davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04
humorous Selections.
WOULDN'T GET MAD.

\
ii'-' 'hi MAJ
Old marry brewer or 'hot-Corn Harry
as he was more iamiliarly know about the
east sac OF town. was Tor many years
SHINING hght IN one oil our African churches
ana was. by long ODDS the most powerful OK
hortet oil me congregation GA Harry was
most undoubtedly good Christian and
proved II by hving up to the precepts he
taugh'' ms extreme gooa nature was pro-
Neroiai' ana many net was lost ana won by
the young men oil Grand street and the Bow
cry IN VAIN attempts TO make Harry lose hls
temper ,'Go way boys go way was his
answer when they played their Wild prenks
upon MN nc good nook says w men any
one Smntes you on one cheek You must tuin
nun ae ODER
Inc nearest approach Harry was ever
Known to make towards losing his temper
was about ten years ago lie had plan
Whereby he preserved his corn perfectly fresh
ana green uli December or January and at
'uu' season ol 'ue year ne "ouia so out ana
make the streets resound with his cry of:
Iiot corn NOT corn ppm hot-lust come
out ae olhn pot and realize handsome
Pron' nom us SAFE
during the year IN question, Harry was I'M
fortunate as his corn decayed and out of a
large quantity ne had put away he only
saNeu enough 10 90 out w'th one or two
nights
IN the carry part OF December Harrys
voice was hea'u IN the bowery' singing his
woll-known song; and in one Of the bar
rooms bet was made that Harry could be
thrown on his guard In few moments,
Harry entered the 6ar-room' and set his buck
ct on inc moor but before he could get
reauy LOT business nc was being pulled
around IN an Sorts oil ways One pulled him
oy the MINISTER'S and another by the coat
TAN and altogether he was made anything
put comfortable But all that could be got
from harry was "oo way, boys go way :!
All attempts to provoke him further failed;
anu as iast resort one oil the young men
took up his pail of corn, and said
Harry I've good notion to throw all
your corn out IN the street
HUSH huSh' SAID Harry, don't talk dat
way Tor you make me feel bad; for if you
ROW my corn III de street now, you most ruin
de ola darkey. Amt had no wood to saw
hardly dis fall and no white-washing. My
we been SICK dis two months, and my corn's
an rotted and am got muffin to pend on,
out inc Lord
ven marry salu ne VINO held the
bucket you have got good hacker, so here
goes the corn and sulting the action to the
wora' he threw the corn into the sewer.
marry looked very sadly after his proper
tyi and as he picked up his empty bucket, he
said
DE Lord will be done " and then start
ca on orlsk trot from the scene of his
temptation, as II resolved not to give way to
the wrath he felt rising within him.
In Elizabeth street, new building was in
the course OF erection, and into the cellar of
TINS building Harry descended, while the
young men, who had followed him, crcpt
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

DuriEs.-Eyery man ought to pay his debts
ii he can. Every man ought to help his
neighbor--if he can Every man and woman
ought to get marred-if they can Every
man should do his work to suit his custom
ers-it he can. Every man should please his
wiie-if he can. Every wife should please
her hnsband-if she can. Every wife should
sometimes hold her tongne--if she can. Every
lawyer should sometimes tell the truth-if he
can. Every man should mind his own bust
ness-if he can; and every woman too Eve
ry one should take a newspaper, and PAY for
it-any how.
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04
lloftru.
THE PRINTER.

