Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1859-08-09
Tlt-Bit is.
Ey-Why is an active waiter like a race
horse? Because he runs for the plate.

was u SnI NV olI-n0
member ob Congress-"
EB-Poor Caudle said he dreamed he
had an angel by his side, and upon waking
up found it was nobody but his wife.
EFShow me land that has noun
tains without valleys, and will show you
man who has joys without sorrows.
Ey-Why is damsel with reddish brow
hair like prisoner in one of the N. Y.
State prisons? Kaze she is under Au-
burn locks.
EE"Do you drink hale in Americas"
asked a cockney.
"No, we drink thunder and lightning, -
replied the Yankee.
EE-"Which can travel the fastest, heat
or cold?'-"Why, heat, to bes YOU
never heard of catching a heat, while any
body can catch cold.
ESr Why may we reasonably expect
that the Turk will succeed in preventing
the Russian bear from devouring his sub
ecs? Kaze he is a muzzle-
Ey-,poes smoking offend you?" asked
landlord Of his newly arrived boarder.
"Not at all, sir" s'Glad of it, that ERE
chimney of yourn smokes prodigiously."
GyA teacher of vocal music asked an
old lady if her grandson had an ear fol
music? "Wall," quoth the old woman,
Il raaly don't know, won't you take the
candle and see?"
Eg-A An author OF love story, in des
crlbing his heroine, says, "innocence
dwels in the dark clusters of her hair. -
A waggish editor suggests thata fine tooth
comb would bring 1t out.
E.S- Nowidow lady, named Day, having
married a gentleman, named Knight,
wag perpetrated the following palo ody upon
the delicate subject
"I've lost Day, the widow sadly cried
And took a Knight to comfort her beside"
@""Our boy Tom is going crazy"
said his dad; ''be is grnning at the barn,
grinning at the plow, and grinning at him
self wherever he goes "Pooh!' said
the old woman; che got a love letter this
morning"
EY- Conversing one day with fashion
able and pretty belle, the lacetious Mr..
Splggs observed that "ladies who lisped
wished to be kissed" The young lady
had before spoken unafectedly, but now
replied -"Tho I've heard thay!"
Rg"A lady walking with her husband
on the beach, inquired of him the differ
ence between expectation and transporta-
ton? "Why, my DEAR" replied he, "if
you were on board yonder vessel, you
would be exported. and should be trans
ported"
Gg""Do you not find my eyes express
sive of my feelinks?' said sentimental
lover to lady he desired to please. ooh,
yes, presume so" said the lady, "they
make me think of Goldfish dying with the
toothache!" Sentimental grasped his hat
and bolted.
Ess-A modest young lady, desiring a
leg of chicken at table, said she would
take "that part that oughtto be dressed in
pantalets!' 49,
\ gentleman opposite Immediately
called for ''that part which usually wears
the bustle!"
Ey-A fellow coming out of tavern
one icy morning, rather blue, fell on the
doorstep In trying to regain his footing,
he remarked, eff, as the Bible, says, The
wicked stand on slippery places, it is more
than can do. Guess | must belong TO a
different class" 81
w"''Why don'tyou wheel that barrow
of coal, Ned?" said learned miner TO one
Of his sons. "It is not very hard job;
there is an inclined plane to relieve you.
"Ah," replied Ned, who had more relish
for wit than for work, ''the plane may be
inclined, but hang me if am"
w"What does man think of when
he thinks of nolhing?" asked young lady
of gentleman with whom she had broken
an engagement. "I1e thinks, Miss. of
woman's promlse," replied the gentleman.
Exit the crinoline, exhibiting u counte-
nance of variety of colors.
Gg-A farmer who had married rich
wife, after promising another of meaner
circumstances, endeaVored 70 palllate his
conduct to a clergyman. who told him it
was SO wrong that lie didn't know any I
thing like it. "If you do not, Ido," says
Hodge. at is like your leaving poor
parish for rich one"
WHY A SHIP Is CALLED "SHE. ."--Some
hearlIess wretch who should be punished
by being tied to post with his face within
six inches Of kissing distance OF n pair OF
bewitching "cherry ripe" feminine lips. |
with the certainty Of never reducing that
number of inches between him and bliss,
says "a ship is called she because man
knowns not the expenses till he gets one
because they are useless without en-
ployment--because they look best when
well riggeG--because their value
depends upon their age--because they are
upwright when in stays-because they
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