The Van Buren press., 1859-11-11
The Virtue Of Horse Oil.

Horse traders are noted for their love of
fun. When they get good one on fel-
low drover, they pass it around freely Snch
an one happened At the Fifth Street stables
the other day, and the subject who became
victim BY his own carelessness, is DOOM
ed not to hear the last Of it for some time
to come. It seems that Lew-has part
ner in the business who goes up into the
country and buys the raw material. Lewis
duties consist in finishing up the country
horse. and then disposing of him. Sever
al days ago Lewis partner arrived with q
drove. all of which were in apple-pie order
except one, and horses being in demand all
were disposed of except the injured ami
NAL. He was effected with lameness.
I'll take care of him." said Lew. "My
essential oil will take the lameness out of
him in jiffey."
That evening Lew removed the horse to
another stable. examined the lame leg,
opened his bottle of never failing Essential
Oil, and for an hour or more bathed and
rubbed the injured limb.
There" said he, after he was through,
" that will cure him. Tomorrow he will
be sound and bright as dollar
The next morning, the first thing Lew
did was to look after his patient. He took
the animal out of the stable, and to his
great delight, and the ostlers, found him
- as sound as a dollar" He Immediately
commenced cxtolling the virtues of his Es-
sentiaf Oil, and grew SO warm in its praise
that he vowed it would cure all ailments
that ever afflicted hOrse-aesh. While he
was thus engaged, another drover entered
the stable, and walking up to Lew and the
horse. asked in no pleasant mood
What in thunder are you doing with
my horse go
"Your horse 90
al have been looking for him all night
l dor't like such practical jokes, SIR
"Jokes! What in the deuce do you
mean 90
Why, that you have my horse, sir.'
Your horse That animal was brought
in by my partner, yesterday, and have had
him here, curing his lameness"
"Lameness !" exclaimed the angry own
er. 80 Your thin footed beast is still at the
other stable, and you hare been rubJiny your
sinking oil on my horse, ,rho ,cas nerer lame
a day in has life"
Such appeared to be the case Lew had
mistaken the horse, and had been applying
his Imminent to an animal " as sound as a
dollar. Since he discovered his error he
has not been SO enthusiastic over the vir-
tues of his Essential Oil.
A BRIDGE CRAckISG.-On the Cincinna-
ii and Dayton Railroad, the other day, a
lady and gentleman were seated together,
and facing them on the opposite seat sat
two gentlemen, editors of two German pa
pers. When near Dayton the train passed
through long, dark bridge. Amid the
laundering and rattling of the cars, a very
suspicious conclusion was heard by those
nearest the lady and gentleman alluded to
As they emerged into the daylight, one oi
the German editors drew his spectacles
down over his nose and dexclaimed-" Veil
tink dat isha tam bad bridge, IAear hin
crack one, tsro, three, four times
OMTTISG TOO MUcH.-A green. good
natured, money-making. up country fellow,
who said every thing drily, "got things
fixed" and struck up Bargain for matri-
mony. Having no particular regard fol
appearances, the parties agreed to employ a
not over wise country justice to put on the
tackling. He commenced the ceremonies
by remarking that it was customary on such
occasions, to commence with q prayer, but
he believed he would omit that After
tying the knot, he said " it was customary
to give the married couple some advice. but
he believed he would omit that also" The
ceremony being ended, the bridegroom took
the justice by the button hole, and clapping
his finger on his nose, said
Squire, It's customary to give the mag
istrate five dollars, 6ut I6eliere I srW omi,
that"
FLORA McFLINsEY.-A New York edit.
or having charged the ladies of that city with
being overdressed, Flora McFlimsey has
written him an epistle, in which she declares
that she herself is undressed, instead of be-
ing overdressed she says that in her ball.
dress-which is the costliest woman car
wear-she does not wear clothes enough to
keep her warm, to say nothing of what pro-
priety and deoency require that there is not
a beggar who goes into the street with less
clothes on than she wears in a ballroom,
and that her arms, bust, shoulders and neck
are all just as bare as they were when she
first came into the world. In fact, it seems
that Flora has ' Nothing to Wear" and
that she wears " next to nothing"
~ Scene-(grocery store. lady purcha-
sing Goldfish. young limb of the law
standing near.
Lady-Do you like Goldfish balls, Mr.. II
Mr.. H.. hesitatingly-I really don't