Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-11-26

GQUIBBB OBflIe5 u KNOW III BOlu III
ten cents pound by the drum, how should they
be sold by the trumpet" and "if $25 per tun
is the price of lead in sheets, what it would be
worth by the quireH"
MEN Of talent are often the captives of beau
tiful fools. But there is one consolation-they
do not long remain eaptives, or they soon cease
to be men of talent.
A GENTLEMAN having presented his church
with the "Ten Commandments" it was wittily
said that he gave them away because he could
not keep them.
nDoEs my son William that's in the army
get plenty to est?" asked lady of recruiting
sergeant, the other day. "He sees plenty" was
the lacoDic reply "Bless his heart, then, I
know he will have it if he can see it, he always
would at home."
"Is any body waiting on you?" said polite
dry goods clerk to pretty girl from the coun-
try. eyes, ell" said the blushing girl; "tha.s
my feller outside. He wouldn't come in"
THE Knicker6ocker tells of the last dodge for
"raising the wind" Some fellow in Boston
advertises that he will send ga finely. executed
portrait of George Washington, and another Of
Benjamin Franklin, to any address, for one
dollar" The purchaser receives in due time
three cent and a one cent postage stamp, orna-
mented with "hnely engraved" heads.
PATRICK McQU1LT is q janitor of the Union
School in Jonesville, Ohio, and is very faithful
in making the fires and keeping thingsin order.
Patrick wanted more wages, and the Board had
the case before them. The President was given
to "hy faIutin," and thus addressed the Irish
and hungry applicant: "Well, Patrick, we all
very wei Show how necessary you are to the
existence and prosperity of the sohooE-that the
management Of the whole concern is on your
shoulders; but you shall have your reward;
when you 60 down to the grave it will be with
halo of Glory" "Halol" yelled Patrick;
''it's not halo nor glory want, it's pertatieS."
Patiick's wages were raised.
SENSATION AFTER AMPUrATIoN.-A German
of the Michigan regiment, in the hospital at
Washington, had his arm amputated. His de-
scription of the sensation he feels from his I'm
gers which lately belonged to his left arm,
| causes frequent bursts of merriment from the
! other patients in the ward. He says: az veels
der tings NIT mine vingers ven I knows Use
| got no vingers dare, und it makes me mat ven
| veels der tings all der time NIT mine vim
gers.
IF you wish to get rich, get married. When
was honey ever made with one bee in the hiveP
A WESTERN paper speaks Of a man who "died
without the aid of physician" Such instan-
ces of death are very rare.
THE famous VIM. Penn had scapegrace re-
lation, whom his punning cotemp mporaries de-
scribed as a pen that had been "often cut, never
mended."
A THOUGHT FOR TEARs.-Innocence is like
an umbrella-when once we have lost it, we
must never hope to see it back again.-EGHch.
voLrA1RE related to Mr.. Sherlock an anecdote
of Swift. Lady Carteret, wife of the Lord
Lieutenant, said to Swift: "The air of Ireland
is very excellent and healthy" "For good
ness sake, madam" said Swift, "don't say 81
in ENGLAND; for if you do they will certainl!
tax it."
TIE savages of the Feejee Islands have
doctrine somewhat analogous to that OF thu
! Mormons. At the gate Of their heaven they
place female Cerberus1 the "Great woman,
who nnercilessly prevents any unmarried per.
con from entering.-A JOGrnsytO Great Sal
Lake City.
IN back township a magistrate, who KEEP
a tavern, sold liquor 10 the people till they go
drunk and fought in his house. He then is
them on the spet, and, besides hning them
made them treat each other to make up thu
: quarrel .. H.., ......... .
WE have g. boy at home about three year
old, who, by the way, is a regular "ShaVer" IL
his talk. One day we were trying to teach hin
his alpbsbet, and asked him what OBJ stoot
for. "GeOrge," was his prompt answer
"No;" we replied; 'it stands for boy" "Wen
! amt George bOyf" he asked triumphantly.
son Of the Emerald Isle, once riding t
market with a sack Of potatoes before him, dis
. covered that the horse, was getting tired
WhsIsupon he dismounted, put the potatoes o
his shoulders, and again mounted, saying, "
was better that he should carry the prAties,
he was frssher than the poor basts." ~. .
"MR. D., if you will get my coat done /
next Saturday, shall be forever indebted
you" att won't be done," said the tAilO
i "upOn such terms" !"
CAUTION TO MUsICIANs.-SOme players {
, wind instruments devote 80 much time 70 music
to the entire neglect Of their minds, that tns
may be literally said to have blown their brain
out. ..v III f.r f... a".H
:. TURN AND RErBRN.-"Jones Is the fellow f
\ turning penny" said somebody to Nibble
q q aVery likely, /" re torted Nibbles, "but hang n
: II ever knew him to return one when bol
a rowed." ,sa I..
4 FooD AND FAME.-B&ntra prssenteda o po
!. to NJ. de Hemetery, saying, "5ir, present
4 you an individual who will give you iumUrta
O | ity; but you must, meanwhile, give him som