Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-03-30
FunnVgraphs.

~It the Republicans 60 Seward in tht
approaching canvas =, they will probably
have to fish without Bates, says some puns
ter, to the public unknown. ..-
~ Ladies are like watches - pretty
enough TO look at--nice and delicate hands
but somewhat difficult to ''keep going
when they got to s'running'' to parties and
dry-goods stores.
~The editor of the Missouri Time.
saws that he never professed to be ''right on
tho goose" Well, if a gander isn't right on
that subject, the old thing should have his
good for-nothing nsck wrung.-Pfe"tlce.
~Waiter to q verdant Kentuckian at a
Now York iotel,- =.a-
Roast beef, roast mutton, roast turkey,
boiled Goldfish" (pauses for breath
Verdant Kentuckian. .-"Yes, Pll take
them all"
~ aCan you tell me-" asked blooming
lass Of suitor one day, "what ship carries
more passengers than the Great Eastern -
"Well, Miss" replied he, II don't think
can" s.Why, it is eourtship," replied the
maiden, with conscious blush.
STRANGE SITUATION FOR THE HEAnr.-Au
dicated by his manner a somewhat different
position of the heart than has generally
been accorded to that member. He went on
thus "The angel !. have her picture
here-I ALWAYS wear II next to my heart p
And here be produced the precious dagurre-
otvpe. not from his bosom, but from a
pocket in-the tail of his coat
~A Quaker had his broad brimmed
hat blown off by the wind, and he chased It
for a long time with fruitless and very ridic-
ulous Zeal. at last seeing roguisl looking
boy laughing at his disaster, he said to him
SArt thou profane lad p
The youngster replied that he sometimes
did little that way.
"Then," said he, taking half dollar from
his pocket, s'thee may damn yonder fleeing
tile fifty cents worth" e..
pMeu praise what they do not under.
stand. ADutchman says: u will tell you
such is the powers Of de Shakspeer dat
vunce saw dc plays acted in A"gish lon
eui,h, in Holland, where der vas not one
person in all de House but myself could un-
derstsud it yet there vas not persons in
all dat house but vas in tears. dat IS, al
CRYING, blowing de nose, end, weep vety
Wv
de play, yet all weeping. Such vas de pow
ers OBJ de Shakspeer." '..4'- -
D,px'r KNOW CoRN-Some twenty five
or thirty years ago, an Irishman, William
Patterson, left Ireland to ind home in
America Having friends in the region OF
Fair Haven, Ohio, he made his way thlther
Taking dinner ore day at the house of DR..
p. he was treated to the American dish
wholly new to him, of green corn in the
ear. Unwilling, however, to be thought
green himself or being anxiousito display
pnusual sagacity, after having eagerly dc
voured the saw, ~ corn, his appetite stii
unap.peos-ea, he passed up the despoilct
cob with the very natural request :-''Pias'
bot some more peas on my stick !" oaa = i
AN Asr1RArlox.-"S sally, I've got sweet
heart; such . nice young man! He's in I
profession. So,
40, Jemnima! Don't use such wickes'
words j" .v- =,
1T ain't wicked word at all, Sally, it
business" 81, 80.
.Business, Jemina, what business :" E1l.
ssGuess, Sally, what is it: it begins Wit l
81 81 know, Jemima; its hofhcer." ~ !. '5h. p !
"NO, IL AIN \, tilOuXu ltS oOu0suiu6 nAuS
better than horsiffer.' l''-' - ~ - =
as.rhen its q horange merchant. That's it
Jemimap' 80,
%, you hateful thing, to think Of an,
thing 90 vulgar He's hoct:oneer'" -. -
yaeTA solid Dutchman was standing at
certain place ON last election day, inqlirin
fore..de reglar Democratic dicket." !" when
,hrewed fellow instantly stepped up On
supplisd him with the &c, uine thing. "Vel
now, saysaHsns, ''vo, now. viii l 90 IN
him f''d sPut in. that box. I, r. ,(pointipg to ~
ballot box j exclaimed several voioes- M
the cunning chsp5who nhsd accommodate
him with the .'dicke9' Whispered in his ea
.Don's let them fool gov don't put it
the box i, keep it in lyopr pocket; II
yours don't let them cheat you out
your yote,"" 81 And SO heidi, ramming IL
ticket away down to the bottom Of a deee
pocket in his coat, and walking of una
10 he could bs at the rogues who wanted
cheat him out Of his vote BY putting it
tha ballot box. '-' p '%i~.t9 5' r~