The Nevada journal., 1860-02-03

ARTEMAs WARDS 4th" OF July
ORATIoN.-Artemas Ward" quaint
Western humorist. publishes his
Fourth of July Grafton in the Cleav-
land Piaindcaler, with the following
preface:
SuRs: Il send here synopsis Of
the skedyule orashun on the 4th of
July at Wethersfield. Pleas correct
the spellin and punktooate it in prop.
er style. spoke two hoars, & was
ninety-six minutes passin a givin pint.
There was between two hundred per-
sons present, who with open mouth
and closed eyes listened to me with
strick attenshun A. W.
The oration itself is a perfect gem,
and one of the best things that "Ar-
temas" has gotten off. We subjoin
an extract or two. After the usual
apostrophe to the Goddess of Liberty,
be says;
| haint got time to notice the growth
of Ameriky frum the time the may
flower cum over in. the Pilgrim and
browt Plymouth Rock with them, bul
every skool boy nose our kareer has
been tremenjis. You will excuse me
if don't praise the erly settlers of
the kolonies. People which hung
idiotic old wimin for wiches, burnt
holes in Quaker,s tongues. and con-
signed their fcller-crtters TO the tired.
mill and pillery on the slightest prov
ocashun may have been very nice
folks in their way. but 1 must confess
l don't much admire their stile and
will drop them all. 1 spose they
inent well, and so in the novel and
techin langwidge ofthe nusepapers,"
peas to their ashis." Thare was no
diskouu., however, on them brave
men who fit, bled. and died in the
American Revolushun. We needn't
he afraid of settin them too steep.
Like my Show, they will stand heep
of praZe.
| see much to admire in New Eng
land. Your gals in particular air about
as snug hilt peaces of Calliker as |
ever saw. They air fully equal to
the corn fed gals of Ohio and Iniiannv
and will make the bestest kind of
wives. 1t sets my buzzum on fire to
look at 'em.
Be sill my sole. be still,
& you, heart. stop cuttin, up!
Which affectin lines is either from
the pen of Govner Morrell' of Maine.
or DIR Watts. and l disremember
which. l like your skool houses. your
meetin houses, your enterprise, gump-
shuG, &c. but your favoritc Bevridge
I despise. l alIude to New England
Rum. it is wuss nor the whiskey of
Injianny, which cats through stun
jugs and will turn the stomach of the
most shiftless Hog.
l seldom seek consolashun in the
flowing Bole. but tother day l wurried
down sum of your Rum. The fust
glass induced me to swear like
infooriated trooper. On takin' the
seckund glass l was 'seezed with a
desire 10 brake winders. and after :he
third glass | knock't a small boy
down, and picked his pocket of a New
York Ledger, and wildly commenced
redin' of Sylvanus Knobs last Tail.
I verify do believe if Ide histed in
another glass. l shood have been
desperit enuff to attack the Mount
Vernon Papers.
Its drefful stuff-a sort of lickwid
litenin' got up under the personal
supervishun of the devil-tears men S
innards all to peaces, and makes their
noses blossum as the Lobster. Shun
it as you wood wild hyenny with a
fire brand tied to his tail, & while YOU
are abowt it, you will do first rate
thing fur yourself and every body
abowt you by shunnin all kinds of
intoxicatin' likefs. You don't need EN-
no MORN cat needs 2 tales, sayin
nothin, abowt the the trouble and
sufferin they cawse. Rut unless your
innards are cast ioru. avoid New
Gnsland's fevorite Bevrige.
Ny friends I'me dunn. I tear my
self away from you with tears in my
eyes and pleasant odor of Onyuns
abowt my close. Ii the lang widg of
Mister Catherine to the Romuns. l
60, but perhaps will cum back agin.
Adoo. people of Wetherfeld. Be vir.
toous & you'll be happy.