Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-01-21
WIT AND HUM0R.

Mynheer Drirk-noff makes . distinction
thus sToo much whiskey is too much; but
too much lager bier is shoost right"
A man was asked what kind of a girl he
preferred tor a wife. He replied: Gone
that is not prodi gal, but frugal, and q
true. gal, and one that suited his conju gal
state"
ssTommy, my son." said fond mother,
ing2' eyes, that is nights; tut any smart
boy can take care Of himself in the day
time" g
A person was remarking the other day
how very cheap everything had got. MOT
evervthing. replied a friend. CIV by, what
has no, =" "Women!'' ooh, forgot, wo-
men are aiSays dear" !" .s..
A father winding up his watch, said play
trllv 70 HIS little g,rl-"Let me wind up
vour nose - .sNo," said the child,''I don't
wan,t nv nose wound up, for don't want
it to run all day.
i hov at n crossing having begged some
thing az gentleman, the latter told him he
vou]d give him something as he came back.
The boy replied, "Your hoh"r womb o1
surprised if ynu knew how much mcney
lose by giving credit in that way"
An editor in Kansas says that the ,,ubli-
cation of his paper will be suspended for SIX
weeks. in order that he may visit St Louis
with load of bear. skins, hoOp-poles, shin
giles, oak bark, picked catfish, &c., which he
has taken for subscription. He is bound to
raise the ''soap' on them. ..s
GolNa PRErrY FAsr.-An old man and
his son, neither of them very well informed
as to railroads and their uses, chanced one
day to be working in the field near the rail
road track. Railroads were q novel insiitu-
ton with them and when q train of cars
shot by, thought was suggested to the lad,
who said to his parent: dad, why don't
Won take ride in the cars some day!'
"Take ride in the cars some day why
hain't got time my SON." s'Got time l.
Thunde.! Yer can go anywhere in the cars
quicker than you can stay at home - Dads
reply is not on record. 2
SCENE IN SCHOOL Room. Mistress
urome here. Ges .rge, l wish to examine you
,.,...uatiop. T., What's that 2"
ao,oe-..", that Ahat's a comma"
I;s,rsss-.R;oh,.. now what's thatf
aeorge-"Ah! DOW yUHc>ve got me -" ~ : :
my hairs short; I dunno"
Mistress-9George, ! do not wish YOU 10
use any slang phrases here. When you ar
unable to give correct replies say so, but do
not repeat such phrases ae that WHICH you
have Just used, Now. what's that" s5
George--''I Dunno"
Mistress-ffDon't know what that is? why
thst's PERIOD" =.
George-(Looking critically at the point
In question. "IIa! Ha H.! Now have
got vou where your hairs short, that a'int
nuthia' only a fig speckH'
Mistress lRe-examining criticaliy)-
f'George, you are dismissed"
TAKE Two OF THEA.--A bashful youth
who lives not thousand miles from this
CITY, was aging marked attentions to a
beautiful yonng lady, who rejoices in the PCS,
session of en- interesting niece, about slx
yesrs old. The other evening he was en-.
ioying social chat with the young lady
ysinly endeavoring to nerve hlmselt to ask
the terrible question, when the little niece
entered the room. bright thought struck
him; taking her upon his knee he asked in
nuivering y, ice, ''Fnnny dear, are you Willing
1hatI siiot,ld have your aunt tor my own
viii give you Ave hundred dollars tor her
"Oh! yes 7" said the little thing, clappinl
her hands in great glee; '"but HADN'T yo'
better give ms thousand dollars, and tax
tvp Of then, 2, 1t is needless to add tha
tlls.little fairy's answer overcame all res
ssraipt, and the happy day is 6xed: Littl
Ranpy il nov 2 great faYeFl'e WITH Dssnns bette 9
tHeWs tse ~fss sssT T&e s5$ xAsss