Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1858-05-01
GuessI Will.


Is And think III marry "Bill," and out Of
pure sympathy shan't send him the
mitten as intended.
WIT AND HUMOR.
GTA quaint writer has defined time 70
be "the vehicle that carries everything into
nothing"
GFA young man without money, among
ladies, is like the moon on cloudy night
lie cant shine.
W What is the best line to lead man
with Crino-line.
And the best line to lead woman with,
is q Masculine.
G Why is lady putting on her corsets
like a man who drinks to drown his grief
Because in so-lacing herself she is getting
tight. ....
C7y=" Mr., Smith, don't you think Mr..
SkeeSicks is a young man OF parts ~
"Decidedly so. Miss Brown; he ia part
numskull, and part knave, and part fool"
y Debster reduces everything to math-
ematics. He got married because kissing
saved fifty per cent. on his sugar tax. Old
bachelors please take notice.
CT Halo, there what's your hurry ?
where are you goingP
'Going7 am running for an officeP
What nfice?'
the Squirrels Office; darn it, am sasdp
Bobby, what is steam,"
Boiling water"
s'That's right; compare it,"
positive, boil comparative. boiler; su-
perlative, bust"
~ When it freezes and blows, take care
of your nose, that it don't get froze, and
wrap up your toes, in warm wooden hose.
The above We suppose was written in
prose, by some one who knows, the effect of
cold SHOWS.
~ If you would have an idea Of the
ocean in storm, just imagine ten thousand
hills and four thousand mountains, all drunk,
ed ground, with lots of cavcrns in it for
them to step into now and then.
r'I tell You wot, Julius, had a mon
struus '.pute wild massa, dis murnin', down
in de cotton patch" "Wa, Wa, wot you
'spute abcut9'' "Why, you see, Julius,
massa come down da whar was holm, and
massa he say squash grow best on sandy
ground, an | say so too; and dar we 'spute
about for MORN one hour
Lesson IN ARITHMETIC. -Teacher-"Sup-
pose were to shoot at o rec with five birds
in it, and kill three, how many of them
would be left?"
John-"Three, sir"
Teacher-"No, two would be left, you Is.
noramus."
John-''No, there wouldn't; the three shot
would be LETT, and the other two would be
flied away."
A New FxEGEsls --A rather illiterate
clergyman was preaching in a parish, the
head deacon Of which rejoiced in the name
of Varnun. After the conclusion of his
sermon, he read notice that a meeting
would be held the next Friday evening %.
W at l>2 O'Clock. In explanation Of the
cabaistic initials, lie said: my brethren,
you will see that the meeting is to be held
D. v, which, l presume, means at Deacon
NarnIm'S.'
az Pappy, cant't l 90 to the geological
rooms to see the camolnile fight the Rhinos.
ercow2
Sertin, my son-but don't get your trows-
ers torn. Strange, my dea-, what taste
that boy has got for natural history-isn't
it? Nolonger ago than yesterday, he had
narratives from the clothes line.
No! Bless his little heart, come to bis
mother.
W-"Dad, you kno that brass thing the
fellow gin me for my trunk, there at the
depot2"
eyes"
"WelI, 'twan't nothing but brass, was
it,"
"Ne. 'sposs not.''
"Good well, l tucked it on to tina: hack
man back there for quarter, and he went
off satisfied"
Jonathan found out what kind of o game
he had played when lie saw the hackman
present his check, and take his trunk from
the baggage-master in spite of his loud pro-
tes;ations that it belonged to him.
THE MARCH OF INTELLECTUAL clergy nan
was endeavoring to instruct one of his suns
day schoo scholars, ploughboy, on the ma
ture Of miracle.
NOW, my boy" said he, Suppose you
were to see the sun rising in the middle Of
the night. what should you call that2"
THE mune, please sur"
mo, butt said the clergyman, suppose
you knew that it was not the moon, but the
sun, that you saw it actually rise in the mid
die Of the night-what should you think ?"
"Please, sur, should think it was time to
get up"
~ Dame Grundy was pattern of good
ol tod
happy !P III ,.o,, ,,.,,.. :. . ,, :. ;,.e. . o
dy, one day to mis- neiglbor Smith, ri really
wish could hear Mrs. Grundy scold once,
the novelty ofthe thing would be so refresh-
ing"
"rll tell YOU" said his sympathsing
neighbour. show to obtain your wish. Go
into the woods. and get load of the crook
eldest sticks you can possibly find, and, my
word for it, she will be as cross as you Can
DESIRE"
Farmer Grundy followed his neiighbor
Smiths advice. lie collected load of
the most ill-sAaped, crooked, crotchety ma.
terals that was ever known under the name
If fuel, taking care that his spouse should
have access to no other wood. The day
passed away however, and not word was
said ;another, and still an another, and no
complaint. At length the pile disappeared.
swell, wife," said Mr.. Grundy, "I'm
going after more wood. III get another
load Just such as got last time '~
"Oh yes, Jacob" it will be so nice, if you
will tor such crooked, crochety wood as
you brought before does lay around the din
ner pot so nicely"