davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

SENSIBLE TALK.-The Lancaster penn.
ErpreSa-Mr Buchanan's home organ-has
the following very sensible remarks upon
the recent State election.
This would seem to settle the question
and satisfy all rejecting men, that the an
ii Lecompton men hold the balance Of pow
er in the State. Ii, therefore. the people
party can construct a platform broad
enough TO hold this vote, they can carry
auy man they nominate for President next
summer On the contrary, should the
Charleston convention nominate man on
whom both Democratic factions can har-
monize. the November election in 1860 will
tell a different tale from wha, the one just
over has told.
That is exactly the case Let US have a
candidate who will keep the command
ments of the Cincinnati platform in their
spirit as we'll as their letter and he can be
elected Had Mr.. Buchanan done that in
1857. there would be Go Republican party
in 1859.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

IT is always best to play to win if you do
play. The sporting men in Rochester, \.
V, think so, and take the necessary pre-
cautions Upon some thieves arrested i'll
that city recently, were found two packs
of playing cards, accompanied by the fol
lowing directions The first is printed
slip, apparently sent by the manufacturers
of the cards to the blackleg purchasers
1t reads thus
For SlzE--Place the four Aces, Kings
Queens, &c, together Look at the place
marked Size, on the sample card sent
with this you will observe that there is a
variation in each figure, commencing with
the Ace, and so on down to the Deuce
EB-When learnt, each card can be told
as we'll by the back as the face"
Another piece of paper containing addi
tional directions, reads as follows
"These are marked on the Spread prin
ciple. There is wider space between the
Bars at the place marked for the Aces
at 3 for Kings, at for Queens, at TO
Jacks, &c, 3c., down to the spots
Learn well before playing.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

4 lioEsE FooT-The foot of a horse i
one of the most ingenious aud singular
pieces of mechanism in the animal struc-
ture, and scarcely yielding 10 any in regu-
laritv and complcxity of parts. and of sim
plicity of design. The hoof contains a Sc
rie- of vertical and thin lamina OF horn. 50
numerous as TO amount to about five hum
dred, and forming a complete lining to 1t
Into this are fitted as many lamina belong
ing to the cotiin-bone. which sets are elias
tic and aihereut. The edge of ii guire of
paper, inserted leaf by leaf into one ano.
ther, will convey a sufficient idea of this
arrangement Thus the weight Of the ami
MAJ is supported by as many elastic springs
as there are lamina in all the feet, amour
ting to about four thousand. distributed
IN the most secure manner, since every
spring is acted upon in an oblique dircc-
ton. Such is the contrivance Tor the safe
" of an animal destined IL carry greater
weight than that OF its own body, and to
carry those, also, under the hazard Of heavy
shocks.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29
Georgia Court...A Rich scene.

After a well-known Georgia Solicitor-Ge-
neral had administered the usual oath t.
the grand and petit juries and bailiffs, he
! turned to the presiding Judge and re-
marked:
Sol-May it please your Honor ] do
not remember any form of oath admins
tered to the lobby bailiHs, but by your per
mission, think can frame one that will
be satisfactory to the Court.
| Judge-Proceed, Mr. Solicitor
| Sol-Put your hand on the book -
whereupon a tall, lean, vinegarfaced son of
Anak stepped up and promptly grabbed
the book
Sol-You do solemnly swear, in pre-
sence of this Court and us lawyers, that
you will take your position in the lobby,
and there remain with your eyes skin
ned during the entire session Of this
court That you will not suffer any one to
speak above a low whisper, and if any one
shall dare to do so in presence of your roy
al highness, you will vociferously exclaim,
" Silence in the lobby! and if order is not
Immediately restored, you further swear
that you will, by one ponderous blow OF
your fist, planted between the peppers of
the offender, knock him down. All of
this you will do to the best of your skill
and knowledge
The bailifi took the position assigned
him, and Immediately after the court was
organized Tom Diggers, who looked as
green as young gOurds, walked into the
room wearing broeans No II. and his
hands thrust deep in his pockets, and IN
CURED
Halo, fellows, where in thunder is Jim
Sneliins?
"Silence in the lobby roarcd the en-
RACED official
Brogans-Yo on must be an alfred tar
mel fool; and et ye jist open that bred trap
OF your again, yo.G' nanmy won
know ye.
Nhereuron jim Jarvis, the baiiiii, let fly
the dogs or war, and greeny fell flat on his
back. with his pede>tals at AN angle Of for
" degrees in the air. He grabbed greeny
by the scat Of hi. trowserS. and dragged
him wrong end foremost into the presence
Of his Honor the presiding judge. and
said
Mr., Judge, here's that Internal John
Digsers, that wan never III a court house
afor", and he undertook To run over this
chicken; but cc7,}in 10 nv oath fetched
the tsTnel critter up stooding, hy giving
him a Jerk atween the ewes cordin u law.
and now say the word. and Ill maui the
dogwood juice outer him atore YOU Kin
wlnk Yer ewes t~ice.
Judge-TuIn him loose, Nr Paiiiff, and
accept the thanks OF the Court for the
prompt discharge of your official duty.
Exit Greeny. with eyes a. large a. sau-
cers. -IH5,pei,dt1f SouM
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

