Nebraska advertiser., 1859-05-12

ceived the following emphatic order:
-, Sangamon Co., H., March 18
& Co:
SIRs: Send US one Of them id things
that makes such HI of noise about
hotel. We've opened a hotel here last
week, and want to make as much noise as
anybody. Send bill.
P. S.-A feller here says they call
them gongs in Terre Haute.
A fastidious lady was greatly shocked
the other day on reading that male and
female strawberry plants were frequently
found occupying the same bed.
A person looking at some skeletons the
other day, asked a young doctor present
where he got them. He replied, "We
raised them"
A man in Maine who had stolen a watch
gave as an excuse that he was unwell, and
his physician advised him 10 take some
thing.
AS polite omnibus agent of the Lex.
ington and Louisville Railroad was going
through the ladies' car, chickeng baggage,
he asked very pretty young lady if She
had any baggage she wished taken to a
hotel. She replied, "No, SIR" The
agent then asked her if she would take a
bus. She instantly gave him very
sweet smile and replied, "No, sir, am
not in bussing humor this evening. -
The agent dropped his memorandum book
and returning to the baggage car said he
felt unwell.-LeringtOn &ateSmal.
A fellow was asked once what inference
he could draw from the text IN Job, "And
wild asses snufed up the wind"
"Well,' he replied, "the only inference
| that can draw IS this, that it would be
long time before they would grow fat
upon it"
'"Come here, sissy" said young gent
to little girl, TO whose sister he was pay
ing his addresses. "You are the sweetest
thing on earth.''
mol amt" she replied, "sister says
you are the sweetest. !"
The gentleman popped the questionthe
next day,
A French woman slides, Spanish
woman glides, an American woman trots,
and an English woman tramps, and a
Dutch woman PAGES.
An Iowa farmer being asked if he had
done much farming before, replied, No,
but last year l farmed considerably behind
The coat of horse isthe gift of nature.
That of an ass is often the work Of tailor.
A testy lawyer in one of our courts
found himself bothered with knotty wit
ness, who would not. explain as he desired,
the difference between the hick and long
kinds of whales bone. "Why, man, he
said, ''5ou do not seem to know the dis
tinction between thick and long," Don't
I though ?''
Some newspaper "chap,.. spitefully says
that LondUner's lunch consists of slice
Of am, hOniOn, six heggs and quart
Of hale.
The most popular belle, always and
every where, is the dinner bell.
Sidney Smith says, "a great many
people are very willing to do tue Samari-
tan without the oil and without the two.
pence.". Are there no more who are
willing to do without the Samaritan also!
The Spiritual Telegraph is a fair speci-
men of raPping paper.
Wonder if Indian-rubber pens were not
the invention of some Cobb; junior, who
.wanted.to stretch out a story, or give elas-
ticity to the .truth7 80:
Farmers and gardeners are beginning
to look seedy as spring approaches.
The weather has got clear from its cold
by. taking spring.
There is a cheap Omnibus line in this
city, which always runs so full that there
is not room enough for another bug.
In love and law Caught and Court are
Synonymous. Two or three letters make
all the difference.
The man who had one Of his legs cut
Tuf thinks he has cause TO- remember the
lsame.
The belligerent. parties in the Yates
and Thackerayquarrel have clubbed, arms
and concluded to go to the Dickens.
/ What are the frequent results of ir-
regular living in Paris7 Many are found
in Seiae.
A puzzled etymologist complains thai
Worcester is pronounced Wooster, and
wants to know how Rooster ought to be
spelled2
I A boys composition, 'On the Seasons
There is four seasons spring, summer
autumn, and winter. They are all pleas
ant. Some people like the spring best
bun as for me, give me liberty or give mt
death. The end"
Our assistant says, '.tinis, from finish
! to end"
On what day did the body of New Yorl
merchants go angling7 On the 18th o
October, 1857, when dolon on the Banks