The weekly Butte record., 1861-10-05
Wtseklp 3utteRetoro
A Dark Aifair-Barbarous Doiugs,

At Grand Rapids, Michigan, lives "pus-
son" of the African persuasion, named John
Thomas, who earns pecuniary emolument by
lathering and scraping the faces of the white
population, and has generally been looked upon
in dark circles as very nice man indeed, and
eminently calculated to keep barber-shop.-
John Thomas is fortunate in the possession of
a wife and several peculiar institutions in the
shape Of onsprings, and might have lived very
respectfully and pleasantly in the community
TO which he lends the shadow of his sable
presence, but for certain weakness directly
under the second pewter stud in his conspicu-
Gus shirt bosom. To speak the truth, John
Thomas is unfortunately sensible, like Mr..
Gubby, that there are chords in the human
heart )" and we blush to say that he suffered
one of these chords to be violently played upon
by Miss Rosa, the yellow daughter of
venerable pusson" in the whitewashing
business. lie recently made up his mind that
the world was al a bowling waste without
woman to your taste, and accordingly deter
mined to elope with Rosa to some distant spot
where all but love could be forgot. But be
would do it in a manly way f; there should be
no sneaking away in the dead of night, when
the moon and stars were twinkIing bright !;
but he would give his wife warning of his
intentions, and advised her to be resigned. He
4of- -, ,I,o
little black things had entwined themselves
about his heart as so many young Holsters
might twist themselves about dead sheep,
that he could not think of leaving them behind.
Mrs. Thomas received his remarks with COM
mendable frmness, in fact her complexion
would not allow her to turn pale, and she was
too fat TO tremble but on the day last week
when John Thomas expected to fly away with
the whtewasher's daughter, Mrs. Thomas very
majesfically gathered the small black Thomages
under her wing and sought refuge in the oppo-
sition barber-shop Of j. Highwarden, another
artist in soapsuds and ha'r ile," who was
much noted for his practical philanthropy.
This proceeding greatly disgusted Mr. John
Thomas wko at once formed himself in line-of-
battle order and charged upon the rival barber
shop, calling upon Mrs. Thomas TO surrender
the infantry Immediately. After accomplish
ing very elaborate wink with her left eye,
the maternal Thomas plumply refused to do
anything of the kind Brigader- General
Thomas then retired to bring up his artillery,
and presently re-appeared with boube bar
relied gun with which he proposed to turn the
enemy's flank. AT this crisis Mrs Thomas
was reinforced by Major General Highwarden
the infantry being kept in the rear-and the
engagement became general. Hair oil and
pomatum were enjoying a large circulation,
when q treacherous policeman suddenly ad-
vanced upon the heroic Thomas at double
quick time, and captured bis artillery.
This brought the engagement to close.
John Thomas promised not to do so no
MORE" and retreated in good order from the
field; but scarcely had the police department
subsided from view when be suddenly re-enter
cd the Highwarden camp of infantry again
In fact he attempted to recapture his black
Juveniles by force, and menaced the Highwar-
den detachment with very big dirk-knife.
Resolving to end the struggle at once, High
warden pared the dirk with heavy cane. and
then brought the latter weapon down on the
kinky head of John Thomas with force that
caused the victim to behold an instantaneous
comet of dazzling proportions But before he
could repeat the dose, be found tie dirk at his
ribs and the arm of John Thomas about his
waist. The philauthTopic Highwarden would
have gone a bowling shade to the Plutonian
shore" in another moment, had not Mrs
Thomas seized the cane and brought it down
on the Sims of her lord and master with
hideous whach That decided the day. John
Thomas fed from the scene with yell unearth-
ly, and when last seen was proceeding in the
direction Of public institution, in the society
of two gentlemen connected with the Constable
family Philadelphia Transcript.