davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
Summer Sours.

Physiological research has fully es-
tablished the fact that acids promote
the separation of the bile from the
blood, which is even passed from the
system. thus preventing fevers, the
prevailing diseases of summer. All
fevers are bilious, that is, in the blood
What ever is antagonistic to fever is
cooling and also berries of every
description and it is because the
acidity which they contain adds in
separating the bile from the blood,
and aid in purifying the blood. -
Hence the great yearning for greens
and lettuce. and salads in the early
spring, these being eaten with vinegar !;
hence also the. taste for something sour
for lemonade, on an atta"t of fever.
But this being the case, it is easy to
see that we nullify the good effects of
fruits and berries in proportion as We
eat them with sugar, or even sweet
milk or cream. IF we eat them in
their natural state, fresh, ripe, perfect,
it is almost impossible to eat too many
to eat enough to hurt US. especially if
we eat them alone not taking any
liquid with them whatever. Hence
also is buttermilk CT even common
sour milk promotive to health in sum-
time. Sweet milk tends to bilious
ness in sedentary people, sour milk is
antagonistic. The Greeks and Turks
are passionately fond Of sour milk.
The shepherds use rennet, and the
milk dealers alum to make it sour
sooner. Buttermilk acts like water
melons on the system. Halls Jour-
mol Of Health.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
. SMITHS }, AMONG THE GERMANS

SMITHS " AMONG THE GERMANS. -
There is g German society composed
entirely of the Smith family. The
following is the roll list :-Smit, big
Smit, little Snit, Smit form the holler,
Smith nit de hill, Smit nit de store,
Smit nit de Blacksmith shop, Smit
NIT de lager beer-shop, Smit nit a
vrow, Smit wat wants vrow, Smit
NIT one legs, Smit nit two leg, Smit
NIT de pig he'd, Smit NIT &c swell he'd,
smit NIT de brick yard, Smit init de
canal boats, Smit nit de junk-store,
Smit nit de hardware shop, Smit nit
de curley he'd, smit de fireman, Smit
nit one eye, Smit NIT Dc long nose,
Srnit nit two vrows, Smit nit de whis-
kers, Smi5 mitout de whiskers, Smit
nit de black hair, Smit NIT no hair,
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

To READERS We often hear peo-
pie say they don't read the advertise
ments in a newspaper If they tell
the truth, all we have to say is, they
loose half the value of the paper
thereby. There is nothing in any Pa
per, not even the best conducted local
column, that so truthfully reflects the
business, character and population OF
a city our county as the advertise
men.s in the newspapers. Show US a
pa per well filed with business adver-
tisements, and we will show you a
town prosperous in all its relations,
surronndee by community intelligent
enterprising and wealtty.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

General Mcclellan is small man,
being about FIVE feet FIVE inches in
height, aud almost boyish in his man
rers and appearance. He is probably
ttirty-fve years of age, and inclined
to be feshy He has good head,
firmly set upon sturdy neck, hair cut
close, bronzed complexion, dark blue
eyes, nose springing from his forehead
at sufficient angle to indicate chas-
acter, clean cut chin, and mouth t'in
lines of which indicate good-bGiA.e
aud 6rmness in about equal proper
tious. In dress be might readily pass
for private soldier in the Rhode ISL
and persuasion" wearing blouse and
pants of blue wool, shoulder strapless,
and vestless. General Mcclellan Is
not fluent of speech, apparently, and
doubtless dosen'C care to be.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
Havoc of Life by War.

