davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07


TnE UBlouIrY OF PATENTS. The Scientific
american, in noticing . new patent bier for
lowering cofins into graves, INDUCES in the
following strain in reference to patents:
1.-THE life Of this age, most assuredly, moves
on patent inventions. The infant is wrapped
in linen which has been woven on patent
loom. from yarn spun upon patent frame,
and he draws his first drop Of nourishment
from his mothers breast through patent
nipple shield. The girl fondles patent doll,
tbs boy whirls patent top or plays with a
ball which is made under one of the most val.
liable patents of the age. In later life we put
on French yoke shirt. which, with the rest
Of our clothes, is sewed on . patent machine,
with patent thread, by patent needle,
which comes cnvcloped in patent wrapper,
and our very boots are made of patent leath-
or. We rise in the morning from patent
elliptic spring bcd. undo the patent fasteninga
Of our windows. roll up our patent curtains,
open the patent lock Of our doors, which was
constructed by patent machinery. and 60 down
70 our coffee. which is made in patent" Old
Dominion'' pot. We write with one Of Nor.
toms pcns, which w dip into patent ink in 4
pateat stand. Thus, surrounded by patents
70 pass oar life, which is tiled with gorgeous
dreams of making splendid fortune by some
patent invention Of our own, till at last we arr
placed in patent burial case. and lowered
from patent bier into our final place Of rest ;
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07
"Artenaus Ward

The connection of Mr.. Charles +. Brown,
known rs " Artcmus Ward" with the Clcve-
land Pkainlealsr. terminated on Saturday
night last. Mr.. Brown goes to New York,
where he is engaged to contribute exclusively
to Vanity Fair. in whose columns he will
continue his celebrated Artemus Ward letters.
The following is one of Mr. Browns last To-
Gals in the Pldindealer, under the head Of
I" Editing" .,... ... ..-... a.
Before you 60 for an Editor, young man,
pause and take big think Do not rush in
to the Editorial harness rashly. Look around
and sec if there is not an omnibus to drive
some soil somewhere to be tilled-a clerk ship
on some meat cart to be fillcd-anything that
is reputable and healthy, rather than going
for an Editor, which is hard business at best
We are not q horse, and consequently have
never been called upon to furnish the motive
power for threshing machine: but We fancy
ttat the life of the Editor, who is forced 10
write, write, write, whether he feels right or
not is much like that of the stecd in question.
II the yeas and nays could be obtained, we
believe the intelligent horse would decide that
the threshing machine is preferable t. the
sanctum Editorial. ,. n,' add e.. -
The Editors work is never done. He is
drained necessarily, and no wonder that he
dries up prematurcly. Other people can at
tend banquets, weddings, etc. visit halls Of
dazzling light, get inebriated, break windows,
lick a man occasionally and enjoy themselves
in variety Of ways; but the Editor cannot.
He must hold tenaciously to his quill The
press, like sick baby, mustn't be left alone
for minute. lfthc press, is left to run it.
self, even a day, some absurd person indig-
nantly orders the carrier-boy to stop bringing
" that internal paper. There's nothing in it.
l won't have it in my house." .a
The elegant Mantalini, reduced to mangle
turning, described his life as "a horrid grind
The life Of an Editor is all that. Ed.
But there is good time coming, VIC feel
confident, for the Editor A time when he
will be- appreciated. When he will have a
front seat. When he will have pie every day,
wear store clothes continually When the
harsh cry of stop my paper will no more
crate upon his ears. Courage Messieurs the
Editors Still sanguine as We are of the
coming Of this jolly time, we advise the as
pirants for Editorial honors to pause ere he
takes up the quill as means of obtaining his
bread and butter. DO not, at least do so un.
til you have been Tilted several dozen times
by q like number Of girls, until you have been
knocked down stairs and soused in horse.
pond, until all the gushing feelings within
you have been thoroughly subdued. until, in
short, your hide is of rhinoceros thickness
Then, o, aspirant for the bubble reputation
Mt the press mouth, throw yourselves among
the ink pots, dust and cobwcbs of the print.
ing Office, if you will. s
- Good my lord, viii you sse the Editors well
bestowed Do you hear let them no well used for they
the abstract and brief chronicles Of the time
Ill report while you live.-[HAxlsr, slshsly altered.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

