Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1860-10-12
Miscellany.
THE MUSTARD PLASTER.

A STORY FOR VERY YOUNG MEN.
Yo VINO listen with credulity to the
bland shments oil tthe efervescent champagne
or the delicious curclng Of Monongahela
as It emanates from the circular aperture Of
an earthen jug. and who foolshly imagine
That tho entertainment Of tonight will be
atton3e5 by no unpleasant consequences on
the morrow, attend to the history, not Of
Rassol4s Prince Of Abyssinia, but Of the
Mus,aTd Plaster:
Ia great city, at a time when the
write Oh this narrative was much Younger
and far less wise than he Is now, it hap
penel on certain dismal Sunday evening
thai Q friend called to see him at his lodg-
ing at a boarding house. Now, the one
fried being IS blue and miserable as the
other, and both being very silly, they took
it into their skulls TO 90 forth upon the
street, to see what they might see, and do
"whatever they pleased" It was
exceedingly cold and exceedingly clear.
Tao bracin. weather, the stars that came
out rs the evening shades began TO fall, and
the b,Iliant light Of the gas lamps, ought
to have been enough TO cheerup the young
rarscl Hons, and would have been, If, like
sensible people, they had walked rapidly
and briskly along fer two or three miles.
Ba. this they did not do. Instead of a
natural they sought an unnatural, an arti-
fcial, euticing, injurious stimulant.
They went into the first restaurant they
came to and took q drink They felt
better. They plunged into an oyster eel
lar and took another drink.-They felt still
better \ third drink was taken, and a
Fourth, fifth, a sixth-and after that they
ceased to count them. Had the weather
been less cold, they must have fallen dead
drunk in the streets. If they had been
thus fortunate, the watehman would have
carried them TO the cage, and the lesson
would have lasted them through life. In
consequence Of the intense cold, however,
the endless potations ofwhich they partook
served only to make them loquacious. So
that after they had drank right and left,
first one side aud then the other, Of fully
nile and half Of street, they were enabled
10 sit down very steadily on the wharf, and
there to indulge in vinous and nonsensical
glb5e 70 their hearts content, experience
ing 40 III effects whatever from the cold,
on the contrary deriving benefit from it,
ioT every moment they sat there they were
breathing away the inoTdinate quantity Of
alcohol with which their young stomachs
were loaded.
How long thoy staid there. what made
them get up and leave, how they got back
to the clearinghouse, and whether they
took any more drinks On the way, is un-
known to at least one Of them-to myself
All was, and must forever remain to me,
a horrid blank. Ny friend left ne at the
front door. remember opening the door
with my night latch key, and the next
thing knew | was standing at the door
Of my room two stories higher. didn't
feel very drunk. l went into my room,l lit
nv lamp, took look around things look
Cd very natural. l must have been toler-
ably sober. Pulled of my coat and vest
without much difficulty. 1t was too much
trouble TO put them On a chair, so dropped
them on the floor. Found that my cravat
was tied in hard knot "No matter; III
sleep in it." Tried 10 pull eff my boots.
Right boot came off about half way, and
there stopped. pulled and pulled. but it
Houi1 not bulge. Tried the left boot.
lnat served me precisely in the same way.
inea took deliberate survey of both
boots, half of and half on-and then-"It's
al after ot taste," said l, "this sleeping
vita ycnr ieet naked. As for me, | won't
do It. The boots are,uv boots; I've got q
right to wear 'em in bed ifI choose and
5 I'm gong TO do It." So fell down in
the bed and went to sleep in a second
How long | slept, don't know. When
I woke UP the room was not SO dark as 10
prevent my seeing the objects that wore in
tt.and all these objects were running around
ike lightning. Ny head whirled, my bed
whirled, everything whirled, whirled
vhirled. And oh! the horrible, horrible
nausea l was sick unto death, weaker
than water, fat on my back and utterly
unable to turn. But NY stomach wa
strong-strong enough to eject from its in
terror what occasioned that dreadful nau
sea. Wilt be believed ,can it be believe,
that, after the explosion. was 60 utterl.
proshated as to be obliged TO lie perfect,
still III the bed just as 1t was and Just as
was, Alas it is too true. What i
worse, went straightway to sleep again
and slept. This was enough to sicken maj
for life; but my troubles were not over vet
Ihad not otboenlongssleepbeiore was rousr,
By the most unmerciiul pain in the mid re
gion that mortal ever endured. Loath t
reveal my situation, but unable to ris
from my bed, l stood the pain as long as