Daily national Democrat., 1861-10-03
Artelnus Ward among the Spirits.

My naburs is mourn harf crazy on the new
tangled idear about Sperrets Sperretooul
Sircles is held nitely d or long-hard fell
lers has settled here and gone into the sperret
bizness exclusively. A atemt was made to
git Mrs. A. Ward to embark in the Sperret
bizness, but the atemt failed. l of the long
hared fellers told her she was ethereal
creetur " wood make a sweet meiium, where
upon she attact him with a mop handle d
drove him out Of the house. will hear OBJ
serve that Mrs. Ward is inyalerable womun
the partner Of my goys 81 the shairer Of
my somers. In my absence she watctis my
interests things with Il Eagle Eye d when |
return she welcums me in an afFectonate
stile Qrooly il is with us as It was with
Mr. d Mrs lngomar in the Play, to-whit:
2 soes with but single thawt-
. harts that beet as |.
My nabers iniooced me to attend a
Sperretooul Sirce at Squire Smiths When
| arroye | found the east room chock full
inclooding all the old maids in the village d
the long-hared fellers a4sed. When | went
in was salooted with hear comes the benited
man =" hear comes the skotfcr at TRUTH" Ct
settery etsettery.
Sex |, "my frens, its troo I'm hear, 4 now
bring on your Sperrets"
of the long-hared fellers riz up and sed
he would state a few remarks. lie sed man
was critter of ntelleck and was movin on to
Cole Sum men had bigger ntellects than
other men. and they would git to the Cole
the soonerest Sum men was beasts q would
never git to the Cole at all. lie sed the
Erth was material. but man was immateria,
and hens man was different IRON the Erth
The Erth, continered the speaker, resolves
round on its own aXeltree onct in 81 hours
but as man haint got no aXeltree he can't re-
solve. He sed the ethereal essence of the
koordinate branches of superhuman natur
becum mettymorfussed man progrest in
harmOnial coeXistence & eventooally antY
humanized themselves & turned into regular
| sperretuelers. This was versilerusly ap
| plauded by the company. and as | mike it a
pint to GIT along as pleasantly as possible,
sung out. "bully for you, Old boy.D
The company then drew round the table
and the Sircle kommenst TO goit. They aEcd
! me if thare was nybody in the Sperret land
which wood like TO converse with. | sed il
Bill Tompkins, who was onct my partner in
the show bzness, was sober | shood like to
converse with him a few periods.
"Is the Sperret of William Tompkins
present 2 sed Of the long-hared chaps, and
! there was three knox on the table
Sez !, " William, how goes it, old Sweet
ness2'
"Pretty ruff old hoss," he replide.
! That was pleasant way we had of ad-
| dressing each other when he was in the flesh
Air you in the show bizness. William p
SEE l.
He sed he was. Tie sed he d John Bun
van was travelin with a side show in con
nection with Sheksp0er,r rJnnson & Co.'S Cir
Gus He sed Old Bun (meanin ftr-Bunyan,)
strd up the animals d ground the orgRti
while he tendid door. Occashunally Mr.
Bunyan sung comic song. The circus was
doin middln well. Bill Shakspeer had made
CRATE hit with Old Bob Ridley, and Ber
Jonson was delitin the peple with his treo}y
CRATE AZ Of horsmanship without saddul OF
bridal Thay was rehersin DiXey'S Land d
expected it would mock the perle
Sez /, "Wlliam my luvly friend can 20,
pay Inc that l3 dollars you owe meY III
sed no with one Of the most tremenjis knox
ever experienced
The Sirce sed he had gone. "Air yor
gone, Wiliam?" aEed.
"Ravther.' he replied and knowd it was
no use to pursoo the sutjeck furder.
Ithen called fur my farther.
"How's things daddy"
"Middhn, my son, mlddlln.
"An't you prowd Of your orfurn boy"
"Scacely."
"Why not, my parient.'
"Becnwz You hav gone to writin for tGt
noospapers, my son. Bimeby you'll lose al
your character for trooth and verrasserty.-
When ] helpt you into the show bizns tolC
you TO dignerfy that there perfesnun. Lit
teraioor Is low"
He also slatid that he was doin middli;
well in the peanut biznis & liked it putty
well, tho the climit was rather warm.
When the Sirclo stopt they aXed me wha
| thawt of it.
Sell, "My friends I've bin into The show
hiznis nsw goin on 23 years. There's a ar
tikl in the Constitooshun of the United
States which sez in cffeck that everybody
may think lust as he darn pleazes, & them i
my sentiments to II hare. You dowtlis be-
leeve this Sperret doctrin while think it il
little MKT. Just so soon as man becum
a reglar out d out Sperret rapper he leeve
orf workin, lets his hare grow all over hi
Ease d commensis spungin his liyin ont o
other peple He eats all the dickshunarie
he can find IL goze round chock full OF bit
words, scarin the wimmin folks d. little chill
dren d destroyn the piece of mind of ever,
famerlee he enters. lie don't do nobody II
good & is a cuss to society d pirit on hon
est peple's corn beef barris. Admittin al
va say abowt the doctrin TO be troo, | mus
say the regar professional Sperret rapper
them as max a bizns on it-air allow
the most ornery set of cusses | ever enkoun
tered in my life. So sayia put on my sur
teot and went home.