The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1859-01-12
CPuBL1sHED BY REQUEST
BEN JOHNS0N's DESCRIPTION OF
WALTZ.

lighted up with smashin' big lamps, covered all
over with glass hangin's. The ladies' looked
as nice as little angels, their faces as white as
if they had dipped them ina flour barrel; such
red cheeksI hadn't seen in all Sleepy Hollow;
their arms all covered with gold bands, chains
and shiny beads; such lips you never see
they looked fscome kiss me" all over; their
eyes looked like diamonds their waists drawn
to the size of a pipe stem, and made to LOOK
like they were undergoing a regular cutting IN
two operation, by tyin' a strong string tight
around 'em ; and their bosoms-O, Lor, all
covered up in laces and muslins; then rose
again, like-O, I dom know what it was like,
e~xceptin' the breathin' of a snowy white goose
ehucked into a tight bag, with its breast just
OUT
After the gals and youngsters had walked
round fer a considerable spell, the music struck
up-and such musicl. 1t was a big horn and
a little horn-a big flute and a little fute-a
big fiddle and a little fddle-and such squeak
in, sq%uallin', bellowin', groanin', 1 never heard
before; it was like all the pigs, cats and frogs
in Christendom and concluded to sing togeth-
er. They called tia German Porker. 1 s'pose
it was made by some of them Cincinnati Ger
mans, in imitation of the squealin' at a pork
packery, and 1 guess it was a pretty good imi-
tation. =
So soon as the music struck up-such a
sighti The fellows caught the gals right
around the waist with one hand, and pulled
them right smack up in kissin' order, with the
gals bosoms agin their bosoms, and the gals
chins restin' on the fellers' shoulders. Atthis
the gals began to sorter jump and caper, like
they were agoin' to push them away; but the
fellers just caught hold of the other hand and
held it off, and began to jump and caper too,
just like the gals.
L swon upon a stack of Bibles, you never
seed such a sight There was some two dozen
gals held tight in the arms of them fellers-
they a rarin' and jumpin' and pushin,. them
backwards over the room Gas l thought tryin'
to get away from them,O and the fellers holdin'
on to 'em tighter; and they squeezed the gals
till at last / began to think the thing was bein'
carried too far for fun. 1 was a little green in
these matters; and sein' the gals tryin' harder
and heEdor to get away, as / thought, and the
fellers holdin' tighter and tighter, IL was-veTy-
natural that I should take the gals part. So
my dander kept a risin' higher and higher till
1 thought my biler would bust unless [ let out
some steam. I bounced into the middle of the
room. Thunder and lightnin'! every body
come here with shot-guns, six-shooters and
bowie-knives! J" bawled I at the top of my
voice; "for 1 will be shot if any dod-blasted,
long bearded fellers shall impose on gals that
way any where I am r' and was goin to pitch
into 'em promiscuously when my merchant
caught me by the arm, and said, "Stop, Ben"
Il ii UG CuSScu, Says l., l. l. Will See Guc Will
men folks imposed onl Look what them fell
lers are doin', and how hard the gals are rarin'
and pitchin' to get away from EN- Do you
s'pose [ can stand still as a mile post and see
gals suffer so? Look" says l, "there is a gal
almost broke down, ready to give up to that
'rangotang of a Teller! Yonder is another so
faint her head has fallen on the bosom of the
monster~ I tell you I was ashy ; I felt like I
could jump into them like a catamount into a
pig pen.
When I looked into my merchants face I
thought he would have busted. He laft, and
sq~uatted down and laft. "Why, Ben" says
he "that is nothing but the red war waltz they
are dancin', and them gals Amt trying to get
away from them fellers-they're only caperin'
to make the fellers hold EN- tighter, kase they
like it, The more the girls caper the tighter
they wish to be squeezed. AS to layin' their
T heads on the fellers' bosoms, that's very com
mon in this city. They expect to be married
some of these days, and they want to be ac-
customed to it, so they won't be a blushin' and
turnin' pale, when the parson tells the groom
to salute the bride There's nothin' like bein'
used to such things"
You may take my hat" says 1 to my mer-
f chant. 81 was tuck in that time" I tell you,
though, it was the first time 1 ever seed the
the Congo dance, but [ tell you this red war
: waltz knocks the hat crown out of everything
l ever seed
After. I had got out of the way and every
: thing commenced goin' on again, the music
/ went faster and faster-oh, it was as fast and
furious as a northwestern The gals rared
again, the fellers Rugged tighter, and the music
makers pulled out a BLOWN. Then the gals
and fellers spun round like so many tops run
mad. The fellers leaned back and the gals
leaned to ,em; the girls fine frocks sailed out
D and popped into the air like on a windy day
r the fellers o~eat-tails stood out so straight that
an egg would not have rolled off; their faces
r were as fixed and serious as a sarment.-
? Around they went; itmakes me dizzy to think
of it. Pop went the coat-tails, crash went the
music, and pity patty, rump dumple de thump
went the feet of all. BY and by, as beautiful
a craft as ever you seed in the shape of a wo.
e man, layin' close up to a long beanpole lookin'
: Teller, came sailin' at the rate of ten miles an
hour down our way, whilst a fat, dumpy woman,
and a hump shouldered, beef eaten sort of a
feliet, at the same speed went up the other.
seed there was to be sum b%umpin', and natu.
, rally trembled for the consequences. Sure
enough-ka-whollop they came together, and
, slap-dash the whole of EN- fell fiat right in the
!, middle of the room, ~carryin' along with ZEN
= every thing standin' near.
= Such a mixin' up of things as then occurred
haint occurred before or since old father Noah
unloaded his great ark. There was legs and
= arms, white kids and parnelles, patent leather
and satin CATERS, shoe strings and carriers, neck
ribbons and guard chains, false curls anG
whiskers, wimmen's bustles and pocket hand
kerchiefs-aIl in a pile-the gals kickin' and
S squealin', and the felcrs gruntin' and apology
, sin.
"Oh Lor.y," says for 1 was considerably
: frustrated at the sight-"stop that music, blow
out the lights, or all hands shut their eyes un
til the wimmen folks get unmixed." At this
. such a laugh you never heard.
u "Why, Col. Johnson" says my merchant
: "that is nothin'. 1t frequently happens, ane
|" is one of the advantages of the red war waltz
If the gals amt learnt how to mix with the
e world how can they ever get along?"
81 would rather have 'em ALA little mixed,
says I "but that is too much of a good thing
However, let us leave, we've seed enough O
the Sorry in that nile inst now to satisfy mn