davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

An Irish shopkeeper having ordered a
quantity of haddock fish by the Adams &
Cos. Express, was somewhat indignant
upon the delivery of the fish, to find on
the package the letters &C, O. d."
"An sure" said Pat, II didn't order
Goldfish.
The Expressman examined the fish and
pronounced them haddock.
"Well,' says Pat, "c-od won't spell
haddock.'
"Oh, ho," the Expressman replied cod
spells cod.'
And says Pat tr!umphantly, pointing
to the fish, 'ihem's fish
"les-you are right thore.'
"WcIl, that makes Goldfish, don't it, ye
spalpeen p
"Where did you get the cod FROM re-
turned the Expressman.
look there = said Pat, pointing at the
portentous c. Q. D., that's cod to be
sure
"Oh, no. replied the Expressman,
that's c. 0. D., which means collect on
delivery
"Ah, be1ad, didn't think O that cried
Pat, scratching his head with one ha nd,
and feeling for his purse with the other
but young man let me give you Bit O.
advice. When yez bring any bundles for
me, don't put on anything SO mysterious
agaio but joUst revar-e the big letters,
ID. .. e., and then yez can deliver On col
lection, which any fool can understand
The EApresSman walked off much
pleased, and promised to lay Pat S sug
gestion before the Superintendent.
Time is 50 precious at Pixies Peak, and
The ranch men are so bored to death by
the thousand and one questions generally
asked by those who are tlocking there, that
one man at Fremont Springs has adopted
his shrewd device to save trouble.
Read .-pon't ask any questions for
Heavens $ sake, for here are the answers
Question-How far is ii to Denver?
Answer 81 miles.
Q.--How far to Cottonwood Spring?
A.-Two miles and half
Q.-Can We get any wood there?
A.-Nary a wood.
Q.-lIow do you like living here?
A.-Well enough.
Q.-How long have you owned this
ranch?
A.-About two years
Q-Arc YOU married?
A.-No.
Q.-Why don't you get wife7
A.-None of your business.
Q.-Do you sell whiskcy?
Ayes.
Q.-iow much a drink?
A.-Fifteen cents.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

When General Lee was prisoner at al.
banv, be dined with all lrishman. Before
entering upon the wine, the General re-
marked to his host, that after drinking he
was apt is abuse lrishmet,, for which he
hoped the host would excuse him in ad
vance. by my soul, General, viii do
that" said his host, d" if you will excuse a
trilng fault which | have myself, 1t is
this whenever | bear man abuse ould
lre land, have n sad fault of cracking his
sconce with my shillaly J. The General
was civil. during the whole evening.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

Noltaire related to Mr. Sherlock an an.
nectode of Swift. Lady Carteret, wife of
the Lord Lieutenant, said to Swift: The
air OF Ireland is very excellent and
healthy For goodness sake, madam"
said Swift, "doi.'t say SO in England, ior
if you do they will certaiuly tax it.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

The Pawncr's Bank, in Boston, i. do
ing good business. Two-t thirds Of the
loans are under eleven dollars, and in Sc
out OF evary 100 loans the whole interest
paid on the loan is less than twenty one
cents.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

DoN'r JuMP-Never jump from a third
story window when there is any other
means OF escape.
Never jump at conclusions.
Try to avoid jumping out Of :he frying
pan into the FIRE.
Never jump off the dock because you
are IN debt or in love. You will get wet
if you do.
Never jump after the ferry boat when
it is more than half way across the river
Never jump at fash of lightning
of little use s--u.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21
- . . .

Mrs, Chibbles has great ideas Of her
husbands military powers. For two
years" said she, he was lieutenant in
the horse marines, after which he was
promoted to the captaincy of a regular
squad Of sapheads ard minors"
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

"Does my son William that's in the
army get plenty to eat?" asked a lady of
a recruiting sergeant, the other day He
sees plenty was the laconic reply. Bless
his heart. then, | know he will hsve it if
he can see it; he always would at home
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

