Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-04-20
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GSV Mrs. Partington told a FREUD ths
other day, in strict confidence, that young
man of her acquaintance had committed in
fanticde, blowing his brains up, in state
of delerium tremendous and that the coro
ner was holding conquest over him.
GA lady, in reply to some guests thai
praised the mutton On the table, said "Oh
yes, my husband always buys the best; lie
is great epicac." This reminds US of ar
old lady who, in describing the sudden
death of her husband, said, s'he died in an
after-clip- -ft."
Jones was not tipsy the other night,
when it became his duty, at the proper
stage OF the proceedings, 10 give the regular
toast 70 woman, for he said so afterward
He proceeded:
20, woman in our hours of ease,
Uncertain, coy and hurd to please
But-but-seen to oft familiar With her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace"
~"Ain't there no exceptions to your
law about punching tellow9' said scamp
to judge.
"No, sir-no exceptions whatever"
"Now, judge, guess you are mistaken.
Just suppose, for instance, should brandy
punch man, what then z"
'sNo levity in cocrt, sir. Sheriff expose
YANKEE VITA notion seller was offer
ing Yankee clocks, finely vanished and
colored and with looking-g glass in front,
to lady not remarkable for personal beau
ty. "Why, it is beautiful" said the vender,
s'Beautiful, indeed! look at it almost
frightens mew said the lady. "Then,
marm," replied Jonathan, 81 guess you'd
better by one that hain't got no glass in it,"
We have a little six year old at home,
who is noted among our friends and ac-
quaintances for his original and precocious
sayings. The other day he broke out very
abruptly with:
sFather, what makes negroes black p
Father tried to explain the supposed
reason to suit his comprehension, and in
the course of his remarks said they were
the descendants of Ham, one of the sons of
Noah. George pondered awhile, and at
last Frightening up, he said very gravely-
s'Was it smoked ham, father %
TIE DITFERENoE.-Jones was travelling
with his wife, and (for a freak was SO gal
liant in his behavior to lis cara spousa, that
madam grew uneasy and demonstrated
against his attentions as too marked for
public observation. "The d-l!" said
Jones, "we're married, suppose?'' '.Yes,"
ehIu Luo lauys Uu9 JuoSiuS Wy yOut uepOTG.
ment, folks will think zoe amt J." "Well,
what If it 2" said Jones. "Why, not much,
certainly for you," said the careful dame
s'you are man {; but we women have our
characters to take care Of" Jones was
shocked into propriety for the rest of the
journey.-Bosten Post.
STANDING UP FOB HIS FRIRNDs.-In the
flush times cf Vicksburg, Miss, when the
phrase 'shard case' meant something more
than it does now, Harvey Jenkins was ad-
mittedly one of the hardest. BY some
. strange accident Harvey found himself al
chul ch one evening. The sermon being
over, the preacher requested all who were
friendly to religion to rise and hold up their
right hands. The whole audience appar
entity rose to their feet. After they were
seated again, the minister continued: "Now
if there is single one who desires to SEE
Satan and his kingdom prosper he will rise
up and hold up HE hand" Harvey, with
some difficulty, got into an erect position
and said: "Had the vote been less unani
nous, l should have retained my seat (; bu
l make it point of honor never to aban'
don friend under adverse circumstances ,