ANoNo the ranks Of human kind,
some 20 before. and some behind;
But mind them we'll and YOU will find,
Not hindmosi is the printer.
The lessons which you learned at school
That you might not grow up a fool,
Had an. 10 scientific rule,
Been published by the printer
How do your Presidents and Kings
Govern so many things
dis by the type the screws. the springs
Belonging to the printer.
The farmers and mechanics. too,
Wonld some times scarce know what to do,
Could they not get a certain view
Ofwork done by tho printer.
The doctor cannot meet the crooks
Of al the eases, yin he looks
Upon the pages Of the books
Supplied him by the printer
The lawyer for a wit has passed.
But high as he his head may cast,
lie would be but Ounce at last,
Were j, not for the printer.
Who is it that so neatly tells
The various goods the merchant sells,
Inviting all the beaux and bellcsi
Who is il but the printer
Tho classes Of the human race.
~ different size, II different face,
Appear in this and every place,
How obvious 10 the printer
One sings the bass, one sharps and fats,
Bedecked with pantaloons and hats,
And long tailed coats and smooth cfavats,
Ofthis class is the printer.
The other sings the treble sweet,
Adorned with frocks aud bonnet neat.
Aud look how boauiious and complete,
And lovely to the printer.
lis Iiymen's will, Of course, you know,
These classes should iu couples 20,
And since the world will have it 80,
$50 be Il, says the printer
There's not a man below the skies
Who better understands TO prize
The charms that grace a lady's eyes
Than does this very printer.
Young maidons then, without debate,
'Tis hoped you'll duly estimate,
Before. Ia fact IL is too late.
The valuc.of the printer.
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

willie arc here. and are not used to family
worship, and however needy we are, there is
no time to spare in telling thee our wants.
Amen
The Judge was taken all aback, and so was
Cousin William. They both pressed the old
gentleman to conduct the services in his own
way. which he did, to their great odifcation.
SPIT IN YoUR HAND AND Try AGAIN.
Such has been the encouraging advice given
TO many man who has failed in some at
tempt Its uttorancc calls mp images of the
log cabin in the clearing, with the sturdy pio-
neer choppng away at some giant of the for
est, and stopping "to spit in his hand previous
TO taking few more vigorous strokes, The
phrase recalls story we once heard OF ono Of
the early settlers of Cleaveland. So accus-
toned had he become TO the Ak, and TO the
little peculiarities connected with its use. that
he commenced every task as if about 20 fell a
mighty tree. Whether it were TO roll log or
write letter Ia task not often undertaken
he always spat in his hand before graspng the
lever or clutching the old worn goose quill.
Time passed and our pioneer fell in love and
"made up 20 a buxom lass. Whether his
first OSCILLATION was prefaced by the usual ex-
pectoration we cannot say. but in courcc Of
time the oventiul question was popped, an
swered in the affirmative, and "tho day fixed.
A friend offered to wager dollar with the
happy bridegroom on the eventiul morning
that he would spit in his hand previous to
taking than Of the bride. The wager was in
dignantly taken. The happy party drew up
before the squire. The ceremony proceeded
The bridegroom kept grim watch over him
self and thought of the dollar at stake. At
last the importent moment arrived, and the
squire ordered the bridegroom to take the
hand Of his bride so that the twain might be
made indissolubly one flesh. In the hurry and
excitement Of the awful moment. the BRIDE
groom forgot everything but the terrible blow
be was about to give to all his bachelor habits,
and preparatory to the stroke he of course
spit on his hand As quicl, as lightning the
consequences flashed on his mind, and turning
to his betting supporter he grayely whispered
IN owe you that dollar - Whether the re-
membrane Of that dolor tended to break up
his habit, dcpouent sayeth not.
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

70 John, said clergyman to his man,
lyon should become teetotaler YOU have
been drinking again to-day"
DO you never take drop yourself, meea-
ister 'n
Yes John, but you must look at your cir
cumstances and mine
Very true, sir, says John; hut can you
tell me how the streets Of Jerusalem were kept
so clean;'
mo, John, cannot tell you that"
"Well, sir, it was just because every one
kept his ain door clean"
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04
WHAT THE SKATES DID FOR A
BACHELOR.

