The penny press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1859-1860, 1859-08-27
"Here are deposited the bones,
tThe flesh being torn off,
A Pretty Good Story.

A Pretty Good Story.
In one Of our southern seaboard cities,
and on long street--almost road
leading therefrom to the country, dwells
an apothecary; a very tall and remarkably
slender person-so thin in fact, that one
would suppose he fed exclusively on his
own professional mixtures. No tailor
dare venture to cut coat or any other
garment in any way approaching a snug
fit to his person, for fear Of having the
work returned on his hands, and in that
case they would fit nobody else.
And yet, with this extraordinary paucity
of flesh, there was great supply Of humor
in our hero he was e1travagantly fond of
practical jokes, and practiced them freely,
when occasion and opportunity offered.
He had an electric machine secluded from
sight, and when any lazy person sauntered
into his shop, and ventured to indulge in
nap or lounge, he was sure to be shocked
into activity, and pushed off, He was q
great advocate for temperance, and yet
was, ready to furnish gratis brimming
glass Of any sort of liquor any customer
might fancy; his liquor was found invari.
ably to produce more nausea than any
other sensation. ...r
But contrivance which afforded him
most merriment was q skeleton of full
grown person in closet of easy access in
his shop. This skeleton was placed erect
ona platform which ran on smooth wheels
and when the door was opened, this plat
form was pulled forward by an unseen
thin wire or string, which connected it
with the boiling of the closet door. There
were also similar wires, fastened to the
wall behind the skeleton, and passing over
each shoulder.bone were attached to the
bones of the wrist Consequently, when
the closet door was opened, the platform
on which the skeleton stood not only
advanced, but both arms and hands were
lifted upward
If any intoxicated, noisy, boisterous,
or impudent fellow came into his shop,
the apothecary would manage in some
way to lead him to open that door; and it
rarely failed (as he used to say) ITO take
the liquor and spunk out of him" He
had two or three apprenticed lads in his
employ, who naturally relished these
Jokes, and practised them with his full
consent, when he might be absent. w
.l One day during his temporary absence
a sailor came drifting along-occasio
stopping and dancing jig and singing,
to the great merriment of a gang Of boys
who followed and surrounded him. He
was just drunk enough to play the fool,
and not to drunk to navigate. He event.
ually brought up at the door of our apoth.
ecary, and bracing himself in the door
way, yelled out:
"Hellow, my heartiesl here you are
with your stuffed alligators and gallipot,
and mixins for sick folksl Why the devil
don't you,keep grog for tuff folks like me2"
and here he shuf1ed of q rigadoor, and
made himself very merry. "Well, Jack"
said one of the lads, what kind of grog
do you want3'
"I'll take brandy" was the prompt
reply.
'Very WE'LL 80 and help yourself"
(handing him a tin mug,) "you will find
it in that closet. "
Jack went as directed, and pulling open
the closet door, he found himself within
grasping distance Of an advancing skele.
tom he incontinently fell back step,
dropped his tin cup; turned ash color,
made one spring to the door, and when he
reached the street, took the middle of it,
and ran like q deer till he reached a SUD.
posed safe distance.
Shortly after this eur apothecary re.
turned, and being informed Of the event,
was greatly amused, but sadly lamented
his absence. ..,.
~ would not have missed seeing it."
+ said he, 'for a great deal. do wonder
if he will come back this wsy2'
But this was hardly probable, and yet
il was the only way back to town.
In the course Of few hours, however,
sure enough, Jack was heard at distance
ON his way back, singing and dancing.
Our apothecary anticipating an encore,
went out on his door-steps and elevating
his thin person and extending his long
smaciated arm and hand, very kindly
bcckoned Jack to repeat his visit Jack
no sooner saw him than he put his helm
hard a port" and steered over to the other
side of the street, buttonipg his jacket
over his breast, and pressing his tarpole
hat closer on his head, SO as to be ready
for a run il chase was given.
"Ay-yey, old bag Of bones" says Jack;
." there you are again. are you. You think
, ldon't know you, now you've got your
clothes onl" and away he went on his
course, leaving our spothecsry rather
puzzled in deciding which Of the two got
the sharpest end Of that joke.