The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1859-08-12
Onns ANnuNna.


Absence destroys small passions, nnd
increases great ones, as the Nind extinf
guishos tapers and kindles free
The young lady who was alost ina
thought" has been found. She was
caught "hugging en- idea which belong
cd to the masculine gender--a Kind Of
trapi
A lady 81 Newport whoae geographical
ideas are somewhat mixed, complains
that the scrfs are very "free" this seas-
on. A rVsher knocked her over the 9th
er day.
a burglar was once frightened out Of
his scheme Of robbery by the sweet sim-
plicity OF a solitary spinster, who, putting
her night-capped head out Of the window,
edP
/ Fanny Fern says "Thank God, the
unspoken word Of penitenoe may wing
its way 10 the eternal throne. though
mocking steeples point only with aristo-
cractic fingers to the rich mans heaven"
Very touching and beautiful were tho
words Of the old school master, as hfa
passed away. "It is growing dsrk-tho
school may be dismissed Down 70 the
very gates Of an unseen world he carried
the love and regard Of tho children whom
he had trained,
An Irish clergyman once broke of the
thread Of his Discourse, and thus address
ed his congregation: "My dear brethren
let me tell you that am just half through
my sermon, but as perceive yoaf impa-
tencc, | will say that the remaining half
is not more than a quarter as long as that
you have heard"
SoENE IN POLICE CoURr.-Tho pfis-
oner in this case, whose name was Dicly
Swivil, alias "Stove Pipe Pete,h was
placed at the bar and questioned by the
Judge to the following effect;
Judge-'Bring the prisoner into court
Pete-'Hcre / am, bound 10 blaze, as
the spirits OF turpentine said when he was
all on fire.
we will take little Of the FIRE ont Of
you. How do you livcp
Il amt particular, as the oyster said,
, when they asked him If he'd be roasted
! or fried
: we don't want 20 hear what the oyster
said, or the spirits Of turpentiue either.-
, What do you followp
Anything that comes IN my way, as
, the locomotive said when he run over
little nigger,
Don't care anything about the locomo-
tive. What is your busincssp
That's various as the cat said when sho
y stole the chicken from the table,
That comes nearer the line, / sup
= poser
: Altogether in my line, as the rope
= said when il was choking the pirate.'
: III hear any more absurd comparisons,
will give you twelve months.'
: pm done, as the beef-steRk said TO the
:, cook
!, Now, sir, your punishment will depend
upon the shortness and correctness of
your answers. | suppose you live by go
Y ing round the dooksp
g mo, sir; ! can't 90 around the docks
! without boat, aud | ain't got none.'
. Answer me, sir !--how do you get your
J. breadp fF
= Sometimes at the bakers, and some-
r times eat taters.'
/ No more Of your stupid nonsense!-
How do you support yourselfP
- Sometimes on my legs and sometimes
a on a cheer (Chair.)
le How do you keep yourself aliveP
g by breathing, sir
~ I'm order 20 answer this question cor
20 recty How do ycu dog
Pretty well, thank you, Judge, how
) do you dor 'rf
y j shallfhave 70 commit YOU
Y Well, you've committed yourself first,
y that's some consolation.
d THE YANKEE AND THE DuToHMAN's Doc.
Abner was quiet peaceful sort Of a Yam
m kee, who lived on the same farm on which
ID his fathor had lived before him, and was
10 generally considered pretty cute sort Of
,s a fellow-always ready with trick,when-
n ever il was of the least utility; yet when
A. he did play any Of his tricks, twas done
n in such an innocent manner; that his vic
N tim could do no better than take it all in
I good part.
70 Now 1t happened that one Of Abnor's
m neighbors sold farm to G tolefably green
et specimen Of Dutchman=-one Of the real
" unintclligent, stupid sort.
! Won Vlomp Schlops had dog, as
NJ Dutchmen often have, who wac less in
pr telligent than his master, and who had,
o. since leaving his 'fader land become suf-
fciently civilized not only TO appropriate
,e the soil common stock, but had progress
" ed so far in the good work, as to obtain
fs his dinners from the various sheep-folds
"a on the same principle! aaah ia rea
D. When Abner discovered this propBnsi-
ty In the canine department Of the Dutch
mans family he called over 20 his new
B. neighbor TO enter complaint, which mis-
d. sion he accomplished in the most natural
Is manner in the world
Wall, Won, your dog has been killing
10 my sheep .tif
ID Ya-dat ish bad-he ish von good tog,
le va, dat ish very bad'
.e 'Sartain It is bad and YOU VIII have TO
le stop him.
@, 'Yaw, dat is all as goOt but Ieh Weist
NJ nicht'
@ Whats that you say, he was nicked
pt Wal, now, look here old feilef, nickins no
fe use, crop him, cut the tail close OF, chuck
10 up 10 the trunk, that viii cure him. D.
'Vat ish dati exclaimed the Dutehman,
>, while faint ray ofintelligenee crept over
y his features.
y Yah, dat ish goot, dat cure Won sheep
X sthcel, chg
- 'Sartin it will ho'l never touch sheep
y meat again ia this world
q 'Den come init me, he Won mighty good
tog all the way FROM Yormany, ich no
!" take Won five dolars-=but come init me,
~ and boId bis fail Teh rhon him ofln