The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1861-08-27
ARFEMUs WARD IN THE SOUTH.
His Trials and Adventures!

esThe swing and arrers of outrajus fortn," allud-
ed to by Hamlick, warnt nuthn in comparison to
my trubbles. cum plagy near swearin sum profane
oaths moren once, but hope didn't do it, for
I've promised she whose name shall be less, (cepr
that her initials are Betsy j. that I'll jine the
meetin house at Badinsville, jest as soon as can
get money enough together, so l can ford to be
Plus in good style like my wealthy nabers. But
if am confscated agin, l shall continer on in my
present benefited state for some time
fggered conspicyualy in meny thril!in scenes
on my tower from Montgomery to my humsted,
and on sevul OCCASIONS | thought the great commick
paper wouldn't never be enriched more with
my lubrcations. After hidden adoo to Jefferson
Davis, | started for the depo | saw niger sit
ten on the fence, playin banjo. only Afrl-
can brother" said 1 'you belong to very inter-
esting race-your master has gone to the war ex
clusivey on your account"
EYES, boss!' and he went on playin the banjo
larfn all over, and openin his mouth vide enough
to drive in an old fashined two wheeled chaise.
The train of cars in which | was to risk my
valerable life, was the scalest, ricketest lookin
lot Of consarns l ever saw on wheels afore.
"What time does this string of second hand
collins leave," l inquired of the conductor. He
seq directly and went and sot down. | hadn't
morn fairly sguatted afore dark lookin man with
a swinster expression onto his countenance, enter
ed the cars, and lookin very sharp at me asked
what was my principles"
"Secesh,' I answered, 81 am Dissouter. I'm
for for JEFF. Davis, Beauregard, Pickens, old Capt.
Kidd Bloobeerd, Monroe Edwards, the Devil,
Mrs Cunningham and all the rest of them"
"Youre in favor of the war;"
Certainly, by all means. I'm in favor of this
and the next one. I've been in favor of the next
fol- over sixteen years.
"Blud ergo blud!' said I, though them words
arn't original to me. Them words writ by
Shakespeare who dead. His mantle fell onto
the author of the "Seven States" whose going to
have a spring oVereoat made out'n it.
We got under way at last, and proceeded on our
journey, at about the rate of speed which is gen.
orally observed by proper conducted funeral pro-
cessiOns. handsome young gal with a red mus
keeter bar on the back part OF her head, and a
sassy little black hat tpt forred, sot in the
seat with me. She had little secesh flag pinned
onto her hat and she was goin to her troo love-
who had jined the Southern army-and she were
so bold and so gay. So she told me. She was
chilly and / offered her my blanket
dad livin?" I axed.
eyes, ser"
SCOT any uncleS!"
GA heap. Uncle Thomas is ded tho"
"Pesce to uncle Thomas ashes and success to
him. | viii be your uncle Thomas Lean on me,
my purity seccshcncr, and linger in blissful re-
pose.
She slept as secoorly as in her house, and
didn't disturb the soum stiffness with AIRY snore.
At the fiIst stashun troop of sojers entered
the cars and inquired if Old Wax Works was on
bord That the Gsrespectful style in which
they referred to me.
"Becase, if Old Wax Works is on bord" seq IA
man with face like double breasted lobster, "we
intend to hang him
Only ustrious and patriotic man. seq l, get
-, o,1 of1o lind
A Ward, its my pleesin dooty to inform you that
he's ded. He saw the error of his ways at ~
minutes past 2 yesterday, and stabbed himself
with a sledstake, dyin in bootiul tabloos of low
music! His last words war
only professional career is over, I jcrked no
nore!"
"And who be you?"
"Ise stoodent,in Senator Benjamin. law office. !
I'm going up North to steel spoons and things for |
the Southern Army"
This was satisfactorily, and the intoxicated |
troopers went orr.
At the next stashun the poorly secesher awoke
and sed she must get out thar bid her kind
adoo and gave her some provisions.
Accept my blessin and this hunk Of ginger |
Bred" l sed.
She thanked me meeky and tipped gaily away.
There's considerable human nature in man, and |
I'm afraid ! shall alters give aid and comfort to
the enemy II he comes In tue shape Oh nice |
young gal. |
At the next stashun did not get OFF so easy. |
] was dragged out'n the and rolled in the mud
several minits, for the purpose of takin the con-
sect Out'n me- as Seceshner kindly stated.
l was let up finally, when powerful large Sc
ceshner came up, afecshunatcly embraced me-
and to show he had 10 hard feelings agin me he
put my in his mouth. | returned the con-
pliment by suddenly placing my stulnick agin his
right foot when he kindly made spitton of my
able bodied face Actooated by desire to
whether the Secesher had been vaccinated | fast
ened my teeth into his coat sieve and tore it to
the shoulder. We then valieatly butted our
heads together for few mnts, danced round
little and sot down in mud puddle. We riz to
our feet agin, and by sudden and adriotic move
ment, placed my left eye sgin the Seeesher's
fist. We then rushed into each others and
fell under too boss wagn. l very much
exhausted, aud didn't care about gitin up agin-
but he sed he reconed I'd better, and concluded /
| would. He pulled me up but hadn't been on
my feet too seconds, afore the ground few up and
hit me in the head. The crowd sed it high
old SPORT but [ couldn't exactly see where the
latter cum ip. We riz and we embraced agin. We ,
careered madly to steep bank, when | got the !
upper hand Of my antagonist, and threw him into
the ravine. He fell about ~ feet striking grind
stone pretty hard | understand he was injured. .
l have not heard from the grindstone. /
man in cockct hat cum and sed he felt as
though an APOLOGY was doc me. There was a
crowd had taken me for an
other man! | told him not to mention taxed !