Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-04-06
FullMygraplls.
W1's END.-The point of joke.

WINS END.-The point of joke.
A SnAKasPERIAN SIGN FOR OPTICIANS. -
Get thee glass eyes,
A HArD CoN.--Why is this conundrum
like a ghost Because verybody has to
s'give it up"
A FLAT~FooTED DR.. DucK-TIoN The YER
dict of coroner's jury in Cincinnati that
man came to his death by the use of GER
tain quack medicines.
The MODERN GOLDEN FLEEcE.-A prize
which the delegates to the Charleston Con
vention will be sure to find at the hotels of
that city. o
Why Is FIFE WELL OF JACOB LIKE A
DUroHMAN's Brewery because He brews
drink there.- Vanity Fair.
nw-A householder in western village,
in filling up his census schedule, under the
column headed, 'sWhere born" describes
one of his children as thorn in the parlor,"
and the o.her sup stairs"
tB What fine head your boy has,
said an admirng friend.
EYES," said the fond father, "be's o chip
of the old block amt you, sonny ?"
81 guess SO, daddy, cause the teacher
said yesterday | was young blockhead. y
CLERICAL SHARPSnooTINa The Presby.
terrain Witness wants to know if 1aptizc
means only to dip Or immense, where Bap.
fists find authority for raising the subject
out of the water, after plunging Where
upon tho Mississippi Baptist answers by
asking, if it means to pour, what authority
have Pedobaptists to stop pouring when
they b.gn?
q Somebody sent us a few days agc
what seems to be capital likeness of Ole
John Brown with pair of horns upon hi
head and long barbed tail. We intenc
sending it to FIX Governor Wise. If Ossa
wattonie had appeared in tn shape In thu
Old Dolnnian, the fiery little Virgnial
would have made a greater fuss, if possible
than he did The fierce old invader o
Harper's Ferry would have wound his tai
around poor Wise's neck before getting
rope around his own.-Erentice.
CY"Julius is evidently we'll acquainted
, w III the diagnosis of his own disease. Hi
explanation is as clear as mud, and must b,
sa.i factory to all
"Julius, is you better this morning 20
enc, was better yesterday, but Use go
ober dat"
, "Am dcre no hopes deu, OBJ your dis
l cover:'
, "Discohery OBJ what ~
! "Your discovery from de conbelescenc
y what am totchiA' you on yer back.'
dat depends, Mr.. Snow, altogedder OF
de prosnostication which amplify do dis
. ease. should dey continuate fatuaiy, d
| doctor links I'se goner. Should dey no
v continuate fatually, he hopes Dis colo'ed in
diwidua won't die til anoder time. AS
, said afore, it all depends on de prognostics
I and till desc come to head, dere am NJ
= telling whedder dis niggar will come to
A. dis continuance or not''
A SHCRT SERMON. - The following
y is given as quaint specimen of c'eri
cal brevity. 1t is ascribed to an oil
: English divine. The text upon whicl
!, it was based is to be found in Titus 1
4 9. He thus unfolded his doctrine:
l. There are three companions will
whom you should always keep on goo,
terms First, Your Wife; Second
! Your Stomach Third, Your Con
I" science.
=, II. If you wish to enjoy peace
- long life, and happiness, preserve then
by temperance. lntemperance produ
ces First, Domestic Misery Second
! Premature Death Third, Inidelity
= 10 make these points clear, ! refe
you; First, To the Newgate Calen lar
Second, 10 the Hospitals, Lunatic Asy
lums, Warehouses Third, TO the pas
experience Of what you have seen, read
j, and suffered, in mind, body, and estate
"Reader, decide! which will 20,
> choose? Temperance, with happiness
and long life; or lntemperance, will
misery and premature death p?
: ERRONEOUS ESTIMATE OF BOYS
Douglas Jerro!d was considered dull