Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1860-06-18
RPply tn Widow

Mr.. EDITOR The Star Of June 1Ith pub.
fishes the views of a Widow" on who iady
should, or should not marry, and invites crit.
clsns. As wars and rumors of wars are nj.
ways attractive reading, perhaps after the
war among the roses, a war among the widows
may not prove unattractive
iady may marry gentleman of any rea-
sonaDle age, be 1t younger or older than her
self-it is the want Of discretion in selecting a
sympathetic disposition with your own. MANY
men are as old and settled in habits at thirty-
nVe, as others are at ffty-fve. A sedate,
q9let, s'udy-loVlng, home-stsying, sober mind
ed man cannot make a congenial life compap-
ion for any woman wholly given up TO volatile
pleasures, or the mere evanesence of life. II
Is agreeable, perhaps to meet and pass an
evening together, but there the harmony ends.
1t is compromise between her exuberapce
and his studiOusness, and for the time each
deems the other quite pleasant person. But
1t IS only compromise, il goes so far and can
not be extended further.
A refined gentleman will lore the comnar-
ION OF his choice, if she possess the requisites
to please, and will forget her years, in know
ing and estimating her imperishable virtues
Too often, after marriage, ladies make witcbe $
OF themselves, and lock up the fascination
that won the husband for them, or keen them
as poor toik may as holiday clothes, to reveI
abroad IN hopes Of being seen as well as see.
ing 1t is want Of self-esteem-we should
study TO be always agreeable, let il be ever %
dl1hcult; even If we fail still strive the snirit
will fall upon US after a while.
Married life is profound study, and shouId
not be entered into lightly or unsdvisedly, n
we eonhne ourselves exclusively TO the IaIU
aho gentleman OF the present day, a lad v
should not marry a poor Dsaa-a fbi0o he
cannot be, for he is made in the image Of his
Maker, to be the ruler Of a house. or "a the
term hOHSe-6dhG, from which husband has
Deen taken. But many marry Door. we can.
not wander Tar from our own iresides ere we
can find, since happy union, the beggar has
become banker, and many where the patri.
clan Is forgotten in the peasant MANY who
were united IN shanty, now grace a splendid
even if you be rich yourself y 1 saw why mot
a refined man can always be relied upon. A
man loses great deal when he fails 10 marry
truly refined woman.
The poorest match a lady can make il IN
marry the son Of rich man" 1t depepd,
entirely upon what kind of a man the rich
man son is Modern education has done its
pest 10 plde the man with his fathers gold:
Dut we md most noble exceptions eyerywbere
You need not marry one, unless he possess in.
trlnsic merits OF his oLH. We should endeayor
10 make ourselves perfect before we exsct
perfection. To make yourself copgeniaI nae.
fui, and honorable, goes n great way in sitting
the lndiseretions and gliding the excellencies
that exist in the weli-selected coniugal rela-
tions 30 full of deception is this fair world
that am aware how difficult il is 10 choose
the qualifications we desire. bigb. .bred
fashionable, minded, cheerful, society.
loving man should not marry an ill-bred, un-
stylish, home-staying, stupid cheerIess fe
male. Had she the youth, beauty and wealth
OF his whole circle Of friends, be. in less time
.nan tne honeymoon wsnes, would find in hi:
breast the thorn, but not the rose, the petals
all fallen, the honey and odor all gone We
must not look for uninterrupted bliss in any
station here. But life studied and doye-tailed
together in the true sense, forms a pretty little
cabinet for human love, for coniugaI bliss
Exaggeration in living, or contraction. cspno,
conduce 70 the pleasures of existence. Mod.
Grafton In all things. If you are wealthy
live as wealthy people should-if in moderate
circumstances, hive accordingly-if poor, live
poorly. Ii too poor to live, why exist upon
the kind hearts, gentle hands. and svmns.
thetic tears Of those who saw YOU vedded In If.
huence, checked by misfortune, reduced by
treachery, and beggared by trickery. But new.
or change your sympathetic love, your affes.
tionate earesses, your genial social intercourse
A widower may find himself more congo.
nially welded to his second than to his frsi
wife, but II Is not that his arrival at thirty ye
years OF age makes him better husband. he
life, or experience may have taught him 10
deal gently with foibles in his second love,
Age has but just the same influence upon the
marriage state that any other incident could
distinctly and apart. A combination of char,
acteristics must form one harmonious whole 10
make married life blissful If a man is old
and yet possesses endearing fascinations, do
not let his age reject him. If man be young.
or exactly Of the right age, according to the
widows notion, and yet is minus the true
characteristics of an honest and honorable
hearted gentleman, he cannot make home
happy, even if he could find you q home.
though 1 approve Of early marriage, with
atseTeftoH, l think ladies may and do marry
very happily, after twenty-five, thirty five,
aod even older. In this, our own city, and in
our own circle, how many could we call upon
70 testify TO my assertion. Marriage ministers
70 every enjoyment In this world. Yet as un.
signuy OBJECTS as bears are, you should chain
one at the front, and the other At the hack
door, and you will soon End to bear and 10
forbedr keeps house quiet and oomfortsble,
and loring home is far better than oiLds1
AoEss; Sold is good everywhere: Il is the
god Of many. Poyerty-dread novcrtv@I
speak from experience-pinches nsxt 10 sin.
yet msrried or single, its grip is never tiebt'
eDed or loo ei Perhaps it is more endn rs his
united with sympathetic heart =
10 Hrr 4 &