Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1861-07-18
0xiainal gNatter.
PRESIDENTS MESSAGE.

dent Lincoln. By gentleman who ha
lust arrived here from Washington, VI,
learn that the report Of the Message fur
nished by tel.he,graph is bogus. At con
siderable trouble and with many hair -breadtl
escapes, the gentleman referred to abov
procured an authentic copy, and has kind
ly placed it at our disposal. 1t being al
abel document, we hasten to lay it befor
our readers. ]-ENoU1RER IMP.
FeNov Citizens ofhe Senate
and House of Representatives.:
Having been convened by the so callet
Constitution of the United States, your at
tention is not called to any ordinary poin
of subjugation. 1t appears that in tn
several States, which have attempted to Sc
cede and set up government for them
selves, there is some forty or fifty men il
arms, mostly in Virgins, who have, b!
some means or other, provided themselves
with arms and ammunition and have made
demonstrations which have caused me tt
believe that their intention is to subjugatt
the socalled United States. Under these
considerations | ordered out seventy-fve
thousand men for the protection of the
Capitol of the once United States, and tc
suppress the rebellion as aforesaid. As
have not as yet succeeded, and fearing thai
they will still continue in their nefarious
designs, 1 have called you together to con
suit what is best to be done in the premises
I therefore recommend to you the following
programme, submitted by the Secretary Of
War:
That you appropriate (4OO,OoO,0o0) fou'
hundred million of men, and (S725, ,O0O,
900 75) seven hundred and twenty-five
million dollars and seventy-fve cents, tc
make the war short and sharp. He woulc
also recommend that We employ GOO, 900,
O0O) two hundred million Chinese, to com
mence excavating directly underneath ths
seeding States, making their approaches
gradually, by parallel lines, to the surface
of the earth, now claimed as the Southern
Coufederacy; aud that (l,O0O,o ,oO0) one
million of men be detached from the mair
body of the so-called United States Army
to cooperate with them in their approache:
to the surface. Our valuable engineer
Maj. Nutmeigs, thinks this will completely
rout the enemy. He also recommends thai
We apply to our friend and ally, Great Brit
ton, for (4OO,0O0) four hundred thousand
ice bergs, to form Gordon of military posts,
extending from the mouth of the Chesa
peake to the Rio Grande. This is thought
by all our military men as one Of the grand
est operations in modern warfare, and that
it will have chilling effect on the insurgents
and maintain the blockade.
He has been negotiating with Neptune,
the King of the Sea, and has procured his
services, offensive and defensive, during
the war, and procured from him Goo, ,OOO)
two hundred thousand whales, to act as gun
boats along the coast Of the so.called sece'
ding States, each of them to be mounted
with long thirty two FOUNDER, for the pur'
pose of entering the small bays and inlets
in the so-caled seeding States, and land
ing men armed with my various proclama'
tions, to put down the so.called rebellion.
1t will also be necessary to have force
of (2OO,000,000) two hundred million Of
men stationed on the banks of New Found
land, to keep the Goldfish and mackerel in
subiection, as | have reliable information
that a great many of them are going down
South to Dixie, and are aiding and abet
ting the enemy. think with this force in
the field, properly fenced in, and the bars
kept up, auda reserve of (40O, 900, ,OOO) four
hundred million IF men, we can, by early
frost, approach the eremy's lines, and at
least convince him that We have govern.
nent.
would recommend that 100000 four
hundred thousand men De sent to Egypt,
to transport two of the pyramids to the So
called United States-one of them to be
placed where the Washington monument
now stands, to lay my bones in, when death,
the slayer of kings as well as subjects,
shall have laid his icy hand upon me. |
have always wished and desired to be en-
balmed and laid in the tombs of the Pha,
roahs The other to be placed in the City
of Richmond, to receive the remains Of
Field Marshall Scott, King Of the two
Cicilys, Lord High Admiral of Constradt,
Duke of Broganzas and Master of the
Horse.
The Secretary of the Treasury recon-
nends the following programme to raise
what funds will be necessary to carry on
the war:
l. That tax Of , per cent. be levied
on all fish running South Of Mason and
Dixon's line, except those employed in the
service of the 50. called United States.
2. That the comet be charged 20 per
cent mileage, as long as he continues to
roam in the Southern hemisphere.
3. That the man in the moon be charg.
ed IS per cent. per mohth, for furnishing
the so.called Southern Confederacy with
light during the war.
i. Also an advalorem tax of 20 per
cent. be levied on all rivers running into
the Mississippi, especially the Ohio River.
5. Also a tax of 20 per cent. on all hogs
raised at Pigs Point, on the Potomac.
g. He also recommends q tax of per
cent. per gallon, on the water now running
over the falls of Niagara, and all other falls
ip the so.called United States
l will not trespass any longer upon your
patience, and will conclude by stating that