Gazette and sentinel., 1860-04-21
Witticisms.

sents the other.
Apropos of the new law book, "Par-
sons Oh Maritime Law" a spinster
friend asks, What do persons know
about %marry-timc law y
We wonder that, among all the titlea
bestowed upon the moon, none Of her
p%oetical admirers have Eve spoken OF
her as her serene highness.
On a person asking another if he be-
lievcd III the appearance Of spirits, h9
replied, mo, but | believe in their dis
appearance. for l have missed a bottle
Of gin since last night
The. Chinese method Of taking off
boots is as follows They place the
boos in a vice, and apply a yoke 30 the
neck, worked by n wheel which only
stops working when the boot or head
comes off.
That was u triumphant appeal Of the
lover of antiquity, who, in arguing the
superiority of old architecture over the
new, said, "Whcrc will You find any
modern building that has lasted 50 long
as the ancient! 2"
Here is a chance for the girls. There
are in Iowa thirty-ninc thousand more
males than females. and it is one Of the
best States i'll the Union, and we should
think it q prominent point to enter the
Union from the state Of ccllbacy.
Scene in the Lobby of the Opera
House Wichard, ole felIah, did you
observe how that CURL gazcd at my krc-
vat. No, BwyOn, | did not, for there
was a sweet creature in the boxes.
whose eyes were positively inverted on
my boots all the evening.
Theodore Hook was walking, in the
days of Warren's backing, where n
of the emissarics of that shining charac-
ter had written on the wall. Try
Warren's B. but had been fright
encd from his propricty and fled. The
rest is lacking" said the wit.
4 merchant examining a hoSsheado Of
hardware, on comparing it with the In
voice, found it all right, except a ham,
mer less than the invoice. "Och, don't
be Troubled about that, yer honor"
said his Irish porter, IAN sure the ma
CUR TUX it to open the cask w,d."
An absent-minded lawyer sat down to
write a decd, he began it, Know n
woman" when his clerk Immediately in
| terruptcd him with, You are wrong, it
should be, Know all menw well,
never mind" rctorted the old crab, 'lf
one woman knows il, all men will soon
know it"
A young ensign of a regiment, sta
toned not far from Manchester, residing
in lodgings, the sitting room Of which
was very small, was visited by one Of
his old fashionable friends, who, on ia
king leave, said, well Charles, and
how much longer do you mean to stop in
this nuishcN!' to which he wittily repli-
ed, Until | become a kernel.
Irving used to tell astory illustrative
of the Yankee talent at making things
pay" \ man who swept chimneys for a
living, also sent turkeys to maket, tying
a cord around the neck of the bird so as
not to choke it suddenly, and then draw
ing it up and down the chimney, so that
the hutter of the expiring struggle
might do the sweeping.
First class in Astronomy stand up
"Where does the sun rise :" please,
sir, down in our meadow; l seed it yes
terday I" Hold your tongue, you
Ounce; where does the sun rise ?" 81
KNOWN the east !" Right, and why
does it rise in the east ~ Because the
east makes everything rise" "Out, you
boody p
"Vvhere was John Rogers burnt to
death ?r said a teacher to one of his
pupils, in a commanding voice. He
couldn't tell. "The next. Joshua
knows" said the little girl at the foot Of
the class. "Well," said the teacher, "if
Joshu knows, he may tell" IN tie fire =
said Joshua looking very solemn and
wise. This was the last question.
A darkey preacher arose to announce
his text as follows In dc fust pistol
of Clover, and two hundred and ninety
fust verse" Hold up, Doctor ~
shouted one of his hearers; you have
I. got into the wrong book; you mean de
pistol of Timothy, | s'pose ?" The
preacher hcsitated a moment, with
very profound look, and said well,
must cave in dis time, though | know'd
dat text was somewhere among the
grasses"
A disagreeabIc old bachelor, whose
proposal t o marry was refused for the
fifteenth time recently by young lady
, was heard, Immediately after the refu
sal. 10 deliver q most bitter phillipiC