The penny press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1859-1860, 1859-09-14
HUMOROUS.


sulky and grim wo rose again,
Sulky and grim rosehc.
This is worse than Dickens's grim cx-
pcricnce when in this country, at that
grim meeting Of grim Quakcrs he so
srimly describes in bis "Notes."
TRANscENDENTAlIsN -"YOu know, mad
am, that you can not make Il purse out
of S0w's ear
ooh, sir please fun Inc. have inti-
nations of a swoon, When you use that
odious specimen of vulgarity again, clOthe
it in refined phraseology! You should
say, it is impossible to hbricate pocu-
mary receptacle from the auricular organ
of the softer sex Of the genus hog"
Bsy-A respectable woman, in highly
respectable family in Baltimore, caught
her husband the other day in the act of
breaking her hoops. The exertion, or
something else, had a singular effect upon
him. His hair came off at a 'stonishing
rate.
RgYH"Pa, what kind of wood is the
school-board made OFF, asked little
smarty of his father. Birch, my son,
used mostly by teachers for unruly boys
Suky, put this boy to bed-hc is getting
sleepy"
Bg~A gentleman who, under the least
excitement, would exclaim, "there is a
crisis coming" was considerably amused
at being gravely informed by little four.
ycar-old son that "tho cry-sis had come,
and was in bed with mother"
BI~"Boss, | want twenty-five cents"
said Jour printer to his employer.
twenty-five cents How soon do you
want it, Jake"
"Next Tuesday"
"As soon as that (? You can't have 1t
I told you often that when you were in
want of SO large sum of money you must
give at least four weeks notice"
MoDEsry Irish corporal, who now
and then INDUCED in noggin of right
good poteen, was thus accosted by his
captain, while standing at ease-"Pat,
what makes your nose red p "Plase yer
honor" said Pat, 81 always blush when l
spakes to an officer"
Hyn Here is a tifty-year-old jeu dcsprit
that is quite as good us new. A rich old
gentleman by the name of Gould married
girl not yet out of her teens, After tho
wedding he wrote the following, to inform
friend of the happy event:
"You see, my dcar Doctor,
Though eighty years old,
\ girl of nineteen
Falls in love with old Gould'
10 which the doctor replied:
"a girl Of nineteen
May love Could, it is true
But be ieve me, dear sir
1t ID GOLD without wv
BsB Formerly women were prohibited
from marrying until they had spun a set
of bed furniture, and hence were entitle d
spinsters until married. A morosc old
bachelor, at our elbow, remarked; "Now-
a-days they spin strcot,yarn p We
"lookcd dagsorS' at him, Of course, as
every body knows VIC don't like TO hear
illnaturcd remarks about the ladies'
It5S"A country minister says, there are
four things he wants kept at homo when
he breaches, that is children and dogs,
candidates and stud.hOrses
g4"Thero is place in Georgia where
the land is SO poor that WHOM they bury
any one, they put in q little guano, so as to
he able to raise them in the last day.
EaSs"A little boy was saying his prayers
half asleep: "Nowl lay me down to sleep;
pray the Lord my soul to keep. III
should die before | wakc--pop goes the
weasel !"
I@5~lt may sound like paradox, yet
the breaking Of both an army's wings is
o pretty sure way to make it fly.
Ess'To succeed, you must keep moving;
to grow rich, you must keep saving,