The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1860-04-25
CHIPS AND SHAVINGS.-


Name and you break me? Silence.
REVERENCE YOUR SUPERIOR. Yes
but who is he?-Boston Post.
What is larger for being cut at both
ends? A ditch.
What is most like horses shoe? A
mares.
Why are fixed stars like pen, ink, and
paper? They are stationary.
Why is tooth drawn like a thing
forgotten? 1t is out of the head.
Why is grass like mouse? The
cattle eat it. (The cat'll eat it..
Why is a good tavern like bad one?
They are both in-convenient. Qnn9
The hope of the plundered topper
the restoration of the Bourbon.
Why is Jew in fever like dia-
mond ring? He is jewel. (Jew Ill.,
Why is beehive like SPECTATOR
1t is a beholder. (Bee holder.)
Why is heedlessness like a ragged
coat? 1t is bad habit.
What word is shorter for having a.
syllable added? Short.
What people can never live long,
nor wear great coats? Dwarfs.
Did you ever see bun dance on a
table? l often see abundance on ta-
bles.
Why are the fixed stars like wicked
old men? They scintillate. (Sin till
late.)
Why is an angry man like ffty-nine
minutes past twelve? He is just ready
to strike one.
Why is an orderly schoolmastcr like
the letter G? He makes lasses into
classes.
Why is greedy boy like grubworm?
Because he makes the butter fly. (But-
terfy)
Why is room full of married people
empty? Because there's not a single
person in it.
My chief abode is underground.
Yet often on the neck I'm found.
"A MOLE.
To half your wish join half your fear,
And, 10! a partner will appear.
WIRE.
What class Of people bear name
meaning"I can't improve?" Mendi-
cant. (Mend I can't.)
SCANDAL, LIKE DIRT, WILL RUB OFF
WHEN IT GETS DRY. True; but, like
dirt, It's very apt to leave stain.
If tough beefsteak could speak
what.English poet would it name?-
Chaucer. (Chaw, sir.)
Why is an uncut leg of bacon like
Hamlet is his soliloquy? 1t is ham lei
alone. (uamlet alone.)
A lecturer asserted that all bitter
things were hot. "No," suggested
Brown, s'not a bitter cold day. y
Why is miser like man with &
short memory? He's always forgetting
(For getting.)
Why is side-saddle like four
quart measure? Because it holds {
gallon. (Gall on.)
Every man thinks that Caesars wife
ought to be above suspicion; but he il
farless particular as to what Caesar him
self ought to be.
THE GOLDEN AGE NEVER WAS TIL
PRESENT AGE. The proverb was writ
ten before the discovery of the Pacific
Dorado.
The ASS THAT CARRIES WINE, DRINKS
WATER. That is because he Is an ass
The choice shows the donkey.
WHEN THE WINE is IN, THE WIT rs OUT
That is bad;~ but what shall be don,
when the wit is in and the wine is out?
ZENo THOUGHT SILENCE THE FIRST o.
THE VIRTUES. 1t Is certainly yer,
quiet one; but even Zeno could not kee]
lit.
/ IT is NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN. Blu
another proverb says ''You can't teacl
an old dog new tricks" Put that ant
that together.
/ GoeD ADyIcE.-An exchange says
Never take paper more than two year
without paying the printer. To whicl
we add-If, at the end of that time, tn
printer insists on having his pay, b
sure and stop the paper in disgust.
Bar "Mother can't I 60 and get M,
Nichols to take my daguerreotype p
"No, my child; Iguess it isn't wort
while"
"Well, then, you might let me hav
tooth pulled; I never go anywhere!
ell H. -