Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12

poSe III tAaI Ihefe BuZzum thereII be
nifty poor nRssin for some Of you ~
Whereupon Old Abe buttoned his Yves
kit clear up and blusht like maidino
OF sweet lG. Jest at this pint of the
conYcrsashun another swarm of oriice
seekers aroye and cum piling inter the
parler. Some wanted post orfccs,
some wanted collectorships, sum want
ed furTin missions, and all wanted sum
thin.
l thot Old Abe would 90 craav.-
He hadn't MORN time to shake hands
with 'en1 atore a1uthcr tremenjis croud
cum porein onto his prcmisis. His
| house and door yard was now perfcck-
" oTertioWcd with offs seekers. avl
clanleruss for . imnejit interview with
u.~ u1 Abe. One man from Ohio, who
mad about seven inches of corn whis-
key inter him, mistook me for Old Abe,
and addressed me as "The Prahayrie
Flour Of the West 20 Thinks l yox
want 2 offs putty bad. Anuther man
with q gold hedcd cane and a red nose,
told Old Abe he was q scckind Wash
ingtun & the pride Of the Boundlcss
West !"
Scz l, "Squarc, you wouldn't take q
sr,laii II post offs il YOU could git it, vi Tr'G
you?'
Sez he, "a patrit is abuy them things,
sir ~
"Therc's q putty big crop of patrits
this sezon, amt there, Square % sez I,
when G}2uttey' crowd Of offs seekers
pored in. The house, dooryard, barn
& wudshcd was now full, and when
d3eethcr crowd cum, I told 'om not to
SO way for want of rune, as the hog
pen was still emty. One patrit frum a
small toun in Mishygin went up on top
the house, got iuter the chimny an slid
down inter parler where Old Abe was
endevcrin to keep the hungry pack NV
offs seekers from chaWin him up alive
without benefit Of clergy. The minite
he reeched the fire place he jumpt up,
bruSht the sut out Of his eyes, and yell
ed "don't make eny pintment at the
Spunkyille Post offs, till you've red nj
papers. MI the respccktaful men in
IL
ment -
"Good God - cridc Old Abe, ''they
cam upon me frum the skize-doun the
chimncys, and from the bowels of the
ycarth -
lie hadn't more'n got them words
out Of his delit<it mouth bel fat offs
seekers frum Wisconsin in cndcayorin
? craul atwecn his legs for the purpose
Of applyin for the tollgateship of Mil
wawky, upset the President clecb & he
wul hev gon sprauliH into the fire place
if hadn't cot him in these arms. But
hadn't morc'n stud him up strait, be-
an0ther man came rushin down the
chimney, his head strillin me violently
agin the inards and prostratin NY vo-
Iuptoos form onto the floor ''1Ir.
Linkin," shouted the infatooated being,
s<my papers IS signed by every clergy
nan III cur town, and likewise the
&boolmaster
Scz I, "yoa cgrcjis ass" gittin up &
bru&hja the dust from mi eyes, 'IIi
sine your papers with this bunch Of
bones, if you don't be q little more
IlcerfilI how You make my bread basket
a depot in fntur. How do yu Ike that
air pcrfumerv ~ scz I, shuving my fist
under his nose. "Them's the kind of
papers I'll give you. Thcn's the pa
pers y0t want -
''But I workt hard for the ticket I
toiIcd mite and day. The patrit shud
! be rewarded -
"Virtoo," sed I, holdin the infatooa-
ted man by the coat collar, 'virtoo, sir,
is it's own reward Look at men'
He did look at me and quailed be-
meath my gaze.
"The fact is" [ continnercd looking
round upon the hungry crowd, "there
is scarcely q offs for every lie lamp
carried round durin this campane. I
wish thar was [ wish thar was furrin
missions to be filled on varis lonely is,
lands, where eppydemics rage inces-
sanity, and if was in Old Abe's place.
I'd send every mothers son of you to
them. What air you here for % | con
tinnered, warming up considerable,
'can't you give Abe a minit's peace
Don't you see he's worried almost tc
death. Go home You miserable men,
90 home an till the sile! Go to ped
dim tin ware-go to chopin wood
: 90 to bilin soap-stutf sassengers-
; black boots-git clerkship on some
respectable manure cart-go round as
original Swiss Bell Ringers-becum
origeneal and Campbell minstrels-gC
to lecturin at $50 a nite-imbark in the
peanut bisniz-urite for the Ledge5--
saw off your legs and go round giving
consents, with techin apeals to char
liable public printed on your handbills
anything for an honest livin, but
don't come round here drivin Old Abe
crazy by your outrajus cuttin up; &c