Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-03-26
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

| Fact, Fancy and Fun.
Hot weather is very trying to fat
folks.
Why is screech-owl like fiddler?
Because be makes vils lingo (violin
go.)
Punch says the best way of man.
ming the navy is to increase the number
OF 6erths. fr.-bv
Why is Strang's wife like
drowned man? Because she is lStraag-
led. yrsr<< zss~--- -
The man who tried to blast his
neighbor's prospects, used too short =
fuse and got blown up himself.
"A thrifty housewife thiaks men
ought to be useful-they might as well
be smoking hams as smoking cigars.
Our appetites were given to us to
preserve and propagate life. We abuse
them for its destruction. --f.... ..... l.
t Punch gives a whole homily when
it says; "Scandle is visitor who never
calls without bringing her work with
her.
The water that flows from spring
does not CONCEAL In winter. And those
sentiments of friendship which flow from
the heart cannot be frozen in adversely.
AN exchange describing broken
down and worn out horse, says, ''he
looks as if he had been fed at the pull
pit crib, after the Democrats had been
there"
The first petticoat mentioned in his
tory was worn by boy. 1t is record
ed that Samuel's mother ''rnade him
little coat" and Of course it was pet
ty one. a- .ha.
Prentice Is cracking jokes with
Fanny Fern, Fanny having asserted in
the Ledger that s'that the men of the
present day are fast" Prentice re-
plies that "they must be fast to catch
the women"
A modest young lady, just gradu-
ated from certain academy, remark
ed the other day: 81 cannot deceive
how the young gentlemen can drink to
such recess, when they know it is SO
coniurious to their Institution"
-"Taking them one with another"
said the Rev. Sidney Smith, II believe
my congregation TO be the most exem-
plary observers of the reli gious ordi-
nances; for the poor keep ali the fasts,
and the rich all the feasts.''
AN Irishman who had returned
from Italy, where he had been with his
master, was asked, in the kitchen,
"Yea, then, Pat, what is the lava I
hear the master talking about?" "Only
drop Of the crater" was Pats reply.
TO all letters soliciting his subscrip-
ton to anything, Erskine had a regular
form of reply, viz: "Sir, I feel much
honored by your application, and ! beg
to subscribe e''-herc the reader had to
turn over the leaf "myself your obe-'
dient servant" etc. *5
-"Father, want you to buy me a
gun ?"
"a gun, Willie ? What are You go-
ing to do with a gun p -vu-r D..
Little boy-"O, I'm going to fight
Tommy Day; he says Susy Lake likes
/ him better than she does me-
-Blobbs. observing the advertise
ment Of an original letter from the Duke
Of Wellington, writes to know why the
Napoleon Of newspapers can't get an
aboriginal letter from the great warrior,
Tecumseh, as he saws the latter was a
deeper red man Of the two. ..-.
"A lunatic punster was last week
discovered with his feet in mill wheel
in the West. When extricated from
his perilous position and asked how he
came there, he answered with an insane
smile, "that he was trying how it felt
to travel in cog!'
TEMpTAT1oS-An aged Quakeress,
the other afternoon, was seen intently
gazing upon piece of richly cmbroi.
dered satin, displayed in a linen drap-
er's shop infect street. An Irishman,
passing, smiled as he saw the fascina-
ton upon the dame "Ah," said he,
"that's Satin tempting Eve"
! Daddy" said hopeful urchin to
his paternal relative, "why don't our
school-master send the editor OF the
newspaper an account OF the lickings
he gives the boys?'' 80 -r
ssI don't know nv son." replied the
fond parent, ssbut why do you ask such
a question:" 80 80
s.Why, this paper says that Mr.. B.
has tanned three thousand hides at his
establishment during the past year, aud
I know that cid Grimes has tanned our
hides mere than twice that many times
| So H1nxr II ,: