davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27
"You can't' says Tom, to lisping Bill,
Find any rhyme for month"
"a great mistake" was Bill's reply,
"I'll lind a rhyme at onth."

'I'll lind a rhyme at onh."
CT The following advertisement of q
constable's sale was taken from the wall Of
public room in a tavern, in the State Of
Indiana:
"Norrs.-For sale COW with a calf by
the subscriber. JOHN Brooks"
ca Why does black hen luy white eggs?
Because she can't lay them Of any other
color.
"Mary, am glad your heel ha, get
"Why?" asked Mary, opening wide her
large blue eyes in astonishnent
go, nothing" said John; only see it's
able TO be out"
wA lady asked little two-yenr old,
who gives you your daily bread:' Dad
replied the child, 'bus uncle Peter puts su
gar on
G. Call lady chicken and ten to
one she il angry with you. Tell her she is
mo chicken and twenty to one she is more
angry still.
re- Jones, in q dilemma, said he was at
bis wits end. Smith sarcastically remark
ed that it would not take him long to return
he had not come far. Sharp, in Smith.
cTWhen some one was lamcnting Fsot's
unlucky fate in being kicked in Dublin,
johnson said no was glad of it. "He is ri
sing in the world" he added; "when he
was in England, no. one thought it worth
while to kick him."
Cy" Why in such hurry" said man
to an acquaintance.
"Sir." he replied, 81 have bought new
bonnetf or my wife, and fear the fashions
may change before get home.'
F$Dr. Young says, that man and wife
arc like soul and body-always at variance,
and yet 10th to part:
Position is something, but not every
thing. The eyes are in the rear OF the nose,
Int one can see much farther than it can
smell.
c% Three things can never agree, TWO
cats over one mouse; two wives IN one mouse;
two lovers utter enc maiden.
s Wbv il q sheriff's officer like USE
fui invention? Because he il suE-lng ma
chine.
c%Bald headed men take joke the
nars easily. because they ara not ut the
trouble of getting it through their hair.
->>- :,
~ Tho following sentence contains the
aJohn P. Brady gave me black walnut
box of quite small SIZE"
---S-~-
~ In an Irish provincial journal there
:. en advertisement running thus: Wanted,
hand labortr; who can pillow, married
man and Pr otestant, with a son or da"sh-
ter.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

Why does black hen lay white eggs?
Because she can't lay them Of any other
color
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

G. Call lady chicken and ten to
one she il angry with you. Tell her she is
mo chicken and twenty to one she is more
angry still.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

Jones, in q dilemma, said he was at
bis wits end. Smith sarcastically remark
ed that it would not take him long to return
he had not come far. Sharp, in Smith.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

"Mary, l am glad your heel has get
well.'
"Why?" asked Mary, opening wide her
large blue eyes in astonishnent.
so, nothing" said John; only l see it's
able to be out"
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

CyA lady asked a little two-yenr old,
who gives you your daily bread;' Dad
replied the child, 'bus uncle Peter puts su
gar on
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

r%Rald headed men take joke the
more easily, because they ara no. ~ 'he
trouble of getting it throug their hair
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

c%When some one was lamcnting Fsot's
unlucky fate in being kicked in Dublin,
johnson said he was glad of it. "He is ri
sing in the world" he added; "when he
was in England, no. one thought it worth
wh;le to kick HIM:
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27
mr.. Smiths Oil Cure..-rotheAtflicted.

