The Perrysburg journal. [volume] (Perrysburg, Ohio) 1853-1861, 1860-05-03
iIasn Tor Dinner "a yankee
ny C. " aAvta.

l-a.n S. lived To nun sumiinles whcn W
there, like al oyster, and then ! git huweoutn
tue shell aud scattered rround kinder promiscous
like Meow dads Jest obrout rs smart nn old
chsp land I'm generally allowed TO take arIer
hin,)@-jest about Us good an old cbsp ~ ever
druv ie IN Of swaoweds mug of cider. lie
had enc awful haitin' though,he would lrs hire
inesu men on the form. Pick tho hull entire
census OF the United States aud ifye could find
W scabbedcr lot may be p ,red, quartered, ,cored
and made into apple sass. They said how thai
was lazy, aud | sorer guess work and did
have n falin eout that we never got over;bW
could whip tho whole bilin' OF 'em, ono cum and
tothcf follow.
Wal, as | wns sayin', the COLL dOrndest tail
end Of the To- was one Gdbe Jones He was 80
'arnal mean that when he lay deuwn tew The
creek 'ew drink the wotrrd all turn snd run up
stream. Bud he had tew suck it through y long
hollrr cane SOS tcw keep out OF sight. ~" was
so evrrnsiin' contemplate that he would cast a
shadder IN the cloudest day; aud lie was so
pisoD ugly that il was certain death for a Ny
or musheto 10 light on him lie was shaped
like cross between munkcy sud sawbnck,
and When he wa- u soft baby his chin and tore
head must have been squeezed tngc her aud never
fnhled Straight ngin. His mcoutn--O CLAN
shells mud barn doors--wos like the opening OF
carpet hay, and twisted one side n, that Tell
ye how that was, he fell inter The water when
lie was boy, aud his thcr hung him up by
the corner lew dry. The siun,r pretended tew
be kinder pious tcw aud TUX to lecturin me on
my fun with the gals games, hunin and shoot
in and the like. let on that | couldn't be
convatied no how. lie snlill ID that there wasn't
nohln onpossi ole with God
Yes, thero u.s. scz |,
What is il 2 seq to-
why, you grreny,' seq ], its onpossible to
make yer mouth laTg"r without sct!in' yer GERS
bu<k.'
Tint SCI pan on his exor,in me.
My old dad was most MS mean Bs he was, but
not quite. One dny he gin Gaba the oats and
barley aud wheat grains AT the bottom Of the
NOV, that the rats and mice had been runnin
through Tor twenty year or m ,re, an there "
us much OF the lesvius' of one us t'othsr. Meow
what dew Vow think q be dun ? He gathered
it all mp, winnered it eout keerfuly, then
whicwashed il aud took it deown to the store
in a bag and sold il as rice for half price lie
did, by molasscs
Meow old Jones had been to mill that day
and cum right past the store on his way hum
aud the stotrkerper knowin' hpcw be loved rice
asked him II he didn't want tew buy some very
cheap The old gull jumpel at the chance and
TUX the hull bag Arer he got hum. when
Mirm Jones cum tew cook it you'd better be-
heve there was u storm in tho house like an
equnoctia Oui the hnll thing cum ou, but
nary red could they got oout OF GLbe--no, sir.
ee.
But ef my old dl couldn't suit his boys with
hired men, he was deth on dewin' it with the
female women help. lie wouldn't hev n humly
one abcout him moren a cat would take n bath
IN Janiwary That kinder made norm grumblc
bui twarn't no use Praps he wanted to give
his boys, aud Eph, an arly idea OF lilr, SOS
tew resist temptation better when they W 6
grown up. Howsever. got nv fust lesson in
spark,n' from one on EN-, Patience Ann Gray
mud she wus real screammcr of a pretty gal
She lived with dad long time tendln' the
DAIRY aud was us smart Us she was pretty. She
drawed beaux as a susser of 'ssses does flies
Her hygcr tarnaiion sigh fuer than that slave
gals we've heard so much about in New York
and her eyes was so b'ew aud bright that when
fathers peaco--bess my soul masculine pc
fowl seen her one day when she rust cum he
stepped right up TO dad as he was chopin laid
his continuation feathers under the axe aud had
itchoptIsd squire OF lie WAS generally proud
nsA tsSals bell in her mistress, silk gownd but
bs couldn't never raise his eyes al neither end
sster seein hern. Fact, bv hoe.handle Tie
sonldn't stand the press Why, darn il her
camper WAS so swest that milk wouldn't souer
iR the milk room when she was in it, aud the
keows used ter fight for the privilege of bein'
milked by her | tell We she was reel. men.
agetie. mass meeting and political convention OF
agal, oil rolled into on".
Wall, ye see. Patience she kinder oottened up
TO me, and | sS velveled up 10 her. | swow
tew gracious loved her like a ten thousand
hoss power maryne engine. and she sed she
liked me well enough not tew give me the nit
ten till she could find better ieer. Meow shc
hated Gabe just as much as | loved her. and that
kinder elevated a scrapr one dLyso don't mind
Of / tell you all about it.
Yeou see il got tol'she on towards MIy. one
spring. when dad told anI Cab, to z, drown
seller aud sort over last years garIen sass, so
down we went. BiHehy, ,ong cum Patience
10 peel aud cut up the dinner Vegetables. Meow
Gabe about suthin' or other felt as uLly as a
hungry bull druv outn clover field. and he
begun TO scold al Patience. Wall, ye know
wouldat stand that, so Jest told him to dry
up. That sorter riled him and he right up onh
let drive n rotten lateI al me, full split Took
me right in the bread basket kersnp. Split my
second best go'tew meetiu vest that he'd on
Then he opened tAat ptplAin trap of hisn and
haw-haw'd right out eout This ere made me
Tnadder'n bla2es. Jest then had BIZ tater i'm
NV hand, jest hard enough to throw aud iet
soft enough tew smash mi took hsstrate aim
at his open puddin' trap. C ssosh il went
night in and cen a most filled up the hole Il
sOunded prezactly like IA trowel OF mortar slap.
ped in between couple of bricks, Jemima
ginsngs aud soft sqnsshes | but didn't he cough
and choke, and spit, and cry, ,alore he got II out,
then guess ha sworea small lew OF his most
plouS, sWh'eu ralence she iAried ready to
die. Soon as he cum tew little, she sez tew
him:
Here, Gabe, take piece of turnip tew take
the bad taste outn yer mouth handin' eout,
as he s'posed, piece ol rewta-baga.
He grabbed al il like prea cher atter call,
slapped il into his mouth and chawed away
like New York mechapic on boarding house
steak. But to rights he begun to choke and
spit and swear all an-eeud. wus'n ever Patience.
the critter. had gin him a piece of yaer SOAP
and cut up stairs to wssh the billed vittles. III
already tagged the varmlnt once, so he didn't
Garst to pitch inter me, aud he began to scoli
Patience behind her back But she heard and
made ready. Bimeby he shouldercd his bushel
haaLei Of Inters 10 cnrrr M, Ia, .nr IL. -