The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-03-30
DIVERSIONS OF DOESTICKS.
HURRAH FOR Me AND THE OTHER
SCOUNDRELS!
OUR NEW SOCIAL CODE.

magnificent majority that they wouldn't
get much of flashing.
would rather not be an honest man, if
a universal cowhiding should be Inaugural
ted on the basis Of Williams rather indeli-
cate rhyme. You've all heard of the cen
gineer hoist with his own petard y and in
those days you'd probably hear of several
honest men logged with their own cow
hides. And if all the rascals through
the land went Naked" the month of
December, 1861, would find an entire pop
ulatiou in very bad way.
We're going to have new order of
things. I've discovered it; and I'm the
first to take advantage of it. The entire
fabric of our social life, from the base to
the top. is to be overthrown, and the whole
structure rebuilt on a totally different foun-
datiOn.
Rascality is to be tie test of.tdshiOn.
1t won't be long before every fashiOna-
bic family will be as anxious to erase
from their record the stigma of honesty, as
they are now to blot from the family es-
eutcheon the grand paternal Goldfish. In
sAese glorious rascally days now at hand.
it will be as much a verdict of social dam
nation to say of a pretty girl, that her faith
er was man of probity and integrity, as
it now is to say that he was cobler or a
am-peddler. The choicest and most Sc
lect OF our 4" Best Society,"" in the future,
will turn up its critical nose at the pater-
nal faint of incorruptibility and honor,
with a curl quite as scornful as it would
now assume at the information that the
grandfather of an aspiring beauty was a
tinker, who patched brass kettles for cop
per moneys, while his wife sold red onions
in the street by the half-peck.
Heretofore, many scoundrels have been
fashionable men, but i'll the new order of
things, the converse of this proposition
will be accepted as the new gospel, and
al EIshi0aaJie men muSt he ScOaR,treis.
Jam scoundrrl ! hasten to announce
il. Can't you see it for yourself! What
have the men selected by the public for
posts of trust and honor been doing And
these men have been, in many cases, the
leaders Of society. What with Stealing or
Embezzlemenis, by Officers of State !;
ROBBERY or rrculatiou, by Heads of De-
paitmrL,s Vhieving or Abstraction, by
innumera L. Clerks Filching or Appro-
prarions, by Aldermen Pilfering or extra
Il .wanccs, by Common Councilmen !;
! icecing or Matchmaking, by State Legis-
.ators Swindling, by all sorts of Con-
tractors Spoliation, by Special Commit
tees Defalcations by Postmasters and
Completely with all the foregoing by Pres
idents, Governors and Mayors to say
nothing of threats of Pillage, Sack, Ra-
pine, Marauding and murder by the Gen
cral Mob, we shall soon have Honesty On.
rolled among the Obsolete Virtues, and
Fair Dealing added to the list OF Lost
Arts
] am Rascal repeat 1t. Old things
and old-fashioned morals are passing away,
and the time has come for the prOmul ga
cation of Rascality as Cardinal Virtue.
1 am Rascal reiterate 1t. These
pestlent honest men, of whom alas I! L, to
a certain extent, have been one, are now
passing away, and We have q new Deity
Mercury, formerly God of Thieves, but
now the benignmt celestial patron OF
| Office. holders and Oiiice-seekcrs. In five
wears, if the new doctrine continues to
make converts at the present high-pressure
| speed, there won't be honest men enough
left in the land for sceG-there won't be
| half one to the square mile.
I'm n Scoundrei. please bear this i'll
mind S-c-o-u-n-d-r-e-l SCoUNDREL !!
! That's me. la la In a very short
time the honest men will be an extinct
race; Rascals will rule the fashionable
world, and those of us who adopt the new
creed now will, of course he far in adj
vance Of the others, and take the best
places.
want 70 be fashionable man-:hat
i, NJ height Of my Ambition, and so, of
..G-=- J mus, be- Scamp-that is, |
f would noe !, could want to be, am
wiling Sd hr, am dcsirou> t. be the big
. sr- tiaj OF scouEdgr, bu, I've been SO
! aaJ,.;aiiv honest that don't know how
/ "a 20 about it. Show me, somebody.
Vuck
wan, to get into the front rank
/ want to hr Il biz one, to hold an office,
wear kid gloves, have some sort of a horse,
! nrrp a servant or more, go to operas and
/ things, and br f;lshionablc-I must do It :;
; rant be left out in the cold, and won't.
For Hcaven's-l mean for Mercury s.
: SIX" help me, you fast fellows Look at
to mary prospect before me, if You don't.
Sh"n b.. compelled to walk on the un-
, .;,,hl,rau." SIDE Of Broadway am to be
,gr.'.d B., II you stylish R'lscals ? Must
. urryc,uuc,j from the balls, and parties,
and Festive gatherings Of future Society as
30 nuarl man of incorrigibIe honesty
/ must ! be ,rrr"i at as an insane fellow
who actually believes liz honor must ]
81. men OF unmistakable Rascality, whose
! position in Society is assrred-and whom,
of course, ! envy-point to me, ard tap
ping their foreheada with dreadfully sig
uiiieant t,rehngcr, say q" Poor Doesticks
he's weak here he is infected with i'm
practicable ideas OF honor: he really be-
lieves in the existence Of Good Faith