davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03
Artemus Ward, Interview With the
Prince.

Artemus Ward, the Snowman, the man
Of many experiences and unlimited humor,
has seen the Prince. The interview be-
tween these distinguished persons is sup
posed to have taken place at Sarnia, and
\. Ward tells his story as follows:
He handed me a segar & we sot down on
the Pizarro & commenst smokin rite cheer
full. WALL sez |, ALBERT Edward, how's
the old folks?"
"Hec Majesty and the Prince are WE'LL"
he sed.
"Duz the old man take his lager reglar?''
inquired
The Prince larfed and intimated that the
old man didn't let many kegs of tnat bev.
ridge spile in the sellar in the coarse of a
yere. We sot and tawked there sum time
abowt matters & things, & bimeby axcd
him how he liked bein Prince as fur as
heed got.
''To speak plain, Mister Ward" he sed
II don't much like it, I'm sick of all this
bowin 4 scrapn & crawlin & hurrain over
boy like me. lwood rather 60 threw the
country quietly & enjoy myself in my owr
way, with the other boys, l. not be made a
Show of to be garpcd at by everybody
When the peple cheer me feel pleesed, fun
| know they meen it, but if these one-hoss
ottishuls Good know how I see threw al
their moves & understand exackly wha
they are after, & knowd how larf at en-
in private, thayd stop kissin my hands &
fawnin over me as thay now do. But yo,
know, Mister Ward, / can't help bcin
Prince, & must do all kin to fit mysel
fur the persishun must sumtime ockepy.
That's troo," sez |, sickness and tn,
doctors will carry the Queen orf one o
these dase, sure's as yer born"
The time hevin arovc for me to take m,
departer. rose up and sed "Albert Edar,
| must 60, but previs to doin so will ob
sare that you SCOT me- Yure good fclle,
Albert Edard, & tho line agin Princes as
gineral thing, must say like the cut Q
yure Glib. When you git to be King, tr
be as good man as yure muther has biz
Be just l. be Jcnerus, espeshully to show
men, who hev alters bin aboozed sins tn
dase of Noah, who was the fust man to z
into the Menagcry bizness, & eff the dali
papers of his time are to be bleeved Noah
colleckshun Of livin wild beests beet emmy
thing ever seen sins. tho | make bold t
dowt ef his sl,aiks was ahead Of mine Al
bert Edard, adoo!' TUX his hand whic
', he shook warmly, & givin him perpetooa
free pars to my show, 4 also parseS to tax
home for the Queen and Old Albert, l pu
on my hat and walkt away.
"Mrs. Ward" solilerquized as l walk
along, "Mrs. Ward, ef you Good see you
+ husband now, jest as he prowdly emerj
from the peSents Of the fntur King of Ing
land, you'd be sorry you kalled HIN Bees
jest becawz he cum home tired mite an
wantid to go to bed without takin orr hi
boots. You'd be sorry for tryin to depriv
yure husband of the priceless Boon of libc,
ty, Betsy Jane!'
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03
NORTH IOWA TIMES.
Strange, but True.

Strange, but True.
The Republican papers and orators are
telling the people and more particularly the
adopted citizens, that the Democracy of
New York have entered into league, fast
and firm, with the Know Nothings, and
that, per- consequence, there will be no IA
vor shown the foreign voters hereafter if
Mr.. Douglas shall be elected. In the same
papers. you are advised that of the Old
Line Wing electors on the the N. Y. Union
ticket, there is mot man who had the
courage to enter X. N. Lodge!' In the
same papers you also find the boast that
the Buffalo X. N. paper goes for Lincoln {;
that Putnam, Of Chataqua county, aleading
X. N, is one Of the Lincoln State electors !;
that Dan Ullman, late X. n candidate for
Governor, goes for Lincoln; that Gen. Gus
tavus Adolphus (God-help-uSD ScRoGGs,
the Buffalo X. N. light, goes for Lincoln !;
that II. Winter Davis, of Maryland, the
candidate of the Baltimore Plug Uglies,
goes for Lincoln that four hundred and
twelve of the Rochester X Ms have come
out for Lincoln, and that the Catholic vote,
which is not supposed to favor the X. Ms
much, goes for Douglas!
If Foreigners will take look at 1854
and inquire where the men are who rugged
up the Know Nothing ship, they will find
the captains, mates and nearly all the hands
in the Republican party, down on their
knees before the sons and brothers of those
who were destroyed in the riots of Louis
vile and Baltimore, begging the survivors
to vote them into Congress and other re-
sponsible positions. WM. VANDEvER o
this Congressional District, was Know
Nothing. Colfax, if not regular member
(though Dawson Of Fort Wayne, says hi
was) was delegate to Philadelphia to CON
suit with the members of the National
Grand Lodge; this he admits. N. P. Banks
was Know Nothing. Indeed we question
much if you can now find leading Repub
lican in the whole Union who was not X
N. in 1854, and yet these fellows pay 81
poor compliment to the brains Of the "for
eign clement" as to approach it and ask it
support. They even hire foreigners them
selves to run about the country and assis
to elevate to power class of men who in
variably spot them when they have the au
thority. See Massachusetts,, - one yea
for a NEGRO to vote, and SEVEN YEARS
for FOREIGN BORN CITIZEN
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03
Original Poetry.

