Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1860-01-14
Going Out West.


bridgeport, Mass, and reads ar i"llOws
(Which is the best llne for going oui
West, the spring or autumn
The best time for going ont West, is
when you have gOl the most money abont
you, and the least fear OF losing it, Ii
you come in the spring you are sure to
shake Yourself TO death with tile ague be-
fore fall. Ifyou come in the fall, you
may live ill spring, if you don't freeze TO
death before you get there. lfyou come
al all, you had better get your stomach
lined with waterproof cement so as 10
digest corn-bread, bacon and whiskey :;
for that is all we have to eat, except few
French hogs and bilious looking tad-poles,
which we catch when lhe rivers run
down.
ID. "What part OF the West is the
best TO emigrale 10, taking in consldera-
lion the i,sal..hiness Of the climate 3
A variety Of opinions a66aI that, my
dear fellow, Our Senator, Mr.. Dougtss;
says that Nebraska is best. So il is, IT
you want 10 60 into the stock business,
raising an unruly kind Of mixed colored
caule, that will stray off to Canada in
spite of The Compromise OF 1850 or 1856,
or Of Senator Douglas. If you want TO
speculate in papooses, whne scalPs, and
&c, your own seal p taken of scientifically,
90 10 Nebraska by all means. If you
can play poker for living, live on corn
bread and bacon week days and slippery
elm bark on Sunday, come 10 Illinois. II
you want 10 go where they have no Sun
days, nor nylhing TO eat only that they
brought from The East, go TO Iowa or if
you wan. to eat grass on all iours, or do
as other kind OF cattle do, go TO Salt Lake
If you want 10 60 where they receive the
mails annually, where they live on wild
cranberries crumbled in water from the
Mississippi river, where three wigwams
make city, and paper of pins and a
bar Of Yankee soap merchant, go TO
| Minnesota.
Sd. "Does the fever and ague prevail
much in Wisconsin -
Of course it does. Nobody out West
is fool enough to ask such question.
| Every body shakes even the trees shake;
you can't coax crab apple TO stay on
when il is good for anything it will
shake man out OF bed and kick him out
of doors.
4rh. "How does ,empiion hold
good 2"
That depends on circumstances. If
you have good rifle, and know how TO
use il, you have a chance in ten, 10 live
ill you starve to death. But if you cant
stand fire and are not a good shot and a
quick one, take my word for it, you had
better tarry in Jericho until your beard be
grown they are all too shy for you in
these woods.
5lh. SIS land TO be had in the North
part Of Ohio for ,25 per acre, and is it
good p
That's all fudge, got mp by spectators
to gull some greenhorn like you or me,
for, 10 the best of my knowledge and be-
lief, Ohio was worn out ten years ago.
The whole business of the railroads in
warm weather is to carry back folks who
have been West. All that the railroads
have been doing this winter is carrying
dirt out of Ohio into Michigan to raise
few beans and oats TO keep the folks from
starving to death next summer.
As to the land in the Northwest OF
Ohio, it is Is inches under wafer most Of
the year and will probably be worth ST.
25 per acre, when water snakes and cop
per heads bring as much per barrel in the
New York market as potatoes are worth
per busheI in Alton.
And lastly, he wants reliable inlorma
tion--s short article in your paper on the
subject-and he wants TO get healthy
location, decent land and fair water.
Exactly Why. my dear sir. there is
no such lhirg as reliable information out
West, unless you give him five hundred
dollars, and Ihen you can't believe half he
says.
A witness on tell the truth in court
unless you first scare him 10. death, and
make him swear he wUn'l lie, and then
he neither knows himself nor nobody else
knows whether he tells the truth or not.
As for fair water, we have none il is I
all bilious compound Of liquid, mud,
dead bufraloes. fish and rotten rattle
snakes.
Our common drink, when we can't gel
whisky, is one-lhird coffee, one third Prsi- (
mud, and the other third tobacco juice.
Upon the whole if yOu have good wa
Ter, and can gel enough TO cal. stay where
you are ?-UesfeTn Paper.
Mount FernOn The Ladies' Muuni
Vernon Association have paid to Mr.. Jnu.
a. Washington fI93, 1913 33 of The pur-
chase money Of the Mount Vernon home