, 1861-09-05

| In linden nved SO long.
While walking down College street, last Sun
day evening, the subscriber" came up with two
negro boys, aged respectively ten and 9fteer
years. The younger one carried an apple in his
hand, and the elder one was using all his elo.
quence to obtain I" just one bite Of II" swell,
said the younger one, finally, "Tll give you jest
one bite; butdon't you take more'n jes one bite
The larger one took the apple, and opened mouth
that would have been creditable to hundred
and fifty pound catfish, leaving Q very little
share on the other side.
"Good God! Jiml" said the little one, look
ing up at the operation with astonishment, "yOu
take the apple and give me the bitel"
"How old are you, Bridgeti' said q gentle
man to his servant girl
"About fifty, SIR" replied Bridget
"You are mistaken. Bridget you are not over
twenty"
"Yes, sir, that is It I'm about twenty or
fifty, somewhere along there"
This answer indicates about the same degree
Of intelligence as that Of an old gray.headed
negro in South Carolina.
" How old are you, Petei" said . gentleman
to him one day.
al dunno, massa, feels berry old; 'spect Use
about Eve or six hundred"
The Duchess Of Kingston was remarkable for
having high sense Of her own dignity. Being
one day detained IN her carriage by the unload.
ing Of cart Of Goals in very narrow street, she
leaned with both her arms upon the door, and
said to the man: 49,.
"HOw dare you, sirrah, stop woman Of quail
ity in the streetsi"
woman of qualityf" replied the man.
eyes, fellow" rejoined her grace "Don't
you see my arms on my carriage"
"Yes," replied he, Ido-and a pair Of coarse
arms they are"
A Dutchman, looking for q person BY the
name Of Dunn, who owed him q small account,
asked wag near an eating house. as be" wished
to find Mr.. Dunu." The wag told him to 20 into
the eating-house, and the first person at the rst
table was the gentleman be was inquiring for.
The Dutchman went in, about as slow as jack
ass towards peck Of oats, and this first gem
tlernan" happened ODE an trishman.
"Are you Ounnf" said the Dutchman.
Done" said Pat, "by my sOwl, am only
jist commenced I"
A lady riding In the cars, few weeks since,
found herself seated by the side Of an old matron
who was exceedingly deaf.
"Ma'am," said She in high tone, " did you
ever try electricityi"
"What did you say, miss"
al asked you IL you ever tried electricity for
your deainess"
20, yes, I did; it's only last summer ] got
struck BY lightning, but l don't see As It did me
a bit Of good"
Said Sunday school teacher, remember,
dear children, that God Is everywhere" The
words had hardly escaped his lips when . Fo-
guish looking little fellow rose up and said: :.
"Please, sir, did you say God iseveFywheroi" ."
Yes, my son; everywhere"
lis he in my pocketr
"Yes, he Is 10 your pocket"
"Well, guess I've got you there, was the
triumphant retort; "canse l haint got any
pocket"
"You are going to keep houser said an e.
derby maiden lady to young woman recently
married.
"Yes," was the reply.
sGOing to have girl, suppose" was que
ried.
The newly made wife stammered, cOlOred and
then responded:
II dOa't know whether II will be girl or q
boy"
As Rev. Mr.. Field, who lived in Vermont sev.
eral years ago. went to deposit his vote, the off,
Ger who received Il being q friend and parish.
iOnOr, but Of opposition politics, remarked:
al am sorry, Mr.. Field, to see you here"
"Why 2" asked Mr.. Field
because" said the officer, "Christ and his
kingdom was not Of this world"
"Has no one q right to vote" said Mr.. Field,
"unless he belongs to the kingdom Of Satanl"
An itinerant phrenoIogist stopped at rustic
farm house, the proprietor Of which was busiy
engaged in threshing.
SSir, I am phrenologist Would YOU like
me to examine the heads Of your children 7"
"Well," said the farmer, pausing between
the strokes, al rather guess they do not need il
The old woman combs them with fine tooth
comb once week"
"No smoking allowed herr" }" said the captain
Of steamboat to one Of his passengers, On Irish
man. who was putting away at long pipe.
And surely" answered Pat, I'm not smok'
ing aloud"
A gentleman who had just married little un-
dersized beauty, says she would have been talle',
but she is made Of such precious materials that
nature could not afford Il.
Examiner-" Who was The strongest man"
Smart boy Jonah" "Whv sOS" "Canse
the whale couldn't hold him aAsr il got him
down."
An advocate Of capital punishment argues
that the galloWs are calculated 70 elevate uan-
kind