East Saginaw courier. (East Saginaw, Mich.) 1859-18??, 1859-09-15

Swallow again informed his wife that il
was time to get up, coupling his remarks
with the suggestion that in future she
must save him the trouble of reminding
her of so necessary duty.
Mrs. Swallow, however, benefited
nothing by this soft insnuation, for al
that moment she either was, or pretend
| ed to be fast locked in the arms Of NOR.
pheus.
"Don't you hear, Mrs. Swallow"
But alas, slightly conscious snore
was the only audible reponse vouchsafed
by Mrs Swallow.
Now this was a ticklish point with
Solomon, but he was prepared for it,
"What says my system on this?" said he
to himself, musingly. at says q lazy
wife who lies abed in the morning, may
be very proftably reminded of her duty
by the judicious application of needle
And this magnificent idea scarcely cross
ed the Threshold of his brain pan, than
he inserted the point Of a needle into his
drowsy helpmate's propria persona. AS
may be expected, the intended effect in
stantly followed the cause, for the aston
ished Mrs. Swallow sprung from the bed
as though she had been thrown from il
by an earthquakel but alas, her agility
was but too strikingly manifested for she
not only all but annihilated poor Mr.. Solo,
mon in rolling over him, but she dashed
his patent lever from nail which sus-
pended it to the wall, borke the dial
"What dreadful Dream calculated
Mrs. Swallow, pressing her hand on her
wounded portions.
"What dreadful reality" shouted Mr..
s. contemplating the fragile mass of his
broken timepeace.
"Now Mrs. Swallow" said Solomon,
'sceing that can't be awake to call you
up in the morning, or eat burnt toast, or
drink raw tea, &C., it is time that /
should begin to instruct you in your du-
ties" ri
"And what are they?"
"Be silent, madam, if you please
Not to talk but to listen, is the most inn
portant of them"
proceed sir"
And Mr. Swallow, looking daggers at
his beloved for the second interruption,
proceeded as follows:
"From six to eight you are to get up,
dress quietly, so as to create no distur-
bancc-light fire-air shirts and stock
ings-sweep room--prepare breakfast and
announce perfection thereof. Eight to
ten, wash dishes, make beds, rub furni-
turc and clean windows. Ten to twelve,
go to market prepare dinner. Twelve
till two, devoted to dish washing, sweep
ping up and rubbing furniture. Two
till six, spinning, mending shirts and
darning stockings. Seven, tea. From
that till nine second course of mending
and darning-then to bed. And this
daily course, madam, with strict obser-
vance of the rules of civility, frugality,
decorum, and obedience, may enable you
to do Honor to the choico of Mr.. Solo,
mon Swallow"
Mrs, Swallow listened quietly to the
end, and then mildly inquired. Sand do
you really expect this of me, Mr.. Swal-
low!" fsrfr
"To be sure Ido," responded Mr.. Swal-
low. @ I.tH 1if.
"Then you will be sadly disappointed,
for III do no such thing" 30 1ri
"No?" aai 10 .m99ia Ia
"No!n si eLt .ui 8oi Dgl
;Iye 9 way to make YOU" seag9
"Spoon--diet - locks - chains - and
COW hides" i'i .pi' Hs Fot iitr6g
"Mr. Swallowl" ant COZ Io flad ar
0yVhat!n 1al :ssg9I lo rltesrg
"You're brute" ran) Es,l odi 2
And Mrs. Swallow threw herself back
and looked desperate. sh ~
Now this was climax. Mr.. Swallow
was called brute at his own fireside, and
by his own wife, which was the worst of
all. He Solomon Swallow the celebrated
founder Of the system of matrimonial
observations, called brute by no less
person than Mrs. Swallow At. first he
was so astonished at such an open mani
manifestation ofrebellion to hisroyal will
that he could only look aghast; but when
he came to himself he saw that some
thing must be done at once, or that the
field was lost forever. 1fl tte3b o
"You called me brute, Mrs. Swallow
"I did, Mr.. Swallow" rd 4
"A brute?" @ dT
ga brute!" EHl 4
"I'll go mad and break things, Mrs.
Swallow" f}a 1l.1 ole. r rl
GAS you like, Mr.. Swallow i1f ,ancv
And Mr.. Swallow did go mad, but he
had method in his madness, for he seiz-
ed the cheapest article Of dclf that was
on the table ian old plate with a crack
in it,) and dashed it into thousand pieces
upon the hearth, as if he was then in q
terrible passion" o.h
"How do you like that, Mrs. Swallow"
+ "Vastly, Mr.. Swallow--try 1t again."
And again did he try it, for he had be-
come desperate, and demolished the cream
jug. g ~ '' hl ''.t
"Now," said the lady, 'its my turn,p
and jumping up she sent the slop bowl
to keep company with its two unfortun-
ate 'tea table companions" 49,.
This of course was too much for Solo
mon, il snapped asunder the only remain
ing cord Of the little reason he had left,
and he slapped his helpmate--we use the
word in its most positive terms : on the
right cheek, but scarcely had the echo Of
the blow melted into silence, ere the. in
.I,<~,o.t .la,,a lod so,~oJ &bo 20. not on1