Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1861-07-04
ARTEMAs WARD IN THE SOUTH,
His Trials and Adventures.

His Trials and Adventures.
| l had narrer scape from the sonn
South. "Tbe swings and arrers of outra
ljus fortin," alluded to by Hamlick, warn
nothin in comparison to my trubIes.
came pesky uear swearin sum profane oath.
morn onct, but l hope l didn't do it, 70
I've promist, she whose name shall b
nameless Except that her initials is Bets,
j.. that LII jine the Meetin House at Bal
dinsville, jest as soon as can scrape mon
ey enuff together so l can ford to be Plus
10 good stile, like my weltLy nabers. Blu,
if I'm confsticated agin I'm afraid shall
contInner on in my present benited state
for sum time.
fingered conspicyusly in many thrillir
scenes in my tower from Montgomry te
my humsted, and on sevril occasions
thought "the CRATE komic paper" wouldn',
never be inriched no more with my lubri.
cations. After biddin adoo to Jefferson D
started for the depot. 1 saw nigge,
sittin on a fence a-playin on banjo
any Afrikin Brother" sed l, cotin from a
Track l onct red, '.you belong to very in
terestin race. Your masters is goin to war
exclusively on your account"
"Yes, boss" he replied, "an, wish 'em
honorable graves!' and be went on pIayin
the banjo. lariin all over and openin bis
mouth wide enuff to drive in an old fash
ioned 2 wheeled chaise.
The train of cars in which I was 10 trust
my wallerble lite was the scaliest rickytiest
lookin lot of consarns that ever saw on
wheels afore. "What time does this string
of secondhand cofins leave?" inquired
of the depot master. He sed direckly, and
| went in & sot down. l hadn't morn
fairly squatled afore dark lookin man
with swinister expression onto bis counte-
nance entered the cars, aud lookin very
sharp at me, he axed what was my princi-
pies?
"Secesh::" l anserd. "I'm Dissoluter.
I'm in favor of JEFF. Davis, Bouregard,
Pi,kens, Capt. Kidd. BIoobeard, Munro
Edards, the devil. Mrs. Cunningham and
all the rest of 'em.
"You're in favor of the waris
"Certingly. By all means. Tn in IA
vor Of this war and also of the next war.
I've been in favor of the next war for over
sixteen years!'
"War to the knife:" sed the man.
"Blud, Fargo, blud~ sed l, tho them
words isn't origernal with me. Them
words was writ by Shakespeare. who is ded.
His mantle fell onto the author of 'The
Seven Sisters" who's goin to have
Spring overcoat made out of it.
We got under way at larst an proceed
ed on our jerney at about the rate Of speed
which is ginrally obsarved by properly con-
Quoted funeral professions. A hansonle
yong gal, with red musketer bar on the
back part of her he'd, and sassy little
black hat tipt over her forrerd, sol in the
seat with me. She wore little Secesh
flag pin'd onto her hat, and she was goin
for to see her troo love, who had jined the
Southern army, all so bold and gay. So
she told me. She was chilly and offered
her my blanket.
"Father livins" axed.
"Yes SIR
"a heap. Uncle Thomas is ded, tho"
"Peace to uncle Thomas's ashes, and
success to him 1 will be your Uncle Thom-
as! Lean on me, my pretty Secesher, aud
liDger in Blissful reposer' She slept on as
socoorly as in her own housen, and didn't |
disturb the sollum stiffness of the night |
with 'ary snore.
At the first station troop of sojers en-
tered the cars and inquired if "OId Wax |
Works" was on bored. That was the dis
stile in which they referred to |
me. "Becawz if Old Wax Works is on |
boreaa," ;" seq man wifi face like dou-
ble-brested lobster, "we're going to hang
Old Wax Works!" 50
"My illustrious and patriotic Bunmersr'
ses i, gittin up and takin OFF my Shappo,
'if you alude to A. Ward, it's my pleasin
1ooty to inform you that he's .ded. He
saw the erIer of his ways at Is minits
oarst yesterday, and stabbed bisself with
! stuffed sledstake, dying. in five beautiful
abloos to slow moosic! His larst words
vas: "Mt perfeshernal career is overl l
ERIK no more !" 5. .a
"And who be youf'' -a,r
"I'm stoodent in Senator Benjamin's
aw offs. I'm goin up North TO steal sum
spoons and things for the Southern Army"
This was satisfactory and the intossicated
went orr. At the next station
he pretty little Secesher awoke and sed
he must git out there. ] bid her kind
ldoo and Civ het some pervisions. SAC
,ept my blessin and this hunk of ginger
,read" sed. She thankt me muchly
md tript galy away. There's considera-
Die human mater in man, and I'm afraid
shall alters Civ aid and comfort to the
,nemy if he Gums to me in the shape of
! hice young gal. lar aaos
At the next station 1 didn't git orf so
sasy. / was dragged out Of the cars and
rolled in the mud for sevril miniis for The
purpose of "takin the conseet out of me-"
ss Secesher kindly stated. .fa
was let up finally, when . powerful
arge Secesher came up and embraced me,
and TO show that he had no hard feelins
sgin, me put his nose into my month
| returned the compliment BY placin my
stummick suddenly agin bis right foot,
when be kindly made a spittoon Of his q.
ble-bodied face. Actooated by adesire to
zee whether the Secesker had been vaxina-
ted, I then fastened my teeth onto his left
,~.t .loo.,o .cd tovo - ~ Tho ehorfda, :.