Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-05-26
S1.5O A YEAR.
Fact, Fancy and Pun.

you VIII pe cT the number.
What is the first thing a lady looks
for in church? The ht;221s.
If married woman is rib" is
an unmarried one q spare-rib?
Much ado about nothing-crioo-
line skirts rustling along the street.
Unquestionably if q man means
we'll the more he means the better.
The prettiest trimming for a wo-
mans bonnet, is a good-humorcd face.
Fame is like an ccl-rather hard
to catch and q good deal harder to
hold.
Why is pretty Girl like Algebra?
because she frequently puzzles the
boys.
-SIIoenan butter' is plenty in this
place, so called on account Of being, 50
strong.
Why is 8 country editor like a GER
tain kind Of sailing vessel? Because
he's clipper.
Learning to be printer IS but lit
tie else than attending school to learn
how to run in debt.
Some author tells rs that much Is
said abut the tongue. True, the thing
is in everybody's mouth.
-Accustom yourself to some en-
ployment for every hour YOU can pru-
IDENTIFY snatch from business.
The boy who was caught looking
into the future, has been arrested for
trying TO see the show without paying.
A cotemporary says: "There is
not single person in the county jail"
Are there any married persons there.
---Happiness may be sought for over
the whole universe, but to be found its
seed must be planted in one's own bo-
som.
Jim says that the most intermed-
ding lady he ever saw, would sit up
all night with beau, to watch lights
in other houses.
The Cincinnattians, when their
drinking water is too thick with mud,
are IN the habit Of titering it through
a cane-b -bottomed chair.
You can easily keep yourself from
freezing throughout the winter, by con-
tinualIy getting into hot water with
your ncighbor, or his wife.
1t is a great mistake to suppose
that time is money. We know Of one
CT two railroad companies that mako
first rate time but no money.
"A country1nan who saw for the
first time hooped skirt, hanging at a
shop door, called and asked, 'Swhat
kind of bird they keptin that cage ?"
-"Wbere are you going?" asked
little boy Of another who had slipped
and fell on the icy pavement.
'tGoing to get np'' was the blunt
reply.
Why is the man that climbs up
Nonnt Vesuyius like an Jrishm5n who
wishes to kiss his sweetheart? Be-
cause he wants to get at the mouth Of
the 'Ecrater,"
Our nejghbor threatened to hold a
mirror before our face that we might
see a Jackass. # lie will come and
hold the open frame up between US it
viii answer every purpose.
"A cotemporary in al exceedingly
eloquent piece Of writing said, 'If the
dead could speak to us from their.
graves, what would they say?" We
guess they would say, "Let rs outt."
Young women are exported to
Pixies Peak, i'll order that the young
men there may be transported. They
send gold to the East, and the East
sends them girls. Which party has
the best in this business, which is real
ly pleasure on both sides?
"A few more smiles, few more
tears, some pleasure, much pain. lit
tie longer hurrying and worrying thro'
tie world, some hasty greetings and
abrupt farewells, and our play will be
''played OUT" and the iniurer and in
iured will be laid away, and ere long
forgotten. Is it worth while to hate
each other?
ESCENDENTALIsM.-st Y OH know,
madam, that You cannot make purse
out Of sow's ear
"Oh, sir. please fan ne. Ihave IL.
timations Of swoon. When you use
that odious specimen Of vulgarity again,
clothe it in refined phraseology! You
should say, it is impossible to fabricate
q pecuniary receptacle from the auric-
ular organ of the softer sex Of the gen
Us swine"