Iowa AND W1scoNslN.-Ths census just
taken gives Iowa a population Of 5000
In 1850 her population was 1924. In.
crease in ten years, 4S2, 1855.
The population of Wisconsin is 77S, 900
The increase for the last ten years has been
Az, 391--a trif1e less than that of Iowa. The
aggregate population of the two States il
very nearly one and a half million. Ten
years ago it was only 400, 1851. In the pres.
ent Congress, Wisconsin has three and lows
two Representatives. In the next, Wiscon.
ssh will have sir and Iowa flee. No two
States in the Union have increased so rapidly,
during the last decade, As Iowa and Wiscon.
sin.-Byfalo Ezpress. ....#.aa 81
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

Judge Douglas was welcomed back in
Washington by few felicitious remarks by
Mr.. John G. Enos, President of the Associa-
tion-after which Judge Douglas was intro
duced, and received with tremendous ap-
plausc. Referring to Hon. A. II. Stephens
late speech, Judge Douglas said he endorsed
every sentiment It contained, and it inspired
him with the hope that there was party yet
strong enough to save the country. He &C.
cepted the Georgia platform in all its features
The Personal Liberty bill should never
have been on the statute books Of any State.
He believed Congress had the power to re-
move all distractions to the Fugitive Slave
Law, whether resulting from State or any
other legislation. He again exhorted his
friends not to indulge in recrimination, but
to let bygones be bygones, and to unite for
the preservation Of the Union. He concluded
by saying that on Monday he should resume
his seat in the Senate with no prejudice OF
IN feelings towards any one except the foes
ofhis country.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07
POST OFFICE.

POST OFFICE.
OFFICE A. N. TO ?. ~; Opxn SUNDAYS, 70
2 A.. u. AND TO ?. Y. Mails CLOSE DAILY AT 8 P n
EASTERN xAIL-ARRIvss daily Sundays excepted)
At l0r DEPAsrs daily Sundays excepted At
WESTERN HAIL-AnnvEs every Wednesday, Fri.
day and Sunday at r. y. DEPARTS every Tuesday,
Thursday and Saturday At ! An.
NORTHERN NAII.-vis waverly, bradford and ST.
Charles, ARRIVES every Monday Wednesday and Friday
at ~ DEPARTS every Tuesday, Thursday and Sstur-
day 1t IAN.
SOUTHERN KAur-ARRvss every Monday, We'd
Thursday and Saturday at IAN.
NORTHERN wAII.--via Ciarksvile, Rockford and
Mason City, ARRIVES every Sunday a r. n. DEPARTS
every Wednesday at An.
NORTHWESTERN MALTA willoushby, Mays
vile and Hampton every Wednesday ct 10 A. H.
DEPARTS every Wednesday at r.x.
NORTHERN NAIL-vin willougf,by Shell Rock and
GAINESVILLE ARRIVES every Saturday a. IN DEPARTS
every Saturday At 10 An.
NORTHWESTERN NAIL--via Butler Center
Hampton Belnond lryington to Algona, LRAvss Cedar
Falls every Thursday at A. ~, ARRIVES At Algona Sat
nrday ?. n. LEAVES Agona Monday A. ~, ARRIVES al
Cedar Falls Wednesday 6P.x. .E.ss2
Mails for New Hartford and swanton. Butler Count,
- -, A. MULLARKY. r. NJ.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07
A Southern Planter Visits Lincoln.

LINcoLN's Policy AS DEFINED by HIxsELr.-
A wealthy planter, Of Mississippi, native Of
Maury County, Tenn, and Breckenridge
Democrat, passed through this city on Sat
urday last, and related to gentleman of one
of the upper counties, whom we know to be
entirely reliable, the following We take the
liberty Of giving the facts elected publicity
because of their importance. -....f ID.
This planter desired to purchase an add.
tional supply Of negroes to pick his presen,
crop of cotton, but feared to do so. on &C.
count Of the great depreciation in their value
and the alarming excitement which pcrva
dcd the South. In order to ascertain from
his own lips, Lincoln's policy, he visited him
at his residence in Springfield, Illinois.
Mr.. Lincoln informed him that he was op.
posed to any interference with slavery in ths
states. or with the interstate slavc-trade
that he was opposed to abolishing or inter
ftring with slavery in the district Of Colum
bia and that he was only opposed to its ex
tension in the territories, but added, "tha
was only an opinion Of his" He was Their
asked what would he do in the event thai
South Carolina seeded from the Union p
He replied that he would let her 60, if Con
gress did not pass Force Bill"
He states that il no one would accept offic.
in that State, Of course they could receive NJ
benefits from the government, and the whole
expense Of the distribution of the mail.
would devolvc on her own citizens. He con
cluded by advising the Mississippian to pur
chase as many negroes as he needed; ant
expressed the opinion that, in twelve months
slave property would be worth more than i
ever had been. Upon these assurances, tn,
gentleman was, on Saturday, making hi!
way to Virginia to purchase more negroes. :
He says that Lincoln is man of profound
requirements, and that he doubts not vii
make as good, if not better President thar
Mr.. Buchanan has DONE Chattanooga Ga
zette. ~
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

