Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-02-04

0t
nEA liberal deduction made ON larger advei
~All transient advertisements must be pait
for in advance.
WIT AND HUMOR.
~-The prettiest lining for bonnet is q
smiling face.
~Love in q cottage il all very well,
If you own the cottage, and have money out
at interest.
The report that school-master chastised
a boy with railroad switch is doubted. -
If he did he got off the track.
ss,~ There is a man in this city whose
memory is so short that it only reaches t.
his knees. Per consequence he has not
paid for his last pair OF boots.
~"The politicians have thrown me
overheard" said disappointed ofice-seeker,
s'but have strength enough lett to swi"
to the other side."
EThe dentists in q place "down East
have formed themselves into an ASSOCIATE n
Their seal is molar, with the motto WE
pull together"
~ An editor in Indiana was attacked by
a man for some personal grievance. The ed
itor says: ITO avoid injuring him, and pre-
vent his injuring US, zoe got out Of tho oay p
To converse with the sprits-lay five
cent piece on the table at a grog shop
they'll show themselves quicker tnan you
can say beans.
~ Jorum was told of supper at which
goblets of ice, formed by evaporation, were
used, from which to drink champagne. Jo-
rum heard the story through, and then ex'
claimed--sWell, ice care!!"
The editor OF a paper ont West calls on
his subscribers for the wherewithal TO meet
his Responsibilities" He was ''son-struck''
last week. Twas heavy blow-an eleven
FOUNDER!
SorrsR SEx.-Woman are called the "sof-
ter SEX" because they are 80 easily humbug-
ged. Out of one hundred girls, ninety five
would prefer ostentatiOn to happiness
dandy husband to mechanic.
A JEW D'EspRlr. When Rothscbild was
asked whether he would not like to become
q temporal King of the Jews of Palestine.
cob. no." said he. II would rather be Jew
of the Kings than King OF the Jews"
NJ A musician by trade does not sub
sist quite 80 simply as q chameleon. The
latter lives upon air, the former rpon airs.
And, BY the way, q musician should enjoy
good health, for he has change of air
whenever he wants it.
The editor of the Kans as Chief must be
in ludicrous "phix." He says:
I'VE have lived on potatoes and beef so
long that we have a complete Irish brogue
and are getting horns and tail like steer.
We have eaten SO many pumpkins that it is
difficult to distinguish our head from a
pumpkin"
SEATED H1M.--A tall fellow persisted in
standing during the performances, much to
the annoy anc. of an audience, and was re-
peatedly requested to sit down, but wou d
not when voice from the upper gallery
called out: ''Let him alone, honey he's a
tailor, and he's resting himself" He i'm
modiatey squatted.
s~"You know, madam, that you can
not make purse out of a sow's ear"
'sOh, sir, please fan me. have int;ma
tions o. swoon. When you use that obi
Gus specimen of vulgarity again, clothe it in
refined phraseology! You should have said,
IL Is lmptDSSlUlc " RSSuu'oiv "
ceptacle from the circular organ OF the softer
sex of the genus hog"
The following gloomy picture is drawn
by the editor at Pana, ILL.,:
"No money in town, trains irregular, no
prospect of getting any money this week,
eatables scarce, nothing to buy with, star
vation ten rods ahead, n" wood to cook with
and nothing to cook, general muss in the
camp and oil about nothing in particular ;
whisky plenty, water scarce, and l"afers in
abundance. Now what's TO be did"
Julius-'sSam, I feel as if I'd like to hab
my name handed down to posterity."
Sam-ssDe hangman will hand you down
from de gallows into de hands OF de dissec
tionists, if you don't alter your ways, mig
GER"
Julius-s'Oh. no, saml feel l shall die
q noble death.''
Sam-"What! On the battle field"
Julius-'No, dat's all played cut n"w.-
Sam want to lay down on d. hear h.and
mix my ashes wild de- grate."
'WHAr LONDON GIN D'D FR EDIr'R.
The editor of tie Logan On Gazeti c
having been presented with b"tle NJ l. :
don Dock Gin, drank it., and theh attempt d
to write paragraph # thanks, with tlis
melancholy result:
.'Jn conclusion, here's to Fire Fountain
No. Some the Brossfountaine Belle Band,
and The rest o! our home insuuons and org
cations. inclnding the ladies and other
, branches of business [hic] in and around
town and especially the dessident's Pres
sage. Monington Washumen,, DC all OF
which may be had cheap at the Buck
1Dyook-Brook and Dug Store OF Beninger's
old Iocdon Dock Gin, for 81 year, il pay.
ment is de,,eyed until the eud OF the Allan
tic Gable"
..s5x- The Freucl, make awful havoc o.
John Bulls English, in their attempt. al
translation. They seem neve, 10 reaec' '''a'
Enoiish words have often many a.d remote
sianiications. Voltaire translated some Z"
Shakspeare's plays. Shakespeare makes one
O. of his characters rel:ounce all Claim a. q
doubtful inh, ritance, with an avowed resolu-
to carve for himself fortune with his sword
Vol,aire put it in French which re-transla'
ted reads, "What care tor lands With my
sword L will make fortune cutting meat
Anoti.er, displeas with such blunders, un'
dertook a more correct translation ct the
great bard. Coming to the following pas
: IS sEven such man, so faint, so spiritless.
-.l So dull, so dead in look, 20 scOe be-gome."
he translated the Italicized words to read
$50 grief--be off with you!''
FoRR,GN. IMMIGRATION The number o
immigrants from foreign sources who land
ed at the port of New York during the yea
1858, was 1850. Their nativity was a
follows: '.8
Z ireland ...f 25,o70 Spain l49
.es Germany al,s74 Switzerland 1905
aaEnglaud :Id ls'aM Mo1,a"d tto1E Sss $50
ssH Wales az 566 Vest Indies 345
-srs uro,ce % arss l7S6 Sardinia 324