The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-05-07

mind, and knowing by long experience th''
confined thoughts, like explosive gases, mus
vent, and fearing that some more violent
remarks might be shot at me like pellet
from gun, replied:
sTrue my dear, know that the grocer
will only be satisfied with gold or its equiva'
lent, which he is much better able to appre.
ciate than purity of intention, and loftiness
of soul, and fortunately for him it is much
more plentiful in the market, though scarce
enoug h with us. But for all that, we have
untold treasures, if we did but know it."
sThey must be untold for never heard Of
them before. If you have such On abun.
dance, wish you would spare me enough
to buy that black six dress you promised
me so long ago.
1t is not to be inferred from this remark
that my wife is prone to extravaganza II
her taste or habits. She is usually conteD
with plain and modest attire.
She has never hidden herself in the recess
es of u whalebone pyramid, nor submitted
to the modern species of female coopcrage
for as she playfully remarks, anybody car
see that am a tub without being hooped.'
(She weighs two hundred and one pounds
avoirdupois. mo unpaid milliaer's bill
haunts her waking hours, (or mine.) NJ
needy dressmaker rises up in judgment
against her. Her bonnet is much too large
for our youngest daughter, aged eight years
and really seems designed for use as well az
ornament: and from my long acquaintance
with her am satisfied that she has some.
thing in her head worth protecting, unlike
those ladies who patronize curtailed bonnets
with more ribbon than comfort.
c.,l1.
our young female friends on the frivolitIe:
and the extravaganza of the age, although
she contends that the men are as much tc
blame for it as women. Of course, never
assent to this proposition, and that leads tc
q friendly argument, from which, in my
opinion, l always gain the advantage
though am occasionally overborne by a
torrent of words, especially when some
friendly neighbor espouses my wife's side ol
the question. In such instances beat q
hasty retreat, and watch my opportunity
Tor new attack upon the position Of the
enemy under more favorable auspices.
My wife detests fcunces, (she is too stout
to wear them) has no hankering after smoire
antique and knows only of 'Honton,' by
having seen it mentioned in our paper. To
bcsure she doesn't b ievc all the criticisms
upon the fashions which she sees in that pa
per, and she even goes so far as to say that
she does not believe that the editor himself
has any faith in them.
But the black silk dress. Some years
ago, under the influence Of an excess oil
affection, and dclusion in regard to my
financial prospects, made rash promise
to purchase such an article, for her especial
use and adornment, but had coupled the
promise with the important proviso 'some
time.' We had previously canvassed the
merits of calicoes, cashmeres, silks anC
satins, and have decided that one good silk
dress was worth half dozen of any of the
others; not only for its present purpose.
but as being moro available in its latter
stages, for the decoration of the young
scions of our house, and Il sly hint Wa:
thrown out that spare breadth out Of thu
skirt might be very useful in refacing any
coat of mine that might happen to stand il
need of such an operation.
The some time,' alluded to, had not ye
arrived, and from present appearance is a>
far off as when it was first made. Still i
fingers in my wiie's memory, and she occa
sionally brings it to my mind, among many
other unfulilled promises.
! 'ln regard to the dress you may depend
upon having it sometime; but the treasure:
of which l was speaking are not exactly
available for that purpose at present.
replied; 'but can easily convince you tina
We are possessed of them. Are there moi
seven rosy checked chcrubs, at least vol
call them so when they are not in mischief
now sleeping in happy unconsciousness Of
money and its attendant evils each one oi
~ -, al
YOU say so many time. Now, at Il moder
ate estimate, they will average fifty pounds
each. Even California gold is worth two
hundred dollars \ pound, which accordin;
to simple multiplication makes seventy thou
sand dollars worth of these little heavenly
bodies alone.'
! Nonsense, Pcrsey-'
'Oh! bu. it isn't nonsense. There it i
figured ou. according to your own estimate
and very pretty little sum it makes to begin
the world with. Now, my dear, what is IN,
love worth =
! This was poser. My wife looked il
upon haze of blank astorShmcn,, cas- hcl
mind grasped the idea, and trcmblcd fol-
fear she mi Sht say nothing, and thus over.
turn the whole groundwork of my theory
But as soon as she had swallowed the idea
and mentally digested it, she said
Why don't you ask me what the air i
worth p for could dispense with one a
we'll as the other.'
thanked my wife for the compliment, anc
congratulated my self that she had drawn ne
worse comparison than between my love anC
the mir, and continued
"Well, then what do you consider the all
worth?'
q shan't answer such foolish question
for if you 60 on with your calculations, yor
will make US out milllonaires.'
'That's what intended to do; | think
am safe in putting down the love at hun
dred thousand. Then there is my honor
which is worth rs much as the love-
'I've no doubt of it, interrupted my
wife.
sFor you wouldn't value the one withou
the other. So there you have the sum tota
of three items alone cherubs, seventy
thousand; love q hundred thousand; anC
honor as much more; making the snug sun
of more than a quarter of million of dol
lars, to say nothing of other items thai
might be mentioned, and which would, per.
haps, double that amount, besides clsh or
hand amounting to one dollar and sever nteer
cents.'
Ipaused here, for my wife to appreciate
the full force of my reasoning, (she is littl,
slow at fgures) and when she had time tc
turn the subject in her mind, asked
'What have you to say to that?'
'All have to say to that,' replied my
wife, SIS, that wouldn't advise YOU to built
up carriage on the strength Of your prop.
erty. And if thought we were worth ,
quarter of that sum, | wouldn't mend sucl
bad looking stocking as this Saying
which, she held up stocking belonging tt
our eldest girl, minus the heel and two
thirds of the toe, with large rent near thu
top Of the leg.
'And then looked at that, and that ant
that she continued, as she successivel,
presented for my inspection the variou:
articles which constituted the juvenile ward
robe; and must say that seen through tha
medium my imposing array of figures seemed
scarcely large enough to fill one of tn,
smallest rents among the multitude. Still
l fondly hoped that my calculations had .
tendency to raise my wife's spirits, and
was unwilling that she should sink bacl
into that slough of darning needles an,
yarn: So continued my remarks on tn,