davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
The Irishman and His Bible.

The Irish are proverbial for their wit,
The following is a fine illustration of their
readiness to meet an opponent and ST.
lence him with his own weapons. An
honest milkman, a good Catholic, in the
county of Kerry, had obtained a copy of
the Bible. He found it great treasure
His priest learning the fact made a visit
to his p%arishioner, and on reaching the
milkman's humble cabin, thus addressed
him
"Why, my good fellow, I am informed
that you are in the habit of reading the
Bible. Is my information correct?"
"Sure, it is true, phase your riyerancer
and a 6ne book it is too"
but you know" said the priest, that
it is very wrong for an ignorant man
like you to read the Scriptures"
a." All y replied Pat, =" bnt you must be
after pIoyin' that same before | consent
to leave off"
"That l will do from the book itself.
Now turn to 1 Peter, 2 :2-"A As new
born babes, desire the sincere milk Of the
word, that ye may grow thereby" Now,
you are only a babe, and are therefore
wrong to read the Scriptures yourself
You are here told to desire the sincere
milk Of the word and one who under
stands what the sincere milk is must
give it you and tend you"
Pat listened attentively to the priests
authoritative address, but no way at a
loss, replied
BE aisy, yeur reverence, while l tell
you. A little time ago, when I was took
i'll, | got a man to milk the cows, and
what do you think he did Why, in
stead of giving me the rale milk. cheated
me by putting wather IN it and if you
take my Bible, perhaps you might be af
Their servin' me that same. No, no, I'll
kape my cow and milk her myself, and
then | shall get the sincere milk. and not,
as | might from you, mixed with water"
The Priest, thus finding himself de-
feated, and very DESTROYS that the mis-.
chief should not spread any farther, said
in a coneiliatory tone:
"Well, Pat, l see that you are a little
wiser than I thought and as you are
not quite a babe, yon may keep your
Bible, but don't lend it or read it to your
neighbors."
Pat, cycling his admonitor very CUR
ningly and seriously replied:
"Sure enough, your reverence, while I
have a COW and can give a little milk to
my poor ~neighbors who have none, it is
my duty to do so. as a Christian and
saving your reverence, l will"
The priest concluding that the honest
milkman was rather a rough customer.
for a baby, gave up the argument and
walked off ashamed.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

rs King James Of England, on one
occasion, vert out of his way to hear a
noted preacher. The Clergyman, seeing
the King enter, departed from the train
of his discourse, and forcibly portrayed
the sin Of profane swearing, for which
James was notorious. When he had con.
cluded, the monarch thanked him for his
sermon, but asked what connection there
was between swearing and his text p
The minister Immediately answered
"Since your Majeysty deigned to come
out of your, way to meet me, I could
hardly do less than go out Of my way to
meet you."
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

WE'LL MARRY THIS FALL gave hel
a rose and gave her a ring, and I asked
her to marry me then but she sent them
all back, insensible thing, and said she'd
no notion of men. | told her I'd oceans
of money and goods, tried to brighten her
by a growl but she answered she wasn't
brought up in the woods, to be scared by
the screach of an owl. | called her a
beggar, and everything bad I lighted
her features and form /; till at length ]
succeeded in getting her mad, and she
ragged like a sea in a storm. And then
in a moment l turned and smiled, and
called her my angel and all (; she fell in
my arms like a wearisome child, and ex-
claimed, Wen marry this fall
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
Whiskars.

The editress of the Lancaster Literary
Gazette says she would as soon nestle
her nose in a rats nest of swingle tow, as
allow a man with wiskers to kiss her.
We don't believe a word of it'll The
objections which some ladies pretend to
have to whiskers all arise from envy
They don't have any. They would if
they could. but the fact is, the continual
motion Of the LAWYER jaw is fatal to their
growth. The ladies God bless them y
adopt our fashions as they can. Look at
the depredations the dear creatures have
committed on our wardrobe during the
last few years. They have appropriated
our shirt bosoms, gold studs and all
They have encircled their soft, bewitch-
ing necks in our standing collars and
cravats-driying US men to fatties and
turn downs. Their innocent little hearts
have been palpitating in the inside of
our waistcoats, instead of humping
against the outside, as naturally iutend-
ed.
They have thrust their pretty feet and
ankles through our unmentionables--
hinkaboutables-i
short, as Micawbet would say breaches
And they are skipping along the street
in our highheeled boots, Do you hear
Gentlemen? we say boots
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
NOTES.

