The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1859-08-12
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When is lover like tailor ?-WEep
he presses his suit.
Did any one ever see the umbrella again
vhich he had lent for just five minutes?
An excuse is worse and more terrible than
lie; for an excuse is a lie guarded.
Why is anything reconsidered accounted
profitable ?-Because it is considered a.
gain.
There is no objection to broiIs in a house,
so that they only cmana,e from the kitchen.
A truly grateful heart may not be able
to tell its gratitude, but it can feel, and love,
and act.
1t may sound like paradox, yet the
breaking of both AN arny's wings is pretty
sure way to make it fly.
The reason why whales frequent tho
Arctic seas is probably because they sup).,
the northern lights with oil.
That's the rock on which We split said
Charley to his wife when she asked him to
rock the cradle.
How is it that the trees can put on a new
dress without opening their trunks BE
cause they lcdre out their summer clothing.
The Funambuist who tried TO balance
the North Pole, got seriously cut by the
axes Of the earth.
1t is an economical reflection that when
garments are too short, the diHi.ulty NAV
be remedicd by wearing them longer.
Mrs. Partington asks, very Indignantly, if
the bills before Parliament are not counter
felt, why should there be such difficulty
in passing them
VETERANS AND VoLuSrEERs-I don't
dread the enemy said an old soldier, half
as much as our brave volunteers who carry
their rifles in SO dangerous manner
A person recently returned from the
Civil Service Commissioners, England, in
reply to question Of where he had been,
replied, 4 have been after an appointment,
and got the refusal of it,
Mrs. Partington desires to know why the
captain of vessel can't keep a melnoran-
dunn of the weight Of his anchor, instead of
weighing it every time lie leaves port.
A master bade his servant 60 and see
what time the sun-dial indicated. why,
SIR eXpostulated the servant, it is night
'What does that matter? Take candle.
%, my dear, how came you so wet?' in
quired M affectionate mother Of her son.
why, ma, one Of the boys said I darsent
jump into the pond, and by jingo, tell you
/ aint 10 be dared.'
A country newspaper thus describes the
effects Of the recent thunderstorm 1T
shattered mountains, tore up oaks by the
roots, disman,led churches, laid homesteads
waste, and overturned haystack.'
An astronomer, gazing at the moon, fell
into pond. Had you looked into the wa
ter said countryman to him, you might
have seen the moon; but by gazing on the
moon, you could never have seen the pond
'Who is that lovely girl 2 SAID the witty
Lord Norbury, in company with his friend,
Counsellor Grant. Miss Glass; replied
Grant. 4 should often be intoxicated, could
place such glass to my lips said Nor
bury.
DO you know whose remains those are 2
asked gentleman Of Ragged d.scbool pu-
pill, as the Picton cortege was passing along
the Strand, London, to St. Paul's. Yes,
sir replied the lad, those of general pickt
up at Waterloo
Next to the wonder how the milk got
into the cocoa.nut, came George the Thirds
marvel how the apple got into the dump.
ling. This has been succeeded by the ques-
tion Why white ashes should come from
coal, when Goals are so deuced black?
A wise man Of Gotham made bis SER
want sleep in a chamber adjoining his own.
He cried out to him on one occasion.
George, am asIeepf-'Yes, SIR replied
the conscientious George.-'Ab, goodp
In late trial for the amount of tailor's
bill, it appeared that the clothes supplied
did not fit the defendant. Them observed
the judge, we must proceed according to
the lez tailoronis, and the plaintiff must be
Roesuited'
~, Mr. Wedderburn, afterwards Lord Loupb-
borough, was was once asked whether he
really delivered, in the House of Commons.
aspeecb which the newspapers ascribed to
hims sWhy, to be sure,' said be-; there
are many things 10 that speech which did
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