The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1860-07-06
Yittle-or- r-Aothia9s.


man to wipe on" Landlord, with look of
amazement, replied you're mighty
particular. Sixty or seventy of my boarders
have wiped on that towel this morning, and
you are the first one to find fault"
Cutfy said he'd rather die in railroad
smash-up than steamboat burst-up, for this
reason, IF you gifts off and smashed up, Car
you is; but if you gifts blowed up on the
boat, whar is you 81
"Warm day, Jones, warm day." said
Smith, as they met lately. "Yes, is is" said
Jones, sit is some warm if not SUMNER"
When we inquired of our friend few
days since what business he now followed, he
replied, "Dentistry- insertion of teeth in
roast beef and bread and butter
A printers apprentice says that at the Of
fee they charge him with all the pi they do
find, and at the house they charge him with
all they don't find. He does not understand
that kind Of logic.
"Porter," asked an old lady of an Irish
railway porter, when does the nine O'Clock
train start :?'-"Sxty minutes past eight
mum, was Mikes reply.
Mister, say, l don't suppose you don,
know of nobody what don't want to hire no
body to do nothing, don't you?' The an.
swer was, "Ies, don't"
If, in instructing child, you are vexet
with it for want of adroitness, try, if yo,
never have before, to write with YOUR lef
hand, and remember that child is all lief
hand.
WAITER (bawling to the cook, ,)-"On
roast lamb and one potato OLD GENTLE
MAN-"No, no. Not SO much lamb, ant
more potatoes"
a gentleman in a Western steamboat, ask
ed the man who came to collect the passage
money if there was any danger of bein,
blown up, as the steam made such a horri'
noise. Not the least said the sharp col
n lector, sunless you refuse to pay your fare"
SHARP AS A NEEDLE.-The following Jo
mot was started out West A busy house
= wife was sitting in a doorway, plying he
needle. Her husband lounging on the raj
his foot slipped, and he bruised his knee o
t. the door-stone. "Oh!" said he groanin!
ii have broken the bone, am sure. .-"Wel
then," said she, holding up her needle wit
:, its eye broken out, "you and | have don
very nearly the same thing .'-"How so ~
- "Why, don't you sce," said she, 81 have br(
ken the eye Of the needle, man, and you ha,
broken the knee ot'the idle man."
AN UNFORTUNATE HLUSTRATION.-Profe
sor G., of Bowdoin College, was noted f,
: having a certain set of illustrations frol
which he could not we'll deviate without rul
ming the risk of blunder. In illustratiIl
the powerful effects of prussic acid, he W;
wont to inform the class that drop place
on dogs tongue was sufficient to kill hin
On one occasion the class filed into the rec
NJ tation room, and the professor commence
- the exercise. "Mr Smith, he said, addres
ing a young man whose chance of gainir
the valedictory was very slender, "what ca
you say Of prussic acid ? Is it powerful,
m otheruiSe 2'-"It is rather nowerfu1" Sa
the student, obviously. y.-"Rather powerful
said the professor, Indignantly. "Pt drt
W on your tongue, and it would kill dog ~
T. The shout Of laughter which followed, al
ms Smiths confusion, revealed to the profess
- that his illustration had served double pu
pose.