davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
Are Women Naturally Polite

Mrs. WHY'S asks this question, and
then deliberately answers it herself,
thus !:
Are women naturally polite, did
you ask dear, good-natured public 4?
Did you ever know a woman to
make room in an omnibus, five on a
siGe, when Number Six was entering,
founced and velveted, until ordered
by the driver
Did you ever know a little pair of
gaiter boots to turn one inch to the
right or left when they could have
saved you from a streaming gutter by
the operation Patent feathers don't
behave so-not they
Did you ever know q woman to
say, " | am sorry to have given you
so much trouble" when the dry goods
clerk had turned things topsy turvy,
without finding the shade or color
that never existed +?
Did you ever know a woman who
did not know it was Outrageous" for
another woman to travel with baby,
or who didn't regard it "cruel and
outrageous ifany one objected to the
crying Of hen: baby
Did you ever know two women to
talk over a third without ridiculing
her, even if she was her "dear partic-
ular friend !?
Did yon ever praise one young la
dy in the presence of another, without
being confdentially told of some
enormous fault or deformity in the for
mer which you hadn't dreamed of !?
Did you ever tell your wife what a
beautiful new dress your neighbor had
got, without being informed that it
was "only that dowdy old silk dyed
over again 7"
Did you ever know pretty woman
to make an impression without half a
dozen other women running the effect
of it the instant she left the room !?
Did you ever know woman to
apologize for having knocked another
woman's bonnet into "pi" CHATS
printerism, but expressive notwith-
standing) with the corner of the para
sol ?
Did you ever hear of a woman who
had an idea that she was making
trouble by her little airs and grace?
We don't believe you ever did,
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
How a Man feels when he is
Hung.

One would suppose that one who
has suffered all the horrors of hanging.
just short of actual death, WOULD new
er risk the gallows again but such,
in one case, at least was not the result.
A house breaker, named Smith, was
hanged at Tyburn, December "a, I705,
and when he had hung nearly fifteen
minutes, the people shouted "a reprivep
He was cut down, and recovered.
When asked what his feelings had
been, he replied. in substance, when
ne turned off, he for some time was
sensible of very great pain, occasioned
by the weight of his body, and felt his
spirits in strange condition, vio-
lently pressing upward; that having
forced their way to his head, he as it
were saw great blaze, or glaring
light, which seemed to go out with
flash, when he lost all pain. That af-
ter he was cut down and began to
come to himself, the blood and spirits
forcing themselves into their former
channels, put him, by sort of prick
ing or shooting, to such iutolerable
pain, that he could have wished those
hanged that cut him down. Ever
afterwards he went by the name of
half hanged Smith" This fellow
soon returned to the practice of his
evil habits, aud was again tried at the
Old Bay, for housebreaking, and the
jury brought 10 special verdict, leav-
ing the affair to the decision of twelve
judges, who decided in favor of the
prisoner. Even this second wonder
full escape did not deter him from re-
suming his malpractices, and third
time he had been brought to trial, but
the prosecutor died before the day ap-
pointed, and thus he once more got
free.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
The Way to Keep Him.

"Out again to night 2" said Mrs.
Hays fretfully, as her husband rose
from the tea table, and donned his
great coat.
eyes, / have an engagement with
Moore; l shall be in early, have a
light left for me in the library. Good
night" And with a careless nod
VIM. Hays left the room.
Always the way" murmured Liz
zie Hays, sinking back upon the sofa.
"Out every night don't believe he
cares one bit about me now, and we've
only been married about two years.
No man has more orderly house, and
am not bit extravagant, and yet
don't believe he loves me any more. -
oh dear, why is it ? / wasn't rich, he
didn't marry me for money and he
must have loved me then--why doel
he treat me with 50 much neglect p
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
Sabbatk gta1tua,
Why Not To-Day.