DEATH OF AN OLD PloyEER--The Oma.
ha Nedraskian of the Sth inst, says "A
report is current in our streets that Peter
A. Sharpy, was drowned day or two
since while attempting to cross the Mis-
sourl river on the ice, near St. Mary, Iowa.
The report is founded on the fact that his
team, wagon and carpet-sack, were found
in the river, and nothing been heard of
him, and we see no reason for doubling
its truth.
Mr.. Sarpy was emneptiy the pioneer
OF the upper country, having made his
home in this eighborhood for the past
thirty years, and was the first white man
who ever lived in Nebraska, and as some
aver, the first one ever who placed foot
upon her soil, wLich may be correct if we
accept the men Of Lewis & Clrk's Expe.
dition. in whose footsteps he followed
" Mr.. Sarpy was an old Indian trader,
and at one time bad more influence among
the Indian tribes Of this section than any
other white man. He has lived to see the
wilderness which be sought in his younger
days transformed, one half into The finest
portion of the State OF Iowa. and the re.
mander into the tlourishng Territory Of
Nebraska. Slowly, but surely, civilization
closed around the wild home of his choice
and ali educated aud enlightened race
came to inhabit the land which was own
ed by the still wilder associates Of his
youth.
" For the last thirty years Mr.. Sarpy
has crossed the Missour almost daly,
and now finds a grave beneath it's III uddy
and treacherols waters and though Of
late years other men have usurped the
control, and figured to his comparative
exclusion uron the stage of which lie once
was monarch his name will ever be asso-
ciated with the history of Nebraska, and
bis memory cherished by our people and
constantly Kept in mind BY the Leautitu
county in which over quarter of cen.
~"iy 'i"eS, 40 uo"e u'o aotiey anu "hich
now bears his name.'
v, C-'---.- H. III
D. ,n D,,,1.
I :, ,.-,.t1
=,
Of the stage. God changes their cuun-
....--, ,.- :, ~, =,
,-.,..,,
-...t~-. :,
,r - o.,
49, ,.
-., ' r,.~~
.r',',, , ~, " '.'''1
,,,
49,.
all, , a,. ,.I., r,..I,
'''~' '''''' ''''o''N '''
"l'' '''' = 20" " ''''
=, ~, ~,
"' inv '''.'' '''s'
" '' '1s0 :"
'"' pa'e '''o 70, ''''' ""''''e ''s ''Ne'
fe''ON NV
- -
"'o', 0"" "ep's~'''' 'no ''-D''o'' wan
- Joy
river STATUS Oh Tue spo' "nere he WAS
born, walks over such grounds looks on
such ancient trees-solitary, living memo.
rails Of the nast. ar cop,am,l,t,s the ord
,-u:. =,
"e'''s '"e '''S' q ali n'a'es ID HIS re-
collections the emotions which one feels
as he pauses in these solitary rambles, and
strives TO recall the views and antieipa.
,;,,, &C b. oun o..,u na.u, Ala. ~ -,
"' " rs y '' , ;, ~ 20
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

CAPT. WILKES The Brooklyn Times
is responsible for the following -" Capt.
Wilkes, the bold and responsibility assum-
ing Commander of the San Jacinto, who
caused a gun to be fred across the bows
Of the British steamer Trent, brought her
to and relieved her of Mason and Slidell
and their Secretaries, is now about fifty.
six years of age. Consequently, as Jack
Bunsby would say, he was once younger
than he is now-though every inch a sailor,
and not often given to the melting mood,
the blind God once succeeded in sending
one ct his shafts clear through his rough
sou wester, which found a Judgment in
his honest heart. The bow from which
III" shaft was sped, hung in the eyes Of
fair girl, and straightway the jolly tar fell
head over ears in love- He prosecuted
his suit with vigor. The girl was lass
who loved sallor"--and SO smiled upon
him, and consented to become his wife
But the young sailor had rival in the
SOU Of respectable tallow chandler. well
to do, called S!ideil, and young SIidel
feeling considerably cut up by being cut
out, refused to accept the "the miten;
but not having spunk enough to throw
down the glove TO his sailor rival, content
ed himself with poisoning the mind of the
stern parient." Of the fair one, until lie
refused his consent 10 his daughters mar
rage with the bold Charlie Wilkes. and
insisted upon her giving her hand TO young
Slldel., which, after many protestatious
and the customary amount of tears and
Mysteries, she did, and became Mrs. John
Slidel. The bold Charlie Wilkes did not
speak and pine or let his melancholy feed
on his weather beaten cheeks. but went to
sea and smo:nered his grief in attending
to duty aud sustaining the honor of his
nation flag never seeing his lady lass
again, nor meeting his successful rival for
her hand and heart, until he saw him
stand a prisoner on board his ship, trail
tor to his country and rebel against the
flag the h5nest--rar had spent his li!e in
defending. Such is the romance Of war.
We congratulate the bold Charlie upon
having at last got more than evon.'
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

We have boy at home about years
old, who by the way, is regular shaver
in bis talk. One day. We were trying to
teach him his alphabet, aud asked him
what "B' stood for. "Georre" was his
prompt answer. "No;' we replied at
stands for hov.' "Well. amt George q
boy y he asked triumphantlY.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

How TO DRINK" Now, gentlemen"
said Sheridan to his guests, as the ladies
left the room, let US understand each
other. Are We to drink like men or like
beasts? p Somewhat Indignant, the guests
exclaimed. Like men, Of course
" Then he replied, we are going to get
Jolly drunk, for brutes never drink more
than they want
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21
How Long Amin Live.

