The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1861-06-26
Artemus ward in the South.
HIS TRIALS AND ADVENTURES.

South. The swings and arIors OF our ralns
forlin," alluded to by Hamick, warn'tnolh-
in in comparison to my troubles | came
pesky near swearin some profane oalhs
more'n onet, but hope | didn't do it, FOR
( ] promist she whose name shall be name
4 less (except that her initials is Betsy J.
that III jine the Meetin House at Baldins-
vile jest as soon as can scrape money
ennf together so as | can lord to be pinss
in good style. like my wel,hy rabers. But
/ if I'm confsticaled agin I'm afraid shall
contlnner on in my present beniled state
for sum time.
( iggered consPicyusy in many thrilling
scenes in my tower from Montgomery to
my humsied, and on sevral occasions
thawt "the CRATE komic paper" wouldn't
! never be enriched no more with my lubr-
/ cations. Aner biddn adoo TO Jefferson D
started Tor depot. saw niger sitn
on fence playing on banjo "My Afri
kin Broiher," sed /, cotin from a Track
once red, "you belong 10 a very iuerestin
race. Your masters is goin TO war excloo-
sivelY on your account"
eyes, boss, he replied, "and wish 'em
honorable graves !" and he went on Playln
the banjo, larfn all over and openin his
mouth wide enuff 10 drive in an oldlash-
ioned wheeled chase.
I he train of cars in which was to trust
my vallerabe lie was the scaliest rickyti-
! est lookn lot of consarns that ever saw on
/ wheels afore. "Whai time does this string
of secondhand collins leave ~ inquired
of tHe depot master. He sed direckly, and
went in s. set down. ] hadn't more'n
squalied afore dark lookin man with
swinisier expression onto his counlenance
entered The cars, ard lookin very sharp al
me, axed what was my principles?
"Sesesh - answered "I'm a Dissou-
ter I'm in favor of Jeff Davis, Bouregard,
Pickens, Captain Kidd, BIoobeard. Monro
Edwards the Devil. Mrs Cunningham, and
all the rest OF 'em !"
you're in favor of The war !'
''Cerlainly By all means. Pm in favor
of this war and also the next war. I've
been in favor of the next war for over six
teen years -
"War to the knive ~ sed he man.
"BIud, Fargo, Bud !" sed l, tho Them
words isn't origernaI with me. Them words
was ril by Shakspere, who is ded His
Mantle tell onto the author of "The Seven
Sisters" who's goin to bav spring over
coat of i.
We got under way at laTs,, an proceeded
on our journey at about the rate of speed
which is ginraIly obsarved by properly con-
Quoted funeral professions. A hansum
yung GAL with a red muskeler bar on the
back part of her he'd, and sassy little
black hat topi over her forrerd, sot in the
seat with me. She wore a little Sesesh flag
pIn'd onto her hat, and she was a going for
to see her Iroo love, who had lined the
Southern army, all so bold and gay. She
was chilly and | offered her my blanket
''Father living g. axed.
: Yes, sir"
'Got any Uncles ?'
"a heap Uncle Thomas is ded, tho"
"Peace 10 Uncle Thomas ashes, and
success 10 him. | will be your Uncle
Thomas! Lean on me my pretty Sesesh
er aud inger in blissful rePose ~ She slept
as scoorly as in her own housen, and didn'
disturb the solum stiffness OF the nigh! viii
'ary snore.
AT the FIRST station a troop of Soiers en-
tered the cars and inquired if cold Wa,
Works. was on bord. That was the dis
resPecly siile in which they referred 10 me
''Becawz if Old Wax Works on bofd, SCI
a man with face like a doubIe-bresteC
lobster, "we're going TO hang Old Wa2
Works !''
"My illustrious and patriotic Bummers =
sez gil.in up and takin orr my ShapPoo
, : it you alIude TO A. Ward, it's my peasil
} duty 10 inform you that he's ded. He saw
the error of his ways al Is minutes past
; yesterday, aud stabbed hissef with stuffed
sedstake, dyin in FIVE beautiful tabloos {,
slow music His larst word, was, my
! perleshernal career is over! ] jerk NJ
more ~
"And who be you ~
; 'l'm a stoodent in Senator Beaiamin':
r law offiss. I'm goin up North to steal sun
! spoons and things for the Southern Army"
This was Satisfactory, and the intossicaiec
troopers went orr. Al The next station the
pretty little Sesesher awoke anG sed she
must git out there. / bid her kind adoc
and give her sum provisions. ''Accep, my
. blessin and this hunk of gingerbread p
sed. SEe thankt me muchly and tript galy
away. Theirs considerable human nalu
in man, and I'm fraid shall alters Civ ail
and comfort to the enemy if he Gums to me
in the shape of a nice young gal
AT the next station didn't git orr so easy
| was dragged out of the cars and rolled in
the mlc for sevral minits, for the purpu:
| of sftakiuu the consect out Of me as :