The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1861-08-02
HUMOROUS.
Yocup Schmidt's Little Digs.
By WILL RAYMOND.


fast table one morning last week. leis-
urely slipping my coffee, and at the same
time looking over the morning papers in
search Of the not-always.to .to-be found grain
of wheat in bushel of chaff, wondering
as ! read whether might not immortal
'ze myself and obtain a place in "Abra.
hams bosom" BY the invention Of pat
ent truss for the rupture Of the Union, I
was thus engaged, when was startled
from my propriety by an alarming ring
at the door bell. My trepidation increas-
ed as heard my name called by voice
like a norwester. then Betty's soft pit al
pat along the passage, followed by a very
masculine tramp. All doubts were soon
dispelled however, by the abrupt entrance
Of broad faced. squat-built, square,
sterned Dutchman, who opened conversa-
ton at once by the observation, "Ah
hah!'
Iventured to ask, "what can do for
you, sir?''
"Ah hah!" said he again with mys-
te,ious air, II got some news for der pa,
per-"
''Sit down sir. said impatiently, feel
Ing for my notebook and pencil; PRO"
ceed, say your say; 60 on"
Ny visitor deliberately tucked a coat
tail under each arm, ,leisurely backed him.
self into chair, put mis- thumb into his
pipe as an extinguisher. and thus began:
"You know I keeps lager bier house.
roaut der corner NIT der canawl, unit der
tam rowdies plague me plenty dimes, unit
coomes in der night dimes, und baint all
ofer mein house "United Shtates Hotel.
py Yocup Schmidt. entertainment for
man unit peast," unit dey coomes in unt
prakes dings, unit bizen mein dog, unit
cut off mein tails cat close, SO close as
never was, unit dat tam Mike Growl.y
he hollers after me in der sthreet. wake
up Sbakup! Old Shake goes down der
Cellar unit sthings himself NIT pumble
pee,' and odd Deutche Shake goes ofer
der riffer unit pites himself NIT shn ke.'
"Pshaw," said l impatiently-
"What for you say 'pshaw'?''
Nothing" said I, ego on, go on''
II say noding for long dimes, for
fraid der rowties purn me up; but ono
day soon as I peen down sthreet, ,unt wen
I goes down home I meet Mike Crowley
COON out mein house. what der tyfui
you do here?' delis him. Il get your
wife to go to singing schoolmit der gals,
he say. I catch him. unit kick him in
der behint side of his pody, unit dell,
You COON here some more dimes, unit
see what will do NIT YOU Never
mind he say I cooms back here tonight
nit der poys. unit you unit yer tam frau
tam, what you do NIT Mike Crowley? I
deach you for sing some dings,' unt
get some bistols unit sthick, unit goes
to watch, put gets shleepy in der night,
unit makes ped down dere, unit sbleeps
unit tream see Mike Crowley put mein
wife arount his arm, unit kiss her INT
everydings, unit get SO mad wake up
unit hear great noise unit shquealing unit.
unit
!, Yes said breathlessly, s'you heard
screaming. and you-
"Yaw, | hear shquealing, unit gets up
unit listen, unit den I dinks I hear Mike
Crowley say, Kill he, tam her kill her
poys, unit den more shquealing, unit
"Yes," said I, hitching up my chair
and opening my eyes peg wider, "you
rushed out, and
"Nein! nein! I gets up unit puts on
mein pritches, unit dinks l got no match
es. l goes up stairs stumbling ofer der
dark NIT every dinks. unit calls 'Bolly,
i Bolly!' unit hear noding dere; but blenty
noise nown shtairs all der while, unit
; find der matches, ant tight der lamp. unit
mein Gott! no Bolly in der ped, nor uns
der der ped, nor on top der ped, nor.
anywheres. I goes down un: hear no
noises now, unit den peeps out unit sees
nopody. unit den I get mein shtick u nt
e open der door unit mein Gott in himmsl!
blood efrywhere all down der garten all
deI way l goes eriong, unit
"Fresh split blood?" said I. nervously,
"wet blood?"
"Yaw, he was wet; unit l goes down
< unit sees him sll der way to der big ben,
unit looks ofer, unit mein Gott-"
"four saw ycur M"
"Yaw, l saw mein sow unit two big
is gone, unit want you shall but him il
der paper ires dollars rewart; shtoler
S mein sow unit two little bigs, plaek un
= white unit white mt plack, unit short ear:
e unit dails unit no marks pout him.
"Confound you and yonr pigs" sale
l indignantly, Il was in hopes-I me ar
l thought your wife was murdered Oh
had eloped--run away with Mike Grow
10 ley
N "Nein! nein! nein frau get scared N
!, ped nit herself, unit go sleep nit her SIS
. ter, unit lutfs me 50 we'll as anyPohy,.
re "Wcll, what did you tell me that rig
g marole about Mike Crowley for?'
r. "Wen, l pIiefs Mike Crowley shtol'
De Yes ves," said +; "good morning