, 1861-10-03
Doesticks In washington.

Washington city lies in an angle OF the Potomac,
and PotOmac's eastern branch. Exactly like q
spider-web in the corner Of a rail fence; the
whole plan Of the town is exactly that Of q
spider. web the Capitol building is the fat old
spider in the middle, and all the other houses
are huge flies that have got into the web and
can't get out The whole country round is dot
ted with little white tents, as thick as IL there
had been a snOwstorm that hadn't melted away
yet; or as If some one Of the huge old heathen
gods, before tossing off an ocean Of beer at one
tremendous gulp, had blown the froth all over
the surrounding country.
Nobody, in ordinary times, Ices at Washing
ton; folks only stay here, and talk; when Con-
gress goes away, everybody goes with 1t; just
as if everybody thought he was Congress.
The public buildings are taken down and put
away, and the people have to pay the storage.
When Congress is gone, there isn't any city
here; nothing but patch Of ground, covered
with empty champagne and beer bottles; and
with pieces Of paper, which are bills that didn't
pay ; and with red tape-as If the whole place
had been seeded down with these interesting ar
ticles, in the hope that they would grow up into
splendid crop.
Washington, just now, however, is fun Of
military men-sOldiers, and such gaudy animals.
As to officers, suppose there must be at least
thirty officers to every soldier. In fact, think
LnSTe are U ullllOn OulcerS ~ W HiaTub A1Otel
every day ; and understand that there are as
many as a hundred soldiers in the different
camps about; but the soldiers don't come to
Wizards much; | suppose they don't know
Willard.
You can't migrate rod without running over
few colonies, or knocking down major or 50.
This morning stepped on the toe Of lieuten. |
ant; and as turned to apologize, rammed one
Of my elbows into the stomach Of a general, and
the other into the eye Of q captain, who tum-
bIed over little knot Of observation-disclosures, who
fell in blue and gold heap, dragging down with
them some ensigns and majOr-general Of divis-
ion. Saw had done mischief, and turned to
run, when tangled my feet in the swords OF
couple Of other generals, which pitched me mead
first into the ribs Of another general, VINO also
fell down, tripping up in his fall two or three
other generals. expected to have q guard Of
generals sent after me, with park of artillery or
two, to put me in the guard-honse; quite the
contrary: they thought from the way knocked
people about, that was certainly cOmmandcr.in-
chief; so some Of the generals picked me up,
and they all touched their hats.
This touching Of the hat is great institution
but everybody does it'll do t. When first
came here saw everybody giving the military
salute to everybody else. So began to do the
military; touched my hat to everybody; my
arm kept going up and down like pump-handle;
pumped away for week, and my arm got so
lame that began to fear amputatiOn. Then
conceived the idea Of doing the military salute
with my foot; thought it would be very efFec-
tive, especially if man wore q patent leather
boot and gilt spur; practieed Il two days in
my room, and then did Il in the street to q gen.
eral; he thought meant to insult him, and he |
threatened guard-house; when he mentioned |
guard-house, | went away; don't like 10 say
rdn-but went away. and the time was good.
Then studied into the philosophy Of the mil |
itary pump-handle-salut business; concluded |
] wouldn't pump.haudle To anybody under gen. |
eral ] had hitherto been especially careful to |
pump-hande to the gentlemen with stripes on |
their arms. I thought they were mejcr-generals.
Now know the whole mystery Of II, and III
tell
There are three sizes Of generals: Brigadier.
generals, with one star on the shoulder; major |
generals, with two stars on the shoulder; and
generals Of division, with three dttos on ditto |
now pump-handle to single-barreled generals, |
ard to do0be.barreed generals, and to the high |
pressure generals with three stars; but no fellow
that hasn't at least one star on his shouder-slrap
ever gets any more pump-handle out Of me.
had heard so much talk about the rebels at |
tacking Washington, that got nervous about u, |
and for few days few to arms (put on my |
times a day. For instance, early one morning |
heard tremendous eannonading-Aew to arms
in big scare-cahnonade proved to be q runa- |
way army-wagon numbering along on the side
walk-went and saw Willard, and got my scare
off,
Heard tremendous chatter Of musketry-
few to arms-scare as before-this musketry |
proved to be ehambermaids smashing crockery |
accidentally. Saw Willard, and whipped scare
as before. Heard tremendous charge Of cavalry |
flew to arms-seare, as formerly. Cavalry |
charge was a small negro on a small rule. Saw
Willard, etc. And so, for several days, was
continually lewing to arms
Willard is very popular--Willard is q man
in fact three or four men. Willard keeps his |
three or four selves behind counter, and VII. |
lard keeps long row Of bottles behind him
Willard has great deal Of business with the
bottles, and the officers have q great deal Of
business with Willard. In fact, the more officer
a man is, the more he doesn't do anything but
have business with Willard. People have an
idea that Il q an officers business 10 fight-not
bit Of it-o6fcsrs don't fght-H'en dght-otii- |
GERS look pretty and have business with Willard.
Do you know Scare? suppose not Well
great many fellows do When Scare gets hold
Of fellow, that follow Immediately sets Whis- |
XIV to whip hm-Whislsy and Scare have con- |
slant fight, and Scare always gets the worst Of
it. When you see q fellow talking loud, and
spelling for q fight, and wishing the enemy
would attack US SO that he might have chance
to do such tremendous deeds Of valor as the
world never saw. you may set Il down as q sure
thing that Whisky and Scare have been having
another turn, and that Scare has got another
licking. As q general rule. the fellows who
don't know Scare are not much acquainted with
Whisky.
must stop now, foP I see my friend-S dou-
ble-baFreled general; must 90 down and pump.
handle to him, and then. ] presume, We shall
have little business with Willard.
COnHdentially, DoEsucEs, p B