The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1859-06-29
6rana Yahfm, alif9., Sams 29, 1853.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

AT Bastrop, La, on Sunday week
the Rev. John B. Spencer, while preach
ing in the pulpit of his church, suddenly
fell back dead.
1.-THE sun is all very WELL" said ar
Irishman, "but it is my opinion the moor
is worth two of it; for the moon affords
us light in the night time, when we really
want it."
-"I haven't taken drop of liquor fol
a year," said an individual of question:
bic morals. "Indeed but which of your
features are We to believe, your lips OIL
your nose?"
On very pretty girls saying to
Leigh Hunt, ~ am very sad you see,'
he replied, 20, no; you belong to the
other Jewish sect; you are very fair /
see"
= Tommy says that it is bad medling
with train of gunpowder; but if you
want to be blown up to a dead certainty,
just tread on lady's crinolinc as you are
getting into an omnibus. He has tried
it, and knows.
-" Why, George, what are you hoe
ing in the garden for at this time o'night ~
"Well, / was awful dry, mother, and
don't the Bible say-"Ho, every one that
thirsteth?" The old lady drew her
head in, closed the window, and collapsed.
-"My dear sir, are you miller l"-
"No, sir: why do you ask?" "Why,
sir, the fact is, thought you was a mil
ler, and very honest one, too, because
you have been grinding my corns this
half hour without taking toll"
-" Dawkter, dawkter," said an ex-
quisite, the other day, az want you TO
tell me what ! can put into my head tc
make it right
at wants nothing but brains," said
the physician.
= A Dentist presented bill for the
tenth time TO rich skin-fint. at strikes
me-" said the latter, that this is pref
ty round bill" "Yes," replied the dent
ist, "Iv'e sent it round often enough &c
make it appear so, and l have called now
to get it squared"
= There is man up in Delhi, New
York, who boasts that he never took {
newspaper, and the same knowing "crit
ter" says that Santa Anna, if he persists
in his struggle with Russia, will be sur,
to lose all the territory of Bosphorus, anC
be excluded from the navigation of th'
Amazon sea.
= The following advertisement ap
pears in the columns of the Elmira I'D
vertiser Wanted. Six young men {,
learn the printing business. None nee(
apply who smoke cigars, chew tobacco
or drink rum. | also reserve the privi
lege of doing all the swearing myself
Washington Smith.
Down on the eastern shore" o
Virginia there is an editor, who is also hi
own compositor and pressman, who make
occasional voyages along the coast Z
Norfolk as captain of the schoone
Polly, who breaches on Sunday, teache
school on week days, and still find
time TO take care of wife and sixteel
children.
A Western editor, whose compost
tors had left him in consequence of
"strike," in the spirit of independents
pulled off his coat, and addicted himsel
to setting" bis own "copy." We Civ
one of his remarks as it appeared j
''proof:"
Tvlk aBoul setting up typse' liz
as &c si as Rollins of q los
A young man, who was desirous {
marrying daughter of a well know
Boston Merchant, after many attempts t
broach the subject to the old gentleman
in very suffering manner said: "M
O. are you willing to le-le-let me hav
your daughter Jane3" "Of course am,
gruffly and quickly replied the old man
"and | wish you could get some othe
likely fellows to marry the rest of them.
DIE FROM THE BITE OF A CAT.-El
sha Litch6eld, one of the wealthiest an
best farmers in Mechanicville, Saratog
county, aged about eighty years, was bi
ten by cat in the thumb, on the 1:
instant. On the Sunday following th
thumb commenced swelling, which quicl
ly extended to the arm. Mortificatio
set in, and on Tuesday resulted in deatl
Troy Wing.
; DISCONTINUED The United Statt
Land Office at Kalamazoo, in this Stat
has been discontinued, and the remainin
public lands situated in that district al
transferred to the Ionia district. The o
flee at Kalamazoo will be closed immed
ately on the receipt by the Register an
Receiver of notice of discontinuance, an
the Register and Receiver at Ionia are r
, quired to give notice when they will
prepared to receive applications for entl
| r T.