Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1860-02-02
How an Advertisement got a Wife
(From "Onee a Wesg.")

] '>'sSS " 'fccss
Tobacco Is the tomb Of love" write, y
modern novelist of high standing; but with
every respect for bis authority beg 10 gay
il was quite the contrary in my case.
Twcnty-one years ago, was sitting by
my ireside. tolting up innumerable pages Of
my bachelors housekeeping book, taking
exercise in arithmetic on long columns OF
"petty cash" comprising items for carrots
and Bath-bricks, metal tacks and mutton
chops-unill, tired and wearied, arrived at
the sum total, and jerked the book on the
mantle. piece. Nearly at the same time
placed my hand in the pocket Of my
dressing gown drew out leather CASE .,'snd
Ut a principle. Well, having lit the prih-
cipie, placed my feet on the fender and
sighed, exhausted by my long job OF domes
tic accounts. ] was then in busines5-'twas
a small wholesale business then lis large
one now-yet one mornings tot,ing of car
rots and Bath bricks, Of tacks and chops
would tire me "A thousand times more than
twenty.four hours Of honest ledger-work. |
sighed, not from love but from labor; for, to
tell you the truth, ! had never been in love
Is this 10 go on forever! though, |, as took
my third Whit, and looked dreomiy through
the thin smoke as i. ascended between me
and large print Of the capture oi Gibralt.
er which hung over the chimney piece
Am to spend my prime in iotting up par.
snips, and computing carrots, and comptroI-
ling washing bills! ] sighed, again, and in
the act, off flew the button Of my neck
band. as though some superior power had
sent the accident TO remind me Of nv help
lessness.
The button settled the business; though,
as it slipped down inside my shirt, and pass
ed with lis mother-o-pearl coldness over my
heart it for moment threatened to chill my
matrimonial resolution. i pitied Imy own
lonely state, and pity, we know, is akin to
love. But how was the matter to be ac-
complshedl Most men at my age would
already have adjusted their inclination TO
some object; so that having made up their
mind and counted the cost, little more would
have remained TO be done than to decide
upon the day and lay hold upon the license.
This however, was not the case with me.
had been too much occupied, too idle, or too
indolent to devote the time or make the e(-
fort TO "form an attachment" It was
through no disinclination or difficulty to be
pleased; for had any young lady of moder-
aiely agr reeahly powers taken the trouble,
she might have married me long ere then..
7 Should even have been grateful 10 her for
taking the trouble off my hands, bat ! was
too bashiu to adopt the mi atative:
WIS blshful man. This weakness
came from the same cause as my Uncle
Toby's-pamely, want OF acquaintance
with female society, which want arose from
another cause in my cnse--namely, too close
an application 10 business.
Accordingly, thought of an advertise
ment; yet with no practical design Of doing
business, but as persuaded myself, for IA
joke. S, scratched with pencil on the
back of letter the 70 Glowing:
"WASrED A WIrE.-None bu. principals
need apply. The advertiser does not re-
quire cash, but only a companion. He is
six-and twenly, and. tired of single, he
thinks he can settle down 10 married life
AS men go, he believes he has moderate
share of temper, ard want Of time is his
only reason for having recourse to the news
papsrs. He has enough means for himself
and second party, and is willing to treat
at once. He is quite aware that a great
many attempts to convert his honest inten-
tions into an extravagant juke will be made,
but lie warns all rash intruders. II he finds
a man hardy enough TO make sport of his
affections. he will thrash hint woman
he will forgive her. He has heart for the
sincere, horsewhip for the impertinent.-i
In either case. all applications will be-
promptly attended to, if addressed to P. P,
to the office of this paper"
!elt proud Of my composition, and puff
fed away my principe with vague idea of
glee and anticipation of something coming
out Of it. had no very great i'ea that any
thing but fun would result; and certainly
had not the slightest notion of involving
my self in personal collision with any one.
Still, the preseuliment that it waij not de-
s,ned to be all joke pressed upon me. On
Saturday the advertisement appeared, and |
heard its style canvassed by all my friends,
and it was jokingly suggested by more than
one. that was the domesticnlly destitute
individual who put i, forth.
On Monday morning sen. boy to the
newspaper office for p. P's letters. ex-
pected he might be followed by some curious
and nqusitive persons; so told him on
his way back to call on a bache lor friend of
mine for book. The trick told. The lad
was followed by some persons who never