, 1860-11-06


|lc cGuI4 tcll thc,u news. "lNhy," says he, IT
have married my tailor's daughter II he was
1shc why Ee did so, the old gentleman re-
iii. j, "Nhy, the father s,iited inc SO well for
forty years past, that thought the daughter
Mi. .ht suit 1nc for forty years to come
The following notice, written on the door
cat, that The scIool.naster is abroad :" Kca
at ti,c wooden house ntcks dor"
A celebrated author says that in sleep NC
are especially open to heavenly influence.
Iiox about the nightmare?
There il man in Totnes so knowing that
the men who don't know their own minds
conie 10 hiul for information OIL the subject.
"A brilliant young gentleman remarked
the o1her day. to lady with whom lie was
bowling tcn-pinR:
II think. Miss, that you would hare made a
capital baker"
"lndccd, Sir! WAy?"
"Bccausc you make such excellent rolls
An Indian and white man were passing
along Etrect, when the former espied Will
dow full Of wigs, and pointing to the owner,
him great ulan-bi: Drave-take many
sealps!'
"A cockner conducted two ladies to the
observatory to see all eclipse OF the moon.
Thry were too late; the eclipse was over, and
the ladies were disappointed. "Oh,' exclaimed
our hero, "don't fret know the astronomer
we'll; he is very polite man, and am sure
he will begin again"
RUSTIC S1MPL1cITY.-A country girl who
had lived in a small farmhouse where bells
were unknown, went to liyc as parlor maid
which it WAS her duty to answer, and as she
did not rise to 50, a fcllow-scryant said, Why,
Mary, don't you answer tho bell; don't you
know missus wants you? 'No;' replied the
girl, If her wants 1nc why don't 1tr Ao9!er!"
-"Dcar Laura, when VIC were courting, you
were very dear to Mc; but now you're my
wife, and I am 1ayin. your bills, you seem to
get dcarcr and dcarcr!
"A short time ago I man became so COM
pletcly " wrapped ii thought that he was lied
up, labeled, and sct off on the 'train Of ideas"
Tall gentlemen arc always successful, be-
cause the ladies arc all in favor Of hy-nlcn.
= Thr habit Of drinking can he cured By
giving the drinkers all the liquor they want to
drink oil the time. We know Of two In our
own experience who were cured in three
weeks. One Jumped out Of q fonrth-story
window and ran 4 cuTtstone into his head.
The other didn't get up ono morning, and has
now . curt,stonc growing over his head in tho
graveyard.
-"Why is The letter D like ring:" said
yonng lady to her accepted. The gentleman,
like the generality of Lis sex In such a situa-
tion, was as dull as a hammer: "Because,'
added the lady, witha very modest look at the
picture at the other end Of the1oom, because
t1e can't be 'ssd without it."
--"Tlc boy at the head OF the class will
state wla. were the dark ages Of The world"
Boy hesitates. "Ncxt- Master Jones, can you
tell mo what the dark ages were?" II guess
they were the ages bciorc spectaclcs were in
vented"
-"Wife, bring me some cold beef" said a
shiltlcss husband, when, for the first time in
than thirsty.
"There i no beef in the house." was tho
mild reply.
Fetch nc some pork, then
"No pork, either"
"We1, then. let nc G have some potatoes"
Not potato left"
Thunder aud lightning! get some bread
then"
"Thc bread ia all gone, too.''
SWELL, then, give me knife and fork, and
1T me 60 through the nloFions."
AT late military dinner one Of the visit
or5 proposed i toast, May the man who has
lost orc eye in tic scfsita Il his country never
SEE distress with tic other" But tno person
whose duty it WIS to read the toast, by omit.
,ny the word "diRtress.r completely changed
the sentiment, aud caused much 1uez1iment By
luz o'uuoe .,,.t
az y r,["lin. Moopc had IN ~" Ia,nsnt Of 1as M
1:aus ,.nS aa,,' ~a us' ,or 1,a.rns ,y;ti, .
s.on ; ~ noo, Wr'aro r - 1r,n,n tI;s wos to1]
s.oGi, .i'S str",,s,o5 p.a osnrrndM noth;uc
ii more natural for literary lady than ~
double down page" I would rather" re-
piled his lorlsliip, advise Lady Caroline te
1a,e., ,r.,,rr, ,.lr.. ,,n,.,.nx f.o,, Ira
,I o., a,,,..-;,,M or1n1, ta,.aI,, ea1 a non,,
! t-T,r.n n liz aTinn.rarr snuirn sitting oye1
his pint of wine ia the coffee room. "Bloot
T: and 'oupds, nv de.r fcl{ow,' said he, e~laal
arc you ABOUT :+.i TOR tne nohor nor o. iipPe1a
~. herea ia .i;?s, t:Nai.a rin,rsn,f ru .;s,
; countryman, was fl.c rcn1r: III thc seyenti
: have had, and every one In the room know
F.: II"
j An old grub, in the city Of Glasgow, VIII
+. discounted bills lor lis friends On promise +
:: pay" and who held good back securities, il
feed r. cosh sn,s1, II, for H., ~,.c, Z,
! Discount required additionaI security. TIL
frientl, who little expected . request Of I'll
k1nd, new into g. 4 violent DC, ragc: , =.
s.cnritri,' s''o ''A ~A' ~
VIII ,,,c, ,, o~c,,;,,os II, n IN, d,.cor,+n,
.,,,s, hrs,. lin for,.nr9 ond -. ns III nc,cr Ia
eon,, +ho t5cntIo1nsr ~ t1rn 1occnt nm /
s.r y. re41,r h;r, o',d y.,,1 "et ti,e s;,,crT
''' ~ ' ""1 49, sf"~''
! we ialely picked up the following meme
fanoa, WHICH We saw aforpea o!a Young aa
attired IN ~ elegant veivct talma, an c1qnisit
nohton coi,af, Wnlte nat ana pune, aaa
! patn1hH9 oI1Iiaht aalh orcss, Win cA1!aEsea1
aounces: must gGt fail, Sarcknct, t5auS
/ aFoun doss, Lalse, olymmezc1, hulone-'
E.Al ru43 H. Id tAn&