The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-12-14
Miscellaneous Items.
- What kind Of doctor would ducL
makel A quaek doctor.


- Smuggins writes 10 friend and
closes by saying: II am glad 10 be able
to say that my wife is recovering slowly"
- The merchants and capitalists of
Great Britain are estimated TO own about
900 ocean steamers.
- A man has been fined $40, in New
York, for kissing woman against her
will.
= "The victory is not always to the
strong," as the boy said when he killed
skunk with brickbat.
-" "Caught in her own net" as the
man said when he saw one of the fair sex
hitched in her crinoline.
- A lady describing an ill-natured
man says, she never smiles but he feels
ashamed of it,"
= The young lady who was suffering
from the ear-ache was completely cured
by young man whispering few words
in it.
= There is nothing like fixed steady
aim with an honorable purpose. 1t dig
nifes your nature and insurcs your sue
cess.
= Il is said that lady putting on
her corsets is like man who drinks to
drown his grief, because in so-lacing her
self she is getting tight.
= Can any of our fashionable ladies
tell why the Lord, when he made Eve
from one of Adams ribs, didn't make a
hired girl from one of his fingers and
toes?
- In discussion at an agricultural
club, wag recommended the farmers TO
put snuff on their corn, 50 as to make the
crows sneeze, and then to shoot the sneez-
ing ones as the rogues.
= A down east editor says he has seen
the contriyance our lawyers use when
they swarm up with the subject" He
says it was glass concern, and holds
about pint.
=" You look like death on pale
horse" said jim to topper, who was
growing pale and cmaciated.
81 don't know any thing about that"
said the topper, "but Pm death on pale
brandy"
: The most amusing man in the world
is Frenchman IN a passion, by gar,
you call my wife woman three several
times once more, an | will call you the
watch house, and blow out your brains
like candle"
- A lecturer, addressing Mechanics
Institute, contended with tiresome pro.
lixity, that "Art could not improve ma
ture," until one of the audience, losing
all patience set the room in roar by ex-
claiming, "How would you look without
your wig|
-" Captain, what's the fare to ST.
Louis"
"What part of the boat do you wish
TO 90 on, cabin or deck?"
Hang your cabin" said the gentle
man from Indiana, Il live in cabin at
home; give me the best you've got"
= Paddy was summoned to court, for
refusing to pay doctors bill.
Judge" Why did you refuse to pay ?"
Paddy" What for should l pay?
shurc, did he give anything but some
emetics, and the never one could keep
on my stomach, at all"
= A son of the Emerald Isle, on be-
ing told that friend of his had put
money into the stocks, replied, "Och and
its there We are! Troth, an | never had
farthin' in the stocks; but, be the holy
poker, I've had my brogues there Of
tener than / liked, sure"
- A lady down east gives her views
on woman's rights to the world. She is
against the interference of women in pol
itics. She asks poiutedly:
If men can't do the voting, and take
care of the country, what is the use of
them p
That's a poser
- The author of the following lines
is said to be distant relative of Alex
ander Smith, the poet. His name is prob
ably John. He is in fair way TO be-
come as celebrated as Alexander:
Abigail Brown,
With n bran new gown,
Went down to see her sister,
When Jonathan Lee,
As brisk as flea,
Jumped right up and kissed her.
- A countryman came to one of our
hotels and wrote after his name Z" p. 0.
p. f. S. g." Here was title which
none but himself understood.
"Pray, my dear sir" asked the bar
keeper, "what do all these letters stand
forW
"Stand forl why that's my titlew
ayes, sir--but what is your title"
"Why, Professor of Psalnody and
.Schoot-master from Connecticut"
- "Father," said roguish boy, al
hope you won't buy any more gunpowder
tea for mother"
"Why notp
because every time she drinks il she