The Kenosha telegraph and tribune. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1859-1860, 1860-04-12
For THE KENosHA TELEGRAPH
Ezekiel SiRapkHm's Confession.
BY CLARENCE ST. CLAIR.


1t was always my luck to be unlucky.
My very first speculation, which was a
trade i'll jack knives, between a school
mate and myself years ago, wherein
received the post.mortem remains of
what had once been a poor specimen of
tiIo universal Instrument of all Yo~l-ee
dom, for like article of double its val
ue, two tops and the first half dime T
ever owned, was but the commence
ment of series of similar catastrophes
which have followed me in all of my
twlstings, turnings, and peregrinations
throughout this unhappy vale of tears.
Every year from infant-hood when
the deformity of my features was con-
sidered as one of the wonders of the
day, until | attained an age suitable for
the payment of poll taxes (Which oc-
Cured when / was eighteen in spite of
all protestations to the contrary my
physiognomy grew more and more re-
pulslve, and when at last I pursuaded
myself that it was useless for Ezekiel
Slmpkins to contend with fate as in all
such contentious Ezekiel was certain to
beat hasty retreat in the end, [ came
to the wise conclusion to care nothing
for any single individual and but very
little for the community at large but
go on IN my own good way doing what
| could for the personal peneft Of said
Slmpkins, live honestly, labor willing
ly. and bate my fellow mortals assidu-
ously. But alas for the best laid plans
Of trail humanity.
1t was but few weeks after coming
to the determination above referred to
that one day found myself gazing af
ter a pair of pretty feet that passed me
In the street. Now, I was interested
IN those feet; there was something in
the elasticity of their movement, some,
thing in the neat fit of the CATERS which
ensconced them, and above all. some
mysterious witchery in the graceful per.
son to whom they belonged that caused
me to feel a deep interest in those feet.
L went to my room-I locked myself
from the outer world-I sat down in
my study chair-I thought long and in
tently OF myself-my fortune (Which at
that particular time amounted to the
snug little sum of ten dollars) nv future
prospects, and my feet.
would have given every cent pos
sessed, L would have not hesitated al
any sacrifice, yea, / verify believe ]
would have gone so far as to pay my
"Tailors Bill if had been able to have
done so, if by such a proceeding Icoulc
have become personally acquainted will
the owner of those feet.
Where now was my misanthropica
resolutions. This was the first time il
my life that | ever heartily wished {
radical change in my personal appear
ance. Beauty of form or feature / haG
never before desired, and why should
now. All had resolved:to form til,
acquaintance of the beautiful unknown
If | profess no other remarkable menta
quahhcatlons l am courageous few
; indeed are performances I would shrink
from undertaking so long as they d.
not conflict with my sense of honor.
The more l revolved the subject il
my mind. the greater was my determin
f alton to know more of my enchantress
A But how was this to be done. was al
ways man of expedients and upon ;
f little meditation this came to nv aid.
l would wait little;-I would 90 in
; to the streets daily and watch for thos,
feet and when l caught glimpse o
l them | would follow them until they en-
tered some dwelling. l would thel
make enquiries of some urchin in tn
yicinity,-I would learn the name 0
the residents and hers in particular
2 possible, [ would indite an epistle "a.
, st Valentines Day was near at hand
L would send it to her. employing
SAID urchln as carrier, and l doubted
not but by using proper amount O
care, could in the course of time sue.
coed in what was about to undertake