New Orleans daily crescent., 1860-11-26

| What Villains tfese men aresn lAnthuated Maiden
''yes, ny desr, wili.n tlIenpecked Husband
Get up quick sad give ,he children ariah
Old osesross eye is easy elcsed.,' rrecccious Son.
= Ae@s y s9as sis'''sss Interesting Daughter.
81 Gsons ,,,arninr Toby knew you were coming
when heard that quick nervouk step on the stairs
Why, how sober you look, You most certainly
have not buried your vile
!. Buried my wife replied Toby, $ no indeed.
Ikat Is glorious era In my history which has not
rat arrived and can only join In singing the pa
ghetto long meter hymn, Roll swift ye wheels OF
time, etc.
brosial bowers to waste my existence upon Tire
chilling winds of q matrimonial desert?N
aweil, I declare, Toby, that iB 8 mournful strsan.
Socrates could not have been more dolorousin his
remarks when relating to Athdnian bachelors his
domestic troubles, and it certainly exceis the
lamentations of the Jews when they elevated their
harps on the willows. Come am q batkelor-
my synpathies are with youN-let me hoar your
reasons for this remarkable Seremiadn
| There is nothing which aafects the hCaaan heart
SO quickly as sympathy, and Toby's cuEntenance
| immediately radated with thu consciousness that
4 he possessed sympathizina friend" IN his con-
nuhial misfortanes.
| Dofing his capillary covering and lighting ci-
gar III never allow any one I'd smoke a pipe in my
i Office. Pipe-smoking is retTogaae movement,
and MOTTO be tolerated in our progressive age. In
4 fact 1t is decidedly Miesan inits tctdency@ Toby
\ took hs accustomed seat, and, with countenanoc
setokaning startling revelations n thus began his
i connubial philippe.
g The marriage .iGstitution sE mouse-trap on a
large scale, Man epproacheais Is cautiously. exsln-
ines the bait attegtive1y, considers it sufficiently
attractive thinks not that he is the object of a
i vain aelnsion, reaches out his hands sepuirhFal
voice heard in the distance, saying proneunee
,you husband ami wife '-sta1aed, he looks around
4 no avenue of escape he ~ a prisoner uEtil re
4 leased by death, or, blessed be the power of jus
litice, by the Kindness of q syinpathizing eogrt"
"a CourtngsSs the sugar.ucating of this pill, matt l.
Il mony bywkich we children of darkness ses easily
/ deceived. Gourtship and marriage bear the,sane
relation to each other pursuit and possession in
4 a fox hunt The baying of the hounds, the eager
ness of the horses, the emulation of the horse
men, the exciting soHHl of the distant hora and
the uncertainty OF capslre, all send the blood with
rapid coursing through the veins and fill the pur-
suers with wild exharation. But when the
chase isover and the fox caught, Immediately all
interest in the destiny of tile light-foeted animal
ceases
Eyes, Toby, / sheuld Judge from my liRaited OBJ.
seFvaton that counting was delightfalT
conducted BY no conventional rules
." Tell me not in Faournfnl numbers-D
. Courting's butan empty dream, replied Toby,
!" and there are as many Varieties of eeeurting as
there are different parties engaged in it. There
are courtings steslfhy, codrtings open, courtings
mild, eourtings energetic cqurtings slow, eourtings
fast courtngs short courtihgs long, eourtngs sue
cessful and courtings unsuccessful. The most
interesting part Of courtsip is where the parties
| though nothing has been laid by either, are con
scious that they possess eath Others love. Every
look and gesture is then filed with thrilling sig
niiicance. Bubthen the MUTUAL PASSIONS declared,
the courtship assumes more of business character
and its romantic uncertainty is gone,h
. Toby, you are indeed philosopher. Yoa
should write a book on The Philosophy Of Love
or Courtship Made Easy / have no doubt if
would surpass Iii brillianey Of conception Miss
Butt's Leisure Moments, and you can send acopy
of it, bound in calf, to the Prince of WalesD
| (Here Toby brought hi: thumb to his nose and
gesticuiated with bis fingers for my especial ben
| sefit.}
" The minutie Of coIrtshipare by no means
uninteresting,p said Toby The easily interpret
ed glance of the eye, tbe meaning gesture the
playful ohstinacy che feiEned coyness, the gentle
pressure of the hand, and the soul l-dssolVing kiss
all make courting the most agreeable of oceupa-
tions. Kissing alone is sufficient iinducement to
make me q laborer in such q vineyard. kiss
rhymes to bliss in fact, as well as verse.'''
