The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-11-17

. that drealifn! nightmare scr bad last night
Old Sarah, the frss and great Dutchess o
Marlborough used to say that she was bon
before perres cams into fashion cnd sh,
nevee said a sruer thing. for green tea cam
in about thai time. asd sthe cup that cheer,
bat NOS inebria.es,' began to do its deaal,
work upon us Brisoas.a
| sDo the Chinese d.iak green teafs
inqnired.
s.Yss.., he replied, "the real Young
sprouts of the shrub, but no. the glazed
abamination sent over here thar is manu-.
I.farurei by them expressly to suit the bar.
barian."
s.Bu. is tbere no ssawholesome? ?'' we al
cried in astenishmens.,
| s.Ye..p retorted old Rou.itous. tsrsly.
"your good strong Congou al IS. Is. is gen.
erally pure d6less you happen to get some
old tea leaves redried. There are people
who 90 about to ci1b houses TO collect old
tea-leayes. not to brush carpets with, ba, to
re-curl and dry and sell again. If you hap
pen to take cop that tastes like hay. be
sure that there has been a resurrection from
,heteapoe. Hundreds Of tons Of it are made
in London yearly"
slave an anchovy, Bob ?'
| sThsv ain's anchovies,' interp osed our
old friend. "Do you think they can afford
to give you real anchovies at a shilling u
bottle? tell you what they are, Dutch
| fsh colored and favored to suit the market:
i that strong red paste in which they swim is
bold armenian, a ferruginous earth. You
must eat your peek Of dirt before you die,
you know"
sMy dear Mr.. Routitout," interposed a
quiet genilemanly man of our party, "take
pinch of snuff to restore your equaGimi-
ty."
Oar quiet friend might just as well have
trodden at that moment On the tail Of Puff
adder.
Old Rousitout took pinch with mock
serenity, and said, ..Yes, if | wish to be
poisoned. Do you ever feel weakness in
your wrist, ms dear friend, eh -
"Good gracious, me no sir 70
swell, then, if you will only persist long
enough in taking this kind Of snuff, you will
gradually find your hands fall powerless at
the wrist, like the fore paws of Kangaroo"
Here was another sensation, and We all
looked for some explanation.
sYou think you are taking nothing
but powdered tobacco" said our old friend,
glaring at the snufIer, '.but tell you there
is either chromate Of potash, chromate of
lead or red lead in it to give it color, and
You get saturine poisoning ass consequence.
''Come take pickle ?'' archly iuterposed
that iucorrigible Bob, determined to rile our
tormentor, ''the vinegar won't disagree with
you.'
'.You are not verdant enough to suppose
that is the natural color of the vegetable,
suppose?" retorted old Routitout, harpoen-
ing a gerkin with bis fork.
$50 be sure | am, my Diogenes," that
youth replied, ''come, get out of your tub
and descant."
"Then give Dingenes q stsel fork, a knit
ting neede--anythng OF bright steel will
do TO touch this verdant lie and show you
the ugly venomous thing it contains. Now
let that knife remain in the jar for an hour
and perhaps We shall learn the secret of
these verdant pickles. The very vinegar is
falsiied.o
"While you are about it you may as well
attack the whole cruett stand -
"Nothing easier in the world. That primo
| Durham Mustard for instance, is delusion
and snare. There's scarcely a bit of mus
tard that you can get pure at any price,
| This stuff is nothing more than 95 per cent.
of wheaton -four. Just dash of pure mus
tard, tumeric to paint il up to concer. pitch,
and black pepper TO make 1t sting and you
have been laboring under the deusion all the
| while that you have been eating mustard,
| sir.'
"Pon my honor, have" replied Bob /;
"but what about the vinegar"
"When do you particularly ike vinegar 2"
swell, to tell you the truth, ike dash
on native, taken standing at an oyster
stand, just to cool ones coppers after the
! OPERA"
"juss so," said Mr.. Routitous, gravelv
drawing from his pocket note book. "Fll
let DIR. Hassall have a word with you--this
is what he says for your special comfort -
"We have found some samples of vinegar
! to consist of little else than sulphnric acid
| colored with sugar. il is in low coffee houses
and oyster stalls that such vinegar is not
uneommonly met with" So you see, nv
friend, you arc in the habit of cooling your
copper with vitriol, sir, vitriol -
snow them" said Bob, not half liking it,
''serve ont the pepper my boy"
"Weil, pepper-what you call pepper-is
| mainly -four and linseed meal favored with
u. p. ID.
"What in the name of all that's sacred is
d. p. u.
sob, ID. p. d. is short for dust of pepper
dust-the sweepings Of the mill. The man
ufacturcrs supply it to grocers in barrels, 80
that they can fslsify at pleasure"
s'Don't forget the soy whileyou are about
it,"
swell, that's nothing more than treacle
and salt. so says HassaII, and the fsii-sauce
nothing but vinegar and cat.up colored with
what do you think 20
s.Can't teli.'
"Minusc chips Of charred deall 70
"Come,"I interposed, ''after all these
disagreeables, allow me to recommend you
one of these sweetmeats. What will YOU
have?--a mutton chop, rasher of bacon,
or an oyster all done in ,ugar-or here's a
cock coiored to the life."
ssCharming bird certainlv; and so you
recommend this cock for delicate stom-
ach ~
swell drop it in your pocket, and dare
say one of the lite Routitouts will not make
wry faces about it,"
"Won't they think know something
about this amiaSlc bird. Look at his bright
yellow bsak-well, saat's only chromate of
lead, and those blood red wat,les-thsre is
nothing more injurious in their color than
vermiilion. Those beautiful stripes Of yell
low on the wings are gamboge, and the yer.
dans stand on which he is strutting. is arse
Mate Of copper, or Schsele's Green-three
deadly peisons and a drastic purge! Per-
! haps now you would like one Of your youn-