Smyrna times., 1860-05-31
Written for the . smyrn. Tines
TO HM @ m o :"

DEAR SlR:-Your logic is Demosthenian IN
character, must confess. But would, grave
and potential seignor, offer few suggestions,
transposiiions, and, by the way. ask a question
or two, by your leave, cr--not.
"My object in writing this letter, 10 not to
expose our weakness, but to record a few
thoughts, and suggest what conceive 10 be a
remedy" But, my dear sir, in applying the
remedy, you must necessarily expose the
toeGkness, and you do it-with vengeance.
"Lady salesmsn to wait on lady customers,
and gentlemen clerks TO wait on gentlemen"
eh! Not at all, sir-not at all, but transpose
1t. Let lady statesmen wait on gentlemen-of
course. Then lOaferdom would be abolished
then would the millinium draw near-then
success grow fat.
l would also suggest the propriety of having
lady clerks in the various grocery stores
What better sight than for devoted parent to
see the fair arm of his or her only daughter
plunged beneath the briny Deep" and reap
pearlng with huge mackerel clutched tena-
ciously within the folds of those Z" long taper
ing fngers!" The thought itself is worthy
the trial. Young men would grow enchanted
then would we see revival of that beautiful
relation vulgarily denominated marriage, but
resembling closer to affinity than anything
else. Ladies would poiss themselves upon
the tip.toe of expectancy, and clerking be held
in such high repute by them, that all would
wish to join in the vocation. Besides, both
sexes being thrown together, q reciprocity OF
feeling and interest would be brought about as
would tend to the amelioration of that cold
austerity so common in country villages
Marriages would be the tapas of every day con-
versation among our interesting old maids,
(who, by-the.by, would "sprucs" up to catch a
slice of masculine gender.)
You say, sir" Let grocery stores be groc-
cry stores" Never was logic SO tersely ex-
emplfed since the time when Rome was free
let grocery stores be grocery stores! The
scales have fallen from my eyes, Why, my
dear fellow, do you know that I've been labor
ing under the impression that grocery stores
tOere grocery stores! Well, we live to learn,
and Memo" "rules the roast"
Again" The man who would start this en-
terprise, would not only prove blessing to the
town, but make COED paying business fol-
himself"
Then, sir, start this business. No one has a
better idea of an Improvement than the sug.
gestor of it. Start it. Your humble servant
would frequently call in, with few Other
friends of progress, and partake of glass Oi
water-to encourage yop. So start it.
Furthermore" We make our old hats dc
until we 60 to the City, if that be but once in
three or four years." do we! Then, sir, Mr.
"We" is burden to the town, and the sooner
shut of him the better. Such economy is far.
cial in the extreme. ...
And, A" Nemo," do you carry your theory in
to practice, or would you eventually do SO T.
If you are business man, do you buy and sci
but one thing! If not, are you willing to con
fine yourself to one Legitimate commodity. b.
it to sink or swim, and that, too, in a country
village! If you are, set the example. Prog
ress 10 very good, but to cut off finger to re
place toe, is lame speculation.
Yours, respectfully,
CENSOR.