The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1860-11-23
Man is q Problom.

Certainly he is. There's no kind o.
doubt about that. Hos fearfully and won
dcrfully made. Woman can't form the lcas
idea of the working Of that colossal brain o.
his. unless she mounts upon step ladder
with telescope under her arm. She ought
to DO perfectly satisfied with the privilege o
sewing on his shirt-buttons, and darning the
ragged spots, where, in the march of pro-
gress,' his majestic toes have gone
through. She wouldn't fret about such
little things as the baby's cough, or the
worn.out silk, il she knew what his cares
and troubles were. Let her contemplate
them and be silent.
Hc gets up in the morning and scolds be.
cause the towel hasn't walked out from the
corner where he flung 1t last night, and
hung itself up to dry. He snitIs obviously
at the breakfast odors, and hopes he ism,
going to have mackerel again-hc hates
mackerel.' IIe can't find his slippers, and
so he mcnds matters by knocking over the
cologne bottle. He views his whiskers scr''.
tinizingly in the glass, and concludes on the
whole that they want dyeing again. lie
wonders If Miss Jones really considers him q
bettcr.looking man than young Brown
thinks it vrry singular Ills wife can't bc "a
lively as Miss Jones. lent quito certain
whether to war tho black waistcoat with
brocaded spots, or the blue one with white
sprigs-who knows but that hc may meet
with some pretty sirlor other on his way
down TO tho othcoi Contomplatss himself
in the mirror again, and thinks bc isn't 90
bad looking after all, and then boxes little
Zedckiah's ears for asking What are you
smiling at?
Will he have bccfstcak or roast fowls for
dinncrg Now what is the use Of badgcring
man with such silly question as that
Does Mrs. Spruce suppose he hasn't anything
OF more Importance to think Of? Should
think she might decide such trivial matters
herself. Kindling wood all gone ? How
old IL Mrs. Spruce Intensely sdroasfie(-
twenty-seyen :? To have lived to that age,
and not know enough to buy another load,
without bothering her husband Money!
Oh, ah-that's different question. Well,
he sec about II when he comes home to-
night. II they warmed the whole city by
contract, they couldn't use moro wood.
There il such u thing as extrayagancc, and
If Mrs. Spruce hasn't lound it out by this
time, its best for somebody to tell her so.
May she have new opera bonnet !? Well,
he Is perfectly a.tonished. lIe should sup
pose that an old married woman would have
something better to do than to strut in opera
bonnets. IL she is short of work, please 10
acmcmber that he wants dozen new shirts
'Tisn't proper for his wife to BIO ut the
opera, with half scorc Of masculine eye
glasses leyelled at her. Now, then, he wish
Us she'd just keep still, and give him chance
to read the paper. Won't ho read tho
news aloud p What does Mrs. Spruce sup
pose she knows about the foreign items? How
can she understand the editorials? llc don't
want to be cross with her, but IL does seem
as if women could never coniine themselves
to subjects within their comprehension.
Wonders if the young lady who sits oppo-
site him In the cars adnircs his diamond pin.
Wishes hc knew how the curly haired fellow
who sits next her, manages to ito his ueck
cloth so handsomely. Delibcratcs between
the comparative merits of goatcc and imper-
ial-thinks on tho whole he'll shave, and
give his chin chance. Helps the pretty
young lady out with great flourish Of po'
liteness, but is absent-minded Immediately
afterwards, when the old lady with tho bum
die can't find seat.
oh, the trials and tribulations OF life
how they do weir n man out Hes quite
certain he'll have brain.feycr IL no don't
leave of taxing himselfso. What wonder
that's he's rs cross rs boa constructor when
ho gets home at night! Ii ism tbusiness alone.
he should think Mrs. Spruce might know
,hat-it's hc constant hcadwork. Don't tell
him |! how Is she to comprehend such things
And nothing but boiled ham for dinner
either. If Mrs. Spruce had the least wifcly
tenderness, she'd have cooked something be
liked. .Ho wouldn't tell her what he want
ed in the morning. She ought TO know
without being told every half hour In the
day. Never mind-he'll 20 to an eating
housc-thcy know what he likes thre. oh,
dear, what headache ho has got Ills BRAIN
work is killing him
(Eri Mr.. Spruce. ,rih a hang 0-Mr'.
Washington Hyily,, in LIFE Illustrated.