IN the winter we are nearest to the sun,
and in summer farthest from it; for the
difference in the season is not occasioned
by the greater orlcss distance of the earth
from the sun. but the more or less oblique
direction OF the suns rays. The length of
the path travelled over by the earth is esti-
mated at 56l ,Ol9,14O miles, and. as this
immense distance is passed over in a year,
the earth must move seventeen miles in a
>econd-a rapidity so far exceeding our
conception, that it gave very just occasion
to the pleasant remark of Lichtenberg,
that. while one man salutes another in the
street he goes many miles bare-headed
without catching cold,
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

The WHEAT CRor.-The New York Cou-
rir and Enquirer of the 10th has the fol-
lowing:
There appears to be marked difference
in the production of wheat in the various
States this year. Throughout almost all
the whole country the wheat looked un-
commonly well before harvest, but upon
finding the actual yield after threshing, a
difference i'll some cases of fifty and seven
ty-ive per cent was in the yield of fields,
giving the same promise. In parts of Iii
nois, the wheat, after being threshed did
not average more than eight or ten BUSH
els to the acre, where the farmers had been
expecting twenty bushels. In Ohio, in
partial cases, the same course is observed
But in New York and Western Pennsylva-
nia fields which it was supposed would on
" yield ten to fifteen bushels to the acre,
have yielded from forty to fifty bushels
In no case does there appear to be any
reasonable ground for complaint of the
quality, and in this respect more than the
actual greater yield, is the crop of this
year more valuable than that OF last year.
IN Minnesota, the lasti harvesting of the
wheatgrowing States, no complaint is
made Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio seem to
suffer more from this disappointment after
harvest than other States.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

KossJ-TH ON THE PEACE OF VILLA FRAYCA
-kossuth has written a letter to a friend
in Glasgow, which begins thus:
My Dear Sir: The fatal day of Villa
Franca Frustrated my hopes at a moment
when we had the dciiverancc of my coun-
try within sight--nay. almost within the
rerch of our hand, like ripe fruit raady
TO be plucLed; and here | am again, a
poor exile. as | was four months ago. only
older by ten years FROM the bitter paIgs
of disappointment.
'I say designediiy disappointment and
not deceit OF deceit cannot complain
for took good care to guard my self and
my country against even the possibility of
deceit--hut feel my heart nearly broken
by disappointment, unwarranted by cir
c,mstances, unaccounted and unaccount-
able"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

LADIES ALWAYS "GENTLEMANLY. -GeLe-
rally they are. but once in a while they are
not. The Columbus train was unusually
full from this city 10 Berea. However, ii
gentleman occupied one whole seat to
himself and his wife another To herself
They were Strangers to this part Of the
country, wore good clothes, and apparently
thought they were rather more pumpkins
than other people We're The lady was
young, and had rantalizing crrls In
came pleasant looking lady also Young,
but without tantalizing curls, and COM
Laenced looking for "a seat
l. this seat engaged: she atialiy said
10 the lady with curis
i cslcGl4,e to occupy itmyseli, was the
reply.
i anybody occupying it with you?'
That makes 30 difference intend to
occupy it myself
"WIll you see me stand up2'
on can do a. you please
Well think will sit down
SO saying the pleasant lady sal down.
but, instead of striking the seat : ~. found
herself in the lap of the lady with curls,
who had suddenly moved with the inten-
ton of blocking the pleasant lady out
" Very well, said the latter. "a pleasant a.
a summer morning. 4 am comfortable
enough But the lady was not The
mountain Of consolidated clinoline was IA
ther too much for the narrow space; be-
sides. the pleasant lady was rather heavy
and curls darted angrily out OF the seat
and sWeptiato the next car The pleasant
lady, when she found that she had the
seat all to herself, leaned back and laughed
outright The husband OF curs had
awolle from a nap. and expressed desire
10 whip mebody-didn exactly know
who-tor insulting his wife. bat the pas
seueers laughed him out Of it The plea
SAINT lady said she was i e \ orIi State gal
-tIscsi5i.d F1ao,dsaitr.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

