davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
Wit ana a5umur.

How do you do, Mrs. Tom? Have
you heard that story about Mrs. Fundyg
Why. no; really, Mrs. Cab, what is It?
Do telly' oh. I promised not to tell
for all the world. No; must not tell as
long as ! live; just as true as the world
What Ia it2 Come. tell Nov, you
wont say anything about it, will your
NO; III never open my mouth about is
never! Hope I'd die this minute. We'll,
it you believe me, Mrs. Fundy told me
yesterday that her sisters husband was
told by person, that Mrs. Troubles ell
dest brothers step daughter said that il
was reported b. the captain of clam
boat. just arrived from the Feejee Islands,
that the ihermsids about that section
wore shark skin bnstles stuffed with pick
led eels.
CHARLESTON TO ibcom mode the ehA
emy, the people of Charleston have des-
troyed their harbor. This reminds us
of an old Frcnchman who asked bank
to redeem in specie hundred dollar bill.
The bank refused. This so exasperated
the Fycnchman that he exclaimed, "By
gar.l have my revenge saying which,
be tore up the bill aud threw it into the
cashiers face. AIGaty Knicksrbocker.
Mamma said little fellow, whose
mother had forbade him drawing horses
and ships on the mahogany side board
with sharp nail "mamma, this amt d
nice house. At Sam Racketts We can
cut the sofa, and pull out the hair, and
ride the shovel and tongs over the car
pet, but here We cant get any fun at
all,
A girl thinks of her lover as her vital
spark.
A CnILD's Possession. womah ap!
peared in the court of Louisville recent
y.tc be appointed guardian for hcr'child
when the following colloquy ehsued:
''What estate has your childH 'Plaze
your honor, don't understand you
Judge-''1 say, what has sbc got?'
"Chills and fever, place your honor
NEVER SAW HIM DRUNK.-A witness In
a certain court on being interrogated as to
whethcr the defendant in o certain case was
drunk, replied:-"Well, | can't say that l
have seen him drunk exactly but once saw
him sitting in the middle of the door, ina
king grabs in the air, saying that he'd be-
hanged if he didn't c,s.cA the bed the hexs
time it ran past him.
FEMALE FREEDoM.-The London Puuch,
in a late issue, gave the following
Bosom Friend.-Well, dear, now that YOU
are widow, tell me are you any happier
for it?
Interesting Widow.-Oh, no! But have
my freedoms, and that's a great comfort
DO you know, my dear, bad an onieu yes
terday for the first time these fourteen years.
How is it that trees can put on new dress
without opening their trunks? Because they
leGEe out their summer clothing.
Peter, are you into the sweetmeats again2
No marin; the Ssreetmeats are into me-
A grave friend Of ours tells usthat Be and
his wife always 60 to bed qunrreing, "and
yet says he, 1--WE never faD 6'n"
We'll, said Mrs. Partington, "Garibafdi is
a great man, he succeeds by most san culinary
CT eapectoratisus.'
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
The Arabs Proof:

Some years ago Frenchman. who,
like many of his countrymen, had won a
high rank among men Of science yet who
denied the great God who is the author
Of all science, was crossing the great
Saliafa, in company with an Arab guide.
Ilo noticed, with sneer, that at certain
times his guide, whatever obstacles might
arise, put them all aside. and knceling
on the burning sands, called on his God.
Day after day passed, and still the Arab
never failed. till at last one evening the
philosopher, when he arose from his
knees, asked him, with contemptuous
smile, How do you know there is q God!
The guide fixed his burning eye on the
scofer for moment in wonder, and then
said solemnly, How do | know there is
IA God? How do know that mati and
not camel passed my hut last night, in
the darkness? Was it not by the print
Of his foot in the sand?-Even so, and
he pointed to the sun, whose last rays
were flashing over the lonely desert,
"tlut footprint is not that of man.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
Counsel to People that are Going
TO Move.

