New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1860-03-05
A HAIR BREADTH ESCAPE.
BY HENRY r. LELAND.

BY HENRY 7. LELAND.
\ &as
From the Philadelphia Evening Buetn.l
Fordsan lives, breathes, moves. and has bis beint
man atmosphere of jokes; no melancholy air-pHmf
has ever yet been able to exhaust it; through pan
les and financial crises, when all around was very
blue, ne has raced on sen.pe5 fidens--and lonl
Such men invariably have humorous adventures
because they look out for them, and note then
when found. Fordsan's last arose from freshi,
landed lrishnan, the color Of the Green Isle still
IN bloom on him. whom he picked up one day ius
off ship, and at once appointed him stable.boy
from which office he in time came to be coachman
Every blnnder in his novitate was amply paid 10,
BY such sallies OF wit, that Fordsan declared he
wouldn't exchange him for his weight in oats
drap Of the craythnr'" Even this fault Fordsan
hoped to cure in time--not in $50, you know-and
so kept Pat for his wits sake.
Once. on the occasion of a acknowledgements.
making known as wake, Pat came home 80 sadly
overcome that Fordsan's patience nearly gave
out, and he reflected over various ways and means
to effect cure; to commence, he went ont to the
stable the morning after Pats jollification and
when he knew be would find him in penitentiaI
mood, Tor penitentiary, which is it y and read him
lecture. subject, Disadvantages of Intoxica
tom He began:
Pat, this won't do at all. You know that whisky
steals away your brains2"
Shure sir, 7 interrupted Pat tthat isn't all it
stales, at ALL at all.'
What else n inquired Fordsan, a5
g Hapes OF money, hapes; and it makes the
widows fathefliss, and the orfns tight, tight as
bazes. Och, shure, it's heart. broken / am this
morning and yer honor iyir so gintale and dacint
wild me. Daytarmined as viz are this blessid mint
to forgit and forgive"
Forgive n said Fordsan, and such chance to
pun! Forgive I'm for giving you a ticket of
leave
Lave to stay wild viz all yer blessid days.
That's the kind Of lave that nobil.hearted gntel-
man like yersilf is going to give: and, shure. jist
look at the horss; did iyir anybody see the likes !?
Their hides shine like lookn glasses along wild all
the elbo-grase poor Pat has put on EN-. And the
trotting Vaughn! Agus dean h,ocdire air do ct.ea.
tutr. dgas ornlsd raoY.pheacdcht ~
Say it again." spoke Fordsan. "Thats the
talk, over with it, Agnas Dean
Agus dean hocai,e ali, do cl,edtRi'-'' rolled
out Pat
Saved this time, Pat, can't hear Homer un-
moved
Phase yer honor, who's Homarsn
Greek, Pat, Creek And now don't get tight
again; once more, and you will have to travel in
spite of the odd see in YOU
a month passed away, and Pat kept as sober as
judge, P. B., that is Prior TO Bacchus But I'M.
fortunately, at the end Of this time, brother ar.
rived from the ould country and in discussion
relating to the merits Of Mountain Dew compared
with Old Monongahela, reference was made to
arms, or rather to what they hold Jugs stopped
with corn-cobs, and Pat fell gallantlY contendinr
VIII Hti Sai.DH Ol Hp-FlfeT WHISKY. IhS time
Fordsan made out d check in full for balance Of
wages due Pat O'Bran, with the intention of dis
charging his coachnan at once. The check signed
he looked over the mornings paper; suddenly his
eyes heamed with fun as he read over long adj
yertsement; something very brilliant was revealed
to him. He laid down the paper, went to closet
found an empty pint-champagne bottle, and from
q demjohn nearly filed it with whisky, put in
pinch or two OF salt, some red pepper, poured in
little vinegar and filed up with rose-water giving
the miytUra finally n flOrnuOh hal Tai.
up his overcoat, Fordsan made series OF expert
ments with the bottle and the depths Of the peck
cts at last finding out that if the bottle were placed
in the breast pocket, enough of the neck could be
seen to be appreciated by a man who wasvery dry
IN the morning, from having :" wet upn too much
the night before Going out to the stable, he gave
Fat some orders, and saying that he would be back
IN an hour, hung up his overcoat on peg in such
wise that the neck Of the bottle CLEANED in Pats
eyes The next step for Fordsan was to call on his
neighborr. q young physician, and after some time
spent with him and making sundry explanations re-
atye to Pat, they both returned to Fordsan's
stable. Entering the door, the young doctor saw
Pat rubbing down bay mare.
