Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1860-11-22

cau 90 Oh ~ilnouI 0edu, ana are III
CULVER till they get one.
A debating club lately discussed the i'm
por,ant question, "whether ROSTERS
knowledge of daybreak is the result of OBJ
servation."
1t is sad commentary upon the course
of instruction pursued in young ladies'
schools, that the graduate seldom knows
how to decline an offer of marriage.
If you wish 10 dispense with butter, take
sweet, plump damsel wife, and, if you
love her, you can relish your crust and cof-
fee at breakfast without any but her.
Our "Jim" has taken to writing poet
ry. Here is his first production:
A squirrel is prete burd,
Its got kurle tale,
He stol awl mi daddiz korn,
And ct it on a rale.
A gentlemen was speaking the other
of the kindness of his friends in visiting
him. One old aunt in particular, visiting
him twice each year, and stayed six months
each time.
A man who assisted to empty several
bottles of wine, afterwards took walk.
The pavements were quite icy, and be ex-
claimed: "V-ve-ry singular wh-whenever
water freezes it always freezeswilh the 81
sEppery side up"
Hyperbole: A Vermont horse, jockey,
boasling one day of his horse, gravely as
serted that be could trot seventeen miles
an hour. Seventeen miles an hours"
says bystander. l guess as how that's
wbopper." "My dear fellow" replied the
Green Mountainer, Seventeen miles is no
great shake for the critter, now; for when
he was but three years old, the lightning
killed the old mare, and chased the colt
all around the the pasture without Ct
ting within striking distance of him.
In tavern, in a small town, sat far
mer, who was plagued and bantered BY
above dozen guests who were present.
SWELL" said the farmer, at last, "Pve
got the best of all of you."
"How so" asked all.
ain me you've only got one fool, while
in you I've got above Dozen"
An advocate having lately gainad suit
for poor young lady, she remarked:
81 have nothing 10 pay you with, sir,
but my heart" "Hand it over TO the
clerk if you please. Iwish no fee for my
SELF" he replied.
Common Sense: The late Chief Justice
Marshall, while riding one morning to court
in his single carriage, his horse fell and
broke shaft. He was puzzled what to do.
Tom, a neighboring negro WAGNER, hap
pening to drive up, he asked him if he
could help him out of his difficulty, 30
yes, massa, if you'll lend me your knife"
Tom took the knife and cut sapling pole
and grape vine from neighporiog thick
ct, with which he speedily spilced up the
broken shaft. "Now, Tom," said the
Judge, "why didn't 1 think of thata"
20 massa," replied Tom, "you know dat
some people wiH hab more sense den
oders. -.
Husbands: A lady having remarked
that "awe is the most delicious feeling a
wife eau have towards husband" Fanny
Fern thus comments:
have trimmed, whose hair you have cut,
whose cravat you have tied, whose shirt
you have put 'in the wasb,' whose boots
and shose you have kicked into the closet,
whose dressing gown you have worn comb
ing your hair, who has been down in the
kitchen with you at eleven o'clock at night
to hunt for chicken bone; who has hook
ed your dresses, unlaced your boots, fas-
tened your bracelets, and tied on your boH-
net; who has stood before your looking
glass with thumb and finger on probocis,
scratching his chin; whom you have but
tered, and sugared, and teased; whom you
have seen asleep with mouth wide open.
Ridiculous"
In an article in the London Quarterly
Review, for April, reviewing Horace Bin
ney's pamphlet relative to the old bar of
Philadelphia, we find an auecdote of an
American lawyer, jeremiah Mason, which
we have never seen in print before. 1t
was told By Daniel Webster.
Mr.. Mason was engaged in defence of
Methodist minister, by the name of Avery,
on charge of murder. The professional
character of the prisoner interested deeply
his brother ministers, who in numbers at
tended the trial. The case was serious,
and the advocate was absorbed intently
watching the progress of the evidence,
carefully noting it, and observing its effect
upon the jury, when one of these ministers,
VINO would now be called spiritualist,
was LED to his side, and in great agitation
said, "Mr. Mason, Mr.. Mason, have the
most important matter to communicate
The Archangel Gabriel came my bedside
this morning, and told me that Brother
Avery was innocent!" Without lifting
his eyes or pen from the paper, Mr.. Ma.
son replied, "Let him be subpoenaed imme.
diately," and continued his work.