Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1860-12-24
satiricaI sketch Of washington city
It's Wonders and IncOnsIstencies.

A SatiricaI Sketch of Washington City
It's Wonders and Inconsistencies.
The Atlantic Monthly for January has a
humorous and satirical article on Washing
ington, which closes in this wise;
The list of the unique prodigies of Wash
ington is without limit. But marvels heaped
together cease to be marvellous, and of all
places in the world a museum is the most
tiresome. So, amid the whirl and roar of
winter-life in Washington, when one has no
time to read, write, or think, and scarcely
time to eat, drink and sleep, when the days
fly like hours and the brain reels under the
excitement of theprOtracted debauch, life be-
comes an intolerable bore. Yet the place has
an intense fascination for those who suffer
most acutely from the tedium Vita, to which
every one is more or less prey; and men
and women who have lived in Washington
are seldom contented elsewhere. The moths
return to the flaming candle until they are
consumed,
In conclusion, it must be admitted that
Washington is the elysium of oddities, the
limbo of absurdities, an imbroglio of ludi-
crous anomalies. Planned on a scale of sur
passing grandeur its architectural execution
is almost contemplate. Blessed with the
name of the purest of men, it has the repu-
tation of Sodom. The seat of the law
making power, it is the center of violence
and disorder, which disturb the peace and
harmony of the whole Republic-the chosen
resort for duelling, clandestine marriages, and
the most stupendous thefts.
1t is city without commerce and with
out msnufactures; or, rather, its commerce
is illicit, and its manufacturers are newspa-
correspondents, who weave tissues of
fiction out of the warp of rumor and the
web of prevarication. The site of the
United States Treasury, it is the home of
every thing but affluence. Its public build
ings are splendid its private dwellings gen.
orally squalid. The houses are low, the
rents high; the streets are broad, the cross
ings narrow; the hacks are black, the horses
white; the squares are triangles, except that
of the Capitol, which is OVAL and the water
| is so soft that it is hard to drink it, even
with the admixture of alcohol.
! 1t has q monument that will never be
finished, a Capitol that is to have a dome, @
Scientific Institute which does nothing but
report the rise and fall of the thermometer
and two pieces of equestrian statuary which
it would be waste of time to criticise. Il
boasts streamlet digni6ed with the name
of the river Tiber, and this streamlet is o
the size and much the appearance of weir
in dirty mans arm. 1t has canal, bu
the canal is q mud-puddle during one hal
the day, and an empty ditch during tn,
other. n |9
In spite of the labors of the Smithsonian
Institute, it has no particular weather.
has the climates of all parts of the habitabl,
globe. 1t rains, halls, SHOWS, blows freeze
and melts in Washington, all in the space o
twenty-four hours. After a fortnight o
steG.IIy rain the sun shines out, and in hal
an hour the streets are filled with clouds Q
dust.
Property in Washington is exceedingl
sensitive, the people. alarmingiy Gallon:
The men are fine looking, the womei
homely. The latter have plain faces, bu
magnificent busts and graceful figures. Th
former have an imposing presence and al
empty pocket, a great name and a small
conscience. Notwithstanding all these i'm
pediments and disadvantages, Washington
is progressing rapidly. 1t is fast becoming
large city, but it must always remain a de
serted village in the summer. Its destiny i
that of the Union. 1t will be the creates
capital the world ever saw, or it will be
'parched place in the wilderness, salt
land and not inhabited and "every on
that passeth thereby shall be astonished anC
wag his head"