Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1859-08-09
The Husband who was to mind the House

Inc duSDanu WHO was 10 lulhu tuc uousc'
Once on time there was man so surly and
Gloss, he never thought his wife did anything
right in the house. So, one evening, in hay
making time, he came home, scolding and swear
ing, and showing his teeth and making dust.
"Dear love, don't be SO angry; there's good
man." said his goody; ''to-morrow let's change
our work. I'll 80 out with the mowers and
NOW, and you shall mind the house at home."
Yesl the husband thought that would do very
well-he was quite willing, he said.
So, early next morning, his goody took scythe
over her neck, and went out into the hay field
with the mowers, and began to NOW; but the
man was to mind the house, and do the work al
home
First of all, he wanted to churn the butter;
but when he had churned awhile, he got thirsty
and went down to the cellar to tap barrel o
ale. So, just when he had knocked in the bung
and was putting the tap into the cask, ne heard
overhead the pig come into the kitchen. Then
off he ran up the cellar steps with the tap in his
hand, as fest as he could, to look after the pig
lest it should upset the churn; but when be gol
up, and saw the pig had already knocked the
churn over, and stood there, routing and grunt-
ing amongst the cream which was running all
over the floor, he got SO wild with rage, that he
quite forgot the ale barrel and ran at the pig as
hard as he could. lie caught it just as it run
out of doors, and gave it such kick, that piggy
laid for dead on the spot. Then al at once he
remembered he had the tap in his hand; but
when he got down to the cellar, every drop Of
ale had run out of the cask.
Then he went out into the dairy and found e.
nough cream left to fill the churn again, and SO
he begun to churn, for butter they must have at
dinner. When he had churned bit, he remeln-
bered that their milking COW was still shut up
in the byre, and hadn't had bit to eat or drop
to drink all the morning, though the sun was
high. Then all at once he thought twas too far
to take her down to the meadow, so he'd just get
her up on the house top--for the house you must
know was thatched with sods, and fine crop OF
grass was growing there. Now their house lay
close up against q steep down, and he thought II
he had laid plank across to the thatch at the
back he'd easily get the COW up.
But still he couldn't leave the churn, for there
was his little babe crawling about on the floor,
and ''f leave it" he thought, "the child is sure
to upset it," So he took the churn on his back,
and went out with it; but then he thought hed
better first water the cow before he turned her
out ON the thatch so he took up bucket to
draw water out Of the well, but as he stopped
down at the wells brink, all the cream ran out
of the churn over his shoulders, and so down in
to the well.
Now it was near dinner time, and he hadn't
even got the butter yet; so he thougt he'd best
boil the porrdge, and flied the pot with water
and hung it over the fire. When he had done
that, he thought the cow might perhaps fall oil
the thatch and break her legs or her neck. So
he got up on the house to tie her up. One end
of the rope he made fast to the cows neck, and
the other he slipped down the chimney and tied
round his own thigh and he had to make haste,
for the water now began to boil in the pot, and
he had still to grind the oatmeal.
So he began to grind away but while he was
hard at it, down fell the COW off the house-top
after all, and as she fell, she dragged the man up
the chimney by the rope. There he stuck fast
and as for the cow, she hung halfway down the
wall, swinging between heaven and earth, Tor
she could neither get down nor up.
And now the goody had waited seven lengths
and seven breadths for her husband to come and
call her home to dinner; but never call they
had. ct last she thought she'd waited long g.
nough, and went home. But when she got there
and saw the COW hanging in such an ugly place
she ran up and cut the rope in two with her
scythe. But as she did this down came her hus.
band out of the chimney and so when his old
dame came inside the kitchen, there she found
him standing on his head in the porridge pot
| Morse Tales.