Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1861-01-24
Hit aaa 4jumur.

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Don't marry too smart girl, for she will
ont run you; nor one too simple for chill
take their talents from their mother nor too
rich. for sho will remind yon Of il; nor too
poor. For she will act the beggar on horse
back II medic tuijS5imus ibis.
Only marry mo and Won will have seen
the end q trouble" "Yes, but which end"
Receipts for making pantaloons last
make the coat and vest frat
A rural poet in describing his lady-loye,
SAYS, She is rs graceful as o water-lily,
while her breath is like an armfll of clover"
His case IS certainly cry-ss.
\ western editor suspended tho publica-
ion of bis paper for one week, for the pur-
po>e Of trying his hand At poetry; and after
a long lahorious trial, bo brought forth the
following:
''TniH't every man can he a poet,
No more'n sheep can bs goat"
Mister, I say, I don't suppose you don't
know Of nobody what don't want to hire no.
body to do nothing don, you. The answer
was, "Yes don't
Why is beautiful lady's foot like 70
mantle taIef BECAUSE it is most truly an in
terestins leg-cna
Srcenhorn standing by sewing ma
chine at which young lady was at work,
looking alternately at the machine and at its
fair operator. at length gave vent to his ad-
miration with by eoliy it's pnrty, spoc-
tally the part covered with caliker''
a Choice OF A JURY.-A certain sea-cap-
tain, who had considerable interest with
his brother officers and the cook aboard bis
vessel, were once to he tried for an offence
against the laws Of tho navy Of such ma
iurc rs Pat their lives in jeopardy. The
The cook displayed every mark OF fear and
apprehension for his safety The captain,
on the contrary, seemed in very good spirits,
and said
"Chccr up, man, why should you be cast
| down? ! fear nothing, and why should
you?"
why, faith, yonr honor" replied tho fell
| low, 81 should be as courageous as you are
if we were to he tried by jury Of cooks"
How IT llAPrENEu-A country apothcca-
ry. not little distinguished for his impu-
! dencc with a hope Of disconcerting young
clergyman, rhom he knew TO he n man Of
of a large company, why the patriarcbs Of
old lived to such an extreme aee?" To
which the clergyman replied, Il suppose tho
patriarchs took no physic."
Very CAREFUL man was asked a.
dinner whether he wonld take some apple
pic? "ls it hru'es me7' inquired Teddy
"'o hc sure It'll J.; why isn't it?' Because"
said Teddy, II once had au uncle that was
killed with nppleplcxy, and sure enough
thought it was something Of the samo sort"
New TXPERTENcE.-A doubble- -bedded
room does not mean. IA the United States, a
room with two bsds but bed with two por-
sons in il. During the great embargo. |
happened 20 he in Charleston, South Caroli-
ua, wien tbs Landlord proposed to me to
sleep with dmty-looking foreign officer.
"lf cannot haze seperato bed | said
Il prefer sitting 10y the fire all nj sht to sleep
iug with that Russian r.
IL, lao Russian sir 2" said tall, thin in
qui-itiyo Yankee, who stood listening to the
conversation, ''s he Russian I'll take
him. then. if it convrnes you, stranger. I
sh,uld rAth,r Ike it. for "cyer slept with a
russian.
"That's very singular, said Young
lady 20 a ecntcman who had Just kissed
her. "Ob, we'll, my dear Miss, l will
soon make it plural"
"I shall be indebted to you fo- !ife."
as tho man said to his creditors when he
runaway to Australia.