The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-04-28

SAS
where. she had lived, husbands treated their
wives as wives ought to be treated-there
now! Where she came from woman's
sphere was respected by the men. Where
she came from men didn't trouble themselves
about kitchen matters. Where she came
from men eat what was on the table without
grumbing. Where she came from men
staid at home nights with their wives, in
stead of roaming around the streets drinking
and curousing. II she was Somebody's wife
she d show him "what's what in short or.
der" And much more to the sOme effect.
Now my wife knew when she heard this
that had never passed night away from
home until Aunt Jezebel came, or If | did
90 out, always took her with me. Was it
reasonable that should take Jezebel with
my wife and myself at an extra exPehse!-
to disgrace me by her everlasting tongue
that wogged silently, dumbly, in her Sleep
practicing for the coming days TRADE!
Then-excuse me if pause. There, I've
been out and fortified myself with hot tod.
dy. | am steel, iron, brass, anything now
then came from another Somewhere that
other relation, grunting; half.Glnd, cross
grained, round d-shouldered, crippled, rheum-
attic, sptuined Grandmother, who walked or
rather hitched about with cane; who
groaned al every hitch; who smoked an ex'
ecrdble pipe, which required the constant
ignition of matches to keep it going; who
bathed her limbs with whiskey and cumphor,
J who swathed her dear old body in flannel;
who was always wanting something she
knew couldn't be got; who never could
"Lord massy Moses on me" see what peo'
pie are coming to nowadays; who was al.
ways dying, and disappointing everybody
myself especially-by living on harder than
ever. The grandmother, (the mother, be il
understood, of my wife's father,) the secone
day after her arrival, conceived and expires
sed violent animosity towards the aunt
War was declared. In wind the aunt hat
tae advantage; in vndictiVeness the grand
mother beat all the women have ever met
I ventured 10 interfere. To me the consc
quences were terrible. The foes had
truce, became allies, enlisted my vie il
their cause, and then fell upon me tooth ant
naiI. My misery was heightened by tht
Constant attendance upon "Granny," Of
doctor-one of those insinuating, bland
gossippy family physicians, whose specialit!
in the way of practice seems to be old wo
men and babies. I had to pay him. Th'
doctor became rs great a nuisance as nj
patient. He reminded me OF the relapse c
bilious ever. was we'll nigh distracted
. One day. goadcd to desperation by my vile
III humor, the aunt's implucable tongue, tn
prundrilolher's sepulchral and demonica
/ grouning, the nasal twang Of tract pedler'
voice, who had dropped in to see Mrs. ri
mon, and, By the land the bather and twad
die of the doctor, l fled twoy and never wen
! back again | sent ettef to my wife wit
remittance, She sent my letter back bu
kept tie money, and, as Afterwards learr
, ed, went to that Somewhere from whenc
I the aunt had come. The doctor now ha
s the grandmother's skeleton hanging up
-. his private office, and about the ribs and ja
bones there yet fingers smell OF campht
d and tobacco smoke. procured dIvorc
5 upon the ground of incomputibility of ten
- perament, and thanked Providence that m
5 lie had been spared.
e | became almost monomanical upon tn
:. subject of relations. When took up
;, newspaper, the first editorial | happened
Y glance at was our Foreign Relations"
o / went to the theatre, "My Uncle john"
It "My Aust" was sure to be the after. plec
e Whv can't a man or a woman come into Il
j. world unencumbered with relations! I
ID " hat use are they, the wretched leeches-
}. these Barnacles that cling to marri
D. mans happiness, and finally, by the
IN weight, sink it.
My third wfe--I must confess that
Mt spite Of my former trials, had deep atfe
,e ton for the conjugal state--my third vi
ID deceived me. She was widow; but kno
r. ing my weakness, she solemnly assert
I'd that she had quarrelled with all her re
Sc tives. She had plenty of them, but | ne
r. never alarm myself as to their ever trou
n. ling my domicil with their presence. Ii
lieved the widow, and--married her. s
- was pretty, young, gay, and debonna're.
ID Her former hus band had bees a sergeant
v. of murines stationed at the navy yard, a
ed died at his post. He fell into the river o
lie dark night, while keeping guard over squ
It, of whiskey barrels, (reported next day in
a papers as mprines.)
on had nice, cosy home for my new wi
ee I soon noticed, however, that the postm
rO called exceedingly often with letters
Oh Mrs. Timon. l observed that, while 6
a loughlngy and sportively declined lett
lat me peruse them, she answered them W
or surprising celerity and punctual'y.
No These letters worried me. At times tn
for comes to every ones spirit-a sort Of d
AT indeinable foreboding of the approach
rs. some calamity, or sorrow or woe
ire fore reboding prescience which we cannot
ofE believe, however incredulous we may be
Il II