Pomeroy weekly telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy, Meigs County, Ohio) 1860-1866, 1861-03-01
: Gatit and diaisdum.

ErIf tin will make can, what will
make can't?
MA poor hen?ccked husband de-
clared that the longer he lived, the more
he was smitten.
p@A good action is never thrown
away. That is the reason no doubt,
why we find so few.
sa- No man was ever known to be
found drowned with receipt from a
printer in his pocket.
81 1t is said that if you stop up rat
holes with old search warrants, every
knowing rat will leave your premises.
hS Mrs Part;ngton says that she has
noticed that whether flour was dear or
cheap. she had lnvaribly to pay the same
money for a half dollars worth.
se-"I do declare Lib, you're pretty
enough to eat!''
'Well dear Charles amt I eating as
fast as can?" replied Lib with her
mouth full.
pI"My native country has treated
ME badly" said drunken yagabond,
"but 1 love her still'' eyes," replied
a gentleman, probably her still is all
you do love.
ia In ain Irish provincial journal,
there is an advertisement running thus:
Wanted, handy laborer, who can plow
married man and a protestant, with a
son or daughter!
D0~"Now, then, hearties, said gal
liant captain, syou have a tough battle
before you Fight like heroes till your
lame, and III start no,cI"
p@- Good morning, Mr. Henpeck;
have you any daughters that would
make good type settlers?
:Not exactly, but have got wife
that would make irst-rate derU.
sA-An attorney having died in poor
eircumsta nces, one of his friends OBJ
serycd that he left but few effects.
"That is not much to. be wondered
at, said another, for he had but few
causes"
s@-A diseonsolatc lover, who was
discarded, consoles himself with the re-
fection that his loved one is married to
a small lawyer, has two children and the
fever and ague.
rA.At printers festival the follow
ing toast was given: The Editor and
the LAWYER: The devil is satisfied with
the "copy'' of the former, but requires
the original of the latter.
BE- An exchange paper asks, very
innocently, a'is it any harm for young
ladies to set in the lap of aees?" An
other replies, that sit all depends on the
kind of ages selected" Those from
eighteen to twenty five it puts down as
extra hazardous.
@ The wife of the President of one
of the Universities, on congratulating
her friend on the birth of her little girl
whom she named Jessie, wrote:
Since you have given your husband
Jessie; We shall probably next hear Of
your raising Ned
p@-A cavalier the other day tried to
put down his opponent with this ques-
ton:
'.If Noah did send out a dove that
never returned, where did it go?''
"Why," returned his antagonist, II
suppose somebody shot it.
ED The following dialogue is re-
ported between two boys: "What do
you think? my father, the other day,
shot nine hundred and uinety nine pig
cons with one barrel of his gun" ''Oh
Why didn't he say a thousand at once. !"
(Rather provokingly)-"Do you sup
pose my father would tell a lie just for
the sake of one pigeon?'
nA"My dear. husband" said de-
voted wife, ,'why will you not leave off
smoking? 1t is such an odious practice,
and makes your breath smell -
Yes" replied the husband, "but only
consider the time | have devoted, and
the money | have spent, to learn to
smoke. If I should leave off now, all
that time and money would have been
wasted, don you sec!
Rg" eau a body eat with these
things?" asked an elderly lady who was
handling pair of artificial plates in a
dental office, and admiring the fuency
with which the dentist described them.
"My dear madam, responded the dem
tist, Classification can be performed by
them with facility only excelled by
nature herself" " Yes, I know" re-
piled the female; "but can body eat
with .hem?"
FsrA colored firm in Newark, New
Jersey, having suffered some pecuniary
cmbarrassments, recently closed busi-
ness, and the senior member gave to the
public the following '.notis: ''-''De dis
boiution of coparsnips heretofo resisting
twixt me and Nose Jones in de barber
perfession, am heretofo resolved. Pus=
sons who ose must pay in the scriber.-
Dem what the fun ose must call on
Jones, as the furm is insolved."
Coal VS.. Slate.
A person meeting his coal-merchant,
when coal had taken an enormous raise,
thus aceosted him:
"Wcll, friend, how are coals?"
"Indeed,' was the reply, Goals are
Goals now!"
esGlad to hear it, said the other, ''for
the last you sent me were half slate!''
Tho cool ,pa.nlaoot E;cke5 at bis 6ou