Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1860-12-27
aDit anu Namov.

A young beauty bcheld one evening
on n hill, two horses running of ct loco
motive speed with light wagon. As
they approached, she was horai6ed atTe-
cognizing in the occupants Of the vehi-
Gle two gentlemen of her acquaintance
Boys, "shc screamed in terror. Jump
out, guick-espccially George" 1t is
needless to say that her sentiments as to
George we're from that time forth no Sc
crat. ...
One ought to have dates at ones fin
gers ends, seeing they grow upon the
palm. -. s-> t--'
"Why, you rascal said DR.. Rad
clifTe, the great physician to pavior,
who dunned bim-"do you pretend to
be paid for such piece of work? Why,
you have spoiled my pavement. and then
covered it over with earth to hide your
bad work" Doctor" raid the pavior.
"mine is not tho only bad work the
earth hides" ''You dog, you" said Dr.
Radcliffe are wit. You must be
poor; come, come in, and you shall be
paid"
How TO OBTAIN CHRISTIAN HUsBAND.-
A Louiss sille paper has some answers
to correspondents. Here is sample:
Jenny, Ministers are not more addicted
to dissipation than men of other profess
sions. A few of the Kalloch type take
gin toddies and liberties with females,
but the great majority of them are as
good as lawyers and doctors. If you
want true Christian, marry an editor.
Mrs. PARTINGToS on BREoHINRIDaR.
Mrs P. sat some moments peering
over her spectacles, and broke the silence
after this wise:
'Izeke, my son. where is this Brock,
inridge,s Lane, that the newspapers say
Caleb Cushing and SO many moro are 60
ing TOT"
"Why, ma, it's kinder crooked bye
place, way down in ALLEY .Bamy -
laid out by one 'Mr. Nancey.' whors
fugitive politicians run slave codes
into the 'trrytorie s.
"Bless my soul I'm glad of it.Tve
always had a desperate hate of all to-
ries' they are just the kind that ought
to be pestered by niggers."
Patrons of sharp children are some.
times taken in. "Well, nv little man 4"
said friend of the family, to a young
stcr attending school, how do you get
on in your classf" "First-ratej Tm
next the head" "Good!" forking over
pcnny-"how many are there in your
class?" 1.-TWO; me and little girl"
A gentleman, passing across the play
ground of public school, was affronted
by the boys, and was advised to COM
plain to the principal, which he did thus:
II have been abused by some rascals
Of this place. and came to acquaint you
nf it, as | understand you are the prin-
cipal'
An Irishnan met brother Patlander,
who had. but day or two previous. ell
tered the matrimonial state, and accostcd
him with - ''Well, Patrick, faith an
sure. an hccrd ye'd got married; al
is it n thrue story they're afther tellin'
on yes this timer" :" Av coorsc it is.
Dennis" "Bc jabers! an who, in this
blisscd land o freedom, have ye made
happy-that is, who'd ye git married tor
"Och. blathcratlon, to me wife, to be
sure; dye s'posc I'd be afther marryib
innybody else's wife?"
WHAT Would Do.-IfI possessed the most
valuable things in the world. and was about
to will them away, the following would 10
my plan of distribution.
would give the world truth and friend
ship which are very scarce.
would give an additional portion Of trutl.
to lawyers, traders and merchants.
|, would give to physicians skill and learn
ing.
would give to printers their pay.
To gossiping women, good sense, lirgs
waists and natural compilations.