Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-09-07
NO. 26
Tit for Tat.
BY BLANCHE BRANDON,

who wear their straw -colored trcsscs colnbcd
from their forheads to display the bumps for
which cphrcnologist has given them credit,
and whose brains are stuffed with quantity
OF Latin ofwhich they never intend 70 make
the slightest use, are generally much given to
the writing of paragraphs, sketches, and
pamphlets, all setting forth the duty Of women,
very distinctly; containing severe structures
ON fashionable females who cannot compete
successfully with pfofesscd cooks in the cul-
mary line, or who were not educated for
laundry maids. Eloquently will they write of
the fair one who prefers the wash-b board to the
piano, and who had far rather clean the knives
than 60 to the opera. And touching indeed
are their own experiences, setting forth the
fact that they have passed with dislain Au-
gusta Belinda, who writes poetry and plays
the harp; Caroline Amanda, who waltscs
divincy and wickcdly reads novels: Char
lotte Louisa, who is brilliant in conversation
and lovely in person, and honorcd by the
gracious proffer Of their own hands and hearts
tho sensible Flora Matilda, who, though the
daughter Of a millionaire, scnsibly spends her
days in the back kitchen making candles or
frying sausages. And with what gusto viii
they repeat the oft-told tale of tho rainy
evening on which they called on one young
lady and found her taking nap on the sofa,
en- deshabille, and went away disg,,stcd- called
on another and found her in full dress, mend.
ing the famiy's soilcd linen, and fairly CHR
rnping with joy because the weather was
gloomy, and as before, rewarded said indus:
trious young female by making her Mrs.
Smith. In short to read the illusions Of these
young gentlemen, you would imagine that
the chief end of women was to cook mans
food and do up" his clothes, and that her
only reward was the privilege Of being legally
authorized to attend to the particular pultlings
and buttons of one Of the stcrner sex; and Of
course You would come to the conclusion that
they themselves were immaculate and per
tcctly az tat in the duties Of housekeeping
What mistake You would makc Those
very men who speak so elOqucntly on the
subject, are really as ignorant as NO many
Golillas. Marketing, for instances. is-at least
in New York-a mans province. II ought
to bc the first part of a youths education. -
What man is fit to be the protector Of deli
cate woman, liable at any moment to dyspcp-
tia, until he can tell tough beef from tender,
or knows the exact point at which potatoes
. become too old and sprouty to be eaten p
, Can any one call himself accomplished until
nc can choose watermelon properly? Ger.
tainly not. And yet my dear, should YOU
foolishy wed Fitz Jenkins, who can write so
fcclingly on woman's household duties. how
you would suffer Your breakfast table
would be rendered frightful by the odor Of
stale eggs; you would find worm III the
cabbage the mutton would be three e-quarters
bono and one quarter gristle; and the coffee,
alas would turn out to be the vilest com
pound Of beans and chicory. He would buy
I, apples of different kinds to make sauce Of,
I, and bring home "squashy" tomatoes and
Strawberries, which cling suspiciously togcth-
er at the bottom Of the basket, and your mind
> would be pleasantly diverted when you had
company, by endcavoring to decide whether
, the meat you had placed before them was old
veal or young beef. Nothing could ever teach
him the difference between soaked and smoked
mackercl and he would be possessed with
the idea that strong butter was most agreea.
bic, and that cheese ornamented with blue
spots was rare delicacy. The young wo.
; man who sacrifices herself to such person
, can never expect TO enjoy herself.
Another of mans duties is the capab;ltv
of properly hooking up DRESS Men may
! object to this on the ground of want of on.
+ portunity to learn; but surely they have at
least the same facility for acquiring such in.
3 formation as we poor girls have for learning
to patch inexprcssibles or mend suspcnders.
A properly broughtup husband is always
, able to hook his wife's dress and lace her
6 gaitcr boots. H
Next in order, perhaps, we may mention
. baby-tending. A wife who is always making
: puddings, mast have husband who can hold
! the babies meanwhile, and in this accomp-
! lishment, am sorry to say, young men are
sadly deficient. Watch your suitor we'll
. Give him your little niece or nephew to take
care Of, and get out your notebook. If he
holds the child by one arm, or slings II over
his shoulder head downwards, or sticks Il
under his arm like an umbrella, or trots Il
furiously, or rumplcs its little skirts under its
arms, or loses Oft its sack, o. lets its csp slin
over its eyes, make resolution that you'if
never have him, for he is not fit to become
: the head Of family. On the contrary, II ho
holds it properly, jounces it gently, adminisI'
ters catnip at regular intervals, and never
makes it cry, take memorandum Of Il, los
: ne is "a properly educated young man. In
tact, the three duties Of man are marketing,
dress shocking, and baby tending; and ne
. who neglects these accomplishments for tho
study Of law, physic, or astronomy, the
!. arts and sciences, or music. deserves 10 lie
under our deep displeasure, and TO Be frowneA
upon by all sensible women. myself intend
to write thrilling continued story, in which
the heroine shall be fair young damsel. and
the hero tall young gentlemen who has
; failed to attend to the duties aforesaid, and
who, in the last chapter, shall mclodramatic-
ally bcwail his folly, a. he sees the lady whom
he adores depart from her nuptial tour With
young man who can market and hook
dresses, and whom she surprised one rainy
evening rocking his little sister, whlls h, tke
unfortunate rival, smoked cigars and read
Shakespeare. sai
The New York Tribune Of the 21st, says:
Blondin called at this Office yesterday, appa-
! rcntly none the worse for his recent roasting.
Tie is n little haired, wiry fellow, with I
keen blue eye, az bright and piercing as an
eagles. Ills grip is yicclikc in its fiTmncss,
and altogether he looks rs the Roman might
! who knows no fear. On the 10th or 18TH Of
J September he will commence his exploits at
, Jones's Woods, walking over 1000 feet
rope, stretched from masts 200 feet above the
ground. On the 20th inst, at the Falls he
, will cross over his rope at a O'Clock. with =