Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-12-26
Humorous Letter from the Army.

l 1ne DOaCOn ross mas tue loIloWlng gOOu Da-
tured, Mark TapIy species of letters from one
of its correspondents
CAMP GUNPowDER, ARMY OF THE PoFo9AC,
| Nov. l86I.-Dear Messrs. Editors:-Biily
Briggs and still remain in the army. The
other morning l was standing by him in cur
tent Hand me them scabblrds, Jimmy said
he. Scabbards |" said /, looking round
Yes, boots, mean" Billy arranged himself
| in his scabbards, dilapidated pair of fashion
able boots, and stood up in very erect and
dignifed manner. Those boots of mine /
| don't think we're any relation to that beef we
had for dinner to-day Jimmy" said he /" No."
said /. If they wore only as tough as that
beef, and vice versa it would have been
| better"
al say, Cradle, be called out, "wAere are
you p Cradle was our contraband, genuine
darkey, with foot of extraordinary length
and extra heels to match, giving him queer
look about these extremiteS. " What dc you
call him Cradle for, Billy 2" said !; /" that's
queer name" what would you call him,
Jimmy if he amt cradle what is he put on
rockers for ?" Cradle appeared with a pair
of perforated stockings. -" It's NO use," said
| Billy, looking at them Them stockings
will do toGpuJ on q soar throat but they won't
do for feet. Its humiliating thing for man
like me to be without stockings /; man may
be bald-headed and it's genteel, bat to be bare
footed is rninaiion. The sleevs is good, too"
he added, thoughtfully, but the feet are
gone There is something about the heels Of
stocking and the elbows of stove pipes in this
world that is all wrong Jimmy"
A supply of stockings had come that day and
were just being given paR- of very large
ones fell to Billy's lot: Billy held them up
before him. Jimmy" said he, "tbose are
pretty bags to give little,fellow likem Them
| stockings was knit for the President or a young
gorilla, certain;" and he was about to bestow
them upon Cradle, when soldier in the op-
! posite predicament made an exchange Them
stockings made me think of the Louisiana vol
unteer scared SO the other day." said Billy.
How's that 2" laid l. " He was among our
prisoners and saw a big pair of red leggins
with feet, hanging up before tent. He never
said word till he saw the leggins, and then
he asked me what they were for" Them !"
said ], them is General Baukss stockings
He looked scared. He's big man is Gen.
Banks, said /, but then he ought to be, the
way he lives" How 7" said he. why
said l. his regular diet is bricks buttered
with mortar" The next day Billy got pre-
sent of pair of Stockings from lady nice
soft pair, with his initials in red silk upon them.
He was very happy. Jimmy" said he just
look at them" aud he smoothed them down
with his hand; marked with my initials, too,
'B for my Christian and W. for my heathen
name. How kind They came just 10 the right
time, too; I've got such a sore heel; for it's
fact, Jimmy, that if there is anything in life
worse than unrequited love, it's q sore heel"
Orders came to fall in." Billy was SO over
joyed with his new stockings, he didn't know
the line very well. STEADY, there !" growl-
ed the sergeant, keep your place and don't be
travelling around like Boston Post Office" y
We were soon put upon double-quick. After
few minutes, Billy gave a groan. "What
is it, Billey," said |. " It's all up with them,'
said he | didn't know what he meant, bus
his face showed something very bad had hap.
pened. When We broke ranks, Billy buried
to the tent, and when l got there, there be
he stood, the very picture of despair with his
shoes off, and his heels shining through his
stockings like two crockery door knobs
Them new stockings of yours is breech load
ing, amt they, Billy p said an unfeeling vslun-
teer. Better get your name on both end5,so
you can keep them together said another
SuOAAy obOIniuSSp DlOOno 11lOSS sol0 Cd
third. Billy was silent; saw his heart was
breaking, and | said nothing. We held
council on them, and Billy, not feeling hearted
enough for the task, gave them to Cradle, with
directions to sew up the small holes came
into the tent soon after, and he was drawing
a portrait with piece of charcoal, on board.
That's good portrait Of Fremont" said
I, he looks just like that; that's the way he
parts his hair, in the middle" That isn't
portrait of Fremont said Billy, it's map Of
the United States; that line in the middle you
thought was the part in his hair is the Missis'
sippi river.
"Oh J" said T. Saw him again before sup
per he came to me, looking worse than ever,
the stockings in his hand Jimmy" said he,
you know gave them to Cradle and told
him to SOW up the small holes, and what do you
think he's doie? He's gone and sewed up the
Asads." " It's hard case, Jimmy" said |,
" in such case tears are almost justifsble."