M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17
Divorced by M.slnke

wife and was in love with a pretty
woman-he wished to be divorced
from his bad vile, so that he might
marry the pretty woman, who, by the
way, was a widow, with black eyes,
and such form! Therefore Jones
came to Trenton for a divorce.
Smith had a good wife, good as an
angel, and the mother OF ter children,
and Smith did not want to be-1ivorc-
ed; but did want to get charter for
a turnpike or plank road, to extend
from Pigs Run to Terrapin Hollow.
Well, they, with these different er.
rands, calne to Trenton, and addressed
the assembled wisdom with the usual
arguments. First, suppers, mainly
composed of oysters with rich back
ground venison; second, liquors in
gleat atplenty, from Jersey lightning"
which is kind of locomotive at full
speed, reduced to liquor shape, to
Newark champagne.
To speak in plain prose, the divorce
man gave IL champagne supper, and
Smith, the turnpike man, followed
with u champagne break last, under
the modifying influence of which the
assembled wisdom passed both the di.
yorce and turnpike bills-and Jones
and Smith, copy OF each bill in their
pockets, went rejoicing home, over
miles Of sand, and through the tribu-
lation of many stage.coaches.
Smith arrived home in the evening,
and as he sat down in his parlOr, his
pretty wife beside him-how pretty
she did look!--and five of her chill,
dren oyerhearing the other five study
ing their lessons in the corner OF the
room. Smith was induced to eXpati.
ate upon the good result ofhis mission
to Trenton.
GA turnpike, my dear, | am one Of
the Directors, ana will be President,
1t will set me up, love, we can send
our children to boarding-school, and
live in style out of the toll. Here is
the charter, honey"
Let me see it" said the pretty lit
tie wife, who was one Of the incest Of
wives, with plumpness and goodness
dimpliug all over her face, "let me
see it." as she leaned over Smiths
shoulder.
But all at once Smiths visage grew
long; Smiths wite's visage grey black.
Smith was not prolane, but now he
ripped out an awful oath.
"Blast us, wife, those Internal scoun-
drols at Trenton have gone and di.
yorced us
Itwas too true; the parchment which
he held was a bill Of divorce, in which
the names of Smith and Smith 's wife
appeared in trightiully legible letters.
Mrs Smith wiped her eyes with the
corner Of her apron.
Heres a turnpike" she said sadly,
"and with the whole of our ten chill.
dren staring me in the face, amt
your wife Here's turnpike"
BLAST the pixies, and the Legisla,
ture, and"
Well, the fact is that Smith, reduc,
ed to single ble8sedness, enacted into
a stranger to his own wife, swore aw-
fully. Although the night was dark,
and most of the denizens Of Smiths
town had gone to bed. Smith bid his
late wife to put on her bonnet, and
arm in arm they proceeded to the cler-
gyman of their church.
"Goodness bless me y exclaimed
the good man, as he saw them enter,
Smith looking like the last of June
shad, Smiths wife wipiDg het eyes
with the corner of her apron-''goot-
ness tell me, what's the matter 2"
"Tho matter is. l want you to mar,
ry us two right off," replied Smith.
"Marry you !" calculated the cler-
gyman, with expanded fingers and aw-
tul eyes; "are you drunk Or what is
the matter with you 2"
However, he finally married them
over straightway, and would not take
a fee. The fact is, grave as he was,
he was dying to be alone, that he
might give ventto a suppressed laugh
that was shaking him all over; and
Smith and Smiths wife went joyfuliy
home and kissed all the Children
The little Smiths never knew that
their father and mother had been made
strangers to each other by Legislative
enactment.
Meanwhile, and on the same night
Jones returned to his native town
!, Burlington, believe-and sought at
once the fine black eyes which he had
hoped shortly to call mis- own. The
pretty widow sat on the sofa, a white
kerchet tied carelessly about her round
white throat, her black hair laid in
silky waves against each rosy cheek
"Divorce is the word" cried Jones,
playfully, patting her double chin;
"the fact is, Eliza, I'm rid of that curs.
ed woman, and you and III be married