The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1859-07-23
phunnygraphs.

TuB ,REroEr PiQuANT,-Drs Curtcs, the
pbilnSapApn. ou being Tested 10y q certain
marquis tor indulging himself in the luxurics
oFthp1abh, fCphcd1 "What! sir, do you sup
pose tkhl Proyide,ico sent good things only
for fouiEP"lo '>,-,s,
Tnr 1lIaunr or CooLNrss,-The top Of
Mont Blanc,
A pine. like quack medicine, is worth
nothing unless it is puIcd.
A good story is told OF q grave ctyiHe cu
Cape Cod, not long since, who awokc irom "a
comfortable nap !u,liis chair, and dl-o"'e''"
his amiablu hclpmate in the performance "i
m act for which Governor Marcy once made
a charge of fifty cents 10 the stalc-in other
words, mcndiug his pantaloons lnSPlrau
with love Of fun, which seldom affected him,
he inquired, "Why are you, my dear, like the
evil adversary spoken Of IN Scripture = Ol
course she was unable to discover any rescm-
blnncc "Bccau,e," said he, "whic the hus'
6dndman slept, you sorcd the tdres =
Abcrncthy wcntwith friend to the play.
The latter proposed taking seats near the
orchestra. "Oh, no." said the doctor,~"f
have q slight cold, and doubt the propricty
of sitting near those wind instruments.
A short time ago the following notice was
stuck up at q tailor's window, near Mnnchcs-
ter, "Wanted, ttoo apprentices they will be
treated as one of the family"
We notice scores Of poetical cfr,ions direct
ed to friends who are in Heaven Better
give poetry of the heart utterance in words
and deeds of kindness to friends upon earth
"Now do take this medicine, wife, and I'll
be hanged if il doesn't cure you.'-"Oh, /
will take il, then, by all means, for it is sure
TO do good one way or the other
SCENE IN A WESTERN COURT ROOM
Ipnhr Western town-so they tell me the tale
A shnnty served both for stable and lail
The Judge OF the courts was man without guile,
Who carved up his justice in pretty good style,
The fact, notwithstanding, whch can I be denied,
That he had the misfortune ofbcing cress,cycd'
Ia certain tough case he was charging the jury,
And working himself into eloquent fury,
when u voice in rough and boistcrors strain, go
Shouted "Go il. old pimlct eyes hit him again -
'who was that ?" roarcd the judge rather ncttlcd
doubt,
The judge struck his fist on >thc judicial table;
! Here sheriff" said he C'put that moss IN the
stabc!'
An exchange saws the best cure for palpi-
tation of the heart, is to leave oil hugging
and kissing the girls. II this is the only
remedy that can he produced, 1--WE for one'
say, let 'er palpitate "
>A>farkey's instructions for putting on a
coat were "Fust de right arm, den de 'icS
and den glib one general conwulshun.
"HE DosN'T TAKE THE PAPER"
The man that doth no paper take,
Grudging two dollars once year,
VIII never n good husband make,
Because his wife never know what rs going
on in the tworld and his children will
very ignorant appear.
The last line is rather long for good jim
gle, but the moral is sublime.
A "swell in drawing room wanting his
servant, called out "Whcrc is that blockhead
Of mine ?" james Kenny celebrated Lon
don wit, and the author ofa thousand clever
mots, replied-"On your shoulders, sir"
THE USE or kILMARNoCk TRACTS. MIR.
Robert Kettle, of Glasgow, having left some
tracts at the house of friend, he found them
on calling a few days after, serving the pur-
pose of paper curls to one of the young la
dies. "Wel," said he, 81 see you made use
of the tracts onlY ye hae put them on the
wrong side o. your head, lassic"
POETRY AND PRosE.-"Sce, nurse" ex-
claimed pnpa, as a smile irraduted the face
Of his infant "an angel is whispering 10 it :"
mo, SIR" replied nurse, "t is only the
ind on It's little stomach"
B, The rules uf war. 1t is death TO stop
cannon ball remarks Prenucc.