The Buchanan County guardian. (Independence, Buchanan County, Iowa) 1858-1864, 1861-05-14
From Vanity Fair.
ARTEMAS WARD ON THE SHA-
KERS,

The Shakers is the strangest religious
sex | ever met. I'd hearn tell of 'em
and I'd seen 'em, with their broad
brim'd hats and long wastid coats but
I'd never cum into immejit contack with
'em, and I'd sot 'em down as lackin in
telleck, as I'd never seen 'em to my
Show-leastways if they cum they was
disgised in white peple's close, so
didn't know 'em.
But in the Spring of 18-, l got
swampt in the exterior of New York
State, one dark and stormy night, when
the winds Blue pitvusly, and was fore
ed to lie up with the Shakers.
| was toiin threw the mud, when in
the dim vister of the futer / obsarved
the CLEANS of a taller candle. Tien a
hornets nest to my off hoss's tail to kind
er encourage him, l soon reached the
place. | knockt at the door which il
was opened unto me by tall, sickly-
faced, solum lookin individiooal who
turn'd out to be Elder.
"Mister Shaker" sed "you see be.
fore you Babe in the Woods, so to
speak. and he axes shelter of you"
"Yay," sed the Shaker, and he led
the way into the house, another Shaker
bein sent to put my hosses and waggin
under kiver.
A solum female, lookin sumwhat like
last years bean-pole stuck into long
meal bag, cum in an axed me was
o,L,.et onJ J;J l,nr.o, -, 10 ,ybiob
urbanely answered "a few" She went
orr and | endevered to open converse
shun with the old man.
Elder, spect ?" sed |.
Yay," he sed.
"Health's good, reckon %
"Yay."
whats the wages Of Elder, when
be understans his bizness-or do you
devote your sarvices gratooitus 90
"Yay"
stormy night, SIR"
"Yay."
If the storm continners there'l be &
mess underfoot. hay %
"Yay."
It's unpleasant when there's mes:
underfoot ?''
Yay.'
"If may be so bold, kind sir, whats
the price of that pecooler kind of wesk
you wear, incloodin trimmins -
"Yay"
| pawsd mint, and then thinkin IL
be faseshus with him and see how tina
would 90. | slapt him on the shoulder
bust into harty larf. and told him tina
as yoyer he had no livin ekal.
He jumpt up as if Bilin water haC
been squirted into his ears. groaned
rolled his eys up lords the seain anC
sed :: You're man Of sin J" He thel
walkt out Of the room.
Just then the female in the meal-bag
stuck her head into the room and static
that refreshments awaited the weary
travler, and sed if it was vittles sh'
ment. the weary travler was agreeable
and | follerd her into the next room.
] sot down to the table and the female
in the meal bag pored out sum tea. Sh'
sed nothin, and for five miniis the onl,
livin thing in that room was an old wood
en- clock, which tickt in r subdood ant
! bashful manner IN the corner. This
dethly stiffness made me oneasv, and
determined to talk to the female or bust
SO seq l, marriage is agin your rules
bleeve, marin %
"Yay."
The sexes liv strickly apart,
spect -
"Yay."
"It's kinder singler," sez |, putin OF
my most sweetest look and speakin in l
winnn voice, " that so fair a made a,
thow never got hitched to some likel,
feller." . N. B.-She was upwards OF Il
and homely as stump fence, but thaw
I'd tickil her.
don't like men !" she sed, very
short.
"Wall, dunno" sez |, they're ray
thur important part of the population.
don't scarcely see how we could gI
along without EN-,
| "Us poor wimmin folks would gi