Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-05-11

needn't have bundled up so of fine summer
morning began to mistrust that did not
look so well as | might, and the instant my
friends had departed, | made dash at the
mirror, and-well, marin, | don't mind tel
ling you that | was spectacle! Smut, ashes,
cinders, molasses with which had fed Mad
cline Antoinette, all mingled together on my
countenancc No wonder that Mrs. Jud-
kins' neuralgia troubled her certainly for
gave her for laughing, after one look at my
miserable frontispiece! Back went to the
kitchen. What scene of devastation /! julius
Caesar had smashed the sugar-bowl, knocked
the snout off the cotfee-pot, upset the tea
kettle on my pet dog, turned the wash-tub
over Madeline Antoinette, and was now seat
ed in royal state upon the top of the side
board, brandishing the poker, and telling
Madeline to stop her yelling. Remarkably
prccocious boy, that took him down from
his perch, and marin, spanked him. Yes,
spanked him. 1t was the best | could do
under existing circumstances"
"Yes, sir, do not doubt it l commend
your coursc?' said with sincerity.
Precisely Miss Hawthorne! Allow me
to repeat it. lou are a roman Of sense =
just the person for me, | am convinced
=, L
,cant a housekseper! 1t is no use to talk,
can't live another day without woman
about the premises I'm firmly persuaded
that the world is better off nth your sex
than it would be trithoH! I've said d good
deal against the institution, but l take it all
back If there had never been any woman
created, don't know as | should have cared
about being born! A great blessing! very
great, marin especially when there are chill
cn to be taken care ofn'
dr'' Yes; rather think you find it SO ~
answered shortly, a little vexed at the light
in which my new friend was disposed to re-
gard my sex.
"You are right as can abundantly testi-
fy; and now to come directly to the point,
you have been mentioned to me as a suita-
BILE person to fill the place of Mrs. Spriggins.
Mr. Hanson, my best friend, said to me yes
terday-" Kicker, get Miss Hawthorne she
is handsome, well l-educated gentcel and
young-.just the one for your And" bow
ing, :" / find all that my friend, Mr.. Hanson,
told me is true"
What woman but would have been pleased
at this compliment? L smiled graciously
and the gentleman clnched the argument.
Good wages, a pleasant home, the best
of society, and humble servant at your
command" and he hastcned to make me so
lowly an obeisance that his bald shining
crown came in contact with china card bas-
ket on the table, and his head being the har-
der of the two opposing elements, broke the
basket into fragments.
g Eth! an accident! purely an accident,
assure you!" cried the little man in a dep
recatory tone Of voice, feeling of his cranium
to make sure it was not cracked; "well Miss
Hawthorne, Eve laid my case before you,
what do you say 2"
"What is your name, sir?' if you please
and where do you reside ~
Name? all, a thousand pardons A
good joke, really didn't introduce myself?
An objectionable mistake, L assure YOU! =
Kicker, marin; James Kicker, Esq, Justice
of the Peace, and Attorney for Montgomery
County, at your service! Resident of Green
dell-second house beyond the bridget"
After some time spent in the settlement of
prelminarics which would fail to interest the
reader, it was decided that | should try my
skill at experimenting the domestic affairs
of James Kicker, Esq. l could easily leave
my house in charge of my aunt, who occu-
pied the adjoining tenement, and | had no
objection to working out for money, for For
tune had not seen fit to make me an heiress.
1t was six miles to Greendell, but with my
communicative friend the way seemed much
shorter. The house, which was to be my
scene of labor, was a pretty Gothic cottage,
with cinnamon rose-bushes in the front yard,
and two dirty, shock headed children on the
doorstep.
was duly ushered into the dwelling, and
ing oil leI I - I,.,4
to give a description of the plight i'm which,
perhaps some people might think me :" No-
mans Rights, agitator, and in that event it
would be unsafe for me to venture my head
outside the door. Therefore in awe of the
consequences, pass it over.
For the space of twenty-four hours, man
aged to get along peaceably. Julius Caesar
was too much occupied in making whistle
out of a chair-post, to pay any attention to
my operations; and so long as Madeline was
provided with dippe, of molasses she kept
quiet, You may believe that was quite
ready to keep good her supply to prevent
her astonishing vocal machine from giving an
exhibition of its power. The crying of a
child never could endure!
The morning Of the second day Of my SER
vitlde dawned, and with its first streak Of
light my misfortunes commenced. Madeline
refused the molasses quietusj and Julius Ces
sar evidently got out of bed wrong foot fore
most. Such bedlam as the place was till
breakfast time! Mr. Kicker declared he
should go distracted, and my head began to
feel as il squad of little furies was dancing
a jig upon it.
was busily engaged in washing the dish
es, when white hound came in at the open
door, and began moving around, Familiarity,
amid the pots and kettles. started after
him with the broom-stick, but before l could
exterminate him, in walked second, and
then third, and then fourth dog! After
that they came in so fast that did not pre-
tend to enumerate them. There was canine
army! Red, gray, black, yellow, white, and
rlng-streaked; terriers, poodles, bulldogs,
Newfoundlands, mastifs, and dozen other
breeds got up for the occasion. Yelping,
bowling, and barking, they came-like the
rush Of the mighty ocean Involuntarily |
found myself pharphrasing Pope: "Pups
peep DER pups, and dogs on dogs arise"
From whence did they come? and what
did it mean? In vain searched my mind
for solution Of the mystery. In the mean
time the dogs were making a thorough exam