Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1859-10-20
The Husband Who was to Mind
the House.

!. The Husband Who was to Min(
the House.
Once on time there was a man S,
surly and cross, he never thought his wifi
did anything right in the house. So on
evening, in hay making time, he cam'
home, scolding and swearing, and showing
his teeth, and making dust.
"Dear love, don't be so angry; there's :
good man." said his goody; "to-morrov
let's change our word. I'll 60 out witt
the mowers and NOW, and you shall minG
the house at home.
Yes! the husband thought that would
do very well: He was quite willing.
So, early next morning, his goody tool
u sythe over her neck and went out into
the hay field with the mowers, and began
to NOW; but the man was TO mind the
house, and do the work at home.
First of all he wanted to churn the but
ter; but when be had churned while, be
got thirsty and went down into the cellar
TO tap barrel of ale. So, just when he
had knocked in the bung and was putting
the tap into the cask, he heard overhead
the pig come into the kitchen. Then of
he ran up the cellar steps with the tap in
his hand, as fast as he could, to look after
the pig lest it should upset the churn; but
when he got up, and saw the pig had al
ready knocked the churh over, and stood
there, roofing and grunting amongst the
cream. which was running all over the floor,
he was so wild with rage that he quite for
got the ale barrel, and ran at the pig as
hard as he could. He caught it, just as it
ran out of doors, and geve it such Kick
that piggy lay for dead ON the spot. Then
all at once he remembered that he had
the tap in his hand, but when he down to
the cellar every drop of ale had run out OF
the cask,
Then he went to the dairy and found
enough cream left to fill the churn agar, ,and
so he began to churn, for butter they must
have at dinner. When be had churned n
bit, he remembered that their milking COW
was still shut up in the byre, and hadn't a
bit to eat or drop to drink all the morn
ing, though the sun was high. Then all at
once he thought twas too far to take her
down to the meadow, so he'd just get her
on the house top-for tie house you must
know, was matched with sods, and fine
crop of grass was growing there. Now
their house lay close up against steep
down, and he thought if he had laid a
plank across the thatch at the back he'd
easily get the COW up,
But still he couldn't leave the churn, for
there was his little babe crawling about on
the floor, and "if leave it," he thought,
"tbe child is sure to upset it." So he
took the churn on his back and went out
with it; but then he thought he'd better
first water the COW before he turned her out
on the thatch; so he took up a bucket to
draw water out of the well; but as he
stopped down at the wells brink, all the
cream ran out of the churn over his shoul-
ders, and so down into the we'll.
Now it was near dinner-time, and be
hadn't even got the butter yet; so he
thought he'd best boil the porrige, and fill
ed the pot with water aud hang it over
the fire. When he had done that, he
thought the COW might perhaps fall off the
thatch and break her legs or neck. So he
got up on the house to tie her mp. One
end of the rope he made fast to the cows
neck, and the other he slipped down the
chimney and tied it round his own thigh,
and he had TO make haste for the water
now began to boil in the pot, and he had
still TO grind the oatmeal.
So he began to grind away, but while he
was hard at it, down fell the COW off the
house-top after all, and as she fell, she
dragged the man up the chimney by the
rope. There he stuck fast; and for the
cow, she hung half way down the wall,
swinging between heaven and earth, for
she could neither get down or up.
And now the goody had waited seven
lengths and seven breadths for her hus-
band to come and call her home to dinner,
but never call they had. At last she
thought she'd waited long enough and
went home. But when she got there, she
saw the COW hanging in such an ugly place,
she ran and cut the rope in two with her
scythe. But as she did this, down came
her husband out of the chimney; and so
when his old dame came inside the kitchen,
there she found him standing on bis head
on the porridge pot.-Dassnfs Tales from
the Morse.