davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

80 At wedding anniversary that
was held by farmer Barrowteld, at his
hospitable Grange near Cherriton, Eng
land, considerable CONSERVATION was
produced amongst guests by the first
course of the dinner consisting of only
one turnip. Merriment however, soon
succeeded on splendid goose, weigh
ing exactly sixteen pounds, being found
to be slowed inside the monster veoe-
table. Such a turnip was probably
never seen before! Potatoes, apple
sauce, gravy, French beans, all found
ample accommodation within its roomv
interior. The desert, including a
watermelon, was served up in another
turnip, scarcely inferior in size to it's
predecessor. The company separated
at a late hour in a state Of the greatest
hilaritv.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

gI ''Ah, Pat, Pat said q school
mistress to a thick headed urchin, into
whose muddy brain she was attempt
ing to beat the alphabet, u am afraid
you will never learn anything. Now,
what's that letter, ell p
"Shure and don't know, ma'am,'
replied Pat,
"Thought you might have remem-
bered that"
"Why, ma'am?"
"Because it has dot over the top
of it,
"Och, ma am, I mind it well, bat
sure I thought it was fly speck.' ,
"W ell, now, remember, Pat, it's l.
"Iou, ma'am?'
S'No, no, not [, but T.
"Not |, but you, ma am-hoW's that:"
''Not /, but you, blockhead."
"Och, yis, faith now I have it ma'a'n.
You mean to say that not but YOU are
a blockhead."
'Fool! fool = exclaimed the peda-
goguess, almost bursting with rage.
'Jest as you please" )" quietly returned
Pat, ''fool or bIockhead-it's 10 mat
ter as long as yer free to own it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

- \ son ofthe Emerald Isle meet
ing a countryn2an whose faca was not
perfectly remembered, after saluting
him most cordially, inquired his name.
''Walsh," was the answer.
''Walsh, Walsh, responded Paddy
-''are We not from Doublin: ] knew
two old maids there ofthat name-was
either of them Yer mother -
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01
~ An impatient Welshman called

~ An impatient Welshman called
to his wife. ''Come, come: isn't break
fast ready? I've had nathing since
yesterday, and tomorrow VIII be the
third day
This is equal to the call of the stir
ring housewife, who aroused her maid
at four o'clock, with
'Come Bridget, get up. Here It's
Monday morning. To-mofrov's Tues
day-ncxt days Wednesdav-haf the
week gone and nothing. done vet
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

APHoR1sN.--Every man has just as
much vanity as he lacks understanding.
10 be angry, is to avenge the fault
OF others upon ourselves.
a man should never be ashamed to
own he has been in the wrong; which
is but saying, i'll other words. that he is
wiser to-day than he was yesterday.
To relieve the oppressed is the most
glorious act man is capable Of; it is
in some measure doing the business Of
God and Providence.
An excuse is worse and more terri
bic than lie: for sn excuse is ? lie
guarded
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01
From the Ogdensburgh Daily Sentinel.
VIM. H. Seward.

1t Is curious fact in the politics of
this country, that every few years it be-
comes necessary, in order to ensure the
success Of small politicians to kill off
our public men. Sometimes these at
tempts are quite successful, as in the
case of Gen Cass, whose body was sent
home by way of the lakes; Gen. Scott,
who perished from the scalding effects
Of a hasty plate Of soup and q damag-
ing fire in the rear; Harry Clay, who
went down under the Alabama letter;
Calhoun, who was fretted to death try
ing to preserve an equilibrium; and the
Good like" Daniel Webster, who was
stunted in his political growth in the
Hartford Convention, and died off from
a tilt at nomination which he charac-
terizcd as mot fit to be made" But
occasionally We have statesmen who
cannot be so easily got rid of, and who
live OF, Notwithstanding the desperate
attempts to kill them Oft, and who re-
turn again and again to torment and
defeat their yillitiers and pursuers.-
Among this latter class, William H.
Seward stands pre-eminent. During
twenty five years he has said and done
great many things which were to con-
fine bis political body to oblivion but
somehow or other, before the time ap-
pointed fer the funeral, it has been dis
covered that he was not dead and his
sl?mies have went hoWiing away to
disappointment.
According to the statement Of his Ell
emies, no political man i'll the country
has made SO many political blunders as
William ii. Seward, vet under all these
adverse circumstances he has gradually
risen from comparative bscurity to the
front rank Of statesman in the word.-
But Mr.. Seward, if we may credit the
Democratic Journals, has gone and kill
ed himself outright, by making an Ab-
clifton speech at Rochester, and utter
ing sentiments at war upon the institU-
tons Of one half Of these States. The
way Mr.. s. did this naughty thing was
by expressing as his opinion that the
whole Of these States would ii the end
be free or slaycholding. We must con-
iess that We see nothing terrible OF war
like lii that, and il anybody anticipates
strife from anything Mr.. Seward has
said, we recommend them to read Sen
ator iiammond>s $ South Carolina speech.
If that does not quiet their nerves, they
might elnigrate till after the struggle.
The truth Of the matter is, the oprosi-
ton to lir. S. regard him as the great
bull in the China shop, and every time
be opens his mouth they scatter in every
directio3, crying that he has killed
hinaseL6 ''a1ad scjH 5e otter as nert," al
assertion IS ridiculous as absurd.--
Mr.. S. Is a bold, fearless, public man,
who strikes for truth, on all occasions
and in ali places, without waiting to III
quire whether it will bring faWns OF
trOWns.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

