Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1861-08-22
Kissing Yankee Doodle.

king warlike preparations tor light with
the rebels, there might have been seen in
tent, not far from Arlington Heights, num-
Der of officers seated around rudely con-
structed table, upoE which were two geese.
several chickens, a port folio, and paper,
pen and ink.
Beyond the lines that formed the official
circle stood soldier, without cap, cartridge
box, belt, musket, or side arms.
The Judge Advocate took bis seat, and
thus formed what the reader may readily
suppose a court martial.
The disarmed soldier was charged with
killing and capturing two geese and two
chickens, thus violating an order of the Com
manding General preventing the forcble ta-
king of personal property. A court-martial
at such times, though not wanting in digni.
ty, is generally hurried to conclusion.
The charge was read, the evidences was eli.
cited, and it seemed to weigh heavily on the
prisoner. He stood with downcast looks,
when presently the Judge Advocate said:
" Sir, you have heard the charge, and the
evidence adduced 10 sustain it, 1t has been
proven by the most positive evidence that
you did early on the morning of the fifth of
July, boldly level your musket, loaded with
round ball and buckshot, and then did dis
charge said weapon the contents thereof taxi
ing effect in the vital parts of two geese or
ganders and two chickens, the property of
some person or persons unknown. Thus you
did on that occasion violate the order of the
commanding General, which was issued to
prevent the killing, manning, chasing or
wringing the necks of any geese, chickens,
ducks, goslings, pigions, cows. sheep, goats.
bulls. calves, sows. hogs, boars, roasting pigs.
or any other domesticated animal cf what
over form or nature. Now. sir, what have
you to say why sentence should not be pro-
nounced upon you2
"Sir," said the prisoner, raising his head.
and revealing the features of fan irrepressible
Yankee, "I acknowledge that all the evil
dence adduced is true, SO far as it goes. The
motives, however, which prompted the act
are known only within my own buzzum, and
l should like to have record made Of them
in mitigation of punishment.
Judge Advocate" Speak freely, and
slowly; Clerk, be sure and record every
word"
Clerk" Yes, sir proceed prisoner"
Prisoner" May it please yer, gentlemen,
that the celebration of our National Birthday
Anniversary famed the flame of my patriot.
ism into an eternal conhagration. My buzz
yum was boilin' over with the warm elixer
of !" life, liberty, and the pursuit of happi-
ness" | felt happy, then, as much SO as if
1 were celebrating the birthday eff our coun-
try at my gay and happy Green Mountain
home, far up in the State of Vermont. l
felt, sir, that could have eaten JEFF. Davis
for breakfast, lunched on Beauregard at
eleven, served up Wigfall at three o'clock
ordinary, and made my supper on the hull
army of rebels. I bad scorched my eye
brows -singed my whiskers-pealed the
skin from my face-burnt nay fingers, and
firing the thirteenth round in the general
celebration of the everlasting, glorious old
Fourth. But didn't keer for all this yere
1 wos patriotic-I wos determined to be pa
triotic, and early on the mornin' of the 5th I
felt particularly sivagorous, and thought I'd
take mornin' stroll in the jews of the valley.
I haden't got along very far fore 1 secs the
geese and chicken comm along.
"Wall, as said afore, | felt mighty
sight of patriotic feeling in my buzzum, and,
jist to keep up speerits, I whistled Yankee
Doodle, and then listened to the echoes
comm, back from the woods, soundin' for all
the world jist like my own mountain home
l thought the woods were all for the Union
l felt glorious, I whistled again and again,
and so did the woods. Wall, as said afore,
the geese came along, and I increased the
sound of my whistle. put my fingers in
my mouth, and did jist SO. Here the patri-
otic prisoner gave blow that would have
done no discredit to a Pennsylvania loeomo-
tive) got about halfway through the
chune, when the geese set up an etarnal al-
mighty Kissing, and stuck their long necks
and heads at me-"
''Crotch all hemlock, an gosh mighty, but
fred up; was all possessed and bilin' over
with patriotism and glory, and says I, darn
ye-ye'll hiss Yankee Doodle. will you? Now
darn ye, take that and 5lazed away, and
two chickens dropped
A smile played on the faces Of the mem
bers of the court-martial, and there was a
deal of suppressed laughter.
(" But the chickens, sir-the chickens
quickly replied the Judge Advocate, biting
his lips they did not hiss ?"
"Wall, no sir" they did not hiss; they
seemed to be held in reserve to cover the re
treat of the rebel geese, and they fell beesuse
they were IN bad company.
The next day the soldier was on duty, none
the worse for the court-martial What be
came of the geese and chickens never could
be accurately ascertained.
nkSE Renresentativa I0veinv nf Tllinois