Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1859-04-05
LAyENDER'S G.DAY.
An Utterly improbable Story.

Very well then. yGu can go"
And William left the room.
Mr. Lavender threw himself on Ia a sofa (the
reader has doubtless observed that heroes al
ways throw themselves on To sofas and into
beds. instead Of lying down quietly like other
people, Then after n moments repose be
got up and looked at himself in the glass moi
sdmIringly, but inquiringly. for instead OF
being vain. he was rather mistrustful Of hi:
personal appearance.
William -
William re-appeared
Did you order the bOots?"
Yes, sir
t." You didn't forget the patent feathers? ?''
mo, sir
" Nor the kid boots?.'
- No, sir
Did you tell the bOot-maker that the patent
feathers were to be As polished as the highest
steel In fact that they were to be like black
looking-glsss ?"
= told him that everything was to be per-
E And what did he say ?''
He said you should have the boots to-mor-
row evening
But did he say nothing else ,''
No, cir.
w hen you told him that wanted so MANY
pairs of patent leather boots, and So many pairs
OF light calf boots, did he not say, why, Will
liam ihInk your master must be going to get
No, sir, he said nothing"
Mr. Law ender was silent but he had prom
iced to dine that day at the house of his future
tather-In-law, and it was now time to dress for
dinner.
William. my dress clothes - he exclaimed.
The man produced suit of the approved fu-
neral hue, and in less than an hour and half.
Mr.. Lavender was attired in gorgeous ar
ray OF plain black. He surveyed himself in
the glass, first cOmplacently, then critically
and, finally, with look of anything bu: appro-
baton.
'.william :"
Yes, sr."
do l look like an undertaken ~
"A little, sir
DO you think a man who is on the point of
getting married ought to look as if he were going
10 a burial -
1t does seem strange, sir
Which is the most becoming. a white erayat
black one
Well, sir, some gentlemen prefers one and
some the other
Give me out a white waistcoat. Do people
wear white waistcOats now, William ~
Not much, sir unless they're walters l
wouldn like to be seen wearin' Of one myself
The oyster shops is so full of them and that 9
Just where il is
ou mean to say that if wear a white
waisteOat, shall look like waiter at an oys-
ter shop, and if black one, like an underta-
kerr
Williams silence seemed to imply consent.
But what am I to do, can't 90 out to
dinner dressed up like Mr.. Wright of the AdeI-
Phla, IN green coat, blue trousers and vel
low walsteOast- You don't know what YOU are
talking about William. = Then in a stentori-
an voice and with stamp on the ground, he
exclaimed
Give me my diamond studs"
William Obeyed his masters mandate with
alaerlty. for many of the shops were now shut,
the carriages were rolling past in the direction
Ot the opera. and the congregation were Just
coming away from the Wednesday evening ser
vices at the fashionable chapel. 1t was evil
dent that the dinner hour was at hand
Two months before the period at which the
above conversation took place between Mr.
Lavender and his servant, the former after
due reflection, had come TO the conclusion that
he ought not to remain bachelor any longer
= W hat have been until row ," be said to
himself. " Have L understood the meaning
and full significance of life No; | have missed
II entirely. l have not understood anything
W hat wre;ched career my bachelors life has
beenl What Importance haveI Il What have
1 ever done / have eaten, and slept and
walked, and slept again-in a word, have been
the most empty, commonplace person that can
be imagined. And now. for the first time.
see plainly how stupid all persons are who are
not married. And yet, when you consider
what number of persons there are in that Do
sitiOn, Ii L were despot, l think I should
issue an edict compelling every one To get mar
red would not have n single bachelor in
all my dOminiou>
Mr. Lavendcrs prnie,t of universal and COM
pulsOry matrimOny life great many theories
and systems of far higher Importance had its
real origin in one striking fact. fash of
lightning may be said TO have led to the Refor-
nation: the fall Of an apple to NewtOn's theory
II grayltatIon; and, In the same way, the sight
# Miss Flathers in blue wreath and a low
neeked dress had turned the thoughts of Mr.
Lavender towards love, and thence, by a natu-
raj and praiseworthy train of reasoning to
marriage.
" Unjust distinguish myself in her presence, "
Thought Mr. Lavender. aS he placed his hand on
the left side Of his waistcoat in order if possible
"a stay the palpitatiOn Of his heart. :. 1 must
distinguish myself in her presence and at this
very ball; and she will then hear with pride
that have asked her venerable father for her
hand. And thereupon Mr.. Lavender asked
II he might have the honor Of dancing with
Miss Fathers, but unfortunately Miss Fathers
was engaged.
Never mind, p" whispered Mr. Lavender to
himself " will dance ris-a-rIs to her. and
she will see that am always thinking of her.
Its much better than being her partner, for
then she would have taken my attentions as a
matter Of course"
Mr.. Lavender went up to the lady Of the
house, and requested her to introduce him to a
partner, when he was duly presented to one of
the ugliest women in the room. Of course. the
- rather plain young lady wore the most glar-
ing eOlors, and Mr.. Lavender could not help
contrasting her vulgar form with the sylph-like
figure of Juliana Fathers.
In the course of the quadrille, Mr. Lavender
certainly did distinguish himself in various
ways. First of all he trod on the plain young
lady's toes, then he tore a Quantity of tMIis
from her dress. Still he stared perpetuslly at
his rIS-G-rIS. instead of paying some sort OF
attention 10 his partner, which was the more
necessary from the fact that that lady moved
about the room with all the massiyeness and
and uncertainty of u blind elephant. Finally,
there was q collision between the opposite cou-
pies and Miss Fathers partner felt called
upon 10 demonstrate with Mr.. Lavender on the
sIrangeness Of his conduct.
The gentleman who had the honor IF dancing
with Miss Fathers one SignOr Cav, l.in an
Italian, who, after half running himself in hi.
own country by accepting the management Of
an opera house. appeared TO have come TO Eng
land to complete the destruction Of his fortune