davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10
Eelerteh Miscellany.
KISSING.

4 kiss is like a sermon: cit requires tuo
heads and an application. 1t deals with
the hidden spirit by means of tangible sym
bols It is like faith, in that it is ''the sub
stance of things hoped for.' It is the Ian
guage of affection, the echo of love, and the
concentration of bliss it is of good report, -
and pleasing to our ears; it is eloqueuce
dwelling with sweet accents upon the lips !"
It is both vocal and instrumental music,
giving ''vocal expression" to spirited char
monies" in language and with sentiment
Ineligible in all languages and in all ages
It is the :'sear' Of fathers blessing; the
witness Of mothers love, the guarantee
of a brothers protection, the "surety" Of a
sisters devotion, the ''gate" to lovers
heaven, and something that mere friends
have nothing to do with
1t is very fashionable for Misses of GER
tain age to insist that 'it is all foolishness,
and decidedly sickening.'
We never hear such an expression with
out thinking of a circumstance that actually
occurred, somewhere in Indiana, if we right
y remember. A gentleman stopped at a
house by the wayside for information as to
the route he was taking, and found woman
ironing, with her little child trying to amuse
itself upon the floor the little one was some
two and a half years old, very neatly dress
ed evidently scrupulous!y cared for, and
eminently handsome. The gentleman while
talking to the mother picked up the child
and kissed it; the little one looked up in
such perfect astonishment that the gentle
man remarked, "Why my little dear, one
would think that you were not used to being
kissed" The mother answered for the child, :,
L don't believe, sir, that she was ever kiss
ed before in her life I'm sure never did
such thing, and never knew it's father to. %
The Lord have mercy on that child and send
it somebody to love it, was the gentleman s
prayer, as he made sure his wallet was in
its place, and took himself out of the house
as fast as possible. Not to know the holy
kiss of a mother, the fondling embrace of a
father. the earnest lip press Of brothers and
sisters, is to fail in the development of the
soul in an essential aud vital degree; and
surely what is SO wondrous holy in infancy,
so refining in childhood, so worthy in par
ents and SO prevalent upon the hearthstone
is not matter to be disposed of with sneer,
or dismissed with Pooh" !" kissing, like
the marriage bells or the blessed truths of
the blessed Bible, never wears out; it is,
like them always new, fresh and interesting;
the affections. which, unlike the intellect,
loves the familiar; delights in the old and
Is coy Of the new and strange
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10
The variety of kisses is not small. There

The variety Of kisses is not small There
is the kiss paternal, the kiss fraternsl, the
kiss connubial (and pre-connubial) the kiss
revercntial, the kiss delightful (to an aft
ance), the kiss hypocritical and the kiss
promiscuous.
The last two varieties are the only ones
to which we object We have often thought
in reference to the kiss promiscuous, one of
the blessings of the man over the woman
consisted in being relieved of this convention
al duty; it seems to US in very many instan
ces, like casting pearls before swine; and
in illustration of the old adage, "Familiari
ty breeds contempt" A man or woman
who makes himself or herself common in
this respect, must not wonder if they are
not always appreciated.
Notwithstanding all that we have said we
are not slow to confess that in many cases
the practice is carried to unseemly and ridi-
culous lengths. What sense is there in a
lady's receiving every feminine caller with
the same expression that she would greet
the return of a long absent brother or hus
band? Is it not hypocritical lie for Mrs.
Jones, to thus express affection for Mrs.
Quidnunc, when in her heart Mrs j., wish
es Mrs. O., at home? Is it not outrageous
to be expected to put a mothers lips to
everybodys baby clean or dirty?
The following anecdote comes in very
we'll here, to prove that there is something
rery natural in kissing:
''As weary traveller was winding his
way through the mud in far west region of
the country, he discovered young maiden
seated in frent of the door of small log
house. He rode up in front of the cabin,
and asked the girl for drink of water. He
drank it, and she being the first woman he
had seen for several days, offered her dime
for kiss. The young maiden accepted the
offer, and received both the kiss and the
dime. The traveller was about to resume
his journey. bat the girl, never before hav-
ing seen dime, asked: what am l to do
with the dime?' You may use it any way
you wish, he replied; it is yours IT
that's the case, said she, 'I'll give you back
the dime and take another kiss"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY,
BY f. WELLS,
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.

