davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12

your goln' but 90 to onct. IF in five
minlts from this time,'' sez I, pulin out
my new sixteen dollar huntin case
watch, and brandishin' it before their
eyes, "Ef in five minits from this time
a single sole Of you remains Oh these
here premises, I'll go out to MY cage
near by, and let my Boy Constructor
loose. q ef he gifts among YOU, You'll
think old Solferino has cum aoin g no
mlstake." You ought to have seen
them scamper, Mr. Fair. They run
as tho Satan hisself was artcr them
with q red hot, ten prongel pitchfork.
In five minutes the premises was clear.
Glow kin I ever repay you, Mr..
Ward, for your kindness % scd Old
Abe, aayancin and shabin me warmly
by the hand, 'How kin ever repay
you, STRIP
"By givin the whole country, good,
sound administr ashun. BY pourin' lie
upon the troubled water, North and
South ! BY pursooing a patriotic, firm
and just course, and then if any State
wants to secede, let 'cm se-scsh -
GLOW bout my Cabnit Ministries, Mr..
Ward q sed Abe:
"Fill it with Showmen. sir! Snow
men is devoid Of politics. They hain't
got darn principle! They know how
to cater to the public. They know
what the public wants, North & South.
Showmcn, sir, is honest men. Ef you
doubt their literary ability, look at
their posters, and sec small bills Ef
you want Cabinet as is q Cabinet,
fill it up with shoWmen, but don't call
upon ne. The moral wax ti9gor per-
feshun mustn't be permitted to go down
while there's q drop Of blood in these
vans. A. Linkin, I wish you we'll !!
EFF Powers or Walcutt was to pick out
a model for beautiful man, I scarcely
think they'd sculp you: but eff you DO
the fare thing by your country you'll
make as putty a angle as any Of us, or
any other man; A. Linkin, use the tai
ents which Nature has put into you .iu-
dishusly and firmly, and all viii be
we'll. \. Linkin, adoo!''
He shuk me cordyully by the hand
we exchanged picters, SO that We could
gaze upon each others liniments when
far away from one anothcr-he at the
hellum~of the ship Of State, and I at
the hellum Of the show bizniss--admit-
tance only Is cents.
ARTEMrs WARD.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12
From Vanity Fair.
Artenlas Ward on his Visit to Abe
Lincoln.

49, ~. ?,
~, ~, NO 3o:,tloa "' ~ q o''G' Ia
,'oI = I' III 'I'o o"sa.'e'1 !, 40 1 sPonc
Sllon''' G'o'l'1 81 usy lo15ol III 1le S',eeI' ,
m a. ,.:1 nfoin ,I,,i y, - "n - n9I>s 'ano ;,,'ol
7 sba,Id 90 - tl,o p,ln o,I,, 7 .hn,l1
.+a,, tI,or. Il 49,, ch|,,ii go ~ -
,Lat w nan.,n, ,,il 'o. ,han ,3,,I " ~
c,rr;a,:ot - t,I,o ~ no 1, ,'r;a,,Io" "41''o 4Ia
t;r,, a91 ITO ;n1;,rnont Xxx ~ ai,a,i1
hn nn (r,or1 ar;G f.,nI ' nn1 s;.h T
should bo on tIe loorS ont for tbn ;,f,
nous lies Of the cncmv oot M lest be-
1 cleLshuo for norjitirIe SHhcl. WV,
a.,l v,os n,nr arl NV co,lvla+o ,,o,
n,nctoJ shnnIl n5o~c hay;n~ an1
artbNnptiI oct or;I;ro nh;,5 nf 7
Jidn,t o;f ori1;n9 T shnnIl t,rn ro1n6
and ab0oze the Ajm;nistra slI1 with III
NV mite and mainr Bnt I'm nnt in
the L;snisS Tn j., f,r ,>,oro ,asnanf.
FIJI h;sn;ys nor What ,nIa,.t;.s :,
,,,a,,II,,,t ly;,.n 49,, a',,+.i - =, ~,
'rnnsnan ,,,.,,. S?rhl, ,,,nNr ;a.,It o'.oI
9a;oI "o,.;,, ,,, acr,I
in,>;n od ~ ''u o ~ ~ VII. rn f>r 12 1,9 ','
1.ta, -. ,,,ll. t,l ,',' ~
,JI VA -" - +h ny % l,,v'%.5 ~, 'oTtes' I tti
~ S:o"p ~ INV 'I .''e' NY '''i II
most ,tf otf,icst IS tomas % ond tbor ,oNo ~
.o..,,4 ~ ~ 1,o +r;aa1 ,l ,,,;t,, gT f;T,o,' w.
WASH W " t''''su Will neS
siunNeo oUI ol sue 70 onct.
lhere+' h"Nil nc poleI!icS' 1 mace
0oi" 70 WIS" Gns Ao9 ~ hlS n',nStIu Il IS III
SSprihShGid' lo''lo 'he oio lelIer IN
his parler, surfounded by 4 perfect
swarm OF oflflce seekers hnoWlng ne
had been caPtin OF nat boat on the
roarln M'sslsslppi / thousht IA aq'
dress hl1n IN q sallor lingo, so sez l,
"Old Aoe ahoy Let out yer mahe
sulls, reef hum yer 4castel u thro yer
glib poop over board Shlver my TIM
berS my harty !! n. b--lhls IS GIN
ulnc marfinher lahS"ldSe. Know:
becaws I've seen sailor plays acted out
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12

