The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1861-02-01

SIDES north OF Mason ano DiXons line than tns
same man, Cowan, and if he rs really elected
under the impression that he belonged to the
conservative class of Republicans" somebody
has had the wool pulled over their eyes most
beautifully. A conservative, forsooth Why,
the speech delivered by him, at Altoona, du-
ring the late campaign, was 30 intensely Abo-
lition in sentiment as to disgust even the ultra
Republicans of ;his county who heard it, and
heaven knows their stomachs are not easily
nauseated by anything in the shape OF scooI.--
That's even so !-Hotiidaysburg Standard.
LlxE YOURSELF a Scotch parish there
was an ancient of the name OF Sanders, whose
wit was rePuted 10 be very sharp. The laird,
who was also wag, met him one day, driving
pig to market. fWeel, Sanders" 9uoth he,
s'ye're driving your kzzin (cousin) 10 theuar-
ket."
''Na, ma, laird he'sj an auId acquaintance
like yourself"
DISADVANTAGES OF BEING WHlTE.-"Well,
Dinah,'' said would-be belle TO black gIl,
'sthey say beauty soon fades do you see any of
my bloom fadIngs Now, tell me plainly, With
out anv compliments"
ssOh, DO, Missa bat den me kinder fink-"
'sThink what, Dinah you're bashful."
"Oh, no, me no bashful but den me kinder
thinks as how Missa don't retain her color quite
as we'll as colored lady"
GA wretched editor, who hasn't any wife
10 take care of him, went the other nigh; TO a
ladies' fair. He says he saw there ''an article"
which he "fain would call his own, but it was
not for SALE" He declares that since that night
he has been fswrapturousiy wretched." As the
article was bound in hoops, the reader is left to
infer that it was either girl or keg of whis-
key. They are both calculated to make
wretch ''wrapturous."
OK wet, miserable, ioggy London day,
Charles Lamb was accosted by beggar woman
with
spray, sir, bestow little charity upon poor
destitute widow woman, who is perishing for
lack OF food. Believe me, SIR, have seen bet
ter days"
$50 have I" said Lamb, handing the poor
creature shilling $50 have /, it's miserable
day. Good bye
Gan Trishman having accidentally bro
ken pane of glass, was making the best of hls
way out OF sight, but the proprietor stole
march upon him. and having seized HIM by the
collar, exclaimed
"You broke my window, fellow, dId you
not 2"
''To be sure did," said Pat, sand didn't
YOU see me running home to get the money to
pay for it %
| UTA lusty young fellow in tattered garb,
and long beard that bespoke the extreme Ct
distress, solicited an elderly gentleman for
| aims, in piteous tone of voice the benevo-
lent gentleman gave hlm shilling. s'If this
| relief" said the beggar, s'had not come 40 OBJ
poruneIy, should have been driven TO do
! what never had intended" "What was that
said the gentleman imPatiently. "ro work."
sad the impostor.
q In Alabama farmer very recently bad
| his butter seized by the clerk OF the market for
short weight, and gave as a reason that the COW
| from which the butter was made, was subject
| to the cramp, and that caused the butter to
shrink in weight.
~An exchange thus pathetically describes
the tainting of young lady:
| SHOWN fell the lovely maiden,
| Just like slaughtered lamb
Her hair hung round her pallid cheeks.
Like sea weeds round clam.''
| 'In my time, Miss" said stern aunt, "the
men looked at the women's faces, instead OF
their ankles!' "Ah but nv Gear aunt" re-
torted the young lady, ''you see the world has
| improved, and is more civilized than il used to
! be. II looks more 10 the understanding"
TAn inventive Yankee has produced an
apparatus which he says Is cure for snoring.
He fastens upon the mouth gutta percha tube
leading TO the tympanum ofthe ear. Whenev-
er the sDorer snoreS, he bimseli receives the
first impression, finds how dlsagreeable 1t is, and
OF course, reforms.
/ GA lawyer once loosely asked board
ng-house keeper the following question
"Mr. -, il man gives you $500 to
keep for him and he dies, what do you CO. Do
you pray for him."
"No, sir," he replied, 81 pray for another
like him."
ga young lady remarked The other day
that she would like 10 do something so as tc
have her name appear in the paper. We ad
wise her to get some one to put his name il
with hers.
HEA Sco,chman visiting churchyard will
friend, pointed 10 shady, qniet nook, said
, "rhat is the spot where intend to be lais
S if am spared"
UyA man lately Pot his dog to bed an
g kicked himself down stairs. He did not dl.
II cover his mistake until the next morning, whe
he chased COW and couldn't bark.