Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-29
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

Fact, Fancy and Fun.
A pout on lady's lip shows bad
place in her heart.
LIVERY man has just as much vanity
as ne wants understanding. .
-Wanted-A pig from the pen that
was mightier than the sword.
-''You are rather hard upon me-"
as the loafer said to the brickbat.
In what ship have the greatest
number of men been wrecked? Court
ship. ...-.. -
1t has been said that pantaIoons
obtained on credit are breeches of
trust.
A Dutchman thinks "honesty ish
de pest policy, but it keeps man shock
ing poor"
How do my customers like the milk
| sell them? 0, they all think it of the
first water.
LABOR Losr-An organ grinder
playing at the door of deaf and dumb
asylum .
The surest way to lose your health
is, to be all the time drinking that of
other folks.
CURIOUS FACT.- You must 90.
through three springs before you can
get to leap year.
If young lady yawns half doz-.
en- times III succession, young 1nen YOU
may get your hats.
There is fellow in Norristown so
dirty that the assessors have put him
down as ssreal estate"
The newspaper is sermon for the
thoughtful, library for the poor, and
blessing to everybody.
Why had man better lose his.
arm than a leg? Because losing his
leg, he loses something s'to boots
A chimney sweep at Buffalo ad-
vertlses that he takes sweeping by the
job, and engages to SCOT his employers.
An advertisement lately appeared,
headed: "lron bedsteads and be00saq."
We suppose the linen must be Sheet
iron.
A correspondent wants to know
whether considering the great utility of
the ocean, poets are not wrong to call
it a ''waste Of water %
Aunt Betsey has said many good
things, among the rest that newspa-
per IS like wife, because every man
should have one of his own.
"A man was walking quickly down
the street the other day, when he was
suddenly struck by a thought, and
knocked over into the gutter.
Ask a woman to tea party in the
garden of Eden, and she'd be sure to
draw up her eyelids and scream, ssI
can't go without new bonnet
There is a man in this village
whose memory is so short that it only
reaches to his knees. Per consequence.
he has not paid for his last pair of
boots.
1t is announced, for the benefit of
those persons who did not get sight
of the comet, that it will appear before
the public, for a few nights only, in the
autumn Of 2147. s--
The man who is too poor to take a
weekly paper, has bought sIab-sided
dog, an old shotgun, and a twenty
shilling gold watch. He educates his
children in the street, and boards his
shanghais on his neighbors.
"A cute Yankee in Kansas sells
liquor in gun barrel instead Of glass,
that he may avoid the law and make
it appear beyond dispute that he is
selling liquor by the barrel. His Gus
toners 60 off half cooked at every dis
charge.
"A doctor and a military officer be-
came enamored of the same lady. A .
friend inquired of her which of the two
suitors she intended to favor. Her re-
ply wa. that it was difficult for her to
determine, as they were both such kill
ing creatures.
The individual who tried to clear
1is conscience with An egg, is now en- ..
leavoring to raise his spirits with yeast.
e he. falls in this it is his deliberate
Intention to blow out his brains with a
pair OF bellows, and sink calmly into
he arms Of young lady. .-. :
"A little girl being sent to a shop
% purchase some dye stuff, and forget
ing the name of the article, said to the
'hopman. "What do folks dye with?"
-ssDie with? Why, Cholera, some
imes," he replied. "Well, I believe