The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1861-05-08

| SCHS1HAcnts 0NO xnllO8Opny.
The virtue which parleys is near sur.
render.
Fair dealing is the bond and cement oi
society.
However little we may have to do, let us
do it well.
Nothing begets confidence sooner than
punctuality.
Men wounded by the explosion of bomb.
shells are wounded mortdrly.
Rosseau says no man can ever love wo
men who wear blue stockings.
Many complain that they are not appre
ciated simply because they are.
Never employ yourself to discover thu
faults Of sthers-look to your own.
When people say necessity knows ne
law" they probab'y forget the poor law.
A dirty fellow who never washes himsel
may be said to preserve the landmark"
Ladies, please be sweet, but don't be toe
formal. Be roses, but do not be prim-roses
| A sufficient xplanation-Tom-"Wh ha
ails your eye, Joey JOEL told man h
lied"
A stranger is received according to hi,
ress, and taken leave of according to hi.
merit
| Vanity Fair dcnominatcs the rulers o
Southern Confederacy-Thed dynasty of thu
Sellers.
Present and Future-The cry Of tht
South just now is secession. By and by il
will be cessatin.
"There is divinity that shapes our ends,
as the dough-nuts remarked, when the girl
was making them.
Never was any party, faction, sect or cabal
whatsoever, in which the most ignorant was
not the most violent
People too often forget, that, in beauti
lul work Of imagination, the natural should
be ideal, and the ideal natural.
Whatever is necessary to be done can be
done. Nature is too wise and benefcent t.
yoke necessity with impossibility.
A young lady shouldn't be unhappy be-
cause she isn't as tall as she would like to
be. 1t is an easy matter to get spliccd.
Courting has been almost reduced to a.
art; it can be gone through with as one
plays on the guitar--by little Jinger-rsng
"Why did Adam bite the apple?" sale
the schoolmaster to one Of his pupils
Because he hadn't any knife" replied the
urchin.
"You look" said a wag, to pale hag
gard smoker, as if you lad got out of your
grave to light your cigar, and couldn't fine
your way back"
Aristotle was asked what were the ad
vantage of learning. He replied, it is ar
ornament to man is prosperity, and re
iugc in adversely.
II don't believe it is any use, this vacci
nating," said an old lady. II had a child
vaccinated, and it fell out of the window :
week after, and got killed."
Mary Strong, of Margate, Maine, is 1o5
years old. She says "she blesses de good
Lor' dat He didn't put any white blood in
her veins, to spile dc constitution"
Eloquence consists not in many words
but in few the thoughts the associations
the images may be many, but the acme oI
eloquence is the rapdity of their expression
Life is like a theatre in this respect that
although during the performance we hole
higher and lower places, we all mix in ono
common stream when the play is over, and
we go home.
Dramatic-Johnson (to dissipated young
party, inclined to theatricals) Say, Stimp.
kins, you've good legs for tights.
Simpkins, with wild larf'O Yes
they've been on 'em often enough!
! Hogs kept all the time wallowing in their
own filth, can neither be healthy, nor make
good. nutritious pork. The stencil Of the
pen permeates the tissues Of the animal
through the medium of the lungs.
The following note was lately received by
send me by the boy pair of trace ch"ins,
and two door hinges. Jane bad twins last
night-also two padlocks. Yours, &C."
The following verdict was given and writ.
ten by the foreman of a coroner's jury
ave arc of \ Pinion that the Decest met
with her death from Violent infirmation in
the Arm, producest from Unoan Cauz."
A member Of the Missouri Legislature
recently proposed to have the State printing
done by convict labor; but, upon invcsti-
CATION, it was found that there was not and
neuer had been a printer in the Missouri
State Prison.
Mrs. Partington says, that "when she
was gal she used to go to parties, and al
ways had beau to extort her home. But
now," says she, 1.-THE gals undergo all sorts
of decliyities the task Of extorting them
home revolves on their dear selves"
"Wel, Patrick" asked the doctor, show
do you feel to-day?'
"Och, doctor, dear, I enjoy very poo,
health entirely This rumatics is very dis
tressin' indade; when go to slape lay
awake all night, and my toes is swilled as
) large rs a goose hens eggs, an SO whin
STAN up falls down immajetly."
"a beautiful day, Mr.. jenkins" eyes
very pleasant, indeed" "Good day for thu
race" Race! what racey" "The human
race" ooh, 60 along with your stupic
Jokes; get up good one like the one with
which I sold Day" "Day! what Day ?
1.-The day we celebrate" said jenkins, wht
went on his way rejoicing.
, A preacher, whose text led him to speal
of the prophet Jonah, remarked incidental
: ly: II am of the opinion Jonah was al
old man, neither smoking nor chewing
from the fact the fish retained him so Ions
in his stomach If the fish had swallowee
the house we are worshipping in, he wonlt
no doubt, have puked himself to DEATH"
A country editor, noticing the decease o
a wealthy gentleman, observes: "He ha
died regretted by numerous circle o
friends and leaving widow as disconsolat
as any widow need be, who has obtaine,
the uncontrolled possession of five hundred
per annum. More than twenty young me,
have sent letters Of coincidence to her."
A short time since there was fancy ball
and two young ladies with conductor pre-
sented themselves (not in costume) at tn
entrance. Your character?" asked tn,
usher in whisper 1--WE do not appear il
coSf uma tO niUh, ~ coid tho odiec Nrw,