Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1860-02-02
Ynllta1r:aps n: 8taaing,
FOURTH OF JULY oRATIoN.

FOURTH OF JULY GRAFTON.
The following Fourth Of July oration,
furnished to the Cleveland Plaindealer,
BY sArtemas Ward the quaint Western
humorist, will be read with merriment:
sSurs,-I send herewitha synopsis of the
skedule of my orashun on the fourth of Ju-
-ly, at Weathers6eld. Please correct the
spellin and punktoate it in proper stile,
spoke 2 hours, l. was ninety six minrits
passin .givin pint. There was between
two hundred persons present, who with
open mouths and closed eyes listened to me
with strick attenshun. e.. . .-.,
The oration itself is perfect gem, and
one of the best things that 'Artemas' has
yet gotten off. We subjoin an extract or
two. After the usual apostrophe to the
Goddess of Liberty, he says:
81 haint time to notis the growth of A
meriky from;the time when the Mayaower
come over in the Pilgrim and bro't Plym.
outh Rock with 'em; but every skool-boy
nose our kareer has been tremenjis. You
will exkuse me if don't prase the erly
settlers of the Kolonies. People which
hung idiotic old wimin fur witches, burnt
holes in Quaker's tongues, and consigned
their feller-critters to the tredmill and pill
lory on the slightest provocation, may have
been very nice folks in their way, but /
must confess I don't admire thir stile, and
will drop them ALL 1 s'pose they ment we'll,
and as in the novel and techin largwidge
of the nuspapers, 'peas to their ashis.'-
There was no diskount, however, on them
brave men who fit, bled and died in the
Amerykan Revolushun. We needn't be
afeerd of setting them too steep. Like my
Show, they will stand heep of prase.
!. d see mutch to admire in New England.
Your gals in pertickuler are abowt as snug
bit peaces of Caliker as I ever saw. They
are fully equal to the corn.fed gals Of Ohio
and IDjianny and will make the bestest
kind of wives. 1t sets my Buzzum on fire
to look at 'em.
Be still, my sole, be still,
s you, Hart, stop cuttin' up!
Which afectin' lines is either from the pen
of Gov. Morril of Maine, or Doctor Watts,
and disremember which. I like your
skool-housen, your meetin' housen, your
enterprise, gumpshiu, &c., but your favrit
Bevrige I despise. Iallude to New Englan
Rum it is wus nor the kind of whisky Of
Ohio, which eats threw stun jugs and will
turn the stummick of the most shiftlis hog.
oa Il seldum seek consolashun in the foWin'
bowl, bat the other day I wurrid down sum
of your Rum. The fust glass induced me
to swear like infooriated trooper. On ia
king the sekund glass I was seezed with q
desire to brake winders, and after imbibiDg
the third glass kuockt small boy down,
pickt his pocket of a N. Y. Tribune, and
wildly commenced readiu' on its Kansas
Correspondence. verify do believe that
if I'd histid in another glass, I shood have
bin desperit enough to attack Greely's Let
ters.
its dredful stuff-a sort of lickwid lite
min got5up under the personal superviShun
Of the devil-tears mems inuards all to
peaces, and makes their noses blossum as
the Lobstur Shun it as you wood wild
hyenny with fre-brand to his tail, and
while you are abowt it you will do fust
rate thing for yerself and everybody abowt
you by shunnin' all kinds of iDtoxicatin'
lickers. You don't need 'em no more'n a
cat needs tales, sayin' nothing abowt the
vexashun and suferin' they cawse. But
onless your innards are cast-iron, avoid
New Englan's favorit, Rum.
sMy friends, I'm dun. I tare myself a.
way from you with tears in my eyes and a
pleasant oder of Onyuns abowt my close.
In the langwidge of Mister Catherine to the
Romuus, I 60, but perhaps I shall cum back
agin. Adoo! people of Weathers6eld.-
Be yirtuous and you'll be happy