Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-19
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

I3ctIcal Conchology-Shell out
10 what tune does the ocean sing?
Neptune.
How to turn brass into sold-,nar-
ry an heireSs.
A city in which social spies should
feel at home-Pekin.
The only solution for the problem
OF llte--diS- solution.
When a rich man says good
thlng, 1t Is always a capital hit.
-Euphenlistic way of telling
man to so to the devil. Get married.
Why are Presidents like vacabondse
because they are associated with Vic.
When you dispute with fool. he
IS very certain to be similarly emp lov~
--Where a mans business is, there
IS the placc for his religion to manifest
itself
w hen your hair gets into disorder
what heathen deity should it name p
Comus.
1t you lost your nose what would
you do for another? Take the first one
that turns up.
-1he law Of loye-romant:o at
tachments often end with sherif,s At
tachments.
is 1t the extreme modesty of wo-
men that prevents them from DEALING
IN naked truth?
Fashion is the race of the rich to
get away from the poor, who follow as
fast as they can.
-Ihe storms that prove most de-
Structlve to connubial peace usually be-
gin with little squalls.
-"lIow to pay the Rent" is pleas
ant farce on the stage, but painful
drama in actual life.
A modern tourist calls NIAGARA
the pride of Riversn That pride
certainly has tremendous fall.
"A good constitution is like = mon
ey box; the full valne Of it is never
properly known until it is broken.
MAN was created to search for
truth, to love the beautiful, to desire
what is good, and to do the best.
The only way for rich man to
be healthy issto practice exercise and
aDStinencc--to live as if he were Door
some one says that heads arc like
hogsheads; the less they contain the
louder report they give Of themselves.
1t may be said Of ladies as well
as Of vessels, that if they are well
"'an>aea, they arc very certain to he
well rugged
He that thinks himself the happi-
est man, really is so, but lie that thinks
himself the wisest is generally the
greatest fool.
w omen love to find in men a diff.
tlcnt conbination-a gentleness which
VIII always yield, with force which
will Invariably protect
i think wife you have a great ma
ny ways of calling me fool.''
i think you have great manv
ways Of being one"
Many beautiful women. when
walking in the streets, seem very an
CRY if they are gazed, and sadly disap-
pointed if they are not
a Captain Of priyateer, who had
been IN an engagement, wrote to her
owners that he had received but little
damage, having only one Of his hands
wounded III the nose.
"A red-nosed gentleman asked a
wit whether he believed in Spirits
"Ay, sir" replied he, looking him full
IN the face, II see too much evidence
before me to doubt that.''
Government land costs one dollar
per acre on an average, and champagne
wine two dollars per bottle. MANY q
man dies landless, who, during his life
time, has swallowed a fertile township,
trees, houses and all.
Tho Rockville Republican saws
that the infant found on Cushman,s
door step, in Ellington, a few niohts
ago, will be named Stephen A. Doug
las, for the reason that the little suek-,
er was IL search Of his mothcr,,-...- r d:
-'What do you AK for that there
boss ?"
cone hundred and twenty-five dol-
lars
"Give you Twenty-Five"
''Take him along-it shan't be said
that | spoiled q good horse trade for =
hundred dollars.o