davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
Funny Occurrence
Too FSRny to be kept-Iiust be Told

Evil comcth sometimes to him who de-
serveih it, and sometimes to him who de-
servcth it not (After the old style.)
1t is our province to relate an incident
that occurred last week in the town of Bucy-
rus, that occasioned an immense amount of
mcnimcnt among those who were cognizant
of it, apd considerable chagrin TO one, at
least, who knew all about it.
TO-wit -
There resides here, mechanic, rather
poor in this worlds goods, whom just for
the sake If name, we will call Y. (Not
his real initials, undcrstand.) Y. is blessed
and cursed with a wife, blessed because
she is rs beautiful rs poets dream, Slight
ly pocticaI and lively as new beer; cursed
because She is as tickle as water, and no
more dependence can be- placed upon her
t.,au upon tight pair OF 81, 80 ready-made
pants. Her husband, the unfortunate J..
-pcctci her 81 what everybody else Was
certain, that she was uuiaitIiul TO her mar
Hinge WOW s. bat he never detected her inf
deity, and the womaus beauty and accom-
pI:shmcu,s had such power over him that
IS 10 ras J.. WAS ignorant of her crime he
WAS content. IKE poor fcIlGv 5 only trou-
BE- YES, that ic shouId catch his wife trip
fia", and be Obliged to separate from her.
The tact L., hr loved her, Notwithstanding
hrr i:ia;rg faults.
D. Wen, lusiuaes called him to Columbus.
He started in he morning. on the early
train, twas to be- gene two days. went to
that city. Fortunately, the gentleman he
wcnt to see was at the depot. lie accom-
phi he'd tLc business that he expected
would take l. Inn M ;h.t day and night, in
an hour, ard home ne came that night, ar
irwin" at Eucyrus ut II 80 i. VI. He
weat 10 the house, Knocked, ard after n lit
tie delay, was admitted. Ills wife was
somru hat pale, lut that was explained. for
she at orcr told him that she was sick, md
bad been sick since four O'Clock that after
noon. Without striking light he went 20
bed. Ills wiic's illness Increased. she
gro"u,d. He, aii tcntgTncss, arose, put
out Lis hand fer the watciI-hox to light The
lamp. II wa 40; thrrc-"Nevcr mind the
lamp orh2h;j" he SaIrd, "huiry to the
Drug Store and get me semcthiug-oh-ah
ol!' Cribs was to represent a prolonged
groan.)
The drtifll y. Slipped OH his panfaloons,
which he had carclcssIy tl,r,wn on the floor,
pulled on Iii, boots, threw himself into his
coat, and flew down the street. He hunted
up a Druggist who nout with linn to his
s'or,-:lr prescription WIS made up
which he man # prHgs presented to him
with tlr remark that it was Il halt dollar
/ y ~. =. I,lt mt, IL ,.o.I..., Ill 4 -,
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
Or. j. y. I<iIpntI-icIS,
DENTIST

EEANING qualified himself in all the late I'M
: pfoysH,.uts in his art, offers bis services to
..r ci.,lrrs ui EapiIcs in tn VARIOUS departments
his profession.
1rFICE IT TIE FULTON HOUSE,
furII-r, ALEXANDRIA, IA.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

Some malicious scoundrel has penDs
tho following: 1--WE did no, kuo~
much as her daughters Of the pc
Had they been in her pIsr va
being deceived they wop. b,,.
.at De-" -'''I
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

If beauty be woman's weapon, it must
be feathered by the Graces, pointed by the
eye Of Discretion, and shot BY the hand
sE Virtue,
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

\ couple of sailors were recently az
rested in New Orleans for throwing buck
cts at tar over each other. 1t wa "a pitch
'~'tl.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

