Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-05-04
Fact, Fancy and Fun,
"A Dev of all Jeers-lst of April


The school-ma'am's maxim-A
switch in time saves nine.
The two largest women In Ameri-
ca-NIiss Ouri and Mrs. Sippi.
A good way of observing Lent
paying back borrowed moned.
Rum, tobacco and tight lacing are
the worlds three great fool killers
Of what color is grass when cov-
cred with snow? LaUisi6le green.
WHY should miser envy clock
that goes too fast? Because it is con-
stantly gaining.
The wasp attacks the ripest fruit.
trees; 50 will slander attempt to wound
the honest fame.
Few young girls are SO inconsola-
bic that their hearts cannot be kent
aAoat by . 5uoy.
There is such a general anxiety to
enlist that the farmers are afraid Of
being short of help.
Fast horses win cups by the use
OF their legs; fast men lose their legs
by the use OF cups.
Reading makes q learned man,
writing q correct man, thinking great
man, and praying good man.
The sNells of the ocean soon SUBJ
side. There are a good many on the
landathat subside about as soon. -.....
An advertiser in one of the papers
says be has cottage to let, containing
eight rooms and an acre Of land.
A pretty girls sentimental religion
If an agreeable fellow kiss YOU on
one cheek, turn TO him the other also.
Why should potatoes grow better
than other vegetables? Because they
have eyes to see what they are, doing.
Why will Wisconsin be likely to.
get into trouble with the Hberators of
Italy? Because she sends K1inq to,
Rome.
"A couple of sailors were recently
arrested in New Orleans for throwing
tar over each other. Il was pitcH-
battle.
Model wives formerly took s.
"stitch in time - but now, with the
aid Of a sewing machine, they take one
in no time
I'VE know very ligiy and penuri-,
Gus man, who works in his own fields
in the summer time to save the expen-
ses Of q scarecrow ...'
An editor says the only reason
why his house was not blown away in
the late gale, was because there was
heavy mortgage upon it.
What is the difference between
attempted homicide and hog-kiEIing2, 2,
One IS an assault with intent to kill
the other is kill with intent to salt.
--''Are those bells ringing for fire 90
inquired Simon Of Tiberias. :sNo, in
deed" answered Tibe, "they have got
plenty Of fire, and are now ringing for.
water"
-They have got a boy in Hempfeld,,
Pa, who was horn with but one eye,
and that in his forehead-and no nose
Whatever The rest of him does well
enough.
-"Madam, q good many persons
were very much disturbed in meeting
by the crying of your baby"
''W ell, do wonder such people will
go to meeting"
-"Where shall I put this paper so
rs to be sure of seeing it tomorrow
inquired Mary Of her brother Charles.
''Oh, on the looking glass, to be sure,"
was the reply.
When merchants begin to take
their signs down in the newspapers, it
is generally regarded as an indication
of their retirement from business Or
failure bv the sensible and discerning.
A gentleman was congratulatlng
the President, the other day, upon the
cheering fact that SO many office-seek-
7rs are leaving.
80, no. said Mr.. Lincoln, "don't
sou know that when the flies COM
nence leaving in the fall, the remain
ng ones bite all the worse 90
"A steamboat passenger, missing
his handkerchief, asked an Irishulan
f he had seen it, and insinuated a
;h arce of theft. But afterward finding
MS pocket companion in his hat, he be-
gan to apologize. ooh, don't be after
making any apology; it was more
mistake, and en- both side, t.' You
took me for a thief, and, took yuss 10.
q gentleman