Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1861-06-15
WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HOUSE.

Arter we was married, we'll say about q
year, wun mornin' thar was a terrible oommo-
shun in our house-old wimmen a runnin in
an out, and finally the doctor cum. was in
great hurry myself, wanting to heer, hardly
noed what, but arter a while an old granny OF
a woman, as had been very busy about thar,
poked her head into the room whar I was a
walkin' about, and seq:
Sec she, Mr. Sporum, hits galw
WHAT see l.
"A gal, y" sez she, an with that she pops he,
head back sgain.
Well, thinks 1, I'm the daddy NV gal, an
begin to feel my keepin' niteIy-Id rather il
was boy, tho, thinks l. for then he'd feel
neerur to me, as how he'd bare my name and
there'd be less chance fer the Sporums to run
out, but considerin' everything a gal will dc
nifty we'll. Jist then the old nuss pokes her
head out again and sey:
Sec she, Another wun, Mr.. Sporum; fine
boy"
"Anuther :" sez I, that's rather crowdin
things on a feller''
She LATED and poked her head back. Well,
thinks L, this is no joke, sure at this lick I'll
have family enuG to do me in a few years.
Jist then the ole she devil always shall
hate herr pokes her he'd in, and siz:
Sez she, "AEuther gal, Mr.. Sporum"
"Anuther what?" Sez l.
"Anuther gal :" seq she.
"Well," sez |, "gO rite strate and tell Sal I
won't stand it. / don't want 'em, and amt
goin, to have EN-; dus she think I'm Turk
or Mormon, or Brigham Young, that she 90
fur to hev tytbbLcS-three at a pop? Dus she
think that am wurth a hundred thousand
dollars? that I'm John Jacub Astur. or Mr..
ROschile? that l kin afford tribbles, an
clothe an feed an skool three children at a
time? l amt goin' to stand it, no how, |
didn't want 'em; don't want 'em, and ain't
al nth
HaInt bin good and dOotiful husband to
Sal! Hahn / KEEP in deres Nv a mite, an quit
chawin' terbacker and smokin segars Jest to
please her! Hain't tended deyfne worship
regiar Hsin't L bought her all the bonnets
an frocks she wanted an then for her to 90
and have thribbs She n0ed better, and hadn t
ortur dun it, L didn't think Sal wud serve me
such trick now. Have ever stole hoss ?
Have L ever dan a mean trick, that she shood
serve me in this wsy? An with that laid
down on the settee an felt orful bad and the
more L thought about it the wus felt
Presently Sails nanny, ole Miss Jones, cum
in and SEE:
SEE she: Peter, cum in an see what purity
chillun you've got''
"Chillun ~ ser /, you'd better say boIe
litter. Now, Miss Jones' I luv Sal, you no, an
have tried to make good husband, but ca II
this scaly trick, and eff there's any law in
this country, / m gOin to see eff a woman ken
nave tnrlDes, and make man take keer NV
EN-: amt going to begin to do it," sez l.
With that she laffed fit 10 kill herself, an
made all sorts Nv fun Nv me, an sed emmy ather
man would be proud to be ia my stoos told
her d sell out mitey cheap eff emmy body want
ed to take my place. Well, the upshot nv j.
was that she persuaded me that was rong, an
got me to go int the room where they all wus
When got in Sal looked 50 luyen at me, and
reached out her little hands 50 much like a
poor der little child, that [ forgot everything
but my luv for her, and folded her up gently
to my hart like preshus treasure, an felt like
l didn't keer eff she had two and forty Nv 'em
jist then number wun set up a whine like a
young pup, an all the ballense follered Them
trIbbLsS nOsd their daddy. ...-
Well, everything wus made up, an Sal pro-
missed she wud never do it again; and sense
then hey bin at work sertin, workin' ell day
TO make bred for them thribbs an bizzy nus
sin nv 'en at mite. The fact is, ef didn' t
have a mitey good oonstitushun, I'd had to
give in long ago. Number wun has the collick
an wakes up number too, an he wakes up
number three, and 50 it goes, an keeps me 8
fyin about all the time, tryin to Keep 'em
quiet.