The Oxford intelligencer., 1861-04-10
-6ORARS.=s.
4. !. an heaa. 10 dc ts- Jas,.s ssat,s.

i
Why are mirrors silenti Because they
are always rejecting. nvrlluuT
| "A ben pecked husband deelaed that the
longer he lived the more he was smitten.
hoaA crusty old bachelor says be thinks that
it is woman, and not her wrongs that ought
to be redressed. me ? H''''
IY you wish to be certaina Of what you
get, never marry girl named Ann-because
IAN" is an indefinite article. a..
T thought you told me, doctor, that
Smiths fever had gone r. 'Oh, yesl--
but it and Smith went together
AN exchange says the French distillers
are making brandy out of coal. That brandy
is what "Villikinss would call sscoal pizin."
A young lady shouldn't be unhappy be-
cause she isn't quite as tall as she would
like to be. 1t is very easy thing to get
"spliced."
"ALBERT. what city is that you are going
to next fallP' asked Anna of her beau.
"If YOU have no objections, I'm going to
Have Anna.n srsqs % aziuQ0J~ saA n
PRENTICE says flowers and pretty girls are
sweeter the more they are pressed. We
guess he is decidedly in favor Of the freedom
of the press. Ditto. .DoE
A medical writer Institutes the inquiry
whether married or single women live the
longestl Wives are not apt to last long un-
less they are well husbanded. yo
"How long did Adam remain in Paradise
before he sinncdp asked an amiable spouse
of her husband. ''Til he got a wife!' was
the crusty reply of the ''brute." 1ll on,
A gentleman coming into the room of the
LITE DIR. Barton, told him that Mr.. Vowel
was dead. "What," said he, "Vowel deadl
Thank God it is neither nor T." soy
HERE is something worthy trial: Dig
well around the roots Of your fruit trees and
put about two quarts of china berries in to
prevent the insects from killing them.
A contemporary inquiries if the young ladies
of the present day are fitted for wives. A
much more important inquiry is, whether
the young men are fitted for husbands. ~
PoErrc.-'Tis poetry that decks the gran
itc HduncsS VI Tcdlt( Win tuC tchuOi anu
clinging ivy of sentiment, and covers the
hard angles of facts with the velvet MOSES
of imagination.
HIS Inkatic Majesty, our Devil, says that
there is many woman that is able to hold
a prancing horse, and yet can't hold her own
tongue. The naughty boy-we'll punish
him by giving him a-holiday next Christ
mas.
Or all degraded mortals, smiling, fawn-
ing, sycophantic backbiter is the most dis
gushing. lie only lacks the physical courage
to stab you in the dark, and the power to
change his candied words into chalice of
poison, tas
TIE Cleveland Plaindealer, comparing the
staple products of the North and South,
says "Cotton is convenient, to be sure, but
corn is necessity. A man may live with
out shirt, but what can he do without
whiskcyF
"DuRING one hundred and thirty-one
years, ending in 1872" said mild member
of the Peace Society, "England spent sixty
five years in war and sixty-six in peacew
"Well, suppose she did," said belligerent
John Bull, "hant the holds in favor of
peace"
Men sometimes think that the high, dark
cliffs of sorrow will darben their stream of
life forever; but suddenly the green and I'M
dulatng meadows spread far away in pasto-
raj beauty, and the daisies bloom along the
banks where the willows hang with bending
gracefulness. ~ ~
"NiY son, would you suppose that the
Lords Prayer could be engraved in space
no larger than the area of a half dime g'-
"Well, yes, father, if half dime is as large
in cverybody's eyes as it is in yours, l think
there would be no difficulty in putting it on
about four times"
TIE addition of "ah y to a sentence, in
oxhortstion, is considered by some as essen
tial aid; but sometimes il has a very ludi-
crous ctfect-as in the case of the man who
said, that though in the early part of his life
he had been opposed to good, 'for twenty
years he had been living on the Lords side
ah r.
A cat caught a sparrow, and was about to
devour it, when the sparrow said: "No
gentleman eats till he washes his face" The
cat, struck with this remark, set the sparrow
down. and began to wash his face with his
paw, but the sparrow flew away This vexed
puss extremely, and she said: "As long as
live will eat first and wash my face after
wards" which all cats do to this day.
A schoolma'm in one Of our district schools
was examining class in photography -
"Spell and define floweret," shcrsaid. "F-l-
o-w-e-r-e-t, little flower" went off a little
tow-head, in perfect streak. "Wayelet."
"W-a-v-e-l-e-t, little wave, twas the prompt
return. "Bullet." "B-u-l let, little bullr
shouted urchin number three, who was in
nocence personified Schoolma'm "cayed."
GENTLEMEN of the jury" said Western
LAWYER, II don't mean to insinuate that this
man is covetous person, but I will bet you
FIVE to one, that il you should bait steel
trap with a few three cent pieces, and place
it within three inches of his mouth, you
would catch his soul. 7 would-the court
and gentlemen of the jury would not
trust him in room with a milestone, and
the angel Gabriel TO guard it" 30 Es'sa3 -
A good joke is told on one of the new re-
cruits of the army at Barrancas. Col. For
new lately visited the fort; and on his APP