, 1861-09-12

The steamer s., commanded BY Capt. S., several
years ago exploded with terrible effect, and burned
to the waters edge. Captain s. was blown into
the air, alghting near u floating bale, upon wh
he climbed uuinjured, though much blackened. Ar
rived at village some miles below, " which news
Of the disaster had preceded him. he was accosted
by the editor Of the village paper, with whom be
was well acquainted, aud who was eager for an
item.
Il say is the S. blown up?"
ayes"
"Was Capt. s. killed?"
"NO! am Capt. s."
The thunder you are! How high were you
blown 2"
High enough to think Of every mean thing l
ever did in my life before came DOWN"
The editor started on n run for his Office the
paper was about going to prlss, and not wishing
TO omit the item Of intelligence for the next issue,
two weeks OF, wrote as follows
"The steamer 5, has burst her boiler, we learn
from Capt. s., who says he was up long enough TO
think Of every mean thing he ever did in his life
before he III. We suppose he was up about three
months"
Massa. you ucber heard what pooty baby
used to BE-, did you!"
"No, never did,"
"Yes, sir; why, massa used to be such a smart,
pOoty boy, dat my mudler used to 20 round tellin'
de neighbors what fine boy was, and was so
handsomc-"
Yes, but don't you know the old saving, that
good.llooking boys grow up to be very 6Omely
menT
"Ineber thought of dat, massa IgoIly. what
pOoty boy you must have been!"
May is considered an unfortunate marrying
month. A young girl was asked. not long since,
to unite herself TO a lover, who named May in his
proposal. The lady limited that May was an ull-
lucky month.
"Well, make it June, then" replied the swain.
Casting down her eyes, with blush, she re-
joined, e Would not April do as well Z"
Volumes have bccn written on marriage. but
whole foliOs could not convey more of the philOsO
ply Of the subject than is condensed in nutshell
in the following answer by woman to an old
maid, who reproached her for her choice Of hus-
band ITO be sure, he is not SO good husband
us he should be; but he's powerful sight better
than none"
A late professor was one day walking near
Aberdeen, when he met a wclLknown natural"
"Pray," said the professor, :" how long can q
man live without brainsH"
al dnna KEN" said Jenny, scratching his head
how auld are ye yOurself'
Once, when catechising my children, while they
were very young, asked, "Who was the first
man"
Adam"
"Who was the first woman"
Adams mother"
"Ha! ha! Pat. don't like that" said Mrs.
Grumble TO her workman on catching him in the
act 0f drinking her cram.
by me scwl, then, you don't like what's good"
answered the humorous joker.
"My son." said an afectionate mother to her
son, who resided at a distance. and expected in u
short time to be married, "yOu are getting thin"
a." Yes, mother" he replied, IL am when come
next, think you may sec my rib"
A elderly spinster wrote to friend: a Wild
over with ten children has proposed and have
accepted. This Is the nnmher should have been
entitled TO II had married at the proper time"
The KGfaE shys: A ruler who appoints any
man to an Office when there is in his dominions
another mar better qualified for il, sins against
God and agrinst the State.
Franklin, on Learing tic remark that what was
lost 90 earth went To tle moon. said there must be
a deal Of good advice accumulated there.
We have heard or but oLe old woman that kiss
Cd her cow" but there are thousands Of young Oues
that kis every great calf they meet.
He who wants good sense Is unhappy in having
Earning. fr be has thereby more ways q exposing