CIEbJR.
A country bachelor who has held ont against
thunder and lightning, Niagara, picnic, noon
light and sea-shore thus chronic les his fall
before the skates So
"Woll. sir, this Mary caught the skating
foyer which is now raging so fearfully. heard
her express a wish for pair Of skates. and the
next day she had the best pair that could be
found in the city, and nobody knew who sent
them to her. We went down upon the ice
and there that little devil Of a Mary Just sat
quietly down. ordered me on my knees. and
quietly placed that foot. he foot, in my lap.
and bid me put on her skate Sir had We
nus dropped down from Heaven and bid me
rub her down with rotten stone and oil. il
could not have astonished me more than when
that divine foot was placed in my unworthy
lap. felt very laint-but buckled ON the
skate, and stood mp, with Mary by my side.
Have you ever taught la woman to skate, No;
well, let me tell you. You've seen kaleido-
scope, with few old bits of glass, ect in
tn tube, and turning it, have seen all sorts of
beautiful figures
just imagine Kaleidoscope, and in place Of
beads aud broken glass, please substitute blue
eyes, and curvng eyelashes, lips ivory. wavy
hair, crinoline, gaiter boots. zephyr worsted.
cupid, hearts, darts. clap of thunder, a flash
of lightning, and 'auld Nick Imagine your
self the centre of a system with all these
things revolving round you, and violet bank
breathing sighs upon you all the while. and
you have Mary and her victim in the first skat-
ing lesson. Mary and start-she on my left
arm-all square. First. Mary's dear little
gaiter boots present themselves 10 my aston
ished vision, and before have time to wonder
how they came up before me, feel them pres
sing their blessed beauty, with emphasis. into
the pit of my stomach Next scene-wavy
hair with a thirty dollar bonnet and a divine
head comes pitching into my waistcoat with
such force that | feel the buttons against my
spine.
"NeXt-Mary gazes at me from between
my jack boots, and anon her blessed little nose
is thrust into my shirt bosom. An my friend.
all research and study on the mysterious sub
ject of woman has been comparatively in vain.
till, in this eventiul year Of $50. the fashion
of skating has opened new aud various sources
of information Do you remember your FIRST
attempt at driving tandem DO YOU remember
how that Internal perverse beast that YOU Sc
lected for leader would insist on turning
short round, and staring you in the face, as if
to ask, what the duce you'd be att Well.
just you go and try woman on skates. that S
adjust try it, All won't you come to the
conclusion that women have sundry and divers
ways of accomplishing their objects; Dear
Mary ! offered myself to her every time she
turned up or came round. | am hers
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

A compound remedy, n Which vc have la-
bored 90 produce tho most odectual Alternative
that can hcmldc. concentrated cNtract
Of Para >arapau'a -o combined with other
substance, of stIl greater alternative power AS
Co afford ln cieety, latlot. for tho diseases
Sarapiulla Is reputcd 90 cure. 70 is believed
that such o. remedy is wanted bv tho,s who
suffer from Stutmou, complaints, and that ono
which VII accmuI lsl their care must pfuye
OF immense service 90 this large class OF our
afflicted iol0w-citilms How complctely this
compound viii do it has been proven los cxuer-
iment on many Of the won't cases 20 Dc found
of thr following complaints
ScRprrLA AND Sluorutous CoMrrAtvrs,
ERurrIoNs ASn ERUrrNE DsEAsEs, ULeuus,
PWrlEs. BLorcHHs, IUNoRs. SALT Ruuru
ScALD HAD. SYrnus AND SYrmluic Ar
rEcuoNs, MuHcrHIAL DisIAsH, DuorsY. Ntc-
MlGh on Tic DuuLounEux. pEmLiu. DIS
PERSIA ANn lNulomuoN, EuysrirAs. Rl,r
on ST. ANrHuNY's Pms. and Indeed tho whole
class Of complaints arising from lMrunIry or
TINE Bloom
Ih. compound win De found great proc
motor ai health, when taken 300 the -puug, 20
cNpe che foul hmors which foster m the
blood 100 that season of the year. By the time
ly cNUui-,nu of them mlny ranking disorders
are mppcl boz the bud. Mllutudcl cam. hv
the aid OF th!s remedy spare thm,clvc, imm
the ldurmDc % foul eruUt1n- and ul. uus
solc. through which the .y.fcm win strive Oh
rid itself OF c1uupdon-, it NOT assisted 90 do
tins through ihc natural channels %. thu lolv
hy 900 Alternative medicine. Cialn.r 900. fle
Initiated blood whenever you find It's impurities
bursting through the skin in pmplrs. ernptns,
or sores cleanse IL when Won find 30 J.. OBJ
structod and sluggish IN the veins; cleanse 10
whenever 10 is foul, and your icoiinIs will tcll
You when. Even where no particular disorder
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04
litrrarp Fnstitutjons.
n ORTHFI INSTITUTION
~ NORTIlFIELD. VI.


