The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-03-31

e. II people |" knew themselves" some
folks would make very bad acquaintance.
e. The best adhesive label you can put
on baggage is to stick to it yourself.
CO Why is miser ike seasoned TIM
ters Because he never gives. 81
Why is a man eating immediately
like On evil spirit? Because he's goblin.
fT As We grow old, it 10 with hearts ~
with heads Of hair-nos easy to distinguish
the true from the false.
CT Why does kiss repeated puzzle
young ladies 50 delightfully."-
Because it is a re-buss.
eT A friend has dog so very serious
that even his tail has not the least bit Of
wag to it.
CT In what ship, and in what capacity,
do yonng ladies like to engage? In court
ship, as marry ners.
cy A chap, on being asked what he
would do if he was banished to the woods,
said he thought he would split.
CT The man who stock walk" the 9TH
er day and bronght il back again, but the
next day took ride and went off with it.
-
CO A benevolent old gentleman used TO
give wood away by the cord, in order as
he said to have il re. corded above.
About the only person we ever heard
that was..'. spoilt by being lionized, was
Jew mined Danial. !.
CT How comforting to many must BY
the conviction that they are constitutional.
" exemp. from any disease Of the brain.
The sun is "a very bright baby but the
gentle noon, when she steps in between
him and the earth, takes the shine out Of
hun.
CT The Louisiana Baptist says !" No
one ought to send marriage notice to.an
editor without the name Of the bridegroom
asa cash, subscriber. Don's forget.
~ luz AloauJ htlao aHu AtSuo soy .
that the two divisions Of the Black Repub-
TlcanT party are best distinguished as the
s. Pro. Bates and the Repro Bates"
fSy There are some men who will walk
up to the lannon's mouth, and some wo-
men who viii walk up to lovers mouth
without shrinking.
er Some sharpers seem to act upon the
assumption that, if they cheat poor fell
low out of his land, he has no ground for
complaint.
CT The meanest man in the world lives
in London. He buttons his shirt with wa
fers and looks at his money through a mag
nifyips glass.
CT Can any of QUE fashionable ladies
tell why the Lord, when he made Eve from
one of Adams ribs, didn't make hired
girl from one Of his fingers or toes.
fY~"What branch of eduetion do you
IS chiefly have in your sehooI?'' A branch of
birch. sir; the master has used ulmos. a
whole tree" 1,4sr4s.z.e...a g
ca" man of rank hearing that two of
his female relations had quarrelled, asked,
Did they cali each other ugly?" mo-"
We'll, well, shall reconcile them"
60 1t is said that q Yankee baby
will crawl out of his cradle, take a sur
vey fit, invent an Improvement, and apply
for patent before he ls six months old.
"Are you Christian Indian 20
nsk ed n pprsnu of nd hurnDt oF aS IanLo
"No," sail the sturdy savage, :. whis-
key Indian"
IL When IN Irish girl was asked, few
days ago, where her mistress WAS, who had
gone to u water, cure establishment, she
replied that her ladyship had gone 10 soak.
y 1t - common saying Of moralists
that the lower order Of animals have not
the vices Of man, yet it is certain that some
OF the insects are back biters and all Of the
quadrupeds are taIe-bearers. g.. N--.rE
CO little one, after undergoing the
dlsagreeabie operation of vaccination, ex-
claimed - p
"Now will not have to be baptised, will
4, mama ~ -F- :~4 - 40
"Among all my boys" said an old
man, ''l never had but one to take after me
and that was my son Aaron, who took after
me with club.'
CO / wonder, Lucy. how it feels to kiss
one OF those horrid creatures with a NOUS
saehe. Indeed don't know, but Pm going
to get the hearth broom and try it. =
- a. 49, s.s
There only nhIonfi,n IN
pie who ''mean well,'' and that is, they
never can spare time to carry out their
meaning.
CT A person, speaking of a drink be
once had occasion to indulge in, says he
could not tell whether it was brandy or a
,orchlisht procession seat was going down
his throat.
6S 4 dub boat has been built in New
York, which is so nicely balanced, that the
rowers are obliged to be particular in part
Ing their hair down in the middle, to keen
their balance.
90 A popular writer says that a woman
"shouhi be WOO by degrees" Certainly
win first her ears and eyes, then her heart,
then her head, then her lips, and then her
hands. 80 -
- s-s---
l5"A dying West India planter groaning
to his favorite servants, sighed out, "Ah
Sambo, am goingona long. long journey.'
sNever mind, massa," said the negro, con
soiingly, sit an, all TIE toay dopa."
CT An Irish gentleman lately said to
another: 81 i called to sec yonr FANNY but
they were not at home; and suppose they
had gone to ride in carriage which was
standing at the door"
fSy~ A. K. says that hc expects to be
noie IN q short time to paw every thing that