STIMULANTs.-The Louisville Journal
says:
There are times when the pulse lies low
in the bosom and beats slowly IN the
veins: when the fpirit sleeps the Sleep,
Apparently, that knows no waking in It's
house of ebay, and the window-shnttcrs
are closed, aud the door hung with the
invisible Grape Of melancholy; when We
wish the golden sunshine pilchy darlncss
and very willing - fancy "clouds whers
np cloUds be-" This is state Of sickness
when phy,ic may be thrown TO therlogs,
Tor We viii have none of it. What shaft
raise the sleeping Lazarus? What 4hall
make the heart beat music again, aud the
puls, dance through it TO all the mSriad
thronged halls in our house Of life What
shall make the san Kiss the eastern hills,
again for IL, with all his awakening giad-
ness, and the night overflow with "Inoon-
iight, music, love and H0wer- ?" Love IL
self is the great stimulmt-thc most in
toxicatng Of ail-Hnd performs all these
miracles bat it j. u mira.I itself au5 1t is
not at the drug store whittier they stay
The counterfeit is in 'he market, bit the
winged god is not money changer, We
assure you. Men have tried many things
hut still they ak for stimulants@ The
-timulant> We use, bat require thu hse 81
more. 80 ny to drown the floating dead
or their own souls im thr wine cup, but
the corTscs will arise. W. see their face.
in the biubbcro. The iutoxicatlon Of drink
sets the world whirIing again, and the
pulse playing The widest music and th'
thought salloPing-but the fast clock run,
dow. sooner; aui the unnaturd stimua
tiun ,nly leaves the house it nils with ID,
widest rcyclry more silent, more sad, NOR,
dc-rfied, more dead. There is only on,
rtinuant that never fails and never intoxi
ca'ea-duty. DUTY puts a blue sky owe
every man-up in his heart may be--int'
which the slylark, happiness, always goe
singing.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
SPEAK To MAMMA.

When the gentleman comes 10 the point,
And proposes 10 Ellen or Char
Lotte 10 cry NY dear man, to be sure -
Would b, going little too far;
And young ladies' emit Do it, of course:
80 they blash and say, speak to mamma"
Then the gentleman mounts to his feet,
Aud kissing his Ellen or Char
Lott, says many adorabl" things,
Which amt true. though b" VOWS that they Al
And fixing his hat on his head,
Sc,s forward 10 "speak 10 mamma
Who's remarkably soon TO be found
Being up to Miss Ellen or Char
Lotto. She sits with her work in her hand,
ALONE in the little back par
Lor, and hopes that that girl won't forget
70 remind him to speak TO mamma -
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
DENTISTRY.
INt--s. I@" ~ Davis,
DENTISTS,
a.. Il Street above the Ice Iiousc Hotel,
ALEXANDRIA Ia

gnH ri,- tonl,s his thanks - the C,tiH,us
. : ., Alexandria aaI vicinity. for th" liberal
r........,.. .st.lard n. hin, and ~oaid announc"
.,.. D.. .... associated with him iG business, ftr
W DAVIS. lat Of -. Louis, Mo, " no comes
s.. io:srd rs 70 sk.iiu,i operator, aI'd has been
..,.,... "a in the ccc,s.Il practice d Dentistry
... '.p lars past
V.p.ug b. dis announcement TO b" better
.I..l. ~ tu nu"' IN. demands 81 his patrons and
a., Increased f,r.Ii,i. q" all who may require
...- nf .hr various operations ia Dentistry.
z renee, will hr r,ivrn WHEN desired. All
.,... lguic,.:uu, 2..-r,cl 80 them at Al"Nanlria
! .. viii m,rt y III ~ rpt attention. Teeth *
rtr,i whoa necessary ,"ih th. all Of Aucsthr
a, pr,,. utin., al sui ir5 or Inconvenience to
: .. patient, anI with entire salty and certainty
. 10 the result. drcl1-ly
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
DRESS MAKING

ETHS. DEVER would take this occ aston 10
- respectfully inform the ladirs Of Alexan-
fra and the Parish gcnneraliy, that she is still
,rrs, ing on the
Drcss-NIaIking business.
Pei. her resi- len &c opposite the residence of Dr. 5;
. smith She i now prepared to cnt, fit and
81. a. Carments for Ladies and Children, in the
tel possible style, and AZ very short notcc.
Ars. Deyer takes tbs method of thanking the
adhesion their past patronage, hoping by St'ict
,tcnIo to their wants To mrIit continuan'" 81
~ >. 'rlIs.'r =. "a. I..uTc n'..-I'
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
GEMS FROM TIE rOrTS.

