The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-06-26
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
: Perseverance will accomplish great

Learning makes man fit company
for himself.
= Motto fora book-kecper-"Charge,
Chester, charge"
To prevent a headache when getting
sober-keep drunk.
= 1t costs more to revenge wrongs
than TO bear them.
= To make nice jam--lay your head
under a descending pile-driver.
- The hardest rain only vets tho body
but the hard word cuts the heart.
- Miseries of Life-Toasting cheese,
and when it is more than half done, let it
fall into the ashes.
= You never called to waiter, when
he was leaving the room, but he answer
ed, "Coming, SIR"
= Where girl has too many boys
about her, the indication is like that of
buoys of Observation-Disclosures here.
- The saying that "there is more
pleasure in giving than recoiving," is sup
posed to apply to kicks, medicine and ad-
vice.
= Ladies who wish to punish their
husbands should remember that little
sunshine will melt an icicle much sooner
than a northeast haze.
= There is an old fellow in Nashville,
who snores so loud that he is obliged to
sleep at house on the next street, 10
avoid waking himself.
Children wouldn't cross their parents
so often when they are grown up, if they
were to cross their parents knees little
oftener when they were little.
= An old bachelor probably wrote the
following: "'Twixt women and wine,
mans lot is to smart; It's wine makes his
head ache, and women his heart"
= A fellow charged in an indictment
with stealing n hoe, was, upon trial, dis
charged--it being proved That the article
taken was an ax. The matter was reg
ular hoax.
- Dobb, the portrait painter, says that
everything should be in character. For
instance, search warrants should be print
ed on " tracing paper" and wedding no
tices on 'fools-cap."
-"Now hooker yer, Charly-Jim
mout be an honest nigger, and then agin
he moutn't; but if l was pullet, or even
an ole shanghai cock, and knowed he mas
about de yard, tell yer what, nigger, I'd
roost high-I would"
"Speaking of shaving" said pret-
ty girl TO an obdurate old bachelor, " |
should think that pair of handsome eyes
would be the best mirror TO shave by"
I" Yes, many poor fellow has been shav-
ed by them," replied the wretch.
An Arkansas cx-judgo and great
orator said once, in murder case: Fer
was not Moses, the strongest of men,
struck dead by thunderbolt from the
hands of Samson, on the top of Mount
Tabor, for Staying an Egyptian at the
foot of the pyramid of Cyrus, king OF
Athens"
- AT n late trial somewhere in Yer
mont, the defendent who was not famil-
lar with the multitude of words which
the law employs TO make very trifling
charge, after listening to the reading OF
the indictment for some time, jumped up
and said: "Them allegations is. false, and
that ere alligator knows it?'
-" Captain" said ragged country
urchin to city dandy with an immense
shirt collar, abe you goin' TO haul manure
to-dayw
"No, you ragged rascal; what makes
you ask that question:"
Why, kase you've got such thun-
derin' big pair of sideboards up"
-" DO you retail things here" asked
a green-looking specimen of humanity, as
he poked bis head into drug store.
Yes, sir" replied the clerk, thinking
he had got customer.
Then l wish you would retail my
dog-he had it bitten off about a month
ago" And greeny strolled down street,
with one eye closed.
- A young bachelor, who had been
appointed deputy sheriff, was called upon
TO serve an attachment against a beauti-
ful young widow. He accordingly called
upon her and said:
Madam, ! have an attachment for
YOU"
The widow blushed, and said she was
happy to inform him that his attachment
was reciprocated.
"You do not understand me; you
must proceed to court"
al know il is leap-year, sir, but | pre-
fer you would do the courting."
"Mrs. P, this is no time for trif1ing