The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1859-11-29

ness OF needles, 'it's very strange, you can
always find money for Hat Mr.. Jones, but
whenever | want some, you never have
any.
Mr.. Jones address is mystery. 1t is
in some chambers in some Inn, somewhere
near the temple, in the neighborhood of
lIolburn, but tho wifo cannot rccollcct
where. Once, when her husband had
been absent all night, she started to see if
she could make it out, but came back sore
at heart, quite disappointed. On her re.
turn, she found her husband at home quite
sprightIy-he had been up in balloon
with Jones-had been carried away some
fifty miles in tho country-landcd in n
swamp-and it WIS very provoking TO be
sulc-;here WAS no means of coming up
to town that night. The trip would have
been delightful if il hadn't raincd. How
ever, Jones never was so brilliant-he
docsn', know what he should have done
without him.
Occasionally MIR. Jones exceeds himself
and if ihora 80 Ioud KnU,hino in the
middle Of TIE night, it is bccausc-'plcasc
Mr.. Jones complimentary he wishes to
know if Master would mind stepping down
to Vine stIoet to BAH him."
Jones correspondence is very extensive.
Whenever mjgaon little letter arrives,
almost small enough to put into pill box,
it is always from Jones' and the contents
of it are general Of that sweet nature that
the husband is obliged to retire up to he
window pane to read it, 81 is strange
(says the wife, swallowing cup of hot
tea, but forgetting the heat Of it in her
own ragc,) exceedingly strange, that you
and that Mr.. Jones should have so many
secrets"
Jones has quite schoolgirls appetite
for amusomenls. lie is positively ,ora.
cious, and swallows almost anything
How cften has the husLau left Lis warm
fircside Of an evening to - and meet Jones
at the play! ic'Il not be latc--but lie is
and it it the fault Of that stupid Jones
he would stop and see the ballet.
Can YOU wonder therefore at the strange
antipathy created ia Il wle's breast against
this unknown disturbor Of her peace and
comfort Of her family! or at her breaking
out, each time he crosses her household ar
rangcmcnts, in some loud anthoma against
that Mr. Jones. inl fairly wishing at times
that he was dead: Who, pray, would
have sufficient weakness to lear uncom.
plainingly, without pinch Of the lip,
without n stamp Of tic feet, constant in.
roads OF secret foe like this9 a foe that
is always waiting round the corner, appa.
rontly to pouncc upon your husband TO &c
ducc him far away from home. Patient
Grisolda, helself, would raise herself in re
bcllion against such ceasclcss, worrying at.
tacks.
But there are some disbclisying minds
who do net hesitate to say that Mt Jones
has no corporeal being-no address at all
in this world, no locus STUNT, whatcyer.-
They declare he has 70 thick, clumsy fin
Q rs 10 write petty letters with--no drum
ken body TO be locked up all night. They
he is entirely myth, that never
existed anywhere but in the husbands
own imagination ana that he is kept Il
way as a convenient stalking horse that he
can always order round 20 the door rs often
rs h. wishes to go ou', or upon whose back
he can leap TO carry him home safe when
ever it happens to be rather late. They
moreover, very plainly insinuaCc, that il
the wife would only have the courage to
invite her inviSiii emery to tho house.
the fallucy Of his dacc,.ul existence would
very soon explode, and that the ghost tLat
So long had haunted her house, would very
quickly be laid never to prosecute her
gain.
We cannot for moment credit these
fabrications, or lend ourselves
weakly to any supposition. carrying so
much absurlity on the face of 1t, that there
ale to be found husbands who would be
basely gully Of such fraudulent practices.
It's against all scnso-agairst all probabil-
ity. On the contrary; we firmly believe,
that IN every house there exists Mr..
Jones Of some kind or othcr-and, further,
that this monster, by his bcar,hncss, his
brutal aggrcssions, and nnceasing provica.
tions, his filthy tricks, tobacco, and STRAIT
agems, freely deserves from the ladies Of
the establishment bis ingloriou5 designa.
tion of That Mr.. JoNEs.