Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1860-06-07
Select Variety.
Ia is a good rule always to back your
friends and face your enemies.

| .
friends and face your enemies.
If you want to have man for your
friend, never get the ill-will of his wife.
To keep your friends treat them kindly
to kill them, treat them often. 4
To get angry at nothing, and to be
surprised at nothing, are said to consti-
tute two steps towards perfection.
The Alabama Legislature has passed
law imposing fine of $500 on all
spirit mediums who gave public sittings.
If you don't wish to get angry, never
argue with blockhead. Remember the
duller the razor the more you cut your
self.
IT is the opinion of the doctor that the
lawyer gets his living by plunder, while
the lawyer thinks that the doctor gets his
by pillage.
If good people would but make good
mes agreeable, and smile instead of frown
in their virtues, how many would they
win to the good cause.
"BoB, is that dog of yourn a pointer"
"No, he's half hunter and half setter; be
hunts for bones when he's hungry, and
sits by the stove when he's satisfied"
The Cincinnatians, when their drink
ing water is too thick with mud, are in
the habit of filtering it through cane
bottomed chair "
"Come, Charley, get up; it's the early
bird that catches the worm" "I know,
sir, but I've had the worms, and don't
want 'em any more, you know"
MAKE good use of time if thou lowest
eternity; yesterday cannot be recalled
tomorrow cannot be secured-to- day
only is thine, which, if once lost, is lost
forever.
| Our fellow creatures can only Judge
what we are by what we do; but in the
eye Of our Maker, what we do is of no
worth, except as it flows from what we
are.-Coleridge.
A passenger on steamer had roll of
canvass with him; in lurch of the boat
it rolled overheard He pitched in after
it; on seeing which, a by-stander remark
ed, "As that fellow is in for duck, he
is bound to have the canvass back!
AN Irishman went into country meet
ing house, where an auctioneer was sell
ling the pews. "Well," he cried, "the
Lord has broke down as well as the rest,
and here they're selling him out in his
own house, to pay his debts!"
IT is said that opium eating is increas-
ing to fearful extent in New York city.
Certain nervous lawyers, and even judges,
resort to opium eating as q stimulus
thus demonstrating continually that tho
race of fools is not yet extinct, nor likely
to be shortly.
AT late trial the defendant, who was
not familiar with the number of words
which the law employs to make trifing
charge, after listening while to the
reading of the indictment, jumped up and
said: "Them ERE allegations is false, and
that ere alligator knows it,
IT is not crimes such as robberies and
murder, which destroy the peace of So
ciety, SO much as the village gossip, the
family quarrels, jealousies and chickering's
between neighbors, meddlesomeness and
tattlng, which are the cankers that eat
into all social happiness.
A wag said of woman who had OBJ
tanned divorce from her husband because
he had bald head, which he concealed
by wig during his matrimonial suit and
the consumation Of the bargain, that she
wig -gled out of wedlock on a bald as
sumption.
A Contemporary paper says:-"If you
would keep your children in health, give
them plenty of fresh air." This is all
well enough; but nowadays, children
put on SO many airs of their own, that it
is almost impossible to give them fresh
one every day.
AN EXACT MATcH.-Two old friends
met, not long since, after separation of
thirty five years. "Well, Tom," says
one how has the world gone with you,
old boy? Married yet?-"Yes, and I've
a family you can't match: seven boys and
one girl. I'll can match it exactly, was
the reply, for have seven girls and one
boy"
SMITH met two editors who had previ-
ously been at outs upon the street, walk
ing arm in arm. "Hillo." said Smith.
1.-The Lion and the Lamb lie down togeth-
or! do they?"
"Oh, yes, said editor No. l. "Jones
here did the lyin, and | did the lammin.'
and, of course we came down together"
MAKING Fools OF THEMsELvEs.-"Gen
tlemen Of the jury" said an Arkansas
lawyer, "would you set rat trap to
catch a bear! Would you make fools of
yourselves by endeavoring to spear
Buffalo with knitting needle? No. gen.
tlemen, am sure you would not. Then
how can you be guilty of the gross absur-
dity of finding my client guilty of man
slaughter for taking the life of woman?
"Say, maiden, fair, why dost thou
weep? Some secret sorrow hidden deep
within thy heart. is bringing into thine
eyes those pearly tears, sweet memory of
by-gone years, thus fountain like up
springing of unrequitted love. a dream
wakes from its hidden source, the stream
N.l IL