Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1859-06-25
Aunt Hetty on Matr;mony.

"Now, girls, said Aunt Heliy, put
down your embroidery and worsled work,
do something sensible, and stop building
air castles, and talking Of lovers and hon
eymoon; ii makes NE sick, it is perfectly
aniimon!al.
"Love is farce; matrimony is hum.
bug; husbands are domestic Napoleons,
Neros, Alexanders, sighing for other
heats TO conquer after they are sure Of
yours.
"The honeymoon is as short-lived as
luclfer match; after that you may wear
our wedding dress at the wash-lub, and
y our husband won't know it,
"You may pick up your own pocket
handkerchief, help yourself to chair, and
split your gown across the back reaching
over the table to get piece of butter,
while he is laying in his breakfast as if it
were the last meal he shoult eat in the
world.
"When he gets through he will aid
your digestion, while you are slipping
your first cup Of coffee, by inqulring
what you'll have for dinner, whether The
cold lamb was all ale yesterday, if the
charcoal is all out, and what you gave for
the last green tea you bought, and when
you got il.
"Then he gets up from the table lights
his cigar with the last evenings paper,
that you have not had chance 10 read,
give TWO or three whiffs of smoke, sure
to give you headache for the afternoon,
and just as his coal-lail is vanishing
through the door apologies for not doing
'lhat errand' for you yesterday, thinks it
doubtful if he can lo. day, he is so pressed
with business.
Hear of him at eleven o'clock taking
an ice cream with some ladies at Walk
er's while you are e, home new lining
his coat-sleeves. Children by the ears all
day, can't get out to take the air, feel as
dizzy as fly in drum; husband comes
home al night, mods 'how dye do, Fan,
boxes Chariey's ears, stands liule Fsnney
in the corner, sits down in the easiest
chair 10 The warmesi corner, puts his
feet up over the CRATE, shutting all the fire
from view.
"The baby's little pug nose grows
blue with the cold; he reads the newspa-
pers all to himself, solaces The inner man
with cup of tea, and just as you are la.
boring under the hallucinalion that he will
ask you TO take mouthful of fresh all
with him, he puts on his dressing gown,
and slippers, and begins to reckon up the
family expenses
"A(ler this, he lays down on the sofa
and you keep time with your needle
while he snores to nine o'clock.
"Next morning ask him TO leave YOU .
little money! he looks al you as if 10 be
sure you are in your right mind, draws {
sigh long enough and strong enough 10 in
fa;e pair of bellows, and asks you, ,wha
you want with it, and if half a dollar
won't do
"Grac!ous king as if these little shoes
and stockings and pelIicoats could be had
for half dollar
"Oh, girls set your affections on cats
poodes, parrots, lap dogs, but let malri'
mony alone. It's the hardest way on
earth of getting living; you never know
when your work is done up.
"Think Of carrying eight or nine chill,
dren through The measles, chicken.pox,
rash mumps, and scarlet fever, some Of
EN- twice over; it makes my headache 10
think of it.
"Oh, you scrimp and save, and twist
and turn, and dig and delve, and econo-
mize, and e,and your husband will mar
ry again, and take what you have saved
10 dress his second vile with, and she
will take your portrait Tor a fireboard; but
what's the use Of talking
"Ill warrant every one Of you'll try it,,
the first chance you get; there's sort Of
bewilchmenl about it, somehow, | wish
one-hsIf Of the world want fools, and the
oIber half ,d;,ts I do oh Ia,r -