Staunton vindicator and general advertiser. (Staunton, Augusta County, Va.) 1858-1860, 1859-09-16

ET It is very hard to be witty without
being malicious, yet the following extract
from the Richmond Examiner will show
that it is possible; and while it may serve
to amuse our readers, we trust that it may
tempt many to subscribe to paper which
excels in both the grave and the gay. At
ter lamenting the resignation Of the late
Common wealth's Attorney, Mr.. Marina
duke JoAssea, the writer gives US stGm-
pardaFly") the names Of the half-dozen as
pirants for the succession 1'in alphabetical
oraer." He then takes them to tie Afri-
can Church, where they hold a general tilt
on the night Of the 10th, and throws out
some valuable hints as to hew the fight
should be conaxctea:
We regret that we cannot state the order
Of THE proposed combat. Whether the
speakers will pitch into each other after the
Informal free fight" fashion Of TIE Xix
emmy Cats" or proceed after the more or
derby fashion of the ''HoRAru aad the
CuRAgz," in their bloody work, we cannot
as yet state. At the West Pciat Military
School, one eft the most entertaining exer-
cises is that Of the cavalry on number Of
dummies or wooden soldiers. These dunn
mics are iatended to represent infantry /;
and the cadets, mounted on horseback,
sabre in hand, ride swiftly along the line
Of dummies, going fercely through the mo-
tons of staying real infantry. They cut,
thrust, and hack these dummies in man
ner terrible to behold, slicing off their
heads with all the skill Of SALADIN, and
cleaving then to the chine as RICHARD Coxr
de Leon used to do the Saracens.
Why. instead Of demolishing each other,
cannot the candidates who viii speak on
the 10th have = sort Of dummy criminal.
whom they all can go through the motions
of prosecuting Let them agree upon the
crime, frame an Indictment, take the facts
Of the case, eliminating and exculpating
as agreed, and hammer away At a dummy
criminal, to enable the public to judge
what sort Of prosecutors they would make
There is wax figure attached to ready
made clothing store in this city, whose at.
tire is frequently changed, and who looks
rascally enough to have committed murder
Let that sinister-looking counterfeit pres
eminent" of man be clothed as he was a
the last Mechanics Fair, and tried for mut.
dering his grandmother. I'VE have Away.
esteemed him the effgy Of some famous mul
derer. To make up brilliant taNeau
the revolving female who has done duty a
one of the windows Of DUoUEsNE's old shol
for the last ten years, might play tho par
of the afflicted wife Of the supposed Grim
inal, whilst HARREL, the toy man could fur
nish from FIVE to seven Of those ''cryinl
babies" who upon the occasion of crimina
trials, play SO important part in convin
cling Intelligent" juries Of the entire limo
cence Of the most hardened offenders. T.
make the entertainment on the evening 0
the 18th as attractive as possible, we ven
ture to make these suggestions, and hop
that they will meet the approval Of CRATE
full and appreciatiyo public, And We fee
well assured that the amiable and intelli
gent candidates will greatly prefer pun
melting an imaginary criminal to maulinI
each other. Unless the eloquence and ir
of these gentleman can be concentrated up
on something foreign to their own claim
and pretensions, we shall have an orator.
cal set-to fercer than those which marke
the bloody rebellion Of the Immortaps Lieu
tenants in by-go Gays. But shall the IN
fortunate criminal be denied the benefit &
counsel learned in the law" when iv
hungry prosecutors shall dash ferceiy
him? Justice and humanity forbid sue
cruelty in land of freedom. Let Mr.. MAI
MADUKE JOHNSON defend ''our innocent
prosecuted and unhappy client against a
corners.