The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1861-04-04
From the Home Journal.
Matrimonial Infelicities.
BY AN IRRITABLE MAN.

seated opposite to me at the breaktast-ta-
BILE, and who has the good fortune to be
my wife, " if there be one thing I DISLIKE
moro than another, it is to receive q cup
of coffee that looks as if it had been
slipped from before it reached my hands.
Have l not often asked you to fill my cup
to within an eighth of an inch of the rim,
and not give it to me half or three quar-
ters full 2"
"You are as particular as an old bach
elor," the estimable lady replied, "and if
I had known it before I married you, this
day would not have seen me your wife.
There, sir, is your cup Of coffee. I hope
it will suit You"
"Good gracious." I exclaimed, as 1
took the cup, "now you've managed to
run it over. You certainly must be aware
that if there be one thing I dislike more
than another, it is to find slops in my
saucer"
"Well: if you will insist on my filling
the cup you must expect that sometimes
1 shall spill it over; besides, your finding
fault with me does no good, but makes me
nervous, and causes my hand to trcmblc,
so that I only wonder there is any coffee
left in the cup. But here is. clean sau-
Ger. in place of the one you have"
Having affected this important change,
1 tasted the contents of my cup. 1t was
evident to me that there was no sugar in
it. tasted it again to make certain of
the fact. Then l said to her:
aYou have neglected to put sugar into
my coffee. If there be one thing I dislike
more than another, it is coffee unsweet-
cned"
II am certain" replied my cstimable
spouse, Z" that I did sweetcn it. 1 don't
think you have stirred it,
aBut 1 know 1 have" 1 answered.
"Not with your spoon," said the pro-
vokipg woman, "for it is perfectly dry;
perhaps, however, you used your forl1." !"
"Pshaw." was all the answer l vouch-
safed to this remark.
"Now, declare" [ said, after having
stirred and slipped my coffee, "you have
made it too Sweet If there is one thing
L dislike moro than another, it is to have
my coffee tastc like sirup."
"Let me put more milk with it, then ?"
said the obig'ng woman.
"No, I thank you," 1 replied, a. don't
care to have my stomach turned into a
dairy. If there be one thing 1 dislike
moro than another, it is milk. I gave up
milk diet when 1 cut my first teeth"
"It is to be hoped that you will give
up the habit of fault-fnding, which you
possess in an eminent degree, when you
come to cut your wisdom teeth, though
no one can tell when that will be-"
"Thanl you," I replied; "you will
probably be the first who will know it
occurs"
"And happy day it will be for me-
she answered, with provoking calmness
..Fcw know, though, how much unhappi-
ness your constant fault-6nding causes
me. Nothing do seems to give you sat-
isfaction. There isn't a moment elapscs
while you are in the house, save when
you're asleep, but you arc thus occupied
The truth is, have always been too in
dulgcnt with you, and humor you when
ought not. I did not commence right in
the first place. I should have paid no at
tention to your whims, but studied my
own convenience and comfort, instead d
seeking to make everything smooth and
pleasant for you. Then I would have
got along much better: Oh, you men arc
great tyrants; and if a woman yields tc
YOU in the least, you follow up your ad
vantage, and bend her will to yours, and
crush her spirit to the earth; till, by and
by, you break her heart"
My dear, I will thank you for another
cup of Coffee" said, passing my cup te
her; abut be careful not to run it over
nor get it too sweet, nor put in too much
milk. What an intolerablc steak this is,
7 added; ssit is tough enough to have
been cut from one of the cattle pastured
upon q thousand hills, more than thou
sand wears ago. If there be one thing
dislike more than another, it is a tough
beefsteak."
aYou ordered it yourself, from the
.,o.l.n+ sn Won needn't find fault with me