Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-01-15
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

-Humbug-when your wife says
she loves you and leaves the buttons
of your shirts.
Much needed.-A good strong adhe-
slve plaster, to make busybodies stick
to their own business.
-"Loye in a cottage" is all very well
when you 0oc'l the cottage, and have
money out at interest.
Most kinds Of roots and bark are
now used as medicines, except cube
root and the bark Of dog.
Nov is the winter Of my discon-
tent, as the girl said when she attend
ed the wedding of q rival belle
The person who 'sstole march"
has been put in the same cell with
'Procrastination, the thief of Time"
1t seems to be so easy to be good
natured, that it is a wonder ANYBODY
takes the trouble to be anything else.
Dr.. Franklin, in speaking of edu-
cation, says: 'Ifa man empties his purse
into his head, 10 one can take it from
him."
Habit Is everything. 1t either
makes or breaks a man. Ifthey are
good he goes starward; if bad, mud
wards.
A store-keeper of Westchester ad-
yertises ten pounds Of sausages for a
dollar; whereupon ane1change exclaims
-"00g cheap"
A wag who was asked to buy the
"Bank Note Detector," said he would
purchase it if it would detect bank
note i'll his pocket.
-"Ah, is it possible you are still
alive?" said fellow, on meeting unex-
pectedly one whom he had grossly in
jured. "Yes, and kjckiag," replied the
other, fitting the action to the word.
A lot of fellows, teasing large and
fat companion, remarked, that if all
flesh was grass, he must be load of
hay. Il suspect I am" he said, from
the way the asses are Eibb!ing at me-
"A Datchman having friend hung
IN this country, wrote to his friends in
forming them that after addressing a
large meeting Of citizens, the scafold
on which he stood gave way, owing to-
which he fell and broke hi8 mecM
Tommy, my son. said a fond
mother, on her return from journey,
'have you said your prayers night and
morning?" eyes," was the reply;
''that IL, every night; but any smart boy
can take care of himself in daytime" :"
IF you get your mouth open to
throw out spike OF a dagger, shut it
till you can, like the jnggler, transform
the weapon into a flower. Oh! do be
kind and pleasant everybody to every
body, and the millennium will come at
once.
child p
"No, boy; I haint reached second
childhood yet, by long waySn'
"WelI, then, [ wish you'd hurry up
your cakes, for I want some one to
play hop-scotch and leap-frog with me!'
Jenkins younger daughter adopt
ed the fashion Of expansive skirts at a.
dangerous season. A violent cold was
the consequence.
"My dear" said Mra. J., "aren't you
afraid Jane Ann has got the consump-
tion?"
"No, my dear,' said jenkins, cts
nothing but the hoopj2eg-cough,n
An itinerant quack in Texas was
applied to by one Of Col. Hays rangers
to extract the iron point Of an Indian
arrow from hls head, where it lad lodg-
ed for some time.
Il can't 'Stract this, stranger" said
the wouldbe doctor, "becsuse to do it
would go nigh KILN ye: but I can give
ye box Of pills that IL melt it in yer
head.o
"A gentleman in the habit Of enter
tanning, very often, circle OF friends
observed that one of them was in the
habit Of eating something before grace
was asked; and determining to cure him
upon a repetition ofthe offcnse, he sald:
''Eor what We are about to receive, and
for what James Taylor has already re-
celyed, the Lord make us truly thank
tul." The effect may be imagined.
My James is very good boy"
said an old lady, s'but3he has little fall-
ings, for none of rs are perfecs. He
threw the cat in the fire, flung his grand
fathers wig into the sistern, put his
daddy's powder horn into the stove,
tied the coffee pot to Jowler's tail, let
of squibs In the barn, and took my cap
bobbin for fishing lines; bat these are
only childish foiliss; he's an excsilent
hoy after All