The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1860-04-19

had an aunt coming to visit me for the |,
first time since my marriage, and L don't
know what evil genius prompted the wick
edness q acknowledge, with tears in my
eyes, that it was such (which perpetrated
towards my wife and my ancient relative.
"My DEAR" said | to my wife, on the
day before my aunt's arrival, ''you know
Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow; well L
forgot to mention a rather annoying cir
cumstance with regard to her She's very
deaf; and, altho' she can hear my voice,
to which she is accustomed, in its ordinary
tones, yet you will be obliged to speak ex-
tremely loud in order to be heard. 1t will
be rather inconvenient, but | know you
will do everything in your power to make
her stay agreeable"
Mrs. S. announced her determination to
make herself heard, if possible
| then went to John Thomas, who loves
"a joke about as well as any person l know
of, told him to be at my house at six p. NJ.
on the following evening, and felt compar-
atively happy.
| went to the railroad station with
carriage next evening, and when l was on
my way home | said, "My dear aunt, there
is one rather annoying infrmity that Anne
| liza has, which | forgot to mention before
She's very deaf; and, although she can
hear my voice, to which she is accustomed,
i'll its ordinary tones, yet you will be obli-
ged to speak extremely loud in order to be
heard. I'm sorry for it.
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked speak
ing loud, and to do SO would afford her
great pleasure.
The carriage drove upon the steps was
wife-at the window was John Thomas,
with a face as utterly solemn as if he mad
buried all his relatives that afternoon.
| handed out my aunt-she ascended
the steps.
II am delighted to see you" shrieked
my wife, and the policeman on the opposite
side of the street started, and my aunt near
ly fell down the steps.
''Kiss me, my DEAR" howled my aunt
and the hall lamp clattered, and the win
dows shook as with the fever and ague.-
[ looked at the window-John had disap-
peared Human nature could stand it nc
longer. / poked my head into the carriage
and went into strong convulsions.
When [ entered the parlor my wife was
helping Aunt Mary to take off her bonnet
and cape; and there sat John with his face
of woe.
Suddenly. ''Did you have a pleasant
journey" went off my wife, like pistol
and John Thomas rather jumped to hi
feet
''Rather dusty" was the response, in ;
war-whoop and SO the conversation con
tinued
The neighbors for streets around mus
have heard it; when | was in the thirC
story of the building, l heard every wore
plainly.
In the course of the evening, my aun
took occasion to say to me, "How louC
, your wife speaks Don't it hurt her %
told her all deaf persons talked loudly
and that nay wife, being used to it, was no
affected oy the exertion, and that Aun
Mary was getting along very nicely witt
her.
Presently my wife said softly, "Alf, hoy
very loud your aunt talks
"Yes," said |, ''all deaf persons do. 1o
Il Il are getting along with her finely sh
:, hears every word you say" And | rathe
think she did.
Elated by their success at being under
stood, they went at it, hammer and tong:
g till everything on the mantel-piece cla
:, tered again, and | was seriously afraid {
! a crowd collecting in front of the house
= But the end was near. My aunt, bein
= of an Investigating turn of mind, was d.
" sirous Of finding out whether the exertio
- of talking so loud was not injurious to m
- wife So said she, in an unearthly hoot-
=, for her voice was not as musical it W;
. when she was young-'Doesn' t talking 5
= loud strain your lungs"
- at is an exertion," shrieked my wifi
! "Then why do you do it!'' was the al
~ swering scream.
II "Because-because- cant hear,
a a I don't" squealed my wife.
~ ~ sWhat?' said my aunt, fairly rivallin
III railroad whistle, this time.
:. [ began to think it time to evacuate tt
'e ,e premises; and, looking round, and seeir
'e John gone, stepped into the back parlo
n and there he lay, fiat on his back, with b
~ feet at right angle to his body, rollir
as from side to side, with his fists poked in
Do his ribs, and most agonized expressi'
We of countenance, but not uttering SCUM
No / Immediately and involuntarily assum
a similar attitude; and [ think that, fro
the relative position of our boots and heae
% and our attempts to restrain our laught'
a.. apoplexy must have inevitably ensued,
g horrible groan, which John gave vent