davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06
A PAINTERS BILL.

The following is a translation from an old
French paper. 1t is bill presented to the
curate Of the church Of Barrvile, in 17lO,
by Jaques Barbou, decorative painter :
corative painter:
l. Correcting and revarnishiug the ten
commandments.
2. Putting new tail to St. Peters
cock, and repairing his comb.
8. Fixing the good thief to his cross
and making new finger for the
same.
4. Restoring the Angel Gabriel,
eye.
s.. Washing the servant of Caiaplas
the hgh-priest, and putting rouge on his
cheeks.
6. Renewing the heavens, adding
two stars, gliding the sun, and washing the
moon.
7. Frightening the flames Of purgatory,
and restoring several souls.
8. Renewing the fires of hell, putting
new tail to Lucifer, and repairing his left
claw.
8. A new border for Herod's robe, put
ting in two new teeth, and re-adjusting his
Wig.
10. Patching the leather breeches of
Amos, and putting two buttons on his waist
coat.
IL. Cleaning the ears of Balaam's ass,
and new-shoeing him.
IL. A new pebble in David's sling, en-
larglng Golah's head, and setting his foot
farther back.
ls. New teeth in the jaw.hone of the
ass in Samson's hand.
IA. Putting new shirt on the prodigal
son.
Total, 70 livrcs, 6 soils.
r. dl"rims for GrumJlers.-If you woul!
tave all men friendly with you be friendly
with none. Ment hink that apple is sweetest
that hangs on the topmost bough.
lie who would be asked to dinner should
first hint that he had dined. We offer our
services the more readily when we think
they will not be accepted.
If it were not for fine cloths how few
would go to chu, ch.
Never confide in young man: new
pals leak.
Never tell your secrets to the aged; old
doors seldom shut closely.
In the way Of the world, how often do
we see man take all the pavement to him
self?
l bave noticed this: mon mostly desire
to see your faces when you have turned your
back upon them.
Alas how often do your friends follow
The custom of apothercaries, who give ad
vice gratis, provided you swallow their med
icine.
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06
RATES OF ADVERTISING.

The Pr"rrict"rs Of the Abbcvile Banner and
h"t""'i,~t Prrxs, have established the follow
ing rates of Advertising to be charged in both
papers:
Every Advertisement inserted for less time
Than three months will he charged bv the ins,r
ton at One Dollar per Square nj inch-th,
space of solid lines lcss) for the first inser
ton, and Fifty Gents for each subseuuent in
sertion.
IS The Commissioners, Sheriff's Clerks and
or!inarys Advertisements will he inserted i'm
both papers each charging half price
~ Sh"riif's l.rvics. One Dollar each
~ Announcing = Candidate. Five Dollars
Advertising an Esirny, Two Dollars, to be
pail by the Magistrate.
Advertisements Inserted for three months or
longer at the following rates:
, sl"'re . thohths'. ..................S son
| square months. s............. SIN
! square y uiohttlS.. 1000
square ~ months. --................ 1900
I! squares 3 months. .......... 500
squares q months. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. lJOO
squares months. .................. 1900
squares - h"hthS. ................ 20 10
squares months. ........... w 10 m
squares h"htt's. ................. 1900
. squares months. ................. 2l0O
squares II months. s......... 95OO
squares :, m"hti'S. -. 1900
squares months. .,............ 2OOO
! squares y months. Observation-Disclosures. Of On
squares II months. Observation-Disclosures. 3OOo
squares :, mont MS ................ 1900
squares months. .................. $500
squares months. .................. 31.O0
squares ~ hh"hths. ................. 35Un
squares . months ................ 20.0O
squares hohths. ................ 5000
squares : m"hihs. ................. $500
squares = h'"hths. ................ 1000
:. Sl'ieS h"'thS .................. $500
I squares q months a. IN
squares months. 4l M
squares l2 months asoo
squares 5 months eo m
squares & months. 40 m
= squares months. .................. 1900
squares IL months IN IN
FRACTIONS oi Squares will be charged in proper |
ton 10 the above rates.
fB business Cards for the term OF one year
will he charged in proportion to the space thew
occupy, ut One Doitar per line space. :
CB For all advertisements set in tlouJle col
"mn, Fifty per Cent. extra will be added to the
above rates.
DAVIS & CREWS,
For Banner:
LEE Il WILSON,
For Press
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06

a green looking chap from the Green
Mountain State went oxes the line and on
to Montreal, 1T look reound a leetle."-
Going into large and handsome dry goods
store, his verdancy attracted the attention
OF the proprietor, who attempted to quiz
''rs, but inhappiIy having an imp p.pedi
ment in his speech, he had to give it up,
and his head clerk came forward to. speak
The clerk began. "Mr. Bull WISHES to
know il you can tell him why Balaam's ass
Wa'al," said Jonathan, II rather guess
as how Balaam was stutterin' man, and
his ASS had TO speak for him!n
Good for Jonathan.
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06
But what shall I call it?"
q Fly.dispenser."