READER, you hope very likely to be
real Christian some time, and fit to
go to heaven. You hope to repent
and believe on Christ, and have good
hope before you die. But why not
to-day7
What is to prevent Eou Why
should you wait any longer9 Why
not this day awake and call upon your
God, and resolve that you will sleep
no longer 7 / set before You Jesus
Christ, the Saviour, who died to make
atonement for sinners; Jesus who is
able to save to the uttermost Jesus
who is willing to receive. The hand
that was nailed to the cross is held out
to you in mercy. The eye that wept
over Jerusalem is looking on you with
pity. The voice that has said to many
a wanderer, Thy sins are forgiven,''
is saying to you, "Come unto me y
Go to Jesus first and foremost If yon
would know what step to take. Think
not to wait for repentance and faith
and new heart, but go to him just as
you are. OF awake thou that Sleep
est, and Christ win give thee tight.
Why not to-day!
Sun, moon, and stars are witness
ing against you; they continue accor-
ding to Gods ordinances, and you are
ever transgressing them. The grass,
the birds, the very worms of the earth,
are all witnessing against you they
fill their places in creation, and you
do not. Sabbaths and ordinances are
continually witnessing. against you;
they are ever proclaiming that there
is God and judgement, and you
are living as if there were none. The
tears and prayers of cody relations
are witnessing against you; others
are sorrowfully thinking you have a
soul, though you seem to forget IT,.
The very grave-stones you see every
week are witnessing against you they
are silently witnessing that life is un-
certain, time is short the resurrection
is yet to come, the Lord is at hand"
All, all are saying, Awake, awake,
awakel 0 reader the time may sure
ly suffice you to have slept. Awake to
be wise. Awake to be safe. Awake
to be happy. And why not to-day 2
-Ryle.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26


INDIAN BEARs.-There are two spe-
cies of bear found in the Himalayas,
the brown and the black The latter
is a huge animal, often upwards of
eight feet in length, and the fat alone
will sometimes load four or FIVE men.
Though generally flying from man,
like the rest of its genius, it sometimes
attacks people from sheer ferocity !;
and, instead Of hugging its victim as
other bears do, it almost invariably
strikes at the face. from which it strips
off the flesh at one stroke. This seems
to satisfy the brute, for it never kills
outright, but decamps after thus vent
ing its fury. / know Puharie who
in this way lost his cheeks, nose, lips,
and one eye The man is still alive,
and with his skeleton features conceal
ed in large cotton wrapper, he fol-
lows his usual avocations. Fearing
his young wife would decline to live
with such an ogre as he now was, he
gave some hints Of his intention to
cut off her nose, and by thus spoil
ing her beauty, prevent any one else
from taking her, which so frightened
the poor girl that she wonld never go
near him afterwards, though, deelar-
ing she would otherwise have remain
ed with him, and done all in her pow
er to console him in his affection.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26

remember how much you admired the
pair | worked for you, oh T! ever SO
long ago 2"
II remember black velvet with
flowers on them I used to put my
feet on the fender, and dream of blue
eyes and bright curls and time would
move faster to the day when I could
bring my bonnie wee wife home to
make music in my house !"
Lizzie's face saddened for moment
as she thought Of the past two years
and how little music she had made for
his loving heart, gradually weaving it
from its allegiance then she said
II wonder if you like music as much
as you did then 2"
''Of course I do. I often go in at
Miss Smiths for nothing else than to
hear the music"
:" I can play and sing better than
Miss Smith," said Lizzie half pont-
ing.
" But you always say you are out
OF practice when | ask you"
:" had the piano tuned this morn
ing. Now open it and we will see
how it sounds"
William obeyed joyfully, and toss
ing aside her sewing, Lizzie took the
stool. She had a sweet voice, not
powerful, but most musical, and she
was very fair performer on the pi-
ano.
Ballads, Lizzie.'
ooh yes, know you dislike opera
music in the parlor."
One song after another, with a noe
turne or lovely instrumental piece oc-
casionally. between them, filled up
another hour pleasantly.
The little mantle clock struck elev-
en-
Eleven !! I thought it was about
nine. I ought to apologize Lizzie, as
| used to do, for staying SO long and
| can truly say as did then, that the
time has passed so pleasantly I can
scarcely believe it is so late"
The piano was closed, Lizzie's work
put in the basket, and William was
ready tie go up stairs; but glancing
back he saw his little wife near the
fire place, her hands clasped, her
head bent and large tears falling from
her eyes. He was beside her in mo-
ment
Lizzie, darling, are you i'll? What
is the matter ?"
Oh William | have been such a
bad wife. I heard you tell Mr..
Moore last evening, how I had dis
appointed you but will try to make
your home pleasant, indeed l will if
you will only forgive and love me-"
Love youl oh Lizzie you cam
not guess how dearly I love you !"
As the little wife lay down that
night, she thought:
II have won him back again i
Better still than that, | have learned
the way to keep him."
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
guet's sguuk.
FOR THE LAMBERTvILLE PREssI
By KATE W
A Welcome.

