The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1859-05-18

IHE MARRIAGE FEE-The late doctor Boynton was
once cispuiing with farmer about the with
which y minister earned money.
Nov, aald he farmer, when you are called on
g marry couple you never expect less sum than
thee dollars. and you sometimes get ten dollars
Tins For lGw minutes service I"
Pooh replied the doctor, 81 would agree to give
You half w ny next marriage fee fer bushel Of Pc
tat1ss.
"Very w,I said the farmer, "IHI take your offer
and seud llsa potatoes"
"A faw aays afterwards the doctor was called on
p splice loving couple az Dogtown, place about
four miles l.1u where he lived. When the ceremo
uy waa over The bridegroom said ID the very worthy
minister
..Wol, parson, | s'pose \ must fork over some
thing for your trouble. What say you taking one
of my terrier pups2 The test breed / tell You, in
the country. Shocking nite to have in the barn.
Worth full FIVE dollars-And I s'pose figure 2
would do for the splice, eh1'
The doctor took the pup with joy The joke was
too good he fastened to the farmer, saying:
Now, friend, here is my fee--how shall we d.
vide liz"
The farmer relished the Joke 50 well that he in
creased the potatoes to half d dozen bushels
clergyman observing poor man by the road
breaking stones with pickaxe, aud kneeling to get
at his work better, made the remark, All John,
wish could break the stony hearts Of rny hearers
easily as you are breaking those stones" The man
replied, Perhaps master you do not work on your
knees"
1t is scarcely necessary say that the following is
from Prentice, Of the Louisville Journal: The Wash
ington Union says the gates of hell cannot prevail
against the democratic partYt Certainly not, the
contrary, the gates will readily give way and let the
whole concern in.
The editor Of a well knowiE magazine wears long
goatee. A wag noticing hip habit of handling it
while writing, suggested th%t lie was milking his
brains,
If ever you get "stuck" with smooth Spanish
quarters, the best place to ggt rid Of them TWEEN
ty fvecents apiece, is in church when the contribu
ton box is going round.
The chief secret of comf4rt lies in not suffering
triies to one and in pr3dently cultvatiug an
underground Of small peaAures, since very few
large ones are let on long leahes
The Mobile Mercury observes very truly, that it
will be quite appropos or the democratic party to-
boast Of its ability to "sayeE the country, when i'll
exhibits its ability to "save" itself
Dr.. Franklin said, "when see a house well supI
piled with newspapers, there | see Intelligent aud
wei informed children; but it there books or
papers, the children ignotant if not prohigae."
Mr.. Il. declared that his Ewife had Ave fulls-I
"That she was beautiful, dGtiful, youthful, penti
full, and an armful" But mis- wife pleasantly rel
Joined, that she had but one lfool-her husband
A doctor went to bleed dandy, who languidlyl
exclaimed: 90, doctor you're great butcher" TO
which the doctor rejoined:
80, yes; I'm used to sticlling calves"
Jealousy is the poison Of l'Iye's banquet-a deadly
sauce which the victim PLACES in his favOrite dish
for his own use.
If you want enemies, excel others; if you want
friends, let them excel yoF-or at least let thenI
think so.
What an Ideal-Fanny Fern says, Verify lake
editors and ministers out Of The world, and it would
collapse like a weak old muttinl"
Adversely e never read of any saint in heaven,
who did not have to endure sorrow and much suffer
ing in this life.
Man is related to the beasts by his body, and if
he be not related God by his spirit then he Is an
ignoble creature.
Sentimental youth.-'My dear girl, will you share
my lot for life2"
Practical Gal-"How maIty acres is your LOTT"
"Why does father call mother houey?" asked a
boy Of his elder brother. GIANT tell, cept it's bel
cause she has large comb in erhead.
Never abuse one who was once your bosom friend,
however bitter now.
negro, being asked if his master was christi
an, replied, mo, sir, he's member Of congress"
My books speak to my lanG my friend to myI
heart heaven to my soul, and all the rest to my ears
The dog in the kennel banks at his heas the dog
that hunts does not feel them.
The day on which idle men work and fools reform
is tomorrow
One day is worth three to him who does every
thing in order.
Great minds have purposes; others have only
wishes.
Who is the greatest liar2 He who talks most of
himself.
A man is a brute to be jealous Of worthless one
but double fool to cut his throat for either Of them
Noman is SO insignifcanf as to be sure his exam
pie can do no hurt
We can do without the world, but we need friend