The eastern clarion., 1859-08-24
I The san FS01clSc0 tCOi.) Golden Era.
A Short Patent Sermon.

BY DOW, JR.
Nv text is contained in these words.
which most Of you have probably seen
somewhere, or somewhere else:
Pray, tell me how the devil was dressed
oh! he was in his Sunday best:
His coat Vl- black, and hls trousers blue
With hole behind where ms ta came thro'.-
My HEARERS: The origin of this notO-
rlous scamp-the devils wrapped up in
great many thicknesses of obscurty
As to his paternity, 1t is generally sup
posed that he never had father nor a
! mother, but is entirely selfmade for
which wonderful piece of workmanship
he, no doubt, takes a vast deal of credit
to himself. The first we hear of his super
royal highness, he was "slOshing about
in heaven, at a terrible rate, and frighten-
/ ing the infant Cherubim into fits. He
pretended to be dissatisfied with the gen
eral government up there, but the throne
was his sole object; and, | may say, he
fought like the devil to reach it. He
thought if he could only be king of that
extensive dominion for a few millions of
years, matters would be so put to rights
that they would take care of themselves
for the balance of eternity. So, he fought
like threshing-machine for the crown of
glory but, my brethren, he hadn't am
munitiOn enough-his rations were short
his cause wasn't just-and the hosts OF
the Lord too many for him. He was cor
nered at last, and pitched over the balco-
ny; and down, down he came, ker-ch,uak,
somewhere in the centre of the great Dis
nal Swamp. BY that disastrous fall, my
brethren, he 80 injured his left foot. that
! it withered and turned into hooG, which
| he exhibits even to this day, except when
artfully concealed by a nicely-polished
| calf-skin boot.
/ The first of this rascal's capers upon
| earth, my friends, was that of transform
ing himself into beautiful garter-snake,
and SO charming good mother Eve that
she one day committed slight misde-
meanor, and forfeited her third" of Par
adise-and away went poor Adams share,
in the bargain. And | verify believe that
the same old reptile holds fascinating
power over the fair sex at the present time.
His fallen Greatness, my brethren, then
put on suitable rig Of asbestos, and
turned hreman-nOt one Of the b'hoys
that run with the big squirting machine
but such a fireman as p employed upon q
steamboat, to heave in the wood and keer
the blazes up. His great pyrotechnic es
tablishment is in some locality best known
to himself; but with which, trust, yol
will become fully acquainted at some fu
ture period.
Ny brethren. when the devil comes t
town, nowadays he dotfs his old fire tog
| gerry, and dresses either in the flash styl,
or assumes a more gentlemanly garb-sel
dom, indeed, coming in coarse home-spun
or with a seedy coat, stogy boots and Z
sooty shirt. Sometimes he may be seer
strutting along quite fancifully attired-
with coat of claret vest of buff, pants o
sky-blue, and hat and boots of ivory pol
ish with three diamond studs and a mug
get in his bosom-and gold watch-chain
large and strong enough to tether mad
elephant; but, with all these, there is al
ways n hole behind where the tail comes
through. Sometimes, too, he appears in
a more respectable guise of plain black
with moderately short, business-hke hair
and well-trimmed whiskers. In such raj
ment he might readily be mistaken for al
unadulterated gentleman-an Influential
and prominent citizen-were it not that
there is hole behind, and the tail ,cil
work itself through.
And, brethren, | have even known the
old scoundrel to don the pontiticial robe
get into the pulpit and preach Christ
and him crucihed,n at a salary per annun
that would crowd all the piety of you
poor pastor in less than fortnight from
the date of the first payment. could n
possibly have the handling of so mucl
money and hold on to my religion. Yes
brethren, I've seen the devil, in clerica
duds, holding forth to an admiring con
gregation in most eloquent style, festOon
ing the garden of heaven with the rares
of exotics, and describing hell as a hun
dred times hotter than he himself coulC
ever make it with a cargo of rosin, pitcl
and camphene. His neither ornamen
was not visible while madlv uttering tn,
words of truth and soberness''-ye
there was a hole behind for the tail L
come through; and the tip end of
might be seen peeping from beneath hi
ecclesiastical cloak as he walked in tn
highways, as proud as a peacock and sti
as a roll of sole-leather | have also see
his devilship at the bar. upon the bencl
in State Legislatures and in our Nations
= Congress. At all these places he has eve
! worn the dress of a gentleman, but a
l ways slipped up on the behavior, and e.
posed the hole behind where the tail can
through.
And now, my unsuspecting young 81
d ters: beware of a gay charmer, who pa
you thousand compliments and has
l many more ready for another-who tall
l of love and totes you about, but new
n thinks of matrimony-whose kiss is
e blight to the bloom of innocence-wl
y pluck. the flower and leaves the tree
r wither. | say, beware Of him, for he
( the very devil himself-tail or no tall
| So mote it be.