Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1861-11-07
Wit and Humor.


you kissing tho waiting maid. Sure thing. |,
Down East they put fellow jail for swim
ding. The audacious chap had dried snow
and sold it for salt.
Ifa man is dissipated, his fortune will
probably soon be so too.
Trust not to appearances; they are variest
asses that hide their ears most.
The captain of vessel is not governed by
his mate, but a married man generally is.
Those who are always peering into the
affairs of others constitute very mean sort
of peerage.
A chemist, however witess away from his
business is, when at it, never without re-
tort.
The only blusterer from whom brave man
will take blow is the wind. ...
Dimity is named from Damietta, town in
Egypt, celebrated for its manufactures
An excellant character was engraycn on
the tombstone of Il lady in these words: Il
"She was always busy and always quiet."
Rulers are generally too fond Of display.
They seem more anxious to nil the eyes than
the stomachs Of their people.
Model wives formerly took Stitch in
time" now, with the aid Observing machines,
they take one in no time.
81 say, Bod, you have been to Canton,
havn't your" "Yes." "Well can you
speak Gilman" "Yes, little--that is, |
81 eak broken China. "
If we lack The sagacity to discriminate
nicely between our acquaintances, misfortune
will readily do it for us.
| A wag being asked the name of the in
ventOr Of butter stamps, replied that 1t was
probably Cadmus, as he first brought letters
into Greece.
"Didn' You warrant that this horse would
not shy before the fire OF an enemyY No
more he won't. 'Tisn't till after the fire
that he SHES. " ....... ...
''Too late" and "no more are the mourn
full sisters, children of a sire whose age they
never consolc
Fun is worth more than physic, and who
ever invents or discovers new supply, de-
serves the name of a public benefactor.
1t is law amongst the japanese that he
who lends them cash j; quo wuriu, Will re-
I ceiye in the next world the capital and ten
per cent. NJ Sliiiplo ihtcieot'
The following bill was presented to far
mcr in Sussex: ITO hanging two barn-doors
and myself seven hours four shillnss and
sixpence.
"EIavc you dincd," said a louneer to his
friend. 81 have, upon my honor" replied
he. 'Then," rejoined the first 'it you
have dined upon you honor, l fear you have
made scanty meal. "
A good story is told of lady travelling on
n the cars, who got so absort ell in reading the
war news that she asked the conductor to
let her know when the train stopped at Ma
, nassas Junction.
SSir" said lady to would-be wag,
''your Jokes always put me in mind of O
ball" 'Of a ball, madam! Why so pray?
because they never have any point.
d A merry-andrew, on being asked why he
played the fool. replied: 'For the same
reason that you do-out Of want. You dc
it Tor the want of wit, and do it for the
, want of money"
"Wifa, l thought you said you were goinl
to have a. goose for dinner?" $50 / did
and I've kept my word. Where is III?
"Why my dear, amt you hcrc?' Smith
ers couldn't see the point Of that joke.
!. Charles the Seconds politeness did no
: desert him even in his last moments II,
apoogized to the courtiers around his death
bed for having "been an unconsconablt
= time a-dying, but hoped they would excns
@ him.
It 'Dear me-" said shrcwsh mamma
q p where can that boy have got his tempe
u from? Not from me IN sure. "No, in
II deed, my dear," replied her patient husband
is II cant perceive that you have lost any oi
/ yours.
q A gentleman calling at stable to SOC
n pair of horses that had beon advertised 70
v sale, and finding but one of them there, ask
j. ed the man in attendance, "Whcre's hi
q mate?"
/; Faith, sir an think he gives EN- mat
J. but wonct week, was the reply.
J. As an improvement upon the barbarou
y word telegram" the more expressive on
d of "tel.a-whopper" has been suggested
9 The hint will certainly be adopted if the re
Z porters of the daily papers persist in sendin
n their purely fictitious messages over tn
:, wires
j. Stranger to little boy-"Well, my littl
# son, amt you lost?" Little boy, steppin
;. back and cycling the stranger-''Look here
/. mister, don't you be so familiar, if yo
Is please; | am not unprotected" laying hi
IS hand on revolver; ''you must remember
# am gentleman.
II 81 am so lame from the railway crash O
10 last week, can hardly stand" said limr
r ing hobbline chap. swell, then, | hop
It you intend to sue for damages, said hi
II friend. Damages! no, no / have ha
1t damages enough by them; il sue for any
thing it will be for repairs.
Is A man coming to pay his rent bill, tender
- cd his landlord avery ragged looking banl
}; note, at the same time apologizing for /,
D. dilapidated appearance. "Your apologize
are unnecessary" said the landlord; ''yo
are only doing what you should-paying
D. rent bill, " ....-.....
. A gentleman dining at hotel where sol
wants were few and far between, dispatche
u lad among them for cut OF beef. Afte
70 long time the lad returned, and placing
IN before the hungry gentleman, was asked
l. "Are you the lad who took my plate for thi
l. beef?' "Yes, SIR" "Bless me, resume
1t the hungry wit, show you have grown2"
= During recent fire, On old woman wa
anxious 10 no through A street which nj IN