The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-09-10
50 90 A YEAR, IN ADVANCE.

GO" When is lover like taiior9 When
be presses his suit. ...
CT Advertisement BY a lady on the sha-
dy side of forty" Lost, a host Of charms.'
Ey- An earthquake is termed stall
specimen of ngue" in California.
Gy- All Gassy men are invariably light
! headed.
ev- A mental resnrv alton is that which
under-iies a statement. .s..-..-..r
cy \ drarghtsman must lead check
cred life.
G1- 4 broken engagement is always the
precursor of a cry-sis.
| CT In these degenerate days character
is weighed with :. cash balance" ,...
CT The sporting fraternity may be
termed @ fast friends" -.-
| CT al speak within bounds,' as tho
prisoner said when addressing the jury from
the dock.
CT A frequenter of public dinners com.
plains of the overwhelming quantity of dry
toast.
! eY-Who were the first astrologcrs The
stars, because they first Studded the -heav-
! ems.
| q The poor man who couldu't hoa ais
| own has been arrested for taking another's.
ey live by my pen, said n vulgar au-
thor to lady, You look, sir, as if you
ought to live in pen.''
fy7 1t may sound like paradox, yet
| the breaking Of an army's wings is d pretty
sure way to make7it fly. ....ya
r- By the use of eye glasses, you NAV
see as much as is to be seen, by the use Of
another kind Of glass, you may see twice
as much.
CY Ferocity is something assumed rs
we'll as gentleness. There are as many sheep
| in wolves clothing, as there are wolves in
| sheep's.
cP When a gentleman is seen often with
| young lady. his intentions are apt to be
! mis-. construed.
ga ''retiring dispestion'' is nppropri-
ate only to those who have money to fall
back upon.
cy" 1t is TO more than right that men
should seize Time by the forclock, for tho
rude old fellow, sooner or later, pull ali
their hair out.
CT individual contributions make up
the commonwealth. The governments fa-
vor. however, secures. IN common wealth.
fy Life is m auction where We hear lit
tie else than "going, going, gone lie does
not always get the best bargain who makes
that :. !, 4 hid - farpWall
Cy \ man in this city says he has not
exactly embraced spiritun,isn. but he has
embraced several of the mediums.
Ey 'That's the rock on which We split
said Charlie to his wife when she asked him
to rock the cradle.
CF At the Worcestershire sessions re-
Gently the jury returned the following ver-
dict. " Guilty, with some little doubt as to
wether Le is the man."
"AYhere shall put this paper so rs
to be sure Of finding it tomorrow? in
CURED Mary Jane of her brother Charles
L" On the looking glass;" was the prompt
reply.
O. Why is a young lady ike q biliet
exchange? Beeause she ought to be " set
tied " when she arrives at maturity.
ey~ a young lady in the interior thinks
Of going to California to get married, as shc
has been told that in that country the men
folks, Crooks the cradle"
fy- Pm afraid" said a lady to her
husband, " that am going to have a stiff
neck 6 Not at all improbable, my DEAR"
replied the husband, I" have seen strong
symptoms of it ever since we were married.
However unfruitfulin Gen. Dodge's
opinion they may be in other respects, all
accounts agree that this year, the" Barren
and sterile Hills Of the Praifie,' will pro-
duce f7st-rate crop of Republicans.
C i vnporing Cincinnatian at tn, Trc-
mont House, cxpatiatinS on the 'vine clad
hills" etc.. claimed that the Ohio was tho
/" Rhine of the New World"
eyes," calculated ", "she pofk-
Rhine. Chicago Press.
C1F The people of Salt Lake are dissatis-
fed at the change made in their male
rangcmcnts.-N. 10 Vest.
They have more reason to be dissatisfied
with the threatened change in their femal;
arrangements,
c. The New York Post says that Blon-
din's next feat at Niagara Falls is to b. tn,
most astonishing of all. lie will truudle n
wheelbarrow over the rope and eoiling it in
the barrow as he goes along Won't he
drink the river dry at the same time?
\ country paper, recording a COW
killed on a railway, said it was 8 cut int"
cllvcs.' An astonished naturalist waited
on the editor for what uuctunecrs call fur
ther information. and rccev dit n the fol-
l,wing form Erratum-For calves, read
halves"
81 Napoleon sent for Fouche one day
in a great rage, and told him he he was i.
fool, not fit to be at the head of the police,
was quite ignorant of what was passing"
"Pardon me, Sire" said Fouehe,
know that your majesty has my dismissal
already signed in your pocket"
Napoleon changed his mind, and kept his
minister.
cT We extract the following from let
ter by a missionary in Syria, on the all abs
sorbing subject of the crinoline: G. One day
an Arab from GhurZug called upon US, and
said that he had seen n great curiosity at
Beirut. Said he, The French and English
ladies there wear large umbrellas under
their dresses. am sure Of it. saw tho
frame work. And when the signoros pass
cd along. saw the merchants move away
their baskets aud boxes in the narrow streets
to let them pass.''
cE~ If you are courting pretty girl in
parlnr, and chance to be suddenly inter
ruptpd. while whispering soft, low words in
her ear. by her mother or brother coming
! unay part cd " int "a the rOom-a circumstance
productive Of great embarrassment and awk-
wardness-it is a good idea to commence
instantly talking very loud and fast about
the weather, California news, etc., or else
to catch up newspaper, which you can
have conveniently by you, and go to reading
it with all your might, AS if you had done
nothing else for the last halfhour. Try the
experiment ; we now it works to charm.
Gy"" The following characteristic anec-
dote of Aaron Barr " ties friendly cor-
rcsponds mt, SIS good enough, think, to
have found place in Mr.. Parton's memoir.