Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-03-03
Kernel Enok Pluggins on His Way
to CharIestoWn,

! J|cef DtUtUtyhTQt
Thinking that my noomerous friends
in Wisconsin and thro out Milwalkey,
might think l had bin extinguished
and the world left in darkness, I sit
down on suthin and take up my pen to
inform you that, in the language of Jo-
nah, when he crawled out of the
whales abdoman, II still live.' Nv
| blles is still noomerous, and | hope
these few lines will find you enjoying
the same blessins.
Like all the procurement kandydates
for the Presidency, my eyes is on the
South. ] am a friend of the whole
country, Of the Union and the rest of
mankind. l hold this glorious union
deep ia my inmost buzzum May the
Amerikin Eagle never be torn from
linn to glzzard, and over his remains be
heard the miserable ~~dinterrogetory-
"What is such kritter worth % But
with linn and gizzard indessolublv stuk
to gether, his tale spread out over land
and sea, one wing spread over the Pa
cific and tothcr over the Atlantic, a
white man i'll one talon and nigger in
the tother, and from his bill, stream
er several yards long, on which shall
float in beautiffy kuss glory the words:
"Liberty and Slavery, one and insep-
cradle, now and forever, and our ca
gle unsplit until Douglas is elected
President" . - .-
am considerably exhausted. after
the above effort at union savin, but /
don't keere. I know no North, no
South, no South, no East, no West. no
Nothing. Fanattysism is on the in
crease IN WISCONSIN, and [ must rush
to the defence of my kountry. Black
Republikanism IS ram pant there, and
squatter soverinty the under dog in
the fte, yet | hev the most abidin
faith. In the language of Ike Cook, of
Chicago,
"Truth esquashed to earth
! Will get up az in
You kant keep her. down.
Your State is no longer free and
independent State, for. aberlitienism is
in the assendent, and "biled owP' the
principle vittels Of your people. A
man has no freedom to regcrlate his
own private konserns. Mrs. Pluggins
being rather poorly from her many
responsibilities, got youn 9 woman
to hel p about Ethe house. NV black
republykin neighbors imegia tel y inter
fered. They would not allow me to
regulate my domestic relations; and
when the sheriff kommenced pryin in
0 my affairs, | was disgusted and left.
made up my mind to 60 South, where
free and independent people run
their domestic masheen as they are a
mind to.
Film my pockets and carpet bag
with doughnuts in case of war, i start
ed. AS | krossed the line, / remem-
bered how Larabec did with Or.
Douseman, and squared off for al al
mighty tussel with disunion, but on
putin my hands into my carpet bag
for my munitions, | found that my
kakes had all turned to dough-! Kun
to find out, a big nigger wench had
rid on 'em all thessway from Milwalkey
to the Missouri Kompromise. How
Southern influences and impressions
give southern ass peckt teu things so
susceptible as dough! I spect Mr..
l.arabee must hev let nigger wench
sit on his vittils, when he was goin
South, fur they were all dough when
he got ten Washington.
While sittin straddle of the line be-
tween the North and the South, I had
spasm of patriotic emotions which
lasted several minutes. Juml in to my
feet, | swore that the thing should new
er split in teu. [ would sit straddle of
the line until I could have some clamps
made, or get~a log chain to take roll
ing hitch On the konsern. After had
sat their until my doughnuts had about
give out, who should | see but a fine
| looking old gentleman kummin over
the hill, with a bundle of newspapers
under his arms. When he had got
up to where was sittin, I said to
him: ..... ...
"Good mornin, stranger" sez /.
''Good mornin," sez he.
"a right smart chance of good
day, this,'' sez /.
"A beautiful waif on the tide" sez
he.
Il don't know what you mean by
waif," sez I, sFbut I kin understand |
what it is teu be tied to this ere Union,''
sez l. --.. -.
"Union!, UNIoN!! UNION!!m
yelled the old man, as his eyes shined |
like balls of fire, and THROWN down
his bundle Of papers, he struk an atty
toode and kommenced to speak peace
about Washington and the Union, and |
he did it just as slick as greese, and |