Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-06-16
$3.50 a YEAR
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

/ What Miss will ruin any man p
-nlsManagement.
Way are Jokes like nuts? Be-
cause the dryer they are the better
they crack.
A teacher Of penmanship, in twelve
lessons, taught a lawyer to read his
own writing.
! Excess Of ceremony shows want
Of breeding, That ciyility is best that
excludes all formaIity.
The awkardness Of BOBBY is oft
en- by a few steps into the world con-
Ncrted into q c0Xcomb.
What trees are those which, after
having been burned, are exactly what
they were before? Ashes.
! when q man makes his wife
handsome present, it is sign that they
have been quarreIing recently.
Ladies who array themselves in
patent hoops should sing, as they dress:
'Stlll SO gently DER me Steozing."
Why is a lady just from boarding
school like building committee? Be
cause she is ready to receive proposals,
The spires Of a very fashionable
church are usually the only thing con
nectcd with it that goes toward heaven
"A Franohman intending to com
pliment young lady by calling her
gentle lamb, said: "She is one NUT
/ ton as is small I"
Fanny Fern says that it is Just as
sensible a move to undertake to Get
married without counting, as to succeed
In business without advertising,
A short time ago a man became
SO completely wrapped in thought"
that he was tied up, labelled and sent
off on the first strain Of ideas"
Florence Nightengale has given
the public, Notes on Nursing. Most
married men have heard notes on the
same subject from younger birds.
The worst form of ingratitude is
to refuse to accept q favor from the
hands of a person to whom you have
had the pleasure Of rendering one
The arm Of pretty girl wound
round your neck has been found to be
an infalable remedy in case of sore
throat. It beats pepper tea all hollow
We always admired the man who,
when asked how old he was answered:
''Just forty; but if you count by the
fun I've seen, I am at least eighty"
An old bachelor, speaking of the
ladies' fashion says people could get
out Of church great deal better if
there was not quite SO much hustle at
the door.
An English paper says that "Gen.
Dred Scott commands the L. S. Ar
my"
But this is cqualed by Democrat
in this town, who says that Jonah did,
Mt swallow the whale because he liked
fish, but to see the effect OH bis bowels.
,"If you marry" said Roman Con
sui to his son, E'let it be woman who
has judgement and industry enough to.
cook meal OF yictuaIs for you; taste
enough to dress neatly; pride enough
to wash before breakfast, and sense
enough to hold her tongue"
"A husband thus announces the de-
partnre Of his dearly beloved: "My
/ wife Anna Maria, has strayed or been
stolen. Whoever returns her will get
his head broken AS for trusting her,
ANYBODY can do as he sees fit !; for %
I never pay my own debts, it is not at
all likely that I shall pay hers"
"A gentleman who had just return
cd from Albany, where he had succeed
ed in lobbying bill in which he was
personally interested, through the Leg
| islature, was accosted with: "WelI,
did you persuade them to pass your
bill % eyes" said he, pulling out his
pocllct-book, Il E7e0se-8oo0y1zea them"
! An American in London was the
other day Boosting Of the immensely Of
this country, had mentioned among
other things that he himself had seen a
CANE MILE LONG. Pray what kind
Of cane was it . asked the company
a HURRICANE, replied Jonathan at the
same time eiecting a very decided
streak upon the stove.
! "A tippler who had a load on, ':fetcll-
ed up" against the side Of a house
which had been newly painted. Shov-
ing himself clear by a vigorous effort,
he took a glimpse at his shoulder, an
other at the house, third at his hand,
and exclaimed, "Wel, that's a careless
trick in whoever painted that house to
leave it standing out over night for
people TO run against" -.~