To The Girls.-Here is paragraph Of
plain talk to the girls, by an anonymous
author which is worth library of Young
Ladies Books, or Young Ladies' Friends, or
whatever may be title Of the wishywashy
compounds that are sold for the benefit OF
that interesting portion Of the community /:
Men who are worth having. wish wo-
men for their wives. A bundle of gcw-
gaws bound with string of flats and qua
vers, sprinkled with cologne, and set in a
carmine saucer-this is no help for man
who expects to raise family on veri,able
bread and meat. The piano and lace frame
are good in their places, and so are ribbons,
frills and tinsels, but you cannot make a
dinner Of the former, nor a bed blanket of
the latter. And, awful as the idea may
seem TO you, both dinner and bed blankets
are necessary for domestic happiness. Life
has its realities as we'll rs fancies but YOU
make it all a matter of decoration, remem.
herring the tasseIs and curtains, but forget
ting the bedstead. Suppose man Of good
sense, and Of course good prospects, to be
looking fos wife. what chance have you
to be chosena ? You may cap him, OF vow
may trap him, or you may catch him, but
how much better to make it an object for
him to catch you. Render yourself worth
catching; and you will need no shrewd
mother or brother to find market.
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06
THE SORREL DOCTOR.

| J
Alabama Legislature for establishing n
Botanical Medical College at Wetumpka.
Several able speakers had made long ad
dresses in support of the bill, when ono Mr..
Monrissett, from Monroe, took the floor
With much gravity he addressed the House
rs follows:
"Mr Speaker, cannot support this bir
unless assured that distinguished friend of
mine is made one of the professors. lie is
what that college wishes to make for us, "a
regular root doctor, and will suit the place
exactly. IIe became doctor in two hours,
and it orly cost him twenty dollars to
complete his education. He was called to
sec sick woman once, so he tucked his
book unde! his arm, and off he went. She
was very sick woman indeed, and he felt
her wrist, looked in her mouth, and then
turning to the husband, asked solemnly if
lie had Il 'sorrel Sheep
why. no, never heard of such a
thing said the man.
Well, there is such thing said the
doctor, nodding his head knowingly
Have you got sorrel horse, then?
YES said the man, 4 drove him to
mill this morning.
'Well,' said the doctor, 'he must be
killed Immediately, and somo soup made
Of him for your wife,
The woman turned her head away. and
the astonshed man inquired if something
else would not do for the soup, the horse
was worth hundred dollars. and was all
the one he had.
No., said the doctor, the book says
so, and if you don't believe it l will
show it to you-'Good for fevcrs-sh sheep
sorrcl or horse sorrel.' There, SIR
Why, doctor SAID The man and lis
wife, 1T don't mean sorrcl sheep or horse
but
We'll, know what I am about in
terruptcd the doctor that's the way we
doctors read it. and we understand
it,
Now continued the speaker amidst
the roars of the House, unless my sorrel
doctor can 10 one of the professors,
must vote against this bil.'
The blow most cffectuaily killed the
bill, it is needless TO state.
Extreme Dclicucy.-" Is there anything
the mattcr?'
"Thcre is, sir"
{" Have given offence ~
"You have, sir"
"Really, I am ignorant of it."
"such language won't suit here"
{" My dear, sir, what language 2"
"You were talking Of soup"
awe were."
you mentioned OK tail"
81 did"
"TlIat is it, that is it, sir. That sent tho
ladies blusling out Of the room that high.
ly improper language which never heard
at any board before, and should not have
expected it from you."
"Why, sir. l but called it Ivy its proper
name. You asked question, and re-
piled. I am, however sorry that it has
given offence-but do not really know
how | could we'll have avoided it.'
"Then, sir, I would advise you, when you
have OCCASION another time to speak of that
peculiar soup, do not call it ox.tall."
"No?"
"No, sir"
But what shall call it?"
"Fly-dispenser."
To fbo T:.Jo Ho.o ., -
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06

