davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

/ the London prize ring. Sumtimes thay a
booz hisself Individually. They hev pulld
the most of his hair out at the roots s. he
wares meny horrible scar upon his body,
inflicted with mop-handles, broom sticks
& sich. Occashunly thay cit mad and
scald him with bilin hot water. When he
got eny waze cranky thay'd shut him up in
a dark closit, previsly whippin him arter
the stile of muthers when thare orfsprings
git Onruly. Sometimes when he went in
swimming thay'd 90 to the banks of the
Lake and steal all his close, thereby COM
pellin him to sneek home by a sireootius
rowt. dresst in the skaaderlus stile of the
Greek Slaiv. 81 find that the keers of a
marrid life way hevy onto me-" sed the
Profit, ''& sumtimes wish Ide renamed
singel." Ileft the Profit and startid for
the tarvern, where [ put up to. On my
way was overtuk by lurge krowd OF
MOrmins, which they surroundid me and
statid that thay was goin into the Show
free.
"Wall," sez I, ''ef 1 find a individooul
who is goin round lettin folks into his show
free, lie let you know"
We've had Revelaslun biddin us 90
into A. Wards Show without payin moth
inl'' thay showtid.
"Yes," hollered a lot of female Norm
Onesses, ceasin me by the cote tales &
swingin me round very rapid, "wer're all
gOin in freei So scZ the Revelashunl"
What's Old Revelashun got to do with
my show?' sez I, gittin putty riley. "Tell
Mister Revelashun;" sez I, drawin myself
up to my full hite and lookin round upon
the ornery krowd with a prowd & defiant
mean, "tell Mister RevelasAun to mind his
own bizness, subjeck only to the Konstitu-
tiOn of the Unitid Staitsp'
"Oh now let US in, that's sweet man."
sed several females, putin thare arms
rownd me in lovin stile. "Becum l of us
Becum Preest, & hev wives sealed to
you"
'.Not a seall' sez l, startin back i hor
rer at the idee.
"Oh stay, Sir, stay" sed tall. gawnt
female, ore whoos he'd 81 summirs must
hev parsd, "stay & 1e be your Jentle Ga
zelle."
Not eff l know it, you won't" sez Il
Ava you skanderlus female, ava Go &, (
be Nunnery." That's what [ sed, jes
50
"&I l." sed fat chunky female, who
must hcv wade more than two hundrid lbs,
Il will be your sweet gidin STAR
Sez l. "Ile bet two dollars and half
you won'tr' WHARF ear | may Rome lie
still be troo thee, Oh Betsy Jane! IN. |
B. Betsy Jane is my wife's Sir naime
Whilst thou not tarry hear in the
Promest Land?" sed several Of the misera-
bil critters
"Ilc see you all essenshally cussed bel
| Whilst - roared I, as mad as | Good be
at thare tarnashun internal nonccnts. l.
girded up my lions & fed the seen. /
packt up my duds & left Salt Lake, which
is a 2nd Sodom & Germorrer, inhabitid by
as theayin & onprincipuld set of rctchis
as ever drew breth in eny spot on the
Globe.
ARTEMUS WARD.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20
POLITICS AND CHEESE.

