The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-07-12

| hELIANCE UPON 1OBACCO. we Will
first hear from King Alcohol and the
governors of his provinces, and then I
wish especially to hear from his prime
minister, my highly valued friend and
servant Tobacco, who stands yonder en-
velopcd in smoke" -...
opposite the throne. His aspect was
fierce and frigh, full his head large; his
hair clotted J; his eyes were like lightning.
His nose was like the proboscis of an ele-
phant, and coiled like the worm of
still /; and his bowels seemed transparent
with the glowing fires of furnace In
Kissing accent thus he spoke: " Your
majesty think, will bear witness that
no power has done you more service than
myself. To deceive and destroy is my
nature and aim and yet 1 have not been
able to do your majesty as good service
as formerly. Since our last meeting l
have failed TO tnvent any ne,c species Of
alcoholic drink. Your majesty is aware
Of my plan to quiet temperance men, and
abate their zeal, by putting the decanters
out Of sight in rum taverns. Still they
are carrying forward their schemes of
temperance taverns; and, should such
houses be generally established, they
would give the cause responsibility and
authority, aud fear they would be gen
orally patronized by the respectable pos-
tion Of the community. You are aware
Of the immense injury that would result
to our cause from such an event but 1t
shall not succeed, II unwearried labor
and deceitful ,oiles can prevent 1t. Igive
way for the faithful Powers Of high Sa-
tanical labor to speak their minds
Then BRANDY rising, with blu # red
cheek, said that he was steadily at his
work of ruin, and succeeded we'll. He
run like liquid fire through the whole
system, but made permanent lodsment
in the liver, producing tubercles, absces-
ses and scirrhus. His victims we're
numerous, and carried his mark on their
faces. He advised unwearied labor, and
that every devil make himself as agreea-
Lie and ,oinniny as possible.
GIN, with pale aud haggard aspect,
rising, said, that, taking hold of the
fluids of the body, he rapidly carried
them off through the kidneys, cmaciated
and destroyed; that he was steadily at
work, and probably had more on the way
to destruction than any other devil, un-
less it vas his brother whiskey, or his
brother Tobacco. Onuard, is my adoice.
| WHIsKEY, rising quickly, with bloat-
cd appearance, thanked Gin for his COM
pliment; said he hoped not to be outdouc
by any devil in conclave. He scorched
the stomach, bleared the eyes, and, burn
ing his victims with inward FIRE, he was
able very soon to bring them into state
was customary for number Of devils to
assemble, aud, after sporting themselves
with the vagarics of the poor wretches,
and nearly bursting themselves with
laughing, they sat heavily on their souls,
bid them despair and die. My advice is,
Never rest.
Rum, with face purple looking, lean
and blotched, rose and said that he took
a powerful hold of the stomach, bowels
and brain, and must confess that he took
great pleasure in the disease, and death
he procured. My advice is, Hope for
complete success.
BEER, pot.bellied and bloated, rising,
said, that he grasped the liver, and made
himself fun with the hypochondria of his
victims. He struck many down with
apoplexy, had encountered much opposi-
tion; but was still driving good bust
ness of disease ard death. Unwearied
diligence is my counsel. "a continued
dropping wW ,eear au1y stone.'
WINE, with cherry looking face, and
corpulent, rising, said, that he rejoiced
to say that he left no organ untouched ;
that he inflicted an admirable degree Of
pain BY the gout and gravel; that he
moved among what is called the higher
circles was doing good business, and
daily sending many to the grave and
hell. DeceiiOe and harden, is my advice.
CIDER, with sodden aspect and red
nose, rising, said. that he effected the
functions Of the stomach and liver, pro-
duced jaundice, gall-stones, &c; that he
still found fools enough to favor him,
aud that he was still able to Deceive many
with reference to his true nature but nc
was proud to say that the true spirit OF
a devil was in him. My counsel is, Nere'
tire
The chief demon then bowed his head
and, extending his hand toward Tobacco,
TOBACCO arose. He was being of great
stature, and the most filthy of the hell
ish crew, On the top of his head rose
large tobacco plant the leaves of which
he moved by the mere effort Of his will
His skin was dry, and the color Of a scar
ed tobacco leaf. One cheek was dstend
ed with the weed which bore his name
and the juice Of which constantly oozed
from his mouth, and fell in drops upor
his dark aud filthy breast. A jar of smut
was buckled with strong belt to hi
side, and he kept one Land constant,
ti.illating his proboscis with its contents
while with the other he held huge pipe
} which he frequently put to his mouth
/ and from which issued smoke like tn
smoke Of a furnace. He spake with
: grating nasal twang: "May it please you
majesty, and you, most potent, gray
t and reverend seniors, have long know
f that my labors were second to none i
7 the cause; and your majesty may res
y assured, as long as | find favor anon
{ the posterity Of Adam, the glorious caus
4 of intemperance, which has kept NOR
= from the cross and from heaven than an
other, will 20 on. To all the powers tn;
be bid defiance to stay the onward, de-
q n1afinfr prc~.o.n ec =: