Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1860-07-19
[From the LaSae (Ill) Press
A Short Sermon to " Douglas Worship.
pers"
By WHASG DOODLE.


And devout men carried Stephen TO his burial and
made great lamentation oYr him.-Acts will ,.
Ny dear Douglas brethren | intend to
talk to you at this time, about the folly and
sinfulness of worshipping man. The heather
bow to images of wood and stone and some
worship uuclean beasts. But we of this gen.
Grafton have been guilty Of the meanest idol
airy of all in worshipping little lump of cor
rupt flesh aud blood. called Stephen, now de-
funct A few weeks ago, when we lateued
our vessels with rum and whisky for oar breth-
ren, who were sent as missionaries to the port
of Charleston, in the foreign land cf South
Carolina, to preach the gospel Of Dred Scott
and Popular Sovereignty and gave them gold
and silver wherewith to buy their bread and
meat, our departed friend was full of promise,
and high uplifted as the god of Democracy,
and all who would fall down and worship him
should have their reward. But, alas ! our
brethren have returned TO US with nothing bue
his unSeemly carcass. Ind derOpt men ear
ried Stephen to his burial, and nsadt great lam
entRtl0H 0rsr h2m'
And it came to pass, when our chief priests
and elders were gathered together in conyeR-
ton at Charleston, that many of the heather
of that region would not fall down and wor-
ship our golden calf Aud we said unto them
they were wrong that the golden calf would
grant them many indu!gences he would give
them Bour bon whisky, apple jack and red-eye
as beverages and had promised nine hundred
and ninety thousand foreign missions, post
Offices and custom houses and take fve hun.
dred old fogies into his cabinet But all this
would not avail Nary bowel of compassion
could be moved within them, and therefore our
brethren returned unto US " And der0ut msa
cQrried SiePAea 10 his J&r!ai, aad made great
amentatl0R Oyrr Inn"
And the disciples of Stephen spake unto
them, saying, that theg did not care whether
nigger: were voted upside down, or doInside
up, it made no difference But they were re-
belliou2 and declared that we must get the
| UiSgeg out Of the fence and protect them ia
.he Territories where there are no fences but
We couldn't do it. We referred them to Free
port, where Stephen gpake of " unfcieudly Lex.
/ giaiation," bat they didn't care red for the
Police Magistrate Of tRc Territories, but would
, pasture their niggers there, on Uncle Sans
farm. They wouldn't let Us put feGce Of un-
/ friendly legislation around them and because
We wouIdn't give the niggers pasture, they
waxed with wrath, and Stephen gave mp the
ghost Ind der0at men carried Stephen 10
his bar;al, aad maGe great lamcatatioa orer
HIM
In vain, cur brethren promised to erect
false bottomed platform, to delude the heather
with tricks of legegdemain Oh, the d" ire
preSslble conflict e. 1t squeezed Our poor lit
tie Stephen so hard, that gout nor influenza
need trouble him more They cast rocks upon
him The lions roared at him. The eagle
"quivered his tail at him in proud defiance"
Old Buck shook his horn at him. The niggers
shook their wool and laughed at him, because
the " Ral-mauler" received more votes FROM
| Suckers than he did. And oRr one hundred
and f(ty-teo and kalC brethren stood By and
saw him crushed cut, GGd bewailed their
empty pockets and the loss of the good things
promised them. " Ind d:rout men carried
Stephen 10 his JRIiIl, AID mQGe great lameAfa-
fi0a 0rer him.
And now, in conclusion, my dear Douglas
brethren know it Is hard for US TO believe
that Stephen is suuffed up. We cannot real
ize it, But ii is even So We never shall be-
hold his coat tail dragging on the ground any
tnore, Its beautiful folds have been wrapped
around his wounded seat of honor, and he has
been lain at rest. The irrepressible conflict
has dealt him g smasler on the Lob, and his
voice will no longer charm us with the beauti-
ful song of Popular Sove-e;s ;sQty. Therefore
cease your blubberinS of Stephen. There is
yet hope of salvation for Us. There is plank
still left for us poor shpwrecked sinners to
cling te, Oar brethren north and south
already stand upon it. Though the heather
have denounced it as q relic Of barbarism, yet
oue elders in the great council of the natioa
say it is a good one. We will go to that land
of blessed saiats in Utah, where it is fenced in
aad shout for old Mrs. Polly Gamy There,
reposing on her bosom, we will bury all our
sorrows for the immaculate Stephen, who was
so shamefully martyred at Charleston Let him
rot in peace
Farewell, then 20 poor old Stephen,
The famous Charleston martyr;
For he lied so, couldn't believe him
And We won't go tumblng after.