Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1860-10-13
Artemus Ward Secs the Prince of
II. WRleA


lerable life. | cnwt glimpse of him as be
set on the Pizarro of the hotel in Sarna,
Il elbowed myself threw crowd of wimin
children, sojers, & Iujns that was han gin
round the tavern. | was DRAWN neer to
the Prince, when red fased man in mil
lingtery klose grabbed holt of me and axed
me WHARF | was goin all so bold :? ..,
" To see Albert Edard the Prince Of
Whales sez | "who be you ?"
He sed he was kurnal Of the Serenity
rust Regiment Her Majesty's troops l
told him hoped the Seventy Onesters was
IN good health, and was passin BY him
when be ceased hold of me agin, and sed
in tone of Judgment cisprise:
What? Impossible! 1t kannot be (!
Blarst me hize, sir, did understan' yu to
say that you was actooally goin into the
presents Of his Royal Iniss p"
That's what's the matter with me-"
replied.
:Bat blarst my hize, sir, its onprese-
denied. It's orful, sir Nothin like it
hain't happened sins the Gunpowder Plot
of Guy Forks. Owdashus man, who air
your"
Sir, = sez l. drawin myself up & putin
on defiant air, line Amerycan sitter
zen. My name is WARD. line husband
Il father of twins, which line happy to
state they look like me. BY perfeshun line
a exhibitor of wax wurks & sich."
Good God !" yelled the kurual, the
idea OF exhibitor Of wax tiggers gon in
to the presents of Royalty The British
Lion may well roar with rage at the
thawt!"
Sez /, "Speakin of the British Lion,
hurnel lde like to make a bargain with
you fur that beast fur few weeks to add
to my Show. | dident meen nothn by
this. | was only gettin OFF COAX. but
you orter hev seen the old kurnal Jump
up and how. He actooa'ly fomed at the
mowth. -.
"This can't be real" he showtid "No
no, it's horrid dream Sir, YOU air not
human bein-you hev no exis;ents-yure
a Myth =
"WalI," sez l, "old boss, yulc find me
rather uncomfortable Myth ef you punch
my innerds in that way again. began
10 git little riled, for when he called me
q Myth he punched me purity hard The
hurnel now comment showtju for the Sc
venty Onesters. | at fust thawt I'd stay
and becum Marter to British Outraie as
slch course mite git my name up & be a
good advertisement fur my show but it
occurred to me that if any Of the Seventy
Onesters should happen to insert barro>
net into my stummick it might be onples-
unit, Il | was on the pint of runnin OFF,
when the Prince hisself cum up and axed
me what the matter was Sez !, albert
! + lard, is that yu?" h he smilt & sed it
was. Sez |, albert Edard, hears nv
keerd. cum to pay my respecks to the
tutur King of lnsland. The kurual of
the Seventy Onesters hear, is rather small
purtaters, but Of course you aint to blame
fur that He puts on as many airs as tho
he war the Bully Boy with the glass eye. y
"Never mind,' sed Albert Edard, "lme
glad to see yer, Mr. Ward, at all events,
Il he TUX my hand so pleasant like & lart-
ed so sweet that fell in love with him a,
onct lie handid me segar and we so,
down on the pizarro aud commenct smok-
ing right cheerful
f Wall, sez |, ALBERT Edard. how's the
old folks~
Her Majesty & the Prince are WE'LL >
he said.
"Duz the old man take his lager beer
rugular?' Inquired
The Prince larfed, and intermated tha,
the cid man didn't let many kegs Of that
beveridge spile in the sclIar in the coarse
of yere. We sot and tawked there sum
time about matters 4 things. 4 bimeby |
axed him how he liked to be Prince as fur
as he'd got
"Tu speak plain, Mister Ward, he sed
II don't much like it. line sick Of all this
bowin & scrapin 4 crawln 4 hurrain over
boy like me. | would rather go threw
the country quietly and enjoy myself in
my own way, with the other boys, and not
to be made a show of to be grapei at by
every boldly. When the people cheer me
fee! pleased, canso | no they meen it,
but if these one-hoss ohshuls Good no how
| see threw all their muves Il understand
exactly whot they air after, 4 noed how
larted at EN- in privit, thayd step kissir
my hand. and fawnin after me Rs thev dc
7 now. But you no Mr.. Ward. cant hclr
bein Prince, Il must do all | kin to it
myself for the perslshan l must suntime
ockepi."
, That's troo,' sez I. sickness and the
doctors will carry the Queen OFF one OF
these dase, sure's yer born"
The time haven arove for me to take my
departer | rose up and sed. albert Ed
= ward, must 60, but prcvs to doin so
. will obsarve that you SCOT me. You're a
good feller Albert Edward 4 tho line agir
Princes as gineral thing, | must say
like The cut of yure Glib. When you git
l to be King try and be as good man as
yure mu,her has bin. Be Just & be Jener.
. US, espeshully to showmen, who hev alters
been aboozed sins the days of Noah, who
was the fust man to go into the Menagery
3 bizness, & eff the daily papers of his time
: air to be bleevsd Noah's colleckshun Of
? livin wild beests beat enything ever seen
sins, tho | make bold to dowt ef his snaik,
was ahed Of mine. Albert Edward adoo =
: | took his hand which he shook warmly, 4
given him a perpetooal free pars to my
I show, u also parses to take home for the
Queen Old Albert, put on my hat &
= walkt away -~.~-
e Mrs. Ward solilerquized, as walk
a along, "Mrs Ward, eff you could see you,
husband now, jest as he proudly emerji>
from the presents of the futur King o
lngland. you'd be sorry you called him q
: Beest Jest becawz he come home tired
mite and wanted to 60 to bed without tax.
in to deprive your husband Of the price.
less Boon OF Liberty, Betsy Jane -
. a1. A. WARD.
t How TO KEEP MELONS FOR WINTER
. As the close of the watermelon season is
!. approaching, it might, perhaps, be inter.