Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-10-12

have inquisitive neighbors. [ took q
table in one end Of the kitchen, while
Tom took one in the dining-room, Sc
that we should not interfere with each
other.
AS I stood considering what to put
into the pie-crust besides sugar, eggs
and all-spice, heard Tom saying to
himself:
GA pint Of eggs and six grains Of SUI
gar; r;-then spice to your taste. Here,
Bob, here's an enigma to solve how in
the world shall I weigh pint Of eggs,
and count six grains of sugar ?"
ooh, that's easy enough; use the
scales for the eggs, the microscope for
the sugar, and as to the spice | should
think ginger and cinnamon would do.
[ really believe you don't know any
thing about cooking; pretty husband
you would make. Don't forget the
milk; you will find it in the store
ROOM"
A smothered laugh came from the
store-room, and softly whispered
''Look here, Bob!' | tip-toed along,
expecting to find tiger or a rattle
snake but what a sight met my eyes
There sat a Mrs. Grimalkin and her in
teresting family Of four, tapping the
milk reserved for our pudding. Wo-
mans weapon was in great demand,
and a divorce was granted between
Mrs. Broom and Mr. Handle, and our
biscuits hastened the exit Of the Gri-
malkins Jr., two of whom never again
made their appearance, while their af-
fectionate mother made shining path
through square Of glass.
AS Tom was errand boy, he took a
large pitcher and went out after more
milk. While he was gone I amused
myself by singing, 'There'Il be no
more sorrow there" when, to my great
sorrow, the door bell rang, and, being
directly over my head, was the cause
Of gymnastic exhibition, which clos
ed with the downfall of China and,
with pantomine gestures, I stood amid
the ruins, and thought Of the confusion
at Babel. Ding, ding, went the bell,
each pull louder than the last. Icould
not go to the door, for was not "dress-
ed to receive company" | could peep
out of side curtain and see who had
favored me by calling. AS Twas creep
ing along, and when almost TO the door,
[ stepped upon my apron, and, like
lutiful subject. | obeyed the laws of
gravitation, and struck my head with
such force that | saw stars without
looking for them. [ heard q laugh
outside, and some one said:
ooh, | can wait. Please put the
trunk on the steps,"
[ groaned both mentally and physic-
ally, ooh, if Tom would only come y
He could 90 to the door, for he looked
quite decent. Our caller, whoever it
might be, was determined to enter.-
ooh Tom, why don't you come ?" and
as ifin answer to my wish, [ heard
crash down below
| ran down stairs, and there lay poor
Tom on his face, completely deluged
with milk, the pitcher broken, and the
streams of milk running in all direc-
tions.
II should think you ought to know
better than to leave a broomstick across
the doorway for a fellow to tumble ov-
er. Here I've spoiled my clothes, cut
my nose, and [ can't tell you what IL
ternal injuries [ have received; and
through your carelessness. If this is
what you cali housekeeping, [ must say
/ am heartily sick of it. You may fin
ish that pudding-I wont touch it."
"HuSh, Tom: don't speak so loud ; if
you do we are ruined men. We have
no time to cry for split milk, for we
have company on the door-steps, and
they are determined to gain an en-
trance. There's that contounded bell
again! It's no use might as well go to
the door"
| took off my apron, smoothed my
hair, washed my hands, and put on my
company face, while Tom went to his
room to make himself whole; leaving
footprints by the way, not such as
LOnGtellOW would have us leave, TO
cheer the heart of a forlorn brother,
but footsteps that an ambitious brother
might see, and his predecessors aspire
to tread the milky way.
opened the door, and there stood
the handsomest specimen Of humanity
my eyes had ever beheld. AS soon as
she looked at me she broke INTO a
hearty laugh, andrecovering her breath,
a laugh was introduced between every
word, as she asked if Mrs. O. was at
home.
''No, Miss, she is not at home; she
is out Of town." [ stammered.
"She will not be gone long, I sup
pose, and [ can stop until she returns" :"
Visions Of broken china snilt milk