Oh, welcome! welcome home again, far, thol
hast tarried long,
We have missed thee in the merry jest and il
the joyous song
Dear wanderer we have missed thee, at tht
solemn hour of prayer,
And morn and eve have sadly looked upon thy
vacant chair.
a Joyous welcome have we now, a welcome glad
for thee
- Oh welcome home for once again, thy deal
face here, we see,
And once again, with thankful hearts-with
greeting clasp thy hand;
No more art thou wanderer in distant stran-
ger land.
The flowers have bloomed and faded, through
many weary day,
Summers have come with beauty, and thus
have passed away;
But yet in all the sunniest hours, would fall
the silent tear,
the ear.
Some of thy friends have passed away--gone to
better land,
THERE'S many dreary freside, and many bro
ken band;
But in our own dear home, is joy, for thou art
here again;
Our prayers were not all fruitless, our prayers
were not in vain.
All nature is so bright with bloom, so very fair
to-day,
The hird's sweet Snno ia finish with iov az whom
thou went away;
Oh if thy presence brings such joy, such glad
ness in thy home,
Oh dear one, do not leave us now, nor longer
from us roam.
PANA, ILLINOIS.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
What She Liked Best.

Some folks are in the habit of talk
ing intheir sleep and MissBetsey Wilson
was one of that number. This pecu-
liarity she accidently revealed TO Jed
ediah Jenkins in carless COW ersa-
tional way. Jedediah had just finish
ed the recital OF matrimonial dream
in which the young lady and himself
figured as hero and heroine, he hav-
ing invented the name for the sake of
saying at the conclusion it was "too
good to be true, and by thus speak
ing parallels assuring the damsel of
what he dared not speak plainly.
:" | never dream" said Betsey, "but
sometimes talk half the night and tell
everything ! know in my Sleep
"You don't say So"
Yes; | never can have secret
from mother. IF she wants to know
anything she pumps me after I've gone
to bed, and | answer her questions as
honestly as if my life depended on it.
That's the reason / wouldn't go to
ride the othter night / knew she would
find it out, It is awful provoking!'
Some days after this Jed called at
teh house, and entered the parlor unan-
nounced, fonnd Miss 'Betsey probably
overcome by the heat of the weather
had fallen asleep on the sofa.
Now Jed, as the reader has sur
missed, had long felt an overwhelming
partiality for the young lady, and
yearLed to know if it was returned,
but though possessed of sufficient cour-
age to mount the imminent dead :
ly breach" or breeches (connubi-
al ones we mean) he could never mus
ter spunk enough to inquire into the
state of her heart. But he now be-
thought himself of her confessed SOM
nambulie loquacity, and felt that the
time to ascertain his fate had come
Approaching the sofa he whispered:
My dear Betsey tell, oh tell
me the object of your fondest affec-
tions
The fair sleeper gave a faint sigh
and responded, i love-let me think
(here you might have heard the beat
ing Of Jed's heart through brick
walD-I love heaven my country and
baked beans. But if have one pas
sion above all others it is for roast on
ions p
The indignant lover di'dn wake her
but sloped at once sadder but not a
wiser man.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
Republished

