The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-12-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= A Quaker loves the ocean for its
broad brim.

|
= A Quaker loves the ocean for it:
broad brim.
= A woman hates question, but
loves TO ask one.
Enjoy to-day, for tomorrow the
first gray hair may come.
- Practice flows from principle; as q
man thinks so will he act.
= Women are seldom sailors, but they
sometimes command smacks.
= Women confess little faults, that
their candor may cover great ones.
= Praise a woman's taste, and you
may attack her sense with impunity.
= 1t is as bad to have nothing TO live
for rs it is to have nothing TO live on.
- The most impudent of all things is
a mirror, for it is continually casting re-
flections.
- Madder colors red That is the
reason why the maddcr you get the red
der You grow.
- Say to captious man that it is n
fine day, and he will be sure TO suggest
some defect in it.
- Naomi was five hundred and eighty
years old when she married. Never des-
pair ancient maidens.
- The funambulist who tried to bal
ance the north pole, got seriously cut by
the axes of the earth.
- If you want to gather together all
the pretty girls in town, advertise ga lee
ture 10 young men," 4.
=" What's the USE" asked an idle
fellow, "of mans working himself TO
death to get living!'
- Suing an newspaper editor for IL
bel is about as sensible as to boil brick
bat to get lamp-oil out of it.
- Why is fashionable lady like n
rigid economist? Because she makes n
great deal of hustle about a waist.
- If ono Of our people in the East be
found kissing Turkish lady, can he be
charged with embracing Mahomedanism? |?
- If your watch is snatched from you
in the streets, probably the best thing
you can do is 10 raise the cry Of Watch,
watch p
- Some persons complain that they
cannot find words for their thoughts, when
the real trouble is they cannot find tho'ts
for their words.
- A negro fellow, the other day got
into trouble by marrying two wives. A
great many white mcu do the same 10y
marrying one.
- 1t was saying of Sir Robert Peel,
" | never knew man TO escape failures,
in either mind or body, who worked sew
en- days in week."
= An Alderman having grown enor-
mously fat while in office, wag wrote
on his back, "widened at the expense of
the corporation"
- Profound silence in public assem-.
blage has been thus neatly described -
" One might have heard the stealing of n
pocket handkerchief"
- a man having been told that the
price of bread had been lowered, exclam-
ed, "This is the first time | ever rejoiccd
at tho fall Of my best fricndT
- Why is Kossuth a great glutton9
Because after having plenty of Turkey,
and an invitation to FIJI more, his cry is,
alas! Huny(a)ry! HOng(a)ry!
-"If you call this skinning," says
Tom TO the barber, :" il is not so bad; but
if YOU call it shaving, should prefer your
using the other side Of the razor"
- General Taylor, on one occasion, be-
ing besieged by office-seekers, made the
remark, that "some were doomed to ap-
pontment, and some to disappointment"
- Ono of. the Vermont gold-diggers
has come very near making his fortune.
With immense labor he has dug up an
old sledge, a woodchuck trap, n jewsharp
aud an old cent.
= The newspapers are cautioning peo.
pie not 10 90 out in the sun, just as tho
they could gather their harvest in the
shade. "Don't go near the water, Billy,
till You learn to SWIM"
= "Now then, my hearties," said q gal
LIANT captain, "you have a tough battle
before you. Fight like heroes till your
powders gone, then-run I'm little
lame, and I'll start now"
- The following question claims the
attention of one or all of our debating So
cieties: I" If man has a tiger by the
tail, which would be the best for his per-
sonal safoty-to hold on or let go?"
- A pedler called on an old lady to
1;eNoea &C ea,na c,onls onI ,no,,,.o1 of