The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-01-02
The Loafer's Soliloquy.

The Loafer's Soliloquy.
Let's see, where am / 7? Yes, I
mind now Was coming up street
met a wheelbarrow was drunk, comm
tother way, the wheelbarrew fell
over me, or fell over the wheelbar-
row, and one of us fell into the cellar,
don't know which now, guess it must
of been me. I'm nice man-yes I
am-tight /! tore drunk Well, I
can't help it. faint my fault, wonder
whose fault It's (? Is it Jones' fault !?
No. Is it my wife's fault ? No
Well it amt. Is it the wheelbar-
rows fault 7 No. It's whiskey's
fault. Who is whiskey Has he a
large family ? All poor, reckon /
think / won't own him any more, TIL
cut his acquaintance I've had that
notion for about ten years, and ] al
ways hate to do itfor fear Of hurtin
his feelings Til do it now, I think
liquor is injurin' me, its spoilin' my
temper.
Sometimes I get mad when Tn
drunk and abuse Bet and the brats-
it used to be Lizzie and the children
that's some time ago. Tide come
home of evenings, she used to put her
arms around my neck and kiss me, and
call me her dear William
When I come home now, she takes
her pipe out Of her mouth, and the
hair out Of her eyes, and says some
thing like, Bill, you drunken brute,
shut the door after yoa we're cold
'nough, havin' no FIRE, 'thout lettin the
snow blow in that way Yer, she's
Bet and IN Bill now ] amt good
bill, nuther won't pass tavern with
out goin in and gettin drunk Don't
know what bank I'm on. Last Sat-
urday night I was on the river bank.
drunk.
stay out pretty late no. some
times I'm out all night, the fact is I'm
pretty much out all over-outo of peck
ct, out Of friends, out of elbows and
knees. and always outrageously dirty,
so Bet says, but then she's no judge,
for she's never clean herself I won
der why she don't wear clean clothes?
May be she hasn't got 'em whose
faults that ? faint mine-must be
whiskey's.
Sometimes I'm in, however I'm in
toxicated now, in somebody's coal eel
lar. There's one principle I've. got
/ won't get in debt; | never could do
it. There, one Of my coat tails gone,
got tore off expect when | fell in
here.
A fellow told me I'd make a good
sign for a paper mill, tother day. If
he wasn't SO big I'd lick him. I've
had this shirt on for nine days, and
I'm afraid it won't come off without
tearing People ought to respect ~
more than they do, for I'm in holy Or
ders.
/ amt dandy. though my clothes
are pretty near the Grecian style. !
guess I tore this window shutter in my
pants tother night when | sot down
in the wax in Ben Riggs shop. and
I'll have to get it mended, or I'll catch
cold-I amt very stout as it is. AS.
the boys say, Pm as fat as a match,
ard healthy as the small pox
NY best hat has been standing
guard for window that went in the
other night at the invitation of a brick
It's gettin' cold down here wonder if
/ hain't able to climb. If | had a
drink could think better. Lets see,
I amt got three cents if I was in a
tavern I'd sponge one. Whenever .
person treats, and says come fellers"
I always think my name is "fellers,"
and I've got too good manners to re-
fuse. Well, must leave this or Til
be arrested for an attempt at burgla
ry. / amt come to that yet Any
how, it was the wheelbarrow that did
the mischief not me.