Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1859-08-20
Consider Me Smith"

or the uay, a joke CO which was played by
old DR.. Caldwell, formcly Of. the University
of North Carolina old doctor was u
I small man, and lean, but hard aud angular
MS the most Irregular of pine knots.
| He looked MS if he mi ght be tough, but
he did not seem strong. Nevertheless, he
was among the knowing ones, reputcd to
be as agile asa cat; and in addition, was
by no hicans de6cicntin knowledge of the
I" noble science of sclf-defcpcc.' Besides
he WAS as cool as a cucumber. Well, in
the freshman class, of certain year was
a burly beef mountainccr of Is or 10
This genius conceived Il great contempt for
old BOlus' physical Dimensions; anu his
soul was Mortified that one so deficient in
muscle should be so potential in his rule
Poor Joncs-that's what we'll call him
! had no idea of-moral force. At any rate
he was not inclined TO knock under, and
be controlled dcspotically by man that he
imagined that hc could tic and whip
He at length determined to give the gen
tlcman a gentccl private thrashing some
night in the College Campus, pretending to
mistake him for some fcllow-studcnt.
Shortly after ona dark and rainy night,
Jones met the doctor crossing the Campus,
| Walking up to him abruptly, he said:
"Ilcllow, Smith you rascal-is that
you?"
And with that he struck the old gentle
man blow on the side of the face that had
nearly fclled him.
Old Bolus said nothing but squared him
self and at it they went. Jones' youth,
weight and muscle made him an "ugly
customcr;" but after a round or two, the
doctors science began utcll, aud in short
down, and was astraddlc on his chest, with
one hand on his throat, and tho other dcal-
ing vigorous cuffs OIL the side of his head,
Nh stop. All. stop! | beg pardon,
doctor! Doctor Caldwcll-a mistakc-for
J heavens sake, doctor y groancd Jones,
who thought he was about to be eaten up
g really thought it was Smith,"
The doctor replied with word and a
blow alternately:
- 1t makes no difference; for all present
purposes, consider me Smith"
And it is said, Old Bolus gave Jones
such a poundiug, then and there, as prob
ably prevented his ever makirg another
mistake as 90 personal identity--at least on
the College Campus. ~
! \ LARGE Flsu-Uld Joe Phillips was
an awful story,tcllcr. When a stranger
came TO his tavern, if he appca: ID at all
crcdulous, old Joe would tell a long ynm
to his village acquaintance, but talk at the
stranger. y short time since stranger
came into his barroom, With rod, line, and
other fishing paraphcrnilia, when Joe sciz-
cd friend, and started himby the question:
"Did you hear about that big fish COL
Potter caught in the rivcr2"
The stranger pricked up lis cars. Joe
and his friend, talked ON after this stylc.,
No. said the friend, in answer to.Joc's
! question.
biggest sturgeon that ever was caught
anywhere"
:" You don't say ~
:" Yes, when | came away he hadn't
caught all ofhim, although he had about
six feet of liin ashore"
-" Gracious how much did it weigh 2'',
1 2" Three hundred pounds aud he mndc
nine barrels Of oil"
| "Ninc barrels of oil?' inquiring the
stranger, advancing, did you say nine
barrels 2" y.t
"Ycs," said Joe, fercely, " said nine
barrels. Is that anything strange, sir?"
>"Oh, no, beg pardon" said the stran-
| ger, musingly " only | was thinking it a
little singular that you could extract twenty
seven hundred pounds of oil from three
hundred pounds of fish, and, gathering
up his fishing utensils, he left.
I ltoLp on, BOYS Ys.--lIOld en- to your
tongue when you are just ready to swear,
lie, or speak harshly, or say any improper
word. 2;
Hold on to your hand when you are
about to strike, pinch, scratch, steal, or do
any improper act.
1 Hold on to your foot when you are on
tie point of kicking, running away from
study, orpursuing the path of error, shame,
or crime. 1 Hf
Hold on to your temper when you arc
ongry, excited, or imposed upon, or others
are angry about you, =
j. Hold on to your heart when evil associ-
atcs seek your company and invite you to
join in their games, mirth, and rcvclry. Z
! Hold on to yourgood name at tall times
for it is more valuable to you than gold,
high places, or fashionable attire.
Hold on to the truth, for it will serve
well, end dc you sood throughout eternity.
I Hold on to your vmtge--itis above all
1 price to you, in all times and paccs. s-- r,
| Hold ON TO your good character, for it is,
and ever wi II be, Your best wealth
t - - 49, '.-.