The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1859-05-13
10 81



PULur Nouors.-Nothine in the way
Of practical Joke has amuscd ues SO much F.
FOR n long time o. q dog notice that was
given AZ the Orthodox church in lancas
Ter, recently. II may DO well as 3 hor
losque on advertising all things from TIE
pulpit. A notice was sont 70 the soxt0u
doubtless with the intention Of having
i posted on the meeting house--'which bg
some mistake he was led 10 pass over % :
the minister. The officiating clergyman
was a stranger, and when be came 70 read .
bic notices, he hcsitatei somewhat, but,
after a preface to The effect that being q
stranger he didnotfeel az liberty to decline
reading what was given him, let out a9
follows; "All owners Of dogs are hereby.
notified that il the same are not rogistercdl
by The FIRST Of May, they will be killed ac-
cording 10 law" The effect on the con-
gregation can be imasined--e olinioli
C0urdnf.
IiOng-wihdcd persons can eathcr q hint
from the following; "Hero, John said 1
the gentleman to his servant on horseback
in the rear, "come forward, and just take
hold Of my horse whilst I dismount; and
after am dsmounted, J John, you dismount
/ too Then, John, unqirth the sdddle nf
your horse, and put Il down; then yot viii
please ungirth the saddle Of my horse and
y put it down Then, John, take sp the sad
die Of your horse and put and girth Il on
my horse. Afterwards, John, take up the
saddle Of my horse and pu, and girth i on
your horse. Then, John I viii seat my
self In your saddle and YOU can seat yOai-
self In mine, and we win rssOnaa our Jour
ney." "Blcss me, master" said the mur,
why couldn't you have simply said, Let's
change saddles :"
Love Is a sweet eontagion, which az
tOcks people with greet severity betweu
eighteen aud twenty-five. Its premonito<
" symptoms are sighs, rUfiied shirts, ring
lets, bears grease and whiskors. Itfoedh
on moonlight, aud flutess and looks with
horror on billed pork and beans
!. A Western editor thus 6lls up q blank
in a columns "Twas the dead Of night
an awful silence reignod. The stars cast
their soft rays from the dome abOye.--
Young Lucius was not to be intimidateds
though he was that night TO peril his--col~
umn full"
Mrs Portingtoh says that Il she would
be cast away, she would prefer meeting
: with the catastrophe in the "Bay Of Bis
cults" for then she would have something
TO live on.
b "What makes you so glum, Toml"--s
81 ooh, have had 10 endure a sad irial 70 my
feelings" "NVhat on earth was itln--
, "Why, had TO tic on pretty girls bon
, net while her ma was looking on :"
The man who travels a thousand miles
c in a thousand hours, may be tolerable
e quick-footed, but he isn't to be compared
+ with the woman who keeps up with the
fashions. afs
h Those who advertise literally can afford
i to sleep later than those who do not ad.
!, vortise, because their customers, like bread
> cast upon the waters, will surely return.
I, A miser threatened to give poor mar
some blows with a stick, he was told tha
he would not do so, as he was never know
pogtve unything.
An English Jury in a criminal case, 4
10 said TO have returned the following verdict
le Guilty, with some little doubt as 10 wheth
" er he is the man.. H
O. 'Oh, she was a jewel Of wife, sal
Pat, mourning over the loss of his bette
Of half; 'shc always struck me with the sol
ia end Of the mop.
Dn A married monster said that he latet
re dreamed that he had an angel by his sid,
re and upon waking up, discovered that
nc was his wilel
e. An incufable phnstor declares that IN
r new kind Of paper, made out Of straw wi
e. doubtless lay the foundation Of new III
D. tcr-ture.
h. Agarrulohs bdrber, being called to shaw
70 ArchelaIus, asked him How he would B
+ shayedP In silence was the reply.
- The Worst Of faults is d false heart, an
sr the least comely covering that can be i'm
n agined is a false-hOOd.
le Jim Snicks puts everything TO use. III
&c wife has bald head, and he strops his "a
az nor on it---the soampl
~ Prompt payment of your Subscription
4 enables publisher to furnish you wit
n his paper regularly, y
DIT No man was ever known 70 be drownei
le with n receipt from the printer ihhis POch
u ct.
y when may bread be said to be ihhabil
- cdl When it has little Indian in it.
d. Tho man who minds his own business
W has obtained steady employment,