Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1861-03-15
Artemms Ward among the Shakers
...His sYaying'' Experience with
two Pretty Shakeresses.

two Pretty Shakeresses.
Artemus Ward, in last weeks Panty
Fair, gives some ,of his experience
among the Shakers /
got down to the table, and the fe.
male in tho meal bag poured out sur,
tea. She sed nothin, and for FIVE min
its tho only 1--we thing in that room WIS
old wooden clock which tickt in q
subdood and bashful manner in the
corner. This deathly stiffness made me
uneasy, and l determined to talk to the
female or bust. So SEE 1, ''marrlge is
again your rules, l bleeve, marin :"
"Yay."
''The sexes liv strictly apart, I
spect?" -a,v.s
"Yay." .n
"It's kinder singler,'' see I, putin
on my most sweetest look and speek,n
in winnin voice, "that so fair made
as thow never got hitched to sum likely
Teller" N. B.-She was upward Of
forty, AID homely as stump fence,
but thawt I'D tickil her.
Il don't like men," she sed, very
short.
} "Wall, l dunno," siz I, "they'er a
! rayther important part Of the popula-
, shun. don't scarcely sec how We
coali git along without 'em."
! cts poor wimmen folks would git
along great deal better If there was
no men J"
e "You'll excuse me marin, but don't
think that air would work. 1t wouldn't
e DO regler."
q "I'm fraid of men - she said.
"That's onncc essary, marin. You
|. amt in no danger. Don't fret your.
q self on that pint"
+ "Here we're shut out Of the einfu
= world. Here all is peas. Here we or,
= brothers and sisters. We don't marry
! ard consistently We havo no domestic
i difficulties. Husbans don't abooz'
q tteir wives-wiyes don't worrit thei1
a husbans. There's no children here Il
q worrit US. Nothing to worrit us here
p No wicked matrimony here. Would
a thow like to be . Shaker %
" "No," sez I, sit sin't my stile."
n had now histed in as big load o.
;. provishuns as l could carry comforta
4 be, AMI leanin' back in my cheer
!, commenst pickin' my teeth with fork
I. The female went out, leavin' me al
!. alone with the clock. l hadn't 50
!. thar long before the elder poked hi
. head in at the door. "You're a mai
!. of sin - be sed, and groaned and wen
= away.
% Directly thar cum in two yaunl
y Shake,esses, as pretty and slick lookin
# gals as I ever met 1t is troo they wa
" dressed in meal bags like tho old ont
. I'd met previsly, and their shiny silky
lar was hid from sight by long white
v caps, such as | spose female gcst
t wear +; but their eyes sparkied liz di
/ minds, their che ks was like roses, ant
,. they was charmin enuff to make mar
! throw stuns at his grandmother, if they
n axed him to. They commens: clearlu
e away the dishes, castin shy glances o,
, me all the time. ! got excited.
n forgot Betsy Jane in my rapter, ana
Il seq |, "my pretty dears, how are ou?'
i "We are well,' they so!umly sed.
Il VIVA. 3 tho old man :" sed I, in q
!. soft voice. ~
"Of whom dcst thow speak broth.
a er Uriah %
n 81 mean the gay and fcstiv cuss who
calls me man of@sin. SLouldnIt Won
!. der If his name was Uriah."
"He has retired"
"Wall, my pretty dsars," seq I, "lets
have sum fun. Let's play Puss in the
corner. What say 2"
care you Shaker, sir - they
axed.
"Wall, my pr,tty dears, haven't
5 arrayed my proud form in long
wcsk:t yit, but if they was all like you
2 perhaps I'd jine 'em. As it is I'm a
t Shaker pro:emporary."
They was full Of fun. I seed that
at fust, only they was a little skeery.
, | tawt 'em Fuss in the corner aid SIGH
like phase, and we had nice time,
keepin quiet of course so tie old man
shouldn't hear. When we broke u }.
seq I, my pretty dearg, ear 20 you
have no objections, hav you, to ain:
I