The Perrysburg journal. [volume] (Perrysburg, Ohio) 1853-1861, 1859-02-03
N O. NNNIX *

"oh, that's all out of date WV. now.a days
man can become n Christian in dirty seconds
ny the watch. II don't change his llu at all--
Tie can cheat and gamble in politics and lotte-
rles, buy and sell negroes und lie himself into
otico just us well The parbon does up the
piety nowadays, aud all that a fashionable
sinner has to do, is to sign the paper, (cresds [
believe they cali them) pay bis QuortCrage, oud
he eau get free pass ON the first class trims to
heaven, where he can 'pre.cmpt the best site for
heavenly manSous;' and realize for his lots in
three days That old idea of Pilgrims Progress
is oil down in the market. and won't pay 10
cents on u dollar Bu, | want to show you my
plan
tMr, Fosy stares--,oo much stuck up to
"Nou see sir, man is but u combination of
electricity and the Oiyic forces, clothed in flesh
and blood. Ii therefore, yOu eau concentrate
ana combine these elements in proper prol Or
ttons you can make men fast as you please
By recent wonderful invention, by Professor
A-GaS3hc'ls, We have got machine for superce-
ding enurvly the necessity OF being born will
bring in my machine and show YOU how il works,
Here, YOU see, is generator Of electricity, and
ON tins side II Is imptguated with magnetism
and runs OF into the VAT pure Odyle, Now we
! I'LL this vat with due quantities of the kind of
! food which mun needs TO produce the right nro-
| portion OF bone, muscle, and nerve to run it oil
| alter 1t has 5econl@iuscd, into these moulds for
men, women and children, OF all sizes, from six
months old 20 forty years, leave it TO hsrdcn
few minutes, and thon insert this pipe into the
mouth Of the subject, turn ON n stream Of elcc-
! triCity, and the body begiHs to movE-sneczes---
and finally shouts, lailoo lot me out and
your mau is made to suit your taste. | cun
make you son and heir, who shuli be just
twenty yeats old, in fifteen minutes. Or, if you
prefer two year old baby, it will only take
mi iha huh p
Our charge is reasonable. sir, and ten per cent
discount TO clrrgymen. Wi,l YOU order son
or duughterT
(No answer, Mr., Fogy is on the point of
swooning)
"You see the adaptations of this machine is
wonderful. One oi them will turn out one hun
dred full grown men in day. 1t was by this
process we manufactured the voters to carry The
Perlsy ylyania election for Buchanan last fall
We had several OF our machines in full blast,
night aud day. 6'twccn the State audi President
ti1l elections in that State. Mt buchanan paid
tor the sourkrout and cotton to feed our machine.
Our company would not take Mlriposa scrip
and so fremont did no; employ us and lost his
election. AtChiaon and Slringseilow had two
of our machines at work turning out Border
RuIh1n votes in Kansas for months But we
were compellud to feed tho machine with SO
much whiskev, IN order to supply the Border.
RuttlOns with the Necessary spirit, that the Job
dtd not pay. We don't like such Jobs We
prefer liner work. We have now in contempa-
t0n II contract with the leading denominations
TO supply them with clergy. The Theological
ScmnaricS TAIL 10 meet the demand rs you sea
by the newspapers. There is a great clerical
mourning in the land and we alone can com
fort these mourners. You see our scheme is
magnificent. We eau make a Calviuist or
Armenian, an orth duX OF hctcrOloX man. as YOU
like, by varying the component, menttl and
moral material. TO make CaNust we dis
solve Coyin'S Institutes and DR.. G's Commen-
- tares in our machine, II he is to be a Baptist
i We put in volume or two of Fuler's works.
/ A Methodist requires volume of Wesley's SER
mon and FleChers check In this way,yOu see,
we can vary the article TO suit the market For h
nice young preacher, like Mr.. Spurgeon, we pu.
in few novels, little rose-wuer, a decoclion
of moonlight, and balm Of Il thousand flowers.
;, 'We can make five hundred or five thou
sand article TO order. We lreicd once to make
IA Henry Ward Beecher. Gut it took so much
t. electricity to dissolve Bible and SAarp's rife
Il that the machinery blew up, aud we gave it up
Il Now, Sir, what do you think OF our plan o.
:. What is the name oi your ina chine 2 gasped
: out MIR. Fogy.
= "Publc Sentiment! Sir, Public Sentiment
s ALI there goo Tie bell huvn but thirty sec
n ondS TO reach the depot. | shall be compelled
Il to swallow streak of lightning! You see
!. put my mouth to this orliCe, and the lightning
streams down my throat. Write me By tels
- graph. The shOck may startle you as turn on
!; the lightning-but here goes! T.
# There was fash and the agent vanished ou,
~ OF the door, and Mr Fogy was lett sprawlmg
:, stunned by the explosion