Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1859-04-14
LEGAL WITTICISMS.

There is nothing, we imagine, more re-
freshing in the close atmosphere of a
crowded court of justice, and to the tired
minds of its occupants, than the inter-
ruption of the monotony of some long,
dull trial hy a witticism from the witness
box. Dull faces brighten up; horse-hair
wigs, sleepily reclined over the bar-table,
are raised. the weary jurymen freshen up;
snd the great emblem of sovereignty, the
4 Judge himself, condescends to expand his
solemn visage into a wintry smile. In
such case, tne council sees in a moment
that he has hit upon little vein of wit,
which he proceeds to burrow and mine in
every direction, extracting therefrom that
most precious material, amusement
Buta careful man must the counsel afore.
said be in these mining operations, for
scarcely more dangerous being exists
than your witty witness. A man, when
elevated with the applause which greets a
good saying, may follow it up with some
thing else, intensely amusing to himself,
but which has the effect of disconcerting
his own counsel, and materially damaging
if not wholly destroying his own chance OF
success.
The legitimate object of witty remark
from the witnessbox. is generally conce-
ded to be the flooring of the counsel who
is conducting the inquiry-an operation
culiar skill and dexterity, ahd which is, Of
course only advantageous during cross-ex.
animation.
Two Of the best instances with which
we can present the reader of this fact ,,av.
ing been signally accomplished, occurred
to two profound lawyers, both of whom
now adorn the judicial bench.
AT the Cambridge Spring Assizes, 1885
a person was accused OF stealing watch
from The bedroom of Mr. George Paynter
at Wallingham, Cambridgeshre; and or
the trial, the following little conversation
took place during the cross examination o
the prosecutor.
Counsel.-tWhere do YOU live?'
Witness.-At Wallngham; but am no
a Wallingham man.
what are you?'
AN engineer. l was apprenticed L
Henry Mandesley. partner to Sir Isamber
Brunei, of Thames Tunnel notoriety'
We'll, what else are you?'
why, l am gunsmith, locksmith, ant
ellhanger, iron arm and lathe maker
edge-tool maker; watch and clock maker
and repairer; mathematical instrument ma
ker; weighing machine, scale and steelyard
maker; nife-maAer and grinder; publican
and licensed vlctualler; and an old man-of
wars man, and was engaged in the glori
GUS ACTION between vi.v s5i.--.-..o-. --i ~,
Chesapeake
Are you not conjurer as well?'
'Oh, yes, that am; and if you are viii
ling, l will show you one or two of my
tricks
What can you do?'
We'll, if you will allow me, and not con
'Oh, certainly; go on
Then, if you will just take off your wis
and get the gentleman next you to grease
your head, will swallow you whole, ane
then YOU will be no more trouble to your
self, nor to any one else!'
You may stand down, SIR
The other incident we alluded to is NOR,
recent date { 1855 and, rather singularly
the witness was clergyman.
Scene, crowded court. trial, an actor
on the warranty of horse, commonly call
ed a horse cause. Witness, a clergy man
who has sworn in his examination il
chief that in his opinion the horse wa.
sound. u
Counscl--Well. you don't know any.
thing about horses? You're aparson, yot
know.
Witness--I have good deal of knowl
edge respecting horses.
C.--You think you have. l dare say, bu
we may think otherwise. | wonder, now
whether you know the difference between
, horse and a COW?
W.-Yes, dare say do.
C.--Now, then, sir, tell the jury the diff
: ference between horse and COW.
W.--Gentlemen. one great difference be
!. tween these two animals, is, that one ha'
horns and the other has not-much tn,
same difference, gentlemen, that exists be
tween ball and bully turning to coun
sel.) : p
Roars Of laughter, Judge joining.)
W. 'oiy ahS NJ j.. H "1 -
thought that was very funny, sir?
W.--Well, 1 don't think it was bad, ant
y several of the audience seem to be OF th'
same opinion.
C.-Very likely, but perhaps you hav'
: before now heard the remark that zone foo
makes many s-s
WI hope you don't intend to inc)ud
j his lordship in that fattering remark.
Judge to C.--Go on, sir, in a prope
manner with your examination. lam sur
prised at you. e.o:
Of course The counsel sat down, ant
the witness left the court with the happi
ness of having completely discomitted The
opposite side, and escaped, perhaps, a rig
id cross-examination. W go ssfil'
70 We remember another nice little reply
made by a witness, chemist, called Il
: prove the badness of the gas supplied b.
a certain gas company. One of his state
: ments was. that the ceilings in his hous
!. were so dis6gured that be had to have then
u whitewished.
C.-Well, sir, and was anything white
i washed beside your ceiling?u se,os gea