Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-12-09
Eunny3raplas.

a>rAn transient advertisements must be pal
fori advance.
Funnygraphs. .--
1.-THE man who "wedded an opinion,
found himself welded to ons-eyed dea
Zone idea.) '4e =
aEThere is good logic in the French
mans reply to his tenant, who complal me-
that he was too poor to pay his rsnt. Sal'
johnny Orapeau "By gar, ven man to-
poar to pay his rent he ought to own h'n
. house ~
TA Maine editor says that pumPk
in that State rev so large that eight mel
could stand around it. 91~ ,..s. 3
This is like tho fellow who saw flock o
pigeons so low that he could shake ssicl
1T them.
Nor,or FOR GENERAL UsI.-Tbe follow
ing notice should be posted conspicuous!y II
business places ssShut this door, and a
soon IS you have done talking on business
serve your mouth the same way" Borei
should paste this in their hats.
~ A fellow coming out of tavern one
frosty morning, rather top heavy, tsll on
the doorstep trying to regain hls toonng
he remarked-H it be that the wicked stand
on slippery ground, must belong to
different class, tor it 10 more than l can do
FA dun was somewhat taken aback
the other day by the GOODNESS with which
debtor said: ae ~
"Call next Thursday, my dear sir, exact
ly at 10 O'Clock, and I'll tell you when you
can call again." ..-....
EA man who had made . fortune BY
industry and close economy, in q retail busl.
ness, ct length retired from trade, and used
to loan money on interest. One day, IN
midsummer, q friend happened to say to
him, chow pleasant it is to have such long
bright days' ''Why. y-e-s," replied he,
'sbut these long days the interest comes IN
slow !" .,a-l
wAn old footman having read Lindley
Murray was Afterwards very precise in his
announcements when ushering in his visit
ors. On one occasion a gentleman by the
name of Foot, with a daughter on each arm,
was shown into the drawing-room, with
this introduction "Ar. Foot and the two
Misses Feet" de- --a.--rs.5
QUESTIONS FOE DEBArE.-Gf the traveller
who took the course of human events has
ever been heard of SINCE
If the hollow of log can be heard
If IL inches make foot how many will
make leg?
Do potatoes ever wear out, as we often
hear of potato patches
If pig-pens will write
Will the Cape Of Good Hope lt fashion
able lady? $500,
~A preacher in the far South, during
. prayer preliminary to discourse, while
full OF fervent, fiery zeal, used the follow
ing very pathetic expression
20, Lord, God Of Heaven and earth, we
pray thee, in thy might, b cur-tail the
DEVILS power in this place J"
An old negro, who was always ready for
q response, leaped upon his feet, and sx-
claimed: -,
s.Amen dat right, Lord cut him tail
smack smoose off"
E "Mrs. Partington,> have you heard
of Blondin, the rope walker T.
s'No, what of him 2" she eagerly replied.
ssHe crossed the Niagara river on rope"
1.-THE old lady was struck with sstonish-
ment. her knitting fell from her hands ae
she exclaimed s'impossible !"
''It 10 NC longer impossible, ;" said Rodger,
ssfor he has done it three times on wager.
"Well," answered the old lady, ''he may
have done it on wager, but he never csuid
have done it on q rope In Gods worldl'
aT aMy DEAR" said an anxious father to
his bashful daughter, II intend that you
shall be married, but do not intend that
you shall throw yourself away on any wild
worthless boy of the present day. 1ou
must marry man OF sober and mature age
-one that can charm You with wisdom and
good advice rather than personal attraction.
What do you think of fine, intelligent and
mature husband of about fifty?"
The timid, meek, biue-eyed little daugh-
ter looked in the old mans face, and with
the slightest possible touch of interest In
her voice. answered, 81 think two of twenty
Eve would be much better, pa"
Very SELECT CoxpANY.-We have fre-
ouently heard of the advantages Of keeping
q pig spoken Of, but the slang terms of
expression were hardly SO convincing as
the argument which came to our ears a few
days since, while passing through one OF
the bye ways of Lowell, inhabited chiefly
by the sens and daughters of the Emerald
Isle A new stye had been built for the
comfort and convenience of shoat, the
property Of Bridget Mulrooney, and Bridget's
neighbor, Ellen Flaherty, had been called
in to inspect the premises, during the prog
ress Of which We happened to be passing.
.sAn Elegant stye, )" said Ellen enthusiastic.
cally. aand the fine shoat-sohat company
Ae'll BE- for ys ohile Patrick is away.''
Cous1s1Ne.-A country gentleman visited
the city, and Immediately repaired to the
house of relative, lady who had married
Tha nj lod IN
him. and invited him to make their house
his home, Gas he had declared his intention
of remaining in the city but day or two.)
The husband, anxious to show attention to a
relative and friend Of his wife, took the gen.
tleman's horse to livery stable in the
neiQhborhoed. Having staid eleven days,
instead Of two, the country gentleman went
to the stable and ordered his horse to be got
ready. The bill was of course presented.
cob" said the gentleman, 'sMr. -, my
relative, will pay this"
every good, Sir" said the stable keeper
splease TO get an order from Mr.. -:i it
will be the same as the money"
The horse was put up again, and dow n
went the gentleman to Long Wharf, Oh which
the merchant kept. %
s.Well,n said he, 81 am going now"
care you 20 said the merchant.
"Well. about the horse, the man says he
must be paid for his keeping"
ssWell, suppose that fs all right, sir. s
"Yes-well, but you know I am your
wife's ceusin." & ~
"Yes.n saidsths merchant, II know you
are, 6,st 4ewr horse is not ~
DoN'r MAXI. a FUss.-By all the