davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
WHOLE NO. 176

Il wont listun to your infurnul nonsense
no longar. Just you say rite strate out
what you air drivin at. If We mean gettia
hitched. line in
L considered that enough for all practic
al puposses & went to the parsons at Ice
and was Immediately made /. I've pact
threw great many tryin ordeels sins that
memorable mite, but Mrs. A. Ward has
been true as steal. BY bein virtoos I've
wun repartashun fur honisty which few
showmen. (alars, alars for the profession!)
injoy d by attendin striekIy to biznis I've
amarst a tolerybul hansum compe-
tunsy, & my show is exalted by fu &
exselled by none, embracin as it doz l.
derful colleckshun of livin wild Beests &
snaix, a endlis variety of wax 6ggers Of
life size & the only framed Kangeru in
Ameriky--the most amuzin little cuss ever
introduced to discriminatin publick.
Il why am | sad? methincks | heer you
ask, jentle ready. Becawz feel that the
show bisiniz, which I've stroven to orny-
ment is bein usurpt by Poplar lecturs, as
they are kalled, tho in my opinion they air
poplar numbugs. Eastern individuals,
mostly from Bosting. who git hard up. en-
bark in the lecturin bisnis. Thay cram
themselves with high sounding frazes, friz-
zle up their hare. git ,rusted for SCOT of
black close & cum out West to lectur at
so dollars pop. They ART overstoctt
with branes. but they have brass enuf TO
make sufishent kiltles to bile all the sope
that will be required by the ensewin six
teen generashuns. People flock to hear
EN- in krowds. The men go becawz lis pop
lar & the wmmin foxes go TO see what 9TH
er wmin foxes hev on. When its over
the lectur gose regales hisself with gin &
sugar, while the people say What acharm-
ing lectur that air was.' etsettery. etsette-
ry, when out of ten of um don't have no
more idee of what the lecturer said than
my kangaru has of tie sevnth spear of hev-
un. Thares more informashun to be 90:
out of well conducted noosepaper-price
three cents--than there is out Of ten pop
ular lectur at 25 or SO dollars a pop. as
the case may be. These same peple, bare
in mind. stick up their nosis at moral wax
figures and sagashus beests. They say
these things is low. Gents. it greeves my
hart in my old age. when line in the sheer
& yaler leef, to quote from my Irish
friend Mister McBeth to see that the Sho
bznis is purity much plade out. howsum-
ever shall chance it again in the Spring
line negoshiatin with the last joory in the
Hiram Cole kase, if kin git them remarka-
bic livn cariositys | think | shall make
payin seson of 1t.
Very Respectively Yurs.
ARTEMUS WARD.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
Victorious Victory!
TRlU MPHANT TRIUMPH!
GREAT DOIN'S


Democratic .Serton
Democratic Dead Body Superintendent
Democratic Grape Yard Manager !
Democratic Cemetery Keeper
Democratic Grave Digger -! J
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
1t is our proud pleasure to announce
that the above important offices are Demo
cratic to the backbone. They are offices
of very grave Importance. and the only
ones we calculated on filling. The grave
yards have been in the hands of the Re
publicans long enough. The Democracy
determined to have The management of the
Cemeteries themselves. No good Demo
Gratis can be buried by Black Republican
sexton without shame and disgust. For
one We would never consent to such thing
whether there was drop of blood in our
veins or not. The Office of Sexton, then
was what we battled for in this momentous
canvass, and our triumph has been at once
majestic and brilliant. The city has been
redeemed, and the Republicans would be
ashamed Of themselves if they hadn't lon g
ago got over being ashamed of anything.
Democrats needn't so away from home
when they die hereafter to buried respect
ably Let the Black Republicans vince
let them how! with rage--we've got charge
Of their dead bodies The Mayorality
and Marshalship, and other trifling offices
they may have in welcome. They may
have their Senterberry--we mean their
Coffinter--no, we mean their Cranberry
no, we don't exactly know what we do
mean, but they may have all Of emit
shall be our proud duty and pleasure to
bury them. Hereafter we shall regulate
dead bodies in our own way, subject only
to the Constitution of the United States.
This is in accordance with the Kansas Ne.
braska William. This is Popularity Sow
ereignty. Bring out the Big gun ! Let
the Cannon roar Fetch forth the Male
Fowl Let Bonfres be kindled on Scran-
tons Bottom We've met the enemy,
and we re thouis!'
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
A Alphabetical COnundrums g..

