The register. (Monroe, La.) 185?-1861, 1860-06-07
Humorous Scraps.

The latest Irish bull we read Of, Is orau Irish
gentleman, who, In order to raise tho wiud
whereby 10 relieve himself from pccuniury enl-
imrrnssnents. got his life insured for u large
amount, aud then drowned himself In river.
The minister's little boy. on being taken TO
church for the first time, became exhausted
when the sermon was about half through. and
pulling his mothers chin, cried uloud-"Mam-
ma, nuke papa say Amcn." ....ir
Angels, IN tho grave, will not question theo
as to the amount OF wealth thou hnst left he
hind thee; but what good deeds thou hast dOne
while In the world, 10 cn,itle thco 10 ~ scat
among tho blcst. .Dalt.
"You have destroyed my peace Of mind"
snid n despontling lover To tfuant lass. ~
cant do you much harm, John, Cor twas an
amazingly small piece you bud, my why"
t"You look like death ON the palc horse, !" said
Jim ~ u topper who was growing pnle nnd cmn-
ciatcd "Don't know about that" replied tho
topper, "but I'm death on pale brandy sling"
He who breads giving light to tho people is
like the man who builds u house without win
dows, for icar Of lightning. 0j
Tho eye of tho law has become so weak, for
thc want Of proper practice In tho courts, TINT
u is going to advertise for pupil.
| One OF the hroadcst hints to pop the question
whiel, II IL possible for young lady to give u
young gentleman, is 10 declare her intention Of
never marrying. o. -. H.
A villain generally plays The coward, MS II
be supposed that the bluckncss Of his heart
might be redeemed by the whitcncss Ot his
liver.
Did the man who plowcd the sen, and after
wards planted lis foot Oh Ills native SOIL evtr
harvest the crop?
| Some people use ono half their integrity TO
20. into debt and tho other half to avoid pay
ing it,
Pence Is the evening stur of the soul, M vir-
tue is its sun, aud tho two are never apart.
Somebody says that the best why TO keep
food on an empty stomach, Is not to cut my VI
ull. .....r
II you would not have aniiclon visit you
twice, listen Ut once to what IL tcuchcs.
An Irishman being recently on trial for sornu
offence, pleaded moi guilty;h and the Jury bc-
ing in the box, the State Solicitor. proceeded to
call Mr.. Fnrkisson as witness. With the ut
most innocence Patrick turned his face to the
court and said ado | understand, yer honor,
that Mr.. Furkisson Is TO be witness forcnenst
me again ;" The Judge suid driIy, sit seems
no." "Wcli thin, yer honor, plade guilty.
Sure, an yGr lIonUr plnsc, not because dm
guilty, for am US innocent ns yer honor'r snck-
ing bnbc, but jist on account OF saving Mis,hcr
Fnrkisson's sout."
A negro preacher, who like some other
preachers, was In thel,abit Of using big words,
but did not always succeed In getting hold OF
the right one made Il funny mistake once. Ills
text was, "Broud is the road that lcadeth to
death and many there he who go there; but
} narrow Is the way that lcadnth To life and few
there bc who take it, Said he: Beloved
bruddcrs! thar be two roads ob 'em; thur : 0ne
, road and dat am dc broad road, and dat leads
right down to damnalon and crate many
goes In It.; but dar am anuddcr road, and dat
am de nnrrar road, dat leads straight up III
pe,dition." 'If dnt's the ease" said an excited
colorcd brother in the congregation, dis nigga
cuts for de woods"
A pious Irishmar,, not long since, in exhort-
Il ing q meeting. let MS remarks take an analOg-
;. ical turn. me beloved frinds," said Pat, ''al
!. cannot be parts Of the same building. Somu
have to be posts, some rufters, &c; and, Inc
trinds If there were not already too many sla-
! pers IN this house, would be willin' 10 be u
slupcr (sleepcr) mcselE"
A Wisconsin paper, after describing fnrn
. which the advertiser wants to sell, adds 9Th.
!, surrounding country is the most beautiful III,
' God of nature ever made. The scenery il ce
lcstial--divinc Also, two Wagons ~ sell, atd
"a yoke Of steers"
A The young lady who was "iost in thought
!. has been found. She was hugging al idea--i
q looked like man.