davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

Among the numerous absurditles of
popular thought and language, per.
haps the word "Chance" and the idea
generally attached to it, are the most
puerile. Chance, as generally under
stood, signifies something ,GithoW a
cauSe-a complete paradox, in open
contradiction to all the laws which
govern matter or spirit. Thus, if a
boy goes to well for a pitcher of wa.
ter. and being startled by dogs
barking, drops the pitcher, he says it
was chance" liza young gentleman
and a young lady meet at a party.
and, being mutually attracted, subse
quently become man and wife, they
say that their first meeting was "a
mere hance'--and that they might
have ataid away, or been attracted by
somebody else just as well. We beg
leave to differ entirely. In the frs;
instance, the boys birth was one very
important cause of his going to the
well. The dogs ferocity, Or fear, or
whatever emotion led to its barking,
was the immediate cause OF the pitch.
er's fall, but if the boy had not gone
to the well the accident-thc chance
would not have happened. II We
once allow that his birth had any.
thing to do with his going to the well.
We place the first cause of the broken
pitcher a long way back, for if Adam
had not been creatjd-or the world, in
short-it is toIerably certain that the
boy would also have remained unborn.
So with the other case. The mar
riage Of the couple who "met by
chance" depended upon the first Cit.
cumstances that ever occurred, and un.
less it had been foreseen, the mar
riage must have taken place in spite
iofall the chances" in the world.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17
Glistrl(anrous.

nFThe following shows the read
er the commencement and probable
end of the Prentice,Swisshelm firta-
tim:
George D. Prentice and Jane g
SlgisSheim. SO goes a controversy
between those personages:
An Indiana paper says Mrs. Swiss
helm is q fierce old hen.
No doubt she'll come to the scratch
Louisville journal.
Yes, with talon8 to match
Such workmen as 10 Prentice matches;
Should we meet you there
Say good-by TO your hair
For It's you uwho will then go to the scratches.
We can only answer our fair CO
temporary in kindred poetry, which
we trust will nail our friendship more
strongly than any demonstrations
puguiS ct calethus.
My pretty Jane, my dearest Jane,
Ah, never look so shy,
But NEE me in the sanctum, Jane,
When the fngon's filed with rye.
Louisville Journal
VIII darling Georgy, norgy, porSy-
My sweet chicky chaw--
Have two spooneys in him's flagon,
Or two roundy bits of straw;
Or dip him's brightly beaky in
And eat him's ryeey raw!
In plain prose, will that rye be
made into mushl lfso, couldn't You
add a little 'iassesl or into coffee,
when, as you have no cups, we would
want two straws, or are we to take
our rye hen fashioned and wholel--
, An carly answer will decide us about
accepting your tempting !nyitatiOn.-
Jane q. SaoiSShetm.
What could be more delightful than
this innocent I've swear iHS innocent)
filtration of ours with the lustrous
Jane! She is determined to know the
terms Of capitulation, and not surren'
der at discretion, though we know she
has all confidence in our discretioD.-
Our protocol then runs thus:
If you speak love, speak very low and hush,
And use your mouth for kissing not for muSh.
Why sour your sweetness by tho use OF 'lasses'
You know your lip all trcOclo far srrPasses!
And then, when fired by dreams Of bliss expect
ant.
Would you use coffee aS disiniectonu
In cups dear Jane, we'll pledge our mutual VOWS
And leave the straws a. fodder for the cows;
For when we use the juice ofryo and corn,
Wis best, dear bulbul, take it by the horn.
"Hen fashion, Janel The fashion Of the doves
Who bill and coo when they commence thcil
lovesl
Wen stake it wholc;" we 90 the whole or none
So to oLr sanetum, tempting Swisshelm come!
p. S.--You don't seem to under
stand baby-talk very well now, deal
Jane, for it must be good many years
since lady Of your age can have had
any especial OCCASION to practice it
You do pretty well--consdcring.-- =
We are getting slightly old ourself.--
You and we however, didn't
"Climb lifes hill together"
and, although we may meet and kiss
we shan't (thank Cody
",SleeD togithsr at the foot.n
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17
The Judges Log.

