The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1860-06-27
THE MAN WHO LOST HIS PANTS.

THE MAN WHO LOST HIS PANTS
The following is passage from the rich ar.
ticles which are embraced in the literary re-
mains of Willis Gaylord Clark, 1t is only.
necessary to promise that the writer is a Phil
adelphia student, who, after a fortnight among
the gayeties of a Washington "season," finds
himself (through the remissness of a chum,)
at Baltimore, on his way home, without a cent
in his pocket. He stops at a fashionable hotel,
nevertheless, where, after tarrying a day or
two, he finally, at the heel of a proud dinner,
onsnes solus, in his private apartment, fanked
with abundant Champagne and Burgundy, re-
solves to disclose all to the landlord. Sum-
moning a servant, he says:
aAsk the landlord to step I'D to my room,
and bring his bill"
He .clattered down stairs, giggling, and
shortly thereafter his master appeared.
He entered with a generous smile, that made
me hope for the best that his house afforded,
and that, Just then, was credit.
allow much do I owe you 2" said I. He
handed me the bill with all the grace of polite
expectancy.
.Let me see-seventeen dollars. How very
reasonable But, my dear sir, the most disa-
greeable part is now to be disclosed. I grieve
y to inform you that I am present out of money;
but I know, by your philanthropic looks, that
you will be satisfied when I tell you that, If I
had Il, I would give it to you with unqualified
pleasure But, you see, my not having the
change with me is the reason why / don't do
it; and I ann sure you will let the matter stand,
and say no more about it. I am a stranger to
you, that's a fact; but in the place where /
came from, all my acquaintance know me, as
easy as can be-"
The landlord turned all colors." "Where
do you live, anyhow? ?"
SIN Washing-I should say, PhiIadel-
pbias
His eye flashed with angry disappointment.
81 see how it is, mister my opinion is that
you are a blaekleg. You don't know where
your home is. You begin with Washington,
and then drop it for Philadelphia. You must
pay the bill"
"ButI can't"
"Then I'll take your clothes; if DOM blow
me tight"
"ScoundrelP said 1, rising bolt upright, "do
it if you dare Do it, and leave the rest to
me !" ss..4 u
There were no more words. He arose de-
liberately, seized my only inexpressibles, and
walked down stairs.
Physicians say that no two excitements can
exist at the same time in the system. Exter-
nal circumstances drove away, almost immedi-
ately, the confusion of my brain.
4 arose aud looked out of the window. The
snow was descending as I drummed on the
pane. What was / to do? An unhappy
wight, sans culotte, In a strange city; no money,
and slightly inebriated. A Thought struck me.
I had a large full cloak, which with my other
apportionments, save those he took, the and
lord had spared. dressed Immediately; drew
on my boots over my fair white drawers, not
unlike small clothes; put on my cravat, vest
and coat, laid a travelling cap from my trunk
jauntily over my forehead, and finging my
-oar4laE 1rooaf,11u aoboY,f ne 1oo1o INV
through the hall into the street.
Attracted by5shining lamps in the portico of
a new hotel, a few squares from my lodgings,
Tentered, recorded my name ON the the books,
and bespoke a bed. Everything was fresh and
neat; every servant was attentive; all argued
well. I kept myself closely cloaked, pulled a
cigar, and retired to bed to mature my plct.
aWaiter, just brush my clothes well, my
fine fellow" said I, in the morning, as he en-
tered the room; "mind the pantaloons-don't
spill anything from the pockets; there is mon
eyin both.
aIdon't see no pantaloons."
"The devil you don't! Where are they 2"
HCan't tell, I'm sure. I don't know, SO
help me God"
dGo down, sirrah, and tell your master to
come up here Immediately" The publican
was with me in a moment.
l had risen and worked my face Defore the
glass into a fendish look of passion.
sLandlord p exclaimed I, with a brief gest-
ure, az have been robbed in your house; rob-
bed, sir, robbed My pantaloons, and a purse
containing one hundred and fifty dollar notes
are gone. This is a pretty hotel ! Is this the
way you fulfill the iDjunetions of the scrip
ture? I am a stranger, and / find myself ta-
ken an with a vengeance I will expose you at
once, if / am not recompensed.
fPray keep your temper" said the agitated
publican, "1 have just opened this house, and
It is getting a good run-would you ruin ats
reputatiop for an accident? 1 will send for a
tailor to measure you for the missing garment.
Your money shall be refunded. Do you not
see that your temper is useless I"
9My dear sir" 1 replied, 81 thank you for
your kindness. I did not mean to reproach
YOU. If those trowsers can be done to-day l
shall be satisfied, for time is more precious
than money. You may keep the others it
Won find them, and In exchange for the hum
bred and fifty dollars which you give me, their
contents are yours"
The next evening, with new inexpressibles
and one hundred and fifty dollars in my purse,
I called on my guardian in Philadelphia for
sixtv dollars. He gave me a lecture on col
Ieciste desertion that I shall not soon forget.
7 snelosed the money back to my honorable
i.ndIord by the first post, settled my bill at
Crasty,s, the first publican. and got my trunk
by mail
~A loafer. on hearing that they charged
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