The Placer herald., 1858-01-16
Uncle Ben's Horse Trade.


My uncle Ben was wag-aye, amost in
veterate wag-a practical joker, who never
lost an opportunity to exercise his pungent
predictions and waggish propensities. lie
couM enjoy joke, and laugh most heartily,
even if it was practised at his own expense
always provided, however, that it cost him
nothing. Indeed, so strongly had this pro-
pensity taken hold of my worthy uncle that
he would lay awake nights to give tangbility
and shape to the wicked schemes which were
ever teeming in his prolific brain, and then
gave some roguesh boy a bran new copper
to practice them upon some innocent and
unsuspecing strangers. But Uncle Ben was
not the only wag in the neighborhood, and
numerous were the occasions when his ''risi-
bities' were called into active service to
laugh at some joke nlayed upon himself.
Uncle Ben kept hotel in the quiet little
village of A, up the Hudson, and, like most
other country inn keepers, was ''some" on a
horse trade. 1t was the summit of his am
bition to Get hold of some verlant individual
from the back country, and do him brown"
on speculation. He always kept several
rare specimens Of horsctlesh on hand for this
purpose; and rare specimens they were in
deed-toundered, spawned, ringboned, blind,
baulv, and often with such a deficiency of
the ''raw material" that their bones would
project in all directions, while the only Won
der was that, in such condition, they should
have sufficient strength and vitality to keep
their equilibrium, even while in the stalls.
The crows always frequented the neighbor-
hood of Uncle Ben's barnyard, ready, at any
moment, to foreclose the mortgages they held
upon his horses
Now, among the various hangers-on around
Uncle Bens barroom was one Theodore s.
"Teat" was the familiar cognomen by which
he was known-a quiet fellow in his way,
but nevertheless one who was ''up to snuff"
This fellow was the particular target for
Uncle Ben's Jokes, and took them all in per-
feet good humor, though he had been heard
to vow, outside the bar-room, that he would
one day get square, by grand coup de MAN,.
One day Teat came to Uncle Ben, and re-
quested him to loan him one of his horses,
as he wished to take trip back into the
country for few days, to which Uncle Ben
very generously replied that he was perfectly
welcome, and could have one the very next
day if he wished it.
Now, it so CHANGED that he had at that
time in his stable an old "rackerbones" which
he had several times turned out on the vii
lage common to die, but which the authori.
ties had compelled him to take back to his
fathery care and protection, and he at once
determined to make this creature the instru-
ment Of one of his practical Jokes upon poor
Teat. Accordingly, when Ieat came for his
horse next day, Uncle Ben met him with a
very grave face, but with wicked twinkle
in his eye.
II swow, Teat," said he, "when promis-
ed you horse yesterday, thought l should
be able to let you have good one; but the
fact is, they're all in use except the old grey
though you can have him if you wish"
ooh! he'll do," was the quiet response OF
Teat, who at once perceived the drift Of
Uncle Ben's game; "he'll do first rate.
like something slow and steady you know"
The old gray was accordingly brought out
and saddled, and Tcat was mounted, ready
for start.
"By the way, Teat," said Uncle Ben, as he
was driving of, "if you get a chance to sci
that horse let him slide"
allow much shall | take for him." asked
Teat.
"Well, if you can get fifty dollars, yol
needn't bring him back" was the response.
"But suppose l can't get that?"
"Why, if you can't get that take forty
and if you can't get that, take twenty. Ii
fact, Teat, don't bring him back if you hav'
to sell him for stich Of con1-aoood!" an(
Uncle Ben laughed heartily, for he coul(
contain himself no longer. The crowd o
bar-room loungers joined in, while Tcat rod'
off, with their shouts ringing in his ears.
And such figure as he and that hors'
presented. Don Quixote, mounted on hi
'Rosinate," wasn't patch on it, while tn,
figures of Sancho Panza and his "Dapple'
would have been models for scu ptor il
comparison.
After the lapse Of few days, Teat return