As moving time is fast approaching, "A
contemporary gives the following excel
lent advice, which, as the almanac ma +.
kers say. will suit one latitude as well as
another.
In the first place don't move!
Remember the famous story of the
fish that moved out of the frymg-pan
into the fire--call to mind all the allie
gories, ancient and modern, respecting
the folly of charge if the leaky roof
can't be meE3ed-considor whether the
range bakes so very badly-roconcile
yourself to narrow Kitchens and defec-
tive water-pipes-be at peace with all
the world, and your house into the bar
gain, and don't move!
But if this advice comes after the bill
has been put up and the house let, and
another one taken, the next best thing
is to arrange matters as philosophically
az possible, and the following scraps of
counsel may be advantageously adhered
to.
Don't keep your house in confusion a
month before the eveutfal Rigera "a
week is quite long enough to MAKE cha
os Of
Don't undertake to clear up things
generally. 1t is not economy to bargain
away your husbands best coat to rag
man, mistaking it for his old moth eaten
toga- neither is it wisdom TO burn all
the receipts and family papers, along
with old letters and newspapers, just to
get them out of the wayP
Don't think it necessary to feed your
household on cold beans and luke warm
tea, or to quarter them on Aoos beds
with carpet bags for their pillows, be-
cause you happen to be getting ready to
move.
If your husband is handy man,
send him about his business as early in
the morning as possible, on moving day.
Handy men are nuisances at any peri
cd, but at such time they are an aggra-
vation beyond The power of words to de-
scribe.
Keep your wits about you, and when
your courage begins to fail. just bolster
it up with the comfortable conviction
that what a woman cant do, is not worth
doing at all
Don't pack canary-bird and a cat TO-
gether. aud object decisively to the dres-
sing glasses being steadied with coal
scuttles or smoothing irons.
Convince the cart-man at once that
you are the director of affairs, not no, and
don't let him impose upon you in the
matter of short loads. What if you arc
ouly small woman, and be an Irishmar
Of the amplest pattern Napoleon wa.
not six footer. that ever we heard of
i If you hear anything jingle. stop you
Tears, and don't lcok round until you hay,
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
Religious Intelligence,

CHURCH, UNIoT.--Rev. Dr. Doggett IN The
last Richmond Adr6cate published the report
of the committee to the hate Va, Conference,
upon the fraternal relation of the Methodist
Episcopal and Methodist Protestant Church.
eS in that State, and p7ecedes it with some
pertinent and well timed remarks, on the
propriety and feasibility of uniting the two
churches. Two bodies SO like each other in
all the essentials of church Of Christ should
not be separated. -" North Carolina"
DENrED CHRISTIAN BURIAL.-Bishop Bay
ley, of the Roman Catholic diocese Of New
ark. n. j., instructs his people that Christian
burial will be denied to all who. sell intoxica-
ting drinks to improper persons or at improp-
CT times.
Mr.. Surgeons mammoth tabernacle is ex-
pectcd 30 be open toward the close of March.
Tree Of debt. The sum spent will have Eeen
E30, 900, Of which e2,0oe has yet to be rais-
ed. 1t is estimated that about 900, coo per-
sons have contributed TO the building fund.
Not single accident has occurred during
the building Of the immense structure.
The Wesleyan Missionary Society in Eug-
land have recently appointed eight.more mis-
sionaries t. the Fesgee and Tonga islands
In the FeeSee Islands alone, they have alrea-
dy nine thousand members.
Pho cot,,ocuo or the Bencor 'Tbeo,oy;ca,
SEMINARY for lsGr gives the following ann.
morv.MSenior Class 1s: Middle Glass o5.
Junior Glass, 26. Total, Ga. 1t PROPOSED
to found professorship to be styled the Ed
of the late DR.. Paysor.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21

