Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1861-10-12
Doesticks in Washington.

Uoesoeks in Warrington.
Washington city lies in an angle Of
the Potomac, and Potomac's eastern
branch. Exactly like u spiler.web in
the corner of rail fence; the whole
plan of the town is exactly like that of
sp:der-web; the Capitol building is
the iaf old spider in tile middle, and all
the other houses are hinge flies that
have got into the weband can't get out.
The whole country round is dotted
with little white tents, as thick Us if
there had been snow-storm that hadn't
melted away yet; or as ii some one Of
the hinge old heathen gods, before toss
ing off an ocean of bcer;,t one tremen.
dous gulp, had blown the froth all over
the surrounding country.
Nobody, in ordinary times, Eres ut
Washington folks only stay here, aud
talk; when Congress goes away, every
body goes with it; just as if everybody
thought he was Il Congress. The pub
lie buildings are taken down and put
away, and the people have to pay stor-
age. When Congress is gone, there
isn't any city here; nothing but patch
of ground, covered with empty cham
pagne and boer bottles aud with pic
ces Of paper, which are bills that didn't
pay; and with red tape-as if the
whole place had been seeded down
with these interesting articles, in the
hope that they would grow up into u
splendid crop.
Washington, just now, however, is
tull of military mcn-soldiers, and such
gaudy animals. AS to officers, sup.
pose there must he ut least thirty Off
GERS to every soldier In fact. l think
there are million officers at Wizards
Hotel every day; and l understand
that there arc rs many as Il hundred
soldiers in the different camps about !;
but the soldiers don't come to WiIards S
much; l suppose they don't know
Willard.
You cant mi CRATE rod without
running over few coloncls, or knock
ing down a major or so. This morn
ing stepped on the toe of lieutenant;
and us turned to apologize, rammed
one Of my elbows into the stomach of
Il general, and the other into the eye of
a captain. who tumhled over Il little
knot OF lieutenaut-cooncls, who fell in
u blue and gold heap, dragging down
with them some cnsigns and major
general of division. Saw / had done
mischief, and turned round to run,
when tangled my feet in the swords
of compile ofother generals, which
pitched me head first into the ribs of
another general, who also fell down,
tripping up in his fall two or three 9TH
er generals. I expected to have a
guard Of generals sent after me, with
a park of artillery or two, to put me in
the guard-hous quite the contrary;
they thought from the way l knocked
people about, that / was certainly COM
inandcr.in- chief; so some of the gen.
erals picked me up, and they all touched
their hats. ,si r.a1 H.i ..e&
This touching of the hat is a great
institution-but everybody does i'll
do it. When first came here l saw
everybody giving the military salute to
everybody else. So l began to do the
military; touched my hat to every.
body; my arm kept going npand down
like a pump. handle; pumped away
for. week. and my arm got SO lame
that began To fear amputation. Then
! conceived the idea of doing the mill
tary salnte with my foot; thought it
would be very effective, especially il a
man wore u patent leather boot and
gilt spur; practiccd it two days in my
room, and then did it in the e,reet t" n
general; he thought I meant to insult
him, and he threatened guard house
when he mentioned guard house, l
went away; ] don't like TO say l ran
but went away, and the t:a'e was
gooI.
Then ! studied into the philosophy
of the military pump-hsndle-sslute busi-
ness; concluded I wouldn't pump Ian
die to any tody under q genera. I
had hitherto been especially careful 20
pump-handle to gentlemen with stripes
on their arms. / thought they we're
m.jor-generals. Now I know the
while mystery oft. and ri tell.
There are three sises of ,ssnerals
Brigadicr- generals with one star on the
shoulder; major generals, with twn
stars on the shoulder: and generals III
division, with three dittn on ditto. I
now pump-handis {" singls-harreIlsd
generals, and to double -barrelsd gen.
erals, and to tho hieh-pressare gsnsrsis.
with three stars: but NO fellow that
hasn't At least one star on his shoulder
sssp sses ss>s ~ nsss FanPhandss
one ofms. - l.s.- > - s"f