The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-12-07
Miscellaneous Items.

- Necessity like great many law
yers, knows no law.
- Fortune is the rod of the weak and
the staff of the brave.
Why does an aching tooth impose
silence on the sufferer? Because il makes
him hold his jaw.
- Let no man be afraid of hard fist,
unless he gets it bin in his eye from
some chap.
The amount Of lager beer drank per
annum in the city of Milwaukee, is esti-
mated at twenty-five thousand barrels!
- He who labors for mankind, with
out care for himself, has already begun
his Immortality.
- An old lady who sells eggs, in Gin
cinnati, has over her door, "New laid
eggs every morning, by Betty Briggs"
= 1t has been said that to make
home happy, the husband must be some
what deaf and the wife somewhat blind.
=" Let the toast be, "dear woman"
as the boarder said when his landlady
was about to remove the plate.
Why do people talk about feeling
doubts in their own mindsl Where else
could they be expected to feel theml
- An editor down east apologies for
n days delay in the issue of his paper,
on the ground that he had an extra
"male" to attend to during the week.
The Cape Cod bogs, planted with
cranberry bushes, yield SO plontifully that
the land is valued at one tho1'and dollars
per acre for this culture alone.
Marriage, without love, is the sui
eide of happiness. As well might man
undertake to build dwelling without
cash, credit or material, rs to expect to
live happily in the married state without
love.
al tell you what" said vendcr of
groceries to customer, who thought his
charges rather steep, "eggs are eeggs, now
a-days." 81 am glad Of it," said the
customer, "for the last / bought of you
were half chickens"
o, IT'S HARD, INDEED! - A man
named Oats, was had up recently for
beating his wife and children. On being
sentenced to imprisonment, the brute re-
marked, that it was very hard man was
not allowed to thrash his own oats.
- The same ladies who would faint
to see mans shirt on clothes line, will,
in waltz, lovingly repose their heads on
the bosom of tho same garment, when
the man is in it. 20, consistency, thou
art a Jewell"
The Young Mems Debating Society,
having dismissed the question, "Where
does fire go to when it goes out" have
got n new and more exciting one up
"When house is destroyed by fire, does
it burn up, or does it burn down~ There
is to be n ,oarm debate on this question.
= Somebody in the Atlantic Monthly
discoursing upon the skeleton fashion of
of the day says: "a woman in this rig
hangs in her skirts like clapper in a bell; (;
and | never meet one without being
tempted TO take her by the neck and ring
her.
"A female teacher in one Of the pub
lie schools undertook TO chastise little
urchin few days ago, and the little
scamp raised her garments and took re-
fuge beneath her hoops. She was COM
PEELED to agree to truce before the i'm
pudent little chap would come out.
A young man, while undergoing an
examination for the purpose of being ad-
mitted TO the bar, was asked: "What
are the Constitutional requirements which
render man eligible to the office of
President of the United, States 2" He
answered =" He must be forty-one years
old, and a mighty good democrat.
= An editor, complaining that he
could not sleep enc night, summed up
the causes thus: "a wailing baby, six.
teen months old, dog bowling under the
window; a cat fight in the alley; geese
choosing their mates in the yard; n mig
GER serenade in n shanty over the way !;
toothache; and pig trying TO get in
AT the back door,"
A young miss having accepted the
offer of youth TO gallant her home, and
afterwards fearing that jokes might be
cracked at her expense if the fact should
become public, dismissed him about half
way, enjoining secrecy. 'Don't be afraid"
said he, "at my saying anything about
it," for / feel quite as much ashamed of
it as you do"
- An immense High Bridge across
the British Channel, between Dover aud
Cape Guinez, is not thought impractica-
bic, and Mr.. Boyd has estimated the
cost of such structure at G3O,00O,O0O.
The bridge would be supported by one
hundred and ninety towers, at distance
apart Of five hundred feet, and would be
elevated three hundred feet above the
level Of the sea, and would be calculated
g.. t,ro -. x.o.n MAILMAN fr,oto In this