s-Y" We do not believe a word of tt
following poetry, but it is we'll enough
occasionally show up the sentiments whic
tirnid, crusty, disappointed, old bachelor
entertain towards the sex.
WHAT THE LADIES LIKE.
The women like plant beau
Whose brains are in his heel
And on whose tongue forever dwell
Soft things that conceal
That precious want Of mother-wit
That saddens in his brain,
Like froth that gathers on some pond,
Unbless ed by frequent rain.
His talk must be of neighbors' faults,
Or the "latest style"
or dress, the last new opera,
And he must always smile.
No manly thought must utterance 6nd
A trifler he must be;
For that's the S1rest way to find
To womxn's heart the key.
What matter il with fifty maids
He'll airt, or dance, or rideI
The evils past uudoing,
When once the knot il tied
Aud sure it il q triumph, then,
10 he escorted round
BY one in whose untuto-ed mind
No ray OF sense Is found!
Go. con the ia, HONS DER and o'er;
Ue perfumes by the quart;
Learn the six steps that now-a days
Are dancing called at court !"
And it, percharce, IN after time,
Thy wiie's ~ hamed OF thee,
Thou can't but say, I'm just the thing,
The ladies like to see!
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03
Law Of the Hen.Pecke o d !.

Oh, her hair is dark a. the midnight wave,
And her eye like the kindling fire,
And her voice Is rs sweet as The spirits voice
That chords with the seiaph's Tyre.
But her nails are As sharp as a toaSting- g-fork,
And her arms are as strong as bears;
She pulled my hair and she gouged my eye,
And she kicked me down the stairs.
She may shake her knuckles full in my face,
And put the lamp to my beard,
And hold the broomstick over my head
But Pm pot at all ateard
For I've bound her over to keep the peace,
And I've bought me n crab-tree cane;
The policeman will come, and the justice too,
II she NEEDLES with me again.
May head was week in the linen cap,
And my eyes month in the patch;
never thought that the torch of love
Would light such br,n.tone matchi
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03

~ One John w God, ~ho has been sent
to prison for marrying two wives, excused
himself by saying that when he had one,
she fought him, but when he got two, they
fought each other.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03

JOHNS & CROSLEY'S
Improved (iutta Percha Cement Roofing
4 the cheapest and most reliable Roofing in use It
il Fire and Water Proof 1t he applied to
NEw and OLD RonFs of all kinds, and to old shngle
Roofs without removing the shingles.
The Cost Is only about one-third that Of Tin,
and is tacice as Durable
GurrA PERcHA CEMENT for preserving and Re-
pairing TIN and METAL RooFs OF every description.
From its great elasticity, is not injured by the
traction aud expansion of metals, and will not crack
in cold, run in warm weather. These materials
have been thoroughly tested in New York, and all parts
OF the Southern and Western states. and we can give
abundant proof OF ALL claim in their favor.
They readily applied by ordinary laborers, at q
trding expense.
"NO HEAT rs REQUIRED"
These ms terials put up ready for use, and for
shipping all parts of the country with full printed
directions for application
Full descriptive circulars will be forwarded on ap.
pcation by mail in person, At our principal offices
$40 BROADWAY, Opposite St. Nicholas IIote) N. u,
$40 Futon-st., (opposite City Ilall) Erookyn
June 8, lS60m8 JOHNS & CROsLEY.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03
GLASS, CUT & WROUGHT NAILS.

would call especial attention to my Peru, Shoe
shape and Norway Nail Rods. which are warranted
good, or no sale.
Above enumerate Of the leading articles in
my stock, which all purchased direct from the
Importers and manufacturers.
Call and examine my Goods and Prices
before purchasing else.ohere.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1860-10-03
WHOLE NO. 207.

