The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1859-07-15
Z * cE r PTS .

dock.
Why are ripe potatoes iu The ground
like thieves ?-Because they ought to be
taken up.
Jones says he loves two charming girls
Jenny Rosity, and Annie Nation.
Bachelor makes wigs so natural that the
wearers have their hair cut regularly.
A year Of pleasure passes like a floating
breeze, but moment of misfortune seems
an age Of pain.
We have seen ladies not only too weak
to bear food, but even too weak to Lear con-
tradiction.
Come here, Master Tommy, do you
know your A, B, Csr-'Yiz, zur, l know
bee sees.'
RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS witbou,
your dinner, and see if you don't feel happy
when it is supper time.
Women can easily preserve their youth ::
for she who captivates the heart and under
standing never grows old.
FooLs.-We may like young fools, but
it is impossible to express the contempt we
feel for old ones !-Punch.
Husband, must have some change to-
day.-'Well, stay at home and take care
ofthe children; that will be change enough
anyhow
An old maid who hates all mention Of
the male eek, has cut female acquaintance
who complimented her upon the 5uoyancy
of her spirits.
There is lady at Taunton so handsome
and so proud, that she says there is only
oneithing in the world worth looking at,
and that is-a mirror.
SENTIMENTAL YourH.-My dear girl
will you share my lot for lifea Practical
g'rl-How many acres is your lot, sir,
A deserted damsel struck her lover with
apoker, exclaimipg with sobs, you have
broken my heart, and I'll break your head
SIR
Sally said young gent, preparing to
take snooze, if any one calls, tell them I'm
gone.'-'Gone where, sir a'-'Gone to Sleep
Foote, on being scolded by a lady, said,
Z have beard Of tartar and birthstone; you
are the cream Of the one and the flower Of
tho other.'
Jones has reverence for TRUTH said
Brown. so perceive was Smiths reply
for he always keeps respectful distance
from it.
Did you ever know young lady who
was too weak to stand up in an omnibus,
who could not dance all night without be.
ing tireda
A NEW PRIv1LEeE.-Surelyi it is priv
ilege to be kissed BY the breeze that has
kissed all the pretty women in the world.
AN ENGLISH BULL In charity sermon
IN behalf of the Blind Asylum, the preach.
eF graveIy remarked, If all the world were
blind, what melancholy sight it would be |!
How TO WrN.-You win q woman bv
appealing to her impulses-you win a man
by appealing to his interests. It is all the
difference between compliment and a
bnbe-Punch.
BEAUTIFUL RErLy.-A good man in
affliction, who was asked how he bore bi,
sorrows 50 we'll, replied, 1t ligbtens the
stroke to draw near to Him who handle.
the rod.'
A woman, purchasing cups and saucers
was asked what color sbe would have
why, amt Particular says she; ANY
color that won't show the dirt
A wellkpown bill.discounter having oh
served that there was no knowing one'
friends till they were tried, was asked I
most Of bis friends had not been tried al
.sadyl
'Wby, DOCTOR said lady, you talk q
though horse were better than a man r.
sHe is,' said the doctor, 'he nevor deceive
slsdy-his tongue Is bridled-and he hate
hoops!'
Mrs. Smith, did you say, in tho hearin,
ofmy little, that was great rusty cat
NO. my desr Mrs. Jones; said you wer
.agreat aristoorat'
AHswzR1Ha \ Fool ACCORDING 70 HI
FoLIy.-f tell you, Susan. that will com
init snicide it you don't have ne.,-sWel
Thomas. - soon . you have given mo The
proof Of your affection, I will believe tha
you love me- n.y. s>