New Oregon plaindealer. (New Oregon, Iowa) 1859-1866, 1860-12-21

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pen was still empty, One patrit from
a small town in Mishygan went up on
top the house, got in.the chimney and
slid down into the parler WHARF Old Abe
was endeverin to keep a hungry pack Of
orfice seekers from chawin him up alive
without benefit of clergy. The mint
he reached the fire place he jumpt up,
brusht the suit out Of his eyes and yell
ed: Don't make eny pintment at the
Spunkyille postor6ce till you've red my
papers. All the respectful men in our
town is signers to that thare dockyment
Good Godr cride Old Abe, thay
cum upon me frum the skize-down the
chimneys and frum the bowelz Of the
yearth! He hadn't morc'n got them
words out of his delikit mouth be4 two
fat orfcc seekers from Wisconsin, in
endcvern to crawl atween his legs for
the purpose of applyin for the tollgate-
ship at Milwawky, upset the President
eleck e. he would hev gone sprawlen
intu the fireplace if I hadn't caught
him in these arms. But. I hadn't more'n
got him up stlate, before another man
cum crashin down the chimny, his he'd
strikin me vilently agin the inards and
prostratin my voluptoous form onto the
floor. Mr.. Linkin,' shouted the infat-
coated bein, my papers is signed by ev-
cry Clergyman in our town, and like
wise the skoolmaster.
Ssz I, 'yu egrejis ass gittin up &
brsslin the dust from his eyes. Tll
sign your papers with this bunch of
bones, if you don't be little more keer-
full how yu make my bread baskit de-
pot in futer. How do you like that
air perfumcry?' scz I shuving my fist
under his nose. 'Them's the kind of pa
pors I'll give yu! Thcn's the papers
you want!'
But I workt hard for tho ticket; 1
toilcd night 5' day! The patrit should
rewarded'
'Virtoo,' sed I, holdin the infatooatel
man by the kote koller, 'virtoo, sir, is
its own reward. Look at me! lie did
look af me, ond qualed be4 my CASE
The fact is,' I continual, lookin round
on tho hungry crowd, There is scacely
a orice for every lie lamp carril round
durin this campane. l wish thare was
furrin missions to be filled on varis
lonely Islans where cpydemics rage in
cessantly: and if I was in Old Abc's
place I'd send every mothers son of you
to them What air you here for?' 1
continered, warmin up considerable,
csu'tyou give Abe minit's peace?-
Don't you see he's world most to death!
Go home, you miserable men. 80 horie
and till the sile. Go peddlin tinwarc--
60 to chopin wood-go to bilin sope-
stuff sassengers- black boots-git a
clurkship on sum respectable manure
carj-go round as original Swiss Bell
Ringers-becum original & only Camp
bell Minstrels-go to lecturin at so
dollars nitc-imbark in the peanut
bizniss-acrite for the Leger- saw Of
your legs and 80 round givin concerts
with tcchin appeals to charitable pub
lie, printed on your handbill-anything
for an honest ivin', but don't come
round here drivin oil Abe crazy by
your outrajis cuttings'up! Go home
Stand not upon the order your goin, but
60 to onct! Ifin five minits from this
time sez I, pullin out my new sixteen
dollar huntin case watch, and branishin
it before their eyes, 'Efia five minits
from this time single sole of you re
mains on these here premises, I'll so
out to my cage near by, and let my Boy
Constructor loose! f. if he gifts amung
you, you, you'll think Old Solferino has
cum agin T. no mistaken You ought
to hev seen them scamper, Mr. Fair
They run orr as tho Satan himself was
arter them with red hot ten prong
pitchfork. In five minits the premises
was clear.
How kin I ever repay you, Mr.. Ward
for your kindness! sed Old Abe, advan