Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1860-03-15
Gaurtester Daily SPY.
MY wIFEs HEN SPECULATION.

weekP' Exactly" 1 replied, rather sharp
and prompt
"I'd like to know what we are coming to 2"
inquired my "better half"
That's my sentiments" l remarked, in
low tone, and raising my voice and speaking
to younger S-th, who was eating breakfast
with me; John, see what yer coming to
when Yer get married !" He smiled, tried
to, but it was very hard work.
81 don't believe" resumed my wife, "but
what that grocery man tucks on cent or TWO,
just because he knows you that's me, thought
IL won't say a word. l don't see why eggs
should be so high" There was dead calm
for two minutes-my eyes were resting upon
the last boiled egg on the table in profound
meditation. Just as L was about to remark
that we had better get along with less eggs,
'aught a glance OF my wife's eyes, and con-
cluded that it would be well to let her do the
talking. 81 don't see why" she again re-
sumed, "that it should cost SO much to live
We ought to raise all the eggs we want to use,
ourselves"
Good business" 1 said, Chat of raising
eggs" My wife continued
"There's Mrs. G., she has all the eggs
she wants, and some to sell. She keeps hens
and her back yard is no bigger than ours.
Now let's we keep hens, we can save dollar
a week" John smiled, my wife smiled |
smiled, in fact, the whole family-even down
to the youngest S-th, smiled.
"Good," said l.
AT this point my wife enlarged upon the
merits of Chittagongs, Shanghais, Burmah
Po0tras, Chinas, and host OF other different
kinds of hens. This subject was the only one
discussed at our meals for the next week. She
bought all the different books relative to rails
ing hens she could find in the bookstores, and
the seventh day the entire family had an at
tack of the "Hen Fever" Even the youngest
S-ths attack was so severe that he rolled out
of the cradle in attempting to clap his arms
and crow.
The building of a hen coop was decided
upon. My wife was the architect 1t was
built after an original design, and resembled a
patent sausage,stutfer as much as hen coop.
Her next proceeding was to send me to Rocky
Hill, among her agricultural acquaintance,
after peculiar breed of hens; they were duly
purchased and installed in our coop. So far,
all right and successful. That night, there
was procession of hens and chickens, headed
by dozen gigantic ROSTERS, that reached the
entire length of Main street. They, of course,
paid visit to my wife; and, of course made
a speech and they responded by such ire
mendous growing and cackling that it sounded
as if Bedlam had broken loose. As each pull
let passed my door she made a most graceful
courtesy and dropped an egg--the ground vas
covered, and looked as if there had been
snow storm of eggs. / filled the buttery, eel
lar, garnet, closets, and every possible look
and corner with eggs; and as | was about to
put twO-bushel basket full of them in the
parlor under the piano. stumbled and upset
the entire lot upon that instrument, breaking
every single egg. The yellow liquid ran down
through the keys of the piano, thence on to
the nice Brussels carpet, and all over my wfe's
dresses and furs, which had been brought out
of the closet to make more room for eggs.
That moment was one OF great despair
cleuching both hands into my hair, / screamed
out one of the widest and loudest shrieks that
mortal ears ever heard.
Goodness !" shrieked my wife, jumping out
of bed, and landing in the middle of the room
care you crazy 2"
"No, guess not" said l. waking up and col
lecting my scattered senses "only an attack
of the hen fever"
Since that memorable night six mortal weeks
have passed, during which time have watch
ed, fed and taken the best care of those "Rocky
Hill chickens" and instead of saving a dollar
a week, they have increased my expenses.
Like certain bank stocks, have given up all
hopes of dividend. I had looked regularly
every day into that hen coop, only to be dis
appointed-not a single egg had they seen fit
to lay. AS the holidays were coming, sug-
gested TO my wife, as the old rooster seemed to
be an almost useless member of the coop, the
proprety of wringing his neck. "Mr. S-th,
said she, Il want you to know that that rooster
belongs to me, and intend to keep him wheth-
er the hens lay or not! For the first time in
my life, the green-eyed monster took possession
of my breast. Vowed eternal vengeance upon
that old rooster. just think of it for moment
my wife snubbing my nose on account of an
old Shanghai rooster. You can't expect them
to lay this cold weather." said she, breaking
the silence sit is so cold. If they had dose
of red pepper it might do them good"
eyes" said l, cred pepper might do them
some good" Now's a good time to give that
old rooster fits. Red pepper, thought 1 to
myself So / prepared dose of red pepper
for them, looking out to give my wite's old
rooster double dose. You can little imagine,
Mr.. T., with what infinite satisfaction and de-
light watched the progress Of affairs in that
coop. The next day | actually found an egg
in the coop. | marked it No. l, carried it into
the house and requested my wife to save it
till she had got dozen. | gave my wite's
rooster another dose of red pepper. The next
day / found the second egg in the coop, and
was about to mark No. 2 on one end, when
discovered figure l. the very mark / had made
the day before. l also noticed that the nest
did not look much like hens nest. re-
marked the same to my wife, She thought it
was owing to the red pepper. l thought So
too, and asked her to fetch the eggs in after
that time, and save me the trouble. The next
day, egg No. was in the box-I wrote upon
T. "Ldid by Mrs. S-th, Dec. 31St, 1868" The
Ota't morning found that the egg had been
SONS n away also, and that four out of seven
dollas were dead as brick. For the first time
my life, was satisfied that my wife's spec
Galaton was failure-that she was a woman
tGot to be trifed with Whether the death of
hose "Rocky Hill chickens" was caused by
nhe cold weather, or over doses of red pepper
Or any other cause, am unable to state-but
never mentioned my suspicious to my wife.
su The next day military friend called upon
4 se from Willimantic. Il forgot to state that
I'm a military man, | showed him the city.
Said he to me, "S-th, you've got new hat"
l said, eyes, come over to the Clinton House."
We went there and our "labors" commenced
and continued for an hour. My military
friend invited me to the States, and again we
renewed our labors then invited him TO the
Allyn House. There our labors became so
great, our "hardships" so severe, and other
circumstances so numerous came upon us that
we came to the conclusion that we needed
rest he took possession of lounge, and
rolled off on the floor-I followed suit.
Ihe next thing / emember was my military
iflenu, whispering in my ear, informing me
that he was going home on the first train
Come, S-th," said he, you're good
ienow - wish my wife thought So" said /,
interrupting him.
saw my friend safely aboard the cars and
had some difficulty in getting home-thouph
nothing TO speak OF excepting the side walks .
they were rather slippery There were also
several individuals who tried to see how near
they could come to me and not run into me-
believe one or two inexperienced gentlemen
run into me. excused them, and nil went
well till arrived home. As was going into
Tho. ata / tnl,t I r.