The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1859-12-09
DIVORCED BY MISTAKE.

One winter ther came to Trenton,
New Jersey, two men, named Smith and
Jones, who had both Of them designs on
the Legislature. Jones had bad wife
and was in love with a pretty woman
he wished to be. divorced from his bad
wife, so that he might marry the pretty
woman, who by the way, was a widow,
with black eyes, and such forml---there-
fore Jones came 30 Trenton for divorce.
Smith had good wife, good as an an
gel and the mother Of ten children, and
Smith did not want TO be divorced, but
did want to got charter for a turnpike
or plankroad, TO extend from Pigs Run to
Terrapin Hollow.
Well, they, with those different errands,
came 10 Trenton, and addressed the as
Sembled wisdom with the usual arguments.
First, suppors mainly composed Of oys-
ters with rich background Of venison;
second, liquors in great plenty, from Jer-
sey lightning which is a kind Of locomo-
tive at full speed, reduced to liquor shape,
to Newark champagne. To speak in
plain prose, the divorce man gave a cham
pogne supper, and Smith the turnpike
man, followed with champagne break
fast, under the modifying influence of
which the assembled wisdom passed both
tho divorce and the turnpike bills and
Jones and Smith--a copy of each bill in
their pockets--went rejoicing home, over
miles Of sand, and through the tribulation
! Of many stage coaches.
Smith arrived home in the evening, and
as he sat down in his parlor, his pretty
wife beside him-how pretty she did look!
and five Of her children oVerhearing the
other FIVE studying their lessons in the
corner of the room, Smith was induced to
expatiate upon the good result of his mis-
sion to Trenton.
"A turnpike, my dear am one Of the
directors and viii be president Il will
set me up, love; we can send our children
to the boarding-shool, and live in style
out Of the toll. Here is the charter, hon
ey.'
Let me SEQ it, said the pretty little
wife, who was one Of the incest of wives,
with plumpness and goodness dimplng
all over her face, 'let me see IT, as she
leaned over Mr., Smiths shoulder.
But all ut once Smiths yisage grew
long; Smiths wife's visago grew black.
Smith was not proiane, but now he rip-
ped out an awful oath. Blast us, wife,
those internal scoundrels at Trenton have
gone and divorced us!
It was too true; the parchment which
he held was bill Of divorce, in which
the names of Smith and Smith's wife Ap-
peared in frightfully legible letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the
corner of her apron. Here's turnpike,
she said sadly, 'and with the whole Of our
ten children staring me in the face aint
your wifel Here's turpike.'
Blast the turnpike aud the Legislature,
and
Well, the fact is that Smith, reduced to
single blessedness, enacted into a strang-
or to his own wife, swore awfully. Al
though the night was dark, and most oi
the denizens Of Smiths town had gone Ia
bed, Smith bid his late wife 20 put on her
bonnet, and arm in arm they proceeded
to the clergyman of their church.
. "Goodness, bless mel" exclaimed the
good man as he saw them enter-Smitl
looking like the last June shad, Smiths
wife wiping her oyes with the .ner o
her apron-"GOodness, bless me, whats
the matter"
"The matter 10, want you to marry vi
two right off," replied Smith.
"Marry youi" calculated the clergyman
# with expanded fingers and awful eyes
q are you drunk, or what is the matter will
d youl"
? However, he finally married them owe
strmghtway and would not take fee;-
the fact is, as grave as he was, he was dy
h ing 10 be alone that he might give vent 4
a suppressed laughter that was shaking
4 him all over; and Smith and Smith's wifi
y went joyfully home and kissed every on
Of their children. The little Smiths nev
er knew that their father and mother ha
ever been strangers TO each other by leg
isiative enactment.
!. Meanwhile, and on the same night
Jones returned 70 his native town-Burl
ington, / belieVe-and sought at once IN
= fine black eyes which he had hoped short
=, ly to call his own. The pretty widow "a
a, on the sofa, a white 'kerehief tied cane
y lessly about her white throat, her blael
hair laid in silky waves against each ros
= cheek.
"Divorce is the word" cried Jones
playtully pathng her double chinj "th
!. fact 10, Eliza, Pm rid of that cursed VIC
A. man, and you and I'll be married tonight
hg | knew how 10 manage those seoundrel
We at Trenton. A champagne supper
at was il breakfast did the business e
them. Put on your bonnet and let US g
= to the preachers at once deareut.p
The widow, who was among widows,a
peaches among apples, put on her bOI
net and took Jones' arm, and
l. "Just look how handsome il ia put o
parchmentw cried Jones, pulling out II
q document before herr this is the law Chi
= says Jacob Jones and Ann Caroline Jon'
are tWo."
Putting her plump gloyed hand on b
q shoulder she did look at Il.
@Oh dearl" she said, with her ro'
lips, and sank back, half fsintng, on Il
3, sofa.
;. "Oh blazesr' cried Jones, and sal
! beside herr nlstlihg the fatal parehme