TERMS OF SUBsCRIPTIoN.-For one year, II paid
an advanceor within six months, s. 80; if not paid
within six months, $500.
TERMS ADvERTIsISc.-For plain matter one
dollar per square for the first insertion. For rule
nnd figure matter, two dollars per square for the
first insertion. For each insertion after the first,
twenty five cents per square. Twelve lines or less
constitute square If the number of insei tons be
not marked on the advertisement, it will be pub
aished until forbid and charged accordingly. The
privilege of annual advertisers extends only their
immediate business.
Announcements Of candidates for Office, s 90
per month, to be paid in advance.
Obituaries, tributes of respect, calls upon persons
TO become candidates, &C., inserted advertise
anents, at the usual rates.
Communications, the effect of which is to pro-
mote private individual interests, matters of
charge, and to be paid for at the rate of so cts.
per square.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

THE Man Who DoN'T PAY THE PRINTER.
May he be shot with lightning and compell-
ed to walk over plains of gunpowder.
May he have sore eyes and chestnut bur
for an eye stone.
May every day of his life be more dcspotic
than the Dey of Algiers.
May be never be permitted to kiss pret-
ty woman.
May his sheet be sprinklcd with cowhedgc
and with bed-bugs, and feas be the sharcrs
of his couch
May 240 Nightmares trot quarter races
over his stomach every night.
May his wife be always cross, and his
baby ever On the squall.
May his demijohn always be full of blue
devil rot gut.
May his boots leak, his gun hang fire and
his fishing line break.
May his coffee be sweetenel with flies,
and his soup seasoned with spiders.
May a troop of printers devils" leau,
iank, gaunt and grim, and regiment OF
cats, catterwaul under his chamber window
each night.
In short, may his business go to ruin, and
he to - the Legislature.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

l. Children should not 90 to schee1 till
six years old.
2. Should not learn at home, during that
"gs altod w
8. Should be fed with plain, substantial
food. at regular intervals of not less than
four hours.
4. Should not be allowed to eat nything
within two hours of bed time
5. Should have nothing for supper but
single cup of warm drink, such as very weak
tea Of some kind, or cambria tea, or warm
milk and water, with one slice of cold bread
and butter-nothing else.
6. Should sleep in separate beds. ON hair
mattresses, without caps, feet first well
warmed by the fire, or rubbed with the
hands till perfectly dry; extra covering on
the lower limbs, but little on the body.
7. Should be compelled to be out of doors
for the greater part of daylight, from after
breakfast till half an hour before sundown.
unless in damp, raw weather, when they
should not be allowed to go outside the door.
8. Never limit healthy child as to sleep
ing or eating, except at supper, but compel
regularity as to both; it is Of great import
ance.
8. Never compel child to sit still, nor
interfere with its enjoyment, as long as it is
not actually injurious to person or property,
or against good morals.
10. Never threaten child; it is cruel,
unjust, and dangerous. What you have to
do, do it and be done with it,
II. Never speak harshly or angrily, but
mildly, kindly, and when really needed,
frmly-no more.
II. By all means arrange it SO that the
last words between you and your children
at bedtime, especially the younger ones
shall be words of unmixed lovingness and
affection. .--Journdl Of HeolM
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

