Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1860-01-20
GrntraL tAtstrIIanu.
from Once Week.
HOW AN ADVERTISEMENT GOT A

WIZ Il.
Tobacco is the tomb Of love" writes
modern novelist of high standing but, with
every respect for his authority, beg to say
it was quite the contrary in my case.
Twenty-une years ago, | was sitting by my
FIRE side totting up innumerable pages Of my
bachelors housekeeping book. taking exercise
in arithmetic on long columns of petty cash
-comprsing items for carrots aud bath-bricks,
metal tacks and mutton chops--until. tired
and wearied, arrived at the sum total. and
ierked the book on the mantle-plece. Nearly
at the same time | placed my hand IN the
pocket Of my dressing-gown, drew out
leather case and liz principe. Well. having
lit a principe, | placed my feet on the fender
and sighed, exhausted by the long job o. do
meatic accounts. / then in business
twas a small Wholesale business then. It's
large one now--yet one mornings totting of
carrots and bath bricks, Of metal tacks and
mutton chops, would tire me a thousand times
more than twenty-four hours Of honest ledger
work / sighed not from love, hut from la
Dor; for to tell you the truth. ! had never
been in love. Is this TO 90 on for ever! thot
l, as took my third whif and locked dream
ily. tbransh the thin smoke as it asconded
between me and a large print OF the vuPsurs
of Gibraltar which hung over the chimney
piece And ! TO spend my prime in 'otting
up parsnips, and computing carrots, and
comptrolling washing-bills: l sighed again,
and in the act Oft few the button Of my neck
band as though some superior power had
seasonably sent the accident to remind me OF
my helpessness.
The button settled the business; though
It slipped down inside my shirt, and passed
with its mother-o pearl e1lduess over my
heart. it for moment threatened to chill my
matrimonial resolution. | pitied my own
lonely state, and pity, we know. IS akin TO
love. But how was the matter to be accom-
plished Most men Of my age would already
have adjusted their inclination 90 some OBJ
ect; so that having made mp their mind and
counted the cost, little more would have re-
maincd TO be done than 20 decide upon 'hc
day. and lay hold upon the license. This,
however, was not the ease with me. had
been too much occupied, too idle, or too in
dolcnt TO devote the time to make the effort
to 'form an attachment 1t was through no
dsinclnation OF difficulty to be pleased; for
had any young lady of moderately agreeable
powers taken the trouble, she might have
married me long ere then. should even
have been grateful to her for taking the trouble
] on my udhuaf OuN was Noo oaaului ." auNpe
the initiative.
was a bashful man, This weakness came
from the same cause as my Uncle Tobys-
namely, want Of acquaintance with female
society, which want arose from another cause
in my case-namely, too close an application
to business.
/ Accordingly thought of an advertisement;
yet with no practical design of doing business,
but, as pursuaded myself. for joke. So
scratched with pencil on the back of a let
ter, the following:
"WANrED WIFE None but principals
need apply. The advertiser does not require
cash, but only a companion. He is sx-and-
twenty, and tired OF single he thinks he can
settle down to married, life. As men 20, he
believes he has a moderate share of temper
and want Of time is his only reason for having
recourse to the newspapers. He has enough
means for himself aud a second party. and is
willing to treat at once. He is quite aware
that a great many attempts to convert his
honest intentions into an extravagant joke will
be made. but he warns all rash intruders. If
he finds man hardy enough to make sport
of his affections, he will thrash him-if wo-
man, he will forgive her. He has a heart for
the sincere, a horsewhip for the impertnent.
H
/ ly attended to, il addressed TO =. p, to the
Office Of this paper"
/ | felt proud Of my composition, and pulled
away at my principe with glee and anticipa-
ton of something coming out Of it, had no
very great idea that anything but fun would
result; and certainly had not the slightest
notion of involving myself in personal col
lision with any one. Still the presentment
IL % nal bo oil
Joke, pressed upon me. On Saturday the ad-
yertisement appeared, and l heard its style
canvassed by all my friends, and il was ok-
/ ingly suggested by more than one, that was
the domestically destitute individual who put
/ it forth.
/ On Monday morning. / sent boy to the
newspaper office fer p. P.'s letters. / ex-
pected he might be followed by some curious
and inquisitive persons so told him on bis
way back to call at a bachelor neighbor's Of
mine for book. The trick told. The lad
was followed by some persons who never lost
/ sight of him until they ran him TO my friends,
and then they went back and announced that
he was the advertiser. thus discharged IN
/ full a Joke which my neighbo had played upon
me, The answers were of the usual character
several seeking to elicit my name, and still
J
was to exhibit myself with flower in my
button-hole and white handkerchief in my
hand. One only looked like business. 1t
was from lady, WIN proposed an interview
in neighboring city, about 40 miles north.
She said there was something so frank aud
straightforward in my advertisement, that she
was convinced it was real, and she could rely
upon my keeping her name secret, il after we
met nothing came Of the meeting. She would,
therefore, meet me at the, at, on a
certain day, and II mutual appreciation did not
follow the interview Why there was no harm
done
Most people would have put down this as a
trap to give me a journey for nothing. did
not. presentment impelled me to accept
and keep the engagement.
This was in the cold coaching days, when
man had time to mako an acquaintance in for
ty miles, not as now, when you are at your
journeys end before you have looked round
your company in railway carriage There