The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1861-07-27

coat-sleeves, prepared for my afternoons
work.
First, we dropped the curtain, for fear we
might have iLquisitive neighbours. took
table at one end Of the kitchen, bile Tom
took the one in the dining room, SO that we
should not interfere with each other. As I
stood considering what to put in the pie
crust, besides sugar, eggs, and allspice,
heard him saying to himself. ga pint of
eggs and six grains of sugar spice, and
then taste.'
"Here, Bob, here's an enigma for you to
solve: how in the world shall I weigh
pint of eggs, and count six grains of su-
gar 90
"Oh, that is easy enough-use the scale
for the eggs, and the microscope for the
sugar and for the spice, I should-4hink
ginger and cinnamon would do. really be-
lieve you don't know the first thing about
cooking: a pretty husband you would
make Don't forget the milk; you will find
it in the store room"
A smothered laugh came from the store
room, and a softly whispered ''Look here,
Bob" tip-toed along, expecting to find a
tiger or rattlesnake. but what a sight met
my eye There sat Miss Grimalkin and
her interesting family of four, tapping the
weapon was in great demand-and divorce
was granted between Mistress Broom and
Mr.. Handle-and our biscuit also fastened
the exit of the Grimalkin Junior 1.-TWO of
whom never after made their appearance,
while their affectionate mother made a shin
ming path through square of glass. AS
Tom was the errand boy, he took large
pitcher and went for more milk. While he
was gone, 1 amused myself by singing,
"Therell be no more sorrow there" when
to my sorrow the door-be rang, and being
directly over my head, was the cause of a
gymnastic exhibition, which closed with
a downfall of China, and with pantomimic
gestures. I stood amid the ruins, and
thought of the confusion of Babel. Ding,
ding, ding, went the bell, each peal louder
than the last. l could not go to the door,
for l was not dressed to receive callers. AS
l was creeping along, and when almost to
the door, stepped upon my apron, and
like dutiful subject obeyed the laws of
gravitation, and struck my head with such
force that l saw stars without looking for
them. heard laugh outside, and some
one said, "Oh, can wait: please put the
trunks on the steps," l groaned both men
tally and physically. Oh, if Tom would
only come, he could go to the door, for he
looked quite decent. Our caller, whoever
it might be, was determined to enter. sob,
Tom, why don't you come % and as if in an
swer to my wish, heard crash down be-
low.
1 ran down stairs, and there lay poor
Tom on his face, completely deluged with
milk-the pitcher broken and the fragments
scattered all over the floors treams of milk
running in all directions.
Il should think you ought to know bet
ter than to leave broomstick across the
doorway for fellow to tumble over here
I've spoilt my clothes, cut my nose. and I
can't say what internal injuries I have sus-
talned-aHd all through your carelessness.
If this is what you call housekeeping, I
must say that l am heartily sick of it. You
may finish that pudding won't touch it. )"
Hush, Tom don't speak so loud--if
you do we are ruined men. We have no
time to cry for split milk, for we have COM
pauy on the door steps, and they are deter
mined to gain entrance. There's that bell
again it's no use, might as well 60 to the
door"
1 took off my apron, smoothed my hair,
washed my hands, and put on my company
| face, while Tom went to his room to make
himself whole, leaving footprints by the
way, not such as Longfellow would have
US leave, to cheer the heart of forlorn
brother, but footsteps that an ambitious
brother might see, and, like his predeces-
sor. aspire to tread the milky way.
| / opened the door, and there stood the
haudsomest specimen of humanity my eyes
ever beheld. AS soon as she looked at me
she burst into hearty laugh, and when she
recovered her breath, laugh was intro
duced between every word, as she asked me
| if Mrs. c.. was at home. ''No. Miss, she
| is not at home, she is out of town."
stammered. ''She will not be gone long,
suppose, and can stop until she returns"
| Visions of broken China, split milk and
half baked pies hoated before me, and I
thought it no sin to tell one of Mrs. Opie's.
"She will probably be gone some time, six
weeks, believe
81 never knew aunt to stay so long from
home, but l must stop at least one night,
for it is past car time, and l cannot return
until Tomorrow What could do, sure
| ly was born under an unlucky star-be-
fore me was the niece, the heiress of whom
l heard such extravagant praises, and what
made me feel still more uncomfortable, was
the provoking smile that appeared whenever
she looked at me. / wondered what could
| De the cause Oh ner merrlment. surely IL
could not be me, who was called the finest
looking young man in town. Something
must be done, so invited the young lady
IN and excused myself. went TO Toms room
to see if he had survived his DOWNFALL
The exclamation that greeted me as open
ed the door was in no way fattering to my
pride-"My! Bob, you haven't been to the
door with that face?'' ''Of course have,
and served not only as door tender, but as
committee of arrangements. and introduced
the lady into the parlor, and am now wait
ing for you to go down with me and enter
tain her,"
'sOh dear, shall die; look in the glass,
Bob;'' and holding on to his sides he slid
from his chair to the door, and rolled over
and over with such velocity, that really
thought be had gone crazy. I looked in
the glass. Oh horrors, what a face presen-
ted itself My head looked as if it had
blossomed from the flour barrel; on my
| forehead were two marks, commonly called
beauty spots (but called them horrid spots
my nose. my beautiful nose. that was the
most marked feature of my-face-it looked