Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1859-09-27
Tit-9its.

~ Religion and medicine are not re-
sponsible for the faults and mistakes Of
their doctors.
E-A friend has dog so very serious
that even bis tail has not the least bit OF
t0dg about it. ..
RgWhen we get as tight as the ladies'
corsets, our habits are apt to get as loose
as their crinoline.
wLife is beautiful night, in which
not one star goes down, but another rises
TO take its place-Jean Paul.
w"You seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend" eyes, l have been
straightened by circumstances"
w"Ned has run away with your
wife," said one frieLd to another. "Ls
il possible? Itruly pity his sad mishap.' y
Eg"You are little bear, madam"
"Sir."
about the shoulders, l mean,
madam"
Eg"Say, Sammy. why don't your
mother mend that mp in your breechesT'
20, she's away to the sewing circle to
make clothes for poor children"
g-The age Of young lady is now
expressed according to the present style
Of skirts, by saying that eighteen springs
had passed over her head"
ETMrs. Partington desires to know
why the captain Of vessel can't keep a
memorandum of his anchor, instead of
weighing it every time be leaves port"
Ey"I haven't taken drop of fermen-
ted liquor for year." said man of ques-
tionable veracity "1ndeed! but which of
your features are we to believe, your lips
or your nose?'
EE-The Post Office at New Haven,
Conn, was burglariously entered on Sat
urday night and robbed. 1t is believed
that the robbers obtained sufficient to re-
pay their labors.
~A printer at dinner table, being
asked if he would take some pudding, re-
Piled Owing to crowd Of other matter
/ am unable to make room for it. His
''inside" was already full.
~"Jonny," said doting mother to
her somewhat Unsuitable son, "can you
eat that pudding with impunity?" 81
don't know, ma" quoth young hopeful,
''but 'spose can with spoon"
EET There is small division in the
Democratic party OF Wisconsin, caused by
preferences for different men as candidates
for Governor. The fractions are respec-
lively. known as Dog -dayites and anti Dog
dayites.
wA gentleman having horse that
ran away and broke bis wile's neck, was
told by neighbor that he wished to pur-
chase it for his wife to ride on. "No,"
says the other, 81 intend to get married
again myself"
w"Is them old fellows alive now?"
asked an urchin of his teacher.
"What old persons do you mean,
sir?"
"Why, Paul. Luke, and Deuteronomy,
and them"
The REToRT.--Mr. Colt, Superinten-
dent of the canal at Fort Stanwix, being
provoked at an Irishman, gave him kick.
"By St. Patrick' retorted the Hibernian,
''if you kick 80, while you are Colt, what
will you do, when you come to be
HorseP"
EY-A young lady fresh from boarding
school and every accomplished" on re-
turning to her fathers house, was re-
quested by the cold man" to go out and
help milk the cows. and on getting into
the yard innocently inquired, "Which
Of the animals gives the 6uttermilk."
~T Tom says he has cured pain in the
head of navigation. drawn teeth from the
mouth of the Ohio! He has anatomized
the side of mountain, blistered the foot
of hill, felt the pulse of an arm of the
sea, plastered cut on the hand of nature,
and cured felon on the finger of scorn.
~ You can't even tell who made the
monkey, for all you pretend to know so
much" " said an impertinent fopto clergy
man, who had reproved him for profanity.
Eyes, | can,' said the clergyman.
"Well, then, who did make the mon
key?"
"He who made you."
Eg-One day little girl. about five
years old, heard preacher of certain
denomination praying most Justify. till the
roof rang with the strength of his suppl,
cations. Turning to her mother and
beckoning the maternal ear down to
speaking distance, she whispered: Moth
er, don't you think that if lie lived nearer
God he wouldn't have to talk SO loud?"
g AT Genoa. an innkeeper declined
to accept money for glass OF brandy sup
piled to Chasseur de Vincennes, and
when the soldier insisted, the lnnkeeper
said
mo, instead Of money, you must kill an
Austrian
agreed" said the soldier, laughing,
.'hand me another glass, and will Kill
Two ior you.