The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-09-14
Miscellaneous Items. u.'

has kndled match without trouble.
- The world is good enough, if those
who inhabit it would make the best Of IL.
- Poor Charles who was lately split
ting with laughter, has been spliced by
the parson. >s
. = There is no landing on the shore Of
felicity without sailing in the bark Of fl
deity.
= There is q man up town so lazy that
he keeps a boy to smoke his cigars and
eat his oysters. '@
- Henry Ward, Beechor has volume
of sermons and volume of lectures to
young men, in press.
Why is tho letter u the gayest in
the alphabet? Because it is always in
fun. ''.-<' AZ
LADY Mary Wortley Montague used
to say the only thing which reconciled her
to be woman, was that she never would
be obliged TO marry one. =, ~
- The poor man who travels with a
pack upon bis back, is generally better
than the fellow who travels with pack
in his pocket. ,-.-.s
- The Welsh have saying that il a
woman was quick with her feet as her
tongue, she would catch lightning to
kindle the fire in the morning.
= Lord!" said Mrs.Partington, awhat
monsters these cotton-planters must be.
l am told that some on 'em have hund-
red hands,"
- It is said that COW in Yorkshire,
England, having had one of her foro legs
amputated, has been supplied with a
wooden one, and that she manages 10 live
very comfortably upon that. -.ss.e
= A young lady who had lost or miss
laid her beau, was advised to "hang up
her fiddle" She said, "the advise did
great violence to her heart-strings."
= Geo. i. Becker, formerly of Ann
Arbor and a graduate of the State Uni
versity, has been nominated for Governor
by the Democrats of Minnesota. ~.
- An Eastern paper says that gen.
tleman residing near Buffalo, has n COW
which weighs $500 pounds, and gives rs
quarts of milk at one milking. Good
sized cow-story ditto.
= George Baxter, of Buffalo, was kill
ed last week through swallowing plum
stone, which perforated one of the large
intestines, occasioning excessive inhamma
tion and consequent death.
- We have never yet met with the
man, woman or child, too degraded fol
the voice of kindness to reach the heart
and 10 lead to confession of guilt, and dc
sire for amendment.
- The clergy cost the United State.
$12,000,000 annually; the criminals, 40,
600; the lawyers, 10000, 1000; and Ii
quors, 200,Oo0,000. How much dc
school teachers cost?
- AT six years we love our mothers
at ten our fathers, at sixteen our dresses
at twenty our sweethearts, at twenty-fiv,
our wives, at forty our children, at sixt,
ourselves.
-" Why don't you go to-work, anc
stop picking your nose" said an old gen
tleman to boy. It's my nose, ain
it? and it's the Fourth of July, too. II
pick thunder out.on't if I've a mind to !.
exclaimed the boy.
|
-" What is the best guard against al
adversarys" said pupil in the art O
sefdefence to his teacher-a noted pu
gilist. "Keep civil tongue in you
head" was the unexpected and signiican
reply.
- An Irishman going to be hangc
begged that the rope might be tied III
der his arms instead of aroundh his throat
For" said Pat, 81 am so remarkabl
ticklish in the throat, that if tied ther
III certainly kill myself with laughter"
= The Montreal papers state that
is expected the Victoria bridge will b
open for traffic carly in November. 1t
almost certainty the Prince of Wale
and. the Duke of Newcastle will visi
Canada shortly and be present at the &C
ebration of the opening.
- One of the fercost aboltionists i
Ohio is a person who sold not only hi
own slaves but an estate comprising man
slaves, and in his haste forgot TO pay owe
? the portion of tho proceeds due his moth
er and his co-heirs, leaving them thereb
almost destitute. Charleston Courie
- There is dew in one flower and nc
in another, because one opens its cup an
takes il in, while the other closes itse
: and the drop runs of. God rains h
goodness and mercy as widespread as tl
dew, and if we lack them, it is becau,
we will not open our hearts 10 rccei,
them. a 49, .,l
- A new shot gun has been pcrfecte
at Colts armory, which will probably
, in market next winter. It Is made {
FIVE charges, on the revolver principle, an
, is loaded and fired with great facility;
Is of convenient size and weight, and ma
be carried in the most careless manno
without accident.