The Ottawa free trader., 1860-10-13
VOL. XXl---NO. s

! York, three hours and a half 20 aLc,se on,
man without ever proving one poin
a against his doctrines to which, let me tel
+ you, do not t"Hiy, in all their d,tdiis, sub
r scribe, but La plain, humble, uneducated
4 man Originally rnethanic--a cabinet
maker) propose to demolsh the Who'll.
structure Of the Republican party in tif
teen minutes, provided YOU will answer all
the questions shall put to you, fairly and
: squarcly.
} hope you will receive this communities.
ton IN the sanre kind spirit II, which it is
+, rendered rou, end have the honor to sutr
Ecribe myself,
; Yours respectfully,
SAMUEL STERN.
Artemus Ward Sees the Prince Of wales.
I At larst I've had intervu with the
Prince, tho it cum purity mere costin' me
my valcrahle life cawt . glimpse Nv
him as lac sot on the Pizaro of the hotet
IN Sarnia, and elbode my way through a
crowd OF women, children, sogers and H.
IJuns that was hangin' round the tavern.
was drawin mere to the Prince when a
] red faced man IN Millingtary close GRABBED
holt OF me an axed me- wheue was eo;nG
all SO bolt
To see albert Edard, Prince Of Wales"
sez who be you?'
He sed he was kurnal of the Seventy.
Fu,t Regiment. Her Majesty's troops. +
tolled him hoped TIE Seventy -Onesters
were III good health, and was passin' by
whcr he ceased holt of me agin, and said
in tone of indignant cirprice;
Al hat lnpossihle, 1t cannot be
Blast ray ni,e, sir, did | thunderstorm you
10 say yo" was actooally coin' into the pre-
sents of his Royal IhessT'
That's what the matter with me-"
replied
Bat tlarst my hise. sir. its hunprece-
dented. Its horful, sir Nothing like is
haint aIrcmed sins the Gun Powder Plot
of Guy Forks. IIowdashus man, who are
you?'
Sir, sez. :, drawin' myself up and put
TIN Oh dr.@rnt air a. I'm 4 American
sitturzim. Ny name i. Ward I'm hus-
band, an the father of twins, which am
happy TO state they like me-Bv prcfesh-
IN lme a exhibeter CT wax works AND
sich.
Good God = Yelled tire kurnal. "the
hloea oi q heHIbitcr of wax fIggers going
into the presents OF Royalty The British
Lyon may well roar with rage at the
thawt H-r
Sez !, "speakiu' Of the British Lion,
kurnal II like to make a bargain with
you fur that beast for few weeks tn add
to my show didn't mean nothing by
this was only g-ttn OFF a goak. but
you or;er hev seen the old kuri.al iump
up and howl. He aotooally foamed at the
nIowth
This can't lie real he showtect -" No,
no, it, orrii dream. Sir, YOU air no. a
urlam bcing-you hev lao existens-yure
a myth
Wall, seq !, old boss, vule find me
ruther oukomtoi table myth ef yon punch
my imar,i> III that way asin." J began to
feel :. ht.!e rf!.d ior when he called me
myth he pun Int me purity hard The
hurnal now cOnlmenst showtin fur the
Seventy Clusters. nj fuSt thawt Ide stav
and becum a marter to British Outraie. as
SIch course might get my name ND and
be good advertisement fur mT show, but
II occurred 10 me that eff any Nv the Sew
enty Onesters should happen tn insert q
barronet into my stummick, it might be
unpleasant, and was on the pint of run
min orr, when the Prince hisself cum up
an axed me what the matter was. Sez !,
Albert Fdard Is that youy d he snfilt j.
sed 1t was. Sez |, albert Edard, hears
my keerd. | cum tu pay my respecks tn
the tutur King of Ingland The Kurnal
Of the Seventy Onesters hear is ruther
smaw! pertaters. but Nv course you amt to-
blame fur that. lie put on as many ares
tho he war the Bully Boy with tie
glass ere
Never mind" sez Albert Edard, line
glad tn see yu Mister Ward, at all events
i he took my hand SO pleasant like, a.
larted SO sweet that fell in love with him
at onct. He handed me segar & we sot
down on the Pizarro & commenst smokin'
rite cheerful
/ Wall sez !, Albert Edard, hows the
. old iolks?'
Her Majesty and the Prince are WE'LL"
| he sed
! "Duz the old man take his Larger Beer
regular IN inquired
! The Prince larfed and intimatid that
the old man didn't let many kegs Of that
beverage spile in the seller in the coarse
of we're. We sot and talked there soms
time abowt matters 4 things. a bimeby
axed how he liked bein' Prince as saf a.
heed got
! "To speak plain. Mister Ward he sed,
! Il don much like it. I'm sick of all this
bowin a scrapin a crawlin & hurrain over
! a boy like me. l would rather 20 threw
the country quietly and enjoy myself in
my own way, with the other boys, and not
to he made show of to be garped at by
Everybody. When the people cheer me-
feel pleased, fur | know they meen it,
! but if these one-hoss offishuls Good know
| how ! see threw all their moves Il under
stand exsckly what they are after, and
! knowed how larfed at EN- in private.
they'd stop kissin my hands & fawnin over
me as they NOW DO. Butyou know Mister
Ward | can't help ben a Prince. < teuse
! do all kin to fit myself for the persishun
must sometime ockepy'
That's troo, sez |, sickness and the
doctors will carry the Queen orr one these
dase. s,;re's your born"
The time heven arove fur me tu take
my departure | rose up and sed, Albert
Edard, | must go, but previs tn doin so
will obsarve that you SCOT me- Yare q
good feler Albert Edard, an tho Ime agifr
Princes as general thing, must say 1
like the Gu, OF yure Glib. When you got
to be king try and be as good a man IS
yure mother has bin. Be just & be :.n.r@
us, espeshully to showmen, who have
alters been aboozed sins the days OF Noah,
who was the first man to go into the mem
agery blzness. ct the daily papers of his
time are to be bleeved Noahs colleckshun
of liven wild beests beet enything ever
seen sins, though make bold to dowt II,
his snaiks was ahead of mine Albert
Edard, adoo," | TUX his hand which he
shuk warmly, & given him q perpetooal
free pars to my show, Il slso parses to take
home for the Queen j. old Albert, i put
on my hat and walkt away
Mrs. Ward" ! solilerquized. as wxlkt
along, Mrs. Ward, if you could see your
husband now, jest as he prowdly emerjis
from the presents of the futuF King Of
1nglann, you'd be sorry you called him
Beest just becauz he come home tired
night and wanted to go to bed without
taking orf his boots. You'd be sorry for