Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1861-04-12
Funnygrnv,llic.

B@- "You want nothing, do you9" said
Pat, "bedad, and if it's nothing you want,
you'll find it in the jug where the whisky
was"
Wf you and our sweetheart vote up.
on the marriage question, you for it and she
against it, do not fatter yourself as to its
being tie.
Fey Prentice says: 1.-THE editor of the
Sammy South boasts of q "visit from the
devil" We guess he'll return tho visit,
and make pretty long stay"
H@- An old farmer in Ohio was anxious
to have his pastor dismissed, and was asked
the reason. ''I've heard say" was the re-
ply, shat change of pastures make fat
calves, and I'm tor change"
s@rA western paper says:-"Wantcd at
this office, an editor who can please every
body. Also, foreman, who can so arrange
the paper as to allow every mans advertise
ment at the head Of the column"
p0rA printer, meddling with the verdict
of q coroner's jury, struck out comma
after the word "apoplexy," making it read
thus Deceased came to his death by ex.
cessive drinking, producing apoplexy in tn c
minds OF the jury"
CyThe Senator from Morgan, Mr.. Ian
ders, during one of tho debates on nation
al affairs at the late session of the Missouri
Legislature, made the following effective anG
highly Democratic speech:
mir. President: The Republicans wan
wah. If we don't concess, the Government
will dissoluto, and we'll have wah !"
Cool ON "DAp's' DEArH.-A rural you'll
was 10 Now York one day, and dropped cas-
ually into ahardware store. Longing through
| the store he came,to a large buzzsaw sus
pended sgainst the wall. Giving it raj
with his knuckles, producing sharp ring
he remark I'd to the store-keeper, who cam
up at that moment: 81 had an old dad rip
ped to pieces with one of them fellers last
week"
| No ssAxEs"-A lady in Boston, discover
ing that her trunk had been broken oper
and her valaables stolen, called in her ser
want, a negress of eighteen summers, and &C
cused her of having ''access to her trunk.
"Axes to your trunk" the indignant girl ez
claimed, 81 haveD't any axes and neve
had any. I've nothing but Ratchet t.
split kindlinss with The lady considere'
the girl too innocent to accuse any further
10y Young America was walking dow
the street with his father. and seeing strang
sort Of machine at the door of store, en-
quired what it was for.
81 an sure don't know" replied tn
father as they passed on.
MOI"
"Certainiy not.'
"Gusss d." said Johnny.
"Woll whss do you think it is for"
"Reokon it must be for SALE"
aG- A bright New York baby, just be
ginning 10 talk, was very observant of al
that passed around her. She saw gentle
man, with dog, enter house on the oppo
site side ofthe street. He shut the door an
left the dog without, who, by various canin
movements of scratching and whinir z, man
ifessed painful impatience Moved by hi
assertion and complaining, she thrust he
small face through the bars of her nurser.
window, and cried in a clear, earnest tone
Ing bell, dogge! Ing bell -
WoMeN AND WEDDINGS How women do ad
mire weddings-not their own, merely, bu
anybody's! How they throng to churches
s'just to see the ceremony~ Then what an
mated descrip tions Of the whole affair !
what glowing accounts of what the brid
chad on!' what criticisms of the bridemaidi
In short, what an immense amount Of sim
per, and giggle, and prattle-all because tw
inoffensive people are going, in legal ant
orderly way, to set up housekeeping Fun
nv isn't il 1!