The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1859-12-16

Gas bill are, in military phrase, Heavy
charges of the light brigade
The MAN WHO LOVES HIS FELLOW MAN.
The king Of the C"nnibal Islands.
Why is young lady like bill of ex-
change? Because she ought 10 be settled
when she arrives. at maturity.
Beautiful was the reply Of a venerable
man to the question. whether he was still
in the land Of the living-'No, but am
almost there
Did the man who pl"ughe.l the sea and
atterward planted his feet on his native soil,
ever harvest the crops?
AS We grow older, It is with hearts as
with heads o: hair.-it is not easy to dis
tiDguish the true from the false.
T"llyerand, speaking Of a weIl.knowh
lady, said, emphatically, She is insufferable
Then. as if relenting, he added, But that is
her only fault
A gentleman was condoling lady on
the loss of her husband, but finding that
she treated it with indifference, exclaimed
oh, very well, madam, if that be the way
you take it, l care as little about.it as you
doa
A well.known London printer being
called on TO reply to a,tosst :. said. Gentle.
men, I thank you most heartily. I can't
make speech ) but can print as long as
you like -
Mrs. Partington, hearing that young
man had set up for himself, said, Poor fel-
low Has lie no friend that will set up for
him part Of the time?' Aud she sighed to
be young again. 80
ANOTHER JUDGMENT OF PAR1s,-A
young lady, being asked what WAS her
notion Of the, Anglo-French alliance, En-
glish heads and French bonpets::'
A li,t.el servant-girl took the order to
"string beans" literally, and had got about
TIRES feet in length when her mistress dis.
covered her tlunder.%ts
10 FIND THE DIAMETER OF CIRCLE
Measure. form the centre parting of your
wlfe's hair TO the circumference Of her dress.
Double that, and you will have the diathe-
ter to nicely.
Three coz kneys being out one evening in
dense fog, came up TO building that they
thus described. The first sail, There's a
mouse No. said the second, it's nat
The third said, You're both wrong-;t's
nin'
Melancholy is another name for tough
meat. We care not how imaginativea
man may be, let him cat two picked pigs
feet, and he will feel as ihahmate as sack
Of GOALS. What We often think is mind, is
hal: the tiu.e gristle.
A LAWYER reading will in country
village, incidentally mentioned 'beirs and
successors upon which a young geu,le-
man of forty y.fve, rather hard Of hearing.
remarked, Dear r1e. who ever heard Of
hairs and scissors doing 10 will before =
Moore said to Peel. on looking at the
picture Of An Irish orator. You can zee the
very culver Of his lps.'-' Yes said Peel.
'and the arrow comings out off The
pnet was telling this to one of his courn,.
men, WHO answered, He meant errah COIN
ing out ofit.'
THE oi1MAx.-A poor fellow says
In an evil hour became addicted to drink
From that moment I have been going
down, until have become au 6utcast-a
loafsr-: .aing g no account fit for moth;
bg else on this earth but te se :: !. e:..ss.
of CodsEess.' q
. The applauding o1amor or the yoz ,,opuH
Jet disappointed men cay whas they
wil..ais,, after all. the cultni alton and
apoiheosis Of fame. Yet the same Sclamof
r"shes with unreasoning lavisbnsss after
books and persons which have no moro
claim to fame. than has the srsAllest news.
paper critic i's who PROCESSES Fl = 70 dispense
Judge Day, Of Ireland, was a flemaskspys
tall man., and an intimate friend ofSif
Atah Clarke, ishd ssiss alnnoss dssrs
Il Nas Al st.ndiSg 4 jjeksE viii sihs wsgs.os