The Kenosha telegraph and tribune. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1859-1860, 1859-12-22
WIT AND WISDOM.

a HUH rent a hole In the crown of your hat.
WHAT Is the Oldest tree in England ?-The
elder tree
The quickest way to make "eye water" is to
run your nose against lamp post.
WHAT part of a ship is like farmer 1.-THE
t er.
A FASHIONABLE PRovERB.-Heaven sent us
women, and France crinoline,
The wages of the laborers on the New York
ana Erie railroad have been reduc ed to rs cents
The lady who was nearly killed by the acct
dental discharge of her duty, is slowly recover
ing.
10 prevent the smell of cooking in house :
Have nothing for breakfast, and warm it over
tor dinner and supper.
IT is an old proverb that ''boys will be BOYS. -
What pity 'tisnt equally true that men will
be men. #
"A Chaplain of prison was asked by friend
bow his flock We're. "Al under conviction, y
'~as the reply.
The love that has naught but beauty to keen
it in gaod condition, is shortlived and subject to
shivering fits.
Why does an aching tooth impose silence
his jaw. ..s..
THERE are stone bridges in China, three and
-FOUR miles long, and an arch of the incredible
span oilsix hundred feet.
Why are young ladies at the breaking up
ota party like arrO,os? Because they cant 90
OF without beau, and are in a qaiuer till they
get one.
Mrs. Jones complained that the turkey she
mad eaten for dinner did not set we'll !" "Proba-
bly," said Jones, sit was not hen turkey ~
de got glass Of water in his face.
SPIRITED woman caught her husband in the
act OF breaking up her hoops. The exertion, or
something else had singular effect upon him,
Tor his hair flew out by the handouts.
HEARING physician remark that small blow
will break the nose, a rustic exclaimed, "Well
1 donno bout that. I've bowed my nose great
many times, and I've never broke it yet"
On person asking another if he believed in
the appearance Of spirits, he replied, mo ; but
L believe in their disappearance, for have miss.
ed bottle of gin since last night"
Tom and Joe were talking over their trav
els when Tom asked his chum-"Were you ev-
er in Greece 2" "No," replied Joe, "but 1 orce
fell into laundering big tub full of soap''
"A shrewd old gentleman once said to his
daughter, ''Be sure, my dear, you never marry a
poor man but remember, the poorest man in
the world is one who has money and nothing else
Judge Kent says "There are very few
evils to which man is subject which he might
not avoid if he would converse with his wife,
and take her advice" The Judge is sensible
man.
SCHOOL LANDs.-The Madison Patriot SAYS out
Of @
Tor sale by the State, only about $1,000 were
bid off the rest falling back into the possession
of the State.
LIME AS MANURE.-A correspondent at Pugh-
town, Chester Co., Pa, writes that he finds lime
the cheapest manure he can purchase. He pays
ten cents bushel for it, and draws it thirteen
miles.
MARvELoUs.-The very last curiosity spoken
of in the papers, is a wheel that came off dog
tail when it was a aoaggin'. The man who dis
covered it has retired from public life to live on
what he owes
A PATENT pocket umbrella, is among the la
test inventions that have been patented. A
company, with a capital of 3 16, 700, and employ
ing about fifty men, has been started in the East
for their manufacture.
Recently man was arraigned for stealing a
demi-iohn of whisky. care you gu lily or not
guilty 2" oval, you can call it what you like
tux the whisky, that I admit, and dranked it
too" ''You took it without leave did you not7"
81 never wait to be asksd when that article is
round"
gThe celebrated Dr. Cumming is preaching
IN London on the end of the world, and 1s draw
ing crowded houses and creating great excite
ment. He sets down the event as sure to occur
In 1867. Lord John Russell and Sir James Ora
ham are among his reported attendants.
- The New York Typographical Society has
resolved to wear the usual badge of mourning
on the left arm, and cause the rooms of the
Printers Library to be draped in mourning, as
tribute of respect to Washington Irving.
The captain of vess ell just arrived in New
York, directed one of the crew to throw the buoy
overheard. He was then stepping into the cab
in. On his return. the captain inquired if his
order had been obeyed. The man with great
simplicity replied 81 couldn't catch the boy,
but threw overheard the old cook"
The Worlds Pity.
Breathe not to me of Pitu
The Worlds pity Iii cold
And cherries. Deigning
Wintry, patronizng smile
1t passes by on the " other side"
1t is Lore crave, the hottest
Incense of the human heart,
Wherein it's likest God.
A Quaker lately popped the question to
fair young quakeress thus: ''Hum-yea and
Virily Penelope the spirit urgeth me, wonderful
ly to beseeeh thee to cleave unto me, and become
flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone?"
Hum, truly Obadiah, thou hast wisely said;
and inasmuch as it is not good for man to be alone
will sojourn with thee %