Dayton daily empire. [volume] (Dayton [Ohio]) 1850-1865, 1860-03-17

The beet way to condemn lad traits Is to prac
tice good ones.
--0DD. - That rivers should be SO fulljust whsr
they empty themselves.
They who "pue" in their youth, can ness
look spruce" in old age.
Fly IN all haste from tho asnd who will sufie
you TO teach him nothing.
Remember that reaction must not be youi
business, bat preparation for it.
A remedy for HydrOphobil.- AssOeiat,
with puppies,
This world cannot explain It's own di0ieulti,i
without assistance of fRnother.
--Itis not always the rag yedost man that is The
shabbiest fellow.
A woman smoking cigar. All sbOs at ono end
api u. she al the other.
You know meek modesty as you do mock.
turtle, from It's being the produce Of n calls head.
The reason why some people put on airs is
probably because lhey have nothing else TO put
| on.
III that places himself neither higher nor
lower than he ought to do, exercises tue truest
humanity.
"A distinguished writer says that "nothing can
be groat which Is not right" VIII he tell us what
he thinks Of great wrong.
The man who is fond Of puddings and pies,
pl COS himself fearfuly in the power OF his wife.
The great difference between men, the grsa
and insignidcant, Is energy.
"A lady, describing an ill.natursd man, says
He never smiles but he feels ashamed Of It,"
In those degenerate days, character is
weighed with "cash balance"
"A frequenter ofpublic dinners complains Of
the overwhelming quantity of dry toast.
-"Guilty or not guilty." said Judge to a ma
two of the Emerald Isle.
"Just as your honor PLACES. 1t is not for the
likes o. me to dictate to your honor's worship"
was the reply.
Holmes, aftOr telling that dog was shot for
biting woman's leg, said 1t was ply 10 shoot n
dog with such fine taste.
An Album, prythee what III
book always shun;
Kept to bc filed with othor's wit,
By people who have none.
--Query for "smilers"-was ever western
whiskey seen "comin' through the Ryef"
-IIOw to reforna Chimney sweep.--MAko
Clean Sweep Of him.
Tho Modereu Conute.-Louis Napoleon, when
be said "thus far and no farther" to the Papul
See.
Real Estate Con.-How was the Land of Ca
nasn divided by Abraham and his nephewi
The western portion was taken by Abraham the
eastern was chosen by Lot.
To ladies only--In loves archery the "bsau"
should not be overbent, lest he ''snap."
Go down upon only on one knee to a young
lady. Ifyou go down upon both yon may not be
able to escape quick enough in case of tho ap-
pearance OF an enraged father.
Peculiarly the Reyerse.--It is an old proverb
that "a man is known by the company he keeps"
likely to be known by the company that keeps
him.
--"Who settled Virginia."
"John Smith,"
"Who unsettled Virginiai"
"John Brown"
"Who settled John Brownl"
"Virginia."
-"Rirst class Ia natural philosophy stan up.-
What's attraction"
"Please, sir, know. The look that blue
eyed gal gives 10 her lover"
"kigbt sir. Now tell me what intertia is."
"Intertiai sir is desire to remain where you are,
a feeling that piece Of calico experiences whom
leaning against a cOlOred velvet vest"
"Right again, sir. Call the neIi clas', do you
heAry"
"oGR HAr."-Mr. Slang has just married his
second wife. On the day after the wedding, Mr..
Slang said;
al mean to enlarge my dairy"
''Y mean cur dairy, my dear" replied
Mrs. Slang.
"No." qaoth Mr.. Slang; al say shall enlarge
my dairy"
'say our dairy, say ourl' screamed Mrs. Slang,
seiziDg the poker.
"My dairy my dairy my dairy" vocifsrAtsd
the huFband.
'our dairy our daryl our dairyl" reechoed his
wife, emPhasiEing each "our" with blow Of the
poker upon the back Of hOr crinsng spouse.
Mr. Slang re,roated under the bed. In pass.
ing under the bed clothes Mr.. Ssng's hat was
brushed off, Mr. Slang rename undyr the cover
several minutes, waiting for calm. All 9Th his
Wife saw him ,hrustng his lead out from under
the bed much like turtle from his shelf
What Are you looking for AFR. slsngi" says
she.
II am looking. my dear" suivellsd no, to 'see
If can SEQ any thing Of our hat"
The struggle Was over. An ever since the
above memorable occurrence, Mr.. Slang has
avoided tho odious singular pronoun.
"DoDGK rnE Bio OxEs"--A gentleman relates
an anocdote Of the Mexican war, which has never
bon pDblisbcdi
When the American army was forming in line
for the battle VI Bunea Vista, Ge1. Lane was ri.
ding up and down the line Of his IndiHna regiment
The Mexicans had statlond some small guns on a |
neighboring height, which we're blazing away |
most fdrio1sy on Gen. Lanes regiment But rs
their guns were badly aimed. the balls in
every passed their heads, but sulisiently
near as TO cause the men, they beard the pesu-
liar whiI Of the balls 70 involuntary 'duek their
heads.
Gen, Lane happened to notice this, and 10 his
rough, stontoriAn voiee he bAwlsd oats
''IndianA regimsnl 70 dOdging!'
In about Eve minutes after, the tremendous
whiE Of . tWsaty -foar pound shot passed close 6y
the head of the gallant brigadier. and In an in
stant involuntary bObbed his head. The men saw
this, and eommenoed tittsrinR along tho line,
which the old General saw. Tarning around with
sort Of quizEiea expression, he numbered out:
"Indiana regiment Dodge ne zig onsst'
--LAeOnlc.-The London Court Journal saws
that Prince Alborts interest 10 az ieultural Affairs
increases constantly, and Mr.. II. b Hale, Of
Durham, lately sent His Royal Highness "a mag.
nidoent white bull, oflhe short horn breed, which
was accepted with much gra aciOusness."
Through the kindness Of Pcinos Albert We are
copy Of the letter With which Mr.. Hale accom-
panied bis bovine gift. II Is As follows.
To II, r. II. Prince Albert
Bully for yOul II. D. HALG.
Fanny Ferns OplnIOn is that there s no such
process as makiag love. The article cannot be
manufactured IL Is the spOntanOous growth Of
'ood planted In a warm material soil and u half a
passion aowor, and half heavenly exotic. As
he soul survives the body. the divine esssnSo OF
Owe survives its pasSional instinct. Thisi alWAys
he easo phero the sentiment Il gonnlna. bat an
spurious love la ~ common A. 0DnrlOne