Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1861-05-04
Dnn(orons .gkettb.
SQUIRE RICHER's COW.


"Good lookn' cow, Squire Richer. Want
to sell?"
well dunno. Want to buy?"
"That depends on the price. Whatl you
sell her for?"
IN oke me an offer."
"Wsll, suppose she's worth eighteen or
twenty dollars. Some. where about that"
eighteen or twenty dollars Land soul,
Mr. Smith ! Why, that COW is the red Dur.
bam Che hire short horn--the best breed in
the world, you know p
"Sho you don't say so, though, do ye?
Strange, now. didn't notice it. Come from
the town of Short Horn, eh ?"
"Land soul, no, Mr.. Smith. She was
owned by man by the name Of Short Horny,
and they called her Short Horn, ye know,
cause Horny was too long to speak. The
nan that raised her was an English or Irish,
forget which. So you see the cows
furriner. l reported her myself from the
continent"
"Sho Why, never ha' heard word Of
it. Kept it private, didn't ye Squire ?"
"Wall, yes, rather. Ye see it is the times
OF the Know Nothing agitation, and ye know
I'm candidate for selectman in our town
so was afraid if the people found out that
was bringing furren cattle over here, they
would turn right out and spie my election.
You know they're down on furrners."
"Wall, l declare. Squire, you're sharp.
But the cow can speak-that is, roar English,
can't she 7"
"Sartin Just like any other COW. And
now, negbbor Smith, il you want to buy q
grand good COW, one that'll give twenty, FIVE
quarts of milk day, and make ten pounds of
butter q week, you will never have such o
oh nj ~ har .
to any other man, bnt you and have alters
been good frends and don't mind sacrificing
a few paltry dollars to oblege you. You may
have that Durham Cheshire short horn COW,
bred some. where in Victorias dominions, for
the sum Of forty. five dollars. Dog cheap !"
"Forty.fve dollars Oh Squire, you
must think I'm made Of money. never can
afford to give that. Say forty, and Id think
about it,"
"Well Mr.. Smith, you're a tight hand at q
bargain but won't stand with you for few
paltry dollars. You may have the cow for
forty"
The money is yourn."
"The cows yourn."
There, reader, that's the way Mr. John
Smith happened to become the owner Of the
Durham Cheshire short horn ''furren" COW,
reported" from the continent by James
Richer, justice of the peace for Stafford coun-
ty, State Of New Hampshire. Now for
further particulars.
Mr.. Smith drove his parchsse home, much
eiated with the acquisition, and when night
came he would not permit his daughter Jane
to milk the short horn with the other cows,
he must perform the pleasurable aud highly
interesting job himself Mr.. Smith estab-
lished himself on three.legged stool at the
side OF the short horn, and placing fifteen
quart wooden pail at the proper angle com.
menced the process. 10 less than second
he bad the pail brimful for the short horn,
not probably relishing the slow, old fashioned
method OF filling the pail With milk. concluded
to save Mr.. Smith considerable trouble, and
accordingly set both her hind feet into the
devoted pail, giving Mr.. Smith smart
whisk with her stub tail at the came time.
Mr.. Smith tried to dislodge the obtruding
feet, but, to his surprise, be found them a
fixture. On further examination he found
that the feet had quietly knocked out the
bottom OF the pail. and the legs Of the short
horn were firmly hooped together. He pulled
aud hauled at the refractory legs, but all to
10 purpose they we're bound to stick. Sc
Mr.. smith as a last resort. applied hatchei
to the pail, aud rent it in twain. Out few
short born's understandings, aud by way o.
examination into their safety, she let go first
one and then the other against Mr.. Smiths
ankse'bone. Over went smith, and the
three legged milk stool bouncing after him
his head in fragrant ud.puddle, and hi
feet elevated in "the elastic fluid which sur
rounds the EARTH" He screamed to SimoI
Mildmay, his hired man, to come to th'
rescue but Simon was engaged just then il
the interesting business Of kissing Jan
Smith behind the brndls COW she was milkinl
and it was some time before be responded t
the call.
When Mr. Smith was once more raised I
the perpeudculs-, he swors q few easy words
looking sadly at the Durham Cheshire shor
horn, and went in to Mrs. smith to have th
wound bound up. From that worthy lad
he received but little consolation.
Il sllers told you SatIh = SAID she "to kee