s8@The Liverpool Times says the
cotton manufacturing is becoming she
greatest power in England, perhaps ir
the world. The men engaged III it
are making fortune, almost by a leap.
In wealth they far succeed the old
feudal ar'istocracy, and every estate,
nowadays, which finds its way into
the market is snatched up eagerly by
some pavenue cotton spinner, the
length Of whose purse goes a great
way to atone for the brevity of his
pedigree.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12
a&atin8 as an Amusement.
The following is the most truthful
sketch Of the
perils that do enrirn

/ 'oii'H ~ IL Tue most Truthful
sketch Of the
=" perils that do environ
Inc man who NEEDLES with cold i-ce."
that we have seen this many a day.
IL IS the experience Of the Milwaukee,
F'0o Democrat man. He says:
We, with the assistance of q friend
tHed Oh the skates and stood erect.
! like a BARRIERS pole. Encouraged bv
the sight Of some ladies on the BRIDGE
looking at the skaters, we struck ont
a slant to the right with the richt foot
a slant to the left with the left foot
and just then we saw something on
the lce, aud stopped over to pick it up !
On or feet again-two slants to the
right and one to the left, accompanied
with loss Of confidence. Another
stride with the right foot, and we sat
down with fearful rapidity, and very
little, if any elegance! What set
down that was, for We made dent in
the ice net unlike Connect lieut. lpttcr
oo"l! ,t:,;;st then one OF the ladies re-
lnarked---" On, look, Mary, that fcller
with the white hat amt got his skates
on the right place - Ditto thought
We. Just then a ragged little devil
sang out as he glided past us-"HoUo,
| 0h( 5j}n5er legs :" and we arose sudden
ly and put after him. Three slides to
the right--tWo to the left, and away
went our legs, one 10 the East the 9th
er to the West, causing an immense
iisSuro IN onr pants, and another pic
turc OF 4 butter tray i'll the cold-0b !
h01e c0W ice is !-thcn the Iady-we
knew she was one by the remark she
made-"Oh, look, Mary, that chap
with the white hat has sot down on his
handkerchief to keep from catching
coldn' We rose about as gracefully
as d saw horse, when Mary said
"guess 'taint a handkerchief, Jane" p
and Mary was right. It want hand
kerchief-not a bit Of it. Just then a
friend came along and proffered Us his
coat tail as "steadier." We accept
ed the continuation Of his garment,
and up the river we went about ten
rods, when u shy to the right by the
scont "a, -, +a2nan+ "1- l,oc1u ~, - ~
tho ioo : W, 1orr- o"?i tI'; ,h; - llseio up Ut
ssITGlio n1i ooa1. I"i,' - 5',,o 1a,, Ss''so"
uo7 ;n,r U;, 'o11 1 o"'.9 oo' 'ilaG I'sgs
2oan ,to .I.' 81 ''+,r, '1le, GIIesS
., With fottoT sI1naass %Iss ll,' PnnI ',,Iv,,l. =
had s1'a+a1 =, ,~s~,.1:a ''I'"5'' ne we
fnnn faa+ ,,ha, PLI,'1's'' P1S'nTl,:9 10y ~, IL
con1o 1,n I.7;DI on1 ,o r,,',,e'1' rot I ''S C.4P
on,. t;,1 ha3 ';'',. u" "a: w -" L III,
(,' a S.'1,a ',I>'e. l''l'5N % H. Ills la'r%'!o q
H,n1t A. +" o''1 i' ~ ~ , I'7': II ~ al hl$
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12

