The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1861-02-21
WHAT NOT?

man is valued as he makes himself vala-
able.
Why is fool like twenty hundred weight?
Because he's a simple-ton.
When was Charles the Second the most like
race horse? When he ran for the, Oaks.
A Cockncy says.-After people havevisited
the aunts of dissipation, they usually visi
their uncles.
:" The rich eat venison because il ish deer;
eat mutton because it is sheep" as Mordecai
said
A man out West has in contemplation an
eight day clock to run sixteen days, and give
two gallons of milk every day.
When You visit theatre or go into a crowd.
always pick your own pockets before leaving
home.
Suppose governor has 91,OOO year, and
one son of twenty-one years of age, how much
allowance for indiscretion of youth ouQ hit he to
make annually?
The advertisement Of doctor who under
takes the cure Of madness, begins with the fol-
lowing words -" Worthy the attention Of the
insane"
" Fifty cents, if you please, sir" said a
WAITER What for, play ?" Backing your
boots, sir )" " Why, mine are patent feathers. y
Principles the same, sir l would have
blackened them, sure, if they hadn't been"
1t is custom airy with some young ladies to
divine future events by inspecting the sedi-
ment in the bottom of breakfast cup, and
they will actually build their hopes of getting
husband on no better grounds than those of
tea or coffee.
A vagrant called at a house on a Sunday.
and begged for some cider. The lady refused
to give him any, and he reminded her of the
oft quoted remark, C that she might enterta ain
angels unawares." Yes" said she, "but
angels don't go about drinking cider en- Sun
days"
Figures won't le," is an old and homely
expression, but few men cansook upon fash.
iouable woman's figure now a-days and say as
much.
1t is bad sign to see man with his hat off,
at midnight, explaining the theories and prin-
ciples of ony political party to lamp post
A husband telegraphed to his wife, " what
have you for breakfast, and how is the baby +? "
The answer came, "buckwbeat cakes and the
measles.
Mr. Harris was never more s-ssoher in the
course his life, but when his friend Jones
asked him to take chair he said he would
"wait till one came round"
The Chinese have saying that only fools
and beggars feel the cold" The one haze not
the wit to clothe adequately, the other is too
poor to provide the necessary clothing.
Women can easily preserve their youth for
! she who captivates the heart and understand
ing never grows old.
plows, l sows, ! reaps, mows. 1 gets up
wood for winter; l digs, l hows, and taters
grows, and foi aught l knows, l owes the
printer. l do suppose all knowledge flows
right from the printing press so off | goes in
these ere clothes, to settle up-I guess.
An IrishmaD, who was troubled with the
tootlache, determined to have all old offsnde,
extracted but there being no dentist near. he
resolved to do the job himself; whereupon he
SLED the excavation with powder, being afraid
to touch it off, he put slow match to il, lighted
1t, and then ran sround corner to get cut Of
the way
That which thou hast to do, do it with all
thy might" said cler gyman to his son one
morning, $50 did )" said Bill with an enthn.
siastic CLEAN in his eyes. "What was it dar-
ling ?" and the fathers finger played in his off
springs curls. Why, l walloped Jack Ed
wards M ne yelled you should have just heard
i him holler, dad"
How TO PROSPER IN BUsINEss.-In tho
first place, make up your mind to accomnlisb
whatever you undertake; decide upon some
particular employment, and persevere in It All
ditheulnes are overcome by diligence and asst
duty.
Be not afraid to work with your hands and
diligently too. cat in gloves catches no mics
de VINO remains in the mill grinds; net he who
goes and comes. ~ 4'S
:, Attend to business never trust any one elsa
pot that belongs to too many is ill-stirred and
worse boiled. :" AiiO
Be frugal. That which will not make M,
will make pot lid. Save the pence and The
pounds will take care of themselves.
be abstemious. Who dainties love shall beg
gars prove. '0s
Rise early The sleepy fox catches no pOul
, try. F"'
Flow deep, while sluggards sleep, and yer
VIII have corn to sell and keep.
Il treat every one with respect and ciyilitv-
tesy. -''' " '0U'
GOOD manners insure success
never anticipate wealth from any other sourc,
= Than labor especially never place dependenc,
upon becoming the possessor of an inheritance
he VINO waits for dead mems shoes, NAV bsv
f to go long time barefoot. He who runs afts
a shadow hath a Wea risomeraee.
Above all things. never despair. God !
where he was he helps those who truly trus
in him.