Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-04-23
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

many authors, anu great deal more
point.
-"Much remains unsung," remarked
tomcat as a brick-bat cut short his ser.
enade.
A man who has no bill against him.
belongs to an order of nobility in more
than one sense.
There is q good deal of sosaa.2
matter and solemn instruction in ~
church bell, if it is only toiled.
Kick a boy for chalking your fence,
and he will balance the account bv
throwing brickbat at the first friend
less dog he meets.
-'Husband, you should Kill that
hen, it is too lazy to stand up" GO,
no. was the reply, ''let her live till she
becomes too lazy to lay"
A writer says that ''life NAV be
merry as we'll as useful" Every per-
son that owns a mouth has always o
good opening for laugh.
-'You look" said an Irishman to \
pale, haggard smoker, Gas if you had
got out Of your grave to, light cigar;
and couldn't find your way back again
Give man brains and riches, and
he is king give him brains withou.
riches and he is slave, give him rich
es without brains and he is fool.
-''Mr. Jenkins, will it suit YOU to
settle that old account Of yours?''-
''No, sir, you are mistaken in the man
i am not one Of the old settlcrs.''
We have the last conundrum: of
Sickles is murderer, what is Butter
worth % Some enterprising grocer is
expected to reply, "Twenty-two cents,
a pound"
-"Class in 'rithmctick come for
ward. If a gallon o geese goose cost
fifty cents, and pint O pigeons milk
a half dollar, who struck gentleman
by the name of Patterson?''
An Irish postboy, having driven
gentleman long stage during torrents
of rain, the gentleman said to him,
"Paddy, are you not very wet?" "No,
please your honor, I'm very dry"
"A Frenchman wishing to speak
Of the cream Of the English poet, for
got the word, and said, ode butter Of
poets" A wag said he had failly
churned up the English language.
A Farmer charged his hired man
with having an offensive breath
''Thunder and lightning" said the en-
ployer, 'Edo you expect man to breath
musk roses for six dollars month ?''
Mr.. James Hogg was married to
Miss Ella Beane, lately. What can be
more natural than the union Of pork
and beans? But this union seems ALI
one-sided-only one bean to whole
hog.
Hearing a physician remark that q
small blow would break the nose, a rus
tic exclaimed, s'HNell, / donno 'bout
that. I've blowed my nose great
many times, and I've never broke it
yet"
$50 there is another rupture of
Mount vociferous," said Mrs. Parting
ton, as she put up her specs; "the pa
per tells rs about the burning lather
running down the mountain, but it don't
tell how it got afire." --s
-'sLadies and gentlemen said g
Snowman, "here you have nagnif-
cent painting Of EDaniel in the lions
den" Daniel can easily be distinguish
ed from the lions by the green cotton
umbrella under bis arIn.'
Two centuries ago not one per-
son in one hundred wore stockings
Fifty years ago not one boy in 1000
was allowed to run at large nights
Fifty years ago not one girl in 1000
made waiting Of her mother.
A pedestrian travelling in Ireland
met a man, and asked him rather gruf-
fly why the miles were 50 plaguy long,
when the Hibernian replied: "Yo GU see,
yer honor, the roads are not in good
condition, 50 We give very good meas
ure." s.
"A boy at a crossing begged some
thing Of gentleman, the latter told
him that he would give him something
as he came back. The boy replied,
"Y our honor would be surprised if you
knew how much money lose by giving
credit that way.
DR.. Adam Clark, who has strong
aversion to pork, was called upon to
say grace at dinner, where the prin-
oipal dish was roast pig. He is reported
~ reS
b.esa u1lsr taa gospel what I',ou dds
curso under the law. bless the ZIG,