The penny press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1859-1860, 1859-12-01
HUMOR AND SENTIMENT.

Hook, "butifyou go over you'll be tolledr
p@-"Will you be second" said gen
tleman, who proposed to fight duel
mo, indeed, for you wouldn't stand {
second yourself"
MIThe poor tailor who tried to curt
his wife's temper has given it up as baC
job. He found the experiment was no
worth the salt"
AN EPIGRAM.
whats womans proper sphere, my love2"
"xoa siys j. Up, 'Tis thirty feet.
R@An advertisement reads as follows:
Stolen, watch worth ten guineas II
the thief will return it he shall be informed
where he may steal one worth two OF 1t,
and no questions asked"
SRA gentleman in Ohio, who died
recently, bequeathed to his wife hand
some sum, providing in his will that in
case she married again it should be
doubled.
n4- 4-Talleyrand, when asked by lady
famous for her beauty and stupidity how
she should rid herself of some Of her
troublesome admirers, replied, "You have
only to open your mouth, madam"
EU-A young fellow, the son of an emf
nent dancing-master, applying to friend
as to what trade or profession it would
be best for him to pursue, was answered
II think you cannot do better than follow
the steps of your father.
p0-In many trifes, man is just 70,
unjust) as contradictory as woman. Fol
instance, he objects to see flies in his
port wine, and yet the fastidious monster
is not in the least enraged at the sight Of
the bees wing
s0-"I didn't denounce you," said q
sauoy young fellow to an editor, "but only
your subordinate; | merely made fling
at your staff-"Well, sir" replied the
editor, suiting the action to the word,
"then my staff shall have fling at you. "
b0cA writer of the last century quantity
observed that when the cannons Of the
princes began war, the cannons of the
church were destroyed. ut was" said
he, "frst mitre that governed the world
and then nitre-first Saint Peter, and
then saltpetre.
B6-It is undoubtedly duty to acquire
riches, not for the condition which they
make, but for the power they confer.
The wisdom, however, properly to employ
them demands even more earnest study
and honest endeavOr-
D@rFaith and will, are the two maternal
birds which nourish courage and per
formance the one gives us confidence in
ourselves, the other enables US to secure
the confidence of those whom we would
conquer or control.
D@Let youth cherish sleep, the hap.
piest of earthly boons, while yet it is al
its command; for there cometh the day
to all, when neither the voice of the
lutte nor the birds" shall bring back the
sweet slumbers that fell on their young
eyes as unbidden as the dews.
B@The Bulletin lays down number
of rules of action in case of ones clothes
catching fire, and conclude, by recon-
mending any lady who should unfortu
nately find herself enveloped in the
flames Of her burning garments, "keep as
cool as possible"
s@-"Mr. Captain" said son of Erin,
going on board a vessel in the port Of
Cork, "you looked so much like the mate
that / took you to be the cook Will you
be after lending me the loan of your
broadax to saw an empty barrel of -four
in two, to make my COW a hog-pen2"
E0rA man was taken up for stealing
some valuable fancy ducks, and after a
description of them, the prisoners attor.
ney said, "Why, they can't be such rare
breed, for have some of them in my own
yard.-"Very likely" said the com.
plainant; III have lost a good many lately. "
DTWhen Jones went to dinner the
other day, he found one Of his appren
tees, in the kitchen quietly rolling up his
sleeves "What are you going to do2
said Jones. "Oh,' responded the boy
81 am going to dive down into that pot, to
see if can find the meat that the soup
was made from"
g@"How old did you say your sister
was2' Twenty fve."-"You must be
mistaken. l was under the impression
she was only twenty" "She wears hoop
skirts, doesn't she?'' "From appearances
| should say she did" "Well, then,
twenty-five springsssat least have passed
over her head.
pS-The best way to avoid being dis.
turbed by an unpleasant thing, said DR..
Spooner, is to resolve that it shall not
disturb you; but should your nerves be
sensitive and unable to stand the trial,
hasten by the annoyance and don't see
it A singing remark loses all its point
when we are not conscious that we are
aimed at
naO-'Waiter," said Hood once at q
Brighton hotel, "Tll get you q place in
London as first rate packer "--"Packer,
sirr' said the astonished waiter, with the
white cloth under his arm, blightly agi.
tated, II never learned to pack" "All
the better replied Tom; it's natural
gift: for see how you have packed my
bottle Of wine in piut decanter!"
s%'Going to leave, MaryY'-"Yes,
II ~ II IL