\ bear rarely exceeds twenty years
dog lives twenty, fox fourteen or sixteen.
Lions are long liyed-Pompcy lived to the
age OF seventy years a squirrel or hare
seven or eight years eleghants have been
known to live to the great age Of four
hundred Years when Alexander the
Grea: had conquered Porous, the King of
India, he took a great elephant which hal
fought valicntIy tor the King and named
him Ajax, dedicated him to the sur, and
let him 90, with this Inscription " Alex
ander, the son Of Jupiter, hath dedicated
Ajax to the Sum- This elephant was
found with this laser ptlon three handred
and fifty years afterwards. Pigs have been
known to live to The agc Of thirty years
the rhinoceros to twenty. \ horse has
been known to live to the age Of sixty two,
but averages from twenty to thirty. Cam.
els sometimes live to the aye Of one hun
drcd. Stays are long lived. Sheep seldom
exceed the age of ten. Cows live about
fifteen years. Cuvier considered it proba.
ble that whales sometimes live one hun
dred years Pe!jc&us are long lived. A
tortoise has been known to live one hun,
dred and seven years.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

A old topper, in discussion with q tenn.
perance lecturer, triumphanlly asked-"If
water rots your boots, what effect must it
have on the coats Of your stomach p
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

Vanity Fair gives the following anus
ing paradox: "Old Dog Trays Ever
Faithful" they say but the dog who is
faithful can never be Tray
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

KEEPING TIE LAW There was an old
Quaker who had an unfortunate reputation
of n n-resistance. 1t was said that any
one could jostle him. tread Oh his toes, or
tweak his nose with impunity; until one
market day clustering fellow, being told
that yonder was a man who, if he was
smittcn on one check would turn the other
also, thought it would be sport to try him.
Stepping up to the sturdy good natured
Friend, he slapped his face. The old
man looked at him sorrowtuly for mo.
ment, then slowly another butfect. Upon
that he coolly pulled off his coat |
have cleared tie law said he, "and now
thee must take it, And he gave the
cowardly fellow tremendous thrashing
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

Halloa, Steward + exclaimed fcllew
in one of the steamboats,, after having re.
tired to bed "halloa, steward -
Here, nam" said the darkey steward.
Bring me the way bill
"What for, massa p
want to see if these bed bugs put
down their names for this berth before |
did. II they dIn't, | want EN- turned
out
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21


We have been SLOW to believe that reckless
aeSperadoes, gathered from our large cities
wold make the best soldiers Christian
men or men OF stern moral principles,
though unused to arms are the best mate
rial for an iuvincbIe army. Cromwell
found it so, when he disbanded the Lon
don regiments i'll the army Of the Parlia
ment, aud formed new ones Of gody far
nlers IN the conntry. This was the mate
rial of his lronsdes, who never turned
their backs, but won every battle, careless
Of the superiority in force by which they
might be opposed. The New \ Iork Led
ger says -
1t is generally supposed that des pera-
does-telGows at war with society, aud
with whom society is at war-make the
best soldiers; but this is an error Ac-
cordIns to the testimony of all experience
ed oi2ers, men Of bad character, however
! brave physically, are curse to any army
Such men are generally the prime movers
O! characterization and mutIny, and If
there Is any treason at work, are pretty
sure to be at the bottom of it, Moral
| courage is as essential in military as in
! civil life, al,d IL is not an attribute Of the
| depraped and vicious. He who goes into
battle with a clear conscience, confident
| in the justice Of the cause for which he
risks his life, and believing that God is on
his side, is the only true hero. He is not
! blood thirsty. he is not under the domiui.
ton of u sanguinary and brutal instinct,
but he is enthusiastic where ardor is re-
quired, calm and collected in emergencies
and can bear up cheeriuily against reyer-
ses, hardships and prlvations, under which
the desperate would wilt down or desert.
What but moral courage, oorn of iutegri.
ty of purpose and confidence in Heaven,
sustained the ragged, half-starved, i'll. paid
soldiers OF a bankrupt republic, in their
desperate struggle with the well appointed
legions Of the enemy, during the darkest
hours of the American revolution The
ice obstructed Delaware had not been
crossed, the battles Of Trenton and Prime.
ton had never been fought and won the
horrors OF the winter biyouac at Valley
Forge had never been endured, the inesti
mable blessing of our National Indepen-
dence had never been attained but for the
moral courage and fortitude of good and
true men, at peace with God and their own
consciences. Rowdies and desperadoes,
however available as food for powder ia a
furious charge, never achieve such exploits
or submit patiently to such hardships, as
have made the heroes Of rs immortal in
history. 1t may be set down as an axiuu
that bad men never make COOL soldiers.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-12-21

"Mr. D, if You get my coat done
by next Saturday, shall be forever indeb
ted to you alt won't be done, upon
those terms" said the tailor.
The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1861-10-04
Legal Notice.

