Union County star and Lewisburg chronicle. [volume] (Lewisburg, Pa.) 1859-1864, 1860-07-20
TAKING THE CENSUS"
scExE-A RED HOUSE IN THE couSTa

scESE-A RED HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY
Inquisitor. Good morning, madam. l.
the head Of the family at home!
Mrs. TouchpoOa. Yes, sir; am al
home.
Inq Haven't you husband?
Mrs. T-Yes, but he amt the head Of
the family, IA have you know.
Inq-How many persons have you in
your family?
Mrs. T.-Why, bless me, sir, what's
that to you! You're mighty iuquisi,ive,
think.
Ina-I'm the man that takes the census.
Mrs. T-If you was a man in your SEN
ses, you wouldn't Ak such impertineDt
questions.
Iuq.-Don', be affron;ed, old lady, but
answer my questions as | ask them.
Mrs T.-Auswer a fool according to
his folly you know what tie Scriptures
say. "Old lady," indeed
Inq-I beg your pardon, madam, but
l don't care about hearing Scripture, just
a, this moment. I'm bound to GO accord
ing to Law, and no. according to Gospel.
Mrs. Tt should thiuk you went nei-
,her according to law nor Gospel. Wha,
business is it to you to inquire into folk,
ses affairs, Mr. ThingabOb +!
Iuq.-The law makes it my business,
good woman and, if you don't want to
expose yourself to its penalties, you must
answer my questions.
Mrs. T.-Oh, it's the law, is it? Tha:
alters the case. Bu. l should like to
know what business the law has with peo-
PIES household matters?
Iuq-Why, Congress made the law,
and if i, doesn', please you, you must talk
to them.
Mrs. Talk to fiiles.icks. Why,
Congress is a fool, and you're another.
Inq-Now, good lady, you're fine
locking woman; if you'll only give me
few civil answers, I'll thank you. What
l wish to know, first, is, how many there
are in your family?
Mrs. T.-Let me see-[counting heI
fingers there's and ny husbands one
Inq-Two, you mean.
Mrs. T-DOn't put me out, Mr.. Thin
gummy l and ny husband is one.
Inq,-Are you always one?
Mrs. T.-What's that to You? if you
don't leave of interruPtipg me, won''
say another word. [Agaiu counting hei
fngers.] There's l and my husband !:
one; there's John. he's tive; Peter i:
three; Sue and Moil are four, and Thorn
as is Eve. Aud there's Mr.. jenkins ant
bis wife aud two children, is six; ant
there's JoSler, he's seven
Inq.-Jowler! Who's he?
/ Mrs. T.-Who's Jowler? Why, who
should be be but the old house dog?
Ina-It's the number Of persons | wan
+ to know.
| Mrs. T.-Very well, Mr.. FlippergiD
amt Jowler person? Come here, Jos
Ter, and speak for yourself. I'm sure be-
as personable a dog as there is in tn
whole State.
Inq.-He's very clever dog, no doubt
but it's the number Of human beings
want to know.
Mrs. T.-Human There amt q NOR
human dog ever breathed.
Inq-Well, but mean the two-legge'
kind of beings.
Mrs. TO, the two-legged, is it
We'll, then, there's the old rooster, he
seven the fighting cock is eight, and tn
bautum is nine-
Iuq-S,op, stop, good woman, beg o
YOU. don't want 10 know the Dumbe
of your fowls.
. Mrs. Tim very sorry, indeed, tha
l can't please you, such asweet gentlemal
as you are. Bu, didn't you tell me it wa
the two legged beings?
! Inq.-Tha. is true, but l didn't meal
the hens.
Mrs. TO, now I understand you
The gobbler is seven, the hen turkey i
eight, and if you'll wait week there'l
be parcel of young ones, for the old bel
turkey is setting on a whole snarl Of eggs
IDq-Hang your turkeys!
| Mrs. TO, don't, now, good Mr.. Hip
persticher. They're as honest turkeys a
any in the country.
Inq-Don't vex me any more; In
getting to be angry.
F! Mrs. Tia, ha, ha!
! Inq.-lSriding about the room 10
rage.] Have a care, madam, or l shal
fly out of my skin.
Mrs. T.-Ifyou do, l don't know Who'll
fly in.
Iuq.-You do all you can to anger me
rs the two legged creatures who talk
l have reference to.
Mrs. TO, now l understand you
Well, then, our Poll Parrot makes seven