The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1861-01-24
THE PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser.


dismiss. If was | spose | should holler yersifrus-
Iy in the streets at mite and 90 home 10 Betsy
I Jane smcllin OF coal lie and gin, in the mOrnin.
| should 20 to the Poles arly. | should stay
there all. day. 1 should git carriges to take the
k~ripples, the infrn and the indignant thar. |
should be on gaurd agin frauds and sich. |
should be on the look out for the infamus lse of
the enemy, got up Jes BEL elecshun for perlitical
erieck. When all was over and my candydate
was elected. | should move heying IL arth-so 10
speak-unril | got orifce, which if | didn't git 4
OrIfce | should turn round u abOuZ- the Admin
istratiOn with all my mite and maine. But I'm
not in the bisniss. I'm in q far more respectful
bisniss nor whOt pO~llertics il. Wouldn't civ two
cents u be a COngresser. The wuSs insult | ever
received was when sertin citizens of Baldinsyille
axed me TO run fur the Legislator. Sez |. > NY
friends, dostest think I'd stoop TO that there?"
They turned as white a. q sheet. | spoke in my
most Orfullest tones, Il they kuOwd / wasn't 10
be triied with. They slunked out Of site 10 Onct.
Ihere4, hevin no politics, | made bold TO visit
Old ABE at his humstid in Springfield. | found
the old Teller in his parler, surrounded by a per-
feck swarm of orifice seekers. Known he had been
capting of 4 fiat boat on the rOarin Mississipv |
thought ia address him in sailor lingo. 80 seq |
= Old ABEi Let out yer main-suls, reef hum
the forecastle Il throw Yer jib-pOOp overheard !
Shiver my timbers, my harty!" IN. b. This Is
ginuine mariner langwidge. know, becawz I've
seen sailor plays acted out by them New York
theater %fellers. Old ACE lookt up quite cross u
-NNs -'iAA AZ e lIAAt4'h ny IL y L NlIL pbS-
sibly look at it now. Indeed, can't. It's on
possible, sir.
&" Mr.. LISKIN, who do you spect | air? sed l.
:" y Oriice-seeker, to be sure" sed he.
wall, SIR, sed | you's never more mistaken
in your life. You haiu't got a oritiss I'd take
fggers ismy perfeshun. I'm the father of Twins,
and they look like me-boh Of them. | cum to
pay u friendly visit to the President eleck of the
United States. If so be you wants to see me say
sO-if not 50, Il I'm OFF like 4 jug handle"
Mr.. WARD, sit down. L am glad to see you
Sir"
"Repose in ABRAMAM's Buzzum - sed one of
the orifice seekers, his idee bein to git OFF a COAX
at INV expence.
Wall SEE l, - eff all you fellers reposc in
that there Buzzum tharell be nifty poor nussin
for sum of you whereupon Old ABE buttoned
his weskit clear up and blusht like Il maiding of
sweet 10. Jest at this pint Of the conversation
another swarm of Orifce seekers arrove & cum
pilin into the parler. Sum wanted post ~orifces,
sum wanted collectorships, sum wanted furrin
missions, and all wanted sumthin. | thought
Old ABE would go crazy. He hadn't more than
had time to shake hands with EN-, before another
tremenjis crowd cum porin onto his premises. His
house and ~dooryard was now perfeckly overilowed
with Oriice seekers, all clamereruss Tor Il imme-
jt interview with Old ABE. One man from Ohio.