TIE LIBERTY Bill OF MASSACHUSETTS The
present personal Liberty bill Of Massachusetts,
was passed by the Legislature Of 1855, over
Governor Gardeners veto. An act to repeal
it was in progress the next year, and on .
test vote had majority of fifteen in the
House, when the news Of Brooks's assault on
Sumner arrived, and the repeal was defeated
In 1858, several sections of the act were re-
pcalcd by suggestion Of Governor Banks.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07
Presidents Message.

The Message was delivered to Congress
last Tuesday. The Dubuque papers bring
us Geographic synopsis, from which we
take the following extract:
"The President reviews the history of the
anti-slavery movement, and SAYS all that is
necessary to accomplish the object Of peace is
for the slavcholding States to be let alone,
and manage their own domestic institutions
in their own way. The mere election Of any
man to Office is not just cause for a dissolu-
ton Of the Union. The antccedents Of the
President elect are calculated to excite fears
in South Carolina, but is the question Of con-
tngcnt danger sufficient to justify the dcs-
tructon of the Government? He reviews the
acts of different Northern States in the pas
sage of Personal Liberty bills, and pronoun-
ccs them unconstitutional. He says it should
not be presumed in advance that the Presi-
dent elect will fail to enforce the Fugitive
Slave Law, as this would be unjust, and con-
trary to Christian charity. Let us wait for
the overt act. He then declares against the
right Of secession, and says to admit it the
Union might be broken into fragments in less
than two weeks. He quotes the language of
JACKSON and MADISON" Secession is alto
gcthcr founded on any inference not in the
Constitution. Union was designed to be per-
pctual" He then quotes the Constitution in
support Of this view. The trainers of the
Constitution never intended to plant in its
bosom seeds for its own destruction. They
were not guilty of the absurdity Of it's own
dissolution. The right of resistance against
tyranny and oppression, however, cannot b.
denied. This right is asserted IN the Declar-
alton Of Indepcn 'ence: but secession is not
either more nor less than revolution. He
speaks of the affairs Of South Carolina. He
does not apprehcnd that an attempt will be
made to seize Fort Moultrc, but If in this he
is mistaken, the officers have orders to act
strictly on the defensive-l:t the responsible
ity rest on the heads Of those who provoke
the contest. He invokes his countrymen to
pause before attempting to destroy the Union
which has conferred so many benefits. He
argues that Congress can do much to restore
peace by proposing and recommending an
amendment to the Constitution for remedy
ing the existing evils. The very course he
recommends is to have an explanatory clause
or amendment of the Slave question: LIST,
Expressly recognizing the right Of property
in slaves in States where slavery now or may
hereafter exis::; I'd, The duty Of protecting
such rights in all the coming Territories un-
till the latter are admitted as States in the
Union; Sd, A like recognition Of the right Of
the master to have his slave, who has escaped
from one State to another, restored and de-
livsred up to him." r's ,-s,a
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

Cow ALorr.-We witnessed, yesterday the
following daring exploit Of = cow. Getting
into the stable in thsrear Of The Nicolet house,
she, by means only known to herself madt
her way up steep fight Of stairs, and sue
cecdcd in landing in tie hay-mow. Not ri.
ishing close confinement, she stepped through
an open window and took position on the
slanting roof, quietly munching provcnder as
she gazed benignantly on the wondering crowd
below. "How she got up" and g how to get
her down" were puzzling questions, almost
as difficult of solution rs "who built the
Egyptian pyramids" A burly son Of Erin
came to the rescue, forcing I" the crittcr" to
rctrace her steps, he holding on to the caudal
extenuation to right ship in case Of loss of
equilibrium. A safe landing was at last ef-
fectcd, thanks to careful p;lotagc.--St. Paul
Pioneer. aTa
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07
Secession.

