Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1861-06-12
Artesnus Ward i'm the South.
HIS TRIALS AND ADVENTURES.

Dau UarreT Scapc lTOOiD tue Soiiilv
South. "The swings and arrers of out
rajust fortin," alluded to by Hamlick,
warn't nothing in comparison to my trou-
bles. cum pesky near swearin sum
profane oaths more'n onct, but hope |
didn't do it, for " promised she whose
name shall be nameless Except that her
initials is Betsey j. that I'll jne the
Mcetin House at Baldinssille, Jest as soon
as can scrape money enufi' together so
can ford to be piuss in good stile like
my welly nabers. But if I'm confisca-
ted agin I'm afraid | shall continner on
in my precent benited state for some
time.
l fggered conspicyusly in many hill
in scenes in my tower from Montgomery
to my humsted, and on seyril occasions |
thought the "grate komic paper" wudn't
never be inricbed no more with my IL
brications. After biddin adoo to Jeffer-
sen d. started for the depot. saw a
niger sittin on fence a-playin on a
banjo. My Afrikin Brother" sed /,
cotin from Track | wonct red, ''you
belong to a very interestn race. Your
masters is goin to war exclusively Oh
your account"
Eyes, boss" he replied, can | wish
'em honorable graves n' and he went on
playin the banjo, larfn all over and open
in his mouth wide enuff to drive in an
old-fashioned wheel shay
The train of cars in which | was to
trust my wallerable life was the scaIest,
ricky test lookn lot of consarns that l
ever saw on wheels afore. "What time
does this string Of secondhand collins
leave g. Inquired of the depo master.
He sed directly, and went in and sot
down. hadn't MORN fairly squatted
afore a dark lookin man with swinister
expression onto bis countenarce entered
the cars, and lookin very sharp at me, he
axed what was my principals
"Secesh :" answered. I'm Dis
soluter, I'm in favor of jeff Davis, Bou-
regard, Pickens, Capt Kid, 3Ioobeard.
Monroe Edwards, the devil, Mrs. Gun
ningham and all the rest of EN-
YOU'RE in favor of the war Z"
Certingly. BY all means. Tin in
favor of this war and also the next war
tor over sixteen yearst'
"War to the knife !" sed the man.
"BIud, Fargo, blud" sed l, tho them
words isn't original with me. Them
words was rit by Shakespeare, who is ded,
His mantle is onto the author of :. The
Seven Sisters" who's goin to have a
Spring overcoat made out of it. We got
under way at larst, an proceeded on our
journey at about the rate OF speed which
is gineralIy obsarved by properly conduc-
ted funeral percessuns. A hansum yung
gal, with red musketur bar on the back
side of her he'd, and sassy little black
hat tipt over her forred, sot in the seat
with me. She wore little Seccsh flag
pin'd onto her hat, and she was a gong
for to see her troo love, who had jined
the Southern army, all so bold and gay.
So she told me. She was chilly and
offered bel my blanket.
"Father Twin e. axed.
eyes, sir"
" Got any Unclos z"
{" A heep. Uncle Thomas is dead
tho
Peace to Uncle Thomas ashes. aud
success to him will be your Uncle
Thomas Lean on me, my pretty Sc
cesber, and linger a Blsful repose y
She slept as secoorly rs in hel own hous-
en-. and didn't disturb the sollum stiffness
of the night with AIRY enore.
At the first stashun n troop of Soiers
entered the cars and inquired if i" Old
Wax Works" was on bored. That was
the disrespective stile in which they re
ferred to me. Becawz if Old Wax
Works is on bored" SCI a man with a
face like double brested lobster, +" we're
going to hang Old Wax Works p
"My ilustrious and patriotic Bum
mers y SEE |, a gittin up and takin OFF
my shappoo, "if you allude to A. Ward,
it's my pleasin dooty to inform you that
he's led. He saw the error of his WAYS
at 8 ninits past 2 yesterday, and stabbed
hisse'f with stuffed sled-stake, dyin in
five beautiful t. bloos to slow moosic =
His larst words was : MY perfesher-
nal career is over jerk 10 moro ="
"And who be you g
"rm q stosdent in Senator Benja-
minis law offiss. I'm goin up North to
steal some spoo s and things fer the
Suthern Army"
This was satisfactory md the intossi
Gated Troopers went OFF. AT the next
station the pretty little Secesher awoke
and sed she must git out there. | bid
her kind adoo and Civ her sum provis-
ions. Accept my blessin and this
hunk Of .Gingerbred Y She thankt me
muchly and tript galy away. There's
considerable human mater in man, and
I'm fraid | shall alters Civ ade and cum
fert to the enemy if he Gums to me in
the shape of nice young gal.
At the next stashun didn't get orr so
easv. l was dragged out of the car and
rolled in the mud for several minits for
the purpuss of "takin the conseet out OF
me-" as Secesher kindly stated.
WAS let up finally, when powerful
large Secesher cum up and embraced me,
and to show that he had no hard feelins
agin me, put bis nose into my mouth
l returned the compliment by placing my
stummick suddenly agin his right foot
when he kindly made spittoon of hi'
,hfo L,5.oJ CO. ,,~.ntaJ r., = Iae..<