The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-09-22
THE UNIVERSAL GENIUS; AND Als IN
FERNAL MACHINE.

long, Sab sided Yankee, Who believes hin-
self destined to hs one OF the greatest, il
not the greatest inventors Of the age. liz
.corns 80 taks advantage Of others expert.
encs. md has . perfect contempt for scieo.
tific book knosIedge, believing that trns
creatures can only be achieved BY practical
experinent, and tracing cause and effect.
In pureuit Of bis msny affects, he has been
life-long martyr to the Cause Of science
times isnumerabie has been blown up and
blown down, burnt, scalded, cut and maim-
ed; and still, iaboring and s&esting, ex-
I haustipg his time and resources, be Away,
I believeD that be is about to perfect an in-
vention that will astonish the world and add
immenselv to the fame Of bis country's
genius. The folio wing is IN account Of his
earliest experiment in gunpowdef, - have
! il fronh bis own lips:
discovered in dad's shop piece OF brass
about he size ant shape of co6ee-pot,
with abole as big - dollar drilled in the
little ed and near through to the butt
What splendid opportunity to test the
explosive power Of gunpowder! ! was
pretty snre dad would want that piece OF
| brsss-but no matter. Science claimed it
| as he tribute, SOD iase. shs -l.sAes A.-.~A-
! After drilling a small priming- hole, cus .
deep thread on the inner edge Of its mouth,
and fitted solid brass screw plug thereto.
The internal machine was now ready, and
calculated some day soon to hear from II.
A pound of gunpowder and dad IN the
meeting house, vas all that waited for,
aud fortune favored me with both on the
following Sunday.
As | remarked before, feeling sdTtin that
dad would want that piece Of brass, took
the precaution to set it by the wood pile,
and by the aid Of crow bar, to roll about
cord of backlogs on it. Well, fred the
match, and ran around the corner OF the
barn. had to wait but . minute, and
then. oh, thunder mo, the tallest kind Of
thunder is no comparison; will not attempt
to describe the report Of the explosion, but
| will tell you some Of its effects. The
! wood pile was turned clean inside out, and
lay spread around hole in the ground,
like the spokes in hub, the smoke curling
up the hole, the sod was torn and scorched;
the old house settled on Its foundation sew
eral inches, and every pane of glass and a!l
the sashes had gone to smash. Why all natur
was ecnv ulsed for mile around, and as the
.eg erberation tore down through the valley,
the effect was terrific The fowls few
squawking to the barn-yards; the beasts of
the field ran hollering and anorting, and
kicking up dust like fun train Of ears
over sandy piece of road: little children
awoke, screaming from tn, ir slumbers, and
the oldest inhabitnnt threw up his hands in
wonder. -... ......
Well, it struck the meeting house broad
side on, (as we say in sailor parlance,) and
J L.. - -.
the choir emitting all the verses on that
| occasion. In u moment more the neishbors
pouring in from all directions; and as
looked down the street and saw all the meet
ing folks taring along, with dad leading OF,
felt rather shaky above the knee joints.
I felt that / could not, l must not,
tell q falsehood-und yet never before had
| been so fully impressed with the wisdom
of the saying that ''truth is not ut ali times
to be spoken" ..a
But something must be done, and that
quickly. Well, a big boulder had slipped
through the foundation Of the barn just
where stood by the concussion of that
explosion; so down ! stopped, and run my
arm and head through the hole as tight as
could and yelled "murder" three times,
and then, as heard the garden gate slam
and hasty footsteps approaching, l deemed
it expedeint to FAINT some; 80 kick ed out
nv legs twice and went of in swoon. 1t
proved to be Deacon C, who lives next
neishbor, who pulled me out; and, after
they threw bucket Of water in my face,
| Kind OF came to little, and was put to bed.
We !, the neighbors speculated and inves.
tigated pretty much all that afternoon, and
| finally they came TO the unanimous conclu-
sion that meteor had exploded from a
cloudless sky, and pronounced it the most
wonderful phenomenon OF nature! The
news spread-the morning papers enlarged
OMIT. The next night the State Historical
Society held special meeting and appointed
Professor -, Of Cambridge to come
down, gather the facts and make scientific
report =,
| The next day CAME and With it the Pro-
! fessor. lie looked as sagacious as Squire
Davis big mastitf watching u ground hog
burrow, as be put on his specs and took the
dimensions Of that hole. Next he examined
| Deacon B, who testified that
SIN consequence Of the biggest pig having
the measles, he had staid home from the
meeting that day; that he had just put a
poultce of hot ashes on his pigs throat, and
ter-an excellent remedy for the Measles -
SAID the deacon; when the Professor looked
indignant and said that be was not a hog
doctor, but had come to enlish,en his fellow
men on the causes in nature that had pro.
duced the wonderful effects We had witness.
! ed. , .. ..
"E.actiy said the deacon, and as true O.
| an mortal the deacon continued:
"As | SAID before, having Just returnes
from the hog pen, stood on the end stoor
that yod see yonder overlooking the valley
observing the landscape, when my eyes fe!
upon this here " wood pile, where seed younp
! Samuel sitting; the next moment seen q
bright fash. heard a tre-men- -di-ous report
saw the wood-pi'e ttrn clear inside out like
an umbrella 10 hurrycane, and tho nex'
instance dark substance through th,
air toward the barn; in a minute after when
arrived, | saw young Sam with head and
shoulders rammed so tight through the hole
! in the foundation Of the barn that almos,
sprained M wrist IN pulling him out by tht
legs"
| Here the deacon stopped for breath, and
wiped his brow with his hanJk crchief. The
! Professor raised his hands and exclaimed
"Wonderful ~ and all eyes were turned OF
me, on one that was about to do the cause
Of science some service and they knew il,
while all the while felt that genuine cIaI
Of thunder from cloudless sky would no
have more surprised me than the deacon,
story. The party now went to the barn and
each ran his head through the hole, and saw
the stone lying inside, about as large a. I
| corn-basket.
inexs testified that the day was clear, and
! observed nothing peculiar in the aspec
Of nature. That I was sitting 90 the wood
pile, that the next thing | knew didn'
know nothing. was commenddd for N,
brsvisy, and my modest manner gave 70 al
favorable impression Of my testimony.
The testimony being concluded, the Pro
fessor took long bean-polc, and runnip,
it down the hole, began to probe ssa doctor
would a woand, and then striking hare
substance, be stopped, and looking as m,