In the village of " lived q
man who had once been Judge of the
county, and was known all over by
the name of Judge l.. He kept
store and a saw mill, and was always
sure to have the best Of a bargain on
his side, by which means he had gain.
ed an ample competency, and some
did not hesitate to call him the "big-
gest rascal in the world" he was
very conceited withal, and used to de-
light in Dragging Of his business ca
pacity when any one was near to lis.
ten. One rainy day, as quite mum.
ber were seated around the stove in
the store; he began as usual to tell OF
bis groat bargains, and finally wound
up with "Nob)dy, never cheated me,
nor they can't neither"
Judge" said an old man of the
company, "Ive cheated you more'n
you ever did me-"
GLOW so z" said the Judge.
fyou'll promise you won't 90 to
law about it, nor do nothin', III tell,
or else | won't; you arc too much of a
Jaw character for me-"
Lets hear! let's heart" cried @
half dozen voices at once.
"We'll bear you Oh it-go on !"
"l'll promise, said the Judge, land
treat in the bargain, ifyou have"
"Well, do you remember that wag.
on you robbed me OFF,"
81 never robbed you out of any wag
on" exclaimed the Judge; 81 only gol
my own"
"WelI, made up my mind to have
it back, and"
But you never did y cried the
Judge.
Eyes, l did, and interest, too !"
"How 2" thundered the now enrag
ed Judge.
"Well, yon see, Judge, l sold you
one day, a very nice pine log, and
bargained with you for a lot more
We'll, that log | stole of your pile,
down by your mill, the night before
and next day | sold it to you. Thar
night drew it back home, and sole
it to you next day, and so | kept OF
until you bought your own log OF mt
twenty-seven times !"
THAT'S a id liep cried the mac
Judge, running to his book and ex
amining his log accounts; you neve
sold me twenty-seven logs ofthe sam
measurement"
81 know it," said the vcnder of logs
"By drawing it back and forth the enC
wore of, and as it wore, | kept cutting
the end off until it was only ten fee
long, just iourteeb feet shorter than i
was the first time You bought it; anC
when it got so short, drew it home
and worked it mp into shingles, anC
and then | concluded had my wagor
back--and in my pocket"
The exclamation of the Judge wat
drowned in the shouts of tho bystand
ers, and the log drawer found the dooi
without waiting for the promised treat
And to see madman, you have only
to ask the Judge lie was ever shay
ed.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17
Grow Beautiful.

Persons may outgrow disease and
become healthy by proper attention to
their physical constitution. BY mod
crate and daily exercise men may be-
come active and strong in limb and
muscle. But to grow beautiful, howl
Age dims the lustre of the eye, and
pales the roses on beauty's cheek,
while crowteet, and furrows, and wrn.
kles, and lost teeth, and bald head.
and tottering limbs, and limping feet
most sadly mar the human form di
vine. But dim as the eye is, as pallid
and sunken as may be the face of beau.
ty,and frail and feeble that once strong,
erect and manly body, the immortal
soul, just fedging its wings for its
home in heaven, may look through
those faded windows, as beautiful as
the dew-drops Of a summers morning
as melting as the tear that giistens il
affections eye--by growing kindly, by
cultivating sympathy with all human
kind, by cherishing torbearance to
wards the fullies and foibles of on
race, and feeding day by day on tha
1--we to God and man which lifts II,
from the brute to make us akin to an
gels.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

1t should be rule between all
friends to accept just that much OF
each others confidence as is freely
and voluntarily given. Every person
has a sacred and inalienable right to
privacy olthought and Ieeling-.a right
which should be respected to the very
letter, even by the most intimate and
dearest friends. Itis a common say.
ing, and a very mischievous one, that
there should be "no secrets between
man and Wife" A woman has Just
as much right to withhold fall eX.
preston of her innermost thoughts at-
ter marriage as before, and a man has,
of course, the same. When all is laid
bare the holiest recesses Of the heart
the very adyta of the souls temple
the two will almost inevitably tire
of each other. There is nothing new
they have told all they know, and
nothing more can Ge said between
them, except mere common-places,
which soon become ennuyeur. This
right to privacy is not sufficiently well
understood in the world. Near friends
are too apt to assume the power OF
prying into and criticising each 9TH
ers hearts. They should he more
careiul--more respecttul---and ask
fewer questions. If friends generally
would take a common sense view OF
the subject, they would see that what
A. chooses to tell B. is BIS business,
and he may listen and criticiso that,
as much as he likes. What A. does
not tell 3. is sacred to A. The sim.
pie TACT that he did not see fit TO inn
part it, ought to satisfy B. that it is
none Of his business, and the less he
tries to pry into it, the better A. will
like him.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17
Passages from the saturday
Press.

