The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1860-01-28

From Hsrper's Magazine.
THE LADY WITH THE BALMORAL.
"By Jove !" cried Mr.. Frederick Markern
throwing back my chamber door with sucl
violence that the knob went into the wal
about two inches.
Immediately upset my inkstand, for
am nervous man, and the least noise star
ties me. am quick at doing awkward
things, and awkward at doing things quick
". proceeded to gather up the ink, bu
not with that success and celebrity that char
acterized the spilling.
"Oh, by Jovs" continued Mr.. Markem
az he stretched himself out in the arm chair
81 have seen women plenty of 'em. Hand
some women, too, BY the churchful by thu
streetful; but never IN my lify did lay eye
on such glorious, magnificent superb, di.
vine, out-and-o out ring tailed snorter, II
may be allowed the expression"
objected. did not consider that the
ssring- tailed snorter," whatever it might be-
was the proper word to be used under the
circumstances. didn't know what the cir.
cumstances were : it didn't make any differ
ence what they were there could Be nc
circumstances that would admit Of such
infeiioity Of language. No; objected
Mr.. Markem had seriously disturbed me.
was composing short lyric of eight hundred
lines for the 4Esthetic Monthly, and did
not wish to have my celestial train oi
thought discomposed by terrestrial matter
Rnt mi w WI
easily snubded. He went in an idiotic and
extravagan manner, describing lady whom
he had met some twenty minutes previously
street. Juno, Hebe, and Eurydice were jus,
nothing at all beside this mortal maiden
and as to the Venus de Medici-I quote MIR
Markem-she knocked her higher than a
kite! | myself am not aware Of the height
to which kites are popularity supposed to at
tain, but could picture the airy situation
of the Venus de Medici. The lady whose
eyes had robbed Mr.. Mnrkem of what he
could least afford to part with, had, it seems,
rendered his destruction perfect by sporting
red. and black balnoral skirt, which was
conveniently short enough to make nodes,
display of the prettiest feet and ankles in
the world.
Sir" said Mr.. Markem, "you should
have seen those feet.''
Then Mr.. Markem launched into disser-
tation on pedal extremities, in which the
Chinese women were literally taken of their
feet, or rather, their fee. were taken off oi
them, and placed On the faultless ankles Of
Perfection. .-
Twas vastly relieved when Mr.. Markem a,
length retired to his own room. to drown his
restless soul, as he intimated, in the intoxi.
eating bowl. The inebriating vessel SO
tragically all ded to was the bowl Of his
meerschaum pipe. In few minutes such
volumes of smoke came pouring through the
key-hole of the door that separated Ou,
apartments that rushed fran,ically into his
chamber with the vague apprehension Of
finding him mass Of FIRE and cinder, bear.
| ing no distant resemblance to half con.
sumed balmoraE.
Pleasant, this % said Mr.. Markem
emitting from his mouth a cloud Of smoke
that would have done infinite credit ia
Mount Vesuyius. "lt eases fellows SOU
SOL"
am an impressible man--nervous men
always are; and although Mr.. Markem's de.
scpription of the fair one with the golden
locks was entirely too absurd for moment.
thought, lay wide awake half Of the nigh,
thinking about it. And then sunk into a
troubled sleep, only to dream that and the
lady with the balmoral were being smoked
in an immence meerschaum by gigantic
Mr.. Markem. To disport with such trifle'
will the most vigorous minds sometimes con-
descend d.. g. .a .t.-
The next day, in spite of myself, thought
Of Mr.. Markem's adventure-if it is an ad-
venture to meet pretty woman and be an
idiot ever after. In fact, | did nothing but
think of her and the tortuous dream of the
previous night. The hot aromatic meer-
schaum, the lady with the balmoral, and
the brobdignagie Mr.. Markem, fitting
through my vision all day and in the eve
ming, when went to sec Clementina-we had
been engaged two weeks was meditative
and unhappy. l felt that was wronging
Clementlna.
Two DAYS after this Mr.. Markem again
rushed into my room. He had seen her
had ridden in the same stage with her-her
dress had brushed against him-her dress!
Eastern perfumes had sainted his nostrils-
the perfumes she used! He had touched her
exquisite finger-tips in passing the change
and language was as milk-and-watsr to OK
press his emotions The Venus de Medici
was again placed in an elevated position ;
and several uncomplimentary remarks made
relative to Madames Juno, Hsbe, and Fury.
dice.
"By Jove, sir,'' said Mr.. Markem, "see
what l have done ~ And he jerked his
watch out so violently that l expected to
see the brass brains of that domestic animal
scattered over the floor. "By Jove, sir =
when she passed me her fare, two three cent
pieces, what did do with 'em but drop 'em
into my vest pocket, and hand the whip two
gold dollars instead, by Jove! Look a,
'emr' And Mr.. Markem opened she watch
case and spilled the two bits of silver iuto
the palm of his hand. Mere money-mere
gold dollars, piled up as high as the top OF
Trinity church steeple-could not buy those
sacred souvenirs. No, Sir! Hewould have
'em put on silk cord, and his children,i n
future generations, should wear 'em arount
their necks, and cut their teeth on 'em, by
Jove! Part with them! Would accep
his hearts blood rs slight testimonial ol
his affecticnate regards? With this friendl,
offer Mr.. Markem shut up the three. cen
pieces in his watch, and restored it to hi
pocket. .e.. ...- ..
"When the lady got out,' inquired l hes
itatingly, "did you follow her."
"Folow her? No, sir! Could imagin'
for a moment that so iuefable a creature re
sided anywhere? She's an inhabitant of tn
ARA denizen of the milky way! Follow
her? was Observation-Disclosures
higher than kite 20
could not help asking Mr.. Markem If HI
met the Venus de Medici ccming down Of
his way up9 But this show of plensantr,
on my part was the merest counterfeit O
iocularity. The second meeting, and Mr.
Markem's consequent enthusiasm, worke,
like madness in my brain. went to bed Il
lie awake for hours and on falling to sleel
dreamed that was crushed to death by a,
avalanche of three-cen pieces witch sli,
from the roof Of a palatial mansion in Fiftl
Avenue. Then was cast, heels over head
on an uninhabited island in the tropics
where the bananas and cocoa nuts wer'
stuffed with the same scarce metal and be
Ing on the verge of starvation. devoure'
large quantity, and was about to die o.
indigestion when the breakfast-bell rescued
me from that unpleasant situation. wa
| ,,;aaro hla and fevarish and n cnp af strnnt