The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1861-01-12

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.;d,ni. noboay Int strangers,-that Is 10 say
N everySatT II Washington. f.is il singular
Sill mosasinsu.aY is sha fact, that the bes
food, serted 10 the most exqussite manncr
!. aai With sometimes q siigh.s variation) ,h,
n choicest wines aud cigars. may be bad a,
I these banks free Of cost. excert thcss whr
i ehon Sc voluntarily Y 70 remunerste ths banker
/ by psrcaax;nsl \ ceumcdty as castis ana
I almcss as worthless as the articles sold al
i ladiss' fairs,-upon which principle indeed
4 the Washington banks are conducted. Ths
colamsdrv al!nded, to is ia the form oil
1 small discs of iyery, called .seaips" OF
/ sscheeks.' or ssshad, or s.skad,n and tbs
price varies from twenty I've cents so d hua-
! s!rsd do lars per askad." ssa s&ls@ ass 500
At is expected that esevy person who opens
! an accouss at hank uy easiag . supper
there shall buy number OF "shad," but no,
/ with the view Of taking them home to show
| to his wife and children. Yet it is not an
uaconmcn thing for persons OF stiasy and
unsrassful d!spea ton TO spend most of
their time in these Benevolent Institutions
withou. ever spending 50 much rs d liar
for ''shad,n bat eating. drinking, and sma-
1 ior, ana particularly drinking. to The hes,
Of their ability. This reprehe practice
is known fami'iayly in Washington. as
''bucking aginst the siieboard," and is
thought by somsto be the safest raede Of
doing business al bank. -rg s,.r s-egsa. & s
The presiaipg thees is never called Presi-
| dent. He is called "Deaisr," r,"-perhaps
from the circun stance of his dfal.rg in
ivory,--and is net looked upto and wor-
| shipped as the influential man of banking.
houses is generally. On the contrary, he is
| for the most part coptemned BY his best
customers, whose hearts desire and pra@er
are to break his bank and ruin him utterly.
| Seeing the multitude of boarding houses,
oyster cellars, and livery banks, you may
suppose there Gre 70 hotels in Washington.
| You are n :staken. There are plenty Of
hotels, many of them got up on the scale or
magnificent distances that prevails every
where, and somewhat on the maritime plan
! OF the Departments. Outwardly, they look
| like colossal docks, erected for the benefit Of
hacks, large fleets of which vou Will aiwavs
| find meoyed under their lee, safe from the
I monsoon that prevails on the open sen of
! the Avenue. lnwardly, they are labyriuths,
through whose gloomy maees it is Impossible
| to thread your way without the assistance
Of an Ariadne's clue in the shape of al
irlshman painting under trunk. So OBJ
| scnre and Involved are the hotel interiors,
| that it would be madness for a stranger to
venture in search Of his roem without the
| guidance OF seme one far more familiar with
| the devious course Of the marrow clearipgs
through the forest of apartments than the
landlord himself. Now aud then rcck less
and adventurous proprietor undertakes to
make days journey alone through his e..
| tablshmept. He is never heard ef after.
| watds,-or, If found, is Discovered in a re-
mote angle or loft, in a state Of insensibili'y
1 from widerment and starvation. If il
were not for an occasional negro. who, in
/ stigatcd by charitable motive or love of
/ money, sl9uches about from raom to room
with an empty coal-scuttle as aa excuse for
| his 7intrusious, gentleman stepping at a
Washington hotel would be doomed TO Ger :.
| tain death. In fact, the lives Of all the
/ guests hang upon thread. or rather, wire:
for, if the bell should fail to answer, there
would be no earthly chance of getting into
| daylight again. 1t is but reas sonable to
suppose that the wires to many rooms have
| been broken in times past, and II is well
known in Washington that these rooms
| are now tenanted by skeletons of hapless
travellers whose relatives and friends never
| doubted that they had been kidnapped or
had gone down in the Arctic. .
/ The dinerental calculus by which al
| Washington is computed obtains at the ho-
tells as elsewhere. with this PECULIARLY that
the differences are infinitely great, instead
of infinitely small. While the fronts are
very fine, sbowy, and youthful as the Le-
compton Constitution, the rears are coarse,
! common, and old as tho Missouri Compro.
mise. The furniture in the rooms that look
upon Pennsylvania Avenue Is as fresh as the
dogma of Squatter Sovereignty; that in all
| other rooms dates back to the Ordinance OF
! '67. Some Of the apartments exhibit a
/ glaring sp'endor; the rest show beds, bu.
reaus, and washstands which hard and long
usage has polished to'a sort Of newness
Specimens of ancient pottery found on these
] washstands are now in the British Museum
and are reckoned among the finest oil
Layard's collections at Nineveh.
i The dining-rooms are admirable examples
OF magnificent distance. The room ia lsng
the tables are long, the kitchen is long wal
of, and the walters long time going anG
coming. The meals are long,-so long tha
there is literally no end to them they ar,
eternal. 1t is customary to marx certain
4 mile stones named breakfast, dinner, ant
supper; but these points have no more pos
tive existence than the imaginary lines apt
i entirely through dinner into supper, apt
dinner ends with coffee, the beginning o
breakfast. Estimating the duration Of din
ner by TIE speed Of an ordinary railroad.
train, il is twenty miles from soup 20 fish
and fifty from turkey to nuss. But distanc'
however magnificent, does not lend enchart
] ment to meal. The wonder is that tht
knives and forks are not made to cores
j spond in length with tbs repastsj--in which
case the latter world be pitehforks, and sh'
former john Brown pikes. .s.s gazs ss..
i The people Of Washington are as various
mixed, dissimi!sr, and sonirastel as th,
|. ediices they inhabit. Within the Ike area
which isl be no means small one, the sam,
, number Of dignitaries caa be found no wher
else on heface Of the glsbe,--nor go man,
. characters ef doubtful reputation. If th
, beggars Of Dublin, the crippiss Of CoDstsn
, tinople and the lepers Of Damascus shoul,
! assemble ia Baden-Baden during Congres
. Of Kings, tilen Baden-Ba6s would resem
, BILE Washington. Presidents, Senators
, HonorabIss, Judges, Generals C Csmm sdores
Governors, and tha Exs Of oil these eangre
gate here as thick as pickpocksss at a hors
J race or women at . Wedding in church
Add AMBASSADOR, Plenipe.en,laries, !, LsYds
, Counts, 3arons, Chsvaliers, the great aD
small fry Of toe Legations, Captains, Lieu
tenants, Claim Agents, Negroes, Perpetual
I Motion. Nen, Rire-Eaters, Ifishnen, Plug
. Uglies, Heosiers, Can blsrs, Californian
, Mex,cans, Japanese, Indians, and Orsau
/ GriDdsrs, tegsther with females TO mate
/ all sariesiss Of malss. and you have . vaxu
nssioa Of the people Of Washingsen.
q lis an arism 10 physics, that psrt csr
1 no. be greater than the whole: and i. vi
. be recoliected, that, after Epistsmos ha
. bis bead sewed ~, be related . tough ssor