davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Killing Clergvmen.

The Courier and Enquirer, secular
daily paper Of New York says
=" Churches in the United States kill
their clergymen, but the death is not al
ways inflicted in the same way. 1t is q
slow, sweet, sure love which accompanies
them, in some delightful instances; it is
by an exacting relentless, unceasing task
on the other The great mass Of those
who have taken on their hearts life 5
greatest and severest duty, go from one
place to the other, criticised, misjudged,
overworked, undergrad, the life of an
angel demanded Of them, but the food OF
a fast day given them. If they are i'm
prudent, they are put aside; if they are
Independent, they are put down; if they
sin e. and there is no man living that
sinneth not" J the rack and the fagot, in
words of censure. are their fate and who
ever essays to forgive them, must expect
to lind that virtue economically admins
tered to him. Air and water are said ia
be free to all men. Just let clergyman
luxuriate in the open atmosphere, in the
dashing wave, and if the congregation
don't overhaul the unlucky gymnast OF
yachtman, all experience fails"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
y M o Upm WEEKLY HERALD

be difficult to say which of the two class
mates was most disappointed at this de.
rangement of the plans Charley watched
the progress of the fever almost as apx-
iously as Mrs. Cotton, and daily beset the
doctor, to learn the prospect Of a speedy
recovery.
. The third week had arrived before
SHenry was able TO be dressed and
breathe the ontet air for few moments
OF the day. Examination day came, and
by Charles earnest entreaties the inval
i'd was permitted to be present on the
important OCCASION He sat next his
friend and leaned upon him when too
weary with the effort of excitement.-
After many less interesting exercises the
President at last arose, and with some
words of explanation, proceeded to con.
fer, as he said, the highest mark of honor
ever received in the institution. The
star was awarded to Charles Morris,
for punctuality in attendance, propriety
of department, and success in scholar
ship"
There was moment of almost breath
less attention through the crowded audi
ence, as Charley walked to the foot of
the platform. and was seen to address a
few words to the President. Those who
were nearest, could hear him say
That star, sir, does not rightly belong
to me. Henry Cotton has worked harder
than I, to obtain it. He is better
scholar, and but for sickness, would most
certainly have been at the bead of all his
classes"
After moments consultation with the
gentlemen on the platform, the President
replied
The faculty, Morris, prefer that you
should retain the star as you have liter
ally fulfilled the conditions prescribed. y
1T would not be right, sir" said
Charley, firmly, though with trembling
voice. Il beg you will give it to
Henry"
In that case, you must yourself be-
stow it." said the President. Henry
Cotton will come forward"
Henry, unsuspecting what was going
on, advanced, his pale face flushed with
wonder and excitement. Charley, stoop.
ing down, fastened the star upon his
breast, and then supported him back to
their seat. The noisy applause Of the
audience Jared almost painfully upon
his hears, full as it was, of deeper joy
than earthly fame can give-the JOY of
obedience to the precept. {" In honor
preferring one another" In his mothers
loving smile he found full reward for
the sacrifice Of his selfish ambition
Coveting earnestly the best gifts, he had
found in the spirit of brotherly kindness
!" a more excellent wav."
COUSIN CARRIE.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
CONSUMING.

A country gentleman visited the CITY,
and immediately repaired to the house Of
a relative, a lady who had married a
merchant The parties were glad to sec
him, and invited him to make their house
his his home las he declared his intention
Of remaining in the city but a day or
two). The husband, anxious to show at.
tentlon to relative and friend of his
wife, took the gentlemau's horse to liz.
cry stable in the neighborhood. Having
staid eleven days, iastead of two. the
country gentleman went to the stable
and ordered his horse to be got ready :.
The bill was Of course presented.
=" Oh" said the gentleman, Mr.. -
my relative, will pay this"
Very good. sir" said the stable kee.,
per, please to get an order from Mr.,
-, It will be the same as the money"
The horse was putup again, end down,
went the country gentle uan to. Long.
Wharf, on whch the merchant kept.
Well" said be, : | am going now.
Are you p said the merchant.
" Well, about-the horse, the man saws
the bill must be paid for his keeping"
Well, l suppose that is ali right,
sir.
" Yes-well, but, you know that 1 am
your wife'S cousin"
Yes said the merchant, II know
you are, but your horse is moi. !"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Freoman's Cat3cdjsm Concerning
The Trreprassible Conflict.

