Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1860-01-27
numoruus Selections.
ARTEMAs WARD, THE HAPPY FAITH
ER OLE TWINS.


at the Peril Of their hazard indiadooally.-
line powerfully happy Heaps Of JOY has
descended upon me to onct a. / feel like a
bran new man. Sometimes | arsk myself,
els it not dream p and suthin within my
self sez it air." but when | look at them
sweet little critters | know it is a reallerty-
2 resllerties may sa-t | feel gay. There's
considerable human natur in a man arter all.
returned from the Summer Campane with
my unparalleled show Of wax-works and livin
wild Beasts of Pray, in the early part Of the
month. The people Of Baldwinsville met me
cordially aud immejitly commenst resting my
self with my farmly The other night while
was down to the tavern tosting my shins
agin the bar room fire Il amusin the krowd
with some Of my adventures, who should cum
bare headed 81 terribly excited but Bill Stokes
who sez. sez he, Old Ward, there's great
doins up to your house"
Sez |, William, how so y
Sez he its CRATE doins,' and then he
larfed as if he'd kill himself
See |, risin and putin on an austeer look,
" William | wouldn't be fool if had com
mon cents"
But he kept on larfn till he was black in
the face, when he fell over unto the bunk
wher the hostler sleeps, and in a still small
voice sed twins ashure yu, gents. that
the grass didn't grow under my feet on my
way home, 81 was follered by an enthoosias-
tic throng of my feler-siterzuns, who hurrard
for Old Ward at the top Of their voices.
found the house chuck full Of people. There
was Miss Square Baxter and her three grown
up darters lawyer Perkinses wife. Taberthy
Ripley, young Eben Parsuns, Deakun Sim
mons folks. the Skoolmastcr. Doctor Jordin,
etsettery etsettery Mrs Ward, Mis- Square
Baxter was mixin southin in a dipper before
the kithcn fire. and small army Of fcinal
wimmin were rushin wildly round the house
with bottles Of camfre. peaces Of fannil, &c
never seed such hubbub in my natural
born dase ! could stay in the west room
only mint, so strung up was my ieelins so
rusht out and seased my double barrild gun.
"Wot on airth ails the man - sez Taber-
/ thy Ripley. "S Sakes alive what air you adoin:
a. she grabbed me by the coat-tales. Wot's
the matter with you - she continued.
Twins. marin" sez ], twins -"
know il" sez she. coverin her face with her
aprun. Wall. sed ]. " that's wots the
matter with me- Wall. put down that air
gun, you pesky old fool, sed she.
/ No marm,' seq /, q" this is a nashunal
day The glory Of this ere day assent con-
/ fined to Baldwinsvillc. by darned size. On
yonder woodshed. sen ! drawin myself up to
my full bite. ard speakin in a show actin
voise, will fire a Nashunal saloot" sayin
which tared myself from her grasp and
rusht to the top Of the shed, whore blazed
away until Squire Baxter's hired man and my
son Artemus Ward Juneyer come and took
me down by name force
( On returning to the kitchen found quite a
lot Of people seated bel the fire, a talking
that event over. They made room for me &
/ sot down.
"Quite an episode" sed Doctor Jordin,
/ ltin his pipe with a red hot cole
Yes, sed 1, 80 episodes, waing about
IS pounds iinty."
a perfect coop de tat, said the skool-
master.
pluribus uuum, in proprietor persony,
sed ], thinking lde let him know | under
stood turin langawedges as well as he did, if
| wasn't school-master.
Its a momentous event. sed young Eben
/ Parsuns, who has been quarters to the
Academy.
u never heerl twins called by that name
afore, sed /, but spose its all rite"
We shall soon have Wards enuh, said
the cditur Of the Baldvinsville Buge Of Lib
erty, who was looking over bundle of ex-
change papers in the corner, to apply to the
1 legislators for city charter"
Good for you, old man :" sed |, give
thst air conspichius place in the next Buge
How udickms - said pretty Susan Fletch-
er. covorin her face with her knitting work &
larfn like all posscst.
Wall, for my part sed Jane Maria Pease-
/ ley. who is the crossest old made in the
world, Il think you all act like pack of
fools.
Sez l, Miss Peaseley. are yu parent ,"
Sez she, " No, amt"
| Sez |, Miss Peaseley, yu never will be.
She left
We sot there talkin and larRn until "the
switch in hour of mite. when grayeyards yawn
/ & Costs troop 4th, as old Bill Shakespiro
aptly observes in his dreams of John Shep-
pard Esq. or the Moral House breaker, when
we broke up and disbursed.
Mother & children is a doin we'll 81 as
/ Resolution is the order Of the day, I'll feel
obleeged if yule insert the iollerin--
Whereas, two Eppisodes has happened up
| in the undersined's house. which is twins IL
wheaeas. like the stile, said Twins bein of
the male perswashun & both boys; Therfour
Belt
Resolved, that to them naburs who did the
fare thing by sed EpPisodes' my heartfelt
thanks is doc
Resolved, that I dc most heartily thank
Enjine Ko. No IT, who, under the impress
shun from the fuss at my house on that baus-
pchus night that there was a konfiagrashun
going ON, kun galyantly to the spot. but
kindly reirained from squirting.
Resolved, that from the Bottom Of my Sole
do thank the baldwinsvile brass band for
given up the idee of Sarhnadin me, both on
that CRATE mite and sinse.
Resolved that my thanks is doc too several
members of the Baldwinsyille meetin house,
who fur three dase hain't kalled me a sinful
skofter or intereeted me to amend my vase
and join said meetn house to onct.
Resolved, that my bozzum teams with many
kind emoshions lords the follern individools,
To whit, namelee--Mis Square Baxter. who
generously refoozed to take a sent fur a bot
tie Of oomfre lawyer Perkinses wife who
writ sum verses on the Eppisodes the Eide
ter of the Baldwinsvile Bugle of Liberty who
nobly assisted me in wallupin Kangaroo, wieh
sagashns little cuss seriously disturbed the
Eppisodes by outraius screechins and kickins
up; Miss Hirum Doolittle, who kindly fur
nisht sum cold vttes at my house; l. the
Peasleys, Parsunses and Watsunses for their
mannoy AXIS of kindness. Trooy yures,
AprpMue