The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1859-10-14
WRITTEN FOR SOUTHERN PAPER, But SUITED
TO MOST MERIDIANs.


My DEAR Sir Il have just returned from a
tour throughout the State, and proceed to fur
nish you with an account OF my labors and their
success. have been gone for three months,
and assure you, in all sincerity, that am fully
satisfied You furnished me with list OF one
hundred and seventeen owing subscribers, as
you will recollect. | have called upon one
hundred and four OF them, and have the hon or
of paying over to your order three dollars and
twelve and half cents, being the amount 10
which you are entitled. return you the list
numbered TO II, and now give the reply of
each.
No. lis minister. He says, in the first
place, he never got one-half OF the numbers,
and in the next place your joker'S column was
too scurrilous. He can't think of aiding to sus-
tain paper that advertises horse races and gan
der pullings. Besides he knows from the tone
of your editorials that you drink, and paying
you would only be the means OF your ending
your days in the kennel. He wonders at your
impudence in sending him his bill after publish
ing the account of the great prize fight.
No. 2-Is in jail for debt He has not seen
a half dollar for one year. Says he would pay
with the utmost cheerfulneSs, il he only had the
money, but he had to borrow shirt TO put on
last Sunday. Admi-es your paper wonderfully,
and hopes you will continue sending it to him.
II you send him any more papers, he hopes
that you will see that the postage is paid.
No. SIS young doctor. Says your pa
per is beneath the notice of a gentleman.
Wouldn't give a-ior a cart load of them.
Says you inserted an article rejecting upon the
profession. Cuss'd yohr bill, and says you
may collect 1t the best way you can.
No. 4-ls an old maid. Says you are al
ways making a fling az single ladies OF an un-
certain age. Wouldn't pay you if she was roll
ling in wealth, and you hadn't as much cash as
would buy crust OF bread. Sent all the pa
pers she had back a month ago, and says now
that she sent them back she don't owe you any
IliuS. says SIG 10 even WIN JSb> anu
to keen 50 tlIl the last day of her lie.
No. 5-Is gambler--a sporting gentleman.
Says be got completely cleaned out last week
at the races. Couldn't accommodate his grand
mother with half dime if she was starving.
Likes your pape: tolerably-woud like it bet
ter if you published more races, and would
occasionally give an account of chicken fight
Likes the description OF the prize fight amazing
ly-it redeemed a multitude Of your faults.
He is after rich young green horn who arri-
we'd here last week Will pay your Dill out of
the pluckings.
No. 6-Is an old drunkard. Hasn't got any,
thing, and never expects to have. Gathered up
all the papers that he had and sold them for
half-pint of rum to the doggery to wrap grocer
les in. Wished you would send him a pile.
Winked at me when presented your bill and
inquired if l wasn't distant relation Of the man
that butted the bull off the bridge.
No. Us magistrate. Swore he never
owed you a cent, and told me was low ras-
cal for trying to swindle him IN such bare
faced manner Advised ME to make tracks IN
little less than no time, or he would get out a
waran. against me as a common cheat, and
have me sent to prison. Took his advice.
No. SIS politician. Meant to have told
YOU year ago TO stop his paper, but forgot 1t.
Tells you to do so now, and thinks you are get
ting off very cheaPly in not losing any more by
him. Believes you 10 be rascal and is too
honorable to have anything to do with you, as
it might compromise him and injure his pros
poets.
No. 9-Paid up like man, The only one
likes your paper 6rstrate, and means to take Vt
and pay for as long as you publish il or he lives
Asked me to dinner, and treated me like king.
An oasis IN the desert >
No. l0-Is merchant. Expects to oreak