The Van Buren press., 1861-07-24

The person who professed to have wit
messed the signature of Mrs. Gordon. was
a clerk in the office Of Peter Gordon
My first move was to..arrest him on charge
OF frand, and sue his employer for my eli
ent's share of the rents. which he had refu-
sed to pay over to her.
When had proceeded thus far, receiv-
ed visit Fl ON Peter Gordon.
:" What do you mean, sir % he asked,
rather sourly.
:" mean to get justice for the widow"
" Her husband was worth nothing when
he died.
/" But the wifs had one-third iptsrost s;s
his real estate.'
" It was sold to me. and she signed away
her right to dover.
"Did she ?"
Certainly she did"
Sc Did you see her sign 90
"To be sure lid SO did my clerk"
"There's warrant out for the arrest Of
your clerk. and have some hopes that he
will turn States evidence and convict his
principal"
He started back in astonishmcnt and ter
ror.
CT don't understand you - he stam-
mered out.
Ooh tIOuUle yourself ABOUT IL, r.
Gordon you will understand it all in good
time
For Gods sake don't arrest my clerk
He will be the ruin of me, groaned he.
"You shoulp have thought of that be-
fore," said.
:" You don't mean to say that everything
isn't all right about my brothers affairs ?
Because if isn't. will make it all right,
you know" he whined in supplicating
tones.
"You cav Won sow Mrs cor,or s;,r
that deed 90
Well. nc-not exactly, but supposed
she signed it
+" You don't know she didn't ?"
How should ! know 60
She can't write, she never wrote her
name in her life ''
"Gracious 20
l pressed the rascal closely. and made
him acknowledge that his clerk had signed
the name for % consideration / would
have caused both of them to be sent to the
State Prison, Mrs. If Gordon had not begged
me to spare them. AS it was it secured the
entire income Of the estate for my client,
and charged my bill to Peter, who was but
too glad to pay it.
EFFECTIVE RETALIATloN.-A Quaker had
a quarrelsome neighbor. whose cow being
suffered to go at large, often broke into the
| Quaker well ell-cultivated garden. One NOR
ming having driven the COW from his prem
ises to her owners house, he said to him !:
Friend T., have driven thy COW home
once more, and if find her in my garden
again"
" Suppose you do his neighbor exclai-
med, Z" what will you do %
"Why." said the Quaker. "I'll drive
her home to thee, again, friend T."
The cow never again troubled the Qua
ker.
DESERVES A PIEMIUM.-An incident too
good to be lost. lately occurred at school
not a thousand miles from Charleston One
of the little Misses, belonging to the Geog-
raphy Glass, was asked " what bounds the
Uuitel States ON the South Disdaining
the answer laid down in the book, the little
girl, true to her patriotic impulses, replied,
with infnits navietc, "The Confederate
States of Anaerica." We need not add that
the answer was satisfactory. That little
girl, we think, deserves a premium
Charleston Mercury.
SABLE INDIGNATIoN.-A gentleman who
lives up town, informs ms that few morn
ing ago, he happened to hear the following
eolloquy:
A veteran vegetable vcnder of the 4 fri
can race, who has traversed tho streets of
Charleston, with his wagon, daily, for sew
eral years, selling his garden supplies, and
whose monotonoqs cry of green peas, "water
Millions" ETC., ETC., is well-known, espe-
cially on the Neck, was hailed by an old
negress, who inquired if had any northern
cabbage. "Northern cabbagc?" replied.
the dealer. !" Northern cabbage? Say. gal.
who do you b'longs to Tlnk dis ere chile
is gwine to taminate his wagon with North
ern cabbage? And without waiting to al
low the woman time to make some other
tpurchases, he drove off furious,y in the
most indignant manner Charleston Acr-
curry.
LE When Nicholas Biddlc, Familiarity
called Mich Biddle, was connected With the
United States Bank, there was an old negro
named Harry who used to be lcafing around
the premises.
One day. in social mood, Biddle said to
the darkey:
"Well, what is your name, my old
| friend
Harry, sir; ole Harry" touching his
sleepy hat.
"Old Harry" said Biddle. why, that
is the name they give to the devil, is it
not ?''
Yes, SIR" said the colored gentleman.
sometimes ole Harry. and sometimes ole
Nick
Ev Jeannie," said venerable Came
roman to his daughter, who was asking his
consent to accompany her urgent and ia
vored suitor to the altar, "Jeannie, i. B, a
very solemn thiag to get married"
Il know it. father" replied the sensible
damsel, " but it's great deal solemner, no.
to-
~" If Ishould be drafted into service
what should you do ?" said gentleman to
his wife. lately.
"Get substitute for you." was the re-
plo. whereupon the worse half changed the
subject of conversation.
A
H" Facts are stubborn things.' said
. lawyer to female witness. Yes e;r !"
and so are yvoYuon - che .a~E.l 81