davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

GETTING AN INvITATIoN.-Rev. DR.. S.
had travelled far to preach to congregation
at -. After the sermon he waited very
patiently expecting some of the brethren to in
vite him home to dinner. In this he was dis
appointed. One and another departed, until
the house was almost as emptyas the minister's
stomach. Summonng resolution, however, he
walked up to an elderly gentleman, and grave
ly said:
"Wil you 60 home with me to-day for din
ner, brother?"
"Where do you live ?"
"About twenty miles from this, sir"
"No," said the man, coloring, "but you must
60 home with me-"
"Thank you-1 will cheerfully."
After that time the minister was no more
troubled in that place abont dinner,
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

HaTA strict temperance man, whose wife
had fallen down in a fit, asked the doctor, in
slow and measured tones, if, on his conscience
as Christian physician, it would be in any
way culpable, when lady fell down in a fit,
to put little brandy to her lips. "The deuce
take your doubts, sir" said the doctor, in rage;
Gin case like this, one scruple of brandy is
worth twenty scruples of conscience"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

aI Learn in childhood if you can, that hap
piness is not outside, but inside. A good heart
and clear conscience brings happiness; no
riches or circumstances alone ever do.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

R%A young lady being addressed by gen
teman much older than herself, observed to
him that the only objection she had to union
with him was the probability Of his dying be-
f,re her and leaving her to the sorrows Of widow
hood. TO which he made the apt and delicately
complimentary reply, BLESSED is the man who
hath virtuous wife, for the number of his days
shall be doubled"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

s-"Why does father call mother honey ?"
asked a boy of his elder brother Cant think,
except it's cause she wears a large comb in her
head"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

GS-A bill is pending in one of our west
ern Legislatures to empower women to make
contracts. They should by all means be
authorized to contract-they have expanded
too much
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

ed themselves about the act. For your iniquity
in stealing in the great town of Windsor, the
court sentences you to three months imprison-
ment in the county jail-and may God give you
something to eat
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12

BS Judge B. was once obliged to "double"
with an Irishman in crowded hotel, when the
following conversation ensued
"Pat, you would have remained long time
in the old country before you could have slept
with Judge would you not ?"
''Yes yer honor" said Pat, "and I think yer
honor would have been a long time in the ould
country before yed been Judge, too !"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1860-07-12
A Man Who Made the Red Coats Run.

In one of the little villages of Westchester
county, lived an old fellow somewhat fond of
his glass of toddy, and of hanging around the
bar-rooms of the village taverns to hear the
gossip, and occasionally ''inlulge," and some
times to excess, of which he was afterwards
very much ashamed. He went by the name
of "Old Sam," and was really very entertain
ing parsonage. He had seen Gen. Washington,
and was, according to his story, the cause of
the British evacuating the city. ''Come, SAM"
some lounger would say, tell us about your
driving the British out of New York" Well,
now, Squire don't exactly say that did do
it, but I'll give you the facts and you can draw
your own conclusions You see the British
was in New York and knew and we all felt
that they had been there long enough; and for
one | was determined they shouldn't be there
any longer One night, after we had been
talking about it for some time before going to
bed, | said to our folks: 81 shall ride to the
city in the morning and shall 60 armed /" l
went right out to the stable, with lantern,
three hours before daylight, satldled our white
mare, put two loaded pistols in the holsters of
the saddle, and took my fathers sword, that he
carried at Bunker Hill, and l got into New
York early in the morning, and the British
hal lefr' ''They had evacuated the city, do
you mean to say? ?" I mean to say they had
acknowledgements away! Now, l don't
mean to say that the British kne,c was coming.
| do say ii looks rery much like IT,"
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26
Going through the Motlong.


"Wife, bring me some cold beef said
a shiftlcss husband, when, for the first
time in his Iife he discovered that he
was more hungry than thirsty.
"There is no beef in the house, was
the mild reply.
"Fctch me some pork, then"
"No pork, either"
"Wen, then, let me have some pota-
toes"
"Not a potatoo left"
"Thunder and lightning get me some
bread, then"
"The breads all gone, too"
"Woll, give me a knife and fork, and
let me go through The motions"
The National Democratic party has
refused to bestow either cold victuals or
bread on Douglas, but a fraction of the
party have donated o knife and fork
with which he can go through the mo.
tions of running for President, Not q
morsel of food is left for him in tho
Democratic house, but he is content
with the appearance Of the thing, After
all his airs, he gets an empty nomina
ton, which affords him about one-hund
redth part the chance of getting into
the White House, that he has Of get
ting into Abraham's bosoml What
terrific descent for a "little giant!
Detroit ADV.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

sorercgay where another power has
the right Of review and repeal Then,
Pugh, Payne, and The Douglas Dcmoo-
racy in romitting tho question to tho
decision of the Supreme Court, sur
render popular sovereignty to that
department Of our government Tartbost
removed from the people. The people
themselves, as to any effective control
over the subject, arc bound hand and
foot, and delivered into the hands Of
the Supreme Court Is this the true
theory and construction Of the Con-
stitution which "IVe, the Pcople," es.
tablished, to "socuro the blessings Of
liberty to ourselves and our postcrity"2
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26
Why Honest Abe Lincoln should be
Elected.


