The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-08-01
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Adhesiyeness is a LARGO olomon,

- Odd-that rivers should be so full
just where they empty themselves.
- The minister who lost tho thread of
a discourse, has obtained fresh skein.
- The man who moved an amend
ment, injured his spine by the operation.
ART Exposition-A Hiuglish cock
ney telling his love to the lady o hadoros.
- To get up the " Conflict of Ages" !"
ask two rival beauties how old they are.
= The quickest way to make eyewa-
ter is to run your nose against n lamp
post.
- The drift of mans speech may
be easily asccrtainod when he falls into
the river.
- An Irish paper advertises, "Want-
ed an able-bodied man as washer-wo-
man.
ado you understand figures, boy ?"
" Oh, yes, | am always cutting a fine
one."
= What wind should a hungry sailor
wish for One that blows fowl and chops
about,
= To escape trouble from noisy chill
drcn-send them to your ncighbor's "vis-
iting."
- Why is an invalid cured by sea-
bathing like confined criminali Because
he is sea-cured.
y Why is the captain of n steamboat
coming into port like tobacconistG Be
cause he has to-Jack-her.
1t is rumored that celebrated
phrenologist has been invited TO examine
the "head of navigation"
- We suppose that there is quite as
large an amount of craft upon the land
rs there is upon tho water.
- "Pa, aint l growing tall9" "Why,
what's your height, sonnyw "Sevon
feet, lacking yard" Pa tainted.
= The woman who was buried in
grief" is now alive ard doing well. 1t
was case of premature interment.
= Why is bigoted ecclesiastic like
puppy9 Dye give it up9 Because he
cleayes pertinaciously to his dogma.
= A Yankee says that the poet, when
no alluded to the Monumental Bust"
evidently meant to imply tho "Crack of
Dome"
so much real estate on his hands, that
nothing short of soap and water can re-
lieve him.
= "Mr. Conductor" asked a railroad
passenger, are you running on time to-
dayT "No, sir; we are running for
cash."
- What is tho difference between n
running stream Of water and dog torn
in twol The one is current, and tho
other rent cur.
- An old negrcss in Alabama, says
she "don't know how old / is, but ! cook
ed for tho hands that dug up the Chata-
hoochoe ribor,"
- At printers festival, recently, the
following sentiment was offered: "Wo-
man-second only TO tho press in tho dis
of news"
When Tennessee girl is slyly kiss
cd, she puts on frown and says: "Put
that article right back, ,sir, where you stole
it FROM"
A reliable swell declares that he
lately danced one evening with three young
ladies, tho united circumference of whose
dresses amounted 10 one hundred yards.
= Three policemen and two surgeons
ran race on the first day of April, to
see the body of man who was reported
to have blown out lis brains with q from
bono.
=" "Why, Hans, you have tho most
feminine cast of countenance l ever have
seen." "Ob, yaw," replied Hans, "I
know dc reason for dat-mine modor was
q voomans."
- A cute Yankee, in Kansas, sells IL
quor in gun-barrel, instead of glass,
that ho may avoid the law; and make it
appear, beyond dispute, that he is selling
by the barrel.
= "What is tho meaning of backbi-
ter" asked parson at Sunday School
examination. This was q puzzle. 1t
went down the class until it came TO
simple urchin, who said: "Perhapsit be
a flea"
- Tom, during his last tour TO Mag
ara, in company with Smash, saw an In
dian hewing small piece of timber, with
a view to making canes. "Pray, sir"
said Smash, "to what tribe do you be-
lougp "The Chip-a-wap tribe," replied
the Indian, without looking up to give
his interrogation one smile.
- Gent" Is Mrs. M. in9"
Servant" No, sir, she's not at home.
Gent-"Well, l am sorry, as l owe
her some money, and have called TO nav