The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1861-03-14

complained of
recent philosopher discovers method to
avoid being dunned! ''How?--how?-h howl"
everybody asks Neser rWa ia debt
MY lad, said = lady to boy carrying a
mail bag "are you mail boy?" Eyer dossn't
think I'm female boy, does yerg'
man lately pat his dog to bed and kicked
himself Down stairs. He did not dscoyer the
mistake until the next morning, when he chas-
ed acow and couldn't bark
Men of the noblest dispositions think them.
selves happiest when others share their hapui
ness with them.
! Lazipess begins in cQbwebs ane ends in iron
chains. 1t creeps over a man so slowly and
tImpereeptibly, that he is bound tight before he
knows it.
SOME PUN-KINs.-If during the late cam
Paign Douglas at times lost his equilibrisa bs
always knew when to find his equal Abraha,u
What are Christians two grand erace,,
Faith, that IN retrospective exercise rests upon
u cross and hope, that in prospective feeling
rests upon a crown.
No doctrine isAgood for anything that does
not leave behind it an ETHEREAL furrow. ready
for the planting of seeds which shall spring IN
and bear abundant harvest.
If the Spectator misses his aim. everybody
tcrles out Hes a fool, and sometimes stHe's a
rogue" If ne succeeds, they besiege his door
and demand his daughter in marriage.
An old bachelor having been laughed at by
a party Of pretty girls, told them-'You are
small potatoes!' "We may be small nots-
toes - said one Of them, but we are suest
ones"
A little girl of four years old was recently
called as "a witness in police court. and in
7 answer to the question as to what became of
little girls who told lies, she innocsntly replied
that they were sent TO bed.
Lightning Rod ,Spooner was the m.snest
man out. He begged his last winters wood Of
Ase Gregory, and then tried TO knock sAsa
down because he wouldn't haul it 10 him.
"Bod, is that dog Of ourn pointer" "No
He's half hunter and half setter; he hunts fer
bones when ne is hungry and sets by the stove
when he is satisfied.
A fellow charged in an Indictment with
| stealing a hoe, was discharged upon trial, it
being proved that the article taken was an axe.
Inc matter was regular h0-GT.
PENnrRATING.--AnEn English papenxsys that
IN punching the eyeholes of needles by hand
children, who are the operators, acquire such
de1terlty as to be able to punch human hair,
ana thread it with another for the amusement
of visitors.
Where do the toys come from? From Nm.
remburg those are brought which contain any
metal; the glass come from Bohemia, and the
wooden towns and farms from Grumhainscber
in Saxony.
At the late footing" Of the Emperor of Chi.
ma S Summer Palace, by the allies, not little
slipper was found III any Of the ladies' appart-
ments, from which it may be inferred that the
cramped foot dynasty has toppled over.
A good book has been ikened to q we'll ebo-
sen orchard tree, carefully tended. Its fruits
are net OF one season. Year by year 1t yislds
abundant producs,and often brighetr hue and
flavor.
An exquis;tely Tefyed lady, who regards all
words OF one syllable as lacking gentility re-
Gently expressed the idea that her stove did
not oraw well as follows; "My anthracite con-
sumes mildly"
! A AEAvY DECLIEE.-There has been a heavy
Gechhe IN the price Of horse flesh al Psttsvile,
Pa. The Record says:
''The hard times effect horse flesh as wen as
anything else. Lately horse was sold for
20 ~ which thrse years ago was sold for 80 ;
| Contensment produces, in some measure, ali
these effects which the slchsnist usually as
erloes to what he calls the philosophers stsne;
sho Il 1t does not bring riches, it does the same
Ihlng by banishing the desire of them If it
cannot remove the disquietudes arising from a
man mind, body, or fortune. it makes him
easy under them.
:, say, sam, why am De State of Alunbama
az IKE Dig piece ob cork: Cubs UNI up?' Yah
because OF its great bog Fancy
wal, Sam, l gbs you one more. WHY
am cross baby like the break Oh dasf' GO
away DALI | don't bodder myselfwid su ch tings;
l CUBS I'm up again Because its resTcq
(Aurora.) ~