The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-03-14
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

- '"es S,osN'S "Sof~'"'~ w wy '''ssiN'',
bids them edo their d----ivinest." 49,.
AT Newcastle the people must be a
youthful set, for all are miners.
Joe, did you ever dabble in stocksp
"Well,, yes, I:put my foot them oncc.'
- Why was Adam tho first runner
that ever lwed? Because he was the
first in human face.t ,-.s. ..s-,,.. =
--Nhat- lady of history renowned
married gardener and made him lose
his situation? Eve.
= From statistics published it is infer
rcd that tic income OF the Sheriff of New
York is at least 100000 a ycar.
- Why isn't areporter like apolicc-
man? Because one takes down ,whatthe
other takes mp. ~
- One of the rcadiest ways ofcontract-
ing loose habits is TO put a belt around
your drcssing-gown.
Did the man who plonghcd tho sea
and afteward planted his foot on his ma
tive soil, ever harvest tho crop? - ,.,.
WHY would printer make good
lawyer! Because he would, always be
sure to understand his "cAsE"
-"My son, l dislike yourlow ways"
+" Pray, father would you have me turn
49, go s-'.>
The man who was ''hemmed in by
a crowd" has been troubled with stitch
in his side ever since. 3D..
A benevolent physician considers
the poor.his best patrons, for God is the
paymastef.
= The difference between post office
stamp and a donkey is, that you stick
one with lick and tho other you lick
with n stick. ... .s.s
= In q speechon behalf of blind asy-
lum, an English orator gravely remarked,
I" If all the world were blind, what a
melancholy sight it would be-" ''-->
- There is one word in the English
language which Young ladies who study
the grammar of their native tongue can
seldom decline, viz.-husband.
: In Japan, a man goes into society
rs soon rs he knows how to get drunk
IL such was the rule in this country, the
race of fashionablcs would be very large.
During the election in Montreal for
Mayor, thoy had out horse, foot and artil-
lery, to keep the voting poulace proper
Iy intimated.
=" Mamma, mamma! here is a hair
in the bread" =" Hush, no it amt, my
child; its nothing but corn silk" "Who
the mischief ever seen nits on corn sill,
afore?"
"A medical man asked his legal adj
wiser how lie could punish a servant who
had stolen canister Of valuable snuff
81 am not aware Of any act" said-thc
lawyer, "that makes it penal TO take
snuff" 90
- No man or woman is fairly educa-
ted if not accustomed to manual labor
Whatever accomplishments they possess,
whatever their mental training deduc-
tion must be made for ignorance Of that
important branch. ,,.
SAKE was poetizing in public, at
Trenton, the other evening, when the gas
went out; whcreat StxE told the audi
ence that if they wouldn't find fault with
his metre, he wouldn't mention the de-
feet in theirs.
= The young lady who was so deli
cate that she had to have her strawbcr-
rios pared, declared that'she will never
marry without q stipulation that her lius-
band shall live at least one block awny
from her!
- Which causes a girl the most pleas
urc-to hear herself praised or another
run. down. Hard to decide. A bache-
lor friend hazards the suggestion that
"both cases are about cqual;" but allows
that "much may be said on both Sides
A gentleman in steamboat asked
the man who came to collect the passage
money If there was any danger Of being
blown up as the steam made such o llor-
rid noise. ".Not the least" said the
sharp collector, "unless you refuse to
pay your fare"
- The papers tell us that there isSa
Grocer in PENNSYLVANIA, who is said 10 be
SO mean that he was seen to eatch,a fly
off his counter. and hold him up by the
hind logs, and look into the cracks Of lis
feet, TO see if he hadn't been stealing
some Of his sugar.
: "A lady who had been subr anacd
rs witness on q trial, asked her husband,
in great trepidation, what she should say
If the lawyers inquired her age .'Say,'
he replied. "Wby,, tcll thcin you have
not yet reached the years Of discretion"
o. EDO you cast things here ?" inqliir.
cd a, Yankee the other day.. as he saun-
tored into a foundry, and addressed the
proprietor: 1--WE do" " You cast aH
things in iron, eh?' was the next query.
"Certainly--don't you see that Is our
business y =" All, well cost a shadoej