The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1859-11-16
g @asket OF Chips.
HACKED OUT PIckED UP az aTHE sTRscRIavs

them.
- Men should not be charitable be-
yond their means
~ An empty pocket maketh poor
spirit
~ Be Independent but not ungen-
tlemanly-
** Plain men think handsome wo-
men want passion.
* Plain women think young men
want politeness.
* Dull writer's think all readers de-
void of taste.
* Dull readers tAFnk witty writers
devoid of brilliancy.
~ 1t is not what people gain, but
what they save that makes them rich.
* Ii is not what people eat, but
what they digest that makes them
strong
TX 1t IS not what people read, but
what they remember that makes them
learned.
** 1t is not what people profess, but
what they practice that makes them
righteous Hee w
* No man can avoid his own CON-
pany-so he had best make it as good
as possible.
* A lady describing an ill-natured
man says, he never smiles, but he
| feels ashamed of it.p
* A waggish friend writing from
the lumber districts, says the late. Sc
we're weather has not injured the shan
gle crop materially.
~ Why are young ladies at the
breaking mp of party like orroa0s z
Because they can't go off without
beau, and are in quaUer till they get
one. e-...; 81.
Xxx A SON OF the Emerald isle being
asked how he received black eye;
answered, "Aisy enuf dirthy blag-
gard sthruck me kick on de head wild
club"
~ The Superintendent of the York
& Erie r. R. telegraph line perpe-
trates some queer jokes. In furnish
ing markets to the Associated Press
along the line, he quotes Whisky at
27cts then goes up, and then goes.
doa0n. 81. .q
** Al comedian, in passing a wooden
bowl mandatory, stumbled over a
a small vessel The proprietor who was
a wag, said, "My friend, you have
at last kicked tie bucket" ST beg.
pardon, sir" said the comedian, Z" I
have only turned a little paSI.r Ias.
**s" P-s-a--l-n what does that
SPELL" said a pedagogue to a class Of
|. . = - l. . 3 -f-f
juvenile underground.
Il know spoke out little bright
eyed chap .. -
Well, out with It. " lsi
".P-e-G-slane."
**A "seedy" individual with a
brick-coIor moustache, and a 'ebrick in
his hat,o inquired of the landlord of
one of our hotels, whether he had an
almanac about his clothes . b.
"What do you wish to see,7' said
the landlord &
"Well, hang it-hie-I would like
to see when the stage-hic-leaves
for Doylestown. a1 wk II lrt.
~ CoNsoLING.4@W hat's the mather,
Jammy; You lax as bdoa you had bin
to your first wife's funeral"
Mather enuf, my honey you
know poor Paddy McShane, don't
you"
" Diyil man BETTER
Well, Goodness has saen fit to take
him from dis wurld. "a
" And is that all sure and if Good
ness had known him as well as do,
he'd left him in dis country spell
longer"
* A disconsolate lover or victim of
unrequited love, sends us the following
stanzas for insertion in the Press.
They occupy an unlucky sheet of fools
cap, and we judge from the strain in
which they are written that the author
has lately /" gin up all idea of the VIM
min folks Hear him -
80, wimmin, wimmin, fur thi smiles
What not has frail man dun?
He's Travelled 40 thousand miles aT
| Ava frum his swete hum
And then wood hev tn scamper back
With awl his mite and maine,
Fur feer that you had scuted oph
! - With sum other luv sick swain
And hev known sum, flew,
| Jist bye your advisin',
That were prevailed upon tn take
A cup or three of pizen;
| And one Pelitiah Shuttuek. who, IS
Fur Squire Dunkin's darter
Took run, hop. step. and jumped
Kersplash rite in the water.
But am knot quite SIGH fool
As the aforesaid mentioned,
Awltho mi grandad hung himself
Fur the luv gal inventioned.
And you may awl to Texas 60,
shall knot cry nor take-on,
But be content tn live alone
Since / hev saved mi bacon.