The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1861-02-15
TAKING THE CENSUS.

JAMES BUCHANAN.
TAKING THE CENSUS.
"Nladam, will you please inform me of the
number of Inhabitants in this house 2"
"Sir 2"
"The people in this mansion"
"WelI, there's eight in the room overhead
"How many Eight? Are they all
adults 2"
''No, they are Smiths, except two boar
ders."
''Smiths Black or white smiths, mad
am?"
"l'd have you to know don't live in house
with niggers"
81 didn't allude TO color, only meant their
calling"
80, that's 1t, is it well if you had been here
last night, you'd found out, for they were call
ing the watch as loud as they could scream"
"Madam, | merely wish 10 know how many
people you have in this house, and what they
do for living %
''Yes, yes, now understand. Well, let me
see there's the two Mullin's-that's one
"That makes two madam"
"Well, If you know best, 'spOse you count
'em yoursef'
''lt is my business 10 'quIre."
"Well, you'd better attend to 1t then and
don't bother me-"
"Im out with the census, and"
"Well, you act out of your senses, / should
think, 10 come into my house asking such ques-
tons."
E'lt Is in accordance with an act of Congress,
madam"
"WeI, you tell Mr.. Congress, that he acts
yaru foolish in eo1J;n- -, a-;rz
shaller, silly questions"
5>'The steamer Dug-out was about starting
for Salt River, and the cabin boy had Just re-
turned, after spending $25 for stores, when ttis
Boy Well, Captain, I're come on board
with the small stores.
Captain-What have you boughtq
Boy-I spent twenty-four dollars for whis
key and one for bread.
Observation-Disclosures what are you going to do
with so much bread
The following unique Valentine was receiy-
ed by lady
''sott is the doun on The butterflies wing
it is so soft and meak
soft is the voys that my tru luv does sing
But softer yet is her crimson cheek"
The following is the lady's reply:
''Sot is nature all smashed up,
As soft as smash can be;
But softer yet is the silly swain
Who wrote that verse TO me-"
G5-The following inscription is said TO have
been found on a head board at a grave in Spar
ia diggins in California
In memory
John Smith,
who met
a wIrelent death this spot
1S hundred & 40 too-He was shot
by his own pistIll.
it was not onefof the new kind
but old fashioned one
bras barrel and of such is the
Kingdom of Heaven.
G~EI say, Pete, does you know how dey
keep oysters from smelling in &c hottest of
wedder?"
81 doesn't tink does, Sam how do dey do
'em :"
"Why, dey fuss cut dar noses of, and den
dey can't smell noffin. 0, yah, yah, what an
unpenumtration tuscumerey nlggar you is"
ga quack doctor advertises to cure, among
other incurable diseases, Marcobommzzarris,
Abdelkader, HiPpopotamus, Potato Rot, Hy-
droStatics, Inflammation of the Abominable Re-
gions, Ager Fits, Shakinquaker visits, aud all
kinds of Anniversary.
[EThe Mail Bag publishes, among other
singular addresses on letters, the following:
'Postmaster, there is in Weatboro', Mass,
A chap named Samuel Rrackett,
And you'll oblige the stupid ass,
By handing him this packett.'
Hr"Billy, my boy" said short-sighted,
rather ntempSrate father 10 his son, bright
eyed little fellow of five summers, "did you
take my glasses 81 eNo, pa; but ma guesses
as how you took 'em fore you come home"
GEThe most direct method OF determining
horse power-StanG behind and tickle his hind
legs with briar.
U-The Lafayette (Ind.) Courier warns peo-
pie against taking "spurious notes on the Boone
County Bank, as they are no better than the
genuine"