Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-11-09
EuHHYgraEsfhic.


hlmselt-things will take Il turn.
" In Louisville, All anagram on the Lit
tie Giant name has caused considera bic mer.
rlmeht In private crcles-Loud gas!
,GD"What's Biography, Bill" s'lt's tellin'
OF toriln lands that we know uothin' about.
oy 'eHte chaps that's never seen 'em" Xiii
got government situation,
- a little girl, hearing her mother speak
OF going into haii-nourning, asked. "Whv
are you going Into half-mourning, mamma
are any OF your relations half dead 2"
gE Are those bells ringing for fire 81,
inquired Simon OF Tyberias. mo, indeed.v
answered Iibe, ''theY have plenty of fire and
the bells are now ringing for water"
CO We love to listen to the soft breath
lngs OF the flute, the Eol.an melodies of the
harp, and the bewidering tones of the VIC.
lin, but then the kettledrum-sah tbere's
the rub'--a dub.
Father, did you ever have another
vile besides mother ?"
NO, my son; what possessed you to ask
such a question 2"
because saw IN the family Bible wheSs
you married Anna Dominy, 1888, and that
isn't mother, for her name was Sallv Smitb..''
(DA certain divine gave ont psalm to
MS chocisLers, Who attempted to set it to q
new tune but, having made blunder. the
clergyman, when he cane to that part of the
iltany, "L4rd, have mercy on us miserable
sinners" Ia his turn made another blupdar
and read it as follows: Lord, have mercy
on our miserable singers"
BIA midshipman asked a priest TO tall
him the difference between q priest snd .
jackass. The priest gave it up. "One wears
a cross on his back, and the otber ON bis
breast, said the midshiprnan. snow ,, said
the priest, "'tell me the difference between a
inldshlpman and u jackass.'' The midsh;n.
ilsh gave II up, aud asked what it was The
priest said he did not know of any,
APT ILLUs1RArloNs.-"The Dymmykrat
party ought to have tho American aieIa off
its banner this election,' said an honest Pat.
lander, the other day
"Why! = asked a bystander
'.Bekase you see the aigle isn't g double-
headed bprd, and the party IS, wfss.tin55. al
swer.
Pat ~ ITO P'a'7'
Two kilkenny cats, bedad"
a. Martha, does thee love me ?" asked
quaker youth OF one at whose shrine his
hearGs hottest feeling had been offered up.
why, Seth,' answered she, ''we are com
manded 10 love one another, are We not ?'
AYE, Martha; but does thee regard me
with the feeling tic world calls lore e''
II hardly know what to tell tee, Seth.
nave greatly feared that my heart was an
erring one. L have tried to bestow nv love
on ali, but have sometimes thought. per-
haps, that thee was getting rather more than
thy share.'' ''-'
A Too CoMMUNICArIvs CHrLD.--"sopnv.
do you love NE? ?"
cob, don't !"
"What for?"
"beoause you always bring mo CANDY
when you come to seeSis5y Jene. Give me-
some more"
And what does Sissy Jsne love me for ?''
''Ch, cause You t8ke her to concerts. and
give her so many things She says so long
as you are tooi enough to bring her shawls
and bonnets, she won't sack you.--Now give
me some more candy"
A Cool OPERATION. = ''Hallo, their cap
Ling. sdli' DFpLnSf jonathan to- q captain
OF capal packet gu the Erie canal. swhat
do you charge for passagea'
"Three cents per mile, and boarded" said
the captain.
''Wall, I gUess I'll take passage. capting.
seeing as how m kinder gin ont walkin' So
far" .. a
According he got on board as the steward
was ringing the bell for dinner. Jonathan
satdown and began de1noIishing the sGxins'
to the utter consternation Of the cantain
until be bad cleared the table OF all tbat was
eatable, when he got up and went on dacl
picking his teeth very comfortably. 81
'i3ow far is IT, capti1g, from here TO where
got on board2n
Nearly one and a half miles, said the
captain. s. aa - d..
Let's sec.'' said Jonathan, "tllas would
be J9st four ard ahaIfeents; but never mind,
caplng,i won't be small; here is five cents
which pays my fare to here; guess I'il-go
ashore. nowi IA kinder rested eout."
--------aoo- o-r------
CHURcHEs DYIEcs OUT.-An act has passed
She Parliament of Great Britain authorizing
the sale Of some Gtty churches. These
churches have bat about a thousand commu-
nicauts in all, aud onlyabout eight thousand
attendants in all, while their annual cost is
one hundred thousand dollars, or 500 for
each COMMUNICATE. slt
zss2 .GaasI