Press.
WAR TO THE KNIFE-A tough
goose.
LAY OF THE GREAT EAsrERN-De.
lay.
SKULLING RAcE,--Thc race of au.
thors.
HIGH ARr-Church's' Art of the
Andes.
Sons OF MAUL,TA-ueenan and
Morlissey.
WANrED--A rake, by the author Of
Pee an hoe!
SAUSAGE MAKERS SIGN--Love me,
love my dog.
MEN OF Members of target
companies.
THE UNIVERSAL PRoFEssIoN-That
Of Gold.chaser.
The CoUNTERFEITER's WATCHwoRD
Never say die.
MoTTo FOR THE DANCING SEASON
Hop on, hop ever.
LIGHT, FANTASTIC IOWA steam.
tug towing a sail.boat:
The QUESTION oFTuE DAY-What
hall we do to.niaht2
MODERN CHIvALRY--Discussion il
the better part OF valor.
TIE ARAB GIANTS Morro--Lovt
me little, love me long.
PRE.RAPHAELITE PIoTUREs-Pic
lures painted to be raflled for.
QUESTION OF THE DAY-Where arc
the Seven Cardinals?
THE LAST Rows OF SUlnIER-Th(
late boat.races at Iloboken.
WATERS EPITAPH-He couldn'
wait any longer--so be went.
PIsoAToRIAL. Who catch the fos
sil-1ish! A, The geological tissures.
The IRREPREssIBLE CoNFLIcT.--
Beecher's "ConAict Of the Ages"
PARADox.--When is man mos
down in the worldi When he il
hard up.
When Ossawatomie Brown suppeC
with Giddiugs, die they drink bJacl
tea!
AGRIoULTURAL-What goes mos
against a farmers grain3 His NOW
ing.machine.
MADE ON THE SPoT.-"Dot," at thu
Winter Garden, has proved to be th
best speck Of the season.
FIREMEN's MorTo--
Water, water, every where,
But not drop to drink.
PoLITIoAL.---Jo Cose suggests as
candidate for the Mayoralty, in oppo
sition to Mayor Tieman, John China
man.
Why HARRY HOWARD DECLINEI
THE MEDAL.-Because every media
has reverse, and every meddler j
sure to meet with one.
A QUERY FOR TIE CALCULAT1Nc
MAOHINE.-May the person VIII,
makes one pound two a day be said t
douOle his capital2
A CoNUNDRUM FOR THE Court CIR
CULAR. Why is Baron Bramwell'
wit like scandall Because a little Q
ii goes very great way.
PooR PAr!-We are requested t
state that the Pro, Pat.ria Lodge OF tn
Sons of Malta is not, as its nam
would indicate, an Irish institution.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

MUsIC.-There is something very
wonderful in music. Words are won
derful enough, but music is even more
wonderful. 1t speaks not to our
thoughts as words do;it speaks straight
to our hearts and spiritb---to the very
core and root of our soul. Music
soothes us; it melts us to tears, we
know not how; it is language by it.
self, just as perfect in its way as
speech, as words; just as divine, just
as blessed. -HingSIey.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

Homeopathic SoUP.--We are ho-
meopathists ourselves, but, neverthe-
less, like good joke, even when ittells
against our own favorite theory
Many fair hints have been made at
the expense of the science, but we do
not recollect one better than tho fol.
lowing recipe for making EOlneo-
pathic Soup:
stake two starved pigeons, hang
them by string in the Kitchen win.
dow, so that the sun will cast the sha.
dow of the pigeons into an iron poi
already on the fire, and which will
hold ten gallons Of water; boil the
shadows over a slow fire tor ten hours
and then give the patient one drop il
a glass of water every ten days."
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

"YOu are better fed than taught,"
said a priest to peasant. "Should
think was" he replied, "cause |
feed myself but You teach me-"
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

THEoLoOIcAL.--Jo. Cose having
had the question propounded to him
whether he believed in "orginal sin" ="
replied that, ESQ far from it, he had
found sin to be the least original
thing in the whole world.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

There is grocer in Pennsylvania
who is aid to be 50 mean that he was
seen to catch a flea off his counter,
hold him up by his hind legs, and
lock intothe cracks Of his feet, to see
he hadn't been stealing some OF his
sugar. -..a ~. .-I
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

The prevailing style of skirts allows
ladies il hot weather to "lay off every
thing else and sit in their bones" as
Rev. Sidney Smith once wished to do.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

