Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1861-03-30

in the afair-that is, if you really don't
care what sort of an opinion Mr.. Tom
Loveland has of Madge Arnold.'
'Whv should I? He's a bralnIess
popinjay-who, I believe, is the happl-
est man on the face of this earth, or, at
least, ought to be-"
"Why so, Madge."
'Because he is deeply i'll love with
himself, and hasn't rival in the whole
world. But what IS your plan OF oper-
alton 90
"Your admirer probably likes hand
some women?"
'sHe would not be a man else"
'And he has probably an insur-
mountable objection to homely ones,
especially the red headed"
''That is so, beyond question"
"Make yourself hideous then, and
disenchant him"
E'That might be an easy job if it
were you, Lell; bat how ain ] to be
made hideous % said Madge, with a
ripping laugh.
Mature has nearly saved YOU the
trouble in the matter; but with one or
two touches YOU can be made to fright
en- Lucifer himself. But [ tell you
Madge, [ think you had better accept
him at once, for believe it to be your
last chance to enter the Elysian fields
Of matrimony; and if you ever expect
to browse in those pastures you had
| better do it now"
''Thank you for your solicitude, Lell;
but [ assure you | would elope with
the coachman before | would marry
the lmpudent wretch who considers
me such simpleton as he must"
"We ell, then, buy red wig"
"WiIl that be sufficient"
"Scarcely; you will have to wear
spectacles-green ones-and what the
deuce to do with that complexion Of
yours, [ don't know, unless you go
down with your face dirty"
''Nothing easier" And a long
ha, ha, ha, echoed all over the room.
''Atter all, that will hardly disguise
you. You will have to assume the
proportions Of a feshy lady, and bor
row one Of your mothers dresses
There's nothing like a skillful use Of
cotton in such cases. I'm a capital
hand at padding. So, Madge, we'll
have you made over after the most ap-
proved manner, and Mr. Loveland will
probably be as glad to get out Of the
scrape as you are yourself.'
"I'Il burn five tallow candles to the
patron saint of corpulent females if the
ruse is successful, and hug you into the
bargain, my dear Lell.''
''That's q darIing."
That day week, a middle aged man,
dressed in rather seedy habiIiments,
might have been seen walking up the
long avenue Of trees in front Of the
Ridgewood House He was tall, but
had a terrible stoop il his shoulders
he walked quite lame, and coughed Of
ten his hair, of which he had profu-
sion, was sort Of iron gray, and grew
low upon his forehead whiskers Of the
sane material, were q very good match
with his hair; and he wore a ter
rife pair of goggles. The servants start
ed as he inquired for Miss Arnold, but
finally showed him in, and took his
card up to Madge. He was sent back
to say that Miss Arnold would be with
him soon; and then Madge and IeIl
began operations in earnest. LeA was
some at padding, as she said, and
few rolls Of cotton soon transformed
Madge into as buXom specimen OF
good health and feeding as you have
seen lately. She got into one OF her
mothers dresses, and after some sacrl-
fee Of hooks-and-eyes, succeeded IN
fastening it. She put on a broad linen
collar borrowed from Bridget, and fin
ished with a beau Of very gay ribbon.
All this time the girls were in fits Of
laughter; but when the wig come to
adore the head Of the bewitching dam
sci, they fairly collapsed, and a regular
roar echoed through Ridgewood House,
from ''garret to foundation stone. .
Lell then painted her flaming white
and red, IN manner so palpabIe as
not to leave doubt to a blind man
that it was white lead and rogue, and
then she donned her spectacles, and
declared herself ready.
"You cut gap figure, I assure you,' .
said Lell, between the spasms OF laugh
ter.
"Now if you only take snuff, and de-
clare your fondness for mush and milk,
and sing Lilly Dale in the style you
have practiced, shall expect to see
Mr.. Tom Loveland's coat-tails hutter-
ing down the avenue there in about
five minutes, or, if you persist in keep
ing him to his engagement, to hear two
reports of pistol, and see his brains
, flying about the house here in a horri
bic manner"
J Madge descended to the parlor fully
: expecting to meet there some young