The River Falls journal. (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1857-1861, 1859-03-30
THE sCANDEi slONGER.

Now let it work. Mischief, thou art
afoot. # s iEa H@a
Aunt Lizzy was Deacon Snips's wifes
sister-a maiden lady Of about fifty-she
went to all the meetings-kept regular
account of every birth, death and marriage
with Their dates--dectored all the babies,
and knew every yarb in the neighborhood
showed all the young married women
how to make soap, and when they had
bad luck, made every child in the house
set cross-.egged until the luck changed.
In fine, she was kind of village factetum
spent her time in going frem house to
house, grinding out grist of SANDER to
each, as occasion required, bat always
concluded with ''the way of transgress-
ors is hard;" poor Mrs. A. or B. as tho
case was, pity her from the bottom OF
nv heart" or some such very soothing
reflection. Aunt Lizzie was very fond of
asking strangers ana others, without re-
gard to time or place, the state OF their
minds; how they enjoyed their minds,'
&c. These questions were generally fol-
lowed by string eff scandal, which w's
calculated to destroy the peace and har-
piness of some of her best ncighbors and
friends; but she, like other narl ators OF
b kind. considered such intellectual muir.
der as either establishing her own fair
reputation, or as the only mode Of enter
tanning the village, and thereby rendering
her society agreeable.
One warm summers afternoon ms
Squire P. was sitting near his office door,
smoking his pipe, Aunt Lizzy was pass
ing by with great speed, Illuminating on
the news Of the day, when the Squire
brought her suddenly to, as the sailors
say, whats your hurry, aunt Llzz : walk
in.' The old lady, who never wanted a
second invitation, went into the office,
and the following dialogue soon common
ced. a5 F
"Well, Squire P, l have been think
ing this forenoon what an useful man you
might be, if you'd only leave of your
light conversations, as the good book
says, and become serious man-yo"
might be an ornament to both church
and state, as our Minister says"
"Why. as to that Aunt Lizzy, cheer
full countenance consider as the best in
dex of a grateful heart, and YOU know
what the Bible says on that subject
"When We fast be not as the hypocr'tss
of a sad countenance, but anoint thy head.
and wash thy face (aunt Lizzy began t"
feel for her pocket handkerchief, for she
was taker of snuff) that thou appear
NOT unto men to fast" .-a, a.7..T ara
"Now there Squirc-that's just what, 1
told vou-see how you have the scripter
at your tongues end; what an useful man
YOU might be in our church, if You'd only
| be doer as well as nearer of the word
4 Gas to that Aunt Lizzy, 4 don't ser
that your ''professors as you call them
are whit better than am, in private.
respect sincere profession as much as
any man; but know enough of one 81
vonr church. whom you think great
deal of. to know that she is no better than
she should bel Hrto aar azsHhI
At these inuendoes, Aunt Lizzv's lit
tie black eyes began to twinkle; she sat
down beside the Squire in order to speak
in lower ,tone-spread her handker-'
chief over her lap, and began to tap the
cover of her snuff box in true style, and
all things being in readiness for "a regular
siege Of scandaum magnatum," she COM
menced fire 94 t.a.g
"Now, Squire, | want to know whas
you mean by one of our church! l
know who you mean-the trolop--I
| didn't like SO many curls about Der head
when she told her experience. flfg
| The Squire, finding curiosity was put
/ ting his boots on, had no occasion to add
SPURS to the heels, for the old lady had
5ne in her head that was worth both Of
them. Accordingly he had no p." peace un-
til he consented to explain what he meant
by the expression in private-this was r.
dear word with Aunt Lizzy. fl saa
Snow, Aunt Lizzy, will you take BIZ
BILE oath, that YOU will never communal
cate what am about to tell you to n liy-
ing being, and that you will keep it while
| you live as most inviolable secret?' go
Eyes, Squire, | declare | won't never
tell nobody nothing about it ms long as |
breathe the breath of life; and LII take .
bible oath on it; there, sartin ms / live'
Squire, before you or any other magister
in the whole country. ia H8 fe94,
swell, then, you know when ! vent
20 Rostou a year AGO. - 81 agase g