Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1859-07-09
W332g W332g AND 3T802o

"Brudders. said a coIored orator, I'm
all your troubles and disTesses ders one
place where you ken always find symPa'
Thy"
"Whar, whar ? asked several.
Theoralor slowly and solemnly raised
his eyes, and looking upwards he sad:
"In de dictionary
A Justice of the peace as Lafayette.
Ind, refuses to perform The mavrage'eer-
emony when The Ihermomeler is above
90, on The ground Of iunconsuIulIon"l'y'.
"Mynheer, do you know what ionwe
call our boy Hans p
"Do not, really"
"Wel, will rell yOu. Der reason We
call our boy Hans. il ish his name.
A delinquen, husband is thus advertised
in Chsuauque county, New YorS,by his
loving spouse: :.
Losr, SrRAYED OR SToLEN.-An Indl-
viduAl whom, in an ungusrded moment OF
loneliness, was lhough,less enough l" a.
don, as nv husband. He is good look
Ing and feeble individual knowing enough
however, to go in when il rains, unless
some good looking gil offered her um-
brella. Answered TO the name OF John.
Was last seen in company@nh Julia Var
rs, walking, his ann around her waist.
looking more like fool, If possible, than
ever. ANY one that will catch The poor
fellow and bring him carefully back SO
that NAV chas,ise him for running away,
will be asked TO STAY to tea by
HENRIETTA SMITH.
A man in Kentucky was so enormous
Iy big, that when he died II took Two
'clergymen and boy 10 preach his iunef-
al sermon.
"Mo,her heard sissy swear"
"What did she say =
"Why, she said she was going TO wear
her 'dsrned' stockings 10 church.
A young lady from the city went int"
the country. Walking in the barn-ysrd
al milk time she SAID 10 the dairy-mald,
MARY, which Of the cows is 1t that gives
the bullermllk Z
A Columbus paper gives an account OF
the drilling Of the political policemen OF
that city, in this fashion :-"AIeniIon,
poiece Eyes rigbl-moUlhs open-draw
iageI-elevste Iager--empty lager--shut
mouths-forward 10 The next saloon-sd-
vance 10 voters-eleclioneer yoters.-ireat
voiers-drink lageI-some more lager.
The most awkward thing in or out Of
rresnon, is a woman trying 10 run. They
can't do it. They are not running instl-
tutions, except with their tongues. IL
there are two arrangements in the world
that were not made for feetness on the
pedal, they are women and ducks.
Dry goods dealers in some Of the Mis-
sissippi towns have been heavily fined,
lately, for selling crinoline to The female
slaves, under the law fOrbldding "con-
cealment Of negroes"
A man in Maine, who had stolen q
watch, gave as an excuse that he was un-
well, and his physician advised him 10
take something.
"I'm afraid said lady TO her hus.
band, ''thal am going TO have suh
neck" Not a. all improbable my dear
replied her spouse. 81 have seen strong
symptoms OF II ever since we were frat
married"
"My dear" said smiling spouse 10
her other half, Il am going shopping to-
day, and want lille change" ''Pooh y
responded The savage, "thst would be no
change at all; you go a shopping every
day"
"Sambo, you black lief. Ssmbo. Why
you beiray that secret ! told yer oder
day !'-"I belrsy DE sectell | scorns
de 'pUlsllOn. | lound | ceulon'l Keep
om, so | Told um to somebody DAT could y
John says that it is,bsd meddling will,
a train Of gunpo owder; buIif you wal 10
be blown into dead certainty. just Tread
on a Isdy's crlnOlIDc as you are getting
into an onBibus.a lie has tried II aud
knows.
A young miss, having accepted the Of
fer of youth to gallant her home, and
fearing that Jokes, Dight be
cracked al her expense, II the fac, should
became public, dismissed him, sbou, bslf
way, enjoining secrscy. "Don't be
sfrad," said he. "of my saying anything
about iI. for leelas mach ashamed OF il
IS you DO"
An Irish Vsiernary student, when uD-
Ier examination, was asked what he
would recommend il there was horse
brought TO BIN with psSlicslaE disease.
Och by The powers" was the answer.
I'D recommend the owner 10 GET rid Of