The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1861-03-26
MADAM SCANDAL.


in the holy bond of wedlock twenty-five years be-
fore. So well was the fact of their con- ugal
happiness known, that they were spoken of far
and near the happiest pair in England Now
the Devil (excuse the abrupt mention of his name
had been trying for twenty years to create what is
called "fuss in the family" between these old
companions. But much to his modification, he
had not been able to induce the old gentleman to
grumble about breakfast being too late, the old
woman to give single curtain lecture.
After repeated efforts the devil became discour-
aged, and had he not been person of great deter
mination he would doubtless have given up the work
in despair. One day. as he walked along in very
surly mood, after another attempt to get the old
lady to quarrel about the pigs getting into the
yard, he met an old woman, near neighbor of the
aged couple. As Mr. Devil and The neighbor were
very particular friends they must needs stop on
the way and chat little.
Good morning, sir" said she sand pray what
on earth makes you look so bad thsslnorning; isn't
the controversy between the churches doing good
service?"
Yes"
"Isn't Deacon w. making plenty of bad whis-
key?"
Eyes"
DWELL, what is the matter, my highly honored
mastery''
"Every thing is going on we'll enough" replied
the devil, "but," and he looked as sour as mon
key a crab-apple tree, 'old Blueford and his
wife over here are injuring the cause terribly by
their bad exam pie, and after trying for years to
get them to do right, must say i consider them
hopeless"
The bag stood moment in deep thought. care
you sure you have tried every way?'
every way 1 can think Of"
"Are you certain
ayes"
"Well," replied she, ''if you will promise to
L.. - -.
/ succeed will make the attempt myself, and see
if can't raise quarrel between them"
To this reasonable request the devil gladly as
scented. The old bag went her way to old Blue
ford's house. and found Mrs. Bueford busy enga-
ged in getting things ready for her husbands COM
fort on his return from work. After the usual
compliments had passed, the following dialogue
took place:
"Well, friend b., you and Mr. b. have lived a
long time together"
"Five-and-twenty years, come November re-
piled Mrs. b
'And all this time you have never had a
quarrel"
mot ONE
81 am truly glad to hear it," continued the hag;
81 consider it my duty to you, though this
is the case, you must not expect it to be always.
Have you not observed that of late Mr. B. has
grown peevish and sullcn at tmcs?"
GA very little so" observed Mrs Blueford
81 knew it," continued the bag, "and let me
warn you to be your guard"
Mrs. b. did think she had better do so, and
asked advice as to how she should manage the |
case.
"Have you not noticed" said the hag, chat
your husband has bunch of long harsh hair
growing on a mole under his chin on the side of
his throat?'
eyes"
"These the cause of the trouble, and as long
as they remain you had better look out. Now, as
friend, l would advise you to cut them off the
first time you get a chance, and thus end the trou-
ble"
Soon after this the bag started for home, and
made it convenient to meet Mr. B. on his way
Much the talk in relation to his domestic
happiness passed between him and the old wo-
"But, friend Blueford, said she, Il think it my
duty as christian, to you to be your
guard, for | tell you, your wife intends your
ruin"
Old Mr. B. was very much astonished yet he
could not wholly dscredit her words When he |
reached home he threw himself OF bed in per
plexity, and feiened himself to sleep studied |
the matter over in his mind. His wife, thinking
this good opportunity for cutting off the obnox-
ious hair took her husbands razor and crept soft
ly to his side. Now the old lady was very much .
frightened at holding razor so close to her hus
bands neck, and her hand was not so steady as ii |
once was so, between the two, she went to work |
very awkwardly and pulled the hairs instead of
cutting them off. MIR B. opened his eyes and there
stood his wife with a razor at his throat After
what had been told him. and seeing this he could !
not doubt but that she intended to murder him
He sprang from the bed in horror and no ext Lana
ton eutreaty could convince him to the contra
ry so from that time there was jaw, jaw, quarrel |
aud wrangling all the time.
With delight the devil heard of the faithful
emissary, and sent her word if she would meet |
him at the end of the lane at certain time, he |
would pay her the shoes. AT the appointed time
she repaired to the spot, and found the devil at
the place. He put the shoes on the end of pole, !
and standing on the opposite side of the fence, |
handed them over to her. She much pleased !
with them, they were exactly the article. /
"But there is one thing, Mr. Devil, that | would .
like to have explained; that is, why did you hand
them to me stick!'
"Very easy to explain" replied he. "Any one
who has the cunning and meanness to do as you
have done, don't get nearer than twenty feet of
me-" So saying he fed in terror.
After while the old woman died, and when /
she applied for admittance to the lower regions /
the devil would not let her in, for fear she might
dethrone him, as she was so much his superior. |
So the old woman isyet condemned to wander over
the world, and creating quarrels and strife in |
peaceful families and neighborhoods
Would you know her name?