The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1859-06-15

New BILL OF RIGHTS A wag has made up the
following summary of what he calls the "lnalIena-
able Rights of Americans and which are not emu
merated in the declaration of independence
10 know any trade or business without appren-
ticeship orexperience
To marry without regard to fortune state of heath,
position opinion of parents or friends.
To have wife and children dependent on contln-
gencies of business, and in case of sudden death,
leave them wholly unprovided for.
To put off upon hireing stKengers the literary,
moral, and religious education Of children.
To teach children good trade hoping they will
have when grown up, wit enough to live on the in
dustry of other people. To enjoy the general sym
pathy when made bankrupt by reckless specula-
lions.
To cheat the government, if possible,
To hold office without being competent to dis
charge its duties.
To build houses with nine and ixainch walls and
go to the funerals of tenants fremen and others kill
ed by their fall, weeping over the mysterious dis
pensation of providence
Totuild up cities and towns without parks, pub
lie squares, broad streets ventilated blocks and
call pestilence visitation Of God.
TIMELY WARNING.-A Yankee editor thus confess
ed to have had dealings with Satan, for the good Of
his readers, of course;
was sitting in my study, when l heard knock
at the door.
Come in" said |; when the door opened, and
who should walk in but-Satan
How dye do?" said he
pretty well, /" said /.
What are you about, preparing your leader?'
yes said I.
"Ah, dare say you think you are doing great
"WeIi, not so much as could wish but a little
good, hope" said l.
You have a large lot of readers?" said he
"Well, pretty well for that said I.
"And dare say you are pretty proud of them"
remarked Satan.
mo, am not, for not one half of them pay for
their papers" said |.
"Yuo don't say SOP he exclaimed
Eyes, that do one half u them pay for their
papssTTsI"
"Wel," said he, ''then they are an immoral lot;
let me have the list think can do trife myself
with such people,"
A traveller domiciling at a hotel exclaimed
morning to the waiter: "What are you about, you
black rascal? You have reused me twice from my
sleep by telling me that breakfast is ready, and
you are attempting to strip off the bedclothes. What
do yoa meanF'
"Why," replied Pompey, off you isn't going to
getup, must have de sheet any hGw, cause dey're
waiting for the table coff,"
A western editor thus fills up blank in column:
"'Twas the dead of nght-an awful silence reign
ed The stars cast their soft rays from the dome
above. Young Lucius was not to be intimdated,
though he was that night to peril his life-and-
and"
Foreman--"That's quite enough, sir--that will
lust fill the column"
An editor says his attention was first drawn to
matrmony by the skillful manner in which pref
ty girl handled broom
A brother editor upon this remarks, that ''the
manner in which his wife handles a broom is not so
very pleasing"
Of course not. Easily explained though "cir.
cumstances alter cases"
Father" said rogqish boy, ~ hope you won't
buy any more gunpowder Sea for mother"
"Why?" asked the father.
Because every time she drinks it she blows US
up in storm"
go to bed sir Immediately"
"What do you mean, You little rascal?" exclaim- |
ed an individual to an impudent youth that had
seized him by the nose the street. ooh, nothing
only going to seek my fortune, and my father |
told to take hold Of the first thing that turned
up in my way.
An editor says that when he was in prison for
libelling justice of the peace, he requested !
by the jailor "to give the prison puff"
Honor and dishonor are purchased by our own
actions honest poverty may bring inconvenience
and distress, but shame; riches often gilds !
the body, but often corrupt the soul.
Why is the Ohio river like drunkard? Because
It takes in the Monongahela, goes past Wheeling, |
gets Licking at Cincinnati, and Falls at Louis
vile.
An object of "interost"- girl whose income is
So 900 year. -
Be civil to who bites the finger ends of
her gloves.
Why is deputy sheriff like d and usefnlin
Vention? Because he is sue-ing machine
man who undertakes to reach high position by
making speeches, is like parrot climbing with his
hpa