Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1860-03-16

Scraps from Old Newspapers.

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For the Bellows salls Tunes
Scraps from Old Newspapers.
| PREFAcE.-"Men the most celebrated
for learning and wisdom have INDUCED
themselves in recreations. Cyrus aud Al
exandcr admired hunting; Cicero would
play like kitten; Plato would turn fd-
dleri Socrates gallopped about with chill
dren, upon n hobby horse 4aIsop would
unbcnd his bow. And why may not the
man of business amuse his leisure. or the
valctudnarian while AWAY the tedious
hour by listening to or pcrusng TIE etiu-
sions of wit and humor'
! LITERARY SEAsoNING.-In preparing
works for the press, il is customary for the
printer, after the proof sheet has teen seen
by the author, to 60 over it again and clear
it of what are called typographical errors.
Such as wrong spelling, inaccuracies of
punctuation, &c. In performing this Office
for celebrated northern critic and author,
printer, now dead was in the habit of in
tfoduciug greater number Ct commas
than it appeared TO the author the sense
required. The case was provoking, but
did not produce formal remonstrance un-
til Mr.. W--n himself, accidentally af-
forded the learned author an opportunity
of signifying his dissatisfaction with the
plethora of punctuation under which his
compositions were made to labor. The
worthy printer coming to passage one
day, which he could not understand, very
naturally took il into his head that ii was
unintelligible, and transmitted it TO his en-
ployer with remark in The margin that
'1here appeared some obscurity in it, The
sheet was Immediately returned with this
reply,-"Mr Jeffries sees no obscurity here,
except such as arises from the id
quantity of commas which Mr.. W--n
seems to keep in pepper box beside him,
for the purpose of busting his proofs"
SEVERE REPRooE.-The great Sultan
Mohammed was once applied to by poor
widow for orders against those who had
I killed her son. He replied that the great
distance of Irak from Gazna, rendered it
very difficult for him TO redress such dsor-
ders. "Why them" the disconsolate mother
asked, "do you conquer more territory than
you can govern, or render an account for
at the day of Judgment" Z"
| WEAR AND TEAR OF MArRrMoNY.--
| A poor person residing in Greenock, ap-
! piled to have two of his children admitted
on the poor roll. allow many have you y
said the worthy baillie. "Fivc and twenty,
sir" replied the petitioner. "FIpe and
tacentyi" echoed the baillie, 4and all by one
wife 2" 'Oh no SIR replied the poor man,
Il am wearing the fourth"
PRoDIGALITY.-Afe fellow stepped up TO
the bar of a country tavern and authorta-
lively called out, Landlord let's have a
glass of water and cracker" His wish
was complied with, and as he commenced
the destruction of the luxurious viands he
had ordered, he exclaimed turning to hi.
companions, "Never stand for expense,
boys, when you are on spree"
BENEFICIAL EFFECTS OF ToBAcco.-
An aged clergyman speaking of the sol
emnity attached TO the ministerial office,
said that during the whole term of 80 or
40 years that he had olliciated therein, his
gravity had never but once been disturbed
in the pulpit. On that occarion, while en-
gagged in his discourse, he noticed man,
directly in front of him, leaning over the
railing of the gallery, with something in
his hand which he soon discovered 10 be a
huge quid of tobacco just taken from his
mouth. Directly below sat man who
was in the constant habit Of sleeping in
meeting, with his head leaned back, and
his month wide open. The man m the
gallery was iniently engaged, raising and
lowering his hands, and taking IN exact
observation, till at length having got right,
he let fall the quid of tobacco, plump into
the mouth of the sleeper below The
whole scene was so indescribably ludcrous,
that for the first and last time, an invo'un-
tary smile forced itself on the countenance
Of the preacher. The unexpected intru- !
sion of so unpalatable a mouthful, awoke
the sleeper, and he was never known to in
duIae in that habit afterwards.
PoETIcAL SrMrToMs.-Among the on
dts relative to Lord Byron, we find the 4
following ludicrous remarks Of one Of his 4
Italian servants: eJerome." said man who \
waited for an answer, lis his lordship writ
ing that letter for me? z" NO." replied
Jerome, 'he is writing poetry" "IIow co
you know that, ?" "By bis scrat hing his
h, ad 50 furicusly."
"CrRIors IRrsH ApvERTIsFMKST.'-
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