ASEcporE OF BURNs-Burns being in
church one Sunday, and having some diff
Guilty in procuring seat, young lady who
nerceiyd him kindly made room for him
in her own pew. The sermon was on the
penalties pronouncedin in the scriptures upon
sinners, and the preacher quoted several pas
saces to enforce his point while the lady
seemed particularly attentive and some
what agitated. Burns, on perceiving this
wrote with a pencil on leaf of Bible the
following lines:
ssFair maid, you need not take the hint,
Nor idle text pursue
Twas only sinners that he ment- e1I-
Not angels, such - yeu."T sse-- -
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

In the village of W lived a man who
had once been Judge of the county, and
was known all round by the name OF
Judge L. He kept a store and saw
mill. and was always sure to have the best
OF a bargain on his side, by which means
he had gained an ample competency, and
some did not hesitate to call him the big
/ gest rascal in the world lie was very
conoeited withal, and used to delight in
| Dragging of his business capacity when
any one wes near to listen. One rainy
day, as quite a number Were seated around
the stove in the store, hegan usual to
tell Of his great bargains, and finally wound
up with, Nobody never cheated me, nor
they cant neither.
Judge said an old man of the compa-
ny, I've cheated you more than you have
me
How SOP said the Judge
If you'll promise you wont 90 to law
about it, nor do nothin. I'll tell, or else |
won't; you are too much of law charact-
er for me?
Let's lear let's heart cried half doz-
en- voices at once
We'll bear you out in it-go onr
'Ill promise, said the judge, and treat
in the bargain. if you have
We'll, do you remember the wagon you
robbed me out OFF
i never robbed you out of wagon ex-
claimed the Judge; | only got my own
Well, | made up my mind to have 1t
back. and-'
But you never did cried the Judge.
Yes | did, and interest too
How =? hundred the now enraaed
Judge
Well, you SEE. Judge | sold you. one
day, very nice pine log and bargained
with you for lot more. Well. that log
stole off your pile. down by your mill, the
night before and next ddv ] sold ii To you
That nigh, drew il back home. and sold
il to you next day, and 30 kept on until
you bought your own log Of Inc twenty
seven times
That. a lie! cried the mad Judge run
ming 70 his book and examining his log
accounts: You never sold me twenty-seven
logs of the same measurement
i know it, said the vender in logs
BIZ drawing it back and forth the end
wore off. and ~ il wore | kept cutting
the end of, until il was only ten feet Ion =
Just fourteen feet shorter than il was the
fist time YOU bought it aud when it got
50 short. | drew it home and worked ii up
into shingles and the next week you
bought the 5 irgles AMI then concluded
! had got my wagon back-arid III my
pocket book
The exclamation oi the judge was
drowned IN the shouts Of the bysJanders.
and the lug-drawer found the door without
waiting for the promised treat And 10
see mad man. YOU have only to ask the
j udge Il Ee was ever shaved
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

TEE CuXTINFSTAT ISsUslNcZ COMPANY, of
the city Of New York. declared - third
annual dividend Of - pen cent TO policy
holdcr- July lith, l~jl
This Company. with a cash capital of
S50O,ooo, f3leryeral years after il forrna-
ton. diyitai all IL profits to the stock
holders, until the year l>j6. when it
adopted tie feature Of giving policy hold
er. participation in the profits, a.io'siif,
the stockhclders seven per cent. on the ca
pital, and dividing the taltace- oaequar-
ter 10 the sf"ck ckhoideIs and thr-e-qua,ters
tdtne insured
The first year after the adoption Of this
plan. dividend of 55i percent. was made;
the second year ~ per cent. and the
third, the present year, ~ per cent
Scripts for the dividends are issued to
the stockholders and To tf= insured, bear
8 per cent. interest, payable anuually
An accumulation oI SjvH,o0p OF the pro
fits. adci -i,nll to the $4,000 capital j to
be alta ned. as au increased security for the
insured before paying ihe principal Of the
dividend scripts. and out OF the surplus ac-
cruing over that amount the scripts are to
be paid
The accumulation fund has already
reached over S4UJ,Gyp. averaging over
100000 per year since the commencement
of its present system, a. shown by the fol-
lowing statement OF the Company, made
july i4th l~Ja. viz:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

