The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-07-30
"a GREAT NAME FOR A GREAT MAN.

II! protect you while here in Republican land
Bat "6eyo1d the great SEQ. yOu'rsss dssposs' CON-
After this, Mr. cass sure all men must agree
that your name should Be soundsd"beyond the great
When 10 wall like fish? When it is
scaled.
Famine PRovERB.--Lovs me, love my
-cr,noline!
The lady who knit her brow has COM
menced pair Of socks.
Why is the letter U the gayest Of the
slpbabet9 Because it il always in fun.
Who were the first astrologers? The
stars, because they 6rst studded the heave ems.
Tho poor fellow who couldn't hold his
own, ha been arrested for taking anosher's.
--'I live BY my pen,' said vulgar author
to alady-"You look, sir, as if you ought to
live in PEN"
Il. may sound like a paradox, yet the
breaking of an arny's wings is pretty sure
way to make it fly.
-"Where shall put this paper 80 as to
DO sure Of seeing it tomorrow !" inquired
Mary Jane Of her brother Charles. son
she looking glass;" was the prompt reply.
A farmer up at Appleton, Wis, writes
that he has field of wheat which can beat
Morphy blind on chess.
1t is with life as it is with coffee be
who would drink it pure must not drain it
to the dregs.
A darkey's instructions for putting on
a coat, were-"Fust de right arm, den de
lef, and den glib one general convusiou!!"
Why is young lady like bill of ex-
change? Because she ought to be "settled"
when she arrives at maturity.
A young lady in the interior thinks of
going to California to get married, as she
has been told that in that country the men
folks, crooks the CRADLE"
We observe in q St. Paul paper notice
of the marriage Of Mr.. "Henry j. Sander"
We respectfully suggest to him and his
bride that they name their FIRST boy Gerry
and their first girl Sally.-Louisrille Jour-
nal.
The greatest instance Of impudence on
record, is that of Yankee, who, in an
Italian city, stopped a religious procession
in order to light his cigar from one Of the
holy candles.
Taylor says courtships are the sweet
and dreamy thresholds Of unseen Edens,
where half the world has passed in couples,
and talked in whispers under the moonlight,
and passed on, ana never returned.
Prentice thinks Indy Of his acquaiut.
anse who had three children At birth, an
nrerbeGring Wo nan, and her husband is thus
entitled to divorce.
1t is stated By some wseacre, that the
heart Of q man weighs about nine ounces,
that Of woman about eight. As age in
creases a mans heart grows heavier and
woman's lighter-some girls lose theirs at
sixteen.
There's great difference between honor
and honesty; the former, it is said, exists
among thieves, the latter certainly does not.
According to the Milwaukee Neus, they
have new military company in Chicago
They drill SIX times n week, and have now
got so that they can form straight line
by leaning against fence.
"A bachelor friend of ours has left
boarding house, in which we're number of
old maids, on account Of the "miserable fair
set before him at the table,
wv
training and education that to get married
rather than to be married is the chief object
Of their early years.
A country exchange, in noticing the
Death of an estlmable lady, and the regret
felt by her acquaintance, says of the be-
reayed husband-"ller surviving companion
fully shares in the common feeling"
How comes it that people who write
"prizo oies" are never heard Of afterwards?
Who will answer?
We insert the above for two reasons-lst
because it is pertinent; and ID, because il is
impairment.
80 Oh, doar,' exclaimed Henrietta,
throwing herself into a rocking chair, 81
never will 90 to that post Office again to be
looked out of countenancc by all those men
on the corner. It's SO provoking. What
can do, Sarah Jane, to those awful men
staring me so in the face" ''Do as do"
replied Sarah Jane, with sly look, "shou
your ankle :"
Mrs. Hubs always has full house.
Two years ego she used to collect lobster
backs, oyster shells, and steak bones, and
throw Thorn in front of her door, and adver-
tise for daily bonrders. The bait ALWAYS
took, and the old lady now INDUCES in
three story domic!l, door plate and ease.
A Frazer river letter writer, speaking
Of the snmptuous fare IN that region, gives
the following bill of fare at the last New
Years Day dinner. First course, bean
soup; second, boiled beans third, baked
beans; entrees, fried beans; desert, coffee
and beans, After dinner they wound up by
playing poker for sack of beans!
An "exquisite" young gentleman, who
wished to make an impression upon bril-
liant young lady, with view to captivate
her, presented tho following high wrought
compliment
Madame, there are Just two things in
the world that love, which are oysters and
champagne; and l never see you without
thinking of them" 10 which the grateful
lady responded:
''Sir, there are just two things in the
world which HATE, which are Goldfish and
potatoes: and l never see you without
thinking of them" The crest Of that "kill-
isg' young man fell exceedingly.
rT Mr.. McKibbcn, NJ. c., made speech
in San Francisco, lately, in which he said
81 have been called a Frederick Republic
can, bu, care not for names. Lam in ia
vor of freedom in the Territories, and they
may call that Broderick Repubicanism or
Back Repub!icanlsn, as they choose
c. Prentice says that if Mr.. Bucanan re-
solves to submit his name to the Charleston
Convention, he will bring the same kind of
recommendation that a son of Erin once did.
Paddy, do you know how TO drive said
traveller to the " Phaton' Of a jaunting
car. "Sure do: wasn't it that upse,
your honor IN ditch two years age 2"
rY- Some of the women in Kansas are
signing petitions to the new Cousttutona
Convention, asking for equal political right:
with men, on the popular sovereignty prin
ciple. The men will find it easier to vote
against the petition than to answer its argu
ments,