Smyrna times., 1860-02-02
Trines.

MARY, my dear, do you remember the text
this morning !" "NO, plpa, ! never can re-
member the text; I've such bad memory"
" Mary" said her mother, did you notice Su-
san - "Oh, yes. What fright! She had
on her last years bonnet, done up, pea green
silk, black lack mautIla, brown CATERS. an
imitation IIonron collar, a lava bracelet, her
old ear-drops, and such fan! Oh my!'
Mother" Well, my dear, your memory is
improving"
A LADY in Nashville was making a visit to
the penuenllary, aud was permitted to look
throught the various wards. IN one room she
saw three women engaged in sewing, and turn.
ing to the keeper who was showing her about
said 10 h IN, in undertnne: " Dear me the
vlclousest looking women | ever saw in my
life What are they put IN here for !"
They are" lie replied, my wife and daugh-
ters, madam But madam was travelling out
as fast as possible.
Thomas, what is the equator -
"Why, sir, II is the horizontal pole running
perpendicular through the ImaginatIons OF as
trOnomers and old geogrS piers"
Go take your seat, Thomas. William, what
do you mean by an eclipse -
4" An old rUce horse, sir."
"SIlence! Jack, what is an eclipse -
An eclipse is thlng as appears when the
moon gets Oft and runs ugin the suH-conse-
Gueutly the sun bIuckens the moons tuce."
A MAN applied once to be shipped before The
mast. "Are you an able seaman or a green.
hand ~ asked the shipping master. Why, no,
not au able seaman, but yet not exactly green
hand. have some knowledge # th~ water "
" Ever been "a voyage !" No" "Evcr been
on the river craft - " No" We'll what
then do you know about the sea !" Why, /
have tended saw-m mill"
A BAKER once advertised "That as all men
needs tread, he WISHES the public to know that
he kneadS It. He II desIruus otleadlug all who
are hungry, and hopes his good works Will be
IN the mouth Of every one. lie is we'll dIspus,
ed towards all meo, aud the best bred people
among us will lind him, he hopes, one of the best
bread men IN the CITY,"
| A gEGGAR boy made application to farmers
wife, III Scotland, for rellet, and was refused on
the ground that she " had no copper" to which
the ltlle urchn very accommodaLingly replied
:" take silver, men,"
Mrs. PARTINGToN, hearing that a young
man had set up tor himself, SAID poor fellow
Has he no friend that will set up tor hlm par
Of the time !" Aud she sighed 10 be young
again.
A YOUNG LADY of New Orleans who recently
performed a remarkable feat IN rowing, ha
been presented with beautiful yawl. SmGcI
would have been more appropriate.
al LIVE in Julia's eyes," said an affectonat
dandy IN CoIeman's hearing. "Very likely,
replied Coleman, "f.r observed she had u 81
on one OF them when | saw her last"
DIR. Johnson once said ga man is in genera
better pleased when he has good dinner upo
The table than when his wife talks Greek.
} " Now do take this midicine, wife, and L
be handged if it doesn't cure you" "Oh,
+ will take it then, by all MEANS for it is sure
8 do good one way or the other"
SIDNEY SMITH says the Anglo.Saxon rae
was made for two purposes-to manufactur
calico and steal land.
"TnEY pass best over the world," said Quee
= Elizabeth, =" who Trip over ii swiftly; for II
}, but q bog--if wo stop we sink. l if.
4 TaI common opinion is that we should Ia
q good care Of children at all seasons of the yea
. but it is well enough in winter to let the
2. slide.
b. To BIZ born with a silver spoon in your mou
ID is lucky but twice lucky he who can open
mouth without betraying the spoon!
WHY is a child reading in his alphabet a,
re- saying instead of l., like the air we breath,
Because il is he meant, (slement.)