Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-02-11
WIT AND HUMOIs.
The PeriIs of Teaching Grammar to
Young DamselS.

4
Young Damsels.
Mr.. EDITOR
l have been sendin' my darter Nancy tt
school in this naborhoud. Last Friday
went over to the school Just to see how Nan.
cy was gittn' along, and | sees things
didn't like by no means. The schoolmastel
was larnin' her things entirely ont OF the
line of edycation, and, as think, improper.
/ set awhile in the school. house and heered
one class say their lesson. They was spell
hn'. and | thot spelled quite exceedingly
Then cum Nancy's turn to say her lesson
She said it very spry. l was shockt! and
determind she should leave that school.
have heered that grammer was an uncom-
mon fine study, but don't want any more
grammer about my house. The lesson tina,
Nancy laid was nothn' but the foolishest
kind Nv talk, the ridiclisist luv talk you
ever seed She got up, and the first word
she said was Il love!" looked rite at her
hard for doing so improper, but she went
rite on and said Thou lowest, he loves and
l reckon you never heard such riggermy-
role in your ite--love. love, love, and noth-
in bnt love. She said one time. 81 did
love-"
Sez I, "Who did you love9' Then the
and asked, "Who did you love, Nancy9 |
Schoolrnaster, Mr. McQnillster, put in and
he said he would explane when Nancy fin
ished the lesson. This sort pacyfed me-,
and Nancy went on with awful love talk
1t got wus and wus every word. She sed,
81 might could or would love-"
/ stopped her again, and said l reckon l
IL. II IL
out of that house. The school master tried
to interfere, but would not let him say @
word. He sed was fool, and nockt him
down and made him hoer in short order.
| told him i ie show him how hede teach my
darter grammer.
l got the nabers together. and We sent
Mr.. McQuilster off in a hurry and l reckon
tharl be no more grammer teachin' In these
parts soon. If you know of any oldI sh man
in your reegen that doant teech grammer:
we wood be glad if You wood send him up.
But in the footure we will be keerful how
we employ men. Yung schoolmasters won't
do, especially if they teeches grammer. 1t
is bad thing for morals.
Yours till deth
LEGISLATIVE FuN--The business of ap-
pointing magistrates for the State of North
Carolina, was carried into Sunday last
week, and made astonishingly divers fed in
the Senatorial branch. One Senator NOV
ed that the new speaker be required to de-
liver his inaugural, and explain how Gain
came to be branded with horse shoe
Another, that instead CT q copy Of the Rev.
Code, the Justices of the Peace for Person
should each be. furnished with pair of
obi i FL, ,,,1S
tor, hy adding No. l2's to shoes. The SEN
ator from Person moved to give the Justices
of BERTHE each barrel Offerings. Another
moved to strike out ssbarrel Of herrings,'
and insert ga good shirt" A message was
also received from the House inqui i the
price of peanuts and whisky.
ssRUNNING CHURCHES. - A man sit
ting upon the verandah of an up country
inn, hailed tone of the oldest inhabtants,'
and inquired the denomination of the church
on the opposite side Of the road. The re-
ply was-''Wall she was a hard she'll Bap-
tist, naturally, but they don't run her now."
tY Mr.. Snub perceived that the milk he
was pouring into his cottee-cup was none OF
the richest. Ga this he said to his hostess
Haven't you any milk that is more cheer
full than ths?'' "What do you mean by
that ?" sWhy, th milk seems overpowered
with the blues!"
w A down east "tiler Of the soil'' thus
mourns his defunct gal:
We miss thee at the washing tub
We miss thee at the planDa:
In the morning you used to rub and scrub,
And at night you'd shout hosanna
- A pedagogue threatened to punish
a pupil who had called him fool, behind his
back. Don't! don'tn' said the boy. 81
won't do so again, sir, never! l never
will say what l think again in my lfe!''
w Their, is an observing man about
town, who says tn he always took notice
that whenever he lived through the month
Of May, he always lived through the year.
GT You may wish to get wife without
a failing, but what if the lady, after you
find her, happens to be in want OF husband
OF the same character?
~" a japanese nobleman, upon being
shown a fashion plate in an American mag
azine, was much startled and exclaimed =
s'How very fat your women are!"
A witness was asked if the defendant
s'stood on the defensivc!" sNo," he re-
piled, ''he stood en- a bench, an fit like old
Satan" r......
"Thunderation, mis- err" said long
legged Yankee to the elephants keeper,
s'what animal is that ere, with tail at both
ends2' ax..... .a
n9- A woman will tolerate tobacco smok-
ing in man she likes-and yet. curiously Y
enough, how she abominates it in man she
dslikes! ~
Out West Lyceum-question for discus
sion ''Can = big man ache harder than q
little man?" -I .rr
E Mrs. Partington has bought horse
so splrituous that he always goes off in de-
cdllfer. j t .sr
ftA man passes for sage if he seeks
for wisdom; if he thinks he has found it
ne is fool. r15.E O.. rezs ~e.e.r
,NYA paper out west has for its motto
''Good will TO all men who pay promptly.
Devoted to news, fun and making moneys
. . . ----------- 'H
-The African slave trade and the acqui-
sition of. Cuba will become, though they are
not now, the absorbing issues in the South.
The large body of conservative Southernmen
have now an influence, but lis on the decline,
and they must be overwhelmed by the clamor
of the demagogues. 1e ta
How TO PRoNoUNcE THEM.-The follow
ing is said to be the correct pronunclator
ofyarious geographical names in the South
west, which are frequently mentioned II
tho newspapers: r-z .s rs 55.
Mohave- No o-ha-vy. Tejon- Tay -hone
Albuquerque -Albu-ker-ky. Tulare- Tu'
larry. San joaquin San-wak.in. Rie
Grande-Reeo Grandy. Del Nor,e-De
Nor-ty. Santa Fe-San-t :-Fay. ".e
REMEDY FOR THE ToorHAcHE.- an(
vinegar held in the mouth, will relieve the