Loqan,-A small, but beautiful. pastoral stream in
AYRSHIRE. Scotland flowing into the river Ayr.
Sinsgne.-Sometime since.
Hae.-Eave
Siqnmer-Summsr.
Drumlie-Foggy, misty, rtley.-
Mann Must.
Faes.-Foes.
Frae-From.
Braes.-Gently sloping hills, little hillocks.
O-Of.
A-Al.
AmGng-Among.
Faithfu'-Faithful.
Wr.-With.
Nde-No.
Wde-Wo.
Mony-Many.
Sae-So.
Hame.-Home.
To realize the Incompatible beauty and
pathos of the song, imagine a young and
lovely bride, in her loneliness and desc
~lation, with sweet, little children, looking
up to her for support and comfort. Her
youthful and manly husband is torn from
his home, and all he holds dear, and com.
PEELED in some far distant land to bear
arms in support Of royalty. The prince
Of Scottish poets has thrown her whole
soul and the Utmost feelings of her pure
and loving heart, into the song. How
exquisitely, too, and in how small a com
pass, hath he interviewer the choicest i'm.
ages. Of Nature-the sweetly gliding river
the fowery banks and beautiful hills
the birds-the bees-the breathing flow.
ers'-all the charms of smiling May diff.
fused over the hills and vallies-all in
sufficient to gladden. her heart and then,
how natural the transition to the " milk
white hawthorn, where the gentle little
thrush is cherishing her nestlings; and
she compares her own lonely and sorrow
ing condition, to the happiness of that
little feathered mother, whose faithful
mate shares her toll, and beguiles her
cares with his song And then. she
thinks, with grief, and honest indigna-
ton upon those, whose "finty hearts
caused the separation those men of
state" upon whose heads she invokes no
blessing, but the woe, and sorrow, and
distress, which they brought upon her
and her fellow-sufferers. The whole pic
ture is so true to Nature, SO perfect, so
heart touching, that the best and most
impartial critic can scarcely do it justice.
For myself can only say, that l have
read it we a thousand times, with new
relish, and would be glad to read it a
thousand times more. H. WARD.
LITcHFIELD, May 8, 1859.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
The BRIDES Prayer.

Lowly the young bride knelt in prayer. One hour,
One brief and blissful hour-upon her brow
Tie orange flowers had rested and a voice
Law, rich. and h wv intensely dear, in tones
Of deep, unutterab'e tenderness,
Had called ler by the sacred name, MY wife p
A time she fingered mid the pleasant guests,
Who filled to overlooking the wide halls
And princely parlors of her fathers home.
She stood amid her crowd of loving friends,
Surrounded by her fair young bridal train,
With one small hand, light as a pure snow flake,
Upon her husbands arm. A sparkling ring,
The sacred signet of her weddded love,
Cleaned on her finger like a small, bright star.
But the rich music, and the laughter light,
And glare of many lamps, and dancing gay,
Oppressed the spell-bound heart of the young bride
o! what had she to do with laughter light,
And music and gay mirth? The solemn prayer
Of him who had pronounced in tones so deep
Her bridal benediction, on her ear -
Still fingered. So she stole away and went
TO the familiar room where all the hours
OF solitude her heart had ever known
Had all been passed. A smiling glance
She on her husband turned, as his dear hand.
unseen, Il SiiSuL uetdibInp movement maze,
As if 'twere pain that she should quit his side
The briefest while.
The bride alone with God Lowly she knelt
And lifted her meek brow, white as the wreath
Which rested on it closed her violet eyes,
And the long lashes rested DER a cheek
As roseate as the oceans purest shell.
o far too beautiful for aught of earth,
Looked that young creature in her snowy roles,
Which threw Their silken forlds around her form,
Exquisite in its statue like repose.
The long white veil swept round her like a mist,
And from her marble brow the golden curls
Fell richly back, confined by limpid pearls;
And o'cr her heart her small fair hands were
clasp'd-
That warm, true, loving heart, whose every throb
Was one Of dcathless love md constancy
0! the wrapt beauty of that angel brow,
Sublime with trusting faith! The coral lips
Parted, and tones of silvery melody
Whispered thrillingiy the words, MY husband y
A light breeze lifted her pale, golden curls-
Twas the quick hutter of an angels wings
A " ministering spirit" fingered near
The fair young bride, and waited her pure prayer
Fresh from her lips, up through the emerald gates
And pearly portals of the heavenly world;
And at the footsteps of the Great White Throne
Yelled his bright wings, and told it meekly there.
Twas answered. When amid her bridal guests
The young wife moved again, a tranquil light
Shone in her azure eyes, and her young lord
Read on her snowy brow a holy joy;
But never dreamed it was the breath of PRAYER
Prayer deep and fervent, for has sake poured out,
Leaving its blessed answer on her face.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
Sleeping after Dinner.

