The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1859-09-16
Ex GER PIT 81

IHE HUSBANDS BEST ExcusE.-"I was
detained at rife-practice, my dear"
Drunkenness turns man out Of himself
and leaves beast in bis room.
The OPPOSITE sEx.-We never know
what u woman doesn't mean until she has
spoken.
To DO without passion, or to be hurried
away with it, makes US equally blind.
If oranges can be- purchased for penny
piece, how much would whole one COS, {?
What machine is sometimes seen in a
ballroom: Asp'nning jenny.
How may man always become four
handed! By doubling his two fists.
"That's what call capital punishment"
as the boy said when his mother shut him
up in the closet among the preserves.
When does the letter transform pork
into metala When it makes led pig
into pig OF lead!
Why is man who deals in stale jokes
like tockjobber? Because b. depends on
fun.desd property.
Jones writes to friend, and closes by
saying, Il am glad TO bs able to say ,ha,
my wife is recoeerihgsslowly,"
C
There is ap old 3baehelor iiTni iTi .ondo,p 80
confirmed that hs silkni si,sas, 1asp
because so mdsl sss|S 4 1; i Al
The respectabls.ol slady iaiSsdi iiEe
rising hope" has gone fe' biaeks1
smith who rivsted the ''chsih of
A young g;rIrecently married stratsg..
er, alledging that she should have plenty
Of time to become acquainted with him af:
terwards. ~
Pretty nearly all men are benevolent
when it don't cost them much.. Ton, never
sees poor John suffer but he thinks Sam
ought to help him.
Men among mel. grow hard, are liable to
evil passions, fits Of pride, hatred, and re-
venge. that are probably unfamiliar 10 wo;-
men. ~
Humility is the first lesson we learn from
reflection, and self distrust e.first: proof we
give Of having obtained knowledge of our.
selves.
One Of the broadest hints to pop the
). question which it is possible for young
lady to give young gentleman, is 10 de-
cla'eto him her intention Of never marrying.
II hope you are not disposed to question
the character Of my milk" said dairynnan
to his customer. "Ob, no, indeed, it has
evidently been pumped enough already"
The latest style of hoop. skirts is tie grand
self.adjusting, double back action hustle,
Etrascan lace expansion, spiral Piccolomini
attachments gossamer indestructible! 1t is
a "love Of thing"
Il didn't dare to tell you. wife, before we
were married, that my tsell, are false." II
could get along we'll enough With you, hus.
band, your teeth were the only false thing
you carry in your mouth"
'Hn~ shall T get nd of my troublesome
suiter T." inqnired young lady. ..Oh mar.
'ry I'im:"-rt wou'd ace him hanged first 7
%, --,.sNo, marry him. said her spiiefuI broth
er, i.and he will be sure to hang himself soer
en- enough"
90 x II is said to be dangerous to be working
sith a sewing-machine near window wbpr
there is 3 thunder strom but it is also nc
less very dangerous 10 sit near some sewing
+" machines when there is no thunder storm.
HUMAN L1HE.---When MI is done, human
life is, atthe greatest and besi but like fro
ward child, that must be played with; an,
homoFed3 a little 10 keep. it qniet until it fall
asleep, and then the care is over.
No e,jdyment,, how inconsiderable, /
confined 10 the present moment. A man !
hebaPppfer for life from having made ono
an agreeable tour, or livsu for any length q
tide With sp,easant people; Or senjayed an,
5 sseons srabis ibterval Of innocent leisure li.n
egSisneya iSmitA. ad - 81 qH.ar ~
4sdDIs SouHIosrrY Treret, a Frencbmar
wss carried away from fis home BY the pc
ios Of Paris q Two in the morning, and inll
prisoned stsths Bastile. After q confiue
- =, rpsat u several weeks, he inquired Of a
81 sasesrs s"WiR you have the goodness to te
y INA ss 9 us what crime I am shut up 10 tbi
a,.plscsl 'Tbs officer eoolty replied, II thin
yon hase = great deal Of curiosity" "a .
"a - '''2sn