Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1860-10-31
A Dutchman in Trouble Rich Sketch
By WILL RAYMOND.

One afternoon, about year since, was
comfortably seated after hard days la
Dor, heels over the CRATE. and ciger in
mouth, thinking Of matters and things in
general, and Of the fair partner who dane
ed that last set" with me, in particular,
when my privacy was intruded upon by
short but stout individual habited in
coarse shoes, corduroy ppnts, of ample
pattern, and "brass coat with blue but
tons" Imagine to yourself the owner of
these habiliments, and 10 his outfit very
small cap and a very large moustache, al
so, pipe with a crooked stem and bow
capacious enough to contain half pound
of fire cut at least, and you will probably
arrive at the same conclusion | did, name
ly that the intruder was oe the Teutonbc
persuasion He appeared to be some-
what excited, and without any unnecessa-
ry fcrmality, removed his pipe, and broke
in abruptly with "Er you der man what
brints der newspapers"
Not exactly" said /, "but If you wish
to favor the public with communication
on any subject, ! will perhaps be able to
accommodate you"
''Yaw, dat is goot said he, "vell den,
dells you. Ven cooms to dis guntry /
works on a farm dirty miles. One time
der old man sends nit me to town some
dings for the mark ket-hause, und stops at
der tavern round der CORNER to get some
lager; unit dere shpoke NIT lutfiy Amer
ican fraulein, unit ge:s IN love nit her,
unit dels her got Il goot farm dirty mile,
unit AK her if she luff me sometimes, unit
she say yaw unit gets married init her
one time next week. Dat is goot. Ven
she 90 nit me to der guntry unit fints
got no farms she get mad like tousand
devils, unit gals me a Deutch hoombug,
unit dells me ! cannot sleep NIT her roomy
and dreats me so bad dells her she don't
luff me any more dimes. Den | goes like
tam fools unt sphents eighty tollars NIT
good clothes unit prng hupes unit dngs,
and all der times she don't love me yet,
but goes erway in der night dimes while
shleeps out doors nit der barn. Next day
| cooms here in der wagon, unit | meets
her Oh der road we're she gifts tired NIT
walking, und dakes her in, unit ven she
rides she luffs me some more, But ven
she cooms to der tavern nit me she laughs
unit calls me greeny, unit says | might go
home unit eat some more sourkrout. Veil
den, mein Gott, gets mad NIT her"
mo doubt" said I, ''uly friend. But
what do you expect me to do in the mat
ter? If she has made up her mind not
to love you after, spending eighty dollars
for hoops and things l don't see how it
can be remedied."
"Vell, den," said he, 81 dells you. You
brint in der baper dat nopody drusts her
any more times nit me, unit bays no
more moneys. Ven gets him, hey?"
what is your name ~ said !. Where
do you want a paper sent~
"You send him to Hans Schneider,
windt, in der post Office, unit gets him."
prepared tho notice, read it to him,
and taxed him dollar, without eliciting
any other comment than 'Yaw, dat is
goot. shpends ono oder dollar, but gifts
married nit tam Yankee frau no more
dimes Mein Gott" He then took
from his capacious vest pocket matchy
lighted his pipe, and took his departure,
smoking with vigor which hope COM
soled him.