Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1861-03-08
Fact, Fun and Fancy.

WHAT means Of conveyance by land, and
ahat By sea, are ladies fondest Of? Buses and
smacks.
ESUcATE THE Whole Mantle head, the
heart, the body the head to think, the heart
TO feel, and the body TO act.
pHE young lady with speaking eyes has
become quite hoarse, in consequence of using
them too much.
=" Mind, John, said father TO his son,
:" II you so out into the yard you will wish you
had stayed In the house"
"Well, II stay in the house, | shall wish
was out in the yard so where is the great dit.
ference, dad?
Many beautiful ladies, when walking out,
seem very angry il they are gazed at and sad
by disappointed if they are not.
Tho fellow who got intoxicated with de-
light has been turned out of the temperance
society.
a Yankee doctor has got up remedy for
hard times. 1t consists Of ten hours hard la
Dor, well worked in. Smart doctor but what
are the people to do who don get the ten hours
Of hard labor?
= Those horrid Boys again say, mister
don't yer want yer mustaches swept9
--Religion.is not a thing which spends itself.
Hislike al river whichwidcns continually, and
is never so broad or so deep as at its mouth,
where it rolls in the ocean Of eternity.
The storms of adversely are wholesome,
though, like snow-storms, their drifts are not
always seen.
= The triumph Of women lies, not in the adj
mirntion Of her lover, but in the respect Of her
husband, and that can only be gained by |
constant cultivation of those qualities which
she knows he most values.
-"There is no place like home" said a
brainless fop,. the other evening, to pretty
young lady. :" Do you really think 80 p said
tho young lady "oh, yes, was the reply.
I" Then " said she, "why don't you stay
there P'
"A lusty young fellow in a tattered garb
aRd long beard that bespoke the extreme of
distress, solicited an elderly gentleman foralms,
in piteous tone of voice the benevolent gen
tlemen gave him shilling.
" If this relief" said the beggar, had not
come so OPPORTUNITY, should have been driv-
en- to do what never had intended
"What was that % said the gentleman i'm
patiently.
g To work, " said the impostor.
The entrance to womans heart is
through her eye or ear. But Napoleon said
the way to a mans heart was down his throat
Good housewives understand this and accord
ingly are more attentive to the quality of their
husbands dinners than to the odor Of the
flowers which adorn the table
NEVER MIND THE WooD SHED '-"My
dear Amelia" said dandy, I" / have long
wished for this opportunity but hardly dare
speak now for fear you will reject me. But
love You; say you will be mine Your smiles
would she'd and then he came to pause;
''your smiles would she'd and then he
paused again. Never mind the wood shed, - |
said Amelia; ego on with the pretty TALK
SPIurrAL FAcrs.--That whisky is the key
by which many gain an entrance into our pri-
sons and almshouses.
That brandy brands the nose Of all who can
not govern their appctites.
That wine causes many to take winding
way home, and winds many in their winding
sheet.
That punch is the cause of many uniriendly
punches.
That ale causcs many an aiiing.
That beer brings many to their bier.
= A loaier, while stopping at tavern up
country, used TO lounge about the bar and
drink other peoples liquor. Not glass could
be left alone for q moment but he would slip
Np, and drink It's contents. Ono day stage
driver came 10, and called for stiff horn of
brandy toddy, Jcha Immediately played pos
sum by leaving his brandy while he stepped to
the door Tic bait took. On returning he
saw his glass empty, and exclaimed, with all |
the diabolical horror he could affect
" Brandy ard opium enough 10 kill forty
men. Who drunk that pizeu?'i
~, " stammercd tie loattr, ready to yicll
up the ghost with alright. /
You're dead man p said the driver.
"What shall dor? beseeehed the other who
thought himself gone sucker
Down with pint Of lamp oil, or you're a.
dead man in three minutcsr answered the
wicked driver. And down went ibe lampoil.
and up came The brandy and opium, together
with his breakfast, The Joke was told, and be
BAG never drunk other people liquor since.