The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1859-12-01
WlTAND WISDOM.

|
p9 What comes next to an oyster p
The shell. A hard case that.
nm- Why is the letter q the gayest of
the alphabet :? Because it's always in
fun.
| RJ Who were the first astrologers p
The stars-because they first studded the
heavens.
rsA The man who was always splitting
| with laughter has been recommended to
| try an axe.
n@- What is the difference between a
blunder and wedding? One is mis-
| take and the other take miss.
na- An architect proposes to build
"Bachelor's Hal" which will differ from
most houses in having no Eces.
sa- The following toast was recently
given: ''The ladics-May we kiss all the
girls we please, and please all the girls We
kiss"
nsa- A doctor detained in court as a
witness, complained to the judge that if
he was kept from his patients they might
| recover in his absence
bGs 1t is very strange, but every wo-
mans husband is the worst fellow that
ever lived, until he is attacked, and then,
"dear fellow he is the very best
~ Upon the marriage of Miss Wheat,
of Virginia, an editor hoped that her path
might be tao,oezy, and that she might new
er be arashed by her husband.
m- 1t is proposed to establish an in
stitution for the education of young ladies,
in which the science of weavology, spin
ology, and cookology will form part.
B5- Every girl who intends to qualify
herself for marriage should 90 through
course of cookery Unfortunately, but
few wives are able to dress anything but
themselves.
na- An elderly gentleman recently ex-
hibited an umbrella, in a car of the Bos-
ton and Cambridge Railroad, which he
said he had owned for twenty-seven years
Nobody believed him.
~ The vely last curiosity spoken of
in the papers is a wheel that came off
dogs tail when it was Vaughn. The
man who sent it in has retired to private
life, to live ON what he owes
re- ''Miss Brown, have been to learn
how to tell fortunes" said young man
to brisk brunette 'just give me your
hand, if you please" ola! Mr.. White,
how sudden you are. Well, go ask pa"
Es5- An exchange says, the best cure
for palpitation of the heart is, to leave off
hugging and kissing the girls. If this is
the only remedy that can be produced,
eve for one say, let 'er palpitate."
nA- The victory gained by the Rmper-
or Of the French at Solferino has made
some of the European nations wish that
they could initiate English travellers in
France, and get their sovereigns changed
into Napoleons!
a9- An Ohio editor recently took
cotemporary to task for copying choice
scraps from his editorial columns, and not
giving credit for them The cotemporary
replied by saying he "did not do credit
business ~
Ba- A little girl, nine years old, hav-
ing attended soiree, being asked by her
mother, on returning, how she enjoyed
herself, answered: 81 am fiM of happi-
ness; l couldn't be any happier unless l
could grow"
nD- "My dear madam" said doctor
to his patient, 81 am truly gratifed to see
you yet in life. At my last visit yester-
day, you know that told you that you
had but sixteen hours to live" dyes,
doctor, you did-but 1 did not take the
dose you left me-"
D~ An exchange says that "a scamp
in Vermont hung a hooped skirt up in his
cornfield as a scarecrow." If there was a
pretty woman inside, it would serve the
purpose better. The field would be SO
full Of Green Mountain boys that the
crows wouldn't dare to go near.
nsA- The meanest man in the world
lives in this city. He once gave his chill
dren three cents to 90 to bed without
their supper, and when they were asleep,
took it from their pockets. He buttons
his shirt with waters, and looks at his
money through magnifying-slass, be-
cause it makes half-dime look like a
quarter.
Rg- A "wee bit of boy" astonished
his mother few days since She had
occasion to chastise him slightly for some
offence he had committed. Charley sat
very quietly in his chair for some time
afterward, no doubt thinking very pro-
foundly. At last he spoke out thus
'Muzzer, L wish pad get annuzzer house
keeper, I've got tired seein' Won roundv ~