Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1860-05-22
Wurerstrr @aiID Spp.

CConcludcd.l

thdI we were not alkc IN our estimates OF the
value and importance Of many things. Some
which one valued highly, another could see
little merit in My Old feeling that knew
best, returned upon me and | arrogated the
right OF debating how and when things should
be done. Although lenlent and indugent al
most to fault, yet he could not, as he ought
not, yield his own convictions of right. This
made me critical and censOrious, especially if
he was unsuccessful or unfortunate in his
plans. Then L often boastingly ifnot taunting-
ly pointed out the superiority of my plans and
their greater chances of success. OF course
this was all exceedingly annoying to nature
like his, which conscienti0usy meant right,
however much it might fail i'll judgment
Ellis affection was not of nature to mani
fest itself in petty detail, but rather IN ways
to do me permanent good to give me more ex-
allied views and purer desires
as usual cravcd little attentions necessarily
and not receiving then, complained fretfully
end soon accusngly. L could not explain to
smyselfthen the apparent contradictions in my
nature, but now L know it was a struggle
between my love for my husband and for my
self, each striving for the mastery.
Business and other circumstances often
separated temporarily. AT such times
was uneasy, unhappy. Absence taught me
the full value of his society and influence over
me, and then l would resolve never again to
set up my own SelfishnesS in opposition to his
wishes or intentions but would be always d-
rected by that strong current OF love and re-
spect for him, which | knew was constantly
running through my heart.
"But alas the selfish motives and impulses
of my nature, acting like debris and fioodwood,
damned up this holier current, and again and
again turned it from its legitimate course.
Then again | became complaining, censorious,
said could do better for myself, and wished
were again independent. Nay, even threat
ened to leave my husband and show him that
1 could be happier and more successful with
out him. And again and again he torgave me,
and was tireless in his efforts and good inten-
tons to do right: though must say, l think
he failed in judgment.
81 blush now and can never forgive myself
for the small things to which in my pettish-
ness l sometimes condescehded =; for the ag-
gravatng and insulting things which l
sometimes did and said but as James often
told me, mine was nature that had never been
properly disciplined, and until it had it would
prove source of grief, modification, and mis-
cry, TO myself and all connected with me.
at was when under the influence Of one of
these, my most pettish whims, that my hus
band went with me to make some purchases
among them was the delane for skirt. The
business did not speed satisfactorily to me, |
was dissatisfied ill natured, and unreasonable,
of course. | gave vent to my feelings in words
which even l am ashamed to think of, and
cannot repeat | saw that my companion was
grieved, felt hurt, but he said little.
"When | was again reasonable being l
was sorry for what had done, as | always
was but, sad to tell, my sorrow was always too
superficial and short lived, else had it led to
my genuine reform, and L had been saved the
terrible lesson which finally proved necessary
to subdue me.
cat that time l was preparing to leave my
han tricft4 Il
tant state. Indeed the purchases had made
the delaine among tn rest, were preparatory
to that journey. We parted as usual, kindly,
tenderiy. | was full Of good resolves, rs usual,
anfJioubted not my husband had, as former
Nv ,rgiven all So started prepared to en-
fmyself, which did for several days after
reached my place Of destination.
"But no words can describe the amazement
with which l read my husbands first letter. L
was thunderstruck by it. | could not believe
my senses when | read it, 1t brought me the
terrible decision to which he had come, that
we must part, that we had too little sympathy
in common to live happily together, and that
henceforth our spheres must be apart.
81 thought, then, as l do now that other
persons, for some ill will to me, though what
could never imagine, influenced him. If they
did, | wish them no worse fate than Just ret
ributiOn for their act; for, as Fowler says, mo
punishment is too bad for mcddlcsome persons
who come between husband and wife We'd
ded life is one within which no person has any
right to enter save those personally concerned.
Il read and re-read the letter, and the more
/ read, the more became bewidered. l knew
my own conscience told me that | had sinned
greatly against man far too good for me
still | could not think he would not forgive,
as he had so often done. | did not consider
that there is point beyond which forbearance
even ceases to be a virtue.
'My love Tor him seemed increased hun
dred fod-it became a perfect torrent, sweep
ing everything else before its impetuuus
course. And | could not believe but what his
for me must do the same so l finally con-
cluded that this letter was only to try me, and
that my husband but waited to see me to again
restore our relations DO their former footing
And oh how sincerely j resolved that. should
We do SO, no cause for MISUNDERSTANDING
shouii5a ever arise upon mNpart
GAS yGa may well suppose, did not pro-
long my visit'to any Jangsht eNtdht. ~Ft afford
ed me no qualification. What had formerly
afforded me pleasure, now palladvIlRgf5n my
senses. On the wngs.of 'TsMpaticnccT hasten,
ed to my husband-for l would still so consid-
er hm-hoping for kindly reception, yet
fearing the contrary.
at was evening when l arrived He was
surrounded by people, engaged with them on
business. His reception was cool, was even
lnulnerent. NO smile greeted me as usual but
rather look of settled determination. Oh
the shadow that that look cast over my whole
being. 1t enshrinedme for the moment with
thick, impenetrable gloom
''But still l would hope against hope, and
ray of light finally cleaned through the cloud
Could but speak with him, | was sure all
Aeuuld be explained, and that all would yet be
well.
GLOW impatiently l waited for morning
hoping he would seek me. | waited in vain
This failure Of my hopes was ominous. He
did not want to see me. This was evidence
that his heart was closing against me. De-
spair gave me boldness. | waited a time
when knew he was alone in his office and
then myself went TO him. AS before, he was
indiferently cool towards me. AT first, l was
too much overcome to speak. However at
length told him why had come.
Gle said words were unnecessary. He al
luded to our many points Of difference for
years, continued, and eliminating in the pur-
chase of the delaine; as proof of that, we
could never agree and make each other hap
py. He had come to this painful conclusion
after painful deliberation he was firm ana
calm; then | knew he was decided. What |
had hoped was only teint to test me, now
knew was a terrible reality.
"To multiply words, he said, would only
widen the breach between us he thought it
wsest TO lot this be our last talk. My re-
solves to do differently had been too often
made and broken, to give him any confidence
now in their sincerity. My pleadings were of
no avail Yes, girls, | even plead, much as ]
had before boosted of my resolution and abi
I