Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1859-06-04
,THEI INTEIaI.IG:3ENCER.
ARaey Kun OF. .he,Pen.

's''''-- -
ABOUT BRAuTY AND GUTrA PERcHA-ALso ABOUT
,REAuTY AND COD LIVER o11-now THE WOMEN
OF AsHANTER, ARE FATTENRD
Man, being reasonable, must got drunk. A
great moral philosopher says so. The conclu-
sion is. logical. Man is the only reasoning ami.
NAL Man gets. drunk. No other animal gets
drunk Ergo: drunkenness is the result of
reason. O. ED.
There are three things only worth living for
viz eating, drinking. sleeping. Fancifll
moralists; persons fond of using the word t'aes.
thetic,P and having a very vague idea of what
1T means; individuals ofaromantic turn of mind
and thin young women, will be indignant at
the announcement. They insist that life has in
it spiritual element; that it is supported bv
sentiment, and all that, and insist upon boring
one with tisininifed talk about love, friendship
emotional tendencies, and mental enjoyments-
Sempiternal boSh.
abominate thinyoung women; thin middle.
aged women; and skinny old ones. Bones are
necessary. So are muscles and sinews. but I
should like to know what bone-womau, or a
sinew-woman, or muscle-woman would look
like? What amount of crinoline would make
her presentable on the fashionable side of Broad.
way on fine day or on Sunday in the Fifth
avenue. .F.
Sancho Panza blessed the inventor of-I
forget what. bless the man who inverted
velvet band around the throat hides the snture
with the natural skin, and n female anatomy
becomes good copy OF a deccntly plump wo-
man. The invention is perfect. You cannot
detect it by the eye. Cotton has had its day,
aud punsters can no longer make their vile plays
ON words, and say that women, like jackson at
New Orleans, fight behind their country staple
Cotton goes out; gutta percha comes in.
TO my female correspondents, who call me so
many hard names, and allude so venomouSly to
the false and deceptive nature of my sex in gen
eral, put this question-What is your opinion
For myself [ iieee it, -ItIs-a p,e,.sp,r. er,es..
Women to me are pictures What sthe differ
ence, then, between their counterfeitS on can.
vass and the flesh and blood reality? To me,
nothing. And if they have blood enough to
keep up a decent circulation, but no flesh, gotta
percha is a blessing. Beauty the wall of
picture gallery is attractive, although painted.
Give it life; add to it the grace OF motion, and
the luStre eyes which move, and lips which
smile, and what person Of sense objects to
rouge and gutta percha as adjuncts to complete
the design and perfect the picture? Not l; for
l never could, as have hinted, see any beauty
in bones Especially my artistic sense of the
beautiful is shocked by what "gentS, counter:
Jumpers, and old maids call "a genteel figure"
Common people in New York use the word
"form" 1t is a New York provincialiSm, or
vulgarism. They mean "igure." The "genteel
u3ufe, feIerrSu 10 uuILlIIlSIy u1 lJC SiiSS III
dicated is usually from five feet four to five feet
six inches in height, shaped like an oil cloth
box-that is to say it has the appearance of
four narrow boards nailed together and set up
on end In the street it moves an upright an
gular lay igure-a walking advertisement of
the last fashion in shawlS, clOaks, and crinoine.
In room it giides about, or sits about like
that uncomfortable mortuary reminder, crown
ed aud garlanded, which the Egyptians placed
in the hall of feasting, to admonSh of the short
ness of life and evaucSccnce of pleasure.
a skeleton is repulsive in doctors study,
or an anatomical college, or graveyard; but in
ballroom it is hideous. / never see that
sort of thing whrling around in the polka, that
do not feel nervous degree of apprehension
and watch to sec some of the wires break, and
the subject fall in pieces.
'&Tuchee Gattec, muchee purtee.
That was the opinion Of the King OF AShan-
tee. 1t is also mine.
They have no thin women in the thrice happy
and blessed kingdom of AShantee. Their
Young women are caught in large traps baited
with sugar plums They are taken out of the
| traps and removed to houses provided by gov
ernment for that purpose, where they are fat
tened into decency. The object is comPassed
by feeding them with balls Of dough, soaked in
| chicken fat When they can swallow no more
by any muscular offort of the throat, the balls
are gently pushed down their throats with a
small round stick. The women of Ashantee
have excellent digestions. They wear no cor
sets, and dyspepsia is unknown.
The next most fattening thing to the Asian
tee diet is cod liver oil. Since fat women came
in fashion, the consumption of cod liver oil has
reached figure would not like even to hint
at without having the actual statistics before
me. go
You will probably object that this has moth
ling to do with the proposition set out with
viz: that man, being reasonable, must get drunk
Allow me to say you are wrong. The connec
ton is absolute. You will see it yourself in 9
few moments. Meanwhile, let me assure al
thin young women that cod liver oil is speci
IGcSIf they doubt, let them consult any ply
sician in whom they have confidence.
Il Mrs. Cd is acknowledge to be the love
liest woman in society. You can see her at the
4 opera every night Dark hair, deep blue eyes
skin of alabaster, and everywhere 6oto ro'ttee-
ar ms, neck, bust, all perfect enough
to make-Heaven help usl-several St An
1 thongs cut their boards and deatlfs-heads, nnt
60 back to the world, the flesh, and the devil
4 AL the men admire her, and all the women hnt'
j her Happy Mrs. Cd
And ali this beauty, this exquisite success
J. sion Of gracious contours, those softly undnla
ting lines, along which the reflected ligh
shimmers and glances with lingering love, MS i
loath to leave such beauty, and shine on les