How's she getting on Patty
On her fade agin, dochter. As fine as silk
strong as lion, and make as a lamb. Shure, she's
he basic of the wurrld for fast little divil as she
Fordsan had meanwhile taken tonr of inspec.
ion around the oyercoat, and noticed q suspicious
moisture about the neck of the bottle, and a bead
% the cloth Of the coat. He winked at the Doctor
Who at once commenced conversation with
aordsan-
oh, by the way, Fordsan, have you tried that
prescription gave you the other day?"
The one for restoring the hair2 Yes, had it
,ut up by Gibbs day before yesterday, but ] don't
mink he put sufficient kithisnads in it, although
nut it on night before last can't see that my hair
las grown more than an inch since.n
g fou must have more oinobares in it, that's |
THAT works the head and makes the hair grow. If |
he prescription is rightly put up, it works like |
harm"
Well, Doctor just try and see if there Is enough
in it. It's hanging up in nv oyercoat |
reast-pocket there. Yes that's it, The Doctor /
ook it out and smelled it.
" Taste it, said FOrdsan.
mot |! . replied the Doctor. zone drop of that |
n the endof your tongue would cover il with hair?
don't think | shall soon forget case had last
inter arising from its accidental use as a beye-
age y
aThat is, somebody drank some,n spoke Ford.
an, chow did it worklu
While he spoke, Fordsan from time to time
.atched Pats face, which began to wear a curious
Expression.
ldy; after using it she imprudently left it ON her
ressing table, and the chambermaid finding it
lere, being addicted to drinking liquor thought it
as some kind of perfumed whisky, and drank
early wine.glass full of it. Poor thing; but an
our or two after she drank it, fine fur began grow
g all over her tongue, then on the larnyx, then
lie espohagus become coated, and had not fortu-
atey been called in to give remedy, can't tell
gu where it would nave endedn Pat during this
scourse, had rubbed the bay mare into state of
oish like patent-leather boot; it seemed to be
ard work, for great beads of perspiration stood
n his forehead, and his eyes now and then rolled
wards the Doctor like a frightened hare. Some
ling evidently moved him.
The only thing to stop it is aqua pitnlpi or ac-
ording to more modern practice aqua h1dTantis
which the formula is Fl U. But the great secret
to take it at ONCE Here Pat gave fear
il groan. cit is frightful to think that the power
this hair tonic may change man into brute,
nd if taken inwardly, cause him to break out all
yer in long hair like bear. That poor chamber
aid, quickly as she took the antidote, only three
ours after she drank the restorer still allowed it
SO far permeate her system that her arms look
earish when she rolls up her sleeves. 1t is liable
10, in spite Of the aqua hydrdntis, to burst out
gain after any severe indulgence in spirituous IL
lors, such as Monongahela--.'
% Dochter, shure and i faleemghtY onWall the
awrnin',n broke in Pat with half howl
20 Why Pat, what on earth can be the matter with
ou2n asked the Doctor.
Sure enough added Fordsan, "you look as
sarty as buck
"a buck! Oh shure may be bear? Oh Doch-
r, PLACE look down my throat, it fales sore the
awrnin'.a The Doctor opened Pats jaws wide,
oked down his throat, and then started back with
orror depicted in his face.
"Do my eyes deceive me ~ he hurriedly asked
Fordsan. Look, ok-down-his-thr =,
bus appealed to, Fordsan jumped forward, and.
1ening Pats capacious mouth, gave hasty
ance and shouted,
!" Furred all over by --in
2" Och honet Uhic De- Dhin 40 f,,ipoeaob J |