, 1859-09-09
Divorced by Mistake,

both Of them designs upon the Legislature. Jones
bad bad wife, and was in love with pretty
woman-he wished to be divorced from his bad
wife, so that he might marry the pretty woman,
who by the way was widow, with black eyes,
and such forml Therefore Jones came to
Trenton for divorce. f a lssy a.r J. 5'.,.r 4
Smith had q good wife, good as an angel and
the mother Of ten children, and Smith did not
want to be divorced, but did want 70 get char.
ter for turnpike or plank-road, TO extend from
Pigs Run to TerTapin Hollow. l M RI
Well, they with these different errands came
to Trenton, and addressed the assembled wis
dom with the usual arguments. First, suppers
mainly composed Of oysters with rich back
ground Of venison; second, liquors In great
plenty from Jersey lightning, (which Is .
kind Of locomotive at full speed, reduced to
liquor shape-to Newark champagne. To speak
in plain prose, the divorce man gave cham.
payne supper, and Smith, tho turnpike man,
followed with champagne breakfast, under the
modifying influence Of which, the assembled
wisdom passed both the divorce and turnpike
bills; and Jones and Smiths copy Of each bill
In their pockets-went rejoicing home, over miles
Of sand, and through the tribulatiOn Of many
stage coaches
Smith arrived home in the evening, and, as be
sat down in his parlor, his pretty wife beside
him-how pretty she did look l-and Eve Of her
children overhearing the other five studying
their lessons in the corner Of the room, Smith
was induced to expatate upon the good results
Of his mission to Trenton. @
"a turnpike, my dear; am one Of the direc.
tors, and will be President. Il will set me up,
love; we can send our children 70 the boarding
school, and live in style out Of the toll Here s
the charter, honey" tNH
"Let me sec Il" said the pretty little wife,
who was one Of the incest Of wives, with plump
ness and goodness dimplng all over her face,
let me see 1t, as she leaned over Smiths shoul-
der. 20 i.4 "i+1 p as1i'
But all at once Smiths visaee grew long;
Smiths wifes Visage grew black. Smith was
not protane, but now he ripped out an awful
oath.
" Blast us, wife, these internal seoundrels at
Trenton have gone and divorced u.s." 91i 9
II was too true the parchment which he held
was bill Of divorce, In which the name Of Smith
and Smiths wife appeared in frightfally legible
Mrs Smith wiped her eyes with the corner Of
Here's q turnpike she said sadly, "and
with the whole Of our ten children staring me
in the face, amt your wiieI Here's turn
pike" sha9'. a'a
Blast the pike and the Legislature and
-" tie ,5IsW stsW tT3T
Well, tho fact is that Smith, reduced to single
blessedness, enacted into stranger to his own
wife, svore awfhlly, Although the night was
dark; and most Of the denixens Of Smiths town
had gone to bed, Smith bid his late wife 10 put
on her bonnet, and arn-in-srm they proceeded
to the clergyman Of their church. = NSAi
Goodness, bless mel" exclaimed the good
man as be saw them enter; Smith looking Ike
the last Of June shad, Smiths wife wiping her
eyes upon the corner Of her apron. Good
ness, bless me, what's the matterl"s 'ia aa.
"The matter Is, want you to marry us two
right OF" replied Smith. ,~.s,,oG y ara
j. Marry you" !" calculated the clergyman, with
expanded fingers and awful eyes; t'are you
drunk, Or what Is the matter with your"
However, he finally married them over straight
way, and would not take fee; the fact Is, grave
as he was, he was dying to be alone that he might
give vent to q suppressed laugh that was shak-
ing him al over; and Smith and Smiths wife
went joyfhlly home and kissed every ono Of
their children. Tho little Smiths never knew
that their father and mother had ever been made
strangers 70 each other BY legislative enact
ment. if -s+, 20 ei 1A ef
Meanwhile, and on the same night Jones re-
turned TO his native town--Bnrlington, believe
and sought ct once the fine black eyes which
he had hoped shortly to call his own. The pTet-
ty widow sat on the sofa, white kerchief tied
carelessly about her round white throat, her
black hair laidin silky waves against each rosy
cheek. "a g s,a8i 9aln hif.s1'sg n,eaf'sf n 4
divorce is the word !, cried Jones, playfally
patting her double chin the fact Is, Eliza, I'm
rid Of that cursed woman, and you and IN be
married tonight know how to manage those
scoundrels at Trenton. A champagne supper
or was il breakfast e--did the business for them
Put on your bonnet and let Us go to the preachf
eFiq NJ nnca dearesf " " fil'f a-if ~ f' iHts
The widow, who was among widows as peaches
among apples, put on her bonnet and took Jones'
arm, and eaI-t. don. i-r5,i--.
"Just look how handsome Il is put on parch.
mentl" cried Jones, pulling out the document be-
fore her; "here's the law that says that Jacob
Jones and Ann Caroline Jones are two"
Putting her plump gOyed hand on bis shoul-
der, she did look at 1t.
10 dear!" she said, with her rosy lips, and
sank back, half fainting, on the sofa.
30 blazesl" cried Jones, and sank beside her,
rustling the fatal parchment in his hand; "here's
lot of happiness and champagne gone TO ruin"
TWAS hard case. Instead Of being divorced,
and at liberty to marry the widow, Jacob Jones
was simply, by the Legislature Of New Jersey,
incorporated into turnpike company, and what
made it worse, authorized TO run from Burling-
| ton to Bristoli When you reflect that Burling-
ton and Bristol are located just wile apart,
on opposite sides Of the Delaware river, You
will observe the extreme hopelessness Of Jones'
case. ..f
ats an the fault Of that turnpike man who
gave them the champagne supper-Or was Il the
| breakfast Z" cried Jones in agony. "lf they'd
chartered me to q turnpike from Pigs Run 10
Terrapin Hollow, might have borne e; but tho
very idea Of building . turnpike from BuFlihg-
ton to Bristol bears an absurdity on the face Of
L."
So il did.
"And you amt divorced" /" said Eliza, tear
running down each cheek. " 90
"NO" thundsred Jones, crushing his hat be-
| fveen his knees - and what 4 worse the Leeis-