Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1861-12-25

r@-" Don't you mean TO marry, my
dear sir ?" "No, my dear widow, I'd ra'
ther ,ose all the ribs I've got than take
another"
Day- An Eastern editor is delighted at
having been nearly called "honey" by the
gal ne loves, because she saluted him at
the las. meeting rs "Old Beeswax."
Bas' Col. Mulligan, the hero of Lcxing'
ton, has not very high opinion of Home
Guards, He thinks them, like the Wide
Awakes, "mrncible in peace and invisible in
war"
rsa-A moral debating society out West
is engaged in discussion on the follow
ing question: "If a husband deserts his
wife, which is the most abandoned the
man or the woman?"
Bey-"O, Charley" said little fellow to
another, "we're going to have a cupola Oh
our housew
Pooh, that's moth :ng," rejoinsd the
other, "pa's going to get a mortgage on
ours" "
BsA-A country girl, coming from the
field was told by her cousin that she look.
ed fresh as a daisy kissed with dew
: Well, it WASH any feller by that name
that kisselme. ! told him that every one
in town would find it out"
Ba~"Here's your fine extras!" bawled a
little white haired fellow, the 9th er day,
as he ran down Main street with his hand
full of slips that he had for sale. "lIeres
your fine extras-great battle at MolasSes
Junction, Bulls Gun is taken, and the
Publican troops have returned to Har.
fax"
Bas~ Many papers give the dying words
of great men, but none of them are so
touching and beautiful as the last words
Of the old schoolmaster:
at is growing Gark-school may be dis
missed"
Down to the gates of an unseen world
he carried the love and regard of the chill
den whom he had trained. 1t was his
last kind dismissal in this world of school.
ing.
pAp Think about yourself, and " hat you
like, what respect people ought to pay to
you, what people think of you, and then
to you nothing will be pure. You will
spoil everything you touch, you will make
sin and misery for yourself, out OF every
thing which God sends you, you will be as
wretched as you choose on earth, or in
heaven either.
FAcTsroR THE PEorLE.-The Republi.
cans in Congress voted down or refused to
accept the Crittenden Compromise the
border State Compromise; Mr.. Douglas
Compromise Bgler's proposition to sub.
NIT the Crittenden Compromise to a vote
of the people, and Adams Compromise.
Let no man forget tn ESQ facts
ns4DAn old sort of genius, having
stepped into mill was looking with APP
parent astonishment at the movements Of
the machine when tho miller, thinking 10
quiz him, asked If ne had heard the
news.
"Not's know on, what is it?"
Why, replied tbs miller, they say the
devil is dead"
by jius," says Jonathan, sis he ? Who
tends mill then ?"
R9~Some of the officers OF the First
Virginia at Romney, Va, ale boarding
with the wife of an editor who published
4 paper there but who left with the rest
Of the Secesh. The lady told the officers
hat everything about the house was Sc
,esh, from the tom cat up, and if they
boarded with her, there must be no abo.
ilion talk. The officers willingly accept
ID the conditions, and were getting along
inely.
MODERN DEFINITIONS. -Oversight--To
cave your old umbrella in a news room
md carry away new one.
Unfortunate Man-One born with a !
conscience.
Progress Of Time-A pedar going thro'
he land with wooden clocks.
Rigid Justice-A juror on murder
ase fast asleep.
Independence-Ow.ng fifty thousand
ollars which you never intend to pay.
Honesty-Almo,t obsolete term for
lerly used in the case of man who paid
or his paper.
Credit-A wise provision sy which COM
aSles and sheriffs get living.
Love An ingredient used in romance
nd poetry.
Religion Damning your neighbor for
OF thinking exactly as you do.
A WOODEN MOTHER. We have heard
wooden nutmegs, wooden hams, horn
an .hnts, wooden oats and wooden clocks, 9