The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1861-12-14
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curious invensioas hass bssp brought 70
light BY the ingenaity Of our people. The
veId . freqaensly sssounded By some Won
derful discovery Of ours. either in science,
philosophy, or metsphysies-bus the last
md the most earious invention that has
come uuier my observation i one that has
recently been drawn fron the deep and dark
reoeeses Of natafe, BY the inventive genius
Of an omcial Or this Territory. have ex-
.amined i. in detail, but must confess am
unable to comprehend il. ! hardly know
whether 70 esrss the author OF my being
for not giving ne the power Of understand
ing, or curse him for endoxing soma others
With such superhuman intelligence thas az
ordinary mind may be unable to compre-
hend their wsys and Inventions. ! will ad-
mi. this late invention is complicated
structure il may have been eoncsived and
brought forth BY Inspiration, as ! under
ssand il author has lately turned his atssn-
sion to the investigation Of the Holy Writ,
and especially to the Songs and Proverbs OF
Solomon, and the Ten Commandments. (he
is particularly interested in the seventh
chapter Of S,Iomoo's Songs.) Il is entirely
unlike the discoveries Of Fulton, Franklin,
or Morse, a. i. partakes more Of spiritual
character, although It's application is earthly
Il seems to me 70 have had iss origin from
40 imnaserial Substance. It cannot, how
ever, be operated without human agency
and 10 the more curious from the fact that it
cannot be made to run without being well
creased with what is known as filthy lucre.
It can also be Of general and universal
adoption, and am credibly informed that
an act Of Congress anwiftingiy led this in
ventirs genius into the train Of thought
which produced this prodigy. The appro.
pria.ion Of four hundred millions Of dollars
for war purposes caused this invention
Such sum Of money is sufficient to inspire
many siuggard with bright thoughts, and
I presume i. has done 50 even out in thi:
Territory. seit.
Our invention could be stolen BY out.
siders, bu, hope it will not bs-les Its
author have ell the glory, and the patent
for it. 1t consis,s Of two parts-both in,
.eres,ipg-one incidental to the other. II
do expose it, am fearful some other mar
may adopt it for his country before oui
government issues patent to its author,
from the fact, that the Department are in
trouble about they, too, are nnas lie to
understand it. Not to prolong the subjec'
any farther, the invention is this: $40 free
our land from rebellion" occupy these
smcun,ain fas,uesses-these snow covered
mountain s.ra.ege,ical points in and fol
Colorado" rr.... ..a..
But, how is this interesting, which will
next be eschexed All will admit this il
very important subject. The answer Is a
simple as the alphabet, even if do not IN
derstaud it, which is this I: 10 buy all ths
| old guns out ofths hands OF the Union mer
Of the Territory, at prices ranging from
three to twelve dollars apiece, and ohargs
the government for the same guns prices
ranging from twenty to sixty dollars apiece
| after which distribute these guns among tn,
same Union men, free Of charge, and other
wise spend, or try to spend, about one
million Of dollars Of Uncle Sans money il
saying soldiers: ....
Moreover, draw drafts on the Treasury OIL
the United States, and sell these drafts e
miners for :heir sdust.' This is the whole
thing. l, cot this wonderful invention
Who dare deny it 2 Who ever conceived
the idea Of buying cd guns Of Union men
before Gov. Gilpin, and drawing drafts
on the Treasury as on bank
1t is reported by ,hos, - the secret, thai
this invention was matter O.. mature oe'
liberation--that after the appropr's wa'
made by Congress, the Governor sat Z own
and figured up that he was justly entitled to
spend one million Of this money in this
Territory, for war purposes, but the ques.
ton was, how to getis. Hence The inven-
ton.
1t was agreed by the Governor and some
two or three irresponsible friends, that
they should represen, this Territory to be
in the most imminent danger of falling into
the hands Of the ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS u
great hubbub and s,ir-send messengers to
St. Louis, Washington, aud other places,
with the most passionate appeals for help
buy all the old guns, ponies, etc., posi-
ble-issue drafts to large amount, get up
an army, and trust to influence to get the
indebtedness paid. II is universally be-
hered the Governor had no fears Of the
sec"ssionis,s in the irss place, but he sim
ply wanted to spend money in this Terrific
~, and be distinguished in this war as we'll
As other men. He imagined be vas going
to make himself an Ajax.-a modern Her
cules 10 this country. these we're the origi.
nal motives which inspired our army into
existence.
Bot no sooner had the thing began to
move than the Governor imagined war
actually upon him. He was frightened, ike
that fam 'us "War Horse," 1t tho shadow
be bad created. Most terribly did be trem
bic. He "saw treason stalking along on
every corner OF the Streets" and on one
holy Sabba,h--af.er his army numbered
about eight hundred mcn-hs resolved TO
nike one bold charge into the eoemy's
camp, aud forever Dive treason from bis
:. straseee,isal points,"
lie put supreme writ into The hands Of
the q. s. Marshal, commanding him TO
afrees treason in \ certain store OF this city.
The Marshal, in obsdseses 70 his command,
proceeded With s~o unarned deputies,
boldly into the eoemy's camp, and arrested
then and there, from ansng the numerous