Smyrna times., 1861-09-19
WHOLE NO, 8O2
Sha Will And She Won't

rage, though to- much disposed to initiate his
moIher-ln-law. lie says:
Zone rea2on why it is SO difficult 10 please
a woman is that she seldom Enows herself what
she wants. In most cases it is as hard to sat-
lstya woman as II would be to content a cap
tain who should tell you TO steer his ship and
wouldn't tel you whether he wanted TO go to
Jersey or Japan. They wouldn't be satisfied
whatever you do.
"Especlally in the matter of war.
Particularly in the matter Of the present
war. Your wife, or mother, or sister, or who
ever may be the woman that owns you, re.
fuses to be content, no matter what you do.
IT you don't Join a military company, she sulks,
lnsinuates you are coward, turns up her nose,
and wishes she was man.. lfyOu do Join
said company, she sce.G2 about the expense,
grumbles about n loss of time, and growls
whenever you 60 to drlll-though. in optic Of
her growing, she always saves the choicest
part of the L.raer when you 60 conc.
"Then she laughs at you, and call you a
dressed Up monkey the first time she sees
you in uniform and then, as soon as you arc
gone out of the house, she rushes over to Mrs.
Jones to tell what splendid officer her hus.
bend le, and how magnificent he looks i'll his
new military dress.
Then, IT your reg lment is ordered away,
Auu you IuSlHNale mat BUSINESS dHdlrS Will
keen you at home, all her ire IS III ing in an
i0stan, cd she upraids you for backing OUT
IA. I've critical, int and insnuat thai you are
play-boy sOidiec; end then she wishes she
were Il mGn--she'd si.ov folks he to fight.
Then, when YOU finally ga .e Up your mind 10
90 TO the seat Of Wa. she bursts into wet tears
(w,nch spOt your new uniform and tarnish the
Iold lace on your s!.2Ves), and thinks you
81 : 1t TO he MEG 70 no of and leave YOUR
FAM She VOWS So don; believe you care
a yi:4w for your wife, or cent for your sweet
! chh,r"n knows you would rather be any.
whcre laen at non.r.' I'D wishes she were q
man, shcl teach ;hc President better than 10
send men away from taeir families
/ "Th.n, wh"a the day comes for you to
start sic v-Fs that she will 'neves speak
TO you agaln Il yon persist in going Then
when you take paper GU. of your pocket and
! pretend to read Through from the command
aut, excuslng you, and giving you leave TO
stay at home, she throws her apron over
Der head, sits down on the floor, aud how Is aloud,
10 think that she should have a coward for
husband - that her husband should be frad
t. go 10 the wars.' AEd then, when you tell
her ;hu. IS all mistake, and that you are 60
ing after ALL sha bowls louder than ever, be-
cause she knows you will be killed. fer she
feels II in h bones that you'll come home with
two wooden legs, and then how can you take
her TO the Academy on opera nights Then
she res RS IN turn 10 every ole OF the immc nse
list of female tactics to keep you at home-she
weeps, she banters, she pokes fun at you-she
| wishes she was q man-she gets mad-shs
sulks-she threatens to 90 home 10 her mother
she cOaXcs-she Woa't ever live with You
another doy'-she scO.ds she enlreats, and, as
last resort. she faints-in this case khe
always falls inO YOUR arms, if you make an offer
to catch her; if you don't offer, and if it's early
in the mornlDh, and she hasnt made her bed
yet, she'll fall on the bed Tut if the bed ID
made up nicely, she'll fall on the carpet SO as
not to muss the bed; ifthe faintng dodge DONE
work, and you still resolved tc @, che vows Ahe
hates you and that she'll never speak TO YOU
again. and then, to prove the III t.. ness of her
hate she goes oil and packs your haver-
sack full OF ali the dainties and delcacies oil
the season then, after all, at the very last mo-
ment, she comes and throws her arms around
+ yonr neck, and whispers that she loves you
best Of all in the world and that she'll be
, such a good girl ill you come back, and tina
/ she'll take such good care of the children ,
and that you mustn't fret about her, and tina
she'll write every blessed day, aud that YOU
3 must write just Gs often as you can and tina
she loves you best, best, best and a thousand
D little messages only for you, but oil kind unC
! loving and all told without a tear, for she dosen
n cry now until YOU are out of the house anC
when you are gone she weeps like shower
y bR TOR half an hour, then suddenly stops short
wipes her eyes, and dosen't waste another tea
n till she sees you sgain.
i That's the way they ell do and talk q
v peacefully as you can, she is never satisfied il
e her heart ill she sees you in uniform"