Sally Grubbins." of ''fladelfa.

L" Sally Grubbins," Of ''fladelfa, :"
wishes to get marrieds her card speaks
for itself:
g 4 Husband Wmated.-By a yung
Iaideye Of inkonsiderable pursonal de-
fractions and good edikashun. She is
under so years Of aig, and of taul del
icate flyer. She has very fine i, hay
ing lost the 'tother buy an orful fit of
slnaul pocks, her Accomplishments is
whistling with great power and sweet
ness, and plantin tators. She has been
takin lessons in bocksin, and she is will
ling to Civ ampil proofs TO hoosoever
marries her, Appi at maree street FL
adelfa."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

SuAEr BoY.-''Welly whose pigs are
those?:'
"Old sov'S Sir
"W hose SOW is it,"
cold mans, Sir
''N ell, then, who is your old man p
''Ifyou,l9 mind the pigs, I'll run home
and ask the old woman
"Neyer mind sonny, I want smart
boy-what can you do?''
Il can milk the geese, ride the grass
hoppers, light fires for flies to court by,
cut the buttons off dads coat when he
is at prayers, keep tally for dad and
mann when they scold at mark-old
woman is always ahead.n s-1="a a.e
'SGot any brothers -
''Lots Of 'crn-all named Bill except
Bob, and his names SAMMY names
Larry, but they call me Lawrence for
sh0rtneSs."
"N eli, you are too smart for me-"
'Trayel on old stick-in-the-nud,
shan't hire YOU for p boss to-day"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

AHECDoTE OF PRoF. MORSE. Lieut..
1laury, during the delivery Of his lee
ture on the Atlantic Telegraph, at
Cleveland, Thursday night, related the
following anecdote Of Prof Morse,
while engaged in perfecting his first
telegraph line, between Washington
and Baltimore. The report is from the
Hsra45::
Mr.. lEorse's first idea was to lay his
wire under ground, aud accordingly he
had built a heavy plow to make the
furrow. Mr.. NJ, as he proceeded, ell
countered insuperable difficulties rea-
tive to the insulation Of the wires. lie
found he must abandon the under
ground plan and pat the wires OH poles.
But what excuse should be given for
the stoppage Of bis present work until
he could set the poles and string the
wires: Without some excuse he
feared an entire Withdrawal Of conf
dence and Of the Congressional appro-
priation. He told his dilemma to his
plowman. 'Dr. do yon see that stump
right in our path % ''Ycsn' "WeiI
Dr.. if this plow, drawn by this strong
team, comes in contact with that
stump, it is q used up plow, and the
work must stop until the plow is repair
cd" "Go ahead" said DR.. Morse.
The team did go ahead and the plow
was used up on the stump, and the
work Of laying the wire under ground
had to stop until the plow could be
mended-and the plow is not repaired
vet.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01
The NAVAJO TRIBE OF INDtANs:-
An officer in the army of New Mexico

