Des Arc citizen., 1859-11-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

---Down-east Lyceum-queston for dis little man?''
 "A wise saw is saw, all the teeth of which are wisdom teeth.
 -Whatever may be the reputation of a man while alive, when dead he is generally allowed to be [" finished " gentleman.
 ---On one of the rivers in Iowa the only ferry is sorrel horse. He crosses with three at time-two on his back and one fastened to his tail.
 --Be content with enough. You may butter your bread until you are unable to eat it.
 People may talk about the equality of the sexes-they are not equal. The silent smile of sensible, loving woman will vanish ten men
 ----The lady whose dress was too dirty to wear, and not dirty enough to be washed, had matter of serious import to decide
 -Life's great success is a happy heart, and good conscience the best estate.
 ----A great and good man being told that he had enemies who spoke i'll Of him, said, s'I will try to live 90 tbat nobody shall believe them'
 The biographer of a venerable minister says he was remarkable for the felicity of his prayers, and returned thanks with the exsct- ness of an assessor.
 If dull weather affects you, marry a warm hearted girl, and make a sunshine for yourself. Bachelors will find this far superior to either billiards or burgundy.
 - lady sitting down to dinner Of roast veal, the other day, exclaimed, whilst eating ''l do think that the butchers are the most cruel creatures that ever lived, these poor calves !--another piece of the shoulder, if you please, Mir, smith"
 -- Upon the marriage of Miss Wheat, of Virginia, an editor hoped that her path might be 1owery, and that she might be never thrashed by her husband.
 - The homliest female in the world may render herself more attractive, by the exhibi- tion of delcacy and refinement, than the pret- test vulgarian that ever smiled.
 - Weak doses of wash boards are now recommended by physicians for ladies who complain of dyspepsia. Young men troubled in the same way may be cured by strong preparation of saw-horse.
 - Two centuries ago not one in one hun- dred wore stockings. Fifty years ago not one boy in one thousand was allowed to run at large at night. Fifty years ago not one girl made a waiting maid of her mother. Wonderful improvements in this wonderful age.
 "A couple of Kentuckians lately visited Boston, and sat down to dine at the Revere House. Goldfish balls were served at the table, and one of the Kentuckians taking them for corn dodgers, proceeded to break one in two. Getting the scent of it, he turned to his part ner, remarking in the most solemn manner "Something dead in that, Tom!'
 "A Yankee in Iowa has just taught ducks to swim in hot water, and with such success that they lay boiled eggs. Who says this is not an age of improvement?
 -"Are you near-sighted, Miss? said an inpertinent fellow to young lady that did not choose to recognize him. "Yes; at this distance l can hardly tell whether you are pig or puppy"
 - A contemporary has received a commit nicaton asking, Why was the rear-guard of the French army, OH the retreat from Moscow like war-horse? Because it had Martial Ney (martal neigh.)
 - When person disputes with his neigh bor from their respective windows, why is there no chance of their being able to agree? Because they argue from different premises
 - Somebody advcrtses for agents to sell work entitled, ''Hymeneal Instructor." A contemporary adds, ''The best hymeneal in- structsr we know of Is young widow. What she doesn't know, ther" is no use learning"
 - Little Tommy T. is five yeas old He was in musing mood the other day, and his mother asked him what he was thinking about. ''Oh," said he, II was thinking of OLD rIMEs!'
 - An enthusiastic gentleman, in speaking of the courage of his adored. said, "She would walk to cannon's or lover's mouth without shrinking in the least degree p
 - An Irish postboy, having driven gen. tleman long stage during torrents of rain, the gentleman said to hlm, "Paddy, are you not very wet?'' ''NO, phase your honor, Pm very dry"
 It is said that the girls in the mountain regions of Pennsylvania are sometimes so anxious to marry, that they are even willing to marry lawyers and members OF Congress. There is no accounting for tastes.
 - Dean Swift proposed to put tax on female beauty, and to leave every lady to rate her own charms. He said the tax would be cheerfully paid, and be very productive.
 There is ngger down south, who is SO black that no one has ever seen anything of him, except his teeth and the white of his eyes. When he passes along the road, 1t be- comes so dark that all the birds go to roost.
 -''Why, doctor," said lady, ''you talk as though horse was better than manP' "He is,n said the doctor, She never deceives lady--he brides his tongue-he follows no fashions-and he hates boops." To TaAvELLERs.-The best adhesive label you can put on luggage is to stick to it your self
 Never carry loaded gun on full cock, horizontally, when friend is walking before vou. unless you are aware of the thickness of