Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1860-02-18
POETRY.
wANTED--A MINISTER.

We have been without pastor,
Some eighteen months or more
And though candidates are plenty
We've had at least score
All of them 'tip-top" preachers,
Or 50 their letters ran
We're Just rs far as ever
From settling on the man.
The first who came among us
BY no means wns the worst,
But then We didn't think of him.,
Because he was the first;
1t being quite the custom
To sacrifice few,
Before the church in earnest
Determines what to do.
There was n smart young fellow
With serious, earnest way,
Who, but for one great blunder,
Had surely won the day;
Who left SO good impression,
On Monday, one or two,
Went round among the people
To see if he would do.
The pious, godly portion,
Had not a fault to find;
His clear and searching preaching
They thought the very kind;
And all went smooth and pleasant
Until they heard the views
OF some influential sinners
Who rent the highest pews.
On these his pungcnt dealing
Made but sorry hit;
The coat Of gospel teaching
Was quite too tight Il fit,
OF course his fate was settled
Attend, ye parsons all.
And preach to please the sinners
Ii sou would get a call.
Next came spruce young dandy
He wore his hair too long;
Another's coat was shabby,
And his voice not over strong;
And one New Haven student
Was worse than all of those
We couldn't heed the sermon
For thinking Of his nose.
Then wcarying Of candidates,
We looked the country through,
Mid doctors and professors,
TO find one that would do;
And after much discussion
On who should bear the ark,
With tolerable agreement
We fixed on DR.. Park.
Here, then, we thought it settled,
But were amazed to find
Our flattering invitation
Respectfully declined.
We turned to Dir. Hopkins
To help us in the lurch,
Who strangely thought the college
Had claims above the church.
Next we dispatched committees
BY twos and threcs, to urge
The laburs Of the sabbath
OF the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
lie cane-a marked sensation,
So wonderful his style,
Followed the creakirg of his boots
As he passed up the aisle.
His tones were so affecting,
His gestures so divine,
A lady tainted in the hymn
Before the second line;
And on that day he gave us,
In accents clear and loud,
The greatest prayer ever addressed
To an enlightened crowd.
He preached double sermon,
And he gave Us angels food,
On such a lovely topic
"The Joys of soltude;"
All full Of sweet descriptions
OF flowers and pcarly streams,
OF warbling birds, and moonit groves,
And golden sunset beams.
OF faith and true repentance,
He nothing had to say;
lie rounded all the corners,
And >moolhcd tho rugged way;
Managed with great adrotness
To entertain and please
And leave the sinners conscience
Completely at its ease.
Six hundred is the salary
We gave in former days:-
We thought it very liberal,
And found it hard to raise;
But when we took the paper,
We had no need 10 urge,
To raise cool two thousand
For the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
III vain were all the Efforts
We had no chance at all
We found ten city churches
Had given him Il call;
And he, in pryeriul waiting,
Was keeping all in tow,
But where they paid the highest
1t was whispered he would 60.
And now, good Christian brothers,
We ask your earnest prayers,
That God would send shepherd
To guide our church affairs,
With this clear understanding
\ man, TO meet our views,
Must preach to please the sinners,
And lill tla Nugupf ppvVg