Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-01-03
Mit aua Bamur.

A lady. writing on the cant Of tie day. N
n the improvement in female education, says
j." Let rnen be what they sbould bs % men.
before they pronounce judgment upon " a.
women. Until then, we shall 80 on very
much as we have done. If VIC were as per-
feet ~ they wish, where should We fnd suit
able h,Isbands7 We should sll Of Us live
aud die single. or else be sadly minated. IL
they don't ike US, shoy may do without us---
If they can"
One night, Freddy had been put to bed,
and mother AMI Johny were 10 an adjoining
room. Presently JOHNNY cut up some caper,
on which bis mother threatened TO "take
him into the other room and whip him."
Mother" sad Freddy's voice under the
bed clothes, 81 kpow where I'd take him."
"Where?' said tho u,olbef whose curl
osi'y WAS excited.
ia take him ur.der the left ear
Judge S. had rery wild son named
Bob who WAS constantly Oh spree, aud
upon being brought up ohes 5os drunken-
ness, the Judge cTisd out. s'sil
." Il thnt our Bob 2"
"Yes. SIR" replied the clerk.
Fine him two dollars aud costs; Id make
i. ten dollars If did not know tbss hwould
come out Of my yownppdkst."
\ gepileniah who could not pronouncs tbs
letter :, vss asked 70 read the following:-
Robert gave Richard rap in the RIBS,
FOR roasting the rabbit so rare"
lie evaded the difficulty in tho following
ingenious manner ;--s
Bobby ~ seys hump in tho side.
Fos csekfps tks Bunny so little"
Tommy, my son, run into the store and
get some sugar aGM
Excuse me ma; am soueshtt tndispos-
ell this morning. Send fathsr, and .sil him
to bring me plug Of tobacco
Does my son Wifiiam, that's in the army.
get plenty to eat ? asked an ed lady Of
recruiting sergeant, tho other day. He sees
plenty was the laconic reply. Bless his
heart, then, know he'll have it ifhs can sss
it; he always would a, home
DR.. Adam Clarke, who had a strong aver
sion 70 pork, was called upon to say grace al
dinner, whore the principal dish was roast
pig. lie is reported 70 have said: "0h,
Lord, II thou canst bless under the gospel
what thou didst curse under the law, bsess
the pig"
A clergyman had mix whit korso, which
OH account Of its beautiful form he called
Zion Having ordered his horse 70 the door,
friend asked him where he was geinS.-
Why, said he, TO mount ZioB.'
Tows IIoUsE WAsTED--h gentleman
living upon, his means, In the country, wish
ing f1r a town house, whers his dsstingue man
ncr, unriyalled powers Of conversation, and
general accomplishments, would be consider
ed an equivalent for board aud attendsncs
during the season. n. E.B.-Abundant whis-
kers, and foreign aspects'--Diogeness.
When the celebrated yiotti t.he father Of
| modern violin pfsying,l then re-<shg in
| London, tnrned wine merchant, Young no.
| olctnan. Of his numerous admirers secosted
him somewhat angrily. thus :-"signor Vio-
I'll, how could you, an artist Of such high
standing, degrade yourself by becoming .
! trafIicker in wine:" "My dear SIR" Viotti
replied, simply because find that the In.
| gsh ike wine better than music"
What do philosophers indulge in dAin-
ties ;"
Why no.?' replied Descartss; do y,u
think tha. nature produced all hsr good
things for foozT
| young lady, in reply to her fathers
question why she did not wear rings upoa
her fingers, said:-
because. papa, they hurt mo whom any.
body ,queezes my hand"
"What business have you 10 havo your
hand squeezed =
Certainly none, but still you know, pa
pa, ono would ike to keep in squeszabls Or.
der"
4 WAEEIxo TO TrEzIEs.--A gentleman
in New Orleans was agresably surprised the
other day. to find 4 plump turkey sesyed up
for bis dinner. aud inquired Of his servant
! now it was obtained. "Why, sah." replied
Sambo, dat turkey has been roos,inz on ths
feuce tree nights 50 dis morning seize lin
| for the rent ob de lence'