The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-02-01

for we have tried it. Last might. about gas
| light time, after reading glowing description
of life on skates, we prepared for our nrst at
| tempt and snlied forth to join the merry crowd
We had ON pair Of stoga boots, trousers legs
tucked inside Robert tailed coat and white hat.
We went down on the ice, and gave a boy tive
shillings in good coin of the realm, for the use
of his implements. We have confidence, even
ms great as Peters faith. We, with the assist
ance Of africnd' fixed on the skates, and stood
erect, like a BARRIERS pole.
Encouraged at the sight Of some ladies on the
bridge looking at the skaters, we struck OUT
A slant 10 the light with the right foot--a slant
to the left with the left foot@-and just then we
saw something on the ice, and stopped over 10
pick IL up I On our feet agaln-Gtwo slants to
the right and one to the left, accompanied with
n lack Of confidence. Another stride with the
right foot and we sat down with fearful rapidity
with very little, If any, elcgance What set
down it was, for we made dent in the ice not
unlike Connecticut butter bowl. Just then
one of the ladies remarked" Oh, look, Mary,
that Teller with white hat amt got his skates ON
the right place" Ditto, thought we. Just
then ragged little devil sang out as he passed
us" Hello, old timber legs - and we arose sud
denly aud put, after him. Three slides 10 the
right, two TO The left, and away went our legs
one to the east, and the other west, causing an
immense assure in our pants, and another pic
cold--ice! Then the lady--we know she was
one by the remark she made--agsin spoke and
said: "0h look, Mary, that chap within white
hat has sat down on his handkerchief, to keep
from taking cold 7" We rose. about as graceful
as a saw-horse, when Mary said-"guess 'tainta
handkerchief Jane, and Mary was right. IL
wasn't n handkerchicf-not n bit Of il just
then a friend came along, and profercd his coat
tail as "steader." We accepted tho contin-
e 4 -,
about ten rods, when shy to the right by tho
leader caused us, the wheel horse, to scooton ON.
tangent, heels up But the ice is very cold,
this season
We tried 1t again. A glide one way--a glide
and half the other, when "ichack" came our
bump Of philoprogenitiyeness on the ice, and we
saw a million Of stars dancing around our eyes,
like ballet girls at the Bowery theatre. How
that shock won't through. our system, and up and
down our spinal column. Lightning couldn't
have cork-screwed it down CREASED saplin with
greater speed and more exhilarating effect
Boarding house butter nor n warranty deed,
could not have struck stronger than we did
and dozen ladies looking at us-and our "fsh-
ured" pants
"Hallo, old cock" sang out that ragged imp
again, and We there helpless! Soon we got up
and made another trial. with better SUCCESS
Perhaps we had skated, in our peculiar style,
fifteen feet, when laundering chap came up
behind, and we sat down with our tired head
pillowed in his lap-and he swearing at us, when
it was all his own fault How cold the ice was
there, too Every spot where we made our de-
but on the ice-oh how cold it was ! Our bear
skin drawers were no protection ut ALL We tried
again, for the papers say it's fun, and down
came our RomansGrecianC nose, on the cold ju-
lep material, and the little drops Of crimson ran
down our shirt bosom, and on the cold ice.--
Once more we tried skating for theshore
sat down and counted damages.
Two shilhngs in cash, thrown away. Seven
lateral and one "fronteraP' bumps on ice. One
immense assure in ms handsome pair of ten
dollar cashmere as man ever put his legs in.
One rupture in the knee extending to the bone,
Four buttons from our vest, "fragmented'
watch crystal and a back-ache, big enough to
divide among the children Of Israel If you
catch us on the smooth, CLASSY, chilly, freezing,
trecherous, deceitful, slippery and slip uppery ice
again, you'll know it If any one ever hears of
our skating again, they will please draw us
Mt sight for tho bivalves and accompanying do
cuments We have got through skating, It's a
hum-bug. It's q vexation of spirit, of business,
of flesh, and tearer Of trowsers Its head
humping, back aching, leg-wearing, dangerous
institution, and we warn people against skating.
We tried it, and shan't be able to walk for
month. Skating clubs are a humbug, and all
the rascally youngsters wish to get the ladies Mt
it, that they may see-if they too, don't say
''the Ice is dreadfnIly cold!" It's nothing to
us, but the ladies will do well to let skates alone
unless they are younger and more elastic than
we are. Oh how cold the ice is--pe can feel
IL get ....... 49,. .f.... ....