Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1861-04-20
A Hlshly OrisInaI sIode Of CaPturlns
Fort sumter.

Fort Sumter.
The local editor Of the Nashville (Tenn.)
Patriot remarks; 81. -~-., --.,. ~s
The telegraph announces that General
Beaurepard has opened his guns upon Fort
Sumter, and that Fort Sumter has opened its
guns upon General Besuregard. This re-
port may or il may not be true. There are
50 many rascals triiggering with the telegraph
lately that it only tells the truth once
week, and then by the merest accident.
Hence II may be that not a solitary gun has
been fred at Charleston though we are
compelled to believe that there has, for we s,
accumulate more and more evidence every
day that the race of fools is not entirely ex'
tinet, and that a number of them have re-
Gently been congregating about Charleston.
We sincerely hope that the telegraph has
not forfeited its unenviable reputation, in
this case and that as usual II is lying like a
ftis well known that Fort Sumter was
built by the United States Government, by
whom it was. held and Occupied--with no
one to dispute its right TO do so until South
Carolina backed out of the Federal Compact,
when she levied an attachment upon the
Fort and threw the case into ehancery, where
it has been ever since. When the Southern
Confederacy started, that power assumed the
responsibility Of the suit and has prosecuted
1t with some vigor.
five have correctly got the hang of the
thing, the United States claim the fort by
right of construction (by which we mean not
constructive right, but the right of having
built the darned thing);. while the Confeder-.
ate States claim IL by right of carefully
cultivated weakness for picking up such lit
tie things Of that sort as they happen to find
It is probably too late now to speculate
upon the best and most equitable method of
settling the claims of the parties but it is
very strange that Major Anderson was not
authorized to close out the concern to the
highest bidder, and divide the proceeds be-
tween the claimants. Or if this method was
not agreeable to both parties, they could
very easily have sent Seward and Toombs to
4 O card conference at the half way point be.
tween Washington and Montgomery, with
instructions to settle the question by game
| of poker or seven. ups
| 1t is to be regretted that the Southern Sec
| retary of War, General Wdrker, could think
of no means of getting possession of the fort
| without battering it down. We shall proceed
to show that it might have been done easily
enough, and by as many as three distinct
| plans, which would have cost comparatively
nothing, and would have brought about the
desired result without shedding drop Of
blood. pr~- or
l. Our first plan would have been to con-
vert the troops in the fort into National
Democratic Convention, bring forward Doug.
las and Brenckinridge as opposing candidates
for the Presidency, make the quartermastel
charge the members $40 a day for board, and
having gotten up a row, move an immediate
adjourDment-to Baltimore. The fort would
have been evacuated at once and the thing
would have been settled.
2. Our second plan would have been Il
sendSeach of the officers and troops in thu
| e. of tho MOptornp1oru Mon onf
give him $40 to read it five minutes on
stretch. At the expiration of that time th,
entire garrison would have been soun(
asleep, and a handful of volunteers coulC
have gone over on a raft some times during
the day and taken peaceable possession o
the premises The first plan might hav'
failed; the second could not possibly hav
done SO. The only difficulty in the wa!
would have been that of getting the troop
TO encounter such bore for the contempt
\ bic sum of $40. -.., .-.
8. 1t will be remembered that while tn
Egyptians were largely engaged in the manu-
factuTe of mummies, and in the worshi
Apis, Isis, Osiris, and five-story Pantheon
of auxiliary gods in the shape of dogs, cat
and monkeys, their country was invaded By
Cambyses; of the Persian army, brave sol
dier, but rather eccentric in the treatment O
relations, and that he caused large number
of the animals worshipped by the Egyptian
to be carried in front of his troops, aud th
Egyptians, fearing to strike sacrilegiou
blow by attacking the Persians, stood pani
stricken, and fell an unresisting prey to tn
sword of the invader. Now why could nc
Secretary Walker have learned a lesson fror
this page of history, and captured Fort Sum
ter pretty much in the same way2 If be ha
Constructed large raft in Charleston harbo
manned it with 100 soldiers, inclosed in
fortifcation of several hundreds of the pref
ty girls of the Southern Oonfederacy, an
showed it out for the Fort, not soldie
there could have been hired to fire even
blank cartridge upon the approaching fot
but would have surrendered at discretion
and all men of taste would have cOmmende
their discretion in doing so.
. But none Of these wise and virtuous plar
seemed to strike the powers that be at Mon
, gomery, and the result is, the Don't Shoe
policy has been abandoned, and Beauregar
and Anderson have gone to playing IL
devil and Tom Walker.