The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-04-28
RAVENNA, THURSDAY. APRIL 49, 1859.

geant's relatives. They responded, and, by
means Of the post Office and reduced rates Of
postage, the pipe of peace was smoked. Each
took a Whit (per letter. the hatchet was
buried, so deep that I, the byena, couldn't
dig it up.
One afternoon | came home late. I felt |
unusually happy. Ihad promised my wife
a visit to the opera, and had secured the
seats, borrowed On opera glass, purchased
the libretto, and presented her with an opera
cloak, magnificent in appearance but eco
nor,ical in cost. As opened the door,
J faintness came over me, for saw a strange
| trunk, a carpet bag stuffed like Christmas
turkey, and sundry portly bandboxes in the
passage. Shade Of the departed sergeant Of
j the marines what did it mean! heard
: voices. summed up courage, and, like
e culprit advancing TO meet his doom upon the
!, gaIlows, I entered the parlor. Strange fa-
ces and more strange baggage. including
e two or three noisy, romping youngsters, male
J. and female. On the sofa sat two vinegar.
= visaged old women. Il cream-faced fence.
It rail Of girl, who looked like the ghost of
j. galloping consumption, stood bolt upright
l. before the glass. A dumpy, fat, bull.necked
r being, OF the male gender, sat in the easy
o chair-my easy chair 4!
:. could have dropped through the floor. !
1t would have dropped through il there had
o been any visible natural method available
r, AS it was l stared in speechleSs amaze.
!; ment.
e "Timon," exclaimed my wife, running up
ID to me, and leading me ont into the passage,
D. "I'm so glad you're here" felt like an
J. automaton, mere thing, an animated mita'
= ton of something to be. couldn't believe
n that I, Timon, was Timon. looked at her
it and replied not. She ratified on, though moi
i'd loudly, "Oh, Timon, they've come, couldn't
s. refuse them. They're not going to stay long
- only day or two, just visit, flying visit
i'd and-and they shan't trouble you you know
d. come in now and Pll introduce you" Ant
It. she did introduce me.
c. "My brother-in.law, brother Of my frs
a husband, John Jawkins. My cousin," thi
in was the fence rail, "Miss Doppledab Mrs
Id Ballybang. my aunt. My other cousin, Mrs
,e Lopero."
a Gracious Heavens and all OF them from
d, the country, with country appetites. The
ty two or three young resatives, even then were
o. yammeriDg and winning for something to
he eat. The climax of horror, of appalling dis
lis moy came. My wife had the unbushng ef
of lrontery to ask me whether | could affor
ID. to take them to the opera with us Suppe
rs was announced and the brother of the de
he ceased marine ate like cannibaI. The tw
al vinegar visaged cousins boted down every
rs thing within reach excep: the dishes. The
r. would have gulped down the cups end sau
d. GERS if these articles had been diges,ible.-
Mt The two or thre urchins made way with
th quart Of molasses and two loaves of bread.
,ut / grew frantic. Bed time arrived, and
N, was asked to sleep on the sofa in my clothe
ce so that the fence rail virgin could rest hi
as wedry limbs in my bed. The hired girl wi
in obliged 10 suecumb and repose upon fol
aw chairs in the kitchen. The trunks aud ban'
Tor boxes were carried up stairs.
.ce Those relations remained six weeks, ar
m. they had scarcely departed, and l had scarce
nv ly began to recover my reason. when to m
unspeakabe terror, seven more relatives a
The peared, three at one time, and four win
, o twenty four hours afterwards. | saw tn
to nv fate was sealed. My wife became Gro
If and careless to me-. retuliated by gettir
or gloriously fuddled and coming home one
ce. ternoon in that condition, commenced oper
the tions by ordering the entire troupe off Il
Of premises. gave them till dark to get rea
g. for the vamose. They left, and the ne
led day so did Mrs. Timon number three in
,eir tremendous rage and cab, both of viii
cost me something. Mrs. Timon instigute
in aided and abetted by these cormorant rel
fec. tions, sued for divorce on the ground OF
vile treatment filed counter plea her Io
ow. yers conferred with my lawyers finally s
rted withdrew her complaint upon condition tn
ella l would pay all expenses, which did, a
eed obtaining decree Of divorce upon my 81
ub. I was once more free.
be. To my fourth wife have only been mi
She ried ten days. The joys of my present
g. are marred by that awful presentiment I'll
It of ere many weeks have elapsed my old mise
and will come back.
one am fain to believe that when man g
mad married he had better make up his mind
the marry his wife's entire family, commencl
with her father and winding up with ct
,ife. pie of dozen country cousins. One thl
man there is no doubt, he will be compelled eve
for tually to support, at the least, two thirds
she his wife's blood relatives, OF else follow
ting sad example and go in for the divorce prI
with ciple.
More divorces ate brought about by tht
here ostriches, those cormorants, the relatlV
dim, than BY all other causes combined Y"
h Of man who claims to be man will submit
4; O have his home turned into bedlam,
dis dead head boarding house for the sake
,e Of lot of half. starved relatives, most of VIII
.llorI,, md of the female gender,