LONGEVITY OF ANTNALs.-Thc av-
eragc age Of cats, is Is years; a squir-
rel or years rabbits, 7; a bear,
%; dog, 20; wolf, 20; a fox, II
TO 16; lions are long lived, the one
known b. the name Of Pompey, lived
to the age Of 10; elephants have been
known, it is asserted, to live to the
great age cf 400 years. When Alex
ander the Great had conquered Por-
us, King Of India, he captured a great
elephant named Ajax, and let him go,
with this Observation-Disclosures, the
son Of Jupiter, hath dedicated Ajax to
the sun" The elephant was found
with this inscription $50 years after
Pigs have been known to live to the
age of so; the rhinocerus to 20; a
horse to 81, but averages % to 80
camels sometimes live to the age OF
100; sheep seldom exceed IS; COWS
live abont fifteen years. Cuyier says
that whales sometimes live 1000 years
the dolphin and porpus attain SO; an
eagle died at Vienna at the age ofI04;
raveDs frequently reach 100 F; swans
have been known to live 800 years
pelicans are long lived q tortoise has
been known to live to the age Of I07.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12

TTO~y- M Tf1,T T oD---,-r, 80, n
-O " y n.1 -11--'': :, = 1'0-, GIN" o'' 49,
ohoE.-hlShop burnett, III the record
OF his observations IN Italy and SWltzer-
land, states that in Derne thcy have q
novel vav of doalino with ,nafrimoniol
I:s,,,+onts D;ramoao ,.-,,,o c.,,,l,. ..na.,4
N' '''""ts' 101, % 0e' -" - Y o''9 . '''' :
ea' O"C nrSC the apPhc"hVS must 50
through the following test:
4 small room WAS prepared in which
the husband and wife were put--the
door bpinu closed. to remain so for siy
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12
The Hut on the Vacant Lot,

We live in a hut on a vacant lot
Father and mother, and /;
'Tis away up town, and dreary spot,
With old stone quarrics hard by
Father Is lazy, and mother she drinks,
And am ragged and thin,
And look like 4 thief for 'tis hard to be pur,
When circlcd in sin.
"Tis desperate place, this vacant lot,
A region of famine and woe;
The laborcrs found stranglcd child
In the quarrics not long ago
And father is some times out all dav.
Tna comics home staggering at night
WITH money aud things that he hides away,
For he never came by them right
Mother il always at me -
And urges her plea with curse;
She tells me to sneak through the city crowds,
And pocket 4 watch or purse;
And father beats me because say
That I'd rather any day die;
never have robbed and never will rob,
And III tell you tho reason why.
There came to our hoycl three years ago
a man with sweet mild face,
And he held a holy book in his hand
That he tried to read in our place,
But mother she sworc at the mild faced man,
And drove him out Of our den,
And told him never as long as he lived
To darkcn her door again,
But something made me foloy the man,
| think he bcckOnCd to me,
And he led me down to quarry's cleft
Where none of my people could see;
And he read to me things from the holy book
That | never had heard before
And somehow peace came over my heart,
And didn't feel half so sore.
They may curse and beat me as much as they
like,
/ know what thcy don't know;
know that things IN the end come right
For those that suffer below.
No matter how ragged and hungry am,
With no one to like or to love,
[ know there's vacant lot for me
In the beautiful land above.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12

