The weekly mountain Democrat. [volume] (Placerville, El Dorado County, Calif.) 1861-1862, 1861-09-07

No. answered the lady with placid
dignity.
How the boat pitches! As you are
wounded, shall do the honors 2 said he.
You are very gallant she replied
Wasn't always" he asked, as he re-
seated himself
Always replied the wife, but not to
me-
MY dear Maid
Pardon me; you are forgetting your.
SELF
Not at all, replied the husband stoutly.
4 repeat it. Why were you and | so un-
happy togetherf
The vessel strained and pitched as he
spoke, and orders were given upon deck,
and the wind hOwlcd, and the rain beat
down on the sky.light above them.
There's storm coming on he remark
cd rather unnecessarily.
I'm afraid there is, replied the wife.
But answer my question
'What question:
'Oh, you know said he irritably. y
asked you why we were always 50 I'M
happy toSetherP
4 might as well ask you why you were
always so unkind?' said Mrs. TIIirlby.
i recognize you there said the hus-
band, you answer one question by asking
another. remember you always did
1t used to irritatc me-
Everything used to irritate you. inter
Iupted the wife, calm and provoking.
when it was irritating amended Mr..
Thirlby.
You found it So said the lady with
feminine emphasis.
'Ol cOure it was me, returned the hus
band; Il was the villain-husbands al
ways are.'
No; I was the termagant-wiveS al.
why's are,' repeated the lady.
My love you were always good, and
right, and piOus, and virtuous,' his love Of
sarcasm overcoming his better sense
You were always provokingly proper
oil broken hearted submission, meckness,
mildncss. and downca>t eyes, as il adver
tiSing to the world Look here my mO:-
stcr is breaking my heart; not that
complain; oh, dear no /; am too good for
that. He is killing inc, and | am rather
glad he is, am so angelic and resigned
Mrs. Thirdly knit her brows for mo-
ment she hcsitated between quitting the
cabin and replying. Temper triumphcd
and she spoke:
'lfso, you pursued the opposite tactics, ;
said she. 'You were all smiles, frank
ness, jolity, and good humor-to the
world sort of proclamation Of: See
| q 4 hat n finn haa ,.fs.,t fall lo
| am, and yet my wife-my wicked wife
is miserable with inc! Oh, thank
heaven, am not your wife now'
The ship lurched again, and Mrs. Thirl-
by's tea cup fell to the floor, but without
breaking.
you needn't get into passion, said
her husband, nor upset the tea things !;
you're not at home now, you know
| did not upset it I said the lady on
grily.
Yes, you did,
No, | didn't
Yes, you did,
Il did not. sir' repeated the lady, tap
ping the table authoritatvely with her
undamagcd hand, and so knocking off the
other cup, which broke into a dozen
pieces.
There said the husband, picking up
the fragments carefully, NAnd arranging
them before her, perhaps you didn't
break that either!'
1t would be impossible to describe the
extent to which handsome Mrs. Thirdly
was put by this accident. Her face dark
encd, and without loosing its beauty,
looked a thunder -Storm--thc ox-eyed
Juno wraihful with Jupiter.
Thirlby tried to walk the cabin. 'Time
has not subdued that awful temper, then. 2
he remarked.
Nor the recollection of your il-uSage,
she replied. Neither ten years nor ten
hundred can do that!'
Ten hundred = said he; you will be
fine old lady by then
And so will you,' the wife retorted !;
"you arc more than forty now!'
We'll, if l am answered the husband
angrily, you arc tivcand- thirty--.no
chicken either!'
One Of the chief reasons that matrimo-
nial differences are so bitter is, that each
party are so we'll informed of the enemy's
weak side.
"Why, positively, you're bald!" said
Mrs. Thirdly, who had not before seen
the shining scalp in the centre of her hus-
bands Uranium; eyes, quite bald at the
top"
Mr.. Thirlby turned white with passion
he was very vain man-and walked
up to her as il about to make some over.
whclming reply. Unfortunately. he saw
that her hair was as black, as lustrous, and
as rich as ever.
His wife guessed his intention, and said,
aggravatingly: Poor old man, was he
bald, theny"
You know you were always beauty"
sncercd the husband.
Mrs. Thirlby rose from her seat and
bowed, as il she said: al know it" and
it rritatcd her husband more than ever.
"As lovely as afflicted" continued he.
AT all events" replied the lady, that
Mrs." -
"Silence, Madam" Numbered the hus.
band. "You have too often repeated that
lady's name, and forbid"
You forbid, indeed" |" cried the wife.
land, pray, who are you that command
me! Why should not mention that wo-
man's-I beg pardon-that lady's name !?
Who is to prevent me! Not her lover,
sir," she continued, lashing herself into 0
rage" when he has ceased to be my
husband"
"By Jove," said Thirdly. "this is as it
used to be; but, as you say, we are scpa-
rated :" and he bent his head over the ta-
BILE and drOned: For this and other ner.
cies, Heaven, make Us truly thankful"
Mrs. Thirdly tore the handkerchief from
the scalded hand, and threw it across the
table-the fragments Of soap fell into the
sugar basin.
"What noble vengeance |" continued
be, in n pOmpous tone. "What great
ness what magnanimity of soul, and
what brilliant repartee 4. Pom my word,
this is refreshing What meeting after
ten years absence The breeze without,
the row within Any one could swear
to US for man and wife |"