The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-05-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


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- A crusty old bachelor says, that
Adams wife was called Eve, because when
she appeared, mans day OF happiness was
drawing to a close.
- 1t is bad sign 10 see man with
his hat off at midnight, explaining the
theory and principles cf black republican
ism to lamp-post.
- A retired school master excuses his
passion for angling by saving that, from
constant habit he never feels quite him
self unless he is handling the rod.
= Women are called the "sofer sex,"
because they are so easily humbugged.-
Out of one hundred girls ninety-five void
prefer ostentation to happiness.
"a fine gold lady's breast-pin" is
advertised rs lost. A bachelor makes the
inquiry if she is single "gold lady," and
is willing TO be changed.
- Franklin seized lightning by the
tail, held it fast, and then tanned it; Morse
put clothes on il, and taught it how to
read and write and also do errands.
=" Father wants you to send him
two yards of black tweed cloth-he don't
care what color it is; and when he kills
his pig, last week, he'll pay you what you
owe him."
=" | know / am perfect bear in
my manners" said young farmer to his
sweetheart "No, indeed, you are not
John, You never hugged me yet; you are
more sheep than BEAR"
- A minister in the western part of
this State, while performing the marriage
ceremony lately, closed as follows: =
"What God hath joined together let not
tho laws Of Indiana put asunder."
"What have you done to further
human progress ?" asked scntentious phi
losopher the other day of jenkins. Jen-
kins reply was clear and decisive: "Tve
seven boys and two girls, sir" The phi
losopher slopcd.
-" You'll have TO bear the response
bility," said mother to bright-eyed
young daughter of our acquaintance who
thought of marrying without the mater
nal appreciation" 81 expect to bear sew
eral, ma" said Fanny.
- Two 1rishmen happened TO GET into
an affray, in which one of them cot
knocked down. His comrade ran up to
him and exclaimed, Arrah, Dinnis, if
We be dead can't ye spake9" "Tm not
dead but spachless,' replied the other.
An old Dutchman undertook to wal
lop his son. But Jack turned upon him
and walloped the old gent. The old man
consoled himself for his defeat by rejoic-
ing in his superior manhood. He said
"Vell, Shack is smart fellow. He can
whip his own taddy."
- Western editor complaining he cold
not sleep one night, summed up the caus-
es, "A wailing babe of sixteen months
old--a dog howlng under the window
q cat in the alley-a colored serenade at
the shanty over the way--a toothache-
and a pig trying to get in at the back
door,"
- A countryman went 10 the tele-
graph Office at st. Louis, and learned that
his wife had given birth to a fine Indian
boy-the operator meant to say "inter-
esiing boy" "Death and glory!" said
the man, jumping about three feet high
81 thought the drotted varments were
about Death and glory Injun~
"Class in the middle of geography,
stand up?'
"What's pyramid?"
"a pile Of men in a circus, one on tor
of the other"
"Where is Egypt?"
"Where it always was"
"Where is Walesp
All over the sea-"
avery well: stay there till | show yot
species of birch well known in thi,
country"
- We Ice saw young man gazing
at the FRY heavens, with in one Etg'
and - of pistols in the other. W.
Ndeavored attract his atl lotion by ling
to 9 in paper, we held in our Eay"
relating young man of that s of the
country who had left in sts of Orange
ment. He dropped I and - of pistol,
from his EE- -EtT with the !, it is o
whom U read. left home B4 my friend.
knew of my Dsign. i so the E9y- of {
girl wo refused lis10 2 me, but smiled
on another. I'D from the house
uttering wild to the god of love, auc
without replying to the 2 2 of my friends
came here with this~-I--> of pistols 2 pu
a to my XislOce. My case has no il
this S.