Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1859-07-21
Amnsing 8eabmg.
From the Family Journal
MY FIRST OF APRIL.
By JOHN PEPPERGRASS.

that am quite young man OF 1orey years,
and have determined to live all my days in
single blessadness in spite-of the remon-
strances of friends, aud the fascioatlons OF
all womaukiud. believe that the misfor-
tunes met With on last April lst, were
instigased, thought of and planned by wo-
neu who through spite (because l would
not marry) engaged parties to perpetrate the
following tricks on me:
live in house with five stories, and de-
string to have plenty of air and to be re-
moved from the noise of city life, l had Sc
lecsed the fifth story. am engaged in bu-
siness and am very little at home. Well, on
the last memorable first Of April, l arose
early, and as usual went to my wash-stand
to take healthy and cooling drink of water
I poured out tumbler full of clear liquid,
and at one swallow down it went; but 1t was
no sooner down than up it came. thought
of poison first, remembering once having
tasted some "6lue lich," I soon accounted
for the sickening sensation felt. l seized
nv pitcher and threw up the window and
emptied the contents, not on the street as
intended but on an unfortunate dog VINO
went yelpipg down the street. and really
pitied that dog for the sudden shower, and
the confouuded stencil of that "blue tack,
was enough, vulgarly speaking, ''to make
dog sick" :.
I then went to the door and found 1t
locked and the key gone. Now want to
say one thing, was not Intoxicated the
night before. I never do drink spurious
LIQUORS, and how that door key got on the
outside of my door (Which 1 perceived on
examination was puzzle I could not solve.
Fortunately the holder Of the lock was in
side of my room and screwed on, so l went to
work and broke all the blades of my new knife
in taking it of. I pulled open the door,
rushed ont, and caught my foot in piece OF
striug at the head of the steps and took a
leap ga la harlequin" head formost down
twenty steps, breaking my pitcher to shs0-
ers, humping my head and arousiug all the
tenants Of the four stories below; some rush
ing out at various parts, some poking night
caps With expressive eyes in them from out
behind their doors, aud some timid fellows
set to work and moved all the furniture they
had against the door Of their room, thus bar
reading their rooms from all pirates, &c
recovered myself and started limping
back to my room among the muttered curses
and ieers of the boarders; q hate boarders) }
Even Jones whom I had told time after
time that did not drink, slammed the door
saying:
"Confound that Peppergrass, he is con,
tinually getting drunk" I intend to nau'
Jones the first time catch him in dark
corner, alone.
I succeeded in getting to my room and
went to work putting on my clothes, that is
all | could find, for it seemed sold Max"
himself was into every thing My panta-
looms. I found hanging out at my window,
beautiful sight to passers below; my shoes
minus the strings were taking observations
from the top of my wardrobe; my coat had
turned chimney sweep and was half way up
the chimney; my stockings were in my coat
pocket tied up into twenty knots; my bran
new, hat was stuffed in broken pane; (who
broke that glass don't know, } my brush
at the first rub made me jump at least four
feet in the air; on examining my brush, l
found mixed up with the bristles about
dozen pins which was quite pleasant to
brush horse hair, but I did not require cur
frying, so I dispensed all further use Of it.
I went down to breakfast with face uD-
washed, bair uncon bed, and looking for all
the world like one who had been on a spree
for week There sat Jones, Chow [ hate
him. mith a malicious grin on his dried up,
sallow face. I set down, and to make long
story short, my coffee was salted, my butter
was rank, my steak was full of red pepper,
q never use red pepper and my bread was
made Of nasty bran.
jump up with an oath, { I never cursed
before,) few out of the house, minus my
breakfast, and started down to my place Of
business. There I found note signed by
my dear friend Higgins, asking me to call
Immediately at his house, as be had some-
thing very important to communicate.
I jumped into an omnibus, and was land
ed at Higgins door, rang the bell, and the
servant came and told me that Higgins had
been away a week, and was not expected
back for eight or ten days.
"But," says l, 81 have note from hin" "
"Mistaken," replied the black servant
girl, showing her worries; "guess, Mr.. Pc
tergoose, you is April fooled"
All at last I had it; this was the first of
April, and am selected for fool, but l
will fool them all yet, and l rushed down
Pratt street to take the Philadelphia cars and
leave the city for the day. The cars start
ed in fifteen minutes. I could get there in
thirteen. AS ran the fre-bells commenced
ringing, and hearing my name called, |
turned and saw little urchin coming to-
wards me. He came up, and out of breath,
(I believe he only pretended said:
"Mr. Pep-pep-er-grass, the store is on
fire."
rushed back, thinking of my new Goa:
in the Office, and reached the store, out OF
breath, in time to see that hateful Jones
rounding the next corner, and find the store
safe in the same place where l left 1t.
It was too late for the cars, and sat
,A