davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

CHURcHISG AN OLD MAD.-An unmarried
lady, perfect specimen of an old maid, being
on visit to friend who lived in large
manufacturing town, went on Sunday to church
alone, and was shown Into large square pew,
in which half dozen females were seated.
The prayers were drawn to a conclusion when
the officiating minister deviated from the af-
| ternoon service into another with which she
was unacquainted This was a novelty to Miss
p; who was in the habit of attending pub.
lie worship at a fashionable chapel in London.
When this interpolated service began, her CO.
pewers stood up she as a matter of course,
followed their example and on doing so,
was surprised to see all the congregation ex
cept thmseves either sitting or kneeling-
Her companion presently knelt down She
again followed their lead, and by prayer she
discovered tht it was q thanksgiving for safe
deliverance from the great pain and peril of
childbirth The usual afternoon service being
finished she rose from her seat with crimsoned
cheeks in an agitated state Of mind, which was
not lessened by the clerk coming into the
pew, and asking her, have you a child to
be chriStened, ma'am " She pushed out Of the
pew, and made the best Of her way cut Of the
church. On entering her friends drawing
room, she looked so excited and alarmed that
Mrs ". exclaimed : my dear what has hap
ened to you Have you been robbed or as
sauIted 2 Worse, worse, much worse hys-
tericalIy sobhed the old maid, I've been
cEurctcd.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

LAUGHABLE NoTTcE.-We are indebted to
the Warrentown, a. c. News for the follow
ing advertisement, which was posted up n the
tavern in Newbern, while the Legislature was
in session at that place Nine host, it seems.
was an honest, we'll meaning fellow, who had
conceived the idea that the members were the
very salt Of the earth, and had listened to the
complaints Of certain of them, relative to the
doings Of few wilder characters who did NOS
belong to their fraternity, Here is the notice
which be posted in The most compicuous pla-
ces in the house Look Here-The follow
ing rules Of order will lie hereafter observed in
this hotel Members Of the Assembly will 60
to the table first, and the gentlemen after
wards" After reading it over, he did not
exactly Ike it. 1t didn't say anything about
rowdes and Lllckguards so to caution thea
particularly, he added Nota BeRs.-RoB-
dies and blackguards will please no! mix with
the members, as it is hard to tell oae from the
Other"
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

How TO FINISH RooXs.-Bayard Taylors
opinion on this subject is thus expressed in
the Independent:
For the finishing of rooms there is nothing
equal to the native wood, simply oiled to de-
yelOp the beauty Of the grain. Even the COM
monest pine. treated in this way, has q warmth
and lGstre, beside which the dreary white paint
so common even in the best of houses, looks
dull and dead Nothing gives house so cold,
uncomfortable an air as white paint andplaster.
This color is fit only for the tropics. Our
cheap, common woOds-pne, ash, chesnut, oak
maple, beech, walnut, butternut-offer Us a
variety of exquisite tints and fbrous patterns,
which until recently have been wholly disre-
garded in building. Even in furniture we are
Just beginning to discover how much moro
chaste and elegant are oak and walnut than
mahogany The beauty of the room is as de-
pendent upon the harmony of its coloring as
that Of picture Some of the uglest aud
most disagreeable apartments have ever seen
were jtSt those which contained the most ex-
pensiTe furniture and decorations. Ky ex-
perience shows that q room finished with the
best seasoned oak or walnut costs actually less
than one finished with pine, painted and grain
ed in imitation OF those woods. Two verandas
of yellow pine, treated to two coats of boiled
oil, have richness and beauty OF color be-
yond the reach of pigment aud my only regret
connected with the house is, that | was pur-
suaded by the representations Of mechanics, to
use any paint at all.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

