Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1861-10-10
THE FRONT TEETH AND THE GRIND
ERS.
BY OLIVER WENDELL H)IMES.
From the Atlantic Monhly.

Once on time mutiny apse among the
teeth of a worthy man, IN good health and
blessed with a sound constitution, commonly
known as Uncle Samuel. The cutting teeth,
or inciSors, and the eye-teeth, orcdnineS, though
not nearly so many, all countel, nor so large,
nor so strong as the grinders, and by no means
so white, but, on the contrary, very much dis
colored, began to find fault with the grinders
as not good enough company br them. The
eye-teeth, being very sharp and fitted for seiz-
ing and tearing, and standing out taller than
the rest, claimed to lead them. Presently one
of them complained that it acled very badly,
and then another and another. Very soon the
cutting teeth, which pretended they were sup
piled by the same nerve, and were proud of it,
began to ache also. They all agreed that it
was the fault of the grinders.
About this time, Uncle Sam hiving used his
old toothbrush (Which was never good one,
having no stiffness in the bristles for four years,
took a new one, recommended to him by a
great number of people as homely but useful
article. Thereupon all the front teeth, one af-
ter another declared Uncle Samuel meant to
scour them white, which was thing they would
never submit to, though the whole civilized
world was calling on them to do so. So they
all insisted on getting out Of the sockets in
which they had grown and stood for so many
,oare. p"t the wisdom teeth spoke up for the
others and said:
"Nay, there be but twelve of you front-teeth
and there be twenty of US grinders. We are
the strongest, and a good deal nearest the mus.
ces and the joint, but we cannot spare you
We have put up with your black stains, youl
jumping aches, and your snappsh looks, and
we are not going to let you so, under the pre-
tence that you are to be scrubbed white, if you
/ I =. L 4 L. l..
but you can bite the food well enough, which
we can grind much better than you. We be-
| long to each other. You must stay"
Thereupon the front teeth, first the CANNES
or dog-teeh, next the incisors, or cutting teeth
proceeded to declare themselves out of theil
sockets, and no longer belonging to the jaws o
Uncle Samuel.
Then Uncle Samuel rose in his wrath and shu
his jaws tightly together, and swore he woult
keep them shut until those aching and discolor
ed teeth of his went to pieces in their sockets
| if need were, rather than have them drawn
standing as some of them did, at the very open
ing of his throat and stomach.
And now, ii you will please observe, all thost
teeth are beginning to ache worse than ever
and to decay very fast, so that it will take
great deal Of gold to stop the holes that ar,
forming in them.
But the great white grinders are as sound a
ever, and will remain so until Uncle Samue
thinks the time has come for opening his mouth
In the meantime they keep on grinding in
quiet way, though the others have had to stoI
biting for long time. When Uncle Sanue
opens his month they will be as ready for worl
as ever; but those poor discolored teeth will b,
tender for great while, and never be so stronl
as they were before they foolishly declared them
selves out Of their sockets.
The foregoing fable is respectfully dedicated
to the Southern Plebs, who under the lead o
their "Patrician" masters have "seceded," lik
their predecessors in the days of Meneninu
Agrippa.