Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1860-12-15
THE HERALD.
LANCASTER. WIS, SATURDAY. Dec. is, Is 0
The Message "A Paradox edes-
tination-poetic Catastrophles.

The Message "A Paradox
tination-Poetic CatastrophleS.
Renders Of the message will notice that
the Presidents notion Of things is as para
doxcial as the Irish road law,which reads rs
follows:
ar ve keep 10 theleft your 10 60 right;
..If ye keep the right, our sure 10 50 wrong"
He argues that the Union is perpetual,
mo State having the right 10 secede. But,
If any state does secede, the Federal gov
eminent cannot help itself.
II Vermont neslects to repeal her Per-
sonal Liberty law, the South ought to Sc
csde.
The South should not secede because
Kansas has abolished slavery, for the courts
will decide the Kansas law unconstitutional.
AS the courts have the same power to
decide the Vermont law unconstitutional
as that Of Kansas, the President has COM
mitted a be .utiful paradox.
SO runs the message. The States have
no right to secede, but they can secede
they ought to secede, but they cannot; they
will secede but they have no right to, and
therefore can't.
We have rhymed some Of the Presidents
message, thus:
Il is agreed, that they may socede;
And agreed that they eannot seeede;
Damn'd if they do secede, damn'd if they don't;
May secede ifthey want to, but cant if theJ won't
The President has also undertaken to
reconcile restricted salvation ana total de
Iprayity in the north with free grace and
native innocence in the South He on;
ICalyins John Calvin and knocks Wesley in
ito theological camera-obscura. Hear him,
las we lranspose his ideas into poetry:
totally, eternally deprayed-
They can never bo saved
| Except the few ordained,
Who must not be blamed
For eating sour grspes By theit father,
Who no sinner; but rather,
/ Twas so arranged at the beginning
THAI catng evil fruit wasn't SHINING.
Then to the South:
This Great constitutional blunder
l. just ne hiunder, b. thunder;
A viftuous Thing is secession,
Though a constitutional digrcsson.)
Which 10 power earth prevent,
| Unless the northern people repent,
Down on their marrow bones eat dirt,
Ron OYER as dogs their acts all INERT,
And beg soale narrow spot in the union
( For their toiiing million TO meet ia communion.
Then in whisper to South Carolina:
sleed through, for Old Ates at the door,
And ut the Idss Of March or before,
cpeh a rumpus, Wild elatteI and rattle.
So many bfoad-hotns and black eattie,
Aad rail-splittcrs With maus,
Never entered executive hailsl
VIA thou doest, 90 Quickly-tlen scatter
/ To sour holes, to caves, elsewhere, no matter,
/ yor6y the Eternal, Ola Abe won't surrender.
/ or tie whole. or none, he'll be tue defender
So lie quick TO be gone from he Union,
yor if they in eommuai on,
Thsyl SAY wc are eagued in band,
President aud disuiionists hand in hand.
Then Buck SAYS 10 ths democracy, in q
tragic voice:
Logs word 70 you: wSr going, cones
s. Ally Douglas put the kettle On,
Ana fred the pile we went it with a rush,
wouldn't take az oG-all cooked TO mush.
Twas he repeated Missouri compromise,
! Twas he that gave the fatal b.sw likewise
4 By Popular Sovereignty; : sst his eyes,
lie bowed our union high Al The skies;
by Lecomptou English antipodes,
We're followed BY covode's antido,es;
I Then such n smash Of tliuok took fIace.
That ali got beat in the November