The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-03-28
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

- If il were not for misfortune there
would be but little wisdom.
= Cheerfulness, temperance and tran
guilty are natures best nurses.
= Cash helps along courting amazing
ly-no doubt ont.
= No true gentleman will make use
of profane language.
: A woman smoking a cigar-ashes
at one end, ashes at the other.
= How 10 become great broker
break little every three months.
- Whoever makes the fewest persons
uneasy, is the best bred in the company.
- Life is like certain sort of boat
raco-success depends entirely upon the
skulls.
= Keep your temper under proper re-
straint; it is one of the great secrets of
perfect happiness.
= Somebody defines character as only
personal property which every body looks
after for you.
- Running accounts will rm away
with persons credit more rapidly than
anything else.
"A grain elevator is being built at
Montreal which will cost one hundred and
twenty-five thousand pounds sterling.
Very extensive ruins of an ancient
city have been discovered in New Mexico,
ninety miles northeast of Fort Stanton.
- The Southern Indianian, hereto
fore black republican sheet, has aban-
doned that sectional party and enrolled it.
self under the democratic banner.
- The daughter of Robert Burns has
received only about 81 600 from the sub
scription made in her behalf in Great Brit
ain
= The current coin of life is plain,
sound sense. We derive a moro substan-
tial and thriving trade with that than
aught else.
= A dealer in whisky ut Dunkirk,
heads his advertisement " Grand Ascen-
sion v' Probably in order to attract the
attention of those who wish to "get high"
= An ignorant man who "stands up
on his dignity" is like tho fellow who
tried to elevate himself by standing upon
piece of brown paper.
If you wish TO carry home a shirt
fall of sore bones, just undertake to part
an Irishman and his wife when they are
exchanging irons.
=" "Smith, will you join us in advocat-
ing abolitionism?" "No, thank you-I
never advocate treason; but if you will call
it republicanism, | don't care if l do
-"What are you looking after, my
daughter?" said an old gentleman at a
Christmas party. "Loking after SON.
in-law for you, father" was the witty re-
ply.
= The National Era, in Washington,
is 10 be discontinued. Reason-no gov
ernment patronage, and too much aboli-
tionism. Verdict, "Died in the WOOL"
Milwaukee News.
- II is in vain to stick your finger in
the water, and, pulling it out, look for
hole; and equally vain to suppose that,
however large a space you occupy, the
world will miss you when you die.
- An original way of answering two
questions at time: Here, Biddy, my
darlint, what's the time o'night, and
where's tho pertaty pudding?" Its
eight, sir"
= An editor in Maine has never been
known 10 drink any water. He says he
never heard water was used rs general
remedy but once--in the time of Noah
when it killed more than it cured.
- The old man looks down, and thinks
of the past; the young man looks up, and
thinks of the future; the child looks ev-
erywhere, and thinks of nothing; and
there arc great many children in the
world.
= A Connecticut correspondent says:
=" Having made call on o neighbor, /
happened to take up on old family bible,
and on looking over the family record, i
saw an account Of birth written in this
wise: Elizabeth Jones born on the goth
November, 1885, according to the best Of
her recollecionr"
- A gentleman was invited by q lady
to leap year party in Norwich a few
days since, and when she called for him
he was "not quite dressed" and she had
the satisfaction of waiting in tho parlor
full two hours before he was ready. The
joke was pleasantly taken rs a good re-
tort upon the usual tardiness of the fair
sex.
= Miss Martha Haines Butt, the beau
tiful and talented young authoresss OF
Norfolk, has already received matrlmo-
NAL offer from Frederick, the young
Prince of Denmark, who fell in love with
her at the Presidents levee last week.
Miss B. refused him, preferrlng the POSI-
ton of free American lady TO that OF q
Danish Queen. The Prince has returned