The Buchanan County guardian. (Independence, Buchanan County, Iowa) 1858-1864, 1860-05-02
How / came to be Married.


der of his days.
How / came to be Married.
1t may be funny, but I've done it. I've
got rib and a baby. Shadows depart
ed oyster stews, brandy cocktails, ci-
gar boxes, boot-jack absconding shirt
buttons, whist and dominoes. Shadows
present-hoop skirts, band boxes, rib
bons, CATERS, long stockings, juvenile
dresses, tin trumpets, little willow chairs,
cradles, bib, pap, sugar teats, paragoric,
hive syrup, castor, oil, Godfreys COR
dial, soothing syrup, rhubarb, salts,
squls, and doctors bills. Shadows fu-
ture: more babies, more hive syrup, etc.,
etc. I'll just tell you how got caught.
| was always the darndest, the most tea
custard, bashful fellow you ever did see;
it was kinder in my line to be taken with
the shakes every time | saw pretty girl
approaching me, and I'd cross the street
any time rather than face one it wasn't
because | didn't like the critters, for If |
was behind fence looking through a
knot hole, couldn't look at one long
enough. Well, my sister Lib gave par
ty one night, and l stayed away from
home because | was too bashful to :" face
the music" | hung around the house
whistling "Dan Tucker" dancing to
keep my feet warm, watching the bobbing
up and down behind the window curtains,
and wishing the laundering party would
break up SO | could get to my room. l
smoked up bunch OF cigars, and as it
was getting late and mighty uncomforta-
Bile, | concluded to shin up the post. No
sooner said than done, and soon found
myself snug in bed. Now says |,
let her rip Dance till your wind gives
out y And cuddling under the quilts,
Morpheus grabbed me. Twas dreaming
of soft-shelled crabs and stewed tripe,
and was having good time, when some
body knocked at the door and awoke me
up. Rap, again. / laid low. Rap, rap,
rap. Then heard whispering, and
knew there was whole raft Of girls out
side.
Rap, rap! Then Lib sings out, "Jack
are you in there ?" ''Yes," says /.
Then came roar Of laughter. Let us
in" says she. Are you in bed ?" says
she. +" am," says l. Get up" says
she. Il won't" says |. Then came
another laugh. By thunder ! | began to
get riled. Z" Get out, you petticoated
scarecrows y l cried; q can't you get a
beau without hauling fellow out Of bed?
| won't 90 home with you-I won't, so
you may clear out" And throwing "a
boot at the door | felt better. But pre-
sently oil, mortal buttons | heard a
still, small voice, very much like sister
Lbs, and it said "Jack, you'll have to
get up, for all the girls things are in
there p Oh, Lord, what a pickle !
Think of me in bed. all covered with
shawls, mutfs, boHnes, and cloaks, and
twenty girls waiting outside to get in !
If | had stopped to think | should have
pancaked on the spot As it was, roll
ed out among the bonnet wire and rib
bons in a hurry. Smash went the mil
linery in every direction. | had to dress
in the dark--for there was crack in the
door. and tho girls will peep-and the
way tumbled about was death to straw
hats. The critical moment came.
opened the door, and found myself
among the women. ' Oh, my Leghorn -
cries one. My dear, darling, winter
velvet - cries another, and they pitched
in--they pulled me this way, aud that
way, boxed my ears and one bright-eyed
little piece, Sal--her name was-put her
arms right around my neck, and kissed
me on my lips. Human nature couldn't
stand that aud gave her as good rs she
sent. 1t was the first time ever got a
taste. and il was powerful good. | be.
lieye | could have kissed that gal from
julius Cesar to Fourth Of July. "Jack,"
said she, "we are sorry to disturb YOU,
but won't YOU see me home - Yes"
said |, u Will" | did do it, and had
another smack at the gate, too. After
that, we took 10 kind of turtle doving
after each other, both of us sighing like
a barrel Of new elder when we were away
from each other, Twas at the close Of
a glorious Summer day-the sun was set
ting belinda distant hog pen-the chick
ems were gong 10 roost-the bull frogs
were commencing their evening songs
the pollywogs in their native mud pud
dies, were preparing themselves Tor The
shades Of night-and Sal and myself sal
upon an antiquated biz log, listening 10
the music Of nature. such as tree toals.
roosters, and gruntlng pigs, and now and
then the mellow music OF a distant jack.
ass. was waited 10 our ears BY the gentle
zephyrs that sighed among the mullen
stalks, and came heavy laden with the
delicious odor of hen roosts and pig
styes, The last lingering rays Of the set
ting sun, glancing from the brass buttons
Of a solitary horseman shonc through a
knot-hole in the hog pen full in S.l's face.
dyeing her hair with an orange peel hue,
and showing off my thread bare coat to
bad advantage One OF my arms was
around SAILS waist my hand resting on
the small Of her baek-she Was toying
with my auburn locks Of Jet black hue
she was almost gone. and Was ditto.
She looked like grasshopper dying with
the hiccups. and felt like a mud turtle
choked with Goldfish ball :" SAL" saws
l, in Voice musical as The notes of a
dying swan, Twill YOU have me ?" She