A WARN BATH WAGER,-THE QrEsTIoN OF
ENDURANCE TEsTED.-S Smith was a man who
never permitted himself TO be outdoDe-he
could do whatever nybody else could. Smith
met Brown in a bath room, and Brown know
ing the others peculiar conceit, said that he
Brown could endure hotter bath than any
living man. Thereat Smith fred up, aud a
bet was made. The bathing tubs were pre-
pared with six inches Of cold water in each
The fellows stripped, and separated by cloth
partition, each got in and let on the water at
word-the wager being who should stay 10 the
longest with the hot water running. Smith
drew up his feet as far as possible from the
boiling stream, while Brown pulled out the
plug ct the bottom Of his tub. After about
( half minute quoth Smith 2
How is it. Brown-pretty warm"
! "Yes says the other, =" it's getting almighty
hot. but | guess can hold out minute yet
$50 can l." answered smith" Scic-s-s
squash Lightning its awful r
/ Fifteen seconds, equal to half an hour by
/ Smiths imaginary watch,
a say. over tbere-how is it now =
90 lis nearly I'D to the bilin' pint-Oh,
I Christopher answered the diabolical villain,
/ who was lying in the empty tub, while the hot
water passed out of the escape pipe.
| By this time Smith was splurging about Ike q
/ boiled lobster, and called again:
Il say, over there how is it now :"
! Hot rs the devil replied Brown but
when scisss guess can hold out another
minute !"
The helrs fire you can shrieked the now
boiling Smith, who rolled out and bolted thro
the partition, expecting to find Brown hall
cooked
You Internal rascal why didn't you put
The plug in ?
why, didn't agree to- said the imPer
turable Joker vhy'n thunder didn't yoG
| leave yours out!
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

BLACK DArs-Have You ever known days
that we're black Have you ever known days
in which everything went wrong as though
scme invisible hand tarned your whole life
tousy-tu Did every sharpihstrument you
handled pierce or cut you its own accord
Did some undiscoverable individual throw
your neatly arranged work into confusion, and
abstract the book in which you were deeply
interested Did the current of your thoughts,
which usually flowed with pleasant freedom,
suddenly become stagnant? Did the persons
you least wish to see force themselves into
your preseuce, and those You loved best re-
main absent Did you labor with more than
RoAted zeal, yet accomplish nothing' Such
unbalanced days when life seems all q game OF
cross purposes, will come to meet Is land how
is this unholy spell to be broken Very often
the presence of some being gifted with strong
pure. heart, genial temperament, and syDPath-
etc nature, will chase all the shadows, restore
serenity 30 the ruffled temper, and evoke order
out OF confusion even as the voice, the look Of
one single angel can put to fight legion OF
evil spirits
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

JUDGE NOT FROM APPEARANCEs.-A lady
friend contributes to the american Agricul!urlst
for boys and girls, the following capital story,
showing the danger of judging by appearances:
When | was eleven years old my mother
removed to the country. Our nearest neighbor
was a minister by the name Of Wayland, who,
in addition to bis ministerial duties, owned and
cultivated large farm. One night, my atten-
tion was attracted to bright light in one OF
the upper rooms of our neighbor's house. In
moment saw the wife fly past the uncur-
tanned window, closely followed by her hns
band. who was armed with huge FIRE shovel
round the room she went, still pursued, and
as | listened breathlessly, l thought, nay,
was sure, | heard q scream. | fastened to my
mother and told her what had seen, and We
both looked out, but the light was gone, and
all was quiet Notwithstanding my mothers
judiciouS warning to say nothing about it TO
any one, before school was out the next day, |
had confded il to a bosom friend, aud in q
weak half the village knew it,and a great talk
it made | assure you. Finally it reached the
ears OF the deacons, who proceeded TO iuYest-
gate its truth. Ny mother looked grave and
troubled when they called but, conscious OF
having told only the truth, | met them fear
lessy and related what l had seen. They left,
taking a bee line for the minister's to call him
to account With many apologies they made
their erraud known when, to ther surprise, the
minister burst into hearty laugh.
Wait a moment" said he, " till call Pol
". You see, that night found big rat in
nv meal chest, and came down for the shovel
and babe her hold the light while killed him.
Finding no other place to hide, the rascal took
refuge in the folds of her dress, and she ran
Screaming, till managed to dislOdge and kill
him"
have ever since been careful no to repeat
an unfavorable report about my neighbors, at
least until | knew the whole truth.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

NEWSPAPERS IN TURKEy.-An Interesting
letter from ConstantihoPle has the following
interesting Items
There are now published in Constantinople
more than twenty newspapers one in Eng
Hsh--a well conducted weekly, with a daily
bulletin, having a large circulation three in
French-one daily, owned by the government;
one semi,weekly, with bulletin-an ably con-
Quoted paper, which is very apt to expose all
the weak points of the government one month
ly medical paper three in Turksh-oue off
cial, one semi official, and one altogether indie
pendent one in Greek, having large circu-
lation representing Greek Influences ten in
Armenian, owned by the American mission,
and edited By Rev Dr. Dwight, which is par
TALLY religious and partly secular; one or two
of the others are able papers, bat most of them
are OF rather low order, and devote themselves
especially to slsndering the American mission
aries There are also two Bulgarian papers,
which have a good circulation aud much infu-
eGce, especially at this exciting crisis of tbe
Bulgarian church. There was also sma.
German paper, but it has died out, although
among German population of about l.
coo.
Asa whole, there is a steady improvement
noticablein in the character of these papers, and,
within month or two, q new liberty has been
given to the Turkish papers, which they i'm
prove by Publishing free criticisms on The inter
nal affairs Of the empire.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

