Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-10-05
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

How to serve old fogies in the ma
Wy. Ship 'em.
Raising provisions for the war
Planting cannon.
To talk without effort is the great
charm of talking. i"
Difficult to get at.-The private
ears Of the enemy. "
The gait to be avoided by our
cavalry-De canter. ''-' > '''
-UHcle Sans military tailoring.-
Regular Sam patch work.
A sign of patriotic piety. The
prevalence of camp meetings; "'
What star was Col. Rerdan born
under? A shooting star OF course.
"A good many men are in the best
health when they are out of spirits.
Never expect spiritual wealth
while you are inaulging spiritual sloth!:
Why is dogs tail the greatest of
novelties? Because you never saw il
before.
How military boards may be
known from other boards. BY the
shavings.
If we carry not the beautiful with
IL US, we may travel over the world in
search of it. : y = = ~'. $50
The man who had an idea foot
ing in his mind was s'found to have Wa
ter on the brain. w.
There is lady in this place so
high minded that she disdains to own
she has common sense. - :
One of the greatest robbers is tenn
perance, for it robs the poor house and
the prison of their victims.
For life in general there is but one
degree youth is q blqnder; manhood
a struggle; old age regret. ~
There is class of men vino are
ever ready to pump you to any extent
if you only give them a handle.
Why is a married lady like an
American fort? Because the breast
works support the American infantry:
King Alcohol falls when bis advo-
Gates attempt to support him, and they
fall when he attempts to support them.
The moment that anything asspm-
es the shape of duty, some persons feel
Themselves incapable Of discharging it.
He who tra.els through life with
the hope Of jumping into the shoes Of
another mostly goes Oh tootFess oI+-
rand.
1T would be well if we had less
medicine and more cures; less cant
and more piety: less law and more
justice. -
"A notice on the door to store on
Thanksgiving day read: "Closed on
account Of the death of a turkey in the
family - at '.'s
Uncertainty is the severest of hui
man ills. Even the situation of the
wretched can be rendered more wretch
ed by suspense.
The women must think that we
men are great robbers; we are all the
while going about robbing them of
sheir very names. =
Ladies who wish to punish their
husbands, should remember that lit
tie sunshine will melt an icicle much
sooner than northeast haze.
The editor of the Cleveland Plain
i bo hoc II
umbia" Democrat all his life, and pro-
poses to die "Y ankee Doodle Dan
dy." j.
-Beardless youths, says Punch, are
most prone to arrogance and self-sufii-
cheney. AS they grew older their
whiskers cover a great deal Of their
cheek.
As the moon, whether visible or
invisible, has power over the tides OF
the ocean, so the face Of the loved one,
whether present Or absent, controls the
tide Of the soul. - : s~'-
A fellow charged in au Indictment
with stealing a hoe, was, upon trial,
discharged--it being proved that the
article taken was an, ak, the matter
was regular hdax,.!' 's .'t:''',
--Whel Jack visited Vermont,
where they have pie for breakfast, he
was irreyerent enough to remark that
the people Of the "Green Mountain
State" were "some'' for early pie-ty!
-ssWbat's the matter, Frank ?"-
said his mother to our little three year
old, who was troubled with pain the
other day; s'got the back-ache % ssNo,
me no got back ache: me got 'front.'
aehs," replied Frank.