Why is the letter A like meridian?-
Because it la the middle Of day.
Why is the letter B like hot FIRE? Be-
cause it makes oil boil
Why is the letter c like the ocean? Be-
cause it makes tie sea-
Why is the letter d like fallen angel?
Because by associating with evil it be
comes devil
Why is the letter f like the end Of time?
Because it is the beginning of eternity.
Why is the letter Z like death? Because
it makes all fall azsSs
Why is the letter G. like wisdom? Be-
cause it is the beginning of greatness and
goodness.
Why is the letter H like the dying words
of John Quincy Adams? This is the
last Of earth.
Why is the letter 1 like the American
Revolution? Because it is the beginning
of Independence.
Why is the letter like the end of
spring. Because is the beginning of
June.
Why is the lette. X like pig tail? Be-
it is the end of pork.
Why is the letter L like young lady
giving away her sweetheart TO another?--
Because it makes over lover.
Why is the letter NJ like the first glass
of rum? Because it is the beginning of
misery.
Why is the letter n like a newly mar
ried woman? Because 1t is the end OF
maiden
Why is the letter o like courageous
woman in disguise? Because it makes her
a hero.
Why is the letter P like two winds
meeting? Because it makes air pair.
Why is the letter q like King? Be-
cause it is attached TO Queen.
Why is the letter like a treaty ratifi-
ed? Because it is the end of war.
Why is the letter S like the end of hogs?
Because it is the beginning Of sausages.
Why is the letter L like victory? Be-
cause it is the end of conquest.
Why is the letter U like fragrance? Be-
cause it is the center Of bud
Why is the letter V like two extremes?
Because it is the commencement OF vice
and virtue.
Why is the letter w like dying chris
tian? Because it is the end Of sorrow
Why is the letter \ like scolding wifei
Because 1t is cross.
Why is the letter Y like sight! Becsus
il is the middle of eye
Why is the letter like S? Because )
IL lis.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

Minnesota as good as gold," and ought
to pay his notes.
Mr.. Il, always finds his goods
damaged or Short must allow ali his
claims or he will quit you, (leaving behind
his wrath and profanity Watch him with
spectacles.
Mr.. =, appears to be prospering,
but there is no truth in HIM. He will tell
lies in order to get bargain, when the
truth would ans s@er his purpose great
deal better Let him alone
Nh. K, reported 10 be worth Sl9,
600, but there is no moral soundnesss in
him from the crown of his head to the sole
of his foot. Some day he will collapse
like puff ball. Touch him not.
Now, we might go through the alpha
bei several times, and not then present all
these doubtful cases to our readers. We
have left off the catalogue those who do
business on borrowed capital those whose
expenses are larger than their income, and
host of others, many Of whom deserve
separate notice.
Our special object is to call the atten-
lon of our business men to very simple
question, viz: What constitutes the true
basis of all credit? Is it money exclu-
sively? Answer the question honestly
Ii you desire success, answer it, Ii YOU
desire clear conscience, answer it. Those
wise and otherwise can apply this SUBJ
Ject TO their circumstances and POSITION
TO prevent all misapplication of the sub
Jecl. we will say to the reader. we mean
you personally.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

Bill, I'll tell yer jst how much gold wish
had, and I'd be satisfied 'Well, said the inaivid
ual appealed to, go on I'll see if you got the lib
raj ideas of gentleman.
WELL Bill. wish | had much gold that it
would take seventy four gun ship, loaded down
with needles so deep, that if you put in another
needle she'd sink-and all the needles to be worn
out in making bags 10 hold my pile
'Darn it, why don't YOU wish for somethin' when
you undertake it. | wish that | had so much that
yours wouldn't pay the interest mine for the
time you could hold red hot knitting needle in
your carr
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
From the Cleveland Plaindealer.
Letter from the Itineramt
Snowman.
BALDINSvfLLE, INDY,
Eok 1Dtl, 1910

