San Andreas independent., 1859-01-15
M | 8 c 9 IL a n a e

W. M
fine picture in good light.
The ancient Greeks buried their dead
in jars. Hence the expression, "He's
gone to pot"
A store-keeper advertises ten pounds
OF sausages for a dollar, whereupon
Boston paper exclaims, "Dog cheap"
A disagreeable old bachelor is in favor
OF wells. He is of opinion that they ma
terlaliy improve one-half the women
An advertisement reads as follows
"Stolen, watch worth a hundred dol
lars. If the thief will return it, he shall
be informed where he may steal one
worth two of it, and no questions asked"
"We won't indulge in such horrid an
ticipations," as the n-pecked husband
said, when the parson told him he would
be joined to his wife in another world
never to be separated from her.
A gentleman who had very blunder-
ing servant, put down in writing every
thing he wished him to do Going to the
country one day, the master fell into
ditch. He called the lad, who, instead
of Fastening to his assistance, exclaimed,
"Stop, let me see if it's down in my
memorandum book"
Mrs. Partington lately remarked to a
legal friend: eff [ owes a man a debt.
and makes him the lawless tenant of a
blank bill, and he infuses to incept it,
but swears out an execration, and levels
it upon my body, if | wouldn't make a
pollywog of him, drown me in the mex
wine sea"
A beautiful girl, who has acquired fame
and money as singer, in England, was
recently acknowledged by lord as his
daughter. He offered her his protection
and name, which she rejected. Her
friends interceded, but she replied, "NIy
father refused to recognize me when
was in poverty and obscurity, now that
| am celebrated and rich, | refuse to re-
cognize him. Let us be strangers to each
other"
HIGH AIMING.-A Scottish Reformer,
lately deceased, was so fully impressed
with the idea of always keeping before
youth high standard to aim at, that on
one occasion he delivered himself, at the
hustings, of the following magnificent
sentiment: ''If were chimney-sweep,
and had son, [ would bring him up with
an ambition to sweep out Mount Vesu-
viusp
CLERICAL BoREDoM-Punch SAYS :
"The Able Domenech, in his record of
priestly experience in Texas, describes
how he drove his errant congregation
from his garden into his church, by let
ting wild boar loose into the garden
Our incumbents too often prefer the op-
posite course, and drive their congrega-
tion from the church into the garden, by
letting loose tame bore in the church. !"
"Persevere, persevere," said an old
lady friend of ours to her help, ''it's the
only way you can accomplish great things"
One day eight apple dumplings were sent
down stairs, and they all disappeared
"Sally, where are those dumplings?"
~ managed to get through them ma am"
replied Sally "Why, how on earth did
you manage to eat so many dumplings ?"
"By persevering, ma'am," was the meek
answer.
CATCHING A LAWYER advocate
of provincial town in France was few
days ago waited on bya sausage dealer,
who said:
"Sir | want to consult you If dog
devours sausages placed in my window,
can make his owner pay the damage?"
"Certainly"
'ln that case, please to pay me twelve
francs, for your dog has just eaten sausa-
ges of mine to that extent"
The advocate paid the money. An
hour after, the advocates clerk called on
the sausage dealer, and claimed II francs
SO centines for consultation fee about
sausages; and the tradesman, to his In
tense modification, had to hand over the
sum claimed.
The Rev. DIR. McC-, minister of
Douglass, in Clydesdale, was one day din
ing at large party, where the Hon.
Henry Erskine and some other were law
yers present. A great dish of crosses
being present after dinner, Dr. Nee,
who was cxtravagently fond of vegetables,
helped himself much more largely than
any other person; and as he ate with
his fingers, with peculiar voracity of
manner, Mr.. Erskine was struck with the
idea that he resembled Nebuchadnezzar in
his state of condemnation. Resolved to
give him hit for the apparent grossness
of his taste and manner of eating, the
wit addressed him with, sMr McC-,
ye bring me in mind of the great king
Nebuchaduezzar p and the company
were beginning to litter at the Iudicrous
allusion, when the reverend devourer re-
Piled: Gay, do | mind We O Nebuch-
adnezzar? Thatll be because | am cat
ing among the brutes.'
VALUE OF INGENUITY AND INDUSTRY.
Both the main and the hair snrinos of