Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-11-17
$3.50 A YEAR.
Fact; Fancy ind Fun.

"A fine coat may cover fool, but
never conceals one
How to become real estate agent
marry q rich wife.
1t is quite natural that when wo-
man reigns she should storm. .,
With the exception of Queen Iss-
bellaj no Bourbon now reigns in Eu-
rope:
If tree was to break window
what would the window say? Tree
mend-ous. -.
An English manufscterer Invites
the public to come snd SEQ his isuisi5s
wire fences.
Why is venison generally more
costly than other meat? Because it is
always der. A..
If a nut could speak, what would
it say? H.:
Give Us none of your iaeo.
The reason why many people know
comparatively nothing is, that they can
never bear to be told anything.
Why is pig in a parlor like
house on fire?
The sooner it is put out the better.
1t is our opinion that the most ro-
luctant slave to vice that we ever saw,
was poor fellow that had his fingers
in one.
-"Pa, amt I growing tall >"
"Why, what's your hight, SONNY" ?"
"Seven feet, lacking yard -
Pa tainted.
Why is the last article of malt IL
quor like the last song of concert pro-
gramme?
1t is the tine ole.
"A chap who went to California
poor, and subsequently became very
rich, is said to be 80 extravagant that
he skates on ice-cream.
There is man III Grand Rapids
who walks so slow that he has to wear
a pair Of spurs to keep his own shadow
from treading on his heels.
- There is something expressiBly
sweet about little girls.-Ec.
And it grows on 'em as they get big
ger. There now !-Louisyilk Jour.
Somebody says the pretties5 trim
ming for a woman's bonnet is good
humored face.
"Right, about face" we should say.
Dr.. Franklin says that 'seyery little
fragment Of the day shonld be saved"
Oh, yes, the moment the day breaks,
set yourselves at once to saving the
pieces.
We absolve a man from gratitude
to us .when we remind him of ia
vor; the obligation becomes from that
moment simply a debt--to be paid off
as soon as possible.
There is m:n down East who,
when he is desirotis to know what he
is to Eave for dinner, goes to his Beigh-
boris wife, and is always sure Of getting
correct information.
TO be idle and to be poor have al
ways been reproaches; therefore, eve
ry man endeavors with the utmost care
to hide his poverty from others, and
his idleness from himself.
"DouBLH OR Ours ."-fI'll fog you
for an hour. you little villain:''
''father," said the incorrigible lad,
balancing penny on his finger, 'I'll
toss you to make it two hours OF moth
ing"
We have heard a woman of the
world say that ''the state of widow
hood is inconvenient, for one must as
sume all the modesty Of young girl,
without being able to feigu her igno-
rance"
If girl thinks moro Of her heels
than of her head, depend upon it, she
will never amount to much. Brains
that lie in the shoes never get m,,cs
above them. This will apply as well
to the masculine as the feminine geu-
der.
4 Nrw HAMPSHIRE EPITAPH-A
correspondent of the Journal sends to
that paper the following epitaph, which
he says he found on tombstone III
Oxford, n. H:
''To all my friends / bid adieu. =,
more sudden death you never, knew:
As was leading the old mare to drink,
She kick'd and kilrd me quicker'n wink"
1t is said that the ratio Of mar
rlases in any country depends upon
the fruitfulness Of the earth. A good
crop Of corn, wheat and potatoes, is al
ways followed BY a good crop of we'd
dings. The more bread the more ba-
bies. Thus Ceres is the fast friend of
Hymen. Accordingly, look out about
these days for plenty Of marriages.