Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-08-12
EuMnyEraphs.

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for 1, advance. TF ssf
FunnyEraphs.
~ The statute legalizing matrimony a
q certain age is, properly speaking, mari
time law. --.. 80, ,s...
GA humorist who always had re
serve of jokes, was supposed to have fun
ded his wit.
@It may be an accomplishment of dex
terity to throw lasso, but tho animal
caught with it must think it nooss.an ce
81 A poet says, ssOh, she was fair bu
sorrow came and left its traces there."-
What became of the balance of the harness
he don't state.
@A woman purchasing cups and sau'
GERS was asked what color she would have
FWhy l,ain't particular" says she; "any
color that won't show dirt" r..
TIt is not wholesome to fall in love
with another mans wife. A respectable
citizen iD Alabama "died" the first year OF
an affection Of this kind. The last time
he was seen he was looking into the muzzle
of cooked pistol. a ;tla
A book about the United States as been
published in Germany, in which the author
mentions, among other equally interesting
facts, that thieves are SO scarce in this
country that . reward is often offered for
the discovery of one. t'~, ~
EA member Of the North Carolina
Legislature made decidedly good chit
. short time ago. A. bill was impending
which imposed fns for selling liquor to
h.
the ground that |" such law would make
them more decent than the whites"
A ToAsr.-At late celebration in Elling-
ton, Conn, the following was the thirteenth
regular toast al .le afa gss-s.
i"WoMAN- the lover of union and the
friend Of annexation. Like cur country,
her manifest destiny is to spread her skirss.''
The above toast was responded to by
nine cheers and whoop!s.
G. The '"Professor'' says, in his last
paper, that II lore you" is all the secret that
many, nay, most women have to tell
When that is said, they are like China crack
erson the morning of the fifth of July.
AA negro, soon after the Revolution.
ary war, being told of the valor of Lord
CORVALLIS, replied s,..,..-
'.King George send him o5er to this coun-
try CORVALLIS, but General Washington git
at him, and sciape de corn all of, and send
him back bome 9 Cob-wallis.' ,5s
CANDIDA fashionable visitor thus ad-
dressed little girl
"How do you do, my little dear r.
"Very well, thank you," she replied.
The visitor: then added, .sNow, my dear,
you must ask me bow de.'' 80.
The child honestly replied, ~ do not
want to know" 81 50
@s'Sally," said green youth, in a
venerable white hat and gray pants,
through which his legs projected half a
faot, "Sally, before we 60 into this 'ere
museum to see the enchanted boss, want
60 ask you something."i
"Well, Ichabod, what is it ?''
"Why, you see this 'ere business is going
to cost the whole of dollar apiece, and
I can't afford to spend 50 much for nothin.'
Now if you'll have me, durn'd eff don't
pay the whole ONT myself, will !"
sally made non-committal reply, which
Ichabod interpreted to suit himself, and he
strode up two steps at Q time and paid the
'hull ont"
WnERR THE LAUGH CANE IN.-Bunce's
and Sizer's farms adjo:ned eacl, other. ST.
xer had an unruly sheep which was in the
habit of getting into Bunces field. Bunce
expostulatsd withs Sizer several times, and
then told him if he did not keep his sheep
at home he would fix him SO lie wouldn't
jump any more fences But Bunce soon
found the sheep back again So he caught
him, aud with knife severed the cuticle or
skin Just beyond the gambril joint, and be
tween the main cod and bone, then thrust
the other hind leg through the aperture and
then put the sheep back over the fence,
which went hobbling off Oh three legs
SiSer soon after discovered the sad plight
his sheep was in, and knew very we'll who
was the cause of it, but he concluded to
take things coolly and await an opportnni-
ty to revenge himself Presently Bunce's'
old SOW broke into Steers field, when he
caught her, and with sharp knife cut her
mouth almost from ear to ear, and turned
her back. When Bunce discovered this, he
went to Sizer's in great rage, and deman-
ded Whist he did that for eizer said, Cup
on my word, neighbor Bunce, did not do
any such thing your old sow split her
mouth laughing at my sheep through the
.tsncsi"-Syroeuse Standard. s3s