The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-12-28


ion of her husband.
= A fop is like cinnamon trce--the
bark is worth more than the body.
There are but rounds in ihe ladder
of negro's ambition banjo, boss-bar-
ber, chicken stealing and a ,ohite Oye.
Mrs. Partington's last "There is
no telling how cold the weather would
get, if the phremonicon was longer"
1t should be remembered that
bare assertion is not necessarily the na.
ked truth.
- If girls now days did not become
women at thirteen, men would have bet
ter wives.
"A New York paper asserts that the
total costs to Mr.. Forrest in the divorce
case will amount to 100000.
Men cannot subsist wholly upon
glory: Fame, taken without meat, is de-
cidedly unwholesome.
-Ephraim says that young ladies
who refuse good offers of marriage are
too "No-ing by half"
- Sorrow comes soon enough without
dependency; it does man good to car
ry around lightning-rod to attract
trouble.
"A woman up in Dodge county, WIS.,,
named Cross, lately gave birth to an in
fant son which weighed only one pound.
That cross wasn't hard to bear.
- A notice of recent steamboat ex-
plosion ends as follows: " The captain
swan ashore. So did the chambermaid.
She was insured for $4,000 and loaded
with iron.
- AT christening, while the minister
was making tho certificate, he happened
to say, "let Inc sec, this is the 30th."-
" The thirtieth" exclaimed the indignant
mother, "indeed, it is only the eleventh" J"
- In Cleveland, a lady attired in
mans apparel, followed her husband to a
bagnio and after chatting with the "board-
ers" for time, surprised her unfaithtul
lord and led him home by the ear.
- When bank suspends in Austria
liza, they take the president to neighboring
tree, and suspend him. A simple remc-
dy, but we believe in its efficacy. Won
der how it would work in Michigan?
= The Spizzcrinctum debating club,
says western editor, will discuss the
question, "wkct,icr low ncclScd dresses,
or handsome ancles, are the most scduc-
tive articles" Muggins takes the mega
tive and the chair. Front seats reserved
for married ladies.
"A Connecticut editor, having got
into n controversy with a contemporary
congratulated himself that his head was
safe from "donkey's heels" His con-
temporary astutely inferred from this
that he was unable to make "both ends
meet"
I'll say, landlord, that's very dirty
towel for man to wipe on?" Landlord
with n look of amazement replied: "Wcll,
| swear, you're mighty particular. Sixty
or seventy of my boarders have wiped on
that towel this morning, and you are the
first to find fault"
A PuzzLE.-If four dogs with sixteen
legs, can catch twenty-nine rabbits,
with eighty-seyen legs, in forty-four min
utes, how many legs must the same rab-
bits have to get away from eight dogs,
with thirty-two legs, in seventeen min
utes and half?
ELoPEMENr.-Rushing young people
into society is reprehensible, but an en-
tire restraint from it is equally as wrong.
Recently, a girl of sixteen, of Crawford,
ILL.,, whose father had kept her from all
society, and who had scarce ever spoken
to one of the opposite sex, eloped with a
man named Cummins, sixty years old.
Milwaukee Daily News.
- Mrs. Partington says: haven't
any desire to live longer than the breath
remains in my body, if it isn't more than
eighty years. l wouldn't wish to be a
ccnturian and tho idea of surviving ones
factories always gives mo disagreeablo
consciousness. But whatever is TO be,
will be, and there is no knowing n thing
takes place till it expires. Isaac! what
are you doing, come away and let Betz
alone!
WHAT Is LIFE DIR. Chalmers says
The mere lapse of years is not life. To
ooi dr;nk aud eleon. to ha aynoeod 10 dort