Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1861-03-10
THE UNLUCKY PREsENT--AN AN
ECnOTE,

THE UNLUCKV PREsENT--AN AN
ECDOTE.
Mr.. l.. rector Of c., in Lanarksbir,
(who died within the present century,, was
one Of those unhappy persons, who, to us,
the words Of a well known Scottish adage
q can never see gresn cheese, but their ar
reels" He was extremely eovetous. and not
onlv OF nice articles Of food, but Of msny
other things which DO not generally excite tht
cupidity OF the human heart. The following
story is in corroboration Of this assertion.
Being on visit one day, at tie house OF one
Of his parishioners, a poor lonely widow
living In a moorland part Of the parish. MIR.
l. became fascinated BY the charms Of a
little cast iron pot, which happened at the
time to be lying on the hearth, full Of potatoes
for the poor womon's dinner and that Of beI
children. He bad never in bis life seen such
a nice little pot Il was a perfect coneeit Of
q thing. Il was gem. No pot on earth
could match it in symmetry. II was an object
perfectly lovely. Dear sake - said ths
widow, quite oyerpowsred by the mans com
mendatiOns Of her pot, " If ye like .he pot sac
Weel ss a. that, beg yen let me send It the
manse. Its kind o'0rra sHperfaousl pot vii
US; for we've bigger ane, that we use oftner,
and that's mair convenient way for u.s. Sac
ye'll Just take spresent OF, I'll send It over
the morn VII jamie, when he gangs to sehule -
fusF means
permit you to be at so much trouble Since
you are so good as to give me the pot, Pl Just
carry it home with me in my band. Pm 90
muoh taken With it, indeed, that would really
prefer carving it myself After much alter
cation between the widow and him on this
delieats point Of pOliteness, it was agreed that
be should cGrry home the pot himself.
Of then be trudged, bearing this curious lit
tie culinary article alternately in bis hand and
under his arm. Unfortunately, the daY was
warm, the way long, and the gentleman fat, so
that be became heartily tired Of bis burden be.
fore be had got halfway home. Under these
distressing circumstances, it struck him, that
if, instead of carrying the pot awkwardly at
one side Of bis person, he were to carry it on
bis head, the burden would be greatly tighten
ed /: the principles Of natural philosophy,
which be had learned at college, informing
him, that when load presses directly and i'm.
mediately upon any object, tits far less oner-
Gus thsn when it hangs at the remote end Of
the lever. Accordingly, dofhing bis hat, which
be resolved to carry home in his hand, and
having applied his handkerchief to bis brow
be clapped the pot 10 an inverted fashion, up
on bis head, where, as the reader may suppose,
It figured much as Mem5Tino's helmet upon
the crazed capital Of Don QuixOtte, only a
great deal more magnificent in shape and d.
mensions There was at FIRST much relief and
much comfort In this new mode Of carrying the
pot-but mark the result. The unfortunate
man having taken a hy-path to avoid obssrvs-
tion, found himself, when still a good way
from home, under the necessity Of leaping over
a ditch, which intercepted him in passing from
one field to another. He jumped but surely
no jump was ever taken so completely in, or at
least into, the dark, as this.
The conclusion given 70 his person in de-
scending, caused the helmet to become a hood;
the pot slipped down over bis face, and
resting with its rim upon bis neck, stuck fast
there-enclosing bis whole head completely.
What was the worst Of all. the pose, which
had permitted the pot TO slip down over it,
withstood every desperate attempt on the part
Of its proprietor to make it slip up again; the
contracted part or neck Of the paterG being Of
such a peculiar formation as to cling fast to
The base Of the nose, although it had found no
difficulty in gliding in this hypothenuse. Was
ever man in a worse plight? Did ever any
man so efectually hoodwink himself, OF SO
thoroughly shut his eyes TO the plain light Of
nature? What was 70 be done? The place
was lonely-the way difficult and dangerous
human relief was remote, almost beyond
reach. Il was impossible even to cry for help.
Or, il a CRY was uttered, it might reach in
deaiening reveTberation the ear OF the utterer,
but it would OF travel twelve inches farther in
case, the unhappy sufferer soon found great
difficulty in breathing. What with the heat
oceasioned by the beating Of the sun on the
metal, and what with the frequent return Of
the same heated air TO the lungs, be was in the
utmost danger Of sufocation. Every thing
considered, it seemed likely that, IL be did not
chance to Sc relieved by some accidental way
farsr. there would soon be death IN The pot.
Tie instructive love Of life, however, is on
ni-prevslent; and even very stupid people have
been found when put to the push BY strong
and imminent peril, to exhibit degree OF
presence Of mind and exert degree of energy
far above what might have been expected from
them, or what they were ever known to exhibit
or exert, under ordinary circumtances. So it
was with the pot ensconced Mr.. L., Of
c.. Pressed By the urgency Of bis distress,
be fortunately recollected that there was a
smiths shop, at the distance OF about half a
mile, across the fields, where, II be could
reach it before the period Of sufocation, be
might possibly find relief. Deprived Of bis
eve sight, be could only act as a man Of feel
ing, and went on as cautiously as be could,
with bis hat IN his hand. Half crawling, half
sliding, over ridge and fnrTow, ditch and hedge,
tFe unhappy man Travelled, with all possible
speed as nearly as be could guess, in the di-
rectiOn Of the place Of refuge. leave i to
the rsader TO conceive the surprise, the mirth,
the infinite amusement Of the smith, and all
the hangers-on Of the smithg. when at length,
torn and worn, faint and exhausted, blind and
breathless, the unfortunate man arrived at the
place, and let them know-rather by signs
than By words-the circumstances Of his case.
In the words of an old Scotch song:
@ Ous cane the guide man, and high he shouted,
Out came the gudn wife, and low che i0utedi
AID 81 the town neighbors were gather'd about II;
And there was he, trowl"
The merriment Of the company, however,
soon gave way to considerations Of human
itv. Ludicrous az was the situation Of Mr..
l., with such an object where his head
should have been, and with the feet Of the pot
pointing upward, it was nevertheless neces-
sary that lie should be speedily restored to his
ordinary condition, if it were for no other rea-
son than that be might continue to live. He
was accordingly, at bis own request, led into
the smithy, multitudes docking around to ten
der him their kindest Offices, or to witness the
process Of his release; and having laid down
his head upon the anvil, the smith lost no time
in ssiziRc and posing his goodly fore hammer.
" Will come sair on p exclaimed the consid-
crate man Of iron, " in at the brink Of the
pot % As sair as ye like" was the answer,
"better a chap i the chsfts than dying for
want Of breath" Thus permitted, the man let
faH a hard blow, which fortunately broke the
pot in pieces without hurting the head which
it enclosed, as the cook maid breaks the shell
Of The lobster without bruising the delicate
food within. A few minutes Of the clear air,
and glass from the guide wife's bottle, re-
stored TIE unfortunate rector Of Lanark; but
assuredly the incident Is one that will long live
in the memory Of the Psrishioners OF C.