The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-10-08


power, they are ready to tasten Slavery up
on all the present and prospective Terrific
ries of the Union by Federal legislation,
and, if nsed be, by Federal bayonets; and
they only beg that the record Of their ras-
cality may be cotsmporaneous with the dia-
boical deed. And whether their task-mas
tiers shall grant them even this small boon,
l. the only pom. in this part of the Presi-
Dental programme which the Southern De-
mocracy are discussing.--NeW York. Til
bune.
A MODERN HOMEOPATHIC pRACTi-
TONER
Amongst the quasi medical professors Of
homeopathy, | met with veritable genius
! in l--not long since. lie had never. in
the sense, been educated for the medical
profession; but he had followed in the train
of a company of trolling actors, amongst
whom he offeiatcd in more than one sense,
rs the walking gentleman.' He became a
self dubbed Doctor So-and-so, and com
menced the practice of homeopathy. None
was more loud than he to laugh at the cred
| ulity Of human nature, OF which. for Il time,
he throw. lie had no mock dei!cacy N all,
and all the secrets Of practice he expatiated
urOn with great JUNCTION when drawn out.
Whateser might of been my opinions re-
specting the morality of his style of practice
| c0ud not deny that his success had been
something marvellous something that be-
spoke no lttle amount Of clev0rncsS, pro-
claiming hi1 to be great, if not mighty
! master.
! "liow on earth," asked him, "did you
manage to get up the ordinary routine Of
medical term. 20
! "Uh, God bless you! the terms learnt
from cyclopedla : but invented more than
learnt, and people thought me all the
clevcrer.'
! 81 should Ike somewhat to be an under
taker in your patronage was my remark.
| The doctor shook bis head. "Iou
wouldn't thrive" said he. ''Blcss your
soul, nv patients never died. In the first
place, never had patients, as rule, who
! had anything the matter with them. When
| | did get severe case, th&n'-(my infor-
nation winked an eye, and pointed over his
left shouder.) "Weii, what then :" said
"Call in, somebody in consultation, he re-
piled,
but did practitioners meet You? ?"
sN0t those Of the old school, but those OF
my own"
"And what did you gain by that ?"
"Why, do YOU see, left my patient in
another doctors hands Not having any
medical examination myself, having taken to
it by the illumination of my own genius, as
may say having got 1t naturally, as one
might the smallpox or the measies-lt
would. perhaps, haSc gone hard with me
had q pltienc died n my hands and inqul-
rics had been made.'
felt vas in uhc presence of master.
"Mv patients, | repeat, never die-no,
never. Constitution was the word. In
came DR.. So-ard so. He felt gratiei; my
anxiety was gone patient got worse: pick
ing Of bed clothes ravins; hiccup tucies
hipyocraticd & know u thing or two, you
see off and away's the word, Sir. Your
humble servant goes home. 1t is day, and
tbs patient sends. am not to be secn.-
important business. Twenty miles away
very sorry. Patient dies. Return in time
for Grape anl hat-hunls. Patient buried,
you sec, but not my patient. Had Ibcen
at home matters might have otherwise event
uated. But the joke is,'' continued my in
formant, I" / was called in consultation long
before called in anybody else. \ fellow
who first tried to snub me. finding was not
to he >nuhbed. thought he had better be civ
il. 80 he called me in.''
"And how did you get on :" inquired.
''JrHy, 5lr-l!hc two bricks"
'But. did you talk over the case -
"Devil bit, The man who called me
in felt the pulse and shook his head.
turn,d up the white of my eyes. Helooked
profound y grave. He wrote a prescription.
and | said, good Nothing could be more
cymfor;nbic.'
How did you ct your fccs:" remarked
81 Gatter myself" replied the doctor, 81
know what u man can pay rs well As any
body. | used to say TO my patient, your
di-rnse i So nndso, aiy fee is so-and 80
ny terms are in alvancc.' 'What are your
terms / the patient was sure to say. And
now added my informant. placing his
hand on Iay shoulder. "iiI tell youa dodgr.
Patient asks my terms. Before replying,
says |. let's rcvolve your case.
:" Shut your eyes, sir lie shuts them.
and press my4numhs upon them to keep
them ,uut. Meantime view him over and
over. Has he watch? Whnt kind Of a
watch: \ chain? What kind Of chain
. Coat, n"w and ..uify--od and wern? Waist
coat, what trim: TrowrerS, what sort
Packets, ia, Or Ian; Full or empty: TAX.
in ,1.s wav. tying inventory, sir. Can
judge I, what he'll stuu1.'
''Upcn YOUR eyes, sir, | see all about
your case. Twenty pounds fec, sir"
3 "That's wha, col the binding dodge, -
said the Dr., finishing his description.
And this, reader, was: if indeed he is no.
! still, Pro. c.sor Of Homeopathy.
REMINESCENCE OF DANL WEBSTER
The following curv, rsatiOn occurred al
,,,iinuer table, where Mr.. Webster for the first
time met Col. Preston, then new Senator
from South Carolina.
Colonel Preston,' said the great Mas
sachusetts lawyer, in his statcliest manner,
II am happy to greet you as a member OF
the body to which it is my pride and honor
to belong, but | regret to see that South
eru gentlemen 50 often stand aloof from
me-
Mr. Preston nnsw red in polite and def
ercntal terms. when the other continued:
The truth is, am far more a Southern
than Northern man, and think that
should be treated as "hail fellow" by a
my Southern colleagues"
- May beg to know" said the other
g the grounds upon which you make thi:
caim.'
Certainly" replied Mr.. Webster. I" II
the first place, am very fond of a horse
race. and believe that the turf is South
ern institution. Secondly. have in N,
cellar a hundred dozen of the best wine un
paid for, and that ! understand to be atru
Of Southern life. Thirdly, before dayligh
! shall be under the table, and suppose
you are willing to admit this to be charac
teristc Of Southern life"
1" Enough,' shouted the other, laughing
g You have vindIcated your claim to be II.
compatriot.''
Az EDITORS OPINION.
The Nashville Ne,cS thus comments upnr
the case of Henry Shaw. the 81. Louis mil
linnntre, and the defendant in the SlOU,VO
breach Of promise case:
During the first investigation, Mr.. SHAY
'ried to destroy Miss arzstang's characte
to rob her.of all she has in the world
bat he itiiei. Now 1t is said he has beer
recently IN New York, where the young lad
was raised. dragging net weighted dow
with Ills million of dollars, for proof to de
strOy her good name. The next jury ough
to give verdict for at least $500, O,0OO-th