Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1861-06-13
THE HERALD.



nothin in comparison to my trubles. |
came pesky near swearin sum profane
.oaths moren onct, but hope | didn't do
it, for I've pronist she whose name shall
be nameless Except that the initials isBetsy
J.) that III jine the Meetin House at Beld
insyille, Jest IS soon as can scrape money /
enuff together SO I can ford TO be piuss in I
good ste, like my welthy nabers. But If
I'm confsticated agin, I'm fraid shall
coniinnerin IN my present benited state
for sum time.
figgered conspicyusly in many thrllin
scenes and on seyfiI oscasuns l thought
"the CRATE komic paper" wouldn't never be
inriched no more with nv Implications
AFTER hidden a.oo to Jefferson d. | started
for the depo. sew a nigger sittin on
fence a-playin on a banjo. "My Afiibin
Brother" SEQ /, cotin from a Track onct
read, ''you belong to a very interistin race,
Your masters is goin to war exclusively
on your account
Eyes, boss he replied, "an I wish en-
honorable graves = and he went on playin
the banjo, larfn all over and openin his
mouth vide enouff to drive in an old fash
Toned wheeled chase
The train Of cars in which I was to trust
my wallerable life was the scaliest, ncktiest
lookin lot Of consarns that ever saw on
wheels az. "What time does this string
of second hand collins IeaveY n I inquired
Of the depo master. lie sed direckly, and
went in q 5ot down. / hadn't moYe'n
fairly squatted aforc dark lookin man
with swinister expreshun onto his counte-
nunce entered the ears, and loolsin very
shart at me, be asked what was my prin-
ciples.
"Seeesh" I anacrd. Elm a Dissoluter.
I'm il fager Of jeff Davis, Bouregard,
Pickeas, Cart Kid Bloorgard, Munro Ed
ards, the Devil, Mrs. Cunningham, and all
the rest Of en-.
you're in fever Of the warp
."Certingly. BY all means. I'm in
favor Of this war and also Of the next war.
I've bin in favor OF the nexs war for over
sixteen years.
"War to the kniyaw scd the man.
"Biud, Fargo, blud~ sed /, lilo them
words isn't oFigernal with me. Them
words was rit by Shakespeare, who is ded
His Mantle fell onto the author Of The
Seven Sisters, WHO'S goin to hav spring
leyercoat made out of it.
We got under way at larst an proceeded
on our jerney at about the rate Of speed
which is ginraly obsaryel by properly con
Quoted funeral professions. A hansum
yung gal, with red mqsketer bar on the
back pat Of her he'd, and sassy little black
hat tipt over her forrerd, sot 10 the seat
with me. She wore a little sesesh flag pind
onto her hat, ana She WAS goiu to see her
troo love, who had jined The Suthern army,
and SO bcld and SO gay. So She told me.
She was chilly, and offered her my blan-
ket,
"Father living I axcd.
Eyes, sir"
"Got any unc,es?n
"a heap. Uncle Thomas IS ded tho
''Peaee to Uncle Thomas ashes, and !
success to him: viii be your Uncle
Thomas! Lean on me,my pretty Sesesher,
and linger in Blissful repose" She clept
as secoorely as in her own housen, and |
didn't disturb the sollum stiffness Of the |
night with 'agy snore.
At the first stashun troop Of Soicrs
entered the cars and enquircd if"0ld Wax
Works was on board. That vas the dis
respeetiy stle in which they referred to me-
f'Becawz il Old Wax Works is on bored"
SEE man with face like double I,lestod
lobster, I'VE are going to hang Old Wax
Works.
rMy iIlustrious and patriotic Bulnmers I"
SEE |, gittin up and takin OFF my shap-
poo, "if you aIlude to A. Ward, it's my
pleasin doosy to inform you that he's ded.
lie saw the error of his ways 1T I5minutes
past 2 yesterday, and stabbed hisself With
a stuffed sleastake, dyin in five beautiful
tabloos to slow music His last words was
my perfeshnal career is over! | jerk no
morei'
"And who are your
sim stoodent in Senator Beniamins
law ofiss. I'm goin up North to steal
sum spoons and thing for the Suthern ar
N.Y."
This was satisfactory and the intoxicated
troopers went OF At the next station the
pretty little Sesesher awoke and sed she
must git ont there. I bid her kind adoo
anu gH hef sum peFNlsi0nS. accept my
blessin and this hunk 81 gingerbread" |
sed. She thankt me muchy and tript galy
away. There's considerable human mater
in man, and I'm fral | shall alters CIV
aid and comfort to the enemy II he Gums
to me in the shape Of a ~ice, purity young
gal.
At the next stashun I didn't Get OFF SO
easy. | was dragged outof tbs. eeers and /
rolled il the mud for several minlts for the
purpuss Of "takin the conscet out of me,
as a Seeesher kindly stated
! was let up finally, when a powerful
lasoe secesher came up and embraced me,
and to show that BE had no hard feclms
agin me. put his nose into my mouth. |
ysturned the compliment by placing my
stummiek suddenly agin his right foot,
when he kindly made 2 spittoon 81 disable
bodied face. Aciooaed by desire to see
whether the secesher had been vaxinated,
Il then fastened my teeth onto his left coat I