The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1860-12-25
NO. 739.

Sez /, "you egrejis ass" gittiu up and
brushin the dust from my eyes, I'll sign yer
papers with this bunch Of bones, eff you don't
be a little more kserful how you make my
bread baskit deput in futer. "Iow do you
like that air perfumeryi' sez |, shuvin my
fist under his nose. "Theni's the kind of pa
pers I'll give you! Them's the papers you
wantp
"BIt workt hard for tho tickit, toled
night and day! The patri: should be reward
"Virtoo," sed |, holdin the infatooated
man by the cote-collar, "virtoo, sir ia its own
reward. Look at mew He did looh at me
and qua!ed be4 my gaze. "The fact is |
continued" lookin round on the Aungry
crowd, "tslere is scarcely ofiiss for every lie
lamp carried round durin the campsne.
wish there was, | wish there was furrin mis-.
sions to be flad on varis lonely Islands whsr
eppydemics rage necessarily, aud if / was in
Old Abe's place I'd send every mothers son
ofyou to:them. What air~-you here for3" l
continnered, warmin up considerable "can't
you give Abe minits peacel Don't you sec
he's worried almost % death. Go home you
miserable men, 60 home & till the sile! Go
TO peddln tinware-go to chopin wood-go
to billin soap-stutf sassengers-black boots
git clerkship on sum respectable manure
cart-go round as original Swiss Bell Ring
ers-becum 'orriginal and only Campbell
Minstrels-go to ecturin at so dollars mite
--imbark in the peanut bi'nss-write for
the Ledger-saw off your legs end 60 round
eivin concerts, with techin appeals TO a char
table publik, printed on your handbills--sny-
thing for an honest livin, but don't come here
drivin Old Abe crazy by yer outrajis cuttings
up! Go home. Stand not upon the order
of your goip, but 60 at onct! II in five min,
its from this timc," sez l. pullin out nv new
sixteen dollar huntin cased watch and brand
ishin it before their eyes. "Ef in five mint.
here premises, I'll 90 out to my cage near by,
and let my Boy Constructor loose, IL eff he
gifts amung you you'll think Old Solferino
has come agin and no mistake" You ought
to hev seen them scamper, Mr.. Fair. They
run orf as tho Satun hisself was arter them
with red hot ten prongcd pitchfOrk. In five
minits the premises was clear.
"How can l ever repay you, Mr.. Ward, for
you kindness?" sed Old Abe, advancin and
shakin me warmly by the hand. "How can
l ever reray you, sirT
"By givin the whole country a good sou I'd
Administration. BY pourin lie on tue trodb.
led waters, North and South! BY pursooin
patriotic, firm and just conrse, and then il
any State wants to secede let 'em Secede~
'How bout my Cabinit, Mr. Wardw sed
Abe.
Fill it up with Showmen, sir! Showmen
is devoid of pollertics. They haiu't got a
darned princip Pile! They know how to cater
to the publik. They know what the pubIik
wants, North d. South. Showmen, sir, is
honest men. Ef you doubt their literary
ability look at their posters and see small
bills! Fl you want Cabinet what is Cab
met I'LL it up With shownen, but don't call on
me.
The moral wax igger perfeshun mustn't be
permitted to 60 down while there's a drop Of
blood in these vains! A. Liakin, wish you
well Eff Powers or Walcutt wus TO pick out
model for beautiful man, scarcely think
they'd sculp you; but ef you DO the fair
thing by your country you'll make as putty
an angel as any Of US, or any other mani y.
Linkin, use the talents which Nature has pa,
into you judishusly and firmly, and all willbo
wellI A. Linkn, adooY
He shook me cordyuly by the hsnl-re
exchanged picters, SO we could gaze upon
each others liniments when far away from
one another-he at the hellum Of the ship
of State, and l at the hellum of the show
bizness-admittanc only Is cents.
ARrEMus WARD.