Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1861-06-22
WARD IN THE SOUTH.
HIS TRIALS AND ADvENTWEs.


had narrar scape from the sonny
South. "Thc swings and arrers of out
rsjus fortin," alluded to by Hamlick, warn t
nothin in comparison to my troubles. l
came pesky near swearing sum profane
oaths moren oncs, but hope didn't do
it, for I've oromist she whose name shall
be nameless Except that her initials is
Betsy J,) that I'll jine the Meetin House
at Baldinsville, jest as soon as l can
scrape money enuf together so l can
atfurd to be piuss in good stile, like my
wel,hy nabers. But it I'm cuufScated
agin I'm fraid | shall continner on in my
present benighted state tor sum time.
| hggerd conspicyuslv in many thrillin
scenes in my tower from Montgomery to
my hunsed, and on sevril occasions l
thought the CRATE komic paper wouldn't
never be nriched by lubrica,ions. Arter
bddin adoo to Jefferson ID. l started for
the depot. l saw a nigger sittin on q
banjo. MY Afrikin Brother sed l,
co:in from Track onct red, "you he,
long to ve:y interestin race. Your mas,
ters is gooin to war exclusively On your
account
Ye. boss" he replied, cen I wish 'em
honorable graves!' and he went on playin
the banjo, larGn all over and opening his
mouth wide enuF to drive in an old. fash
ioncd wheeled cbaise.
The train Of cars in which was to trust
my wallerble life was the scaliest rickytist
iookin lot of consarns that ever saw on
wheels sfore. What time does this string
Of second hand cottins leave ?" inquired
of the depot master. lie sed direckly and
fairly squattei afore dark lookin man
with a s"lnister expression onto his coun.
teuance entered the cars, and lookin very
sharp at me, he axed what was my prin-
ciples?
"Secesh Y l ansered. "I'm a Disso.
luter. l'm in favor of Jeff Davis, Boure-
gard, Pckens, Capt. Kidd, BIoobeard,
Munro Edards, the devil, Mrs. Cunaing.
ham and all the rest Of EN-
Your re in favor of the war p
"Certalhly. By all means. I'm in fa-
yor Of .his war also of the next war. I've
.beea In isy"r of tn" ---. -,----~~s-" r'---7-
"War to the knive y sed the man.
"Blud, Fargo, bludr' sed ], tho them
words was rt by Shakespeare, who is ded.
His mantle fell onto the author of The
Seven Sisters who's goin to hav spring
overcoat made ou, Of it.
We got under way at lsrst, an proceeded
on our Journey at about the rate of speed
which is ginraIly obsarved By properly
conducted funeral professions. A hsnsum
yung gal, with red uusketer bar on the
back part Of her he'd, and q sassy little
black hat tip. over her forrcd, sot in the
seat with me. Sac wore q little Sesesh
flag pin d onto her hat, and she was n goin
for to see her trUo love, who had iined the
Southern army, all so bold and ray. So
she told me. She was chilly and offered
her my blanket.
Father livn p ! axed.
Yes sir
"Got any Unclcs ?"
"a heap. Uncle Thomas is ded, tho"
"Peace to Uncle Thomas ashes. and
success to him! l will be your Uncle
Thomas! Lean on me my pretty Secesher,
and linger in blissful repose !" She slept
as secoorely as in her own houses, and
didn't disturb the soilum stiffness of the
nigh! with ary snore.
At the first station a troop Of Sojers
entered the cars and inquired if Old
Wax Works was on bored. That was
the disres spectful stile in which they re.
ferred to me. Becawz if Old Wax
Works is on bored,' sez man with face
like double.,rested lobster, "we're goin
to hang Old Wax Works.
MY illustrious and patriotic BummersT
sez |. gi,tin up and takin OFF my Shap-
poo, off you allude to A. Ward, it's my
pleasin dooty to inform you that he's ded.
He saw the errer Of his ways at Is minits
pars, yesterday, and stabbed hisset with
u sledslake, dvin in five beautiful taboos
to slow moosic! His larst words was -
MY perfesbernal career is over jerk
no more ~
"And who be your"
"l'm s,oodent in Senator Benjamins s
law otiiss I'm goin up North to steal
sum spoons aod things for the Suthern
arm"
This was satisfactory and the intossicat-
ed troopers went orr. At the next station
the pretty little Secesher awoke and sed
she must git out there. hid her kind
adoo and Civ her sum pervisions. "Ac.
cept my blcssin and this hunk or ginger
bred y | sed She thankt me muchly and
tript galy ava. There's considerable hu-
man mater in man, and I'm 'fraid
shalt alters Civ mid and comfort to the enc.
my if he Gums to me in the shape Of o
nice young gal.
At the next station l didn't get orf so
easy. was dragged out of the cars and
rolled in the mud for several minits tor
the purpuss Of "takin the conseet out Of
me-" as u secesher kindly stated.
was let up finally, when powerful
large Seceshcr came up and embraced me,
and to show that hs had no hard feelins
agin me, put his nose in my mouth Ire.
turned tie compliment by placing my
stummick suddenly agin his right foot,
when he kindly made spittoon of his
able bodied face. Actooatcd by desiro
to see whether the Secesher had bin va1i-