Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1861-12-01


Keep your counteuanee open and youi
thoughts shat
a good hit, - as The chap said who struck
Billy Patterson.
A dangerous place for quadrupeds Of the feline
spccies-Catskil mountains.
We find sefmade men very often, but self
uumade ones a great deal oftener.
Query: Can the woman who negiects her
husbands shirts be the wife of his bosom
The Yankee generals are SO addicted TO re-
treating no wonder their heels are fuddled.
Carpenters ought TO be well skilled ia the use
OF the sword, they practice GHeiHg 50 much.
What will cause a cold, cure a cold, and pay
the doctor A dra1.
Happy are tho orphan children ion they have
no mothers TO spank them.
Humbug-Whsu your wife says sc loves you
and leaves the buttons off your shirt
Happiness Is like a pig with a greasy tail,
which every one runs after, but few hold It.
The tobacco-chewer is said to be like a goose
in q Dutch oven-always On the spit.
Punch says the best way Of manaing the navy
is to increase the number of Jertts.
Happy are they that are blind, for they shall
see 10 ghosts
Happy are they tina. are poor, for they shall
not be robbed.
Happy are they that are lame, for they shall
not have to go 10 war.
A progressive sgriculturist, wishing to i'm
prove his stock, has sent for one of the Popes
bulls.
Sewing girls cannot be expected to compete
with sewing machines, for they haven't such
iron constitutions.
Look well to your daughters sparks falling
upon your house are often less dangerous than
those coming into il.
Wanted for exhibition in the principal cities,
the man who can put up a stove pipe witheot
mental OF oral profanity.
Apretty child appears prottiest when plainly
DIRE sed, and a plain one cgn never be made
pretty by fuss and feathers
Tits not so unpleasant to a poor young wO-
man to wait upon the gentlemen, as It is to a
proud old maid to be waiting for them,
Happy are they that are born deas Tor they
viii not be bored with tedious stories or p~ointless
anecdotes.
A short time ago a man became so Completely
" wrapped up in thought" that be was tied up,
labeled, and sent of ON the first train of ideas.
What queer things men viii make for mon
ey as the Olt woman said when she saw a
monkey.
"Be content with what you have" as the rat
said to the trap, when be saw be had part Of his
tail in it.
Why are pen-makers the most dishonest per
SONS in the wUrld2 Because they make people
steel pens, and then say they do write.
Doctor, what do you think is the cause oil
tins frequent rush IL Of blood to my head 2" 'Oh,
it is nothing but an effort of nature. Nature,
you know, abhors a vacuum
4 man was recently charged with stealing his
neighbor's wood. He very promptly replied
" Well, now, sir, that is all smoke" We sup
pose, Of course, he alluded to the stolen wood.
THE S-SENTIALs-The essentials of a water
ing place may be literally summed up thus -
Sea, salt, sand, shrinps, shells, steamers, ships
and sailors.
Women are said to have stronger attachments
than men. Strength Of attachment is evinced
in little things. A man is often attached to an
old hat but did you ever know Of a woman at
tached 10 an old bonnet
homestead exemption, exclaimed Mrs.
Darlington, throwing down the paper. cts
come to a pretty pass, indeed, that men are 60
ing to exempt themselves from home just when
they please, without any proyis0 for cold
nights.
Never be critical upon the ladies'" vas The
maxim Of an old Irish peer, remarkable for his
homage 20 the sex; " the only way in the world
that a true gentleman ever VIII attempt to look
at the faults Of a pretty woman, is to shut hes
ayes
ADutchman was relating his marvellous es
cape from drowning, when thirteen Of his com
paniOus were lest by the upsetting Of a boat
and he alone was saved. And how did yoJ
escape their fate % asked one Of the hearers
+" I'd not go in te poat, was the Dutchmau'
placid answer.
It was a bright thought, that Of Smithson, tn
founder Of the Smithsonian Institute, when b
was dying Of an unknown complaint. Smith
son had five doctors, and they hal been unabl
to discover what his disease was. At ieugtl
they told the patient me must die. 2
My friends, after I die, make a post morter
examination, and find out what ais me 70
really / have heard such long aud learned discus
sions on the subject, that 1 am dying to know
what the disease is myself