Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-10-27
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

-Gildod roofs and silver door locks
cannot shut out sleepless nights.
When does man sneezo three
times? When he can't help it.
-"Never saw such stirring times"
as the spoon said to the saucepan.
Somebody calls the Great est,
"the bread basket of the World"
Recommend to your children viz
tue. This alone can make them happy
-Ingratitude is so deadly poison
that it destroys the very bosom where
in it is harbored.
He is q brave man who isn't afraid
to wear old clothes until he is able to
pay for new ones.
Venture not to the utmost bounds
Of even lawful pleasure The limits of
good and evil join.
-Prcntice thinks that good mint
!julip is the only sort of green-hor2a that
should be tolerated.
Next to God, we are indebted to
women, first for life itself, and then for
making it worth having,
The man who could not trust his
feelings, is supposed to do business
strictly on the cash principle.
We think that man carries the
borrowing principle trihe too far
when he asks us to lend him our ears.
Why is sheet OF perforated pos
ta@c stamps ike distant rotations? Be
cause they are but slightly connected.
What is the difference between a
$40 note and . wife at forty? One
you can change for two twenties, but
the other You can't,
A Miss Gilmore was courted by
man by the name of Hadducks, who
told her that he needed only one G;H-
more tom:ke him perfect fish.
Most men when anything Disagree
able happens make wry faces. J. B.,
being more philosophical, does just the
contrary, he faces the rye.
There is 10 greater obstacle in the
way of success in life than trusting 70
something to turn up, insted Of going
to work and turning up something.
We notice the death of clerk
named Beliinger, from sucking his pen.
A slight wound in his lip being open,
the ink produced erysipelas and death.
-'Wcu, George" asked friend of
q Young lawyer, chow do Won like your
profession %
Alas! sir, my profession is better
than my PRACTICE
a young gentleman from the ''roo-
raj DISTRICTS" lately advertised for a
wife through the papers, and got an
swers from eighteen husbands that he
could have theirs.
"A little fellow four years old, the
other day nonplussed his mother by
making the following inquiry:
SMother, il a man is a Mister, amt
a woman a Mystery %
= douglas, DEAR" said Douglas
Jerrold's wife, edo you think am gen
orally bad TEN pered ?"
''No, my dear" said he, II think
you are particularly so.''
Prentice Of the Louisville Journal
thus hits the fashion OF low neckel
dresses: at is supposed that angels
do not wear dresses. Our fashionable
ladies ale getting more and more an
gelic every year."
Bad luck is simply man with his
hands in his pockets and his pipe in
his mouth, looking on to see how 1t
will come out. Good luck is man of
pluck, with lis sleeves rolled up, work
to naaAe ii come right.
There is o man in Kentucky, who
has lived go long OH corn bread, that
his hair has turned silk, like that which
grows on the grain, and his toes are so
full Of corns that he expects to see
them covered with husks the next wear,
The pompous epitaph of a close
listed citizen, closed with the following
passage Of scripture:
''Iie that giveth to the poor lendeth
to the Lord" s'Dat may be So" SOIL
oquised Sambo, ''but when dat man
died, de Lord didn't owe i'm red
cent -
A western journalist, whose wife
bad presented him with twins, and who
for this reason, was compelled to neg
lect his paper for one day, wrote, the
day after, the following excuse:
eve were unable to issue our paper
seasonably yesterday, In consequence
Of the arrival Of two extra males"