The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1861-04-18
WHAT NOT d?

Why is lover like lighthouse he
bows and vows.
. Wanted TO know.-Whether the volume of
sound has yet been found.
Few young girls are so inconsoable that their
heart cannot be kept afoat by boy.
PleasiDg-The power of pleasing is founded
on the wish to please, The strength of The wish
is the measure Of the power.
The object of nearly all great takers seems
to be to excite their own admiration-and they
never, fail.
ing to its wishes, the cunning little huckster
will beset you continuity for similar bar
gains.
4 German being required to give receipt in
foil, after much mental effort, produced the
following, II ish full, wants no more mon
ey. JOHN SwACKHAMMER."
A Discovery.-It has been found that rude
man IS 10 more likely to be honest than q po-
lite one The idea that man who is civil
means 10 cheat you is obsolate.
Don't rely for success upon empty praise.
The swimmer upon the stream of life should be
allie 10 keep adoat without the aid of bladders.
The heart that is true and warm has no dali
face With hour marks and year-marks upon it;
like woman Of thirty-tiye, it never tells its
age
ono one would take you to be what you are, ,
SAID IA oid-fashioned gentleman the other day
| to O dandy who had more hair than brains.
'Nhy?' was Immediately asked
| because they can't See your ears
A yankee has invented new and cheap
plan fgr boarding. One Of his boarders mes
merizes the rest, and then eats hearty meal
the mesme rzed being satisfied from sympa-
! thy.
Il IS impossible for two persons to harmon
ize perfectly. They can not stand side by side
looking in the same direction, so that their
heats shall be next to one another.
"What is shew bread, aunt?' asked Ike,
who was reading the bible. ''Why, Isaac
said Mrs. Parington, "shoe bread is that which
people earn by the making Of shoes There is
plenty Of it in Lynn"
Texas, having deposed Gov. Houston, is
now theatening to hang him. Let her do so
| by all means. The hanging of the author OF
her Independence is all that is wanting to rem
| der her character complee.-LOaisritie J0urn-
! al.
An apprentice boy who had been misbehav-
| ing, enc day came in for chastisement, during
which his master exclaimed, How long will
you serve the devil?" The boy replied, "You
know best, sir; believe my indentures viii be
out in three months.
As daylight can be seen through very small
holes, SO little things will illustrate Il PERSONS
character Indeed, character consists in little
acts and honorably performed daily life being
the quarry from which we build it up, and
rough-hewn stones the habits that form it.
A rough individual whose Knowledge of elias
steal language was-not quite complete, had
| been sick, and on recovering was told by his
| physician that he might take a tile animal food
" No, sir" said he, 81 took your cruel easy
enough, but hang me if can go your hay and
oats"
THE BIG BABY. Our readers will be glad
to hear that the mammoth baby is still prosper
| ing. 1t now, at the age Of ten months, wei ghs
! but enc hundred pounns, and measures Is inch.
es around the leg and 101 around the arm. We
challenge any 9th in the West to beat this $50
! Springfield Journal.
! CONNECTICUT OUT OF DEBT-Three years
ago, when the Republicans took the Govern
ment in Connecticut there was a debt of $S1 :
| 16I ,G6. A system of rigid economy was inaug
urated,aud there is now surplus in the Treas
ury Of 81 900, and no debt This speaks wei
for the Administration in Cid Connecticut
A young lady has discovered the reason why
married men from the age of thirty and upward
are more or less bald. They scratch their hail
off in dismay at their wives long milliner's bills
Yes it is certain. You have all observed that
when gentleman is examining little account
he always scratches his head, and the longer
the bill the harder he scratches.
The wind is unseen, but it cools the brow o
the layered one-sweeteas the summer atmos
iphera-and ripples the surface of the AXE int
isilysr spangles OF beauty So goodness Of heart
though invisible to the material eye, makes it
presence felt and, from its effects upon sur
, rounding things we are sure of It's existence.
A young officer hearing some one celebrating
the exploits of prince who, in two assaults up
>on q town, had killed six men with his owl
S hand, "Bah !" said he, Il would have you t
: know that the very mattresses [ sleep upon ar
: stuffed with nothing else but the whiskers c
those whom I have sent to slumber in the 9th
er world.
!, AK ENcoNoSusT.-As Scotch paper says:--I
these day Of revival services it is to be expec
ed that a variety Of motives nav operate
gathering audiences; but surely few woui
ever dream that the following would find
! place among them. We gave il as literal fac
-"Were you at meeting last night. Nelly?', :
=. "Ay; hadna' muckle ado, an thocht mici
a as weel gang, as it would help to save tn
is can'le!"
AIisfortunes never come siagly. Captai
Goliath, Of the schooner RiaLto, lost on Satu
day week, as Scituate, Ohio, is peculiarly III
fortunate. He has recently lost his wife, an
e also his dwelling by fire. He now loses h
three children, bright, pretty boys, and his We
sci. Two Of the boys, eleven and twelve yeal
Of age, died in the Captains arms of cold an
and exhaustion. The other, eighteen years o.
was drowned when the wreck SEP erated.
?. Everybody recollects the diamond wedding
l. the rich cid Cuban and the young New Yor
bell. 4 recent letter from Cuba says:-''It ma
- Interest my fair readers to remember that II
vana is home Of Signor OViedo, the hero Of Il
diamond wedding-Here he is known as a m
llatto, at least half black, and he is said to be
Blue Beard for brutality. He is rich; but,
he and his bride are of course excluded from g
good society, his wealth can heardly compe
safe his lady for the Sights and seclusion
which her life is henceforth destined. A So