Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1860-09-13
9bit and Nulnuf.

FEMALE ECONOMY. "A fair denizen Of fash
ionable Paris, whose eztrsyagance bore rath-
or hard on her husbands purse, was taken to
task by him for her want Of economy.
~ know what you say is .rue, "feplied thu
repentaBt BELLE ''bnt what shall do to re-
duce our expcnses?"
why, ma, cheye," replied the husband.
delighted with her submission, You ride
great deal; why rot take au omnibus occa-
sionally instead Of n cafriase2 Thdt viii
save something surely"
The wife agreed, and as socn as her hus-
band was gone, she rang for her maid.
''Msriette, call me a coach that | may get
to the omnibus to go to the Madeleine. !
must economist
While Tom Corwin was heldiug forth In
GAINESVILLE upon tho corruption of old Buck's'
Administration, just after hurting one oi his
bittcrest denuncations, one OF his auditors, =
rough boxing man, who stood with tolded
arms, shook his head violently;
Wherupon Tom said
"You shake your head, Hry friend! Well
a man may sheke his head wher there is NOS
mrcf! in it-without cause to shake it."
"lI-l," said he Of tho folded arms, "thsrs
was a fly or my nose, and any man will shake
to keep the flies Off won't he?
Tom look quizzical and went on to the
next point in regular order.
NEAT REroRT.-An Israelits lady sitting
in the same box Mt an opera, with French
physician and was much troubled with en-
nui, happened to cape.
Excuse me madam" said the doctor II
am glad you did not swallow me"
"Give yourself no uneasiness," replied the.
lady, 81 am Jewess, and never eat porkP'
dad, have you been to the museum" said
ten year old.
"No, my son."
"Wel, 90 and mention my name to the
keeper, and he'll take you around and show
you everything"
A PRINTER in the Rochester Union office
| has received "fas take" in the shape OF
girl and boy--twins. He says tho copy
was marked "solid" when it was given out,
! but tie foreman "double-leaded" the matter
| when he made UP the forms"
GLOW do you get along with your arith-
metic?" asked q father Of his little boy.
"Pvs ciphe!ed Trough addition, partition.
substraction, distraction, abomination, justi-
fication, halluciation, amputation, creation,
and adoption"
JOE and Bill Benton went 10 New Orleans
with Aat-boat load of corn. Jos wrote TO
his father thus:
anu Orleens, Gune deer Dad, markets
is dull corn is nifty 10 and Bills ded.
Your affectionate sun, j. b.
Wox'r HgAT-"Sally," said fellow to
girl who had red hair, keep away from me.
or youll set me on fire." mo danger of
that" replied the girl, "you are too green to
burn.
AN Illinois paper, short time since, said
of fellow who was so very dirty that tho
assessors Of the town in which he lived set
him down as "real estate.
Said an old woman to an old maid, Ny
husband is not so good husband as he should
be, but he is 4 powerful sight better than none.
| What is the centre Of gravity?
The letter V.
Why is "galvanic battery'' like murder?
Because it is shocking thing.
The more women look in their glasses, the
less they look in their houses.
Here lies the tongue of Godfrey Lii,
Who always lied, and lies here STILL
Great cry and little wool--an African in
| fant just born.
| What is that which ladies look for but new
or wish to find? Ans.-A hole in their stock
ing.
When you do not know what to do. do
nothing.