Nebraska advertiser., 1859-03-17
New DefnltIons on Old Word.

NCW UGuUAeAUMo VI VA0 WI uOa
EDIrURs OF THE GoDEE ERA- UTbaae
Sirs :4-Itis the practis---I almost sed the
privilidge-Of little minds to speke kon-
lemptuously of jenius, / like 10 see II
upon my sole I do!-for thare is no
thing l somutch admire in a ritter as zele
and ernestness, and thay DO buckle into q
man giving emmy evidense of talent, as
tho thare salvashun depended upon his
annihilashun. Too lite-hedded to kline
the ladder themselves, thay do everything
in thare power to prevent uthers from kli-
ming. Thay phasten 10 his kote-tale
with grip of desparashun, and il thay
do not sucksede in pulling him down, OF
cannot deter his upward kourse by vel.
ling phire and tocking of phalling brix
and timber, they viii ether hang to his
garment in the hope of being pulled up,
or mock the rounds out of the ladder. It
is Jest so with me. Envy has kollered me
and MALLS is tugging at my kOte-lale ike
a tarrier at a sow S ear. +
Too or thre correspondents Of interior
papers have bin blazing away at me-
One of them kails me a butcher of the
IngIish languidge, and anuther demons.
mates me an ass, do not forget, an ass
/ am both, Messrs. Editurs, and with
pride / avow il. Since these turns are
the wurst envy can phind for me, let me
explane THAR Specification. A butcher is
one hoo dissecks, and from a mass of legs
horns, hides, hare, hoofs and bones, per-
fectly useless as hole, produces savory
stakes and dainley tit-bits. So it is with
my anatomikle experiments with Guve.
nur Weller's Inglish, The languidge
kannot be eten hole, for lhare are wurds
in it long and tuf enuf to choke a Tt
tan. Sum one must kut it up, sum one
hoo knoze how to hit the joints, and in
what part of The CRATE karkass the ten
derloin lie, / am the anatomist-thal
is, the butcher.
That am an ass, also lake plashure
in assuring. No animal on erlh has suf.
fered more from meningitis filings anC
unjust detrackshuns than this pashent
well-meaning and intelligent quodruped
People are in the habit of speaking O
the ass as the embodiment Of stewpidi
ty, and it is time they ware korrected o
| the egregus error into which they havr
follen. That he hath long eers, grant
and that he is given to loud-mouthed ant
diskordant vosiferashun, | also admit
but that he is either stewpid or mewIish
US, most emfatically deny. He is, aside
from all prejudis, a kumly object, and il
his phase is stamped the sele of grayit,
and modest wurth. What is there re
Gickulus about him? He has large eers
so has the hare, butiful animal; be ha
a pekuliur tale-much like the elephant
IN animal of strength and kurridge; hi
voice sounds like a mixture of thunder
| t-phiting and saw-fiiling-the voice o.
the lion is also terrible; his hare phre
quently turns all the wrong way, mucl
to the diskreditit of his buty-planely in
dikating that he is more useful than or
namenta he is meke, that is vertue
he is furm, that is a manly quolity he i
not ambishus, which is sertinly kommen
dable; he loves lashure-bekause, prob
ably, he is of kontemplative turn o
mind; he kicks when imposed upon; h
bites when assailed with Pitch-phork o.
bludgeon; he kan smell korn-krib fur
ther oph than horse, and will get into I
turnip- patch over a stake-and-riderd fens
And yet he is kalled stewped and un
ganely! Nonsense! he is not half s.
ungainly as those who the most ridikul
, him.
With glory. therephore, do denomi
nate myself a butcher of the languidge-
with satisfackshun do / rite myself al
ass! P. X. V. KoRN KoB.