Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1860-08-10
Fu,anygrapIas.


Fumnygraphs.
- The phrase, ssfghting upon his own
hook, "is now. more elegantly. rendered
"waging war upon the individuality of his
personal curve" 'sf
ny A young lady in Rails county oaptur-
&c beaver lately, aud also the man who
was carrying it about on his head, Young
ladies are given to such tricks.
w"Oome, Charley, get up-it's the early
bird that catches the worm"
"Well dad, I've had the " orms once, and
/ don't want, Fem any more, that's so.'. =.
NgAn English paper says that General
/! bred Scott commando the United States
| Army" We don't wonder at the above
mistake. They have good reason to "Dred"
old Lundy's Lane over there. z 90
AHALF. Way STATESMAN Senator Doug.
| las, while "doing" Connections, said be
'stood halfway between the two extreme
parties.p He won't get halfway to the
| Presidency, Chicago Journal.
ONE CT THE B'HoYs.-A man in stopping
his paper, recently wrote:
81 think foxes doant ort to spend thare
mummy on papers, my fother never did an
eyry boldly ssd he wus thee smartest mann
in'the kountree, and had gott the intellygen-
tist famili of Boys that . vver dugg taters."
~ We overheard one of the unterrified
get off the following good one, in expressing
his private opinion the other day: swell,
Bob -hic-the Demo-hlc-racy are a.
hic-powerful nation-hic but III be i d
if I-hio-beleye they -hic-can elect two
-hic-Presidents in one year, no how !"-
4 ElkhGrt Timer. a+ -',-...,...--..4
| WA young woman named Sinclair has
published q volume of poems She addresses
the following lines to her sweetheart:
}f ! would were that nice cigar
| That rests between your lips,
For, oh, grudgs, the honey aJ g.
Of the nectar which it SIPS -.
We are in doubt as to whether young
woman would smoke well, but we'd like to
try one in loose Havana wrapper.
w Among tile objections urged against
Gen. Lane, the Secession candidate for Vice
President, by the citizens of Dubuque,
according to the 1imes, are the following :
Frst-He spells God With little g. @
Second-He spells barracks, bar.rax.
Third He spells dirt with two rs. 81
Fourth-When in Mexico, he dated let
ter "Very Croose. "a1-l- .a
Fifth and last-He can't keep hotel.
TIE DUTcnMAN's LITTLE BILL.-The fol.
lowing is correct transcript OF q bill pre-
sented short time since to the Captain of
an Ohio river steamer. The copy was taken
by one of her passengers and handed to us
as curiosity. We assure our mercantile
readers who may puzzle their brains over it,
that the bill is correct in every particular /;
nothing is omitted and the ''balance due
was promptly paid. Here is the bill uer6at.
uns ct iterat,n
/ - CINCINNATI, April the 16, 1860.
Capting 5 Nal
To Iron Chairs "a 81 $i4 %
Wooden Do 90
Wood Do ..... Z 0(
balance due 81 90
On the bill being presented to the clerk,
he stared with astonshment, as we'll he might
at the charge of four chairs, calling Schmidt
not only rascal for charging the boat with
four chairs, but fool in not being able to
add up the total correctly. Words grew
warm, when the captain was called in.
lie knew Schmidt to be honest and that
the thing was capable of explanation, and
also knew he owed for only one chair
"You remember" said he to Schmidt, "that
l told you to bring aboard two chairs, and
you did So" ''Yaw," said Schmidt. ''Well
afterwards told you. that one wouldn't dc
and one would do, and kept but one. =
"Dat shust So" said Schmidt, "and shust Of
to pill sav"-pointing to the last items-"l
wooden do and l wood do you owes seven
tollers."
A new light broke in upon the captain
and clerk, all had hearty laugh at the
honest bookkeeping Of Schmidt, ard "bal.
due" was paid.