The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1860-11-08

ACCORDING to bachelor horticulture, the gen.
uine domestic evergreen is-a husband.
Ladies, please be sweet, but don't be too for-
NAL. Be roses but, but don't be prmroses
WHAT is a man like in the middle of river
and can't swim? Like to be drowned. u
IF you respect yourself as much as you do
others, you will be as careful to do nothing mean
when alone as in company.
The public schools of Connecticut educate
$4,000 children, at S. year each.
The Syrian Relief Fund, in New York, now
amounts to $18, 534, 80.
The yellow fever at Honduras has swept off
the entire European population.
Diptheria is prevailing all over the country
and causes many deaths.
The Norwegians of Iowa are raising funds
with which to endow college. Twenty thou
sand dollars have been subscribed.
A FLIRT is like dipper attached to hydrant
every one is at liberty to drink from it, but no
one desires to carry it away.
SHE that marries man because he is a "good
match" must not be surprised if he turns out a
'lucifer."
TAKE especial an d seasonable care, If you are
a man. that your children shall not have fool
for mother; and, if you are woman that they
shall not have for father.
AN afflicted husband was returning from the
funeral of his wife, when friend asked him how
he felt "Well,' said he, patheticaly, 81 think
feel better for that little walk"
MANY man thinks it is virtue that keeps him
from turning rascal, when it is only full stom-
ach. One should be careful and not mistake po-
tatoes for principles.
WESTERN editor says be was taught, when
boy, to refrain from grumbling at two things,
the one, that which he cannot help, and the 9TH
er, that which he can help.
PHnchs Mental PhilOsophy-W is the
mind? No matter. What is matterf Never
mind. What is the nature of the soul? 1t is
immaterial
A LADY being asked the place of her nativity
replied: 81 am so unfortunate as to have no ma
tive place; l am the daughter of Methodist cler-
gyman.
! WE love to listen to the soft breathings of the
flute, the Eolian melodies of the harp and the be-
wiidering tones of the violin, but then the kettle
drum-'ah! thar's the rub dub.
YOU'VE fellow having been charged with
getting drunk tn night before, and wishing to
justify himself, declared that he never was drunk,
nor never meant to be, for it always made him
feel so bad the next morning
The New Workers are now enjoying general
laugh at those of their number who made them
selves conspicuous in attending upon the Prince
OF wales The merchant princes and officials
who monopolized his Lordship, are on every
hand meIcessly ridiculed
The 'Jupen multiple" is the name of the latest
invented Paris petticoat. 1t does away with hoops
and crinoline, supporting itself by the harmo>
NOUS intelligent disposition of the waves Of mus
lin of which it is composed" 1t can be "mod-
fed or increased at pleasure.
A Tammany Hall Notice-The following spec
linen of exact scholarship in the department of
notices In English, was found posted up at Tam
many Hall, on Thursday:
Seats can be had here for to see the process
ion OF the Prince of Wales on the balcony enquire
at the bar for so cents"
"Iae Post Office in our ripage," writes Yer
mont lady, twas kept in the bar room of the tav-
ern, great resort for loungers. An old chap.
more remarkable for coarseness and infidelity
than his good manners, was sitting there one day
with lot of boon companions, when the Meth
odist preacher, a new conner, entered and asked
for his letters.
Old Swipes asked bluntly, Are you the Meth
odist parson just come here to preach y
am, pleasantly replied the minister.
Wen, said Swipes, will you tell me how old
the devil iei'
hseP yoAr O'0n family record quickly return
Cd the preacher, and left the loom amidst the
roars Of the company ID