Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-09-30
DoestIcks Respectfully Inquirethi What
do the Women Want us TO do About the


DoestIcks Respectfully Inqufrethi What
do the Women Want us to do AbOut the
Ware
One reason why it is so difficult to please
n woman is, that she seldom knows herself
what she wants. In most cases it is as
hard to satisfy woman as it would be to
content captain who would set you to
steer his ship, and wouldn't tell you whether
he wanted you to 60 to Jersey or to Japan.
They wouldn't be satisfied whatever you do.
Especially in the matter of war. Particularly
in the matter of the present war. Your
wife, or mother, or sister, or whoever may
be the woman that owns you refuses to be
content, no matter what you do. If you
don't join military company, she sulks,
insinuates that you are coward, turns up
her nose, and "wishes she was man." If
you do join said company, she scolds about
the expense grumbles about the loss of
time, and growls whenever you go to drill;
though in spite of her growing, she always
saves the choicest part of the dinner for you
when you do come.
Then she laughs at you, and calls you a
dressed up monkey" the first time she
sees you in uniform and then, as soon as
you are gone out of the house, she rushes
over to Mrs. Jones to tell what splendid
officer her husband is, and how "magnii-
cent he looks in his new military dress.
Then, ifyour regiment is ordered away, and
you insinuate that business affairs will
keep you at home, oil her fire is blazing in
an instant, and she upbraids you for " back
ing out" at the critical moment, and insinu-
ates that you are "play-boy soldier';" and
| then she wishes she were q man--she' d show
| folks how to fight. Then, when you finally
| "a 10 90
she bursts into wet tears which spot your
new uniform and tarnish the gold lace on
your sleeves, and thinks "you ought to be
ashamed to go off and leave your family
She VOWS "she don't believe you care 6
straw for your wife, or o cent for YOU
sweet children;" she "knows you would
rather be anywhere than at home" anC
"wishes she were man, she'd teach th,
President better than to send men away
from their families"
Then, when the day comes for you to star
aehe vows that she "will never speak to yol
again if you persist in going" Then, Nhel
you take paper out of your pocket, anc
pretend to read q furlough from the com
mandant, excusing you and giving you leav
to stay at home, she throws her apron owe
her head, sits down on the floor and howl
aloud "to think she should have coward
for her husband"-that her "husbanC
should be afraid to go to the wars" Ant
then, when you tell her that it's all a mis-
take, and that you are going after all, sh,
bawls louder than ever, because she know
you will be killed." or she feels it in he
bones that you will come home with TIVE
wooden legs, and then how can you takC
her to the Academy on opera nights? Their
she resorts in turn to every one of the i'm
mense lists of female tactics to keep you al
home; she weeps, she banters, she poke'
fun at you-she wishes she was man-sht
gets mad-she sulks-she threatens to e
home to her mother-she coaxes-shC
"won't ever live with you another day
she scolds, she entreats, and, as last result
she faints-in this case she always fall!
into your arms, if you make an offer t
catch her if you don't offer and if it's early
in the morning, and she hasn't made hel
bed yet, she'll fall on the bed but if tht
bed is nicely made up, she'll fall on thC
carpet so as not to muss the bed; if the
fainting dodge don't work, and you still are
resolved to go, she VOWS she hates you
and that she'll never speak to you again,
and then, in order to prove the bitterness
of her hate, she goes off and packs you
| haversack full of the dainties and delicacie
of the season then, after all, at the very
last moment she comes and throws he
arms around your neck, and whispers tina
"s she loves you best of all in the world,
and that she'll be such good girl unit
you come back" and that she'll take sue
good care of the children" and that "yo1
mustn't fret about her." and that shell
write every blessed day, and you mus
write just as often as you can, and that sh
Gloves you best, best" and thousan
other little messages for you, but all kim
and loving, and all told without tear-fo
she doesn't cry now until you are out O
the house; then when you are gone sh
weeps like shower-bath for half an hour
then suddenly stops Short wipes her eyes
and doesn't waste another tear till she see
you again. That's the way they all 60
and, talk as peacefully as you can, she
never satisfied in her heart till she sees 20
| in 11nifopTn