Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1860-07-16

"REMINISCENCES.

Oh certain OccaslOn, ABOUT hye years ago,
IN Judge "'s court. 1--WE mean Squire IS
magistrates Ofice,) which had the distin-
guished honor to hold its diurna and nocturnal
sessions somewhere within the legal precincts
of the county of Washington, was performed,
tor the first time, in this city, as the managers
say, seriO-cOmic burletta, rich in incident
and replete with wit and humor. All the
draMatis persona who figured in this judicial
extravaganza are well known TO themselves if
not to the community; and, therefore without
farther orchestral preliminary, We will ring up
and go on.
day in the calender, and our representative of
the sword and scales was seated on his bench
in the efficient exercise of his functions, when
an exasperated scion of the memorable Ham
rushed in, all boiling with his wrongs, and
charged another twig of the ''ebo-shin and
gizzard foot ancestor with having threatened
to dick him. The Judge, in the exuberance Of
bis forensic wisdom, Immediately issued a
United States warrant, (the Government paid,
ay, and paid well, too, for all sorts Of United
States warrants in those golden days,) charg-
ing the defendant with having on the first day
Of April, in the county aforesaid, with malice
prepense, threatened to flick him, the COM
plainant, against the peace and quiet of the
Government of the United States. The Judge
had hardly af6 Xed the j p. to his sign manual
when dozen hungry constables simultaneously
clutched at the precious document knocking
over the inkstand, which emptied its turbid
contents upon the upper portion of his hOnor's
trousers. The warrant, which had been di-
rected to any qualified constable, was finally,
after a desperate struggle, secured by the
strongest official, and this victor, with his
spoil Immediately left the Office and presently
returned, bringing the accused, who insisted
upon a trial instsnter. At this crisis of affairs
the Doctor, who generally practiced at the bar
IN Judge -'s circuit, came into court, and
his invaluable services were instantly secured
for the defence.
As all the parties were present and ready for
trial, the case was opened; and amid profound
silence was read the charge, to which the de-
fence pleaded not guilty The Doctor now
rose, with the bearing of the immortal Web
ster when about to argue an intricate law-point
before the Supreme Court of the United States,
and addressing old basin head, (for such was
the nom de plane Of our modern Mansfeld,)
said
May it please the court The prisoner at
the bar stands, or rather sits, charged before
this honorable tribunal-I will not say solemn
tribunal, because that obese constable there
has his hat on-charged with having threat
ened to ftck-t-o fl-i-c-k, to flick, that is the
verb-the man upon whose information and
oath this charge has been preferred Now,
sir, this strange accusation IL, on the very face
of it, and in the manner of its statement, futile
imbecile, and without any foundation either in
law or in equity; and here in this inceptive
stage of the Investigation, pronounce it unten-
able and without even the most remote corus-
cation OF meaning. l have never, in all my
extensive reading, met with the word flick
Would your honor, therefore, vOuchsafe to in
umate In what edition OF your vocabulary may
be found the word flick for it is a singular
fact that in the forty-odd thousand words of
which the English language is composed, this
word does not appear In any of the ten classi-
hcatiOns. / have searched the records of an
tiquity, dived to the very bottom of bellies let
tres, ransacked, ay, ransacked all the archives
of learning, and cannot find that the word
flick belongs to any language which was ever
spoken by the human tongue. Let US see how
1t would coDjugate as verb actve-transitive,
which part of speech IT Is intended to be used
in this warrant. flick him, thou ftckest him,
he Hicks him. Now let US hear how it will
sound in Latin. the language of scholars
FIieo, fieas, ficat--ftcanIHS, ft6atfS, fieant.
II is evident that to conjugate this verb through
supines, would certainly break or dislocate any
mans jaw bone, or at all events cause him to
stutter for the remainder of his natural exis-
tence. The fact is, sir, 1 am really at a loss to
understand anything at all about the applica
tion of this mystical exotic. Perhaps your
hOnor's literary penetration and sagacity may
throw some illumination upon this benighted
subject, and enable you TO classify the word in
question, and define its meaning. pause for
your hOnor's embarrassment" i"
- will state" replied his honor, ''that al
though / am not blessed with learning and
indeed 1 might say that now speak without
education, yet
g. If your honor will permit me, 1 will state
that a similar event occurred in Balaam's
time, interrupted the doctor.
Yet" continued the SOt dtsant imbodi-
ment of jurisprudence, common sense teaches
that flick means fog"
Then, sir, your preceptor Hs an egregious
an ass as your honor, ct BGIaamis aSinNS erat
BtettoT jHder. Your honor, believe, is not
acquainted with the classics"
No hnt familiar with the -
responded the exponent Of transient judicials -
- In that case your homer must perfectly un-
derstand the allusion which have just made
to a certain long cared quadruped an account
of the colloquial ability Of which may be found
ia that portion of the Bible denominated Num-
bers. decidedly incline to the opinion that
there was a sad mistake made when you were
placed on the bench, for you were evidently
cut out for the desk; and, consequently, as
yOur knowledge of law is confined solely to the
Mosaic jurisprudence. which has no bearing at
all upon the case at issue, insist that you will
immediately, if not sooner, enlarge my client,
and let him 60 Pickering on the wings Of lib
erty."
Here the doctor paused, and, after removing
from his face the excreti0ns caused by the sc
tion Of the cuticular pores, looked inquiringly
at the bewildered justice, who with knowing
smile, declared
"why, doctor, you have just used the word
fteksTIng yourself"
participle from the verb to flicker, which is
derived from the Teutonic gighsuen, and
means, not to Aog nor to bray, but to futter as
some birds do with their wings when in the act
Of flying. SO your honor will have perceived
that between flicker and flick cOnsid bic dis
elimination must be made; the former is en-
tirely different in its photographed, etymo-
logical, synthetical, prosodical, and / may
add. perspicuital application from the latter
which has no grammatical position in any Ian
guage living or dead"
The doctor delivered this response with
bearing that convinced all present Of the pro-
found ignorance Of the court
swell. doctor, / believe after all that YOU
are right: and as you have shown that there Is
no such word as flick, this warrant must fall
and therefore dismiss the case" decided his
honor.
And Tins endad the iudicial farce -------