Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1861-09-23
Oar Fat Csatribs.er to the Guards.
From the Cleveland Plaindealer.

The moment the Gag Was threatened, large
bodies Of men were called upon to rally to its
defence. Being q large bodied man, rallied.
and enrolled myself with the Home Guards.
The drill Is very severe on me this hot weather,
although ] am constantly allowed an attend
ant with fan and pitcher Of ice water. I
am constantly reminded that one Of the first
requirements Of q soldier is to throw out his
chest and draw in his stomach. Having been
burnt sut several times while occupying rooms
In an attic, have had considerable practice
In thrsDtng cut my chest, but by what sys-
tenn Of practice could ever hope to draw in
my stomsehl I can't ''dress up''-it's no use
far in the rear, and If toe the mark fearful
bulge indicates my position. There is no room
for argument in regard to my sentiments-ev-
eryoody can see AZ a glance ass s~Ho-. Isss,.sl.
One evening We had a new drill sergeant
who was near-sighted. Running his eyes down
the line, he exclaimed sharply: What is that
man doing in the ranks with bass drum"
He pointed at me, but I hadn't any drum-it
was the surplus stomach that I couldn't draw
in.
1 am the butt of numberless Jokes, ~ you
may well suppose. They have got q story in
the Gusrds that when / first heard the COM
mand ''Order armsr' dropped my musket,
and taking out my note book began to draw an
order on the Governor for what arms wanted
They say ordered Winans steam gun, with
PAIR Of Dalhgreen guns for side arms. Base
fabricators. My ambition never extended be-
yend rlted cannon, and they knew it Al
though In respect to size I belonged to
the "heavies, my preference is for the light
infantry service. My knapsack is marked
llgnt infantry. One evening the spectators
seemed convulsed about something, and my
comrades Uttered by plstoons Whenever nv
pack was turned. II was all a mystery to me
until laid OF my knapsack. Some wretch had
erased the two hnal letters, and had been
parading all the evening labeled Z" Light In.
fant!' The above is one Of the thousand an.
noyances to which am subjected, and moth
ing put my consuming patriotism could ever
induce me to submit to 1t. rallied at the call
OF my country, and am not to be put out by
the rdiiytHg Of my comrades.
overheard spectator inquire of the drill
sergeant one day:
Do you drill the whole of him at once?"
mo" he replied in an awful whisper, 81
am hinl 6y sguddst"
L could have drilled him If had had nv
oayonet. Specifications have been published
In regard to my uniform, and contractors sd-
vernsed for. The making will be let out to
the lowest responsible bidder. In case the
duards are ordered to the field, a specisI com
missary will be detailed to supply nv rations.
mat reminds me Of narrowing incident.
on last drill night an old farmer, who dropped
wanted to sell me yoke Of powerful oxen.
: MY ancient sgriculturist," said I, smiling
IL MS simplicity, (" have no use for oxen"
Fernaps not at present, quoth he, "but IL
you 90 to war you will want them"
Tor WHAT" said I, considerably annoyed.
mW ant en- to dratc your rationsr"
Inc Guards paid me a delicate compliment
s az Toe last meeting. They elected me - Child
of the Regiment - with the rank of first cor.
PuIant. was about to return thanks In
neat ana appropriate speech, whcn a reporter
who was present assured me it was no use: he
had got the whole thing in type, speech and
1l' ana could read 1t in the evening paper.
ne SAID they kept neat and appropriate
speech" standing In type continually. i got
m DIS views, and held my peace. Yours for the
Union, including the Stars, also the Stripes.
Far Contribution.