The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1859-08-26
SENSIBLE ADVICE.


Mrs. Hale, inher Receipt Book, tells
"How to Treat Wife," thus--"First,
get wife, second, be patient
Now while we admit that the above
is very good advice, she ought to have
enlarged on it. It is an excellent
text, and may be made the foundation
of a NEGRO sermonn First, she
should by all means have told how to
get wife, as we are very anxious to
know, and there are many waysto bring
about this desirable result, But be-
fore.we ge farther, we deem it our duty
to warn our readers against getting the
wife of some other chap. as such match
markings" are not so ''yery NICE" Be-
sides being immoral and unfair, it is
slightly dangerous, and has caused
some fne fellows to get their heads
punched, and some few have carried
the matter so far as to get killed about
it, which is by no means $50 sweet"
And it sometimes raises a devil Of a
fuss in family, as in the case of Paris,
who carried off Helen, wife of Menelaus,
thereby causing the ten years Trojan
war, the destruction of Troy, and his
own death by the arrow of Philoetites.
Or we might mention the case Of Key,
who was ''sbot down like dog" for
taking the wife Of siekles. 1t is true,
Siokles has taken his wife back again,
but that don't help Key cut any.
Our readers viii therefore DO we'll
not to take another mans wife, but get
one of their own, or, they /" might
accidentally, get into row" Ifyou
rake particular" fancy to another
mans wife, you may manage some way
to get him shot, as David did Uriah,
and then take the widow, but we would
not advise you on this subject, as it is
very tieklish and uncertain business.
The better way is to find young girl
any age will do, from sixteen to sixty,
or older, according to taste,-and when
you have found her, get her, if posi-
bic. f you viii act right, and talk
to her ike dutch Uncle" perhaps
she will take to you as naturally as
young mnsk-rat to water; if not, you
must try the powers of persuasion, ar
gument, money, love in cottage, and
all other fair means. When you have
got her consent, get her fathers, and if
you can't do that, take her anyhow
taking care, in the meantime, that the
old gentleman don't make your vitals
rather too familiar with cold lead.
Well, having got the wife, and well
of it, the next thing is to be patient
That's an important consideration. IF
you should come home and find no din
ner cooked, just keep cool-it viii be
good when it does come, and if it fails
to come at all, remember that you have.
saved that much. If You put on your
shirt and find no buttons, take it pa
tientiy; you won't have the trouble of
buttoning and unbuttoning, and you
will also save the price of buttons and
thread. And if at any time your wife
should take it into her Uranium to
comb your head with stool. or brush
your coat with the bronln-stiek, don't
get into passion about it. Reurem-
Der that she needs exercise, and must
have it, besides it is yourduty to please
her, aad if such innocent amusements
afford her any qualification, it would
be ungenerous in you to deprive her
of them Be patient.
We might enlarge on the subject,
but suppose our readers can see the
propriety of the aext, and draw their
own deductions therefrom.