Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1860-08-18
SWANS Eggs.

Swans Eggs.
The itch for public Office for some place
in the gilt oil public men or parties, is pow.
erfulIy developed among our adopted citizens
from the Gem of the Ocean, but in none Of
them so strongly as those who were members
Of the Old, or Fernando Woods Police
Since the disbandment Of that force. its
members have, for the most part, been hang
ing around the public Offices, boring Com.
missloners, dogging head clerks, wayaying
contractors, button.holins men of supposed
influence, and, in all cases most piteousy
begging for another chance at the public
crlb-expecting, of course, no less thau some
fat sinecure, the chief duty required being
to draw monthly pay. One of this sort has
for some days past been prosecuting one of
the prominent foremen on the Central Park.
Morning, nUon, aud nght--at the Park, at
the house, in the car, at the corner, down
the street, anywhere, everywhere-this ON
nipresent beggar appeared. Any place
would suit--but the easier the better. He
had been policeman under the burly Mat
sell and the single.eyed Fernando, and had
a right to be leech upon the people all bis
life. Our foreman (tbe ColoneI) evaded
him, put him off, refused, lodged, denied
and-we grieve to Say-broke one of the
rules Of the Park all TO pieces by heartily
cursng his intoerable bore. 1t was of no
avail. A man who prefers begging for pal
try menial places, when he can earn an hon
est and independent living, is seldom insult
ed, and never driven off. Finally, in entire
despair. the Colonel undertook his cause
for the persistent bore bad followed him even
into his bathing-room.
well" said the Colonel, II don't know
but there is one Office that you might get,
if you would keep perfectly still but you
won't hold your tOunge."
"Yis, sure an will. Divil word will
they get from me at ALL"
"Mind, now, if you breathe whisper,
there will be FIVE hundred after the place"
ooh, never fear, Sure. Ifyou PLACE, what
is it 2"
"WelI, you know the swans that came
from Hamburg"
" Is it them big birds wild the long, crook,
ed necks ?"
"Yes. You know some of them died,
and now the Others are laying eggs. The
police carefully secure the eggs, and they are
soon to be hatched Do you know how
they hatch them p
'"They puts them under the ould bird,
sure"
"No, indeed. Swans never hatch their
own eggs. In Hamburg, they build soft,
warm nests in the bottom of box chairs, put
in the eggs, take the old soldiers of the army
who are superanuated, set them over the
eggs, give them plenty of tobacco, little
schnapps, newspapers, and books, and there
they situ the young swans appear. For
this work, however, they select the fattest
of the men, as possessing the greatest amount
of animal heat"
"Oh, Colonel, that's just the place for me-
I'm fat. ye see (weighs about goo lbs. J, and
I'll do it to charm"
"Can you write ?'
"A trihe, your honor"
"Thcn write as tell you"
"f0 the Hon the CoaruiiirOHtrj Of the Central Park.
"GENTLEMEN The undersigned, your petitioner
having served for several years as a police man
Under Mayor Wood, and feeling entirely compe
tent, both by size aud natural Incidence, to the
performance of all duties ofthe situation, mos
respectfully solicils from your honorable bod,
the appointment OF hatcher Of the swans egg
in the Central Park. And. as in duty bound
your petitioner will ever ever pray.
"Sigued, -"
Armed with this document this human
hen went forth to get, previous to present
ing his petition, the Endorsements Of Mayo
Wood Alderman Peck, Sheriff Kelly, anC
a score of leading politicians, who, accord
ing to his account, we're ready to do anythint
for him. Whether he has taken his incn
batting seat, we cannot tell /; but we venture
to guess that before the eggs are hatcheC
hn ~ III ha tnlnrahlu veil cnred of nlice. .henN