The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-12-05
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
: Birch rods after all, make the best

= The least insect can worry til
strongest man.
= A diseased imagination makes
volcano of little bonfire on the mour
tain.
The wasp attacks the ripest fruit
so will slander attempt 10 wound tn
most honest fame.
= Vice has long team of followers
She promiseth large rewards but they ar,
bitter disappointments.
= 1t is an old proverb that "boys will
be boys What pity it isn't equally
true that men will be men.
= Simplicity of manner, as of dress,
is acharm that woman generally admires
in another more than in herself.
81 feel" said an old lady, athat
I've got about through with this world.
| shant enjoy much more trouble"
= Adversely ties man to stake like
bear, and the happiness of a fellow
consists in tormenting him with sticks.
- In Connecticut firm is now man.
ufacturing wooden slates,for schools which
are much superior TO the stone states now
in general use.
= Swinging is said by the doctors to
be good exercise for the health, but
many poor wretch has como TO his death
by swinging.
: A western editor upon whom the
census taker had called, accosted the Of
ficial the next day and requested him TO
add a ten pound citizen to his list.
= Pure love is the sunshine which
steals slowly and silently up to the barren
bill of life, and stays to bless us with its
presence through all lifes weary way.
: The following notice may be seen
on blackslnith's shop in Essex: "No
horses shod on Sunday except sickness
and DEATH"
Some dirty water left by the Prince
If Wales in basin in his apartments at
Quebec, was bottled and sold at four shil-
ings a vial TO some o: his todying admi-
ers.
"Smoothbore, will you have some
If the butteri'
"Ihank you, madam; belong to
temperance society, and can't take anv-
hing strong"
An editor in the western part of
ilchlgan, is in fix. He dunned sub
criber for his subscription, he refused to
ay, and threatened to fog the editor if
C stopped his paper.
= A man died. of apoplcxy the other
ay. The next day the coroner held an
lquest, when the following verdict was
,turned: "Died from visitation of one
eefsteak, eight cold potatoes, and fried
susages."
-"Do you keep matches 2" asked
Dung wag Of a retailer.
"Oh yes, all kinds, was the reply.
Well, then, I'll take trottinr
latch."
The retailer Immediately handed him
box of Brandreth's pills.
= " What do you call this 2" said
ones, tapping his breakfast lightly with {
is fork.
Call !" snarled the landlord. "wbat
D you call itp "Well, really" said {
'nes, 81 don't know, il hasn't quite hair I
lough in it for plaster, but there's too {
uch in it for hash." Il
- An eastern exchange saws in town J
Michigan, three boys were lately i'm /,
.isoned, charged with stealing, one of :
HON was negro boy. On the day
ter the boys were put in confinement,
G father of the colored boy called to see
recreant son, and thus addressed him: d
" Haven't whipped you, talked to Il
~, aud told you that if you associated
th these blamed little white cusses YOU a
ID bring up hcre!" T
"Why is it my son, that whom you !,
op your bread and butter it is always y
Q buttered side downr' y
al don't know, it hadn't orter, had il ? - -
le strongest side orter be up, and this r +
the strongest butter ever seen." "
" Hush, it's some Of your aunts churn-
2" :.
I" Did she churn it? the great lazy :, :.
ing" 6, G.
+" What, your aunt" ~ ~
" No, this here butter. To make that r, II
or woman churn it, when it is strong N
ough to churn ITSELF" ~ ~
" Hush, Zeb, I've cat n great deal ~
rise in the most aristocratic houses" Z.
" Well, people of rank ought to cat it,"
:" You varmint you! what makes you
k so smart 2" n
g Cause the butter has taken the skin in
my tongue MOTHER" IN
" Zeb, don't lie! / can't throw away h,
, butter"
" III tell You, ma, what TO do with it.
ep it 10 draw blisters. You ought to di
the flies keel over as soon as they B
ch it," IN