Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1859-05-19
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PURCHASING A LIVE LOBSTER
BY GOLD 'UN"

BY EoLD 'UN"aia3 s.5st@
A raw-looking beauty standing some
SIX feet or more, in his boots-fresk
from the interior, arrived in town Phil
adelphia a day or two since, with s
view to examine the horns in the cit,
of Friends. ss ra ss..,-.
lie had walked leisurely round Cir
ard College-his "wondering gaze" haC
been gratifed with a peep at the Brancl
Mint, where a communicating chal
'made money" darned sight faster
than ever he could he had seen the
old United States Bank, but, for the
life OF him, couldn't find the place where
il had busted he had sauntered through
yarmouth, where some cute teller was
Squirting water round, most beautiful
he had marched around the outskirts OF
the Penltentiary, but they were not
sharp enough to get him IN thereon,
no The had trotted. through the Mu-
fseum, which he didn't consider any
''great shakes''--and, just before leav-
ing i'll the eight O'Clock train, for home,
he strolled down to the Market-house,
to ascertain, if possible, where all the
vegetables and things went to.
Having examined the premises for
some time, he suddenly halted before a
wagon which stood near by, the floor of
which was covered with about score
of live Holsters, wriggling and tumbling
over each other He was unfortunately
afflicted with habit of stammering.-
After watching the Sight for several
minutes, he sidled up to the owner, at
last, with ....t......
"Wo,wo wot's them, mister? %
! ssLobsters, SIR ...--
'Lo-o GiStiSs ?" s.....
-wull-I've heern te-telI o lob
stiss.' saH s.< r-.
"Hexcellent heatin', sir-is Holsters.
Hev-'un, sir 2"
"W-wu-wull, I reck'n y-y-yes. Wo-
wot's the damage ?'' e -9aa# aEeE
"Three levies, SIR Il .3aasaa
elbow d-d-how doyou eat lobstiss?"
with yer teeth, pooty gineral SIR"
"Y-yes. But cOo-ook 'em, mean"
''Oh! Bile 'em, sir-bie 'ein. Thank
zee; just the change" the wag-
oner; and, depositing the ''tin" in his
'sshort bag" he placed the ''lobstiss" in
the hands of its lawful owner.
The stranger babe the seller good
day, placed his prize under his arm, tail
downwards-and started for the Rail
road Depot in Market street.
The lobster was 'fresh caught" lit so
chanced) and proved very unruiy =
squirming and writhing about. Our
countryman was constantly adjusting
his burthen, until he had finally man
aged to raise its claws on line with
the side Of his own head. Suddenly
one of the critters fippers extended,
and closed again with a smart smack
grasping III it's clutch the greater por-
ton of the poor fellows right ear
An indescribable twist pervaded the
couutryman's phiz-his teeth became
set in an instant = and lowering his
head, he started into rapid walk
with
Cd rot him! Oh thunder j
Le-le-let go B-b-bla blast your pic
tur !-don't-ottgIe! Mur-m-murder-
aeurt2er I"
A bevy of youngsters had discovered
the poor fellows predicament, as he
rushed along the walk, and he soon
qui3kened his pace into sharp trot,
making good Roadway towards the de
pot, the lobster dangling from the side
OF his head like huge old-fashioned
ear-drop AS the crowd gathered Oh
his track, he increased his speed to a.
"dead rum" still bawling at the top OIL
his lungs
cob Lord = ta-'ake him off! NJ
murder! Cu-eu-cuss him! Take him
dow-d-'own -
eco it, Boots J" shouted the crowd.
Pu-pu-'ull the c-cussed varmint off
Take him back [ DIDN'T want no
lo-'lobStiss'' : and stopping suddenly,
before a benevolent looking Quaker
gentleman, upon the walk, he begged
him to take the Internal viper away
The countryman's ear resembled q
purpleripe plum, when the kind hearted
gentleman seized the claws and relieved
him Of his load. AS the circulation of
blood resumed : the unhappy victim
bestowed on hiss benefactor a kind of
smile unable to artlculate a syllable)--|
such smile as one might suppose would
result from screwing an inch augur
through the spine OF a mans back.
Our unfortunate friend was grateful,
but he couldn't speak. 1t was now the
turn of the Quaker gentleman to smile,
because he could not help 1.-THE object
before him appeared so perfectly ludi-
crous. But his was bland smile of
sympathy, such an one as only Qua
ker can bestow.
But our benevolent friend in the broad
brim, was careless-he was In his eff
forts to aid the unlucky countrman, he
had secured the lobster by the claw,
and he still held him dangling at his
side.
''Hurt thee much, friend p
blast him ,-1oh!"
"Thee shouldn't swear, friend" qui-
etl y responded the Quaker--but as he
concluded this sentence Of his advice, a
most unearthly scowl shot across his
previous placid CONFERENCE.-THE his
face was contorted with the direst grim
aces The lobster closing his claw,
had clutched the Quaker's fingers till
the blood started under the nails
Ugh 90, dear meow the
scamp-take him away" shrieked the
Quaker, nearly faintic with pain.
"Da-da-d-d eff | do"
"Take him, friend, -
"N-n-no yer don't! Yer ger-gu-gut
him ch-eaper'nsI did-c-cost me three
sh-sh-shilling; but it's nm no matter
about that"
"He's a vicious creetur''
$3.50 I thought-m-m-mis
"IHere ~ added the Quaker, at last :;