The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1860-12-12
Squire Rioher's Cow.

'Good lookin' COW, that, Squire Richer
Want to selll"
We'll, dunno. Want to buyi
THAT depends on the price. What'lI you
sell her fori'
MAKE me an Offer
wall, 'spose she's worth eighteen Or
twenty dollars. Somewhere about that
'Eigh teen or twenty dollars! Land soul
Mr.. Smith! Why, that COW is the rea
Durham, Cheshire short horn-the best
breed in the world, you know
She! you don't say so, though, do yet
Strange. now, I didn't notice it. Come from
tbs town Of Short Horn, chg
Land soul, no, Mr.. Smith. She wal
owned BY "a man by the name Of Shefl
Horny, and they called her Short Horn
you know, cause Horny was too long to
speak. The man that raised her was an
English or Irish, forgot which. So you
see the cows furrlner. I reported her
myself from the continent
'She! Why, never ha' heard word oil
it. Kept it private, didn't ye, Squirep
'Wall, yes, rather. W see it's the times
Of the Know. Nothing agitation, aud ye know
I'm candidate for selectman in my town
so was afraid if the people found out tina,
l was bringin' furren COW over here, they d
turn right out and sple my election. You
know they're down on furriners.'
wall, declare, Squire, you're sharp
But the cow can speak-that is, roar Eng
lish, can't she?'
'Sartin! Just like any other COW. And
now, neighbor Smith, if you want to buy q
grand, good COW, one thut'll give twenty-five
quarts of milk day, and make ten pounds oi
butter week, you'll never get such another
chence. / wouldn't part with her at no
price to any other man, but you and hsve
alters been good friends, and l don't mind
sacrificing few pultry dollars to oblge you.
You may have that Durham Cheshier shor,
horn COW, bred somewhere in Victoria's do
mnions, for the sum of forty.fve dollars.
Dog cheap
Forty. five dollars! Oh! Squire. you must
think I'm made of money. never can Of
ford to give that. Say forty, and I'll think
about it,
wall, Mr.. Smith, you're tight hand at
hos - hut I MI e.,
few paItry dollars. You may have the COW
for fortyP
The moneys yourn.' ..--...-.... -....- ....-
'The cows your'n.'
There, reader, that's the way Mr.. John
Smith happened to become the owner of the
Durham, short horn 'furren' COW 'reported,
from the Continent by James Richer, just
ice of the peace for Stafford county, State
of New Hampshire. Now for further par.
ticulars.
Mr.. Smith drove his purchase home much
elated with the acquisition, end when night
came he would not permit his daughter Jane
to milk the short horn with the other cows;
he must perform the pleasure and highly in.
teresting job himself on three legged stool
at the side of the short horn, and placing a
fifteen quart wooden pail at the proper angle,
commenced the process. In less than
second he had the pail brm full, for the
short horn not probably relishing the slow,
old fashioned method Of filling the pail with
milk, concluded to save Mr.. Smith consid.
erabe trouble, and accordingly set both her
hind feet into the devoted pail, giving Mr..
Smith smart whisk with her stub tail at
the came time!
Mr.. Smith tried to dislodge the obtruding
feet, but to bis dismay he found them fix.
ture. On furthe. examination, he ascertain
ed that the feet had quietly knocked out the
bottom of the pail, and the legs of the short
horn were firmly hooped together. He
pulled and hauled at the refractory legs, but
all to no purpose: they were bound to stick.
So Mr.. Smith, as last resort, applied a
Ratchet tc the pail, and rent it in twain. Out
few short horns understandings, and by
way of examination into their safety, she
let 90 first one and then the other whack
against Mr.. Smiths ankle bone. Over went
Smith and the three-legged milk stool bounc.
ing after him-his head in fragrant mud
puddle, and his feet elevated 10 'the elastic
fluid which surrounds the earth.' He
screamed to Simon Mildmay, his hired man,
to come to the rescue; but Simon was en-
gagged just then in the interesting business
Of kissing Jane Smith behind the brindle
COW she was milking, and it was some time
before he responded to the call.
When Mr., Smith was once more raised to
the perpendicular, he swOre few easy
words, looked sadly at the Durham Cheshier
short horn, and went to Mrs. Smith to get
the wounded limb bound up. From that
worthy lady he received but little consola.
tion.
4 alters told you, Smith," said she, 'to
keep clear Of Squire Richer; he's a torment.
ed speculator and allers will get the best
end of bargain. He got cheated once,
when ne married his wife, and that's some
comfort. He wanted to have me once; but
good luck! I'D as soon thrown myself into
the mill pond and committed suicide. Dear
sake, this cloth amt half big enough to
reach round yer leg now. Wait till ! sew
1t together. alters knowed--it has been
beat into me for morn year, that Squire