The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-11-12

CT The charge Of . judge is often hard
TO stand that Of soldier harder still !;
that of broker or hack driver hardest Of
ell.~ - %Le A.YT 40 - s2.A
~A fns woman, like locomotive,
draws train after her, scatters the sparks,
and transports the males.
GA young man being asked what made
him bald, replied that, "the girls had pulled
bis lair out, pulling him into their Windows.
AWELL ExPoUNDED TEXTILE clothed
himself with curses as with garment
The man who had q habit Of swearing.
GTThe modern way Of asking for :
marriage license is to say-"Clerk, give me
an order for q woman"
RTThe editor of the Vermont States
man thinks that We hack our opponents
"with too rough a blade" To be sure We
don't open oyster-shells with razors.
CYAN English Judge in sentencing man
to death, added "You will now have the
satisfaction of having your case tranferred
to q higher, and let me add, ADLER judge"
e%Any paper can publish the appoint
ments after the coming in of new admin
i,tration, but what paper in the world is
big enough to publish the disappointment?
EBennett of the Herald processes to
have gone to raising pumpkins. Our young
friend Of the Democrat raises one as often
a. be lifts bis head. But his pumpkin is
all in PI.
.eEPrentce asks: Can any of our fash
ionable ladies tell why the Lord, when he
made Eve from one Of Adams ribs, didn't
make hired girl from one Of his fingers or
toes? Fs@"" 81 ssa'~' .1''''
PosrrSc.-An Old Line Wing, in a neat
afternoon speech, remarked that "Fugitive
Slaves should be givon up, because We should
render unto sellers the things that are
seizers ~ T. $3.50. ~
rvThe Albany Argus says that mankind
are Democrats by nature. If that's so, the
apple, eaten by Eve in Eden in behalf Of
her posterity, must sit terribly upon the
stomach of the human race.
v"Did understand you to say that |
was lousy sir 2" "Oh, no! merely told
nv friends that when it rained lice in Egypt,
thought you must have been walking there,
without hat or umbrella-that's all.
T"Gripps, l understand you have q
superior way of curing hams. should like
to learn it," swell, yes; know very we'll
how to cure them but the trouble with me
Just now is to pro cure them"
r5rAt a Hebrew school, q class of little
girls were reciting a lesson in Scripture
History. The teacher asked little Mary
"What was Esau's occupntion?" The little
ones eyes sparkled, and she replied brisklv:
"He kept clothing store on Main street ~
me- That man whose better half told him
before their marriage, that she was worth
twenty-five thousand dollars, when che was
worth fifty thousand, as he found out after
marriage, has forgiven her for the falshood,
und pocketed the offence.
~ 1t is undeniable, says Prentice,
that in America it takes three to make a
pair-he, she and the hired girl. Had Adam
been modern, there would have been a
girl in Paradise to look after little Abel,
''end raise Cain"
The Empress Eugene, according to
tho latest advices, is determined that the
successionof the Bonapnrtes shall notdepepd
upon q single heir, and has accordingly
made preparations for some additional ones.
That is the most modest way We know of
saying it.
PoETIcAL DUN.-A Frenchman down the
St. Lawrence, who keeps one horse gro
Gerry, writes thus
- Ali those people what owes,
r. mot AK EN- for dat
But all dose people what owes me,
ustpay me de rashoug immediat.
PAINTERS FANCY.
A story is told Of Dutch painter Helm
skerk, who died about 1922, that he left by
his will sum Of money year. y as a dowery
.,,,,,x - - - IL, ~ on