Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1860-11-30
Chow cam'st thou in this pickle ~

from Webster and citations from Shaks-
peare-
Chow cam'st thou in this pickle ~
and admits that the committee are in fine
pickle, having to adiudicate the contending
claims of parcel Of notable housewives.
After awarding the premiums. the Rev.
gentleman concludes with series of recipes,
which will, we doubt not, he read with
pleasure by all. We have the following:
To make Vinegar Of the strongest kind
Take one quart of the milk Of human kind
ness, such as the poet sings Of. pour into an
earthen pan, set on q table. with chair in
front facing the sun. Place in the chair a
regular, old>fashioned. tattling, mischref-
making gossip. spectacles on nose. snuff box
in left hand "A largo pinch between thumb and
finger of the right let her look intentlv at
the aforesaid milk fifteen minutes bv the
kitchen clock. without winking, and if it
isn't sour and sharp at the end Of the fifteen
minutes-report to the Committee, and
thev'll drink it.
To inpart a double relish to Preserves and
Pickles. Send a small jar of each, with best
respects, to your minister. Or If yon should
hear that a neighbor has got the start OF you,
a peck of peas or bushel of potatoes. or a
few rolls OF first premium butter Will
answer.
N B. Never mind the Printer. lie lives
on Gas.
To keep good natured. nerer quarrel.-If it
should fail, give something to somebody eve
ry day.
To keep up a neiqh5orhood quarrel.-Stlr it
once week adding if needful few drops
af .'ile % vitril." 1t will be as good hun
dred years hence as it is to-day.
To keep a good ndme.-Be good man.
and above all never be a candidate for Gov
ernnr or President.
To prcserre an old Fogy.-Put in barrel
and head up. There's pepper and vinegar
enough in him to keep him. without further
application, as long as the world wants
him.
To Preserre Bsouty.-Say your prayers
every morning, read your Bible every night.
and the newspaper every week. Never scold
your husband. for every scolding causes two
wrinkles, one in the scoldcr and one in the
eco!dee Cultivate your mind, cultivate
your aifcctions-for there is no genuine
beauty without intellect and heart. Never
be inpatient. Ever return smiles for
frovns.
To keep BeGu.-First-as Mrs. Glass in
her cook book says about the turbot-catch
him. Then, if your beau being fairly (or
unfairly caught. belongs to the genus homo,
if, in other words, he is real man, treat
him once week-any time but Saturday
nights, lest he should sleep in meeting on
Sunday-to a dish composed of two parts
good frank common sense, and one part
hearty womanly kindness. But if he belongs
to the genus simia, which is, being interpre-
ted. dandy. apply soft soap, laid on pretty
thick and he will be sure to last till the
next crop comes in, when you can easily get
another of the same sort, just as good.
To keep a Beau MIS-, -'s c0yl.-
Take him into the kitchen, the store-room
the cellar, show him the preserves and
pickles, and all the nice things your own
fair hands (or your mother's) have made,
suggesting the anticipation of many sweet
and good things in years to come.
To Keep Beau tchen all other methods
faiAshorfest, cheapest, srres way Of all
Send for the chairman of the committee on
preserves, pickles, and so forth, who will
quickly put the poor young man into a
pickle which he will not quickly get ont OF.
All of which is most respectfully submit
ted.