, 1861-12-20
Varieties

INSTEAD of idly waiting for something
to turn up, go to work and turn up some-
thing.
THOMAS HooD says nothing spoils hol-
iday like Sunday coat or a pair of new
shoes.
SOME one says that the music of the
Chinese is deliciously horrlble-"like cats
trying to sing base with sore throats."
AN Irish editor in speaking of the mis-
cries of his country, says: "Her cup of
misery has been for ages overfowing, and
is not yet full
A MUSICIAN in giving notice of
concert at Cleveland, Ohio, said, ''a varity of
songs may be expected, too tedious to men
ton"
LORD Bacon beautifully said" If man
be gracious to stranger, it shows he is a
citizen of the world, and that his heart is
no island cut off from other lands, but
continent that joins them"
AN English lady who went to make pur-
chases in Jamaica, accompanied by her
black maid, was frequently addressed by
the negro shOpman as " Massa,' wherupon
infinite contempt, "Why for you speak
such bad grammar, Sabby; Why for you
call my missus massa? Stupid fellah-
him's a she !"
A CHAP who was told that the best cure
for palpitation of the heart was TO quit
hugging and kissing the girls, said "If
that is the only remedy, for one, say let
'er palpitate."
A RECENT French writer observes that
bookkeeping is very proper occupation
for women" We don't know how proper
it may be; but it is certainly very com
mon. We know a woman who has a great
talent in the art of bookkeeping. She
keeps-all she can borrow.
A WIDOW lady who had just lost her
husband, was weeping bitterly for the dear
departed. A friend tried to console her
"No, no, said the fair mourner, "let me
have my cry out; after that shant think
anything about it."
A MAN who won't take newspaper be-
cause he can borrow one, has invented
machine with which be can cook his din
ner by the smoke of his neighbor's chin
ney.
A YOUNG lady-a sensible girl-gives
the following catalogue of different kinds
of love: 1.-The sweetest mothers love;
the longest, a brothers love; the strongest,
woman's love; the dearest, mans love,
and the sweetest, longest, strongest, and
dearest love, a love of bonnet. -
A number Of women in Erie county, N.
T., have called convention, the object of
which is stated to be "to gain new
knowledge Of the nature and attributes of
r. man." An exchange very patiently asks,
"why don't they get married -
A young lady recently remarked, with
much simplicity, that she could not under
stand what her brother George Henry saw
in the girls that he liked SO we'll, and that
for her part, she would not give the com
pany of one young man for that of twenty
girls. no .
AMONG the prisoners taken at the battle
of Waterloo was a Highland piper Ma
poleon, struck with his mountain dress
and sinewy limbs, asked him to play on
his instrument, which is said to sound de-
lightful in the glens and mountains of Scot
land. "Play pibroach," said Napoleon.
The Highlander played it. Play a
march," 1t was done. Play retreat" /"
INA, ma p said the Highlander, 81 never
learned to play retreat"
WE remember once seeing specimen of
a sailors letter, which ran as follows:
Dear Jack-I want you to send me some
pig-tail tobacco, taupaulin hat, and pair
of duck trowsers. You must be sure and
send the pig-tail. If you forget everything
else, don't forget the pig-tail. Send me
lots of pig-tail. Be sure and send slash
ings of pigtail. Your friend, Tom.
N. B. Be sure to remember the pig-tail.