davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
How to Burn Coal.

Nine out of ten1who attempt to burn
coal in stove, waste about as much
coal as is necessary to be consumed
for the obtaining of all the heat desira~
BILE. Observe the following rules J; ae
Wewill suppose the stove cleaned ont
First to make coal fire. Put in
double handful of shavings, or light
kindling wood instead Fill the earth-
ern cavity (if the stove has one) nearly.
full of chunks Of dry wood, say four
or six inches in length On the top
pnt a dozen Jumps of eggcoal Light
with a paper from beneath. In ten
minutes add about twenty Jumps more
of coal AS soon as the wood has
burnt out. FIJI the cavity half to two
thirds full of coal. The fire will he a
good one. The coal will, by following
these direction, become thoroughly
ignited. W '' o'
i Second, never fiji stove more than
half or two.thirds full of coal, even in
the coolest weather. as3a4hsi-4'ts.s E
Third when the fire is low, never
shake the CRATE or disturb the ashes,
but add from ten to fifteen small lamps
of coal, and set the draft open When
these are heated through and some
I,whatignited, addthe amount necessary
for a new fire, but do not disturb the
ashes yetag Let the draft be open half
an hour. Now shake ont the ashes.
The coal win be thoroughly ignited
and win keep the stove at high heat
from six to twelve hours, according to
| TIE GOODNESS Of the weather. fae g
Fourth, for very cold weather At
ter the fire is made, according to rules
first and third, add every hour about
fifteen to twenty Jumps Of egg coal =
You win find that the ashes made each
hour viii be about in that ratio. aiH
e Wyl ~. 4. j q sh 41t r4s4
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Hard to Please.

Pitts is fast man, sharp man, a
man of business tact. And when Pitts
goes into store to trade, he always
asks the lowest cash price; and he
says -
"Well, I'll look about, and if / don't
find anything that suits me better, TIL
call and take this. y
Pitts, like all fast men, is partial to
women, and young ones in particular.
Now, quite lately, Pitts said to him.
self -
Elm gettin' rather along in years,
and I guess I'll get married"
I His business qualities wouldn't let
him wait, so off he travels, and calling
upon lady friend, opened the CONVEX
sation by remarking that he would like
to know what she thought about his
getting married
"Oh, Mr.. Pitts, that is an affair in
which I am not so very greatly inter
ested. and I prefer to leave it with
yourself"
"But," says Pitts, "you are inter-
ested and. my dear girl, viii you mar
ry me 2"
The young lady blushed very red.
hesitated, and finally, as Pitts was very
well-to-do in the world, and morally,
financially, and politically of good
standing in society, she accepted him ;
whereupon the mater of fact Pitts re-
sponded -
I "Well, well, I'll look about, and if
Il don't find ANYBODY that snits me bet
ter than yon, I'll come hack
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Hold On, Boys.

Hold on to your tongue when you
are just ready to swear or speak harsh.
ly, or any improper word. 4ss@ eas7li' .
Hold on to- your hand when you are
about ready to strike, pinch, scratch,
steal. or do any improper act. W. ~
Hold on to your feet when yon are
on the point Of kicking, running away
from study, or pursuing the path of
error, shame, or crime.
Hold on to your temper, when you
are angry, or imposed upon, or others
are angry about you. - sassr,-
Hold on to your heart when evil as
sociates seek yonr company. and invite
You to join in their games, mirth,. or
revelry. sasb a f4astal &
Hold on to your good name at all
times, for it is more valuable to you
than gold, high places, or fashionable
attiresEE IS - a
Hold on to the truth, for it will
serve well, and do yon good through
out eterlity. @
Hold on toyouf virtue--its is above
/ all price to you, in all times and places.
Hold onto yonr goodcharaeter for
it is, and ever will be, your best
,naolth afF sss&xE IN $ 1E.FsstfN Y
"V~ssA~' "sgsea8 eis sas ss
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
The Mothers influence.

! The mother has most to do with all
that awakens the yong spirit in its early
freshness, and makes thls child that is
to be "father to the man," and she
gives perhaps more of the impress of
her whole being, physical and mental,
to the original constitution and capa-
city of her offspring. Weak men. with
superior wives. have had sons distin-
gnished by every high intellectual abili-
ty; hut the greatest men, with fools
for their portion, have seldom been
anything but the fathers of fools. The
great Lord Bacon was the representa-
tive of one that would have been
memorable and illustious but for the
gigantic and overshadowing genius
of hisson. His father, Sir Nichols.
was twice married his first wife was
a week woman, and bore nothing Init
a mean and poor intellectual offspring;
his second wife was distinguished and
snperior--a woman of capacity. OF
.strong, sense, mental culture, and great
energy she was the mother of Bacon
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
VOLUME Q, NUMBER 60.
Gentle Reproof.

