Des Arc citizen., 1859-07-20
x1scnI1Ax1oUs 1TR1s.

The greatest instance of inpodshes On record is that of Yankee who, m ansE(jIian city, stopped religious procession to light hls cigar from one of the holy candles. s'
 --A prisoner in the dock, upon one otea- sion, was observed to be in tears. @Whyfds you weep ?" inquired the Judgss- "Ahi my lord, 1t was not till heard my codnsslS ds- fense, that I knew how innocent l wss. .'ss ss With four metallic qualifications, amsn may be pretty sure of worldly success--they are gold in his pocket, silver in his toilgus, brass In his face, and iron in his heart.s s
 -"An India Rubber shipp' sxclaimsdan old sailor who had been listening to dSscrip- ton of such proposed invention, athst nsvtr would do,s because 1t would sub out III tEs lines of latitude and Longitude, to say aysnothipg of tho equator.
 -It is fact not generally known that there arc thfrty-two bones, and neither mofs nor less, in all the divisions of the human body. Thus there are thirty-two teeth, thifty-twe spinal functions, and 50 on.s ss ss .zsss
 Certainly 1t is heaven upon sarth to have mans mind move in charity, rest in provt- dence, and turn upon tho slds, ,of. truth.
 No man was ever known to be drowned with receipt from the printer in lais poeksta.
 Mot tsillion o1 ssconds has efxpssd since the creation of Adam nor wtll that number have elapsed until larch4 10, in. ths year of our Lord 27 ,6o4, for in . trillion of seconds there arssi ,607 yssrs 7s dsys, shours, 46 minutes and 40 secontis. y's ,'ss~
 There is no landing on tho shore cf fS- lieity without sailing in the bark oe6delI Whatever you may choose to glve away; always bs sure to keep your tempaEx .ss s.s.s sss
 -ss Why is il, ]" asked Frenchman q . Switzer, ssthat you Swiss always light for money, whilewe French only fight for honor?'' ssI suppose said tho Switxsf, stthat both Gsht for what they most lack s.Ss,.s.ssst.a
 Ut Is computed that there arc about stght young ladies to every young gentlemen in ths United States.
 { ---A lady called on witty friend, who was not at home, and, finding the piano duity, wrote upon 1t "slstterny' The next day, fhsy met, and the lady said: .sI called on you yes- tsrday." "Yss; Isaw your card on ths
 Many and varied arc the fsmsls eharms tuat conquer use AeIe We uuu WQm@0 WuQoo strength, like Ssmpson's, is In her hsir, second holds your affections By her teeth. and third is . Cinderella, who wins heartS by her pretty foot.
 Why are blacksmiths tho most discon- tented of tradssmsn9 Becauss they ars slways on the strike. ~
 Why are ladies' like friends ssperatsd by different climss Becauss they colIss- pond, but never meet. Y .
 The vanity of human lifs 6 like river, constantly passidg away, shd yst eonstantly coming on. s&ssAs sAs FIT Fsss
 -lf genuine Yankee were to meet Dsath on Pale Horse he would banter him to swap horses. s.sss
 The great beauty of wife is, int E shs abuses you hersslf, shs will not lst ny one else abuse you in her presenes. ss
 -In Marion county, Illinois, . young lady offered tho following toast: < 1bs ys1sg men of Amsrica: their srms our support-ess arms their rsward." wiss V "A young and pretty lady rsmafked the other day that young man who did net take . paper, was not deserving tho aA>cttone ean amiabls woman. A ssnsibls ladyswe think.