Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1859-05-07
" Il N 0 / 0 Il s

A CAupLE LECTURE on TIE SONS OF MALTA
DR. Rogers OF Buffalo. has joined the
Sons of Malta and the B. b. DIS. His
wife is 10 the habit Of reading him curtain
lectures. The one which follows is reported
by the Republic Of that city:
Now tel! me about the Sons Of Malta
Won't you Do, that's good dear. What |
do you do when you get in is it the same Us
the Masons and Odd Fellows And then
there are what they call the B. B. d e. You
know all about them, too. Well, now, what
don't you know about IT is just as cxpeC.
ted. You know oil about every secret soc- |
ETY. in existence and yorr poor dear wife is not
allowed TO know single thing that is going |
on. Sons Of Malta literary and scientific
society learn the art of painting, statuary
and mathematics The 3. b. DIS, a religious
society: aud none but those Of strict moral
and Pious persuasion ere admitted Well
I'm beat now. And you member Now
it's my turn to laugh. The B. b. DIS NOR.
al institution Ha ha /! ha Look me iu the
face. Didn't you come home the other NOR.
ming as drunk as bose ?-yes, drunk, and ]
asked where you had been at that hour Of the
morning, and you said, Oh, nowhere. you
were but taking little recreation with the
B. B. DIS, and that's what you call moral
institution. Wasn't drunk Well, then, the
bed was. for you went around it three or four
times before you got in, and ycu held to the
side for fear Of being tumbled out. You cant
cheat me, old fellow, I've seen too much of
the world not to know when mans drunk
"DIdu't drink any thing but fifteen glasses
Of Buck beer. In the name of Jupiter Am.
mon, what are We coming TO and moral
institution at that only fifteen glasses, you
say? What nre the strong minded women
about that they don't petition the Legislature
IN kor hpo crn;at q Ill. III A l.l
how many glasses do they driuk at tho Sons
Of Malta ? Unless conditions ure good, don't
drink at all. Don't allow such things there.
Conditions; I'd like to know what conditions
have to do with il u? Can't be a Son Of Malta
without conditions. Well, I wonld Just like
TO see the conditions and see how it looks. ]
suppose it's piece of statunry Turn over
here, what under heaven are you laughing nt
Cant help it. III make you help it, You
haw, baw, like a wild jackass; what's the
matter with you ? Chroncs ANA Rheumatics
What have you got Chronics Rheumatics.
never would of married you if ] knew that.
What do you mean? Are you crazy or drunk.
Say, do they blDdod you when they take you
to the Sons Of Malta? Aud do they put
Cable tow around your neck and set y0u on
RridronY Have you any mark on you? Can't
divulge any secrets. Yes, but you can lie
there and laugh like any other fool. The
Doctor did laugh, and the last that was heard
of him or that occasion was-departed."
A SNOWMAN Y"SoLp."--Showmen, as q gen.
sral rule, are toleraby sharp" aud it is no
easy matter to overreach them; but when
they are fooled, it is matter of great amuse-
ment to those present. | was a witness to
one OF the best "sells" Of the kind ] have ever
beard Of Last summer there was au exhi-
bltion In tent on on one Of our public lots
tnft II Il
the entrance TO The tent the proprietor was
Boosting of the iunumerable wonders to be
seen for shilling, TO a considerable crowd
While in the midst of n speech oyerfowng
with large words, he was somewhat summar.
ly interrupted by the following exclamation
from man near him, who had boy with
him
"l'll bet you five that you cannot let mo
see that lion /"
Done, said the Snowman, eagerly. "Put
up your money"
The man placed Eve dollar bill in the
hand OF a by-stander, and the Snowman,
counting out the change, did the same.
"Now, walk this way" said the Snowman
"and I'll convince you !"
The man and his little boy followed him
into the tent, the whole crowd following.
"There," said the Snowman, triumphantly
dian lion !"
"Where ?" asked the man, looking in every
direction but the right one.
why, there :" was ths astonsbed reply.
81 don't see any," responded the other.
"Whats the matter with you ?" asked the
Snowman, who began to "smell a very large
mice"
I'm blind" was the grimmiug reply.
The Snowman Was very indns:rously en-.
ployed in turning out the crowd for the nex I
lew minutes, while the blind man poeksted
the stakes and went his way.
Mr.-aud his wife we're sitting. n few
days since, quite close to each other in their
home; the husband feeling somewhat lovely
like, although for years a married man. put his
arm around her aud saluted her alrectonately
The wife pushed him away. saying "You
should not do such things when tbe door i,
open and people are passing They will think
We are not married if they see US kissing eacl
other"
"Colenel. will you lend me a hundred "a
dayl" Can't possibly do it, sir. never
loan man money the second time when hs
disapponts me- the first" "Some mistake.
reckon, colondl paid you the fifty i haG
last week" That's inst it, | never expec
ted ii back. So you disappointed me. Cant
do IT, sir, sorry to say, cant do il 90 princi
ple"
YANKEE IMrupEScE.-The creates instance
ofinpudence on record, is that of Yankee
who, 10 an Italian city. stopped rel gious
procession. 10 order TO light his cigar from Que
OF The holy candies. Ere the procession
recovered from its sstonishmeut, the auds-
eious smoker had disappeared.