The Grand Haven news., 1859-10-12
Miscellaneous Items.
= One Of the very best of earthl,
.o.zo.o.o.., q. ..,lf .~a..,oo...,.,

= The Empress CT the French Is sur
rounded with PARISHES!
Why are ripe potatoes in the ground
like thievesG. Because they ought TO be
taken up.
- There is no objection to 6roiis in a
house, so that they emanate from the
kitchen.
= Be content with enough. You may
butter your bread until you arc unable to
eat it.
"A doctors bill is compared to the
trunk Of an elephant--it will stretch to
any length.
= 1t is folly to cxpend money for lot
terry tickets for the strongest hy-blistcr
can not make them drdw.
- Tickets of admission to the aims
house can be procured at any of the Lot
terry Offices.
= A lady of this village has denied
the color of her ringets since her lover
went to AuJurn prison.
= The man who was struck by
thought has so far recovered rs to be out
again.
= If n moonlight evening is the sea-
son TO hatch poetic sentiments, dark
night is the occasion for hiding them.
\ - We have heard of city shoemaker
being dismissed from his congregation, for
swearing upon his sole.
= Scandal, like the Nile, is fed by in
Vulnerable streams; but il is extremely
difficult to trnce it to its source.
= Why is inan paying his note at
the bank, like father going to sec his
children? Because he meets his respon.
sbilities.
= "You seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend" Yes, | have been
very lately Strengthened by a circum-
stance"
= An old sailor, at theater, said
that he supposed that dancing girls wore
their dresses at half-mast, as malk of
respect to departed modesty.
= The wife of Porter Hammond, a
nursery man living near Rochester, N. Y,
stumbled over stone on Monday, and
fell across saw-buck in such manner
rs to break her neck.
IMPROVING ON Borrowed CAPITAL
The citizens of Detroit have, 10y popular
vote, authorized loan of S250,000 foi
the purpose of erecting a new City Hall
and Workhouse, for that city.
= Ifa pigs tail curls from nature
what amount of lard aud patience are
brought into rcquisition to have the same
effect on the heads Of many Of our city
swells?
= An acquaintance says that since
he dismissed his handsome doctor, and
employed plain one, his wife and daugh-
tiers hav'nt got sick half so often as they
did before.
- When Dr. Lucas, very unpopular
man, venturcd on speech in the Irish
Parliament, and failed altogether, Glat
tan said, ale rose without a friend, and
sat down without an enemy"
! = De Quincy being asked why there
were moro women than men, replied, II
is in conformity with the arrangements o.
nature; We always sec more of HEAVIER
than of earth.
- A definition Of "bearing false wit
ness against your neigbbor," was given by
a little girl in school. She said il was
when nobody did nothing, and somebody
went and told Of it.
-"Did you save your baggage" 7" ask
ed some sympathizing friends of a gen
tleman who had just escaped from
wrecked steamer. "Oh yes" said he
pointing TO his wife.
= Marriage resembles pair Of shears
says Sidney Smith, so joined that the.
can not be separated, often moving in op
posite directions, yet always punish an.
one who comes between them.
- Some one very properly has SAT-
that rs no other roads are so rough a
those that had just been mendcd, so NJ
men are so intolerant rs those that ha'
Just turned saints.
al rise my lord" said n certain bar
ristcr noted for prolixity, in the Court o
Kings Bench, dto give notice of n mo
ton" TIE Judge interrupted him b,
saying-"M Mr.. s., your rising is al
ways n notice of motion, for every on
that can, moves off!"
- The daughter of the proprietor Q
: coal mine, in Pennsylvania, was inquisi
, tive as TO the nature of hell. Upon whicl
her father had represented it TO be larg
} gulf Of fire Of most prodigious extent
. "Pa," said she, "couldn't you get tn
devil TO buy his coal of you!"
r - A census-taker once called upo
0 the mother of family in California, an
asked her how many children shc has
| The mother replied that she rcoll
couldn't tell: but there was one thing