The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-23
From the Montgomery (Alabsmal Nail.
"ANOrHER AAT-ECLL. JOEL ~


A short yarn was spun to Us on last cve-
nin-. Of and concerning the experiments tn
milling Of couple of friends, Of ours, now
or late y journeying for health and pleasure
at the TnIadega Springs. ltisunnecessary
to give the names of these gentlemen, but
for convenience We will call them, respect
'vely, John ind Joel. They, it may be re-
marked, have great 81 imilarity Of tastes,
and among other pendants, are fond of
fishing; and everybody knows that the
vicinity Of Talladrga Springs offers fine
opportunity to the skillful knight Of the
ty.
Thus John and Joel-therc being no
religious services Mt the Springs that day
went out, Sunday before last, to the mill of
MIR. B, II mile or two down the creek,
with view to dinner Of small trout and
cream. With them went their invited
guest, Mr.. Smith, and ''Miles" "contrived
to take down II bottle or two Of wine with
them.
The party was snug; the wind propitious;
and the fish altogether amiablc. A cosy,
fine dinner of brown and crisp mountain ii sh
was soon washed down with few glasses
of champagne and then cigars were lit
As the smoke curled languidly about taeir
Noses, Satan, (who wins invisibly present,
without an nvltation,) suggested to John,
that that mill was "a slow coach,' and
couldn't cut much lumber; and John express
ed the same opinion to Joel. Joel thought
differently, and SO did Smith.
| Let's try her, said John.
| agreed said Joel and Smith.
| 1t was short work large pine log lay
at right angles across the carriage of the
mill ard 1t was agreed to 'et her rip
through this. Accordingly the gate was
raised and Immediately the stiffness of the
grand old woods was broken by the rapid,
sharp strokes Of the saw. In "a minute the
log wis brought @p and the saw went rapidly
through.
'Now stop her. said Joel-snd Smith and
John essayrd TO do so.
But the mill wouldn't be stopped, bu,
went clatrerIns away, as hard rs ever!
Stop her, John, or by the Lord she'll
split herself IN two,' shouted Joel. Blu,
all the fixtures were obstinate and refused
to yield TO the exertions Of John aid Smith
On went the saw, while John and Jvel per-
spiled.
Presently the carriage presented some
metallic obstruction 10 the passage of the
saw, but 'trne as steel,' it went ganst the
obstruction and then the teeth flew. (Some
pieces Of mill-irun had been left upon the
earring" wny.] But Yet it ceased Hvt-ul
and d. wn up and do.n the true steel to
the uu ! cast iroh, unit. sdndcnIy small
! lame broke out among the dust and >plinters
near the point of contact.
'Great Cd, john said Joel. sthr infer
nal machine is on fire. What shall We do:
Run down TO the creek and bring up your
hat full Of WATER" said John. Joel looke ed
nf' ctionat ly at his handsome tile, which /,
always kept neatly brushed, but, submittin.
TO "a dire necessity, he straightway made it
Il fire bucket and commenced fighting the
tinmes. John anu Smiths straws were una.
vailable; nevertheless, they did all lhu>e
wild, inconsidcrate things which persons
will do, in case uf fire, when there is no
POSSIBILITY Of doing any good.
Still that toolhless saw ripped on, sing
| ing IL d mon sung as it scraped against the
dull cast iron; anu the fire kept gaining IL
httle.
Joel lubored faithfully, and every two mi
nutes brnu. hit up h.s hat full of water, and
threw 1t upon the fire. John stood despair
lngl y leaning against II post IN the mill, and
i,..liued 10 his friend. as ne scanned I" pause
ut the brink of the stream-
'Another hat ful, joel, for Gods sake!-
The Internal thing will cost US at least $l2OU
Il piece if it rurn>.'
Besides my hat, said Joel: but he brought
the water and poured 1t on.
On went the irvilish saw, raking rasping
and tearing itself to pieces.
At this junc,ure, Mr.. B., the owner of
the mil, having seen the smoke. came down
to The mill, and with great difficulty the saw
WIS stopped and the fire put out. Joel was
! grlevou>ly blown with carrying water in his
nat, and was quite used up with excitement,
while Smith was breathless from his exer-
,on> IL, S"me lever which he supposed might
have some influence in 9uietinS the demon
saw.
'Genslemen,' said the pr ,pretor, very po-
litely, 1T IS easy enough to see why YOU
couldn't stop the saw after you set it going
This mill has some new arrangements which
can easily EXPLAIN
For Heavens sake, B., said John, no
explanation on that point It's the first
mill ever set a-Soing and IshdH nerer start
another! Just send us your bill for the
damages and let's say no more about it,
The boys paid $50 for no, knowing how
to >tnpa saw, and that night John, In
feverish sleep, Che has that blessing.
chilIs and fever) shouted to his room
mate
zone more hat-full, Joel!'
DOCTORS LIFE.
The following are some Of the sweets OF
n Doctors life
elf he visits a few of his customers when
they are well. it is to get his dinner; if he
don't do so, 1t IS because he cares more abOu,
the fleece than the fock. If he goes so
church regularly, it is because he has nothing
else to do If he don't it is because he has
no respect for the Sabbath or religion. II
he speaks to II poor person, he keeps bad
company if he passes them by, he is bette,
than other folks. If he has good carriage
he is extravagant; if he uses poor one or
the score of economy, he is deficient in nee.
essary pride. If he makes parties it is te
soft soup the people to get their money il
he don't make them, he is afraid Of cent
If his horse is fat it is because he has nothing
to do; if he is lean, it is because he ISM
taken care Of. If he drives fast, it is t.
make people think somebody is very sick
if h. drives slow, he has no interest in tn,
welfare of his patients. If he dresses neat
be is proud If he does not, he is wantin!
in self respect. If he works on the land, h,
he is fit for nothing but u farmer; if he dom
work, he is too lazy to be anything if h,
talks much; I'VE d"n't want n doctor to tel
all he knows;' if he don't talk. we like tt
see do tor social.' If he says anytl,in!
about politics, he had better let it alone
if he don't say anything about it, I'VE like t,
see MAN show his colors.' If he visits hi
patients every day. it is to run up bill; i
he don't. it is unjus,ifahle nrgli igence.
he says anything about religion, he is II hyp
ocrite if he don't he is an infdel. II b.
uses any of the popular remedies of the day
it is to cater to the whims and prejudices o
the people to fill his pockets; if he dom
use them, it is from professional self,hness
If he is in the habit Of having counse
often, it is because he knows nothing if h
objects to it on the ground that he under
stanhs his own business, he is afraid Of ex
posing his ignorance t" his superiors. |
he gets pay for one-half of his services, b
has the reputation of being great mana
GER"
:, TTwo unsophisticated country lasse
visited Niblo's in New York, during tn
ballet season. When the short-skirte,
go-samer- clad nymphs made their appear