Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1860-02-23
wit and. wisdom.

wit and wisdom.
WHY is young lady like bill Of sx-
change? Because she oughtto be settled
when she arrives at maturity.
"MY son, what would you do II your
dear father was suddenly taken from your
"Swear and chaw tobackerl'
The phrase "down in the mouth" 10
said to have been originated by Jonah
about the time the whale swallowed him.
The difference between . post.ofics
stamp and donkey is, that you stick one
with lick, and the other you lick with
stick.
A BOY in Paris, hearing the National
Guard cry "Hurrah for reformr' shouted,
"Hurrsh for chloroforml' which made .
hearty laugh. .
The youag lady who saw baby with.
out kissing it, has acknowledged that her
friends bonnet is more handsome than
her own.
LORD! said Mrs. Partington, "what
monsters these cotton planters must be.
| am told some Of 'em have as many a.
one hundred handsp'
CoNuNDRUM.-Why is q woman like
steamboat? We suppose it is because its
costs a fortune to rig her, and because Q
man is liable to get blown up at any time.
WHAT horrible creature! A bachelor
says he dislikes young married couples
"because they are SO apt to give themselves
HEIRS"
A young man in conversation one eve
ming, chanced to remark, II am no proph-
et.' True" replied lady present, "no
profit to yourself or any one else."
THE Chicago Democrat gives list Of
the lucky ones who drew prizes at prize
concert and gravely adds that some fifteen
hundred drew long breaths.
A FRIEND of ours was congratulating
himself upon having recently taken a very
friendly trip. Upon inquiry. we learned
that he had tripped and fallen into young
ady's lap.
At spiritual meeting short time
since, Balaam was called up and asked if
there were any jackasses in his sphere?
NO" replied he, Indignantly, "they are
all on earth"
THREE hundred men could not carry
the amount of the national debt of Eng
land counted out in ten pound Bank of
Englan notes. notwithstanding the light
ness of the paper they are printed on.
"WHAr shall we name our little boyv"
said young wife to her husband. "Call
him Peter" "Oh, no! / never knew
anybody named Peter that could earn his
salt" "Well, then, call him Saltpetre."
SAID Tom, "Since / have been abroad
/ have eaten 80 much pork, that ana
ashamed to look pig in the fsce!" Il
s'pose. sir. then," said a wag who was
then present, "you shave without glass"
"Iy you marry" said Roman consul
to his son, "let it be woman who has
Judgment and industry enough to cook
meal for you, taste enough to dress neatly.
pride enough to wash before breakfast.
and sense enough to hold her tongue.
That was wag who said: "When my
wife was very sick, l called in an Allo-
pathie physician; but she got no better.--.
then called in Homeopathic. and she
mended little; one bay he broke his leg,
and could not come at all, then she got
we'll"
A wag in New York, seeing man dri.
wing a tack into g card. through the letter
{ in the word Boston" printed on it,
seized the latter and exclaimed: "Why,
what are you about? Don't you know
that laying tar on tea IN Boston once
raised a laundering muss there?"
A PARTlNGToS.-Tbe old lady told Q
friend the other day, in strict confidence.
that young man Of her acquaintance
had committed infsntcde. blowi, his
brains mp, in astate Of delirium tremen-
dous, and that the coroner was holding O
conquest over his remains.
A METHODIST preacher. during his
prayer. preliminary to preaching, while
full of zeal, used the following expression:
80, Lord, we pray thee to curtail the
DEVILS power in this place!" An old ne
gro, who was always ready for response,
leaped upon his feet, and exclaimed
Amen! dat right Lord! eat the tail smack
uNu SHt0Oce W
A farmers wife. in speaking Of the
smartness, aptness and intelligence Of her
son. a lad six years old, to lady friend.
said "He can read fluently in any part
of the Bible, repeat the whole catechism.
and weed onions as well as his father."-
"Yes, mother" added the young hopeful
"and yesterday. licked Ned Rawson,
throwed the cat into the we'll and stole. old
Hinckley's gimlet."
ALABAMA" signifies in the Indian Ian
guage, "here we rest" A story is told
of tribe of Indians who fled from re.
lentless foe in the trackless forests in the
southwest. Weary and travel-worn, they
reached q noble river, which flowed
through beautiful country. The chief
of the band stuck his tent pole in the
ground. exclaiming. "Alsbama!" Ala
bamar' (Hsrs we shall rest! here We
shall restl)
A TorER's SoLLoouY.--Ths following
solloauy of topper deserves to be perpet-