Question.-Who first promulgated the doc
trine of the irrepresSble conflict ?
Answer.-Thomas Jefferson
Q. When and how did be promulgate it ?
A. In letter to friend in 1921.
Q. What did he say
a. Nothing is more certainly written in
the book of fate than that these people (ne-
gro slaves are to be free; nor is it less certain
that the two forms Of society cannot be per-
petuated under the same government"
O. Who next promulgated it
A. Henry Clay
O. When and where did he promulgate it =?
A In speech delivered before the Ameri.
can Colonization Society i'll 1927.
@. What did he say?
A Until universal darkness and despair
shall prevail, it will be impossible to REpREss
the sympathieS and the efforts of freemen in
behalf Of the unhappy portion of our race
who are doomed to bondage" ~
@ Who indorsed Mr.. CIay's remarks
A. Daniel Webster
Q Who says 50 !?
A Edward Everett.
@ Who next promulgated it?
A The Richmond Enquirer, a Democratic
newspaper.
Q. When did it promulgate it {?
A. In the Presidential campaign Of 1856
Q. What did it say
A. Two opposite and conflicting forms Of
society cannot, among civilized men, coeXiSt
and endure The one must give way and
cease to exist--the other become universal,
= ::
eff free society be unnatural immoral and
unchristan, it must fall and give way to slave
society social system old as the world. as
universal as man"
Q. Who next restated the fact
A. William II Seward.
@ When, where and how
A. In sheech delivered in Rochester in
1858.
G. What did he say?
A. While referring to the collision which
had occurred between the two systems % la
Dor in the United States, he said at (the
collision is an ifrepres>ibe conflict between
opposing and enduring forces; and it means
that the United States must and will, sooner
or later, become either entirely a slaveholding
nation, or entirely free-labor uationD
q. Did he intimate the process by which
they will ultimately become SO
A. He did. He said While confident
ly believe and hope that my country will yet
become a land Of universal freedom, | do not
expect that it will be made otherwise than
through the action of the several States CO.
operating with the Federal Government, and
all acting in strict conformity with their re-
spectiye Constitutions
Q. Is there any reason in this
A. Not unless Thomas Jefferson, Henry
Clay, Daniel Webster, and the editor Of The
HictmoHd Enquirer were traitors.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Railroad Disaster.

\ railroad accident took place awhile
ago In this State, upon which occasion
the attorney of the road visited the scene
of disaster to satisfy the claims of the
injured parties. After paying for black
eyes, bloody noses, and cracked crowns
all around, at the appraised of the injured
he supposed his business over, when he
was saIuted by tall Yankee, with feet
like snow shoes, a bell crowned hat, aud
blue coat over his arm, with
/" Wall Squire, what are you going to
allow me 2"
"You?" said the attorney, where
are you hurt?"
Oh, nowhere to speak of, Squire, but
l was most terribly scarf, and | think
that's worth about dollar, the way
you've been payin' on en-"
The dollar came, of course.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Our Strap 8ooh
A Joke by Telegraph.