The following letter from Commission
house of Cincinnati to Messrs. Andrews
& Weeks of this place, may be of interest 2
to farmers and produce dealers. g. 81
CIScISNAr1. March 5. 1861 Sc
MesSrS. Andre1rS & WeekS, Warren,
Ohio: Gentlemen:-YO ours of 26th ult was
duly received and contents noted Con-
signments of nice table butter will be ae-
ceptable but We must now advise you. as
we do all who ask our opinion, not to ship
another pound of cheese of any kind to
this market this season, and for the follow
ing reasons:
The traitorous politicians Of the Gulf
States who style themselves Congress of
the Confederate States of America" have
established an import dlty on cheese of 81
per cent, on butter of - per cent, on
brooms of 24 per cent, and similar rates
on candles and all other manufactured ar
ticles in which there is a large trade be-
tween this city and those States. This
you will see adds near q cents per pound
to the present pric, Of Eng. Dairy Cheese
In the States which consume the most Of
what we sell, and it viii, in the present
condition of things there, amount to an al
most entire prohibition The masses of
the people of those States will live on the
cheaper staple articles that their dictators
cunningly admit free Of duty, till the ex-
isting pressure is removed 1t is worthy
Of remark that the very best flour thatYas
manufactured in Ohio, Indiana, or Ken
lucky last season was none too good or too
costly for many of our Southern customers
then. and that now nearly all who order
desire the very lowest in price that viii
make good bread. This shows clearly
what the fate of cheese will be with 2+
per cent.duty added to present prices, while ID
bacon, pork, -four, potatoes, &c.,are admit
ted free. ---.. -.f 81.
We fully believe the new Administrations
viii put down sll such impCsitions soon
as a firm, forbearing, dignifed course will
permit, but ii may require too much time =
to prevent disaster to the trade this season
The people of those States. already becom-
ing somewhat enlightened in regard to the
fatal consequences likely to result from
following unprincipled leaders, may, ere
long. arise and end the farce at once.
In closing, We remark that we have the
most positive assurances from residents of
the Cotton States that the whole force Of
the Gulf States will be precipitated upon
those in charge of the L. S. government 7
property within their territory Immediate
" after the new administration declines to
and acknowledge the separate
nationality of the new (paperA
Confederaey. If jeff Davis and his fel-
low conspirators have the recklessness to A.E
carry out this programme we may soon
see the political barometer at fever heat.
Yours, &c,
STRAIGHT, QEMING & co.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20
MisteIIancoas.
THE WIDOW COBB'S FIRST LOVE.
BY MARY ". STANLEY GIBSON.

The fire cracked cheerfuliy on the broad
hearth of the old farmhouse kitchen, cat
and three kittens basked in the warmth; and
a decrepid yellow dog lying full in the re-
hection of the blaze, wrinkled his black
nose approyingly, as he turned his hind feet
where his fore feet had been. Over the
chimney hung fine hams, and pieces of dried
beef Apples were festooned along the cell
ing, and crooked necked squashes wed with
red peppers and slips of dried pumpkin, in
garnishing each window frame There.
wore plants, too, on the window ledges-I
horseshoe geEaniums, and dew plants, and
a monthly rose just budding, TO say nothing
of pots of violets that perfumed the whole
place whenever they took it into their pur-
pie heads to bloom. The floor was care
fully swept-the chairs had not speck of
dast upon leg or round-the long settee
near the fireplace shone as if it had been
just vanished, and the eight day clock in
the rner had its white face newly washed,
and seemed to tick little more louder for
1t Two arm chairs were drawn up at
NoSy NASSoHOS lIOlH lu0 uedIlu anu clCH
other, candle, a newspaper, pair of
spectaclcs, dish of red checked apples
and a pitcher of cider, filed little
table between In one of these chairs sat
comfortable looking woman about forty
five, with cheeks as red as the apples, and
eyes as dark and bright as they had ever
been, resting her elbow on the table, and
her head upon her hand, and looking
thOughtfully into the fire. This was the
Widow Cob6-erelict" of Deacon Levi
Cobb, who had been mouldering into dust
in the Bytown Churchyard for more than
seven years She was thinking of her
dead husband, possibly, because-all her
work being done, and the servant gone to
bed-;he sight of. his empty chair at the
other end Of the table, and the silence of
the room, made her little lonely.
''SeFen years" so the widows reyerie
ran at seems as lift was more than fifty
and yet L don't look SO very old neither
Perhaps its not having any children to both
er my life out, as other people have
They may sly what they Ike-children
are more plague than prO6t-that's my
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

The Jacksonville Cn) Journal states
that q pair of fond lovers attempted to
elope from that neighborhood few nights
since but the young lady having forgot
ton her shawl, on returning to get it was
caught by her incensed mother and tied to
the bedpOst for the next twelve hours
The loving swain, after waiting out Of
doors until he was tired, went off alene
and diseonsola latc.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

PowER OF BIRDS SOXG.-When We
hear the song of a soaring lark, we may be
sure that the entire atmosphere between US
and the bird Is filed with pulses or undu-
lations, or waves, as they are often called,
produce by the little songster's organ of
voice. This organ is a vibrating instru-
ment, resembling in principle the reed of
a clariOnet. Let Us suppose We hear the
song of a Lark elevated to the height of
five hundred feet in the air. Before this
is possible, the bird must have agtated a
sphere of air one thousand feet in diameter
that is to say. it must have communicated
to seventeen thousand eight hundred and
eighty-eieht tons of air motion sufficient
ly intense to be appreciated by our organs
of hearing.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

