Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1859-09-13
MISCELL A N Y.
TFr0m the Boston OliUe Branch.
What Shall We Eat2

The ancient philosopher, when he had mind
to eat, opened his mouth; the moderns, when
thew have mind either to eat or drink, are a.
trsid to do any such thing as opening their
months. This is scientific age, and we have
so wonderfully improved on the practice OF the
sncients, that we must study books and hear leo
tnres betore we can be sure sure that it is safe
to eat potato.
Our ancestors were certainly unfortunate, and it
is impossible not to pity their ignorance. They
lived to ninety, and never suspected they were
poisoning themselves all their lifetime. Never
shall / forget the nervous horror OF my old
grandmother when she came home from one OF
The lectures of DIR. Sawdust, who had been prov.
lug that coffee was poison. The old lady hao
drank four cups day ever since she was ten
years old. She Immediately clapped on ner
spectaoles, sat down with piece OF chalk ana
made calculation of the quantity. She could
hardly believe her eyes when she discovered that
sbe had swallowed seven thousand three hun
dred and eighty eight gallons OF poison Bet
ter late than never" she exclaimed, u won't De
poisoned any longer, not J" And so, at the age
of ninety, she reformed her diet, 1uiiy Persuau-
ed that to 10 on drinking coffee would kill her
sooner or later. Another old lady, on hearing
that tea was Intoxicating, had nearly gone into
fts and is in great affection at the thought that
she has been iuddled every day for sixty years
without knowing anything about it,
| The Saydust Journal will convince any man
who will take the trouble to read it that eating
il very dangerous business. 1t is astounding to
perceive what multitudes have died of roast beet
mutton broth, and such like slow poisons. A
copsiderate man wonders to find himself alive
and is tully convinced that he ought to have
| been dead long ago. But to show that people
ara at last wide awake on this subject, and are
astermined not to sit still and be poisoned any
| llonssr. We make the following extract from the
editors correspondence:
TO THE EDITOR OF THE sAwDUsT JOURNAL.
Gooseborough, Dec. %, 1857.
| FRrRNp WIRHERsHINs IL wrote to you, some
time since, for The Library OF Starvation and the
"a " dust Journal; hope you will send those
excellent publications as soon as possible, VIII
any other works you may have on the subjec
of short commons. Public attention is now
tnrned towards these subjects, and we really
hunger and thirst after everything in the shape
Of hare bones. Dr. Sawdust has been lecturiD(
in this place, and produced quite an excitement
his proofs of the pernicious consequences OF eat
ing food were in the highest degree convincing
people discovered themselves to be sick who
never dreamt OF the thing before; indeed, it II
very clear that but for DR.. Sawdust, we should
never know half our mistortunes. Flesh mea,
| is now held in utter abomination among u.s.
People are turning their pigs out OF doors at
great rate all the cows are cashlered, anu the
Doultry have been obliged to out and run. As fol
a beef steak, need not say, such thing Is Dol
10 be had for love or money; sausages are en-
tirely out of demand, except such as are stuffed
With red baize aud turnips; and verify believe
the ghost of a sleeps head would frighten the
whole community. Flesh, in fact, is quite out o.
the question, and nothing is fish that comes tc
net here; man could not get even salt eel
for his supper. All the dogs have run mad, ano
every cat in the town has departed this life.
hone. friendiWithershin we shall have the
Measure of beholding your hatcbet face among
rs before long. You would be delighted to see
the sharpness of our noses the prominence oi
our cheek-bones, and the beautiful lantern like
Transparency of our jaws. The work is going
on, although great many among us are gong
off; this, however, cannot be owing to their
change of diet but to the roast turkey they ate
last winter. There is class of young ladies at
Mrs. Nippo's boarding house who are living,
(those mean who still survive) in exact adhe-
renee to the principles of DR.. Sawdust and lind
their complexions highly improved by it. They
have excellent soup, made of pebble stones boil
ed in clear spring water, sometimes they strsln
it through oolander of turnip tops; but this
the Doctor calls high living The sawdust
doughnuts never give them the heart burn aud
il you shake bunch of radshes at them once
week, it is all they want. You never saw
more beautiful and interesting sight than these
young ladies; they resemble fair and delicate
cabbage plants growing under the shady side OF
a barn. Their strength is so much improved by
their diet, that they have no occasion for exer-
else. and never feel the least desire to walk g.
about. Indeed, this would be somewhat haz-
ardous, for one of them, being abroad on win
dy day last week, was accidentally blown a.
gainst the side OF newly painted house, where
she stuck till somebody came to relief, Since
this catastrophe, they have all kept within doors
which, in fact, is much the best way for true
Sawdustrisns.
Since writing the above, have received ac-
counts from the neighboring town of Noodle
ton, where Dr. Sswdust has also been lecturing
The good work is going on there. The people
have given up eating entirely. Most of them
do nothing but cape, though even this is censur
ed as superfuous luxury, as well as the prac-
tice of sucking fog through rye straws. Tee.to
tai Fast Day Forever Associations are rapidly
forming. Seve,ai people have sewed up their
mouths, aud assure me the sensation Is de-