Litchfield enquirer., 1861-05-23
From Vanity Fairl ARTEMUS WARD IN THE SOUTHERN CONFEDERACY
THE SHOW IS coxFIscArEp.

nd ~A HMoo WARD IN THE SOUTHEH dd CONFEDERACY.
 ss- THE SHOW IS coxF1scArEp,
 ou hay perhaps wondered wharebouts I " ,;a TOT these many dase gone and past. Percba au you sposed I'd gone to the Toomb of the Cs " " Pyiets, tho don't know what those is. Tts h he Popier newspaper frase.
 nJ a Listen to my tail, and be silent that ye m a nf here; I've been among the Seseshers, a earn o' my daliy peck by my legitmit perfeshun, al havnt had no time to weeld my facile quill .. M the grat Homie paper" if you'll allow me s' kote from your troothful advertisement. IT. My success was skaly, and I likewise had ,e narrer scape of my life. If what I've bin thre le IS Suthern hospitality" bout which we', y hearn so much, then I feel bound to obsar, that they made two much of me. They was g
 together too lavish with their attenshuns.
 l went alnung the Seseshers with no feelir v 'vt of annermosity. went in my psrfeshernal c, U .t pacity. l was actooated by one of the mos U Loftiest desires which can swell the human Bot . gum, vlz:.-to giv the people their money Y WofIn: oy showing them Sagashus Beasts, an :. ax Statoots which 1 venter to say air onsu, . past by any other statoots anywheres. I wi] t ;: not call that man who sez my statoots is hum :. bugs liar and a hoss thief, but bring him be- . me and HI wither him with one of my skornfu
 frowns. But to proceed with my tail. In my trayil . threw the Sonny South heard heap of tall about seceshln and bustin up the Union, but , didnt think 1t mounted to nothin. The polit clans Tn all the villages was swearin that Olt Abe (sometlmes- called the Prahayrie flower, fools of theirselves in varis ways. but as the, were used to that didn't let it worry me much
 and the Stars and Stripes continuerd for te
 wave over my little tent.( Moor over, was 8
 Son of Malty and member of several othe,
 temperance Societies, and my wife she was a Dawter of Malty, and spesed thee fax would SC.
 coor me the infoonz and perfection of all the
 lust famer lies. Alas I was disipinted. State
 alter State seseshed and it growed hotter and
 hotter for the undersned. Things come to a cllmbmacks in a small town in Alabamy, wher I
 was premptoriy ordered to haul down the stars Stripes: A deppytashun of red faced standn takin money (the afternoon exhibisbun had commenst, an my ltal yum organist was jerk Tn his soul-strrin chimes). I've cum, Sir sald mlllngtary man in cockt hat upon a III and holey mishun. The Southern Earle is screamin threwout this sunny land-proudly and dehantly screamin Sir!"
 Whats the matter with him." sez l, "dont his ylttles sit we'll on his stummck ?"
 That Eagle, Sir, will continner to scream all over this Brite and tremenjus land r
 Wall let him sc,eam.- If your Eagle can men annoyed me, for was Bizzy maxim change
 We are cum, Sir, upon matter of dooty2v You're right, Capting. It's every mans dooty to visit my show," sed I.
 We are cum" Ana that the reason you are here!" sez I, a ron haaF anN %x ShHFz ts sf baNt # b and hist the Southern flag ?"
 "Narj hist!' These was my reply. . I
 "Your wax works and beests is then contis- ticated, and you air arrested as Spy!"
 Scz I, My fragrant roses of the Southern cline and Bloomin daffodils, what's the price of whiskey in this town, and how many cubic feet of that seductive flood can you individually hold"
 They made no reply to that, but said my wax figgers was confsticated. l axed them II that was ginerally the stile among thieves Tn that country to which they also made no reply, but sed was arrested as Spy and must go to Montgomery in iurns. They was by this time lined 5y a large crowd of other Southern patrits, who commenst hoerin Hang the bald-headed aberitionist, and bust up his immoral exhibl- tionw l was ceased and tied to a stump, and the crowd went to my tent-that waterproof pavilion, wherein instruction and amoosement | had been so muchly combined, at l5 cents per head--and tore it all to pieces. Meanwhile dirty faced boys was throwin stuns and empty bear bottles at my massiv brow, and takin other improper liberties with my person. Resistance was useless, for variety of reasons, as readl- ly observed.
 The Seseshers con6sticated my statoots by smashin them to attums. They then went to
 my money box and confsticated all the loose change therein contaned. They then, went and
 bust in my cages lettin all the animiles loose, a
 small but helthy tiger among the rest. This ti-
 ger has eccentric way of tearn dogs to pea
 ces, and alters sposed from his gineral con
 duck that he'd hay no hesitsshun in servin hu-
 man beins in the same way if he could git at
 them. Excuse me if was erooil, but larfed
 boysterrously when I saw that tiger spring ln
 among the peple. Go it, my sweet cuss v l
 inardly exclaimed, forgiv you for bitln OH my
 left thum with all my heart Rip 'em up like
 bully tiger whose Lare has bin invaded by se-
 seshers!'
 Ican't say for certain that the tiger serisly in- iured any of then but as he was seen few days Eafter sun miles distant, with large and we'll selected assortment of seats of trowsis in his mouth, and as he lookt as tho he'd bin hayiu
 sum yilent exercise, rayther guess he did. You will therefore perceive that they didn't confisti cate him much.
 was carried to Montgomry in iuns and placed in durans vial. The jail was a ornery ediilss , but the table was iberallF suplied with Baklf , an Cabbige IhisMas good variety, for whel ? didu't banker after Bakin could help mysei 1 to the cabbige. q, I had nobody to talk to nor nothin to tall about, howsever, and was very lonely special, r on the first day ; 50 when the jailer parst m, lonely sell put the few stray hairs on the bacl ? part of my he'd I'm bald now, but thare was d l time when wore sweet auburn ringlets) into a Is dish-heyild state as possible, X roiln my eye e like manyyuck, cride: Stay, jailer, stay: k am not mad but soon shall be if you don't brin # me suthin to Talkr' He brung me sum noof
 papers, for which thanked him kindly.
 At larst got interview with Jefferson Ds
 wis, the President of the Suthern Contheiverac! ' He was quite.ps and axed me to sit dow s and state my case. did it, when he larfed an y sed his gallunt men had bin little enthoos E, iastic in conasticatin my show.
 ,e aYes,'' sez I, "they conasticated me to h- muchly. had sum hosses confsticated In tf ar same way onct, but the confsticaters ar no ts poundin stun in the States Prison at lnJinnap e-J Ins.
 S. wal wall Mister Ward, you air at iber he to lcpart; you air friendly to the South, kno' ns Even now we hay many frens in the North, vi nj sympathise with ps, and won't mingle with tn m fight" . n., Tar of us was your sincere trends, and thought e .y- lin parties among us was fussin about you al ,ss meddlin with your censarns intlreiy too mue ha Rrt. T Davis the mint you ire gun at U .,, .,, f d,, ,.oods called the Star-Spaugied Ba