The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1860-08-25
Artemus Ward OH s.Syimniin's Rites"
The ensooing in my chcekcred career is
respectfully submitted
wIHNiN 5 RITss

The ensooing in my chcekcred career is
respectfully submitted;
wIMNiN 5 RIrss.
] pitched my tent in q small tow q in In
fanny one day last seeeon, i while | was
standin at the doore takin money, a depy-
,ashun Of ladies cum up K sed they was
members OF the Bumbumville FeEail Nor
al Reform u Wimiuins Rites Association,
i they axod me if they Good so III and not
pay
No, exactly says I, blu, you can pay
without goin in.
Dew you know who we air 2 sed one of
the wimnin-a tall and ferocious looking
critter, with blew cotton umbreiler under
her arm-"dew you know who we air sir?
My impreshun is, sed l, from a kur-
sery view, that yew air femails
We air, sur, sed the feroshus wouan ;
! we belong to q Society whitch believes
| she is endowed with as much intellect as
/ man-whitch believes in rasin her TO her
proper speer-whitchb believes she is tramp
| led upon Il aboozed-& which will resist
henseith and forever the incroachments
/ of proud and domineerIng man.
DurIn her discors, eXsentric female
! grabbed me by the coat collar and was
! swinging her umbre!ler wildly over my
he'd.
Il hope, marm." sez !, startin back,
that your intenshuns is honeroblel line
lone man, in a strange place, besides I've
n wife at hum"
Yes" cried the femail, 4 she's n slave,
Doth she not dream of freedom; does she
never think Of throwin' off the yoke OF
tyranny il thinkin' a voting for herself
Doth she never think ofthose here things?'
Not ben na,rol born fool, sez l, by
Il e l. .T.l.
that she doth not"
%, whot. whot" screamed the femail,
swingin her umbreller in the air, 90, whot
is the price that a woman pays for her ex
perience"
Il don't know, sez /; "the price to
my show is l5 cents per indiwiduol"
"N can't our society SO in free?' axed
the femail
mot if know it," sed l.
"Crooil. crooil man. she said, & burs,
into tears.
Won't you let my darter in?'sed
anuther of the eXsentric wimmin, taker
me affeckshunately by the hand. 80
! please let my darter in-she's a swee
gushin child of natur.'
, Let her gush!' roared ], rs mad as
, Good stick at their tarnal noncents ''lc
,. her cusk.' whs reupon they all sprung
: back with the simultaneous observashul
| that was beest.
, My femail friends sed l, "be4 yol
= leave I've a few remarks to remark; WI
. them well. The female woman Is of th'
greatest institooshuns of which this lan6
can boste It's onpossible to get alon;
without hir Had there bin no femai
women in the world, should scarcely b'
= here with my unparrellelld show on thi
ho, sepishes oscashun; She is good s1 III il
time 30, woman, woman!' cride, m
. feelings wurked up to hi poetic pitch
:. you are an angel, when you behave your
: self; but when you talk off your prope
# APPAREL (metty yiorically speaking) and &c
# iuto my pantyloons-when you desel
N your firesides, Il with your heds full
~ wimmins rites noshuns 60 round Ink
q a roarin lion. seeking whom you may a.
your sumbody-in short, when you unde
n take to play the man. you play the dev
20 IL air an emfatic noosance. My tema
o friends" continued, as they was indi
n nantly departin, "wa we'll what A. Wal
of has said"