Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-03-30
George Washington:
BY JOHN PHOENIX.

| y
BY JOHN PHOENIX.
! George Washington was one of the most
distinguished movers in the American Rev
olution.
He was born of poor but honest parents a,
Genoa in the year 1492 His mother was
called the Mother of Washington. lie mar.
ried, early in life, single widow lady, Mrs.
Martha Curtis, whom Prescott describes as
the cussidcst pretty woman south of Mason
and Dixon's line. Young Washington COM
menccd business as country surveyor, AMI.
was present in that capacity at a sham fight
under Gen. Paddock, where so many guns
were fired that the whole body Of militia were
stunned by the explosion, and sat down to
supper unable to hear word that was said.
The supper was afterwards alluded to as
Braddock's deaf eat, and the similc, deaf MS
Braddock," subsequently vulgarized into
''deaf as haddock, !" had its rise from that cir
cumstance. Washington commanded several
troops during the Revolutionary War, and
distinguished himself by crossing the Dcla-
ware river on ice Of very inadequate thick
ness, to visit family of Hcssians Of his ac-
quaintancc. slie was passionately fond of
green peas and string beans, and his favoritc
motto was, In time ofpcas prepare for war"
Washington's most intimate friend was a
French gentleman, named Marcus Dee, who,
from his constant habits of risibility, was
nick-named "laughy yeti His greatest vic
! tory was at Germantown, where, coming upon
the British in the night, he completely sur
rounded them with wall of cotton bales,
! from which he opened a destructive and ter
rife fire, which soon caused the enemy to
capitulatc. The cotton bales being perforated
with musket balls, were much increased in
weight, and consequently in value, and the
expression PlNyfif1fy used, w hats the price
of cotton" was much in vogue after the bat
tic.
During the action, Washington might have
been seen driving up and down the lines,
exposed in a small Concord wagon, drawn by
a bobtailed gray horse. His celebrated dis
patch, "vcni, vidi, vici," or, came and
saw in Concord wagon, has reference to this
circumstance.
Washington has been called the Father
of his Country" (an inapt title, more appro-
pirate to the Mr.. McClosky, parent of the eel
ebrated pugilist) the child has grown, how
ever, to that extent its own father would not
know it. Gen. Walker (William Walker) Is
now called the Father of Nicaragua, and we
have no doubt, in case of his demise, his chill
drcn, the native Nicarguans, would erect
suitable monument over his remains, with the
suitable inscription "Go, father, and fare
WORSE"
Washington was member of the Know
Nothing order, and directed that none but
Americans should be put on guard, which
greatly annoyed the Americans, their COM
fort being entirely destroyed by perpetual
turns of guard duty.
He was twice elected President of the Unit
ed States by the combined Whig and Know
Nothing parties, the Fcdcralists and Aboli-
tionists voteing against him and served ont
his time with great credit to himself and the
country-drawing his salary with regular
ity and precision worthy all commentator.
Although, for the time in which he lived
a very distinguished man, the ignorance of
Washington is something perfectly incredible
He never travelled on steamboat; never saw
q railroad, or a locomotive engine; was per-
fectly ignorant Of the principles of the mag
nctic telegraph; never had daguerreotype,
Colts pistol, or Sharpc's rifle, or used fric-
ton match He ate his meals with am iron
fork, never used postage stamps on his let
ters, and knew nothing of the application of
chloriform to alleviate suffering, or the use of
gas for illumination. Such a man MS this
could hardly be elected President of the
United States in these times, although it
must be confessed, we occasionally have a
candidate who proves not much better in
formed about matters in general
Washington died from exposure on the
summit of Mount Vernon, i'm the year 1856,
leaving behind him name that will endure
forever, if postcrity presists in calling their
%,,t
fashionable. He is mentioned in history as
having been II first in war, first in peace,
and first in the hearts of his eountryman -
in other words, he was No. in everything
and it was equally his interest to look out for
that number, and he took precious good care
to do So A portrait, by Gilbert Stuart, Of
this great soldier and statesman, may be seem
very badly engraved, in the History of the
United States but it was taken when the
General was in the act Of chewing tobacco,
the left check is distended ont Of proportion,
and the likeness rendered very unsatisfactory
| Upon the whole, Gen. G. Washington was
very excellent man; though unfamiliar with
SCOTS Infantry Tactics" he was tolerable
officer; though he married widow, he was
fond husband and though he did not
know the Beecher family, he was a sincere
Christian. @
A monument has been commenced in the
city Of Washington to his memory, which is
to be five hundred feet in height; and it
should be the wish Of every true hearted
American that his virtues and services may
not be forgotten before ii is completed, in
which case the remembrance viii probaly en-
dure forever.
From VANITY FuB.---The Government con-
templates furnishing US with new cent as
soon as the ore is smclt. II win probably
have the odor of Mint.
Always on the watch.--Pcter Funk.
Balmy.--A young fellow, whose prcsum-
| ing inheritance was dissipated through the
extravagance of his father, now finds conso-
lation in the proverb, " Cs nest qsse lc pre-
mier Pa qui e cOute"
The Bone of Contention in the house.
Jaw bone.
Rising with the Dirds.--Getting "high y
on lark.
Modest.-Most men look out for " number
one. Louis Napoleon looks out for No. III.
A regular Jail Bird. "A burglar, when he
is Robin.
Pistol Practice. Many members of Con-
gress, we understand, are in the habit Of car