Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-03-03
$1.5O A YEAR.

every word and sentence slid ont like
slXers out of candle moles, and the
motion he made with his hands, as
graceful as the rise and fall of a hull
washin on a slack close line.
From sittin so long and havin moth
in but .iammed doughnuts for lunch,
the peace the old man was speaking
nearly put me asleep, and so 7 pulled
out one of the papers from his bundle
and found that the whole pile was
New York Legers. read: @
''Edward Everitt, our old and very
respectable citizen Of New England, a
ripe scholar and tip-top speaker, hesiu
spoken the same peace on WaShingtom
near hundred times, and being yer-
tenary surgeon 20 the whole union,
will be "Our own correspondent" and
travelling agent. He will examine The
crack of Mason and Dixon's line from
one end to tother, and write exclusive
ly for the Leger The Crack papers
will make the Leger the great paper of
the world, for which Bonner pays tho
sum of O,OOO towards the purchase
of Billy Patterson's Grave"
''Ihe rest of this interesting arraur-
ment will be found in the next Leger,
sold by all the nlzc agents thro-out the
world"
"Gee Whicketyr' seq I, "This old
coyy IS the great union saver, Edward
Everltt! lie too is interested i'll strad-
ding this crack and holding this kon-
sern together!
BY this time, as / had tied one coat
tail to an oak grub on one side of the
crack and the other coat tail on the
other side of it, to keep the union from
splittin suddenly, I began to git tired
and stiff with sittin, and sat my wits
to wsrk how should manage. was
afraid | should katch cold on the damp
ground and hev the information in my
vitals. Slippin my coat off slyly, l
jumped up and shouted for the union
and Everitt You should hev seen the
old man when he saw his augience so
excited by his peace he was speakir.-
He got the Union on his shoulders ands
the American eagle and posterity top o
that with tail and wings SPREAD one
foot in the lakes and the other in the
gulf of Mexico and wiping his bill OF
the national heights Of Kingdom kun.
Sez I to myself, ''Pluggins!' sez I,
'sittin straddle Of that crack is hard
way to the presidency and nothing but
dough nuts for lunch. The kussed kon-
surn is bound to split and divide that
coat of yourn, into slivers. This old
man would give suthin handsome to sit
straddle Of the crack and preserve the
Union. Let him dew it. He'll be
be split i'll teW, and one the less aspir-
ants for the presidency out Of the way
of Pluggins.''
cold cock" sez l.
"What ?" sez he.
"You love our glorious union ?" sez
"Aajesticaly," sez he.
'Do you want to presarve it?' sell.
''Until the last eend Of time," sez he.
''You ken dew it easy" sez I, ''and be
president" sez J., "intew the bargin.
I'll fix it.''
Whereupon Ed sot down straddlo
the crack, one leg north and the tother
south, and his coat-tails parted, en-
blematical Of the tew sections yet Join
ed in one. The two tails have a com.
mon collar and common destiney.
"Your legs" sez I, care tew sections,
but they jine traternally where the
spine begins, and one heart sustains
ALL" -
'sAdmirable!". .sez he, 'I'u put that in
the scrack Papers and send to the Leu
en-. Go ahead"
With an axe druv pins down by
each side Of the crack, and made his
coat tails fast. [ then got ropes and
got about twenty niggers tied to one,
and one fifth as many whites tied to
the other, and then druv pins thro all
their coat tails, men and wimmen,
and tied his hands tew two saplines
each side.
''The Union is safe!' sez I, and we
all shouted. Placin my remaining
dough nuts where Ed could bend over
his head and help himself, l sung
strain Of 'When shall we all meet
again." and put off west OH the crack
to put new plan in operation which
had popped into my head.
The konklusion Of this thrilling ac-
count to be found in the Free Denn.y-
krat.
ENOX PLUGGlNS.