The eastern clarion. [volume] (Paulding, Miss.) 1837-1863, 1861-06-14
Artemus Ward in the South His Trials
and Adventures.

The following amusing burlesque, by
the famous Artemus Ward, comes about
as near the truth as the generality of Nor
thern accounts Of travel in the SOUTH
On the principle that "a little fun now
2Ads sttb6flp.ii tb69fp is Felaahaa hfthA Ssast naR,
Of our readers
had narer soape from the sonny
South THE swings and arrers Of out
raus fortin," alluded to by Hamlick
warm t nothing in comparison to my trou-
bles. ! came peslly near swearin sum pro.
fame oaths moren once, but ! hope |
didn't do it, for I've promist she whose
name shall be nameless Except that her
initials is Betsey j., that I'll jine the
meetin house at Baldnsvile, jest as soon
/ as can scrape money enough together so
can ford to be Plus in good style, like
my welthy nabers. But il Pm conhstica-
ted again Pm flaid shall continner on in
my present benited state for some time.
figgered conspicyusly in meny thrillin
scenes in my tower from Montgomry to
my humsted, and on sevril occasins |
thought the great komie paper" would
MT never be inriched no more with my
lubrications. After biddin a doc to jeff
erson D. | started for the depo ] saw a
Niger sitten on a fence playin on ban
, 10. "My Airikn brother" sed /, cotin
! from Track ! onct red, you belong to a
very interestin race. Your master is goin
! to war exclusively on your account"
eyes, boss" he replied, and he went on
playin the banjo, laIfn all over, and open
| in his mouth wide onuf to drown in an
! ole fashioned two wheeled chaise.
The trane Of cars in which was to trust
my walerable life was the scaliest ricky
/ test lookin lot of consarns that | ever
saw on wheels alore "What time does
this string Of second hand cofiins leave p
inquired of the depot master. He SEQ
| dereckly, an | went in and sot down.
hand morn fairly squatted afore a darl
lookin man with a swinister expression
onto his countenance, entered the cars
and lookin very sharp at me, he aske'
what was my principles ?
"Secesh (" ] answered. 90 m Dssolu
ter I'm in favor Of jeff Davis, Boure
gard Piclens. Capt. Kidd, Bloobeard
Munroe Edards, the devil, Mrs. Cunning
ham, andrall the rest Of EN-"
"Yo're in favor Of the warp
: "Cerinly. BY all means. I'm in favo
/ Of this war and also of the next war. Py'
been in favor of the next for over sixteel
years.
"Blud, Fargo, blud p sed /, tho then
I wurds isn't origgernal with me. Then
wurds was rit by Shakespeare, who is ded
His Mantle fell onto the author Q
"Seyen Sisters, who's goin to have Sprin
over coat made out OF it.
= We got under way al larst, an pre-
q ceeded on our jerney at about the rate Q
speed which is ginrally observed by pre-
perly conducted funeral procession.
hansum young gal, with a red muskete
bar on the back part OF her he'd, an
sassy little black hat tip over her forrerc
:. sot in the seat with me. She wore a II
ie tie Sesesh flag pin'd onto her nat and sh
IT, was eoin to her troo love, who bad jne
the Southern army, and so bold and {
~ ray. So she told me. She was chilly on
/ offered her my blanket.
, "Father liyin 2" ! asked.
'' "Yes, sir."
"Got any Uneles ?"
"a heap. Uncle Thomas is ded tho"
"Peace to Uncle Thomas ashes, ar
success to him / will be your Unc
Thomas Lean on me, my pretty Sect
her. and linger in blissiul repose p 81
slept as saeoorly as in her own house, al
didn't disturb the sollum stiffness Of t
lon night with 'ary snore.
ae' Atthe first station troop Of Sojera {
4 tered the cars and enquired if "0ld w