Civilian & telegraph., 1860-07-05
Bit Gah ajumur.

SMART WITEEse.-At a trial of tresspass
before one Of the ward magistrates of Rnch-
ester. long, loose jointeh canal hoy--whose
pants were two short at both ends, one tail
of bis coat torn of. and minus Of both sleeves,
was sworn as TO what he knew in the case
His evidence spread the eui t on the defsud-
ant rather too thick for the council. 81 the
latter commenced with brow-beatiug, con.
srqneEtial mir. lis cros.-exaniinatiun:
"Well SIR"
'My name an't Svr, no bow."
Boy. then"
"l'Gi M boy. nu.hCr,
"Is it lad, then?"
Not e2zackly."
Then wlat in tie thu.deI DO they cali
you?"
Ragged tailed BilI-Hoss."
"Well, Ragged tail Bill. Hora, what time
+ day was this you speak e."
Il don't know egzackly; about ten miles
after sunrise"
Il hope the court will oblige this witness
to answer NY questions"
o'"rt.-"BIl, explain to the gentleman
what you n,,an"
We'll had drove ten miles since sunrise,
and we go about two miles and q half an
our; let him find ii ont by his larning."
W nav 'NNiliSSS 'l'tS IlIHIHlltl lbilShf
ii don't know any sirh man."
"Nhat don't know what plaintiff means?"
ono, no more nor you knows what time of
lay ten miles after sunrise is"
The laugh began to be against the counsel
ut he frightened up, and made fight again.
"Nuw tell me, Bill, where all this happen
el?"
"lve told you once; on Loafsr Bridge"
"Who was there besides, the parties?"
"Oh whole parcel OF loqfers,"
"Weil, what were they dning?"
"Why, sposc toafering about"
so. ON LoaIer Bridge. whole parcel Of
InaIers were h'afering about. Is that all you
know about t?"
Here the witness stopped down to get his
amds in his pantaluons pockets, and looking
Ip said "Thnt um."
The laugh was again against the counsel;
ne pucketcd his papers and WAS non est.
Don't CARE IT Do.-In olien time be-
fore the Name law was invented, Wing kept
ne hotel mt Middle Granville, aud from lis
wrll stucked bar furnished sccommoda ions
cor both man and beast. He was good
iaudlUrd, but terribly deaf.
Fish the village painter, was also inflicted
III the same way.
One day they were sitting by Themselves
~ the bar loom. Wing was behiud the cuun-
or waiting for the next customer while Fish
vas lounging before the fire with q thirsty
took cGs,lug sheep eyes occasionally at Wings
Ie:eners and wishing III st devoutedly that
,one one would come in and treat.
A Traveller from the South, on his way to
Brandon, stepped in to inquire the distance.
,ruug up to the counter lie said:
Can you tell me. si., bow far ii 10 70
Brsudon2'
"Drauds?" said thc landlord, Jumping UP;
yes, sir, have sornc," NJ he same time hand.
,ns down Gecautcr oF tie precious liquid.
You misunderstood me," says the stranger
asked how far it was TO Brandon?
''lhey call it pretty good brandy said
Wing "Wiii you take sugar to it?' reach
jrg as lie spoke, fer the bowl. and the t0ddy
,tick
Tie di-pairinE traveller turned 70 Fish.
The undiord." said lie, appears to be
leaf, will you tell me how far it is to Bran
tul?"
Thank yor," said Fish, u don I care III
10 take 4 drink vita you'"
The stranger treated and fed
The following notice may lie seen or
shop ia Essex. mo horses
'hod On Sunday except sickness ana death.
An Irish Judge said, when addressing a
prisoner, "you are to be hanged, and | hope
will prove warning to you
4 woman's tongue, it is said never runs
lown but is now aud then ii-natured and
voluble enough TO run DOM almost everything
else
A Negro heing caught stealing from hen.
ruost, tx used himself l.y saying. Dat he
.nly came dar to see ii de chickens sleep wild
lar eyes open
Did the man who plowed the sea, after
wards planted his feet On his native soil ey-
# harvest tie crops2