DR.. Smiths Oil Cures-TOt The Afihc'eo'
Having had considerable experience In the useo' W
Smiths Electric OIL have hesancy IN saying 'ha
i, surpasses anything have yet found, for inc
Rheumatic complaints Having long suffered iro' Nneu-
,natisn was induced try this remedy and was
,stonished at the result, it affected IspiI s ~
s;s neTmanent cure would advise all suffering from
rheumatic or nervous diseases. to try this
ont delay and think you will find that is rsn.
-.... r;,, Ma, Of 1855
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

rr Tho following sentence contains the
entire alphabet: n.., walnut
"John P. Brady gave me black walnut
box Of quite a small size"
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

In an Irish provincial journal there
il an advertisement running tnuS "an.:u,
a hand laborsr; who can piow, m aas
man and Pl otestans, With a son or 'a"sn-
ter,
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

Don't Believe N:-lf any interested one WIS w"
that physic iodines, euiacum, beedhs, al' N'"'' "
other in iudicious means will relieve pam IKE SMITH
" Electric OIL don't believe it, The Simple uu'u Is
daily made evident every where in the undons OF inc
nrcyous bt Of the most severe cases ever
heard this country other, BY the use 'hs
Electric OIL.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27
NOTICE.

April 23d, 1859. W n52 n
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

~ Why is a sherif's officer like USE
full invention? Because he il suE-lng ma
china.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

c. Three things can never agree two
cats over one mouse; two wives IN one house;
two lovers utter enc maiden.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-08-27

"Why in such hurry" said man
to an acquaintance.
"Sir," he replied, 81 have bought new
bonnetf or my wife, and fear the fashions
may change before get home.'
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

At eight o'clock precisely, the door bell
Of Mr.. Breman's mansion rung Mr..
Charles Copeland was ushered in by my
friend James. Old Paul took him kindly
by the hand, and then turning round abb
ruptly, introduced him to my daughter,
Miss Annie Peyton Brennan" and imme.
diately withdrew.
"Charles you will forgive me this p
He was too much astonished to make any
reply. /" IF you knew all my motives and
feelings, 1 am sure you would"
That the motives and feelings were very
soon explained to his entire satisfaction,
no Que will doubt.
Copeland, my dear fellow" shouted
old Paul as he entered the room, no use
in a long engagement !'
90, father %
No use now, get ready afterwards,
next Monday evening-who cares want it
over, feel settled. Shant part with Annie
though, must bring your wife here, house
rather lonesome, be still no words, must
have it so, partner in business, Brennan &
Copeland, got the papers all up to-day,
can't alter it. Be quiet will you. Won't
stay in the ROOM"
| have now finished my story. reader,
have given you the facts l cannot say
however, that l approve of the deception
practlced upon our friend Charles. As
however, our Lora Commended the Gun.
just steward because he acted wisely" SO
suppose, the good sense shown by the
young lady in choosing husband for the
sake of what he was, and not for the sake
of what he might have possessed, merits
our appreciation. 1t is not every one who
has moral courage enough to step out Of
the circle which surrounds the wealthy
and geek for those qualities of mind and
heart which the world can neither give mol
take away.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

EUROPE IN A STATE OF BANKRUPTCY -
Louis Napoleon asks for a loan of $780,
100000, to carry on his campaign in It.
a,y Russia has just put loan in the
market amounting to S60,000,000; Aus
tria has been in the market unsuccessfully
for $30,000,000 more, and, on failure to
negotiate his proposed loan, seized on the
metallic currency of the Austrian Banks.
Prussia proposes to negotiate for S45,-
900 900; Sardinia for S25, 100000; and
England for $30,OO0,OO0 on behalf of
India.
This makes the total amount Of new
loans in the market, on behalf of the Eu-
ropean States, s2SO,0O0,OO0, to which is
to be added more than $4,000, 100000
Or ten billion dollars-already due from
these same governments And yet they
talk of going to war when every one Of
them is incontestably bankrupt. The war
will be likely to break them into fragments
forever, as governments, and it is more
likely than ever that better and more pop
ular political institutions will rise from
their ruins.
England has 10 pay S120,00O,0OO an
nuallv on her debt. 1t costs her nearly
S160,000,000 to maintain an efficient
army and navy. And her entire annual
expenses amount to 100000. 1t
costs Russia about S75,0O0,000 to sup.
port her army and navy, while her entire
debt is $8S,000,000. And the finances
of France are in no better condition. The
moment any of these governments signify
their inability to pay the interests on these
huge debts, crash goes everything; there
is no political power on the carpet that
could stand for day before the indigna-
tion and rage of detrauded and over
borne people.-And they may come tc
see, much sooner than is now expected
that the aggrandizement of Emperors, and
Kings, and Princes is in no sonse essentia
to the safety of the well-being of the peo
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

