Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-07-27
$3.50 A YEAR.
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

w hen avarice rules, humanity is
generally absent.
" anted.-A pair of scissors to
"sheer 3a01eseaese.
W Who is the first woman mentioned
III the Bible? Jenny Sis.
New Definition-Associated Press
"A newly married couple.
ALL that some young women need
to lnhame their hearts is a spark.
"A man lii earnest finds means. or
II he cannot find them, creates them.
What head is never pray. but
sometimes bad? The fountain head.
When is q sick man a contrad;c.
ton? When he is an impatient pa,
tient.
Wy hat indicates house of mourn.
ing? A chimney's weep CHIMNEY.
sweep.)
10 whom is the hater of his spe.
cies invariably welded? To Miss An
Thropy.
The ladies have adopted q red.
white and blue hoop. 1t is called the
war-aohoop.
Nature has granted to all to be
happy, if we did but know how to use
her benefits.
What letter would make all flow.
crs alike? w would make all fowors
Wall-howers. -, -
At what point do armies generally
enter hostile cities? At the point Of
the bayonet.
People seldom improve when they
have no better model than themselves
to copy after.
-Rebels VS.. patriots. The first
come under our Ban; the second, un-
der our Banner.
"A man never has the least Difficult.
ty IN finding a devoted friend, except
when he needs one.
DO good to your friend that he
may be wholly yours; to your enemy,
that he may become your friend.
dictionaries are like watches, tho
worst Is better than none, and the best
cannot be expected to go quite true.
speaking of apples, it is rather re-
markable that the first apple in Para
disc should have turned out the first
pair.
Why does coal bag weigh les.
than an empty sack? Because, if the
one is light weight, the other is a
lighter.
Perhaps tailors are not braver than
other people, but any one Of them can
face dozen regimental coats without
ever finching.
DIR. Holmes tells Of men SO utterly
mean ''that if the archangel should Of
fer to save their souls for sixpence,
they would give sixpence with a.hole
in it !'
The red, white and blue--the red
cheeks, the white teeth, and blue eyes
of lovely girl, are as good flag as
young soldier in the battle of life need
tight tor.
We should enjoy our fortunes as
we do our health, enjoy it when good,
be patient when it is bad, and never
apply violent remedies except in an
extreme necessity.
If we had not within ourselves the
principle Of bliss, we could not become
blessed. The germ of heaven lies in
the breast, as the germ of the blossom
lies in the shut seed.
"A bad wife is shackle On her hus-
bands feet, a burden on his shoulder,
a palsy to his bands, smoke to his eyes,
vinegar to his teeth, thorn to his side
and dagger to his heart.
When we asked a man, a few days
since, what induced him to make a law
student of his son, he replied "Oh, he
always was lying little cuss, and I
thought I'd humor his leading propen-
sity."
Never look at the girls Oh! no
they ca.'t bear to be looked at they
regard it as an Insult. They wear
their feathers, fnrbelows and frllls.
merely TO please their mammas-tbsts
all. -r
Glass IN geography,-What is the
lowest ridge in Kentucky!
Small Boy--Breckin ridge.
What is the crookedest, neauest
lane in America? g.
Small Boy--Joe Lane. Please msy
! go out now?
Eyes, my little Gazclle."