The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1859-10-07
'OL. XII---NO. SIG.
A Short Patent Sermon.

which most OF you have probably seen
somewhere, or somewhere else:
"Pray tell me how the devil was drcssedg'
"0hl he was in his Sunday best
His coat was thick, and his trousers blue
With hole behind where his tail came thro'."
Ny Hearers: The origin of this noto-
rious scamp-the deeil--is wrapped up
in great many thicknesses of obscurity.
As to his paternity, it is generally sup
posed that he never had father nor
mother, but is entirely self-made; for
which wonderful piece of workmanship
he, no doubt, takes vast deal of credit
to himself The first we hear of his SUPER
royal highness, he was 'sloshing about in
heaven, at a terrible rate, and frighten-
ing the infant cherubim into fits, he pre-
tended to be dissatisfied with the general
government up there, but the throne was
his his-solerobject; and, l may say, he fought
like the devil to reach it. He thought
if he could OILY be king of that extern
sive dominion for few millions of years,
matters would be so put to rights that
| they would take care of themselves for
|
like threshing machine for the crown
of glory; but, my brethren, he hadn't
ammunition enough-his rations were
short-his cause wasn't .just-and the
hosts of the Lord too many for him. He
was cornered at last and pitched over the
balcony; and down, down he came, ker
chsak, somewhere in the center of the
great Dismal Swamp. By that disastrous
fall, my brethren, he so injured his left
foot, that it witheYed and turned into a
hoof, which he exhibits even to this day,
except when artfully concealed by nice
ly polished calf-skin boot. ~
The first of this rascal's capers upon
earth, my friends, was that Of transform
ing himself into beautiful garter-snake
and so charming good mother Eve that
she one day committed slight misde-
meanor, and forfeited her third of Para
dise-and away went poor Adams share,
in the bargain. And | verify believe that
the same old reptile holds fascinating
power over the fair sex at the present
time. His fallen Greatness, my brethren,
then put on suitable rig of asbestos, and
turned fireman-not one of the b'hoys
that run with the big squirting machine,
but such fireman as is employed upon
steamboat, to heave the wood and keep
the blazes up. His great pyrotechnic
establishment is in some locality best
known to himself; but with which,
trust, you will become fully acquainted
at some future period.
My brethren, when the devil comes to
town, nowadays, he doffs his old fire
toggery, and dresses either i'm the flash
style, or assumes more gentlemanly
garb-seldom, indeed, coming in coarse
homespun, or with a seedy coat, stogy
boots and sooty shirt. Sometimes he
may be seen strutting along quite fanci-
fully attired-with coat of claret, vest of
buff, pants of sky-blue, and hat and boots
of ivory polish with three diamond studs
and nugget in his bosom-and a gold
watch chain, large and strong enough to
tether mad elephant; but with all these
there is always hole behind where the
tail comes through. Sometimes, too, he
appears in a more respectable guise of
plain black, with moderately short, bust
ness like hair, and well trimmed whisk-
ers. In such raiment he might readily
be mistaken for an unadulterated gentle
man-an influential citizen-were it not
that there is a hole behind, and the tail
,ciH work itself through. And, brethren,
| have even known the old scoundrel to
don the pontticial robe, get at the pull
pit and preach Christ and him crucifed,'
a salary per annum that would crowd
all the piety out of your poor pastor in
less than fortnight from the date of the
first payment. ] couldn't possibly havo
the handling OF so much money and hold
on to my religion. Yes, brethren, I've
seen the devil in clerical duds, holding
d, forth to an admiring congregation in
: most eloquent style, festooning the gar
r den of heaven with the rarest Of exotics,
, and describing hell as hundred times
hotter than he himself could ever make
it with a cargo of rosin, pitch or CAM
, phene. His neither ornament was not
visible while madly uttering the words
of truth and soberness"-yet there was o
hole behind for the tail to come thro' /;
n and the tip end oi it might be seen peep
: ing from beneath his ecclesiastical cloak
e as he walked in the highways, as proud as
t a peacock and stiff as a roll of sole leath-
er. have also seen his devilship at the
v bar, upon the bench, in State legislatures
and in our National Congress. At all
IS of gentleman, but always slipped up on
r the behavior, and exposed the hole be-
hind where the tail came through.
). And now, my unsuspecting young sis.
o ters: beware Of a gay charmer, who pays
e you a thousand compliments and has as
! many more ready for another-who talks
}. of love and totes you about, but never
y thinks of neutrality-suspicious. kiss is a
n blight to the bloom of innocence-who
!, !, plucks the flower and leaves the tree to
v wither say, beware of him, for he is
J. the very devil hmself-tail or no tail.
is par "John, did you ever bet on horse
s. racer" "No but I've seen my sister Be,
'' on an old mare" irs
A. pay- Cant you credit me, Mr.. Butch
or, for a little meat this morningw "No
Q. you owe me for that already on you
" hanoo r.t 'i. iaf. I4If-',' L Z.