Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1861-12-30
THE IoRAn APPLRs.

Eaf A New Farce tn one short Act. +
As 6enag nol0 Performediwith HaboEaasd GR-
pLause IA the tp0i HeNIspheres. }. -
DRANATIs PERsoElE.
Mr.. John Bull-A pafy, qqarrelsome old
fellow.
6 Mrs. Columbia-A respectable school
teTvher, recently much afflicted with do
nestle grief
Master, Wilkes-one. of. her fayorite
scholars, very spunky little boy, and. 9th
ers. s5s.. .s..... 55..s.,,,. =.
is seated surrounded by her SCHOLARS.
lEnter-Mr. John Buli, (very abruptly
and in tremendous excit ment-
] .hn Bull-OddsI ZouudS and butter
cupsl Ms'am, but ,piH az sa.isfaction for
this ere hinsult. I've been pestered long
enough by yonr boys, and arnt q going
to stand It no longer. Blow me tight hif
Idou't-hif l don't
Mrs. C.-Be calm, Mr. Bull; pray be
seated; what is the matter, sir?
John Bull--The matter7 Zoundsl Why,
this morning as oneFof my young ,uns was
coming '0me, hup comes one o. your
saGry himpsAyiIks think you calls i'm.
Mrs C.-Master Wilkes, come here
master Wilkes adyances)
John BhlI-Hnp COMES thtsere Wilkes
shakes his fst in my younkers's face
take out of his pocket two crab happles as
the boy had picked up somewheres-and
sends i'm 'on, a believing like young
bulI-calf.
Master Wtlkes-R!ease ma'am, Ikuew he
stole them out of your garden, and was
hiding them to shy at our windows.
John Bull-I,lon't care Dose they are or
where they come from demand and WILL
AVE Ign
Mrs. C.-well, Mr.. Bull, but IL
John BuIl-O, none o your hifs to me,
Ma'am; don't come ere to harywe, comes
ere for repdrdtioH.# WILL Av THEM HAP
Piles, or by
Mrs. C.-Stop Mr.. Bull; really Sir. /
am shocked. at this indecent behavior, and
despise the brutality that can take such
advantage ofmy weakness. You know my
Jonathani is away fighting the sayages. OF
you would never dare to insult ne so If
Master Wilkes had struck your COY, lOr in
stance 5T5
John Bull-Ahtl that's Just where it is.
Hit my yonker ad been brought to you
along with the happles, and you ad warmed
his jacket well for i'm, or sent i'm hof with
a flea in his hear, l Wouldn'tav ave ad IA word
to say.
Mrs. C.-Well then, sir, how easily can
your grievance he settledI Here, take the
apples -(preseRling them (which am sure
are not worthy of becoming "apples of
discOrd" between us. Thy are two very
miserable specimens, and nm now ga'h-
erIng so many millions of them on my
Southern property, that l can well afford
you those two pOpr, rotten, blighted things.
Are you satisfied?
John Bull, (gru6ayl-No; ! arnt. L
want to make hexhmple o. that Vilks,
and make me ii hample7hapOlogy besides
Mrs. C.-well, Sir, never told Master
Wilkes to assault your boy. lalthOuS!, am
sorry to say that your family have behSved
very strangely TO me lately, even shelter
ing thieves that you knew were going to rob
me. / wish to live on good terms with all
my neighb0rs, and therefore regret this lit
tie occurrence, hut he assured, Sir. my
Jonathan luU some day cGH you to account
making an example of Master Wilkes
Will that do ? 20 --
John e, Bull, (gsfy ~ s4lEir2i9YE4 z suppose
Mrs C.INaw boys. listen. L have many
very distressing things to occupy Just
now, and ther+fOre-ts you 1--we me-dn
nothing Whatever to briug me in cOntact
with that rude and UysrbeNring man. He
is a dangerous and sIuctimhnious old byp-
ocrits, who would set my house on 6rs for
the value OF -ponl OfcottQn-ifit it served
his purpose. Master. Wilkes, am indeed
very proud of you, and only regret you did
not briug that wicked boy to me for Pnn-
ishment. But, l have promised hr. Bull
tn make an example of you. aud therefore
l promote you to the head of your Glass;
Now. my lear boys you may all haSe
holiday. @ tn ls1Ui5 l1+es.= 7aI
{ Ercunt omNesi wbi7tliug ',Yapkee DO0-
sVide Louloa Times.