The weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington, Iowa) 1858-1860, 1859-10-01

11goceol ~ 1IlsGlAn 81
~ Jigsing thEs go . Tssason, New
y ~ -, nAne1 emilh aad Jones, Who
~ bo1A oftAsn Designs q The lsGislatare.
3oass haa ba1 wf6e and was y love with .
peety vuuan-hs Wished b b divorced
bon NJ baA vifs, . thas he might marry
- pretty woman, Who, b The way, WAS
nt1ov, with hlaek eyeo. ard such form
4Aegsfoeo Joneo eamo y Trente0 for di-l
Y 6nith Aad : gsod viss, god . an aagel,I
~ ~ nothee IL IN ehiIdrsn, and smith II
"A nj want . b disosos1, bat did want g II
~ GAaSese fne . t1t1pike o. ptankroa0
5 szasnd hsn Pigs Raa = Tazrspin Ho'
wen. sAsy, vi,h 49, diGsrsat errands,
cane % Treaties, nd addreeoed the assem-
bled viedon with The usual arguments -
FimA suppsss mainly composed OF oysters
Win ric6 background Of veaison second,
liquors d great plenty, from "Jersey light.
ming" which b . kind Of locomotive ct full
speed, reduced 10 liquor shape, to Newark
champagne. 10 spcak in plain prose, the
divorce man gave champagne supper, and
Smith, The tuEnpiks man, followed with q
champagne breakfast under the modifying
influence Of which the assembled wisdom
passed both the divorces and turnpike bills;
and JONES and 6mith-s copy Of each bill I'M
their pocksts-went rejoicing home. over
niles Of sand, and through the tribulation Of
many stage coaches.
y Smith arrived home in the evening and %
hs at in his parlor, biz pretty wife beside
Aim-how pretty she did look and hve OF
her children ovsshearing the other five study
inn their lessons in the corners of the room,
Saith was induced TO expatiate upon the
rood results Of bic mission to Trenton.
"A turnpike, my dear; I'm one Of the di
,Ioctors and viii b president. 1t will set me
mp, love; We can Oend our children to board
ing school, and live in style out Of the toll
Hare i the charter, honey
Let ne see it, said the pretty little wife,
who was one Of the incest Of wives, with
p1unpnsss and goodness dimpling all over
her face, let me - IT, O abe leaned over
Smiths 5heulder. y q se.sa Y
dBatxil 4 oaes auith's jsisage grew long \
6mith's wife's visags grew black. Smith was
mot prolans, but now be ripped out an awful
oath. Blast %, wifs, these informal scOun
drels ct Trenton have gone and divorced US y
lives too troe; the parchment which he
held was : bill Of divorce,ip which the names
ofSmish md Smith's wife appeared in fright
fully legible lsttsrs.
Mn Smith wiped her eyes with the corner
Of her apron. 'Hspss . tarnpike, said she
eadly. and with the whole Of or ten children
staring ne in the face, ! amt your wife /
Here ) = tunpike
Blast the pike and the legislature and
the -.r
We'll, the fact ID that Smith, reduced to
single blessedness, enacted into stranger to
his own wife swore awfully. Although the
might WAS dark, and most of the denizens OF
6mith's town had gone to bed, Smith bid his
late wife to put on her bonnet, and arm in
arm they proceeded to the clergyman Of their
church
Goodness, bless mel exclaimed the good
man - he saw them enter,-Smith looked
like the last Of June shad, Smiths wife wiped
her eyes with the corner of her apron
Goodness bless me, what's the matterY
The matter isl want you to marry US two
right Cd, replied Smith.
- Marry you, T. calculated the clergymen
with expanded fingers and awful eyes; are
you drunk, or what 10 the matter with you !?
However he finally married them over
straightway and would not take q fee, the fact
is, gravo 40 he was, he was dying to be alone
that he might give vent to suppressed
laugh that was shaking him all over; and
Smith and Smiths wife went joyfully home
and kissed every ONE of their children. The
little Smiths never knew that their father
and mother had ever been made strangers
to each other by legislative enactment
Meanwhile, and on the same night, Jones
returned to his native town-Burlington, !
believe-and sought ct once the fine black
eyes which he had hoped shortly to call his
own. The pretty widow sat on the sofa, q
white handkerchief tied carelessly about her
round white throat, her black hair laid in
silky waves against each rosy cheek.
Divorce 10 the word, cried Jones, play full
~ patting her double chin the fact 10 Eliza
I'm rid Of that cursed woman, and you and
III be married tonight knew how to
manage those scoundrels at Trenton. A
champagne superior was it breakfast
did the business for them. Put on your bon
net and let us 60 to the preachers at once,
dearest
The widow, who was among widows as
peaches among apples, put ON her bonnet
and took Jones arm, and
Just look how handsome it 10 put on parch-
mentr cried Jones, pulling out the docu
AAcut U0IOE0 uer mere Tue INV Cuut Say .
Jacob Jones and Ann Caroline Jones are
two
Putting her plump gloved hand on his
shoulder she did look 1t it.
3 . dearv she said, with her rosy lips, and
sank back, half fainting on the sofa.
. blszesr cried Jones, and sank beside
her, rustling the fatal parchment in his hand,
hsresa lot Of happiness and champagne gone
10 ruin
1t was hard case Instead of being di-
yorced, and ct liberty to marry the widow,
s1acob Jones was amply, by the Legislature
Of New jersey, incorporated into turnpike
company, and what made it worse, authori-i
lsedso snn affon' Burlington to, Bristol -
When you redsct that Burlington and Bris-
toll are located just Q mile apart, on opPo
site sides of the Delaware river, you will
observe the extreme hopelessnsss Of Joness
oaeo. F3 NJ
It's al the FAULT Of that turnpike man who
gave them the champagne superior was it
the breakfast cried Jones in agony. IL
they'd chartered me tosa turnpike from
Pigs Run to Terrapin Hollow, ] might have
borne it.; but the ysry idea Of building
turnpike from Burlington to Bristol bears an
absardity on the face off, ..-s.,
a . Nff4F
sAnd you aint divorced said Eliza, d tear
running down each cheek. M
'Nof Numbered Jones, crushing his hat
between his knees, and what 10 worse, the
Ssgislaturs 10 adjourned and gone home
dfunk, and won't Be back to Trenton till next
SsaeP fsg
Il .was hard case. ,r.x KS 4
The mistake ~ had occurred on the last
day Of the session, when Legislators and
tzanscribing clerks were laboring under
champagne breakfast Smiths name had
bssn put where Jones's ought to have been,
and 'wissy wersey, - the Latin poet has il.
1 TIN DocToR OUrw1r1ED.-When DR.
Dodge, IN eclectic physician, was lecturing
through the State on the laws of health, and
particularly On the evils Of tea and coffee, he
happened 70 meet ONE morning at the break.
fast table, witty son Of Erin, Of the better
class. Conversation turned ON the doctors
hvorite subject he addressed our Irish friend
- follows:
sPerhapa Won think that vvonld ho nm