The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1860-11-09
VOL. 5. NO. IA.
A TosCHING APpEAL.-

hnu 'heh MS iunny tricks,
30 funny in their place,
So fall OF canine licks,
Upon your hands and face.
You will surely let him live
Oh, do not kill him-dead
He wags his narrative
And Prays for lite-not lead.
20 get the muzzle now,
Aud put 1t upon his mouth,
And stop that bow, WOW, WOW
And tendency to drought.
lie Is your children's pet,
Companion Of their joy;
You VIII not kill him yet,
And thus their hopes destroy.
No, Morgan, spare that pup,
And go away from there
Nor BAD.-s'Frst class in oriental phioso-
ply stand up. Thibets, what is life 90
''Llte consists Of money, horse, and fast
wife,
''Next. What is death 90
"a paymaster who settles everybody 9 debts.
and gives the tombstone as receipt in fullof all
demands.''
"What is poverty %
"The reward of merit genius generally re-
celves from discriminating publc.''
'What is religion %
"Dong unto others as YOU please, without al
loving return of the compliment"
'FWhat Is fame ~
ga six line puff in a newspaper while liv-
ing, and your fortune to your enemies when
you are dead"
GJA young bachelor, who haa been az
pointed deputy sheriff, was called to serve an
attachment against beautiful young widow
He accordingly called upon her, aud said
'Madam have an attachment for you.''
The widow blushed aud SAID she was happy
TO inform him that his attachment was recipro-
Gated
''You do not understand me vou must pro-
ceed to court"
81 know It's leap year, sir, but prefer you
would do the courting."
"Mrs. f., this is no time for triAing, the ms
tce is waiting"
"The justice. Why, l should prefer par
son ~
70 Richards was an inveterate chewer of
tobacco. To break himself ofthe habit, he took
mp another, which was that of making pledge
about once month that be would never chew
another piece. He broke his pledge Just as Of
ten as he made it. The last time I had seen
him he told me he had broken of for good, but
now as | met him he was taking another
chew.
'EWhy Richards" says I, ssyoe told me YOU
had given up that habit, but see you are at i,
again."
s'Yes he replied, have gone TO chewing, aud
left Offlying."
tG~A farmer once hired a Fermonter TO as
Sst in drawing logs. The Yankee, when there
was log to lift, generally tried to secure the
smallest end, for which the farmer reproved
him, and told hun always to take the butt end.
Dinner came, and with II sugar loaf Indian
pudding. Jonathan sliced offa generous por-
ton of the largest part. giving the farmer he
wink, and exclaimed: ''Always take the butt
end :"
D~A Yarmouth malster hired an Irishman,
ga green hand,'' TO assist IN loading his soop
with malt. Just as the vessel was about TO set
sail, the Irishman, who was 'jingling the price
OF his Gays work in his pocket, cried out from
the quay:
s'Captan lost your shovel overheard bu.
cut big notch on the rail fence around the
starn, right over the spot where it went down
SO you Can find it when you come back"
10 Before the days of tetotallers, neighbor
OF Mr.. Bisbee saw the gentleman, at an early
hour of the day, crawling slowly homeward on
his hands and knees over the frozen ground.
''Why don't you get up, Mr. Bisbee WHY
don't you get up and walk z" said his neigh
Dor.
81 w-w-wou1d, o-b-bu. it's SO mighty thin
here, that I'm afraid I sh-sh-shaII b-b-break
through"
GF"WhPre are you going 90 said a young
gentleman to an elderly one in white cravat,
whom be overlook few miles from Little
Rock.
81 am going to heaven, my son /; | have been
on the way for more than eighteen years.
"Well, good by, old hoss, if you have been
travelling towards heaven for eighteen years
and got no nearer than Arkansas, I'll take an
other route"
Have you anything else old % sand an
English lady at Rome, to boy, of whom she
had bought some antiques.
eYes,, said the urchin, thrusting forward his
hat, which had seen some dozen summers, "my
hat is old.'
The lady rewarded bis wit
lC5-''Is this your only SUIT, Jerry it's rather
shabby"
40, no, Pveg got another"
'1Whpre !''
ssIn Court"
D5~"I'm getting fat, as the oater said when
he was stealing lard