Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1859-05-25
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"Now, George, you must divide the
cake honorably with your brother Charles.
"What is honorably, mother?' at means
that YOU must give him the largest piece.
"Then, mother, Id rather Charles should
divide it.
be- A person following close behind
couple returning from juvenile party one
evening, happened to overhear the young
gentleman thus address his companion in
voice of the tenderest solicitude: Charlotte
Angelina, you must not set your youthful
affections on me, for | am doomed toan early
grave...mother ersays I'm troubled with worms!
An involuntary cough fiom the listener inter.
rupted the self devoting reply which, Of course,
was leaping to Charlotte Angelina's lips.
e A wag said of woman who had
obtained divorce from her husband because
he had bald head, which be concealed by
wig during the period of urging his matrimoni-
oil suit and the contamination Of the bargain,
that she wiggled out of wedlock OH q bald
assumption.
BJ A cabin boy on board a ship, the cap.
tain of which was religious man, was called
up to be whipped for some misdemeanor.
Little Jack went crying and trembling, and
said to the captain -
"Pray, sir, will you wait till say my
prayers ?"
YES" was the stern reply.
"Well, then," replied Jack, looking up, and
smiling triumphantly, "I'll say them when |
get ashore
lar ONE Of our Western villages passed an
ordinance, torbdding tavern keepers to sell
liquor on Sunday to any person except travel.
ers. Every man who wanted q snip" was
seen running around, the next Sunday, with
valisa in one hand and carpet'bsg in the
other.
r@ A parspn reading the funeral service
at a grave, forgot the sex Of the decansod,
aud asked Que Of the mournsrs, on Emesalder,
I'D this o brother or sister 7"
"Na.her," replied Pntj "only R cOusin'"
t6~ A fool in high station is like man on
the top of monument-everybody appears
small to him, and be appears small to every.
body.
BE- A New England minister once re-
marked that his Sunday afternoon sermons
were preached to about three bushels of baked
beans; but discourses nowadays are deliver
ed to congregations composed of one part
dry goods and millinery.
H~ A GREAT CALr.-At cattle show,
recently, a fellow who was making himself
ndiculously conspicuous, at last broke forth; {;
"Csll these here prize cattle2 Why, they
amt nothin' to what our folks raised. My
father raised the biggest calf of any man
round our parts
"Don't doubt it." remarked bystandcr,
" and the noisest."
B8-" don't like to see small things so
strictly pointed" as the boy said when he cut
off the end of the schoolmast RS cowhide.
Hay" THREE things that never agree-two
cats over one mouse two wives in one house !;
two lovers afler one gal.
R6p Our OF THE SHEEP ScRAPE.-A neigh.
Dor of mine was fairly or otherwise, accused
of stealing sheep, and the day was set when
he was to answer the charge before court of
Justice. But, as it happened, before the day
of trial, he sckened and died. His old moth.
er was overwhelmed with grief, and sat long
by the corpse, filling the house with wailing
and lameltions. At last thought seemed to
strike her; Frightening up, and throwing up
her hands, she piteously calculated
"Well, thank God, he'll be out of the sheep
scrape, any how"
p@ WHEN Jack Jones discovered that he
had polished his bedmates boots instead of
bis -ovn, he called it an aggravated instance
Of "labosing under o mistake"