The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1858-01-14
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Punch thinks Experience. like Time, ssputs man
No professional man lives SO much from hand to
= mouth a dentist.
r The science of getting well III woman is like
violin playing. 1t depends principally the beau
ing
An Irshman tells Of a fight in which there was but
one whole nose left in the crowd and that belonged
to the tay-kettle.''
Courting is irregular, active, transitfse verb
indicative mood, present tense third person. singular
number, and agrees with all the girls in town.
CURIOUS Play ON VoRDs.-The following play
upon words cannot wei. be beaten:
81 cxnnot bear a down upon a hare,
When bare Of hair he strips the hare, for hare fo
To men it is indispensable to De worth money,
for without it they would be worth nothing.
More evil truths are discovered by the corruption
Of the heart than by the penetration Of the mind.
Is not every face beautiful in our eyes, which
habisually turns towards us With aectionate guilt
less smiles,
An Eastern Editor heads the list of Births, Mar
fiages, and Deaths-Hatched. Matched, and Dis
patched The rascal deserves to have his face
stratehed.
JoxEs--The philosopher Jones-has discovered the
respective natures of Distinction and Difference
He says that ga little Difference frequently makes
many enemies while little Distinction hosts
Of friends.
The best description of weakness we ever have
heard, Is contained in wag's query to his wife,
when she gave him chicken broth, if she would
try to coax that chicken to wade through the soup
once more.
Awestern editor perpetrates steals the following
on "Father Adam:''
He laid him doxn slept-and his side
D.4ss 1he he eisa sS The ssss Woman BRIDE
And his first sleep became his last rtpose-
TooL hero tell dia ui0 vrhv
dat woody head OBJ yours and de moon alike?''
"We, Sarnbo, guess it's case dey bof
round.
'No, dat am not it; it's cause dey am bof 'sposed
to be inhabited
Jusr So-A lecturer at Harvard College said in
lecture long ago ssViewing the subject from the
esUterc stsndpont Of Christian, exegetical analysis
and agslutinating the polsynthetical ectobasts of
homogeneous asceticism, perceive at once the
absolute individuality of this entity while from the
other standpoint of incredulous synthesis, which
characterize the Xenocratic hierarchy of the Jews,
we are constantly Impressed with the precisely anti
peristatic quality thereof"
True Kisses AND UMBRELLAs.-"K me-
steals my umbrella says Hunker, it's no use
maxim fuss; it only shows that umbrella equilibri-
um has been broken Now, if take from some
else, that restores the equpoise-here is really,
umbrella lost; and an umbrella is only lost when it
is used up"
guilt EVERY LIxEANEST.-There is a good story
Of party of verdant who attended court for the
first time during criminal trial, pressed in at the
door, and gaining toe-hoid upon the extreme edge
Of outer bench, took a survey of the around
the " Judges stand.'' .sWho are them twelve men
settin there clust together;' whispered Of the
party to waggish by-stander. pointing to the
iury-box- 'Those are the prisoners, was the reply
81 thought so 20 was the rejoinder: s if was
the jury, I'd convict every one Of 'em from their
looks alone Look at that head fellow, (pointing to
the foreman y see him watch what's goin on He
knows all about it, I'll warn't youl Well, they'll
get it-ten years q piece, least calculation 20 To
adopt novel expression, Comment is unnecessary"
"John." said father to his SON, one day, when
ne caught him shaving the 'down" of his upper lip,
'don't throw your shavingwater out where there
any barefooted boys for they might get their feet
pricked.''
During a late thunderstorm at Greenville, South
Carolina, the lightning struck mill, knocking over
two slaves, who at work in it. As soon as they
regained their feet, the first exclamation Of Of
them, in great surprise, was, Who fire dat gun ~
lady informs Boston editor that having good
constitution she can bear great deal Of happiness
Her idea Of perfect bliss is fast horse IN sleigh,
plenty Of buffalo robes and neat fitting overcoat
with man in it. She added, IL that Is not happi-
ness, I'm open to conviction as to what it IS!
Courting in the country il altogether different
nstitution from the city article In the former place
you get rosy lips, sweet cider. Johnnyake. and girls
made Of nature; and in the latter, collection OF
starched phrases, formal manners. fine SIX, great
Sewelry, and girls got up ''secandum srtem
Do all in your power to teach your children self
government II . child is passionate, teach him by
gentle means to curb his temper. II he is greedy,
cultivate liberaIity in him. ff be Is salky, charm
him out Of it BY frank good humor. II indolent,
accustom him to sxerton; and train him to per-
form even onerous duties with alacSity. II pride
comes in 70 make obedience reluctant subdue him by
counsel or discipline. In short, give your children
the habit Of overcoming their besetting SINS
To constitute perfs It gentleman. the best attri-
oofes Of the heart and head must be combined. He
who would indeed deserve that proud epthet must BE-
oevout courteous, and accomplished, gentle, Gener
Gus and brave; pure in vord and dss. disinterested
Pn'lanthropic, and, above an, inossant and intrepid
ehar'tabsy sncenEnR The wsak. The lovly, and ths
poor