, 1860-06-01

fore l fell into a perfect revcrie on thC
i'll effects of drinking rum, and when th,
widow spoke, started as if there had beer
a sudden clap Of thunder, upset my plate
with two soft eggs upon it, in my lap, oveI
which my handkerchief was spread. To
avoid confusion, l rolled up the handker
chief with the soft eggs in it, and slowed i,
away in my pocket The plate fell to the
floor, and striking on its edge, rolled clear
round the table into the fire. This was too
much for the gravity Of the widow, and she
broke out into another hoarse laugh
well, how did you get on after thatF
inquired the surgeon.
Bad enough, God knows 1t seemed as
| if everything conspired against me. After
my confusion was somewhat over, | again
broke forth into praises of her beauty, pre-
paratory to popping the question second
time Seeing that her plate was empty,
rose up to help her to another part OF the
chicken, when, getting a lee lurch, | at
tempted TO get hold Of the table, but mis-
sing it, grabbed the table cloth, and
should have fallen sprawling on the floor,
besides dragging everything from the table,
had not the servant, large, fat colored
woman, who had just come in, caught me
in her arms. | shuddered for if | had fal,
len, l should Inevitably have broken the
bottle in my pocket
Capital excellent ! well done ? cried
several, while another loud laugh broke
from the amused officers
Go on, Granville said the surgeon,
the deneument will be rich, | have no
doubt
1T may DO rich to you continued Gran.
vile, but it was poor fun to me; for SO con
fused was !, that | staggered across the
room, sunk down on one of those cane
bOttomed chairs, and my coat-tail being
under me-oh, heavens! smashed the fral
bottle in my pocket, and the liquor went
ltricklng through the bottom of the chair
to the floor. This was more than | could
bear, and my eyes glared upon the confused
widow as il she had been ghost, while
the servant stood titterins at my dilemma.
| would rather have faced British cannon
or what to say. But my calamities were
not at an end, for to cap the climax, and
hide my confusion, / drew out the hand
kerchief, forgetfnl Of what had occurred,
and applied it 10 my face. Oh, Jupierl
The first slap filled my eyes, aud bedaubed
my face all over with the yolk Of the eggs,
and such looking object never appeared
before a lady to pop the question. The
widow rushed laughing into the kitchen,
followed by the fat servant, who ever aud
anon turned around, rolled up the white Of
her eyes and shook her sides with Taught
er at my truly ludicrous and ridiculous APP
pearance'
We'll, how did you come out in the end?'
inquired the surgeon.
How did l come out? Why, 1 came
out at the little end of the horn, as the
saying is. i weighed anchor aud put out
to sea as quick as the Lord would let me
and from that day to this | have never
been on cOurting cruise, and whenever l
see a young widow | can't help thinking Of
soft eggs aud broken rum jugs. From this
time to all eternity, my advice is 10 young
men who wish to court either a.young spin
ster or widow, to let the rum jug alone
for have no doubt that if had gone a
sober man to see the widow. | might now
be living in a fne house, anl riding in a
coach aud four
At the conclusion Of the lieutenant's
story, the officers pulled off their hats aud
gave three hearty cheers for the courIship,
which were followed by another long, loud
roar of laughter.