Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1860-04-28
Shnrt Patent SermOn.

Short Patent Sermon.
Nv text is contained in these words,
which most OF you have probably seen
some where, or somewhere else
"Pray, tell me how the devil was dressed"
"Oh he was in his Sundays best;
His coat was black, and hs trowsers blue,
With a hole behind where his tail came
through"
My HEARERs THE origin Of this
notorious scamp-the devils wrapped
up in a great many thicknesses Of obscu-
ri,y. As to his paternity, its generally
supposed that he never had father nor
mother, but is entirely seII-made; for
which wonderful piece Of workmanship
he, no doubt, takes vast Of deal Of credit
to himself. The first we hear of lis su-
per-royal highness, he was "sloshing
about" in Heaven, al terrible rate, and
frightening the infant cheruhms into fits
He pretended 10 be dissatisfied with the
general movemen, up there, but the throne
was his sole object; and | may say, he
Tough, like the devil 10 reach il, He
thought if he could only be king Of that
extensive dominion for few million OF
years, matters would be so put 10 rights
that they would take care of themselves
for the balance Of eternity. So he fought
ike a ,hreshng machine for the crown Of
glory; but, my brethren, he hadn' ammu-
nlliOn enough-his ratlons were short
his cause wasn't just-and the hosts Of
T. I,,r 10
nered a, last, and pitched over the balco-
nv; and down he came, ker chunk, some
where in The centre Of The dismal Swamp.
By that disastrous fall, my brethren, he
so injured his left foot, that it wilhered
and turned INTO hoof, which he exhibits
even to this day, except when arlfuliy
concealed by nicely polished calf skin
boot.
The first of this rascal's capers upon
earth, my friends, was that Of transform
ing himself into beautiful garter-snake,
and so charming good mother Eve that
she one dav committed slight misdemea-
nor, and forfeited her "third" of Paradise
and away went poor Adams share into
the bargain. And verify believe that
the same old reptile holds a fascinating
power over the fair sex at the present
time. His fallen Greatness, my brethren,
then put on suitable rig Of asbestos, and
turned firemsn-not one Of the b'hoys
that run with the big squirting machine,
but such fireman as is employed upon
sleamboatt TO heaye in The wood and keep
the bl5zes up. His great Pyrotecnlc es-
tablishment is in some locality best known
10 himself, but with which | trust, you
will become fully acquainted al some fu-
ture period.
Ny brethren, when the devil comes 10
town nowadays, he dofs his old fire
loggery, and dresses either in the flash
style or assumes a more gentlemanIy garb
seldom, indeed, coming in homespun or
with scedy coat, stogy boots and sooiy
shirt. Sometimes he may be seen strut
ting along. quite fancfuIly attired-wilh
coat of cIarel, yes. Of buff, pants Of sky
blue, and hat and boots of ivory polish;
with three damon studs and a nugget in
lis bosom, and gold watch chain large
and strong enough to telher mad ele-
phan,. But with all these, there is al
ways hole behind where the tail comes
through. Sometimes, TOO. he appears in
a more respectable guise of plain black,
with moderately short, business like hair,
and xeK trimmed whiskeIs.
In such raimenl he might readily be
mistaken for an unadulleraled gentlemen
AN influential and prominent citizen
were ii not that there is hole behind and
The tail will work itself through. And. |
brethren, have even known The old
scoundrel 10 don the ponlifical robe. gs
into The pulpi, and preach Chris. and him
crucihed, al salary, per annum, that
" ould crowd all The piety out Of your old /
pastor in less than fortnight from the
late of the frs. payment. | couldn'iPos'
,ibly have the bsndliog Of so much mon
~ and holdno my religion. Yes. breth-
-en. Eve seen The devil in clerical duds,
,olding forth 10 an admring cong!ega'
ION in The most eloquent style, fesiooning
he garden of Heaven with The rsTesl ex-
,iics, and describing hell as hundred
INES hotter than he himself could make