Nor LosT.-A gentleman whose house
was repairing went one day to see how the
JOB was getting on, and observing num-
Der of nails lying about, said to the car
penter employed on the wOrk-"Why don't
you take care of these? nails they'll GER
tainly be lost. "-"No," replied the car
pcuter, ~ ,u'll find them in the BILL"
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

MAKING AN ExCEPTIoS-Itis is related Of
an elderly dandy, who was more noted for
running into debt than for paying trades
man, that he made an exception in favor
of his wig maker. that he might beenabled
to say that he wore his 'oWn hair"
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20
THE RUGGED PATH.
nREATHLEss INTEREST.

a BEAUTIFUL CUsTOM-BeautifuI, ex-
eeedingly. is the custom of burial among
the Mexicans No dark procession or
gloomy locks mmk the passage to the
grave; but dressed in itsholliday attire
and garlanded with bright, fresh flowers,
the little sleeper is borne tOits rest Glad
songs are sung and joyful bells are rung.
and lightly, as to festival, the gay group
goes its way. The child ixnot dead. they
say, but going home" The Mexican
mother who has household treasures laid
away in the campo SaRcto-God's s sacred
sweet faith only heard
elsewhere In the poets utteranee. Ask
her how many children bless her house.
and she will answer Five; two here,
and three yonder" So. despite death and
the grave, it is yet an unbrOken household.
and the simple mother lives the thought;
We are all hercl -, -f
Father, mother, q
Sister. brother,
All who hold each Other flcor
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

LAWYERS PAY-A pert young lawyer
once boasted to a member of the bar that
he had received two hundred dollars for
speaking in a certain lawsuit; the ether
replied. Il received double that sum for
keeping silent IN that very case. .
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

a man who Is not at heart ashamed Of
himself need not be ashamed of his early
condition in life. 81
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20
IFron Once a Week ]
WHAT!

She was working slipper; but she didn't
like fhst; ) u 2-.e -s-a .
She sang little melody, It wouldn't DO;
She tried to read little, then she played with
:, the cat;
and then she commenced anOte-''D earest,
why didn't you-?'
And then she tore it up, and then tried keep
still
And watch the spent sun as he dropped be-
hind the hill.
He was reading novel, but he didn't like
that;
sOhe took down his fishing-rOd that wouldn't
do;
Then he whistled to his dog. then he puton
his hat,
And then commenced note" Dearest, why
didn't YOU"
And then he tore it up, and then tried to keep
still
And watch the spent sun till he dropped be-
hind the hill.
The sun dropped. out of sight, and she walked
up the. lane.
He, too. quite by chance, of course, came a
long;
So they met, and they stopped not look
would either deign;
Then he said-nOthing, and Enaught had
she to say.
At last he looked up at her, and she looked up
why didn't you, dearest, st,''-"Dearest, why
didn't yOu7''
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

The man who confines himself to the
drink best fer him is ,ceR supplied.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

PEOPLE are seldom tired of tie wolll
until the world is heartily tired Of them.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20
FROM VANITY FAIR,
Our BOTANIsT AGAIN.

General Twiggs, who commands the
Southwestern division of the United States
armies. kas just surrendered all the Gov
ernment property in Texes. and further
more excepted commission from the State
of Georgia. 1t seems TO US that Twiggs
has literally put himself up a tree by this
move. The spring season is at hand, and
we would respectfully and bOtanically
suggest that it would be favorable season
for shooting Twiggs.
TIE RUGGED PATH.
\ city daily. in noticing the sale at
auction of sundry mysterious articles be-
longing to the chaste order known as the
Sons of Malta. says "the Rugged Path
was not sold" Members who walked
over it were, however
DREATHLESS INTEREST.
twenty-five per cent 1t takes mans
breath away to think Of it.
THE SOUTHERN CROSS -. 4
An OctorooD.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20
4oetrp,
~ [FOr the chrOnicle.l
PICTURED LANDS.
>f BY LIBBIE S. MORGAN.


