Anti-slavery bugle. [volume] (New-Lisbon, Ohio) 1845-1861, 1859-11-19

MY WIFE.

that there are assassins, gnomes, vampires, or
what not, 10 our house at night, and that it IL
my boundeh duty to leave my bed at any hour or
temperature, and to do battle with tho same, in
very inadequate apparel. The circumstances
which attend Mrs. D's alarms are generally Of the
following kind
L am awakened by the mention of my laptis-
NAL name, in that peculiar voice which has
something urcanny in lite very nature, besides the
dismal associations which belong to it, from the
fact Of ito being used only in melOdramas and sick
rooms
Henry, Henry, HeRry.'
How IN my times she has repeated this, | know
NOT, tbs sound falls on my eas like the tapping Of
a hundred v ayes, or as the robin Crusoc, Rob
in Crusoe," Of the parrot. smote upon the ear Of
the terrified islander Of Dsfoe, but at last | wake
to view by the dim f~relisht, this vision Mrs.
d. is sitting up b esidc me, in a listening attitude
of the very iniensest kind; her nighi-eap -one
with cherry colored ribbons, such rs il can do no
harm to speak nboui-js tucked back behind
either ear, her hair, in Tapers, is relied cut Of the
way upon each side like a banner furled; her eyes
are rather wide open, and her mouth very much
so; her fingers would be held up to command at
tentiOn but that she is supporting herself in q
to-.ewhat absurd manner upon her hands.
Henry, did you hear that
what, my love 7"
THAT noise. There it is ngain, there there ~
The disturbance referred to is that caused by a
mouse ~nibbling at the wsinscot and | venture to
say go much in a tone of the deepest conviction.
mo, no, Henry it's not the least like that
it's n file working at the bars of the pantry win.
dow. l will stake my existence, Henry, that it is
afle."
Whenever my wife makes use Of this particular
form Of words. | know that opposition is useless.
l rise, therefore,, and put on my slippers and dres-
sing gown. Mrs. b. refuses to let me have the
candle, because she will die Of terror if che is
left alone without a light. She puts the poker in
to my hand, and, with a gentle violence, is about
TO expel me from the chamber, when a sudden
thought strikes her.
"Stop a bit, Henry" she exclaims, a"until !
have looked into the cupboards and places;'
which she proceeds to do most minutely, investi-
eating even the .hort drawers Of a foot and q
half square. l am at length dismissed upon my
perilous errand, and Mrs. B. locks and double
locks the door behind me with a celebrity that al
most catches my re:reat.ng garment. My exIe.
dition therefore, combinee all the dangers of a
sally, with the additional disadvantage of having
my retreat into my own fortress cut of. Thus
oumberously, but Intellectually caparisoned, l per-
ambulate the lower stories of the house in dark
ness, in search Of that disturber Of Mrs. BIS re-
pose, which | am we'll convinced, is behind the
wsinscot Of her own apartment, and nowhere else.
The pantry, l need not say, is as silent as the
grave, and about as cold. The great clock in the
kitchen looks spectral enough by the light Of the
expiring embcrs, but there is nothing there with
life except black beetles, which crawl in count
less numbers over my naked ANGLES. There is o
noise in the cellar, such as Mrs. B.. would at
once identify with The suppressed converse of an
~ticipascd burglars, but which 1 recognize in q mo-
nent as the dripping of the small beer cask,
whose tap is tfoCbled With q nervous disorganiza-
ton of that kind. The dining room is chill and
cheerless; a ghostly arm chair is doing the honors
of the table to three other vacant seats, and dis
pensing hospitality in the shape of a mouldy Or
ange and some biscuits, which | remember to
have left in disgust. aLout-Hark,! the clicking Of
. revolver ! No the warning of the great clock
one, two, three.
What o frightful noise it makes in the started
ear of night! Twelve O'Clock. Jeff this dining
room, then, but three hours and a half ago; it
certainly does not look like the same room now.
The drawing-room is also far from wearing is
usual snug and comfortable appearance. Could we
possibly have all been sitting in the relative posi-
lions to one another, which these chairs assume
Or, since we were there, has some spiritual com.
pany, With no eye to order left among them, taken
advantage Uf the remins Of our fire to hold o reu.
MON They are here even at this moment, perhaps,
and their gentlemen have not yet come up from
the dining-room. l shudder from lead to foot,
partly at the bare idea oc such a thing, partly
from the naked fact Of my exceedingly unclothed
condition. They do cay that IN tho passage
which ! have to cross in order to get to Mrs. b
again, my grandfather walks in compensation
l suppose. for having been prevented by govt from
taking that species of exercise while he was alive
There are more things in heaven and earth thar
are dreamt Of in your philosophy, / think as up
proach this spot; but ! do not say SO, for / am vel
nigh speechless with the colleges, the cold; it i
only my teeth that chatter. What a scream tina
was! There il comes again, and there is NJ
doubt this time as to who is the owner of that ter
ri6ed voice. Mrs. BIS alarms have evidently ia
ken some other direc ion. Henry, Henry sh
cries. in tones Of q very tolera5le pitch. A lad,
being in the case. / fly upon the wings of domes
tic love, along the precincts sacred to the peram
bulations of my greai-grand-iather. / arrive q
nay wife's chamber the screams continue, Blu
the door is locked.
y 'Opep, OPEN" shout /. VIVA on earth 10 III,
mstter
There is silence then a mans voice-that
sis to say, my wifs's voice in imitation
Of . man's-replies 10 tones of indignant fe
yoc;tv IN cnnvev the idea of n I;fa nro...,. III.
under the pillow of the speaker, and ready to hi
hO are yoa- what do you wantf"
"You very silly woman" I answer not from
impoliteness, but because I End that that sort O
language RECEIVERS and assures her of my identity
more than any other-'why, it's l."
The door Is then opened about six or seven in
ehss. and l am admitted with all the prscautior
which attends the entrance Of an ally 10 a besieg