The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-09-07
Miscellaneous Items.

- The steamer Ericsson has been sold
for the Nicaragua route, for $4,000. %
- A pipe, like quack doctor, is moth
ing unless it is pufed.- -,k &
Why is new born baby like a gale
of -windG Because it begins with squall.
= The remembrance of past happiness
is the wrinkling of the soul.
= Why is hen immortal? Because
her "son never SETS"
- Whose best works are most tram
pied upon? A shoemaker's, because COED
shoes last longer than bad ones.
ls- Our joy cannot find in any arith-
metic how to calculate the "weight of in
dignation."
= The whole number of Indians at
present in this country is estimated at
100000. -1
60 Five out of the six Democratic nom
.inees for Congress, in Georgia, were form
erly Wings. +rL
In Richmond, Virginia, Sl2, 900 has
been raised towards the erection of an
asylum for orphan boys.
= There is no lock that requires such
careful picking" as wedlock. In most
cases a key of brass is found to fit it best.
- A man can not possess anything
that is better than q good woman, nor
anything that is worse than bad one.
: Why is vain young lady like a
confirmed drunkard? Because neither of
them is satisfied with the moderate use of
the glass.
- Ladies, do you want veal? In q
matrimonial advertisement now before us,
a fellow states that she is in the mar
ket."
= The New York Tribune says the
Republican party is just now in state of
suspense. That is the case with all Grim
mals when the jury is out.
- Miss Nancy says man is good for
nothing until he is married, and, accord
ing to her experience, he is only worth as
much again when he is. a
- Somebody says that snoring is the
spontaneous escape of those malignant
feelings which the sleeper has no time 10
vent when awake"
The Michigan State Land Commits
sioner gives notice that he shall reserve
for sale all lands known or supposed to
contain minerals.
q, "A preacher lately said in his ser
mon: "Let women remember, while
putting on their profuse and expensive
attire, how narrow are the gates of para
disc"
-"Is Mr.. Smith ing" asked an Irish
man. "No," was the reply; "WiIl you
leave your name" "Oeh, murther =
Do you think Id be afther going home
without namc9" rejoined Pat.
- II is reported the last words of
Humboldt, as the sun shone brilliantly in
to the room where he died, addressed to
his neice, were, How grand those rays;
they seem to bcckon Earth TO Heaven :"
- Hiram Powers celebrated statue,
the Greek Slave, was sold at public auc-
ton in Loudon. after spirited competi-
ton, to the Duke of Cleveland, for nine
thousand dollars.
: A colored lady was arrested in New
York for stealing parasol. She offered
an excuse to the magistrate that the sun
was spelling her complexion. He took
pity on her and sent her to prison for six
months, to enable her TO bleach.
CHURCHES CLosED.-It is stated that,
in and about New York, no less than
three hundred churches are closed the
present month, owing TO the absence Of
their pastors, who are taking an airing il
the country. A 4
- Never contradict n woman wher
she is abusing her husband. Never read
your letters just before going to bed, fol
they may damage your sleep. Never
ask favor of n man until he has dined,
unless you want to get refused.
"A boulder weighing about two lbs
was found under the shirt bosom Of a col
ored individual arrested in row. .On
being questioned rs to how it came IN his
possession, he exclaimed with n look o1
blank astonishment: "Dats Just what
I'd like to know how that Internal dor
nick got inter my buzum. l 'spect some
dem niggers must have frowd it dar."
= The Grand Rapids Enquirer d
Herald says the steamboat Porter ha:
been got over the rapids, and is now ly'
ing at the lower landing. A gang o
workmen commenced overhauling her yes
terday morning. She will be thoroughly
repaired and refitted, after which it is ex
pected the Muskegon river will be favored
with her company.
DRowNED.-Captain George 1 Brow
was drowned at Pawtucket on Monday
of last week, by singular accident. H'
was on the shore, fishing for bait, wher