Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1860-11-29


to recompensc themselves for the loss Of
their daughter"
"Well, lair exchange is no robbery.
But when you gained wife, and lost
nothing but few sheep, you ought to
have been satisfied with yopr bargain;
as Ante. L iluvinn wives (as have read
somewhere. J were Of ncstimaLle value.
Surely one Of them was more than an
equivalent Tor a few pounds Of mutton.
"Sir, you have been nioinlormcd.--
The wives Of that day were no better than
they are at present; and wlr N | tell you
| so, you have the testimony oI an cye-wit-
ness. We'll. sir, the long and short Of it
is that | was ruined--broken up root and
| branch, and, to make the matter worse,
my witc proved a tcrmagant, and one Of
the most extravagant jadcs that ever wore
crinolne."
How! You don't mean to say that she
dressel in the dilated style Of tlc present
tine?'
Il do say that very thing. Hoped
skirts. sir. were in common usc long be
fore the general lelugc, and they hal not
gone ont ut the tine of lhat great event
II Noah's womcn.f folks had been allowed
to dress in the fashionable style of that
day they would have occupied the whole
ark, and no room would have been left
for he other live. stock"
"Wondcllul!"
"My wife, sir, was continually running
me in debt"
"At the dry. goods store. no doubt"
cat every kind of store where she could
obtain crr-lit And so, between one
thing and another, became so wrctchcd
that, at the carly age of ,hrec hunlicd aud
sixteen wears, | was quite weary OF exist
ence and committed Il desperate act"
"Snicile?"
Nothing less. hanged myscll. anil
was the first that ever perisiicl 10y the
construction OF rope. | may justly
claim the Invention Of langin', lhou4lI the
world has never giv'n me credit ior that
notable cohtrfvancc."
"lt is the fate Of inventors to bc slight.
ell by their contemporaries, said ]; but
po>tcrity should have done you Justice
Perhaps, like John Fitch Of steamboat
noloricty, you may meet with just ap
probation at last"
am satisfied with being the leneractor
OF my fellow men aud do not wish TO
: their gratitude or gloriiicaion. But, {,
proceed with my narrative"
"Wiih most Of men, hanging would O
y = the end Of !lcir history"
But it is not so with mine. My mex
q tran n>miSration was to the form OF dog
y, very iliavurel cur, by the way, and, h,
!. most remarkable fatality, hecame th
property ol the very lady who had onc
;, been mywilc. She was now biisk youn!
widow and must acknowledge that he
J., personal attractions were considerable. Ii
:. my canine shape, She was exceS>vrl,
fond of me, though was very un>igll,
i. cur. rs limited before. She lavi>hel ON M
the most a.lrrtionatc carc>se>, AMI suppl
:. cl me wit" everything thatwaS grateful tt
), my appetite. In this stale Of affairs,
- made u very notable discovery"
:. "Ah? what was thai?'
', IL discovered that the life Of dog wa
=. much more lcicitous than that Of u hu>
hnnl, at least in the times before til
flood"
i" "Pooh! millions of married men hay
" made that notable discovery, as you ca
'' it, in every age OF the world. But hoy
= did your dog,hip prosper in the end?'
"A My wile-mistress | mean-leing
=. gay da>hing young widow Of three hundre
~ and twenty, had many applications il
II her hand. But | contrivcd to make he
lose all her Sutors. flew at every on
a ol them as soon as he entered the hous,
=, ond bit several of them severely"
be "Why, surely VOW were NOT Jealous?
"Not in the least, My motives for tn
he conduct was quitc benevolent. | droN
%. the poor fellows away to save then, fro
the miserics which / myself had exper
rs cnced was afraid that my succes>'
r;' might be tcmred to ext,icnte himsc
It, ftom the tlo,hlcs Of wcdlotk in Il
nj same way that | did"
RS 1T is lucky for some widows of OF
ht day that they have not such considcra
it well disposed poodles."
My aistreSs, being awhlow, was e'
Nv tremely anxious to he married, ol conls :
ne Seeing hat her lovers were all trightent
1T. away by my poverty (not having sens
A enough to see their realdanger) she 1T
tcrmincd to part with me without della.
or. And so she cn'lravorc,l to dispose OF II
Nth at very low price to several single ladi
of her acquaintance. But these ladle
is. having heard Of my propensity to attac
every fellow who came on counting e:
pm petition, would have nothing t" do wit
re, me, altl my mistress was conn cllcd rc
ot- much against Der inclination. ! dare Sa,
to dispose of me in another manner"
ros "Iuu were hanged for the second tin
M I'll warrant"
"No, sir not hanged. My miStrcS
NV notwithstanding my bnd behaviour, HI
,cn too much regard Tor me to make me d
,hn the death of her husband. She content
,on herself with condemning me to be drow
m. ed"
;nr "And the sentence was dulv v executed
,n mo. sir, was drowned to be sure h
yo not in accordance with her decree to I'll
n effect. She and all her lovers shared II
ntv fate, anl was too happy in the conter
the pla,ion of their qaietas to pay any atte
To to my OWN.
the "And pray by what incident did y
. - all get into the water ut once.
ae. "Is it possible that you can be in t