The Cass County Republican. [volume] (Dowagiac, Mich.) 18??-1880, 1860-08-16
A Funeral Sermon.
by WHANG DOODLE.

And devout men carried Stephen to
his burial and made great lamentation
over him.-Acts viii, 2.
My dear Douglas Brethern: Il in
tend to talk to you this time about the
folly and sinfulness of worshipping
man. The heather bow down to i'm
ages of wood and stone, and some
worship unclean beasts, while others
bow in humble alteration even to kiss
a great toe. But we of this generation
have been guilty of the meanest idola-
try of all, in worshipping a lump Of
corrupt flesh and blood called Stephen
now defunct. A few weeks ago, when
we ladened our vessel with rum and
whisky for our brethren, who were sent
as missionaries to the port of Charles
ton, in the foreign land of South Caro-
lima, to preach the gosple of Dred
Scott and Squatter Sovereignty, and
gave them gold and silver wherewith
to buy their bread and meat, our de-
parted friend was full of.promise, and
high uplifted as the gold of Democra-
cy, and all who would fall down and
worship him should have their reward.
But alas! our brethren have returned
to as with nothing but his unseemly
carcass. "And devout men carried
Stephen.to his burial, and made great
lamentation over him."
And it came to pass, when our chief
priests and elders were gathered to-
gether in Convention at Charleston,
that many of the heathens Of that re-
gion would not fall down and worship
our golden calf And we said unto
them that they were wrong, and that
the golden calf would grant them
many indulgencies; he would give
them Bourbon whiskey, apple jack and
red eye as beverages, and had prom
ised nine hundred and ninety-nine for
foreign missions, post-offices, custom
houses and to take FIVE hundred old
fogies into his cabinet. But this would
not avail. Nary bowel of compass
sion could be moved within them, and
therefore our brethren returned to us.
"And devout men carried Stephen to
his burial, and made great lamentation
over him."
And the deciples of Stephen spake
unto them, saying, that they did not
care whether niggers were voted up
side down, or down side up, it made
no difference. But they were rebel
lious, and declared that we must get
the nigger out of the fence and protect
him in the territories where there are
no fences; but we couldn't do it. We
referred them to Freeport where Ste
phen spake of ssunfriendly legislation, y
but they didn't care a red for the Pol
ice Magistrate of the Territories, but
would pasture their niggers there, on
Uncle Sans farm. They wouldn't let
us put fence of unfriendly legislation
around them, and because we wouldn't
give the niggers pasture, they waxed
wrath, and Stephen gave up the ghost.
"And decout men carried Stephen to
has burial, and made great lanae,atatio'a
ouer him Z"
In vain our brethre, promised to
erect false bottomed platform to de-
lude the heather with tricks of ledger
demain. But they needed not our en-
treaties. Oh, the "irrepressible con-
fict!m 1t squeezed our poor little Ste-
phen so hard, that gout nor influenza
need trouble him no more. They cast
rocks upon him. The lions roared al
him. The eagle s'quiyered his tail at
him in proud defiance" Old Buck
shook his horn at him. The nigger
shook his wool and laughed at him, be-
cause the sRail maulerD received more
votes from the Suckers than he did.
And one hundred and ffiy-two and a
half brethren stood by and saw him
crushed out and bewailed their empty