Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1859-05-26
aDit anA 45nmnr

ALL THRoUGH-Mr. Jones, aving spet
an evening over the bowl, went home little
{ low come you So" He was fortunate enough
to find his better half asleep. He went to
bed and after moments cog;tation he thought
it would be policy to turn over lest his breath
should betray him, when Mrs. Jones opened
her eyes, and very cooly said Zones, you
needn't turn over you're drunk clear through
"Ths wicked don't live out half their days,
said n good man to his negro servant
"Dat is queer; said Cufy. "IIim no live
out half his day? Den sposc he die about
lebben o'clock in the forenoon ~
Be2.A gentleman in New Orleans was a
srceably surprised the other day, to find
plump turkey served up for las dinner, and
inquired Of his servant how It was obtained.
"Why, sar, replied the darkcy, "dat nr
turkey is been roostin CT our fence tree nigh;
so dis morning | seazed him for de rent oh
dc fence
! PorrING THE QCEsrIoN evening,
as | was sittiu' by iIetty, and had worked
myself to the sticking pint sez I, 'Hetty Il
n Teller was toask you to marry him, what
wud ypu say?' Then she laughed and seg
she, That would depend on who asked mt
| Then SCI |, Suppose it was Ned Willis ? Sea
she, I'D tell Ned liWis but not you. That
kinder staggered ne; but was too cute to
lose the opportunity, and 50 sez | agin, Sup
pose it WAS ne ?" And then you oytcr hay.
take no suppose Well no~, YOU see there
was nolhentor me to do but touch the gun of.
So bang it went. Scz |, 'Lor, Hctty is me.
Won't you say ycs?' And then there was
such hullaballoo in my head, don't know
what TUX place, but thought hoered vas
whisperin' somewhere out Of the akirnish
PADDY on AFRICA At negro celebration
lately, nh lrshman stood listening to color
espeaker, xpatiating upon government di.d
ire dom and as the orator came to Il "perioH
from the highest and I:.ost poetical heghts,
tue lrlslman said:
"Bedad, he spcakcs well f,r nagpr didn't
he now -
Somebody said, lie isn't negro, he is on.
y a half negro"
Only half nagur, is it? We'll, if hall
nagur can talk in that style, I'm thinking
wloIe nagur might bate the prophet Jere-
miah.
B4s-A country editor speaking ola mem
ber OF the Legislature, says: 'phe first year
he went to Harrisburg, he was so consceu-
: tlous as to utterly refuse his allotmennt Of
/ stealing, in the shape Of books and stationary
} The next year he did not hesitate, and finally
| came home unable to tell the truth under the
: most favorable circumstances
, We like fun. at is n great institution
If it was to come TO that, we should vote for
it with big ballot. Fun! 1t is what keeps
, most of us from getting sour; it adjusts the
, equipoisc Of lic--it mellows the flesh. ola
! the bones, rosifes the brain-sets one right
when his tendency is another way.
S gsS- What are yau doing with that lum-
/ bcr? cried a steamboat Captain to an Irish
, man, who staggering towards the boat be.
meath the weight ofa huge plank, juss rs the
bell was ringing for the last time. "What
Q am doing sure wasn't 1t ycrsclf as said
, yes as going, get board, and isn't this au
l elegant one entirely?" said the IIibernian
{ trlumphantly amid the laughter of the spccta-
tors. The captain gave him board and pas-
I sage that trip.
There is healing in smile, and laugtins
IS medicine to the mnd
/ TnASsESDESfA ALIsM y gu know madam,
that you cannot make silk pu!se out Ola SOW
ear.
! Oh sir, please fan me have limitations
Of swOon. When you use that odious spc.-
: cmcnof vnlgarity again, ,clothe:it in iiuer phra-
: seologyl You should have said 1t is impos-
siblet fabricatc pecuniary receptacle from
the auricular organ Of the softer sex genia.
hog.