East Saginaw courier. (East Saginaw, Mich.) 1859-18??, 1859-09-15

shocks Of cups and saucers, and rounds of
butter toast.
Uuable to carry the war on any longer
for the day, solomon gathered himsilf up
as well as he could, and vowing all sorts
of vengeance, stuck his pipe in his mouth,
his hands in his pockets, and then setting
chair in the middle of the room, he
planked himself on it, and commenced
whisling jig to the tune the old COW
died OF, looking the while as if he could
bite piece out Of griddle without set
ting his teeth on edge.
His good lady, too, being determined
to follow the example of her lord and
master in other matters besides delf
breaking, placed another chair back to
back with Sclomons, and after providing
herself with a novel, sat herself down
and then commenced reading, as if there
was no such thing as beds to make, or
stockings to mend in all christendom.
Here this affectionate couple sat for
six mortal hours, each bent on sitting
the other down, and ruminating the while
upon the pleasures of their relative posi-
tions. But it must be confessed that
Mrs. Swallow had the best of the bargain,
for independent of Solomon's mangled
head, and par boiled neck and shoulders,
he was mad that the watch dial and
crockery must be replaced; so that tho
reducing of the first chapter Of this vol
luminous system to practice must be at
tended to with an outlay of at least $50.
| This being the case, may as well be
hung for a sheep as lamb thought he,
and with that he rose from the chair
stole softly out Of the room, and turned
the key upon the gentle Mrs. Swallow.
The turning of the key by Mr.. Swal
low Immediately made her aware of his
intention, when she rushed to the door,
but it was too late.
"Open the door this very instant Mr..
Swallow"
"Not until / have kept you for seven
days upon bread and water" returned
the victorious Solomon, and he went on
his way rejoicing
But alas how evanescent is human
greatness = in about half an hour he re-
turned to see how matters went on, but
had scarcely put his eye to the keyholc
than he began to roar like bull, for Mrs.
Swallow had torn every one of his linen
shirts-(that on his back excepted Unto
pieces, to make rope to letherself down
from the window; nor was this all, for
upon further examination, he discovered
that she had also throwna variety OF chair
|cushions--bed linen, &C., in the dirty
yard to make her descent safe and comlor-
table.
Oh. chop fallen Solomon Swallow.
The archieves of the Swallows are ST.
lent as to the remaining occurrences Of
this eventful day, but on the very next
morning about seven o'clock, Mr.. Swal-
low popped his head from under the
blankets and said to Mrs. Swallow in tho
most soothing and imploring tone possi-
bic. "Mrs Swallow; dear, isn't it time to
get upP" h hor 3.
"Yes,n returned the lady, 'and you may
call me when you have lit up the fire aud
put on the kettle toi nol
Poor Solomon, there was no alternative;
so he even sat about his work with an :
alacrity, which showed that the terror of
broken heads and demolished body linen
was running in his memory. In short,
Solomon was, conquered man. That
day he had to prepare breakfast, sweep
the room, &C.. The next his assistance
and making Of beas "a igSn and Before the week
was out he was initiated into the mystery
of washing coarse towels fN 'lGst
Degenerate Solomon Swallowl Nay
in after times, when the little Swallows
began to gather about him, il is whisper
ed that his better half (she was now his
better half used TO employ him as yet
more deeply in conjugal Offices. Z 1elsat
But for this we have no proof other
than the fact that he was the only nurse
that Mrs. Swallow would trust with the
children. sai ati 81 h eii'
About FIVE years after the celebration
Of his nuptials, friend one day called to
see him. @7i Hf flft .sfia las
You must go with me TO the theatre,
Swallow" said the friend. 49,. ~ brago
'sHe shant," said Mrs Swallow boe
"But he must, replied the friend, "and
so must you." ae1l
~ may, but he can't" replied the dame,
"for he must stay and mind the children"
And Mrs. Swallow did go to the play.
and Solomon Swallow stopped at home.
anl when visited that evening, found
him nursing his three children. 5i.rs
Oh hen pecked Solomon lSwallowiuA
The moral of this authentic tale is,
that bachelors wives and old maids chill
dren are always excellent in theory, but
as bad as can be in practice, and that a
managed wife is worse than no wife at
all. Had Solomon only treated his bet
ter half decently in the beginning, things
might have gone on smoothly to the end;
but as it was, he compelled her to be a
tartar in her own dcfencc, and had 10 take
the consequence. 1 .sd i'atsrt
CONTESTED WILL CAsE,--The Will Of
the late Hiram II. andrews Of Detroit is
being contested before the Probate Court
by his two brothers, on the iucapacity to
make viii at the time the instrument
was drawn up. 1t was made on the
morning of the day on which he died,
and bestowed all his property on his
wife. ~ s.
A 4