Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1860-06-18
THE MATRIMONIAL DISCUSSION.
Remarks suggested by the Communicates
of a ssWidow >,


regard TO matrimOny. If this were done more
frequently, perhaps there would not be such
generally erroneous notions of its character and
claims; and this Divine appointment might be
freed from many Of its abuses
The contributor to your columns, alluded to,
has given expression to sentiments which we
have only too many evidences to convince us
are widely held. But though this is so, we are
not bound to subscribe to them What is COM
monty believed is not by any means always
true. On the contrary, the most important
verities are often those which are most uni
versslly neglected.
The great mistake made by the Widow, ;" as
1, seems Is in attaching so much importance
TO wealth; or rather, in throwing over il light
which is clearly not its own. Her principle is
something akin to that Of the Scotchman, who
said TO his son "Mak sillar, Jock, max silIer
honestly if you can, but max 1t 90 Money
is certsinly valuable. We all have a little
too much Of the 'material" in our constitution
to suppose otherwise. 1t is a very worthy OBJ
jsct of desire; and there is no possible objec-
ton to the proper pursuit of it. Beside,
man 5 success in the accumulation of property
shows that he is possessed of some virtues 1t
Is very seldom, too, that fortune favors a sloth
He who has by his own exertiOns gained
wealth, must certainly have some share of
active, energetic, and industrious. But
no large amount Of intelligence is re-
quIsite to pecuniary prosperity; and
man may reach the very pinnacle of
success in this particular, and still possess
none of those qualities of the highest sort which
give human nature its dignity Whether this
is usually the case or not is another question;
but very few persons, after consideration, will
come 10 any other conclusion than that this all
engrossing pursuit of wealth tends inevitably
to crush every noble instinct.
Now, as has been said, it is not denied that
there is such thing as a proper search after
worldly prosperity. If a mans efforts in that
direction are prompted and guided by intel
hgence and real virtue success will be good
for him. If he regards wealth merely as a
means toward the attainment of something
higher and better, let him have it, and eyery1
body will rejoice. But ii he considers money
rs an end-if the thing itself is looked upon as
constituting life's highest gOod-then he de-
grades himself in the pursuit, and units him
self, not only for the married state, but for
every other position in society. Industry and
enterprise should be encouraged There is
no objection to that-but then they should be
rightly directed. They are beneficial to So
ciety only as they contribute to society's gen
eral and permanent improvement.
If money is desired simply to enable us to
take conspicuous places in society, certainly
that Is an unworthy motive. II is an unrea-
sOnable motive; for if persons would only re-
fleet they naHSt see what pitiably insignii-
can't distinction is thus conferred. The honor of
position in society rests upon more solid stuff
than that. Real respect of an enlightened COM
munity must be bought at higher rate
Such notions as are expressed by the ovid
owl say il with all due respect because I
/ know she has too much of the true woman in
her TO be willing to put her own doctrine in
prsctice-but such notions, was about to saw
are a very good index of the mushroom spirit
of the times. The present is decidedly an age
Of uPstarts. II is an age in which every wait
lng-mald apes the manners and habits of her
mistress, and in which every two-penny-a-box
match seller labors to make himself - respect
able" by giving big parties and inviting dis
tinguished guests. People are tired of the old
arrangements of society. The day when a man
stood upon his merit, and that alone is almost
forgotten; and he now is most honored who is
most richly endowed with shillings, and she
most ardently sought in marriage who possesses
''whOle acres Of charms. - Men and women
nowadays want TO outstrip time. They are
unwilling to wait for the regular order of
things They want te be higher than they are
but they expect TO accomplish the rise by other
than the appointed means. The truth is, they
are running wild on the subject 1t is natural
that they should have aHl5itiOH-it is right
and desirable. But ambition in this country
has taken upon itself almost entirely the form
Of discomfort. Instead Of quiet, steady, digni-
fed, rational efforts on the part of the people
to benefit their condition, we see everywhere
an impatient Misunderstanding soon to envy
and jealousy, and then TO all sorts of absurd
attempts 10 leap ovey distinctions which thew
are unable or indisposed to break down
No, no-when positions are judged of by the
m )ney standard, 1t argues that the community
is losing its virtue II indicates a corrupt state
of morals; and it is high time the people were
learning 70 base their action upon souader and
better principles.
Let n ha iuoI
character. Let him be valued Just as this is
good If he has disciplined his mind and
heart-if he has practised himself in all that is
yirtuous, and constantly endeavored TO turn
his back upon yice-if he has exercised the
powers Of his head End hand so that he can
bring them fully to play in all circumstance
If his life has been one of training rather than
mere acquisition, and he stands before US a
man OF honor, Of integrity, Of Intellectual
strength, and vigorous will-then he is entitled
90 our respect and praise; and that too though
he possess neither money nor impotence. 1t
is his own industrial qualities, and not the
mere accidents Of birth or riches, that give him
q claim upon our regard.
g No poor geltIeBsaH will address a ladyIp
Ha. If that Uers true. borax and boiled milk
could be got almost for nothing, Believe it or
not, but such hesitation would stop three
fourths Of the marriages, "And three fourths
Of the misery too, ;" did hear the widow say?
Nell, poSStOtY snes rlgnt-Dut claim the
privilege of my position TO put in demurrer
She has seen one side Of the question. the
other Neither, perhaps, is able 20 give Just
decision; but truth Is developed by antagonism:
and we may learn moderation from each others
excess. Il ri =
That there are unhappy marriages no one
denies and there may be large number Of
them But then it remains to be proved that
the majority are unhappy, and, whether thew
are not, that marriage under ann conditions
isn't preferable 70 the bitter solic;tn5s Of a
single life 1t is hard to find a man who i an
uDkindness Every husband has in hin soros
mixture Of good; and until am Convinced ~ a.
in the greater number of cases this good bo-'
ever little, Is wholly buried in the bad I,u
join in no very vehement denunciations of mar,
riage
50 far from believing that poor man ought
not to address the lady he loves, decIal
frankly think such conduct is perfectly ex-
c s1ble-nsy, consider it his bounden duty
TO address her. He owes il to himself, and to
her; and the neglect would be unpardonable
But there's difference toto eaLo fetwesn zd
dJeSStHg and marrying. Let lovers m Ike their
confessions to each other ss often and as fully
as they please; but they mustn't be altogether
forgstful Of the 'sloayes and fishes" The airy
existence which love promises will not do for