The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1861-11-05
ARTEMUS WARD SEES THE PRINCE
NAPOLEON.

Notwithstanding l han't writ much for the pa
pers of late, nobody needn't fatter themselves that
the undersigned is ded. Ga the contry 81 still
hve," which words was spoken by Danyil Web
ster, who was an able man. Even old line Wings
of Boston will admit that. Webster is ded now,
howsoever, and his mantle has proby fallen Into
the hands of some dealer in I'd hand close, who
can't sell it. Leastways nobody pears to be going
round wearin it to any partlcler extent now
days
The regiment of whom l was kurnel fnerly
concluded they was better adapted Home
Guards, which accounts for your not hearin Of me
ere this, where the balls is the thickest and where
the cannon doth roar. But as American citi-
zen, | shall never cease 10 admire the mastery
advance our troops made Washington from
Bulls Run, short time ago. 1t was well dun.
| spoke to my wife bout it at the time. NJ y wife
said it was well dun.
1t having there4 bin determined to purtect Bal
dinsyille at all hazzurds; and as there was no APP
pTehensiOns ofany lmmejit danger, l thought /
would 60 OFF onto pleasure tower. Accordingly
! put on a clean billed shirt and started for Wash
ington. / went there TO see the Prints Napoleon,
and not to the place, which l will here take
occasion to Obsarye IL about as uniuterestn 10
oaty there is this side Lincoln's fuIur home, if
ever he does die, and where | reckon they II
make it so warm for him that he will 81 for his
summer close. 1t is easy enough to why a
man goes to the poor-house or the pententary
It's bccaws he cant help it. But why he should
90 and live in Washington is entirely beyond my
comprehension, and l can't say taircr nor
that.
put up to leading hotel l saw the land
lord and sed, How d ye do. Squire z"
FIFTY cents, SIR was his reply
"Sir?"
Half dollar We charge wenty-fye cents
for loohi's at the landlord and fifty cents for speak
in to him. If you want supper boy will show
you the dinin room for twenty five cents. Your
room will be in the tenth story it will cost you
dollar TO be shown up there"
GLOW much do you AK a man for breathin in
this cquinomikoI tavurnZ" sed |.
"Ten cents breth," was his reply.
Washington hotels is very reasonable in their
charges. y. b. This is sarkassum.
sent my kard to the Prints, and immejitly
ushercd before him. He received ME kindly, aud
axed me to sit down
Il have cum to Iay my respecks to you
Mister Napoleon, hoiin l see you hale and
hearty"
Il am quite WELL" he scd care you we'll,
SIR"
"Sound as a cussr' answered
He seemed to be pleased with my ways, and
We entered into conversation at onct.
How's Louis" | axed and he sed the Fm-
pcrOr was well. Eugeny WIS hkewiye well, he
scd. Then axed him Louis q good providcr'
Did he cum home arly mites; did he peroom her
bed room at unreasonable hosr with gin and tan
~? Did he 90 to the .Lc>ige" on mites when
there wasn't any Lodge? lid he often hav ex-
tenslve acquaintance among poor young widdcrs
whose husbands WAS in Cuiiiorny? to all Of which
questions the Priats perlitely replie givin me
to understand that the Emperor WAS behayin
well
II AK these questions, my royal duke ana most
noble highncss and imperials, bccaws | am aux-
io&S to know kow he stands as man | know he
is smart; be is conniu, he is long hedded, he is
depe-he is CRATE. But unless he is gooI, he'll
come down with a crash one of these days, and the
Bouyparts viii be busted up a2in Bet yer
life!
Air you preacher, sir?" he inquired sliterly
sarkasticul
mo, sir. But | believe in morality / like
wise believe in meetin houses. Show me a place
where there isn't any meetin houses, and where
preachers is never seen, aud Ill show you place
where old hats air stuffed into broken windets,
where the children air dirty and ragged, where
gates have no hinges, where the wimin air slip
shOd and where maps of the devils wild lands"
air painted upon mems shirt busums with tobacco
jooce. That's what I'll show you Let us consider
what the preachers do for US before We aboUse
EN-"
He scd he didn't mean to ahoose the clergy
Not at all, and he was happy to see that was in
terested in the Bonypart family
dts CRATE family" sed 1. But they
seooped the old man ill.,"
How, SIR
"NapoIeon the Grand. The Britishers scooped
him at Waterloo. lie wanted to do too much and
he did it They scooped him in at Waterloo, and
he subsequently died at St Heleny! There's
where the greatest military man the world ever
produced pegged out. 1t was rather hard to con