Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1861-04-04
Odds and Ends.

Gan you name the greatest cornerowers
in Europe and America? Yes, tieb,
boots.
Why is widow like gardener? Be-
cause she tries to get rid of her weeds.
Why are chickens necks like door.
bells! Because they are (w) rung for
company.
When you dispute with fool, he is
very certain TO be similarly employed.
Success with the ladies is like violin
playing--a great deal depends on the
beau-ring.
q benevolent physician considers tho
poor his best patients, for God is his paw
master.
Would botanist classify the Ghost in
"Hamlet' as a species of deadly night
shade?
Heart, though called substantive
noun in grammar is, in the world, an in
definite article.
Which can travel the fastest--heat or
cold? Why, heat, you dunce Can't
anybody catch cold?
The storms that prove most destructive
to connubial felicity usually begin with
little squalls.
Beauty unquestionably has its privi-
leges; but it is no sanctum for ill-nature
or impertinence.
Who was it that first introduced salt
provisions into the Navy? Noah; for he
took Ham into the Ark.
What is the difference between prin-
ter and tailor? The one works press
and the other presses work.
An irritable man is somewhat like n
hedgehog rolled up the wrong way, and
pierced by his own prickles.
A coquette is a rose bush from which
each young beau plucks leaf, and tho
thorns are left for the husband.
LADIES, don't raise your voices. Your
tones are naturally several octaves higher
than ours.
Ir requires great virtue to support bad
fortune-far greater to support good.
A man behind the times is apt to speak
ill of them. Probably they don't look
well from behind.
IF you cannot have friends without
continually cultivating them, the crop
may not be worth the trouble
The first human sin was improper in
diligence in eating, and it has been one
of the chief sins ever since.
NATURE makes every man love all wo-
men, and trusts the trivial matter of spe-
cial choice to tho commonest accident.
We all of us mistake each other in this
world; we are valued for what we are not
and deemed deficient in what we have.
A man must be preeminently gentle-
man who will respect woman who does
not compel him to do SO.
They who wreck character are not the
calumnious, they are simply the idle
the men and women who, have nothing
to do, do mischief without knowing.
An envious man repines as much at
manner in which his neighbors live, as if
he maintained them.
Where did Charles the First's execu-
toner dine, and what did he take? He
took chop at the Kings head.
Mrs. Partington says there must be
some kin between poets and pullets, for
they are both chanting their lays.
A pleasant and cheerful mind some
times grows upon an old and worn-out
body, like mistletoe upon the dead tree.
Nature makes every man love all wom-
en-, and trusts the trivial matter ofspecial
choice to the commonest accident.
1t has been well observed, that advice
is not disliked because it is advice, but
because SO few people know how to give
it,
Though man should generally adapt
himself to his place, there is no necessity
for his getting tight because he is in
tight place.
Mr.. Gripes tho usurer, to whom six
pence always looked as big as cart
wheel, is in tho habit of holding his
breath while the tailor measures him, SO
that his garments will require less cloth.
Miss Long, girl of quick and fearless
wit, asked Moses if he knew certain
young man. "Know him, o. yes, l
ought to know him-I raised him from
pup" "Ah," said Miss Long, 81 did
not know you were SO old cur" Moses
wited.
"Do you retail things here?" asked a
green looking specimen of humanity, as
he polled his head into store on Van
Buren, st. the other day. "Yes," was
the laconic reply. "Well then. | wish
you would retail my dog-he had it bit
off about week ago.
Theodore Hook once dined with Hatch
EFT. "Ah my dear fellow said his host
deprecatingly, Il am sorry that you will
not get to-day, such as our friend. Tom
Moore, gNvo us." CERTAINLY not" re-
piled Hook. ."From a Hatchet you can
expect nothing but chop"
"But if I place my money in the Sa-
wings Bank" said one of the newly ar
rived, "whcn can draw it out again?'
"Och," responded his Hibernian friend,
"sure an if you put it in to-day, You can