Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-07-22
BY JOHN MAHIN.

tisements.
~All transient advertisements must be pai'
for in adv vance.
Funnygraphs.
~ s'Mother," said little boy, ''I'u
tired of this pug nose; it's growing puggel
and pugger, every day."
Why is man who spoils his children
ike one who builds castles in the air
kaze he INDUCES in fancy too much.
~"Massa! Massa! !" exclaimed slave,
on the appe arance of snow at New Orleans,
in the winter Of 1851, ''it am raining cot
ton 20
~A young Tennessee girl recently mar
ried stranger, alleging that she should
have plenty of time to become acquainted
with him afterwards.
QTA Yankee who had seen Powers
Greek Slave, was asked if he was not in
raptures with it. swell, to tell tn, truth }"
he replied, Il never did care mech about
stone gals"
~WhJ is the Ohio river like an unfor-
tunate drunkard Because it takes so much
Monongahela, that it passes along Wheel
ing, receives Licking ., Cincinnati, and
.falls at Louisville.
"What object do you now see -
asked doctor of his patient. The young
man hesitated for few moments, and then
replied: ut appears like ajackass, doctor,
but rather think it is your shodow.
~How characteristic it was of that
good pious old woman, Mis-. -, when
she declined praying for the downfall of
Satan's kingdom, because ''she hated to see
anything wasted ~
~"Pa, how long does the legislature
set?" ssThree or four months, my son."
"What set Of geese, they must be; our
geese set oply Eve weeks!' cit is getting
late, my son, yon had better retire."
p@A young fsrist being asked by his
"Msry Ann" what flower he was most
partial too, pressed her to his vest, and ex-
claimed: ''Give me thee Polly Ann, thus !"
(the polyanthus) She was soon transplant
ted to his fower-patch-ah
UA druggist sent his Irish porter into a
darkened cellar. Soon after, hearing noise,
he went to an opening, and called out -
"Patrick, keep your eyes skinned 20 "Och!
0iver an eye," roared Patrick, s'but the
nose of me, that's skint entirely"
tTA greeny seeing for the first time q
pair OF snuffers, asked
"Whst's them for r.
ITO snuff the CANDLE"
'"To snuff the candle2'
The candle just then needed attention,
and with his thumb and finger, he pinched
off the snuff and carefully poked it into the
snuffers, saying:
"Well, now them is handy!''
A VARIETY OF DEvlLs.-There are many
devils that walk this world. In the langua-
ge of the old poet, we have
Devils great and devils small,
Devils with tails and devils without;
Devils who whisper, devils who shout,
Devils who mistify, devils who teach,
Devils who pray, and devils who preach
But the lying devil, who takes his perch
On the highest seat in the highest church,
And makes his religion the means of ends
For coneeali ng his guilt and betraying his
friends,
And effects devotion his soul abh,rs,
His morality squaring BY statute laws,
ls the shabbiest devil Of all.
recently took place in San Francisco
hauled up tor fighting; that is, fifty were
fellow who had been fighting, but they all
answered to the name Of John, and more
over looked 80 much alike that it was as
difficult an operation as counting the Pad
dy's pig. One Of them spoke English, and
was interregate'l As follows:
Lawyer-Where were you?
Chnaman-Me up stairs.
Lawyer How did you get there?
Gh;no,nan RI IN yn mn a sfpna
Lawyer-Was there great crowd ia the
house?
Ohinaman-Yes; two, three, fifteen.
Lawyer--Was the house tull inside?
Chinaman-No; house full outside!
The lawyer didn't ask John any more
questions, and the case was dismissed.
AcousTloAL BLUNDER.-A man lately went
to post office somewhere down East, and
putting his mouth close up tO the delivery
box, cried out, s'Louder.' The clerk sup
posing the man deaf and desiring to be
spoken to louder so that he might hear, ask
ed him in very high key the name of the
person for whom he wanted Q letter.
Louder" cried the man. a'
- s'What name |" yelled the clerk.
s'Louder!" bawled the man, who now
thought the clerk to be deaf.
The clerk took long breath, and with all
Ais might again beloved out right in the
snan's face: "What name9" This was
spoken in 50 loud . tone, that it brought an
echo from the far off hills.
The man started back in alarm, then re-
covering himself he shouted at tho top of his
izngs: "L,uder, sir-Louder! / told you
Louder my Da,ne is nothing else -
"Ohj ah-O, ho!" said the clerk, confu
sed'y-.'your name is Louder, eh? Didn't
for moment think Of that! Here's your
letter Mr.. Louder"
TIE LATEST sLEDoER" SroRY.-The Salem
.(Aass.) Register tells good story of a
teacher in . district school in that neigh.
borhood, who is in the habit of questioning
the children under his charge as to what
they know of various historical characters
they happen to meet with in their books
A few days ago the name of Washington
occurred in the morning lessor, and those
who had anything to say ebout him were
asked to raise their hands, Of course or
went ell hands, aud Young America once
more paid tribute to him who was .First in. ,
etc.
.sIle never told lie /" shouted one.
cate out Of tin plate all through tht
warp
"Never smiled for nine years." cried O
third.
.'IIe was the father of his country" pipet
scveral.
edward Everett is getting money to buy
his grave, ,s-and so forth.
''Now, them" said the teacher, s'who ca,
tell me about Edward Everett 2"
No hand was raised.
The teacher, somewhat surprised-"Is n
one here who kno VS. anything about Edwar
Everett Z" No hand was up. al a1.