New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1860-09-24
How to Enjoy the springs and stay at Home.


The Southern Literary Messenger gives the fol
lowing directions by which the above named end
may be obtained. The experiments certainly
would cost little, and it appears to would surely
prove successful;
WHITE SuLPHuR.-Te roll of birthstone under
your nose, and drink freely of thick warm water.
Break some doubtful eggs in your pocket, and run
round till you are exhausted. Procure a second
hand diabetes, change your linen six times a day,
and strut loftily under tree.
On SwEEr.-Get large tub, and put some
white pebbles in the bottom Sit down in it and
blow soap. bubbles. Dress your best and don't
know anybody.
RED SwEEr.-obtain some iron filings paint EN-
red, put em in tin-pan or pitcher, and look at
'em in solitary silence. Eat much mutton, and go
to bed early. Whisky iulip eight times a day.
SALT SuLpHUR.-Call yourself a South Carroll
Man, and take things easy. Live well. Stay in
one place a long time. Tincture of birthstone
occasionally.
MONTGOMERY WH1rE.-Wear loose sack coat
and look at mulattoes frequently. Eat a great
variety of raw meats and undone vegetables. Play
at faro and draw-poker.
YELLOW SULPHuR.-Get good living on the top
of hill, where you can't see anything whatever.
Dominoes, draughts and backgammon.
ALLEGHANY, Sit down in a hard chair in deep,
hot hole, and drink citrate of magnesia and EPSON
salts. Gamble some with dyspepties.
CoYNER's. = Take the Lynchburg papers, and
gaze with melancholy pertinacity at the side Of a
naked hill Whist and religious tracts.
RooKBRIDGE ALLUM.-Seect some cases of can
Ger on the face, with few necks scrofulously raw
and dine with them daily on Indifferent vctuals
Then catch the drippings from the caves of a very
old house, in tin cup with long handle, thicken
the drippings with powdered nutgalls, and drink
three times a day.
ALL-HEAL1NG SPRINGs.-Throw green blanket
in shallow pond, and wallow on it. Cut off
strip of blanket and clap it to your ribs. Read old
novels and talk to pous old ladies about death and
chronic diseases of the digestive tube.
WARM SPR1NGs-Diet yourself on the unadulter-
ated juice of the tea-hettle.
Hot SPRINGs.-Wear a full suit of mustard plast-
ers, and walk about in the sunshine at MONDAY,
swearing you have got the rheumatism.
BERKELEY SPRINGs.-Keep your shin clear, and
know nothing but Baltimore ten pins.
PEAKS of 0TTER.-Climb a high pole on a cold
day at sunrise. Shut your eyes and whistle.
WEIR's CAvE-Go into the cellar at midnight
feel the edges of things and skin your shns against
the coalscuttle. Sit down on pile of anthracite,
with tallow candle, and wonder.
OLD PoINT CoMFoRT-Build hog pen in a mud
puddle; fill it with cockle-burrs and thistes, and
call it surf bathing. Drink bad brandy. Don't
sleep. Lie down with your windows wide open,
and no clothing on. Come home with fshbone
in your Throat, and oyster shell in your head
pain in your stomach, and ten thousand musouito
bites in your body.
CAPE MAY.-Penetrate an immense crowd of
male and female rowdies, drop some salt water in
both eyes. Shoot pistols Eat some ice cream
and claret, and send up sky rocket every night
Have yourself insulted often by niggers. At mid |
day smell of an oven with dead pig in it. Fill I
your pockets with cut glass broken into minute
Fragments
YANKEE WATERING PLACES GENERALLY.-Keepa |
stale Goldfish under each arm, live ON onions and |
go in strong for the Union and freesoil
and dance the round dances in big breeehes.