The Cass County Republican. [volume] (Dowagiac, Mich.) 18??-1880, 1861-07-04
Artemus Wards Show Confiscated.

You have perhaps wondered where
abouts I've bin for many dase gone and
past. Perchans you spose'd I'd gone
ta the Toom of the Cappylets, tho /
don't know what those is. It's a pop
Ter noospaper Erase. a-t ba,asrsa. Cd
Listen to my tail, and be silent that
we may here. I've been among the Sc
seshers, earnin my daily peck by my
legitimit perfeshun, and hayn't had no
time to weeld my facile quill for I" the
Crate Komick paper" if you'll allow
me to kote from your troothful adver-
My success was skaly, and like
wise had a narrer scape of my life. If
what I've been threw is " Suthern hoss-
pitality," bout which we've hearn so
much, then ] feel bound to obsarve that
they made two much of me. They was
altogether too lavish with their atten-
shuns. i;.,. r...,e.,r.,H b.,e Go1-.-..
/ went among the Seseshers with no
feelings of annermosity. went in my
perfeshenal capacity. / was actooated
by, one of the most Loftiest desires
which can swell the human Boozom,
viz Ito Civ the people their moneys
worth, by shown them Sagashus
Beests, and Wax Statoots which I ven.
ter to say air onsurpast by any other
statoots anywheres. / will not cal
that man who sez my statoots is hum.
bugs a lier and a hoss thief but bring
him be4 me and I'll wither him with
one of my. skornful frowns.l eielarJ
But to proseed with my tail. In my
travis threw the Sonny South i heard
heap of talk about Seseshin and Dustin
up the Union, but /, didn't think il
mounted to nothin. The politicians in
all the villages was swearin that Ole
Abe (sometimes called the Prahayrie
fower( shouldn't never be noggerated
They also made fools of themselves ir
varis ways, but as they was used to thai
didn't let it worry me much and the
Stars and Stripes continnered for te
wave over my little tent. Moor over
was Son of Malty and a member o.
several other Temperance Societies, an6
my wife she was a Dawter of Malty
an sposed these fax would secoor me
the inHoonz and perfection of all the
fust farmerlies. Alas Twas dispint-
ed. State after State seseshed and i
growed hotter and hotter for the under
sined. Things come to climbacks in
a small town in ,Alabamy where, I wa.
premtorally ordered to haul down the
Stars g Stripes. A deppytashun O
red faced men cum to the door Of my
tent ware / was standir takin money
the afternoon exhibishun had com
menst and my Italyunr organist wa
Ijarkin his sole-stirrin chimes.) "W,
air come, SIR. said milingtary mar
in a cockt hat, "upon hi and hole,
mishun. The Southern Eagle
screamin threwout this; sunny land
proudly and defantly scramin, Sir p
! whats the matter with him." Sc
I, adon't hisivittles sit well on his Stun
mick p. - -.
,aThat Eagle, Sir, will contin,nner t
scream all over this Brite and tremen
JUS land p - - 60, ra,a-,4 ad,
&c ';t"H WALL let him scream. If you
Eagle can amuse himself by screamir
let her wentr' The men annoyed me
for / was Bizzy maxim change, ,.sd
]. HWe arc cum, Sir, upon a matter
dooty-n[ .r.........o ,s,.f. IN,
: You're right, Capting. It's ever
mans dooty to visit my show" sed
: "We air cum
lof" And that's the reason you ar
|; here y sez l lar6n one of my silver
larfs. I thawt if he wanted to goa
e I'd Civ sum of my sparklin eppygraml
/" Sir, you're inserlent. The plai
question is, will you haul down the Sta
Spanglede Banner, and hist the Soutf
ern flag ?" 4oI nca Faa-- - o,,+e
"Your wax works and beests is the
9 confsticated, q you air arrested as
q . Spyr' n@s a.os.d ,sgf s7odt So.
4 sez I, "My fragrant roses Of u
g Southern cline and Bloomin dafdodil
N what's the price of whisky in th
J, town, and how many cubic feet OF tn
, hold p" ''- fs'i' y l'oIll = s'i :
Le7T They made no reply to that, but sal
".~r