Smyrna times., 1860-08-02
Funny Lives Of the Presidential Can.
didates.
LIFE OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN.
By one toho KNOBS him.


bis mothers, Mrs. Lincoln, and if he had sis
ters, they were known as the Misses Lincoln.
AT the age of two years, young Abraham COM
menced splitting rails for living, singing
beautiful hymns while so engaged, and dis
playing all those noble virtues for which he
has since been distinguished. When be was
about ten years old, Boston suddenly became
the hub of the universe, and required so much
greasiDg thar clearly people were Obliged to
move away. The Lincolns went to Illinois.
where Abraham became the ablest lawyer in
the State in less than week, and learned to
chew tobacco. His reputation for eloqueGce
was unparalleled--and as g specimen ofhis wit
we give the following
ANEcDoTE.
On one occasion Mr.. Lincoln was splitting a
rail in the parlor Of Judge Douglass residence,
when the latter joined him, and thinking to
make good joke about our hero's extreme
leanness, remarked: Eeg@
"Why, Abe, you're rail YOURSELF"
Mr.. Lincoln looked up from his work with
that sublime glare which has often petrified
world. and gravely responded
You, sir, are the reverse of rail-" ..s.
douglas Immediately grasped his hat and
carpet bag, went 10 Washington, and asked the
Presidentfo explain what Lincoln meant by
that
"Why,' replied the President, "the reverse
Of rail is rail spelt backwards"
Since then Douglas and Lincoln have been
warm friends.
The subject of our biography was defeated
ny MIR. Douglas, for the United States Senate,
in 1854, on account of sickness ia the family,
and has since been known as Honest Old
Abe" to the whole country. He is a man of
unfiinching integrity, and though he chews
tobacco at present, will not choose the weed
for companion if elected President.
N. B-The author of this biography died
immediately after penning the above work.
LIFE OF STEPHEN ARNOLD DOUGLAS.
BY one Uho has kno,On ham since he pas so
high.
Mr.. Douglas was born at Bennington, Yer.
mount, on the Fourth of July, l776, and demon
strated the utility of Squatter Sovereignty be-.
fore he threw off has crinoline. His parents
belonged TO noble Scotch family, and when
Stephen was two years old they emigrated
with him to Illinois. 1t was during this Jour-
ney that he gave vent to remark which has
since become classical. His father asked him
il he would have an apple; and, on receiving
an answer in the Affirmative made split" in
it--preparatory TO dividing it into two pieces
when Mr.. Douglas suddenly grasped the
whole, exclaiming:
"The Union must and shall be preserved"
This immortal sentance was Immediately
telegraphed to all the papers in the United
States and Canada, and procured the election
of Mr.. Douglas 10 the office of Judge of good
whiskey, as soon as he arrived in Illinois,
When about ten years old he commenced
Writing for Harper's Magazine, and finally
contributed a series Of humorous articles to the
editorial columns of the Chicago Times.
BY way Of concluding our biography we give
the following extract from one Of Mr. Doug.
las's most eloquent speeches:
Squatter Sovereignty, gentle.
men, [great applausel is not the right of one
man over another man, accorded by the Con.
stiiution, but the right of another man ovei
this man, or that man over this man, where
man is willing that man should be his owI
man independent of every other man. This
gentlemen is Squatter Sovereignty, without
mitigation" Great enthusiasm.]
LIFE OF JOHN BELL.
By an intimate acquaintance
t The Hon. John Bell was born on Mason and
, Dixon's line, OF itch but pious parents, ant
, was noted for his ringing voice. His ex,rem'
! personal beauty suggested that delicious poem
in which the poet asks his friend, Brandon,
. Did you ever see tho beautiful Bell, BrandOnp
He spent the earlier years of his life on
plantation, acquiring such fine cultivation tina
his epissolatory efforts are regarded with ADM
: ration by The whole world. and no man lie con
sidered good scholar who is not familiar will
Bells letters. As Mr.. Bell grew to manhood
he gradually eschewed all youthful society
Z and cultivated sold" gentlemen exclusively
: and was noted for bis venerable virtues. o.
= one occasion he won the friendship Of a tea
: total society of old maids under the following
Il circumstances. Being asked If he believed th
a use Of tobacco to be injurouss he promptly re
- piled:
y IF tobacco 10 chewed in certain way,
will do no harm to any one"
!, q How 10 that 7" asked an antiquated Miss,
l. .sIt should be es.chewed. = returned the emf
q nent statesman.
d In reference to Mr.. Belle public career the
10 tell the following
e AS Mr.. Bell was going from The Senat
% chamber to his hotel after delivering his cels
% brated speech on the re-opening of the ssv
20 trade. he was oversaken by prominent pol
G. lician from one Of the Northern States, VIII
saluted him with:
al cay. Bell, that was a good speech
,u YOURS; bot you are always too solemn, az
10 your friends hare told you 80 often"
Is s.Well," replied the Senator, how cal,
ne Bell help sounding solemn when il IL tollsd !
ct often %
he Immediately after ibis the subject OF our co
II. moir was seized with severe fit of sickness
il vet even that did not quench his spirit. Whs
The doc,or asked hin, how no felt one mornin
he replied:
%. aOh, feel al sound, like any other Bell.
he IfMr. Bell 10 elected 10 stay 81 hcme,
he will adorn that position. ane write for She Le
ger. Il