Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1860-05-24
PLEA AGAINST THE FACT

00tto"so"'y Pee ""S 1ao oVii peoaS
saith, Thou shalt not kill Now, if you
hang my client, you transgress the COM
mand as slick as grease, and as plump as
goose egg in loafer's face. Gentlemen,
murder is murder, whether committed by
twelve jurymen or by an humble individual
like my client. Gentlemen, I do not deny
the hangman may do his duty, but will that
exhouerate you? No such things; in that
case you will be murderers Who among
you is prepared for the brand of Cain to be
stamped upon your brow to-day ?-who,
freemen, who, in this land of liberty and
light? Gentlemen, I will pledge my word
not one of you has bowie-knife or pistol
in his pocket ordoriferous with the per-
fumes of cigar-cases and tobacco of recti
tude in pipe of peaceful conscience; but
hang my unfortunate client, and the scaly
alligators of remorse will gallop through
the internal principles of animal viscers,
until the spanial vertebra of your anatomi.
cal construction is turned into a railroad
for the grim, corp goblins of despair.
Gentlemen, beware of committing murder |!
Beware, | say, of meddling with the eter-
nal prerogative! Gentlemen, I adjure you
by the manumitted ghost of temporal sane
tity, to do no murder. I adjure you by the
name of woman, the main spring of the
ticking time-piece oftime's theoretical trans
migration, to do no murder. I adjure by
the love you have for the esculeut and
conditional gusto of our native pumpkin, to
do no murder! I adjure you by the stars
set in the flying consigu of your enamel-na-
ted country. tc do no murder! I adjure
you by the American Eagle, that whipped
the universal game cock of creation, and
now sits roosting on the magnetic telegraph
of times illustrious transmigration, to do no
murder And lastly, gentlemen, if you
ever expect to wear store-made coats, if you
ever expect free dogs not to bark at you, il
you ever expect to wear boots made of the
free hide of the Rocky Mountain buffalo
and to sum up all. if you ever expect to be
anything but sueaking, loafng, rascally
cut-throated, braided, small ends of human
ity, whitfield down into indistinctibility
acquit my client and save your country
The prisoner was acquitted.
~ A travelling Yankee put up at :
country inn where a number of lounger
were assembled telling stories. After sit
ting some time and attentively listening tt
their folly, he suddenly turned and asked
them how much they supposed he hat
been offered for his dog which he had will
him. They all rose one guessed five dol
lars, another ter dollars, another fifteen
until they had exhausted their patience
when one of them seriously asked hov
much he had been offered. Not darn't
cent he replied.
sS An Arkansas candidate for Congress
sets forth his qualifications for Office in tn
following language: Gentlemen, if 1 an
elected to Congress I will represent m,
constituents as the sea represents the earth
or as the night contrasts with the day.
will unrive all human society, clean all it
parts and screw it together again. I vii
correct all abuses, purge out all corruption
and go through the enemies of our party
like rat through new cheese He wa'
elected.