Feb. 10th, 1859.
GENfz:-Ime in a sad ~ sen:ermenGul
Mood ternIte. | thawt at lst lde kourt the
Muze & did SO try to do. but the Muze
retuzed to be kourtid IL SO me thincs III
let my thawts express themselves in Proze.
e speekin of kourlin remines me of how |
wood & one Mrs. A. Ward. which | dessay
will interest the readers of yure valerable
paper. Twas carm still mite in Joon,
when all natur was husnt d. nary Zeffer
disturbed the screen silens. | sot with the
objeck Of my hart's atfekshuns on the fens
NV her fathers pastur. L had experienced
a hankern arler her fur sum time but dar
sent perclame my pashun. Well, we sot
there on the fense, a swingin our feet two
& frow IL blushin as red as tie Baldins-
VILE skool house when it was fust painted
d lookln very cimple make no doubt
my left arm was ockupide in balunsin my
self on the fense while my rite was wo und
ed affeckshur a,ely round her waste.
Sez |, 'Suzanner | think very muchly of
yu,' & | side deaply.
Sez she How yu do run on
Sez |, Il wish there was wiuders to
my soul soz you could see sum Of my fee
Inns
| pawsed here, but AS she made no reply
| continued IN the follerin strane:
AR Good yer kna the sleepis mites I pars
on yore ackount, how vittles has seased 10
be attractive to me & how my Inns have
shrunk up, yu wouldn't dout me not by ne
means. case on this wasted form and these
sunkun ize,' | cride, jumpin up & shud
have continued some time longer probly,
but uniortinly lost my balluns & fell ov
er into the pastur ker smash, teerin my
close and severely damaging ginerally.-
Suzanner sprung to my assistance d drag
ged me fth in double quick time. Then
drawin herself up to her full hile, she
sed:
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

H.vDY ARrIcLE.-Adam Slonakcr. a number
of years ago, came to Huntingdon Furnace, and
seeing there, for the first time, pair of snuiers,
he asked:
whats them furl'
'To snuff the candle.'
80 snuff the candle?
The candle just then needed attention, and Adj
am, with his thumb and finger pnched off the
snuff, and carefully poked it into the snuliers,
saying,
We'll, now, them is handy
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
Taking it COOIIV.

AT The late Guy election in Cleveland,
the Democrats were defeated in the cleo
ton of all their candidates only Sexton.--
The Plain Dealer thus glories over their
ctctory:
Engraving Of the American flag. with
the motto, We've met the enemy and we
re thourSr1
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
The Old Printer.

more in more simple way:
The Old Printer
A Printer stood at his case one night
(And very hard case was his'n),
And his weary sight dim rs the light
OF the lamp in his dusty prison;
The wntry winds were bowling without,
And the snow falling thick and fast,
But the Printer, trow, shook his locks of snow
And laughed at the shrieking blast;
He watched the hands as the clock crept round
Keeping time with its snail like tick,
As he gathered the type with a weary click,
In his old rust eaten stick.
His hair was as white as the falling snow
And silently, day by day,
He beheld with grief, like autumn leaf,
One by one passing away
Time had cut with his plow, burrows in his brow,
His cheek was fevered and thin,
And his long roman nose could almost rcpose
Its head on its gray headed chin;
And his fingers long, as the hours stole on,
Keeping time with the clocks dull tick,
He gathered the type with weary click,
In the old rust eaten stuck
For mans long years thro' joys, thro' tears
That old Printers time battered face,
Ghostly and lean, night and morn had been seen,
Earnestly bent DER the chase.
A few Years more Death will lock up has form
And put ii 10 press in the mold,
And a stone the spot where they lay him to rot,
VIII tell us his name. and how old;
And his comerades will light the old lamp by his
case,
And list to the clock's dull tick,
As thev set up his death, with solemn tick,
In his old st-eaten stick.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

A Mt. Vernon Association has beeu
started in California.
EgMr Morill, Of Maine, has designated
the twenty inst. as Fast Day in that
State.
Eg-A vein of iron ore has been found
in the yard of the Clinton, New York,
prison.
Ts-It is rumored that Santa Anna will
be again called 10 the Presidential Chair OF
Mexico.
Es-The Peach in Ohio and Ken
tucky promises TO be an abundant yield
this season.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
The Homestead.

1t Is not as it used to be
When YOU and were young;
When round each elm and maple tree
The honey suciIlo clung;
But sill love the cottage where
passed my early years,
Though not a single face Is there
That memory endears.
1t is not as it used to be,
The moss is on the roof,
And from their nests beneath the caves
The swallows keep aloof.
The robbins-how they used to sing
When you and | were young;
And how did fit the wild bees wing
The opening flowers among!
1t is not now as it used to he.
The voices loved of yore,
And the forms we were wont to see,
We see and hear no more.
No more. alas, we look in vain,
For those to whom we cluDg,
Ard love as we can love but once,
When you and | were young.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

Mother-'IIere, Tommy, is some nice castor
oil with orange in it,
Doctor-'Now remember, don't give it all to
Tommy; leave some for me
Tommy (who mas been there doctors nice
man, ma, give all to the Doctor
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