found Id the tarnal SHOWS OF the equa-
torial phalanx. or brillin meath the tep-
sicorial visitoods Of torrid empyreans, in
admiration of the American Eagle -
But, sir, | would see that flag cut up
for poatice bon ages. would see that
eagle plucked bafer than bare-rock, and
his meat used for wolf-bait afore I'll see
the rights of this suvrin taoun invaded
or upset. Gentlemen, don't know what
them rights is, but my proud motter is
now au ever, $40 or fte!
Il will naow appoint Permission Pea
body committee Of the hull to draf. re-
solutions expressive of the common
sense of this mcetin.'
While the committee was nout making
the sense of the meetin, the Tipsy corral
Glee Club sang the Marcellus hymn
altered for the occasion.
Sons of Hornby,
Wake to glory
oh Dan Tucker and The Frog he
would Wooing,' &c., with great effect
Deacon Pendergrass was axed to pray
but he wouldn't, so we passed. the bal
lance of the time in stompin, imitation
pigs, roosters an tom-cats.
The tomihitttb on resolutions offered
the followin:
:fh the name Of the ,Statc-forevcr-
more, amen SIS Whereas the people
of Hurnby. being of same mind an law
full age, do deposc an say
1st. Resolve: That ali men are created
free an equal -exceptln them that isn't
ID. Resolved: That the election of A
BRAN Hannibal is direct iusult to horn
by, and orient to be put up with SO it or
tent.
3D. Resolved: That onless the stit A
bram shall take back every thing lie has
agin the peace aud dignity of this suv-
rim rooncipality--or eff he hes'n said
nothin, he dus not faithfully promise not
to do it agin, then this moonicipality
will, proceed to stultify itself, accordin
to statoot made an provided.
4th. Rcsolved: That we hev the right,
an will see-seed-fo forcibly eff we can,
peaceably eff we must.
Otn. IeSplf fcu. l. HlJ tuc OcIcch men
be empowered to borry on the credit of
the taoun, eff they can, the sum of S24
10, to put the Hernby Pbalanx on war
footin.
9th Resolved: That the Stars an
Stripes be an hereby is abolished, an
that a new flag be obtained, emblazoned
with the tdoun arms-a Toodchuck ram
pant. with the motter Il bites and one
star in the centre.
7th Resolved: That this ere gone aou.
of a suvriti 10 ,minary ar a sollum thing
and haonevcr much human critters may
laaf and jeast, we is grati6ed to know
that mater is more seriouser, an is maxim |
demonstrations suitable to the solum
event. The arithquake of Oct. 10 was
a leetlc ahead of time to be sure, but on
the hull creditable. Thar ar spots on
the sun, an since the 9Th of November it |
rises later and later, at the same time
scttin arlier and airlicr. The moon al
so is gibeous. an some think its got the
phases, for all of which this meetin is
suitably greatful.
Sth. Resolved: That most of this dis
ressing sitooation is OWN to Portland.
rharforc Resolved that we will carry
.our taters to some other market, and
hat we repudiate all demands which Por-
land folks hold agih us.
9th. Resolved: That this meeting do
laow adjourn-w which it did.
All the above is facts, | make no
unnecessary.
ETHAN SPIKE.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
CUMBERLAND MARYLAND THURSDAY MORNING MARCH 81 1851.

roar of laughter, much to the discomfi-
ture of the cashier. who had taken his
Gus omer to be Chicago broker, with
designs on the specie vaults.
The President of the bank, who, him
self, had been summoned. hearing that
something was the matter, at that mo-
ment arrived, and explained the condi-
ton of affairs to bis Boston friend. 1t
was unanimously voted by the assem-
blage, who went into committee of the
whole, that the cashier should be mulc-
ted for oysters for the company, more
serious fine there than here, the bivalves
costing half dollar plate The Wig
liant custodian of the funds, however,
cheerfully paid seven dollars And half
for the refreshments of the company he
had called together, and the Boston man
was voted The freedom of the town by
his new acduaintances. Com. Bulletin.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
SINGERS
Sewing Machines (!
A New Machine
Which makes no Noise |!

WE desire to call the attention of Tai
~ lors to our New Machines, just from our
Mandatory, which is the Fastest Ma line in
the World, runs easy, and makes no noise.
This improvement is found in no other ma
chInsand is secured by letters patent
To those who have refrained from buying we
offer the most perfect machine, the only one that
does every kind of tailoring, the finest and the
coarsest, all the work OF the Family; binds hats,
caps, fronts, CATERS, shoes, and every thing ne
cessary to be sewed. The reputation of our ma
chimes, $1,000 in operation Id this city, is suAi-
cent recommendation to the new Improvement
@r Send for copy Of |. NJ SINGER 4 Cos
GAZETTE, which will be sent free. Parties
wishing to purchase, will notice our Machine
with one operator-will do more work than
any other two machines, which is gain Of 100
per cent. Prices ranging from $50 to Sl25.
W. e. BRODERICK, Agent,
l59 Baltimore st.
Baltimore, Md, Jan &c, ls6O-ly.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21


TIE OFIUM EATER. When Thoma.
De Quincy was at Oxford he spent all
his money in buying books. SO that lit,
orally he had none left for any other pur.
pose, and his wardrobe was the part of
his expenditure in which il was least un-
pleasant for him to retreach. He car
ried this so far that one day, On going
to dine in the hall, he could find no
waistcoat sufficiently presertable, so he
went without and buttoned up his coat
to hide the deficiency. Two of his
neighbors at table soon made him aware
that it was evident enough.
Have you heard, said one, that an
order in council hasjust been issued pro-
hibiting waistcoats ?
Yes, said the other, 'and there is to
be another next week to do away with
trosers.' This was the only remark
which--as far as he knew-tis poverty
ever excited at Oxford.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
puetirul.
SomebOdy'll Come Tonight.
BY CORA NJ. EAGER.

