Saint Paul weekly Minnesotian. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1858-1859, 1859-08-27

As we turned our eye in another direction
we observed two distressed delegates trying
to borrow money of each other, and neither
one evidently believing the repeated assevera-
tons of the other that he was "short." Both
rendered 0watonna, which both earnestly de-
clined to receive. While observing these gen.
tlemen our attention was, however, suddenly
aroused by the shrill squan of a voice that
sounded like the elongated squeal of an old
cracked yellow German Flute, mixed with the
eontralto notes Of an antique water-power
Saw-mill. We turned and beheld, on high
stool along side of the coffin, an angular, yell
low little man, that looked as if he had lived
all his life in swamp, and as if his toes might
possibly be webbed like a water-hen. He
was spreading himself at the imminent risk of
immediate dissolution and obliteration, and
screeching away in an insaae manner about
matters forty years old. It was as if some
Rip Van Wrinkle of an elderly bull-frog had
fallen asleep for half a century, and then sud-
denly Weakening up, had gone to yelling and
bursting and splitting his venerable hide about
matters and things which modern Frogdom
had long since forgotten. ,,... ~. .. .....
A good-natured looking old gentleman in
moccasins, who had been quietly sliding around
trying to allay the tumult, and who was,
understood, the undertaken of the funeral, was
here perceptible tugging at the coat tail of the
yellow spread-eagle. But as they say you
could run pins into Henry Clay's legs while
he was in the full torrent of eloquence with
out awaking his consciousness, so the lean
frog Of the valley seemed utterly unmindful
of all hints conveyed through the tail of his
coat.
At this point our attention was called off by
loud dispute between LOWRY and CAvA-
NAuGH. The latter charged the former with
stealing bottle of brandy from his coat peck
ct. This was equally loudly denied, and Low
REY cursed Jim in choice Winnebago and Jim
blasphemed LowREY in antique Irish. In the
midst of the quarrel the ubiquitous PENNMAN
dexterously extracted the subject of dispute
from the hinder pocket of LowREY's coat tail,
and retired to corner to say grace over it.
One end of the room had been left vacant
by the gathering of the crowd around the cot.
Tin, and we there perceived short am liable
looking gentleman pacing up and down with
sheet of paper in his hand from which ever
and anon he read few lines, and then reci-
ted them with the appropriate gestures. He
seemed wrapt up in himself and utterly re-
CARELESS Of the tumult around the coffin
"Who is that nice-looking little man ?' we
asked of by-stander. "The Democratic
candidate for Governor" was the pompous re-
ply; he is studying an ertemporaneous speech
for the funeral. You'll hear it after he gets
it all by heart. A powerful man is Mr.. BECK
er" Isaw that my neighbor was one of the
faithful
Here came grand crash
turned quickly around. Such sight
1t seems that the undertaken finding his gen.
tie admonitions had no effect on the obdurate
coat tail of the spread-Eagle, had at last, in
censed at such utter insensibility, given one
grand tug which diverted the orator from the
line of gravity, displaced his perpendicularity,
and brought him down seat foremost upon the
corpse. Upon the corpse did we say9 No,
for it seems that at this precise moment the
persevering GooDRIcH had imagined that he
had caught sight amid the effete and decaying
bowels of the corpse of Democracy of the
glitter of the $4,000. The lust for the vel
low metal overcame all the other instincts OF
his nature; down, down, down went his deli
cate nose the medicated paper was thrown
aside, his eyes peeked and peered and glitter
ed; his very curls, heaven born, swept the
foul surface of contagion. At this moment
down came the Spread-Eagle! He struck
GooDRIcH on the head. A fearful squelch and
and the perfumed Uranium of the aristocratic
editor of the Pioneer and Democrat was bu-
ried to the hindmost curl in the foul belly of
the dead Democracy.
And 10! the assembled throng! That one
fearful blow, while it had overwhelmed Coop
RICH had scattered remembrances on every
side. There was perfect shower of the
100000 cancer spots all over the $3.50 uni
form. RossERs moustache was obliterated by a
fragment which had flown off at tangent
from the neighborhood of GooRIcHI's left ear;
BAssEN who had just made his appearance,
carrying in an empty beer keg, with the bung
out, was struck in the open mouth by frag-
ment of the corps labelled "South Carolina !"
the exhrated BRIsBIN and his inebriated
sausage were Frustrated by full blow from
a huge fragment marked 'Land Grant Extra
Session" Lowry and CAvANAUGH, who were
still ranging about the missing bottle, were
thrown into each others arms, fearfully sur
prised by blow from a huge mass from some
forgotten corner of the corpse labelled "Hon-
esty and Decency" They surveyed it with
mute horror and establishment, but CAvAN-
AUGH was evidently the most affected; even
to tears. He recognized long lost friend,
Ross WILKINSON, who with his usual i'll for
tune was stopping down to pick up his hat
when the explosion took place, received Vi
olent blow in the most exposed and sensitive
portion of his person, and was sent, leap-frog
fashion, to remote corner of the room. Pen
man was perfectly pelted. One great plaster,
labelled Piety," struck the reverend politi-
clan in the belly; sinking lump, entitled
" Ruchanan's PITTSBURGH Tottor " L:.l:
the ear; his left eye was covered up by an
Opaque substance marked H. NJ. Rice's Sim
CERTIFY" but the most disgusting dose of all
was dirty, greasy, MISUNDERSTANDING, foul
smelling lump of matter marked, in gigantic
letters EARL GOODRICH'S CON-
SCIENCE. 1t struck him in the mouth,
and splitting and sputtering and gagging for
dear life the poor devil sank to the floor.