The Democratic press. (Eaton, Preble County, Ohio) 1860-1865, 1861-09-26
Artemus Ward Sees the Prince Napo-
leon.

IIuNI lOi INC pa pcIS VI IdtC, i'ODObN
needn't fatter themselves that the
undersigned is dcd. On the contry,
4 still Iiyc,' which words was spo-
ken by Danyil Webster, who was
a able man.
The regiment of whom [ was
kurnel iincrly concluded they was
better adapted as Home Cards,
which accounts for your not he9rin
of me, car this where the bauls is
the thickcst and where the cannon
doth roar But as a American cit
izcn | shall never cease to admire
the mastcrly advance our troops
made on Washington from Bulls
Run, a short time ago. ltwas well
dun. [ spoke to my wife bout it
at the time. My wife said it was
well dun.
1t havin thcre4 bin determined
to perfect BaldinsviIle at all haz-
yards, as there was no apprchcn-
sions of any immcjit danger, !
thought [ would 90 orr onto
pleasure tower. Accordingly put
on clean billed shirt and started
for Washington. | went there to
see the Prints Napoleon, and not
to see the place. 1t is easy cnUtI
to see why man goes TO the poor.
house or the penitcntiary. It's be-
caws he can't help it. But why
he should voluntarily go and live
in Washington is entirely beyond
my comprehension, and L can't say
no fairer not that.
Iput up to lcadin hotel, | saw
the landlord and sed, 1[ow dye do,
Squirc!'
Fifty cents, SIR was his reply.
Sir?
1Talf-a-dollar. We charge 25
cents for Iookin at the landlord and
fifty cents for speakin to him. If
you want supper, boy will show
you to the dinin room for twenty
five cents. Your room bcin in the
tenth story, it will cost you q dol
lar to be shown up there
IIow much do you AK q man for
breathin in this equinomikal tav-
urn" scd [.
Ten cents a breth,' was the re-
ply.
Washington hotels is very rea-
sonable in their charges. N. B.
This is sarkassum.
I sent my keerd to the Prints,
and was immejitly ushered before
him. He received me kindly, and
axed me to sit down.
4 have cum to pay rcspccks to
you, Mister Napoleon, hopin | see
you hale and harty.'
L am quite WE'LL he sed. 'Air
you well, sir!'
Sound as acussn | answered.
lie sccmcdto be pleased with my
ways, and we entered into CONVEX
satiOn to Onct.
IIow's Lewis! | aXed, and he scd
the Emperor was well. Eugcny
was likewise well, he said. Then /
axed him was Lewis good provi-
der? Did he cum home arly mites!
Did he perfoom her bed room at n
unreasonable hour with gin and
tanzy2 Did he go to the Lodge
on mites when there wasn't any
Lodge? To all Of which questions
the Prints perlitely replide, given
me to understand that the Empe-
ror was bchavin well.
Il ak these questions, my royal
duke and most noble highness and
impcrials, becaws I'm anxious to
know how he stands as a man. |
know he's smart; he is cunnin, he
is longhcded, he is depc-he is
CRATE! But onless he is good, he'll
come down with a crash one Of
these days, and the Bonyparts will
be busted up agin. Bet yer lifc?'
airy you preacher, sir?' he in
quired, slitely sarkastical.
NO, sir. But | bleeve in moral
ity. | likewise blecve in Mcctin
Houses. Show me q place where
there isn't any Meetin Houses, and
where preachers is never seen, and
I'll show you place where old
hats air stuffed into broken win
ders, where the children air dirty
and ragged, where gates hav no
hinges, where the wimin air slip
shod, and where maps of the devils
wild lands air painted upon mems
shirt-bosums with tobacco jooce.-
That's what I'll show you. Let lis
consider what the preachers do for
US before we aboose 'em.
He sed he didn't mean to aboose
the clergy. Not at all, and ho was
happy to see that | was interested
in the Bonypart family.
Its a crate family, sod I. 'But
they scoopcd the old man in
How, sir?'
Napoleon the Grand. The Brit
ishers scooped him at Waterloo.
lie wanted to do too much, and he
did it! They scooped him in at
Waterloo, and he subsequently
died at st. Heleny! He'd of the Ar