Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1859-07-04
THE GAZETTE.
MONDAY MORNING, JULY 4. 1859.

A WIfgi IN ECSrACY AND \ liz >BAND IN
FIpGETs.-The deed is accomplished. My
wife has got piano, land nov, farewell the
trana lm,nd--larewe content, and the even
ing papers and the big cigars chat make am
bitiOn yirtue-Oh, farewell. Aud Oh w NOR
tai engines, whose rude Threats the lmn"rtai
Joye's dread clamors countertet; but Stop
| can't bid them farewell, for one OF them
has Just arrived. 1t came on dray' DIX
men carried it into the paIlor. ana ~ eruhted
awfully. 1t weighs ton, shines IKE MIR
TOR, and has carved CupidS climbing up Its
limbs. Aud such lungs-whew! My wife
has commenced to practice, and the hrSt time
she touched the machine, thought We Were
in the midst OF a thunder storm, and the light
ming had struck the erockery chest. The
cat with tail erect, took IA bee line Tor par
tcular friend upon the back fence, demolish-
ing shilling pane OF glass. The baby
awoke, and the little fellow tried his best u
beat the instrument, but he didn't d" 1t. 1t
beat him. 4 teacher has been introduced III
to the house. lie says he Is the last ot Ma
poleon's grand army. lie wears huge
moustache, looks at me hercely, smells "t gar
lie, and goes by the name OF Count Runaway
and-neyer-cOme- back again-by. lie played
au extract de opera the other night lie ran
his fingers through his hair twice, then grin
ned, then he cooked his eyes up at the ceiling,
like monkey hunting flies. then down came
one of his fingers, and l heard dellghtiul
sound, similar t. that produced by cockroaeh
dancing upon the tenor string OF hidle.-
Down came another finger, and WAS remin-
ded of the wind whistling through knot
hole in hen coop. lie touch his thumb, and
l thought was in an orchard listening 10 the
distant braying Of u jackass. Now he ran his
fingers along the keys, and thought OF
boy rafting stick upon picket fence. All
of sudden he stopped, and | thought some
thing had happened. Then down came both
fists, and Oh Lord! such noise was never
heard before. thoug ht hurricane had struck
the house, and the walls We're cavlng III.
imagined was in the cellar, aud ton OF
coal falling upon my head. l thought the
machine had burst, when the internal noise
stopped, and | heard my wife calculate
"Exauiste!" What the deuce is the matter
The answer was, why, dear. that's LA Som
nambulaw Oh Somnumbulu." thought |.
and the count rolled up his sheet OF paper
calls it music; but for the life OF Inc. cant
make it look like anything else than rail
fence with lot Of Juvenile uiggers climbing
over it. Before that instrument Of torture
came into the house, could enjoy myself,
but now every darned woman III the neigh
borhood must be invited to hear the new piano
and every time the blasted thing shrieks out
like locomotive with the bronchitis, | have
70 praise its tone and when the invited guests
are playing have to say. Exquisite de
lightfui," "Heavenly!" aud all such trash,
while, at the same ume know just as much
about music "a u blind Goldfish. There are
more tuning hammers than comforts in our
house, and--;and wish the inventor
of the piano was troubled with a perpetual
nightmare, and obliged to sleep in one OF his
instruments all his life. AS for myself, had
rather put my head under a tin pau, be drum
med to sleep with pair OF smoothing irons,
than hear LA Somnambla, or any other LA
thumped out Of piano. Scatter pennies IN
front of my house. aud draw all the wander
ing minstrels in the city-hand organs, ban
los, fiddles, tambourines, rafting bones and
fish horns-Let juvenile monkeys crawl in
at nv windows in search Of three cent pieces
let me be awakened ut midnight by the
cry of murder" ring the fire bells, aud have
a devil of time generally--do all this, and
l will not complaint but Danish the piano.
NV piano has got to 60. | am going to launch
the internal machine out of the window the
first dark night. and my friends advise you
to sleep with cotton in your ears. or. when
. she gives her diving grunt. you II think you've
fallen of Of bed or u fallen star has g"ne TO
roost upon your housetop. For the lptorma-
ton Of Young America, will state that
all the pieces Of brass wire and ivory Keys
they are welcome to. but the skeleton want