The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1859-06-02
YA lsfrl II Il 8.
Destruction Railroad.

Destruction Railroad.
The directors take pleasure in re- assuring their
numerous friends and patrons, that the road to
ruin is now in good order
Within the last three. MONTHS it has carried
more than three hundred thousand passengers
clear through from the town of Temperance to
the city Of Destruction, while the number of way
passengers is encouraging.
Al enormous amount of freight, such as me-
chaiics' tools household furniture, and even
whole farms have gone forward and the receipts
of the year have been so large that the directors
have resolved to declare a dividend Of 500 per
cent. The track has been much improved and
re-laid with Messrs Diabolos & Co. IS patent rail.
The grades are reduced to dead level, and the
switches brought to such perfection all along the
ronte, as to jerk the cars in a moment from the
main track, to avoid collision with the total alb
stinence engine and the temperance trains which
have recently occasioned so much trouble In
short, we have spared no expense to make it su-
perior to any other road to ruin everestablished.
1t gives US great pleasure to call the attention
and ears. The old fayorite locomotive Alcohol
has a fire chamber ofdouble capacity and patent
driving wheels after the fashion of old Juggernaut.
Our wine cars are noodles ofluxurious convey
| anee, after the pattern of the far famed London
Gin palaces, where ladies and children aud gen
tlemen Of the first water can have all attention.
To keep up with the spirit ofthe time, our whis-
key, rum and brandy cars have been greatly en-
iarged and fare reduced to half price Our eli
der porter and beer cars are exciting great at
tcntion among the children.
Our experienced engineer, Mr. Belial, and our
polite and gentlemaniy conductor, Mr.. Mix, have
been too long known to the travelling public to
need ally recommendation. Indeed, so swift
and sparkling our trains through all our towns
and villages that some have called it :" The flying
artillery of hell let loose on earth" Tickets must
always be procured of Mr. Mix at the Drinkers
Hotel, where you may see the following extract
from our charter from Government
Licensed to make strong man weak
Licensed to lay wise man low
Licensed a wifes fond heart to break,
And make her children's tears to flow
Licensed to do thy neighbor harm,
Licensed to hate and strife;
Licensed to nerve the robbers arm;
Licensed to whet the murderous knife
Licensed where peace and quiet dwell,
To bring disease and want and woe;
Licensed tolmake the world hell,
And fit man for hell below"
| Regulations. The down train leaves Cider
vile at A. M, Porter town at I A M, Beer
vile at A. NJ, Wineville at A. M, Brandy
Borough at 10 A. M, and Whiskey City at
10 M
The speed of the train will be greatly increased
as it proceeds stopping, however to land pas
sengers at Poorhouseville, Hospitaltown Prison
burg, Gallowsvie, etc.
On Sunday, cars will be ready as usual, espe-
cially for way passengers. until further notice
/ N. bah baggage at the risk of the owners
and widows and orphans are particularly request
ed not to enquire after persons or property at
Ruin Depot as in no case will the Directors hold
themselves liable for accidents to passengers
VIM. WHOLESALE, PREs'T.
ROBERT RETAIL, Vice Pres't.