The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1861-05-31
Artomus Ward and tho Southern
Contederacy.
The show is Confisticated.

U hev perhaps wundered whercaoou''
was for these menny dasc gon and past.
Perhaps you sposcd Ido gone to the Toom OF
the Cappylets, tho I don't know no wot
them is. Its poplar noospaper frase.
Lissen to my tail, and be silent that yc
may here. I've been amung the seseshers, q
hcrnins my daily pck bi mi legitimat pro-
feshun, and hav'nt had no time to wceld
my facile pen for the " Crate Comick paper
II yool allow me to kerwote from your truth
ful advertisement.
Mi success was scaly, and likewise had
narrcr scapc of my life. If what I've been
threw is" Southern hospitality" bout
which we have hcarn 80 much, then l feel
boun to observe that they made too much
of me. They was altogether too lavish
with their attenshuns.
wen. among tho Seceshers with no feel
ins Of anermoSity. ! went in my periesh-
onal capacity. was actooated by wun oil
the most Loitiest desires which can swell
the Uman boozum, viz. to civ the people
their moneys worth. by showing them sa-
rashus Beests, and Wax Statoots which l
ycnter To say are onsurpast by any other
statoots anywhercs. I will not call that
man who says my statoots arc humbuss q
lier and hoss thief, but bring him Is me
and I'll withcr him with ono Of my skorn.
full frowns.
But to proceed with my tail. In my ira
wills threw the Sonny South, heard heap
of talk about Seceshin and Dustin up the
Union, but I didn't think 1t mounted to
nothin. Tho politicians in oil the villages
was swearin that Old Abe (somctimcs call
cd the Prahayric aower) shouldn't never bc
noggerated. They also made fools Of their
selves in varis ways, but as they was used to
that didn't lot 1t worry me much, and the
'' and Strips contnncred to wave over my
little tent. Moreover, l was u son Of Malty
and a member Of several other Temperance
societies, and my wife she was daughter
Of Malty an sposcd these facts would So
coor mo the inaucns and protection OF oil
the first famerlies. Alas! | was disappoiut-
cd. State after State scceshed and It grow
ed hotter and hotter for tho undcrsincd.
Things cum to climnacks in q small town
in Alabamy, where l was prcmptorily order
cd to haul down the '' and Strips. A dep
ytation Of red faced men cum up to the door
Of my tent where I was standing taking
money (the afternoon exhibition had COM
menst, an my ltalyun organist was jerkin
his sole stirrin chimes). 1--WE air cum,
sir" said lnillingtary man in ,ocked hat
upon hi and holy misshun. The South
ern eagle is screaming threvout this sunny
land-proudly and dehantly scrcamin, SIR"
" What's the matter with him." ser l.,
don't hh vittles cit well in his stomach y
Z" That eagle, sir. will continncr to scream
all over this Brite and trcmcnjus land"
Well, let him scream. II your eagle
can amuse himself by screaming, let him
WENT" The men annoyed me, for was
Biuzy maxim change.
"we mir cum. sir. upon matter Of doo'
ty-'
:. You're right. Capting. lt'severy mans
doo.y to visi. my show" l.
And that's the reron you are here I"
.es I, larfn one Of my silvery larf'. Thought
II he wanted to goak lde;givc him some Of
my sparkling eppygrams.
{" Sir, you're inserlcnt. The plain ques-
ton is, will you haul down the star-span'
glod banner, and hist the Southern aag!"