The Washington union. [volume] (City of Washington [D.C.]) 1857-1859, 1859-03-22
TgE ORATORIC8L OGRES Al WORK-G0G-
GIN SWALLOWED WHOLE.
nrnm Ind Richmuna EsamInef.l

prom tho Richmond EEaminefl
v,om our correspondents and exchanges we gather the
al melancholy information that those terrible o~ratorical
"raItes that invariably precode the spring elections Ia
M state have begun. Opposing candidates and electors
SaTe commenced their terrible vernal massacres- Mild
11n,nsred attorneys and am'able planters have been sud
SSanIv converted into roaring eannibals aud yociferous
%~es aJeyouring' each other on court greens and at
UDsSaasier preciucts. Hundreds OF gentlemen before the
Gnrth Thursday in May, we are panied 10 say, will have
Zen ,swailowed whole, I" ''ground TO powder, ''iayed
,U,e . .chopped 10 pieces, " ''~pummelled, " aud pound
All The most diabolical feature of these hideous enter
sI6nments Is the callous Indifference Of the soyereigns TO
he fate Of the unfortunate performers.
Not unhequently, after the adjourr-aent OF a county
- t.e sheriff, Ia a stentorian iyoico, informs the peo-
n, that the bloody scenes to which we have alluded are
afLout 10 be enacted. Straightway the excited pcpulace
rnsb pell- lneIl, into the cou b house, and secure the best
,Isces for witnessing the horrible hatchery. As soon es
Ip,onaratiye order Is restored, two mild, quiet looking
,orng ogres, armed with scrap-books and glasses of
1,ater begin to swallow each other 'whole." The
tsorhl work goes on for hours amid the shouts, applause,
us and laughter of the excited audience. The magis-
;r,tes. sberiffs. and constables so far forget their duties,
~ sworn preseryers of the peace, rs TO look on APP
knowingly, and we have sometimes seen white cravatted
rarsons 80 far forget thclnselves as to split the'r sides with
laughter when, by a well-appIied a~necdote, one o~ratoricai
ogre '-aaycd' his opponent, or ''clcft him TO the mid
ds' by some sharp retort.
Although the unfortunate Mr.. Goggin has not seen the
uleginning OF the end OF his troubles, yet his martyr
dom has already commenced in good earnest. He has
been 'swallowed whole already. When he invaded the
valley of Virginia on Tuesday last, armed with a gigantic
arap-book and a choice assortment of the anecdotes with
which Noah amused his family in the ark, we predicted
that the news of his massacre would reach Richmond be-
fare the close of the week. And our prophecy has been
verified. Twice has Goggin encountered Letclcr, and, to
borrow the language of an eloquent western statesman,
he has been "catawompously chawed up, aud the per-
formance, like "0ur American Cousin, is to be repeated
until further notice, We remember, when a boy, to have
.een a rat venture between the "upper and neither mill
stones OF a country mill whilst The machinery was in
full blast. To infinitely describe the fate of that luckless
rat would be too narrowing to the feelings of the tender
hearted, and we forbcar. We wish that our duty as n
journalist would also allow US to refrain from speaking Of
Goppin's untimcly fate. We would greatly prefer telling
the whole of the dismal tale by merely saying that, like
some of the old Catholic saints, Goggin is already cnti-
tied TO canonization by the opposition, having been fayed
alive in their service, but our readers are excited and
camorous for the particulars OF his massacre. Hear,
then, our plain, nnyarnishcd tale.
