Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-03-12
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

"A boot;Jack, like a sore finger, has
to be healed
"A pipe, like euack medicine, is
nothing till it's puffed.
! FAMILY BATH FOR THF WINTER
Getting into daily shot water'' with your
wife.
"A jealous husband threatened to
chastize the ''evening STAR for blinking
at his wife.
Why is muff like a fool? Be-
cause it holds a lady's hand without
squeezing it.
"A wag wrote over the door of
school house, "Ths New England acha:
ling institution"
The individual who "stood on his
own responsibility, is to be indicted for
mansiaug ughter.
"A perfumer would make a good
editor, because he is accustomed to ma
king "elegant extracts"
You seem TO walk more erect than
usual, friend" eyes, I have been
Strengthened by circumstances
No poultice has ever been discov-
cred to draw ont a mans virtues so full
ly as the sod which covers his grave.
-scolding, says good-for- nothing
old bachelor, is the pepper of matrimo-
ny, and the ladies are the pepper box
eS.
Money in your purse will credit
you-wisdom in your head adorn you
but both in your necessity will serve
you.
During the present century, two
hundred and fifty thousand patents for
inventions have been granted in Eng
land.
Why is a fashionable lady like
rigid economist? Because she makes
great deal of hustle about little
waist.
Whoever is honest; generous, cour-
teous and candid, is a gentleman,
whether he is learned or unlearned, rich
or poor.
Some writer's says that the word
"would," in Rufus Choate's hand writ
ing, resemble a small gridiron struck by
lightning.
What is the difference between a
good soldier and fashionable lady p
One faces the powder, and the other
powders the face.
Some libelous fellow says that a
woman's heart is the sweetest thing in
the world-in fact, perfect honey
comb, full Of sells.
--Emily-"Shall you dress much this
evening dear?''
Lilian-"No; as little as possible-I
am going to ball"
"A Cincinnati paper --"Rogues
find no quarters here" Very likely
they might search the pockets in half
the city and find none.
At a concert recently, at the con-
clusion Of the song, "There's Good
Time Coming" farmer rose and said,
''Mister, couldn't you fix the date ?''
In Bangor, Maine, during the cold
snap as we learn from local journal,
the noise of nails drawn out by intense
frost, resembled the discharge of fire
arms.
Take the peace makers part in de-
batting. 1t is frequently the best end of
the strlng-not always SO, however,
1t would not have worked SO well in
the '76.
A roasted onion bound on the wrist
oyer the pulse, will relieve the most in
veterate toothaohe in few minutes
The remedy is simple one and is worth
trying. Remember it.
Somebody iyertises for agents to
sell a work entitled, Hvmenial Instruc-
tor. The best instructor we know of
is young widow. What she don't
know there is no use in learning.
1t may be well for housekeepers to
bear in mind, that tablespoonful of
molasses stirred into the batter, makes
buckwheat cakes brown nicely, and
helps to keep them from sticking to the
griddle.
-"Sir, do you mean to say [ speak
falsely" said person to French gen
tleman.
'sNo sare, say not dat; but sar,
say you walk round the truth very
much"
-"Mr-, want to buy shillings
worth Of hay"
"very well you can have it. Is it
for your father ?"
"No 'taint. It's for the hoss, Dad
don't eat hay"