The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1859-05-24
/ ii E DISPATCH.
TUESDAY MORNING. NAY .. ,s,o
snnriey Vow being n chapter n,
D0rs

good heart. We know not who,hor ,h;s
proposition is strictly true; indeed we
doubt it exceedingly. But the logicians
say 1t rs impossible to prove a negative
even IN the most favorable weather. aud we
shall therefore be excused for not underta.
king It, in this spltry day of May. Indeed,
1t answers our purpose better to admit II in
its full strength, for the sake of argument
Having secured our premises then, we
start off by asserting, without the fear of
contradiction, that our felow-citizens of
this goodly town, (or city if they stand
upon their dignity, are the best hearted
race this side of Constantinople unless we
except the denizeus of that small Mexican
village, the nocturnal revelry of whose
dogs so disturbed the slumbers of Mr.. Geo.
wilkins Kendall, of Santa Fe celebrity 1t
appears to us that every man, woman and
child of the community possesses dog.
They come, rs Young says troubles come,
mot single spies, bat in batallions." They
hunt in couples during the day; they pa
rsde in regiments under the ''pale glimpses
of the moon," and render night hideous
with their boisterous merriment. Let it not
be supposed, however, that they are dam
gerouS to man. A sovereign remedy, a
divine antidote has been discovered for the
wounds which their fangs infict 1t has
been found, that how much soever the bite
of colIaresS yet choleric dog may prove
| dangerous to the victim, there is no danger
from bite inflicted by dog who wears
collar.
In the olden time, when man was wound
ed, he was cured by amounting the blade of
| the weapon with certain sovereign specific,
| the name of which is unfortunately lost.
| But modern science has put this discovery
10 shame. 1t has contriyed TO curtail the
sharpness of dog's teeth, and neutralize
| the poison that may lurk in his saliva, by
putting collar round his neck. Let not
our readers be alarmed, therefore, should
| they find themselves, at some odd time, be-
sieged by a whole legion of dogs. provided
| only they wear the collar. THE little
dogs and alp who annoyed poo Lear so
much, would not have haunted the imagl-
| nation of that unfortunate monarch in his
| frenzy, had this great secret been known in
| his time. 1t was the vision of sharp teeth.
and lacerated calves, that disturbed his
equanimity. They were collarless dogs that
arose up before him in grim perspective.
| As becomes the members of q metropoli
tan community, our dogs have most aris-
tocratic bearing. Their sleek coats, and
knowing trot betoken high feeding and
knowledge Of the world. They are fortu
nate in all things, even in the deaths which
they die. A grand assize is held, at stated
periods, and sentence is passed upon those
who have transgressed the law. When
they are brought forth for execution, they
are not hung up by the neck until they are
dead, like plebeian ours, but beheaded, like
| British noblemen convicted of high treason
| There seems to be a great defect, neverthe-
| less, in the law. They are not tried BY
| their peers according to the privilege
secured TO citizens, by our glorious Consti.
tuition. Moreover, they are not allowed
| counsel, which is not exactly as it should
| be.
We have alluded to the sleek and thriving
appearance of our dog population in gene.
raj. There are ill-natured people in thi:
world-Or rather, we should say, hard
hearted peope-at any rate, people who
are not fond of dogs. These people, unfor.
| tunately, have tongues, and still more IN
| fortunately, they are prone to use them
1t occurred to some of these ill-natured
long-tongued people, during the past sea.
son, that their sausages had about them q
| flavor too delicate to be accounted for on
| the supposition that they were of swine's
flesh. They instituted an inquiry and
| they discovered that sundry of the CANNES
had disappeared in a mysterious way
| They began to feel queer about the s,om-
ach-pretty much as Cradoock did, when he
found he had been tapping the Admiral
| all the time be was congratulating himself
| upon the unctuous swallow of the whiskey
| he had been imbibing during a fortnight
they began TO feel decidedly sick If not
fancy free," as young swains say when
| they are hesitating about popping the
question, they grew at least Clancy sick, u
| and thought unutterable things and
felt uputterable pains. They thought o
| London, and Mr. Samuel Weller, and grew
| pale with terror. They could not suspect
any of our butchers of playing a 'tdog';
trick" upon them. No, no. Their charac.
| ter was too well established for that. Bu
every trade has its understrappers. Wood.
en- nutmegs have long been familiar to
grocers, and rat-offices are known even
among the printers. Might there not be,
they asked, outsiders among the butchers
| "May there not be, asked one gen .leman,
alludng TO a well known association oftories
during the revolution, 'c0aO-dops among the
butchers" We suggested that it would be
| more correct to style such fraternity as
| that whose existence was suggested "dog,
| boys" but We were unable to enlighten the
gentleman.
1t must be confessed that when the gen.
| tleman in question suggested these doubts,
| he was not in the best mood for weighing
evidence. Nero-the companion Of many
lonely hour-fad just disappeared. Why
he should have given the name of the most
gloomy of tyrants TO the most sociable OF
dogs it never struck US to inquire. Now,
that We have entered upon the subject, we
confess to no little curiosity upon that
head. Perhaps he had been reading Tristan
Shandy, and intended to refute, by living
example, the argument OF that great philoso-
pher, that the name decides the destiny OF
the individual, ,or, at least meant to show that
the axiom (if it is one) did not extend to
dogs. Perhaps he asked himself, with Ju-
liet, What's in name ?" Perhaps he
gave the name without thinking about the
matter at ALL At any rate, Nero the dog was
called ,and be was like any thing in the world,
more thanhis namesake. To say that Nero
had great qualities would be, perhaps, to take
an unwarrantable liberty with the truth
His social disposition was what chiefly. if
not altogether, eudeared hin, to his master:
He was the very emblem of good-natured
incidence. He was as fat as though he had
been reared upon turtle soup. If dogs have
corporations among themselves, Nero was
certainly an alderman among the dogs. II
dogs ever have the gout, Nero was certainly
a victim of that aristocratic malady:. lie
was a proud dog. He never admitted ours