Delaware State journal and statesman., 1861-11-15
HUMOROUS.

my f''' NEr
Sir said lady to woudbe wog, your
Jokes put me in mind OF ball. 'Of ball,
madam Why so pray Because they never
have any point
A man coming to pay his rent bill, rendered
ms landlord very ragged looking bank-noic,
ut the same time ap0logizing for its dilapidated
appearance. Your apologies are unnecessary,
said the landlord; you are only doing what you
shdud-paJing rent BILL
It is shame husband, that have to sit
here mendug your old clothes Don't say
word about it, wife; the least said the soonest
mended.'
q merchant, lately advertising, for n clerk,
who could bear confinement received
swer from one who had been ten years in the
state prison
bankrupt was condoled with the other day
Tor his embarrassment 'Oh, Tm not embar-
iassed at all, said he; it's my creditors that are
embarrassed'
Didu you warrant that this horse would
not shy before the fire of an enemy?' No
more he won't. 'Tisn't Iill after the fire that he
SHES
A merry-andrew, on being asked why he played
the fool, repled:-' For the same reason thnt
you do--out Of want You do il for the want Of
WIZ ana do 1t for the want Of money
shoemaker has one great advantage over
most Kinds of mechanics-his goods, whenever
finished, are always sol(e)d.
Wei, Robert, how much did your pig werhY'
IL diuut weigh 81 much ms | expected and
always thought it wouldn't
In former times cannon received queer names.
hKe SHIPS OF war Charles V. had twelve pieces
oi artillery which he facetiously styled the
Iwelyc Apostles, and sixty FOUNDER Is shown
at Dover Castle, England, which is called Queen
AhS@beths pocket pistol.
sluibhs desires to know if figs are sold at
zen cents pound by the drum how should they
Ut ne sou by the trumpetY' and If S25 per ton is
W 'ne pfice OF iead IN sheets, what it would be
worth by the qure?
Inackeray' when speaking of the comparative
merits OF American and English hotels, winds
up with the confession, America is the noor
mans faindlse, England the rich mans Eden
woman m love is very poor judge Of
character. She eau see nothing but excellence
where others sec nothing hut shallowncss anil
ro'tenness Ditto on the other side with man
IN love only more SO
young man ut Niagara, having been crossed
IN love, walked out to the prccpce, gave one
lingering look at the gulf beneath him, and
in bed.
Men Of talent are often the capiives of beau
tiiul fools. But thcrc is one consolaiion-thsv
90 not long remain capiiyes, or they soon coaec
to bc men of talent.
gentleman having presented his cburob with
the Ten Commandents,' it was wittily said that
them. wy
Because you happened to be born under a
particular star, do not imagine that YOU came
into TIC world for any unnatural object
How to punish hungry man Drive steak
INTO him, as they used to do into the suicides
a Scotch STUDENT supposed to be deficient in
judgment, was asked by Professor in the
course of his examination, how he could discover
a fool.
By the questions he would ask," was the
prompt reply
The ugliest trades, said Jerrold, 'hage their
moments of pleasure. Now, if / were a grave.
digger or even haDgman, there are some people
could work for with great deal of enjoyment
man down East has invented yellow spceta-
eles Tor making lard look like butter. They are
great saving of expense if worn while eating
sehoolmastcr said to himself | am like IN
hone l sharpen number Of blades, but wear
myself out in doing it,
The man who tried to arrange his hair with n
honeycomb has been trying to catch whale on
a sandy-hook.
You may gather rich harvest of knowledge
ny reading; but thought is the winnowing
machine.
Keep the horrors At arms length. Never turn
n blessing round to see whether it has a dark
side TO ii.
1t ia said that words hurt nobody neverthe,
less Samson .jared thousand Philistines to
death.
WHY is the world like piano? Because it is
full Of sharps and flats.
Motto for tailors-'As ye SOW SO shall ye rim
There is Gaelic provcib: 'If the best mans
faults were written On his forehead, it would
make him pull his hat over his eyes
A recent philosopher discovers n method to
avoid being dunned. How ?-how ?--how p
everybody asks, Never run in debit
poultry fancier lately procured picture of
Il favorte hen, which was so natural that it laid
on his table for several weeks,
Nothing, perhaps, strikes the car more plea
sanity than n pretty woman's charming voice
except, perhaps, her charming hand.
To make II girl love you, coax her to love
somebody else. II there be anything that wo-
lie always needs n truth for a handle to it.
The worst lies are those whose handle is true and
whose blade is false.
An appeal "to arms'-A sqnalliug baby,
Ills a bold stroke to stroke a lions name.
a good thing in muss--A mus ket
The age for solier-For-age
What is the difference between an accepted
4 ..nsa doll
and The other misses his kisses.
Two acquaintauces meeting ou wet day, the
one greeted the other with " Beautiful rain,
this, sir fetching things out of the ground"-
Second friend, diseonsolatey; Hope not, sir
hope not. Got two wives there"
mad Princess Of the House of Bourbon, on
being asked why the reigns Of queens were, in
general, more prosperous than the reigns Of
kings, replied, " Because under kings, women
govern : under queens, men.
When we asked a man, few days since what
induced him TO make a law student of his son,
he rcplied oh, he was always a lying little
cuss and thought I'd humor his leading pro-
pensity.
Well, Patrick, said the doctor, how do you
feel to-day Y Och, doctor, dear, enjoy very
poor health intirely. This rumatics is very dis
hessin indade when go to sleep lay awake
all night; and my toes is swelled as large as
goose hens egg, SO when stand up fall down
Immediately
cit is very difficult to live, said a widow, with
seven girls all in genteel poverty. 'You must
husband your time,' said snge friend. ia
rather husband some Of my daughters answer
ed the poor lady.
Joe, why were you out so late last night -
1t wasn't so very late-only quarter of
| twelve How dare YOU sit there and tell ma