Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1860-06-28

~>'' t'"' nOt ''e "e0, - e5a'L' llF
your last guess"
Caught"
"No," said S., you're wrong again; and
you've lost your wager"
"Well" /" said the Doctor, with much pctu.
lance Of manner, chow the d-docs lie spell
it?"
"Why, he spells it c, A, T." replied s..
with the utmost gravity. Amid. the roar o;
the mess, and almost choking with rage, tho
Doctor sprang to his feet exclaiming, Capt.
s., am too old a man to be triae,l with in
this manner"
a LoNa TINE Up.--The steamer s., COM
mandod by Captain s., exploded several years
ago with terrible effect, and burned to the
waters edge. Captain S. was blown into the
air, aightng near floating cotton bale, up
on which he aoated uninjured, bu. much
b.ackencd and mudded. Arrived at vii
age several miles below, to which news Of
the disaster had preceded him, he was accos.
ted by the editor o! the village paper with
whom he was well acquainted, and eager for
an item:
q say boy, is the s. blown up
"Yes."
"Was Capt S. killed."
"No, ! am Capt s."
"Ihe thunder you are! How high were
you blown"
"lIgh enough to think of every mean
thing ever did in my life, beiorc came
down here"
The editor started on raa for l.is Office
the paper was about going TO press, and 10.
wishing to omit the item of intelligence fur
the next issue, two weeks off, wrote as fol-
lows:
The steamer S. has burst her boiler, as We
learn from Capt s., who says he was up
long enough to think or every mean thing he
ever did in his life before he it, VIZ scrrcrc
he was up about three months.
Q. Which Of tho three great novelists Of
present day writes most-~-Lytton, Warren,
Dickens?
A. Dickens.
@. Why?
A. Warren whites Now and Then, Lyt-
ton Might and Morning." Dickens "All the
Year Round"
When Lord Erskine heard that somebody
had died worth two hundi cd thousand pounds
he observed, "Well that's very pretty sum
to begin the next world with"
"What do you asl, Cor that ar!;.q?" 10
quired Obcdiah Of a young Miss.
Fifteen shrlngs."
"Ain't you little dear2"
"Why," she replied blushng, al! the
Young men tell me 30"
lie came straigh. away
Some gentlemen were dining together a: Il
house in n York, and in the course Of the
conversation, one Of the company Frequently
used the word Tory; the gentleman at whose
house they dined, asked Inn.
pray, Mr., what is a Tory2" ;Io
replied
"a Tory is thing whose head IS in Eng
land and its body in America, and its nccl,
ought to be stretched"
According to the old mythology, Neptune
the sea god created tho horse, and was L."
patron of horse races This probably &C
counts for the fact that people who patron
izo the racc-course no frequently &c, half
seas over"
A printer, meddling with the verdict of
coroner's jury struck ont q comma after the
word "apoplexy" making it read thus:-'Dc-
ceased came to his death by excessive drink.
ing producing n2oplcxy in the minds OF the
jury
Prentice says:-'An eastern editor uai,,-
taking to describe Us personally, says or
nose is not intellectual. We don't suppose
it is Our brains are not in H."
In the parish register at Glammis, there is
the following curious entry, dated 1876
"Nae preaching here this Lord s-day-tl.c
minister being at Gortachy, burning witch. "