New-York daily tribune., 1859-02-07

ke he's pot ais eeotrs 'pt" P'1~ 'S
ipdelic.cy in rrcapta,trg bis tsle 10 roand, uu-
vsrrisbed way. for the benefit ot taougouess OF
wicked husbands. Not long ato, tnej solved
smAl sum in subtraction 10 the house OF birch.
Mira Reuben Birch. b-comiog highly dissatsneo
with tie behavior OF her m,te, Insted Of Appearing
% thsr refuge Of weary wives, the Supreme Juoi.
c,sl Court took toe law INTO ber own hands, Pacsed
b. trunk sui mstriuouialy mizzled- as there
had been deal Of rhe fashionable knockinss and
tabular s.tation IN the house, which was sors OF
distributing Office for all the celestial mails, people
sao at once tpst ,ais eI'emporzed divorce was the
result Of ADVICE given BY some friendly gaost 70
Mrs. Birch who, 10 ber other Accomplishments,
ioineo In mense "mediumistic power. That which
so.sips hipted, newspapers speedily proclAmedi so
that II soon came TO be vulgary believed that
the spirits were responsible for the deep damnaton
Of this putting asurder And 1t is precisely al
this pom, that Reuben sppears upon the stage IN all
the parapherDsla of penitence, with mos cho'-
fallen face. with sheet entwinlng his Dlserioe
limbs, and q candle in his hand which lost makes
visible his dark dilspdation. Like other uea IN
d,,tr,s.-snd how msny men are al~aysin distress,
onl editors can kpow-Mr. Reobeu has published
"A Card" Now, if there be IN these Onited
S'stes any wives who, from the rising OF the sun TO
TO the co,pg down of the same are snuooed ana
sparleo at until fault findings and ilpRs, snsPs aud
sparls, oans and erdots, have become the chronic
tortures OF their daly existence, We offer to toe'e
yoful women tie consolation of Mr. Reuben Blrch,
" th bis knees c,ooked, his breath ba'ed, bis hum
bIeptss whispered, bis sp rit subdued, his pride
fatteI ed, bis dignity dashed, and bic manlDes'
missing. Either Mr Birch has found out th,t
,brts some times lack buttons or tina. the toes OF
stockings will sometimes bideou.ly cape, or that
solitary .omber, with the mercury quite sunk into
IFS native bulb, is rot balmy. Brought thus, and
perbsps through other domestic exgencies, to a
sen.e OF MS miserable condition Mr. Birch sees
ing for it but to csjse back Mrs. Birch. Ine
frank sy in which be cOnfes,es that be has been
miserable matrimonial sinner entities hun to our
BE- st wisbe. for his speedy emancipation from his
present vulgar fractional state. SEATED upon the
stool of contrtioB, Mr, Birch declares that ne has
treated Mrs. Birch uDkndly y'-thst the heavenly
gentlemen and ladies' had no part in her heglra-
that he "hss not conducted himself ossrd her as
be should" that he deeply regrets hts mlscoa-
duct" Then follows SIR. BIrch's righteous reso-
lutjou: II fully intend to i've such life in the
" future tina. shall regain ber confidence; and
/" then am cure there will be no cause for con
tinued separation" Is not this very handsome
in Mr. Birch He is too penitent and TOO chival'
rous to whisper his confession In corner, or 70
conceal it in letter. He courts publicity. He
sdyertses his intended reformation. he puts it 10
black and hte; 90 that, if hereafter be should DO
90 lost to all sense of duty as to berate bis break
fast, curse his dinner, sneer at his supper swear
at his shirt fronts or otherwise lacerate the gentle
bosom of Mrs. Birch, all the world may know that
to pugsacity he has added moral perjury, and that
be is not only ferociOus but false.
We wish Mr.. Birch a felicitous result of his
present discipline, which should be methodically
conducted. He should heroically sleep between
damp sheets-he should have an invalid infant to
cry all night at bis bedside-he should breakfast
upon MUDDY coffee, dine at sixpenny ordinary,
and sup nowhere-he should engage two eminent
professional scolds to give him daily lessons 10 p,-
tience-he should accustom himself to shirts alto
getoer buttonless. And when be has thus learned
to control his temper and bride his tOngue-when
he has become coDsiderate and knd-when he has
discovered that women have something to do and
sometimes do tive hope Mrs. Birch will return
to find Mr.. Birch gadder and wiser man. Mel
ther party will then think it to be at all necessary
to publish "cards;" but a private letter, an
nounciDg the pleasing reunion, will be received at
this Office; and no pecuoiary charge will be made
for the excellent advice which we have offered.