Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

&
hoods. .......... ..@s.-f
A couple wishing to get married,
used bee line to tie the knot.
Why are fowls the most economi-
cal things farmers keep? Because for
every grain they give peck. -74@q
Whose best work are most tram
pied on? 4 shoemakers; because good
shoes last longer than bad ones. zr, s
-"Scatter the germs of the beauti-
full, !" as the poet said when he kicked
his wife and children out of doors.
Every woman has a right to be of
any age she pleases; for if She were to
state hcrreal age, no one would believe
her.
If you wish to dream of wedding
rings and fruit cake, waltz with book
muslin dress stuffed with health and
palpitation. 10
Some writer says that the word
acould, in Rufus Choate's hand writing.
resembles small gridiron struck by
lightning. ~. -
What's the difference between q
blind man and an imprisoned sailor?
One can't see to go, and the other
can't go to sea. ..-..- ...--.-
Keep doing, always doing. WISH
ing7 dreaming, intending, naalrmuring,
talking, sighing, and replning, are all
idle and protitless employments.
What do you propose to take for
your cold? said lady to sneezing
gentleman. Oh, Til sell very cheap;
| won't higgle about the price at ALL
When you pay for your coat double
its value, why is it like your wife ?---
Kase it is very dear. 'sHumph..' says
an old bachelor, '+very dear, indeed!''
"A wag remarked the other day
with q very grave countenance that
sShowever prudent and virtuous wid,
ows might be, he had seen many
N-idowerr." .a.s 1895 has
There is. not creature in the
world, where in we may not see enough
to wonder at; there is no insect, no spire
Of grass wherein we see not traces Of s.
divine hand.
There is more truth. than poetry liz
the assertion that there ale two periods
when Congress does no business-one
is before the holidays and the other
after.-R'entioe. .s..n-1 assaaEa-l
A friend Of ours was congratuIat-
ing himself upon recently having taken
very pleasant trip. Upon inquiry,
we found that he had tripped and fell
into q young lady's lap,
in an Irish provincial journal there
is an advertisement running thus
''W anted, a handy laborer, who caa
plow a married man and Protestant,
with son or daughter.'' c."
Mr.. D-sat long time very at
sentive, musing upon cane-bottometl.
chair. 1t length he said: Il wonder
what fellow took tie trouble to find
them ar holes, and to put the straw
round thcm?'
-"1ke,' said rusty old heathen Of
the desk, Chow do astronomers measure
the distance to the sun?'' "Why,", re
piled the young hopeful, 'Sthey guess at
one-fourth the distance, and then null
tiplies by four" The desk-woHm faint
cd.
In the last illness of George Cole
man, the doctor beng late in an ap-
pointment, apologized to his patient,
saying that he had been called in to
see man who had fallen down we'll
Odd he kick the bucket, doctor?'
groaned out poor George. a.
The Boston Post wants to know
why credit should not be given to physi-.
clans in notice of death, as well rs to
clergymen in notice CT marriage. 4
newspaper obituary announcements
should read. ''Dicd at the hands Of
DIR. Saddlebags, John Doe, aged SO
and so. s-5
"a pretty pair of eyes are the hes1
mirrors to shave bv,'' said Mr. ALI.
sense, the other day to an old fo9y bach
elor. -.
s'Why, humph. yes, to be sure" re-
piled the old hunk; and can tell vo,,
little more-nlany man has: hcen
shaved by them!'' Ee
An e;rsiern editor, complaining
that he could noe sleep one night, sum
med up the causes: .---....--s.
Sixteen plug ugIies thrashing dead
rabbit-a vailing babe of sixteen
months eld-a dog bowling under tbs
window-a cat in the allev--a eolored
serensde over the xar-s toothaofez--
and 4 PIC trying 70 getl At the back
door.