The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1859-09-16
F0L. s. N0.7.
.aRrEgM.as KaRp,s GoURTZNG.

I .qRTE.MyqS K.gRD'S GoURTLNG.
Twas a cartn still night N Joon, when all
naiur was husbed s nary Zefer disturbed the
serene siiensr. | sot with the obIel5 of my
hearts affections on the fence Of her daddy's
pas'uF. had experienced hand KERN arteF
hgr fur sum time, Dat darsant proclaim mi pash-
nn, wal we sot there on the tense swinging Of
onf feet 2 & fro & blushing as red as the Baul
dlnvIle skale house when 1t was first painted
! looking very cimpai, make no dowt. Ny
ieii arm was okuPled ia baiiunsia myseIfon the
trnce While my right arm wos wound afeksh-
! nifty ronnd Snzanner's waste.
Sez I, ''Sazanner, thinks very much of
yon."
SEE she, show you do run on"
SEE !, Il wish there was winders ~ mi sole
soz you could see some of my iee!ius,'' S side
deeply
pawsed here, but as she made no reply to it
I continued oE ihe following strain
Ar, Good yer know the sieepIis mites I parse
on yer account, how viltles had srast tc be at
traciige To me s. how my limbs is shrunk up.
YOU woo1n't dowt me nor By 10 meens Gaze
cried, iumPlu up & [ shud have continued sum
tine longer Pro5ly, but unfortunately I lost my
balance & fell over into the pastar ker smash,
taring my close and severely daenagin myself
generally. SuzaRner sprung 10 my assistance
& dragged me 4th in dubble Quick time. Then
drawing herself uP to her foil bite she sed:
u won't listen to yur noucents eny longer.
Jest you sa rite oGl what you are driven at. If
you mean gitiin hitched, I'm in.''
Dick LAzYEoNEs Selling HIS DoG.-Dick
Lazybones was the owner of large dog, which
cost as much 10 keep as two pigs would have
done and he dog, besides, was useless nay,
be mas worse than useless, Tor, 10 addition 10
the expense OF keeping, he toook up house room,
and greatly annoyed Dicks wife. s'Plague take
the dog" said she :'Mr. Lazybones, I do wish
you would sell him, or kill him, o. do something
or other with him. He's more plague than
his neck is worth, always lying IN the chimney
corner, aud eating more than IT would take TO
MAINTAIN three children. | wonder you will
keep such a useless animal" "Well, well, my
DEAR" said Dick, "say no more about it. I'll
get rid of him one of these days This was in
tended as d mere get off, on the~part of Dick
but as bis wife kept daily dinning in bis ears
about the dog; he was at length compelled to
take some action on the suject. "Well, wife, ("
said he, one day, as he came in,ssPse sold
IaHaisF.2 ss4Ah.. havs- yo1. indaed ~ said she,
frightening M al the good news :'l'm glad of it.
How much did you sell him tor, my dear 2''
s'Fifty dollars !" What fifty dollars for that
dog How glad an! That will buy US cow.
But where's the money, my love 2" "Afoney 3"
said Dick, shifting his cigar lazily TO The other
corner Qfhis mouth, 81 didn't get any money
Il took two puppies, at twenty-five dollars
q piece"
ga GOOD JOKE is told OF Beecher and
Park Benjamin, though it is probably not true.
On one Of their lecturing expeditions, they
were riding in the same railway car. Getting
into conversation about preaching, Beecher was
so courteous as to ask him to come 10 Brooklyn,
some sabbath morning, and hear him. II do
not know where your meeting house ls," said
Benjamin show shall ] find il - "Oh,"
replied BetcheF, "alI you have to do is to come
over one Of the ferries, and follow the .crowd.''
~ would Gomez continued Benjamin, sbut for
Beecher. 'Because," said Benjamin, with
merry look out OF hiseyes, 81 make 1t an in
variable rule never TO SO 10 any place Of
amusement on Sunday"
AWFUL ConrlrioN.-.sWell, there is row
over at our house"
sWhat on airth's the matter, you little sar-
pint -
"Whv dads drunk, mothers dead, the old
cows got cali, Jerusha's married a printer and
run away with the spoons. Pete swallowed
pin, and Lewis looked the Aurora Borax.till
be's pof the 10 jiriurn tranuies -
"Good gracious I'll have to go over and
see 'em'
ssThat amt all, neither
sWhat else, upon aiFth %
ssRose split the batter-box and broke the PAN
cakes, and one Of tae Maltese kittens has got
her head into the molasses cup and can't get il
out, and oh, how hungry ! am"
Signipg the pledge.-Joe Snrpes was induced
in lucid moment TO sign the pledge. Joe was
wild, irolcking dog, and his frmness in keep
Jag his promise was wonder to all his friends.
Al weddeins, one day, Joe was found behind
the door taking right good drnk-a long pull,
and strong Pnil.
,sWhv," said Boo Pitts" thought YOU had
signed the pledge, Joe %
:: So have" said Joe g bat all signs sou
know, fail in dry weather"
~ Some one was telling an lrishman that
somebody ha,f eaen ten saucers of ICE cream ;
whereupon Pat shook his head $50 you don't
believe it % 81 behave in the crane, bui not
in the saucers."
Joe and Bill Benton went TO New. Or
leans wlth iai-boat Of corn. jos wrote TO his
father thus
..No Orleans, Gune s. Deer Dad markets is