The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1861-05-03
From the Home Journal.
MATRIMONIAL FELICITIES.
BY AN IRRITABLE MAN.

| Wy aV@if said W tue idoy VINO was op
posite to me at the breakfast table, and who ha
The good fortune to be my wife, sii there be on,
thing dislike more than another, it is TO re-
eeIVe cup OF coffee that looks as if it had been
slipped from before it reached my hands, Have
not often asked you to fill my cup to within
an eighth of an inch of the rim, and not give il
TO me half or three quarters full l''
You are as particular as an old bachelor, D
the estimable lady replied, ''and if had known
It before | married you, this day would not
have seen me your wife. There sir, is your
cup OF coffee. hope 1t will suit you.''
GOOD gracious y l exclaimed, as I took the
cup, "now you've managed 70 run it over
You certainly must be aware that if there is
Que thing dislike more than another, it is TO find
sloP in my saucer''
"Well if you will insist on my filling the
cup, you must expect that sometimes shall
spill it'over besides, your finding fault with
me does no good, bat makes me nervous, and
causes my hand to tremble, so that only won
der that there is any coffee left in the cup. -
but here IS clean saucer 10 place of the on
you have''
Having effected this important change, :as-
ted the contents Of my cup. 1t was evt ent TO
.ire that there was no sugar in it. l tasted it a
gain 10 make certain OF the fact Then said
10 her:
"Yoa have neglected to put sugar into my
coffee If there be one thing dislike more
than another, ii is coffee unsweeiened.'
81 am certain" replied my estimable spouse.
'tha; did Sweeten it. l don't lhink you have.
But have,'' answered.
"Not with your spoon,' said the provoking
woman, ''ior 1t is perfectly dry perhaps, how
ever, you used your fork"
'fPshaw," was all the answer if vouch safed
te this remark
snow, Declare said, after having stir
sed and slipped my coffee, s'you have made II
5s.s ss5tIier, i isto nave my coffee taste ike
syrup"
"Lst me put more milk in it, then 10 replied
the obIiging woman.
"No, l thank YOU" replied, 81 don't care
to have my stomach turned into dairy If
there be one thing dislike more than another,
it is milk, I gave up milk diet when cut my
first teeth"
sit is to be hoped that you will give up the
idea Of fault finding, which you possess IN an
eminent degree, when you come 10 cut your
wisdom teeth, though no one can tell when that
| will be'
"Thank YOU" replied you will probably
ie the first who will know when it occurs"
''And happy day it will be for me-" she
answered with provoking calmness. "Few
1now, though, how much unhappiness your
constant fault finding causes me. Nothing
10 seems to give you satisfaction. There isn't
Z moment elapses, while you are IN the house,
ave when you're asleep, but you are thus oc-
cupled. The truth is have always been too in
dugent with you, and humor you when ought
rot. did not commence right in the first
Place. should have paid no at!entIon to your
yhims, bu; studied my own convenience and
cmfort instead OF seeking TO make everything
smooth and pleasant for you. Then l would
hve got along much better. Oh, you men are
geat tyrants and if woman yields to you IN
lie least, you follow up your advantage, and
bend her will to yours, and crush her spirit to
tie earth till, by and By, YOU break her
hart"
e'My dear, will thank you for another cup
Coffee" | said, passing my cup to her ''bat
b, careful not to run it over, nor get it too
sweet, nor put in too much milk. What an in
toerable steak this s,' | added 'slt is tough e.
nugh to have been cut from one of the cattle
pstured upon a thousand hills, more than a
tDusand years ago. II there be one thing |
dIlike more than another, 1t is tough beef
stak."
''You ordered It yourself, from the market, SC
va needn't find fault with me on account Of
r it knew it was tough the moment looked al
it.
l'Then why didn't yousend it back % lin.
CURED
: Because, as it was your own selection,
; supposed you wanted tough one besides, If
!, ha returned it, you would have found faul
! wlh me for doing so.'
T, swell, can't eat 1t, that's certain" said
So il had better be taken off the table.
shn't throw any more money away on beei
: staks.
'. 'sOh, II will answer for hash," SAID my eco
,g nrnical wife, sand you can have it for din
ar.