The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1860-11-16
SOLILOQUY OF A LOAFEE.

Let's see, where am ? Yes, | mind now.
Was coming up street, met wheebaTrow-
wheebarrow was drunk, comm tother way !;
the wheeIbarrow fell over me, or l over the
whee eIbarrow, and one ofus fell INTO the cellar
don't know which now-gursS It must have
been me. I'm nice man-yes, am tgh:
tore drunk Well, | cant help it-tain't
nv fault-wonder whose fault 'tIs Is ii Jones
fault No IS il nv wife,s fault No. rs
whiskev's fault. Who is waiskey =? Has he a
large family ? All poor, reckon. think
I won't own him any more. I'll cut his &C
ouaintance-I'vp had the notion for about ten
wears, and I always hate TO do it for fear of hur-
ting his feelings. I'll do it now--l think
liquor Is injurin' me, its sPoilIn' my tenn
per.
Sometimes get mad when I'm drunk, and
abuse Bets and the brats-It used to be Lizzie
and the children-that's some time ago. I'd
come home oil evenings, she used TO put her
arms around nv neck and KISS me, and call me
dear William When | come home now, she
takes her pips out of her mouth and halr out
of her eyes, and says somethln' like. "BIll, GU
drunken brute, shut the door after you; we're
calc enough havin' no FIRE, 'thout lettln' the
snow blow in that way" Yes, she's Bets, and
I'm Bill, now, amt agood Bill nuther won't
pass a tavern without goln' in and giuin'
drunk DON'T know what bank Ppm on. Last
Saturday night / was on the river bank
drunk.
stay out pretty late no, sometimes I'm out
all night fact IS, Pm pretty much out all over
out of elbows and knees, and always out-ra-
geousv dirty-so Bets says; but then she's no
Judge, for she's never clean herself. | wonder
why she doesn't wear good cloihes-may be
she hasn't got 'em whose faults that talnt
mine, must be whiskey's.
Sometimes Pm IN, however-Tm In-toxlcs-
ted now, in somebody's coal cellar. There's
one principle I've got, won't get in debt /
never could do it. There, one OF my coat tails
is gone-got tore of, ] expect. when / fell IN
here !; TIL have to get new su't soon.
A fellow told me that I'd make good sign
for paper mill, tother day. If he wasn't so
big I'd kick HIM. I've had this shirt on for
nine davs, and I'm afraid it won't come of
without tearing. People ought to respect me
more thnn they do for Pm in holy orders.
amt dandy, though nv clothes are pFel-
tv near the Grecian style. | guess tore this
window shutter in my pants 'tother night
when sat down in the wax in Ben Riggs
shop, and I'll have to get them mended or
constitution might suffer; | amt very
stout as it is. As the boys say. I'm fat as
match, and healthy as the smallpox.
NV best hat has been standing guard for
window pane that went uut the other morning,
at the invitation of BRICK. It's gettin' cold
down here wonder if / amt able to climb. Ii
| had drink, | could think better. Let's see ;,
T oin'F rot tbrna cents n was in tavern |
would sponge one. Whenever person treats
and says, "come fellows" | always think my
name is ''felIers," and Tve got too good manner
10 refuse Well, must leave this, or they'll
arrest me for an attempt at bnrgiarly. amt
come to that vet. Anyhow, 1t was the wheel
barrow that did the harm, not me