Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1861-06-07
ARTEMAs WARD AMONG THE FREE
LOyERS.o


LOvERs.e
Some years ago l pitched my tent and
onfurled my banner to the breeze, in Ber-
lin Hites, Ohio. | had hearn that Berlin
Hites was ockepied by a e~xtensiv seek
called Free Lovers, who bleeved in Atm
ertys and sich, goin back on their domes-
tic ties without no hesitation whatsomever.
They was likewise spirret rappers and
high presher reformers on gineral princi-
pies. If | can improve these ere mis-
gided peplc by shown them my onparal-
leld show at the usual low price of ad-
infants, methunk, | shall not bav lived in
vaue! But bitterly did | cuss the day |
ever sot foot in the retchid place. | sot
up my tent in a field near the Love Cure,
as they called it, and bimeby the free
lovers begun for to congregate around the
door. A ornerer set | hav never sawn.
The mems faces was all covered with hare,
and they lookt haif-starved to deth. They
didn't wear no wcskuts for the purpuss Gas
they sed) of allowin the free air of hevun
to blow onto their boozums. Their peck
cts were filled with tracks and pamplits
and they was barefeoted. They sed the
Postles didn't wear boots, & why should
they? That was their stile of argument.
The wimin was wuss than the men. They
wore trowsis, short gownds, straw hats
with green ribbons, and all carried bloc
cotton umbrellers.
Presently a pcrfeckly orful lookin fe-
male presented herself at the door. Her
gownd was ~skanderlesly short and her
trowsis was shameful to behold.
She eyed me over very sharp, and then
startin back she sed, in a wild voice:
"Ah. can it be 2"
(Which ?" scd I.
eyes, tits troo, 0, It's troo!
"15 cents, marm," l anserd.
She bust out a cryin & sed:
"And SO | have found you at larst-at
larst, 0, at larst!"
"Yes," l anserl. "you have found me
at larst and you would have found me fust,
if you had cum sooner"
She grabd me v%ilently by the coat col
lar, and brandishin her umbreller wildly
round, exclaimed:
"Air you a man?"
See l, Il think I air, but if you doubt
it, you can address Mrs. A. Ward, Bal
dinsville, Injianny, postage pade, e. she
will probably give you the desired infor-
mashun."
Then thou list what the cold world calls
marrid?"
MADAM, l istest !"
The exsentric female then clutched me
frantically by the arm and hollered:
"You air mine, 0 you air mine!"
"Scacely, | sed, endeverin to get loose
from her. But she chung to me aud sed
"You are my afinerty!"
"What upon arth is that ?" l shouted.
"Dost thou not know ?"
"No, l dostent !"
"Listen man, & I'll tell yer scd the
strange female; "for years I hav yearncd
for thee. Iknowd thou vast in the world.
sumwhares. tho | didn't know WHARF. My
hart sed he would cum and | took courage.
He has cum-he's herc-you air him
you are my Afinerty I! 0 It's two mulch r'
and she sobbed agin.
"Yes," | ansered, II think it is a darn
site too mutchl y
Hast thou not yearned for me-" she
yelled, ringin her hands like female play
acter. sf
mot a yearn p l bellcrd at the top of
my voice, THROWN her away from me.
The free lovers who was standin round
obsarvin the scene commenst for to boiler
"shame p .'beast !" etsettery, etscttery.
l was very much riled, and fortifyin
myself with a spare tent stake, | addrest
them as %tollers: ''You pussylanermous
critters, 60 away from me and take this
retchid woman with you. I'm a law
abidin man, and bleeve in good, old fash
toned INSTRUCTIONS. | am marrid & my
offsprings resemble me, if | am q show