The Van Buren press., 1859-09-07
The Scandal Mcnger.

| Now let it work Mischief thou art
afoot. Aunt -Lizzy was Deacon Snipe's
wife's sister--a maiden of about fifty-she
went to all the neo,ings-sept regular ac-
count Of every birth, death and marriage,
| with their nanaes-doctoraI all the babies,
and knew every yor5 in the ncighborhood-
showed all the young married women how
to make soap, and when they had bad luck
made every child in the house sit cross-leg-
ged till the luck changed. In fine, she was
kind of village factotum-spent her time
in going from house to house, grindiu, out
grist of slander to each as occasion requi-
red, but always concluded with - the way
of the transgrcssors is harl.' Poor Mrs
A. or B., (as the case may bel | pity her
from the bottom Of my heart or some
such soothing reflection. Amt Lizzy was
very fond OF asking strangers and others,
without regard to time or Place, /" the state
of their minds how the .rrjoycd their
minds" etc. These questassss were gencr-
oily 9-Ln'tad = string e scandal. which
happiness of some of her best neiyhbors
and friends |; but she, like other narrators of
this kind, considered such intellectual mur
der as either establishing her own fair rep
ulatiOus VI 10 tAtc Oiil Hlttic OF cntertaln-
ing the village ami thereby rendering her
society agreeable.
One warm summer afternoon, a. Squire
P. was sitting near his Office door. smoking
his pipe, Aunt Lizzy was passing by with
great speed, Eliminating on the news of the
day, when the Squire brought her suddenly
to, as the sailors say, by 6 WHAT'S your
hurry, Aunt Lizzy2 walk IN. - The old
lady, who never wanted a second Invitation,
went into the Office, and the following dia-
logue soon commenced
Well, Squire p, ] have Just been
thinking, this afternoon, what q useful
man you might be, if you'd only leave off
your light conversation, as the good book
says, and bccomea serious rnan-you might
be an ornament to both church and state as
our minister says
"Why, as t. that, Auns Lizzy, cheer
full countenanee | consider he best index of
a grateful heart, and you know what the
Bible says on that subject" When We
fast be not as the hypocrites are. of a sad
countenance, but anoint thy head and wash
thy face Aunt lizzy began TO feel for her
pocket handkerchief, for she was taker of
snuff that yc appear not to fast
"Now, there, Squire, that Just what |
told You /; see how you h..5e the scripture
at your tongue eat. Ellao ? useful man
You might make in -our cliu :h. if you'd
only be a doer oil the Word rs well as a
hcarer.'
"As to that, Aunt Lizzy, | don't see
that your professors, as YOU cal them, are
whit better than / am i" pr rate l re-
spect sincere profession as l uch as any
man |; but l know enougis % one of vour
churcfy whom nm tl,ul. !. q, at deal of, to
know that she is no better t l. IN she should
be-
At these inuendoss, Aus Lizzy's little
black eyes began to twinkle she sat down
beside the Squire, in order to speak in a
low tone-spread her handkerchief over
her lap, and began to tap the cover of her
snuff box in true style, and all things be-
ing In readiness for regular siege of "scan-
dalum magnatum," she commenced fire
Now, Squire, want to know what You
mean by one of our church. l know who
you mean-the trollop-I didn't like SO
many curls about her head when she told
her experience"
The Squire, finding curiosity was putting
his boots on, had no occasion to add spurs
to the heels, for the old lady had one in
her head that was worth both of them
Accordingly he had no peace until he con-
sented to explain what he meant by the ex-
preston g in private''-this was dear
word to Aunt Lizzie.
"Now, Aunt Lizzie, will you take a
Bible oath, that you will never commnni-
cate what am about tell you as a most
inviolable secret 90
Yes, Squire, declare l won't never
never tell nobody about it so long as
breathe the breath of life, and I'll take a
Bible oath on it; there, sartin as l live,
Squire, before You or any other magistrate
in the country"
Well, then, you know when went to
Boston year ago 90
:" Yes, yes, Squire, and know who went
with You, too-Suscy B. and Dolly T. and
her sister Prudence"
Never mind who went with me, Aunt
Lizzie; there was q whole lot of passeng-
crs-but, but
None of your butts, Squire-out with
1t, If folks will act so-a tlollop"-
But, Aunt Lizzie, I'm afraid you will
bring me into scrape.''
r" have told You over and over again
that nobody shall never know nothing
about it, and your wife knows l aint leaky."
"My wife! / wouldn't have her know
what was going to say for the world
why, Aunt Lizzy, if sne Sshonld know it"
Well, don't be afear'd Squire once
for all, I'll take my oath that no living crit
ter shan't never, as long as ] live, know q
lisp on't.'
Well, then, if you must know i'll
slept WIT, one of the likelicst of your
church members near,',y half the way up p
Aunt Lizzy drew a long brcatil--she shut
up her snuff box, and put it in her pocket,
muttcring to herself
",rhc likelicst of our church members
l thought it was Suscy B-likolicst-this
comes of being flattered-a trollop. Well,
one thing know-the way of transgress-
sors is hard but hope yon'l never tell
nobodyson't, Squire, for sartin as the world
if such thing should be known, our church
would be scattered like sheep without a
shepherd"
In few moments Aunt Lizzy took hcl
1 @