To the Press, to the Press, let us join in the
glee,
For new light has broke on the land of the
free
It's balm for all ills, friend in distress
Would you then learn its name IT'S the Liam
bertville Press
It is not long ago since the flag was unfold,
Yet the moment it huttered, its fate was then
told,
That in States far away every heart would con-
TESS,
What true, honest friend is the " Lambert
vile Press
CHORUS.
To the Press, to the Press, let us join in the
glee.
For new light has broke DER the land of
the free
IT'S balm for all ills a friend in distress
Then hurrah, boys hurrah. for the Lam
bertville Press.'
To the Press, to the Press let us sing with a
will,
Till the forests awake with an echo so shriH
That the winds learn its name, and the birds
catch the tune,
Till it's taught to the stars, by the man in the
Oh then think what song would be raised in
the skies,
By thousands and myriads of bright twinkling
For the fates have decreed, and what could they
do less,
An unequaled career for the " L4ambertville
Press"
CHORUS.
To the Press, to the Press let us turn with de-
light,
And embrace its truths that with virtue is bright;
1t will teach how to live, and prepare Els to die,
And Will aid to erect US home in the sky.
oh let those who have children, neglect not to
read,
Or to plant in the minds of their offspring that
seed.
which, when years pass away, they'll have
cause tr. bless
Inc fruits they Win reap from the truths of the
PresS
CHOIR US.
70 the Press, to the Press let the bachelor re~
pa If,
And atriend he will find in his moments of care,
de may thu nix he is wed without tasting the
strife,
For the ~ Lambertville Press is the bachelors
wife.
And tn ladies, God bless them, they too now
may smie,s
For he Press with its news, will their long hours
beguile;
AT d ere long the whole world with one voice will
confess
That blessing to man is the +" Lamb ertville
Press
CHORUS.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
S5gistellany,
A Heroine of Seventy-Six.
BY MISS NJ. A. DENNIsoN

| don't like to hear the noise of
these hammers. The dull sound of
laboring picks breaks upon the air
with monotonous regularity. They
are making tracks for the railroad in
this cd town. am not pleas ed with
the improvements" as some call it,,
for pleasant farm house, and its sur
rounding fields that sloped from high
and undulating hills have vanished for
ever before its nod The great genius
of enterpriseS with his ugly sh ears Of
commerce, is clipping at the poo wings
of poverty and romance, till, I fear,
by-and-by, they viii have only power
to flap along the ground, their ethe-
rial faculties chained down o stock
taking and invoices.
/ am sorry the house is g ,ne, fol
there are some recollections co INJECTED
with its history for the sake of. which
it would be pleasant could it have
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
The Prayer-Meeting.


READER, is there a prayer-meeting
in your neighborhoodP Ifthere is, do
you attend it ? If you do not, have
you good reasons for staying away ?
Perhaps there is one just by yourdoer
or at least few minutes walk from
your dwelling. Do you go to it? I
have known people to walk many miles
every week to prayer-meeting. They
did not grudge the distance. The
way seemed short and pleasant No
wouder. They aoere In earnest
about their souls And if you ne
glect or despise such meetings, it is
to be feared that you are all together
unconcerned about eternity and the
kingdom to come. Ifyou were .thirs-
ty for the water of life, you would be
glad of such opportunities of drawing
it out of the wells of salvation.
ask then again, Do you ATTEND
THE pRAYER-MEETING ? If not. what
are your reasons !? If they are good
reasons, you need not be ashamed of
them either before God or man, and
they viii serve Yen at the judgment
seat of Christ: IF they are not, the
sooner you give them up the better.
Very soon the last sermon viii be
done, the last Sabbath viii close, the
last prayer-meeting viii be over, the
last message of salvation delivered, the
last warning sounded, and the last in
vitation giyenl Then what bitter re-
greet and sgonizing remorse What
will you think of your excuses then
Oh yol would give the wealth Of
worlds for another prayersmeeting,
another day Of hope No more max
ing light Of such precious oppoFtnni-
ties, nor scefang at those who priced
them The follies and vanities of
earth are all over then, and Invisible
realities are seen to be all mall. Will
the memory Of your Gays and scenes
of pleasure or scenes of fogy and
sin be soothing 80 your soul when
they have passed away ike a vision
Of the night? Will the remembered
hours of carnal levity, the idle word,
the thoughtless jest, the gay smiles of
companionship, the halls of gayety, or
the haunts of sin, all of which you
once preferred to the prayer-meeting,
viii these breathe comfort to'Eour dy-
ing soul, or hear you up when gxing
your account before the Judge of,all?
Laughter shall then be exchanged for
bnrning tears nights Of harmless mer-
riment for ages of endless woe. Oh
waste not then one precious hour, ono
precious moment, Thy eternity may
hang on it It may soon. be too late
to think Of prayer. Turn sinner, turni
Thy days al q but . handbredth fee,
0 fee from the wrath to cone
Beware Of bad company
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
Scientific Miscellany.

