Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1859-08-23
Wit on Tombstones.


tombstones, and mortuary puns have long been
famous. The eptaph of the witty divine DR..
Thomas Fuller, is worthy of himself, simply
Fuller's earth.
There is professional point in the epitaph of
the eminent barriser, Sir John Strange:
Here lies an honest lawyer-that is Strange.
And by what an outrageous quibble has the
name of VIM. Button, Esq, been handed down
to immortality. The epitaph is to be seen in a
church yard near Salisbury
o sun, moon, stars, and ye celestial poles
Are graves, then, dwinatsa into Button holes?
There is something quaint and touching in
this epitaph of Grimaldi, the distinguished
clown:
One of the best of this briefer kind was pro.
posed by Jerrold, whose wit did not always wear
SO courteous dress. Charles Knight, the Shaks
peran critic, was the subject, and the words
Good Knight.
Professional rivalry produced this ill-natured
inscription for the tombstone of western ed.
itor:
Here lies an Editor.
It is added that the injured man recommend
ed the author to use the inscription as motto
for his own journal.
OF histrionic epitapbs, the best is this one on
one of Shakspeare's actors:
| Exit Burbage.
In similar vein wit gave couplet to Mrs.
Old6eld, the most celebrated actress of her day ::
This we must own, in justice to her shade,
The first bad exit 0ldheId ever made
| Something of compliment is here sacrificed to
make the point. 1t is the reverse of Malcolm's
eulogy on Cawdor:
Nothing in his life
Became him like the leaving oft.
The commedian Foote, takes his turn thus:
Foote, from his earthly stage, aasl is hurled;
Death took him of, who took off all the world.
Westminter Abbey has some notable epitaphs
This, by Samuel Wesley, is on the monument to
Butler, the author of Hudibras:
When Butler, needy wretch was still alive
No generous patron would q dinner give;
See him, when starved to death and turned to dust
Presented with monumental bust!
The poets fate is here in emblem shown:
He asked for bread and he received stone.
This couplet on u monument to John Gay, the
poet, Thackeray's "Little French Able" is hard
/ ly suited to a Christian Church:
Life is a jest, and all things show it;
thought so once, and now know it.
| And what defiance there is in this on the
monument of shat gallant, soldier, Sir Thomas
We're: :"
When We're sought death, armed with his sword and
| shield
Death was afraid to meet him in the field;
But when his weapons he had laid aside,
Death, like coward, struck him, and he died.
Sir Thomas Parkins, the great wrestler, caus
monument to be built for himself, on which
was sculpture in relief, depicting death in
the act of overthrowing Sir Thomas. The cpl.
taph, which is in Latin, reads as follows:
Here lies the chief, who once threw all,
| Thrown by the conquering arm OF Death
Who ne er had given the knight fall,
But that he found him out of breath,
DuL uoas1 not I~.tLi ~i.h empty pride,
| Thy strength; the day will come when he
Arising, with fresh breath supplied,
Shall vanquish time, and conquer thee.
Miss Long was a beautiful actress OF the last
century, so short in stature that she was known
as the pocket Venus. Her eptaph concludes
Though Long, yet short,
Though short, yet Pretty Long.
Bancroft, Archbishop of Canterbury, was a
covetous man, and this pasquinading epitaph
was put on him:
Here lies his Grace in cold clay clad
Who died for want Of what he had.
The reverse of this one on Mr.. James Wors-
dale, very liberal man;
Eager to get, but not to keep the pelf;
| A friend to all mankind but not himself.
We close our list with the pathetic inscrip-
ton placed by an honest Illinois farmer over the
double grave Of span of favorite horses, struck
down by lightning, and buried in his front yard:
Peace to their names!