Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1861-10-18
The Front Teeth and the Grinders.
BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.

by OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.
.u.r.r.s From the Atlantic Monthly.
Once on time mutiny arose among the
teeth of worthy man, in good health asd
blessed with sound constitution, commonly
known as Uncle Samuel. The cutting teeth,
or tncisors, and the eye-tceth, or CANNES,
though not nearly SO many, all counted, nor
SO large nor so strong is the grinders, and
by no means so white, but, on the contrary,
very much discolored, began to find fault
with the grinders as not good enough CON-
pany for them. The cye-teeth, being very
sharp and fitted for seizing and tearing, and
standing out taller than the rest, claimed to
lead them. Presently one Of them complain
ed tlsat 1t ached very badly, and then another
and another. Very soon the cutting teeth,
which pretended they were supplied by the
same nerve, and were proud of it, began to
ache also. They all agreed that it was the
faiilt Of the grinders. .l ...-'.. "a. @..
m About this tiiie, Uncle Sam having used
his old toothbrush (Which was never good
one, having no stiffness in the bristles) for
four weeks, took new one, recommended to
him by great number Of people as homcIy
but useful article Thereupon all the front
teeth, one after another, declared Uncle Sam
uel meant to scour them white, which was a
thing they would never submit to, though
The whole civilized world was calling on them
to do so. So they all insisted on getting out
of the sockets in which they had grown and
stood for so many years. But the wisdom
teeth spoke up for the others and said:
NAY, there be but twelve of you front
teeth, and there be twenty of us grinders
We are the strongest, and good deal nearest
the muscles and the joint, but we cannot
spare you. We have put up with your black
stains, and we are not going to let you go,
under the pretence that you are to be scrub
bed white, if you stay. You don't work
half so hard as we do, but you can bite the
food well enough, which we grind so much
better than you,. We belong to each other
You must stay"
Thereupon the front teeth, first the ca.
mines, or dog teeth, next the incisors, or cut.
ting teeth, proceeded tc declare themselves
out of the Jaws of Uncle Samuel.
Then Uncle Samuel rose in his wrath and
shut his jaws tightly together, and swore he
would keep them shut until those aching and
discolored teeth Of his went to pieces in their
sockets, if need were, rather than have then,
drawn, standing, as some of them did, at the
very opening OF bis throat and stomach.
And now, if you will please to observe, all
those teeth are beginning to ache worse than
ever, and to decay very fast; so that it will
take great deal of gold to stop the boIes
that are forming in them.
But the great white grinders are as sound
as ever, and will remain SO until Uncle Sam.
ucl thinks the time has come for opening his
mouth. In the meantime they keep on grind.
ing in a quiet way, though the others have
had to stop biting for long time. When
Uncle Samuel opens his mouth they will be
as ready for work as ever; but those poor
discolored teeth will be tender for great
while, and never be so strong as they were
before they foolishly declared themselves out
Of their sockets.
The foregoing fable is respectfully dedica
ted to the Southern Pl:bs, who, under the
lead of their Patrician" masters, have " Sc
ceeded,' like their predecessors in the days
Of Meneninus Agripps.