, 1859-12-23

"
very young men, they were great rivals in wit at
every table at which they met; but whenever
the subject Of discussion was classical, Twiss
generally gained the day; but when it was glass.
ical, Hook beat the baFrister hollow. At one Of
these keen encounters Of their wit, Twiss cx-
claimed against Hooks want Of scholarship,
and, unfortunately for himself said-"Why,
Hook, you don't even know the English Of mon
strum h0TTendUm"
SYes do" exclaimed Hook, at is horrid
Twiss."
Old Ferdinand Of Naples was addicted, with
q royal addiction, to the chase du1 Oisedur; so
royalty, indeed, that he would not be prevailed
upon to balk his diversion even on the death Of
his queen. He continued to potter about, there
fore, his gun on his shoulder, though he ought
to have been mourning; but, as compromise
with bis conscience, between love Of his amuse-
ment and grief for the bereavement, he told his
courtiers he should shoot nothing but gerry little
birds
John Randolph was once boarding at the Astor
House. Being somewhat annoyed by the airs
Of the servant who waited upon him-a negro
Of "the blackest dye"-he desired him at dinner
one day to retire. The negro bowed and took
his stand behind the gentleman's chair. Sup
posing him to be gone, it was with some impa-
tience that, q few minutes after, the gentleman
saw him step forward to remove his soup.
"FellOw - said he, "leave the rOoml l wish
to be alone"
EXCUSE me, sah," said Cuifee, drawing him
self up, but Use 'spOnsible for de silverl"
Two knights Of the angle having been one
evening glad 10 seek the shelter Of sorry ale
house for the night one questioned the other the
next morning as to how he had passed the night,
observing, that for his part, he had slept like
top"
turning round all nght;" thus practically prov.
ing the nonsense Of the old simile for sound
sleeper.
Sir B-R-, an Irish knight was mar
ried to the daughter Of Lord c., cOnnexion
Of which the knight was somewhat proud.
Boosting Of this union once to a friend, he OBJ
served that his lordship had paid him the highest
commitment in his power. "He had seven
daughters" said he, "and he gave me the oGLd-
est, and he tOUh me, too that if he had a. Oatder
| should have her,"
An agent soliciting subscribers for the life Of
| Bonaparte, showed his prospectus to q man who
read lone dollar in boards, or one dollar and
twenty five cents in sheep" After considering
for q moment, he replied, that when he should
be called on for pay, he might not have 0odTds
or sheep on hand, and he would not subscribe.
Women are called the softer sox,' because
they are 30 easily humbugged. Out Of one hun
dred girls ninety live would prefer oStentation to
happiness dandy husband to mechanic.
Avarice begets more vice than Pram did chill.
dren, aud, like Pram, survives the whole Of
| them.
A man may be fool with wit but never with
judgment
Make good use Of time, if thou lowest eternity;
yesterday cannot be recalled; tomorrow cannot
Be secured; to-day only is thine, which, il once
lost, is lost forever.
The individual who was accidentally injured
by the discharge Of bis duty is still very low.
A merchant put an advertisement in a paper
headed, " Boy wanted" Next morning he found
q band box on his door step, with this inscrip-
ton" How will this one answer"
On opening it, he found nice, fat chubby
looking specimen Of the article he wanted,
warmly done up in flannel
The following toast was given at the cattle
show dinner at Concord. "0ld Bachelors and
Old Maids, . cold set may they be toasted till
they are melted together" .......
They have invented strengthening pills down
South To put into weak tea and coffee.