Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-02-09
$3.50 A YEAR.
Fact: Fancy and Fun;

Carolina.
You cannot make velvet out Of
sows' ears.
Beyond the science of the oceulist
a window blind.
The best man for taking "Trial
Balance"-Bloudin.
-Northerner's reply to the Disunion-
ists-1ou be hanged.
In wearing out this body in we'll
| doing we are earning 3 better one.
.. Why arc bachelors like criminals :
Because they hate to 60 into court
"A certain cure for the hsadache
the guillotine. Removes it At once.
None but q fool is always right
and his right is the most unreasonable
wrong.
-"Stirring times," as the Scotch
lass said when she was making por-
ridge.
The worst kind of Tax on mans
temper-Tacks left sticking up inside
his boots.
Why is the Well of Jacob like /
Dutchman's brewery? Because He
brews drink there.
When is a plant like = hog -
When it is roofing. When is it Ike d
soldier? When it is shooting.
If a flock Of geese sees one of their
number drink, they will drink too
Men often make geese of themselves.
When man wants money! or as-
sistance, the world, as rule, is very
obliging and indulgent, and-lets hiA
want it. e.a
1t is suggested that the most aB=
propriate name for the proposed SoAtAs
ern Confederacy, would be the Estate
of Staryation.' ..-r
A young lady who YVES ssperfectiy
thunderstruck" at hearing Of her friends
engagement, has since been provided
with lightning rod.
-sLa ma, what are you beating
John SO early for :"
"Cause I know he'll deserve ii to.
night, and I've got to attend meeting
them"
-"Ah, doctor, how is my wife, to.
day?'' The doctor shook his head
and said s'Yoa must prepare for the
worst" "Whats is she likely TO re-
oovef"' -
"A very pious old gentleman told
his Sons not to go, nnder any circan,.
stances, fishing on the Sabbath; but
If they did. by all means to bring home
the fish.
=. Anthony sought happiness in love,
Brutus in glory; Caesar In dominion.
The first found disgrace, the second
disgust, the last ingratitude, and each
destruction.
More Shades of Politics=-The
Charlestonians are fond Of color
Things look blue; they have got q
Pink knee, and if they amt careful
they will get black eye.
Old gentleman affectionately):
"My son why do you chew that filthy
tobacco 2"
Precocious youth (stiAiy): ITO get
the juice out of it, old codger."
The following bill rendered by q
carpenter to farmer for whom he had
worked, seems at least curious :-"To
hanging two barn doors and myself
seven hours, one dollar and half"
"A White Mountain stage driver,
driving along the road with New
Yorker sitting beside him, remarked
81 suppose if I went to New York I
should gawk around just as you folks
do mp here" r
Mr. A., I understand that you
said I sold you barrel of cider that
had water in it?''
"No, no." was the reply, II only
said you sold me barrel of water with
little cider in it.''
-:'Well, Jane, this is a queer
world" said Joe to his wife; "a new
sect Of women philosophers has just
sprung up" ---
sIndeed - said Jane; "and what do
they hold 2"
st1'he strangest thing in nature" said
he, sstheir tongues"
An enraged gentleman addressing,
from his chamber window, youth who
had been serenading his daughter half
an hour, said: 'EYou are great bore,
and [ think you mean to keep on bor-
ing until you find water, and here it Il, =
and he enptied a pitcher full upon tho
head of the serenader: