Pomeroy weekly telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy, Meigs County, Ohio) 1860-1866, 1861-11-01
Women and the War.
BY DoESTICKS.

One reason why i: is difficult to please
a woman is, that she seldom knows her
self what she wants. In most cases it is
as hard to satisfy woman as it would
be to content captain who would set
you to steer his ship, and wouldn't tell
you whether ne wanted to 60 to Jersey
or Japan. They aeont be satisfied what
ever You may do.
Especially in the matter of war.
Particularly in the matter Of the
present war. Your wife, or mother, or
sister, or whoever may be the woman
that owns you, refuses to be content, no
matter what you DO. Ii you don't join
a military company, she sulks, insinu
ates that you are coward, turns up her
nose, and wishes she were man" Ii
you do join said company, she scolds
about the ''expense," grumbles at the
''loss Of time, )" and growls whenever you
go to driIl-though, in spite of her
growing, she always saves the choicest
part Of the dinner for you when you do
come home
Then she laughs at you and calls you
a "dressed-up monkey the first time
she sees you in uniform; and then, as
soon as you are gone ont Of the house,
she rushes over to Mrs. Jones to tell
what "splendid officer" her husband
is, and how ''Eagniticent' he looks in
his new military dress.
Then, if your regiment is ordered
away, and you insnuate that business
affairs will keep you at home, all her
fire is blazing in an instant and she up
braids you for 'backins out" at the
critical moment, and insinuateS that you
are play boy soldier and then she
wishes she were man-she'd show
folks how to fight Then, when you
fnally make up your mind to go to the
seat Of war, she bursts into wet tears
(Which spot your new inform and tar
nish the gold lace on your sleeves, and
thinks you ought to DC ''ashamed to go
IF and leave your family" She vows
she don't believe you care a straw for
your wife, or cent for your children;'
she knows you would rather be any
where than at home, and wishes she
were man, she'd teach the President
better than to send men away from their
| families.
| Then when the day comes for you to
start, she vows she'll never speak to you
again if yoa persist in going. Then
when you take a paper out of your
pocket, and pretend to read furlough
from the commandant, excusing you
and giving you leave to stay at home,
she throws her apron over her head,
sits down on the floor and howls aloud,
to think she should have coward for a
husband-that her ''husband should
be afraid to go to the wars" And then
when you tell her that it's all a mista ke,
and that you are going after all, she
howls founder than ever. because she
"knoNs that you'll be killed." or she
feels it in her bones that you'll come
home with two wooden legs, and then
! how can you take her to the Academy
on Opera nights? Then she resorts in
turn to every one Of the immense lists
of female tactics to keep you at home
she sweeps, she banters, she pokes fun
at you-she "wishes she was man.
she gets mad-she sulks-she threatens
to 60 home to her mother-she coaxes
she won't ever live with you another
day y'-she scolds, she entreats, and as q
last resort, she faints-in this case she
always falls into your arms if you make
an effort to catch her; if you don offer,
and if its early in the morning, and she
hasn't made her bed yet, she'll fall on
the bed; but if the bed is made I'D
nicely, she falls on the carpet so as not
to muss the bed; but if the fainting
dodge don't work, and you still are re-
solved to SO, she VOWS she ''hates you,
and that she'll never speak to you
again, and then to prove the bitterness
Of her hate. she goes off and packs your
haversack full Of all the daiataies and
delicacies Of the season; then, after all,
at the very last moment, she comes and
throws her arm around your neck, and
whispers that she cloves you best of all
the world" and that "she'll take such
good care of the children and that
she'll ''write every blessed day." and
that you "must write just as often as
you can" and that she cloves you best,
best, best" and thousand other little
messages only for you, but all kind and
loving, and all told without tear, for
she doesn't cry until you are out of the
house; then when you are gone, she
weeps like a shower bath for half an
hour, then suddenly stops short, wipes
her eyes, and doesn waste another tear
ill she sees you again.
That's the way they all do: and, talk
as peacefully as you may, she is never
satisfied in her heart till she sees her
husband in uniform.