The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-07-25
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

= Perseverance is the surcst victor.
- Carefulness is the best health pro.
tector.
- What is most like horses shoe
A mares.
= Ho that thrusts in n lie, shall per
ish in truth.
- A terrible boro-the bore of the
Armstrong gun.
= 1t is less painful to learn in youth
than to be ignorant in age.
- Opportunities arc for eternity, but
opportunities are not TO eternity.
- A dentist at work in his vocation
always looks down IN tie mouth.
- Beer-brcwers must be very misera-
able men. They are ale.ing continually.
= In these DAYS Of crinolinc, the world
of fashion is truly "a wide, wide world y
- Two of the greatest fools in society
arc the money borrower and the money
lender.
- Laziness is like all old shoe--very
comfortable, but of no value to It's owner
or anybody else.
- If dull weather affects you, marry
a warm-hearted girl, and mako sunshine
for yourself.
= Why is every teacher of music nee
essarily a good teacher! Because he is
a sound instructor.
"A traveller says that Mount Vcsu-
vius never sleeps. 1t must be sleepy for
it is always yawning.
A grocer in a neighboring city says
that lady recently applied to him for a
pound of oblOng tea.
az really can't express my thanks,
as the boy said to the schoolmaster when
he gave him thrashng.
- Two men out West undertook 10
sec which would run the fastest. One
was a sheriff and the other was thief
- An, editor down South apologies
for delay in thc issue Of his paper, as
he had an extra male to attend to this
week. aaf
- A thief broke into grocer's ware,
house, and ON trial excused himself OIL the
plea that he merely went in there TO take
tea.
= A little child said to his father with
an earnest countennncc, /" know how to
fire the guns Of earth, but who is tall
enough to touch oil thunder?"
= An Irishman who had blistered bis
fingers by endeavoring TO draw on a paiI
of boots, exclaimed, {" believe / shall new
er get them on until have worn them a
day or two!'
= :" If a naughty girl would hurt you
you would forgive her Like a COOL Girl
wouldn't you?" asked teacher Of a lit
tic girl. ayes ma'am," replied the child,
"if | couldn't catch hcr!"
- Many persons have particular am
bition to seem exactly what they are not
We know rich man who bought splen-
did library, and signed the contract witt
his mark.
= Two brothers of the name of Rich
were lately married to two sisters by The
names of Wings, and have cmigrated-
thus showing that "rches take to them
selves wings and fly away"
- "The boy at the head of the clas
will state what were the Dark Ages o
the world 2" Boy hesitates. "Next--
Master Jones, can you tell me what th'
Dark Ages were" Z" l guess they wer,
tho ages before spcctacles were invented.
-" William, thee knows | never cal
anybody names; but, William, if The
Mayor of tho city were to come to me
and say, "Josiah, | want thee TO find tn,
biggest liar in all Philadelphia" woulc
come straight TO thee, and put my hanC
on thy shoulder, and say to thee: HiV
lam tie Mayor wantS TO see Hee."
BE CAREFUL WHOSE NAME YoU
SpEAK.-These exquisite lines arc worth!
Of being read and remembered by all. l
is the most delicate thing in the world L
speak ga lost ones name:"
40, never breathe lost ones namo
When those who loved that name are nigh
! 1t pours lava through the frame
| That chokcs the breast and fills they eye.
1t strains cord that yields too much
OF piercing anguish in the breath,
| And hands of mercy should not touch
| string made eloquent by DEATH"
How often do the thoughtless tear will
anguish the hearts Of mourncrs, by light
ly speaking of the dead, In these line
is lesson conveyed to them.
- A IIoosier girl stepped on boar
steamer lying at certain town on th
Ohio River, and bawled out, is the Cap
tain on boardW ~
The Captain, who was standing amonI
the crowd, responded, Yes, what d
you want of him9"
"Oh, nothing in particular, he's dis
tant relative Of mine, and Id like TO SC
him."
"A relation of yours!" inquired he
somewhat surprised.
Ies, n slight relation-he's the fatl