The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1860-09-04
WRITTEN IN MY CELL.
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scribable fascination for me, totally irreeon'
ciiable with reason or with my colder Judg-
ment; for, strange as II may seem, knew ner
AS she was. even when most unae, .ne inhu,
ence of the passion which controlled me.
knew it, but had no power to break the en-
She never suspected it--as how should she
I was so much her elder that she regarded me
as out of the pale of those who might be at
trac ted by her girlish beauty. To her, girl
of sixteen, 1 was An odd-looking man, visi-
tor, a friend of the family, nothing more. MY
intellectual superiority made her timid. she
never dreamed of her power over me-
The touch of her hand, aecidentai coh,ae.
with her dress, the upturned glance o. ne ne
kind, calm eyes, filled me with tremoT .u'
whole nature became resonant 10 nes I'm
euce When conyersed, 1t was always WI"
a secret hope that she wouid listen VI sppa';.
1 never spoke TO her, withoutA ,n'setauie "e,
sire to interest her, and W WA oxer arain in
NV mind the trivial words that passed De-
tu,sen ms wondering on the tones In which she
had spoken, and nursing the unrest winch
Savoured me like burning fever
So IL went on, day by day, week after week,
There was a handsome lad Of fifteen, a
hool.feliow Of her brother, who came to the
nonse. and whose fancy selected her as the
object of a boyish passion: one rife nth day
dreams and romance, bat OF no mere depth or
conseu uence than such fancies ordinarily are.
noticed it at the outset believe l discov-
seriousness of the feeling. When evident 10
all, and something of joke in the family, she
was secretly pleased, though she affected 10
hook down upon him as her JUNIOR year Is
n great gap in a girls estimation. Too SIM
pls hearted TO comprehend coQuetry, she yet
knew she was pretty, and her admirers pas
sion fiattered ard amused her innocent vanity.
think she had no idea that anything serious
would come of IL, but she certainly liked and
listened 20 him.
That tortured me. The boy was in earnest.
have said he was handsome, and the contrast
between his fresh youthful face, his buoyant
spirits and healthy nature, with mine, filled
me with gall and wormwood. He, In spite OF
his bashfulness and blushing modesty, could
find topics enough 10 talk about, ana couIo
interest her. There were no awkward inter-
walls OF silence between them. She smiled or
laughed when he entered the room, and called
him Harry" / have sat time after tine,
and watched them with unntterable envy ana
unutterable misery in my heart. 1 wonder
now that restrained myself so well, but n o.
body suspected me-not till the dreadful
end
The family went out of town, in the month
ofJune, TO u village, eastward OF London, on
the border of a forest. They had humble
friends there, and generally stayed at the cot
tage of q woman who had been her ana her
vited to visit them at pleasure-it was barely
q three hours coach journey In August, L
did so, as il happened, alone.
met the father in the footpath across the
TO town, and he God help him! 1 was never
again 10 see his face turned towards me in
friendship and confidence--gave me a CHEEKY
greeting, and babe me go on and enjoy myself,
promising TO return at nightfall. The girls
are starting for picnic in the Forest" he
said; you'll be just in time"
saw her at the window in the cottage gable
with garland of summer flowers in her hair,
laughing through the honeysuckle at those
below. She SIN lied and nodded welcome to
ms present.
Their, sister. two cousins (grls,) country
friend, and Harry. l knew ne was stopping
with them, yet his presence gave me pang as
If my heart had been suddenly grlpped by a
cruel human hand. They all seemed glad TO
see me- and, my respects paid TO the mother,
who did not care TO be of the party. we set
out for the forest together In spite OF his
sisters objections, their brother took with
him foolish pistol which he had, for the pur-
pose OF shooting at mark.
Throughout that sultry summers day, the
sun OF which was not to set without leaving
on my forehead the brand of Cain, by dusty
lane and green hedgerow, among the trees in
the forest, Harry kept by her side, driving me
mad. He was happy, very happy, for the &C.
casion increased her natural good humor aud
good spirits, perhaps her liking for her boyish
lover a fortnight OF daily, almost hourly
intimacy III that idle holiday time, had natur-
ally brought them closer together, and he, at
once intoxicated by his passion and the sweet
Influences surrounding him, was more en-
an.ou red than ever. SO he kept by her side,
nobody challenging his right TO that position.
see them now: he with his youthful glow
ing face all admiration and enjoyment: she,
in her light dress and straw hat, her sweet
eyes Just raised in answer TO him and smile
on her lips. One OF the party jestingly called
my attention to them once-as if that were
needed.
We rambled about in the forest until noon
tide, and for an hour longer. presently dining
in an open space where were some fallen trees
and little spring. He sat at her feet, and as
1floh as Ia anp o.
Her brother joked him on ii, and joined in
the laugh. We were all very merry together,
and my conduct excited no suspicion. talked
gaily, and observed her looking at me more
than once il quiet surprise Fury and de-
spair were raging in my heart, yet talked
lightly and merrily; and, when the brother
proposed that we should try our skill In
shooting at an extemporiZed target, bore my
part like boy amongst boys.
firing of this and of other sports, we ram
bled hither and thither. Then l feigned
drowsiness, and they left me, to come back in
an hour or so, bidding me take care of our
dinner baskets. The brother left his pistol ii
was heavy, and he tired of his pIaything.-
When they had all gone off among the bushes
l sat up, on fallen tree, and loaded the
weapon. l declare before Heaven, l had no
thought then of the dreadful use 10 which I
was soon TO put it; l had an inclination TO
play with the idea of suicide
II was fascinating, in my maddened. morbid
state, 10 put the muZzle between my teeth,
and fancy what pulling the trigger would ef-
feet. l imagined it in detail. horrible
crash and q great darkness. l should be found
on their return lying beside the log, dead
How shocked they would be, how horrified -
What would she sayl Would she be sorry ,
How little she or any one in the world would
suspect the cause OF it! should carry my
secret with me into the next world perhaps
l should be at rest, and people would pity
me.
The thought grew upon me, SO that l rose
10 dissipate it: rose and strolled on among
rsfh fha ad mis- al in
pocket. My hands behind me, my head bow
ed, nay eyes on the grass, l went walking
slowly, thinking of her.
1t might have been five minutes, it might
have beef an hour, when heard girls voice,
carolling merrily-a voice and song knew
well. A dizziness was in my ears, my heart
throboed unanimously and painfully. raised
my eyes and saw her alone, coming towards
NE, down a footpath into which had wan
dsred.
She had never looked prettier or kinder
There was a rosy flush Of health and exercise
upon her cheek, sweet light of love in her
ewes, and glory of after noon sunshine stream
ing through the boughs upon her fair brown
hair. Something told me that the boys ardor
had won, if not a reciprocation of his passion,
AT least an unusually favorable hearing.
turned, and we walked side by side. where
were the Others :" l asked.
"Oh, coming, but long way behind. She
had run away from them.h And she laughed.
"Whyl''
"They had leased her." She was glad to have
met me, as i would take her part.
"And Harry ?" She blushed, and, returning
an evasive wer, stole a sideiong glance be-
hind. looked behind, too. There was no one
visible.
"He loves you," said. She blushed deeper
than before, and turned her face away, and we
walked on in silence for a few seconds. Their
it came. ~ love You p said. "Do you know
whata mans love is l' And poured forth a
flood of passionate, incoherent words such as
cannot be recalled or written down. such as
men sometimes utter once in lifetime
She listened, amazed-affrighted. There was
more Than that in her face. As seized her