The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1861-09-11
Certificate from a Patent n e edicfdc siax


Certificate from a Patent redicidc Siak
1.-The editor ing''
We were leaning back in our chair, dream
lily building castles on the "inonied basis"
of one dollar bill, which a delinquent had
found it in heart to pay in, in that comforta.
BILE state Of mind between a "whale and
doze" Our feet were elevated upon the
fender, and a promise Of another war,I
meal during the week.
editor, siry"
"Ycs, sir"
"Well, you are the fcll,r I want to sec.
I'm Prof. Quackem, of the Swashville Med
excl Insttoot, the inventor and sole PRO
prietor of new medicine, the Great Horse
Power Catherine, or liar Invigeratur. Ever
hearn on the article bcrurey'
"Have not"
swell I-haint but just found it out my.
self, but it goes like ginger. 1t never fails.
I'm sending it to all parts of the kontenant:
besides to South Amerky and other places.
1t keeps in all climates. Everybody buys
it-cverybody has har after they have tried
it. But here are some certifikits-all well
authenticated, know 'cm all myself. May
be you'll look at emp
The little man handed us well worn
copy of the "Swashville Daily Bugle." The
leader was devoted to the new discovery:
ave boldly, fearlessly, unhesitatingly pro-
nouncc it the diskivery of the age. We
have been bald from our birth, owing to
certain troubles, but once using the invigo.
rator kiyered our head with dense growth
Of har. Our fricn,!s arc all astonished.-,
Had the prophet known Of this he would
not have been called old bald head by tho
little ones, and forty and two Of the littlo
hopcfuls tore into slivers by bears. We
will Let the Prof speak for himscl':
"Thc way diskivered this wonderful
medicine was in this wise: I'd been out
hucklebcrry'n, and when going home thr o
the back pasture, where keep old Brindlo
and Bob, my tew milking anelnulS, got
kind o tired like, and sot down on buncls
Of weeds. They felt queer, and rubbed
some of them between my fingers. In less
than ten minutes my forefnger and thum
were kivered with fur full out an inch long,
Yol may we'll think that this astonisheti
me. tried the weed on the other hand,
and it produced har there. too. l jumped
up from where | was sittin' and what
sight My new drab doeskin pantaloons.
looked like the rump of u buffalo, with har
tlroo inches long l did make for home
tried the weed next day on the door stone
with great effect, producing a thick mat of
mouse colorcd har in thirty minutes. !
tried it on the chairs in the house, and pro.
duced magnificent har cushions. Flowing
up the weeds, the mould board Of the plow
looked like a stee-gray muskrat, with han
dies to him. In digging cut wo"dchuck'
| accidentally laid my iron bar upon the
Iva f(o ~
kivcred with har; and however incrcdibit
it may seem, kept that woodcbuck several
DAYS, and took twcnty-sevcn full grown
woodchuck skins, and full coat of har ui,
all of 'em! Cne of our Shanghai heus
made nest and sot in the same weed. Her
eggs were covered with har, and the chick
ems came out with long har on 'cm! was
sure that such a weed must be powerful,
and so billed some ont down. The dish
kettle was kivercd with long, jet black har.
kept on experimental, and by kemical
nominations, produced the Invigorator,
purely vegetable ard always sure. have
seventy five thousand certifkts from the
bald headed of all countries but will read
you only few:
"PRoF. QUAcKEM. This may certify that
I have always been bald, and have used
up barrel of commcn hair dye acc-
dcntally heard of your Invigorator, and
purchased bottle and carried it home is
my overcoat pocket. The pocket was full
of hair when got home! l took the bot
tie and held it in the sun, where the shadow
fell on my head. A thick head of chestnut
colored hair grew out in thirty minutes, by
the watch, all curled and perfumcd. Send
me twenty bottles by return mail The cali
for the Invigorator is unprecedented. 4
ncighbor of mine"
Excuse us, Prof." said we, (thinking
that one half Of seventyive thousand, OF
that description, would be rather tedious to
listen to, in-as-much as our time was valua-
ble, 'to-day, and call again.