The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-09-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
: The best war bulletin. A bullet
in the heart Of the enemy.

: The best war bulletin. A bullet
in the heart of the enemy.
= Prentice says the real motto of the
seceders is, "Let U. S. alone"
- Tho man who moved an amendment
injured his spine by the operation.
= Let romantic young lover give TO
a musquito the name of his sweetheart.
= 1t is not so honorable to descend
from high ancestry as to ascend from a
low one.
=, The right thing in the wrong place
is love letter written on a mourning
sheet. ri r.i l'a
= A splendid ear, but very poor
voice, as the organ-grinder said of the
donkey.
- The editor Of the - talks about
his frame of mind. He may have the
frame of one, but that's all.
= A patent medicine vender advertis-
es pills and ointment that will cure the
worst fit of any pair of boots.
= 1t is said that Virginia will not
send us any moro oysters. Never mind; I;
we will give her plenty of shells.
= A census-taker found n woman who
gave her own age rs twenty-eight years,
and that Of her eldest son at twenty
three.
- A manufacturer Of parasols says,
that the height of impudence is taking
shelter in an umbrella store during thun-
der storm.
- A man on being upbraded for his
cowardice, said he had ms bold heart as
any one, but his cowardly legs would run
away with it.
- There is man in Greenbush, says
the Troy Ne,oS, who believes in rotation
of crops. One year he raises nothing; the
next year weeds.
- A notorious abolitionist announces
that he will lecture on the gallows. Tho
Louisville Journal hopes he may get the
hang of the subject.
= Boosting is sometimes out of place.
We were once amused at hearing q gen
tleman remark that he was bachelor, rs
was his father before him. 'Hr
-'"I am afraid Of lightning" mur.
INJURED pretty woman during thunder
storm. '.r F.Ir..
"Well you may be-" said desparing
lover, "when your heart is STEEL"
: DR.. Franklin, endcavoring to kill a
turkey by an electric shock, received the
whole battery HIMSELF when he good hu-
moredly observed that "instcad " of killing
n turkey he had nearly put an end to a
goose" .g
= A young lady writes to know how
she is to avoid chapped hands during this
cold weather. We hardly know. If she
attracts the chaps by her eyes, she must
expect some difficulty in getting them of
her hands.
- The following is an exact copy of n
notice which is a. present posted in Jer-
sey stage: "Lost-a calf red. He had
q white spot on one of his behind legs
He was she calf. l will give three dol
lars TO every body what will bring him
home."
- A minister held forth to his female
auditors, in the following manner: abe
not proud that our blessed Lord paid you
the distinguished honor of appearing first
TO a female after the resurrection-it was
only done that the glad tidings might
spread the sooner"
- School Marin = Thomas, what
does bench spell? ?"
Tommy" Don't know, ma'am."
School Marm--" What, you lttlC
numbskull, what are YOU sitting on?"
Tommy Cooking sheepish) =" /
don't--hke-to tell"
II SoIiuIuC JOIdtliln IdIely lOOk
ride with his girl, and stopped at res
taurant and had glass of soda. 1t wa;
prepared, and swallowed at one draught
then turning to her, he said: s....,...
"Sal, that was darned good; why don''
you buy some for yourself?"
= A neat compliment was paid the
other day to lady. She had just swal
lowed glass of wine, as gentleman it
the company asked for a taste. "It'
all gone" said she, laughingly, unles,
you will take some from my lips" 81
should be most happy" he replied, "but
l never take sugar with mine."
= The Boston Post is responsible fol
the following: "A farmer, living on The
line of the Troy and Boston Railroad
stopped passenger train, on Thursday
last, by waving his hat. What is th'
matterr screamed the engineer. Mat
ter said the farmer, 'nothin' as know
of Then what did you swing your ha
forT Il was tanning myself said TIN
farmer. The engineer is supposed L
have 'cussed little, but our reporte