Lynchburg daily Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1852-1861, 1859-02-17
9ailu Tirgiuiau.
state courtinr in New England.

A sensitive New Highlander, writing from Mas
sachusetts last week Acknowledges himself caught
and asks if he was not justified BY the circum.
stances. which he relates. Here is his case:
well sir. this Mary caught the skating fever
which is now raging so fe~arfuily. heard her eI'
press a wish for . pair Of skates, and the next
day she had the best pair that could be found IN
the city. and nobody knew who sent them to her.
We went down upon the ice. and there that little
devil of a Mar lust sat quietly down, ordered me
on my knees, and quietly placed that foot. the loot
in nv lay. and bid me put on her skate. SIR!
had Venus dropped down from Heaven. and bid
me rub her down with rotten stone and OIL. II
could have astonished me moro than when that
divine foot was placed in my unworthy lap.
felt very faint-but | buckled on the skates, and
stood up with Mary by my side. Have you ever
taught a woman how to skater Ne: well let me
tell YOU. You've seen a Kaleidoscope, with a few
old bits of glass, &C., in a tin tube. and turning
il. have seen all sorts Of beautiful figures. just
imagine a kaleidoscope. aud in place OF beads aud
broken glass, please substitute blue eyes. eurving
eye-lashcs, lips, ivory, wavy hair, crinolinc CATER
boots, zephyr wors,ed. cupids. hearts, darts. a
clap of thunder. a fash Of lightning, and "auld
Nick" =.
Imagine yourself the centre Of a system with
all these things revolving round yon. and a violet
bank breathing signs upon you all the while, and
YOU have Mary and her victim in the first skating
lesson. Mary and | start--she on my left arm
all square. First, Mary's dear little gaitcr boots
present themselves to my astonished vision, and
before | have time to wonder how they came up
before me, | feel them pressing their blessed beau
ty, with emphasis, into the into the pit ct my
stomach. Next scene wavy hair, with n $50 bon
net and a divine head. comes pitching into my
v~aistcoat, with such a force that | feel the buttons
against my spine. Next-Mary gaz"S up ut me
from between my jack boots. and nnou her blessed
little nose is thrust into my SHIRT bosom. All my
friend, all research and study on the mysterious
subject Of a woman has been comparatively IN vain
till, in this eventful year of 1859, the fashion Of
skating has opened new and various sources Of
information.
Do you remember your first attempt at driving
tandem? DO You remember how thai internal
peryerse beast that you selected Tor n Lender.
would insist in turning short round, and staring
you in tho face, rs il 10 ask. what the deuce
you'd DO att" Well. just you 20 aud try a
woman on skates. that's adjust try it. All!
won't you come TO the conclusion that woman have
sundry and divers ways Of accom- plishing their
object Y-Dcar Mary! | offered myself to ner
every time she turned up or came round. ! am
hers.
PRogABLy Az 0Lp BAcurIoBL AD,TRTIsEnrNr.
The following advertisement appears in the n.
Y. Herald:
Board and Re ,o,e Wanted In some sensible
family, uninfested with eats. poodle dogs. canary
birds, juvenile jewsharps. mimirking odd MAIDS.
s~chsming widows, feminine ~'hopefuIs with match
seeking mammas or other nnisanees. Hot dinner
required on Sunday. Terms not to exceed 500
per month. Address Comfort Seeker, Beutley's