Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1859-06-03

with an incredulous curiosity. Once, an
once only, he smoked since his marriage. |
was at supper, late at night. B,aam was
probably, ajwn with wine. When the par
ty broke up, Balaam remembered he must z,
home--go. in fact, to bed. That ref ctiOi
sJbercd him. Now II man who has not onl,
passed tie evening in II warm room will
smokers, but has himself smoked, canno
hope to conceal his crime; he can only cndur,
its consequences.
OF course, under the circumstances, Ba
laam resolved to pass the night out--not tt
go homo ut all. But tie vision of Mrs. B
sitting up for him all night in her night-cap
as grand inquistor, and saying "BALAAM
WHERE AND WITH WHOM DlD Yor PASS Tut
NIGHT ~ was too overwhelming. He was
sure that he could never explain his absence
to the satisfaction OF Mrs. B. Her signs OF
martyred wifehood and womanhood would
force him into premature grave. He, there
| fore, 'esUlyed to 20 home.
! But he found the way home like the road
to Jpidn. 1t was very hard one to travel
and he went very slowly. 1t was bitter
nidwintcr midnight Int BalnI-l 'naren Il,
eh urely as Romeo from Julitts balcony. II,
reached his house, at length, and he found
his own keyhole with difficulty.
In truth he was only too much awake
too profoundly y aware of his situation lie
certainly never opened the door So sjftly be-
fore, and never before crept 81 npi>eessly up
stairs-undressing as there is reason to be-
lieve, in the dark. II was evident that he
hoped not to disturb the innocent slumbeI Of
his spouse. But scarcely had his head touch
ed the pillIw than, without saying a word
she arme, opened every window in the 70 IN =.
opened lhs doors, orened the windows in
other rooms, and bctook herself, in majestic
scorn and silence to remote and solitary
chnmher tor Il { rest of the night.
For two days those windows IRE inexora-
bly, open, and all the doors Unchulenged
winter reigned. The servants left. Mrs. B.
went about in her bonnet and iurs. She
sent the children to her sisters. Balaam IS
nose was blce the whole time. Mrs. Bllaam
did not speak of tobacco, but she shuddered
anu compressed her mouth from time to time,
ana SAID to him, in dry, wiry tone, as they
sat shvering in the parlor "Isnf il dread
fW! Bm ,ohat can you do ,Dhen a house smells
so ~
By April the Balaam Spring cleaning sets
IN Mrs. Balaams costume, during this
month is an old black bombaz bonnet, a
tartan-shawl and india-rubbcrs. The house
is damp and cold, and Balaam study is put
in order and well washed. The carpets are
taken up and turned over into the middle of
the room the pictures are covered with linen
sheets and the furniture is strewed about the
rooms. and packed under table-cloths which
arc made last around the legs of chairs and
book Cases. Balaam tumbles over mops and
falls into slop-pails, and eats his dinner in q
corner OF the kitchen, while the indomitable
wife is charging, at the head of brigade of
washers and sweepers, upon specks of dust
afo hor tl,l ,,,,-
parts OF the house.
Mrs. BIlaam is not beautiful at this season;
but she hopes Christian wives and mothers
have something better to do than to be orna-
mental sticks Of candy.
Bilaam feebly suggests little excursions
into the country. MY dear B Bllaam," she
replies, stopping upon the stairs with u faded
handkerchief wound about her head. limp
morning-wrnpper upon her person, and odd
glpves with holes in them on her hands,
which hold, the one duster and the other
broom, "my dear BAlaam, could you sleep
comfortably if you knew you had run away,
like coward. from house which was II
heap of fhh?"
Btlaam sinks into silence under an over
whclming sense Of universal dit, and in com
plete confusion Of mind and false perception
Of propreties, wipes his clean shoes carefully
upon the mat as he goes out ut the front door
into the street
When the Spring cleaning is over, the in
atlgabe Mrs. Balaam reposcs her hands and
her feet but not her eyes nor her mind. They
are busily engaged in spying out new con-
taminati'ns of that household purity, and
devising fresh campaigns against dirt. Then,
as il still painting from the Spring cleaning,
she suddenly summons all her forces and be-
gins " to put things to rights for the Sum
mer."
This process is one of balng and bagging.
In early June, the parlor furniture looks AS
ii it were all going to bed. The chandeliers
and candel4bras have on night-caps, and the
easy-chairs and lounges baggy nigh,-gowns.
The pictures are tucked up behind musqulto-
nets, and the clock, mufled in g.uze, stops
and sleeps. The mating is put down, and
then comes another change Tho oior of the
straw is foreign and sickly. 1t suggests the
East Indies and elrphantiasis; and suddenly
the whole parlor, in that cold, dreadful odo,,
becomes II hospital. and the chairs, lounges
and clock are all in long bed-gowns, with
frightfu diseases.
When the hdeous effort is completed, Mrs.
Bllaam declares that Balaam must take her
into the country for fresh air. Balaam does
not resist. lie is carried to railroad stations
hi0 eHS iScs III icdiiul QudiIcio Will ppItcis'
merely because Mrs. Bllaam stands by,
among the boxcs and trunks, holding the
family umbrella and he prefers to settle with
the porter, at any risk, rather than with
Mrs. B. The same scene takes place at the
steamboat landings. But Bllaam weakly
thanks his stars that Mrs B. prefers to settle
the fare with the hackmen herself. With an
imbecile sense of relief on these occasions,
the poor PROSTATE Balaam says TO her, with
feeble jocularity, My dear, you are the
only fair that the coachman can't settle"
They go INTO the country. Tho house lies
under the warm side OF a lilil There are no
trees The Balaam bedroom is ten feet by
fifteen, with double bed in it, and the
trunks about the floor. There are wall-paper
shades over the windows, in which the July
sun nestlcs all the day long. There is fried
pork and heavy homemade bread for break
fast, and venerable boiled beef and cabbage
for dinner" hearty, homely fare" Mrs.
Balaam says" none of your watering place
kick-shaws. Balaam bleats mild protests
at intervals and lately, as he was stroling
along the dusty road, holding cotton UNI
brella with one hand to shield him from the
sun, with the other brandishing c. tton
handkerchief about his brows to wipe the
exudng moisture, he met friend from town
going on to the sea-shore.
"Ah, Balaam, my boy, how do you like
your lodging?"
b., who has a vague sense of the omnipres-
ence Of Mrs. B.. and always speaks as in her
dread hearing, answered
"Oh very we'll"
"Well,' said his lugubrious friend, ~
should think, you were not eaten up with
the mosquitoes, did not come down with the
fever ar ague, or the bilious fever, or the
gastric fever, or the how, slow country fever
and il you dared to be out in the evening,
or sleep with your windows open, or 60 in to
bathe-it might be quite tolerable, only it
must be internally hot, of course"
Mr.. Balaam rose one morning with the
irmness of despair, and said, with careless,
semiresolute air, TO his wife:
Ain dom. tkir,lx L sha LII al.