A SWEEPING PLEA.-At q recent
term Of the Supreme Court in Bangor,
the case Of Newcomb VS.. the inhabit-
ants of Newburg, for damages for al
legged defect in the highway, came up
for trial, when the defendant put in
the following specification of defence :
|. No such town as Newburg;
2. No such man as NeHcomb:
5. No road;
4. No hole in the road;
5.No horse ever injured;
6. Horse injured did not belong to
plaintiff;
I. Plaintiffs finger not hurt;
s. Plaintiffs finger hurt two years
before;
9. Plaintiff injured his finger by
pounding it with a rock two years
previous 10 the alleged cause Of action
against the town, in anticipation Of
and preparation for the same.
It is unnecessary to add that the
verdict was for the defendants.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12
$3.50 A YEAR.
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

S-Gravcs are but the prints of the
footsteps OF the angel of eternal life.
He who cannot keep his own &C.
cret ought not to complain if others tell
| it.
-."Sir, you have broken your prom
ise." ooh, never mind, | can make
another just as good"
-Iolltlclans-two men struggling
IN an arena to see who can get hit
with the most rotten eggs.
"A wise man may be pinched bv
poverty, but only fool will let himself
be punched by tight shoes.
Carlyle says, "Mako yourself An
honest man, and then you may be sure
there ls one less rascal in the world.n
The dying advice of the Empress
Dowager of Russia is reported to have
been-"don't Alegander, make any 81.
lance with Austria.
-Ptuch says the reason editors are
sc apt to have their manners spoiled. is
because they receive such vast num-
Der Of 'evil communications"
-Beecher says of halfway men
"lhey are no use-they can never get
to heaven-they are not known in he'll
and are not wanted on EARTH"
Mrs. Hollyhock thinks it very
strange that the rising or falling of q
little quicksilver in a glass tube should
have such an effect on the weather.
Why is a man climbing up Mount
Nesuvius like an Irishman who wishes
to kiss his sweetheart? Because he
wants to get at the mouth of the "cra-
ter"
-"Why is it, husband, that when,
ever we send for a pound of tea or cofL
fee to the grocer, it falls an ounce
short" ooh, It's just wesqA he
has"
"A man lately put his dog to bed
and kicked himself down stairs. He
did not discover the mistake until next
morning, when he chased q cow and
couldn't bark.
fare you in love Mary ?" eyes
JASON" GLOW much ?'' "WcII. I
don't know exactly, but should think
about five feet or thereabout, for feel
it all overish."
-SDad have you been to the muse
um?n said ten year old
"No, my son-''
"W ell, go and mention rny name TO
the keeper, and he'll take yos round
and show you everything"
1t IS reported that tire Prince saM
to fair partner at the Ball in ST. Lon
Louls-"Miss, don7t YOU think my
moustaches are beeoss5lngr' TO
which Miss repIIetf-esWsIE, s5r, they
may be coneang, brsa they haven't Ye.
arrived"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-01-12
A poor Tilted blade Says