TIE WHOLE THryG N A NrrsHELL-The
present aspect Of the question between the
North and the South IS thus prieay stated by
the Albany Erenirg Jozrnat:
Those VINO have cherished the idea that
Peace will best be promoted by yielding 20
the Traitors, are getting rapidly udeceived.
The Secessionists are determined 10 coeFce the
United States Government to submit to them.
They intend to sieze the Capitol and all the
archives and pubIic buildings, and to rule the
Nortern States as conquered provinces. We
nav as well look the matter square In the face.
Eyerv time the e. S. Government takes one
step backward, the TraiJors will take two
steps forward Their pretezt Of +" Peaceable
Secession is no longer persisted in. They
are not content TO 20 out Of the Union peace
ably and stay there They mean TO ruin and
rob Us, as they 20, aud to be orr DictatoES
after they have gone.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

SWALLOWED HoLE-The other day, our
Charley, Eve years old, found oae of those
curious bone-rimmed circles, which, believe,
ladies have named eyeiets, and while playing
in the garden, swallowed it. The family were
in the house, busily engaged with q work on
entomology, when Charley ran in with mouth
wide open, and eyes distended to their utmost
capacity. His mother caught him By the arm
and, trembling with that deep anxiety which
only q mother can feel, inquired
What's the matter What has happened ~
The urchiD, all agape, managed to articu.
late:
Water ~
1: was brought when, after drinking copl-
ously, be exclaimed
"Oh, mother, swallowed a hole y
"Swallowed q hole, Charley ~
les, mother; | swallowed q hole Rith g
piece OF ivory round it.'
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

MONSTER BELLs-RuSsia is pre-eminently
the country of great BELLS where they may be
heard in full vigor, " swinging slow with sullen
roar" for they are too heavy to be swung, but
necessarily tolling and booming, and deafen-
ing all ears but those of Russians, who almost
worship their bells In Moscow alone, before
the Revolution, there were LOO large bells,
which rumber has increased now to 5000
The great Bell of Moscow, of which every one
has heard was cast in 1853, by order of the
Empress Anne. It's weight is variously esti-
mated at from 360 900 to 440, 600 lbs. 1t is
twenty one feet three inches high, and about
twenty-five feet in diameter at the mouth
In 1851 the Gar Nicholas caused it to be
taken out of the pit in which i: lay, and to be
placed upon the granite pedestal as it is now
seen. Upon its side is seen the figure of the
Empress Anne, in flowing robes. 1t has been
consecrated as a chapel, the Russians regard
ing it with tuperSttious veneratiOn, and will
not allow a particle to be taken from it as spe-
cimen of the metal The entrance to it is
through large fracture or opening in the
side, whence piece has been broken out
There is now suspended in Moscow, upon the
tower of St. Ivan, a bell weighing l44, 900 lbs
cast in 1917 the diameter Of which at the
mouth is thirteen feet.
The bells of China rank next in size to those
of Russia, there being several in Pekin, cast
in honor of the transference of the seat Of gov
ernment from Nankin to that city, which are
said to each weigh 10000 lbs. Another, at
Nankin, of nearly cylindrical shape, is estimat-
ed to weigh $4,000.
OF European bells, the famous one at Err
furt, in Germany, cast in 1897, and weighing
about 10000 lbs, was long celebrated not
only as the largest, but also as the best in
Europe One placed in the Cathedral of Paris
in 1860 weighs 38, 900 lbs Another in Vienna,
cast in I'LL, weighs 40, 600 lbs, and in Olmutz
is aaother of about the same weight. The eel.
ebrated Great Tom, of Oxford, England,
weighs l. 900 lbs, and was cast in 1860.
The great bell recently east for the Parlia-
ment House in London weighs $4,000 lbs ;
that in York Minister, called Great Peter, Of
York, weighs 81 900 lbs; aud that upon the
Notre Dame Cathedral in Montreal, (the lar
gest upon this continent, weighs 400 lbs,
aud was imported from England in lS43.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

