Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1861-04-05
Cruise Of the Polly Ann.
BY ARTEMUS WARD.

| BY ARTEMUs WARD
| In ovcrhaulin' one of my old trunks the
tother day, found the folerin' icrnal of n
wye ON the starnch canawl bote, Polly Ann.
which happened to the subscriber when |
was young man Tin the Brite Lexington of
yooth, when thar aint no sich word as fale)
on the Wabash Canawl:
(Monday p NJ Got under wa. Hos
scs not remarkable frisky at fust. Had to
bid fires under 'em before they'd start
Started at larst very suddcnt ca,lsin the bote
for to lurch vilently and knockin me orr
from my pins. (Saler frasc.) Several pas
senjers on bored, Parst threu dcliteful coun-
try. Honist farmers was to work sowin
korn, d other produce in the fields. Sublime
scenery. Large red hcded gal recinin on
the banks of the Canawl, bathin her feet.
Turned in at Is minits parst glowing.
| Toosdy-Riz at an went up ON the poop
deck. Took a grown PERSONS dose of ticker
wit member Of the Iniianny legislator,
which he urbanely insisted on allowin me TO
pay for. Bote tcarin threu the brinv waters
at the rate Of Nots q hour, when the boy
on the loadin hoss shouted.
"Sale ho!"
"Whar away?" hollcred the captinc.
clearin his glass Ga ernty black bottle, with
the bottom knockt OUT and bringin it to his
| Eagle eye.
"Bout four rods to the starbud," screamed
the boy.
"Jes So screcched the captng. "What
vessels that air." .-..
| "Thc Kickin Waricr of Terry Hawt and
be darncd to your
81, Sir!' holered or capting. "Rcef
your arft hoss, splice your main iib-boom,
and hail your chambermaid! What's up in
Terry Hawt?"
You know Bill Spikes ~ sod the capting
Of the Warier. .
j" Wall, reckin. He kin cat more fride
pork nor any man of his hcft on the Wa
bash. Hes a ornament to his sexp'
| "Wall," continued the captinc Of the
Kickin Waricr. "Wilyim got a little owly
the tothcr day, and got to prancin around
town on that old white mare of hsin, and
ben in playful mood, he rid up in front OF
the Court us whar Old Judge Perkins was
holdin Court, and let drive his rifle at him.
The bullet didn't hit the Judge at all il
only jez whizzed parst his left ear, lodgin in
the wall behind him but what dye spose
the old despot did? Why, he actooally
fined Bill ten dollars for contempt of Court
What do you think of that9" axcd the cap
ting. of the Warier, as he parst long black
bottle over to our capting. ..u.. 49,. ..
"The country is indeed in daneer," scd
our capting, raisin the bottle to his lips. -
The vessels parted. No other incidents
that day. Retired to my chased coach at 5
minits parst 10. .snt
Wensdy.) Riz arly. Wind BLOWN N.
| w. +. Heavy sea on and ship rollin wildly
in consekents of peppur-corns havin bin fas-
tened to the forrerd hoss' tale. "Heave
two" roarcd the capting to the man at the
rudder, as the Polly Civ a friteful toss. |
was sick, an sorry I'd cum. "Hcavc two ~
repeated the capting, went below. "IIeave
two" | hearn him hollcr agin, and stckin
my he'd out of the cabin windcr, Tier.
The hosses becum dosiic eventually, an |
felt better The sun bust out in all his
splcndcr, disregardless of expense, and live
ly Natw put in her best licks We past the
beautiful village of Limy, which lookt sweet
endecd, with its neat white cottages. Insti-
| toots Of learnin and other eviicnces of civil
izashun, incloodin party of bald headed
cullered men who was playin card monty
on the stoop of the Red Eagle taryern. All,
all was food for my poetic sole. went
below to beakfast, but vittlcs had lost their
charms. "Take sum of this" sed the Cap
ting, shown o bottle lords my plate. "Ifs
whisky. A few quarts alters sets me right
when my stummick gifts out of order. It's
a excellent Tonicw | declined the seduc-
tive aooid
(Thursdy.) Didn't rest well last night on
account Of a uprore made by the captng,
who stopt the Botc to go ashore and smash
in the windows OF a grosery. He was bro't
back in about hour, with his he'd dun up
in red Handkerchief, his eyes bein swellcd
up orlul, and his nose very much ont of lint.
| He was bro't aboard on a shutter by his crue,
and deposited on the cabin floor, the pas
senjers all risin up in their births, pushin
the red curtains aside & lookin out to sec
what the matter was. "Why do you allow
your pashuns to run away with you in this
onsccnly stle, my misgided friend ~ scd a
sollum lookin man in flannel Mite cap
Why do you sink yourself to the Beasts of
the iield?"
Well, the fack is, sed the capting, risin
hisself on the shutter, "Pvo ben little
prejoodiced agin that grocery for sum time.
But | made it lively for the boys, Deacon /!
Bet yer lfe?" He arfed a short, wild larf,
and called for his jug Sippin few pints,
he smiled gently upon the passengers, sed
BLESS you! bless your and fell into a
sweet sleep.
Eventually we reached our jerny's end
This was in the days of Old Long Sign, bel
the iron boss was foaldcd. This was be4
steamboats, was goin round Dustin their BIZ
lers & sendin pcple higher nor kite Them
was happy days when pcple was intelligent
q wax figger's & liyin wild beests wasn't
scoffed at
"Oh dase of me boyhood
I'm dreamin on yc now y
(Pocckry) A. w.
WoRDs are great fayorites with people of
small ideas and weak conceptions. They are
often employed by men of mind when they