The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-11-14
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= One hour to-day is worth two to-

= =
Mischief.
- What Miss will ruin any man p
Mis-management. rte
=" Never saw such string times as
the spoon said to the saucepan.
= Vanity Fair has found new name
for Cincinnati-Ham-burg.
-" III be with you in crack" as
tho rife-ball said to the target.
- Theory may be all very well, but
young doctors and lawyers prefer practice.
- What piece Of carpentry becomes
gem as soon as it is finished Agate.
= The Earl of Kingston, a Iunatic
nobleman, lately walked through London,
undressed.
- With the exception Of Queen Is
abela of Spain, no Bourbon now reigns
in Europe.
- A young lady captured a beaver
lately, and also the man who was carry
ing it about on his head.
b. = The worst way of pitching into n
fellow, and making him feel like a goose,
is TO tar and feather him.
= What is that although only four
inches broad and three inches deep, yet
contains solid foot? A shoe.
-"Thats part of the sinking fund.-"
rs chap said when box of money
went to the bottom of the river.
ABE Jabers," SAYS Pat, "the divil
a show has the man who waits till he is
kilt before he acts on the defncive."
= The unfortunate youth who drown
ed himself in food of slender recollec-
tions," is said to be slowly recovering.
A chap who went to California poor,
and subsequently became very rich, is now
so extravagant that he skates on ice
cream.
-"I am thy fathers spirit" as the
bottle said TO the little boy when he found
it hidden in the wood pile, and wondered
what it was.
- On q sailors grave-stonc, in the
Brooklyn navy-yard, are the following
words: "Nobly he did his duty below,
and now he has gone alof."
81 do declare, Lib, you're pretty
enough to eat" "Wcll, dear Charles,
amt eating as fast as l can," replied
Lib, with her mouth full.
-"Ma, get down on your hands and
knees minute, please" "What on
earth shall do that for, petl" "Cause
l want TO draw an elephant"
- An Irishman being asked in conrt
for his certificate Of marriage, showed
big scar on his head about the shape of
a shovel, which was satisfactory.
- An Independent man is said to be
one who can live without whiskey and To-
bacco and can shave himself with brown
soap and cold water without mirror.
- AT a printers festival the following
toast was given: "The editor and law
yer-the devil is satisfied with the copy
of the former, but requires the original Of
the latter"
=" Bridget, where's the gridiron ~
" An sure, ma'am, Is just after giving it
to me sisters own cousin, Bridget O'Flab-
erny; the things so full of. holes it's no
good at ALL"
-" Honesty is the best policy" said
a man to another, who had narrowly es-
capped hanging for robbery. 81 know it,"
said the other, "for have tried both sides
of the question"
"A Yankee Dragging of having kill
ed young panther whose tail was 'three
feet long, Brown observed that the ami
NAL died seasonably, as the tail was long
enough not ITO be continued"
-" Tommy, my son, run TO the store
and get me some sugar" Excuse me,
ma; | am some what indisposed this
morning. Send father, and tell him to
bring me plug of tobacco
- A sleepy churchwarden, who some
times engaged in popular games, hearing
the minister use the words, shuttle of
this mortal COIL" started up rubbed his
eyes, and exclaimed, "Stop, stopl It's
my deal"
- Sheridan beautifully said "Wo-
men govern us, let us render them per-
feet; the more they are enlightened, so
much more shall we be. On the cultiva-
tion Of the mind of women depends the
wisdom Of men. 1t is by women that
Nature waits on the hearts OF men,"
Spa, didn't you whip me for biting
Tommy9" "Yes, my child, Cor you burt
him very much. Well, then, pa, you
ought TO whip mas music teacher too,
for he, bit ma yesterday right in her
mouth, and know it hurt her because
she nut her arm around bis neck and tried