Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1859-03-17

plete without one, SO they set heartily to
work, and dug great wide ditch, and
filled it with water which, in process
of time, became partially filled with all
sorts of muck, and rendered for the time
quite useless. Their descendants being
men Of simple minds, mistook the canal
for street, and forthwith called it "Main
Street. and from that day to this, it has
retained the name Of street, the proper
ties OF canal, without the fish
Some few years after the division OF
building lots among our early predeces-
sors, Freehold rose out Of the bushes as
snug a village as you can well imagine.
Its pretty white cottages, the great
spreading oaks, the tri colosed dresses oil
children, and jingling Dutch COW bells,
had social rustic effect.
must introduce to the reader, sim
gular being, known among the villagers,
as /" Wilhelm Kemp, the gossip He was
an odd character, with an elastic india.
rubber countenance and conscience, and
strange staring google eyes. He was, il
you please, the first verbal editor in Free.
hold. Lounging about. all over town,
from workshop to workshop he gathered
up every description Of gossip, and dealt
it out in lesser quantities, at every old
woman's back door in the place. His
eyes, were the most restless orbs you ever
saw, and his thin lips trembled like aspen
leaves with the latest news. When you
talked to him aboutsone matter of inter
est, he literally swallowed you, bones
brains, body and all, and spewed you un
on every back door stoop in the town
and though nc was eourted by every body
he was mutually hated by everybody.
One day, the town was alarmed by fear.
full cries, and the people looking out, saw
" Kemp, the gossip" running for his very
life, closely followed by Mrs. Comrounce
with a brandishing broomstick in her
hand which she applied with terrific en-
ergy, over the unprotected head and
shoulders Of poor Kemp, SO that he fairly
yelled with the headache, and pain in his
back. The little woman, SO says tradi
ton, looked as fierce as an enraged tt.
gross, and like all gentle women, she pos
sessed no such virtue as mercy when once
excited, and Kemp to hide himself from
dishonor, and the rigid discipline of the
little tyrant of the field, plunged headlong
into the canal, opposite where the Bank
now stands, and which at that time, was
called "IIell Gate Slough"
1t was in vain, that the eager villagers
gathered around the fatal spot, with hoes,
forks and grapples, wherewith to catch
the unfortunate body of Kemp; he had
splurged moment, then sunk, alas Il
forever.
The immediate cause of his untimely
end is traceable, LIST, to the broomstick in
the hands of Mrs. Comrounce; End, to the
gossiping lips of the defunct. AS was his
wont, he had it seems, circulated report
highly detrimental to the housewifery
qualities of Mrs. G. Substantially the
report ran as follows Mrs. Comrounce
she is no goot; she sleeps in her bonnet,
I'm her her hair grows through it, am she
boiis her old stockings IN mat de cabbage
she is no goot.
This was the fatal charge of Kemp the
gossip. He had told it to the blacksmiths,
and they had rang it out with glee from
their anyils. He had told it to the shoe
makers. and they bristled up, waxed then.
threads, and pulled out on it. He had
told it to the topers, and they swallowed
the dose with an approving nod, until its
echo filled the air, and reached the ears
of Mrs. Comrounce. And now we gossip
ers, borrow hint from this little affair,
take it home my dears, to yourselves, as
l shall to myself. Whenever l see two
females leaning over back garden fence,
and see hands fly up, | think Of He'll
Gate Slough, and getting my fingers into
my ears, hasten away. Whenever I see
gossiping ladies, tossing and nodding
their beautiful heads, signing say alas
He'll Gate Slough! And often as / pass
near the silent grave Of Kemp, and see
the vendors of idle scandal, and pleasant
gossip, running to and fro, clasping their
rich cargoes of arsenic, strychnine, and
doses prescribed by the Devil, l wish, in
my heart, that He'll Gate Slough would
cast forth the frothy green bones, of poor
" Wilhelm Kemp the gossip" to blanche
their cheeks, and check their onward
course TO terrible ruin
This is all we can say this week
There is spacious column we hope to
Gil with our next. containing an account
of the old Court House, &c.