The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1859-05-12
VOL. 4


know what evil genius prompted the wicked
ness q acknowledge, with tears IN ny eyes,
that it was such,) which / perpetrated to-
wards my wife and my ancient relative.
my DEAR" said to my wife, on the day
before my aunts arrival, 'you know aunt
Mary is coming tomorrow WELL forgot to
mention rather annoying circumstance
with regard to her. She's very deaf; and,
although she can hear my voice, to which
she is accustomed, in its ordinary tones, yet
. you will be obliged to speak extremely loud
in order to be heard 1t will be rather in
convenient, but know you will do all in
your power to make her stay agreeable"
Mrs. S. announced her intention to make
herself heard, if possible.
went to John Thomas, who loves to joke
about as well as any person ever saw, and
told him to be at my house at 6 p. m., on
the following evening.
l went to the railroad station with car
riage, the next evening, and when | was on
my way home with my aunt, | said
''My dear aunt, there is one very annoy
ing infirmity that Amelia has, which for
got to mention before. She's very deaf; al
though she can hear my voice, to which she
is accustomed, in its ordinary tones, yet you
will be obliged to speak extremely loud, in
order to be heard. am very sorry fol it.
indeed.
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking
loud, and to do so would afford her great
pleasure.
The carriage drove UPON the steps was
my wife-at the window was John Thomas,
with face as utterly solemn, as if he had
just buried all his relatives.
81 am delighted to see you," shrieked my
wife, and the policemen on the opposite side
of the street started, and my aunt nearly fell
down the steps.
kiss me, my DEAR" howled my aunt;
and the hall lamp clattered, and the windows
shook as with the ague. ! looked at the
window-John had disappeared. Human
nature could stand it no longer. I poked
my head into the carriage, and went into
strong commissions.
When l went into the parlor, my wife
was helping Aunt Mary take off her bonnet
and cape; and there sat John with his face
of VICE.
Suddenly, "Did you have pleasant jour
ney?" went off my wife, like pistol, and
John Thomas almost jumped to his feet
Rather dusty" was the response, in
war-like whoop; and so the conversation
continued.
The neighbors, for streets around, must
have heard it, when was in the third story
of the building, | heard every word, plain.
In the course of the evening, my aunt took
occasion to say to me-
".How loud your wife speaks! Don't it
hurt herr"
| told her all deaf persons were used to it,
and my wife was not affected by the exertion,
and that aunt Mary was getting along nicely
with her.
Presently my wife said, softly, Calf, how
loud your aunt talks!"
EYES," said |, "all deaf persons do. You
are getting along with her finely; she hears
every word you say And l rather think
she did.
Elated with their success, at being under
stood, they went at it, hammer and tongs,
till everything on the 'mantel-piece clattered
again, and was seriously afraid of crowd
collecting in front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt being of
an investigating turn of mind, was DESTROYS
of finding out whether the exertion of talk
ing so loud was not injurious to my wife,
So she said, in an unearthly hoot-for her
voice was not as musical as it was when she
was young:
doesn't talking so loud strain your
lungs?"
at is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
''Thcn why do you do it?" was the an
swering scream.
"Because-because-y can't hear if |
DON'T" squealed my wife.
"What!" said my aunt fairly rivalling
railroad whistle this time.
/ began to think it time to evacuatc the
premises; and, looking round, and seeing
John had gone, stepped into the back par
lor, and there he lay fiat on his back, with
his feet at right angle to his body, ROLLING
from side to side, with his fists poked into
his ribs, and most agonized expires sion of
countenance, but not uttering sound.
Immediately and involuntarily assumed a
similar attitude; and think that, from the
relative position of our boots and heads, and
our attempt to restrain our laughter, apo
plexy must have inevitably ensued, if hor-
rible groan which John gave vent to, in his
endeavor to repress his responsibility, had
not betrayed our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and my aunt, who,
by this time, comprehended the joke; and
such scolding as then got never got be-
fore, and hope never shall again.