The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1860-12-15
WHOLE No. 173.
ARTEMUS WARD VISITS BRIGHAM
YOUNG.

sum noble rSu men OF Ine IOFSSI ~ D. i MS
is rote Sarcasticul. Injins is pizen. whar
ever found, which they Sed was their
Brother, & wanti1 for TO smoke the Calomei
of Peace with me. Thsy then stole my
ierkt beef, blankets. etsettery, skaIpt my
origin grinder & Scooted with Wild Hoop,
Durin the Cheats peech he sed he
shood meat me in the Happy Huntin
Grounds If be duz thare will be fite.
tons, as our skoolmaster, who has got Tai
ent into him, cussycally observes -
arrove at Salt Lake In doc time, AT
Camp Scott thar was lot of u. s. soiers,
hosstensibly sent out thare to smash to
the mormons but really to eat Salt vittles
and play poker & other beautiful but sum
what onsartiu games. ! got acquainted
With som Of the officers. Thay lookt put
ty scrumpshus in their Bloc coats with brass
outings onto un & ware very talented
Ide willinly put my wax 6ggers against the
hull party.
Ny desire was to exhibit my gratis show in
Salt Lake City, so I called on Brigham
Young, the CRATE mogull amung the norm
ings, and axed his permishun to pitch my
! tent onfurl my banner to the ientIe breezis.
He lookt at me in q austeer manner for a
! few minits & Sed:
''Do you bleeve in Solomon, Saint Paul,
the immaculateness of the Mormn Church
and the latter-day Revelsshuns ?"
Sell, lime on il - ! make it pint to
git along plesunt, tho didn't know what
under the Son the old Teller was driven at.
He said mite sho.
You air married man Mister Yung,
1 belve ?" seq l, preparin to rite him sum
| free parsis.
..Hev eighty wives, Mister Ward. SER
tinly am married"
How do you like it as far as you hev
got ?" sed l.
He sed "middlin." and axed me wouldn't
| like to see his famerly to which replied
that wouldn't mind minglin with the fair
! Seek & Barskin in the winnin smiles of his
/ interestin wives. He accordinly TUX me TO
| his Scareum. The house is powerful big d
| in exceedin large room was his wives and
! children, which larst WAS squakwin and
| hollerin enuf to tax the roof rite OFF the
house The Wemin was all sizes and ages.
Sum was pretty & sum was plane-sum
was helthy & sum was on the Wayne
which Is verses, tho SIGH Was not my inten
shuns, as I don't prove of putin veres IN
Proze ritins. tho eff occashun requires can
Jerk Pom ekal TO any of them Atlantic
Munthly fellers.
my wives, Mister Ward" sed Yung.
your savants marms," sed /, as l sot
down in cheer q red -heded female brawt
me
Beside these wives you see here, Mister
Ward" sed Yung. Il have eighty more in
varis parts of this consecrated land which
air Sealed to me-
(Which 90 seq !, gitten up and startin at
| him.
Sealed, Sir, sealed"
Where bowls ?" seq I.
Il sed, Sir, that they were sealed J" He
spoke in traggerdy voice.
"Wil thay probably continue on in that
stile to any CRATE extent Sir 90 axed.
Sir sed he turnin as red IS billed
beet, don't you know that the rules of our
/ Church is that /, the Profit, may hev as
meny wives as l wants 90
"Jes So" sed. You are old pie, ain I
you 2"
"Tbem as is Sealed to me-that is to say,
| to be mine when l wants um-air at pres
ent my sperretooul wives" sed Mister
Yung.
Long may they wave - seq I. seein
shood GIT into scrape eff dident look out.
| In a privit conversashun with Brigh-
ham | lernt the follerin fax: 1t takes him
six weeks to kiss his wives. He don't do it
only onct yere & it is wuss nor cleanin
house. He don't pretend to know his chill
dren, there is so many of UNI, tho they all
know him. He SEE about every child he
meats calls him Par. d he takes il for grant
| i'd it is so. His wives air very expensive.
They alters want suthin d eff he don't buy
it for UNI they set the house 10 uproar.
He seq he don't rev minits peace. His
wives fife amung themselves so much that
he has bit fitting room for thare speshul
benefit d when too of UNI git into row he
has um turned loose into that place, WHARF
the dispoot is settled sccordin to the rules
of the London prize ring. Sumtmes thay
Sumtimes they abooz hisself Individually
| Thsy hev pulled the most of his hair out at
the roots d he wares meDy a horrible scar
upon his body. inflicted with mon handles,
broom sticks d SIGH. Occashunly thay git
mad and scald him with bilin hot water.
| When he got eny wsze cranky thay'd shut
him up in dark closii. preyi5ly whippin
him srter the slile of murhers when tbare
oriSprings git onruly. Sumtimes when he
went in swimming Ihay'd go to the banks
of the Lake and steal all his close, thereby
compellin him TO eneek home by sircoot-
Jus Towt, dresst in the Skanderlus stiIe Of the
Greek Slave. Il 6Bd that the keers Of a
married life way heyy QUITO me-" sed the
Profit, "& sumtimes wish Ide remained
singel." left the Profit and started for
the tsrvern WHARF ] put up 10. On my
way was overtuk by lurge krowd of Nor
minis, which they surrounded me and statid
that thsy was goin into the Show free.
WALL" seq !. '.ef End individooul
who Is goin round lettin folks into his show
free, lie let you know"
We've mad Reyelsshun biddin as go
into 4. Wards Show without payin moth
in !" thay shoWlid.
Yes" hollerd lot of female Norm
onesses. ceasin me by the cote tales & swim
in me round very. rapid, were all goin in
free So SEE the Revelsshun -
What's Old Reyelashun got 70 do with
my Show ?" sez /, gitten putty riley
TELL Mister ReveIsshun.' seq I, drawn
myself up to my full bite aud lookin round
upon the ornery krowd viii, prowd Il def
mai mean estslt Misaap Rawat.ahrra 70 mind