The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-03-16

Blurts out, Z" tho more like bears the better
Because Cher pretty shoulders shrugging),
Bears are such glorious chaps for huggine
= An Irish lady, in her will, ordered
her body to be burned, after death, q.
she was afraid Of being buried alive.
-"I am all heart" said a boastinc
fellow to his comrads. PITY you're moi
part pluck" was the retort.
| - The newspapers are full of advcr
tiscments for plain cooks. We suppose
pretty cooks arc Of 10 account.
- The Supreme Court of California
has decided that the law prohibiting Chi.
nese emigration is unconstitutional.
= Forty new Lodges of Good Tenn
plars have been instituted in Canada,
since the last session of the Grand lodge
- The reason why some people put
on airs, is because they have nothing else
to put on.
- There is only one bad wife in the
world, and every crusty husband thinks
Nii''1 eiiS 40 AeAllNll w MS lOl.
- Punch truly says, that in the shad-
ow Of small waist may be eeen large
doctors bill and the outside Of coffin.
- Tho smallest children arc nearest
God, as the smallest planets arc nearest
the sun.
= The sulest way to lose your health
is TO be all the time drinking that of other
folks.
A man who got. tight, at IN election,
said it was owing to his efforts to put down
"party spirit"
- An editor down East, boasts of hav.
ing had talk with a woman, and got
the last word Needs confirmation.
tfudes an supefiidous iorhidiity.
- In whatever shape evil comes, we
are apt to exclaim with Hamlet, "Take
any shape but that"
When a person loses his reputation,
the very last place where he goes to look
for it, is the place where he lost it.
- A waggish candidate went, in the
course of his canvass, TO tailor's shop.
"What we look for, here" said the tai
lor, care measures, not men,"
- The more our ladies practice walk
ing the more graceful they become in
their movements. Those ladies acquire
the best carriage, who don't ride in one.
"Oh, she was q jewel Of wife,
said Pat, mourning over the loss Of his
better half "She alway struck me with
the soft end of the mop"
- An Irishman, on being asked which
was the elder, he or his brother, replied,
g am the eldest, but if my brother lives
three years we shall both be of an age"
What is the difference between a
blind man and sailor in prisonl One
cannot see to go, and the other cannot so
TO sea.
- A gentleman who had a scolding
wife, in answer to an inquiry after her
health, said she was pretty WELL only
subject at times, to a ''breaking out in The
mouth"
An old sailor, at the theater said
he supposed that dancing girls wore theil
dresses at half-mast, as n mark Of respect
to departed modcsty.
No one who has tried the expert
ment of putting crumb of salt as largC
as a pea in his coffee, in addition 10 th'
sugar and cream, will ever drink anothe
cup without it.
"A rich man one day asked man o
wit what sort Of thing opulence was
alt is q thing replied the philosopher
switch can give rascal the advantag
over an honest man"
- Somebody adyeriises for agents +
sell work entitled "Hymcnial lnstruc
tor" The best instructor we know OF
a Young widow. What she don kno"
there is no use learning.
-"Ah me- said a pious lady "oa
minister is a very powerful preacneri 10
tho short time he Ininistered the Word o
Cod among us he kicked three pulpits L
, pieces. and banged tho inards out Q
five Bibles"
al curse the hour when we wer
married. p exclaimed an enraged gentle
man 10 his better half To which sh
mildly replied; Don't my dear for tina
was the only happy one we have seen!