The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1861-10-05
The Front Teeth and the GrIders...A
Fable for the Times.

TIC 1lmcSs
In the forth coming October number of
the Atlantic Monthly, Dr. Holmes has an
article on the Wormwood Cordial of His
tory, which closes with the following
rlever fable:
One on time mutiny arose among
the teeth OF a worthy man. in good health,
and blessed with a sound constitution,
commonly kn own as Uncle Samuel The
cuttingteeth or 'ncisors, and the eyeteeth,
or cannes, though not nearly so many, all
counted, not SO large, nor 50 strong as the
grinders, and by no means SO white, bu t,
on the contrary, very much discolored,
began to find fault with the granders as
not good enough company for them The
eye-teeth, being very sharp and fitted for
seized and tearing and standing out taller
than the rest, claimed to lead them -
Presently one of them complained that it
ached very badly, and then another and
another. Very soon the cutting-teeth,
which pretended they were supplied by
the same nerve, and were proud Of it. be-
gan to ache also They all agreed that il
was the fault Of the grinders.
About this time, Uncle Samuel Layipa
used his old toothbrush (Which was never
a good one, having no stiffness in the
bristles) for four weeks, took new one
recommended to him by great number
OF people as a homely but useful article.
lhereupon Ill the front teeth, one after
another, declared that Uncle Samuel
meant to scour them white, which was a
thing they never would submit to, though,
the whole civilized world was calling on
tiIrm to do so. SO they all insisted on
ct lag out OF the sockets in which they
had grown and stood for so many wears.
But the wisdom teeth spoke up for the
others and said
Nay, there be but twelve of YOU front
teeth, and there be twenty of Us grinders.
We are the strongest, and a good deal
nearest the muscles and the Joint, but we
cannot spare you. We have put up with
your black stain', your jumping achos, and
your snaPpish looks, and Low We are not
gong to let you 20, under the pretence
that you are to be scrubbed white. if vou
stay. \ GU don I work half 50 hard as we
do, but you can bite the food well enough
which we can grind so much better than
YOU We belong to each other You
must stay
Thereuron the front teeth. first the ca
mines or dog-teeth, next the incisors OF
cutting teeth, proceeded 10 declare them
selves out Of their sockets, and no 10
longer belonging to the jaws Of Uncle
Samuel
Then Uncle Samuel arose in his wrath
ana shut hIs jaws tightly together, and
swofe that he would keep them shut till
those aching and d;scoIored teeth Of hi.
went TO pieces in their sockets, if need be-,
rather than have them drawn staudin.
a some Of them did 1t the very cp,n.ul
Of hi, throa; and stomach.
And now, If YOU Will please to ob. crvc
all those teeth are beginning to ache worse
than ever, and to decay very fast, SO tha,
!, will take a good deal Of co!a TO ,to,
the hole- that are in them. But the great
white grinders are a. sound a. ever. and
w'i remain 50 until Uncle Sam thinks h,
time has comd FOR cpcuiug hi, mouth. n
the meantime they keep on grinding i'm 4
quiet way, Though the others have had Il
stop binding FOX a long time. Wher
Uncle sam opfas hi, mouth they VIII l.,
as ready for wbrk a. ever: but those pool
discolored teeth will be tender for arear
while, and never be "a strong a. they wer,
before they iooiishly declared iheu!selye,
out Of their sockets
The foregoing fabee is respectfully dedi
Gated 10 the Southern Plebs. who under
under the lead of their Pltrician" mas
ters, have seeded like their predeces
sors in the days of Menenius Asr!ppa.