The Buchanan County guardian. (Independence, Buchanan County, Iowa) 1858-1864, 1860-03-01
Skating.

News, has been skating. Here's his ex-
perience: s ri. mgr
Right beneath one Of our windows.
from morn till midnight, we see young
sters and oldsters twisting their legs into
all conceivable shapes. We cannot pick
up paper, but an article on skating
meets the eye. Everybody says its fun.
and that's all everybody knows about
it, for we have tried it. Last night,
about gas light time, after reading =
glowing description of life on skates. We
prepared for our first attempt. and sailed
forth to join the merry crowd. We ha
on pair Of stoga boots, trousers lsgs
tucked inside, Robert tailed coat and
white hat. We went down on the ice.
and gave boy two shillings in good
coin OF the realm, for the use of his i'm
plements. We have confidence. even IA
great as Peters faith. We, with the as
sistanee Of friend, fixed on the skates.
and stood erect like barber's pole.
Encouraged at the sight of some Ia
dies on the bridge looking at the skaters.
we struck out. A slant to the right with
the right foot-a slant to the left with the
left foot-and just then we saw some.
thing on the ice, and stopped over to
pick it up On our feet again-two
slants to the right and one to the left. ac-
companied with a loss of confidence.
Another stride with the right foot, and
we sat down with fearful rapidly. with
very little, if any, elegance! What =
set down 1t was, for we made dent in
the ice not unlike Connecticut butter
bowl just then one of the ladies re.
marked" Oh, look, Mary. that feller
with the white hat amt got his skeets on
the right place !" Ditto. thought We
just then ragged little devil sang outas
he passed MS Hellow, old timber
legs y and we rose suddenly and put at
ter him. Three slides to the right-two
to the left, and away went our legs-ons
To the east, and the other west, causing
an immense 6ssure in our pants, and an.
other picture of butter tray. in the COLI
oh. how cold ice Then the lady
we know she was one by the remark She
made-again spoke and said" Oh, look
Mary, that chap with the white hat has
satdown on his handkerchiefto to keep from
taking cold J" We rose about as grace.
tu lass as afaaiX afaaiXt RofTsa Tsaandkeffcsbis dksfsb Jane,
and Mary was rig ut, it wasn't a handker.
chief-not bit of it just then friend
came along, and profered us his coat
tail as a steadier." We accepted tho
continuation of his garment. and up tho
river we went about ten rods, when shy
TO the right by the leader caused us. the
wheel horse, to scoot off on a tangent,
heels up But the ice is very cold, this
season
We tried it again. A glide one
way-a glide and half the other, when
: aohack' came our bump of philoprogen-
itiveness on the ice. and we saw a million
of stars dancing around our eyes. like
ballet girls at the Bowery theatre. How
that shock went through oursystem, and
up and down our spinal column Light.
ming couldn't have corkscrewed il down
a creased sapling with greater speed and
mole exhilarating effect. Boarding house
butter, nor a warranty deed, could no.
have stuck stronger than We did-and a
dozen ladies looking at us-and our tis.
sured' pants !!
Hello, old cock. sang out that rag
ged imp again, and we were helpless =
Soon we got up and made another trial.
and made another trial, with better sue
cess. Perhaps we had skated, in our pc,
culiar style, fifteen feet, when blunder-
ing chap came up behind. and we, 81,
down with our tired head pillowed in his
lap-and he swearing at US, when II was
all his own fault How cold the ice was
there. tool Every spot where we made
our debut on the ice-oh ! how cold il
was Our dear skin drawers were no
protection at all We tried again, for
the papers all say it's fun, and down came
our Roman Grecian nose, on the cold in
lep material. and the little drops of Grim
son ran down our shirt bosom on the cold
ice. Once more We tried skating-mado
for the shore-sat down and coun.ed
damages. h3 -
+" Two shillings in cash thrown away.
Seven lateral and one fronterap bumps
on the ice. One immense fissure in as
handsome pair Of ten dollar cassimeres
as man ever puts his legs in. One rup.
ture in the knee, extending to the bone
Four buttons from our vest, a fragment
ed watch crystal. and back ache big
enough to divide among the children Of
Israel If you catch US on the smooth.
glossy. chilly, freezing. treacherous, de.
ceitful, slippery. and shp-uppery ice
again, you'll know it II any one ever
hears OF our skating again. they will please
draw on us at sight for the bivalves and
accompanying documents. We have got
through skating. It's humbug lis
yexation of spirit. of business. of flesh.
and tearer of trowsers! It's head bump
ing. back-aching. eg.wearing. danger
Gus institution. and We warn peopls
against skating We tried it. and shsn't
be able 70 walk for month Skating
clubs are a humbug. aud oil the rsscal!y
youngstsr wish to got the ladise sl il. that
they may see--if they. too. .don'i ssy.
: tae ics n ayeo9t2 cold ? lie no,hing
to US. but the ladies will do we'll 20 lat
skates slcne. unless .hey are younger
aud more elastic than WE are. Oh how
i Il