Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1859-05-14
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
Artemus Ward Sees Piocoiomini.

Artemus Ward Sees Piocolomini.
GENTz.-I arroyed in Cleveland on Sat
urday p. NJ. from Baldinsville jest in time
to fix myself up and put on clean billed
rag to attend Miss PckIehomony's CRATE
musical sorry at the MelOdeon. The krowds
which pored into the hall augured we'll for
the show bisnis & with cheerful sperrets l
jincd the enthusiastic throng. l asked
Mr.. Strakhosh at the door if he parst the
perfession, and he sed not much he didn't,
whereupon | bawt preserved seat in the
pit, e. observing TO Mr.. Strakhosh that he
needn't Put on so many French airs hecawz
he run with big show, and that he'd bet
ter let his weskut ont few inches or pre-
haps he d bust hisself some fine day, | went
in and squatted down. 1t was a sad thawt
to think that in all that varst auiience
scarcely Sole had the honor Of my ac-
daaintance & this ere sed bitturly, lis
Fame What signerfy my wax 6ggers
and livin wild beasts (Which hev no ekalS)
to these people What do they care be-
cawz "a site of my Kangaroo is worth dab
bic the price of admission, and that my
Snakes is as harmlis as q new born babe
all this is Strckly troo-? Shood hav
gone ON ralein at Fortin and things sum
more but just then Signer Maccarony cum
ont and snng hairey from sum opry or
other He had on his store close & looked
putty slick, | must say. Nobody didn't
understand uothin ahowt what he sed and
so they applawdid him versiferusly. Then
Signer Drignoly cum out & sung another
haiery He appeared to be in a Pensive
Mood g. sung Lnv song spose, tho he
may have been cussin the aujience all into q
hecp for aut knowd Then cum Mr.. Mac.
curony agin & Miss Pickehomony herself
They sang Doit together
Now yu know, gentz, that don't admire
opry music But like Miss Pickehomo.
nys stile like her gate. She snits me-
There has bin CRATER singers and there has
bin more boot ful wimin, but no more fassi-
uatin yonng female ever longed for new
gown, or side to place her he'd agin vest
pattern than Maria Pickeh0mony Fas-
Sinatin peple is her best holt. She was
born to make hash out Of mems buzzomS e.
other wimmiu mad becawz they amt Pick
lehominies. Her face sparkles with amnzn
cussedueSs & about 200 1.-TWO hundred) lit
tie bits Of funny devils air continually dan
Gin champion jigs in her eyes, said eyes bein
brite enuff to lite pipe by. How shood
like to hav Little Maria out on my farm in
Baldinsvile, Injanny WHARF she Good run
in tall grass, wrastle with the boys, cut up
strong at parn bees, make up faces behind
the ministers back, tie auction bills to the
skoolmaster's coat-tales, set all the fellers
crazy after her, & holler, & kick up, and
90 it Jest as much as she wanted to
But l diegres. Every time she cum can
term out l grew more and more delited
with her. When she bowed her he'd l bow
ed mine. When she powtid her lips pow
lid mine. When she larled / larfed, When
she ierked her he'd back and took q larfn
survey of the aujience, sendin broadside
of sassy smiles in among 'em, | tried to
unint myself & kollapse. When, in tellin
how she drempt she lived in Marble Halls,
she sed it tickled her more than all the rest
to dream she loved her feller all the same,
| made an effort to swaler myself but
when, in the next song, she looked strNte
at me & called me her Dear, / wildly told
the man next to me that he mite have my
close, as should never want 'em agin nc
more in this world. The Plain Dealer
containin this communication is not to be
sent to my farmerly in Baldinsville under
no circumstances whatsomever
In conslushun, Maria, want you to DO
well. know you air nice girl at hart &
yu must git good husband. He must be
q man of branes and gumpshun q good
proyiler-a man who will luv yu strong
and long--s man who will luv yu jist al
much in your old age, when your voice i!
kracked like an old tea-kittle & you can
/ Git 1 of your notes discounted at so pc
sent month, as he will now, when you ar
Young & charmin & full of music, sunshin,
& fun. Don't marry snob Maria. VI
aint Angel, Maria, & Pm glad of it,
When | see angels in pettyeoats I'm alway
sorry they hav no wings SO they kin quietl.
I Fly off where they will be appreshated
Yu air woman l. a nifty good one TOO
AS for Maccarony, Brignoly, Mnllenholle
and them other fellers, they can take car
of themselves. Old Mack kin make cou
Portable livin chopin cord wood if his voic
ever gives out, & Amodio looks as tho b
mite succeed in cohductin some quiet to
gate; WHARF the gittles would be plenty
the labor lite.
am pFeparin for the Summer Campan'
shall stay in Cleveland 3 ts8 days . prot