The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-06-25
HOW zEKE BENTON GOT A WIFE.

eyebrows, and whissel-'cause it's all over.
When look back and kinder think of it
coolly, / lay all to my going into the quire:
Ned and Bill Sims, and Joe Preston, and
half dozen of ZEN, had been at me more
nor month, wantin' me to come up and
help 'em in the base, but fought shy, tel
linz 'em never could sing in meetin' ous
tho truth was, l know'd I'D feel plaguy
queer up among all them gals, for female
'ciety always did take the starch out OF me
wondrous and aunt Barbara, you remem-
Der. used to say that was the awkardest
Teller among the young women thatshe ever
did see. Well, they pestcred me 80 about
goin', that what did do at last but 60
ia rather had a double tooth out twice over,
but then was ashamed to say" no" any
more. So, on the next Sunday mornin'
after | promised ZEN, | dressed somethln'
smarter than ordinary, and scented my
handkerchief with peppermint, and when
I cot TO the church had half mind to give
it up. but lust then Bill Sims come up and
clapped me on the back, and SEE he, -" come
Zete, were going to have prelude this
mornin'. We must turn out strong on
that, and 80 l had nothin else to do but
;ust TO no. along up. Somehow or mother
We went M the gal's side, and when got
to the ton of the stairs, there, sure enough,
was the hull of 'eni and hearin' my new
scrcakv boots what did they all do but turn
ciean around and look straight at me-.
tall Won. I felt streaked, and my head be-
cmn 70 90 rouud as if I'd been drinkin'.
I couldn't 'xacty see which way 70 60, put
/ tried somehow to git over wnere Tue ie' !,
lers was when, the fust thlng SNOW
missed the step, and went spfa"'hs heau
foremost, and would have been down IN the
middle aisle, if it hadn't been for the front
of the gallery. got up asquIck as l couid'
but nv :pantaloons was all DUST my coa'
was torn up the back, and the gals was a
snickering rs if they'd bust. his maue
me- kinder desperate; so | sat down ana
b. onn to look at a music book awful hard,
;uss "A if nothin' had happened. But l
didn't sing note that mornin', and never
vas 40 clad as when meetin' was over
When the folks began to 60 out hung
hack a little, so as to get away unbeknown;
hut the rest of them in the qulre seemed to
ho owaitin, for something, | had to push
ahead. when l'll be bound if there was one
of them gals there was dozen that SEE, so
oroyokin', "why, Mr.. Benton your coat is
pil torn.u lust as if didn't know that. l
didn't saw nothin' back, but hurried out,
and slipped round under the shed till the
folks was gone. Well, Abe, it was three
SUNDAYS after that fore went into the
ou;re again :: far, by that time, l guessed 1t
had ali blown over, and Joe and the rest Of
'em we're at me all the while. Ihat time
tux particular pains to be on hand as soon
as the church doors were open, ana got IN
the auire seats fust, SO tux the gals you
see, one at time, and not oil IN mess IKE
before. Well, l. got along first rate that
day, and begun after few weeks 10 get
quite used to II, when something new turned
IN. One Sunday evening l had taken my
place at the end Of the seat towards the gals,
and lust across the little aisle at the end OF
the gaFs seat toward US sat uetty Bur
roughs. Now you recollect Hetty-you
know you can't skeer up many prettier
fuces than she's got any way. Wei, that
i,nv her ribbon fxins set her Oft aston
ishin.. We were short Of music books, and
al. when We was standin'sup to sing the
fust hymn, Hetty SEE to me, SEE she, Mr..
Benton, will YOU look over me ?" kinder
started but tux hold. Well, when l begun
to sing, Ifsund that my voice was little
flusticated, AID that made Hetty lux
straight at me. and then | was Husticatt d
wuss. and then looked at her, and tht n
she cot TO shakin', and down went the book
clean over the front. ke chunk" it went,
and made everybody jump. When Hetty
saw the book fail, she came nigh falntins,
and grabbed my arm-not a purpose you
know but kinder accidental. Well, Abe,
it was that what did it. For you see, when
meetip' was over, Hetty SEE to ME, US we
was going out, SEE she, . Mr.. Benton, was
so confused didn't know what was
about. beg your pardon for taking hold
Of YOUR arm" "Lor, m1am, sez why
| liked it.'' And then Hetty blushed, and
didn't say nuthln'. And then SEE Isl only
wish you'd just take hold OF my arm, and
let me see YOU home" Well do you be-
lieve it, there was Hetty and me walking
home that evening, arm in arm. When
left her, and got to our house, set down,
and it was for all the world like dream.
set up all night rubbing my eyes, and a
thinking and then I'd guess it wasn't me
but some other Teller. WaIl;the folks in
the house didn't know what to mako OF me
for went on mighty curious, and not as
used to. was considerable 'stracted and
couldn't eat nothiu', and broke lumber,
meat dish, and two cups all in one day.
As this was being rather expensive, the
folks couldn't stand it any nor me.
Next day, after our walk home, went
to sec Hetty, thinkin' I'd have glorious
time; but when | got to- the house set
like mummy, and couldn't get up steam
to say nuthin' nice. You soc there was
nothing there like musc-book to start US.
Well, | see II !tty off ana on for fortnight
longer, and all the town got taikin' how
was sparkling Hetty Burroughs, aud then
made up my mind that what was to he was
to be, and so calculated on maxim the
thing sartn soon as possible. seed that
Hetty wasn't yexcd at my stoppin' IN 50 Of
ten; and when gal amt vexed ut you IN
such circumstances, you may be sure she,s
rathen taken with you. That's my foso-
phy-you may want to use it sometimes,
Abe. So one eyenin' as was sittin' by
Hetty, and had worked myself up to the
sticking, pint, seq |, "Hetty, if Teller sho'd
ask you to marry him, what wud you say?''
Then she laughed, and SEE she, That
would depend on who asked me-" Then
seq |, "Suppese it was Ned Willis.' Sec
she, ''Pd tell Ned Willis, but not you."-
That kinder staggered me. But | was too
cute too lose the opportunity, and so SEE
agen, "Suppose it was ME ?" And thenyou
ought to hive seen her pout up her l'p, and
SEE she, I" 1 don't take no supposes." Well,
now, you see there was nothing for me to
do but touch the gun off. SO bang 1t went
SEE |, 'sLor. Hetty, IT'S me. Won't you
say yes % And then there was such a hull
abaloo in my head, don't know. exactly
what took place, but thought l hecred a
yes whisperin' somewhere out Of the Skin
mish. -.-.-.
ANYHOW, after that, Hetty and me was
engaged, and six months after We were
married. The day we was married we wen'
off in the afternoon cars for Boston. Wher
we got to Brattlcboro,' Hctty asked me =
get her glass of lemonade. Well, while
/ was in for the lemonade, of started the
cars and when got out, with the lemon
ade in my hand, they was hundred yard;
ahead. Lor didn't l boiler 'My wife =
NV wife, yelled like an lpjun, and rur
like a Injun too. Away went the cars
aud / foller'd, screamin' and BLOWN, anu
holding the lemonade all the time. Their
| threw away the glass; then Ilet my over:
coat 90 then my hat blew off; and then
fu L., lJ,ved ont by the side of the