East Saginaw courier. (East Saginaw, Mich.) 1859-18??, 1859-11-24
From the Springfield Republican.
The Complaint Of the Man with the Big
Belly.


Belly.
What on earth makes mans belly
grow three or four times as large as it
ought to be, and not any of the rest of
his body, for my part can't see. Why
don't mans nose grow so? Why don't
the other animals do SO? That's what I'd
like to know. "Laugh and grow fatl"
| say grow fat and be laughed at. The
human form divine indeed! Adam wouldn't
recognize me for fellow man if was
introduced to him with these hoops on
As some one said, it seemed as though
l had stopped growing for a time, and
when | commenced again | grew the
wrong way. I've tried everything to
stop it. Ive drank green ale. I've
slept on my face. I've dieted. I've
tried buckles and straps; but who can
sleep on his face or go without his victuals
or be strapped up so tight he can't whis-
tie? I'm not respected on the street.
No longer ago than yesterday, going
along the street, an impudent school-boy
ran up to my side kicked up his heels
and squealed like pig-Lhem off before
me; l pretended that took no notice of
it, but hang the young rascal, if I'll got
my hands on him, I'd have cufIcd his
impudencc out Of him. A boy wouldn't
any more have dared to do that when |
went to school than he'd have struck a
selectman; but you might as well try to
find lost sleeve-button as to find boy
Il lnx
Pm open to everybody's jokes, high and
low Every time there's city elction,
a hundred or more tell me that | should
be made an aldermen, Billings calls me
Mr. O., and then they all laugh.
Day before yesterday that confounded
Tinkham commencedrunning me before
the whole board, telling them that an
itinerant monkey jumped upon me in the
street, thinking my stomach was his mas
ter's hand organ, and wanting to know
how / got into bed, and if they didn'tr roll
me up on skids! | could have clawcd his
eyes out, but | had to laugh with the
rest. That man jokes too much. I'll
bet supper that more than five hun
dred have asked me this last year show
much do you weigh"
What business is it to them how much
I weigh? Do they want to buy me?-
And then everybody asks me if Pm not
come of the Dutch, if don't eat too
much. 1t makes me SO mad. Come of
the Dutch, when my names just the
purest English ever spokcn-Waddle?-
--i---s & tt~.sS~, 49, 1T = -,
man starve?
Then some Of them want to know IL
was always so if was fat boy. When
| was boy was as thin as mans
hand; there wasn't boy could jump
further or climb tree quicker, than /,
within 90 miles. l was thin enough
then, but since I've swelled from the new
to the full moon. / met one school-mate
the other day; he knew me when was
lean enough, and must speak of it, and
give me punch with his fist, and say l
was like the man in Shakespeare, / had
"achieved greatness" ~ would / were
boy again." I'd be as lean as tele-
graph pole, and as tall, too, if / could
get rid of this thorn in the flesh.
I'm told to exercise, to make a run be-
fore breakfast. Run? / haven't run a
step for fifteen years. How can run?
1t half kills me to walk down hill. I've
slipped down on the ice, though, but |
didn't get over it all winter. ! don't en-
/ JOY riding, either suppose | should be
thrown from wagon. 1t makes me
quake to think of it; what sight and
mass I should be- o. O! I'd swap it of
for a hump on the back, if [ could; it's
bad enough to be hunch-baclled, but it's
worse thing to be hunch-bellicd. The
future is dark to me; my body casts O
shadow over it all; gather size like a
rolling snow ball. Bot suit YOURSELF
I'm Independent Of you, and fits any
satisfaction to you, why then grow, grow
growl