Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1860-10-16
Subscribers Classified.

One of the Chicago editors gets off good hit
at newspaper subscribers. He divides them in
70 classes, which he says are capable OF innu-
merable subdivisions. According to his ''book-
tionary" the first class are the uprights. These
are men who take newspapers, pay for them and
read them. They do the thing by system =
They pay first and then read. They are gene
rally intelligent men, and consider that they get
the worth Of their money. 1t seems as fair and
just to them that the newspaper should be paid
for, as barrel of flower or new coat. They
never entertain any other opinion. When the
year runs out they are on hand again with the
pay This class, the editor remarks, are near
and dear to the heart of the printer. Their i'm
age is embalmed in his affections, and they are
universally respected. The second class are do
wells. They are in some degree related to the
first. They pay up during the first six months
-sntended TO do so before, but forgot it,
They never forgot 1T if they failed to receive the
paper once week. But these patrons will do.
They won't let him suffer, if occasionally re-
minded Of their short comings. The third class
are the easy doors. They believe in newspapers
always read. They take the paper without
urging. They come up like men and pay for
the first year. The next year rolls along but
they quiet themselves with the conviction that
they paid for the first year, and on the strength
of that, neglect the printer till he begins to in
quire after the state of their health, pockets, &c.
when they awake to the fact that they are in
arrears, and after a few weeks grunting and
grumbling, they come forward with fifty excu-
ses, and pay the old score. There are many
such newspaper patrons They never dispute
the printers bill, however. They know that
books will tell better stories than treacherous
moss-covered memories. If the printer can
manage to beg his way till these wheel-horses
pay up, he may possibly get along after fash
ion, but it's hazardous dependence. The next
class are the down-hiers. One of these will
Dor persuades him. When it begins to come he
spends no further thoughts upon it. In the
course Of year, if the constable visits him, be
may pay up, grudgingly, but with growls and
with surly looks. An ordinary dun has no more
effect upon him than bullet has on the side of
hippopotamus. The printer can't live with
such men.
The fifth class are the nas cuns a r0sss They
never pay for the paper-nor anything else.-
They are always grumbling at the editor, too.-
They don't like his paper, it don't give no news
never did like it didn't want it in the FIRST
place-told the postmaster so-sent back one q
year ago, and didn't begin to take it for long
time after it come~-havn't had but two or three
numbers, and they hain't been read, and so on
to the end of the chapter.
Thus they talk, but the printer can read all
such like shook" They have niche in his
memory and through the columns of his paper,
to instruct them in their duty and make better
men of them. He finds it an uphill business,
howevet, and soon gives them up-as he should.
The sixth and last class is the scape grace
Everybody knows what a scape grace is. One
of these fellows never tails to take five or six
newspapers. When he thinks they have come
about long enough for the publisher to want his
pay, sends word to stop it" or decamps for
parts unknown. He never intends to pay for it
and don't. 1t doesn't take many such fellows to
starve out the printer.
Such are the varieties of mankind who s'take
the papers,"