Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1859-06-02
An Amateur PhrcnoIogist.

Our neighbor, Col. s., tells q
capital story ofa certain wag in Erie Penn.
q jolly publican who contributes good
deal to the life Of that pleasant but some
times very obstinate borough. One morn
ing . travelling Phrenologist arrived at his
inn and took up lodgings. The next day
in the village paper appeared an advertise
meut, stating that Professor B. was
in Erie, and would make, sfor considers
tion," examinations of the heads of the cit
izens, and accompany the same with an &C
curate, reliable chart of character. For
three or four days the calls were scarce;
but on the fifth day there was . rush Of
five or six to the apartments of the Pro-
fessor.
One morning a eountryman entered the
inn where the Phrenologist had bis rooms,
and said to the landlord Aforesaid
ais this the place where the Phrenolo-
gist holds out, who can tell mans karac-
ter BY the buns onto his skulli
ayes" replied Boniface, with reserved
aud dignified manner.
"Wal, l want my potato trap looked in
to little. Where is the man? Z"
~ am the man." said the landlord.
"ohl you be, ehi Wal, put in; feel
o my bump, and gin up map. What's
the swindle!"
HThere is no swindle, sir. Phrenology
is a science, sir-a liberal science"
10 yes-'spect so; but what's the ep-
rie or feelin' felier's headf7
"Oue dollar, with chart"
HWal 60 it. What do do-lie down
or set up? Does il hurt!'
"Nos in the least, sir; take your sea: in
that chair"
There were four or FIVE more loungers
in the tavern, who checked laugh as the
countryman took bis seat, having first, As
requested, removed hiscoat, vest, and neck
cloth. The wag of landlord ran bis
hands through the hair of the "patieHt,
for moment, and then said to the bar ten
der:
aMr. Flipkins, take sheet of paper,
draw four lines Down the whole length,
and put down my figures under the head
l mention to you" It was done. @Have
you got it?"
"Yes, all right"
avery WELL" said tho landlord, who
went on with an examination which was
rougher, perhaps, than there was any ne
eessi,y for, 4put down Philoprogenitive-
ness, sixty.
"Down sir"
avery well. Reverence, two"
"Booked, sir"
"Comparativeness, two hundred"
"What's that ." said the victim.
"No matter, sir; you will see on the
chart.
"Caution, one"
"Credulty, fourhundred!"
"What's the last bumpa" asked the pa
tient.
'.Neyer mind, now; you'll understand
it, by and by. And now, ito the barkeep-
er,) Mr.. Filpkins, you've put these in sep
ate ealumns, as usual!
"Yes SIR"
"Vesy well; add 'em up"
"Add 'em u-u-p-p!' exclaimed the Phre-
biological subject; ''is that the way you
dot"
a0fc-o-u-r-s e! How else could we get
our balance of mind-of intellect"
sWal, go head!'
aHow does it Daboll, Mr.. Flipkins."
"The three columns are equal-foot up
precisely the samep
The lasdlord looked solemnly and SYM
pathizingly towards his subject; at is
very strange" said be, sbut it is so. Phre-
noiogy never lies. You have no predomi-
nant character, sir; you have no inteIlec-
tual status; you don't know anything sir.
Excuse me, sir, but must state the truth,
whether you take chart or not; but sir,
if there is any truth in Phrenology, you
are d-ns fool Under the circumstan-
ces, sir, I can scarcely expect you to keep
the chart, which you have contracted for;
that is 9 matter of small consequence, as
it viii be valuable illustration of q unique
species, which can use in my lectures.--
authenticate all my lectures with real
name and residence. The charge of de-
ception in science, is one which was never
brought against me, and never will be,
sir-NEvERw
"oh! never mind; give US the map"
said the subject; "here's the swindle, for
it is swindle; but I'd rather pay il than
to have you going round the country
maxim fool of me every where else as you
have here--you blasted philoprogenitiys
humbug, your
With this explosion, the subject retired.