their Creator with certain inalienable
| rights; that among these arc life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness. That to Sc
cure these rights, governments arc institut-
ed among men. deriving their just powers
from the consent Of the governed"
1t is Of no avail that they declare these
principles, in one breath, when, in the next
they declare the unlimited right of the
States to reduce men to bondage. That
they should assert such opposite principles
they are; and that they are ready to assert
any principles whatever, from the extreme
of liberty, to the extreme Of slavery, II
they can thereby conciliate or deceive the
two opposite wings Of their faction, and
keep them together until their object of
gaining possession Of the government Of the
country shall be attained.
Independence.
Our files of exchanges each week show
an amount of transfers from Republicanis1n
to Democracy that are evidence Of active
and correct thinking among the masses.
1t is so easy matter for lazy man or a
coward to float along with the self-styled
"anti-slavery men" of many Northern dis
tricts that It is not to be wondered at that
you find men daily who say, "Oh, yes, we
believe Congress should not meddle with
the Territories" WE believe that negroes
are better off where they are than they can
possibly be in the Northern States" "WE
don't want them here" 1--WE are opposed
to their voting in Iowa. and yet these
same men will stand up and cote for can
didate who conciliates the John Brown
sympathizcr, the Helperite, and the negro
equal,tist bya TRADE Of abuse against one
half of the States of this Union and their
patriotic people. If men had the nerve
and independence they should have, instead
of the hope of a paltry Office, or the fear o
some one whom they recognize as a polite
al master, they would not long profess ONT
doctrine and vote to advocate its opposite
We care not what a man thinks, but w
want to see him vote his thoughts. If HI
| wants the white race of the South butcher
ed by the servile class, let him advocate
John Brownism-if he wants wrangle il
our National Legislature any time Negro
is mentioned, the public and importan
business of the whites neglected to serv,
the purpose Of mere agtators North ant
South, vote for "Congressional Interven
ton" and it's advocates. But, if reflection
has taught him that all this effort to elevat
the negro must result in separation of TIN
States, and an injury irremediable to boil
white and blacks, he should cast his vot
where he can best aid the purposes o
Union and fraternity in this galaxy 0
States. Let no clap-trap of "universa
brotherhood' among all colors and race
lead you from the fields of sense and Oh
servation to 60 on tour Of Improvement
which, you kn0w must result in the des
truction Of those you propose to relieve
and the eternal hatred of those who ar
linked to you by the ties of common an
cestry and common patriotism.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09
The Family Opposed to NeWspa Dsr>.

The man that didn't take the papers
was in town yesterday. He brought his
whole family to town in two horse
wagon. He still believed that General
Taylor was President, and wanted to
know if the "kamskatkians' had taken
Cuba, if so where they had taken it. lie
had sold his corn for thirty cents--thc
price being fifty -hve-but on going to
deposit his money, they told him that it
was mostly counterfeit. The only hard
money he had was some three cent
pieces, and these same sharper had "run
on him. for half dimes.
One of the boys went to the black
smiths shop to be measured for a pair
of shoes, and another mistook the mar
ket house for church. After hanging
his hat on meat hook he took his seat
on a butchers stall and listened to an
auctioneer whom he took to be the
preacher. He left before "mcetin' was
OUT and had no great opinion Of the
sarmint.
One Of the girls took lot of seed on
ions to trade them for a letter. She had
baby which she carried in "sugar
trough" stopping AZ times to rock it ou
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09
Give the Boys u Chance.

One of the surcst methods of attach
ING a boy to the farm, is to let him have
something upon it for his own. Give
/ him u small plot of ground to cultivate,
allowing him the proceeds for his own
use. Let him have his steers to break,
or his sheep to care for The owner
ship Of even a fruit tree, planted, prun-
ed. and brought to bearing by his own
hands, will inspire him with an interest
that no mere reward or wages can give.
In addition to the cultivation Of taste
for farm life, which such course will
cultivate, the practical knowledge gain
ed by the boy will be of the highest
value. Being interested, he will be-
more observant, and will thoroughly
learn whatever is necessary for his sue
cess. Another and equally important
advantage will be the accustoming him
early to feel responsibility. Many young
men. though well acquainted with eli
the manual operations of the farm, fail
uttrr y when entrusted with the man
agencnt Of an estate, from want Of ex-
pericncc in planning for themselves. 1t
is much better that responsibility should
be gradually assumed, than that a young
man should be first thrown upon himself
on attaining his majority, american
iy%|cnitHrih
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09
Beecher ON the Apostle Paul.