Aside from the position which the Re.
publican party occupies on the great is
sue Of the day-the extension or nom
extension of slavery in the Territories
there is another good and sufficient rca-
son why Lincoln should be elected. lt
is the unparalleled corruption and pro-
Higacy which have been proven upon
the Democracy No such dcep-dycd
corruption in high places has ever be-
fore been known as that which has been
brought to the light by the invcstigat-
ing committees of the NNNFIth Con-
grcss. The President and officers Of the
Cabinet, Members Of Congress and at
tachos have participated alike in the
general plundcr, bribery and corrup-
ton.
The public Treasury has been levied
upon to bribc votes by which to con-
|summate the ncfariou5 schemes of tho
/ slave oligarchy; to oppross the suffering
and injured people of Kansas; to reward
political friends, and to carry elections,
/ in order to retain possession of the pub
/ lie treasure. With a knowledge Of these
facts it is no longer a mystery how it is
that the annual expenditures Of the
government have been swelcd to the
present enormous sum in the last eight
years Of Democratic rule. No people
can long preserve republican form of
government whore such o Wholesale corr
.ruption prevails among its law makers
and rulers.
But change is demanded The great
mass Of the people are honest and they
Twill have a clearing out Of the political
leeches and corrupt officials at the Fed
cral Capital And no better man can
be found to place in the White House
than Abraham Lincoln lie is honest
Every body knows he is honest. The
D. Democracy ever ready to dccry any
man not of their kidney, have not dared
to deny that he is honest. lie is plodg-
ed by the Republican Platform to a RI
81 gid enonomy and accountability in the
, administration Of the government, and
he is just the man to iuaugurate tho
reform which is so much needed at this
time. Elect Lincoln and Hamliu aud
the people are sure to have an honest
Q administration; elect another Democrat
{ and who can doubt that tho system Of
r bribery and corruption now SO emf
nently Democratic will be continued fol
another four years.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26
Communications.
LETTER FROM SOUTHERN IL
LIMOS.

LETTER FROM SOUTHERN IL
LIMOS.
RecoZzections Of "Old Highzana"-Rap-
I'D Increase Of RepUblicanisu1 IN South
crn Illinois Troubles of the Democ-
racy-Propeets for Lincoln and
HamiB.
MT. VERNON, I'LL, July 9, 1860.
FRIEND BOARDMAN Through the
politeness of some of your subscribers
in Ohio, I am occasionally blost with
the privilege of seeing and reading
your excellent popor, and 1 assure you
it affords me much pleasure to poruso
the news of "Old Highland" county
And why not2 Are there no attach
meuts to Home and Home things?-
Surely thero are; and those, too, of the
strongest kind. Then of course the
good people Of this town will allow me
tho privilege Of throwing aside the
."Guardian" and the "Star" published
in this place and taking up, in their
stead, the "NEws, which truly ohroni-
oles the many interesting Go me) Incl
dents chat are daily transpiring in my
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

ANECDoTE OF JOHN ADAMs,-Tho pa.
triot, John Adams, IL is said was de-
signed for q shoemaker, like his father.
One day Deacon Adams, his parent, gave
him some uppcrs to cut out by a pat
tern that had three -cornered hole in
it, by which it had hung upon nail,
and il was found that he had followed
the pattern exactly, triangular hole and
ALL The deacon, upon seeing this, de-
cidod that John wasn't fit to be shoe.
maker, and put him to school. The
old patriot would have made a good
printer in an Office whore the rule is tc
'follow copy"
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26
Popular Sovereignty VS.. the Su-
preme Court.

