Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1860-10-25
MARRIAGE AND MARRIAGE PROPO.
SAILS.

Most women allow that in the course of
their lives they have gone through at least
once the ordeal OF a proposal" but then
they feel bound in honor not to disclose cir
cumstances and particulars. Men naturally
enough utterly refuse to detail their eX-
periences on this subject. Their Edith or
Georgiana sits at the head of their table,
and the mystical word used to induce her to
accept that happy position, whether inspired
by the feelings of the moment, or guided by
the light of numerous previous failures, we
enever allowed to know. |, therefore, rs
an elderly matron, hope for some gratitude
ftom the rising generation, for | offer a
few suggestions and write down such infor-
nation on this mysterious subject as have
stored up in the course of long life.
In the first place, then Avoid too much
haste in matrimonial matters. A clever
writer in the Saturday ReUiew recommends
no man to marry till he has seen his beloved
with a cold in her head. If his affection
will stand tlis test, nothing, he thinks can
chill il; but this writer, gather from in
ternal evidence in his own article, is young
and bachelor, and has evidently never
made sea voyage. However his theory is
good as far as it goes, and might if generally
acted upon, prevent some of the coRtTetemps
arising from hasty offers of marriage. One
such occurs to me at this moment A pro-
posal was written and sent by the post in
the DAYS when letters travelled quietly at the
The anxious lover for the first week breath
lessly expected the reply, but it did not come.
The next week he pined, and was sleepless;
sill no answer. The third week he became
indignant. "A civil acknowledgment was
his due She was heartless and hirt" The
next week he despised her, and congratu-
lated himself on his escape; and, when at
the end of it, he received his own letter back
from the Ield Letter Office, because he had ,
in his agitation, forgotten to direct it, he had
so completely outlived his love that he never
proposed to that lady at all.
In the second place always deal with
priI Ials II girl is too young to know
her own mind you had better wait till she
is older; and if she is too undecided to judge
of her own feelings why not choose some
one a little wiser? | know fine disposition
which was soured, and the course of two
lives materially darkened, by churlish old
father who never told his daughter of the
declaration of attachment he had received
for her, because he considered the income
offered t. be insufficient She thought her
feelings had been trited with and the man q
heartless hirt. Many years afterward, she
found out by accident, how she had mis-
Judged him; but it was then too late.
Let me recommend young girls to shun
the man who is, even when making love,
wrapped up in himself and his own pursuits,
instead of being able to throw his mind into
their occupations or to sympathize with their
feeling. Such a man is either narrow
hearted or narrOw-minded. | once saw
middle-aged invalid making love to young
girl. After making great efforts to secure an
opportunity of meeting her, looked into her
face, sighed heavily, drew his chair still
closer, and while she looked at him in aston
ishment and |, in the distance, strained my
ears to hear what tender remark followed
all this preparation, heard him whisper, with
great emphasis, "Who is your doctor H'
lnA ,sal,
followed this we'll judged commencement. A
more pardonable case of a mans absorption
in his own pursuits was that of a very shy
lover, whose one idea was horses. He never
found courage to propose till he had per-
susded the lady to go into the stable and
look at his fayorite horse. There he spoke,
and there she answered yes. But this was
natural and pardon able; a shy man may need
this vantage ground, and, feeling his own
inferiority in the drawing-room, may yet be
aware of his superior knowledge and super
Tor power in the stable, where his horse is
his throne, and he himself king.
Thirdly-Never express strong determine
tions on the subject of marriage unless you
mean to break them. | have seldom heard
an old bachelor declare that he had quite de-
cided not to marry without feeling sure
that the subject was engrossing good deal
of his thoughts and soon after seeing his
marriage announced in the papers. IF man
assures you Ne COulu never unhITJ II WluOW,
or a fast young lady, or girl who IS fat, he
is sure 10 do it; and when the young girls
who honor me with their confidence assure
me they could never marry man who is
short or who can't ride across country, or
who wears a beard, who has only f400
sterling a year, or a country squire who
rides without straps, OF forgets to wear
gloves, consider that their doom is sealed,
and that their husbands will be opposite of
their youthful ideal in these exact parti-
culaTs. But people fall generally du cote on
Ton penche, and the penchdnt of this genera
tion is certainly not to idealize too much.
Warning, therefore, on this head is, perhaps,
unnecessary. Rather, / remind them that
Imagination is, as Schlegol tells us, a gar
den of Eden within us, which man ought to
dress and keep within bounds, not ruthlessly
fell
/ plead, therefore, that little romance be
still left around the proposal, even in this
money-making and money-seeking age
Let the words be spoken at a time and in a
place which imagination may love to dwell
upon, and beware, OF the example OF Sir
q. p, a well known physician. He is
said to have rolled the note in which he
asked for the Duchess of IS hand, round
a phial Of medicine. She accepted the bitter
draught but refused the man. | have also
heard that a beautiful and accomplished
lady, who had become an enthusiast in farm
and dependents, was proposed to" in a
pigsty by an eminent agriculturist, while
they were discussing the various arr ange-
ments and improvements which might be
made in the building. Here an engrOssing
pursuit in common had assisted in the
denouement; but such similarity of taste may
6e but temporary, and is frail foundation
for lasting union.
A horth-eountry gentleman, a master of
hounds, and man Of much character and
originality, but shy and peculiar in society,
was, by great similarity of taste, thrown
much in the way of dlady who rode well.
My elderly cheeks tingle with blush while
| write that, the gentleman, not improving
the opportunities given him of declaring his
sentiments, when riding home with the lady
after hunting, she took step which, as 1
am presenting the different aspects and cir
eumstances OF proposals, feel bound, how
ever, unwillingly, TO relate "Why should
we not marry, Sir John2" she said. "Ahr'
said Sir John, " have often thought of it. p
And married they were
~ ~ 4.