Democrat and sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1853-1866, 1859-11-16

late wife to put on her bonnet, and arm and
arm, they proceeded to the clergyman of their
church
Goodness bless me!'' exclaimed the good
man, as he saw them enter. Smith look ing
like the last of June shad. Smitis wife
wiping her eyes with the corner of her a.
pron-"Goodn, bless me what's the mat
ter 2?
'.The matter is, l want you to marry US
two right of < replied Smith.
Marry yoGs" calculated the clergyman
with expanded fingers and awful eyes are
you drunk, or what is the matter with
you?
However, he finally married them over
straightway and would not take fee; the
fact is, grave as he was, he was dying to be
alone that be might give vent to suppressed
laugh that shaking him all over; aud
Smith and Smiths wife went joyfully home
aud kissed every one of their children The
little Smiths never knew that their father
and mother had ever been made strangers to
| each other by Legislative enactment.
Meanwhile, and on the same night, Jones
returned to his native town; Burlington, l be-
lieve-and sought at once the fine black eyes
who he had hoped shortly to call his own
The pretty widow sat on the sofa. a white
kerchief tied carelessly around her white
throat her black hair laid in silky waivs a
gainst each rosy cheek
divorce is the word cried Jones play
fully patting her double chin; ''the fact is,
Eliza. I'm rid of that cursed woman, and you
il III be married tonight. l knew how how
to manage those scoundrels at Trenton 4
champagne aupper-or it break
/ fast, did the business for them. Put on
| your bonnet and let US go to the preachers
| ct once, dearest"
The widow, who was among widows as
! peaches among apples, put on her bonnet
! and took Jones' arm, and
".tust look how handsome 1t is put on
| parchment cried Jones, pulling out the doc
ument before her. there's the law that says
| that Jacob Jones and Ann Caroline Jones
| are two"
Putting her plump gioved hand on his
SHOULDER she did look.
80 dearp' she said, with her rosy lips,
and sank hack half fauling on the sofa.
30 blazes cried Jones, and sank beside
her, rustling the fatal parchment in his hand;
heres lot of happiness and champage gone
to ruin
1t was hard case. Instead of being di-
vorced and at liberty to marry the widow
Jacob Jones was simply by the Legislature
of New Jersey incorporated into a turnpike
company, aud what made it worse author
lied to run from Burlington to Bristol
When you reflect that Burlington aud Bris-
! tol are located just little spart. on opposite
sides of the Delaware river. YOU will observe
the extreme hopelessness of Jones' case.
Its all the fault of that turnpike man
who gave them the champagne superior
was it the breakfast p cried Jones in agony
III they had chartered me a turnpike from
Pigs Run to Terrapiu Hollow, might have
borne it; but the very idea of building a
turnpike from Burlington to Bristol bear, an
absurdity on the face of it -
So it did
And amt you divorced q said Eliza, a
tear running down each cheek.
No ~ thundered Jones, crushing his hat
between his knees, and vhata worse the
Legislature is ad yourned. and gone home
drunk. and won't be back to Trenton til
next year.
1t was hard case.
The mistake had occurred on the last day .
the season, when legislators and transcribing
clerks were labordng under champagne
breakfast. Smiths name had been pnt where
Jones' ought to have been, and ''wisy wer
sey," as the Latan poet has it.
D~Dr. Bushby, the master of Westmin
ster school, was celebrated for severe discip-
I line Though a severe be was not an i'll
natured mau. 1t is related of him that ont
day when the Doctor was absent from hi
study, boy found some plums iu his chair
and moved his Hckernishness, began to ca
them, first, however, waggishy exclaim-
ing:
Il publish the banns of matrimony between
: my mouth aud these plums. If any her
present know any just cause or impediment
why they should not be united, you are t.
9 declare it or hereafter hold our peace, an,
then ate them.
But the Doctor had overheard the procla
nation and said nothin until the next mor
i ming. when, causing the boy to be brough
n up he grasped the well known instrument
It saying:
Il publish the banns of matrimony betwee
}, this rod and this boy. If any of you kno,
b any just cause or lmpedinlent why they shoul
+ not be united you are to declare it,
The boy himself cried out. Il forbid I'll
6anns 7
:; For shat cauae? inquired the Doctor.
b 'Becsu-.' said the boy. the parties Al
q not agreed
The Doctor enjoyed the validity of the OF
Is lection urged by the boys wit, and tt
ceremony not performed. This
he an instance of DR. Bushby's admiration
es talent.
gas- A lady who makes but mode
r spread of crinoinc, was passing along Il
street IN Richmond the other day, when 81
I'd was met by young man full of bad whske
,g who, in staggering past, stepped on b
a dress. Turing to the lady be remarked
pologetically HOODS take up too much room
e, to which the lady quietly replied, mot
much As bad vhiskey. sir" and passed c