Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-06-01
Fact, Fancy and Fun.


-"Southern Rights" rites.
"A numbering concern.-A saw
mill.
"A hunter bags his game; a firt
sacks hers.
Equestrian burglary.-The break
ing in of horses.
BE sharp il you please, but never
become sharper. .nF
Bon Ton.-Billy Wilson's Zoua-
YES, "dressed to kill.' .--s
TO rob man of his money is to
wound him in the chest. y
-"Down outside" said the fiddler
when he fell out of the window.
-Laplanders-Ladics who get in an
over-crowded bus on rainy day.
What word would give sorrow to
the mechanic and JOY to the prisoner?
Discharged. .-.
Artists may not be guilty of direct
falsehoods, but they generally give
things a high color.
Why is a boy tired of skating like
modern politician? Because he for
getting office (office.)
No maiden ever unlocked her
heart to q lover, but a kiss was the
first prisoner to fly out.
Friend, the bible tells thee to swear
not at all. Oh well, / don't swear at
all only swear at those am mad at.
TO mash 4 troublesome creditors
nose is not the most commendable
mode of effecting the settlement Of his
bill. . -.:.'..r
IT necessity, the mother of Inveu-
ton, is also the mother Of Inventors,
she has very large family of starving
children.
The use we make of our fortune
determines its sutficiency. A little is
enough if used wisely, too much if used
foolishly.
When you receive note from
your lady-love, and kiss it, why is it
like the nightmare? Because 1t is the
jnA-you-5us !
What is that word of one syllable
which if the first letters are taken from
it, becomes word Of two syllabIes?
Plague. Aguc.
What is the difference between
an emperor and beggar? The one
issues manifestoes the other manifeSts
toes without his shoes.
TO printers-If YOU happen to fall
in with a type of the Baltimore Plug
Ugly, anywhere, under any 'circum-
stancer-don't forget to double lead
him.
An old topper, in discussion with
q temperance lecturer, triumphantly
asked, eff water rots your boots what
effect must it have on the coats of your
stomachs 90
"A boozy fellow was observed the
other day, driving porker, holding on
to his tail, and VIXEN asked what he
was doing, replied that he was study
ing ge-hog-raphy.
There are four things chat look
very awkward in a woman, ito see her
undertake to whistle; ito throw stone
at hog; to smoke cigar, and to
climb over a garden fence.
Profound silence in a public as
semblage has been thus neatly describ-
ed.
"One might have heard the steal
ing Of pocket handkerehief.'
The editor of one of the down-east
papers gives an account of his once hav-
ing for many years been haunted by
lounger, who had sat there so long that
when he died his shadow was found
fixed upon the wall.
-'sW hat are wages here ?" asked
laborer of a boy.
II don't know, SIR" replied the boy.
"What does your father get on Sat-
urday night?' ,s
"Get: Why, he gets as tight as a
brickr'
As the volunteers were about leav-
ing Easton for the War, a young man,
member Of one of the companies, shed
tears when he bade his mother good
bye. The old woman encouraged him,
saying, "Dry up, Joe, and show your
spunk."
From Our DrilIroom Reporter
ssThe North has got its back up in ear
nest, Jack" said broad-shouldered
volunteer, addressing another Of ike
scapular latitude.
eyes, and this is one of the Bri~ties
of it," replied Jack, as he fixed bis bay
onet.