Wonanfs love is like Scotch snaf
You get one pinch, and that's enough.
Whereupon darkey Of more sense,
as we'll as soul, responds:
Woman's lub, like ingv-rubber.
1t stretch de more de more you lub her.
"A husband advertises thus: "My
wife, Maria, has strayed or been stol-
en-. Whoever returns her will get his
head broke. AS to trusting her, any
body can do so if they see fit; for az I
never pay my own debts, it is not like
ly III pay her'n."
The following. beautiful stanz. is
copied from young lady's album: ::
"Fare made, when Bhold urc face,
gaze in two ure azure ize, %.
my love is warmed in blaze,
thauts within my buzum rTse
big for mi week tung to utter
which leves mi hart awl in q huttcr"
What is the matter 10, you look 70
nervous.
ooh, [ had to endure a sad trial to, ,
my feelings.'
"What on earth was it %
"Why, | had to tie on pretty girl..
bonnet while her ma was looking or
AN ENTIRE AMERICAN EAGLB.-As,
late Democratic Convention "out
West" n tall, stout delegate, was ae--
costed by a small delegate, "delegate.
sir?" eyes, SIR" "Which wing do.
Won bnIopr To %, GGIV;ro Liz.
phat! Why, sir, 1 am tho whsle
bird -
i plows, ] sows, reaps, = ,news,
| gets up wood for winter; digs, /
hoes, and tators grows, and for aught
| knows | owes the printer. / do sup:
pose all knowledge flows right from
the printingspress SO off l goes, in
these here clothes, to settle up-I
guess.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1861-04-23
A1OI.isiana Intelligence.

The Bienville Banner OF Saturday last gives the
following account of the storm in that region:
1t is scarcely possible to estimate the extent Of
damage done by the late heavy rains. Bridges
have been swept away, roads rendered impassibIe
fencing washed Off, and ncalculable injury done to
crops. From many fields on hill sides the soil was
almost entirely washed away. The growing
young crop i'll many places was almost entirely de.
stroyed by the rain and the hail. One-thrd OF the
crop of corn will be to rcplant, and the ground re
bedded for cotton.
The Catahoula Independent of Wednesday last
says
A heavy frost was plainly visible to early riscrs
yesterday morning This together with the cold
nights now prevalent will prove dampner to the
young and tender vegetation. Damages to cotton
will likely be reported next week.
The Clinton Democrat of Saturday last has the
following
A young man named Henry Danziesy, an en-
ployGe Oh the Clinton and Port Hudson Railroad
came to his death, on Saturday last, by the acci-
dental discharge of shot gun. He was standing
on a hand car with the gun in his hand, when it
slipped from his grasp and striking against the
end of the car, exploded the charge, which entered
under his chin, passing directly through his head
causing Instantaneous death.
The IberviIle Sentinel of Saturday says:
1t is not in the memory of the oldest inhabant
that the crops of cane, cotton and corn promised
a more fruitful harvest than they do at present. Il
is the same with fruits, with potatoes, and witt
everything else that wise creator has adapted
for the consumption and benefit Of us ALL
The Tensas Gazette of Friday last SAYS.
Old and experienced planters in Tensas say
that the prospects for large crops have never been
known to be better at this of the year thar
they are the present spring. With the exception
Of spme stiff black soil, where the last beating
rain has retarded the coming up of cotton, the
stand throughout the parish is excellent, and the
corn looks larger and healthier, and promises bet
ter than ever before in the month OF April
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1861-04-23
Texas Intelligence.
The Galveston News of Saturday saws:

The Galveston News of Saturday says
From our Austin letter it will be seen that Gov
Clark has received Secretary Walkers requison
for 5000 men, the quota of Texas in the army OF
1880 men President Davis determined week
ago to raise. Two companies are to be armed and
equipped as Artillery; the remainder of the com.
panles will be lDfantry They are to be in instant
readiness to move. The Governor will issue his
call at once.
The State Gazette has authority for saying that
5000 men are in readiness to obey any order the
Governor may issue.
The San Antonio Ledger of the 10th inst says:
In San Saba and the adjacent countless we learn
that the rains have been very heavy, and that the
wheat crop promises so abundantly, that the price
cannot range above fifty cents. In our own county
Of BeXar, there have been general rains though
in some neighborhoods quite heavy, yet in the
immediate neghborhood OF San Antonio the show
ers have been limited; indeed, we need much more
than we have received.
The Matagorda Gazette of the 18th says:
On Sunday night we had very fine rain, that
was much needed, for we learn previous to it the
cotton was dying for the want Of rain. The rain
was general as far as we heard from.
The Columbia Democrat of the 10th says:
The long looked for rain came on Sunday night,
and did great good as far as it went. We tear
that it not general
Our blr. Preston, just returned from tour in
BrAzora, Wharton and MatagOrda countless reports
the crops backward about two weeks, but in good
condition and promising well.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1861-04-23
Ueh Orleans Qaitg Crescent.
HARPER'S FERRY.
TUESDAY MORNING, APRIL %, 1861.

