The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-11-28
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
If you play with a fool at home he
will play with you abroad.


will play with you abroad.
= He who knows not when TO be ST.
lent knows not when to speak.
--"oh, that my father was seized
with remittent .fever~ sighed young
spendthrift at college. = 2.-2.
- Refrain from bitter words; there Is
only the difference of letter between
words and swords.
= Why is a blunt knife, partially
ground, like a young pickpocketl Be
cause il is little sharper.
Did you ever know chap so "scur-
vy-lookipg" that politician willnot shake
hands with him before clectionf
- Ignorance and conceit are two Of
the worst qualities to combat. 1t is easi-
er to dispute with statesman than a
blockhead
-" Where are You goingG :" asked one
little boy of another who had slipped and
fallen on the icy pavement. "Going to
get up" was the blunt reply.
- There are some deformities which
attract no particular attention, but man
born without feet must necessarily be a
notorious character.
- A fop who was about starting down
to New Orleans proposed 10 purchase a
life-preserver. 90, you'll not want it"
said the clerk of the boat, bags of wind
don't sink"
-" Sally" said fellow TO girl who
had red hair, "keep away from me, or
you'll set me on fire." "No danger of
that" replied the giIl, "you are to green
to burn"
- 1t is highly ridiculous not TO get
rid Of our own faults, which Is in our
power, and show adherence of, and be
so eager TO reform the frailtes of other
people, which is not in our power.
- A Yankee schoolmaster, named
Comstock, turned a drove Of cattle into
the corn field Of farmer in Dubuque,
Iowa, and during the confusion which
this act created in the family, ran away
with the farmers daughter and married
her. @
- A census taker once called upon the
mother of family in California, and
asked her how many children she had 7
The mother replied that she really could
not tell butthere was one thing of which
she was certain, "The measles got among
the children once, but there was not
enough Of the measles to 60 'roundF'
- At the time of the late meeting of
the American' Scientific Association, in
Rhode Island, the friends OF Rev. DR..
Wayland were surprised to read an &C
count in the papers that, after one of the
evening sessions, the doctor gave bill.
lard party" The types should have
made it brilliant party. q F..aa'..
- Before the introduction Of carpets,
to cover ihe floor with straw or rushes
was deemed so soneccssary point of cour-
tesy, that when not performed il was said
that the host "did not care a rush or a
straw for his guest-hence the origin Of
the expression SO common now.
- A Western editor who has been to
Washington, writes home" As we drove
from tho depot, n lady in the omnibus
espied the great unfinished dome of the
capitol--yhich dent look much like
dome at prescnt-and said, innoeeptly,
Il suppose those are the gas works p
. Yes, madam--for the nation replied a
passenger.
- AS the polite omnibus agent Of the
Lexington and Louisville Railroad was
going through the ladies' car, checking
baggage, he asked a very pretty young
lady if she had any baggage she wished
taken to the hotell She replied, "No,
sir" The agent then asked her if she
desired bus! She instantly gave him
a very sweet smile and replied, "No, sir,
| am not in bussing humor this eve
ming" The agent dropped his memo
randum hook, hastily retired TO the bag
gage car, and said he felt unwell.
- An exchange states tlat at the
breaking Of ground for the commence
ment of the Lynchburg and Tennessee
Railroad, at Lynchburg, a clergyman
slowly and solemnly read a manuscript
ptayer-at the conclusion Of which an old
negro man, who had been resting with
one foot on his spade and his arms on
the handle looking intently in the chap
lain's face, Strengthened himself up, and
remarked very audibly, "Well, l reckon
dat's dc fust time de Lords cher bin writ
10 on de subjcc OBJ railroads."
GooD.--Thers are many kinds Of
"good." To the trading community, any
man who can pay his debts is ''good." y
A moral person is undoubtedly ''good;"
but then, very immoral one is often es-
teemed .good fellow" With CONNER
cial people goodness consists in money
with the "hncy," in muscle. In short,
everywhere, and with all sorts Of folks,
/" good expresses simply what is much
liked or desired. A traveller on the coast
Of Africa, writes that a native said to
him, eyeing his. abundant apparel--of
which the neoro had next To none--"l on