who had about seven inches of corn whiskey into
him, mistook me fur Old ABE and addresst Inc as
- The Pra-hayrie Flower Of the Vest Thinks
| yOp want at offs putty bad. Another man with 4
goldheded cane and a red nose told Old ABE he was
= u seeking WASHINGTON s. the Pride..of the Boundliss
West -
SEE I, Square, you wouldn't take a small post
Cfiiss II you could git 1t, would you -
SEE ne, "a patrit is abuv them things, sir -
There's a putty big crop of patrits this season,
aint there Square ?" seq |, when another crowed Of
woodshed was now all full, and when another crowd
cum | told'em not to go away for want Of room rs the
hog pen was still empty. One patrit from a small
town in Mishygan went up on top the house, got into
the chimney and slid down into the parler where Old
ABE was endeverin TO keep the hungry pack of ofiss-
seekers from chawin him up alive without benefit of
clergy. The mint he reached the fire place he jumpt
up, brusht the SCOT out OF his eyes, and yelled
. Don't make eny pintment ut the Spunkville post
office till you'v read my papers. All the respectful
men in our town Is isguers TO that there d~ockyment -
Good God - cride Did ABE, " they cum upon
me from the skize-down the chimneys, and from the
bowels of yearth - He hadn't more'n got them
words out of his delikit mouth before two fat ofiss-
seekers from Wisconsin, endeverin TO crawl atween
his legs for the purpuss of applyin for the tollgateshiP
ut Milwawky, upset the President eleck & he would
heve gone sprawlin into the fireplace if | hadn't
caught him in these arms. But | hadn't more'n
stood him up strate, before another man cum crashin
down the chimney, his head stIikin me vilently agin
the inards and prostratin my volupiCous form into
the floor. Mr.. LINKIN,' SHOUTED the inatooated
being, my papers is signed by every clergyman in
our town, and likewise the ~skoClmaster :"
Sez |, . you egrejs ass" gittin up Il brushin the
dust from ny eyes, IN sign your papers with this
bunch of bones, if you don't be a little more keerful
how you make my bread baskit a depot in the iuter.
How do you like that air perfumery :" SEE !, shuying
my fist under his nose. "Theni's the kind Of papers
I'll Civ you Them's the papers you want ="
But | wOrkt hard for the ticket; | toHed night
and day : The patrit should be rewarded -
"Nirtoo,' sed |, holiin' the infltooated man 10y
the coat-collar, :" virtoo, sir, is its own reward. Look
1t me - He did look at me, and qualed bci my
case. 1.-The fact is" 1 continued. iookin' round
rr.rn the hungry crowd - there IL scarcely n ofi.z
for every idle lamp carried round durin' this cam
pane. | wish therewas. ! wish there was furrin
missions To he filled on varis lonely Islands where
epydemics rage inceSsantiY, and II | was in Old
ABE's place, I'd send every mothers son of you to
them. What air you here for - | continued, warm
III up considerable, " can't you give ABE a minit's
peace Don't you see he's world most to death
Go home, you, miserable men, 60 home Y till the sile.
Go 10 peldlin tinware-gO to chopin woOd-gO to
bilin' sope-stutf ssssengers-black boots-git n
a c~lerkship ON sum respectable manure cart-go
round rs original Swiss Bell ringers-becum' origi-
nal and only CAMPBELL Minstrels-go TO lecturin at
80 dollars a uite-imbark in the penut bizniss-
Irrife for tie Loiger-saw off your legs and so round
giyin concerts. with techin appeals to a charitable
public, printed on your haudbilis-anything FOR a
houcst liyin', but don't come round here drivin old
ABE crazy by your outrajus cuttings up Go home.
Stand not upon the order Of your gon', but 20 TO
ouct II In five miuits from this time SEE |, pull
in out my new sixteen dollar huntin cased watch,
and braudishin' it before their eyes. EFF in five
miniis from this time a single sole Of You remains on
these here premises. III 60 out 10 my cage near by,
and let my Boy Constructor loose! x if he gifts
amung you, you'll think Old SOlfeiino has cum again
and 10 mistake - You ought TO hev seen them
scamyer, Mr.. FAIR. They run orr as tho Sltun his
self was arter them with "A rel hot ten promged pitch
fork. In i've minits the premises was clear.
How kin | ever repay you, Nr. WARD, for your
kindness - sed OLD ABE, advanciu and shakiu ne
warmly by the hand. How kin I ever repay you,
sir ="
- BY givin' the whole country Il good, sound adj
minisiratiOu. BY poerin' lie upon the troubled wa
tiers, North and South BY pursooin' a patriotic,
firm. and just course, and then IF any State wants to
seccic, let EN- Scsesh -
How bout my Cabnit Ministers, WARD; :" sed
ABE.
FIJI it up with ~Showmen, sir Showmen is de-
III II r.litir. NJ. hr-r, = - In, rnirrirln Z Ihn-