Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1861-04-08
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From the Boston TraVsiier.l
Richard Rusty Seeks an Office.

At home, Rusty was known ae plain "Dick 7
Dick Rusty-high private In the "Voluntee
Minute Guard" at Squam.
Dick Rusty had lied his seven dollar Goa
severely, bearing torch in the Wide Awak
Iprocessions,- ,-he had served as under.Secretary
at the town and county conventions; be was th,
very FIRST man in his neighborhood who hat
thought Of cold Abe" for President, aud b,
determined to be "counted In" sure, after in
6ne morning recently, he found himself Jogging
up Pennsylvania Avenue, In the great city Of
"vultures, hacks, and magnificent distances"
Washington Is very nice place! Dick had
his "papers" with him-to wit, few badly
spelled and worse written vouchers for his good
character and "sterlng" political principles, and
knowing himself (in his own esteem) sound or
the goose. upon reaching Washington he sailed
in for the little Government Office he coveted il
his native town.
Having carefully envelopsd bis credentials
be started them to the Department to which they
were addressed, and triumphantly sat himself
down in the garrett room of his boarding house,
to await an answer from the Hon. Secretary
And thus he waited
One day-two, three, fye-a week, expired.
But no reply by post, as he had expected! Nov
this was very singular circumstance, lin Mr..
Rusty's opinion) and the delay very unusual, in
his experience. Indeed, after time, IL came
60 look very much like slight towards him -
What could it meant He wrote to inquire why
his "little matter" had not been attended to.
He got no reply to this, either Again he
addressed the Department upon the same sub.
ject. But he received no answer. This was
an outrage. Whereupon, having waited anoth-
er week, he determined, valiantly, to "know
the reason why"
Mr.. Rusty had not omitted to stir up the Hon.
Representative from his District (who assured
him he would "look into his casey, and then
be waited once more. He found the county Ed
tor, too, who chanced to be also an applicant
for place, and he promised to attend to Mr..
Rusty directly. And again he waited. Still, no
reply. And thus four weeksran on, and Rusty's
money ran out.
Astonished, and exasperated, he started at
length for the Department In person. He found
at least SIX hundred persons there, before him,
all religiously bent upon an errand similar to
bis own He waited six mortal hours in the
great windy passage.way, where he was squeez
cd, and elbowed, and jammed, and nearly suffo-
Gated; but still he struggled for his "turn -
He got sight of the inner door just In season to
see the Honorable Secretary emerge and pass
out to his carriage, for home Business was
stairs and retired.
But Richard Rusty, Of Squam, was a man of
business; so he followed up bis object next day,
and the next, and the next. At last he succeed.
cd In getting inside, where the following collo-
guy ensued:
"Good morning, Mr.. Secretary" says Rusty, ,
confdentially; and he grasped the Secretary's
hand like "Son of Malta" who had passed lis
twenty-third degree. 8
"Good morning." responded the Hon. secre-
"Mr. Rusty-Richard Rusty, SIR" adds our
friend. tt a, y -
"Yes; very happy, Mr.. Rusty. From Indi-
anal" queries the Secretary, silly. =
"No, sir-n0."3 Flf trat---e,'st-i p ~
"Oh-ah, no. From Illinois, then7"
"No, cir. From Squam," says Rusty, mod
estly.
"squam' Yes, yes. remember. squam
"No, cir. Connecticut"
"Ah, yes. Very happy. Yes; Connecticut
Rusty Squam. / know, now"
Mr.. Rusty fdgets. So does the Secretary.
Each 10 desirous to get out Of the others pres.
ence as soon as possible. And Mr.. Rusty Is du.
ly referred, with his papers, to File Clerk No.
81, who (he is informed) "takes charge" ofI
his documents. Rusty retires in high glee, In
his own judgment, he has wen.
He waits again. Three days--fve, week
Ia fortnight; but he hears nothing; and then
he ventures to walt upon Mr.. File Clerk No.
81, where he inquiries about lis 'little affair.
No, 81 has five bushels of unopened letters on
his table when Rusty enters.
"What name, sir7" he asks.
"Rusty, sir. Richard Rusty"
Our Office hunter Ia not little nettled to
learn, as he now does for the first time, from
the File Clerk, that Messrs. Dusty, Custy, Dus.
ty, Fusty, Gusty, Husty, Justly, Kusty, dagger
beer manufacturer,) Lusty, Musty, Nusty, and
Pusty, are all before him-on tho list of appli
cants; for, unfortunately, our friend from Squam
Is away down among the RS!
But Mr.. File Clerk No. 81 is patient man
and polite. He has been in the office dozen
years, and "wll do anything to oblige Mr.. Rus.
ty," (except to give him any lucid information. J
And so No. 2l refers the applicant to Mr..
White, No. A, next room, overhead. Up goes
Rusty. Mr. White sends him to Mr.. Buff,
fourth clerk, No. Sc, up two flights further
Mr.. Buffknows nothing Of Mr.. "Rusty Squam's''
case, but thinks Mr. Drab can inform him about
IL. Mr.. Drab can't say, certain, but directs the
tired but patient inquirer to Mr.. Redd, down
stairs three flights, end Of third passage, to the
left--north. Rusty has no compass with him.
(and really couldn't use IL, II he had!) but he
finds his man. Mr.. Redd isvery busy, and very
short, but has no doubt that Mr.. Gray, Whose
duty II is to attend to these things) can inform
Mr.. Squamty 'what to do about It." He finds
Mr.. Gray. Mr.. Gray sends him to Mr.. Green
Mr.. Green forwards him to Mr.. Bloc (who
speaks English very indiiferently.) Mr.. Rloo
him to Mr.. Brown, (there are thirty.
seven Browns on the samefoor,) and Mr.. Brown
hands him over to Mr.. Black, up stairs, once
more. Mr.. Black knows nothing whatever of
Mr.. Rusty, or his papers, and never heard Of
him or them-but civilly refers him back 10 Mr..
White, where he started from,
BY this time Richard Rusty is diaguated, and,
thoroughly beaten out with running over the
stone stairs, he concluded to 90 to his lodgings.
Next day he commences once more, and pets
lost In the multifarious windings and turns Of
the geat Department building. Before he has
time to get bis bearings again, Office hours have
expired, and he returns again to bis boarding
house attic, to ruminate upon the mutability
of human affairs generally, and Of Office seek.
ing especially, concluding With the philosophy
caA sentiment, that "Jordan is hard road to
travel"
Despsrate, next day, he finds sFile Clerk No.
81 ;" with whom no originally deposited his pa.
pers, and Indignantly demands his documents.
After waiting several hours, and making dill.
gent search, with his papers In his hand, be is
admitted to the presence of the Secretary, with
whom- -amid bis despair and disappointment--
Rusty has go bore to pick" -,
: "I'm Mr.. Rusty" he says, abruptly, as be
enters !. s,.-sl
s.Glad to see you, !" responds the Secretary.
"Yes; 1s'pose co." says Rusty. "
UWbere from, Mr.. Rusted7" A"
"Where from!" exelaims Che applicant, who