The constitutional union., 1861-01-25
HOW TO KEEP THE BABY QUIET

See that the mother has a contented mind. That the best receipt l know of. Always meet her with a smile which the immortal Guide to Wives recommends them, under mountain loads of perplexity and provocation, to keep on hand for their husbands. Don t imagine, because home looks cozy and com fortable when you return at night, that 1t is well either for the baby's sake, or its mothers, that you should never take the latter out of it for relaxation and fresh air. Oh, if you knew how woman loves a man for occasionally thinking of these little things-httle to you great to us. 1 know it is less trouble, if your purse is well lined, to step into milli- ners and order new bonnet. which so many wives have wanted to throw out of the win dow for very bitterness of spirit, had they dared. A bonnet. which your ostrich hus- band fances will cover all his conjugal scl- ishness and sins of omission He had rather give her this than draw his boots on his slip pered feet after tea and take the weary wife and mother out for the fresh air; and then he wonders why the baby worries" and keeps both awake all night, and why its mothers eyes look so rayless, and why she heaves that little sigh when he sits down to read his newspaper; and then he settles down to the comfortable conclusion that ' after all there is no understanding women" and reads on. Sometimes he says, ah, t" knows wheth- CT steamboat Is burned up, or fifty people have been made mince meat of by railroad accident or Bonner has got another illustri- ous contributor" or the tail of the comet has swished through the milky way. He is too lazy even to talk about 1t.
 Now, < bonnets" don't cure the heart-ache :; and all the rings and bracelets you could toss into woman's lap q speak ofa true woman) are not worth one clasp of your arms round her neck when you come home from your place of business. We don't want forever to take 1t for granted you love us. We are de- monstratve, we woman. There is no need of your breaking your backs to pick up our handkerchief as you used, in the old courting times; (heavens how you stepped round then )-neither do we want you after hanging up your coat and hat in the hall to sit down in the parlor and cross your legs, without ever coming up stairs to give us the return kiss which Is so potent to make us forget all the little muSquito singing household annoy ances, which are but feathers weight when our hearts are light and happy; for it is not work, but worry, which make leaden hearts and footsteps. Besides, under the dscourag- ing circumstances to which 1 have alluded, 1t is quite impossible to keep up that stereotyped < smile" to which the ''Guide to Wives" so touchingly alludes.
 Guide to Wives As if all wives were alike, or husbands either; as if doctor had but one kind of pill for all his patients; that's an unfortunate figure of speech, l know; still there are good doctors, and as a class they are much handsomer than any other profession, though 1 have seen some editors but that is neither here nor there. Ah-now you listen. You have a family doctor; and you you and you. Very good. See to it that you are as agreeable and gentlemanly as he is. He don't go to sleep the minute your wife comes into the room; or turn his back upon her and sit down and read vile politics all the evening, with an occasional grunt of assent or dissent, to some invisible person. Nor-does any other gentleman who visits your house. Perhaps now you may think the subject worth considering. I shouldn't be surprised. FANNY FERN.