American Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1855-1860, 1860-02-23
lProm the clereland nerald.l
A Benightsd Ashtabulian Goes to See Lola
Montez.

A Benightsd Ashtabulian Goes to See Lola
Montez.
A melancholy looking figure took the
Lake Shore cars for home lrst evening"
Originally be had evidently been green e.
nough to deceive hungry COW into the
belief that be was good to eat, but the
hSud Of man or woman had Illuminated
him with rainbow hues. One eye had
closed. for the time on tsrrrestial matters.
the last object it bad seen having been
mul;itudinous stars. The classic nose had
heen expanded in its dimensions. and sun
dry scratches had ornamented the expires
sivs face. In the language Of Colonel Mac
beth, bis clothes were "sorry sight
The story OF his troubles was affecting,
and made us blow our nose repeatedly -
Clark Warren could scarcely prevent him
self from faintiug in Depot Master Robin
son'sarms at the recital Nothing prevent.
ed that catastrophe. but the fact that neth'
sfof them we're there.
The unhappy innocent was benighted
Ashtabulian. He came up yesterday morn
ing 10 do some "dcksr," aud see tht
sights. Heard Lola Montez was In town
Had hearn tell OF her afors. Would Ike
to SOS her. Fell in with a moe young mar
and told him that be should. Nice young
man shook his hand cordially and said
"Lucky man that YOU are. am her pri
vste secretary. Name Of Barnes. Yor
shall So, her. and that right off. Lett
drink" Took a drink. Went up town
Tooktwo or three drinks with nics younl
man. Come to saloon, and was told Lol'
was "around." Private Secretary sail
Lola was on the "moral dodge" but ths
she was an old rip.snorter on the sly
and had come to the saloon for BIT Of fu
Was introduced 10 dasbiug gal, who bat
cigar in her mouth and whisksy punot
in her hand. She slapped him on the back
Said he was a jolly green old buck. ant
asked his mother's health. Told her sh,
was well, and then at the supposed Lola
suggestion they drank to the boalth of tn
maternal PARENT. Lola became very frenl
". and the Ashtabu,ian's eyes snapre
like the whisk Of a 6re.fy's tail Of din
evening. Took another drink. Lola ex'
outed pas ssui. ending in polka whic
astonishod Ashfabulian. who had never be
fore taken the floor. Ashtabuliau gs.tin
over bead and ears in love. Took snoths
drink all round. Lola pumped down |
his lap, and told him he looked Just lik
her dear old "King Of Bavarly'" Put be
arms around his neck and embraced hir
sffectionately. Ashiabuly felt his hea
swim around aod his heart executing
double shuttle beneath his "wsski'." tn
charming "countess" put hr haud on lll
Aforesaid "weskit" to feel the humping
Love mads Ashtabula thirsty and he ol
dered drinks all around. Put biz hand !
"weskit" for the V he had snuely stowe
away there--but it had fed. Bar tende
derisivsly incredulous. and doubted IN
existence Of tho alleged piece Of vSluabl
engraving. Ashtabula appealed to III
supposed Lola. She applied the tip Of h.
thumb TO the end OF her nose. and expand
ed her diglts like a fan, Asbtabul. bega
70 smell a large mice, when she Spoie
his smelling by delivering . tremendou
zone. two." on bis "olfaotory." seriousl
damaging that important organ. This al
followed up by a sudden extension OF h'
right arm which effected Temarkab
"bunging up" ofhis left ''peeper."
Ashtabuls began to think he wssn
wanted. aud prepared to lsavs. His CT
terlaiuers acted on the advice to 1--WE
come the coming and spNd the par,in
guest" BY kicking him out Of Doors Cor
cluded that the "privAte secretary" was
mean skunk" and Lola mo better lha
she should be-, wise conclusion, RI
solved to return to"Ashtabula" at once.
Wa advised consultation with the Pc
lice. bat our advice was declined with
shake OF The head. al aiu't going to fac
them cusIsS again, | tell you. I'm goin
home. Lor'. Il my Maria hearns tell I
this. | shall catch II.
We asked who MARIA" WAS. He cal
she was h,s ''old woman" We hope. 4
his s.ks. that Maria don't see the Hsralt
II fshe does twill go hard with him. H
hair looked badly in want OF eombing,-
She will probably comb 1t with milGr
stool. Alas poor AshtAbulyl