Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1860-05-19
rEro,, Raa;on Paner.4
Extraordinary and L-idicrOusl
Case OF SpOnteOus GeneratIOn--
Ne-y Theory of Creation.


Many eminent naturaIists Of the present
day as well as of former times advocate
the doctrine of Spontaneous generation
But their opponents have tauntingly asked
them to show instances when Nature has
begun her operations. Where is the nest
egg OF any particular species, animal or veg
etable! Show us the beginning Of one Of
those innamefabIe threads of animal life,
ever enghtening from Natures spool -!
You may show the end Of a series, but new
er the beginning; the first specimen Of
pair has never been visible. The scientific
men about Boston have been recently w.
ked up by an astounding fact. One in
stance, if nottwo, Of spontaneous generation,
or metamorphosis just as strange, is well es-
tablished, as having taken place on board
the Steamer Spalding, on return trip
from Charleston having on board the Mas
sachusetts delegation from Charleston, and
other eminent, scientific persons. The del
gates had purchased a couple Of you : al
ligators which they placed in a tank on
board the steamer Strict search was made
throughout the vessel, above aud bellows and
not sign Of a Niger on board was visi-
BILE. There is overwhelming evidence that
the aiqger was missing when the vessel
started. And how could he Get there
when the Spalding was 500 miles off at
sea? However, the fact may be accounted
for on Sunday morning, shrek Of terror
and alarm was heard on deck, and the Cap
tain, mate and crew rllshedinto the passen-
ger cabin, declaring that a very large Niger
was aboard. The cool Caleb Gushing de-
declared il was impossible-that the niger
could and did 90 everywhere, but could
net walk on salt water; the Captain must
have seen a ghost, or be crazy. Caleb had
purged tie ship himself But the slow
movements of a four footed something was
heard approaching, and sure enough the
biggest sort of niger, long, lank and boz
ny, thrust his head into the door, creeping
on all fouis. Destruction was imminent,
aud several of the members went to pray
ers. Some cried out, throw the Niger
oyefboald;' but Caleb said it would not
do to enrage the niger, or lie might sink
the whole ship and perhaps the entire de-
mocracy. Others determined to jump
overheard, but Caleb said the Niger would
be after them, and deyour themlik shark.
The magnetic Influence Of the nigger dis
turbel the company and the Steamer turn
ed south. The niger showed his charac-
teristic appetite, and begged for crust Of
bread and SOME water But the Divine
Caleb had now an opportunity Of showing
his gratitude to his southern martyrs for
the many condescending kicks and cuffs his
friends had received at Charleston. The
delegates determined to send cufiay back
there; for a delegation of devils would rs
soon kidnap soul out Of purgatory as
these cody dougfaces would suffer a slave
to become a free man. But nobody dares
to approach the nigger-there he was like
the bear watching the man IN the saw-mill.
Caleb Gushing read a chapter out Of Jonah
to the niggcr, and asked him if he had any
objection to taking a passage u a
whales belly to Charleston Were the
darky was always happy. Pat the niger
claimed a right Of passagc with his broth
er delegates. Fortunately theSpalding hail
ed a sai! vessel, but the niger would not
get aboard Of IT, Caleb and his COM
peers left the Steiner and got on the said
,.esscl. Then and moi before, the persistent
nigger followed them. The Massachusetts
boys played him j trick, returned on board
the Spalding ana steamed homewards.-
The niger eyed them with the fierccness
of disappointed tiger, and told them to
look out for their alligators. The amazed
delegates found one Of these pets bad disap-
peared. a search was then made through
the resse from stem to stern, from hull to
rigging, the coal hunks were sifted, the
other hunks were turned over, and the boil
er was cmptied and the whole concern pu-
rifed, and tar was burned to dispel the
African flavor; and 500 witnesses are
ready to testify that that pcyy aizger was
on board at the time of the search, and
could not have boarded the vessel between
that and Boston BY any known means.-
But no sooner had the delegates landed at
Boston, than a bigger bigger han the first
stalked forth after them. Caleb's knees
smote together. The delegates with one
voice cried out, "a wonder, miracle; this
niger was not made BY other niggers but
is the result of spontaneous generation, or
combustion, OF. something as strange. -
Professor Agassiz was Immediately sent for,
End he found three bed-bugs that had
sucked the breasts Of as many delegates,
were evidently turning into very small mig
gers. The bugs were about half and halt.
In fact the professor said, the delegates
had been so thoroughly saturated with the
niger at Charleston, that ev-
cry thing they took hold Of, OF which took
hold of them. began to form into ifger.-
The professordiscovered the second alligator
was missing and he had no doubt he two
had produced the two BIG niggers,
for the members had iucautiously thrown
their wash-water into the tank where the al
ligaters were. But the philosophic, Caleb,
contends that the whole atmosphere Of theI
ship was inpregnated, and that the niggers
were produced by spontaneous generation.
But the miracle is equally astounding in eli
ther view. Improves the doughfaces can beat
the nigger at their own game and can make
oanrina n;wyafS either ont of nothinv.