The Oxford intelligencer. (Oxford, Miss.) 1860-18??, 1861-04-03
NUMBER%,4.
SCRAPS.


no body to il. ~ -ia1 .iie taHf
Prr your money into box If you Ike, but
not dice-boxl n@ 1isasa -
A novel may be very old, and yet what is old
cannot be novel ~ "ref = iss'aA
The ocean, which is forever sounding, some:
times gets sounded @ s@f
MES wounded by the explosion Of bombshells
are wounded mortarly. .i-s''af'
Books are cmbamed mnds-fsme is flower
upon dead mans heart
To destroy rats-Catch them, and latten their
heads in a lemon squeezer.
RELIGION Of the heart may justly and truly
be called the heart Of religion.
THE penancc we can do for envying another's
merit is to endcayor to surpass it,
IT is astonishing how keen even stupid people
are in discovering imaginary aiironts.
Ir motives are always visible, men would Of
ten blush for their most brilliant actions To-
PoLrrESEss pays about as well as almost any:
thing else that costs as little. Think of it.
The captain Of vessel is not governed By his
mate, but married landsman generally is.
THE man who is always behind hand has re.
Gently purchased several bottles of ketrh.up;
"MY son, you must start up from this lethar-
gyw "Would You have me an upstart, fathorr'
WHAT is that which every man can divide,
but no one can see where it is divided! Water
WHEN you get pretty well out Of employment,
try attending to your own business for a while
Az editor of paper in Indiana wants toknow
If Western whisky was ever seen coming thro'
the rye" p a
WmtS man wants money OF assistance, the
world, as a rule, is very obging and indulgcnt
and lets him want it.
LovE.-As long as woman loves, she docs
nothing else A man has other matters TO at.
tend to in the intervals.
mike, ifyou meet Pat, tell him to make haste
Sure an will" said Mike, but what shall
tell him if don't mate him.
An exchange says that dollars and sense are
a very rare combination. But if one has dollars,
he is a great man without the sense
A young woman, Catherine Bullitt lately lied
in Manchester, England, as her physician stated,
from the effect of wearing very tight CATERS.
"Joiix. You have drank until you are only
half of the John you used 10 be-" "Oh well,
then, | am dcmiiohn,' said he, complaccntly
TINS curious man goes about TO crafty his CT:
riosity but nc will probably never travel far
enough to find anything more carious tfaS him
self
GENT, on horseback k-"Get out of my way,
boy; get out of my way my horse don't like
donkcys." Boy-"Don't he! Then why don't
he throw yer orfy'
Why is beehive like bad potatol
Because a beehive is bee holder;
And beholder is a spectator
And spec& tatcr is a bad potato ..r
"TuERE's more in that fellows head. Sam, than
you imagine" said Dick of sleepy looking fel-
low standing by THAT may be-" replied the
other grayey "but always suspected he had
en-"
An Ingenious dandy conccals his badness in
Paris, by having a complete set Of thirty one
wigs, each one longer haired than the other, at
the end of the month he has his hsir cut BY
beginning again at No. |.
Az american has gone to England to sell the
Queen family Baptizing machine, being con.
vinced that If her children, whom she Is now
marrying off, are as prolific as their mother, the
ceremony never can be performed by hand
A fellow out West being asked whether the
liquor he was drinking was good article, re-
piled "Wal, don't know, guess so. Thcfs
is only one queer thing about it: whenever
wipe my mouth burn hole in my shirt sleevc."
"MrsrRR. how do you sell your beef this morn.
ing ~ "Why, fourteen cents a pound how
much will YOU haveg' Fourteen cents, Chi
Have you got hearth mo, just sold it,
"Well, just knowd you couldn't have heart
and Ak fourteen cents for beef"
TnE Boston Post, not having the fear of Abra-
ham, the Prince of Rails, before his eyes, gets
off the following:
Query, after reading the recent speeches of
the President elect. whether those who thought
"old Abe" was able, do not realize that they
made an az" Of a mistake.
a beautiful day, Mr. Jenkins" YES, very
pleasant, indeed" ''Good day for the race
.Race--what raceg "The human race" "Oh.
go long with your stupid jokes; get up good
one, like the one with which sold day" 'Day
what dayg" ''The day we celebrate" said
Jenkins, who went on his way rejoicing ~
Work OF THE DEyIL--We have seen some
awful Typographical errors in our day, but sell
dom any more ludicrous than the following.--
The editor wanting line to fill column gave.
''Shoot Folly as she flies. Pope q e1Isnor
In the hurry of setting it up, the Devil rem
dered it thus: -s,b
"Shoot Polly as she flies-pop"
ANOTHER JoKE-A very funny story is told
of President Lincoln. Being asked before The
Inauguration, whether he would ride to the cap
itol with buchanan in his barouchc, or 60 alcnc
THAT reminds me-" said he, ''of the story Of
witness in court, who, appearing in quaker COS:
tune, was asked, Will you swear, or affirm?
The witness replied, he didn't care d d--ri
which 7" IL this isn't true, it oaght to be. efi
aISa city Of one Of the Southern States which
has not yet seeded from the Union promi-
nefit member of one Of the Presby yterian church,
es told his pastor that he would quit the church
if he did not pray for the Union. The minister.
who is as full Of humor as overhowing withloy-
atty to the South. replied TO this that ''oar
church does not believe in praying for tae dead.
The Joke got out, of course, and even the Union,
men heard it with wry smile.
Jusr THE WoMAx-A friend Of ours was RI
ding with one of the fair sex, all of summers
day." and aeeidentally-men's arms, awkward
things, ire always In the way-droppcd an arm
around her waist No objection was made for 4
while, and the arm gradually relieved the sidS
of the carriage Of the pressure upon it. But II
a sudden. whether from a late recognition 6f tle
improperly of the thing, or the sight hf another
beau coming, never was clearly evident the Ia.
dy started with volcanic energy, and with fash