It is difficult to conceive what fear
full havoc war has made of human life.
Some Of its incidental ravages seem to
defy all belief. 1t has at times entire
ly depopulated immense districts. In.
modern, as well as ancient times, large
tracts have been left so utterly DESC
late, that traveller might psss from
village to village, even from city to
city, without finding solitary inhab-
liant. The war of 1859, waged in the
heart of Europe, left in one instance
no less than twenty contiguous villa
ges without single man or beast.
The Thirty Years. War, in the
seventeenth century, reduced the pop
ulation of Germany from 100000
to 1000, OO0-three fourths; and
that of Wurtemburg from 100000 to
48, OO0-more than nine tenths l.
Thirty thousand villages were des-
troyed in many others the popula-
ton entirely died out; and in dis
tricts once studded with towns and
cities, there sprang up immense for
ests.
Look at the havoc of sieges lin
that of Londonderry $4,000 soldiers,
beside a vast number of inhabitants !;
iu that of Paris, in the sixteenth CEN
tury, 1000 victims of mere hunger !;
in that of Malplaquet, $4,000 soldiers
ALONE; in that of Ismal, 10000; of
Vienna, 10000; of Ostend, 10000
of Mexico, $4,000; Of Acre, $780,
600; of Carthage, 100000; of Je-
rusalem, 100000.
Mark the slaughter of single bat
tles-at Lebanton, twenty-five thou
sand at Austerlitz, thirty thousand;
at Eylau, sixty thousand at Water
loo and Quarter Bras-one engage
ment, in fact--seventy thousand !; at
Borodino, eighty thousand at For
tenoy, one hundred thousand at Ar
bella, three hundred thousand OF
| Cbalons, three hundred thousand ISL
petes were slain by Julius Cesar in
one battle, and four hundred and
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

THERE is nothing funniT in Cock
neY vernacclar than James letter,
when he is in doubt about which to pre-
fer Of his two lady loves, Mary Ham
and Habgolina. He writes
There they stood together, them
two young women. l don't know
which is the handsomest. coodut
help comparing them; and 1 coodnt
help comparing myself to certain
hannimale I'ge read of that found it
difficult to make choice betwigst 9
bundles of AZ
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

PLAYING CARDS FOR WIFE.
constable in Williamsport, Indiana,
while paying visit to young lady
living few miles away, proposed a
game of euchre as the evenings enter
tainment, which was accepted by the
young lady When the cards were
dealt the young lady proposed :" fly
err " of $50, to which the constable
dtmurred. The yonng lady protested
that she would never play unless there
was some stake up, bat the gent still
demurred, when, as compromise, the
lady proposed that they would play,
and if she beat him he should marry
her, which the gallant constable couldn't
do otherwise than accept. At it they
went, and the lady proved to be the
winner. The constable was invited
to stay all night, and in the morning
they would proceed to the Squire'S
to be made one flesh. He plead
pressing business and went away
She followed him to his fathers and
stayed there three days without see,
ing the young man, when a compro-
mise was affected by paying the dis
cons Gate lady $3.50 to fill the breach.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
goet's Mook.
VIVA LA AMERICA.

Noble Republic, happiest of lands,
Foremost of nations Columbia stands
Freemen's proud banners float in the skies,
Where shouts of liberty daily arise.
United we stand, divided we fall,
Union forever, freedom to all.
Throughout the world our motto shall be
Vive la America, home of the free.
To all her heroes, justice and fame,
To all her foes a traitors foul name,
Our stripes and stars still proudly shall wave
Emblem of liberty, flag Of the brave.
United we stand, divided we fall,
Granting home ar freedom to all.
Throughout the world, cur motto shall be:
Viva la America, home of the free.
Should ever traitor rise il the laud,
Cursel be his homestead. withered his hand,
shamed, be his memory, seorn be his lot,
Exile his heritage, his name blot.
United we stand, divided We fail,
Gladly We'll die at our country's call.
Througho ut the world our motto shall be
Viva la America, home of the free.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

Stage Drivers Whip him into the
traces Touch up his leader with
the string.
Doctors-His system is deranged-
give him blue pail! Bleed. ham =
Farmers-Mow him down Plow
him under He is a good fertilizer !
Merchants-Set:le his accounts !
Don't eompromi Sc with him ! Serve
the execution (!
Broker-Take tight note of him
and put him through
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

A MAKEUP BLUNDER "A very
laughable mistake is shown Ia The fol-
lowing mixing Of two articles--one
concerning preacher, the other about
the freaks of a mad dog-which oe-
CURED in hurried make up:
The Rev. james Thompson, rector
of st. Andrews church, preached to
large concourse of people on Sunday
last. This was bis last sermon. In
few weeks he will bid farewell to his
congregation, as his physician advises
him to cross the Atlantic He ex-
horted bis brethren and sisters, and af-
ter the conclusion of prayer TOOK
within to cut up some frantic freaks.
He ran up Timothy street to COlledge.
At this stage of proceedings couple
of boys seized him and tied tin kst
tie to his tail, and he again started.
A great crowd collected, and for
time there was a grand scene of run
ming and consufion After long
race he was finally shot BY a police
man.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
Philosophy of Rain.

