Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-09-11

On u bright day, shortly after the Fourth
of July, when the American troops were
making warlike preparations for fight
with the rebels, there might have been seen
in o tent not far from Arlington Heights, q
number Of officers sitting around rudely-
constructed table, upon which were two
geese, several chickens, portfolio and
| paper, pen and ink.
Beyond the lines that formed the official
circle stood a soldier without cap cartridge
| box, belt or side arms.
The Judge Advocate took his seat, and
thus formed, what the reader may readily
| suppose, a court martial.
The disarmed soldier was charged with
killing and capturing two geese and two
! chickens, thus violating an order of the
| Commanding General preventing forci-
bic taking Of personal property. A court
martial in such times, though not wanting
in dignity, is generally hurried to conclu-
sion.
The charge was read, the evidence was
ELECTED, and it seemed to weigh heavily on
the prisoner. He stood with downcast looks,
when presently the Judge Advocate said
''Sir, you have heard the charge and the
evidence adduced to sustain it. 1t has
been proven by the most positive evidence
fifth of July, boldly level your musket,
loaded with round ball and buckshot, and
then did discharge said weapon, the con-
tents thereof taking effect in the vital parts
Of two geese or ganders and two chickens,
the property of some person or persons un-
| known. Thus you did on that especial oc-
| casion violate the order of the Commanding
General, which was issued to prevent the
killing, manning, chasing or wringing the
necks of any geese, chickens, ducks, gos-
lings, pigeons, cows sheep, goats, bulls,
| calves, sows, hogs, boars, roasting pigs, or
any other domesticated animal of what
ever form or nature. Now, sir, what have
/ you to say why sentence should not be pro-
nounced upon your
| "SiT," said the prisoner, raising his head,
| and revealing the features of an irrepressi-
| bic Yankee, I acknowledge that all the
| evidence adduced is true, so far as it goes.
The motives, however, which prompted the
act are known only within my own buz-
zum, and should like to have record of
them made in mitigation of my punish
| ment.'
Judge Acknowledgment freely and
slowly. Clerk, be sure and record every
| word"
Clerk-"Yes, sir; proceed, prisoner"
| Prisoner-"May it please yer, gentlemen,
that the celebration of our National Birth
| day Anniversary famed the flame of my
patriotism into an etarnal conhagration.
My buzzum was q boilin over with the
warm elixer of life, liberty, and the pur-
suit of happiness felt happy, then, as
much so as if were celebrating the birth
day of our country at my gay and happy
|, Green Mountain home far up in the State
of Vermont. felt, sir, that l could have
eaten JEFF. Davis for breakfast lunched OF
, Beauregard at eleven, served up Wigfall al
three o'clock ordinary, and made my sup
per on the hull army of rebels. | haC
scorched my eyebrows-singed my whisk
ers-pealed the skin from my face-burn
} my fingers, and got piece of percussion
Q cap in my eye, on firing the thirteenth
t round in the general celebration of tn
J. everlasting, glorious old Fourth. But
= didn't keer for all this yere; 1 wos palri
: otic,-I wos determined to be patriotic, an,
0 early on the mornin' of the fifth | felt par
ticularly savagorous, and thought I'd take
! mOrnin' stroll in the jews of the valley.
l hadn't got along very far fore sees tn
geese and chickens comm along.
= "Wall, as | said afore, felt might,
/ sight Of patriotic feeling in my buzzum
Y and, jist to keep up my speerits whistle
= Yankee Doodle and then listened to tn
echoes comm back from the woods
II soundin for all the world jist like my owl
| mountain home. | thought the woods wer
I all for the Union. l felt glorious.
I whistled again and again, and so did thu
woods. Wall, as 1 said afore, the geest
came along, and increased the sound O.
my whistle. l put my fingers in my mouth
and l did just so. Here the patriotic
J prisoner gave blow that would have done
no discredit to a Pennsylvania locomotive.
1 got about half way through the chune
when the geese set up an eternal, almighty
kissing, and stuck their long necks and
heads at me.
"Crotch all hemlock, an gosh mighty
but fired up; l was all possessed and
bilin' over with patriotism and glory, and
says l. darn ye-yell hiss Yankee Doodle
will you? Now, darn ye, take that and
blazed away, and two chickens drapped."
A smile played on the faces of the men,
bers of the court martial, and there was q
deal of suppressed laughter.
quickly replied the Judge Advocate, biting
his lips ''they did not hiss ?"
"Wall, no, sir, they did not hiss; they
seemed to be held in reserve to cover thu
retreat of the rebel geese, and they fell be
cause they were in bad company.
The next day the soldier was on duty
none the worse for the court martial
What became of the geese and the chickens
never could be accurately ascertained.
|