Nashville patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1858-1860, 1859-09-07

or to drink single drop at the very munifi-
cent banquet which the king of Britain had
provided for bis reception. Indeed, so much
was the hospitable monarch surprised by an
abstinence 80 unusual in the good old times,
that when Hamlet and his attendents had
retired to their sleeping-aparment be ordered
one of his servants TO listen at the door, and
pick up as much as be could of the converse
tion.- Hamiet's attendants. who shared the
general curiosity, no sooner found themselves
alone with him, than they inquired into the
cause of his mysterious abstinence He
quietly told them that the bread was stained
with blood, that the drink tasted of iron, and
that the meat smelt ike human corpse
all good and weighty reasons for not making
a hearty meal. His companions further
asker him what he thought of the king and
queen of Britain; and his answer showed
that his opinion OF the iilustrious pair was
not very exalted. = The King, he said, had the
eyes of d serf. and as for the queen, she
betrayed her slavisb origin by three distinct
signs.
Now, the king of Britain was naturally of
a kindly and pacf disposition. with the adj
dit;onal qualification OF that landable spirit
OF curiosity that in later days has been styled
the desire Tor knowledge. So, instead OF fly
ing into a passion when his 5, ryants informed
him of Hamlet's disrespectful observations,
he thought they were worthy of cool aud
serious inquiry. Beginning with the subject
of dinner, he asked where the bread Came
from, and presently learned, on the authority
of the court baker, that the corn OF which It
was made was the produce ola field in which
a great battle had been fought, and which
had been selected by judicious agriculturlsts
on account ofits excessive fertility. Clearly,
Hamlet was not so wrong about the bread;
so the admiring king pursued his investiga-
tons with reference to the bacon, when it
turned out that the pigs of the royal stye had,
on one occasion, broken loose, and Toasted
on the corpse of malefactpr who had paid
the last penalty. of the law. Moreover, in
the well from which the water had been
drawn for the supply of the royal table, sun
dry rusty swords were found, and this ac-
counted for the taste of iron. The fine taste
and the fine nose OF Hamlet could not be suffi-
Gently admired by the excellent king OF
Britain, who was resolved to look into those
little family matters that had been likewise
touched upon by his Danish guest. Accord
ingly, he sent for his mother, the Queenduw-
ager of Britain, and having asked her very
seriously, why he had the eyes of serf re-
ceived the agreeable information that a GER
tain slave, who had been made prisoner of
war, held "a more important position in the
royal pedigree than bad generally been i'm
agined. Hamlet was right againi He was
therefore personally questioned as to the three
signs of slavish origin he had remarked in
the behaviour of the queen-consort. Not in
the least daunted, Hamlet replied, that in the
first place the illustrious lady Was in the
habit of wearing the hood of her cloak Over
her head. contrary to the usages of what OSric
calls :. soft society; that in the second place,
when she walked she tucked up her gown by
the girdle; and that in the third place when
after dinner she used her tooth-pick, sh
hn I'D al Al nod in
stead of splitting them out with royal dignity.
Oh, happy were the days when Ruric was
king of Denmark, when Fengo was Iord-lieu-
tenant of Jutland, and when What's his-name
reigned over this island Talent had a chance
of being rewarded then, especially at the
British court. Far from reproving Hamlet
tor his match less impertinence, the enlighten-
ed king of Britain was in ecstacies at his
acuteness, and at once gave him his daughter
in marriage, thanking the gods for sending
him such a clever Son-in-law. That the we'd
ding might not want its proper solemnity, the
two attendants were duly hung up on the
very day after the ceremony. The advantage
which Hamlet took of this latter circumstance
can scarcely be called handsome. Although
he had artfully contrived the destruction of
his comrades. he pretended TO be excessively
enraged at their death, and the king of Britain.
who felt great awe at Danish indignation,
gave him, by way oil compensation, Il large
sum in gold, which the astute Hamlet melted
and poured into two hollow sticks.
After he had lived in Britain about year.
he thought he would like to see his nativ,
Jutland once more, so, having asked the king
for leave of absence. and obtained the same,
he set off with his two loaded sticks, to visit
the "Old folks at home" The first spectacle
that met his eye in the royal palace, was the
celebration OF his own funeral, held on the
strength of a report that he had died in
Britain; and greatly astounded were the
mOurners, when he reappeared amongst them,
looking silly and dirty as ever. When he
was asked what had become of his two COM
paniOns, he showed the two sticks, and said,
. Here they are, the pair of them" Ofcourse
this reply was set down to the account of the
old imbecility, aud caused explosions of
laughter, for these Jutlauders were not aware
that the sticks contained the worth in bullion
of the two executed gentlemen; nor had they
reached the high philosophy OF Hamlet, which
taught him that mans mOney-value Is, in
fact, the man himself.
Neither was ii suspected in Denmark. that
the funeral ceremonies, which were SO strange
ly interrupted by the safe return OF the de-
ceased, had been contrived by that very per-
son. Before Hamlet had set out for Britain,
he bad had second interview with his moth
er, in the course of which he requested her to
pretend, after his absence tor year, that she
had received news of bis death, to perform as
much OF a funeral as is possible when the
corpse is wanting, and to hang the great hall
of the palace with nctted- tapestry. BY
Queen Geruiha, who was Of remarkably
plant disposition, all these orders were care
fully followed, though she knew well enough
that she would see her son again at the end Of
a twelvemOnth.
.t,e IIo,,,laf In,
tulating himself on his own happy return.
The quantity of wine that he procured for
the refreshment of the courtiers was enormous,
and he added practical joke to his verbal
pleasantrics, dancing about with drawn
sword that he hourshed in the most reckless
fashion. that all were at their Wits end for
fear they might receive some Tnlucky cash
or thrust. His own fingers he really did cut,
and the courtiers took advantage of the cir
cumstance to fasten the sword to the scabbard
with nail.
Through all these proceedings. a great deal
Of drinking went on, till at last every one of
the courters had fallen from his bench, and
was lying scnselcss on the floor Hamlet now
took from their hiding place the wooden hooks
that had caused so much mirtb in early days,
removed the net-hangings from the walls, and
SO fastened them over the sleepers, by means
of the hooks, that escape was impossible.
This done, he simply set fire TO the palace,
and proceeding TO Fengo's chamber, took
down the sword that was hanging over the
sleeping king, and hung up his own in its
place. Great was the CONSERVATION of FengO
when he was awakened by voice that said
in no pleasing tone, Fengo, your brave men
are burning to ashes, and Hamlet is here to
avenge the death of his falher." The first
impulse of Fengo was to reach down the sus-
pended sw ord, but as that unlucky weapon
was fastened to its sheath, il proved a sorry
defence against the sharp blade welded by
Hamlet, aud the fratriclde viceroy now re-
ceived his mortal blow.
Now, il was quite possible that Hamlet's
conduct on this eventual night might not be
/ accordance with the views of Jutland gen.
rally. With that prudence that was his
.ading virtue he retired, therefore, to a safe
ding place, whence he could watch the
spcct of the political horizon. When the