East Saginaw courier. (East Saginaw, Mich.) 1859-18??, 1859-08-04
STRAY RAyELLINGs.

A letter passed through the rural post
office in Northumberland, England, not
long since, bearing the following elabor-
ate address -" For the girl at the
Heathenyshanks near the Cow Gate
near the toll near Slatyford New-castel-
on-Tyne on that side of the road further
est from .Centon and near to the bath
House next to Byrc joining the stable
close to the cart shed and not far from
the barn and Thrashing Machine"
A sergent passing along one of the
streets near the Tower of London, OBJ
served one of his men sitting against a
wall. He was the worse for liquor; and
on asking him why he did not go home,
he replied: "Oh, sergent! all the houses
seem to be passing me; so | think ! had
better wait till the barracks come, and
then can go in without any trouble"
"What are yourafter, my dear? ?" said
a grandmother TO a little boy, who was
sideling along a room, and casting furtive
glances at a gentleman who was paying
a visit. Il am trying, grandma, to steal
papa's hat out of the room without let
ting the gentleman see it-he wants him
to think he's out"
".Why don't you wheel that barrow of
coal, Ned ?" said learned miner to one
of his sons; " it is not a very hard job !;
there is an inclined plane to relieve you. y
All replied Ned, who had more relish
for wit than work, "the plane may be
epclined, but hang me if am"
a man being awakend by the captain
of boat with the announcement that he
must not occupy his birth with his boots
on, very considerably replied; ooh, the
bugs won't hurt 'em l guess they are
an old pair. Let 'em rip"
A lady called on witty friend who
was not at home and finding the piano
dusty, wrote upon it 'slattern.' The
next day they met, and the lady said, 81
called on you yesterday" Yes, saw
your card on the piano"
''Why do you drive such pitiful look
ing carcass as that? Why don't you put
heavier coat of flesh on him ?" said a
traveller to an Irish cart-driver. "A
HEAVIER coat of flesh BY the powers, the
poor creature can hardly carry what lit
tie there is ON him now !"
''Who is that lovely girl?" exclaimed
the witty Lord Norbury, in company
with his friend, Counsellor Grant. "Miss
Glass" replied the Councillor. Z"
{shGSld ,lftcG hr .sto .ia-fc2 s>rid I rlaco
such Glass to my lips" was the reply.
A Sunday school teacher, deploring
the lack of attendants upon his ministra-
tions, appealed to the few present. "What
can do" said he, T" to get the boys and
girls here ?" 'I know" said one of the
urchins. "What is it?.' "Give 'em all
five cents apiece"
"That'sa fine strain" said one gentle
man to another, abiding to the tones ofa
singer at n concert the other evening.
"Yes," said a countryman who sat near,
but if he strains much more he'll bust"
You can't tell who made the monkey,
for all you pretend to know 50 much"
said an impertinent fop to Clergyman,
who had reproved him for profanity. eyes
I can," said the clergyman, "he who
made you!"
An lrishman going to be hanged beg
ged that the rope might be tied under
his arm instead of around his throat,
For,n said Pat, Z" / am so remarkably
ticlllish in the throat, that if tied there
I'll certainly kill myself with laughter"
A newspaper editor out West says,
'that the simplest way of calculating dis
tanccs Of heavenly bodies, is the rule laid
down by John Phcnix's celebrated lecture
upon astronomy, viz, guess at one half
the distance, and multiply by two"
Mr.. Pullup coming home late, pretty
full, " finds the walking slippery, and ex
claims: "V-ver-verry singular; wh-when-
ever water lreczesit freezes with the sl-slip-
perry side up; very singular"
a farmer charged hired man with
having an offensive breath. "Thunder
and lightning" said the employee, do
you expect man to breathe musk roses
for six dollars a month ~
Pray, don't attempt TO darn your
cobwebs," was Swift's advice to Santle-
man OF strong imagination and weak
memory, who was laboriously explaining
himself.
An Irishmanwent to live in Scotland
for short time ard didn't like the coun-
try. 81 was sick all the time ] was there,
says he, "and i'll had lived there till this
time I'd been dead year ago.
\ Sleepy deacon who sometimes en-
gagged in popular games, hearing the
minister use the words " shuttle off this
mortal coil, started up rubbed his eyes,
and exclaimed. Hold on it's my deal p
A good many Of the flying rumors of
the day would be more appropriately |
designated by taking off the {.
a man once asked company of little
boyswhat they were good for ?-One lit
tie fellow very promptly answered: "We
are good to make men Of.
We heard lawyer and doctor dis
putting the other day about a bill a fellow
owed each of them. He was only able
to pay one of them and left it to them
to settle which ought to have the money.
OF course" said the lawyer, Il saved
the fellow from going to the penitentiary!
WE'LL" said the doctor, +" | have saved
L. II IT, -.