White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1859-04-07
Opposed to Matrimony.

Opposed to Matrimony.
"Is your family opposed to matri-
mony?"
"Wal, no, l guess not, seein' as how
my mother has had four husbands, an
STAINS pretty smart chance for havin'
another"
-Four husbands? Is it possible ?"
40, yes. You see, my mothers chris
tened name was Mehitable Sheets, an
dads name was Jacob Press; an when
they got married, the printers said it was
putin the sheets to press. When l was
born, they said it was the first edition.
An you see, mother used to be the tar
nalest critter to go to evenin' meetin's.
She used to go out pretty late every night,
an dad was afraid I'd git in the same
habit, SO he used to put me to bed at
early candle-light, cover me mp with a
pillar, an put me to sleep with a boot
jack. Wal, dad had to git up every
night an let mother in; if he didn't git
down an open the door pretty darned
quick when she cum, he'd ketch particu-
lar thunder; so dad used to sleep with
his head out of the winder, SOS to wake
up qnick; an one night he got his head
leetle too far out, an slipped out alto
gether, an smashed him in ten thousand
pieces ]"
what! was he killed by the fall ?"
oval, no, not exactly killed by the
fall. l rayther kinder Sorter guess it was
the student fetchin' up on the pavement
that killed him. But nam she cum hum,
an found him layin' thar. an she had
him swept mp together, an put in a cof-
fin, an had hole dug in the buryin'
groun', an had dad put in an buried up,
an had white oak plank put up to his
head, an had it whitewashed over for a
tombstone"
$50 your mother was left poor, lone
widow? 81
oval, yes, but she didn't mind that
much; 'twasn't long afore she married
Sam Hide-you see, she married Hide
because he was jist dads size, an she
wanted him to wear out dads clothes.
Wal, the way old Hide used to hide me
was caution to my hide. Hide had
little the toughest hide of any hide except
a bulls hide, an the way Hide used to
hide away liquor in his hide. was eau
ton even to a bulls hide. Wal, one
cold day old Hide got his hide so full O.
whiskey, that he pitched head first into
a snow bank. an there he stuck an friz
to death. So nam had him pulled out,
an had him laid out, an then she had
another hole dug in the buryin' groun',
an had him buried, an then she had an
other white oak plank put up to his head.
an whitewashed all over, an"
$50 your mother was again a widow"
40, yes, but L guess she didn't lay
awake long to think about it, for in about
three weeks she married Sam Strong
an he was the strongest-headed cuss you
ever did see. He went fshin' one day,
an got drowned, an he was so tarnal
ng-headed, I'll be darned to darnation
if he didn't float right agin the current,
an they found him about three miles up
the stream, an it took three yoke O. cat
tie to haul him out. Wal, mann had him
buried along side O. t'other two, an had
a white oak plank put up to his head.
an whitewashed all over nice; so there's
three on 'em all in a row."
And your mother was a widow for
the third time?"
eyes, but nam didn't seem 10 mind
it tarnal sight. The next Teller she
married was Jacob Hayes, an the way
man does make him haze is caution,
now l tell ye. If he does anything a
leetle out O. the way, nam makes him
take a bucket an whitewash brush, an
go right up to the buryin' groun', an
whitewash the three oak planks, jist to
let him know what he may come to when
he's planted in the same row. an she's
got married to the fifth husband So you
see, my family Amt a tarnal sight OPP
posed to dose o. matrimony."