Smyrna times., 1859-04-07
II U III o R o U S.


principal actor being merchant
Time, about ii u. m. Enter Mr.. T., looking
very much like an injured man. Stepping up
to one of the clerks:
f "SIr! wish my tax bill altered as it is out
rageous the way you have put it on this year"
Glerk-Qooking at the blD, | do not see that
it is any out of the way. Would you like to
sell at the price named in the bill!
MIR. T.-NO, sir IL think would not
sell for that.
Clerk-Will you sell if add twenty-five
hundred dollars to it!
Mr.. T.-Gndgnan). No, sir! | did not
come here to sell my property.
Clcrk-(winLing at some of the by-standers)
MIR. L will you be kind enough 10 tell me the
time of day!
Mr. T.-TakiDg out a large gold watch tells
him the time of day.
Clcrk-Mr. T., that is a magnificent watch
OF yours lflt is not lmpertinent, what did you
pay for ii!
Mir. T-(proudly). That, sir! cost me two
hundred and fifty dolars
Clerk-Ah, indeed (running his finger over
the tax bI), Mr. H., do not see that on your
tax bull | will just put that on!
The roar which succeeded may be ina gned
Mr.. T., making bee.lne for the door, was
angry, and the by ISLANDERS were much amused.
1t is TO hoped that Mr.. r. will be sure that
he is not Datched when he goes 10 pay his taxes
next year.
A SNOWMAN " SOLD '-Showmen, as gen.
eral rule, are t0leTaby sharp" and it is no
easy matter to overreach them bat when they
are tuoied 1t is a matter OF great amusement to
those present. | was a witness to one Of the
best . sells " of the kind | have ever heard of.
Last summer, there was an exhibition in a
tent, on one of our public lots-a sort of me-
nagerc on Il small scale. Before the entrance
TO the tent, the proprietor was boastng of the
Innumcrable wonders to be seen for a shilling,
to considerable crowd. While in the midst
OF speech overtlowing with large words, be
was somewhat summarily interrupted by the
following exclamation from man near him,
who had a boy with him:
"Ill bet you five you cannot let me see
that lion!'
Doae." said the Snowman, eagerly. "Put
; up your money"
The man placed ive-dollar bill in the hand
OF by-stauder, and the Snowman, counting out
the cnange, did the same.
"Now walk this way" said the Snowman !;
"and I'll convince your
The man and his little boy followed him into
the tent the whole crowd following.
"There - said the Snowman. trlumphantly.
; Look IN that corner, at that beautiful NumIdi-
; an lon!"
"Wherc, asked the man, looking in every di-
recton but the right one.
Why, there!" was the astonished reply.
81 don't see any" responded the other
What's the matter with you I" asked the
Snowman, who began to smell very large
u mice"
"Fm blind!" was the gr.nning reply.
That Snowman was very industriously EN-
plnyed in turning out the crowd, for the nexl
few minutes, while the blind man pockeled The
=" stakes, and went his way.
}: A COLLEGE JoHE-Not long while ago,
e company of Sophs," wishing to play Joke
e upon certain professor-liked for his humor
e and equally respected for his high fame as
=, scholar; bnt who, hitherto, had turned the ia
d bles upon all who had attempted to nonplu
him-in the small hours of one night, WORKED
with might and main, and finally succeeded il
getting Into the professors recitation room. Oh
: the fourth floor, very obstinate, and equal,
u long cared mule, where they fastened it in un
> til morning.
= Well, in the morning. the hour of recitation
* came, and as the professor was proceeding u
> stairs to his room, he was met by the janitor
IL who told him the tact-that " there was
J. donkey in his room"
" HHWi TcpIeu lne pTOIeSSOT, ~ only one !!
III There was no recitation that morning!
ST CIRCUMsTANTIAL EyIDENCE.-Joe Brace wa
in farmers son, IN the town Of W, and b
Sc his tricks, and games, and wild pranks. cause
IN his watchful "parient' no little trouble some
re times. 1t happened, on one occasion, tina
q, Master Joe was caught in some misdemeano
H. and at a punishment for the same, had bee
re compelled 10 hoe in the corn- field until sue
m, time as said "paren:" should Judge proper iht
~ he should be released. Joe, like a dmtiful So
y took his hoe, and slraightway commenced sa
W. havoc among The weeds which Obstrucied II
growth of the corn. Dinner-time came al
passed by, and still no call for poor Joe who b.
m. gan to think his punishment was greater lh0
he could bear ;" but still he toiled on, expec
ing every moment 10 hear the summons whIC
would release him, for time, at least, from
II task. But there was no such good luck for hit
IN. The old man determined he should " sweat
80 out" as he termed il; aud stretching himsC
il0 on the lounge in the back room, was soon ia
asleep. Joe labored faithfully till near thr
20 o'clock, when, hunger getting the better
duty, he resolved to obtain something TO " ST
30 his stomach" at all hazards. So, dropping
hoe, he s;eered cautiously for the house, a
ll2 entering the back door unobserved, succeed
36l in reaching the pantry without deieclion-t
$40 old man being asleep, and the other portion
The household being engaged with some CO
294 pany in the front part of the house, who had
100 rived few moments before. On entering,
500 commenced an attack on a mnce pie, that Ii
$50 been set before the window to cool, being j
from the oven. When he had about half
m0lished the pie, and was thinking. of so
lG5 means 10 escape detection, his medlatlC
,nly were disturbed by something coming in cont
tho with his limbs. On looking down, he saw
49, favorite pussy, who had stolen in at the dc
'"0 aud was rubbing herself and purrng, as if
IN pressing her entlre satisfaction at the proce
ing. On perceivIng her, he thought of p
which he put Immediately into execution
hio. Graspng her fore legs, he dabbed them ab
,ers IN the remaining part Of the pie, and plac
ere, her o" Tue shel ie't tne pah'ry, 'he cat Jui