The Lambertville press., 1859-03-31

| cOWplaluIS anu IcdSOuS lOi revenge were III SuU-
stance something like the following, which the
old Chief in very elaborate and lengthy address,
portrayed to bis wise and attentive listeners:
Whereas their rights and privileges as the
true and faithful adherents of oflustrious travelling
Paupers, and the noble descendants of departed,
cleanly habits intemperance and indiscretion,
has been trampled under foot with many of their
esteemed fraternity and since their nightly reves
are unceremoniously broken in upon by our City
Fathers, who they say, and think with much
truth, have no legitimate right to the Pauper'S
Roost, or their society," they have determined to
take the following revenge
At this point of affairs, an old, beef eaten
Vampire arose, and asked permission to offer
proposition which was to this effect that depu-
tation from their honorable body should wait
upon the members of our council, to see if mat
ters could not be amicably settled, by US erecting
a suitable and creditable building for our City
Fathers, and leave the Pauper's Roost to its
rightful owners, the Paupers and Vampires.
But this was instantly voted down and the fol-
lowing resolutions were adopted: When next
our council should convene, they, (the Vampires)
would secretly retire from the building, and di-
vide into companies of one thousand each, and
occupy the different positions previously agreed
upon then at signal given by their chief, they
are to raise this shanty of all works from its
foundation, and place it upon their numerous
backs, then to march forward, with an almost
imperceptable movement, (Which power they
wonderfully possess towards the banks Of the
Delaware, then by the aid of strong rope Sc
curely fastened, drag and swim with it Gas many
taking hold of the rope as possible, and the rest
pushing behind into the middle of the stream
and there abandon it, and the unfortunate oc-
cupants, to the mercy Of the waves, to be cast on
some desolate Island, far away from friends and
home perhaps, where grass refuses to grow and
nought but ring tail monkeys reside, or to be-
come food for the rising generation of shad
This Mr. Editor is all know of the affair,
but hope it is enough to enable us to take such
avert one of the greatest calamities which pos
sibly could surround us. To my mind there
seems but one way Of escape, Except calling out
the Fencibles,) whereby we may prevent the ef-
fusion of blood. It is, that henceforth our coun-
Gil hold their meetings in the more spacious and
appropriate temple, the Post Office Yet it is
to be deeply regretted that these two noble spec
linens of architecture of the nineteenth century,
should be longer subject to the wear and tear of
public service Their proper place would be the
Museum, where they could be preserved and
viewed by future generations as great national
curositles
And was it not for the attractions our town
would lose for visitors, by the removal of these
two edifices, for one would say, even though
they should fall in the hands of the indomitable
Barnum, let them go. In conclusion / would
ask, what is the duty to be performed by every
good citizen in the above case think, first
to arm himself to the very teeth, then cry with a
loud voice, Come forth my honest sword, and
here | VOW by Maiden's smile, never more shalt
thou be sheathed till thou hast given me glori-
GUS revenge, or carved out in some suitable loca-
tion, foundation where on to lay the corner
stone Of a creditable building wherein our Mayor
and common council may hold their meetings, un-
disturbed by the sleeping language (snoring) Of
the Pauper, or the uncleanly glances of the de-
'testible Vampire.
But above all do not forget to surround the
Pauper's Roost when next our wortbys meet,
and should you see any signs or movement of
the building, rush on to the rescue, and prove
yourselves worthy the illustrious name you bear,
Sons Of Bungtocn.