Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1859-01-01
rha Nan Yorl rrIhnne III ouaotarY.

tEhe N4" oth Tribune on 8uackofys
Long before the days Of Paracelsus on
happy Man, with his aches and his ans,
aud bis general most delightful heritage Of
physical woe. was made the SOro sport nnd
victim Of quack-salyes. Nor has the world
in this regard, very much improved since.
A great many people who would at once
detect any other quack, are thoroughly
humbugged by the qnack Of pill or of po.
tou. They give implicit credence TO the
gilbeeisb of every medical mouniehank,
and Ii makes bui little difference whether
he he fool who believes in his own mpdi-
cines or knnve who would not himself
take them without strenuous resistance -
The cause Of Bennett VS.. Beunett in the
courts in New iIaten, from which the com-
painant seeks divorce from her huShnnd
upon The ground of crlelty The respon-
deut is manufacturer Of pills, which are
calculated for he region Of the liver, hut
will answer for the adjoining parts. The
complainant, in order to show That the doe
Tor was notorious, conSnmmate and most
accomplished liar put IN a pamphlet put
out 10y him and il is TO the unparalleled
aud really sublime mendacity of this Pill
Pamphlet that we wish to call the atten.
tlon of Amateurs of Lying. In the course
of this wonderful work, DR. Bennett stated
to an invalid public, and especially to those
who wept their ehildlessness that he was,
Mt one time, without offspring, while the
languishing health of Mrs. Bennett forbade
him TO indulge in those pleasing hopes Of
paternity which would otherwise have gild-
ed his waking hours, aud filled his sleep
with rapturous dreams. But the doctor
was a man Of tremendous science. He in
vented pill of such power, force and vir-
tue that, after taking it, Mrs. Bennett, in
an incredibly short space of time, became
the mother of twelve blooming, healthy
and interesting Children Al the head of
this pleasing and almost Incredible nara
tive of fruitfulness, the Doctor placed wood
cut, in which he was represented with a
baby in his arms and Mrs. Bennett with
baby in her arms, while around were gath.
cred ten other children, making, the pret.
tiest work of art ever designed olluSt' ate
the virtues of apll Divested of romance
the solemn truth was that; so far from TAX
ing the Doctors medicine, the Doctors
vile, who knew too well what il was made
of, and who was in fact obliged to assist
in making it, would as soon have swallow
ed henbane.
Having used up his wife by thus restor-
ing her 10 health, the Doctor as he states
in the pamphlet, next tackled his father. -
He Sings this little medicinal idyl with
great uDction and pathos. He represents
the elder Bennett, aged 95, int woodeut.
reading the Bible. He then narrateS that
he said senior Bennett, "a nnnher OF
years ago was very sick" He was attend
ed by "eight celebrated doctors night and
| day." and therefore the wonder is that he
lived for twenty-four hours. The house
hold is in despair The dying man then
delivers a speech, in which he states that
although he had spent incredibly large
sums in making DR.. Bennett ,jr., a doctor
yet that the vagrant practitioner was nov
in foreign lands, acquiring hx personal oh
servation. knowledge of Indian Vegpta
bic Remedies "Tel him, when he arrives,
said the dying old Bennett, "ihat / leav,
to his molher the sum of 81 200. 600, anG
to himself the sum of $4,000, 600. together
! with all my vessels" lie here was iaker
with ShortneSs of breath the. Eeighbor,
were sent for, and praying was commenced
when suddenly, "a rumbing was heard il
the street" Twas the youthful Bennett
NJ. ID. "A rumbling noise was heard il
the distance, like a mighty chariot, wind
ing its way with great speed ne4rer and
nearer, achen ali at oRce" beautiful Goa cI
stood before the door. out of which ulight.
ed noble and elegant looking man This
was young Doctor Bennett. He kissed
his mamnin, and she tainted He rushed
TO the bedside of his dying papa lie
FASTENED back TO his coach, which wa,
freighted with plants and roots, sncb as arl
always used hy the red men of the foreS
when they feel nnwsll. Young Benhel
give old Bennett root, aud an herb. Ok
Bennett began to feel better in just tive
hours. He kept up the doses. He KEEP
the system regular. And the result wa
thai the aheitDt person entirely recovered
and lived to be ninety five, and the grand
father of young Doctor Bennett's lively
children
The mystery to lbs is that snch ineredi
bic nonsense as Il is should impose upoi
anybndy--even upon poor people, who's
u'O ON ny hlNOhHO.-
That people are tins daily cheated, we ar
sorry 10 believe. But it is not often thl
We have the chance Of exposing Snch eru'
knavely and it is chance which We hay
to the best of our ability improved
G JUMPING A Town SITE The Superi'
: Chronicle of November 80, says that thel
( has been quite an exodus the past week
persons making claims to lots in SuperiC
City.
D Almost every other man has an AK {
his shOulder-and some women. EXte
sve fencing, clearing, and burning are &
: ing on, aud if no other result is produce
tue appearance Of the town site will
considerably improved. The impression
that all whO'occnpy lots prior to the entI
at the Land Office, will be entitled to the
from the hands Of the trustee, or trustees
: Some psodestly content themselves with
single lot. while Others go R for nothiT
J less than block"
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