The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-07-31
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
- Virtue is not the less venerable for
being out of fashion.
= The young lady whose sleep was
broken has had it mended.
- see through it now, as .he servant
said, when she knocked the bottom out of
the pail.
= Why was the first day of Adams
life the longest ever known? Because it
had no Eve.
= The height of impudenee-Calling
into an editors sanctum, and asking him
to change dollar bill.
: To be able to bear provocation, is
an argument Of great wisdom; and to
forgive it, of great mind.
= Some one has defined love: "A
little sighing, little crying, little dy-
ing and deal of lying"
- at is fast to-day, and | must not
eat" said the cat, on seeing a piece of
liver she could not reach. ar.a
= Hatred is so durable and so obsti-
nate, that reconciliation on sick bed is
the sweetest sign of death.
h- Opinion is tho main thing which
does good or harm in the world. 1t is
our false opinions which ruin us.
- The young lady with "spcaking
eyes" has become quite hoarse, in conse-
quence of using them so much.
= "Gently the dews are DER me steal
ing" as the man said, when he had five
due bills presented TO him at once.
= An Emeralder, on admiring a beau
tiful cemetery, observed that he consider
ed it healthy place 10 be buried in.
"A debating society down East is
discussing the question whether the last
snow was foot deep, or twelve inches
high.
- 1t is said that "Time cuts down
all, both great and small" House rents,
however, arc an exception, for they are al
ways going up.
-" What" said lady, edo you
think of platonic love?" Madam"
said the gentleman, it is like all other
tonics-very exciting"
&c see him on his winding way"
observed Mrs. Smith, as she perceived
the elder Smith corkscrewing his way
home with brick in his hat.
- Jeems snys that lie likes the lay OF
the last minstrel; but at this particular
season he prefers the lays Of the hons
boiled, with pepper and salt on them.
= "Mothcr, did you hear sissy swearY'
mo, my dear; what did she say ~
Z" Why, She said she wasn't going to wear
her darned stockings tnchurch on Easter
Sunday"
-"I say, mister, H. eamo your eyes
so ALFRED crooked 2" My eyes ~
" Yes." "By sitting between two gals,
and trying TO look love to both at the
same time"
-" Mr.. Tim, how do you keep your
account books?" 40, by double entry
" Double entry, how's thatY 40, easy
enough, l make one entry and father
makes another"
- An old lady, whose son was about
to proceed TO the black sea, among Other
parting admonitions, gave him strict in
functions not to bathe in that sea, for she
did not want to see him como back a mig
ger.
- Women are like horses-the gayel
the harness thoy have on the better they
feel. We got this from an old bachelor
who was early crossed in love, and after
wards went into the pawn-broking busi
ness.
- When n Kentucky Judge, some
years ago, was asked by an attorney upon
some strange ruling, 4" Is that law, your
honor| he replied, "lf the court under.
stand hersell-and she think she dot
are"
- An inveterate bachelor being asked
by sentimental miss why he did not So
cure some fond ones company in his voy-
ago on the ocean of life, replied: l
would if were sure such an ocean void
be Pacific" -at
"Who is that lovely girll' oxclaim-
the witty Lord Norbury, in company
his friend, Counsellor Grant. "Miss
Glass" Glass;" reiterated the judge,
al should be often intoxicated could |
place such glass to my lips"
= A jailor had received strict orders
not to keep any prisoners in solitary con-
finement. Once, when he had but two
in charge, one escaped, and he was oblig-
ed in consequence, to kick the other out
of doors, to comply with the regulations.
-"I meant to have told you of that
hole" said man to his friend, who had