/ 0VSOooA0AS
The persistent secession howl Of few {
the extreme Southern States, seems 10 alarm
some Of the Northern Republicans, and it i
even reported that Senator SEwAsp will soo1
Offer in Congress conciliatory resolutions
and that JoHx CocnRAxE and other prominen
members Of both parties are engaged in con,
promise arrangements. We have not mucl
faith in compromise measures how the,
have been respected heretofore, is too vel
known to our readers. Especially arc W
opposed to any compromise between RICH
and Wrong. We do not believe it to be III,
duty of the North to humiliate itself by beg
ging the pardon Of the South for having
whipped it in fair fight, and by making
over to the vanquished large portion Of thu
honors and benefits derived from the victory
by the conqucrors. The South now occu
pies exactly the position that the North 70,
a long series Of years has been placed in, and
let them learn to do as we have done, wai
patiently, submit good-naturedly to the viii
Of the majority, and seek redress at the bal
lot box alone. ......
If there are any State laws at the North
that are really unjust to the South, we say
let them be modified; and on the other hand
If there is National law that is obnoxious
to common decency, and utterly regardless
Of the claims Of humanity, let that be mod
flied also. Until the one is amended, the
other can hardly be expected to be corrected.
If the ultraists South still persist in Seces-
sion, after reasonable time shall have
elapsed, we should like to see them brought
back to their senses by all the powers vested
in the General Government. The territory
Of louisiana was not purchased at an expense
Of $l5, 100000, in order that we could COM
mand the mouth Of the Mississippi, and the
Gulf Of Mexico, merely to give it up to hos
tile government, without fee or reward
The same is true Of Texas, acquired at an ex-
pense of a 1,O0, 0O0, 900 and 10000 lives. If
they 60, let them understand that they must
account to the Federal Government for all
these OUTLAWS, and render up, or pay for all
the Government property within tn II do
mains. If the North yield now to appease
the voracious nav Of Slavery, when will these
demands cease? five yield now, the soon
ner will we be again called upon to do the
same thing, and each time the concession
demanded will be more ignoble and servile for
u.s. But if a determinatcd stand is now taken,
and they be made to understand that while
we are willing to accord them all the rights
they are entitled to under the Constitution,
and at the same time we of the North have
rights, as well as they, which must be re-
spcctcd, and that we will admit Of no seces-
sion, they will soon see the utter futlity Of
the game Of bluff" the Union be preserved
and rights of the whole country respected, and
all will be well again, with no PROJECT of an
eruption everytime the unjust demands Of a
particular section are disrcgarded.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

County, SEAT Waive SEQ by the last
number Of the .Ietsrsonian, that the question
ofremoving the County Seat Of Butler County
back to GAINESVILLE is to be agitated again.
A petition will be presented to the Board ask
ing that q vote may be taken on the question
q ~ Aext April election.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

New TRIAL FOR THE DEs MONIES RIVER
LAxps.-A new trial has been applied for in
the case that gave the Des Moines River
Lands to the Dubuque 4 Pacific r. R. II
seems that Of the several points brought for
ward, only part of them were passed upon
by the Supreme Court, and upon this ground
was the case appealed. ..t aIs
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

PAci1c SLorE.-Thc last arrival Of the
Pony Express confirms previous reports, tina,
California and Oregon bad cast their electoral
votes for LINCOLN. In California the election
returns were not quite complete. The total
vote returned is 1885 Lincoln SO, GAG,
Douglas s7,S4s, Breckinridge ss,s57. The
vote of the State cannot exceed 1885,
Lincoln conceded from 700 to 1000 plurality
Returns from all the counties in Oregon
give Lincoln Sls majority over Breckinridgc.
Douglas is number three in the race.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

THE vorE OF IowA.-The official returns
from all the counties of this State have been
received. with the exception Of Wright. and
this is reported to have given 70 Republican
majority. Lincoln's majority in the State is
1928. The returns for members Of Con
gress and State officers were canvasscd yes
tcrday.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

QuERY-We have been told that there is
an Editorial Association in this State. If so,
when and where is the next meeting to be
held? Although dead-head and editor are
SYNONYMOUS terms, we hope that this insti.
tuition is by no means dead one. Who can
enlighten us? g- ~Hs
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

