, 1860-08-03

A farmers boy, in Barren county, Ky, ad-
vertises for wife. He says:
"He wants to knowif she can milk,
And make his bread and butter,
And 60 TO meeting without silk,
To make . show and iluttsr.
"He'd like TO know if it would hurt
Her hands To take up stitches;
Or sew the buttons on his shirt
Or make pair Of --"
Once, two ministers Of the Gospel were con.
versing oh cxIemporaneous preaching.
.WelL" said the old divine, waxing warm,
%you are running yourself " writing your SER
mons aud reading thstii Of Your congregation
cannot become Interested IN your preaching; AID
IL you wsIe called upon 70 preach unexpectedly,
unless yOd could get hold Of an old sermon, you
would BE- completely confused"
The young divine used al his eloquence, but
in vain, 70 convince the old gentleman that the
written serIiun oKprsssed his own thoughts aud
feelings, aud, u called upOn be could Pfvach ex-
iemp0Faneoasly.
"As We are Of the same faith, ," said the young
minister, "Suppose you Try me next Sabbath
morning. On ascending tho pulpit you can hand
me text irOGii any part Of the Bibe, aud will
convince you that can preach without hating
looked at the tsxt before | stood up. Likewise,
must b. allowed the same privilege with you,
and see who will make the best Of l."
The idea seeIued 70 delight the old gentleman,
and il was Immediately agreed upon.
abe following Sabbath, On mounting the pulpit,
bis senior bryIher handed him slip u paper; Oh
which was written; sAnd the ass opened bis
mouth and spake !" lrUm which he preached 1
glorious sermon, chnining the attention Of his de-
lighted hearers, and charming his old friend with
his elOQuenee.
10 tie afternoon, the young brother, who was
sitting below the pulpit, handed his slip. Alter
Fisins and opening the Bible, the old man looked
sadly afound-S Am not thine assp7 pausing
Few minutes, be ran hla fingers through his
hair, Strengthened his collar, bew his nose like
the last trumpet and rad aloud" Am not
thine asst" Another pause, in which deadly
silence reigned AiIer reading third time
Am hol thine ass 2" he looked over the puluit
at his fFieud, and In . doleful voice, said
think I an, brother"
One must l'e easy IN kis mind to 60 to sleep
quietly, but what must have been the feelings Of
the stranger who was sent up stairs In western
hotel 10 sleep with backwOOdsmAn, who gave
him this welcome: Wall, stranger. I've no OBJ
lection to your sleeping with Ine-none In the
least; but it seems 10 me the beds rather mar.
row Eryou % sleep comfortable, considering how
! dream. You see, I'm On old trupper, aud gen.
orally dream Of shooting and scalping indians.
At the place stopped night before last they
charged me I've do lars extra, cause happened
t0whittle up the head-bOard with my knife while
was dreaming. But you can come 10 bed Il
you liksi issl kinder Pedoeabls tonight"
Mr.. Green sued q lady for breach Of promise,
and her friends offered him two hundred dollars
to settle. "Whati" cried Green, 1.-TWO hun
dFed dollars for ruined hopes, q shattered mind,
blasted life, and bleeding hyarti Never! but
make Il three hundred dollars and Il Is bar
g1inp ~
A village dame was thus heard calling from
her cottage door to child, playing in the dis
lance, and hearing but not needing is mother
@Lassie luvi Lis-a-Buthi E-LiE-ef=
Butht Be1s, you young Hazzisl"
"what ane head your boy has" sHsd On ID.
miring friend. Yea" said the father, hes Z
chip on the old block, amt you sonny Z" al
gusa 90, daddy, cause teacher said yesterday
Was young blOckhead."
: A political novice arose 70 make his irsl
speech, and, 10 bis embarrassment, began d
scratch bis bead. swell, really said politi.
al opponent " ! think be has got something n
his bead, aller al"
Llttle Brum Charley says that be has hisn
without lRoiSy s long, that his head aches
srsady b sPlit.n when hs tisf b fseollea heN
9 dlmS lodhl Re sAys The noiioa that ~ i've
u Gefid q ehaH5e,s b great hlaey.