Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1859-11-18
Going Ont West.


A writer, gives these answers to some quer-
les about yoing West:
The first question comes from Cambridge
port, Mass, and reads as follows:
(Which is the best time for going out West
the spring or autumn"
The best time for going out West, is when
you have got the most money about you, and
the least fear of losing it. If you come in
the spring you are sure to shake yourself to
death with the ague before fall. Ii you
come in the fall, you may live till spring, if
you don't freeze to death before you get here.
Ii you come ut all, you had better get your
stomach lined with waterproof cement, so
as TO digest corn bread, bacon and whiskey;
for that is all We have to eat, except few
French hogs and bilious-looking tadpoles,
which we catch when the river runs down.
I'd. What part of the West is the best to
emgrate to, taking in consideration the
healthness of the cimate?"
\ variety of opinions about that, my dear
fellow Our Senator, Mr. Douglas, says
that Nebraska is best. So it is. if you want
10 20 into the stock business, raising an un-
ruly kind of mixed culored cattle, that will
stray off To Canada III spite of the Compro-
mise OF 1880 or 1856, or OF Senator Douglas
II you want TO speculate in papooses, white
scalps, and get your own sea- p taken Oft
scientifically, 20 to Nebraska by all means.
You can play poker for living, liveon corn
bread aud bacon week days, and slippery
elm bark on Sundays, come to Illinois. If
you want to 80 where they have no Sundays,
nor anything TO eat, only that they brought
from the East, 20 to Iowa; or if you want To
90 to grass on all tours, or do as other kind
Of cattle do, 20 to Salt Lake.
If you want to 90 where they receive the
mails annually, where they live on wild
cranberries crumblei III water from the Mis-
sissirpi river,-where three wigwam- make
u city, and paper Of pins and a bar Of Yam
kee soap merchant, 20 to Minnesota.
3D.. Does the fever and ague prevail much
in Wisconsin,"
OF course it does. Nobody out west is
fool enough to ask such a question. Every
body shakes; even the trees shake; you can t
coax crab apple to stay on when it is good
for anything; it will shake man out Of bed,
and kick him out Of doors.
18th. 'llow does "a presumption hold good?'
That depends on circumstances. Ii you
have good rifle, and know how to use ii,
you have Il chance in ten to live till you
starve to death. But if you can't stand fire,
and are not good shot and quick one, take
my word for it, you had better tarry in Jeri-
cho until your beard be grown; they are all
too shy for you in these woods.
9TH. is land TO be had in the North part
Of Ohio for Sl.25 per acre, and is it good!''
That's all fudge, got up by Spectators to
] gull some greenhorn like you or me, for. to
the best of my knowledge and belief, Ohio
was worn out ten years ago. The whole
business of the railroads. in warm weather is
to carry back folks who have been Vest
| All the railroads have been doing this win
ter is carrying dirt out of ONO into Michi-
| gan to raise few beans and oats to keep the
/ folks from starving to death next summer.
/ As to the land in the northwest OF Ohio, it
| is Is inches under water most of the year
and will probably be worth Sl.25 per acre,
when water snakes and copper heads bring
as much per barrel i'll the New York market
! as potatoes are worth per bushel in Alton.
| And lastly, he wants reliable information
"a short article in your paper on the sub
Iceland he wants to get u healthy location,
decent land, and fair water.
Exactly. Why, my dear sir there is no
such thing as reliable information out West,
unless you give him FIVE hundred dollars,
and then you cant believe half he says.
a witness won't tell the truth in court
unless you first snare him to death, and make
him swear he won't lie, and then neither
himself nor nobody else knows whether he
tells the truth Or not
As for fair water, we have none il is all a
bilious compound Of liquid mud, dead buffa-
| Ices, fish and rotton rattle-snakes.
Our common drink, when we can't get
whiskey is one-third Coffee one-third prairie
mud, and the other third tobacco juice.
l pom the whole, if you have good water,
and can get enough to eat, stay where you
are Western Paper.