The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-02-13
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= A girl that has lost her beau may
as well hang up her fiddle.

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= A girl that has lost her beau may
as well hang up her fiddle.
= Reverses are the dread Of the for
tunate, and the hope of the unfortunate
- Despair gives the same fatal ease
to the mind that modification does to the
body.
"Thats my impression" as the
printer said TO n pretty girl when he kiss
ed her.
= Don't put human victims to the
rack, but you may treat hungry horses
in that way.
= An editor announces the birth of
his ninth child under the head of "dis-
tressing casualty"
=" Poor rulo that won't work both
ways as the boy said when he threw the
rule back at his master.
= We are often more cruelty robbed
by those who steal into our hearts than
by those who break into our houses.
= Did the man who ploughed the sea
and afterwards planted his foot upon his
native soil, ever harvest the crops!
"Do you think that raw oysters are
healthy? 2" "Yes, never knew one com
planning of being out of health in my
life"
"Who took care of the babies 2"
artlessly inquired little girl, on hearing
her mother say that all people were once
children.
= When heaven chastises us we sho'd
kiss the rod. When beautiful female
eye looks reprovingly at us, we should
kiss the lash.
- A young lady shouldn't be unhap-
py because she isn't quite as tall as she
would like TO be. 1t is very easy thing
to get "spliced."
= To converse with spirits-lay five
cent piece on table in grog shop, and
they'll show themselves quicker than YOU
can say beans
= A recent philosopher discovered a
method 10 avoid being dunnedl How
how-how = we hear everybody asking.
Never run in debt.
"Mr. Brown, l owe you grudce. re-
member that" 81 shall not be friShten.
ed then, for never knew you to pay any
thing that you owe"
- Wife (compainingly)-" haven't
more than a third of the bed"
Husband (triumphantly)-" That's all
the law allows you"
- 1t seems no more than right that
men should seize Time by the forelock,
for the rude old fellow, sooner or later,
pulls all their hair out.
=" "Figurcs won't lie," is an old and
home expression; but few men can look
on fashionable woman's figure nova
days and say as much.
=" Boy, did you let off that gun? ?"
an enraged schoolmaster.-
" Yes, sir" "Well, what do you think
will do to you?" "Why, let me off,"
- A man who won't take a paper be-
cause he can borrow one, has invented
with which he can cook his din
ner by the smoke of his neighbor's chin
ncy.
-" Have you found a verdict 2" said
n Judge TO foreman of jury.
"No, your honor, we have hunted in
every corner Of the room, and there isn't
one here"
= 1t was wittib, but somewhat un-
gallantly observed, that woman is the
reverse of her mirror-the one reflects
without talking, the other talks without
=" "That which thou has to do, do il
with all thy might" said clergyman TO
his son one morning. -
$50 l did" said Bill, with nm enthusi-
astic CLEAN in his eye.
"Ah! what was it, darling9" and the
fathers fingers ran through the loved off
springs curls.
Why, wolloped Jack Edwards till
he yelled. You should just have heard
him holler, dad"
The father looked unhappy, he explain
ed TO him that the precept did not apply
10 an act like that.
"A young bachelor who had been
appointed deputy sheriff, was called on
10 serve an attachment against beauti-
ful young widow. He accordingly call
ID on her and said:
"Madam l have an attachment for
YOU"
The widow blushed and said she was
happy TO inform him that his attachment
was reciprocated.
"You did not understand me, you
must proceed to court"
81 know it is leap year, sir, but I'd
prefer you'd do the courting."
"Mrs. p, this is no time for trihing,
n