Lynchburg daily Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1852-1861, 1859-09-15

Divorced by Mistake.

Ono Winter there came to Trenton, New ,Ier-
scy, two men. ramcd S.nth und Jones. who had
both OF them dcsigna on tho Legislature. Jones
had n bad wife and wns in 1--we with pretty wo-
man hc wished 10 lie divorced fr'm his had wife,
~ that he might marry the pretty woman who,
hv the way wus widow. with black ewes. and
such form! Therefore Jones camo To Trenton
for divwcc.
Smith had good wife good as mn angel, and
the mother OF ten children. and Smith did not
want - be divorced, but did want to get charter
for II turnpike or plankroad, to extend from Pigs
Run to Terrnpn Hollow.
Well they, with these different crrands, cnmc
to Trcnton, and addressed the assembled wisdom
with the usual arguments. First, suppers compo-
sed of oysters with rich background of vcnis5n !;
second, liquors in great plenty from Jersey
lightning" which isn kind of locomotive NJ full
speed, reduced to liquor shape. to Newark cham
pagnc.
To speak in plain prose, the divorce man gave
u champagne supper, ard Smith, the turnpike
NAV, followed with a champagne breakfast un.
der the notifying influence of which the assem-
BILE wisdom passed both the divorce and turnpike
bills: and Jones and Smith--a copy ot cnel bill in
their pockcts-went ri piclng home, over miles OF
sand and throus the tribuiation uf many stage
coachcs.
Smith arrived home in the evening, and as he
sat down in his rarl,r. his pretty wife beside him
how pretty she did look and five OF her chill
lrcn nyrrhcarng the Other five studying their les
sons in the Of the room, Smith was induced
to cspaiate uron the good results OF his mission
to Trenton.
"A turnpike my dear; am one Of the directors
and will be President. 1t will set me up love; /;
VIC can send our children to tho boarding school,
and live in style out OF the toll Here is the char
ter, honey"
let me see it," said the pretty little wife,
who was one of the incest of wives, with plump
l.o, E,.,,
let me see it," as she leaned over Mr.. Smiths
shoulder.
But all at once Smiths visage grew long; Smiths
wfcs visago grew black. Smith was not profane
but now he ripped out nm awful oath.
BLAST us, wife, those internal scoundrcls at
Trenton have gone and divorced us!'
1t was too true the parchment which he held
was n bill of divorce, in which the names Of Smith
and Smiths vile appeared in frightfully lcgble
letters
Mrs Smith wiped her eyes with tho corner of
her apron.
Heres turnpike" she said sadly. "and
with tho whole of our ten children staring me
in the face, | aint your wife! Here's turn
pike"
BLAST the pike and the Legislature and"
WELL the fact is that Smith. reduced to single
blessedness, enacted into stranger to his own
wife, swore awiully. Although tho night wns
dark, and most Of the dcnizens of Smiths town
had gone to bed Smith bid his late wife to put on
her bonnet, and arm in arm they proceeded to tho
cIergymen of their church.
Goodness bless me !" exclaimed the good man
as he saw them enter. Smith looking like the
last of June shad. Smiths wife wpng her eyes
with the corner of her apron-"Goodness bless Inc
what's the natter"
1.-The matter is, | want you to marry us two
right off, replied Smith.
Marry you" CALCULATED the clergyman with
,voonJaJ an nd In ire VI drank
or what is the matter with your"
However, he finally married them over straight
way and would not take fee; the fact is. grave
as he was, he was dying to be alone that he might
give vent to a suppressed laugh that was shaking
him all over; and Smith and Smiths wifo went
,ren. The little Smiths never knew that their
father and aoher had ever been made strangers
to each other by legislative enactment.
Meanwhile, and on the same night, Jones re-
turned to his native town--Burlngton, believe
and sought at once the fine black eyes which
he had hoped shortly to call his own. The pret-
ty widow sat on the sofa, o white kerchief tied
carelessly about her round white throat her
black hair laid in silky waves against each rosy
cheek
divorce, il the word" cried Jones, playfully
patting her double chin; "the fact is, Eliza, I'm
rid of the cursed woman, and you and I'll be mar
ried tonight. ! knew how to manage those scoun-
drels aJ trenton, ~ cpampaRhe supPef--or WIS
it breakfast? did the business for them. Put on
your bonnet and let US 60 to the preachers ct
once, dearest" -
The widow. who was among widows as peaches
among apples, put on her bonnet and took Jones's
arm, and
just l,ok how handsome it il put on parch-
ment |" cried Jones, pulling cut the document be-
FIRE her: there's the law that says that Jacob
Jones and Ann Caroline Jones are two."
go