The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1859-10-07

| pittEnL neat, tufned ont OY roHleF "
Wells. practical phrenologiS.s, stands
at the tloorl oking like live fashion
plate from Genio Scots.
All, my Roy what do YOU want ,"
Boy, am not a boy, sir (twir'ing
a patent goater)-I am gen. raj agent
for the Saciety for Imposing the Race,
and have come to lay our plans before
you and get your patronage"
"Ah yes, with a groan) walk in sir,
walk in."
Well sir, have just ten minutes
and three quarters to spare, before the
lightning train leaves for the city o.
Go -while-you-are-young and can
develop the grandest scheme foI rrgen-
Grating men that has e er been diseov
cred in that time"
''Regenerating man? Why, sir, I
have been preaching the gospel Of re-
genera ion these forty years. The only
way | 4now of is for rnon to repent
and live pure lives"
"Ol, th its all out Of date. Why,
now.a DAYS, man can become a chris
tian in 80 seconds BY the watch. II
don't change his life at ALL He can
cheat and gamble in politics and lotte-
ries, and lie himself into office Just as
well. The parson does up the piety
nowadays. and all that fashionable
sinner has to do, is TO sign the paper,
(rfee'ls | believe they call them, pay
his quarterage, aud he can get free
pass on the first class train to heaven,
where he can 'pre,empt' the site for
heavenly mansions, and realize for his
in three days. That old idea of Pil
grim's Progress is all down in the mar
ke', and W mt pay ten cents on a dol
lar. But | want to show you my IAan !"
(Mr. Fogy s,ares too much struck
up TO speak.
you see, sir, man is but a comhi
nation Of electricity aud the Odyli,.
force clothed in flesh and blood. If.
therefore, you can concentrate anil
combine these clements IL their proper
proportions, you can make men as fast
as you please. BY recent wonder
faI invention, b Professor A. Gass-he-
is, we have got machine for supgrce-
ding entirely the necessity Of being
born. | viii bring in my machine and
show you bow it works Here you see
IS generator Of electricity, on the
side ii is impregnated with magnetism,
and runs off into this val, pure Olgle.
Now, we tlll this val with due qnanti-
ties Of the k nd Of fool which main
needs TO prednee the right proportion
Of bone and muscle, and nerve, and
run Oft after ii has become fused, into
these monlls for men and women and
children, of all sizes from six mouths
old to forty years; leave it 10 harlem a
few minutes, andth n insert lnis pipe
into the mouth Of the subject. turn on
a stream Of electticity, aud the boiy
begins to moVe-sneezes and shouts,
halo let nus out aud your man is
made TO sui yonr taste. ] can make
| You a son aua heir, who shall be twen
~ j ears eld in fifteen minutes, Or, il
| ven prefer two year old baby, Che
shoail have applied to Mrs. Cunning
hain) it will take twelve minutes
Would yan like a baby? Our charge
isreasunable, sir, and ten per cent dis
count to clergyman. viii you ordel
a son or deaghtera'
(No answer Nr. Fogy is on the
point Of swooning
You see the adaptation of this ma
chine is wonderful. One Of them vii
tnrn out one hundred full grown mer
in a day. It was ~ this process ",
manufactured the voters to carry tbs
Pennsylvania election for Mr. Buchanan
last fall. We bad several Of our ma
chimes in full bias night and day, be
tween The State and Presidential elec
! tions il that State. Mr.. Buchanan
paid for the sour krout and cotton t
i f.a{ o1r n,assIsi,es