Litchfield enquirer., 1861-06-06
DoEsTICKs EATS oPIUM-HoW HE -'-' FELT

DOESTICKS EATS OPIUM-HOW HI
 .s'' FELT.
 Doesticks took doseof opium the other day
 He says:
 The blissful effects to come along in the cours,
 of half an hour First T was rich had twent,
 thousand dollars in bank had good many val
 uable houses in the city; owned half the New
 York Central Railroad, and had somuch prairie
 land in Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota tla
 I couldn't run from one end of it to the other it two days on a lightning train. Then
 had a wife, in fact two wiyes-and in twenty minutes more had all of twenty wives-al beautiful, accomplished and 'affsctionate. @sfhen was hero, just returned from war, after killing eighteen thousand men, and was receiving due henors. Then the Standby Mercury had raised my salary to three hundred dollars week, and just sent in their check for five weeks back sa lary: Then L had more wiyes-Mi'fy more handsomer than the first ones, and richer. Ther was patriot; had justTeturned from Wash. ingtm after assassinatingg Jas Buchanan aDt was receiving the plaudits of grateful nation therefor. Then somebody had died and left me more property. and l was charitable benefact or, and was relieving all the wants of the pool folks in the city, giving every man three barrels of pork, nine bags flour, thirty ysix bushels of po tatoes, and a red cart and gray jackass to drag them home for him.
 Then the Sunday 1ercuyy had raised my sa- lary to a thousand dollars week, and was pay. ing me three months salary in advance. Then l was hero again-of another variety this time had just saved thousand lives or so. and the city was in delight about me. Then had more wives-lovelier than before and richer-each one with her pockets full of seed pearls and three pecks of diamonds stitched into her pettcoats. Then was a king and bossing every body and everything to my hearts content, and theirs- Then all my wives had large families that I had nit seen before-all boys, all soldiers and all gen erals then they were all politicians. and all Pre- sidents of Republics; then they were all editors then all merchants /; then all clergynen and all Beechers but whatever they were, l was the ia ther of them all, and they numbered hundred, then thousand, then ten thousand. Then the isu"day Mercury had raised my salary; it was now twenty five thousand dollars week--sta. tionery found and gas bills paid for me--and the proprietors had just sent me round two years pay in atvauce, in gold, and sixty draymen were dumping it into the coal hole by the cart load.
 Then began to be more extravagant, and un- dergo various metamorphoses. First was a freezer of vanilla ice-cream, thtn l was gold fish, then l was new baby, with , husband in- tersted, and enthusiastic relation then I was a Christmas then I was a balloon bound straight for the moon, and with gas enough to carry me there, and with letters of introduction to the man of that interesting planet then Twas a six teen pound trout. and Barnum had brought me for thousand dollars then was clipper ship, the pride of the country; then l was Page 8 Venus then was canary bird, with five ex- u a notes to my palate; then l became flying fish /; then l became shark and swallowed the living fish had just been 1 changed into sail or. and speared the shark that vas a minute before then became the boatswain, and logged the sailor who had speared me when was a shark; then was slung shot, and carved the head of tlFe boatswaiu wfio had fioggca me wfcu 3 sailor then policeman who melted down the s,ung shot; then was Police Commissioner, and broke the roliccnl nj then became the peoplsrnd elected new Commissioner; then, us the people got myself into a election riot then changed into the military and artilleryed myself as the people, and bayoneted myself as the people, and charged myself. and despersed myself then was suddenly metamorphosed in to large buckwheat cake, and was delicately Drowned on the griddle, and nicely fabricated with the sweetest ind purest butter, then 1 was doated in the clearest and most transparently- beautiful molasses which is the highest and best fate of buckwheat cake then changed again and the Mercury had put up my salary to five thousand dollars per week of four days, and had just sent in blank for me to fill out for any namber of ye.rs in advance; my twenty thou sand sons had grown to be the best and noblest of men, and held the leading positions every where in the country then was about to be Mayor of the city, had it not been for crowd ,ol ,;t Lo l,l @hok should be Governor of the State, and was re- who had all voted for me for President of the United States and had just given my consent to fill that responsible post to the best of my ab ility. when was forcibly seized by an army of our first families and our best society, and com pelled to accede to their command to act as Dictator of all North America but before Ihad a chance to fairly say "yes'' to this proposition I found myself declared conqueror of the world and was being invested with the royal robes and things
 From this time things began to go by contra ries 1 wasn't so rich as l had been; wasn't rich at all in fact was beggar. l hadn't twen ty thousand sons, only one, and he was in the penitentiary for stealing a spavined gray mare and buck-skin bridle. I wasn't conqueror I wasn't a governor !. I hadn't killed anybody ] didn't have any maple molasses on me, or any butter. nor anything; wasn't a buckwheat at all; but was screw-steamer with seven hundred all of them sea-sick at once; then was pig, with my throat cut then was my self. with my salary stopped and my work doubled then Twas slice of bread, but preserved all the feelings of man while was toasted very brown on both sides then.I was sausuage and fried then I was an eel and was first speared, then skinned alive, then stewed, then eaten.
 Then was turkey, and was roasted then was an oyster and was salted, and peppered and vinegared, and Worcestershire sauced, and de voured alive on the half-shell.
 Then was myself, and was asleep. and had six anvils on my breast and two fellows forging lumber wagon tires on each anvil then the anvils changed to billiard tables, and Berger and Phel an were playing match game on them then there was three story house on my chest, . tenement house at that and row in every room then my head was carpenters shop. with g turning lathe in one corner; and for the last three hours of my laudanum sleep tier I fell asleep after two hours of bliss) thought my skull was steam boiler for side-wheel steam boat, and thirty-four men, half inside and hall out, were engaged in setting the last rivets I'c accomplish this feat, imagined that they drilled holes through the bone with cold chisel, heat ed the riyets red-hot, and clinched them on botf sides, with seventeen -pound-sledge hammers.
 For the last haIf-hour, l suppose it was but which really seemed like six weeks, I thought had made the acquaintance of His Honor, Satan and that he was favoring me with his devoted personal attentions, and had taken of my scalp battered the top of my head, run pitchforl through my body, and was toasting me like , muffin. . x
 That was the last of my experience of opium eatino the first part of it was delicious bIissful