The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1859-10-06
PUBLISHERS. s.
NO. l..
WlTkHO MISDO

ally Quack.-R,mch.
pga- Why is a kiss like scandal? Ans.
-Because it goes from mouth to mouth.
gea- Nothing renders the mind so mar
row and SO little as the want of social in
| tercoUrse.
re- Whilst shame keeps its watch, vir-
tue Is not wholly extinguished from the
heart.-BurAc.
BSA. The contemplated National Horse
Show, in Hartford, Connecticut, this sea-
son, has been given up T
BE- negro being asked if his master
was Christian, replied, ''No, sir, he's a
member Of Congress, ~
Ee2g~ The most economical time to b,rvi
cider Is, when it is not very clear, for then
1t will settle for itself
Ba. hold it true, whate er befall-
/ feel it when I sorrow most
Tis better to have loved and lost,
Than never to have loved at all.
pea- "What is that ?" asked teacher
of little girl, pointing to the letter X
"Why, that's papa's name; I've seen him
write it ever so often"
Rzlg> q I havn't another word to saw.
wite-I never dispute with fools "No,
husband, you are very sure to agree with
them
hag~ "Come here, my dear, [ want to
ask you all about your sister. Now, tell
me, truly, has she got beau?" 'No, it's
the jaunders; the doctor says So"
Eag~ An INDIsPUTABLE VILLA far
mer made his last viii and testament in
words few but significant: :-"I have
nothing, [ owe nothing, and I give the
rest to the poor"
BE- We heard a good Methodist preach
er once go on" in this way:-"As was
riding along once on neof those beautiful
Western prairies, with my dear old wife,
who has since gone to heaven in buggy"
Rsg~ Tom-''Don you think some wer-
ses would touch her, Charley beautiful
pome Z" Charley-"Oh, hang your wer-
ses, Tom. If you want to enjoy life, drop
poetry and the gals altogether, and jine a
tire-company."
asa- In Austria no one can receive a
license to marry unless he is able to sub
scribe his name with his own hand to the
certificate. \ hard country for a man
who has no hands, should he wish to
"splice."
RSg@ \ good joke is told of an Ohio ed
itor, who recently took n cotemporary to
task for copying choice scraps from his
editorial columns and not giving credit
for them. The cotemporary replied by
saying he did not do L credit business -
rsA- The grasshoppers in parts of Vir-
ginia are acquiring the habit of chewing
tobacco. 1t is said they have eaten the
growing tobacco crop-the nasty things
BY and by they viii be smoking cigars
and drinking rot-gut.
Esy> 1t has often been observed, at a
public entertainment, that when there is
anything particular to be seen, and eve
rybody wants particularly to see it, every
body Immediately stands up, and effectu-
ally prevents anybody from seeing any
thing
Hs5g- It is related that DR. p, of
Boston, was once invited by friend to
visit the theatre and see new play. The
friend proposed taking seats near the or
chestra ooh, no." said the doctor, 81
have i slight cold, and doubt the propri-
ETY. of sitting near those oeiad Instruments !'''
By \ poet, after Longfellow, gets off
a poem, of which the following stanza is
true specimen;
In the worlds broad field of battle,
In the great barn-yard of life,
Be not like the lazy cattle
Be a rooster in the strifeI
rea. An irascible old gentleman was Ia
ken with sneezing in the cars lately. After
sneezing in the most spasmodic manner
eight times, he arrested the paroxysm for
a moment, and extricating his handker-
chief, he thus addressed his nasal organ,
Indignantly saying:
ooh. go on-go on-youl blow your
Internal brains out presently"
sSy~ \ New USE FOR PAPER SHIRT
CoLLARs-We heard young man yes
terday complaining thus "Went and
bought dozen shirt collars-thought
they were very nice, sir-and SO cheap,
sir They were cheap-exceedingly cheap
but l put it to you, sir, as a friend, sir,
as a friend if it isn't cutting it too fat
decidedly too fat, sir, to have a great
loafer come along, when you are all dressed
for church, sir, and tear off the whole
side of your collar, to light his detestable
cigar with, sir, as he did mine, sir"-ex-
hibited compound fracture of the garrotte
extending half way around his neck
BfgaLo Co.=rivr.