Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-01-21
Singular Letter of a suicide.

John A. Tucker, of Georgia. who commit
ted suicide while canvassing the State as
democratic candidate for judge, addressed the
following letter to the editor of the Columbus
Times Just before his death, We suppose
the evil which he cenfesses he had not the
nerve to overcome, and to which he preferred
death by his own hand, was a passion for
strong drink: - O..
-....-N DAWSON, Ca, Dec. 16.
l am about to do thing which l have had
in contemplation since 1S48-viz: to rid the
world of me, and to rid the world of an exis-
tence useless to me and derogatory to others.
And, Mr. Editor, how dare you, or any Of
your kind readers say, it is weak, or wrong,
or unmanly, to perform the act am about to
perform? Life is burden to me-has been
for years. am driven on by destiny l
have no power to control. Don't say to me,
''it is your fault-you could act differently"
1t is untrue. l always wished to act differ
emily. l have prayed to God to help me to
act differently. He knows my wish and pur-
pose was to be good man. That | have
prayed for from boyhood and yet | have
not been a good man. "There is divinity
that shapes our ends" There is power
that drives us on like feather before the
wind and we have as little power to direct
our course as the feather in the gale
Now, with all my sins, follies and vices
clinging to my skirts, am going unbidden
into the presence of my God, to ask him why
am not the man always desired to be; to
ask what punishment | am to receive for
knowing my duty, desiring to perform it,
and yet not having the nerve to do it. Don't
say am drunk either, for it is not so. : tell
you, Peyton Colquitt, that | am doing this
thing upon reflection. lay all night think
ing Of it. | have looked ut all the reasons
for and against it. In some respects | have
been successful man. AS certain as the
world stands, | would beat the race for Judge
by more than the democratic majority. That
is not the thing with me. l would not live
to be President of the Unit>d States, unless
could be the man wish to be. From a
boy, wished to be great and good mana
man exerting a great salutary moral influence
on mankind. But as it is, | am shedding
death-shade and mldew from the high places
in the land. "
would have waited till got home, but |
knew it would not do. | would then have
discharged the duties I owe to myself and
maj, kind. could not part with my wife and
little ones. Several times in the last few
wears, have prepared myself for this event
at home. when my wife knew nothing OF it..
But, to look at the children, and hear them
say "Pa," or to look at smiling affectlonate
wife, that anticipated my wlshes-that for
gave thousand follies-that did not one un-
kind act-I did not have the courage to pro-
ceed. But believing as do, that my depar-
ture from this life will benefit my family, as
we'll as others, am going to die here to-day.
have plenty of friends who will be sorry
for this but to one and all Of them, [ say,
John A. Tucker never professed friendship
for any one that he deserted in the hour of
trial. My wife and my little ones COM
mend. to your care, r@.s' 1869 TUCKER