QrFFR CoVPANIoNs-A gentleman in this
city has very large gray squirrel, the
wheel Of whose cage having been broken,
and the family being tired of seeing it in
the room. the cage was placed in an unus-
ed basement Of the house, and his sarlir-
relship provided with food in abundance
On visiting the cage short time ago, q
large rat was found quietly domiciled with
the squirrel, the falling of the wheel hav-
ing permitted free Ingress and egress to the
rat From sharing the squirrels food the
rat had grown so fat that he did not care
to move. The two r02,atS seemed to be-
mutually pleased with each other compa-
NY and they We're not Iiioiestcd -Hduttord
Times oct s.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29
4 Freak of Nature.

Last week Mr. ELIAS PLUME, one of our
citizens, residing near the Mendoza Col
Icgc, commenced digging a well. On
Tuesday last he had dug down twenty-five
feet, and commenced boring with a two
inch auger fixed with a long shank for
that purpose. After boring about ten or
eleven feet, il seemed to strike a cavity fill
ed with coal gas. the bottom Of which the
augcr would not penetrate They coHf-
menccd removing the auger, when the gas
forced itself up beside it, and nearly stran-
gled Mr. Plumb who was near the bottom
of the well. on a ladder. As soon as he
recovered his breath, he shouted to the
man at the windlass to leave the aucer in
the hole" and seized the shank with both
hands, when the pressure below was 50
great that it raised him, auger and all some
four or five feet, when the auger got fast
again in the earth He got out Of the well
IA soon as possible. and had the auger re.
moved. when the gas blew out with such
force that it threw gravel and soil ten or
fifteen feet above the mouth of the we'll
and made q noise similar to the steam es-
Gaping from the escape valve of a large
steamer 1t continued three or four hours,
decreasing gradually in force, some of the
time making noise like water gurgling
from jug When the sound had nearly
ceased. son OF Mr.. Plumb set fire to a
piece Of paper and dropped it into the well
which produced tremendous explosion,
.jarrin@ the ground for II considerable dis
lance around. and the flames burst some
fifteen or twenty feet above the mouth of
the well In the evening they plugged up
the auger hole, and tLcnext morning there
was some sixteen or eirhteen inches of wa
ter above the hole. and on removing the
plug. the "a, forced itself through with a
tremendous, roaring noise, and was set Oh
fire twice with the same result as before,
the flame expiring a. soon as the gas was
consumed near the top of the we'll This
experiment coupled with the reverbera-
tlous which can bc heard below, indicate
ylsSt there i g Reservoir or gasometer,
where the forces of nature generate gas in
large quant.ties-.N,.t Ut. Cieyrcr
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

AT meeting of the Buffalo medical as
sociation, DR.. Storck reported the case OF a
girl, twelve years of age, wEo passed from
the bowels nineteen piis and five needles
in the course Of four days, and who CON
fessed that she had been in the habit OF
swallowing them for about three months, In
order to get sick. so that she might not be
Obliged to leave home and work out
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29
The Six Pleas for a New Dress.