Forests attract rain; q country
stripped gifts forests is likely to suf-
fer from drought.
The greatest range which can be
obtained from gun, is when the piece
is inclined at an angle of forty-fve
degrees.
Lead and zinc are greatly expanded
by heat-the latter metal expands
nearly twice and a half more than
wrought iron under an equal tempera-
ture.
The nearest of the brightest stars
in the southern hemisphere is at twen-
ty-one billions of miles distance, and
its light would require three years and
quarter to reach US.
The quantity of solar light is more
than 100000 times that of the full
moon, that is if the armament held
800, 000 full moons, their united splen-
dor would be inferior to that of the
sun.
The fossil foras of France, England
and Germany exhibit ferns nearly SO
feet high, with branches 8 feet in cir
conference, proving that Europe pos
sessed at one time high range Of
temperature.
The ordinary burden of camel is
$50 pounds. With this load he will
travel about two miles an hour, from
Is to 18 hours per day, continuing
this service for weeks with only one
pound of food and pint of water
daily.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
Two in a Bed.

Ned and Charley were two room
mates, but they occupied different
beds. Ned's sleeping apparatus was
so situated that he could get in on the
other side-that is to say, there were
two foresides which Ned found very
convenient.
One night Ned and Charley had
been out, and on returning, which they
did near morning, both were consider
ably elevated. However, they walked
to their room with an air that seemed
to say, "not so drunk after all,n and
sought long and patiently for matches
and lamp. After knocking the pitch
er off the washstand, and smashing
the looking glass, they finally gave up
the search and went to bed
Went to bed-yes that's the word,
but owing to the darkness and confu
sion Of their senses, they made slight
mistake Ned's bed had the honor
of receiving the two riends-Charlcy
getting in on one side, and his friend
rolling in on the other.
/" say, Ned, y cried Charley; touch
ing somebody's arm, there's fellow
in my bed"
Wonderful coincidence Ex-
claimed Ned, feeling a strange elbow
in the neighborhood of his ribs J;
there's one in my bed too"
\" Is there, though 2" cried Charley;
let's kick 'em out
Agreed |" said Ned.
And accordingly the two friends
began to kick. It lasted about min
ute and a half, and Ned was sprawl
ing on the floor. Charley was left in
possession of the bed. For q moment
Fall was silence.
say, Ned" cried Charley.
What2" asked Ned, splklly.
1--we kicked my fellow out"
& You are a devlish sight lpckier
than ! am, said Ned, I" for mine kick
ed me OUT
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26

reader. They are a race of unacount-
ables, these women, just as sweet and
piquant as June roses sometimes, and
then again bristling like so many ven
omous thorn bushes.
There's one thing we never ceased
to be iuwardly thankful for-that we
are not man, and consequently not
obliged to marry one of them. Why
she would drive MS crazy in a week,
with her whims aud fancies, her exact
ions and her pettish ways. Life n
lttstroted
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26

A DANGEROUS MISSILE. Sat-
urday afternoon, while some laborers
we're engaged in sand bank, near the
Long Dock, Jersey City, patent
rocket with heavy iron head, decend-
ed with great force and was buried Ia
the sand within three feet Of them It
is supposed that they are constructed
I for the purpose of carrying line from
wrecked vessels to Che shore, and that
parties were experimenting with them.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26

A country contemporary puts Ross,
the soap man, as follows:
1.-THE manufacturer Of the best soap
ever used for cleansing 9 dirty mans
face. We have tried it, therefore we
know
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-09-26
Song of The Press.

BY T. W.
I Tune-To the West.1