Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1859-01-15

Her fathers love she bade me gain;
went and shook like any reed!
strove TO act the man-in vain!
We had exchanged our hearts indeed
Coieridge.
A woman will tolerate tobacco smoke in man
she likes-and even say she likes it and vet.
curiously enough, how she dislikes it in man
she dislikes
A man whom DR.. Johnson once removed for
following useless and demoralizine business.
said in excuse, You know, Doctor, that must
live. The brave old hater Of everything mean
and hateful coolly replied that he did not see
the least necessity for that
1t is sad to think how many of the most fire.
quent and popular figures of rhetoric crumble
into nothing as the world moves on. The Phg-
nix, with clipped wings and limited powers of
transmigration, long ago yielded up the ghost
The Norway maelstrom which has served to point
so many morals, has been itself whitfield to a
point so small as not to be visible to the naked
eye. And now, forsooth we are told that the
famous or rather infamous, Upas tree of Java
does not exhale the deadly malaria which has
been supposed, in our simplicity to come the
mower and reaper over all who breathed it.
The juice is poisonous, but all the rest is sail
or's yarn. So all the fine talk about the terri
BILE valley of dry bones around the deadly Upas'
is, 1t seems, sheer CANNON! What next, we
wonder?
Uncle-'George, have you got pocket-book p
Nephew-'No, SIR Uncle--'then am very
sorry, for was going to give you a shilling to
put into it, George visits his uncle again, for
titled with large wallet) Uncle-'George,
have you got pocket-book yet?' Nephew
Iwhose countenance brightens up.) Yes, SIR
Uncle-'Oh, then, am quite sorry, for was
going to give you a shilling to buy one
There was once clergyman in New Hamp-
shire noted for his long sermons and indolent
habits. How is it, said a man to his neighbor.
'Parson --, the LATEST man living, writes
these interminable sermons?' WHY said the
other, he probably gets to writing and is too
lazy to stop
A letter passed through the Tappahannock
post office the other day, addressed to person
out west with the title, Attorney at law and the
very devil at bluff
DENNIS O'FLAHERTY AND THE POSTMASTER
! 'Hillo, Misther Postmaster and is there iver
letther here for Dennis O'F1aherty? Il believe
there Is, said the postmaster, stepping back and
producing the letter. And will you be so kind
as to rade It to me- seein' had the misfortune
to be edicated to rade never q bit p TO be
sure said the accommodating postmaster. He
then opened and read the epistle, which was
from the 'old comthry,' concerning his relations
there, and so brth. When he had finished,
Dennis observed: And what would you be az
in for the postage on that letther?' Fifty
cents. 'Andits chape enough, yer honor but,
as niver think of akin ye to trust me, Just
kape the letther for pay; and say, Misther, if
I'd call in one of those days would We write an
answer to it p
Il speak within bounds, as the prisoner said
to the jailor.
When young men have nothing to live upon
but love, they commonly fall in love and get
married-just as if hugging and kissing were
substitute for mutton chops and fricaseed mack
erel
| gentleman was doing well, but wanted to
do better, in Kentucky, and so removed to a
farther-vestern state and in answer to cor
respondent, wrote back the following hattering
account of the 'kid'ntry' and its inhabitants -
You ask me how like this country and the
people thereof As for the country, the land is
as cheap as dirt, and good enough; but the
climate is rainy, blowy, and sultry. The people
die so fast here that erey man has has third cife,
and ereyy ,comdn is a tcidotci AS for the peo-
pie they are perfect Christians. They fulfil the
Scriptures to the letter, where it says, Let God
be true, but every man liarr That's charm
ing section of Uncle Samuel's domain, isn't it ?
See therev exclaimed returned Irish soldier
to gaping crowd, as he exhibited, with some
pride, his tall hat with bullet-hole in it. Look
at that hole, will you; you see that if it had been
to,c-crowned hat should have been killed
outright!
| If you would have your laws obeyed without
mutiny, see well to it that they pieces of God
Almighty's law-otherwise all the artillery OF
the world cannot keep down mutiny.-Cdrlyle.
Howard Paul relates that he was once invited
to sewing party. The next day friend ask
ed him how the entertainment came of. 'Oh,
it was very amusing replied Howard, the la
dies hemmed, and l hawed.'
The latest medical take-in-inhalation
The lady IN hoop, says Leigh Hunt, like a
goddess, is half concealed in an hemisphere out
of which the rest of her person rises like Venus
out of the pillows. When she moves and the
hoop is at proper length as well as breadth, she
does not walk-her steps are not visible-she is
borne along she is waited comes gliding.
Verdict of Indian medicine men upon the body
of one of their tribe who had frozen to death
''That the deceased came to his death in conse-
qvence Of the freezing in his body of quantity
of water which he had imprudently been induc-
ed to minge with the rum he drank"
| Revenge Is longer lived than gratitude. In
dorse Mr.. Smiths note to keep him from burst
ing, and he will forget all about it in month.
Pull Mr.. Smiths nose, and he will cherish a Sc
cret desire to burn your house down for the re-
mainder of his life. Revenge is passion
Gratitude appears to be only sentiment. We
can all hate; but it is only one man in humid
red that possesses sense enough to be thankful.
A SHARP LAD.-Horace Smith, in his testi-
mony in the New Haven divorce trial, says that
his friendly letters to Mrs. Bennett were four
or five pages long, but that he makes it point
to write as near nothing as he can, when he ad-
dresses lady. The following is the succeed
ing question and answer: Why should you
write twenty letters to say nothingp We'll,
that is often the most pleasing to ladies'
An eminent lawyer went into shop of a
gentleman in Boston, who was in partnership
with his brother-in-law and inquired for some
waistcoats. A number of elegant patterns
were thrown on the counter. The lawyer
pleasantly observed he should like to take one
of them If he would take his pay in law. "You
may take one, if you please" replied the gen.
tleman, "and pay my brother-i,.-laD."
When the late Judge Howell, of Rhode
Island, was at the bar, Mr.. Burgess, to play q
joke, wrote on the lining of his hat, rac,rlrm
c1nuf (emntv head \ The hat circulatad ahout