Delaware inquirer. (Wilmington, Del.) 1859-18??, 1860-03-31
Artemus ward Becomes the Happy
Eafher of Twins

form YOU that lu.e in a state Of great bliss
trust these lines wilifndyou enjoying thesame
hlessins. line reguvenaitd, I've found the
immortal waters Of youth, 80 to speak, X am
as timber and friaky as yer old stesr, aud
in the future them boys which see Ego up old
bawled head" to me, will do so at the Peril
of their hazard Individually. line powerful
happy Heaps of joy has descended Jpn me
to ouct feel like a lrsn new man. Some-
times arsh rnysely, sis it not dream 7"
suthin within myself see ait air." but when
look at them sweet little critters know It is
reality reallcritys ! may sa---& feels gay
There's cousderbnl human nature in man,
arter all.
/ returned from the Summer Campane with
my unparalleled show Of wax-works and Twin
wild beests Of pray, in the early part OF this
month The people of Baldwinsyille met me
cordully and immcjitly commsenst restn my
self with my family. The other night while !
was down TO the tavern tostin my shine ngin
the bar-room fire amusin the krowd with
snm Of my adventure, who should cum bare
headed L terrible excited but Bill Stokes, see,
seq lie, g Old Ward, there's great dcius up to
yaur house
See /, civilian, how so?''
seq he, Bust my gissurd, but its CRATE do
ins,n and then Re larfed as ii he'd kill himself
-Scz T. risin and putin on austeer look,
I
cents"
I But he kept ON lartin till he was black in the
face when he fell over onto the bunk wharf.-the
; hosier sleeps, and in a still small voice sedr
! Twinsl" sshurc w, gents, that the grass
/ didn't grow under my feet on my way home
! | was follered by an enthusiastic throng OF
/ my Teller sitersuns, who hurrard for Old ward
at the top of their voices. found the house
chuck full Of people. There was Mis- Square
baxter and her three grown-np darters, lawyer
/ Perkinses wife, TaperthJ Ripley, yung Ehen
parsuus. Doctor Jordin, eteettery, ctsettery.--
I Mis- Ward was in the west room, wich iines the
kichen. Mis- Square Baxter was miIin somthin
in q dipper before the kitchen fire, a small
! army Of female wimin were runin wildly reand
I the house with bottles Of canfire peaces OF
hannil, DC. never seed SIGH q hnbbub in ms
T material bora dsss. leould stay in the west
! room only mint, so starn up was my teelins,
so rusht ont and seased my bubble barril
/ guu.
woi on air,h sils the man n sen Taperthy
| Ripley. "Sakes alive, what sir IN dom z 4
she grabd me by the coat tales. "Wei's the
| matter with "a ~ she coutnered.
1 Irvine, marin, twins see I.
4 II known IT," sez she, Govern her face with
/ her sprun.
4 Wall seA |. "thats wots the mstter with
-Me!"
i wall, put dows that air gun, ron resky
old fool" scd she.
! mo msrm,' sea |, ''this is nashunsl day.
I The glory OF this here day issent confined TO
/ Balwinsvlle by burned site. On yonder
! woodshed,n sed t. DRAWN myself mp 10 my full
! hite and speskis in show actin voise, twill /
! Gre nashunal salootl" sayin wich tared N.Y.
self from her grasp rueht TO the top of the shed,
i where blszcd away until Square Barter's hir-
/ ed man and my aon Artemus Jnneyer cum and
[ took me down by uauc iorse.
4 Ou returning to the kitchen, found quite n
I 10, OF people scetcd be4 the FIRE, talkin the
event over. They made room for me 4 sot
| down.
! "Quito episode" said Doctor iordiu, litn
+, his pipe with a red-hot cole.
/ Yes scd !, 40 eppisodes waing about Is
I pounds Unity
/ "A perfect coop dc tat sed the skpomss-
! ter.
! 'Epluribrs uuum, In proprietor persony,n
| sod I, thihkin Ide let him know | understood
fura langwedges as we'll as he did, if ! wasn't
j a skoolniaster.
"lt's momentous event. sed yung Eben
! Parsuns, who has been . quarters to the Aka
deny.
II never heard twins called by that name
afore," SEE |, "but spose its all rite"
awe shall soon have Wards enuf,n sed the
editor of the Baldwinsyillc Bggle Of Liberty,
who Wac looking over bundle of exchange
papers in the corner, "to apply to the legisla-
ture for city charter
"Good for you, old MANI seq |, "give tina,
air conspicous place in the next Bugie."
"How redicklus,n sed purity Susan Fletcher
GOVERN her face with her knitting work Il a
latin like all posest."
aWall, for my part sed Jane Maria Pease-
ley, who is tho crossest old maid in the world
81 think you all act like pack of fools"
Sea |, "1iss Peaseley, air you PARENT"
Sea she, iSo, aintn
See !, "aiss Pesseley. you aeyer will be-
She left
We sot there talkin' and lsrfn until ntht
switchin' hour Of mite, when grave yards yawr
l. Costs troop 4th,' az old Bill SHAKESPEARE apt
lee observes in his dramy of John Sheppard
Esq, or the moral House Breaker, when vi
broke up and disbursed.
Mother children is a aoin we'll 4 as Res
, olushuns is the order of the day, will feel oh
legged If yule insert the follerin--
Whereas, two Episodes has happened up il
the understands house, which ia Twins; ant
whereas, like stile, sadie Twins helm Of III,
male perswashan L both boys; there4 Be il
, Resolved, that do most heartily thank En-
line No. No. IL, Who nnder the impreshuI
from the fuse at my hBnse on that haaspishn
+ mite, that there was konhagrashun go:n on
. 1
/ from squirtin.
Il Resolved, that from the bottom of my Sol
do thank the Baldwinsyil brass band 70
. given up the idee of Sarahnadin me, both oi
that great night and since.
Resolved that my thanks is doc too sevcrR
members Of the Baldwinsvill meetiu-bouse, VII,
for three dase hsin't kslled me a sinful skoffe
or entreeted me to amend my wicked wsse APT
line such meetin-house to onct.
Resolved, that my bussum teams with mani
cmoshuns lords the follerin individuals to whit
namelee-Miss Square Baxter, who generously
fefoosea to take sent for O bottle OF camiire
lawyer Pefkinses wife who writ sum verses OF
f the Eppisodes; tho Editor Of the Baldwiusvill'
: Bg9te Of Liberty, who nobly assisted me in wal
luppn my Kangaroo, which sagashus littl,
cues seriously disturbed the Eppisodes by ont
rains screschiRs and kickins up; Miss Hiram
Doolitte, who kindly furnisht sum kold vittei
AT iryin time when il wasn't konvenient tt
kook vittlcs AZ my house & the Peascleys
parsunses, and Watsunses, for their many q
Of kiAinrss.
TropIy Yures,
ARTEMuS WARD.