The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1859-11-05
From the Memphis Appeal.
The Unpleasant Memories OF Poor
u IaWYar.


to believe that the remark contained the
very essence of truth yet the wisdom of
this fast age has discovered that real re-
Ispectability is not a creature OF the mind,
dwells not in the head nor heart, but is act
ually dug out of the ground in the aurifer-
GUS regions of California-that ssMind is
not the stature of the man. but that the
pocket is.
Having received the foregoing valuable
Information from the gratuitous advice Civ
en- me by rich and highly respectable
friend, in lieu of trifling pecuniary loan,
sought to obtain of him, l launched my
bark upon the stream of life. AM COM
meneed fishing for responsibility, that could
be measured dccimally.
I initiated the example of aspiring men
and started West, having heard it truthfully
said that Indiana and Arkansas were the
only States in the Union that did not con-
tain dishonest men.
Through the agency of steamboats,, and
captains and clerks, who are always notori-
GUS for their generosity and politeness, from
the fact of their dead-heading a certain
class of literary gentlemen, 1 slowly drew
near to the West and old age.
Having arrived-not quite at old age
but far enough West to lose sight of she'll
oysters and large cities. I went ashore one
evening with my travelling companion, Mr..
Muggins, Jr., who was seeking a new local
| lily that contained room for his expanding
intellect, and where there were no first trav
elers of prohibitory liquor laws.
Muggins paid Japan colored individual
dime, and received in exchange the graft
flying intelligence that we were actually
cont West,'' in the Infamous town of
We stopped at hotel, first class, of
course, where we found ample acco:Hmoda-
tons, Muggins occupying bed with pro-
fessional gentleman, who, though not the
inventor, was the expounder of ''Mason's
best backing" and had the honor of
sleeping on cot bedstead with noble fell
low from New Foundland. I had no bag
gage, and was kindly invited to pay in ad-
vance. Muggins had baggage venerable
looking carpet-sack which gentleman of
African persuasion took in custody, and
soon ascertained that it contained one dirty
shirt and some valuable brickbats and old
newspapers. Landlord remarked that Mug
gins must have been raised in those parts,
as he knew their customs. Landlord was
highly pleased with M, and treated him to
some ''brandy straight" Said there was a
statute against using water as beverage
The water was needed for navigation, and
the only water drank in those parts was
Struggled through from Cincinnati, and la
beled ''Ohio Whisky"
Muggins afterwards remarked that he
never saw the liquor law enforced with SO
little lruble before.
We took stroll up town, and found that
all the citizens had collected in front of the
grocery to see US. felt annoyed, but
Muggins explained that they had assembled
there the day before, to see dog fight, and
were too tired to 60 home.
Muggins soon began to complain of a
peculiar sensatinn-said he felt like stealing
something, and thought it must result from
change of climate. We afterwards learn
ed it was local malady.
| Muggins saw a suit of clothes hanging
in front of clothing store and claimed
them by right of discovery, and thereupon
took possession. In a few moments he re-
eeived a pressing invitation to accompany
gentleman on visit to his Honor, the
Mayor; Muggins through politeness ac-
copied.
| Found his Honor on the bench dealing
| faro, and the lawyers and court officers bet
ting at the bank. The court stopped the
deal to enquire if Muggins wanted a stack
of chips when he was informed that Mug
gins had gone into the clothing trade with
out capital. On learning that it was his
first effort in the manly art, the court said
he would be obliged to fine him the liquor
for the crowd. Happy Muggins After
this he became a great favorite with the
citizens, and soon stole horse, and was
elected to the legislature and the last
ever heard of him was that he had been
scientifically dissected with bowie-knife
for interfering in dog fight.
+ As to YOUR servant, he found the road to
wealth aud responsibility difficult to travel.
He found himself at bar where Hoyle was
considered better authority than Black
stone, and where good law library consist
ed of a bookcase well-flled with myateri-
Gus looking bottles and pasteboard; however,
he gradually fell into the customs of the
country. He converted his body into
walking arsenal for small arms had lot
of blank challenges printed and stuck into
his pocket ready for use i; commenced get
ting drunk regularly every day at three
O'Clock, and was considered good citizen.
| My first case before justice of the peace
was the Preple rex, rel. vs.. Jones. 1t was
an action in the nature of gao sOarranto,
to inquire by what authority Jones claimed
the stakes At certain horse-race.
The trial came off at Smiths grocery,
and the facts detailed were as follows:
| Jones bet little Frenchman an .'X'' that
he (Jones) could run the distance of one
half mile in quicker time than the French
mans horse, Jones to select the ground to
be run over. The Freuchman took the bet !;
Jones selected swamp. where the horse
mired. Jones made the distance and claim
ed the money, which the judges refused to
give up, saying it was joke, for which the
Frenehman ought to stand treat but have
his rnonav hack