The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1860-09-05
A Bad Bargain, But a Good Joke.


Old Col. W, formerly well known
character in one of the Eastern cities, was
remarkable for but one passion out of The
ordinary range of humanity, and that was
for buying at auction any little lot of lrum-
perry which came under The head "miscel-
laneous," for the reason that it couldn't be
classified. Though close-fsted in general,
he was continually throwing away his mon-
ey by fves aud tens upon such trash. In
this way he had filled all the odd corners
in his dwelling house and out houses with
a collection of non .descript articles, that
would have puzzled philosopher 10 tell
what they were made for or to what use
they could ever be put This, however,
was but secondary consideration with the
Colonel; for he seldom troubled his head
about such articles after they were once
fairly housed
Not SO with his wife, however, who was
continually demonstrating against these pur-
chases, which served only 10 cluuer up the
house, and as food for the mirth of the do
mestics. But the Colonel, though he often
submitted 10 these remonstrances of his
better half, couldn't resist his passion SO
he went on adding from week 10 week to
his heap of miscelIanies.
One day while sauntering down the street,
he heard the full, rich tones of his friend
c., the well-known auctioneer, and of
course stepped in 10 see what was being
sold. On The floor he observed collection
that looked as though it might have been
purloined from the garret of some museum,
around which motley group was assem-.
bIed while on the counter stood the portly
auctioneer, in the very height of mock in
dignation, demonstrating with his audience.
''Nine dollars and ninety cents I' cried the
auctioneer. "Gentlemen, it is a shame, it
is barbarous 10 stand by and permit such
sacrifice of property Nine dollars and
ninety-Good morning, Colonel! magnif-
icent Observation-Disclosures all going
for nine dollars and ninety cents. Gentls-
men, you'll never see another such lot
| and all going going-for nine dollars and
ninety cents. Colonel W, can you
! permit such sacrifice 2"
The Colonel glanced his eyes over the
lot, and then with a nod and wink assured
him he could not. The next insian; the
hammer came down, and the purchase was
the Colonel-s, at ten dollars. AS the articles
were 10 be paid for and removed immedi-
ately, The Colonel lost no time in getting
car, and having seen everything packed up
and on their way TO his house, proceeded TO
his own store, chuckling within himself that
nolU at least he had made a bargain at
which even his own wife couldn't grumble.
In due time he was seated at the dinner
liable, when lifting his eyes, he observed
cloud upon his wife's brow.
'WelI, my dear 2" said he, inquiringly.
"WeIl 2" repeated his wife; ''it is not
irel, Mr.. W; am vexed beyond endurance.
| You know c. the auctioneer 2"
"Certainly," replied the Colonel; and
very gentleEanly person he is ioo.'
"You may think So" rejoined the wife,
"but don't, and III tell you why. a few
days ago got up all the trumpery with
which you have been cluttering up the
house for the last twelve months, and sent
IL ~ MI WIN W scit lhS lOh
Immediately to the highest bidder for cash.
He assured me be would do so this week at
fartherest, and pay over the proceeds TO my
order. And here I've been congratulating
myself on two things first, of having got
rid OF a most intolerable nuisance and
secondly, on receiving money enough there
for 10 purchase that new velvet hat you
promised me so long ago. And now What
do you think This morning, about an hour
ago, the whole lot came back again, with
out word Of explanation %
The Colonel looked blank for moment,
and then proceeded 10 clear up the mystery.
But The good WOW was pacifeG only by the
promise of ten dollar note beside that in
Ia s..anAs OF the auctioneer; on condition
however, thai DE should never mention il.
OF course she kept her word!