Nashville patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1858-1860, 1859-07-11
~ A S III v IL l. F.:
MONDAY MORNING, JULY IL, 1853


of the case, so far as they have been develop
ed, are about these:
Sometime during the spring of 1858. Mr..
JETHRo G. ROUsER led the fair. but by no
means faultless, Mrs. ELIZABETH SINGLETON
to the altar. 1t may b related as singular
coincidence that at the same tins the fair but
nv no means faultless Mrs. ELIZABETH SNIG-
CLIFTON led Mr. JETHRo G.. ROUsER to the
halter. Up to the moment at which these in
cidents transpired: Ms. ELIZABETH SNIGGLE-
TON was an ableboded, strong minded don't-
care-a-cussitve widow of forty-fve years and
half dozen small children. while Mr.. JETHRo
G. RoUsER diminutive, weak-kn-ed
bac ielor of thirty-ive years and no small
children at alas FAR as heard from. Ii Mr..
r USERS legs are weak. they have deuced
little advantage over bis mind in that respect,
for while Il cannot justly be said that Mr..
RoUsER hasn't sense enough to go III out OF
the rain, the truth Of history would be ontra-
ged were we to declare that Mr.. R"UsER is a
gentleman of enlarged mental capacities
Not 10 put too fine point upon it, Mr. RoU-
SER, as they say in the vulgate. 'ain't smart"
On the contrary. Mrs. RousER is AS sharp as
a patent high-pressure stceItrap; she knows
several things; among the rest, she knows
her own strength and Me- Ror,ER's weakn SO.
She knows also how to use her tongue, which.
in the opinion of Mr.. RoUsER, is as Timber as
well-rCpe and almost as long
From the data here furnished, the DIS
eliminating reader will be at no loss to de-
termine as to who is the chief cook and
bottle-washer. the big dog of Mr.. JErHRo U.
RoUsER's domestic lanyard In Mr.. RoUsEI s
DAYS of single-llessedness. he was wont
facetiousIy TO declare that when be married,
he wanted "a woman who could sling a
dinner-pot over the the kitchen and kick u
dog to r." Thanks to the indnlSent
gods. that desire Of MIR. RoUsER's heart was
brilliantly realized But singularly enough,
no sooner wa, that desire changed to fruition,
than the romance of the thing vanished into
thin air. 1t is a no less distinguished indi-
viduaI than Mr. RoUsER who declares that
Tor the six weeks Immediately succeeding his
marriage, be felt as if be could eat his wife.
and that he is now ID sorry he didn't /.
1t is to be regretted that RousER is So very
prOiane- -.
On the afternoon of the Sd of July inst,
one of Mr.. RtIsgRs friends interrogatcd that
gentleman as To how and where he intended
TO spend the "Gcl-lorious FOURTH Mir.
RoUsER replied that he didn't exactly know,
and intimated that the matter would most
probably hinge upon the wishes OF Mrs.
Roo Err.
"ROUsER," said his friend, "are you aware
that You are the down-trodden subject OF an
absolute md lyrann cal petIicoat government!
Don't you know -"
-Come, now, ToMKINs," feebly remonstra,
ted RoUsER.
Don't you know, ROUsER, that Mrs. Rot
SER is making slave and a pusillanimous
ninkumpoOp OF your"
NOW don't, ToMKINs; such remarks are
unjust to me and TO Mrs. R0USER"
RoUsER was not mad; he was not indignant;
but his & elings were hurt.
ma, RoUsER, I'm not unjust to you; and
if am TO Mrs. RoUSER, il is her business a.
the head of the establishment, and not yours.
to fare up about it,"
Il don't mean 20 fare up, ToMKINs; but you
don't know Mrs. RoUsER."
..Yr- | do know her, and if she were my
wife,
Cad! | wish she were, ToMKINs-though
don't wish you any HARM
Then don't wish that, ROrsER. It's what
call the worst sort of harm. If she were
nv wife, I'd cool her down so quick it would
astonish her.
'.Eh, ToMKINs? If you'll just tell me how
to cool her down, I'll make you present of
the finest pair of boots in Nashville"
"Say suit of clothes, K USER and I'll
do it. It'll be worth twice that to you"
.'ToMkINS, this is subject which | confess
I'm little interested in. | don't mind the
expense of the thing. aud if you can give me
a safe aud reliable method, wouldn't object
to keeping you in clothes the rest OF your
life
We'll, then, RousER, do you go home to-
night and mention the Fourth of July TO Mrs.
RoUsER. Tell h-r that yog mean to spend the
day with T0MKINs-no, don't mention my
name-with few friends, over a bottle OF
wine and game of seven-up, and that she
can do as she pleascs, and be hanged to heI
This will raise the dickins-"
"Wcll, | should rQtter say it wOuld.r
That's precisely what you want. Mrs
ROU-ER will cut up like mad; then, do you
turn round and cut up likeLwo times mad
and when she gels at her worst, you've moth
ing to DO but fly around, cuss, and break
things"
"ToMKINs! you're a fool; why don't you
advise fellow to pitch heels upward into
at once, and be done with it?n
Snow, look here, RoUsER. just do as tell
you; come out for your rights strong; carr,
the thing through without d nching (for if you
finch once. you're gomez aud if Mrs. RoUsER
don't lay down the trousers aud give you the
lead, I'll pay the damages"
.'If you cere to pay the damages in such a
case, if the payment didn't break you, then
hang ne!'
RuUsER was weak, and incredulous, being
fully alive 10 the dangerous nature of the ex-
pertinent which ToNKINs urged him To under
take; but inally having drawn frequent
and heavy draughts from II pocket-compan-
ion his frind happened to have about his
clothes. and having been assured by ToMKINs
that has wife FUSED tn be ten times as rauian-
kerous rs Mrs. RousER,' and that he had
.'cured her until she had got to be as gentle as
very small kitten" he determined to go
inn and give Mrs. RoUsER one round, any
how.
About the time the street-lamps began to
make darkness visible that evening. NJ.
RousER reached his residence, or more pro-
parly sneakinp Mrs RousRR' = residence and
as he planted his foot upon the door-sill.