New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1860-08-10


vjolated-tbat was what all women loathe
could not understand il; yet there /, rem aimed
fact of my nature asserting itse aglnst the condioh
in which was placed and from when apparently ITO
earthly power existed 10 release me.
returned to Ea.ton an altered being; but this feel-
irg off somewhat in the routine, and 10 ne heces
sites Of married hfe-for bis fathers death, occurring
shortly after, you remember, involved May enanges
anc responsibilities, which turned, IN mease i'i
iine, the current of my though 8. L..
AiteIward succeeded, OF cons antIy recurring pter
walls of year or two, many other deaths ~ oui &c
lilies which tended TO check my free mou'gehHo W
thought till at last my feelings se,lteo sI,P2 in,;o
sense of vague but awful responsibility Va
Yon must recall the constant distress and trouble
into which we were all plunged by the sncce e
deaths OF is sister Anna ms sun, Hail 100 was
and the children. The family at - han, 700, wa
a weight which never ceased TO press upon my heart
and, indeed, upon my whole existence
: And so lived but not among the living. had my
I'M or life and my outward e,what, aouo' G nov,
other women have had as well this poor one az Cat
top drummed, in the old schoolgirl way inco my
husband the set tunes for the piano, utterly wi
ohseryant of the music. j dressed III tne same me,
chspical way 10 receive his relations anu
when they were gone-and Sd underwent, Denealn
copjuRa woke of continued kindness, slow death
ent. red into the life around me as an actress real her
self only when away from the stage OF her acuon.
became the same that other women become, VINO '9,n
from human faces to brute things for comfort. My
early raseon for horses and dogs proved then my con-
ISOLATION. ! had TO the full that mental nervousness
which Graves alignment in action IL would De inpo'
sibe to admire horse more than had always DONE
1t was an instinct of my nature Just as OF Landseer
or of old Mary Breeze's of glorious memoryi but
loved them now for they were 30 much TO me
But when alone immured away from every one L
lived ny fullest life. My Imagination went a TS
boldly, admiringy, lovingly, to other men. They
were not objects Of jealousy, dear for they
were dead
lived with tle memories of the founders OF our
family-men who never sat up IN the clerk STOOL au
could never have claimed the benefit OF clergy-meh
with strong arms and stalwart frames, making thep
deeds OF knightly prowess known I'D hundred oa.es
with the memories of Hugh, and w alter, ana MAT
thew and John, who in the Holy Lana iougot az
Prince Edward side ard rendered their red cross
terror TO the Paynim. And my memory, only 700
tenacious as you know kept each noble form before
me- with all the viyidness OF present reality: ,:.h
lived with them, too, in their pastimes, IN whicn
side by side with the Black Prince, in the eyes oil
their SOS reign and their gracious mistress bis Qoesn
Phlippa at the tournaments held on the very sPots
where | daily rode-they mimcked their glorious
achievements upon the veritabe heds OF blood winch
they had woD. ,os-
enlate " it'll such education as / saw around me, nor
bampered with narrow trade tricks. wondered wht
work they would be about if they were hving 70 oay
tried to imagine how any OF the 1amhy coulu nav
got down step by step, generation AFTER geheraNoh,
10 studying Greek yeres, or calculating per cent?
Hugo alive / knew well, would not be a pray
ing banker but abroad in the free ar, adventur.ng
crHsades, simply and naturally, In Whatever way ane
ply and naturally, and yet 50 IRE sisnoly' res
cued the sepulcher OF my buried hopes anu
desires agsinst the law and the power, Ihe lgno;,
rance and the infdety TO human nature, OF gil ounu
me. All things great are simple. In the crusades my
ancestors ads entured they went long way across Tue
world. Ii was far as the distance between groom
and lady, but not further. They conquered what was
their own by right of their nature and their bell7 ana
al 4, sfruQ 4
undertakes the assertion of his right against social law
They conquered theirs as he did also his own; and
does not his seem act like or nobler than theirs Is
the rescue of dead body worhier act than the res
cue of living soul
II was not 80 hard conquest. My requirements
were simple and natural. was surrounded by every
thing unreal and artificial demanded the society oil
living man, free from the education and influences OF
family holding all these foolish theor e that deprive
us Of the real enoyments of Efe-one who could look
upon water as water and drink 1t without homiiy-
look upon food not as subject OF prayer, but Oh mas'
caCn-eDjoy the sunshine and air as sunshine and ar
and talk with men and women as such without shrink
ing from them heerodox, or loving them as ortno-
dox too well-one who could listen TO music aud nod 1t
pleasant TO the ear and not be exercised whether God
intended should be agreeable could contemplate
a picture not az an engine of the devil but work of
art-one who could enjoy all delights as requirements
of naiure and not subjects of deep concern In
Mr. Taylo found such a man. He looked upon all
these things as indeed aiso them; but with him
il was not a matter which cost him questioning lie
knew it all without thought and without education, as
thew call it, He lived in the intutye knowledge OF It,
In the interchange Of kindred thoughts about these
things we lived day by day, until, unconseloWy, l
found myself craving every word he spoke found
his presence which took back 10 the men OF my an
cesra PRIDE necessity OF my hie and at last ielt
myself for the first time beneath an influence OF love.
The night that followed this discovery when knelt
down by my bedside, his image stood between me and
the far.of height on which my subjected BRAIN had
placed God.
And when cav him there, struggled as / had
been led to believe was duty TO dash down the image
that stood at once in the way of my human vows and
in the very presence OF the stein, methodcai God OF
their education
Yes dear Il - loved bin almost before knew il
and he, felt, moreover loved me, though not word
was spoken between IL was not his to speak and
would have concealed from my very nmost sell the
fact Of this love.
Bnt il could not be so forever. To maintain the
form of superiority where none existed, became at
last an in possibility. We loved and the expression
of it foresaw could no longer be controlled by either,
and 30 it came first from my lips. He was ridag be-
side me and did not reply 10 me. He sad out into the
air into the heavens God has given me too great a
oy Then he turned to me and eaid: have loved you
from the first day saw you loved you because l
felt it was my destiny; other than this know not
why; only know loved You.
Dear - = he was 30 beautiful, 30 noble then, in
the expression Of that love go long concealed The
earth whired around me- and his arm caught me fall
ing unconsciousy. When came TO myself was rest
ing on his bosom, confident Of its strength as of a
breastplate of iron, though saw his eyes dim with
tears.
We rode bomeward inlsilence. There was beauty
in the very stones beneath our feet. The wayside
flowers had an odor too exquisite 10 the sense The
cir and sky filed with an influence too beautiful
for earth. / was very, very happy. Could this feel
ing have rested in me- had been conten-faithful 70
my Duty as had been taught-to have lived ever 3d..
But my heart was now craving constantly the repeti
ton Of that moment 1t could not be satisfied but in
his presence Hitherto patient only under sense of
wrong now began TO be agitaed by passion in