The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-11-21
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= Be sure you are right and then &c

- Letters, newspapers and young wo-
men should be mailed
- How to describe circle-Wait till
your wife has put on her crinoine.
- Virtue or wisdom is the beauty OF
the mind, and vice its deformity.
= knowledge alone is the greatest
good, and ignorance the greatest evil.
- An Albany paper thinks it is wo-
men and not her wrongs that ought to be
redressed.
= Why is four cent sugar like n man
that never surrendered? Because it's clear
grit aud nothing else.
= Why is pretty woman like corn in
time of scarcity? Because she ought
TO be husbanded.
"Pray, madam, why did you name
your old hen Macdutfp Because, sir,
want her to lay on"
= Some poe;ical genius calls beau
tiful woman's waist, "the isthmus of
heaven and EARTH"
= A wine dealer of Cincinnati an
nounces as a recommendation Of his Ma
deria, that he uses no cockroaches.
-"Old age is approaching" rs the
little boy said when the old man was af-
ter him for stealing his apples.
A yankee with the yellow fever,
may very properly be called a northern
man with southern principles.
- If you want 10 kiss a pretty girl,
why, kiss her-if you can. If pretty
girl wants to kiss you, why, let her-liko
q man.
- A yankee has invented q plague
which kills off all who don't pay the
printer 1t would make sad havoc in
these parts.
-PHnlinS 'Tqeros no solt oJ uso o.
maHin5 sucq Juss ubou9 tqe tGpoSrapqi
C ant !: it IS ony seltiug tipes toSetqer lk
e TqIs.
- A Kentuckian being asked how
much corn he raised, answered, about ten
barrels of whiskey besides what we vast
ed making bread.
=" "Hilloa, there! what's your hurry;
where are you goingr Going, I'm run
ming for an Office" What office ~
"The Squires office; why, darn it, I'm
suedw
- The woman who undertook to scour
the woods has abandoned the job, owing
to the high price Of soap. The last that
was heard of her she was skimming the
sea.
=" Pat, what is the reason that you
and your wife always disagree
90 be jabbers, it's kase we're both of
one mind; she wants to be masther and
so do L"
- People who are always talking of
sentiment, usually have no very deep feel
ings. The less water you have in your
kettle, the sooner it begins to make
noise and smoke.
-"I don't care so much about the
bugs" said Mr.. Worley to the head of
the genteel private boarding house in
which he dwells, "but the fact is, mad
am, | havn't got the blood TO spare, you
sec that yourself"
-" See, nurse, see" exclaimed de-
lighted papa, as something like n smile
radiated the face of his infant; "an angel
is whispering to itl'
"No, sir" replied the matter-of.fact
nurse, "its only the wind on its stom-
achp
81 say, printer, do you take Man
haitian moneys" oa
"No."
"Whats the reason-ain't it goodw
eyes"
"Why don't you take it then!'
"Can't get it."
- A printer, meddling with the YER
dict of a coroner's jury, struck out com
ma after the word "apoplexy," making it
read thus: 4" Deceased came to his death
by excessive drinking producing apoplexy
in the minds of the jury"
"Mr. Brown, you say the defend
ant was honest and intelligent. What
makes you think so-are you acquainted
with himq'
"No, sir"
"Why, then do you come to such
conclusion
"Cause he takes TEN newspapers, and
PAYS for them all in ADVANCED
= The selfexamining society has pro-
posed the following queries to all people
about this period:
Does it cost anything to print news
paperG
How long can printer furnish pa
per without payl
Do printers eat, drink and wear cloth
iugG
If they do, how do they get itl