mus writes respecting this tribe:
The present population-the Navajo
1udians-is rather a combination of the
savage and the partially civilized be-
lngt Many Of their habits, especially
III dress, are nomadic, while some of
their pursuits are intelligent and useful.
They have no religion. Their super
stitlons point to some of the heavenly
bodies as objects Of worship, which is
sometimes performed by dances. The
body, they think, goes to The earth,
and the spirit lives in the air after the
mortal existence. When one dies, he
is quickly thrown into some crevice or
hole, sticks piled on him, his blankets,
trinkets &c, laid upon him, and the
body is there left, inspiring the utmost
dread and fear in the living They
plant and raise great quantities Of corn,
and considerable wheat. They also
grow melons, pumpkins, and have peach
trees, another evidence of more civil
lied life. They raise immense num-
bers Of sheep and goats, and horses
They manufacture the finest and most
durable blankets in the world. The
men greatly respect the women. They
have no government. Property is the
most potential voice in council War
is dreaded by the rich, but courted by
the poor. Their number is about twelve
thousand and increasing Poygamy
exists among them, and they have very
little idea Of chastity. They are cruel,
unprincipled and treachcrous, as ma
ton, but have in them elements for i'm
proyement and cultivation.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

.@ The latest and most wonderful
cure effected by a patent medicine,
recorded, is the following:
"a boy had swallowed silver dol
lar. None Of the faculty could devise
sn alteration; whereupon the inventor
Of patent medicines was sent for. cit
is evidcnt,' said he, ''that SO consider
able q coin can never be forced by any
emetic known to science However,
let him take this pill. and fiattering CON
sequences will be likely to ensue" An
hour afterwards the boy threw up the
dollar, but in small change, principally
i'll five cent pieces.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01

~ Halo, boy did you see a rab-
bit cross the road there just now?n
GA rabbit3''
eyes, be quick, rabbit"
"Was it kinder gray vermint ?"
eyes yes -
"a longish creter, with short tail?"
eyes, quick or he'll gain his burrow. Il
Had it long legs behind, and ears?''
eyes yes !"
And sorter jumps when it runs:"
Yes, | tell You; jumps when itruns."
"feli, | haln't seen such a creter
about here
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01
~ In the trial of Montalenbert

the following scene took place:
On u. Berryer saying that to affirm
that France did Lot now possess liberty
was not an attack upon the govern
ment, but merely the assertion of no
torious and undeniable fact, he was in
terrupted by .@
The President, who said: Maitre
Berryer, the defence is free, as YOU
have seen; but you are now going TOO
far; you are repeating at the bar the
very offence with which NJ. de Monta-
lembert stands charged, and that can
not be permitted.
N. Berryer, with a gesture of elo-
quent astonlshment, continued-'' Must
| then throw up my brief? Have
lost my reason and conscience Do I
understand what the court means p
Can it be that counsel is to be con-
strued as attacking the government,
because he will not say that black is
white? Why it is the boast of the
government that it has bartered liberty
for order, and it has done so, it SAYS.
with the consent of the French people:
and that | am not here to deny. Yes.
France has rcpudiated her own liberty.
That is fact which some people may
and others may not regret; but it is
not rational to hold it an offence in any
one to state q simple fact that liberty
does not now exist
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-01
Paradise in the Eden of her love.

The bride told the bridegroom story
as near the truth as she could, which.
like most women's histories, designed
to shelter themselves, was a model of
ingenuity and miracle of art-with-
out exciting the Othello in his hosom :;
and with a thousand thanks to the Doc
tor, whom the Benedick seemed some
how to regard as the de,iverer of his
consort, they bade him good night.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13
iSTA letter from Florencc. Ilalr. uh!

6FA letter from Florence, I,a'y, where
the King of Prussia is now sojourni"g fol
the benefit of his health, gives the following
ludcrous account of the monnrch's behavior
at the dinner table. The King, Of course
took his pl!ce at the head Of the table, and
deliberately washed bis face in the soup, and
then sat eomplacently smiling on his friends
the long strings OF vermcelli hanging from
his eyes and nose, and in his hair and nous.
tache. No one dared to laugh, however,
and they had to sit out the dinner with this
ridiculous figure head, covered with gravy
(for he sternly refused towels,) talking to
them all the while.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13

COLUMBUS, January 8, 1859.
Meeting Of the Kansas LegisEI-
tNrC.

