The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-01-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= A lady adyertises in the Nevs that
she wants a gentleman for breakfast and
tea. The canniball a.rf

tea. Ihe cannlUal .1
= Punch says, "The greatest organ
in the world is The organ of speech in wo-
man; an organ, too, without stop"
- An Irish sailor once visited a city
where, he said, "they copper bottomed
the tops Of their houses with sheet-lead,"
= An advertisement lately appeared,
headed, "Iron bedsteads and bedding."-
We suppose the linen must be sheet-iron.
- A wag recently appended TO the
list Of market regulations in Cincinnati,
"No whistling near the Sausage stalls"
= Mrs. Partington says she was much
elucidated last Sunday on hearing fine
concourse on the parody of the prodigiops
son.
: Fanny Fern objects TO men she'd
ing tears; she says it is an Infringement
on woman's most valuable "water privil-
ege."
- The substance Of verdict of a re-
cent coroner's jury on a man who died in
q state of inebriation was, Death by
hanging-round rum shop"
- When Jemima went TO school, she
was asked why the noun bachelor was sin
gular. Because" she replied, Z" it is so
singular they don't get married"
Il house painter in London grained
door so exactly in imitation of oak, that
last year it put forth quantity of leaves,
and grew an excellent crop Of acorns.
"Did you ever see me with more
than could carry9"
"No; but have seen you when you
had better gone twice for your load"
-"I say, Bill, Jim's Gagged for steal
ing horse"
Sarved him right. Why didn't he
buy one and not pay for it, like any 9th
or gentleman"
- "A subscriber writes to an American
editor in the west: 81 don't want your
paper any longer" To which the editor
replies: 81 wouldn't make it any longer
if you did; its present length suits Inc
very we'll"
"Do you think I'll get justice done
mes' said a culprit to his counsel. Il
don't think you will,' replied the other
e" for see two men on the jury who arc
opposed to hanging"
:" Why don't your father take q
newspaper himself?" said man to n lit.
tie boy whom he caught pifering his pa
per from his doorstep. "Coz he sends me
to take it." answered hopeful.
A witty fellow slipped down on al
icy pavement. While sitting, he mutter
ed, "I have no desire to see the towr
burned down, but l sincerely wish thc
streets were laid in ashes"
= "Of what fruit is cider madel"
"Don't know sir"
"What a stupid boy. What did yol
get when YOU robbed widow Coffin's or
chard ?"
"a licking sir"
-" Dora, what did you do with tha
tallow that Mr.. Jones creased his boot
with this morningw "Please, marin,
CREASED the griddle cakes with it, 'sYo
did9 that was right. | was afraid yo
had wasted it."
- A dandy, while being measured 70
a pair of boots, observed, "Makc then
cover the whole calf" Heavensp ex
claimed the astonished artist, surveyin,
his customer from head to foot, al hav
not leather enoughw
- Smith and Brown running opposit
ways round corner struck each other
"Oh, dear! how my head rings" sal
Smith. "That's q sign it's hollow" SAT
B. "Don't yours ring9" said Smith,
"No." "That's sign it's cracked"
= School Marin pointing to the frs
letter of the alphabe0 =" "Come, now
what's that?"
Young America-"I shan't tell YOU
School Marm--" " You WON'T Blu
you must. Come, now, what is it I"
Young America l shan't tell yol
didn't come here to teach you-but fc
you to teach me-"
= A young lady in reply to her fail
er's question why she did not wear ring
upon her fingers, said:
+" Because, papa, they hurt me whe
anybody squeezes my hand"
What business have you to hay
your hand squeezedw
"Certainly none, but still you know
papa, one would like to keep in squeel
able ORDER"
- A gentleman who had just return
cd from Arkansas informs us thathe hear
the following dialogue at a tavern:
Halo, boy" I
Halo, yourself"
Can / get breakfast here9"
+" / reckon you can't"
"Why notq'
"Massa's away, missus drunk, de bah