The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1861-08-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
: This life is only a prelude tc eter.


nine genderG, Alas.
- The movement that was on foot has
taken carriage.
= A chap in Detroit has invented a
machine to make haste.
- Who is the first woman mentioned
in the bible9 Jenny Sis.
- Look not for confidence in that heart
at whose portals sits selfishness.
= All that most young women need
to infame their hearts is spark.
- What can a man have in his pock-
ct when it is empty? A big hole.
- My dear-an expression used by
man and wife at the commencement of a
quarrel.
- At what point do armies generally
enter hostile cities? At the point of the
bayonet.
= The fellow who slept under I" the
cover of night" complains that he camo
very near ferezing.
= A mechanic up town makes watch
es that 60 so fast that they get fourteen
days into week.
- Lawyer--A learned gentleman who
rescues your estate from your enemy and
keeps it himself.
= Sympathy of tastes is a pleasing
attraction, but cougeniality OF principle is
the cement of souls.
= The Post has been studying Fon-
otophy; here is specimen: "Wat kant
b ord must b ndurd."
= What means of conveyance by land,
and what by water are ladies the fondest
of? Busses and smacks.
= A good many flying rumors of the
day would be more appropriately desig-
mated by taking Oft the f.
= The man who undertook to blast
his neighbor's prospects, used too short
fuse, and got blown up himself.
81 have very little respect for the
ties of this world" as the chap said when
the rope was put around his neck.
- The editor of the New Orleans Pic
dyune calculates that ho is bitten by two
millions of mosquitoes every night.
= In Australia il costs half dollar
to look at becfsteak. To indulge, you
must draw V, and be served lightly at
that.
- There is firm in Elgin, Illinois,
known as Gray q Lunt, Half the let
ters come to them directed to Lay O.
Grunt.
- They have got to growing chickens
so large in Massachusetts, that farmers
have to sell them by the quarter, like
pork.
Military funerals are managed
queerly in California. After burying the
defunct, the band returns and serenades
the widow.
- Some fast youngsters wear blue
coats and brass buttons. The blue is in
dicativc of their feelings, and the brass of
their manners.
= Sink moi beneath reverses. Play
the game of life boldly. Here, at least,
you may copy the gambler, who doubles
his stakes rs fast as he loses.
= One of the best looking girls in the
Troy Seminary is red haired girl from
Vermont. Out Of compliment to her
hair they call her the "torch of love-"
= A horse pistol belonging 10 Tom
Knight of Albany, broke its halter one
day last week, and before it could be ar
rested, kicked the porter down into the
front cellar.
-"You dentist, Bob? l did not
know you were in that trade" EYES,"
said Bob, 81 follow no other business but
setting teeth-in beef, potatoes, bread,
and such like"
= Grape vines grow in California with
great rapidity. A FRIEND of ours put q
saddle on one the other day, and in the
course of a single night was carried up
wards of twenty-seven miles.
- When Michigan girl is kissed, she
looks surprised, and says, chow could
your To which the swain replies, ait
will give inc great pleasure to show you,"
and proceeds to give her duplicate.
- Many persons are now examining
the maps to find the "seat of war" Our
editor says he found it this summer with.
out map. The discovery was made by
sitting down upon wasp's nest in hay
field.
- An Irishman took the cars at Bos-
ton for Worcester. On jumping from the
cars he remarked, that " If he had known
he could have made the journey in so
short time he would have walked