The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-06-04
FROM the Cleveland Pia!ndealer.
ARrEMUS WARD SEES PICCOLOM1NI.


Gentz-I arroved in Cleveland on Satur-
day P. NJ. from Baldinsvile jest in time to fix
myself up and put on clean billed rag to
attend Miss Pica lehominy's crate musical
sorry at the Melodeon. The krowds which
pored into the hull augurcd well for the show
bisnes & with cheerful sperrets jined the
eutho osiastic throng. i asked Mr.. Strak-
hosh at the door if he parst the perfession,
and he sed not much he didn't, whereupon
bawt preserved seat in the pit, and OBJ
sarviny to Mr.. Strakhosh that he needn't put
on SO many French airs becaws he run with
II big show, and that he'd better let out his
weskut a few inches or perhaps he'd bust his
self some fine day, went in and squatted.
1t was sad thawt to think that in oil that
vnrst aujience Scarcely Sole had the hon
or Of my acquaintance. st this ere,' sed
bitturlv, "is Fame! What sigerfy my wax
fggers and livin wild beasts (Which have no
ekals) to these peple? What do thay care
becawz site of my Kangaroo is worth dub
BILE the price Of admissission and that my
Snakes is as harmls as the new born babe
all of which is strickly troo-?" shood
hav gone on ralein at Fortin and things sum
more but Jest then Signor Maccaropy cum
out and sung hairey from sum
opry or other. lie had on his store close Il
looked putty slick, must say. Nobody
didn't understand nothin abowt what he sed
and so they applawdnd him vers ferusly.--
Then Signor Brignoly cum out l. sung an
other hairey. lie appeared to be in Pen
siv Mood & sung Luv song | spose, tho he
may have bin cussin the aujience all into a
heep for aut knowd. Then cum Mr.. Mac
carony agin & Miss Picklehomony herself.
They sang Doit together.
Now you know gentz, that don't admire
opry music. But like Miss Picklehomony's
stile. Hike her gate. She suits me. There
has bin crater singers & there has bin more
boetiful wimin, but no more fassinatin young
female ever longed for new gown or side
to place her he'd agin vest pattern than
Maria Picklehomony. Fassinatin people is
her best holt. She was born to make hash
of mems buzzums and other wimin mad be-
cawz they ain't Picklehomonies. Her face
sparkles with amuzin cussedness and about
200 1.-TWO hundred) little bit of funny devils air
continually dancin champion jigs in her ey es,
said eyes being brite enuf 10 lite n pipe ty.
How should like to hav little Maria out on
my farm in Baldinsville, Injianny, WHARF
she Good run in the tall grass, wrastle with
the boys, cut up strong at parin bees, max e
up faces behind the minister's hack, tie auc-
ton bills to the schoolmaster's coat tales,
set nli the fellers crazy after her & holler &
kick up, and 90 it jest rs much as she want
ed to! But disgress. Every time she come
canterln out | grew more and more delited
with her. When she bowed her head bow
ed mine. When she larfed larfed. When
she poutid her lips poutid mine. When
she jcrked her head back and took larfn
survey Of the Audience, sendin broadside
of sassy smiles in among EN-, tried to un-
jint myself and kollapse. When in tellin
how she drempt she lived in Marble Halls,
she sed it tckled her more than all the rest
to dream she loved her feller still the same,
when, in the next song, she looked strate at
me and called me her dear, wildly told the
man next to me that he mite hav my close as
shood never want EN- agin no more in this
world.
1.-THE Plain Dealer containin this commu-
nicashun is not to be sent to my famerly in
Baldwpsville under no circumstances what
somever.
In conclushun, Maria, want you to do
well. know you air nice gal at hart &
yu must get a good husband. He emust be a
man of brancs and gumpshun & a good pro-
vider-a man who will luv you strong and
long-a man who will luv yu jest as much in
your old age, when yur voice is cracked like
an old tea kttl' 4 you can't get of your
notes discounted at SO per sent month, as
he will now, when yu are yung and charmin
and full of music, sunshine & fun. Don't
marry snob, Maria. Yu amt n Angel,
Maria, & I'm glad of it. When see angels
in pettycoats Pm always sorry they hain't
got wings so they can quietly fly Off WHARF
they will be appreshiated. Yuair a woman,
and a nifty good one tu. As for Maccerony,
Brignoly, Mullenholler and them other fel-
lers, they can take care of themselves. Old
Mac. kin make comfortable livin chopin
cord wood if his voice ever givs out, & Amo-
do look as tho be mite succeed in conduct
in sum quiet toll gate, where the vtles would
be plenty and the labor lite.
lam preparin for the Summer Campane.
shall stay in Cleveland few days & probly
you will hear from me agin ear lelve to
once moro becum toSser on LIES tempcs-
tuous bllers, mea1in the Show Busines.
Very Respectfully Yours,
ARTEMUS WARD.