The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1860-12-14
How the Minnesotian Obtains its
Late News-..A Narrative, with a
"Moriale," Dedicated to DR.. Thomas
Foster.

broken up tne conspiracy OF the D1snneSotaGn,
to deprive the people of st. Paul of late
telegraphic news, our handsome friend, DR..
FOSTER, has been sorely troubled in spirit.
The genial smile which was wont to illu.
inmate the Websterian massiveness of the
Doctors face, has given way to a studied and
unamiable frown-very alarming to small
children, and decidedly dangerous to ladies
of prospective delicate health. The first
recourse the Doctor had, was to issue q
second edition of his paper, in which he
presented to his subscribers the news which
most of them had taken with their coffee,
hours before, in the PIONEER AND DEMO.
Graf. This worked badly. The Doctor had
not studied MAcH1AvEL1, however, for
naught; and-happy thought-he concluded
to corrupt one Of our employees! The
Doctor, without very great trouble, dis
covered that Mr.. JOSEPH GRANDFATHER,
our Pressman, for and in consideration of the
sum of one dollar, to be to him paid dur
nally, would place under certain stone on
Fourth street, 1--WE have sent that stone to
BARNUM) at the hour of three o'clock each
morning, a copy of the PIONEER AND DEMO
Graf, for that day, containing the latest
Geographic news. On Friday morning
early, when the good Doctor should
have been in bed, he was seen cropping,
"spectacles on nose," among the boulders
of Fourth street. He found the paper in its
appointed receptacle. ALI right so far; but
the Doctor was not be caught by chaff-
not he; he hadn't worn moccasins for moth
ing. There might be trick; so with rare
judgment the issue of the Minnesotian was
kept back, until an early copy of our paper
was secured, and, by comparison, it was
ascertained there was no bogus news afloat
that the arrangement was carried out in
good faith. Fair sailing ahead "Now,"
thought the Doctor, ION Saturday morning
we will lay those fellows out" Saturday
morning came. Again the Doctor visited
Fourth street. The paper was found in the
right place; the news was important !;
printers were hauled from their comfortable
beds; and, in a trice, by unprece denied
industry and energy, the Minnesotian,
"THoMAs FOSTER, Editor" announced to a
wondering and astonished people, that BU-
cHANAN had been stabbed-IvERsoN in
sulted-SEwARD had written a Union letter
-SANBoRN had been tarred and feathered
on the sacred precincts of Bunker Hill, and
a variety of other interesting matters, in
Guiding ''decline of eight cents below yes
terday's prices" in the article of Flour at
New York!
The PIONEER AND DEMOCRAT did not
have the news! The Minnesotian, with
characteristic selfshness, kept it to itself
1t forgot all about newspaper comfy. 1t
never reflected how bad me would feel, at
being beaten in our peculiar field of enter
prise.
s'Alas for the rarity
Of Christian charity,
Under the sun ~
When the Doctor got his paper out,
he did not even have the magnanimity to
enjoy his triumph in quietness: He walked
our streets, from seven until eight o'clock,
glorying over his victory. He was, as a
roaring lion, seeking whom he might de-
YOUR. Meeting A., just rising from a
perusal of the M;nnesotian, with vague me-
tions that everything mundane had been
consigned to old Nick, the Doctor greeted
him with boisterous merriment. "Ha, ha,
old fellow" said he, "money don't always
control late news; brains man, brains (!
have something to do with getting out live
newspaper" Candor compels us to say,
that soon afterwards, the Doctor retired
fromithe streets; and I'VE believe, JACK WARD
couldn't have found him during the rest Of
the day, if he had had bill three feet long,
for collection.
In closing, we must perform an act of
justice to Mr.. GRANDELMYEs, our pressman,
In him, the good Doctor caught Tartar
slightually tartar! His account with Dr..
FOSTER is as follows:
DR.. THOMAS FOSTER
To JOSEPH GRANDFATHER, DIR.
Dec. 6--To l copy PIONEER AND DEMO
GRAFT. 81 w
Dec. ITO copy of same, for which on
account of important news, IS wss
to be paid, as per special agreement. $500
Totai. -. $500. ...S6,Uu
Dec. 7-Received per DR.. Foster. ...... Isl, 90
Leaving balance of................$5,00
which Mr.. GRANDFATHER hopes and ex-
poets will be promptly arranged.
The EXPORTS OF AMERICAN PRODUCE
Theexports from New York last week footed
up the portly aggregate of $2,42l, l76-
nearly million more than the total in the
corresponding week last year. Since the
LIST of January the aggregate reaches $780,
6l6,l26, against $50, 652, 663 last year. An
increase Of thirty millions of dollars in what
we have sold to foreign coun tries is certainly
gratifying fact in these days of business
and political panic. Persons we'll posted
in the produce trade express confidence that
the exports of 1860 will exceed those of