The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1859-11-30
MISCELLANEOUS.
How the DOct. r. Ma anaxe.

MISCELLANEOUS.
How the Doct"rs Manage.
Stopping in the Buckeye State at the
present season of the year, it is impossible
to avoid the thousand and one aspirants to
political immortality who are ''stumping it"
on their own book. was listener few
days since to Democatic speech, given in
this section, and make bold to give you an
anecdote related by the orator (void of its
application to the people or party). The
principle embodied professedly, is an old
one. | think the story is new
There was once an old gent who was
troubled with cancer. At least he thought
it was such, and knew nothing contradicto-
ry. Like all "weak-minded' men he had
implicit faith in professional Assurances
His family physician said it was a cancer;
of course, threfore, it was. He had been
under the doctors treatment now some SIX
teen ycars-in which time Esculapius, from
tn proceeds Of the sore, had supported his
mily-raiscd his eldest son-given him a
thorough education, and finally sent him to
| college. The cancer was the source Of much
pain to the old gentleman aforesaid, and had
been pronounced incurable, although the doc
tor assured him by poulticing, lancng and
blistering, under his treatment, it might not
interfere with the extreme promulgation of
his life.
One day the doctors boy happened to
visit his fathers patient. and had hardly en-
tered the before the old gentleman began to
rehearSe his woes--and, of course, broach-
ed the subject OF the terrible cancer. Final
ly, the young quack said to him:
MIR. Z. suppose you let me look at your
arm. would like to see the ulcer which
the old man talks so much about"
The afflicted gent willingly rolled up his
| sleeve, and the young man carefully and mi
nutely examined the sore Turning to the
other, said he:
"Well, sir, | can cure that cancer"
"You can?''
81 can, SIR" replied the doctor, confident
ly.
| The old gentleman reflected moment,
and then told him:
Impossible! impossible! it can't be
cured. Your father has been at it these
twenty years, and finds that it's no USE
We can only keep it stinted to its present
growth, and not make the thing worse by
us.less attempts to better it,"
w IA Sou oiio" AiS u IL, NIL ~.
OF course he had no objection to his try
ing it, provided no harm was done.
And what will you give me if extract
the cancer?"
"Five hundred dollars"
"Agreed."
The old man was strangely credulous-
The boy was in earnest, and went immedi-
ately to work. Strengthening out the arm,
he tore off the poultice of his father, and
commenced operations. Gently lifting up
the putrescent flesh, and feeling about with
sharp pointed instrument, he at last dis
covered something resembling the black
head of worm. Applying his pincers, he
carefully drew the mysterious stamen out,
which proved to be nothing more nor less
than large slirsr- nearly as long as man S
dngsr! g'g, i, ,.;.
fore the sufferer, 'is your cancer! In three
days your arm will be as strong as mine. v
The old man was astonished. He could
not believe that that was the cause of all
his anxiety and expense for score of years
That night passed and he experienced little
or no pain. The next came, and he slept
the soundest he had done for sixteen year.
On the third day he was out chopping-
his arm completely well and as timber as a
rag.
During this transaction the senior doctor
was absent from home, and knew nothing
about it. On his return, the son met hin
at the door, with quaint smile on his phiz
and plump five hundred dollars in hi
pocket.
! Dad" said he, "do you think that tina
thing on neighbor C's arm is q canccr?'
"To be sure do, sir. Why do you ash
"Well, I've been over to sec the cancer
father, and do you want to know what
think of it!' ..r n
You're an impudent fellow, John," ejac
ulated the old man, with puzzled look.
81 Think" said John, "that that cance
is Just no cancer at all. And what's more
| know it. Why, sir, pulled silver ou
of that mans arm as long as your face,
and he showed the trophy with look o
triumph.
You should have seen the expression o
the doctors face. Paregoric and "rot-gut'
combined couldn't produce "worser."
young man." thundered he, 'you hav
ruined me. I hare heed and supported (
tamily on that a'rer sixteen years!"
} How TO Enjoy Kiss.