"A young minister, in highly eisb-
crate sermon which he preached while
supplying an absent minister's pulpit. said
several times, when giving some new ex-
position on passage" The commen-
tators do not agree with me here" Next
morning, as he was running on with bis
performances, poor woman came to see
him with something in her apron: She
said her husband heard his sermon, xnd
thought it was very good one and as he
said ) "the comon taters did not agree
with him here" he had sent some Of TIE
very best Jersey blues. -
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

IF lamp oil is spilled on dress that
will not be injured by wetting, lay tim
mediately in a tub of cold water, "A
portion of the oil will be shortly sesn TO
rise Oh the surface then pour of the
water, replace it with fresh, and still
more oil will be seen floating on the top.
Again pour off the water, and fill the tub
anew, repeating the process till no more
oil can be discovered on the surfsce.
Then take out the dress, wiring it well, dry
and iron it.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01
Be Truthful, ALWAYS.

This little story, copied from an ex.
change paper, is excellent. Read it, boys
and take its lessons we'll to heart -
1.-TWO country lads came at an early
hour to a market town. and arranging,
their little stands, sat down to wait for
customers. One was furnished with fruits
and vegetables of the boys own raising,
and the other supplied with clans and fish.
The market hours passed along, and each
little merchant saw with pleasure his store
steadily decreasing, and an equivalent in
silver bits shining in his little money cup.
The last melon lay on Harry's stand, when
gentleman came by, and placing his
hand upon it, said -" What fine large
melon l think l must have this for nv
dinner. What do you ask for it my boy ?o
1.-The melon is the last have sir and
though it looks very fair there is an un.
sound spot on the other side" said the boy
turning it over.
So there is" said the man | think
will not take it. But" he added, look.
ing into the boys fine open countenance,
it is very unbusiness-like to point out the
defects of your fruits to customers ?"
{" 1t is better than being dishonest, sir,
said the boy modsstly.
Z" You are right, my little fellow al.
ways remember that principle, and you
will find favor with God, and man also.
You have nothing else / wish for this
morning, but shall remember your little
stand in future. Are those clans fresh r'
he continued, turning to Ben Wilson's
stand.
"Yes, sir; fresh this morning. | caught
them myself" was the reply and pur-
chase being made, the gentleman went
away.
Harry, what fool you was to show
the gentleman that spot in the melon.
Now, you can take it home for your palms.
or throw it away. How much wiser is he
about these clans l caught yesterday
Sold them for the same price I did the
fresh ones. He would never have looked
at the melon until he had gone away"
Ben. | would not tell lie, or act one
either, for twice what l have earned this
morning. Besides l shall be better of in
the end, for have gained a customer,
and you have lost one."
And 50 it proved, for the next day the
gentleman bought nearly all his fruit and
vegetables of Harry, but never invested
another penny at the stand of his neigh.
Dor. Thus the season passed the gen.
tleman finding he could always get good
article of Harry, continually patronized
him, and sometimes talked with him few
minutes about his future hopes and pros
poets. To become merchant was his
great ambition, and when the winter came
on, the gentleman wanting trusty boy
for his store, decided on giving the place
to Harry, Steadily and surely he ad.
vanced in the confidence of his employer
until having passed through the variou:
gradations of clerkship he became al
length m honorsd partner in the firm.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01
MISCELLANEOUS.
A First Rate Love Story


