The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1860-07-05
NV wife's Piano.


MY wife's Piano.
The deed is accomplished. My wife has
got piano, ami now farewell to tranquil
mind-farewell content and the evening pa
pers, and the big cigars that makes ambition
virtue, oh, farewell A! "And, oh ye mortal
engines whose rude throats the immortal
Jove's dread clamors counterfeits ~ But stop
I can't bid them all farewell, for one of them
has just arrived. 1t came on a dray. Six men
carried it into the parloI and it grunted aw-
fully. Itweighs ton, shines like mirror,
and has carved Cupils climbing up its limbs
And such lungs-whew! My wife has com
mence to practice, and the first time she
touched the machine, thought we were in
the midst Of thunderstorm, and the lightn-
ing had struck the crockery chest. The cat,
with tail erect, took bee line for particu-
lar friend upon the back fence, demolishing
a six shilling pane of glass. The baby awokc
and the little fellow tried his best to beat
the instrument, but he couldn't do it. 1t
beat him.
A teacher has been introduced in the house.
He says he is the last of Napoleon's grand
army. He wears huge moustache, looks at
me fiercely, smells Of garlic, and goes by the
name of Count Runaway never-come-back-
again by-by. He played an extract de opera
the other night. Herun his fingers through
his hair twice. then grinned, then cooked
his eye up to the cealing, like monkey hunt
ing flies, and then came down on his fingers
and l heard delightful sound similar to
that produced by cockroach dancing upon
the tenor sring Of fiddle. Down come an
other finger, and was reminded of the wind
whistling through knot hole in hen coop.
He touched his thumb, and I thought that l
was in an orchard listening to the distant
braying ofajackass. Now he ran his fingers
along the keys, and thought ola boy run.
ming stick upon store box or a picket
fence. All ola sudden he stopped, and l
thought something had happened. Then
came down both fists, and, oh, Lord such a
noise was never heard before. | thought a
hurrican had struck the house, and the
walls were caving in. imagined was in
the cellar, and ton of coal was falling about
my head. thought the machine had burs-
ted, when the Internal noise stopped and l
heard my wife calculate:
Exquisite - "What the deuce is the
matter?" The answer was, "Why, dear,
that's La Somnambu.ar ~ "D-n Somnam-
5ula" thought I; and the Count rolled up
his sheet of paper. He called it music; but
for the life of me, I can't make it look like
anything else than rail fence with lot Of
juvenile nigge climbing over Before that
instrument of torture came into the house, |
could enjoy myself, but now every darned
woman in the neighborhood must be invited
to hear the new piano, and every time the
blasted thing shrieks out, like locomotive
with the bronchitis. | have to praise its
tone, and when the invited guests are play
ing, have to say, Exquisite" Heavenly
and all such trash, while at the same time, |
know just as much about music as blind
Goldfish. There are more tuning hammers
than comfort in our house, and-and | wish
the inventor of the piano was troubled with
a perpetual nightmare and obliged to SLEEP
| in one of his instruments all his life. AS fol
myself had rather put my head under tin
pan and be drummed to sleep with pair o.
smoothing irons than hear La Somnambula,
or any other La thumped out of piano.
drum together all tho wandering minstrels II
the city, hand organs, banj pes, fiddles, tam
borines, rafting bones and fish horns; le
me be awakened at midnight by the cry o
murder; ring the bells and have a devil of
time generally-do all this, and l will no
complain but Danish the piano. Ny pian
has got to go. am going to launch the in
fernal machine out If the window, the frs
dark night, and, my friends, advise you t
sleep with cotton in your ears, or when sh
gives her dying grunt you will think you'v
fallen out o ia bead, or fallen star has gon
to roest on the house-top. For the informa
ton of''Young America" | will state tina
all the pieces of brass, wire and ivory key
they are welcome to, but the skeleton
want for refrigerator
Did you ever hear what Pat said at Qua