Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-04-22
WIT AND HUMOIs.

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WIT AND IIUMOK.
EA gentleman asked negro if he
would not have a pinch of snuff. "No,"r
piled the darkey respectfully. "me tank you
-Pomp's nose not hungry"
~"I declare" said Brown to Robinson,
YOURSELF "Ah, my FRIEND" said Robins
son, ''all the world knows that you are
.tatter-er!"
~"Mr. President" said a member of a
school committee out west, 81 rise to get
up, and am not backward to come forward
in the cause Of edication. Had it not been
TOR edication might have been as ignorant
as yourself, Mr.. President"
sGA young declaimer at ono of our
began the recitation of a familiar poem af-
name is Death" ''Reaper, john" said
planned that he thought it was ripper, be-
cause he had such a ripper of a knife in his
hand, and then continued his defamation.
wMany anecdotes are told of the mis-
takes of Frenchmen, but here is the best we
have ever seen
A Frenchman once saw a gentleman walk
I'D to an open snuff box in the hands of an
other, and take a pinch of snuff; having
prefaced the act with the words, ''may Itake
the liberty I" The next day the French
man went into tobacco shop, aud asked
the lady in attendance for a half a pound of
liberty!
WELL To1(r)D.-sDick, did you toll far
mer Gray's grist ?" asked an honest old mil
ler Of his son, one day, in their mill.
eyes, SIR" said Dick.
"Did you toll it, Tom ?" he asked of an
other son.
"Yes, sir" was the response:
'sAnd you, too. Bill 20 asked the old man.
eyes, sir zee, Bob," came from Bills cor
ner.
"Well," said the miller, "you are all such
inte,nal liars, that | can't depend on
word you say, so guess I'll toll it myself,
and be sure OF it !" and he did so.
~ It was twilight. The sun had sunk
behind the western hills, and the bright
ravs which streaked the eastern horizon had
disappeared. A lovely female who had been
but ons short eek bride, and had been
led to the hymenial altar with lively antici-
pations OF future felicity, sat in secluded
apartment with her husband. She slowly
moved her sylph-like form towards the part
ner of her bosom-ralsed her delicate hand
-and-slapped his. face ,oith a dish-cloM.
The remainder of this highly interesting
story will appear in the Thunder and Light.
enino Gazette, which is written for by all
the brilliant writers in the world, and the
country adjacent.
OAro's GRAcE.-A pious old negro, say
ing grace at the table, not only asked bles-
sing on his board, but he also petitioned to
have u deficient dish supplied, Que day it
was known that Cato was out of potatoes,
and suspecting that he would pray for some
at dinner, a wag provided himself with a
small measure of these vegetables, and stole
under the window near which stood the
table of our colored friend. Soon Cato
drew chair up to the table aud commenced:
"Oh, Massa Lord, will dow in 6y provi-
dent kindness cond escend to bress ebry-
ding before US, and be pleased to bestow
upon us a few taters-and all de praise
Here the potatoes were dashed upon the
table, breaking plates and upsetting the
mustard pot.
"Dem's 'em, Lord" said Cato with sur.
prise; "only just lutf 'em down leetle
easier next time."
A Coop TAKE oFF--A writer in the Pe-
tersburgh Inielligencer makes capital hit
at a certain class of newspaper correspon-
dents who labor so industriousy to hunt up
items of talking interest for their employers
Of 90 IN nor waak There ia a certain quail
ity Of gossip which will compare favorably
with the following:
GAS walked down the street this morn.
ing spied one of the teathered tribe: vul-
carly called gander, sailing gracefully on
the placid bosom of our canal; all OF sud-
den he stuck his head down in the water
and over on his back he turned and what
sight was he News is news, but l tell you,
MI. Editor, it is very scarce ju about this
time in this town, but suppose Mr.. Sim.
mons old horse has got the scratches.
Mr.. Bass's brindle has got the hollow
horn.
Melvin Dempsy go: a ducking in the river
yesterday.
The little babies, bless their sweet soles,
are all we'll and their mam'ys also and
it is generally considered that pork will be
very high about here next yea-. heap of
passengers stopped at Happer's Hotel yes
terday, and among them was Smith O'Brine
but it is not worth while, as Quillabel or
Cyclar will have it in print before mine
will get there. will let you know when we
have the next runaway horse with some
body's cart or buggy.
Yours in much love,
TRUE LIGHT.