The penny press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1859-1860, 1859-08-26
HUMOROUS.

crowl has been troubled with stitch in
his side ever since.
Profound silence in public assem-
blage has been thus neatly described:
Zone might have heard the stealing Of a
pocket handkerchief"
Bag~A Yankee who had seen Powers
'Grcek Slave" and was asked if he was
not in raptures with it, replied; "Wcll, to
tell the truth, don't care much about
them stone gals.
s4"A convict who was about to be
sent to the House of Correction, was told
they would set him to picking oakum.
"Let 'cm try it, by gosh" said he, "rll
tear their darncd oakum all to piecesl'
Hy''Pa didn't hear you say the other
day you wanted a cider press?'
Eyes, daughter, where can l got oneg
"Why you try Zeko Stokes; he Rugged
me the other evening at the party, and I'll
tell you he made me grunt!'
Ms"An idle man once asked coal
merchant what peck Of coal multiplied
by eight, divided by four, with tun added
to them, and IL bushel subtra',ted, would
come to. "Wcll, said the coal merchant,
''if you burn EN- they'll come to ashes"
BeS~A New York correspondent says
that ten millions of hooped skirts are
manufactured in that city per year.
Houses there make more than Hhree thou
sand per day, and still cannot fill their
orders. In the name of lost pins, where
can such world Of emptiness 60!
CoLoRED FRENCH. Lady" and "gom.
man of "culler," dressed to kill, meet on
corner Cherry and G dar---
Good evening, Moonshsir," smiling
devinely.
"Why, how DIDO, Mammyzell?" bowling
charmingly.
There was French for YOU
RJ" Dean Swift was once asked to
preach short charity Sc, mon, He com,
piled with the request The sermon is,
perhaps, the shortest or, record Text
"He that hath pity on the poor, lendeth
unto the Lord" Sermon: "If you like
the security, down with the dust" An
unusually large collection was taken up
Immediately after.
Msn A shoemaker received note from
lady to whom he was particularly at
tached: requesting him to make her pair
of shoes, and not knowing exactly the
style she required, he dispatched written
missive to her, nquiring whether she
would have them"W round or Esq. Toad"
The fair one, indigna mt at this nice orthog-
raphy, Immediately replied, "Knethre."
MrA schoolmaster, as a punishment
to one Of his pupils for using profane Ian
guage, ordered him to take pair of tongs
and watch a hole I'M the hearth until he
had caught mouse. The boy took the
tongs and demurely waited for the visitor
Directly after he saw mouse pceping
out of the hole. Cautiously placing q
leg Of the tongs ON either side Of the hole,
he grasped tho mouse, and triumphantly
swinging it aloft; exclaimed, "By Cd,
I've got him!"
MEASURE FOR M.sAsURE.-A tall West.
crn girl named Sho rt, LONG loved certain
big Mr.. Little; viii c Little LITTLE think.
ing Of Short, loved q LITTLE lass named
Long. TO make IN LONG STORY SHORT
Little proposed to L,ns, and Short loNGED
to be even with Ii tiles shortcomings
So Short meeting Long, threatened to
marry Little before LONG, which caused
Little, in SHORT ii me- to marry Long.
QUERy.-Did TALL. short love biz Little
less, because Little owed Long?
ToUcHING.-A few days ago a bright
little girl Of probably three or four sum.
mers, who recently lost her father, came
up to Professor Wise, a the Jones House,
and said:
"Mr Wise, won't you take me up with
you in your balloon?'
"Why do you want to 90, my dear?"
replied the Professor.
II want to see my papa was the touch
ing response.
A tear was visible in i'he 1ronaut's eve.
as he assured her that it wa, impossible
for him to take her high CROUCH to see
her papa Lafayette Journal.
ABOUT Pie" Patrick, the widow
Molony tells me that you h;lve stolen ono
Of her finest pigs. Is that so?'
Eyes, yer honor"
"What have you done with it,"
"Killcd it and ate it, yer honor"
"Oh, Patrick, when you are brouyh,
face to face with the widow and hcr pig
on the Judgment day, what account will
you be able tc give of yourself when the
widow accuses you Of the theft?'
"Did you say the pig would be there
yer riverancef'
"To be sure did"
"Well, thin, yer riverance, I'll say, Mrs
Molony, there's your pig"
aH~When Leigh Richie was travelling
in ireland, he passed man who was 4
painful spectacle Of pallor, sq,tallor, and
raggednoss. His heart smote him, and
he turned back. 'If yon're in want"
said Ritchie, with some degree of peevish.
ness, "why don't you bcg?' Sure, it's
begging am, yer honor" "fo didn't
say word GOV course not yer honor;
but see how the skin is speaking through
The holes Of me trousers, and the bones
crying out through my skin. Look at mo
sunken cheeks. and the famine that.