Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1860-11-16
SQUIRE RICHER's COW.

Want to sell
Wall, dunno. Want to buy?'
That depends on the price. Whatll
you sell her for "
Make me an offer
Wall, I s'pose she's worth eighteen or
twenty dollars. Somewhere about that
Eighteen or twenty dollars! Land
soul, MIR. Smith! Why, that cow is the
real Durham, Cheshire short horn--the
best breed in the world, you know
'Sho! you don't say so, though, do ye'
Strange, now, didn't notice it. Come
from the town of Short Horn, eh ?
Land soul, no, Mr.. Smith. She was
owned by a man by the name of Short
Horny, and they called her Short Horn,
you know, cause Horny was two long to
speak. The man that raised her was an
English or Irish, forgot which. So
you see the cows furrirer. l reported
her myself from the continent
'Sho Why I never heard word of
it. Kept it private, didn'tye Squire?'
Wall, yes, rather. Ye see its the
times of the know nothing agitation, and
ye know I'm a candidate for selectman
ia my town, so was afraid if the people
found out that 1 was bringin' a furren
COW over, they'd turn right out and spile
my election. You know they're down
on furriners.'
Wall, declare, Squire, you're sharp.
But the cow can speak-that is, roar
English, can't she ?
'Sartin! Just like any other COW.
And now, neighbor Smith, if you want
to buy grand good COW, one that'll give
twenty-five quarts of milk a day, and
ten pounds of butter a week, you'd never
have another such chance. | wouldn't
part with her at no price to any other
man, but you and have alters been
good friends, and don't mind sacrificing
a few paltry dollars to obleege you. You
may have that Durham Cheshire short
horn COW, bred somewhere in Victoria S
dominions for the sum of fOrty-fve dol
lars. Dog cheap
'Forty-fve dollars! Oh! Squire, you
must think Pm made of money. car
never afford to give that. Say forty, anc
I'll think about it,
wall, Mr.. Smith, you're tight hand
at a bargain, but won't stand with yor
for few paltry dollars. You may have
the COW for forty
The moneys yourn.'
The cows yourn.'
There, reader, that's the way Mr.. JohI
Smith happened to become the owner 0
the Durham Cheshire short horn furren
COW reported from the continent b.
James Richer, justice of peace for Straf
ford county, state of New Hampshire
Now, for further particulars.
Mr.. Smith drove his purchase home
much elated with the acquisition, an
when night came, he would not PERM
his daughter Jane to milk the short hor
with the other COWS, he must perform tn
pleasurable and highly interesting jo
himself on a threelegged stool at the sid
of the short horn, and placing fftee
quart wooden pale at the proper angl
commenced the process. In less than
second he had the pail brim full, for Ii
short horn not probably relishing tt
slow, old-fashioned method of filing tt
pail with milk, concluded to save N
Smith considerable trouble, according
set both her hind feet in the devoted pa
giving Mr.. Smith smart whisk vii
her stub tail at the same time!
Mr.. Smith tried to dislodge the obtru
ing feet, but to his surprise, he foul
them a fixture. On further examinatic
he ascertained that the feet had quiet
gone out the bottom of the pail, & the le
of the short horn were firmly hooped
gether. He pulled and hauled at the
fractory legs, but all to no purposes tn
were bound to stick. So Mr.. Smith,
a last resort, applied hatchet to the pa
and rent If in twain. Out flew sht
horns understandings, and BY way of e
animation into their safety, she let
first one and then the otner whack agail
Mr.. Smiths ankle bone. Over We
Smith and the three-legged milk St
bouncing after him--his head in a +
grant mud-puddle and his feet eievai
in the elastic fluid which surrounds
earth He screamed to Simon Mildm
his hired man, to come to the resc'
but Simon was engaged just then in
interesting business Of kissing Jane Sm
behind the brindle COW she was milk
and II was some time before he resp
ded to the call.