The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1861-08-08
Hi. TriaI- md AdNcnIurc<.

. I1El-Iu u MN hA4b4f-s 4 yum tEEH- AN@-
swearin sum Troflne oaths mOre'n Onct, but
hope / didn't 10 it. tor I've prOmist she whose
name shall be nameless Except that her initials u
Betsey j. that III iine the Meeiin House at
Baldinsyille, ie-t - soon Is ] can scrape money
cnuf together 20 | can ford 20 BE- Tiuss IN good
stile, like nv wealthy nahers. But If I'm con-
fsticated aZin I'm afraid | shall continner on in
INV present benited state for some time.
/ fggered conspicyusly in many thrillin scenes
in my tower from Montgomery 10 my humsted-
and on seyril occasions | thought - the crate
kOmic PAPER wouldn't never be inrIGhed no more
with nv iubricatiDns. AFTER hidden adOO 10 JET.
ferson -. I started for the depot. | saw a nigges
sittin on a fence a-playin on a banjo. :" My Afri-
kin Brother. sed !, cOtin from a Track | wOuct
red. you belong 70 a very Interestin race
You masters is goin to war exclusively on your
account"
"Yes, hoss.' ne replied, Z. an | wish 'em hon
orable graves - and ne went on playin the banjo
larfn all over and openin his mouth wide enuh
to drive in an old flshined 2 wheeled shay.
The train Of ears in which | was TO trust my
wallerble life was the scaliest, rickytiest lOOkin
lot Of consarns that | ever saw on wheels afore,
4" What time does this string Of secondhand cOf-
fms leaye2'' | inquired Of the depot master.
lie sad direckly, and l went in & sot down. |
hand't mOre'n fairly squatted afore a dark loOkin
man with 4 swinister expression onto his coun-
tenance entered the cars, and lOOkin very sharp
at me, he axed what was my prinsipuls?
sSecesh - | ansered. :" I'm a Dissoluter.-
I'm in favor of JEFF. Davis. Buregard, Pickens,
Capt. Kidd, BlOobeard, Monroe Edards. the
devil. Mrs, Cunningham and all the rest of en-
You're in favor of the war;
"Certingly, BY all means. I'm in favor of
this war and also Of the next war. I've been in
favor Of the next war for over sixteen years"
War to the knife - sed the man.
&" Blud, Fargo. bludr'' sed |, tho them words
isn't ORIGINAL with me. Them words was rit by
Shakespeare, who is dead. His Mantle fell onto
the author of . The Seven Sisters, - who's gone to
have u Spring overcOat made out of it.
We got under way at larst, an proceeded on
our journey at about the rate of speed which is
ginerally observed by properly conducted tune
raj purcesshuns. 4 hansum young gal, with a
red musketer bar on the back part Of her he'd,
and i sassy little black hat tipt over her torred,
sot in the seat with me. She wore q little Sc
cesh flag pin'd onto her hat, and she was a go
ing for too see her troo love, who had jined the
Southern army, all so bold and gay. So she
told me- She was chilly and | offered her my
blanket.
Father Twin ?'' | axed.
Yes sir"
Got any Uncles ?"
a heep. Uncle Thomas is ded, tho
Peace to Uncle Thomas's ashes, and success
to him L will be your Uncle Thomas Lean
on me, my pretty Secesher, and linger in Bliss
full repOse ?" She slept so secOOrly as in her own
housen, and didn't disturb the sollum stiffness of
the night with AIRY snore.
1t the first stashun a troope of Sojers entered
the cars and inquired if L" Old Wax Works was
on board. That was the dlsrespectiy stile in
which they referred to me. :. Becauz if Old
Wax Works IS on board SEE a man with a
face like a double-breasted lobster, " we're go
ing to hang Old Wax Works.
My illustrious and patriotic Bummers ~
SEE /, a gittin up and takin OFF my ShappoO. = if
you allude to y. Ward, it's my pleasin dooty to
inform you that he's dead. He saw the error of
his WAYS at IL minits past 2 Yesterday, and
Ia..EI.A hfc1alf xrifE N Gruffal ElaAsraEa dyfn II
five beautiful tabloos to slow music, His larst
words was My perfeshernal career is over I!
/ jerk no more?'"
- And who be you ?"
"I'm a stoodent in Senator B~eniamin's law
ofiss. I'm goin up North to steal sum spoons
and things for the Southern Army.
This was satisfactory and the intoxicated
troopers went orr. At the next station the pref
ty little Secesher awoke and sed she must git out
there. l did her "A kind adoo and Civ her sum
provisions. " Accept my blessin and this hunk
of gingerbread ~ | sed. She thankt me muchly
and tript galy away. There's considerable hu-
man mater i'll a man, and I'm fraid shall alters
give ade and comfort to the enemy if he Gums to
me in the shape of a nice young gal.
At the next stashun ! didn't get orr so easy.
i was dragged out of the car and rolled in the
mud for several minits for the purpose of . tax
en- the conseet out of me-" as a Secesher kindly
stated.
was let up finally, when a powerful large
Secesher came up and embraced me, and to show
that he had no hard feelins agin me, put his
nose into my mouth. l returned the compli-
ment by placing my stummick suddenly again
his right foot, when he kindly made Il %spittoon
of his able-bOdied face. Actooated by n desire
to see whether the Secesher had bin vaxinated |
then fastened my teeth onto his left cOat-sleeve
and tore it to the sholder. We then vilently
hunted our heads together for a few minits,
danced around Il little, and sOt down in a mud
puddle. We rz to our feet again u by a sud
den i adroit movement | placed my left eye
again the Secesher's fist. We then rushed into
each others arms and fell under a twO-hoss
wagon. l was very much exhausted and didn't
care about gettin up agin, but the man said he
reckoned I'd better, and concluded | would.
lie pulled me up but | hadn't bin on my feet
mOre'n two seconds afore the ground flew up
and hit me in the he'd. The crowd sed 1t was
high old sport, but | couldn't zakly see where
the lafture came in. | riz and we embraced
again. We careered madly TO u steep bank,
when | got the upper hands of my antaggernist
and threw him INTO the raven. He fell about
forty feet, striking a grinstone pretty hard. l
understood he was injured. | haven't heard
from the grinstone.
y man in a cOckt hat cum up and sed he felt
as tho a apology was doc me. There was n
mistake. The crowd had taken me for another
man | told him not to mention it, axed him
if his wife and little ones was so as 10 be about.
and got on board the train, which had stopped
ut that station - 20 minits for refreshments"
| got all l wanted 1t was the heartiest meal l
ever ct.
was rid on a rale the next day, a bunch of
blaZin fire crackers being tide to my coat tales.
1t was a fine spectacle in Il dramatic pint of WI,
but | didn't enjoy it. | had other adventers of
a startlin kind, but why continner' Why lass
crate the Public Boozum with these here things?
Suffysit to say | got across Mason Il Dixie's line
safe at last. | made tracks for my humsted, but
she with hume I'm harnist for life failed TO re-
cognize, in the emashiated bein who stood be-
fore her, the gushin youth of ~forty-six summers
who had left her only q few months afore. But
| went INTO the pantry. and brought out a GER
tain black bottle. Rsisin it to my lips. | sed
" Here's to you, old gall l did it so natural
that she knOwd me at wunce, Those form.
IIhem VOICE : That natural stile of dnin things