Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-08-10
g. 3 IL. - = ~ - 49,
[For the Journal.]
The Presidents Cough.
2 lpY LOUIS oaAnAx. =, D.

Then Douglas said, " You should not look
So sad on Death's great reaping-hook
The doings Of go wise sage
Will live, and Pow on Historys page
And tell to tho succeeding ages,
How by successive upward stages
Upon the Democratic planks,
With many curses and few thanks,
You passed to Heaven through fiery trials
OF loss of friends, and such denials."
In spite Of sympathy so clever,
In spite Of oil his great endeavor,
Buohanan's cough seemed worse than ever.
!" Douglas, I say. my coughs prodigious;
Ny syrup's sickening and vicious;
As Pm democrat religious, .2
must dismiss old Doctor Wise,
Or else l shall, to your surprise,
Unto my honored grave 60 down,
Like his best patient, old John Brown"
His cough, spasmodic, stern, and savage,
Here made him speeches. in its ravage.
Recovering breath with nervous fidgit,
He called upon his servant Bridget,
To bring glass Of old rye Whisky,
That in pas times had made him risky.
She thus the President accosted,
''Plazc, sir, the Whisky's all exhausted"
Buchanan seemed in awful fuster,
Like that astonished f'libuster,
When Costa Rican powder sent
n,lI kkpnv1 sh 80 Aao Of AIT
Then Douglas, knowing where to borrow
Good comfort in this grievous sorrow,
Said, " There are syrups for your cough,
That sure as death might take you off,
Will save your hi ghnoss from the devil,
And raise you to q healthy level"
Replied the chief. {" l have purse
Exhaustless as the universe.''
Continued then the lit lie giant,
Half sympathising, half defiant,
There's Doctor Lincoln, Doctor Seward,
Whose syrups have their tho Us ands cured
There's Greeley's pills, and Beecher's braces,
Have saved the very WORT Of oases."
Then said Buchanan with hem,
rIcurse them all I've heard Of them.
Who is this Lincoln Democrat?
With words Is soft as mutton-fat
In meetings Of the union-savers,
Or odorous Of other favors?
Is he to me loyal servant,
Of truest friendship, fast and ferventl
rbok 80 Iroalay2 10 hn
Dear Douglas, rnto me and your
Did you not name to me one Bee cher.
OF "higher law" kind of preacher
That he serves God with more devotion
Than he docs me, have notion"
Then Douglas spake, but with deep signing
Relieved his spirit, ere replying.
These great physicians are d.mented =
Fanatics all, who nc 'er repented -
Against Democracy are osabbe1,
On niggers run completely rabid."
When these dire words the giant levslled,
Buchanan looked in spirit de,illed.
His eyes flashed fire, lis face grew red
He struck his cane on Douglas head
Hold hold said Doug,as; "you shall know
That anger is cur greatest foe.
Just think what B.laam's ass with.tood,
That spake in Hebrew for his good.
Forny political dementia,
I sought out Evsrett's Nspenthe,
Which the dissector, Doctor Potter,
Declared was nought but milk and water -
n n coVnmop
Occasioned headache diabolic;
My case defed the diagnosis
OF the old doctors AND their doses,
Till Lincoln solved the great enigma,
Twas Enccphalio Borborygmi
Then Horace Greeley's pills tried.
I'm rs you Sea, in health and pride,
Hos great as Hercules in fable,
Who worked in tho Augetn stable.
l have great faith in Bsecher's brace,
To meet the wants of such case;
And Forney's Extract is heroic,
Good for ch ristian or for stole.
In Jour lamentsbls condition,
Abe Lincoln is the best Physician;
No man excels him in the nation,
ror nlgntSweass and expecteration."
Replied Buchanan, "pecpls say though,
He bleeds his patients like SangrA do IL
Then Douglas answered, 'your grey hairs
With your sad cough, and state affairs.
Will 60 down to tho grave in sorrow;
Perhaps you die before tomorrow
greatly fear that your condition
Is past o skill of q phys sian."
Ttsn said buchanan, Sin this tt ial,
summon all nay self-denial.
Send through the States, in all their borders.
With quickest speed Of lightning, orders
Fer these new doctors, send the quick,
10 ease the agonizing prick
l feel of Deaths great reaping. hook
Despair was pictured in his look,
l have. purse for all these vipers,
For Uncle Sam will ''pay the pipers."
LINCOLN AND LIBERTY.