Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-08
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

The man who was bent on matri-
mony has been Strengthened out again.
Oh!
The reason some people put on
airs is because they have nothing else
put on.
The fellow that attempted to cloak
his sins, found that he couldn't begin
to get garment large enough.
1t is the opinion of western edit
or that wood goes further when left cut
of doors than when we'll housed.
-"My boy, my boy! you do very
wrong to fish on Sundayr' Boy. cit
can't be no harm, sir; arn't cotch'd
nothin.'
We frequently see it stated that \
scheme is on foot. Wouldn'ta scheme
be advanced faster ifit could be got on
horse back!
Prentice SAYS Of an editor who
said he "smelt a rat" that if he did,
and the rat smelt him, the rat had the
worst of it.
Two chaps in Georgia swapped
wives, the other day. One ofthem re-
ceived two and half bushels OF potS-
toes ''to boot.'
-"Madame, you said your son was
lawver-has he much practice?"
"Why, yes, sir, he mas practice
of smoking cigars"
"A Dutchman's heart-rending solil-
oquy is described thus: "She lofes
John Kickle so much pesser as I be-
cause he's cot kopple tollars more as
has!''
An emlgrant to Oregon, writing
home to one of fhis friends, says: eve
are getting on finely here, and have al
ready laid the foundation of large
jail"
The following notice, says the Sal
EN- Gazette may be seen On a Black
smiths shop in the town Of Essex: No
horses shod on Sunday 'cept sickness
an deth!
There is town in Michigan where
the church bell is rung every day at
twelve o'clock, for the people to take
their quinine, as they have the ague all
around.
-Spurgeon sometimes comes ont
with q good thing. ''Brethren," says
he, # God had referred the Ark to 3
committee on naval affairs, it's my opin-
ion it would not have been bull. yet..n
Marriage resembles pair of shears,
says Sydney Smith, SO Joined that they
cannot be separated, often moving in
opposite directions, yet always punish
ing any one who come between them.
1t is now fully ascertained that
the man who ate the apple of discord.
and picked the bone Of contention. is
the indentical individual who was q
passenger on board the train of circum-
stances.
"A green 'un, who had never be-
fore seen a steamboat, fell through the
hatchway down into the hold, and be-
ing unhurt, thus loudly expressed his
surprise-"We if the darned thing
amt holler."
The marriage between Jonathan
and Miss Great Britain, which was 40
brilliantly celebrated few weeks ago.
is evidently very unhappy one. At
all events, no aoortas Huye Dassed be-
tacee1a them since the bridal day. #s
--"No one would take YOU to be
what you are,'' said an old-fashioned
gentleman to dandy who had more
hair than brains
"Why?" was Immediately asked
'Because they cant see your ears ="
A waiter at fashionable hotel.
the other day, requested a boarder. IL
he needed his services, to ssiust agitnte
the con,1nunicator." Previous to the
rapid march of intellect, ssplease to
ring the bell,'' would have been the
phrase used: -.
-"John," said a victimized bus. &
band, chow I wish it was as much the
fashion to trade wives as it is to trade
horses"
"Why SO, Pete?" IL"
s,Pd cheat somebody most shockin'
bad afore night 10
Jenny" said landlady to her
help, the other morning, "Jenny, was
there any fire in the kitchen last night,
while you were sitting up?''
eyes, marm," said Jenny, 'sthere
was spark there when went down,
and soon famed it into fame. p" er3
The landiady looked suspicious at
Jenny, but the innocent girl went on