Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1861-08-16
MATRIMoNIAL INFELIcIT1Es
BY AN IRRITABLE MAN

I Ri AA IRRITABLE NAN
I" "why you don't keep those children, !" l
said to my wife, from making such an
abOminable noise while am in the house,
l can't imagine. ] should think that you'd
instruct them TO be qGiet and behave them
selves when am at home. They have all
the day, from nine o'clock until FIVE, in
which to play and make rs much noise as
they please, and why you will allow them
to keep it up until bed time, really don't
understand. After I've been busily en-
ployed down town for six or eight hours,
toilinE for you and the children, want,
when return home, to enjoy restand quiet
and not find myself, the moment enter the
house, in the midst of bcdlnm."
THE noise they make" said my wife,
looking up from her work, can be no more
annoying to you than it is to me, who have
to be subjected 10 it all day. I'm sure my
nerves ought TO be made of iron to enable
me to endure it. You, in reality, expert
ence little of its unplensantness but here
1 am, shut up, day after day, with these
noisy beings, Obliged oftentimes, through
lack of strength to correct them, to submit
to their caprices and naughtiuess, while
you are abroad in the open air, and free
from the petty anEoyances which surround
me. You men, though, think woman's
/
to live only one such day as this has been.
l have been obliged to have the sole care of
the children ever since morning, ard, be-
tween theircrying and boisterous behavior,
they have nearly worn me out. My head
aches violently, and it doesn't seem US if
my fingers could take another stitch
.'But why" / asked IL did you take so
much upon yourself? Why didn't you let
I Knty have charge of the children, as usu-
alt"
Because this is ironing day, and Katy
always has to assist the lnundress."
! "But what is the use,n ! inquired, "of
having Katy to take care of the children,
unless she does it2 If the laundress can
not perform her work herself, why you'd
better get some one who can, so that Katy
can attend 10 her own business. Now, if
/ there be one thing / dislike more than
another, it is your mismaungement with
the servants. Each one should have her
own duties to perform, and not interfere
with, or assist in, those of another
should inst like TO have the control of this
household for week, when think could
/ effect n revolution in it OF most satisfuc-
tory character"
''I am sure" said my wife, "I have no
objection to your taking the entire charge
of the house for year or longer. A pref
ty honsekeeper, though, you'd make.
think you would find it n more difficult
task, however, than you imagine"
"All that is necessary to insure we'll
| regulated household, my dear" said, "is
a proper system. System is the basis of
all overnments-domcstic and national.
Without il, disorders are certain to prevail.
l have theory about government, which,
it you will listen to me, I'll explain to
you. In the first place
"I don't think" said my wife, interrupt
/ ing me, s.that l have time at present to
hear your theory, even if the little ones
would remain quiet long enough to allow
me to give you the attention necessary"
"Children, cease your noisel' / exclaim-
ed. But they gave no heed to my COM
mand. and raised such hubbub that it
called forth from me an expression which
only the extreme circumstances of the case
warranted.
"DOn't speak so, said my wife, sOotb-
ingly. 81 have been obliged to endure
much more than this all day, and have not
once lost my temper"
"Good graciousl' 1 exclaimed, "what
confounded muss have set down inI
Some sticky stuff. declare, it's molasses.
If there be one thing dislike to sit in
I more than another, it is molasses. Why
I 40 you hilOW Tue CullQEen 10 uhNb III
4 EI don't know where they got it from,
am sure" answered my wife, ''for l was
not aware there was drop in the house.
Knowing how averse you are to having
the little ones use it, since they stick
themselves up with it so, have denied it
to them for months past"
"Well, it appears they have got some, at
all events, and Look at that child
daubed from head to foot"
Here the slim girl of thirteen made her
appearance with plate containing sticks
of molasses candy, which, she said, she
had made for papa. Now, if there be one
thing I dislike more than another, is is
molasses candy made for papai but, on the
present occasion, took the plate, with its
entire contents, determined that it, at least,
should not be distributed over the floor,
chairs, and table.
Every piece of furniture in the room, {"
said, sis sticky with this confounded
stuh. Every door-knob and window pane
is marked with it, and every part of the
house, for week to come, will be redolent
of it. The factis, my dear, you allow tho
children to do just as they please, and when
1t isn't molasses they get into, it is honey
or sweetmeaIs. What is the use of being
a mother, unless yon can manage your
children, and keep them out Of the mo-
lasses Jug"
Ny wife said she didn't see any use In it
which seemed TO me rather an equivoca !
answer. While was pondering over this
reply, my eyes fell upon the candy before
me. IL seemed to be filled with ruisius,
II examined il carefully, and the raisins re.
solved themselves into flies.
4GOod gracious r. I exclaimed, sswhat
could have induced that child to put flie,
into the candyTa
plies echoed my wife.
"Yes," I repeated, "fiies."