Richmond daily Whig. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1842-1861, 1859-11-05
foR rRr VINO.


benightment snl in unloyalty TO my ever dear oil,
mother, Virginia, believed that Euglishmcn and Rus
slams were people. such however, is not the case.
am wiser now, and know that England is a country Ia
boring under dry-rot il i, virginians say of
tree dotted, and Engiishmen but the fungoid re
mains OF what was once people. II is with much
pleasure that make this undeniable statement for W,
OF Virginia sprang from British lons In like manner
the Goddess of Wisdom aud of War spranr from tha
broken-down old rake and thunderer, Jove Minervs
came from pain in Jupiters head and Virginia came
from pain, for the want OF sense in the head of Bull
As for the Russians they slaves hence they aps
the OF Nrgnians But their slaves are white
and until they learn how to "thar, and to call a Gu
curiber ''curcumber, they cannot in NV opinion Ia,
any claim whatever the honor OF being called people
In this connection it is well state for the benefit OF
political economists that the apparently human beings
of the British Isles would this day have remained
what they once were. and seem TO be-s pco.
ple-bu for the Act Of Emancipation. There can.
not be a people without niggers aud niggers are
not nicgers unless they slaves A free niger
is monstrosty, Hcunyhyn, a hand without mus,
Giles, an ampnaied leg, glass eye-ball, and shin.
plasier-uncurrcn at that. In a word he is tender
without any locomotive; fue-coals for example-wth.
out any machinery. niger without master is hten,
power oil the track. Put him by himself, YOU can
get him along only by pushing constant aud severe
that IL costs more than IL to- Tackle him TO AN
engine in the shape of white man. aud the long train
laden with industrial products goes it with rush. the
locomotive displays itself to advantage aud In. black
tender follows and keeps close up behind in blaze of
dust and glory
Some mes-pity the distance Is not greater, 10 the
were, people But they only Yankees From repeat.
ell close and careful personal inspection of great mum.
bers of them, am prepared to that almost any
born and raised in Virginia would mistake them for
beings endowed with the celestial spark of reason Gifted
with the neamcnts, the members aud the garb of hu.
mainly they succeeded for many years in pslnng them.
selves of people The imposturc indeed was carried
an Incredible pitch Yankees it is said hut how can
believe il - Yankees employed instruct the i'm.
mortal mind of the youth of Virginia. Oh astounding
But the statements neither of history tradition can
hs he I mn no lu,itt
preposterous. Why, / would respectfully asa do we
never meet with Virginian, Young Old or middle
aged who SAYS heaow' for "how =" doc" for dew
"duut for don't and such like execrabIe jargonisms
answer. because such do c1is, in the limits OF the
Great Commonwealth il they do dare not give vocal
other token of Ta2kee instruction lest suddenly they
be Knocked down by the earliest sapng which the Vr-
gilman who hears them wrench from blessed soil
dissenting Engshman, wrenched by the violence Of
his fanatn from the nutritious juices OF bef and
to suhsi upon the marrowess insipdy of Goldfish and
pumpkins clans and onions the Yankee Is not in auy
person. lie is chatel of the worse possible
maser-s machine He j. bad version of Frankensein
the trembling aud eveTobedient slave OF his own crea
tionsa wiper and cleaner Of the dirty iron structures
made by his own hands. The highest of his menia
functiouss revolving to the whchanded Virginia noble
man. For what oter task has he than absterge the
grimy oritces Joints, and bowels of a locomotive xvi
IDENTIFY In place Of reason he has cutaness-thc
faculty OF invention On this he is tolerated un-
I'll such tim" the Nirgiusns begin that ir-
rcprcsble coEhict which inevitably end in the
conquest the daily habit Of chewing tobacco aad the
right pronunciation Of har ofal that par OF the hah
table globe which is capable OF enlightened civilization
So long shall seem advisable to countenance i'm
proNemeus in machinery, the Legislators of Virginia
holding nov, they have always done and will ALWAYS
DO absolute control of the Federal Government will con.
tnue 10 surround the Yankee with the protection
OF law and Ia invest him with the right OF suffrage
the liberty Of unrestricted concubinage according
10 the latest OF free love- and the full per.
mission 10 worship, according the dictates of
hi oNn conscience that traustory woody headed
idol known in Virginia as runaway niger. This pc.
rod contrary TO the supposition of all Yankees and
fcw of the less cultivated Nrginiaus viii be in.
definite duration. On the contrary it will be brief
quite brief Ii shall come 10 pass dull July after
noon about four from now that Nirgnian hear.
ing that Anderson hDe-cGt tobacco IL seriously inter.
ieTnr ith the sale 81 the Legitimate Ognoco plug and
learning from liz "EHy''iTS that Seward has at last
laid his incendiary hand the Supreme Court with in
tent 10 recoEstrnct itthat /. fill its benches with
Abo;ionissit shall then come 10 pass that Vrgni,n
rouag from the lethargy superinduceh by the anbro.
