The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-11-17

iafantile remedy ou: Of the scrapings q
! looking glasses -
II sand what are ths scrapiDgs af lookir;
glasses composed of T"
'.Why, an amalgam Of tin and antimony
a3d arsenic. as a foil for tie mercury. The,
sell this ahominabie stuff at eight cents
pound !, aad if you happen to bug grey-pou
der in a low neighboraoo6, you stand ver1
good ch.ncs OF getting some of it. No
content With poisoning and loading our foo.
with all kinks Of rubbish. they next proceed
to asalterate the drugs We depend upon se
cure us.'
/ "Wel,, upon my word,' said Bob, s.here
we've been joHify;ng At this elegant dcjenael
a ia tourciteste aud sssing all the de!ic.cies
of tbs season, when in comes this learned
wretch aud turns it all into gall and worm.
wood. Let Us see what we've really taken
Why, there's whole paint-bo full -os
paiassto begin wi,h-Prussian blue, tuner
! ic. bold armenian-.
.Stcp bit," cried out Routitaut, ss,hose
preserves look very red-there's cochineal
/ in them-put down cochineal."
"Very well; cschineal-blue, yellow, red
and scaTlet-four coats of pain. for delicate
stomachs."
'Now, then for the minerals. sulphnric
acid in vinegar, lead in my friends rap
! ped,
/ "Stop minu.e," eagerly interposed Rou-
! titout, ''let me examine the knife" and
rushing 20 the pickel jar be triumphan,iy
returned, cooper! told you so-loox at
that coating on the knife. Copper by
jingol"
/ ..yery well--lcsd, "copper""
Sand if any ofyor had happened to have
swee,ened your tooth With that cock cf
magnificent pumage, there would hare been
an addition of mercury and arsenata of cop-
pea, pretty metallic currency TO pat into
your blooi's circulation with. yoat break
fast, and then for a gentle Alternative to-
morrow morning-lntlmony, mercury and
arsenic, alias grey powder, would be likely
10 set all things right with vengeanco,n
and old Routitoui laughed demoniac laugh,
sand stop bit, you have not done yet
there's lime in the egg, sand in the sugar,
horsebiood in the coffee. and perhaps, ma.
hogany saw dast; just throw these little
items in to make it .'thicb and slap"
"Bob." said | turning very briss'y upon
our tormentor, "Iet US wash our mouths uut
with glass Of beer.''
'IIere's to you," he said watching with
his clear, blue eye the "bead bubbles wink
ing at the brin,."
81 dare say now you think that fine bead
is recommendation of your tipple. The
author OF Il practical treatise on brewing.
however let us into the secret; the heading
he tells us, is mixture Of half alum and
half coppe.as ground to ine powder, and
is so called for giving to porter and ales the
beautiful head of froth which constitutes
one Of its peculiar properties, and which
landlords are SO anxious to raise to crafty
their customers. That fine fav or of malt is
produced by mixing salts Of steel with occu.
| ins ,ndiens, Spanish liauorice, tobacco and
salt.o
"But there's nothing Of the kind in pale
ale," replied.
"Well," said be in a half disappointed
tone, 'sthey used to talk about strychnine.
though believe that's all bosh, but you
can't deny the camomiles."
"But what's the use Of Disseminating us
in this way, if traaesmen are all robbers to-
ge,her?" inquired. "What remedy have
wel'
"That's just the thing that the House Of
Commons ut this moment are trying to give
you, Mr.. Seholeiield's bill on the adultera-
ton of food, which was originally intended
to hit the adu!,erator very hard, is emascu-
lated enough, for fear of interfering with
trade but there will be some protection for
the intelligent classes, il is true. Any arti
Gle suspected of being adnlterated, may be
publicly analyzed, and if found to be sophis-
ticatcd the guilty party wlll be liable to a
tine this will lead to the better class OF
tradesman warrantiug their goods as pure,
and the middle and upper classes will, as the
end, reap the benefit of DIR. uassall's invcs-
LEGATIONS, and Mr.. Seholeield's bill--but as
for the poor, God help them! They pay
dear for what they have, and never by any
chance haveit pure, and as they can't afford
to have suspected articles analyzed, they
must 90 to the wall as Of old. We want a
little touch of French despotism in these
matters. Every drop of mix brought into
Paris is tested at the barriers by the lac
tometoT, TO see IL the ''Iron- tailed COW" has
been guilty of dluting it-if so, the whole
Of it is remorselessly thrown in to the gutter
the Paris milk is very pure in consequence.
Ii tTaGesman adulterates any article of
food offered for sale, he is first fined, aud
theu made publically to confess bis faults,
by means of large placard in bis window,
setting forth the exuct nature of tho trick
he has played upon his customers. Imas-
ine some of our leading tradesmen obliged
to sit in sack cloth and ashes, and suffer
this moral pillory! One or two rogues thus
exposed, would have a marvellous effort in
keeping the sand out OF the sugar, and burnt
beans out of the coffee, &c., &C..
Snow then, old fellow, as you have work
cd yourself round into good humor again,
take n weed
"Not the slightest objections in the world,
il is the only thing to be got at unsopbisti-
ca,ed--there is plenty of bad tobacco to be
got 1t is true-but we know it is tobacco.
"There are many tales going about the
fine qualities Of British tobacco. grown in
the Csmberwell cabbage beds-but it is all
fudge"
"Come," said /, s.let's take constitu-
tional in the fresh air, after this lecture"
''Tresh air, indeed;" all our old friends
sayage3ess was evidently reyiving. "Fresh
air, with every gully hole sending forth
streams of sslphurested hydrogen, sulphuric
| acid, impregnated all the water--where on
earth do you find your fresh air e''
Where he would have indeed there is no
telling had not Bob silly tempted him with
humping principle, on which HE mouth
closed with immense satisfaction to oil par
ties concerned"