Nebraska advertiser. [volume] (Brownville, Nemaha County, N.T. [Neb.]) 1856-1882, 1859-06-02
MRth'S MeI8Hge.
What Happened AZ Our House.
BIZ PETER sFOnuM, Ess.

After we were married, well, say about
year, wun mornin' thar was terrible
colnmoshun in our hous-ole wimmin a
runnin' in an out, and finally the doctor
he cum. / was in a great furry, myself
waitin' to heer, / hardly noed what, but
arter while an old granny Of a woman
as had been very busy about thar, poked
her he'd into the room Wher was a walk
in about ses she:
"Mr. Sporum, hits a gal."
"Waat!" says /.
ga gal' ses she, and with that she pops
her he'd back agin.
Well, thinks /, I'm the daddy NV gal,
and begin to feel my keepin' mitely-I'd
ruther it was boy tho, thinks /, fur then
he'd feel nearer to me, as how he bare
my name, and thar wud be less chances
for the Sporums to run out, but consider
ing every thing gall will do nifty well
Jis then the old nus pOkes her he'd agin
an ses:
Ses she, anuther wun, Mr.. SpOrlm,
fine boy"
"Anuther, ses 1, "that'srather crowd.
in things on a feller."
She LATED an poked her he'd back
Well, thinks /, this is no joke sure at
this lick I'll have family enuf to last me
a few ears, but the Lord 5 will, not mine,
be dun.
Jus then, the ole she devil, (always
will | hate herr pokes her he'd in an, ses:
"Anuther gal, Mr.. Sporum."
"Anuther what 90 ses /.
"Anulher gal," ses she. FL
"Well," sesI, ego rite straight and tell
Sail, won't stand it, / don't want 'em,
an I amt going to have EN-; dus she
think I'm a Turk! or a Mormon or
Brigum Young? that she'd go for TO have
thribs?-three at pop? dus she think I'm
wuth hundred thousand dollars that
I'm Jon Jacob Astor, or Mr.. Roschile ?
that kin afford to have thribs, an cloIhe.
an, feed, an scool three chilunn at time!
l ANITA goin' to stand it no how, / don't
want EN-, an l amt goin' to want EN-,
no, nur no other time. Havint / been a
good an dootiful husban' to Sal? HaInl
| KEEP in doors Nv mite, an quit chawin'
tobacker an smohin' segars, Just to please
her? Haint attended devlne Wurship
regular Haint | bought her all the
bonnets an frocks she wanted! an then fur
her to go an have thribbs. / won't live
with her, she noed better and hadn't orter
dun it. She dun it with ise open, and
mus take the consequences. l didn't think
Sal wud serve me such a trick no how
Have I ever stole a horse Have / ever
dun any mean trick that she shud serve
me so? An with that laid down on the
sette, an felt orful bad, an the more l thot
about it, the wus felt.
Presently, SAILS nanny, ole Miss Jones
Gums in, an ses
Ses she, "Peter, cum in an see what
putty chillun you've got"
"Chillun," ses I, you'd better say a
hull litter. Now, Miss Jones, l luv Sail
you know, an hav tried to make a
good husban', but call this scaly trick,
an eff thar is emmy law in this country,
I'm a gwine too see eff a 'ornan kin have
thribbs, an make man take care Nv 'em.
/ amt goin' to begin to do il" ses /.
With that she lafed fit to kill herself,
an made all sorts Nv fun Nv me, sed emmy
uther man would be proud to be in my
shoes. l told her I'd sell out nifty cheap
eff ennybody wanted to take my place.
Well the upshot Nv it all was that she
persuaded me | wus all rong and got me
to go in whar they all was.
When / got in Sal looked Sc luvin' at
me, an reached out her little hands so
much like a poor helpless chile, that
forgot everything but luy fur her. and
folded her gently up TO my heart. like a
preshus treasure, an felt like / didn't
keer eff she had too had forty uy'em.-
Jis then number wun set up whine, like
a young pup, an, all the balance follered.
Them thribbs noed their daddy.
Well, every thing wus maid up, an Sal
promised she never wud do it agin, an
sense then hev been hard at work SER
tain, workin' all day to make bred fur
them thribbs, an busy nussin Nv EN- at
mite. The fact is, eff / didn't have a
nifty good constitution, I'd had to Civ in
long ago. Number wun has the collick
an wakes up number two, an he wakes
up number three, an so il goes. an me a
flyin all the time tryin' to keep EN- quiet.
Now Mister Muse, my adyise TO va is
never to have thribbs eff yu want to keep
out Nv trouble.