The Evansville daily journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ia. [i.e. Ind.]) 1848-1862, 1859-03-15
cad and Alive.
-and what was that death !?

( my couch; tears fell like rain upon my face,
lips pressed mine with passionate kisses
Surely was dreaming. And yet for hours
] had been striving to shake off the spell of
that horrible vision-for vision it was. For
hours, had struggled with the strange tor
por that was upon me, the torpor that be-
numbed my limbs, chilled my blood, and
stagnated my pulses. For hours l had
heard that desolate sound of sobbing, felt
the tears dropping ON my forehead, the pres
sure of caressing lips against my own. |
had heard my mothers voice calling my
name in tones of agonizing entreaty, and
tried in vain to answer her. My father had
lifted me in his arms pressed my face against
his bearded cheek, chafed my cold hands,
called me by all the pet names | had ever
known, and when | gave him no response,
he laid me back upon my pillow, and kneel-
ing beside the bed, sobbed and trembled
with the strength of his grief. My little sis
ters had stood, in tiptoe by my side, smooth
ed back the hair from my forehead pityingly
with their dimpled fingers, hushed the glad
music of their childish voices into silence,
and lisped that terrible word whose mean
ing had always been mystery to them
death
Death What had death to do with me?
Was not l alive? Could the dead hear ?
could the dead feel could the dead
think? How slowly dawned the fearful
truth upon my mind! How long, how
fiercely, how resolutely | combatted the
cruel reality ofmy situation How eagerly
| tried to convince myself that was indeed
dreaming all the while; that should awaken
from that disturbed slumber; that should
remember the sobbing, the tears the wild
words as only the bitter ingredients of
troubled vision! How lingering hope gave
way to fear, and fear lapsed into the dead
calmness of despairing certainty! knew it
all Mt last.
1t was the second morning of May.
had been out the whole day before, with my
mates, gathering flowers. All the dewy
morning, the quiet forenoon, and the long
golden afternoon, we wasted wandering in
the cold, shadowy old wood, winding our
| hats with festoons of evergreens, and crowd
ing our hands with the pink and white bios
SONS of the sweet arbutus. | was very,
very weary when | reached home at twi-
| light, too weary even to taste the tempting
supper which waited for me so tossing my
| flowers idly upon the table, | went up to my
room, and throwing aside my hat and shawl
| licious repose had anticipated did not come
to me- My WEAKNESS increased rather than
1 diminished. | seemed as-if belt of iron
| girdled my head--as if hand of ice was
pressing coldly against my heart. did not
attempt to account for the unnatural sensa-
| tions had experienced, attributing them all
to my excessive fatigue, and supposing they
would of course pass away with that Ly-
/ | tpl MT nf
stupor that seemed like the approach of
sleep, and yet was not sleep; a feeling of
| numbness, of languor, of oppressive drowsi-
ness, and then followed Inconsistencies.
| When ] awoke, it was to hear every
member of the collected household lament
| ing me rs one dead tried to answer
them, to force my rigid lips into speech. to
! open my shut eyes, or move my heavy arms
but in vain. My will had no control over
my body. felt that girdle of iron still
about my head-that hand of ice still
crushing my heart; and every effort made
to release myself from the spell but tighten
| ed their death-like pressure | thought
was in nightmare; but no nightmare ever
lasted like that. | could give no solution
to the mystery of my utter feebleness.
had read often of persons lying for weeks
in frances that had every appearance OF
| DEATH of men and women buried alive; and
| finally the awful thought forced itself home
| upon my mind was to be the victim
of Il like fate |, like them, was doomed
to have the sunlight the blessed air, the
sights and sounds of life shut out from me
forever, before my time l. too, was to suf-
| focate in living tOmb-to revive, perhaps,
at the last moment, only to strangle and
writhe, and die III my narrow coffin home.
! The white shroud-plaits would be folded
across my bosom while living heart vas
| heating underneath. The coffin lid would
be fastened down above my face, the green
| sOds piled upon my breast, while death ling
cred, a truant on his way,t to torture me The
thought was anguish most maddening, ter
ror most awful, agony the most unendur-
able.
The family physician came, and laid his
hand professionally upon my heart. How
bitter were my feelings towards him when
he turned away and assured my weeping
friends, i'll his cool. methodical, business
tones as if it were the commonest matter
in the world, that there was no life remain
ing. oh, the sufterings of that moment
Passionately | strove to gasp, to stir, to un-
close my eyes, to speak even in the iaintcst
whisper No motion, not so much as the
trenlor of an eyelid-no sound, not even an
audible breath, rewarded my eager efforts.
The May wind, fresh and cool from the
meadow lands, came in and drifted mock
iugiy across my face. ! could hear the
crimson-br2aSted robins calling 10 each 9TH
er from the budding hawthorn knew
when the sunlight came and crept over
my chamber floor till it slantcd in Il golden
line across my forehead. And til. Kind
hands closed the blinds and drew The c:lr-
tains closely over the windows Tie
room was hushed aud darkened. and
was left alone alone With my dead and iv-
ing self.
Hours went by while lay there; hours
that seemed concentrated into SO many sec
onds, so precious had time grown to me-
Every moment carried nie nearer nv living
sepuchre, further from tAe faint possibility
of resuscitation. The family clock struck
the passing hours; every stroke was like a
knel to me. Ten, eleven, twelve, one, two
and then another sound broke the awful
stiffness of my chamber. God of heaven,
the village bell was tollingl Intuitively
knew what it had to tell. | tried to think
of something else, to shut from my hearing
the horrid sound. As we'll might | have
hidden an angel TO my rescue With an ex-