Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-12-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

MATERNAL ADVICE. daughter is almost
always right when she endeavors TO imi-
tate her mother but we do not think the
mother is equally right when, at certain
period of life, she tries oil she con to imi-
tate her daughter
Judge Jeffries, when on the bench, told
On old fellow with a long beard that he
supposed he had conscience as long as
his beard. "Does your lordship," replied
the old man, "measure conscience by the
beard2 If so, your lordship has none at
alp
The Four SEAsoNs--"Come here, and tell
me what the four seasons are 2" Young
prodigy answers, "Pepper, mustard, salt
and vinegar, and thems what man al
ways seasons with"
COMMERCIAL THEoLoGY-''If you don't
believe in miracles" said the divinity-stu-
dent to the spiritualist, show do you ac-
count for the escape of the prophet Daniel,
unhurt from the lions den ?" "Oh," in
terrupted X, 'they knew it was bad policy
for them to eat up their profits |"
PoITE.-An old lady talking at a party
about heads of hair, exclaimed: 'tIf there
is any thing l hate, it is red hairp Then
seeing q young man standing by who had
red hair, she made her former speech worse
by saying; "But not such pretty red hair
as yours, Mr.. W."
At printers festival recently, the fol-
lowing sentiment was offered: "Woman-
second only TO the press in the dssemina-
ton of newsW
"Dick, you have got hole in your trow-
sers.n "Wen, who cares, it will wear
longer than patch" eyes," says Sam,
"and wider too"
"Figures will not lie, is an old, and used
to be a well-credited saying. But the in
PRODUCTION of hoops, crinoline, hips, bustles
and cotton breastworks, has played the
dickens with the proverb.
THE BEST KIND OF AGRICULTURAL FAIRS
Farmers daughters.
a girl at party in town, the other
evening, was asked what made her face
look so unusually red. She replied the
chaps.
You can easily keep yourself through
out the winter from freezing, by getting
continually into hot water with your neigh
bors.
The gentleman so often spoken of in
novels who riveted people with his gaze
has now obtained employment at boiler
mandatory.
The editor of paper in Indiana wants
to know if Western whisky was ever seen
"comin thro' the rye"
A subscriber to moral reform paper
called at the postotfice the other day and
inquired if the Friend Of Virtue had come ?
"No' said the postmaster, "there has been
no such person here for long time"
A Kentucky judge, in passing sentence
of death upon a criminal recently, delivered
himself in the following style:
"Prisoner, stand up Mr.. Kettles, this
Court is under the necessity of passing
sentence of the law upon you, sir. This
Court has no doubt, Mr.. Kettles, but what
you were brought into this scrape by the
use of intoxicating liquor. The friends of
this Court all knors that if thar is any vice
that this Court abhors, it is intemperance.
When this Court was a young man, Mr..
Kettles, it was considerable inclined to
drink; and the friends of this Court knoaVs
that this Court has materially very high
temper, and if this Court had not stopped
short of, and stopped the use of Intoxicating
liquor, have no doubt sir, but what this
Court would have been in the Penitentiary
or in ats Craze, sir"