Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1861-02-14
Artemus ward on IEis travels

Since last rit you I've met with immense
success shown my show in valis places,
particly at Detroit. Iput up at Mr.. Russell =
tavern very poDd tavern too, but am sor-
ry to inform you that the clerks tried to cum
a Gouge Game on me. brandished my
new sixteen dollar huntin-cased watch round
considerable, & as was drcsst in my store
clothes & lot ofsweet scented wagon grease
on my hair, am free to confess that thought
J. lookt putty gay 1t never once struck nc
that lookt green. But up steps clerk &
axes me hadn't | better put my watch in the
Safo.. Sir" sez |, 'that watch cost six
teen dollars Yes, sir, every dollar oft /
You can't cum it over me, my boy Not
at all Sir." d" / know'd what the clerk want
cd. He wanted that watch hisself He
wanted to make me believe as tho he lockt
it up in the safe, then he would set the
house fire and pretend as the watch was
destroyed with the other property But he
caught Tomarter when he got hold ofme.
From Detroit go West'a ard hoe. On the
cars was a, he lookin female, with green
cotton umbreler in one hand and handful
of Reform tracks in the other. She ged
every woman should have spear Thom as
didn't demand their spears, didn't know
what was good for them "What il nv
Spear?' she axed, addrcssin the people in
the cars 'ls it to stay at home & darn
stockins & be the ser-iare ofa dominecrin
man? Or is it my Spear tovote & show
myself the ekal of man? Is there a sister
in these keers that has her proper Spear :?
Sayin which the eccentric female whirled
her umbrcller round several times, & finally
jabbed me in the weskit with it.
Il have no ebjecshuns to your goin into
the Spear bizniss, " sez |, ''but YOU Il please
remember amt pickeril. Don't spear
me agin ifyou please" She sot down.
AT Ann Arbor, bein seized with a sudden
ialntness, L called for a drop of suthin to
drink. As was stirrin the beverage up. a
pale faced man with gold spcctacles laid his
hand upon my shoulder, & sed, 'Look not
upon the wine when it is red ~
scz !, This amt wine. This is Old
Rye"
1T stingeth like an Adder and biteth like
Sarpent" sed the man.
II guess not, sed /, when you put su-
gar in it That's the way alters take
"Hav you sons grown up, Sir2" the man
axed,
"Wall," replied, us I put myself outside
my beverage, my son ARTEArUs junior is
going on 49,"
Amt you afraid you set this example
bel him, he'll cum to bad end ?"
He's cum to waxed end already, He's
learnin the shoemakin bizness," / replied.
II guess we can both on us git along with
out your assistance, Sir, II obsarved, as he
was about to open his mouth agin.
This is cold world p sed the man.
That's so. But you'll git into warmer
one by and by, if you don't mind your own
bizniss BETTER | was little riled at the
Teller because Inever take anythin only when
| really need it. | afterwards learned he
was a. Temperance lectnrer, and if he call in.
JUICE men to stop settin their nards OH fire
with the frightful Ticker which is ptailed
round the country, shall heartily rejoice
Better Civ men Prussck Assid to onct, than
to pizin EN- to deth by degrees.
At Albion | met with overwhelmin suc.
cess. The celebrated Albion Female Semi
nary is located here & there air over 800
young ladies in the institushun pretty enuif
TO eat without seasonin or sass. The Young
ladies' was very kind to me, volunteerin to
pin my handbills onto their dresses. Itwas
n sublime site TO SEQ over 300 young ladies
goin round with advertisement of A.
WAnD's unparalleled show, conspickusly
posted onto their dresses.
They've got q Panick up this way and ro
fooze to tai ke Western money. 1t never was
worth much. and when western men, who
know what it is, refooze to take their own
money it is about time other folks stopt
handlin il. Banks are Dustin every day
goin up higher nor any balloon of which we
hav any record. These western bankers air
a sweet d luvly set of men. wish owned
as good house as some of en- would break
into
virtoo is its own reward. A. WARD.
Il Vanity Fair.