Some ten years or more ago, there was,
upon the New York and Washington tel
egraph line, at the Philadelphia station,
an operator named Thayer, who, besides
being an adept at the business. was a
gentleman Of culture and wit, and ex
ceedingly fond Of joke. no matter at
whose expense. At the New York ter
minus of the line there was. upon the con
trary, steady matter-of fact sort Of man.
who was no appreciation of jokes and new
er practiced them. The President OF the
line was the Hon. B. B. French, for many
years clerk of the House Of Representa-
tives at Washing ton-a wit, poet and hu,
morist, and Of course appreciated humor
wherever he came across it.
Thayer took it into his head one day to
send a dispatch to some fictitious name
in New York, for the purpose Of enjoying
laugh at the expense of the operator at
New York. Accordingly he composed
and forwarded the following:
PHILADELPHIA, April 1, 1915.
To Mr.. Jones, New York
Send me ten dollars at once, so that |
can get my clothes. JULIA"
- words, collect 81 cents.
The operator at New York, not sus
pecting any joke, asked the Philadelphia
operator for the address.
The Philadelphia operator replied that
" the young lady did not leave any," and
asked him to look in the directory for
it,"
The New York operator replied that
he had already done SO, but that as there
were over fifty Joneses in the directory
he was at loss to know which one to
send it to-"
eff that's the case" says Thayer, you
had better send copy to each Of them,
and charge "a cents apiece"
The New York operator did so, and ]
will give the result Of the arrangement in
the words OF the President, Mr.. French
from whom, a few days after this affair
Mr.. Thayer received the following letter:
New YORK, April Is, 1916.
Mr.. Thayer-Sir; A few days since
YOU sent a dispatch purporting to come
from ore Julia, addressed to Mr.. Jones
New York. The New York operator
informed you that he desired an address
as there were upwards Of fifty Jones in
the directory, and he was at loss to
know which Of them it was designed for.
You replied that in that case he must
send copy to every one Of them and
charge upon each; and the operator at
New York, in the innocence of his heart,
did so. Some twenty OF the Jones paid
for their dispatches, but there was one
sent to the residence of al elderly mer
chant by that name, who being away
from home when it arrived, it was opened
by his wife, and was the occasion Of a
very unpleasant domestic scene. Mr.
Jones has been TO me in relation to the
matter, and threatens to sue the company
for damag taking the thing very much
to heart
Now this is all very funny and a good
joke, and have laughed at it as heartily
as anybody; but you had better not try
it again, or any of the operators upon the
line, if you value your situations.
B B. FRENCH.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
We Should Forgive Each Other.

We should forgive each other,
For hasty words will start
From sorrows fount, which springeth in
An overburden'd heart:
Aud we may never care to wound,
or.give our brother pain;
And if forgave the first offence,
We may not err again.
Let not the needless words we speak,
Be treasured in the mind
But let the dove of peace find rest,
And in each heart recline;
Let not false pride uphold us still.
But let loves voice be heard;
Aud may it plead in earnest tones
For every unkind word.
And 0, forget not that life's years
Are gliding fast away;
That time will come when earth shall claim
All its kindred clay;
And 0, forget not that when parted
By deaths approaching doom,
There is no ray of light to shed
Forgiveness in the tomb.
'Tis sweet unto the soul to her
That charming word forgive;
1t binds the stricken heart to hope,
And for bright love to live;
Then let us all obey that rule
Which bids us e love each other"
Forgive his erring brother.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Not so Bad.

The trees are all leaving. All ! then
suppose that they take their trunks along
with them. Wonder if their board bills
are settled a? Their board was taken out
Of their trunks; | saw EN- take it. Jack
says trees sometimes hollow, and | know
they all bark. That suppose accounts
for their being such stump crs Yes !
know branch of the tree family that are
great blosoers5 I.sanfpaA9, Wy are Of the
hurry cane species. Speaking Of hurry.
| know one that has been on the RIM
the ten years. They area very polite
class, at least, and always have DOUGH
for everybody. On the contrary, think
they are very porkish, they are such
great rooters. They must he good book
keeps, they do SO much business at post
ing, and are always very querulous, or
they wouldn't rail so much. I've heard
say they were excellent for stakes, and
that there's nothing better for chops; be
sides, their hue is beautiful at all events
I'm told that trees will stand to be bored
amazingly; they must be sappy set to
be gouged as I've seen 'em. You know
that one on the hill? Well, that came
up and then went down again. | AGED it..
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Lines for am Albusr2l.

