Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1859-05-06
FACT, FUN, AND FANCY.

81 Money may credit you, but it is
wisdom that must aaorn yes.
EzS- Don't harrow up my feelings"
as the worm said when the pillow was pass
ing over him.
Gx7- Never confiie in young man;
new pals leak Never tel your secrets
60 the aged old doors seldom shut close.
G-S'- Beecher says there are many per-
sons who think that Sunday is a sponge,
With which to wipe out the sins Of the
week.
ne All around the Year, said
Brown, reading notice of Dickens
new magazine that must be an IN
anal"
Ef3- Somebody says that physicians
are the nut-crackers used by angels to
get our souls out of the shells that sur
round them.
Ezs- A witness in Hoosier court be-
ing asked how he knew that two certain
persons were man and wife, replied,
Why, dog on it, I've hearn 'em scold-
ing each other more'n fifty times"
ISy- Doesticks," describing New
York boarding house. says you can al
ways tel when they get new kitchen
girl, by the color Of the hair in the
biscuit.
Rzy- The editor Of a welI-known ma
gazine wears a long goatee. A wag no.
tIc:ng his habit of handling it when wri-
ting, suggested that he was milking his
brains.
Gss- A batchelor returning the other
evening from ball, iu a crowded coach,
declared with groan that he had net
the slightest objection to " rings on his
fingers" but he had most uuequivocal
objection to Jclies on lis toes"
Exs- The Napoleon (Ark. } Planter
says; We do not claim to be model
of morality or sobriety, or lecturer on
morals, but we are satisfied from person
al observation, that we drink too mach.
Why don't we quit it, then?
Rg~ Benjamin Franklin gives this adj
vice: II would advise you to read with
q pen in your hand, and enter in little
book short hints of what you find that is
curious or may be useful"
Who is that lovely girl y cxclaim-
ed the witty Lord Norbury. in company
with his friend, Counsellor Grant, miss
Glass, replied the Counsellor. Il should
often he intoxicated could l place such
glass to my lips"
EF Fifty Editors, in Maine, recent
ly went on an excursion they made
common purse and bought box Of sar-
dimes for dinner In consequence Of
that reckless extravaganza forty-ninc of
them have since taken the benefit Of the
bankrupt act
Ess- Bubby, why don't you go home
and have your mother sew up that hole
in your trousers ?" "Oh, 20 along, old
woman, our folks are economizing, aud
hole win last longer than patch "
rxs If there is q heaven on earth, It
is on soft couch by your own Preside,
with your wife on one side, a smiling
baby on the other, clear conscience,
dozen five cent cigars, knowledge that
you are out of debt, and don't fear the
printer, tailor, sheriff, or the devil
Ger A writer in the New York Her.
aid, commenting upon late pagilistic
challenge, says:
If Hcenan whips Sayers, then the
commercial Importance Of the U States
is greater than that Of England; then
the British government is humbug,
and our congress the only palladium of
popular liberty; then our authors, ar
lists, editors, lawyers, clergymen, and
10 on, are cleyerer than those of Alhi-
Gus perfdious island; then Britannia
no longer rules the waves, but Neptune's
trident is transferred to fair Columbia. 7"
A LESSON IN GRAMMAR. -" Jake, did
YOU ever study grammar
81 did, sir"
"What case is Mr. D--Y
He's an objective case"
How so -
. Because be objected to pay his sub
scription that's been owing for three
years and half
Right What is a noun y
" Don't know, but know what re-
nown is"
Well, what is III"
Running off without paying the
printer, aud getting on the black list as
q delinquent"
Good What is conjunetion2'
A method Of collecting outstanding
descriptions in conjunction with the con-
s'able--neyer employed by printers I'M
I'll the last extremity"
That's right Go to your scat and
qait shooting paper wads at the girls"