The Van Buren press., 1859-07-06

course, anu, you black scoundreI. -
was the reply.
Len you can get somebody else to hold
de bullock, CALCULATED the negro "vou
isn't gwinc to Knock dis child's brains
out IT," '"'''
EF Mr. j. Smart of st. Paul was re-
Gently prosecuted by young widow for
breach OF promise He settled the difficult
~ by marrying her. Prentice says he made
her Smart lest she should him.
k4 The Bost Post has what we take to
be too 90 personal" an illustration of GER
tam society at Washington. But we will
let the reader Judge: "Jones at Washing
ION. sees flne turnout in the shape of a
hack. Halls the driver and engages IT at
30 an hour to-explorc the magnificent dis
fanees. Driver is to be at Nillard's punct-
ually in fifteen minutes. Jones goes to his
room, turns over a new leaf, hurries to get
the ladies ready, and descends with them TO
the door. Finds a shabby, yes, very shah
ty hack and scare-crow horses lust in wa;t-
ing Thinks he Will wal; moment for
his own hack
Driver accOsts him with Mr.. Jones and
wv h'uco peauy, or
Why you aren't the man hired = re-
piled JONES'
No, sir! He's the carriage what gets
the jobs, I'm the carriage what does the
work.
Jones returns up stairs disguised, feeling
that If all mis- anticipations turn out that
way, the less he sets his heart on certain
Office the BETTER
=" Mamma. isn't papa getting rich ?"
Why my dear 2"
=" Because every morning, when Bridget
comes to sweep the parlor, he always gives
me sixpence to go out and play
Bridget received short notice to vacate.
a boy at crossing having begged some
thing Of a gentleman, the latter told him
that he would give him something as he
came back. The boy replied, Your hon
or would be surprised if you knew how
much money have lost by giving credit
that way
Why is drummer the fastest man in
the world ?" Because time beats all men
but the drummer beats time.
Tommy, my son." said fond mother
on her return from journey, have you
said your prayers night and morning p"
a." Yes" was the reply: "that is, every
night but any smart boy can take care of
himself in the day time
There is young lady, who says that if
woman can't have one. Sensible girl that.
An author, complaining of the injustice
Of the press in eondemning his new tragedy
said the censures were unjust, for the audi
ence did not hiss it. "No" replied the
friend !; '' hoac could they yown and hiss TO-
gether ="
A Yankee captain was caught in the jaws
of whale. but was finally rescued, badly
wounded. On being asked what he thought
while IN that situation, he replied: 81
thought he would make about forty barrels
An inquisitive female visited Boston Jail
the other day. She said to one prisoner
What are you in for?" For stealipT
2 horse" "Are you not sorry .es'
!" Wo5 YOU try and do better next fine o,
i" Yes, III ssasl two !"
"John,'' said NJ 1.-The other day to
his son, "John. yd are lazy; what do
you expect to do for living?" "Why,
father. Pve been thin iking as how I'd be a
Revolutionary pcnsioher.''
illustrated with cuts !" said young
urchin, as he drew his pocket knife across
the leaves of his grammar. illustrated
with cuts ~ reiterated the schoolmaster, as
he drew his cane across the back OF the
young urchin.
1t is not always mark of frankness to
possess an open countenance. An alligator
is deceitful creature. and yet he presents
an open countenancc when in the very act
Of taking you in.
4 poet once advertised that he would
..supply lines for any OCCASION" A fish
ernAa sought him shortly afterwards and
wanted . line strong enough to catch por-
poise.
There is no landing on the shore of fell
city without sailing in the bark of fidelity.
The sunshine of life is made up Of very
few beams that are bright all that time.
The man who trusts to the last omnibus
syeperally has to walk home.