The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1861-06-29
ARTEMUS WARD IN THE SOUTH.
HIS TRIALS AND ADVENTURES.


had a narrer scrape from the sonny
South. g The swings and arrers of outrajus
fortin," alluded to by Hamlick, warn't moth
pesky near swearin sum profan oaths morn
onct. but 1 hope didn't do it, for prom
list she whose name shall be nameless Tex
cept that her initials is Betsy J.). that I'll
iine the Meetin House at Bsldnsville as soon
as can scrape money enuff together SO
can afford to be piuss in good stile like my
agin I'm fraid I shall continner on in my
present benited state for sum time.
6ggered conspicyously in many thrillin
Genes in my tower from Montgomery to my
humstead. and on sevril occasiones thought
'lhe CRATE komic paper wouldn't BE- inriched
no more with my lubrirations. AFTER bid
din adoo to Jeffurson D.. started for the
depo. saw a niger sitlin OH fenc play
in on a banjo. "My African Brother. 'sed
| /. cotin from Track l Onct red. ''you be-
long to very interestin raice. Your mas
ters is goin to war exclusively on your &C.
count"
Yes, bcss,' he replied. "an' wish EN-
all honorable gravesP' and he went on play
in the banjo, larfin all over snd openin his
mouth wide enuff to drive in an old fash
Toned chaise.
The train of cars in which was to trust
my wallerable life was the scaliest, rickitiest
lookin lot of consarns that ] ever saw on
wheels afore. '.What time does this string
of second hand collins leave 2" ! mekan-
ikally inquired of the depo master. He
said directly, and went & sot down.
hadn't morn squatted afore dark lookin
hSS
countenance, entered the cars, and lookin
very sharp at me, he asked me what was my
principles
"Sesesh - ansered. "I'm Dissolu-
ter. I'm in favor of jeff. Davis, Bouregard,
Pickens, Capt. Kidd, Bloobeard. Munro
Edwards. the devil. Mrs. Cunningham and
all the rest of 'em.''
You're in favor Of the war ?"
"Certingly. By all means. I'm favor
of this war and also of the next war. I've
been in favor of the next, for over sixteen
years ~
'War to the knive - sed the man.
''Blud. Fargo. blud - sed I. tho them
words was rit by Shakespeare, who is ded.
His mantel fell onto the author of 1.-The
Seven Sisters" who's goin for to hav a
|
We got under way at larst. and proceedin
on our journey at about the rate of speed
which is generally observed by properly
yung gal, with red musketar bar on the
back part of her he'd, and sassy little black
hat tipt over her forred, sot in the seat with
me. she wore little sesesh flag pin'd on
to her hat, and she was goin to see her troO
| = L 4 Al. Ill
SO bold and so gay. So she told me. She
was veri chilly and I offered her my blanket.
90 Father Twin % ] axed.
/ eyes sir.''
"GoL any uneles 90
asa heap Uncle Thomas is ded tho.''
"Peace to Uncle Thnmas's ashes. and
Thomas Lean on me, nv pretty secesher.
and linger in blissful repose." She slept
as secoorly as in her own housen. and
didn't disturb the sollum stilnes of the
night with airy smear.
| At the first station troop of Sojers en-
tered .he cars and inquired if "Old Wax
Works" was on bored. This was the dis
RESPECTIVE stile in which they referred 10 me.
seq a man with face like double breasted
lobster. I'VE are goin to hang Old Wax
Worksr'
my Illustrous and patriotic Bummers y
I seq l. gttin up and takin orr my Shappoo.
''if you allude to A. Ward. it's my pleasin
dooty TO inform you that he's died. He saw
the errur of his ways al g minits past
and stabbed hisself with stuffed sledstake,
dyin in Eve beautiful tabloos 10 slow music
his extremely last words was: my per-
/ kasb;o1al caraar - ovar iark No Tooro i'i
"And who be you ?''
''I'm student in Senator Benjamin s
law offiss. I'm goin up North to steal sum
spoons and things for the Southern Army"
! This was satisfactory, and the intos-icat-
ed troopers went orr At the next station
the pretty little SecesheF awoke. and sed
she must git out there. I bid her kind
J, ladoo and Civ her some provisions. sac