Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1861-06-28
nARRIAGE ENGAGEMENTs.

There are two things which almost every
one finds it difficult to do easily and with grace,
One is for man to announce orally that he is
going to be married, and the other is to con
graduate him. Why the announcement should
cause embarrassment is obvious. However
proud the happy lover may feel in his hearti be
knows that by saying he is going TO be married
he at least exposes himself to the criticism OF
friendly curiosity. The friend to whom the an
nouncement is made has also many reasons for
feeling little nervous. Not being foreign
er, he cannot throw himself on bis friends neck
and have goodblubber, and be must conhne
his eougratulations within the limits Of Englsh
reserve. The surprise and the oddity OF the
thing. again. often 0verpower every deeper feel
ing for The moment, and even The sincerest and
warmest friend has been known to receive the
affecting intelligence with no other answer than
one long peal Of laughter And there IS also
a deeper cause Of embarrassment. It is for the
person to whom the news is impaired to con-
tinue the conversation. He ntdst ask some
thing, and what is be to ask? So far as the
ladys name goes, aud the place Of her residence,
all is straightforward. But what is to come
next? It is absurd to ask whether she is pref
ty for it is painful to the lover if he Is honest,
to have to say she IS not; ;and if he says she is,
every one sets it down as natural delusion.-
Delicaey equally forbids apy inquiries as to her
money. It IS taking so very marketing view
TO look at the affair of friends heart as a
mere bargain. The ouly obvious and unexcep-
tionable question is to ask whether it is to be
soon, and to hear whether there is to be an en-
gagement or an immediate marriage, If there
is to be no engagement the hero is thought
more fortunate than ever. Not to wait at all,
but to go5in at once to connubial happiness
aud the smoOthest Of all possible loves, is con
sidered great tFiamphg The best Imaginable
lot is wheu5a maa has nothing to do but to
hang up his hat in bis wife's house. Anything
like an engagement is a diminution Of the glo
ry Of matrinony. Engagements are. romantic,
but they are not business-like. and friends al
ways take a remarkably ,businesslike view Of
each others marriages; or, if they do not do so
really, at any rate they pretend to do SO, in or
der that their reputation as smart, worldly Pec-
pie may not accidentally suffr. s.-...-
engagements, however. are really the natur-
al consequences of the modern theory of mar
.riage, which sapposes that unions spring from
affection based on compatibility Of temper
tastes, and principles. Long engagements are.
in their way. bad things, bat they are jastiiiA
bic bad things. II two persons lore each 9th.
err and love is the one great thing in their
lives that makes their lives valuable-it is very
difficult to show that they Go not gain by long
enga cement. II is said that the girl loses the
best years of her life, aud wastes away without
the happiness and respectfully of being mar
ried Observations like, this clearly proceed
from the secret belief that one man would real
" do as well for her as another. But this is
not SO, where the heart trnly and sincerely
loves. No man or womai of a really tender
and constant nature, and once absorbed in
great passion, either refused to enter on \ long
engagement. or regretted having formed one.
The lovers themselves certainly profit by
an engagement of some moderate length pre-
ceedir,g marriage It is not only that they learn
to know each other, and have opportunities OF
seeing whether the desired harmony really ex-
lists, bat many finer feelings never blossom al
all if marriage Immediately follows or chancc
acouaintanceship. The uiceties Of courtship are
superseded by this lcYellcg rapidity. In the
first place there are no letters, or, at any rate
none worth speaking Of There is smack OF
furniture and dress about the correspondence
of couple that will not condrsGend to wait
Now, on all the principles of romance and poe
try, letters are among the choicest flowers Of
love. They express feelings which would be
nipped in the bud if they were not put on pa
per. Receiving a love-letter is undoubtedly a
sensation, and very pleasant sensation, and
why should it not be experienced? Probably
many engagements are shortened purposely, be
cause one, or both, of the parties are conscious
that they have nothing to say. But real lovers
eau go on for pages, and, what is more, eau
bear to read the pages they receive
A loyer-a truly happy, ardent, passionate
lover, eau stand crossing and scented notc-pa-
per, and both are trials to the male heart in its
natural state. Poetry, too, orght to be writ
tenor at least there ought to be songs with
out words passing to and fro. Young people
cannot be much in lovo if they do not have
@imagiuings." But if they are to be married
Immediately, poetry is quite out of place. If
wife is "a bargain" no one who has just paid
earnest for her is likely to sing hymns to her
The Arab wrote his pretty verses to the horse
he supposed he was going to lose, and not to
the one that was just being trotted to his tent.
There appears to US TO be no answer to this ar
gument in favor Of engagements" The pleas
ure they offer is one which marriage Goes not
offer; therefore, to forego it is to lose something
and the something that is lost is the very thing
which is supposed to be the leading character
istic of English matches. If every one went
through the love vicissitudes of novel, there
would be no necessity for an engagement. If
there was always a stern father who interfcrcd
exactly when a passion had been formed, if the
parted couple were being continually thrown
together by the most astonishing coincidence,
and ii the sudden wealth and dignity of the
hero ultimately brough every one round, there
would have been plenty of love-making, and
the sooner the parson was applied to the bet
ter But in real life things are tanner. If an
immediate marriage is impossible, it is gene
rally choice between total separation and an
engagement; and if the lovers adopt the latter
course, they gain more by it than they would
have gained by being married immedia :ely--
that is, if they have any taste for the poetica
and any feelings to express. If not, the soon
er they get to paying taxes and fordering din
ner, the less will their course be ruf1sd.
1t is the opinion in high diplomatic circles in
Washington that if Coney Island should secede