Delaware State journal and statesman., 1861-09-10
Artemus Ward among the Spirits.


My naburs is mourn harf crazy on the new
tangled idear about sperreis. SperretoOul Sir
Giles is held ntely & or long hared TELLER has
settled fere and gone into the sperret biznis ex
cloosiVly atent was made to git Mrs A
ward to embark into tue Sperret biznis but the
htemt ialed. Of the long haired fellers told her
abe was ethereal creetur & wood make n sweet
meJium, Hhareupon she atact him with mop
handle aud drove him out of the house. | will
near observe that Mrs. Ward is inyalerble wo-
mun-the partner Of my goys & the sharer OF
my sorrers. In my absunse she waichis my
interests things with Eagle Eye & when
return she weleums me in atectonnte stilr 49,
Irooy 1t is with us as IL was with Mr.. q Mrs
lngomer in the Play, to whit
solOs with but a single thawt
2io!es which beet as l.
My nabers iujoocei me to attend Sperretooul
Sircle ut Squire Smiths. When l arrove
found the east room chock full incloodin all the
old maids in the villige the long haired fellcrs
h1sed. When | went in | was salootid with
=" hears Gums the Ienited man" hear Gums
the hcrey -heded unbeleeyer'-" hear Gums the
skciler at trooth, etsctery, etsettery.
seq !, "my frens it's troo I'm hear, & now
bring on your Sperrets."
i of the long haired fellers riz I'D and srd he
would state few remarks lIo sell man WINS
cfitter OF intelleck & was movn on To a DOLE
Sum men had bigger intellecks than other men
had aud thay wood git to the Cole the soonsrest.
sum men was beasts Il wood never cit into the
G'le at all. lie sed the Firth was material bul
man was immatericl and hens man was different
from the Firth. The Firth, continnerd the spta
ker, resolves round on its own Axeltree onct in
"a hours, but as man hant gut no axeltree he
cant resolve. lie sed the ethereal essence Of
the coordinate bInnohis of superhuman natur
heenni pettymoriussod US man progret in har-
llOhcal c1existunce & eventooally unity human
l2ed theirselvcs turned into rpglar sperretlel-
lers This was versiflergsly applauded by the
cumpany, and as ] make il n pint to get along
as pleasantly us possible, sung out " bully for
GU old boy"
The cumpany then drew round the table and
the Sirce kOnmenst to go il. They axed me If
thnfe was anybody in the Sperret land which
wood like to convarse with, | sed if Bill Tomp-
klns, who was onct my partner IN the show
bizns, WINS sober, shoUd like to conyarse with
him few periods.
q Is the Sperret Of william Tomphins pre-
sent =" sed OF the long haired chaps, and there
was three knox on the table
See I, civilian, how goze it,, Old Sweetness?"
Pretty rulf, old hoss," he replde
That was pleasant way we had Of adlressin
each other when he was in the flesh.
" Air you in the show blznis, William 2"
SEE l.
He sed he was. lie Sod he and John Bunyan
was travelin with II side show in connection with
Shakspeer, JOnsOn & Co g Circus He sed Old
Bun (mcanin Mr. Bunyan,) stird up the animls
ground the organ while he tendid door. Oe-
cashunally Mr.. Bunyan sung a comic song. The
circus was doin mddn well. Bill Shakspeer,
had made CRATE hit with Old Bob Ridley, and
Ben JOnson was detiu the people with his rosly
CRATE NIX of hossmanship without sadiul or bri-
lal. Thay was rehersin Dixey's Land & expect.
ed it would knock the peple
SEE |, william, my luvly friend, can you pay
me that liz dollars you owe me ?" He said no
with one Of the most tremenjis knox | ever
cxperiunsel.
The Sircle sed he hal gone. Air you gone,
William 2" | axed.
"Rayther," he replide, and knowd il was
no use to pursoo the sabjeck furder
then called fur my farther
e lows things, daddy
"Middlip, my son, mlddln"
" Amt you prowd of your orfuru boy?"
"Scacey"
"Why not. my parient?"
" Beoawz you have gone 10 wrilin for the
newspapers, my son. Bimeby you'll lose nil
your character for trooth and yerraserty When
helpt you into the show bi2ais | told van "a.
ignerfy that there perfeshun. Litteratoor
low"
lie also stated that he was doin middlin well
i'll the planut biznis 4 liked it putty well. tho'
the Clint was rather warm.
When tho sircle siopt thay axed me what
thawt Of it.
See |, my trends I've bin into the show
biznis now going on % years There's a artikl
in the Constitooshun of the Untcl States which
SEE in eilrck that everybody may think lust AZ
he darn plea es, & them is my sentiments 10 n
hare. You dowtlis believe this Sperret doerin
while think it is II little mkt Just so soon
us man becums regar out & out Sperret
rappcr be eeves orr workn lets his hnre grow
all over his Ease & commens spungin bis Twin
out OF OTHER pepe. lie cats ali the dicksbuna
ries he can find goze round chock full of bic
words, scarein tho wimmiu folks & little chill
Iren destrOyin the peace of mind of eyrv
famerlce he enters. lie don't do nobody no
good x is cuss to society and pint on honest
peple's corn beef barrils Admittn all va say
abowt the doctrin to be troo, must say the reg
lar Professional Sperret rappers-t them as makes
q biznis on it-air about the most oruery set If
cnsses ever encountered in my IFS So sayin
put on my surtOOt and went home.
Respectfully fures ARTEMus WAND.
- Vanity Fair.