Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1861-01-25
WATERFOWL REPUBLICAN.
Dodging a Militia Fine.


litia laws were in force in old Massachusetts,
the customary draft was made in coun-
try town a few miles from Boston, and no.
tice to ''appear. armed and equipped ac-
cordiug to law, )" was left at the boarding
house Of wag, who possessed very. little
martial emusic in his soul. Determined
that he would neither "srain" nor pay
fine, and entertaining, withal, a very indif-
ferent opinion Of the utility Of the system,
be took no notice Of the summons,
Having been warned. however, as he
anticipated, at the expiration of few
weeks the sergeant waited upon him with
q bill CT nine shillings, for non-attendanee
at the muster.
You're fined s:r-nine shillings-nOn-
appearance.
What is it j? said the wag, pretending
not to understand the collector.
Fined for not training" bawled the 9th
CT.
shan't pay it, fellow.
It Will be three dollars the next time I
call.
But the wag couldn't hear a word be
said, and in the course Of another month
he received er-emptory summons to ap-
pear forthwith at court martial in the
district, instituted fo- the purpose of try
ing delinquents and collecting such fines
as could be scared out Of the non-perform-
ers Of duty. Having fixed upon a final
plan to dodge the issue, at the appointed
hour he waited upon the court to show
cause, if any he had, why he should not
willingly have toted a musket and KNAPP
sack about the town for twelve mortal
hours, and otherwise performed the legal
annual duties of live patriot"
Ho was ushered into The court room i'm
lnediately-which was held in an old
country house-where he discovered some
three or four persons seated, attired in
fiashy regimentals, and whose awful ''yal-
Ter epoletts' alone were sufficient to COM
mand the respect Of the profoundest be-
holder. Though somewhat Disconnected
at this rather unexpected exhibition Of
spurs and buttons, be put a bold face on
the matter, and responding to the direc-
tions of the junior member of the august
court, he advanced to the table, and the
chief functionary commenced the examina-
ton.
Your name, sir?
The offender placed his hand quickly to
the side Of his head, without uttering a
word, or moving muscle in his face.
What is your name repeated the ques
toner in loud tone
A little louder, said the wag.
Name shouted the Judge.
Taunton, Bristol county.
What business do you follow?
Main street, said the delinquent.
Your business yelled the officer.
Right hand side as you 90 up.
How long have you been there?
About two miles and half
How old are you? continued the judge,
nervously.
Boss carpenter.
What the DIS the matter with your
ears?
DR.. Scarpio's oil, sometimes.
What sir?
Sometimes cure 'em-scarpie's oint-
ment."
Why don't you answer me?
Nearly five years.
He's as deaf as an adder, remarked the
judge, turning around to bis subordinates,
earnestly Clear the lubber out.
You are not liable to perform military
duty, said the Secretary, with his mouth
close to the wag's ear.
! know that, said the fellow, coolly
His hearing improves, ventured the SER
geant
What do you suppose we sit here for?
asked the Judge in loud voice, at last.
A dollar and a half day. said the pris-
oner.
He may go, Mr.. Sergeant.
You can go. said the under officer,
pointing to the door.
But our friend took no notice of the Or
der.
You may 60 yelled the Judge. Mercy
alive is ii possible man can be as deaf
as all that?
l can't say, continued the delinquent,
pretending not to understand yet but l
should think
Go-go! screamed the Judge thers's
nothing to pay. The Lord pity the gene
raj who had a regiment like you to com
mand ! Show him the door, Major;' and
our hero soon found himself at liberty.
He was never summoned again to train
during his residence in Taunton.