Smyrna times., 1861-06-13
J0Y IN THE HOUSE OF WARD.
Artemus RejOices over Twins.

trust these lines will find you iniOyin the same
olessns. I'm reguvinaled. I've found the
immortal waters Of yeoth so TO speak, and am
as Timber and frisky as two year old steer,
and IN the futer them boys which sez to me ego
up old Bawld he'd" will do so at the peril of
their hazard individooally. I'm very happy.
MY mousse is full Of JOY, and have to git up
nights and larf! Sumtmes | ak myself " is il
not dream z" and suthin withinto me sez " il
air" but when | look at them sweet little
critters and hear 'em squawk, know il is
reaiity-2 realitys. l may say-and feel CAV.
returned from the summer Campane with
my unparaleld show OF wax works and livin
wlld Beests OF Pray in the erly part Of this
munth. The peple of Baldnsville met me cor
DULY and lmmejitly commenst restin myself
Win my tamery. The other mite while [ was
uoWh 10 the tavurn tostln my shlns agin the
bar room fire a. amusin the krowd with sum of
my adventurs, who shood cum in bare heded g.
terrible excited but Bill Stokes, who sez, sez
he' "Old Ward, there's CRATE doins up to your
house"
See |, William, how so !''
See he Bust my gzzurd, but its crate do.
ings,' d then he larfed as if heed kill hisself
See |, risin and putin on austeer look,
william J wo0dunt be fool if had com.
mon cents"
the face, when he fell over on to the bank
WHARF, the hOsller sleeps and in a still small
voice sed. "Twins!' ! ashure you gents that
the grass didn't grow under my feet on nv
way home, q was tOlered by a enthusiastic
lhrong OF my teller sltterzuns, who hurrard for
va " ara at the top OF their vOises. | found
the house chock full Of peple. Thare was Mis-
I square Baxter and her three growA up darters.
Lawyer Parsunses wife, Taherthy Ripley. young
Eben Parsuns, Deakun Simmuns folks. the
Skoolmaster, Doctor Jordin, etsettery, etsette.
ry. Mis-. Ward was in the west room, which
Jlnes the kitchin. Mis-. Square Baxter was
mlxIn suthin in dipper before the kitchln
hre, d small army of female wnin were
rushn wildly round the house with bottles Of
camhre, peaces of hannil, &c. | never seed
slch hubbub in my natral born dase. | Good
not stay in the west room only mint go
strung up was my feelns, so | rusht out and
ceased my dubbaI barrild gun.
What upon airth ales the man 7" sez Tab.
erthy Ripley. "Sakes alive, what air you do
In!" d. she GRABBED me by the coat tales
"What's the matter with you g. she contin-
nerd.
Twins marm," sez ], twins! ~
"l know it" sez she, GOVERN her face with
her apurn.
well" sez I, ",hat's what's the matter
with mel"
"Well, put down that gun, you pesky old
fool" sed she.
mo marm," sez |, "this is Nashunal day.
The glory of this here day isn't confined 10
Baldlnsville by darn site. On yonder wood.
she'd sed |, drawin myself up to my full hiie
and sPeakIn IN show actin voice, {" will fire
a Nashunal saloot" sayin which iared my.
: self from her grasp nd Tusht to the ton of the
! | ID
! ter's hired man and my son Artemus Juneyer
cum and took me down by name force.
On returnin to the kitchn | found quite a
lot of peple seated bed the fire, a talkIn the
: event over. They made room for me and
sot down. "Qute episode" said Doctor
Jordin, litn his pipe with a red hot coal.
eyes," sez |, "2 eppisodes, waying about
Is pounds jintly."
"a perfeck coop de tat" sed the Skoolmas.
ter.
: "E pluribus unum, in proprietor persony -
sed ], thinkin I'D let him know | understood
n turin langwidges as well as he did, if wasn
= a skoolmaster.
alt is indeed a momentious event" SEQ
young E6en Parsuns, who has been 2 quarterl
= to the Academy.
d 81 never heard twins called by that name
f afore," sed I" but spose it's all rite"
awe shall soon have Wards enuE" sed the
. editor of the BaldInsville Bugle of LiJertv
c who was lookin over 5unde of exchange pa
d Pers ia the corner, "to apply to the legislator
d for city charter!"
q "Good for you old man !" sed I, Civ that a i
conspicius place in the next Bugle"
y "HOw redclus," sed pretty Susan Fletcher
q coverln her face with her knittin work s. arfir
,f like all possest.
/. "Wall, for my part" sed Jane Maria Peas
ley, who Is the crossest old made in the world
- al think you all act like pack of FOOLS"
e See l., Mis-. Peasley, are you parent?"
l. Sez she "No amt"
Sez | Mis-. Peasley you never will be-"
She left.
We sot there talkn g. larfin till the switchil
\ hour of mite when grave yards yawn & lost
- = troop 4th," as old Bill Shaksepire aptIee oh
- serves in his dramy of John Sheppard, esq O
IS the Moral House Breaker, when we broke u
: and disbursed.
e Mu,her e. children is doing we'll; g. as Res
!" olushuns is the order of the day will fec
- obIeeged if you will insert the follerin---
WHEREAS, two Eppisodes has happened u
= to the undersined's house, which is Twins; 4
WHEREAS like this stile, sade Twins bein q
"a "a the male perswashun g. both boys; there4 B
- it
ie Resolued, that to them nabers who did th
,O Iare thlng Oy saue bPP'soueShy mart leI' 'ho NIX
= is doc.
y ResoIued, that I do most harlily thank En-
50 jine Ko. No. IL who, under the imPreshun fror
70 the fuss at my house on that auspishus nit
that thare ives konfagrashun goin on, kur
" galyantIy to the spot bot kindly refraned fruI
- squirIin.
w. ResoIued, that frum the Bo,tum of my Sol
do | thank the Baldinsville brass band fur givi
M up the idea of SAranadin me, both on that graf
l., mite & sinse.
of RESOLVED, that my thanks is doc sewers
i. . members of the Baldinsville meetin house VIII
n fur 3 whole dase aint kalled me sinful skoift
m or entrested me TO mend my wicked vase an
a jine sade meetin house 10 onct.
81 ResotUed that my Boozum teams with men
kind emoahuns lords the folerin individooul
#.. Ef,