I've compasr,3 every pleasure,
Caught every joy before lis bead could pass;
~. loved without restriction. Nithou; rr ASSURE
I've oiPprd enjoyment from the sparkling glass;
I've known what It's too, TO repent at leisure;
I've sat at meeting, and I've s,v'I AZ mass;
And having roycd through half tn worlds in
tnuit~4,
Cry, Ike tn" praach"r,-Nmity of vaui',s
--l>AA' tLAs"N
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

o AK not, hope not thou too much
OiNympathy below;
Few axe tn hearts whence one same touch
Bids The sweet fountain flow.
Io5 that fall bliss of ;hOush t allied,
Never To mo.tals givon,-
o lay thy lovely DIR ams aside,
o. lit them up to iloavrn-MRs- lIEMANs
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
RAH!DES HOTEL,

,ECoNp STREET, ALEXANDRIA, Ia,
jim B ga s.. POO: +
r,!Ir subscriber woui respectfully inform his
..cuds and thu public Crnrraily, that h' can
found at the "OLD STfNp,' hi, table VIII
Jays be supplied with the best III" market
,lls
" Attached 10 the Hc.sl is = 81 ABLE kept
b.. himself. where, Horses and Huggir, can be-
procured at all times. Also, Horses let t." MS
..r viii To- wei attended to- lanl9-iE
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
House ANDLOT FOR SALE.

lWHL sell my house and Lot situated on fourth
! street near the residence OF Mrs. A. T.. Casson.
,." Tot comprises half a square. There Is a new
NN, ling House. kitcion Scrvcants houses and all
yu iiu-s required far 4 residence. All new.
TERMS, one third cash, balancr an time.
4 Hell .RRON.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

from the y. O Delta.
VIRGINIA AND THE CONFEDERATE
WAGON.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

Thus was beauty sent from heaven,
The lovely mistress Of Truth and good
In this daik world for truth ami good ar" one,
And bran,y dwcll+ in them; and thy ia her
With ike ipation.-AKENsrDE.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27


AMOUNT or ABSENCE PROPER PoR
IIrsrANDs.---NIiss Muloch says -" Al
lady Of my acquaintance gives it as her
sine ora non Of domestic felicity, that the
'mcn Of the family, should always be alb
sent at least Fix hours in the day And
,:uly, n mistress Of family, however,
strong her affection for the male members
Of it, cannot but acknowledge that this ID
a great boon. A house where papa ay
the boys are always 'pottering about,
popping in and out AT all hours, everlast
insly wanting something, or finding faula
with something else, Is considerable triad
to even feminine patience. And l beg I'd
ask my .e1 gentrally-in confidence, Of
course--if it is not the greatest comfort
possible when the masculine half of thd
family being cleared out for the day, thd
| house settles down into regular work and
orderly quietnrss until evening Also, il
! is rood for them as well rs for ns, TO hav,
all the inevitable petty domestic bothers
70 over in their absence; 20 effect which
ought to be one If the principal aims o.
the mistress of family. Let them, il
possible, return TO quiet, smiling home
with all It's small annoyances brushed
away like the dust and cinders frou1 th|
grate-which, en- passanf, is one Of thu
fr-t requisites to make n freside looH
comfortable. u might be as well too, j
the master himself could conirive to leav|
the worldly mud of tin day at the scrape|
outside his door"
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

From graves that hold buried past,
Dim arPHlrh rs by rock made fast,
The Lazarus Of our despair
Walks forth, our beings futur, hcir.-ANoN
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

Take heart Tho wastcr builds again;
\ charmed life Oh goodness hath;
Thr tarcs may perish, hu; IN" grain
Is not for d,a'h j G.. WHITTlrP.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

-r N.tJOHN-T0N & -MEi1! GORDON.
: EAyING cr..,h iotrPagu,'ahip, will p.actcr
; 10 town aua country.
..' Da:r. ga public square, Immediately .
.,gor ,t. C,u.f tfou,. avg Fly.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
ID, An 10 - - "

8 Ay!Nli recently located at Capt. .Jos-ph W.
| Trvu}a's. OF bayou RapiIc,, oll''rs lis p'o-
T. ,iona. service, to the good pct?'r OF til" Par
jdn2G-Gm
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27

Final SAFE ot' Arrstc"i ILbsy.-Ihe
home of BYRON, which has been tor some
time in the market, has at length found a
purchaser in the person Of Vim. +. webb,
a British army officer. Nr bought it for
hi7 private residence, paying therefor
1000 HOn.
The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-04-27
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.

