The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1861-09-04
A nytl,ings

Here is a mathematical problem not lait
down in the books If man buys two
apples and eat both Of them, how many vii
still remain? OF cores there will be two
left. jerks has returned from the cam
paign in Missouri. When in St. Louis
almost every other man he met came up tt
him and said inquiringly, "You fight mi,
Siesely yes "Den you comes and
drinks zwei glass beer NIT me-" He sci.
dom refused. I'M. j. Somcrs, formerly
connected with the local department of the
Dubuque Herald, on the 2sth inst, took
charge Of the local department of the daily
Union. This important branch of news
paper service is efficiently managed. u. The
New York Day. Book says, "We will give
81 900 line for every one that can be fur
n'shed from our columns showing that we
advocate secession" If the same paper
would offer as large reward for single
line opposing secession, they would never
have to part with their money :. "A black.
smith shop up in the woods of Wisconsin
bears tho following inscription "No
horses shod on Sunday except :sicknes and
deth." This probably has some reference
to Death on pale horse The jackson
20. (Wis.) Banner, announces new dis.
ease called Having Babies" as having
broken out in that locality . . It appears
on investigation, that the rebels knowing
the weakness of mankind, have heretofore
obtained detailed information of this gov
crnments plans by sending pretty rebel
women to practice all the wiles and seduc-
tons OF their sex upon responsible clerks
and agents in tbs various departments.
Men who could resist the temptation of
money could not resist the temptation of
these syrens. IA city "exchange" mar
rates that tourist on Mount Blanc slip
ped, fell upon his back, and over preci-
plce 1000 feet high at an angle Of As de-
grees by measurement, at velocity of not
less than 60 miles per hour, over frozen
snow covered by little peas of ice like hail,
and was brought up at crevasse near the
bottom by the collection of snow in his
pantaloons which saved his life by tyinr
his legs together" This story is lucid and
very probable. In thrilling denouement
however, it is excelled by the descent of a
to Cincinnati paper
who once on time fell two thousand miles
over steep precipice and struck upon
stake and rider fence, nearly knocking the
wind out of his body :. "A fair and gentle
Of the finer sex who blesses
north western Missouri with her presence.
offers premium for enough Yankee scalps
to make bed-quilt. What a divinity.
The Milwaukee Sentinel is severe on the
editor of the La Crosse Democrat, hirtinp
pretty strongly that Brick is unread in To-
ology and that Dams Rhinoceros cannot
stand water any better than Brick can.
The government continues to arrest rebel
ladies' bus finds it easier to suppress the
newspapers than to suppress that sex.
Brick Pomeroy and the Chicago papers are
driving quite fiourishing trade over start
ing news from Dan Ricc's Rhinoceros.
which for two weeks past has been decaying
On the east bank of the Mississippi, just
above Prairie du Chen Gen. Mcclellan
has done good thing in excluding
women from the army-allowing only two
nurses for each regiment. This is sensible.
Hereafter all Of the patriotic, selt-denying
young ladies who are anxious to 90 as vi
handlers, can stay at home and knit woollcn
socks for the brave fellows who are on duty.