The national Republican., 1861-06-07
ARTEMUS SPEAKS KSAGAIN-MRS. WARD
HAS TWINS
From Vanity Fair, june 3.
JOY IN THE HOUSE OF WARD

JOY IN THE HOUSE of wArp
DEAR SIHs: |. take my pen in hand to in
form you that am in state of CRATE bls, and
trust these lines will find you injoyin the same
blessins. I'm reguvinated. I've found the i'm.
mortal waters Of yooth, SO to speak, and am as
timber and frsky as q two year.old steer, and in
the tuter them boys which sez to me go up
old Bawld he'd will do so at the peril Of their
hazard Individually. I'm very happy. My
house is full Of JOY, and have to git up nights
and larf! Sumtimes ak myself Ais it not
dreamf" & suthn witbinto me sez ait air )"
but when l look at them sweet little critters
and hear 'em squawk, know it is a reality-2
realitys, may say-and feel gay.
/ returned from the Summer Campane with
my unparaleld show Of wax works and livin
wild Beests Of Pray in the erly part of this
munth. The peple Of Baldinsville met me cor
DULY, and immejitly commenst restin myself
with my famerly. The other mite, while was
down to the tavurn tostin my shins agin the
bar room FIRE & amuzin the krowd with sum of
my adventurs, who shood cum in bare heded 4
terrible excited but Bill Stokes, who sez, sez
he, "Old Ward, there's CRATE doins up to your
house."
sez /, "William, how so7"
Sez he, "Bust my gizzurd, but its CRATE
| doins," Il then he laried as if heed kill hissef.
| Sez I, risin and putin on austeer look,
"William, l woodunt be q fool If had com.
mon cents"
But he kept on larfn till he was black in the
face, when he fell over on to the bunk WHARF
the hoster sleeps, and in still small voice sed,
"Twins!" l asure you gents that the grass
didn't grow under my feet on my way home,
l was follered by enthusiastic throng of my
feller citterzuns, who hurrard for Old Ward at
the top Of their voises. found the house chock
full of peple Thare was Mis- Square Baxter
and her three grownup darters, lawyer Per.
kinses wife, Taberthy Ripley, young Eben Par.
suns, Deakun Simmuns folks, the Skoolmaster,
Doctor Jor, in, etsettery, etsettery. Mis-. Ward
was in the west room, which jines the kitchin.
Mis-. Square Baxter was mixin suthin in dip
per before the kitchin fire, l. small army Of
female wimip were rushin wildly round the
house with bottles of camfre, peaces Of Aaunil,
&c. never seed sch hubbub in my natral
born dase. Good not stay in the west room
only mint so strung up was my feelns, so
rusht out and ceased my dubbel barriled gun.
"What upon airth ales the MANI" sez Tab.
erthy Ripley.
"Sakes alive, what air you doin ?" & she
grabd me by the coat tales. "What's the mat.
ter with you ?" she continnerd.
"Twns, marm," seq |, "twins |"
al know it." sez she, coverin her face with
her apun.
"Wall," sez I, "that's what's the matter with
mel"
"Wall, put down that air gun, you pesky old
fool" sed she.
"No, marm," sez I, " this is Nashunal day.
The glory Of this here day isn't confined to Bal.
dinsvIle by darn site. On yonder woodshed, "
speakin in show actin voice, twill l fire a
Nashunal salootl sayin which, tared myself
from her grasp and rusht to the top Of the shed,
WHARF ! blazed away until Square Baxter's
hired man aud my son Artemns Juneyer cum
and took me down by name force.
On returnin 10 the ktchin, l found quite a
lot of people seated be4 the fire, talkin the
event over. They made room for me, & I sot
down. "Quite episode" sed Docter Jordin,
litin his pipe with a red.hot coal.
"Yes," sed I,"2 eppisOdes, waying about
ls pounds jintly."
"a pertsck coop de tat" sed the skoolmas
ter
"E pluribus unum, in proprietor persony,'
sed !, thinking I'd let him know l understood
furrin langwidges as we'll as he did, if WASH,
!. a skoolmaster.
2 at is indeed momentous event." sed
= young Eben Parsuns, who has been quarters
to the Academy.
e 81 never heard twins called by that name
e afore," sed J., "but spose it's all rite"
" ave shall soon have Wards enuf" sed the
e editor of the Baldinsville Bugle of Liberty who
: was lookin over bundle Of exchange paper'
in the corner, to apply to the Legislator for {
City Charter!"
dGood for you, old man !" scd T. "giv tha
air conspckius place in the next Bugle."
s "How redicklus, /" sed pretty Susan Fletcher
a coverin her face with her knittin work, & larfr
!, like all possest.
? "Wall, for my part" sed Jane Maria Peasley
who is the crossest old made in the world,
l. think you all act like a pack of fools
" Sez !, Mis-. Peasley, air you parent?'
c SEE She "No, aint."
IT Sez !, Mis-. Peasley, you never will be-"
I. She left.
1t We sot there talkin Il larfn until " the switch
). in hour Of mite when grave yards yawn Jost
troop 4th," as old Bill Shakespire aptlee oh
sarves in his dramy Of John Sheppard, Esq
or the Moral House Breaker, when we brok
e up Il disbursed.
J. Muther & children is don well & as Resc
lushuns is the order of the day, will feel OF
:, LEGGED if you'll insurt the follerin-
- !. Whereas two Eppisodes has happined up t
" the undersineds house, which is Twins;
u Whereas like this stile, sade Twins bein Of III
male perswashun, & both boys there4 Be it
{, Resolved, that to them nabers who did tn
- fare thing by SADIE Eppisodes my hart felt thank
;! is doc.
" Resolved, that do most hartly thank Enjin
g Ko. No. II who, under the impreshun frum tn
u u fuss at my house on that auspishus mite ths
=, thare was konfagrashun goin on, kun ga
W W yianty to the spot, but kindly refraned frur
10 10 squirtin.
10 Resolred, that frum the bottum ofmy Sole d
thank the Baldinsville brass band fur givi
y up the idea of Sarahnadin me both on tht
10 great mite snse.
" Resolved, that my thanks is doc severf
members Of the Baldinsyille meelin house VIII