The Mountaineer. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1859-1861, 1861-02-23

their tongues. LGciInghsm's AmesIca
ARTEMUS WARD AND OLD ABE.
n Tar last Vanity Far has an account
OF an interview between the President
elect and Artemus Ward. The latter
finds Mr.. Lincoln persecuted by applicants !
for Office aud describes tue means by which
10 clears the premises: d II ..@s.a..,
Cried Old Abe, t'they cum upon mo
from the skies down the chimneys, and
from the bowels Of the yearthl He
hadn't more'n got them words out Of his
dehkite mouth, before two fat ofliss seek
ers, from Wisconsin, iu endeyerin To-
crawl atween bis legs FOR tile purpdss of
Of appIyin for the tollgatcship nj Milwaky,
upset the President eleck x he would hey
gore sprawlin into the fireplace il | hadn't
canght lsni in these arms. But 1 hadn't
more'n stood him up strate, before anoth-
er man cum crashin down the chimney,
his head strikin me Vicinity agin the in
lards and prostrutin' my yoluptoons form
onto the hoor. Mr., Linkip,"' shouted
the lnsttooated being, "fny papers Is sign
/ ed by every Clergyman in our town; aud
likewise the sch0olmasterw -<ss.:
SEX ~" yen egrRjis as" gittin mp aud
brushiG the dust from my eyes, Iii siau
your paper with tn,s mere bunch OF bones,
Ef Won don't be u little more keeFfGl how
i You make my. bread baskit a jdtpoot Ii
The futer.--How do you like air perfume,
trysn sez j; :shuving my fist under his tsosc;
Them The Liud Of papers Ell CIV yon,
!. Thetn's tho pa ers yen wanti@
/ Hut 4 Norkt hard for the ticket;
Il toiled night and day! The patrit shodla
Il lie rewarded 1; Z
4 "yirtoo, ? said /, toldin the infaiotes
man b. the coat collar, i'sirtoe, SIR, Is iii
i own reward. Look at inc He did
look atspie, and qaaiicd beneath my sRz..
",The fact is, continued, looking rouud
4 upon the huHgry crowd, "there Is scarcely
Ia offs for every lie lamp carried round
Il aarin this caapane. / wish tbare was.
j wish thare was Turin missions to be Oil,
II cd Yafis lonely Islands, where. eppydetIiics
rage necessarily, and il was 10 Gid A hes
4 place, I'D send every mothers son OF you
4 10 them What air you here fpr?a icon.
tiaued, warmin up considerable, Cart
J. you Civ Abe q lninit's peaseY Dun't you
/ see he's world most 10 deathf Go home,
81 you miserable men, go home aud till the
! she! #Ge to peddlin tinMare-go TO chop
. pin wood--g0 to biIiin sope-- stnff sassep.
& gers--blaek boot-git n clerkship OF
; some respectable MANURE eart--go round
! as original Swiss Bell.ringers--becun orr
ginal and only Gambell MiuStrels---go 10
! lectnrin at So dollars nite--eHbaTk in
r the peanut bizness- write for the Ledger
5 saw on your legs and go round giyfn con,
! certs, with techin appeals to charitable
/ public, printed on your handbills--any,
; thing for honest Twin; but don't como
! round here driFin old Abe crazy by your
outrajus cuttins ,rpi :...,.s- Il. ~. -<.
, go home! Stand not upon the order
. Of your going, but 20 TO Onct! lin five
minits from this time" ser /, pulIih out
my new sixteen dollar huntin cased watch
and brandishin IL before there eyes, "Ef
in five nlinits from this time single sol,
! of you remains on these here premises, III
! 20 out, TO my cage near by, aud let my
: Boy Constructor loose! &if it gifts aiming
!, iyou, you'll think Old SolEerino has eul
6 agin and no mistaken You oaglt Il
4 have seen them scamper, Mr.. Fair. The!
. run OFF as though Sarun itself was arte
them with a red hot tea-pronged pitch
r fork. Ia Ave mtnits the premises wa
I clear. . ~. =.
: How kin Fever repay you, Mr. Ward
5 for your kindnessw sed Old Abe, ad
4 vancia and shakin me by the hand. HOY
i; kin ever repay you, sir!% r. ,ss.. =.
e by giyiu the whole country good
sound administration. BY pOurln lie npo
/ the troubled waters, North and South
D BY pursooih patriotic, firm and jus
e course, and then il any State wants /
= seeede let 'em .Sesesh!" III. IT,.
IS '.HeW bout my Cabnit MinistTc, Ward
G scd Abe" J. - -'. .,.>>.
d "Flll it up with Showmen, sirl Show
5 meR is devoid Of politics They .htIin
D. got a darn principle! They know how I
= cater 10 tie pn6lic, They know wis
IS the pablic wants, North and Soutl
Il Shommeh, sir, Is honest men. Ef yo
d doubt their literary ability look nj the
FOSTERS, aud see small bills! Ef you wal
Il a Cabinet as is a Cabinet, Git il Up vii
" shoWmen, but don't call or me ri
h moral wax dgger perfeshnn mustn't
~ permitted to go down while there's dr.,
at of blood ia these veins! A, Linkia, / wi
you Neei! IL Powers or Waicuti was
at pick out model for u beautiful man
/ scarcely think they'd sculp you, but If j
ID do the fair thing by your country, 70,
a. make us putty an angel as any Of us,