Tittlewinks wants a new dress. and her
/ lord protests. Now observe how she ma
nages She approaches with
/ IHea No. Namely, the Progressive
Plea Oh, how hard She has TO fight
She tells him how she loves him-sm"oths
his hair-calls him a King-asks if he has
the heart to deny her. If le says he has,
she proceeds to
Plea No. Or the Destitute Plea. She
informs him of the fact that She has no.
thing to wear, and says a man l. brute
who will not give his wife something to
wear That she is not fit to be seen.--
/ That people will cry shame on him. In
vain he says that beauty Unadorned Is
adorned the most" She asks him if he
can be so mean as to refuse her. If he
says yes, she proceeds to
Rco No. 3-Or the Poutng Plea. This
consists more of GESTURE than speech She
sits at the table with her little nose turned
up, and her little eyes turned down She
eats little, (till he goes to business,) signs
often, and walks about the house like a
bad tempered ghost She speaks only to
say "s she knew it would be so,' and it
served her just right" Should he dare to
say it did, she proceeds to
IPea No. 4-Dr the Property Plea. She
politely asks him for the little money she
had when she was married Certainly she
can do what she wishes with her own. In
fact, she always pokes this III his ears un-
less she conquers him before she gets to
Plea No. t. Should this fail, she pro-
ceeds to
Ptso NJ 5-Or the Comparative Plea
All her departed lovers are made to pass
before tie unhappy man, and he Is com
pared with them one ty one. !. she had
married Mr.. Snooks T. C. the codchman.
She would have had livery. II she had
married Nr Swizzle she would have lived
IN style on Broadwal. If she lad married
any body but her husband ST. would have
been treated Ike human being. lie.
perhaps, becomes little an gry. and >u.-
gest- that If she had married Adm -h-
would have been dressed like Ey-! But
a she had married him. She must wear
what he can give her This rouse, hor,
and she comes Immediately to
Ii1 y. 6-Gr the Plea Conclusive
which consists of threat 10 GO 10 her mo-
ther. aud many uptraiaiucs that he had
br"'42Lt her away from tAe joys 81 A-r own
home, u abuse and Alal- her miserable.
Nov, 40 man = ev~T apt. Il stand all
the,. pleas. IL generally flll- to No. ].
and only in extreme cases Teacl.r- -. =.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

TTE ArRoEA EoRr4Lrs EXgIAINED-A
scientific gentleman in Illinois thus gives
the sig;n Of this celestial y.saior:
When the m"lofycist.c temperature Of
the morrison : such H. t. coloricise the I'M
pur'eut indgntation of the hemisphere
analogy. the cohesion of the borax curbis-
tu~ becomes ,ircharC"d with iniinitessi-
mails. which are thereby deprived of their
ti-suai ,li-qu>itions Th, effected, rapid
change ! produced in the thoramhumpter
of the gya-ticutis palerium, which causes
convalcultr in the hexagrnal antipathes
of the terTestrium aqua yrruslL The
clouds then become q. mass Of deodorum-'
izrd -p-cul:e o- cermocular light, which
can only be seen when it is visible.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

"DaD, if / was to see a duck on the
wing. and was to shoot it, would you lick
meY' '"Oh, no, my son! 1t shows you
are a good marksman, and | would feel
proud of you.'' "Well, then, dad,
bumped our old drake as he was flying
over the fence to-day, and it would have
done you good to have seen him drop"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

CREnITo.s never annoy man as long IA
he is rerting up. ia the world A man of
wealth only pays his butcher once year.
Let bad luck oycrtaile him, and his meat
bill will come IN every morning rs regular
ae hrea,,f;.st ard hungry children. Agair,
we sax, never plead guilty to poverty. So
far as this world is concerned, YOU might
better admit that you are a scoundIel
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

A GooI. OPERATION Helloo, there capt
ingl' said brother Jonothan to a capt
ain of a canal packet on the Erie Canal,
what do You charge for passage2
Three cents per mile and boarded,
said the captain.
Wal, guess / ! take passage, capt;n,
seeing as how am kinder gin eout walk
ing so far.
Accordingly he got on board just as the
steward was ringing the BELL for dinner
Jonathan sat down and began to demolisn
the fiXins, to the utter CONSERVATION OF
the captain, until he cleared the table OF
all that was eatable, when he got up and
went on deck, picking his teeth very com
fortablg.
How far is it capting from here to
where came aboard 7
Nearly one and half miles said the
captain.
Lets see" said Jonathan, that would
be lust four and Il half cents; but never
mind, capting, | wont be small; here's
five cents, which pays my fare to here;
guess II go ashore now; I'm kinder rest
ed eout.
The captain vamoosed for the cabin,
and Jonathan went ashore The captain
did not take an. more way passengers the
remainder of the summer.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

SENSIBLE ADvIcE-Let all young men,
looking out for wives, follow the counsel
we give below. 1t will save them a world
of trouble If ever you marry" said my
uncle, let it be "A woman who has judg-
ment enough TO superintend the work of
her house; taste enough to dress herself;
pride enough 10 wash herself before break
fast; and sense enough to hold her tongue
when She has nothing to say
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1859-10-29

Ayoung man who had spent a little Of
his own time, and great deal Of his faith
er's money in reading for the bar, was
asked, after his examination, how he got
along - Very we'll, said he Il answered
one question right" "Ah. indeed, said
the old gentleman, and what was that?'
' They asked me what n TG tan action was,
and told them didE know.