Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-05-06
WIT AND HUMOIs.

Oay SCnOOl Salu TO MS tnoCner, MI, alu
there kitten. .chism for little boys ?--thi:
cat-achism is so hard"
@ There is a young lady up town, who
says that if wheel has nine fellows, it's s
pity if 4 woman cannot have one.' Sensi'
BILE girl that-so we think.
az A negro on being examined, wa:
asked if his master was Christian. "No
sir, he's q member of Congress-" was the
reply.
watch. The maker shovel her, among 9th
era, . beautiful one, remarking that it wen,
thirty six hours. SIN one day?' asked
poor Susan.
GTA mad bull broke loose, in the stree Is
of Cincinnati, and rushed furiously through
acrowd OF men aud boys. 1t was aa instance
of knocking down a score of persons by a
6uH-rush,
s@s'Doc.," said yong miss of the
l.gh-heeled modesty school, "ma sent me to
tell You that Cordelia Maria Louisa Rhody
Jane has got sore above the wrist of her
left fOet."
CArolllSc Co1D.-Some people take cold
easily. Howard Paul, in his amusing
'.Patchwork" tells OF delicate young man
who kissed .'lady's snowy brow" and was
laid up with the influenza week in conse:
9uence. ...
u A western paper, after noticing &
melancholy instance OF intoxcation-a man
trying to cross the street like bull-frog -
says: .sWe left him Illuminating upon the
principal of horizontal propulsion, with
corn,juice as motor"
~ "What is the meaning of back
biter!" asked reverend gentleman during
an examination of parochial school. This
was a puzzler. 1t went down the class till
it came to simple urchin, who said, 'Per'
haps it's a flea"
CY"Do you keep ma lis here" asked "a
sleepy looking lad, walking into the hard.
ware shop the other day. YES" replied
the gent!emanly proprietor eve keep al
kinds of rails. What kind will you have
sir, and how many 2" "Well," said the boy
siding towards the door, E'l'll take a
pound of fnger-nails, and pound and a
half of oe-nails."
wA Quaker lately popped the question
to a fair Quakeress thus:
spirit urgeth and moveth me wonderfully
to beseech thee to cleave unto me, flesh OF
my flesh, and bone of my bone?' "Hum
truly, truly, Obediah, thou hast wisely
said, and inasmuch as it is not good to be
alone, will sojourn with thee"
@sMy gracious,'' said Ike Partingtoo;
s'if some fairy would give me wings would
not go round among the planets though
I'd 90 to Mars and Venus and juniper, and
all the rest of Them" "And Satan," said
Mrs, Partington. striking in, ''and l am
afraid you'll 90 there, whether you get wings
or not" Ike whisted and turned the sub
iect to bunch of grapes the old lady had
laid away to ripen.
G%On the elge of a small river in the
county of Cavan, in Ireland, there is stone
with the following strange inscription, no
doubt intended for the Information o
strangers travelling that way: IN. B.
When this stone is out of sight it is not
safe to ford the river" But this is still
surpa sed by the surveyors of the KEN
roads, in England: This IS the bridle p"th to
z.Feyesrham if you can't read this you had
better keep the main road"
SrRoSe CoMpARlsoN.--A love sick swain
.desirous to indicate the extent and charac
ter of his love for the empress OF his heai
passionately exclaimed:
"Ah! Miss Brown, my affection for you il
AS strong as-as-as-ahem! as that pu''e
they gave US for dinner"
The young lady wss SATISFIED, as sne wa
boarding at the same house--the bargain wa
instantly struck, and the loving pair starte'
off in search of Squire.
CoNs,pERArE.-Ah halter in one Of our large
cities, presented clergyman with hat o
the finest quality.
aWhat is the value of this hat ?" he as
ked.
"Seven dollars and half"
s'That is high price"
sit is present, and [ never make poo
ones" -,
ssWoa't you make an exchange %
81 might" a
"Well, would not careto make one,
you agree" 49,,
ssWhat do you propose Z"
swell. this is too good and high priced
hat for me, and propose that you take
hack and give mo four dollar hat ant
three dollars and half in cash ~
This staggered the halter, but he agi eel
A KNov1Na "CouRr."-An anecdote
related of court held in village durin,
the past year, which we regard as one of th
uichost in its line, of any that has been re
corded. and give it to our readers as nearl
"a We can recollect it. The case on tri;
was for the sale Of liquor. The princip;
witness was singularly obtuse and thong
confesssng to having made purchase, coul
not for tho life of him tell what the articl
was. The most ingenious questioning coul
not bring it out. At last the attorney asl
cd him, "TIow did it taste9;' sI d'no !!
Here the "Oourt'' interposed, alleging tn:
to be on improper question, and inquired
the attorney why he put such an interrog'
tory. .Well, your Honor" replied the q
torney, II was unable to make the witne
tell wha. kind of liquor he bought ; but
thought if he would tell how it tasted, II
Court oould be able to determine for itsey!
the hit was too palpable.
@Acting rhymes is game at whit
much skill in humorous acting may be e
ercised, and much amusement created bo
for the actors and audience. The actors q
chosen, and they select word to wl'c n
the play in succession have to express
thyme IN dunno SnOWs Cof iuo'"uo
The word selected is Lane.
The first player comes in making M
absurd grimaces and contortions to sl'
that he Is in pain.
The second, rubbing his coat with y
: asif to remove stain.
Nv. sLe third going through the motions
Il if he were using plume.
The fourth vblking as if with eane.
The fifth Is Il carrying an umbrella a
walking through kpuddles of rain.
And the siyth coquetting before the gl
10 show tint lie is oain.
Theiufenuity of thu audience is cxcrted
discover DE name and various rhymes.
= ForfeitS may be exacted for imperfect
badly expressed rhymes.