The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1860-02-21
FAMILY PARTIES,

In his last series of papers, Judge Halliburton
kills, with one column, two birds with one stone.
| He has taken the cynical aphorsm: Go to your
friends for advice, to strangers for money, aud to
your relatives for nothing, and dove tailed it into
a severe but terrible exact frame work of family
party; thing VIII CHI we all unfortunately know to
be the sublimest Of all social bores :
Of all the uncomfortable things in this world
assembly of brothers and sisters, and uncles and
| imps Of children, is the worst They snarl like
the deuce; some is little better off than others,
and some how that has tendency to raise the
chin, and makes the upper lip stiff. is little
worse off, and then, like soil that is out and
poor, up springs the worst weed lnthe world-s"me
call it envy, and some jealousy, but call it deU'l
aceed. Then, some are pets OF the old folks, and
when they take it into them, the others wink and
nod at each other, as much to say, "Do you see
hot?-that's the way Tom got the yoke of oxen
last fall and Polly the sidesaddle hoss" And
then every ones child is handsomer or bigger
than the others baby, and it's hardly possible to
award the prize the one that cries and scratches
| the most. Save me from family parties! nothen
in nature equals them. Give the meetin
where nobody snap of finger for nobody
in particular, and has no interest but in good
feed a good song, a good smoke, and chan-ghtning
| to top it off with.
| never but good family in my life, or
one in which all was pleased, and all kissed and
shook hands together 1t was arter the readen at
old DIR. Tites funeral. He was my uncle, so [
attended out Of curiosity, to see what my mother
to get, though we all knew pretty we'll, for he
had often said he would divide even among his
children. But he cut up better nor anybody
could have guessed; he was hundred thousand
dollars richer than he was valued at, and that he
divided like the rest, share and share alike among
his children, with some few little requests He
gave my brother Pete his gold watch and he left
NE his blessing; and do you know, [ offered to
swap that with Pete for his watch, but the mean
stingy crittur refused, onless | gave hundred
dollars to boot, which was more than the turnp
was worth. lost my bequest by giving my uncle
lip one day. l told him he was lite by name
and tight by nature, 50 [ didn't expect nothen,
not and was disappointed Oh, but didn't the rest
all sing his praises and then sing their praises
wern't they happy that's all. We got into the
cellar, got at his No l cider, his old pineapple
rum, his port that was in earthly, spider-webby
dirty old bottles, you'd have thought it was dug
out of the grave of Lisbon, when the earthquake
filled it all ola sudden old Madeira bottled afore
the revolution, and old Sherry, that tasted nice
nasty of the goat-skins it fetched to market in
and then put into masnums. Creation what
thanksgiving day we made of it. We cracked
jokes, kissed our pretty cousins, told old stories
and invented new ones. That was happy day,
tell you aud the only happy family party ever
witnessed.
But mind you it only lasted one day. The next
mornin the plate to be divided, and aunt's
trinkets, beads, corals and pearls, bracelets and
necklaces, diamond earrings, and what not. So,
arter breakfast they exhibited on the table.
Then came the scrabble. Lord ! the women were
caution to hungry dogs with whelps The way
they grabbed, and screamed aud yelled, and talk
ed, all at once, was astonishing. Mother sit
tin in the corner crying her heart out. Sas she,
Il prove, Tite gave me that beautiful silver
tea-urn, but don't claim it; [ only want to have
it as my lot for | have particular regard for it,
"I'll get it for you,' sails l. So walks up to the
table where they all talkin at the top eend of
their voices, and let off the Indian warwhoop in
grand style. First they all shrieked, and then for
minute there was silence; and sails I: "Mother is
it this old tea-urn you wanted?' eyes" sails she;
'it is. " Then here it is, sails I; ''as the eldest,
you have the first choice" She got it and walked
off with it, leaving all the rest hard at it, The
division Of them personal articles made enemies Of
all the family ever after?
No. none ofyour family parties for me? Relations,
at best, poor friends, and commonly arc bitter
enemies. If you want nothing, 60 to them, and
you sure to get it; if you in want of any
assistance, go to stranger-triend you have made
fr yourscIf and that's the boy that has hand and
heart for you.
In the Legislature Of California resolutions in
sructiny her Senators in Congress to oppose d.
vision of the State were introduced and will prob
ably pass.