The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1859-11-04
Tftiu ateekIu Tribuuc.
WANTEp-.A nlINIsrEn.

" NAN HaAHN-Ha aA ANlNNH LIE
We have been without a pastor,
Some eighteen months or mOro,
And though candidates are plenty
We've had At least a seorc--
All Of them "dp.top" preachers,
Or 90 their letters ran--
We're just az far as ever
From settling on the man,
The first who came among us,
BY no means vas the worst,
But then we didn't think Of him
Because he was the first,
II being quite the custom
To sacrifice a few,
Before the church In earnest
Determines what TO DO,
There was a smart young fellow
With serious earnest way,
Who, but for one great blundur,
Had surely won the day;
Who let 90 good impression,
On Monday one or two
Went round among the people
To see If he would DO,
The pious, godly portion
Iad not = fault 10 fud,
His clear and searching preaching
They thought the very kind;
And oil went smooth and pleasant,
Until they heard the views
or some influential sinners
Who rent the highest pcvp.
On these his pungent dealing
Made but sorry hit;
The coat Of gospel teaching
Was quite TOO tight a fit.
OF oourse his fate was settled
Attend, ye parsons all
And preach b please the sinners
If you would get call.
Next came a spruce young dandy,
He wore his hair too long;
Anothers coat was shabby,
And his voice not over strong;
And one New Haven student
Was worse than all of those--
We couldn't heed the sermon
For thinking cf his nose
Thcn wearYing Of candidates,
We looked Che country through,
Mid doctors and professors,
To find one that would do;
And after much discussion
On who should bear the ark,
With tolerable agreement
We fixed on Dr. Parke.
Here, then, we thought Il settled.
But were amazed 10 find
Our hattering invitstion
Respectfully declined.
We turned 10 Dr. Hopkins
To help Us in the lurch,
Who atrnngely thought that college
Had claims above our church.
Next we dispatched committees
BY twos aud ihrees 10 urge,
The labors for Sabbath,
OF tho Rev, Shallow Splurge.
He came--a marked sensation,
SO wonderful his style;
Followed the crcaking Of bis boots
AZ he passed up the aisle.
His tones were so affecting,
His gestures so divine,
A lady tainted in the hymn
Before the second line;
And on that day he gave US
In accents clear aud loud.
The greatest prayer ever addressed
To an enlightened crowd.
He preached a double sermon,
And gnvo us angels food,
On such lovely topic
"The joys Of solitnde;'
All full Of sweet descriptions
or flowers and pearly streams,
OF warbling birds, and moonlight gr,
And golden sunset beams,
OF faith and true repentance,
He nothing had 10 say;
He rounded all the corners,
And smoothcd the rugged way;
Managed with great adrOitness
To entertain and please,
And leave the sinners conscience
Completely at his case.
Six hundred Is the salary,
We gave in former days.
We thought it very liberal,
And found IL hard 10 rnise;
But when we took the paper,
We had no need to urge,
To raise cool two thousand,
For the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
In vain were all the efforts
We had no chance at all
We found ten city churches
Had given him call:
And he, in prayerful waiting,
Was keeping all in tow;
But where they paid the highnh
II was whispered he would 70.
Any now, good Christian brothers,
We ask your earnest prayers,
That God would send a shepherd,
To guide our church affairs,
With this clear understanding
A man, 10 meet our views,
Must preach 10 plense the sinners,
Aud ill the vacant pews.