SEEING THE ECLIPSE. The Providence
Post narrates the following experience of
a highly respectable citizen Of good moral
character, in search Of the eclipse:
Got up at o'clock Wednesday morning
Looked for the sun, but couldn't find it
Concluded [ was up too early. Went to bed
Got up again at half past five. Saw
something they called the sun. Looked
red. Went down town. Sun looked whit
er, and bright as tin pan. Thought I
would go home and get breakfast. Noticed
the breakfast room looked dark Opened
the blinds, when it looked lighter
Seven o'clock. Went down town again.
Sun shining very bright. Tried to look at
it but couldn't. Thought L would take
glass Took onc Smoked it, Thought
could see any eclipse.
Eight o'clock. Took anothergzoss. think
ing it might be better one. Smoked -
Could see patch on the suns face Grew
bigger Took another glass--smoked -
Looked first rate.
Half past eight. Things didn' look right.
but could see something. Thought the
trouble might be in the last glass. Tool;
another. Saw the biggest kind of an eclipse
Saw the sun, and the moon. Took another
glass. Saw two suns and two moons
Iooh another glass. Five or six suns, ten
or fifteen moons, all mixed up, and seemed
to be drunk
Nine o'clock. Couldn't see much of any
thing. Concluded / was sun struck. =
Thought would 60 home. Saw an omni-
bus and thought l would get it. Turned
out to be Swarts's what dye call it. Tried
another, another, and got in. Went home
in coal cart. Think eclipses are hun
bugs, besides making people have head
| aches
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10
How Sal Disgraced the Family.

A traveller in the State of Illinois, some
years ago, came to lone log hut on the
parties, near Carlo, and there halted. He
went into the house of logs 1t was
wretched affair, with an empty packing box
for table, while two or three old chairs
and disabled stools graced the reception
room, the dark walls of which were further
ornamented by display Of dirty tin ware
and a broken delf article or two.
The woman was crying in one corner,
and the man with tears in his eyes and IL
pipe in his mouth, sat on a stool, with his
dirty arms resting on his knees, and his
sorrwful- looking head supported by the
palms of his hands Not word greeted
the interloper.
"'Fell," he said 'tyou seem to be in an
awful trouble here; what's up?'
''Oh, we are most crazed, nei ghbQr,"
said the woman; and we amt got no patience
to see folks now"
That all right said the visitor, not
much taken back by his polite rebuff but
can | be Of any service to you i'll all this
trouble"
'Well, we've lost our gal our Sails
gone off and left Us, said the man in tones
of despair
"Ah, do you know what induced her to
leave you, remarked the new arrival.
"Well, we can't say stranger as how
she'd so far lost as to be induced, but then
she's gone and disgraced US, remarked Their
afflicted father
Eyes, neighbor, and not as I should say
it as is her mother, but there warn'ta pootier
gal in the West than our Sal she's gone
and brought ruin on us and on her own head,
now," followed the stricken mother.
"Who has she gone with? ?" asked the
visitor
''Well, thcr's the trouble The gal could
have done we'll, and might have married
Martin Lehoe, capital shoe maker, who
although he's got but one eye, plays the flute
in lively manner, and earns a good living
Then look what home and what life she
has deserted. She was here surrounded by
all the luxury in the country" said the
father.
''Yes, who knows what poor Sal will
have to eat, drink or wear, now groaned
the old woman
s'And who is the fellow that has taken
her from you dead 4Aa1. .ato such Eiis;=s:
why She gone or anu got nsiIsel 20
critter called an editor, as lives iu the
village, and the devil only knows how they
are to earn living!"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

E Any fool can make woman talk, but
it requires 4 very clever man to make l,er
listen
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

WINTER RuLEs-Never 60 to bed with
cold or damp feet. In going into a colder
air keep the mouth resolutely closed, that,
by compelling the air to pass circuitously
through the nose and head, it may become
warmed before it reaches the lungs. and
thus prevents those shocks and sudden chills,
which frequently ends in pleurisy, pneumo-
MIA, and other serious forms of disease. -
Never sleep with the head in the draft of an
open window. Let more covering be on
the lower limbs than on the body. Have
an extra covering within easy reach, in case
of a sudden and great change of weather
during the night. Never stand still mo-
ment out Of doors, especially at street cor
ners, after having walked even a short dis
tance. Never ride near the open window
of a vehicle for single half minute, espe-
cially if it has been preceded by walk
Valuable lives have thus been lost, or good
health permanently destroyed. Never put
on new boot or shoe in the beginning of a
long walk
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

