The southern enterprise. [volume] (Greenville, S.C.) 1854-1870, 1859-12-29
NUMBER 81.

~ ftftf+fFs peti4.. ~ ~ AADI OHs
NuuurisYa OIiu.
HAap 10 PlrAss--Pitts is fast man, a man Of
business tact; aud when Pitts goes into store
70 trade he always gets the lowest cash price
and he says: Well. III look about, and IL I
don't hnd anything that cults me better, I'll call
and take thieD
| iuss like all fast men. is partial to women.
and yonng onesin particular. Now, quite lately
Pitts eaid to himself: /" am gettin' rather long
in years. and guess I'll get married"
His business qualities wouldn't let him wal.
so OIL he trnvels. and calling upon lady friend.
opened the conversation by remarking that he
| would like to know what she thought about his
getting married
oh, Mr. Pitts that Is an affair In which / am
not so very greatly interested, and prefer TO
leave II with yourself
But, says Pitts, !. you are interested, and nv
dear girl, will you marry me 2" ~
The young lady blushed very red. hesitatel.
and finally, as Pitts was very well to do in the
world, and morally, financially. and politically
of good standing in society. che accepted him.
Whereupon the matter of.faet Pitts responded. :.
well well, nj look about, and If doa't find
anybody that suits me better than you. Iii cone
back"
PETER ms OWN JuDoE.--The following amusinr
Incident communicated by a friend in Roxbury.
MasE. occurred Ii q sehsc! in that .,itv:
=. A lad, whom We win call Peter, for the sake
OF name, playing truant from that school, and
Wishing an excuse the next day, altered over an
/ old note (which had been used for the same pur-
pose on a former occasion) by expunging the old
date and substitutiug thepresent. The master
immediately detected the trick, and In the pres
ence OF the school impressed upon him the dan.
/ gerous character Of such frauds. He then told
\ Peter that he would leave him in the aisle for
half an hour to reflect upon this and be his own
Judge as to the punishment due the offensc. The
half hour having elapsedi the whole school was
| called to the third position s--the attitude Of
attention--aud the teacher said, Snow, sir, you
yourself are the judge in this case; what is your
decision Z" Peter hesitated little then hanging
his head, pronounced. in whining voice, the
following impartial verdict:
| Why, as it's the first time, I think you'd bet
ter let the poor fellow goi'
L
lost his way, reeled into a teetotal grocery, and
hiccupped as follows:
| Mr. ---, do ou--keep--a--anythin
| good-to take---hcref %
! " Yea" replied the temperance shorkeeper
eve keep excellent good water--the best thing
you could have" ,,~a .,s ...
| "Well know it" was the reply; '.there Is
no--one thing-that's done so much for nayiga.
tion--as that"
| Wur SHr DIN fT--The reason why that youna
lady printer at Cleveland attempted to shoot the
young man compostor. was because the latter
had remarked that somebody would have to
get another font of small caps for her before
long" '7t@ ~
Ali That's the reason, then, why she used the
shooting stick
MA cArrAIs," said son Of Erin, going on
board vessel in the port of Cork, '.you looked
so much like the mate that took you to be the
cook. Will you be after lending me the loan of
your broadaxe TO saw an empty barrel Of -four in
two to make my COW hcgpenf"a
a LAWYER reading will in country village,
incidentally mentioned heirs and successorss
Upon which young gentleman of forty five re
ther hard of hearing, remarked, g Denr me- who
ever heard of hairs and scissors" being in will
before p
PARA reading In hearing Of an intelligent child !:
"The men were mustered on the deck prepare.
tory to the Decentralization" "Oh papa" said
the child, /" how funny the men must have look.
cd oil over mustard {" I.
81 Didn't deuounce you,' said saucy young
fellow to an editor, but only your subordinate; !;
merely madea fling at your staff" 'SWrll,sir,
replied the editor, suiting the action to tho ~ IN
"then my staff shall have ains at YOU
GENTLEMEN" said a taysrn iteensr
guests, at midnight dom 'l'~ RslsA11,,7G
: have talked enoughor not. but as s,. 5"y
am going TO shut up s'rit.
; coRhEsrosprsr' .wo sishs hetssls I. 3 i, s <
says that woman Is ttce as got5 ~ 49,
pruves 1t thus by the,ery ortboyranl," - @od
> n-a.n--doubie you, o, snl y ''0
> A Yotxa man. III eo.pt.,,;,..s
, chanced to remark" no prophrt.s sTr.,ss
replied lady present. "tprofit' to yo,,,. .it l,H 4
+ any one else NJ y
"Mh, get down On your I'd. anx x..s
minute, please" -
o "Why, what on earth shall ,,n.,sa a., &
4 "CAuse warnt to draw nshans.s
"PA. they tell us about the al, ,os.n chat
I makes the ocean angryi" "okt has been
Q crossed so often"
I "ToSis, my son, what Is Jonsae,r "A
closhesiine, papa prove It. my ~ Be