The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-02-15
MIsCELLAN EOUs ITEMS.

snort morn durham In ny time.
Why is killing bees like n confess
ion? Because you unbuzzum.
"A man being sympathized with on
account of his wife's running away said {:
"Don't pity mo until she comes back"
A man in Johnson county, Iowa,
sixty-five years Of age, was recently uni
ted in matrimony to girl thirteen.
-"Pa, they tell us about the angry
ocean; what makes the ocean angry ?"-
Oh, il has been crossed so often"
Why does sailor know there is a
man in the moon9 Because he has been
TO sea.
-"My wife," said critic, is the
most even tempered person in the world
she is always mad"
If you wish TO collect together all
the pretty girls in town, advertise "a lee
ture to young men,"
- The lash that man does not object
to have laid on his back is the eyo-lash
of a pretty girl.
A young physician asked permis-
sion of lady to kiss her. She replied !:
No, sir; never like TO have Doctors
bill thrust in my face"
They say that the trumpet players
are doomed to short lives. We doubt
it; we have known men to blow their
own trumpets and achieve old age.
"A sailor, in attempting TO kiss a
pretty girl, got a violent box on tho ear.
"There," he exclaimed, "just my luck ;
always wrecked on the coral reefs"
-"Is it possible, miss, that you do
not know the name of some of your best
friends?" "Certainly-I don't even know
what my own may be year from now"
- Said woman to an old maid "My
husband is not so good husband as he
should be, but he is powerful sight bet
ter than none."
-"Miss, what havo you done 10 be
ashamed of, that you blush so?" "Sir,
what have the roses and tho strawberries
and the peaches done that they blush so y
= If q woman could talk out of the
two corners of her mouth at the same
time, there would be good deal said on
both sides.
An old lady reading an account of
distinguished old lawyer, who was said
TO be father of the New York bar, ex-
claimed: Poor man! he had q dreadful
bad set of children"
-"Did l understand you to say was
lousy, sir?" "Oh, no! merely told my
friends that wher it rained lice in Egypt,
l thought you must have been walking
there without hat or umbrella-that's
all.
A young lady three years old, be-
ing told by her mother to pick up her
handkerchief, replied, "Indeed, l won't!
just do it yourself" "Mollie," says the
mother, "who are you talking tor 81
was just making believe" replied our lit
tie miss, "you was Aunt Brown"
- They have got new plan for the
demolition of bed-bugs in operation "down
East" 1t is done by steam-one wheel
catches them by the nose, another draws
their teeth, while neat little pistol-rod
punches three grains of arsenic down their
throats.
When Jones went to dinner the 9th
er day, he found one of his apprentices in
the kitchen quietly rolling up his sleeves.
"What are you going to doG" said Jones.
"Oh," responded the boy, 81 am 60
ing to dive down into that pot to see if l
can find that meat that the soup was
made FROM"
1t has been suggested that sales
,comen should take the place of sales men
in the dry goods stores. Fanny Fern
says she should like to sec tho expert
ment tried. "When Greek meets Greek"
no matter,t the proverb is somewhat musty.
"A british school master at Board
man, Ohio, has been put under bonds for
beating q young lady of eighteen with an
OK cad, until her back was black and blue.
The girl was good looking, and had re-
sisted the teachers advances to courtship.
Hanging is too good for such villain.
- A Yankee in Utica has invented
and set in operation an artificial lady in
full dress, propelled by small boy, and
advertises to sweep the sidewalks and
crossings for a certain annual salary
The lady is crinolined according TO the
width Of the sidewalk, the crinoline being
so rugged that it can bc widencd or mar
rowed at pleasure.
| MAcAULAY.-The London Post under
stands that Lord Macaulay has left be-
hind him the materials for another vol
ume, the publication of which may, for
+ private and family reasons, be sometime
delaved