Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1860-05-21

1t was plain that to comply with the request
would prove anything but a pleasure to her
however mach so it might prove to her
neceS.
But history of the delane skirt was what
julia had set her mind upon, since their recent
conversation first commenced, so she urged
her request more warmly, seconded by Fran
ces, until the aunt yielded, though evidently
with painful effort.
She said-"My dear girls, this story will
bring to Eight so many weak, if not wicked
points i'll my character, that l almost fear to
tell it you, lest it should destroy all your love
and respect for me. Notwithstanding that,
however," she continued, disregardng the
girls assurances that she need not fear 81 shall
nothing extenuate or hold back, but tell you
the whole truth; hoping, at least, that it may
warn you to avoid the vortex i'll which | was
so nearly wrecking myself
without Boosting, | think l may safely
say, that when | was young, l possessed
mental abilities and capacities inferior to
few, If any; although | was plain in
person and features. OF the latter having
so little of which to be proud, my whole de-
sires and ambitions rested upon and centered
in the former. My pride in these was tasten-
ed and strengthened by an injudicious system
of applause and commentator, to which l
was subjected until my self esteem came to be
my controlling organ, and for a time | scarce
made an effort for higher aim than to eillt
praise.
But thanks to some sparks of higher ma
ture which possessed gradually grew par
TALLY above this, though never entirely lost
that love of praise, which was then so strong
motive to action. Not only was this very
low motive to rule ones course in life, but an
other evil grew out of it. My craving TOR no.
tee and commentator became SO strong and
eXacting, that when | failed to receive it was
not only disappointed, but often offended.
Remember, girls, that self-esteem is well
enough under proper restraints, but beware of
it Tor Il master.
II heard myself called prodigy so much
that really thought myself one. OF course l
became conceted and very positive in my in.
tercourse with others. So much so, | think,
that however much my talents and abilities
might have been admired and respected, | was
not esteemed or loved.
And thus | grew up, l may say it to you,
really an uncommon smart girl" | knew it.
could not help saying, was superior to my
companions i'll intellectual requirements, and
| finally came to think that / not only knew
more than most people, but what was worse
for me- and far more mischievous, that my
opinion was ct more worth than that of Others
and my way of doing things, best.
Thus | fell into kind of sef-reliant in
dependent habit of life, until l finally could
scarce believe that had any need of another's
care or notice.
For young men l cared very little indeed,
as acquaintance with them soon showed me
some trait or defect Of character, which awak-
ened i'll me disgust, rather than respect.
But it was not to he always so. | saw your
uncle james. | knew from the first that he
possessed qualities superior to most young
men, and which | could not observe without
esteeming them. Whether he could see be-
You'd my selfish character something better in
me, know not, but he soon manifested an in
tcrcst in me, which finally rpened into love-
and which met with Il mutual return.
We were married, and we ought to have
been very happy We both had Il fund of in
tClectuaI wealth, upon which to draw for
pleasure. We both had some noble ideas of
the actual design and end of life at least my
husband had, and | might easily have learned
from him. We ought to have been above the
petty annoyanccs of lite, and so he would have
been, but alas /! my better nature was not
strong enough to sustain me, and | gravitated
heavily earthward. This was great grief to
my husband, as he failed to find in me that ex-
allied companonship in which he so much de
lighted.
SIiIl, he was patient and forgiving, and did
everything, even to the sacrifice OF his own
comfort, to improve me. Nor did he labor in
vain. was greatly improved by my connec-
ton with him, but rather in knowledge than in
wisdom"
mn