The Democratic press. (Eaton, Preble County, Ohio) 1860-1865, 1861-04-11
PERILS OF the RAGIN CANAWL.
Artemus Ward Takes a Trip on the
Polly Ann"

Artemus Ward Takes a Trip on the
I Polly Ann"
To those wi o admire humor o
Artemus Ward, we commend the
following as one of the most mirth'
provoking of his productions:
In overhaulin' one of my ole
trunks the tother day, 1 found the
follerin' jernal of a voyage on the
starnch canawl bote Polly Ann
(which happened TO the subscriber
swbeta 4 WIS q ypnng man (in thu
7 l5l3fli e2ingtons fsaQth, wher
els6paain mo SIGH word os fllse) or
| the Wabash Canawf: ~
(MonGay, two P. N.Y. Got under
wa. Hoses not remarkable frisky
at fust. Had to bid fires under EN-
before they'd start. Started at last
very suddint, causin the bote tc
lurch very vilently, and knockin
me orr my pins. (Saler Erase J.
Scvral passengers on bored. Honist
farmers was to work sowin korn &
otherprojucc in the fields. Surblime
senery. Large red-heded gal recli
min OH the banks of the canawl,
bathin her feet.
Turned in at fifteen minutes parst
glowing.
(Toosday.) Riz at five an went
up on the poop deck. Tooka grown
persons dose of Ticker with a men,
ber of the Injanny Legislature,
which he urbanely insisted on al.
lowin' me pay for. Bote tearin'
threu the briny waters at the rate
of l Nots n hour, when the boy on
the ledin' hoss shoutid:
"Sale hoe"
"Whar away?" hollered the cap
ting, clearing his glass, "a empty
black bottle, with the bottom knoct
out), and bringing it to his eagle
eye.
"Bout four rodst the starbud,'
screamed the boy.
"Jess So" screeched the capting
"What vessels that air?"
"The Kickin' Warier, of Terry
Hawt, and be darned to you"
~, I, sir" hollered our capting
"Reef your arft hoss, splice you
main jib-boom, and hail your cham
bermaid! What's up in Terr!
Hawt?"
"You know Bill Spikes ?" sed thu
capting of the Warier.
"Wall, I reckiu'; he kin eat more
fride pork nor any man of his hef
on the Wabash. He's an ornament
to his sex!"
"Wall," continued the capting oi
the Kickin' Warier, "what do you
think of that?" as he parst long,
black bottle over to our capting.
'The country is indeed in danger,
said our capting, raisin' the bottle
to his lips.
The vessels parted. No other
incidents that day. Retired to my
chased couch at five minutes parst
ten.
(Wensdy.) Riz arly. Wind blow.
ing N. w. E. Hevy sea on and
ship rollin' wildly in consekents Of
peppur-corns havin' bin fastened to
the forrered hoss' tale. "Heave
two!" roared the capting to the
man at the rudder, as the Polly
give friteful toss. Twas sick, and
sorry I'd cum. "Heave two" re-
peated the capting. I went below.
"IIeave two" I hearn him holler
again, and, stickin' my he'd out of
the cabin window, l heu.
The hosses becum dosile even
locally, an l felt better. The sun
bust out in all his splendor, regard
less of expense, and lively nature
put in her best licks Weparst the
beautiful village of Limy, which
lookt sweet indeed, with its neat
white cottages, Institoots of flearnin'
and other evidences of civilization,
incloodin' a party of bald-heded
cullered men who was playin' 3
card monty on the stoop of the red
eagle tatfern. All, all was food for
my 2 poetic sole. l went below to
breakfast, but vittles had lost their
charms. "Take sum of this" said
the capting, shown a bottle lords
my plate, otis whisky. A few
quarts alters sets me right when my
stummick gifts out of order. It's a
excellent Tonic" l declined the
seductive hooid.
(Thursday.) Didn't rest we'll last
mite on account of an uprore made
by the capting, who stopped the
Bote to go ashore and smash in the
winders Of agrosery. Hewas bro't
back in about an hour, with his he'd
dun up in q red hankercher, his eyes
being swelled up orful, and his nose
very much out of jint. He was
bro't aborde on a shutter by his
crue, and deposited on the cabin
floor, the passengers all risin up in
their births, pushin the red curtins
aside & lookin out to see what the
matter was.
"Why do you allow your pash-
uns to run away with you in this
onseemly stile my misguided friend