Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1859-05-05
rle,x Bea Pustle get his wife.

PurtIe. He wss red haired, and each hair
ssood q II il cherished the supremest con.
tempt for iy next neighbor. His face was
fssckled ss the most bespotsed turkey egg.
His nose supported at the bridge, > large
lump, while the end turned viciously to
one side. His mouth had every shape but
. pretty shape. His form was uncouth as
bis face was ugly. The very climax Of
uglipess wss Ben Purtle-whst was more
still, Ben had handsome, bouncing,
blooming wifs-such - can only be grown
spon country farm.
"How the Deuce" said / to Ben one
day, "did you ever get such . wife, you
uucouth, m,sshspen quintessence Of mon
strocisy"
Ben was not at all offended at the i'm
pertinenee Of my question, and forthwith
bessn to solve the mystery. thus:
"weli now, gals what's sensible sin't
cotcht BY none Of your purity and hifalutin
airs. I've seed that tried MORN once
You know Katy was alters considerable
the purtiest gal in these parts and all the
young fellers in the naborbood used to try
70 cotch her. Well, used to go over to
old Sammy's too. just to kinder look on,
ysu know, and cast sleeps eyes at Kate.
But Lord ssxes! l had no more thought
that could get Kate than Jerusalem
cricket could hide 10 the hair that wasn't
on old Ssmmys bald head no stree
But still. ! couldn't help going, and my
heart would kinder autter, and my eyes
would burn all over, whenever I'd go to
talk to Kate. And one day when Kate
sorter made fun of me like, it almost killed
me sure. I went home with something
like . rock jostling in my breast and
swore Id hang myself with the FIRST pillow
line found"
"Did you hang yourself?"
"No; daddy blazed out to me for not
taking old Ball to the pasture in the morn.
ing. and scared me SO bad forgot it,"
"Go on" said I, seeing Been pause with
apparent regret that he had not executed
bis vow.
SWELL, soon on Sunday morning-n
reckon It was about year after that hang.
ing)-I go. up and scraped my face with
dsddy's razor and put on my new coprus
britches and a new linsey coat that man.
my had dyed with sassafrac bark and went
over to uncle Sammys. Now I'd got to
loving Kate like oil creation, but ! never
cheaped to anybody about my feelings
But knowed was on the right side of
the old folks"
well, now, amt it quar-" continued
Ben, after short pause during which be
rolled his quid to a more convenient place
10 his mouth, how fellow will feel some.
times? Something seemed to say as ]
went along, Ben Purtle, this is great
day for you, aud then my heart jumped
and auuered like jay bird in q trap
And when got there aad seed Kate with
her new checked homespun frock on,
rally thought should take the blind stag.
gers anyhow
Ben paused again to brush the fog from
his eyes, and then continued:
Well, ! found the order Of the day was
to 60 muscad:ne hunting. Joe Sharp and
his two sisters and Jim Bowles was thar
Id knowed for . long time that Joe Sharp
was right after Kate; and | hated him
worse than hog hates to find the way
out Of tater patch; but don't let oa.-
Sharp had on white britches and fine shoes
and broadcleth coat, but everybody knowed
ne wasn't worth red cent. He walked
with Kate, and you ought to seen the
airs he put on. 1t was Miss Kate this
and Miss Kate that, and all such nom
sense. After awhile we came to a slough
whar We had to cross on log and Id q
notion to pitch the sassy good for nothing
feller into the water
why didn't you n l asked, sympathi.
zing with the narrator.
"Stop, never mind" said Ben, giving
me nudge. providence done that all
up brown. Nothing must do but Joe
Sharp must lead Miss Kate across eus,.-
He jumped on the log in high glee and
took Kate's hand and &C they put. JUS,
a. they had got halt way across tarnation
big bull frog jumped of into the water
(yeu know they holler.) 'Snakes!' scream
ed the blasted fool and knocked Kate Of
up to her waist in the nasty, black muddy
water. And dye think the scamp didn't
come up after we'd got her out, and said
Are you much hurt, Miss Kate?'
Ny dander was up. ] couldn't stand i.
cotch him by the seat Of his white briteh
- and his coat collar, and gin him . toss
May be he didn't 90 clear Under when he
biz the water. didn't see him out. Nj
and Kate put for the house. When w
started on Kate said:
Ben jist let me hold onto your arm
my kn1es feel sor.er weak
"Gepsas Jemimy! ! felt so quar- wher
she tuck hold. tried to say something
nice but my drotisd mouth wouldn't 80 Of
NO bow. But felt - strong - an ele-
plant and helped Kate along. Bimby
Kate said
Ban, tha. Joe Sharp's good for moth
ing, snssking nobody, II ever he puts hi'
hssd inside Of our house again, III sous