Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1859-04-14
NO. IA.

!ssaszsslsszs
My first donkey ride was a great ev.
ent; may almost say, that it marked
an era in my history. Having lived all
my llFe IN region wholly innocent of
OF donkeys,. but having read many ac-
counter their extraordinary strength and
obstlnacy, my ideas of the quadruped in
question were somewhat vague and con-
siderabIy more grand than nature
Soon after landing in France, when
riding from St. Malo to Nantes in the
diligence, | noticed a peasant riding in
a minute cart, drawn by what at first
sight concluded to be an exaggerated
sheep. ~ glance at his head however,
mostly composed as it was of ears. was
final. / knew that veritable donkey
was before me.
''Sir, said | to the coachmap. running
over i'll my mind the leading provisions
of section four, chapter 1873 of the Re-
vised Statutes Of the State of Wisconsin
relating to Cruelty to Animals" F." Sir,
such things are not allowed in my coun-
try"
"What'' said the polite Jehu "cannot
your people drive donkeys %
Certainly said l, "when they are ma
ture donkeys, but not thus, when if I
may judge from the stature of the beast,
he is i'll the early dawn of his infancy"
"Sir, said Jehu, with Veteran bre-
witty, cit is a weakness of the French
donkeys never to emerge from that
same dawn" and he pointed to an ap-
preaching procession Of the lugubrious
beasts rs a proof Of his words. All
were OF the same molecular order.
The scales fell from my eyes. The
reality was too strong for my theories.
With
The idea that would write an epic
poem in twelve cantos upon the life of
Christopher Columbus.
2.
The idea that the divine aroma which
| pervaded the atmosphere where Soph-
ronia moved, was in no way traceable
to Lubin's extracts or other extraneous
perfumery.
The idea that it was remuneratire to
shave for the purpose of developing a
beard, &c, &c.
With these and kindred hallucinations
Of my youth was now placed, my ideal
donkey.
My first donkey ride as I have before
stated was an event. LET me have
good donkey to go for ride of few
hours said | to mine host of the Hotel
Bordeaux at Tours. The donkey
came
"Be careful how you manage him.
said Bonliace sometimes he is vicious"
| smiled aloud. The idea that the VIC
BUSINESS or morality Of an animal no larg-
or than sheep should be anything ether
than a matter Of Indifference to me was
too ridiculous. | picked up a sharp
stick and mounted.
| "A somewhat peculiar expression fit
ted across the countenance of mine Lost
(which without stopping to analy4e,
concluded to be admiration for my I'M
daunted boldness.
| suffered the donkey to choose his
own pace until we were beyond the city
walls, when by jerking the reins briskl|
chlrfutpln@@, ;s'.,. alvers other gentle
means | endeayored to insi1uate to him
my desire for higher rate Of speed
rae was indifferent to my advances
Then thrust the sharp stick vigorously
among his ribs. The donkeys feet, like
those OF the ballet dancer described bv
Aurora Leigh ''twinkled over his head;'
in an instant.
got up and walked toward the DON
key, wiser man. Although mid dav
could see the stars which VIRGIL de-
scribes as pasturing in the fields efheay-
en-, dancing the hop waltz all about me
IN the fields of earth
He touched his lutte with magic spell, &c.
repeated / with great feeling and en-
phasis.
The donkey was quietly grazing,
keeping one eye meanwhile upon his
wrecked rider. surveyed the enemy
Tor few moments, after the manner of
Napoleon and then decided upon 1sy
plan of operations.
remounted and crossed my feet un-
der the donkey's belly. Gle may kick"
sollloqulzed |, "but he can never unite
knot" And again and again / ap-
Piled the sharp stick again the donkey
played the ballet girl, but was unmov-
ed. Then he suddenly dropped upon
the ground and rolled over me- Nigh
tier than was Alexander of old-he un-
tied the Gordian knot.
ooh, most infamous
'Tho Count of Lara is a damned villain"
quoted I, culJing a random gem from
Longfellow's Spanish Student.
My bones felt like those of hereto
who had been broken on the wheel. AS
the donkey had turned his head toward
home, | concluded not to run counter to
his lnclinatlons, and throwing away the
sharp stick, suffered him to jog quietly
back to the Hotel.
Had Monsieur pleasant ride" said
Bonitace surveying fragment of the
inner lining Of my vest which had in
some way become visible through the
back OF my coat, while that same indie
Unable expression fitted across his Wis.,
age. Certainly" replied I with my
blandest smile and bow, which mas
much as it necessitated the bending of
my body, renewed again the fortunes Of
thezpulyerized hereto.
From that day | have entertained a
settled aversion for donkeys. consid-
er Stenrne's Threnody over a dead don
dey, and Colerige's frateruel elegy, the
most exaggerated specimens OF bathos
in any literature. So far as | am adVis-
ed, Betsy fleetwood is the only historic
parsonage to whom has been vouchsafed
. a correct appreciation of the utter viler-
ness Of the -donkey's nature.
~, JXa9tonbn11 TVor<To fbr1o