Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1860-07-19
[From the LaSalle (Ill) Press.l
A Short Sermon to " Douglas Worship.
pers."
By wHANG DOODLE.

BIZ WHANG DOODLE.
And devout men carried Stephen 20 his burial and
made great lamentation r him.-Acts viii. 2
My dear Douglas brethren intend to
talk to you at this time, about the folly and
sinfulness of worshpping man. The heather
bow to images of wood and stone, and some
worship uuclean beasts But we of this gen.
Grafton have been guilty of the meanest idol
airy of all in worshipping little lump of cor
rupt flesh aud blood. called Stephen, now de-
funct A few weeks ago, when we ladened
our vessels with rum and whisky for oar bre:h-
ren, who were sent as missionaries to the port
of Charleston, in the foreign land CT South
Carolina to preach the gospel Of Dred Scott
and Popular Sovereignty and gave them gold
and silver wherewith to buy their bread and
meat our departed friend was full of promise,
and high uplifted as the god of Democracy.
and all who would fall down and worship him
should have their reward. But, alas our
brethren have returned TO us with nothing bat
his unseemy carcass Ind der0m men car
ried Stephen to lis burial and Dsadt great lam
entation 0rsr him
And it came to pass, when our chief priests
and elders were gathered together in couven-
ton OF Charleston, that many Of the heather
Of that region would not fall down and wor-
ship our golden calf Aud we said unto them
they were wrong that the golden calf would
grant them many indul yences he would give
them Bour bon whisky, apple jack and redeye
as beverages, and had promised nine hundred
and ninety thousand foreign missions, post
/ Offices and custom houses and take fye hun.
dred old fogies into his cabinet But all this
/ would not avail Nary bowel of compassion
could be moved within them, and therefore our
brethren returned unto US. ind der0m npsa
cqrried StsPheg 10 Ills y&rial, and made great
lameatation orsy him."
And the disciples of Stephen spake unto
them, saying, that they Gid not care whether
niggers were voted upside down, or downside
up, it made no difference But they were re-
belliou2, and declared that we must get the
uigger out Of the fence and protect them ia
.he Territories where there are no fences but
we couldn't do it. We referred them to Free
port, where Stephen Epake of unfriendly leg
giaiation," bat theg didn't care red for the
Police Magistrate Of the Territories, but would
pasture their niggers there, on Uncle Sans
farm. They wouldn't let Us put fence Of un-
friendly legislation around them aad because
We wouldn't give the niggers pasture, they
waxed with wrath and Stephen gave mp the
. AOSt l"t NttpNt "tlfE Ltt' LttE ActtpNtH 10
his 5gr5ai, aaa mgGe great lar7eatatIoa 0rtE
him
In vain our brethren promised to erect q
. false bottOmed platform, TO deude the heather
with tricks of legerdemain Oh, the " ire
presslble conflict = 1t squeezed our poor lit
tie Stephen so hard. that gout nor influenza
need trouble him more. They cast rocks upon
him. The lions roared at him. The eagle
I.-.... ! = I'll.
Old Buck shook his horn at him The niggers
shook their wool and laughed at him, because
/ the " Rai-mauler" received more votes from
I Suckers than he did. And ogr one hundred
and frty-t@o and kalf brethren stood By and
saw him crushed cut eGG bewailed their
/ empty pockets, aud the loss of the good things
e. promised them. AHd dsrout men carried
I Stephen 10 his Jg7iI! cxd maRe great LameHfa-
/ flOa Orer hin.7
And now, in conclusion, ny dear Douglas
brethren, know it Is hard for Us 10 believe
that Stephen is suufed up. We cannot real
ize it. But it il even SO. We never shall be
hold his coat tail dragging on the GROUND any
more, It's beautiful folds have been wrapped
around his wounded seat Of honor, aud he has
been lain at rest. The Z" irrepressible conflict
has dealt him 2 smasher on the Lob, and his
voice will no longer charm us with the beauti-
ful song of Popular Sovereignty. Therefore
cease your blubbering of Stephen There is
yet hope of salvation for Us. There is a plank
still left for rs poor shpwrecked sinners to
cling te. Oar brethren north and south
/ already stand upon it, Though the heather
have denounced it as & relic Of barbarism, yet
ouC elders in the great council of the nation
say it is a good one We will go to that land
Of blessed saiats in Utah. where it is fenced in
aad shout for old Mrs Polly Gamy. There.
| repOsing on her bosom, We will bury all our
( sorrows for the immaculate Stephen, who was
so shamefully martyred at Charleston Let him
rot in peace.
Farewell, then, 20 poor old Stephen
The fsnous Charleston martyr:
! For he lied So We couldn't believe him,
And We won't go tGmbling after.
Thus, you see, have quoted the Dutch
poet, and he will close with the words OF tha
text, 4" Aad deJ0Ht &sn cqrricd Stephen to Ais
burla(, and made great lameAtat!on orsr him
Amen
The choir will please sing that good old
SOCIOLOGY, Of g Possum up gum tree, while
a collection is being taken up for the benefit
Of our late missionaries to Charleston.
E5~ The young lady who saw baby with
out kissing it has acknowledged that her
:! friends bonnet is handsomer than her own.
B1~ Said Tom " Since have been aboard