The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1860-07-16

sm,,e ana he a villain, !. he'll look delighted
! TO see you, but believe me. you'H not De de.
| iiph ed 10 see yourself when you come out.
| Your shearer. on the other hand, may, and
| often does, adopt system Of indirect COM
| pulsion- OF moral bullying. He assumes a
bland sheer, and makes unpleasant reflections
| upon your natural gifts and acquired haoits'
either by he words he uses, or the line OF ae
ton he pursues. For instance. nave nea'
coIioqny between "A tonsor and his patent al
ter the following fashion ,.
Tonsor. Your air is very loose, s'
loose.
Patient What do you meant .,,.
Ton Why, IL comes outvery easy SIT i''''
out. may say. .,ar
Ton You ,ayen't 'ad fever LATELY, SIT,
Pal. (res,ily) No, haven't; never had a
fever. ,, 7 .ho,,a =.
said you,d 'sd a fever. / never saw a gentle
man;s AIR come out so easy. You don't
wash your cad very frequently, sir, should
say!
iv enough. Why do you think l don't J.
You don't mean TO say it's dirty, hopel
Ton. (ApoiogeiieallyO Oh dear, no, sir,
not at all, sir; but Loadon is such very
smoky place. you get all sorts of dust and
grit into the 'alr almost without knowing IL,
sir; and there's nothing like washing the cad,
with cold water for strengthening the air
But then You hought TO apply something CHATTER
IL, LOT lear OF tdkiBR Goiu, Sii-oO"c oNAN Va
vegetable preparation. We've very nice
article here, SIR; price 'alf-a-crown. II pre-
vents cold Quoting from an advertisement, }
stimulates the 'ealtby action OF the SKIN:
streng hens the roots OF the All, anu prevents
* from falling of.
Pat. I'll take Il bottle.
Ton. accompanying the patient to the
shop and CHANGING VIGOROUSLY at the young
lady who takes the money! AIR cut, miss,
and a bottle of the vegetable wash.
Sometime tonsor catches Tartar, IN the
shape of a choleric person, who doesn't ike to
hear the melodious words "scurf" ana DAN
rif''-particnlariy when the cacophony OF
the former is intensified by being pronounced
"scuf'-appiled TO him. In this case. the pa
tient has an evident rush of blood 10 the face,
starts up from his chair, at the imminent
peril of his ear-tips, and informs tonsor that
"he came to have his hair cut, and not 10 near
remarks Upon the stare OF his skin, ana mat
if tonsor "can't cut it without talking nom
sense, he'll go to somebody VINO can upon
this tonsor is reduced 10 silence, and lpdul-
ges in the voiceless ven geance OF scarlfylng MS
Gus TONER'S head with a couple OF hard brush
es, according to the plan already mentioned -
This same cnoleric person, at his exit, so Tar
from complying with tonsor's reasonable re-
quest, that he should purchase bottle of the
Wanted 'airwash, mutters that las he does I
want TO have his hair turned green, or blue,
or any other conspicuous color, he thinks he'd
better not" and in scarcely audible gnttu-
rails, condemns the man, and the wash, and the
seen IT, and the whole place III succInct but
powerful language.
have called this q self-shaying generation,
and so for the most partit is; stiiI there are
people who ape the antique, and get them
selves shaved by the barber, and those people
number among them young as well as old
With respect to the latter, l have nothing
whatever to say respect grey hairs; and II
| an octogenarian likes having his nose pulled
by thumb ami finger redoient of rancid
grease he is perfectly at liberty pace nlea to do
so. SILL affirm positively that there is no
whilst, as the French say, one is making his
beard, or, as we should more correctly express
| it, one is taking his beard off. Indeed, l APP
| peal TO any self-shaying person to declare
whether ne ever takes hold of his principal
| feature during the operation of rasure, and
whe Their he doesn't rather put his left hand a
1 kimbo upon his left hip, stick his chin out
| com press his lips, and, in fact, perform upon
| himself in a totally different manner from
| that of the professional barber, greatly 10 the
advantage of his sense of smell, his power OF
| breathing, and his general freedom ofattitude
For, suppose q man, under the influence ofpro.
tesslonal shaving, To want to sWallOw-ano
men do sometimes want to swallow for no per
| ceptibiy reason beyond the practice of thai
| tolerubly common accomplishments &c
| Eavea cold, and to feel called upon suddenly
10 use his pocket handkerchief, ii is the risk
| off serious cash either upon his chin or his
| thorax thai he attempts TO one or the other
| However, granting, for the sake OF argument
| that the professional barber as obliged TO pull
side / want to know why he shouldn't do il
with Clean fingers. Let the BARRIERS wash their
hands, L say, and manipulate my nose with
lnodurous digits, whether choose TO have II
| pulled for sixpence, threepence, or even three
| halfpence.
| But to the going man who objects to shay
| ing himself, and, from dislike Of trouble OF
an lneXcusabie nervousness, prefers TO submIl
| to the tender merCieS OF barber, / assume
tone of harsh rebuke. Idon'tknOw who he is, OF
how big he is, and he don't know how big am
aud therefore I've no hesitation in calling him
lazy dog, he decline self rasure on trouble
some grounds; and If on The ground OF nervous
ness, say he has no business to be so nervous
at his age, and l accuse him a once OF living al
improper life, of keeping late hours, of taking
more wine than is good for him, and OF smOk-
ing strong tobacco; and l maintain that all
| the cOntumey he meets with whenever he
goes to be shaved, is no more than he richly
deserves And let him not suppose that, how
ever feroclous his moustache, and however
strong his beard, he will escape unpleasant re-
marks l have seen young men with an un-
eXceptiouable biceps and general muscular
appearance, writing in lmpoient fury under
barbaric torture. you've very funny-col-
ored mo u stache, sir" / heard Il malignant bar
Der once remark TO his victim: Il don't think
| ever such funny COLOR. And the VIC
lin dared not open his mouth at this dubious
compliment, for he didn't like the taste OF
soap suds. The face of that Eerculean fellow,
who wants TO u eeZe, and feels confident OF a
deep incision if he does, is awful to behold
his features swell, he grows quite purple, and
the helpless manner in which he stretches out
his hands would melt any heart but a bar ber's
A bal Der cannot comprehend that man who S
being shaved can have any other req uIremen Is
until that is over; the fly that tlckies youiEto
Is is ali unheeded by him the Ia Their that &c is
up YOUR nose is ali III the way OF business
and you had better get all your coughing done
whilst he is Whettiug his razor. Nor need you
|, expect any sympathy from him II he should
happen 10 cut you he'll only tell you, should
you complain, that your face is very pimply,
and that "the hair'-meaning the atmosphere
will SOON stop the bleeding"
After all, my chief objection to BARRIERS is,
the antipathy they invariably display towards
pleasant tint, think, and, at aayrate, 1t is the
natural tint, which nothing will ever per-
suade me is not the best yet seldom or never
submit TO tonsure but see man stealthily
approaching my whiskers with Il tooth brush
dipped in some chemical preparation. l have
become used TO i. now, but the first time it &C.
CURED l was somewhat dismayed and thank
ing him for his intended kindness assured him
that washed my teeth mySeJevery night and
morning. With indignation learned that it
was dye, and that his object was ITO improve
my appearance ~ and from that day forth,
hate and fear-I wish i could say despise-the
BARRIERS.
PROTECTION OF BRICKwoRK.-The penetra-
ton of moisture through the surface OF brick
work. may be obvIated by the following simple
remedy Three. quarters of a pound of mot
Had -na N ara n, ha dissolved in one gallon az