Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-03-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

A NEW DoxoLoaY.-One of the illitera te
who "had call to PREACH" recently set his
congregation on the broad grin, at the close
of hammer and tongs sermon, by request
ing them to s'Sing the Sockdologer."
"AL! William home from the wars ?
Where is the brother who went with you p
-"Ah, me! we left our mother together.
One of US was killed. How can bear to
tell her which one it was p
PAr's IDEA OF REVENGE" Well, Pat, Jim
my didn't quite kill you with brick bat,
did he 2"-"No, but 1 wish he had."-
"What for $50 that l could have
seen him hung, the villain!''
e. All politeness is owing to liberty
We polish one another, and rub off our cor
ners and rough sides, by sort Of amicable
collision. To restrain this is inevitably to
bring rust upon mems understanding.
els them old fellers alive yet p"
said an urchin to the teacher.
what old persons do yon "ean, my
dear i''
"why Paul, Luke and Deuteronomy, and
them"
PORTER. "A man praising porter, said it
was so excellent beverage that tax en- III
great quantities, it always made him fat.
II have seen the time when it always made
you lean" s'When, should like to know
said the eulogist. "Why. no longer than
last night--against q wall"
50 Aunt Mary, whilst going along the
street the other day, saw ON tsilor's door
sign bearing the inscription, GO The Foun-
tain of Fashion, "Ah 70 exclaimed she,
~. l. tbn fiofe M q
FROM" at the same time casting malignant
cipient whiskers and standing collars. A
woman of great perception is our Aunt
Mary. ...
~ at hotel in New York, recently, an
old gentleman came down stairs and in
oured of the clerk whether he had any tai
low candles. Being informed that he could
be supplied with tallow dips, the old gentle
man said: "Then I wish you'd give me
some; want something can blow out,
for I've been Blasting away at that cussed
iigger in my room till rve no wind left." /"
The clerk, by spasmodic effort, kept his
countenance, and ordered up ga pound of
dips to room No."
EAn individual we'll known as a fire.
auent visitor at a neighboring inn, going
home late ore moonlight night, saw the
shadow of the landlo DIS sign, as it made
its distinct outlines on his path. Suppos-
ing that he had prize, he stopped very
carefully to pick it up. Being asked by his
companion, who was more sober than him.
self, what he was after, he replied:
"a pocket handkerchief.
"That is not q pocket-handke y
said his friend. ttit's sign."
ssSign sign Of what 20 ....r
'Sign you're drunk"
u The pastor of the Presbyteriayn
Church in old Hadley, Mass, exchanged
some time ago, with one of the minister.
in the neighborhood, and his horse broke
i loose during the night, and was missing in
morning, which occasioned some little ex'
citement in the quiet New England village
When the clergyman uttered his text in the
morning. which was: ooh! that knew
where / might find him" Job %, '. 3
little fellow jumped NJ and cried out, :"
can tell you, sir-he's in Deacon Little
barn I saw him there not more tina
an hour ago!" The clergyman had to 81
down few moments before he could pro
ceed. ..f
THIRTY MILLIONS FOR SLAvERY-Nor
DINE FOR COMMERCE ON THE LAKRs.--Th
President pocketed the bill making an appr'
priation of $55, 900 for deepening the cham
of St. Clair Flats. Mr. Buchanan sees
impropriety in himself being entrusted wit
$50 900, 900 to negotiate for Cuba, but W
not grant the pittance Of $4,000 for IL
benefit Of the commerce Of the Lakes.