GooD-There are many kinds of good"
To trading people, any man who can pay
bis debts is g good" A moral person is un-
doubtedIy " good :" but then, q very immoral
one is often esteemed good fellow With
commercial people goodness consists in mon
ey with the fancy in muscle. In short,
everywhere, and with all sorts Of folks, good "
expresses simply what is much liked or desired.
A traveller on the cost of Africa, writes that
native said to him, eyeing his abundent
apparel-of which the negro had next to
none" You very good man-you got plenty
shirt -
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

"RALPH EASEL" the correspondent Of the
New York Express, tells the following capital
story.
Que of my Partisan con- nfrerss tells capital
story to the discontinue of celebrated ply
sican, who is not, as he carefully declares the
famous Dr. TrouSseau, though the initial of
his name is among the last letters of the
alphabet. / will add my own assurance that
the member Of the faculty in question is not
Professor Faleau, whose initial letter might
be compromised, if this precautionary state
ment were omitted. If you should really be
curious to learn who is alluded to, | recon-
mend you to apply to one Of our Partisan med
ical brethren.
The celebrated physician, whoever he may
be, had attended the only child OF rich parents
and had, with the aid of Providence, saved the
infants life A day or two after the darling
was pronounced out of danger, the grateful
mother visited the man of science at his Office
Doctor said she, there are certain SER
vices which mere money cannot remunerate.-
Scarcely knowing how to discharge my debt
to you, | have thought that you might be
willing TO accept this pocket book, which |
myselfhave embroidered, as trihing token OF
my gratitude
Madame" ," retorted the disciple of -Escu
lapius, somewhat rudely, the pratice of medi
cine is not matter of sentiment Time is
money. Pretty presents may serve to perpet-
uate friendship, but they do not contribute to
the cost of Housekeeping.
well, then, Doctor" replied the lady,
much wounded By his tone and manner, " be
good enough to name the sum at which you
oI,o al
Certainly, Madame. Ny charge, iu your
instance, is 2,000f"
Without further remark, the lady opened
the rejected pocket-book, which she still held
in her hand, took two of the FIVE l,000f notes
slowed inside, placed them on the great mans
table, and quickly bid him good morning. The
doctor has not yet entirely recovered his dis
turbed equanimity
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

A REAL RELsHER OF JoKE.-A man late
ly received twenty Iashes, well laid on. at the
whipping-post, in an English town. The cul-
prit. instead of belloTing when the constable
applied the lash. laughed immoderately, which
made the angry officer lay on with harder
force On giving him the twentieth blow. the
angry officer could stand it DO longer. "Well,
here. mister" said he " I've done nv duty,
and can lick you no more. but I'd like to
know what it is that's so funny Funny -
roared the other " why its excellent-glori-
Gus = You're got ne tcr0ng Smith | amt
the man that was 10 be whipped It's the
other one ! Aud now you'll have to go it all
over again Really, it's too good You must
lick the other man Ha, ha, ha !"
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07
TOWANDA: :
Thursday Morning, March 7, 1861.
SsIetttA qoetrp.
REGRET.
BY !. WELLINGTON WHICH.

gY 4. WELLINGTON WHICH.
u.I,,th. dav when you and were parted,
Va more TO dwell in friendship here below;
I saw the tears when to your eyes they started
But naughty pride refused to let them flow.
Tssv your bosom heave with strange emotion
Law vour cheek grow red, then ashy pale;
". psrted thus, and now DER lite's rough ocean
Our once twin barques no more together SAIL
A not murmur at this dispensatiou,
pr, r,a.kIy how in humble resignation
know that We shall meet on earth no more,
ave have met in days that now are past;
Those DAYS. so full Of joy and bliss are er-
Ton bright. too beautiful were they to last
n, Tbss hoped that life's short journey through,
Your hand might guide me safely TO the end;
And that amid its griefs and sorrows you
Would 10 nv battlsment OF PRIDE my ifisnN'
I,h.ll not wish that We may meet again
veil know such wishing will be vain
y, ,,u, is sick with longing, hoFs and dread
IoDsfnv for happiness that cannot be;
oLr T,,1,5 hear TO know that you were dead,
Rut c.nno: bear to think you lost to me ;
yo-Iba3 hoped that in the years to come,
w.mfsht together sail LIES chanseful sea;
q,o,s year. will row be sad and wsari some,
Tbev have no bliss no joy in store for me.
pyreary soul cries cut in bitter pain.
Ne, t,r ths, love which ne'er will come again.
O,ce Won we're milder than the Summer wind,
Nor. fair and pure than cen the lilies be;
Lone as yen star, that with the twilight tviued,
Looks down in loveIiRess from Heaven on me.
You bore Of all my woes and cares part
You .ud your love were all the world to ne;
Iwere vcur image in my inmost heart,
Ny mouolith Of faith and hope to be-
=, over now-'Ivas al 4 dseam-'tis past,
Am awake 10 stern reality 81 last
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

