Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1861-04-25
lThe ssHoe Alley Man,' in wash
1ugtOn.

This humorous individual writes letter
from Washington to the Nashville Pdtri-
ot in which he shows up the economy Of
the Federal Government in the following
style:
The way the Government gets its work
done is curious. As an illustration, you
and your family meet in convention Of the
whole, and adopt resolution authorizing
the construction OF hen-eoop in your back
yard. You at once appoint me superintend
emit lof the work putting a thousand or two Of
dollars in bank for me 10 check on. l get
you to appoint my brother in-law chief en-
gineer.
1appoint two of my brothers assistant
superintendents' and my brother-in-law ap-
points two of his brothers assistant engi-
neers-all at your expense. We buy US
each fast horse and buggy, and ride
around town, drink cocktails and play bill.
liards, until the bank deposit gives out,
when, we make out printed report of
seventy-three psges, furnishing you top
ographical survey of your backyard, and a
vast amount of statistical information with
regard to the number of hens you are
likely to have for the next forty years.
We wind up the report with announcement
that the sight of the hen coop has been Sc
lected, and call for another appropriation
to prosecute the work, which we assure you
will be done with "vigcr' You place an
other thousand or two in bank and we en-
ploy two hundred hands at three dollars
day TO transport seyenty-five cents worth
of lumber (which costs you under our man
agement about ten times that many dol
lars) to the place of operations, which re-
quires about three months.
In the mean time, we drive around and
60 on vigorously with the liquor and bill
lizards. We then come up with another
report and demand for another appropri-
alton. With this we get the walls of the
structure up, and with one or two or more
appropriations, and great many more
cocktails and billiards, we get the thing
covered in; and at the end of twelve
months, which we very appropriately style
eur 'fscal year." we put you in. formal
possession of a ten thousand dollar hen
coop, that any negro carpenter would have
peen glad to knock up some Saturday af-
ternoon for a suit of your old clothes.
He thus modestly excuses himself for
epistolary brevity:
l meant 10 write you long letter to-
night, but uuhappily I find myself placed
in singularly unfavorable position for wri-
ting with my accustomed force and perspi-
Guilty. My room is situated in wing of the
building. just opposite is another wing,
with narrow court yard between. There
must be concert or circus, or some sort
of show in town tonight, for at window
opposite mine a couple of very bretty,
what would suppose to be chambermaids,
have been putting or their clothes for the
last hour, as if they were fixing up to 60
somewhere. This is very annoying to
man of a family, and if it were not SO far
down stairs, would 60 and complain to
the landlord. 1t would require an individ-
ual of tremendous power of concentrating
his thoughts to write an able letter nndsr
such circumstances l would close the
blinds and get further from the window,
but | expect to pay for staying in this
house, and am not to be driven from pill
lar to post by such spectacle as is now be-
fore me.