Des Arc citizen., 1859-07-13
M1scHLIANEoUs ITRns.

11SCELLANEQVe 1TE4e. eaeh
 ssI say, Jack, lad, dost want . pIaes2 Master wants fool.o ssAye, indeed, ," replied Jack, "wan' asfooL does hep Then you sfS going to leave, or does be want coupler sss
 "A lazy, over-fed lad returning from 'his dinner to his work one day, was asked by his master If he had no other motion than that, I"Yes," replied the youth, drawling out each letter; ssbut it's little slower."s .mr
 DISTRESSED FArHER.-sI am sure don't know what to do with my boy Tom. He has acquired such an invetsrate habit of lying.D Sympathizing neighbor. -" Make diploma- tist of him, sir, and his fortune is made.y
 -According to Alfonzo, King of Aryagon, there are only four things in this world worth living for, sold wine to drink, old wood to burn, old books to read, and old friends te talk with.o .s
 -sYou exhibit great deal of vanity madam, in always telling what others thfnhof you" "It would certainly bs no vanity 5s you, sir, to tell what the world thinks of yon.1
 When Suwarrow was defeated in S,Fits zerland, some person told the King of PrussiA of tha bombastic proclsmation which thstG Gtn- eral had issued. "Bahi" said the King, sS9e warrow resembles drum he makss no noIse till he Is bcaten.' ys''aFe M
 -'sTather, have you seen anything of ny bonnet? I must have left it in thia room z sssNo, my dear, have not but ! Will takeny microscope and look for it." .ss.s..
 -"Prisoner stand upl Are you guilty or not guilty?n HFaith, do you think Pdbs a4ter telling the work of the jury, when thy aFa paid for it? I'll let them find 1t ont " @ asa
 "A pretty girl and wild horse are liable to do much mischief for one runs away with a fellows body, and the other runs away with his heart. 9sa s .gsa a.ssa sss9 so
 "A gentleman rode up to public heuss In the country, and asked, < Who is tho matter of this housc?n s'I am, sir," replied the land. lord ssmy wife has been dead about three weeks.v ae sxF WE
 --"What arc you doing ? asked . mothsr of her little girl. ssPlsying school" was tho reply. ssBut it is Sunday to-day" "I know it," said the child, ssso ! am playing Sunday school. ? FAsN s I "A frantic fair correspondent says that the ladies are beginning to give UP society, be- cause they encounter nothing but spotlt boys and premature old men. ssss. LA political economist estimates tho amount of money spent every year by Amsris cans, in travelling for pleasure, to be forty millions of dollars.
 --As a razor is best whetted in oils % wit is setsharpest by politeness. The lackof sdgs in both is discoverable from the offence or pain they give. l K N lsa.
 IA good cure f6f dyspep.i. i. to collect bills for newspaper. If that don't give you an appetite, you may as well ssllyou stomach l for tripe, and be done with it. Isa s8
 When Kentucky Judge, some ysars since, was asked by an attorney, upon soms strange ruling. eIs that law, your Honor T" he replied: ssIf the Court understand hersshs and she think she do, it arel" & 1 "A Judge in Cincinnati is said to have 50 much REAL ESTATE ON HIS HANDS, that nothing short of soap and water can relieve him. This calls to mind Charles Lambs re mark to a person of rather unclean sdigiiss while playing cards. "Well," said he, ssif dirt were trumps, what hand you'd have" "A mother was instructing her danghtsr in the duty of prayer, and the sure answers given to believers, and proceeded to repeat the Lords Prayer. When she came to the clause, "Giye us this day our daily bread" tho little l one broke out with, 70, mother, say cake, say l cake"
 --A French magistrate, noted for his loss I of the pleasure of the table, speaking one day I to friend, said: sWe have just been eating n superb turkeyj 1t was excellent, stuffed to the neck, tender, delicate, and of high flavor.
 We left only tho bones" How many q you were there {" said his friend. "Two," replied 4 the magistrate, 'sthe turkey and myself" { CURE FOR SsoaINo.--An n inventive Yankee
 has produced an apparatus which hs claims Is cure for snoring. It fastens upon the mouth gutta peacha tube, leading to the tympannm of the ear. Whenever the snorer snores, ha himself feels the first impression, finds how disagreeable it is, and, of course, reforms. We predict n active sale of the article in married , circles sa{4ta