Wasnt I there Too.-At n recent cleo.
ton in this State, lad presented himself
at the poll to claim the benefit of the elec
tive franchise.
Feeling deep interest in favorite can.
dida:e, the father, who WAS evidently M.
posed to the boys preference, stood at the
ballot-box and chalenjged his right to vote,
on the ground Of his not being of age.
The young man declared that he was TWEEN.
ty one years old, that he knew it, and insis.
ted one his right.
The father, becoming indignant, and
wishing, as the saying is, to " bluff him off,
before the judges, said
snow, Bob, will you stand up there and
contradict mea Don't know how old vou
are? Wasn't thersa"
Bob looked his contempt for the old
mans speech, as lie hastily replied:
Thunderation s'pose you was wasn't
there, too o..
This settled the sire, and in went the
scion's vote.
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06

The woman who never interfered with
her husbands affairs arrived in town the
other day. She is an old maid.
The man who never says nothing to
nobody was recently, married to the lady
who never speaks i'll of no one.
"1 know" said Tipsy, "water is a fnc
thing, "but it is so dreadful thin"
Humbug-when your wife says she
loves you and leaves the buttons of your
shirt.
Much Needed. A good. strong, adhe-
sive plaster, to make busybodies stick to
their own, business.
The crew of sailing boat threw out al
of her ballast. She was consequently up.
'et-destroyed by tightening.
How do you account for thisi Tie
compass has four points, and yet pair Of
compasses only has two.
Happiness is like pig with a greasy
tail, which every one runs. AFTER. but few
hold.
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06

a red"gogue ,lreatened to punish pu.
p'' who had called him q fool behind his
back. '.Doh'el dos't!" said the boy. "I
won't do 20 aga;n, cir, never never viii
say what bthiok again in my liss:"
ALo.sl asdli-st sable keeper .. fash.
,ionabIe atsring-plaee,, ,adver.iaes, auaoues.
other inducements to visitoss .seciabls. fos
young ladies and gentlemen, and sulkies 70.
married folSs.
-
"Whatqueer things men will. make for
money r. is fhe woman said when. she sa,,
a monkey.
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06

Truisnas.-Borrowed garments seldom
st well.
Haste often trips up its own heels
Men often blush to hear what they are
not ashamed to act.
Prideis the flower that grows in the dsy.
iIis.gardea.
More are drowning in the wine cup than
in the ocean.
Lie who buys too many superAuiiies,
may be obliged to sell his necessi-
ties.
The heart Of the miser must be touched
with hot iron before any warmth can be
produced.
He WHO talks most, often has the least
brains.
Never patroniae spend.irift; better
let thy silver and gold rust in the
till.
Agallant wag was lately sitting beside
his beloved and being unable to think Of
anything to say, asked her why she was
like tailora II don't know" said she,
with pouting lip, "unless it is because ]
arn'sitt;DS beside a goose"
A. NDhtchmss. having friend hsag ID
this. country, wrote to'his friends iassa,iag
them tbat after addressing large meeting
of citizens, the scaffold on which he atood
gave way, owing to Which hs slland 5rohs
Ills neck
Some Texas papers having complained
that tlieir best editorials are extensively
Copied without tie proper credit, the victo-
ria Advocate replies that it Is often served
worse than that, for some Of its.bess ed,ss,
rials are not copicd'at ALL
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06

The Clear Stareher's Friend
WILL give 6uished and beautiful slosa IA,
lin and cotton goods it will be found an. ASH.
tapt in whitening clothes. aud ia warranted -
contain nothing injurious. For sale by
JORDAN Il MqI4AUGHLIN,
Dsuggists and Chemists.
The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-01-06

The woman who undertook to scour
Lhe woods has abandoned the job, owing to
'he high price of soap. The last that
was heard of her, she was skimming the
sea-
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29
Senatorial Vacancy.

