The Van Buren press., 1859-08-10
this board was written. in big. black let
STRANGERS, BEWARE or nocx AUCTIONS.

! STRANGERS, BEWARE or MOCK AUCTIONS.
Thinks I, what is Mock Auction This
is something new; l must look into it ;;
and in my curiosties to penetrate the mys-
teries Of 6 Mock Auction, l forgot the
meeting at the big church,
walked up to the door before which the
chap With the big board IS standing, and
looked ia. 4 nice young man was selling
all kinds of valuables. Right next door
smother man was selling things, too : and
II occnrreei 70 me that he had got that chap
with the big board to stand before the first
mans door. SO as to injure his business
Tins struck me as being real mean; my
sympathies were touched nay Kentucky
grit began TO ferment. and determined to
patronize the injured party; for you know
q kentuckian always goesia for fair play
and no iavors asked.
While l stood thinking over the matter.
the man who was selling watches, the in
juresi party" happened tofs.s ne ard inn
rnediateiy bowed to me '94I very polite
nannet. This was the first bow L d reeeiv-
ed in New ork, and it came over me with
a most gratifying effect. Says 20 myself:
I've found gentleman, at last, who is no
upstart, ard who understands the usages of
polite society. ! returned his bow, and he
then politely asked me to walk i'll, which /
did. Just as | stepped In. he bid off a
handsome gold watch for SIS! Bless my
soul, thinks I, what a focI | was not to
have bid on shat | might have had a
nice, gold watch to take home to nv wife.
and how proud she would have been So
then %
! l.
splendid gold watch and chain left for sale
! oy IA young gentleman from Cuba, who is
out OF money, and must sell them at some
price. Ihope gentlemen wi. bid literally,
tor the gentleman is very worthy and in
great need"
! The folks began to bid. !" Three dollars, .
says one % FIVE dollars" saws another
+ Thinks [, that's darned mean to take al
vantage of poor fellow that way, SO saws
eighteen dollars" Isuppcse that rath
er irlghtened the company, for after that
body else bid a cent, and the watch was
knocked down to me. The man who sold
it, then went to the other end Of the coun-
ter, telling me to pay the money to anoth-
er man who was sitting at desk with a
nIg account book before him paid the
money, and then went to the other end Of
the room for my watchs When tie anc-
tionoer handed it 20 lne,s it struck me that
il didn't loot. like the one bid Tor, and on
examining ii closeyI saw it was nothing
but copper. So says -" this is not a
golo watch ?''
s. didn't warrant it gold. said he
I" Well, don't care what you arrantea
It fcr; you sold it for gold watch. and II
isn't gold. So Just give me back nv
/. money
Z" nave no authority TO return money to
sny one. else l should be happy to accom-
1a'e you you must speak to the cashier to
whom you paid the money
then asked the cashier for my money,
but ne said he had no authority to return or
pay out money, either. l asked him who
had authority. then, to give me back my
money. lie said no one in the establish
ment bad authority to pay out money un-
der any circumstances. Said |, you oil
seem ready enough to take in money, and
it's odd none of you can pay it out. He
replied. that, according to the rules of the
establishment any one connected with it
could receive money, but no one could pay
1t out and these rules. he said, were al
ways enforced. Well, said l, you're a
darned pretty set l never heard of such a
system before. and shan't stand il. The
fact is, my Kentucky dander riz Just about
this time, and | determined to whip the
rascal, if he didn't give me back my mon
ey; but. before got at him, chap, who
said ne was policeman, told me confiden-
TALLY that if | made a disturbance, he
should be obliged to take me to the Tombs
Ihls put damper on my combativeness,
for I'd heard horrid stories about the Tombs
and wouldn't have gone there for a dozen
watches. SO | thought I'd coax him to
give me back my money. but he wouldn't
listen to me at all.
| looked at the watch. 1t was Just the
meanest looking thing that ever licked and
thinks |, shall give such thing to my
wife p? l couldn't stand the thought What
take a copper watch home as a present to
my wife +! to the mother of my children
| just took the thing by the chain, and says
L
=" See here do you suppose I'll tako
such watch home to my wife No sir
Now, if you don't give me back my money,
I'll take it out on the sidewalk and dash it
into thousand pieces.''
"Oh!' said he, {" it was lady's watch,
you wanted was it ? Why didn't you say
SO before! We can sell you a splendid
married lady's watch-just the thing for
your wife; and will give you a written
guarantee of its genuineness there will be
no cheat about that watch"
WELL" replied. :" but what shall l
do with the S1S / fooled away on this cop
per thing ?''
| I" Oh, th.. shall count on the other I'll
take the copper watch back"
Well. thinks l, I'll go it I'll save my
S1S, anyhow. So took hold of the one
he showed me, and examined it carefully
While was inspecting it, heard gen
tleman behind me say in a, whisper to a
friend, isn't that splendid watch it is
worth at least $3.50 wish had my purse
with me, SO could buy it I'd have it,
sure. Thinks l, that gentleman knows all
about it, SO there's no danger III have it.
We began to bid, and everybody seemed
to want the watch, for they bid freely. 1t
ran up to s11S, and got it. Now, thinks
l, here's present fit for wife won't she
be proud ! handed ov~ the copper watch
and 800 and left
| The novt dow I %bourbt I,J -