We wandered last night in far off cline,
In the ancient eastern lands,
'MOng ruinous abbeys with sculpture rich,
As carved by master hand.
By Castles and Monastries, old and deeayed,
With ivy green festOoned walls,
Where the magical light of fairy land
In its dream-like beauty falls.
Fer peering with earnest and wistful gaze
Through portals so broad and high.
Thatthe gorgeous light which through win
dows stained,
Crept in, enchanted our eye. Ers ~
Drifted in barges of workmanship rare
On the waters calm and clear,
OF the sunny Rhine in the fatherland
To each loyal heart SO dear.
Aye, farther back amid earlier scenes
cpassed with a trembling awe,
And stood on SInai's mount where from heaven,
Was handed the Jewish law,
Then turned away to view Nsz areth,
That city where years ago, r-ss--f
A pure star had shone whose heavenly light
Will never more cease to glow.
Lingering with heart-tears dining our eyes
Iu,Gethsemanes garden fair,
And thoughs how its precincts were sanetifed,
By SaviOr's dying prayer:
Beyond rose the walls of Jerusalem,
In their strong unyielding pride;
Wherebezt stubborn hearts which aeknowledg-
cd not - ---
Their King who for them had died.
Only momsnt, yet not in a dream
We caught the longed-for view,
While each scene from canvass with hurried
hand
On our hearts tablet we drew
LEON, Wis.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

All who hold each other dear.
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1861-03-20

BY the way, it is currently reported
here that AIr. Giddings is to be appointed
CONSUL General to Canada. The post is
a very important one and the recognition
of his claims by the new administration
would give general satisfaction. G.
Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1861-01-25
cRoMwELHs SOLDIERS BIBLE.

In the report of Gov. Washburn's speech at
the late annual meeting Of the Massachusetts,
Bible Society, there occurs the following state
ment viz: go to the time of Cromwell. OBJ
servo the causes which made Cromwell and the
Commonwealth. In the army, every man had a
Bible in his knapsaok, and daily read it, and
sung the praises OF God and the result was the
like of what has been seen in the history of
Puritanism"
His Excellency's statement is substantially
correct, and the spirit of his speech is entirely
so. But it is not literally in accordance with
historical accuracy to assert that the soldiers
carried the Bible in their KNAPP dcks nor was it the
lphoie Bible with which the army was furnished.
"The Soldiers Pocket Bible" consisted of ap-
propriate selections from the Scriptures, printed
in pamphlet form. 1t was generally buttoned
between the coat aud vest, next to the heart,
proving, perhaps, sometimes, defence from the
weapons of the enemies of their bodies, as well
as from the wicked one who sought to subdue
their souls
But very few copies of this curious Bible have
been preserved. Probably the copy in the pos
session of the writer of this notice is the only
one in this country. A brief description of it,
therefore, may not be undressing to your
readers. 1t was printed on single sheet, fold
cd in the lGmo. form, and making sixteen pages.
The whole title pnge is worth copying, as it pre-
sents fair and by no means extrayagant speci-
men of the great titles to little books which
prevailed about the time of the English Common
wealth. 1t Sas printed within a neat border,
and reads as follows;
Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1861-01-25

THREE THINGS THAT WOMAN CAN'T Do
There are three things that woman can't do.
First, she can't sharpen q lead pencil. Give
her one and see. Mark how jaggedly she hacks
away every particle of wood from round the
lead, leaving an unsupported spike of the latter,
which breaks Immediately you try to use it. You
can almost forgive the male creature his compass
sionate contempt as chucking her under the
chin, he snatches il from her awkward paw, and
rounds and tapers it in the most ravishing man
ner for durable use. | wish TO hear no more on
that point, because, when l once make up my
mind, sail the Kings men" can't change it,
Well then, Secondly. woman can't do up
bundle. She takes whole newspaper to wrap
up paper of pins, and coil of rope to tie it,
and 1t will come undone at that. When | 60
shopping-whieh is sometimes my hard lot to
dol look on with the fascinated gaze of bird
in the neighborhood Of a magnetic serpent, to
watch clerks do up bundles. How the paper
falls just into the right crease how deity they
turn it over, and tuck it under, and tic it up,
and then throw it down upon the counter as If
they had done the most commonplace thing in
the world, instead of deed which might-and,
faith, does--task the ingenuity Of "angels! :" It
is perfectly astonishing
Thirdy--l may allude to the fact that women
cannot carry m umbrella or rather 10 the very
duty but | won't. l scorn to turn traitor to O
sex who, whatever may be their faults, are al
ways loyal to each other. SO l shall gay, as !
might otherwise have said, that when they I'M
furl the parachute alluded to, they put it right
down over their noses-take the middle of the
sidewalk, raking of mems hats and women's
bonnets as they go, and walking right into the
breakfast of some unfortunate wight, with that
disregard of the consequent gasp which, to be
understood, must be felt, as the offender cocks
up one corner of the parachute and looks defiant
ly at the victim who has the effrontery to come
into the world and hazard the whalebone and
handle of her "umberilll" No, won't speak
Of anything of the kind, besides, has not csle.
brated writerremarked that, when ''dear woman
is cross, it is only because she is sick" Let us
hope he is right. We all know that it is not thu
cause Of a mans crossness. Give him his favo
rite dish, and you may dine off him afterwards
If you want to.
Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1861-01-25

