Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-03-30

pretentions, and would be but to happy
to release her from any promises she
might have made. He, at the same
| time, was expecting to see some young
witch Of thing, who would be terribly
shocked at his appearance, and whose
only anxiety would be to get him safe
ly out of the house. Imagine then, O
loving reader! how two pair of eyes
protruded as Miss 8ladge Arnold walk
ed forward into the room to greet Mr.
Tom Loyeland.
"Glorious heaven !" thought Madge,
that stuffed skin of hippOtamns,
Tom Loveland. My plans, then, are
! useless; for that specimen would sing
hallelujah TO such a Madge Arnold as
| look at this moment. [ shall never
be able to get rid Of him without the
assistance Of papa's boots. And, if
worse comes TO worse, I'll call chem
into requisition, and swear by all the
cats in Christendom that never heard
of the monster in my life -
"Souls Of the great departed mar
tyrs and prophets !" thought Tom at
TIE same instsnt, ''into what have
fallen? Is that the animal I've been
making love to? wish [ was in the
den of lions with Jonah, or in the
whales belly with Noah, or in burn
ing hay stack with Job--anything rath-
er than to face this she-dragon. She'll
never release me from my engage
ment she'll probably sue me for breach
Of promise, and [ shall be hung be-
tween six thieves as a warning. Ugh!
see the red haired yirago!''
They were meantime advancing to-
ward each other; and now Miss Arnold
held out her hand, which he touched
about as he would speckled toad, and
told him she was "dreadful glad to
see him, and asked him if he was we'll
''Tolerable well, thank you Miss, ex-
ceptlDg my cough, which I fear will
soon carry me to my grave"
ooh, how shocking. Did you ever
take any Of spalding's cephallc glue ?
There's nothing like it for coughs.''
'FCan't say that ever did, Miss, and
rather think it's too late for any earth
ly help. And seeing that feel so near
my end, I thought perhaps it would
be better to give up marrying and set
my mind to work for my soul %
Madge began to see fun in it, now
that he wanted to get out Of it; so she
answered:
so Mr.. Loyeland; you wouldn't be
so cruel. would you, to torsake q poor
girl at this moment? ? Why, nearly half
Of my things are made, and every
body knows I am going TO be mar
ried?"
"But you see, Miss, my health won't
admit of it; really, | don't believe I
should survive marrying you a week;
think how dreadful it would be to be
q widow!''
ooh, [ should not mind that at all.
lou know if you could only live till
after the ceremony is over, | shouldn't
mind it so much bat to think of giving
it up now, and the things almost
ready! Besides, if we are not married,
people will think strange if I wear
mourning and then, if there is any
little property. Indeed, you must see
the propriety Of being married, and
that at once, for you may die at any
minute"
Alr. Tom felt as though be should.
but he continued TO bring objections
against marrying, until Miss Arnold
called him heartless wretch, and
threatened to sue him in the courts for
satisfaction, and fairly boohoo'd till
the tears ran down on the paint, add
ing very material. y to her good looks,
and to TOMS disgust, till he ended by
getting into a rage, and almost cough
ed himself to death, and then telling
her that he would not be dragged into
getting married just as he was at
deaths door by any confounded hussv.
Upon which Miss Arnold lamented her
fate In having to live through all eter-
| nifty in a state of maidenhood for, said
she, if they didn't marry now, they
never could, for in the other world
there was no marrying or giving in
marriage, and she was sure that in
that world she should never have the
courage to get ready again, when
men were SO deceitful.
It ended in Toms leaving, in spite
Of Miss Arnold's tears, declaring that
he wouldn't be married, and in Miss
Arnold's telling him to keep a sharp
lookout for the justice Of the peace, as
he would instantly be sued for a breach
Of promise.
Tom walked of, entirely forgetting
to stoop, such was his rage, and Madge
flew up stairs and convulsed herself and
Lell for the next three hours with de-
scriptions of the interview.
A fashionable party was given in
the neighborhood that evening, and
Madge was among the latest guests