East Saginaw courier. (East Saginaw, Mich.) 1859-18??, 1861-07-11

ARTEMUS WARD OUFDONE.
Jonathan @. SmatHs Lnterpis,o wieA Gov
Dennison.


to call on the Governor, for the purpos,
of securing them better treatment thar
they have heretofore been receiving =
Mr.. Smith walked into the Governor
room and addressed him as follows:
"Bll Dennissn, l am Jonathan Q
Smith, and the solgers sent me in her,
to give you a tocken to. The fact is
the boys have bin used nifty mean
Their clothes is no CRATE shakes; the,
are bated on bad grub, and they are pu
to bed like pack of hogs"
Dennison-"We can attend to tha
matter, Mr.. Smith, without you giving
yourself any concern"
Smith-"Now, Bill, it is my business
I've cum for to see 'em thro', and I'm
going to do it. 1t is sed over tho coun
try that you and the rest of the Repub
lican State officers is a pack of cold-blud
ded, selfish extravigent hellions, what
don't Lesr darn for nobody nor nothing
except yourselves; that you've been get
tin drunk on the pepie'S munny, anu ra; ;.;s;: !:
the taxes and behavin very unpurty in a
CRATE menny other things, and if you
don't do the nice thing I'll sift these
things, and then the thunders of my elo.
quence will proclaim it thru the land"
Dennison-''Mr. Smith, this insulting
language must be stopped, sir, or l will
have you taken from the ROOM"
Smith-"Begin to feel your oats, /
reckon-think you are a mighty CRATE
man-ware store clothes, see - spose
you chaw botten tobacker-you consider
yourself 'saceedaneum' do you? 'spose
you had better go slow-I don't skeer
worth continental mill dam-just try
putten me out, and I'll make you dance a
hornpipe on the low of my butte. Now,
Bill, I've come here to give you tocken
tn, and the more you close your mouth
and open your ears the sooner I'll get
dun"
Dennison-"Proceed, Mr. Smith"
Smith-"Well, Bill, l want you to set
about the work ofreformashun. The kali
kerlation over the country is that almity
mean men get Office in Columbus and /
guess it's trna IN a alarmin extent There
is lot of the most jorfired ornary cusses
in the country come down on this deer,
distracted city, like buzzards come down
on a carcas, to accumulate vast amount
of fat without emmy regard to where the
nutrishus aliment Gums from; and you
have appinted 'em to feed on the treasury
at the expense of the solgers and the tax
payers. This has excited the peple agin
you till they sware like Bob Jenkins when
he finds his whiskey watered. You've
been overbaren to the solgers yourself.
and you've appointed set of heartless
cusses to offies, and the whole gang Of
you treat the solgers worse nor stiler
would treat his hogs. Besides, the farm
ers will soon have to sell ont their farms
to pay the taxes. Bill, you are the first
succedaneam' Governor the State of Ohio
ever had, and you've sucked the people so
Internally that you arc likely to be the
last"
"Smith, you are fool" said Denni.
son.
"Keep your shirt on" sed Smith.
"Dry up" sed Dennison.
"Go to the devil, and tell him / sent
him worthy companion" sed Smith.
"Youre a liar" sed Dennison.
"You're darnd suck egg," sed Smith.
81 never sucked an egg in my life," sed
Dennison.
"If you would pick the hens the way
you have been picken the people, there
wood'nt be meny eggs to suck in future"
sed Smith.
"You'd better go to Yaller Crick and
dig for ground squirrels" sed Dennison.
"Youd better have mole borde in the
top of your he'd and baloney sassig
stuck in, that you may have sum branes,"
sed Smith.
an call regiment Of Home Guards"
sed Dennison.
"I'll call the fool.kiler," sed Smith.
"Get out of my house," sed Dennison.
"I've an interest in this ore house."
sed Smith, "and I've cum here to took
and I'm goin to du it. want you to
quit your darned raskslity, and appinting
perlitikal favortes to offes what thay
don't know how to fill. want you to
order no more solgers out of camp with
out thare pay, and almost without close.
want you to konduct the affairs Of the
State so as to leav the people few shil
lens after thare taxes are paid aud, in
conclusion, / want yeu to treat the sol
gers in camp as gentlemen and patriots
should be treated"
Dennison, at this stage Of tho proceed
ngs, tackled about and invited Smith to
take "nip," whereupon they started for
grocery. The last our reporter saw OF
them they were playing game of cold
sledge." They stood six aud six and
Smith had the beg L IS isscssiaajff.n.hy1ora,e. ssajff III
sgsSldiS8y'f sgsS., D. Farmer. ar
ExpLoDIxG A CRocoDILE.-A portion oi
the River Indus was infested by a large
old crocodile which had carried of two ol
three natives. His skin was so thick thai
no balls would penetrate it; some young
artillery officers engineered his destruc
ton in tho following way: They killed I
sheep, and in its body placed bag fille'
with powder and other combustible mat
ter, to which long wire attached, wit
detonating powder at the end. The Gro
codilc seized the prey, and carried it I
his hole. Time was allowed him to swa'
low the sheep; the wire was pulled ther
was great explosion, and up came th
crocodile with his stomach blown open.