Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1859-12-21
[Contillued.l

CContinued.J
November 16.-Not quite four weeks since
wrote here last, but | do think it is four years
All, if four weeks do seem so long, what will
be the miserable years ahead of me! God
help ME, l would they were over,-that were
ninety instead of nineteen do think they
have cheated me in the matter of mine age
1 must be older and nearer Death. These fool
ish, childish pages do prove it. must have
it so, else, how can l bear the miserable loath-
ing and scorn feel, when do see here words
about Truth and Love! They do seem to me
to be written years and years ago. All, no
need for me to set down in the beginning, that
Aunt held me silly and foolish. Every one
of these leaves proves it; but most of all, the
foolish tears, that did blind my eyes, but now,
when did happen to read the words he spoke,
on the terrace at Ryal-side, the eve before our
wedding. Lies and Mockeries, every one of
them But woes me, for the sweet Hopes and
Dreams that did nourish in my Hearth They
are all dead laid away, with my fresh Girl
hood, in the grave of the Past. They were
oil l brought to this gloomy place /; and, why,
should l shame to weep over them l can
never bring them back again. L looked for
years to bring Wisdom. / little knew what a
few months of Welded life would bring He
talked pitituly of how poor and barren his
life did seem before he knew me! What has
he made of mine! Wretched and mean
and-but will never bear this. | am Mar
garet Reade still she whom, he said, kept
the deep fire hidden in her heart; and it is
there still. If the fuel be changed from Love,
TO Pride and Hate, let him answer r it. Lit
tie it has helped to thaw his cold, selfish Heart
am not to have Whitethornes, torsooth
the home had set my heart upon and half
fitted up already, must be given up and when
ask reason get for answer somep altry ex-
cuse about the great outlay and expense, just
as if l could be made to believe that any
greater than it was two months since, when
he promised me the place If he thinks me a
fool, he should not count on my believing that !!
Truly, did think it jest, in spite Of his long
face, when he first preached the matter, but
was soon set right; and then, when grief and
surprise did Outrun anger, and plead his own
promise to me, the ample means left me by
my Father to meet the expense, and prayed
that for the sake of his own Honor, he would
not put me to shame thus before all the friends
L
that it "could not be!
What mattered that show of pain and sor-
row. was no Child, to be cheated by it for
ever, Land knew then, what l would far liefer
have died than know, that my Husband was a
Hypocrlte; mean, beggarly love of Money
was the key to all his conduct; and for this
he had sought and married me- TWAS as if
great fash of light, or, more truly, a great
scorching flame, did suddenly burn into my
Brain all this meanness and misery.
No wonder he quailed and grew paler yet,
beneath the look l gave him; no wonder the
close lips trembled while great drops of sweat
did start from them, until the sense of shame
grew too strong for even that mighty WILL and
there burst from them more a groan than a
cry, that l would "show Mercy and have
Trust!'
Mercy yes, such Mercy as l would show
to any other creeping thing that the great
God has left to cumber the Earth but Trust,
oh, woes me! methinks the power to hold it,
has been stricken out of my heart forever !!
1t cannot be. Henceforth the word has no
meaning in mine ears. What should wo-
man sold for her wealth know of trust or
what should the buyer know of such word
Had he been guilty ofanything but this. Had
it been Treason even; but let me keep myself
if possible, from mine own scorn!
l did not speak these thoughts. l only
stood looking them in silence; and taking
courage from this he began to speak of renting
Little Croft Of my Lord Walton, saying that,
perhaps, under all the circumstances, it would
be best. My first thought was to say that l
would never go there, but then l did remem-
Der that any place where | could hide my dis
grace, would be welcome, and L held my
peace. was glad he had the grace to speak
no word in its praise, but went on in that staid,
business tone for it would have driven me be-
yond all power of control,
This was a week ago, and no word has
passed between us save such as were strictly
needed, since. This morning, he asked, would
be ready to go TO Little-C Croft ON Monday this
being Friday saying that the House was in
perfect order for my reception. | only said,
if such was his will but, the moment after,
seeing how pleased Mother Lake did look, l
repented of my seeming Submission, for had
thought until then, he had no wish she should
know that there was aught between us but
now her manner did convince me that he had
told her all, and they had settled the change
between them, thinking me Of no account, at
ALL The knowledge moved me not little,
but held my peace. OF what use are words
to married Women and Slaves
Thursday, NoU. $3.50 this is my home, the
home over which dreamed so many Dreams,
and of how little, how very little account, doth
it seem to me now! That knowledge of my
Husbands true Character hath taken away
even the power to know anything but base
ness For one thing / am grateful, he pre-
serveth discreet silence abont the place and
its arrangements He only pointed out the
rooms and left me TO take such as suited me,
without word neither hath he since entered
mine without asking permission. ! wonder,
when he went out, last Night, and walked so
long under the Lines, if he thought of our
many talks about coming to our Home, of how
A.. I.exoac,,.l, 80 ,D,,,..