The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1860-11-23
ANECDOTE OF APARROT.

I Tr-
vas generally taken on! OF the room when the
family assembled for prayers, for fear lest he
might take it into his head to join irrevprentIy
( in the responses. One evening, however, his
| presence happened to be unnoiiced, and he was
forgotten For some time he maintained a
decorous silence, but at length, instead of "a
men, out he came with 'Cheers, boys, cheers
On this the butler was directed to remove him.
when the bird, perhaps, thinking that he had
committed himself, and had better apologize
called out, Sorry spoke The overpower
ing effect on the congregation may be more
easily imagined than described"
A SICILY girl in Plymout b, Y. H., a somnam
bulls, with strong propensity 10 walk off with
/ things and hide them where they could not be
found, nor she herself remember, Sc that at last
it was found necessary to lock her ia securely
at night, made off, few weeks slnce, with a
valuable watch Then the family gave her
liberty, aad watched her movements 70 hope
thar the same somnambulsm tina. carried it off
would again find it. The other night she star
ted out followed by her brother. She walked
places that he care not follow but the moon
light helped show her course, and he kept
along. Finally she walked Up The trunk Of an
/ old tree that hung out an angle of fortp-fve de-
grees over brook, stood firmly at the end,
while the tree swayed beneath her, and stoop-
ing down brought out that watch. Returning
to terra tirma the brother walked her, took the
property, and they hurried home.
GA Justice otthe peace in Dubuque, Iowa,
whose love OF hquor exceeds his knowledge oil
law, visited a SICK irIend the other night, upon
whose table stood tumber .of brandy which
had been ordered by the doctor. After little
conversation, the Justice recommended wet
bandage across the eyes as a sure cure for his
friends complaint, and after adjusting one
carefully, soon left the room. Upon removing
the bandage, the sick man found that bis bran
dy had gone, as well as his friend.
NATURAL WEAKNEss.--A ''bumptrous' trav-
eleT, ovettaklng all old Presbyterian minister,
whose nag was much tatIgued, quizzed the old
gentleman upon his 'sturn out" a nice horse,
yours very-valuabfe beast that-but what
makes him wag his tailso, doctor 2'' @Why,
as you have asked me, will tell vou. 1t is
for the same reason that your tongue nags 50,
sort Of natural weakness.
GJHraring q man complain that. political
Paoc5s of all kinds had become such liars that
be d,d not believe any ofthem, reminds us of the
story oi tae miller and his three sons. Coming
nlo the mill and fintiag The grist in the hop |
per, the Old man man cried out 'sTom, !
have you to!led this gFist 20 yes sr.'' ssBil,
have you tolled this girls! - Yes, sir
"Dick, have you loI:ed this grisl ~ eyes, |
sir" you are pack of lying scouudrels,"
SAYS the old man.. 81 don't believe q word
You say-I'll ;ols It myself"
rz-s'Wifa, bring me some cold beef said
shrtiless husband when f0r the first time in his
lie. he discovered that he was more hungry
than lairsly.
There is no besfin ths house." was The
mild reply
"Fetch me some pork, them @
''No pork, either"
"WeI, then, let me have some po,atoes''
"Not polatoe lsit.'
"Thundrr and lightning! get some bread,
them N#+s
"The bread is all gone, too
''WeI, then, give me a knife and fork, and !
lei ne go tbrough the motions ~ ..a |
Nz=Bob Cones, a newly-elected sheriff, was
told BY the judge TO open court. Bob went TO
the door and shouted. - ea
81 call COURT call court Y
"Call w. H, Jones and A. P. Moore" said
the Judge. ..-..- .s..
s'W. H. Jones and A. p. Moore-W. H.
Jones and A. P. Moore - yelled Bob
'sOne at time, Mr.. Sheriff"
"One at time-one at time !"
Snow you've fixed it." .... -.....-
''Needn't come we've fixed :" is screamed
the determined sheriff.
There was no court that day
-.s u - .E...a = ....
The following is very significant epstle
to be pres ented TO the present degenerate age,
which, if answered correctly, would / be found
10 contain more truth than poetry.
Is there heart that never sigheta
Is there tongue that never lied p?
Is there an eye that never blinked
is there man that never drinked2
Is there woman that never tainted
Is there woman that never painted !
If so, then heart, tongue and eve
Must tell most confounded lie
---------- q.
1-"The-e won't be darned thing this
summer but poliiicks,' said Jonathan, who was
discussing business matters at the depot with
friend. | tell you that can't meet ANYBODY
but what they're putting inter me bout the Lit
tie Giant, the Constitution and Spread Eagle,
the Rail-Spliter, and laundering lot OF other
names. Consarn it, why the bull-frogs in the
pond back CT our barn are all on litter, bel
lowing out, "Old Abe-Old Abe-1llinois- {
him through, chug.'
GA lady asked her gardener why the
weeds always outgrew and covered up the fow-
ers ''Madam,n he answered, ''the soil is mo-
ther Of the weeds, but only step-nothsr Of the