, 1860-11-09

the day time it was better; some little EN-,
ployment could sometimes be had to keer
away the wolf, hunger, that was gnawug
at my Vitals Yet during all this period,
like the Spartan boy, concealed my suf-
ferings in my bosom, and none that met
me in the daily walks of life ever knew Of
my destitute condition.
had obtained work for few days, and
by that means put few dollars in my
pocket, but still it was only a temporary
relief, and after the small sum was eked
out to itS'utmoSt capacity, for bread, then,
as had happened many times before, an
other period Of suffering was to come. All
this had, combined with past misfortunes,
nearly broken my spirit, and hope was
even departing from the horizon of my fu-
ture. was weary of disappointment, al.
most weary Of life. In this unfortunate
state Of mind, reckless as Indifferent, l was
one evening walking along -- street,
San Francisco, which led by long wharf
TO the waters edge. l had half formed
idea in my head that on reaching its ter
mination should have before me, at least,
the means by which l could terminate all
present sufferings As l recollect my feel
ing at that time, l do not imagine that for
a momentI seriously contemplated suicide,
but rather that there was a certain fascina-
ton and pleasure in seeing the way by
which mortal troubles could be left behind.
AT that time gambling, in all its varieties,
was the great feature Of life in California,
and its bells were to be seen on every hand,
over the city, but from some innate feeling
Of disgust more than from reasoning, had
never gambled; for it always-seemed to me
that dollar obtained by intelligence of
the mind and honest labor, was worth far
more than many dollars gained by mere
blind chance had too much confidence
in my abilities and manhood to stoop to
the trickery Of cards or dice for money /
ought to have the power to gain by more
intelligent means
Before reaching the end of the wharf, l
was aroused from my reVerie by the con-
fused din Of many voices and the sounds of
music, among which above oil others arose
the shrill screams Of an ill-played elarionet.
Turning around, found | was in front of
one Of the viest and most notorious bells
in the lower part Of the city, where rumor
said many crimes were committed with in-
punity-for justice existed but in name in
those days, and rogues did exactly what
seemed good to their own eyes. As l
gazed within the large, crowded room, |
remembered that an acquaintance was en-
ployed as a musician in the orchestra OH
one side Of the room, and, governed by the
ippulse Of the moment, l pushed my way
through the mass of persons around the
table 10 speukto him. After a few mo-
ments' conversation with the musician, be
tdrned to me and said, in q quiet tone of
voice:
Whenever you come in here, never be
tempted to risk dollar on any game
played, for not a square game is played
here; and, more than that, The tOorJ thing
a man can do is to toia money here"
Saying this, he resumed bis occupation.
Not caring much for the information, l
gszed about me at the scene, with a still
greater reckless depression of spirits; vice
and virtue seemed to me mere words with
out meaning, and, actuated by weak aud
foolish thoughts, the question arose in my
heart-Is everything in life mere chance,
like the turning Of dice or cards! Is there
any God who directs, who protects down
treddeu virtue, or Furnishes successful vice
There lay in piles before me gold in coin
and dust; very small portion of one Of
them would make me happy, and enable
me 10 relieve from suffering another afar
of, who was dearer than life to me, for l
came in search of gold for holy purpose
1t was changing hands constantly, passing
into the possession OF those lowest in the
great scale of humanity, who used it only
for the yilest debaucheries; where was any
kind providence in all this? / walked
carelessly up to roulette-table, and from
the feeling Of the moment-alike Indifferent
TO the irowns or smiles of fortune-I threw
down as stakes the three dollars in loose
silver l had in my pockets. 1t was as
quickly won by The gambler, and, indeed,
l afterwards met the very mechanic who
made the table, and who explained to me
its secret springs, by which other fools, like
myself were robbed.
Passing along with the crowd, l found
myself ut the centre of excitement and at