Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-05
Fact, Fancy and Fun.
Good for a lifts load stone.

One often meets dead men in their
walks-ghosts of their former selves
Bow to destiny. One Of these
days he may be polite and return your
bow. ...---.-.-
Debts are miserable things. They
are fit for nothing under heaven but to
be snnihilated! ess- ss&
Christ is the sun, and all the
watches Of our lives should be set by
the dial Of his motion. " .FsE -
Naomi was five hundred and cigh-
ty years old when she msrried. Nev-
or despair, ancient ladies! ..s..E
You want nothing, do you ?" said
Pat. "Bcdad an if it's nothing you
want, you'll fiud it in the whiskey Jug"
1t is a bad sign to see a man with
his hat off at midnight, explaining the
theories and principles of any political
party to lamp post. ---.-
Dean Swift said, with much truth,
'lt IS useless for US to attempt to rea-
son a man out Of thing he has never
been reasoned into.n ~ a# s@Es
IL Jour friends and associates can
not be amused except. by the tricks of
I monkey, you had better buy them
one than make one of yourself sf.r
An FRESHMAN fights before he rea-
sons a Scotchman reasons before he
lights; q Yankee Is not particnlar-
will do either to suit his customers.
b1-The Sultan of Turkey, it is said,
in view of his domestic expenses and
empty treasury, proposes to "get mp p
loan" lie had better go to bed alone.
Friend, initiate the example of s.
locomotive. He runs along, whistles
over lis work, and yet noscr takes
anything but water to wet his whistle
with ~ a.-s .s.-- --.. -. 49,
a very fierce Palmetto patriot
says. II would rather be hung in South
Carolina than die natural death in
any other State We hope hc.wil
have his wish.
"A wag, on being asked what he
had for dinner, replied: "a lean wife,
and the ruin of man for sauce" His
dinner consisted of 4 spare rib of pork
and apple sauce. aE5 go t...s
"A little girl being asked by her
mother, after she had read the Lords
Prayer, what she. supposed was the
meaning Of amen, said: Il guess it
means goodbye Lord. !" ;.-...-.
MANY true heart that would have
come back like dove 10 the ark, after
its first transgrcssion, has beer fright
cned beyond recall by the savage cru
city Of an unforgiving heart.
The discontented man does not
see what he has, his eyes are SO much
taken up with what he wants; and
| what hc sees he cares not for, because
he cares so much for that which he
has not.
An Irishman on board of vessel,
when she was On the point of founder
! ing, being desired to come on deck, as
she was going down, replied that he
had no wish to go on deck to see him.
self 0roaonea. ...- .,...
An editor in Maine has never
been known to drink any water. He
says he never heard water was used rs
a general remedy but once-in the
time Of Noah-when it killed more
! than il cured. se
How few are aware of the origin
Of the word "boo n'-ofted used to
fri.hten children 1t is corruption of
Bob, the name Of fierce Gothic Gen:
eral, the son Of Odin, the mention of
whose name spread a panic among his
enemies.
"A young apprentice to the sEoe-
making business asked bis master what
answer be should give to the often-re-
peated question, s.Does- yonr master
warrant his shoes % ssAnsvcr. Thom-
as" said the. master, shat warrant.
them to prove good !; and, if they
don't, I'll make them good for moth
ing" - .-..- g. /. I.
| "A clergyman catechising a youth
/ of his Church put the first question in
the catechisn to a girl.
ssWhat is your consolation in, life
and death:'
| The girl smiled butno answer The
teacher insisted.
'W ell,'' said she, s:silice must tell.
it is that Young Devil in the Reporter