The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-03-17


&4rllarsied people should study each
Others weak points, - skaters look atterj
tho weak parts Of the ice, in order to kssp
OF them.
O. A minister called Ut the house Of :
friend the other day, and found the wife in
tears. "What 10 the matter my good sis
ter p" ooh dear John, my good husband,
has run away with widow Smith, and Pm
out OF snuf."
CT"If you marry" said Roman CON
sui to son, /" let it be woman who has
industry enough to cook q meal Of victua!s
for you, taste enough to dress neatly, pride
enough to wash before breakfast, and sense
enough to hold her tongue.
e<Among the heads Of the government
1t Washington there are four B's-Buchan-
an Breckenridge, Brown and Black. The
Government is regular hive, but full OF
There are two C's-Cass and Cobb and
one 1.-TWO c. Toucey, beside.
Whom your wife begins to scold let
her have it out. Put your feet cozily over
the Ere place-loll back in your chair-lght
one Of your best cigars, and let the storm
rage on. Say nothing make no answer to
anything.
TA correspondent of tho New York
Tfi6nns says three-fourths Of the members
of the House Of Congress are Lawyers; the
other fourth are composed Of msnufactu-
rers. merchants and business men. Nearly
all the great business interests Of the eoun-
try are represented.
WEIGHT For THE WAGON.
There 10, according to che Newark Ad.
vertiser, man by the name Of Will, in
Monmouth county, N. j., who weighs four
hundred and seventy two pounds; he 10
lively evidence Of the truth of the adage that
Where there's . Will there's a Weigh.
GTMr. Douglas home organ thinks that
the "Opposition may fall back upon him"
Whethsri il fall back upon him or fall forward
upon him, it viii be sure to crush the life
out of him.-Lou. Jour.
eE1.Nsnr W arren, Conn.,, is posted on q
meadow fence, the following: "Notis-
know xows is aloud in these medders, emmy
man or woman letten thare kows run the
rode wot gifts inter my medders afoursed
shall have his tale cut orr bi mce.
OBADIAH ROGERS"
CT"There's where the boys fit for col.
ieke, said the Professor to Mrs. Parting.
son, pointing to the school in Bedford street
"Did they % said the old lady, with ami.
nation; 'sand if they fit for college before
they went, they didn't fight afterward? '
eyes," said he, smiling and favorng the
conceit eyes, the fight was with the head
and not with tho hands," "Ah! butted
did they ?''
ETThe artesian we'll at Columbus, Ohio
has reached the depth Of 1889 feet and II
inches feet and inches deeper than any
other we'll h the 1orldI Work on it bni
forrhe present been suspended, because thu
pended. 1t now lacks only 300 fleet and j
inch Of being half mile deep.
YANKEE DEW DROPS. ass a -ys
"Why, uncle Dew little, how dew yoy
deu? Deso come and rest a, little while
de,p how does aunt Hannah dew and wha
is she deping now and dew tell US about
the news. Come, dew set up to the table
and dew as we dep deo help your self
and der take some, and dew not make mt
de,o all tho talking. NOM, dsw say some
thing dcr.''a& etsiI .aslssEaE3 Ia
GA, young lady, irritated because ,
some matter, ..lost her balance, and irrati
bly, exclaimed 80 Oh Mr.. f., you -hav'
only two ideas in your head. EGYou are
right" replied the gentleman, 81 have on
ly two ideas, and one of them is that you d.
not know how to behave Yourself"
.vAt one of our railroad stations is
very polite attendant, who has very littl
supposed sympathy with publicans and sin
ners. As passengers come up he direct
them to the appropriate cars. The othe
day, as he was saying to this one-s'Firs
car to New York "-ss Westboro "-yes
ma'am, third car" etc., rather seedy look
ing and inebriated individual staggered up
"Where do you want to go?" said on
friend. "Wans to go to HI" was tn
drunken reply 'East car, sir, and get %
at Natick," was the official answer.
: = ~ Ayoung lady Of extraordinary intel
lectual capacities, recently addressed tn
following letter 10 her cousin: y g'EfTG
"DEAR kuzzEN The wether whnr We /
air kold, and suppose whar you is it ai
holder. We is all we'll, and mothers gou
the his Terricks, brother Tom has got tn
Hoppin kof, and sister Susan has got
baby, aud hoap these fu lines will you il
the same condishun. Rite sumo.
Yore aphecshunate Kuzzon.
OIL Use or THE HAND. ~
With the hand We demand, we promise
we call, dismiss, threaten, entreat, suppl
i cate, deny, refuse, inter- gate, admire reck
on, confess, repent; express fear, expires
shame, express doubt, We instruct, com
mand, unite encourage, swear, testify, 90
cuse, condemn, acquit insult, despise def
disdain, fatter, applaud, bless, abuse, ridi
Guile, reconcile, recommend, exal., regale
gladden., complain, afflict, discomfort, dis
courage, astonish exclaim, indicate silence
and what not, with . variety and multipli
cation that keeps pace with the tongue
Moatatgne.~ ~v x~~~,r- -
VALUABLE DARKEY
The Grcenville Is. CO. Enterprise state
that at sale of negroes last week, ono OIL
them. George, likely fellow, said to be
good joiner and carpenter, brought tbs
Fcnovm1us sum OF thirty-6yc hundred dol
lars! He was purchased by the Rev. j. P
Boyea. Mr.. BOyee was after warda affere.
four thousand dollars for him! There ar,
precious few white men our zacqus;ntanc,
who would bring so high price if the,
were put up at auction.
= Gina neighboring city, at Thackeray'
lecture, few evenings since, a young gen
tleman the most modest man Of his sex, ant
no less polite than modest, was sitting in