This habit, which is becoming SO very
popular in this country and particularly
SO with young persons, is an exceeding.
ly pernicious one. In our climate, the
stomach does not perform its functions
during sleep, except with slowness and
difficulty SO if it be heavily loaded, it
remains in a semi,torpid condition, until
the siesta is finished. The result of such
daily torpidity is indigestion, or some
ore of the thousand different forms as.
sumed by the hydra, dyspepsia. In hot
countries the action Of the digestive or
gans is much easier than here, and sleep,
unless very sound, impedes the stom-
ach,s functions but very slightly, if at all.
The siesta is therefore. a natural and
proper thing for the tropics, although to.
tally inappropriate in the United States.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
0ur Stray 8ook
For the Monmouth Weekly Herald.
LOGAN WATER.

Mr.. EDITOR Il have read with arden
enthusiasm the sweetest p~astorals of th
ancient poets, and of the modern but
or inimitable beauty, simplicity, and ten
l%erness, | must say, that | never foun'
one, quite equal to the following, b.
Burns -
O Logan, sweetly didst thou glide
That day was my Willie's bride;
And years sinsyne hae Ger us run,
Like Logan to the simmer sun.
But now thy fow'ry banl $ appear
Like drumlie winter, dark and drear,
While my dear lad maun face his faes,
Far, far frae me and Logan braes.
Again the the merry month O. May
Has made our hills and vallies gay;
The birds rejoice in leafy bowers,
The bees hum round the breathing flowers
Blithe morning lifts his rosy eye,
And evenings tears are tears EFF joy;
My soul delightless a. surveys,
While Willic's far frae Logan braes.
Within yon milk hawthorn bush,
Amang her nestlings, sits the thrush
Her faithful mate will share her toll,
Or wi his song her cares beguile:
But / wi my sweet nurselings here,
Nae mate to help, nae mate to cheer,
Pass widow'd nights and joyless days,
While Wiilie's far frae Logan braes.
0 wac upon you, men O. state,
That brethren rose to deadly hatel
As ye make many a fond heart mourn,
Say may it on your heads returni
How can your finty hearts enjoy
The widows tears, the orphans cry
But soon may peace bring happy days,
And Willie, hame, to Logan braes!
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
Pixies Peak.

The verhal rains we're falling fast,
As through a little village passed
A youth, who bore a hickory pole.
And oxen under his control:
Pixies Peak!
His brow was glad-his eyes were bright,
Nor to the left, nor to the right
He turned, but onward kept his steady course
Pixies Peak!
He left his happy home by night,
And toward the west he took his fight,
Above the moon in beauty shone,
And from his lips escaped a groan,
Pixies Peak!
"Yonid better stay" some old man said,
you'll surely lose your wits or head
The stormy p%rairie's long and wide"
But loud that headstrong youth replied,
Pixies Peak
" Beware of swindlers, cheats and thieves,
Beware of those who would deceive"
This was the old mans last advice,
To whom the youthful said in a trice,
Pixies Peak
At length the barren plains he reached,
His bread most gone, his form well bleached
But still he groaned that fervent prayer,
Which did not go far through the air,
Pixies Peak
A traveller by the Platte was found.
Flat as a pancake on the ground,
Still clinging to his hickory pole,
And on the ground could scarcely roll,
Pixies Peak
There by the diggias, cold and grey,
LiIeless and p~enbiless lay
And could he speak, would hear him say,
Humbug!
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

