Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1861-01-17
ARTEMUS WARD ON HIS TRAVELS.
LETTER w.
ONro THE WING. d

UNTO THE WING, Dec, 1860.
Gents Of tho Editorial Corpse of Vanity
FAIR Since last rit you I've met with i'm
mense success a shown my show in varis pIacis,
particly at Detroit. put up at Mr.. kussels
tavern, a very good tavern too, but I am sorry
to inform you that the clerk tried to cum
Gouge Game on me I brandished my new
sixteen dollar huntin-cased watch round con-
siderable, d as was dresst in my store clothes
had lot Of sweet-scented wagon-grease on
my hair, am free to confess that thought I
loOkt putty gay. 1t never once struck me that
l lookt green. But up steps a clerk Il axes me
hadn't 1 better put my watch in the safe.
"Sir," sez /, "that watch cost sixteen dollars
Yes, sir, every dollar oft You can't cum it
over me, my boy! Not at all, SIR" Iknow'd
himself. He wanted TO make believe as tho he
lockt 1t up in the safe, then he would set the
house FIRE and pretend as tho the watch was
destroyed with the other property! But he
caught Tomartea when he got hold Of me.
From Detroit 70 West tard hoe. On the cars
was q he-lookin female, with a green cotton
umbreller in one hand and a handful of reform
tracks in the other. She sed every woman
should have a Spear. Them as didn't demand
their Spears, didn't know what was good for
them. "What is my spear ?' she axed, ad-
dressin the peple in the cars. sis it to stay to
home & darn stockins & be the ser-Iare of a
domineerin man? Or is it my spear to vote
n sister in these keers that has her proper
Spear" Sayin which the eccentric female
whirled her umbreller round several times, &
finally jabbed me in the weskit with it.
:" / hav no objecshuns to your goin into the
Spear bisniss, sel 1, "but you'll please re-
member L ain t pickeril. Don't Spear me
agin, if you please' She sot down.
At Ann Arbor, bein seized with a sudden
faintness, 1 called for drop Of suthin to drink
As / was stirrin the beverage up, q pale fac ed
man in gold spectacles laid his hand upon my
shoulder, & sed, "Look not upon the wine
when it ia red ="
Ser 1, 'This amt wine. This is Old Rye"
at St,mgeth Ike a adder and bitheth like
SdrpeHt" sed the man.
81 guess not, sed /, "when you PUT sugar
init. That's the way 1 alters take mins.''
"Hav you sons grown up, sir?" the man
axed
s.well," replide, as put myself outside
my beverage, my SON Artemus junior is goin
on 49,"
"Ain't you afraid if you set this example be4
him, he II come to bad end'" =
"He's cum to a waxed end already. He's
learnin the shoe-makin business" 4" replied
~ guess we can both on US git along without
your assistance, Sir," observed, as he was
alb nut to open his mouth agin.
This is a cold world" said the man.
That's So But you'll git into a warmer
one by and by, if you don't mind your own
bizniss better" I was Titled riled at the
feller bscause never take anythin only when
/ really need it, / afterwards learned he was
q temperance lecturer, and if he can injuce
men 10 stop settin their inards on fire with the
fnghful licker which Is retailed round the
country, 1 shall hartily rejoice. Better Civ
men Prusick Assid to onot, than to pizen 'em
to death by degrees.
At Albion met with overwhelmin success
The celebrated Albion Female Seminary is
located here, d there air over 800 young ladies
| In the Institushun pretty enuf to eat without
seasonin or sass. The young ladies was very
kind to me, volunteerin to pin my handbills
onto the backs Of their dresses. It was q sur
blime site to see over 300 young ladies goin
round with q advertisement of A. Wards on
parallel show, oonspiskusly posted onto their
dresses.
They've got Panick up this way and re-
fooEe to take Western money. It never was
| worth much, and when western men, who know
what il 10, refoose to take their own money it
is about time other folks stopt handlin it,
Banks are Dustin every day, goin up higher nor
| any balloon Of which We hev any record These
| western bankers air q sweet d Iuvly set of men
1 wish owned as good house as some of 'em
| would break into.
Virtoo is its own reward. A. WARD