Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1859-04-27
to Temperance, Literature and
Surface friendships.

Il lnliih Tx AiAelI1dCy HiCl IL DSSOltCh O'0A
the wine bottle, has no heart.-THAcKERAY.
Truth and well said, Mr.. Thackeray. He
but speaks out the secret convictions of eve
ry man who has tested the true character of
those intimacies or friendships formed by the
mere commingling of what is called tashiOna-
ole society, around the festive board, in the
giddy dance, over sparkling wine or at the
gambling table. 1t has no heart" in it.
And why should it? Perhaps, here, such
surface friends first met. The excitement of
the occasion and the observance of the mere
etiquette of the hour, left no room for a look
into the inner man-no insight into the real
characters of the parties, and the conversa-
ton turned upon such frivolous matters, as
to hide from the view the moral complexion
of their principles. "He's a jovial fellow"
says one. eyes, quite a clever companion
says another and a third exclaims, "How
liberal and ingenious /" Yes, but under that
gay exterior, there is often no soul. He per-
haps wants to use you; and he is your friend,
if he can. But what if you cannot serve his
purpose with you? What if your purse gives
out, or your resources for his amusement and
sensual qualification are wasted Does he
: know you ever after?
| Such is the tether of such friendships
r Real esteem, which lasts long enough to be
r valuable, must be based upon a knowledge of
S ones character, obtained by intimate acquain-
lance of the everyday life. There must be
an analysis of the moral feelings and the in
ner portrait of man or woman, to love or es-
TEEN. Congeniality of sentiment, oneness
e of aim, a generous commingling of the fibres
d of affection, are necessary, to make a friend
= that will stick to you. We suspect the friend
Il ship of a man who is ever eager to join US in
II a glass of wine, or while away an hour at
g cards, or to meet US at the soiree, or the hop,
but who never has room for us, however con-
venient, around his own hearthstone, with
i his own wife and children. He may seem to
80 be glad to meet hs on change, or at the sa-
As loon, or even at his own sOiree or party, but if
ol we can't see him at home; if he never has
u the disposition to have a plate for us at his
~ table in the midst of his family, we cannot
~ place him on our register of friends. And
N WHY? Because we can't knoao him. He may
: be lavish in his protestations of friendship,
he may offer us his purse, he may lend us
al ms iiaine anu 0o "
but still he is our acquaintance, not ON
friend. When the test period comes, sucl
nj
:. an one will look for us to SERGE him, at any
), sacrifice Of principle or honor. He was kim
to US. with erpectati0n-a friend to us, will
: an eye to ~windward.
ew Not so with friendships based upon rea
the esteem. No unnatural excitement produce
md them, hence such friends show themselvc
ill, friendly, expecting, to-be-sure, that such act
ore will be recinrocated. but not for the pu7p0S
in of securing them. They are the spontaneou
To- exhibitions of friendship not grudgingly b.
slowed, upon one kn0aCn to be worthy
.qe, When a surface friend is disappointed l
tier your refusal to serve him at any cost, an
af sacrifice, he upbraids you with ingratitud
the enumerates to crowds the many favors he h
dis bestowed on you, and labors to blast yol
the reputation. When your ability to serve hi
is gone, he is gone as quickly. But disa
point a true friend ina reasonable demand, al
he is ready to make an excuse for you-hol
. to on to you, through veal or woe, until pro
are as strong as Holy writ is given of your in
en- deity, then he laments your fate, and quiet
says, "Alas! poor human nature"