New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1861-04-08
Ico&HUFIcATgD.J
In Which, Make a Dash at Natrfmon5,.


| lisHt tudt coHsihered nad clear tItle 70 ~
heart, was now demanding settlement. Postpone
as it had been, now saw that there was no statut
of limitations in loves chancery, and that nigh
as well at once balance my accounts with woman
with Whist grace could.
| My first move, or perhaps should say that The
| first symptoms that my maiady, or whatever els
| you may call it, was upon me, was q growins
disposition to cultivate my taior and appear in nm
exceptionabe harness. / soon had in my posses
sion curious collection of crayats Of every shade
and stripe, fancy vests adorned my armour and tt
| prevent myself from taking cold, / always wore
| the best fitting of kid gloves
| " There are many pretty girls,' I consohngIy
reasoned as shaved myself in front of my cracked
| mirror, " who will be glad to get me. Three Oh
the former to one gentleman are aboEt the figures
| ! will learn the arts which are most successful with
the sex; my dignity shall give place to elegant
leyity, and Jupiter shall become Apollo"
L squeezed my feet in tight boots; I arrayed
myself in blue coat with brass buttons. have al
ways, indeed, entertained decided partially to
coat OF this description. | could not appreciate
Daniel Webster until I learned that our politics in
ms respect we're the same, and perhaps my adm
ration Tor other great men owes its origin to a
| similar reason. 10 be caught without such a
cernlean covering on any great State occasion
would esteem sort of misfortune; and in case
ever am successful in approaching the altar,
would as soon dispense with the publication of the
bans, the license, or even the blessings of the
church itself, as enter the married state minus a
single gilt button. 1t would be no marriage to
me, at best, but an unfortunate one and
doubt whether should respect my VOWS. In my
will have already provided that shall be inferred
| in this description of coat
| Thus, blue and gilt were altogether my style
and the other points of my costume upon cor
respondngly gorgeous scale. A cross barred vest
| imprisoned my great soul, while Pactolus oil
| watch chain meandered over this striped front
| The bridge of my nose-the Bridge of Size, my de-
| famers call twas now spanned by double eye
W lu had cd 80
| tending speetacles.
In short, my patent leather boots, the set of my
| hat and everything in my whole costume were cal
culated to fashions meridian But though well
aware of the effect must have produced, profound
| hypocrite that / was, concealed the conscious
ness of the fact gracefully. Beyond slight in
crease in the dignity of my gait-for who thus at
tired could assume careless swing-no one who
| saw only my impassive face would have suspected
| the gratifed vanity within.
once overheard, as l passed along, one of my
| acquaintance exciaim: :" What COMPOUNDED
swell old Major Fishback has become" And
| barring the imputatiou of age the speech rather
| pleased me. l felt that my efforts to get myself
| up were appreciated.
! But who should court, and in what quarter
| should plant my meggs-was the question which
| now absorbed me. AnXously did promenade
Canal street.-the CdndleiO, we used to call it il
Venice, in the hopes Of finding a solution to this
question. There gazed on the lovely hours who
| frequent that well-known 1horoughfare, until ex
| repose. no longer absented myself from church
I attended the Cathedral so regularly as to occa
| sion remonstrance from some of my over-zealous
Protestant friends. Handsome is who handsome
does, found literally true-the sex are never sc
charming as when they issue from the Church's
| portals, with prayer book or missal in hand. Ir
| short, I never missed or lost an opportunity Of
| meeting my destiny.
pretty women. But to reflect that out of SO much
| loneliness only one could fall to my share! Il
would be impossible to depict my anguish
| made wish similar to Nero's, and sighed that oil
| womanhood might be condensed into one, at whose
| feet might offer my homage.
think once formed some such idea as to fol
| low one of these radiant visions home. would
| have implored her to dispense with any such I'M
| romantic objections as the want of previous in
troducton-told her that I was wildly and nladly
| in love at first sight | would have fallen on my
| knees-no, not that. My knees are too stiff, and
besides am too solid about the girth ever to have
regained my feet without assistance.
