Arkansas true Democrat., 1859-05-11
MORNING, MAY Il, 1858
9u' Lovingood's Love-feast of varmints;
 held at Nashville, March 2atb ana oo.h

|. ou never hearn, George, how got into Dig meetm owe valmints to Nashville an how dulnd nj cum gittin ove myself 6xt tor haplness an halujah bevant the orava fur gwlne amung 'em Ketch me evor mlNln owe myself up again with pole cats eoons, groun-hogs, minks, house-rats boss,. ats, hell-cats, weazels, mus-rats whorf rats, ouli-bats, owls, buzzards, water-dogs wild boars, bell weathers, po,sums. moles grub worms an tumble-bugs, when thev,s III neat an holdln love-feast, when all ar ekal an on the squar, and every cussed wnn ove'em actin out hits mater in hits mos on- sanctlf1ed parts. l kotch big skeer what halnt over yet. Look at that ar foot how hit trembles, (holding out his long leg at right angles;) hit shakes vet like unto a green gall when feller thfetens tn waller her at quiltin Oh dun these quarterly meetlns owe permiscus varmints, ove the Sneakln an stealth sort, whar good does. an steel traps, an guns aint allowed tn cum. Sum lnfurnel devilment's agwine tu cum owe hit sartin. Ise studied the natter ove beaStes monsous well, particular the mean klnd owe varmlnts, case l spose thev's sor- teIk III tn me, an l tell you, sure es youre born. when they meets by wagein loads tn hold a pow WOW, hit don't mean eny good tn eny crltter but thar sefs had follow ed terbacker waggin tn Nashville an sot Tn tn slungin roun in the openest part ove town, whar I'd have room tn run in case eny lmedjut vexashun owe spirit overtuck I me. Thar wer big tavrn on wun side owe open lot an they had mt tuck the scaf- 1 tiln down yet from the front and hits bin thar nj ontu forty years; and on luther side the lot wer monsous long shed an biz at the alnds like ontu silkwum what youse pulled in two an lief a hangin by the gut, an Tn the middle wer orful big griste mill UT terbackerstemery deserted, an hit lief tn take keer ove hits sci like unto mos things in this we're yeath am.
 Well, when l got in site owe the tavirn l never seed Jist sich a site in all my bornd days; all that ar scatfolin wer kivered with all the varmnts I've norated tn you. a clim- bln the postes, hangin by thar tails from the wlnder shutters, a sittin on thar starns m the wlnders, racin and playin on the rui1 rastln and sham -ftin ontu the pave ment, stickln to the door posts, rushin tugether aitera piece owe cold chicken flung into the back yard, all then fitin over hit. every Varmlnt uSin ove his natral wepuns. rldin wun anuther down stars, a smellin at peoples coat tails a runnn thar fore paws inter the over coat pockets what wer a hangIn ontu the wall an aIookin luther way all the time.
 Gronn hogs a pickin the dirt outen thar tails an a sliiin on thar hine anl acros, the rune. Moles tryin tn bore holes in the walls owe the tavrin mnks 'zaminin "Ne the chicken coops; coons growth at l poSSrmS about the respective size, beauty. an proporShnns ove thar tales, rats smell in around the corners owe peoples har trunks ar a eatin the paste outcn the flow cred caIllcker what kivercd the walls: cats T Smelin owe thar tails and a makin passes at the rats, when ole coon, monsous grey SO ole that the rings ontu his tail he'd al- most faded out, would jump atween 'em. wash hls face with his paws as much as to >ay no htn' among his frien's at a love- teas'. He he'd a bell tied roun his neck an hit tinckled when he'd rack roun the room. They sorter wer teard owe him, I never did see jst Sich kerrien on in all my bornd days. They hat tuck perseshun owe the tavrin bodily, an you could see'em rackin, in an out owe amost evry house in town. an ove all the hungry devils you could skeer up in weeks travil among the sand hills. thev wer the hungrest; not durnel wun owe 'em he'd tasted a morsel since 1852, an you may Jlst guess how they looked Why they wer plumb crazy, an eff they aint fed purty soon sum orful calamity will cum <; and they all says so
 Now all these shines an kerrins on tuck place in broad day lite, so you may know how they did when night cum on. As sthat IS the varmlnt's day time they poured outen tavrin in solid sluce, and observed that amost every ,'coon toted onother varnint owe sum sort ontu his back, (thev loves tn ride coons) an aimin fur the terbacker Stemmery out in the middle owe the lot So l sorter sneaked in arter them. Well thar they wer. redy fur work, an l know you wont believe me, but l understood the most they sed. Pse been mixed up with wild beastes all my life, an so 1 list listen ed tn lurn eff could what the devil this in undashun owe the varmints meant env how. An ole rusty he grounhog sat up on aind on wlnder sill, and sed that he nowd monstrous well how thar tastes fur wills differed. "The coon thar Ca pintin to the ole bull feller with the bell on) loves ole hens monsous we'll" Here the bell coon lnterlered tu say " he did like ole hens but dam thar cacklin and scratchin, he list wanted tn make his record right" an sot down.
 The groun hog then went on tn say that the possum had a weakness fur simmons: the rat loved cheese and meal the mink went in fur pulletts blood, an he might add the weasel as agreeing with the possum on hot p'm The skunk loved strong diet, an the buzzard did'n care a dam what he ct so hit he'd been dead long enough before hand, and he mout show that every animil m that rune differed as tn whot they loved tn eat. but all wer alike in lovin tn eat sumthln or uther an he wer redy to swar that not wun owe em he'd tasted bite fur seven years. They wus starvin an he'd met here tn plan out sum way 10 get sum vittels, an they ment tu hey hit; and he hoped sum one would offer some plan what could be kerlld out tn the gittin ove thar bellys full and he pulled up with his tail roun his nose. A varmint then cimed up ontu a box tn make a talk, an durn me eff over hev been so bothered in all my life tn make out what hit was. At fust 1 tuck hit fur a ole billy goat rum hits gray beard an wore-out looks. l happened tn look away fur mint, an hit he'd changed powfui; hits har weres black es a mink, an all slick ed up, an hit wer shaped like ontu coon. In fac hit changed shape an color every time l looked away. Hit gin me sorter skeer, hit wer so many beasts at onst.- That hit were beastes owe sum sort I knowed by his FooT. 1 wish 1 list how'd what sort owe bait would catch it. Bar mum ud gin me forty barrills owe whiskey fur hit an make at that. How would bar trap do baited with an 'oman or fat of. flee? l mean tn try the experiment.
 Well while hit wer in hits black an shi- ney shape, hit talked sum, set hit thought the varmints had orter bild platform, an be again every thing septin of God amity, big craps and cheap whisky. Thought them three septions would take among the varmints and ketch sum humans an so on