Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-08-31
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

"A bet to be made with the South:
Glib bet.
A bard that sings of coming ILL.,
Bom6drt2.
When is beer maker bear2-
When he's a breoci,,.
OF what nation are all stocking
members? Dar-nation.
Put your money into box, if you
like, but not a dice-box
What Sambo thinks Of Bull Run.
There's victory in de feet
The worst kind of Shakers are
those who shake the dice-boz.
Money ought to be ashamed Of it.
self for remaining tight SO long.
"A ton which comprises more than
twenty hundred: Washing ton.
Why is praise like applauding tie
rebels? Because it is laud a-tory.
Wien is man most in danger of
being beaten? When he belongs to
club.
When does the sun act the part Of
Il ieweler, When it has made gold
en- set.
"A dough that h,aeaas working ov-
er to make it well-bred: Southern
braya-do.
The real victim of 4 coquctte is
the man she thinks she honors by mar
rying him.
The last question for discussion
"Can big man ache harder than q
little one %
People seldom improve when they
have no better model than themselves
to copy after.
There is better principle than
that the majority shall rule--it is that
Justice shall rule.
In the march of life, don't heed
the order of "right about when you
know you are about right.
- By placing bit Of alum in the
mouth, you can take medicine with as
much ease as though it were so much
sugar.
A matron, lately being asked why
she did not learn the French language,
replied that one tongue was sufficient
for a woman.
Whisky was unknown among the
iron soldiers of Rome, who We're the
conquerors of the world. Water was
their common drink
-Stuffie says he would like to "kcep
Q hoter' somewhere between Washing
ton and Manassas, "there is so much
hurel in that vicinity.'
A little boy in a railroad car see
ing man with an uncommon supply
Of hair on his lips, exclaimed "Oh,
mother, see that man with cat in his
mouth -
John, how I wish it was as much
the fashion to trade in wives az to
trade in horses" "Why so, Dick?''
''Td cheat somebody most shockingly
before night
An Ohio payer says Of Mr.. Val
landigham, member of Congress from
that State, that, "his seat has been
abused.n Has his seat been kicked p
Louisville Journal
Some editor who had run ashore
for an item got off the following:
Why is the heart Of lover like the
Sc a. serpent? Because it is q secreter
(sea critter) Of great sighs (size.)
There is an old maid in this couu-
ty so ugly that whenever she crosses
a bridge the water all dams up being
too frightened to pass under her. She
hires out TO overflow mead
ows.
"A Scotchman who had put up at
All inn. was asked in the morning how
he had slept. ssTroth man." he repli-
ed, s:nae very well either, but ( was
mucklc better off than the bugs, for
dell O them closed an eye the haze
night
-s:Where did you get that turkey 2"
said Col. Billy Wilson to one Of his
amiablc recruits who came into camp
the other day with fine bird.
'sStole it'' was the laconic answer.
''Ah," said the Col. triumphantly to
a bystander, ''you see my boys may
steal, but they won't lie.''
Why will the Union pass safely
through the present crisis !? Because
the Goddess of Liberty, 4,aa-( (hs)ex-so,s
Scott. will defend it. 1t shall! not be
consigned to the Ioonsbs, or fall prey
70 the Hunter the stars in her fIag
shall be preserved aud only the stripes
given to traitors.