The Placer herald., 1860-04-21

those which first woke the world up to a
realising sense of the Yankee clockmakers
merits in that peculiar style which mingIes
drollery with shrewd observation, and phi
losophy with fun. Here are two or three
sharp hits:
A Crooked Stick.
My sister Urania was as SPLENDID critter
as you ever see, at eighteen or twenty, rael
corn fed, hearty looking gal. Well, she was
uncommon dainty, and plaguy hard to please,
and she flirted here, and Tilted there, until
she kinder overstood her mark A rose
don't last forever, that's fact. 1t is lovely
when in the bud, or expandin', or in bloom,
or even tull-blown; but there is time for
perfection and decay, but can't be postpon
ed, no how you can fix it; the color will fade
or wash out in the summer showers, and then
it droops with the weight of its own beauty,
and the wind will deprive it from time to
time, of leaf, till its size and proportion is
dwindled to mere anatomy. If not plucked
at the right time it's never gathered at all.
There it hangs pinn' on the parent stock,
while younger, and fresher. and more attrac-
tive ones are chosen hv tel ers to put into
their buzzums in preference to it, that in its
day was far sweeler and loveIier than any of
them. That was just the case with Rainy"
she woke up one fine morning after the mar
rage OF her youngest niece and found she
was an old maid, and no mistake. Her
vanity and her glass had been decevng her
for ever so long, without her knewing it,
and maxim her believe that some false curs
she wore looked so natural no soul could
.11 a. >, Al Il. Il a.
fetal color she gave to her cheek with a
came's hair brush, was more delicate and
more lovely than the glow of youth, and
that the dentist had improved mouth that
bad always been unrvaied
Well, to my mind, looking glasses are the
greatest enemies ladies have; they ought all
to be broken to everla>tin smash. |, isn't
that they are false, for they ain't they will
reflect the truth if they are allowed But |
unfortunately, truth never looks into them
When woman consuits her glass, she wish
es to be pleased, she wants to he fattered
and to lie put on good terms with herself, so
she treats it as she would her lover; she goes
up to it all smiles, looking as amable and
rs beautiful as she can. She assumes the
most winning air, she gazes at the image
with all the affection she can call up; her
ewes beam with Intelligence and with love,
and her lips appear all woman could wish,
or a man covet. Well, in course the mirror
gives back that false face to its owner, as it |
receives it; it amt fair therefore, to blame
it for being unfaithtuI; but as ladies can't |
use il without cecevin' Of themselves, why |
total abstinence would he better. Now
people may deceive themselves if they have
a mind to, but they cant 90 on forever.
Time will tell tales Whatever year gal
is born in, she has contemporaries; when she
looks at them and sees that they are ageing,
or the worst for wear, she tries to recall the
days of her youth, and finds that they are
lost in the distance, and when she sees her
school fellows and plny-mates married and
parents themselves, all the glasses in the
world fail at last, to make her believe she
is still young.
Well, the marriage Of her niece startled
Urania, as shadow does skittish horse.
She left the deep waters where the big fish
sport themselves, and threw her line into
the shallow eddieS where the minnows are,
and she hooked little Tom Doolv, tommy
cod of fellow, that was only fit for a bait
for something bigger and better. 1t was
impossible to look at the critter without
laughing. Poor thing, it WAS hard work to
fetch her up to the scratch at last: it actilly
took three ministers and six bridesmaids to
marry her. She felt she had made losin'
voyage in life, but she was clear grit, it
didn't humble her one mite or mosse, it only
made her more scorny than ever, as if she
defed all the world, and despised all it could
say. could see a motion in her threat now
and then, as if she bit in her breath and
swallowed her pride down. She actilly held
her head so high, when the minister said to
Dooly, Salute your BRIDE" that the critter
looked up in despair, for he couldn't reach
her lips. Sais |, out of devi'try, 'Stand on
chair Tim" Lord! if you had seen her
eyes, how they flashed fire at me, it would
have astonished you, know. Age hadn't
quenched that, at any rate 10 prevent
folks from noticing how undersized he was,
she lust bent down forward and kissed him.
Thinks to myself, "old fellow, you have
had all the condescension you will ever get
out of her. She has stopped to marry you,
and then stopped for you to salute her, after
this, look out for squalls, for there is a tenn
pestical time atore you" And so 1t turned
out: he soon learned what it was to live in a
house where the hen crows "Rainy," says
to her one day when she had been givin'
him BLOWN up, and was sendin' him off
on some errand or another (for she treated
him, poor wretch, as if he had been the
cause of all her dsappointments, instead of
the plaster to heal them --"Rany," sas |,
IL always told you you carried too stiff an
upper lip and that yon womb yv nave to s take sbd
"Enh he amt the tallest and richest husband