The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-11-19
WHOLE NO. 1874.
SUBscRIBERs CLAssIrun

One Of the Chicago editors gets OF good
hit at newspaper subscribers. lie divides
them into classes, which be says are capable
Of innumerable subdivisions. According to
his "booktionary," the first class are the
uprights. These are the men who take news
papers, pay for them and read them. They
do think by system. They pay 6rst, and then
read.- They are generally intelligent men,
aud consider that they get the worth Of their
money. 1t SCENE as fair and Just to them
that the newspaper should be paid for, a. a
barrel OF -four, or new coat. They never
entertain any other opinion. When the year
runs out, they are on hand again with the
pay. This class, the editor, remarks, are
dear to the heart OF the printer. Their i'm
ages are in bis affections, and they are uni
vsrsally respected.
The second class are the do wells. These
are in some degree related to the first
They pay up during the frst six month";
'intended to do 80 before bat forgot it."
They never forget if they fail to receive
the paper one week. They won't let the
printer suffer, if occasionally reminded Of
bis short comings.
Tbs third class are the easy-d doers. Tbev
believe in newspapsrs-always read them
They take the papers, without urging.
They come up like men and pay for The
first year. The next year rolls along, but
they quiet themselves with the conviction
that they paid for the first year, and on the
strength Of that, they neglect the printer
until &c Segins to enquire after the state Of
their health, pocket, etc., when they sudden
ly awake to the fact that they are in arrears.
and after few weeks gruntiDg and grum-
bling, come forward with Fifty excuses and
pay up the OLD score. They never dispute
the printers bill, however. They know
that books we'll posted tell better stories
than treacherOus, moss covered memories.
II the printer can manage to beg his way
until these wheel horses pay up, he NAV
possibly get along after fashion, but it ie
a hazardous dependence. The next class
are the DOWN KILLERS. Ono of these will
take paper because bis s.wife wants it."
or nsighbor persyados him. When it begins
to come he spends nc thoughts upon it fur
ther. In the course Of the year, if the con-
stable visits him, he may pay up, grudpipgly
but with growls and surly looks. An ordi-
nary dun has no more effect upon him than
q bullet on the side of hippopotameus.-
The printer can't live with such men. The
fifth class are the NIX Gun ROUSE. They
never pay for the paper-nor any thing else
They are ALWAYS grumbling at the editor
too. They don't like his paper, it don't
give no news-nevcr did like it in the first
place-told the post master so-sent back
one year ago, and did't begin to take it
for long time after it come,-hadn't had
but two or three numbers, and them hain't
read it and 30 Oh to the end of the chapter.
Thus they talk, but the printer can read
all such like 6 book )" they have niche
in his memory, and the columns Of bis pa
per he tries hard to instruct them in their
duty and make better men of them.
He finds it an uphill business, however
and soon gives them up-as be sho uld. The
sixth and last class are the sCAPE CRACKS
Every body knows what scape grace is.
One of these fellows never fails to take FIVE
or six newspapers. When be thinks they
have come about long enough for the pub
Usher to want bis pay, be sends word to
6 stop it," or decamps for parts unknown.'
He never intended to pay for it, and don't.
1t decent require many such fellows TO
ssarve out the printer. Such are the va
rieties of mankind who "takes the paper"