The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-06-19

Souusei. DoCtor, we Wish your prOIeS
, sional opinion of the influence Of stripe,
when eaten, upon the passions?
, Witness.-'Sir, those who with the iigh
Of science and knowledge, have philosophic.
ally investigated the idiosyncracies of the
anthropidal species, particularly those deeply
versed in the department of gastronomy
have discovered that there is a reciprocity
OF active influence and sympathy existing
between his physiological and psychological
being. You must know, sir, that food, af-
ter undergoing proper degree of mastica-
tion, brought about by the antagonistic
action of the molars, and peregrinates the
larynx, thence on into the esophaguc, until
1t is domiciliated into the membraneous
receptacle Of digestible particles, vulgarly
called the stomach, being thus stimulated by
the gastrum, soon brings about an action Of
the spankit nervous system. The influence
is continaed on to the nervous spinosis.'-
Voice in the crowd, 'Glory, Hallelujarium.'
eCourt.-'keep order, Sheriff.
Sherif.-sOrder in the court. room, or I'll
put you in the jailbus.'
Court.-'Proceed, Doctor,'
Witness.-'Soon, sir, through all the rami-
6cations of the Theological system. Thus,
sir, are the pugnacious propensities of the
animal excited through the influence of gas
trum.'
Counsel.-sTell US in plain English, Doc
tor, when tripe is taken into the stomach,
has 1t tendency to arouse the passionsp
Witness.,Tripe, sir, is the astronomical
portion of the bovine race, which,
Counsel.-'We can't understand your
science, Doctor. Answer the question
what influence has tripe upon the passions?'
Witness.-'It is in my opinion, sir, form
ed from deep research among musty lomes
of medical antiquity, that tripe, when receiv-
ed into the gastrum, through the sympathetic
action of the nervous system, arouses the
belligerent propensities of our nature. For
the court will remember, said - q.
Next, MIR. NJ. D-was called to prove
the same point. DIS plain blunt old
Texan, stock raiser and beef seller-the very
antipodes of the last witness. He stood
before the court six feet three, in his suit of
buckskin, and his cow-whip on his arm.
Counsel.-'Mr. D. do you know the
influence of tripe upon the passions p
Witness.-'What does you mean-cow-
NAV or marrow-guts?
Counsel.-sYes, sir, we mean tripe, sir,
made from the maw.'
Witness.-'Never eat id bit in my life.
Always throws it to my bull ldogs.'
Counsel.-'Does it seem to render them
more ferocious?'
Witness.-'I don't know zactly what you
mean by ferocious; but they pitches in and
fights till dirt and ha'r flies like thousand
wildcats. But, Squire, you know | isn't
posted in the science and tlosophy like the
Doctor thar, and can't say whether its the
scurry belly, as he calls it, or the grassium,
which reckon is Doctor talk for grass in
'em.'
Here the Doctor interposed protesting that
he had used the venus cerebellum and gas
trum correctly.
Court,-'Gentlemen have you any further
testimony
Counsel.-sNo more, your Honor
Court.-sProceed then with the argument
Mr.. c., on the part of the defendant,
arose, and said:
sIf your Honor please, we have been called
upon to open the argument in the case, and
indeed it is with the greatest reluctance that
could consent to render my service in the
prosecution against the heroes of battles.-
Although he has come here, and denies this
charge, the evidence is conclusive and posi-
tive. One Of the witnesses swore that he not
RRlH saw tie R5iseRfg.; a5t ihe baE. .epsased iiee
world that he had aided and abetted the fa-
nous duel between Haines and McDufie of
South Carolina, and also between A. X.
McClung of Mississippi, and the Gear Of
Russia, fought upon the living and verdant
plains of rich Rhine, at a time too, when the
destiny of the world hung upon the result.
Has every legal and moral restraint flown to
dogs, and none left to break asunder the
heavy beacon of an ancient and benightsd
race of barbarians. This sacred statute
book answers in tones of sweetest strains !;
and from this we learn the thoughts of one
of you who disregards all law and morality,
and hangs his destiny and hope upon the
shattered spine of scraggy beech. Is he
young American-law-abi No! But
an old fogy. Here the defendant interrupt
ed the counsel, and drew his walking cane +.
The gentleman Mt the bar is one of whom
reverence, but as a prosecuting counsel
shall be compelled to say as much as this
statute-book, which stands in glowing letters
of gold.'
MIR. @. then arose, and addressed the court
on account of the prosecution: 'May II
please the Court the Colonel was of the
opinion that the word sfre' was necessary
to constitute case of duelling, rs it was
formerly, being ignorant of a recent statua.
~ enactment, which will read from Hart
ley's Digest, l743d page, viz: BE 1t enacted
by the Senate and House of Representative e'
Of the State of Texas, That in the mind oi
this body, the word fire. is not necessary tt
constitute duel, and that from and aftel
the passage of this Act Such is the law
, of the State of Texas. Counsel may tell yor
that he tried to reconcile the parties-tha
, he offered them a twenty-five dollar trips
supper to compromise. Twill not so grossl,
insult the Colonel as to suppose he is igno
{ rant of the fact that stripe SUPPER with {
few glasses of domestic whiskey,' woult
render the combatants more pugnacious-
, would increase their present angry feelings
into furious rage, or deep-seated hatred
and he was making this show of peaceabl'
intentions, only to draw the belligerents ir
, to a snare, and cause greater destruction
, and bloodshed. The court sees at once, th'
guilty depth of his dlabolical designs. But
, your Honor, this is proven more conclasively
, bv the fact adduced IN evidence, that HI
aided in loading the guns and directed flf
, teen buck shot to be put in, stating at the
time that there is sluck in odd numbers
He was intent upon blood and death. Blu
why should the Colonel profess such ferocit,
such disposition to fight and witness the
, slaughter of his fellow -man2 Certainly be
| cause he had dined on tripe and domestic
whiskey, and because from the natnre o
. his avocation, he always enjoyed those luxu
ries; or from another cause, perhaps still
more powerful, viz: that he is n member o
that national and patriotic order, yet fill
, clustering in its tendency, sThe Lone Star.
/ 'Tis needless to say more. submit tn
g case.'
Q Mr. J. arose: MAY it please the court,
rise in defence Of the lacerated Justice; sh
is bleeding at every pore, and it is hig h tim
: that the political Doctors. clothed in the con
secrated folds of the legal wardrobe, wer
, administering the pungent acid of Justice t.
D those who have dared to hurl the brick bat
Of insolence against her sacred person, o
t with lancets of unequivocated impertinenc
r to phlebotomize her pure and unde6led ar
teries. 1t is in this capacity that now rep
resent myself before this honorable court
e with the heaven born desire, as before in
t timated, of applying the healing balm o
: retribution to those who have, with sue