To understand the philosophy of
this beautiful and often sublime phe-
nomenoa, so often witnessed since the
creation, and essential to the very ex-
istence Of animals, few facts derived
from observation and long train of
experiments must be remembered
/. We're the atmosphere every
where, at oil times a. uniform tempera-
ture we should never have rain. or
hail, or snow. The water absorbed
by it from the sea and the earth's sor-
face would descend into an impgcep-
tible vapor or cease to be absorbed
by the air when once fully saturated
2. The absorbing power of the
atmosphere, consequently its eapabil-
ity to retain humidity, is proportion
ately greater in cold than in warm
air.
3. The air near the surface of the
earth is warmer than it is in the re-
gion Of the clouds. The higher we
ascend from the. earth the colder do
we find the atmosphere Hence the
perpetual snow on very high noun
tains in the hottest climates. Now,
when from continual evaporation the
air is highly saturated with Vapor,
though it be invisible and the SKY
cloudless,i if its temperature is sudden
iy reduced by cold currents of mir
rushing from above, or from higher
to a lower altitude, its capacity TO re-
tain moisture is diminished, clouds are
formed, and the result is rain. Air
condenses as it cools, and like sponge
filed with water and compressed,
pour3 out the air which its diminished
cannot hold
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

A good story is told in Chicago
about rents A party leased a fine
house to a merchant in ID business,
al 200 per year. The panic and
war came on. Tenant informs the
landlord he cannot pay such rent.
"What can ycu afford to pay?"
Not over half that sum-
VERY well, you shall have it for
$6O0n
Toward the end of tie quarter ten
and informs the landlord he cannot
pay that
What can You pay now"
''Nothing-I am doing no bust
ness
Every well, I want my house taken
care of, and you may stay without
rent"
A short time after, in passing by
the house, he found the tenant NOV
ing his furniture and asked him what
that was for.
"Why, you don't think I am such
fool as to stay in that house when |
have found a much better one for
nothing"
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
B. B. BLACKWELL, EDITOR.

This city was equally active. Smart
schooners were armed, manned, and
off in single week. Two or three
! guns were Ill they wanted. W 'ile in
numberless cases single long tom
was all they asked for The next
week brought them back with from
/ one to half dozen prizes. The dash
AID daring ofthese vessels was incredi-
BILE, showing that in the merchant
service lay the great national reliance.
They secured every sea, haunted eve
ry coast, and captured with the ut
most sudacity on the coasts of Eng
land and Ireland Some of their ex-
ploits have never been exceeded by
any performance in the Navy Of any
country. The privateer Paul Jones,
of three guns, captured the ship Has
san of fourteen. The Teazer, mere
cockboat with two guns, CALAMITY
took the ship Osborne Of ten guns
and 5000 tons burthen She after
ward captured the Clark, much lar
ger vessel, with sixteen guns, having
carried her in few minutes by board
ing. The Franklin, of this port,
captured seven British ships in cruise
Of two weeks, all of which were arm
ed The John, of Salem, took eleven
in three weeks On one occasion an
armed whaleboat captured an English |
brig, on whose deck the boat was
afterwards hoisted and carried by the |
brig into Portland Vessels belong
ing to the British Navy were repeat
edly captured hy our priiateees. |
The defence ofthe General Armstrong
in the larbor of Fayal, has never
been surpassed in gallantry. All these
vessels were commanded by merchant |
captains whom the war had made
idle, not one Of whom had served in
the Navy one hour Paul Jones, and
in fact all the other Commanders Of
national ships in the Revolution, we're
taken from the decks of merchantmen
to the command Of frigates. Our
early history is crowded with The re-
cord Of their brilliant achievements.
1t appears to us that the Govern
ment is overlooking the immense pow
er of this now half idle interest. The
merchant service contains thousand |
vessels which could be manned by men
as daring IS any that swept British |
commerce from the ocean fifty years
ago, and which could be most advan- |
tageously employed to close up every |
little coastwise inlet of the Rebel |
States, logging and capturing their
inland shallops, and sending their pi-
rates to thu bottom These craft |
need but day or two'S preparation
to sail-a gun or two slung aboard, |
lockers filed, sails set, and they are
of. A small feet of them would cork |
up New Orleans, Mobile, Charleston,
auG relieve ponderous feet drawing
so much water as keep it miles away
from the port intended to be close. |
On the Mississippi this class of men
would be of especial value. In all
previous straits the Government has
fallen back upon it as q sort of last
resort-in this it would be wise to
look to it at first. The Tribune.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
VOLUME 3. NUMBER 1916

on deck. in the midst of which he was
seated, weapon in hand. Being told
the ship was fast going to pieces, he
replied, " The ship may go-I have
lived a poor rascal E Il my life and / am
resolved to die rich" Remonstranee
was vain, and poor Jack, who preferred
the death of rich man to the life of
"poor rascal" g as left to die alone
in his glory.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

