Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1859-04-23
Scltt Gale.
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CHA PIER /

CHAPTER l.
HOW MR. HIPGRAvR WANTED TO BETTER HIM.
SELF.
This is O hodious life - exclaimed Mr.
BENJAMIN uipgrave. Butler to the Dean Of
Dronesford, as he was polishing gravyspoon
in his pantry one morning "a hodous life ;
not at all ft for man Of my hgger and whis
kers !"
Mr. Hipgrave sighed and set down the
spoon.
"It may SCOT the clergy" he went on, "to
beIrey themselves in dull cathedral towns
which they're well paid for doing of it--but
it don't at all answer my book The Very
Rev'rent's wages is fairisb, aud paid reg'lar-
! III say that-and his port-when a feller
can get gass-is ondeniable but he keeps
the key of the inner cellar his self and can
| find the way to the bins blind dfol6ed-and,
what's more, knows to bottle how much
! there is in 'em. If was a diguit'ry Of the
! Church, | should scorn to be Of such prying
mater. Then, what a check it is upon u
chaps spirrts to have TO be so sollem upon
all occasions. feel sometimes as if ] was
actually turned into lead. like one OF the
clock weights, always sinking. The clergy,
as a body is dredae heavy convacaton' is
! the only thing that goes down now, except
!
more than two pair of hands can do to clean
| the fawks aud spoons after em, and I've only
a page to help me. They're all for revving
/ of old practices, but there's one they forget,
and that's giving walls. Much obliged TO
you, Mr.. Ipgraye, for my great coat, says
one; III shank you to be so good as fasten
my goloshes, MIR. lpgrave,' says another is
it fine night, Ipgrave ? asks third, quite
kind aud familiar, and feeling in his weskt
pocket and when l open the door to see,
they oil scurrv out-the mean fellers-with-
out so much US looking round at me-"
Mr.. Hipgrave ceased for a moment the
recital OF his grievances, and resumed the
occupation which his soliloquy had interrupt
ed. lie held the spoon up before his face
and looked hard at it, turned it sideways and
did the same.
"It's of no uso. I'm always a seeing Of
myself as amt. Spoons must have been
invented a purpose to distort the feeters -
II didn't reely know what | was like them
spoons aggravste a feller into sooicide.-
People say the cuss of mans life is shaving
l cau't say think so. On the contrary,
| find shaving pleasant. for then one can have
good Iook at oneself, without being beholden
to anybody"
| As Mr.. Hipgrave seems TO set some value
|
it.
He was q man of about four or fve-and
forty years of age, standing some five feet
nine inches in his pumps, broad shouldered
portly, and otherwise massive in his figure
his head was round and solid, the sinciput
bald and shining, his nose bumbly, his eyes
small, and of so light gray as to be nearly
colorless his lace broad and that bredth in
creased by an ample pair Of whiskers, in
which their lsrked suspicious tinge OF red
a wide mouth, that displayed set of butter
teeth like hppopotamus, aud substantial
double chin, beneath which his white neck.
cloth was always collspsiDg, completed the
list of Mr.. HiPgrave's attractions.
Pursuing the train OF thought which his
last observations had awakened, the Narcis-
sus of the pantry continued
| There's that young woman. too, Soosan
Sweeting what's to be done about her ? il
| stay here she'll be expecting me to marry
her, as if ones words was to be weighed and
slfted, like the dust Of the diggngs, to see
how much gold there is in em. But there's
two objections in that quarter first and
foremost, the Very Rev'rent amt partial to
married men as buffers ard, in the next
place, I'm not much disposed to it myself
soossn's pretty gal-there's no denying it,
snd she's took with me, that's clear enough
cut then she's got no money. What's a
miiiiners bishess in a cathedral town p
Aosaiootly nothink Who's she to make
lott Ihe ladies here is too proud to wear
anything that doesn' come from London :
sven the miner cannonses' wives gets their
dresses down by the rail. No, Soosap. l
couldn't afoIe it. My arts yours, but nv
and must be another's. You must Danish
my himmags from your bussom, and must
better myself elsewhsres. / shall give the
Very Revrent warning before take away
lunching TO- day"
Mr.. Hipgravs's next consideration was the
precise course which was most desirable for
him to follow. He had arrived at that period
OF life when men Of his capacity begin 10
think that the matrimonial markets is the
one which offers the best return for selLin.