Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1860-11-12

Artemus Wards Visit TO Salt Lake-His
Interview with Brigham Young and his
Wfves-The Showman's Troubles with
the Mormon Women.
Artemus Wards so-called humor we can
not like; believing that the wit dependent
on absurd spelling and studied slaughter of
the English language, must be of very poor
sort. However, as there are those who
fancy the showman's gibberish, and as all
kinds of tastes are to be found among news
paper-readers we append Artemus's last
effusion, which we clip from VdRiw Fair: b.. g
1t is now goin on (too) yeres, as l very
well remember, since ! crossed the Planes
for Kaliforny, the Brite land of Jold. While
crossin the Planes all so bold / fell in with
sum noble red men of the forest IN. 3. This
is rOte Sarcasticul. Injins is Pizin, whar
ever found,) which they Sed was their
Brother, l. wantid for to smoke the Calomel
of Peace with me- Thay then stole my jerkt
beef blankits, etsettery, skalpt my origin
grinder and scooted with a Wild Hoop,
Durin the Cheats techin speech he sed he
shood meet me in the happy Huntin Grounds.
If heduz thare will be a fite. But enuff of
this ere. Reven Moose Muttons, as our skool-
master, who has got Talent into him, cussy-
calIy observes.
arrove at Salt Lake in doc time, At
Camp Scott thare was lot of U. 8. soiers,
hosstensibly sent out thsre to smash the
mormons but really to eat Salt Vittles &
play poker b other beautiful but sumwhat
Onsartin games got acquainted with sum
of the officers. They lookt putty scrumpshus
in their Bloc coats with brass outings onto
um AWARE very talented drinkers, but so
fur as ftin is consarned Ide willinly put nv
wax fggers agin the hull party.
My desire was TO exhibit my CRATE show
in Salt Lake City, so l called on Brigham
Young, the CRATE mogull amung the NOR
minis, and axed his permishun to pitch my
tent and onferl my banner TO the jentle
breezis. He loOkt at me in a austeer manner
for a few minits & sed.
"Do you bleeVe in Solomon, Saint Paul,
the immaculateness of the Mormin Church
and the Latter-day Revelashunsp
Sez ], lime on itp make it q pint to
git along plesunt, tho / didn't know what
under the Son the old feller was drivin' at.
He said might show.
"You air a marrid man Mister Yung,
bleeye2' SEE I, preparin to rite him sum free
parsis.
"I hev eighty wives, Mister Ward. SER
tinly am marrid."
"How do you like it as fur as you hey
got 2" sed |.
He sed "middlin," and axed me wouldn't
/ like TO see his famerly, to which | replide
that wouldn't mind minglin' with the fair
Seek Barskin in the winnin' smiles of his
interestin' wives He accordinly TUX me TO
his Scareum. The house is powerful big &
in exceedin' large room was his wives and
children, which larst was squakwin and hol-
lerin enuh to take the roof rite orf the house.
The wimin was of all sizes and ages Sum
was pretty 4 sum was plane-sum was helthy
& sum was on the Wayne-which is verses,
tho sich was not my intenshuns, as don't
prove Of putin verses in Proze ritins, tho
et oeeashun requires, can Jerk Poim ekal
to any Of them Atlantic Munthly fellers.
Ny wives, Mister Ward, sed Yung.
Your sarTant, marms," sed |, as | sot
down IN cheer which q red-heded female
bTawt me.
Besides these wives you see here, Mister
WARD sed fung, Il heV eighty more in
yarisparts OF this eonscreeated land which air
Sealed 10 me" -
y Which ~ seal, gittin up & starein at him.
y "Sealed, Sir, sealed"
"Whare bowtsp SEE l.
"Ised, Sir, that they was sealedn He spoke
In tTaggerdy voice.
"Will thay probly continue on in that
stile to any CRATE extent, Strip axed.
"SiI,N said be turnin' as red as q bileC
beet, eDon't you know that the rules of on
Church is that ], the Profit, may heY q
meny wives as | Wants2n ~
"Jes 90" i said. HYou air old pie, aim
youP ~ 40
Them as is Sealed TO me--that Is TO say
10 be mine when ! wants um--air at preaent
my sPerretooul wives" sed Mi1ter Y1ng.