BY CORA NJ. EAGER.
| must bind my hair with the myrtle bougb,
And gem it with buds of white;
And drive this blush from my burnig brow,
For-some6odyW come tonight.
And while his eye shall discern a grace
In the braid and the folded flower,
He must not find in my tell-tale face
The spell of his wondrous power.
/ must don the robe which he fondly calls
A cloud of enchanting light;
And sit where the mellow moonlight falls,
For-SomebodyW come to night.
And while the robe which the place shall seem
But tho veriest freak OF Chance,
"ris sweet to know that his eye will beam
With a tender happier glance.
Twas thus sang when the years were few
That lay on my girlisk head.
Ard all the flowers my fancy grew
Were tied with golden thread.
And "somebody' came. ard the whispers there
/ cannot repeat them, guile
But know that my soul went up III prayer,
And "someJods's" here tc night.
| blush no more the whispered vow,
Nor sigh in the soft moonlight,
Ny robe has the taint of the amber now,
And sit by the anthracite.
And the locks that We'd with the glossy wren
Have passed from the silver gray. [then,
But the love that decked them with flowers
Is a holer love to-day.
Sometimes pluck from the favorite tree
A bud or an open rose
To lay on my bar. then smile to see
How it paes on bed Of SHOWS.
| smile, because, when turn away,
There's "somebody" smiling too, day
For he thinks of the cline and the coming
When we shall our bloom renew.
When the feet that have trodden the narrow
way
Unialtering, side by side,
Go up to the rest Of eternal day,
And the home Of the sancticd
And this is The teuderest hope Of al
My faithful! heart has nurscd,
Lest he miss the love that is r,l>t recall,
That " somebody's" chosen first.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
Have You seen the Prince of Wales?

If not, call at 5. T. LITTLE'S JEWELRY
Store and sec his Photograph at tho same time
do not forget to examine his extensive stock
as he has just returned from the Eastern and
Northern factories with full assortment in
his line of business and is able to sell exceed
ly low for cash.
Sign of the big watch north side of Baltimore
st near the railroad.
S. T. LITTLE,
N. D. the American watches at factory
prices, Nov. g..
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21

The monarch tree Of the Sierra Nevada,
California, known as the "Miner's Cabin"
was blown down by the hurricane of the 14th
ult 1t was 80 feet in diameter, and suppo-
sed to be 5000 wears old.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
THE LAW OF NEWSPAPERS.

lfsubscribers order the discontinusnce OF
their newspapers, the publisher may continne
to send them until all arrearages are paid.
Ifsubscribers neglect or refuse to take their
newspapers from the Office to which they are
directed, they are held responsible until they
nave settled the bills and orderedthem discon-
tinued.
If subscribers move to other places without
informing the publisher, and the newspaP aPers are
sent to the former direction, they are heio re-
sponsible.
The courts have decided that reiu sing TO
take newspapers from the office, or removing,
and leaving them uncalled for, is prima facia
evidence ofintentional fraud.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
Germs oft6e gioi(iun C ge(egrap6.

TWO DOLLARS per annum, strictly in ad-
Tance-S2.5o if not SO paid, and $500 II not
paid within the year.
Those who expect to receive the CIVILIAN
TELEGRAPH for $500 must pay invariably IN
advance.
D5-Bear in mind that no paper wit be d's-
continued until all arrearages are paid.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
Rates of Advertising.

One square of IL lines, so cents for one iia-
sertion--subsequent insertions rs cents each
All advertisements under IL lines charged as a
square.
Business Cardsin the Directory, per anuum,
including subscription, So.
MONTHS. ONE TWO THREE SIX TWELVE.
One square, 20 2 25 Q SO 6 90 10 90
Two squares 25 4 90 90 9 90 IA 10
Three squares,3 SO S 90 Z 30 IL 90 l8 90
Four squares SO 6 90 8 90 IA 90 20 30
Quarter COL, 0J 8 90 IL 90 lS 90 80 90
Larger space forshort periods, as per agree
ment.
Advertisements before Marriages and Deaths,
10 cents per line for first insertion-sucsequent
insertions, 5 cents per line. Nine words arc
counted rs line in advertising.
Merchants and others, advertising by the
year. will be charged Sl2 90.
Proceedings of meetings not of general
character, charged at cents per line for each
insertion.
Yearly advertisers must confne theiradver-
.isiug to their own business.
ALL TRANSIENT ADVERTISING, outside the city
afCumberland, cash in advance.
Persons ordering the insertion oflegaladver-
isements will be held responsible for payment
for the same when the time for which they were
ordered to be inserted shall have expired.
INsoLvENT NOTICES, cash In advance.
PATENT MEpIcINEs, one halfin advance and
The balance in six mont tbs.
ALL jon WORK, cash.
The losses we have sustained compel us to
adopt this course. 1t will be strictly adhered
to i n all cases. and no advertisement from
distance will be inserted unless accompanied
by the cash.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
NUMBER l2.