Assisted By able and efficient Teachers
will be the constant aim Of the Teachers TO form in
every student habits Of sorcauoe and thorough perso-
Nttng study Every effort will be made TO render the
sohoo pleasant go The student and worthy Of the conf
uchoe anu liberal patronage Of the public Rare facilities
ay9neicli for the study Of French, German and Italian
TERM, Feb 23d, 1859; suMMEn THRM. NAV Ism. is5o
PAIL TERN. Sept. 7th 1850 III
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

RAkkh ACADEMY. - Spring Term be-
, gins Feb. N. 1859. Summer Term 6enins Nav 10
lSo9' Fan Term begins Sept !, 1859
90 Inc Board Of Instruction consists Of six permanent
eaehers Ihe facilities for pursuing Classical or Eng-
hsh course Of study. are superior.
Board Sl.Sj per week
Barre, Jan. rs, 1850. 376o F"'
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04
JrmrIru 4 Ganru GOODS.

NoSrrrfyrn w.
eD..r q g.
.JIWIllU y DdQCU VI000S.
mum rnn>,rn
- L
e0A
Y+ e4 ~. - phiauo,.
NN5oe,A ~ Late phinnev a. Neadl
NEE Hf6iiE YIN
Watches, Jewelry q Silver Ware,
ever offered in Vermont and wishes i, understood that
he can and will sell any kind Of goods in his line
cnIn ,,,n c,, , vy"S'' -, ,', ,,r"r
UOI'D hND on |Gh Nd CHES,
Go5 Cae Fi a1 ion' ,n 1 P, rhe
DJN-o ~ an ,pnuo Dp,I,T ,,,re
AANN' ran DHOfo a. bAdCHLE 4 =.
g.,
II g J. = y II =
large stock Of Sterling Silver Spoons and Forks Of the
latest and mostdesiraoe patterns, and Of quality, finish
and price that cannot be beat
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

JNABLE CUTLERY.-A large lot of the
I best TABLE CUTLERY just received by
Oct "a, 1907. 4. G.. EMERY.
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

Wholesale by j. NJ. HREly, Waterbury.
L. !. Pierce and s. p. Redfeld, Montpelier Geo.
Nichols, NJ, D., NJ. S. Adams q Co. and A. o. Smith,
Northheldi f. Perry, Cabot and by all dealers in med
icine EVERYWHERE
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

- A + T. f O r SAL T. .-
- At bargain
June D. 1858, sr0RBS d FULLER.
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04

DIAPER HANGINGS.-l0.O 600 rolls of the
best STYLES at cost by j. G.. EMERY
Oct ~. 1851
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1859-03-04
rice Is cent. per Bozi Foxes for $500,

Great numbers Of Clergymcn. Physicians, States
men, and eminent personapcs, have lent their
names 10 certify the unparalleled usefulness Of these
remedies, but our space here viii not permit the
insertion of them. Tho Agents below named fur
nish gratis our AMERICAN ALMANAC in which they
are given; with also full descriptions Of the above
complaints and the treatment that should be fol-
lowed for their cure.
Do not be put OF 10y unprincipcd dealers with
other preparations they make more profit on.
Demand AYERs, and take mo- OILERS The sick
want the best aid there Is 70, hom and they should
have il.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1859-05-28
NEW BOOKS.