Mrs PARTINGToN's AsT.-Ike goes
for soldier-Mrs Darlington makes
q farewell address T"I Ike, my son,
stand up while / dress you-hold my
bonnet and specks y Fellow SOL
diere: It is the abandoned duty of all
to be patriarchial in these times, and
to baud down unrepaired, the glorious
flag to all seeding generations y
Here Ike commenced counting off the
new fashioned cheer, swinging the old
bonnet up and down as he went in, one
two, thres-tiger March heSita-
tin2ly into the contented field, and if
q rebel demands your quarters, tell
him you had but three, and the last
one is spent; then, if be wont quit
and leave, quit yourself like man, ,
and may you have a glorious campaign
Of TT
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28
9 You have lost your baby. [ hear, ,

"You have lost your baby, hear, "
said one gentleman to another. Yes
poor little thingl it was only FIVE
months old. We did all We could for
it. We had four doctors, blistered its
head and feet, put mustard poultices
all over it, gave it nine calomel pow
ders, leeched its temples, had it bled.
and give it all kinds of medicines, and
yet after a weeks illness, he died."
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

4 VERY good story is told in the q.
S. Journal, of sailor on board yes
sci laden with Spanish dollars, which
had been wrecked. The crew were
taken off the wreck in boats, and just
before the last boat was pushed off, a
man was sent back to ascertain if there
might not still be some one left. On
arriving on the main deck, where the
casks had been left, he found fellow
who had broken open several Of the
recepfacles Of base lucre, and spread
the contents thereof en- able cloth
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

WHERE Do THEY CONF FROM
Grandpa, where do the people get
their fashions from ~
From Boston"
Where do the Boston folks get
them fromH"
From England"
And whore do the English people
get them from ?"
From France 2"
And whore do the French people
get them from ?"
Why right straight from the devil ];
there now stop your Eoise and go to
bed.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

OLD SAWS New SET. "a burden
which one chooses is not felt We
once chose burdonsome hat. which in
spite of our volition was "felt.n
ga weak watch invites a vigilant
foe." Yes-and the foe" in question
is the watch-repairer, who is always
on the look Tout for weak watches.
"a fop is the tailor's friend and his
own foe." Not always. Sometimes
he Is his own friend and the tailor's
foe.
"a penny saved is twice earned
Then 1t isn't worth saving ?
"Ask thy purse what thou shouldest
buy" We asked ours. the other day,
what we should buy But Echo, most
preversely, didn't answer +" buy "
Custom invariably lessons admira.
tions. Not invariably. Ask the
shop-keepers,
Business is tie salt II life. F." Very
likely. But who wants salt for per
petual diet
"Better to be let alone than in bad
company. True, but unfortunately
many persons are never in so bad
company as when they are alone.
"Debt is the worst kind Of prov er.
ty." Not exactly There are people
so poor that they can't get into debt.
Debt to them would be property in
stead of poverty.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

How to make Paradise. Bay one
acre Of ground. Fence it. Build g
neat cottage on it. Plant it with
shrubbery, and make grand, beauti-
full garden all around it. Marry an
angel in hoops, and take her home to
the cottage Go home 10 the cottage
yourself. Abstain from all villainpus
drinks. Join the church and become
a good christian, live uprightly before
God and man, and you viii have re-
gained all the original Paradise that
has survived the fall. -
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

The New Haven Register said that
prize fights were encouraged by the
Jews, but on being pushed FOR It's
authority, said it copied the item from
some other paper, and added
"W3 shall dodge behind that
passage Of Scripture, which says two
shall be grinding at mill That'e
all zoe know about it.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

So here Tam, between two tail
ors, said fop at public table, where
couple of young tailors were seated
who had just commenced business for
themselves. True" was the reply,
"we are new beginners, and can only
afford to keep one goose between rs"
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

