Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1861-10-08
A. Ward Among the spirits.


A. Ward Among the Spirits.
My naburs is mourn harf crazy on the
new tangled idear about Sperress. Sperre-
tooul Slrcles is held mite & or long hared
feiiers has settled hers and gone into the
srerret biZnis exclusively A atemt was
made tn git Mrs A Ward to embark into
the sperret bznis but the atemt falrd. l of
the long hared fellers told her she was a
ethereal creetur 4 wood make sweet me
jun wbereupon she atact him with a mon
handle & drove him out of the house.
will here obsarve that Mrs Ward is a ina
valabie woman-tbe partner of my COWS &
the shairer of my sorrers. In my absunse
she watcbis my interests & things with a
Eagle Eye when return she welcums
| me IN uffectionate stile. Trooly it is with
US as it was with Mr.. & Mrs. Ingomer In
the Play, to whit
2 soles with but single thawt
s-seS 2 harris which beet as /. -.
My nabus injoced me to attend Sper.
retooul Sircle at Squire Smiths. When |
arr0ve | found the east room chock full in
clodin all the old maids in the vllige & the
long haired fellers a4sed. When | went in
l was saluted with ''here Gums the benited
man"-here Gums the horey headed unbe-
| leever"-''here Gums the skoffer at trooth"
etsettery, etsettery.
See |, my frens it's troo I'm hear, &
now bring on you Sperrets."
| l OF the long barred Teller riz up & sed
he wood state few remarks. He sed men
was critter of intelleck d was moving on
! TO Cole. Sum men had bigger intelleck
than uther men had and they wood get to
the Guile the sOonerest Sum men was
/ l.
all. lie sed the Firth was material but man
was immateral ard hens man was different
| from the Firth. Tae Firth, conunnered the
speaker, resolved round on it's own axeI-
| tree onct in "a hours; but as men haint gut
| 10 axetree he cant resolve. He sed the
ethereal essunce of the koorkinase branchis
Of superhuman natur Secum mettymor-
fused as man progress in harmoniai cock
istune q ever totally anty humanized their
selves d turned into regular sperretullers
! This was versifferusly applauded by the
cumpany and as | make It pint 10 get
along as pleasantly as possibly i sung ont
out bully for you old boy"
The company then drew round tie table
and Sircle kummenst TO go it. They axed
me ii there was anybody in the Sperret
land which | would like 10 converse with
/ l sed If Bill TOmpkins, who was onct my
| partner In tie show biznis. was sober,
| shood like to converse with him a few pe-
/ RODS.
lis the Sperret of William Tompkins
! PRESENT." sed Of the long haired chaps,
and there was three nox on the table.
| See l. William, how goze it, Old Sweet
ness?"
| "Pretty ruff old hoss," be rerlide.
That was pleasant way we had of ad-
! dressin each other when be was in the
| flesh.
! Air you in the show biznis, William 20
lie sed he was. He sed he and John
| Bunyan was tIavelin with side show in
connection with Shnkespeer, Jonsou d Co. e
! Circus. He seq Old Dun (meanirg MIR.
Bunyan,) stird up the animals & ground
the orgun while he tended door Occa-
! shunally Mr. Buuyan sung a comic sung
The circus was doin midlin we'll Bill
4 Shakespeer had made q great hit with Old
Bob Ridley, and Ben Johnson was delitIn
the people with h rs trooly great az OF hoss
maEship without saddul or bridal Tnere
was rehersin Dixey's Land & expected 1t
would knock the people.
SEE l, William, my luvly Trend can you
pay me that IL dollars you owe me 70 lie
sed No." with one Of the most tremenjls
nox ! ever experiunsed.
The Sirkle said he had gune. "Are you
gone, William" axed
Ray ther," he replide, and / knowed il
was no use to persoo the subjeck further.
then called for my father.
.'Ho~'s things. daddy?"
'MiGdiin, my son, middlin."
"Ain't you prOwd of your orfurn boy ?''
"Scarceiy."
asWhv nut NV noriapt 9v
"Becawz you have gone to writin for the
newspapers, my son. Bimeby you'll lose
all your character for trooth and verrasser
ty. When helpt you into the show bizuis
told you to dignerfy that perfesshun.-
Litter at Or is low
lie also stated that he was doin middliu
we'll IN the planut biznis & liked it putty
well, thu the CLINT was rather warm.
When the Slrcle stopt they axed me wha
| thawt of it.
See l, my friends I've been into the
show bizais now going on % years There,
artlkl IN the CoDstltooshun of the United
States which SEE In effeck that everybody
may think just as he darn pleazes, & then
is my sentiments to hair You dowtli,
believe in this Sperret doctrine while
think 1t is little mkt. just so soon as q
man becums a regular out & out Suerrei
rapper he leaxes orr wOrkin. lets hair grow
ali over bis Ease aud cnmmensis sIungin
his Twin out of other people He eats all
the dIckshuraries he can fud & goze round
snock full of big words. scarein the VIM
min folks little children aud destroying
the piece of mind of every fermerlle he
enters. lie don't do nobody no good & ID
a cuss to society & SPIRIT on honest peo-
pies corn beef barrils Admittin ali w
say abuwt the doctrine to be troo. mus
say the regular professional Sperret rnp-
pers-them as makes biznis on it-aiI
abowt the most ornery set of cusses. ever
encountered in my life. So saying | put
on my surtoot and went home.
Respectfully YuTes.
ARTEMUs WARD
The Wisdom of War.