Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1860-02-18

Get out of the ashes, as the boy sald
to the roasted potaloe.
If the widow Fanladling isn't married,
Mrs. SmltheIs thinks, lis time she ought
Ia be, for every time she sees one OF those
brutes called men, she goes sqirmng about
like kiIlen round milk pitcher. Now
such actions as these Mrs. Smilhers'can't
abare.'
We have seen women not only too
weak TO bear food, but even TOO weak TO
bear contrailcion-but who ever saw
one too weak to bear husband We
pause for reply.
"You seem animated by the scene,
Miss Annie" SAID blu.hIng luver 10 his
be,rolhed. mo, shal never be Annie
mated until AIN your vile, dearest an
swered the fond gil.
lady was recently teaching little
utchin to spell. The boy spelled cold.
but could not come the pronunciation. In
vain his teacher asked him TO think and
nv. Al last size asked him "what do YOU
get when you go out upon The sidewalk
on a rainy day, and wet your feet = al
gets licking" replied The uIchin, quite
natural y.
"Y on sot !" exclaimed woman 10 her
husband, "you are always al The tavern
getting drunk with hot punch, while ] am
At home. with nothing 10 drink but cold
water" "Cold, you silly, jade, why
don't YOU warm il %
"Sallic," said young man to his red
haired sweetheart, keep Your head away
from me, YOU will set me on fire."
mo DANGER" was the contemPruous
reply "you are TOO green To burn"
A young fop about starting down TO
! New Orleans proposed 10 purchase a life
presetvtr. "Oh, you'll moi want it,
suggested the clerk, "bsgs OF wind don't
sink ~
| An old maid, in speaking of marriage,
says it is like another disease-whlo
there's life there's hope. Spunky gal that.
An American pocs diseour'iug OF the
eyes of his lody love, exclaims
The bright bl ,ck eye, the melting blue,
! cannot choose beiwiXi the two!
A poor fellow let loose from The police
station in The city suggests:
A right smart blow betwixt the two
VIII quickly make them black and blue.
"You say. Mrs. Jones. that you have
/ lived with the defendant for eight years
. Does the Court understood from that that
you are married t. him."
"ln course il does"
"Iave you got marriage certificate y
eyes. yer honor, three on 'em-lwo
gals and boy"
Some wsg put -four in The flute belong
ing 10 member Of the Albany Mussun
orchestra he other night. The result
was. when they play ed, the innocent fd-
dler on his right suddenly changed COM
rlexion, turning very pale. His hair, in
fact, was at once very gray. The flute
player says "it vos one mta Joke"
Louisiana paper in recording tho
death by lightning Of two likely negro
men says:
The electric huid Of the clouds seems
TO be no respector ol persons. it wofd
AS soon kill a negro worth fifteen hundred
or two thousand as "poor white man.
not worth the powder and lead that it
would take 10 blow lis brains out"
81 say landlord. that's dirty towel zoe ;
a man to wipe On!" Landlord, with u
look of amszement "Well, swear.
you're mighty particular. SiTty or seq.
enty of my boarders have wiped on iha,
towel this morning, and you sre the FIST
one 10 find faJll"
A late celebrated jpdge. who stopped
very mLch when ~olkIng. had stone
thrown al bin one day. which foriunsieIy
passed over him without illing him. Tur-
ming TO his friend. lie remarked. "ilad
been an upright judge, that might have
caused ny death
OLD Maps FEEII>G TOWARD WlDows.
My dear Aunt ForsH alking 10 bes
niece ej-"lhe only incorigihly nncon.
'''""'"''' "NN'~"' '' A's''S'9 VI "'uIOths
are mature widows too oAI for sentiment
and 100 old for the resignation Of solitude.
who sniosl offer themselves for sale; who
fling themselves, their Gisidends, and
Their houses full OF furniture, as The head
OF tie first man they meet at a theatre. a
IecIure-room, or a boarding house dinner
table, and who, believe " wopld marry The
very devil himself IL lie rolled up his tail
ani of sight, and brongh! curly wig well
down over bis horns" This is The spite