Gazette and sentinel., 1860-04-21
Matrimony.

Now, girls, stop looking at the young
gentlemen, do something sensible. and
stop building air-castles and talking Of
lovers and Homogeneous. 1t makes ne
sick; it is perfectly antimonial. Love
is a farcc-matrimony is IA Eumbug.-
Husbands are domestic Napolcons, Pha-
raohS, Alcxanders signing for other
hearts TO conquer after they are sure Of
yours.
The honeymoon is as shOrt-lived as 4
lucifer match. After that you may wear
wedding dress at breakfast and your
night-cap to meeting, and your husband
wouldn't know it. You may pick up
your own pocket handkerchief, help
yourself to a chair, and split your gown
across the back in reaching over the
table for Il piece of butter, while he is
laying in his breakfast as if it was the
last meal he should eat in this world.
When he gets through, he will aid your
digestion, while YOU are slipping your
first cup Of coffee, by inquirinG what
you'll have for dinner: if the cold lamb
was ate yesterday; if the charcoal is all
out, and how much You gave for the last
green tea Won bought. Then he gets up
from the table, lights his cigar with the
last evenings paper that You have not
had a chance toread; gives two or three
whiffs of smoke which are sure IL give
a headache for the afternoon, and just
as his coat tail is vanishing through the
door, apologies for not doing that err
rand for you yestcrday--thinkS itdouht-
full if he can to-day, so pressed with
business. Hear of him at ii O'clock ia
king an icc-cream with some ladies at
the confectioners, while vou are at home
new-lining his coat sleeves. Children
by the ears all day, can't get III to take
the air; feel as crazy as fly in a drum.
Husband comes home at night and
mods how dye do, Fan Boxes Char
lcys ear, stands little Fanny in the cor
ncr, sits down in easiest chair in the
warmest nook; puts his feet over the
CRATE, shutting out all the fire, while the
baby's pug nose grows blue with cold;
reads the newspaper all to himself, So
laces his inner man with a cup of tea.
and Just as you are laboring under the
hallucination that he will ask Won to
take a mouthful of fresh air with him,
he puts on his dressing gown and slip
pers and begins to reckon mp the fami-
" expenses; after which he lies down on
the sofa; and you keep tipe with Your
needle while he sleeps till nine o'clock.
Next morning ask him to leave you a
little money he looks at you as if to he
sure that you are in your right mind;
draws a sigh long and strong enough to
initiate a pair of bellows; and asks you
what you want with it, and if a half
dollar won't do. Gracious king . as if
those little shoes and stockings and
shirts could be had for half q dollar.
o girls {! set your affections on cats,
pDodles, parrots, or lap-dogs, but let
matrimony alone It's the hardest way
on earth to get a living; You never know
when your work is done. Think of car
rying eight or nine children through
measles, chicken pox, rash, humps,
scarlet fevcr-somc of them twice over.
1t makes my head ache to think of it.
Oh, you may scrimp and save and turn
and twist, and dig and dclvc, and econ
omize and die, and your husband " i'll
marry again, and take what You have
saved to dress his second wife with, and
she'll take your portrait for airc-board
But what is the use of talking-Tl war
rant every n of you'll try it the first
chance you get, for somehow there is a
sort Of bewitchment about it. | wish
n half the world were not fools and
the other half idiots