St. Cloud Democrat. [volume] (Saint Cloud, Stearns County, Minn.) 1858-1866, 1861-12-26
by MARY TURNER BEsjEBs.


on Tongue Tanning, Now. we think it
hardly fair to come down on the whole
race of "Crinoline" just because one Ola
Woman has unconscious]y trod on his toes
or perchauce worsted him in an argument.
Hear how wildly the Fellow talks-"A
women can no more hold hef tongue, than
she can a red hot COAL" Was ever such
nonsense heard Of since the days of Trav-
cling Legislatures !! We contend. that
she can, and Furthermore, that she does,
whenever it is wise and expedient-when-
ever mute eloquence is in favor-and
whenever she pleases, and that is often
enongh-in fact; its just as natural for a
woman to hold her tongue when she likes
as it is for man to lavish his money on
Tobacco, Cigars and Whiskey, and then
90 home growing because tho children
break so many states, and wear out SO ma
ny shoes.
He says eve can talk as much as we
like, but let it be less about People, and
more about things" we'll for once we feel
inclined to humor the fellow and follow
his advice.-The Ching" wepropose to
talk about may be considered the Prince
of animals, Aatteringly termed "man." It
is found in all the walks of life, and some-
times in the gutter. Generally to be seen
strutting the streets like peacock, some
times cooling like dove, but oftener
roaring like a lion. Infest g1os shops
and beer saloons and can be seen at great
advantage routing the enemy, only when
"they retreat in good order" Oh, no,
will not talk about the toothache, nor the
headache we expect to have, but as
Tongue Tanner approaches, we'll clear tho
roost of all the small trash-maybe shut
Billy iu the pantry to hush his noise, lest
he disturb dear Papa who is troubled with
Rleumatics. We note his long face and
we cock up our heads like parrot, and
listen to string Of complaints which date
as far back as '<Noah's GRANDDAUGHTER
and we listen while he recounts the fail
ure Of banks-the tightness Of the money
market-the troubles of the Union gener-
ally, and his equity toe in particular
What matters though all the machine
ry in our own heads is playing Heenan-
and every bone IN our bodies is crying dis
union forever-every antiquated molar Is
pleading out with the vengeance Of a Car
Gilman we must attend lend our sympa-
thy, and if need be-, battle the ailing foot
with pepper and vinegar, run for his hat
and boots with the speed OF widower in
pursuit of pretty girl, as he happens to
remember that he has an engagement
down town "to eat few oysters" With
sigh of relief we close the door, let Bill
ly out Of the pantry, glance out at the equity
foot, that is travelling at the rate of 240
down the street. For the price of our rep
utations as obedicnt little creatures, will
not follow them to these saloons, stores
and workshops lest we might hear of some.
thing worse than :'last years" bonnets,
though why bonnets should be a worse
topic than "ladies CATERS" we can't un-
derstand-yet we are confident it must be
though we simple minded creatures fail
to comprehend the difference, but proba-
bly, we can when "Tongue Tanner" has re-
formed us. Again he says "Isn't the Eng
fish language broad and comprehensive
enough for you to express your ideas, with
out being patched by French idioms Pr
In reply, we ask you sirs, why you sprin-
kle your conversation with profane Ian
guage? What's the use of such exple-
tives as these ''Thunder" "Damnation"
"Devilish" and the like? Does it render
your language more clear and magnificent?
1t appears to US hardly in keeping with
your beautiful consistency of character, to
lecture US on the harmless use of French
words, when such naughty ones as these
are allowed to slip out. And in closing
this windy TRADE, Tongue Tanner Says
Dear Women Gas sort of healing plaster)
1 know that there is any amount Of forti-
tude and 6rmness in your frail slender
looking frames, if it can only be brought
out! This is decidedly cool and refresh
ing after such a general wiping out Of f.