Brookville American. [volume] (Brookville, Ind.) 1858-1861, 1860-01-20
Gunreits of the Scissors.
by- What chemist is not TO be be-
lleyed? Liebig.

boyY "Oh, yes, | am always cuttinga
dne one'
ps1- Society seldom forgivesf those
I who have discovered the emptiness Of
its pleasures. ts'.'''
pa- 1t is said that the Yankee, who
was ut the point OF death, whitfield il of
with his jack knife and got well.
Bar II thought you told mo, Doctor,
that Smiths fever had gone Off" ooh,
yes, it and Smith went together"
Lt9r A Mr. Lyon declined fghtine a
lducl and was called dog for Il. .ssAh.
you may call mo dog, but 1.-Two dog n
better than dead Lyon" -
b<s- We hear great deal about Great
Britain's poor laws. But we fear that
there are great many laws quito as poor
in our own country.
r0- Ono would think that tho mos.
quito means to bc "a scrupulously honest
insoct-he always gives song for his
supper. 1870
p1y- Don't Judge of moral character
by the face. The frog is moro innocent
than many an animal that has much
handsomer physiognomy. isf..,t
r9- Bubbles" Of tho California Col.
den Era, tells you how to preserve your
hair. "If you are single, remain SO; IL
married, do oil your kissing at home"
psy- What is the difference betwcena q
butcher and young lady? Tho FORM
kills 10 dress, while the latter dresses 10
kill.
ear The common opinion il, that We
should take good care of children at all
seasons of the year; but IL is we'll enough
in the winter 10 "let them slide"
sSe- If a man should set out calling
everything BY its right mama, he would
bc knocked down before he got TO the
corner of tho street.
ssS- In France love is comedy; in Eng.
land tragedy; in Italy an opera: I'm
Germany melodrama, and, We may
add, in America fiace.
sEs- The dentists of Indiana arc about
to form u State association. Their seal
will be molar, with the motto, 1--WE pull
together"
pn- What il the difference between
an oriental Fireplace and tho largest
ship in tho world? One is an Eastern
grato, and the other tbs Great Eastern.
Ry- A teacher Of vocal music asked
an old lady if her grandson had an ear
for music. "Wa'at, said the old lady.
II really don't know; won't you take -
candle and look p
n@- Among tho curosities lately ad-
ded to the museum is mosq blad-
der, containing the souls Of twenty mis-.
ers and the fortunes oftwclve printers
nearly halftull.
pE- II is said that the Tartars invite
n man to drink by pulling his ear. In
this country the same means are some-
times used to inforce man TO pay for
what hc has already drank.
nA- Ar English paper asks what kind
Of entertainment we could give 10 a
veteran English army. We guess that
we could give them good many balls
and few routs.
BD- A MODEST DUH.--The Texan
Mercury in n modest dun to his delin.
quent patrons says:
Suffer little sums TO come unto us,
for Of such is our income."
p1- Jake" said an old farmer, one
day, to one ofhis mowers, "do you know
how many horns there arc in dilem.
map" mo-" replied Jake; "but know
how many horns there arc in quart Of
whisky"
rs5- A very clever conundrum was
that which took prize at Phladelphia
some years since: "In what manner
did Captain May cheat the Mexicans2
He charged them with troop of horses
which they never got"
R1- The editor Of the New York News
says he came long ago the conclusion
that the negroes are an inferior race
Ifhe meaus inferor to white men gen.
orally, he is right; If to himself individ-
ually, hc isn't.
-Sa A Frenchman, having heard the
phrase, "Ive got other fish to fry"
very readily learned its application
One evening" after escorting lady home,
and being invited TO walk in, he thought
Of the above expression, excused him.
self by saying II thank you, madame;
| must cook some fish"
Gag Too SMART.-"Come here my lit
tie man, said gentleman TO a youngster
of five years, while sitting in a parlor
where large company was assembled,
"Do you know me?' 'sYeth, thir,"
"Who am /, let mo hoar3" '"You is the
man who kithed mamma when papa was
in New AllS!'
BT- A recent writer thus concludes
his story: "Ihis 10 my 1st attempt at
writin Tail & il 10 far from bein per-
fck, but | have indoosed folks 10 see
that in cases out of 10 thee can make
Life as barren as The Desert of Sarah,
or as joyous as fowor garding, my
object will have bin accomplishcd.-r
Adoo."
bO- An Irishman was going along
the road, whan an angry bull rushed
down upon him, and with his horns
tossed him over the fence. The Irish
man, recovering from his fall, upon look
ing up, saw the bull paving up the
ground Gas it is the custom OF the ami
NAL when irritated0 whereupon Pat
smiling at him, said: off twas not for
your bowling and scrapirg, and your
humble apologies, yon brute, faixl
should think you had thrown me ovor