The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-04-04

Newark champagne.
To speak in plain prose, the divorce
man gave a champagne supper, and
Smith, the turnpike man, followed with
champagne breakfast, under the
modifying influence Of which the as
sembled wisdom passed both the d.
Eorpe and turnpike bills and Jones
and Smith, copy Of each bill in their
pockets-went rejoicing home, over
miles of sand, and through the tribu-
lation OF many stage coaches.
Smith arrived home in the evening,
and as he sat down in his parlQr, his
pretty wife beside him-hoW pretty she
did look land Eve of her children
oyerheapiag the other five studying
their lessons in the corner of the room,
Smith was INDUCED to expatiate upon
the good recruits of his mission in
Trenton.
"a turnpike, my dear; | am one
of the directors and will be president.
It will set me up, love; we can send
our children to the boarding school,
and live in style out of the toll. Here
is the charter honey"
Let me see il" said the pretty lit
tie wife, who was one of the incest
wives with plqmpness and goodness
dimpling all over heF face, "let me see
it," as she leaned over Mr.. Smiths
shoulder.
But all at once Smiths visage grew
long; Smiths wife's yisage grew black.
Smith was not profane, but now he
ripped out an awful oath,
"Blast US, wife, those Internal scoun-
drels at Trenton have gone and d.
gorced US +"
1t was too true the parchment
which he held was bill of divorce, in
which the names of Smith and Smiths
wife appeared in frightfQl legihle let
tiers.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the
corner of her apron.
Here's turnpike" she said sad
ly, "apd with the whole of our ten
children staring me in the face, | amt
your wife Here's turnpike"
"Blast the turnpike and the legis-
lature, and"
Well, the fact is, that Smith, redu-
ced to single blessedness, enacted into
a stranger, to his own wife, swore aw-
fully.
Although the night was dark, and
most of the denizens of Smiths town
had gone to bed, Smith babe bis late
wife to put on her bonnet, and arm in
arm they proceeded to the clergyman
of their beloved church.
Goodness, bless mel" exclaimed
the good man as be saw them enter
Smith looking like the last of June
shad, and Smiths wife wiping her eyes
with the corner of her apron
| " Goodness, bless me, what's the
matter ?"
1.-THE matter is, want yoa to mar
ry us two right off," replied Smith.
Marry your" calculated the cler-
gyman, with expanded fingers and aw-
full eyes; care you drunk, OF what is
the matter with you 2"
However, be finally married th EN-
over straightway and would not take
a fee; the fact is, grave as be was,
dying to be alone that he might give
vent to suppressed laugh that was
shaking him all over; and Smith and
Smiths wife vent joyfqlly hbme and
kissed every one of their children
The little Smiths never knew that
their father and mother hGd ever been
made strangers to each other by legis,
lative enactment
Meanwhile and on the same night,
Jones returned to his native town
Burlington, | belieEe-and sought, at
once, the fine black eyes which he had
hoped shortly to call bis own.
The pretty widow sat on the sofa
with a white kercbief tied caFelessly
around her round white throat. and
her black hair laid in silky waves
against each rosy cheek
divorce is the word, . cried Jones,