BgA The b.arders in a fashionable
house in Boston, were assembled one
stormy evening, when a lady remarked
that she loved a rainy day, and always
ayailcd herself of it to arrange her draw
ers. $50 do l." growled an old sea cap
tain. overhaul my drawers and shirts
too, sometimes, and SOW on a button or
string where it is wanted" Mademoi-
selle did not faint, but there was an an
~gry>rustle of silks as she swept out Of the
room.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
Franklyn Abetting an Elopement

The celebrated painter Benjamin West
before be became known to fame, fell in
love with Miss Elizabeth Shewell. West
was poor, the Shewell's were rich. Ste.
phen Shewell the proud brother of Eliz
abeth, desired her to marry another sui.
tor, Witch she refused to do. West was
forbidden the house, but Elizabeth con.
tinued to meet him, and they were en-
gagged to be married.
The obstinate brother kept his sister
under lock and key, till West sailed for
Europe to prosecute his studies. Miss
Shewell however, had promised to meet
in any part of Europe. and marry him as
soon as Mr.. w. informed her of his abil-
ity to maintain her.
The patronage which West met in
London soon justified him in sending for
Miss Shewell to fulfill her promise. He
made arrangements for her to come in
the same vessel that conveyed his request
to her, and also arranged that his faith
er should accompany her on her voyage.
Miss Shdwell prepared for her depar-
ture but her brothtr again confined her
to her chamber. In this state Of things,
the late Bishop White, then eighteen
years of age, Dr.. FRANKLIN fifty nine
years of age, and Francis Hopkins
twenty nine years of age, when the yes
sci was ready to sail as soon as they
brought a lady on board, took old Mr..
West to the ship, and went at midnight
to Stephen Shewell's house, attached a
ladder to a window in Miss Shewell's
chamber, got her out to the vessel, which
sailed a few minutes after she entered it.
Mr.. w. was in waiting for Miss Shewell
when she arrived in England, and they
were soon married, Sept. 2,,1705.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

pA Ben" said a bar room politi-
clan to his companion, did you know
I lhad declined the Office of Alder
man ?"
Was you elected'?'
cob, no."
"What then nominated 7"
"No, but I attended our party caucus
last evening, and took an active part ;
and when a nominating committee was
appointed and were making up their list
of candidates, l went up to them and
begged they would not nominate me for
Alderman, as it would be impossible for
me to attend to the duties"
"Pshaw, Jake what reply did they
make" =.
why. they said they hadn't thought
of such a thing"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

YOUNG MEN IN AMERIcA.-We donbt
whether any other country exhibits a
larger amount or proportion Of useless
talent, or misdirected energy than ours.
Our clever young men, in fearful supera.
bundance, addict themselves to law, to
physic, to commerce, mainly because these
seem the only pursuits which promise
wealth and distinction. There has been
no day Of the last forty years, in which
there were not four times as many try
ing to live by trade in the country, as
were needed in that occupation-twice
as many as could possibly succeed.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
stand Like an Anvil.
BY BISHOP DoANE.

+. Stand like an anvil!' when the strokes
Of stalwart strength fall fierce and fast
Storms but more deeply root the oaks,
Whose brawny arms embrace the blast.
Stand like an anvilr' when the sparks
Fly far and wide, a fiery shower;
Virtue and truth must still be marks
VIII re malice proves its want of power.
I" St md like an anvilr' when the bar
Lies red aud glowing on its breast;
Duty shall be life's leading star,
And conscious innocence its rest.
q Stand like an anvil !" when the sound
Of ponderous hammers pains the ear;
Thine but the still and stern rebound
Of the great heart that cannot fear.
"Stand like an anvil p noise and heat
Are born of earth and die with time ;
TIE soul, like God, its source and seat,
Is solemn, still, serene, sublime.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

WHErTING A RAzoR.-A young fop
who had just begun to shave for a beard,
stepped into a barbor shop, and after a
grand swagger desired to be shaved
The barber went through the usual move
ments and the sprig jumped up with q
flourish exclaiming:
"My foin fellow, what is your CHARGE"
ooh, no charge" replied the barber.
"No charge! How's that ?"
"Why I'm always thankful that l can
get a soft piece of calfskin to sharpen
my razor on"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

SUDDEN EMRGENcIEs.-Most men have
their minds pretty well made up as to
how they should act in a sudden emer-
gency of almost any kind. But such is
the %fallibility of poor human nature and
judgment-when the emergency arrives,
demanding prompt and efficient action,
not one mar in ten aver does what he
should have done!
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

AN ALPHABETICAL FAMILY.-of all the
alphabetical family the rs are the most
egotistical, the BIS the most busy, the Us
the most noisy, the Us the most chatter
ing, the LIS the most elongated, the P's
the most peaceful, the Q's the most puz'
zled, and the T's the most soothing.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
Springtime.

