Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-12-30
Marriage Engagements.
THEIR LENGTH AND BREADTH

There are two things which almost every one
finds Il difficult to do easily and with grace.
One is 10 announce orally that he is going TO be
married, and the other is to congratulate him.
Why the announcement should cause embarrass-
mept is obvious However proud the happy
lover may feel in his heart, he knows that BY
SAYING that he is going to be married he a, least
exposes himself to the criticism Of friendly Gu.
Iiosity. The friend TO whom the announcement
is made has also many reasons for fseliog lit
tie pervous. Not beipg foreigner, he can not
throw himself on bis friends eek and have a
good blubber, and he must conhne himself with
in rle limits Of English reserve. The surprise
and oddity of the thing, again, often Overpower
every deeper feeling for the moment, and even
the tincerest and warmest friend has been
Known to receive The aft fscting intelligence
with no other answer than one long peal of
laughter.
And there is also deeper cause Of embarrass-
mtnt. 1t is for the person to whom the news is
iwperted to continue tho conversation. He
must ask something, and what is he TO ask? So
far as the lady lame goes, and the place of her
residence, all is straightforward. But what is
TO come next2 II is absurd to ask If she is
pretty, for il is painful to the lover he is hon
est, 10 have TO say she is not; and If he says she
js every one sets IL down as a natural dsiusion.
Delicacy equally fofb bids any inquiry as 20 her
money. II is taking so very marketing a view
to look at the affair of friends heart a mere
bargain. The ouly obvious and unexcsptiona
BILE question is 10 ask whether IL 70 be soon,
sud TO htsr Nbe'her there is TO be an eugage.
ment OF an immediate marriage. 1t there is 20
be no engagement, the hero is thought more
ortuuate than ever. Not to wait a. all, but to
o IN at once TO conbubial happiness and the
moothest Of ali possible loves, is considered
reat triumph Tho best imaginable lot is when
man hos nothirg to do but hang up his hai in
his Wife's house Any thug ike an engage neut
IS dimiDu,iou Of the glOiy Of matnmony.
EDgsgemeBts are romsuuc, buf they are not
usiness like, al d tri nds htway take a remark.
by business like view ofeach others IA aruages,
Y, il they % not do 80 really, az apY rate they
pretend to do so, in order that their reputation
as smart worldly people may not accidentally
suffer.
Engagements, however, are really the natural
coTollaIies of the modern theory of maria 20
which supposes that unions spring from affec
ton, based on compatibility of temper, tastes,
and principles. On the contrary theory, en-
gsgemerts are unreasonable. II married hap
PIDsss depends as many hold not on this pro
liDiDsTy romance, or any autecedent harmony,
but merely on that power of adaptation which
ep abies any two human beings who are forced
to live together, to get on pretty veil, and to
fall in With each others ways, there is no object
iu folmipg an engagement. If A is not ready
to marry, D is; and according to the hypothe.
sis, B will 90 just as we'll. Ebe great advan-
tage POSSESSED By those who hold this view o
marriage is that they can appeal to fIc's They
end in about the same average of happiness
Great trials arising from Worl 1ly incoD veniepees
beiDg avoided, as msny married people will get
as well if they meet for the first time at the
altar IS if they had spent couple of years 10
eager Irritation. Their adversafies are Obliged
to shiik this appeal to facts aud rest their csse
on the capabilities of the human heart. II
nature has given a tas'e for poetry, belief in
copstancy, passion for romantic excitement, q
possibility of partial or total absorption 10 an
other person, it seems a pity to thro all this
away because, In course Of ZINE, hous SIX seping
will go on moderately well, whether it has been
thrown away or cultivated. II love ia to h ave
any thing like the place in life it holds iu po.
etryi room ought 10 be given it to expand
Long engagements are, in their way, bad
things, but they are justi6able bad things. If
two persons love each other, and love is the
one great thing in their lives that makes their
lives valuable, it is very difficult to show tha.
they do not gaiu by long engagement. 1t is
said that the girl loses the best years Of heI
life, and wastes away without the happines.
and responsibility of being m arried. 0bserva-
tiops like this clearly proceed from the &c ret
belief that ope man would really do as well for
her as another. If only one man would do, q
crumb that fails from bis table is bbtter than
The richest of any one else. Long engagements
are, at any rate, better than nothing; and if
lie is blank withOut this particular love, a
faint existence is preferable 10 aunihilation.
Both parties would have more equable and
peaceful life If they agreed to forget, and kept
their resolution.
But the people who prefer equanimtty to love
ought scarcely TO judge of others who have a
contrary taste. The real reason why long
engagements are objected to is, that as a mat
ter Of fact all the love most people are capa
be of may be satisfactorily excited, not only
by any one Of considerabl numbsr OF persons,
bat by more than one person in succession
If an engagement is forbidden, the comm IN
run of lovers are quite happy in few mouths,
and are on the IOoK. out for a seTener coursship.
But the exceptions those who really love
when they are about it, who cannot repeat or
transfer their feelings-unquestiops gain by
not having to undergo a total SEPARATION. No
man or woman of q really tender and CON
stant nature, and once absorbed il a great pas e.
sion, either refuse 10 enter Ou o long engage .
ment, or regret having formed ono. The only
thing is, that engagements affect not only the
parties themselves, but theie friends and @hy
should friends 60 through all the anxiety and
trouble of a long engagement when exception
al lovers are SO rare? It is in the interest OF
fOole'y that these engagements are disceunte
nanced.
The lovers tbemselVes-if the modern EaS
Iish theory OF marriage is rrue-certainly profit
by an engagement of soLe moderate length
preceding marriage. It Is not only that they
learn to know each other, and have oppor,uui
ties OF steiDg whether the desired harmony
really exists, but maDy fine feelings never bios
chance acquaints ceship. Che nicetiss o.
eOurtthip are superseded by this leVsliog ra
Pidity. In the first place there are no letters
or none worth speaking of. There is a smack
Of furniture and dress about the correspond
snoe of a couple that viii not condescend to
wait. Now, on all the principles of romance
and poetry, letters are among the choicest Aow
ers oflOve. They express feelings which would
be niPpsd in the bud If they were not put on
paper. Receiving q love-lefter is uDd0ub .edly
a sensation, and very pleasant sensation, and
why should it not be experimental Probably
many engagements are shortened purposely
becsuse me, or both, conscious that they
have Doihi0g to say. But real 10 gers can z
on for pages, and which is more, they can bea
10 read the pages they receive. A lovers
tTulS happy and ardent iOVer-can stand cross
ing, Andscen'ea note paper, and both are trial.
to the male beart in its natural state. Poetry
too, OUghtto be written OF ct least there oueh
to be songs without words passing to and fro
Young people can lot he much 10 love if they
DO rot have "imsgiDings." But if they are "a
be married Immediately, poetry is quite out Of
lace If wife is bargain, no one who hal
just paid earnest for her Is likely to sing hymnl