The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1860-09-04
Fal4I, FaetE and EPhilosophy


Translated, SO that he did not see death;
therefore the oldest man that ever lived
died before his father.
An Irishman being asked why he wore
his stockings wrong side out, replied,
s:Bekase there's hole in tn ither side Nv
en-"
Some dogs ere kept about houses sim
ply to give the alarm at the approach Of
burglars. Like certain spice trees, they
are valued only for their bark.
A Yankee hos invented a machine for
extracting the lies from quack advertise
ments. Some of them are never seen af-
ter entering the machine, as only the
truth comes ont.
The Japanese, if they have been walled
in for centuries, have got sensible notions.
They have got no old maids there; when
the girls don't get married voluntarily,
the authorities hunt up husband and
make them marry willing or not willing.
Every girl who intends to qualify for
marriage, should so through e course of
cookery. Unfortunately. few wives are
able to dress anything but themselves,
and some are not capable of even doing
that.
A Japanese nobleman, upon being
shown a fashionable plate in an American
magazine, was very much startled and
exclaimed: "How very fat your women
arem
Byron was disenchanted when he saw
his inamorata eating. In oIher words,
he filtered when youth and beauty were
at steak.
ssWhats in dress ?" asks popular
writer. Sometimes a good deal, aud
sometimes precious little.
The poor fellow who couldn't hold his
own, has been arrested for taking some
body else's.
aPaddy, how do you like the Ameri-
cans?" "Faith, 1 like them so well that
I've mind to become a native" 5
A IMAM was convicted in Kentucky Of
stealing his neighbours COWS and hiding
them in his cellar. 1t was a cowardly
mode of cow-hiding.
The only liberty cap" says clever
and witty author, is the night-cap. In
it men visit, one-third of their lives, the
land Of sleep-the only land where they
are always free and equal."
The.least said the soonest mended,"
does not refer to ones shirt when it wants
repairing: for if one says ever so little
aboutit, youwill not find it any the soon
ermended for ali that.
The violet grows low and covers itself
with its own tears, and of all flowers
yields the sweetest fragrance. Such is
humility.
aWho's afaid?" said a young man to
himself, in order to screw his courage to
the sticking place. "Why, you are" said
the object of his affection, cor you would
have taken courage six months ago"
Vice and folly may dull the. edge of
wit, but virtue is invulnerable; aquafortis
dissolves the base metals but has no
power to dissolve OF corrode gold.
A correspondent wants to know wheth-
er, considering the great utility of the
ocean, poets are not wrong to call it "a
great waste of water?"
Success rides on every hour; grapple it,
you may win; but without a grapple it
VIII never gotgith you.
TO keep eggs from spelling, eat them
while. they are fresh. We have tried all
kinds Of methods, but this, we think, is
the only one to be relied on in any eli
mate.
Misery makes strange bedfellows A
handsome young fellow recently married
q rich old lady of seventy. He was mis-
erable for the want of money, and she
for the want of q husband.
A HUcKsrER OUgDoNE.-Away down
in the smart village of Cincinnati, there
vegetables certain hotel keeper, who for
cuteness is "some" you may depend.
Havingg frequently been imposed upon,
while supplying his bountiful lardcr, with
articles of geese by the wide awake,
buckeye hucksters, he deemed it high
time to try if cheating was not a game
that that Two could play at. So one morning
bright and early, he presented himself