Smyrna times., 1859-09-08
WAITS AND STRAYS.
Promised Inheritance.


countryman of the dullest aspect appeared
? before justice, to complain that he could moi
get possession of an inheritance, coming to hin
from his aunt. The justice directed him, there
upon, to obtain a certificate of death from the
pastor OF his auntS village, and the necessary
steps should be taken to secure him the nherl.
lance In day or two the man returned, and
; complained that the pastor refused to give him
the certificate, for the reas on that his aunt was
yet alive. And you did not know it Z" asked
the Judge. OF course, your honor knew
size wasn't dead but it was time got the in.
herItance she promised the long enough ago"
An Eye to Business.
Son;e one has remarked somewhere that il
is ludIcrOus sight to behold physician at
tending his patients funeral; it looks SO like a
tailor taking home his work.
Origin of Good Stories.
AS the erceSS Of anything is absurd. the ex-
cess OF stupidity may even be drolI; in fact, it
might be question whether good stories ori-
gInate most often from wit or stupidity.
Isr other and Sister.
"Have pity on poor blind woman" cried
an athletic beggar man to passer-by "You
must be mad as well as blind" was the answer
"you look more like stout able man, than a
poor blind woman" "Ah, SIR" replied the
oeggar, that's true enough: but as | took the
pace OF my poor blind sister that's dead, have
10 go on with the business in her name, and if
SAID was strong man, of course nobody
would pity me-"
Passing Away.
"Ah, Joe! since you've been to the city, the
black OK died without any notice whatever"-
Gracious mercy !" replies Joe, " how fast we
are all passing away"
A Good Motto.
"Strke while the iron is hot " is an excel. |
lent motto; but still more striking one for
man is this Make the iron hot by striking |
it,"
Practice makes Perfect.
"Oh, Jacob" said master to his apprentice
boy, ut is wonderful to see what a quantity
you can eat" Yes, MASTER" replied the boy;
81 have been practcing since was a child"
a Contradiction in Nature.
Pupil to Teacher.-" What are those berries
growing on the thorny busiest" Teacher.-
" They are GlackJerries." Pupil But they
look quite red." Teachcr.-'. That is because
they are quite green"
Literal Servant.
Major B had servant whose simplicity
was almost incredible. When the ma jor told
him to deny him to all visitors he carried out
the order, 10 the exclusion of the ma jOr's own
brother. When instructed, then, by his MASTER
that he was always at home to his brother, John
so well remembered his instructions, that when
the brother next called, he was immediately
shown in; but after waiting half an hour
alone, he summoned John, to know the reason
of the majors non-appearance The literal ser
want told hIm, very simply, that the ma jor had
gone out to dinner, but that the general order
was, always al home TO my brother" On the
next occasion, John received still more explicit
orders and if the ma jor's brother should call in
his absence, he was To be told that Major B
was gone to the generals to dinner. John.
how ever, fearful of again making a mistake. ;
rushed into the dinIng-rOo some time after, \
where his ma ster sat at table, al the generals,
and, in an anxious voice, exclaimed " But
major, what am 10 say if your brother does =.
not call at all 20
German Proverbs.
Self is the man." says German proverb a
This proverb applies equally to loomen. Ano- :
her excellent one is this: No messenger c
leceives him who inquiries himself THIS is G
mother: "Tlme brings roses" Equally good i
5 this: "a hobby- y-horse often costs more than c
riding horse" &c Iod days have fleet legs" I
should suggest caretulness aud torelhought.- e
Yet one more In the cup are drowned more I
han 10 the sea "--HOme Journal. a
.