Litchfield enquirer., 1861-01-31
THE PROGRESS OF MY ZoUAVE
PRACTICE.
BY DoFsTICKs, P. B.

to them for trousers with an embroidered ane braided bag for vest with cap like rec woolen saucepan with yellow boots like the fourth robber in stage play; with moustache like two half pound paint brushes, and with g sort of sword-gun or gun-sword for weapon that looks like the result of love affair between broadsword and a lonely musket, indiscreet and tender-that is Zouave. A fellow who can "put up' a hundred and ten pound dumb bell; who can climb up an eighty foot rope, hand over hand, with a barrel 1 of flour hanging to his heels; who can do the :'giant swings" on horizontal bar with fifty six tied to each ankle who can walk up four flights of stairs holding heavy man in each hand at arms length, and who can climb greas- ed pole feet first, carrying barrel of pork in his teeth-that is Zouave.
 A fellow who can jump seventeen feet four inches high without spring board who can tie his legs in double bow-knot round his neck without previously softening his shin bones in a steam bath who can walk Blondins outdoor tight rope with his stomach outside of nine brandy-cocktails, suit of chain-armor outside his stomach, and stiff northeast gale outside of that who can set forty foot ladder on end balance himself on top of it, and shoot wild pig cons on the wing, one at time, with a single barreled Minnie rifle, three hundred yards dis tance, and never miss shot; t; who can take a five shooting revolver in each hand and knock the spots out of the ten of diamonds at eighty paces, turning somersaults all the time and firing every shot in the air-that is a Zouave.
 I am Zouave.
 | My musket education progresses-l am get ting on inely-I can tell the muzzle from the stock at first sight, and shall soon be able to say which end of the ramrod is put down, and which side up the cartridge goes.
 | Rut I am DaviuU moro attention tO my own. nastics just at present than to my musket for every body knows that in battle arms are not of nearly so much importance as legs-it is a very good thing to know the use of your legs-n case of war.
 I've got practicing room, where gymnastic every day I've taken up the carpet-a perform ance of which my landlady entirely approves I've piled the chairs on top of a table in cor ner, and have sold my bed at auction-Zouaves sleep on the floor.
 Besides it is good thing to know how to sleep without bed--in case of war. Spinkey and his brother came to see my room after had got it arranged for practice-they did things-they Zouaved a little by way of set ting me an example.
 found out by the action of the Spinkey brothers the exact dimensions of my room it is three fip-fops long, ai:d handspring and two back somersaults wide.
 By means of a flip-fop you disconcert your en- emys aim and draw his fre--then you kill him. A fiip-fop is good thing to do-in case of war. By means of handspring, you reverse your position, and your bewildered enemy cuts off your foot instead of your head. Then you kill | him then you screw on wooden leg and do so again. When you've done it twice, you've killed ! two enemies and only lost two legs and, after that, you can only lose wooden legs, which are comparatively cheap, especially if the WIT is in well timbered country ...
 A handspring is splendid thing to do-in case of war.
 By means of forward somersault, you leap over your enemy when he charges on you ; then by back somersault, you fall on his head from a great height and stun him then you kill him.
 A somersaut is an indispensable manoeuvre in case of war.
 Our company-Spinkey commander-can go through the manual of arms complete, and only touch ground three times they do all the load ings in a single somersaut, springing into the air at the word Up! with their mushets emp ty, and loading exactly together at the word of command, given by Spinkey with speaking trumpet and firing by files as they come down.
 When Spinkcy left my room l began to prac- tace; for I'm very anxious to progress Our company have been all drafted into kerrlgans s Contingent, and we must all be ready. Tried a somersault first, as 1 thought tooked very easy. All you have to do is, to throw your heels up and your head down, and then bring your head up and your heels down-it's the easl- est thing in the world-apparently. When came to try it, thought that the floor looked unusally hard; so put pillow i'll the spot where thought my feet would come down. as l didn't want to hurt my heels Then 1 took of my coat, tied my suspenders tightly round my waist, took a short run from the corner of the room, shut my eyes, and
 When I recovered, which should judge was in about three quarters of an hour, had bump on my forehead as if I'd been hit there by a base ball, which had stuck, It took me fifteen min utes to get up on my feet for l felt as if my legs and arms had been distributed around the neighboring country by gunpowder explosion ; and it was some time before my mind was dlsa- bused of that impression.
 Ijudge that something interfered to prevent the artistic execution of my contemplated son. ersault, for my head evidently struck the ground as soon as my heels went up my nose had re- ceived severe confusion, and the results were, map of some unknown country done in red on my shirt front. two vest pockets full of blood, and my hair so stuck together with the same fluid that had to get my head cropped like prizefgh Whetherl broke the window with my head when it cane down, or with my heels when they came up, is comparatively immaterlal- certain it is that there was hole in the sash big enough to throw bushel basket through without touching the edges.
 As to the pillow, it didn't seem to ease my feet at all perhaps it is because neither of them came within rod of it, for I discovered that while broke my only water pitcher with one heel, I had put my other through my picture oi John c. Haenan, in his favorite character of Champion of the World.
 mustered up courage in three days to try a hand spring, but the results were not satlSlac' tory. beiug merely new assortment of bumps and bruises.
 Then I sent for Spinkey-Spinkey taught me the art-I can do it. now-I do 1t all the time keen doing it in fact, don t do anything else When I come down to breakfast, l generally walk on my hands around the table, and give each one of the boarders patronizing shake of my slpper-then l turn handspring over the table. and come down easily in my chair,~and read a column of the Tribune, while the people are looking in the air for me to come down again.
 never sleep on a bed, now-a-days sometimes hang myself by the toes to the gas fixtures ; sometimes suspend myself by my little finger to staple in the wall; sometimes balance n.y. self on my trusty sword, or take short nap on the point of my bayonet; I've practiced thrust ing with my bayonet and sword till there isnt't picture in my whole collection that has it's reg ular number of features Dolly Davenport has only one eye, and fraction of nose Edwin Forrest IS playing Hamlet without any top to his head, and John Heenan with one arm and a big hole in his ribs, is fighting Tom Savers, who