Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1861-07-06
Artemus Ward in the Southern Cor
federacy.
BIS SHOW Is CoNFIsCArED.

You hay perhaps wondered whereabouts
was Tor these many dase gone and past. Per.
chans you spose Id gone 10 the Toomb of the
Cappylets, tho don't kno what those is.
It's popular noospaper Erase.
Listen to my tail, aud be silent that ye may
here. I've been among the Sesbers earnin
my daily peck by my legitimit perleshun, and
havn't had no time 10 weeld my facile quill
for "ihe Crate Komic paper" if you'll allow
me to kote from troothful advertisement.
l went among the Seshers with no feelirs
OF annermosty.ss | went in my pTofeshunal
capacity. l was actooated by one of the
most Loftiest desires which can swell the
human Boozum, viz to give the people
their moneys worth by shown them Sagashus
Beests and Wax Statoots which venture to
say air onsurpas: by any other statoots any.
where's. will not call that man who sez my
tatoots ls humbugs liar and horse theefs,
but bring him bed NE and III wiiher him
with one OF my skornful frowns.
But to proceed with my tail. 10 my
travis threw the Sonny South hurd o heep
OF taiR about Seshesun and Dustin up the
Union, but didn't think it mounted TO
nothln. The politicians in oil the villages
swearin that Old Abe (sumtimes called tbe
Prayrle fiower) shouldn't never be noggera.
various ways, but they was used to that |
didn't let it worry me much, and the Stars
aud Stripes continnered for to wave over my
little tent. Moore over, / was O son of
Malty, aud member Of several Tempracs
Societies, and my wife she was daughter Of
Malty, and sposed these fax would secoor
me the inHoooz and perfection of all the fust
families. Alass was dispinted. State
aIter state seseshed, and it crowd hotter and
hotter Tor the undersigned. Things come to
chmopacks 10 small town in Alabamy,
where was peremptoraly ordered to haul
down the Stars d Stripes. A dsppytashun
oI red laced men cum up to the door OF my
tent WHARF l was standn and takin money,
(the AFTERNOON exhibishun had commenced,
ana my ltalyun organst was jerkin his soul.
stlrrin chmes.) 1--WE are cum, sir" said a
nillengtary man in q cockt hat, "spon hi
and holy mishun. The Southern Eagle is
screamn threwout this sunny laud-proudly
and detiantly screamin air."
What's the matter with him." ses I, "don't
his yittles set we'll on his stummick 7"
That eagle, sir, will continner to scream
sll over this Brite and tremepjus land"
"Wall, let him scream. If your eagle can
amuse himself by screamin, let him went ~
The men annoyed me, for was Bizzy maxim
change.
I'VE are cum, sir, upon a matter OF
duty"
You're right, Captiug It's every mans
dooty to visit my show" sed /.
1--WE air cum"
"And that's the reason you are here |" sez
!, lardn one of my sivery larfs, thawt if he
wanted to COAX I'd Civ him sum of my spark.
ling eppygrams.
"Sir, you're inserlent. The plain question
is, will you haul down that Stars pangled
banner, aud hist the Southern flag I"
Mary hist ]" those was my reply.
your wax works and beests is then con.
hstlcated, you are arrested as q Spyl"
Seq |, my fragrant roses Of the Southern
CLINE and bloouin datfodls, what's the price
OF whiskey in this tosa, and how many cubic
feet OF that seductive dooid eau you iIdivo.
! daily hoidr'