Litchfield enquirer., 1860-06-28
Whole No. 1880.
Darieties.

kDOWn!
! "The highest latitude known ia that
which Bill Jones allows his feelings, when
Waiting with our Kate"
1t is unnecessary to say that Bobby WAS
Immediately marched off to bed.
! "How could you make thin child fst?n
| well, just pitch him out Of the window.
and be will come down plump"
A wag remarked, the other day. with a
very grave countenance, that, "however pru-
dent and virtuous young widows might be.
he had seen many widow-err.
"You look" said an Irishman to pale.
haggard smoker, las if you had got out Of
your grave to light your segar, and couldn't
find your way back again"
At dinner in Springfield, Massachu.
sets, lady sent the following volunteer
toast: Spruce old bachelors-the sver.
greens Of society"
A new stove has been invented for the
comfort Of travellers; it is to be put under
the feet, with mustard plaster on the
head, which draws the heat through the
whole system"
| Pompey, what am dat dat goes when
de wagon goes, stops when dc wagon stops;
it am no use to de wagon, and yet de wsg.
on can't 60 without it?"
II CUBS dat up Glenn"
"Why, de noise, oh course"
WIT BOTTLED IN VERSE.
Were you ever in Cork, sirs" Foote was asked
one day,
And the actor replied, in his humorous way,
That though in most cities of note he had been,
Yet of Cork twas the drawings alone that he'd
seen."
1.-THE candles you sold me, last night.
were very bad" said Suett to tallow chan
der
Indeed, sir" said he, 'I'm very sorry
for that"
"Yes, sir; do you know that they burnt
to the middle, and then wouldn't burn any
longer"
outl"
"No, sir"
"What then?"
"They burnt shorterl"
| A lady wrote upon window some verses,
intmating her design Of never marrying. A
gentleman wrote tho following lines under
meath:
"The lady whose resolve these words betoksn
Wrote them on glass, to show it may be broken"
To which he might have added:
"And then, with honest fear that too might rue IL,
Wrote it on glass, that you'd at least soc
through it."
A Yankee editor says that he liked to died
lar6n, to SEQ drunkin' chap tryin' to pock-
ct the shadow of q swinging sign for pock-
ct handkerchief
"Shall / have your hand :" said an ex-
quisite to belle, as the dance was about to
commence.
"Witb all my heart" was the soft re.
Spouse.
! Some one says "there Is nothing more
willy than woman when she once makes up
her mind to be rogue" About that time
keep your eyes on her. .-.
| A young man, just commencing house
keeping, said he did not find it half so hard
to get married as he did to get the furni-
ture.
A druggist sent his Irish porter into O
darkened cellar soon after, bearing o noise,
he went to the opening, and called out
Patrick. keep your eyes skinned !" "Och,
niver an eye" roared Pat, but it's my
nose that's skint intirely."
"Do you find the bump of generosity
there 2" said silly fellow, whose head was
undergoing chronological inspection. '"rhere
is something here rather giving" said the
man Of heads, pressing bis fingers on the
skull"
A sprig of divinity, preaching on the fall
and repentance Of Peter, referred to the
Growing parsonage as the fsathered indl-
vidual"
"Love in q Cottage Is all very well,
when you oaom the cottage, and have lots Of
money out at interest.
The Springfield Republican is responsible
for the following:
| Come here, George, I wish to examine
you in punctuation. What's thatI
Georpe-That that's comma.
Mistress-Right now, what's that
George-Ah now you've got me where
nv hairs short I dun kno.
Mistress--George I do not wish You to
use any slang phrases here. When you are
unable to give correct answers. say so, but
do not repeat such phrases as that which
You have just used. Now, what's thati
George dun kno.
Mistress-Dont know what that isl
Why, that's period.
George Cooking critically at the point in
question --Ha ! ha l ha Now, I've got
gov where your hairs short tbat amt
pathin' only q fly dirt
Mistress (re.examing critically )-George
you are dismissed.
"a H1Npoo SroRY."-A poor Hlndoo,
having been released from the cares Of this
world, and from scurvy wife, presented
himself OF the gate Of Brahsma's paradise.
s'Haye you been through purgatory!" asked
the god. "No! but have been married."
he replied, seriously. Come in, then; It's
all the same" At this moment arrived an
other man, just defunct, who begged Of
Brahma to be permitted to 70 in also.
/" Softly, softly! have you been through pur.
ratory? "No! but what Of that? Did you
not admit, moment ago, one who had not
been there any more than II" Certainly;
but he has been married" Married. Who
are You talking to? ] have been married
l ssnh ,,r1n,r un..lsnI Tlnntrnas