New work by Rev. y. ~. IngYahau!
EISHE PILLAR OF FIRE, OR ISRAEL IN BoKDAes.
l By the author of tThe Prince Of the House Of
David" being an account Of the wonderful scenes
In the life Of the Of Pharaoh's daughter, mo
ses } from his youth to the ascent Of Sinai; COM
prsing, Is by an eye witness, his miracles before
Pharaoh, the Passage of the Red Sea- End to re-
ceptisn Of the Law on Mount Sinai containing On
elaborate and richly colorcd description Of the
architecture Of the Egyptians, their manner and
Gus toms In peace and war, in the temple the fami
y, the mart, and at the tomb and also Of the Is
raelites, while In the land OF bondage; together
with picturesque sketches Of tho Hebrews uAder
their task-masters, Of scenes, PROFESSIONS, and
spectacles upon and beside the Nile and legends OF
the 0belsks. Sphinxes, and Pyramids, and Ut their
founders before the Flood delineations OF beauti
and Of Wonderful men, Of Aaron, the Prince Of Ux
(Job,) and Rsneses Moses); narrated in series sf
Letters from Syrian Prince travelling in Egypt,
to his royal mother, Queen Of Tyre. The volume
Abounds in characteristic passages OF highly
wrought beauty in dramatic incident and in ornate
descriptions Of female loveliness.
For sale by OGDEN, BR0WNELL CO.,
may10d 81 Main at.
| Im . OVEN nI the order OF the Day.
N the mHnufacturc Of Boots and Shoes there il
L room for great improvement. Up TO this time
most II not all custom shops have made their work
by guess or what 10 little kstter the cutter must
| by the rye aided by experience, and without any
i unvurying criterion. Thousands Of dollars Art
wasted annually BY this"guess rule, and custom.
ers all the ~ masters, having what is spoiled ~
| we'll ~ what 10 worn, to pay for.
1t Ia time people were looking to their interests
| in this particular.
StIl,s Cutting scales are perfact gaur
antee against loss from this source, and l am de
termined my customers shall have the benefit Of m
advantage in their use, for proof OF which / in
vite an exam4n nation OK my stock in comparison O
that Of others. The saving in stock shall be mad
up in quality.
Besides thesuperior advantages in getting up Gus
tom work, my stock Of Eastern Goods is superior
best varieties. b. A. DUKE,
msyI4d 6S Main-et
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1859-05-28
- - N
NOTICE.

n Samuel Dunlap, Thomas Dunlap, Edward U'
Pyle, fsrssl TcnnisS William Timbsrman, \. ,.
MANY, o, il Cox, Ana Vt. 3. Waller;
You AxA hAxAhy noti6ad that on er psa ...v sno
18Th dAx 81 January, A. lssV pe.a. ~ an -
Chanesry d Amos a. Brown win be placed on me
County ' IL s cisy 4 Rssasi, el.,nias
against you the foreclosure Of . mortgage q cate
~ July 1857, given BY the said banuei DsnssP
o1 Lots number one, two, three and six ~ Diock
o1s A1ndrsd and forty-two, and Lots mum per sev-
ens Sioht and nine In Block hundred and seven
49, n.fas City OF Keoksk aferesAid, Nlth con
sorI a2tss "a Is date lst January, 1857, given ~
s 81 csm1el Dunlap and each Endorsed " said
XII - salsP, coming due and payable 70 the
$1,000 dus 80 ysG -ffon aaAs, amount e16o
80 Ases - I've years from date, amount 760
- - - ~ shsss Tsass from data, amount 7bo
VA Hote one xoaf years from date, amount 760
Ah bs1Fing = Per cont. intersst. And also the
aese:.sss q dAie Feb. /. 1851. du. / ys.r from
@. ~ y da.s rts. |, 1sss, a.. y..r from
on. s.s II dsss T.s. l, 1857, -. ysas from.
date, $50. 68
o.e note Of data Feb. !, 1857. dss years from
dsts, tY5e. ~ kEs ss
Several Of which notes are past due and All Of
81 them remain unpAid and unlsss ron appear In
said snit On a bsfos The ssecad day u tho special
term (oommsneing on the fourth Monday Of Jane,
1850 Of said Court and Ale your answer 70 said
petitions Adesrss 81 fsrsclssnIs viii 10 rendered
against yon hI confession.
Attorseys for Plaintiff.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1859-05-28

