Cleveland morning leader. [volume] (Cleveland [Ohio]) 1854-1865, 1860-08-03
A Short Chapter on Peter Funks---A sug-
gestiOn.


Mr.. EDlroR:-The art of Commercial poll
tics, as taught by the disciples of Squatter
Sovereignty, has been likened to a Peter
Funk concern, where "pinch-backs' are
palmed OF on green horns, who cannot dis
tinguished gold from brass These political
watch-stulers, like Peter the Jew dealer in
brass and old clothes, lounge about the streets
and at Hotels, and by telling great black,
/ bouncing lies, unctious with fat, decoy the
unsuspecting into man-traps' and "spring-
/ guns and when the game is bagged, share
/ the plumber among themselves. OF course,
most of the greeRys that are inveigled into
their meshes create a great ado, on waking
up at the sign of the three golden balls and
finding their Jair names showed up the spout
with the remote expectation of redemption
when the little giant becomes President
This funkyism on the part of greeny is deci-
dedly yerdant He should hold on and "take
the chances, like Fowler, Breslin and Com
pany, and other magnates of the party; by
so doing, and if he is lucky in escaping the
Penitentiary, he is sure to be counted in, as
smart a gentleman possessing true per-
| ception of moral beauty; who has suffered
martyrdom at the hands of the cold func-
tionary' at Washington, because of his con-
tumacy and honest belief in Popular Sover-
! eighty and is only restrained from appear
| ing before the .foOt-HghtS on account of i'll
health, which requires he should travel.
True your Fowler-ized Funk can't vote
not directly-but then distance, doubtless,
! lends enchantment to the view, and if he
| foregOes the fascinating horrors of the canvass
he is only to thank his own outrageous mod
esty. This is a free country under the orni-
biological Emblem of Uncle Samuel. Trans
portation for depicting public Treasures is not
allowed, nor are such peccadillos as stealing
very likely to be punished under the benign
influences Of Squatter Sovereignty. For be
it understood, the gentlemen who keep the
books at Washington, have hearts to feel for
a BROTHERS WoEs.
To obviate the necessity of these HSabine
Slides, and keep the squatter Party more
intact, l have long resolved in nv own mind,
the project perhaps utopian, of an cold Line
meeting, for the sheer purpose of proposing
for all who may require the honor, a kind of
jubilee Convention, held expressly for the
lovely labor Of consoling and relieving absent
and oppressed Funks.
Let US have the 4" large and respectable
meeting" for the relief Of the grent Unagashed
Democracy. Twill be very diverting, and if
successful save much time, wind and pother
in filing up the gaps of the decimated army
of Squatter Sovereignty; !; besides Hadminis-
tering to tle hearts diseased of a large and
increasing class of martyrs many of whom,
at the present moment, are laboring under
hallucinatiOn Of mind, that in case Stepen A. /
Douglas is not elected President of the United
States, "there will be no more wine and
cakes, and albeit, exile may arise from causes
entirely beyond human control
What say the Commercial artisans of the !
Douglas School Of politics? Count in
OLD LIKE.