Des Arc citizen., 1860-03-28
For the Des Are Citizen.
 HARDsCRABBLE PAPERS.


 HARDsCRABBLE PAPERS.
 VOLUME, I. NUMBER l.
 MR. EDITOR :-Long days are coming upon us now step by step, as time in it's ceaseless course rolls on. and bachelor as am, feel quite at loss how to spend my time.
 am not willing to close my eyes, and, like Sancho Panza, bless the man who first in- vented sleep" Although firmly agree with Solomon, when he says there is time for verything-sleep included. What hard fate we bachelors have to put up with to be snre-- no incarnate angels to while away the weary moments as we are waited nolens volens down the tide of time-no C cricket on the hearth " to beguile with it's sweet chirping the early hours of night. which is too often devoted to the sweet embraces of Morpheus-what can we do? We tire of reading; we have no wife to quarrel with We are most of us too much like a cat in the humps, or like cream in an anticipated state of existence, to attempt to entertain one with the egotistic remarks suggested by the contracted state of the spot which human physiologists designate the heart and not sufficiently condescending to scatter the bright germs of finely developed SENSE among our fellow men, deluded though they be by the attractions of women-what is left for us to do? I believe I will make a bold and final sortie, and attempt to break the ice which is fast forming over the devoted heads of all bachelors, and will launch forth (not like love, which launched fairy bark) but by the good old fashioned way. Like the Irishman "I will sthrike light" " that they may follow. I hope to set off in craft sub stantia enough to bear good head light, and to carry me safe through the rocks and shoals of the rude world. If bachelors were to give vent to their feelings in life, it would no doubt save a great amount of blood-letting- self suicide, etc., etc.
 I have not far from me, very intimate friend, who is so confirmed an old bachelor, that he has a great distaste for hoops, simply, he says, because he does not know, but that they, like badly managed balloon, will ex- pIode-how ridiculous His opinions have so incensed the female population against him that they are anxious to obtain his services ln going into a speculation; they propose mak- ing vinegar from water. From the earliest ages such mode of obtaining such an article has never been practiced, and l am fearful that it will not succeed in the present in- stance Now to prove it, you know very well that two negatives make an affirmative. Put the bachelor by the water, (the water being opposed to bachelors in general and therefore negative, and the bachelor to be independant certainly opposed to the water) the two nega- tives will compromise by the bachelor allow ing the water to stay water, and the water al lowing the bachelor to remain bachelor. Thus you see the bachelor will be henlmed in, provided the ladies are about and like any other calf, being penned, will pitch in.
 Thus you see, Mr. Editor: Bachelors are not impregnable as many may suppose--in other words you can teaze what is in them out, if you corner them.
 We have already entered too largely upon a subject deserving of so little attention, but the further we progress the larger the field we find open to us. Were we to particularize we are afraid that among some of them we would ma nuts WHICH IL Wouiu tdke tilc JdHs of Cyclops to crack.
 Leap year, though, has arrived and we hope to find ere it's close, that some fair maids have relieved one or more of our fellow sufferers from their embarrassing situation. Should any antiquated maiden lady, or more prefera- ble, a young one, desire to have any choice, she can certainly be suited if she will take a trip to Wattensaw, and watch them stunning themselves every fair day in the corners oi the fences; or behind the house dying their hair and whiskers; or hid in the corn crib as some are addicted to doing, when lady heaves in sight.
 Do not for the world, MT. Editor, let any ol our fellow victims ever learn the name of tho Editor of the Hardscrabble papers; or hi days like the hairs of his head would be few and numbered. Yours facetiously,
 WATTENSAW. :.