The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-08-29

growl about it.
- What relation is tho door-mat to
the scraper9 A stepfarther.
= The lady who took everybody's eye
must have quite lot Of 'em.
= How to make people acknowledge
the corn'-tread on their toes.
- When lover has once won his Ia
dy, they both straightway become one.
= Act uprightly and fearlessly, and
you may defy the devil and all his works.
= Why is nm orderly schoolmaster like
the letter @! He makes lasses into
classes.
1t is very well for little children to
be lambs, but very bad thing to grow
up sheep.
- There's man Mt Camborwell so fat,
that they grease the omnibus wheels with
his shadow.
= What is poor man to do who has
no virtues Make virtue Of necessity
of course.
-" "Death loves shining mark. >
Gentlemen with branded noses will take
warning.
- Men are always murmuring at the
hardships of this world, yet how they
hate to leave it
- We know of dandy who is so fas-
tidious that he is always measured for his
umbrella.
- A young man who received JloaO-
ing up from his sweetheart, retorted by
calling her wind-lass.
- Somebody says TO dream Of soap,
belokens combat in which you may ex-
pect to got-lathered.
= Our Country-Our county right or
wrong; when right, to be kept right
when wrong, to be put right.
- Why is minister like locomo-
tive? Because we have to look out for
him when the bell rings.
=" How do you get that lovely per-
fume" asked one young lady of another.
"It's scent to me-" was the reply.
= The girl who succeeds in winning
the love of true man makes lucky hit,
and is herself a lucky miss.
- Did the man who ploughed the sea,
and afterwards planted his foot upon bis
native soil, ever harvest the crops?
1t is said that if you stop up rat
holes with old search warrants, every
knowing rat will leave tho premises.
= Why is pancake baking on
gridlc like one of the most gifted of mod
ern poetesses? Because its Browning.
- The young Queen of Portugal late
ly asked her husband at dinner what wine
he preferred. "Port-you-gal," was the
reply.
A countryman who saw for the first
time hooped skirt, hanging at shop
door, called to ask "what bird they kept
in that cage"
Why do men who are about TO fight
a duel, generally choose field for the
place of action? For the purpose of al
lowing tho ball to craze.
= There is man in Indiana so thin,
that when the sheriff is after him he crawls
into his rifle, and watches his adversary
through the touch hole.
- A man in Liverpool electrified hu-
manity and astonished "the faculty." by
saying that "much of the sickness of the
town was occasioned by bad health"
A lover writing TO his sweetheart
SAYS: Delectable dear-You are so
sweet that honey would blush in your
presence, and molasses stand appalled,"
= 1t is in vain to hope to please all
alike. Let man stand with his face in
what direction he will, he must necesssa-
rily turn his back upon half the world.
- The discovery is claimed of new
and marvellous process, by which photo
graphs may be produced at the rate of
1000 an hour from single negative.
= The census returns of the Sixth
Ward in the city of Detroit show the re-
markablo number of twenty-ono pairs of
twins. This is most extraordinary case
of fecundity.
= "That baby" said tho delighted
mother, 1--WE look upon as the flower of
the family" Being boy, and robed in
yellow flannel, she ought to have called
him the sun flower.
- Local politics ran high in the West
crn country. A candidate for county reg
ister, in Texas, offered to register mar
riages for nothing. His opponent, undis-
mayed, promised to do the same and
throw the cradle in.
= A preacher out West, while endeav-
oring to impress the Gospel upon his
hearers, pointed TO corner in which an
editor was quietly taking a nap, and re-
marked, "There are some in the corner
| who shed tho c,osneI lust like n roosc