, 1861-01-03

Old DR.. Cooper, Of South Carolina, used to
say TO his students, Don't be afraid Of little
dirt, young gentlemen. What is dirt? Why,
nothing at al offensive, when chemically viewed.
Rub little alkali upon that dirty grease spot
on your coat, and Il undergoes a change, and
becomes soap. Now rub Il with little water
and Il disappears; Il Is neither grease, soap,
water, nor dirt That is not very odorous pile
Of dirt you observe there. Well, scatter little
gypsum over il, and Il is no longer dirty. Every
thing you call dirt is worthy Of your notice as
all separate very clean elements. Dirt makes
corn, corn makes bread and meat, and that
makes very sweet young lady that saw one
Of you kissing last night. So, after all, you
" re kissing dirt particularly II she whitens
her face with chalk or Fullers earth. There is
no telling, young gentlemen, what is dirt"
The Big Tree Bulletin tells Of esquire" who
swore at a man thus: "Rise upon your feet,
take of your hat, hold up your right hand, and
turn your eyes towards heaven; now, then, you
do solemnly appeal TO Almighty God, the aven-
ger Of ell falsehoods and evil deeds done here in
the body, to appear as witness against you in
the great day when all iniquity shall be punished,
and in his Almighty presence you do swear
that, according to your best information, and the
best Of your knowledge and belief that you are
not twenty one years Of age, 50 help you God"
al de-" says Ephraim.
J. "May God Alnighty have mercy on your
soul, for don't believe d-d word Of it"
There is pretty German story Of blind
man, who, even under misfortune, was happy
happy In q wife he passionately loved; her
voice was sweet and low, and he gave her credit
for that beauty which Chad he been painter)
was the object Of his idolatry. A physician
came, and curing the disease, restored the hus.
band to sight which he chiefly valued as Il would
enable him 10 gaze on the lovely features Of bis
wife. He looks, and sees face hideous in ugli-
ness lie Is restored to sight, but his happiness
Is over. Is not this our history9 Our cruel
physician is Experience.
During the Revolutionary War, tho Earl Of
Dartmouth asked an American In London Oi
how many members Congress consisted to
which the reply was, flfty-two."
Why, that is the number Of cards IN a pack,
said his lOrdshp; "Pray, how many knavcs are
thcreH"
"NOt one" returned the republican; "ploasc
reeOllect that the knaves are court cards"
One Of the best double puns we have ever
heard, was perpeirated by clergyman. He had
just united in marriage pair whose Christian
names were respectively Benjamin and Ann.
How did they appear during the ceremony y
inquired friend.
aThey appeared both Gnnie.mated and bennie.
fited," was the ready reply.
The following Is Uerbdtim Ct Merdtim ord, Il
received by an undertaken in the 10 very, re.
Gently, from an afflicted widower living On Pear
street:
%Sur-my, waif Is dead, aud wants to be
berried to morror, for Wun er klok. U nose
wair to dig the hOle-by the side Of my tOtheI
waiGes-let 1t DO deep"
On board the Cunard steamers, divine service
Is read every Sunday morning. A passenger,
one Sunday, asked one Of the crew, Are you
obliged to attend public Worship" "Not ex.
actly obliged, SIR" replied Jack, "but VIC would
lose our grog Il we didn't"
:" wish you would pay little attention, sir, '
said stage manager TO q careless actor. "Wcll
l'n paying as little as | can" was the calm
reply. sHareEa
"l shouldn't care 40 much about the bugs, Y
said thin, pale lodger to his landlady; sbul
the fact g, ma'an, hain't got the blood to
spare.p
"A little boy Of certain village, being asked
IN Sanday-schoOl "What Is the chief end ol
man :" answered, T" The end what's got the head
on"
Temperance, health and wealth are brothers,
generally living together In peace.