The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1860-11-16
Squire Richer's Cow.

Squire Richer's Cow.
'Alrs fair in trade."-Speculatoys Bible.
Good lookin' COW, that, Squire Richer
Want to sell y
We'll, l dunno. Want to buy?'
That depends on the price. What1l you
sell her for p
Make me an OFFER
wall, 'spose she's worth eighteen or
twenty dollars. Somewhere about that
Eighteen or twenty dollars Land soul,
Mr.. Smith Why, that COW is the real Dur
ham, Cheshire short horn--the best breed in
the world, you know
'Sho you don't say so, though. do ye p
Strange, now, didn't notice it. Come from
the town of Short Horn, eh p
Land soul, TO, Mr.. Smith. She was own
ed by man by the name of Short Horny,
and they called her Short Horn, you know,
cause Horny was too long to speak. The
man that raised her was English or Irish,
forgot which. So you see the cows furri-
ner reported her myself from the CONT
nent.'
'Sho Why, never ha' heard word Of
it. Kept it private, didn't ye, Squire"
We'll, yes, rather. Ye see it's the times
of the know nothing agitation, and ye know
I'm a candidate for selectman in my town, SO
was afraid if the people found out that
was a bringing furren COW over here, They'd
turn right out and spile my election. You
know they're down or furriners.'
! Wall, declare, Squire, you're sharp. But
the COW can speak-that is, roar English,
can't she y
'Sartin Just like any other COW. And
now, neighbor Smith, if you want to buy a
grand good COW, one that'll give twenty-five
quarts of milk a day, and make ten pounds
of butter week, you'll never have another
such a chance. l wouldn't part with her at
no price to any other man, but you and
have alters been good friends, and don't
mind sacrificing few paltry dollars to oblige
you. You may have that Durham Cheshire
short horn COW, bred somewhere in Victoria's
dominions, for the sum of forty-tive dollars
Dog cheap
'Forty-tye dollars On Squire, you must
think I'm made of money. never can af.
ford to give that. Say forty, and III think
about it.
Wall, Mr. Smith, you're tight hand at
bargain, but l won't stand with you for few
pal,rv dollars. You may have the cow fol
forty
The moneys yourn.'
The cows yourn.
There, reader, that's the way Mr.. John
Smith happened to become the owner of the
Durham Cheshire short horn 'furren' COW 're
ported from the continent by James Richer
justice of the peace for Straford county, state
Of New Hampshire Now, for further par
tculars.
Alr Smith drove his purchase home, much
tlated with the acquisition, and when nigh
came. ne would not permit his daughter Jan,
TO mir. the short horn with the other cows
ne must perform the pleasurable and highly
interesting job himself. MIR. Smith estab
lished himself on three-legged stool at th'
side of the short horn, and placing fifteen
quart wooden pail at the proper angle, com
menced the process. In less than secont
he had the pail brim full, for the short horn
not probably relshng the slow ,old-fashionet
method of filling the pail with milk, conclu
ded to save MIR. Smith considerable trouble
and accordingly set both her hind feet int
the devoted pail, giving MIR. Smith a smar
whisk with her stub tail at the same time
MIR. Smith tried to dislodge the obtrudin
feet, but to his surprise, he found them ty
ture. On further examination he ascertaine
that the feet had quietly knocked out tn
bottom of the pail, and the legs of tfe shol
horn were firmly hooped together. He pull
" ed and hauled at the refractory leg, but all t
no purpose they were bound to stick. S
y Mr.. Smith, as a last re sort, applied hatche
+ to the pail, and rent it in twain. Out fie
- short horns understandings, and by way O
y examination into their safety, she let 90 fir.
: one and then the other whack against NJ
the three-legged milk stool bouncing aftt
- him-his head in fragrant mud-puddle, al
his feet elevated in 'lhe elastic fluid whic
surrounds the earth He screamed to S
mon Mildmay, his hired man, to come to tn
. rescue but Simon was engaged just then
the interesting business of kissing Jane, b
-, hind the brindle COW she was milking, ar
~ it was some time before he responded to Il
call.
IL When Mr.. Smith was once more raised
. the perpendicular, he swore a few easy word
- looked sadly at the Durham Cheshire sho
u horn, and went in to Mrs. Smith to get Il
IL wounded limb done up. From that worth
-, lady he received but little consolation.
;" ~, i alters told you. Smith, said she, 'to ke'
:, clear of Squire Richer he's torment'
u speculator and alters will get the best end
bargain. He got cheated once, when
al married his wife, and that's some comfort.
a. He wanted to have me once but good luc
nc Id as soon throw myself into the mill por
:, and committed regicide. Dear sake, II
H. cloth amt half big enutf to reach round 70
leg now. Wait till sew it together. l {
lers knowd-it has been beat into me
more'n year that Squire Richer would E
, the better of you somehow, and now"
III Better of me or not put in Mr.. Smith,
- his wife paused for breath, you'll see il
II don't fix him. I'll let him know that l ali
rs fool yet
'Sho. You don't pretend to say you'll I
j.. to cheat him !? Remember, you're memt
T. of the church,
III fix him, said-ain't that enuf
=. have my money back again afore next mon
he this time-if don't, then I'll give you
l. gown
ns n's wall, why not tell how you calculate to
ou it?'
-. wall, l can to. Pshaw woman ca
ns, us keep secret to rest easy without knowi
a:a Aa' everything. I'll fix him--thats all
~, n1S With wonderfully knowing air, \
'o Smith limped out of the house, and going
-, the milk.yard, desired Simon MiIdmay
n's Hs step into the sleeps house with him m
~ rs ute-he wanted to have little talk.
"a "a Simon, frightened half to death lest
lD- &C.,, l>ob;,J %bo b,;.dlo ,a~-