Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-05-05
Jones alias Tompkins.

fellows IS were ever let loose from col
Iege. It was "vacation'' and we con-
Guided to take 4 tri p TO the Falls. We
got upon the cars at N, and we were
soon travelling very rapidly towards
our destination.
We had just seated ourselves, and
prepared for comfortable smoke,
when iii came the conductor, and who
shonld it be but Our friend Fred. b.
After the common alutations-"how
are you, old fellow" etc, had passed
Fred said he some business for us to
attend to.
"Out with it, old chum," said we :;
anything will be acceptable, SO let us
have it,
"lVell, boys" sail Fred, in a very
+: confidential tone, sin that next car
there is as loving n pair ay it ever was
! my lot to see. They are going down
to il to get married, and now
il yog can have any fun over it, inst
! pitch in. They must be cared for, aud
don't know who can do Il better than
yon.'
In = moment Fred WAS gone, and we
set Our heads together to form a plan
for stalking care OF the lovers"
Il have it, boys" said BIZ Sewers
''we must make that girl think that her
! lover is married."
'Ihat's it, Biil--that's it, said we.
not giving time to finish the sentence.
''Ihat he Is a married man and the
father of children" said Bill
"That's the game boys; and now let
lis play it,''
1t devclved upon me to commence
operations Accordingly, | entered
the car in which we were informed the
lovers were. Sure enough, there they
were, set in real lovers style.
All this l gathered at glance
! Stepping up to them I said
"NVhy Jones, what in the deuce are
you doing with this gir?''
"Soe here, stranger" said the fellow,
''yoH are q mite mistaken my name
amt ,Tones."
"Why Jones," said I, ''you certainly
have not left your wife and children,
and tried to palm yourself off for a sin
gle man; have you?"
Il tell yoH my name ain't Jones; it's
Tompkins; it never was Jones; faint
g"in' to be, nnther'
merely shook my head, and passed
on to another seat. to see the rest Of
the fun. The girl looked wild, but
Jones, alias Tom}'kins, soon convinced
her that | was mistaken.
! About the time they cot to +; cling
! right vel! again, in comes Elliott Gregg.
! Walking up to Tompkins he accosted
! him with
'...Tfy Jones, you here? How did
yop leave your wife and babies %
Now, see here stranger. YOU amt
the first man that's called he Jones to
! day, an reckon must look awfulIy
! like him but ain't Jones, and more
/ than that, you muSn't call me JONES'
}lain't got wife nor babies neither;
bit this 'erc gal an me are goin' to
splice, am :hen YOU can talk about my
wife. and * wouldn't wonder but what,
III Tire course Of time, you might talk
about babies, too; bat you mustn't cali
me Jones'"
This reto:t brought forth vociferous
laughter from the spectators, and it al
50 brought bushes to the face Of the
':-al that was goin' to be spliced."
"Ah, JONES' said Gregg, "you will
regret this in future. [ pity your wife
and children, and this poor girl"
$50, fIr. Tompllins, your real name
is Jones, and you've been foolin' me,
have you? Well, we amt spliced
vet; an don't thinl, we Will be very
soon," said the girl, and her eye fash
ed fire.
'Jane, Jane" said TompI<ins, Ssdon't
Won know I'm Bill Tompkins? Thar
amt darned drop OF Jones blood in
ne, an I'll prove it,"
At this moment, Jeff. Jackson, Bill
! Davis and Sim Bycrs entered, and Of
course their attention was called to
Tompkins, by his loud talking. They
stepped up to him, and said /:
why, Jones, what is all this fuss
about %
This was more than 1'onpkins could
stand. He leaped upon seat, and said:
| Now" said he, cray name amt
Jones, and I can lick the feller that
says it is.''
By this time we had got to H,
and our friend Fred came into the car
and made TompkinS keep quiet. The
girl that woaldn't be 'Espliced' request
ed Fred to help her on the train that
was going back to N, which he
did, and the notorious Jones, alias
/ TOm,ki1Ys- followed her. We learned
. afterwards that he proved himself to be
Bill Torupkins instead of Bill Jones,
and he and his Jane ''got spliced."