The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1860-10-11


year was true to his love, N d studied
only for him; then ! began to love
knowledge for its own sake,
The rules of the school were not
strict and ! mingled in the many gay
scenes in the homes of my schoolmates.
They called me bcautiiul--and perhaps
might have been n dark beauty for
my skin was olive, and my hair and
eyes jctty as y Spanish maiden's but
| admired blondes, Still | rejoccd
thGt was bcautitul-but only then for
Ilarry's sake.
Fora time turned an Indifferent car
to all adulation, and they called ne cold
and scornlul, yet redoUbed their efforts
to win my favor But as time passed
on, the memory Of Harry faded; | lis
tened to my praise more willingly. and
began to realize and glory in my
power.
Many u hattorng tale | listened TO
from the brothers, cousins, on friends,
ofmy companions, told with ta'terng
voice, and with the true heart speak
ing in the eyes but | passed through
all scathIcss: cared TO- the admira
ton Of all in general, Of none in partic-
uIar. And | won for myself the uncn-
viabc name Of coQuctlc.
| seldom thought Of Harry now; bus
when did, with coldneSs and indiilrr-
cnce, aud every day grew more vain
and worldly,
One morning received Il foreign let
ter. 1t was from Harry though did
not think o. him as Harry now, but as
Captain Cleveland 1t was the first
and on y letter received from him since
| his departure for there were not the
facilities for correspondence then as now
aud letters were uncertain and unirc.
quont
1t was like himself 1t expressed
the deepest affection for me; spoke Of
| the c--ourtuturc--wlthc confidence
and with many fond anticip0tlons -
There was not fear doubt, an ap-
prchension. Our marriage was 4 set
tied thing, TO take place on his return,
which he hoped would be in less than
two ycaS; and detailed many little
plans Of pleasure for the future.
50 fond 30 noble; trusting and true;
il did not, ~ ore might think, bring
me to my senses, and to appreciate the
Great heart had won but 1t carried u
dreadful chill and horror to my heart
| Nv conscience Smote me kecEly. !
read the letter through once. | could
scarc ccly for my life have done 40 again
| was not heartlcss. The letter eX-
pressed what was to him, and | felt :
great pity for his disappointment. lie
had closed his heart to al the tarcina-
tons OF beautiful maidens smiling Ell
couragingIy upon him in foreign ports,
for my unworthy sake. Night after
night, as he paced the lonely dr k, his
thoughts had flown homeward to 4 {. !
was his star in the home .hOrizon-and
only to that star would he look for
light IN his onward way.
Yet though | felt all this, shuddcred
when | asked myself il J could not
marry him? | did not love him l
could not give myself to him.
TO stifo the things Of conscience, |
leproachcd him, Il man, with tetLcrinGa
mere child by promise. How was it
possible that u girl Of siXtceu should
know her own miud, SO young,~o imma-
ture? He ShouId, Of his superior age,
and wisdom, have known better. BE.
sides, marIya ,tranger-tor would he
not in reality be y stranger, unseen, IN
heard from save once, for four years
s. old, too There was too great Il dIN-
parity in age to admit Of Il union ; lor
60 the girl of ci Ihtecn, the man Of %
seemed aged.
brought to my aid, also, Il cold and
sclish-but which called scnsiblc and
neccsSary-reaSoning. asked myself
il would be right and wise, even il l
could love him, to unite iIyacli to Il
man who would be absent from me
three.iourths Of his life, involving me
in constant fears and anXletcs for his
safety, unless, on the contrary, l for
sook all, and dwoIt alone with him up
on the SEA. The sacrifice would be too
great. Neither was ! rcady-nor
should ! be ready for year5-to give up
my freedom
For weeks and months the letter
haunted me. The thought OF bis com
ing, and what he would claim, filled me
with dread and aversion. 1t came up
to me to destroy my pleasure in every
scene of gayety. low should receive
him. What should / say? How
would ho take it? How look ! |
shrank like guilty coward from the
trial.
1t flashed upon me like IL ray ofiight
in my distress, that could spare my
self this trial. could write to him.
would do it. Aud yet shrank from,
and delayed the task rs long AS posi-