, 1860-06-08
How an Advertisement got a wife.

"Tobacco is the tomb Of love-" writes mod.
ern novelist Of high standing; but, with every
respect for his authority, beg to say It was
quite the contrary in my case.
Twenty-one years ago, was sitting by my
freside, totting up innumerable pages Of my
housekeeping book, taking exercise in arithmetic
on long columns Of "pettty cash"--comprising
items for carrots and Bath bricks, mental tacks
and mutton chops, until, tired and wearied, ar.
rived at the sum total, and jerked the book on
the mantel.piece. Nearly at the same time
placed my hand in the pocket Of my dressing
gown, drew out leather case, and lit Principe.
Well, having lit the Principe, placed my feet
on the fender and sighed, exhausted by my long
job Of domestic accounts. Twas then In business
twas a small wholesale business then, It's
large one now-yet one mornings tOttering Of
! carrots and Bath bricks. of metal tacks and
lSutton chops, would tire me thousand times
mors than twenty-iour hours Of honest ledger
work. / sighed, not from love, but from labor;
for, to tell you the truth, had never been in
love. Is this to 60 on iorCveri thought !, as !
took my third Whit, and looked dreamily through
the thin smoke as It assembled between me and
. large print Of the capture Of Gibralter, which
hung over the chimney-piecef Am to spend
my prime in totting up parsnips, and computing
carrots, and comptT0lling washing billse Isighed
again, and in the act of few the button Of my
neck-band as though some superior power had
seas0nably sent the accident TO remind me Of
| my helplessness.
The button settled the business; though. as Il
slipped down inside my shirt and passed with
is mother-o'-pearl coldness over my heart Il
for moment threatened to chill my matrimonial
resolution. pitied my own lonely state, and
pity, We know, Is akin to love But how was
the matter to be accomplished Most men at
nnu al
nation to some object; 30 that having made up
their mind and counted the cost, little more
would have remained 10 be done than to decide
upon the day, and lay hold upon the license.
This however was not the case with me. ! had
been TOO much occupied, too idle, or too indolent
to devote the time, or make the effort TO form
an attachment" II was through no disinclina
ton or difficulty to be pleased; for had any,
young lady Of moderately agreeable powers
taken the trouble, she might have married me
long ere then. ! should even have been CRATE
fGl 70 her f6r taking the trouble of my hands,
but was too bAshfnl to adopt the initiative.
Accordingly, I thought Of an advertisement;
yet with no practical design Of doing business,
scratched with pencil on the back Of letter,
the iollowing:-
-WAxTED wUE-None but principals need
apply. The advertiser does not require cash,
but only companion. He Is six and twenty,
and tired Of single, he thinks he can settle down
to married lie Az niun 60, he believes be has
moderate share Of temper, and want Of time Is
his only reason for having recourse to tha news
papers He has enough means for himself and
. second party, and is willing TO treat ct once.
He e quite aware that . great many attempts
70 convert his honest intentions into an extrava-
CANT joke viii be made. but be warns al rash in.
8~..A N L.. 81. A.