Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-04-15

l have always meant to marry
when it suited me. | don't care to tie |
myself down to the care Of 4 family
before I say something Of the world,
and little pleasure. | think l have (
seen some Of both. The fact is, I've |
tried them all, until they are an old !
song, and tire me to repeat them.
But what q ridiculous speech that WAS
of AL Smiths, when he was worrying
over that stupid boy of his, trying to
teach him his lessons: ''That it was
necessary to have some trouble, in or
der really to feel enjoyment.'' The
very idea Of trouble is bore. No
care for me. Oh, no. Freedom and
happiness. Butt don't believe in hap
piness. If any one in the world ought
to be happy, l should; wealth, talents,
no care, hosts of friends, more atten-
tioa than l can accept. Yet nothing
really pleases me. | am afraid Of my
health-it is not as good as formerly.
This sinking, strange feeling OF gloom
this dissatisfaction with myselt and
everything around me, sure must be i'll
health. I'll see Dr.. p about it.
Oh, I hope l may never be sick
again! What a time | had last win
ter with that rheumatism. What abom
Unable things those kind nurses are.
Just to think of that old woman going
off because | was little fretful, and
vented my feelings in q few expletiyes.
And when the other came, low | had
to bite my lips for fear OF saying any
thing, when l felt like she was pulling
my arms of in moving me, for fear she
would leave me too. And then the
bore Of smelling her snuff, and knowing
she had tasted all the jelly and things
she handed ne.
True had plenty Of fellows to visit
me. Bah how loud they talked, an |
how pointless the jokes they told to
keep up my spirits ;" and their quiz
zing, how lntolerable | could have
kicked every one Of them out, if lone
illness had not been still more intolcra-
bic. No one to read to me, or talk in
that low, quiet tone that is soothing to
the invalid's ear. Tones like-oh, no;
it will never do to think of that, or
talk Of it either. How | must be shak-
en-, when things that happened so long
ago can make me feel SO disagrceably.
I wonder if getting married would
make me more comfortable? know l
can get any girl l choose to ask :; and
siree Al Smith had the typhoid fever,
and his wife nursed him so we through
it, l believe l have seriously entertained
the idea sacrificiug my liberty for
the probable benefits that might accrue
Strange, though I don't like tn It
Mrs. Smith, l do love to 80 there. 1t
seems there is such an air Of comfort
and cheerfulness about their home.
She talks well, and has read some of
my fayorite authors, and tits so seldom
l meet a lady that has /; but when I call
to while away morning, she invaria-
bly, sends ne word she is engaged. l
envy Smith his pleasant home, but
never would have married her, as she
was not at all .fashionable girl.
l think it is almost time for me to
be looking around for wife, though
there is no occasion for hurry. Let me
sec-with my fortune must have a
handsome establishment, and Of course
handsome wife. There is Julia How
ard, the belle of the city dashing and
snowy. can get her for the asking.
She has my tastes, but is too fond
Of dancing, and would always have a
crowd around her; l am afraid she
would be very little at home. 1 am
not fond Of parties now-tLey are so
tiresome. There's half-a- dozen like
her would jump at an offer from me.
Strange that should be thinking so
much lately Of that quiet little Kate
Halsey. No matter who else think
Of, it is always to contrast them with
her. She certainly has mind, beauty,
and nerve, too. She has been in my
mind ever since her fathers death.
He sent for me when he was taken ILL.,,
and | found him in commissions she
looked frightened; but she staid with
him; and when he came to his senses
his first word was ''Kate.'' Her low
reply, II am here, father" sent such
thrill through me, that l tremble
strangely whenever l think Of it.
l thought her cold and insensible, but
when he died in her arms, and | heard
the wild cry that burst from her lips,
and saw her sink dead, as l thought
on his pillow, l knew it was not So,
And then she is SO highly esteemed,
and besides has a neat fortune; as her
fathers executor, | know all about it,
and for the same reason see her very
often lately. True, she is very reserv-
ed, but think she sees l am blessed
with her, and is so to tease mel know
these women. What makes me so
nervous? This dressing. l certainly
have taken some pains, and look pref
ty well. Why, don't look a day old
er than twenty five, though I went to
college with Katc's father. But then,
he was some years older than myself,
though we graduated together. l think
shall ride-by the time | get there |
will be composed. Hang me, if ever
was so auttered in my life. 1t is but
thinking Of the expression Of Kate's
eyes-they are so much like Lille Law
toms. Lilies were blue and Hates
are brown, but there is the same look
in them hers had when spent those
delightful months in A.. We
walked, rode, and sang together-the
consanmnnna uas sha lornl ,,,n ~.