1t is our taste to have things of this
kind done something in this way.
Annie had arrived at the natural age of
(do not start, reader, twenty-seven, and
yet in state of single blessedness. Some.
how or another, she had not even fallen
in love as yet. "Had she no offers 2"
What simple question! Did you ever
know half a million of dollars go begging
offers 1t may be accounted as one of
her oddities, perhaps, but whenever the
subject happened to be touched upon by
her father. Annie would say that she
wanted some one who could love her for
herself, and she must have assurance of
this, and how could she in her present
position7 Thus matters stood, when An.
ME was led to form and execute what will
appear very strange resolution, but she
was resolute girl, We must 60 back
six years.
One dark, rainy morning in Novem.
Der, as our old friend was looking com.
posedly at the cheerful fire in the CRATE of
his counting-room, really indulging in
some serious reflections on the past and
future, the far future. too, gentleman
presented himself and inquired for Mr..
Brennan. The old man uttered not
word, but merely bowed. There was that
in his looks which said /" l am he."
The stranger might have been some
thirty years or so of age. He was dressed
in black, mourning weed was on his hat
and there was something in his appearance
which seemed to indicate that the friend
whose loss he deplored had recently de.
parted. The letter of introduction which
he presented to Mr.. Brennan was quickly
yet carefully perused, and as it was some
what unique, we shall take the liberty Of
submitting it to the inspection of the
reader:
-, IL no., l8-.
"Friend Paul-This will introduce to
thee friend Charles Copeland. He has
come to thy city in pursuit of business. I
have known him from youth up. Thou
mayest depend upon him for aught that
he can do and shall not lean as on broken
reed. If thou canst do anything for him,
thou mayest peradventure benefit thyself,
and cause to rejoice,
"Thy former and present friend,
5 MICAH LOOMS"
1t is not every one who can get old
} Micah LOOMS Endorsement on his charac.
ter" said Paul Brennan to himrelf as be
folded up the letter of a we'll known asso
8 ciate of former days. Old Micah is good
for a quarter Of million or for anything
else it will dol want him-getting oil
business increasing-must have help
now as well as any time"
The old gentleman looked at all this a
he stood gazing in perfect silence on tn
man before him. At length he opene
his lips.
"Mr. Copeland, you know all abou
y booksT
81 have had few years experience.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

TROUBLES OF TELEeRAPHING IN INDIA.--
The telegraphers in India make great
complaints, not only that the rebels cut
the wires, but that the elephants and
othes animals rub against the posts and
PROSTATE them, while the monkeys, under
a complete misapprehension of the objects
Of the telegraph system, delight to use
the wires for athletic sports and pastimes.
Mr.. Russell says" have seen half a
dozen great monkeys or b'boons at work
on one feeble stretch of wire, posturing,
grinning, and chattering away IN the
highest spirits-some walking topsy-turvy
along it, others tugging it up and down
with main force, considerably increased by
the circumstance that other monkeys were
hanging on by their tails and other striv-
ing to detach the wire from the posts, SO
as to give their friends a sudden fall /;
while ants eat the base of the posts away;
sudden gusts Of wind blow miles of wire
and posts fat to the Garth"
In addition to this, it is hard to trans.
NIT the messages in smart active, wide
awake and intelligent manner, when the
thermometer is ranging between 80 and
l20 degrees.-Bo Boston Traveller.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

How TO MAKE PLEASANT SuhkEa
DR1NK.--Two gallons of ginger beer may
be made as follows Put two gallons Of
cold water into a pot upon the FIRE; add
to it two ounces Of good ginger, and two
ounces of white or brown sugar. Let all
this come to boil, and continue boiling
for an hour. Then skim the liquor and
pour it into a jar or tub, along with one
sliced lemon and half an ounce of cream
of tartar When nearly cold, put in q
teasponful Of yeast to cause the liquor to
work. The beer is now made and after
it has worked for two days, strain and
bottle for use. Tie the corks down firmly.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

