The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1859-08-19

A boot jack, like a sore finger has 70 BE-
hcelcd.
The Empress Of the French is soFroundr
ID with Poris-itesi rtrIrnr
II must be difficult for lame soldier %
obey orders. The more he y otjste3 b
march the more he halsa.
Why is boy with quarter and q
man with twenty-five cents uiikeI Be-
cause they both amount to the asho ding.
Mynheer Drinkenof makos a dlstinct-
zion thus: "Too much whisky Is too ihdch
but too mech lager bier ii ahoostright."
Socrates seeing scoiding wife who
had hanged herself on an olive tree, ex
elaimed-"O, that al trees shosld bear
such fruitsl
"a lawyer" said Lord BFouahom, fac
tiously, ia 4 learned gentleman, who res
cues your estate from your enemies, and
Aweatern editor having published q sonR
leader ON hogs, rival pnper In the same
village upbraids him for obtruding his fam
ily matters upon the public. IQL
II You wish TO make yourself favorito
with yum neighbofs, buy doQa tic him
In the cellar all night. They won't sleep
for thinking iyou, W
An irdiscroet man confded secret to
another, and begged Of hum not % repeat
it ats all right" was tho reply II win
be ~ close as youwore.p rrrrr
There is an Irshman down East, wh0,
when he calls the folks to dinner has two
bslls--o large one and smallone 'fofdo
childerH"
All tho women Of the villages on tho
shores Of the Gulf Of Mexico are in the
habit ofswimming. The young ladies' are
oil 'diving-belis". ID rs
Dean Swift proposed TO put a tan on To-
male beauty, sud leave every ledy to rate
be eheeriully paid, and be very productive,
According to Alfonso, King Of Asragou
there are only four things In this world
worth living for, sold wine to drink, Old
wood to bum, old books 70 read, and old
friends to talk with"
Ifyouwantto TO get nd Of corus, rub them
with cheese and let three or four mice nib
BILE at them for night or two. II tho
mice do their duty, theremedy will be ef-
fectual. ...r...
81 and Daniel Webster put up at tho
same tavern last night" said rough look-
| ing fellow. "It must have beenR house
Accommodation for both man and beast
replied bystander.
/ I have observed that In comedies the
best actors plays tho droll. while some
scrub rogue Is made the fine gentleman
or hero. Thus il Is in the farce Of life.
Wise men spend their time in mirth; tie
fools only who are serious.
0eTWe must either 90 with the white
mans party, or the Negro party. The
Democracy Of the the Union will remuin
faithful to their own Tace.-A shland In
] son.
ofcourse they will; heir race is al
ways aitor a runaway nigger.--Clsus.
;, Her. u5f.Hnau
"DB sIcKIEs JuRY.r-They had two large
rooms on the first floor Of the National
Hotel, on the side next 10 Sixth street, In
which they took their meals and lodged.
They were in charge Of two officers. One
morning, about 8 O'Clock, ns we were go
ing 10 the barber's shop, which was next
TO the room occupied by the Jury, our ears
were saluted with the sound Of q violin,
and we heard the tramp Of men az II march
ing in quckstep. The door of the room,
whence those sounds came was opened,
and oolored boy was lookngin and laugh
ing; we went forward and looked in also
and there we saw about a dozen men,
marching in single fle around the room.
in front ofwhom wus man playing the
violin; another, who had commanG5 wss
|, giving orders: "fle left,"ehle right, !" for
ward, march, SC, and finally they marchr
cd into the adjoining room aud took kaentt
az table on whiok hIs6kiast was spread.
We asked the oolored sdifthey were sold
lers, and II this was recruiting station,
"Lord, no massa" was the answer, "dem
am dc Siekles jurg."-[col Sehouler.
!. A PofNrEp sERMoN.-Many discourse
|, ofan hours length is not halfas impressive
as the following from an eccentric English
divinei l.ee Ia7 o1 10
'Bs ys sober. grave, ismfstsis. s.p--Tiu,, ii.s.
/. There are three companions with
whom you should always keep on good
termsf % .IHH N
Il I, Your wife. t .g. e1ad aa.
!. 2. Your stomach. .rL rr
9. Your conscience.
n. II you wish TO enjoy peace, long
life and happiness, preserve them BY tent
perance. 1ntemperanee produces; ~ b
I. Domestic misery.
2, Premature death.
8. Infdeiity.
4 Tomake these points clear, ] refer you
Il /. To the Newgate Calender. fra
Il 2. To ho hosPi,ala, lunatio aaylums
and workhouaes. l.
3. TO the past experience Of what yOa
have seen, read, and suffered, IN mind,
body and estatei lA
I Reader, decidel which viii you chopsoi
Temperance, With hnpiness and long liioi
or intemperanCe, with misery and pfema-
ture deathi- Harpeyis Magariae.