An exchange, speaking of the treatment a
whom he was endcavorins to take the JAIL says,
she kicked and cufied him around as freely "a if
he had been her husband.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

A few years ago Prof - of Bowdoin
College, was overseer of the building of
the High School House, in Brunswick, Me-
In the cellar Of the same was a we'll, wall
ed with brick, and whose sides were con
sequently smooth One day, being left
alone in the building, he went down to the
cellar, and in haste unconsciously attempt
ed TO walk over the well, and as uncon-
sciousiy fell into it. Here was predica-
ment for any one possessing no more i'm
mortality thon college professor; standin G
In five feet of water--at the bottom Of a
well sixteen feet deep--at the bottom of a
deep cellar, with no soul in hearing dis
tance After shouting himself hoarsc. he
bethought himself of piece of chalk--a
remnant of the last recitatlon--which he
applied to the walls to solve his situation
The statement of the question was--let
equal how shall get out; g equal depth
of water; Z equal distancessto the water
and by means of his knowledge of algebra
he actually worked himself out OF the well,
wonderfully showing the power of mathe
matcs.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

The Cincinnati Gazette, OF a late date, gets off
the following:
With whiskers thick upon my face,
went my fair 10 sec;
She told me she could never love
bear faced chap like me.
shaved them clean, then called again,
And thought r'y troubles Ger,
She laughed outright, and said WAS
More bare faced than before,
Mrs Partngton thinks that old mother Ocean is
no better than she ought to be, or else she would
not allow the Atlantic cable to lay in her bosom.
a promising young couple were sitting up the
up the other night, and toward wee sma hours a.
yont the twal conversation tagged sadly. long
silence was broken by the lady, with the remark.
what an awful pause,' Her lover quickly replied,
l guess you'd have awful pauses if you worked as
hard as ! do,'
Wy LAD SAID a traveller to a little boy whom lie
met clothed IN pants and small jacket, but with
out a very necessary article of apparel, INV lad.
where is your shirtY'
'Mammy's washing it,
Have you no otncr?'
mo otherr exclaimed the urchn TO surpr;so
would you want a boy to have thousand shirts p
sWife, said a tyranncal to his much abused con-
sort, Il wish you 10 make me a pair of false bos
oms.'
Il should think, replied she that one bosom as
false yours is, would be sufficient Exit hus-
band i'm a brown study.
whats that said schoolmaster, pointin to the
letter X, Daddy's name.' No it isn't your dad
dy's name, you bockhead, it's X
I'll be darned if it haint. It's dadiy's name.
blowed if 1t aint. I've seen him write il often
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

In Wisconsin they call brbe 'pecuniary COM
pliment. and defalcation in public officer an
official conveyance
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
me descend. Very well. It's youare 90

me descend. Very well. It's youare 60
ing 10 tumble down in a moment
M. GODDARD had no time to make single
movement or put in single word. Before
he was able to divine the internal intention
of the mailman the latter, still astlide the
semi-circle, had cut--oh horror!-four of
the cordages which suspended the car of
the balloon. The car inclines horribly: it
only holds by iwo--it was by one cord, so
slight do they appear. 1t would have been
all over with NJ GODDARD if he had not
grasped desperately the two remaining
cords. The knife of the madman ap-
proachedithe last cords--yet moment and
all would be over.
Il do not ask for pardon; on the contra
what is it you wish, then?' said the
madman astonished.
AT this moment continued the eronaut
hurriedly, we are at the height Of 5000
feet
Stop said the madman, that will be
charming to tumble down from such a
height
Yes said NJ. GODDARD, my experience
as an eronaut has taught me- that death is
elevation. Tumble for tumble, | much
prefer TO fall from such height as to be
killed out right, rather than risk being on
ly lamed have the charity to preci pilate me
from a height of 5000 feet
'Ah, that will do said the mailman,
which the mention of a more horrible tall
charmed amazingly.
NJ GoIard followed hercically his pur-
pose, and throws over an enormous guam
tity Of ballast. The balloon makes pow
ferful bound and mounts 500 ieet in few
seconds. While the mailman surveys this
this operation with a menacing air, the e-
ronaut thinks 10 accomplish another quito
to the contrary The quick eye of NJ
GODDARD had remarked that amongst the
cords spared by the madman, figures the
one leading to the valve. His plan is ia
ken. He draws the cord; it opens the
valve the upper part of the balloon for the
purpose of allowing any excess OF the hy-
drogen gas TO escape, and the result which
he hoped for, was not long in making it
self apparent. Little by little tie mad
man became drowsy, asphyxiated, and in
sensible by the vapors of the gas which
surrounded him.
The mailman being sufficiently asphyxi-
ated for that purpose, NJ. GODDARD allows
the balloon to descend slowly to the ground.
The drama is finished!
Arrived on terra iirma, NJ. GODDARD not
having any hatred to the author of his per-
ilous voyage. hastened to restore him to
animation, and had him conveyed, hands
and feet bound, to the neighboring station.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21

