The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1861-03-26
lrrom Vanity Fair
AR EMUS WARD ON Ills TRAVELS.
NTo THE WIN

Since last rt you I've net with immense
success shown my show in varis places,
particly at Detroit. L put up at Mr.. Russers
tavern, very good tavern too, but / am sor.
ry to inform YOU that the clerks tried to cum
Gouge Game on me. | brandshed my
new sixteen dollar huntin-cased watch round
considerable, e. as ] was dressed in my store
clothes & had lot Of sweet scente wagon.
grease on my hair, am free to confess that
thought l looked putty gay. 1t never onco
struck me that lookt green. But up steps
clerk & axes me hadn't | better put my
watch in the Safe. 'Sir, sez |, that watch
cost sixteen dollars Yes Sir every dollar Of
it, You can't como it over me, my boy -
Not at ALL | know'd what the clerk want.
ed He wanted to make believe AS tho ho
locked it up in the safe, then he would set
the house a fire and pretend rs tho the watch
was destroyed with the other propertv But
he caught Temater when he got bold of
me. From Detroit 60 Wcstard hoe. On
the cars was a he-lookin female, with green
cotton umbreller in one hand and handful
Of Reform tracks in the other. She sed every
woman should have Spear. Them as didn't
demand their Spears, didn't know what was
good for them. what is my spear (? she AK
ed addresin the people in the cars. is it to
stay home IL darn stocking & be the ser-lave
of .dominecrin man! Or is it my Spear to
vote e. speak & show myself the eknl of man
Is there sister in tacse kcers that has her
proper Spear?' which the eccentrick female
wIirled her umbreller round several times, Il
finally jabbed me in the weskit with it,
Il have no obecshuns to your goin into tho
Spear biziniss, scz /, but you'll please re.
member | amt pickeril. Don't Spear me
agin, if you please She sot down.
At Ann Arbor, bein seized with sudden
faintncss, called for a drop of suthin to
drink. As was strrn the beverage up,
a palo.faced man in gold spcctaces laid his
hand upon my shoulder, IL sed, Look not
upon the wine when it is redp
Sa2 L, 'Thio aiuL wine. This Is Old
Rye
1T stingeth like Adder and bteth like a
sarpcntr sed the man.
Il guess not, sed |, when you put sugar in
it. That's the way alters take mine
Have you sons grown up, sir! J! the man AK
cd.
ALL l replide, as I put myself out side
my beverage, my son Artemus junior is go.
ing on ls.
'Ain't you afraid if you set this example
be4 him, he'll cum to a bad end 2
He's cum to n waxed enl already. He's
learned the shoemakin biziniss,' | replied.
guess we can both on us git alaug without
your assistance, Sir [ observed, as he was
about to open his mouth agin.
This is cold world = sed he man.
That's so. But you'll get into warmer
one by and By, if you don't mind your own
biziriss better" | was little riled at the
fellcr because never take nothing only when
| really need it, afterwards learned he
was temperance lecturer, and if he can in.
JUICE men to stop settin their nnards on fire
with the frightful Ticker which is rotailed
round the country, | shall hartily rejoice
Better give men Prusick Assid to onct, than to
pizcn 'cm TO deth by degrees.
At Albion | met with overwhelmin success.
The celebrated Albion Female ,menary is
located here, ~ there air over 800 young Ia
dies in the Institution pretty enutf to eat
without seasorin or sass. The young ladies
was very kind to me, yolunteerin TO pin my
handbils onto the backs Of their dresses. 1t
was q sublime site to see over 800 young la.
dies goin round with a advertisement Of A.
Wards onparaleld show, conspickusly posted
onto their dresses.
They've got Pauick up this way and re.
fooze to take Western money. 1t never was
worth much, and when western mon, who
know what it is, refoozc to take their own
money it is about time other folks stop hand
lin it. Banks are Dustin every day, goin up
higher nor any balloon of which we have any
record These western bankers air sweet &
luvly set of men, wish owned as good
house as some of EN- would break into!
Virtco is its own reward.
A. WARD.