The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-04-20
erans yassn, Wits., spriI 20, 1859.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Dreams are the novels we rea
When We arc fast asleep. n .as

"HOe w oto Aoos eofSofs tt
Some descendant of Solomon has
wisely remarked that those who 60 to
law for damages are sure TO get them.
1t may seem a little remarkable
that in these days, the greatest part Of
the white washing is done with ink.
"A duel is sooner over than any 9TH
or recontre between foes, it requiring only
two seconds. a.-.F ,.e l...-',., Z.
- Family Bath for the winter. Get
ting into daily shot water with your
wife.
= Why are ladies like bells? Be
cause you can never find out their metal
until You have given them a ring.
"a You seem 10 walk more erect than
usual, my friend.' "Yes. have been
Strengthened by circumstances ,s
- Scolding, says a good-for.nothing
old bachelor, is the pepper of matrimony,
and the ladies are the pepper boxes.
-"Hold your tongue for foor'-
said an Irishman to his wife. "Then
you'll be after speaking yourself was the
cutting reply. aii .-,..l
- A yankee who occupied a berth di-
rectly over lawyer began TO grow rest
less-the lawyer asked, "are you foolw
No, sir, am above the fool" 'a. '
If n lady declines dancing with you
four times in one evening, YOU are not
bound by the law of etiquette to ask her
again.
- At a concert recently, at the con-
clusion Of the song, "There's a good
Time Coming" a farmer rose and said,
Mister, couldn't you Tx the dalel"
What one Of the planets is supposed
to have the most speciel The moon;
because she is continually changing quar-
ters. t'
Why, It's as plain as two and two
makes four" said man in m Argument.
" But l deny that, too, said his disputant,
for and makes o."
-" Mama" said promising youth
Of some four or FIVE years, "if all people
are made Of dust amt niggers made Of
coal-dust." q @
No man In the nation Is more in
debted to the people than am,' said an
Office holder. Indeed, sir; how much
of their money have You takenI'
-a She is all my fancy painted her"
rs the young Indian said Of his favorite
sqnaw whose face he had just bedaubed
with vcrmillion and yellow ochre. 'i
-" That motion is out of .rder,r as
the chairman of a political meeting said
when he saw ruffian raising his arm to
throw rotten egg.
al am going 20 the post-office,
Bob, shall inquire for your "Well,
yes, if you have mind to, but don't
think you'll find me there"
-" Ii is well 10 leave something for
those who come after u.s. as the gen.
tleman said who threw barrel in the
way Of constable who was chasing him.
= Mrs. Partington expressed greatap-
prehension that the people Of California
will bleed to death, as every paper she
picks up announces another vein opened
"A barrister observed to learned
brother in Court, that the wearing Of
whiskers was unprofessional. Right
responded his friend, "a lawyer cannot be
too 6areJaeed.'
A French princess, being told that
Che poor in Paris were dying of starva-
tiop, said: "What silly people! Before
I'd starvc, I'd eat brown bread and nut
ton"
= Remember a flower garden is in
complete without shrubbery. Plant them
as if they had fallen in shower-tbat
is, without straight laced regularity. Let
them look like patch of the wild wood
transplauted to your garden. I aa.i
ha--A good old Quaker lady, after lis
tening 70 the extrayagant yarns Of store
keeper as long as her patience would al
low, said to him: "Friend H, what
a pity it is that il Is sin to lie, when il
seems so necessary in thy business" ir'
-" SIR lisped a great lady, in water
ed silk, at the Worlds Fair, "haye the
goodness to inform me If there are noble
men in the United Statesi" ?" Yes,
MAN, answered full fed Jonathan, 81
an, opa nj tbepa ~. q ,-.- I'd a.
% Ono of tho jurors ON the Sickles
trial said he was disqualified in conse-
quence of the relation he bore to the ac-
cused. On being asked what that rela-
ton was, be stated be too was married
man. &t ,.il { ia t'l-,. .lruf
- An innocent young sportsman, in
order TO shoot a squirrel on the top Of q
tree, climbed another close by; and on be-
ing asked the reason Of so foolish freak,
said, aihat he didn't want 10 strain the
gun by long shot, al i..e
- People who expect TO go TO Heay-
en- by dropping shilling in the eontri-
button box on Sunday, and shave doz-
en- poor devils Of ten times that sum on
Monday 20 make up for it, are as likely
. L..,e . 80. e. b.-.1.o. o.. a., ox-o.,