The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1860-01-26
G0(jt aU0 BUmOr
An Adventure on tho Cars.

An Adventure on the Cars.
There were five Of us-yes, FIVE as
happy fellows as were ever let loose from
college. II was "vacation," and we con.
oluded to make a trip to the Falls. We
got aboard the cars at n, and
were soon travelling very rapidly toward
our destination.
We had just seated ourselves and pre-
pared for a comfortable smoke, when in
came the conductor, and who should it be
but our old friend Fred B--2After
the common salutations-"How are you,
old fellow" etc. had passed, Fred said
he had some business for us to oattond to.
"Out with it, old chum, said we;
"anythiug at all will be acceptable, 50
let us have IL.
DWELL, boys" said Fred, in a worry
. confidential tone, Gin that next car
there is as 'loviu pair as it was eyer
my lot to see, They are going down to
L. to get married, and now if you
can have any fun over it, just pitch in.
They must be cared for, and 1 don
know who can do it better than you"
In moment Fred was gone, and we
set our heads together, to form a plan
for taking care of the lovers
II have it, boys" said Bill Sewers;
"wc must make that girl think that her
lover is a married."
"Thats it, Bill-that's it, said we,
not giving him time to finish the sen
, tence.
"That he is married man and the
father of children"
That's the game, boys now let us
play it."
1t devolved upon me to commence
I operations. Accordingly, I entered the
car in which we were informed the low
y ers we're. The girl, thinking, I suppose,
v that she must give her lover all the seat,
, had taken q seat on his knee and he,
for the purpose Of protecting her, Of
+ course, had thrown his arm around her
1 waist; and so they sat- in real, soft low
q ers' style.
All this I gathered at a glance
+ Stepping up to them, I said:
Il "Why, Jones, what in the deuce arc
T. you doing with this girl?"
The girl arose hastily and seated her
self on the seat
/, "See here, stranger" said the fellow,
7 you're a mite mistaken; my name amt
Jones"
"Why Jones" said ], "you certainly
haven't left your wife and children, and
tried to palm yourself off for a single
! man, have you?'
81 tell you my name aiu't Jones; it's
: Harper. 1t never was Jones; faint a
t goin' to be uuther."
merely shook my head, and passed
@ on to another seat to see the rest of the
Z fun. The girl looked "wild" after /
: sat down; but Jones, alias Harper, soon
i convinced her that l was mistaken.
"Why, Jones, you here? How did
you leave your wife and babies?'
Nov see here, stranger, you ain'tthe
fust man that's called me Jones to-day,
; an' I reckon must look orfully like
. him; but I amt Jones; and more'n that,
you mustn't call me Jones. hain't
e got a wife, nor babies either; but this
c ere gal an me is going to splice, an
then you can talk about my wife, and l
r wouldn't wonder but what in the course
. Of time, you might talk about the ba-
j bcs too; but you mustn t call me Jones!'
. This retort brought forth vociforous
o laughter from the spectators, and also
e brought bushes to the face Of 1.-THE gal
" that was goin to be splced."
/, "Ah, Jones" said Gregg, "you will
regret this in the future. pity your
a wife and children, and this poor girl. "
p $50 Mr.. Harper, your real name is
, Jones, is it; an you've been foolin' me,
a have you? Well, we amt spliced yet,
an I don't think VIC will be, soon,
said the girl, and her eyes fairly flashed
FIRE.
"Jane, Jane" said Harper, "dont
you know I'm Bill Harper? Thar amt
darn drop of Jouos blood in me, an
I'll prove it,
Atthis moment, JEFF Jackson, Bill
Sewers, and Jim Beyers entered, and of
course their attention was called to Ilar-
per by his loud talking. They stepped
+ Iup TO him and said:
"Why, Jones, what is all this fuss
about"
q This was more than Harper could
stand. He lcaped upon a seat:
"Now," said he, "my name aint
Jones, an 1 can lick the fellow that
says tits"
' BY this time We had got to Il
and our friend Fred came into the car
and made Harper keep quiet. The
girl that wouldn't be "spliced" request
cd Fred to help her on the train that
6 was going back to y, which he
7 did, and the notorious Jones, alias Har-
2 per, followed her. We learned after
. ward that he proved himself TO be Bill
! Harper, instead of Bill Jones, and he
# and his gal Jane "got spliced.'
A renowned olergymay of New York
% lately preached rather a long sermon
from the text-"Thou art weighed
in the balance and found wanting -
= After the congregation had listened
about an hour, some began to get weary