The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1859-12-03

drownded two and two, each after his kind
as sure as rats, for he couldn't have got six
of them women into his vessel to have saved
himself from juggernat !"
In Old times, when US to be courtcd,
it used to be the fashion for the fellows to
hug the gals at apple bees and huskings
but land I'd as leave to undertake to hug
elder hogshead as one Of them feminines
Josh Miller and his wife stood nigh the
middle of the room when we come in and
you'd ort to have seen 'em Such q change
rs passed over their Psychologist never took
place on this mortal spear before, nor since!
Josh growed red and green, by turns and
Poll look d as sour as four year old but.
termi!k cheese! ....+............ . ......
The Misses Miller bristled up ike two set
TIM hens, and made of from US as if they
'spected we'd got the small -pox, or some
other confection.
"How do you do, Uncle Josh? I'm glad
to see you % sez Azariah, marching with
his car pet bag in hand, his yalise in tother,
umbril under his arm.
He deposited the things on the carpet, and
grabbed Josh's little white hand in an Old
Fellows grip.
lIow's yer health? Can't you answer a
feller? Eve come to pay you a little visit
of week or two and Pve brung bushel
of Baldwin apples to kinder help along for
our boards while we're here. Bets and
Sally Jane has got 'em there in ther satchels.
This elderly lady is nv wifc-the red haired
ones my darter, Sally Jane, the belle of
Brownville; sot more fellers' hearts a thump-
in than could stand between here and the
Rock of Gibrater!"
You've no idea how worked up them Mil
lers was They was ashamed of me
knowed, by the way they singled. Mrs.
Miller was took dreadful sudden with Il
cough, and Josh kept settin' his feet togeth-
er, as if he wasn't sartin Of their being
mates. Azariah didn't kecr q particle, but
turned round, and bowed to the company.
.'Why don't YOU Introduce me TO some Of
yer friends, Uncle Joshua ?" says he, 81
should like to make their Acquaintance
Sally, too, | calkerlate on her catching o
| beau before we clear out from here.'
"Merclful Ileaven!' cried J0sh's wife,
lifting up her hands, 81 do believe the man
is a crazytic he has ruinated my nervous
system lntirely! An apparatus from the
other world couldn't have prcfxcd Inc
mUre!''
! "Don't take on so, Polly" says |, offering
my svmpat by to her -''D ont, beg of youi
-Azarlah is only glad to see you, and he's
got queer way Of showing it. We won't
be no trouble at all. You've got company,
| seed one Of your cousins at the door: and
if there's more of 'cm here and your beds is
full we won't mind sleeping on the Hoor =
Only give US comfortable or so."
! Poll shook herself clear Of me as if had
been lizard, and says She
s. Lat nF
and corporate the premises can't iDdure
the sight of your'
! claws sake!' says J, you needn't be SO
big that know of ! Yer great srandsath-
er's father was a niger, and'-
and dozen crinolings gathered round her
smelling bottles.
lace her stays" sez !, trying to get nigh
enough to DO something: but law before
! could say another word, Josh Miller ketch-
ed me By the arm, pushed me out of tie room
into a little poke hole of place, and shut
! the door and locked it. was captivated.
/ pummellcd and hollured, but nobody took
no notice of me and the door was tight as
cap, and the sound didn't seem to 60 thro.
! After while got tired of hopping around
! for nothing, and so sot down on something
nice and soft as a new feather bed. felt
pretty considerable indignant for spell :
but byme bye. began to grow sleepy, and
! singular cnuiI popped off to sleep. don't
know how long i'd s.rpt-not Il great while
/ | guess-when | was walked up hv some
! body's opening the doo., with light in his
hands. 1t was uncle Josh Miller. He
! looked kinder sorry and mortified like, and
sez he:
/ "Come, come, Betsy. cit up and come
! out. Pm sorry | served you so, but my
dander was up.'
! Jie give his hand to 'sst INC up, but law
! full goodness YOU might rs well have STIR
! red Lake Superior out of its foundation. Id
rot into 4 mess Of some kind, though what
! It was couldn't tell.
Z /" Heavens and earth = scrsamcd Joshna,
"lf YOU amt sot down in the tub Of ice
cream - ana sure enUE 50 had, and froze
{ in
| stopped mint to think OF it, and mad
cnuff | was. we one spring, and crack
went the skirt of my dress, and | went. or
I should have gone, into the arms of Josh Mil
! Ter. .if hadn't hit him SO sudden as to tip him
over. Down he went. down went, the can
! die was already down; aud in the height of
it Azariah and Sally Jane, hearing the out
cry, come rushing at the sound, and the
transpotlon from the lighted room to utter
! darkness had such powerful effect upon 'cm
that they both stumbled and fell. We was
all down as low as the chronometer iu dog
days. got up first and run for light
! Sakcs alive but it was a terrible cataplasm
! Josh had broken his watch cham in three
places and smashed the clstern of his watch,
besides, burst out the sleeves Of his bran new
| broadcloth coat. and crushed into nothing a
yalerablc pair of gold bowed spectacles.-
Sally Jane had stove her shell haircomb all
to flinders, and knocked the stone out Of her
bosom pin. She was so mad about her mis-
fortiu' that didn't say nothing about mine
and not saying nothing about it kinder
made me forget it, and atore | knowcd it |
was cut among the company, never thinking
at all about my gownd skirt Everybody
put their hanls serch!ef's TO their mouth to
stop giggling, and that brought me to my
senses. Poll, who'd got about half way
back to conciscness, give another scream
and tainted dead away. By this time Josh
had got tired of his close quarters under
Sally Jane and Azarinh, and he began to
twist and holcr, "Murder! thieves! robbers,
help! heipH'
The folks in the parlor quit Polly to help
Joshua. Seeing Josh's legs with patent lea
ther boots and gilt button examinations
sticking out of the closet door, they natur-
ally supposed that thief had secrctcd him
self in the cupboard, and that them feet and
legs belonged to him, so they grabbed poor
Joshua by his understandings, and pulled
and hauled and thrcshed him about for as
much as fifteen minutes afore he could con-
vince 'cm that he was hisSelf and not some.
body else.
As soon as Joshua could get breath to
speak, he explained things in a terrible
shamed kind Of n way, and doxologied to US,
and doxoiogised to the company, and said
he was very sorry for the mistake. But
Azarah wouldn't be paciied no way; his
temper was teched; and he up and told the
whole history of the Miller tribe, from the
Oldest to the youngest. He didn't spare a
single particular, arter he'd got his tongue
Il going; and more mortified cri,ter thar
Josh you never seed. lie tried to hush AZ.
ariah UT, and persuade him to stay all night