Clarksville chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1857-1865, 1861-09-20
A CALL TO THE MINISTRY

.lA GALL TO THE MINISTRY
Lest any captieus person should tax
offence atthis present article, beg to stat
that no one has greater regard for Relig
ion and for all true Christianity than
have ; and that in the record here set down
lno disrespect is intended to those who tru
lily and earnestly strive to better the condi
tion of their fellow men by practical ap
lplication Of the teachings of the Cross t
the exigencies of real life
The experiences for which, in this col
umn, / myself assume the responsibility
are, by no means, the creation of fancy
they are real-the genuine story of rea
life; end, while it is possible that the Goa
may suit more than one ambitious theoo
gian, il is absolutely certain that at leas
ONE was measured accurately for the gar
ment, and that for him it is perfect it,
omit his name, for obvious reasons, hui
l retain his experiences l assume the per
sonality to relieve his modest shoulders
the story is his the telling is mine the
house is genuine edi6ce of his own build.
ing have but rubbed off little of the
paint and whitewash The incidents Of
this article are facts transcribed from the
life Of the Reverend Mr.. Blank the style
is the slipshoddy one of Doesticks, p B.,
and thus it runs.
Having noticed that young ministers are
made the pets of their congregations, and
generally have the choice of all the fat
things that are going-that they have the
unqualified admiration of the young ladies
of the pastoral flock, who vie with each
other in working the prettiest slippers, the
most comfortable easy chairs and foot stools,
the most gorgeous smoking-caps, and the
most significant and elaborate book marks
that they come in always for fat slice OF
desirable property, in case any pious lady
of the congregation dies, and leaves large
legacies for " charitable purposes" THAT
they always take the precedence in society,
are always sought by ladies, and referred
to by gentlemen, and that, in fact, they al
ways manage, whenever there's smart
shower of fat things, to be out in the. rain
and get very wet, l made up my mind that
| would study for the ministry, and pre-
pare myself for pulpit exercise
1t was an easy matter for me to become a
Christian, with all the modern improve
ments. 1t is merely matter of negatives
you must not swear, you must not drink,
you must not gamble or bet on horse-races,
and you must not mix with the world S
people. IF you can show that you possess
these indispensable negatives, and if you
are willing to make public profession of
faith, you may then safely apply for pecu-
mary assistance to put you through a the
illogical school, and if you have previously
Joined the Young Mems Christian Associa-
ton, you are safe to get it.
Well, l sent word to my native village
that / was reformed etc.. and that |
wane to study preaching, and become an
ornament to the pulpit, and so forth. So
great was the joy over my resolve, that the
Ladies Association for the Support, En- :
couragement and Education of A | Chris
tian young fellows who want to learn to
preach, at once got up fair and a ban.
quet, and picnic. and series of weekly
meetings, for the purpose of helping me
At the fair, the customary religious swim
dies were perpetrated on the unfortunate
gentlemen who had been inveigled there,
and large number of reluctant dollars
were coaxed into the fund.- BY this time
| had begun my studies. And as the As
sociation. was very assiduous and punctual
in their remissions to me during my whole
student-life, will give them that credit
and also state how | usually disposed of
their semi ANNUAL donation The money
that they sent could always manage the
worked slippers sold to fancy store, al
SO the smoking caps, ditto the book marks;
the box of clothes they used to send were,
of course, unwearable (being built by a
country tailor), so l used to pawn them to
Melchaisedee Isaacs, j ewish gentleman,
who felt so disinterested a concern in the
Christian faith that he would always pay
me literally for my country clothes, half
cash, and half in cigars and Scheidam
Schuapps. OF course, / had to learn to
smoke, as it would have been sin to waste
the cigars. Let no envious person, bowev-
er, say that learned to drink Schnapps
for the same reason, for | never drink
Schnapps with the slightest comfort if |
take over three tumblerfuls, it always gives
me severe headache, and interferes with
my studies. .t ...t..
At last | was examined, pronounced a
very good article of minister, and was
given dispensation to preach looked
anxiously about for an eligible congrega-
ton to preach at made it subject Of Sc
rious meditation, and came to the unbiased
and disinterested conclusion that the unu-
sual turn of my mind, the nature of my
requirements, the force of my miuistra.
tions, and the peculiar characteristics oi
my style, required that l should locate my
self among cultivated and refined peo-
pie. l could plainly recognize the indica.
tions of Providence, and bowed meekly to
the fiat. l willingly gave up the glory oi
a missionary's grand career; compelled
myself to leave the splendid hardships
and the noble trials of frontier ministry