The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-02-06
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= Prejudice is a weed that shoots up

- To be always complaining is not
the way to be pitied.
= The present time it the best because
it is your own. ~
- Prentice says it takes three to make
a pair--he, she, and the hired girl.
- Tha man who attempted to look in
TO the future had the door slammed in
his face.
- Pleasant--A country dentist adver-
tises that 'he spares no pains" to render
his operations satisfactory.
-" "Jack, your wife is not so pcnsive
as she used to be?" "No, she has left
that of, and turned ex- x-pensive.'
A manufacturing wire-worker, in
an advertisement, invites the public TO
come and see his invisible wire fences.
= The words that fell from an orators
mouth, were taken up uniuured, and at.
tached to those that hung on his lips.
= We heard our milkman boast the
other day that the milk he sold beat that
of rival establishment by many chdiks.
= An eminent artist lately painted
snow storm so naturally that he caught
bad cold by sitting near it with his coat
off.
- Beware Of falling in love with
pair of moustaches, till you have ascer-
tained whether their wearer is The origin
al proprietor.
=" "What monsters those cotton fac
tors must be-" said Mrs. Partington; 81
am told one of 'em has more than hun
dred hands?'
-"What are you writing such big
hand for, Pat?" "Why, you see, my
grandmother's deaf and Pm writing n
loud letter to her."
- The proprietor of perpetual motion
lately exhibited at Boston, has absconded
without even paying the man who turn
ed the crank an the cellar.
"Don't get above your business"
rs the lady said 10 the shoemaker who
was measuring her ankle in order to as
certain the size Of her foot.
A gentleman once asked n lady of
his acquaintance "what in the world |
are you making. Miss Knapp"
"Knappsacks," was the reply.
= Lust winter, it is said, cow float.
ed down the Mississippi on piece Of ice,
and became so cold that she has MIXED !
nothing but ice cream ever since.
- A man arrested in Virginia for be.
ing engaged at Harpcrs Ferry, replied
that "he did not know Harper, nor where
he kept his ID old Ferry"
-" Woman is at the bottom of all
mischief. "Yes," said Frank, Sand when
| used TO get into mischief my mother
would soon be at the bottom of NO."
- A schoolmaster asked one of his
fair pupils, "Can you decline kiss ~
Dropping a perplcxed courtesy, she mod
estly replied, "Ycs, sir; but l don't like
TOP
-" Shall l help you to the butter?"
said landlady Of a cheap ding-house
to one of her guests. "Don't trouble
yourself" was the reply; "the butter is
strong enough to help itself"
A New Orleans paper tells us of
man who has worn out four pairs of boots
in two months, all in trying to collect the
money to pay for them. Really these
are times TO try mems soles."
- "Io OH had better ask for manners
than money!" said finely dressed gentle
man to beggar who asked for aims
il" asked for what / thought you had the
most of" was the cutting reply.
- Mr.. Gripos, the usuror, to whom
sixpence always looked rs big as cart
wheel, is in the habit of holding his breath
while the tailor measures him, so that his
garments will require less cloth.
= Cufy said he'd rather die in a rail
road smash-up than steamboat burst
up, for this reason: "lf you gets OIL
and smashed up, dar you is; but if you
gets blowed up on de boat, whar is you"
"Whcre is your fatherF said an
angry master TO the son of his habitually
tipping domestic.
He's down stairs, sir"
Getting drunk, | suppose|
"No sir, he amt"
What then?"
Getting sober, sir"
-" "Well, neighbor, what's the most
Christian news this morning2" said
gentleman to friend.
Il have just bought a sack Of flour for
poor woman"
"Just like you'll Whom have you made
so happy by your charity this timeT
any wife"