BARLOW 81 WADDlLL,
a TTORNEYS AND COUNSELL0RS AT
= LAW.-Oairc at Alexandra and Marks
..r n2t--ly
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

The MCCLELLAN KNAPsACK K-Among all the
improvements in the ma erials Of war, the
krapsact has been entirely neglected, but that
Necessary appendage of the soldier has lately
rrceived the attention of a private in the
Twenty third New York, who has already OBJ
Lined patents for two or three useful and i'm
acrtunt inventions. Having practical know
ledge of the wants of the soldiers, Mr.. MaXson
rppli, d his inventive genius to improve the
kn,psack. and he has most effectually accom-
plished bis desire. His improved knapsack,
which he has named AS above, is just like the
ordinary knapsack, except that Its weight rests
more perfectlyupon the shoulders; but its great
novelty and impo, tancs is, that II may, in ar
| instant, BE- converted into bed, hard or soft
TO suit the taste Of the war-worn soldier, wht
il to occupy it, and lying upon this bed, covered
with blanket overcoat, he can sleep as sweet
ly, and as securely protected against the COLI
or damp earth, as though he were in bis owl
bed at home.
This is an important matter a. regards th
health of the army, and we commend MI
Maxson, and bis Mcclellan knapsack, to th
attention of the sanitary Committee, who viii
uudoubt- dly give it their warmsst approbs
ton. -. .-s-.s .-t-
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

GEN. FREMONr.-The New York tribune, Of
yesterday, contains the Report of Adjutant
Gene. al Thomas, on the affairs of the Western
Department. 1t is "a lengthy document. and
therefore could not be PLACED before our read
ers this morning. To morrow we will print a
synopsis. so that the public may see the
charges preferred against the General. II
should be understood that this Is not Repor
based upon any legal investigation, but |:
simply the Report to Mr.. Secretary Cameron
of the Adjutant General, who accompanied the
Secretary in bis flying visit to Missouri. Gen
Thomas reports what he saw and heard, and
whether he fairly understood what he saw, and
heard. the truth will be better known when
Gen. Fremont tells his story. It isupon this
Report, we suppose, that the President will
determine his action in this important matter
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

The ARMIES OF EuRoPE, by Gen. G Mcclellan, Is
by j b. Lippincott, Of Fhiiadelphia.
This work comprises the record Of the o.
servations Of Gen. Mcclellan, as Military Com
IN ssioner from the United States Government
10 Europe in 1886. He was the youngest
officer Of the Commission, and was selected by
jeff Davis, on account of the brilliant military
qualities he had already displayed. Extracts
from tnis important work have been already
given 1t reveals in every page'the finish OF
the scholar and the professional culture of the
so der. Its criicisms of the allied and Rus
sian operations in the Crimea are bold yet dis
Grim mating, while its expose of the present con.
dition Of the great armies Of Europe, is mas
lerly. To the general reader, no less than the
soldier. It will be found at once entertaining
and instructive. Its style is clear and It's dis
cussions exhaustive As the work Of one upon
whom he eyes and hopes of the nation art
conferred, it will be read with eager interest
For sale at the bookstore Of Blanchard 4 Mo
hun corner Pennsylvania avenue and EleveAti
sheet.
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

GEN. STONES REPoRT.-By some stroke Of
enterprise, or something else, the Tribune OF
yesterday was enabled to publish Exclusively
the official Report of Gen. Stone and the Re
port Of Admtsnt General Thomas. There may
be some good reason why the Tribune should
and the press not associated, but at present We
fail to see it. 1t used to be said that Presi.
dent Buchanan treated his enemies better than
his friends. Perhaps that's the beet way.
General Stones Report presents nothing
new, the most remarkable feature being tha
entire silence on the subject of his writer
orders 10 Col Baker.
The national Republican., 1861-10-31
~ General L. me, of Kansas, Is not doc.

~ General LIne, of Kansas, Is not doc
tor of laws, but if he had been, he could not
have defined with more exactness than he did,
in late stump speech at Leavenworth, what
The duty is Of military officers under existing
laws, executive Instructions, and the resolu
tions of Congress: " We march to crush on
treason and let SLAVERY take care Of ITSELF" Tn
nation has not yet determined upon genera
emancipation, as a means Of quelling the re
belIion, but it has determined that the arm
shall not turn slave catcher for the benefit {
traitors. II the slaves of such escape into ou
lines, they are not to be given up. and if tn
progress of our armies abolishes slavery, thl
is a consequence which traitors have brougt
down upon their own heads.
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

published in the Chicago Tribune, represents
The loss of Gen. Zollicoffer, in his attacks Of
the 2lst upon Wild Cat camp, as six hundred
II much greater loss than was indicated in lht
iirst reports. The representation now made is
that before the third and last attack, wbicl
was made at night, the national force had re
ceived some reinforcemenIs of artillery, 0
which the rebels were not aware.
II Gen Zollicoffer's loss was so considerably
as now stated, it is a very good opening of tn
Kentucky campaign.
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

