The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1859-04-14
Published by Theodore Schoch.
90 LAT E.
FROM MRS. sEAToN's JOURNAL.

i sit alone, As my thoughts 60 baeK
TO nv mournful Past, this burden floats
waitingly along every chord they strike
-"Too Lstel" "Too Latel"
It's as if demon had pursued me all
my life, continually dogging my footsteps,
with watchful malice prevcnting the con-
SUNNI alton of every hope, shutting out all
opportunity for expiation of my grievous
faults; barring from my path the sunlig BIT
Of love; coming between me and moth
er's forgivuess. fathers blessing, hus-
bands dying reconciliation; depriving me
Of the last glance of my boys glorious
eyes, and, at last, Of the feeble radiance
of expiring happiness, that might have
pilded my later days. Pray heaven that
may not, at the last, End that, also, for
repentance aud pardon | have been too
late!
Very soon my lonely life will end at
the tomb. For days | have been busily
setting my house in order for the great
change; making all ready for those who
only await my death to step into the in
heritance Of those fair acres, 10y ances-
trail mansion and domain.
In doing this | have examined all my
long accumulated boards OF papers, the
records of my life, and its sufferings and
disappoiptments Among them have
found the pile of clasPed books that con-
tain the journal Of my earlier days. 1t
brings my history down to the time when
the book in which, for the last score OF
years, | have noted the far apart incl
dents of my desolate, and moDotonous,
and cbildless widow hood was com menced.
From these, dear friend, have drawn
the painful narraiions which have here
set dow1 for your perusal when | am no
more. Everywhere you will hear the
wail of my lifc,bardeu-tOO late! too
late!"
June lOth, IL. To dag I am fifteen.
1t is my birth day. This morning, when
arose, looked in ms mirror and saw
fresh, rosy face, sparkling eyes, red lips,
too full aud poutng, perhaps, with white
teeth cleaning through them, as | smiied
10 salutstion Of my own "douhle." vas
long time arranging ny curlF, for |
would not let ny maid, Alice, lay her
hands upon them. She makes them feel
stiff and formal, and papa does pot like
them thus. His little wished to please
him on her birthday.
Twas so long that | could not 60 to
mamms's room before breakfast. Papa
kissed me fondly, blessed me, and then
put into my hand the tiniest watch, shin
ing With soft pearls that are set around
its outer edge. 1t was very good in pa
pa to give me that.
He asked me to accompany bin on bis
ride, but before ran to naDma's room.
She looked very faint and Ill, but she
smiled sweetly and kissed NE, oh, SO fond
ly. as she said
'Bless you, my Own, own darling"
Then .be held ne very close to ber
bosom, and | felt warm tears falling soft
ly on my neck.
"My darling will stay With me this
morning, will she potf' she said at last,
10 her sweet, feeble tones.
But at that instant | heard the horses
brought round, and drew myself hastily
from her clingipg arms.
II am going to ride with papa" | said
abruptly, and though | kissed her cheek.
fear it Was but codly, for as left the
room saw her looking sadly, almost re-
prOsohfully, a;scr &c.
Papa left me at General Mounts,
where we called TO spend the day With
dear jeanette 1t has been very hap
DIV day, and Gerald Mount and bis sister
rode home with me an hour ago. | went
to mamma's door, but the nurse came out
and told nc, 10 whisper, that she was
very III, aud must not be disturbed. She
is often thus, bet | ana very sorry she
could not zee him to night, for | have
been sad all day, in the midst Of ny
pleasure, becaus [ was 50 wilfal and un-
kind to her. | wanted much to ask her
TO forgive me, and to feel her kiss on N
brow before | slept. But to morrow
morning | will 60 early to express my
sorrow and seek her pardon.
June 20M.-F For nine days have been
motherless; and since that fatal hour that
saw ne an orphan | had no heart to
write here. The morning Oh which |
hoped to ask my mothers pardon fer my
unkindness saw me hanging over ber
seuseless corpse. was reused in the
night BY summons to bcr room. Alas!
when arrived there she no longer knew
me. Insensible and speecbless, she was
rapidly breathiug away her life. In vain
! watched and prayed for one look or
sign of pardon. She died without ever
knowing my remorse, my prayers for
pardon, my sorrow and regret were all too
lstel Never will the memory of that
ssepe, my agony and fearful, impotent
grief pass from me. was borne sense