St. Charles City Republican intelligencer. [volume] (St. Charles City [Charles City], Iowa) 1857-1861, 1859-11-03
Gomantit Skettb.
Money in the Bank.

When | went to the obscure little
village OF Grafton TO spend the forty
fifth summer Of my bachelor existence
| gave ont amoag my fashionable New
York friends, that in retiring from the
pleasures and luXurics of city life,
was only following the suggestion o.
my medical adviser. If the assertion
was falSchood, | have at least til,
consolation Of knowing it was very
small one considering who told it,
and that in the great debt and credit
account which the angels are supposco
to keep up above somewhere, it vii
never be set down against my name
for the reason that the particular page
or pages dedicated to my service being
crammcd full of larger iniquitics
there is no room for such little trash.
Now don't go to imagining me an
untruthlul person. Slight prevarica
tions are often the innocent means OF
doing Il great amount of good, and
saving amiablc people like myself
from vast deal of trouble. As a
general thing, dctcst iibbing, but |
assure the reader, that but for the deli
cate cxaggerations Of which have
had the honor Of being author, my dis
position, which is one of the sweetest
and most placid, would long ago have
been as sour as a last years churning.
In soliciting loans from ones friends,
in cvading the cruelty of thoughtless
creditors, and in the thousand-and-one
eXigencies of this mortal life, which il
would be useless to attempt to par
ticularize, slight cvasions or altcra'
tions Of the truth are indispensably
necessary. recall an instance where
should have lost an excellent board
ing-place, because ! happened to take
a fancy to go home one night in zig
gag way, instead Of following the old
fashioned method of walking straight
ahead. \ white lie saved me, not on
ly from the expected consequences ol
my eccentric style Of pcdcstrianism
but also from the wrath Of my landia
dy's daughter, whom | had mistaken
for the kitchen girl, and attempted tt
kiss on the stairs.
Pardon the depression. | merely
wished to stand fair in the eyes of the
world, and to show that, although oc
casionally for convenience sake | i'll
dulgcd i'll Il little necessary tibbng,
have yet no sympathy OF paticnc,
with persons who are not truthful
AS | said before, my temper woulC
long ago have exploded, but for these
little safety valves for letting tn,
steam off once in a while I; and as
consider it Il Christian duty to pre-
serve ones good nature at all hazards
why, my conscience never reproaches
me.
Well, went to Grafton. That's nC
lic-by my dyed beard it isn't. | wisl
it was, for thereby hangs u tale which
has made my name by-word and {
laughing-stock. Nyname Ie gods
and little fishes ! that Mathew Hcnder
son should live to write this of him
self
AS | said, | went to Grafton, and i
my medical adviser didat counsel m(
to such proceeding, he might hav,
done so, and reflected more credi
upon his profession than physicians
usually do by their prescriptions. I,
explain myself. lmust admit that
was sick. BY those individuals, VIII,
like myself, have deigned to take upoI
themselves the troublesome and res
ponsibic burden of human existence
OF, in other words, have condescendeC
to be born, and thus condescending
considering their earthly duties at al
end, and wash their hands Of all fur
ther concern i'll the matter from tina
time forward !; who think it ought t,
be the pleasure as well as the duty o
the world at large to support then
comfortably-who scorn the idea o
personal exertion as degrading, an,
look upon labor as the birthright Q
their inleriors-who manage in divers,
genteel ways, beyond the comprehen
sion of vulgar minds, to get along il
life without any visible means o
support ~ by these individuals, say
sweet fellow-suilerers have no doub
| shall be able to make myself under
stood when | reiterate the word sick.
Sick-not in body, but in mind an,
heart. Prostrated-not by physica
ILLNESS, but by the base ingratitude q