Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1861-08-27
Doesticks EfespectfuIly sInq uiresh,
what do the women want us to do
about she Wart 'FfiIlE'


what do the women want us 70 dc
about the War!
One reason why It is 90 difficult to please q
Woman is that she seldom knows herself whal
sne wants, 10 most cases It 10 as hard to satisfy
woman 20 1t would be to content captain
wouldn'ttelI you whether hc wanted 10 4 70 q
..ss.g Jersey Or Japan. They wouldn't be satisfied
Especially 10 the matter of war.
Particularly In the matter of the present war
Your vile, or mother, or sister, or whoever NAV
DC the woman that owns you, refuses to be con-
tent, no matter what you do. If you don't Join
Q military company, she sulks, insinuates that
you are coward, turns up her nose, and "vishes
she was man." If you do Join said company,
sne scolds about the expense, Rrumbles about
the loss Of time, and groWls whenever YOU 20 to
drill-though, In spite Of her growing, abe al.
ways saves the choicest part OF the dinner for
you when you do come. V =
Then she laughs at you, and calls. You q
"dressed up monkey" the first time she scee
you in uniform; and then, as soon as you are
gone out of the house, she rusbes ever 10 Mrs
Jones TO tell what "splendid officer her hus.
band is, and how magnificent he looks in biz
new military dress. -
Then, if your regiment is ordered away, and
you insinuate that ''business Affairs" will keet
you at home, all her FIRE is blazing In an IN
stant, and she upraids you for "backing out" ai
the critical moment. and insinuates that you
are 'play.boy soldier;" and then she wishes
that she were man-she'd show folks how to
night. Then, when you finally make up your
mind 70 60 TO the seat of war, she bursts into
wet tears (Which spot your new uniform and tar.
nish the gold lace on your sleeves), and thinks
you "ought to be ashamed to 20 of and leave
your family" She VOWS she "don't believe
you care o straw for your wife, or o cent for
your sweet children;" she .knovs you would
rather be anywhere than at home, !" and "wishes
she were man. she'd teach the President
better than to send men away from their fam
ilies.n
Then, when the day comes for you to start
she vows that she will "never speak to yot
again II you persist in going" Then, wher
you take paper out of your pocket and pre-
tend to read furlough from the commandant
e1cusing you, and giving you leave to stay a
nome, she throws her apron over her head, sits
down on the floor, and bowls aloud, "to thinl
that she should have coward for husband''-
THAT her husband should be afraid to 90 70 th'
wars" And then, when you tell her that IT.
all a mistake, and that you are going after all
che howls louder than ever. because sh
"knows that you will be killed." or she feels
In her bones that you'll come home with tw
wooden legs, and then how can you take he
to the Academy on opera nights2 Then sh
resorts In turn to every one Of the immense lis
Of female tactics to keep you at home-sh
weeps, she banters, she pokes fun at you-sh
wishes she was man-she gets mad--she sulk
--she threatens to 60 home to her mother--sh
coaxes--she "won't ever live with you anothe
day"--she scolds, she entreats, and as q last re
sort, she faints--in this case, she always fall
into your arms, If you make an offer to catcl
her; if you don't offer, and If Its early In th,
morning, and she hasn't made her bed yet
she'll fall on the bed; but II the bed is made NJ
nicely, she'll fall on the carpet, 90 as not h
muss the bed; II the fainting dodge don't work
and you still are resolved to 60, she vows sh'
"hates you and that she'll never speak to 20,
again." and then to prove the bitterness Of he
hate, she goes of and packs your haverssck full
of all the dainties and delicacies OF the season
then, alter all, at the very last moment, sh
comes and throws her arms around your neck
and whispers that she cloves you best of all II
the world" and that she'll "be such good gil
till you come back" and that she'll stake sue
good care of the children" and that "yo
mustn't fret about her." and tat she'll writ
every blessed day, and that you must write jus
as often as you can, and that she Gloves 70
best, best, best" and thousand little met
sages only for you, but all kind and loving, an
all told without tear, for she doesn't cry nov
until you are out Of the house; and when yo
are gone she weeps like shower bath for hal
an hour, then suddenly stops short, wipes be
eyes, and doesn't waste another tear till sh
sees you again.
That's the way they ell do; and, talk q
peacefully as you can, she is never satisfied IL
her heart till che sees you in uniform.