Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-02-25
Ilnhiea

However Babies may be regarded, they
are, wsthetically, failures. A pretty or
handsome Baby is an impossibility. 1t could
as well be Behemoth as beautiful.
In an art sense, Babies are detestable The
man or woman who does not abhor them can
have no love of the Greek idea.
They seem diversions of fitness, and vio-
lations of rule. They appeal to the heart
through their helplessness only to the in
tellect they are misshapen clods.
No animal of the lower order but is inn
measurably superior in form and feature toa
Baby-a paragon of homeliness and super
lative Of disagreeableness.
This may sound strangely and extrava-
gantly but we hold to its complete truth
fulness, as we are newly convinced when
ever we are brought in contact with an in
FAINT.
In addition to their homeliness, Babies are
so uncouth and noisy, so full of awkward
nesses and screams, that the least motion
develops those peculiarities most alarmipgly.
Babies are horror and good Baby is a
fgment of the brain. No one could be
good if it would, and would not if it could.
Babies seem to think Nature meant they
should visit the earth as an inflic,ion. If
so, they fulfill their mission glorious'y.
Perchance they are angry at their birth,
| and revenge themselves on the nearest per-
sons by tormenting their senses contin-
uonsly. They are as vicious as vice Itself
wicked as Baby should be proverb-and
appear to us incarnations of malignity-total
depIaviiy in swaddliDg-clothes.
The insanely domestic and the sentimen-
| tally perverted say Babies come from
| Heaven but we shrewdly suspect they are
from the other place, which Calvin declared
/ existed.
Their coming thence gives one a most
wholesome dread of going thitber, The idea
| would be more terrible than all the orthodox
stories of fire and sulphur.
| If we wished to paint a horrible picture,
/ we would transfer Babe to canvas.
Think of one
| Red, fierce, screaming; its eyes protruding
| from its head, or winking like superannu-
| ated owl; endeavoriDg by every possible
| means to force its fist down its own throat
| OF its fingers into its nurses optics. No
nose, no mouth, no anything that is natural
but resembling a piece Of crimson clay
| spoiled by a clumsy potter, who had tried
to make every thing at once, and made
nothing.
Babies are usually diabolical-the devils
children, doubtless-but when they strive tC
be pleasant they reach the last capacity o
| hideousness.
Such CHASTITY effort to laugh; such de,
moniac endeayor 70 seem pleased is enough
I to strike terror to the heart of Leonidas him
self; put whole armies to fight, and move
adamant with fear.
Those marvellous facial contortions arr
impressed upon our memory as night mare
dreams. They haunt us often, and we car
not shut them out.
Alas for Babies-we can n9t like MOI
endure theml We would walk mile owe
heated plOwshares to avoid one: would b.
broken on the rack before We would kiss tht
diminutive demons.
Ugh alligators, serpents aud scorpion
are preferable companions. They thrill u
with horror; and yet we pity them, ever
while they give US constant pain.
When we see Babe, we reflect involun
taTily of how much it must suffer if it live
what woes Fate has in store for it-wha
unknown tragedies are in its little bosom.
Poor thing, we think. Why came
hither; why does II not die and then W
almost pray that 1t may expire on the NOR
row.
How fortunate if all men had died in thei
infanoyl We have never forgiven our oil
nurse for refusing to drop us from the hig
balcony of the mansion in which we frs
beheld the light of this pessimus planet.
If one could only be a Baby again an
knew what was to be endured, what laudanuI
vial would be safe
Babies, detestable and demoniacal as 70
are, you need commisseration We give it t
you fully.
How any one that loves humanity ca
aid in your creation is a mystery 10 US thl
time and philosophy will never unravel.
With ali our hatred Of you, we love you tC
well to bring you into being, and when v
see you cold and cotined, We rejoice thi
. you slipped so early from the toItu0us va
; which, the. longer Il is followed grows Il
. thicker with thorns. JUHIUS.