Southern shield., 1860-01-28

In the way of a .scoolness' that may be said to be fairly ssiced," we know of nothing more striking than the following passages of a letter from gentleman" to his tailor, in reply to an episte asking him for the amount of his 1 bll:"
 s'Mr. STITcHINGToN.-Is it indeed five years that I have graced your books?" How fleet IS life! It scarcely appeared to me as many months. Although I have never given you a note for the amount, how have the years passed l by! You will guess my meaning when assure | you that it Is theory of mine that the wings Of time are no other than two large notes duly drawn and accepted. With these he brings his three, or nine months into as many weeks. He is continually wasting his sand from his glass, drying the wet ink of promissory notes. But let me not moralize
 You want money you say, Mir Stitching ton. As am in the like predicament you are in capital condition to sympathize with me. You say you never recollect so bad q season as the present. Ofcourse not; no tailor ever did The present season is invariably the worst of the lot, no matter how bad the others may have been. It says much for the moral and physical strength of tailors to see them still lourishing on from worse to worse they really seem like ohurch-yard grass, to grow fat and rank upon decay.
 ''You touehingly observe that present profits do not pay for taking down the shutters My good sir, then why proceed at such a ruinous expense? In the name of prudence, why not keep them constantly up?
 "Yed say you never press gentleman.'- Now, in a familiar phrase, we pever press a lemon; but then we squeeze it most inexorably That men should go into bankruptcy, yet live and laugh afterward, is 8 great proof of the advancing philosophy of our times. A Roman tailor, incapable of meeting his debts, would heathen-like, have fallen upon his own needle or hung himself.....4.........
 "P. S.--My humanity suggests this advice to you: don't % to any law expenses, as your letter found he making up my schedule. An odd coincidence--I had just popped down your name as your letter arrived"
 0oUN.o~N~NN~N~~
 QUICK ON TRlGGER-"You will please ob- seryc," said old school-teaeher Lamweu. as he led us through his school the other day, "that the boys are required to observe the ut most attention to quietness as we'll as discip- ine.'
 We had at this moment arrived in front of several boys standing around er-bucket, and one had just charged his mouth with the contents of the cup, while the old gentleman was stooping over to recover his pen from the floor, when another, passing along behind, snapped his fingers quick under the drinkers ear, "nlcn caused nm on sudden to e3ect the contents of his mouth over the peda- gogue's bald pate. Standing upright, with his face and hair dripping, he shouted aloud
 "Who did that?" The party unanimously cried out, Jim Gum, sir
 "James Gum, what did you do that for?"
 Jim, appalled, at the mischief he had done lnuttered that it was not his fault-that Tom Owen snapped him.
 This changed the direction of old Lamwells wrath, and, shaking his cane portentously over young Owens head, he asked: "Did you snap Gum 2"
 The culprit trembling with fear, muttered "Yes, sir, snapped Gum, but didn't know that he was loaded!"