The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1859-01-30

THE AFFAIR BETWEEN MR.. ROBERT ACRES
AND MR. FALKLAND
Iron the Rivals, Act ", Scene NJ

THE AFFAIR BETWEEN MR. ROBERT ACRES
AND MIR. FALKLAND.
From the Rivals, Act " , Scene H.
Mr. Acres. By my valor, then Sir Lucius, forty yards
is good distance. Odds levels and amsI say Il is
gooa distance.
S.r Lucs OT5iager It is for muskets or small field
pieces; upon my Coincidence Mr.. Acres, you leave
these things to me- Stay now, III show you measures
PAGES along the STAGE There now that is very pretty
zoundsl might as well fight in sentry boxt
tell you, Sir iucus the farther he is of the cooler
Sir Lucius Faith, then, suppose You would aim at
him best Of all If he was out of sight
Acres. No, Sir Lucus but should think forty, eight
Sir Lucius Phol phol nonsense three feet be-
tween the mouths Of your pistols is as good as mile
rt killing him so nearl DO, my dear Sir Lucius, let
bring him down at long shot, long shot, Sir Lu
SIR Lacius Well the gentleman friend and must Set
tie that But tell me- now, Mr. Acres, in case Of 'an acct
dent, is there any little will or commission could exc
cute for your
Acres. am much obliged to you Sir Lucius, but don't
Sir Lucius Why, you may think there's being shot
at without little rlskand If an unlucky bullet should
carry quietus with i'll say, will be no time then to
be bothering you about family matSfs.
Sir Lacius For instance, now, if that should be the
case-would you choose to be picked and sent homer
or would be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey
m tod there i very snug lying in n, the Abbey o,a.
morsl Sir Lucius, don't talk sol
ST, Lucias. suppose, Mr. Acres, you never en-
gagged IN an affair OF this kind before.
Acyes. No, Sir Lucius, never before.
SIR Lucius All, that's pytherc's nothing like being
used 70 thing Pray, now, how would you receive the
Acres. Odds nles Pve practised that-there Sir Luz
cus there[Puts himself into attitude-a sidefront
hey?-Odd, III make myself small enough-Pll stand
SIR Lucius Now, you're quite ou-for il you stand so
% ' zouna, Sir Lucus are You suns Il is not
cockedY
Sir Lucius Never fear
I<,t 1,,t topFt zF
own bead!
SIR Lucius Phol be easy. Well now, if hit you in
the body, my bullet has double chance it misses
vital part right side, twill be very hard if it
don't succeed on the left.
AcSes. vital part
Sir Lucias But there OK yourself so-[p'acing hml-
let him the broadside your full fron-therc-now
ball or two may pass clean through your body and never
Acres Clean through mel ball or two clean through
Sir Lucius Ay may they-and it is much the gentee-
est attitude into the bargain.
Acres Look ye Sir Lucus-rd just lieve be shot In
an awkward posture as genteel one-sO, by vabr2
SIR L,cius looking at his watchl Sure they don't
mean 10 disappoint ushah no. aithI think see them
Acres Notwithstanding!
Sir Ltcius Ay who are those yonder getting the
Aces There two of them iudeedl-wel, let them
come-hey Sir Northumberland run.
Acrcs No, say-we won't run by my valorl
Sir Lucius What the DEVILS the matter with your
acres N0thlnB nOtDlng, my dear frlend-my dear Sir
Incius-but I'LL don't feel quite so bold somehow as
l did.
Sir Luci,s Oh, fcl consider your honor.
Acres Ay, true-my hon0r-do, Sir Lucius, edge in
word or two, every now and then, about my honor
Sir Lacta~ Well, here they're coming. [Lookingl
Ac'es Sir Lucus, if wasn't with you should almost
think i afraid-if my valor should leave me! vaor
will come and go.
Sir Luci,s Then pray keep it fast while you have it,
Acres Sir LuciusI doubt 1t is gong-yes, my valor is
certainly going it is sneaking of!I feel it oozng OUT
it were, at the palms of my handsl
Niy I9c1lg ham - thau
before was awarel
Enter Faulkland and Captain absolute, R. u.E
Sir Lucias Gentlemen, your most obedent-hah-
what Captain Absolute! So, | suppose, sir, you are
come here just like myse-to do a kind Office first for
your frend-then to proceed to business on your
count?
Acyss What Jack,-my dear Jack.-my dear friendi
Capt absolute. Harkye, Bob, Beverley at hand.
Sir Lucius. Well Mr.. Acres-I don't blame your saut-
ing the gentleman cvily. go, Mr.. Beverey-[ro Faux
land If choose your weapons, the Captain will
measure the ground.
FduLkland. My weapons, sir
AcTes Odds lfe Sir Lucius Pm not going to fight Mr..
Falkland; these are my particular frends
Sir Lucius What, SIR, did not you come here TO fight
Falkland. Not I, upon my word, sirl
Sir Lacius Well now, that's mighty provokingl But
hope, Mr. Faulkand there three Of pur-
pose for the game-you won't be cantankerous to
spoil the party, by sitting out
Capt Absolute Oh, pray, Falkland fight to oblge Sir
Fduuland. Nay, Mr.. Acres is bent on the mat
ter
Acres NO, no. Mr.. Faulkiand-.iU Dear my dlsappOnt-
mcnt like Christan.-LOOkye, Sir Lucius there's
casion at all for me to fight; and it the to you,
I'D as lieve let il alone.
sAr Luctus Observe me, Mr. Acres-I must be tri-
fed with You have certainly challenged somebody and
you came here to fight him. Now, that gentleman is
willing to represent him- can't Sec for my soul, why il
isn't just the same thing
Acres Why, no, Sir Lucius: tell you, tits Bever-
ley ve chaenged-a fellow you see that dare not show
his face. If he here, I'd make him give up his pre-
tensions directly.
Capt Absolute Hold, Bob--let me SEE you rght-there
is such Beverley in the The person who
assumed that is before you aud pretensions
are the same in both characters he ready support
them in whatever way you please.
Sir Lucius Well, this is lucky. Now you have OPP
portuny--
Aces. What, quarrel with nv dear friend, Jack Abso-
lue!not If he fifty Bevereysi Zoundsl Sir Lucius,
yon would not have me unnatural'
Sir Lucius Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, your valor
has oozed away with a vengeaucel
Acres Not in the leastl odds backs and abetors Tll
be your second with all my heart-and if you should get
a quetus, you may command rue entirely. Pn get your
snug lying in the Abbey here: pickle you and send
you TO Biunderbuss Hall, any thing of kind,
with The greatest pleasure.
SIR Locus. Pho pho you little better than a cow
ard.
Ac,es Mind, gentlemen he calls me q coward: coward
was the word, by my valori
Sir LucilS. Wen sir?
Acres Lookye Sir Iucus, 'tisn't that mind the word
coward-Coward may be said in joke-But If you had
called me poltroon, odds daggers and bals--
Sir LUcius Well, sir?
Acres should have thought you very Inbred man.