Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1859-11-25
Tss COMPLAINT oF TIE NAN WIN the
6I6 Belly,

ntN RNAAAf
What on earth makes mans belly
grow three or four times as large as it
ought to be, and not any Of the rest OF
his body-for my part I can't see. Why
don't mans nose grow so? Why don't
the other animals grow 50 !? That's what
I'd Ike to know. Laugh and grow
fat say, grow fat and be laughed at.
The human form divine indeed Adam
wouldn't recognize me for a fellow man,
ic was introduced to him with these
hoops on. As some one said, ii seemed
rs though had stopped growing for
time, and when ! commenced again,
grew the wrong way. I've tried every
thing to stop it. I've drank green ale.
I've slept on my face. I've dieted. I've
tried buckles and straps; but who can
sleep on bis face. or 60 without his yicta-
ais, or be strapped up so tight he can't
whistle? Tn not respected on the street.
No longer ago than yesterday, going
along the street, an impudent school-boy
ran up by my side, kicked up his heels
and squealed like a pig,-then off before
me. pretended that took no notice
of it, but hang the young rascal, I'd got
my hands on him, I'd cuffed his impu-
dence out of him. A boy wouldn't any
more dared TO do that when I went to
school than he'd have struck a selectman
but you might as well try TO find lost
sleeve button as to ind a boy nowadays.
We don't have any boys. I'm open to
everybodys jokes, high and low. Every
time there's city election, hundred
or more tell me that should be made
an alderman. Billings calls me Mr.. o.
and then they all laugh. Day before yes
Iterday that confounded Tinkham COM
menced running me before the whole
board, telling them that an iIinerant mon
key jumped upon me in the street, think
ing my stomach was his masters hand
organ, and wanting to know how | got
into bed, and if they didn't roll me up on
skids could have clawed his eyes out,
but / had to laugh with the rest. That
man Jokes too much. I'll bet a supper
that more than five hundred have asked
me this last year " how much weigh"
! What business is il to them how much |
weigh? DO they want to buy me? And
then everybody asks me if I'm not come
: of the Dutch, if don't eat too much It
makes me so mad. Come Of Dutch,
when my names just the purest English
l ever spoken-W Waddle? I eat what /
= please, that's what eat can man
4 starve? Then some Of them want to
u know if | was always so; If / was fat
boy. When | was boy was as thin
as mans hand there wasn't boy
could jump farther or climb a tree quick
er, than I, within twenty miles. was
: thin enough then, but since I've swelled
i from the new to full moon. ! met one
D Of my old school-mates the other day be
knew me when l was lean enough, and
must speak Of it, and give me punch
with bis fist, and say was like the man
. in Shakspear,-I had achieved great
ness" would / were a boy again.
. I'd be as lean as a telegraph pole, and as
] tall, too, If / could get i'd Of this thorn in
= the flesh. I'm told to exercise, TO take
'r a run before breakfast. Run? / have
d not run a step for fifteen years. How
ID can I run Pit hale kills me 10 walk
d down hill I've slipped down on the ice
ie though, bot didn't get over it all winter
o. | don't enjoy riding either; suppOsing
g should be thrown from a wagon i
D. makes me quake to think Of it, what 9
il sight and mass / should be! O!Ol
y ia swap it off for a hump on the back, i
T. could i's bad enough to be hunch-back
u ed, but it's worse thing TO be hnnch
, bellied The future is dark 10 me ny
I" body casts a shadow over it all; gather
70 size Ike rolling SNOWFALL. But sui
i' yourself I'm independent Of you, anc
u If It's any satisfaction to you, why ther
T. grow, grow, grow w,-Spriaqtield Rep'J
~ hcqa.
nd
We
H. Tng WORLDS WgIoHT.-Mr Bal