Weekly Trinity journal., 1861-08-31
unnbCT. :SS.
The War Fever in Baidinsviiic.
ny ARTEMUS WARD.

try was glad to see me. The schoolmaster sed it
was cheern to nee that gigantic intelleck among
'em onct more. That's what he called me. |
like the schoolmaster, and alters send him tohack-
er when I'm of on q travellin campaue. Besides,
he is very sensible man, Such men must be
encouraged.
They don't git news very fast in Ballnv0)e
as nothin but plank road runs in there twice
week, and that's very much out Of repair. SO
my nabers wasn't much posted up in regard to
the wars Squire Baxter sed he'd voted the
dimicrat ticket for goin on forty year, aud the
war was n dam black republican lie Jo Stack
pole, who kills hogs for the squire, and has got
a powerful muscle into his arms, sed he'd bnt 50
he could lick the Crisis in fair stand up fight,
| if he wouldn't draw u knife ON him So it won't
sum for war and sum was for peace. The
schoolmastcr, however, sed the Slave OHgatky
must cover at the feet of the North ere year
had flowed by, or pass over his dead corpse
50 Esto perpetual" he added, " And sine qua non
also p sed |, sernly, wishing to make an impress
sion into the villagers. Rcquiescat in poct!'
scd the schoolmaster. "1oo troo, too uoo,' |
ansered, "its scanderlus fact J"
The newspapers got along at last, ehock full
il war, and the patriotic fever fairly burst ont in
! Badnsvlle Squire Baxter sed he didn't
b'leve in Coercion, not one ~ en- and could
prove by file of Eagles Of Liberty IN his eartt
! that it was all a Whig lie, got up to raise the
price of whskey, aud destroy our other liberties
But the old Squire got putty riley when he heard
| how the rebels were CUltln up, anu Std U' l'Nh-
oned he should scour up his old muskit and do II
little square ftin for the Old Flag, which had al
lcrs bin on the ticket he'd voted, and he was too
old to Bolt now The Squire Is all right at
heart, but it takes longer for him to I'LL his ven
I erahle Biler with steam than it used to when hn
was Young and frisky. As prevsly Informed
YOU, am Captin of the Baldnsville Campany !
rlz gradooally but majestically from drummer
Secretary to my present position. But | louhd
the ranks wasn't full by no means, and commenc-
ed for to recroot. llayn notist a gineral desire
! on the part of the young men who are INTO the
Crisis to wear eppts, determined to have my
company composed exclusively of ofssers ever
ybody to rank as n brigadeer Gineral the toll
lern was among the varis questions which pnt
to recroots
Do you know q masked battery from huhk OIL
gingerbread?
Do you know an eppilit from piece of chak'
If | trust you with Il real gun how many men
of your own company do you speck you can
manage to kill durin the war?
Have you ever had the measels, and If so, how
many?
How air you now
Show me your tongue, &c, &c. Sum Of the
questions saTcusstcal,
The company filed up rapid, and last Sunday
we went to the meetin house in full uniform.
had a seris time gttin into my military harness.
as il was built for me many years ago but ln-
ally got inside of it,, tho it fitted me putty clost,
lIowscver, onct into it, lookt iine--ln Fact, aw-
nspirin. DO you know me, Mrs. Ward ~ sed
|, walkin into the kitchen.
"Know you, you old fool? OF course do"
| saw at once that she did.
| started for the meetin house, and I'm lraid |
tried to walk too strate for | cum very near lal-
lin over backard3 and in attemptin to recover
myself. my sword got mixed up with my legs,
and fell in among a choice collection of young
ladies', who was standin near the church door a,
seen the soer boys come up. My cockt hat lell
off and somehow coat tails gOt twisted rOuOU
my neck. The young ladies put their hanhchers
to their mouths and remarked "Te be-" while
my ancient female single friend, Sary Peasley'
burst out into a loud larf She exercised her
mouth so vilentIy that her new false teeth leli
out onto the ground.
Miss Peasley" sed |, gettin up and dustin
myself "you must be more careful with them
store teeth of your'n, or you'll have to gum it
agiu!o-
Meethinks had her,
Id bin to work hard all the week, and | felt
rather snoopy. I'm 'lraid did git half asleep,
for on hearin the minister ask, " Why was lnan
made to mourn ?" sed, 81 give it up" hagin n
vague idee that it was a conundrum 1t was IL
onlortinit remark, for the whole mcetia house
lookt at me with mingled surprise and digna-
ton was about rsin to a pint Of order, when
it suddenly occurred to mo WHARF, | was, and |
kept my seat, bushin like the red, red roseso
to speak.
The next mornin rose with the lark a. =.
My little dawter Yas execootin ballids, accom-.
panyin herself with the hand organ, and She
wisht me to linger and hear her sing IIark /
hear a angel sngn, angel now is oato the
p wing"
Let him fly my child' sed I,A-Juoalin on
/, my armer, must forth to my Biz.
I We air progressin pretty we'll With our drill
As all air commandn oflisser~, there ain no JET
usy and as we all eXceedin smart Il amt
worth while to try to outstrip each other lhe
g idee of company composed exclusively ol
Commanders in Chiefs orrggernated, spo>e |
skurcely need say ia these brane. Considered
as dee, flattcr myself its putty hefty. We've
got all the tacktcks at our tongues ends hut
what we partcly excel in is rcstin muskts. We
- can rest muskts with anybody.
. Our corpse win do its dooty. We 90 to the
: aid of Columby-we fight for the stars
y Wen be cbopt into sassige meat before We'll
exhibit our coat tales to the foe.
Wen fight till there's nothin left of Us hut our
little toes, aud even they shall dlfantIy wgge !!
" Ever of thee ~ WARD
SHORT LvEp.-It is proposed to start secession
,or.ro in diHrront unrts of the State Three