The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1859-12-01
Sheets on Matrimony.

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California is responsible. as far as we
can ascertain, for the following life ex.
periences. II is limited at as an extract
from that famous romance, by nobody
in particular, called The New York Fire.
man, or the Heiress Of Bond Street,
This remarkable work is generally sup.
posed to be the Joint production Of a mum.
Der Of literary gentlemen. and was ori
ginally published uniform with Appletons S
Encyclopedia Of Ignorance. In the ex
tract Sheets, Jr.. is replying seriatim to
the ques'ion-"ls your family opposed to
matrimony." And Sheets, ,Jr., replies:
"Wal. no, rather guess not, seeing
as how my mother has had four hus-
bands, and stands pretty smart chance
of having another
"Fcur husbands? Is it posisbe!'
"U. yes you see my mothers christian
name was Mehtable Sheets, and dad s
name was Press; and when they got
married the printers said curious things
about them. When l was born they said
l was the first edition. And you see,
mother was used 10 be the tarnalest crit
ter to go TO evening meetings. She used
to 60 out pretty late every night, and dad
was afraid I'd get in the same habits, so
he used to put me to bed at early CANDLE
light, cover me up with pillar, and put
me to sleep with boot jack. Wal, dad
had to get up every night and let moth.
er in; il he didn't get down and open The
door pretty darned quick. when she
come in he'd ketch particular thunder; SO
dad used to slee p with his head out of
the winder SOS to wake up quick. and
one night he got his head a little too far
out nd g Tipped out altogether and Go n
dad KUN, kafumix, right down on the
pavement, and smashed him in ten thous.
and pieces"
"What! was he killed by the fall?"
"Wal, no not edzactly by the fall.--
I rather kinder sorter guess as how it was
the sudden fetch up on the pavement that
killed him. But nam she KUN hum, and
found him lying scattered thar, and she
had him swept up together, and put in a
ceffin, and had hole dug in the bury.
ing ground. and had dad put in and bur-
led up, and had white oak plank put
up to his he'd. and had it whitewashed
all over for tombstone"
80 your mother was left a poor lone
widow"
"Wal, yes but she didn't mind that
much, wasn't long before she married
Sam Hide. You see she married Hide
becaused he was just about dads size
and she wanted him 10 ware out dads
old clothes. Wal, the way old Hide used
to hide me was caution to my hide
Hide had )ee;le the toughest hide ex-
cept bulls hide, aud the way Hide used
10 hide away liqnor in his hide was a
caution, even to bulls hide. Wal, one
cold day Hide got his hide SO full Of whis-
key that he pitched head first into
and there be stuck and froze
10 death. So nam had him pulled out.
and then she had another hole dug in the
buryipg ground, and had him buried,
and then she had another white oak plank
put at his head. and white washed all
over, and-."
$50 your mother was again wild.
W." /
"Oh, yes but guess she didn't, lay
wake nights long to think about it for
n about three weeks she married John
be was the strongest headed
uss you ever did see. He went fishing
he other day. and got drowned, and he
vas so tarnel strong headed. III be dar-
ed to tainaiion If be didn't float right