Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1859-06-08
THE INTELLIGENCER.
GLEAN1NGa.


COMPLIED FOR TIE WHEELING 1NTELLtGENcER
ONE of the miserics of human life-the be.
ing beaten in argument, and afterwards think
lug of some happy rctort or very appropriate
joke, which would have smashed your adversary
to smithcreens.
NAroLEoN seems to be enjoying himself at
Genoa. He has been twice to. the Tcatro. Carlo
Pelicc AN actress took his fancy on the last
visit, and she was presented ut his quarters next
day-merely to hear him speak his applause.
81 KNOW every rock on the coast" cried an
Irish pilot, when ship bumped, land that's
one of thum?"
A COUNTRY editor having received two gold
dollars in advance for his paper, says that he
allows his children to play with tho other chill
drcn as usual.
WOMAN, lovely woman, said Brown, what is
the world without woman! Yes, if there were
no woman in the world, we should all be mScr-
able! They are the primerGt cause of all happi-
ness! No doubt, put in that cynic Robinson, for
they the prime c0I themselves.
a ScorcuMAN is never at home but when he
is abroad.
AN Irshman is never at peace but when he is
at war.
"wELL, Patrick" asked the doctor, chow
do you feel tO-day?" "Och, doctor dear, en-
10y very poor health intircly. The rhumaticS
are very distrcsSin', indadc; when go to SlaPc,
I lay awake all night, and INC toes is swiIled up
as big as goose hens egg, so whln stand up
fall down Immediately"
FANNY FERN says she once had n narrow cS-
cape from being n minister's wife, and tells how
she would have acted in such case. An cX
change, i'll commenting on the matter, says that
if she had narrower escape than the minister,
then it was fearful to contemplate, indeed!
TnE Boston Sunday Dispatch says that it is
tbn lA:ii
tho mouStacle."
We believe they can do it without difficulty,
for every handsome woman can, when she pleas
es have moustache TO her lips.
Mn. JouN JACK, Kentucky editor, says that
one day his gal slapped him in the face, aver
ring, by way Of apology, that she was fond of
slanjacks.
WuY is the mischcvieus boy who attaches
tin lantern to the candle aPpcndaSe Of hls dog,
like the poets hero? Because he
"Points a moral, and adorns ttu"
IToPE springs eternal in the human brcast.-P0pe.
But where does she winter, old fellow?
WnAT is the difference between truth and
"Truth crushed to earth will rise again."
but eggs Won't.
PoErnY is like clarct.-to be enjoyed only
when very new or very ODD u. P.'S Wis
dom.
Clarct is like poetry. 1t will do when you
can get nothing bcttcr.-L0wisU1tc Jonr"GL
''MornER send me for the doctor" "Why so
my son?" "'Causc that man i'll the parIor is
going to lie-he said lie would if sister Jane
would not marry him-and Jane said she
wouldn't"
ARcuDEAcoS FISHER, having preached an old
sermon once, when he was not aware that Con-
stable had heard it before, asked him how he
liked it. 'Very we'll indeed, Fisher" replied
~. kGJ III Il th0t
WHEN Charles Lamb visited Latchfield Ca
thc,lral, his guide told him that three men once
dinc,l upon the top OF the Steeple. "Thcy must
have been very sharp set" said Lamb.
a WESTERN editor thinks Hiram Powers, the
sculptor, is swndlcr, because he chiSelIe1
an unfortunate Greek girl out Of a block Of
marble.
Moses, seeing a chap hoeing and another
moving, in the same field, remarked that their
occupations were decidedly Aoeaao'0 gcncous.
TuE Bcecher Stowe ladies of Boston
raising subscription for the purpose Of pur-
chasing the liberty of Powers Greek Slave.
WuEx woman arrays herself Il 1r BIoomcr,
it may be said that she pants for notoFicty..
DOMESTIC ECONOMY.
Said Simpson to his wife day,
''Wc'vc nothing left to cat:
If things so on in this queer way,
We sha'n't make G0M ends meet."
The dame replied, in words discreet,
''We're not so badly fed;
If we can make but one end meat,
And make the other 6Tcud !"
WHAT mas BEEN.
have heard him, have heard him,
Speaking words of deepest love;
Swearing to be true forever,
By the moon that Shone above!
But while life rcmaincth, never,
Though thousand suitors knclt,
Can trust as l have trusted,
Can feel as have felt!
GREAT DEEDS IN LITTLE LrvEs.-BY W. MAHsToN.
There are homcstcads which have witnessed
That hattIe.felds. with all their hammered pomr,