The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1860-12-29

Artemus Ward,
OK HIS Vls.r TO ARE LIycoLx.

Therei, hevin 10 politics, l made bold
to visit Old Abe al his humsted in Spring
field. found the old feller in his p.rler
surrounded by a perfeck swarm of orifce
seekers. Knowing he had been captine
Of phla: boat on the rearin Mississirpy
! thought d Sddress him in saiier lingo
so scz | '-Old Abe, shoyl Let ont y.,
main suls, reef hum the foreCast!e / throw
yer jib poop overheard Shiver ny TIM
bers, my hearty y. 3, This is einuine
mariner lsngwidge know, because I've
seen salor plays acted out by them New
y ork thester feliers Old Abe lool;t up
quite cross & sez Send in yer petition by
Il by. can't possibly look a, it now. Ia
deed, ] cant. It's 'onpoasible, sir r.
A. MI Linkinys~ho du yeou slssAt tAif 2
!. sed r
OrGceseeler, to be surs,' sed 10
Wall sir" sed I, "yous never more
mistaken in your lifr. Ycu hsint got a
orfce IA take under no circumstances
I'm 4. Ward Wax fggers is my p-rfesh-
| un. Ia the father Of Twins, and they
/ look Ike ue-jch Of Msm. cum to pay
! q friendly visit TO the Presidaat eleck OF
! tie United States If 80 tee you wants to
! see ..e say so-if not, .ay SO. ] m ori
/ Ike jug handle
". Ward at down ara s'ad to sea
you, SIR"
Eepose in ALralam's Buzzum sej
/ cns of the or'ic-se.kers hi. dee ben 10
. git ovf COAX At nay c;pen~e.
al. leL !. "ef all you teilers repo-e
/ n thai there Bulzunl tAsie Il he mighty
( po1g nu-sil FOL so,n- Of yoU ~heIeuron
( odd tba 5urtored his we-ki' clear pa an!
hll1sht Ike a n1sidinR of .veet Is Jc-t
a. this pint OF the conyef>aiion another
s'1uTIu Ct o.:ice se,!ieT7 a!Oys / cum gl.iu
/ illo the p..r.or. sum wanted pat c.Ercs,
.un wanted coilectorsbiI.s -um wanted
. tugr.u mission aud al ya.ted -ug!tiiu'.
. thought Ola a5e would 70 crazy lie
LadI. no6ran time 10 shake hands with
en-, Le.ore another treIl-ri.s crowd cum
ua5-.n into BE premises. III. Ael-a anA
dooryagI ~is now periec'y oyeE;in ct w.:!.
wita oT.IeE seekers. 81 claEeTJ!-- for q i'm
EIeit interview witb old -ttc B4s man
from Ohio who E-t tGoJ. seven inches <:
knru sr:l.-Esy INTO ann n3Atook 2e for
Dl3 4 he and -idTe~st me 20 the The
pca-haTrie PAlCur of the Vest Thinks
i.s. wat oil, putty JaI Another
u-zu 1ig. gold heicd cane .ad rcd
rc-e ,gii Old At- he We a seek.ni
Vas. 'u sjon I ttie pride o. tae oouua!s,-
West.
81 :. suzre, Won uo1,IAt AXE &
small go,toij- # you could gel It. "oail
your
So lie. a q.t,.: i sbuy lem .Asre
tA-Hg= .r.'
-ILeres patty h;g crop Of pstg..s
ibis season. .ir, there SIuAsry ser J.
sl:a.. sru,her c-s7- o. offs ecker pore;
IA Ib- house, door ward I ~eoi>hed
<ss nov Gil fail. a-i.t when 1raGsv cro.d
oaul ! l.li IN noJ - 20 -a-y ;c- want o.
IcG.,. - ;lc Aocr"u ws- til empty Dle
.strit from E s,n.i tom En- u chv1sn
~-at ~ oa -oD the hou-=. Go- .n.o the
chimney srd LID dIrn into The psilor
wasIe OF Al, nss -Ed-vsfln 10 .'tp tie
hungry pack Of 0ttis seekers iron c.sain
/ :lisn np Awe witha1. t-Iett {: cietgy.
ft g5p: a., J}sag fs agee4E-d rl .Ls Ire place he
+ yc..ri. Don't MAKE eny piItnaeuJ al the
@atnLy..ir py.t ct:is III you've read my
nsr.rs Al! tAe rasEsctfu. uasu III cur
: ~ IA i s,saeEs 10 tLat iI.ere dacyalens
; GOOD God criN! Gii Ate, JA-y
/ c;im By-s; ine from the sk7s-iovu ,ie
{ ,.h.iareNs. AID frc,n iAe L"-sr:s 81 t.:e
/ yesrth e. lie hsjnt nore Il got them
Sarti. oui - Ia. Del ,it iao4tL before ~ o
., sffi- see s.ets from NssCoU-ifl. a @naSv-
erin ~ crawl a:wc.r lis ,.gs Tor ti5e Vur
puss Of applying t"r the to:~.s:esa = r.
