The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1859-12-07
MISCELLANEOUS.


How to Keep a Hotel.
A man may be a first-ratc fellow, as Matt
Peel used to say, and yet not know how to
keep hotel. If ability in hotel keeping
be u test Of a good fellow, there is one man
for whom we can certainly vouch as all sorts
Of good fellow. He keeps hotel, or a
country tavern if you will, away up in the
interior of Arkansas somewhere. The way
we happened to hear of him was this 49,
Several weeks ago, two well known gen.
tlemcn Of this city went travelling for the
benefit Of their health, and concluded to try
the famous Hot Springs Of old "Racken-
sack" There being neither river, railroad
OF canal to take body to the Springs, cur
travellers hired horses at their destination.
They unluckily did not follow the right road
or else there was no right road to follow;
at any rate they got lost, and after a ia
tiguing days ride through barren and in
hospitable wilderness, they came to a neat
little building standing alone in the woods,
with farming appendages around. Our
travellers halted and hallooed. A great tall,
raw-boned giant Of fellow stepped out.
Scan we get lodgings here to-nght?"
asked one of the horscman
"Well, gentlemen, l reckon you Kim"
said the big one, 'and wclkim to boot
This is a hotel" w. ~ III
The travellers, although they did not like
the cut of the landlords Ib, dismountcd,
were relieved of their horses, and were soon
RECALLING themselves over q good country
supper Of corn dodgers, bacon, milk, fried
chickens and coffee 1t was a regular
country supper, but with their whctted ap-
cities our invalids enjoyed it amazingly.
After supper the gigantic landlord sat on
the porch with them, talking, laughing,
cracking jokes, and treating occasionally to
some good old rye, of which he appeared to
have plentiful stock The invalids set
him down for a regular "brick," and were
still better pleased when lighted at last to
nice soft feather beds, with the whitest and
sweetest of sheets.
Next morning our travellers were aroused
by their ugly but affable landlord, and re.
galed with breakfast, if possible, more an.
petizing than the last nights supper had
been. s~
The horses were brought around, and il
was evident that they too had been well
cared for. One of the travellers pulled out
his wallet, and said to the big entertainer /:
"Well, landlord, you keep first rate lit
tie hotel out here; better than VIC expected
to find. We are much pleased with It, and
now we want to know what the damage is. y
The landlord drew himself up, and put
ting on very solemn look, said, "Gentle.
men, I'm pleased to hear yer satisfied
The bill is two hundred and seventy-five
dollars!'
How much did you say, sir ?" asked
the travellers, both startled
The big one, drawing himself up a little
higher, and looking still more solemn, re-
piled, distinctly and emphatically, 1.-TWO
hundred and seventy-fve dollars, gentle
men,"
do hear you right, sir? do you really
mean to charge us two hundred and seven.
ty-fiyc dollars, for two meals and lodging
and horse feed?'
Gentlemen, said the landlord, with the
utmost alarming sang froid, ''that's no mis-.
take. Two hundred and scventy-fiye dol.
lars is the BILL
The invalids got scared. They did no,
feel strong enough to fight; and If they
had, could never have hoped to make anv.
thing out Of the ungainly giant who stood
80 composed before them Without saving
another word, the traveller with the wallet
squeezed it, and peeled its different pockets,
and succeeded in handing over the full
amount required. The landlord thanked
his guests politely, and hoped if they should
ever pass that way again, that they would
give him call.
The travellers were now on their horses
and prepared, like the famous cavaliers ir
James novels, to resume their solitary ride
Before getting off, however, the travele,
who had to disgorge, turned in his saddle
and hailed the landlord:
II say, landlord" he shouted, "before gt
I'd just like to ask you one question:
civil question-which you cam take offence
It,"
Fire ahead, gentleman" was the answer
''ye've paid yer bill, and yer welkim to 81,
anything, without offence"
well, how in the name of heaven dit
you come to charge US two hundred ant
seventy-ive dollars for one nights accom-
mediation, not worth more than five or 81,
dollars at the outside?''
Certainly, gentlemen, I'll tell yer ant
welkim. Yer see l keep hotel; ant
sometimes has customers and sometime
hasn't. When | hasn't, has to charg
accordin', and as you are the first custom
ers I've had for well nigh on to a year, We
bill was little bigger than it mout hav
been otherwise. The hotel has to be kep
up, gentlemen, and when customers /
scarce has to charge accordin'."
"Good morning, landlord" said both tn
travellers, and they rode off satisfied.
They didn't 90 to the Springs, howsve,
They took the back track for the river. an
returned to the city for more money, tn
big hotel keeper having pretty well cieane
them out: Resupplied with funds, they ar
now OF to the Virginia Springs, being un
w1ihng 70 trust Themselves again among tn
hotels Of interior Arkansas.
They declare, though, that the big fello,
who heeced them is . capital fellow-a
sorts Of fellow-and knows how to kee
hotel into the bargain.-N. o. Crescsni