Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-04-28
Are Women the Best Orators when
they Want a Dress?

they Want a Dress?
Yes-and when they want anything
else-or don't want anything at all-in
all places at all times-and on all sub
jects, they are the best orators. Il can
fight" says a wise man, bears, tigers
and wolves but | cannot conquer a wo-
mans tongue" But we have now only
to prove that they are mastery orators
upon the dress question. Can they talk
dresses out Of us? | appeal to every
man who has a wife, a sister, or a mother,
and bid him say, if he has not been sub
dued, again and again, on this very point?
Why, my friend, look at the pleas and
arguments to which they resort.
Suppose now Johnny is married ; he
takes a pretty little wife-thinking it will
cost less to clothe her. She gets him into
a store, selects a dress at so much per
yard.
How many yards ?" asks the clerk.
"Twenty-fve," answers the fair one.
my DEAR" says Johnny, " haven't you
made a mistake?-twenty-tive yard would
cover our church steeple, and you are
only four feet three
"No matter, my dear; when the floun.
ces are made, the dress will be scant."
The poor man finds out that he has
saved nothing by marrying a little girl,
and that it will cost four or Eve times as
much to- clothe her as he expected.
A few days pass Tittlewinks wants
another dress, and her lord protests
Now observe how she manages she ap.
~proaches with
PLEA No. 1-TAMELY, H PERSUASIVE
PLEA.-Oh, how hard he has to fight l.
She tells him how she loves him-smooths
his hair, calls him a king-asks if he has
the heart to deny her. If he says he has,
she proceeds to-
PLEA No. 2-OR H DESTITUTE PLEA.
She informs him Of the fact that she
has nothing to wear, and says a man is a
brute who would not give his wife some
thing to wear. That she is not fit to be
seen. That people will cry shame ON him.
In vain he says that " beauty u~nadorned
is adorned tue most" She asks if he can
be so mean as to refuse her? If he says
yes she proceeds o.
PLEA No. Son THE PoUTING Plea
This consists more Of gesture than speech.
She sits at the tabA~with her little nose
turned up, and her little eyes turned
down. She cats little, till he goes to
business signs often, and walks about
the house like a bad tempered ghost
She speaks only to say "she does not
care" and " she knew it would be 500
and it served her just right" Should
he dare to say, it did" she proceeds to
PLEA No. 4-oR TIL PROPERTY PLEA.
She politely asks for the little money
she had when she was married certainly
she can do whatsh wishes with her own?
In fact, she had no property when they
were married all her worldly goods con
sisted Of a few worsteds, and knitting
pins ; but these knitting pins she always
pokes in his eyes, unless she conquers him
before she gets to plea No. 4. Should
even this fail she proceeds to-
PLEA No. 5-oR H COMPARATIVE
PLEA.-All her departed lovers are made
to pass before the unhappy man, and he
is compared with them one by one. If
she had married Mr.. SHOCKS, She. e.,
the coachman-would have a livery. Ii
she had married Mr.. Swizzle, she would
have lived in style OH the avenue. lfshe
had married-in fact, anybody but her
husband-she would have been treated
like a human being. He, perhaps, be.
comes a little angry, and suggests if she
had married Adam she would have dres,
sed like Eve! But as she has married
him she must wear what be can give her.
This rouses her temper, and she
Immediately %
PLEA No. 5-oR THEPLEA CONCLUSIVE.
Which consists of a threat to 90 to her
mother, and many upbraidings that he
brought L.er away from the joys of her
own home, to abuse and make her miser-
able.
Now, no mar was ever able to stand
all these pleas. He generally falls at
No. one ; and onlgin-sxtreme cases gets
to No. six. So is woman able to work
upon the affections Of man, by her pleas
for dress, that he is ready to 60 into debt,
or to steal the article wanted. The pow
er is possessed by no other class of ora
tors. Hence we conclude that WOMEN
ARE THE BEST ORATORS, WHEN THEY WANT
A DRESS.