The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-09-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
- What goes most against q farmers
grain9 His reaping-machine.

A boarding house keeper advertises,
aboard for two gentlemen with gas"
- What is the worst kind of fare for
men to live ons Warfare.
- The man who confines himself to
the drink best for him is scell-supplied.
- The man who dropped remark"
had better advertise for it.
- A drunken man, in trying TO walk
by lamp post last night, made a decided
hit.
- The quickest way to make n tall
man short, is to borrow all the money he
has got.
- Why is q spendthrilt's purse like
thundercloud Because il is continually
lightning.
- Flour is an article well enough in its
sphere, but we deprecatc tho rubbing of
it on ladies faces.
- If treo were TO break window,
what would the window sayG Tre-mend-
us,
= Why is tender-hearted person like
house-keeper with little furniture? Be
cause he is easily moved.
BE careful how you jest. The rich
est joke of the season may be very un-
scasonable one.
- A couple Of fellows carrying on IN
argument with rapiers, seem exceedingly
intent on proving their points.
= Naval architects are discussing the
question what shape is best for vessel.
Undoubtedly it should bo ship-sbape.
- Who was the first whistler? The
winds. What tune did they whiste?--
Over the hills and far away.
"Oh, that my father was seized
with remittent fever" sighed young
spendthrift at college.
awe don't like promising men,"
said an Oxford trader the other day;
"wc'd much rather they'd pay"
"Only marry me, my dear lady,
and you will have seen the end oftrouble."
I" Yes, sir, but which end 7"
- Why is horse the most miserable
of animals? Because his thoughts are
always on the rack.
"What have you TO remark, madam,
about my singing" Nothing, sir-it
is nothing remarkable"
= An editor in Minnesota threatens
TO break up housekeeping, and go and
board among his delinquent subscribers.
- The worst way of pitching into a
fellow, and making him feel generally like
a goose, is TO tar and feather him.
- Poltenoss is like an air cushion
there may be nothing solid lin it, but it
eases the jolts through life wonderfully.
= Give us what you think is the fn-
est specimen of gold in the world, and
we'll wager its value that it can be beat
en-.
= A young lady in this city is so re-
fined in her language that she never uses
the word "blackguard," but substitutes
. African sentinel"
A newspaper recently contained the
following in its notices TO correspondents
Truth is crowded out of our columns
this week."
"Do you sec anything ridiculous in
} this wigp said brother Judge to Cur
f ran. "Nothing but tho head" he re-
piled.
- A rabid bachelor, says French pa
per asserts that the symbolic torch Of
hymen is like lighthouse placed upon q
reef-a warning of danger"
=" "Give mo kiss, dear girl"
, can't" she replied. 81 don't mind lend
ing you one, but must have it returned
tomorrow.
- When VIC cnquired of friend, q
few days since, what business he follow
; ed, he replied, "Dentistry-thc insertion
of roast beef, bread and butter"
- Coming homo few mornings
since, we met man attempting 10 walk
on both sides of the street. BY skill
full maneuvre we passed between him.
=" "Hans, what is the matters" "Dc
: sorrel wagon has run away mith the green
horse, and broke de axletree Of do brick
, house vat stands by de corner lamp post
across dc telegraph"
= Of n celebrated actress, who, in hel
declining days, bought charms of carminc
and pearlpowdcr, Jerrold, said: "Egad
she should havo q hoop about her, with
q notice upon it, Beware of the paint
= Ex-Governor Horatio Seymour adj
dressed a Douglas and Johnson ratifca
ton meeting at Utica, N. Y, on Monday
evening. 1t was pronounced the largest
political gathering ever held in that city
and great enthusiasm prevailed.
= An immense Democratic mass meet
ing was held at Ypsilanti on Tuesda,
Gath ult., upwards Of five thousand peo
pie being in attendance Chas. Il. Stu
art and Geo. V. N. Lothrop ADDRESSED
the multitude.