counted twenty. BE resigned to what
ever may be-fall or be-bfeak
And rememeer that as every thing
else comes to an end, so also does mo-
ving-dayi
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
A Potter Wanted.

journemsn potter, who is a good workman,
I will ind constant employment and good
a ess, on application 70 VIM. Kilmer, New
r, sk ststs'n Va, Bait. 4 Ohio Rail Read.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
CONSTITUTIONAL DEBILITY.

Young men beware of the perncious indtl
gencs and lmost fatal injury you inact upon
your constitutions, by evil examples and the
morbid influence Of the passions. ,,r.
How many young persons do we daily behold,
whose countenances and debiiitated con nstitutions
depict disease arising from that horrible and de-
vsstating vice.
1t could be shown how attenuation of the
frame, palpitation of the heart, arrangement of
the nervous system, cough, indigestion and II
train of symptoms, indicative of consumption,
Aro often ascribcd to wrong causes, when in re-
ality, they a:e the consequences of an alhring
and pernicious practice alike destructive to the
mind and body.
You who havo brought this afIliction upon
yourselves, why embrace the secret to your
hearts and vainly attempt to cure yourselves,
instead Of making immediate application to a
skillfull physician, who in short time, would
restore you to perfect health and save you from
exposure which the fatal consequences render it
envitable.
Ns- DR.. Smith gives his special attention to
the treatment of this destructive malady. Pa
tisnts can be cured ut home by addressing let
ter to Dr. Smith, describing symptoms, and re-
ceive medicine securely packed from observation
forwarded by express or otherwise to any part
of the country.
N. B.-Persons afflicted with any of the
above oom plants will do we'll to avoid boo.ting
impostors whether foreign or native, as also the
numerous Societies advertised as certa n cure
for every disease. These preparations are put
up to sell and not to cure. and often do more
harm than good, therefore avoid them.
"A word to the wise is sufficient"
Address, DR.. j. II. SMITH.
No. ] S. Frederick Street, Baltimore, Md.
o. No letters will be answered unless they
contain remittance or Postage Stamp to pay
postage on the answer.
Jgu, lst, lS6l,-ly.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
INSOLvENTS NOTICE.
Patent Lard Lamp,

THE subscriber is now manufacturing Patent
i Lard Lamp, which he ofers for sale. twill
also burn any kind Of dirty grsess. Cali and
exaninsit. nis. JOHN JOHNSON.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-03-21
Liverpool Salt.

4250 Sacks g. a. SAT-. y \
$3.50 Sacks Ashton's Fine Salt-factory fll-
ed--ten to the ton, just received pr Ship Scots
man direct from Liverpool. For sale BY
FOWLE 3 90.
Alexandria, Va, Nov. l5 1860.
The daily exchange. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1858-1861, 1861-09-11
TRUSTEES SALE


-1AcA- GILM0R STREET PROPERTY
BY virtue ct decree Of the Circuit Court FL, Raj. i'm re-
city the undersigned, Trustee, will sell by public u,t on
SEP r. 1861, ii fair fn i;,ir then o the lext ir
dag thrreaftcrl the hour of Gciac- =.
ALI. THpSS. TWO Pa Rolls BE M situated in
Baitm city, the side uf Gil o. street F,.h In.
IRONS twenty eeb with ph # hundred AMI Nv
seven Get 20 the east side OF Nucen; alley said hgy
rsSPtcuFeiE "le mn dred aud ninety and tNo hundred
ana rthertE from the
,0n ana Hmor streets esch lot is subject t the yearly rent
0! Slo) pavai half yearly. Is md Ja irarv i'm
poV an NJ on each To- is three story BRICK Nv Lime
with two story back building bring the property
leased by Mics White to c. Shuwacge See G. /; X
No. lI9, folio -. Taxes and ground rent will be pal mn
TO LIST of September 1851 ' "P
Terms OF s,le-OnC half Of the purchase money paid
cash on the d9y OF sale balance payable four month";
sara day VITA interest, for which is given Sc
cured TO the satisfaction of the ru>tae
Ia