The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-03-10
.eTAhiskSess4Ahols in the crown Of


- - =
.EAhishSess-Ah hole in the crown Of
your hat.
u S1siAe 4. cellar nearly Anishsd,
wd{gish fsll6W rsnafked that Is Was IN a.
sellent foundation for story.
a. There is man sin England 90 fat
that child was recently killed BY his
shadow falling on it.
G. A Frenchman wishing to speak Of the
cream Of the English poets, forgot the
words, and said, de butter Of. Do posts.n
e. "Pve risen from The bar 70 The
bench" said . lawyer. on quitting ths pre-
fession and taking up shoemskins.
e. Why was Lavater likely to BE- good
soldisr2 Because hs could write about
face.
O. The boy who lost his balance on the
roof, found it on the ground shortly after
wsfd. avon
20 Dempster reduces every thing to
mathematics. He got married because
kissing saved fifty per cent. on his sugar
tai. Old bachelors will please notice.
CO A farmer. in Iowa, sowing fold Of
turnips, sppropsisted alfidee for the 40
commodation q the public. with this label.
You are requested to steal out Of this spot.
w"Ma, il goa give me an spple will
bsgeod." ss No, my child, you must not
be good for pay-you ought to be good for
nothing"
O. An dfishnsn fights before he )rsa-
sons: A Scotcbman reasons before be fights
aYankes is not particular do either to
suit hls customers gT Eg
T"Mrs. Smith, the court would ask,
have you marriage certificate ?"
"Yes, your honor, three on 'em-two
gals and boy"
e. hsvs learned the profoundtruth
Gays Alderman johnson, from eating turtle,
that it shows most depraved taste to mock
anything for its greenness." 81 49,. T
c. In describing spurious bill, bank
!
which can eas y be distinguished, the fe.
male in the left lower corner has Key,
while in the genuine she has Sickle" aa o..
~" Buy trunk, Pat 20 said dealer.
And what for should buy trunk ?"
sejoinsd Pat.
"To put your clothes in,' was the reply.
80 And 70 naked! The devil bit iv it."
CO Give me death, or give, me Helen!
WHATS life without Helen ?-and what's
Helen without life ?-Then give me death,
or give me Helen with decided prefer
ence for Helen. So says our D-l.
"~ What's the matter With that menv'
asked passer-by, a. he recognized o fel-
low in the gutter.
"He's slewed."
.'Who slew him p" ms49ags sar
"Old jamaica"
60 "Ah," said an Englishman, the
other day, 81 belong to country upon
which the sun never sets.'' +" And )" said
q Yankee, "belong to country of which
there can be no correct map-it grows so
fast that surveyors can't keep up with it,"
ass d, sssz4l --------s - = So IS. 4
CT The first Lord Lyttleton was very
absent minded in company, and when he fell
into the river by the ,upsetting of boat At
Hagley, it is said Of him that "he bad sunk
twice before he recollected that he could
SWIM"
ca A Country schoolmaster had a hun.
dred boys and no assistant. 81 wonder
how you manage them, without an assist
ant" said friend. Sab, sir" was the
answer 81 could manage tho hundred boys
we'll enough; it's the two hundred parents
who trouble me-there's no managing them.
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cTA good anecdots is told of an old
Methodist preacher, who rode circuit
few years ago. While going to one of his
appointments, he met an old acquaintance,
who was one of the magistrates of the
county. He asked the minister why he
didn't do as the Savior did-ride an ass.
''Becnuse" said the divine, "the people
have taken them all to make magistrates
o1'"lIUIia Y. {. Ll-Jd ~
CO Neigbbor Wilson caught cooper
stealing some hoop poles, which he had just
got ready for market. The cooper was as
founded and offered farmer W. $40 not to
mention the fact; which proposition, duly
backed by the money, was excepted. But
the same evening, when Mr.. Wilson, the
cooper, and q lot of friends and neighbors
were talking politics at the village grocery,
the farmer turned to friend and asked :.
"Did | ever tell you, neighbor jerks,
that l had caught the cooper, here, stealing
my hoop poles %
"You never did,"
"Well, then, never W II, 'said Mr. Will
son, "for the cooper here gave me this $40 |
bill, and Ipromised l wouldn't.
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