Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-08-26

f~A liberal deduction made on larger aoVe'
IAN transient advertisements must be pal
FOR advance.
Funnygraphs.
~ A printer in Chicago recently mar
ried young lady who weighs 2bO pounds
Rather heavy galley.
b TSome wag states that Nr. Buchsna'
is no longer bachelor. He has becom
welded to Mis- Government.
r"What Church do you attend, Mrs
Parting on I" "Oh any paradox churcl
where the gospel is dispensed with"
A PRETTY IpRA.-A lover presented hi
lady love with small looking-glass, accom-
with the following impromtu:
Jessie, In this glass you see
The object most beloved BY ms,
oh that might see there too
The object most beloved BY vou.
VA slough" subscriber to country
paper was struck from its mail list because
lie would't pay up. The delinquent's wifi
insisted wrathfully that she knew what wa
newspaper lsw-that she did-the proprie
tor was obliged to to send the paper unit
call arrearages were paid"
R<Dean Swift was once asked to preact
charity sermon. He complied with the
request. The sermon is, perhaps, the short.
est Que one on record. Text: "He tina,
hath pity on the poor, lendeth unto ths
Lord Sermon: ''If you like the security
down with the duet" An unusually large
collection was taken up Immediately after
EMrs. Antoipette L. Brown Blackwell
preached in Theo. Psrker's Church in Bos'
ton, recently. There was pretty nearly
litter" manufactured by the young people,
when she read her text as follows "When
wss child spake as child, understood
as . child, thought as . child; but when
became q man, put away childish things"
4-An Irishman travelling along one day
picked up feather in the road, and put ii
in his pocket; when night came, having
no place to sleep but in quarry, he care
fully placed the feather under him and laid
down to rest his wesried limbs In the
morning he arose, and eyeing his bed, ex.
claimed 'Begorra, il one feather is that
hard, what would q whole bedful BET"
~A Virginia negro boy, whe professed
to be dreadtully ala med at the cholera,
took to the woods to avoid it, and was there
found q. leep. Being asked why he went to
the wood, be said, ITO pray" But" said
the overseer, show was it you went to
sleep 7" "Don't know, massa, 'zactly,' y
responded the negro; "spsct must hab
overprayed myself"
A PosKR.-N,d was arguing in favor OF
giving women the elective franchise. "Why
shouldn't women vote as we'll as men Are
they not as capable of forming correct opin.
ions ON oli,ical subjects Many a woman
knows more than her husband" "Ihat
may be-" said jim, "but do you suppose I'D
have rafca ly politicians come electioneering
with my wifeq" Ned was silenced.
"Boys WILL. BE LIVELY. "a thing takes
its character from the way which we view
it. Thus, when DR.. Spooner dined with
q friend who had three turbulent sons, and
they got into row at the table, resulting
in throwing gravy tureens md hot squash
in each Others faces, the father turned to
the Doctor with the simple remark, "Boys
will be liv ly, sir I" The Doctor though,
thot lass liveiihood v ould be more desirst le
GLUE TIE Track" A Mississippi
County Court Clerk, having issued mar.
risge license for young man, shortly attel
received the following note from him
Steate of Miss July the 5th 1859.
Mr. Moody pies let this matter stand over
on,il further orders the girl has Flue the
track By her own Request and Release my
name of this Bond if you Piles.
w"Why do you wear SO much beard p
asked gentleman of his friend the othel
"Oh, my wife likes it," was the reply
"and do it to please her, as well as my
self"
oAh!" said the other, ''that's right it il
we'll to have both husband and wife pleased
Not every man can have himss!f suited and
Airsuited at the same time!'
A Coon HlsrRs,AN JoKE.-A good stor.
is told Of ali Irish hostler, whe was sent t.
a stable to bring forth . travellers horse.-
Not knowing which of the two strang'
horses in the stalls belonged to the traveller
and wishing to avoid the appearance OF ig
norance in his business, he saddled bot,
animals aud brought them to the door. Ths
traveller pointed out his own horse, saying
That's my nag," tainly, your hon or
knew that, but l didn't know which ont
o. them was the other gintlemsn's"
OurRAorous. - Hear what some crust!
old bachelor says of the ladies. What shal
be done with hint
Din the Atlantic dry with teaspoon
txist your heel in the toe Of your boot
make postmasters perform their promises
and subs cribers pay the printers; send u
6,h;n. hooks with balloons to fish for start
Get astride of gossamer and chase a come
when the rain 10 coming wn like the cal
arsct of Niagara; remember where yo
left your umbrella choke mOsquit
With . brickbat; in short, prove all thing
hitherto considered impossible, to be posi-
BILE. but never after pt to coax woman a:
eav she will, when SHE has made up her min
20 say she won't.
k<This letter was found in an old cabi
formely occupied BY party Of Hiber nians
AUGUST TIE TooTH.
"Di1r Jenny !: Coon over till Amer
kie and help to elect Jimmy R. Polk to tn
presidincy, the darlint son OF old Hickor
not of old Hickory either but of his grant
father you can git work on the railway a
summer and all winter in the workhous
and have no rint to pay pork and bear
twist day and would say three times b.
och YOU would not believe me direct yor
litter a. you did before but not to the san
place signed yours no more patrick rooney.
Ma. PARr1NeroN's IDEA OF BosroN.-
"How the world has turned about, to |
sure - said she, it's nothirg but chang
change. Only yesterday, as it were, W
in tho country smelling the odious flowers
to-day j am in Boston my oilfactories breatl
ing the impure execrasion of coal smok
. that are. 50 dilatory to health. Instea
,of the singing Of birds, the blunderbuss
almost deprive me Of my csnscientiodsnes
Wall hox,o I aholl ho xosksai nI