Insults are like counterfeit money
we can't help their being offered, but
we need not take them.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

u Sarah" " said a young mau the
other day, to a lady of that name,
"why don't you wear earrings l''-=
because haven't had my ears pierc.
ed" 'Iwill bore them for you, then"
"Thank you, sir, you have done that
enough !"
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

UGarrison, the Abolitionist, calls
upon the Northern people to discard
cotton. That's an invitation to the
Northern women to uGbosom them.
selyes.-Prentice.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

OP Scandal, like the Nile, is fed
by irnumerable streams; but tits ex
tremely difficult to trace to its true
source.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

% Surely it is privilege to DO
kissed by breeze that has kissed all
the pretty women in the world.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17


THAT Fox's TAIL.--A gentleman
wss so prone to exagoration, that I:e
found it necessary to instruct his ser.
want to jog him whenever he drew the
long bow too freely. One day he
was describing a fox he had slain, a
fox with a monstrous long brush, quite
"a mile long" John Immediately
jo, ged his master.
We'll" said he, perhaps not quite
so much, but | am sure it was hAi,a-
mile"
Another jog.
',Or ifnOt, about quarter"
jog again.
well, Ill be shot il it wasn't hum
dred yards longp
Another jog.
The poor story teller could bear
this jogging no longer, but jumping
up, exclaimed:
"Zounds, rascal will you not les
my fox have a tail at all g
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

G Why would printer make q
good lawyer Because he would al.
ways be sure to understand the 'case.'
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

OTAta recent exhibition of paint:
ings, a lady and her son were regard:
ing with much interest a picture des.
ignated as "Luther at the Dict OF
Worms" The boy asked, "Mother,
| see Luther and tile table, but where
are the wOrmsl"
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17
Gl(it aRo ajumor.

u Never rebuke child for mer.
rimeat 1t we're well could We all
laugh as we did twenty years ago.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

GREAT YIELD OF .WINE.--Petel
Smith, of Clark county, Indiana, has
II vineyard of s acres and 45 100; it is
ten years old, vines about Z feet apart,
and being examined by three persons,
they testify upon oath that they be.
lieve it will yield 10000 gallons of
wine, (Catawba.) 1t is on rolling
ground, 6 miles from Jeffersonville.--
An average vine yielded one and a
half gallons ofjuice, when pressed.
The grapes are said to be unusually
fine, but so extraordinary a yield will
attract attention. So says cores
pOndent Of the Cincinnati Gazette.
U An old gentleman of e;gty -four
having taken to the altar young dam
sci Of about sixteen, the clergyman
said to him:
THE font is at the other end of the
church. "
"What do l want with the font p
said the old gentlemen. I'll
"Oh, beg you parlon," said the
clerical wit, ] thought you had bro't
this child to be christeped.'
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

D Do you wish to see some
tracts 2" inquired colportour of a la
dy who made her appearance at the
door, in answer to a lusty ring OF the
door bell.
"YOo," "ropiiad tho lady, owith iha
heels towards the door"
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

OF"Where was John Rogers
burnt to death" said teacher to one
of his pupils, in a commanding voice.
lie coulI int tell. "The next."--
Joshua knows" said the little girl at
the foot ofthe class. "Well, "said tho
teacher, IF Joshua knows he may
tell" In the fre!" said Joshua,
looking very solemn and wise. This
was the last question. 3
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

O An idle man once asked coal
merchant what a peck of coal multi:
piled by eight, divided by four, with
a ton added to them, and a bushel sub.
tracted, would come to-
"Well, said the coal merchant, "if
you burn 'em they'll como to ashes"
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

OF"Friend Mallaby, | am pleased
that thee has got such a fine organ in
thy church" " ....
"Bnt," said the clergyman, 81
thought you were opposed to having
an organ in church,"
$50 | am" replied friend Tommy,
"but then, il thee worships the Lord
by machinery, would like thee to
have Il hrst-rate instrument"
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

HYDRoPATHY.--The following bit at
the water-cure was made by Charles
Lamb, and none but himself could
Eave made so quaint a conceit: ut
is," said he, "neither new nor won.
derfui; for it is as old as the deluge,
which, IN my opinion, killed more
than it cured"
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1859-11-17

u The daughter Of the proprietor
of a coal,mine in Pennsylvania was
inquisitiye as to the nature of hell;
upon which her father represented it
to be large gulf Of fire ofmost pro-
digious extent. "Pa," said she,
"couldn'tyOu get the devil to buy his
coal of You ?"
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1859-12-20
TIE IMPERIAL SPORTS OF FRANCE.
Our Compfegne Correspondence.


