Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1860-04-06
SCENE IN THE LIFE or A SNOWMAN.
BY ARTEMUS WARD.


masked & without no close on, &c he
must be stoopider nor ded kab hoss if
he duzzent stock his Branes with several
kinds of nollege.
The undersigned won't Boste, line
American sitterzun. l go in for the
fast-saline, snug built Il full-manned |
skewner United States, which runs her
SELF she duz, & on whose decks l man
is as good as another man, and frequent |
ly moore so if he conducts himself strate.
To use Shakespeerian fraze, line ma
tive g. to the manner born, & don't want
to put on airs cimply becawse I've met
with CRATE sucksess in the show per-
feshun (Which I've bin into goin or p
years.) My worthy progenitors was
unable to give me cussycal eddycation,
& all nose pickt up
AS l sailed, as saled,'
to kwote from Captain Il. Kidd, the
selebrated pirut. But thank Hevn my
sire 81 stress gave me good name, & l
pint with feelins of pride and pleshure
to the fack that nun of our family was
evir in Congriss or on the New York
perlice, or Arms House Guvner.
The ensoouin seen in my checkerd
karreer is respectfully submitted:
wIMIN's RITES.
pitcht my tent in small town in In
fanny one day last season, and while |
was standin at the dore takin mummy, a
deppytashua of ladies came up & sed
tha was members of the Buncumvill
Female Moral Reform & Wimmin's
Rites Associashun, and they axed me if
they Good go in without pyain.
Not egzactly,' sees ], but you can
pay without goin in
DO you know who we are !" sed one
of the wimmen, tall and feroshus look
in crittur, with blew cotton umbreller
under her arm do you know who we
are sur !?
:My impreshun is sed /, from a
kursery view, that you are females
We are, SUR sed the feroshus wo-
man we belong to a society which be-
1-a..o. ,-;r,,,;v, Lo, ,;tae u,k;ob halaayas
in raisin her to her proper speer-whicl
believes she is endowed with as muct
intelleck as man is-which believes SHIT
is trampild on & aboosed-& which vii
resist hens4th & 4ever the incroachment:
of proud g. domineerin man!
Durin her discours, the xcentric female
grabd me by the coat-kollar & wa
swingin her umbreller over my he'd.
1 hope, marm,' sez |, startin back
that your intenshuns is honorable I'm
a lone man, here in a strange place. Be
sides, I've wife to hum
Yes cride the female, & she's
s-l-a-v-ei Doth she ever dream of free
dom-doth she never think of throwi
off the yoke of tyranny, & thinkin,
speakin & votin for herself? Doth sh
never think OF these here thinks?
Not being a natral born fool sed
by this time little riled, ! can safel
say, that she dosunt.'
oh, whot-Whot p screamed the f
male swingin her umbreller in the al
oh, whot is the price that woman pa,
for her xperiense y"
Il don't know marm, sez |, 'the pri'
to my Show is Is cents pur indivi
ooul'
& can't our Society go in free ? as
ed the female.
Not if l know it, sed /.
Crooil, crooil man p she cride Sc bu
into tears.
Won't you let my darter in ? 5
another of the xcentric wimin, takin 4
affectionately by the hand. Oh, plea
let my darter in F? Shoes sweet gust
child of natur
Let her gush! roared i, as mad
Good stick at their tarnsl nonceni
let her gush ?
Whereupon they all sprung back W
the simultaneous observation that | "
Beest.
My female frends,' sed l, be4 y
leeve, I've few remarks to remark; "
them well. The female woman is |
the greatest institooshuns Of which t
land kin boste. It's impossible to
along without her. Had there been
female wimmen in the world, / sh(
scarcely be here with my unparale
show on this very auspishus occash
She is good in sickness-good in W
ness-good all the time. She is g
thing to have in The house. Oh, W
man, woman ? l cride, my fee