Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1860-01-03
MY wIFE's HEN SPECULATION

Grocery-man's bill, she exclaimed in a most
surprised tone: six dozen Of eggs in one week
st thirty cents a dozen" (she drew a yerv
Ing breath at this point, and 1 followed suit
comes to one dollar and eighty cents week.
Exactly. replied, rather sharp and promnt
d like to know what we are coming to y,
Inquired my better half
That's my sentiments" I remarked in a
low tone, and Kissing my voice and speaking
tos younger S-th, who was eating breakfast
Win me, Jonn, see what y er coming to when
yer get married ~ He smiled, I tried 70 bnt
4 was very hard work
don belleve,' resumed my wife, "but
what that Grocery man tucks on cent or two
g'-t because he knows you (that's Inc thought
won say word. | don't see why eggs
sn"aId Dc 20 high - There was a dead calm
lOr Two m'nuies-Iny eyes were resting upon
tne last boiled egg on the table In profound
melltafion. just as / was about to remark
tnst we had better get along with less eggs
caught glance Of my wifes eyes, and con-
cIuded that 1t would be we'll to let her d., the
talkins II don see why" she again re-
sumed, that it should cost so much 10 1.-Two
We ought 10 raise all the eggs we want to use,
ourselves"
Good business said. that of rsising
eggs My wife continued
there's Mrs. c., she has all the eggs
sne wants, and some 10 sell She keeps hens
ana her back yard is no bigger than ours
Now, less We keep hens, We can save a dollar
week John smiled, my wife smiled |
smiled In fact, tho whole family-eyen down
u the youngest S-th. smiled
Good ~ said /
~ this point my wife enlarged upop the
merits Of Chittsgongs, Shanyhais, Eurnbam
fon'ras, ChInas, Dunghills, and host of other
different kinds Of hens. This subject was tbe
only one which was discussed ut our meals for
the next week She bought all the different
books relative to raising hens she could find in
AM ON y hay 81 4.
tire family had an attack OF the Hen Fever :"
Even the youngest S-th attack was SO severe
that he rolled out of the cradle in attemptino
to clap his arms and crow
The building Of hen coop was decided
UPON. My wife was the architect 1t was built
alter an original design, and resembled a pa,-
ent rausaSe suffer as much a hen COOP IIer
next proceeding was to send me to Rocky Hill
among her agricultural acquaintances, after a
peculiar breed of hens; they were duly pur
ch1Sed anu installed IN our coop. So far, all
right and successful That night there was n
procession Of hens and chickens. headed by
dozen gigantic roOSters, that reached the entire
length of Main street. They. Of course paid
visit 10 my wife; and of course made a speech.
and they responded by such a tremendous
Growing and cacklin3 that it sounded as if Bed
lam had broke loose. As each pullet passed
E.y door she made a most graceful courtesy
and dropped an cgg-the ground was covered
and looked if there had been n SNOW
storm ot eggs. | filed the buttery, cellar,
garret' closets, and every possible nook and
corner with eggs; and as | was about to put
two-bushel basket full of them in the parlor
under the piano, | stumbled and upset the
entire lot upon that instrument breaking
every single egg. The yellow LIQUID run down
through the keys of the piano, thence ON to
the lice Brussels carpet, all over my wife 8
dresses and furs which had been brought out
OF the closet tO make more room for eggs
Of
ciinching both hands into my hair, screamed
out one of the widest and lOudest shrieks that
mortal ears ever heard.
'GOodness.' shrieked my wife, jumping out
ct bed; and lsnding in the middle of the room,
ARE you crazy
No, guess not, said l. waking ND and col
lccting my scattered senses .only an attack of
the hen fever
Since that memorable night six mortal weeks
have passed, during which time bave watched.
led and taken the best care of those Rocky
Hill chickens and instead of sayiug n dollar
week, they have increased my expenses Like
certain bank stocks. L had given up ali hopes
of dividend. had looked regularly every
day into that hen coop. only to be disappoint
ed-not single egg had they seen fit to lay.
As tho holidays were coming suggested to
my wife. rs the old rooster seemed to be an al
most useless member of the coop. the propriety
Of ringing his neck. Mr.. S-th, ;" said she
Il want You to know that that rooster belongs
20 me, and intend to keep HIM whether the
hens lay or not For the first time in my lifs
the greeD-eyed monster took possession Of my
breast vowed eternal vengeance upon that
old rooster. Just think of it for a moment, my
wife snubbing my nose on account of an old
cIanghal rooster ''1ou cant expect them TO
lay this cold weather, said she. breaking the
silence. .it is 80 cold: If they had dose of red
pepper, it might do them good"
Yes, said |, red pepper might do them
nm NJ n Il
old rooster 6ts. Red pei p T, thought L to my
self 90 prepared dose Of red pepper for
them. looking out TO give my wife's 5 old rooster
double dose. You can little imagine Mr.. T.
with what infinite satisfaction and delight I
watched the progress of afrsirs in that coon
The next day / actually found an egg i'm the
coop. / marked it No. one, carried il in the
house and requested my wife to save it till she
got a dozen. l gave my wife, rooster another
dose If red pepper. The next day found the
second egg In the coop, and was about to mark
No. two on one end, when discovered figure
]. the very mark L had made the day before
I also noticed that the nest did not look much
like hen 5 nest. / remarked the same to nv
wife. She thought il was owing to the red
pepper. l thought SO too, and asked her to
fetch the eggs in, after that time and save me
the trouble. The next day. egg No. l was in
the hOx-I wrote upon it. ''LAa,d BIZ Mrs
S-h. Dee. 2lst, 1853" The next morning
/ found that that egg had been taken away
also that four out of seven hens were dead as
brick. For the first time in my life / was sat-
is6ed-ihat my wife's speculation n failure
that she a WOMAN not to be triHed with
Whether the death of those Rocky Hill chick
ems was caused by the cold weather, or over
doses of red pepper. or any other cause /
AIN unable TO stste-but l never mentioned my
suspicious to my wife.
The next day, military friend called upon
me from Wiilimantic. II forgot to state that
L N military man. l showed him the city
Said he. TO me, ''S-th. you've got a new hat"
] said ''Ies-ccme - over to the Clinton House"
We went there and our ''labors" commenced
and continued for AT hour. Ny military friend
invited me TO the States. and again renewed
our laboIs | then invited him to the Ailyn
House. There our labOrs became ~ great, our
'hardships 81 severe. and other circumstances
50 numerous came upon us, that came to the
conclusion that we needed rest lie took pos
session Of lounge and rolled eff on the floor
7 followed suit
The next thing remember was my military