The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1861-11-02
.ta9'sse From the Cleveland Plaindealer.
OUR FAT CONTRIBUTION IN THE
sf.zr.t} 81 HOME, GUARDS. -i a

The moment the flag was threatened,
large bodies of men were called upon to raj
ly to It's defence. Being large bodied
man, rallied, and enrolled myself with the
Home Guards. The drill is very severe on
me this hot weather, although I am con-
stantfy allowed an attendant with fan and
pitcher of ice water. i4ea a- $50
am constantly reminded that one CT the
frat requirements of soldier Is to throw
out his chest and draw in his stomach.
Having been burnt out several times while
occupying rooms in an attic, have had
considerable practice ii RtroWing Oat nag
chest, but by what system of practice qoCld
ever hope to draw IL my stomach L
can't "dress up''-it's no use tryiag. If
my vest buttons are in line am far in
the rear, and if toe the mark fearful
bulge indicates my position. There is no
room for argument in regard to my senti-
ments-every body can see at a glance Just
ackere stand. One evening We had a
new drill-sergeant who y7a5s near "a gifted.
Running his eye down the line, he exc!aim-
ed sharply: ss
''What is that man doing in the ranks
with a bass drum 90
He pointed at RE, but hadn't any drum
lit was the surplus stomachthat couldn't
draw in. t se 81 81. s..aE
1 am the butt of numberless jokes, as
you may we'll suppose. They have got
story in the Guards that when I first heard
the command "Order arms 20 l dropped
my musket, and taking out my notebook
began to draw an order on the Governor for
what arms p, wanted. They say ordered
Winans steam gun, with pair OF Dahl
green howitzers for side arms q! Base fab
ricators My ambition never extended be-
yond rifled cannon. and they knew it.
Although in respect to size belong to
the "heaviest," my preference is for the
light infantry. One evening the spectators
seemed convulsed about something, and my
comrades Uttered by platoons whenever my
back was turned. It was all a mystery to
| me until l laid off my knapsack. Some
wretch had erased the two final letters, and
had been parading all the evening labelled
"LIGHr INFANT % The above is one of
the thousand annoyanGes 10 which l am
subjected, and nothing but my consuming
patriotism could ever induce me to submit
| TO it. 1 rallied at the call of my country,
and am not 10 be put out by the raltyiny of
my comrades"
1 overheard a spectator inquire of the
drill sergeant one day: -
'.Do you drill the whole of him at ouce?''
"No," he returned, in an awful whisper,
/ 81 drill him by squads 20
l could have drilled him if had had a
bayonet
Specifications have been published in re-
gard to my uniform, and contractors adver-
tised for The making will be let out to
the lowest responsible bidder. In case the
Guards are ordered to take the field, spe-
cial comissary will be detailed to supply my
rations. That reminds me OF narrowing
incident. On last drill night, an old farm
er who dropped in to see US drill, took me
aside, and said he wanted to cell me yoke
OF powerful oxen.
al my ancient agriculturist, said I, smil-
ing a: his simplicity, Il have no use for
oxen" r
"Perhaps not at present." quoth he, ''but
if you 90 to war you will want them. $50
,.4 '.For what 90 said I, considerably annoy
ed. r. .~s.' ..ssle. 10.
.r.." Want 'ens to drda0 your ratioas !' Be-.
The Guards paid me a delicate compli-
ment at the last meeting. They elected me
"Child Of the Regiment" with Che rank OF
Compliant l was about to return thanks in
a neat and appropriate speech, when re
porter who was present assured me it was
no use--he had got the whole thing in type,
speech and all, and 1 could read it in the
evening paper. He said they kept a "nea!
and appropriate speech standing IN type
/ continually. got his views, and held my
peace Yours for the Union, including,
Il 6 the Stars, also the Stripes, cd ha.e,a
,r.-sr - FAT CoNTRIBUToR.
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