Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-01-31
9Dit aaA a5nmur.

Coon JoKE.-A ] afer while stoppiDp
al tavern up country, used to lounge about
the bar atf drink other peoples liquor. No.
Il glass could be left alone for a moment. but
he would slip up and drink its contents -
One day Il stage-driver came in, and called
for still horn Of brandy io.ldy. Jehu i'm 4.
mediately PLAYED possrm by leaving his BRAN
dy while he stepped TO the door. The bait
took On returning he saw his glass empty,
and exclaimed with all the diaboical horror
he could affect -
Brandy and opium enough to kill forty
men Who drunk that pizsn p
Il !! sta,nuise the !aaier, rstly t. yield
up the with alright
"loHr deld mln = said tie driver. .s
'Wha: shall d1?' beseechel thu o.L...
who thnng'it himself gone sucker.
I'D wa with a pint Of lamp oil. or yri're
deal E,In IN three minutes r. answer. the
wicketl driver. And down went the hmm
"il and mp came the brandy aud opun. 10.
gethcr with his breakfast TIE like VIA
told. and he has never drunk other people.
liquor since.
COMING Orr THE SAFE EIoLE-Atapro.
trnctel meeting held some time ago. Il hymn
was gwen out which contaued the Words
| IHtItS no SORROW there. ..t
At the close Of the hymn, Brother stood
up and shouted in voice Of thu .der.
''1es, brethern thar's no sorrow in Heay.
sn! And why not? Because, in the words
OF this beautiful hymn, thars no sorrer thar"
Tins brilliant deduction brought out by
stander, who observed,
-''Thats what call coming out Of tbs sam.
hole you went in at. friendl"
| WHEN ARE YoU GoIsG TO LECTURE AaAry1
about two years ago couple of temper
ance lecturers I'VE can name thelnl had bean
holding forth. in one Of our country towns.
| busners obtaining them rather late after tha
meeting, they went 10 tavern 10 put ND for
the night, rather than disturb the family
where they bad been entertained during
| tlicir stay. Now 1t was rum tavern wher,
they sought lodgings, and they resolved tn
get up betimes in the morning, pay their
bill, and leave before the folks were general
~ stirring. Early morning. founI them at
the bar paying rp, bat they were not alone.
A thirsty customer, whom the spirits had
wrapped up early was in the &C. Of takiny
his 'bittcrs' as they entered, holding his
tumb!cr in one hand, and the decanter ia the
other; he pausei on observing them. when all
at once he hiccoughed out, for he was full Of
the "oId drunk :"--"Ho dye dn-o. fhicl gon.
tmen G-a-ad to see We. Heard 70 talk
last night" Here he lifted his glass, and
with. good hell-th. genlmea," drank il
on. After smacking his lips, and wiping
his mouth with the cuff of hs c,at, ha a,tin
addressed our friends "When, r'ys g1ing
to lecture again, thicl gent'mln;I want {,
COON hear ye htl some t-t,lI talkr' I,..
night. no mistake IN IKE kont-srajie 'o.2r,,-
SION On me ihici, been dry ever duce.' Our
friends cavsd.--T!mperasce Visitor.
No MAx.--A wag happening t, 90 into
tho shop Of a tailor j'l,t AZ the latter s,s In
the act Of patching aiII an old garment with
new cloth, thus addressed the knight Of tho
5oikn:--
You rrc no man, AMI can provo It by the
highest authority
"Ho~s'?' replied the unsIispacting t,ilor.
as he pile his needle with rsdpnblel tivi,y'
Il shpul Ike to hear the oyiieuco o. your
assertion "
You shall he acco1oiltci, sir" s,v. tt,
%"g aN:ln2 at the same TING If he re.Ill,ct-
I'd Of ever having real the 1lssage In the
New Testament which declares th,t "no
nan pntteth a piece Of now cloth into AZ
Did garment "