The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1861-04-18
EeanspE0oa so Es0eslicks.

letters from my friend Damphool, who is
busily engaged in defending Charleston,
can scarcely fail to be desirous Of knowing
how the valiant Charlestonians get along
in their noble work since the coming in
of the rail-splitter My belief in such
interests in the affairs of the Southern
Confederacy is my excuse for presenting
the subjoined letter from my illustrious
friend:
'tDOESTICKS, Z. B.
''CHARLEsToN, Feb. %, 1861.
"MR. DoEsTIcKs-Dear S1i:-To-day
is the anniversary of the borning into this
blessed world of an old gentleman named
Washington. I think he fourished before
your time. We haven't the slightest re-
gard for him down here, SO I don't know
very much about him. He was unpleas-
antly recalled to our recollection this
morning by salute OF lot-of guns from
Fort Sumter. \ our friend Anderson, who
has charge of that place, was, [ Judge, q
personal acquaintance Of DIR. Washington,
by the way he loaded his guns and made
them talk those guns couldn't have Spo-
ken louder if Washington had owed An
dersou some dollars, and every gun had
been dun.
1--WE Charlestonians were very mad after
we found out what it was ali about; but
then, what's the use Of getting mad at such
an idiot as Anderson. OF course the man
has got no brains, or else he woul1 long
ago have given up his fort, surrounded as
it is by five or six thousand men, and
commanded as it is by iunumerable batter
les, mounting myriads of guns. However,
as soon us our wrath had subsided slightly
we began work on cur great raft with re-
newed vigor. We are firmly resolved, IL
Anderson fires salute from Fort Sumter
on the next birthday Of Washington, we
will De ready to make some brass remarks
from lot Of cannon that we hope by that
time to have ready for conversation In
easy words of one syllable. Meantime, /
should recommend Anderson to beware.
"0f course you've heard of our big raft,
but | don't believe you've even got an idea
of how it's going TO do its work As Fort
Sumter will be taken, and the garrison
slaughtered long before this gets to you,
there can be no harm in telling you how
were going to operate.
"The Grand Floating Battery, or Raft,
is mile and three-quarters long, by three
quarters Of a mile wide. These tremen-
dous dimensions were necessary in order
to accommodate all the captains and majors
and things who wanted to go on her. There
have 4000 generals, 1890 colonels, 2793
majors, u captains, 16 lieuteDants, ID
sergeants, corporals and our ! private
already volunteered. All the officers be-
low the grade of major are mulattoes, and
the private is late dry-goods merchant
from your city.
'sThe Battery is to mount 2l07 colum-
biads, and about million of smaller can
non The plan Of attack is as follows: !:
When all is ready, the governor is going
to send flag OF truce to Anderson, asking
permission to tow the Battery up to within
gunshot Of Sumter, without gunpowGer
Interruption The use OF Andcrson's
boats, and competent crew for each, will
also be solicited. Anderson, being gen
tlanan, will probably send the boats and
the men. In that case, the boats are to
conhscated, aud the men to be held as
hostages.
GAS soon as the raft gets near enough
to Sumter to do her firing effectively, a
gallows viii be erected on the side toward
Anderson; a colonel--a white one-is then
to stand on platform and hail Anderson
with a speaking trumpet, daring him to
come on board the raft and knock chip
off his (the colonel's) shoulder. Four
men have already volunteered for this des-
perate service, but they were all drunk
when they did it, and deserted as soon as
they got sober.
"When Anderson comes on board to
knock the chip, he is to be seized and
hung with military honors. Then the
other officers Of Fort Sumter viii be delied,
one at time, by name, to come and knock
the chip; as they come, they viii at once
be hanged When they are all hanged,
we shall so back to the city, and bury the
bodies, and then frame the chip in gold
frame.
s.Should Anderson and his men not ac-
cept the invitation to come and knock the
chip, they will be set down in eur books
as no gentlemen, and as being unworthy
the further attention of gentlemen; and,
of course, we shall leave them alone Then
the coloncls and majors and things will
hold a series Of conyivial dinners, when
they viii make speeches TO each other, and
congratulate each other on each others
bravery; then the columbiads and the
other guns viii be fired several times IN
;oror of tho tgreat victory