The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1861-03-28
QQljt aQ0 Yumor.
Artemus Ward among the Shakers.

Artemus Ward among the Shakers.
Artomus Ward, in last weeks Vanity
Fair, gives some Of his experiences
among the Shakers.
sot down to the table, and the fe-
male in the meal. bag poured out some
tea. She sed nothin, and for 5 minits
tho only live thing in that room was
old wooden clock, which tickt in a
subdood and bashful manner in the
corner. This deeply stiffness made me
oneasy, and determined to talk to the
female OF bust. So sez l Marriage is
agin your rules, I believe, marm?'
"Yay."
"Tho sexes live strictly apart, I
spect?"
"Yay."
"Its kinder singlor," sez 1, putin on
my most sweetest look and speakin in
whinnin voice, "that so fair a made as
thow never got hitched to some likely
feller." IN. B.--She was upward of
forty, and homely as a stump fence; but
l thawt I'd tickil her.
Il don't like men, she scd, very
short.
"Wall, I donno," SEE I, "they're ray.
ther an important part Of the popula.
shun, l don't scarcely see how We
could git along without EN-"
"Us poor wimmin folks would gil
along a CRATE deal better if there was no
men!'
you'll excuse me, marin, but dom
think that air would work. 1t wouldn'
be regler."
I'm fraid of menl" she sed.
"Thats unnecessary, marin. Io1
amt in no danger. Don't fret yourself
on that pint"
"Here we're shet out from the sinfu
world. Here all is peas. Here we all
brothers and sisters. We don't marry
and consokently, we have no domestic
difficulties. Husbands don't aboos,
their wives--wiyes don't worrit thei
husbands, There's no children here tt
worrit us. Nothin to worrit US here
No wicked matrimony here, WoUl,
thow like to be a Shaker
"NO, sez |, "it ain't my stile."
l had now histed in as big a load OF
pervishuns as l could carry comfortable
and, leanin back in my cheer, oommens
pickin my teeth with fork, The fo
male went out, leavin mo all alone will
the clock. hadn't sot thar long be
fore the Elder poked his he'd in at tn
door. You're Il man Of SIM he sed
and groaned and went away.
Direckly thar cum in two young Sha
koresses, as purity and slick-lOoking gal
as ever met. 1t is troo they was ares
ia meal bags like the old one I'd me
previsly, and their shiny, silky hair wa
hid from sight by long white caps, sicI
as | spose female costs wear; but thei
eyes sparkled like diamonds, thei
cheeks was like roses, aud they wa
oharmin enuff to make a man thro,
stuns at his grandmother, if they axe
him to. They commenst clearin ava
the dishes, oastin shy glanoes at me a.
the time. l got excited. / forgot Bet
sy Jane in my rapter, and sez /; an
purity dears, how are you"
1--WE air we'll, they solumly sed.
"Whar's the old man?" sez /, in a sol
voice.
"Of whom doost thou speak Broth
er Uriah?
II mean the gay and festiv ouss VIII
calls me q man of sin. Shouldn't won
der if his name was Uriah.
"He has retired
"Wall, my purity dears, scz l. "lOt
have sum fun. Let's play Puss in tn
corner. What say?'
s "Are you a Shaker2' they axed
"Wall, my pretty doars, l haven't al
rayod my prowd form in long wosk
yit but if they was all like you porhaE
! I'd jino 'em, As it is, I'm a Shake
! protempOrary."
They was full Of fun seed that
fust, only they was a leetle skeery,
tawt EN- Puss in the corner and sic
like plase, and we had a nice tim
keepin quiet, of course so the old ma
10 shouldn't hear, When we broke up S,
- Tiny purity dears, ear l 60 you ha,
s no objeokshuns, hav you, to a inneroel
i kieq az rortinPn