Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-03-10
Scores in the Life Of q Snowman.
BY ARTEMUS WARD.

4 Snowman meats W7th strange sites.
lie sees Human Natur Us she ar, IN
masked 3 without no close on, 6 he
must be stoopider nor ded kab hess
if he drzzent stock his branes with sew
eral kinds OF nollege.
The undersigned won't Boste. Inc
a American sitturzun. / go in for the
fast sailing, snug built and full mand
sSeancr United States which rhns her
self, she duz, d on whose decks ! man
is as goods anuther man, & frequently
moore SO if he konduks hisself strate.
To use a Shakespeerian Erase, line na-
tive IL 2 the mannere born and don't
want to put on airs cimply becaws I've
met with CRATE suksess ia the show
peTteshun (which I've bin into goin on
twentys2 yers.) Ny worthy projenny-
tors was unable to Civ me a cussycal
eddycashan, &c all | nose pickt up
GAS sailed, aS | saled," to kote from
Capting r. Kidd, the sellerbratel pi-
rut. But thank heaven nay sire s. sire
ess gave me good name, & I pint
with feelins of pride and pleshure to
the fack that nun ov our family was
evor In kongriss or on the New York
perlice, or Arms house Guyner.
The ensooin seems in my checkered
karreer is respectfully submitted:
wIM1N's RITES.
| pitchl my tent iii a small town in
Iuiianny one day larst seeson, & while
/ WIS standin at the dore takin mum
ney, deppytashun of ladies came up,
Il sed they was members Of the Bunk
umville Female Moral Reform &c VIM
ms Rites Associashun, and they axed
me ifthey couldn't go in without pay
in.
E'Net exactly" ses I, "but you can
pay without goin in"
Dew you know who; we air." sed
one of the wimmin-a tall & feroshus
lookin critter, with blew kotton UNI
breller under her arm. "Dew you no
who we air, Sur?'
''My impreshun is,'' said I, 'sfron a
kursary view, that you air females"
We air, sur" sed the ferosnuS wo-
man. eve Selong to society which
bleeyes wimin has rites, Witch bleeves
in rain her to her proper speer-wbich
believes she is indowed with as mulch
intelleck as man is-whitch bleeves
she is trampled on and aboozed---S
which will resist hens4th e forever
the incroochments Of proud and domi-
neerin man!'
Durin her discourse, the exsentric
female had GRABBED me by the lollar 81
was swingin her umbrellor wildly oyer
nay he'd,
Il hope, rnarm,7' sez I, startin back,
'Fthat yur intenshuns is honorable. |
am a lone man, hear in strange place.
Decides, I've wife to hum"
eyes," cride the female, "S shes q
slave! Doth she never dreem of free
dum-doth she never think of THROWN
off the yoke of tyrinny, 81 thinkin &
speakin & votin for herself? Doth
she ever think of these here things p
tsNot bein natral born fool" sed I,
by this time little riled, 81 kin safely
say she dutho1t!"
90 VIII ot-whot !" screened the fe-
male swingin her umbreler in the air
90 whot is the price that woman
pays fur her xpeeriunse
Il don't know, marm," seq !; "the
price to my show is Is sents pur indi-
vidooul-7
rs can't our Sosiety go in free p
asked the female.
"Not if | know it." sed I.
''Crooil, crooil man - she cride, &
bust into teers.
"W ont you let my darter in ?" sed
anuther of the exsentric wimin, takin
me affeckshunately by the hand. 90
pleese let my darter in. She's a sweet
gushing child of Natur.'' ~
Let her gush - roared 7, as mad
as Good stick at their tarnal noncents
Let her gush." whareupon they al
sprung back 18th the Simultaneous OBJ
serrashun that [ was a Beest.
: My female friends" sed /, bel yot
lceve I've few remarks to make
Wa them wall! The female woman
is l Of the gratest instisooshuLs o.
WhltCh this land kan DoSte. Its OnpOS
sible to git along without her. Hac
thare bin no female wimin in the worlG
l shood scarcely be hear with my un
parallel show on this horSepishus occa
shon. She is good in sicknesS-good
in wellness-good all the time. {
wooman-wooman!'' | cride, my feel
ins wurked up to hi poetick pitch
''you air a angil when you behave your
self; but when you talk off your prop
er apparial & mettyforically speaker
git into pantioons--when you desar
your firesides, & with yur heds full o
wimin's rites noshuns 90 round like
roarin lyons seekin whom you may de
YOUR sumbuddy-in short, when 70,
undertake to play the man you pla!
the devil, & air emfattic noosance.-
Nv female trends. 7 continued as the,