The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-11-27

than in labor.
- Forget not that human virtue is n
polished steel, which is rusted with a
breath.
= A down-east butcher advertises for
an assistant ".who can make both ends
meat"
= Jack Leland wants the music of the
" March of Time," arranged for a full
band. , a'r
= Cotton needs the same things that
are needed by its masters-bagging and
rope.
: Pleasure, like quicksilver, is bright
and shy. We perhaps seize it and find
it rank poison.
"A hemp crop has been raised in Ken
tucky, and it can't be wasted. 1t must
be used either in bailing cotton or hang
ing traitors.
= Throw piece of meat among
bears and purse of gold among mon,
and which will behave the most outra-
geousl ly-the men or the beasts?
= The Mobile Register says that the
Confederates will fight this war to the
bitter end. Possibly they may find the
end great deal bitterer than they think.
= A teetotaler on bcing told that
temperance men were band of robbers,
said, f" Yes, they have robbed the poor
house and the state prison of their vic
Tins"
- A man in California lately under
took, on bet, to bite through six pies at
one mouthful, but was stopped by tin
plate that some one had placed between
them.
al believe the jury has been noc-
ulated with stupidity" said lawyer.
"That may be-" said his opponent,
I" but the bar are of the opinion that you
had it in the natural way"
-" Mike, an is it yourself that will
be after tcllin' me how they make ice
creams |"
"In truth can; don't they bake them
in cowld ovens, to be surel"
- A considerable number Of secession
lists, after long and desperate search af.
ter their rights, have fortunately found
them in Fort Warren. Others will prob
ably be soon looking for theirs in the
same quarter.
=" Docs the razor take hold well 2"
inquired darkey who was shaving gen
tleman.
Yes" he replied, with tears in bis
eyes, Z" it takes hold first-rate, but don't
let 90 worth cent"
"A lady in Rhode Island, who has
brother who was in the battle of Bull
Run, on being asked what position he oc-
cupied in the army at that trying time,
replied, with proud nod of the head,
that he was the driver of an avalanch.
"Billy, my boy" said a short. sight
ed and rather Incorporate father to bis
son, a bright-eyed little fellow of about
five summers, "did you take my glasses n
No, father, but mother guesses as
how YOU took 'em fore you come home.
- An editor down South says he wo'd
as soon try TO 60 to sea on n shingle, stop
the tongue of an old maid, chase streak
Of lightning through a.crab-apple orchard,
swim up the rapids of Niagara river, as
to stop two lovers getting married when
they take it into their heads TO do so.
A lawyer in Pittsburg recently Oh
served to the bench: "If your honor
pleases wo will discontinue that suit; the
plaintiff is a bankrupt, aud the defendant
was sent to the Penitentiary the last term
Of the Criminal Court"
"Very good and substantial reasons
said his honor, and the suit was dismiss.
ed.
- During the very warm weather a
party made q sea. excursion, and finding
the day delightful and pleasant, one oi
the ladies remarked TO the captain that,
while the weather continued so hot, she
would like to be captain herself very well.
He replied in most gentlemanly man
ner, that he would not object to her be-
coming captains mate.
= Al debating club, the question
was discussed, whether there was more
happiness in the possession or pursuit OF
an objects
"Mr. President" said the orator, "sup.
pose was courting a gal, and she was &c
run away and | was to run after her
wouldn't l be happier when cotched hel
than when l was running after her?p
= A girl forced by her parents into .
disagreeable match with an old man whom
she detested, when the clergyman came
to that part of the service where the bride
is asked if she consents to take the bride
groom for her husband, said with grea
simplicity:
40, dear, no, sir; but you are the frs
person who has asked my opinion abou