Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-04-16
$3.50 A YEAR
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

TaCL, 4dQCy ana FUN 80
The Height of Coolness--the top
of Mount Blanc.
God made many poets, but only
gave utterance to few.
Why is the birth of an infant like
the relief Of Lucknow? Because the
expected succor arrived.
"A sailor looking serieus in & chap
ell in Boston, was asked by minister
if he felt any change. "Nary a red"
said Jack.
-"She isn't all my fancy painted
her," bitterly exclaimed rejected lov-
er: "and worse than that she isn't what
she paints herself" .s :
A fellow out of health went to
Saratoga to pick up little, and picked
up enough to send him to the State
Prison for three years.
Says country girl, describing her
country home, eve raise our own fruit
and vegetables, make our own pork,
and lag oar oacn eggs."
An exchange tells story of ne-
gro boy who fell into hogshaad of mo-
lasses, and wonders if they licked him
when they took him out
A married monster said that he
lately dreamed that he had an angel
by him, and upon waking up found it
was nobody but his wife. .s.
Mrs. Parting,on asks very indig--
nantly if the bills before Congress are
not counterfeit, why there should be
such difficulty in passing them.
How an old maid eyes single
gentleman She looks at him as she
does at a dog in the dog g.day, wonder
ing whether he intends to bite.
PHRENoLoeY.-There is phrenolo-
gist in London who can tell the con-
tents Of a barrel by examining its head.
He makes his examination with gim-
let. ... .-...s.. -.e
-"Say, massa, where did the Mexi.
oeae eeff;er the ,aoet ?'' -7
"Why, in de. feet (defeat, to be sure,
What do you ask such silly questions
for?"
during recent steamboat trip
down the Ohio, the berths became so
scarce that a tall Vermont Yankee let
his at two dollars per night, and slept
in it by day.
Mrs. Partington says, that if she
should De cast away, she would prefer
meeting with the catastrophe in the
Bay of Biscuits" for then she should
have something to live on.
When person disputes with his
neighbor from their respective win
dows, why is there no chance of their
being able to agree ?-Because they
dispute from a!.tarent premises.
-"What makes you so glum, Tom?"
ooh, have h.d to endure a sad trial
to my feelngs.' "What on earth was
it % ''Why had to tie on a pretty
girls bonnet while her ma was looking
on"
-'The winds getting round," re-
marked Bibbs to his friend Buggins,
the other day, when it changed from
east to west. "Glad of it." replied
E5ugeins; ''it's been sharp long
enough"
-"Hsw is your husband this after
noon, Mrs. Squiggs %
ooh, why the doctor says as how if
he lives till mornn' he shall have some
hopes Of him; but if he don't, why, be,
must give him up"
-"No man." says Mrs Partington,
''was better calculated tojudge ofpork
than my poor husband; when he was
living man, he knew what good hogs
were, for he had been brought up
among 'em from his childhood"
-"George," said young lady,
s:theres nothing interesting in the pa
per to day is there2" ''No, love, but
I hope there will be one day, when we
shall! both be Interested" The young
lady blushed, and Of course she said:
''For shame, Georgen'
do you think raw CLANS are
healthy, Bob"
eyes, do"
''Soinc folks say they isn't"
Il don't care what some folks saw.
but [ never knew raw clam complain
Of being out of health"
And where was the man stab
bed, SIR" asked an excited man Of
physician. $3.50 rsc @l s.'.t
s'The man was stabbed about an
inch and half to the left of the medi-
an line, and about an inch above the
umbilicus," was the reply. .
ssOh, yes; I understand now. But
I thought it was near the Court
House,