The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-06-13
MIscELLANEous lrEms.
- The real New England revolver
the spinning wheel.

sno spihnliS "heois
= A person who can afford hvery
ought to Ive very well.
- Why is an infant like diamond
Because il is dear little thing.
= Why is the world like a pianoi Be
cause it is full of sharps and flats.
= 1t is not half so difficult 10 tempt
man into crime as TO coax him out Of it
- The poor birds are not a very bold
race, and yet great many Of them dit
game.
- A man who often "gets high
through drink, soon gets loao in purse as
we'll as in person.
= Why are ladies' eyes like friends
separated by distant climesY Because
they correspond, but never meet.
-" Who is that with Miss Flint r.
said a wag 10 his companion. "Oh, that
is spark which she has struck"
-" come to Steel" as the rat said
to the trap. "And spring TO embrace
you" as tho steel replied to the rat.'
= AS you rise in life so does the envy
of the world increase--the man who
makes reputation, makes enemies.
- Wanted to know whether it is a
sign, when man slips down in the mud,
that he has a drop too much.
- 1t is somewha. singular that wo-
men are rarely if ever inebriated when il
is known they arc so fond of their glass
ess.
- If woman could talk out of the
two corners of her mouth at the same
time, thore would be good deal said on
both sides.
= 1t will afford sweeter happiness in
the hour of death to have wiped one tear
from the check of sorrow than 10 have
ruled an empire.
= There is lawyer so excessively
honest that he puts all his flower pots out
over night, so determined is he that eve
rything shall have its den.
al wish, Mr.. Speaker, to present a
liquor BILL" said a red-nosed member of a
western legislature. "You never present
any other kind" said political opponent.
- A lady once complained 10 her doc
tor that she could scarcely BREATHE
"Don't try, my good SOUL" replied the
physician; nobody wants YOU to do it."
- Cufy said he'd rather die in rail
road smash up than steamboat burst
up, for this reason. IF you gifts of and
smashed up, dar you is; but if you gets
blowed up on the boat, whar is you?"
- A medical gentleman wrote letter
in 1882 to Sir Henry Halford, on chole-
ra, in which he took upon himself the
credit of being "tho first to discover the
disease, and communicate it to the pub
lic."
- A Rochester paper, in describing
the effect of thunder shower, says:
" A COW was struck by lightning and in
stantly killed, belonging to the village
physician, who had a beautiful calf four
days old"
- A person asked Grocian philoso-
phcr what he thought was the proper time
to dine? "Sir, said the ancient, "the
proper time of dinner with the opulent is
when they choose; with the poor man,
when he can"
- The Chicago Tribune says, off
Lincoln is elected, he won't bring much
that is ornamental into the White House."
We should think so; Judging from the
picture in Harper's Weekly, observes the
Milwaukee NeaOs.
- A somnambulistic woman walked
out of fourth story window in Brooklyn,
N. Y, and the fall to the ground only
awakened her. She went quietly back to
bed again attended only by the sympa-
thies of an observing policeman.
- Little Brum Charley says that he
has been without money so long that his
head aches, "ready to split" when he
tries 10 recollect how q dime looks. He
says, the notion that we live I" in n world
OF CHANGE is great fallacy.
"A Wisconsin paper, after describing
q farm which the advertiser wants to sell,
adds, "The surrounding country is the
most beautiful the God of nature ever
made. The scenery is celestial-divine
also two wagons to sell and yoke of
steers"
- A new whisky called "Tangle-leg,"
has been invented in Troy. 1t is said TO
be made of diluted alcohol, nitric acid,
bootleg and tobacco, and will upset
man at the distance Of four hundred yards |
from the demJohn. 1t is said to be the
only liquor ever manufactured that can
bring Trojan down.
- Some years ago servant girl, who
had robbed her mistress, a milliner in
London, was sent to Sydney for a term
Of years. Since the discovery of the
Bathurst Plains, she has written to her
former mistress that the colony was a
good place; that she now kept her car
-iape. she recommended her 10 come out |