Byron was disenchanted when he saw his inamo-
rata eating. In other words, he faltered when
youth and beauty were at steak.
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
8uslntss Cards.
Bank OF THE STATE OF INDIANA,
BRANCH AT PLYMOUTH, IND.

E. S. ORGAN, Pres. II. ARLY, Cashier
EASTERN EXCHANGE, Draft, 1cin-
natl and Chicago. Gold and Silver, Cncur
rent Money and Land Warrants
BO u G. III L A N d S o L D.
IL Deposits Received and Money Loaned.
Il Exchange on Europe bought and sold.
IL Attention given To Collections. and
General Banking Business Transacted.
June %, 1858. 81
Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-21
SeletteS Qoetrp.

We don't often meet with more touching effu-
sion than this smile lay, or one that expresses
more in a more simple way:
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1859-02-18
Fever and Ague,

nom which mankind suffer over largo part Of
the globe, " the consequence of diseased action
in the system, induced by the poisonous miasm Of
vegetable decay. This oxhalatOn is evolved by
the action Of solar heat on wet SOIL and rises with
tho watery vapor from t. While the sun Is below
the horizon this vapor lngers near the earth sur
face, and the virns Is taken with Il through the
lungs into the blood There Il acts as on irritating
poison on the internal vseera and excretng organs
Of the body. The liver becomes torpid and fails TO
Hocrete not only this virus, but also the bile rom
the blood. Both the virus and the bile accumulate
In the circulation, and produce violent conshtu-
tional disorder. The spleen, the kidneys, and the
stomach syInpathiye with the liver, and become
disordered also. Finally, the instinct Of our. or
ganisn, as II In an attempt 70 expel the noxioua
infusion, concentrates the whole blood Of the body
In the Interval oxcreories 20 force them to cast II
out The blood leaves the surface and rushes to
the central organs with congestive violence. This
is the CHILL. But in this effort 1t fails Then the
FEVER follows, in which the blood leaves the con-
trail organs and rushes TO the surface, as II in
another effort to cxpel the irritating poison through
that other great excretory the skin. In this
also 1t fails, and the system abandons the attempt
exhausted and waits for the recovery Of strength
20 repeat the hopeless effort another day. These
are the fits or paroxysms Of FEVER AND AGuB
Such constitutional disorder win OF course under
mine the health IL Il is not removed.
We have labored to And. and have found, an
antidote.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1859-02-18

uYma no rmH rLowEns.

nv nonArn SMITH,
psfsnp,i thN oro youf hovnieas EYES to twinkie
ffom iaisoo~ gaiasicu ofearlh's creation,
And dsk.dropa % erioaely ailsu sprlnEis
Asslioason.
~ massn ~ofrbIppersi Who bending ioxiy
Bsforsths upfiseu son, Gods ibllesseyu
rhrow fron your chAllcei sweet and holy
Incense on hsh.
N, N+lstt Mosasesi that with stored bcauty
The asot o. fNature'A temple tesssiete--
what numerous emblems of Instructive day
Your forms eres,eI
Meath cicu,ured boarbs eact acrn bell shat Suinssth
Ana toll H. perfume on the passing air.
KnAcs Sabbath in the heids and everringeih
call to prayer.
Not 70 The dorues where crambling arch and column
Attest the feebieness Of mortal hand,
But 70 that faee, most catholic and solemn,
Which God hath planned;
To that cathedral, boundleHs rs our wonder,
whose qnsnchlesa nmps the sun and moon supply
Itu choir the Wind and waves its organ thunder
il' dome the shy.
There. a IN solitude and shade wander
Throaeh the green asies, stretched upon the sod,
Awsa By the silence rsretently ponder
The ways Of God.
Your voiesess TIPS Oh Fiowersi living preachers,
Each cup paipit every leaf book,
Supplying to my fancy, numerous teachers
From loniiest nook.
FLORAL Apostissi that IN devy sp,sndor,
aweep without woo and blush vithouta crime"
on mas deeply learn, sud ner surrender
Your love subiimei
~rhou vert not Solomon, in allthy glory