Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1859-09-30
Divorced by Mistake.

One winter there came 10 Trenton, New
( Jersey, two men, named Smith and Jones
who had both of them designs on the legis
laiure. Jones had bad wife and was ii
love with a pretty woman--he wished to
be divorced from his bad wife, SO iha, he
might marry the pretty woman, who, by
the way, was widow, with black eyes
and such form Therefore Jones came
to Trenton for divorce.
Smith had good wife. good as an angel
and the mother of ten children, and Smith
did not want to be divorced. but did want
to get charter for turnpike or plank
road, to extend from Pigs Run 10 Terrapin
Hollow.
Well, they with these different errands
came TO Trenton, and addressed the assem-
bled wisdom with the usual arguments
First, suppers mainly composed of oysters
with rich background of venison; second
liquors in great plenty, from Jersey light
ming which is kind of locomotive at full
speed reduced to liquor shape, Newark
champagne. To speak in prose, the di-
vorce man gave champagne supper, and
Smith, the turnpike man, followed with
champagne breakfast. under the modifying
influence Of which the assembled wisdom
passed both the divorce aud turnpike bills
and Jones and Smith-a copy Of each bill
in their pockels-went rejoicing home over
miles of sand, and through the tribulation
Of many stage coaches.
Smith arrived at home in the evening,
and AS he sat down in his parlor, his pret-
ty wife beside him--how pretty she did
look land five of her children overhear-
ing the other FIVE studying their lessons in
the corner of the room, Smith was induced |
10 expatiate upon the good results of his |
mission to Trenton.
A turnpike, my dear; l am one Of the
directors and will be president. It will
set me up, love; we can send our children |
to the boarding school, and live in style |
out of the toll. Here is the charter hon
ey."
Let me see it, said the pretty little |
wife, who was one of the incest of wives. /
with plumpness and goodness dimpling all
over her face, "let me see it" as she leaned |
over Mr.. Smith's shoulder.
But all at once Smiths visage grew long;
Smiths wife's vi<age grew black. Smith
was not profane. but now he ripped out ali
awful oath.--"Blast us, wife, these Internal
at Trenton have gone and di-
vorced Us
1t was too true tho parchment which
he held was bill of divorce, in which The
names Of Smith and Smiths wife appeared
in frightfully legible letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the cor
ner of her apron. "Here's a turnpike"
said she sadly, "and with the whole ten Of
our children staring me in the face, aint
your wife Here's turnpike.
" Blast the pike and the Legislature
md
Well, the fact is that Smith reduced to
ingle bessedness, enacted into stranger
Q his own wife, swore awfally. Although
he night was dark, aud most of the deni-
,ens of Smiths town had gone to bed
smith bade his wife to put on her bonnet.
nd arm in arm they proceeded TO the cler-
lyman of their church. Z
!" Goodness. bless me r exclaimed the ,
God man as he saw them enter,--Smith
boxing like the last of June shad, Smiths (
rife wiping her eyes with the corner OF I
err aproa-" Goodness bless me, what's the /
iatter?' ;
+" The matter is, | want you TO marry US d
xo right Off" replied Smith. ~
" Marry you !" exclaimed the clergyman Z
iih expanded fingers and awful eyes;
are you drunk or what is the matter with Z
on 2"
However. he finally married them over Il
and would not take fee the "
ct is. grave as he was, he was dying TO be a
one that he nigh, give vent to a suppress
/ laugh that was shaking him all over !; Y
I'd Smith and Smiths wife went joylully y
ome and kissed every one Of their chill :
,en. The little Smiths never knew thar C
etr father and mother had ever been =
ade strangers to each other by legislative VI
laciment.
Meanwhile, and on the same night. 81
,nes returned to his native lown-Bar- y
sston, I beIieve-snd sought At once the y