The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-12-12
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
- Better wear out shoes than sheets.

= A man with music in his soul-A
chap with pair of squeaking boots.
= Why is tooth drawn like thing
forgot! 1t is out of the head.
= It is asked what kind of pencil
Britannia used when she ruled the waves.
= Some people admire lightning, but
we were never struck by it.
= One old woman kissed COW; thou
sands of young ones kiss calves.
= Said q conceited young lady, "You
men are q covet-as set
: Receipt for making pantaloons last
Make n coat and vest first.
= Remember that n tremendous tho't
may be packed into small compass.
"A good way to light some cities
with gas would be to set fire TO their or
ators.
- Life's contradictions are many
Salt water gives us fresh fish, and hot
words produce GOODNESS.
- When have married people passed
through the alphabet of love? When
they reach the babe.
- An old bachelor is traveller on
life's railroad, who has failed TO make
proper connections.
= The old fogy who poked his head
from behind the times, had it knocked
soundly by passing event.
= The man who minds his own bust
ness was in town the other day, but lie
left Immediately, he felt so lonely.
= If the bills before Congress are not
counterfeit, why should there be so much
difficulty in passing them9
= One of our exchanges has a para
graph headed " Mew Publications." He
should publish catalogue of them.
=" What did you give for that horse
neighbour
any note"
"Well, that was cheap"
= A negro being caught stealing from
a henroost, excused himself by saying,
:" Dat he only came dar to see if de chick
ems sleep wild deir eyes open."
= There is something iuexprcssibly
sweet about little girls.-Ex.
And it grows on 'em as they grow big
ger.
- Tho census-taker in New Milford,
Conn, found three old maids, each two
years younger than they were ten years
ago.
- An Irishman tells of fight in
which there was but one whole nose left
in the crowd "and that belonged to tay-
kettle"
= Pat O'Flaherty said his wife was
very ungrateful, for when l married her
she hadn't rag on her, and now she's
covered with 'em.
= A young lady who was perfectly
thunderstruck on hearing of her friends
engagement, has since been provided with
a lightning-rod.
-" Wake up and pay for your lodg-
ings," said the deacon, as he nudged a
sleepy stranger with the contribution box
last Sunday.
= Mrs. Partington, hearing that n
young man ha9 set up for himself, said /:
+" Poor fellow, has he no friend that will
set up with him part of the time."
= An editor says: "On our outside
will be found some fine suggestion for
raising peaches" We suppose that on
his inside may be found the peaches them
selves.
- An Albany barber having an in
temperate man to shave on Sunday, beg
ged him to keep his mouth shut rs it was
a public offence to open "rum hole" on
the Sabbath"
- The following touching stanza, sign
ed A Scything Onc," is copied from a
young lady's album:
"Fair made, when 1 b hold urc faso,
q gaizc in two urc azhur ize,
my love rs warmed in 2 blaizc,
4 thauts within my bozum rizo
2 big for mi week tung utter,
which lcoves mi hart awl in lutter."
= A swell clerk from the city of New
York, who was spending an evening in a
country tavern, cast about him for some
amusement. Feeling secure in having
the most money, he made the following
offer:
Il will drop money into hat with
any man in the room. The one who
holds out the longest takes the whole and