The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-04-28
My Wives Relations.
BY A SUFFERER.

can be used In double sense) can, by any
means whatever, comprehend half the mise.
ries OF married life. Ispeak Odvisedly when
| say this. have, with d recklessness un-
paralleed in the eannals of conhubial history,
united myself in the holy bonds etcetera to
no less than four distinct women. Not all
at once, after the manner of the Mofmons.
Oh, no! Heaven forbid. But one at time.
The only gleom Of happiness | ever expert.
enced was with my first wife Maria. Maria
was too good to last. Like warm day in
January, she came upon me suddenly and
Unexpectedly, and then was gone. was
happy with her because she was On orphan,
and had no living relation. All her rela
tives had been under ground years before ]
won her love. Could they have been gifted
with prophetic knowledge of the future,
and thus known that Maria would, at Ger
tain time, despite her oft repeated asser
ton that che would never marry) become d
wife, verify believe the whole crowd would
have lived on, deiying death, everything, in
order 10 torment me. II you desire any
young lady's relatives to live to q green old
age, to shrvel up into animated dust and
then blow away, just marry her. Marriage
is the elixir OF Lille to relatives. 1t fe.ahi.
mates them, but oh, how it crushes the new
member of the family.
Maria died in two weeks after our wedding
day, and the morning she died she called me
to her bedside. "Timon," said she, with /
faint aud tremulous voice, "promise me ONT
thing"
"What is it, l0ve!" l asked, my eye
blinded with te,rs.
"Promise me that you will not MARI!
ag ain, unless-unless-" her voice grew
fainter, sunless you can marry some ont
who will have no relatives. You are young
Timon," and her voice Jailed her. Sh'
gave one sigh and then gave up the ghost
She died beiure | could answer her. Will
tears in my eyes and grief in my heart, | re
turned from the cemetery to my desolat
hbihe; Ga room in a four dollar boardin,
houseJ and resolutely laced despair and th
incidental expenses Of the iuneraI, COZ
never be sufficiently grateful TO the docto
and undertaken. The enormiiy of thei
charges made me forget my grief, and
rushed forth into the world to gather 'unu
to pay them.
My second wife had two relations, whor
she had never heard OF before our maftioee
Louisa was model wife; could sing lie
lujah and make exquisite dUughnus.
Our lives were comfortable Tor ten week
after we became one bu0e il the mill Z
matrimony, and then
Pardon the Interruption, reader. M
hand uembIes, my mind, memory and con
science revolt at the record which this pc
(Hufty's pDtenD is doomed to inscrbe /
muddy ink upon slip Of pale blue pape
viii continue. hat il forget to cross m
, is or dot my is, bscribe it to the incoherei
working Of mental apparatus whose whee
creak with griel; whose boilers are owe
! flowing with agony.
And then relation appeared; emerge
from somewhere, and came down upon
and our comfort "like wolf upon the fold
> Relations, or at least mine do, come alway
), in that manner. Like fever, like pr:i
in lottery, like u summer rain, like the e:
pIosion OF powder mill, like an earlhquuk
relations inevitably come about when The
, they are least expected. They give you
\ chance to be "out of town." You cam
dodge them by any known excuse. Lii
:. lightning they are bound to strike, aud thu
der in your ears afterwards. If they wou
:, thunder first, you might take to the cou
trv or to the sea, as the inhabitants of N
ples do when Vesuvius discharges port
of its bile.
n. This relation was an aunt. Her fro
e hair gave her the appearance of thirty.h
r. years in age, her back hair gravely inform
,e you that her gray eyes would never see f
i. ty again. The aunt came, and saws
70 conquered. How she did it is one Of the
4. matters which, like the sphinx, are myst'
is les, dreadful in their reality, but to the CO
,e mon mind as unfathomable and profound.
This aunt took possession of my wife
%. Louisa wavered, consulted her religion, a
nd deserted me and went over to the enen
nd began to be qnarrelled with. l learn
i'll from my wife, who had now become lit
o. else than speaking trumpet for the ou
eir that | wasn't iii to be the husband OF sucI
en- darling flower as Louisa, (Louisa dined
corned beef and cabbage, and supped th
times week on krout,) that was "b'
ire brute," that l couldn't be too careful of 81
er- a fraiI, weak and tender plant. Louis
d. plant! A poor frail plant who, before t
We aunt appeared, could wash and iron three
lth four dozen pieces in day, besides attend
- TO the-well, won't mention the baby,
the aunt killed that, I verify believe.
ony rate, it died while the aunt was with
Ths aunt took upon herself the en-
Se' control Of the house, and had the time
az breakfast arranged so early that never
u more than cup Of cold coffee and slice
'S0 toast, crust on one side and burnt to CT
on the other; fixed the dinner hour when