The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-06-08
MISCELLANEOUS AND NEWS ITEMS.
"A strap is sometimes a very good thing TO
sharpen razors and duh boys.
= If you would enjoy yourself, always
be late at ball; it's past time.


If you would enjoy yourself, always
be late at ball; it's past time.
A negro once gave the following tonst:--
"De gubernor OBJ de state-he came in wild ber-
ry little opposition, he e out wild none at all"
- Those men talk most who are in the great
est mental darkness; frogs cease their eroaking
when a light is brought to the water side.
= Most articles fuctuate in value but il has
generally been observed, that pen, ink and pa
per are always stationery.
Simplicity of manner, rs Of dress, is
charm that woman generally admires
inpanother moro than in herself.
"A new sewing machine to collect
rents, mend manners and repair family
breaches, would find ready sale.
= Never confide in a young man; new
pals leak. Never tell your secrets to the
aged; old doors seldom shut closely.
A rustic friend suggests that type
setting must be a sedcntary occupation.
A great many stand ii though.
"What did you give for that horse,
neighbor" "My note" "Well, that
was cheap enough"
= Every family ought to keep a kit
ten TO amuse the children. They should
also keep children to amuse the kitten.
Life may be merry, as well as use
ful. Every person that owns mouth
has always good opening for laugh.
- Among the prominent benevolent objects
of the day. we perceive the call for the formation
of a society for the amelioraton of the condition
of women with snoring husbands.
- Conquer your own passions; it will
be more glorious for you to triumph over
your own heart, than it would to take q
citadel.
: The Egyptians at their feasts, to
prevent excesses, sat skeleton before the
guests, with this motto, Remember, ye
must shortly be SUCH"
- There is but one solid pleasure in
life, and that is our duty. How misera-
ble then, how unwise, how objectionable
are they who make that one n pain.
- An incurable punster declares that
the new kind of paper made out of Strdw
will doubtless lay the foundation Of n new
Literature.
"What branch of education do you
have chiefly in your schoolw
"A branch of birch, sir; the master
has used almost whole tree"
= "Tom, are you broke" "Yes," said
Tom with sigh, ''and so dead broke that
if steamboats, were selling at a cent a
piece, l couldn't by a gangway plank"
BARRIERS complain that The prevailing
custom of wearing all the hair that will
grow on the face has decreased their bus
iness at least 10 per cent.
A traveller, in tho "good old days of high
waymen," having to set out on n journey thro'
q dangerous district, said he had taken every
precaution against sudden attack, and had two
loaded pistols at the bottom of his trunk.
An actor with very homely phz was act
ing Mithridates, when beautiful captive said
to him, "Ah, my lord, you change countenance."
Hook, who was in the pit. exclaimed, "Don't
stop him, don't stop himj for heavens sake, let
him."
A Quill has been defined by somebody as
an instrument taken from the pinion of one
goose to spread the opinions Of the other. We
may add that the gable of the first goose is
very often more tolerabe than that Of the second.
When stone was once thrown into the pull
pit where John Murray was preaching, in Bos-
ton, he picked il up, and, holding it before his
congregation, said, "this is n weighty argument,
but neither rational nor convincing"
- 1t was q fine and true remark they
who will abandon friend for one error,
know but little of the human character,
and prove that their hearts are as cold as
their judgments are weak.
-"Did your fall hurt you!" said one
hod carrier 10 another, who had fallen
from the top of two story house.
"Not in the laste, honey; twas stop
pin so quick that hurt me"
- The landlord of hotel in Columbia called
boarder to him one day, and said "Look here,
want you to pay your bill, and you must. I've
asked you often enough, and you don't leave my
house till you pay" "Good," said his lodger,
"just put that in writing, make a regular agree
ment Of it, and I'll stay with you as long as 1
live"
DIR. Franklin, in summing up the
domestic evils of drunkenness, says =
"Houses without windows, gardens with
out fences, fields without tillage, barns
without roofs, children without clothing,
principles, morals or manners"
-"No woman can be a lady who
would wound or mortify another. No
matter how beautiful, how refined, how
cultivated she may be, she is in reality
coarse, and the mate vulgarity of her ma
ture manifests itself here. Courteous
treatment of all persons, is one mark of a
true woman.
Friction of the skin conduces 10
health. Two meals a day and no lunch
con are best. Sleep is the bet restorer
Of the nervous system. The drink which
nature provides is pure cold water. Cloth
ing worn during the day should not be
worn at night. Physicians concur in the
opinion that very little, if any, drink,
should be imbibed at meals.
Ezy~ Suicide is becoming very prevalent in