Extract from Sermon of Rev. Henry Ward Beech,r
\ ship is the most ingenious and
mighty fabric which human hands have
ever wrought. Nothing else is half SO
strong; neither pyramids, nor temples,
nor cathedras, OF stone. which, before
printing gave opportunity for the human
neart to express itself, gave forth the
thoughts, and the sublimest feelings and
aspirations Of the greatest thinkers
There is not one of these things that
does not easily fall to pieces. They can
be moved by earthquakes as easily as the
seed globe of dandelion by winds that
puff at it. But a ship eau ght by winds
and tossed about like ball is unharmed
1t is smitten and whirled 1t is rocked
on waves IS cradle is rocked by moth,
er's foot. 1t rears up like a frighted
steed. 1t punges again like war horse
10 battle. But though mind, chase it,
and storms reach out black hands after
it, and waves forever beat it, and it must
needs roll and plunge, it seeks its centre
again, and comes upright the moment
the airy hands let 60.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09
Death Of English Kings and Queen ms.

William the conquerer died of enor-
nous fat, from drink and from the yio-
lence or his passions.
William Rufus died the death of the
poor stays he hunted.
Henry the First died of gluttony.
Henry the Second died of broken
heart, occasioned by the bad conduct of
his child en-. ..s
John died, nobody knows how, but it
ls said of ehagrin, which is another term
- dose of hellebore. ..e...
Henry the Third is said to have die :
a natural rdeuth.
Edward the First is likewise said to
have died Of q natural sickuesr-o sick.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09
NO. vi.
'Frc m the Iowa Farmer
whitman, Or Oid Colony Improved Corn.
OystE or SEc. Iowa RMER y CoiLEos,(
DIS NoIyRs. Dec. l6, ls59,


.Ncssrs EiItor<:-Of all the several
varieties of corn distributed from this
office last spring. there are none which
will be Of more value to this State, than
the above named corn. Mr.. Josiah
Hopkins, Of Madison tp., in this county,
received but one pint of this corn h,s
in the season; it was planted on ore.
cisth Of an acre, and produced ten bush
els and three pccks of good sound shelled
corn. The soil on which it was grown,
was the common sandy soil OF the prairie,
high and dry, with bed Of clay about
" feet, commencing 2! to 3 feet below
the surface. n crop of sugar cane was
grown on the spot the previous year, for
which the soil had been turned six
inches; in the spring it was plowcd six
inches for the corn crop, and furrowcd
81 feet each way; the cultivation was
twice blowing with double shovel plow,
and twice with single shovel plow, both
ways. The crop was generally .ackered,
which he thought lcsscned the Weld; he
will not do this sgain Mr.. II. says it
is the best corn he has ever seen for fat
tcninr hogs, and will make it his only
crop Of corn hereafter He feels satis-
lied, by planting it close in the rows. say
Is inches apart and the rows - feet
apart, that he can raise lo5 bushels to
the acre forgot to stotc one of its
most important recommendations, it RI.
renea and was hard in 65 days after
planting, an item of great value to our
State, especially all the northern portion
of it,
This corn was presented to the L. s.
Agricultural Society by the Hon Horace
Callamorc, of Massachusetts, for listri-
button to the several Agricultural Cob
lr@cs Of the Union. received our
quota, about half a bushel, late in the
Spring, and had it cultivated in this
county, for the use Of this olaicc. Ihorc
to have enough next spring to supply
seed, from the product Of which every
county in the State may have a good
quantity, in the fall, sufficient probably
for all who desire to cultivate it. l can
send now to any party desiring some of
the seed, 10y mail, any quantity they
wish by their sending postage stamps to
pay postage | expect 20 send home by
the members Of the legislature, in tho
spring, good quantity for distribution
in their several districts, with such 9TH
er seeds, including spring and winter
wheat, as | can obtain by that time.
Respectfully, yours,
wM. DUANE WILSON, Sec.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09

