The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1859-08-24
MISCELLANEOUS.
ssThings are Checkered.n

'checkered.' The expression is a very COM |
mon one. Almost everybody has heard it,
but few know its origin.
One night, while going up the Hudson,
in company with the renowned Dick Sands |
who is as great a yarn spinner as he was
daring performer and as he is manager
some half a dozen of us We're gathered in |
the freight clerks office, chatting and dis |
cussing the quality of some Bourbon which !
was nothing else when Dick, who is occa-
sionallyin the habit of making a few re
marks when he is in voice. gave the fol-
lowing as the origin of the popular express
ion we have alluded to. It is impossible
to write the story as he told it; his style
can't be put into print, and the story must,
Of course lose something at our hands in
consequence:
Just after the great fight between Hyer
and Sullivan Dick comm snced, the friends
Of Tom were in the habit ofmeetng in Dick
platt's saloon, under what is now Wallack's
theater, while the partisans Of Sullivan con-
gregated farther up town, at another saloon
AT these places all, or nearly all Of the pro-
nlnent fighting men and sports might be
found nightly, and all Of the news of the
day in which fancy was particularly inter-
ested might be picked up. One evening,
when the party at Dick Platt's was unusu-
ally large, Hyer himself being present, and
while they were talking of various subjects
of interest, over an occasional tod, the door
suddenly opened, and small man neatly
dressed, in the fash style of the day, and
with a wildness of expression in his eye,
entered the room and slammed the door af-
ter him. Walked up to the bar, hardly
noticed by the crowd, and calling for some
brandy and water, took drink, and turn
ing his back to the counter, surveyed the
party. Then stepping out into the room,
he exclaimed, throwing out his arms
Things are checkered
Everybody turned to look at him. Some
laughed and Others looked surprised. 4
tell you,' the little man went on tell
you, gentlemen, things are checkered -
They don't make them as they used to.
and you can't tell who's who! Things are
checkered? They are, byn And
with rapid stride he commenced pacing up
and down.
''What's the matter sonny ~ saifscne Of
the fighters of the party. who's hurt
you! Go home to your mother!'
81 tell you, gentlemen" again said the
little man, stopping and looking around
him, ''things are checkered and you don't
know who's who! Look at me! I'm
little man-weigh just one hundred and
twenty-eight pounds, and feel so good
can taste myself! Where's your fighters
Bring on your fighters! l only weigh a
hundred and twenty pounds, and
tell you things are checkered And
the little man threw his arms about like an
insane windmill.
One Of the party, a large, broad Shout
dercd, bullet-headed bruiser, who bore about
his 6gure-head the scars Of many an en-
counter, now went up to him, and laying
his hand on his shoulder, said in slangy
way: "Dry up, will you?-say! What
are you missin' about ?--say! You don't
want to fight nobody! Go and lay down
you'll get hurt sure!'
81 tell you,' again exclaimed the little
fellow, as he turned away without needing
the remarks addressed to him--I tell you
things are checkered! They don't make
'cm as they used to. You can't tell who s
who, and sugar tastes Just like lnolasses
Where's your fighters? Fetch 'em in!
only weigh hundred and twenty eight
pounds, but Tn nasty cuss, andlcan lick
anything that walks, and don't make
any discount for cash! Look at me-
There amt nothing of me! I'm light papers,
am, but feel so good I can taste it, and
things are mighty checkeredv' And up
and down, up and down the floor he paced,
ranting like a young war-horse, enchanting
every Where's your fighters
II thought should find 'em here -
"Oh, stop your blowing!' 'sDry up -
Skinner down. SEQ to your hole 70
came from divers of the party, who began
to be bored by such demonstration but
still the little man paced up and down and
still he insisted that things were checker
ed"
Finding that words were of no avail, the
same bullet-headed gentleman who had
spoken before, now went up to the little
man, and with his open hand struck him a
smart slap on his cheek. The little man
stopped dead STILL His eyes glowed like two
electric sparks, and taking step backward
he stopped for a moment and crouched like
a tiger then, springing forward and upward
like lightning, he planted his fist square
between the eyes Of the man who had struck
him. As though it had been shot out of .
gun, the stalwart form Of the bruiser landed
In the farthest corner of the room Quick
er than lightning the little man sprang for
ward, and ere his antagonist could attempt
to rise, went at him with fists, feet and
teeth, and nails pounding, kicking, biting.
scratching-noW one at time. then all to-
gether-while the lookers-on stood mute
and motionless, 50 surprised that they for.
got to interfere.
At last, throwing all his force into one
powerful blow, he dashed his fist down in
to the already mangled face Of his victim ;
then rose, and throwing up his arms, he
shouted-"I tell you gentlemen, they don't
make 'ein as they used to! only weigh
hundred and twenty -eight pounds. but
vinegar tastes just like molasses, and I tell
you things are checkered, by r,
BY this time he had gained the door. and
!, quickly mounted the steps. Tom Hyer was
after him in moment, but by the time he
reached the sidewalk, the little man had dis.
appeared. Giving look up and down the
street, Hyer returned to the bar-room.
There 10y the used-up bruiser. with his
head on the knee Of one Of his friends,
while the crowd stood BY not entirely re.
covered from their surprise. "Are YOU
hurt Z" sid Tom, going to the man, "Are
you hurt" "Hurti'' groancd the bruiser,
TIM struck by lightningr HWell, gen
e.men, = exclaimed Tom, 'I'm If things
ant checkered. Let's take drink p
he little man has never been recognized
~ any Of the party from that hour to this
and who he was, where he came from, OF
WHARF he went to, remains . mystery 10 this
day; but there Is not one Of tie nartv who
willnot, when he thinks Of tho circumstances
acknowledge that fittings are checkered.'