Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1860-02-03
LFum tho Rock Island August
AN EDITOR ON SKATES.
slips Up--E1hiblts Handkerchief, dc.


slips Up--Exhibits Handkerchief, sc.
Skaters, and those who wish to be ska
tcrs will find it necessary to hold their
sides while they read the experience of
Brick Pomeroy, the local editor of the Mil
waukec Netrs. The picture may be recog-
zed by some who have not got the hang of
their skates. Here it is:
'Right beneath one of our windows,
from morn till midnight, we see youngsters
and oldesterS twisting their legs into all
conceivable shapes. We cannot pick up
Il paper, but an article on "skating" meets
the eye. Everybody says it's fun, and
that's all Everybody" knows about it, for
we have tried it. Last night, about gas
light time, after reading a glowing de-
scriptiOn of life en- skates, we prepared for
our first attempt, and sailed forth to join
the merry crowd. We had on pair of
stogn boots, trousers legs tucked inside,
a Robert-tailed coat and white hat We
went down on the ice, and gave Il boy two
shillings in good coin of the realm, for the
use of his implements. We have conf
We, with the assistance of n friend, fixed
on the skates, and stood erect as bar
bcr's pole.
Encouraged at the sight of some ladies
on the bridge, looking at the skaters, we
struck out. A slant to the right with the
right foot-a slant to the left with the left
foot-nnd just then we saw something on
the ice, and stopped over to pick it up!-
On our feet again-two slants to the right
and one to the left accompanied with
loss of confidence. Another stride with
the right foot aud we sat down with fear
full rapidity, with very little, if any, ete-
cancel What a-sct down it was, for we
made dent in the ice not unlike a Con-
necticut butter bowl! Just then one of
the ladies remarked-"0hl look, Mary,
skccts on the right placer Ditto, thought
We Just then ragged little devil sang
out as he passed us-"UGlLOw, 0td Hnlber
legs" and we suddenly up and put after
him. Three strides to the right-two to
the left, aud away went our Iegs-onc to
the east, and the other west, causing an
immense issurc in our pants, and another
picture of II butter tray in the cOld-Oh!
hO1r cold !-iCc. Then the lady-wc know
she was one by the remark she made
again spoke and said-"Oh, look, Mary
that chap with the white hat has set down
on his handkerchief, to keep from taking
coldl' We arose about as graceful us a
saw horse when Mary said-"Guess 'taint
right, it wasn't hankercbief-not bit
of it! Just then friend came along and
proiTered us his coat tail as a 'steNdier. -
We accepted the continuation of his gar
mcnt, and up the river VIC went about ten
rods, when shy to the right by the leader
cnused us, the wheel horse, to scoot off on
tangent, heels up! But the ice is very
cold this season!
We tried it again, A glide one way-n
glide and half the other when ''wh0ck"
came our bump of philoprogenitivenss on
the ice, and we saw million of stars dam
cling around our eyes, like ballet girls at
the Bowery theatre. How that shock went
through our system and up aud down our
spinal column. Lightning couldn't have
corkscrewed it down creased sNpling with
greater speed and more exhileratinG effect.
Boarding house butter or IL warruntec deed
could not have stuck stronger than we
did-and dozen ladies looking at US and
our "fissured" pants
"Hello, old cock" sang out the ragged
imp again, and VIC there helpless Soon
we got up and made another trial, with
better success. Perhaps we had skated, in
our peculiar style, fifteen feet, when blum
dering chap came up behind, and we sat
down with our tied head pillowcd in his
lal-nnd he swearing at us when it was all
his own faultl How cold the ice was
there, too. Every spot where we made our
debut on the ice-oh how cold it was -
Our dear skin drawers were no protection
at all We tried again; for the papers say
it's fun, and down came our ROman- Grecinn
nose on the cold julcp material, and the
little drops of crimson ran down our shirt
bosom, and on the cold ice. Once more
we tried skuting-made for the shOrc-snt
down and counted damages.
Two shiIlings in cash thrown away
Seven lateral and one frontal bumps on
ice. One immense fissure in as handsome
pair of ten dollar cassimercs as man
ever put his legs in. One rupture in the
knee, extending to the bone. Four but
tons from our vest, u "fragmentcd" watch
crystal, and back Nche, big enough TO
divide among the children of Israel. If
you catch us on the smooth, glossy, chilly,
freezing, treacherOus, deccitful, slippery
and slip uppery ice again, you'll know it
If any one ever hears of onr skating again,
they will please draw on us for the bivalves
and accompanying documents. We have
got through skating. It's a humbug. It's
vexation of spirit, of business, of flesh,
and tearer of trousers It's head-bump-
ing, back-aching, leg-wearing, dangerous
institution, and we warn people against
skating. We tried it, aud shan't be able to
walk for month. Skating clubs are u
humbug, and all the rascSlly youngsters
want to get the ladies at it, that they may
ee- If they too, don't say ''the ice is
dreadful coldn It's nothing us, but the
ladies will do well to let the skates alone,
unless they are younger and more elastic