Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1860-06-30
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Fact, Fancy and Fun.

- SoShHSs "a person OF mistaken
(Daspir ations.
The ladies' ''Coming man''-The
becoming man.
The girls like the flowers incline
towards the son.
"A Misery Shave-Cutting vour
heirs off with shilling.
-Episcopus asks us if "pious look''
is the same as "Holy See 90
--':To-morrow" is the dav on which
lazy people work and fools reform.
What wind should hungry sailor
wish for? One that blows fowl and
chops about.
The reason why we stake note of
tlme'' IS because that respectful lie gen.
tleman Is perpetually running away,
Ques.-How many States will Bell
carry?
Ans.-Ten, see. (Tennessee).
If you wish to cure scoIding wife,
nev er fail to laugh at her till she ceas,
es-then kiss her. Sure cure.
Ono should not dispute with man.
who, either through stupidity or shame
lessness, denies plain and visible truths.
What is the difference between an
emperor and beggar? The one is
sues manifestoes the other manifests
toes with his shoes.
Why is it impssible for a watch
that indicates the smallest division ev-
er to be new? Because it must always
be secondhand one.
Abel was the first man that was
killed; but J. Bell, in next November,
may be the last man put out of the
way.
The term fugitive as applied to
the poetry which fills the corners of
newspapers is not bad one. Such
poetry is generally of the common run.
The very common phrase, 'sIn the
mean time, y if used twenty years hence,
will be universally conceded to mean
this present period Of locofoco sway.
-Four boys wers poisoned near Ft.
Wayne, Ind, on the 5th, by eating the
roots Of wild parsneps. Boys should
be careful-we know Of two or three
in Grand Rapids that are likely to be
killed by wild oats.
Kind words are the leading strings
to good actions; they opened a free
passage to the overcharged heart;
they convey heavenly energy to the
dropping spirit, and whisper love where
hatred else would be-
"Julius did you tend de last meetin
OBJ de Abolition Debatin Society 2''
eyes sah."
"Well, what was de fnst ting dat
come up afore de house %
ODE fust ting dat come up afore de
house ?-Why-it was a-a-a charcoal!
cart !''
---Quilp and his wife had bit of
contention the other day.
'I own you have more briIliancy
than l." said the woman, 'but have
the better judgment.'
eyes," said Quilp, "our choice of
marriage shows that"
Quilp was informed that he was a
brute.
HEAT AND Cold. .--Pedagogue--what
are the properties of heat?
Pupil-Ueat expands and cold con-
tracts and that's what makes the days
longer in summer and shorter in win
ter.
Ped.-There, that will do; You may
go ont and play, don't study any more
to day.
--:'What's that a picter on 2" said
countryman in our hearing the other
day in q print store, to the proprietor
who was handling over some engra-
wings.
"That, sir, is Joshua commanding
the sun to stand stili.''
'tDu tell Wal which is Josh and
which is his son %
A lady who had read Of the ex-
tensive manufacture Of odometers to
tell how far carriage had run, said
she wished some Connecticut genius
would invent an instrument to tell how
far husbands had been in the evening
when they 'just step down to the post
Office" or "weLt out to attend eau
cus.' ,
Mrs, Partington addressed Isaac
while eating dish Of strawberries,
thus:
':How grand you are growing, by
and-by you viii want to board at the
BREWER House and live On umbrella
ice cream. You musten't be SO glutin
Gus, dear: don't ike to see little
bov with so much velocity Of appetite"