| hardly know what prevented me, unless it was
the difficulty of discriminating. And so, although
could have loved to distraction almost any one
| of them, perhaps you, fair lady, who are at th
moment reading this confession never had thu
| opportunity of saying so. | know there are an,
quantity OF demoiselles who are ready to fling thei
heads at me, Il wish they would give me their ad
| dress) and yet from sheer want of an introduction
| | shall be forced to marry whom PrOVdenc
| pleases to send
| But to return to my muttons. Tt was necessar
to make dead set at some one 1t being nov
New Years Day, I determined Immediately t
make the selection, and at once commence the al
tack. | put myself in the hands of one of tIos
| facie youths who know everybody, and told hin
to do with me as he would. All of that day an.
| the succeeding right we wandered from door t.
door. My guide appeared to ring door-bells an
| upit knockers as il from impulse or caprice. w
| called twice at the same house, and went through
the same dull round Of compliment, and neither
| party seemed aware Of the previous visit. He
| once explained to me that it had been severa
| years since he had met some of the lady friends
| upon whom we were to CALL and the treatment he
received thought rather corroborated this state
| ment. At one house We found our hostess reclin
| ing in somnoent mood on sofa in front of some
| cakes and decanters. When we had at last made
| her aware of our presence, she pointed to the
table, tried to tell US that she had received some
| hundred Of calls, and subsidized again into hc1
| revere.
| In short, she of my new acquaintances who
| pleased me most, and whom I determined to try
on, was a certain blackhaired, black-eyed, dark
| skinned Mamoselle Blank, who murdered English
in manner which was absolutely bewitching, and
| who pleased as much by her blunders as she
| probably would have done by the most eloquent
| conversation. My undertaking l soon found was
not an easy one. In the first place, mamma seemed
| to regard me rather as an elderly friend than a
sutton, and under pretence of overlooking the vel
| fare Of her daughter, to absorb the whole CONVEX
| sation. Or if the young lady was permitted to
| speak, it was to rival suitors, and in language
| which could not comprehend. The most could
accomplish was to edge in few desultory remarks
in to the weather, and then it was at the
| risk of being entirely misunderstood. My inamo-
rata once endeavored to give me an account of a
pet lamb which she called little mutton, and
which infer experienced fate similar to Moore's
dear gaZelie; hnt her command of the language
failed her before she reached the affecting part oil
her story, and to this day have never precisely
learned what the ealamtous end of the little NUT
ton was.
So that, conversationally speaking we could moi
travel. 70 speak the language of love it seemed
that one or the other of us would have to improve
in our French or our English But I did not de
SPAR. | procured tickets for the opera, and hel
father mother and sister were kind enough to ioir
us. We went in q carriage as the night was
stormy-l riding the outside with the driver
BY the time we had reached the theater, was too
wet to be at all presentable at the side of a lady
| / resigned my seat to the father, and could only
curse my luck with chattering teeth in remote
corner of the ROOM Nevertheless, | was still not
satisfied. My lady-love could dance like a zephyr.
determined to revive my knowledge of that
graceful accomplishment and to work my way
into her good graces by brute force of my calves
and heels
To dance well is not, perhaps, so indispensable
in this city as it few years since but this ac
complshment may still be regarded as q necessary
evil in most of our parlors and salons. And
perhaps rightly, too. Terpsichoro must have been
the goddess of flowers, atleast of that PARASITIC
species which blossoms at night and is indigenous
to the atmosphere of bathrooms and &oirecs. But
your wal-f0wer, which, socially speaking, is the
emblem of all that is to be stunned has the gift so
rare in deliberatiVe assemblies of being eloquent
on her feet. 0nce let the music sound the note OF
preparation, and she casts her rival who travels
only upon her intelieetnto disastrous eclpse-into
4 Al ,tt IL Al