The constitutional union., 1861-02-01
ALI SORTS OF PARAGRAPHS.

WHEN does farmer act with great rude ness toward his corn? When lie pulls It's ears.
 A FALSE friend is like shadow on dial: it appears in clear weather, but vanishes as soon as cloud approaches.
 HE is a brave man who isn t afraid to wear old clothes until he is able to pay for new ones.
 WE admire the ladies because of their beauty, respect them because of their intelll- gence, and love them because we can't hell it. AN EXCHANGE wishes to know if the overt acts of Lincoln, so often referred to, is the ax he split rails with.
 WHO was it, who first introduced salt pro- visions into the navy? Noah; for he took Ham into the Ark.
 A YOUNG lady advertises for the man who C embraced an opportunity" and says if he will come over to their town he can do better. IN all noble enterprise the ladies are like the electric telegraph-far in advance of the males
 THE Fejee Islanders put charges into their guns according to the size of the person they intend to shoot at
 LET the first action of manhood be to gov ern your passions, for he who knows how to govern himself always becomes a faYorite with society.
 TIE success of Edmund About's Rome Comtemporaine increases daily, and 1t is pro- liounced the chief deuvre of this witty, yet profound writer
 THERE is girl of twenty-one in the prison at Morgantown, Virginia, who has become hopelessly insane from inordinate use ot tobacco.
 FINE METAPHoR.-E Edward Everett, in welcoming California to the Union, mention ed her as "Our little sister with the golden locks"
 During the past week 100000 pounds of poultry have been shipped by the Camden and Amboy railroad for the New York mar ket
 A LITTLE boy, returning from the Sunday school, said to his mother, < Ma, aint there a kitten-chism for little boys 7" This catechism is too hard.
 WHERE are you going?" Asked one It. tie boy of another, who had slipped and fallen on the icy pavement Going to get up, was the blunt reply.
 A LETTER from Melbourne. mentions that a sodid cake of gold, worth e9500, the pro- duce of the crushing of onlyten tons of quartz had been sold to the Bank of the New South Wales
 A FEMALE writer says nothing looks worse on a lady than darned stockings Allow us to observe that stockings that need darning, look great deal worse than darned ones daned if they don't
 A FARMER in Sutton, England, tried to kiss his housekeeper, and in the struggle, knocked her over and injured her spine to such an extent that E75 were required in a police court to mend 1t.
 LIEUT-CoLoNEL William Henry Walker has resigned his position in the United States army on the issue of resistance to Lincoln s inauguration He Was shot seven times in one day in Mexico
 A BURGLAR was once frightened out of his scheme of robbery by the sweet simplicity of a solitary spinstcr, who, putting her head out of the window, exclaimed, Now, arn't you ashamed v
 Sin.' said husband, speaking of his wife, lady whose mind Was exclusively de- voted to domestic affairs, < sir, she would have made a lumpIng of the apple that revealed the law ot groyi,acion to Ncwton'
 ALAwIEH once iocosely asked boarding house keeper the following question: 1lr --, if man gives you $5J0 to keep fol him. and he dies what do you do? 10 you pray for him Y :. No. sir he replied II pray for another like him."
 An, doctor, how is my wife to-day r The doctor shook his head and said. Tot must prepare for the worst.'
 What exclaimed the alarmed husband Is she likely to recoyer?"
 ''lIY GRACIOUS. P said Ike, " if some fairy would give me pair of wings, wouldn't 1 gc !, round among the plantets, though. I'd gC to Mars, and ' Eonus, and Jupiter, and--' :" And Satan, interrupted Mrs Partington and I'm afraid you'll go there withou wings"
 Tough, madam, tough, did you say 2 said an irasible boarder to the landlady, as h was trying to carve what was ostonsibly chicken. < Yes'm, and were I to give m, opinion IS to the fowl, should say 1t was olC enough to have scratched up the seeds 0 original sin, when they were first planted.
 A CLERGYMAN, who was adictcd to strong potations, having imbibed more than Us ua one day, his stomach rejected the overdose A member of his flock passing by at the time inquired what ailed him. The parson, win who was on his knees, wretched violently hiccuppzd out that it was only an outpourin; of the spirit.
 SOUND REAsoNING.-In a recent case fo assault, the defendant pleaded guilty. < think must be guilty" said he, becaus , the plaintiff and 1 were the only ones ther were in the room and the first thing kne, was that 1 was standing up, and he was dou bled over the table. You'd better call guilty"
 A SHARP PARIS DoDGE.-A dealer in dr goods in Paris, has engaged the services