Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-04-01
WIT AND IHUMOR.

"
"Can you return my love, dearest Julia p
Most, certainly, sir? don't want it m
sure"
seA. What is the difference between
good soldier and fashionable lady? One
faces the powder, and the other powders
the face.
dF"My lad" said a lady to small boy
carrying an empty mail bag care you a
mail boy?'
''You don't think Use female boy, doz
you, ma'am?"
GV"We wont indulge in such horrid an
ticipations,' as the hen-pecked husband
said, when the parson told him he would be
Joined to his wife in another world, never
to separate.
90 1t may be said generally of husbands,
as the woman said of hers who had abused
her, to an old maid who had reproached
her for marrying him. "To be sure he's
not so good husband as he might be, but
he is powerful sight better than none"
So Once on a time, an Irishman and
negro were fighting, and while graphing
with each other, the Irishman exclaimed !:
"You divil of black magyar, cry enough
Phi fight till die /" 'sSo'll I, boss" sung
out the darkey, 81 always does"
DER1vATloN.-The word Yankee, says the
Ledger historian of the sColony of New
Plymouth,o comes from gan, which means
eye, and kee, which means tooth, in the
Massachusetts vernacular. The colonists
drove sharp bargains-had their eye-teeth
cut-hence the Indians called them YAM kee.
w An absent-minded editor, having
courted girl and applied to her father, the
old man said "Well, you want my daugh-
ter,-what kind of settlement will you
make! What will you give her? "Give
herr" replied the editor, looking up vacant
ly. "Oh, will give her puff" "Take
her,' replied the old man.
~ We once heard two boys Boosting of
what their fathers had. "Well," said one,
we are going to have-we're going to have
a cupola on our house!' "Pshaw," said the
other, "I don't care cent for that; that's
nothing; heard pa tell ma, at brea kfast-ta
BILE this morning, that we were going to
haze a mortgage on our house. Bin. Eng.
EBAn absent minded Judge out West
married Joe Bowers and Nancy Harkins,
and concluded the ceremony thus: est now
remains for this h-h-here Geo TT to pro-
nounce you Joe Bowers, and y-you Nancy
Harkins, man and wife a: and-(here the
Judge paused to wipe the perspiration from
his face,) m-may Good or nifty h-h-have
mercy on y-y-your s-s"s-s-souls! Sheriff,
remove the culprits.'
SHARp.-Are you a skillful mechanic ?"
eyes, SIR"
"What can you make"
ooh almost anything in my line"
"Can you make devil 2"
"Certainly-just put up your foot and
will split it in three seconds. I never saw
a chap in my life that required less altera-
ton"
who taught a parrot to repeat only these
words:
sWhat doubt is there of that?"
He carried it to the market for sale, fix
ing the price at 100 rupees.
A Mogul asked the parrot fare you
worth 100 rupees ?"
The parrot answered, "what doubt is
there Of that 2"
The Mogul was delighted, and borght the
bird. He soon found out that this was all
it could say. Ashamed now for his bargain
he said to himself: II was fool to buy
this bird" The parrot replied as usual !;
"What doubt is there of that 2"
PATHOLOGICAL ANEcDorE.-The Collage
Record, print published by the students
of the Western Reserve College, illustrates
the comparative hexibility of the Latin and
English languages:
"GOu will observe from the wov - con
tinued the Professor, '1he great hexibilty
of TIE Latin language. sPater' is a father,
and here we have sPa,runs,' an uncle on the
fathers side, and 'Propatruns' means grear
uncle on the fathers side. Can you make
any such change in our language Pater,
Patruns, PropatrunS-tather- is there any
way you can change father into uncle in
English ?"
IL don't think of any," replied the hope
tul yonng philologist, ''unlsss you can get
him to marry J ur aunt"
SUIT LovENGooD AND THE LoCoMoTIvE.-
The first locomotive Sut ever saw was stan
ding with steam up, and nearly ready to go,
making no noise save supp, essed humming
from the safety valves. SUIT had, in his
Skeerv, cautious way, cambared TO the top
OF the tender to find out ''what sort of beast
it was, when the engineer slyly gave the
whistle lever long pull-shay-y-y Sut lit
some twenty feet distant on pile Of cord
wood, and after running till he got
Strengthened up, he turned round his eyes
and said:
"What in the deuce did yon do to it, mis-
ter ?"
Just at this moment negro came trun-
ding truck, with cooking stove, a joint
of pipe on the 1ue hole, and pots and pans
hanging al around. SUIT took look at the
stove, then at the locomotive; a light broke
out over his perplexity, and he shouted out
to the engineer -
"Oh, yes, l understand it all now; the
darned brute was just nickerin' for her
colt !"