Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1861-07-07
mIsCELLaNEaus ITEMS.


mHurrah for the girls Of '76r' "No, no;
that's too old. Hurrsh for the girls of III"
Il is said that ANYTHING Midas touched was
| furned into gold Ia these days, touch man
with gslu, and hs'il turn into anything.
"Wby don't you Jump off?" some one asked
| Pat after be nd narrowly escaped with his
| life from a horse which had run away with
him "AuAh, be labers, and wasn't 1t as much
| as I could do to stay on?"
$50. said a young gentleman to beautiful
| Young lady, at party in Arksnsas' you
/ wit taSe anv of the s2riines" mo" SAID
/ she, ssbut I'll take some OF them creased min
uows."
"san,, said fellow to girl who had red
/ hair, "keep away from me, or yOn'ii set me on
| fre'' "No danger Of that" replied the girl,
''you are too green TO burn"
"bHss, may ! see you home" said young
man 70 2 4 Ft. "NO, sir,s was the sbortTen'y.
! "Ob, don't mean now, but some otner night
when caG't 60 anywhere else"
He who is a tiger in bis family is generally
4 sheep ia society.
Magistrate, pompousy, to little boy wit
ness: My hoy, can you repeat the Lords
Pr=ysr?" eyes, sir" was the instant reply
Of the smart you b, "can you?"
A miller in one Of the midland counties o.
England, meeting 2 haf-wtted lad one day,
said 10 him:
"Wen, Tom. does thee know what besst thou
thinking ou?'
To which Tom replied
& knows what | know, and l knows what
tuuua know"
chow is that?'' quoth the miller. al never
heard Of a man as knowed what be did not
knowD
"Oh," rtioinsd Tom, 'irs all right. know
you hs' many fat piga, but [ dunna know
whose corn you feed them oDf'
The miller alOped, sorry that he had asked
any question.
"Thers' s our Gershom,o said Mr.. S. "he
must 60 of to the city, to get his living by his
wits -
"weH," asked friend, Chow did be make
out at ?''
"Abr' said the old man, With SIGH, tap
ping bis forehead significantly, "he failed for
want of cspitsl.n
''So you are going to teach = school," said
young lady to her old maiden aunt. Well,
for nv part, sooner than do that, I would mar
~ widower With nine children
{" l should prefer that life myself" was the
quiet reply, " bu.-where is The widower?"
An old gentleman of eigbty-four having
taken TO The altar ysung dsmsel Of sxteeny
the clergyman said to him.
"You will fnd the foBt at the opposite end
Of the church"
"What do want with the font % asked
the old gentleman.
al beg your pardon" said The clerical wit;
I thought you had brought this child
to be christeDed."
man overlook small boy of some five
or six summers, and addressed him in the fol-
lowing manner:
"Wsll sir, whose son are YOU"
B0v, az an Ssrah's."
Man, "And who is SsralfS'
Boy, "Why, she is my ms?o
The man rode on not much the wiser, by his
inquery.
When Napoleon WAS only an officer Of ar
tillery, a Prussian officer said in bis presence,
with much pride:
''My countrymeD fight only for glory; but
Frenchmen fight only for money"
''You are right" replied Napoleon, sea ch
Of them fight for what they are most in need
Of
"Dd the defendant knock The plaintiff down
With malice prepenss?"
ono sir-he knocked him down with fat
iron"
"You misunderstood re, my friend. I want
to know whether be attacked him with an evil
inten,f'
"Oh, no, sir--it was outside Of The tent"
"No, no, wish you to tell me whether the
attack Was at all preconcerted afsir?"
ono, sir, it was not free concert aifair-it
was q ciTcus.o