Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1859-03-31
SOLILOQUY OF A DRUNKARD.

Let's see, where am I? This is-coal
I'm layin' on. How'd 1 get here? (rehects.
Yes, mind now. Was comm up street,
met wheelbarrow-was drunk-comin'
tother way-the wheelbarrow fell over me,
or I fell over the wheelbarrow-an one of
us fell into the cellar-don't mind which
now-guess it must been me. I'm nice
young man, yes [ am tight! tore shot J!
drunk! Well, I can't help it-'taint my
fault-wonder whose fault tbs Is it Jones'
fault? no. Is it my wife's fault? well it
amt. Is it the wheelbarrow' fault ? n-o-o
It's whiskey's fault. Who is whiskey? Has
he large family? got many relations p
All poor, I recken. I think l wont own
him any more. I'll cut his acquaintance.
I've had that notion for about ten years, and
always hated to do it for fear Of hurting his
|feelings-Tll do it now-I think liquors
injurin' me-it's spoilin' my temper.
Sometimes I get mad when I'm drunk,
and abuse Bets and the children it used to
be Lizzie and the children, that's some time
ago; [ can jist mind it; when I come home
Of evenings she used to put her arm round
my neck and kiss me, and call me dear Will
liam. When [ come home now, she takes
her pipe out of her mouth and puts her hair
out of her eyes, and looks at me, and says
somethin' like-Bill, you drunken brute,
shut the door after you, we'er cold enough
havin' no fire, 'thout lettin' the snow blow
in that way. Yes, she's Bets and I'm Bill,
now; I amt any good nuther, think Pm
counterfeit-won't pass tavern without
goin' in and gettin' drink. Don't know
what Bank, I'm on! last Sunday was on
the river bank, drunk.
I stay out pretty late now, sometimes I'm
out all night, fact is I'm out pretty much all
over-out of friends, out of pocket, out at
the elbows and knees, and always outrage
ously dirty, so Bets says-but then she's no
judge, for she's never clean herself. Iwon-
der why she don't wear good clothes, may be
she hasn't got 'em, whose faults that faint
mine-it must be whiskey's.
Sometimes I'm in, however; I'm intoxi,
Gated now, and in somebody's coal cellar.
There is one good principle I've got-I
won't get into debit never could do it,
There, one of my coat tails is gone, got tore
off I expect, when I fell down here-Pll
have to get new suit soon. A fellow told
me other day, I'd make a good sign for a
paper mill; if he wasn't so big I'd licked
him. I've had this shirt on for nine days,
and I'm afraid it won't come off without
tearin'. People ought to respect me more'n
they do, for I'm in holy orders-I amt a
dandy, though my coat is pretty near grease
ian style. guess I tore this window shut
ter in my pants the other night when I sat
down on the wax in Ben Nuggs shop-I'll
have to get it mended up, or I will catch
cold-I aint very stout as it is, though I'm
full in the face as the boys say, I'm about
as fat as match, and as healthy as the small
pox. My best hat is standin' for window
pane that went out the other mornin' at the
invitation of brickbat. It's gettin' cold
down here; wonder how I'll get out, I amt
able to climb-if I had drink I could
think better; let's see, I amt got no three
cents. I wish was in the tavern could
sponge one. When anybody treats, and
says, "come fellers." I always think my
names ''fellers," and I have got too good
manners to refuse. Well must leave this.
or they'll arrest ME for attempt at burglary.
I amt come to that yet. Anyhow it was
the wheelbarrow that did the harm, not me.
H<Svdnov Smith onco caid at an ris