Pomeroy weekly telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy, Meigs County, Ohio) 1860-1866, 1860-01-03
Mi rllang.
Divorced by mistake.

in lore With pretty woinan-he wishe.
70 be divorced from his bad wife, SO tha
he might marry the pretty woman, who
BY the way, was widow, with black eye
and such a. form! Therefore Jones cam
to Trenton fora divorce. l8It@ ss8
Smith had good wifangood as an an
gel, and the mother of ID children, AM
Smith did notwant to be divorced but dit
want to get charter for turnpike o
plank road to extend from Pigs Run t.
Terrapine Hollow.
Well, they, with these different errand
came to Trenton, and addressed the as
sembled wisdom with the usual argu
ments. First, suppers mainly composed
ofoysters with rich back ground of ven
ison; second, liquors in great plenty, from
Jersey lightning" which is kind of ;
locomotive at full speed, reduced to hquo
shape, to Newark champagne.
To speak in plain prose, the divorc'
man, gayea champagne supper, and Smith
the turnpike man, followed with cham
pagne breakfast. under the modifying in
fuence of which the assembled wisdom
passed both the divorce and turnpike bill
~--and j ones and Smith, with copy ofeacf
bill in their pockets, went rejoicing home
over miles of sand, and through the tribu
lation of many stage coaches.
Smith arrived home in the evening, anc
as he sat down in the palAor, his pretty
wife beside him-how pretty she did look
--andsfve ofthe children everhearing the
otheffye studying their lessons in the
corner Of the room, Smith was induced te
expatiate upon Che good result Of his mis-
sion to Trenton.
aA A turnpike, my dear; and I am one Of
the Directors, and will be President. Il
viii set me up, love; we can send our chill
dren to boarding school, and live in style
out of the toll. Here is the charter,
honey
Let mesee Il said the pretty little
wife who was one of the incest Of wives,
with plnmpness aud goodness dimpling all
over her face let me see il, asshe leaned
over Nj. Smiths shoulder.
But all at once Smiths visage grew
long; Smith s wife s, Fisage grew black
Smith was not profane, but now he ripped
out an awful oath
ssBlast us, wife, those internal seouns
drels at Trenton have gone and divorced
us."
It was too true; the parchment which
he held was a bill of divorce, in which the
name of Smith and Smith s wife appeared
in frightfully legible letters
Mrs Smith wiped hereyes with the cor
ner of her apron.
"Here is a turnpike" she said sadly,
s'and with the whole. of our ten children
staring me in the face, I amt your wife!
Here's turnpike"
BLAST the pike and the Legislature
and"
Well, the fact is that Smith reduced to
single blessedness, enacted into asstranger
ts hisownwife, swore awfully.E Although
the night was dark, and most of the deni-
gems of Smiths town had gone to bed,
Smith bid his late wife to put on her bon
net, and arm in arm they proceeded to the
Clergyman of their church y q.
,sGoodness bless mel! exclaimed the
good man, as he saw them enter, Smith 5
wife wiping her eyes with the corner Of
her apron geodnes tell me, what is the
NATTER
s.The matter is [ want you to marry us
two right off, replied Smith. -,
aMarry you!' CALCULATED the clergyman,
with expanded fingers and awful eyes,
.sare you drunk OF what is the matter with
iyou2n
However, he finally married them over
straightway, and would not take fee
The fact is, grave as he was, he was dying
to be alone, that he might give vent to a
suppressed laugh that was shaking him
aIf over; and Smith and his wife went joy
fully home and kissed all their children.
The little Smith s never knew that their
father and mother had ever been made
strangers to each other by legislativeen
actment, - fy r
Meanwhile, and on the same night,
Jones, returned to his native townBnr-
lington, Ibelieve and sought at oneet the
fine black eyes which he had hoped
shortlytocall hisown. The pretty widow
sat on the sofa, white kerchief tied care
lessly about her round white throat, her
black hair laid an silky waves against each
rosy check.
divorce IS the word, cried Jones,
playfully patting her double chiH;s'the
fact is, Eliza, Tn rid of that cursed Wo-
man, and you and T Il be married might.
I know hoR TO manage those scoundrels
at Trenton. "A champagne supper r-or
Hasi ii breakfast did the business forthem.
Put on your bonnet, and LET us go to the
preachers at once, dearest
The widow, who was among widows as
peaches among apples, put on her bonnet
and took Jones arm, and
Just look how hapdsop4e tits put on
parchmenti cried jones pulling out the
document before hef; sshere is the law that
Aays that Jacob Jones and Ann Carolina
Jones are two 2 sz
Putting her pfun1p gloyed hand on his.
shoulder She didglo3k at It.
SsDh. dear!'5 she said, with her rosy lips,
and sankback half fainting on the sofa:7
a0k sblaaes!' cried ones, and sank be-:
side Ier, rushing the fatal parchment in
his hand: there's a lot of happiness and
ehampaea,e gone to ruin.
4twas q Hard case Instead of being
Divorce. Iaad at liberty to marry the
widow Jacob Jones was simply, by the
Lecislsfure Of New Jersey, incorporated
iT,t6 & turnpike conspany, and what made
4 wok sfthorized to raa from Burling-
san pistol. When you reflect that
ii and Bristol are located just q
te sidesef the Dele
e