DOBERT THEADURE SHANNON. of The
III county of wayne. III the state ni Indiana.
VIII take notice. that John Cox, of the unrInty
OF Hancock. and state " Ohio, did, on the 2i,I
day ui September, a. D.. lSGl, iile his certain
petition IN Tho Court Of Common Pleas within
ana Tor Sld county Of Hancock, and state OF
lOhi. ,, against said II. I. Shannon setting tnr,h h
that AT tho May term, A. y. 1861, Of said Court
Of Common lledS ~ certain action thon and
therein pending, wherein William Ouihwniie
was Ildintli, and the said II. I. Shannon. john
CuN and one David j. Cory we're defendants "A
lJndsmen, WAS had b. the consideration oi said
Court, seslnet said JOHN Cox and in favor of
S'n DAVID j. Cory, upon q certain paper
wrltinS Obligatory, executed on the 10Th dav
or March, a. ID. 1861, BY said Il. T. Shannon
ana john Cox, Ia said William CULTIVATE,
agreeing, for tho consideration i'm said puner
writing expressed. 10 In. cancel, and nav on
certain notes heretofore made BY SAID Outh
waite TO said Cary, which paper writing said
John Cox signed as surety OI said R. r. shan.
non. at his request. That said judgment 80 AS
aforesaid rendered, was for the sum 0f s3it rs,
WIN interest at ten lor Centum from May ?sth,
1861, and also sl0.6! costs of suit. Said John
Cox further sets up In his said petition, that
no was the surely Of said II. I. Shannon, and
tal lie Is entitled TO recover from him the
amount ni said Judgment and costs. And Draws
judgment against said II. 7. shannon for said
sum ul tJ55.3I, with interest on S3l4 rs the oi
from May 2Sth, le6l. SAID Jonn Cox al the
same time hlod his aIhdavit with said petition
Tor attachment against the real estate of said
H. !. shannon, situate IN the state OF Ohio
SAID II, I. shannon IL notified that no is ro.
ln,lel 10 appear ANA answer said petition ON
or before the 10Th day OF November, A. u. 1861
By BRows 4 Bors. his Attorneys.
September -, lsBl.-fTw
The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1861-10-04
From Louisville.

The following private letter Whicl
We are permitted to publish, gives q
highly INTEREST," g acc ,unt oi the re
cent fight at Lexington;
LEXINGTON, September 2l.-M,
DEAR FRlESm - iom will rrcicvr
L..ors ycu s.e this, the inrtlIigenc,
a. tho surrender of the garrison al
Lexington. Thv Bshs which occur
red on Thursday o; last week, was
but preliminary to the greater figh,
whicn has since taken place, and
which resulted IN the unc"nditonal
surrender Ut the post ON yesterday
ut 3 o'clock p. III.
On Wednesday last our town and
fort were in nyested hy force varinns
ly estimated ut from 20 900 to 30 ,O0L
men under Price, Rains, Par.ons
Slack, and who else know not. but
certain it is, that the crtlrr army u
j ack son ia hero.
The fight was begun by the picket,
ns early as eight o'clock, and wa,
continue during the whole oi the
night. Early on Thursday morning
" Was resumed, hnd lasted TO y
t. honr of the evening, when n
Az uf truce was sent in proposing
ter,ns Of surrender, which were III
oDcO j"cied by the officer in con-,
mard.
l,y III. dawn Of day Oh the follow.
ing morning. the ii Ihi uas resnirrd
and during that day ns"y At" mrt
were made 10 carry the place 10y az
ssult. ~ every INSTANCE, however.
tns cnriny meeting "A signal reI,ulse
with eieai loss. IN tho meantime
t,e war hal given ont. Ind, ed
as esrIs M "Wednesday, it WAS al
y,,nnced that tho water had given
out. aid tho nen voro warned no +,
10 est salt provisions tor tear of pro
votiDg thirst and Tor want OF wate
The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1861-10-04
The Prisoners al Richmond.

