Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1861-06-06

Conference.-The Show is Con
hscated.
You hev perhaps wondered wharebouts
I was for these many dase gone and past.
Perchans you sposed I'd gol.e to the Tomb |
Of the Cappylets, tho | don't know what
those is. It's poplar roospaper Erase.
Listen to my tail 2nd be silent that ye
may here;
I've been among the Seseshers, earIin
my daily peck, by my legitimit perfeshun,
and haven't had no time to weeld my fa-
Gle quill for the "Grate Komick Paper"
ifyou'l allow me to kwote from your trooth-
full advertisement.
Ny success was skaly, and / likewise
had narrer seape Of my life. If what
I've bin threw is "Suthern hospitality
bout which we've hern so much, tlen feel
bound to obsarye that they made too much
Of me. They were altogether too lavish Of
their attenshuns.
1 went amung the Seseshers with no
feelins of annertuosity. | went in mi per-
feshernal capacity. | was actooated BY
one Of the most Loftiest desires which can
swell the human Boozum, viz: to civ the
people their moneys worth. by shown
the Sagashus Beests and Wax Statoots,
which | yenter to say are onsurpast by any
other statoots anywheres. / will not call
that man who SEE my statoots arc humbugs,
q liar and boss thief, but bring him b
me-, and III wither him with one of my
frowns.
But to proseed with my tail. In my
travis threw the Sonny South | heared q
hep of talk about Seceshin and Dustin up
the Union, but didn't think it amounted
to nothin. The politicians in all the villa
ges was swearin that Old Abe sometimes
called the Prahayrie fower)sshouldn't new
er be noggerated. They also made fools
ofthernselves in varis ways, but as they
was used to that | didn't let it worry me
much, and Tie Stars and Stripes contin-
nered for to waiy over my little tent
Moore over, was Son of Malty, and a
member of several other Temperance So
cieties and my wife she was Dawter Of
Malty, an sposed these fax would secoor
me the inhoonz and perfection Of all the
fust families. Alas ] was dispinted.-
State after State seseshed and it growed
hotter for the undersigned Things come 10
climbmacks in a small town in Alabamy,
where ] was pree mtorally ordered to haul
down the Stars and Stripes. A deppyta-
shun of red-faced men cum up to the door
of my tent ware | was standin takin money
1.-THE AFTERNOON exhibishun had commenst,
an my Italynd organist was jerkin his sole
stirrin chimes.) 1--WE are cum !, Sir" said
a millingtary man in cockt hat, "upon
hi and holy mishun The Southern
Eagle is screamin threwout this sunny
Land, proudly and defantly screamin,
Sirp'
whats the matter with him? 2" SEE /
"don't his whites set well on bis STUN.
mick z"
"That Eagle,sir, will c1ntinner to scream
all over this brite and ire MENUS landw
"Wa, let him scream. If your eagle
can amuse himself by screamin, let him
went p The men annoyed me, for was
bizzy maxim change.
eve are cum, sir, upon matter Of doc
ty"-
you're right, captin; it's every mans
dooty to visit my show" scd |.
ave are cum
"And that's the reason you are here
SEE /, larfn one of my silyery larfs. ]
thawt if he wanted to COAX I'd give him
sum of my sparklin' eppygrams.
"Sir, you're inserlent. The plain ques-
ton is, will you haul down the star span
gled banner and hist the Sdthern flag"
"Nary hist" Those was my reply.
s.Your wax works and beests is then con
fscated, & you are arrested as a spy~
SEE /, "My fragrant roses ofthe South
ern cline and blooming datodils, whats
the price of whiskey in this town, and how
many cubic feet Of that seductive fooic
can you Individually hold!'
They made no reply to that, but said
my wax fggers was confsticated. axet
them if that was ginerally the stie among
thieves in that country, to which they alst
made no reply, but sed | was arrested as
Spy, and must go to Montgomery ia iruns
They was by this time iined by large
crowd of other Southern patrits, who com
menSt hollerin, "Hang the bald-headed
aberlitionists, and bust up this immoral ex
hibitionw | was ceased and tied to
stump, and the crowd went for my tent
that waterproof pavilion. wherein instrc
zion and amusement had been so muchl,
combined, at 3 cents per head-and tor,
it all to pieces. Meanwhile dirty faced
boys were THROWN stuns and empty bee
bottles at my massiv brow, d takin othel
improper liberties with my person. Resist
ance was useless, for a variety of reasons
rs | readily obsarved.
The Seseshers confsticated my statoots
by smashin them to attums. They ther
went to my money box and confisticated
all the loose change therein contained
They then went and bust in my cages, let
tin all the animiles loose, small but h,lthy
tiger amung the rest. This tiger has a J.:
centric way of tearing boys to pieces, anc
alters sposed from ginora conduck thai
he'd have no hesitashun in servin human
beins in the same way'if he could git a
them. Excuse me ii was crooil, but
larfed boysterrusly when saw that tige
spring in amung che peple. Go il, my