The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-09-18
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


- If a man cheat you once, blame
him; if second time, blame yourself
- He that keeps his temper is better
than he that can keep carriage. II
= The prettiest trimming for wo-
mans bonnet is good-bumored face.
- II is only those that have done
nothing who fancy that they do can every
thing. t'la 's'i'.4oii 't"i
- Instead of idly waiting for some
thing TO turn up, go to work and turn up
something. +t. XVI
- The Boston Post announces the
formation of .'Society for the preven-
ton Of cruelty 10 Piano Fortes." i
= A highly respectable looking wo
man has been arrested in London for steal
ing an umbrella. What sayageS!
- Gold and silver are metals quite Too
heavy TO be carried TO heaven; but in
good hands, they pave the way TO it.
: Keep the horrors at arms length.
Never turn blessing round TO see wheth-
or it has dark side TO it.
- Since females have commenced the
practice of medicine, the health of young
men has been very delicate.
= Show n naughty man that yon do
not look up TO him, aud he will not feel
that he can look down upon you.
- You may gather rich harvest of
knowledge by reading; but thought is
the winnowing machine.
= Value tho friendship of him who
stands by you in the storm; swarms Of
insects will surround you in the sunshine
A tedious writer is one, not who
uses many words, in long or short scnten-
ces, but who uses many words 10 little
purpose. -a als'
= The philosopher Frazer says that,
"tbough q man without money is poor, a
man with nothing but money is still
poorer"
- The use We make of our fortune
determines its sufiiciency. A little is
enough if used wisely-too much if used
foolishly.
- 81 can't undertake to crafty all
your whims, it would be rs much rs my
life is worth" "Oh, sir, that's nothing"
she replied.
- II is said they have a postmaster
in Lancaster county who can not write,
and who actually signs officials papers
with his mark. This is certainly man
of mark. 80, .. 81. ...t ...a
= A good wife is like a printers roll
cr--the latter being composed of molass-
es and glue She is as sweet rs the for
mer article, and sticks TO her husband like
the latter.
- 1t has wittily but somewhat ungal-
lantly been said that woman is the re-
verse of her mirror-that one reflects
without talking, and the other talks with
out rejecting
- "You q dentist, Bob? l did not
know you were in that trade" Yes,
said Bob, al follow no other business but
setting teeth-in beef, potatoes, bread,
and sich likoI" t
- They have got q pig in Ohio so
thoroughly educated that he has taken TO
music. They regulate bis time by twist
ing his tail--the greater the twist, the
higher the notes. .f.. ..a.l a...
al say, Nell, do you know why that
fellow who trod on my toes last night is
like the commander of n regimont? Mel
lie didn't know. (" Because he's cur,
Nell Colonel, confound him!
- A pedagoguge threatened to pun
ish n pupil who had called him fool be-
hind his back. Don't" begged the boy,
81 won't do so again, sir, never. | will
never speak, what think again in my
life.' 't... .I.t n.
- Sidney Smith says marriage re-
sembles q pair of shears, so joined to-
gether that they can not be separated.
They often move in opposite directions,
yet always punish any one who comes
between them. H'ai .'I
= "Fathcr what do you mean by
raising things in a hot house3" Why,
my dear boy, you are being raised in a
house too hot to hold me sometimes" !"
The mother seized broomstick, but the
man made tracks.
= The following inscription is on a
tombstone in the churchyard of Calvor-
ley. Yorkshire: "Alos Benj., son Of the
above John and Mary Cromach, who died
on the 25th of September, 1926, aged
25 years, who took coffin 2 feet ] l inch
os long"
= An exchange tells Of lady who
, called at n store, recently, and inquired o
young clerk for "crcwel." Not willing
, To apncar ignorant, nor exactly compre-