The penny press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1859-1860, 1859-08-31
How 4 COurted Sal.

sneaklng kindness i0r me, DuC now 70 90
the thing up rite pestered me orful-l got
sum luv books, and red how the fellers
got down on their marrerbones and talked
like polks, and how the gals they wud &c
inter sorter trance, and then how they
would gently fall inter the feller' arms,
but sumhow or uther, that way didn't suite
my notion. | axed man how dad corted
her, but she said it had been so long that
she'd forgot all about it. (Uncle Joe
alters says nam dun all the cortin. At
lastl made up my mind to so it blind, fur
this thing was fairly a consumin my
innards; so / goes over to her daddy's
CHATS sals) and when | got there, set
like a fool thinking how to begin. Sal
saw sumthing was troublin me, and ses,
Ses she, Saint you sick, Peter?"
She said this mighty soft like.
"Yes-no" sez |, "that isl amt ad-
zactly well-I thought I'd come over to-
mite" ses |.
That nifty putty beginning, any how,
thinks L so | tried again.
"Sal," says |, and by this time l felt
nifty faint and Uneasy like about the
squizerinctum.
"What," says Sal.
"Sal," says | again.
"What," says she.
I'll get to il arter awhile ut this lick,
thinks |.
"Petcr," says she, there's sumthin a
trublin you powerful, no, it's nifty rong
for you to keep it from body, fur an
innard sorrer is consumin fire
She said this, she did, the dear sly
critter-shc noed what was the matter all
the time nifty well, and was jist tryin to
fish it out, but | was so far gone, | didn't
see the pint. At last l serter gulphed
down the Jumps as was risin in my throat
and SEES
Ses |, "Sal, does you love emmy body?'
"Well," says she, thar's dad and man;
an "a countin on her fingers all the time
with her se sorter sot like feller shootin
ov gun) and thars old Pide, Chat war
an old COW ov hern, an l can't think Nv
emmy body else .jis now, ses She
Now, this wus orful for fcller ded in
love, so arter awhile l tried another shute
Ses /, "Sal, I'm powerful lonesum at
home, an sumtimes think ef only had
wife to luv and talk to an to move an
have my being with, | would be tre-
mendous feller.
With that she begins and names over
all the gals in five miles OF thar, and never
wunst comes nigh namin NV herself and
sed orter git wun Of them. This sorter
got my dander up, so hitched my cheer
up close to hern, and shet my ise an sed-
"Sal, you are the very gal Use been
hankerin arter for long time. | love
you all over from the sole Of your head to
the foot Of your crown: an don't care
who noes it, and eff you say 50, we'll be
joined on together in the holy bons of
matrimony, epluribus unum, world with
out end, amen" ses ]; and felt like Id
thrown up an alligator-I felt relieved.
With that she fetched sor.er scream,
and arter a while says:
Ses she, "Peter."
"What Sally" says !.
"Yes, ses she, hiden NV her putty
face behind her hands. You may depend
on it felt good.
"Glory, glory" says |. "l must holler
Sal, or I'll bust wide OPEN ioorah for
hooray-[ kin jump over ten rale fence,
| kin but bull off the bridge, and kin do
any and everything that any other Teller
ever could, would, should, or orter do.
With that | sorter sloshed miself down
by her, and clintched the bargain with q
kiss, and sich kiss-talk about yore sugar
talk about yore merlasses-talk about
yer blackberry jam--you couldn't cot
me to cum nigh-they wud all tasted
sour arter that,
Oh, these wimmin how good and how
bad, how high and how low t,ey make n
feller feel CT SAILS daddy hadn't ho!lereJ
out it was time for honest folks to be in
bed, | do believe that I'd staid all nirht
You orter seed me when got hum.
pulled dad outer bed and hugged him,
pulled nam outer bed and hugged her.
pulled aunt Jane outer bed and hurrcd
her. | roared L snorted, | cavorted, |
LATED and | hollcred. [ crode like a
rooster, dansed about and cut up more
capers than you ever hearn tell on, tiIl
dad thought l was crazy; and got Il rope
to ii me with.
dad, " ses | "pm swino to be
marrid." ..' ~
"Marridr' bawled dad
"Marrid!' squalled nam.
"MarridP' squeaked aunt Jane a
"Yes, marrid," ses l, "marrid all over
marrid to be shore; marrid like a ansh.
jined in wedlock hooked on for better ~.
fur wusser, for life and for deth to Sal i 7
am, that very thing; me, Peter Spor,m
Esq. ,.. "'n'
With that [ ups and tells EN- all about
it, from Alpher to Omeger. Thev wus all
mitile pleased, and nifty willin an | want
to bed as proud as young rooster with
his first spurs: Oh, Johosophat! but didn't
feel good, and kept gittin that wav all
mite. Ididn't sleep wink, but kent q
rollin about and thinkin and thinkip. till !
felt my cup Nv happiness full, pressed al I'd
packed down, and runnin over I'm II
you sum Nv these days, Nv the weddin I, an
all Of that, an how / dun, and how Ial
she dun, an how all dun, and so foul :th