Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-01-27
J Advertisers for a wife,
A PRETTY sKITCH.

ssA'AA~AAJ 80
contrary in my case.
Twenty one years ago I was sitting
by my Preside, totting up innunerable
pages of my bachelors housekeeping
book, taking exercises in arithmetic on
long columns of "petty cash, compri-
sing items for carrots and bath bricks,
metal tacks and mutton chops-until
tired and wearied, I arrived at the sum
total, and jerked the book on the man
tel piece. Nearly at the same time |
placed my hand in the pocket of my
dressing gown, drew out leather case,
and lit princi, placed my feet on
the fender and sighed, exhausted by my
long job Of domestic accounts. I was
then in business-'twas small whole
sale business then, but tits a large one
now yet enc mornings totting of
carrots and bath-bricks, of metal tacks
and mutton chops, would tire me a
thousand times more than twenty-four
hours Of honest ledger work. sighed,
not from,loye, but from labor for, to
tell you the truth, I have never been
lost in love. Is this to 60 on forever
thought I, as Itook my third Whit, and
looked dreamily through the thin
smoke as it assembled between me and a
large print Of the capture Of Gibraltar,
which hung over the chimney piece. Am
I to spend my prime in totting up pars-
nips, and computing carrots, and comp
trolling washing bills =? 1 sighed again,
and in the act of few the button Of my
neck band, as though some superior
power had seasonably sent the accident
to remind me of my helplessness.
The button settled the business
though, as it slipped down inside my
shirt and passed with its mother-o'-
pearl GOODNESS over my heart, it for a
moment threatened to chill my matri-
monial resolution. I pitied my own
lonely state, and pity We know is akin
to love. But how was the matter to be
accomplished Most men Of my age
would already have adjusted their in
clination to some object so that hav
ing made up their mind and counted
the cost, little more would have remain
ed to be done than to decide upon the
day, and lay hold upon the license.
This, however, was not the case with
me. I had been too much occupied, toe
idle, or too indolent to devote the time
to make the effort to 'sform an attach.
ment." It was through no disinclina-
ton or difficulty to be pleased for had
any young lady of moderately agreea-
BILE powers taken the trouble, she might
have married me long ere then. 1 should
even have been grateful to her for ia
king the trouble off my hands; but
was to bashful too adopt the initiative
was bashful man. This weak
ness came from the same cause as my
uncle Toby's-namely, a want of &C.
quaintance with female society, which
want arose fl ON another cause in my
case-namely, too close an application
to business. k..H..
Accordingly, thought Of an adver-
tisement yet with no practical design
Of doing business, but, as 1 persuaded
myself, for a joke. So I scratched witt
a pencil on the back of letter the
following:
WANTED-A WIFE.-None but prin.
ciples need apply. The advertiser does
not require cash, but only companion
He is six and twenty, and, tired Of
single, he thinks he can settle down te
married life. As men 60 he believes
he has moderate share Of temper, ano
want Of time is the only reason for hay
ing recourse to newspapers. He has
enough means for himself and second
party, is willing to treat at once. He
Is quite aware that a great many at
tempts to convert his honest intentions
into an extravagant joke will be made,
but he warns all rash intruders. If he
finds man hardy enough to make
sport Of his affections, he will thrash
him-lf woman, he will forgive her.
He has heart for the sincere, horse
whip for the impertinent. In either
case all applications will be promptly
attended to, if addressed to P. P, to
the Office Of this paper.
I felt proud Of my composition, and
pulled away my prlnci with a vague
glee and anticipation Of something
coming out Of it. I had no very great
idea that anything but fun would re-
suit and | certainly had not the
slightest collision with any one. Still
the presentiment that it was not des-
tined to be all barren joke pressed
upon me. On Saturday the advertise
ment appeared, and I heard its style
canyassed by all my friends, and it was
jokingly suggested by more than one
that | was the domestically destitute in
dividual who put it forth. ...
On Monday morning sent boy to
the newspaper office for P. Prs letters.
I expected he might be followed BY
some curious ana lnquls1tIve person; so
l told him on his way back to call at a
bachelor neighbours Of mine for book.
The trick told. The lad was followed
by some persons who never lost sight
Of him until they ran him to my
friends, and then went back and an
nounced that he was the advertiser. I
thus discharged in full one or two prac-
ticle jokes which my neighbor had play
ed upon me. The answers were Of the
usual character - several seeking to
elicit my name, and sill more sug-
costing places of meeting, where I was
told to exhibit myself with a flower in
my button hole and white handker-
chief in my hand. One looked like
business: 1t was from lady, who
proposed an interview in neighboring
oifu about 4ontr,