The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1859-06-17
From Porter's Spirit of the Times.l
HOW OLD IKE WAS CURED OF L0VIN'
WIMMIN.

] DEAR SPIRIT In one OIL my ram0les among
! the mountains of Pennsylvania, | made the
acquaintance of one of the old hunters of that
| region, and some few years after, was IN compa-
/ ny with him, hunting on the Eastern, or Blue
Ridge, some twenty odd miles distance west of
| Carlisle.
| s'lsaac Cassin' ssOld Ike,'' as he was mos!
generally called, had, for torty years, lived in
the woods. Privation and exposure had not
improved his looks, nor soured bis disposition.
He was hard-featured, but kind hearted.
| We had been encamped on the Ridge for
some days, and, although with only pretty fair
luck in hunting, were we'll pleased with what
we had. There were five of US in all, and you
may, therefore, we'll believe, that, where so
-many were in one camp,. there would be no
lack OF s'yarning" in The evenings. Our camp
did not differ, in the extent Of ''yarn business"
from other camps, and every night was
entertained with some Renaissance of the past,
such as hunters talk about, that Is, of fin, fur,
feathers, and fun. In lieu of an account of
our success in hunting, propose to give you
some of the 'syarns" of the camp, and TO begin
with, 'show Old Ike was cured of lovn'
wimmn."
''Talkin' bout courtin'," said cold Ike"
'talkln' bout courtin' put me in mind of old
times, and how / war cured ov loyin' wimmin.
| war young then, an the weather hadn't spilled
my perty. You needn't laf, Jerry, 'kase
what I say ar true to the handle. l war
perfec' boss 'mong the gals then, an nary one
on EN- but used to spread thar feathers afore
me, an try 10 'tach me to 'em but it war no
90 l war 50 all fired skeery bout tangling
myself For long time, you see, war feer'd
to pay much 'tentlon TO eny on 'em, an, tho
war neerly bustin' to hug 'em, an liked to be
with EN- ! couldn't bring my mind up to more'n
keep thar comply. Well, you see ] used to
think oy 'em most all night, an after while,
gin TO look like a shadder. l war in low,
true as natur, with one ov 'em, and sometimes
used to court her more'n little. She war
Periec' beauty, with dark bar an black ewes,
an the sweetestest lips an the pertlestest teeth,
an the pertiestest gownd-all red, 'cept the
yaller stripes an they war little the yalIerest-
est you ever did see. Oh I'll be dod rotted
eff she warn't angel But thar war a mother
ga! thar, who war mighty much IN low with
me bot | couldn' give ner no comfort, 'kase
couldn't bear her, no how, for she war long
cared, Eed-headed, speckled-faced crtter, what
war so ciisseu ugly, her dad Couldn't keep the
bark on his shanty, an the naboTs war feer'd
for her TO cum TO their houses, 'kase, eft she
look'd inter barrel OF vinegar, it war sure TO
turn inter ackerfortiS, an that war no use in
that country, 'cept to make bad whiskey.-
Well,you see, this ugly gal, just out'en 'trariness
an TO spite my prospecks, must so for 20 fall
in low with me, an | war feer'd amoStlto 90 to
see the the gal | Iov'd 'kase red-head mought
do some deviment, an so, you see, | got TO be
almost shadder thinkin' on it. ,Wharever
went, thar war redhead couldn't go no war,
but she war thar, an war my tlck'Iar cuss.
gone day, | had been up the mount'in, an
run out'en powder, an had 10 go down to ole
Jake HolanS store for some, an Just as | got
inter the door, seed red-head a COMM What
war TO do ! | couldn't go back, 'kase then I'd
meet her-Id Just as soon meet the devil an'
couldn'! hide, 'kase thar war no place 10 hide
in asked ole Jake eff thar war any hldin'
place bout there, 'ior thar comes that old RED
headed CuSS right down hvar, an el don't git
some place to hide in, she'll be the death ov me
sure NO indeed, said old Jake, sno place
hyar TO hide in YOU had better take to the
woods Wouldn't have her in hy gar for thou
SAN dollars she'd be my ruInation. Take to
the woods. | couldn't take to the woods. She
war right in the way, an thar she war a comm
right cross the buekwheat patch, an 'peer'd |
mad as thunder her har flying, the freckles
on her face big as hens eggs, an red as her
har, she war so pizen mad. No bonnet, no
shoes, no stockings her gown1 so short and so
ragged, it peer'd like it war on'y made for a
ly-net an bout haIt an acre of Jake's buck |
wheat bein' spilled every time she put her foot
down. Thar she war comm, an | couldn't |
STAN it any longer. l Jest broke for the woods !
on a two-for.y trot but it war no use. She |
Ii, ,G' - 7 ID, fort tba
the road worse nor quarter hoSS. 1t war no
use she war galnln' on me, an less than two
miniis, would De right 'long-sde. Meek or |
nothing more steam ole hoss,' said, 'or she'll |
ketch up 10 you.' piled on the rosn, poured |
lie on the fire, showed in the wood, an raised |
the steam till my biler war ready to bust but
it war no use that short gound didn't stop her
runnin.' no how. The faster she runned. the |
higher the ole fly-net raised, till she looked like |
a runnin' umbrellar. She war galnin' sure
Down the road | billed, and she billed after IN |
when [ cum 10 the turn OF the road, thar war the |
gal ] loved stanin' in her door lookin' up the |
road at the dust, and thinkn' hurricane war a
COMM seed she war skeer'd, an war bout |
to shut the door, an eft she did, know'd L war /
a goner so [ piled on more steam, an made |
for the fence. 1t war pale fence, as runn'd |
all round the house. My gal seed me comm
and she seed red-head comin,' too, SO she iist
held the door part open for me to git in. Up
to the fence cum, an at one jump, war over
it, an, the next jump, war IN the house, an
the door shet an bolted. My gal stanin' at
at the door, an dozen more nice gals stanin' |
round, an all ov 'em latin TO kill, an thar |
war me right in the middle ov 'em, safe and
sound, bat panhn' worse nor any steam-engin.
All the gals were lookin' at me, an the more
they looked, the more they laff ID. / war tired