Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-02-26
rORsTICKs ON PARTURITION AND
PUNCHES.

| thought IL WIS BOOu sWoolG u SeLSAS
swear q particularly strong swear butso
how baby broke it, andit was very young
baby at that-a new edition; in fact the
newest edition; in truth, the only edition,
in one volume complete of Muggins. "Du-
plicstion of self' that is to say, it was Mug.
pips's first and only baby. Muggins (ot
course mean Mrs. Muggins) had the con-
siderstion rot to have twins-to present the
world with Muggins in single doses.
Walking down town the morning after
| had sworn off. all elated with the con-
sciouaness of having performed good acton,
looked every. where with plying eye on
such of nv acquaintance as were still under
the thraldom of daily bitters-yet in the
tolls of the morning cocktail aud. had not
vet freed themselves from the fatal hold OF
The eleven o'clocker," the "stomach-quick-
euer," the "eye opener" or whatever they
choose TO use, Of the thousand verbal mysti-
fcations applied to the morning dram.
Iwas free-neve7 again should Indulge in
the fluid Joy of a julep or puuch--the
grateful cobbler should never again--but here
met Mugeins; it 1gds Muggins, and yet it
tpasa't MUggius- Muggius. in form, in feature,
il figure, aud in dress; but no more like the
usually grave MUggirs in deneauor, than
risky kitten is like a wooden decOy duck.
He YVES elste, gay, merry, exultaut, jubilant
txhilarated; be caught me by the arm and
shook it, as if he had large bet on shaking
of twenty hands in thirty minutes, and was
Just triae behind on his nineteenth.
'ste's done il Old DOesticks; Zee done
il, IT'S done it,
what's done what and who or what is
it?" queTiedl.
line o'clock, my baby had a wife; my first,
70 his FIRST, no, her and my, and our first;
wife good deal better; baby good deal
expected no, both are better and both are
expected that is, all my wives and all my
babies are geod deal better than could be
expected; nurse says so. Ny first, you
Lnow wife never had q nurse: no, my
nurse never had a wife; of course, you know
what mean; my waby never had bife ;
nv uife and tie hurse, my naby and the
vurse.
''But yo1 see I've mixed: really can't
say how, Whether my nurse has had boy,
or my wife has bad q baby nurse, or the
vaby has had a nife, or the W. Well, thi:
is the calm tIuth-there are in my house 6
wife, baby, sud a nurse, and l belong Il
the same establishment myself. With theil
combined help have gone and borned {
baby; all alive. Come in 70 Delmcnico'
md drink bottle of Mumm's best baby il
hopor-or of Heidsiek's green boy, because
YOU know in honor Of my seal baby-wife-.
Here I stopped him, just as two policemer
were discussing whether he was peseeablt
enough to be arrested, or whether be was 81
dangerous that they ought to let him alone
got him into the house, and into corner
befureI could stop him, he had yelled to tn
harkeeper for two bottles Of green baby, a
order which the bsrkeepeT-who had see
Npggins once before on that dsy-under
stood perfectly, and Immediately produce
two bottles of green seal Champagne, a
So 50 q bottle.
I seized Nuggins by the collar; sat Mug
gins down in the chair; jammed Muggin
down hard, and held him there put o!
my severest look, and did my dignihedest.
''MuggiDs,' said /, calmly, land made m!
voice come from my first vest button)-
"MuggiDs, be calm; Muggins"-here m.
voice sank to the pit Of my stomach-"Mug
gins, don't be fool; Muggins, l can't drinl
any of that wine, because, Muggins
my voice solemnly descended to the YER
soles of my boots-"PUe sUoTn of, Muggins.
BE looked at me helplessly, and at las
stammered out, family:
eBut laby first baby, real boy, no shan
genuine animal, frst-class article of baby
bead on him, legs all complete you must
drink-baby.'
thought he was going to faint, and
gave him glass of wine. Exhausted as b
was, be had sense enough to refuse to drink
unless should join him.
What could do2 "The man must b
baby l said to the bystanders. drank
Muggins was saved, and we put him into
carriage, and sent him home.
Then the fellows who had heard me SO
that had sworn off came around, and aske
me to drink. solemnly refused, l to-
them had Saeorn off.
But Jones took me aside, and told me CT
rious but interesting fact that fact was
"Bd6y"
Jones, as we'll as Muggins, was happy
ther--so was Mrs JOnes-and as well as cou
he expected. We drank to JOness bah
Gin cocktail TO Joness baby
Was going home; but Suggins now sa
that be had wo-d 70 say TO me il priya
That woEd was:
"Bsby /"
By curious coincidence, Mrs. Stiggil
etc. Though had sworn off, | could do
more than drink to Mrs. Stiggins's spec
recovery. Then started to- the door. Son
body said;
'Take a drink"
"Gentiemen," said I, tive sworn off,
Robinson, pale and excited, asked 70
moments silence, while he announced sol
happy intelligence. Need l say the inte
gence was;
"Baby llp
Mrs. Robinson, etc, had been and
fortified last night, and Robinson wa;
happy father. Could l refuse to drink
Ro6inson's baby 2 Anyhow, I didn't.
We drank to RS B. in beer; then
wined RS B.; then we gin cocktailed
baby, then brandy-slinged-I mean bran
sluDg-the baby then, on my suggest
that must go, for was going to swear
we took a parting hot rum and water, a.
RS B., and Joness and all the others
then swore of.
Then Lufky came in hurriedly, to say
Baby lp
We cocktailed Luffky's baby, and be-
IT, and at my cost had couple of bo
Of wine to LIS B.
Then swOre off,
Before got to the doors of which Il
we're by this time several-Grimby cam
snd proclaimed aloud, ia triumph--Bi
you say, of course. Baby that's only hi
"Twfnslllp
We drank the twins, brandy, beer, W
and sherry then at my suggestion and
pense-We had bottle or two of green
! to the health of the twins.
Then | swore eff
No couldn't have sworn off bere cit
for remember cocktailiDg boy, and sa
reeing girl, and Campaigning a lot of
tbeTs' happy recoyeries after that.
Oh, ! know il was here that MaktaT
Icsped upon the table, and howled
'EriPlstS lllP