Semi-weekly standard. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1853-18??, 1861-06-01
OBITUARY OF UNCLE SAM.

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.That good old soul, we me- er shall him more"
The writer is opposed to extended obituaries,
particularly when they run into fulsome eulogies;
but the individual whose demise it is our painful
duty to record, was so remarkable-had so many
connections, and acted so important part on the
stage of life that departure from Editors requsition
of short obituaries, seems proper. high authori-
ty has said concerning the dead, say nothing but
what is good better guide would be to say moth
ing but what is true. Had this latter rule been OBJ
served, the reproach against mankind of-"as lying
as an epitAph or obituary." might have been avoid
ed We think, therefore, that the truth Of history,
and the good of Uncle Sans numerous connexions,
require that his biographer should allude to his
faults, as well his virtues; but shall naughtex
tenuate nor aught set down in malice.
As the interest of mankind in the biography of a
distinguished individual extends beyond the incl
dents of his birth, life and death, and is curious to
know something of his ancestry, we remark that
the subject of our notice was of English origin, his
father being the celebrated John Bull, sometimes
called Old England. But, alasl for the certainty of
human knowledgel The Legitimacy of Uncle Sam
has beer questioned-some affirming that England
sustained to him not the relation of paternity but of
fraternity. 1t is certain that he sometimes
called " Brother Jonathan" Be this imputation
it may, he had smart sprinkling of English blood
in his veins Uncle SAM though Patriarch, flor
his family was as numerous as a natiOn) did not
attain to patriarchal age for he born in 1887,
or some think, on the 4th of July, 1776. The
truth is he never had a sound constitution. There
were inherent elements of weakness and conflict in
It The Doctors, who met in 1857 to assist at his
birth, saw this, and proposed various remedies to
counteract the seeds of premature death. Some
thought that he would die of plethora others of in
anition Tie first recommended abstinence,
mild diet, and rigid adherence to prescribed regl
men, One Dr. Patrick Henry predicted that he
would be very greedy, absorbing and consuming
the substance of the land. Uncle Sam had a very
large family of children but it must be confessed
that he was neither a judicious nor an impartial
father. As Patriarch or head of family, he used
but little system Sometimes, he too strict, at
others, too lenent-to some he was lavish, to 9TH
ers nggardly in short too frequently he showed
himself step father rather than a natural father
consequently, his children did not live happily to-
gether Chickering's, jeaouses, rvahies, and accu-
sations of partiality and injustice embtered the old
mans declining days. His measures for healing
this domestic dIscord were injudicious and infrm,
resorting to compromises, concessions, promises,
brides and threats-temporary expedents, all OF
which produced only delusive calm, to be succeed
ed by aggravated d!scord.
Uncle Sam was great land-specuator, and
quired immense farms in the West and South,
which he distributed with very little regard to equi
ty, adaptation or pursuit. Many of his children
resided in the South and found out, by actual ex-
pertinent, that they could not work their lands to
advantage themselves; they therefore purchased
negroes, and found that they could work the lands
to the advantage of both. But Uncle Sam, under
the dctation of his Northern children resisted this
natural, profitable and benevolent system Of cuti-
walton, excluded slaves from part Of the common
land, attempted to drive them away from another,
and actually went so far to say that he would
not allow them to be used on the old farms,
which mis- Southern children had got not from him,
but by fee simple title, from their grandfather,
John Bull
These domestic troubles had their logical effect
upon the old gentleman's constitution which, with
an imprudence not uncommon with invalids he
sometimes entrusted to mere pretenders to the heal
ing art to quackS, in fact, who exhibited the most
various and opposite remedies yet each one claim
ing for his prescription the merit of being specific.
One treated him for weakness of the joints another
for congestion OF the BRAIN and yet another for COL
lapse. One stuffed another depleted him. until the
old mans constitution, like Sir John Stockings ever
darned silk hose, tnkered and patched up,
that but little of its original stamen remained I'm
Gle Sam passed through many grand clmactercs,
none of which seemed to benefit him. The most
important Of these periodic changes was that of
1860, when he elected one Abraham Lincoln, a
creature of his Northern children to be overseer of
his whole domain. This great insult and a
great injury, for the said Abraham Lincoln was
great enemy Of the Southern branch of the family,
ignorant Of their institutions, interests and charac-
ter. The Southern members in vain protested
against this appointment; it was consummated
and the 18th Of April, 4. D., 1861, head over
seer, Lincoln gave an order for $4,000 assistants to
join him. for the purpose of whipping his Southern
brethren into strict submission to his i'll gotten
thorty This prospect of brethren shedding each
others blood was too much for Uncle Sam to bear,
in his senility and imbccility, which had been
nually increasing. lie died the rery day the bloody
order was issued "Requescat in pace"
1t may be gratifying to the surviving friends of
Uncle Sam, to learn that the most Of his Southern
children have appointed the Hon. Jeff. Davis over
seer, and declare their intention, with bis assist
ance to wrest the old family mansion from its pres
ent vulgar occupants; thoroughly cleanse, ventate,
fumigate and repair it. ferret out the rats stop up
their holes smoke out the bats and thus restore it
to the beauty and purity which it exhibited, when
it occupied by GEORGE WASHINGTON the first and
best of Uncle Sans overseers.
d. CAROLINENSIS.
Hillsboro', May II, 1861.
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