The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-03-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

4
= The reason why some people put on
ans, is because they have nothing else TO
put on.
There is only Que bad wife in the
world, aud every cristy husband thinks
that she Is fallen to his bot.
A rash young man has threatened
to apply the Maine liquor law TO his
sweetheart, shc intoxioatcs him so.
- The woman who held her tongue
for fifteen minutes, has been sent 10 the
Lunatic Asylum.
A good many flying rumors Of tho
day would be more appropriately desigua-
ted by taking oil the f.
SHOWER OF BERRIEs.-The wife Of
Mr. Berry, # Portsmouth, Va, recently
presented her husband with three fine ba-
bies---two boys and a girl
- The mcanest Of all mean things is
the man who ISLANDERS under mask Of
piciy.
A horse dealer, describing used
up horse said he looked "as if he had
been editing daily newspaper
49, Small Newsboy TO Horrifed Dandy
wont YOU scratch my cad Mister;
my 'ands is 50 cold can'tf'
A Duichman's heart rending solilo-
guy is described thus: "She loles Shon
Kicklc so much posscr as !, because he's
cot koople tollcrs more as has r
A young carpenter having been
told that "the course Of true love never
did run smooth" took his plane under
his arm when he went courting.
A wag says he don't care .fg
whether they get any currents through
tho Atlantic cable or not, but he would
like few fresh dates.
-" jeff. why am YOU like the Cedarl'
i guys it up, Sam; cant tell YOU"
Case YOU stays green both summer
and winter
--- FasLionAblc women are articles
manufactured by millines:
They want but little here below,
And want that little for show.
Kissing pretty girl ''down South"
n young gentleman asked her "what made
her 50 sweet T. "Oh,' she replied, in ut
ter innocence, amy father is n sugar plan
ter"
- An exchange paper says that the
most dignifed, glorious, and lovely work
Of nature Is woman; tho next, man; and
thirdly, the Berkshire pig.
-" Why in tho world do you plant
boiled potatoes, Mr.. O'Flaherty"
"Shurc, yer honor, I'm goin' To try
the ixpirimint Of raisin' them already
billed for my own attn"
-" Miss Brown, have been TO learn
how TO tell fortunes" said young man
to n brisk brunette. Just give mo
your hand, if you please"
In, Mr.. White, how sudden you are!
Well, 50 ask pa"
- II is said 10 bo dangerous 10 be
working with a sewing machine, near a
window when there IS thunder Storm
II Is dangerous TO sit near some sewing
machines " hen there is no thunder storm.
-" What is the meaning Of backbi-
teri" said reverend gentleman during
an examination ut parochial school
This was a puzZler IL went down the
class till il came 10 simple urchin, who
said, "Perhaps it be flea"
-" Pompey, what am dat goes when
de wagon goes, stops when dc wagon
stops, II am no use 70 de wagon, and yet
de wagon cant 60 without itr'
IL CUBS cat up, Glenn"
"Why, de noise, of course, you stupid
black nigga"
-" Ladies and gentlemen said n
Snowman "here YOU have n magnificent
painting Of "Daniel in the lions den."-
Daniel can easily be distinguished from
the lions by the green cotton umbrella
under bis arm.
"Wbat are YOU doingl" quoricd
a gentleman 70 n dilapidated urchin, who
was circulating through crowd Of poll
ticians, holding out his hand. Nothin'
only tryin' to take the sense Of the meet
ing
A dandy who had "spendid" mus
tache, being asked at party TO favor the
ladies with song, replied that he "real-
ly--aw-couldn't rocollect the tune" a
beauty who was near exclaimed, 'Oh'
- -. -. s1..t l.. - -. tha hairl AMI