The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-01-15
THE ART OF LIVING WITH OTHERS.


happily together, they must not fancy be-
cause they are thrown together now, that
all their lives have been exactly similar up
to the present time, tha; they started exact
ly alike, and that they are to be for the
future Of the same mind. A thorough con-
viction Of the difference of men is the great
thing to be assured of in social knowledge ::
it is to life what Ncwton's law is to astron-
omy. Sometimes man have a know ledge Of
it with regard to the world in general they
do not expect the outer world to agree with
them in all points, but are vcxed at not be-
ing able te drive their own tastes and opin-
] ions into those they live with. Diversties
distress them. They will not see that there
are many forms of virtue and wisdom. Yet
we might as well say, 'why all these stars :;
why this difference: why not all one star =
Many of the rules for people living to-
gcthcr in peace follow from the above. For
instance not to interfere unrcasonably with
others, not to ridiculc their tastes, not to
question and rc-question their resolves, not
to indulge in perpetual comment on their
proceedings, and to delight in their having
other pursuits than ours, all are based upon
4 thorough perception of the simple fact
that they are MOTIVE.
Anotherrule for living happily with others
is to avoid having stock subjects of dispu-
tation. 1t mostly happens, when people
live much together that they come to have
certain set topics, around which, from fre-
qucnt dispute, there is such growth Of
angry words, mortified vanity, and the like,
that the original subject of difference be-
comes standing subject of quarrel and
there is tendency in all minor disputes to
drift down it.
Again, if people wish to live we'll to-
gcther, they must not hold too much to log
ic, and suppose that everything is to be
settled by sufficient reason. DR.. johnson
saw this clearly with regard to married
people when he sad. 'Wretched would be
| the pair above all names of wretchcdness
who should be doomed to adjust by reason.
! every morning, all tho minute details of n
domestic day. But the application should
be much moro general than he made it.
There is no time for such reasonings, and
nothing that is worth them. And when VIC
contending, and that there is no end Of one.
sided reasoning on any subject, we shall
not be sure that such contention is the best
mode of arriving at truth but certainly i,
| is not the way to arrive at good temper.
avoid unnecessary criticism upou those with
whom you live. The number of people who
have taken out Judges patents for them
sclyes is very large in any society. Now, il
woAld be hard for Il man to live with an
other who is always criticising his actions.
even if it were kindly and just criticism.-
Itwould be like living between the glasse,
of a microscope. But these self elected
nd
the persons they judge brought before then
in the guse of Gu prits. One Of the mos
provoking forms of the criticism above al
luded to is that which may be consutcd.'-
'llad you listened to me'-'But you Away!
willard such short scraps of sentences
may remind many of us Of dissertations
which we have suiierd and inflicted, and Of
which we cannot cali to mind any soothing
effect.
Another rule is, not to let familart,
swallow up all courtesy. Many of us have
a habit of saying to those with whom we liv,
such things as we say about strangers be
hind their backs. There is no place, how
ever, where real politcness is of more valu
than where we mostly think it would be su
pcriuous. You say more truth, or rattle
speak out more to your associates, bu
not less courteously than you do to stran
gers.
Again: we must not expect more from tn
society of our friends and companions tha,
it can give; and especially must not expec
contrary things. 1t is somewhat arrogan
to talk of travelling over other minds, min,
being, for what We know, infinite but still
We become familiar with the upper views
tastes and tempers of our associates, and it i
hardly in man to estimate justly what is fa
miliar to him. In travelling along at night, a
Iiaslitt says, we catch glimpse into cheer
full looking rooms, with light blazing in then,
and we conclude invountarily how happ
the inmates must be. Yet there is heave
and hell in these rooms, the sans heave
and he'll that We have known in others.