The Kenosha telegraph and tribune. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1859-1860, 1859-09-15
ES R Il WIT ES.
Is crazy tenement mad-house Z


WHAT prevents cook from swallowing her
apron Because it goes against her stomach.
To have mother is almost half of ones life.
-Beecher
II petticoat government is not more oppres-
sive now than formerly, it is certainly double in
extent @ .ge aa
| WHAT poor world this would be without
women and newspapers. How would the news
| get around a'.
The Printer, who kissed his sweetheart, say
ing, please exchange" is believed not to have
exceeded the proper liberty of the press"
OLD GENT.--Why don't you go TO work and
stop picking your nosel Boy-Its my nose,
amt 1t and it's Fourth of July too. I'll pick
thunder ont of it, if I've mind to- =.
The best definition we ever heard of bearing
false witness against Your neighbor," was given
by little girl in school She said it was when
nobody did nothing and somebody went and
told it" e9.
/" Father" said cobbler's lad, rs he was peg
cling away at an old shoe, they say that trout
bite good now" well, WE'LL" replied the old
gentleman, you stick to your work, and they
cOnt bite gou"
a subscriber asks the editor OF the Field: 'Is
an apple vegetable or not ?'' la scientific Ian
suage it belongs to the vegetable kingdom but
in the language of the kitchen, it is not a yeee.
table but fruit a sa r
have told you three times my son, to shut
the gate said gentleman TO bis little boy-A
enid OF four years. And Two told you free
times, lisped the little cub, "that wodn't do il.
You must be stupid"
THERE are on earth 1,OOO,OO0OOO of inhabit>
ants. OF these 1888 1888 die every year;.7,.
$50 every hour, and 60 every minute or one in
every second. But there are always more births
than deaths. and SO population increases 81 sr i
A GENTLEMAN asked a waR the other day the
reason why SO many of the tall gentlemen were
old bachelors The reply was that they are
obliged to lie cornerwise in bed TO keep their
feet in, and wife was in the way.
"WHY, Alfred, am scared =" said the GOOD
minister to youngster who was swearing most
practically.
why the ID dent you run then" re.
piled the boy.
SLEEPY Deacon, who sometimes engaged
in popular games, hearing the minister use the
wards, ''shufile off this mortal COIL" started up
abruptly,rubbed his eyes and exclaimed: Hold
on there its my deal !" aa3. sa.r
CHARLES" said young lady, the Other
morning to her beau, "what is the cause of the
market-house bell ringing so ~ "Well," said
4 he haa1i r.
ion, should give it my deliberate conviction
that somebody is pulling the rope"
SAILOR just off spree. Joined the sons OF
Temperance in Philadelphia, the other day and
at the time was indebted to a rum-seler one
shilling. Soon after, he went to pay of the
score, but determined not to enter the house in
which he was robbed, he got long pole at.
tached the money to the end of it, and standing
at the outside of the door, reached it to the az
tonished publican. 2'- VI
LIFE AT PIKE's PEAK.-1st Diegsy-"Well
Jim, what luck Me and my mate have made
nigh $500, but we are most starved-had moth. =
ing to eat for four days" ,-.-.,.
End. Digger.-:I amt dug nothin at all to-
day, but shot big rat and have jest eat him
tasted first rate, he did, e.s+s lr-r
Dtgger.-"Ah! you always had better luck
than us.' -ffr. e.-...-
In one of the rural towns in Vermont, there
lived a man who was accused Of stealing sheep,
and The day was appointed when he was to an
swer the charge before court ofjustice. But,
as it happened, before the day of trial, he sick.
ened and died. His old mother was overwhelm.
ed with grief and sat long by the corpse. filing
the house with wailing and lamentation. At
last, a thought seemed TO strike her: she brgh-
ened up, and throwing up her hands, she joy
ously calculated: Well thank God, he's out
of the sheep scrape, anyhow" aa asa
AN ENORMOUS GLoBE.-A London CORES.
pondent of the Rochester american thus speaks
| ola word-noted geographical CURIOSITY:
| (" ] went to see the other nighttime great globe
in Leicester Square, the greatest globe ever
made, 60 feet in diameter. IL would hold amor
binary house inside of it. Tho inequalities OF
surface on the globe are very accurately repre-
scented, and one on it that the height of the
4 highest mountain is very Insignificant compared
with the immense diameter of the planet, and
scarcely affects the spherical form Of the globe.
One thing strange about this globe is that you
have to go inside of it to look at it, the map be.
ing all on the coucave surface. .s+..v
as a. kss, - @ gssz sts ya4