The penny press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1859-1860, 1859-09-30
ALL SORTS OF CLIPPINGS.

mar An eccentric English divine was
called upon to perform the funeral service
of dead debtor. After the ceremony
was performed, and the body was on its
waytO the church-yard, the Sheriff made a
descent upon the corpse and attached it
for debt, as by the then law of England
he had the power to do. "Move on !'
lsaiduthc priest "Stop p shouted the
Sheriff. "Move on i" exclaimed the priest
again. This body is mine," said the
Sheriff. ~This body is Gods roared the
pfiess, a'In the kings name / command
YOU to lower the coffin" exclaimed the
Sheriff. itBury the nan" shouted the
nfnfttrieted priest, "and if the Sheriff says
shree words take him too, I've read the
funeral service, and somebody shall be
buried" ''.'' '.'. .-'. .' ''
ssgMary years ago, d Mr.. Miller, one
of the early settlers Of o nneeighboring
town, sold yoke Of oxen for tfty dollars,
and, in payment, received a fiity-dollar
bill, which he carefully folded up and put
in his tobaccobox for safe keeping. Mr.
Nj. was accustomed to make use Of the
tweed" at any hour Of the day and night,
whenever he felt an inclination for it.
The night following the sale Of the oxen
he sought his tobaccobox, and finding a
convenient portion, he put it in his mouth,
and not readily obtaining the full benefit
he expected, he chewed Utmost vigorously
and effectually, exclaiming, as he did so :
HNo strength to the tobacco! No strength
To the tobacco When, recollecting the
transaction Of the day, and the place
where he had deposited his treasure, he
added: "Phew! Ny ayoke Of oxen at
one chawP
D9nOn the edge Of small river in the
county of Cavan, m Ireland, there is a
. stone with the following inscription IN
. B--When this stone is out Of sight it is
not safe to ford the river" But this is
even surpassed ~ the famous post erected
few years since by the surveyors Of the
Kent roads: "This is tie bridle-path to
Feversham; if you can't read this, you
had better keep the main road"
s@@A gray hair was espied among the
raven locks Of fair friend of ours, a few
days ago. ooh, pray pull it out, she e1'
claimed. "If / pull it out ten will come
to the funeral, replied the lady who had
made the unwelcome discovery. "Pluck
it out, nevertheless" said the dark-haired
damsel, "it is no sort of consequence how
many come to the funeral, provided they
all come in black" e
"a s6g-'1 say, Snooks," said Sykes, as the
two friends lolled together on the pier at
Lowstoft, II say, Snooks, my boy, why
are our brown faces like Apollo s chariot"
Gasped the painting Snooks, 81 haven't an
idea" "No, I don't suppose you have.
Nobody has one now. It's too hot To
think this weather But come, I'll ease
our mind. Answer-Because it's the
suns tanned 'em!" Poor Snooks gasped
again, and groaned, and-well, didn'
drown himself ,'..'-'
fIHaGg ,...ga-444. -ruITgstle-I ~.
.,sa BGs The love Of ornament creeps slowly
but surely, into the female heart A girl
who twines the lily in her tresses, and
looks at herself in the clear stream, will
soon wish that the lily were fadeless and
the stream mirror. We say let the
young girl seek to adorn her beauty, if
she be taught also to adorn her mind and
heart, that she may have wisdom to di.
rect her love of ornament in due modera.
ton. EiAE4EL00HH G'lOFBtl
S@r"Well, know nothing about mem
hair; but there is our friend Mrs. C.,
Of Biddle street.-the lady who has beeu
just twenty-nine years old for the last
. fifteen years-her husband died, you
b know, last winter, at which misfortune
her grief was 80 intense that her hair
turned completely black within twenty
four hours after the occurrence of that sal
event" t....... ......... ... e'
Cd D6FA gentleman travelling on horse
back out West, came upon an Irishmar
who was fencing in most barren ant
desolate piece Of land. "What are 70,
fencing in that land for, Patg' said he
"a herd of cows would starve to death OF
that land" "And sure, your honor
wasn't fencing it to kape the poor bast
out iy it?"
l6nA gentleman who had been tn
subject Of severe attack in the news
paper was asked, "Who do you suppos
Is the author of these articles, and wha
can be the reason of his malice
"Malice p said he, mot the least in tn
world--it is some young fellow learnin
b write"
i D1.How eloquently is the old homel
T word Fall The flowers fall in the "a,
den, the fruits fall from the orchards, tn
nuts fall in the woods, the stars fall i
the sky, the rain falls from the clouds
the mercury falls in the tube, the leave
fall everywhere, and man falls into etel
nifty.
{ neA. A doctor orderedone ofhis patien
TO drink -four OF sulphur and water; tf
patient expressed his disgust by signi
eaat grimaces. ut is only the first gla
t6ss Is hard to drink" said the docto
'nsn," rejoined the invalid, II will b