%A military officer, one day, while re-
viewing his company, happened to be thrown
from his horse; and, as he lay sprawlng on
the ground, said to a friend who ran to his
assistance, 4 thought I had improved in
hsrsemanship, but find I haze tallen off,
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

@A literary gentleman of London
claims that the word ''whig' was derived
FROM the initials of the party motto, I'VE
hope in Cod
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10

GE Always be as witty as you can with
your parting bow; your last speech is the
ono remembered
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1861-01-10
Rearing Children.

l. Children should not 60 to scheel till
six years old.
2. Should not learn at home, during that
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19
A Deplorable Case


A western paper relates the follow
ing, which We hope may be q warn
ing to all such as persist in the course
pursued by their western exemplar
i" The man that don't take his county
paper was in town yesterday. He
brought his whole family in a two
horse wagon. He still believed that
General Taylor was president, and
wanted to know if the Kamschatkian
had taken Cuba, and if so qchere they
had taken it. He had sold his corn
for twenty five cents, the price being
thirty one but upon going to deposit
the money, they told him it was most
y counterfeit. The only hard money,
the had was some three cent pieces.
and those some sharper had "run on
him. for half dimes His old LADY
smoked q " cob pipe, and would not
believe that anything else conld be
used. One of the boys went to the
blacksmith's shop to be measured for
a pair of shoes, and another mistook
the market house for a church. After
hanging his hat on a meat hook, he
piously took a seat on a butchers stall
and listened TO an auctioneer whom
he took to be preacher. He left
before meeting " was out, and had
no great opinion of the sarmint. "
One Of the girls took q lot of seed
onions to the post Office to trade them
for letter. She had a baby which
she carried in sngra trough, y
stopping at times to rock it on the side
walk When it cried, she stuffed its
mouth with an old stocking, and sang
Barbara Allen" The oldest boy
has sold two "eoon skins +" and was
on "bust" When last seen, he had
called for glass of "soda and water,n
and stood making wry faces. The
shop keeper, mistaking his meaning,
had given him q mixture of sal soda
and water, and it tasted strongly of
soap. But he'd hearn tell of soda
water and was bound to give it trial,
''puke or no pike" Some town fell
low came in and called for lemonade.
with "fy in it, whereupon our
soaped friend Turned his back and qui-
city wiped several flies into bis drink.
We approached the old gentleman and
and tried to get him to subscribe
but he would not listen to it. He
was opposed to Internal improve
ments, and he thought larnin was
wicked invention, and culterwated
nothin' but vanity and wexation.
None of his family eJer learned to read
but one boy, and he teached school
awhile. and then went to studying
divinity,
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19

A WAR INCIDENT. While one Of
the Massachusetts regiments was in
this city, on its way to Washington,
a gentleman residing here met one of
its members on the street.
els there anything I can do for you,
sir ?" said the New Yorker, his heart
warming towards the representative of
the brave Massachusetts militia, who
had SO promptly answered to the call
of their country.
The soldier heSitated q moment, and
finally raised one of his feet, exhibited
a boot with q hole In the toe, and
generally the worse for wear.
"How came you here with such
boots as that, my friend ?" asked the
patriotic citizen.
"When the order came for me to
join my company, sir" replied the
soldier, II was ploughing in the same
field at Concord where my grandfather
was ploughing when the British fired
on the Massachusetts, men at Licking
ton. He did not wait moment, and
I did, not SIR"
1t is unnecessary to add that the
soldier was Immediately supplied with
an excellent pair of boots--N Y
Post.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19
VOLUME 3. NUMBER 1876

before his death, his wife leaned low
ingly over him and sobbingly asked,
" Husband, do you know me will
you kiss me 2" he raised his eyes and
smiled, and though too weak to speak,
the movements of the muscles Of his
mouth evinced that he was making an
almost dying struggle to comply with
her request.
His death was calm and peaceful;
few faint breaths after nine o'clock;
slight rafting Of his throat; short
quick, convulsive shudder and Stephen
A. Douglas had passed from time into
eternity Chicago cor. Herald.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19
Pulpit Versus Choir.

