Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-04-30
Fact, Fancy and Fun

When IS iron iron-i-cal? Whea
1t is railing. .... ......:
When is tired man like a thief?
When he needs a-resting.
Why did Job always sleep cold 2
kase he had poor comforters.
Why is the sun like good loafs
Because its light when it rises.
Why is a thief in garret like an
honest mans Because he is above.
doing wrong.
It's great pleasure to be alone
especially when you have your sweet
heart with YOU.
The coat of a horse is the gife Of
nature. That of an ass is often ,hs
work Of a tailor.
"A drunkard, upon hearing that the
earth was round, said that accounted
for his rolling off so much.
MISPLACED PoL17ESsss.-A.king q
full hooped lady to take seat in an
arm chair. 1t can't be did.
A humble man is like a good tree.
the more full of fruit the branches are.
the lower they bend themselves.
Why is fashionable lady like a
rigid economist? Because she make.
a great deal of hustle about a little
waist.
Why is man who spoils his chill.
dren, like another man who builds cas-
ties in the air2 Because he INDUCES
infancy too much.
why is man who makes addi-
tlons to false rumors, like one who has.
confidence in all that is told him? Be.
cause he relies on all that he hears.
Mrs. jenkins complained in the
evening that the turkey she had eaten
on Christmas did not set ,cel.
''Probably," said jenkins, sit is not
a hen turkey"
-"My lad" said a lady to. boy
carrying an empty mail bag, care you
a mail boy ?" -
''You don't think Use female boy,
doz you, ma Fam ?"
An individual the other dav re.
marked upon the street, that money is
the great lever in the affairs of man
kind. GA very good leavcr, indeed"
replied Blinks, 81 never could keep it,,
Hearing a physician remark that
small blow would break the nose, rus
tic exclaimed, "Well, / donno bout
that. I've bloved my nose grea.
many times, and I've never broke it
yet"
--Jorum was told of supper at
which goblets ofic formed by evapo-
ration, were used from which to drink
champagne. Jorum heard the story
through and then exclaimed, DIVE eli
zee aonTeI I''
Mrs. Smith hearing strange
sounds, inquired of her new servant it
she snored in her sleep. 81 don't
know, marm," replied Becky innocent
ly; Il never lays awake long enough
to diskiver."
--Plutarch says, in his life of Alex
ander, the Babylonians used to sleep,
during dog days, on skins filed with
water The Boston Times adds, that
in these days men sleep in skins filed
with bad rum.
"A Pickeral was caught, the other
day, with a squirrel in his stomach
Qnery-Did the squirrel 90 into the
water after the pickeral, or the picker
al 60 mp r tree after the squirrel? A
problem for debating society.
-"How very seldom it happens"
said one friend to another, ''that we
find editors who are bred to their bus
mess" every WELL" replied the 9th
er, "and have you not remarked how
seldom the business is bread to the ed
itor."
"A man was walked in the night
and told that his wife was dead. He
turned over, drew the coverlet closer,
pulled down his night cap, and mutter-
ed, as he went to sleep again: "Ah!
how grieved ! shall be in the morn
ing"
-"Put out your tongue little far
ther," said physician to female pa
tient; "a little farther, ma'am if you
please-a little farther still" "Why,
doctor, do you think there is no end to
woman's tongue ?" cried the fair ir-
valid.
-'tPa, has mamma got bees in her
mouth 2" 'sNo; why do you ask such q
question 90 s'Cause, that leetle man,
with heap o. hare On his face, cotch-
ed hold Of her, and said he was going
to take the honey from her lips; AMI
.be sa.d well, make haste -"