Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-09-09
EunMygraphs.

pT 1t is exceedingly bad husbandry t
Aarrow up the feelings OF your wife.
~ Mrs. Partington asks very indigr ant
ly, ii bills before Congress are not counter
fsit Why SHOULD there be such difficulty i
passing them.
A SRLL.-That was horrible affair-th
murder of Dean, and the sealing up'of hi
remains in q tin box "What Dean 2
asked half-dozen voices at once. Why
Sar-dea,s, of course, was the pungent reply.
"No levity."
A CALI SroRY.-A country newspaper
recording the running down of cow OF
the railway, said, sit was Gu: into calves.
An astonshea naturalist waited on the edl
tor, for what the auctioneers call ''furthe
information" and received it in the follow
ing form: 'Erratum-Fur calves rea(
halves.' .
It 10 the custom for many parents tt
take their entire family to camp meeting
and to prevent confusion, the little chiidre,
have tickets pinned 10 their dresses, will
the number Of the tent they occupy written
thereon. At recent camp meeting at Mar
tha's Vineyard, Mass bright little lac
was observed among the throng OF visitors
who was ticketed thus: TENT No. IL
Do not give this boy any candy"
GTProf. Wise in his last trans county
mental voyage from Lafayette to the sea
board, alighted in the middle Of the road
short distance south Of Crawtordvlle-
In making his descent he asked an lrishman
who was blowing in field near by, to catch
hold of his grapnel rope and assist him in
landing. "Howly Mother - was Paddy {
reply, 'sars ye the dvil that would be after
dragging me to purgatorys ~ and he refused
any assistance.
TA very ignorant, but very fopp'sl
young fellow, going into booksellers shol
with a relation, who went thither to bu!
something he wanted, seeing his cousin
look into a particular book, asked him why
that made him smile. "Why," answered
the other. ssthis book is dedicated to you,
let me look at it, for ! never knew thai
I had such an hon,r done me-" Upon
which, taking it into his hands, he found ii
Perkins Catechism, dedicated to all igno-
rant persons"
REAsoN FOR WINE DRINkINa.-N. P. Will
liz, in his play of s'Turtosa the Usurer,' -
makes one of the characters say that "ever
since the food the water has had the taste
of sinners,' and therefore he preferred wine.
He probably obtained this dloll idea from
a German poet, whose lines we have seen
thus translated
"Then to the Lord old Noah said,
Tho water now tastes vert bad,
pecaas. there have heen drowned therein
Ali te,sts and mankind in their sin;
Ills, thei efore, Lord, I even think,
would prefer somr other drink"
~"Ahv - said Mrs Partington, as she
stood looking at the placards stuck all over
the front of q store advertising damaged
goods for sale. "This," said she, SIS what is
meant by Mr.. Jaqnets, whore he says:-
Sweet are the uses Of advertisement; butt F."
and here she ran against the word d,m-
aged, making it into two words instead of
oae-"but though the goods are damaged,
I do not see the use OF putting it on quite
81 strong-so much stronger than the good
are. Idare say" Ike here pulled her sleeve,
at the sa,ns time kicking big dog on tht
nose, which WAS smelling at her "ridicule, y
~ she termed it.
~ A love.sick, swain in order more
fully to ascertain the mind of his ''lady
lovc,' closed letter with the following
verse:
"If you were dog ard was hog,
A reotin' away in ths y .rd
If the old man should cay, sDrive that hog way,
Would you worry or bite very hard Z"
An exchange says o sentiment so sublime
deserves an answer, and ventures to suppose
the lsdy's reply:
"When am dog and you are hog,
wandering from the sty,
ia not breathe or bark, but oaly remark,
Go it, porkie, root hog or die!"
AN INTERESTING SToRY.-ssShon, mine
ehon," said worthy German father to his
heir of ten years, whom he had overheard
using profane language 'sShon, mine shon
come here and will tel you one little sto-
ries. Now, mine shon, shall it pc true
story, or a makes peleve ?''
''Oh, true story, OF course" answered
John.
s'Ferry veil den. Dere vas once a good
nice old shentleman (shoost like me,) and
he had von dirty boy (shoost like you.)
And Won tay he heard him schwearing like
young fi!lain as TO was. SO he vent t,
ter winkle (corner) ant he took ont raw
hides, (shoost as am tooing) and he took
der iddle dirty liddle plackgaurd py de
collar (dis way you see,) and he vollopet
him shoost so !! And den, mine tear shon
he bulls his ears dis way, and dells him t.
go mitout his supper, shoost as you wilt dc
dis eteniDg."
MRS. PARTINGToN ON CRINoLINE.-"Well
what on earth are you doing now 2" sale
Mrs. Partington, with tone of anxiety il
her voice, and large spoon in her hand, a.
Lion rushed into the kitchen, followed BY
Ike. J he dog was almost covered up will
q thick, coarse, coffee bag, and in perfec
sympathy with Ike, who was laughing tre
mendously, he wagyed his caudality as i
he liked the fun. "What 'pon 'arth ar,
YOU doing now7" was question tha
called for an answer, and Lion locke up il
the old lady's face with his IL outh open ant
eyes glistening, as much as to say, "Lool
at me, Mistress p, tor am all dressed VI
you see." But he didn't say anything
THAT'S crenoline, Aunt" said Ike, "don'
you think it's very becoming2" 'Yes, de
clare,' said she, 81 think it comes over hin
a great deal, but you had better take it of
for it makes him look very rediculous.''-
"It's oil the fashion," said Ike. Gan til,
fiddle stieks,'' replied she, land how sl oul,
l look in the fashion, all hooped up like
wash.tub2 Shouldn't | look we'll? No
dear, no. don't want to pretend to b.
more than really am and if haven
been made as unanimous as some, dom
want to cast reflections on high heaven 70
not making me no larger, by rigging OF
artificial sspportion. 1t used to be the re
mark of Elder Stick that every tub shoul
stand on it's own bottom, and want to SO
folks Just as they are. And noo, what ar
YOU at =" cried she, breaking off the subjec
shorter than pie crust; and we'll she might
for Lion wss parsding the floor in great g!ee
with one of the danes night-caps on hi
head, tied snugly under his chin, with grea
oompiacency. "Dear me, s,n afraid you
predestination will not be very good one
il you 60 On 20 and little boys who plagu
their aunts don't 20 TO heaven, by . grea
eight" said she. droppibg into chair. Sh
was much subdued by this, and Ike takin
- a