s@-g- The following lines are from the pen of the
late VIM. RoDERIsk Lawrence. of Hartford, Conn.
Mr. L. was formerly contributor to the columns
of the Monmouth Weekly Herald and at the
time of his death had acquired an enviabe reputa-
tion both as poet and painter. We do not offer
these lines as specimen of his ability but as APP
propriate this tine of Holiday Gift bestowing
and also, as coming from one with whose writings
many of our readers familiar
Upon these spotless leavesl
Let much-,oved friends ;nscribe their wishes kind
While round thy brow the roses are entwined
Which youth and beauty weaves.
But Time win fold his wings
Der all we lone, and all we highly prize;
The fsireSt forms will fade before our eyes,
A veil DER all he flings
But keep thy heart-leaves fair,
And ever young be happy eer as now,
Till Heaven own light enwraps thy gentle brow
To beam forever there.
These tablets will stand forth
Bright pages wherein love will shine supreme;
The fairest pledges of thy hearts young dream
Long treasured for their worth.
When years have sped away,
And those you priced are laid beneath the mould,
Their feeble traceries within these leaves of gold
Will cheer Life's closing day
When calling up to mind
Friends of thy youth who made the voyage of Life
With clouds, and storms, and troubles ever rife,
Long since left far behind
Kindly remember one,
Who breathed these wishes for thee when thy
years
Were young and joyous, free from cares and fears
His earthly journey run.
Long may Life bloom for thee
Sweet be thy journey through fair wales of green,
Whose crystal waters speed them OH Unseen
To Heaven'e exhaustless sea
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Death Of Eldridga T. Paico.

The recent death of Eldridge F. Paige,
formerly brilliant writer for the New
York Press, and the author Of the " Pat
ent Sermons by Dow, Jr.," was under
the most miserable circumstances imagi-
nable. When police officer, hearing
that a man was dying in his poverty
stricken quarters arrived in the room, he
found scene too indecent for descrip-
ton. A prostitute had just closed his
eyes and mouth for the last time. The
bed was innocent of linen of any kind,
and was saturated with water The floor
was indiscribably filthy, and the walls
damp with moisture and filled with fungi.
On the table stood two tin plates that
had probably been used for some time,
and never cleaned from the moment they
were first soiled these contained the
remnants of his last supper. In corner
of the room was a small key of picked
behring's, the maggots in which we're far
more numerous than the fish, and almost
rivalled them in size. On a small table
near the bed, were two bottles contain
ing liquor-the curse of his latter life,
and undouhted cause of his death. His
feet were resting on the foot board of his
loathsome cot, and no portion of his
clothing has been removed, except his
hat
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Sunerstition in Abvssinia.

Mr.. Pearce in his Residence in Abys-
sinia," says =
" I cannot help adverting'to practice
which is not unfrequent but which might
appear fabulous to any one who had not
witnessed it. When a woman has had
one two or more children, and they have
all died, she will, in hopes of saving the
life of another just born, cut off piece
from the tip of the left ear roll it up in
a piece Of bread, and swallow it; and
others will keep one side of the head
shaved until the child is grown up. For
some time | was at loss to conjecture
the reason why number of grown peo-
pie of my acquaintance had one ear cut;
and when told the truth II could scarcely
believe it until | went into the house of
a reighbor, though contrary to the Gus
tom, purposely to see the operation. An
old woman cut off the tip of the ear, and
put it into q kind Of victuals called
" sherro," when the mother of the infant
opened her mouth to receive it, and swal
lowed it, pronouecing the words, = In
the name of the Father, Son, and Holy
Ghost"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Curing Beef.

By most of the modes, now in use the
beef becomes te5 escss-40e gnatel With
salt, and is not. as consequence, so fine
for eating. BY the following process
this difficulty is prevented. and the beef
will keep till the following summer -
To eight gallons Of water add two
pounds Of brown sugar, one quart Of mo.
lasses, tonr ounces Of saltpetre, and fine
salt till it will float an egg. This is
enough for two common quarters Of beef.
1t has been repeatedly tried, and found
very fine. A famous beef eater says it
is the only good way.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Lest! Test!

