St. Charles City Republican intelligencer. [volume] (St. Charles City [Charles City], Iowa) 1857-1861, 1859-12-15
DIVORCED BY MISTAKE.

One evening there came to Trenton,
New Jersey, two men, named Smith
aud Jones, who had both of them de
signs on the Legislature. Jones had
bad wife and was in love with Il
pretty woman--hc wished to be di-
vurrrL from his bad wife, So that he
might marry the pretty woman, who,
hy the way, was Il widow, with black
eyes, and such Il form Therefore
Jones came to Trenton for divorce.
smith had good wife, good as an
angel, and the mother of ten children,
and Smith Did not want to be divorced,
but did want to get charter for a
turnpike or plankroad to extend from
Pigs Run 10 Tcrrapin Hollow.
Well, they, with these different cr.
rands, came to Trenton, and addressed
the assembled wisdom with the usual
arguments. First, suppers mainly
composed Of oysters with rich back
ground OF vrnIson second, liquors in
great plenty, from Jersey lightning" +"
which is a kind of locomotive at full
speed, reduced to liquor shape, to
Newark champagne. To speak in
plain prose, the divorce man gave
champagne supper, and Smith, the
turnpike man, followed with a cham
pagnc breakfast, under the notifying
influence of which the csscmblcd wis
dom passed both the divorce and turn
pike bills and Jones and Smith,
copy of each bill in their pockets
went rejoicing home, over miles of
sand, and through the tribulation Of
many stage coaches.
Smith arrived home in the evening
and as he sat i'll his parlor, his pretty
wife beside him-how pretty she did
look and five of her children over.
hearing the other five studying their
lessons i'll the corner of the room,
Smith was induced to cXpatiatc upon
the good results of his mission to
Trenton.
"A turnpike, my dear am one of
the directors aud will be president. 1t
will set me up, love we can send
our children to boarding school, and
live in style out of the toll Here is
the charter, honey
Let me see it," said the pretty lit
tie wife, who was one of the incest of
wives, with plumpness and goodness
dimplIng all over her face, "let me
see it, as she leaned over Smiths
shoulder.
But all at once Smiths visagc grew
long Smiths wife's visagc grew
black. Smith was not protanc, but
now he ripped ont an awful oath
Blast us. wife, those internal scoun,
drels at Trenton have gone and di-
vorced us
1t was too true the parchment
which he held was a bill Of divorce, in
which the names Of Smith and Smiths
wife appeared in frightfully legiblc
letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the
corner Of her apron. Here's turn
pike said she sadly, and with the
whole of our ten children staring me
in the face, | aint your wife I! Here's
IA turnpike" ....
Blast the pike and the Legislature
and the"
w Ill, the fact is that smith, reduced
to single blcsscdness, enacted into !,
stranger to his own wife, sworc aw-
fully. Although the night was dark.
and most Of the denizcnS of Smiths
town had gone to bed, Smith bid his
late wife put on her bonnet, and arm
in arm they proceeded to the clergy
man of their church
Goodness, bless me !" exclaimed
the good man as he saw them enter,-
Smith looked like the last of June
shad, Smiths wife wiped her eyes with
the corner of her apron-" Goodness
bless me, what's the matter 2"
"The matter is, l want you to mar
ry us two right off," replied Smith.
Marry you!" calculated the cler.
gyman with expanded fingers and aw'
ful eyes /; "are you drunk, or what is
the matter with you ?"
! However nc finally married them