The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-06-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= A silent wag-the way of dogs

siieht "ag-the way oil dog
tail.
=" What ails your eye, Joel" /
told man he lied"
- That soul is impure which is never
washed with tears.
= The song of the Siamese Twins
/" We were boys together"
- A hacking cough is said to be the
first stage Of consumption.
The time to run oft-When your
landlord won't let your bi Il run on.
= If man cheats you once, blame
him; if second time, blame yourself
- To keep apples from rotting-place
them in a dry cellar with fifteen children.
Punch says that the inventor of the
steam engine was man Of great engine
uity.
=" Matchless misery" has been de-
fined to be having cigar and nothing to
light it with.
= The brave think only Of the blows
they shall strike, the timid of those they
may receive.
- How many hens has your mother
when it comes night? None; they are
all roosters.
- Ladies, please be sweet, but don't
be too formal. Be roses, but don't bo
primroses.
- Tall gentlemen are always success.
ful, because the ladies are always in favor
Of hy-men.
= The lash that man docs not object TO
have laid on his shonlders-tho eye lash
of a pretty girl.
= If time is money, most people have
great deal more money than they know
what TO do with.
- Antamony for the times: Arms
for those who will fight for the Union, legs
for those who won't.
- Let no one failure discourage YOU.
Hc that has had fall may stand as up
right rs ever he did.
- An old maid speaking of marriage
says it is like any other diseaso.-whle
there's life there's hope.
- A trusting wi(c-one who trusts,
when her husband goes out in the morn
ing, that he never will return.
i hate to hear people talk behind
ones back, rs the thief said when the
robbcr cried "stop thief"
If you think of nothing but life you
are unfit for death; if of nothing but
death, you are unfit for life.
- A writer asks if any one can inform
n poor man the best way to start nur.
scry? Certainly, get married.
= A confirmed tippler was bothered
how to honor his birthday. A brilliant
idea struck him. He kept sober.
- The South threatens the North
with her Beauregard. New York will
meet her with her Bowery Guard.
"A young lady being asked by a
politician what party she preferred, repli-
ed that she preferred wedding party.
- 1t has been said that the devil must
necessarily be a gentleman, because the
imp of darkness cant be imp-o-light.
= The lays of nightingale may be
very delightful to well fed man, but the
lays of hen are liked better by hun
cry one.
-" That is a very knotty affair."" said
the culprit looking at the rope. alt is
because you have been naughty yourself"
was the answer.
A Western editor noticing tie mar
riagc of Mr.. Boot to Miss Leather,
very nationally remarks that they are GO
lug into the boot making business.
A gentleman praising the gcnerosi-
ty of his friend, observed that he spent
money like water. Then of course he
Hquidated his debts, rejoined wag.
- Anatomists say that man changes
every seven years. Therefore" says the
inimitable Jones, "my tailor should not
remind me of the bill contracted in 1854
Il amt the the man,"
- A man was suspected of stealing q
horse. and was arrested. "What am /
taken for?" he inquired of tho sheriff.
81 take you for horse" was the reply
whcrcupon he kicked the sheriff over, and
ran oft.
- "Paddy," said short sighted wag,
"why don't you get your ears cropped
They are entirely too long for n man."
"And yours" replied Pat, ought to
be heightened, they are too short for an
ass"
"Boy, did you let off that gun?'
exclaimed an enraged schoolmaster.