The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1860-07-09

Aphysician thus addressed surgeon, while
their patients chamber: "Yo GU must not
forget to phlebo tomiZe the old gentleman to-
morrow 81 won't suffer ~ cried the sick
man. in a fright. Don't be alarmed, sir,' re-
piled the surgeon, "the doctor orders you to be
bledn ''Oh, as for the bleeding" replied he,
s.that matters little; but as for the other, !
would sooner die than endure it,"
One day as Mr.. C--was lmping down the
High Street OF Edinburgh, from the Court OF
Sessions he overheard young lady say to her
companion, rather loudly, THAT is Mr.. c.,
the lame lawyer" Upon which he turned
round, and, with his usual force OF expression
said. mo madam, am a lame man, but not a
lame lawyer"
Two sons ofgreen Erin were standing by a
hydraulic press superintended bya friend of
mine when one called out to the other, "Jim
I'D like to pnt you undher and squeeze the
devil out o. yes would We, indade, my boyl''
was the answer. "Squeeze the devil out O
you, and there'd be nothin' left"
A young lady recently remarked that she
could not unders tand what her brother George
Henry saw in the girls that he liked them SO
well, and that, for her part, she would not give
the company OF one young man for that OF
twenty girls.
No man ever knows when, where or whom
he'll marry. 1t is all nonsence planning and
specializing aboutit. You might as well look
out for a spot to fall in a steeple-chase, You
come smash down in the very middle of your
speculations.
claimed a poor fellow OF our acq uaintancs.
"If should take your advice and seIze Time by
the forelock, / do believe that it would just
come right out and leave him as bald a bar
ber's block
A United States Deputy Marshal was lately
sent to Springfield, Ill, to summon Mrs.
Thayer. alias Burnett, TO attend court. He
returned, saying he had summoned Mrs.
Thayer, "but Alias Burnett could not be
found" ...... ..r-. ..
MI Z nj lad ha raft sod
to her niece he expos ulated with her, and re-
Quested her plainly to divulge her reasons. Il
see the villain in your face" said she. "Tbat
lisa personal reflection, madam answered the
lover
At a down-east revival an old lady prayed
fervently for the "young lambs of the fioek.''
Another lady asked, "Wouldn't it be as well
TO include the old ewes!" litter peryaded
the meeting.
Remember what world of gossip would be
prevented il it was only remembered that a
person who tells you of the fa ults of others
intends to tell others of your faults.
A gentleman praising the generosity of his
friend, observed "He spends his money like
water" "Then, of course he liquidates his
debts" rejoined wag.
That a successful pleader at the bar often
makes poor political orator, is no more to be
wondered at than good microscope makes
very bad telescope.
1t is rather cool comfort to ask for the
man don't generally want but one such leg-i-
see in a life time.
"Stop that abomi nable noise, said a com.
nnandiDg officer to a trumpeter in the midst of
a battle; 1--WE can stand fire, but We can't
stand that air. ....
When Jemima went to school she was asked
why the noun bachelor was singular p
because" she replied, sit is SO very singular
they don't get married. -f4ue=-
Simpkins remarked that money is the great
lever in the affairs of mankind. "A very great
learsr. indeed" replied Blinks 81 never can
keep it," +. -.-.--- 4
Prentice thinks an old man makes love at a
disadvantage. Unjust be very amorous sort
OF a wink that can captiyate through pair of
spectaces.
The Buffalo Republican challenges DR.. VIM
ship, the strong man, to come to that city and
try his strength with good deal OF the butter
sold there. -=a tsf Hstt=
"Hans, what is the matter 2'' "De sorrel
wagon has run away nit de hOSsn