The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1861-01-25
vol. 4 no. "A.


Z-"Judge, you say If punch a man. even
) 10 fun, he can take me'up for assault and BAT
ter ~
eyes. sir, I said thai, and what said re-
peat, II you punch man YOU are guilty of a
breach OF the peace, and can be arrested for
it''
"Ain't there no exceptions ?"
Ono sir, 10 exceptions whatever"
| "Judge, think you are mistaken, Suppose
for instance, should brandy -puncn bim-what
| then 2"
''N-o levily IN court, sir. Sheriff expose this
man to the atmosphere. Call the aezt case!'
Personal "When are you going to COM
mence the pork business ~ asked a person of
another, who bad a sty on his eye
"Expain yourself, sir," said the afflicted gem
tleman.
"why I see that you have your sty quite
ready.''
"True," replied the other, sand .Pye hog
in my eye row :"
Tie queFist vamosed.
0G-rha following occurred in school IN
this country
Teacher-What part of speech is the word
egg -
Boy (hesitahngl --"Nouu, Sir"
Teacher-"What's ifs gender ~
Boy tperplexed)-" tell, SIR"
Teacher-EIs it masculine, feminine, or neu-
ter -
Boy-(looking sharp)-Can't say, sir, till IT
is hatched ~
T-When you see a gentleman at midnight
on the step in front of his house comhng his
hair with the door-scraper, you may Judge he
has been out TO an evening party.
D5A A soldier who was once wounded in bat
tie. set up terrible believing. An yIrishman
who laid near, with both legs shot off, imnedi-
atelv sung ont
"Bad luck to the likes OF vn, do We think that
nobody is kilt but vourseIf?''
0G@The following beautiful stanza is copied
from a'young lady's album.
''Falr made, when I hold ure face
& gaize in two ure azbur ize
My love is warmed in a blaze,
& thauts within mi bosom rize
2 big for mi week tung utter,
which leaves mi hart awl IN a futter"
A LAMENT.-A weather bound individual
Standing under an awning during late show
er was beard TO utter The following lament:
I was eyer thus from childhood's hour
Tberr.eS r.S; aisea5 iTsle'a5!ing at fate has on ne, fell
When [ amt got no umberelI
g-A Young lady was waltzing The other p
venng, and gentleman friend was standing
near. During a momentary pause, be said 10
her
eT saw them-they're blue"
Now it appears the young lady had blue rn-
sptts on her slippers, and also blue earters. and
being uncertain as to which her friend referred,
she concluded 10 stop wal:zing in the expanded
crinoline she then wore.
An advocate having lately gained sui. for
a poor young lady, she remarked ssT have
nothing TO pay you With, sir, but my heaft.''
''Hand it over TO the clerk, if you please,
wish no fee for myself"
TE-ln Cincinnati, an Irshman became angry
a. darkpY, and broke seven or eight bricks
lpon hrS head without doing him the least in
urv. The negro. who was perfectly cool du-
ring the operation, exclaimed 'tStruck away
white man-dis'chila don't mind dem pebbles
no how yah yah -
ia writer in an Arkansas paper, who is
evidently no friend of Lincoln, gives us bis SEN
iments IN the following style:
Two posts Standani,
One beam crossant,
One rope pendant,
Abram at the end ont,
Glorious, sPIendent.
A bereaved Western widow addressed the
1alI-bearers at the funeral with-"You pail
bearers, Just 90 into the buttery, and get some
'um, and We'll start this man right'along.''
A story is told OF tavern keeper bv the name
# A. s. Camp. The painter, IN painting bis
ign, left ont the points, so it read Tavern
tept by a SCAMP.
RrEe"Mr. Jones, why do you wear that bad
,at ~
"Because, my dear sir, Mrs. Jones vows she
vill not 60 out of the house until I get a new
,ne."
Ty~An editor of paper in Indiana, wants
o know if Western whiskey was ever seen
scomn' thro' the rye 2"
YFOuilD saws there's many woman stronr