Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1861-11-30
Rural Colonel from the West In
New Hork-HOw the Peter Funks
Took him in-WhO 10 he!
New YoRK, Nov. l6.


From the Correspondence Of the Boston Journal.l
New YoRK, Nov. l5.
Some time since a rural Colonel from the
west came to New York TO make q speech.
lie was met the next day by gentleman who
called him by name-knew him well-was
charmed with the fervor of his Western elo-
quence-"lth the force of bis oratory-With bis
nnialterlDg patriotism; to all of which the
western orator bowed in the lowest humility,
avoWed his sense of unworthnese, his Inability
to enlighten New York audience; but ex.
pressed warm appreciation Of the manner in
which the people listened to his poor remarks.
A fellow feeling vas at once created, and conf.
dence, that plant Of slow growth, seemed to
come forth as by q miracle. The pair reached
store on Broadway, the ownership Of which
the new acquaintance of the Colonel avowed
II just popped into the mind of the Colonel that
he had lovely daughter at home, fair as
prairie rosebud, which was soon to bloom in
conservatory of waiting swain, who held in
his impotence to make the fair flower his own
till the Colonel should come from New York.
Now this daughter needed gold watch, and he
proposed to buy one. The new friend of the
Colonel allowed that he kept watches in his es-
adjustment; but had none that we're worthy of
the attention of the distinguished gentleman
and his fair daughter. He had some, it was
true, but as they could be sold for the paltry
sum Of $l25 10 $500, It was not worth while to
look at them. And, moreover, the city of New
York was bad place for strangers; men got
cheated every day, and he would do we'll to
look sharp at all men who wanted to cell him
anything, and be especially careful OF the COM
pany he got into. For all this he was pro-
ioundly grateful, and insisted on going into the
1t0FA N fa lnoE skA L.
knew thing or two, and the man would rise
up early In the morning who got the better of
him. Now let me cay to the reader that this
friend of the Colonel was one of the sharpest
Peter funks in New York, and his store the
headquarters Of mock anctions. 81 in the man
went. An elegant watch was shown the Colo
mel, one OF great value, worth $3.50, and cheap
at that, So bargain was struck, aud had the
Colonel gone on his way, all would have been
WE'LL But at this moment two men came in
one customer and the other "down tow
jeweler." The ieweler opened the business -
His friend, he said, was about to buy watch
for 5000, and like wise man as be was,
he would not purchase until some one that
knew all about watches had passed Judgment
on il. So the watch was handed out, exam
ined and found to be all right. A new thought
came over the Colonel. He would have his
purchase examined Would the jeweler be kind
enough to look at his Watch2 He woodland
when the back of the seller was turned, he said
in whisper, don't take It, But the money had
been paid The jeweler knew how to manage
that. The whole stock was examined, and only
one found that would suit. That hung by itself
on black velvet case. That could not be had
1t had been sold to man who was to ''call for it
at two, precisely" IL was watch of rare value,
q nd nnk ha had ~ ali a0Is Ia
was invoiced at 5000. But that particular
watch the Colonel resolved to have. The par.
ties all waited till the City Hall alarm bell rung
out the hour Of two, when the Colonel demand.
ed the watch. The jeweler seconded the call
The seller was in doubt; his conscience was
tender; he wanted to do the fair thing; but con-
cluded to hand the watch over, and the addi.
tional $50 was paid. The watch WAS hardly in
the pocket of the buyer, before, painting with
heat and haste, the man for whom the watch
was kept came running 10 he had been
detained BY the omnibus - and demanded his
watch. Great was his indignation when he
found il was too late. The watch was hie; he
would have il; 1t was two till it was three; he
would give five dJlars, ten, fifteen. But the
Colonel would not yield; he did not trade in
watches; he had bought one, 1t suited him, and
$50 was no object A quarrel followed; glass
was broken; noses bled; the Toombs loomed
up before the Colonel, and to keep the watch
and make all square $50 more was paid, and he
departed. OF course the reader knows. that
the ieweler and his friend, and the painting
man running in too late to carry off bis watch,
were all bogus, and parts of the establishment
to carry on the Peter Funk business. On arriv-
ing at his hotel the 5000 watch was found to be
brass. The police were called in, but the Jew
eler had given up trade and the store was clos
ed. He could get no relief. He concluded to
shake the dust of Gotham off his feet and 90
home. In frame of mind not exactly Christ
ian ne took his seat in the car-left it a mo-
ment to 60 out; came back, found an occupant
in his seat, ordered the interloper out; as the
cars were crowded the new conner could not see
It. Viewing all men as conspirators, he took
the law into bis own hsnds--gave the intruder
beating, was arrested, locked mp in the
Toombs, and left for home, after paying in all
$1,000, with the fixed resolution that when the
party needed speaker he should not
come on to New York to make the oration.