Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-05-12
$3.50 a YEAR.
Fact, Fancy aud Fun.

-Contentmcnt is 4 priceless jewel.
More are drowned in the wine-cup
than in the ocean.
Why is Troy weight like thief
Because 1t has no scruples.
Why is promise like wine? Be-
cause it improves by being kept
Why is an island like the letter ,T2
Because it IS III the middle of water.
Why is killing Bees like a confcs-
sion? Because you unbuzz' um. oh,
my
What word may be pronounced
quicker by adding syllable to it,
Quick.
He who buys too many superflui-
ties, may be obliged to sell his neces-
saries.
Why is spendthrift's purse like
thunder-cIoud? Because it is continu-
ally lightning.
If you think it an easy matter to
square the circle, just go and settle vonr
Wite's bill for hoops.
Strength and activity are of little
value without good sense to preside
over their operations.
What is that which is often bro't
to the table, always cut but never eat
en-? A pack Of cards.
a friend Of ours has dippcr with
which philanthropist lately bailed out
an unfortunate debtor.
PHYSICAL IMPoss1B11IrY.- Neither
Mexico nor our old friends the Siamese
twins can stand A-Ioan.
An cold soak'' down east accounts
for his perpetual thirst by the fact that
he was Wcaned on salt fish.
-Sucing newspaper editor for H.
bel is about as sensible as to boil a
brlck-bat to get lamp oil out of it.
Fast young men smoke a good
deal, tor 1t is the nature of a rake to
have quantity of weeds about it.
! thought you told me Dr., that
Smiths fever had gone off? 60 YES
but it and Smith went off together"
Why does the eye resemble q
schoolmaster IN the act Of fogginc p
Because he has a pupil under the lash
Why is conscience like the strap
on the inside Of an omnibus? Because
it is al inward check to the outward
man.
Got any ice at your end of the ia
bic, Bill ? 'tNo; but Pve got the next
thing to it." "What's that 80 "a Sc
vore cold'
Why are fowls the most economi-.
cal things farmers can keep! Because
for every grain Of corn they give
peck.
All men engaged in the wild and
fevcrish whirl Of business. mean to be
happy just as soon Is they can find the
leisure.
"A feiler down South was lately t.
ken with the fever and aeuc. The
ague soon left him for he was to law to
shake.
An old lady objected to giving her
son q collegiate education, after learn
ing that 'Profane History" was one Of
the studies.
DO not SOW q bushcl Of wheat,
without washing the oats and filth out
in brine. Dry it in lime and you will
have 10 smut.
There is family in Grand Rap
ids so lazy that it takes two to sneeze.
One to throw the head back, the other
to make the noise.
Little boy, why did people throw
stones at Stephen, Of whom we read in
the Scriptures? Cos, sir, l 'spose they
wanted to hit him.
The singing of kettle in one re
spect resembles the singing of a stage
singer. An attempt to oycrdo it will
be followed by a hiss.
"A soldier being asked if he met
with much hospitality in Ireland, repli-
ed that he was in the hospital nearly
al the time he was there.
A dandy who wanted the milk
passed to him, at hotel, thus asked
for it: "Landlady, please pass your
COW down this way" The landladv
thus retorted: Waiter, take this cow
down where the calf is bleating.''
Would you recommend healthy
young man Eow out Of employment, to
go into respectable liquor business 2
x. Y.
- Not while there is chance to steal
and get into s'respectable'' State Pris-
on Wisconsin Chief.