Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1861-08-15
Specimen sproEEics Joins The
Volunteers.

before me;--in fact all our family have
been patriots. My gran mother knit
socks for the men Of '76, and my grand.
father made his pile selling them at two
shillings pair. He was the original
"Sockdolager." The bare.footed soldiers
at Valley Forge chlistcned him, because
hc socked it to 'ern selling socks. Then
| had an uncle with the "Cow-boys,"
who supplied Gen. Washington's army
with milk and butter; and my mother is
d 'forty-second" cousin to Moll Pitcher,
who. sold the men hard cider, and gave
'em salt doughnuts to make 'em thirsty.
We are race patriots. Pm patriot
"a genuine chip Of the old block, sliced
off the tough side.
When the war came, the ancestral
blood in my veins rose to fever heat, but
| couldn't get it to boil till the frst com.
pany was full, and off to the wars. AZ.
ter the Meadville Volunteers left, my girl
told me her daddy ssid--"every young
man between twenty-five and twenty
three, and born in July, ought to lend
himself to his country these hot times"
The old man struck my age and birth
exactly. Guess it wasn't all accident
don't want me to have his daughter
wants me killed. Blood took the hint
and sizzled me right into the ranke. Got
a pair Of pants with a red stripe running
down each leg, like lightning chasing a
fox squirrel on a worm fence. Got
soldier hat, an | full-breasted coat with
two quarts Of brass buttons on it. Lent
myself. Joined the "Ferocious Fighting
Feejees." Stand six feet ten in slippers,
Am tallest kind of Specimen. Have
length, breadth and pth,-weigh two
hundred and forty pounds, divide space
hive feet at pop, and when carry arms
the point of the bayonet ticllles my ear
Some of the boys said l would make a
high private. Thought I'd rather be a
low officer; and be elected Corporal
Another big fellow running for the same
office asked me if l knew what the Cor
poral had to do? Told him no. Said
he had to go in front in fight. and keep
tall of the killed and wounded. Con-
cluded | didn't want to be Corporal, and
wasn't a candidate. Big fellow was
elected without opposition, then
grinned at me, with his thumb on his
nose and his fingers wiggling. Thought
he was practicing keeping tally.
Went to drill Captain-a little fell
low-sai1, "fall into line" Fellows all
got in line but none of 'em fell down.
Captain said "dress right" Thought |
was dressed all right, but some of the
fellows looked shabby enough. Captain
punched his sword at my legs, and said,
''dreSs left" Told him "darn'd if was
going to drill without my clothes on. -
Captain said "mark timen' Took out
my watch and noticed it was just thirty
i've minutes to supper time. Some OF
the fellows began throwing out first one
foot and then the other. Followed snit,. =
and capsized the fellow in front. Jump
ed up, and asked me what l was doing?
Told him marking time. Said ''come to
time!' and my nose came against his fist.
Learned what fighting time was. Cap
tain said "march!' Turned round to
tell him | hadn't my baggage ready; when
the front fellows struck off in a bee line,
and the hind ones came pilling on top Of
ne like thousand brick. Captain swore
1t em a while, and then got US in line
I again. Said "march." Marched. Trod
on the fellows heel in front. Fellow
knocked the front file into a cooked hat.
! Captain swore at 'em again, and took
me ont one side for "private instruction"
Captain said 'ary red?" Told him "nary
red p Said "pay your footing!" Show
ed him shoemaker's receipt for my boots.
Said "come down with the spondulicsp'
Told him to come up with the 'collaterals.'
Captain got in front Of me and straitened
up like "A rooster going to crow. Said
fright footn' Right-footed him about
two feet high. Came down on his dig
nifty, and ordered me to throw my feet ont
de-ways. Gave cowkick with each
foot, and slammed two one hundred and
eighty pound fellows slap up against
him. Captain gruntei, and told me not
to throw 'em so high. Gave q sidewipe,
and kicked dirt in his face. Captain
went it blind, Told me to hold my toe
up. Stuck it under his chin, and took
the starch out of his collar. Captain
swore | was all legs, and said cleft foot!'
Lelt-iooted towards the supper table,
Captain told me to keep step to the
emusic Of the Union" Told him it was
little too fast for me Just now. Captain
got in front. Turned his back to me.
My toe drew bead and wanted to fire at
the soldier buttons on his coatt tail. Kept
it from going off by putting in few jig
steps. Captain told me to stick close
and lift my feet when he lifted his. Stuck
close. Captain lifted his foot. Caught
him under the heel with my toe, and gave
a wo-horse power kick, Captain kicked
Il himself on the nose Ditto his othet toot
Dittoed about twenty PAGES, when Cap
tain complained of a pain in his thigh,
and turned me over to the Sergeaut.--
Sergeant wanted me to treat. Treated
him with contempt, and he re-treated.
Don't think Pll make good soldier
in fact Pm not fighting man any
way. Am q patriot-but a man can be
patriot without fighting. My father
was patriot, and he didn't fight, and
Henry Clay, ond Daniel Webster, too,
then there's Abe Lincoln, and General
,, Scott, they are patriots, but they dou't
fight They on make other men fight
Fighting patriots get killed sometimes
Who ever heard of a President or a biz
General being killed? Fighting patriot