Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-10-02
From the Atlantic Monthly for October
An Admirable Fable by DR.. Holmes
The Front Teeth and Grinders.

j Once on a time a mutiny arose anon!
the teeth of a worthy man, in good healtt
and blessed with sound constitution, com
monty known as Uncle Samuel. The cut
ting teeth or inciSorS. and the eye-teeth, Ol
caniRev, though not nearly so many, al
counted, moi so large nor 50 strong as Tho
grinders, and 10y no means so white. but
on the contrary, very much discOlOred, be-
gan to find fault with the grinders as moi
good enough company for them. The eye
teeth. being very sharp and fitted for seiz.
ing and tearing, and standing out taller
than the rest claimed to lead them Pres.
cntiy one of them complained that it ached
very badly. and then another and another.
Very soon the cutting teeth, which pretend
ed they were supplied by the same nerve,
and were proud of it. began to ache also.
They all agreed that it was the fault of the
grinders.
About this time, Uncle Samuel having
used his tooth brush (Which was never 4
good one, having no stiffness in the bris-
ties. for four years. took a new one, rec
commended to him by a great number of
people as a homely but useful article.
rhereupon all of the front teeth, one after
another, declared that Uncle Samuel meant
to scour them white. which was thing
they would never submit to. though the
whole civilized world was calling on them
to do so. So they all insisted on getting
out of the sockets in which they had grown
and stood for SO many years, But the
wisdom teeth spoke up for the others and
said:
Nay. there be but twelve Of you front
teeth, and there be twenty of US grinders.
We are the strongest, and good deal near
est the muscles and the joint, but we can
not spare you. We have put up with your
black stains. your jumping aches and your
snappish looks, and now we are not going
to let you 90 under the pretensc that you
are to be scrubbed white if you stay. You
don't work half SO hard as we do, but you
can bite the food we'll enough, which We
can grind so much better than you. We
belong to each other. Ycu must stay"
Thereupon the front teeth, first the ca
mines or deg teeth. next the incisors or cut
ting teeth. proceeded to declare themselves
out of their sockets. and no longer belong
ing to the jaws of Uncle Samuel.
Then Uncle SCmuel arose in his wrath
and shut his jaws tightly together, and
swore that he would keep them shut till
those aching and discolOrod teeth of his
went to pieces in their sockets, if need
were. rather than have them drawn. stand
ing as some of them did, at the very OPEN
in, of hiS th-aat and Stomach.
And now, II You VIII please 10 oUscr7ci
all those teeth are beginning to ache worse
than ever, and to decay very fast, so that
it will take a great deal of gold to stop the
holes that are forming in them. But the
great white grinders are as sound as ever,
and will remain so until Uncle Samuel
thinks the time has come for opening his
mouth. In the mean time they keep on
grinding in a quiet way, though the others
have had to stop biting for long time.
When Uncle Samuel opens his mouth they
will be as ready for work as ever, but those
Door discolored teeth will be tender for
great while, and never lie so strong as they
were Ief?re they foolishly declared them
selves out of their sockets.
The foregoing fable is respectfully dedi-
Gated to the SoulhIrn Piebs, who, under
the lead of their '.Pal ~ician' masters. have
seeded, >" like their Predecessors in the
days of Menenius Agrippa.