Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1860-10-18
ARTEMUS WARD SEES THE
PRINCE OF WALES.

1
cradle life. cawt a glimps of him as be
sot on the Pizarro of the hotel in Sarnia,
& elbowd myself threw crowd of wimin,
children, sogers q 1njins that was hangin
round the tavern. 1 was DRAWN near to
the Prince when a red fased man in Mil
lingtery close GRABBED holt of me and axed
me WHARF l was goin all so bold!
''To see Albert Edard the Prince of
Wales" sez l "who be your
He sed be was Kurnal of the Seventy
Fust Regiment Her Majesty's troops. l
told him hoped the Seventy Oneters was
in good health, and was passin by when he
ceased hold of me agin, and sed 10 tone
of midget cirprise;
"Whatl Impossible! It kannot be +!
Blarst my hize, sir, did l understan' you TO
say that you was actooally gOin' into the
presents of his Royal Iniss9'
"That's what's the matter with me-"
replied.
"But blarst my hize, sir, its onprecedcn-
ted. Its orful, sir. Nothing like it hain't
happened sins the Gun Powder Plot of
Guy Forks. Owdashus man, who are
youl
"Sir," sez l, drawin myself up & putin
on defiant air, +" line Amerycan Glitter
zen. My name is Ward. line husband
d father of twins, which line happy to
state that they look like me. By perfesh-
un Ime exhibiter of wax works and sich."
"Good God" yelled the kurnal, "the
idee of a exhibitor of wax figgers goin into
the presents of Royalty! The British Lii
on may well roar with rage at the thawt"
Sez l, Speaking of the British Lion,
Kurnel, Ide like to make bargain with
you for that beast for few weeks to add
to my show" I diden' meen nothing by
this. l was only gettin orf a COAX but yu
orter have seen the old Kurnal jump up &
howl. He actooally foamed at the inowth.
"This can't be real," be showted. mo,
no. Its korrid dream. Sir, you air rot
human bein-you have no existents-
yure Mythp T
"Wall," sez 1, "old boss, yule find me
ruther Uncomfortable Myth eff you punch
my iuards in that way again I begin to
get little riled, for when be called me
Myth he punched me purity hard. The
Kurnal now commenst showtin fur the
Seventy Oneters. at fust thawt Ide stay
and become Marter to British Outraie, as
sich course might get my name up & be
a good advertisement fur my show, but it
occurred to me that if any of the Seventy
Oneters should happen to insert barronet
into my stummick, it mite be unpleasant,
& was on the pint of runnin orr, when
the Prince hisself kum up and axed me
what the matter was. Sez l "Albert Ed
ard" is that yu?" and he smilt d sed it
was. Sez l, "Albert Edard, hears my
keerd. l KUN to pay my respects to The
futer King of Ingland. The Kurnal of the
Seventy Oneters hear is ruther smawl per-
taters, but of course you aint to blame for
that. He put on as many air as the he
war the Bully Boy with the glass eye."
"Never mind" sez Albert Edard, "Ime
glad to see you Mr.. Ward, at all events"
and he took my hand so PLEASANT like, and
larfed so sweet that fell in love with him
to onct. He handed me a segar and we
sot down on the Pizarro & CONNECT smok-
in right cheerful.
"Wall," sez /, "Albert Edard, how's the
old folks?"
"Her Majesty &, the Prince are well" be
sed. .-.
"Does the old man take his Lager Beer
reglar?" 1 inquired.
The Prince larfed & intimated that the |
old man didn't let many kegs of that bev-
erage spile in the cellar in the course of
yere. We sot and tawkt there some time
about matters & things, & bimeby l axed |
him how be liked bein' Prince as fur as
heed got. .
'To speak plain, Mister Ward" be sed,
II don't much like it. line sick of all this |
bowin & scrapin & scrawlin & hurrain over
a boy like me. wood rather go threw
the country quietly & and enjoy my self in
my own way, with the other boys, and not
to be made Show of to be garped at by
everybody. When the people cheer me
[ feel pleased, for know they mean it,
but if these one-hoss ofishuls Good know
how l see threw all their moves & under
stand exactly what they are after, & know
ed how larft at at EN- in private, thayd
stop kisin my hands & fawnin over me as
,hey now do. But you know Mister Ward
[ can't help bein Prince, & l must do all
kin to fit myself for the persishun l must
sometime ockepy."
"Tha't troo," seq !, sickness and the
doctors will carr% the Queen orf one of these
lase, sure yer born"
The time haven arove fur me to take my
leparter l rose up & sed, "Albert Edward,
must go, but previs to doin so will OBJ
arve that you SCOT me. Yure good,
eller Albert Edward, & tho Ime agin
Princes as gineral thing, l must say l
ike the cut Of yure Glib. When you git
o be King try and be as good man as
'ure muther has bin. Be just & be Jen-
rus. especially to showmen, who hev alters
lin aboozed sins the days of Noah, who
vas the fust man to 60 into the Menagery
'izness, d eff the daily papers of his time
ire TO be believed Noah's colleckshun of
ivin wild beasts beet anything ever seen
ins, tho make bold to dowt ef his snaiks
vas ahead of mine. Albert Edward, adoo!
TUX his hand which he shook warmly, &
'iven him perpetooel free pars to my
how, d also parses to take home for the
queen d Old Albert, put on my hat q