Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1861-06-06
Burlesque Telegram Sensations
on the War.

Telegram Sensations
on the War.
The following, from a New York paper,
is a very fine burlesque on the sensation
dispatches of the telegraph:
From our own .'Operator." !"
EXTRAORDINARY AND ExTRA-oFFIcIAL.
WAsH1NGrok, May "a, 1856 A. NJ.
Large numbers, Of troops are getting up
in this vicinity. The capital is safe.
Ditto, Eight a. M-Vast quantities of
United States supplies have suddenly dis
appeared. The sceessionists are lying about
in every direction. A rapid movement to
the rear is apprehended. The collection
forces in Virginia is stupendous. Rumor
estimates the number assembled in the
neighborhood of Richmond at something
under million.
Ten Il. MA shabby-looking charac-
ter was arrested this morning at Ham
mack's, for loudly declaring that be prefer
ed Southern "planked sbad" to Northern
baked clans. The indignation of our gal
liant New Englanders was with difficulty
restrainedl The language of the seces-
sionist ruffian was understood TO be an in
siduous reference TO the planking of the
Long Bridge and the shelllng of Baltimore.
Measures will be taken to prevent such in
cendiarism hereafter.
Noon.-We hear from Secretary Wig
gins, directly that large seizure of Davis
Crackers have been made at Pittsburgh
Penn.
Later.-A gentleman just arrived from
Virginia in parachute-having been COM
PEELED to flee for bis life in that species of
conveyance that the whole South
ern country is in reign of terror. The
people of Charleston are packing up their
houses and flying with them to the noun
tains just back of that city. The slaugh-
ter of Fort Monroe was terri6c-out of one
hundred and ten men in that fortress one
hundred were killed outright, and proper
tionate number wounded. Our informant
with his own eyes, saw scores of''dead SOL
diers" in the negro burying ground. Gen.
Beauguard was certainly slain. His spine
and spectacles were the only remnants Of
that arch-traitor that could be found
mong the ruins of Moul,rie.
Still Later.-The most vigorous war
measures have been decided on. Milburn
is to furnish the soda. Five Democrats
were to-day removed from the Patieut or
flee. A base attempt at poisoning has just
been discovered. A package of cocktails,
sent from Pennsylvania-avenue to distin-
guished public funclionary, was, upon ex-
animation, found to be composed of Will
lard's whisky.
Latest-Eleyer P. M-Brilliant En-
ploit-Commodore Slam Bang, at half
past eleven this evening, swan down to
Alexandria, (eighty miles distant) and cap
tured one hundred and forty-two poun-
der which the Secessionlsts had planted in
an orchard, among the swamps that sur
round the nights on which that place is
built. The Secessionists on the Commo-
dore's approach, retired to bed, and the
one-hundred and forty-two pounder ma
king no resistance, the distinguished Off
Ger, after firing one discharge in token of
his victory, brought the piece back with
him, and, still in bis naval uniform, mount
cd it in the vicinity of Center Market
house.
By the way, We regret, that in the cap
ture of Winan's steam-gun, lately record
ed, the steam escaped. General Butler
found the destructive in a very bad box.
Lumber will be scarce in this neighbor-
hood, as the price of Yellow Pine has ris-
en-, and the supply on hand is of bad
quality. Hasten on your re-inforcements.
1t was, at first, supposed that the most of
our noble laddies had been seriously injur-
ed at the Wizards confagration: but, up
on inspection it was found that what had,
at first been mistaken for frightful wounds
were only glimses ofred flannel under jack
cts, disclosed through certain gaps in the
contract uniform. This should be reme-
died. y
Il little before doylight.-There is
great excitement at headquarters, occa
stoned by the report that breaches have been
found on fortress Monroe. The troops
there, too, are said TO have experienced
great difficulty in getting any of their pie
,es off. This is another of jeff Davis
Internal plots.
Daybreak-The Governor of Florida
has issued a proclamation against the mus
3uitoes. All rattlesnakes and alligators,
and every other man obstruc,ing the ope-
-ation of the laws, are to be moved forth
with from the coast. The people are es-
Gaping from New Orleans in flat-boats.-
Seventy-three thousand Mississippians are
in the middle of the Potomac.
They complain of drouth. have reliable
advices that there are only three people in
or anywhere else, and they have
lied twice of starvation for the want of
arms. The rest of the inhabitants are liv-
ing on watermelons.
The TelegraDhic Seizures.