The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1859-11-23
SJ(p. IS.
9 gasket of Ghips.
HACKED OUT PICKED UP BY THE sUBscRIRyp


the Press"
* President Buchanan uses no to-
bacco.
* General Oass drinks no liquor.
- Senator Douglas uses no pepper.
- Caleb Gushing performs his own
shaving.
* Edward Everett writes his er-
tempora'aeouS addresses.
Xxx Longfellow, the poet, smokes a
meerschaum.
~ Holmes is the smallest poet in
size.
~ Fields is said to be the best look
ing.
* Pike, of Arkansas, is the largest.
Xxx Prentice writes the sweetest poe
try.
* "The Subscriber" writes the
poorest poetry.
Xxx In India lac of rupees imWealth
here lack of dollars is poverty.
** Temperance is the father of old
age, health ard cheerfulness.
~ Advice to Young Men-Get a
piece of Calico that viii wash.
* Good harvests make men prodi-
gal, bad ones provident.
TX He who lives in sin without re-
pentanee shall die without forgiveness.
** When man speaks plain truth,
he speaks good deal in small COM
pass.
* An infdeI who expects to die
like a beast, is very apt to live like
one
TX Four things come not back the
broken word, the sped arrow, the past
life, and the neglected opportunity
TX Bow to, destiny. One of those
days he may be polite and return your
bow.
Xxx Sleep is deaths half brother, and
SO like him that / never dare trust
him, without my prayers
* Nothing prevents person from
being natural and easy, so much as an
extreme anxiety to appear so.
* A mind might ponder its thoughts
for ages and not gain as much self
knowledge as the passion Of love shall
teach it in one day.
Xxx "Tis our turn now, as the au-
tumn leaves said to the west wind.
You be blowed, !" was the reply, and
the leaves blushed at the rudeness..
* A man who won't take a. paper
because he can borrow one, has inven-
ted machine with which he can cook
his dinner by the smoke of his neigh
boris chimney.
** A lady's maid hooked one of the
best of her mistress dresses the other
day, but the affair was passed over
because it was done behind the lady's
back-so that there was nobody to tes-
tify to the fact.
* A Miss Thompson in Tennessee,
has recently recovered $4,000 in q
suit for breach of promise of mar
rage, against man named Patterson.
That was striking" Mr. Patterson
pretty hard.
* The most amusing man in the:
world is Frenchman in a passion.
"By gar, you call my wife woman,
1 two or three several times once more,-
an will call you the watch house, and
blow out your brains like CANDLE"
* There is in the family of John A.
Nolle, Brandywine street, Spring Gar
den, tom-cat of enormous size. He
weighs thirty one pounds. and measures:
thirty seven inches from the tip of the
nose to the end of the tail and twenty
{. eight inches around the girth.
Methinks | hear ''woice."
* A gentleman gave coat to
Chinese to serve as pattern by which
to make new one; there happened
to be rent across the shoulder, and a
large patch on the elbow of the old
coat; the faithful Chinese made large
rent, and put on patch on the elbow
of the new
~ The editor of the Evansville.
Enquirer, is suffering with the ague.-
He advertiSes in recent issue for a
sober and industrious man to do his.
shaking" A steady situation is Of
fered to any able-bodied man who has,
been vaccinated, had the measels, and
had the mumps on both sides.
TX An exchange paper says that
horse and wagon were recently drown
ed in the Ohio.
/ Now isn't that awful What a
tale the tongue of that wagon could
have told had it been rescued And
what "spokes " the wheels would have
uttered
~ II wish was ghost, blamed
/
if don't, said poor covy, the other
night as he was soliloquizing in the
cold. They goes whereverthey please
toll free; they don't owe nobody moth
in, and that's comfort. Who ever
heard tell of man who had bill
against ghost. Nobody. Theyney-
er buys hats and witals, nor has to saw
wood nor run arrauts, as | do"