MeSsrs. Letcber and Goggin first met at 1Iarisonburg,
in the county Of Rockingham. AS there are no wings
worth mentioning in that county, and rs Mr.. Goggin was
a stranger there without friends, Mr.. Letcher treated him
with much humanity. IL was, it is tras, impossible for
him 10 hit the 'spilgrim of the Scrap book" without
knocking him over, but he ''doseured" him as mildly
Us possible. Mr. Goggin's punishment, although Sc
we're, was neither cruel nor inhuman. He was allowed
TO air his musty assortment of venerable, antedeluvian
anecdotes, and to wax quite radiant over that splendid
discovery Of his, to wit: that the democrats are respon-
sble for 'smooth ninepences' pessing for ''ten cent
pieces" From Rockingham tho candidates wendell their
way to the venerable town of Stanton, In the old fed
eal county of Augusta Here G0gg'n was surrounded
by hundreds Of political friends, aud at Stanton the vs.
racre and m~artyrdom OF the unfortunate man may be
said TO have fairly commenced. Tho proper feelings Of
courtesy which prevented Lctclcr f.om grinding him to
powder in Rockingham no longer restrained the demo
cratic candidate. He came down upon Goggin as a trip
hammer would upon a hickoi y-nut. The discrssion WAS
like a combat between a quick, active, clean cut. closely
i;m,,al l,ttla rt onp,n r.ak# and a ltp awGurri Inoaa-
jo'ntcd, short windcd, rheumatic Shanghai. Wel-post-
ed, clear, logical, and eloquent, Lstcher's demolition Of
his adversary is said to have been c~iush'pg. The maui
Ing which he gave Goggin will be remembered for many
day. Every crack drew blood and made the feathers
fly. Goggin took shelter behind the ''gcrap-book, : but it
did no good, for it was too dull to DO used as a sword,
and too pondesois and unwieldy to be employed as a
shield. Goggin was swept fore and aft by canister, grape,
and small shot. He was flayed, pounded, thrashed, lacer-
nted, and pummelled to a jelly. He was ground to
pieces, chopped into mince meat, and then swallowed
whole. He underwent all the different Kinds Of tor ture
to which the orators of one party are supposed to subject
those of the other. The democracy were f.autic with joy,
aad the victim Of Letcher's inbumen cruelty was pitied
even by his political enemies. The face of every Angus
ia whig was elongated half a yard at least. Goggin's
fiends propose commemorating his defeat by giving him
splendid edition of Fox's Book of Martyrs. The mas
saare of Goggin is said to have merely excited Lctcher to
other deeds of blood, and we fear that by this time he
has deyouFed that numerous breed of federal giants, the
Indigenous growth Of Augusta, At this very moment he
ID proDaDly walking ABOUT Win oneHey, crOak|nB us
maly in his stomach, and the legs Of the halfdigested
rxsecretary Stuart dangling from his mouth.
We understand that the tidipgs of Goggins total rout
has filed the ceptal COMMITTEES of the opposition with
dismay. They will at once Issue 1iropiar 0 fling upon the
faithful for more 'men and money" Goggin sis to be
reinforced. The two grand divisions of the allies, I'M
der the command of Messrs. Wiley and Preston, are at
once to be marched to the scene of the late melancholy
catastrophe. Thirteen congressional electors, fifty senatorial
electors, and three hundred and sixty county electors have
been notified to hold themselves in readiness to rcpel the
lraSo0n of Rockbridge. Bolts, too, will dash to the res
cue at the head of a noble band of "Molungeons and
~EbOsbips'' as soon as the weather becon4cs sufficiently
SaFm TO render his adoriferons FORCES efficient. The ex-
ultation Of the glorious democracy of tho valley is stu
pendous, and they laugh to scorn the idea of Ietcher's
carrying the State by a paltry majority of only 'ihuty
thousand"
We have thus endeavored, in our plain and mimpas-
stoned way, TO convey to our readers an account Of the
massacre Of Goggin - but We have no doubt that they
will be Mortified by accounts Of far moro terrible atrocities
and barbaritics before the canvass closes. The most cruel
and fearful cases of ~''ilaying alive" and swallowing
whole are al ways enacted by the county electors at
the muster precincts, : "fsh fries, - aud ''barbeeucs. "
Fried shad'' and "roasted orators are us,isa,,y server
up together in the months of April and May.
.