The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-05-04
MISCELLANEOUS AND NEWS ITEMS.


: In our infancy, we cut our teeth in age
our teeth cut us. Such is life.
- The costume Of the Spanish ladies has no,
changed for two hundrad years.
= If you mean to be happy when you
are old, be temperate when you are young.
= "To-morow" is the day on which
lazy folks work, and fools reform.
- Virtue offers the only path which,
in this life, leads 10 tranquility.
= Dog stealing in the second degree
hooking sausages.
= When may wheat bread be said to
be inhabited! When it has little In
dian in it.
- "Father," said an ambitious young
ster, al can do without shoes, but am
suffering for want of bosom pin."
- The question is not the number Of
facts man knows, but how much Of n
fact he is himself
= AS the sweetest rose grows upon
the sharpest prickle, so the hardest labor
brings forth the sweetest profits.
- The whole number of Indians at
present in this country is estimated at
259,O0O.
= A young lady who was urged to
study French, replied that she thought
one tongue sufficient for any woman.
= Judgment is faculty which very
few people have enough of 10 discover
they want more.
The "local7 of the Petersburg Express
very Independently announces to his friends that
he has got n wife Of his own now; honceforth
shan't trouble his hgors-don't ask any odds
Of them-shhll neither borrow nor lend.
- A negro on being examined, was
asked if his master was Christian. No
sir he's a member of Congress" was the
reply.
- Do one thing at time-thats the
rule. When you have done slaudering
your ncighbor, then begin to say your
prayers.
- Every girl, who intends 10 qualify
for marriage, should 60 through course
of cookery. Unfortunately, few wives
are able 10 dress anything but themselves.
- If misfortune come into your house,
be patient and smile pleasantly, and it will
soon stalk out again, for il cant bear
cheerful company.
- Many farmer trims up a little pet
of tree until it is nothing but broom
handle, and then complains that it does
not do well.
= Mynheer Drinkenhof makes dis
tinction thus: "Too much whisky is too
much; but too much lager beer is shoost
right"
- A writer says that life may be
merry as well as useful" Every person
that owns a mouth has always good
opening for laugh.
= Canada thistles can easily be des-
troyed by an application Of snlt TO them.
Refuse brine poured upon thistles or 9TH
er noxious weeds will destroy them.
The offices of eleven Judges in
Massachusetts will be vacated by recent
act of The Legislature, after the 10th Of
May next.
- Il havn't taken a drop Of liquor
for a year," said an individual Of ques-
tionablc morals. "Indeed! but which of
your features are we to believe, your lips
or your nose"
= "Now, look yer, Charlie, Jim mout
be honest nigga, and then again he
moutent; but et ] was n chicken, and
knowd dat he was bout de yard, / tell you
what, nigga, Id roost high l would"
- A chap was asked what kind of n
"Gal" he preferred for wife. He re-
piled: Zone that was not prodi-gal,
but frugal and true-gal, and one that
suited his conju-gal TASTE"
al never complained Of my condi-
tion,p says the Persian poet Sa6i, "but
once when my feet were bare, and l had
no money TO buy shoes; but met man
without feet and was contented with my
lot"
-" A ruffian shot at me last night"
said a penurious gentleman, "and my life
was saved by the balls striking silver
dollar in my pocket" "Whoeyer takes
true aim at your heart, is very certain to
hit dollar" said ono who knew him.
A Quaker lately popped the question to
| fair Ouakeress, thus: Hum-yea, and verify,
Penelope, the spirit urgcth and moyeth me won
derfuly, to beseech thee 10 cleave unto mo, flesh
of my ilcsh, and bone Of my bone ?" Hum
truly, truly, Obediab, thou hast wisely said, and
inasmuch as it is not good TO be alone, will So
journ with thee"
"A "lover' received the following
note, accompanied by boquet of flow
ers; "Deer-I send bi the boy buck
ct of flours. They is like my luv for u;
the mite shaid menes kepe dark. The dog
fenil menes ] am ure slave.
'"Rosis red and posts pail,
Mi luv for u shall never fale."
= when stranger treats me with
want Of respect" said pbilosophic poor
man, "I comfort myself with the retiec-