Pomeroy weekly telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy, Meigs County, Ohio) 1860-1866, 1861-05-17
DOEsTICKS HEARS FROM DAM



For the glorious Union.
DOEsTIcKs HEARS FROM DAM
PHO0L.
My mind is much relieved. I have
heard frem Damphool-the original
Damphool, of whom l have for some
time lost track I have had fears that
he had been elected President, and was
the individual who has been boss of the
country at Washington under the name
of james Buchanan. James has done
SO many things to warrant the belief
that he is my old friend under feigned
name, that have often trembled in my
editorial boots at the thought that |
had been instrumental in bringing him
before the people. l cannot say that
James himself has done anything to re-
lievc himself from supicion; but 1 have
had heavy load taken from my mind
by the receipt of document which sets
the whole matter at rest. James Bu-
chanan is not Damphool, that is, not
the Damphool; he is, / have no doubt,
very nearly related to the family, and
doubtless could "read his title clear"
back to the great progenitor, of all
Damphools. gentleman of the name, I
think, of Adam, who lived in the town
of Paradise, county and State to the de-
ponent uDknoWn.
But the great Damphool is in Charles
ton, South Carolina. He is soldier
there; he is serving in the trenches, or
the batteries, or in whatever other place
South Carolina puts her chosen sons
lie has many relatives therein fact, l
believe every man in South Carolina is
connected with the Damphool family by
blood or marriage However, will let
the letter of my friend tell his story.
CHARLESTON, Jan. 20, 1861.
My DEAR OLD DoEsTIcKs: Did you
think I was lost? Did you think l was
played out? Had you any wild idea
that l was gone where glory awaits me?
I don t suppose you would have fretted
much about it, for there are plenty of
lssleft. The Damphools are well rep
resented in the country; no danger that
the race will speedily become extinct
But here I am serving South Carolina,
and getting ready to fight Uncle Samuel,
or any other man. South Carolina is
all right; South Carolina can whip Un-
Gle Sam; she isn't afraid to try England
single handed; in fact there is no doubt
that if she thought proper, she could
manage Russia with her artillery, and
fax Austria with her dragons, at the
same time that her infantry were en-
gagged in giving England and France a
co-partnership drubbing.
AS for you Northerners, why, you
don't know what we intend to do; but
I've no objection to telling you SO much
of our plans as will give you a slight
insight into our intentions. After We
have buried the hatch of Wide -Awakes
we shall have to slaughter there, then
We shall step along to Baltimore and
Philadelphia and take those little places.
When we have burned the pile of Wide
Awakes and Republicans that we shall
kill there, we shall run to New York
and help ourselves to sweatmeats. We
shall burn much Of the town, as a good
many of US think of remaining there
and making it our residence during the
yellow fever season at the South. tz
Pickens has promised me my choice
of mansions in Fifth avenue, in consid-
Grafton of certain services have rem
dered. Pickens asked my advice about
how to dispose Of the Wide Awakes we
shall have to put to sleep and the Re-
publicans we shall kill. Pickens has
resolved to make pretty clean work of
all you Northerners. We shall kill 3d.
600 men the first day; and as our men
will most; likely be tired out with their
days business, they won't want to go
to work to bury you all, and I'm afraid
to burn such large pile Of you, as it
might make the air unpleasant for the
ladies.
So l proposed to Pickens to have a
lot Of ships ready, pile our dead enc
mics aboard, take them out about
twenty five miles to sea, and sink them.
Pickens liked the notion; and in return
for my ingenious proposal, he has prom
ised me the choice Of houses in the city.
I haven't exactly decided about it yet,
but shall do so to night Most of our
other fellows have already selected their
houses, and Pickens' private secretaries
are making out the deeds.
There is q good deal of gambling
done among the chaps for these fine
pieces of eligible property. know one
fellow, Baplin by name, who had a
decd of the house built by Sarsaparilla
Townsend, on the Fifth avenue; he was
playing poker last night; it was big
game; all the fellows rich, and things
were livery. The game got exciting.
BapliR had three kings and pair of
aces; he got wild and offered to bet any
thing; one of the tables, to whom Pick
ems had apportioned the Penniman
property on Madison square, put that
property up; Squiggs bet Tiffany's es-
tablishment; Jenker antied the Astor
house. This was just what Baplin
wanted he had been lucky the day be-
fore, and had a pocketful of New York
deeds, SO be went it strong; he bet the
custom house and eight fine residences
in West Fourteenth street better; Jen-
ker came to time, and put up Ball &
Blacks Jewelry concern, and three
wholesale dry goods houses in Warren
street; Squiggs matched it with Sruart's
steam candy establishment, the Herald
Office, and couple of schooners; then
he went the St. Nicholas hotel better.
Baplin up with Guthrie's great fur
house and four large jewelry stores in
Maiden Lane. 'Jenker replied with the