Polynesian. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu], Hawaii) 1844-1864, 1861-06-22
No. 8.

Harm is done by the kind of freedom allowed,
and encouraged too often, among US between youth
and maidens, from whom little if any positive
scandal is to be feared, by the obvious tendency
to quicken precocious sensibilities and to leave
the affections hackneyed and disspated just at the
time when they should have their best freshness
and bloom. 1t is well, indeed. for boys and girls
to associate together in a reasonable way, since
the boys learn genteness and the girls learn self
reliance by this sociality; but nothing is worse
than precocious passions, such as are developed
by the silly loye-making of school children and
the silly engagements that so often befool them,
at the very time when they should be minding
their books and their mammas. 1t is for the boys
good that he should be brought up in that sacred
reserve toward the other sex which enables him
to keep all the romance Of masculine sensibility
for her who in due time wins his affections and
although we may expect him to dream once IN
while of some pretty face of the schOoroom or the
parlor, we ought not to expect him to be the
privileged lover or attendant suitor until he has
years enough to know his own mind as well as
his idols character. Few causes tend more to
lower the views of our youth regarding women
than the free manners of girls toward them. They
put wrong construction upon the freedom, and
so form the false and degrading opinion that the
feminine pulse is quite like their own, and that
woman is like man in inclination, and only re-
strained by conventional prudence. We sincerely
believe that the majority of husbands hold very
reverential views of the purity of the feminine
character and its superiority to coarse passions
while they who Judge of it only from toying with
female folly and mistaking vanity or sentimental
ism for passion fall into the most degrading notions
of the feelings of the whole sex, and are spoiled
for marrige because hackneyed by hirts. For our
own part we think better of any youth for being
sensible of the charms of fair GIRL and pleased
to note all proper conversation and courtesy between
such young people; yet sacred reserve should watch
~, Al Sbo ,rfa nd fha
charm vanishes and evil threatens the very moment
the least liberty is taken that might pain mothers
or sisters eye. This may be somewhat old
fashioned talk and may yet be none the less true.
1t is one of the worst traits four social manners
that marriage, and whatever leads to it. are made
light Of and the wedding itself is too often more
shallow frolic than a solemn sacrament. The
good old custom of marriages in churches has
yielded to bridal balls. where the dancers almost
tread the heels of the minister, and the call Of
the quadrilles is more emphatic than the good
mans nuptial blessing. A better spirit, we are
| aware, is rising in high quarters, and among all
denominations of Christians there is growing
disposition, we believe, to restore the ceremony to
its hallowed place among church ordinances. Our
fair friends incline to the deyout view of the
subject and the woman who prefers to be made
over to her husband in gay frolic, or to be con-
signed to him by justice of peace, with formality
OF merely civic character, like the transfer OF q
bale of goods at the custom-house, is no true type
of her sex. Her sex, however, responsible for
much of the leyity connected with matrimonial
engagements, and the ease with which these are
made and unmade tends much to disqualify men to
be husbands by letting down the sacredness of the
whole relation. Marriage surely sinks in the
social scale the moment that the intimacy that
should precede it is made light of, and engagements
| of marriage made and unmade as readily as
promises to dance. The frequency of divorces may
be connected somewhat with this miserable view
of such engagements, since parties who begin to
look upon each other having only casual rela-
ton to each other may end by trsnslating their
caprces into action, and breaking Gods ordinance
as if it were mere whim. We go stouty for the
good old way of our fathers, and believe that our
whole civilization rests upon the inyiolableness
of the marriage cOyenant-giying ample time for
every man to make up his mind as to the union
before it takes place but after it takes place,
commencing him to the grace of patience and for
bearance under any trials that may arise instead
of breaking his promises, whether with or without
the aid of law, so long as his feelings are spared
that last outrage which Holy Writ itself names as
due cause of separation.