The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1859-05-11


An Irish soldier, who was boastin pf his great
courage, was asked why he runaway inl battle. "Ah
faith, says Pat "me heart is b0wld al lon-so it
r.; but happened to have pair Of dowardly legs,
which runaway with me body, when j d be after the
inimy, bad luck to theml"
Why is womans tongue ike plahnet2 Because
nothing short Of the power that created it can stop
its regular course. The man who parpstrated this
conundrum has left for California; be was pursued
by forty women, and forty brooEasticks were picked
up in the harbor after the vessel left.
Lord North who detestei music was asked to
subscribe to concert. He refused "3ut YOUR lord
ships brother, the bishop Of Winchester, subscribed
literally" urged the applicant. IF were as deaf
as he, would subscribe too" was the reply.
tutor lecturing young man for his irregular
conduct, added with great pafhos: TTha report of
your vice will bring your fathers gray hairs with
sorrow TO the grave a beg ygur pardon, sir, re
Piled the Incorrlgible, 'my father wears a wig"
chap walking along the street seeing lawyers
othee walked in and inquired Nv hHt do you keep
tn SELF "Blockheads,' replied tile lawyer. "Pret-
ty good business guess, see YOU'VE dot only one
"How is it, said one little Miss to hu5ther chat
Johns never afraid, and I ann"
because he's got Roman nose and feels safe;
don't you remember how we read that it has always
been said that a Roman knowa--n0 dauger"
lyon would be- pretty, indeed said gentleman,
patroniziugly to young lady, IF Nolf eyes were
a little larger" my eyes may be small, Sir, but
such people az You don't fIl them No. Sir, net
BY far"
MA" said little boy the osher day dis that ug-
ly clothing merchant APP town a Hebrew7"
'fYes, ! believe be is"
Well then if he had a wife woull. she be a She
brew"
Dear me, Mrs Jones, where's your spn Carr? ]
amt seen him thia long time WELL I'LL tell YOU
Mr. Finks, his father, thought he'd have one what's
be smart; SO he sent him Oft to gel an epidemic
education
lady expressing wish in the presence Of her
son, boy Of five years, that she had something to
read that she had never read before tile boy exclam
Cd "take your bible, motherlT
"Lie is to be fortified by many friendships. To
love, and be loved is the greatest happiness Of
i5teuce. Friendships should be formed with persons
Of all ages aud conditions, and with 10th sexes"
An editor Of Indiana was attacked BY man for
some personal grievance. Thsedtor gays, 10 avoid
InjurIng him. and to prevent his InjurAng US we got
out Of the way"
'fYou always lose your temper in my company"
said an individual Of doubtful reputation to gen
tleman. True, sir, and shouldn't wonder if lost
every thing have about me"
What difference is there between fool and alook-
Ing CLASSY Answgr-0ne speaks without rejecting
and the other reflects without speaking.
Don't touch the flute when the drums are resound-
ing. A wise man remains silent while fools are
speaking
The Louisville Journal says, the Mississippi river
is a very troublesome customer. There is too much
water all along shore, and too little atits mouth
Foote expressed the belief That certain miser
would take the beam out Of his own eye if he knew
lie could sell the timber
What is that which no man wants, which if any
man has lie would not part with for untold wealth
A bald head
What Is the difference between good soldier and
a fashionable LADY, Auswer-One faces the pow
der, and the ether powders the face.
Listening to lady who was pouring out stream
Of talk, JerroId whispered I'd the person next him
She'll be coughing soon, and then we can strike in.
Iynheer Drinkenhoff makes distinction thus:
TOO much Whiskey is too much, bue top much lager
beer is shoost right"
A young lady who was urged to study French, re-
piled, that she of the opinion that one tongue
was enough for any woman.
a Dutchman's heart-ending soliloquy is described
thus: "She lofes Shon Michle much peter as |,
because he cot koople dollars more as has
"Are you looking for any one in particular as
the rat said when he saw the eat watching him
Beauty nipPed in the waist Is like rose niPPed
In the bud.
tits great pleasure to be alone-especially when
you have your sweetheart with you.
Mother" said little boy, I'm tired Of this pug
nose; it's growing pugger and pugger every day.
ON let you off easy this time az the horse said
when he capsized mis- rider into the soft mud.
To think too poorly Of yourself is weakness, to
think towel Of yourself is folly.
Labor lost--an organ grinder playing at the door
Of a deaf and dumb asylum.
of you beat me, I'll call out the soldiers says
the drum.
Why is couundrum like A monkey2 Because it
is far fetched, and full of nonssnce and fun.
Many who tries to be eccentric. only makes
himself ridiculous.