Daily Nashville patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1860-1862, 1861-10-02
From the Charleston Courier.

boy, and considered ourselves plural, and
by no means singular, although somewhat
possessed of idiosyncracies-"we" was trou-
bled with an overwhelming perception of the
ludicrous. which often tempted ''us' into
mischief and frequently got .ius'' into trou-
Bile. There were two persons, however, who,
from strong fellow feeling always extenu-
ated our offences, and excused our vagaries,
wheneneyer there was point upon which to
hang an excuse. On one occasion, however,
L offended so seriously, that both parties
thought me worthy of reprimand, and my
father, who was one, told me seriously Il
was too bad" and the parson. who had al
ways considered my mothers tea table a
pleasant place of resort of evenings, and my
self one of his most hopeful young hearers
and Sunday scholars, refrained from looking
into our pew during service, for q whole
month of Sundays" This last, admit,
was no serious punishment to me, as, con-
cious of strong evil propensities, L kept my
eye on him always and supposed that some
of his most striking sentences, always appa-
rently addressed TO our pew, were intended
especially for one little boy therein. My Of
fence arose after this manner.
Our pew was in side aisle, and back of
us poor widow woman, of good connections
but of limited worldly experience, had her
regular seat. / had detected, by some
means peculiar to enterprising marpiots,
tity, when once set going to talk ahead with
out regard to time, place and circumstances.
Also, ascertained that she had a particular
dislike to troublesome boys, but that her
forte lay in the energy of her dislike to pup
pies and other small dogs.
Now it so happened that among my fathers
friends wes one who had his peculiarities.
and one of them was the love of dogs, OF the
uglest, Snarlest kind. He lived the most of
in tha hu frpn o
to town, and sometimes, on Sundays, sat in
our pew. On this occasion, about which l
write, he brought with him little woody,
red eyed poodle. who, very much to my
amusement, walked in after his MASTER and,
apparently in imitation of him, turned
round two or three times, and then gravely
seated himself on his hind quarters with his
face towards the pulpit. Things went on
very well for time, but certain associations
of ideas invariably set inventive minds
scheming, and the near proximity of dog and
woman suggested to me some experiments IN
natural science. The problem which sug
gested itself to me with sufficient force to
prevent my attending to the entire commu-
MON service was this +: IF | could get this
devout little dog into the old lady's pew.
would her charity permit her to give him
one of her nice calico cushions to sit on ?''
With me, to PROFOUND was to attempt to
solve; so as all arose from their knees, sly
ly put pug into the aisle and closed the door,
hoping that he would enter the open pew be-
hind us, as nearest his master. This first
condition established, [ had no longer to
wait. Soon heard loud, startling wills
per "Oh gracious; here's a nasty little
woody dog. Git out - Then little louder:
''Its got wool all over it, and its ugly little
eyes are all red ~ Then, after a pause, during
which she seemed to make a motion of her
fan to drive it out, she exclaimed louder
'.Oh, Lord it thinks Pm calling it, and it's
a coming TO me! l wonder what they make
little dogs like sheep for?' and then still
louder, "go away! go away! don't come any
closer! git OUT git outr'
By this time, those nearest began to look
about them, which observing, the old lady
got dreadfully fidgity, and exclaimed: "It's
got wool round its eyes; and everybody's
looking at me. No. wonder, I'm talking in
church, food gracious, what will peo-
pie think-Gn crescendo)-Good Lord, 1
hope they won't think anything! Git out! git
out There's little dog with wool all over
it, and ugly red eyes, in my pew, and its gone
Lord! I'm still talking in church! and Mr..
-, (the parson.) is looking this way!
What shall 1 do? Git out! git out!l'' Here
she poked with her foot, and the dog seemed
to approach nearer. Don't come near me!
Don't come near mel! L never could abide
dogs-especially woody ones-git out!-with
red eyes-git out!-git QUIT! and shaved
tailln
By this time everybody was alive to the
cOmmotion. Those in the Immediate neigh
borhood, who understood the matter, could
scarcely contain themselves, while those far
Their off were hushed as death in listening for
an explanation. My father and mother were
both black in the face, and our visitor had his
lips drawn up as green persimmons draw up
adventurous lips, while his eye brows were
elevated as If they had been pinned to the
roots OF his hair.
We, (only little then,) innocent of all
knowledge of evil, was inquiringly and anx-
iously peeriug over the back of our pew, in
tent upon the solution of "our" problem, and
the preacher, with inquiring looks, paused
ere reading the hymn, when the poor old wo
man, fairly at her wits end, exclaimed aloud:
Git out, you little dog. git OUT" and then
most deprecatingly and beseechingly added:
"Oh! there's little woody dog with red eyes,
that won't 60 out, and I'm talking in church!
Amt there anybody here who'll. stop him and
turn me QUIT Icant stop tdlkLngW
This brought matters to crisis. A hum
dred violent efforts to crush out roar of
laughter were heard, perfect hail storm of
tittering arose, and the grave Divine, deep
ly agitated, shook like bowl full of jelly,
and kept rubbing his mouth and chin violent
ly lOr SOune minutes.
Our guest quietly opened our door, utter
ed low ''swit. swift" but as the dog quietly
resumed his seat az his feet, very much as
tonished and agitated me by tremendous
snap of the finger on my lett ear.
We commend the above to that class of edi-
tors and correspondents who having a pro-
fessionai dislike to secrets and mystery of all
kinds, feel themselves unable to retain any
information they may receive upon any sub
jeet, however important. They seem to for
get that while no wise commander will ever
lieve what he hears implicitly, he is regula-
ted by what he deems probable; and when in
formed that this or that regiment is on the
march, or this or that fort is nearly finished,
and this or that want will soon be supplied,
his means of Judging of what may be intend
ed is much enlarged.
NAPOLEON needed no spies in England, be-
cause there was an uumuZzled press. Can
not we, the editors of the South, consent to
confue ourselves to "faits aceompl" prove
that we ''can stop talking in Church." and
need no friendly hand to ''stop him (the cor
respondent) and turns US out"