Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1858-04-13
NO. So.
MISCELLANEOUS READING
THE EDITORS TRIALS.
Ri KATE NEVILLE.

sY KATE NEVILLE.
How often we think, when reading the news,
An Editor ALWAYS could please if he choose
But such paper az this, why, all must agree,
That a thing OF less interest they never did see.
But. Sir Critic, reflect ere you make noise on,
That one mans meat is another mans poison;
And lest YOU persist in your steady denlals,
VIII pve YOU a few of an EDITORS trials
Flrs. a pretty young lady, sprightly and fair
Win a paper in hand, waltzes up TO chair,
And hastily slancing DER all that she saw,
She thrusts il aside with mu'tered "Pshaw!
No marriages here
think it isqueer,
When there's ever SO many
They don't publish any.
Here's poetry, And oa'tes'
Sketches, Ana sieges,
And tales ARd lawsuits,
Without ending, Are pending;
But no pic.nics, or concerts, or parties for me
Such trash upon paper never did see.
Then nice young man, with cane and nous
tacha,
Who certainly thinks he is cutting dash,
Looks over the list OF plays and soirees,
As if vainly trying his fancy TO please,
In theatres, In races,
Circuses, ana chasss'
Operas, In oanqueV'
Balls, And calls
And finally wonders what editors mean
By printing paper not ht to be SEEN
Sentimental young lady next picks up the paper,
And reads by the light of dim burning taper,
And wonders, if lines addressed to Miss Bello,
Were not written to her by some clever young
fellow,
Who's pretty, and witty, and learned and wise;
But she stops in alarm at the dark hazel eyes,
For hers are blue,
What a pity, It's true!
And now, Mr.. Editor
'Tis all blamed on you.
What speeches. And lawing,
What sermons, AND Jawing'
And news, And clawing,
By dispatch, 10 match.
But no sketches or tales that can see;
What kind OF man must the Editor be!
Next a grave politician, who with dignity glows,
Adjusts his gold spectacles over his nose,
Takes huge pinch OF snuh before he proceeds,
Then opens the paper and leisurely reads,
OF breaches. OfSenate
And speeche, OF House.
And foreign Of railways,
Reports, And courts,
And says as he reads the last column OF war,
What strange kind of people these Editors are,
These rhymes and these love-stories to PRINT
If 'twould do any good, l would give them
hint.
Now prim old maid the paper espies,
And, holding il carefully of from her eyes,
And, frequently muttering, "La!" and ado tell
she manages, some way TO read very well,
The marriages, The robberies,
Accidents, And murders,
Suicides, All in
Deaths. A breath,
And, finishing wonders what sort OF a blunder
The whole OF tie community is under,
To support paper whose print is SO small
She wonders how some people read 1t at all
Next an angry contributor eager for fame,
Rushe, into the sanctum, to loudly complain
"I'm ruined, Sir, ruined my success, Sir, is oer
SO many mistakes were ne er heard OF before
Look here at this Sonnet addressed to my Lady,
You've made it Bonnet and Dress for Baby
Don't talk OF my writing, and say II was that;
You're IN Editor, Sir, but no gent-that Is hat.
The farmer complains that his crops are neg
lected,
While so much time is spent guessing who'll be
elected.
The minister says il should be more seda,e,
And not so much wasted in matters OF State.
And thousands of other complaints are made
known,
Which the Editors back has to bear all alone!
But the worst OF it is, that they all jnn in saying
Such paper as this he can print without paying!