Poyglotts that appeared under Protestant au
spices and by far the most useful Of them all,
was published during the Protectorate of Crom-
well. lie so far encouraged the author of this
work as to allow the paper GU which ii was
printed to be imported free Of duty. II, in CON
sideration Of this paltry favor, he extorted from
Walton the promise Of dedication to himself
Cromwell deserves the stigma which attaches to
his memory in connection with this work.
1t does not lessen the force of Gov. Washburn's
remarks, nor weaken the theory which he SO
ably aud oloquently supported, If we admit that,
in the latter years Of his life Cromwell lost bis
reverence for the Scriptures, and lived in viola,
ton OF some Of its plainest commands. On the
contrary, it shows that the burden of the Hebrew
prophet to the ancient king who sighted the
word of God, has wider application. "Thero.
fore, behold l, even |, will utterly forget you,
and will forsnke you, and will bring an ever.
lasting reproach upon you, and a perpetual
shame which shall not be forgotten. He shall
have none to sit upon the throne and his dead
body shall be cast out in the day to the heat,
and In the night to the frost"
Impartial history has recorded the facts rein.
ting to the Protectors DEATH the brief authority
OF his weak son, and the fate that befel the dead
body of the once almost omnipotent Cromwell.
The parallel between Jehoiakim, King of Judah,
and Oliver, Lord Protector Of England, is suF-
hoiently apparent, and needs no comment.
Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1861-01-25
FAVORABLE AND NOVEL RESULTS OF
SECESSION.

The Free States are about to witness a revi-
val Of business, and of their industrial interests
generally, through the operation of secession.
1t will undoubtedly soon become necessary to
blockade the seaports of the seeding States,
and to repeal the laws making them ports Of
foreign entry As soon as this is done, the
whole trade of those States will be thrown back
upon the Northern and Northwestern railroads.
Aud the business now transacted at New Orleans
Mobile, Charleston, Savannah and the ports of
every other seeding State, will be transferred
to the Free-State ports, and to Baltimore, if the
fools do not succeed in getting q majority in
Maryland for Secession. Ii Maryland keeps
quiet, Baltimore will soon receive an impulse 10
her trade such as has not beeE known for years.
But If Maryland absconds, Baltimore must sur
fer the penalty, and VIVA. she might enjoy will
be divided amopg the Northern cities. But,
however Maryland may act, Philadelphia, New
York, aud Boston, are going to profit largely by
secession. The whole Southern trade must cen
ter at these points. Cotton and every other
Southern product must travel North to find an
outlet. New-0rleans will be ruined, and Mobile,
and Savannah, and Charleston. Wilmington,
Norfolk, Richmond, and Baltimore, will follow
suit if secession embraces the States in which
these ports lie. There is no help for it. When
the laws making them ports of entry are repeal
ed, they will be sealed to all but contraband
trade. This contrabnn1 trade will amount to
nothing because there will be no obstruction
and no hindrance to traffic inland, and through
Free State ports All the operations of trade
will be carried on as now, only through new
channels The embargo will be unique, and its
operation most curious and most instructive.
1t is highly probable that but a brief period
will eapse before the whole race of Southern
statesmen who have brought on the present
disorders and mischief in the South will be
tumbled overheard as the greatest set of politi-
plicated public affairs. They will be disgraced
at home, and disgraced abroad. To see the
South shrink and wither while the giant North
iourishes and expands under the operation of
secession tactics. will be too much to bear. The
popular indignation must rise and expel the
proud and passionate incapables from every
position of influence.
We could exult over the inevitable industrial
results of secession to the North, but for the
feeling of pain and modification we must expe-
rience at witnessing sister States suffer 60 much
from the folly of their political leaders. But the
result must come. The Free States will, with
out au effort, aud against their will, reap a rich
harvest from the secession movement. And
under il, the South will decline and finally col
lapse, in utter humiliation. And this will not
result from bloody wars, but from the peaceful
operations of the laws of trade. Severe as the
lesson is it is one we cannot now afford to lose.
We have gone too far for that. 1t will be worth
all and more than all it will oost.-Tfi5une.