Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1860-08-01
From Chambers Journal
THE FICTITIOUS FUNERAL.


-
never liked my uncle's business, though
he took me when my father died. and brought
me IN as his own SON The good man had
no children. His wife was long dead, he had
an honest old woman for housekeeper, and
aflourishing business, in the undertaking line
to leave to somebody but he did not leave it
30 me, and I'll tell you the reason.
When had been about five years with
him, and had grown worth my salt, rs he
used to say, death occurred in our neigh
borhood, which caused greater lamentation
than any we had heard of since my appren-
ticeshp began. The deceased gentleman was
a Mr.. Elsworthy. The family had been
counted gentry in their day. | should have
said my uncle lived in York, and all the
world knows what Yorkshire families are.
Well, the Elsworthys were of good family,
and very proud of it, though they had lost
every acre of an old estate which had be-
lOnged to them time out of mind. ] am not
sure whether it was their grandlathers dice
and cock-fghting, or their fathers going
surety for a friend, who did something wrong
IN government office, that brought them to
this poor pass but there was no house in all
York where candles went further and tea
leaves were better used up. There was n
mother, two sisters, and a cousin who lived
with them. The mother WAS stately old
lady, never seen out of q black hrocade. The
sisters were not over young or handsome,
but they dressed as fine AS they could. The
cousin was counted one of the prettiest
women in Yorkshire, but she walked with a
crutch, having met with an accident in her
childhood. Master Charles was the only son,
and the youngest in the family; he was Il
tall, handsome, dashing young man, uneom-
monty polite, and great favoritc with the
ladies. 1t was said there were some red eyes
in the town when the story got wind that he
was going to be married to the Honorable
Miss Westbay. Her father was younger
brother to the Earl of Harrowgate, and had
seven girls besides her. without penny ior
one fthem but Miss Westbay was a beauty
and the wonder was that she had not got
married long ago, being nearly seven years
ont, dancing singing, and playing tp-toT
pieces at all the parties. Hali-l-dozen matches
had been talked of for her, but somehow they
broke down one after another. Her father
was rather impatient to see her off; so were
her sisters, poor things, and no wonder. fol-
grow up as they might, not one of them
would the old man suffer to come out till the
eldest was disposed OF, and at last there
seemed some thing like certainty of that
business. Young Mr.. ElswOrthy and she
struck up courtship. He was fascinated
isn't that the word ?-at an assiZe ball. paid
marked attentions at the bishops party, and
was believed to have popped the question n
picnic, after Lord Harrowgate, the larges
shareholder in the North Eastern Bank, go
him promoted from clerkship to be manager
It's true he was some years younger than
Miss Westbay, and people said there had beer
some thing between him and his pretty
cousin but lords niece with beauty, ac
complishments, and a serviceable connection
does not come in every young mans way
so the wedding-day was fixed for the LIST o
January; and all the milliners were bus,
with the brides bonnets and dresses.
twas Just month to come, and every bod
was talking of the match, when Mr.. Els
worthy fell sick. At first they said it was
cold; then il turned to braiG fever; at last
the doctor gave no hopes, and within the SAINT
week Mr.. EIsworthy died. The whole neigh
borhOOd was cast into mourning. promis
ing young man, in manner the only depend
ence of his family, newly promoted to
station of trust and influence, and on tn
eve ofmarriage, every body lamentcd his un
timely death, and sympathized with hi
bereaved relations, and his intended bride
| think my uncle lamented most Ofall. Non
ofhis customers, to my knowledge, ever go
so much of his sorrow. When he was sen
for in the way of business, it struck me tina
he stayed particularly long. The good ma
could talk of nothing but the grief of tn
fits, and the sisters tore their hair-how tn
cousin talked of wearing mourning all he
days-and how it was feared that Miss West
bay, who insisted on seeing him, would neve
recover her senses. The county papers CAV
expression to the public grief There wer
great many verses written about it. NOhOd
passed the house of mourning without sigl
or suitable remark. My uncle superintende
the making of the coffin, as had nevc
seen him do to any other; and when tn
workmen were gone home, he spent hours 4
night finishing it by himself
The funeral was to set out for the iamll
vault in the Minister church, at Beverly
about three o'clock in the afternoon. 1t wa
made a strictly private affair, though hundred
Of the townsmen would have testified the
respect for the dead by accompanying it a
the way. The members of the family in tw
mourning coaches, and the undertaker's mel
were alone allowed TO follow poor Ellsworth
to his last resting-place, and the coffin wa
not to be brought till the latest hour. NJ
uncle had got it finished to his mind, br
evidently did not wish me TO look at h
work He had long talk with Steele an
Stoneman, two of his most confidentii
assistants, in the workshop after hours, an
they went away looking remarkably clos
All was in train, aud the funeral to tax
place next day, when, coming down h
own stairs-they were rather steep and ma
row, for we lived in one of the old houses
York-my uncle slipped fell, and broke h
leg. thought he would have gone ma
when the doctor told him ho must not attemI
to move, or mind any business for weeks
come, and tried to pacify him by offeriu
TO conduct the funeral with The help
Steele and StOneman. Nothing wou
please the old man ! never saw him 80 {
out of temper before.
He swore at his bad luck, threw the pillo'
at his housekeeper, ordered me to bring hi
up the key of the workshop, and kept il "a
clutched in his hand. | sat up with him III
night. In couple of hours he grew ca
and sensible, but could not sleep, though /
house was all quiet, and the housekeep
snoring in the corner. Then he began
groan, as If there was some thing worse th
broken leg on his mind, and ''Tom," So
be, "haven't been always kind TO you n
hNo doubt of it, uncle said /.
"Well, Tom, | want you to do me a gr,
service-a particular service, Tom, and
never forget it to you. You know Mr.. E
worthy's funeral comes off tomorrow
three, and they're very high people"
~Never fear, uncle; I'll take care of il
well as IL you were there yourself
81 know you would, Toni know y
would. | could trust you with the hearsi
Of an earls cofdni and for managing NUT