The Lambertville press., 1859-03-31
SHAKE ESPEARE.

When we see the dark hand of conspiracy
about to crush in its treacherous grasp the peace
and happiness of our friends and fellow citizens,
and envelope the whole community in the dis
NAL habiliments of grief, then I think it is draw
ing near the time to read the riot act, and warn
our friends of the danger which is lowering
around their unconscious heads To enable me
to discharge this duty as good citizen | ask
space in your worthy paper, to place upon the
carpet of day light, one of the most diaboical
midnight schemes of Satanism ever heard of, and
which has not its parallel in the history of the
Arabian Knights, or Gulliver's Travels even
the gun-powder plot to blow up the Parliament
House in England, at time when the king, the
lords and all the members would be assembled,
sinks into insignifcance when compared to this
most horrible scheme to rid us of those who have
so ably steered our little bark of affairs over the
tide of events in the past year. In fact there is
not the slightest analogy between the two cases,
for while James the first of England had only to
bring into subsection few rebellious men, we
shall have to combat and subdue thousands of
what must call in this communication, sneaking
Vampires, who have for some time past, laid
claim, and held sole possession of the Pauper's
Roost.
This is the hot bed of the foul conspiracy, the
plan of which am happy to have the power Of
revealing after making few preliminary re-
marks
I know that to the enlightened and intelligent
minds of most of your readers, it will appear
bordering on the ridiculous, or strongly tainted
with the superstition Of by gone ages, to say
that this same noble edifce the Paupers Roost,
which rears its lofty head in our very midst is
haunted; yet nevertheless it is true, too true.
For the officers of our town who hold their meet
ings in this shingled shanty of all works, and to
those who may entertain any serious doubts re-
specting this matter, confidently refer them to
close inspection of the premises, where l am
sure they will receive all the proof necessary to
establish it in their minds, as a fact undeniable
cannot, through unavoidable circumstances,
give you minute description of these Vampires,
Huy CHdu GllelE size anu
An elephant is somewhat the largest, and think
the strongest, yet a stout sound sleeper is no
more in the grasp of one of these infamous hob
goblins, than is glass of the strongest apple
Jack, in the hand of well seasoned topper. You
must be satisfied with this imperfect description
of the enemy, and believe me, that ignorance is
bliss in this case One more remark, and then
/ will let the big Black Cat out of the bag, which
is intended to carry off our City Fathers. -
These Vampires are very wicked and mischiev-
ous; perfect terror to all careful mothers and
affectionate wives. They have for some time
past been great annoyance to our worthy
Mayor and Council, who through necessity, are
compelled sometimes to come in close proximity
with these blood thirsty hounds, to transact the
business of the town, and settle all mutton de-
vouring questions which may be brought before
them. Yet while I believe all the duties incum-
bent upon this honorable body has been performed
in the most creditable manner, would like to
ask what man could give his undivided attention
to any subject in question without thinking O
the dreadful results of visitation from these mis-