The Potter journal. [volume] (Coudersport, Pa.) 1857-1872, 1859-07-07
From the Lewisto,cn, (Pa.) Gazette
Catalogue of the Worlds Col
lQ@p.
FACULTY

guilty.
ALCOHOL, Professor of Tippling, Brandy
Smashes, Mashed Heads and Noses.
SwINDLE WILDCAT, Professor of En-
craving, Penmanship and Forgery
VIRGINIA UPLAND, Professor of Chew
ing and Smoking.
BEELzEBUB FoULMoUTH, Professor of
Lying and Swearing.
JEZABEL OILYToNGUE, Professor of Sc
ducuon.
PETER FUNK, Professor ofStuffed Watch
es, Mock Auctions and Bogus Jewelry.
LAZY LoUNGER, Professor of Idleness
and Tutor in the Street Schools.
This old and hitherto fourishing insti-
tuition is still in progress. It's objects
and claims we will present for your con-
sideration.
The College year is not divided into
sessions, as is the case of other institu-
tions of learning There is but one ses-
sion, and that continues throughout the
year. However, the number of pupils
uIHeTS uuTluS tHe SedSOHS
Candidates for admission into our halls
of learning must bring some testimony of
immoral character. One of the best evil
dences Of immortality that can be produc-
ed by juvenile candidates, is the ability
to smoke "Hayana," to eject with grace
the colored fluid from mouth we'll filled
with "Honeydew" or "Pigtail," OF to
quote Scripture in such a manner as to
give foul expression to language and make
young people appear manly. Upon ey
idence that you are lazy, and, as neces-
sary consequence, out of employment, we
will onter your name upon our list of as
pirants to the highest honors our institu-
tion can confer. No one will be admit
ted into the Preparatory department un-
til he is sable to run in the streets" and
steal pennies and cakes from his mother.
1t is desirable that applicants be in their
teens, but any age will suit US. In fact
we claim all children who can tell good
from evil, and knowing the evil, do 1t
with all diligence. We particularly ad-
wise those youth who are out of funds to
join our College classes, for our policy is
to give employment to all who enter our
lists, so as to enable them to accumulate
great fortunes by means of lotteries, for
geries, shoplifting, counterfeiting, burgla-
ry, murder, incendiariSm, liquor selling,
gambling, circuses, &c.
The whole catalogue of crime will be
thoroughly indoctrinated into our pupils.
In order to further the interests of our
cause, we would call the special attention
of parents to the fact that if they wish
their children to graduate with the high
est honor-the gallows-they must be
sure to set an evil example before them
continually. You must encourage them
in all manner of petty theft, always take
their part when they are wrong, let them
be on the street at all hours of the night,
select for them the worst companions in
the community, teach them TO "swear,
smoke and chew" keep them from attend
ing Sabbath school for fear they we'll learn
something good, and teach them how man.
| ly it looks to swallow glass of brandy in
the public bar-room. 1t is not essential
ly necessary that candidates for admission
should be expert in all these branches, as
they will be thoroughly instructed there
in after they enter.
COURSE OF STUDY.
Freshman Glass. = Disobedience to
Mothers, Dlsrespect to Fathers, Lying
and Petty Stealing, Swearing begun, Ap-
plication of Mathematics to Pecuniary
Advancement commenced, Chewing and
Smoking begun.
Sophomore Class.-Gambling begun,
Lock Picking, Laziness, Counterfciting
begun, Drinking Ardent Spirits, Sabbath
Breaking, Evils of Religious Training,
Fanaticism of Preachers and Uselessness
of Doctors of Divinity.
Junior Class. = Counterfelting CON-
pleted, Forgery, Robbery, Adultery and
Fornication, Drinking continued, Gam
bling completed.
Senior Gass-Murder, Incendiarism,
Forgery completed, Seduction, Rape.
Public examinations will be held quar-
terly before his Honor the Judge of the
Quarter Sessions, and those meriting hon.
ors will be promoted to the County Pris-
on or seat in the Penitentiary, accord
ing to the faithful diligence and progress
of their studies. The highest honor will
be a seat in the "Eastern Palace" at
Philadelphia, or a SWING between heaven
and earth.
Certificates of honor will be given dur
ing the College course which will enable
the recipient thereof to enter the society
of the ignorant and wicked. These GER
tifcates of honor consist of black eyes,
red noses, bloated faces, swelled heads,
DETAINED characters, and delirium tremens.
EXPENSES.
Parents wishing to send their children