The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-03-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

is down his throat.
- Much smoking Kills live men and
cures dead swine.
"A pin has as much head rs good
many authors, and great deal more
point.
"You look as though you were be-
side yourself" said wag to fop stand
ing by donkey.
- Right and duty are like two palm
trees, which bear fruit only when growing
side by side.
- A fellow who was pitched into q
gutter where garbage is thrown, describes
it as an c6al fall.
- Whatever Hidas touched was turn
cd into gold. In these days touch man
with gold and he'll turn into anything.
"Mrs. Smith, the Court would ask,
have you n marriage certifcato?" "Yes,
your honor, three gals and boy"
SCOT any ice at your end of the
tacle, Billp "No, but I've got the next
thing to it." "What's that?" "a Sc
we're cold."
- The first business of Lynn is the
manufacture Of shoes. That, however,
is intimately connected with the last bu-
siness.
-" How are you to-day 2" said gen.
tleman TO neighbor, whose wife was i'll.
90, I'm suffering good deal from dis
tressed rib"
- Holmes, after telling that dog
was shot for biting woman's leg, said It
was pity to shoot dog with such fine
taste.
- A Western paper speaks Of man
who "died without the aid of a physi-
cian." Such instances of death arc very
rare.
- We are only interested in others in
proportion to the interest we take in our
selves, and look for in consequence from
them.
- In 1852, during the reign of Ed
ward vi, in England, books Of astronomy
and geometry were destroyed, as being
infective with magic!
- Advice to young men: Live tenn
perately, 60 to church, love all the pretty
girls, marry one of them, live like a man,
and die like christian.
- The pleasuse of life is love; tho
greatest treasure is contentment; the
greatest possession is health; and the best
medicine is true friend.
- The question is discussed in some
Of tho Missouri papers whether raising
hemp is good business. A much better
business than being raised by it.
- Timothy says the first time he went
counting, he felt as if pink angel had
harled him down rainbow with piece
of chain lightning smack into pile o.
down.
- An Oxford scholar, calling early
one morning on another, when in bed
says: "Jack, are you asleepp "Why p
Because, want to borrow half crown
of you." "Then I'm asleep"
!, - Never seek to be entrusted will
young friends secrets, for no matter how
faithfully you may keep it, you will be Ii
able, in q thousand contingencies to the
suspicion of having betrayed it.
; - We never respect persons who ain
simply to amuso us. There is a vast diff
ference between those we call amusing
) men and those we denominate entertain
ing; laugh with the former and refiec
with the latter.
"Father, said a cobbler's lad rs h,
was pegging away at an old shoe, "the,
, say that trout bite good now." "Well
r well" replied the old gentleman, "yol
stick TO your work and they ~ont bit
you."
-" "Shon," said Dutchman, "yo,
may say what you please bout pad neigh
bors; l have had to worst neighbors a
, never was. Mine pigs, and mine hens
a come home NIT der ears split, and todde
day two of them come home missing al
, togedder."
]. - It is said that once, when Rober
r Hall was confined in an Insane Hospita
D while suffering under an attack of insan
, ity, visitor passing through ono Of tn
a wards asked him what brought him there
"What never will bring you," was Hall
prompt reply, too much BRAIN"
-"What keeps our friend D. ava
! from church 2" asked clergyman of hi
: clerk, al hope he has not tendency
4 socialism or deism." "No, sir, it
something worse than that" replied th
clerk. "Worse! l trust you do not mea
: atheisml" "No, sir, worse still; l mea
a rheumatism"
"There's where the boys fit for co
, lege," said the Professor TO Mrs. Parting
! ton, pointing to the school in Bedfor
street. "Did theyp said the old lad,
with animation "and if they fit for 90
lege before they went, they didn't fgh
:, afterward r. "Yes, said he, smiling an