Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-07-06
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

staff. ... lis ..-
He has hard work who has moth
ing to do.
Rising with Birds-Getting high
on a lark:.
God reaches us good things by
our hands.
&C. S. A.-Confederate Stealing
Association.
Peter Funk is said to be s'aiwavs
on the acatch."
If a house has two wings, will it be
able to fly away.
Occupation is necessary to give rs
command over ourselves.
Small faults indulged, are little
thieves that let in greater.
If TIE mistress would scold less,
she would generally have less to scold
at
Why is waiter like race-horse ?
Because he often runs for plate or
cup.
Why Parson Brownlow is SO
warlike--He has lived so long in
Anocks-ville.
When young lady hens handler-
chiefs for rich bachelor, she probably
sews that she may reap. -
If man who is afraid of FIRE
arms gets drunk, he is apt to imagine
everything he sees q reco1yer.
A curious inquirer, desirous to
know how he looked when asleep, sat
with closed eyes before a mirror.
"A pleasant and cheerful mind
sometimes grows upon an old and worn
out body, like mistletoe upon \ dead
tree.
Why are the Game Laws the iol-
liest laws we have? Because their ex-
press object is TO ''keep the game
alive
When Socrates was asked why be
built for himself SO small house, he
replied, "Smal, as it is, / wish could
fiji it with friends"
If we could always say on the spur
Of the moment, things we atterward see
that we could have said, how clever
we would all be. -..
An old farmer in Southern Illinois,
seeing the cannon at Cairo, remarked,
''Them brass missionaries have con-
al boon 1f fOllrc
An ignorant man who "stands up.
on bis dignity" is like the fellow who
tried to elevate himself by standing on
piece Of brown paper.
He that tries to believe his neigh
boris belief, and think his neighbor's
thoughts, better take out his brains
and carry his skull empty.
-"Pat," said an Irishman, to anotf-
CT who had hump back, eff yer head
was turned roun' the other way, be
gorra, an what fine full chest ye'd
have -
-"Mary, is your master at home ?"
"No, sir, he's out" Il don't believe
it," 'sWell, then, he'll come down and
tell you SO himself Perhaps you'll be-
ieNc him."
Such as always have virtue in
their mouths, and neglect it in practice,
are like a harp, which emits a sound
pleasing to others, while itself is in
sensible Of the music.
John asked Julia if she would have
him. s'No :" she replied 81 will not
have you; - but before John could re-
cover from the shock, she archly put
in, "but you may have ne!''
"A thief who broke out of jail in
Ohio, the other day, being captured,
told the sheriff that he might have cs-
capped, but he7had conscientious scru-
pies about travelling on Sunday.
-s'Ma, get down on your hands and
knees minute, please"
What on earth shall do that for,
pet ?''
because I want to draw an ele-
phantn ~
"A lady in Rochester sent a dress
to dyer, with Instructions to dye it
with some colors that ,soald not run
The patriotic dyer returned the dress
covered all over with the colors of the
Americ Union.
"A Western paper published some
verses not long since, which read thus
I met her on the street,
And she showed her dirty feet.
The individuals made complaint,
and the editor was obliged to correct
the error III his next mornings paper !;
for, dirty, should have been, dainty.