Litchfield enquirer., 1861-12-05
For the Enquirer. SHORT SERMONS. BY A LAYMAN.-Ne. SIX.
AGAINST PERFUMES.

lected for your serious consideration at this par ticular time, when one holiday is past and oth CTS soon coming, is a cautionary one. It is de signed by your preacher to give cogency to the last Thanksgiving Discourse from the words " o Be Joyful P
 Now, let mo ask you, in all caudor and sheer ity, how can you be joyful, if you totally disre gard the admouition of the text, by persistently fretting your gizzards even upoh the suppositior that you may have nothing else that you care about fretting? Let me tell you plainly and earnestly that it's utterly impossible foryou to en joy life, if you do so. in direct contrariety to your speakers friendly warning.
 Furthermere-Let me endeavor to persuade you to obey tie injunction of the Text, from the following considerations:
 lst. Frating your gizzards can do no good.
 2d. It Never did and never can enable you to obtain theobject of your wishes.
 3d. It makes you perfectly miserable, and lean as June shad in fy-time.
 4th It renders your friends and acquaintancez very uncf fmfortable, so that they would fain shun your society.
 5thly hnd Lastly. It is murmuring against Di vine Providence.
 If tiere are any such birds of i'll omen here within the sound of my voice, who are constant
 y fceEing and repining, I sincerely pity them My alluded and fretful friends, what shall I say to yq by way of consolation? Your case is a dcsTrate one. Every day of your lives you are rebdng against your own flesh, and frittering it ava! hy the pound avoirdupois, and bye and bye unless you reform, I fear you will become meg walking skeletons. You will have the dys- peBa, the hypo, the gout, the gravel, and the chdic; all of which diseases you will bring up- onS yourselves by your own folly-and that is i by fretting your gizzards. Desperate diseases rauire desperate remedies. Think not that Dctors' pills and boluses will meet your case You may take all the cathartics, and tonics, and Slmu'ants, and soporifics, and antiseptics and Adorifics that Materia Medica can furnish, and hey will do you no good. You will only grow pVorse and worse, until you have neither gizzard hor resolution left. Listen, then to your preach fer, and he will search out and set forth for you an infallibe remedy. It is this mark we'll the words, open your mouths wide, swallow them whole, and inwardly digest them at your lcis- )ure:
 A merry heart doeth good like medi- licine.' XVII, 22.
 And the counterpart is, But a broken spirit drieth tho bones.''
 Now, my hearers, you have the great cure-all. There is no quackery about it. There can bo none. It is simply and 6ony fdy, merry heart See to it, then, that you go and get it. Don't think you can borrow it of your neigh bors. Don't for moment suppose that you Ican procure it by drinking rot-gut and bad whs- ky. You must have it pure and unadulterated within yourselves. You need not make apoth- ecares' stalls of your stomachs. All you want is little patience, little perseverance, and clear consciences and you can have as merry hearts as you could wish, and your gizzards, no longer fretful, will expand with renovated vigor, and your voices, instead of their lugubrious winnings, will sound forth with peculiar joy and melody.
 A few Reflections will close the subject.
 l. By ceasing to fret your gizzards. you will enhance your own enjoyment and that of all within the sphere of your influence.
 2: You will confer great favor on the village barber, who has had dreadful task in shaving many rueful customer, who has long been in the deplorable habit of fretting his gizzard. Oh the doletul wrinkles and long visages that he has been compelled to supply with enormous quan- titles of lather, and to pass his razor with skill over such immensely elongated and unduating sir-faces and all for the paltry consideration of New York sxpence! Who could blame hi,-, should he charge gizzard. fretters double price By the way, perceive by his sly wink in wonder desk, and the clapping of his hand upon his head, that he abundantly makes up the defcien- cy by the sale of wigs and scratches to his Smell fungus patrons. So mote it be.
 Finally, my brethren.-By ceasing to fret your gizzards: you will confer a lasting favor on your Editor and Publisher. His journal will wear new aspect, and fault-fnders be few and far between. Also, your preacher will be bene. fitted. For his commodious hat, instead of be- ing filled with bogus coins, rusty coppers and hob-nails, will smile like basket of chips, with genuine threepenny bits and postage stamps.
 The Congregation are notified, that the usual collections will not be taken up until after the holidays, when it is expected that each one will contribute his mite in proportion to the benefit which he receives from the nreachers arduous and indefatigable labors.
 The audience will please keep their seats while the Choir unite in singing the following varses suitable for the occasion: Oh why should we repine and fret At what we cannot mend :? Enough of joy is left us yet, And will be to the end. | If any hath his brooches torn, | However great the rent, I Let him not fret; it can be borne, | And to the tailors sent.
 When boys throw peanut shells around | Upon this sack-red floor, l Let not the sexton fret and pound, 1 But hope they'll throw no more.
 r A recent philosopher discovers method t avoid being dunned! "How ?--how ?-how 2 everybody asks. NeUer suaa in deJt. l At the election in Alexandria, Virginia, on tn