The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1860-09-12
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= The office holders game-crib-

oaSo'
- Money may be paid but kindness
never.
- As perfume to the rose, so is nature
to the lovely.
- Noble birth should be perpetual
Indictment to noble deeds.
- A factious liberty is moro danger
GUS than down right despotism.
= There is man in Brooklyn, who
lives so fast that he is now absolutely old
er than his Dad.
- In China the natives call an Eng
lishman, 6" say" A Yankee would be
called 81 guess"
= Never repember the benefits you
have conferred nor forget the favors that
you have received.
- What nouns are declined by men,
and womenl Money by the men, and
naatrimony by the ladies.
- A householder, in describing q
used up horse, said he looked as if he had
been editing a daily newspaper!
- There is man out west who labors
under the delusion that "Hon." placed
before mans name stands for honest
- If you would not be forgotten when
you are dead, write something worth read
ing or do something worth writing.
- A man in love has little need of
victuals. So if your landlady doesn't
give you enough to eat, fall in love with
her.
- A true picture of despair is pig
reaching through hole in the fence to
get cabbage that is only few inches
beyond his reach.
- 1t was the saying Of Sir Robert
Peel, never knew man to escape fail
ure in either body or mind, who worked
seven days in the week"
"Dear Laura, when we were court
ing, you were very dear to me; but now
you're my wife and | am paying your
bills, you seem to get dearer and dear
erw
A cotemporary inquired if the
young ladies of the present day are fitted
for wives. We think it much more inn
portant question whether they are fitted
for husbands.
A boozy fellow was observed the
other day, driving porker, holding on
to his tail, and when asked what he was
doing, replied that he was studying ge
biography
- An exchange says, "hogs get fat
by their pens-editors never" The worlC
would suffer little loss or have little cause
for regret if some editors and some hog
would exchange pens.
-"Why is the letter ID like ring? 2
asked young lady of lover who was
as dull as the generality of his sex il
such situation. Because" added The
damsel, with modest look, "because 10,
can't be wed without it.
- "Good morning, Patrick" said ,
gentleman to his Irish laborcr. "Slp
perry this morning" "Slippery and b
jabers, it is nothing else, yer honor. Up
on my word, slid down three time
without getting up once"
- An Irishman, working on the canal
recently, walked into the water, and com
ing across large turtle, with head anC
legs extended, retreated under great ex
, element, holering to his companion tina
) he had found box full of snakes.
- Grammar in the Back Woods
0 Boys and girls must have their play
" Joe, parse boys"
"Boys am particular, noun, singula
number, uncertain mood, laughable case
D and agrees with the girls"
"The next"
Girls is musical noun, inferior nun
Der, uncertain mood, and belongs to tn
boys, with whom it agrees"
# "School is dismissed"
y During tho last war Quaker wa
o on board an American ship, engaged i
: close combat with an enemy. He preserve
his peace principles calmly until no say
a stout Briton coming up the vessel by
; rope that hung overheard. Selling
:. hatchet the Quaker looked over the sid
! of the ship and remarked: "Friend,
thee wants that thee may have it.
When suiting the action to the word, b
cut the rope, and down went the poo
o fellow to deep and watery grave.
- A young man rather verdant an,
very sentimental, while making himscl
VI interesting to young lady the other eve
n ming, by quoting, from the poets, to 9th
or choice and rare extracts added this:
"There's no place like home"
v "Do you really think sop said th
. young lady.
"Oh, yes" was the reply.
= "Then why don't you stay there
n said calico.
"Bill, you young scamp, if you ha
your due, you'd get a good whipping
@ ~ know il, daddy, but bills are nc
!. always paid when they become DUE"
. The agonized father trembled lest hi
b hopeful son should be suddenly snatche