There are various kinds of kisses. There is
the gentle kiss, effected BY the most delicate labal
pressure, resembling In S eonsnmmation the violet
kissed by the zephyr Tfs is the kiss of decided
novice in the art Next comes the abbreviated
kiss, snatched hasty flom the sideing maid :
/ most rapid In its conception and execution This
is often heard by the indignant parent Gs he opens
/ the drawing-room door III Is OF all kisses the
1 most unsatisfactory and is never regorted to ex-
ceptin urgent cases when fear of detection is i'm
/ minent. Next in order NE find the sonorous kiss
which is both unsafe anil unsatisfactory in its re
suits. 1t consists of sharp report and is utterly
| devoid OF any poetic element. Small boys and
4 eountrymen indulge in this variety. The last
| species which I shall mention is the condensed
kiss, the result Of higl civilization. Time is the
principal element in its composition and the mutual
confidence Of the parties is essential to its full ac
complishment.
Tie Fragrant infancy of op,ning flowers
Flowd 70 my senses III that meltng kiss
While enjoying the bsslul martyrdom of this kiss,
one feels his soul gradually drawn FROM its resting.
place and elevated into an ETHEREAL atmosphere of
Bandusian enjoyment, while
" There, Toby, that is enough. Yon rival Cobb
IN your description, AMI the American Eagle in
your atmospheric soarihgs. But, my dear fellow,
you have wandered far away from your original
topic, eellpsing in yenr higressons even Quarter
Session lawyer or suberannuated Methodist d.
VINE. recover your scattered senses and let me
hear your matrimonial trials"
Very well, said Toby. Yon see that eigarg 1
would mt dare to smokeit in my house. 1t is very
queer now soon my witd changed her sentiments in
regard te tobacco, alter we were married. When
We were counting, she said there was nothing that
she liked SO well as the smell of cigar, preferred
It even to the condensed extract of Frangipanni.
But now, she condemns 1t as a disgusting habit y
unworthy of q true gentleman. Yesterday she
threatened that i DID not give it up, she would
use bladder of snuff d day. I expect sooR to see
her literally snufing up her nose at me.
Before we were married she had no objections
to my taking glass Of wine, and many times she
joined me 10 II, But ROW she denounces inspir-
IL
II, through an excess Of political enthusiasm, I
spend few hours in tile evening describing rail-
fences on the sidewalk am told. to nv utter as.
tonshment, by my dear mother -in-law, that am a
Z drunken wretch.p Ny wife, much to nv annoy-
ance, continually reheArses ut the dinner table the
unhappy end of gluttons and wine bbbers She
has no reason to do so for there is little upon the
festive board that relish Instead of sfewed but.
terfles, D "a mode bnnbIe-bees, and fried honey
suckles, which she said should be our regular diet
when married, find nothing bnt antiquated fowls,
bread devoid of leavep, and meats that can trace
their existence to remote age; and, like Esau OF
old, am ready to stll my hirth-right for little
physical condment. You know my wife is grad
uate of Miss Smmera celebrated hoarding-sehool
ior young ladies, Where the youthful feminine
learns all the mysteries of love-letters the proper
tnehnatlon OF q mouftache, the easiest method of
spine-bendlng and THE most memorable incidents
IN the lives Of lily fingered LothaTos.
Miss Shipper never allowed her Young ladies' to
read cook book. She said such reading was very
enervating and time most injadieionsly employed
do not know whethdr my wife has suffered much
from her education, but am confident have
when we first went 10 house keeping she insisted
upon doing the cooking Yon have heard of phi
osophleal experiments where no definite result was
arrived az, But ia her cooking experiments a
most definite result was accomplished, namely the
after annihilation of the original elements. After
she mad made many Intellectual atteFspts to bring
her intellectual RESOURCES in subjecien to the cult
nary art, finally Introduced a cook into the
Kitchen, and there has been the !. pride pemp and
circumstance Of gloripus war; ever since. "Alled
orces, my wife and mother-in-law. Poor Hum