The Constitutional. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1860-1861, 1861-01-12
MODERN BENEVOLENCE.
4 Satire delirercd Jefore the associated Aiumni
Of Union College, July 25th, 1850.
By EGBEET PHELPS.

III Inc fOlIoWlnS SlyIt. e make no apOl
ogy for the length Of the quotation
Lo! here comes tripping, with modish air,
A score oFdamsels from the Fancy Fair,
Trcked out in carniturc of tricks and wiles,
Gay, smiling witchrs, with bewitching smiles.
All hail the Fair where maids with gorgrou
shows,
Assault the hearts and pockets Of the beaux,
While, ike the famous Robin Hood of yore,
They strip the rich 70 clothe the suffering poor
For, while they leave the scamstrcss in the lurch
And take to trading for some needy church.
Bellies ringing changes on the spirit's dues,
10 buy bell or tap the parsons SHOES
Trade and salvation are together spliccd,
TO make hUckstcr of the Church of Christ.
II " time is money" as the bards declare,
\ heap of money 5 spent upon the Fair,
For many d week each ardent maid employs
In making sancracks, pinaforcs, and toys,
BY day in preparation takes delight,
And trades h,I Liyi<shaws and her smiles by night
While We ri DC to make our virtue known,
And Kill two binds with one convenient stone,
since here We may, BY one expenditure,
Buy what We need, and help the starving poor ;
10 aid the needy We are seen of men,
Md get or moneys value back again.
such Is the theory, from which, It's true,
Tho Playtiyr differs, as all others do;
For, while lis RAJ, b neyolence indeed
70 buy the trnkcts We do not need,
lis greater still 10 pay, without sigh,
Ten times the value of each toy we buy;
And hence the censor Muse must needs declare
Thusr Fancy FANS, to say the least, unfair.
Here let me pause moment to rchcar5c,
In Sportvr numbers Of satigic verse,
Tho woudrous changes wLich these Fancy Fair.
Produce in youth. and maldens unawares,
Changing tj.ll hatred hy is magic power,
70 the coniidh- friendship Of an hour.
And, by some n.cTomaric means o. other,
Changing small change from one purse to another
Changing the state of coins and pockets too,
From high denominations down to low,
While love acquires, with devious length of tale
A sc,ly Siding down It sliding scale.
Some charming youth, attending such mart,
Nets n the door the idol Of his heart,
Who, though ne fam would tender hcart and limb
Is very tar from tender toward him;
But now, all smiles and contrscrmding grace,
She beams upon him with hey fairy face,
And, Seeding somewhat at the stupid folks,
Who must De- always cacLing musty jokes,
Which, Iil,r tI.i purses, ARE extremely dry,
sccnlrss and empty. for they never buy,
She takes his arm and leads him through the din
To her own stall, and silly takes him in"
Stalled like an OK, in HnsusfFriiug rlre
lie pays ten dollars for what costs but three,
To make no mention of custom strang"
The girls acquire Of ncvcr making change
Ere Of his purchase he has tirha TO boast,
\ smiling dan-rI, Iailirg from the d" Post"
Displays a m-sivr to his curious eyes;
lie pays one dollar and secures tn" prize,
Which, quickly opened, TO hi, great amaze
\ strange con-lom,ration meets his gaze:
Line upon linz, prcccpt upon prcccpt,'
While here and there a ii.tic" srnse has crcpt,
Tho,,eh traced in characters extremely small
| ne l'fttI mas no CNai ic'''l dl 0ll
Lot in what fsht its lubrica'ious slime!
Here's loyc-lorn nonsense. twenty cents per line;
Enough h. sy'ars, by all the powers above,
To make q lovr-sick scho,l-boy sick of love.
.Zomds.' cries our hero, 10th such stuff to read,
This fairy Posts stupid post INDEED
In thi, essay my fortune is DO better,
Tho maid has sold me cheaper than the letter;
Such literature a. meet, ny eager sight,
BY srLool-hoy sarrs nc'er was styled polite
Nor yet, within 'Ar range Of earthly Knowledge,
Wcro such bellies letters read in college"
Now lost in thought, dowr-cast and sorrow-ladcn,
Again hes waylaid by bright-oycd maiden,
Armed with a BAG, IN whose rccrssos sleep
OF toys aud trinkc;s promiscuous heap;
\ lottery, not forhid. ~ by the law,
Term .-f, icnt,t's-ff.y cent, a draw
Thouah from hi former losses still quite sore,
Our fri MI essays to try his hand once more,
Throws down hi, ';in," with gesture some what
warm.
And g'tl it back, Int in different form
Plugging hjt hand III, w,aJ ron, bag within,
10 h" draws forth trumpet made Of tin.
To Try again he cannot well rrtusr--
Iii, touch, Ike mine. provola.s some feeble News
For from tn" pouch ascend, paintivc strain,
4 Smo;hcrcd ca'"rwaul Of rag and pain:
Resolved at once thu mystery to unfold
lie brings TO liglt-a kitten. three days old
The game is ont :" cxctams the bashfut wag,
The Urls have let the eat ont of the bag"