The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1860-05-24
shakespeare Run Mad.

1eter hmSht was found wandering III
the Fourteenth Ward the other night
The officer could not determine whether
he was intoxicated or crazy, but, as he said |
he had no home, he was taken in charge |
as vagrant. He had been traversing the !
streets with folded arms, talking to him |
self in odd bits of plays and poems He |
possessed facility Of quotation equal to !
Richard Swiveller, Esq, but he was as
reckless about the exactitude of his ex-
tracts, and jurnbled up his authorities with
as much confusion as Captain Cutie him
self. He seldom gave quotation right,
but would break off in the middle and
substitute some words of his own, or dove
tail an irrelevant piece from some strange
author, or mix up half a dozen authors
with interpretations of his own, in an mex
tricable verbal tumble.
Clerk-What's your name?
Prisoner-Peter knight; am a native to
the marrow -bone-that's Shakespeare.
Clerk-Was you intoxicated yesterday?
/ Prisoner-'Tis true, it's pity; pity It's
/ there isn't devil of doubt Of it-thats
Scott.
Clerk-Where did you get your liquor?
! Prisoner-Where the bee sucks, there
sucks Peter Knight all day, Thou base,
! inglorious slave, think st thou | will reveal
the name of him who gave me wine? No
stree Bob-that's Beaumontand Fletcher
Officer, in whisper-lf you don't tell
you'll have to 90 to Jail.
Prisoner-I do remember an apothecary
and hereabout he dwelIs-no he don't, he
lives over in the Bowery in his needy
shop a Goldfish hangs, and on his shelves a
beggarly account of empty bottles; noting
this penury, to myself l said, if any man
did need a brandy punch, whose sale is
fifty dollars fine in Gotham, here lives a
caititf wretch who has probably got plenty
of it under the counter. Why should [
here conceal my fault? Wine ho. [ cried.
The call was answered. have no wine,
said he, but plenty of whis-. Silence
thou pernicious caitif, quoth [ ; thou in
visible spirit of wine, since we can get
thee by no other name, why let us call
thee gin and sugar. He brought the
Juice of cursed juniper in q phiai, and in
the porches of my throat did pour Udolpho
Wolfe's distillment Thus was l by a
Dutchman's hand at once dispatched-no
drunk nor sober, sent into this dirty Sta
ton House three-quarters tight, with all
my imperfcctiUns onmy head. The fellow 5
name My very soul rebels But whether
it is nobler in the mind to suffer the cuffs
and bruises of this bloody Dutchman or to
take arms against his red-haired highness
and by informing end him? | go and it
is done Villain, here's at thy heart =
His name, your Honor, is Bobblesnoffkin
in the Bowerv-that's Shakespeare mixed
Clerk--Have you got home?
Prsoner--My home is on the deep
deep sea-that's Plutarch's Lives.
Clcrk-How do you get your living.
Prisoner-Doubt thou thes stars are fire
doubt that the sun doth move doubt
truth to be liar, but never doubt thai
I'll get living while the oyster sloops
don't have but one watchman-that's Bill
ly S. again.
Clerk-Do you pay for your oysters
Prisoncr-Base is the slave that pays
the speed of thought is in my limbs-that
Byron. Clerk-dO you steal them anc
, then run away?
Prisoner-Ive told thee all, III tell NJ
more, though short the story be let M
, 90 back were | was before, and I'll ge
my living without troubling the Corpora
? ton that's Tom Moore, altered to sui
I circumstances.
Justice evidently at loss, in whis
per to mystifed clerk u think he's crazy
what do you think it's best to do wit
him.
f Prisoncr-(o -(overhearing)-Of with hi
\ head so much-that's Shakespeare cuI
tailed. Justice--Will you promise to dis
/ pense with the brandy and gin if you ar
Y discharged?
2 Prisoner-O, I could be happy witt
? either were 'tother dear charmer bottle
y up and the cork put in-that's Dibdln
with a Vengeance.
O Judge-What do you suppose will be
. come of you if you 90 on in this way, liy
: ing as you have done?
i Prisoner-Alas. poor Yorick Pete
: [ mean. Who knows where he will la
his bones? Few and short will the pray
f ers be said, nobodyll feel any sorrow
q but they'll cram him into his clay col
4 bed, and bury somebody on top Of hin
tomorrow the minister will come put o
,, his robe and read the service; the cho
= will sing a hymn earth to earth and du:
to gravel, and that'll be the last of Pete
Knight. Clerk-Peter we will have
send you up for ten days.
J. Prisoner-Fare the well. and if fl
il ever, all the better-that'e BYRON, revise