Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1860-04-17
Scene In the Life of a Snowman.
BY ARTEMUS WARD.

Snowman meats with strange sites He
sees human natur as she are unmased and
without no close on, and he must be stoopider
nor ded hOss if he duzzent stock his Branes
with several kinds Of nollege
The undersined won't BOste. I 90 in for the
fast salin, snughuilt & full made skeuner United
States, which runs herself she does & on whose
ueX man Is as good as another man, fire.
4uently more so, if he conducks himself strate.
To use Shakspeerian Erase, Ime native & to
the mannere born don't want to put on airs
simply because I've met with great sucksess in
the show profeshun (Which I've been in goin on
Y years. My murthy projennytors was unable
to give me cuSsycal eddycashun, d all nose
picked up
"As 1 sailed, as sailed,''
so kwotc from Capt. r. Kidd, the sellerbrated
pirat, But, thank Heven, my sire & stress gave
me good name, pint with feelins of pride
pleshure to the fact that nun of our family
was ever in Congress, or on the New York per-
lice, or Arms house Guvner.
The ensooin scene in my cheeckered career is
respectfully submitted:
wIMIN'S RITES.
pitcht my tent in small town in Inianny
one day last season, & while was standing at
the door takin mony deppitashun of ladies
came up and sed they was mem bers of the Bum
cumville Female Moral Reform & Wimin' s
Rites Associashun, and they axed me if the 4
Good go in without paying
L, H.
out goin in
''Do you know who we air2" said one of the
wlmln, tall Il feroshus looking crittur with a
blew cotton umbrella under her arm-'sdo you
know who we air, SURF"
My impreshun is" sed I, ''from kursery
view, that you air females"
'We air. sur, sed the ferushus woman; s'we
belong to SOsiety which bleeyes wimin has
rltes-which bleeves in raisin her to her prop r
speer-which bleeves she is endowed with as
much lntelluck as aman is-whitch bleeyes she
is tramplid on abOosed-and whitch will re-
sist hens4th d lever the encroachment of proud
and dOmineerin man"
Durin her discOurs the xcentric female grabd
me by the coat kollar, d was swinging her um
brellar wildly over my he'd
II hope, marm," sez I, startin' back "tha.
your intenshuns is honorable. line lone man
here IN strange place. besides, I've wife
to hum.'
Yes cride the female, '& she's slave .
Doth she never dream of freedom? Doth she
never think of THROWN off the yoke of tyranny
4 thinkin speakin & vOtin for herself! Doth
she never think of these here things?'
=" Not being natrul- born fool,'' sed I, by
this time little riled, Il kin safely say that
she doth NOT
"Oh, whot." screamed the female, swinging
her umbreller In the air, ''Oh whot is the price
that woman pays for her experience 2"
don't know, marm," sez l, ''the price to
my Show is Is cents per individooul"
"6 can't our Society 60 in free ?" asked the
female.
mot if know it, sed 1.
"Crooil, crOoil mani she cried, and burst
into tears
Wont you let my darter in?" said another
OF the excentric wimin, takin' me afeckshuntly
by the hand. "Oh, pleas let my darter in
shees sweet, gushin' child of nature"
Let her gush !" roared I, as mad as Good
stick at their tarnal nonsense; "let her gush ,''
WhereupOn they all sprung back with the
simultaneous observation that was a beest.
my female friends" sed I, "be4 YOU leeve
I've few remarks to max; way them we'll.
The female woomen is l of the greatest insti-
tooshuns of witch this land kin bOste Its ON
possible to git along without her. Had there
been no female wimin in the world. shood
scarcely be here with my unparalleled show on
this auspishus occasion. She is good in sick
ness-good in wellness-good all the time.
oh, woman, woman I cried, my feelins
wurked up to high poetick pitch, you are an
angil when You behave yourself, but when you
take off your proper APPAREL Il (mettyforically
speaking git into pantyloons-when you desart
your iresides, d with your heds full of wimins
rites nOshuns 60 round like roarin lyons seekin
whom you may devour somebody-in short
where you undertake to play the man you play
the devil, air an emphatic noosance. My
female friends" continued, as they were in
dignantly departin, ''way well what A. Ward
has sed."