Litchfield enquirer., 1860-01-19
MY FIRST AND LAST NOVEL.
FROM BLAcKwooD's MAGAZINE.
PART

PART I.
You asked me once if had ever had
secret from my husband
Answering Yes" | promised some da
to tell you all about it : l will do so now.
When we were first married, and for
time afterward, we were poor neither of u
were used to poverty. I was the younges
and had been the pet Of large family
was inexperienced in every way, and some
what spoiled by indulgence. Kenelm, m,
husband, was several years older than hi
little wife; he was good; grave, and wise
there was something in his character tina
made-people afraid of him; when he courtee
me, my sisters held him in awe; yet, strange
ly enough, |, coward as was in most re
spects, felt nothing of this awe till after
ward, but treated him with girlish audacity
and tyranny. | knew my power
must not allow myself to telltyou Of oul
happiness during the first months after oul
marriage-that has nothing to do with this
story; for then had not the ghost of Sc
cret from my husband. 1t is true that l was
forced to be very quiet during the earlier
part Of the day, when the scratching of Ken
elm's pen was almost the only sound to be
heard in our house; but l Unidentified myself
in the evening for the mornings silence. |
dearly loved to talk to Kenelm! l used then
to show him the innermost thought of my
heart; he was SO gentle and reyerent and in
return gave me his full confidence sometimes
speaking to me of things far beyond my com
piehension, gaddening me by saying that Oft
on q faW TanIt,Dl rflc Of rnp1I
gest the solutions Of perplex:ties over which
he had long pondered!
We'll, we were poor. l had twenty pounds
a year; for the rest VIC depended upon my
husbands earning. We had married in the
spring; the Giving winter KeneIm fell i'll,
very i'll. Necessarily his illness increased
our expenses; and 1, without any regard to
cost, or any thought Of whose labor must
pay for ali, procured everything that l fan
cicd might please him or do him good
When he was convalescent, the doctor order
ed him not to write for months to come. l
understood his smile as. he listened to this
decree; it smote me with sharp. sudden pain;
| remember | ran away to weep.
must write, my child; we are in debt
we want money" This was all his answer
to my fearful remonstrance, when long, be-
fore he was strong, l saw him settle down
to work.
For the first time shrauk away from his
mild glance; for the first time the deep ten
acrness Of lis tone sounded to me as q re-
proach.
went from his study into the garden. It
was spring; but paid 10 heed to the lowell
ness of the sunny morning. To-day l was
too miserable to weep, for the first time in
my life, perhaps. l stood, leaning my head
against tree, absorbed i'll self.reproachful
thought-knowing, for the first time, how
dreadful thing it was to want money.
/ had one friend living near; she had been
Kcnclm's friend for years and years, but now
she was especially mine. 1t CHANGED that she
passed our gate that morning, and seeing me,
came in for few moments.
You, Minnie, of all the women in the
world, to look upon this sweet day with so
sad face? What ais you, dear? Ken
elm is getting we'll"
But he will lie i'll again. The doctor
says he should have change and perfect rest,
and-he is at work have been extrava-
gant-we want money" She was grave i'm
mediately.
I" Poor dcar!" she said, "no wonder you
are not merry-oh, that moneyw She soft
ly stroked my hand and fell into meditative
silence
Presently she cried, quite abruptly, Min
ME- you shall write a novel;"
started, and blushed as if she had pro-
posed to me to commit crime.
EYES," she repeated, "you shall write
novel, have q little leisure-nothing else,
alas!--at your servce--you write, will re-
wise and manage all bcsdesw
But--Ken elm--"
"Would he not like it? Ah!-perhaps
not--1 had forgotten. Good, almost as per
feet as he is, he has his prejudices."
But if could write book! I'll could
earn money enough 10 take my husband to
the sca-side--I would risk the rest. will
not be afraid; l will try to write novel
only he shall never know unless | succeed"
You shonld know best. But, Minnie,
had rather you told him."
No, no. no; not unless succeed. What
makes you think that can write a book?"
have seen little attempts of yours-do
not husband bits, only bits, of your let
tiers to Kenelm. If Mrs Kenem Cameron
writes her book as simply and fervently as
Minnie Grey wrote her oveletters, it will do
always provided that, before she begins it,
she quite makes up her mind what it is to
be about"
"That is the puzzle"
/" 1t will not long remain so, if the book
is destined to be written. / am going from
home; you shall have my address; let me
help you in any way can"
I took leave of her absently, already pom.
dering what my book was to be about
For three days and three nights continu
ed to ponder this matter. When Keneln
asked Of what I was thinking, l blushed
giving the stupid answer, Nothing particu
lar" He looked surprised, but said nothing
further.
| Now, in all that follows, it may seem te
you that if had given the matter playful
turn, and if my husband had trusted me a.
he ought to have done, no unhappiness would
have ensued. 1t was not in my power t.
think of my secret lightly-directly had {
secret from my husband, I turned coward
and became morbidly timid in his presence
And he--he did not suspect me of wrong
doing-it was my want of confidence towart
him that he mourned. I think have hear'