Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1860-05-31
Guun Mistellany,
HOW BEN FURTLE G0T HIS WIFE.
a WESTERN STORY

The very climax OF ugllness va
Ben Purtle. He was red haired, ant
each hair stood as if it cherished th
supromest contempt for his neighbol
His face was MS red as the most be
spotted turkey egg. His nose sup
ported at the bridge large lump
while the end turned viciously to out
side. His mouth had every shape
but pretty shape. His form was
as uncouth as his face was ugly
The very climax of ugliness was Ber
Purtle. What was more still, Ben
had a handsome, bouncing, blooming
wife such as Can only be geown- up
on a farm.
How the deuce, said ] to Ben one
day, did you ever get such wife.
you uncouth, missbapen, quintes-
sence of monstrosity?'
Ben was not at all offended by the
impertinence of my question. and
forthwith began to solve the mystery
thus:
well, now, gals what's sensible
amt cotched by.noue of your purity
and hifalutin airs. I've seed that
tried more'n once. You know Kate
ware alters considerable the purtiest
gal in these parts, and all the young
fellers in the neighborhood used to
try to cotch her. Well, | used to
90 over to old Sammy's, too, just
tc kinder look Cd, you know, and
cast Sleeps eyes at Kate, But
marcy sakesl ! had no more
thought that could get Kate than
Jerusalem cricket could hide on
the hair that wasn't on old Sammy's 5
bald head-no stree. But still l
couldn't help going, an my heart
would kinder 1utter, and my eyes
would burn all over, whenever I'd
90 to talk with Katy. And one
day when Kate sorter made fun OF
me like, it almost killed me sure; |
went home with something like a
rock jostling about in my breast,
and declared I'd hang myself With
the first plow-line l found
Did you bang yourseli?'
No; daddy blazed out to me for
not taking old Ball to the pasture 10
the morning, and scared me SO that !
forgot it,
Go op,' said !, seeing Ben pause
with apparent regret that he had not
executed his vow.
well, soon on Sunday morning
i reckon il was year after that
hanging scrape--l got up and
scraped my face with daddy's old
razor, and put on my new coppros
britches, and a new linsey coat
nanny had died With sassafras bark,
and went over to uncle Sammy's.
Now Ia got TO loving Kate like all
creation, but / never cbeaped to
anybody about my feelings. Bu! !
knowed / was on the right side ol
the old folks
sWell, now, amt it queer, contin.
ued Ben, 'how fellow will feel some.
times? Something seemed to say
as went along, Ben Purtle, this is
a great day for you,' and then my
heart futtered like a jay bird in {
trap. And when l go. there ant
seed Kate with her new checked
home-spun frock on, ! rally though
I should take the blind staggers
anyhow.
Ben paused again to brush tn
fog from his eyes, then continued;
well, I found tho order of tn
day was to 60 muscadine hunting
Joe Sharp and his two sisters, ant
Jim Bowles was thar. I'd knowed
| long time that Sharp was right alte
| Kate, and / lated him worse than
hog hates to find the way out OF
tater patch; but I didn't let on
Sharp had on white britches and ilo
shoes, and broadcloth overcoat, bu
everybody knowed he wasn't worth
red cent. Ee walked with Kate, AM
YOU ought TO have seen the airs b
put on. 1t was Miss Kate this
] aesa Miss Kate that, and all sue
Inonsense. After while We cam
near a sloSgh vhar we had to eros
on log, and l'a-a notion to plte
the sassy sood-for-nothing into th
water