Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-03-18
WIT AND HUMOEs.
GRANTING A REQUEST.

Oh, spare me, dear angel, one lock OF your hair !!
A bashful young lover took courage and sighed.
"'Twsre q sin to refuse you 80 modest prayer,
So take my phoe aoig," the sweet creature replied
.w A man in the Detroit jail wishes he
had the small pox SO he can breakout.
W Whatever the wind may do in the
winter, it cannot be denied that in the
Spring it turns over new leaf.
az A country editor wrote that co.
temporary had taken damsel s'for better
or for worse. His compositor had it ssfor
butter and rice"
SHOCKING DRsTITUrIoN.-.'Father said
an ambitious youngster, about the size of a
pepper box-"f can do without shoes, but
am suffering for bosom pin,"
~. Cuffee, why don't you kick that dogl''
"What am de use Of kicking every cul
that snarls at youa DON'T you know dat
am de berry way he wants you to bring him
into notice."
tN@ Mr.. Pullen coming home late 'pretty
full" finds the walk slippery, AMI exclaims
''V-ver very singular; whenever water
freezes, it allus fir freezes with the sl-slippe-
ry side up, dem'd sing'lar.''
w GLOW do you like my new turn.
out,'' said an ex-ofice holder, calling atten-
ton to his fine equpage. Better, no doubt,
than you liked the one the Government
lately gave you," replied an acquaintance
GY"Ladies and gentleman" said a
Snowman, s'here you have magnificent
painting of Daniel in the lions dem Dan
lei can easily be distinguish. ed from the lions
hr the green cotton umbrella under his arm .
" We have all heard of asking for brea d
and receiving stone, S". gentleman may
be considered as still worse u~.ted when
he asks a young lady's hand and gets Ia.
fathers foot.
nabDr. johnson once dined with Scot
fish lady who had hotch for dinner. AT.
ter the doctor had tasted it, she asked him
if it was good? 'Itis good for hogs ma'am,'
said the doctor. "Then, pray," said the
lady, ''let me help you to a little MORE"
GO Upon confdng secret to woman,
in order to make her keep it, administer to
her two sticks of sealing one pound
of hot resin and three of Hobbs patent pad.
locks; then shut her up until you want II
to leak out.
sg- An Irishman who had returned
from Italy, where he had been with his IN s.
tel, was asked, in the kitchen, "Yea, then,
Pat, what is the lava hear the master talk
ing about?" SONY drop of the crater" was
Pats reply.
fW To all letters soliciting his subscrip-
ton to anything, Erksine has a regular
form of reply, viz: "Sir, feel myself
mu ch honored by your application, and
beg to subscribe'-here the reader had to
turn over the leaf-s'mysslf your obedien
servant" etc.
~ A popular author gives the follow.
ing advice to wives
ssshould you find it necessary, as you un-
doubtedly will, many of you, to chastlse
your husbands, you should perform this
affectionate duty with the soft end OF the
broom, not with the handle"
nwM. Chevalier, the French traveller, In
his letters from the United States, says:
ssThere exists q Yankee in Connecticut,
forty years of age, who has never been to
bed of nights for tear some OF his neigh
bors would be upin the morning before him.
And that is the characteristic OF the people
they are all alike"
GTIt is believed that the father OF man
kind never reproached his wife but once for
the unhappy cause Of their expulsion from
Paradise; she bitterly and recklessly re-
Piled
81 don't care A-dam!"
He never again mentioned the subject.
In THE WRONG TRAIN.-Ths Yarmouth
Register tells story about young man
who had taken a seat in one of the cars
which run "dowD east" from Portland,
and who so disguised his fellow passengers
by profaue language that an old deacon OF
the ''free, will persuasion" undertook to lee
ture him upon the vice of swearing.
"You are on the straight road to per-
diton," said the deacon.
The young man drew ticket from his
pocket, and after examining it carefully
said, with look that "beggars descriptions"
"Just my blasted luck bought ticket
for Brunswick -