The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-01-11

Hoggis1,. ... ..
The following very amusing article W.
find in our Post Office Box Its hits are SC
general that no person or party can well ex.
cept to them. The article fairly lristle,
with humor:] ....
EDITOR TINES Tho statistics of the
pork trade at this point would be an item
of considerable interest, both to your towr
and country readers. The receipts mus
have been large, during the months of No
vember and December, and they will prob
ably be annually increased, until we have a
young Porkopolis here on the west side Of
the Mississippi. Prices have ruled high
higher, in fact, t..an in Milwaukee, after de.
Quoting freight and shrinkage. Few buyers
here have made anything on pork; the far.
mers, however, have got first-ratc prices
so let it go.
I.acon says that she that drinks beer
thinks beer.' Pope, or somebody else, says,
"Who sells fat oxen should himself be fat"
By the same analogy Of reasoning, he who
buys hog, handles hog, and sells hog, should
think and act hog. According to the theory
Of the somewhat Anticipated, yet celebrated
work of Sir Richard Vivian, the hog is the
type of humanity, and man, but develop
ment of that type. There appears to be
some pla,ssibllity in that theory when we
consider the aoy-ishness Of some of our
species, mot among the hog buyers, of
course,) and the declarations of disappoint-
ed office-seekers, who dcclaim against the
spiaish multitude.
Perhaps then, Mr.. Editor, we may con-
slider the hog politician on an enlarged
scale. To be sure he don't make stump
speeches, nor lay pipe, nor circulate roor-
backs, on the eve of an election; but like
some of our modern politicians, he gets
sometimes into hole that he can't get out
of again. There appears to be diversity
of opinion as to what party he belongs to-
some placing him with the Native American
Know-Nothing party, seeing that he is to
the "manor born;' my own opinion, how
ever, is that he belongs to the Republican
party-for, like them, he has seven princi-
pies, viz: the five loaves and the two small
fishes; and, whether white or black, he goes
in for the largest liberty-"free soil" The
quadrupcd is fast trcading on the heels of
the biped, and am not sure, COL, but in
these days of liberal principles, he should
be entitled to a vote.
There is another thing about him. He is
a life-mcnbcr of oil the Temperance Soce-
ties extant-a regular Washingtonian, Son
Of Temperance and Rechabitc-cold water
is his Gin, and buttermilk his Champagne !;
still he has been most grossly slandered by
that impertincnt old saying, "As drunk as
Davy's SOW" ssa 0re
He and JOHN BRowN are the only crea-
lures that know of that improve by hang
ing. Take a common man, or dog, and
they are not worth half as much, after 60
ing through that delicate operation; but he
becomes Lord Bacon, philosophically, and
Ha~-pden, and martyr, in Political Gas
tronomy. . .,...
1t is even said that he is partly aping gen.
tility, and claims to belong to the aristocra-
cy; to be sure he don't laugh, but he en-
joys the next best blessing of humanity
a disposition to grow fat. He can't whistle
his mouth amt fixed for it, he can't pre-
pare to pucker-and perhaps the grown-up
specimens cannot play on the Piano, but,
Mr.. Editor, you take litter of little porcine
responsibilities, put them in box, tie
string to each Of their tails and a key to
each of the strings, and my word for it, they
will discourse most eloquent music. Every
observer must have noticed that during the
past summer, in the face and eyes of most
rigid Hog Law, he would turn up his caudal
extremity, and promenade our streets with
all the dignity and case Of a Broadway
dandy or dandyzctte. While every man,
woman and child in McGregor has to work,
he cont work-you can't make him work
he is gentleman!
After the most profound cogitations on
this important subject, Mr.. Editor, l have
come to the conclusion that if man will
not be man, he had better be- hog.
AHOG BUYER.
McGREeon, Jan. 7th, 1850.