The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-02-08
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

-Dobbs says he knew a man once
who got immensely rich minding his own
business.
Pawnbrokers and hard drinkers
often take pledges; we fear that the for
mer generally keep them longest.
= Naomi, was five hundred and eigh-
ty years old when she married. Never
despair, ancient maidens!
Madder colors red. This is the rea-
son why tho madder you get the reddcr
you grow.
= The young ladies best friend-their
looking glass, because it always gives
them "aid to reflection"
=" Come here master Tommy. Do
you know your A B C's?" Viz, zur /
know bee Sees"
"Bob, did Mrs. Greene get the med
icine | ordered 2" 81 guess so, for | saw
Grape on the door next morning"
= A man can not possess anything
better than good woman, nor anything
worse than bad one.
A Tennessee paper says "the inau,
guration of the Governor was celebrated
by the firing of minute guns every half
hourp
A chimney has been built near
Boston, ten feet higher than the Bunker
Hill Monument. Its height is two hun
dred and thirty feet.
-" Peter" said q schoolmaster, "you
are such bad boy that you are not fit
to sit in company with good boys on the
bench. Come up here and sit by me,
sir"
=" Here's Webster on bridge" said
Mrs. Partington, rs she handed Ike q
nov un"br iuSv,i tlfvvio"...y. -'a G4-l -
contentively, and you will gain n great
deal of inflammation"
= A lady asked her gardener why the
weeds always out-grew and covered the
flowers" "Madam," he answered, "the
soil is mother of the weeds, and only
step-mother to the flowers"
Mrs. Partington says nothing dis
pises her so much as to sec people, who
profess to expect salvation, go to church
without their purses, when recollection
is 10 be taken.
- A writer on domestic economy, in
giving instructions for keeping eggs fresh,
SAYS, clay with the small end down.
He docs not specify whether this direc-
ton is for the hen or the housewife.
Somebody says, a baby laughing in
its dreams is conversing with angels
Perhaps so--but we have seen them cry
ING in their waking hours as though they
were having spat with the devil.
e. Merriam says that eighty-three
persons lost their lives last year by burn
ing fluid explosions, and one hundred and
six injured, some of whom were not ex-
pected to recover.
al wonder, Lucy, how it feels to
kiss one of these horrid creatures with a
mustache." Indeed, l don't know, but
I'm going to get the hearth-broom and
try it."
No man can promise himself to be
wealthy till night. One storm Mt sea,
one coal of fire, one false friend, one un-
advised word, one false witness, may
make you beggar and prisoner all at
once.
"A recent traveller in America re-
cords the following anecdote: "Jack,"
said man to lad just entering his teens,
3" your father is drowned" ''Dam it,"
replied the young hopeful, "and he's got
my jack knife in his pocket"
A LONG LIVED MULE.--A South Caro-
lima paper notices the death of mule,
whose age was known with certainty to
be sixty-two years at the time of his
death. This is an instance of longevity
that is somewhat remarkable.
- The rich have the most meat; the
poor have the best appetite. The rich lie
the softcst; the poor sleep the soundest.
The poor have health; the rich have del
icacies. The rich hang themselves thro'
fear of poverty; the poor (such as always
have been poor) laugh and sing.
If there is anybody under the canis-
ter of heaven that / have in utter excres-
cence," said Mrs. Partiugton," I" it is the
slanderer going about like a boy construc-
tor, circulating his calomel upon honest
folks" And the old lady sighed at what
evil slander had done, and gazed with
fearful eyes at Ike who was engaged In
holding her favorito cat up by its tail.