Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1860-05-31

"Whatl hawl howi hawi howi haw,'
was the discordant sounds that rose from
the seat Of the sleepy individual.
a bland smile passed over the face Of
the Captain as he explained his meaning
to our verdant friend. He had no ticket,
but willingly paid the fare, and the train
sped on toward its destination. But
wonders did not cease here--presently
one pert newsboy, Billy, entered the car,
and stepping up to Jeems, he asked
Have San, sir?'
oval, If | have my way about it, the
fust one will be a son, satin" said Jceins
Lie blushed.
Don't count your chickens aforc they
are hatched," said Billy, as he fastened
on to the next car.
"ln due time the train stopped at the
big depot, in this city. Amid confusion
Of strange noise, and a Babel of discord
ant voices, our friends landed safe on the
platform.
"Buss, sab? Buss, sah?-frec for the
United States?" said the sable porter of
our uptown house. Lady, take buss,
sah2"
"Wall, 1 rather 'spose she won't from
anybody but me.--reckon I'm able to do
all in that line she wants, and more too"
Go to the Swan House, sah?---right
crost de street---best house in de city,
This way, sah,-any baggage?--have it
sent to your room in few minutes"
In short time James and his bride
found themselves in one of those comfort
able rooms on the second floor of that
well ordered establishment, the Swami
House. The baggage was sent up with
the usual promptness, and our friends
were soon making their toilet for dinner.
Jeems had his coat and hat off in a elly,
and Lies hair fell gracefully over her
shoulders.
That's n duccd purity torsel," said
Jeems eyeing the bell cord; wonder
what it's fur?" catching hold fit; "look
it works up there on a sort of thingum
bob. I'd like to have that torsel to put
on my horses head on next muster day;
see how it works." said he, giving it a
pull.
Presently the door opened, and the sa-
BILE face of one of Africa's sons was thrust
into the room, with the inquiry of Ring
sah?"
Ring! Ring what? you black ape!
Eff you don't quit looking at my wife,
and make yourself scace, I'll wrjng your
head off,
"Stop mint" said Lie What's
the name of the man that keeps this tav-
ern?"
"Mr. Conley, marm."
"Well, tell his lady that she needn't
go to any extra fxin's on our account,
for we're plain people," said the amiable
bride.
LAS they used to say in debatin' socie-
ty," interrupted Jeems, "I'll amend that
motion by sain' you can tell 'em to give
us the best they've got. Im able to pay
for it, and don't keer fur expenses"
Tee hee Tee hee! was the audible re-
sponse from the sable gent, as he hurried
down stairs.
Dinner came, and was dispatched with
relish. Jeems and his bride took stroll
over the city, seeing the lions and other
sights, until supper time, which being
over they retired to their room, The gas
was lit by the servant. who received
bright quarter for his services. Jeemes
vas the last in bed, and according to the
rule in such cases, had to put out the
light, which he did with one blast from
his lungs.
The noise in the street had died away,
and quiet reigned in the Swan House.
The young man on the watch dozed in
his chair, The clerk, (rather corpulent)
was about to retire, when he thought
he smelt gas. Some one came down
stairs and said he Smeh gas. The guests
(some of them) woke up and smeH gas.
Much against his will the clerk proceed
ed to find where the leak was. 1t seemed
stronger in the neighborhood Of the room
occupied by the bride and groom. Clerk
concluded to knock at the door of their
room.
"Who's there" came from inside.
"Open the door, the gas is escaping"
"Gas what gas?" said Jeems opening
the door
"Why, here in this room. How did
you put IL out!
"Blew it ont of course"
"You played HI. Our amiable
clerk came very near saying bad word,
but remembering that there was lady in
the case, or rather in the bed, he checked
his rising temper, and having lit the gas,
proceeded to show Jeems the mystery Of
its burning as follows:
"You see this little thing here? Well
when you want to put it out, you give it
a turn this way, and when you want to
make it lighter you give it turn this
way. Serious consequences might have
resulted il it had not been discovered
Now be careful next time"
"Much obliged. But how the devil
did know the darned stuff was escaping?
responded Jeems.
Didn't You smell it?" asked the clerk
"Pears to mo l did smell it,. says
Jeems.
"But Lie, I'll be daned ef | didn't
think it was you, kase | never slep with
a woman afore."
"Well Jeems, thought it was you that
smelt that way all the time. | was jest
wonderin' eff all men smelt that way. 1t
'peared strange, but then | don't know
nothin' about it," was the response OF
Lie, as she turned over for nap.
The red in our clerks face grew smil-
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