Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-04-29
VOL. X---NO. 43.
WIT AND HUMOX.

RAISING THE DEvIL.-Calling a printers
boy out of bed in the morning.
@ "What's the use," asked an idle fel.
low, "of a mans working himself to death
to get a living"
For SuoRT.-A correspondent wrtin z
from Leavenworth. Kansas, abreviates the
name of that town thus I'll worth"
Cy When woman can faint, and has a
capital opportunity for fanting, and yet
doesn't faint, you may be telerably sure
that she has some other teint in view.
gsas-A fellow in New York has a nose so
long that an eminent surgeon has recon-
mended him 20 have hinge made for it, SO
that he can shut his pruboscis up like q jack
knife on going to bed.
RT Somebody advertises for agents to
sell a work entitled, "IIymenial lnstructor.''
The best hymenial instructor we know of,
is q young widow. What she don't know
there is no use in learning.
60 "Oh, my dear. how came you 81
wet ?" inquired an affectionate mother of
her son. "Nhy, mother, one of the boys
said darsn't jump into the creek, and by
gosh, | tell ycu ain't to be dared"
o. Sam - ''Gumbo. whar does you live
row, eh 20
Gumbo-''I doesn't live no whars now.
glib up residing tree weeks ago, and moved
OFT on account oh de berry bad wedder.'
sB 1t was smart boy who owned up
that he liked everything good, but good
arhipping. The same boy liked good rainy
day, too rainy to 60 to school, and Just about
tn
"Jimmy, are your folks all we'll ?"
eyes, ma'am, all but Sally Ann"
''What's the matter with her?"
go, nothin' particular, only she had the
hoopin- cough once and >he amt never got
over it. The cough amt any account now,
but she has to hop desperate"
~ The bachelor editor of the Martins
vile Bulletin says a young lady Of that
town recently sent him present of nice
pair of sheets and pillow slips" Rather
suggestive, we think. They don't do that
wav out here when an old bachelor re-
ceives such present as that, ''a gal,' ke u
spool of thread, is always ''fung in"
CwM. Chevalier the French tr.veler. in
his letters from the United States, says:-
"There exists q Yankee in Connection,
forty years of age, who has never been in
bed of night for fear some of his neghbors
would be up in the morning before him
And that is the characteristic Of the people
they are ali alike"
GS The customers of a certain cooper in
a town out West, caused lin vast deal Of
vexation by their saving habits and persis-
tence in getting all their old tubs and casks
repaired, aud buying but little new work.
II stood it, however, said he, until one
day old Sam Crabtree brought in an 'old
bung hole to which he said ho wanted
new barrel made. Then quilted the bust
ness in disgust"
ssy There is little three Year old boy
in Norwalk, Conn.,, already y set apart for the
legal profession, the Gazette says: Being
taken in hand with switch after having
been forbidden to pick another pear from
tayorite dwarf tree he in iguantly exclaim.
ed, "mamma did not pick off the pear
YOU come and see if did, Sure enough he
didn't He simply stood there and ate it,
and the core was still! dangling from the tree!
Not long ago man of low character
and no ostensble vocation, managed to get
in debt to some of the merchants of Rutland,
VT, and then ran away. Tie fact of his
abscondlng being mentioned soon after in
the presence of an Irishnan who happened
to know the delinquent party, Dennis stated
the case with great accuracy by exclaiming
-"Faith, Sir, Pm thinking the loss of him
will be an addition to the town % The SEN
ate concurred.
~ A poor young man once fell in love
with an heiress, and the passion being re-
turned, it only wanted the parents consent
to make him happy. As length meeting the
father, he asked for the daughters ham,.
"IIow much can you command - asked the
millionaire gruftiy. 81 cannot command
much," was the reply. "What are your
expectations 2" "Well, to tell the truth,
expect to run away with your daughter and
marry her, if you don't give your CONSENT"
The millionaire consented.
~ A young lady at party having ex-
pressed to her hairy=lipped partner de-
sed to give reason for it, she at first fem
ced Oft the question by declaring that a
lady needs no reason for disliking things.
On being further questioned, she glanced
slyly at the mistletoe, a nd then darling an
arch look at her partners anxious face, ON
which the most luxuriant mustache had
been cultivated, she replied with the most
Charming nayiete don't mind tel
ling you. 1t is because they-oh-so tickis
me-"
s'LAsr OF THE HCGGERNUeGERs."- A
sprightly schoolgirl, who attends the Gem
trail High School, where the teachers have
a way o; melting the pupils to understand
what they say to the class. was "eadng the
"Last of the Huggermusgers - and stir
red by the spirit of inquiry stimulated by
her teachers, if not by mutual feminine Gu
rosity, askel boy cousin of hers the mean
ing of Hugsermugger. John looked thought
full for moment, and then said, s'l'll show
you," and before the ncpient woman had
time to make any further remarks, John
had his arms around her waist, and subject
ed it to gentle pres ure-"That's Augger;
and thisputting his lips to hers in affection
ate col.ision) is mugger." eyes," said the
not more than halt displeascd Sarah Ann,
''and this is the last OF the huggermuggers,
for if you ever attempt to give me another
such definition, III box your ars."
A WORD FOR THE BIRDs.-Wilson,
the ornithologist, computes that each
red-winged blackbird destroys on an
average fifty grubs q day during the
summer. A few figures will show you
how many this would amount to in the
course of the season. The robin, the
wood thrush, the blue bird, the cat
bird, the sparrow, the oriole, the wood
pecker, and many other birds, are
equally useful. The folly Of killing
them is euualled onlv by it's wick edness.