The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1861-02-20
feb. 20.
Gellls of all Giuds.


defects you have, than the affection of
virtue you have not.
Femenine headache fictitious by
which women seek to conceal their
heartache
Editorial privileges-to toll thro'
life, without tn, nks. and die unregret-
ted, withoutreward
Don't undertake to throw cold wa
ter on your wife's darling schemes,
unless yon want to get into hot
Value the friendship of him who
stands by you in the storm swarms of
insects will surround you in the sun
shine
A man once observed that milestones
were kind enough to answer your
questions without giving you the
tronle to ask them
A young lady who was perfectly
thunderstruck at hearing of her
friends engagement, / as since been
provided with lightn.ng-rod
A little fellow one day nonplussed
! is mother by making the following
inquiry "Mother if man is mis-
ter, amt woman a MYSTERY 2"
If you are looking at picture, you
try to give it the advantage OF a good
light. Be as courteous to your fel
low-creatures as you are to pic
lure.
The malicious censures of our ene-
mics, if we make right nse of them
may prove a greater advantage to
MS than the ciyilities of orr best
friends.
The man of the world Fays the
Billie is good book; and 10 show
his appreciation buries it in the cot
lin with his grandmother as precious
relic of the past.
Settled-the question of the exact
location of a mans conscience. 1t is
decided to lay in his pocket book
Touch him there, and he becomes as
gentle and submissive as a lamb
An old lady, who has used glasses
80 years, has perfectly recovered her
sight, at Salem, Mass. Our devil
saws be has not used them near as
long AID they at times enable him to
see double.
We never respect persons who aim
simply to amuse us. There is vast
difference between those we call anus
ing men and those we denominate en-
tertaining we laugh with the former
and reflect with the latter.
Sir Walter Scott once gave an Irish
man shilling, when sixpence would
have been sufficient. -" Remember,
Pat" said Sir Walter, "you owe me
sixpence." "May your honor live till
I nav YOU - was the reply.
A Yankee has just completed an
important invention. 1t is designed
for editors, and when perfected will
cut out items, patch trousers, grind
ont poetry, rock little responsibilities
and dun delinquent subscribers.
WIFE," said the victim Of jeal-
jos rib, one day, ri intend to go to
camp-meeting on Tuesday evening, to
see the camp break up"
81 think you WON'T" replied she.
'I'n go if l see fit"
You'll see fits if you do 60"
He did go-probably on account Of
the rain.
A MODEL WOMAN" Did you not
say, rllen, that Mr. B. is poor 2"
Eyes he has only his profession"
CIVIL yonr uncle favor his suit z"
"No; and l can expect nothing
from him"
"No matter-I shall see more Of
Fred"
you must give up expensive dress"
80, Fred admires simplicity"
"You canuot keep a carriage"
But we can have delightful walks.
"You must live in small house and
furnish it plainly"
Yes, for elegant furniture would
be out of place in a cottage"
And you will have to cover your
floors with thin cheap carpets "
Then I shall hear his steps the
sooner"
USEFUL HINTS An excellent way
to get rid of trouble from corns is to
60 barefoot. 4
When a man is hungry it is good
for him to eat if he can find anything
edible.
In case of catching tartar, it may
be wisdom to get clear of him as soon
as possible.
When you have got nothing partic-
ular to say, it is worth while in being
particular in saying it.
VIII N You do not know what to do