New Oregon plaindealer. (New Oregon, Iowa) 1859-1866, 1860-12-21
Artcmus Ward on his visit to
.-1E. - ABE LINCOLN ITO loI


-'1E. - ABEL1NCOLN.I E@o I'D
I hiv no politics. Nary a one. n Tn
not in the bi'nis. If I was I spose
should holler versiffrusly in the streets
at mite and 60 home to Betscy Jane
smelliA Of coal lilo and gin, in tho morn
in. shoul 60 to the Poles arly.,
should stay there all day. I should see
to it that my nabcrs was thar. Ishould
git carriges to take the kripples. the
infrm and the indignant thar. Ishould
be on guard agin frauds and sich. !
should be on the look out for the infa
mus lise of the enemy, got up jss be4
elecshun for political efeck. When all
was over and my candydate was elect,
ed. 1 should move heving & arth-sc
to speak--until Igot orfce which if
didn't git a orfice should turn round
&abooze the ADMINISTRATION with all nv
mite and maine. But I'm not in the
bisncss. I'm in a far more respectful
blsness nor what pollcrtics is. I wouldn't
give too cents to be Congresscr. The
wuss ms lit lever received was wen SER
tin citizens of Baldinsvills axed me to
run fur the Legislator. Scz L,"Mv
trends, dostcst think Id stocp to that
there?" They turned as white as a
sheet. I spoke in my most OF fullest
tones, & they knowd I wasn't to be tri
fled with. They slunked out of site to
onct. ...
Thcre4 hevin no politics, Imade bold
to visit Old Abe At his humstld in Spring
field. I found the old feller in his par
lur, surrounded by perfcck storm of
orfioe seekers. Known he had beeD
csoting of a hat-boat on the roarin Mis-
sissippy l thought I'd address him IN
srilor lingo, SO sez I, cod Abe, ah,y!
Let out Yer mainsuls, reef hum the fore.
castle & throw yer jiDpoop overheard,
Silver ny timbers, my hartyw (N.B
His is genuine mariner langwidge. I
know, becawz Eve seen sailor plays act
ed out by them New York theater fel
rs.) Old Abe lookt up quite cross
Z sez, "Send in yer petition by & by.
I can't POS sibly look at it now. Indeed
can't, IT'S onpossible sirn
"Nr. Linkin, who do you 'spcct I air
'el /.
"a orfce seeker to be sure.n sed he.
''W all, SIR sed ], you's never more
mistaken in your life. You hain't got
| orifss I'd take under no circumstance.
I'm Warl. Wax tiggcrs is rsy per.
i.shun. Tm the father of Twins, and
hey look like me,-both ofthem. Icum
% pay friendly visit to the President
,le:k of the United States. If 50 bv
you wants to see me, say -ifnot. say
20, and Pm off like Aug handle"
"Mr. Ward, sit down. I am glad to
see you, sir.''
"Repose in Abraham,s Buzzump scd
one of the orfice seekers, Lis idee bein
10 git orr a goak at my expence.
wall, sez I, "ef all yu fcllers repoze
in that there Buzzum, there'll be mighty
poor nussin for sum Of fyu!' whercupon
Old Abe buttcned his wcskit clear up
and blusht like.a maiden of sweet 16.--
Jestat this pint of the conversashun
smother swarm of orfcc seekers arroye
& cum ptlin into the parler. Sum
wanted post oriiccs, sum wanted col
lcctorships, sum wanted furrin missions
md all all wanted sumthin. thought
Old Abe would 90 crazy. He hadn't
more than had time to shake hands with
EN- before another tremcnjis crowd came
porin into his premises. His house and
looryard was now perfeckly overAowel
with orifice seekers, and clamerus for
lmmejit interview with Old Abe. One
man from Ohio, who had about seven
lncnes of corn whisky into him, mistook
me fur Old Abe and addrested me as the
Pra-hayie Flower of the West!' Thinks
I you want orfce putty bad. Another
man with giltdheded cane, red noze
told Abe he was a seekind Washington