Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1861-03-17


"a besutiful day, Mr.. Jenkins" eyes,
VERY PLEASANT indeed" "Good day for The
raee.D "Raee-what race?D @The human
race "Oh, 60 long with your stupid iokes
get up a good one, ike tbs one With which I
sold day.1 "Day-what day2 . a0The day
we celebrate, " said Jenkins, who went on bis
way rejoicing.
In Fanny Ferns way Of thinking, ale must
have q beard WhiBkers, as the gods please.
but a beard / insist upon, else one might as
well look at a girl. Let bis voice have 4 dash
Of Niagara, With the music Of a baby's laugh
IN it. Let bis smile BE- like the breaking forth
OF The sunshine OF a spring morning. A to
bis figure Il should be strong enough TO con-
tend with a man, and slight enough to tremble
In he presence Of the woman be lsves.D what
glri would ike TO msrry q man with "a dash Of
Niagara Ia his voice, and the "~breaking forth
Of The sunshineD around his lips?
Our devil ean't stand any longer the rsp.s-
ted assaults of "erussy old baehelorso mon
those ornaments (hoops) Of the divine ~institu-
ton, lwomanl and be thus expresses bis
"Pheelinks -
Ts slandsrsrs Z aspars them hoopsl
Touch narTF single ousf
II they get IN your way,
Do you inst cut and run.
"Lst womankiad exrand
Ysu have MT yet tc learn
thst yon can have your apreAf-
Dcn't interfere With bern.
"Doa't NEEDLE with such things.
Ne matter how they re worn
For whether great or small,
IT'S no concern Of yourn."
Somewhere on this "boundless continent,
ef ~"ours," a journal is published, called Mia
DiFs Gazette. The fair creature thus dis
courses Of the owner Of "Idlewild - an. P.
Willis ought to quit writing familiar let
ters' u be does not, they will be the ruin Of
him. For, perhaps, unknown to himself, they
are gradually laying his whole nature bare be-
fors the public, and 1t IL entirely too ugly a
nature to 90 uncovered"
Why do young ladies like cold weather ?
Because it brings the chaps to their lips.
A western editor, IN speaking Of a dandy's
dickey, says; at was scented and torn lik
a south wind after passing through a fence
made Of thorn bushes.o
An old farmer In Ohio was anxious to have
his minister dismissed, and was asked the rea.
son. "rFs heard say" was the reply, ",hai
a change OF pastors makes fat calves, and Pm
in for a change"
"Mister, how do you sell your beef THU
morning 2" sfWhy, fourteen cents a pound
how much will you have 20 Fourteen cents
Ell! Have you got a heart ?' "NO, Just solo
it," "Well, ] Just knowd you couldn't have {
heart and ak fourteen cents for beef"
A woman appeared in the court RI Louis
vile, recently, TO be appointed guardian 70
her child, when the following eolloquy snsued
"Whst estate has your child ?" "Plazs ysl
honor, I don't understand you" Judge"
say, what has she got ?o "Chills and fever
place yer honor"
A fellow on the raee-course was staggering
about with more liquor than be could carry
" Halloi what's the matter now?" said
chap whom the insbriated individual had jus
run against. WhY-hie-whY, the fact is,
lot Of my friends have been betting liquor Of
the race to-day, and they have got md to hol
the stakes.o
A reluctance ever to be characterized az Oh
I is a well known weakness Of the female sex
/ The R-v. Mr.. Robb, episcopal clergyman a
! St. Andrews, waited, shortly after bis ordina
tion, on the Hon. Miss Erskine, OF Kelly, on
. Of his congregational adherents. Miss Frs
3 kline was an octogenarian. After a few com
monplsees, Mr.. Robb exclaimed, al perceive
} madam, you're a very DID," a. perceive, sir
. rejOined the offended gentlewoman, YOU'RE
UsTy yOzng man.n
A physician calling one day on a gsntlema
who had been sorely afflicted with the gouI
2 found, to bis surprise, the disease gone, an
, the gentleman rejoicing in his recovery over
, bottle OF wine. Come along, doctor,0 ex
I claimed the vsletudinarian, "you are Just /
time TO taste THIS Dostle or MADEIRA; II i8 ID
first Of a pipe that has Just been preached.
"Ah," replied the doctor, +" those pipes Of Ma
deiTa will never do; they are the cause Of =
E your sufsrings." "Well, then" reJoined ID
: gay ineurable, "hll your glass, for now thE
we have found cut the cause, the sooner "
get rid Of it the better"
: a beautiful girl stepped into a shop to bu
a pair OF mits.
. How much are they?o
4 "Why,,' said the gallant but impudent elerl
! lost In gazing upon her sparkling eyes an
ruby lips, "you shall have them for a kiss
avery well" said the lady, pocketing Il
E mit's, while her eyes spoke daggers, sand as
4 see you give credit hire, charge it on yoJ
7 books, and LEI me know when you collect it
I and she hastily triPped out.
: A bailie of Cupar-Fife was possessed
considerable shrewdness. Two boys wei
0 brought before him charged with trespal
within the enclosure c. Craufurd Priory. Tt
{ prosecutor was the factor Of the late eecentr
D Lady Mary Lindsay Craufurd. The bailie hal
: ing aseertained that one Of the youths was
drummer from Edinburgh castle, and that th
other belonged to a guard-ship at Leith, gas
z each = shilling and told them to 20 home-on
, to his castle, and the other to bis cabin. "Au
now, said the magistrate, addressing the "a,
tor, "you may tell Lady Mary thar 1 have ser
, one Of the delinquents aboard a man-of-wai
and the other to be a soldier"
. I LOVE- TO SrEAL.-An amusing incider
: occurred in one Of our down-east churches,
, few weeks ago. The clergyman gave out ID
D hymn:
a. love 70 steal awhile away
= From EVBrT cumheriuu care