Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1859-10-14
.fatt, Sun alto fantp.

IA widower with five children, full Of
fun and frolic, ever ready for a joke, to
give or take-was bantered the other
evening by a miss of five and twenty for
not taking another wife She urged that
be was hale and hearty, and deserved a
matrimonial messmatc. The Judge ac-
knowlodged the fact, admitted that he
was convinced by tho oloqucnce of his
fair friend that he had been thus far very
amss, and expressed contrition for the
fault confessed, ending with Offering him
self to the lady, telling her she could
not certainly reject him after pointing
out to HIN his heinous offence
The ladyreplied that she would be most
happy to take the situation 50 uniquely
advertised, and become boneof his bone
and flesh Of his flesh, but there was one
to her serious obstacle.
well, says the judge, "name it. My
profession is to surmount such impede
mcnts.
"Ah ! Judge, it is beyond your pow
ers. ! have vowed that if ever marry
a widower, lie must have TEN children"
Ten children? Oh, that's nothing"
says the Judge; cpl give you Eve now
anituy notes on demand in iiistallnsena!!ss
for the balance"
E5 Thc following is the advice of an
examining judge to young lawyer, on
admission
Sirit would be idle to trouble you far
Their You are perfect, and / will dis
miss you with few words of advice,
which you would do we'll to follow. You
will find it laid down as maxim ofcivil
law, never to kiss the maid when you
can kiss the mistress. Garry out this
principle sir, and you are safe Never
say boo to O goose when she has the
power to lay golden eggs. Let your
face be long, your bills longer. Never
put your hand in your pocket when any
body olsc is handy. Keep your conscience
for your own private use, and don't rou-
Die it with other mems mattcrs.
Plaster the judge and butter the jury.
hook wiser than an owl, and be as orac-
nIar as a town clock, and above all get
money, honestly if you can my dear sir,
but get money. / welcome you to the
bar.
RSy' Practical experience has demon
strated that the largest piece Of ordnance
which can be cast sound and free from
flaws, is mortar thirteen inches in d.
ameter. This would weigh about Eve
tons AT the siege of Antwerp, the
French used a mortar with bore twenty
inches in diameter, but it burnt on the
ninth time of firing.
EyT The following is true of more
things than one in everyday life:
You charge dollar for killing calf,
you smutty rascal 2" said a planter to an
oldnegre.
"Nc, no, massa," replied the gentle
nan from Africa, ~ charge City cents
for killing calf, and fifty Qasts for the
kaov-how"
Ezs~ II takes four things to make a
thorough gentleman. You must be
gentleman in your principles, gentle
man in your tastes, a gentleman in your
person, q gentleman in your manners
No man who does not command these
qualities can be justly termed a gentle
man.
EE" A wag has invented a new tele-
graph, He proposes to place line Of
women fifty steps apart, and commit the
news to the first one as a secret.
Eg" Mrs Partington says that nothing
despises her so much as to see people,
who profess to expect salvation, go to
church without their purses, when re-
collection is to be taken.
BE- A young man having advertised
for wife received word from eighteen
married men that he might have theirs.
Ss- A man on passing through a
gate way in the dark, hit his nose against
the post. 81 wish that post was in
HILL said he ssBettcr wish it some
where else." said bystauder, you
might run against it again"
Eg- If half a pound Of copper will
make oow-bell, how much will it take
to make acow heller - Vest Bend DEM
oerot
E1- Sonny. DEAR" said fond
mother, "yoa have dirty face I"
Cant help it mamma, dads Black
Republican.
EE- /" Aint it wicked to rob dis chick
en-roost, Bob 7" said a williamsburg
colored worthy to his pal. "Dafs a
great moral question, Jim; We .haint no
time to argue it now. Hand down
another pullct."
re- a country editor having received
two gold dollars in advance for his paper
says that he allows bis children to play
with other children as usual.
Gg- A popularity Of Price, tao prize
fighter who had littlo g transaction the
other day at Point Albino, is said to be
that !" he don't know when he is whipped
aud won't stop to inquire
ES- II do declare, Sal, you look
pretty enough to eat" "AyelI, Solo.
mon, Amt eating as fast as | camp
replied Sal, with her mouth full.
A CIILLY FASHION. An Indiana pa
por says that the fever aud aguc is quite
fashionable at Hobart--almost as much
80 as ladies'" hoops.
Asfy- '.Bo jabers," says Pat, ''the dev-
il show has man who waits till he is
killed before he acts on the defensive. 4"