Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1861-11-14
sound on the Goose.

sound on the Goose.
On a bright day, shortly after the
Fourth Of July, when the American troops
were making warlike preparations for Il
fight with the rebels, there might have
been seen, in tent not far from Harper :
Ferry, number of officers sitting around
rudely constructed table, upon which
were two geese, several chickens, port.
folio, and paper, pen and ink.
Beyond the lines that formed the off
cial circle stood n soldier, without cap,
cartridgebox, belt or side-arms.
The Judge Advocate took his seat, and
and thus formed, what the reader may
readily suppose, court martial.
The disarmcd soldier was charged with
killing and capturing two geese and two
chickens, and thus violating an order OF
the commanding General preventing a
forcible taking Of private property. a
comt-martial at such times, though not
wanting in dignity, is generally hurried to
conclusions.
The charge was read, the evidence was
elected; and it seemed to weigh heavily
on the prisoner. He stood with downcast
looks, when presently the Judge Advo-
cate said
"Sir, you have heard the charge, and
the evidence adduced to sustain it, 1t has
been proven by the most positive evidence
that you did, early on the morning OF the
9TH of July, boldly level your musket
loaded with round ball and buck shot, and
then did discharge said weapon, the con.
tents thereof taking effect in the vital parts
oftwo geese or ganders, and two chickens,
the property Of some person or persons
unknown. Thus you did on that special
occasion violate the order Of the comman-
ding General, which was issued to prevent
the killing, manning, chasing, or wiring
ing the necks Of any geese, chickens, ducks
goslins, pigeons, cows, sheep, goats, bulls
calves, sows, hogs, boars. roasting pigs,
or any other domcstcated animel OF
whatevar form or nature. Now, sir, what
have you to say why sentence should not
be passed upon you?"
"Sir," said the prisoner, raising his
head, and revealing the features of an ir-
rcpressible Yankee, 81 acknowledge that
all the evidence adduced is true, so far as
it goes. The motives which prompted
the act, however, are known only within
my own bnzzum, ond ] should like to
have n record of them made in mitigation
of punishment"
Jaoige AdOocate.-"SpcalS freely and
slowly. Clerk, 10 SURE to record every
word
CIerk-."Ies, sir. Proceed, prisorcr."
PrtSoner.-"May it please yer, gentle |
men, the celebration of our National
Birthday Anniversary famed the flame
of my patriotism into an eternal cona- f.
grafton. My buzznm was biIin over
with the warm elixir Of 'liic, liberty and .
the pursuit Of happiness. | felt happy
then--as much so as if was celebrating
the birthday OF our country at my gay and
happy Green Mountain home, far up in
the State of Vermont. felt, sir, that
could have eaten jeff Davis for breakfast, |
lunched on Beauregard at eleven, served
up Wig'all at three o'clock ordinary, and
made my supper on the whole army of
rebels. had SEQ ched my eyebrows,
sinSed my Whlskors, peeled the skin from
my face. burnt my fingers, and got pio,D |
Of percussion cap in my eye, on fling
thirteen round in the general celebrate
OF the everlasting, glorious Fourth b
didn't keer for all this yerc; was pa
rlotic, and early on the mornin' Of the iify ,
lett particularly sayageous, and though |,
Ia take momin, stroll in the Jews o!
the valley. ! hadn't gone alrug very far .
aiore | secs the geese and chickens comm
along. Wall, as | said afulc, felt
mighty sight of rrtriotic feeling in my
buz1um, and jist to keep my spccrits up / Z
whistIed Yankee Doodle and the listened f
TO the echoes a.comiu' back loom the y
woods, soundin for the world list like NV il
own mountain home. | thought the woods "
were all for the Union. ielt glorious. !
whlstled again and again, and so did d
the woods. Wall as said aiore, the t
geese come along, and ! increased the l
sound Of my whistle, | put my fingers {
in my mouth and did Just so, llere Il
the patriotic prisoner gave blow that '
would have done no discrcdit to n Penn. |
sylvania locomotivc) | got about half. +
way through the chune when the geese set e
up az eternal, almighty hissn', and stuck
lher long necks aud heels at me. Crotch
all hcmlock and gosh mighty, bat fired ?
upl was Oll-po,scsscd aud bilin' over y
with patriotism and glory and sez |, s
Darn ye! yen his Nuukcc Doodle, viii h
ye? Now, darn ye, take that And a
! blazed away, and lu,t two geese and
then two chickens dropped"
n smile played on The faces Of the mcm.
bcrs OF the couu-martial, and there wa, ~
a deal OF suppressed laughter. ID
But, the chickens, sir-thc chc,cn,e"
quickly responded :hc Judge Advocate, d
biting his lips, "they did not hiss" "
"Wall' no SIR, they didn't hiss; they I
seemed to bo held in reserve to cover the !
retreat OF the rebel geese, and they fell !
because they were in bad company"
The next day the soldier was on duly, I
none the worse for the court martial 49, i
What became Of the geese and chicken, II
could never accurately asccrained. u