Ho! the bright bird that sang to me
All the year round so sweet song,
Adding grace to the summer.Iee,
And making the winter appear less long.
Twas not the linnet; it was not the wren;
Twas not the robin say, what vas it, then =?
All! whatever it was, or whate'er its lay,
That sweet little bird hath flown away!
Twas not a stranger bird, that flies
Seeking the summer over the sea,
Blithely he livd meath our northern skies,
And sang the year through so cheerily.
Voice of eachantment-oh why did it fly
You cannot tell any more than l;
But, whatever its name, OF whatever its lay,
That sweet little bird hath flown away.
Where is the lost enc Oh! could
But learn the way and find the wing,
After my own sweet bird Id fly,
And welcome the hour I could hear it sing
Twas not the linnet; it was not the wren
Twas not the robin; say, what was it then?
All where is the fold one who hears lie sing
That never hath wept DER some Aeeting thing
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05

gG~ If the poorhouse has any terror
for you, never buy what you don't need.
Before you pay three cents for jews
harp, see if you can't make just as pleas
ant noise by whistling, fur such nature
furnishes the machinery. And before
YOU pay 8eveG dollars for figured vest,
Young man find out whether your lady
love would not be just as glad to see you
in plain one that cost half the money
if she wouldn't, let her crack her own
walnutS and buy her own clothes.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05

The PROFIT OF TURKEYs.-Edmund
Purdy. of Ellisburg, N. Y. gives the fol
lowing as the result of raising turkeys
Il purchased and wintered six turk
eys five of them hens. They common.
ced laying on the goth day of March, and
laid 228 eggs, which all Matched but
the month Of June was cold and wet, and
| lost many ; however, have raised lis
young turkeys, most Of them grown up.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05
Home Music.

'Tis sweet at early morn,
When balmy breezes play,
Tossing the pearly dew
From sparkling leafy spray,
Sweet strains to hear
From voices dear,
To usher in the day.
At noon tide hour It's sweet,
When weighty cares surround,
Stunning the busy world,
TO hear the happy sound
Of those We love
Who gently move
The chords where peace is found.
Not less at even-tide,
III sylvan shaded bower,
Where zephyrs gently watt
The perfume Of the flower,
Does peaceful love,
Ger dear ones rove,
Music the magic power.
So in our happy homes
Music hath charms for all,
In childhood or in youth.
Or when the gray hairs fall;
A holy calm,
A heavenly balm
Alike for great and small.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05

BENEDICTs ON LARK--How THEY
FOOLED THE WOMEN "-One day last
week party Of married gentlemen mum,
bering some sixteen persons, arranged to
have sleighride, supper, and good
time" generally. The supper was to be
at Waldron's, about five miles from Mount
Pleasant, Ohio, the parties being all res
idents Of the latter place. They man
aged, as they supposed, to keep their
wives ignorant Of their plans, but the
women were not as ignorant of their
movements as they had supposed. Ac-
cordingly, when the stag party" were
nearly ready, with keen appetites, sharp.
ened by the ride, to sit down to the stump.
tuous supper provided, the ladies who
had managed to arrive just in time, walk
ed in and seated themselves at the table,
utterly refusing to recognize their smart
husbands" and treating them as entire
strangers. In this way they appropria-
ted to themselves everything upon the
table. After supper the ladies, who had
brought music with them, danced for
awhile, and then returned home without
once speaking to their husbands, and
treating all advances on their part with
GOODNESS.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05

ns9- A singular phenomenon occurred
in the towns Victor, Bloomfield, and
Mendon, during late snow Storm
Spherical balls Of snow, from six to eigh
teen inches in diameter, and every one
perforated Observation-Disclosures largest
having holes sufficiently, large to enable
a man to insert his arm-were seen roll
ing in the snow. Is is presumed that
they were formed by the wind.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05

ng- A well primod lover of the bottle
who had lost his way, reeled into tee
fetal grocery, and hiccupped.
Mir do you keep-any thing
good to take-hege?'
" Yes, replied the temperate shopkee.
per, we have excellent cold watet-the,
best thing you can take"
Yes, | know it, was the reply,
(" there is no-one-thing that's done So
much for nayigation-as that"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1860-01-05

AN ANSWERING Rev. DIR. Mason, of
New York, passing up Broadway, stop.
ped to read theatrical placard which
attracted his attention. Cooper, the
tragedian, coming along said to him.
" Good morning, sr-do ministers of
the gospel read such things ?"
Why not, sir" said the doctor:
" ministers of the gospel have a right to
know what the devil is about as well as
other folks"