! From my window, every day, see
coming up the harbor whole tocks Of
ships that have been battling for weeks
and months upon the deep; but there
are 20 wrinkles on them; neither do they
complain or look of complaint They
come up and fold their sails as eul's shut
their wings when they alisht; and once
at anchor, you might look in vain for any
sighs of WEAKNESS, or disceuragement,
or disgust. They sit smiling on the
tranquil harbor, happy now in peace, and
casting their fair shadow into the water,
placidly as lover casts. his tremulous
reverics into the future. And so, year
by yea :, the ships 20 in and out: they
travel through storms or swing in liquid
ca'ms they fly like storm. driven gulls,
like them, swing happily on the undu-
latinS bosom of quiet, softly murnur-
ing sea, and seem built alike Tor grace
and rcposc, or for battle and b,uising
storms
And Just such, to my thought, was
that wonderful man, Paul, to whom
something was nothing, and to whom
nothing on earth was very much who
saw value in everything and cared not
very much for anything; who knew eve.
ry pulse Of humanity, every aspect Of
experience, every throb Of joy, every
rack .; anguish. everything that is in
tranquility everything that il is disturb
ance and turmoil; to whom triumph spar
ed none of its experiences, aud defeat
none; who lived to the full, and yet
"dicd deaths daily who waS the world 5
wandcrcr. and the whole world was his
household who was atjectly poor, and
i;'mcnscly y rich who felt all the pcltinGs
Of persecution, all the wounds Of hatred,
and knew all the quicksand> Of trcachery,
and who was superior to them all, and
rode triumphing over enough troubles to
have sunk. k..armies and empires of common
heroes. If the waves broke over him, he
shook them off his decks easily. Ifthcy
came like mountains at him, he rose over
them, and came to port safe again.
Ttcrc was no Homer to sing him
His epic was to be sung in heaven. 1t is
his own immortal life that now rolls an
eternal melody Of JOY there in numbers
deep and JOY more perfect than is pos
s'ble to any earthly sphere. TO u, re-
maiu3 his shadow
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09

ness which would puzzle all the college
physicians to dcnomina,c.
Edward the Second was murdered
most barbarously and indccently by ruff
fans employed by his own mother and
paramour.
Edward the Third died Of dotace, and
Richard the Second of starvation. the
very reverse Of George the Fourth,
Henry tho Fourth is said to have died
of fits caused by .'uneasiue>S,' and un-
easiness in palaces in those times was a
very common complaint.
Henry the Fifth is said to have died
Of painful aii,iction prematurely This
is court!y phrase for getting rid oF n
King
Hcury the Sixth died in prison, by
means then known only to Heaven.
Edward the Fifth was stranglcl in
the tower by his uncle, Richard the
Third
Richard the Third was killed in bat.
tic.
Henry the Seventh ''wasted away as
a miser ought to do.
Henry the Eighth died Of carbuncles,
fat aud forty.
Edward the Sixth died of decline
Queen Mary is said to have died of a
"brokcn heart, whereas she died from a
surteit, from eating too much of black
pudding,
Old Queen Bcss is said to have died
OF melancholy from having sacrificed Ess.
ex to his enemies
James the First died of drinking, and
the effect of nameess vice.
t'n les the First died on the scaifold
Charles the second died suddenly, i,
is said of aporlexy.
William the third died Of consumptivc
habits of body. and from the stumbling of
his horse
Queen Anne died from her attachment
to "strong water,' or in other words
from drunkenness, which her physicians
politely ca led the drorsv
George the FIRST died of drunkenness
which his physicians politely called an
apopcctic fit.
George the second died Of y rupture Of
the h"ar', which the periodicals of that
dav termed a visitation Of God. 1t is
the onl Y instance in which God ever
touched his heart
George the Third died as he lived
a madnan. Throughout life he was at
| ;l>t IA consistent monarch.
George the Fourth died Of gluttony
and drunkenness.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1860-02-09
MUSINGS.
Twas near the hour Of midnight,
As musingly ] lay, EN-"
nnl <hA v,nrin

Twas near the hour of midnight.
q As musingly ! lay, a."
And lste ned to the music, sweet,
J OF winds in sportive play.
The present, with its troubles.
And with its joys the past.
Came crewdng in my musings,
And the darks0me fatHre, last.
But hark that cannot be the wind;
Itsounds not like its roar,
Which comes now to my longing ears,
With memories Of yore:
With memories Of those early days
When | y as but boy,
When troubles came not on my heart,
And all the day was joy.
But yet It comes: tha. sound again;
That music's hum and din.
With all its thrilling, speaking voice,
Comes crowding, crowding in:
Oh! yes: well remember now;
Ny mind an image sees.
'Tis bright with Youthful beauty, too,
With innocence and giees.
'Tis that Of our old back-wood home,
When children eight were We.
Would crowd around our fathers chair,
And climb upon his knee:
Or else around the cheerful blaze
Arranged. OF playful run,
And mother brought the spinning wheel
And to US music spun.
What would give to live once more
III innocence as then,
And pass through all the gayetcs
Oi yoUth.,l sports again.
But no, to me it is denied:
They'll never more return,
Tho still their memories on my heart
With incense sweet VII luln.
II. !e,noN Nsws