The officers recently released upon parole
at Richmond, whose arrival at Baltimore
VIA Fort NonToe, has been announced, give
gloomy accounts OF the treatment OF the
Union prisoners, aud particularly the
wounded. They represent thal the wound
ell OF our prisoners. who are under the care
OF tle rebel Surgeons, are mos. iniamousl y
maltreated. They are actually butchered.
amputalionsandc capital operations are per.
formed where there is not the slightest need
OF Them. and nearly all Of these operations
result fatally TO the victims OF the careless.
ness and cruelty Of the rebel Surgeons and
The want OF all accommodations required for
wounded and sick men. The prisoners
complain OF the marked discourtesy mani
Tested towards them by the people at Rich.
mond, and particularly the Vlrsinians.-
The only evidences oi humanity exhibited
emanated from the Louisnnians aud Geor.
g,ans. Many OF the prisoners nre actually
suffering iur the want OF clothing. They
are bareiooted nnd almost naked. Upon a
representation OF this faot to day TO General
scott he promised that they should be sup
Piled as soon as practicable with proper
clothing. When these officers lett Rich
mond one hundred and fifty OF the prisoners
had already been sent to Castle Plnckney,
III Charleston hsrboI. One hundred aud
h'ty moie were 10 ot sent on SftuTtay last
10 New Orleans, ana four hundred more 10
Baton Rouge, early this week. It's intend.
ed TO send all the prisoners South, to pre-.
vent their escape. Sixteen officers, in
GLIDING Que Colonel, and forty privates had
already escaped. There were IN all about
fifteen hundred prisoners at Richmond, in.
lciuding those brought from Western YlIgin.
IA aud the Union people Of the state who
had been dragged from their homes aud
thrust into prison because they would not
give their allegiance exclusively to the gov.
'Tnment set up by the rebel ch'eltains.
The conduct OF the rebels towards these
people is said TO be most intolrIable. They
seize not only men, hut women and child.
Ten One instance is related Of lady who
went into their lines to get PERMISSION TO
nurse her husband who had been wounded
She was promptly imprisoned aud subjected
to the most revolving Ndign,ues. She has
proved o real Florence Nightingale to the
wounded Cnhon Soldiers, but is night,
obliged TO pin her shawl up us a curtain I,
hide herself from the gaze OF the Suuthrrr
'ch'vsiry, who respect neither age, sex, no
condiuon.- New York Herald.
The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1861-10-04

IN" bread could be baked. Thus for
three days and nights did the brave
men epdnrc the tortnres OF continual
watching OF hanger and thirst, till in
many instances they actually tainted
in the trenches. Add TO all this,
tie fact that there we're near Q 00C
horses inside the foriifcations, many
hundreds Of which had been shot 10
the early part Of the fight, hn coull
no, be- removed, and were purifying
in the sun, till the stencil became
insupportable, and you eau ioru
Aome idea oi the horrors with which,
We were surrounded, to say nothing
oi the dangers to which we were
continually subjected by firing OF
volleys OF srtllrry and musketiy
from loo concealed behind houses.
banks and trees.
Late on Friday evening the fina'
charge WAS made from behind henri
bales, which had been rolled up for
hre astworks, and the fire was 80
heavy as to force a part Of Colonel
Marshall's command-two compa
nies Of home guards and company
Of the lrieh brigade-to retreat in
eide OF the second breastworks. In
This charge one Of the cannons o.
the home guards and u brass piece
belonging TO the lrish briga e. wer,
captured by Harris command. A,
this critical junctnre a detachment
was sent bv Col Mulligan TO eus
tain the rctreating iorcrs, who re-.
turned to the charge, sailed outside
Tho breastwOrks, drove the enemy
before them, and captured both
pieces Of artillery! Immediately af-
ter this charge u white flag was sent
in 10y Gen. Price, and Col. Mulligan,
in view Of the condition OF bis men :,
surrendered the post.
A more gallant defense is rot on
record, and although suffering tn
extreme Of hunger and thirst, tn =
brave officers and Soldiers shed bit
ter tears at the stern necessity which
forced them to strike their flag.
The thought that their government
had neglected them in their need
and had turned a deaf car to all
their supplications Tor assistance,
was even mole painful than the
phyeicial torments they endured.
Of the killed and wounded | can
scarcely venture an estimate. Those
who profess to DO informed tell me
thatthc, ntire federal loes docs not,x
coed one hundred and fifty in killed
aLdwounded, OF which only forty two
are yet dead, while the loss Of the
state forces is certainly not less than
twelve hundred, of which at least
five hundred were killed.
Nearly every house in town is
hospital. The saddest want prevails
everywhere throughout the country:
Starvation is staring us in the lace.
and men who six months ago were re.
ported wealthy, have not the means
Df providing Tor their tumiiee u sin.
gle day. 50. Louis Democrat.