The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1861-08-31

knucksd out Of this bottle ron gasS me-
aWhy," said Jem, here's the hole 10 it
nov. II il vas knocked cut how could il
b there now"
GA poor laboring man Vas told that
gold vas the hardest Of metals.
swell, don. know about that: all
know 10, il Is the hardest to get"
R|Ws noticed the other day, the mari.
age Of young lady, Who had gone TO the
vars a"Danghtsr Of the Regiment" Did
the lucky bridegroom look seriously before
hs leaped into the arms Of thousand ia
theirs. 10. law?
rTBarry Cornwall says, "come let me
dive into thine eyes," II his love had
"swimmipg eyes," very good; but at all
events, our advice to the young woman il,
for divers reasons, don't let him do il. lie
might 70 over "eataYnct.'
evA man was suspected Of stealing
horse, and was taken up.
s.What am taken for 2" he inquired Of
the constable.
al take you for a horse, )" vas the reply
whersupon be kicked the officer over and
boIted.
aTA Methodist brother had occasion to
preach q discourse against the doctrine of
immersion, but could not find text until
with grea. shrewdness and good sense, he
hit upon this
"Bsxars Of divers-and strange doc
trines."
E"Pray, poleshman," said q saucy
jade from the Emerald Isle, "why do you
wear that white thing round one Of your
wrists 2"
ITO show that I'm on duty" was the
reply.
"Ocb, be tn. powers. Though. IL was be-
cause you didn't know your eight hand
from your left, said the sly old mink.
A luckless undergraduates Of Cambridge |
being examined FOR his degree, and failing
in every subject upon which he was tried, |
complained that he was not questioned up.
on the things which he knew. Upon |
which the examining master took of abou.
an inch OF paper, and pushing it towards
him, desired him to write upon that all he
knew.
"A Clergyman in Perthshire, who
WAS more skillful rs an angler than popu-
lar as a preacher, having fallen into CONVEX
sation with some Of his parishioners on the |
benefits Of early rising, mentioned, as an in |
stance, that he had that very morning be-
fore breakfast composed sermon and kill.
ed q salmon--an achievement on which he
plumed himself greatly.
"a we'll, SIR" observed one Of the COM
pany, 81 would rather has yer salmon than
Yer sermon"
eT"IIalloo, there, how do you sell
woody"
"By the cord"
"Pshaw how long has it been cut ?"
sFour feet"
"Ilow dumb IL mean how long has it
beed since you cut it7',
"No longer than il is now"
"See here, ldfellow, you are too bright
TO live long"
CYAN Englishman and Yankee being
In promiscuous company, the former was
20 much struck with some old air sung BY
the latter, that hs asked for the name OF
is.
40, nothing but the tune the old COW
died on, was the response.
"Ynu don't deceive me that way" said
the Englishman.
The Yankee struck up Yankee Doodle.
"What's that !" asked his companion.
"Thas's the tune old Bull died ou," was
the very prompt reply. No further ques.
ions were asked.
GA young lady Of extraordinary Ca
paciiy addressed the following letter to her
cousin -
Dear Kusxsn-The weather whar we is
air kold and suppose whar you isl. is
holder.
We is all we'll and mothers got the his
Terrix, brother Tom has got the Hnpn
kaush, and sister susin has got babee,
and hope these few lines will End you the
same. Rite sumo.
Your sphfecsiouats Kurzeu.
fT"Papa, can't 90 10 the Zooloseresl
Room to see the eammomils fight the rye
no-sis ee- host Z"
"Sartin. my son, but don't get your trow
eer's torn"
"S,rsnge nv dear, What taste that boy
has got for natural history. No longer ago
than yesterday he had eight pair Of tom
eats, hanging by their tails 70 the clothes
line,' "BIess his little heart, come to hi.
no,her."
- Freddy Is less than four yexrs old
His sister, who 10 no. quite year old, Was
sitting IN her fathers lap crying and fret
Sne for her mother, who had gone out,
when Freddy turned to her and said, in
The most ernest manner possible
"There Alice you've cried enough;
there's 10 use frcssing any more. Mosher's
sese away. and father don't keep the arfi-
Gle yoa rans.
TAn Irishmsn isft demand With
lavysr, friend Of ours, for collection, With
directions 10 have letter sent before the
suit commenced.
"whas shall | write about. asked the
h~ys-. To which Pat REPLIED
= "whr, your honor viii pisae begin lit
sle moderate Ia the matter, just calling him
. devil % = sralpeeo and negligent puppy,
sni - eouinS On sharper th - reach the
bottom Of the chapter
r"tn The town Of T, not many
Rises from hers. there vas shoemaker
Who ~ times sScia,sd a. . rreaekss. He
ai~ays wrote the notice himself. in order 30
save The expense II printing. Here IS one
Of them
"Thtre will ~ rrsscaius 10 the pines cr-
resi;e the United States Hotel this Snnday
sfteruean o. the sshjees. All who do
-. believe viii u tanssd - tAsss
s'aesk.'o