Daily national Democrat., 1861-06-18
Artemus Waid in the Southern COnfed-
eracy---The show is COnfiscated.

L
Uappylets, tho don't know what those is
It's IA popler noospaper Erase.
Listen to my tail, and be silent that ye may
here. I've been among the Seceshers, earn
in my peck by my legtemit perfeshun, and
havn't had no time to weeld my facie quill
for "the Great Komick paper, if you'll allow
me to kote from your troothful adv ertise-
ment.
My success was skaly, and | like wise had
narrer scape of my life If what I've been
threw is ''Suthern hospitality" about which
we've hearn such, then l feel bound to OBJ
serve that they made too much ov me -
They was altogether too lavish with their at.
tenshuns.
went amung the Seceshers with no feel
ins of annermosity. | went in my perfesh-
ernal capacity. | was actooated by one of
the most Lofliest desires which can swell the
human Boozum, viz to give the people their
moneys worth. by shown them Segashus
Beests, and Wax Statoots which | ventur to
say air onsurpast 10y any other statoots any
where's | will not call that man who sez
my statoots is humbugs a liar ana hoss
thief, but bring him be me and I'll wither
him with one of my scornful frowns.
But to proceed with my tail. In my trav
lis threw the Sonny South heared a heap of
talk about Seceshin and Dustin up the Union,
but didn't think it mounted to nothn. The
politicians in all the villages was swearin that
| Old Abe sometimes called the Prahayrie
| Flower) shouldn't never been nogerated -
They also made fools of theirselves in varis
ways, but as they was used to that didn't
let it worry me much, and the Stars and
Stripes continnered for to wave over my little
tent Moor over, was Son of Malty and
a member of sevrel other Temperance Socie-
ties, and my wife she was Dawter of Mnlty
and | sposed these fax would secoor me the
intlooenz and perfection of the fust famerlies
Alas | was dispinted. State after State Se-
ccshed, and it CROWD hotter and hotter for
the undersigned. Things came to climb
macks in a small town in Alabamy, where
was peremptorally ordered to haul down the
Stars and Strips. A deppytashun of red
faced men cum up to the door of my tent
WHARF | was standin takin money (he arter-
noon eXhibshun had commenst, and my
ltalyun organst was jerkn his sole-stirrn
chimes "W air cum, sir," said a milingtary
man in a cockt hat, "upon hi and hoey
mishun. The Suthern Eagle is screamin
threwout this sunny land-proudly and de-
family screamn, sir!"
What's the matter with him." sez |,
don't his vittles set well on his stummick p
THAT Eagle, sir will continner to scream
all over this Brite and tremenjus land !"
Wall, let him scream. If your Eagle can
amuse hisself by screamin, let him vent
The men annoyed me- for was Bzzy maxim
change.
1--WE air cum, sur upon a matter of
dooty-"
You're right, Capting. It's every mans
dooty to visit my show" sed l.
We air cum
"And that's the reason you air here!" sez
|, lartin one of my silvery larfs. | thawt if
he wanted to COAX Id give him some of my
sparklin eppygrams.
Sir, you are inscrlent. The plain ques-
tion is, Will you haul down the Star Spangled
Banner, and hist the Southern flag Z
Mary a hist!" Those was my reply.
"You wax works and beests is then con-
tiscated, & you air arrested as a Spy"
Sez |, "My fragrant roses of Suthern
cline and Blooming daffoGiIs, what's the
plice of whisky in this town, and how many
cubic feet of that seductive hooid can you
Individually hold?"
They made 10 reply to that, but said my
wax hggers contscated. | aXed them if
that was gineraly the stie among thieves in
that country, to which they also made no
reply but sed | was arrested as a Spy, and
must go to Montgomery in iuns. They was
10y this time ned by large crowd of other
Suthern patrits, who commenst hollerin
Hang the bald-headed aberlishonst, and
bust up the immoral eXhibishun !" | was
ceased and tied to IA stump, and the crowd
went for my tent-that waterproof pavilyu
wherein instruction and amusement had
been so muchly combined, at Is cents per
head and tore it all to pieces Meanwhile
| dirty faced boys was THROWN stuns and empty
! beer bottles at my massive brow, and takin
other improper liberties with my person.
Resistance was useless, of for variety reasons.
as | ready observed
Seceshers contiscated my statoots 10y smash
in them in attums They then went to my
money box and and conhscated all the loos
change therein contained. They then went
and bust my cages, lettin all the animals
loose, email but hethy tiger amoug the rest.
This tiger has an eccentric way of tearin
dogs to pieces and alters supposed from his
ginera conduck that he'd have no hesitation
in servin human beings in the same way if
he could get at them. Excuse me if was
crooil, but larfed boystcrrusly when | saw
that tiger spring in among the people. "Go
it, my sweet cuss !" | Immediately exclaimed;
81 forgive you for biin off my left thum
with all my heart? Rip 'em up like a bully
tiger whose Lare has been invaded by Sc
ceshers y
| | cant say Tor certain that the tiger serSly
injured any of them, but as he was seen a
few days after sum miles distant, with large
and well selected assortment of seats of
trousers in his mouth, and as he lookt as
tho he'd bin havin sum vilent exercise |
rather guess he did. You will therefore per-
ceive that they didn't coniscate him much.
| carried to Montgomery in iuns, and
placed in durans vial. The Jail was a ornery
edits, but the table was lbrally serplied
with Bakin and Cabhidge. This was good
variety. for when. didn't banker after the
Bakn could help myself to the cabbidge;
and visa versy.
had nobody to talk to nor nothing to talk
about, and was very lonely, specially on the
first day; so when the jailor parst my lonely
sell | put the few stray hairs on the back
part of my he'd Q'm bald now, but there was
a time when wore bright auburn r'ngIets)
into as dish-heviled state as possible. & rol
lin up my eyes like a manyack, cride:-
"Stay, jaer, stay Pm not mad. but soon
shall be if you don't bring me sumthing to
Talk !" He brung me sum noospapers, for
which l thankt him kindly.
At last | got interview with Jefferson
Davis. the President of the Suthcrn Con-
thievracy. He was quite perlite, and Axed
me to sit down and state my case | did it,
when he larftd and sed his gallunt men had
bin little enthusiastic in confiscating my
show.
Yes" sez |, "they confscated me too
muchly. | had sum bosses confscated in the
same waY onct but the confscaters mir now