The penny press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1859-1860, 1859-09-21
HUMOROUS.

SsnA wise saw is the saw, all the teeth
OF which are wisdom teeth ,,.I
Gr DoctOr--"John, did Mira Green get
the medicine ! ordered q
Druggists Clerk-T guess so, for I saw
Grape on the door this morning"
ges Husband, rMTfg, have some
change to-day" "Well, stay at home
and take care Of the children that will
be change enough anyhow"
MrA popular writer avs il ia not the
drinking, but the getting sober, that is so
terrible in drunkards life. Some Der.
sons never get sober. f.'r..,
pa-"sOnny, dear" said q fond mother,
"you have a dirty face. Cant help it,
n, naan, dads Black,Republic,,n, you
MS."Do you like boards, Melia :" said
Arahella. "Weli, / don't know, Bell"
replied Amelia; "it's funny ou estion.
but must say a beard does mako splen.
did sauce to kiss"
&rAn ark is Pow being built by Il
man at Shields, in ,antio ipation of tho
hsAt nood.of .ears, she'd by his wife
when he refuses to buy her q new gown.
He thinks hs can weather the storm. =
M-''s' m, did you SEQ Mr.. Jenkins,
sne new overseer2' r"Yes, massa, | met
MIN 40 wn by the cotton-gin" Hes a
good looking fellow, isn't heT well
mas sa, he talks like agood-looking man
hs made bow, dats all he sale"
sTA runaway thief having applied to
blacksmith for work, the latter showed
some handouts, and desired to know il
he made such kind of work. "Why yes,
sir" said the fellow, scratching his pate,
"guess I've had hand in en-"
D&-Next to the wonder how the milk
got into the cocoanut cane George tho
Thirds marvel how the apple got into tn Q
dumpling This has been succeeded by
the question why white ashes should
come from coal, when coal 10 50 deQoed
black2
D@An Irish housemaid, who was Sc T..
to call gentleman to dinner, found hi IN
engaged in using a toothbrush. "Well
Mary, is he coming p said the lady Of the
house, as the servant returned. "Yee
nam, directly was the laconic reply,
hes sharpening his teeth"
p0-A fellow was arrested for stealing
ducks, and after description of them,
the counsel for the prisoner said, "Why,
they can't be such rare breed, for have
some of them in my own yard" every
likely" said the complainant; ~ have
lost good many ducks lately"
p3~Ata late public meeting the fol
lowing dry" toast was given, the author
ofwhich got "bustered" when lie reached
home:
'The Press, the pit and Pstticoats--
the three Ruling Powers of the day. The
frstspreads knowledge, the second spreads
morals, and the astepreads onsiderably.' u
baron certain occasion, when Charles
ii was dining in state, he made Gram
mont the remark that no WAC served upor
the knee, token Of respect not common
at other courts. II thank your Majesty
for the explanation, answered Grammont
II thought they were begging pardon fol
giving you 30 bad dinner"
B1."There is no humbug about these
sardines," said Brown, as he helped him
self to Il third plateful from newly
opened box; 'they are the genuine arti
Gle, and came all the way from the
Mediterranean
Eyes" replied his economical wife
land if you would only control Jour appe
tte a little, they will 90 great des
further"
Brown didn't ask for any more.
GSrA man praising porter, said it wal
80 excellent beverage, that though takel
in great quantities, is always made hin
fat
u have seen the time when it made
you lean"
"When ? I should be glad to know,
said the eulogist.
"Why, no longer since than last night
against the wall
AIA soldier once ventured, in tht
presence of the whole army, to presen
with on air of complaint, to Charles XII
Of Sweden, a piece of bread that wa
black and mouldy, male of barley an
oats, which was the only food they tho
had, and Of which they had not even
suficiency Theking received the brea,
and without the least emotion ate ever
morsel Of it, then coolly said to tt
soldier: ut is not good-but it may
eaten"
M1Twenty OR twenty-five years a:
old Phleg, up in Madison County va
telling his friend Jones consarnin of
fight Phleg had very little edicatio
but Jones was man Of right smart rea
ing. SO Phleg went on tellin', "and
says lie, they fit and ft
And" says Jones, with KNOWN
look, "did they keep fttin p
Old Phlsg drawed himself up, and loo
ing as sour as buttermilk into Jones fac
says he:
"You'recursedprecissa aboutlangwige.
fout then, blast you'll"
@A good story 10 told Of an Iri
Ostler, who was sent to the stable
bring out travellers horse. Not kno
ing whic! Of the two strange horses
the stable belonged to the traveller, a
Wishing to avoid the appearance of ig,
rance in his business, he saddled bC
animals and brought them to the do