The Oxford intelligencer., 1860-08-15
CHIPS FROM AN OLD BLOCK.

I many hlOie rs sue 1911
THE ocean, which is forever sounding, some
times gets sounded
WHY is John Smith like badly cooked buck
wheat eakef-Because he isn't Brown
Why are presidents like vagabonds'- Because
they are associated with vices
FAsr youths are nov c-iied young gentlemen
Of accelerated gait.
CHEATING and jockeying at horse-races are
matters Of course.
A Frenchman wishing to compliment girl as
little lamb, call her 'small mutton"
"JIM, how does the thermometer stand to-day"
-"ours stands on the mantelpiece right agn
the plastering."
''IIow do you get that lovely perfumef' asked
one young lady of another-"it's scent to me-"
replied the other.
"Is that sage cheese of reflective turn ?"
asked DIR. Spooner of the provision dealer -''No
sir; not mite" was the reply.
WnAr is that which every man can divide,
but no one can see where it has been dyided?--
Water.
IT is said, 'the hare is one of the most tmd
animals, yet it always dies game!' Why shouldn't
it, when it is made game Of
Why should potatoes grow better than other
vegetables ?-Bceause they have eyes to see
what they are doing.
Az eminent teetotaller would only consent to
sit for his portrait on condition that he should
be taken in water colors
4 civic YOUTH intending to offer marriage to a
young lady, wrote to ask her to unite with him
self in the formation of Art Union.
cobweb marriage is thus noticed by one of
our contemporaries Married last week, John
Cobb to Miss Kate Webb"
WE were considerably amused by an account
that We lately saW Of remarkable duel. There
were six men upon the ground, and six misses.
\ story writer says he will 'climb the starry
ladder of ambition, aud drive his enemies back
into sheet of darkness" Rather iighty that,
Az irritable man is something like hedgehog
rolled up the wrongway, and pierced by his own
prickles.
\ paper from one of the interior counties says:
There is not a single person in the county jail"
Are there any married persons therey
A hcnpecked husband writes :-"Before mar
riage, fancied married life would be all sun
shine; but afterward found out that it was all
moonshinc"
81 say, John, where did you get that rogues
haty'-"Plcase your honor" said John, ats an
old one of yours that missis gave me yesterday,
when you went to town"
LITTLE Thomas Tititlebat is five years old.
He was in a musing mood the other day, and
his mother asked him what he was thinking
about, ooh, said he, 81 was thinking of oil
times"
WuEN Sheridan was asked at an amateur play
which performer he liked best, lac replied The
prompter; for saw less and heard more Of him
than of any one else" .....
A gentleman coming into the room of the late
Dr. Barton, told him that Mr.. Vowel was dead.
"What" said he, Vowel deadg Let US be
thankful it was neither nor l."
"llrRE's your money dolt and now tell me
why your rscally master wrote me eighteen let
tiers about that contemplate sum-" ''Im sure
can't tell, but, if You'll excuse me, sir, guess it
was because seventeen didn't fetch it."
\ young country girl who lately went to stu
alton in Cheltenham, on seeing water-cart pass
along the street exclaimed TO her mistress, "Oh!
Ia, mum! look here; there's man gone by with
cart of water, and its running out all the way;
and if he's got TO go much farther he'll waste it
all before he gets there"
Ak Irish waiter once complimented salmon in
the following manner: "Faith, it's not two hours
since that salmon was battle-ground his real es-
tate wild his hands in his pockets, never draining
what a pretty invatashun he'd have to jiDe you
gentlemen at dinner"
party of belated gentlemen, about certain
hour began to think Of home, and their wives
displeasure, and urge departure. 'Never mind,
said one of the guests, "hltcen minutes now will
make no difference: my wife is as mad now as
she can be-
A couple of travellers stopping at the Hotel
Franchise, in the city Of Cordova, the capital of
the Argentine Confederation, were surprised and
amused BY noticing on the bill offare Eggs on
horseback" Determined to know what it meant,
they called for the equestrian dish, when it was
steak with two eggs on top.
"AIS'r there no exceptions to your law about
punching fellowy' said scamp to judge
mo, sir, noexceptions whatever" "Now, judge,
guess YOU arc mistaken. Just suppose, for in
stance, should brandy punch aman, what them
NO leyity in court, sir. Clerk, expose this man
TO the atmosphere"
A physician, who lived in London, visited a
lady who resided in Chelsea. After continuing
his visits for some time the lady expressed an
apprehension that it might be incOnvenient for
him to come so far on her account ''Ob, by no
means replied the doctor; 81 have another pa
tent in the neighborhood, and / always set out
hoping to kill two birds with one stone"
THERE is story told Of man who met his |
own double-or wrath, as they call ton the
stairs; and dreadfully frightened the poor fellow
was at the double presentment Of himself
"well, and what did You do'' inquired one, not