Mineral Point weekly tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1859-1868, 1859-01-11

Has any one written the natural history
Of hammers II is very fertile sub
ject. Why don't the temperance or hu-
name societies publish treaties on the very
peculiar habits Of Tins genus. | have
never read such book, yet know the
animal very well. \ hummer is a sort Of
Centaur - half man, half beast "a crab
engrafteo on an apple an overgrown
poIIvwog. minus the tail, who lives on
drinks, but not Of water; he don't seem
to have been made IS either art or nature,
but in SPITE of both, by evil custom. To
the phllosophic naturalist there Is no form
Of life, from an earthworm to an ele-
phaut thai affords such an ad iuiuitum'
variety Of class and character IN the same
species. as Ibis lazy, bioated, shiftless,
ragged, u2washed and drowzy animal -
the hummer.
The hummer is traveller and philos-
opher. He has been to all places aud
You'll find hm everywhere. lie will dis
course freely v-oh very freely on all
subjects politics, theology, botany, ge-
ologv, chemistry, astronomy - all The
same to him. His mode Of securing your
attention IN conversation Is singularly
bummerish - the constant repetition OF a
parenthetic hiccouCh. which somewhat
counteracls the narcotic tendency Of his
monoionous drdwl. lie Is an active re-
cruiting sergeant for the mighty army Of
bummers Make his acquaintance - you
can introduce Yourself; be will surely
treat YOU - at your own expense - and
kindly use his eudeavors 10 get You on
a " spree" Keep his refined society,
during one revolution OF " the bright silver
moon, and g don't 90 home all morning, :
and YOU are Al once exhibited as an ap-
proved hummer =" Fl; to pass muster, "
and IF the operation does not lake some
bright silver out Of your pocket, and some
of The bright health and modesly and IN
nocence of YOUR character, lis because
you have none 10 spare. and on can count
Yourself more lucky than most " raw re-
cruits" on first experience - that's all
He is sociable, too; a jolly good fellow
invite him to he bar, and you are tried
friends and fast companions for life. In
! fact, YOU can hardly shake him off with
out the ala of a lIulle music or police
man.
The hummer superintends the general
/ business of TIE city without Il salary
{ His salary consists IN the privilege 10
ioaf. He holds 40 office of public trust -
now could he. without ncglecting the grea,
duties Of hummer He usually walks
three miles over one mile Of road, taking
J both sides ct once the doctors recon-
mend pure air and exercise. IN summer
] he sleeps anywhere and everywhere- on
The roof. on the dock, on the Battery, on
the sidewalk. or In the Park, but most
commonly on the steps of the CITY Hall
and the Hall of Records, or, Perchance,
on the door step Of some Dutch grocery.
/ The doctors commend well ventilated
room and hard bed.
In winter - ba, there's the rub. hard,
cruel, unsoc.able winter = sour-taced,
! froSty-heavted winter = nnscrupuious, un
/ feeling winter, that has no pity for poor
fellows sulierings, bat viii come = I'M
polite, imper,inenJ winter. that can't minl
lis own business and keep away. Ii VIII
ter. | say. the hummer IS constrained IL
keep in doors, and neglect the city's busi,
ness: he cannot even afford 70 loaf IN tbs
warm sunlight; he reads hierogiyphics al
dav long on the stove cover, and discusses
politics and science with the other bum
mers; a, night, be sleeps IN the arm-char
by the stove. or on the cheese and sugar
barrels OF :. he grocery.
The hummer has genteel appetite =
an ounce OF bad cheese and a sea mscul
are enough for him IN twenty-four hours
or, indeed, ip twenly-four days for tha
matter he lives on something better