The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1859-11-02
Divorced by Mistake.

ature. Jones had bad vile and was In ~
owe with pretty womsn--he wished to be
vorced from his bad wife, 90 that he might
harry the pretty woman, who, by the wsy. y
vas widow, with black eyes, and such VI
orm ! Therefore Jones came to Trenton u
or divorce.
Smith had goood wife, good as on angel, "
and the mother Of ten children, and Smith
did not want to Re divorced, but wanted to
get charter for a turnpike or a plsnkrosd
to extend from Pigs Run to. Terrapin Hol.
low. ..v.
Well, they, with these different errands,
came to Trenton, and addressed the assem-
bled wisdom with the usual arguments.--
Fret, suppers, mainly composed Of oysters
with rich background Of venison; second,
liquors in great plenty. from Jersey light
ning,''--which is kind OF locomotive at
fu speed, reduced 10 liquor shape--to New
ark champagne.
To speak in plain prose, the divorce man
gave a champagne supper. and Smith, the
IullO"Gu WIN CHdWpuRuC
breakfast, under the modifying influence of
which the assembled wisdom passed both
the divorce and turnpike bills; and Jones
and Smth--a copy Of each bill in their pock
et--went home rejoicing, over many miles
Of sand, and through the tribulatiou Of many
stage coaches.
Snifh arrynd hnpoo in fko ~
us he sat down 10 his paror, his pretty wife
beside him--how pretty she did look land
five Of the children over bearing the other
five studying their lessons in the corner Of
the room, Smith VS. induced to expatiate
upon the good results Of his misaion to
Trenton.
"a turnpike, my dear; am one Of the
Directors, and will be President. 1t will
set me up, love; we can send our children
to the boarding school, and live in style
out of the toll. Here is the charter, honey"
"Lct me see it," said the pretty little wife
., who was one of the incest Of wives, with
plumpness and goodness dmpling all over
her face. "Let me see it," as she leaned
over Mr.. Smiths shoulder.
:, But all at once Smiths visage grew long
:. Smiths wife's vissage grew black. Smith
~ was not profune, but now he ripped cut ar
awful oath.
"Blast US, wife, those Internal scoundrels
at Trenton have gone and divorced US -
1t was too true; the parchment which HI
- held was bill OF divorce, in which the name
= Of Smith and Smiths wife appeared il
. fright'ulIy leglble characters.
- Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the cor
ner OF her apron.
"Here's turnpike" said she sadly, "snt
= with the whole of our ten children staring
- me in the face, sint your wife Here's I
turnpike"
" "Blast the turnpike and the Legislature
and"
~ Well the fact is that Smith, reduced Il
'e single blessedness, enacted into a stranger
!" to bis own wife, swore awfully. Althougl
- the night was dark, and most of the deDi
~ zens OF Sm this town had gone to bed, Smit
)" bid his late wife to put on her bonnet, an
'0 arm and arm they proceeded to the clergy
man of their church.
"Goodness bless mel" exclaimed tn
good man, as he saw them enter. Smit
looking like the last OF June chad, Smith
!" wife wiping her eyes with the corner Of he
sGG u,haApo
ID, matter 7"
BY "Thc matter is, l want you to marry U
th two right off," replied Smith.
ct "Marry YOU" circulated the clergyma
e. with expanded fingers and awful eyes; sal
he you drink, or what's the matter with you
o. However, he finally married them ov'
an straightway and would not take fee; tt
I'D fact is, grave as he was, he was dying to
es alone that he might give vent to suppress
lie. ed laugh that was shaking him all owe
,." and Smith and Smiths wife went joyful
in. home and kissed every one Of their childre
t's The little Smiths never knew that their 4
aid ther and mother had ever been made Stra
al. gers to each other by legislative enactmen
les Meanwhile, and on the same night, Jon
y returned to his native Burlington,
eo believe-and sought at once the fine blat
d. eyes which he had hoped shortly to call
"t own. The pretty widow sat on the eofa,
lh' white kerchief tied carelessly around h
mo white throat, her black hair laid in sill
> waves against each rosy cheek.
en "Divorce is the word" cried Jones, pIa
o" fully patsiDg her double chin; "the fact
re Eliza, I'm rid of that cursed woman, q
olo you and I'll be married to night. kne
see kow to manage those scodndtels at Trento
are A champagne superior was it bfeakfa
ect did the business for them. "Put on 20
'ht' bonnet and let US 60 the preachers at ont
ee' dearest"
MS The widow, who was among1RidOws
eat peaches among apples, put on "her bonr
op- and took jones' arm, and
IN "Just look how handsome It is put
on parchment !" cried Jones, pulling out I
nts document before her; "here's the law tt
he says that Jacob Jones and Ann Carroll
ad' Jones are two" ,........
'nc Putting her plump gloved hand on
Ano shoulder che did look. ., .....s. .... i.
40 dear !" she said, with her rosy Ii
and sank back half fainting on the sofa.
Flic. 30 blazss - cried Jones; end sank besi