Pomeroy weekly telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy, Meigs County, Ohio) 1860-1866, 1861-07-26
fFrom VANITY Fairy

ARTEMCS WARD IN THE SOUTEz---
-. HIS TRIALS AND ADVENTURES.
had narrer scape from the sonny
South 'sThc swings and arrers of
outrejus fortin," alluded to by Hamlck,
awarn't nothin in comparison to my
troubles. | came pesky near swearin
sum profane oaths r,ore'n onct, but |
hope l didn't do it, for I've promist she
whose name shall be nameess Except
that her initials is Betsey J that III
line the Meetin House at Bladinsville,
Jest as soon as can scrape money
enough together so [ can ford to be
piuss in good stile, like my welthy ma
bers. But if [ m confsticated agn M
fraid / shall contlnner on in my bented
state for sum. time.
/ fgsered conspicyusly in thrllin
seems in my tower from Montgomery to
my humsted, and on seyril occasions I
thought "the crate komic paper
wouldn't never be inriched no more
with MY lubrications. Arter biddin
6adoo to jefferson D., started for the
depo I saw niger sittin on fence a
playin on banjo. "My Afrisin
Brother, sed 1, cotin from Track l
onct red, syou belong to a very interes-
tin race. Your masters is goin to war
excloosively on your account" b"
Yes, boss he replide, san I wish
'em honorable graves.' an he went on
playin the banjo larfn all over an openin
his meuth wide enouf to drive in an old
fashioned 2wheeled shay.
a.. The train of cars in which was to
l. T. Al.
rickyliest lookin let Of consarns that [
ever saw on wheels alone. 'What time
.9dues this string of second hand cofins
lcave?" l inquired Ct the depot master.
He said direckly, and I went in & sot
down. ] hadn't nlore'n fairly squatted
afore dark looking man with swinis-
ter expression onto his courtenance en-
tered the cars, and lookin very sharp at
me, he axed what way my principles?
''Secesh!' | ansered. I'm a Disgo-
luter. I'm in favor of JEFF. Davis,
1sBouregard, Pickens, Capt Kidd, Bloc
beard, Munroe Edards, the devil, Mrs
Cunningham and alltherest of en-"
"You're in favor of the WARP"
"Certingly. By all means. I am in
favor Of this war and also of the next
war. I've been in favor Of the next war
for over sixteen yearsl'
'sWar to the kniver' sed the man.
- "Blud, Fargo blud'' sed l, tho them
words isn't Original with me- Them
words was rit by Shakespeare, who is ded
His mantle fell onto the author of The
Seven Sisters" who's goin to have a
Spring oyercoat made Of it.
We got under way at larst, an pro-
ceeded on our jerney at the rate Of speed
which is ginrally obsarved by properly
conducted funeral professions. A han
sum yung gal, with red musketer bar
on the back part of her he'd, and a sassy
little black hat tipt over her forrerd,
sot in the seat with me. She wore a
little ,Seseshun flag pin'd onto her hat,
and she was goin for to see her troo
love, who had jined the Southern army,
all SO bold and gay. So she told me-
She was chilly, and I offered her a
blanket.
"Father livin?' I axed.
ayes sir"
SCOT any Uncles?'
"a heap. Uncle Thomas is ded, tho" -"
L
success to him! will be your Uncle
Thomas! Lean on me, my Secesher,
and linger in Blissful reposel" She
: slept as secoorly as in her own housen,
and didn't disturb the sollum stiffness
of the night with 'ary snore.
At the first station, troop of Sojers
entered the cars and inquired if 'Old
Wax Works" was on bored. That was
the disrespectively stile in which they
were referred to me. "Becawz if Old
Wax Works is on bored" seq man
with face like double breasted lob
ster, "we're going to hang Old Wax
Works.
"My illustrations and patriotic Bum.
mers!' sez |, g gettin up and takin OF
my Shappoo, ''if you allude to A Ward
it's my pleasin dooty to inform you that
he's ded. He saw the error of his ways
at Is minits past 2 yesterday, stabbed
hisself with stuffed sled-stake, and died
in five beautiful tabloos to slow moosic!
His larst words was, MY perfeshernal
caree is over! jerk no morer"
'fAnd who be your
81 am stoodent in Senator Benjamin s
law ofiss. I'm goin up North to seal
sum spoons and things for the Southern
army"
This was satisfactory and the intossi-
Gated troopers went orf. At the next
station the pretty little Secesher awoke
and sed she must get out there. bid
her kind adoo and gave her some pro-