Daily Nashville patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1860-1862, 1861-10-24
Artemus Ward Sees The Prince
NannIpnn.


Notwithstanding haint writ much for the
papers of late, nobody needn't fatter their
selves that the undersigned is ded. Ga the
contry, Il still live" which words were spo-
ken by Danyll Webster, who was an able
man. Even ole line wings of Boston will
admit that. Webster is ded now, howseEer
aud bis mantel has fallen into the hands OF
some dealer 10 "a hand close, who can't sell
it. Leastwise nobody pears 10 be going
round wearing II to any pertlckler extent
now days.
The regiment of whom was kurnel inery
concluded they was better adapted as Home
Guards which accounts for your not hearin
of me ere this, where the bawls is the thick
est and where the cannon doth roar. But as
ii American citizen. l shall never cease 10
admire the mastery advance our troops
made on Washington from Bulls Run, short
time ago. 1t was well dun. l spoke to my
wife bout it at the time. My vile said it
was we'll dun.
It having there4 bin determined 10 purtect
Baldinsville at all hazards; and as there WAS
not apprehensons of any immtiit danger, l
thought l would go orr onto a pleasure
tower. Accordingly l put on a clean billed
sburt and started for Washington. l went
there to see the Prints Napoleon, and not to
see the place, which I will here take occasion
to observe is about as unnterestin local
if ever he does di, and where recken they'll
make it so warm for him that he will 81 for
his summer close. Il is easy enough TO see
why man goes to the poor house or the
peniientiary. It's becaws he can't help it.
But why he should voluntarily GO and live
in Washington is entirely beyand my COM
preheRsion, aud l can't say no fairer than
that.
L put up to leading hotel. 1 saw the
landlord and said,
How dye do, Square p
Fifty cents, SIR" was the reply.
sSir 2u
"Half dollar. We charge twenty-five cents
for looking at the landlord and fifty for
speaking to him. If you want supper a boy
will show you to the diun room for twenty
five cents. Your room bein in the tenth sto-
ry, IL will cost you dollar to be shown up
there"
How much do you ak man for breathin
in this equinomikal tavern?n
''Ten cents breth," was the reply.
Washington hotels is very reasonable in
their charges.
IN. B.-This is Sarkassum)
sent my keerd TO the Prints, aud was i'm
mediaiely u>hured before him. He received
mt kindly, and axed me to sit down.
Il have come to pay my respects TO you,
Mister Napoleon, hopin l see you hale and
harty."
81 am quite well, ;" he said. Air you well
sir?u
Sound as cuss," | answered.
He seemed to be pleased with MY weys,
and we entered into conversation to ouct.
'sHow's Lewis?'; axed and he sed the EN-
peror was well.
Eugeny was likewise well, he sed. Then l
axed him was Lewis good provider? Did
he come home arly mites? Did he perfoom
Iar he'd AT N ON S0nahia hnur Wi III ulu
aud tauzy? Did he go to the Lodge" on
mites when there wasn't any Lodge? Did he
often have extensiv acquaintance among
poor young widders whose husbands was In
Californy7
To ali of which questions the Prints per-
litely replide. given me to understand that
the Emperor was behavin we'll.
Il ak these questions, my royal duke and
most noble highness and imperials, becaws
am anxious to know how he stands as a man
l know he's smart; be is cunnin, be is long
hedded. be is deye-he is CRATE. But oness
be is good, he'll come down With crash one
of these days, and the Bonyparts will be bus
ted up agiD. Bet yer life"
.Air you preacher, sir?" he inquired, a
little sarkasticul.
''No, sir. But believe in mortality. 1
likewise bleeve in Meetin Houses. Show me
a place where there isn't any Meetin Houses,
show you place where old hats air stuffed
into broken winders, where the children air
dirty and ragged, where gates have no
hinges, where the wimin air slipshod, and
where maps of the DEVILS wild lands air
painted upon mems shirt bosoms with tobac-
CO jooce. That's what I'll show you. Let us
consider what the preachers do for US before
we abooZe 'em any wiy."
He sed he didn't mean to abooZe the cleT-
gy. Not at all. and he was happy to see that
/ was interested in the Bonypart fanny
sits crate family" said l. But they
scooped the old man ill.,"
sHow, sir"
Napoleon the Grand. The Britishers
scooped him at Waterloo. He wanted TO do
too much, aud he did it. They scooped him
in at Waterloo, and he subsequently died at
st. Heleny. There's where the greatest mil
itary man the world ever produced pegged
out 1t was rathet hard to consine such :. u
man as him to st. Heleny, to spend his last
days In catching maekeril, and walkin up
and down the dreary beach in a military
cloak, drawn tightly round him, (see pictur
books) but SO it was. He'd Of the ArmyP
Them was his last words. So he had bin. He
was gratei Don't / wish we had pair of
bis old boots to command sum OF our brig
adesl"
This pleased Jerome, and be took me by
the hand.
sAiexander the Crate was punkins," I
continued, .sbut Napoleon was punkinerl
Alic wept becaws there was no more wurlds
to scoop, and then took 10 drikin. He drown
did his sorrers in the aowin bole, and the
dswin bole was too much for him. II ginral-
ly is. he undertook to give snake exhibit
fion IN his boots but IL killed. That was q