The Northern Democracy profess dc.
votion and obedience to t,oo sovereign
tios-that of the people and that of the
Supreme Court One class of the De-
mocracy say that the Supreme Court
has decided tho constitutional qucs-
ton in favor Of the right to introduce
slave property into the territories under
the Federal Constitution. The other
class maintain that it has not been de-
oidod, but pledge themselves to "abide
by" the decision when the issue is fair
ly made up and passed upon While
they assume this position, they still
claim that the protection or rejection
of slavery in the territories belongs tc
the sovereignty Of the peoplei Can the
| Supreme Court aud the people both bC
sovereign over the same subject? If il
be a proper case for adjudication anC
decision by the Court, then the people
have no power over it;-there is No
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

DRAWING THE LINE.-A lady whose
style of piety was more affected than
attractive, once took friend to task for
wearing feathers, 'But," said the friend
"why are my feathers any more objec-
tionablo than the brilliant flowers in
your own bonnot?" ooh, replied the
censorious lady, "Christians must draw
the line some,ohere, and draw it al
fcathers!'
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

COMING OVER. - The Constantine
(Mich.) Mercury says that several here
tofore staunch Democrats in that viii
lage have, since the disruption at Bal
timore, declared their intention to vote
for Lincoln and Ilamlin. The Kala-
mazoo Telegraph also notes that Horace
Eldred, an influential Democrat Of Gales
burg, has joined the Republican party.
When the Douglas men see how utterly
hopeless their chances are, there viii be-
general stampede Of them into our
ranks,
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

THE unraHr OF THE RIDICULOUS

n
ny OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES
Twrote somo limos once ON a time,
I'm wondrous merry mood,
And thought, MS usual, mon would say
Theywcro exceeding good.
Thoy were 40 queer, so very queer,
laughed os I would diei
Abbott in the general way
A sober man am /.
IcaIlod my servant, and he came;
How kind it was of him,
To mind a slender man like mo,
Ho Of the mighty limbl
,,Thcse to the priutor," exclaimed,
And, in my humorous way,
Iadded, fas q trininu iostD
UThare'll DO the doyil TO payl'
III, took the paper, and watched
Aud saw him peep wthini
AZ tho first line ne read his iaco
Was an upon o. grin.
TTo read the ncxt-tho grin grew broad,
And ran from ear 90 Cari
Ue read the third-a ChuCkling noise
I now began TO hear
The fourth he broke into a roar;
Tho fnh, his waistboud split;
The sixth. he burst five buttons on,
And tumblcd I'm mt.
Ten days and nights, with slccpless eyes,
1 watched that wretched man.
And since I mover dare to writo
As funny as I canl
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

A negross, speaking Of her children,
said of one lighter than the rest, "sho
could not bar dat ar chile, kaso he show
dirt so easy"
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

A gentleman coming into the room
Of the late DR.. Barton told him that
Mr.. Vowel was dead. "What" said
he, "Vowel dead? Let us be thankful
it was neither u nor l'
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26
AtuW lhb ne" loih liluW
The Divided House.

A great deal has been said by the
journals of tho Democratic party about
passage in one of Mr. Lincolns speech
es, in which he spoke Of the Union as
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

Good manners is the art of making
those around us easy. Whoever makes
the fewost persons uneasy is the best
bred person in the company.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

CHINESE SALUTATIONs.-The saluta-
ton between two Cinnamon when they
meet, consists in each clasping and
shaking his own hands, instead of each
others, and bowling very profoundly,
almost to the ground, several times A
question more common than GLOW do
you do?" is, "Have you eaten rico?"-
This being the great staple article of
food throughout the Empire, and form
ing the chief and indispensable part Of
every meal, it is taken for granted that
if you have "eaten rice" you are we'll.
Etiquette requires that in convcrsa-
ton, each should compliment the other,
and everything belonging to him, in the
most laudatory style; and depreciate
himself with all pertaining to him, to
the lowest possible point. The follow
ing is no exaggeration, though not the
precise words:
"What is your honorable namc?"
MyinsignifcantappellationisWon Wong
"Whcro is your magnificent paloce?'
'My contemplate hut is at Suchan.'
GLOW many are your illustrious chill
dren?"
"My vile, worthless brats are FIVE"
GLOW is the health Of your distin
guished spouse?"
"My mean, goOd-for-nothing old wo
man is we'll"
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

ENCoURAGING TO THE GIRLs.--Nao.
mi, the daughter of Euoch, was five
hundred and eighty years old when she
was married. Courage, ladies
There never was goose so gray
But some day, soon rlutt
An honest gandor came that way,
And took her for his mattel
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26


The Revolution in the U. S. Senate,
The New York Post, considering the
condition Of the United States Senate,
says:
The news from Oregon which we pub
lishod yesterday gives the cause of free
dom the assurance of two new champi-
ons on the floor of the Senate, and
probably q representative in the lower
house. This good fortune was unex-
pcCtcd, and on that account is all the
moro welcome.
So Mr.. Lane will have no sacrifices
of Senatorial ambition to make if he is
elected Vice President Nor is the cleo
ton of Republican successor to him,
and Smith the only acquisition our
party will make in the Senate this fall
Chase will take the place, of Pugh from
Ohio; Fitch in Indiana will have to give
up his place to a Republican, which he
should have done two years ago. Big
| ler's place also is to be filled by the Io
gislature that is chosen this fall, anC
nothing within the range Of mortal sa
gacity can forcsce the election of any
/ thing but a Republican in his place.
OF course Kansas will send two Re
publican Senators to Washington, fo'
whom the next Congress will lose nc
/ time in providing comfortable seats
All these will be acquisitions to the Re
publican strength, which will mount u,
| to thirty-two strong, against thirty-si.
] IL. No. o.. .k .
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

