New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1860-05-30


will continue to haunt the distracted grocery,
bullying the timid and, with his amiable knie or
persuasive pistol, lending cruel zest to the Bac-
chanalian ceremonies by an occasional homicide.
The theory now considered, is that this pleasant
creature will remain always corresponding, in
the secluson of his study. But suppose be cannot
writer Or to adopt less violent presumption,
suppose he is too INDECENT to write That he VIII
be too indolent to draw upon the Treasury at sglt
without grace for his pay-that he cannot manage
with friendly assistance TO achieve draft Tor the
amount upon the distracted Cashier OF these
realms. we do not assert; but by this plan
he il TO give his reasons" in writing. IL is all
very well to talk Of reasons, but where is he to
get them1 And if, in his laundering and bewll-
derment, be should happen to stray from the ques-
ton, how is ne to be called to Ordcr' But argu-
ments-where ia be to find themi VIII he discuss
finance with his field hands, the LecomptOn ques-
ton with his wife, and the polygamy Of Utah with
his cook or chambermsid
Yet, admitting that the stay-at-home legls-
lator will not lack intelectand pen-and-ink
power. there are other objections to the
project. For, upon Q moderate computa-
ton, the "Secretary' OF Washington will receive
from twenty to twenty-five thousand letters daily,
all Of which he will be expected to read, to- classl-
fy, and to digest inwardly. Is it not clear that
under such an intolerable task the reading
faculty must soon break down? And If
it should do so for the shortest period
of time what, bideous heaps what bushels and
barrels of votes, motions, arguments, would accu-
mulate-not to be read by forty men of the strong
est eye-sigAt in forty years. In SAX months there
would be disappointing pyramid OF unopened
matter-a massive mountain of manuscript dOm-
mating over the very dome of the Capitol. In two
months there would be two mountains. In two
years there would be chains of paper promontories
oyerhanging the Potomac, and long ranges OF let
ters running from side to side of the District In
five years the inhabitants of Washington could no
more live thsre than they could live in Sahara.
The houses weald be full of letters and they would
lie neck deep ia the avenues. Far as the eye
reached, would extend one wild wilderness of
epstslary deposits; and the wretchea citizens ex-
cayating pathway to daylight through lodges of
correspondence. would seek some ignorant but
friendly shore as yet uncontaminated by ink and
uncursed by paper.
But there is still another consideration. Who
is to carry these tuns Of debate-these continents
of controversy Of course, whatever the ext
pency nobody would be heartless enough to i'm
pose upon the poor Pestmaster-General the task
of transportation. That unfortunate person is
already the pity of the nation. Out Ofmoney out of
credit, out of spirits, and out of temper, we have
always supposed, sooner or later, he would commit
suicide; and have always held ourselves ready to
defend the act against tbs mputation Of rashness.
But let this distracted functonary be called upon,
as by the new arrangement he would be, to fetch
to the capital so. much as single debate, and
you would have the Last straw, and the unlucky
camel, and the broken back Immediately. Their
would be q tragic scene in the department. A
Coroaer's Jury would sit there upon bursting mail
bags; and all the members of Congress would be
notified to exhibit their sorrow by suspending the
manufacture of manuscript for fortnight.
Our difficulties, however, are not yet all EMU
merated. Everybody knows what an incendiary
thing q mail bag is, and how much treason may be
packed within its little compass. Might not, then,
the aggrevsd denizens Of some hgh-tempered
ha inlet arrest the carrier of obnoxious eloquenGe,
and put the Previous Question in on eiectua way
by committing some dangerous resolution to the
flames 2 What could Mr.. p. M. G. do
then e? What could he do effectively we mean.
for that he would write nine long letters and that
the Assistant Postmaster General would write
nineteen, We do not mean to deny. But would
this restore from ashes to its wOnted fire the
violated speech of the honorable member
We have said nothing of another class of ebjec-
tons. As the half-drowned man observed when he
called for glass of hot brandy and water, perhaps
members will not care ito be didded ont of the
" sweets of their interesting situation" They
may naturally desire themselves to bring their
own goods to the great market overt of character,
and principle, and profession. In their political
studies they may miss the recreation and the slim
illus which now support them; and the choicest
flowers of their eloquence may wither in an atmos-
phere only little purer than that of Washington.
The charm of heady debate would be gone. Re-
tort would disappear; for how can retort with
snap in it be made by man who waits three
months for a prOvOcatiOn-if he might not, indeed,
be grossly nsulted without ever hearing of it at all
and who knows that bis sharpest sarcasm WILDE
three months longer reaching should it ever reach,
his antagonist? No; We are afraid that the plan
of Epistoary Legislation must be given up. But
will not some good-natured, ingenious person de-
wise another and different one
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MARRIAGE.