The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1859-11-04
MIS- G ELLA NE Gus i.
Divorced by Mistake.

Jersey, two men, named Smith and Jones,
who had both OF them designs on the Lrgisa-
ture. Joaes had bad wife and was in love
with pretty Woman-he wished TO be dlvor-
ced from his bad wife, SO that he might marry
the pretty woman, who, by the way was a
widow, with black eyes, and such a form -
Therefore Jones came 10 Trenton for divorce.
Smith bad good wife, good as an angel,
and the mother OF ten children, and Smith did
uot waIt 10 b. divorced, bot wanted to get a
charter fora turnpike or plankroad 10 extend
/ from Pigs Run 10 Terrapln Hollow.
/ Well, they, with these different errands,
! came to Trenton, and addressed the assembled
wisdom with the usual arguments. First, sup
/ Pers, mainly composed OF oysters with rich
! background of venision second, liquors 10
/ great plenty, from ''Jersey lightning, (which
/ IS kind OF locomotive at fall speed, reduced
/ 10 Liquor shape-to Newark champa gne.
/ To speak IN plain prose, the divorced man
gave champagne supper, and Smith, the turn
pike man, followed with champagne break
last, undtr the notifying influence OF which
the assembled wisdom passed both the divorce
aud tu-lpike bills and Jones and Smith-a
copy c! each bill in their Pocket--went home
rejoicing, over many miles Of sand, and through
the tgibuiation OF many stage coaches.
, Smith arrived home ia the evening, and as
he sat down 10 the parlor, his pretty wife be-
side hIn-how pretty she did look and FIVE
oi her c6idren oyer-hearlDg the other five
studying iheir lessons in the corner Of the room,
Sm!ta vas induced to expaliair upon the good
results oi his mtsion to Trenton.
"a turnpike, my dear I am one Of the
Directors, and will be President. Il viii set
/ TIE up, lose we can send our children to the
b5arding-school, and live 10 style oct Of the
Toll. Here is taa charter, honey"
"Let me see it, said the pretty little wife,
! vino was one of the incest OF wives, with
! piumpaess and goodness dmPIing all over her
! face. E'Let Tie see H. as she leaned over Mr.
/ Smiths shoulder.
T But all at once Smiths visage grew long
! Smiths wIle's visage grew black. Smith was
not pso.ane, but now he ripped out an awful
cath.
.''Ei4st Us, wife, those internal scoundrels at
! Trenton have gone and divorced us"
/ j tsas too true the parchment which he
held was a bill of divorce, in which the.namPS
OF smith aad Smiths vile appeared in
-, aliy ieg'2le Characters.
.rs. Smith wiped Asr eyes with the corner
o. her apyoa.
"Here's turnpike" said she sadly, sand
with the whole Of our ten children staring ne
in the face, amt your wIie Here's turn
pike"
"Biast the pike and the Legislature, and
Well the tact is that Smith, reduced to
single blessedness, enacted into a stranger 10
his own wife, swore awiuIly. Although the
night was dark, and most OF the dsniz~ns Of
:. ; b,4 -
ate wife 10 put on her bonnet, and arm and
arm ,aey proceeded 10 the clergyman of their
church.
s-Goodness bless ne :" exclaimed the good
man, as he saw them enter. Smith looking
like the last of June shad, Smiths wife wiping
her eyes with the corner Of her apron-.:Good-
ness bless me, what's the matter ?''
''The matter is, | want you TO marry Us two
right off, replied Smith.
"5larrg lyou ~ CALCULATED the clergyman
with expanded fingers and awful eyes ''are
YOU drunk, or what Is the matter with you g.
However, he finally married them over
straghtway and would not take a lee the fact
Is, grave as be was, he was dying 10 be alone
that be might give vent TO a suppressed laugh
that was shaking him all over and Smith and
Smiths wife went ioyfulIy home and kissed
every one oftheir children. The little Smiths
never knew that their father and mother had
! ever been made strangers TO each other by
legislative enactment.
Meanwhile, and on the same night, Jones
. returned 10 his native town-BnFlinJton, | be-
lIrve-and sought at once the fac black eyes
which be had hoped shortly to call his own.-
, The pretty widow sat on the sofa, white ker-
1 chief tied careesslv around her white throat.
her black hair laid in silky waves agalns! each
f rosy caeek.
divorce is the word," cried Jones, playful
" patting her double chin ; ''the fac, Is, Eliza,
l. I'm rid Of that cursed woman, and YOU aad
= III be married tonight. knew bow TO
manage those scoundreis at Trenton. 4 cham
pagne superior was it breakfast, did the
. business for them. "Put on your bonnet and
r let US 90 to the preachers at once, dearest"
The widow, who was among widows a:
peaches among apples, put on her bonnet
: and took Jones's arm, and
| ''Just look how handsome il is put on parch-
men! - cried Jones, pulling out the document
before her '.here's the law that says thai
, Jacob Jones and Ann Caroline Jones are two
Putting her plump gloved haud on bis shoul-
der she did look.
80 dear :" she said, with her her rosy lips,
and sank back half faiu;ing on the sofa.
30 blazes cried Jones, and sank beside her,
rusilIng the fatal parchment 10 his baad
''here's lot Of happiness and champagne gone
10 RUM
1t was hard case. Instead of being d.
vorcediand at lIberty,ro marry The widow ,Jacot
Jones was simply by the Legislature of New
Jersey incorporated into turnpike company,
/. and what made it worse, authorized to run
from Burlington to Bristol
When you reflect that Burlington and Bris-
..ol are located just httle apart, on opposite