The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-05-09
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
- True valor protects the feeble and
humbles the oppressor.

w hOiO oio 4'ORh osthO thO NOV
nail 7 On the head.
"Come out of the wet" as the shark
said when he swallowed the sailor.
- The boy who lost his balance, found
it shortly afterwards on the ground.
= The two neighbors who "fell out"
have got in again. Neither of them were
injured.
= Prayer is the key which unlocks the
blessing Of the day, and locks out the
dangers of the night.
, - No man can be provident of his
time who is not pruden: in the choice of
his company. Neither can woman.
= The violet grows low and covers it.
self with its tears, and of all flowers,
yields the sweetest fragrance. Such is
humility.
- A wag being asked the name Of the
inventor of butter stamps, replied, "It
was probably Cadmus, as he first bro't
letters into Greece.
- Aboy was asked what was meek
nessl He thought moment and then
said, Meekness gives smooth answers to
rough questions"
= What is stronger in death than in
life? An old, yellow-legged hen; if you
don't believe it, try to dissect one after
eating.
-" "What is whisky bringing?" in
quired large dealer in the article
" Bringing men to the gallows and wo-
men and children to want" was the reply.
When Socrates was asked why he
had built for himself so small house
"Small as it is" he replied, "I wish l
could fill it with friends"
= The worst form of ingratitude is to
refuse to accept a favor from the hands
of person on whom you have had the
pleasure of rendering one.
- A lady being asked to join Union
of the Daughters of Temperance" re-
piled, at is unnecessary, as / intend to
Join one of the sons, soon." Sensible la
dy, that.
"A Western rhymer says that he
writes only when an angel troubles the
fountain Of his soul. We don't know that
the fact of his souls being troubled gives
him the right to trouble the souls of 9th
er people.
- An Irishman who had jumped into
the water to save man from drowning,
on receiving a sixpence from the person as
a reward for his services, looked first at
the sixpence and then at him, and at last
exclaimed, "Well, I'm over paid for the
job"
:" Aunt" inquired a medical prodi-
gy of fifteen, fresh from lecture on sur
gerry, "what do you think the most diff
cult operation in surgery" "Don't
know, Charlie-what!" "Taking the
ja,c off a woman" answered the hopeful
youth.
- They have no old maids in Japan !;
when the girls don't get married volunta-
rily, the authorities hunt up husband,
and make them marry, willing or not will
ing. The Japanese know a thing or two,
if they have been walled in for four cen
turies.
The poorest are not unfrequently
the bappiest. A Sultan, who, as cure
for low spirit was directed by his physi-
clan to wear the shirt of tho happiest
man in his domains, selected gay and
reckless Irishman, but on stripping him
for his shirt, found he didn't wear one.
= We find the following among the
toasts offered at the late Printers Fcsti-
val, held in Cincinnati:
"The Printer-The main spring Of
the clock work of intelligence-the click
Of his type is portentous Of greater events
than is the ticking of clock which sig
nails The conflict of armies"
"The Editor and the Lawyer-The
Devil is satisfied with the copy of the
former, but requires the original of the
latter"
"The Ladics-Angels all-let us hope
the prevalence of this idea does not fur
nish an explanation of the fact that many
married men wish them in Heaven.
A MODEL WOMAN" Did you moi
say, Ellen, that Mr.. R---is poor"
:" Yes, he has only his profession"
"Will your uncle favor his suit"
"No; and | can expect nothing from
him."
"Then, Ellen, you will have to resigr
fashionable society"
matter-I shall see more Of Fred
You must give up expensive dress.
"Oh, Fred admires simplicity"
You cannot keep carriage"
"But we can have our delightful walks.
"You must take small house ant
furnish it plainly"
"Yes; for elegant furniture would b
out of place in cottage"
I "You will have TO cover your foo
with thin, plain carpets"