The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1861-08-08
THE PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser.
Artsmus " ard in the Southern Confeder-
ac,-Tbe show Conhscated-

You have perhaps wondered whereabouts 1
was for those many dase gone and past Per
chans you syOsed Id gone % the IO0mb OF
the CappyIets, tho l don't know what those Is.
It's o popler nOOsepaper frass.
Listen % my tail, and be silent that We may
here. I've been among the Seseshers, u earnIn
my daily peek by my iegimit perteshun, and
Eavn't had no time o. wecld my facile quill for
I" the Crate Komic paper and i: you'll allow
me 70 kote from your trOOthful advertisement.
My success was skaly, and | likewise bad a
narrer scape Of my life. If what I've been
threw is - Sathern hospitality" bout which
we've heaIn 50 much, then | feel bound 70 Oh
sarve that they made too much OF me. They
was altogether too lavish with their attenshuns-
/ went among the Seseshers with no feelings
of annermOsity. / went in my perieshernal Gu
pacity. was actOJated by one of the most
Loftiest desires which can swell the human Boo
yum, yia,-tO give the people their moneys
worth. by shown chem >agashus Beests Wax
StatoOts which / yenter 10 cay air onsurpast by
any other stItOOts anywhere. | will not call
that man who says my statoOts is humbugs a
lier and a boss thief, but bring him bed me and
III wither him with one Of my skorniul fTOWns.
But to proseed with my tail. In my travis
threw the sonny SOuth, | heard u heap OF task
about Seseshin and Dustin up the Union, but
didn't think it mounted to nOtnin. The poll
ticans in all the villages was svareIn that Old
Abe (sOmetimes called the Prahyrie tOur)
shouldn't never be nOggerated- They also made
Tools OF themselves IN vars ways DuL ~ Iney
was used to that | didn't let 10 worry me very
much, and the Stars and Stripes continnerd to
wave over my little tent. Moor over L was 4
Son Of Malty and ! member OF sevrll other
temperance Societies., and my wife she was =
Dawter of Malty an i spOsed these fax would
secOOr me the influence and perfection OF all the
first famerlies. Alas I was disappointed.
State arter State seseshed and it grOwed hotter
and hotter for the undersigned. Things came to
q c~limbmacks in a small town in Alabamy,
where | was premtOrally ordered to haul down
the Stars and Stripes.
A deppytashun of red faced men came up to
the door of my tent ware j was staDdin takIn
money 1.-THE AFTERNOON exhibishun had cummenst,
and my Italyan organ grinder was jerkin his
soul stiIrin chimes)
I'VE air cum, sir" said 4 millingtary man
in n cooked hat, upon a hi and holey mishun.
The Southern Eagle is screamin threwout this
sunny land-prOudly and defantly screamin,
sir ~
What the matter with him. - SEE | q don't
his whites sit well on his stummick
"That Eagle, sir, will continner to scream all
over this Brite and tremenjus land -
Wall, let him scream. If your Eagle can
amuse himself by screaming, let him VENT
The men annoyed me, for l was Bizzy maxim
change.
I'VE are cum, Sir, upon a matter of doOty
-
You're right Capting. Its every mans
dooty to visit my show - sed L.
" We are cum
And that's the reason you are here =" SEE
l larhn one Of my silyery larfs. | tbawt 1T he
wanted to COAX I'd give him one of my sparklin
eppygrams-
will you haul down the Star Spangled Banner,
and hist the Southern fag?"
Nary hist y" Those was my reply.
"Your wax works and beests is then ~confsca-
ted 4 you are arrested 4 s a Spy?"
SEE |, =" My fragrant roses OF the Southern
cline and blooming daffodils. what's the price of
whiskey in this town, and how many cubic feet
of that seductive Aooid can you indiyidoOaly
holdP''
They made no reply to that, but said my wax
fggers was confscated. / axed them If that was
gineEally the stile among thieves in that country,
TO which they also made no reply, but sed L was
arrested as 4 spy, and must go TO Montgomery
in turns. They were by this time jined by q
large crowd of other patrits, who commenst
hollerin :. Hang the bald headed Aberlitionist,
and bust up his immoral exhibition ~ L was
ceased and tied to a stump. and the crowd went
for my tent-that water proof Pavilion, wherin
instruction and amOOshment had been so muchly
combined at ID cent per head-and tore 1T all to
pieces. Meanwhile dirty faced boys was throw
in stuns and empty beer bottles at my massive
brow, and takin other improper liberties with
nv person. Resistance was useless, for n Va
riety of reasons, us ! readily observed.
The Seseshers confscated my statOOts by
smashin them to attums. Then they went to
nv money box and confscated all the loose
change therein contained. They then went and
bust in my cages letten all the animiles loose,
n small but healthy tiger among the rest. This
tiger has n excentric way OF tearing dogs 10
pieces and 1 alters sposed from his general con-
duct that he'd have no hesitation in servin hu-
man beins in the same way If he could git at
them. Excuse me if | was crooil, but L larfed
boystrously when | saw that tiger spring in
among the people =. Go it my sweet cuss!" L
inardiy exclaimed, - forgive you for bitin off
my left thum with all my heart. Rip 'em up
like a bully tiger whose Lare has been invaded
by Seceshers
7 can't say for certain that the tiger serisly
injured any of them, but as he was seen a few
DAYS after sum miles distant, with a large and
we'll selected assortment of seats of trowsers in
his mouth, aud as he lOOkt rs tho he'd bin havln
SUM vilent exercises | rayther guess he did.
You will therefore perceive that they didn't
c~oniScate him much.
was carried to Montgomery In turns and
placed in durans vial. The Jail was q ornery
ediiss, but the table was literally supplied with
Baking and Cabbage. This was a good variety,
for when l didn't banker after Baking / could
help myself to the cabbage
1 had nobody To talk to or nothin to talk
about, however, and | was very lonely specially
on the first day SO when the jailer parst my
lonely sell I put the few stray hairs on the back
part of my he'd Q'm bald now. but there was a
time when 1 wore sweet auburn ~ringlets) into as
dish heviled a state as possible, & rollin my eyes
like a manyyuck, l cried " Stay, jailer, stay I.
/ am not mad but soon shall be if you don't
bring me suthin to Talk ?" He brung me sum
newspapers, for which | thanked him kindly.
At last 1 got an interview with jefferson
Davis. the President of the Southern COnfede-
racy. He was quite perlite, and axed me to sit
down and state my case. | did it, when he
larfed and sed his gallunt men had been a little
2 enthusiastic in confscatin my show.
YES" sez l, they cOnfscated me too much
". / had some bosses confscated in the same
way onct, but the confscators are now poundin
stun in the State Prison at Injinnapylus.'
wall, wall, Mister Ward you are at liberty
to depart; you are friendly to the South know.
Even now we have many frens in the North who