Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1861-01-11
Gtobt Reading.


From Vanity Fair
I hiv no politics, Nary one I'm not
in the business. III was I spose I should
versifrusly holler in the streets at mite,
and go home to Betsy Jane smelIin of cole
lie and gin in the mornin. should 60 to
the Poles arly [ should stay thar all day.
I should see to it that my nabers was thar
l should git carryges to take the kripples.
the infrm, and the indignant thar.
should be on guard agin frauds and sich,
| should be on the look out for the infa-
nous lies of the enemy, 60 up jes be4 cleo
shun for perticlar effeck. When all was
over, and nay kandydate was elected,
should move heving & arth-until I got
orifce, which if didn't git orifce | should
turn around and abooze the Administration
with all my mite and maine But I'm not
in the bisniss. I'm in far more respectful
bisniss nor what pollertics is. I wouldn't
Civ two cents to be a Congresser The
wuss insult ever received was when GER
tin citizens of Baldinsville axed me to run
for the Legislator. Sez I, ''My friends,
dostest think I'd stoop to that there ?'-
| They turned as white as sheet | spoke
in my most orfullest tones, and they knowd
I wasn't to be trifed with, They slunked
out of site at wonct
There4, havin to politics, / made bold
to visit Old Abe at bis humstid in Spring
field. I found the old feller in his parler,
surrounded by perfect swarm of orifce
seekers. KNOWN he had been captin of
fiat boat on the rOarin Mississippi, |
thought I'd address him in a sailor lingo,
SO says l. "Old Abe, ahoy! Let out your
mainsuls, reef home the forecastle, &
| threw your jib poop overheard. SILVER
my timbers my hearty IN. B. This is
ginuine mariner langwidge. know, be-
cause I've seen sailor plays acted out by
them New York theater fellers Old
Abe looked up quite cross & sez, ''Send in
yer petition by & by. I can't possibly
look at it now Indeed I can't. It's i'm
possible, sir -
"Mr. Linkin, who do you spect air p
sed I.
ga orifce seeker, to be sure. sed he.
'sWall, sir" sed l. ''you's never more
mistakin in your life You hain't got no
orifce I'd take under no circumstances
I'm A Ward. Wax fggers is my perfes-
shun. I'm the father of Twins, and they
look ike me - both Of them. I cum to
pay friendly visit to the President eleck
of the United States. If so be you wants
to 500 me say so-if not, say SO, & I'm orr
like a jug handle"
''NIr. Ward, sit down. I'm glad to see
you, sir
'Repose in Abraham's Buzzum ~ said
one of the orifce seekers, his idee bein to
git OFF goak at my expence.
s'Wall.'' sez I, ''ef all you fellers repose
in that there Buzzum there'H be nifty poor
nussin for sum of you" whereupon Old
Abe buttoned his Beskit clear up and
blusht like maiding of sweet 16. Jest at
this pint Of the conversashun another
swarm of orifce seekers arove and cum
pilin inter the parlor. Some wanted post
orfces, sum wanted coIlectorships, sum
wanted furrin missions, and all wanted
sumthin.
I thought Old Abe would 90 crazy. He
hadn't more than time to shake hands with
EN- before another tremenjis crowd cum
porein onto his premisis. His house and
dooryard was now perfeckly full of offs
seekers, all clameruss for an immeiit inter
vuw with Old Abe. One man from Ohio.
who had about inches of corn whisky in
to him, mistook me for Old Abe, & ad-
dressed me as 1.-The Prahayrie Flower of
the West!" Thinks you want an offs
putty bad. Another man with gold head
ed cane and red nose, told Old Abe he
was ''seckind Washington & the pride Of
the Boundless West -
Sez I, Squire. you wouldn't take a
small post offs if you could git 1t. would
you?"
Sez he, "a patrit is abuv them things,
sir !"
There's putty big crop w patrits this
sezen, amt there, Squire p sez I, when
another crowd of offs seekers pored in
| The house. dooryard, barn and wudshed
was now full, and when another crowd cum
I told EN- not to 60 away for want of room,
as the hog pen was still empty One pa
trit from a small town in Mishygan went
up on top the house, got into the ehimbly