From THE LOWER P0TONAc.-The steamer
Pnsey, of the Potomac fotilla, arrived at the
Navy Yard yesterday, bringing dispatches from
Capt. Craven.
The rebel steamer George Page has gone as
far up the mouth of Quanticoke Creek q: she
can, but is not yet half mile from the river.
She Is apparently aground aud II SO, will re-
quire high tide to foas her.
The rebel batteries were opened upon the
Maryland shore Tuesday, and firing was con-
tinued until late hour Tuesday night, but
without doing much damage to anybody on
our side,
The national Republican., 1861-10-31
nar Mr.. Thurlow Weed, writing to the A

Gs- Mr. Thurlow Weed, writing to the AL
bany Evening journal, from this city, October
&c, says:
IL was with the President last evening when
the brother, son, and nephew of the late Gen
eral Baker, who were with him, called to SHOW
his orders. These orders were on his person,
and were crimsoued and consecrated by his
blood Though the blood partially effaces the
orders, enough is legible to vipdicate bis mem
Dry. 1t is sufficient to ray that the orders were
clear and explicit, and that they were gala t.
Iy, generously and literally obeyed."
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

MISS ISABELLA HINKLEr. -- This beautiful
young American prims donna has becoms in
short time one Of the very first favCrites Uf he
admirers Of lyric artists. Her impersouations
of The most dit.icult roles have received the
highest concentrations Of operate connoiseura.
Her Lucretia Borgia Is pronounced by critics
the highest achievement in lyric tragedy ever
evidenced on the American operate stage.
Says a lyric critic In the chief New York
daily journal, whose word stamps MOTTO be-
disputed approval: f." Her success Is truly won.
derful, eclipsing in this respect even the tri
umphs Of Lind and Sontag. When we consider
hr youth aud brief experience, and, above all
that three years since she scarcely knew note
Of music or word Of Italian, and see with
what purity she sings 1t now, sustaining the mos
difficult roles in manner winning the admira
ion of those familiar with the highest efforts
when we think OF tLe difficulties that this youns
American girl has tvercome in this incredibl,
space of time, we can but consi Ter 1t the mos
wonderful achievement upon the stage Of gu
Academy" .".
Perhaps the greatest compliment paid to Me
IIinkley is that ~ Nr Ullman, WHO, seeking al
the world over for excellence In his operati
combinations at the Academy of Music, select
her for his chief attraction.
Miss Hinkley will be assisted in her ConeeE
aud Opera next Friday evening, among othe
l musical celebrities, by Signor Brignoli. Dnrin
the stay of this gentleman in America, he ha
rendered himself the greatest male favorite tho
ever appeared upon our stage, and equally er
deared himself to very large circle Of int
! mates and scqnaiutances. His departure fc
Europe had been fixed, but he was induced
forago it for short time in order to assist Mi
D Hinkley's late representations. At the close I
the present brief tour, he leaves our shores, an
y we bid alden to the finest tenor voice, the hant
e soonest man, and one OF the most affable ger
tlemen, that hos ever appeared upon our stag
!, Sgnors Mancusi, Susini, Mollenhaur, an
a Muzie, also assist at the Theatre on Frida
= evening.
The national Republican., 1861-10-31
MILITARY APPOINTMENTS JUST MADE.

Wm V. Fitch, of Hartford, Conn, to be
second lieutenant of Second infantry.
Thomas Foster, of Minnesota, to be com
missary of subsistence, with the rank of captain
of volunteers.
Captain VIM. Hays of Second artillery, U s.
A.. 10 be an aid to Major General McClellan,
with the rank of lieutenant colonel OF Volun'
ieers.
Ed. A. Raymond, of New York, to be an aid
to Major General Mcclellan, with the rank Of
CAPTAIN
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

DRoPPEp.-CaptainH Henry b, Davidson, First
cavalry, having left his regiment, July l, 1861,
on thirty days leave, and having failed to re-
port for duty at the expiration of his leave, or
since, will be dropped from the rolls from thu,
date. Captain Davidson is a native of and was
appointed from Tennessee, and it is probable
that he has gone over to Secessia."
The national Republican., 1861-10-31

The ARMY RETIRING BOARD has been some
weeks in session, and retired number OF Off
GERS Among the latest, Colonel Henry l..
Scott one of the Inspectors General, In const
queuce of physical disability. This gentleman
is, we believe, the sonin law of the Lieutenant
General.