Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1861-01-11

pack Of offs seekers from chawin him up
alive without benefit of clergy. The mint
he reached the fireplace he jumped up,
brushed the sut cut of his eyes, and yelled,
Don. make pintment at the Spunkyille
post offs till you've red my papers, All
the respectful men in our town is signers
to that there dockyment -
"Good God !" cried Old Abe, .sThev
cum upon me from the sk1ze-doun the
chimneys, and from the bowels of the
yearth !"
He hadn't more'n got them words out
of his delikit mouth before two fat offs
seekers from Wisconsin in endeavorin to
crawl atween his legs for the purpose of
apIlyin for the tollgateship of Milwawky
upset the President eleck, & he would
heY gone sprawlin into the fireplace if
hadn't cot him in these arms. But
hadn't more n stood him up strate, before
another man came crushin down tie chin
ney, his he'd strikin me vilently agin the
inards and prostratin my voluptoos form
onto the floor. ''DIr Linkin," shouted
the infatooated being, 'my papers is sined
by every clergyman in my town, and like
wise the skoolmaster." ="
Sez I, ''you egrejis ass" gittin up and
brushin the dust from my eyes, ''I'n sign
your papers with this bunch of bones, if
you don't be a little mere keerful how
you make my breadbasket depot in the
futur. How do you ike that air perfum-
ery?' sez I, sauving my fist under his
nose. ''Them's the kind of papers I'll
give you. Them's the papers yoawant !"
''But I workt hard for the ticket
toiled night and day. The patrit should
be rewarded ~
''Virtoo," said /, holdin the infatooated
man by the coat-collar, ''virtoo, sir, is its
own reward Look at me p
He did look at me, and quailed be4 my
case. 1.-The fact is, I continued, lookin'
round upon the hungry crowd, ''there is
scarcely a offs for every lie lamp carried
round durin' this campane I wish there
was. I wish there was furrin missions to
be filed on various lonely islands, where
eppydemics rage incessantly, and if I was
in Old Abe's place, I'd send every moth
er's son of you to them. What air you
here for?" I continued, warmin up con-
siderable, ''can't you give Abe minit's
peace? Don't you see he's worried most
to death? Go home, you miserable men,
go home and till the sile Go to pedlin tin
ware-g6 to chopin wood-go to bilin'
sope-stuf sassengers-black boots-get
clerkship on some respectable manure
cart-go round as original Swiss Bell Ring
ers-become origeneal and Campbell min
strels-go to lecturin at so dollars mite
-imbark in the peanut bizness-rrite for
the Ledger-saw off your legs and 90 round
givin concerts, with techin appeels to a
charitable public, printed on your hand
bills-anything for an honest livin', but
don't cum round here drivin Old Abe era
zy by your outrajus cuttin up Go home.
Stand not on the order of your goin, but
go to onct? If in five minits from this
time, " seq I, pullin out my new sixteen
dollar huntin cased watch, and bran
dishin' it before their eyes, ''Ef in five
minits from this time single sole of you
remains on these here premises, I'll 90 out
to my cage near by, and let my Boy Cen
structor loose & if he gifts among you,
you'll think old Solferino has cum agin and
no mistake' You ought to have seen
them scamper, Mr., Fair. They run orr as
tho Satan hisself was arter them with a
red hot ten pronged pitchfork. In FIVE
minits the premises was clear.
GLOW can l ever repay you, Mr.. Ward
for your kindness?" sed old Abe, advancin
and shakin me warmly by the hand, How
kin I ever repay you, sir -
'By givin the whole country good
sound administration By porein' lie upon
the troubled water, North & South By
pursooin a patriotic, firm, and just course,
and then if any State wants to secede, let
'em se-sech
''How bout my Cabnit Ministries, Mr.
Ward? p sed Abe.
Fill it with Showmen, sir! Showmen
is devoid of politics. They han't got a
darn principle! They know how to cater
to the public. They know what the pub
lie wants North & South. Showmen, sir
is honest men Ef you doubt their litter
ary ability, look at their posters, and see
small bills! Ef you want Cabinet as is a
Cabinet, fill it up with showmen, but don't
call upon me. The moral wax fgger per-
feshun mustn't be permitted to go down
while there's drop of blood in these vainsI
A. Linkin, I wish you well !! Eff Powers
or Walcutt was to pick out a model for a
beautiful man, scarcely think they d sculp
you; but eff you do the fair thing by your
country you'll make as putty an angel as
any Of US, Or any other man! A. Linkin,
use the talents which Nature has put into
you judiciously and firmly, and all will be
we'll A. Linkin, adoo -
He shook me cordyully By the hand
we exchanged picters, so we could gaze up
on each others liniments when far away
from one another-he at the heIlum Of the
ship of State, and I at the hellum Of the
show bizness-admittance only 10 cents.
ARTENUs WARD.
"A St. Petersburgh letter of Nov 1st.
states that the emancipation of the serfs
will be formally decreed on the 1st day of
January next. The Ministers are now en-