The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1859-03-05
Phunnygraphs.

A Kentucky lawyer on circuit was asked to
dine with the Judge Al the table the Judge
as is his custom. asked blessing. and short
" after arose from his seat and took from
the sideooard bottle Of old Bourbon, OF
which he invited his guest TO partake' par
taking freely himself as is his custom. Ar
ter dinner the lawyer said "Judge, will you
permit me to ask you a question:" "Oh
certainly, replied the judge, "pray what is
it?" "I observed" said the lawyer, "lhat
after you asked a blessing, you act on the
bottle. Now | wish to know whether you
are ashamed to ask u bl ssing on the liquor
or whether you thought Il was good enough
without ?" The Judge took the case under
advisemenL
Ben +. Butler was engaged in legal case
IN which Professor Horslord Of Harvard Col
lege was one of the witnesses. When But
Ter camCSto cross.examine him, he began IN
his usual style Of unecremonious ioroeity.
The Judge mildly interposed, and said, per
haps brother Butler didn't know who the
witness was, il was Professor llorsford-
Professor of Harvard college, oh yes
mumbled Butler, as he lcisurcly suoked has
chin. Professor IIorsford Harvard Profes-
sor Professor of Harvard college! Yes, We
hung one f'em tother day.
''Bh, she was jjgwvi of n wife 'a-saia- Pat
mourning over the loss Of his better half,
'she always struck me with the soft end OF
the mop"
"a lawyer said Lord Brougham, face
tiously. us a learned gentleman, who reseues
your estate from your enemies, and-keeps
il himself"
If you wish to offer your hand to a lady,
choose your opportunity. The best time to
do it is when she is getting out Of an omni-
bus. "".
Fanny Fern says sha once had a narrow
escape from being ministers wife. The
witty Fanny doesn't tell what the minister
escaped"
AN IRISH EPITAPH.-
'IIere lies the body Of John Mound
Lost At sea, and never found
A dram, generally speaking, is a small
quantity taken in large quantities by those
who have few grains of sobriety and no seru-
pies of conscience.
A corpucnt city alderman said, few days
ago, whilst riding in an omnibus, seated be-
tween two ladies, that he felt like gave in
hogshead, surrounded by hoops.
Young Sawbones wanted to kiss his pretty
cousin under the mistletoe but she snatehed
her head away, SAYING, Manners, sir don't
thrust your doctors bill in my face"
Susan was desirous Of purchasing watch.
The maker showed her, among others,a beau
tiful one, remarking that it went thirty-six
hours. ain one duyP" asked poor Susan.
"GENTLE WOMAN EVER KIND" DR.. Kane
relates that when, one day, worn out with
fatigue, he turned into an Esquimaux hut to
get little sleep, the gsod-natured hostess
of the wigwam covered him up with some of
her own habilliaments,nnd gave him her baby
for pillow.
How TO PREVENT FLIES FROM GETTING
AT YOUR BACON IN SUMNlER.--Eat it all in
the winter.
An INDIANA CHARAcTER.-"I your ques-
ton refers to Mr.. IS real responsibility
10 any limited amount, WHtcH coIrespohu-
ont, Of an Indiana merchant, whose business
standing was inquired af(er, 1--WE answer it is
good but TO say that he is obstinate and
mulish but family expresses his peculiarly
of disposition when an account is presented.
He usually pays debt at the extreme tail
end of an execution, and then doles out the
cash TO the constable as though he was driv-
ing n nail in his own coffin. The money sha-
yer who took the last seat in the last car of
railroad train, SO as to have the use OF his
money while the conductor was reaching him
was not circumstance TO the grim death
grasp with which Mr.. - holds on to his
purse-strings- He means to be honest, but
his neighbors say that five cent piece pro-
duees moral strdbismuS that affects his Wis
ION quite rsinfully.