The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-10-26
Miscellaneous Items.

II apples can be purchased for O
penny piece, how much would whole
one costl
- An incorrigible old bachelor won't
read the war news because so much is said
about the Infantry.
- Politeness is like an air cushion
there may be nothing solid in it, but il
eases jolts wonderfully.
About the only person we ever heard
of that wasn't spoiled by being lionized,
was Jew, named Daniel.
: An old Grecisn philosopher advises
all men to know themselves. That's ad-
yising a good many 10 form very low and
disreputable acquaintance.
-"Tm certain, wife, that am right
and you are wrong; I'll bet my ears on
it." " Indeed, husband, you should not
carry betting to such extreme lengths"
- Kircher speaks of stone bridges in
China three and four miles long, and of
an arch of the incredible span Of six hun
dred feet.
= A person, speaking Of drink he
once had occasion to indulge in, says he
could not tell whether it was brandy or
torch-light procession that was going down
his throat.
= During an examination, medical
student being asked the question "when
does modification ensue 7" replied, -
"When you pop the question, and are au-
swered Mo-"
- In youth hearts are trumps; in
manhood, diamonds and clubs, according
TO circumstances; but, after all, spades
are sure to win when the game of life
closes.
- An exchange says it is dangerous
to sit with a sewing machine near win
dow when there is a thunderstorm. 1t is
dangerous to sit near some sewing ma
chimes when there is no thunderstorm.
- There are nine hundred and ninety
two rivers in the United States; their
whole length added together, is eighty
nine thousand and eighty-nine miles.
Their average length is eighty-ninc miles
and fraction.
-" Don't you think" said vain fel-
low, " that | am fit to be King of Great
BritSip @ OS g. E5%psS5SgF Of see tAse FTGDDs54 Of
Venice, if the title were only cur-tailed
of letter."
Tho editor of the Sandusky Patriot
has been presented with fine shirt col
lar. He is waiting for some one to give
him Shirt so he can put the collar to
some use. At present it is perfect sur
perfuity to him.
I'll say, Landlord, you have done
me too much honor-you let me sleep
among the "big-bugs" last night. -
"Oh. don't be too modest, my dear lodg-
er. doubt not they have some Of your
own blood in their veins"
-" Charles" said young lady, the
other morning to her beau, what is the
cause of the market-house bell ringing so ?"
"Well," said the beau, solemnly, "if l
was to express an opinion, should give
it as my deliberate conviction that some
body was pulling the rope"
A pretty girl attended ball out
West, recently, decked off in short dress
and pants. The other ladies were shock
ed. She quietly remarked that if they
would pull up their dresses about their
necks as they ought to be, their skirts
would be about foot shorter than hers.
"A celebrated portrait painter met a
lady in the street. who hailed him with,
Ah, sir have just seen your portrait,
and kissed it because it was so much like
YOU" "And did it kiss you in return ?"
"Why, no." "Thcn,' said he, sit was
not like me-"
- Every young man should remember
that the world always honors industry
The vulgar and useless idler, whose en-
ergies of body and mind are rusting for
want of occupation, may look with scorn
upon the laborer engaged at his toll; but
his scorn is praise, his contempt honor.
= Several nice young gentlemen went
to the residence of young damsel few
evenings since to give her serenade.-
After some time, the servant stepped out,
and walking up to the harpist, exclaimed,
any friend, the folks are all a-bed; you
can't get a cent here tonight !"
- The Augusta (Ga.) Dispatch re-
lates that, as a negro boy was standing
under the scaffold of house in course of
erection, three bricks cemented together
with mortar foil distance of about twen-
ty-fve feet, striking Cuffy on the top of
the bead. The boy was not injured, but
the bricks were broken into pieces!
= At Portsmouth, Ohio, a short time
since, young lady was bitten by dog.
Hydrophobia manifested itself on her,
and while confined by the disease she bit
her sister, who was waiting on her. The
sister was soon attacked by the same dis
ease, and bit the mother. All three were
alive at last accounts, but were all raving
mad, and thcrc was no prospect Of their