The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-07-24
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS
: The fop is the corner.nosl rf fol


Speak well of all men, whether 9th
ers speak well OF you or not.
- No man can have treachery in his
heart without showing it in his face.
- ooh, what n soft seat" rs the hat
said when placed on tho dandy's head.
= Everywhere endeavor to be useful,
and everywhere you will be at home.
- Promise nothing that you cannot
give, neither give that which You cannot
afford.
- To guard against jealousy, mix less
with the world and moro with your own
family.
- Blessed are they who pay their
debts. Blessed arc they who get their
pay.
= When you open your mouth to
speak, speak MS though you meant what
you say.
- If you would possess the respect of
your felow-men, first learn to respect
yourself.
= Dream Land-A small town in
Ohio (called Oberlin,) where fools dream
out their afiinilies.
= If you cannot entertain an opinion
of your own more than five minutes at
time, don't have any at all.
- A crusty ok bachelor SAYS, the talk
of women is usually about the men,
Even their laugh is but he, he"
- The worst wish that YOU can wish
gouty individual, is that his bed may
be fillec with porcupine's feathers.
- Patrick gave his testimony in the
riot case: "Be jabers, the first man
saw coming at me was two brick bats
= Few men but the generous sons of
the ocean will contribute their last penny
to alleviate the distress of fellow crea-
ture.
If your wife wishes to devclopc
her musical talents, employ professor
who has been half killed by some other
husband.
= If you entertain any particular dis
like for an individual, have the manlincss
TO tell him so, and not like coward talk
behind his back. .
= The following rules are posted in
New Jersey schoolhousc: {" No kissing
in school time. No licking the master
during holidays"
= Though it is said that "truth is
mighty and must prevail" observation
and experience proves that ii is rather
long about it in most cases.
: There's plenty of ups and downs in
this life. Pendergast once ran for COLI
stable, and the next day constable ran
for him. The last run he got in.
- The last case of suicide recorded is
that of man out West who hung him
self because his paper die not come regu-
lar. Many man has done n .toolisher
decd.
= The rose is not the only flower that
fades. The dews of death takes away
the crimson from the check; the eyes grow
dim; the frame quivers, and the farest
flower of earth-womdn-sinks into the
lonely grave.
- A father chiding his son for not
leaving his bed at an earlier hour, told
him, as an inducement, that certain
man being up betimes found purse of
gold. 1t might be so" replied che son,
" but he that lost il was up before him."
= "Why do you wink at me sir9"
said beautiful young lady angrily to n
stranger, at party an evening or two
since. 81 beg your pardon, madam" re-
piled the wit, "I winked rs men do
when looking at the sun-your splendor
dazzled my eyes"
- A man in Connecticut has just in
vented a potatoe-digging machine, which
is drawn by horses down the rows, digs
the potatoes, separates them from the
dirt, and loads them into the cart, while
the farmer walks alongside whi.tling
I" Hail Columbia" with his hands in his
pocket.
- Pupil" Please, Miss Jones, what
is the meaning of suburbs"
Governess (who is extensively crinolin
ed)-" The outskirts OF place, my
DEAR"
Pupil (seizipg Miss j. by the dress J.
Then, Miss Jones, are these your sub
urbsW
- " Halloo, there, how do you sci
wood"
"By the cord"
"Pshaw, how long has it been cutT
"Four feet long" :.
"How dumb l mean how long has II
been since YOU cut itl"
r "No longer than it is now" II
5 " See here, old fellow; you are loo vi
fred bright TO live long,.