Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1861-06-13
ARTEMUs WARD IN the SOUTH.
HIS ] ria . and Adventures.
fPrsm Vanity Fair


Parison to my trubles. came pesky near
swesrin sum profsne osths more n onct, but I
hope didn't do it, for I've promist she whose
nsme shall be nameless Except that her ini-
tlais Is Betsey J-0 that I'll jine the Meetin
House at Baldinsville, jest as soon as can
scrspe money enuf together 30 can ford to
be pluss IN COED stile, like my welthy nahers
But IT I'm confsticated sgin I'm fraid shall
continner on in my present benited state for
sum time.
lhSserd conspicyusly In many thrIllin scenes
IN my tower from Montgomry to my humsted,
and on sevril occasions thought t'the crate
komic paper" wouldn't never be inriched no
more with my lubrications Arter biddin
adoo to Jeferson u. started for the depot.
saw niger sittin on f3nce s-plsyin on a
banjo. my Afrikin Brother" sed 1, eotin
from Track onct red, '.you belong to a very
interestin race. Your masters is going to war
excloosiViy On your account"
Yes, boss" be replied, "an wish 'em
honorable graves :" and he went on pIayin the
banjo, lsrfn all over and openin his mouth
wide enuf to drive in an old-fashined 2
wheeled ohAise
The train of ears in which was to trust nv
wallerble life was the scaliest rickytiest lookin
lot Of consarns that ever saw on wheels afore
'WhaE time does this string Of second hand
c0thns leave! inquired Of the depot master
He sed Gireckly, and went is sot down I
hadn't more'n fairly squst,ed afore a dark
iookin man with 4 swinstsr expression onto his
OOuhOontbCc tue cars, ana lOOkIn verY
sharp az me. he axsd what was my principlesl
''S Secesh ~ I anssrd. I'm a Dissoluter.
I'm in favor Of JEFF Davis, Bouregard Pick
ems, Capt. Kidd, Bloobeard, Munro Eiards,
the devil, Mrs. Cunningham, and all the rest
Of 'em"
"You' re in favor Of the WARP"
"Certingly. By all means I'm in favor of
this war and also Of the next war I've been
in favor Of the next war for over sixteen
years."
Z" War to the kn.ye ?" sed the man.
biud, Fargo, blud ~ sed l, tho them words
ism; orIggernal With me. Them words was
rit by Shakespeare, who Is ded His Mantle
fell onto the author Of the The Seven Sis.
tsrs, who's gOin to hav Spring overcoat
made out Of it.
We got under way at larst, an proceeded on
our lerney at about the rate of speed vhisE is
ginrslly obsarved by pIoperIy-conducted fu-
neral professions. hansum yung gal, with
red musketer bar on the back part OF her
hed, and sassy little black hat tipt over her
f0rrsTd, sot in the seat with me. She wore a
Htie Sesesh tag pn'd onto her hat, and she
vas gOin for to see her troo love, who had
Jlned the Southern army, all so bold and gay
90 sho told me. She was chilly and oferd
her my blanket
- Father livin :" axed
yes SIR"
''Got any Uncles?''
q heap. Uncle Thomas Is ded, tho"
Peace to Uncle TbOmss's ashes, and suc-
cess to him will be your Uncle Thomas
Loan on me, my pretty Secesher, and linger in
blissiui rspOse :" She slept as secoorIy as in
her o%2 housen, and didn't disturb the sol.
lum stiffness Of the night with 'ary snore
AT the hrst station troop Of Snjers catered
the cars and inquired if "Old Wax Works"
was on bored. Taat was the disrespcstiy stile
IN which they referred to me. "BeoawI if
OId Wax Works is on bored" seI a nan with
afscs like a double brested lobster, s'we're
going to hang OH Wax Works ~
" Ny iilusi-IOus and patriotic Bunmers ."
sez l, giJtin up and takin Orf my ShappOo,
- III you alludc TO A. Ward, it's my pieasin
d1Oty to inform you that he's ded. He sa~ ths
errer OF his ways at Is minits parst yester-
day and stabbed hisself with a stuffed sled
stake, dyin In I've beautiful tsblOOs to slow
moOsc! His larst words was: MY perfesh-
ernal career is over jsrk no more!"
'And who be you p"
I'm stoodout in Senator Benj1min's law
ofiss IN going up North to steal sum spoons
and things tor the Suthern Army"
Ihs was satisfdctry and the intossicated
troopers went orr. At the next station the
pretty little Secesher awoke and sed she must
git out there / bid her kind adoo and Civ
her some pervisions. Accept my blessn and
this hunk Of gingerbread >" sed She thapkt
me muchly aud triPt galy away. There's con-
Siderable human mater IN a msn, and IN fraid
shall alters CIV aid and comfort to the enemy
II he Gums to me in the shape Of nice young
gal.
At the next station didn't git orf so easy
was dragged out Of the cars and rolled in the
mud for sevral minits, for the purpuss of. Ia
kln the conceet out Of me, i" as Seoesher kind
ly stated.
/ WAS let up finally, whepa a powerful large
Secesher came up and embraced me- and
20 show that be had ns hard feeIius agiu me-
put his nose in my mouth. I returned the COM
piIment by placin my stummick suddenly agn
his right foot, when he kindly made a s1lt-
lR-hO id A.1o
desire to see whether the Secesher had bin
vsXinated i then fastened my teeth onto his
lef, coat sleeve and tore it to the shoulder Wo
then vilently hunted our heads together for a
few minits danced around little, aud sot
down in a mud paddle. - riB to cur feet scin
Il by sudden adroit movement placed
my ief. eye agin the Secesher's fist. We then
rushed into each others arms and fell under
tTo-horse wagon. / was very much exhaustid
and didn't care about gittin up agin, but the
man sed I'd better; and concleod cd would.
lie pulled me up, but hadn't bin on my feet
more'n two seconds afore the ground few I'D
and bit me in the he'd The crowd sed il was
high old sport, but couldn't Iakly see where
the lsftur come in. riI and We embraced
sgin. We careered madly to q steep bank
when got the upper hands Of nv antagonist
and threw him into the raveen. He fell about
40 feet, striking grindstone pretty hard. I
understood be was injured. l haven't heard
from the gripdstone-
n OOOhe cum up anu sou NO ltlI
as tho apology was doc ne. There was q
mistake. The crowd had taken me for another
man! / told him not 20 menshun It, axed him
II bis wife and little ones was so 10 be about
aud got on bored the train, which had stopped
a. that station 30 minits for refreshments {"
got all Wsntid. II was the hartiest meal I
ever ct.
Twas rid On a rale the next day, bunch Of
blaIin FIRE crackers ben tied TO my Goa. tales
1t was 6ne spectacyl in q dramatic pint of
view but didn't enjoy it, had other ad-
yen'ers Of s,rtin kind, but why continner!
SUfisi. to say got across Mason & Diyis's line
safe at Ias.. made tracks for rny humsted.
but she with whom I'm harnis, for life failed
70 recognize, in the emsshiated bein who stood,
before her. the gushin youth Of forty SIX sum
mers who had left her only few months sfore.
But went into the pantry, and brought oct u
oeT'in black bottle Rs'in il to my lips. l
sed - Here's TO you, old gsl"' / did IL 80