The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1860-07-14
lwntiep for the Richmond pisPa'eH'i
THE MUSTARD P l. STER
STORY Fog yEGY YOUNG MEN.

Ye who listen win credulity to the bland
i.h5nentS Of the eitcrN e>cent CD amp payne or the
te.i...ns gurgiiag " Mono Gaheia "a ii rma-
mates iron tDH circular aperture Of an ear'hen
;ue. tad ~ho ioollshiy imagine mat me enter
..i.nfe.r NJ u l.icht Will be attended by no uD-
pheasant conseq urnces on the morrow, attend
Is Ee his tory, not of Rasseias, Prince OF Abys-
sI.is, but TO The story of the NJ usiard PLASTER
II great city, Al time "hen the writer Oh
THIS uarIa i've vas much younger ana far less
" i-- 4atu hr IS Uow, 1t happened on certain
dismal sunday evening that friend called 10
set. RAJ m ~ mis- lodgings III clearinghouse -
Now ne one friend being as blue aud mlSera-
.I. As ne other aud both being very silly,
The. took Il lulo heir skulls TO 80 forth upon
The street 80 see what they might see, and do
",vha,eyer tary id pleased II was exceed
IugIv cold. and exceedingly clear. The brac-
.ny weather. The star That came oat as the
evening SHADES began 70 fai4, and the brilliant
Ii.at Of the gas lamps, ought to have been
enough 10 cheer u - the yonug rtpscalllohs,aho
y. sgla have been, if, like sensible people, ihey
lta walked rapidly and briskly along for TWO
81. rhIc- miles But this they did not do. In
stead OF "A natural. they sought an unnatural,
al artificial, ntIcIng M nFiuhs slmuIahI
They vent iulo the first restaurant they
came ta and took drink. They felt better
TI.y l4pged lato an oyster cellar, and took
u,tarr driuK They felt sun better. a ihird
driuN vas aiken, aud Il lourth, a titLn, a SIKH
AMI alter that they ceased t. count Them. Had
lAc Eetthar been less cold, fhey must nave
fallen sic AZ drunk in the streets Ii they had
been thus Fortunate, The WatchInen would
have carried them Ia the cage, aud the lesson
would have las teu them thruugh lie In con-
sequence II the intense cold, however, the
eu,iirss pO atoms OF which they partook served
uuiy 10 make Them log uaclouS. so mat alter
they hai drama right and left, first one side
aud then the other OF fully mile ana hail
OF street they were enabled 10 sit down very
saeadiiy on the wharf. and there 10 Indulge III
Stn1us aud noHseusical gabbie TO their hearts
content, experiencing no III ehects Whatever
from he cold; on the contrary, deriving btne-
fiji from IT, for every moment they sat there
taey were brea:hinga away the inordlnate yuan
tItf Of alcohol Win which their young stom-
arAs were loaded.
n4x long they sat there what made them
get M aud leave, how they got back TO the
h4aritag-uousc aud whether they took any
more drinks eli the way, is unknown to AT
least one OF them-to myself All was, and
must forever remain to me, horrId blank.
II friend left me at the front door. l reme!n-
Der opening lhts door win my nlght-latth Key,
;tud the next thing / knew was standing at
the dor U! my room, TWO stories higher. |
didn't feel very drunk. L went IN my room,
lit my lamp, took look abound things looked
very natural. l must have been tolerably So
Der. Pulled oil my coat and vest without
much difficulty. II was too much trouble TO
pgtInem on Il chair, so dropped them on the
ioar. Found that my cra'at was tied IN a
nard knot mo matter; III slcap in it,"
Tired to pull off my boots. Right loot came
of about half way, and there stopped. l
pulled and pulled, but 1t wouldn't bulge
Tried the left boot That served me precisely
in the same way. Then l took deliberate
survey OF both boots, half off and half on
aud Laen-" LIS all a matter OF taste,' said l,
This slice ping Win your feet naked. As tor
me | won't do il. The boots are my boots; I've
got q right 10 wear 'em in bed II choose, and
I'm going 10 do it.' So fell down in the bed
and went to sleep in second.
