The Shreveport weekly news., 1861-08-12
Slightly 9eaf.

am one Of those awkward persons
that will sometimes occur, like acci
dents, even in the best regulated fam
lilies, who are eternally," (as m,
wife has it) wanting to know wha
people said. Not that / am inquisi
tive beyond the common order o
things; but it is my misfortune to b.
slightly deaf. ltis excessively pain
ful to a man Of my years and family
to know to what an extent the opin
ion is, current among my friends tha
l could hear as well as any body if
pleased. Only yesterday, as Bugs
was walking past my house, he over
heard me reproving my son Charles
for elevating his voice to murder.
fire-and-thieves pitch in addressing
me; though, being but lad Of fou,
years or less. he can't be expected to
know any better; which apologycan
hardly be adopted by certain very
offensive older heads I could mention
Buggs, I say, hearing this, becomes
incredulous forthwith (for the tiftieth
time during our six months acquain-
tance,) and declares emphatically'
that it is an utter impossibility for
any person to pull wool over his OPP
tics to that extent that he can be made
to believe Bykes is deaf.
Nonsense!" says Buggs, gestic-
ulating impatiently with his left hand;
g" no more hard Of hearing than that
stick, Sir-not Bit
(Allusion is here made to Mr..
Buggs's walking stick, supposed to
be an uncommonly sharp stick {no
eff . pun, only suspicious
Of a sword-cane,) and consequently
of extraordinary acoustic
feats.)
If there is anything in human ma
tare that 1 especially detest, it is hyp-
ocrisy. 1 would rather have a man
spit in my face than call me a hypo-
critic. don't care what gentle euph-
emism he employs; asafetida by
any other name would smell as aw-
full. A hypocrite is hypocrite,
whether you told him of it by say
ing that he pretended to be deafer
than he is, or by calling him outright
a wolf in sleeps clothing. Perhaps
I am too sensitive in this particular;
l can't help it if 1 am. I have learn
ed to s....h!caaa:s and control my pas
sions, but I can't get over this sensi
tiveness. I can refrain from knock
ing my friend down when he says,
50 Pshaw! Bykes, you're not so deaf
as YOU seem!" but / can't refrain
from wincing.
l have made a careful calculation,
aud l have concluded that l probably
do not represent less than seven thou
sand of my fellow-countrymen, land
women-bless them y in my position,
here in this publication, as a misun-
derstood and ill-treatsd slightly deaf
person. On behalf, therefore, Of this
large body of people, by me repre-
propose to show that in my
(our) case the deace-and-all is not SO
black as he is painted.
/ took dinner with nay friend Sac
1ues, one day last summer, a: his tru-
ly boarding-plac III the country.
Sacques is well-meaning fellow, and
has talent in the poetical way; but
he is very much retired i'll his man
ners, personally, Fond of society,
possessing an appreciative sense of
feminine aesthetics, not aware that he
is himself bad to look at, but at the
same time with a strong antipashy to
the attraction Of any undae attention
toward his end of the table. 1 dis
covered this latterfact by the bushes
that suffused his pleasant counter
ance when he introduced me to
chair at the dining-table-taking spe-
cial care to introduce me to nobody
else-and by the anxious side-long
glances he gave ME during the early
part of the repast. Sacques was one
Of those who fully believed in the
of my auricular defect;
and Sacques was on the lookout for
4 blunder. l was amused at the ex-
preston of amazement that gradual
" spread itself over his face; but I
was sorry he seemed to have no ap-
petite, for the dinner was excellent.
As we left the dining-room Sacques
took me by the arm and led me upon
the piazza, taking seat at the re-
mote end thereof, overlooking the
Iaypaan Zee. He said:
"Bykes, how's this? l thought
you were hard of hearing?"
Every true, my dear fellow. What
about it?"
"Why, see here! Didn't 1 see
you go through four courses at our
quiet fable, where no one speaks above
their bre-sl, where there is no bill of
fare, ara where the servants are so
soft spoken that half the time l can't
hear them myself? l want to know
how you heard so easily, when you
are slightly deaf p
My dear boy, I haven't heard a
syllable since we er.er-d the dining
room till Won spoke to me lust now"