The Placer herald., 1860-12-22
My Cruelty to NV Relatives.

flrst time since my marriage, and don't
know what evil genius prompted the wicked
ness | acknowled gre, with tears in my eyes,
that it was such,) that perpetrated towards
my wife and ancient relative.
"My DEAR" said to my wife, on the day
before my aunt's arrival, ''you know Aunt
Mary is coming to morrow; well, forgot to
mention rather annoying circumstance in
regard to her. She's very deaf and although
she can hear my voice to which she is accus.
toned, in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order to
be heard 1t will be rather incohvenient,
but | know you will do everything in your
power to make her stay agreeable"
Mrs. s., announced her determination to
make herself heard if possible.
then went to John Thomas, who loves a
joke as well as any person know Of, and
told him to be at my house at six o'clock, on
the following evening, and felt comparative.
ly happy.
went to the railroad station with car
riage the next evening, anA when | was on
my way home | said, my dear aunt, there
is one rather annoying ntirmity that Amelia
has, which forgot to mention before. She's
very deaf, and although she can hear my
voice. with which she is familiar, in its or
dinary tones, yet you will be obliged to
speak extremely y loud in order to be heard
I'm sorry for it."
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart
protested that she rather liked spaking loud
and to do SO would afford her great pleasure
The carriage drove UPON the steps was
my wfe-at the window was John Thomas
with face as utterly solemn as if he had
that afternoon buried all his relatives
handed out my aunt-she had ascended
the steps.
81 am delighted to see vou," shrieked my
wife, and the policeman on the opposde side
OF the street started, and my aunt nearly
fell down the steps.
kiss ne, my dear" howled my aunt and
the hall lamp clattered, and the windows
shook as with the fever and ague. looked
at the window John had disappeared.-
Human nature could stand it no longer |
poked my head into the carriage, and went
into convulsions.
When entered the parlor, my wife was
he ping Aunt Mary to take off her bonnet
and cape; and there sat John with his face
of woe.
Suddenly, "Did you have pleasant jour
ney" went off my wife, like a pistol, and
John Thomas fairly jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty" was the response, in a
war whoop, and so the co ver.ation ended.
The neighbors for streets around must
have heard it; when | was in the third story
of the building, | heard every word plainly.
In the course Of the evening my aunt took
occasion to say to me, How loud your wife
speaks Doesn't it hurt her?"
told her all deaf people talked loudly,
and that my wife being used to it was not
affected by the exerton, and that Aunt Mary
was getting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said softly, calf, how
very loud your aunt talks?"
"Yes," said |, call deafpersons do. You're
getting along with her finely; she hears every
word you say"
And rather think she d;d.
Elaed at their success at being understood,
they went at it, hammer and tongs until
everything on the mantlep;ece clattered
again, and US seriously afraid of a crowd
collecting in front of the house.
But the end WAS near. My aunt, being of
an investigating turn of mind, was desirous
of finding out whether the exertion of talk
ing so loud was not injurious to my wife
So she said, in an unearthly hoot, for her
voice was not as musical as when she was
young. doesn't talking so loud strain your
lungs?"
1T is an exerton," shrieked my wife.
Then why do you do it?" was the answer
ing scream.
se-because-you can't hear if
DON'T" squealed my wife.
"What" roared my aunt, fairly rivaling
a railroad whistle this time.
| began to think it time to evacua:e the
premises; and looking round, and seeing ohm
gone, | stepped into the back parlor and
there he lay, flat on his back, with his feet at
a right angle with his body, rolling from
side to side, with his feet poked into his ribs,
and most agonized expression Of counte
nance, but not uttering sound. | Iimmedi-
ately and involuntary assumed a similar at
titude; think that from the relative posi-
ton Of our boots and heads, and our at
tcmpts to restrain our laughter, apopexy
must have Immediately ensued, if horrible
groan which John gave vent to, in his endea'
vor to redress his visibility, had not betrayed
our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who by this
time comprehended the joke; and such a
scolding as | then got | never got BEFORE
and hope never to Get again.