New Orleans daily crescent., 1860-11-26

wife. believe that Abraham slept with his fore
fathers with greater comfort thaul do with my one
wife. Every night ] am wakened by her long,
loud and terrible snoring, which sounds like the
breathing OF an elephant attacked by bronchitis,
or the witches of Macbeth playing on a trombone.
My vile says that if didn't eat so much
could sleep well enough, and that she never was
guilty of such vulgar habit snoring in all her
life. Upon my suggesting that she has not as
good an opportunity to hear herself snere as other
people, she gives me a lecture eRon impudenee
tar surpassng in its hrilhancy Of thought and de-
livery any Of Mrs. Caudle's nocturnal ,oratiossi
and am glad to take refuge in my pillow, rot,
However, until I have said in q subdued s0ne,
With all thy faults love thee stiH'
"Before We were married she called me shouey,
now am old beeswax.' Then was perfectly
divine now am q perfect fend.' TheG I was
noble hearted now am real mean.' Then l
was handsome now iaa1 . horrid locking OBJ
iect.' Then she would die for me-, now she
wouldn't stir step to save my neck Then she
was all patienee, now her hope deferred maketh
her heart sick. Then she was mild, now she
knows herTights' and is the strong minded female
seeking WHOM she mag devour. Tom Brown truly
saids
s'sAfan is the pilot his wife is the aceaa,
Hesalways IN trouble, she always " notion y
gTFere Toby, taising handkerchief from his
pa6ket btried his facial arrangements in its ample
Folds anS waited in silence until he had compile.
| bed the exercise OF his melancholy fnnctions.o
fT0by, you are indeed man ssf sorrows But
gazing back through the vista ofages, You will find
that celebrated men than yourself have been
\ deceived by women. Adam, Solomon, Sampson,
and Eoofernes were victims Of lie gay deceiver,
ami Socrates life was shortened by the length OF
| hiswfe's tongue.
| rs Toby, when you are despolding and think you
lead hard life, just timagne Socrates the greatest
/ ofaneient philosophers, contemplating the imuor-
itaity Of the soul, while Aantppe, his wife Four
shes broenstick over hisshead.n
1 !" He must have been e Enan of strong neEYe,''
said Toby.
5<tyes STs Nv and Mrs Socrates was a most .aner
j getic house keeper.
4 :. Of them it might be saSd-
| Wishing each other not divorced, but dead.
| They lived respectfully as and wife.a 49,.
This question of matriRcny is one which requires
considerable meditation aad forethought, since in
mosbeaaes it is decision for life. There are q
great many pros and cons connected with it. Some
fanatics cry out against the institution in toto end
| in a tome Of Scripture authority say, "Go to the
maiden aunt thou single man, consider her ways
and be wise.h They eeatend that cebacy g ciaste
as the ieiclen is the normal condition of man, and
that e many flower is born to blush unseen and
| waste its fragrance on the desert air. 4 myself
do rot think that Providence is the side eecelib.
aoy. Philosophy andsNature are opposedtoit.
sbs Ths gss swms ss ne Rs5s a s9oR a
One of the ancients said, that young man
should marry when old, and an old man, never.''
| That is just such a sentiment as should expect
| from vinegar,faced antedluvian who 'aad been
/ Sften = jilted'' by the females of antiquity.
| (Here one of Toby's :. olive branches" came
running nte the Office and said, mother says for
father to come right home this minute.rD
toby one word before you go. j wish you
would call again soon and will give yeuthe dole
full experience ola bachelor which may prove the
balm of consolation to your wounded spirit.
4 In the meantime, with your permission | am
going to call upon your wife and hear her version
Of your matrimonial trials. 1 am confident, Toby,
that she will not give you the best character nag
Unable, for think that you are too exactng and
not conciliatory enough in your disposition"
Exit Toby, whistling, Home, Sweet Home.n