Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1861-11-01
SHE WILL AND SEE WONT.

D0estIckS seems 20 De resuseited DY mSr-
riage, though too much disposed to initiate bis
nother-in-law. He says;
"One reason why ID is SO difficult to please
women is that she seldom kuows herself what
she wants. In most eases it is as hard to sat-
isfy woman as it wouldibe to content cap
tain who should tell you to steer his ship aud
wonldn't tell you whether he wanted to 60 to
Jersey or Japan. They wouldn't be satisfied
whatever you do.
ESPECIALLY in the matter of war.
"ParticuIarly in the matter Of the present.
war. Your wife, or mother, or sister ,sor who
ever may be the woman that owns you, refu.
ses to be content, no matter what sou do. If
you don't join military company. she sulks,
insinuatea you are coward, turns up her nose,
and wishes she was man. Ii you Go join
said company, she scolds about the expense,
grumbles about The loss of time, and growles
whenever you go to drill-thougb, in spite of
her growing, she always saves the ehoisest
part of the dinner when you do come.
"Tben she laughs at you, and calls you
dressed-up monkey the first time she sees
you ic uniform; aud then, as soon as you are
gone out of the house, she rushes over to Mrs.
Jones to tell what ssplended officer her hus-
band IS, and how magnificent be looks in bis
new military dress.
"Then, If your regiment is ordered away,
and you insinuate that business Affairs viii
keep you at home, all her fire is blazing in an
instant, aud sue upbraids you for stacking out
at the critical moment, and insinustes that you
are playsboy soldier aud then she wishes
that she were shed show folks how to
fight. Taeu, when you finally make up your
mind to go to the seat of war, she bursts into
wet tears (which spot your new uniform aud
tarnish the gold lace on your sleeves) and
thinks you, ought to be ashamed to go off aud
leave your family She VOWS she sdon't be-
lieve you care straw for your wife, or cent
for your sweet children she 'knows you would
rather be anywhere than at home,' aud 'wishs
es she we're man, she'd teach the President
better than to send men away from their fami>
lies.'
''Then when the day comes for you to start,
she vows that she will 'never speak to you
again if you persist IN going Then, when
you take paper out of your pocket and pre-
tend 70 read a furlough from the eommandant,
excusing you, and giving you leave to stay at
home, she throws her apron over her head, sits
down on the floor, and howls aloud, 'to think
that she should have a coward for husband
shat her husband should be afraid to go to
the war; AMI ten, wi el you tell her that its
ali mistake, and that yeu are going after all,
she howls louder than ever, because she knows
you wili be killed. or she feels it in her bones
that you'll come home with two wooden legs,
aud then how can you take her TO the Acade-
my on opera nights? Then she resorts ia turn
to every one Of the immense list of female taos
tics to keep you at home--she weeps, she BAN
ters, she pokes fun at you-she wishes she was
a man-she gets mad-she sulks--shs threat
ems to go home to her mother--she coaxes-
she won't ever live with you another day
she scolds, she entreais, and. as last resort,
she faints-in this case che always falls into
your arms, if you make an offer TO catch her;
if you don't offer, and if it's early in the morn
ing, and she hasn'i made her bed yet, she'll
fall on the carpet so as not to muss the bed; If
the fainting dodge don't work, and you still
are resolved to 60, she VOWS she 'hates you
and that she'll never speak to you again. and
then, to prove the bitterness Of her bate she
goes off packs your haversack full of all the
dainties and delicacies of the season. then, afs
ter all, at the very last moment, she comes and
throws her arms around your neck, and whis~
pers that she 'lovss you best of all 10 the
world and that she'll tbe suck good girl till
you come back, and that she'll stake suct good
care of the Children and that you mussn't
fret about her, and that she'll write every
blessed day, and that you must write just as
often as you can, and that she 'loves you best
best, BEST and thousand messages only for
you, but all kind and loving and all told with
out tear. for she doesn't cry now untIl Won
are out of the house; and when you are gone
she Weeps like shower bath tor half an hour,
then suddenly stops short, wipes her eyes. and
doesn't waste another tear till she sees you a.
gain
"That's the way they ell do; and, talk as
peacefully as you can, she is never satisfied in
her heart till she sees you in uniform"