The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1860-04-05
NO. 33.
wit and Wisdom.


man short, is to borrow all his money.
ga5- Love isn't so blind but that you
can see your mother-in-law.
ssa. At the gate at which suspicion en-
ters, love goes out.
BE- Motto for indolent housewives
"Never too late to mend"
rsa. A bad hat, taken TO an evening
party, frequently comes out as good as
new
gSy- What good would centuries do the
man who only knows how to waste his
time?
BGE The only money that does young
man good, is that he earns himself, and
matrimony.
Rsg- Seeing a cellar nearly finished, a
waggish fellow remarked that it was an
excellent foundation for story.
nn. Long words, like lorg dresses, fire.
quently hide something wrong about the
understanding.
Ea- Fashions votaries have two faults
they are hollow-headed and hollow
| hearted.
b. Stuff your pockets with mackcrol,
and imagine yourself a whale, and you are
hopeful member of the Goldfish aristoc-
racy.
HSs- It was remarked by Dionysius, the
sophist, in counselling moderation in pleas
ure, that "honey should be eaten from the
tip of the finger
eI. Turning water into wine is COM
monty put down as a miracle but many
liquor dealers know how to perform such,
when they purchase a new eask-
pa. If a woman could talk out of the
two corners of her mouth at the same time,
there would be 4 good deal said on both
sides.
, ESF Some mems honesty and decorum
are phantoms that feed on the air of pub
lie opinion, and like the chameleon, change
as often as their food.
ea. When we read the almost interim
nable sentences of some writers, We cannot
help thinking that their readers are IN
danger of being sentenced to death.
eea- A Yankee has invented machine
for extracting the lies from quack adver
tisemcnts Some of them are never seen
/ after entering the machine, as only the
truth comes out.
nm- Scientific Go0erness, loq-My dear,
if you puncture this ball, it will collapse.
: Do you understand me?
Little Boy.-Oh yes. You mean if I
prick it, twill go squash.
BE- For warts-take two or three cents
worth of sal ammoniae, dissolved in a gill
= of soft water, and wet the warts frequently
l with this solution, when they viii disap-
pear in the course of a week or two
sm "What makes all these apothecary
!; shops have stone floors ?' said Billy to
i Sam, as they stood at the counter. "Don't
o you know, Billy? It's so that if feller
: drops his bottle, he'll be sure to break it
. rA- 4 man passing through gateway
:, in the dark, hit his nose against the post
), 81 wish that post was in h. said he
= = Better wish it was somewhere else," said
y bystander, 'you might run against il
: again"
= 49, Newton's nephew was clergyman
!. When he had performed the marriage Ger
1t emony for couple, he always refused th'
d fee, saying,
It "Go your ways, poor devils; l hay'
! done you mischief enough already"
'e @- Jones had been out to cham
E. pagne party, and returned home at late
I'd or rather an early hour. He had hardl
" got into the house when the clock strucl
IN four.
a "One-one-one-one :" hiccuped Mr.
IL Jones. 81 say, Mrs. Jones, this clock
out o order it struck one four times
-. re- A Virginia negro boy, who pro
81 fessed to be dreadfully alarmed at choler'
!" took to the woods to avoid it, and W:
~ there found asleep Being asked why b
~ went there, he said,
nd ITO pray"
w. But" said the oyerseer, Chow was
-, VI that you went to sleep ?"
~ ~ Don't know, massa, 'zactly, but 'spe
~ ~ l must have overprayed myself"
ed sG- = Rev. gentleman, in the cour
for of lecture short time ago, told the ft
rs, lowing story as a hit at those kind
pie Christians who are too indolent to purs,
ses the duties required of them by their fait
He says that one pious gentleman comp
sed very fervent prayer to the Almight
,rn wrote it out legibly, and affixed the ma
er- uscript to his bed-post. Then, on co
wo nights, he merely pointed to the ''doc
SUI ment," and with the words-"Oh, Lor,
ces those are my sentiments blew out 4
light, and nestled amid the blankets.