Delaware State journal and statesman., 1861-10-22

and make yourselves our equals
We should have to blow our brains out to do
that, replied one Of them.
A gentleman just returned to this country
from tour in Europe, was asked how he liked
the ruins Of Pompeii?
Not very wel,' was the reply, they are so
much out Of repair
Papa, have guns got legs
How do they kick, thon9'
With their breeches.
Henry, you ought to be ashamed to throw
away bread like that You may want it some
day.
Well, mother, would stand any better
chance OF getting ii then If l shonld eat /, up
now I?
There is young lady in Boston so refined in
language that she never uses the word black
guard, but substitutes African sentinel"
1t seems that one gay Lothario, in crossing
the room to request Bridgets hand in the next
reel, stumbled over the outslretched foot Of
Terence odrady, who promptly arose, and in
the politest manner, said:
beg your pardon, SIR
No Otience-nO offence sir at all i" regponded
the other, it was my fault
btg your pardon, Bir, 1t was my fault en-
trely, was the response, accompanied with
graceful bend Of the body and wave of the hand.
No, sir answered Nisther O'ToOle, you're
entirely in the wrong sir; tell ye it was alto
gether my falt =
Il tell ye il was not. SIR RESPONDED Nlis,her
lie sir p
Bad luck to ye, sir; dye name to say I'd be
telling lie, sir, when l tel ye It wasn't yer
fault, responded OToole, quite wrothy.
Il, , naa iue5 10 yer breeding ye iguorant pol
Nv me in manners? !? shouted Msther OGrady,
as with a Zip and.a blow he Land the unfortunate
O'Ioole AZ fiat as pan cake. The latter rallied
and rough and tumble fight ensuei, whieh
ended in the expulsion of both jinuemen from
the ball room.
What miss will ruin any mani Mis.manage-
ment What miss always makes her lover 20
astrays Mis-lead.
Husbands and letter paper should be well
ruled,
If man is dissipated, his fortunes will soon
be SO too.
What seaAwouli make sleeping room A
dry attic (Adristic.l
When you dispute with fool, he is cry GER.
tain TO be similarly employed.
When two gentlemen fight duel, each of them
is man after the others heart.
man may generally expect domestic
breeze when his wife begins to put on airs.
Why is a selfish friend like the letter P? Be-
cause, though the first in pity, be is the last III
help
The wise carry their knowledge as they do
their watches-nOt for display, but for their own
use.
Why is the letter G like an individual who has
left an evening party Because it makes one
gone.
When is the letter like piece of unparallel-
ed generosity? When il enables a lady to make
over lover.
retired schoolmaster excuses his passion for
angling, by saying that, from constant habit he
never feels quite himself, unless he is handling
the rod.
Why is a chimney sweep like lucky player
at whist Because be has the suit (soot) in his
own hand.
An apprentice who had been misbehaving one
Jay came in for a chastisement, during which
ms master exclaimed, How long will you serve
the devilr The boy replied, You know best
Sir; believe my indeuture will be out in three
mouths
An eminent counsel was employed in an action
against the prOprietors OF the Rockingham
Coach. On the part OF the defendant the coach
man was called. His examlnation-in.chief being
ended, he was subject to the leaders, cross
examination. Having held up the fore-fnger of
MS right hand at the witness, and warning him
TO give ''precse answer" to every question,
and not TO talk about what he might think the
question meant, he proceeded thus -
You drive the Rockingham Couch =
No sir; do not
Why, mau, did you not tell my learned friend
so this momentf'
No sir did not
Nov, sir, put it to you-I put it to you
upon your oath-do you not drive the Rocking
ham Coach?
No, sir; drive the horsesP
John Randolph, the celebrated orator aud
statesman, was In a tavern lying on a sofa in The
parlor Whiting for the stage to come to the door
A dandifed chap stepped into the room with
whip in his hand, jus. come from q drive, and
standing before the mnror, arranged his hair
and collar, quite unconscious Of the presence Of
the gentleman on the sofa. After attitsdInzing
while, he turned to go out, when Mr., Randolph
asked him
Has the stage come p
Stage, sir, stage T said the fop; I've moth.
ing to do with it, SIR
'Oh beg your pardon, said Randolph,
quietly; 1 thought you were the driver'
sambO, is your master a good farmerl'
yes, massa. fuss rate farmer he make
How is that, Sambo p
'Why, be sell all his hay in-de fall, and make
money once; den in de spring he sell de hides
Of de cattle dat die for want Of de hay. and
make money twice
A man whom Dr. johnson once reproved for
following useless and demoralizing business.
ssid-' You know, Doctor that | must live"
The brave old hater of everything mean and
hateful coolly replied that he did not "see the
least necessity for that"
Model wives formerly took s'stitch in tiue;n
now, with the mid of sewing machines, they take
one in no time.
A young lady at Niagara was heard to exclaim
What an elegant trimming that Rainbow would
make for white lace overdress.'
Down East they put fellow in Jail for swim
ding. The audsci0us chap had dried snow and
sold it for salt
People live uncommon long at Brighton.
There are TWO men there so old that they have
forgotten who they ere, and there is nobody
alive who can remember it for them.
Why is hne woman like locomotive
Because she draws train after her, scatters the
sparks, transports the mails (malcs,) and makes
us forget time and space
Rousseau used to say, that to write good
love letter you ought to begin without knowing
what you are going to say, and to finish without
knowing what you have written.
French princess being told that the poor in
Paris were dying of starvation, said - What
silly people before I'd starye, I'd eat brown
bread and mutten."
File rightr said an officer to his company.
{ Bedad, said an Irishman, who stood near by,
his saw its me own property. and