Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1859-11-08
Git 8its.

ET"When you are in R'me, do as
R,me does" is modernized into "when
you ara in Turkey, gobble.'
GF-lf you wish to be certain of what
YOU get, never marry girl named Ann,
because can is an indefinite article.
GEDon't carry your handkerchief in
your breast pocket, If you do, says
Punch. you take a wiper to your bosom.
Eg-"When are gentIemen's pan,aloons
like two French clties?' When they are
too long and too loose (Toulon and Iou'
louse,
Ey"Jef, why am you like de cedar?
II guys it up, Sam. J cant tell you.
Case you stays green boff summer and
w,uter.''
Ew-If General Tom Thumb find fit
ting wife, the public will enjoy the p'mo-
logical exhibition of "a new variety OF
"Dwarf Pair"
EyProfound silence in public assem-
blagr has been thus neatly described:
'Ou6 Hl'pil nave Hehiu oIS"Hn ~
pocket handkerchief"
EyA fellow in Texas has Just inven-
ted strengthening plaster, which will ELL
able you to "iake up anything from
four months note to d hogshead OF sugar.
EEThat was horrible affair-lhe
murder Of Dean, aud the sealing up OF his
remains in TIN box? "What Dean?'
asked half dozen voices at once. Why
Sar dean. Of course, was the pungent re-
ply. "Nv levity."
E-Never be faint-hearted. Have
plen y of pluck, my son. Supposing the
whole world is against you? Never mind;
90 in and fight the entire world. The
world is 80 formed tha: you are sure to
beat il all hollow Punch.
WAn author Of love story in descrb-
ing his heroine, says:
'Innocence dwells in the clusters OF her
hair"
A waggish editor suggests that fine
tootLed comb would bring ii out.
ENGLISH ISrELL1GENcE.-T The London
illustrated Times says: 1.-The Presl'
Dental nomipatios form the chief topic OF
conversation in America. There are three
candidates in the feld--Wise. Douglas
and Bolts. At the last accounts Bolts
was little ahead"
E-Two centuries ago, not one in
hundred wore stockings. Fifty years ago,
not a boy in a thousand was allowed to
run at large at night. Fifty years ago.
not ore GIRL in thousand made waiting
maid of her mother Wonderful improve
menls in this age.
Too SuARp.--"Sir." said rather wild
gentleman to an acquaintance of ours,
"my wife had fine little boy Two rights
aro, but, unfortunately, he died immedi-
ately after his birth" II don't wonder,
said our j"vial friend, "lhat when he came
into the world and saw who his father wss
he Immediately went out OF it,
Eg"Did you PRESENT your account tc
the defendant" inquired lawyer of hi;
client.
Il did, SIR"
"What did he say?'
"He told me to 90 to the devil"
"What did you do then?"
81 came to you "
EETo make serviceable backing fo
harness, melt fur ounces of nation sue
with twelve onnces of beeswax, AM
twelve ounces of.sugar candy, four ounces
of soft soap dissolved in water, and two
ounces of indigo, finely powdered. La.
it on the harness with sponge. and pol
ish it off with a brush. This backing il
for working harness. which should b.
cleaned and polished up at least once
week when in constant use.
~W When Dicks wife presented Lin
with twins for the third time, Bob said t
him:
"Dick. why don't you petition for di
vorce? You can get one easy enough"
Upon what grounds?" asked Dick
"Why, upon the ground" said Box
"that your wife is of an overbearing dis
position."
We regret to say that Bob's remar
was overheard by Mrs. Dick, and that
GOODNESS has existed between them eve
since.
EF"What were the mob saying?
asked the District Attorney Of Yanke
witness "down East" in riot trial.
"Well." said he, "they was sorter sing
in"
"What were they singing about?"
"Well, they was sipgin' bout song.
"What was the song-wbat we'e the
singing?"
"As nigh as kin keep track. they WI
tellin' Misses Long Cher fust name WI
Lucy, to take her time!''
"You can 60"
Exit Yankee, whisllng Dandy Jim.
THE WINE GLAss.-Who hath woe?
Who hath sorrow? Who hath
con'entons? Who hath wounds
without cause? Who hath red
ness of eyes? They that tarry
too long at the wine! They
that go to seek mixed wine!
Look mt than unon tha