St. Charles City Republican intelligencer. [volume] (St. Charles City [Charles City], Iowa) 1857-1861, 1859-11-03

ior further acquaintance. talked
largely OF my tlourshing mercantile
business in New York, and berred
with fervent cloqucncc the honor of
being made of service to her.
sell u" ih my WOO room, % lighted a cigar sat
down deliberately and dreamed a
dream. dreamed that with q wig of
brown hair, a set of false teeth, lit
tie rouge, a few pounds of cotton, Miss
Ruth Naomi Sapphira Jezebel Thomp-
kins was transported into a very pre-
scntablc middle-aged lady-just the
one to strike the fancy of discreet
bachelor on the shady side of life.
Then | dreamed that she dropped the
Thompkins from her name, and became
Ruth Naomi Sapphira Jczcbcl Hender-
son that we spent our honeymoon
at the White Mountains, and then re-
moved to New York, where Ruth
Naomi's money built and furnished us
IA splendid brown.stonc mansion that
| snapped my fingers IN the faces of
my tallors, hatters, shoemakcrs and
washcrwomcn, rode over the necks of
my false friends, lived in clover a
great many years, and then getting
tired OF such a monotonous existence,
converted Ruth Naomi's landed prop
crty into ready cash, clopcd with pret-
ty, bright-eycd, plump, little; but
where? | believe there's such a thing
as fellows telling too many of his
plans to the public.
The next day | called on Ruth Mao
mi. And the next day | called again.
And the third day | called twice, and
the fourth day three times, and so on
and 50 on in Loves arithmetical pro-
portion. | found her in an out-of-thc-
way place (shc had pointed it out to
me on our first mecting,) domcstica-
ted in a large family, every member of
which collected about my chair on my
first visit--rude, ragged and staring,
as if they had never seen a gentleman
before What a place for her--an in
tcllcctual wealthy woman could
have stranglcd her brother with good
will
TO cut long story short, my dream
badc fair to he realized, for we were
engaged Transporting thought |
was engaged to Ruth Naomi and Ruth
Naomi had nancy IN Tie bank,
Sometimes | fancicd my bctrothed
was trillc singular, both in her re-
marks and behavior But | could
hardly wonder at it. The prospect of
being united to such man was enough
to have turned any woman's brain.
However, as the matter seemed to ad-
nit of but little delay, { | was afraid
her brother would find us out and pre-
vent the wedding, hurried her with
all a lovers ardor, and had but small
amount of time for reflection.
Days passed on, and brought nearer
the evcnttul one on which was to
unite my destiny with that Of the be.
loved Ruth Naomi. Feeling in need
of tritlc of cash, in order to make
those preparations which are so de-
hghtiul to an expectant bridegroom,
had recourse to a stratagcm. 1t seems
that owing to some irregularity in the
mails | had not received my weekly
draft from my banker in New York.
vt least so l told Ruth Naomi. OF
course, it was very embarrassing
position for gentleman of my means
to find himself in, but then if she couia
that is, if she wouldn't think strange
at all--it she roaid-loan me a small
amount, why | should make it all right
as soon as ! heard from the city.
Oh +! yes, with pleasure, Isaac
she answered. Come with me !"
She led the way ont of doors around
the house to large sand-bank, into
which she commenced digging with
both hands.
Do you know am sister to Jonah
who swallowed the whale, and was
caught up to heaven in an ark of bull
rusllcs :" she inquired, while | stood
watching her with horror and amaze
mcmt.
What an eccentric darlin. you
are !" replied and was about to
add something still more tender, when
she clawcd ont of the sand an old, mil
dcwed copper cent, and laying it in
my hand, went to work again
| didn't say word. To say the
least | was puzzled and when, after
twenty consecutive clawings, twenty
mildcwcd coppcrs lay on my palm,
began to feel little quecrish.
There !" she said as she gave me
the last one, that is all have in the
bank. You are welcome to it, Abra-
ham. My brother has the rest
You don't pretend to say" | STAN
mered, turning the pieces over in my
hand, and checking down y strange
sensation that was fast overpowering
me, You don't pretend to say"
But didn't get any farther, for
Ruth Naomi--my beloved Ruth Mao
mi Sapphira Jczebel-sprang at my
face like wild cat She bit mc-shc
scratched me--she pounded me she
thrust her why elbows into my sides,
and her wiry fingers into my hair, un-
til thinking discretion the better part
Of valor," turned and fled.
But didn't escape her. She caught
me Just as | had tumbled into the
arms of a portly, gray-headed gentle
man who was coming round the corner
Of the street.
Take her off take her off !" |
shouted, i'll desperation and | blurt-
ed out the story of my grievances in
less time than it usually takes for me
to make fool of myself.
The only sympathy | obtained was
a roar of laughter, loud and prolonged.
"Why, bless your soul, man ! the
woman's as crazy as loon, and a
town pauper at that !" burst out the
old gentleman, between explosions of
merriment that well-nigh shook his
head from his shoulders. happened
to be oversecr for the poor this year
myself, and know all about her! (Of,
you she.devil, or I'll havo a straight
jacket on you y She was crazed
years ago by a religious excitement,
and has imagined herself as rich as
mud ever since. But she's kind of
harmless critter, and so we've let her