You've America. A lad was called
to stand in the Common Pleas Court.
whose tender years raised a doubt as
to his competency as a witness by not
understanding the nature and obliga-
t on of an OATH
The question was:
Are you the son of the plaintiff :"
The little fellow, crossing his legs
and deliberately putting about one
half paper Of tobacco in his mouth,
with the utmost sang froid, replied :
Well, it's so reported"
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

A Dun IN CHURCH A man went
into church in Brooklyn during divine
service, and dunned the pastor. Rev.
Mr.. Lowell, for bin of eight dollars
He was arrested but discharged, the
evidence showing that the defendant
had do. nothing more than ask fer
what was due him, which be had
right to do on all occasions.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

A GENTLEMAN having married
lady Of the name of Lamb, who had
vely little beauty, but very great
fortune, was ted by an acquaintance
that he would not have taken the LAMB
had it not been for the fleece,
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28


10 supply of wind, and cool off
little. So when he got around to
tree shat stood thar, he naturally hal
ted. So seq |, old boy, yon'll los
one. passenger, sartiD. So | jist clun
up branch kilkerlatlD' to roost thai
till sterved, afore I'd be rid aronnt
/ that ar way any longer / war &
maxim tracks for the top O. the tree
when heard suthin' q maxim orfnl
buzzin' over head. I kinder looked
up, and if thar warn't-well thar's nc
use o. swearin' now, but war the big
gest hornets nest ever built. You1I
8 gin in now, / reckon, Mike, cause
there's no help for you. But an idee
struck me then, that I'd stand heap
better chance ridin' the bull than
what | was. SEE +, old Teller, If
you'll hold on, I'll ride to the next
station anyhow, let that be whar it
will. So | jist dropped aboard O. him
again, and looked aloft to see what I
had gained by changin' quarters and
gentleman, Tn liar if thar wasn't
nigh half bushel o the singin' var
mints ready TO pitch into me when the
word go was gin.
Well, reckon they got it, for all
hands started for our company. Some
on EN- hit the dogs-about a quart
struck me-, and the yest charged on
b.indle This time the dogs led off
fust, dead bent for the old deacon's,
and as soon as old brindle and /
could get under head way, we follow
ed. And as | war only deck pas
senger, and had nothin to do with
steeriu' the craft, I swore if had, we
shouldn't have run that channel, any
how.
But, as / said afore, the dogs took
the lead-brindle and next, the hor,
nets dre'kly arter. The dogs yellin'
brindle bellerin, and the hornets buzz
zin' and stingin.' Well, we had got
about two hundred yards from the
house. and the deacon heard US aud
cum out. / seed him hold mp his
hand and turn white. I reckoned he
was prayin' then, for he didn't expect
to be called for soon, and it warnt
long, neither, sfore the hull congrega-
men, women and children--cum out,
and then all hands went to yellir. ,
None of 'em has the first notion brin-
die and I belonged to this world
I jist turned my head. and passed the
hull congregation. I seed the run
would be up soon, for brindle couldn't
turn an inch from q fence that stood
dead ahead. Well, we reached that
fence, and I went ashore, over the old
critters head, laudin' on tother side
and lay thar stunned.
1t warn't long afore some of 'em as
war not scared, cum runnin' to see
whar I war. For all hands kalkela-
ted that the bull and / belonged to-
gethcr. But when brindIe walked
of by himself, they seed how it war,
and one Of them said, Mike Fink has
got the wust of the scrimmage once
in his life =
Gentlemen, from that day I dropp-
ed the courtin' bizness, ard never
spoke to d gal since, and when my
hunt is up on this yearth, thar won't
be any more Finks, and its all OWN to
Deacon Smiths Brindle bull ]"
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

Paddy is often POLITICALLY petite. -
On picking up and returning lady's
parasol, which had been blown ont of
her hand, o gallant Irishmsn said -
I" Faith, miss, ar if ye was as sthrcng
as ye was handsome, be jabers. a harri-
cane couldn't have snatched 1t from
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

LEATHER GINGERBREAD One cup
Of molassss, seven tablespoonsful Of
water Eve of lard, one teaspoonfal OF
salera.us, little salt, and cinnamon
or ginger.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-08-28

A tipsy loafor mistook globe lamp
with letters on it for the queen OF night
and exclaimed Well, Pm blessed if@s
somebody faint stuck an advertisement
on the moon"