Red Wing sentinel., 1859-08-06
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Artemus Ward,'' who has become
quite "as famous as his brother show
man, Barnuin, has been induIging in "a
Fourth of July orat,on, which he sends
to the Cleveland Roindealer, the
channel through which all his produc-
tions reach the world for publication.
He introduces it with the following
laeonic note to the editors: Z s{,f
SUEs:- send herewith a swine
opsis of the skcdyule of my orashun
on the 4th of July, at Wcthersfeld,
Pleas correct the spellin & punktoo-
ate it in proper stilc. l spoke 2 hours
Il was ninety six ,ninits passin given
pint. There was between two hum
drcd persons present, who with open
mouths and closed eyes, listened to
me with strick attcnshun. A. W."
The orashun itself is a perfect gem,
and one of the best things that carte
mus has yet gotten of. We subioi,l
an extract or two. After the usual
apostrophe to the Goddess of Liberty,
he says: trflr ar. a. -
-" hain't time to notis the groth OF
Ameriky from the time when the May
flowers cum over III the Pilgrim and
browt Plymutl Rock with them, but
every skool boy nose our karecr has
Ben trcmenjis. You will cxkusc, me
ct | don't praise the crly settlers OF
the Kolonies. Pcplc which hung idi-
otto old wimin fur wich:s, burnt holes
in Quakers' tungs, and consigned their
teller to the trcdmill and 'pillcry on
the slitest provocashun, may have bin
very nice folks in their way, but
] 1confess don't admire their stile and
will drop them all. l spose they mcnt
we'll, and so in the novel and tctchin
langwidgc of the nnscpapers, 'pcas to
their ashis.' Thare was no diskount.
however, on them brave men who fit,
blcd and died in the American Rcvo-
lushun. We needn't be afraid of SET
tin them up two steep. Like my Sho,
they will stand a hecp of prase.
g see much two admire in New
Englan. Your gals in pertickler air
abowt as snug bilt peaccs of Calikcr as
| ever saw They air fully equal to the
corn fed gals Of Ohio and Injianny
and will make the bcstest kind Of wives
1t sets my bussum on fire two look at
lem. i. -. r.''@.i.~ =
l Be still, my sole, B still, s...
y ~ q you, Hart stop cuttin up
which atfecktin lines is either from
the pen of Gov'nor Morrill,, of Maine,
Or DR.. Watts, I disremember which.
| like your skool houses, your meetin
houses, your enterprise, gumpshun,
&so forth, but your f::vrit Bevridge j
dcspiSc. l allood two New Englan
rum. 1t is wus nor the kind of whisky
of Injianny, which etes threw stun
Jugs d will uln@ the stummack of the
most shiftlis Hog. seldom seek con.
serlashun in the tioin Bole, but tother
day wurried down sum Of your rum.
The fust glass induced me to swair
like an intariated trooper. On takin
the seckund gla>s was seezed with a
|desire to brake winders, e arter imbi-
bin thurd glass knockt a small boy
down, pickt his pockit of New York
I Ledger, and wildly commenct rcadin
of Sylvanus Kobb's last Tail. Iveri-
ly doc believe that eff ide histid in an.
other glass, I shood have bin desperit
enuff to attack the Mount Vernon pa
pers. .. ., - r.
Its drefful stuff-aa ! sort 81 Of lickwid
litenin got up under the personal su-
pervishun Of the devil-tcars mems
inards all to peaces, and makes thare
noses bloss1m sas hesLobster. Shun
it as you wood a wild hyenny with a
fire brand tide to his>tale, ,;& while you
lair abowt it, you will doc fi,st rate
thing fur yourself and everybody
Iabowt you by shun,in all kinds of in
toxicatin lickers. You don't need
'em no mor'cn a cat needs 2 tales
sayin nothin abowt the ,trubble and
sutferin they cawse. But unless your
innards are cast iron AVOID New Eng.
lan's tavorit Bevrige. My trends line
dun. 1 tear myself away from you
with tears in my eyes & plesunt olor
lot Qnyuns; abewt by close. In the
|langwidge Of Mister Catherine to the
Ramnns, J, g. bat prehaps I shall kun
back agaih. = Ataoo; pepfeS of W cth:
ers6eld. BE virtoous & you'll b hap.
py! 80 ''22: 80