The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1860-01-19

VI tileSc toU are females
BsF- \ gentleman, who spoke of having
been struck by a lady's beauty, was ad-
vised to kiss the rod
m- 'What are you leaning over that
empty cask for ?" '.Pm mourning for
departed Spirits was the reply.
G~ \ young lady, when told to exer-
else for her health, said she would jump
at an offer and run her own risk
VA There are many who say more than
the truth on some occasions, and balance
The account with less on other.
MS If you want a sinking fund, throw
your money iuto the river, or invest it in
lottery tickets.
Bsa- The wrath of an offended man
must be up to blood-heat when he seeks
the life OF an offender
p@- "Joe, did you ever dabble in
stocks 2"
"Why, yes, got my boot in 'em once;
L didn't like them much ~
BE- There is man in Cincinnati in
possession of powerful memory. He is
employed by The Humane Society to re-
member the poor.
BE- a Londoner having asked broth
er cocLney, the other day, chow he liked
'Ail Columbia, said he wouldn't give a
glass Of 'alf;.nd-' 'af for hogshead of it.
Ass~ The police of New York comprises
no less than 1874 men, and their pay roll
amounts to $4,000 per month. This is
paying pretty dearly for bad government
Nea- \ pike's Peaher says>he miners
al that region are very much cAudiscouraged
they lave 10 dig throaS solid vein
Of silver four feet thick before they reach
the gold
psA- Why was there panic in the ear
ly days of Moses?
Because there were rushes upon the
banks, and Pharaoh's daughter withdrew
4 valuable deposit.
esa- a man should never pat fence of
words around his ideas, because many who
would otherwise give him fair hearing,
lack resolution to climb over such rag
ged enclosure.
Da "Did you present your account to
The defendant" ?" inquired lawyer of his
client Il did, SIR" ''And what did he
say ?' HE told me to 90 the devil"-
"And what did you do then % "Why
then | came to YOU
R2y@ The Mayor Of Jacksonville lately
had boy before him as a witness in
suit. He was asked if he knew the ma
tllre of an oath. ayes, id WE'LL" was
the reply. lie was not sworn.
BA- \ smart young man visiting pris-
on, inquired of a small girl the cause of
her being IN prison. Her answer was,
chat she stole saw-mill, and went back
after the pond, when she was arrested"
nA- \ burglar was frightened out of
his scheme Of robbery by the sweet sim
plicity of a solitary spinster, who, putting
her night-capped head out of the window,
exclaimed, ''go away amt you ashamed?"
NA- "You're spelling yourself, and you
know it; and why will you drink so?.'
Drink . all great men drink You see
I'm building up myself character for a
great man, and I'm pudding for the foun-
dation ~
sS~ 1t is calculated the entire world of
smokers, chewers and snuffers consume
two millions of tons of tobacco annually,
or four thousand four hundred aud eighty
millions of pounds, occupyingin its growth
five and a half millions Of acres, and that
about one-fourth OF the human race are in
the habit Of using it.
nea- One Sabbath morning a distin-
guishcd military gentleman who was walk
ing on Boston Common, was reprimanded
by policeman because he suffered his
dog to enter the water. '.There," said
Dogberry, ':don't you see the sign-'dogs
not allowed in The water on Sundays p"
''Yes," responded the colonel, ''but that's
id illiierate dog-he can't read"
Ba~ 4 teacher of English grammer
down east, asked one of his pupils the case
of certain noun which he was attemp-
ting 10 parse. The scholar puzzled and
scratched his head Tor some time, and at
last, fetching long breath, he broke out
with-;'It's darned hard case, sir."
sS~ Now that hoops are going out of
fashion, what is 10 come in by way of sub
stiiute? Perhaps that "mere figure of
form,' Che bustle-of which some poet
has written
Artful device whose initiative pad
Into good figures rOundeth off the bad,
Whether of simple saw-lust thou art seen,
Or k'st the guise of costlier crinoline
/ How oft to thee the female form doth owe
! \ grace rotund, line of ampler flow,
n 4. ! / Il l.. l.