The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1859-07-21
From the Family Journal.
MY FIRST OF APRIL.
BY JOHN PEpPERGRAss.

will commence by in forming the reader
that am quite young man OF forty years,
and have determined to live all my days in
Single blessedness in spite of the remon-
strances Of friends. and the destinations of
MI womankind. believe that the misfor-
tunes / met with OH last April lst we're in.
stIgated, thought of and planned by wo-
men, who through spite (Lecause l would
not 'ratry) engaged parties to perpctrate
the following tricks on me
live i'll house with five stories, and
desiring to have plenty of air and to be re.
moved from the noise Of city life, had Sc
iected the fifth story: I am engaged in
business and am very little at home. Well,
on the last memorable first of April, arose
early, and as usual went to my wash-stand
to take healthy and cooling drink Of wa
ter. poured out a tumLler full of clear
liquid, and at one swallow down it went ::
but it was no sooner down than up it came
thought of poison first, but remembering
orce having tasted some blue lick" soon
accounted for the sickenng sensation felt.
l seized my pitcher and threw up the win
dow and cmptied the contents, not on the
street as I intended but on an unfortu-
nate dog who went yclping down the street.
and really pltied that dog for the sudden
shower, and the confoundcd stencil Of that
"dluc lick" was euough, vulgarly speaking
"to make a dog SICK"
then went to the door and found it
locked and the key gone. Now want to
say one thing, was not intoxicated the
night before. I never drink spirituous IL
quors, and how that door key got on the
outside Of my door (Which perceived OH
examination) was a puzzle could not
solve. Fortunately the holder Of the lock
was inside Of my room and screwed on, so
went to work and broke all the blades of
my new knife in taking it off. pulled
open the door, rushed out, and caught my
foot in a piece Of string at the head Of the
steps and took a leap "a 1t A"rluquin"
head formost down twenty steps, breaking
my pitcher to shircrs, humping my head
and arousing all the tenants Of the four
stories below some rushing ont various
parts, some poking night caps will, express
sive eyes in them from out behind their
doors, and some tind fellows set to work
and moved all the furniture they had
against the door of their room, thus barri
cading their rooms from al pirates, &c.
recovered myself and started limping
back to my room among the mut,ered
curses and jeers of the hoarders Il hate
boarders.) Even Jones whom hal told
time after time that did not drink slam
med his door saying
"Confound that Peppergrass, lie is con,
tinually getting drunk" | intend to maui
Jones the first time l catch him in dark
corner, alone.
succeeded in getting TO my room and
went to work putting on my clothes, that is
all l could find, for it seemed "old Max"
himself was into every thing. Ny panta
looms I found hanging out. my window,
beautiful sight to passers below my shoes
minus the strings were taking observations
from the top of my wardrobe my coat
had turned chimney sweep and was half
way up the chimney ; my stockings were
in my coat pocket tied up into twenty
knots my bran new hat was stuffed in a
broken pane (who broke that glass I
don't know my brush at the first rub
made me jump at least four feet in tue air
on examining my brush, found mixed up
with the birstless about dozen pins which
was quite pleasant to brush horse hair, but
did not require currying, so dispensed
all further use Of it.
went down to breakfast with face un.
washed, hair uncomLed, aud looking for all
the world like one who had been on
spree for week. There sat Jones, (how
hate him) with malicious grin on his
dried up, shallow face. sat down, and
70 make long story Short my coffee was
salted, my butter was rank, my steak was
full Of red pepper, Il never used red pep
per- and my bread was made of nasty
bran.
dumped up with an oatl', Il never ours
ed before,) flew out of the the house, mi
hus my breakfast, and started down to my
place Of business. There found q note
signed by my dear friend Higgins, asking
me to call Immediately at his house, as he
had sorrething yeryimportant to communi-
eate.e csa.t,-,- Is -. 49,.
I jumped into an omnibus, and was
landed at, Haggin 's'door, rang the bell, and
the servant came and told me that Hig-