Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1860-07-25
Uarirtp.
WANTED-A MINISTER.


We have been without a pastor,
Some eighteen months or more,
And though candidates are plenty
We've had at least 4 score:
All of them "tip top" preachers.
Or so their letters ran
We're just as far as ever
FROM setting on the man.
The first who eame among us
BY no means was the worst.
But then we didn't ti,ink Of him,
Because he was the first,
1t being quite the custom
To sacrifice q few.
Before the church in earnest,
Determines what to do,
There KAT a smart young fellow
With serious, earnest way.
Who, but for one great blunder,
Had surely won the day;
Who left so COED impression,
On Monday one or two
Went round among the people
To see if he would do.
The pious, godly portion
Had not q fault to find,
His clear and searching preaching
They thought the very Kind;
And all went smooth aud pleasant,
Until they heard the views
OF some influential sinners
Who rent the highest pews.
On these his pungent dealing
Made but a sorry hit;
The coat of gospel teaching
Was quite too tight 4 fit.
of course his fate was settled
Attend, We parsons ALL
And preach TO please the sinners
Ifyou would get a eali.
Next came a spruce young dandy,
He wore his hair too long;
Another's coat was shabby.
And.his voice not over strong;
And one New Haven student
Wa worse than all of those
We couldn't hear the sermon
For, thinking ofhis nose.
Then worrying of candidates,
W. looked the eouatry through,
Mid doctors and professors,
To find one that would do;
And after much discussion,
On who should bear the ark,
With tolerable agreement,
We fixed on DR.. Parke.
Here then we thought it settled.
But were amazed TO find
Our catering invitation
Respectfully declined. q
We turned to DR. Hopkins, q
To help Us in the lurch,
Who strongly thought that college
Had claims above "our church."
Fext we dispatched committees
BY twos aud threes to urge
The labors for a Sabbath
OF the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
He came-a mark'd sensation.
80 wonderful his style,)
Followed the ereaking Of his boots,
As he passed up the aisle.
His tones were so affecting,
His gestures so divine,
a lady tainted in the hymn,
Before the second line
And on that day he gave Us,
In accents clear and loud.
The greatest prayer ever addressed
To an enlightened crowd.
He preached a double sermon,
and gave US angels food,
On such alovely topic
The joys of solitude
All full Of sweet descriptions
OF flowers and p9arly streams,
Of warbling birds, and moonlit groves,
And golden sunset beams.
Of faith and true repentance,
He nothing had to say;
He rounded all the corners,
And smoothed the rugged way;
Managed with great adroitness
To entertain and please,
And leave the sinners conscience
Completely at its ease.
Six hundred is the salary,
We gave in former days.
We thought it very liberal.
And found 1t hard TO raise;
But when we took the paper,
We had no need to urge,
To raise a cool two thousand,
Fur the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
In vain were all the efforts
We have no chance az all
We found ten city churches
Had given him a call;
And he, in rrayerful waiting,
Was keeping all in tow;
But where they paid the highest,
1t was whispered he would go.
And now, good Christian brothers,
We ask your earnest prayers.
Thst Sod would send a shepherd,
To guide our church affairs,
With this clear understanding
a man, to meet our views,
Must preach to please the sinners,
And fill the vacant pews.