Lcgas Notice.
To James l.. Estes and Amanda Estea his wife, I'd
ward I. W icksrshAm, "A. L. Dpnisg, John l..
Antrim, Charles Mason, Love, Bryan, Adams 4
! Co., r N. Wright, Arthur Walcott, aud iniam
Z Leighton:
NOU are hereby notified that there II SOW on GLE
i in the Office OF the Clerk Of the District Court
of Lee County, lows; IT Ksokak, petition Of John
Olive claiming Of the said James L. Estes the sum
Of one thousand dollars - money due on pr mis-
sorry note also claiming against oil Of you the fore
,closnre Of = mortgage executed by the said James
L. Estes and Amanda Estes his wife, dated Octo-
Der -, 1851, and conveying the following real e.
tate, In which the other datebdants have or claim
10 have some interest, to Wit +: Wsst 4 Of south
east OF section 3, township 65, range 5; the east
VI south west Of section s, township o., range
81 southwest Of section 10, township IS, range 5;
the south-east Of section 10, township 50, range
west also lots and 8, block 81, in Keokxk ;also
half Of lot adjoining lot s, block 70, Kcokuk-
III in the County Of Lac and State Of Iowa. Now
unless you appear and answsr said petition on Of
before the morning Of the second day Of the spscia
tsrm Of said District Court, commencing on the lth
Monday in June, 1859, Judgment and dsores viii
be rendered against you aceordiRg % tho prayer Of
said petition, and sad real estats win be sold 70 sat
sy said debt and all the interest of ali the defen
danh thsrsin will becut OF and forever extingish
ed and barred.
McCRARY 4 BRUCE,
May Z, 1S5o-d Att'ys Tor Plt'ds.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1859-05-28

Peach, Plum and Cherry Trees, either otandard or
Dwarf, Grape Roots or CnttinEs Currant, Coos
berry, Raspberry and Black berry bushes, together
with Evergreens and Ornamental Shrubbsry, vii,
receive prompt and faithful attention.
Trees deliveredln any part Of the City free Of
chsrge.
Nursery Grounds in the Western part Of the
City, on Des Moincs Avenue.
o 0sla at g. O. HILTON,
8ifQf a Late Hubbell 4 HiltoA.)
Ksokuk, Sept.6, 1856-dAw
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1859-05-28
Legal Notice.

To John w. Moore ct. nj. defendants
VoU are hereby respectively notified that there
L is now on file in the Clerks Office Of the Dis
trict Court, Lee county, Iowa, at Keokuk, petit
tion OF d. W. kilbourne, claiming . decree and
judgment against John W. Moore for two hundred
seventy-one and 40-l00 dollars, with 10 per cent.
interest, AZ balance of purchase money lot ten
block eight, in kilbourne's addition, to the city
of Keokuk, Lee county, Iowa, and the fore
closure Of mortgage on said lot, given by said
Moore to said kiIboarne praying for the sale Of
said lot, the extinguishment of all equity of re-
demption, and for general relief - against all de-
PENDANTS.
Now you are hereby notified 10 answer said petit
tion the second day Of the next special term OF
said Court to be held ut Keokuk the 9Th w ednes-
day of June next, 1859, or decree and judgment
will be had therein against you by default accord
ing to law. II. SCOTT HOWELL,
may lod i Sol. for Petitioner.