Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-10-26
THE DAILY PRESS.
WIT AND WISDOM.

The following is q good story ABOUT
clergyman who lost his horse one Saturday
evening. After hunting in company with
boy until midnight, he gave up in despair
The next day, somewhat detected at his
loss he went into the pulpit and took for
his text the following passage from Job:
HOh, that l knew where l might find
himp The boy, who had just come in, sup
posing the horse was still the burden of
thought, cried out
"I know where he is-hes in Deacon
Smiths barnW
Old Francis, late Of Chestnut-street, was
a wag, and once, in Washington City, when
early peas were on the table, he emptied
the contents of his snuff-box over them.
"Francis, FrancisP they exclaimed (;
"what are you aboutF
81 like them that way" was the answer
He Of course had the dish to himself, and
when he had concluded, exclaimed,
"You thought it was snuff, did you
Nothing but black pepper"
Not long since, gentleman took his little
daughter to dentist to have tooth ex-
tracted. After the operation, her father
said to her Dr.
"Now, my dear, if you don't put your
tongue where the tooth came out you'll have
gold tooth" To which she replied
"IfI should have one, father, il would not
be long before you would be trying to get
il out"
Joseph the Second, of Austria, was fond
of travelling incognito, and one day he
reached little inn on his route before his
retinue came up. Entering a retiring room
he began shaving himself. The inquisitorial
landlord was anxious to know what post
his guest held about the person of the En-
peror.
az shave him sometimes" was his ma
jesty's reply.
WAR TALK.-The war which is upon us is
the great topic Of conversation in the
streets, the public places, and the family
freside. One young girl, much alarmed at
the idea of her male friends being called
upon to 60 to war, perhaps killed in the
conflict exclaimed, with tears in her eyes
How dreadful it would be to live with
out menr'
They get up model love-letters at Cleve-
land-short, sweet, and spelled upon the
principle of complete secession from diction-
ary rules. Here is one read in court last
week
"Dear-thow abcent not frogottin thares
a good tym cummin waite ittel longer"
A Mr.. Casey, who lives out West" re-
Gently testified in court that the Widow
Manning, who was desperately in love with
him. "not only asked him to marry her, but
when be refused she followed and chucked
bricks at him, and played various games of
that sort Poor Mr.. Casey
At a Methodist prayer-meeting in the
northern part Of York State, a "lukewarm"
brother was called upon to pray. After he
had said Amen" Bill gave John punch
in the short ribs, exclaiming-
"John, let's 90 home. One more such
PRAYER as that would freeze Lake Cham
plain over
"Shall see you home, Miss ?" timidly
stammered youth, one dark night, to a
young lady of his acquaintance, who was
preparing to leave the old school-house.
"No, sir you shan'tW answered the
youthful shrew. ~ can see as far toward
home as you can, rather guess ~
A very tedious fellow annoyed Douglas
JeIrold very much by his everlasting long
stolies, and on one occasion he related hav-
ing heard song by which he was quite
carried away. Douglas, looking round,
asked if any one present could sing that
song.
An English lady, who went to make pur-
chases in Jamaica, accompanied by her
black maid, was repeatedly addressed by
the negro shopman as +" massa )" whereupon
hers able follower exclaimed with look of
infinite contempt
"Why for you speak such bad English
no grammar, sabby? Why for you call my
missus massa Stupid feilah-him's she y
90, Charley" said little fellow to an
other, "we are going to have cupalo on
our house ~
"Pooh that's nothing" rejoined the other,
'Pa going to get mortgage on ours"
Said Stubs to one of his debtors, "isn't
it time for you to pay that little bill 2"
"Why, my very dear sir, it is not ques
tion Of time-it is question Of eternity"
was the consoling reply.
A lady asked her physicians advice
about certain fashionable medicine.
Excellent madam" replied the doctor.
remedies Of this kind are only good for six
months"
Zeke thinks that the beds in certain
tavern in Snooksville.: must have been filled
with lire geese feathers because he felt IA
bOll " NluhlAlA GbONl HILL VIC lhlhh A4ShO
was hum-Jugged
An Indiana paper says that, during a
trial in Lawrence court, young lad who
was called as witness, was asked if he
knew the obligations of an oath, and where
he would 60 if he told a lie. He said he
supposed Che would go where all the law
yers went"
'Pray, sir, said person who had pre-
yiCus!y been the backmost of a crowd, to an
other who had just joined it-''pray, sir,
have the kindness not to press upon me; it
is unnecessary, since there is nobody behind
to press upon youp'
"But there may be presently" said the
other; 'besdes, sir, where's the good of be-
ing in a crowd if one mayn't shove ?"
There may be seen at the present time, in
AlfretOn, a placard from tailor, who, in
calling the attention of the public 10 the
fact he intends commencing clothes club
assures all who may favor him by becoming
members, Of having 'good charges and I
very moderate article,
A quack doctor advertises TO cure, amont
other incurable diseases, Marcobommzzaris
Abdelkader, HippopOtamus, Potato Rot
Hydrostatics, Inflammation of the Abomin
able Regions, Ager Fits, Shakinquaker viz
its, and all kinds of Anniversaries.