Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1860-02-24
DELAWARE, OHIO, FEBRUARY "a, 1860.

mile beyond the gates of Vanity, they would
subscribing to these exaggerated encomiums, I
can truly say, that my abode in the city was
mainly agreeable, and my intercourse with the
inhabitants productive of much amusement
and instruction.
Being naturally of serious turn, my atten-
ton was directed to the solid advantages de
rivable from a residence here, rather than TO
the effervescent pleasures which are the grand
objects with too many visitants. The Chris
tan reader, if he have no accounts of the city
later than Bunyan's time will be surprised to
hear that almost every street has its church.
and that the reverend clergy are nowhere held
in higher respect than at Vanity Fair. And
well do they deserve such honorable estima-
ton for the maxims of wisdom and virtue
which fall from their lips, come from as deep
a spiritual source, and tend to as lofty reli-
gis,ls aim, as those of the sagest philosophers
- old. In justification of this high praise,
feed only mention the names of the Rev. Mr.
5tnmble-at-the-truth; that fine old clerical
character, the Rev. Mr.. This-to-day, who ex-
poets shortly to resign his pulpit to the Rev.
.
Mr.. Bewilderment the Rev. DR.. Wind-o
doctrine. The labor of these eminent divines
are aided by those innumerabIe lecturers, who
diffiuse such a various profundity, in all sub
iects of human nature or celestial science, that
any man may acquire an omnigenious erudi-
ton, without the trouble of even learning to
read.
Thus literature is etherealzed by assuming
for its medium the human voice and knowl-
edge depositing all its heavier partices-ex-
sept, doubtless, lis gold-beeomes exhaled into
a sound, which forthwith steals into the ever
open ear of the community. There ingenious
methods constitute sort of machinery, by
which thought and study are done to every
persons hand, without his putting himself to
the slightest inconvenience in the natter
There is another species of machine for the
wholesale manufacturer Of Individual morality.
This excellent result is effected by societies tor
all manner Of virtuous purposes /: with which
man has merely to connect himself, throwing,
as it were, his quota of virtue into the COM
mon stock and the president and directors
will take care that the aggregate amount be
well applied. All these, and other wonderful
Improvements in ethics, religion, and litera-
turc, being made to my comprehension by the
ingenious Mr.. Smooth-it-away inspired me
with a vast admiration of Vanity Fair.
1t would FIJI a volume. in an age of pamph-
lets, were to record all my observations in
this great capital of human business and
pleasure. There was an unlimited range of
society-the powerful, the wise, the witty.
and the famous in every walk Of lile-princcs.
presidents, poets. generals, artists, actors and
nliilanthropists, all making their own market
at the Fair, and dcem;ng no price too cxorbi-
t;ant for sach commodities as hit their fancy.
1t is we'll worth ones while, even if be had no
idea of buying CT selling to lotcr through the
Tazaars and observe the various sorts of traf-
&c that were going forward
Some of the purchasers. [ thought, made
.ery foolish bargains. For instance. young
..,n. having inherited a splendid fortune, laid
ts,.i t, considerable portion Of it in the pur-
chase Of diseases, and finally spent all the rest
for heavy lot of repentance and suit of
rags Ihrre was a sort Of stock or scrip,
called Conscience, which seemed to be in great
demand. and would purchase almost anything.
Indeed few rich commodities were to be OIL
tanned without paying heavy sum in this
particular stock. as mans business was sell
dom very lucrative, unless he knew precisely
when and how to throw his hoard of Con
science into the market. Yet as this stock
was the only thing of permanent value, who
ever parted with it wa. sure to find himself a
loser IN the long run.
Gi!ded chains were in great demand, and
: nun1x ,lJ In Il
those who desired. according to the old adage
to sell anything valuable for song, might
find customers all over the Fair; and there
were innumclablc mcsscs of pottage, piping
hot, for such as chose to buy them with their
birtll-rirllts. \ few articles, however, could
not be found genuine at Vanity Fair. If d
customer wished to renew his stock of youth
the dealers offered him set Of false teeth and
an auburn wig; if he demanded peace of mind
they recommended opium, or brandy bot
tie.
Tracts of land and golden mansions, in tho
Celestial City, were often exchanged, at very
disadvantageous rates, for a few years lease o
small, dismal, inconvenient tenements in Fani
/ ty Fair
Day after day, as I walked the streets o
Vanity. my manners and department became
more and more like those of the inhabitants
The place began to seem like home; the ide;
of pursuing my travels to the Celestial Cit,
was obliterated from my mind. l was remind
ed of it, however, by the sight of the sam
pair of simple pilgrims at whom we had laugh
so heartily when Appollyon puffed smoke an'
steam into their faces, at the commencement
of our journey. There they stood amid tn
densest hustle of Vanity-the dealers offering
them their purple, ard fine linen, and jewels
the men of wit and humor gliding at them
pair of buxom ladies ogling them askance
while the benevolent Mr.. Smooth-it-awa
whispered some of his wisdom at their elbow
and pointed to a newly erected temple-br
F there were these worthy simpletons, maxim
the scene look wild and monstrous, merely b
their sturdy Reputation of all part in its bus
ncs or pleasures.
: One of thcm-his name was Stick-to-tl
: right-perceived in my face, 1 suppose, sp
cies of sympathy and almost admiratio
5 which to my own surprise l could not ne
L feeling for this gragnlatic couple. 1t promp
e ed him to address me.
Sir inquired he, with sad, yet mild al
kindly voice, ''do you call yourself pilgrim
= yes" I replied, my right TO that appel
I ton is indubitable. am merely sojourn
here in Vanity Fair, being bound to the {
+ lestial City by the new railroad"
"Alas, my friend reioined Mr.. Sticl-to-t
, right, Il do assure you, and besecch you
receive the truth of my words, that the who
concern is bubble. You may travel on
J all your lifetime, were you to live thousands
y years, and yet never get beyond the limits
Il Il Vanity Fair Yea, though you should dee
" yourself entering the gates of the Bless
:" City, it will be nothing but miserable de