The Van Buren press., 1861-01-04

the nobie-heartet Bangs IL Co. designed
&c benefit /; aud this letter was also intend
ei for me, in case the Ole at yoGr fee, had
not reached its destination" Ny knCclslcs
ceased to pain NE.
T" Perhaps the whole batch were intended
intended for the e'ninen. 1ago Pricio Evans
co. NJ. ID =" he remarked, sarcasticaliy. at
tue same time euptying u huge pocket.
(Tom was always remarkable for two &C.
cen,riciiies, an unciaritable inclination to
pry into motives. and the wearing of enor-
nous pockets.) My table was we'll nigh
covered. | cas-; my eyes over the super
scripiions. aud found that every man and
boy in the town and surrounding country
had rereivei letter
''Helio !" exclaimed "wha. have wo
ias.e : Bean ss,ht;.5 the Post-osioe ?''
"Dpea taa,a," vas .a- :epiy
hastily compliei ana as strange as it
may appear to You. my dear. dear Bangs,
II Is no less irnc than TRANCE, thar every
one az the mi-s.es was :. precise copy Of
nay much cherished document. Yes. my
best, any most genesoue, iny noble, whole
s,n!ed Eiend, not only III, same PROPOSE
tions were male to ei h and every individ-
ual; but the same confidential feature was
preserved.
" This is stupcndous mistake" L OBJ
served.
AN attempt a. a s.npenfous fraul!'
replied tho cynical. sharp nosed, ke.n-eyei
prominent chineI, par:hment-iipped law
yer; aud his mouth described the upper
half Of u circle.
'' You will my gool friend, Dr.. Noodle.
acknowledge"
- That have borne your impcrtireuee
too long. already, you--you-"
Aud dear BaI IS. fired by an honst indig.
nation, my tongue refused iis office. and
my lists We're about 10 undertake tue v.nii
cation Bangs x Co. well rs OF my.
self, when couple OF iai-s entered iny
'esesra ell san tuni. sans cercmoa;e could
not act ruste!y iii the e,ence ui ladies'.
even IN your eause, dear Bangs. and relax
ell tae muscles oi my ia ,e-a, wei a, those
oi my arns--ihe vi ii int contractions of
which, had produced inn. ,nerlole wr.uslcs
and many ugly contortio
La, me. Doclor !" ex xtai,nei one of
the lair creatures { l am great admirer
OF beauty, my dear Col. Bang, and il will
under ordinary circum. an e., exercise nv
DAD spirit in q thinking.
- Well, de ARE" sac continued, "you
have bushcl OF letters. But | am In u
great hur r. l want your assistance. l
have iac.!tly received u polite com N unica-
iion from bang u Co., all the way from
MsTylanI, maniug me an astouuding pro-
posa. Here. cad the letter. You are nv
ola family phys.cian, al Il contiie in YOU.
La me, Doctor dou't laugh at NE: What
can Bangs ANA ms partne., wonder what
big : eIag is nloan Icy. singing me ont
ou perceive, she contiIrIcu, teckoning
me to corner, that he ,uanusr IN which
he d.sconrseS, iii regard t. the four thous-
and dollar business, leaves scarcely any
room TO doubt iny success in obtaining it
but, should such u inishap occur, he offers
TO send me second Juu packoge But it
Is IN respect 10 thiS second package l wish
your advice. l want you TO 30 me the ia.
vor to write to him and learn, en- phatically
the proodbte fate OF tins extra package. It
would probably be improper for me- to write
myself, until further developments. And,
Doctor. you will also perceive that he re-
poses the utmost confidence in my discre-
ton ; he writes coniidentialIy. Explain
all to him. Bless NE l wonder what his
next proposition will be LA, hs. la, ha
lll'naturcd folks. you know, call me an old
maid, but cannot help peopla slandcring
me. Please speak oil me as young lady
You know have on!y lost half dozen
teeth, an; those l have had inserted, are
equal in beauty and durability 10 the na,u-
raj ones" So saying. She fitted ont and
left the with my lauceolste- nose companion
"Come. Doctor. a Knowledge that you
are noo..le ana thai big Bang, & Co.
are firm of dirty swildicrs. They wan.
your $50. o! course you would fail TO
draw the 81 900, in which case you would
receive another package. which would also
fail to draw u prize. They would have
your twenty dollars io- the tridins expense
of a little stationery AMI postage"
| Now, my dear Gen Bangs no one likes
to be called noo!le to his face and that.
together with my exceeding perplexity at
the multltudiGOus letters. " all of the same
date aud tenor," caused me TO lose my equa-
nimity.
" You Internal pattifogger," l exclsim.
ed. throwing myself involun.a:;:,.y into
bcigeren; pugilistic Gttit..ce; "another
sentence from your slr..darous lips respect
ing my munilicent ,rienl Gen. Rangs 4; Co.
end hnrl you from my room !" Anal
advanced .ia re.Tcatei. reiterated pet
taoSge.r :" he retote g Guaek - and just
'h,n, aver. co;.id have reached his yi!s
ic0fpnfoSlty. "A 'uft iaNt tN p-h.si WIN .
hearty good VIII, portion nl s,..rn;,,s mus.
cnar contra tili;y w.,aa had seen rao;Aly
ecrTnniatip.s rom hsh,y CHI rgel battery.
, t.eaSe write AMI exp.n tas ra.iono!e o.
the singn!ar mistake Cor ,rch it ,aus. have
, been. ara confident. Sore | am that sero
yon acquainted personally with some OF
those to whom you have ", iitsn you woali
not, Tor moment. rep,a,s conf len1e in
them. mrch less make them partakers ..
yonr miIi:iiirent libe e.a.ity.
Il Ny dear Mai. Gien Bangs. an dctern,-
e.i not to be out,one in iiberaiisy, even by
SanSs dS Co, AMI therefore n!sss you the
following proposition. II you will send
ire pa Rage on a two months credit and
soon aftsrthe lrawingis is accomplished trans
nit 20 me- four thousand dollars, will ex-
pend in your establishment eigh. hundred
dollars; or If two thousand dollars are
sent me. will purchase OF you fonr hund-
red dollars in tickets. l assure YOU that
Immediately after the reception OF the four
,honsana dollar draft. or the moie,y of that
isum--two thousani doliars-the fact shall
be promulgated over The land. as well for
the benefit of the pubiic as 10, that Of
: Bangs T. Co. Gratefully.