Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1860-12-15

81 call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere
call thee coward; but l would give thousand
pounds II L could run as fast as thou eanst.'-
SHAKESPEARE.
Kansas has not been abundantly blessed
with federal judges, but the incalculable boon
of having Williams, Joseph Of that iik amply
atones for any faults Of the past or fears Of the
future. Williams the venerable in addition to
his great legal acumen, sings the bar-strangled
spanner charmingly; tells stories with mimi.
table grace; drinks almost any kind Of "Spir-
lis" with the greatest ease, and can run like
any lackey. ~ brick, in fact, is Williams
Indeed, we never knew but two other men in
the country that could be compared to him.
One OF them is NJ. jefferson Thompson,
whose peaceable slumbers are now so agreea-
bly, haunted with colossal hetacombs OF muir
dered mothers and pyramids OF slaughtered
children feeding the hungry dogs, and whose
waking hours bring no relief, as he is still
troubled with visions OF a million or two of
rayished women cry ing 10 heaven Tor death IN
their despair; the ether gentleman is now an
inmate OF very popular resort Tor persons
troubled with such sights, located at the CAPT
tai of Ohio.
Williams, however, is the proprietor of
small court i'll southern Kansas. He runs the
court when he isn't scared by jay hawkers,
and runs himself when he is. This latter
event came to pass week ago. Williams
heard news, and saw visions. Some one sent
him word that Montgomery was on his track :;
that the jay haw kers intended to court tie
court aud Judge the judge. Immediately to
his aStonished vision, every unUtlrnding lree
became Jay hawker, and every peaceful bush
follower OF their chief He saw Muntgum
cry coming down upon him, like a w0t ON
the told, armed with Il Sharp's rife breech
loading cannon, ten OF Colts latest patent a
United States carbinc, a hall dozen tOma.
hawks, four dozen scalpng knives, gross of
qaggers, and two hundred sword canes. all of
which were stuck in a belt he had buckled
around him, and which also held his panta-
looms up He had thousand or two OF fol.
lowers, all armed with the same offensive wea.
pons Of domestic warfare. All these Williams
saw.
Williams can stand almost any kind of
visions he's used to nightmare and was never
scared by the Rochester mppings, but this
vision was too much tor him. lie cut stick
took his departure-decamped
squatuated; he went to Missouri and to tee.
graphing. And feeling that he was scared
himself, and might be laughed at for his pains,
he felt 1t his duty % scare that peaceful state,
in order that he might have company in his
misery. He did, he sent the dispatches
We hope he paid for them. He scared every
one Ill idct, tHal IKE himself, was SUBJECT to
attacks OF concrete fright and petrfed alarm
and having done this, and succeeded in putting
broad grin on the face OF every sensible
man i'll the country, thus doing good work
by siding them i'll growing fat, lie subsidized,
since which time he las not been heard from,
but we hope he is still well, or, at least, safe,
for his men in buelram have turned out to be
multiplied fancieS of his own brain the harm
less trees and noffensive bushes he mstook
for belligerent jay-hawkers are still enjoying
their naturally peaceful growth, and the sun
still pursues the even tenor OF his way 4; and
we hope Williams is by this time satisfied with
what he has done, and ready to initiate the
eminent Mr. Burton who in his favorite char
acter, Toby Tramp" alias "The Mummy"
comes down to the lootlights in his Egvptian
costume, and after inspecting himself ex-
claims, 'Ill be - if I'm not ashamed OF my
self"