Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1861-12-08
A GOOD STORY.
THE IMPERTURBABLE WITNESS

THE IMPRRTURBABLE WITNESS,
Colonel 7. B: Thorpe, in an article on "FoI
nunnng IN late number Of HaTptr's Maqa.
4He, makes one Of bis characters tell this fun.
ny story OF an imperturbable witness: =
Some years ago." said our narrator. Who
mao very twinkllng eye and durable red color
on the end OF his nose, ''some legal business
caused me to sojourn for few DAYS An a little
neighboring town, which, though now boastinp
OF numerous population, was at the time Of
which speak, possessed Of but little more than
q rude court house, tavern and blacksmith
snop' Inc only active life the place ever
witnessed was at court term,' and our reminis.
cences even at this moment are vivid that We
iound our time anything but easy on our hands.
Inc Judge who presided upon the bench was a
man OF superior character; familiar with the
world aud with the members Of the bar: alto.
getner superior to the rude surroundings with
which they were associated; the contrast. there.
fore, between the members of the profeaaIon
and the permanent residents in the vicinity was
necessarily very striking.
"At the time Of which speak, man By the
name of .Parker, one of the local diRuitaries.
nao been sued upon an open accounE which he
denied owing, and II rested upon the plaintiff.
Glass, to prove the Indebtedness. =
"a queer sort Of genius named Brimlon, who
made q precarious living by hunting and doing
ooo JOBS, 40 occasion required, was suhrosnaed
by Glass as bis witness. 80 = =
tne proceedings Of the court were conduct
eo' as might be supposed, in rather a familiar
way; the judge, though man of great natural
nsmneaa, was very little disposed 20 be exGcting
In MS demands upon the enforcement of mere
iorms' ana 90 long as no legal principle was In.
vaoed and his dinner hour not iuterfered with
~ business, everything was as cozy and com
Portable as possible. No.. ,- -
"After day of more than usual excitement
when there bad really been something befor,
the court which called forth legal scumsn in th,
pleadiDgs, having put the Judge up to bis met
ue; IN other words, after hard DAYS work
had been performed, and Judge, lawyers, at
tending Jurymen and Witnesses had really be-
come fattgued and hungry, as the Judge was
on the point Of ordering an adjournment of the
court, the landlord of the tavern having open.
~ announced In court that dinner Of fat
Venlson was on the table, at the particular
said: =
May It please your Honor, my client, Mr..
Glass, wishes to prove an account. The only
witness In the case Is present. if the Court please
70 hear the testimony, which will not consame o
moment
The Judge, impatient as be was for the, din
ner, hesitated for moment, and consented. -
The case was called, tGlass vs.. Patker;' the
witness, brimlon, was put on the stand, the
Judge In the act Of leaving the court had
actually put on his hat, end removed Il to
hear the testimony Hhich would only take 4
moment N - :
.BrlmloD, meantime, was duly sworn, and
asked In familiar way what he knew about
the disputed account, but, instead Of promptly
answering, be stood still, looking severely and
reproVingly at the spectators who were bustlina
about and finally, BY staring all present into 81.
ience' the Judge absolutely settling back In bis
chair, ss II suddenly impressed with the idea
that hes too, must be profoundly attentive This
having been accomplished, Phmlon commenced
as follows:
"'Is was beautiful eyening-I shall never
forget that evening. The sun was setting In the
west, where there was very curious cloud, fun
nel.ehaped, with large head to it, and then
sort o. coming down to leetle eend lit was, In
"When the witness had proceeded thus
far, the counsel for the defense, much % the
qualification Of all present, psssishly exclaimed,
"'Mr. Bhmlon, We do not wish 70 know any
thing about The beautiful evening" or anythine
Of the sort; please 70 tell us what YOU know
about this aecount'--At the came lime rudelv
showing PATker'e bills into the wllnesa,s face,
At this gross breach Of decorum on the part Of
the lawyer, Brimlon showed no recruitment, but
alter remaining silent a minute or more with
increased impressiveness be began:
'lt was beautiful evening-I shall never
forget that evening. The aun was setting in the
west, where there was Yery curious cloud, fun.
nel.shaped, with large head to IL, and then
sort o coming down to q leetle eend--lt was, in
fact, rail beautiful evening, and thought l
mought 90 well 60 huutn', 90, says I, "Eoss"
-you know Boss; he is short tailed-dog with
crop ears, and as good dog a. any In the
country--so having called up Boss, and found
be was all right, got down my gun (it's about
thirty inches in the bsr'l), and thought that
Id lie the locks, though they work like hair
triggers; 90 lied the locks and started for
the ssubble field, owned by old Squire Tod
e
"By this time the symptoms Of impa.ience
% the part Of the bystanders were openly ex-
pressed, and Glass's lawyer, no longer able to
restrain himself at the prolixity Of his own wit
ness, Jumped TO his feet and begged the Judge
70 order brimlon TO give more direct answer
70 q simple question The Judge thereupon
nodded ME head to the lmperturable Brimlon,
Who, having stopped tho moment be was
interrupted until perfect silence was attained,
began:
'"It was beautiful evenInlg-I ahAll never
forget that evening. The sun Was setting In
the west, where there was o very curious cloud,
with large head to lt, and then
sort o coming down 70 1eetle eend-It was, in
iectsa ran beautiful evening, and thought ]
mought 90 we'll 60 o huntin', 20 says !, = Boss
--yon know Boss; he isa short ttaIl'd dog with
crop ears, and as good dog as any In the coun-
~; %, having called up Boss, and found be was
ell right, 9ot down my gun Qt's about thirty
lnehGn n ne har,ll. and thouRhl "a 10 lho]