Again, thank God the woods grow greeni
Again the skies look blue,
And birds from out the bursting buds
Sip up the pearly dew.
The streams, with songs that sound like praise,
Are gurgling round the hills;
And bloom time aaunts her Joyous wings.
And earth with rapture thrills.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

ExAcTLY.-When you see q mar on a
moonlight night trying to convice his
shadow that it is improper to follow a
gentleman, you may take it for granted
that it is high time for him to join a tenn
perance society.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

psa= A fellow was invited to a party
one evening, where there was music,
both vocal and instrumental. On the
following morning he met n of the
guests who said !" Well, how did you
enjoy yourself last night were not the
quartettes excellentl' Well rally, Il
c~an'tsay," said he, for I deu't taste
them but the pork chops were the finest
I ever ate p.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12
nay- II is generally observed the ner.

DG% It is generally observed the per-.
sons of about forty years, especially
young ladies of that age are very forget
full of those with whom they we're &C
quainted in childhood. This remarka.
Bile dimness Of memory has been very ap.
propriately styled, The darkness Of the
middle ages"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

ODD Turn" Edmund, how is it that
the buttons are on the inside of your
shirt collar ?" "Idon't know-isn't that
the way mother ?" "No, my son, you
have disobeyed me, you have been in
swimming The satisfactorily explana-
ton, as he thought, soon occurred. With
a triumphant look and a bold voice, he;
exclaimed" Mother II guess / turn
ed it getting over the fence"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

HGg- An auther once wrote an article
in BIackaeood, signed ga. S." Tut"
said Jerrold, in reading the initials,
what a pity he will tell only two
thirds of the truth"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

na- A young lady who lately gave an
order to d m~illiner for a bonnet, said,
You are to make it plain, but at the
same time smart, as | sit in a conspicuous
place in church"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

n@- A brother editor tells US that
when he was in Jail for libelling a JUS
tice of the peace he was requested by the
.jailor to give the prison a puff.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

B- Never conide in a young man
new pals leak. Never tell your secrets
to the aged old doors seldom shut
closely.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-05-12

n- " Yours is a very hard case" said
the fox to the oyster.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1859-10-21

dlaon o. the packages when discharred nj t1is
port, gong 70 impair the proof Of the iibelant on
.nis mead; The barrels and tierces appear Il have
been wen made and with proper materiaI. I'M ~
have withstood the shipment without anv s,,hssa,
tai injury, with the exception that the ssaTns we're
opened, and hence the leakage. Rut tI,iz n a..
counted for by nearly all the Witnesses erneyeneed
in the shipment Of the article rs resultna from ia
effect Of tho hot weather. ia connect;or IN ~
tendency Of the melted lard to sI7inF ia 1890
and loosen the hoops. The proof =. 40 Ne
months of July and August were hot beyoSSl 49,
OF preceding years and that opening fhe hntehes
Of the vessel at this port, the heat IN he Hold Va
so excessive that person could remsfr m n II
II well settled that the shipper takes nh stten-
dant upon shipment of cargo of this ckaYacter
from the heat Of the weather. unless one NEGLECT On
fault can be charged upon the vessel contributfur
70 the loss az How, III, y and must say, after
very careful examination Of the evidence n nav
Judgment no such negligence or fault has been es-
affirmed. 80 !" ,-'''7s ~
The return from the Bank Of England for the
MeeK ending the 18th September, gives the follow
my results when compared with the previous week
t dse S espsss g ss ~ increase. xss4l
Rest sss IS I De- izs
On the other side Of the account--
Coy. secmf ie... Ell zpMa r.,s-.
Other secudties... iszss NJ sGnnlsnsnsed
Noses unemployed l01a6e60 Increase ~
!he amount of notes in circulstion !. ~ "a Iao
bemg an increase Of 1855 sS5 md fhe sfE ~ ~
non IN both departments Is i7511 1ia s5,. ~ =,
increase of f34S $50 when compared vitS NJ ~. J.
ceding return. 3 - ss.e Pre-