The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-08-24
Miscellaneous Items.

paper and tell tho truth.
= Why do old maids wear mittens
To keep off the chaps.
= A glass of water taken from the
spring of the year, is said 10 be delicious
A "Taper Waste Burning the
candle at both ends.
- There's a man down east so fat,
that they grease the cart-wheels with his
shadow.
= A pin has as much head as a good
many authors, and great deal more
point.
- A rich and indulgent parent is Of
ten the worst friend young man has in
the world.
- Poetry is the art of substantiating
shadows, and Of lending existence to
nothing.
- Love of children is always an indi-
cation of genial nature, pure, unworn,
and unselfsh.
= The man who waited for an oppor-
tunity has gone; and the man who was
fired with indignation has been put out.
- Three things that never agree
two cats over one mouse; two wives in
one house; two lovers after one gal.
Strong passions belong only to
strong minds, and terrible is the struggle
that reason has to make to subdue them.
= To find the solid contents of a
woman's tongue, tell her she is not hand
some.
- There is but one solid pleasure in
life, and that is our duty. How miser-
able, then, how unwisc, how objectionable
are they who make that one pain.
- An exchange infers that Dryden
wasn't opposed to mint julips, from re-
mark he once made: Straws may be
made the instrument of happiness"
- The quantity of water consumed
daily in London is equal TO the contents
of lake fifty acres in extent, and mean
depth Of three feet.
- DR.. Johnson said that the man who
could not be contented to stop in doors on
n stormy day and read; is an object of
pity"
= The latest case of absence of mind
is recorded of a lady about to "whip up
some eggs for sponge-cake, who whipped
the baby, and sang AWAITS Cradle Hymn"
to the eggs.
- 1t is not long speeches that are the
best; the difficulty lies in compressing in
to the lowest and most intelligblo and
persuasive words the most precious and
the most instructive truths.
- The man who thought he could
make boots by swallowing sherry cob
blers," has just issued work in which he
attempts to prove that by eating hops"
you will acquire knowledge of waltz
ing.
- A Stranger, meeting a man in the
streets of Boston few days since, rough
ly accosted him with, Here, l want to
90 to tho fremont House!"
"Well, YOU can 90, if you don't be
gone long," was the deliberate reply.
- A lady wrote with diamond on n
pane of glass:
"God did at first make man upright,
but he"
To which gentleman added:
Most surely had continued so, but
she"
- The following rich scene recently
occurred in one Of our courts of justice,
between the Judge and Dutch witness
all the way from Rotterdam:
Judge What's your native Ian
guage3'
Witness-"I pc no native; Is Dutch
man."
Judgc-"What's your mothers tongue
Witness" fader say she be all
tongue"
Judge-Qn a irritable toncl-" What
language did you first learn! What Ian
guage did you speak in The cradle 2
Witness" It'd not speak at all, on
" CRIED IN DUToH."
Then there was n general laugh ID
which the Judge, Jury and audience JOIN
ed. The witness was interrogated no
further about his native language.
"First class in Oriental Philoso-
ply, stand up. Tibblcs, what is lifep
"Life consists of money, a2:40 horse,
and fashionable wife,"
"Good Next, what is death?"
"A payment that settles everybody's
debts, and gives them tombstones as re-
ceipts in full for all demands"
"What is poverty"
"The reward of merit that genius
generally receives from a discriminating
public"
"What is religionl"
"Do unto others as you please, with.
out allowing a return of the compliment
"What is fame?"
"a six-lino puff in newspaper WINE
living, and a fortune for your enemies
when dead"
i L Tho aaSlagi