Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1859-06-18
Wgg AND 3T@0as

We often hear of widow mending her
condition by repairing.
WHY'S fool in high sts,ion llse a
man in a balloon because every body
appears liule TO him, and he appears liule
to everybody.
How does stove feel when full Of
Goals Grateful.
Il am thy fathers spirit" as the bottle
said TO the liIde boy when he found It
hidden in the wood-pIle, and wondered
wha, it was.
Lightning never strikes but once in the
same place-therefore, lei man whore
frs, wife was a good one, never marry
again.
A fellow in Kentucky. with railway
imagination, wants 10 know how long u
VII be before they open the Equ'roc''al
Line.
Poor paymasters should learn wisdom
from the mosquito, who always settles
his bill the moment he finds you.
The person who 'stole march, has
been Put in the same cell with "Proe'as-
linarlon, the thief of Time
Gentlemen who smoke aIlege that II
makes them calm and con placenL They
tell us that the more they Jume the less
they fret
A smart boy wrote over the door ol the
village school-house, "ihe whaling in'u.
lution."
John says that it is bad meddlng with
Train Of gunpowder bot II you want 10
be blown into dead cer,sinly, just tread
on ady's crnoline as ypu are getting
into an omnibus. He las tried II and
Knows.
IL do wish could be cured Of lying
in bed so late in the morning. said la.
~ husband, turning round upon his pill.
low. "Wel, will Try the water cure
said his vile, pouring aiumb!eriul over
him.
Il haven't taken a drop OF fermenied
LIQUOR for year" said a man OF question
able yerscily. Indeed but which OF
your features are we 10 believe, your lips
or your nose 2
A cockney, on seeing the bust Of Wal.
lei The clown, exclaimed, "Well de-
clare he's ofen made me st TO bust.and
now he's busted himself p
Say, Sambo, where did do Mexicans
suffer dc most l'-"Wby in de feet (de-
feat 10 be sure.) What you ask such ell.
Ily questions for, Peter ~
A writer in one Of our local papers
speaks of a friend Of his that has always
been accustomed 10 The pen. Is tho
friend an author or goose
There is a man in Louisville so know
ing that the men who dont know their
own minds come TO him for information
on the subject.
II your wife goes into an bystsrieal ht.
and you can cure her in no other way, 60
into one yourself {; We think IL ajusiiia-
bic countervf.
! A CRINoLISE CoNcLUsIoN.-A Jspsneso
nobleman, upon being shown plate IN
The London and Paris Magazine Of Fash
ion, wa, much startled, and exclaimed.
"How very Fat your women are y
"Well, Mr.. Tree, if you're about to
ledUe shall retain your trunk !" exclsim-
ed an incensed landlsdy 10 her lodger.
who was slightly in arrears.
Lawyers have grown so very genieel,
they have altered their very name and ve-
ry nature. Once upon time they used
10 be called sltorneys-now, Gorsooth they
are solicitors; formerly they were styled
lawyers, but now nothing but bsTrjsisrs
will do and nice bsnnistPrs they are for
lellsr TO lean upon that's going down
stairs 10 the deuce. Sam Slick.
A country paper once said Z. B.
| Doolltle is in the habit Of stealing pigs
and robbing hen.roosis. II he does not
desis,. we shall publish his nsme." This
is equal 10 the minister at csmp-meeipg
who said, "lf the lady with blue hat.
red bsir, and cross.eyes, doesn't stop talk.
ing, she will be pointed ou, 10 The con-
gregslion."
A married monster says that he lately
dreamed that he had an angel by bis eide.
and upon waking up, found il was nobo.
dy but his ioolhless, snpff.tsking vile.
"There now" cried liiae niece. while
rumsgipg a drawer in q bureau; .'ihere
nov, grandpa has gone 10 heaven without
his speeiacles. What yiH he DO 7"
SOMETHING WoRTH Ksowsso.--One
day Issi week. while purchasing . lot Of
dried fruit. we discovered email pieces OF
sassafrss bark mixed amongst IL and upon