Ministers often find much fanlt with
their choirs, and one who thinks the
choir ought to be permitted to return
the complaint, tells the following
amusing story
In small country town, located ia
the vicinity of the junction of the
Chenango with the Susquehaura river
there is a church in which the singing
had, to use their own phrase, " run
completely down It had been led
for many years by one of the deac0ns.
whose voice and musical power had
been gradulIy falling. One evening.
on an occasion of interest, the clergy
man gave out the hymn, which was
sung even worse than usual-the dea-
con, of course leading off. Upon its
conclusion, the minister arose and
requested the deacon to repeat the
hymn, as he could not conscientiously
pray after such singing The deacon
very eomposedly pitched it to another
tune, and it was again performed.
with manifestly little improvement
upon the first time. The clergyman
said no more, but proceeded with his
prayer He had finished, and taken
the book to give out the second hymn,
when he was interrupted by the deacon
gravely getting up, and saying, in
voice audible to The whole congrega-
tion," win the minister please make
another prayer =? 1t win be impossi-
BILE for me to sing after such praying
as that. ("
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19

Printers proof often contains funny
errors The accidental transposition
of q single letter in the following item
is an instance in point: Mr.. Wild,
the president of the metropolitan
Railroad has caused q number of long
adders to be placed on the lice, ect
In this case the type having fallen
from ladders was stuck inadvert-
emily before ''ice. /"
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19
Sg5Egist&llaug.
The Married Man.
By GEORGE COOPER.

He struts about all wreathed in smiles:
He grasps you tightly by the hand,
In fact he S such happy man.
That steadily he cannot stand.
You wonder what has wrought the change
What could have brought about his JOY
You ashland with roguish eye,
He whispers soft-"We've got boy -
FIVE YEARS LATER.
He walks along, all draped in frowns,
He grufiy passes by his friends,
And every one who stops his course
He straightway to the devil sends.
You wonder what does all all this man
Inquire, and you'll discover-may-be
You ashland learn in spiteful tones
"JVe'pe got the fifth internal 6aby ~
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19

Whoever undertakes to put a joke
on the razor strop man, is sure to get
aoored in the long run. Recently
while selling his strops at Plymouth
and expatiating the while on rum
drinking. tipsy fellow cried out
eff rum drinking made me lie as
fast as you do selling your strops, I'd
quit it to day"
Every good, replied thes trop seller
:" The only difference between your
lying and mine is this-my strops en-
able me to lie in good warm bed,
while ram makes you lie in the gutter.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19

Young man, do you believe in
future state 2" In course / does
and what's more / intend TO enter it
as soon as Betsy gets her things.
Go to, young man, you are too
incorrigible--go 70. ? Go two II
it wasn't for the law against bigamy,
whip me if / wouldn't go dozen.
But who supposed Deacon that a man
Of your age would give such advice to
q man starting in life. y
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19
gpet's 0npk,
Written for the LAMBERTvILLE PRESS,
Departing Friends.
By MISS MARIE coRNwELL


Filled with despair, my aching heart
Bows down, mid sorrow, ruin
One by one my dreams depart
Leaving an unfathomable chaos.
Friends depart and hopes forsake-
Scenes long cherished-all are gone
And leave an never ending secret
OF sorrw, in this heart of mine.
How hard to part with those We love,
But Iarder still when friends grow cold,
And leave sad reminescence of the past,
With phantom scenes to haunt the soul
How often do gaze thro' memory affair."
Whilst think of the loved ones that are gone
W lille some signing angel whispereth me-
They win never--never come again,
NRW YORK, June 9th 1861.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-06-19

Were fred-2,s ol shot and $50
shells from the South Carolina bat
teries during the bombardment Of
Sumter. Ifthat many balls did not
kill one man, how many will it re-
quire to kill an army of 100000
men.