Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1859-07-22
MIS- &C ELLA N Y.
From the Home Journal.
Thirty years an Old Maid.

initiated him with its deprerlatlns cahuor
as she deposited me, like half stifled
kitten IN the roomy depths an easy chair.
why didn't somebody take u seat.
have no particular delights associated
with those day. and year. Of my carly mai.
denhood. Irerollsc' tha, rcbelled furi.
ously at the parental suggestions ! received
by the channel Of slippers, whr-. whale
homes and skirts, until taking deliberate
view Of myself in n mirror one day, came
to the conclusion that in view oi my mou-
.ey hair, spotted nose and porcino eyes,
my mother had my 'ympatmcs.
At the budding age oi fifteen, when the
protective law ought 10 init the liberties
of young females IN the ARA Of state asy.
lum. was tie hith Miss Thompson, and
a mighty di.corlnnt =" ffth " at that.
recolIcct that my first appearance in society
81 shocked parental proprir,y by telling a
regular old Scotch terrier Of u plrson that
the angel, In the =" Court Of Death" look.
81 in.uG-r,hly borci. thn, was warned to
keep myself in arrcar. in society thereafter.
and cultivate the solemnitir- Of li'e as
would propagate my eyebrows.
Uniccling parent2 Ile touched my ten
der point then /; for up to tha, hour, ! had
never discovered anything in my face, in
that locality. hut a brokcn arch Of dOwny
fur-yery unpropitiou' as - symptom. and
a. foundation utterly defiant Of hair dye
or burnt cork. 1, seemed to the tha, stood
in rather an unpromi,inc light a' regarded
that ultima hu'e Of young ladies' hopes-
matrimony an final settlement but |
firmly made up my mind tia, need not
cHpcc, my four predecessors To fc my four
precedent. IN matrimonial line. and 80 I
prepared 10 launch forth. \. the piternal
income was annually Ab-orbed in "dry
goods. boot. and shoes. f,r the Thompson
dynasty. I could no, rely on the "plum "
in which. ~ some children take pill. |
might hc deStcriou.ly administered 10 some
poor bilious .oul 30 after fearful prrplrIi.
", resolved 70 devote myself to literature
Shall ever forget my tedious phs with
Pope and Milton, my ghustly encounters
with the ancirnt.. or my abortivc boring
into whatelcy'- Elements? Many browse
overlook me justa. ia, fallen angels Assem-.
blcd to war, ani never found out who
came od best. or even if they flughtnt all.
Many a time did plunge into the muddy
depth. OF syllosism., and as regularly cam"
up To the ,urlac, like a pur ball. But my
father h'gin t, look upon me asa celebrity
borc myself with such inflated confidence
that have NJ doubt. hal hcsn cot OF at
that rare ripencd state, the village cemetery
would have been adorned with my classic
bust repo.Iog On a perfect iortiicItion Of
b,ok., aud literary pamphlets gracins me
like drnpcry. Icln't keep hack a pit,Iul
sigh sometimes. when think how fruit To-
sc. IL value when over rip,ned. just ~ !
had got into bsieglne condition, aud had
tortured my conversational impulsivcnes.
into intellectual gasp, | took by storm a
worthy B,pti't minister.
Elder Borden was a close mouthcd. close
f,t,d. Close commuion Baptist. Hard .hell, 4,
down on little candidates for immersion.
and rather contracted generally. lie was
- welded to the principle OF need beins
measured according to means that IL he
had ouly CITY cents to spend IN pnntaloons
he would have rclgiously purchased only
fifty cents worth. Elder Borden did not
reach nv standard Although hc was
grateful and refreshing TO my thirsty yani'
" and called me 4" Peri. pearl. plum aud
pomegranite," most yehcmently, ! had a
silly suspicion OF hi. sincerity; aud IN spite
Of my little pull.backs in a personal way, |
lelt inclined 10 bc more like other women.
Notwithstanding Elder Bnrien's gloomy
hints that he should take the fret oppjr;u-
ni,y ol immersion in the mill race 10 bury
his disappointment in six fee, of water, !
assured him | was too young Yet to think
sr the cunnublal state. The last saw OF
Elder Borden he went forth on u gale OF
wind, his coat cleI, like dilapItatcd PEN
non, and hi, battered heart comfortably en-
wrapped in a red flannel shirt which de.
tcctcd a- 1t peercd out. greatly to his rev
erend discrcdt.
Ny next admIrer was dashIng colonel,
not quite ace ,untable out Of Jail, and wIl.
ling to dispense with any tedious process OF
courting. brought him low by bomb.
she'll Of hattcry and PePPercd him with
squibs Of military etiquette; but as he sim.
ultaneon-ly offered himself to every lady at
the barracks. | only pillaged his heart Of
all it ever held, aud sold his secrets at a
profit.
Nv next lover was widower, ripe IN
disrrpute, hoary in dissipation, and DIS
tressed for wife, as, perhaps you VIII
complimentary infer. came near taking
him in my desperation. The dasuerrco'
types Of his nine children touched me with
their professional dignity; and had he not
A Ii,,,,,oiv ;,lted me- 4 have NJ doubt |