The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1861-05-24

VOL. A. NO. 4L
u The girl of my heart Oyster Patty.
-
IL When is SICK man contradiction g.
When he is an impatient patient.
% Don't cry, little boy Did he hit YOU
on purposes" "No sir-he bit me on the head. ;"
~ Read not books alone, but men and
chiefly, be careful to read thyself.
rNo woman is capable of being beauti-
fol who is not incapable of being false.
GA man passes for sage II he seeks for
wisdom II he THINKS he has found it. he is
fool.
O-The miser lives poor TO die rich, and is
| the jailer ofhis house and the turnkey of his
wealth.
| IThe light of friendship is like the light
of phosPhorus-seen plainest when all around
is dark.
Happiness must arise from our own tenn
per and actIons, and not Immediately from any
external conditions.
WA man's..nature runs either 10 herbs or
weeds, therefore lei him seasonably water the
one and destroy the other.
I'd feel" said an old lady, ssthat I've got
| about through with this world. shan't enjoy
much more trouble"
c~Love IS our best gift TO our fellow be-
ings, and that when makes any gift valuable in
the sight of heaven.
q The following bill rendered by carpen-
Ter to farmer, for whom he had worked, seems
at least, curious 90 To hanging two barn doors
and myself seven hours, one dollar and half"
That was fearful Jest of Lord Norbury'S, on
sentencing to death a thief who had stolen
watch; " you made a grasp at time, my lad,
but you clutched eternity" !"
NJ can show thee man whom thou must
not initiate. He hath always an hundred
things begun, and finished not one; so he new
er does anything, though he be everlasting
busy.
70 A man was suspected Of stealing a horse
and was arrested " What am I taken for 20
he inquired of the Sheriff. &c take you for
horse was the reply !" whereupon he kicked the
Sheriff over and ran off.
GyOf truth, home without gil is on
ly half blest it is an orchard without blossoms,
and spring without song. A house full of
sons is like Lebanon with ITS cedars, but daugh-
terS by the fireslde are like roses in Sharon.
~" Henry, you ought to be ashamed to
throw away bread like that. You may want 1t
someday."
Well, mother, would / stand any better
chance oi getting il then, il | should eat 1t up
now Z"
G%An Irishman having looking glass in
one hand shut his eyes and placed it before bis
face. Another asked HIM why he did so.-
''Upon my sowl," replied Teddy, ''it's to see
how look whn I'm aslape."
W-" Tom, you sot," said temperance man
to tIppling friend, s'what makes you drink
such stuff as you do? Why the very hogs
wouldn't touch that brandy"
That's cause they's brutes," said Tom 9
q Poor creaturs, They dunno watts good %
WANrED-MaterisI aid for constructing a
Ilte-boat that will float on "a sea of trouble"
rise on the waves OF MISFORTUNE" stem the
60 tide OF adversity," sail clear OF the f' quick
sands of error," and steer safely 10 the 4" haven
Of rest"
'- A Physician at Cincinnati, had for some
time been annoyed by depredators who drank
up the milk left al his door at an early hour
One day, recently, be put an emetic in the
pitcher, and, soon after the milkman had passed
The doctor found policeman in nelghboring
alley, making his returns"
10 An old Dutch lady, at a religious meet
rg became very much concerned for her soul,
and went about signing and would not be COM
orted. Upon being asked by the minister what
he matter was, she replied
"That she could not read English and she
vas afraid the Lord couldn't understand Dutch"
UA young lady, in reply to her fathers
question why she did no, wear rings upon her
ingers, said
"Because, papa, they hurt me when anybody
queezes my hand" "What business have you
o have your hand squeezed % "Certainly
none, but still you know papa, one would like
o keep in squeezable ORDER"
70 A young lady once had beau. One
evening said beau was anxious to enjoy some
private conversation with his charmer; but,
here being two children in the room. somewhat
narred his wishes The gentleman looked 10
'ee them sent to bed, but he was disappointed.
The youngest child, bow three years old, slept
with the young lady and had no idea of retiring
mil hout his hed-frllow Sfratching h;O chnhby