The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-03-24
a. Delays ars dangerous especially
with widows.

u Cincinnati 10 the HAx-burg Of Amer
ics-the MEAr-ropolis Of the West.
tTMany man keeps on drinking. till he
hasn't coat to his back or his stomach.
q The latest case of usury il that Of
the loan Of shirt collar. The borrower
was forced to return shirt.
Mr.. Smith has electrified humanity
BY the discovery, that much d the sicksess
in New Orleans 10 occasioned BY bad health.
TAlways doubt the sincerity Of . girl
when you see her wipe her mouth after you
kiss her.
A gentleman who spoke of having been
struck by lady'e beauty, was advised to
kiss the rod that smote him.
CT Come out here and III lick the whole
ON you, as the boy said, as he saw bottle
full of sugar sticks in sugar shop window.
c. If you fall into misfortune, olsen
gage yourself AZ quick a. you can. Creep
through the bushes that have the fewest
briers.
TEvery girl who intends to qualify for
marriage, should 60 through a course of
cookery. Unfortunately, few wives are able
to dress anything but themselves.-Punch.
It is confidently asserted that poor
young man has but two alternatives, either
to 60 to work or 60 to the devil. A great
nunkes choose she latter.
80 s--s-~ss--
O. A young man in conversation one
evening CHANGED to remark-"l am no
prophet" "True, true,' replied lady
present, ono profit to yourself OF any one
else"
O. "A gentleman who has been obliged
to visit the dentist lately, wishes to know if
ths csrious and precarous teeth which he
has Inherited from his fathers family, might
he called his paternal achers.
o~~
@rA man describing prairie village af-
ter hurricane had passed over it, said that
next morning he saw twenty houses full Of
people with their gable ends blown out. Is
AN ODlOUS COMPARISON.
A monthly says: "Woman is a link
between earth and heaven. Prentice, of
the Louisville journal, says: $50 is o
sausage tossed in the air.
CT A letter was sent through the post
Office recently with the following direction:
This letter must 60 rs quick as it can
To Hillsdals College, in Michigan,
The State where in winter they almost freeze
And spend the summer in catching feas."
A~S
A conversation occurred between a coun-
sellor.at-law and client; 81 want you to
defend me. Wat do you charge?' sTwen-
tydollars, if you furnish the witnesses,
and forty il furnish them" Client
promised to take into consideration and
report next day.
YA young lady being asked why she
did not attend party to which she had been
invited, replied:
81 forgot about the party and ate onions
for breakfast"
rfY" Lord Burleigh, great statesman Of
the time of Queen Elizabeth, used to say,
81 will never trust any man whose religious
principles are not sound; for he that is false
TO his God, can never be u true man."
--s~e
a. Two classes of people are always out
Of debt-those who never want to buy what
they hayn't money in hand to pay for, and
those who are such notorious rascals that
they can't get trusted.
sCTW While Mrs. Butler was playing Ju-
list at Philadelphia, and just when she had
exclaimed, ooh! cruel poison" " tall lean,
burnt, sandy. haired medical student in the
stage box, deeply absorbed in the scene,
thrust down his hat on his head with con.
vulsive effort, crying out in voice of thun-
der at the same time, s'Keep him up Juliet
-I'll run fetch the stomach pump"
eJA short time since young couple
were married in Rochester. Tho bride was
avery beautiful girl, and had quite as beau
tiful o sister,, who was also unmarried
After the two had been made one, the
reverend uniter of hearts and souls kneeled
down, and prayed fervently, entreating the
riches. blessings and mercies of Providence
on the bride and groom, as well as upon
"the SURFING sisterH'
@ A tavern keeper in Newark, when
giving New Years to his help" told one
of his porters "a smart Irshman) that he
was about the best man around the house,
and therefore be should give him the most
costly present. Sure" said Pat, rubbing
his hands with delight, 81 always name to
do my duty" 81 believe YOU" replied his
employer, and therefore will make you
present Of all you have stolen from me
during the year! "Thank yer honor"
replied Pat" and may all yer frinds and
acquaintences trats you as liberaly."
90
HGTA few weeks ago baby was taken
to church to be baptized, and bis little
brother was present during the rite. On
the following Sunday, when the baby was
undergoing his ablutions and dressing, the
little brother asked mamma if she intended
to carry Willie to be christened?
"Why, no" said the mother; "don't
you know, my son, people are not baptised
twice ?"
"Whst !returned the young reasoner,
with the utmost establishment in his earnest
face, " not il it don't take the first time ?''
"Did you 60 to Dr.--to have him
cure you Of lisping ?" said a gentleman to
little boy who had been tongue tied. #
"Yeth thir," answered the Lad.
'What did he do to you?,' -. .-..-.--
ale cut a little thring there wath under
my TONGUE"
"Did he cure you?"
"Yeth thir."
"Why syou lispiug now?''
."Am Ithir? Well, don't psrthievc that
] iitbp, ecthept when go TO- thay, thick
him pensh! Then Ialwayth notith it,
APIOUs SON
ooh, mother mothern' 81.
"What, son 20
''Mayn's hev the Bible up in my room
to-day ~ - =. c,~>
eyes, my child, and welcome. Yon don't
know what pleasure it gives me to see your
thoughts turn in that way. But what sticks
are those in your hands" znrs p
"Trisgsrs."
oTrigs ers for what my child?
ssWhy trap triggers. Here's the standard
you see; this is the ripper, and that one
with the fat meat on the end is the long
trigger. There's rotted mouse keeps
comm inter my room and insultin ov me,
and want to set the big Bible with this
A.:--.. - .,o nopsk LnooL his oh,cL o,t