Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-05-04


get out of church great deal better if there
was not quite so much hustle at the door
aTCuffy said he'd rather die in Il rail
road smash-up than q steamboat burst-up,
for this reason; ''If you gets off and smashed
up, dar you'is ; but if yon gifts blowed up
on de boat, whar is you ?"
Coop FOR BARABo oo.-The town clerk of
Daraboo (Wis.) has put out the following
under the dog law:
Bring your collars,
And your IS.
Ws1sHr FOR THE WAGoN.-There il, &C
c?rdiLg to the Newark Adgertiser, a man by
the name Of Will, in Monmouth county, N.
j., who weighs four hundred and seventy
two pounds he is lively evidence OF the
truth OF the adase that .'Wbere there's o
Will there's Weigh.'
~Mrs. Jones was highly delighted and
edited by view of the vessels on Long
island Sound towing their boats astern, and
exclsimed "lIow perfect are all the
works of nature Even the great big ships
have their little ones running along after
them just as playful rs lambs.'
e~A gentleman in the spring time Of
life, when walking with lady, stumbled
and fell. On his resuning his perpendIcu-
lar position, the lady remarked she was
'.sorry for his unfortunate Jaur pas III
didn't hurt my fore paws" said he, 81 only
barked my knees"
ewAnamboo, an African prince, visiting
England, received so many attentions from
celebrated belle of London, that in mo-
mept of tenderness, lie could not refrain
from laying his hands upon his heart and
exclaiming "Oh, madam il Heaven had
only made you negress, you would have
been irresistible! J"
~ A friend of ours has just returned
from the capital of neighboring State,
where he succeeded in lobbying a bill, in
which he was personally interested, through
the Legislature. "Well, did you per- uade
them to pas. your bill % We asked of him.
"Ye.," said he, pulling out his pocket-book,
II purse swoyed them."
BEAT TH1s.-C. Mcdowell, foreman of
this office, set 10000 ems in the forenoon OF
Monday ast!-Me Grsgor Times.
We shall not try to beat it; but we
think it can be matched. A young man in
this town set Up with one EN-" on the
evening of Sunday last. He thinks it was
not very hard work, and would like to re-
neat the performance West Union (Ioaca)
Rsriev.
R%Some one describes an editor as an
individual who reads newspapers, writes
articles on all subjects, sets type, reads
proof, works press, folds papers, prints jobs,
runs errands, SAWS wood, works in the gar
den. talks 10 all who call, receives blame
for many things he never does, works from
early dawn to dewy eve, and never collects
half his debts. Who would not be an
editor?
MT In a time of much religious excite
ment and consequent discussion, an honest
Dutch farmer on the Mohawk was asked
his opinion as to which denomination Of
Christians was on the right way to heaven.
"Vell, den," said he, wen we ride our veat
to ALBANY, some say dis road ish te best,
and some say dat but it don't mako much
difference which road we take, for ven we
oct dare dey never ask US vich way We
come and it's none OF their puisness-y
our wheat is goot!!'
wGorwge and Ami Maria are walking
arm. arm che rests upon him lovingly.
Time, sunset, sky gorgeous, drappled with
a black ground of apple green. Ami Ma
ria exclaims-s'Gorwge, how bootchitul the
sunset is do declare, it is more bootchi-
full than Church's Niagwa, or the Heart OF
Andlcs.' Gorwge replies with enthusiasm,
after an examination with his eye-glass.-
.sAw, ye.as-'tis positively chawming-pos.
itively. If could color my meerschaum
like that, should he perfectly happy"
NTHere is an arithmetical puzzle which
we clipped from an exchange:
II four dogs, with sixteen legs, can catch
twenty.nine rabbits, with eighty-seven legs
in four minutes, how many legs must the
same rabbit have to get away from eigh,
dogs with thirty two legs, in seventeen min
utes and halt z r.-g-f
The stat, ment will be-As the number
of legs is to the given number of feet, SO il
the nearness OF the first brush heap to the
aoswer and their safety required.
Cu1Ip1aKE IHNocEHcE.- o town not {
hundred miles from Boston, q bright littl'
girl Of Eve gears was recently standing by .
window, busily examining hair which sh'
had Just pulled from her head. "What ar
you doing, my daughter?" asked the moth
or, whose curiosity was excited by her cage
gaze. "I'm looking for the number, mam
ma" said the child "the Bible says tia
the hairs of our head are all numbered, ant
want to see what the number i, on this.'
ssM1ssEs HowR."-Ata tea party in low
City, q while ago, where those who hav
"benefit Of clergy" are privileged character
the 'tRev.'' Samuel Storrs Howe, frisk,
bachelor of over fifty winters, happened to b
presents usual. One of the ladies at th
table thought to enliven conversation b
addressing him upon the subject of his rt
Gently engaging in the business of house
keeping, i. e., setting up bachelors hall,
and asked how he got along, if he felt q
home, &c. 'sWhy, yes, ma'am," was II,
reply, ssI begin to feel q good deal in th
family way" The ladies bit their lipe, an
concluded the information was too good
keep feo,n their husbands !"-& Ch,wl
Intel, nsa ytigEuuc2 ei ui Tr fQ -set