The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-05-29
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMs,,am
= A water.cure .phrsician-Doctor .

ni - What sea separates Boston from
Lynng Chelsea. 10 rft~ .3r.1 edl
IT, Motto for com-gatbercrs: 4" Lend
me your ears" 5ya5ba54 nj e,s o,gJ3 II
!, = If you want 10 know whether a tree
is bollow--Axe it.
- What did Adam first plant in the
garden of Eden9 His foot. t..,........
= The man who was torn BY conflict
ing emotions is now sewed up.
= Laugh at no man for his pug nose
You cant tell what may turn up.
= Why is ships crew like bomb
shell! Because, when discharged they go
on a bust +2i fi .'''' -
= Virginia boasts Of being the moth
er Of Kentucky, but we guess Kentucky's
mother will never know she's out. nfJb
= Manageable ladies should make
point of frequenting the opera, where they
are sure to have overtures. ,a .1 .uli 4
- Fun is worthmore than physic and
whoever invents or discovers new sup
ply deserves the name Of a public bene-
factor.
= An iguorant man who Z" stands up
on bis dignity" is like the fellow who
tried to elevate himself by standing upon
piece of brown paper. ! a.' rsdi 'fo.n
90 What is the difference between
good soldier and a fashionable young Ia
dy One faces the powder, and the 9TH
er Powuhers ING iace' 'ial7 ahu1 .as aol
49, The proprietor of bone mill adver-
tises that those sending their own bones
to be ground will be attended to with
punctuality aud despatch. '' 30 ''''' %.
= A little fellow one day nou-plussed
his mother by making the following in
quiry: MMother, if a. man, is mister,
aint a woman a MYSTERY :" q ,e,a,Y,IJ foa
5a--4 A wag being asked The name of the
inventor Of butter stamps, replied that it
was pre- badly Cadmus as he first brought
letters into Greece.
= In the olden time they counted sew
en- wise men. Now, take men at their
own value, and you won't fud half that
number of fools. i5iI t9Uga7 pf"t
- 1t has been decided that n blind
black man, in dark cellar, with dark
lantern, looking for blind black, cat, con-
stitutes a veay dark transaction. '...,
I'D, = Never hirt with young widow who
calls you by your Christian pame,the sec
ond time you meet her unless, YOU have
quite made up your mind to The worst.
-. A good question for debating so.
ciety (Which is the most delightful OPP
Grafton, TO kiss a fair woman on a dark
night, or dark woman on fair night n
j - Instead of retaliating upon the man
who calls you q villain, a liar, or thief,
coolly inform him that you have not suf-
ficient confidence in his veracity TO believe
him. = .-'.t .''.. .'' .'
- A red noscd gentleman asked wit
whether he believed in spirits. "Ah, sir"
replied he, looking him full in the face,
81 see too much evidence before me to
doubt it," ~ ...,.....r ..tl
"A boozy fellow was observed, the 9th
er day, driving porker, holding OH 10 his
tail, and when asked what he was doing
replied that he was studying ge,hogra-
ply" on pa" .I"'aa Cd, 's7a. '1 $500.
'--- A very pious old gentleman told
his sons not to 90, under any circumstan-
ces, a fishing on the Sabbath; but, if they
did, by all means to bring homo the fish
they caught.
=. A quaker said to q gunner, "Friend,
| counsel no bloodshed; but if il be thy
design TO hit the little man in the blue
jacket, point thine engine three inches
lower. ,.I..
',5- Patrick Manfnagan, with wheel
barrow, ran race with locomotive
AS the latter went out of sight, Pat OBJ
served, "Aff wild We, ye roarin' black
guard, or III be afther runnin' into yees!"
= An Irishman who was engaged at
drain, had his picksxe raised in the air
just as the clock struck twelve, determin-
ed to work no more till after dinner, let
90 the pickaxe and left il hanging there.
- One day, at a farm house, a wag saw
an old gobler trying TO eat the strings of
some night-caps that lay on the ground
to bleach. "Tbat," said he, " is what |
call introducing cotton into Turkey"
. = An old soaker being found in gut
ter one wet night, the water making a
clean breech over him from head to foot,
was asked by passer what he was doing
there, "O," said he, ~ agreed to meet a
man here" I ~ d
A Yankee proposes to build an es-
tablishment which he may drive a sheep
in at one end, and have it come out a'
the other rs four quarters Of mutton, d
felt hat, a pair Of drawers, leather apron