Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1860-02-18
MISCELLANY.
"A KEERFUL SHEPHERD"

"A KEERFUL SHEPHERD"
Mormonism is still in practical operation
amongst us. On last Friday, tall, raw-boned
Saint, with a complexion very strongly resem-
bling that of boiled trpe, arrived here from
Pittsburg with couple of wives, but deeming
his flock too small to start Salt Lake-ward with,
held forth as follows to an admiring audience,
at a house over the Canal with a view to the
perfection of the material necessary to the COM
pletcness of his domestic felicity. His text
was -
"lNen is Skeerce and Weemen is Plenty"
"Brothern and Sistern-pertickler the Sis
tern: | want to say a few words to you about
Mormonism-not for my own sake, but for
your'n, for men is Skeerce and ~cemen IS pten-
IT,
"Mormonsm is built on that high old princi
pie which SEE that it amt good for man to be
alone, and mighty sight worse for a woman
Therefore, if man feels good with little COM
pany good deal of it ought to make him feel
an awful sight better.
"The first principle of Mormonism is, that
woman air good thing, and the second princi-
pie is that you can't have too much OF a good
thing. Woman is tenderer than man, and is
necessary to smooth down the roughness of his
character, and as man has a good many rough
pints in his natur, he oughtn't to give one wo-
man too much to do, but set each one to work
smoothn some particliler pint.
"Don't think I'm over anxious for you to jine
u.s. for l amt I'm not speakn for my good,
but for yourn; for men is skeerce and 'ceemen
is plenty.
II said woman was tenderer than man, but
YOU needn't feel stuck UP about it, for so she
ought to be; she was made so purpose. But
how was she made so Where did she git it
from? Why, she was created out of the side
bone of a man, and the side-bone of a man is
like the side-bone of turkey-the tenderest
part of him. Therefore as a woman has three
side-bones and a man only one, of course she is
three times as tender as a man is, and is in duty
bound to repay that tenderness of which she
robbed him. And how did she rob him of his
side bone? Why exactly as she robs his pock-
cts nowadays Of his loose change-she took
advantage of him when he was asleep.
"But as woman is more tenderer than man,
so is man more forgivener than woman, there
tore | won't say anything more about the side
bone, or the small change. but invite YOU all to
join my train, for I'm big shepherd out our
way, and fare sumptuously every day on purple
and fine linen.
"When i first landed on the shores of the
Great Salt Lake l wasn't rich in weemen, had
but one poor old voc, but men is skeerce ana
aceemen is plenty, and like a keertul shepherd
begin to increase my flock. Weemen heerd o.
us and our lovin ways, and they kept pourin in
They come from the North, and they come
from the South, they come from the East, and
they come from the West, they come from Eu-
rope, they come from Ashley, and few of them
come from Afrikey, and from bein the miserable
owner Of one old zoe, become the joyful shep.
herd of mighty flock, with right smart sprink.
lin of lambs, iriskier and fatter than anybod,
elses, and I've still got room for few more.
"As said before, I'm not talkin' pertcklel
for my benefit, but for yours-for men is sIeerc,
and ,ceemen is plenty. Still I'd leetle rather
you'd go along with me than not, pertickler yor
fat one with the caliker sun bunnet. Don't hes
itate, but take the chance while you can git it
and III make you the 'bell-yoe' of the flock
III lead you through green pastures and the
high grass; show you where you may caper il
the sunshine, and lay down in pleasant places
and as you are in pretty good condition already
in the course of time you shall b. the latest o
the flock. Jine in, jine in; jine my train; jim,
it now; for men is Skeerce and tceemen is plenty
The appeal was irresistible. At the last ac
count "the fat woman with the caliker sun bon
net had "jined in and two or three other
We're on the fence, with decided leaning towar,
the "Keerful Shepherd" Cincinnati Enquire,