The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-06-01
MISCELLANEOUS AND NEWS ITEMS.
cRINoLINE.

y
0fwhalo-bone covering ten square feet of ground
As down the street the dry-goods phantom
swims,
(As some gay balloon DER the billow skims)
How grandly on her sweeping course she goes,
Turning aside for neither friends nor foes,
Who would not brave the deepest mud on earth,
To give those hoops the widest kind Of berth.
"Pm going the rounds as the loafer
said, when he was stealing beet.
= Cork screws have sunk moro pco-
pie than cork jackets will ever keep up.
Its the last ostrich feather that
breaks the husbands back.
= Copper ore, very pure, has been dis
covered in McEIcnry Co., III.
= Odd hours in the garden will pay in
qualification.
= Wintcrgrcen berries arc selling in
Chicago at 80 cents P quart. This is
new feature in the fruit trade.
y What prevents cook from swal-
lowing her apron! because it goes against
her stomach.
= Our merits procure us the esteem
of men of sense, and our good fortunes
that of the public.
- Good humor is the blue sky of the
soul, in which every star of talent will
shiI more clearly.
= The man who had one of his legs
cut of thinks he has cause to re-mem-
Der the same.
A man can "get along" without
advertising, and so can wagon wheel
without grcasing, but il goes hard.
Provoking, TO dream you have lots
of money, and then wake up and find
yourself an editor.
"A yankee with the yellow fever may
very properly be called a Northern man
with Southern feelings.
- In Florida, town known by the
ambitious name of "Entorprise," consists
of n hotel and nine pin alley.
-" Old age is coming on me rapidly"
rs the urchin said, when stealing apples
from an old man's garden, and saw the
owner coming, cowhide in hand.
= The world should have its docket
called and sluggards all defaulted, and
those should be the supper ten" whom
labor hath exalted.
= FooTE expressed the opinion that
q certain miser would take the beam out
of his own eye, if he knew he could sell
the timber.
=" Do you know who l amp said a
police officer to fellow whom he had
seized by the throat. "Not exactly, sir;
but | recon- you are malignant collarer."
What is the cause Of the popular
prejudice against written sermonsi Be
cause, being cut and dried, they lack the
verJum sap.
- A friend who recently returned from
Washington, in reply to a question rs to
where he had been, replied, 81 have been
after an Office, and got the refusal Of one"
"What are you looking for, Doc
tori" said sick man 10 his physician
For my fee, sir; not finding it in my
hand, ! suspect I-must have dropped it,"
= Why is a man eating soup with
fork like another kissing his sweetheart9 ,
Do you give il up?
Because it takes so long TO get enough
oft. 49,"
That's very singular, sir" said a
young lady to a gentlemen, who had just
kissed her.
go, well, my dear Miss, l will soon
make il plural
- A married woman in Memphis,
Tenn, has sued an old admirer, for dam
ages to the amount of $4,000 for breach
of promise. Her present husband joins
the prosecution with very revengeful
spirit.
"A teacher of vocal music asked an
old lady if her grandson had any ear for
music. "Wa'al, said the old woman, "I
rally don't know; won't you just take
the candle aud sce9'
=" You'll find that ginuinc article"
said Hibernian liquor dealer to n ''dry"
customer, handing him something that
looked like wine, but which ssvored
strongly of gin.
"Perhaps So" said the other, tasting
il, "but hang me if | can tell whether il
is giin-or-aOine."
A witty man, who lived in constant
fear of bailiffs, having absconded, one of
his acquaintance asked what was the
reason of his absence, to which he replied,
"Why, sir, / appreheud he was appre-
hensive of being apprehended aud so left
TO avoid apprehension"
Mature seems to exist for the excel
lent The world is upheld by the yeraei-