The Placer herald. [volume] (Auburn, Placer County, Calif.) 1855-1991, 1861-10-26
"Fatty" Playing Soldier.


of The Home Guard corps. He is one of
the kind who 'lard the earth while march.
no. and the BOYS have much fun with him.
the tat man has recently written an account
of his adventures. He ssys:
The drill is very severe on me this hot
weather, although am allowed an attend
ant with a fan and pitcher of ice water.
| am constantly reminded that one of the
first requirements Of a soldier is to throw
ont his chest and draw in his stomach.
Having been burned out several times while
occupying rooms in an atir, | have had com
siderable practice in "throwing out my chest"
bu, 10y what system Of exercise could ever
hope to draw in my enormous stomach? |
cant "dress up" us no use trying. II my
vest buttons are in line | am Tar in the rear,
and if toe the mark fearful bulge ndi.
Gates my position. There is no room for
argument in regard to my seniimen,s-
everybody can see Al Q Iance where stand,
One evening we had II new drill sergeant
who WAS near,syhte /! Runnn. his eye
eve own HE line, he exclaimed sharply:
"Whal is Ia, man doing in the ranks
with bass drum!"
was the surplus ST. mech tba, | couldn't
draw in.
am the butt of numher!ess jokes AS you
may well suppose. They have got story
in tie Guards that VIXEN | first heard the
command "order arms." | dropped my
muskel, and taking out my note book began
to draw an order on The Governor for what
arms wanted. They say | ordered Win
ans steam gun, with a pair Of Dahlgren how.
tiers for side arms! Base fabritaters! Ny
ambition never extended beyond a rhed
cannon, and they knew it.
Although in respect 10 size | belong to
The 'hea,ies," my preference is for the light
infantry service. My knapsack is marked
light infantry. One evening the spectators
seemed convulsed about something, and
my comrades Uttered by pla'oons whenever
my back was turned. 1t was all a mystery
to me until laid off my knapsack. Some
wretch had erased the two final letters, and
| had cen parading ali the evening labelled
Light Infan!"
The above is one of the thousand annoy
ances to which am subjected, and nothing
but my consuming patriotism could ever in
duce me to submit to it. | rallied to the
call of my country and am not to be
put out by the "raIlying" Of my comrades.
| overheard spectator inquire of the drill
sergeant one day:
"Do YOU drill the whole of him at once''
mo" he returned in an awful whisper,
81 drill him by squadS!"
| would have drilled him if | had had a
bayonet.
specifications have been published in re.
gard to my uniform, and contractors adver
tised for The making will be let out to
the lowest bidder. In case the Guards a"e
ordcredro take the field, special comnis
sary will be detailed TO supply my rallons,
Tha, reminds Inc of narrowing incident
On last drill night an old farmer who drop
ped in to see us drill, took me aside, and
said he wanted to sell me a yoke OF powerful
oxen.
INV ancient agrirulturst," said l, smiling
at his simplicity, 81 have no use for oxen
"Perhaps not at present" quolh he, "bul
if YOU 90 to war you will want them"
For what" said considerably annoyed.
"Wan, 'en to draw your ralons!"
The Guards paid me a delicate compliment
at the last meeting. They elected me
Child of the Regiment" with the rank Of
First Compliant" and the pay of chief
BLOWER" was about to return thanks
in a neat and appropriate speech, when a
reporter who was present assured me 1t was
M use-he lad got the whole thing in type,
speech and all, and | could read 1t IN the
evening paper. He said they kept meat
and appropriate speech" standing IN type
continually. got his views and held my
Such soldiers never retreat. They would
d;e first forced march would have no
charms for them If the day was hot.
Nou York ON