The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1861-05-16
From Vanity Fair.
irtemus Ward on the Shakers.

The Shakers is the strangest religious sex, |
ever met. I'd hearn tell of 'em and I'd seen EN-
with their broad brim'd hats and long wastid
coats; but I'd never cum into immejit contack
with EN-, and I'd s0t 'em down as lackin intel
leck, rs Id never seen EN- TO my show-least-
ways if they cum they was disgised in white Pc
pies close, 50 | didn't know 'em.
But the Spring of s., l got swampt in the
exterior of New York State, one dark and stormy
night, when the winds blue pityusly, and | was
forced 10 tie up with the Shakers.
WAS toilin threw the mud, when in the dim
vister of the futur l observed the CLEANS of a tai
low candle. Tiein n hornets nest TO my off hoss's
tail TO kinder encourage him, | soon reached the
place. / knockt ut the door, which it was open
ed unto me by IL tall, slick-faced, solum lookin
individual, who turn'd out 10 be an Elder.
Mister Shaker sed |, : you see before you
q Babe in the Woods, SO to speak, and he axes
shelter of you"
.aYay.F said the Shaker, and ne led the way
into the house. another Shaker bein sent to put
my HOSES and Vaughn under kiver.
\ sOlum female, lOOkin sumwhat like n last
wears beau-pOle stuck into Il long meal bag, cum
IN and axed me was | athurst and did L hunger ?
to which | urbInely ansered "a few" She went
orr and I endeavOred to open 4 conversashun with
the old man.
Elder. I spect?' sed L.
Tay," ne sed.
Helth's good, | reckon"
.sYay."
What's the wages of an Elder, when he IN
derstans his biznes-Or do you devote your sar-
vices gratooitus?"
"Iay.f
stormy night. sir?"
"Yay."
"If the storm containers theren be a mess IN
der foot, hay?"
"Yay."
Its unpleasant when there's a mess under
foot?
"Yay."
If I NAV be so bold, kind sir, what's the
price of that peeooler kind of wiskit you wear,
incloodin trimmins7"
"Yay."
pawsi Il mint. and then, thinkin I'd be
faseshus with him and see how that would go, l
slapt him on the shoulder, bust into 4 harty larf,
and told him IL u yGyer he had no Twin ekal.
He iunpt up rs it biIin water had been squirt
ed into has ears, groaned, rolled his eyes up lords
the sealin and sed You're Il man of sin. He
then walkt out of the rom.
Jest then the female In the meal bag stuck her
he'd into the room and statid that refreshments
awaited the weary traveller. | sed lift was vittles
she ment. the weary traveller was agreeable, and
/ followed her into the next room
sot down to the table and the female in the
meal bag pOred out SUN tea She sed nOthin,
and for i've minits the only live thing in that
room was q old wooden clock, which tickt IN a
subiOoi and bashful manner IN the corner. This
dethIy Stiffness made me Uneasy, and | determin-
ed to talk to the female or bust. 80 SEE |, : mar
rage IL again your rules, oieeVe' marin;
Yay.'
The sexes liv s;rickly apart, l spect?"
"Yay."
It's kinder singular SEE |, putin on my
most sweetest look and speIkin in Il whinnin
voice. Z. that 50 fIir = made rs thow never got
hitched to some likely Teller. IN B.-She was
upwards If 10 and hOmely as u stump fence, but
/ thawt I'd tIckil her"
II don't like men =" she sed very shovt.
Wall. | dunno SCI l, . they re Il rayther
important part of the pOpulashun. IdOn'rscarce-
IL see how we could gt along without en-.
=. Us poor wimmin folks would git along 4
crate deal better it there was no mem -
You'll excuse me marin, but | dOn't think
that air would work. IL wouldn't be regeler. -
.'Im fraid Of men ~ she said.
That unnecessary, marin. l0u am In no
danger. Don't fret yourself on that pint
Here, we're shot out from the sinful world.
Here all J. peas. Here we are brothers and sis
tsrs. We don't marry, and CONSISTENTLY We have
no domestic difficulties. Husbands don't abOOze
their wives-wiyes don't wOrrit their husbands.
There's no children to wOTrit Us here. No wick
ed m-alrimony here. Would thOw like to be 4
Shaker"
NO." sez I, it amt nv stile.
had now hIstei III a. org a load Of prcvisuns
a. l could carry comfortable, and leanin back in
nv cheer cummenst Vickin nv teeth with a fork.
The female went out, l-Ivin me ali alone with
the clock. | hadn't sot thar long before the FL
der pOked his head IN at the door. " You're a
man Of sin. he seJ, and gTOaned and went away.
Direckly thar cum IN two young Shakeresses,
as putty and slick loOkin gals - | ever met. IL
j. trpo they was drest IN meal bags like the old
one I'd met preyi>ly. and their shiny. silky har
was hid from sight by long white caps, sich as |
spose female ghosts wear; but their eyes spIrkled
like diminds, their cheeks was like roses. and
thew was charmin enuf 10 make a man throw
stuns at his grandfather If they axed him 70.
Thew cJmmeuS cleariD away the dishes, cdstin
-hv glances at me all the time. | got excited.
/ forgot Betsy Jane in my raprer, and SCI, my
pretty dears, how air yOuy'
- We air we'll. >" they s1lumly sed.
WARS the old man - sd +. in 4 soft voice.
of whom dost thDw speak-BrOther Uriah -
. Imean the gay and festive cuss who calls me
n man OK sin. Shouldn't wonder IL his name Is
CrElh."
. He H.a rarsraf -"