Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-02-19
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

You're cool one, as the boy said
to the icicle.
If a man marry a shrew, are We to
suppose he is shrewd?
"A revival of Religion il one Of the
novelties of Reedsburg.
"A couple wishing to get married
used bee line to tie the knot.
Why is fies like railwayt
Because he travels over sleepers.
Why is love like ducks leg p
Because it is often hid in the breast
How does it happen that when a
bill becomes due, the acceptor is often
mist ?
Every day brings its labor, and
happy is he who loves his duty too well
to neglect it.
-"There is divinity that shapes
our ends" as the pig remarked when
he was contemplating the kink in his
tail.
Cotton says, s'the slightest sorrow
for sin is sufficient, if it produce amend
ment; the greatest is inefficient if it do
not"
"A couple was married last week
on cake Of floating ice in the Ohio
river. Rather queer wedding cake
that.
Speaking of cheap things. II
costs but trihe to get . wife, bu.
doesn't t she sometimes turn out little
dear
The woman who never interferred
with her husbands affairs arrived in
town the ceher day. She is an old
maid.
An Alderman having grown enor-
mously fat while in Office, wag wrote
on his back, "widened at the expense
of the corporation
The vicious, notwithstanding the
sweetness of their words, and the hon
ey on their tongues, have whole store
house OF poison In their hearts.
-"Jim, does your mother whip ?''-
"No-but she does a precious sight
worse, though" "What is that ?''-
''She washes me every morning"
There is no union between the
thoughts, the words, and the actions of
the wicked; but the thoughts, words,
and actions of the good all agree.
TO confound wealth with happiness
is to mistake the means for the end
You might as we'll fancy that a knife
and fork would give you an appetite.
A boozy fellow was observed the
other day driving "porker," holding
on to his tail, and when asked what he
was doing replied that he twas study
ing ge-hography."
When Haydn, the composer, first
heard an Irish melody, he was deeply
affected, and remarked that such music
could only originate with An opp pressed
and unfortunate race.
If dull weather effects you, marry
a warm hearted girl, and make sun
shine for yourself. Bachelors will find
this far superior to either billiards or
burgundy. Try it on.
Says an astronomer to a bright
eyed girl, when talking of rainbows.-
''Did you ever see lunar bow, Miss?'
81 have seen beau by moonlight, if
that's what you mean,'' was the slow
rejoinder.
We like the new pill which = dis
tinguished physician has invented
The infallible remedy for melancholy is
made of "fun and fresh air, in equal
proportions, and is to be taken with
cold water every morning.n
1t is astonishing how toddy pro-
notes independence. An old Phila-
delphia "brick" lying, day or two in
a spiritual manner, was advised by
friend to economize, as floqr vas going
up. "Let it 60 up, ! can get IS high
as -four can, any day."
We find the following direction to
keep ice from "show-windows' going
the rounds; Take an ordinary paint
brush or sponge, and rub over the glass
once or twice day little alcohol.
and it will keep the glass as free from,
ice as in the middle of summer, and it
Yill also give as good a polish as can
be got in any other way.
just as an auctioneer in Hartford
was saying "gone!" few evening since,
his audience went through the floor in.
70 .he cellar, but happily without hurt
ing one Of them. The auetioneer as
soon rs he found his legs, remarked
that the accident would enable him tc
sell little zo,oer than before, and call
ed for "bid," and thew 'soid him good
! night