AL Diet, hereafter to l." corhed, eecting his fstbg
qnid replace it With fresh and larger one and dis.
engaging his hoees7 feet from the summit of the lofty
mautepocc will slowly repair the shade OF neigh
boring honey shack tree, behind the ice house and
there proceed TO asen his eyes into the corner OF d
hpidated wormience. In silence, profound az 10 be
interrupted only by the inccssan song OF the iary aud
the intermittent gush of the juice of his adored weed he
vi" persist In meditation for the space Of min.
ues AT the expiration of that time he will have done
thing of which, although be a work of necessity he
will be heartily aShamed-he will have invented ma
clio" ior the invention of all kind1 of machines that
Tiih.an auxiliary machine to attend to all Of ma
chimes TO keep them perpetnay creased aud in working
tfn and 10 repair any damage however extensive short
OF eu're destruction. that put them Of running
order Oyerpowered by the unnatural and disgracefuI
eon, he will seek relaxation in the uncalled.for aud
unieserved chastisement of small male niger order
an early supper eat quart Of iced butter milk aud four
cod- OF dough called done biscuit and 90 straight
to bed Unable TO sleep. he will fret himself into anoh.
er III Of invention, the result of which will be machine
for pursuing, catching and bringing back fugitive
"a hl vi adj L..t
opening the African Slave Trade Satisfied with Thu.
his thoughts will rush ioyfnly back into their natural
channel; he viii recur with pleasure TO the cardinal
principles Of the democratic party" and after spending
few moments in blissul contemplation Of the resolu
tons of 80, will fall into a sterorous sunber and en-
tighten bis wife with his somnanbulsiic views of the
question Of Intervention for Protection" IN the morn
ing he will rise to his plug with more than his wonted
aVenous avdity, eat some more heated dough diluted
with rawish chicken, straddle haffed bloOded horse
and pace of to the town, get Young LAWYER
to write out account preceded and concluded by !,
number OF political reflections o his inventions Of the
dny previous This account will he published in the
Richmond papers, accompanied by leading editorials com
plimening OF abusing the nyeDtoT for his party aia
uon4 FROM the moment OF that publication, Jonathan
Othellos occupation will be gone. lie will subst for
time machine made boot pegs after which finding no
for his faculties lac will die of clagrin and cerebral
rather ccrehelal hamilton. And then such eonsun-
nation being for the first time possible the
elevation Of mankind toward the altitude Of Virginia gen
tlemon will begin.
Recurring the subject Of Ppeople IL Is enough 10
say Of the dWeers in the Western aud
tons OF the COnfederacy. that OF abandoned hog
tteners, mule grOwer grain mcasurers aud hemp
could not even in the most ecsatc moments Of AFRO
gance inspired by bad whisky call themselves people
To locate quarter section OF prairie TO clear
IT, aud then quit h and go 10 Pixies Peak aud come bach
10 rags and vote for Stephen 4 Dougashese perform
ances though not essentially dsbOEOTable, do Occu
being precisely those which nature equivOcll
u human would delight in The truth IT, the be
tween the Nirginan and the Yankee, the German,
any Of the inferior races l. never except in single n
stance attended with results at all cneouragn,
than the cross between the horse aud the On TIL
hand we have the Kinney Iooser, entirely use
/ less hpcd nnd on the other, the mule Mssoufisn
| very gOod beast Of drlEght zhen broke The eN
ccponsl instance alluded TO. which from sense
/ Justice not less than OF personal Obligation am con
strained 10 notice j. that Of the Virginia nuatio.
| have marveed how often know not the gross m,
neglect Of this delightful hybrid by Virgins
ihors and editors. Why poem has been addres
ed 10 Of the most beautiful and useful staples Of on
| state could never tell Our literature i shameful
defective in this regard. We have ngg"r5 IN pdnt b.
the tb0uaud but muaito has ever yet gone pref
unless Il he the tobacco pross Aud YET the mulauO
hc be male aud in any way related 10 the Deoafition
| Independence, makes nnsurpassed fiddler; or II q
les eminent connection excellent carrirgc driver an
~ ipvalnabc barber Bot h. j. ~ the softer form Of th
desirable product that our Indebtedness " greatest