Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1860-12-14

"That's my business" as the butcher
said to the dog that was killing his sheep.
Fame is like an eel-ra,her hard to catch,
and good deal harder to hold.
Pray. sir, why did you buy that lot be-
yond the Cemetery "Oh, wanted
good home beyond the grave"
Brave men bare their bosoms to their en-
emies-fashionable women to friends and
enemies alike.
Never spank your children with hand
saw, or box their ears with the sharp edge
Of a Ratchet. 1t is apt to affect their brains
"My yoke is easy and my burden is light"
as the young fellow said, when his sweet
heart was sitting on his lap with he arms a.
round his neck.
A traveller tells us that he knows fellow
down South who was so fond ola young wo-
man that he has rubbed his nose off kissing
her shadow on the wall
An Albany barber having very intern
perate man to shave on Sunday, begged him
to keep his mouth shut as it was punisha-
BILE offence to open ram hole on the Sab
bath.
1t is rather cool comfort to ask for the
daughters hand and get the fathers boot
A man don't generally want but one such eg-
isee in a life time.
Twenty-Five physicians in New York city
are said to earn annually from $40 900 to
$40, 900, and, of this number, four are home
opathists.
Mrs. Partington says that she has noticed
that whether -four was dear or cheap, she
had invariably to pay the same money for
half dollars worth.
Here is a coaundrum got off by Nebras-
ka editor. Why is a Nebraska shinplaster
like an impenitent sinner? Because it does
not know that its redeemer liveth.
Many man thinks it is virtue that
keeps him flom turning rascal, when it is
only full stomach One should be care
full and not mistake potatoes for principles.
A widow of thirty, living in Stratford,
Canada. lately sued young man of twenty
one, for $40. 900 dana ges for breach of prom>
Use of marriage. The jury gave her $500.
A negress, speaking of her children, said
of one who was lighter than the rest: Il
nebber could bear dat ar brat kase he show
dirt so easy"
An Irishman who had blistered his fng-
ers by endeavoring to draw on pair Of
boots, exclaimed. II believe | shall never
get them on till l have worn them day or
two"
Did understand you to call me a pup
Ply, sir?
Yes, sir called you puppy
Lucky for you the insult is too small to
notice, but if you had called me dog-an
old dog would bave knocked you down.
A young lady thus describes her feelings,
aud courts sympathy. We hope she may
soon realize the change that she so devoutlv
wishes for:
My heart is sick, my heart is sad,
But, oh the cause dare not tell,
am not grieved, I am not glad,
I am not III, I am not we'll
I'm not myself, I'm not the same;
I am, indeed, | know not what;
Tn changed in all, except in name
Oh, when shall be changed in that.
A humorous fellow. subpenaed as wit
ness on a trial for an assault, one Of the coun-
sci, who was notorious for brow-beating wit
nesses. asked what distance be was from the
parties when the assault happened? He
answered:
"Just four feet. FIVE inches and a half"
"How came you to be so exact z" said
the counsel.
because I expected some fool or other
would ask me. and measured it,"
As one of the Dover, England. volun-
teers, was passing along, rife in hand he was
aceosted by precious urchin, who called
out:
Who ahot the dog?
This saying our friend appeared by DO
means to relish; so he said:
If you are not eff very soon, I'll shoot a
donkey
Whrreupon the boy. calling out to one of
his companions. rejoined:
say, Bill, look hers--this fellow is go4
iagts cpmmit ssieiae.