How long | slept, don't know. when
woke up the room was not So dark as TO pre-
vent my seeing The objects that were in t, and
all these objects were running around Ike
lightning. NJ head whrled, my bed whirled,
every hing wnlrled, Whirled, whired. And oh!
the horrible. horrible nausea l was sick unto
dea h, weaker than water, fat on my back and
utterly unable TO turn. Bat my stomach was
strong-strong enough to eject from lis in
terror what occasloned that dreadful nausea
Nili il be- believed, it be believed, that, after
the TX ulsion, was SO utterly pros ira ted as to
hsobiged 20 lie perfectly still in The bed just as
II was and lust as | was, Alas it is too true.
what is worse. l weRt stralghtway TO sleep
again, and slept! This was enough to slcken
Z man for ift; but my troubles were not over
yet. l had not been long asleep before l
was reused BY the most unmerciful pain
in the mid-region that mortal ever endured
Loath to reveal my situation, but unable
10 rise fro q my bed, stood the pain as long
As | could indeed, until l thought l was
diving. Then l bawled Justify for help
After what seemed All age, so great was my
pain, an Irish maid answered my call |
begged her 10 bring me a large mustard plas-
ter. She brought II, and 1t 1caS j large one
l. reached from my neck to my hips lclapped
IL on us fast as could, pulled the bed clot hes
over me, and waited for IL 10 draw. IL did
draw. terribly, territically; bat IL etsed my
p4Iu somewhat. Then | fell asleep the third
time. Ia about five minutes, Jumped out OF
bed IS II had been blown out of 1t by gun
powder, stripped IF all my clothes. and ran
round the room IN agony, upsettlng chairs and
every thing. l was literally on fre--the mus
tara from .he mus lard plaster had eaten into
lly eistl aud was burning me up nave great
uJvvers of endurance; bur l confess cannot
stand heIug burnt alive. l danced the devils
hurnptpe l did every thing on earth TO keep
IT IN CRYING aioud aud alarming the house
Ii. But II was no &C. Nature would have
us way, and Al last | roared and bawled "a
the tcD of my voice. OF course the house
hold tho females especially, rushed III, and
there | Was. Ia my scant drapery, which
dutrered, fag-lIke, 5ehiAd me as l went hop
ping, skipping, believing and throwing up
!nV arms as If Iwere possessed. They ran out
quicker Than they ran IN, and shut the door
behind them. Fearing they would call in the
police, L cXp planned through the key hole the
Iact tha' the mustard was burning me up, and
implored the iaadlady 10 send nue. i tub OF cold
water.
The tub came and | plunged into it. The
wafer was cold as ice, and did me great
deal of good for The momeat, bat after | got
ont Of il. the burning gan woi Sc than before.
4 I'd again | roared and bawieo, and beloved
in agony, and again the household rushed up
to nv room. l begged them just to let me
d" huiler' as LOUD rs l could and as long as L
Chose--that that was the only thing that dad
me any good and they Kindly consented. So
there / stood il my room, thermometer down
10 zero, no hes Oh, not Il spark " fire. aud
yelled and Yelled ana yelled, until my throat
threatened u split. This is ideal picture,
reader; II is actual aud most painful fact.
a last, when nature was well nigh ex-
haus ed, found that by holding my hands up
Iu the air until the blood was all ont of them,
aud they were consequently very cold aud
taen apply them one after the other TO the
burning surface, l Obtained decided and
permanent relief. / continued this as long as
/ could stand up; then retiring to my bed
fell asleep for the fourth time aud slept twelve
hours without stirring. When | awoke |
was as sore RS II had been bruised in q uartz
crushing machine, and II was for days before
WAS myself again.
viii not point the moral of this narrative
which swear TO be true in every particular
bu1 / VIII ask iha reader, the next time he is
tempted TO indulge his appetite for strong
dFiuk, 10 remember the Mustard Plaster. As
Tor RE, have never forgotten IL nay, could
not were TO live TO the age OF Methusaieh,
foTgetlt.
"DIxIE's LAnp-"-"I wish was in Dixie"
j. now The popular yell and frenzy of New
Orleans The word Dixie" is an old long
time name for the negro idea of heaven -
that is, q place where there is no work. plenty
OF possum, pig meat sweet potatoes hog,
hominy and moIasses, all ready for the eating.
re always admire the ans wer of the man.
who, when asked how old he was, answered
nkt forty years but If you count by the fur
I've seen, an At least eighty"
a maH was charged with stealing piece of
ciotb, when the lawyer put in a plea that the
individual charged with stealing 1t could not
zee H. ior IL wes invisible green.
Many women are loved without knowing it,
and many fancy they are loved when they are
nor. ahey generally mad out their mistake
after they are married.
cad h.