Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1859-04-07
3Git anu a5amdr.

&Dtt allG d3QlllGr.
Ir has been remarked that the gallows was
an institution for the elevation Of mankind.
Economy ioined to industry ard sobriety,
is better outfit for business than a dowfy.
A journalist styles tue weather ia clear
ease of larcenious abstraction from the mid
die of June" 500
A japanese nobleman, upon being shown !.
fashion-plate in an American magazine, was
very much startled, and exclaimed: How
very fat your women are y
An author is known by bis writings a moth
er by her daughters, a fool by his words, and
all men by their companions. ae'is
One of the most beautiful expressions of
Longfelow is this: Sunday is the golddn
clasp that binds together tho volume of tho
week" Hs
An out.ninded woman washed the face
Of a clock, then wound the baby up, and set it
forward Is minutes.
Why is an omnibus strap like conscience?
Because it is check from within to the out
ward man
"Wonder what makes my eyes so weak,
\
it, said the gentleman ''they are in weak
placeP Fop vamosed, threatening pistolG
and cofIeo for two rs
81 say, mister, how came your eyes so all
| fired crooked?"
"My eyes % ...
! "Ycs.b
''By sitting between two gals, and trying b.
look love to both at the same time"
A GREAT CoUSTR4.-D Distinguished For
| eigner.--"Im sure dis is do finest countrie in
de whole world. To home was-only ur bar
bicre hero | am de great Count de lIoom-
boog; all de ladies be dying for me, all DO
hotel-men implere me do den1de honor to live
at der expense Yecs, my frieD, il is Won
grand countries! a
An exchange, in speaking of the treatment
a police officer received from a drtnkenwo-
lnan whom he was endeavorng to take to Jail.
says: "She kicked and c;rfled him around as
freely sit he had been her husband"
EcoXonIcAh PEofI Iis..-The cfistomcts Of a
certain cooper in town out West, caused linn
y vast deal Of yexation, by their saving habits
and persistence in getting all their old tubs
and casks repaired, and buying but little new
work. "I stood it however" said he, until
one day old Sam Crabtree brought in an Oh
bung-holc' to which he said he wanted anew
barrel made. Then quit tic business ii,
daSust!' ..........t r.., -..r.8
...... THE PRAIRIEs. ari9
"Grcat western wastes of bottolnl land.
Flatas pancake rich as grease! -..sz
Where gnats are fully as big as toads, Is
And 'sEee'ers are as bigas seesel
@, lonesome willuy grassy place,
Where Bufaloes and Snakes prevail,
The first with dreadful-looking face, In
The last Notwithstanding tail! :,
I'd rather live on caincFs rump,
And bea yankee-doodle bcggar,
Than where they never see a stump,
And shake to death with fever-n -agcrw
clergyman being much pressed by lady
Of lis acquaintance, TO preach sermon the
first Sunday Of her marriage, complied, anil
chose the following passage in the Psalms as
bis text And let there he abundance Of
peace--whIo tho mon endureth"
'Who made you" inquired n lady tolcher
Of lubberly boy, who lad lately joined her
class.
II don't know" said he.
Don't know! You ought to be ashamed
OF yourself; boy fourteen years obi. There
is little Dick Fulton he is only three aud he
can tell, dare say. Come here Dick-who
made yo?' -...-
| ."Dod, lisrei the infant prodigy =
81 knew he would remember"
"Well he oughter," said the stupid boy.
it amt but little While ago since he was
made. t-.,..
A doctor went to bleed dandy who Ian
guidly exclaimed: 40, doctor, you're great
butcher" -...s..-. ..-- F.,
i To which tho doctor replied:
80, yes | am used TO sticking calves"
'Vat you makes dare ?" hastily inquired
Dutchman Of his daughter, who was being
kissed by her sweetheart very clamorousy.
"Oh, not uuch--just coUrtng little.
dats all ..- -.
"0ho! dats all, ELI taught you vas
Yighting
a RucIFE FOR Ftsouf, -. II
\ little sugar 10 make it sweet,
! little lemon 70 make it sour,
4 little water TO make it weak,
And little brandy to give il power.
A Yankee has Just invented suspender
that contracts On your approach to water SO
that at the moment you come To a puddle it
lifts you over and drops you on the other side.
a farmer the other day, was told by his
landlord that he was going to raise his rent.
"Much obliget," said the farmer; "for find
1t impossible to raise it myself"
| Why is FISH pcldling, morally considered,
an Objectionable business Because the deal.
ersclla what he knows has been hooked.
Every woman is born with master-mind.
that is TO say, with mind TO he master IL
hle can. s@ y. -Es
4 GRANDMOTHER, do you want somo MICS
candy ?" - CD,
), Yes, my dear child
! "ILen 50 to the store and buy some, and
will give sou some Of it,"
A celebrated portrait-p painter met lady
in the street who haled HIN with:
"-Ah, sir, have just seen your portrait.
and kissed 1t because it was SO much ike
you.' s. E oFT
And did il kiss you in return ~ As4a
why no."
Then" said he, sit was not like me. !.
$ Girls, the secret YOU dare not tell your
mother is a dangerous one one that will
5 be likely to bring you to sorrow. Ass
T ---e..-- 81. u 80
God spoke in the morning II the world
S when all was cuaos since that hour it has
been beautiful enough 70 speak fnr bin, rz-,
Il Man is related 10 tho beasts by bis todr.
j and If it be not related TO God by his sririf !.