The scene of the John Brown raid was the other
day. the scene of different performance. The
ETginians, instead of defending themselves against
an Abolition foray, seized the arsenal from the
agents of the Abolition Administration at Wash.
ington, and now hold it in the name of the Con.
federate States of the South
Harper's Ferry is an important strategetic
point. 1t is situated at the junction of the She
nandoah and Potomac rivers, where the latter
rushes through gap in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
1t is place 80 hemmed in by nature as to be
dificuit of attack. The seizure of the arsenal
there, and the establishment of military post, ia
an event scarcely less important and valuable than
the capture of Fort Sumter.
Besides this, we have gained arms and munitions
OF war which are exceedingly valuable and much
needed We get one thousand Minnie rifles, some
guns of heavy caliber, and an immense quantity of
gnnpowder. This last was especially needed in
Virginia, most of the powder in that State having
been sent to South Carolina to be used in the re-
duction Of Fort Sumter. We also get the com.
mand of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad which
passes through Earper's Ferry, and crosses the
river there on bridge, to the extent of being able
to stop Abolition troops from Pennsylvania and
Ohio, and prevent them from going down to
Washington City. Virginia has done good thing
in getting possession of this important point.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1861-04-23
= K v A T ES
THE LADIES MEETING YESTERDAY

The call for meeting of ladies to get up a
grand Military Fair, was largely responded to- yes
terday forenoon. The large parlor (the lades') at
the St. Charles Hotel, WAS crowded. Some three
hundred ladies were there, representing the lowell
ness, wealth, and fashion of the city. They con-
ferred together with the greatest good spirit; sew
eral made enthusiastic speeches. which were much
app'auded by the pretty goVed hands of the
audience.
The ladies were not long in organizing the Fair.
It is to be held at Odd Fellows Hall, on next Fri
day and Saturday evenings; and the proceeds villa
be for the purpose of clothing and eqYipping the
brave who go to the wars. The applications Of
ladies' to keep tables at the Fair were 40 numerous,
that had all been received, it would require four
times as large hall as the Odd Fellows to ac-
commodate them. Many ladies offered their ser
vices in preparing fancy articles for the Fair
others offered themselves and their sewing ma
Chimes and the aid Of their families in sewing ur
soldier clothes altogether ii was mosa notable
meeting, worthy of the kind hearts and patriotic
spirit of the ladies composing it.
A committee OF four ladies was appointed to
solicit subscriptions TO defray the expense of get
ting up the Fnjy. The noble creatures Immediately
set about thclr work. We heard that one collected
$500 in as many hours, and that she expects II
have raised $1,000 by this evening, After this whit
| won't say Cod bless the ladies The Fair will
without doubt be the grandest yet held in this city
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1861-04-23

Company 3 Of the Crescent Rifles is faH. The
officers were elected last night. The list e IN an
other column. This company is another draft apoE
the flower of our New Orleans youth.
The Yigilant Guards is the title of new home
company which has been organized. The mem.
bers are mostly fireaen belonging to Vigilant No
}. The officers arc, F. J. Boudec, Captain Z.
Maurer Foreman of No. 81, First Lieutenant; and
Charles Emard, Second Lieutenant. They are
good men and bricks, all of them.
Gen. Tracy's Brigade, composed of eight or ten
of our best and largest uptown volunteer com
panies, has been rendered to the service of the
Confederate States. This is an important tender.
Last night was beautiful moonlight night, and
the new companies were drilling and marching in
all parts of the city. The fife and drum could be
heard everywhere