Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1860-05-11
Dining in Haste Mt n Railway Hotel.

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The following is from the last Of the I'm
commercial Traveller papers of Charles Dick
ems:
"You are going off by railway, from any
terminus You have twenty minutes for din
ner before you go. You want your dinner,
and, like DR.. johnson, sir, you like to dine.
You present to your mind picture OF the
refreshment table at that terminus. The con-
ventional, shabby, evening hearty supper
accepted as the model for all termini and all
refreshment stations, because it is the last
repast known to this state of existence of
which any human creature would partake
but in the direct extremity--sickens, your
contemplation, and your words are these; VI
connot dine on stale sponge cakes that turn
to sand in the mouth. | can not dine on
shining brown patties, composed of unknown
animals within, and Offering to my view the
device of indigestible star fish in leaden pie
crust without | can not dine on a sandwich
that has long been pining under an exhausted
receiver. l can not dine on barley sugar.
l can not dine on coffee" You repair TO the
nearest hotel, and arrive, agitated, in the cof-
fee room.
'Tt is a most astonishing fact that the
waiter is very cold to you. Account for it
how you may, smooth il over how you will
YOU can moi. deny that he is cold to you. He is
not glad to see YOU he does not want you,
he would much rather you hadn't come. He
opposes to your flushed condition an immov-
able composure. AS if this We're not enough,
another waiter, born, itwould seem, expressly
to look at you in this passage OF your life,
stands at distance, with his napkin under
his arm and his hands folded, looking at you
with all his might, You, impress on your
waiter that you have ten minutes for dinner,
and he proposes that you shall begin with a
bit of fish that will be ready in twenty. That
proposal declined, he suggests-as- neat
originality--a veal or common outlet You
close with either outlet, any outlet anything.
He goes, leisurely behind a door, and calls
down an unseen shaft. A ventriloquial dia-
1ogue ensues, tending finally to the effect
that veal only is available on the spur of the
moment. You anxiously call out, veal althenl
Your waiter having settled that point, returns
to array your table cloth with table-napkin
folded cocked-hat wise, (slowly, for some
thing ont of the window engages his eye,) a
greer, wine-glass, blue tnger glass, a
castors, with nothing in them; or at all
events-which is enough for your purposes
with nothing in them thatwill come out
All this time the other waiter looks at you
with an air Of mental comparison and Curl
osity, now, as if it had occurred to him that
you are like his brother. Half your time
gone, and nothing come but the jug Of ale
'see after that outlet, waiter, pray dol' He
can not 90 at once, for he is carrying in
seventeen pounds of American cheese for
Won to finish with, and small landed estate
of celery and water cress. The other waiter
changes his leg, and takes q new view OF
you-doubtfully, now, as if he had rejected
the resemblance to his brother, and had be-
gun to think you more like his aunt or his
grandmother Again you beseech your
riFh
after that cutletlp He steps out to see after
it, and by and by when your are going away
without it he comes, with it. Even then he
will not take the sham silver cover off with
out pause for flourish, and a look at the
musty outlet as if he were surprised to see
it-whch can not possibly be the case, he
must have seen it SO often before. A sort oi
fur has been produced upon its surface by the
cooks art, and, in a sham silver vessel, stag
gering on two feet instead of three is q
cutaneous kind of sauce, of brown pimples
and picked cucumber. You order the bill
but your waiter can not bring your bill yet
because he is bringing, instead, three flinty
hearted potatoes and two grim head o
broccoli, like the occasional ornaments OF
area railings, badly broiled. You know tina
you will never come to this pass, any NOR
thln to the cheese and celery and you i'm
peratively demand your bill; but it takes tim
to get even when gone for, because you
waiter has to communicate with a lady VIII
lives behind a sash window in a corner, AM
who appears to have to refer to severa
ledgers befure she can make il out---as if 20
had been staying there year. You becom
distracted to get away, and the other waitel
once more changing his leg, looks at you
but suspiciously, now, as ifyou began to re
mind him of the party who took the grea
coats last winter. Your bill at last brough
and paid, at the rate of sixpence mouthfu
your waiter reminds you attendance is nC
charged for single meal, !" and you have
scratch in all your pockets for sixpent
more. He has worse opinion of you ths
ever when you have given it TO him, and lie
YOU out into the street with the air of OF
saying 20 himself as you can not doubt he
"Thope we shall never see you again"