The Smoky Hill and Republican union. [volume] (Junction City, Kan.) 1861-1864, 1861-11-28


Was crazy?
was 10 fair way to become so, when
the boys began to call to collect the bills.
The rascally tradesmen knew my dinner
hour, and sent their menials to catch me on
the minute.
"Marster warnts to know eff yer kin
settle this ERE little account terday?' was
the formula which greeted me from some
dozen dirty youths.
"Tell your master to mind his business,
was my reply-as l now see it, an illogical
one.
"Does YOUR master think am going to
fail ~ | asked the most intelligent of those
youths.
ooh, no, sir; not going to fail" replied
the boy; "but then, sir, battle is danger
Gus, and nobody knows when anybody
enlists, whether everybody will be killed,
or whether somebody will come back. And
continued he, alphabetically, "master likes
to keep these things square, you know. 1t
prevents confusion"
John johnson had been again mistaken for
me. 1t did not soothe me at all. I'm
afraid l used very rash and hasty words
concerning that gentleman and his regi-
ment.
l had to write a series of notes to all
these persons, explaining that l would pay
them, as usual, at Christmas, as l hadn't
the widest intention of going to the wars.
They were all satisfied except cross-eyed
person, who had furnished me with some
dozens of bottled ale. He thought l was
trying to slip him, and has sent boy twice
day, quite regularly down to this present
writing. He may continue to do so.
Miss Eliza Sprowls was obdurate. /
consumed three days in writing her a letter
of explanation. She returned it unopened !;
and my heart is still like lonely ring
dove, whose mate has persisted by the
destroying hand of an insatiate fowler.
Only the other day lawyer completed
my cup Of woe. He came to my partner to
learn if l had left will.
"He hasn't left any will with me" said
my partner.
where would he be likely to have left
one ?" asked the legal man.
"WelI, 1 should say at his hotel among
other private papers"
The lawyer took my address, and calling
found me at home. lie INTRO uced him
self, and said:
"Have you charge Of Mr.. Johnson's
effects?'
81 have"
"You are"
Mr.. Johnson"
All! relative?"
"Ofwhom
"The deceased"
"Relative of a good many deceased per-
sons, believe, SIR
"The deceased John Johnson 1 mean"
~ am John johnson"
tleman of that name who came from Eng
land in childhood"
81 came from England in childhood, sir !"
"Who began life as an office boy in a
bonded warehouse"
81 began it in that way, sir"
But afterwards went into the drysalting
business in Water street"
CT am in that business, in that street,
SIR"
"Who raised regiment of Zouaves, and
persisted nobly at the battle Of Bull Run,
in defence of his adopted land"
"Stcp, sir. Do 1 look like Zouave :?
You mean me, sir, evidently, in all your
items of description but the last. On your
conscience, now, Ga strange expression to
employ towards lawyer , do [ look like
Zouave z"
He acknowledged that l did not. My
relatives in England had learned that John
johnson was killed at Bull Run, and on
inquiry had been informed that l was the
man. 1t was known that I was doing well
and had accumulated something comfort
able" So over they sent, with an indecent
haste, to see what they could get hold of.
| never saw such man as that lawyer.
He expressed regret in every line of his
countenance at my condition of health and
vitality. His language even implied that
be was sorry that l had not fought, bled,
and died on the CORY field. I got angry.
l took the lawyer by the nose. 1t was
prominent 1 led him rather gently to the
head of the stairs. passed him more vio-
lently in front of me, elevated my right
boot to the level of his coat-skirts, and
kicked him twice with the utmost vigor.
He went down stairs scientifically, and
fractured his nose On the step.
The result was, an action for assault and
battery. I was fined, and had to pay costs.
NY adversary knew the wrinkles Of the Law,
and made my unfortunate name cost me
Just eighty-three dollars and thirty-eight
cents.
Va 49,. :, et;ll Tohn Iobncou