Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1861-03-16
DnmorOus Sktttbts.
Artemus Ward on the Shakers.

The Shakers is The strangest religious sex
| ever met. I'D hearn tell of EN- and I'd
seen EN-, with their broad brimd hats and
long wastid coats; but Id never cum iutu
immej it contack with 'em, and I'd sot 'em
down as lackn intelleck, as I'd never seen
'em TO my Show-less;wsys iftbey cum they
was disguised in white peple's close, so
didn't know EN-.
But in the Spring OF l6-, got swamped
in the exterior of New York State, one dark
and stormy night, when the winds Blue pity.
usly, and | was forced to tie up with the
Shakers.
| was toilin through the msd. when in the
dim vsler OF the future obsaIvsd the CLEANS
OF taller csudle. Tleiu q hornets nest to
my hoss's tail to kinder encourage him, | soon
reached the place. ! kuockt at the door,
which it was opened untu me by u tall, slick.
faced, solum looking indivldooal, who turn'd
out to be Elder.
Mister Shaker" sed |, "you see before
you Babe in the W oods, so to speak, aud
be axes shelter of you"
"Yay," sed the Shaker, and be led the way
into the house, another Shaker bein sent TO
put my bosses aud waggin uuder klvsr.
A solum female looking somewhat like q
last years bean pole stuck into long meal
bag, cum 10 and axed me was | athuIst aud
did huDger? to which ! urbapely suserd "a
few" She went orr aud iudevered to open
q converssshun with the old man.
ELDER, spect p sed ].
"Yuy," be sed.
"llelth's good, reckon?'
"Yay"
"W hats the wages Of Elder when he
understands his biziness-or DO you devote
yonr caryicps Urninnitns 81
"Yay"
stormy night sir"
"Yay"
AT the storm containers there'll be mess
anderfoot, hay?'
"Yay."
"lt's unpleasant when there's q ness under.
foot I"
"Yay"
"lf may be so bold, kind sir, what's The
price of that pecooler kind Of weskit you wear
luciudln trimmlns Z"
"Yayw
paved mint, and then thnkin I'd be
faseshes with him aud see how that would GO
l slupt him on The shoulder, but into a harty
larf and :old him that as yGysr ne had No
livlu ekal.
lie jumpt up il Bilin water had bin squirt
ed Into his ears, groaned, rolled his eyes
lords the seAlin and sed: You're a man Of
SIM" lie then wslkt out OF the room
jest then the female 10 the meal bag stuck
her he'd into the room aud stated that refresh
ments awaited the weary traveller, aud | sed
II 1t was vlttles she ment, the weary traveller
| was agreeable, aud folloered her into the
next room.
sot down to the table and the female 10
meal bag poured out sun tea. She sed moth
log, aud for hye minits the only living thing
| 10 that room wss old wooden clock, Nhict
text in d subdood aud bashfnl manner 10 the
corner. This dethly stiffness mude me opessy
and determined to talk to the female oil
bust. SO sez /, marriage is agiu your rules
bleeve, marm Z"
"Ysy."
"Ths sexes live strictly apart, spect ?"
"Yay."
"Its kinder siugler," SEE putting on my
voice, "that so fair made as thow lever got
htched to some likely feller." n. B.-Sbt
was upwards OF 40 aud homely as STUMP
fence, but thawt I'd tickil her,
81 don't like men p she ssd, very short
"Wall. dunno" sez ], they're a rathsl
important part of the populashun. DON
scarcely see how We could get along without
'em."
"Us poor wimin folks would git along {
crate deal better ifthere wsS no men !"
| You'll excoos me, marin, but ! DON
think that air would work. IL wouldn't b'
regler."
"lm afraid OF men !" she sed.
"Tbst's unnecessary, marin, You amt il
no danger. pOp'l fret yourself on that pint