The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1861-03-01
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Sometimes society gets tired of man and
hangs him. Sometimes man gets tired of
society and hangs himself
A little boy being asked in Sunday school,
What is the chief end of man . answered,
The end what's got the head on
There is nothing formidable about death
except the consequences Of it, and these we
ourselves can regulate and control. The
shortest life is long enough if it leads to a
better, and the longest is too short if it does
not.
Remember-so long as men are imprudent
in their diet and business, doctors and law
yers will ride in carriages.
The best place to see small bills-n the
contribution box.
The miser carries nothing into the next
world but very mean soul, and that proba-
bly, is as little valued there as here.
A recent philosopher discovers a method
to avoid being dunned. How how y ey-
erybody asks. Never run in debt.
An old man said-'For long time puz-
zled myself about the difficulties Of Scrip
ture until at last came to the conclusion
that reading the Bible was like eating fish.
When l find difficulty, lay it aside and
call it bone. Why should | choke myself
on the bone, when there is so much nutri-
tious meat y
An inexperienced young bride being asked
by her cook to choose her dinners during the
honeymoon, was anxious that her ignorance
should not peep out. She called to mind
one dish, and one dish only, and that she
knew by name it was a safe one. and sub
stantial too-'a leg Of mutton SO, several
days the leg of mutton came obedient to the
mistress's orders. Perhaps the cook was
weary of it at last she ventured to inquire
Should you not like some other thing to-day
ma'am y Yes, let US have leg of beef, tol
change
A contractor overheard one of his party
lamenting his hardships since coming It
America, drawing for contrast bright
sketch of his lite IN the 'oud counthry.' oh
said the complainer, with sign, 'av | wa
only back agin to me fathers palish" 'ioul
fathers palish, is it p responded fellow
workman, with a jolly squint OF his eye a
the distressed noble scion Sure, an av y.
wore there, ye moight sthan on the groune
an reach yer han down the chimbley an oper
| the door av it.
Artemus Ward writes from the West =
They've got Panick up this way, and re
foose to take Western money. 1t was never
wurth much, and when Western men, wht
know what it is, refoose to take Their owl
money, it is about time other foxes stop
handiin it. Banks is Dustin every day, golr
up higher nor balloon of which We hav any
record. These Western bankers air swee
and luvly set Of men. | wish | owned a.
good house as some of 'em would break in
to!
! In matters Of conscience, the first thoughts
are the best in matters of prudence, th'
last.
! Machinery, like some great personages ant
good many thieves, often travels arount
lnc0y.
A parents forgiveness of daughter whe1
her heart is broken, is pardon after cxecu
ton.
A boarding house keeper advertiscs to fur
nish gentlemen with pleasant and comtorta
BILE rooms also, one or two gentlemen uit
uireS y
MAKING AN EXCEPTION. 1t is related OF
an elderly dandy, who was more noted TO
running into debt than for paying his trades
men, that he made an exception i'll favor OF
his wig-maker, that he might be enabled t
say that he wore his 'own hair
LAWYERS Pay. A pert young lawyer ono
boasted to member of the bar that he ha
received two hundred dollars tor speaking i
a certain lawsuit. The other replied. 4 RI
ceived double that sum for keeping silent i
that very case
A blind man, led by dog, while wander
ing in the streets of Paris, had his dog seize
by some one passing instantly opening HI
eyes, he gave chase, and overtaking the thie
cudgelled him soundly, after which he close
his eyes, anG fell to begging again.
A beautiful thought IS suggested IN tn
Koran ANGELS, in the grave, will not que
ton thee as to the amount of wealth tho
hast left behind thee but what good dee
thou hast done in the world, to entlile tht
to seat among the blessed
Mr. Justice Page was renowned for h
harshness and ferocity upon the bench
While going the circuit, tacetous lawye
by the name of C,owle, was asked If I'll
judge was not just behind?' i don't know
said Crowle but if he is, am sure he ne
: er was Just before
Nor LOST. A gentleman, whose house "
repairing, went one day to see how the j