Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1861-06-07
ARrEMus WARD IN THE SOUTH.


The swings and arrers Of outraius foriin,
alluded to by llamlck, warn't nothin in com
parison to my troubles. ! came peske near
swearing sum profane oaths more'n onct but
] hope | didn't do It for I've promist she
whose name shall be nameless except that
her name is Bctsey j. ) that III ine the Meet
ing House at Baldjnsville. Jest as soon as
can scrape money enuf together so that | can
ford to be piuss in good stie like my well
thy Majors Buff ] m confstcated agin I'm
fraid shall continnor on in my present bcni-
ted state for sum time.
fggcrod conspicyusly in many thrilln
scenes 10 my tower from Monigomry to my
humsted, and on sovril occashuns ] thot the
CRATE comic paper wouldn't never be en-
rched no more with my lubricatons. After
blddin adoo to Jefferson d. / started for the
depot ! saw a niger sittin on a fence a.
playin on banjo NV Airikin Brother
said |, cotin from Track | onct red, 'you
belong to a very interestn race. Your mas
tiers is going 70 war exclusively on your ac-
count
Yes. boss, he replied. an l wish ON
honorable graves and he went on playin'
the banjo, larf'n all over and openin his
mouth wide enuff to drive in an old-lashion-
ed wheeled chaise.
The train Of cars in which | was to trust
my wallerable life was the scahest rickytist
lookin lot Of oonsarns that | ever saw on
wheels afore. What time does this string
Of second hand collins leavei ! inquired Of
the depot master. lie said directly, and
went in q sot down. ] hadn't more fairly
sqatted aiore dark lokin man with a swim
ster expression onto his countenanoe entered
the cars, lookn very sharp at me. he axed
what was my principles
Sccech ] answered. am a Dissolutcr.
I'm in favor Of jeff Davis, Beauregard. Pick
ems, Captain Kidd. Bloobcard, Munro Edards.
the devil, Mrs. Cunningham and the rest Of
en-
You're in favor Of the war
Certainly. by all means I'm in favor
Of this war and all OF the next war. I've
been in favor Of the next war for over sixteen
years
War to the knife |! sed the man.
Blud. Fargo, blud = said tho them
words isn't origgernal with me. Them words
was rit by Shakespeare, who is ded His man
tie fell onto the author of The Seven Sis
tiers, who's goin to hay a Spring oyercoat
made out Of il.
We got urder way at larst, an proceeded
on our jerney at about the rate of speed
which is ginrally obsarved by proply conduct
ed funeral professions. A hausum yung gal,
with red musketer bar on the back of her
he'd and a sassy little black hat that tpt over
the iorred sot in the seat with me. She wore
littlc sescsh flag pin'd into heI hat, and she
was goin for to see her troo love. who had
joined the southern army, all so bold and
gay. So She told me. She was chilly and
offered her my blanket
Father Twin: axed.
Yes sir
Got any uncles =
A heap Uncle Thomas is ded. tho
Peace to Uncle Thomas's ashes and sue
cess to him. l will be your Uncle Thomas
Lean On me- my pretty sec shor, and linger in
blisstul repose, She slept as secoorly as in
her own houscn, and didn't disturb the sollum
stiffness of the night with 'airly snore.
a the first station troop OF soiers enter
ed the cars and inquired if Old Wax Works
was on bored. That was the disrespective
style in which they referred to me. Becawz
II old Wax Works is on bored scz a man
with face like double brested lobster,
we're going to hang old Wax Works
My illustrious and patriotic bummers
sen !, gittin up and takin OFF my Shappo,
if you allude to A. Ward, it's my pleasin
dooty to inform you he's ded. He saw the
errer OFF his ways at 10 minits parst yester-
day, and stabbed himself with stuffed sled
stake. dyn in five beautiful tabloos to slow
moosic lie last words was: My pcrfesh-
era carere is over jerk no more -
And who be you y
am stoodent in Scnitor Benjamin's law
orfss. I'm goin up North to stelo some
spoons and things for the Suthern Army.
EaIhs was satisfactory, and the intoxicated
troopers went OFF At the next stashun the
pretty lttle Secesher awoke and sed she must
git out there. bid her kind adoo, ant
give her some peryisens. Accept my blessir
and this hunk Of gingerbread | sed. Sh,
thankt me machly and tript galy away
There's considerable human natur in man
and I'm afraid | shall alters give aid and com
fort to the enemy if he comes to me in tn
shape Of nice young gal.
AT the next stashun | didn't get OFF s.
easy.
! was dragged out of the cars and role,
in the mud for several minits for the purpos
of takin the conseet out of me, as a Secesh
er kindly stated.
| was let up finally, when powerful larg
Secesher come up and embraced me, and, t
show that he had no hard feeln aginst m,
put his nose into my mouth. returned tn
compliment by placing my stummlck sudden
ly aginst bis right foot, when he kindly mad
aspi;toUn Of his able-boded face. Actooate
by desire to see whether the SecesheI hs
been vaxinated, | then fastened my teeth ont
his left coat-sleeye, and tore it to the should
er. We then vilently hunted our beds tc
gether for few minits, danced around it'll,
and sot down in mud puddle We riz (
cur feet agn, q by sudden q adroit move
ment place my left eye agin the Secesher
fist. We then rushed into each others arm
aud fell nnder a two horse wagon. wa
very much exhausted, and didn't care abot
gettin up agn, but the man sed ne reokone
Id better, and ! concooded | would. II
pulled me up, but | hadn't bin on my fec
more'n two seconds afore the ground flu u
and hit me in the he'd. The crowd sed it wa
high old sport but / couldn't zalSly see wher
the laiture come in / riz and we embrace
agin. We careered madly to a steep banl
when got the upper hands Of my antagge
mist and threw him into the rayeen lie ie
about forty feet, striking grindstone prett
hard ] understood he was injured. | haven
heard from the gtindstone.
A man in a oockt hat cum up and sed i
felt as to apology was doc me- There WI
mistake. The crowd had taken me for al