Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1859-04-09
s1.5o A YEAR.
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

Fact, Fancy and Fun.
Why is Pixies Peak like a young
lady? Because it is dam.seIl.
Punch truly says that in the shad-
ow OF small waist may be seen large
doctors bill. and the outside Of = cof
fin.
If there is anything that will max.
woman swear, it is looking after
her night cap after the light is blown
out.
"A paper before US has an account
of a fire headed: obstructive Hrer
Eleven buildings, ten horses and one
cow in ruins !! 7"
What did you give for that horse,
neighbor ?"
"My nete." "
'Well, that was cheap enough"
Why is young man hugging his
sweetheart like an epicure who per-
mits his wine to run away? Because
he is wasting what he loves. Fooli sb .
amt he?
The safest bank in the world for
depositers is Davy Jones' Locker. 1t
has been computed that there are
eight hundred millions Of gold and
jewels at the bottom of the sea, on
the route between England and In
dia.
"A wag says that in journeying late
ly, he was put into an omnibus with
dozen persons, of whom he did not
know a single one. Turning the COR
ner shortly after however, the omnibus
was upset. And then, said he found
them all oa1t
Love one human being warmly
and purely, and you will love all! Jean
Paul truly says that the heart in this
heaven, like the wandering sun, sees
nothing from the dew drop to the
ocean, but universal mirror which IL
warns and fills.
A magistrate asked an Irishman,
whom he was questioning: sHave you
ever seen the sea ?" ''Iver seen the
say. yer honor? Does your honor sup
pose that I was thrundled all the way
over the salt ocean in a wheelbarrow
on ME back %
"A wit being told that an old &C.
quaintance was married, exclaimed,
II am glad to hear lt.'' But rejecting
a moment, he added in tone of com
passion and forgetfulness, "and vet I
! don't know why [ should be-he never
did me any harm.'
In recent fright in California be-
tween lawyer and doctor, both
were armed with broad swords. The
lawyer cut Of the doctors left hand.
and the doctor genteely amputated the
lawyers head. That was pretty 'sharp
practice" on both sides.
A CASE OF DoUBr-Fond Wife
(holding up an infant as large as cof:
fee pot,) And here my dear is the little
pledge Of affection that was born soon
after you went to California.
.Husbara-Hem! That was four
years ago; it seems to me that the
pledge is rather small Of it's age.
-"Dan," said little four year old,
"give me ten cents to buy monkey"
'We've got one monkey in the house
now,' said the elder brother. "Who
is it, Dan 2" said the little fellow
'You,' was the reply. s'Then give ten
cents to buy the monkey some candy"
His brother "shclled'' out immediate.
ly.
The President of certain college
was getting too old to fill his chair with
the greatest advantage to the Institu.
ton, but the old gentleman. held on
nothing would induce him to resign;
so, at college supper, wag gave the
following toast: "President -, en-
dowed with every virtue but that of
resiyaationn' f st i@T
"A theatrical company was playing
| in one of the interior towns of the west,
Shakespeare's Othello, and when 9th
clio demanded Of Desdemenia "the
handkerchief! the handkerchief!' a
green one called out impatiently-"nev.
er mind the handkerchief; don't wait
for that; blow your nose with your fin
gers, and go ahead %
-"Well there's a row over there at
our house, eWhat on airth's the
matter, you little sarpint 90 sWhy,
dads drunk, mothers dead. the old
cows got a calf, Sal's got married, and
run away with the spoons, Pete has
swallowed pin, and Luis looking at
the Auror. Bolax till he's got the de-
lirium triangles. That amt all, neith-
err "What else, upon airth % Rose
split the batter box and broke the PAN
cakes, and oLe of the Maltese kittens
has got her head into the molasses cup
and couldn't get it out, and-Oh, how
how hungry I am"