Going 70 Hear Bssohsrs Election Sermon.
"A New York correspondent Of tho Boston
7ropelsr writes:
had queer experience on Sunday even.
ing; hyou have time, read il. I had often
hoard Of Henry Ward Beecher and his DO.
litical use Of the pulpit. but it had never
been my fortune to hear him, on any great
occasion. Old Abe, you may remember, was
elected President last Tuesday, and thought
the reverend gentleman would be very apt to
vsntilatc his publications thereon, and / deter.
mined to 90 and hear him. His services
commenced at half-past seven in the evening,
and tho church is always crowded BY half.
past six; SO taking bite at five, | walked
from my hotel to the Fulton ferry, determined
to profit by my early attendance and get .
good seat. On the ferry boat I found about
fve hundred other people who had deter
mined upon the same course Of action. and
WIN scowled selfishly at me % entered the
csbin. However. said nothing to nobody"
resolving that when the boat touched the
Brooklyn shore would take short cut to
tho church and play smart on my fellow
seekers Of religio political truth. The boat
touched, jumped so did all the rest; ran
$50 did they; | cut across the corners
they did tho same we all rushed lickety cut
zap Hicks street, reaching the outer portal of
PiyInoth church, breathlcss, heated, tired and
worn, and when we had reached that inter.
esting locality, we found pushing, striving,
restless mass Of humanity, comprising Ger.
tainly six hundred men, women and children,
oil eager to get inside Of the church house,
which was already rammcd, jammed and
packed as full as full could be. However, as
. reporter, I was able to get in, and side by
sill. with fifteen little boys and blind man,
squatted myself on the point Of circular
platform, and-waited an hour and q quarter
Then the long looked for came, the gas was
then turned up-a rousing hymn was then
sung by three thousand people with q will
and a gusto--a strong and wonderfully clo-
quent prayer was offered. and then all settled
in their seats, while the Domini "squore
hims.lf' for the sermon.
Coolly, calmly, Mr.. Bee-hcr began--grad.
ually he warmed up, presently he flushed red
in the face, then his arms few around like
the arms Of windmill, first on one sid Of
now extsmporizing. laundering out anthe,nas
on sncaking politicians, scarifying Northern
doughfaccs, ridiculing Southern threateners,
imploring Northern Christians, running
through the seve,al gamuts Of menace, peti.
ton, argument, statement and reason. and
keeping for an honr and half the entir. au-
dience in delightful state Of intellectual en-
joy,ncnt, and physical upscrewmcnt such as
is rarely sustained by morals horc below
firing the nimble fingers ofthe reporters, and
sweating himself at every pore. It las a
great and grand sermon, suited to the occa-
sion and fitted for the times. Next time I
shall 60 at four o'clock, and take my lunch
con with mo, and file Of the Sunday papers
with which to while away the waiting hours.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

DEArn OF DAVID Dale OwES.-This dis
tinguished geologist died lately at his resi-
dence at New Harmony, Ind. In 1S48 he
made geological survey of this State unde,
the direction Of Congress. He was genial
kind hearted man, and but for his reputation
as an infidel Of the first water, would have
obtained much higher position in the sci
entific world than he did.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07
the picture.

A Modern Othello is reported to, have be-
witchcd nearly dozen Desdcmonas lately
They arc all daughters of one family, and
threaten to elope If the slightest opposition to
their perpetual union with the Moor Is made
by pater .tamilias The names Of the young
damscls are Miss s. Carolina, Miss Flora Ida,
Miss Ally Bama, Miss Sissirpi, and Miss
Georgia. The others, Miss Virginia, Miss
Louisa Anna, Miss Souri,. and Miss Mary L.,
are in love with the fellow; but won't leave
Uncle Sans comfortable home on his account
They are sensible - svsnersiel A1ceysiesr
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

The only town in the county Of Essex,
New York, which gave majority against the
Republicans, was North Elba, the residence
Of the family of John Brown.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

4 woman and her five children were found
aa Topeka, &. T., on the i4th 'ilt. deaa from
starvation.
Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1860-12-07

For SALT RvER.-Thc Dug-out chartered
by the Fusonists, starts tomorrow for the
head Of Salt River. The cabin boy was sent
with $25 this morning to buy the small
stores" He returned while the captain and
mate were in the cabin taking "smilc, "
and the following colloquy took place: s't.
Boy-Well, Captain, I've come on board
with the "sinall stores"
Captain--What have you bought! II Ii
Boy-l spent twenty-four dollars for whis-
XIV, and one for bread. aN
; Cdt,tain-Thundcr! What are zee going
to do Aeith 90 much bread ALBANY Journal