New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1861-04-08
gEatramoris1 1nfeiieities.

Gear, i sdIG TO the lady WHD was seated opposite
to me at the breakfast table, and who has the good
fortune to be nay wife, g if there be one thing
dislike more than another, it is to receive a cup of
coffee that looks as if it had been slipped from be-
fore itreached my hands. Have not often asked
you to fill my cup to within an eight of an uch OF
the rim, and not to give it to me half or three
quarters fall?n
50 You AZ particular as an old bachelor the
estimable lady replied, g and if had known ii be-
fore married you, this day would not have seen
me your wife There, sir, is your cup Of coffee.
hope it will suit you.n
Good gracious y exclaimed, asI took the cup,
&C now you've managed to rnn it over. You GER
tainly must be aware that if there be one thing
dislike more than another, it is to find slops in my
saucer"
sWell, if You will insist on nv filing the cup.
you must expect that sometimes I shall spill it
over besides, your finding fault with me does no
good, but makes me nervous, and causes my hand
to tremble, that only wonder there is any cof-
fee left in the cup. But here is a clean saucer in
place of the one you have"
Having effected this important change, tasted
the contents OF my cup. 1t was evident to me that
there was no sugar it. tasted it again to make
certain of the fact. Then said to her
g You have neglected to put sugar into my cof-
fee. If there be one thing dislike more than an
other, it is coffee unsweetened."
''I am certain," replied my estimable spouse,
t'that did sweeten it, don't think you have
stirred it.n
But know have,n answered
''Not with your spoon,'' said the provoking wo-
man for it is perfectly dry; perhaps, however,
/" Pshaw" was all the answer vouchsafed to
this remark.
"NowyI declare,' / said, after having stirred
and slipped my coffee, you have made it too sweet.
If there be one thing dislike more than another it
is to have my coffee taste like syrup"
:. Let me put more milk with it, then2n said the
| oblging woman. #E8
"No, thank you," replied, /" don't care to
| have my stomach turned into dairy. If there be
one thing dislike more than another, is milk.
| gave up milk diet when cnt my first teeth
| q 1t is to be hoped that you will give up the
habit of fanltnding, which you possess in an emf
| nent degree, when you come to cut your wisdom
teeth, though no one can tell when that will he.''
"Thank YOU replied, "you will probably be
| the first who will know it when it occurs.''
tArd happy day it will be for me-" she
| answered with provoking camness. Few know,
though, how much unhappiness your constant fault
finding enuses me. Nothing do seems to give you
any satisfaction. There isn't a moment elapses,
while you're in the house, when you're asleep,
| but you are thus occupied. The truth is, | have
| always been too ndulgent with you, and humor
| you when ought not. I didn't commence right in
the first place. should have paid attention to
| your whims, but studied my own convenience and
| comfort instead of seeking to make everything
/ smooth and pleasant for you. Then would have
got along much better. Oh, you men great
tyrants and if woman yields to you in the least,
| you follow up your advantage, and bend her will
to yours and crush her spirit to the earth TILL by
| and by, you break her heart.'
|
coffee, !, ! said, passing my cup to her; g but be
careful not to run it over, get it too sweet nor
put in too much milk. What an intolerable steal
/ this isl" added. g 1t is tough enough to have
thousand hills more than a thousand years ago. /
there be one thing dislike more than another, i
is q tough beefsteak."
| ''You ordered it yourself, from the market; 81
you needn't find fault with me on account of it.
knew it was tough the moment looked at it.''
'Then why didn't you send it back?n in
quired.
Because, as it was your selection, supposed
you wanted a tough one besides, if I had re-
turned it, you would have found fault with me fol
doing So"
"Well can't eat it, that's certain" said /; I" SC
it had better be taken off the table. shant throw
any more money away on beefsteaks."
''Oh, it will answer for hash'' said my economt-
cal wife, " and you can have it for dinner"
| Z" Hash !" ! exclaimed "lf there be one thing
| I dislike more than another, it is hash. Hash is
only fit for children and old people without teeth
Besides, it is popular dsl, at boardng-schools and
| boarding houses; and when was boy, and af-
terward while bachelor, ate my share Of it, and
| I'm not going to eat any more. No, We'll have a
| turkey for dinner"
every we'll, said my spouse, ga turkey let it
| be- Shall | see to getting one?h
I" think notn | answered. "The fact is that
all the turkeys you select turn out to be like the
celebrated one of which Mr.. Job was the reputed
owner-poor and tough. No, Ill buy the turkey
| and you can cook it.n
| Every WELL" said the imperturable lady. But
how will you have it cooked?'
con, any way suit yourself" answered.
"Then think will roast it," she answered
| "Roast it! " exclaimed. =" That is Just like you.
| Now, you know that it there be one thing dislike
more than another, it is to have turkey roasted.n
"Very well, then said the accommodating wo-
man, ~ will boil it,"
'Boil it !" said, aghast. "Boil soup, boil lamb
chops boil Cherries if you like, but never, for me,
| boil turkey.n
"Pray, then, how will you have it cooked ? Only
| tell me, and it shall be done"
| ''Why-why- y--well-friGassee it, Of course"
| answered, triumphanty.
'Very well,' said the lady, looking, however, as
| if it were not very we'll.
| ''Why can't you say something else besides
every well?" l asked. What a provoking woman
| you are, to be sure"
'Not half so provoking as you are" she replied.
| ''Now then, you wish 10 make me angry, sup
pose but you can't do it' said. 81 have put
up with everything all through breakfast, and
am not going to be provoked just as am finish
ing
wife said, in most innocent and aggrieved
manner.
''Bnt you certainly do provoke me-" replied
Then am sorry for it," She answered. in a
| softened tone, " for such was not my Intention"
looked across the table at my wife; something
| like tear rolled down her cheek
| Goodness" +" whispered to myself, al have
made my wife weep. What-a--W What-a-b brute
| | am"
Then, speaking aloud, exclaimed;
"DarIing!"
&C Darling " was her calm reply.
'tDn yOu know, y | continued, :" that if there be
one thing dislike more than another, it is a tear.
She answered simply with u sad smile.
3weetheart?' u | said.
Well.h
Cook the turkey any way you please.'
She shook her head.
left my sent, (having finished my breakfast)
went to her side, and, smoothing her pale, wan
cheek with my hand, kissed it, and said:
" Forgive me, dear, this time"
She smiled dubiousIy, as if " this time ~ was only
one out of the - seventy times sever" " which she
would be called on to forgive during our matrimo
nal career but, nevertheless, the pressure of hel
hand / had taken, assured nc that peace wal
made. [Home Journal
Several gentlemen were returning by cars Il
Pittsburg from the oil regions, One of them hat
sample of the oil bottled up in his pocket. The
bottle burst, causing strong greasy scent tt
pervade the air. A Akeen-nosed speculator think
ing the smell proceeded from surface indica
tions" in the land through which they were pass
ing, privately g teed the conductor, had the trail
stopped, and got oil to "secure claims.n Atte
the train had disappeared around the curve, h
discovered his mistake, and had to foot it to tn
nextstation
f Recently there was sold IN Paris by the sheriff
officer, large parcel OF old books, very dusty an
Frttnafa nff fha