The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1861-01-23
NUMBER 3.
Arteinus Ward and Old Abe.

dent elect and Ar,emns Ward The latter
finds Mr.. Lincoln rersecuted by applicants
for Office, and describes The means by which
re clears the premesis
''Good Lord ~ cried Old Abe, s'they cum
upon me from the skze-down the chin.
neys, and from the bowels of the yearth !"
He hadn't nore'h got them words out os
his delIkil mouth before two fat offs seek
ers from Wisconsin, in eDdeverin 10 crawl
aiween his legs for the purpose of applyin
Tor the ,oll-gateship at Milwawky, upset
the President eieck & he would hev gone
sprawln into the fire. place ef hadn't caut
him in these arms But ] hadn't more'n
stood him up strate, before another man
cum crashin down the chimney, his he'd
sirikin me viently ayin the The iaards and
prostratin my voluploous form ONTO The floor
"Mr Linkin," shouled the nfalooated bein,
"my papers is signed by every clergyman
in our town, & likewise The skoolmasier 10
Sez |, you egrejs ass" gittin up g. brush.
IN he dust from my iZe, 'ill sign Your
papers with this bunch of bones, eff you
don't be little more keerful how you
make my bread basket depot in The fuiut.
How do you like that air pefluhery - seq
], shuving my fist under his noze 'Them's
the kind of papers III give you Them's
The papers you want
But workt hard for the ticket toiIed
night aud Gay The pairii should be re-
watded ~
"Virloo," sed I, holdin the infatootsd
man by the cote collar, s'vinoo, sir, is its
own reward. Look al me-" He did look
at me, and qualed be4 my gaze. ''Tne fact
Isl" | coniinnered, lcokin ro1nd upon the
hungry crowd, there is scarcely a offiss
| Tor every lie lamp carried round durin this
campain. wish thare was | wish thare
! was turin missions 10 be filled OIL varius
lonely Islands where eppydemics rage in
! cessantly, and eff | was in Old Abe's place,
! I'd send every mothers son OF you TO them
| What air you here tor ?" | continnered,
/ warmin up considerable, "cdn't YOU see
/ he's worried most TO death Go home, you
miserable men, go home and Till The sile
/ Go 10 biiin sope-stuf sassengers-black
boots-git clerkshiP on sum respectable
manure cart-go round as original Swiss
Bell Ringers-becum original and only
/ Cmpbell Minstrels-go 10 lecturin at so dol
lars niie-imbark in the peanut biziness-
1orlte for the Lsdger-saw off your legs and
go round given concerts, with techn ap-
I Peals 10 charitable public, printed on your
handbils-anything for an honest Twin, but
don't come round here driven Old Abe
crazy by your oulrajns suItins upl
Go home. Stand uot upon the order of
your goin, but go at onct Ef in FIVE minits
from this time" seq |, pullin out my new
sixteen dollar huutin cased watch, and
brandishin 1t before their eyes "Ef in 5
minits from this time a single sole Of you
remains on these hear premesis, I'll go out
TO my cage near by, and let my Boy Con-
siruco or loose s. eff he gifts among you,
you'll think Old Solietno has cum agin and
no mistake ~ You ought 10 hev seen them
scamper, Mr.. Fair. They run orr as the
Salun hsself was arer them with red hot
ten pronged pilchfork. In 5 minutes the
premesis was clear.
"How kin ever repay you, Mr. Ward,
for your kindness !'' sed Old Abe, advancIu
and shakin me warmly by lhe hand. Glow
kin ever repay you, sir %
"By giviu The whole country a good,
sound administration. By porein lie upon
the troubled waters, North and Sonth By
Pursooin patriotic, firm and Just course,
and then ef any Stale wants 10 secede, let
'em Sesesh y;
How bout my Cabnt Ministry Mr.. Ward,'
sed Abe.
"FllI it up with Showmen sir! Show
men is devoid of polotcs. They haiu'I got
darn principle: They know how 10 cater
to the public. They know what the public
wants, North s. South. Showmen, sir, is
honest men. Ef sou doubt their literary
} ability, look at their pos:ers, and see small
bills. Ell you want Cabnit as is Cabnit,
fill it up with showinen, hot don't call on
NE! The moral wax fgger perfeshun
musn'l be permitted TO go dows while
, there's drop OF blood in these veins A.
Linkin, | wish you well Ef Powers or
! Walcuu was 10 pick out a model for beau
tiful man, | scarcely think they'd sculp you;
but ef you do the fair hing BY your country
you'll make as putty an angel as any of us g,
or any other man A. Liukin, use the
} talents which nature has put into you ju-
} dshusly and firmly and all will be well
, A. Linkin, adoo n
He shook me cordyuIly by the hand-we
; exchanged picturs, SO we could gaze upon
each others liuiments when far away from
one an ulher-he al the hellum of the ship
, of State, and al the hellum OF the show
bizniss-admiiance only Is cents.
ARTEMus WARD.
W. :; . -. q, -, -: .,;. I:l.L