Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1861-01-23
lFoR THE STAR.
YOCkUP SCHMIDT'S LITTLE BIGs.
BY WILL RAYMOND

lFoR THE STAR.
YOCkUP SCHMIDT'S LITTLE BIGs
BY WILL RAYMOND.
/ was comfortably seated at the breakfast
table one morning last week, leisurely slipping
my customary matutinal beyersge-I beg your
pardon, coffee and not whisky-and Mt the
same time looking over the morning papers in
search Of the not-always-to- be-found grain of
wheat in a bushel of chaf wondering as read
whether might not immortalize myself and
obtain place in ''Abraham's bosom by the
invention of patent truss for the rupture of
the Union; was, L say, thus engaged, when
was startled from my propriety by an alarm
Ing ring at the dOOr-bell, which, reasoning
from effect to cause, must have proceeded from
"a long pull, strong pull, and a pull alto
gether, too alarming in its intensity for nerves
like mine Fancy ooDjured up horrid visions
of some irate and MOTTO be- put-off- So by-a-
d-n-sight dun with his ''little bill" or
and trembled-some one of the victims served
up tor the delectatiOn of the reading public by
their humble servant "the reporter has
found me out, and is down on me like thou-
sand OF bricks" My trepidation increased as
i heard my name called by a voice like a nor.
wester, then Betty's soft pit-a-pat along the
Passsge, followed by very masculine tramp.
All doubts were soon dispelled, however, by
the abrupt entrance Of a broad faced, SQUAT
built, square-sterned Dutchman, who vouch-
safed. by way of salutation, not even a "gute
morning"
Not the least obeisance made he,
Not moment stopped or staid he"
but opened conversation ct cnce by the obser-
walton, ''Ah hah W
This was rather indefinite, and I ventured to
ask, :. What can do for you, sir '''
All hah :" said he again, with a mysterious
air, got some news for der baper"
Having been 'dead beat" in ny search for
Items" the evening before, this remark at
Cuce arrested ny attention, and hastily set
down my cup, pushed back my chair, placed
my hands on my knees, pricked up my ears,
and heard, 10 anticipation, startling and horrid
murder, awful catastrophe, Grim. con assault
and battery, man drown-ded, or, perhaps, all
these in one
Sit down, sir, said l. impaticutly, feeling
Tor my note book and pencil; Proceed; saw
your say, 90 on"
My visitor, with Teutonic phlegm, deliber-
Htely tucked a coat tail under each arm, leis-
urely backed himself into a chair, put his
thumb into his pipe as an extinguisher, and
thus began
You know keeps lager bier house rount
der corner nit der canawI, unit der tam row.
dies plague me plenty dimes, unit cooms in der
night dimes unit balnt all ofer mein house
United Shtates Hotel, py Yockup Schmidt,
entertainment for man unit peast,' unit dew
cooms in unit prakes dings. unit bizen mein tog,
unit cut of mein oats dali close, so close as
never was, unit dat tam Mike Crowley he hol-
lers after me in der shtreet, Wake up, Sha-
kup' Old Shake, goes down der cellar and
shtings himself nit pumble pee, unit old
Deutche Shake, goes ofer der riffer unit pites
himself nit a shnake.'"
''Pshaw," said L, impatiently.
w hat for you say 'pshaw' 2'
Nothing" said /; ''go on; 90 on''
say noding for long dimes, for fraid der
rowties purn me up; but one day soon peen
down down shtreet unit when 1 goes home meets
Mike Crowley COON out mein house. What
der tuyfel you do here?' L dells him. Il get
your wife to go to singing school nit der gals,
he say. catch him. unit kick him in der De-
hint side of his pody, unit dell him, You COON
here some more dimes unit see what will do
mIt you Never mind he say, 1 cooms
back here tonight nit der poys, unit you unit
your tam frau look out / say to mein frau
Got fer tam, what you do nit Mike Crowley?
L desch you for sing some dings,' unit gets
some bistOls unit shtick unit goes down to
watch, put 1 gets shleepy in der night unit
makes ped down dere unit shleeps unit tream
i see Mike Crowley put mein wife arOunt his
arm unit kiss her unit eyerydings, unit get 80
Ead wake up unit hear great noise unit
shquealing unit
Yes, said 1 breathlessly, "you heard
screaming and you
"Yaw, L hear sbquealing, unit gets I'D unit
listen, unit den dinks / hear Mike Crowley
say Kill her, tam her. kill her pOys;' unit
den more shquealiIg unit
Yes," said /, hitching up my chair and
opening my eyes a peg wider, You rushed out
and
.'Nein, nein gets up unit puts on mein
pritches unit dinks got no matches. I goes
! up shtairs stumbling Ofer der dark NIT every
dinks, unt calls BOlly, BOlly,' unit hear no.
ding dere; but blenty noise down shtairs all
der while, unit fnt der matches, unit light der
lamp, unit, meiD Gott, no BOlIy in der ned
nor unter der ped, nor on top der ped, nor any-
where's. l goes down unit hears no noises now
unit den l beePs out unit see nopody, uut den
get mein shtick unit open der door, unit mein
Gott in himmel, blood Everywhere all down
der garten all der way goes erlong, unit"
Fresh split blood :" said /, nervously,
" wet blood -
Yaw, he was wet; unit 1 goes down unit
sees him all der way to der big ben, unit l
looks Ofer, unit mein Gott-'
- You saw your NJ"
Yaw, saw mein COW unit two bigs is gone
art want you shall put him in der baper dree
tollsrs rewsrt; shtolen mein SOW unit two little
bigS, plack uut white unit white unit plack mt
short aerS unit dails mt no marks pout him"
Confound you and your pigs" said I in
dignantly, O. was in hopes-I mean 1 thought
your wife was murdered or had eloped-run
away With Mike Crowley"
= "Nein, nein mein frau get scared in ped
nit herself, unit 90 shleep NIT her sister, unt
luffs me 30 we'll as anypody.'
Well. what did you tell me that rigmarole
about Mike Crowley for"
Well, pliefs Mike Crowley shtole mein-"
Yes, yes" said / ''good morning sir, I
to-" And determined to revenge myself for
my disappointment by giving Schmidt place
IN 4" der baper as well as q Schmidt's little
bigs"
Il A Missouri correspondent writes: II