a. The ELDER Bush A PREVENTATIVE OF
TNsEeTs.-It is not known to many per
sons that the common elder bush of our
country is a great safeguard against the
devastation of insects. IF any one will
notice, it will be found that worms or In
sects never touch the elder. The fact was
the initial.point of experiments of an Eng
lishman in 1894, and he communicated
the results of his experiments to London
magazine. Accident exhumed his old
work, and Kentucky correspondent last
year communicated to the Dollar Nesos-
paper a copy of the practical results as
asserted by the English experimenter
that the leaves of the elder, scattered over
cabbages, cucumbers, squashes, and other
plants subject to the ravages Of insects,
effectually shields them.-The plum, and
other fruits subject to the ravages Of in
sects, may be saved by placing on the
branches and through the tree punches of
elder leaves Herkimer ". W Jour-
70/
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

A CONSTANT MIRAcLE.-The Bible it.
self is standing and an astonishing mir.
acle. Written, fragment by fragment,
throughout the course of fifteen centuries,
under different states of society and in
different languages, by persons, of the
most opposite tempers, talents and condi-
tions, learned and unlearned, prince and
peasant, bond and free; cast into every
form of instructive composition and good
writing, history, prophecy, poetry, allego-
ry, embelmatic representation, judicious
Interpretation, literal statement, precept,
example, proverbs, disquisitions, epistle,
sermon, prayer-in short, all rational
shapes of human discourse, and treating,
moreover, on subjects not obvious, but
most difficult; its authors are not found,
like other writers, contradicting one anoth-
er upon the most ordinary matters of fact
and opinion, but are at harmony upon the
whole of their sublime and momentous
schsme.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

SAVING SOAP GREASE, AND MAKING IT
UP,-In order to keep soap grease clean
and sweet during summer, run of some
lye, and boil it down until it will eat a
feather, if put into it. Then but it away
in an iron or other vessel, and throw
your meat rinds and scraps therein.
When you make your soap, boil down lye
as before, but 1t into an iron kettle, add
this grease with other, if you have it, and
let it boil, and stir occasionally. In Or
der to test the proportions of grease and
lye, take some out into dish, let it cool,
and if it does not get hard, your soap
needs more boiling and more lye; if too
much lye, It will settle to the bottom,
when add more grease and boiling. The
experienced can test the presence Of
too much lye by its keen bite, and its ab.
sence, vice versa, by touch Of the tongue.
A half day is time enough ordinarily to
make a kettle of soap, which done, should
cut out like gingerbread
Champaign Co., 4th mo-, 1856 A. W.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

PHoToaRAPHINa SoUND.-A singular
discovery has been made in England, by
Mr.. Scott, by means Of which sounds
may be made to record themselves, wheth-
er these sounds are those of musical in.
strument or of the voice. Professcr
Wheatstone. during visit to Paris, was
invited by the Able Moigno to inspect the
papers on which these sounds had printed
themselves, and is said to have been great
ly surprised at what he saw. The mark
made on the paper by particular note is
invariably the same; so also, if person
speaks, the tone of voice is faithfully re-
corded. As yet, no practical advantage
has resulted from this discovery, but Mr..
Scott is sanguine that his apparatus will
be capable of printing speech, which
may be written off verbatim.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

-" Are you the Judge of Rebrobates 7
asked Mrs. Partington, as she walked in
to an Office of Judge of Probate. 81
am a Judge of Probates," was the reply.
" Well, that's I expect" quoth the old
lady, You see, my father died detes-
ted, and he left several little infdels, and
l want to be their executioner,"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1859-06-01

-" Donald, said Scotch dame, look
ing up from the catechism to her son,
what's SANDER p
"a SANDER. guide mither !" quoth
young Donald, twisting the corner of his
plaid, "aweel, 1 hardly ken, unless it
mayhapan over true tale which one GUIDE
woman tells of anither.