The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1860-10-24
Nirbmunh qispattb.
Smellfungus Kedevivus.

thi. country. Itwas to guage the depth Of
oar spit-boxes, to deplore the absence Of silver
forks, to deprecate the scarcity of p-baths, to
denounce a nation which boited its food, to
dilate upon the depiorable want Of taste, which
preven ted man In America from converting
his belly into god, and inside him think
there were other pursuits worthy of his atteE-
tlon besides stufing himself like beast. 1t
was of small moment that we had advanced
in forty. five years, from nation of three to a
nation of fifteen millons-that our commerce
was the largest In the world, with a single
exception--that We had, in innumerable IN
stances built large cities in spots which, twenty
years before, had been visited only by wild
beasts aud sayages-that we had, In WORD
presented 10 the world an example OF energy,
enterprise. and wisdom, which was unparai-
leled in lis history. What did "SmeiifnnSus
care for all that lie came here TO let the
world know that he could get nowhere 10
battle his hips, that he could not gofmahaize
In the country 10 his satisfaction taat there
we're whole communities absolutely living
without silver forks, that Americans chewed
tobacco. and spat amber. We had supp osed
that this race of travellers, valuable as il was
yeas extinct but we were mistaken. "Smell-
1angus" never dies. Like JOHN BARLEYCoRN,
though he fall, and the clods be put upon his
head, he is sure 10 rise again.
Hon GRANTLEY +. BERKLHY has been lee
turing in Glasgow upon America. 1t was a
novel theme, certainly, and the audience, it
must be presumed, was exactly such an one as
would receive every thing about America, with
wonder and delight. They were such an out
of-ihe-way people. They had so little TO do
with the sea. There were SO few OF them that
Lad ever heard of America. There were so
very much fewer that had ever been 10 Amer
lea OF all places In the world, Glasgow was
the place 10 select, 10 tell travellers stories
about America. There is nobody in Glasgow
that has friends and connexions here. There
IS nobody there that has mercantile houses
here There Ia nobody there that buys tobacco
and cotton here. People from Glasgow never
come to America. They hear of New York,
bat ONLY IS = remote and visionary city, TO be
visited once or twice IN century by some
daring missionary, but iar beyond the reach
of The ordinary traveller. having secured
such AL audience, the Hon. GRANTLkf pro-
.eeCs 10 tell his wonderful tale.
Hon. GGkErLEY travelled fast-the tribe Of
"SyusiifuIE gus" always travels fast. lie did
America in lbree months and an cdd day or
TWO. lie sailed irom Liverpool .0Ih August
He ate his Christmas dinner at home. We
hone itagreed with him. He arrived IN New
YORK. tie saw any number OF big hotels, but
not d solitary magnificent building, and only
one toIerabie street. Here he made strange
discovery-a discovery which has been chronl-
c,ed by 10 other traveller, OF course. We
American. ale a people who SPtt-GRANTLEY
,,ys so. and GKANTLEY knows. A very Old
Of. tcb 4 7
vas Inc original hero, is gotten up anew for
his especial benefit, ii having been discovered
10 doubt tha. he took Il lively interest in
everything connected with Sputing. DAVY
attended The soiree OF a lady OF fashion with n
huge quid n his mouth. Occasionally he spirited
The amber ca the new carpet. A servant
placed splitting dish at his teet-he retired ,aad
lock another shot Ut the carpet-the servant
aa,auced pushing the spittoon at DAyY-at last
he cornered lin, when DAvY III a tit Of despe-
ration erred ouI, If you don't take that thing
!. say viii spit il it." THIS old tarce-poor
DAvl was killed st the Alamo twenty four
yeaIs ago last April-this old farce was got
zen up anew for the edification Of Hon
GgAYTLEY. He sac ii ,ritA has own syss
GEAHTLEY did. Aud that was not ali he saw.
lie saw ladies' dresses i'll railway carriages
GHANTLEY Happy GRA NTLEY! Luck,
GRANTLLY! Wonderful America, where the
ladies are so tall that their very dresses ale
five feet high. Capt. LEaUEL CULVER found
Brobulgnag On the Pacific coast OF this con-
t.nenl where Oregon Is now. II the Captain
had been Oh the look-o out for big people, he neel
not have gone quite 50 far But he was looking
for nc such thing He was thrown by shipwreck
on the western coast. He could have found
wuIuen ute Us large as Grandchildren on this
side How could such women get in the Gals,
we wonGeri Women who can spare five feet
Of their dresses TO the 10 bacco bath, and have
enough lett for decency besides.
GRANTLRY stayed in New York several
DAYS. GRLHTLkY is a man whose perceptions
ale Intuitive. He sees into every question at
= g.ance The wisest men in America and
EaE.aud have been engaged upon the question
Of voting by the ballot-bo for quarter of Il
century. GRANTLKY settled it in less than a
week lie is certainly great man-muCh
greater than julius CESAR. CESAR "came,
saw and CONQUERED" GEANTLEY came, d.dnt
see and decided. He came 10 New York, he
djfu,t see any election, and he settled it to The
s,tistaetion Of all right minded mer, that the
nsilot- box is ulonstrosity, and that BRIGHT
and GOLDEN are coupe of humbugs. Hadn't
GeARTLEY a right to know, Hadn't he been
:. member of Parliament from GIoucester -
shire, where they have no ballot-box, ard did
not that qualify him to decide about America
where they have a ballOt-box GRANTLKY
never witnessed such "trightful coercion; rs
he saw il the United States. The only way
10 have free represen tative government il
his opinion is TO keep up the old rotten bo-
roughs. There is only bribery, here is coer-
civn. Where and how GRANTLEY saw all
this, we are not allowed TO know, for he was
Oft for the prairies almost before his feet
touched the pavement of New York. Prota-
bly, he got il from the bafaio hunters. lie
was not the first great calf JOHN BULL had
sent among hem.
Twenty-four people were waiting on The
railway platform for GRANTLIY when he got
10 Philadelphia. An English snob, it seems,
Is a raTiiy III the Quaker city, although they
have plenty of the home made article. "No
rada," says GRAHTLEY, " is considered re-
spec IS bic in America unless he is accompanied
by "A man in black to introduce him TO The
.eople." Some men, he might have added are
not considered respec table even with this in
dispensable. GRANTLEY, however, had his
imam in black we presume, although he
does not condescend TO explain what he means
by man in black, and we are sure we know
nothing about him, except that he is not the
man in the :" claret coiored coat" Probably
Il was that mysterious parsonage that shit
BILLY PATTERSON" We have our own rea-
sons for knowing that it was not the Hog
eye nan" GRAsTLEY found the whole
country watching for him as he journeyed 10
81, Louis. They had heard Of him through
She papers they had never seen an English
snob; they were curious TO see one GeAUT.