Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1859-05-27
VI IS c Ell J. A Y.
TROUT AND PI-GNACITY.
\ FRONT STREET MAN oN his MUSCLE.


Mr.. Blank is principal salesman in Il
wholesale linen house in this city. On Sat.
day last he was brought before police mag
stratc for the first time in his life, and under
such circumstances that there will b. nc
harm done in narrating them.
Mr. Blank is a remarkably clever man,
and sets high value upon II Joke, provided
i it isn't set up Z" too steep \ short time
ago Mr. Blank received present from Gus
toner in the town of Lock Haven. 1t con-
sisted of twelve of the finest trout ever taken
| in that celebrated trout stream. Young Wo-
mans creek. If thcre is any thing for which
Mr.. Blank has IL weakness. it is tor break
fast of trout, ninkcd by mullins and cup of
Old Don Mon coffee, and the reader may,
therefore. imagine how welcome was the
present in question. pom the delivery of
the package at the store, Blank deposited the
treasure in covered basket and placed it in
cool place until evening. On hs way home
he dropped in al ii certain restaurant to sec
friend, and while there II certain hardware
clerk came IN and entered into conversation
with Mr. Blank
What have you in your basket, my dear
sir?''
"a present from Clinton County-a dozen
OF the biggest trout over seen out Of water ~
Who is the dpnor!'
"a customer Of ours at L,ckhavcn Bv
the way, have you ever been in Clinton
county?''
Never -
" Well then, you have sensation in store.
Till you visit that region you can have no
possible idea of what fishing and hunting
means Last winter a friend of mine shot
eight deer in an hour. What do you think
of that?'
That the story is a good one, but some
thing like the gentleman S neck who was hung
in Chicago last week"
What do you mean by that?''
" That it is slightly stretched. that's all >
Mr.. Blank being slightly mifed at this re-
ply, proposed to leave, while the hard ware
clerk insisted that they should first step into
a slde-room and partake of Pinet champagne
and Tried oysters. Mr. Blank assented and
took his seat, while the hardware clerk went
to order up supper. While Mr.. Blank was
reading over the North American, the hard
ware clerk made an excuse to 60 down into
the bar-room. While there he abstracted the
trout from MIR. Blank basket and replaced
them with a string of suckers. Having done
this he returned to hls friend Blank and par
took of the supper, the last course of which
consisted of a dish Of trout, hich Mr. Blank
admitted to be nearly as large as those sent
him from Clinton county. After supper
Mr.. Blank IS friend settled the bill, and the
parties separated-Alr. Blank to convey his
present to his wife, and the hardware clerk
to spend the evening with lady in Ninth
street The moment Blank reached home he
opened up a conversation with Mrs Blank.
scot IL present for you my dear, from Mr.
Wright OF Clinton county-the finest mess of
trout ever taken ont Of water
"llow nice Arc they in this basket.
Blanky DEAR
Mr.. Blank said eyes" and handed over
the basket, while Mrs. Blank lifted the cover
to examine the fish while Blank removed his
boots
Mrs. Blank examined trout, and looked
dubious.
Are these trout my dear -
Certainly, and the finest you ever saw
Are you sure Of that, Blanky?"
"Sure Of it? Of course, am. It's so
long since you ate game fish that you've for
gotten the earmarks.''
~ think you re mistaken for once, dear;
II m any judge ofpiscatoral arrangements,
this lot OF trout consists OF suckers ~
Mr.. Blank laid down "the baby" and ex-
amined the fish. lie admitted that the trout
had become suckers. lie saw the matter at
once, and admitted that he had been sucker
himself. or he would not have allowed a
fool like hardware clerk to have hocussed
him in such manner. Mr.. Blank then de-
termlned to have revenge. With this intent
he put on his boots and rushed out of the
house lie went up Ninth street, in u violent
passion, in pursuit Of the young man he ad-
vlsed to visit Clinton county and kill eight
deer in one hour. As luck would have it
he met young man just as he stepped out the
house he had been visiting. He came up be-
hind young man and lifted HIM about six
inches oil the ground, with the toe of his
right boot. Yonng man was so taken by
surprise and pain that he shouted 'murdcr'
"a process which resulted in Mr.. Blank
capture by an officer in less than a minute
afterwards The Recorders Office being still
open, Mr.. Blank was taken before him.
Hardware clerk made his statement and Mr..
Blank made his, when the Recorder voted
that Mr., Blank had served hardware clerk
precisely right. Hardware clerk studied the
matter over, and agreed to consider the assault
in Pickwiokian sense, while Mr. Blank
magnanimously asserted that the trout sell''
should henceforth be considered as a Joke.
The matter thus ended, and so ended Mr.
Blank first arraignment as a violator of the
constitution Phil ~ American.