Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1860-12-14
wRiTTEs FoR THE DELAWARE eAzETTE.
CLYDE PAPERS, NO. XII.
IA Which Mr.. Emmins Proves the Folly Of Ad-
{ 1iasf vsrtising fer Wife.

d551ia CLYDE PAPERS, NO. XII.
IA Which Mr.. Timmins Proves the Folly Of Ad
ihossf vertising fer q Wife
i : f.,e, 6s BY KITTY CLYDE
g sat me down in thought profound,
l. j This maiden for to view; = 6-
,1Tis easier far to love the girls,
4 8 Than make the girls love you !"
/ What a solemn fact this is every wore
inst as true as preaching and have fully
and faithfully. proved its truthfulness and SO
lempity. have reserted to every means un-
| der the shining SUM- to induce them to love me;
even me z but all. ali in vain MY efforts, and
there Is nothing left for me to do now but sit
down in solitude, and alone. Oh, miserable
man that am; who shall deliver me from
| this great affiiction? Echo answers, who?-
| Why, have dressed and cembed, brushed and
perfumed, and succeeded. after most earnest
endeavors, and most ,tnqlitigated toll, 10 rails
ing luxurious crop of whiskers, which I
fattered myself would surely take their hearts
by. storm as they profess to think them as
wholly indispensable to the charms of US mas
culines. declaring them to be charming, be-
witching, perfectly killing, &c" but all to 10
purpose. Then I have fattered them, and
smiled on them my sweetest smiles, and breath
ed in their ears words low. and tender, and
showered upon them with lavish hand, gifts,
boquets, bilIet-deaux's, and favors of all sorts
and sizes, but all, all in yain- There was new
er a concert, or lecture. or exhibition that
came off in town. but that I escorted two or
three of them thither, and they always seemed
delighted in my society on such occasions, very
much more than at any other time, and have
felt quite encouraged from the smiles they
we're wont to bestow upon me at such timesf
but alasl they were the g morning cloud, and
the early dew" And dear me ; what heaps
upon heaps Of tickets for Fairs, Shows, &c,
I have purchased for their pleasure; and many
and many dime have / spent for ginger
bread, lemonade, peanuts and such like, with
which the dear creatures might regale
themselves on such occasion and there is no
end to the buggy-rides, sleigh-rides, and boat
rides, have given them, but all all in vain.-
How terribly feel when think of the mon
ey have wasted, aud the years and strength,
and all my energies, aud good looks which |
priced more than all else, and all for naught.
All. how truthfally has the poet said
How vain are all things here below,
How false, and yet how fair "
No wonder the lines with which comnfeIic-
ed this page in my heart history, have become
the burden, of my song, from day to day
After had made all these efforts and without
success, there was but one course for me to
pursue, or else must sit down in solitude and
alone and the thought of a life of single
blessedness was more than could endure, SO
resolved TO pnrsue it, although l had always
declared l would nerer advertise for wife,
unless driven to desperation. We'll was
driven TO it, for as remarked before, had
left no other means untried, and my thinly
scattered locks. wherein here and there a sil-
yer thread was cleaning and my once ador-
ed wlliskers. which now began TO have the ap-
.pearance of dried, mullin-stalks in a pasture
field and the bald place as large us the ifeurt
of my hand, occuPYiDg qIsite conspicuous
position on my bnmp of reverence, and the
feet in the corners Of my face, were every mo-
ment whispering in my ears in warning tones
.-Oh haste /; be spry; ,+S
And use your time.
And while you E.ay go marry;
b. ii ig For having LOST 'a7efl aeS -
eI3 Ge But once your prime. t $40 w
- 1. You may forever tarry. s t-4ss
a. Just to think of it; forever. Oh! will
try anything and everything rather than
tarry . alone, so determined to advertise
but what a terrible fix got myself in by do
ing SO. Twas worse than anything that had
as yet happened me ; why the poor old pill
grim foundering about in the Slough of Des-
pond was nothing to it. sz
AS the muses. sometimes favor me with their
divine presence" l thought that | would
prepare my advertisement in rhyme, thinking
it would be something out of the common Or
der or things, and would sooper attract the
attention of those for whom it was intended,
as the ladies all profess to be passionately
foud of poetry especially when It's good
and feeling in rather a tender mood one day
siezed my pen and wrote as follows:
q,,gu 43 WANTED.
Wartei-a form to call my own,
5.- OF loveliness and grace
E voice that $ full of music's tone,
A fair, sweet, smiling face.
,Wanted-soft eyes TO beam ON me,
s.sz, All radient with loves light
Lips, sweet as blossoms to the bee;
And hands so soft and white.
Wanted bright shining curls to stroke,
While resting from my toll
A vino to wreathe this sturdy oak,
And richer make the soil.
wsnted-ligbt, tripping feet to go,
Where er my pathway lies;
i' And when the stars forget so glow,
To guide me with her eyes.
Wanted-a heart all tenderness,
To be my joy through life;
4a One to comfort soothe and bless,
HIS A rare, sweet, bonny wife.
Any lady answering TO the description given
above, win please address, z. Tinmins, box
536. Rade St, Phi1a-
waited with the utmost ipppatience for ap
answer, for the space of a week, ore Of the
longest weeks ever spent; but it came at
last, enclosed in dainty white envelope, most
gracefully written and sweetly perfumed,
wherein the fair writer, in the most elegant
language, represented herself as one who
had long been sighing for congeniar spirit
one with wboB she would willingly walk with
side by side along life's thorny way that she
was assured there existed, somewhere in this
wide, wide world one for her, but she had nev.
er for one moment imagined she had found
him, until she perused my charming little adj
vertisement, then something seemed to whis-
per to her, that with the author of those lines,
her destiny was nnalterHbly fixed that hence
forth they were to tread the same long path
together; and that she humbly and modestly
f1attered herself, that she world answer TO the
description thereip but, BY calling on Angeli-
ma Brown, residing at No. 242 Eight street,
would be able to judge for myself"
Didn't my heart throb tremendously, as
eagerly perused that precious epistle! Wdn't
Shake and tremble, and quiver all over, in
the fullness of the joy that flooded my whole
being, like forest leaves in the summer breeze
or like one IN an ague ft.
Why, Balboa's Josy, when he had climbed