Litchfield enquirer., 1861-08-01

1 HI tdlS HauuGO-nanQ cOnnlCG Cno blacK dOrS Troop were handled in their own professed wa of fighting. The sequel showed the Zouaves t, be the most expert handlers of the knife.
 When the fight was over there were not twent of the four hundred cavalry left alive. Me and horses has been cut to pieces by the infuria ted red shirts.-This troop of cavalry had boas ted they would picket their horses in the ground of the White House.
 OUR FAT CONTRIBUTOR. The moment the Flag was threatened larg, bodies of men were called upon to rally in it defence. Being large-bodied man, I rallied and enrolled myself with the Home Guards The drill is very severe on me this hot weather although am constantly allowed an attendan | with fan and pitcher of ice water. l am constantly reminded that one of the frs requirements of soldier is to throw out hi chest and draw in his stomach. Having beer burned out several times while occupying room in the attie, T have had considerable practice il as''o,ri'g out mey chest, but by what system o practice could 1 ever hope to draw in m. stomach? can't dress up"-it's no use try ing. If my vest buttons are in line am far in the rear, and if I toe the mark a fearful bugle indicates my position. There is no room fol argument in regard to my sentiments every body can see at glance just ,che''e sta'sd One evening we had a new drill sergeant who was near-sghted. Running his eye down the line, he exclaimed sharply :" What is that man doing in the ranks with bass drum?" He pointed at me, but I hadn't any drum--it was the surplus stomach that couldn't draw in.
 am the butt of numberless jokes, as you may well suppose. They have got story in the Guards that when l first heard the command ' Order arms," l dropped my musket, and taking out my notebook began to draw an order on the Governor for what arms 1 wanted. They say ordered Winan's steam-gun, with pair o1 Dahlgren howitzers for side arms Base fabri- cators. My ambition never extended beyond a rifed cannon. and they knew it.
 Although in respect to size l belong to the |" heavies," my preference is for the light infan- try service. My knapsack is marked light infan try. One evening the spectators seemed con- vulsed about something, and my comrades litter ed by platoons whenever my back was turned It was all mystery to me until laid off my knapsack. Some wretch had erased two final letters, and l had been parading all the evening labeled LIGHT INFANT ]" The above is one of the thousand annoyances to which I am subject ed, and nothing but my consuming patriotism could ever induce me to submit to it. rallied at the call of my country, and am not to be put out by the roHying of my comrades.
 l overheard spectator inquire of the drlll-ser geant one day, Do,you drill the whole of hin at once ??
 "No," he returned in an awful whisper, " drilled him by squads"
 I would have drilled him if had had bayo net.
 Specifications have been published in regard to my uniform, and contractors advertised for The making will be let out to the lowest respon sible bidder. In case the Guards are ordered to take the field, special commssary will be detailed to supply my rations. That reminds of narrowing incident On last drill night ar old farmer, who dropped in to see us drill took me aside, and said he wanted to sell me yoke of powerful oxen.
 My ancient agriculturist," said I, smiling at his simplicity, "l have no use for oxen'
 Perhaps not at present" quoth he, "but if you go to war you will want them.'
 "For what?" said l. considerably annoyed.
 "Want 'ena to dr0,u your rotions!'
 The Guards paid me delicate compliment at the last meeting. They elected me "Chid of the Regiment" with the rank of first Corpu- lant and the pay of chief Blower" was about to return thanks in a neat and appropriate speech, when a reporter who was present assur- ed me it was no use-he had got the whole thing in type, speech and all, and could read it in the evening paper. He said they kept "neat and appropriate speech" standing in type con. tinually. I got his views and held my peace.
 Yours for the Union, including
 the Stars, also the Stripes.
 FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
 A PET LAMB AsroN1sHEs THE SEcEssIoNIsrs The Richmond papers tell of a Fire Iouave who was caught and taken to Fairfax. When carried defore Beauregard he manifested his contempt for that chieltain by putting his thumb to his nose and gyrating with his fingers. Being ordered under confinement, he turned abou, suddenly, kicked Colonel who stood near in the stomach 60 hard that he sat down, knocked the corporal who had him in charge head over heels, and invited Beauregard to "come out and get damned" declaring that Eff he didn't have a muss he'd sple." Finding none ofthe look ers-on started to meet him, he took to his heels down lane. Several shots were fired at him without effect. At each successive discharge he would turn to make grimaces at his pursuers or jump high in air and yell as if struck. Sud denly Lieutenant with drawn sword sprane before him from an adjacent building. S-a-a-y what are yer about, a pintin' that thing at me ? exclaimed the Zouave. Don't yer know yel might cut my bran new weskit." Being march 1 ed of to jail and in put in a solitary cell, h' signalized his first evenings lodgment there by setting it on fire. The rebels seem to admir-, the cool audacity of the chap, and Beauregart laughed heartily at his pranks.
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 THE 'INvAs1oN' NONSENSE REBuKED. Missouri Statesman, published in Boone County Mo- rebukes the talk about the invasion" o the states, in which some northern traitors in dulge, in good sound style. Seymour of Conn ecticut ought to read this paragraph over till h. can repeat it verbatim, and by that time he will comprehend the folly of his late treasonabl speech in the Connecticut legislature.
 "Pray, where does the federal army belong if not to the states? Where can it raise it ensign and legally pitch its tents if not in tn states? fout of the states it would be in foreign country, and what right has it there As a general principle of law there is no othe