The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-06-20
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
- Good will, is got by many action
and lost by one.

= Where hard work kills ten, idloness
kills hundred mon.
= What is the best to prevent old
maids from despairingl Pairing.
- When an actor "brings down the
house," where does he take it to? p ia
= There is always best way to do
anything, if it be only to boil an egg.
- Why is the sun like Tom Saycrs!
Because it goes down at every round.
= Three men have started for Pixies
Peak with a party of fifteen girls. li
- A splendid ear but a very poor
ooice, ms the organ-grinder said to the
donkey. if7aol af 't'sa
- The Philadelphia Journal says
Lincoln is Seward without Stewards
brains.
= a waggish fellow asks if trade
wind is the same thing rs financial
storml .e-........
- What foundations of life and thought
arc discharged from one soul into another
through the eye.
- A cobbler ought TO become per
feet man before he dies, for he is all the
while mending.
= A Frenchman wishing to compli-
ment girl as little lamb" called her
small mutton"
= Why is tender-hearted person like
house-keepcr with little furniture? Be
cause he is easily moped.
Why is cannon ball on level plain
like lump of bakers dough! Because
when fired it generally ends in roll.
- More than double the usual num-
Der of acres have been sown with wheat
this year in Minnesota, we sec it stated.
The mischievous winking of beau
tiful coquette, from under pretty hood,
Prentice thinks is pleasant kind of
winking.
: Why is man paying his note at
the bank like father going to see his
children9 Because he meets his respon-
Sibilities.
= A Scotch girl, with two distinct
noses, lately passed through Detroit on
her way west. How she escaped Bar
mum is n miracle.
- A st. Louis market report states
that "whisky has downward tendency"
Whisky always has a d" downward tenden-
cy" when topers get hold of it.
= Scrofula among children, n medical
authority informs us, often proceeds from
the habit Of sleeping with the head cover
ed with tho bed clothes.
= 1t is said that the Tartars invite n
man TO drink by pulling his ear. A good
many of our people "will take pull"
without having their cars pulled.
= The question is discussed in some
of the Missouri papers whether raising
hemp is good business. A much bet
ter business than being raised by it.
= 1t is q great blurder in the pursuit
of happiness not to know when we have
got it; that is, not to be content with a
reasonable and possible measure of it.
A man was offered glass of soda
water, the other day, but he rejected it
with great Indignation. ado YOU think
l am Salamander," said he, "to drink
water bilin' hot?"
A few days ago negro, after gaz-
ing intently at the japanese now in Wash
ington, exclaimed, " If dc white folks is
dark as dat out dare, l wonder what's dc
color Of dc niggersW
= The Chicago Press says that Lin
coin has large mouth, is great eater
and never drinks. 1t takes just such q
mouth and appetite, when man is very
dry to swallow the Chicago platform.
- An old lady was asked by a par
son to what religious denomination she
belongedl "I don't Know" she replied
"and l don't care anything about your
nominations; for my part, hold on tc
the old meetin'- house."
"By Jove! Harry, / was deuced
sorry to hear that you had broken youl
arm. l suppose it panied you awfully,
didn't itp Yes, but it wasn't the pain,
old boy-oh, no! 1t was being deprived
: of wearing my hands in my pockets which
! broke mo down"
= Bathing, in Liberia may be very
pleasant, but must be little risky. A
recent paper from the colony states that
negro woman, who went into the water
for bath was suddenly "taken in out Of
the wet" by an alligator. The yoracious
monster devoured the colored lady with
out any dressing.
= A block of silver ore, estimated tc
weigh five hundred pounds, has been Ia
ken out solid from new mine discovered
by tho Stone surveying party, as con
tribution to the Washington Monument
Mr.. White, the sutlcr, at Fort Buchanan
having generously offered to delray The
entire cost Of transportation.