Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1860-03-31
MISCELLANY.
A NEW PATENT MACHINE.

One of the best of the brief hits by John
Phoenix at the follies of the time, is contained
in that inexhaustible fund of fun, his volume of
'Phenixiana.'
DIR Tushmaker was never regularly bred as a
physician or surgeon, but he possessed natural
" strong mechanical genius and a fine appe-
lite, and finding his teeth of great service in
gratifying the latter propensity, he concluded
that he could do more good in the world and
create more real happiness therein by putting
the teeth of the inhabitants in good order than
Ia any other way so he became dentist.
He was the man that first invented the meth
cd of placing small cogwheels in the back teeth
for the more perfect mastication of food, and
he claimed to be the original discoverer of that
method of filing cavities with kind of putty,
which, by becoming hard, directly causes the
tooth to ache so grievously, that it has to be
pulled, thereby giving the dentist two successive
fees for the same job.
Tushmaker was one day seated in his office
in the city of Boston, Mass, when a stout old
fellow named Byles, preseted himself to have a
tooth drawn. The dentist seated his patient in
the chair of torture, and opening his mouth
discovered an enormous tooth on the right hand
side about as large, as he afterwards expressed
it, 'as a small Polyglot Bible 4 shall have
trouble with this TOOTH thought Tushmaker;
but he clapped on his heaviest lorceps and pull
ed. 1t didn't come Then he tried the turn
screw, exerting his utmost strength but the
tooth wouldn't come
go away from here, said Tushmaker to
Byles, and return in week, and / will draw
that tooth out of you, or you'll know the rea-
son why
Byles got up, clapped handkerchief to his
Jaw, and went FORTH
The dentist went to work, and in three DAYS
he invented an instrument which he was conf
dent would pull anything. 1t was a combina-
ton of the lever pulv, wheel and axles. in .
clined plane wedge and screw. The casting
was made, and the machine put up in the Office.
over an iron chair rendered perfectly stationary
by iron rods going down in the foundation Of
the granite building.
In week old Byles returned; he was clamp
ed into the iron chair, the forceps connected
with the machine attached firmly to the tooth,
and Tushmaker, stationing himself in the rear.
took hold of the lever four feet long.
He turned it sightly-old Byles gave groan,
and lifted his right leg. Another turn. another
groan, the higher vert old Byles's right leg
again.
what do you raise your right leg for ?? ask
ed the doctor.
Il can't help it,, said the patient.
'Well' said Tushmaker, the tooth is bound
to come now
He turned the lever clear round with a sud-
den Jerk, and snapped old Byless head clean
and clear from his shoulders, leaving space of
four inches between the several parts.
They had a post norteu examination. the
roots of the tooth were found extended down
the right side, through the right leg, and turned
up in two prongs directly under the sole of the
right foot.
NO WONDER said Tushmaker, that he raised
his leg
The jury thought so too but they found the
roots much decayed, and two surgeons swear.