The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1861-11-23
KISSING YANKEE DOODLE.

On bright day, shortly after the Fourth
OF July, when the American troops were ma.
king warlike preparations for fight with the
l Rebels, there might have been seen in tent
not far from Arlington nights, number Of
officers sitting around rudely constructed
table. upon which were two geese, several
chickens. portfolio. paper, pen and ink
| Beyond the lines that formed the official
circle stood a soldier, without cap, cartridge
box. belt or side arms.
The judge advocate took his seat, and
thus formed what our reader may readily
fsappose, court martial.
| The disarmed soldier was charged with
killing and capturing two geese and some
kchickens, and thus violating an order of the
commanding general preventing forc;ble
taking of personal property. A court mar
tial at such time, though not wanting at
all in dignity. is generally hurried to con-
| clusion.
| The charge was read, the evidence was
elected. and seemed to weigh heavily on the
prisoner. He stood with downcast eyes,
when suddenly the Judge advocate said:
'.Sir, you have heard the charge, and the
evidence adduced to sustain it. Il has been
proven by the most positive evidence that
You did early on the morning of the fifth
of July, boldly level your musket, loaded
with round ball and buckshot, and then did
discharge said weapon, the contents thereof
taking effect in the vital parts of two geese
or ganders and two chickens, the property
OF some person or persons unknown. Thus
you did on that especial occasion violate the
order of the commanding general. which
| was issued to prevent the killing, or MAIN
ing, or chasing or wrirging the necks OF
any geese, or chickens. ducks, goslings,
pigeons. COWS, sheep, goats, bulls, calves,
sows, hogs, bears, roasting pigs, or any
other donIesticated animal, of whatever form
or nature. Now, sir, what have you to say
why sentence should not be pronounced
upon you ?"
Sir" said the prisoner. raising his
head, and revealing the features of an ire
pressibIe Yankee, 81 acknowledge that all
the evidence adduced is true, So far as il
goes. The motives, however, that prompt
ed the act are known only within my own
buzzum, and 1 should like to have a record
of them made in mitigation OF my punish
ment.'
Judge Advocate" Speak freely but
slowly. Clerk, be sure and record every
word.''
Clerk" Yes sir; proceed. prisoner"
Prisoner" May it please yer. gentle
man, that the celebration of our nationa
birthday anniversary famed the fame Of
my patriotism into an eternal confiayi alton
Nv buzxum was boilin' over with the
warm elixis of life. liberty and the pursuit.
of happiness felt happy then. as much e
as if were celebrating the birthday of our
country at my gay and happy Green Noun
| tain home. far up in the State OF Vermont
I felt, sir, that | could have eaten Jeff Davi,
for breakfast, lunched on Beauregard at elev
en-, served up Wigfall at three O'Clock or
binary, and made my supper on the hui
army of Rebels. I had scorched my eve
brows, singed my whiskers, peeled the Skin
from my face-burnt my fingers, and go
a piece of a percussion cap in my eye on
firing the thirteenth round in the genera
celebration of the everlasting glorious old
Fourth But l didn't keer for all this yere
l was patriotic-I was determined to b.
patriotic, and early on the mornin' of the
1 fifth | felt particularly savaperous aud
jews of the valley. l hadn't got along
very far fore sees the geese and chicken:
comm along. Well, as | said afore, felt a
might sight of patriotic feelin' in my buz
yum, and jist to keep up my sperrits.
whistled y snkee Doodle, and then listened tc
the echoes comm back from the woods
soundin' for all the world just like my owl
mountain home. l thought the woods were
all for the Union. felt glorious. whis
tied again and again, and so did the woods
Wall as said afOre, the geese came and
!! increased the sound of the whistle. / pu
nv fingers to my mouth, and did jist 50
, Here the patriotic prisoner gave blow
that would have done justice TO PennsyI
vania locomotive-) got about half way
through the chune, when the geese sot up al
eternal. almighty hissin', aud stuck thei
long necks and heads at me. Crotch al
hemlock. an gosh mighty, but fired up
| was all possessed and bilin' over with pat
e riotism and glory, and says 1, Darn We
+; ye'll hiss Yankee Doodle, will yer? Now
darn ye, take that; and blazed away, AM
two Of the geese drapped.''
A smile played on the faces of the mem
bers of the court martial. and there was con
siderable suppressed laughter.
But the chickens, sir-the chickens,
1 quickly replied the judge advocate, bitin
: his lips. They did not hiss go
E Wall, no sir, they did not hiss, bu
a somehow they seemed to be held in reserv
& to cover thesrstreat of the rebel geese, an
they fell because they were in bad company
e The next day the soldier was on duty
none the worse for the court martial. VIVA
a became of the geese and chickens neve
could be accurately ascertained.