Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-07-18
aBit ana a5amur.


4 Ne,c Dance Shall I have the
pleasure of your company for the next
set? asked young gentleman of apret-
ty, but not we'll educated young woman
at ball.
What is to be the dance, sir?'
Ditto, said the young man, refer
ring to his programme.
'Oh you must excuse me then,' said
she, i cant dance ditto"
II Railroad Wagger.--Waggs went
to the depot of one Of our railroads the
other evening, and finding the best car
full, said, in loud tone:
Why, this car isn't going
OF course these words caused gen.
eral stampede, and Wages took the best
seat. The cars soon moved off. In the
midst of the Indignation, the wag was
Que STONED.
You said this car wssnTt goingr
We'll, it wasn't going then; but it is
now.
The sold laugheda little-but wages
came near getting a good thrashing.
The editor of the Texas Gazette con-
fesses himself impatient to see blood"
We wish somebody would hit him on
the nose -LouisviHe Journal
4 Fair Inference. old lady OBJ
serving a sign over a..tailoring establish
ment, bearing the inscription Fountain
of Fashion. exclaimed-'Ah! that must
be the place where the squirts come from.
A quaker having sold n nice looking
but blind horse, asked the purchaser:
Well, my friend, dost thou see any
fault in him.
No, sir?'
Neither will he ever see any in thee,'
said old Broadbrim.
a wag seeing lady at a party with
low necked dress andbare arms, express
ed his admiration by saying she outstrip-
ped the whole party.
A lazy fellow begged aims, saying he
could not find bread for his family
Nor |, replied an industrious mechan-
ic, 1 um obliged to work for it,
A man boasting to a company of la
dies that he had very luxurious head
of hair, lady present remarked that it
was doubtless owing to the meiiorness of
Tie soil.
Happy Folhs.-A child with a rattle
"A school boy on holiday--two lovers
walking by moonlight boy sucking
cider though straw.
Sir, you have broken your promise.
oh, never mind, can make another
just as good
TO lover there are bus two places in
the 7orld--one where his sweetheart is,
and the other where she isn't
Did you ever see an elephants skin, asked
teacher in an infant school in fast neigh
borhood.
4 have" shouted six year old at the foot
of the class.
Where 2 inquired old specks considcra-
bly, amused at his earnestness.
On the elephant shouted prodigy gleeful-
ly. .....,.u-. -
A SORT OF GENTIEMAN.-Mr. Child the
gentry presented himself, and inquired what
wine M. Child allowed at the second table
:Port and sherry replied Mr., Child.
i like a glass OF Madeira, SIR returned
the valet.
Why said Mr.. Child, there is the curato
of the parish who cannot afford himself u
glass of wine of any sort
'Ah,' replied the valet, Struggling his
shoulders, l always pitied that sort Of gen.
tleman.
AN USEoRTUNAPE QUEsTIoS.-A clergy
man was in the habit of dealing with a
slaughterer named Paul. He had negro
servant who generally attended to the mar
keting. One Sabbath morning, as the cler-
gyman was engaged in expounding Scripture
to his congregation, at given point he ele-
vated his arm and exclaimed with much ve-
hemence, Brethren, what says Paul? OF
course, meaning the Apostle. The negro
servant being in the church, and supposing
the question addressed to him, vociicrated at
the top of his voice, 'Massa, Paul says you
can't have any more meat until You pay up
the old score