Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1861-10-24


There was great rustling Of letters, which
the old bachelors drew by the handful from
their ungallant breeches' pockets and the read
ing commenced, though the names of the fair
authors were withheld, according to rule of
the Society.
"DEAR AND HoNoRED SIR Having had
the misfortune to lose my husband in the bloody
battle of Chipmunk Courthouse. / months
and seven days ago, and having long yearncd
for an arm to lean on, and heart to sympa-
thize with my sorrows-according to the long
prevailing custom, offer you my hand and for
tune, confident that you will not consider the
offer immodest, in view of the exigencies of the
times am twenty-five, light hair; blue, ex-
pressive eyes of good figure; warm temper
ament; no children; $l4 900 in bank, and with
rich relations, though none near enough to
meddle with our affairs. have refused many
offers from single young men, but prefer you
as, though you have but one eye, your attrac-
tions in other respects convince me that you
would make very suitable partner. I'm rea-
dy, at any hour, for any investigation you may
choose to make"
The President here stated that as doubtless
many of the applications were too wordy, it
would be better for each bach to sum up the
contents of each of the notes received, in the
brelest manner The suggestion was approx
ed, and one after another rose and disclosed as
follows:
"Wido,c--32-three brick four story houses
one daughter of four-not Jealous, but COM
pliant-knows am gouty-is a good nurse
had her eyes on me before her husband was
killed"
"Three unmarried ,comen-red, brown, and
black hair-one cury-from 1S to 35-35 of
fers $4,000 in cash down, and cottage in the
country, left bo slain brother. Could have
married nine times but doubted the constancy
of lovers. Believes me to be the thing. The
other two believe that they are the thing, hav-
ing reputa ion of exceeding beauty"
"Maried woman-husband mortally wound
ed--expects news of his death by next army
dispatch. Never loved him-only married for
wealth, and he for beauty. Is 4l.-Wants
some one TO carry on her husbands business,
which gives an income of $4,000 year"
"Widow-l9-three children-oldest, o
splendid farm-reputation for virtue-can show
husbands letters to that effcct-no twtting
about superiority of first misunderstood may
rule the roost."
"Voluptnous rid0,r, %, pretty, accomplished,
fine vocalist domestic. Glad of husbands death
in battle of Palmetto Corner, he fool enough to
volunteer to go to war, and cold enough to
leave her. Wants man of tenacious affection
in his place, Feels worthy of love, can inspire
and reoiprocatc. Has long marked me. Thinks
can cure me of epilcptic fits, and will never give
me any other"
"Maiden of 16-best dancer in New York
no relations but aged -banker-S70, 900
-elopement would bring him to his milk, she
thinks-wants elderly man, because thinks age
is not too particular, and she can have plenty of
company-wants husband to pet her like father
loves balls, parties, and them things"
Il, ~,
manner disposed of, subject to the mutual ad-
vice of the members; and then Bro. Henskin
gave an account of his invitation and visit to a
"Widow's Association with a View to Matri-
mony.'
81 was invited, gentlemen" said Henskin "by
unanimous vote of these widowed ladies, that
might hear, with my own ears, of the deceitful
artfces practiced by unmarried females, who
are in search of husbands, and are in the habit
of sneering at widows; also that | might see
that as the whole sex had agreed upon the pro-
priety Of proposing to the men, no particular
immodesty could be charged upon any one wo-
man. II one was immodest, all WERE
"This, gentleman, was the substance of their
several speeches before the Presidentess; and
| must say that they talked well-in fact, as on
ly woman and a widow can talk. They treat
ed me well, too. When | entered the hall,
|
tative of this society, and set me next to the
Presidentess and a magnificent, plum blonde
she was little, but oh -Jewhackity
81 say it without shame. gentlemen, | think
| could almost have accepted an offer from that
woman-she was so lovely, so fascinatingly vol
uptuous-if it had not been for that speech she
made"
"What was it what was it ?" vociferated the
eager old bachelors.
"Such speech I'm almost ashamed to think
of it. / wouldn't be a woman for"
"Give us the kernel ont" cried all.
"Why, she rose, and after speaking of the ex-
hausting etiectn of the war. and the eventual
deplorable scarcity of marriageabe white men
openly and unbushingly opened upon the sub
ject of amalgamation, advocated it strongly, ant
it was discussed by several widows with grea
warmth.
"When we can't do as we would" argued
they, 1--WE must do as we may. Black men are
almost as plenty as white men in the North
There are many handsome niggers and who
could tell the difference between color in th
dark? What has color to do with the ques
ton? mans a MANFRED, white, black o
cream-color. When q woman marries, sh'
wants something more than color-she wants
heart she wants strong arm she want
"She wants just what she has mind to,
screamed one widow, "and it nobody else
business I"
81 have serious thoughts" said one tall spec
linen of indiscriminate womanhood, "of marry
ing my negro coachman! | have known hin
long enough to be satisfied with regard to him
He has always been faithful to me, and know
he would never try to domineer, because | coulC
twit him of his color"
"'rhis last manifestation of female homoma
MIA brought me to my feet. brother baches, yol
had better believe. l bounded for the door
and after much struggling through a paradis
of secondhand beauty, | managed to escape
though was kissed awfully before my heel
got through the door. Whew they are get
ting desperate"
Brother Henskin sat down and wiped the col
perspiraton from his brow and took copiou
, pinches of snuff from the capacious snuf-box c
, q fellow member.
! There was a gloomy pause after this revela
ton, during which the members seemed to b
pondering upon the apparent depravity of fe
t male taste and the probable influence whic
, amalgamation would have upon their own mat
1 rimonial speculations. They looked discourng
ed.
Seeing this, the jolly President rose to ra
ly.
. "lIa. ha, boys LA, ha! | have long fore
D seen that the superabundance of females woul
Y lead them to favor amagamation but see n
D reason tor us to be disheartened- at al
I These arp really hiuh times fnr white ol1 hocl