Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1859-11-03


has always been involved in profound mys
tery. His nose was inclined heavenward
which gave an air of pieiy to his whol'
countenance, highly edifying 70 see. Il
short, to use Liza NieI's expressive phrase
Mr.. Cowcabbage was "straageiy beauti
ful.s ~ 50
Being possessed of all these attractions
Is it any wonder that at the tender and un
suspeciing age of thirty-two, resigned m,
virgin heart to the keeping Of Nieomus, a
first sighti Or is it surprising that, being
almost as good looking IS himself, couIt
fail TO think my feelings were reciprocated
But at length, in an evil bour, Liza Nei
came to Frogpond, and stole the youthful
affections of Nicodemus Hateful Cowcah
bage.
In Frogpond, woman reigned supreme
upon the pedagogical throne, and taugb
The young idea how to shoot. The com
ing OK the school marin was always an ad
vent of note, aud except the election of {
President, nothing ever producedNso muet
excitement in our village. Therefore when
it was announced that Miss Liza Me
would make her debut in Frogpond the
next Monday morning great was the sen
sation it created.
"Wonder if she's good-looking?' said
all the young men OF the village, fishing
up from the depths of memory Miss Blue,
stocking, a vinegar faced, thin Tipped,
straight-laced, sour-lookiug maiden of un-
known age, who had ruled it with terrify-
ing majesty over the unhappy Young cioas
of Frogpond, and who looked upon the
masculine persuasion generally, as locusts
are looked upon in the East plaques sent
on the world for its sins; and really, Of
late, 1 have begun to think Miss BIuestock-
ing was right.
The girls asked themselves the same
question, and unable to decide, formed
themselves into q committee to debate the
subject. Several resolutions were passed,
the most prominent of which was, to dis
like her if she was.
Sunday came and the church was crowd
ed. Not a youth in Frogpond but enter
ed in the conscious dignity of an e1crucia-
ting dickey, overwhelming neck-tie, hair
shining with hogs lard, and white cotton
handkerchief, redolent of the mingled odors
of peppermint and musk. As for the
girls, they founced up the aisies, tossing
their heads, with a decidedly ain't-we-nice-
looking air. s,.5s IS,
In a few moments the cause of this unu-
sual excitement was made manifest. Dea-
con Dime entered with the new school
marin leaning on his arm. Under the bat
terry of couple of hundred eyes, Miss Neil
entered her pew. Miss Neil Das pretty.
groaned ia spirit as l beheld her, and
cast glance toward Nicodemus. Oh! the
perfdy of men! Totally oblivious of her
whom he bad promised to love and cherish
while there was "a kick in him." he sat
staring at her with mouth and eyes agape,
like choking lobster. Couldn't have
given it TO himl Ny very fingers were
itching to box his ears.
From that day forth may be dated the
'sdecliue and fall" of Dorothy Diddle. Ev-
cry blessed evening Nicodemus washed his
hands aud face, which he had never done
more than once a week before, donned his
bright blue "swaler tail" coat with its
shiny brass buttons, creased bis hair till it
lay as fat to his cheeks as if it had been
pasted there, rubbed what remained of the
hogs lard on his cowhide boots, and march
ed to see Miss Neil, whistling the "Conqer
ing Hero" In vain | looked daggers and
pen knives at him every time encountered
him; in vain l shed oceans of tears when !
knew be was looking; only succeeded in
weakening my eyes ill they resembIed the
newly opened orbs of a young kitten, and
the point of my unfortunate nose,
sharp enough the best of times, but now
pining away with affection till il resem-
bled the point of a darning- needle. Nco.
demus, the unfeeling monster, seemed to
have forgotten my very existence-leaving
me to grieve away and die, like poor
neglected dandelion in garden. But it
has always been the way his uufeeling sex
have treated lovely women. More than
one unfortunate old maid will drop tear
of sympathy as her eye falls on this, and
brings before her the form of
some Nicodemus Hateful Cowcabbage of
her own.
One day Nicodemus discovered, by some
means, that young gentlemen sometimes
serepaded their lady-lcves. Full Of this
new discovery, as soon as night set In, MIR.
Cowcabbage borrowed an old fiddle with
two strings, ard taking his brother with
him to accompasy him on the jews harp,
they set off for the residence of Liza Neil.
saw them from the window, and guessed
in moment where they going. Nobody
need be surprised when l tell them the
sight made me as mad as a March hare. /
Just got up and threw my cloak around
me and stole after them, determined to
pay them off if I could.
There was iare mastiff on the prem
ises to scare off intruder, SO the serenaders
dare not approach the house. However,
not to have their journey for
nothing, they seated themselves under the
open window of an old clubhouse, and
grandly broke forth the first strain of heav-
enly melody on the two strings of catgut.
Unperceived, l stole up the ladder that led
to the outbouse, and stood looking down
on them from the open window, in 8 state
of mind tina. you alone courteous reader,
eau imagine. | could distinctly hear their
from where stood.
aWhat,ll MA heoin with ~ asked Nicode-