The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1859-08-26
WHY | AM A BACHELOR.
BY ONE OF THE SMITH FAMILY.


My name is Smith-John Smith. am
sixty years Of age next birthday, and un-
married. have been in love however
hopelessly in love, and yet am bachel-
or-why am 80, have now TO tell.
During my younger days, l had no time
to think of the other sex. ] determined
/ would make my fortune first, and see
about a wife afterwards. l worked and
strove--accumulnted and denied myself
the most harmless pleasures that cost
money, yet did not get rich as fast as
expected, and had reached forty years Of
age before thought ! was justified in
lo2kipR about me for q wife,
When that time came set aDout my
task earnestly. l am business man. and
always go to work systematically. In
the first place, looked through oil my
acquaintances and friends. They were
not numerous, and soon found there were
no young ladies among them who would
suit me.
Then | tried the boarding. house scheme,
by which mean, | advertised for board
and answered all the replies in person.
Whenever l saw the young girls in a
house, there / took board-but none of
them would suit me. At last received
an answer to my advertisement from a
widow lady with one daughter. / called
at the house and was usbered into an ell
egantly furnished parlor where a young
lady was seated playing the piano. In
spite of Sh0kespeare's denunciation Of a
man who has no music in his soul, new
er had any music in mine. | don't know
Yankee Doodle from Old Hundred--and
yet, strange to say, the music sounded
quite pretty as il nickled from her fingers.
She did not hear me enter, 80 continued
to play. / listened for some minutes, and
then caughed gently. She turned around,
and with blush arose from her seat.
think / had never seen so beautiful girl
before. She was not more than eighteen
years Of age-tall and graoeful-her form
beautifully rounded-dark auburn hair
which hung in natural ringlets on swan
like neck. In short, the moment / saw
her | performed the imaginary pantomine
of slapping my trowsers pocket, and ex.
claimed mentally, "here's the girl for my
money!"
"Did you want to see my motherT
asked the lovely creature in a musical
voice.
"Have ! the pleasure Of speaking e
Miss Clarksonl" ] asked.
"Yes, sir"
81 have called, Madam, IN reference Il
a note received believe from you
mother--stating that you wished to tRkI
a single gentleman TO board with YOU"
eyes sir-I will fetch my mother. -
And the fairy bounded out Of the room.
i In a minute or two afterwards, Tho
mother entered the room. If the daught
er was pretty the mother was decidedly
ugly. She was past forty, thin, scraggy
wore false teeth and false hair. When
looked at her, was tempted TO leave IN,
house-but then / gazed at the daughte
and determined to remain. The prelimi
naries were soon arranged, and the mex
day took up my board under the roof o
the widow Clarkson.
/ soon felt quite at home, and deter
mined 20 make myself as agreeable a
possible. was polite 20 the mother, ten
der to the daughter; and evidently pleas
ed the old woman, for ate but little.--
Our evenings were very pleasant
young friend Of the family used TO drop il
occasionally, and we played whist Th
young fellow was a cousin 10 the famil,
) Ia rather pleasant young fellow, and tn
time passed very agreeably away.
In the meantime l prosecuted my sui
, earnestly. have always held it as al
axiom, that if you want 70 succeed witt
the younger branch Of the family, yol
must pay attention 70 the head--there j
nothing like procuring a"friend at court.
4 This plan followed. / was very POlit
70 Mrs. Clarkson; / waited on her al III
tatie, escorted her to theater aud opera
, and read 10 her Cobb's last, got on fine
r. ". / soon saw that she was very pnFtia
20 me. In the mean time did nOtneg
lect my suit with the object Of my aiieC
lions. gazed on her tenderiyI press
ed her hand whenever had an opports
nifty, and believed that had made con