As the polite omnibus agent Of the Lex
ingtou and Louisville Railroad was going
through the ladies' car, checking baggage, he
asked very pretty young lady if she had any
baggage she wished taken TO the hotel
She replied, No, sir" The agent then asked
her if she desired a bus No, sir, an not
10 a bussing humor this evening" The agen;
dropped his memorandum book, hastily retired
to tSe baggage car, and said be felt uHweil.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

An exchange states that the breaking of
ground for the commencement of the Lynch
burg and Tennessee Railroad, at Lynch
burg, clergyman slowly and solemnIy read a
manuscript prayer-at the conclusion Of which
an old negro man, who had been resting with
one foot on bis spade and his arms on the
handle looking intentIy in the chapIain's face,
Strengthened himself up, and remarked very
audbly. well, l reckOned dat's de fust
time de Lords eber bin writ TO on de subtle
oh railroads."
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

WHAT a glorioas world this would be,
if all its inhabitants could say, with Sbak-
speare's Shepherd: Sir, | AN true labor
er: | earn that | wear owe no ma0 hate (;
envy no mans happiness glad Of other mems
good content With ny farm"
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

A GREEH#oRx standing by sewing machine
at whish a Young lady was at work, looking
alternately at the machine and at its fair oP-
orator, at length gave vent TO bis admiration
with.
By golly it's purity specially the part
covered with caliker !"
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1861-03-07

A CAVE, two thousand feet deep, has recent
" been explored near San Domingo, on the
Tehuantepec route. 1t has at sometime been
inhabited. as several broken jars have been
discovered there
Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1861-05-24
Scrofu1a. or Kings Evil.

is a constitutional disease, corruption of the
blood, by which this fluid iccomc5 vitiatcd,
weak, and poor. Being in the circulation it
pervades the whole body, and may burst out
in disease on any part of it. No organ is free
from its attacks, nor Is there one which it may
not destroy. The scrofIIlous taint is variou~ly
caused by mcrcurial disease, low living, dis
ordered or unhealthyMEood, impure air, filth
and filthy habits, the depressing vices, and,
above all, by the vcncrcal infection. What
ever be its origin, it is hereditary i'll the con-
sGtuton, descending 't from parents to children
unto the third and fourth generation - indeed,
it seems to be the rod of Him who says, a.
will visit the iniquities of the fathers upon
their children"
Its effects commence by deposition from the
blood of corrupt or ulccrous matter, which, III
the lungs, liver, and internal organs, is termed
tubcrclcs; i'll the glands, swcllings; and on
the surface, eruptions or sores. This foul cor
ruption, which gcndcrs i'll the blood, dcpresses
the energies of life, so that scrofulous constiu-
tons not only suffer from scrofulous COM
plaint~, but they have far less power to with
stanJ the attacks of other diseases; conse-
qucn,ly vast numbers perish by disorders
which, although not scrofiIlous i'll their nature,
arc still rendered fatal by this taint in the
system. Most of the consumption which de-
climates the human family has its origin directly
in this scroftllous contamination; and many
destructive diseases of the liver, kidneys, brain,
and, indeed, of all the organs, arise from or
arc aggravated by the same cause.
One quarter of all our people ara scroflrlous
their persons are invaded by this lurking in
fcction, and their health is undermined by it.
To cleanse it from the system we must rcnovate
the blood by an Alternative medicine, and i'll
vigorate it by healthy food and exercise.
Such q medicine we supply in
Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1861-05-24
PAINTS

0F all COLOR ground in Oil, as we'll as dry
" aircSh supply, for safe at the l5rHR atUfc oi
NJ J.. STARR & BRO,
No. j y iliians Block,
ianIl '6I Delaware, o.