The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-05-16
MISCELLANEOUS TIE MS.

|
which rest can be taken only on peril o
sliding down by ones weight.
- Christianity makes its true profess
or a gentleman. Paul, before Agrippa
was courteous.
= A modern tourist calls the Niaga
ra River "the pride of rivers" Tha
pride has certainly tremendous fall.
= Nothing can be moro unjust or ri
diculous than to be angry with another
because he is not of your opinion.
= Don't live in hope with your arms
folded; fortune smiles on those who rol
up their sleeves aud put their shoulders
TO the wheel.
= Quoth Patrick of the Yankee, "BC
dad, il he was cast away on dissolatC
island, he'd get up the next morning an
go round selling maps TO the inhabitants
- DR.. franklin observes: "The ewes
of others are the eyes that ruin us. II
all but myself were blind, | should want
neither fine houses nor fine furniture"
- "Tll give that fellow piece of my
mind !" exclaimed n certain young lady in
New York while ago. 81 wouldn't" re-
piled her uncle, "you've none 10 spare %
A horrid old bachelor, speaking Of
the ladies' fashions, says the people could
get out of the church great deal better
if there was not so much hustle at the
door. Hang him!
-" +" Hans, what is the matter" "Do
sorrcl wagon has run away nit de green
horse, and broke dc axle-tree of brick
house vat stands by de corner lamp post
across dc telegraph"
= Compliments, carried to an extrav-
agant extent, become rude Offences
There is material difference between
prettily asking for lock of hair and tax
ing the whole scalp.
- The mold on decayed fruit, stale
bread, moist wood, etc, is shown by the
microscope to be plants, bearing leaves,
flowers, and seeds, and increasing with in
credible rapidity.
- The following conclusion to life
of Robespierre appeared in newspaper
"This extraordinary man left no children
behind him except his brother, who was
killed at the same time"
any dear, what is the matter with
our puss ecv huw sl,e swells her tull
and arches her back at the sausage gave
her that was lett on the plate" "Oh
that is nothing; merely scents old Tow
ser in it."
= The editor of paper out West,
who has just failed, says he did it with all
the honors of war, and retired from the
field with colors fying-the sherifPs flag
iluttering from the two windows and the
door.
"Oh, map said juvenile to his
mother, there goes pa, with n yoke Of
bulls hitched to a bob sled"
"Hush, my childp exclaimed the
mother, at is very vulgar to speak so,
you should say pair of gentlemen COWS,
attached to a Robert sleigh"
- Edward Lytton Bulwer calls q
newspaper the common reservoir into
which every stream pours its living wa
ters, and nt which every man may come
to drink" A good many men would new
er drink unless the editorials were full of
spirit
=" "Did you go TO DR.. Dow to be cur
cd of lispingl" asked gentleman of n
lady who had been tongue-tied.
"Yeth thir," was the reply.
"What did he do to you?"
"He cut little thring there wath un-
der my tongue"
"Did he cure you?"
"Yeth thir."
"Why are you lisping now|
Gam l, thir9 We'll, l don't per
thicvc that l litbp, ccthopt when 80 tC
thay thixpenee; then | alwayth notithC
it."
A man applied to be shipped be
fore the mast. " Arc you an able seaman
or a green hand !" asked the shipping
master.
"Why, no, not an able seaman, but
yet not exactly green hand; | have
some knowledge Of the water"
"Havc you ever been a voyage"
"No."
"Ever been on the rivor-craitl"
"No."
"WeIl, what then do you know about
tho seap
"Why, I've tended saw-mill."
- A short time ago, a man named
Crandall made his escape from the Ale
ghany Co, N. Y, Jail. For the iuforma
ton of the curious, he has lately writer
back the following account of the manne
of his escape:
az suppose it is mystery to some how
| got away, consequently / will give yol
a brief history of my departure. Th'
modus opcrandi was this: l got out 0
my cell by ingenuity, ran up stairs will
agility, crawled out of the back window
in secresy, slid down the lightning roc
with rapidity, walked out of tho Angelo