The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1860-11-30
Artemas Ward Visits Brigham Young.

}. WHILE NO. l2lS
Artemas Ward Visits Brigham Young.
1t is now goin on too (2) yeres, as | yer
well remember, since l crossed the Planes ia
Kaliforny, the Brite land of Jold. Will
crossin the Planes all so bold, fell in wit
some noble red men of the forest IN. B.
This is wrote Sarcastical. Injuns is Pizir
whar ever found, which they Sed was thei
Brother, and wantid for to smoke the Gallo
mel of Peace with me. Tkey then stole m,
jerkt beef. blankits, etsettery, skalpt my or
gin grinder, and Scooted with Wild Hoop
Durn the Cheats techn speech. he sed h
shood meet me in the Happy Huntil
Grounds. If he duz, there will be fte
But enuff of this ere. Reren Moose Nut
tons, as our skoolmaster, who has got Talen,
into him, cussycally observes.
l arrove at Salt Lake in doc time. A,
Camp Scott there was lot of l. S. sojers
hosstensbly sent out there to smash the
mormons, but really to eat Salt vittles & play
poker T. other beautiful but somewhat onsar.
tin games. got acquainted with sum Of
the officers. Thay lookt putty scrumpshus
i'll their Bloc coats with brass outings onto
um, and ware very talented drinkers; but
SO fur as fitting is consarned, Ide willingly
put my wax figgers agin the hull party.
My desire was to exhibit my CRATE show
in SAT- Lake City, SO l called on Brigham
Yung, the CRATE mogull among the mormins,
and axed his permishun to pitch my tent and
onfurl my banner to the gentle breezis. He
minits, & sed:
DO you bleeve in Solomon, Saint Paul,
the immaculateness of the Mormin Church
and the Latterday Revelashuns?
Sez |, 'lme on it" make it pint to git
along plesunt, tho didn't know what under
the Son the old feller was driyin at. He sed
mite show.
You air a marrid man, Mistur Yung,
bleeve7' sez l, preparing to rite him some
free parsis.
4 have eighty wives, Mister Ward. lser-
tinly am marrid.'
'How do YOU like it as far as you hev
got? sed l.
He sed 'Middlin,' and axed me wouldn't l
like to see his famerly, to which ! replide
that wouldn't mind minglin with the fair
Seek & Barskin in the winnin smiles of his
nterestin wives. He accordingly TUX me to
his Scareum. The house is powerful big 4
in exceedin large room was his wives and
children, which larst was squawkin and hol-
erin enutf to take the roof rite orf the
house. The wimin was of all sizes and ages.
Sum was pretty and some was piane-sum
was helthy & sum was on the Wayne-which
is verses. tho sich was not my intenshuns, rs
don't prove of putin verses in Proze RI
tins, tho eff occashun requires | can Jerk a
Poim ekal to any of them Atlantic Munthly
fellers.
NV wives. Mister Ward sed Yung
Your sarvant, marms, sed |, as sot down
in cheer which q red-heded female brawt
me-
Besides these wives YOU see here, Mister
Ward sed Yuug, have eighty more in va
ris parts of this consecrated land which air
Sealed to me-
'Which?' sez l, gi,tin up and s,arein q,
him.
Sealed, Sir, sealed
WHARF bowts . sez l.
4 sci, Sir, that they was sealed" He
spoke in traggerdy voice.
will they probly continue on in that stile
to any CRATE extent, Sir p l axed.
'Sir, sed he, turnin as red as billed beet,
dent you know that the rules Of our Church
is that |, the Profit, may hev az many wives
as wants.
Jes SO, | sed. You air old pie, amt
you?'
Them as is Sealed to me-that is to say,
to be mine when wants um-are at present
my sperretoouai wives sed Mister Yung.
Long may they wave" seq |, seein shood
git into scrape ef | didn't look out.
In privit conversashun with Brigham l
lernt the followin fax: 1t takes him six weeks
to kiss his wives. He don't do it only onct
a we're < sez it is wuss nor cleanin house
He don't pretend to know his children, there
is so many ov um, tho they all know him.
He sez about every child he meats calls him
Par, & he takes it for granted it is so. His
wives air very expensiv. They alters want
suthin & cf he don't buy it for UNI they SC,
the house in uproar. He seq he don't hev
minits peace. His wives fte amung their
selves so much that he has bilt ii,in room
fer thare speshul benefit x when too of um
git into row he has um turned loose into
that place, where the dispoot is settled accor-
din to the rules of the London prize wiring.
Sumtimes thay abooz hisself Individually.
They hev pulld the most Of his hair out a,
the roots 4 he wares meny horrible scar
upon his body, inflicted with mop-handles
broom-s,icks l. sich. Occashunly thay 81!
mad & scald him with bilin hot water When
he got eny waze cranky thayd sket him ur
in dark clos:t, previsly whippin him arter
the stile of muthers when thore of>prings gil
onruly. Sumtimes when he went in swim
min thayd 20 to the banks of the Lake &
steal all his close, thereby compellin him te
sneek home by sircootius rowt, dresst ir
the Skanderlus stile of the Greek Slaiv. q
find that the keers of marrid life way hevy
onto me- sed the Profit, and sumtimes
wish lde renamed singel.' left the Profit
and startid for the tavern WHARF put up to.
On my way was overtuk by lurge krowd
of Mormins. which surrounded me & statid
that ,hay was goin into the Show free.
| Wall sez ]. 'ef find individooul who
is going round let,in folks into his show
free, lie let you know
We've had a Revelashun bicdir US 60 In
to A. Wards Snow without payin nothin
they showtid.
YES hollered lot of female Mcrmoness
es ceazin me by the cote tales & swingin;
me round very rapid, we're all goin in free
So sez the Revelashun"
What's Old Revelashun got to do will
my Show sez |, gettin putty rily. Tel