Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1861-02-15
Fact, Fun and Fancy.

Fact, Fun and Fancy.
QuicE on THE TRIGGER.-" You will please
observe" said old Mr.. Lambwell, as be led us
through his school the other day, "that the
boys arc required to observe the utmost atten-
tention to qaiehoss as well as to discipline .
We had at this moment arrived in front Of
several boys standing around water bucket,
and one had just charged his mouth with the
contents of the cup while the old gentleman
was STOPPING over to recover his pen from the
floor, when another boy passing along behind
snapped his fingers quick under the drinkers
car and caused him on sudden to eject the
contents Of his mouth over the pedagogue's
bald pate. Standing upright, with his face
and hair dripping, the master shouted
- Who done that?"
The party unanimously cried out, "Jim
Gun, SIR"
James Gnn, what did you do that for?
Jim, appalled, At the mischief he bad done,
muttcred that it was not his fault-that Tom
Owen mapped him.
This changed the direction of old Lamb
wells wrath, and shaking his cane porteu-
tioasly over Owen head, he asked;
did you snap Cunt"
The culprit, trembling with fear muttered
Eyes Sir | mapped Gun-5gtaidnf knov that
he 91s lo1ae3Fl
CoSFAn between a man who wanted his pa
per stopped and our " deyil:'
Man. See here, boy, you may tell your
boss to stop sending his id paper to me
at Grand Gulf"
Devil" Where must he send III"
Man" Send it to h-ll."
Devil" All right-youll be certain to get
itat that post'oticc."
A CANDIDATE for Office called at the resi-
denre ola gentleman to solicit his vote:
Candidate" Madam is your husband
aboutf'
Lady-"Yos, sir he has gone to haul away
dead dos and will be back directly"
CANDIDATE Sheep killing dog reckon
madam p
Fiercc-spoken urchu.--"N No sr--he jus
barked himself to deathat candidates-so PAP
said"
"GAs WORKS. "A western editor who has
been 10 Washington, writes home AS we
dtore home from The depot, a lady cspied the
great cniasaioned dome ofthe Capitol-which
don't look like dome at pTesent--and inno-
Gently said al suppose those are the gas
works" Yes, madam Cor the nation, f" re-
piled passenger.
THs SIX DEoREEs Of Crime are thus defined
" lie who steals million is only iinancier.
Who steals half a million is only defaulter.
Who steals hundred thousand is rogue.
Who steals fifty thousand is knaye Buthe
who steals pair of boots or a loafof bread is
ascoundrel ofthe deepest dye, and deserves
tobelynehed.'
War A glorious world this would be, ifall
its inhabitants could say, with Shakespeare
Shephe.d Sir, am true laborer l earn
that wear; owe no man hate; envy no man S
happiness glad Of other men's good; con-
tent WIN M Ilrm.
A COUNTRY EDITOR, about closing up his form
for The week, remarked with gravity, ~ have
several little articles ct in my head, which
must set OUT meaning some small paragraphs |
for the papers " Better let me run and buy
you fine tooth comb p said thq apprentice.
A LlrTLa poY kneeling at his mothers knee
TO say his evening prayer, asked leave to pray
il bis own words, and with chidHke sim
pleiy said: God bless little Willie, and
doa't let the house burn up; God bless papa
and mamma; God bless me, and make my
boots 80 on easy in the morning"
AZ EDITOR, summing up the virtues of
soap-ooilcl lately deceased, concluded with
the usual phrase Of peace to his ashes
The remark gave great offence 10 the family.
one OF whom threatened the editor with per-
ionAl violence.
Tina Republican papers say Old Abe is q a
cold water man. SO great is his admiration
Of cold water that when he kept a grocery.
he invariably poured large quantities of il
into his Whis1cy barrel.
q J DoN'T like 10 patronize this line. y said a
eulpsit to the hangman. "ol never mind
this once" was the hangman's reply, ait
win soon Suspend operations"