The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1859-12-14

The dance begins with vigor
And rapid feet the measure beat,
And trip the may figure.
Unheeded fly the moments by.
Old Time himself seems dancing.
Till nights duh eye is Cpd to spy
The steps Of morn advancing.
Then closely slowed. to each abode,
The carriages go tjtingi
And many dream has for its theme,
The pleasures Of the Quilting
Two sailors, the one Irish, the other
English, agreed reciprocally to take
care of each other in case Of either
being wounded in an action then about
to commence. 1t was not long before
the Englishman's leg was shot off by q
cannon ball and on asking Paddy to
carry him to the doctor, according to.
their agreement, the other very readily
complied; but had scarcely got his
wounded companion on his back, when
a second ball struck off the poor fell
lows head, Paddy, through the noise
and hustle, had not perceived his
friends last misfortune, but continued
to make the best of his way to the
surgeon. An officer observing him.
with his headless trunk, asked him
where he was going ? at
ITO the Doctor" says Paddy.
"The doctor |" says the officer, "why
blockhead, the man has lost his head. "
On hearing this. he flung the body
from bis shoulders. and looking at it
very attentively,-
by my SOUL" says he E he told me
it was his leg, but | was fool TO be-
Iieve him, for he was always great
liar" bs 8HN fna
"PRAY, tell me, my dear, what is
the cause Of those tears 2" Oh /
such disgrace p | have opened one
of your letters, supposing to be adj
dressed to myself Certainly, itlooked
more like Mrs. than Mr. "Is that
all? What harm can there be for a
wife to open her husbands letters ?"-
"But the contents !" Such a dis
grace !" What,l oas any one dared
to write me letter unfit for my wife
to read ?" ooh, no. 1t is concheds
lin the most chaste language but the
disgrace !" The husband eagerly
caught up the letter, and commenced.
reading the epistle that had been the.
means of breaking his wife's heart.
Reader, you conldn'nt guess the cause
in an age. u Oos no other than a
bill from the printer for a t,co gears.
subscription!
BASE INGRATITUDE. The editor of
paper, formerly published in Coloma,
who occupied room in one of our
| public houses, was, one one occasion,
absent from.town for the night 1t so.
happened the house was crowded with
guests on that particular night, and
the obliging landlord for lack of other
accommodations, put stran ger in the
aforesaid EDITORS bed. But mark how
the ungrateful fellow requ.ted the hos
pital kindness thus extended to him :
he left the following rhymes on the ia
BILE scrawled upon piece Of paper
with a lead pencil
/ g. slept in an editors bed las { night,
And Others may say what tn ey please.
I say there's one editor in the world
That certainly takes his cas- e.
When thought of my humble cot away,
1 could not suppress sigh.
But thought as rolled in the fsathery nest,
Hoso easy editors he! @
a RENOWNED clergyman of New
York, lately preached long sermon
from the text, Thou art weighed in
the balance and found want ing" At
ter the congregation had list ened about
an hour, some began to get wea:y and
went out others soon folio wed, great
ly to the annoyance Of the, minister.
Another person started, whereupon
the parson stopped ia his ermon, and
said "That's right, gentle men, as fast
as you are weighed pass out !" He
continued his sermon at lei 18th, butno
one disturbed him after ths It, e
Mr.. JENKINS when DIM ng at a very
hospital table, put piet ;e of bacon
near him was so very sm' Ill, that the
lady OF the house remarkt d to him,
"Pray, Mr. Jenkins hell yourself to
the bacon. Don't be afi aid of 1t ~
10, ihueed, madam | shall not be.
have seen piece twice as large, and
it didn't scare me btu
Dow, Jr., says the re JASON that q
man was made after ey, .rything else
was, if he had been cres tied FIRST, he
would have ANNOYED Il ne Almighty
with endless suggestions Of improve.
ment.
MONEY AND POVERTY "A shreEd
old rent laman orana caid "a hisadanrh.