1!.w2wEy. up.ot tl:e President ~l--cE * ID
( Hs would he> gone sprawi!n IGto the tre
rlsC- e hsi5 cavt hin IN thc-e srr1s
. But ! hadn't more stood iI:n ;Il stTalte
before zsro,hcr man came cTsst.sH down
Zee chin,ncY bls head stTisjn me vi.eBi!y
..ia The Inards and prn.trs:in MY yolup
tooQs form onto the floor. Mr. L;NklB
shouted the iafatoo,s.d being, nay paper,
j. signed by e<cry clergyman II! or town.
aud lIkew i-s the .kCo.naster
Ser !, "you erreiis ass, getting up and
brushing the dust from nay eyes. 4
sign ycsr pa.e-s with this i,enrl o: bones
Il sor don Se iitIle kecriul bow you
make nv bread baskii 2 defot in the ia
tur How do you ike that air pcfilm
ery9 ser ! shuvinr my fist under his nuz
. That. the kind OF papers / Il give you
Them the papers Yo4 want
Bot | workt hard for the ticket;
tolled night and day The ps;rit should
DC rewarded!
Nirtoo,' sad /. bo!lin t~e ini4tooatcd
mar. by The kcst coi.er, vift"o, sir is IL
p own reward Look at me IL, did loot
, At r1e. aud gIiaiied bei !ny fzze.-" ii.'
2 fact j.. continued l1oi.in: round Vi OF
5 The hungry crowd. there's scs.ely ot!i
for every lie lamp carried round dufiH2
t!lis cain,aicne | Wis there wa.s. ! wIst
$ there vas iurrin missions TO lie filed or
various lonely Islands where eppyicmic
z rage insueceutly, aad il ] WAS i'll Old Abe
p place. i send every mothers :on Of 20,
: to then. What are you here fur?
I con;iuooed, warming Up considerable
: can't you give Abe a minits peace
4 Don YOU see he 5 worried most to death
I so home YOU miserable men. go home 1
: I'LL ,l.a s:sei Go 20 pcil.ia. ,in.are .
y 20 clIo, Iliu woed-so 20 Li!.nc -oaV-sttli
# sasssn .eTs-Llack boots-c.t & Gle. k-hi
6 On so,ne res, ,cctabfc manure cart:
y round as arici,lsl Swiss beii RnInfs-b'
! cum or e;nai nd onl. Campbell MIus;rai'
4 90 10 let;uriu. At 50 dollars @ nite-Iu
q bark III lie pcanu! bi1nes-v,ite for ii
: !A...er-fsw OF lou. legs nd 20 ro'.n'
e ,ivin concerts. with t.chin srpealk 20
charitable rub.ic, printed er ycsl hantlbi!i
. ANYTHING for hoNes. iivin hut don
)! cum round i.cie dIivin' Cd si-e crayy b
n y0ur ou;rSl:. cuttings up. 60 h,ai.
Il stand not Gpon the oder Of E"ip b,i; !:
n TO onct " IN FIVE minits from t:.i< time
q seq ], ,ri,iin out my new sixteen dulia
e hu,.tin cased wat.h aud hrandishin' il l.,
fore their eyes, il in FIVE mini,s fro,
n this time single sole Of you remains O
Il, these here premises, ] Il 60 out TO my ca.
i uca, by and let my Boy Con,trictol lose
10 and ii he s'ts among you, youn thin
II Old Solierino has cum Sym and no nj
II tsket' Iou orto hcv seen EN- scaippe
le Mr. Fair They run OFF as tho Satan Ia
d self wss after them with q red hct i-
N .ron s.d ,.i,chferk In FIVE m,ni,s tire pr
ii .es VA. clear
liow Kin ever repay Won, NJ. War
o! fo- ycur Kindness ? .ed o.i A:.e. atiy4
he cin' aud shakin me warmly ny tie han
d, How es, | ever IrTav ven, cir?
ei Ry giving the ~ncl. counirv 6 goo
sound administration. BY r"fs.n i.o Z
Id on tire tloutisd waters North and eouii
We By pursooin n patriotic, trn, and ~
), course and then if any STATE wants 20 :
n