Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1861-06-19
MATRIMONIAL 1NFEL1c1rIEs.

sSu oPpoSitt Uc tue DTcdhIdSt ldUl0, anu
VINO had the good fortune to be my wife, ssIf
there be one thing l dislike more than anoth-
er, 1t is to receive cup of coffee that looks as
If it had been slipped from before it reached
my hands. Have / not often asked you to i'll
| my cup within an eighth of an inch of the rim,
and not give it to nae half or three-quarters
full ?''
s'You are as particular an old bachelor
the estimable lady replied, ssand if had
known 1t before married you this day would
not have seen me your wife. There, sir, Is
your cup of coffee. l hope it will suit. you.''
"Good graciousl''I exclaimed, as [ took
the cup. now ssyOu have managed to run it
over. 7 ou must certainly be aware that if
there be one thing dislike more than another,
| it is to find slops in my saucer.''
| s|W ell. IT you will insist upon my filling the
| cup, you must expect that sometimes shall
| spill it over besides, your finding fault with
me does no good, but makes me nervous, and
causes my hand to tremble, that l only
wonder that there is any coffee LETT in the cup.
But here is clean saucer, in place of the one
| you have"
Having affected this important change. /
| tasted the contents OF my cup. 1t was evident
| to me that there no sugar in it. tasted
again to make certain of the fact. Then /
| said to her.
| ssYou have neglected to put sugar in my
coffee. If there be one thing l dislike more
| than another, it is coffee unsweetened."
| 81 am certain, replied my estimable spouse,
ssthat did sweeten it. l don't think you
| have stirred it.''
| "But know have.'' answered.
s'N with your spoon,' said the provoking
| woman, 'sfor it is perfectly dry perhaps,
| however, you used your fork"
ssPshaw !'' was all the answer vouchsafed
| to this remark.
| SHOW, declare,'' said after having STIR
red and slipped my coffee, ssyou have made it
fnn fhnra ha I HiS1iL
more than another, it is to have my coffee taste
| like syrup
sLet me put more milk with it then!'' said
| the obliging woman.
ssNo, l thank you,'' / replied, ssl don't
| care to have my stomach turned into dairy.
| If there be thing dislike more than a
| mother, it is milk. gave up milk diet when
1 cut my first teeth.''
ssIt is to be hoped that you will give up the
habit of fault-fnding, which you possess in an
| eminent degree, when you come to cut your
| wisdom teeth, though no one can tell when
that will be.''
ssThank you,'' replied, ssyou will probably
be the first who will know it when that occurs"
"And happy day it will be for me,'' she
answered with provoking calmness. "Few
know, though, how much unhappiness your
constant aut-fnding causes me. Nothing
do seems to give you any satisfaction. There
| isn't moment elapses, while you are in the
thus occupied. The truth is, 1 have always
| been too indulgent with you, and humor you
when onght not. l didn't commence right
in the first place. ! should have paid no at
tention to your whims, but studied my own
convenience and comfort, instead of seeking
to make everything smooth and pleasant for
you. Then would have got along much bet
ter. Oh, you men are great tyrants, and if a
| woman yields to You in the least, you follow
up your advantage, and bend her will to yours,
and crush her spirit to the earth, till by and by,
you break her heart.''
ssMy dear, will thank you for another cup
of cofee,'' | said, passing my cup to her /;
| s'but be careful not to run it over, nor get it
too sweet. nor put in TOO much milk. What
an intoierabie steak this is, added ssit is
tough enough to have been cut from one of the
cattle pastured upon thousand hills more
| than thousand years ago. If there be one
thing dislike more than another, it is tough
beefsteak."
ssYou ordered it yourself, from the market
so You needn't find fault with me on account
of it. l knew it was tough the moment l
looked at it."
''Then why didn't you send it back ?'' en-
quired.
"Because, as it was your selection, sup
posed you wanted tough one besides, if |
had returned it, you would have found fault
with me tor doing so''
swell, can't eat it, that's certain, - said
so it had better be taken off the table. / shant
throw any more money away on beefsteak.'
ssOh, it will answer for hash," said my eco-
nomical wife, ssand you can have it for dinner.''
ssHash 80 exclaimed. ssIf there be one
thing dislike more than another, it is hash.
Hash is only fit for children and old people
without teeth. Besides, it is popular dish at
boarding schools and boarding houses and
when l was boy, and afterward, while bache- |
lor, ate my share of it, and Pm not going to
eat any more. No, Well have turkey for
dinner''
'sVery well," said my spouse, ssa turkey let
it be. Shall Isee to getting one ?''
81 think not,'' [ answered. ssThe fact is |
that all the turkeys you select, turn out to be
like the celebrated one of which Job was the
reputed owner-poor and tough. No, I'll buy |
the turkey and you cook it.'
every WE'LL" said the imperturbable lady. |
''But how will you have it cooked ?''
'sOh, any way suit yourself l answered. |
''Then think win roast it," she replied.
ssRoast it 20 l exclaimed. ssThat is just |
like You. Now, you know that if there be one
thing dislike more than another, it is to have |
turkey roasted.''
every we'll, then,'' said the accommodating
woman, 81 will boil it.''
.sBoil it!' I said agast. "Boil soup, boil /
lamb chops, boil cherries, If you like, but nev-
er, for me, boil turkey"
"Pray, then, how will you have it cooked /
Only tell me, and it shall be doue.''
"Why-why-well-fric it, of course"
l answered triumphantly.
every wei,'' said the lady, looking, how
ever, as if it were not very we'll.
s'Why can't you say something else besides
svery we'll r." ssWhat provoking woman
you are, to be sure.''
s'Not half so provoking as you are" she re-
piled
..Now, then, you wish to make me angry,