Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-01-07
VANITY FATR.IsMs.
sla.hed doubless-Mutiiated twins.

Slashed doublets-MutiIated twins.
How TO Mtsr A BANKRuPr-Take no note
of him. hA
Appropriate hymn of rejoicing for the
capture Of Pekin--A Tea-Deum. "
By Our SALESMAN OoNTRmUToR.-The
worst kind of dry-goods for skaters-Fa1
clothing.
BAccHIo DEDUcTIoN.-If spurious ihtoxi-
cation is called "half seas over,n the intoxi-
cation of malt must be called ''half'n' half
.seas-over." t,a,as
ANATOMICAL The tip of the elbow is
sometimes termed the funny-bOne-1on ac-
count, perhaps, of it vicinity to the hui
merus.
The LAST GAsp.-why is Brooklyn a few
shades ahead of Newport?
Newport is all beach-Brooklyn is all
Beecher.
TYpoeRApH1oAL.--G -Garibaldi has Italicized
human freedom, put stop to tyranny, and
justified his cause before the world.
SOUND ON THE DUoK.-The reason an
nouncements of certain class are termed
quack advertisements, is because they sound
like canards.
BY Our PHILADELPHIA CorTRIBuToR.-If
the South Carolina Convention had remained
at Columbia, what sort of nation would
have been organized
Wy, a vaccination.
BY Our HIFALUTrE1sT.--"Pre Bu-
chanan is branded by the age with the mark
of infancy"
Just So Epoch.marked.
Two MORE OF THFM-Messrs. Chang and
Eng, the Siamese Twins, have declared pub
licIy that they are in favor OF the "Union as
tits" whether the original compact was right
or not.
BAD AS CAN BE.--A friend of ours, who
was badly beaten at eucher the other day,
when he expected an easy victory, desires to
know in what way he resembles Mazeppa's
captors2 Because he caught Tartar of the
Ukraine breed.
From last weeks Tanity Fair we clip
these extracts:
A Doa-IRoNIcAL .CoNUHpRUM - What
tradesman reminds us most of big dog2
A CRATE. setter. n
On PICKLES TO preserve onions you
have only to put them into good, strong
pickle while, on the contrary, Unions are
difficult TO preserve in proportion to the in
tensity of the pickle into which they are
put DUbu llSlOG ulS ottlC lOA q AuOsaos
LATE SUSPENSIONS. - Among the other
effects of the present hard times, we notice
the suspension of Blondin's rope-walk, at
Niagara Falls, and are not surprised thereat,
for his business has always been conducted
on very insecure footing.
A PICTURE. Fulton ferry boat
leaving the dock pretty soeU hurried, pas
sengeTS taking immense strides TO get a.
board.
y-StGnders-"Hurry up, hurry mp, there
won't be another boat for as much as two
minutes ~
Moral.-Go it! You haven't moren a
minute TO live, you know-anywhere here in
the Metropolis.
THE IRREPREssIBLE NIGGER.-We regret to
to say any thing which can tend to aggra-
vate the present unhappy disturbance Of the
Union; but our duty rs a leading organ of
public opinion, and our regard for the Con-
stitution of our country, forbid us longer to
conceal fact, the exposure of which must
shake the nation from its centerl 1t is al
ready well known that Mr.. Hamlin is mu-
latto. We are now enabled to state, from
personal examination of the illustrated
papers, that Lincoln was actually born in
A-shanteel
AN ExTRAvAGAET THTEF.-We clip the
| following from an exchange:
"Knocked Dorm By Bundle of SiZUer.--A
thief with bundle being questioned by q
| policeman in New Orleans, early one recent
morning, threw the package at him, knock
ing him down. The bundle contained three
thousand dollars worth of silver, stolen the
night before.
Thus it is that the habits of reckless prodi.
gality acquired at the South ever lead the
impulsive inhabitants of that section of the
Union 10 acts of the most culpable extrava.
gance. In this glad North of ours how diff
ierentl Ten dollars, iudiciously applied
has been known to strike two policemen
| speechless. Once, indeed, having entered 6
Broadway gamSng saloon, for the purpose
of studying character, we remarked sligh
difficulty near the door, between the pro
prietors and policeman; when, horrible Il
relate, one Of the former drew Eve dolla
bill, and, striking the latter smartly upol
the palm with it, blew him up the basenen
steps with force that utterly destroyed hi
memory, and paralyzed his tongue. 1t i
good to live at the North.
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