The Oxford intelligencer., 1861-03-20

IAk sPsrN o. Aooiitouisn-Slncuih4 sPnits-
To cure drunkspnsss-drink nothing but cold
water. fstt 4
Go to grass - ths southern merchant nd 70
New York.
/ isordsr 10 deserve ! tus fIisud you must Arsi
learn V oe one W 49, = &fss2
Trsnoxnoo-rhs Foot(9 ball Of 1851, the
5iact bail ef 1850.
Was il the egg or the chicken that made lis
appearances first on earthi aai llf
wnY is watch like coward Because Il a.
waysruns and never strikeA a. sa.s 1ss
wHAr does A. NJ. stand for placed after
school teachers namesi After money.
'MArcHLEss misery" has been defined to DO
having cigar and nothing to light it with.
Hs who takes the name Of God in vain. will
find that the devil win not take him in vain.
FRox what name, IL You take away the initial
letter win leave musical Instrument Morgan.
A man in Detroit advertises for partner in
the nursery business A now way, perhaps, Of
advertising for wife.
TINS passage through the Red sea Of the
children Of Israel was nothing to the passage Of
Abraham through Baltimore.
IT is strange how some women know more
about the private affairs Of men, than their hus-
hands, who mingle daily with them.
In Australia they make sandwiches by putting
piece of leather between two shinglcs Tho
price depends upon the supply Of old boots.
PREsrlcE says he heard Of but one old woman
who kissed her Gov, bat he knows Of many
thousand young ones who have kissed very great
calves.
The difference between block head and the
head Of block-you can put the head Of the
block in decent shape, but you never can the
blockhead.
Prentice says flowers and pretty girls are
sweetcr the more they are pressed. We guess
he Is decidedly in favor Of the freedom Of the
press Ditto
WY there arc more women than men, Ia ex-
planned by DeQuincy. ''iti in conformity with
the arrangement of nature; we always sec more
Of heaven than earth"
A young gentleman, when impcached by his
lady love for getting tight said he never drank
anything in his life, for ii always made him feel
so bad the next morning. II did, indeed
Tue Lynchburg Republican thinks It note
worthy fact that there is not Smith, Jones,
or Brown among the one hundred and fifty
two members of the Virginia Convention.
THE WoRsr FORK or HASGrSa. An exchange
gives the substance of q verdict Of recent cor.
oncr's jury on man who died in state Of inc
briation, death by hanging-round rum
shopl" ~
DoBBs on being questioned by the court as to
whether he had been extensively engaged in the
hotel business, answered he rather thought he
had, as he had once boarded frigatc and two
sloops Of war"
| LOVE- or THE BrBLE-A Tennessee paper an
nounces the marriage, in Marion county, of Mr..
Jos. W. Roulston and Miss Rcbecca Bible No
doubt Mr.. Roulston oftcn went to court and
swore by that Bible. II was SO pleasant to kiss
that book.
CREprrABLE TO PRINTERS. Missouri Leg
slaturc recently adopted resolution that the
public printing be done by the convicts. but the
resolution fell still born from the table, because
it was ascertained thatof all the criminals in the
Penitentiary not one was printer.
SHouLD skunk read Hamlet what line
would he choose for motto? We give the an
swcr-
| "Nethinks scent the morning air."
We get this from young man who expects
to go into the pcrfumery business next week.
No woman can be lady who can wound or
mortify another. No matter how beautiful, how
cultivated she may be, she is in reality COARSE
and the innate vulgarity Of her nature manifests
itself here. Uniformly kind, courteous and po-
lite treatment of all persons is one mark of a
true woman.
Boswell complained toJohnson that the noise
of the company the day before had made his
head ache
mo SIR" said the sarcastic Doctor, at was the
sense we put into it."
HAS sense that effect on the headf'
eyes sir, on heads not used to it."
A bcvy of children were telling their father
what they got at school. The Oldest got read
ing. spelling and definition.
"And what do you get little one" the father
asked of rosy-chceked urchin who, at the
time, was silly driving nail into the door-frame
'.Mcs Oh, gets readin', spellin' and spankin'"
WHILE Lincoln was on his way to Washing
ton, the train stopped at some town in Pennsyl.
vania. and a man stepped forward and offered a
couple of apples to the President elect A little
boy in the crowd yelled out: Say, Mr. Linkin,
that man is running for postmaster" The
donor of the apples collapsed amid screams Of
laughter.
CURE FOR RHEuxArrsx.-Bathe the parts az
fected in water, in which potatoes with their
skins on have been boiled, as hot as can be
borne. just before going to bed. BY the next
morning the pain wiz be much relieved, il not
removed Oneapplcation of this simple remedy
has cured the most obstinate rheumatic palms.
Eaglisa Paper
Bouxp TO CoxE-The Augusta (Ga.) Dispatch
says:
The negrncz esnnloved In rrad;nc fi,s Macs,