Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1859-04-21
THE
THURSDAY MORNING, APRIL 81. 1859.
iCoHNU>IcATEp.
4 COLLEGE FEAST.
CAKR's HILL, March -.

Accept nv most heartfelt thanks for the box,
whose coming had created such a stir i'll Col
lege. and which was So anAiously looked for
by my very kind friends. 1t arrocc safely,
and was deroured. Ito use the laconic express
sion of a friend, whom you doubtless know
1t would lie really unfair in me. after having
described so minutely the anxiety of my
friends in regard to the coming box, not to
give you a description of their Joy upon its
reception, and their action thereupon: though
! must tell you beforehand that | shall be
compelled to make the said description very
brief, and leave your Imagination to work
out the rest, since l make it an invariable
rule to stick closely to .tdcts. However. if |
say anything more by way of introduction,
my letter will be all porch and no house. So
now | begin, promising by the way, how
ever, that give you full liberty to lay this
epistle down, and refresh your mind by Il
little solid reading, and then commence
again. for | never condemn my guests to dine
on syllabub alone.
When | was told that the box had aJT0re
/ said not a word to my numerous friends,
but quietly sent a servant over after dark,
("for fear Of the ders,') and had it brought
TO my room, "unbeknown' to the inhabitants
of the Hill, for reasons suggested 10y the
slight quotation in brackets above. At l.
o'clock, after having finished all my stu
dies, | called in the assistance of = to
spread the cloth. After getting him i'll my
room, and carefully closing the door, | ven
tured to inform him that there was II box,
which, in all probability, contained some
thing 10 eat. Although took the precaution
to break the news to him in this gentle man
ner. the effect on him was astounding; he
stood bolt upright, with his mouth wide open,
his tongue hanging out. his eyes starting
from their sockets, and his hair standing
out at right-angles from his head. | thought
he had the paralysis, or rather the apoplex.y,
and was getting greatly alarmed, when. with
a veil, such as never awakened Cars Hill
before, he sprang upon the box, had the top
of in the %twinkling of an eye, and was about
to commence operations, when | seized him
by the throat, and told him, in a stern, gut
teral tone, to ''come out of that" Seeing
resolution in my eye, he quoted down, and
after calling in a friend to watch h, and
help him to display the eatables, | left
them TO arouse the Hill. Not one of the in
vited declined, whether they were III bed or
out, with the exception of one, whom | imme-
diately pronounced sick. y. Bile was
confined to his bed for a week afterwards.
Soon. about twenty live fellows were collected
in my room, being AZ many as it could hold,
or rather US many as invited.
"Then shook the ham, with pen-knires riven;'
Then rushed the feilors to ectiny driven;"
But no way to J. S. B. WAS given,
"To join the dreadful ~revelry.'
Excuse my slight improvements on the
immortal poet.) | never beheld such rave
nous fellows before in my life! They made
''no bones" whatever of the eatables. One
fellow remarked, after all the lean was gone,
that he was particularly fond of. fat and bocon-
skin, in fact, that he never 0fe team, and then
pitched into tho said parts, and when the
day broke, where were they?" BY way Of
EPISODE, GALL good epics have episodes. will
tell you a thing or two about the individual
above mentioned. His name is, with
red hair, red beard sitting at right-angles
to his face, reddish-yellow eyes, fact, long
and narrow body, and a neck which has cyi'
IDENTIFY set him up In the world. He Is the
best anatured fellow that ever lived; in a word,
Is arperfeet counterpart of his namesake IN
tsyanity Fair" He has one fault, however,
which you have no doubt guessed already,
viz: he is immoderately fond of eating. lie
sits BY me at the table, and gives me no
chance whatever. lie is envied by the whole
Hill. IN. B.-Al good eaters are envied
here. Bless" tdessert) is his delight and
4 .. r. IL knll :, irpa Iay that Il acted
one very unphilosophical principle, viz: that
/ ought to eat the first plate OF "Bess,' anu
eajoy the second. A slow eater never stands
q chance of a second plate OF "Bess mere;
- has never been known to have TALL
ed to come up to time" So much tor him.
During the eating, | witnessed a scene
which amused me somewhat. -, anu an
other fellow, had distracted the remains,
l. 9. the bare carcass of the chicken, and had
retired with it into a corner. and were tug
p cling and pulling at it with all their might
irving to pull it in two. At last it gave way
and I heard one triumphantly exelaim that
he had gotten the biggest piece OF bone; but
- '.hoored' him by saying he had gotten
all the stuting! In less than two minutes
neither were visible. i. e. the bone and stui-
.fng,a and not the fellows, for they were more
SO than ever. g,
But where were the gallant spirits, \. and
p, all this time? Well and nobly did they
sustain their reputation for politeness, never
leaving the table the whole time, and thus
relieving me from a great burden. Seven
times did they charge with undiminished
yiror into the heart Of the enemy, declaring
that they would conquer, or leave their bones
to wniten upon the field of battle. (Sotto
voee-they succeeded i'll doing both, much to
my dismay.)
Probably you would like to know what ! !
was doing all this time. Well, will tell
YOU in a very few words. was spending
the most wretched time | have ever expert,
enced ON this earth. Being the host, had
to play the polite all the time. While was
smiling, and bowling, and scraping, asking
this fellow, to try another piece OF ham,
and that, another piece of chicken &t.'
nv heart sank within me at every bite
each took. And then every fellow was So
o~f6cious in telling me that the ham was q
splendid old one, &c, &c. 1t was really cruel
in them Ito cast it in my teeth in that man-
ner. l had to grin and bear it, however Tor
it is the custom of the host here to wait tll
any of his guests ask him to take a ol.e.
At last, -, seeing me eye HIM IN a very
yoracious manner while he was devourihS