White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1861-01-03
r.rr.nnrr Apxosii;Trioxs.-Markbam

FarHenrr ADxoxIrroxs.-Markbam
and rus. will in very short time start
below, to take their places in tho Terri
torial Legislature. Both Of them are
youthful and inexperienced in Legislative
affairs, and little fstherly advice from
one. the beard on whose upper lip is
whitened by the frosts Of no less than
thirty Winters. may Iot be amiss. Then
hearken unto the voice Of wisdom:
Don't wear good clothes. If you do.
people will set you down as being either
gamblers. kidnappers. or land specula-
tors. intent upon some rascality. Re
spectacle people in Kansas don't wear
good clothes. If you have any such.
leave them with US before you go.
At your stopping places. don't tell
that yon are members Of the Legislature.
If you do. you will be required to pay in
advance, and all the silver ware in the
house will be locked up at night. To be
sure, this will be no inconvenience to you,
but then it would have bad look to it.
Change shirts only once week. and
make one handkerchief serve you through
the session. Washerwomen keep posted
in Legislative movements; and about the
last week OF the session. you will find that
two or three shirts and handksrchiefs
have come up missing. They my find
their way to ''slop shops" to be retailsd
out to customers and you would feel a
little queer. at the Spring term of the
Court. to detect your private mark on a
shirt worn by Judge Petit or Jim Lane!
Get bed that will hold two, and both
sleep together. Do not, under any cir
cumstances. sleep with anybody else. or
he may seduce you've don't mean that
way; but he may swelve you from your
duty. He will bore you almost to death
with his projects for the public good. Of
which be expects to receive none Of the
benefits; and you will suffer from loss Of
sleep. Or. when you begin to doze. and
become almost oblivious. you will make
all sorts ofreplies to his remarks. When
it comes to the pinch. he will hold you
to the promises You made in your sleep
4 and you. for your words sake. will favor
his projects. although not believing them
to be right. 1t is dangerous to sleep
with people. Remember the affair Of
Tyler and Bolts.
Beware Of oysters and champagne.
You will meet with hosts of kind friends.
who will insist upon treating You to oys-
ter suppers, and at the same time will
discourse upon grand railroad or banking
projects. which cannot fail to make eve
rybody rich. And If you should chance
to vote in favor Of said projects. their
opponents would swear you had been
bribed with the oysters and champagne.
If any man offers to treat you, take it as
an insult. and knock him down.
| Do not accept certificates of shares in
embryo cities. which their liberal propri
etors may offer to you gratuiously. 1t
looks Suspicious to see members of the
Legislature come home with their pock.
cts full of share certificates and besides,
yor will have to pay tax on them.
Dodge every vote upon local questions.
such as railroads. County Seats, etc. II
you don't. the very first time you are up
for the office of Overseer of the Poor OF
Dog. Pelter, you will see your votes pa
raded as overwhelming evidence that you
are an enemy to the interests Of Snipegut
or Polecat's Paradise.
Advocate the abolition of taxes, and
the giving of every man q farm. with a
house and other improvements placed
thereon at the expense of the Territory
If you do. you will have host of friends
to advocate your claims for Congress.
Don't present any divorce bills. Az
sure as you do. the community will de-
clare that you want to marry the grass.
widow; and then il you don't do it. they
will circulate slanderous reports about
you.
Abstain from slap.jacks and sorghum
They will corrupt your morals forever.
and their influence will he observable in
every speech you make. You not long
since witnessed q melancholy instance ol
the kind yourselves.
Fail not to take plentiful supply ol
fne. tooth combs, sulphur, and red pre-
cipitate; for il one. tenth part of the sto.
ries which were circulated about the
members pending their election were true,
before you have associated with them
three days. you will be lousy and havs
the itch!
~ Petitions are being circulated
throughout the County for signatures.
praying the Legislature to pass an aci
submitting the location of the County