The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1860-07-12
THE PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser.
Married and single.

Sam Sticks new series Of papers are full
Of lively hits az life, much after the fashion
Of those which first woke the world up to the
realizing sense Of the Yankee cIockmaker's
merits IN that peculiar style which mingles
droilery with shrewd observation, and philo-
soPhy with fun. Here, for example, Is a
sharp hit:
My sister Urania was as splendid Z crit
tel as you ever see, at eighteen or twenty, a
real coEn-fsi, hearty looking girl. Well, she
was uacommon dainty, and plaguy hard to
please, and she hirted mere. and lifted there,
until sne kinder overstood her market. 4
rose doa't last forever, that's a fact. 1t Is
lovely when il the bud, or expandin', or in
bloom. or even full blown; but there Is a
time for perfection and decay, that can't be
postponed nc now you can fix il the color
will fade, or wash out in the summer show
ers, and then il droops with the weight Of its
own beauty. and the wind will deprive il.
from time 70 time, of a leaf, TIL It's size and
proportion Is Gwindled Down to a mere anat-
omy If not plucked At the right time. it's
never gathered al all. There It hangs, pinin
on the parent stock, while younger and fresh
er, and more attractive ones are chosen BY
fellers TO put into their buzxums in preference
TO It, that IN It's day was far sweeter and
loyeIier than any of them. This was Just
the case with Rainy; she woke up one
s1~ CAAAAI 14AL AHC 41AALG- VI lCt
youngest niece and found she was an old
maid, and no mistake. Her vanity and ner
glass had been deceivin' her for ever so long.
without her knowing II, and maxim her BE-
lieve some false curls she wore looked so
natural no soul could tell they weren't her
own; that the little artificial color she gave
10 her cheek with a camel's hair brush. was
more delicate and more lovely than the glow
OF youth, and that the dentist had improved
Well, TO my mind, looking glasses are the
greatest enemies ladies have; they ought all
20 be broken to everlastin' smash. II isn't that
they are false, for they amt; they will reflect
the truth If they are allowed. But, unforu-
nately, truth never looks into them. When /
a woman consults her glass, she wishes to be
pleased, she wants TO be f1attered, and TO be
put on good terms with herself, so she treats
IT as she would her lover, she goes up to il
all smiles, looking as amiable and as beauti-
full as she can. She assumes the most win
ming air she gazes at the image with all the
affection she can cali up; and her lips appear
all a woman could wish, or a man cOvet.
Well, in course the mirror gives hack that
false face TO Its owner, as 1t receives 1t 1t
amt fair, therefore, TO blame il for being un-
faithful but as ladies' can't use 1t without
deceIvin' of themselves, WHY total abstinence
from II would be better. Now, people NAV
deceive themselves II they have a mind. but
they can't go On forever. Time will tell
taas- Whatever year a gal IS born in. she
has contemporaries when she looks at them
and sees that they are ageing, or the worst
for wear, she tries TO recall the days of her
youth, and finds that they are lost IL the dis
lance, and When she sees her schoolfeilows
and playmates married and parents them
selves, all the glasses in the world fail. at last. |
70 make her believe she Is still young.
Well, the marriage of her niece startled
Urania, as a shadow does a skirtish horse. 7
She left the deep waters where the big fish {
sport themselves, and threw her line into the
shallow eddies where the minnows are, and
she hooked little Tim Dooly, a tommy cod
Of a fellow, that was only ft FOR a bait for 7
something bigger and better. 1t was impos-
sible to look at the critrer without laughing. v
Poor thing, it was hard work 20 fetch her
up to the scratch az last; IT actiily took three =
and SIX bridesmaids 10 marry her. q
She felt she had n losin' voyage in life, but a
he was clear grit, j: didn't humble her one y
mite or moSsel, 1t only made her more s>ornv Al
han ever, as If she defed all the world, and -
all 1t could say | could see a mo- |
ION IN her throat now and then, az If she bit j
n her breath and swallowed her pride down.
She actilly held her head so high, when the
said to Dooly, salute your bride"
hat the critter looked up in despair, for he ,
ouldn't reach her lips. Sais /, out of divil- |
ry, Stand on a chair, Tim" Lord !! if
-ou had seen her eyes, how they flashed fire
{ me, II would have astonished you, | know.
ige hadn't quenched that, at any rate. To
revent folks from noticing how understood
e was, she Just bent down forward and
Used him. Thinks | to myself, d" old fellow.
on have had all the condescension YOU will
yer &c; out OF her. She has stopped to
lary you, and then stopped for you to salute
er, attef this, look out for squalls, for there
a tempestical time afore you" And so it
Imed out; he soon learned what it was to
We IN a house where the hen crows.
Rainy" says | to her one day-she had
zen givin' him a blowen up, and was send
lg him oil on some GRAND or another flor
he treated him, poor wretch, as if he had
zen the sole cause of her disappointments.
stead OF a plaster to heel them)-' Rainy"
lys |, IL always told you you carried too
If an upper lip, and that YOU would have to
Ike a crooked stick at last" We'll" sails
lie, "Eph, he amt the tallest and richest
usband IN the world, but he is a poarertuz
letter than none ,"
SAM hooks LUcY's GowS-WeIL. inst as
was ready to start away, down comes Lucy
the "kcepin' room" with arms behind her
lad a hxIn' of the hooks and eyes. Man
i've" sails she, "are you here yeti thought
1u were off quinn an hour ago; who'd a
you were here p
"Gunin'?" sails I, Lucy, my quinn s
Ter; | shan't 90 no more now. | shall 20
l agree with you; shiverin' alone
a wet bush for hours is no fun; but If
ucy was there"
Get out, says she, don't talk nonsense.
am, and Just fastin the other hook and eve
nv frock, will Won 2"