Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1861-04-12
Miscellaneous.
From the Home Journal.
MATRIMONIAL INFE LICITIES.
BY AN IRRITABLE MAN.

Conversation Of the Break fast table.
MY dear" said to the lady who twas
seated opposite to me at the breakfast table,
and who has the good fortune to be my wife,
"if there be one thing dislike more than
another. it is TO receive cup OF coffee that
looks as if it had been slipped from before 1t
reached my hands. Have | not often asked
you to fill my cup to within an eighth of an
inch of the rim, and not give it to me half
OF three-quarters full ?"
"You are as particular as an old bachelor,
the estimable lady replied, land if had
known it before | married you, this day
would not have seen me your wife. There
sir, is your cup of coffee. hope 1t will
suit you"
"Good gracious go exclaimed, as took
the cup, "now you We managed TO run 1t oy-
er. You certainly must be aware that II
there be one thing dislike more than anoth-
er, it is to find s,ops in my saucer.
"Well. if you will insist ON my filing the
Gun. YOU must expect that sometimes L shall
spill it over besides your finding fault with
me does no good. but makes me nervous, ana
cause. my hand to tremble, SO that L only
wonder there is any coffee left in the cup.
But here is a saucer. in place of the one you
have
Having effected this important change, l
ta,ted the contents Of my cup. 1t was evil
dent to me that there was no sugar IN 1t. L
tasted it again to make certain OF the tact.
Then / said to her
"You have neglected to put sugar into my
coffee If there be one thing | dislike more
than another, it is coffee unsweetened.
Il am certain, replied my estimabie
spouse, ''that did sweeten 1t. don
think you have stirred it.
"But know ] have" ] answered
"Not with your spoon,' said the provoK-
ing woman, "for it is perfectly dry per-
haps, however, you used your FORK.
iPshaw! - was all the answer vouch-
tafed to this remark.
"Noy, | declare, / said, after having
stirred and slipped my coffee, you have
made il too sweet. If there is one thing l
dislike more than another, it is to have my
coffee taste like syrup" =,
"Iet me nut more milk with it, then,
said the obliging woman. :.
"No. thank you," | replied, 81 don t
care 70 have nv stomach turned into dal-
~. If there be one thing dislike more than
another, it is milk. ! gave up milk diet
when cut my first teeth.
at is to be hoped that you Will give uI
the habit of fault-fnding, which you pos
sess in an eminent degree, when you come to
cut YOUR wisdom teeth, though no one can
tell when that viii be-"
Thank you," replied; you will prob
ably be the first who will know when 1t oc-
ours
land happy day it will be for me, she
answered with provoking calmness. rev
know, though, how much unhsppiness youl
constant fault-fnding causes me. Nothing
l do seems to give you satisfaction !heIe
isn't moment elapses, while you are In the
house, save when you re asleep, but you are
thus occupied. The truth is, | have always
been too indulgent with you, and humor
YOU when ought not. did not commence
light with youin the first place. | should
have paid no attention to your whlms, ou
studied nv own convenience and comfort
instead of seeking to mako everything smootf
and pleasant for you. Then would have go
along much better. Oh, you men are grea
tyrants, and if a woman yields to you IN th'
least, YOU follow up your advantage. anl
bend her will TO yours, and crush her splrl
to the earth, ill, by and by, you break be-
heart
"My dear, will thank you for anothe
cup Of Coffee | said passing my cup to her
"but be careful not to run it over, nor get /
TOO sweet, nor put in too much mix. Wha'
an intolerable steak this Il" added
is tough enough to have been cut from on
of the cattle pastured upon thousand hill
more than thousand years ago. 1T there
one thing dislike more than another, 1t Is
tough beef steak.
You ordered it yourself, from the mar
ket, so you needn't find fault with me on ac
count of it. knew it was tough the me
ment looked at it. :"
Then why didn'. you send Ii back 2
inquired.
because, as it was yoar selection, SUI
posed you wanted tough one besides, IT
had returned it, you would have found tau
with me-
well, can't cat it, that's certain,
said $50 it had better b. taken eff the &
bic. shan't throw any more money ava
on beef steaks"
"Oh, it will answer for hash,' said IN
economical wife. and you can have it tC
dinner"
Hash - exclaimed. Ill there De oi
thing dislike more than another, 1t is hast
Hash is only fit for children and old peop
without teeth. Besides, it is q popular dis
at boarding schools and boarding houses
and when was boy, and afterward viii