The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1860-10-17
A Wide Awake Lecture.

A Wide Awake Lecture.
A pretty time indeed for you to
come home, sir 4! Where have you
been all night You smell as if you
had been in search Of Symmes' through
a tar barrel. Talk of sulpheretted by
drogen, or snperannuated eggs They
amt anywhere. Say, where have you
been !? Here I've been lying awake
for the last five hours, waiting for you
to come. Now ] want to know where
you have been all this time Wish I
aCould'ent bother you-teU me IN the
morning? want to know now it's
near enough morning to know where
ones husband has been all night and
particularly if he comes home perfnmed
clear through as you are You mustn't
good wife me. That won't answer.
Suppose you were woman, and yonr
husband should go off every night in
the week, and come home as you do,
and-I wish you'd get up and let some
fresh all in the room, or / shall GER
tainly suffoeate-what would you say ?
Don't you imagine there would be a
row in the family +? Been aUith the
Vide Aacdkes / should think as
much. You're a wide awake fool,
that's what you are. I've always
thought you had sense enough to par
ade the streets with those Niger low
ers. Why did Imdrry goa? That's
pretty question. Didn't you swear
that you'd shoot yourself if didn't
take pity OF you ? Pm sorry didn't
allow you to shoot, or hang, or drown
yourself. It would have been the
very best / ever did in ny life. What
is it smells so? Nothing ? Don't
tell me nothing it never smelled SO
in the world. Had to carry torch +?
That's sweet business for a man who
pretends to be the father of large
family. Next thing | shall expect to
hear from you is, that you've been
splitting rails for general circulation.
l knoto nothing about politics p
Don't, Ell ? / don't want to know
nothing about politics, if / have to ne
glect my family and carry sinking
torches for the benefit of lazy man
in Illinois who is trying to be Presi-
dent.
Want to sleep2 / thought you
were a Wide Awake. | suppose
you've kept awake tonight on whis-
key haven't you? Where have you
been all this time ? the town clock
has just struck three Been to Ton
amanda to RAISE a liberty pole =
That's sweet note. Why didn't the
Wide Awakes of Tonawan raise
their own pole? Expect Republicans
are scarce in that section, and you've
been trying to make great splurge.
Well, you can't fool anybody. / be-
lieve | know something of politics
myself, and / know that you are
drunk. That's what you are. Must
go to sleep, must you ? Why didn't
you think of that before I've had
no sleep to night, and you, never
once thought of me. You're an old
brute, and just such man as ought
to vote for an old rail splitter Vote
J. for Mr.. Douglas If Ilet you alone ?
Mr.. Douglas don't want any such
votes. He will be elected without
your vote. But now that you show
signs of returning reason, I'll let you
go to sleep.
A young man fresh from his travels
was relating to large company in the
! parlor of fashionable hotel, the won
ders he had seen, particularly in Egypt.
Among other wonders he had seen 8
cannon so large that when it came
on to rain the coach that he was il
was driven, horses and all, into The
muzzle of the gun to get out OF the
storm. Ore of his auditors Can ole
salt, in land toggery) smiled at tht
story, whereupon our traveller, in NJ
very good humor, asked, Well, sir
do you doubt my word 7" "Oh, no
not at ALL" was jacks reply, ut wal
the coincidence that caused me t.
smile. l know you are correct, for i
SO happened that | was inside Of the
gun in a curricle, and when yon drov'
in at the muzzle, / drove out at thu
touch-hole
Timidity to young man Is bette
than cool impudence. lis pity tn
ladies won't think so.