Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1859-04-20
A Chapter of Wit and Humor.
"And laughter holding both his sides

"And laughter holding both his sides
E TIE DEACON AND TIE CHoIR.-lr
the oldcn times, when it was the custom In
New England to sing the psalms and hymns
by q" deaconing" them as it was called-tha'
is by tue deacon's reading each liue previous
to its being sung-one Of these church dlgnl'
taries, after looking at his book some time,
and making several attempts to spell tic
words, apolosised for the difficulty he ex-
perienced in reading, by observing,
"My eyes, indeed, are very Blind
The choir who had been impatiently wal
ting for whole line, thinking this to be the
first of a common-metre hymn, Immediately
sang it. The good deacon exclaimed with
emphasis,
az cannot see at all.
This, of course, they also sing, when the as
tonished pillar of the church cried out,
~ really blievc you are betwichcd"
Response by the choir: 81 really b'liere you
are bewitchedn The deacon added,
THE ,uischefs in you all"
The choir finished the verse by echoing the
last line, and the deacon sat down in despair.
81 THERE is every reason TO believe
that Old Deacon Dash will take care that
there are DO outsiders round the next time
lie breaches:
The Sabbath evening meeting at the Meth
odist Church is Il famous resort for tue young
people, including the girls. The church don't
always take them all in, and some ol the boys
have to stay under the window outside.
Old Deacon Dash is an excellent man in his
wKH lie is a money.lcnder and Gland
shark" and has all excellent faculty in get
ting all-ired big rates. Well, the old
man was down for prayer the other night.
The brethren were putting in the taIleSt
kinds Of : ''ameGs," and the old ,nan getting
on powerful JUNCTION, when, lifting up lis
voice like western thunder, he roared:
"oh, Lord, give US greater interest in
"A young rascal outside, under the prompt
ings uf the lnomcnt, in reply, sung out at
the top of his voice,
"Hold on, old inail, you're in for five per
cent. mol1tb dV~a here, don't cry out for
anything worse mp there"
The deacon didnt rise any higher on that
OCCASION.
is OvE system Of education f,vors pre-
Cocl'y, is lnr >!ecIlncll, which fyiluw will
il!tt tratr:
\ ,rIcw,l little fellow 20 hal just begun
to read Latin. a>tona!lr'l his master by the
following translation: )'r, q man, Gin,
trap; Virgin. Il lilai,-trdp
Teacher (to Bob SmithcrS. Spell ad
mit;alIce.
Bob. Al-mit, admit, tance, tancc, admit
tance.
L, acLer. Good Give the definition.
Bob. Twenty five cents-iiigg. rs and chill
drcn half prIce-fruut seats for ladlcs-iio
smoking allowed.
ET WHES bad men want to fight, the
cLurcrs are that they will arrange matters
50 rs to CRAFTY their heIliscret ucinati0us.
Tho creed uf tho Quakers is peace, but two
" aiuiul broad.brlu,s cpiltrlvrd ~ fight upon
scrptural authority, III this WISE
Tney graspcd one another; one threw and
sal un tue bac< II the other, and Squeezing
hi, head in tllu mud, SAID
"Un thy belly shalt thou crawl, aid tlu.t
shalt thou eat all the days If thy liG.'
The other, however, soun recovering his
position, began To deal blows against his op-
ponrnts head, saying:
1t Is written: the seed Of the woman Shall
brui>e the Serpe:Its head"
Es Ir is not, however, against the
Qmkrr,' practice to fight with the weapons
nj VIII aud Sarca,ni, as certain lawyer who
shall he nalllel,:s, discovered one day, to wit :
A cunning lawyer meeting with shrewd
old friend Oh white horse, determined 10
QUIZ him.
"Good morning, daddy Pray, what makes
your Lur,e iuuk 80 pale in the i.ce ?"
All my dear friend,' replied the old
man, Il! thee lad "nkcd through halter
~ long, thee Would lmk pale too"
4 FoRGETruL MANA man, en-
howed with an extraordinary capacity Of for
gelulneSS. was tried short time agu, at
Paris. f,r vasabondage. He gave his nsme
as All.ll,te LeSSive, and believed lie was born
at B.,Irges. ~ he had forgotten his aye,
the registry Of births in that city, from 1872
10 lS22, WAS cun,lilteC, but only one person
Of The name of Les>ive had Leen born there
during Tat time and that was i girl.
Are ynn sure yuur name is Le>sive z"
aske,l tue Judge.
well, thought it was, but maybe it
isn't"
care you confident YOU were born in
DourscS 2"
"Wcll, alters supposed was, but |
shouldn't wonder, if il were somewhere else.'
"Wnere does your family live, at preseut2"
6 dun't know; I've fnrgotten."
"Can you remember ever having seen your
father anl ulDtiicr 7"
II rul't rccnlect 10 save rlysclf some,
tines thhk | have, aud ten rsaiu ! l,uyr
not
"Wta! fatlg ds yyu S,Ilow 1n
"Wcll, I'm eitbcf tailor or cooper, afi
for tue liie of lie ean I tell which at any
rate, I'm either one " the otLcr.
s% a gsntlrnsns bearing that 4 litcfatGft
pretended. with ii i plentiful lack of w.t." had
been sez.I with brain fever, dryly observed,
60. the thing is imFossible" I" "Why i'm
possible ?n asked his informant. because"
was the reply, there's no foundation for the
fever Or the report"
~ THE SELECTION OF WIrE.-Ssm
Slick, IN his late "sa, ings," gives some ad-
vice about the selection Of a wife. Says he {:
g Don't marry too pocr gal, for they are
apt 10 think there is no end to their LGs-
bands puss nor too rich gal, for they are
apt to remin,l You oft unpleasant sometimes j;
nur too sddy a gai, for they neglect their
families; nor zoo demnre one, for they are
most apt to give You the dodge, race off, and
leave you nor too weak minded o one, for
children take all their talents from their
mothers"
A celebrated physician said to Lord