CoapEGyE, Nov. go, 1859.
7ripfron Paris TO The villa Royay s Roai-Russian
Vencr1,iot for the R,igning Famity-Descrption Of
fomYie2ne-As Ftr,ns Flrdens and piuage-Mementoof
Cardinal Military fermentation Of the Halls
ct PresentD,nner ard 7Gsa.ricais-Ihe Emperor Enjoys
Amusement and Works al The Same Moment Morning Of
tie Grand Sog Hum Visits 10 The Horses and Hounds
Recognizing Ugly Canine Fbe The Mount and Costume
Of de Fteld-hppearance Of he Empress, and Nlpae,n's
Care for Rer Safety-A Ydntee Difficulty, and His
Ingeanity--An Unexpected L,tUh--Tncidens ofue Day
me Dead sdg--Bsneuolrce Of Eugcnie, and Murine
nial Conpfimen-HeaM of the Royal F4miiy--FYra Bal
lies IF The Imperial Prince, DC, &c.
In my letter announced my Of relating to
your readers the details Of grand stag hunt Com
piegnc and shall proceed % make good my pro
misc.
day or two ago started for that favored place, as
was informed that hunt would occur the next day and
hat their Msieses would attend. A ride Of two hours
and half in the Chemin de fer du Nord transferred your
correspondent to Compiegne and as arrived at midday
had ample time to devote to the inspection OF the cha
,caux and the surrounding grounds.
/ was go fortunate as TO go down in the train that
transported fifty invited guests Of their Masstes
among whom particularly noticed the Grand Duchess
Maria OF Russia. Her Highness accompanied by her
children She is fine looking woman, and would be de-
cdedy handsome I, no. for somewhat unromlntic
.1mbonpoint The children, son and two daughter are
very ne representatives. OF Russian royalty. the eldest
girl is beauty and as was informed by Russian gen
tcman present. the exact image Of what her mother
al her age The Russian refer 10 seemed % have
the dcepcs, love and admiration foshc Grand Dgchess,
and told me With exceeding COMPETENCY that lie had
kpowp her ~ = her infancy, nnl l. her geaie chlrlG
tef opl pure g1aduc. q heart m1Io ohe 't Of
ycuefaiion q tne Russian Court lresesed DO OH gsn
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1859-12-20
Our Berlin Correspondence.

Dplomoti; Rupture Between Prussia and Hese Cassel
Agtotion for Constitutional Riohls-Whdt Is 7houM Of
he European Congrcss--Prussic b Aocc on hapor,cat
Resolution on Mor,igc Search aud Cdpurc ia Wtr--Nr
Ma,cy's R,so,uions of 1855 Ba,is for E,glaaas A.
ton England Suggests hc Mer Her 6rgH. g.asous fr
Tttn9 so-Ancr,ean Thanksgiving Dcy.
The Hossaa Ambsssator has boon 7ocalici from Bor
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1859-12-20
NEWS FROM EUROPE AND ASIA.

NEWS FROM EUROPE AND ASIA.
Our London, Paris, Compeigne, Perlin
and Brussels Correspondence.
THE WORK OF The EUROPEAN CONGRESS.
NAPOLEON'S INFLUENCE OVER ENGLAND.
Important Resolution on Bellige-
rent Maritime Law.
England Seeking TO Abolish the Right Of Search
OH the American Plan.
Diplomatic Rupture Between Prussia
and HeSSe-CaSSel.
THE AMERICANS IN BERLIN.
The Murder of Russian Sailors
in japan.
.~--~--,-~----S---<~>-J~>~-~~
The Crew of the United States Schooner
Fenimore Cooper.
IMPERIAL SPORTS At C0HgEIGNE, sFRANCE.
Stag Izunt and Scenes in the
Field.
-.-.-ee~s--...-s---es-
THE FARM AND VILLA Of NAPOLEON.
-~-ol--->----- .--.-.--~----~~
ANNIVERSARY OF THE COUP DETAT.
~ III II q Pr r, II < IT r IN
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1859-12-20

Stag Hunt and Scenes in the
Field.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1859-12-20

IMPERIAL SPORTS At C0NVEIGSE, yFRANCE.