Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-07-29
FuMllygraplls.

Funnygraphs.
q II the father is the head of the family
what is the eldest son! Why, the heir t
be sure
@ Mrs. Partington says that Louis Na
poleou Is succeeding beyond her most sar
culinary expectations.
- Whose best works are trsmpled upo
most ? A shoemaker's; because good shoe
last longer than poor ones.
T .Doyo know who built this bridge,
said son to Hook.
"Nc.' replied Hook, "but il you go owe
ityou'i be telled.''
~ A cobweb marriage is thus notice
by on, of our exchanges Married las
week, Locke Cobb to Miss Kate Webb"
What .amily of eobwebs may be the re
suit!
Two members of the Oregon Legislator
quarre!ed tho other day. One of them cal
leo the other q lawyer, and the latter retor
ted by calling the offender a puppy. Thi
we presume was intended as the retort cur
seeous.. Osxrisr.
~ tits stated =; some wiseacre, tha
the heart Of man weighs about nine oun
css, that Of woman about eight. As ag
increases mans heart grows heavier an,
. VIC nan's 'lighter-some girls lose their
1T sixteen.
Two members of the Ohio Lsgisla
tnre quarreled few days ago. One o
them called the other liar, and the othe
relorted by throwing q quid Of tobacco il
the lace of the offender. We presume thi
was meant as the quid pro quo.-G. D. Pr
vi
. ROUNDED AND SouARED.-A butcher pre-
sented bii tor the tentl. time to q ricf
skinfl.n, at st likes me-" sad the latter
"that TIN, is u pretty round BILL" "fes,
replied the butcher, ''I've sent it round ofter
nough to make It appear 30; and l have
called now to get it squared
O. Mr.. Jenkins vas dining at a very
.ospi,able table, but piece of bacon be-
lore him was so remarkably small that the
lady "f the house remarked to him, "Pray
Mr.. Jenkins. help yourself to the bacon
don't be afraid OF it." "No, indeed, mad
am, / shall not be. l have seen a piecs
twice as large, and it did not scare me d
Bit"
~ They tell good story of Hallam an
Rodgers The poet said, elbow do you 20
Halla,n :" "What3" why, how d., VT,
fnd yourselr9' Il never lose myself y
"Well, h,w have you been?" =. }ct,.
where =" "P,haw how do you fee p
"Feel OF Inc and see." "Good Horni :
Hallam" "It's not good morning, -
Rodgers could Say no more.
~A bachelor says ga woman VII
stick to the chosen ut her heart like q f. t"
a scatch-em alive aud you can't separatt
her without snsrping strings no art car
mend, and leaving portion of her soul up.
on the upper leather of your affections -
She will sometimes see something to love
where others see nothing to admire, and
when fondness is once fastened to fello"
it sticks like q penny stamp to an envelope
or tax. .gatherer to your house door,"
A CHALLrNaE.-A correspondent of the
WATERFORD Sun challenges any maa or sci
of men to game Of "mumble the peg" the
provisions to pe in accordance with the
ancien. rules of the game, us follows:
ssThe game to be played with medium
sized jack knives, with or without handles
and having at least one blade, and the peg
of wood two inches short, and not to bt
driven into the earth more than three inche:
deep. The purse to consist of the stakes,
which is nothing up all around, like sun
to be added by our chess club, and which
tho winner is to appropriate, be the saIns
more or less"
TThe other day, a Dutchmsn in Oincin'
natl was severely thrashed by his "vrow,
and while smarting under the inAiction, III
Q implanted to the Mayor, and had his bet
ter half arrested for the outrage, whereupol
she was found guilty and fined three dollar
and the costs, but she not having the money
her husband was called upon to tork over
Upon which he opened his eyes in great sur
prise, exclaiming, "Vot for l pay7 Sh'
vip me - The "statute'' was then explained
to him, and he paid, but announced that hi
wife might hereafter wollop him AZ mucl
as she pleased, but he would never agail
take steps to uphold the ''majesty of tn
Aw."
WaY DID JACOB CRY.-Jacob kissed Ra
hml, and lifted up bis voice and wept.-
Scripture.
"a If Rachael was only q pretty girl, an
4 pit her face clean, we can't see that ia
cob ha9 much to cry about.-N Y. GLOBE
Why, he wept tears Of joy, Mr.. Globe
Yor never kissed pretty girl or yo'
v ouiGn't wonder bit. We have been il
esh, rame boat with Jacob before now an
,bIabbered righ. out.--Lynn Nesos.
The cause Of Jacobs weeping was th
re usal Of Rachael to allow him to kiss be
a. sin Flag.
Jacob wept because lie hadn't kissed he
before, and regretted the time had lost
Ags .....
. Perhaps she slapped his mouth for Li
'impertinance.
., A Coop SroRY.-An anecdote wort
laughing over, IL told OF man via hai 81
infrmity, as we'll as an appetite tor f>h.-
: lie was 10 keep up his charater tor holest!
even while enjoying his tavorite meal; an
while making bill with his merchant,
he -tory GOES, and wheR his back was 'nrl
:, I'd the honest buyer slipped cod-tis
f. up under his coat tail. But the GARNER
was too short to cover the theft, aud IL
,nercliant perceived it.
3. .Now," eaid the customer, anxious t. in
prove all opportunities to call attention t
his virtues, 'Nr. Merchant, l have trade
with you great deal, and have paid ye
mp promptly and honestly, haven't 7"
sOh, yea," said the merchant, Il NAL
no complaint" -,a
''Well," said the customer, 'sI alwa,
insist that honesty is the best policy, a.
the best rule to live and die BY"
nee ."That's co." replied the merchant.
And tho customer turned to depart.
"Hold on, friend," cried the msrchan
Appealing Of honesty, I have bit OF advi
10 give yon. Whenever you come to ira
again, you had better wear longer coat
steal shoysr goldfish" 49,
81 TThe FIRST case of sun-stroke Of viii
- ~e haye any record is related in the Bib
The victim was the little son of Shunamit
vAo, ..leing iL the field with the reape
said plta his father, My bead my head