The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-06-06
Women Doctors.

" OA4AVA A~OOUS46s
| would like to be doctor for q
short time, for the special purpose of
prescribing for number of persons
not thousand niles from our square.
| thought of it last night, and almost
decided that / would make immediate
preparations for attending a Medical
College, don't care what kind of q
one, whether "Old School," or New
School," so long as can march forth
from it, with legal M. D. attached
to my name.
Mr. M, over the way would en-
ploy me, when attacked by his never
ending ills; during which time be has
every tongue in the house tied-door
BELLS dinner BELLS and baby's; orders
the hinges of all the doors creased
compels the servants to go about in
their stocking feet, screams like ma
MAC if Mrs. NJ. speaks above whisper
or turnes the leaf of the book which
she slyly reads at the foot of the bed.
Yes Mr.. M. would want to test the
woman doctors" skill, as matter of
course, and in return, wouldn't / cure
him of the TYPOS? I'd order him
completely wrapped up, from head to
foot, in huge mustard. seed poultice,
I'd give him jalap for breakfast, castor
oil for dinner, and thorough emitic
for supper, besides extra powders be-
tween meals, until his fdgety fits were
entirely routed. During his conva-
lescence. | would recommend him to
rock the cradle for exercise.
The old bachelor who lives just
around the corner, who is troubled
with spells of depression and clinch-
ing of the hands over his purse, /
would order fashionable, good-na-
tured wife and III wager that his
money wouldn't go faster than bis
strange depressions of mind.
The maiden lady at No. FIVE when !!
"She can't bear much-she is dreadful
weak-sonstitution all broken down,
can't take but little medicine, some-
thing very gentle and soothing. ]
don't know; | think | would have her
rolled up, of course, very carefully, in
a soft, tallowed muslin sheet; | would
give her daily, for drink, half wine
glass of diluted catnip tea; and four
kernels of rice made iato a broth for
diet-said broth to be eaten with q
one-tined fork. When she grew lit
tie stronger, | would order her gen.
uine, out-and-out love-letter, contain
iCg an offer of marriage. | haven't a
doubt bat what she would be on the
street in less than three days, aud o {!
wouldn't nay fame be on the rise
Mrs Rs. eldest son and heir | /
can't think what I could give him that
would be sufficiently powerful. 1
doubt not three rubbings per day in
strong cow-itch, would bring him to
his senses /; if not I'd make him swal-
low my ddle-bags-bottles and all.
Patient, meek-eyed, hopeful Mrs.
S., l should be obliged to doctor in an
indirect manner +; which would be to
give her husband a dose of arsenic,
and send her three great, lazy, rough
boys to jail. | know her cheeks would
redden again-her step 'regain its elias
ITCHY and her eye its brightness, if
these three killing causes of her illness
we're removed.
If Mr.. W. who lives with his moth
er at the end of the street, should con-
suit me, should-take his hand, pro-
vided be offered it to me-feel his
pulse, give him an effectual medicine
for the heart professionalism his
head-when he vomited, as matter
of course--apply delicate salve to bis
parched lips, (honey suckle) --diet him
on onions, (Unions) vegetable, Amer
lean or matrimonial, just as be prefer
red, aud if obliged to call counsel,
should bring in the parson. Then if
his troubles should increase in the way
OF parsons, (pa'S Sons) | r-a-t-h-e-r
think should order him a spGnker