Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1860-09-20
Wit MN 1nmur.

Smith had lately bought horse, with the
intention Of making asplurge upon the road
Having no stable of his own lie was COM
pelled to put it in The charge of hotel keep
er' Now Smith is very proud Of his horse,
and is always hanging round the stable; adj
miringit
Don't you think my horse has good deal
of ere in him?" he asked of the hostler
well yes. said the hostler, scratching his
head. and pointing to bin full Of oats the
horse eating, IL should say he had a good
deal Of the devouring elements in him."
An Irish Judge tried two most notorious
fellows for highway robbery. To the aston
ishment of the court, as well as of the pris-
ontrs themselves, they were found not guilty
AS they were being removed from the bar,
the judge. addressing the jailor, said
"Mr. Murphey, you would greatly ease my
mind if you would keep those two respecta-
BILE gentlemen until seven, or half past seven
O'Clock, for mean to start for Dublin at FIVE
and | should like to have at least two hours
the start Of them.
For the other half of a eourting match
there is nothing like an interesting widow
There is as much difference In courting dam
sci and an attractive widow as there is in ei-
phering in addition and the double rule of
three. Courting a girl is like eating fruit
all very nice ss far as it extends; but doing
the amiable to the blue-eyed bereavsd one in
black Grape comes under the head Of pre-
serves-rich pungent syrup. For delicats
counting, we repeat, give us Give widder."
An old Dutchman undertook to walop his
son, but jake turned upon him and waIlop-
ed him. The old man coDsolsd himself for
his defeat by rejoicing at his sons manhood.
He said:-"VeH, Jake is smart fellow. He
can vip his own taddy.
'Hellow, Steward!" exclaimed a fellow In
one of the steamboats,, after having retired
to his bod. "Hsllow, stewardr'
Here, massa."
"Bring me the way-bi1I."
"What for, NASSAU"
want to see if these (big) bed tugs put
down their names for this berth before did
II want them turned ost."
A Scene.-Dry goods stores are sometimes
the scenes OF humorous conversations.
The other day young lady stepped into
a well know n establishment in town and in
quired of fine looking young clerk:
Sir have you any mousc-colored ladies'
gloves2"
Mouse-colored ladies, n1iss7'
'Yes-a sort of gray, Just the color Of your
drawers, meaning ths store-drawers of course
which were painted gray
My drawers, Miss, " calculated the young
nan, glancing downward to see if everything
Was right and tight. MY drawers, Miss"
Why dcd't wear anyp
Tho young lady was carried home on a
shutter.
droll fellow was asked by an old lady TO
-ead the newspaper, and taking 1t began an
night yesterday morning about
'wo in the afternoon, before break fast, hum
cry boy about forty yenrs old, bought a Gus
ard for lovy, and threw it shrough a brick
vail nine feet thick, and jumping oter il
'roke his right ankle off above the left knee
ell into dry mill pond and was drowned
About forty years after that on the same dav
n old cat had twenty turkey gtblers, high
Wind blew Yankee Doodle on a frying pan,
nd knocked the old Dutch churn down and
illed SOW and two dead pigs at Boston.
here deaf and dumb old man was talkipa
'rcnch to his old aunt Peter
The old lady taking a long breath, exclam-
d-Du telt'
physician thus addressed surgeon while
, their patients chamber:
You must not forget to phlebotomize tho
ID gentleman Tomorrow
Il wont suffer it!' cried tho sick m,p. in
light
Don't be alarmed, SIR replied the surgeon
he doctor orders you to be bled.'
oh, a. for the bleeding replied be that
,atters little; but as for the other, would
'oner die than endure it,