Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1861-05-02
Miistellantons.
SOiilOquy of a LOafer.

Let see, Wncre am 1nlS lS-cOaI
I'm lying on. How'd I get here? Yes,
mind now. Was coming up street
met a wheelbarrow; was drunk, comm
t'other way, the wheelbarrow fell over
me, or over the wheelbarrow, and one of
us fell into the cellar-do' mt know which
now-guess it must ha' been me. Pm
a nice young man. yes l am-tight! tore!
drunk! Well! | can't hel p it-'taint my
fault-wonder whose fault tits? Is it
Jones' fault? No. Its my wife's fault?
Well, it amt. Is it the wheelbarrow'
fault? No. It's whisky's fault. Who is
whisky? Has he large family? All
poor, I reckon. think l won't own him
any more. I'll eut his acquaintance. I've
had that notion for about ten years, and
always hate to do it for fear of hurting
his feelings. I'll do it now-I think liq-
uor's injurin' me-its spoilin' my temper.
Sometimes get mad, when I'm drunk.
and abuse Bets and the brats; it used to
be Lizzie and the children-that's some
time ago. I'd come home o. evenin's she
used to put her arms around my neck and
kiss me and call me dear William. When
l comes hame now, she takes her pipe
out of her eyes, and says somthin' like
"Bill, you drunken brute, shut The door
after you; we are cold enough, haven no
fire, 'thout lettin' the snow blow in that
way" Yes she's Bets and I'm Bill, now.
l amt good bill, nuther; think Pm a
counterfeit, won't pass tavern without
goin' in and gettin' drunk-Don't know
what bank I'm on. Last Saturday l was
on the river bank drunk.
1 stay out pretty late; no. sometimes
I'm out all night; facts is, I'm out pretty
much all over-out of friends, out of
pocket, out at the elbows and knees, and
always outrageously dirty-so Bets says:
but then she's no judge, for she's never
clean herself. wonder why she doesn't
wear good clothes may be she hasn't got
'em; whose faults that?-tain't mine
must be whiskey's.
Sometimes Pm in, however; I'm in
toxicated now, and in somebody's coal
cellar. There's one principle I've got
| won't get in debt; l never could do it.
There, one of my coat tails is gone-got
tore off, 1 expect, when 1 fell in here.
I'll have to get new suit soon. A fell
low told me, t'other day, that Ia make
good sign for paper Milf he was mt
so big I'd kick him.-Ive had this shirt
on for nine days. an Pm afraid it won't
come off without tearin' People ought
to respect more'n they do. for I'm in ho-
ly order. aint dandy, though my
clothes are pretty near Greascian style. I
guess tore this window shutter in my
pants t'other night. when sat down on
the wax in Ben Riggs shop; I'll have
to get it mended, or-I'll catch cold. /
amt very stout, as it is. AS the boys
say. I'm as fast as a match and as healthy
as thesmall pox. My best hat has been
standing guard for a window pane that
went out t'other morning at the invita-
tion ofa brickbat. IT'S gettin' cold down
here wonder if amt able to climb. If
l had drink could think better. Let's
see; ! amt got three cents; if I was in a
tavern could sponge one.-Whenever
anybody treats and says "come fellers,"
l always think my names "fellers," and
I've got too good manners to refuse
Well, must leave this, or they'll arrest
me for attempt at burglary. 1 amt
come to that yet. Anyhow it was the
wheelbarrow done the harm-not me.