New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1860-08-02
rOCTOR PIERCE.


the pretty if not pertinent name OF University.
ThedispensatOn Of alphabetical honors had already
bee, so general that until last week. Mr. F. Pierce
wa, the only notorious worthy who had been
neglected But Dartmouth College, Mother Dear
of Daniel Webster and Rufus Choate-she has
annual funeral services for the latte Dartmouth
College. over which DR.. Lord bears sway, and in
the closters of which he, by sunlight and lamp.
6pht. at ctIy meditates the History Of the Jews as
II illustrates negro-owuing and negro-catcbing,
neerovending and neQrO-breedmg Dartmouth Col.
|, pe has beneyOlently made Mr.. +. Pierce Doc
tor The authentic skin, with the orthodox HERO
plypbics the proper dab of wax the Lord sgn.man-
ual, and the bit of blue ribbon, has been forwarded
to the new Doctor, who has, ere this, recovered
from his bushes, and ordered neat frame and
glass for the document. Our readers will be
anxious to know in what particular line DIR.
Pierce means to win new hOnors-wbether he viii,
as Doctor of Medicine, devote himself to short
proft ssiopal journeys with bis lancet n his pocket
and his saddle bags stuffed with Compound Rhu.
barb Pills and Mercural Observation-Disclosures he
will. as a Doctor Of Divinity, coBspire with the
Rev. President Lord to bring out new expOst'Ons of
the Sacred MISREPRESENTATION, as Doctor of
Philosophy, he will favor the world with fresh
edition tf Artist, tls--wbetber, as a Doctor Of
Music, be will write that great American Opera
for which go many long ears and light fddle-sticks
are waiting. In order that only reasonable ex-
Rotations may be entertained, we hasten to in
form our readers that DR.. Pierce 10 simply
a Doctor of Laws. Why Dartmouth Col
leQe has impressed him into this special
service, we really cannot say. For, in the
Grst place, we should have supposed that in
the opinion of President lord, all laws, or at least
al of any consequence, were perfect from the Law
efMo.es down to the Runaway Negro act. 1t IL
really of interest for the people of New hampshire
to know what statutes are unwell, and need DR..
Piprces prescriptions. VIII he attack the Common
Law, or the Civil Law, Orthe Statute Law VIII
he begin with bowl of sat-and- water for the Adj
niralty1 Will he commence by purgng the
Special Pleaders out of their chrouc muddlel
VIII he first take in hand the judges, the lawyers,
the clerks, or the cTiersl VIII be attend ell ses
sions of The Legislature, and, after the manner of
Mrs. SaueeIs, administer, three times in week,
q tablespoonful Of phur and mOlasses to
avery sage? Is be appointed to doctor sim
ply human laws or have we at last physi
clan capable of doctoriDg those divine laws
which may have been well enough in tho in-
fancy of creation, but which the world has
long since outgrownl Like that other Old PhysI-
clan, whose sands of life, &C., will he simply send
a prescription, or will he attend his patients, the
law. manufacturers, personally Is he for heroic
doses, or does he favor peletsl VIII he adopt the
syettm Of killing or the system of curing 2 orwill
he, like many erudite practitioners, adopt hui
name medium, and simply half Kill or half cure'
These are important questions. They are none
the less important because DR.. Pierce has hereto
fore practced in a somewhat irregular manner,
and although he had pretty large connection ADD
was as omDjpotent as Msgendie, in the Govern
mont Hospital at Washington, We cannot say that
we ever knew any law to be- the better for his doc
toring at that time, although be confined him
self exclusively to Office practice, he seems to have
bad but single remedy, whatever might be the
d, ease. He was SangradO OF simplicity, COM
pared with D.. Rush of Philadelphia, who
blsoded and physicked the yellow fever. DIP. Rush
had ttro remedies-Dr. Pierce had but ono. Dr.
Rush sent his patients out Of the world in deli
quinn and savation-Dr. Pierce improved upon
that method, by simply knocking them on the head.
We cannot help thinking this to be the better
method. There is nothiog like qaantuTI su6. of
Veto 10 quiet a troublesome statute DR.. Napoleon
BoDaparte tried large dOses Of opium in Egypt, and
found them very eficaoious 10 assuaging the pangs
of the wounded, none Of whom have been to this
DAY aroused from thsr sumbers. DR.. Andrew
Jocsson, the father Of the chOol, although he
was not the first to uss tho Veto was She first to
introduce it rs panacea. DR.. Pierce studied
with him, profted by his lessons, and although so
long regarded az no better than an empiric he has
now the satisfaction of finding his system legally
recognized by the Ssnatus Aeaderacus of Dart
mouth College.
He has indeed, but one rival 10 his new busi.
ness. J. B. is also Doctor of Laws; nor is Il
possible to regard him as q sec)nd-rate practi.
toner. He studies ease with beautifully CIVIL
Ike solemnity, makes up his diagnosis with credit
able velocity aud kills his patient with sang
froid which tie pepper-and-obsla Doctors might
envy. lie has in spite of his years and probable
sex, no anile preference for slops He has that
conyictiop-without which, as all the world knows,
there was never yet good physician--tbat it is
better to kill than to cure; and he has given the
best possible proof Of his sincerity by very nearly
killing himself He, too, will soon retire to pri-
yate practice; and, AS be win have no laws to doc
tor, he viii BE- able to give his entire mind to the