The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-08-21
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

= An emblem of wisdcm, strength
and beauty--a blooming young lady writ
ing editorials.
= Douglass Jerrald calls woman's
arms the serpents that wind about n
mans neck, killing his best resolutions"
=" I'll pay your bill at sight" as the
blind man said TO the.doctor, who had in
vain attempted to cure him of blindness.
= A young lady is charged with hav-
ing said that, if cart-wheel has nine fel-
locs, it's pity if pretty girl like her
can't have one.
- Silent virtues in solitude are worth
all the noisy honors of active life. He
that stands below on firm ground, is in
no danger of falling.
= A recipe for health may be given
in the following words: Good hours,
good habits, good thoughts, good feelings
and clear conscience.
-"I am happy, Ned, to hear the re-
port that you have succeeded to a large
landed poperty." 81 am sorry, Tom, TO
tell you it is groundless,"
- We have enjoyed the world as much
as others, but have never been happier
than when boy we found partridges
nest with eleven eggs in it.
- Lucy Stone says: "The cradle is
n woman's ballot box" Then we've
known some unlawful voting, where two
ballots were deposited at time.
-" La, me! !" exclaimed Mrs. Parting
ton, Il didn't know afore that they
fought in court, but l see by the ncwspa-
pers that the Judge charged the jury"
= Prentice says of an Indiana editor,
+" he is so mean, that he would if it were
possible TO collect the amount, charge his
stomach with storage, for the victuals be
eats"
- A doctor went to bleed dandy,
who languidly exclaimed "Oh, doctor,
you're great butcherp To which the
doctor rejoinod, 80 yes, I'm used to stick
ing calves"
= The most remarkable case of indie
cision we ever heard of, was that of the
man who sat up all night, because he cod
not decide which to take oil first, his
coat or his boots.
- The Cuban ladies must be model
women, for, according TO Madame LeVert,
4" they never speak i'll of each other, but
always find some paliation for the errors
of their own sex."
- The latest case of absence of mind
is that of young lady who, on return
ing from n walk with her lover the other
evening, raped him on the face, and babe
the door good night.
= A butcher suggests the very sensi-
bio idea, that if certain people would ex-
ercise as much caution in regard TO their
drink, rs they do concerning their meat,
there would be decline in the price of
bad liquor.
- A lady making inquiries of boy
about his father, an Incorporate man, who
had been sick for some time, asked wheth-
er he had regained his appetite. "No,
ma'am," said the boy, "not exactly; his
appetite is very poor, but his drink-atite
is as good as ever"
- Donald" said n Scotch DAME
looking up from the catcchism to her son,
whats n slander?" "a slander, guide
mither9" quoth young Donald, twisting
the corner of his plaid, "aweel, l hardly
ken, unless it be mayhap an over true
tale which one guide woman tells of anith-
er."
=" Young man, do you know what
relations you sustain in this world? 2" said
a parson TO young member Of the
church.
"Why, yes, sir" replied the hopeful
convert, " should think so, two cousins
and a grandmother; but don't intend
of sustain them much longer"
:" "Bob, lower yourself into the well
and holler for help"
What for?"
"To frighten daddy, and make some
fun"
Bob did rs he was desired, but got
moro than ho bargained for. 1t was ad-
ministered with a hickory sapling.
- When one asks question it is
pleasant to be answered to the point
For instance:
Halo, boy, did you see rabbit cross
the road there just now"
ga rabbitp
Yes, be quick, rabbit"
Was it kind of gray varmint?"
Yes yesp
A longish cretur, with short tail I"
Yes, be quick or he'll gain his bur
row."
"Had it long legs behind, and big
cars ~
Vost ,,os ~