Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-06-08
ARTEMUS WARDIN THE SOUTH.
ERN CONFEDERACY.
THE SHOW Is CoNFEDERACY.

You hav perhaps wondered wharebouts
/ was for these many dase gone aud past.
Perchans you sposed I'd gone to the Toomb
of the Csppylets, tho | don't know what
those is. It's popler noospaper trase.
Listen to my tail, and be silent that ye
may here. I've been among the Sescshers,
earnin my daily peck by my li2iimt per-
feshun, and havnt had no time to weeld
my tacils quill for g. the Crate Komick
paper if you'll allow me to ko.e from
your lroothtul advertisement.
My success was skaly, and likewise
had a narrer scape for my lille. If what
I've bin threw is "Suthern hospitality
bout which we've hearn so much, then |
bound to obsarye that they made two much
of me. They was altogether too lavish
with their attenshuns.
went amung the SesesheTs with no
feehns of annermosity went il my per
fesernal capacity. / was ecoosted by one
of the most lottiest desires that can swell
the human BoozGm, viz to Civ to the
people their moneys worth, by, shown
them Sagashus Beests, and Wax Statoots
which ,enter to say air onsurpast by any
other slatoots anywheres will not call
that man who sez my statoots is humbug
lier and boss thief, but bring him BEL
me aud I'll wither him with one of my
skornful irowns.
But to proseed with my tail. In my
travis thraw the Sonny South heard
heap of talk about Seseshun. and Dustin
up the Union. but didn't think i, mounted
to nothn The politicians in all the vii.
L. hot nlJ 4 h., I
called the Prahayre tlower) shouldn't new
er be noggerated, They also made fools
of themselves in various ways, but US they
was used 10 that didnt let it worry me
much, and the Stars and Stripes contin.
cred for to wave over my little tent. Moor
over. | was a Son Of Matv and Il member
of several other Temperance Societies,
and my wife she was Dawter Of Muitv,
an | sposed these fax would secoor me the
inhoonz and perfection Of all the fust tau
erles. Alas | was disputed State az
ter State seseshes and it groed hotter and
hotter for the undersigned. Things cum
to a climbmacks ia a small town in Ala
bamy, where | was prema,orIy ordered to
haul down the Stars & Strips. 1 deppy-
tashuns of red faced men cum up 10 The
dore of my tent were l was standin takin
money (the afternoon exhibishun had
commenst, an my Italyun organist was
jerkin his sole stirrin chimes. I'VE are
cum; SIR said a milIntary man in cockt
hat, "upon hi and holey mishun. The
Suthern Eagle is screanin thrcwout this
sonny land-proudy and deaantly scream,
in, sir =.
"Whats the matter with him." scz l
l.. -, |
THAT Eagle, sir, will continner to
scream all over this Brte and tremenjus
land y
"Wall, let him scream. If your Eagle
can amuse hisself by screamin, let him
went" The men annoyed me, tor | was
Bzzy maxim change.
I'VE are cum, sir, upon matter Of
dooty -
"You're right, Capting. lt'severy mans
dooty to visit my tent" sed |.
"We air cum -.
"And that's the reason you are here !"
sez !, larfn one OF my silvery larfs. l
thawt if be wanted to COAX I'd give him
sum of my sparkln epPygrams.
"Sir, you re inserieut. The plain ques.
ton is, will you haul down the Star Span
gled Banner, and hist the Southera flag =
"Nary hist! Those was the reply.
Your wax works and beests is then
contiscated, and you air arrested As Spy"
Sez /, My fragrant roses Of Southern
cline and BIoomin daf'odls, what's the
prise of whiskey in this town, and how
many cubic feet of that sedaliye fluid can
you individually hold p
They made no reply to that, but sed my
wax fggers was conhscated. axed them
if that was gineraly the style among
thieves in that country, to which they
made no reply. but sed was arrested as
Spy ard must 90 TO Montgomery in iruns.
They was by this time jined by large
crowd of other Suthern patrIts, who COM
menst hollerin Hang the bald-headed
aberlishunist and bust uo his immortal
exhibition!' was cersed and tied to
stump, and the crowd went for my tent
that waterproof pavilion wherein instrac
ton and amusement had been so muchly
com bined, at ID cents per head-and tor
il all to pieces. Meanwhile dirty faced
boys was THROWN stuus and empty beer
Bottles at my massiv brow, and takin other
improper liberties with my person Re-
sistance was useless, for a variety Of rea>
sons, as readily observed.
The Seseshers confscated my statoo's
by smashin them to attums They then
went and bust in my cages, letting all the
animies loos, small bat healthy tiger
among the rest. This tiger has an eccen-
trio way of tearing dogs to peaccs, and
aller spose from his ginerel conduck that
he'd have no hesilashun 10 servin human
being in the same way if he get at them
Excuse me if was crooil. but arfed
boyserrusIy when saw the tiger spring in
amung the people. Go it, my sweet
cuss = inardly exclaimed, :" | forgiv you
for b,in off my left thum with all my
heart! Rip 'em up like bully tiger whose
Lare has bin invaded by Seseshers +
! cant say for certain tha: the tiger
serisly injured any of them, but as he was
seen few days after sum miles distant,
with large and we'll selected assortment