The Yazoo Democrat. [volume] (Yazoo City, Miss.) 1858-18??, 1859-08-20
Artemas WARDS 4th of July orat

| Artemas Wards 4th of July OratiOn.
"Artemas Ward" the quaint Western humor
ist, publishes his Fourth of July Grafton in tht
Oleaveand Plaindealer, with the following pre-
face:
Suns | send herewith synopsis of the sked
yuls Of my orashun on the 4th of July, at Weth
ersfeld. Please correct the spelin and punctooatt
it in proper stile. spoke two hours, & wal
ninety six minutes passing given pint. Their,
was between two hundred persons present who
with open mouths and closed eyes listened to mt
with strict attention.
| The oration itself is perfect gem, and one Of
the best things that Artemas has yet gotten off
We subjoin an extract or two. After the usual
apostrophe to the Goddess of Liberty, he says:
" ! haint time to notis the growth of Ameriky
frum the time when the Mayfower cum over in
the Pilgrim and brOwt Plymouth Rock with them.
but every skool boy nose our kareer has been tre-
menjs. You viii excuse me if | don't prase the
erly settlers of the Kolonies. People which hung
idiotic old wimmen for witches, burnt holes in
Quaker's tongues and consigned their feller crit
ters to the treadmil and pillory on the slightest
proyocation may have been very nice folks in their
way, but I must confess don't like the stile and
will drop them all. l spose they meant WE'LL and
so on in the novel and teaching langwidge of the
nusepapers, "peas to their ashis" Thare wus
no diskount however, On them brave men who
fit, bled and died in the American Revolushun.
We needn't be afraid of setting them too steep.
Like my Show, they will stand heap of praze.
see much to admire in New Englan. Your
gals in particular air abowt as snug built pieces
of Calliker as l ever saw. They are fully equal
to the corn fed gals of Ohio and Iniianny, and
win make the besest kind of wives. 1t seems to
sets my Buzzum on fire to look at em.
Be still my sole, be still,
s. you, Hart stop cuttn up!
Which affectin lines is either frum the pen of
Governor Morrill,, of Maine, or Watts, and dis
remember which. like your skool houses, your
meetin' houses, your enterprise, gumshun, &C.,
but your favorite Beeverige despse. alude to
New Englan Rum it is wuss nor the kind of
whisky of Iniianny, which eats threw stun jugs
and will turn the stomach of the most shiftiless
Kog. ......
| seldom seek consoashdn ii the flowing bole
but tother day world down sum of your Rum.
Tie fust glass induced me to swear like a infoori.
ated trooper. On takin the sec1nd glass | was
see2ed with desire to brake Winders, and after
imbibing the third glass knoct a small boy
down. pict his pocket of New York Ledger, and
wildly Commenced teadin Sylvauus Kobb's last
Tail verify do bleeve that if Ide histed in an
other glass shood hav bin despsrl enuff to attack
the Mount Vernon papers
It's dfedful stuff-a sort of ltkwid litsnin got
up under the personal supervishut of the devil
tears mems inards all to peaces, and makes their
noses blOssum as the Lobster. Shun it as you
wood wild hyenny with o 6te brand tied to his
tale, and while you are abowt it you will do first
rate thing fur yOtrself and everybody abowt you
by stunning all kinds of intoxicating lickers
You don't need 'em no morn cat needs tales,
saying nothing ab0wt the trouble and sufferin
they cause. But unless your inards are cast iron
avoid New Englan's favorite Beeverige.
My friends Tine dun. tear mysef away frum
you with tears in my eyes and a pleasant odOr of
0nyuns abowt my close. In the lanwidge OF Mis-
ter Catherine to the Rummuns, 60 but perhaps
shall cum back agn. Adoo, peple of Wethers-
ield. Be virtoous & you'll be happy.