The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1861-07-10

DOUBLE VsroX-A butcher, who was afflicted with
that obquitY of vision known as srabismus was about
saughtering bullock and he employed little negro
to stand by the bulls neck, grasp his horns and hold
his head steady, that be (he butcher would have
certainty Of knocking him down. As the butcher poised
his axe in the air, lie seemed be looking directly at
the negro instead of at the bullock
"Leok here look here, bessE, exclaimed the darkey,
with great deal Of nervous repidation sis you gwine
to strike whag you is LOOKING
"Of course am you black scoundrel was the reply,
"Den you git somebody else to hold de bullock >
calculated tbi negro; you isn't gwine to knock dis
chile's brains out
A THrcK.-Breslau, jugglcr, being at certain
place with his troupe met with bad that they
almost starved. lie repaired to the wardens and
promised to give the profit Of nights conjuraton to
the poor if tie parish would pay for hiring etc.
The charitable bait took the benefit proved bumper
and next meTlng the wardens waited upon the wizard
to touch the receipts
II have already disposed Of them, said Bresau.
The profits were for the poor J have kept my prom
Use, and given the money to my own people, who are
the poorest in this parishh
"Sir." exclaimed the wardens, this is a trick" 81
know it, replied the conurer, 81 live by my tricks.
TIE LAST WoRr.--The last word Is the most dan
gcrous Husband ard wife should no more strive to
get it than they would struggle for the possession of
lighted bomb shell Married people should study
each others weak points skaters look after the weak
parts Of the ite, in order to keep off them Ladies
who marry tot love should remember that the union Of
angles with woman has been forbidden since the food
The wife is tile of the social system Unless she
attracts there is nothing to keep heavy bodies, like
husbands, from flying off into space.
SrEANBoATtITEM.-a wag board Of a steamboat
not a little 4 luetGde in his sumbers by some fellow
dodgers who SEEMED to dispute is claim to the berth
called out
"H'lo, Steward"
"What, maEsa?'
Bring me tie wa5-b-H.
'Whpt for, NASSAU"
II want to if ese bed-bugs pitt down their names
for this berth beforeI did II not want EN- put out"
my dear wife, wish you would try to keep your
temper"
''ily dear hIlsban5, ] wish you woud try to get rid
cf yours.
II sce inada th4 1t thc fools are not ill dead yet"
"If they weFe, sid. You would not be alive to tell
of it,"
Prudence, through tie ground of misery, cuts river
of patience where the mind swms in boats Of tranquil
ty along the stream of life until she arrives the ha
ven Of DEATH where hi streams meet.
The power df dreams force the infinite into the cham
bers of the human brain and throws dim reflections
from the etersities upon the mirrors Of the sleeping
mind
The study of literature nourishes youth, entertains
M a4" HE prosperity, solaces adversely it is de-
n..u .Ee unDbtrusive abroad; deserts not BY
+. u ag in journey nor in retirement.
E0 present trubs trem attacking peach trees, place
a.5uu ri, above the ground, the dust and
ID should be the the tomb Of her hus-
nt .a HID hs character far more valuable in
... .srut Than his life
a.. IS u less sensible of cold on a bright day
than on cloudy one thus the sunshine of cheerfulness
and hope will Tighten every trouble.
When man takes more pleasure in earning money
than spending HI bel has taken the first step toward
wealth.
To be happy, the passions must be cheerful and gay
not gloomy ana melacnoly. propensity to hope and
real rice: one to fear and sorrow real poverty
The Bungtogn Banner and Bugle says: "The price
Of liberty ete1aa vigilance; the price Of the Buge i
50 80 per annum."
1t is the opinion of western editor that wood goes
further when left out 5f doors than when we'll housed
He saws that some of his went half a mile
Sterne insiHU8tes that attorneys lawyers what
apohecaries ard physicians they do not deal
in scruples.
,"Well Jem, Fhatisa commentator t'WhyI sup
pose it must be she cononest of all aters, the
ready reply"
Mrs. Fartingtbu, speaking Of tue rapid manner in
which deeds areEperpeIated said that it only required
two seconds to fight duel
THAT notion Is out of order" as the chairman of
political meeting said when he rulfian raising his
az. II have ,a'0 tarntd mally romans head boosted
Young noblema4 of France Yes replied Talley
rand, ''away from you
To prevent tile smell of cooking in house-baye
nothing for breakfast and warm it over for dinner and
supper.
Which one Of the planets is supposed 70 have the
most specie2 The moon, because she i continually
changing quartefs IL
Dr. Syntax is Df opinion that in Cuba the heat OF the
weather must bd greatly modified after the introduce
ton of so manwI coolies.
The law should be te the sword what tle handle Is to
The hatche it should direct the stroke and temper the
force.
Never purchase love- or friendship by quits; Wheh
thus obtained they are lost as rs you stop pay
ment.
On being shown portrait Of himself, very unlike
The original Hold said that the artist had perperated
J false Hood
what do vo1nA ladies' lnok for in church, The hlns