Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1860-08-30
aDit au0 Dnmpf.

The STUTTERER.-Duringt the Revolution
ary war, when drafts were made from the
militia to recruit the continental army, a GER
tain captain gave liberty to the men who
were drafted from his company to make their
objcctio if they had any, against going into
the service; accordingly one of them who had
an impedment in his speech came forward
and made his bow.
'What is your objection7' said the Captain.
4 ca-ca-can't go, answered :he man, be-
cause | st-st-tutter.' r-,r- s|.IE
'iSthtter' said the captain, you don't go
there to talk but to fight
AYE, but they'll p-p-p-pht me on g-g-
g-guard, and man might 60 ba-ha-haif
z lie before can say wh-wh-wh-who goes
there?' l.-l
oh, that is no objection, for they will place
a sentry with you; he can challenge, and you
can fire. .at ...
We'll b~b-b-but I-nl-r1- m may be taken
and run through before | can cry qu-qu-quar-
ter .....-' =.
This last plea prevailed, and tbs captain
laughing heartily, dismissed him.
IRISH AND YANKEE 1WIT.-Therc arc not
many men in New England, who can equal
Mr.. &C. Wyman in ready witt but it seems
he was put to the test during his recent visit
to Chicago. AT one If the stations at which
the train stopped for wood and water, tho
crowd demanded speech. Mr.. Wyman,
who had been elected to ospeak at this place:
should speech be demanded, went fort and
mounted cart attached to an ass.
The moment that Mr.. Wyinan shouted
'Fellow-citizens!' the donkey responded in
one Of his loudest brays. Mr.. Wyman rotor
ted-'Fellow -citizensp am interrupted by
Democratv This was ready and occasioned
great merriment; and so did the retort Of the
owner Of the donkey, an Irishman who ex-
claimed-"No, you are not interrupted by
Dim icrat! 'Tis yer brother that's spaken to
yes! and askin' yes to,whist? Mr.. Wyman.
bowed to Pat and retired.
row over there our house. 50 a4JA
What on airth's the matter, you little sar-.
pint?
Why, dads drunks, mothers dead, theold
cows got calf, SAILS got married and run off
with the spoons, pete has swallowed pin,
Luis looked at the Aurora Borax until he's
got the delirious, That amt alinuther.
what else upon airth?'
Rose split the batter pot and broke the
pancakes, and one ofthe Maltese kittens has
get it out. and-ob, how hungry | am
A gentleman WHO had occasion to walk in
the rain with two ladies' and with but one
umbrella, exclaimed that he always went in
the middle-as that secured dry coat to him
self, and showed no partiality to either of tho
ladies.
Bulwcr says that "death often changes a.,
version into love" Certainly it does. we
may have an antipathy to sheep and swine,
and yet love mutton and,pork.
HsI-"Good morning Mr.. Grumm; what is
the news to-day" .a
"Oh, there's no news; my wife was sick
yesterday, and didn't go out; no news"
Hf5""Bill, why is your head like dc moonT
81 give dat up"
"Why, because II is supposed TO bo inhab-
tied.
Bsy Did tho man who ploughed the sea,
and afterward plantsd his feet On his native,
soil, ever harvest the crops?
BeH"If you are not careful. wik. shall,
lose my temper well, shall not holp you
to find it il you do
B0" Bustle is not industry, any more than
industry is courage.
No man can avoid his own company
so he had best make it as good as possible.
RSs" Never carry word in your tongue
to wound the reputation of any man