Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1860-11-21
w. ID. WALLACE.
ARrEmUs WARD VISITS BRIGHAM
YOUNG.

VI
red men of the forest, IN B. This is rote Sar.
casticul. Injins is Pizin, whar ever found,)
which thay Sed was their Brother, Il wantid
for to smoke the Calomel IArtemus means Ca
1umetl Of Peace with me. Thay then stole my
jerkt beef, blsnkits, etsettery, skalpt my Or
gan grinder Il ScOoted with Wild Hoop.
Durin the Cheats techin speech he sed be
shood meet me in the Happy Huntin Grounds.
If he duI thare will be fte. But enuf Of
this ere. Reven Moose Muttons, as our skool-
master, who has got Talent into him, cussy-
cally observes
Iarrovs at Salt Lake in doc time At Camp
Scott thare was q lot OF u. 5. sojers, hossten-
sibly sent out thsre to smash themermons but
really TO eat salt vittles & play poker Il other
beautiful but sumwhat onsartin games. / got
acquainted with sum Of the officers Thay
lookt putty scrumpshus in their Bloc coats with
brass buttings unto um ware very talented
drinkers, but 50 fur as ftin is consarned Ide
willinly put my wax fggers agin the hull party.
My desire was to exhibit my CRATE show in
Salt Lake City, 50 / called on Brigham Yung.
the crate mogull amung the mormins, and
axed his permishun to pitch my tent and on
furl my banner to the jentle breezis. He
lockt at me in a austeer manner for few min.
its sed-
do You bleeve in Solomon, ST. Paul, the
immaculateness Of the Mormin Church and the
Latter-day Bevelashuns
Sez 1, lime on it :" 1 make it pint to
git along plesunt, tho / didn't know what
under the Son the old Teller was drivin at. He
sed mite show. ........
90 You air a marrid man Mister Yung. I
bleeye!" ser l, preparin to rite him sum free
parsis> - ;"
Very much says he; CT hey eighty
wives, Mister Ward. I sertinly am married. f"
How 10 you like it as far as you hev got?"
sed /.
He sed " middlin," and axed me wouldn't
like to see his famerly, to which I replied
that / wouldn't mind minglin with the fair
Sock Baskin in the winnin smiles of his
interestin wives. He accordinly TUX me to his
Hair-um. The house is powerful big in a
excsedin large room was his wives children,
which larst was squawkin d hollerin enuff to
take the roof rite Orf the house. The wimin
was Of all sizes ages. Sum was pretty sum
was plane-sum was helthy sum rus on the
Wayne-which is verses, tho sich was not nv
inienshuns, as ! don't prove Of putin verses
in Proze ritins, tho eff occashun requires can
Jeak Poim ekal to any Of them Atlantic
Munthly fellers.
GO My wives, Mister Ward, =" said Yunp,
"Your sarvant, msrms, sed /, rs sot down
In cheer which red-headed female brawt
me
IS Besides these wives you see here, Mister
Ward" sed Yung, " hey eighty more in va
RS parts OF this conscrecated land which air
Sealed 10 me-" p.
all round
Sealed, Sir, sealed d.
WHARF bowts?' sezI l.
" I ssd, Sir, that they was sealed :" He
spoke in traggercy voice.
Will thsy probly eontiune On in that stile
to any crate extent, Sir?' I axed.
g Sir, sed he, turnin as red as a billed beet.
80 don't you know that the rules Of our Church
Is that /, the Profit, may hey as meny wives as
wants ,"
"Jes So" 1 sei "YOu air old pie, ain
YOU"
Them as is Sealed to me-that is to saw to
be mine when wants um-air at present my
sperretOOul wives" sed Mister Yung.
Z" Long may they wave.' sez 1, seein / shood
git into a scrape eff dident look ont.
In a privit cOnversashun with Brigham
lernt the follerin fax: 1t takes him six weeks
TO kiss his wives. He don't do it only onct a
yere ser il is wass nor cleann house He
don't pretend TO know his children, there is 30
many Of um, tho they all know him He sez
about every child he meats calls him Par, Il
he takes it for grsntid ii is so. His wives air
very expensiy. Thay allars want suthin eff
he don't Civ it to um they set the house in q up-
roar. He sez he don't hey a minits peace His
wives fte smung themselves so much that be
has bilt ftin room for thare speshul benefit 4
when too Of um git into row he has um turned
loose into that place, where the dispoot is set
tied accordin to the rules of the London prize
ally. Thay hev pulld the most of hir hair out
At the roots he wares meny a horrible scar
upon his body, inflicted with mop handles.
broomsticks sich. 0ccashunly they git mad
d seald him with bilin hot water. When he
got eny waze cranky thsyd shut him up in a
dark elOsit, previsly spanking him arter the
stile of muthers when thare Ohsprings git on
ruly. Sumtimes when he went in swimmin
thayd 60 to the banks Of the Lake steal all
his close, thereby compelling him to sneek
home by a sircOotius rowt, drest in the skan-
derlus stile Of the Greek Slaiv. at find that
the keers of a marrid life way hevy onto me"
n ssd the Profit, ID sumtimes wish Ide re-
named siBgel." 1 left the Profit and started
for the tavern WHARF put up to- On my way
was overtuk by large krowd of Mormins,
which thay surrounded me statid that thay
was goin into the Show free
"Wall," sez /, "ef find q individooal who
is goin rOun lettin folks into his show free, lie
let you know"
"We've had q Revelashun biddin us 20 into
Awards Show without payin nothin!n thay
shoutid.
eyes, hollerd lot of female Mormonesses,
seazin me By the cote tales 4 swingin me round
very rapid, were all gOin in free! So ser the
What's Old Revelashun got TO do with my
show" ser /, gittin putty riley. "Tell Mister
Reyelashun," sed /, drawin myself ND 10 nv
full hite and lookin round upon the ornery
krowd with proud d defiant mean, ''tell Mis-
ter Revelashun to mind his own bizness, sub
jock only to the Konstitution of the Unitid
Il; ;staitsl" III -...F -r
IS sob, now, let rs in. that's sweet man."
sed several females, putin thare arms rownd
me in luvin stile- Becum Of US Becum
preest, Il hey wives Sealed to you"
Nor Seal "'sez I, startin back in horror
at the idee. ...
"Oh stay, sir, stay, sed a tall, CANT female
ore whOos he'd 81 summirs must have parsd,
stay, Il lie be your Jentle GsEelle."
Not ef know il yu won't, ser I, "Awa
yu skanderlus female, ava, GO & be Nun
merry" That's what sed, jes 50.
"a j" sed . fat chunky female. who must
hev wade more than too hundred lbs, II will
be your sweet gidin Star"
Ser L, "Ile bet two dollers and q half you
won'tt" Whsre ear may Rome lie still be
troo 2 thee, Oh, Betsy Jane, IN. B Betsy
Jane is my wife's Sir naime -..
.'Wiltist thou not tsrry hesr In the Promist
Land" sed several Of the miserable critters.
% lie see you all essentially cussed be I
Whilst 20 rOared I, as mad as Good be at thare
infernul nOncents. i girded on nv Lions A