The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1859-12-06
GOING OUT WEST.

about going west
The first question comes from Cambridgeport
Mass, and reads follows:
(Which is the best time for going out West
Spring or Autumn"
The best time for going out West, is when you
have got the most money about you, and the least
fear of losing it. If you come in the spring, you
are sure to shake yourself to death with the ague
before fall. If you come in the fall you may live
till spring. if you don't freeze to death before you
get there. If you come at ALL you had better get
your stomach lined with waterproof cement, so as
to digest corn-bread bacon and whskey; for that is
all We have 10 eat except few French hogs and
bilious looking tadpoles, which We catch when the
river down.
I'd. "What part of the West is the best to
emigrate to, taking in consideration the heathiness
of the climate!"
A variety of opinions about that, my dear fellow.
Our Senator Mr. Douglas, says that Nebraska is
best So it is, if you into the stock business,
raising an unruly kind of mixed colored cattle,
that will stray off to Canada in spite of the Com
promise of 1850 or 1856, or of Senator Douglas.
If you want to speculate in papooses, white scaps,
and get your own scalp taken off scientifically, go
to Nebraska by all means. If yon can play poker
for living, live on corn bread and bacon week
days, and slippery elm bark on Sundays, come to
Illinois. If you want to 90 where they have no
Sundays, nor anything to cat, only what they
brought from the East 90 to Iowa; or if yon want
to 60 to grass on all fours, or do other kind of
cattle do, go to Salt Lake.
If you want to 90 where they receive the mails
annually, where they live on wild cranberres
crumbed in water from the Mississippi river,
where three wigwams make city, and paper of
pins and bar of Yankee SOAP merchant, go to
Minnesota.
Sd. "Does the fever and ague prevail much in
Wisconsin,"
OF course it does. Nobody out west is fool
enough to ask such question. Everybody shakes;
even the trees shake; you can't coax crab apple
to stay on when it is good for anything; it will
shake q man out of bed, and kick him out
of doors.
4th. allow does presumption hold good?"
That depends on circumstances Ifyou have a
good rife, and know how to use it, you have
chance in ten to live till you starve to death But
if you can't stand fire, and are not good shot
and a quick one, take my word for it, you had
better tarry in Jericho until your beard be grown
they are all too shy for you in these woods.
5th. us land to be had in the North part of
Ohio for 81 25 per acre and is it good:"
That's all fudge got up by spectators to gull
some greeuhOrn like you me, for, to the best
of my knowledge and belief, Ohio was worn out
ten years ago. The whole business ofthe railroads
in warm weather is to carry back folks who have
Dcen " eSG All the TdllTOduS nave Dceli uOll4
this winter is carrying dirt out of Ohio into
Michigan to raise few beans and oats to keep
the folks from starving to death next summer.
As to the land in the Northwest of Ohio, it is
Is inches under water most of the year, and will
probably be worth 81 % per acre, when water
snakes and copper heads bring as much per barrel
in the New York market potatoes are worth per
bushelin Alton.
And lastly, he wants reliable international
short article in your paper the subject-and
he wants to geta healthy location, decent land
and fair water.
Exactly! Why, my dear sir there is no such
thing reliable information out West, unless you
give him FIVE hundred dollars, and then you can't
believe half he says.
A witness won't tell the truth in court unless
you first scare him to death, and make him swear
he won't lie, and then neither himself nor nobody
else knows whether he tells the truth or not
As for fair water, We have none; it is all bilious
compound of liquid mud, dead bufaloes, fish and
rotten rattle-snakes
Our common drink, when can't get whiskey,
is one-third coffee, onethird prairie mud, and the
other third tobacco juice.
Upon the whole, if you have good water, and
can get enough to eat, stay where you are ester
Paper.