ST. LOUIS, January 8.-The Kansas Leg
iSlature adjourned to Lawrence with the
sanction Of the Governor. The Committee
on Contested Seats report in favor Of Lewis,
Graham, Allison and Stevenson, in the Sd
district, and Voale from Marshall county,
and the Secretary was directed to administer
the oath, which he refused, when Secreta.
ry pro tenn. was authorized to perform the
act, which which he did. Mr.. Holiday, of
Council, gave notice of bill asking Con.
gross to annex to Kansas all that portion OF
Nebraska south OF Platte river. Bills were
introduced in the House to repeal the bogus
statutes, and abolish slavery.
The Governor, in his message, regrets
the growing disposition in various parts OF
the Union to overrate votes and corrupt the
ballot boxes. He srys that "to the victors
belong the spoils," but they are the spoils
OF patronage given TO power for the public
veal. No one has any reason or right to
complain of the successful party for distri.
buting posts of favor among political friends.
He hints that Kansas may get more liberal
favors from Congress as Territory than as
a State.
The report of the Commissioners appoint.
ed to audit claims, shows the amount pre-.
sented to be upwards of 1901 900, and the
amount awarded $254,OOO, of which $780,.
900 arc of the public class, and $2l5,O00
private.
The Comptroller reports the taxable prop.
erty OF the Territory at $25,00O, 900 the
number of acres Of land sold and pre-empted
is about 3 100000.
The Governor strongly reprehends the
conduct Of persons in Linn and Bourbon
counties. He says he is prepared to unite
with the Assembly, in most cordial man
ner, for the adoption of such measures as
shall restore order, and will bring to their
aid all the power placed at his discretion by
the Executive.
Several papers in Southern Nebraska say
that public sentiment is almoet unanimous
in favor or the annexation Of Kansas.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13

WORKING UP SAwDUsT.-The ingenuity
OF Parisian cabinet-makers, in the Eau.
bourg st. Antoine, has found use for com.
mon sawdust which Uses the value of thai
com modify far above the worth of solid tim.
Der. By new process, combining the by.
draulic press and the application of intense
heat, these wooden PARTICLES are made to
form themselves into solid mass, capa.
BILE Of being moulded into any shape, and
pre- senting brilliant surface, durability
and beauty Of appearance not found in ebony
rosewood, or mahogany.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13

Sr. Louis, Jan. "a dispatch from Kan.
sas City says that gang of "Juy.hawkers',
under Captain Brown, entered Bates county,
Missouri, on Thursday last, and stole four
horses from Jesse Jackson, and also burned
his house down.
1t is stated, on good authority, that Gov.
ernor Medary has ordered four comp panies of
dragons to start for that region, and has
also ordered four companies of militia TO be
raised in Linn and Bourbon counties. the
officers for which have already been com.
mssioned; and, further, that he has tele-
graphed 10 the Secretary OF War to send
arms and ammunition from ST. Louis, which
has been done.
is expected that these counties will
90 Kept unper martial law for some time,
A reliable person from the vicinity OF
Fort Scott, represents that the condition OF
things there ia similar to the times OF the no.
torious Morrel. The whole country is divi.
ded into "Jay.hawkers,' and Anti.Jay.
hawkers," formed for the purpose Of COM
mttlng oil sorts Of crimes. Many respect.
able people belong to the Jay.hawkers, anG
they are openly upheld by some of the Meth
odlst preachers, who justify their acts as be.
ing proper revenge for the same kind OF
depredations, worse atrocities having been
committed on them by the pros lavery party,
when they were in the majority.
The pro.slavery party still hold most OF
the public Offices and are accused of oppres.
sive acts.
The old prosecutions that are pending on
account Of the former troubles, are the great
cause OF the dissatisfaction which now ex-
lists. -
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13
A New Dodge.

A gay young gentleman, in st. Louis, Mo-,
entered daguerrean establishment few
days ago, and prepared to be done in the
highest style of art. Pending the prelimi-
nary arrangements, lie suggested that he
would look better if he had gold chain one
whereupon the operator kindly took out his
watch and accompanying pendant, which he
handed over with very patronizing air. The
likeness was taken, the plate removed from
the instrument and taken to the darken ed
chamber, where certain mysterious enchunt.
ments are supposed to be pronounced. At
this critical moment the gay young gentle.
man took his hat and departed, forgetting to
leave behind him the watch and chain. The
daguerreotypist has abandoned himself to
despair.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13
Profits Of Gambling.

