Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-11-02
incidents OF the War.
REBEL GEESE AND CHICKENS.

troops were making preparations for a
fight with the rebels, there might have
been seen in a tent not far from Airing.
ton Hights, a number of officers sittin 9
around rudel reconstructed table, upon
which were two geese, several chickens,
a portfolio, and paper, pen and ink.
Beyond the lines that formed the Of
fetal circle, stood soldier, without
cap, belt, or side arms.
The Judge Advocate took his seat,
and thus formed what the reader may
readily suppose, a court-martlas.
The disarmed soldier was charged
with killing and capturing two geese
and two chickens, and titus violating
an order of the Commanding General,
preventing torcible taking of person
al property. A court martial in such
times, though not wanting in dignity,
IS generally hurried to conclusion.
The charge was read, the evidence
was elected, aud it seemed to weigh
heavily on the prisoner. He stood with
downcast looks, when presently the
Judge Advocate said:
Sir, you have heard the charge, and
the evidence adduced to sustain it. 1t
has been proven by the most positive
evidence that you did, early on the
morning of the fifth of July, boldly lev
ell your musket loaded with round ball
and buck shot, and then did discharge
the weapon, the contents thereof taking
effect in the vital parts oftwo geese or
ganders, and two chickens,th proper
ty of some person or persons unknown.
Thus you did, on that especial occa-
sion, violate the order of the command
ing General, which was issued to pre-
vent the killing, manning, chasing or
wringing the necks Of any geese, chick
ems, ducks, goslings, pigeons, cows,
sheep, goats, bulls, calves, sows, hogs,
boars, roasting pigs, or any other do
mesticated animal Of whatever form or
nature. Now, sir, what have you to
say why sentence should not be pro-
nounced upon you?"
"Sir," said the prisoner, raising his
head and revealing the features of an
irreprcssible Yankee, Il acknowledge
that all the evidence adduced is true,
so far as it goes. The motives, how
ever, which prompted the act, are known
only within my own buzzum, and [
should like to have a record Of them
made in mitigation of my punishment.
Judge Acknowledgment freely and
slowly Clerk, be sure and record every
word"
Clerk-"Yes es, sir; proceed, prisoner"
Prisoner-"M -"May it please yer gentle
men, that the celebration of our national
Birthday Anniversary famed the flame
Of my patriotism into an eternal conha-
grafton. My buzzum was boilin' over
with the warm elixer of Elife, liberty, and
the pursuit of happiness.' felt happy,
then, as much SO as if were celebrat-
ing the birthday of my country at my
gay and happy Green Mountain home,
far up in the State of Vermont. / felt,
sir, that | could of eaten jeff Davis for
breakfast, lunched on Beauregard at
eleven, served up Wigfall at three
o'clock ordinary, and made my supper
on the hull army OF trebels. l bad scorch-
ed my eyebrows-singed my whiskers
-pealed the skin from my face-burnt
my fingers, and got piece Of a percus-
sion cap in my eye, on firing the thir-
teenth round in the general celebration
of the everlasting, glorious old Fourth.
But l didn't keer for all this yere
| was patriotic was determined to
be patriotic, and early on the morning.
of the fifth | felt particularly savagor-
Gus, and thought I'd take a morning
stroll in the jews of the valley. hadn't
got along very far fore [ sees the geese
and chickens comm along.
"Wall, as said afore, felt 4 mig hty
sight of patriotic feeling in my buzzum,
and, jist to keep up my speerits, whis-
tied Yankee Doodle, and then listened
to the echoes comm back from the
woods, soundin' for all the world, list
like my own mountain home. I tho't
the woods were all for the Union.
felt glorious. | whistled again and
again, and SO aid the woods. Wall, as
I said afore, the geese came along, and
I increased the sound of my whistle -
l put my fingers in my mouth and did
jist SO. (Here the patriotic prisoner
gave blow that would have done NO
discredit to Pennsylvania locomo.
tive), l got about half way through the
tune, when the geese set up an eternal
almighty hissin', and stuck their long
necks and heels at ne. Crotch all
hemlock, and gosh mighty, but fred
up; l was all possessed and hilin' over
with patriotism and glory, and ses I,
darn ve-veNl hiss Yankee Doodle.