At one of the stations on a western
railroad, an aged man took a seat in
the car in which / was riding. He
soon showed that he had been drinking.
He was very laxative and awfully
-nrofane His language seemed too
bad to be heard but what could be
done +? He would probably resent any
rcproof or good counsel that could be
given trample it under his feet, and
turn again and rend u.s." A gentle
man sitting short distance from him
sought to catch his eye and restrain
him by a steady reproving look. That
not awaiting, he went to the swearer,
and said, in kindly tone, +" / believe,
sir,that You and / are the oldest persons
here, are we not ?
Eyes" he replied, with a pompous
air, | think we are; and | believe /
have the majority"
"Well, then" said the gentleman,
shall we not set good example for
the younger people, and use no bad
words for them to initiate p"
That may be your doctrine" said
he, "but it is not mine"
The gentleman returned to his seat,
aud said no more; but the swearer's
voice fell, and his oaths ceased He
was tanned by gentle reproof Am
Messenger
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Pleasure of Imagination.

n
To think of ice creams when pros
trated beneath the torture of raging
fever.
To read an editors description Of
a character diminished by many ex-
cellent points, and fancy he has drawn
your own portrait.
To dream of finding heaps of gold,
not knowing next morning where to
fad breakfast.
To fancy yourself the object of ad-
miration, when you are walking about
with dish-rag pinned to your coat
tail.
TO be the architect of all your own
honses, and to avoid paying for land
or employing builders, erect them in
the air.
To oper creditors note, threaten
ing proceedings" fancying it to be
an invitation to dinner.
Carrying off new silk umbrella,
under the innocent delusion that il
was your own.
Flattering yourself with the hops
Of assistance from rich relative.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Absinthe.

A french paper thus discourses on
this ligu enr, which is so favorite an
appetite provoker among Europeans !:
China has her opium, the East her
hashish, England her gin. In France
we have a poison that is imbued with
the qualities Of all these poisons, and a
powerful stinlnlenty that galvanizes the
nerves and afeVerishlys surcharges the
brain; we have absinthe. 81 IS hjss
The effects ofthel poison are terrible,
crushing. IA feYerish ecstaey fulliof
delicious dreams, of wild inspirations,
is followed by an overwhelming debili-
ty, a continual state of somnolency ~
The eyes become dull, andathe hands
tremble. No work can be done unless
preceded by a dram of sabsinthe Be
Meath these ceaseless attacks reason
reels, and affatal day comes when the
drinkerlifnds drunkenness, and never
again finds inspiration. Then he is
lost beyond the hope of recovery =
. What was II necessary prelude to his
labors becomes a degrading passion,
daily indulgence which he has not
the courage to abandon. The poet is
dead within him, and the drunkard
alone remains SD
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Wanted.

An intended bride who is willing t
begin house keeping in the same style
| in which her parents began. n
Twenty young ladies who dare
to be seen welding. a busting brush,
or darning their brothers stockings,
if gentleman should happen to make
an early morning call eG d sH (.
ls The same number of independent
young ladies, of s good family who
dare to wear their last winters bonnet
to church.on fine Sunday.apaeb 9di
q The same number of young ladies,
"who are anybody, nfthat dare to be
seen in the street wearing, shoes with
soles thick enough to keep their feet
warm and dry. 78 saa .gia sia4 fs
G The same number of young ladies,
of sufficient age" togo intolcompany, "
who dare confess they even made a
loaf of bread or pudding.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29

Facts for Farmers.