1t seems to be the opinion, now, that Gov.
Weller will decline TO appoint any successor
to the Hon. D. G. Broderick, deceased. In
fact, we have understood that he has so in
formed Ninean f. Whitesides, Judge Haun
and the balance of the aspiratts to his guber.
natorial favor. lie refuses, we take the lib
erty of coniecturing. upon the ground that
the appointee to the office would draw all the
mileage for the next session, while the Sena-
tor subsequently elected would not receive
cent and, as he expects to be elected, he
would thus be robLing himself of five or six
thousand dollars, or whatever the amount of
the mileage might be, at one dash. That the
Senator appointed would receive all the mile
age for one session is apparent from the fact
that the Act of Congress of 1856 directs the
payment of mileage on The first day of the ses
sion. The appointee would he present on
the first day and of course get his money,
while the Senator elect, being chosen in Jan
uary, would reach Washington in February
and see nothing of his mileage. John B.
Weller has no notion of being thus "out of
pocket" if he can help it.
Another reason may also have some weight
with him, and that is, by appointing a man
United States Senator he acknowledges that
that man is fit for the office, and the legisla-
ture may chance to agree with him in opn-
ion, and this would be very awkward. 1t is
his policy to acknowledge no one fit for the
position in the entire limits of the State but
himself JOIN b. WELLER. Some Of the pa
pers are bothering themselves considerably
about this appointment, but we are free to
say that we do not care continental cent
whether an appointment is made or not
The State is about as well off with one Le-
comptonite in the Senate as she wOnld be
with two, and it may be "A source of gratifica-
ton to some to stave off the infiction as long
as possible, since it must come at last, in spite
of all that can be done.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29
Truckee Lake Ditch.

The road from Eureka ascends high, bald
mountain, from the top of which fine view
is had Of the surrounding country. On the
opposite ridge, which divides the Middle and
North Yuba. winds the Truckee Ditch, hug
ging the summit and stretching along to-
wards Minnesota. which is seen in the dis
tance. This di'ch was designed to tap True
kee Lake, in Utah Territory, to accom- plish
which object tunnel three miles in length
would be necessary, running directly under
the summit of the Sierra Nevada 1t is un.
derstood that this portion Of the enterprise
has been abandoned, rs the company receive
II supply of water sufficient for the demand
from the head waters Of the Middle Yuba,
where they are now building reservoir
The Truckee Lake Ditch is owned by Eng
lishmen and carried on 10y English capital,
and it is thought 10y competent judges that it
will never pay more than expenses us the
digging on that divide, above the vicinity of
mptOnville-where they have already n
sufficient supply of water-nre exclusively
drift diggings, and such diggings yield near
ly enough water by sipage.-Cor Hydraulic
Press.
Commenting on the latter portion of the
above, the editor of the Press says:
"We do not endorse this opinion. but think
hydraulic mining will yet he done in the
section described by our correspondent, and
create a demand for enlarged supplies of the
useful element"
Our own opinion is that the ditch can be
made to pay now, by proper management
If we are rightly Informed, the company has
far too many officers, agents and pen and ink
employees They carry things on too much
in the style of the old East India Company
or the Hudsons Bay Company or some such
such stupendous concern There is no neces-
sity for swelling out into any such grand
proportions and it won't pay. A little less
show, and a good deal more economy will
set the company all right again. At any
rate such is our opinion, very respectfully
and with all due Difference expressed.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

BLASTING ACCIDENTS IN NEVADA COUNTY
At Selby Flat, on Friday morning, Charles
Dewey was badly wounded by the premature
explosion of blast. His right hand was
entirely blown off, and the bone badly shat
tered at the wrist. his left arm was terribly
mangled. his face considerably burned by the
powder, and quite severe cash was cut in
the left leg by rock. His right arm was
amputated below the elbow, but it is feared
that he cannot recover.
On Monday, the 10th inst, Marshall Haw-
croft was severely injured 10y the accidental
! explosion of blast, near Scots Ranch, on
Rock Greek. His thumb was torn off, and
also great portion of the flesh on the inside
of the hand, by the drill passing through it,
leaving the bone bare.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

PooR CoURTEsY Some of our Lecompton
cotemporaries below have pitiful habit of
taking news paragraphs from the NATIONAL
DEMocRAr and crediting them to the Express;
for no other reason, we suppose. than that
the Express is, like themselves, Lecompton.
The news editors of these sheets may think
this conduct all ri lat and proper, and posi-
bly, they may think it smart. We differ
with them, however, most decidedly in opin-
ion. Our notion Is that the practice is a very
small one, and that persons who cannot show,
as journalists, the common courtesy which is
due between respectable members of the
press, ought to be made to retire and give
place to Ilen who can.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29
A LETTER from Los Angeles save /:

Mr.. Smith, who came through last spring
from Albuquerque, with Mrs Brown, whose
husband was killed by the Mohaves last year,
has gone back to meet at the Colorado the
balance of his own company, with their large
band of American stock, which started to
come by the Beale route but was compelled
to turn back and take the Fort Yuma route.
Mr. Smith thinks that Messrs. Beale and
Bishop speak too highly of their route. as an
Immigrant and cattle route, although favora.
BILE Geographically for a railroad.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

