Gazette and sentinel., 1860-01-07

Newspaper Collections.
WRITTEN U A NORTHERN NEWSPAPER, But
SUITED TO MOST MERIDIANS.

OCCu W u iillSl NOu Will III dCCDuill Vi
my labors and success. | have been
gone for three months, and assure you,
in all sincerity, that / am satisfied
You furnished me with a list of one hun
dred and seventeen owing subscribers,
as YOU will rccollect. have called up
on one hundred and four of them, and
have the honor of paying over to your
order three dollars and twelve and a
half cents, being the amount to which
you are entitled. | return you the list
numbered from ! to III, and now give
you the reply of each:
No. lis a minister. He says, in the
first place, he never got one half of the
numbers, aud in the next place, your jo-
ker's column was too scurrilCus. He
can't think of sustaining "a paper that
advertises horse races and gander pull
ings. Besides, he knows from the tone
of your editorials that you drink, and
paying you would only be the means of
ending your days in. the kennel. He
wonders at your impudence in sending
him the bill after publishing the account
of the great prize fight
No. 2-is in jail for debt. He had not
seen half a dollar for one year. Says
he would pay with the utmost cheerful
ness, if he only had the money, but he
had to borrow a shirt last Sunday. Ad-
mires your paper wonderfully, andhopes
you will still continue sendingit to him.
If you send any more papers, he hopes
that you will see that the postage is
paid.
No. sis ayoung doctor. Says your
paper is beneath the notice of a gentle
man. Wouldn't give ad--nfor a cart
load of them. Says you inserted an ar
ticle rejecting On the profession. Curses
your bill, and says you may collect it
the best way you can.
No. Ais an old maid. Says YOU are
always taking a fling atyoung ladies of
an uncertain age. Says she wouldn't
pay you if she was rolling in wealth, and
you hadn't enough to buy a crust of
bread. Sent back all the papers she
had, a month ago, and says that she
don't owe you any thing. Says she is
wen with you, and intends to keep so to
the last day of her life.
No. Sis a gambler sporting gen.
tleman at the ace Couldn't C
modate his grandmother with half a
dime if she was starving. Likes your
paper tolerable well; would like it bet
ter if you would publish more races, and
would occasionally give an account of a
chicken fight. Likes the description of
the prize fight amazingly; it redeemed
multitude of your faults. He is after
a rich greenhorn who arrived here last
week. Will pay our bill out Of the
pluckings.
No. lis an old drunkard. Hasn't
got anything, and n expects to have.
Gathered up All the papers that Ire had
and sold them for half a pint of rum to
the doggery keeper to wrap groceries in.
Wished you would send him a pile
Winked at me when / presented your
bill, and inquired if ] wast't a distant
relation to the man who butted the bull
off the bridge.
Mo- is a magistrate. Swore he
never owed you a cent, and told me | was
a low rascalGor trying to swindle in such
"a barcfaced manner. Advised me to
make tracks in a little or no time, or he
would get out "a warrant against me as
a common cheat, and have me sent to
prison. Took his advice.
No. Sis politician. Meant tohave
told you a year ago to stop his paper,
but forgot it. Tells you to do so now,
and thinks your are getting off very
cheaply in not losing any more by him.
Believes you to be a rascal, and is too
honorable to have anything to do with
you, as it might compromise him and
lnJure his prospects.
No. 9-paid up like aman |! The only
one. Likes your paper first rate, and
means TO take and pay for it as long as
you publish it or he lives. Asked me to
dinner and treated me like a king. An
oasis in the desert.
No. lois a merchant. Expects to
break shortly-must save all his small
change. Offered me a pair of brooches
and a cotton handkerchief for the debt
Refused him with scorn. Threatened to
break my head.
No. ii to l1f-Had no money,
wouldn't pay, said didn't owe.
have not succeeded a whit better
with the patrons of other publications,
of which am agent. have expended
two hundred and ten dollars travelling,
and my entire commission amount to
eight-two dollars and twenty-five cents.
The business don't exactly suit.
Please except my resignation from