The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-12-05
"Uncle zeke" and the Town Clock.

Anty Clawson's Cellar, Is sixty.
MIsUM EDIMTUR OBJ DE PRESS -
In squintin' ober de las No. OBJ de
Beekin paper publecated in yure vii
laig, | discobered dar wus quite an ar
gufcation goin' on in regad to prof
eckted town clok. De rumpus pears
to. ME to hab originaed in de fust plas,
betwixt de Parlorment oh Crate Brit
tan an de Sity OBJ Bosom, in quense-
conse | inspect oh de sousin OBJ de tea
oberboard an has subsecomely, found
its way to yure plas for spinal disagree
ment. Habin' kept clam stand an
dun sum tall "tickin" in dat line, aldo
Use Inf de perfession an turned my
thoughts skyward, l tink dat Use pos
ted on de matter oh cloks, an will
looseidate my 'pinion by maxim few
remarks from de tex
''Time and tide waits for no man..
De fust ting take up for splanation,
an witch ken be found in de tex, am
de monstersyllable "1Eme Dis wurd
am salluded to in de Scripters, war it
says dar is time to dams an time
to sing, an may be hunted for sum-
whar tween de fust chapter oh Gener-
ations an de las chapter OBJ Resolu-
tions. But dis isn't de time dat Use
bout to looseidate. De kline oh time
dat Use bout to splainify may be found
in Webster Under de Bridge, second
Condition bound in Guilt, and meens
ode peck measure OBJ DURATION" or de
space 'twixt now and den For long
spell it wus found difcuilt toe ad, null
tiply, distract, divide or due by de rule
oh tree, dis yere time, an de foxes
kept de days of de weak, an de mont,
an de yeer, with a site an jac-knife ;
dey made small notches for de weak
days, a larg notch for Sdnda, a consid-
able notch for de day oh de mont, an
cut de site clar oph for de Fourf OH
July an Crismas. But at las, sum-
time tween de deth oh Julis Seizher
an de lection oh Old Abe, dar WIS
inginous pusson in de German Stats,
in Berks county, dat found
out dis CRATE secret 1t consisted oh
a hole passel OBJ whirleygigs an giggle-
mewigs witch war connexed to anoder
passed. oh crinkum- crankums, an desc
by a screwcumtwitchet to long gig
gamaree, wich swung BACKWARDS an
forwards, called a clam pedlar, an
tole de time to go to dinner by cOu-
pie OBJ hands, witch looked NJ more
like hands dan livery pole looks like
Anty Clawson's darnin' needil. But
it probed a CRATE blessin for fore de
OBJ dis time peas, de peepil
didn't no wen to go to dar meals, an
sum oh dem dat didn't eat awl de time,
cum neer starbin. 1t pears dat dis
man onle made two oh desc cloks, one
oh dem (de worse one) he sold to
Mrs. Victoria to put on de Parlor
ment House but she findin dat de
ting wuldent work, aldo she gable it
seberal doses oh oil, she had it takip
down an put on de chickin-coop to
keep de gobblers awake while de pull
lets snoozed. De ole clok dun good
execution dar, until Guy Hawkes.
bowed up de Parlorment house, ole
clok an all an de peepil dat seed
de time-piece maxim time across de
hills, sed dat de hands, own to dar
bein so larg, looked like couple oh
liberty poles runnin a race on de Ep-
som Downs. Dis was de las de Par
torment had to do with time, until
dar time wus beet at Bosom, in 1917
What is left oh de order clok, ken be
seen in de corner oh Anty Clawson's
cellar, she habin sold one OBJ de waits
for ole metal, used de hands for hop
poles, an de key OWN to its peculiar
shaip makes berry good crank for de
grind-stone.
Nextly, dar is de word "a,ad." Dis
word am called Conjuction. De use
oh dis wurd, 'cordin to Walker aldo
| tink he walks ava with de meanin
oh it's to connex period ; but cor
din to Uncle Zeke--dats me-its used
to connex too extremes dat is, wen
man writes all de wise tings he knows,
hes apt to put in dis ticker OBJ an
"and,n an write awl de foolish tings
he knows, and like LAMBERTvILLE,
VERITABLE-Ass, an oder asses dat
writes for de papers-Uncle Zeke in
cluded-keep goin on an goin on I'M
til dey hab notin to 60 on.
In confusion I state dat OWN TO &c
tide bein out, an de ao0ats bein two
weighty a subjec, will forego de lu
cydation OBJ desc pints till sum fotur
pyramid. In de meantime | advise
desc gemlin to take in dar ears and
take out dar pocket books, like sum
sensible folks hab dun, an de town
clok will cum from Bosom quicker IAN
a soft-shelled crab can dive to de bot
tom OBJ barrel oh saft soap.
UNCLE ZEKE.