Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1860-10-18
Dumorons Aea0tng~

How TO ENJOY THE SPRINGS AND STAY
AT HoME.-Now that the tide Of summer
absentees is returning, the following racy
burlesque upon the leading Springs, taken
from the Southern Literary Messenger,
will be keenly relished:
White Sulphm.-Tiea roll of birthstone
under your nose, and drink freely Of thick
warm water. Break some doubtful eggs
in your pocket, and run round till you are
exhausted. Procure a second hand dia-
betes, change your linen six times a day,
and strut loftily under a tree.
Old S,peet.-Get a large tub, and put
some white pebbles in the bottom. Sit down
in it and blow soap bubbles. Dress your
best, and don't know anybody.
Red Sweet.-Obtain some iron filings,
paint 'em red, put EN- in a tin. pan or pitch
er, and look at 'em in solitary silence. Eat
much mutton, and 60 to bed early. Whis-
ky julip eight times a day.
Salt Sulphur.-Call yourself a South
Carolinian, and take things easy. Live
we'll. Stay in one place a long time. Tiuct-
ure of birthstone occasionally.
Montgomery Wite.-Wear a loose sack
coat and look at m~ulattos frequently. Eat
a great variety of raw meats and undone
vegetables. Play at faro and draw poker.
KeNop ~Sulphur.-Get good living on
the top Of a hill, where you can't sec any
thing whatever. Dominoes, draughts and
backgammon.
ANeghany.-Sit down in hard chair
in a deep, hot hole, and drink citrate of
magnesia and epson salts. Gamble some
with d~yspeptics.
Coyner's.-Take the Lyuchburg papers,
aud gaze with melancholy pertipacity at
the side of a naked hill. Whist and relig,
ious tracts
Rochbriagc AUum.-Select some cases
of cancer on the face, with a few necks
scrofulously raw, and dine with them daily
on Indifferent v~ictuals. Then catch the
drippings from the caves of a very old house,
in a tin cup with a long handle, thicken
the drippipgs with powdered ~nutgalls, and
drink three times a day.
AL Healing Springs.-Throw a green
blanket in a shallow pond, and wallow on
it. Cut off a strip of blanket and clap it
to yo2: ribs. Read old novels and talk to
..piors old ladies about deaths, and chronic
diseases of the, digestive tube.
YARN Springs.-Diet yourself on the
unauthorized juice Of the tea-kettle.
Hot Springs.-Wear a full suit of mus.
tard ~plasters, and walk about in the sun.
shine at noon day, swearing you have got
the rheumatism.
Berhley Springs.-Keep your shin clear
and know nothing but Baltimore ten pins.
Peaks Of Oner.-Climb a high pole or
a cold day at sunrise. Shut your eyes and
whistle.
Teir's Gre &c into the cellar at mid
night-feei he edges of things, and skin
your shins against the coal scuttle. ST
down on a pile of anthracite, with a tallov
candle, and wonder.
Old Point Comtort-Build a hog pei
in a mud.pudd!e: fill it with cookie burs
and thistles, and call it surf. bathing -
Drink bad brandy. Don't sleep. Lie dowr
with your windows wide open, and no cloth
ing on. Come home with fish bone il
your throat, and oyster she'll in your head
a pain in your stomach, and ten Thousand
mosquito bites in your body.
Cape AIoy.-Penetrate an immense GROVE
of male and female rowdies, drop some sal
water in both eyes. Shoot pistols. Ea
some ice cream and c~laret, and send W
one sky rocket every night. Have yoursel
insulted often by niggers. At mid-da.
smell of an oven with a dead pig in it
Fill your pockets with cut glass broken int
minute fragments.
Yankee Watering Places G~enera0y.-
Keep a stale Goldfish under each arm, liv,
on onions and pumpkins, 60 in strong 70
the Union and f%reesoil, and dance the rounc
dances in big breeches.