Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1859-08-13
"Artemas Wards" Fourth Of July Grafton

"Artemas Wards" Fourth Of July Grafton
"Artemas Ward" the quaint western hu.
morist, publishes. his Fourth of July Grafton In
the Cieveland Plsindealer, with the following
preface: -'~ - - : e
Surs send harewith synopsis of the SIX e.
dule OF my orashun on the 4th, of July, al
eathersheld. Please correct punktooate il
In proper stile.- L spoke two hours, and was
nlnety-six minutes passn given pint There
was between two hundred persons present, who
with open mouths and closed eyes listened tc
me with strick attenshun. 'A.W
The oration itself is perfect gem, and one
OF the best things that Artemas'' has vet got.
ten of. We suljoin an sxt, or two. Afte,
the usual apostrOphe to the Goddess of Liberty.
he says: a. hain't time to notice the growth
OF Ameriky fruIn the time when the Mayfowers
cum over in the Pilgrim and browt Plymouth
Rock with them, but every skool boy nose our
career. has been tremeDjis. You will excuse
me II don't prase the erly settlers of the Kol-
onles Pepie which hung idiotic old wimin fur
witches, bornt holes in Quaker's tongues, and
consigned their feller critters to the tired mill
and piilery on the slitest provocashun may
have been very nice folks in their way, but
must confess don't admire their stile and will
drop them all. Ispose they ment well, and SO
in the novel and techin langwidge Of the muse
papers, peas to their ashis.' Thare was NO
dlskount. however, on them brave men who fit,
bled and died in the American Revolushun
We needn't be afraid of setting them too steep.
Like my Show, they will stand heap of prase
. see much to admire in New Englan. Your
gals In particular air abowt rs snug bilt peaces
OF Cailiker as lever saw They nj i-fully equal
to the oorn-fed gals of Ohio and Injianna, and
VIII make the bestest kind of wives. 1t sets
my Buzzum on fire to look at EN-
Be still my sole, be STILL .... ~
q you, Hart, stop cuttin up.
Which affecktin lines is either from the pen Of
Govner Morrill,, of Maine, or Doctor Watts, and
L disremember whitch. / like your skool
houses, your meetin houses your enterprise,
gumpshun, &C., but your favorit Bevrige L de-
spise allude to New Englan Rum 1t is
wuss nor the kind Of whisky of Injianna, whitch
eats threw stun jugs & will turn the stummack
OF the most shiftlis Hog. / seldum seek conso-
lashun in the flowing Bole, but tother dsy |
wurrid down sum Of your Rum. The fust glass
induced me to sware like ainfooriated trooper.
On takin the seckund glass was seezed with a
desire to brake winders, d arter imbibin the
tlufd gla | kno,kt small boy down, pickt
MS pocket of New York Ledger and wildly
commenced readin Sylyanus KObb's last tail.
verify do bleeye that if Ide histed in another
glass shood hsv bin desperit enuff to attack
the Mount Vernon Papers .rrr.
Its dreffuI stuf-a sort Of Iickwid litenin
got up under the personal supervishun of the
deyll-tears mems inards all to peaces and
makes their noses blossum as the lobster. Shun
it as you wood wild hyenny with fire brand
tied to his tale, while you air abowt it you
VIII do first rate thing fur yourself and every
body abOwt you by shunnin all kinds of intox-
icatin lickers. You don't need 'em no NOR n a
cat needs tales sayin nothin abowt the trouble
and sufferin they cawse. But unless your in
nsrds air cast iron avoid New Englan's favorit
Bevrige. My frens Tine dun [ tear myself
away from you with tears in my eyes & plea
SAINT oder of Onyuns abOwt my close In the
langwidge of Mister Catherine to the Romuns
go but perhaps shall cum back agin. Adoo,
Peple OF Wethersfeld. Be virtoous you'll be
happy"