The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1858-03-03
sut Lovengood's Shirt.
BY 81, OF TENN.

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been whipped in free fgh. or wa:
just sstgowing one of his big drunks But
upon this point was soon enlightened.
why, Sut, what's wrong now p
"Hesp's wrong durn my skin if | aim
most ded. Lite Of that hoss, George, an
take horn, while take two Shaking
that everlasting flask Of his at me) an
plant yerself on that At log, an I'll tell
ye ef ken, tut it's most beyond tellin'
| reckon I'm the durndest fool out en- Utaw
scept my dad, for he acted hoss, an /
haint dun that yet alters in some trap
that wudent ketch a sheep. III drown
myself sum day, see if don't, just to stop
a family dispersion 10 make id fools on
themselves"
"How 10 1t, Sut, have you been beat
playing cards, or drinking, which is it ?"
MARA one that can't be did in these
parts but l swar I'm shamed--sick-
| L dm
"Ye know l boards with Bill Carr, at
his cabin, on the mountain, and pays fur
sich as l gifts, when l hev money, an when
l haven't any, why. he takes one-third out.
en- me in cussn and she, that's his wife
Bets, takes out tother two.thirds with
the battlin stick, and intrust with her
tongue, and the intrust's more'B prin'l q
heap more. She's the cussedes omen / sv-
er seed sny how, for jaw, breeden' and
pride. She can scold blister onto bulls
face, rite ON the curl, in two minits. She
outbreeds everything on the river-and
patterns arter ev'ry fashion she hears tell
on, from bussels to briches. Oh ! she's
one on em, and sometimes she's two or
three. Well ye see, got some hum.made
cotton truck to make new shirt outen,
and coaXed Bets to make it, and about the
time it were dun, here come lawyer John.
son along and axed for breakfast, wish
it had pizened him, durn his hide, and
wonder it didn't, for she cooks awful. mix.
ings when she tries. I'm pizen PROOF, my
self" (holding up his flask and peeping
through it "Or I'd been ded long ago.
,"Well, while be were eaten, she spied
out that his shirt was stiff and nifty slick
30 she never rested till she wormed it outen
him that preparation of -four did it /; and
she got lew particulars about the pro-
ceedings outen him by 'omen's arts-I
don't know how she did it, perhaps he does
Arter he left she set in and billed big
pot Of paste, nigh onto q peck of it, and
soused in my shirt and let soak awhile,
and then she tuck it and ironsd it out fat
and dry and sot it up on it's aidge sgin
the cabin in the SUD. Thar it stood as
stiff as 9ry boss hide, and it ratified like
q sheet Of iron, it did. 1t were pasted to-
gether all over When / cum to dinner
nothin' wud do but Unjust put it on. Well,
Bets and me got the thing open srtsr some
hard work. she pulling at one of the tails
and me at tother, and got into it. ,Durn
tbs everlasting new tangled shirt, / say,
| felt like had crawled into an old bee
gum and hit full of ants but it were like
lawyer Johnson's shirt, and I stud it like
q man, and went to work to build Bets
ash hopper. | worked powerful hard and
swet like hoss, and when the shirt got
wet it quit its hurtin'. .
"Arter got dun | took about four fin.
gers of red he'd, and crawled up into the
cabin loft to take a snuze. .....
"Well, when | walked up thought
was ded, had the cholery. for all the joints
could move war my ankles, wrists, knees
couldn't even move my head, and scarce
ly wink my eyes-the cussed shirt was
pasted fast onto me all over, from the pint
Of the tails to the pint Of the broadsx col
lar over my years. 1t sot to me as close
as poor COW does to her hide in March.
sqirmed and strained till sorter got it
broke at the shoulders and elbows, and
then l dun the durndest foolish thing ever
did in these mountains, l shufied my
briches of and tore loose from my hide
about two inches of the tail around, in
much pain and tribulation. Oh but il
did hurt Then took up plank outen
the loft and hung my legs down through
the hole and nailed the aidge of the front
tail to the floor before me, and the hind
tail nailed to the plank wot sot on
| unbottened the collar and risbands, rails.
ed my hands away above my hsai !, shut up
my eyes, said grace and jumped throaeh
to the ground floor" rsas.
Here Sut remarked, sadly:
"George, Pm darndsr fool than ever
dad was, hoss, hornets, and all I'll
drown myself sum of these days, see if
| lonitD