The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-12-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= TO kill your, encmies--Treat them
to rot.gut whiskey. iH a'3

- To kill your enemies them
to rot-gut whiskey. s M
- A rose without thorns-a woman
without nails.
- A rouge-pot often bushes for those
who can't blush for themselves.
= Women are like breadstuffs-when
they are very scarce, they are very dear.
- A good way to light some cities
with gas would be to set fire to their ed
itors. fa t0 loT0a s., na ait .yl'
- Evidence Of Friendship-kissing a
married lady out of pure love for her hus-
band. ilsp oil lp la8 o3l ,lltr 70
- To destroy rats---Catch them one
by one, and fatten their heads in the lem
on squeezer. e.. f.... f.....f,.,. &.
,4-- To prevent dogs from killing sheep,
cut their tails off up to their ears before
they can get about. t
"That's what / call fair shake"
as the 1llinoisan said when hc shook his
toe-nails off with the aguc. " F.
To drive flies out of the house
Put your molasses barrel and preserves in
the back yard in the sun. 'aaa .h'
= To kill Cockroaches-Get pair Of
boots, then catch your cockreaches, put
them in q barrel and dance.
- To kill bed-bugs-Chain their hind
legs TO tree, then go round in frcat and
make mouths at them. s.. .,t, Ga.
"What are you looking after, my
daughterl' :" Looking after a son-in-
law for you and father"
= A chap on being asked what he
would do if he was banished 70 the woods,
said he thought he should split.
= 1t is said that rcd-haired men ought
10 make the best soldiers, for they always
carry their fire-locks on their shoulders
- An Irish Attorney says no printer
should publish death unless apprised Of
the fact by the party deceased.
I- A Dutchman went into cooper
shop, and asked for an empty barrel of
-four to make his dog hen-coop.
= At late muster in Kentucky, a
big keg was used as drum. If there
was anything in the keg, we guess the
men rallied at the tap. " s'
= To catch mice-On going to bed
put a piece of cheese in your mouth, and
lay with it open, and when mousc's
whisker's tickle your throat, bite.
- The red, white and blue-tho red
cheeks, whito teeth, and blue eyes of a
lovely girl-are rs good flag as n young
soldier in the battle of life need fight for
-"Will you marry me, miss" "Sir,
you know very well l have often declar
ed would never marry" "Oh, yes; if
l hadn't known it, / shouldn't have asked
you."
- Patrick" said Judge, "what do
you say TO the charge, are you guilty or
not guiltyp "Faith, that is difficult for
your honor TO tell, Let myself alone
Wait ill l hear the ividence." ="
-" Sammy, you little whelp! didn't
l tell you to let that cats tail alone ?"
said an angry father to his son who was
endeavoriug to elongate cats narrative.
"Well, old hoss, what if you did p
It's old Browns cat, and I'll yank Mun-
der out Of it if pleaseG" .--
- A bumptious traveller overtaking an
old Presbyterian minister, whose nag was
much fatigued, quizzed the old gentleman
upon his "turn out" rsf d..
"a nice horse, yours, doctorl very val
liable beast--but what makes him wag
his tail so, doctorw
Why, as You have asked me, l will
tell you. 1t is for the Same reason that
your tongue wags so-a sort of natural
weakness"
= To the man who won't pay the
printer:
May he be shod with lightning, and be
compelled to walk over gun-powder.
May every day of his life be more des-
potic than the Dey of Algiers.
May he never bc permitted to kiss a
pretty woman.
May he be bored TO death by boarding
misses practicing their first lessons in mu-
sic, without the privilege of seeing his
tormentors. .s.,l 30 .-u
May 2 40 nightmares trot quarter ra.
ces over his stomach every night.
May his boots leak, his gun hang fire,
and fishing lines break. '.aaa .f
May his friend run off with his wife,
and his children take the whooping-cough.
May his cattN die Of murrain, and the
pigs destroy his garden. a'
May troop of "Printer's Devils,"
lean, lank and hungry, dog his heels each
day, and regiment of cats caterwaul
his window each night.