New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1861-10-24
DE LUNATICO.

All prOvident gentlemen VINO thlnh that
Slavery has anything to do with the Southern
Rebellion will please to be at once measured
for their straight, jackets; for, ten TO one, their
Frenzies will be uncomfortable in a common
coat before December. Woe be to any man
who trusts in his own diagnosis of his own
sanity! He may be able to 90 about keeper
less; he may escape Bedam; he may be of
sound and disposing mind and memory; but
we have the authority of a respectable news
paper for asserting that if there be but tine
ture of Emancipation in his cerebrum, he is
"mad that he is insane, crazy, added,
frenzied demented, and ST. Luke knows what
beside-that he must be purged, blOoded, bis
tered, cupped, shaver as to his head, and sub
iected TO all the other pOtencies known to the
Mad-Doctors. Emancipation is Z" a scheme,
20 saws this aforementioned newspaper. "a
"mad scheme" further declares this warning
sheet To DO 50 a scheme is sad enough, but
10 be ga mad scheme" is sad indeed.
This particular form of madness, we mean
to say is dreOdflllly prevalent. Without our
knowledge and against our consent, we are
written down mad-and in such company, too /!
TIE TRIBUNE is mad, but 80, as We have all
along suspected, is The 1imes-so is Tie Iade-
pendent-sO are others that IL would not be
prudent even to name. Madness, 1t will be
seen. rules the hour. The lady in Sherldans
" Critic went mad in white-we poor news
papers in black and white. And, as mad peo-
pie ever since the days Of Hamlet have had
the privilege of talking, We propose III tins
column to drivel little, and to indulge our
selves in the outrageous.
And, in the first place, what excellent
company we are in There are the Doctors,
for instance! One of them is called by a
breathless messenger to the bedside OF q
patient. He is motionless. Senseless. Cannot
hear. Cannot see. Cannot feel. Small pulse
stertorous breathing. Cold sweat. Teeth
clenched. "A bad case of apOplexy," says
the Doctor; 81 have seen nothing like it since
81 walked the hospital;" and he whips out
his lancet, and prepares for action, mentally
determining at the same time upon tre-
mendous blister. All the Doctor is mad
very mad indeed!
Then there are the respected clergy! The
Rev. Boanerges fancies-its only fancy, mind
you that his congregation is getting rather
oyer.stocked with sinners-lars, perhaps, or
misers or drunkards. He pitches upon par
ticuIar sin; he selects neat and appropriate
text: he prepares a scOrching sermon; and
upon the very next Sunday he lets loose the
/ thunderbolts of deBunciation and the zephyrS
of persuasion. What mad Parson it is, TO
/ be sure
| Then here is a lawyer with an injured client
When he gets upon his legs to tackle TO tue
iurv he sets forth the tests sustained BY the
plaintiff, and cries aloud for damages lie
doesn't say: "Gentlemcn, we are all wrongs;
we have no case at all; my client loves the
" defendant dearly and would, if it were pos
4" sible cheerfulIy embrace him at this mo-
" ment." On the contrary, he launches into
quite another style of discussion. Clearly q
mad lawyer
Now for Slavery. We take it for granted
that it exists. No gentleman, we hope, VIII
deny that it exists. We take it for granted
that it is the cause of the rebellion. No gen.
tleman, we hope, will gainsay so much
Slavery is the npoplexy, the sin, tho aggressor'
Some innocent, plain-spcaking man, at any
rate, thinks so and says SO. All his heart Is
stirred against its mhumanity; all his head sees
/ that it is blunder; all his conscience pro-
nouuces it a crime; and, as he is humane
sensible aud honest he ventures to express
hope that in some way we may be rid of this
oricin of all our sorrows and distractions
: Here is another lunatic for you
! Thus the reader Wiz notice, Il 50 lar he pa