TAXABLE Properly IN NEVADA COUNTY
The total value of taxable property in Neva-
da county, according to the Assessors report
for 1859, is $S,62s, ,553, and the assessment of
taxes upon the same, for State and county
purposes, amounts to S79,S2s o6. Last
year the total value of property in the coun.
ty as assessed, was s4,lOl 1893, showing de-
crease this year as compared with last, s4s3,
44O. The Nevada Democrat, from which we
clip the above, says that the apparent de-
crease is owing to decision of the Supreme
Court, to the effect that money invested ii
mining could not be taxed under the revenue
law of the State
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29
MARYSVILLE.
MORNING, SEPT. goth.

HEBREW New YEAR.-The Hebrews of
this city celebrated last evening, by accus-
toned worship, the advent of the Jewi Ii
and twentieth. The ceremonies took place
in a room in Reynolds building. and were
quite imposing.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

The Tulare Record, in speaking of the at
tack by the Indians upon the mail station at
Camp johnson, Texas, on the I'd of Septem-
Der, says;
An Indian, who spoke good English, de.
manded the horses in the corral, and was
told to take them but not to fire on the house.
They took nine mules and a horse and killed
bullock aud ate it, but kept firing on the
house, after which they went off The In
dians had three guns, one Sharps rile.-
The stage from the east arrived at l at night,
when the station was abandoned and all but
the women and children walked to the next
station, 90 miles, they riding.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

The Executive Committee of the Pacific
Railroad Convention met in San Francisco on
Monday, (Gen j. A. McDougal, chairman J
and elected Louis R. Lull Secretary, and J.
II. Cutter Treasurer. The following persons
were elected a financial Committee: W.
Rnhe j. il. Cutter, Ira p Rankin and II NJ
Hale, of San Francisco; John Bidwell, of
Butte; Lafayette Balch of Washington Ter
ritory; W. S Ladd, of Oregon; ID o. Mills,
Of Sacramento 5. NJ Mezes, of San Mateo !;
R. P. Hammond, of Stockton; Lawrence Ar
cher, of Santa Clara; and j. Levinson, Of
Tehama.
1t was decided that the regular meetings Of
the Committee should be held in San Fran
cisco, on the second and fourth Tuesday in
every month. Messrs Crockett, Holland,
Hale and MeDougall were appointed a COM
mi tee to report at the next regular meeting
the proper mode Of obtaining subscriptions of
stock, and of organizing a company.
a subscription was opened, and the sum Of
1925 subscribed by the committee to defray
their expenses
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

EMANUEL JOHNSON, n negro burglar, made
his escape the other night from the Jail at
Oakland. Some of his comrades went to the
Jail during the night and pred the roof off
with crow-bar, thus allowing the inmate to
make bis escape.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

SwEARs HE'LL HAVE uER.-Men are suppos-
ed, by law, to be entitled to their wives but
occasionally their title amounts to very little
in reality. An instance Of this character has
just been related to US. A citizen. who resides
in the country, has a wife and two children.
his children are very fond of him, but hi is
wife not quite so much so. A few months
ago, while residing in n little town up coun-
try, he observed that she was becoming very
intimate with somewhat dissipated youth
in that vicinity. lie demonstrated with his
hekle spouse and tried to shoot the gay Lo
thario." The thing blew over. and he re-
moved to his present locality. The other
day, the youth in question, in one of his mer
rier moods produced 10y drinking, boosted
that he had received a couple of letters from
tins lady, in which she Informed him thnt,
whenever he chose to come after her, she
was ready to go with him to the end of the
world lie swore, in addition, that he in
tended to have her. His auditors told him il
would be dangerous, that he might get "the
lop OF his head blowed off," lie replied tbot
die. snug 70 nave her or
" nat the result is going TO be remains bid
In the womb of the future. But we presume
he will steal her.
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

The Indianapolis State Sentinel states that
the indications are that the proposition sub
mitted by the last Legislature, to call Con-
vention to manufacture new Constitution.
will be voted down by q large majority
Daily national Democrat., 1859-09-29

DOUGLAS Men NOT DEFEATED. The Le-
comptonites commence Dragging little too
early. The Douglas men do not consider
themselves defeated by any means, and cilt
not, until Douglas fails to get the nomina-
tion in the Charleston Convention. Even
then, their defeat will be no triumph for the
Lecompton Party, for they will neyer elect
their President. So, put that in your pipes
BUCCANEERS, and smoke it.