The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-05-18
MIscELLAEEoUs AND NEWS ITEMS.

s| .
Why was the first day Of Adams
life the longosti Because il had no eve.
4 = Shake not the credit Of Others in
endeayoring to establish your own.
Why is il easy 10 break into nm old
mans house! Because his gait is broken,
and bis locks are few.
The latest novelty is dog who has
a whistle growing on the end Of his tail.
He always calls himself when wanted.
- Genius may exist without the pres.
enee Of heart but il is the the temple
without the Shekanah.
"A strange genius, in describing a
lake in Minnesota, says it is so clear, that
by looking into it you can sec them max
ing tea m china. ra s- -rA
Give man brains and riches, and
he is a king; give him brains without
riches, and he is slave; give him riches
without brains, and he is a fool.
There is a man in Boston so polite
chat he begs his own pardon every time
he tumbles down. Being good-natured,
he always grants il. .Ef is
SENTIMENTAL YourH.--" NV dear girl,
will you share my lot for lifef'
PRAcTIcAL GIRL.-" How large is your
lot, sirf" AN
- A lady who called on witty friend
who was not at home, finding the piano
dusty, wrote upon il slattern. The next
day they met, and the lady said, g cal
ed on you yesterday" "Yes; / saw
your card on the piano"
- Brick describes the sensations Of
Rheumatism 10 be akin to those produced
by having half dozen niggers" split
ting wood on your head while dozen
more are making bonfire Of it on your
shoulders.
- AT a recent trial In Wisconsin the
subject of controversy was demijohn Of
whiskey, which was ordered to be bro't
into court. The defendant was tried, and
so was the whiskey--in other words the
the whiskey was drunk, and so was the
jury.
- The late DIR. Chapman, Of PhiIadel-
phia, was walking in the streets, and
bakers cart driven furiously, was about to
run him down. The baker reiDed up sud-
denly, and just in time to spare the doc
tor, who Instantly took off his hat, and
bowing politely exclaimed: aYou're the
best bred man In town. ".
, I ---~el -'rnn eAnr)s nv nu,ss,,a y xa~v
ouly shows that umbrella equilibrium has
been broken. Now, il / lake one from
some one else, that restores the equipoise
There is really mo- umbrella lost; an um-
brella is only lost when it is used up"
The notorious Marchioness de Brin-
vilers, when she was ascending the scat
fold, turned to her friends, and said she
was afraid she had forgotten to mention
in her confession tina. she poisoned her
father. II was a triff ing omission which
she wished to have rectitied
An editor up North, announces in
the following terms, that he has suspend
ed specie payments: "lf any man wants
to see stars, and appreciate one of the
uses to which brickbats may be perverted,
let him approach our vicinity with an nc
count.
p. S.-We keep pile Of bricks in our
sanctum, and carry one in our hat"
AN inquisitiye female visited Boston
jail the other day. She said to one pris-
oner:
"What are you in for!"
For stealing horse
Are you not sorry?"
"Yes."
Won't you try and do better the next
time"
"Yes, I'll steal two!"
Es- In view Of new comet and the
new moon, "poct" writes:
The moon was sitting on cloud,
Full fledged in golden light,
A Matching out the little stars,
The chickens of the night.
But out Of all that brilliant brood,
Produced by Luna, pale,
There was but one poor little chick,
That could produce tail.
A colored firm in Newark. N l.