The national Republican., 1861-01-08
NATIONAL REPUBLICAN.
A HUMOROUS REPORT.

At the Sagadahoc Agricultural Fair, Rev.
George E. Adams, d. D., of Brunswick, was
appointed chairman of the Committee on Pre-
serves, Pickles, &c. His report is very reada.
BILE, full of humor and good sense, and flashes
Of wit, which, when read, convulsed the audi.
ence present with laughter. He first ascertains
the duty Of the committee, by an analysis of the
meaning Of the terms preserves, pickles, and
so fortk," giving definitions from Webster and
citations from Shakespeare
"How camest thou in this pickle?"
and admits that the committee are in fine
pickle, having to adjudicate the contending
claims of parcel Of notable housewives.
After awarding the premiums, the reverend
gentleman concludes with a series of recipes,
which will, we doubt not, be read with pleasure
by all. We have the following:
To make Vineger Of the strongest kind
Take one quart of milk of human kindness,
such as the poet sings Of, pour into an earthen
the sun. Place in the chair regular, old.
fashioned, tattling, misunderstanding gossip,
spectacles on nose, snuff box in left hand, a
large pinch between thumb and finger of the
right; let her look intently at the aforesaid
milk fifteen minutes by the kitchen clock, with.
out winking, and it it isn't sour and sharp at
the end Of fifteen minutes-report to the com.
mittee, and they'll drink it.
TO impdrt double relish to Preserves and
Pckles.-Send q small jar OF each, with best
respects, to your minister. Or if you should
hear that q neighbor has got the start of you, q
peck Of peas or bushel of potatoes, or few
rolls first premium butter will answer.
N. B. Never mind the Printer. lie lives on
Gas.
TO keep good natured, nerer guarrel.-lf it
should fail, give something to somebody every
day.
To keep up a neighboring qndrrel.-Stir it
once q week adding if needful a few drops Of
"ile O vitril." 1t will be as good hundred
years hence as it is to day.
TO keep good ndnae.-Be good man, and
above all never be candidate for Governor or
President.
10 preserve an old Foy-Put in barrel
and head up. There's pepper and vinegar
enough in him to keep him, without further
application, as long as the world wants him.
TO Preserre Beauty.-Say your prayers every
morning, read your Bible every night, and the
newspaper every week. Never scold your hus
band, for every scolding causes two wrinkles,
one in the scolder, the other in the scoldee.
Cultivate your mind - cultivate your aztec.
tions-for there is no genuine beauty without
intellect and heart. Never be impatient. Ever
return smiles for frowns.
To Keep Beau.-First-as Mrs. Glass, in
her cook book, says about the ,urbot-catch
him. Then, il your beau, being fairly Tor un
fairly caught, belongs TO the genus homo, if
in other words, he is real man, treat him
once a week-any time but Saturday nights
lest he should sleep in meeting on Sunday-tc
a dish composed Of two parts good, frank, com
mon sense and one part hearty, womanly kind
ness. But, if he belong to the genus sin,ia
which is, being interpreted, dandy, apply soft
soap, laid on pretty thick, and he will be sure
to last till the next crop comes in, when you
can easily get another Of the same Sort just as
good.
To Keep a Beau-[ Miss --'s iody -
Take him into the kitchen, the store room, the
cellar, show him the preserves the pickles, and
all the nice things your own fair hands Tor YOU
mothers) have made, suggesting the anticipa
tion of many sweet and goods things in year.
to come.
TO Keep Beau when all other Method
Fdit-Shortest, Cheapest, Surest tcay Of ALL
Send for the chairman of the committee OF
preserves, pickles, and so forth, who will quick
ly put the poor young man into pickle, whicl
he will not quickly get out Of
All Of which is most respectfully submitted.