Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1861-08-01
gREVITIES.

ing at.
Az apothecary who is continually
troubled with inquiry for the time, was
asked the other day, "Please, sir, tell me
what time it is.''
"Why gave you the time not min
ute ago y said the astonished apothecary.
Eyes, SIR" replied the lad, "but this
is for another woman
The Southern beauties have adopted as
their own style OF hoops heretofore con-
fined to the Indians, viz the war-whoop.
"WnY are potatoes and wheat like the
idols of old % because they have eyes
and see not ears have they and hear not.
A girl recently stole a pair of gloves,
giving as q reason that she only wished
to keep her band in
WHEN an Irish girl was asked, few
days ago, where her mistress was, who
had gone to water cure establishment,
she replied that her ladyship had "gonc
tosoak'"
A rural poet, in describing his lady
love, says "She is as graceful as wa
ter lily, while her breath is like an armful
of clover" His fate is certainly ap-
preaching a crisis.
TIE death of printer is thus described
in an English paper George Wood
stock, the Of his profersion, the type of
honesty, the ! of all ; and although the
Efs" of dea,h has put a to his exist ence,
every s OF his life was without !"
"'TINTIoN % exclaimed an Irish scar
geant to his platoon, front face an tind to
rowl call AS many of ye are present
say Here = and as many of ye as is not
present will say 'Absint -
SPEAKING Of apples, it is rather re-
markable that the first apple in Paradise
should have turned out the first pair
WHERE q girl has too many boys about
her, the indication is like that Of coys off
harbor, shallowness here
a western village having passed an or
dinance of iorbiddiug taverns from sell
ing liquor on Sunday to any person ex-
cept travellers, the next Sunday nearly
every man in town was seen with car
pet sack in one hand and cane in the
other.
JULEPs are in season and so is the story
of the broad backed Kentuckians who
went down to New Orleans for the first
time. Whskey, brandy, and plain
drinks, he knows, but as to the compound
and favored liquors he was n know moth
ing. Reposing on the seats Of the bar
room of tho St. Charles, he observed a
crowd of fashionables drinking mint ju-
lips.
"Boy." said he, "bring Inc glass Of
that beverage.
When he consumed the cooling draught
he called the boy again.
"Boy, what was my last remark ?''
"Why, you ordered n iulip."
"That's right, don't forget it; keep
on bringing 'em.
WHIcH is the best way of retaining n
young woman's affection? By not re-
turning them.
IFyou mary soldiers wife, your child
rem will bc hot-house plants.
AT what point do armies generally en-
ter hostile cities? At the point Of the
bayonet.
MANY persons seemtofeela great solic-
itude for your souls welfare, who are en-
trely Indifferent to your body's.
CoLp in the head isn't half so common
as cold in the heart, but it is a great deal
oftner complained OF,
SOME tasteful individual very correctly
remarks that the greatest lip salve in ere
alton is q kiss; the remedy should be used
with great care, however. rs it is apt tc
bring on an affection Of tie hean.
YOUNG ladies are said to like cold
weather because it brings the chaps tC
their lips.
The real victim of coquette is tn,
man she thinks she honors by marrying
him.
The chairman of a political meeting
seeing roudy who was raising his arm
to throw n stale egg at him, bawled ou
-"Sir, your motion is out of order"
"MA, get down on your hands and
knees q mnuet. please" "What on
earth shall do that for, pet?" "Coz
want to draw an elephant"
INITIATE the example of tho locomotive
''o 'Nhn oiOIlS, NhloNlco pNtl ms NOIN
and yet never takes any thing but wate
to wet his wistlc
'ls it very sickly herc?" asked sol
Of the Emerald Isle the other day of 1
brother lrishman. "les," was the reply
"a great many have died this year thai
never died before"
IHE companion for an evening, and
the companion Cor life, require very diff
ierent qualifications.
He that is too good for service is toe
good for his nciShbors company.
DEATu is the only master that take,
his servants without u character.
WHAT comprises mans life? His fol
lies. his faults and his misfortuncs. THAI
ID about all
CHILDREN are sensible of the slightes
injustice. Let parents Icmehcr this.
The Day Book says: at is one Of tn,
"Articles OF War" that it shall be con
sdered death to stop cannon ball"
Why is aman paying his note at tn
L., Cutl 30, l. a 1