IT. you invest money 10 tools, and
then leave them exposed to the wealth
err it is the same as loaning money to
spendthrift without security loss
iii both cases.
If you invest money in books, and
! never read them, it is the same as put.
ting your money into bank, but new
err drawing either principal or inter
estasj
Iffyou invest money in fine stock.
and do not feed and protect them, it is
the same as putting good hand into
the field with poor tools to work with
If you invest your money in good
farm, and do not cultivate it we'll, it is
the same as marrying good wife, and
so abusing and ensaving her as to crush
her energies and break her heart.
If you invest your money in fine
mousse, ana 90 not so cultivate your
mind and taste so as to adorn it with
intelligence and refinement, it is as if
plo wman were to sit at a jewelers.
table to make and adjust hair springs.
If you invest your money in strong
drink, it is the same as turning hungry
hogs into growing corn6eld-ruin
will follow in both cases
If you invest money in every new
wonder that flaming circulars proclaim,
it is the same as buying tickets at a
lottery Office where there are ten blanks
to one prize.
Ifyou invest your money in the last
novel, it is the same as employing a
tailor's dandy to dig yonr potatoes.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
A Watchmaker's Ruse

A poor matchmaker came down to
settle at populous village. This
person was utterly unknown; but he
rather ingeniously bit on a project to
procure employment. He contrived.
when the church door was opened daily
to send up his son "a lad of address,
to the church tower unseen, and to
alter the clock. This the boy was
enabled to do by q slight knowledge
of his fathers business. This measure
of course, made all the watches in the
neighborhood wrong so repeatedly,
land every one swears by his church
clock, that the owners sent them to
the new concerto be cleaned and repair
ed. This ruse established the artisan.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Bridget's Soliloquy.

ii (STANDING ON THE PAVEMENT IN
FRONT OF A HANDSOME FoUR-sTOR BRICK
MANs1oNyfS STREET. J J
Arrah now, but wasn't I the fool
not to inquire, before | promised, what
for a house he lived in? 70 He wor
nice lookin' gintleman, wild kid gloves
on, and | niver dhramed but that he
residedin.sa fve.sthorya brown-stone
house, and here it's but. a four sthory
brick-sha'n't 60 in I'm not a. goin'
to lower mesel wild me acquaintances,.
|axinathim to come and see me in a
|fourrsthory brick-=not a bit Of it ~
Like as not they've nothin' bitter thin
roast-bafe and rice puddin' commonly,
and I'm not used to such I axed
him if there was standin tubs am hot
an cold wather, and a scoollion to
wash the pots a" kettles an if the
MISTRESS kept out of the kitchen, an
if / could have three dal S out NV the
wake to mesel intirely, and if there was
a. sofa in the basement sittipg-room for
the company, an if they wor one Of
thesfrst families an kept a carriage,
an tould him if the MISTRESS was
agreeable, am minded her own bust
ness, and Liked the looks of things,
probably ia stay at nine dollars a
month, vic scoollion to do the rough
work. but Pm off now like kernel
of corn of, a hot griddle. What has
a person in a fonr-sthoryt brick. to an
swer the advertisement Of highly re-
spectacle, frst-class cook, I'd like wees
to tell me 2 Humph theirimpertance
is astonishin' reno !; yees don't. catch
me goin' in. They'll go widout their
dinner some time, if they wait for me
to get it for 'em. Next time, I'll be
sensible enough to inquire before I
promise-tiring me legs trotting round
after secondErate families.''-she passes
~.slat- at. .i5e k-.s.. .fs..
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Gretna Green

Is small village in Scotland near
the border of England. 1t has become
proverbial for species of marriage
celebrated there according to the laws
of Scotland but not solemnizable in
the same loose form by the English
law. The ceremony merely amounts
to an admission before witnesses,
whether lay or clerical, that the con-
tracing parties are man and wife
such acknowledgement being sufficient,
according to Scottish law, to consti-
tute valid marriage. A certificate
to this effect, signed by the witnesses.
is all that is requisite to render the
union indissoluble. It is of the nature
of ctuiI contract, and may, or may
not, be followed bv religious service
The parties who seek the aid of the soi
disant parsons of Gretna Green are
generally "run away matches " from
England, dissatisfied couples whose
friends refuse to smile upon their union
at home.
The number of marriages of this
sort celebrated along the border is es-
timated at-nearly five hundred a year
of which it may be safely asserted
four hundred and ninety are such as
ought not to have taken place, and
are followed by unhappiness The
fashion of making runaway matches
from England to Gretna Green was
begun about hundred years ago ;
but the usages regulating such marri
ages in Scotland are of much older
date. It is only such persons, how
ever, as desire secrecy that avail them
selves of this form of marriage rather
than the public religious service. =
Burns, the poet, is notable example
His marriage was so secret that the
fact itself was long questioned by his
biographers.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
The Oldest Biblein the Country.

