The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-09-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
: A rare combination-dollars and


or A rare combinatiou--dollars and
'o"'o' 'So"'S.lio 8 io-nHu olais i3 ua.in,.
~ A hard case Of dis-union. A di-
Vorcc case assee'i o. s,g s,y11 eil isdl l1o
y In favor of the Union. Brandy
and water. l1oY a1E io aoma,l oi y'3B
~ 1t makes great difference, whether
glasses are used over or under the, nose.
-- BE calm and tranquil in danger.--
As many cannon balls have been lodged
TO as from.
.- If petticoat governments not more
oppressive now than formerly, it is GER
taihly double in extent. 2 . ''''" "
= A Dutchnan being called upon for
toast, said: :" Hero is to de heroes who
fit, pied and died at de Pattle of Punker
Hill---of whom / am one.H Ho4 ad.~ B.
- SD just like to see YOU" as the
blind man said to the policeman, when he
told him he would take him to the STA
tion house if he did not move.
"A Western editor noticing the mar;
riagc of Mr.. Boot to Miss Leather,
very nationally remarks that they are 90
ing into the boot making business ..2''
- Old maids--a class Of sensible wom-
en- who refuse to accept husband until
they find some one they can love and es-
teem-which of course they rarely do,
- A young lady, engaged in writing,
observed TO n clergyman present that she
was scribe. To which the clergyman
With sagacity and clerical discernment
truly credtable, replied sand .tair I
see." Emaf5.riro los GiNasu.aI'
= A miller in giving certificate to
the proprietor Of Mr.. Harrison's pills "
for destroying vermn, astounds us with
the assertion, / was full of rats fort
night since, and now don't think | have
one"
-. There is man out West who has
moved so often that, whenever covered
wagon comes near his house, his chickens
march up, fall on their backs and cross
their legs, ready to be tied and carried to
the next stopping place. ,r iie Lur
- AT the celebration of our national
anniversary, poor pedlar, who was pres
ent, being called. upon for toast, offered
the following:
T" Here's health to poverty;it il sticks
to man when all friends desert him."
- The other day two young ladies
were promenadng up street, when ono Of
them came down like thousand Of
brick" Jumping up, she exclaimed, sot,
to voce:. "Beforc another winter III
have man to hang on to, SEQ If l don't y
Sensible. v.ra1 ra''a .r1J iatl "a. r
= A doctor advertises to this effect
"Consumptives cough while you can; for
after you have taken one bottle Of my
medicine, you can't" ,..t..
We rather think we won't take any Of
that doctors stuff until we find out what
he means by the above rather equivocaI
extract from bis advertisement. .E
- In back township of Upper Can
ada, magistrate, who kept a tavern
sold liquor to the people till they go
drunk and fought in his house. He theI
issued warrant, apprehcnded them, anc
tried them ON the spot. and, besides fin
ing them, made them treat eaeh other t,
make up The quarrel. ,o. .Ua9 ue
"A young lady in the town of A.
whose beauty formed matter of genera
admiration and discussion, in passing
group Of officers in the street, heard on
Of them exclain to his fellows. "B,
heavens she is painted" .''', PITY '' +
eyes, sir, and By heaven only" sh
quietly replied, turning round. The office
acknowledged the rebukc, and apoligized
r,- A Yankee is never. upsetb the as
} tonishing. He walks upon the Alps witt
his hands in his pockets, and the smok
of his cigar is seen among the mists o
LNiukuiu. fOuc vi nlS CistSS SuUtiIciCd III
TO the office of the lightning telegraph
and asked how long it would take t
transmit message to Washington +!
" Ten minutes, was the reply. ~
"I can't wait,' was the rejoindcr
= One very cold night, q jolly old fel
low, who had partakcn rather freely 0
flip at the tavern, started for home in |
! sleigh, and on the way was upset and ef
by the side of the road. Some persons
passing the same way short time after
discovered tho old fellow in sitting pos
, ture, holding his feet up TO the moon
calculating to some Invisible person: a.a
" Pile on the wood-it's laundering
cold fire." 'D'''''
sf q. "t@H }oau.Nr,ahA m
= A beautiful girl stepped into shol
to buy a pair OF mitts, How much ar
theyp "Why," said the gallant, impu
dent clerk, lost in gazing upon her spark
ling eyes and ruby lips, " you shall hay,
them for kiss" "Yery WELL" said tb
lady, pocketinp the mitis. while her eye