The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-08-31

a nc WWu WHuS UHlSUeu ~ NY Jucc,
And snickering ansucered, Nary place,
= A man behind the ago should be
fed on catchup.
- Because a young lady is kept at
home is she necessarily homcly!
Lies are hillless swords, which cut
the hands that WELD them.
= Marrying for money is specie of
prostitution.
- Tho slanderous words of common
liar do not amount to slander.
There are now e37 prisoners in the
penitentiary at Columbus, Ohio.
He who ccnsuros everybody consur-
cs nobody.
1t is great pleasure to be alone,
especially when you have your sweet
heart with you.
- Many writers profess great exact
ness in punctuation, who yet never make
point.
- Scandal, like the Nile, is fed by in
Vulnerable streams, but it is extremely
difficult to trace it to its source
When is hen most likely to
hatch? When sho is in earnest, (her
nest
- You can't make pork out of pig
iron, or become shoemaker by drinking
sherry cobblers.
Lightning rods take the mischief
out of the clouds-enlightening rods take
it out of bad boys.
-" If you wish to make shoe of
durable material said the facetious
Danesburg, "you should take the mouth
of topper, for that never lets in water"
A school master asked one of his
fair pupils, can you decline kiss ~
Dropping perplexed courtesy she mod
-----i:.,i aVae s;- hut lon,t ILL., io -
Don't expect TO be called good
fellow moment longer than you consent
to do precisely what Other people wish
you to do.
= Misprints will present themselves in
The author of temperance novel who
wrote, drunkenness is folly" was hor-
ror struck TO read drunkenness is jolly"
-"Pooh! poohp' said an unfecling
wife to hor expiring husband, as he
strove to utter few parting words, "don't
stop to talk, but go on with your dying"
-"Does that razor take hold well y
inquired au Oswego barber of Buffalo
nian who was undergoing the operation
of shaving. "Yes," was the reply, "it
takes hold first rate, but it don't let so
worth cent"
- A minister once took occasion to
puff a doctor in prayer at a funeral,
thus wise "And in thy infinite Provi-
dence, oh! Lord, not all the care and
skillful attention of her learned and ex-
perienced physician has been able to save
our sister from tho rcmorseless grave"
=" "You musicians ought to be happy
fellows" said II. the other day, to q
band-master. "Why!" said the leader
"Because you need never want for money
for when your funds run short, you have
only to put your instrument to your lips
ard-raise the wind"
A fellow was arrested for stealing
ducks, and after description of them
the council of the prisoner said: "Why
they can't be such rare breed for Pv'
some like them in my own yard" "Ver.
likely" said the complainant, ave lost {
good many ducks lately"
A QUEER CoUPLE.-A man age'
eighty years living in the parish of Kill
agan, Ireland, was married on tho lStl
ult. to young lady twenty-five year
old, who has been blind for the last tc
years. The bridegroom is lame, an
cannot go without the aid of crutch.
A school boy, being asked TO dc
fine the word "admission," said it mean
twenty-five cents. "Twenty five cents
echoed the master what sort Of defnitio
: is that?" 81 don't know" sulkily r,
! piled the boy "but I'm sure il says o
the advertisement down here at I'll
/. show" Yes, said another boy, on
{ children at half price,"