A gentleman in Brooklyn has fine
copy of the Latin Vulgate Bible, print
ed in the year l484. 1t is, conse
quently, three hundred and seventy
five years old. and dates back long
before the Reformation, 70 the time
when Martin Luther was one year old,
and about twenty-four years after the
art Of printing was discovered. This
copy of the Bible is printed in the
black letter. beautifully Illuminated by
hand, with large initial letters at the
beginning of every chapter, alternately
red and blue The color of many of
the letters is of shining Brightness, the
lapse ofcenturies apparently producing
no more effect than if it had been SO
many days. The book is in an excel
lent state of preservation. 1t is Of
small folio size, bound in hog skin,
with clasps.
i&f4fNa Az ss8s 4ssa sf~..
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
What is squantum.

This is great country for new fan
gled terms The latestsis sqantum,r
defined as aspecies of fun knownhto
the Nantucket folks. Here's the exact
descript ion:-sd sa 9 Dearest Sad od
STA party of ladies' and gentleman
go to one of the famous watering
places of resort awhene'they fish, dig
cams, talk, laugh, sing, dance, play,
battle, sail, eat, and have a general
"good time" The food generally
consists of chowder, baked clans,
and fun No one is admitted to the
sacred circle who will take offence at
at joke, and every one is expected
to do his or her part toward creating
"a general laugh. Any man who speaks
of business affairs, excepting matri-
mony, is Immediately reproved, and on
a second offence, publicly chastised. =
Care is thrown to the wind, politics
discarded, ignored, pride BUNDLED,
stations leveled, wealth scorned, virtue
exalted, and this is squantum.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
A Country Doctor,

j The Kuickerbocker does up yarn
/ in superior manner. There is more
truth than poetry in the following
sketch from the experience of coun-
4 try doctor-a fact that more than one
of that badly treated and worst paid
class of individuals would be willing to
verify on oath tip +a g
The poor doctor is called from his
bed on a stormy night with the stirring
summons ,F
doctor, want you to come right
straight away off to Banks. His child's
dead" sii goda
"Then why do you come Pr"
He's poisoned They gin him
laudnum for parogoriky."
4 +" How much have they. givenhim p
Do'no, great deal Think he won't
get over it, ag aar.
The Doctor pushes on through the
storm-with divers mishaps on the
way, and at length arriVesa at the house
of the poisoned patient. He finds it
all closed-not light to be seen
ii He knocks at the door, but no an
swer. He knocks furiously, and at
last rightcap appears at the chamber
window, and woman's voice squeaks
out Yte. a,e1s,.e ~ KOS
" Who's there 2" eg.G
"The doctor to be sure. You sent
/ for him. z es
f. ooh, it's no matter, doctor. Eph
riam is better. We got a little skeered,
kinder. Gin himlaudnpm and he slept
kinder sound, but he's walked up now"
How much laudanum did he swal-
low ?" f.;f
3 "Only twordrops faint hurt him
none. Wonderful bad storm tonight. "
The doctor turns away, buttoning,
up his overcoat under his throat, to
seek. his home again, and tries to whis-
tie away modification and anger, when
the voice calls.
doctor Doctor y
"What do you want?"
"You won't charge nothing for the
visit will We p
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
A Solvent for New York Preiu,
dice.

II is not many months since a col
ored man came to this city from abroad.
/ "A New York merchant had been 10
business connection with him for sew
.eral years, and from that business con-
nection had realized fortune, and felt
that he must treat him kindly When
Sunday came he invited him to go to
church with him. He went, and the
merchant took him into his pew, near
the pulpit, in q fashionable church.
There was prominent member of the
church near the merchant, who saw
this with great amaz ement He could
not mistake--it was a genuine mig
ger" and not counterfeit. MIDWAY
inihis sermon the minister discovered
him, and was SO confused by it that he
lost his place and almost broke down
After service, the man who sat near
the merchant went to him and in great
Indignation asked -
4" What does this mean ~
3"What does W hat mean ~ s
."That you should bring aniggerin-
to this church ~ 8 gde9
/" 1t is my pew"
"Your pew, is it? And because
it is your pew you must insult the
whole congregation =
9" He is intelligent and well educa-
ted" answered the merchant.
What do / care for that; he is q
niger -
"Bnt he is friend Of mine.'
What of that !? Must you, there
fore, insult the whole congregation ? /"
But he is a Christian and a men,
Der of the same denomination.
& What do | care for that? Let
him worship with his niger Christi
ans.
"But he is worth five millions Of
dollars" said the merchant. ,
Worth what?
Five millions of dollars
For Gods sake, introduce me to
him." was the reply.
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Sunday Regulations.

