The Cass County Republican. [volume] (Dowagiac, Mich.) 18??-1880, 1860-02-16

Right beneath one OF our "i"oo" .
from morn till midnight, we see young
sters and oIdsters twisting their legs
into ali conceivable shapes, skating up
and down the river merry as lambs.
We cannot pick up a paper, but an ar
ticIe on skating" meets the eye.
Everybody says it is fun, and that's all
everybody" knows about it, for we
have tried it. Last night, about gas
light time, after reading glowing des-
cription of life on skates, we prepared
for our first attempt, and sailed forth
to Join the merry crowd We had on
a pair of stoga boots, trouser legs
tucked inside, robert tailed coat and
white hat We went down on the ice,
and gave boy two shillings in good
coin of the realm, for the use of his
implements. We have confidence,
even as great as Peters faith. We
with the assistance of friend, fixed
on the skates, and stood erect, like
BARRIERS pole. Encouraged by the
sight of some ladies on the bridge
looking at the skaters, we struck out.
A slant to the right with the right foot
"a slant to the left with the left foot
and Just then we saw something on
the ice, and stopped over to pick it up!
On our feet again-two slants to the
right and one to the left, accompanied
with a loss of confidence. Another
stride with the right foot, and we sat
down with fearful rapidity, and very
little, if any, elegance What set
down it was, for we made dent in
the ice not unlike Connecticut butter
bowl! Just then one of the ladies re-
marked. ooh, look, Mary, that Teller
with the white hat amt got his skeets
on the right place" Ditto, thought
we. Just then a ragged little devil
sang out as he passed US. Hello, Old
timber legs!'' and we arose suddenly
and nut after him. Three slides to the
rfoht-and two to the left, and away
went our legs-one to the east, the
other west, causing an immense assure
in our pants, and another picture OF a
butter-tray in the cold-oh! hoao cold
--icei Then the lady-we know she
was one by the remark she made
again spoke and said =" Oh, look,
Mary. that chap with white hat has
sat down on his handkerchief, to keep
from taking cold !" We rose about as
gracefully as saw-horse, when Mary
said -"g guess faint handkerchief,
Jane" = and Mary was right! II
wasn't hanikerehief-not a bit of 1t
Just then friend came along, and
preferred us his coat tail as steadier.
We accepted the continuation OF his
garment, and up the river we went
about ten rods, when shy to the right
by the leader, caused US, the wheel
horse. to scoot off on tangent, heels
up! But the ice is gerry cold, this sea-
son!
We tried it again. A glide one way
"a glide and half the other, when
"aohacE" came our bump of philo-
progenitiveness on the ice, and we saw
million of stars dancing around our
eyes, like ballet girls at the Bowery
Theatre. How that shock went
through our system, and mp and down
our spinal column. Lightning couldn't
have corkscrewed it down creased
saplin with greater speed nor more eX-
hiierating effect. Boarding house but
ter nor warranty deed, could not have
struck stronger than We did-and a
dozen ladies looking at us-and our
assured" pants!
"Hallo, old cock, sang out that rag
ged imp again, and we there helpless
Soon we got up and made another trial,
with better success. Perhaps we had
skated in our peculiar style fifteen feet,
when laundering chap came up be-
hind, and we sat down with our tired
head pillowed in his lap : and he
swearing at us, when it was his own
fault! How cold the ice was-shere,
too! Every spot where we made our
debut on the ice-oh! how cold it was !!
Our bear skin drawers were no protec-
ton at all! We tried again, for the
papers all say it is fun, and down came
our Roman grecian nose, an the cold
julep material. and the little drops of
crimson ran down our shirt bosom,
and on to the cold ice. Once more we
tried skating-made for the shore-sat
down and counted damages. Two
shilings in cash thrown away. Seven
lateral and one &c fronteral'' bumps on
the ice. One immense assure, in as
handsome pair of ten dollar cassi-
meres as man ever put his legs III
One rupture in the knee extending to
the bone. Four buttons from our vest,
g fragmented'' watch-crystal, and a
back ache, big enough to divide among
the children of Isreal. If you catch
US on the smoothe, glossy, chilly, freez-
ing, treacherous, deceitful, slippery,
and slip-uppery ice again, you'll know
it. If any one ever hears Of our skat-
ing again, they will please draw on us
at sight, for the bivalves and accom-
panying documents. We have got
through skating. It's ahumbug. It's
vexalion of spirit, of business, of
? flesh, and tearer of trowsers! It's n
head humping, back-aching, leg-weary-
iarg, dangerous institution, and we
warn people against skating. We
tried it, and shant be able to walk for a
month. Skating clubs are humbug,
and all the rascally Youngsters wish to
get the ladies at it, that they m " see
ii they too, don't say 'sthe ice Is dreadful
cozd!'' It's nothing to us, but the
ladies will do as well to let skates alone,
nnless they are younger and more elias
- 81. II \ Il Ill. -