The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1859-05-12
VARIETY.

Navigators should never get 50 aristocratic as to
order their magnetic needles made Of gold or silver.
There is generally thought to be a great deal more
pleasure in bringing on the govt than in bearing it.
Men generally think it a great misfortune when
their heads grow siiyery, and their pockets not.
The general rule is that nature cures US of mala-
dies, and the doctor charges US for it.
A lady IN Indian has obtained a divorce from her
husband because she always lad with his back to
her"
We would rather a chiId's right shoulder should
grow higher than his left, than that his mind should
get the start of his body; for the former would only
Affect his symmetry the latter is frequently u fatal
symptom.
"In the next election said a politician to his OPP
ponent, eve shall see star after star added to the
galaxy Of our triumphs." "Yes," replied the
other, "we shall make you see stars"
About GIRLs.-The best thing about a girl is
cheerfulness. We do not care how rudy her cheeks
may be, or how velvety her lips, if she wears a scowl
even her friends viii consider her Unlocking.
SHARP, ~ NOT CIvn--Wedderburn asked Sheri-
dan how he had got rid of his Irish brogue, as he
wished to get rid Of his Scotch accent. my dear
fellow" said Sheridan, ''don't attempt such q thing.
The house listens to you now because they don't I'M
derstand you; but, if You become Ineligible, they
will be able to take your measure"
CHOICE OF yoRDs.-when you doubt between
words, use the plainest, the commonest, the most
idiomatic- Eschew fine words as you would rouge,
love simple ones as you would native roses on your
heek-Har 1 49,
FLaI1ERr@"If,' said an old fisherman, 81 want
ed to catch one simpleton, l would hook him with q
bride if wanted TO catch twenty, I would net them
with promises; but if desired to catch a hundred, I
would poison them with fattery.
Charles IL, when dining of a loin of beef, asked
the name of it; and being told it was the loin, he
said: "For its excellence I will knight it, and hence
forth it shall be called Sir-ioin, and so it is still
called
VALUABLE wRrrIsG.-The leaf Of an album ON
which Lord Byron had written FOUR lines of poetry
was recently sold to a Russian nobleman at Venice,
Italy, for 81 800. What do you think of that, sub
scribers;
Voltaire related to Mr.. Sherlock an anecdote of
Swift. Lady Carteret, wife of the lord lieutenant,
said to Swift:
1.-The air o: Ireland is very excellent and healthy
"For goodness sake, madam said Swift, 'sdon't
say SO in England, for il you do, they will certainly
tax it"
ton Of his school, selected a class of pupils, and
wrote down the question and answers to the questions,
which he would put to them on examination day.
The day came, and SO came the young ~hepefuls, all
but one The pupils took their places, as had been
arranged, AID all went on glibly until the question
came for the absentee, when the teacher asked Z" In
whom do you believer Napoleon Benaparte."
..You believe in the Holy Catholic Church, do you
not - .'No," said the pupil, amid roars Of daughter,
''the boy who believes in the church hasn't come to
school to-day; he is home sick q bed"
MopERx MEANING OF OLD RoRDs.-Aristocrat.-
One who considers the responsibility Of his grand
father to be sufficient payment for his own debts.s
Abstemious Man-I0ne who never tastes wine nor
spirits-at home.
Apprentice "A. lad learning, by experience the
tyranny necessary to make him a master.
Balance Of Power Common sense.
aws-Authority for publicly whipping the wick
ei-poor.
Nuisance-The disturbance caused by your neigh
Dor in making his fortune.
Oversight.-To leave your old umbrella in n news
room, and bring away a new one.
Precocity-1he impertinence Of your child.
Remorse.-The feeling. Of n pickpocket caught in
the act.
Reflective Turn.-To have your umbrella turned
inside out while turning a corner.
Science--To tie Q canister to q dogs tail, and
observe whether he runs east O Pest.
Unfortunate man--One born With n conscience.
Suggestion--Adyice given by q servant TO his
master
Young Mans Bes, Companion.-He who takes
him home when he can't take himself home.
A FoRoErruL MAS.-A man. endowed with an
extraordinary capacity for forgetfulness, was tried q
short time ago, At Paris. for yagnbondage. He gave
his name as Auguste Lessive, aud believed he wa,
born at Bourges. As he had forgotten his age, thu
registry Of births in that city from 1872 to 1882 wa,
consulted. but only one person of the name of Lessivt
had been born there during that time. and that wa
agirl-
Are YOU sure YOUR name is Lessive ~ asked tn,
Judge
well. I thought it was. but may be it isn't"
Are you confident you were born at Bourges p
"weli, I alters supposed I was, but l shouldn'
wonder II it was somewhere else"
Where does your family live at present."
81 don't know I've forgotten"
Can yon remenber ever having seen your fAthe
and mother ss
az can't ~recollscs ave myself; sometimes
think I have, and then again I think I have not.'
"What trade do you follow
"Well. I'm either q tailor or q cooper, and for tn
life Of me 4 can't tell which; at any rate, I'm eithe
one or the other"
Or rvcr sxn Cary Anofr THE BaSrrIyc- n,