4 d r. HasA .e %
The Merchants and Clerks Gazette
proposes that e '''.'@ ~
The whisky shop be closed, if You.
wish, until 4 O'Clock P. NJ, every
Sunday ; no side doors for admittance
allowed, as is sti1l the custom; after
4 o'clock P M let every public gar
den where music can be played, and
other innocent recreation, be open for
such as need the only enjoyment they
can avail themselves of (Which is the
Sunday, J and you viii find that more
men and women, in company with
their children, viii attend the house of
God than do at present - -'''a
That is, the editor thinks, that if the
choice lies between getting drunk and
going to church, the former viii be
elected, but if people can't get drunk,
they viii go to church. So he would
compromise the matter by having them
serve God till four O'Clock and the devil
afterward ere ~ . =" ?
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29

b at b. So 3
To-day the sun shines on the same, s ts5-
Even as it shone, when joyously thou, and /,
Went forth in youths bright morn, to gather
.rr.T flowers tfss l.i,.,4
Sweet dewy flowers, so soon to fade and die
And hast thou forgotten, dear, dear friend Of
mine. sss-., ~ ss.s2vS s.F
Tho long ago, the wreathe i bound upon thy
brow,
ofswest wild-fowers,. wined meath the, wood
land shalef e n ~
Friendships offering aost tliqa remember
now tegn ktA -
Dost thou remember, how two merry-hearted
s&1sssa girls B aJii i@sk3 fISAA
Trusting sweet sunny hope, in all their youth
full pride, uH fl5s
Pledged oft their frie ndship in the days gone
Musing lightly the future, as they wander
ed side by side
And thou'rt bride, a fair. and loving bride,
And. oh give thee. joy through all thy
coming life,
May flowers wreathe thy brow and each day
Thee my much loved one, true and trusting
hw. wife 70 s.smssFy.sU %.
May iove'and friendship ever and a sweet re-
pose 8LItkS
Within thy, heart , oh, DEAR dear friend of
mine, 5f,slssaS3!
Oh, fair young wife, may roses line thy path
" way,
And Ger thy welded love bright sunray $
shine. .fsbsessH
May'st thou be happy, even as thou'st happy
now,
Oft will l bring thy name before the Tyrone,
In the bright morning, and at evening still the
same, EAY go Glj4
God bless the dear one and HIS peace be IN
thy home.
Pnna, Illinois zHAil t8 sf>9a IS
The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-02-29
Month's department.

Mr.. EDITOR - bash aas M
By reference to your week before
lasts issue, see that our Mathematical
friend, j r. p, sends only one an
swer to the sheep" sum, that he
sent three weeks sinceinthelrs Youths
Department of your valuable paper.
By the solution | send you, he. will
readily see that 80 different answers
can be obtained-but no more-from
the question. 1s
Let x-the number of sheep the man
Let vt he number of lambs the man
had e@.I' vs. 81
Then OL2 y x 2x-s-2OO from
theseonditiens given easa as
Then (2)-6y $500 by clear
ing Eq (D of fractions
Then (3)-ey=6Oo r by trans
pOSlClOn. - H9} taA 441 tt.sH ste
Then (O-y-lO0-x-3 by dividing
Eq (3) by s. bs.ssssl ,.of I'd ...9s.e
Now, since we consider only the IN
tegral values of US. the fraction must
be whole number. =. =. - -. - Z
Letan4that fraction. 7s5s an
Then (5)-x-3-n, sF.a ID. sesas
Then (6)-x=3n by clearing Eq 60
of fractions.
BY substituting the value of in
Eq (4) we have
Then (7)-y=l0O-3n-3.
Then if we let nj we will have
Then (8)-y=100-l.
Then (9)-y=99, the number of
lambs.
BY substituting this value of YIN
Eq o. we have
Then (10)-l98 X 2x-3=2OO.
Them z 1H2z7a 8 z by t ira g g
tion.
Then Q2)-2x-6 by multiplying
Eq (1l) by 81 ~ - es m
Then (13)-xAa the humber Of
sheep.
By letting Amy integral number
from l to 80 inclusive, we can obtain
80 different answers.
/ am, Sir,
Yours, very truly
3 ~ Sim. SOpDYeKE.