Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-07-07
Guilty, but Drunk.
BY COLONEL BRADBURY.

1t is a well known fact that often
times both those Jokes which are call
ed ''practical," and that liquor which
is termed ''bad," have been productive
of exceedingly evil consequences; but
whether the liquor or the joke has done
the most mischief, we are not called on
just now to determine. We propose
to make mention of an affair where liq-
uor and practica! joke were produc-
tive Of the very best consequences i'm
aginablc.
Many years ago, while the State of
Georgia was still in its infancy, an &C.
centric creature, named Brown, was
one of its circuit judges. He was
a man of considerable ability, infexible
integrity, and much beloved and re-
spected by his legal profession, but he
had one common fault. His social
qualities would lead him, despite bis
Judgment, into frequent excesses. In
travelling the circuit, it was his almost
lnvarlable habit, the night before open
ing the court, to get "comfortablv corn
ed" by means Of appliances common
upon such occasions. If he couldn't
succeed while operating on his own
hook. the members of the bar would
generally turn in and help him.
1t was in the spring Of the year.
Taking his wite-a model of a woman
in her way-in the old fashioned but
strong ''carryall,' he iourneyed some
forty miles, and reached village where
"coTt' was to he opened the next day
1t was along IN the evening Of Sunday
that he arrived in the place and took
up quarters with = relation Of his better
half, by whom the presence of an Off
cial dignatary was considered singu-
lar honor. After supper, Judge Brown
strol!ed over to the only tavern in the
town, where he found many old friends
called to the place, like himself on
important professional business, and
who were properly glad to meet him.
"Gcntlemen," said the Judge, "'tis
quite a long time since we have enjoy
ed a glass together-let us take a glass
together-let us take drink ali around.
Of course, Sterett, (addresslng the
landlord,) you have better liquor than
you had last time we were here-the
stiff you had then was not fit to give a
dog"
Sterett, who had charge of the house,
pretended that everything was right,
so they went to work It is unneces-
sary to enlarge upon drinking bout
in a country tavern-it will answer our
purpose to state that somewhere in the
region of midnight, the Judge wended
his very derious way toward his tempo
rary home. About the time he was
leaving, however, some young barris-
ters, fond of a ''practical," and not
much afraid of the bench, transferred
all the silver spoons of Sterret's to the
Judges coat pocket.
1t was eight O'Clock on Monday NOR.
ming that the Jud ge arose Having in
dulged in the pockets Of ablution and
abstertion, and partaken of cheerful
and refreshing breakfast, he went to
his room to prepare himself for the du
ties of the day.
SWe ell, Polly" said he to his wife
Il feel much better than [ expected tc
feel after that frolic that | had last
night"
'Ah, Judge said she reproachfully
You are getting too old-you ought te
leave off that business
'sAh, Polly! what's the use of talking?'
1t was at this precious instant O
time that the Judge, having put on hi
overcoat, was proceeding, according
to his usual custom, to give his wife :
parting kiss, that he happened, in thrust
ing his hand into his pocket, to la,
hold of oterrett's spoons. He jerket
them out. With an expression Of hor
ror almost indescribable he exclaim
ed
'My God! Polly"
"What on earth's the matter. JUDGE?
''Just look at these spoons!''
''Dear me. where dye get them9"
SECT them! Don't you see the ini
tials on misunderstanding them to
wards her-'1 stole them!' s .r
"Stole them, Judge?'' s+ .7r
; ssYes, stole them!" ~ sr-
"My dear husband, it can't be possi