The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-01-11

Setting man trap is the title given
to a picture of a young lady arranging her
curls in mirror.
When man has no design but 10
speak the truth, he may say great deal
In very narrow compass.
TO ascertain whether yonr wife is
jealous, lace up another lady's shoes, and
let her catch you at il! If that don't
make her round shouldered, nothing will.
= An Indiana editor says we have dis
covered a mares nest. Well, we shall
not tell him where it is, lest he suck the
eggs.
A philosopher being asked what
was the first thing necessary toward win
ming the love of woman, answered.
" An opportunity"
-" Though lost 10 sight, to memory
DEAR" rs the maiden said to her lover
when his face was buried in beard and
whiskers.
A hungry man, upon receiving an
invitation to dinner, complimented his
host upon having a chair at table dispo-
sition.
There is a man in Cincinnati in pos
session of powerful memory. He is
employed by the humane society TO re-
member the poor.
- An editor out West boasts Of hav-
ing had talk with woman and got the
last word. Yes, she gave il 10 him and
the broom stick with il.
In n late duel at New Orleans
Mr.. Scott was badly burt by his antago-
mist, Mr.. Bender. He is not the first
chap that has been hurt by "a bender"
- In North Carolina the lightning
struck barn and knocked over two dark
les; one of them scrambled up and ex-
claimed, "who fire dat guns"
- A well known London printer be-
ing called upon to reply TO toast, said,
Gentleman, / thank you most heartily.
/ can't make speech; but | can print
one as long as you like"
We always admire the answer Of the
man who, when asked how old he was,
answered: "Just forty years; but if you
count by the fun I've seen, / am at least
eighty"
-Wo have all heard of asking for
bread and receiving a stone. but a young
gentleman may bo considered as still
worse treated when he asks for young
lady's hand and gets her fathers foot.
Two Georgia pine woodsman went
to city, church; the organist struck up
deep bass, whereat the two fellows
struck bee line for the door, and outside,
one said; my gracious Sam, what hor-
rible groan that wasp
"A Kentucky editor owns up to having
eaten beat that measured sixteen inch,
es in circumference, and weighed two and
a half pounds. His capacity is hard &c
beat. He'd be The ruin of vegetarian
society.
One of our exchanges advertise:
for two compositors "who don't drink,
and adds that "the editor does all Tho
getting drunk necessary to support tho
dignity Of the establishment?
"A wag says, that in journeying late
ly, he was put into an omnibus with |
dozen persons, of whom he did not know
a single ono. Turning corner shortly
after, however, the omnibus was upset
And then" said he, al found them al
out"
any DEAR" inquired young wifi
of her husband, as she reached up ros,
little mouth to be kissed, on his return
from business, shave you seen tha
magnificent set Of walnut furniture whicl
the Jeukinses have just boughta' "Hem
no my love, but have seen the bill
which quite satisfies me-"
-"Ma, didn't the minister say, las
Sunday, chat sparks flew upward?"
"Yes, dear, how came you 10 think o
IitY
"Because yesterday l saw cousin Sal
J ly's spark staggering down the street
and fall into the gutter
= Very touching and beautiful wer
the words of the old schoolmaster, as lif
passed away: 1t is growing dark
the school may be dismissed" Down L
the very gates Of an unseen world he ear
ried the love and regard of the childre'
whom he had trained.
- An individual advertised a few day
since in the Times for boy. The mex
morning, on arriving at bis Office, h
found in front Of the door a bandbox
with this inscription on it; "Will tbi'
one answerr On opening it he found
nice Cat specimen Of the article which n
advertised for warmly done up IN flannel