Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1859-09-23

"JOhO, Olu MRS. 0rcen 8et uh"s 'neu
icine ordered r. .e.,ss.l 2 J. - .,9
"Iguess so," replied John. ''for saw
Grape on the door the next morning"
DS"Why don't you ask your sweetheart
to marry you?"
81 have asked her."
"Whal did she say Z" -
"Oh, I've got the refusal OF her" ssa
~ eMr. Wiggles, have y GU got ,nstch9''
''Yes, sir, a match for the cid boy. Thar
she is mixin' up dough-"
Wiggles pointed to his wife, and then slid
from the FROM door The last We saw OF
Wiggles he was kiting it down the road,
hotly pursued by a red headed woman with
cistern pole. Poor Wiggles ...f ss
y Johnny, that smart Philadelphia boy,
was walking down Chestnut street with his
father, and seeing strange sort of ma
chine at the door Of store, inquired OF his
father gsI g& #& -ss@}. s.t-'s. F.
s'What is that for 70 .f ... ... I'll
81 am sure don't know" ss.s Sd.
81 guess do" replied Johnny. =.
"Well, what do you think it is tor''
asked his father. rai
"Nhy," said Master Johnny, II guess i:
is for sale" Ill. .l rs. o;s t4-ea Il
FAMILIAR DEFINITIONS class in
natural philosophy, stand up. WHAT'S at
traction Z" sPlease sir, know. The
look that a blue-eyed gal gives to her lover"
"Right, sir. Now tell me what inertia iss''
"Inertia, sir, is a desire to remain where
you are q feeling that pieco OF calico ex,
periences when leaning against colored
velvet vest. ssRight again, sir. Call the
next class, do you hear :"
Rrresr DlREcr.-A clergyman from q
neighboring to-, n and one of his elderly
Pensioners were walking home from church
one icy day last winter, when the old gen
tleman slipped aud fell fiat on his buck
The minister, looking at him moment, and
being assured that he was not hurt, sild to
him-"My friend. sinners stand on slippery
places" The old gentleman looked up US
ii to assure himself Of the fact, and said,
81 see they do but can's."
A TEMPERANCE ANKcpoTE.-A few years
ago, when The Order OF the Sons Of Tempe
rance overran the land, my friend jim "
Wight found himself u citizen Of Kentucky,
whittier lie had wandered from Virginia.
Jim wins q "character," and had great ver-
satility of talent, and was withal an excel
lent, jolly fellow, and prime bottle COM
panion. Jim contracted the Tempera ce
mania n turally and with great enthusialn
50 much so, that he soon became conspic-
uous and shining light in the 'Order." p
FROM q popular lecturer jim soon rose to
the dignity Of G. W. P. of the State Divis-
ison. In due time after this hoist in lite
he was called 10 preside over the Division
in the city Of L., aud was on hand in all
the glory Of tinseled regala, with chosen
lot Of eongsniels about him. At his hotel
jim kept ..open house" 70 the initiated, al.
bei, his hospitality was not conducted Oh
strictly temperance principles /; and l am
afraid much of poor Jim's eloquence and
tefyor were drawn from divers "big-bel-
lied bottles, ," whose rubicund visages were
kent modestly COZ cealed by the drapery OF
his bed.
The hour for the meeting of the Division
arrived. jim presents himself at the door
of the Division room, and he gives the usual
sssignal." Back flies the sliding panel, and
the space is filled with the head Of the in
side sentinel, squat, carroty- headed Irish
man. Jim gives the pass word and stalks
in. Business begins, proceeds and ends,
Jim presiding with great dignity. Pat
in the meantime has scarcely removed his
ewes from Jim's face, but devours him with
4 gaze in which awe and mirt'l are strange
" mingled. Presently Pat approaches the
great man, and tilnidly p!ucks him aside.
"Sir," said he, 'an' yez are Misther o.
Wight, the Ghrand Worthy Patriarch Of
the State OF Kaintecky, / do be after
belavin." -.e ,......
eyes" said Jim, "you are perfectly right,
nv friend, but why DO you ask the question:"
ssTo tell yez the whole truth thin, sir.r,
an shame the divil," said Pat, s.yez do be
havin' the right pass aoor-rd sir, tor-r Son
of temperance, entirely; but by the Howly
Vargn, an the blessed Saint Patherick, yez
got the wrong schmeH %