Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1859-08-03
THE GAZETTE.
MORNING.. August 3, 1859.
AN AMATEUR PHkENOLoGlST.

AN AMATEUR PHRENoLoulSI-
Oar neis l,bnr, Colonel s.. tells cap
ital story "i a certain way in Erie, Pennsyl-
wanna, "a jolly publican, who contributes II
good deal IA the life of that pleasant but
sometimes obstinate borough. Que morning
travelling phrenulogist arrived at his 'nh
and took up lodgings. The next day IN the
village paper appeared an advertisement,
stating that Professor b was IN Ere,
and would make, "for consideration, an
examination of the heads OF the citizens, and
accompany the same with accurate and reiia-
lille charts of character. For three or four
DAYS the calls were scarce, but ON the fifth
day there was rush Of FIVE or six 10 the
apartments Of the Professor
One mnrning a countryman entered the
inn where the Phrenologist had his rooms,
and said to the landlord aforesaid
lis this the place where the phrenol"gist
holds out, who can tell mans karacter by
the bumps on his skull!'
Yes" replied Boniface, with reserved
and dignifed manner.
Wal l want my potato trop looked into
little. Where is the mani"
II am the man." said the landlord
''Oh you be, oh? Wal, put in, feel o my
bumps, and gin us a map. What's the
swindle?"
There is no swindle, sir. Phrenology is
a science. sir-a liberal science"
20 yes! 'spect so; but what's the price for
feelin feller's head"
..One dollar, with chart"
"Wal, go it. What do do--lie down or
set up! Does it HURT"
Not in the least. sir; take your seat in that
chair"
There were four or five morning loungers
who checked a laugh as the countryman took
his seat, having first as requested, removed
his coat, vest aud neck cloth The wag of a
landlord ran his hands through the hair Of
the patient" for u moment, and then said to
the bar tender:
"Mr. Flipkins, take sheet of paper and
draw four lines down the whole length and
put down my figures under the head l men
tion to you"
1t was done.
Have you got it!"
Yes, all right"
VERY WELL" said the landland, who went
on with all examination which was rougher,
perhaps, than there was any necessity for;
"Put down Philoprogenitiveness strty."
Down, sir"
Every we'll. Reverence, t'co."
Booked, sir"
.Comparativeness, t,co hundrsd'
What's THAR" said the victim
'No matter, sir; you will see on the chart.
Caution, one-Credulity. 400!"
What's the last bump" asked the pa
tient.
Never mind, now; you II understand it by
and by. And now. Ito the barkeeper) MIR.
Flipkins, you've put these in separate col
umns. a. ususl?"
Eyes, sir"
"Very well; add'em up"
"Addem a-u-p-p" exclaimed the phrenolo-
gical subject, lis that the way you dof"
"Ofc-o-u-r-s-e, How else could we get
YOUR balance of mind--of intellect
Wal, 60 ahead!' 49,, =,
"How Does it Daboll, Mr. Flipkins?"
1.-The three columns are equal, foot up pre-
cisely the same"
The landlord looked solemnly and sympa-
thisinglv towards his subject. at is very
strange" said he, "Jm IT'S 50. Phrenology
neveri lies You have no predominant charac-
ter, sir; YOU have no intellectual stdtus-you
don't know anything, sir. Excuse me, sir,
but must speak the truth, whether you take
chart or not; but, sir, if there is any truth IN
Phrenology you are natural fool. Under
these circumstances, sir, | can scarcely ex-
pect you to keep the chart which you have
contracted for; that is matter OF small con-
sequence, as it will be available illustration
of an unique species, which can use in my
lectures with real name and residence The
charge of deception in science is one which
was never brought against me, and never
will be, sir--Heper."
oh! never mind, give us the map" said
the subject; there's the swindle, for it Is
swindle; but I'd rather pay it than to have
You going round the country making lool
of me everywhere else as you have here.
you blasted philoprogenitive humbug you"
With this explosion, the subject retired.