The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-01-09
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

/
= If you doubt whether to kiss ,
pretty girl, give her the benefit of doubt
and go in.
= A horse-dealer, in describing a USED
up horse, said he looked rs if he had beer
editing a newspaper. ~
= An Irish Judge said. when address,
ing a prisoner, "you are to be hanged
and hope it will prove warning tc
you." ~ aa.
-" The ocean speaks eloqucntly and
forever" r."-Beecher.
Yes, and there's no sort of use in tell
ing it to dry up"
: A true picture of despair is a PIG
reaching through hole in the fence, to
get cabbage that is only few inches
beyond his reach.
- Women love to find in men diff
cult combination--a gentleness which will
invariably yield, with force which viii
invariably protect.
"She isn't all that my fancy paint.
ed her9" bitterly exclaimed a rejected
lover, sand, worse than that, she isn't all
that she paints herself"
- A printers deva wanting 10 kiss
his sweetheart, addressed her as follows: !:
=" Miss -, can l have the pleasure of
placing my imprint on your bin.
: A wng seeing lady at a party
with q very low-necked dress and bare
arms, expressed his admiration by saying
that she outstriPped the whole party.
: Mrs. Alice Yell, on Saturday, cow
hided Mr.. Lay, of Camden, for promising
to marry her and not performing. As he
wouldn't make her Lay, she made him
yell.
=" "Miss, can I have the exquisite
pleasure of rolling tho wheel of conversa-
tion around the axle-tree of your under.
standing few minutes this evening gn-
The lady tainted.
- A man took off his coat TO show
terrible wound he had received few years
before. Not being able 10 find tho wound,
he suddenly remembered that il was his
brother Bills arm,
= A skating-cap for beginners, with
cushions toprotect falling heads from con-
'ussions, having been invented, the ubiq-
ultous jerks suggests that il would be
better plan to put the cushions a little be-
ow the suspender buttons behind.
=" tell you Susan, that will com
nit suicide if you don't have me-"
well Charley, as soon as you have
gwen me that evidence of affeclion,I will
believe you love me-" Il
lie Immediately hung himself upon her
leck and said: "Thefe, is not that an
vet of Suey-sider
She cayed.
= 1t is said that Gen. Joe Lane has
ent the following dispatch to the Cover
lor of N. c.:
Deer gov-orcgon is probably lost.
have resolved to see seed with my Ma
i've state. The election of Linkon has
lid the COB. Our only trust now is in
,od and Southern onion.
Yours, jo Lane"
= The New York EUening Post says
he following dispatches are reported TO
ave passed over the wires between New
York and Charleston.
Charleston merchant to profane cores
'ondent:
Send mo fifty barrels of -four
ieorge."
Answer of profane merchant:
Eat your cotton, d--n you.-Har-
y"
= A little boy while playing in the
ard one day, picked up curious little
hing that ladies use in corsets, called eye
cts, while admiring it he accidently swal-
owed it; he ran in the house with tears
a his eyes TO tell his mother, 90 moth
r, OF |, o DEAR" "Why johnny, what
) the matter, tell me quick" al, boo
100, have swallowed hole, with piece
f ivory around it,"
= Grundy was the captain of a
sound schooner, had been for years, and
most excellent skipper, though fearfully
iven to his grog. With him, rs mate,
as Jack Brown, also an irreclaimable
evoteo 10 king Bacchus. 1t was the Gus
pm, and is yet, we believe for owners to
dvance captains small amount for the
urchase of "small stores" On the oc-
.sion referred TO S15 was allowed. Just
efore weighing anchor, Capt. Grundy
llled his cook, a lad of fifteen years, say ,
g:
"Jack, go ashore and get SIS worth of
ores (and with knowing wink); you
now what kind 10 buy, and see that the
Ipply is very good"
Soon after the lad was seen returning |
lth grocers wagon, when Captain @.
US: i
" Well, Jack, my boy, what have you o
,ughtp
% Eourtaep 1o1Iore ,,o.tI ar G, (t.at,