Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1860-02-25

hAetAmHs
We set ourselves up, says the editor Of
the Burlinst ton Times, as considerably above
the average of skaters. Indeed, we think
we know how to skate, both usefully and
ornamentally. We fell, and made marks
on the Ice from which 1t would be easy to
take our measure for saddle several times,
during our probationary state,D bat came
to be skater at last. We think we are
several pumpkins in the art, and it would
astonsh Us to be brought even once into
such embarrassments as are related by the
foolish editor of the Milwaukee News. -
That editor should not have gtne upon II
ice till be had learned to skate. Heevidenty y
made big fool of himself, and tore his
pantaloous, and sat down on his handker-
chief all for nothing He thought. sitting
down as he did, with split paItaloons, that
ice was cold. Nothing is more likely { b.
Bot read what be says blight beneath
our windows from morn till midnight, We
see youngsters and oldsters twisting their
legs into all conceivable shapes, skating up
aud down the river, merry as lambs. We
cannot pick up paper, but what an arti-
Gle on Skating" meets our eye, Every
hody says its fun, and that's all everybody
knows about it, for We have tried il. Last
night, about gas light time, after reading
glowing description of life on skates, we
prepared for our first attempt, and sailed
forth to join the merry crowd. We had
on pair Of stoga boots, trousers legs tuck.
ed inside, robert tailed coat and white
hat. We went down on the ice and gave
q boy two shillings in good coin of the
realm, for the use of his implements We
have confidence, even as great es Peters
faith. We, with the assistance of friend,
fixed on the skates, and stood erect, like q
BARRIERS pole. Encouraged by the sight of
some ladies on the bridge looking at the
skaters, We struck out. A slant to the
right with the right foot--a slant to the
left with the left foot-and just then we
stopped to pick up something on the icel
On onr feet again---two slants to the right
and one to the left, accompanied with
loss of confidence. Another stride with
the right foot and We sat down with fear
rapidity, and very little if any elegance
What q set down it was, for we made
dent in the ice not unlike Connecticut
how'll Just then one of the ladies
remarked-"Oh, look, Mary, that felIer
with the hat amt got on bis skeets on the
right place I" Ditto, thought we. just
then ragged little devel sang out as be
glided past us" Hello, old timber legs 80
and we arose suddenly and put after him.
Three slides to the right, two to the left,
and away went our legs, one to the east,
and the other west, causing an immense
assure in our pants, and another picture OF
butter-tray in the cold-oh how cold
ice Then the lady--we knew she was
one by the remark she made-again spoke
and said-"0h, look, Mary, that chap with
q white hat has sat down on his handker.
chief to keep from taking cold | We arose
about as gracefully as a saw horse, when
Mary said-"guess tant handkerchief.
Jane" aud Mary was right 1t wasn't
handkerchief-not a bit of it Just then
friend came along and proffered us his
coat tail as "steadier." We accepted the
continuation of his garment, aud ND the
river we went about ten rods, when q shy
to the right by the leader, caused US, the
We wheel-horse, to scoot off on tangent,
heels up But the ice is very cold this
season
We tried it again A glide one way, q
glide aud half the other, when "whack"
came our bump of pailoprogenitivenes on
the ice, and we saw million of stars dane
ing around our eyes, like ballet girls at the
Bowery Theatre. How that shock went
through our system, and up and down our
spinal column. Lightning couldn't have
cork-screwed it down @ creased sapiing,,
with greater speed nor more exhilerating
effect Boarding butter nor warran-
ty deed could have stuck stronger than We
did, and a dozen ladies looking at us--And
our "6ssured pants"
"Hello, old cock" sang out that ragged
imp again and we there helpless. Soon we
got mp and made another trial with better
success. Perhaps we had skated, 10 our
peculiar style, fifteen feet, when blnnder-.
ing chap came up behind, and we sat down,
with our tired head pilIowed in his lap
and he swearing at as, when II was ell his
fault. How Cold the ice was there, tool
Every spot where we made our debut Oh
The ice---oh bow cold 10 was Our bear
skin drawers. we're no protection at all -
We tried again, for the papers ali say it's
fun, and down came our Roman-grecian, ON
the cold julp material end the little drops
OF crimson ran down our shirt bosom, and
on the cold ice Once more we tried skat-
ing---made for the shore--sat down aud
counted damages. Two shilhngs In cash,
thrown away. Seven Lateral and ono from
terAI bumps on ice. One immense 6sspFe,
in as handsome a pair Of ten dollar CASSIE
meres as man ever put his legs ia One
rapture in the knee, extending 10 The bone
Four buttons or from our vest, freg.
mented watch crystal. aud a back ache
big enough to divide amoog the children o.
Israel. If you catch us on smooth, glossy
chilly, freezing, treaehefous, deceitfnl slips
perry. and sliRuppery ice again. you'll know
Il. II any one ever hears Of our skating
again they will please draw On us at sight
for the bivalves aud accompanying docn-
ments. We have got through skaiing t,s