Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1859-01-05
department,

cred in amid tears, and clouds, and gloom
God grant these may not be the prognostics
Of what the year is to be 10 us in moral, So
cial and physical life.
In cocitating for a subject for my depart
ment this week, the Editor remarked that our
Hymenial department would be unusually
largely represented this issue, which sugges-
ted the idea thata few words to the fair Brides
oC the new year, would not be thought map
propriate, perhaps. And remembering that
n very kind lady friend took sufficient interest
in my behalf on n like occasion, to give some
good advice, | determined to Gull some Of the
gems from her letter for my Bridal readers.
accordingly make the following selections:
AoytcE TO A YousG MARRIED LADY.-Iou
arc now married, and, rs is usual on such oc-
casions, your friends and acquaintanccs will
profess to wish you joy. Many will do so as
an act Of common civility, feeling little or
nothing of the sentiment which the words i'm
port. When, however, ] express a sollcitude
for your welfare, | think | am entitled to the
credit Of meaning something more than the
performance Of an empty ceremony. But
when coagrGtulating you, ] know OF no bet
ter way Of proving the sincerity OF my protes-
EiOtS, IMAM ny ltIlNCl llS 1'N ivy "H'i~N I'D W
some or the means ! deem necessary to be
pursued in order to render your new situation
q matter Of real fclicitation.
Young people arc very apt to think, ifthey
think ut all on the subject, that when they
get married their cares are all scattered to the
winds, and that their happiness IS secured tor
life. So far from the truth is such a thought,
that when reality awakcns them from the
dream of uninterrupted bliss, they lind their
Sorrows certainly doubled, and whether their
lows are 10 be increased or not, depends mostly
on Themselves and they will still Hnd causes
enough TO interrupt their happiness, though
each should do their best to prevent or coun-
tcract them. One thing is certain, that tho
married state may bc made more happy than
the single life, or it may become a statcot per-
feet wTetcheduess; and whether your present
situstion is 10 be better than that you ex-
changed for it, depends much or mostly on
Yourself. II is therefore q matter the first III
order. ~ we'll rs the first in importance to
YOU, that you should cndeayor to ascertain
Che means best calculated to secure a contin-
uance Of that happiness which doubtless you
expected to experience in the married life
On this subject | will cndcavOr to assist you.
That you were happy during the period
spent in courtship, you will not deny. That
YOU were so, arose from the consciousness
that YOU loved aud were beloved IN return;
and from the pleasing hope or moral certainty
that YOU would attain the object OF your aftec-
tions. This hope is realized, and that you
arc happv now, you need no one to tell you.
Uitfs the rcciprocatcd affections Of your hus-
band which make YOU happy, it is yours
which make him so and hence mutual atfec-
tons constitute the source Of connubial bliss,
and il is equally true that the inlelicity OF
the married state, follows the loss Of those
affections. On the continuance OF the affec
tious, then, no less than on the choice of &
husband, depends your happiness in the wed
ded life. The means to insure a continuance
ofthosc affections, is the subject next in c0urs
Tor your consideration.
m4ir trt prorTr rave lost rneIr affections 70
each other, that the unrciccting have hastil
concluded, that it is easier to acquire than It
tain them If this he true, it goes to prov
that YOU should be more asSiduous to retail
the affections OF your husband than yOuwe
10 gain theta. But it is not true to the cXter
which many believe. 1t is very uuphilost
phical to argue, that like causes will not pr
ducc like clicctS-or thatthc effect will ceas
though the cause be continued. The trut
most probably is, that when the affections
married people become extinct, it is owing
their neglect to continue the cause by whiC
those affections were first elected. What me-
in his SeuSeS, iC he knew the disposition
the lady he addressed, would fall in love wi
n sour, sulky, b~rawling, ill-naturcd woman
It rs the opposite qualities which he sees,
thinks he secs, in the lady of his choice,
which lac becomes cnamOred. 1t is n count
nance illumiucd with smiles, eyes beamil
with intelligence, a mouth flowing with sweC
mess aud good nature-in short, a deportmc
Indicative Of Wodesty, mildncss and benig
ty, to which he pays the homage Of his hea
II such were the causes by which were QuiC
ened the tenderness Of the lover, rely on
that nothing short of those will insure t
affections Of the husband for when I
causes subside, the effects must ncccssar
cease, and then misery and wrctchednsss v
become the inmates of your household.
More Of the happiness of married people
involved in their conduct during the first We
than in any succeeding year Of their connu
al association. There arc probably but
instances where persons newly married
not discover, and that too, in an carly per
ortheir matrimonial relation, each in the otf
some trait Of character which had before
capped their obscrvation-aud much. V
much depends on the course they may !
sue on those occasions. Should the new
covered faults or follies Of the husband
pear to be such as preclude the hope of Il
being corrected, however unpleasant the t;
the wiGe's easiest course will be to endca
to accommodate herself to them. II she
not bring her circumstances to her mind.
alternative is to bring her mind to her
cumstances. Custom and habit tend to les
the effect of evils which c, nnot be destroy
and common prudence will induce her to
ceal from her husband her knowledge Oft
faults Of his which she cannot expect to
viatc, because it will not increase his a
tions for her, should he think that hers
him is on the wanc. II a woman would
rect the faults or follies of her husband
should reflect, that she can only do i
means of her influence over him-that
has, in general, no influence than what a
from his affections to her-that the con
ance Of these depends on the continuan
the causes by which they were first kir
and you may rest assured, that whatev
male patience, mildncsS and good humcr
tender affections cannot accomplish W
husband, lrowns, sulks, sharp reproofs
illnatured reproachcs can never achiev,
the former he may be soothcd and sof
into cOtnplaiSanep and willipulv LODI tO