A TOUCHING CAsE.-On Sunday last,
says tho Cattaraugus Republican, a
child in that place died, as was suppos-
cd, and on Monday preparations were
made for its burial. Monday afternoon
the funeral was held, and the body of
the child accompanied by a large num-
Der of friends, was conveyed to tho
grave. AS the dirt began to fall upon
the coffin, a feeble cry was heard. The
coffin was instantly raised and opened,
and a shrek of "motherl' burst from
the lips Of the rosuscitated child. 1t is
useless to attempt a description Of the
scene that followed. The child is in a
fair way to recover.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

The following story is told of Rev,
DR.. Morse: Atan association dinner a
debate arose as to the benefit of whip
ping in bringing up children. The doc
tor took the affirmative, and his chief
opponent was a young minister whose
reputation for veracity was not very
high. He affirmed that parents often
did harm to their children by unjust
punishment, from not knowing the facts
in the case. "Why," said he, "the only
time my father ever whipped me was for
telling the truth" "Well," retorted
the doctor, "it cured you oft, didn'tit2"
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

A Chance for the Girls.
Jane Swissholm advertises editorially
in her last issue as follows:

Jane Swissholm advertises editorially
in her last issue as follows:
WANTED,
Tn st. Cloud, a large supply Of raw
material for the manufacture Of brides.
None in the market, and a pressing de-
mand. Those having surplus to dispose
Of, would do well to put up small packa-
ges, carefully, in straw bOnnets, borago
walls, crinoline and silk founces and
consign them to the care of any Of our
commission merchants, Miller e. Swiss
helm, or II. u. Mitchell at Lower Land
ing, Burbank's express office, Marlett &
Gins, druggists, Able, stationer, Proc
tor & Clarke, or any of our business
men will gladly receive consignmonts,
Evans, postmaster requires one super
extra package for his own use. McKelvy,
county attorney, is in like condition
Our place is perfectly infested with wild
overs and old and young bachelors,
kept so from the necessities Of the case.
Widows and maiden ladies, none on
hand, and none likely to be.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

OUGHT MARRIED PEOPLE TO SLEEP
TOGETHERl-Halps journal of Health,
which claims to be high authority in
medical science, has taken stand
against married people sleeping togoth-
or but thinks they had better sleep in
adjoining rooms. It says that Kings
and Queens do not sleep together and
why should other people? Think Of
separating a now-marriod couple on a
cold winters night, because Halls Jour
nal of Health says So, You 80 to grass
Mr.. Hail. Southwest News,
PARIS A1UsEMENTs.-A new method
Of amusement has been adopted in Paris
Fashionable people, who do not find
private thoatricals, or private concerts
suitng to their taste, give priDate SER
MONS A pulpit is erected in the draw.
ing room, and the hostess takes a great
deal of pains to secure a popular and
eloquent preacher. Great exortions arc
made that they are not outdono by thciI
neighbors in the matter Of eloquence
! OF course it is not to be supposed thai
these services are open to the public
but especial cards of invitation are is
sued to the matinee rclgcuse, with care
full attention to the quality of the guests
invited.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

[Forthe News.
Miscellaneous Enigma.
am composed Of l0 letters;
My o n l6 Is kind Of grain
My 2 is a color.
My 13 II o 3 6 is the name Of girl.
My 10 is q musical instrument.
My o Z is what / love TO do.
My 10 z l6 o Is kind of drink
My II II Il 10 u is a beautiful trco.
My whole Is the name Of Methodist preacher In Iowa
Carmel, o.. CATHERINE.
pD-Answor to Enigma in last weeks paper Con
stautinOple
Rebus.
ny II. H. HUGGINs.
Complete I guido the crrant ship
Through dangers ON the maini
Behead me, and nimbly skip
Across the level plain
Bchcod again, and adorn
And grace the homes Of men
TranspUsc me, and mark for scorn,
Fear hate, behold mo then,
Reverse me now and with tho roar
OF winds and stormy scHs,
My voice COmminglus-l explore
Old oceans mysteries. lldttle Pilgrim,
--~ o p---
Charade.
NY first is a noblo animal,
Useful-0dmircd by alli
Ny second Is q vegetable,
More used ln spring than falls
My whole will often bring tears 10 your eyes
But whouyou have guessed INC twill cause no Hurprs
little Pilgrim.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-07-26

Thurgday, -! July 28, 186O.