The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-01-07
THE YANKEES RusE.s

Have you ever heard tell Of 6 Steel trap
Joshp" Ii, you bavsa't you have missed
some Of the grandest treats and richest Jokes
that ever written or heard Of in this noto.
fious country. @ Ak ,se,a $3.50
The general rule is to begin at the begin
ming, but it would take q much more supple
pen than mine to do 30 in this case Al l
never saw the Joke he played on Judge r.,
in print, will give it you as heard it trom
him, but 1t will need better head than mine
togive it in his inimitable style. 't Z,
lie was driving alor an uninhabited road
in tho western part Of this State, when he
was accosted BY a stranger, and the follow.
ing coloquy occurred. Josh, with his usual
inquisitiv eness, enquired: "Which way
yer driyin', stranger; bound to the village
Isposc 90 60 80,
"Yes, my friend, and if you could accom- !
modate me with seat in your wagon, I'D
j greatly prefer it to this slow method of jog
4 ging along on foot,' answered the stnnger,
/ (whom we will introduce to the reader as
\ JuIa aoe b., well known 10 the district We
| HHel ysou :ssnai iaay sksleton, yson
yeou adaIned sneak, yeau! Stranger, yeou
must excuse thin bag q bones she'sone Of
the lazyest critters l ever had the nisfor-
tunsrt come across. W0 IL tell yer; thu
yeou 90 agin at come more Of yer sneakin
capers agin; ye'd beeter kick yer huii gear
in off, hadn't yer ?' quoth Josh, as the poor
brute commenced kicking off some trouble
some flies that werc bothering him. i q .
I The stranger Immediately stepped into he
wagon, and pulled out q roll Of manuscrip;
which be commenced reading as ifsanxious
to put an end to the conversation but, as
Josh said, this did not suit him much.
/ Now be had to invent some plan bJ which
he could draw the stranger into cow ersa-
tion. Sohe very squiesly remarked to his
silent companions: ''This is splendid wether
fur the crops guess we'res soin' tn hev sum
/ mighty fine corn, amt we? ?"
''Yes ~ responded the Judge, rather
dryly.
avail, that attempt failed, anyhow try
him agin." After an ominous silence of a
fsw inmates, Josh again said 3 yssTlat was
fine sarmint of yeours last Sunday, up in
the village we iist left.'' .ss#
'sNever preached 10 my life!y 2 emphsti-
cally answered the judge. lss.laslass e lsa
sThat shot missed fire agin. thought
that would draw him out If anything would.
So yeou amt preacher, .thena" qaoth our
inptrturbatlef friend.
4 sSseEo! ~ said the Judge nsAssaf S1i'sfs {
"Mebbe yer one Of these humbuggin' fel-
lers wot goes round lecturin' on 'str ology,
astronomy and sich like darned things, as
people know nothin' about"
81 tell you amt a lecturer on science
NEITHER" again surlily answeredthe Judge.
Wall, know what ye are neow." "a g,
"What ?' asked the Judge. p p&
"Why guess yer one o. these darned ly-
ing newspaper editors, aint yer ?"
5ssNo!" growled the Judge, thinking he
I had been as well pumped az he wanted 0
be. 's2as' 81 -:s77e a.-
! s1Wa!l, look here, stranger, meow don't
! be 50 darned unsociable my names Josh,
come folks call me steel-trap JOSH" =. -
4 s.Tbe d-lthey do" querried the Ju ige.
| ssYss: IN on my honest and personal re-
sponsibility, don't want to offend ycou,
but don't like to ride with feller 'thout
! knowinh his name thar's no harm done even
/ if yeou are runaway thief, or niger
stealer, nur any thing else, haint a goin' to
iuform on YER" 5a. 7ss'nEt Et14s =
/ "What thief, niger stealer, you won't
| inform! the ID! you won't; no don't
think you will, you internal steel trap, you.
Now answer me, do ! look like q thief, do
lie, Do / look like nigger stealer. Here,
stop that crowbate, I'd sooner walk the
Tourney ten times over than ride with such
an ignorant wretch of q steel-trap as you
4 arc! My name is Judge R; l. suppose
you have heard it before, aint you9 Guess
| you amt talking to q nigger thief, either,
| are you 2' yelled the almost raving Judge,
furious at being taken for niger stealer
for he was q sound democrat. II .gaTa'yttss :
Josh, who had continued diving all the
t,me, looked At the Judge in vslA assumed
surprise, for he knew tho fuse would bring
out the strangers nanea
7 "What! you're Judge Rz-s how in all
! tafnation's this Wsll. I'll be hanged II
II don,t deserve q licking. So you're Judge
R., the great orator and statesman that
Ive heard. 90 much talk aboutps Well PIl
be switched; and pve dared to call you .
niger thief, !" chimed in the willy Yankee1n
1.-THE greatest surprise, at the same time ad.
ding ell the aAttering epithets in his well
supplied vocabulary to sppesss the Judges
/ wrath. "a sas,,.s7 rs a7i4, 49, ~ .l3ssE
| eyes, an Judge Re- replied he, .
little cooled down by the unnhessured praise
| Of ths Yankee. . sytI5h-- = e ,siss
I "Whew pve hearn tell Of yeou City times
over; give ns yer hand, Judge, an don't let
Eno hard feelings exist tween u.s." said Josh,
Lextend,ng bis hand, which the Judge rather
lscoolly took, for continued Josh, s'blast my
jpister, uf Pd only knoHd twas you, Pd 9
FnevSr thor o sayin what did that's sartin.
tWs'ss Of the sane side in politics meow,
lJudge, an, must DO good friends. 1swss
1goin TO vote tother ticket tomorrow. but
I'll have to vete fur yeou meow, BY ithun-
der.s' i''es AaA 49, ~ = ,s,s5s Sc
That. Was the best hit yet, and the Judgs
brishteued up like clouds after : summer
shQWey.s ~ lssia So 70 ssls1s ssiv wsa1ssa q
| ssWhy that's yoar speech ysou wasreadin
Is mint ago, want it? =. Why in all tarpation
ldidn,t you tell me who ye was?s Gnsss we'd
betses Kicker after thst scrape anyhow -
| There's sum Of Ohio's best, take q good
4pull, Judge, to'lengthen friendship.
4 The 1ades did the bottle fulijsstice, Josh
taking the same example. Tho Judge was
BY thiS time well plessed With hin cotnpsA.
lion, The thoughts Of having got an extra
vote and his deep imbi5ision al tended to
4make him very talkativs, and he apologised
1profusely for the h6fdla1saage he bad used
lbf0vnsdn. hia friend. xaayExTFk .YIsg wvi