The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1859-03-31
VOL. 1, NO. 81.
Nit aaa Anmor.
A Little Mistake. -" Sally, don't / like YOU p,

"
La Jim, reckon so"
"But don't you know it, Sally Don't Won
think I'd tear the eyes out of any one that dares
look at you for moment 2"
81 'spect you would"
"Well, the fact of it is, Sally, l."
"Oh, now don't Jim, you're too sudden"
And, Sally want you to-"
"Oh, hush, don't say any more"
want you to get"
"What so soon On, no. impossible Father
and mother would be angry at me-"
How be mad for doing me such a favor as
to m"
Yes, dear me Oh what feeling p
But there is some mistake for all want to
have you to do is to mend my trousers Ip-
Sally could hear no more. She threw up her
arms, and screaming Historically, tainted away
as dead as log.
Seeing the Elephant When Cousin Ichabod
first saw him at the show, be exclaimed with
mute establishment :-"Then that's the real
managerer-thei identical critter itself Wouldn't
tew onem make team to draw stun with Amt
he a scrouger !" Ichabod went home and related
what he had seen. 81 seed, +" said he, the gene
wine managerer the biggest lump of flesh that
ever stured. He had tew tails-one behind,
t'other before Philosophers call the fore one a
pronobscus He put one of his tails in my pocket
and hauled out all the gingerbread hooter
What dye think he done with it ? Why, he stuck
it in his own pocket, and began to tumble for
more, Ichabod was as unsophisticated as Hummel
Byerlip.
7 Thou art the Mana letter was received
recently in New Orleans, directed, To the big
gest fool in New Orleans"
Thepostmaster being absent, one of the young
clerks not having any idea who the biggest
fool in New Orleans was, took upon himself the
liberty of opening the letter.
Directed to the biggest fool in New Orleans,
Ell /? And what become of it inquired the
postmaster.
Why" replied the clerk, II didn't know
who the biggest fool in New Orleans was, so I
opened it myself"
"And what did you find in it inquired the
postmaster.
'"Why," replied the clerk, "nothing but the,
words, Thou art the man."
--
When Mrs. Porter was about to marry DR..
Johnson she told him with the greatest frank
ness, that she had once an uncle who was hanged.
The doctor, with great candor and courtesy,
replied that it was perfectly immaterial to him
for, though he had no uncle hanged, many of his
relatives deserved hanging
There is lady in Pennsylvania of such sweet
temper that she turns salt into sugar by touching
it. Her husband is making fortune by selling
molasses made from vinegar He buys barrel
of the liquid the lady looks in at the bung hole,
and in two days after, he sells it for sugar
house" at fifty cents gallon.
"Sal, " cried girl, looking out of the upper
story of small grocery, addressing another girl
who was trying to enter at the front door, we've
all been to camp meeting and been converted,
so when you want milk on Sunday, yod'n have
to come in the back way"
Miss, may see you home" said young
man to firt.
I" No, sir, was the short reply
"Oh, don'tmean now, but some rainy night
when can't go anywhere else."
There are still wives who sit up for their
husbands but it becomes delicate question
the sitting-up of the one is at all equal to the
sitting down the other receives when he comes
home.
An Irishman's description of a fiddle cannot
be beat 1t was the shape of a turkey, and
the size of goose, he turned it over on its
back and rubbed its belly with stick, and och /
St. Patrick, how it did squale !"
"My native city has treated nae badly" said
a drunken vagabone, but love her still -
Probably" replied gentleman, her still is
all that you do love-"
You may wish to get wife without fail
ing but what if the lady, after you find her.
happens to be in want of husband of the same
character?
Why is horse half way through gate like
penny Because it is head OF one side and
tail on the other.
IF YOU are insulted by an offer of a ten dollar
bill, it is''good policy to pocket the affront
What is the difference between good soldier