In gambling establishment, broken up
by the Philadelphia police, were found the
books of the proprietor, containing their pro-
fits, losses, &c. The Bulletin says:
"We find that during the months of Sep
tember and October, 1858, the winnings
were $l27l for September, and S2l5l for
October making a total Of $34g2. The
lowest receipts were on the night OF Sep
tember 9TH, when they only amounted TO $l4
and the heaviest were October 9th, when
they amounted to 1887. On the debt side
of the account there were numerous losses
noted, one OF which was to a New Yorker
$50. The Gothamite seems TO have fought
'ye tiger with that amour! Of pecrniary ad.
vantage to himself.
There are charges as follows Brandy,
$3l6; cigars, $50; cigars again, $50; 'cook
and bread,' $40. 1t is probable that some of
these charges are merely trumped up to GOV.
er losses and balance the account, If thew
are correct, the 1916 worth of brandy to
$40 worth of dread and cooking is very
suggestive Of Jack FalstufF's penny.worth
Of bread to an ocean Of sack. Ag1inst $3,-
423 worth OF gains during the two months,
there was an offset of $2096 losses and cx-
penses; leaving net b1lonce of $J27 for
two months work. After the recent action
of the grand jury in ignoring the bills before
them, the police will be shy of interfering
with the black-leg gentry, and the latter will
ply their trade with more boldndss than
ever"
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13
The Canal Convention at Column
hVnS

DUS.
According to call the Convention met
the 9th inst. Hon. A. Hughes, of Clcve-
land, was President. The following counties
were represented Stark, Butler, Montgom.
ers, Lucas, Franklin, Summit, Tuscarawus,
Ross, Cuyahoga, Athens, Hooking, Picka.
way, Coshocton, Hamilton, Warren, Miami,
Auglaize. A memorial was adopted to be
presented to the legislature opposed TO ths
sale OF the canals, on the ground that ,hey
would speedily yield 10 overriding railroad
or other interests, and soon be abandoned,
that there would be large decrease of taxa
BILE property in consequence-the canal
counties now paying the heaviest taxes, and
because they are needed by the commercial
and agricultural interests of the Stute. 1t
prays also for low rate OF tolls.
The following resolution adopted, embod-
les the sentiment Of the convention:
Whereas, A bill for the sale of the Public
Works OF the State, having passed the
House of Representatives by a majority Of
sixteen, and is now before the Senate, and
as the deficiency of revenue from those
works, caused by the food of last Spring,
has strenthened the confidence and stimula
ted the advocates of such sale to renewed
efforts in that behalf and believing it high.
ly important TO the interest of the entire
people of the State that she retain the own
ersbIp and control of her Canals and Slack
water Improvements for the security and
protection of her citizens against Railroad
and other monopolies Therefore,
RESOLVED, That this Convention earnestly
demonstrate against either the sale or the
leasing of the Public Works of the State.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13

GTThs San Francisco Bdllsis has an.
affecting and somewhat lengthy story about
dog, whose master became poor, and the
indigntieS usually visited upon the man up.
on such occasions were extended to the
brute. The dog got no bones or bits of meat
after the change Of his msSteras7circumstau.
ceS, but was Kicked literally as his owner
was metaphorically. In despair the victim
of adverSlty put his nose under water until
he drowned. The Balttin offers to make
oath to the story.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13
Democratic state Convention.

The Democratic State Central Commit
tee which met at Columbus, on the 9Th inst. :,
have determined upon calling the next
State Convention on the 25th of May
There will be Governor, Lieutenant Gov
ernor, Secretary of State, Tres ssurer Of State,
Auditor of State, and School Commissioner
to elect next fall. Also, new Legislature,
which will have to elect q United States
Senator. #a
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13

6TA married man in New York State
recently sold his farm, preparatory to Kan
sas expedition. His wife being in i'll
health and crippled, and likely to prove an
rather than un agreeable
companion on his journey, he agreed to take
off $500 from the price, if the purchaser of
the property would promise to maintain her
for the future. The conditions W ere accent.
ed.
The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-01-13

0FThe editor of the Baton Rouge Aduo
cdts says there is cannon in q foundry in
That city, which was used 10 the battle Of
San Jacinto. 1t is the same gun presented
to General Houston by the ladies' of Cincin.
natl. There is also, In the same foundry, on
old English twelve FOUNDER, manu- factured in
1898, which probably has an interesting his.
tory if known.