The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-03-27
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

/ N'hos
: Why don't you strike one of your
size said the tenpenny nail to the ham
mer
- The man who fell into rapturcs with
pretty girl, was got out with consider.
able difficulty.
= Important to young farmers--ef
fectual destruction of weeds--marryine
young widow.
= Did you ever know woman that
would not think you intelligent if you
said her children were pretty!
awe must reconcile ourselves to oui
enemies when we are dying" remarked
an old topper, as he called for a glass oI
water.
: Bryant says that the groves were
Gods first temples. A good many ro-
mantle young lovers unquestionably find
them delightful meeting-houses.
"Among all my boys" said an old
man, 81 never had but one who took af-
ter me, and that was my son Aaron, who
took after me with club"
- A bankrupt merchant on being con-
doled with for his embarrassment, replied
"Oh! / am not at all embarrassed, il is
my creditors that are embarrassed"
=" | say, Mike, what sort of potatoes
are those you are paintings"
"Raw ones, TO be sure; your honor
wouldn't be thinking l would plant boil
ed ones?"
- Two fellows fought duel in Court
land, Ala, few weeks ago, and shot
each other through the head. Verdict CT
the jury-died because they were darned
fools.
-" "Boy," said an ill-natured old fel-
low, "what are you hollering for when l
go byw "Hump, what are you going
by for when am hollering?" returned
the boy.
= Some genius has announced il rs
his belief that there will be such facilities
for travelling "bime-by," that you can 90
any where for nothing and come back
again for half price.
- In Louisville, few nights ago, nm
escaped convict was found hidden in n
hogshead of peas, and remandcd to Jail.
He thought it hard that he couldn't be
allowed to rest in peas.
= A genius at the South End has
had his sleeping chamber painted with
iceberg scenes. The water in the pitcher
froze the first night, and he was obliged
to kindle fire the second. Nothing like
cooling scenes.
&c of my existence, give me an IN
-" said printer to his sweetheart.
She Immediately mado = at him, and
plunged her Ex5- between his rs. "Such
an outrage" said Faust, looking II at
her. is without :"
- An Irishman one dav found light
guinea which he was obliged to sell for
eighteen shillings. Next day he saw an
other guinea lying in the street. "No,
no." said he, "I'll have nothing to do
with you, l lost three shillings by your
brother yesterday"
= Two Irishmen were in prison-one
for stealing watch, and the other for
stealing COW.
mike" said the cow-stealer, /" what
o'clock is it?"
"Och, Pat, / haven't my watch han
dy, but | think it's about milkin' time"
-" Caesar, dis chile's gwine to Wash
ington to ply for offs oh de government"
"Well, what are you tryiu' to get now,
ehG"
"Iso gwinc to ply for de post Oh SEX
ton in de post-olfis apartment"
"Sexton OBJ post-offis apartmentw
eyes, sab i! | berry de dead letters"
-" "Why, George, what are you hoe
ing in the garden for at this time of
nightw
"Well, | was awful dry, mother, and
don't The Bible say, Ho every one that
2"
The old lady drew her head in, closed
the window and collapsed.
= A passenger train on an American
Railroad, few days since, ran over an
fellow on the track. He was
so nsensible to the magnitude of the mis-
fortune ms to remark to the guard, while
he looked at his Iacerated limbs" this
is too bad, | didn't mean to hinder the
train."
: @Do you call them large turnips"
"Why, yes, they are considerable
large"
Thoy may be for turnips, but they
are nothing 10 an onion saw the other
day."
"How large was the onion!"
40, a monster, it weighed 40 lbs"
" Forty pounds!"
Yes; we took off the layers, and the
sixteenth layer went round demDohn
that held four gallons"
"What whopperl"
II n Ill