, 1859-05-20

lips.
Inpelled BY that rcstlcssness Of body which
results from the agitation Of the mind, 1took up
my nat called Neptune to follow me, and pre-
pared to seek abroad that distraction for my grief
which could not be found in the quiet Of my home.
N leaving the room, my eye accidentally glanced
toward my pistols. Ny hand was on the lock Of
the door. perceived that to approach the place
where they lay was like tempting Hell to tempt
me; but . thought flashed across my mind, that
10 die were to punish the unworthy authors Of
my sorrow--wcre to strike imperishable rcmorse
TO the hearts Of Maria and Of John; and took the
pistols with me, muttering, as concealed them
in my breast, perhaps may want them"
In this frame Of mind, wandering through back
and retired streets, with no other motive to direct
me than the necessity Of locOmotion, at length
found myself on the banks Of the Thames, at no
great distance from Westminster Bridge. Ny
boat was kept near this place. On the water, I
should be delivered from all apprehcnsions Of
observing eyes-I should be alone with nv sor-
row; and, uniavorable as the season and the
weather were, proceeded to the spot where my
boat was moored. bad time for boating, Mr..
Luttrell," " said PineT, who had the charge Of my
whcrry; ats mortal cold, and there's rain get
ting out there to the windward." But, careless
Of his good-natured remonstrances, seized the
oars impatiently from his hand, and proceeded In
angry silence to the boat pushed her of, and
rowed rapidly up the river towards Chelsea, with
Neptune lying at my feet When thus found
myself alone upon the water, with none TO know,
or marx, or overhcar me, my grief breaking
through oil the restraints that had confined Il as
long as was exposed to the inspection Of my
fellow creatures, discharged itself in vehement
exclamations Of indignant passion. "Fooli-
idiot that I was to trust themI Nothing on earth
shall ever induce me now to look upon them.
Oh, Mariai should have thought Il happiness
enough to have died for you; and you to desert
me, to fall away from me, too, at the moment
when single smile Of yours might have indem-
ni6ed me for all the wrongs Of fortune, all the
treachery Of friendship As to Fraser, men are
oil alike: selfish by nature, habit, education.
They are trained to baseness and he Is the wiscst
man who becomes earliest acquainted with susft
cion. He is the happiest who, scOrning their
hollow demonstrations Of attachment, constFains
every sympathy Of his nature within the close
imprisonment Of Q cold and unpaTticipatng self
ishness; but III be revenged Fallen as am
sunk, Impoverished, despised Is Lionel LuttreT
may be, the perddiOus shall yet be taught 70 know
that he will not be spurned with impunity, or
trampled on without rcprisall"
Al these words some violence Of gesture, ac-
companying the vchcmcnce Of my sentiment,
interfered with the repose Of Neptune, who was
quietly sleeping at the bottom Of the boat. The
dog vented his impatience In quick and angry
growl. At that moment my irritation amounted
almost to madness. "Right-righti" Icxclaim-
cd, "my very dog turns against me. Ho with
draws the mcrcenary attachment which my food
bad purchased, now that the sources which sup
Piled Il have become exhausted" imputed 10
my dog the frailliss Of man, and hastened, In
tho wild suggestion Of the instant, to take severe
and summary vengeance on his ingratitudc.
drew forth pistol from my breast, and ordered
him to take to the water. determined to shoot
him as he was swimming, and then leave him
there to die. Neptune hcstatcd In obeying me.
lie was scarcely aroused; perhaps he did not
comprehend my command. My impaticnce
would brook no delay. Twas in no humor to be
thwarted. Standing up in the boat, proceeded,
with sudden effort Of strength, to cast the dog
into the river. My purpose hiled-my balance
was lost-and-in moment Of timc-I found
myself engaged in desperate struggle for exist
ence with the dark, deep waters Of the Thames
cannot swim. Dcath-death in al its terrors
instantaneous, inevitable death, was the idea
that pressed upon my mind, and occupied all is
faculties. poor Neptune required no sOlici-
tation lie no sooaer witnessed the danger Of
his master, than ho sprang forward 10 my rescue,
and, sustaining my head above the water, swan
stoutly with me 10 the boat.
When once rescatcd there, as ! looked upon
my preseryer shaking the water from his coat as
composedly as if noting extraordinary had hap
pencd, my conscience became penetrated with
the bitterest feelings Of remorse and shame.
SSfjudged, sef-corrected, sefcondemned, sat
like guilty wretch In the presence Of that noble
animal, who, having saved my life at the very
moment was meditating his destruction, seemed
Of too generous . nature to imagine that the act
he had performed exceeded the ordinary limits Of
his service, deserved any special gratitude from
his master. felt as one who had In intention
committed murder on his heuehctor, and, as
slowly rOwed towards tho land, eloquent IN the
praise Of the unconscious Neptune, the rccollec-
ton Of my perious cscape-thc complete convic-
tion Of my having in one instance been mistlken
in my anger, and, perhaps, most unrOmantc as
il may sound, the physical operation Of my cold
bath and my wet habilimcnts-ail these causes,
united, operated so cffcctualy 10 allay the fever
Of my irritatOd passions. that the agitation Of my
mind was sOothed. Mine was now the spirit Of
one in sorrow, not In anger. Humbled in mine
own opinion, my indignation against Maria and
John Fraser, for their cold-hearted, their cruel
desertion Of my distrcsses, was exchanged for q
mingled sentiment Of tenderness and forgiveness
On reaching the laningplace, FASTENED to take
possession Of the first hackney coach, and, calling
Neptune into Il, drove off to my lodgings in Con-
duit street.
On arriving at my apartments, the first object
that presented itself TO my eye was note from
Maria. I knew the peculiar shape Of the billet
before was near enough TO distinguish the hand
writing. All the blood in my veins seemed to
rush back towards my heart, and there to stand
trembling at the scat Of life and motion, Ishook
like q terrified infant Who could divine the
nature Of the intelligence which that note Con-
tained! held the paper some minutes in my
hand before could obtain sufficient command
over myself to open it. That writing conveyed
to me the sentence Of my future destiny. lis
purport was pregnant Of the misery or happiness
of my affcr If. Al la,,0th with n sild1an n