The Yazoo Democrat., 1859-03-26
From the Stars aud Stripes.
INVITATIONS OF LAUGHING GAS.


past times | have not carefully weighed hi
sage Iaconicisns when did NJ I at first sigh
coincide with them, recent events have de,
cided me to do differently in the future
A few days 2ince, told Pottarson tha
| ntsnded to make calls on my laly ac
quaintances on New Years Day, and that |
wanted him TO accompany me and share the
pleasures. He replied, with the look of an
oracle.
Dock" said he. If ain't down like "A
thunder shower on starched collars, on This
plan OF turning every parlor into whiskey
shop and every woman into ar-leuder be
cause it's New Years Day, then burst me"
Thinking that Pottarson spoke under II
misapprehension i'll regard to the custom, !
enlarged upon the beauties of giving ones
female friends an annual kindly greeting
But" said he, whats the good o call
ing on a lady when you only stop long
enough to get four and half sDifs OF the
air Of her house before you leave, and willis
you aIe there have to 90 snacks in the lady,
attentions with a halt dozen other bipeds ,
why, Dock, it would only be aggravating."
am ashamed to say that PottarsJn',
words tailed to convince, and even his last
sagacious remark, Dock, it amt worth \
cheese, - was forgotten within five minutes
after we parted.
The night before New Year I made out
list Of fly families upon whom | intended
to call. had engaged horse aud cuttei
to facilitate my speed of travel, and a
Juvenile nigger TO hold my horse. discov
cred that | had neglected to furnish myself
with money for The next day; and as had
hired the hose and enter from strange
party at the rate of two dollars an hour, ii
was manifest TO me that Funds must lie pIo-
cured. In this alarming exigency the cur
rent OF my thoughts turned towards Simp-
son, and jumping into the cutter, | was
carried thlther. Simpson was not short.
gave him my watch, retaining the chain !;
Simpson gave me thirty dollars, retaining my
watch. Generous Simpson,
Ol New Years morning did not eat any
breakfast, that | might be able to show an
appreciation of the spasnodic hospitality Of
my lady acquantances.
| found my establishment in waiting at
the livery stable, little nigger included, and
with no further preliminares than settling
my bill in advance, started.
stopped first in front OF the spacious and
superb residence of JOB Greasor, the mil,
lionare, who, thirty years since, was the
highly respectly proprietor Of dog cart
but who, by some mysterious hocuspo1us
known at the herary Offices, has been aLle
to rake up coat of arms, aud TO trace his
ancestry to some tilibusiering ca;tif who
had the honor to patch the majestic breeches
and black the royal boots Of William the
Conqueror. AS | entered the paror, | was
greeted by the three Misses Greasets, and
wished them happy New Year, aud many
of lbem.' The Misses Greasers thanked me
for my consideration. Mrs. Greaser. tie
mother, coming up at that moment, | ven
tuled similar wish in her behalf for which
received Mrs. Greaser's thanks. | WAS in
troduced to Mrs. Greaser, senior tn, grand
mother, and | wished her a fabulous quan.
tily Of happy New Years, for which the old
lady announced that she was much Oh,
Iiged.' By way Of DEPRESSION, | will here
state that | entertain no doubt but m? wish
with reference to the old lady will be graft
/ fled, for she looks as tough and elastic as
"a boiled india.rubber baby. The Misses
Greaser informed me that the seighiug was
fine, which statement | confirmed. Mrs
Geaser expressed it as her opinion that il
wouldn't last long and | acceded to the
proposition without argument. | asked the
Misses Greaser how many calls they had re.
celyed so far, and the Misses Greasels said,
not many-nol quite four hundred = Nv
hand was instiuctively grasping for my
watch, that might be aiding in estimating
the merits OF the Misses Greasers in extern
poraneous liars, when happened to think
of Simpson. Adjourned to the inner TEN,
pie aud partook Of ham sandwich, piece
of fruit cake and glass OF sherry, after
which made apolie exit, and proceeded
with the programme.
| stopped at six residences, wished the in
mates six happy New Years beside numers
Gus quantity OF the article in prospective :;
was told six times tina, the sleighing was
fine, TO which were added six predictions
nav ~ "Np'N" ldoI loHS LOOK Sly glasses
of sherry, and made six exits. At this poin'
| recolect feeling quite gay, and of enter
tainng high opinion of New Years Day
as popular institution. | regretted that |
hadn't decided to make seventy FIVE calls in,
stead of fifty. A half dozen more calls
were soon achieved, and half dozen addi,
tional glasses of sherry was taken care Of
1t was some where here in this veracious
narrative that my juvenile niger formally
announced to me an acute sensibihty tuI
cod-growiug out of a practical ignorance
OF oyercoats; and | recollect that | was
shocked at the announcement Of what SEEM
ed to me to be such moral destitution. AsI
it was, however, consented to let the little
nigger lie under the buffalo robes when /
was driving then made several calls at
several houses, and wished several happy
New Years, and | know thought it was
absurd that the ladies should give several
snickers when they observed several erimi,
nal attempts Of several deprayed hat racks
to trip me up as made my several egresses.
II | am not mistaken in my chronology. II
sent up my card to the door of a EGh