The Portage County Democrat. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1860-01-04
for tgf Dome Girtle.
From Once Week.
The Lucky Advertisement.

TWenty-one years ago, was sitting by my
ire.side. footing up inpumerable pages of my
bachelors house keeping book. taking ,exer.
else in arithnetic on long columns of
petty cash -comprising items for carrots
and bath bricks. metal tacks and mutton chops
until tired and wearied, I arrived at the sum
total, and jerked the books on the mantei.
piece. Nearly at the same time placed my
hand in the pocket of my dressing gown, drew
out leather case. and lit principe. Well,
having lit the principe, I placed my feet on
the fender and sighed. exhausted by the long
job of domestic accounts. was then in bu
siness-'twas a small wholesale business then,
tis large one now-yet one mornings tot
tings of carrots and bath.bricks, of metal tacks
and mutton chops, would tire me thousand
times more than twenty-four hours of honest
ledger work. sighed. not from love, but
from labor; for to tell you the truth, / had
never been in love. Is this to go on forever
thought as took my third Whit, and looked
dreamily through the thin smoke as it ascen.
ded between me and large print of the cap.
ture of Gibralter which hung over the Chin
ney piece. Am to spend my prime in tot
ting up parsuips, aud computing carrots, and
eomptrolling washing bills! sighed again,
and in the act, off few the button of my neck.
band, as though some superior power had
seasonably sent the accident to remind me of
my heipleasness
1 The button settled the busine ss; though as
it slipped inside my shirt, and passed with its
mother-o-pearl coldness over my heart, it for
moment threatened to chill my matrimonial
resolution. pitied my own lonely state. and
pity, we know, is akin to love. But how was
the matter TO be accomplished Most men of
my age would already have adjusted their in
cination TO some object; so that having made
J up their mind and counted the cost, little more
would have remained to be done than to de-
eide upon the day, and lay hold upon the IL
: cense. This, however, was not the case with
me. L had been too much occupied too idle,
or too incident to devote the tins or make
the effort to form an attachment 1t was
through no disincination or difficulty to be
} pleased; for had any young lady of moderate
ly agreeable powers taken the trouble, she
might have married me long ere then.
should even have been grateful to her for ta.
king the trouble off my hands; but was too
bashful to adopt the initiative.
Il was bashful man. This weakness came
from the same cause as my uncle Toby's-
namely, want of acquaintance with female
society. which want arose from another cause
|. namely, too close an application to business.
r Accordingly thought of an advertisement;
q yet with no practical design of doing business,
but, as persuaded myself, for joke. So 1
scratched with a pencil on the back of letter
; the following:
WANTED WHE-None but principals
. need apply The advertiser does not require
cash. but companion. He is six and twenty,
8 and. tired of single, he thinks he can settle
d down to married life. AS men 90, he believes
he has moderate share of temper, and want
of time is his only reason for having recourse
n to the newspapers. He has enough means for
himself and second party. and is willing to
n treat at once, He is quite aware that great
!, many attempts to convert his honest intentions
=. into an extravagant joke will be made, but he
. warns all rash intruders If he finds man
hardy enough to make sport of bis affections,
/. ne will thrash him-if woman he will for.
give her. He has heart for the sincere, a
q horsewhip for the impertinent. In either
n case, all applications will be promptly attend
ia ed to, if addressed to P. P, to the efice Of
this paper
q, felt proud of my composition, and puffsd
of away nt my principe with vague glee and
B. anticipation of something coming of it. l
is had no great idea that anything but fun would
ID result; and certainly had not the slightest
netion of involving myself in a personal col
n. lision with any one Still the presentimen,
y that it was not destined to be oil a barren
ze joke, pressed upon me. On Saturday the ad
O. vertisement appeared, and heard its style
le canvassed by all my friends, and it was joking
lily suggested by more than one, that was the