Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1861-06-01
ARTEMUS w..RD THE SOUTHERN
tONFEDERACY
THE SHOW IS CONFIscATED. =

lFrom vanity Fair, May Is
You hav perhap wondered wharebouts was
for these many dase gone and past. Perchans
you sposed I'D gone to the Toomb of the Cap
pylets tho don't know what those is It's a
poplar noospaper Erase
Listen to my tail, and be silent that We NAV
here. I've been among the Seseshers, a earn
In my daily peck by my legtmlt perfeshun,
and hayn't had no time to weeld my facile
Quill for "the Crate Komick paper if yoa III
allow me to kote from your troothful advortis-
ment.
went among the Seseshers with no feelins
OF annermosity. 1 went In my perfeshunal
capacity. was actoosted by one of the most
Loftiest desires which can swell the human
BooIum yiZ.:-to Civ the people their moneys
worth, by shown them Sagashus Beests, and
Wax StatOots which yenter to say air onsur-
past by any other statoOts anywheres. will
not call that man who sez my statoots is hum
bugs lier and hoss thief, but bring him be
me and Pll wither him with one of my skorn-
full frowDs.
But to proseed with my tail In my travils
threw the Sonny South heared heap of talk
about Seseshin and Dustin up the Union but
didn't think ii mounted to nothin. The poll
ticians In all the villages was swearn that Old
Abe sometimes called the Prahayrie fower)
shouldn't never be nogserated. They also
made fools of themselves in varis ways but as
they was used to that didn't let it worry me
much, and the Stars and Strips continnerd for
TO wave over my little tent. Moor over, was
Son of Mslty and member Of several other
Temprance Societies, and my wife she was a
Dawter Of Malty. and sposed these fax would
secoor me the infloonz and peftection of all the
fust fsmerlies. Alas, / was dispinted State
arter State seseshed and it crowd hotter and
hotter for the undersined. Things come to
climbmacks in q small town in AIabamy where
/ was peremtorally ordered to haul down the
Stars Strips. deppytashun Of red faced
me nm To tha door IS far,f Il
standin takin money (the afternoon exhibish-
IN had commenst, and my 1talyun organist
was jeTkin his sole stirrin chimes) I'VE air
cum, sir, said millingtary man in a cockt
hat, upon hi and hOley mishun. The South
ern Eagle is scresmin threwOut this sunny
land-prOudly and de6antly screamin, sir,''
What's the matter with him." ses I,
"aOn't his yittles sit we'll on his stummick?''
"Ihat eagle, sir, will continner to scream
all over this Brite and tremenjus land."
''Wall, let him scream If your Eagle can
amuse hisself by seresmin. let him weutn'-
The men annoyed me, for / was Bizzy maxim
change.
1--WE are cum, sir upon a matter of duty"
You're right, Capting. ITS every mans
dooty to visit my show" sed 1.
1--WE air cum"
''And that's the reason you are here., sez
l, larfn one of my silyery larfs. thawt if
he wanted to COAX I'd Civ him sum of my
sparklin eppygrams.
'Sir, ysu re inserlent. The plain question
is, will you haul down the Star-Spangled Ban
ner, and hist the Southern fag?"
Mary hist" Those was my reply.
"YOur wax works and beests is then contis-
ticated, you air arrested as a Spyi'
Sez l, My fragrant roses Of the Southern
cline md Boomin daffodis what's the price
OF whiskey IN this town, and how many cubic
feet Of that seductive fOoid can you indiyid-
oJally hold?"
~ ,naI.
wax hggers was confsticated. / axed them il
that was ginerally the stile among thieves in
that country, TO which they also made no re-
ply. but sed [ was arrested as Spy, and must
go TO MOntgOmry in iuns. They was by this
time jined by large crowd of other Southern
patrits, who cOmmenst hollerin Hang the
bald-headed aberlitiolist, and bust up his i'm
moral exhibition" was ceased and tied to
stump, and the crowd went for my tent
that waterproof pavilion, wherein instruction
and amusement had been so muchly combin-
ed, at Is cents per head-and tore it all to
pieces Meanwhile dirty faced boys was
thrown stuDS and empty beer bottles at my
massiv brow, and takin other improper liber-
ties with my person. Resistance was useless
fO- variety of reasons, as I readily obsarved
The Seseshers cOnfsticsted my statoots by
snashin them TO attums. They then went to
the money box and confscated all the loose
change therein contained. They then went
and bust in my cages, lettin all the animales
loose, a small but helthy tiger among the rest
This tiger has a excentIic way Of tearin dogs
TO peaces, and l alters sposed from his gineral
cOndusk that he'd hav no hesitashun in seryin
human beins in the same way if he could git
at them. Excuse me If L was crooil, but l
lsrfed boysterrusly when 1 saw that tiger
spring In among the people. "Go it, my
sweet Gus :" inardly exclaimed, II forgiv
you for bitin of my left tbum with all ny
heart. Rip 'em up like bully tiger whose
Lsre has been inv AIDED by Seseshers!''
/ can't say for certain that the tiger serisIy
injured any Of them, but as he was seen a few
days after sum miles distant, with a largo and
we'll selected assortment Of seats of trOWsis in
his mouth, and as he lookt as tho he'd bin
hayin sum vilent exercise, 1 rsyther guess he
did. You will therefore perceive that thew
didn't confsticate him much.
was csrrid to Montgomery in iuns and
placed in duraDs vial The Jail was a ornery
edi6ss, but the table. was libralIy SUPPLIED with
Bakin and Cabbidge. This wss good vsrie-
ty, for when didn't banker after Bakin
could help myself to the Csbbidge.
had nobody TO talk to nor nothing to talk
about, howseyer, and was very lonely speci-
ally on the first day; so when the jaler parst
my lonely sell put the few stray hairs on the
back part of my he'd I'm bald now, but thare
was a time when l wore sweet auburn ringlets)
into as dish -heyild state as possible, d rollin
my eyes like a manyyuck, cried: 90 Stay,
jsler, stay! / am not mad but soon shall be if
you don I bring me suthin to Talk" He
brung me sum newspapers, for which thsnke ed
him kindly.
At larst I get a interview with Jefferson
Davis, President Of the Southern Conthieve-
racy He was quite perlite, and axed me to
sit down and state my case. did it, when he
larfed and sed his gallant men had bin q little
? enthusiastic in confsticatin my show.
Yes" ser I, "they confsticated me too
muchly. / had sum HOSES confsticated in the
same way onct, but the eonfsticaters air now
poundin stun in the States Prison at Injin-
nspylus."
dwall, wall, Mister Ward, you air at lib
erty to depart; you air friendly to the South, /
know. Even now we hav many frens in the
North, who sympathises with us, and won't
mingle with this fight"
~. Davis, there's your great mistaik.
Many Of us was your sincere trends, and
thought eertin parties among us was fussin
about you and meddlin with your conssrns
intirely too much. But J. Davis, the mint
YOU 6re gun at the piece Of dry-goods called
the Star-Spangled Banner, the North gifts up
and rises en- msssy, in defence of that banner.
I'll. .,sI he