The eastern clarion. [volume] (Paulding, Miss.) 1837-1863, 1859-05-18
Cousin Sslly Dnlard.
BY HAMILTON c. JONES.

BY HAMILTON c. JONES.
1t is long time since Cousin Sally Dill |
lard was first introduced to the reading
public, and as she is probably unknown to
many of the younger portion of the pre-
sent generation, we shall probably be ex-
cused by them for affording the opportu-
nifty of making her acquaintance, an event
which usually results in good, hearty
laugh;
,Sceae-C6urt Of Justice in North Carolina.
A beardless disciple of Themis rises and
| thus addresses the Court: MAY it please
your worships and you, gentlemen of the
| Jury, since it has been my fortune (good
or bad, T will not say to exercise myself
| in legal disquisitions, it has never befallen
me to be obliged to prosecute so direful,
marked, an assault. A more willful, Yio-
lent dangerous battery, and finally,
more diabolical breach of the peace has
seldom happened in a civilized country,
and dare say it has seldom been your
duty to pass upon one so shockingto bene-
VIOLENT feelings, as this which took place
over at Captain Rice's in this county. But
| YOU will hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and deposed. One said
that he heard the noise and did not see
the fight, another that he seen the row
but didn't know who struck first, and
third that he was very drunk and couldn't
say much about the skrimage.
Laacyer ChopS-I am, sorry, gentlemen,
to have occupied your time with the stu
piditv of the witnesses examined. 1t
arises, gentlemen, altogether from misap-
| L. nA I
as | do, that had a witness in attendance
who was well acquainted with all the cir
cumstances of the case, and who was able
to make himself clearly understood by
the court and jury, should not so long
have trespassed upon your time and
patience. Come forward, Mr.. Harris,
and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, fat
shutfy old man, a 'leettle" corned, and
took his oath with an air.
Chops-Mr. Harris, we wish you to tel
about the riot that happened the othel
day at Captain Rice's, and, as good dea
of time has already been wasted in cir
cumlocution, we wish you to be compen
: dious, and at the same time as explicit a
!; possible.
l Mr.. Harris -Adzacktly, giving the law
yer, a knowing wink, and at the sam
time clearing his throat) Captain Ric
!, he gin treat, and cousin Sally Dillart
she come over to our house and axed m
if my wife she moutn't go? | told cousi1
Sally billiard that my wife was poorly
being as how she had a touch of the rheU
mates in the hip, and the big swamp wa
r in the road, and the big swamp was W
for there had been a heap of rain lately
but, howsoever, as it was she, cousin Sail
billiard, my wife she mout go. Well, col
sin Sally billiard then axed me if Mos
= he moutn't go? l told cousin Sally Di
It lard that he was the foreman of the cral
$ and the crap was smartly in the grass
Ie but howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sa
n ly billiard, Nose he mout go.
# ChopS-In the name of common sens
d Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this ri
d marole?
5 Witness-Captain Rice he gin trea
70 and cousin Sally billiard she come over
o our house and axed me if my wife 81
a. moutn't go? told cousin Sally Dillard-
n HopS-Stop, sir, if you please; we don
b. want to hear anything about your cous
er Sally billiard and your wife tell us abo1
7e the fight at Rice's.
Witness-Well, Twill, sir, if you will
I'd | me.
Nv ChOps-Well, sir, 90 on.
WtneSS-Well, sir Captain Rice he g
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she cor
to our house and axed me if my wife s
= moutn't GO
ChopS-There it is again. Witness plea
ne to stop.
We WitneSS-Well, sir, what do you want
~ ChopS-We want to know about t
ut fight, and you must not proceed in Il
ms impertinent story. Do you know ar
70 thing about the matter before the cour
~ WitnesS-To be sure do.
'io C,opS-Well, you go on and tell it, al
ny nothing else.
oy Wtt,,ess-Wen, Captain Rice he gin
treat
ChopS-This is intolerable May it plea
the Court | move that that witness
committed for a contempt; he seems
be trifing with this Court:
Coort-Witness, you are before col
EN- of Justice, and unless you behave yo
self in a more becoming manner you "
nm be sent to jail so begin and tell wi
e of YOU know about the fight at Captain Rice
nal Witness (alarmed) We'll, gentlem'
is, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and cou'
the Sally Dillard-
IS Chops-I hope the witness may be ord
dp- eu INTO CuSlOuN.
t to Court, latter celebrating Mr.. Attorn
nty the Court is of the opinion that we n
, to save time by letting the witness go on
me his own way Proceed, Mr.. Harris, W
ged your story, but stick to the point.
-ix; Witncss-Yes, gentlemen. Well, c
fac tain Rice he gin treat, and cousin IA
ties billiard come over to our house and aN
ate, me if my wife she moutn't go? l t
ac- cousin Sally billiard that my wife she '
n poorly, being as how she had the rheul
tics in the hip, and the big swamp was
but howsomever, as it was she, cou
K. Sally billiard, my wife she mout go. w
it cousin Sally billiard, then axed me
- Nose he moutn't go. | told cousin s
billiard as how Nose he was the forer
- of the crap, and the crap was smartly
! the grass, but, howsoever, as it was
car cousin Sally Dillard-Mose he mout
mp SO they goes on together, Nose, my v
h of and cousin Sally billiard, and they c,
pur- to the big swamp, and it was up as
hen telling you; but being as how there W
tate, log across the big swamp, cousin Sally
-ule. lard and Nose like genteel folks,
;. walked the log, but my wife hoisted
nch- coats and waded through
Eyes, ChopS-Heaven and earth, this Is
elgh bad but 60 on.
very Wih1ess-Well that's all knoa0 about
suit fight.
gam - Nj,