The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-01-15

, for sale, and Uncle George bought it opt
thither he took his sisters family. And il
: after times there were some great doipcs il
| that house. The little Crops had a compe
tent teacher, and they became prodis,es OIL
learning. Jareb was utterly astonished al
the wondrous intellect they displayed.
But the balance was kept up. As the lit,
tie ones became more and more advanced
and threw off childrcn's things, Jareb ant
Uncle George put them on and became chill
dren themselves. One day the two old mcr
were caught in the act Of Jumping leapfros
, over each others shoulders, and had no
Heppy come out and stopped them, there i:
, no knowing how many necks might have
been broken. 1t was fortunate for them
that the good dame retained all her strong
sense, for there were many reasons when. il
the heighth Of their childish Joy, they nigh
} have done much mischief, had she not beer
ever near to watch over and protect them
and once q have it from good authority,
when she caught them wrestling at "sidt
long, she took them by the ears and led then
into the house.
! But they had to indulge in rough sports
} for as Uncle George had suddenly becom,
thawed out from the ice of misanthropy ant
! lonesomeness. and as Jareb had full rs sud
: denly been lifted up from the dark depths
of poverty and want, they found themselves
moved by spirit Of joy and gratitude tina,
wouldn't be cured. SO Heppy had to watch
them until some Of the children became old
enough to reason with them: and then she
played with the girls in the house, and let
the. boys take care of the boys out of doors.
--------> -
COLLEGE JOKE.
0pn Of the cnrliaSt pras;Jo,t, nf ToH,rsop
College, Penn, was the venerable Doctor
M'Mlllan, man of great gravity and digni-
ty of manners.
In those early times it was customary for
the students, when meeting the President,
to remove the hat from the head, place it
under the left arm, make n profound bow,
and pass the compliments of the day
Among the students WAS Tom Devoc, an
eccentric fellow. His father was rich, and
as Tom was always "fush of money!" the
height of his ambition was to sport gold
headed cane and gnliunt the Old Greek Pro-
fcsS0r's daughters.
The term student, which he bore in com :
mon with the other members of the college,
was sad misnomer. Toms mind was more
deeply cngrossed with backgammon, check
crs, and sold slcdgc," than with his mathe-
matics, and was more deeply read in the love
of Chesterfield, than in that of Homer and
Virgil. In fact he was shallow Drained,
liIy-handcd fop, and, as may be supposed, a
great favoritc with a certain class Of ladies
who mistake impertinence for wit, and fine
clothes and affected manners for refinement
and solid accomplishments.
But to our tale. Tom was one day walk
ing down the street arm and arm with his
friend John Smith, who had spice of the
wag about him. Seeing the President a
few PAGES before them, Tom hastily in1uir-
ed
Smith, what is good morning, SIR in
Latin.'
"Ego sum stultus, was the reply, without
a moments hesitation.
Meeting the President. Tom, after the most
approved style of donkeyism, at the same
time making profound salaam, greeted him
with
"EyO sum StuHus -
81 am aware Of it, responded the Presi-
dent, making slight bow.
This proving rather unsatisfactory, Tom
posted oil to the room of his friend Byles,
whom he saluted with
"Dcacon what is the translation Of this
sentence-'Eyo sun stuHus:"
II am a tool." responded the deacon
This told the whole story. As novel wrl-
tcrs say, Toms feelings may be more easily
imagined than described.
Whether the students bored him about it
or not, and whether the Professors daugh-
tcrs ever heard Of it or not, "dcponent say
eth not,' but history recorded that the next
fat bottomed boat that went down the Ohio,
bore Tom as q passenger.
HOW BOSTON PUBLISHER WAS NOT
TAkENIN.
Mr.. Fields Of Boston has wonderful
memory, and his knowledge of English lit
ernturc is so available that when IL friend
wishes to know where any particular pass
age may be found he steers mt once for the
corner,nnd consuts the man who is very Likely
to give the desired information. A pOmpOu>
would be wit, not long ago thinking to puz-
zle him and make sport for q company at
dinner, Informed them prior to Mr. F.'s
arrival that be had himself that morning
written some poetry, and intended to sub
init it to Mr.. T. rs Southcv's and inquire in
which of his poems the lines occurred. At
the proper moment, therefore the guests
were seated. he began, ''Friend F., | have
been great deal exercised of late irving to
find in Southev's Poems his well known
lines, running thus-can you tell us about
what time he wrote them - 81 do not
remember to have met with them before"
replied Mr.. F., ''and there were only two
periods in Southcv's life when such lines
could possibly have been written hv him =
"Whcn were these gleefuily asked the wit
tv qucstioner. ''Somewhcrc," sand Mr.. F.
"about that early period Of his existence
when he was having the measles and cutting
his first teeth; or, near the close of his life,
when his brain had softcncd and he had
fallen into idocy. The versifcation be.
longs to the measles period, but the express
sion clear V bctrays the diotc one.' The
funny queStioner smiled family, but the
company roarcd.
COIN. TIGER.
The Geneva Gazette is responsible for the
following:
A countrvman, the owner Of large but
usually good naturcd dog, drove in town a
few days since. Near the railroad crossing
on Water street, 'Tiger'' fell into bad com
panv, and regular muss cnsued. Taken
suddenly, and almost unawarcs, the c0un-
tryman's dog seemed hardly to comprehend
whether it ~as II s:free fight" in earnest, or
only rough sort of play of village hounds,
until he found himself in n throat to mouth
contest with regular fighting character, in
the shape Of trained bull dog, and getting
the worst Of it. His master, however, by
this time comprchended the nature Of the
muss, and sprlnging from his wagon, caught
the bull dog by his 'narratlvc,' and endeav
orcd to separate the combatants.
'Let that dog alone, or I'll lam you over
the head ~ growled rough and excited
looking customer standing by, who proved
to be the owner of the bull.
"Oh, then you want 'cm to fight, do YEP
calculated homespun, dropping the end
and then, at the top of his voice, shouted
$50 in, Tigc'
And Tige did $50 in Instantly the tide
of battle was turned. Tgc secured and was
making good use of his vantage ground,
when BULBS owner suddenly become convert.
ed to peace maker. Suiting the action to
the idea, he made a fent to release his dog
from the vice. like jaws of Tiger.
''Let that dog alone, or I'll lam you over
the head" shouted the countrvman: and he
strai ghtened up and swcled out to snch huge