Smyrna times., 1861-06-13
The Man who Lost his Pants,

The following is passage from the laugha-
Bile tale of" Desperation" one of the rich art- |
cles which are embraced IN the literary re
mains to Willis Gaylord Clark. 1t is only
necessary to premise that the writer is Phila.
oelphla student who, after a stolen fortnight
amid the gayeties of Washington season."
hnds himself, through the remissness ofa chum,
at Baltimore, on his way home, without pen.
ny IN his pocket. He stops at fashionable
hotel, nevertheless, where, after tarrying day
or two, be finally at the heel ofa grand dinner.
onlneS SotuS, in his private apartment, iiankcd
with abundant Champagne and Burgundy, re.
solves to disclose TO the landlord. Summoning
a waiter he says.
ASK the landlord to step up to my room,
and bring his bill"
tie clattered down stairs, and shortly there.
after his master appeared.
lie entered with a generous smile, which
made me hope for the best that the house af.
torded, and that just then was credit.
chow much do | owe you!' said !. He
handed me the bill with all the grace of a po-
lite expectancy.
" Let me see-seventeen dollars How ve-y
reasonable But, my dear sir, the most d:sa-
greeable part of the matter is now TO be dis
closed. | grieve to inform you that, at pre-
sent, am out of money, but know by your
phlanthroplc looks that you will be satisfied
when tellyou that if had it | would give it
TO you with unfegned pleasure. But you see
my not having the change with me is the rea-
son don't do it; and am sure you will let the
matter stand, and say no more about it. | am
q stranger 10 you, that's fact, but IN the place
where came from, all my acquaintances knew
me as easy as can be-
The landlord turned all colors.
Where do you live, anyhow!"
In WASH should say Philadelphia"
HIS eyes flashed with angry disappointment
4" see how it is mister; my opinion is, thai
you are backlPg. You don't know where
your hcme is. You begin with Washington.
and then drop it for Syracuse. You must pay
that bill !"
"But Ican't."
"Then i'll take your clothes if don't, blew
me tight"
ScoundreI said / rising bolt upright,
" DO II you dare DO it-and leave the rest
to me!'
There were no more words. He arose de.
liberatly, seized my only inexpressbles, and
walked down stairs.
Physicians say that ne two excitements can
exist at the same time in The system. External
circumstances drove away, almost Immediately,
the confusion Of my brain.
| arose and looked out Of the window. The
snow was descending as | drummed on the
window pane. What was to do! An uH-
happy wight sans culIOtes, in strange city !;
no money and slightly inebrated. A thought
struck me.
! had large, full cloak, which, with nv other
appointments, save those took, the landlord had
spared. | dressed Immediately drew on nv
boots over my fair white drawers, aud unlike
small clothes put on my vest. cravat, and coat
laid travelling cap frommy trunk jaunlingly
over my forehead, and, singing my fine mantle
gracefully about me, made my way into the
street.
Attracted by shining lamps in the porico at
new hotel a few squares from my lodgings,
entered, recorded my name on the books, and
bespoke bed. Everything was fresh and neat ;
every servant attentive all argued well.
| kept myself closely cloaked during the
evening, pulled cigar and retired to bed TO
mature my pot.
Waiter. just brush my clothes well INV fire
fellow" said | in the morning, as he entered
the room, "MiRd the pantaloons don't spill
anything from the pockets; there's money in
BOTH"
al don't see no pantaloons."
"The devil you don't. Where are they I"
"Can't tell I'm sure don't know, so help
me God -
"Go down, sirrah, and tell your master to
come up here Immediately"
The publican was with me in u moment.
| had arisen and worked my face before the
glass into fendsh look of passion.
Landlord" exclaimed l, with briet ges.
ture, Z" | have been robbed in you7 house
robbed sir, robbed My pantaloons and purse
containing three fifty dollar notes are gone.
This is pretty hotel is this the way to fulfil the
injunctions Of the Scripture! am q stranger,
and | find myself taken in with q vengenco
| will expose you at once, if | ara not recon-
pensed."
"Pray keepyour temper" said the agitated
| publican. al have just opened this house, and
It is getting a good run !; would you ruin it's
reputation by an accident! | will find out the
william who robbed you, and will send for
tailor to measure you for your missing garment
Your money shall be refunded. DO you see
that your temper is useless! ~
"My dear sir" replied, i" thank you for
your kindness. l did not mean TO reproach b
you. lfmy trowsers can be done to-day | shall
be satisfied; for time is more precious ahan
money. You may keep the others if you find
them, and in exchange for the hundred and
fifty dollars which yon give me, their contents
are yours"
The next evening. with new inexpressibles,
and one hundred and fifty dollars in my purse,
| called upon my guardian in Philadelphia for
sixty dollars. He gave me lecture on COL
legiAte deUerton that shall not soon forget
Ienclosed the money back to my honorable
landlord BY the first mail, settled my bill at cid
CrOty, the first publican, and got my trunk by
mail.
Foolish THINGs.-For a young man to
think that he does himself credit by hanging
around stores and taverns, smok lng segars aud
paying for whiskey and orders, in order to be
called {" Liberal" by clique of youths as sof,
in the brain as himself
For girl TO think che is establishing her
character as young lady Of fashion, by allow
ing her mother to toll through all the drudgery
of the house and then investing her money in