Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-12-07
Funnygraphfc.

How sharp your toe nails are p as
Paddy said when he caught the hornet.
~ A butchers business should be indie
pendent; he conducts it on his own hook.
D6 He who asks no questions at all is
queer, but he who asks many questions is
the querist. .s. ro 1aEa.s.
u Appropriate expression for husband
whose wife has presented him with twins
20, gemini" ...,.. ... r"v ...-,g
A S FFlo1ENr EXPLANATION. - Tom -
"What ails your eye, Joe?'
JOEL told man he lied."
~"You want nothing, do you sn said
Pat. "Bedad, an it it's nothing you want
you'll find it in the jug where the whisky
was" .... .a..a.- :.
W A little one, after undergoing the
disagreeable operation of vaccination,
exclaimed "Now won't have to be bap-
tized, will 90 "
16rA lady, in reply to some guests who
praised the mutton on her table, said "Oh,
yes, my husband always buys the best he
is great epicac." - sa
pa. The red, white and blue - the red
SuVChc, euC " utLO tCOtb3 uiuS SSCS vi o
lovely girl, are as good flag as a young
soldier in the battle OF life need fight for.
W-Among the curiosities lately added to
the museum, is a fies's bladder, containing
the soule of twenty -four misers, aud the for
tunes OF twelve printers. It is nearly half
tull. n9 e
H6Jim Patton as describing a wonder
full large tree " which he saw dug from bog
in Ireand-s'It was" said he, s'sixty and five
feet without limb or body and the little end
the biggest. 49,.
sW There is man down east who kept
such poor sheep that it took six of the poor
critters to cast shadow! Finally they got
so weak they hadn't strength to draw their
last breath. IN
T Nov, then, my hearties," said o
gallant captain, ''you have tough battle
before you; fight like heroes till your pow
der is out, then run! Pm little lame,
and I'll start nowr'
VIM D. Totty was executed near Rich
mond, Va, on the 10th inst, for the murder
of his sister in-law. He tried to induce her
to elope with him, and she refusing to do so,
ne shot her.
~ "Your honor" said lawyer to the
Judge, ''every man who knows me, knows
that am incapable If lending myself to
mean cause. " That's so, "said his opponent !;
stthe learned gentleman never lends himself
to mean cause he always gets cash down
v There is a conciseness and poetry in
the following eptaph that it IS pleasant to
remember, and may serve as model:
e Here lies
Elizabeth Wise . ..
She died of thunder sent from heaven
In l777.' ...-... -. -
Practical THEOLOGY. - A secular paper
referring to q receat theological work inquir-
ing how sin came into the world, says:-
"There are matters of more Importance than
that inquiry. Ii there is apig in your gar
deu, you had better busy yourself in driving
it out, than in speculating as to how it got
in"
nBAt debating club the question was
discussed whether there was more happiness
| in the possession or pursuit Of an object
"Mr. President said an orator, ''suppose l
was courtin' agirl, and she was to run away
and was TO run after her wouldn't be
happier when Icatched her than when was
running after her." .1'
TKsr OF DRUNKENNEss.-Forln it was
the custom to insist upon making man who
had 'staken something" repeat the words
s'National inteligencer." II he pronounced
them correctly, he was all right. Now the
test is changed. When you are In doubt as
to your ebrety, utter aloud, the following
sentence :.The scenery is truly rural about
here" If you don't blunder, Sail is well'
n6r Artemus Ward says, ''The moosit
which line most use to is s.hsinspirin ssranes
of the hand origin. hire an artistick Italyr
tn grind for me, payin him his vittles & clos,
& spose it was them strsnes which onst pu
d moosical tsste intu me. Like ali furiner
he has seen better dase, 7havin tprmly binH,
4 Kount. But he aint of much skount nov
except 20 turn the hand origin and drink beer
I Of which bevridge he can hold a churn full
4 easy, .s8 sspU - 20 15l'aAF o. s'''
I 1rOur Mesey went ont to see his sswee
1hearte the other night, and on his returi
we asked hin how matters were progressing
when he replied: :i3 - -.
i clasped her tiny hand in mire,o olne "
Embraced her slender torm.; agigps
vowed to shield her from the wind
4 And from the world $ cold storm. :
Il 10. She ther ,buteons eyes on me ;y ,af.
: ush The pearly tears did flow, -. =.
II q . And with her pearly lips she said ''
Il iiaLt stTlo1 hAok lvAso 1ot mo po y,