The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1859-09-23
Divorced by Mistake.


One winter there came to Trenton,
New Jersey, two men, named Smith and
Jones, who had both of them designs
on the Legislature. Jones had bad wife
and was in love with a pretty woman
he wished to be divorced from his bad
wife, SO that he might marry the pretty
woman, who, by the way was widow,
with black-eyes, and such forml There
fore Jones came to Trenton for divorce.
Smith had good wife, good as an an
gel, and the mother of ten children, and
Smith did not want to be divorced, but
did want to get charter for turnpike
or plank-road, to extend from Pigs Run
to Terrapin Hollw.
Well, they, with these different errands,
came to Trenton, and addressed the as
sembled wisdom with the usual argu-
ments. First suppers mainly composed
of oysters with rich background of veni-
son; second, liquors in great plenty, from
Jersey lightning which is kind of To-
comotive at full speed, reduced to liquor
shape--to New-wark champagne.
To speak in plain prose, the divorce
man gave achampagne supper, and Smith,
the turnpike man, followed with cham
payne breakfast, under the modifying
influence of which the assembled wisdom
passed both the divorce and turnpike
bills; and Jones and Smith, copy Of
each bill in their pockets-went rejoic-
ing home, over miles of sand, and
through the tribulation of many stage
coaches.
Smith arrived home in.the evening,
and as he sat down in his parlor, his pret-
ty wife beside him-how pretty she did
looki-and five of her children overhear-
ing the other five studying their lessons
in the corner of the room, Smith was in
dueed to expatiate upon the good results
of his mission to Trenton.
Turnpike my dear; am one of the
directors and will be President. 1t will
set me up, love; we can send our chill
dren to the boarding school, and live in
syle out of the toll. Here is the char
ter, honey
Let me see it, said the pretty little
wife, who was one of the incest of wives,
with plumpness and goodness dimpling
all over her face, let me see it, as she
leaned over Smiths shoulder.
But all at once Smiths visage grew
long; Smiths wife's vissage grew black
Smith was not profane, but now he rip
ped out an awful oath.
Blast us, wife, those Internal scoun-
drels at Trenton have gone and divorced
us"
1t was too true; the parchment which
he held was bill of divorce, in which
the names of Smith and Smiths wife ap.
peared in frightfully legible letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the cor.
ner of her apron.
Here's turnpike she said sadly, and
with the whole of our ten children star
ing me in the face, | amt your wife =
Here's a turnpike
Blast the pike and the Legislature
and
Well, the fact is that Smith, reduced to
single blessedness, enacted into a stran-
ger to his own wife, swore awfully. AL
though the night was dark, and most Of
the denizens of Smiths town had gone
to bed, Smith bid his late wife to put on
her bonnet, and arm in arm they proceed.
ed to the clergyman of their church.
Goodness, bless mel exclaimed the
good maa as he saw them enter. Smith
looking like the last ofa June shad, Smiths
wife wiping her eyes with the corner OF
her apron-'Goodness, bless me, whats
the matter?"
The matter, is, want you to marry Us
two right off, replied Smith.
Marry youv calculated the clergyman
with expanded fingers and awful eyes
ARE you drunk, or what is the matter
with your
However, he finally married them ovel
straightway and would not take a fee; the
fact is, grave as he was, he was dying tc
be alone that he might give vent to &
suppressed laugh that was shaking hin
all over; and Smith and Smiths wifi,
went joyfully home and kissed every one
of their children. The little Smiths nev
er knew that their father and mother hao
ever been made strangers to each othel
by legislative enactment.
| Meanwhile, and on the same night
Jones returned to his native town-Bur
lington, believe-and sought at one,
the fine black eyes which he had hopec
shortly to call his own. The pretty wild
ow sat on the sofa, white kerchief tieS
carefully about her round white throat
her black hair laid in silky waves agains
each rosy cheek,
Divorce, is the word cried Jones
playfully patting her double chin; th
fact is, Eliza, I'm RID of that cursed wo
man, and you and I'll be married t,
night. | know how to manage thos
scoundrels at Trenton. A champaign
superior was it at breakfast did tn
business for them. Put on your bonne
and let us go to the preachers at once
dearest.
The widow, who was among widows a
peaches among apples, put on her bonne
and took Jones arm, and
Just look how handsome it is put oil
parchment! cried Jones, pulling out tn
document before her; here's the law tina
says Jacob Jones and Ann Caroline Jone
are two
| p,,tt;na bar nln,np clovad hand ON n;