The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-07-27
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A pipe like quack medicine, is

nothing until its pulled.
Pn-- To speak harshly to person OF
sensibility, is like striking a harpsichord
with your fist.
- Right and duty are like two palm
trees, which, bear fruit only when growing
side by side.
= Prentice says, "by The rules of war,
1t is death to stop cannon ball." The
fellow talks like duelist. w
=" "What church do you attend Mrs.
Partington?' '-
oh, any paradox church, where the
Gospel is dispensed with"
- / had rather never receive kind
ness than never bestow one; not to re-
turn a benefit is the greater sin but not
TO confer it is the earlier.
: A good man in affection, who was
asked how he bore his sorrows so well, re-
piled, at lightens the strokes to draw
near to Him who handles the rod"
- If you wish to make yourself ia
vorite with your neighbors, buy a dog
and tie him in the cellar all night. They
won't sleep from thinking of you.
"My lad," said a lady to boy carry
ing an empty mail bag, O. are you mail
boyT
|" You don't think Use a female boy,
doz you, ma'amW
- An Irish postboy, having driven
Sheridan n long stage during torrents of
rain, the latter said TO him, 'Pat, are you
not very wet?' "No, plase your honor,
I'm very dry" was the arch answer.
=" What is the best guard against
an adversary y said pupil in the art OF
selfdefense TO his teacher--a noted pugil-
ist. Keep civil tongue in your head
was the unexpected and significant reply.
- Somevery pious young women have
established an association which they
style, "The Young Woman's Anti
Young-Man-Wa aiting- at-the-- Church.
Observation-Disclosures Enthusiastically"
= Sidney Smith passing through q
by-street behind st. Paups, heard two
women abusing each other from opposite
houses. "They will never agree" said
the wit, "they argue from different prem
iscs."
- A sneaking dirty fellow being il
fear of bailifls, wished to disguise himself
A wag gave him the following advice =
"Wash yourself, and hold up your head
and assure you no one will suspect whC
you are"
- Some one blamed DR.. Marsh fo
changing his mind. WE'LL" said he
T" that is the difference between n man anC
a jackass; the jackass can't change hi.
mind, and man can--it's human priv
ilege."
= a little girl, showing her little cous
in, about four years old, a star, said, "tha
star you see up there is bigger than thi
world" No, it amt" said he Yes
liz is" "Thcn why don't it keep th,
rain off,!
- There is nothing purer than homes
ty--nothing sweeter than charity--noth
ing warmer than loye--nothing richie
than wisdom--nothing brighter than yir
tue-and nothing more steadGast thar
| faith.
= A negro boy was driving null
when the animal suddenly stopped anc
refused TO bulge. "Won't go, hey 2
said the boy. "Feel grand do you'll
Guess you forgot your father was a jack
ass"
"Pa, didn't l hear you say the othc
day you wanted cider press9"
Yes, daughter, where can ! get one {?
"Why, you try Zcke Strokes; he hug
ged me the other evening at the party
and l tell you he made me grunt"
A thick headed squire, being worst
ed by Sidney Smith in an argument, too
his revenge by exclaiming, /" If l had
son who was an idiot, by Jove, I'd max
him parson." "Vcry probable" sai'
Sidney, "but,I see your father was of
, different mind"
-" l say, Germany, hev yer got an
saddles for dogsa"
Now, Young America, no doubt eS
nected Hans to land stick of wood i
) the immediate vicinity Of the door, bu
no Looking up from his work quit
; composedly, he replied:
"Yaw, com in, unit try Won on"
Young America sloped.
= The following inscription is said {
, have been found on a head-board at
. grave in Shasta diggings, California:
In memory
: of
, John Smith, who met
! wierlent doth neer this spot
5 on the IL day of February
a 1900 and 40 too--He was shot
: by his own pistil, il was not one of
c the new kind but a old fashioned one
O brass barrel and Of such is the