The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1861-08-10
From the Vanity Ysr.
The War Fever In BaidiHsy lie.
BY aRTEMUS WARD.


! As sooh as / q recooperatcd my physikil
/ -ysierm, | went over into the village. Tho
! iesam'ry was z lad to see me- The school.
mas Ter sed 1t was cheerin to see that ri gan
TIC intelieck among EN- onct more That's
what he called me | like The school mas
ter, and alters send him tobacker whom
| m Oft ON trareln campaue Besides he
! Is u very sensible man Such men must ia
encouraged
They don't get news very fast in Baldins-
vile, as nothln but plank road in there
twice week, AND that $ very much ont Of
repair So my nabors wash much post
ed up in regard to the wars Squire Bay-
ter sed he voted the Dimicratic ticket
lor goln On forty years, and the war was
dam black Republican lie. 10. StackpVis,
VINO kills hogs for the Squire, and has
got a powerful muscle into his arms, sed
ne q bet - he could lick the Crisis in .
talr stand up hght, if he wouldn't draw .
kniie on him. SO It went--sum was for
war and sum was for peace, The school
master, however, SEQ the slave oligarky
must cover 1T tho feet of tho North ere .
year had flowed by, or pass over his dead
corpse, "Esto perpetua he added, And
sine qua non a.so." said ], sternly, wish-
ing to make impression onto the villa
gers. kequiescaI in deace. sed the
schoo!ulastcr. Too troo, too troo, au.
sered, Its A scanderlus factl'
The noospapers got along at !sst, Ehock
full of war, and the patriotic fever fairly
bust out in Baldinsviile. Squire Baxter
sed he didn't b'iIevc in coercion, not one
OF en-, and could prove by Il file Of Eagles
of ibsrty IN his garrit, that il was all a
" n!g lie. got up TO raise the price of
whisky and destroy our other libertIes.--
but the old Squire got putty rIiy when he
heard how the rebels was cuttIn NJ, and
he sed he Icckonet he should skour up
ms old nusklt and do iittler square fitin
for lac Old hag, which had alters bin OH
tiie Ticket ne 4 voted, and he was too old
10 bolt now. The Squire Is all right a.
heart but 1t t.Le5 LONGER for him to fill
lis venerable t.!sr with steam than it
used 10 VIXEN no WAS younr ard risky
- g:eT-sIy Informed you, / am CapIln of
the baid.HsEIi.c company. riz graooally
hut ma jv>ticiy from druinmer's secretary
10 my pre-ent position. But found the
RANKS wasn't fuli by no means, and COM
Ilenced ior 10 reeroot. Havin notist &
gin-lal desire on the part of young men
who are into the crisis 10 wear eppyiets, /
de ermIned TO have my pauy compos-
ed excl JosIvelv of oifissers, everybody TO
rank Brlgadeer GIurel. The tol!srifI
, WAS among tEs ya!iIs questions which
put TO recgoots:
Do yog know a masked battery from .
hunk Of gingerbread?
DO you know eppylet from piece of
chalk?
If trust YOU with a real gun, how
many men Of yeur owa company do
YOU sptck you can manage 20 kill during
the wGl?
Ilay vcu ever heard os Ginral Price Of
Missouri, ard can YOU avoid similar acc:
dents IN case OF battle;
iiaV you ever had the measles. and il so,
how many
HOY are You BOW
Show me your tongue, &c, &c. Sun, OF
the CUES tIG., We saT-uGstIcaL
The Unpany filled up rapid, and last
Sunday We went 10 the neetln house In
toll uniform. had seris time Citing
into my military harness, as it was bit
for me many years ago: but ! finally got
inside OF il, tho 1t fitted me putty clost.
However. onct into it, | iookt tins-ia
fact avs Inspiring Do you know me,
hirs. Ward sed !, waikin into the
kitchen.
Know you, YOU old fool? OF cou.ss
do
saw at onct thar she did
| started FOR the meetiu house, and N
fraId tried 70 walk too stiAte for | cum
very near talIIn over backwards; aud In
atIemptin 10 recover myself, my sword got
mkt up with ny legs, and fell in among
a choice collection OF young ladies, who
wss standn near the church door a sseIn
the sojer boys come up. Ny cockt hAt
tel Oft, ana sunlhow my coat tales got
twisted around my neck. Tho young
ladies put their handksrchcrs to their
mouths and remarked: "Te he, while
nv aucIcuI i.ma.e single friend, Sary
Fea-ley, bust put into loud iarf She
exercised uer mouth vileptly that her
rev false teeth fell out onto the grouna
Miss Pessley, sed |. sittin and dustin
myself, you must be more careful with
them store teeth of your u, or you II have
have to gum 1t again
Mcthlnks | rad Ter.
d bin to WORK hard all the week, and
felt rather snoopy. I'm traid did git
halt asleep, fur on hearin the minister
ask, " lay was man made to MOURN
seo, - Civ it up, hayIn a vague idee that
il was Il conundrum. 1t was q onfortinit
remark, tor the whole msetin house lookt
al me with mingled surprise and indigna:
ton ! was about risin to a pint OF order,
when ii suddenly occurred to me where
was, and kept my seat, blushin like the
red, red rose-so to speak
The next mornin | rose with the lark
(N. B.-l don sleep with the lark, tho.
goak)
My little dawter was execooti. ballids,
ccompanyin herself with the hand org n,
and she wisht ME 10 linger and hear her
sing: Hank, | hear a angel sii gin, .
angel now is onto the wing
Let him fly, my Chi d. sed !. luck
lin on my armer, must so forth 10 my
biz
We air proSressin pretty we'll with our
/, drill As all air comnandin Otfiasers,
there ain no jellIsy; and We air all sx>
ceedIn smart, It I amt worth while to try
TO outstrip each other The idee OF y
company composed excloosivly of Com
ma,ders in-chieis orrigssrnated, l spose 7
skarcely need say, in these brane Con.
sidered as a idee, tlatter myself it is
putty hetty. We've got all the tacticks
at our tongs' ends, but what we partIcly
excel iu is restin muskits. We can rest
muskits with anybody.
Oar corpse will do its dooty We &c to
the aid of Columby-we fight for the
stars
Well be chopt into sassige meat before
veil exhibit our coat tales to the foe.
Vel fight till there S nothiu left of u
but our little toes, and even they shell
detiantly wiggle!
Ever OF thee, A. WARE