Red Wing sentinel. [volume] (Red Wing, M.T. [i.e. Minn.]) 1855-1861, 1860-09-19

'NESDAY. SEPTEMBER
- - - =. !, ....i..,.. ,..
church into All, indignant .commotiQn.
Members threatened to leave. },s "A
fierce discussion arose.: 'sIIe can't help
Iit!''l 'slle can't help it!'' Better wor-
ship God in the woods!'' were the cries
of various members; and finally, one
sultry day when the preacher himself
got vexcd, because bis pet sermon was
frequently interrupted, and threw out
hints that he could do. more good
preaching in the midst ola. cannonade
than in the presence of reckless snor-
ers and irreverent snsezers, Horatio, de.
spairing, mortified, and angry, became
a back-slider, and went ts church no
more a:lti".E u. !ozit@' @sa&tf.' st.j 4
g ut is not my fault. It is not my
noses fault. Heaven made my nose and
made it susceptible to the slightest tit
|i1lation: But alas! I fear that my snee-
ger will be the death of my. soul!''i lL.a
81 In time, the unfortunate man found
himself sneezed into unenviable noto-
riety. At concerts, theatres, iii the
streets, on Change, at market, he was
recognized and hooted at, with such
phrases and ephithets as .'Therc be is!''
"There he gocs again!'' "Old belchcr!''
!"Old blowcr!' "Old carthquake!''
cold stunner!' "Old nose-cannon!''
sold bomb-shell!' = And mock sncezes
indicated his whereabouts along. h,s
whole line Of march, till he began to
fear that he might yet be indicted as a
common disturbcr Of the public peace.
One day, ho thought himself in
spired with lucky idea, and applied
to physician, laying the whole state
OF the case before him, and affording
him several involuntary illustrations OF
it. The doctor was astonished and
confounded. ssf, sla 81 I 4 Vi
sit may be, remarkable influenza:
or extraordinary neuralgia; or an as
founding stage Of the delirfum tremene.
Do YOU ever drink hard?'' . ,l'.i -..a .aj
."Often tempted, but never do," r..
piled Horatio, with q mournful shake
Of the head. '.' ~"0
1T is an awful chremc case of some
kind" declared the doctor. .Neve1
heard of the like before. You'll have
to expirement. Ny advice is to 90 into
the country, where few people can
hear you. Country air is good for the
nerves. If You think your nesc is raw
isside, snuff up solution Of gum-ara
bic. 1t that don't do after a few weeks
trial, try the other tack, and see if you
cant toughen it by hot snuff, such a,
cayenne-pepper, powdered bayberry
or mezercon bark, and 80 forth. Then
try alum, borax, salt; or, in fact, any
thing that will have tendency to heal
tougher, or straiten the affected
parts. think, if you could get used
to bayberry bark without blowing you,
head of, when you abs:ained, alto
gether you would be proof against or,
dinary sneczing- exciting causes
The unhappy Horatio followed thi.
peice of advice to the letter, and with.
IN three months had reduced himself
to snceze day; though he could not
tell which ofthe many experiments had
effected such 4 relief.
He returned to the city a happy man
for awhile, and grew 80 bold as to min.
gle freely III society without fear o1
terrifying or being terrified; and at last
wishing to arrive at the summit of hu.
man happiness in the most direct pos
siblc way, and to avenge himself upon
fate for the wretchedness which he
had solong suffered, he permitted him
self to fall in love with Ariadne Day
. beautiful girl, to whom he proposed
and was accepted. = -,
"After storm comes a. calm, =
unused he, as he prepared for . bril-
liant wedding at her wealthy fathers
house. "1f my nose will only hold
out, l shall be the happicst man alive,
The darkest time Of night is Just be
fore morning. How little did I think
three or four months ago, that sho' q
live to perform but one sneeze a day
And l think that is growing milder
j What a glorious thought to walk tn.
street un,nolested, with Ariadne OF
my arm, and feel that am to bt
|sneezed at no more"
! AS Horatio was of a highly rcspcc
table family, young, exemplary, and
comely, prospective parents.in-law re
solved in their fondncss to him, te
make the wedding as brilliant as pos
sible, and all the family plate, jewel.
and other valuables were enlisted j,
the grand display. It was very os
tentatious ovation, and everything
went off in the most effective manner
excepting the convalescent and re
formed nose.
I Finally, bridegroom and bride, pa
rents and guest went off also, and Hora
ito Kay Enn had ended his life as bach
elor. He was enrapturcd, enthus
; astic; but he was ensnared.
It must have been about thre
4 ~ ~ g. Al ~