Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1860-10-27

APPLIES.
AN ORIGINAL NEGRO LECTURE.
"a lille more cider do.n


al lille more cider do"
BREDDERN AN SIsrERS Use gwine to
Glib you what | hope will prove to you a
fruitful discoarse-de subject am dat OBJ
APPLES. Dem oh my hearers dat only
look upon de apple wild an eye 10 apple sass,
apple fit ers, apple pies, apple dulnplns
M apple odies, will hardly be able to com
pres and de application OBJ de lectar,-to
dem leab de peelins an direct de seeds oh
my discourse, TO such rs hab souls above
apple dumplins an taste above apple tarts.
Now de apple, accordin' to Lnnaous,
the Phiea- botanist, am fruit originally ex-
ported from Adams apple orchard in de
Garden oh Eden, an made indigenous III
ebry climate 'ccpt de north pole an its
neighboren territory, de Rolly holly AIS.
De apple, accordin' to those renowned
LexumcoorapheIs, Samuel johnson, Dam
Vel Webster, Jiinuel Walker, an Doctor
Shelton Mckenzie, am de py rus molus,
wlich means 80 be MOULDED into pies"
Wei, you all know dat de apple tree
was the sacred vegetable on the Garden
ob Eden till dc sly an insinuatin sea-sar-
pent crawled ont OBJ de river on Friday
mornen, bit off an apple, made "oppIejock,' .
handed de jug to Eve, she took sip, den
handed It to Adam-Adam took anoder,
by which bofe got topseycated an fell down
de hill ob Paradise, an in consequence dare
OF, de whole women-race an human race
fell down easmash, like specified apples
from stormado. OH what fall was dar,
my hearers, when you an me, an I, am
all drapt down togedder, an de sarpent
tapped hi, forked tongue in fatisaction.
But arter all, my hearers, dat terrible
fall was not de fault oh de apple, but de
abuse Oh it for de apple am very great
vegetable, corden as we use it or abuse it.
De apple has been dc fruit oh great tings
an great tiDgs hab been de fruit OBJ de APP
pie. 1t was an apple dat fust suggested to
Sir Gravy Newtown de seeds oh lie law Oh
graduation, dat wonderful, invisible an
unfrizable, patent liber principle by which
all dem luminous an yolumnous PLANETS
turn round togedder, all apart in one e
plaribus unam OBJ grabity hence de great
poet Longfeller, in de ffty-'leyenth canto
OBJ Lord Byron obsayes,-
"Men fall by apples, an by apples rose"
Sir Humphrey Gravy Newtown was one
day snoozen fast asleep under an apple
tree; large sized Kentucky Pippin grabi-
tated from de limb, struck him IL de eye,
an all at orce his eye was suddenly open
ed TO de universal law Oh graduation.
He saw de apple doaonwards fell,
He thought, "Why not fall up as vel"
Improved some Geographic spell
Pulled it arthwise.
| wish he'd now come back an tell
Why apples rise
so high to alfpeck to dc bushvl.
But, my hearers, to come to do grand
point OBJ my larned disquioition on apples.
Reasoning ap-priori, proceed to dis grand
physiological phenomenon,
dat cher since our great-great-g rand-fader
Adam fIist tasted apple-jack in de orchard
oh Eden, dc entire human race, an woman
race in particular, has been impregnated
wild de spirit OBJ de apples an dat all men
an women, and dc rest Oh mankind, may
be compared to aome Genus Oh de APPLE.
Oars 3e Philanthropist, he's 4 good meller
Iippin--always ripe an fail Oh de seeds Oh
human kindness. Oars de Miser, he's de
''grindstone' apple--rock to de very core.
Oars de Bachelor, he am a rusty coat, an /
like a hcafstake widout gravy--lry to de
very heart. Oars de Dandy, he's long
stem, al peeln. Oars de Farmer, he's de I
apples little rough on de pee
lin, but JUICY wild feelin. De fashionable
gent am 4 French pippin, an defashionable |
young lady am de Belhower-an' when
two SIGH apples am joined togedder, dey
become a pear (pair) De Politician am
spccklod apple-little foul sometimes at de |
co7es De young misses am de "Maiden's
Elushes.n De Wilder she am pine-ap-
ple. De good Wife she am de Balsam
apple ob human life, an AN in fms, de-
do old Maid she am (bitterly) a CRAB Ar
IaE-a fruit neber known in de apple or
chard OBJ Paradise. an only fit for Sourland
---lsgt her in ecider press Oh human If
fiction. an she'll como out fofy-leventh
proof VINEGAR enough to sour all humanl
creation--even as de loud thunder ob del
heavens sours the cows juice in de mix
house.
Lastly, and to conclude, Broddern an
Sistern, let it be our great aim, howsom-
ever We may differ incur various apple spe-
cies, tostrive to 60 into de great cider press
Oh human trial widout speck in do core
or dc peelin' 50 dat when de juice OBJ our
mortal vertue am squeezed out, dc Angels
whea dey fustput dar lips to de cider trough,
may e,lclaim wild de poet,
"a little mare cider do
--stecrs Book cfPlays.
TINS LAVE WoRI.D or OJRs.-Aggasiz
and Gould estimate that there are 1T least
100000 different species Of living animals
When W. think for Il moment az tha nnr,,