Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1858-02-13
HU OLkOyrS.

DUMBFoUNDING A DANDY-On board a
Western steamer, live Yankee and dan
dy sat directly opposite each other at the ta-
bic. After the captain had said grace, the
dandy threw himself back on his dignity,
and called out in pompou. tone to the
waiter.
"You, waitah bwing me the supportah
of a young female hen, fresh egg, and, sab,
rub the bottom of my plate with a specimen
of fruit vulgarly called an onion, which will
give my dinnall delicious favah."
The Yankee quietly threw himself back,
in imitation Of his neighbor, aud in nasal
tone called out:
''Yeou ALFRED, dod-b blasted, dead-rabbit-
ed, pesky lookin, little trained black bigger!
fotch me peck of corn and bundle of
fodder, and rub me down with brick bat
while feed"
Men ceased to think of asticating, while
an uproarious yell fairly shook the cabin,
during which the dandy was seen streaking
out of the door, with finger in each ear.
CLASSIC FROM ARKANsAs.-A good story is
told OF a Bostonian's first appearance in op-
lite society in Arkansas. The company was
engaged in dancing. but the loveliest female
present occupied a chair at the window
without partner. Stepping up to the la
dy, with palpita ing heart, his mind great
ly excited for fear of a refusal, he exclaimed:
"Will you do me the honor to grace me
with your company for the next sett?'' Z
Her lustrous eyes shone with unwonted
brilliancy, her white pearly teeth fairly glis-
tened in the Pickering candle light, her
heavy snowy bosom rose and fell with joy
II ropfuro cI rapliaI
''Yes-sir-ee for I've sot, and sot, end sot,
till I've abOnt took rOot!
GY Fun sllonld be cultivated as fine art,
for it is altogether fine thing. Who ever
knew funny man to he a ad one? On the
contrary, is not he, nine times in ten, gen.
erous, humane and 60 d? To be sure, h.
is. Fun--it is great thing. 1t smooths
the rough places of life, makes the DISPOSE
ton sweet and rosy, scatters sunshine and
flowers wherever we go, gives the world a
round, jolly countenance, makes all the girls
pretty, and mankind one of the best tami-
lies out. We 60 in for fun.
To know when to stop is a divine art.
The following specimen of curious punctua-
ton will illustrate our meaning" PardsoL.
A protection against the sun, used by ladies
made of cotton and whaebone. Straps :.
An article worn under the boots of gentle
men made of calf skin. Kites: Light frames,
covered with paper, sent into the air
by boys with tails on them"
NEARLY OUT.-"Have you bible in your
house? p asked an agent of the American
Bible Society. The head of the family re-
piled, EYES," whereupon the agent wished
to see it, and after search the only vestige
found was two leaves, which the head of the
household presented to the agent, with the
remark that lie was not aware that they
were so near out.
tHClass in the middle of geography,
stand up. "What's a pyramid2"
"a pile of men in a circus, one on top OF
the other"
"Where is Egypt?"
"Where it alters was"
E%An old lady combated the idea of the
moon being inhabited, by re'narking, with
emphasis, that the idea vas Incredible
"for,' said she, ''what becomes of the peo-
ple in the moon when there is nothing left
of it but little streak -
EypA farmer was once asked what infer.
ence he could draw from the text in job
"And the wild asses snuffed up the wind .
"Well," he replied, "the only Inference thai
can draw is that it would he long time
before they would grow fat upon it.
~ A housemaid who was sent to call {
gentleman to dinner, found him engaged ir
using q tooth-brusll. swell, is he coning?'
. said sthe lady of the house, as the servan
returned. s'Yes. ma'am, directly" was .h'
reply; "he's just sharpening his teeth. F"
H A little boy, at his fathers funeral
observed a child of one of the nelghb"r
crying bitterly, doubtless in sympathy will
his little friend This reused the orrhar
boy, who exclaimed, ''you needn't cry; thii
amt none of your funeral -
~ Dutch grocer-to little girl who OBJ
jecis to Spanish quarters-',dat yust as gut
as any one you yust take it to Cuba ant
deyll give you twenty-five cents for it,"
| wA backwoodsman saw lady at a Pi
ano, and sung out, "Jim, jis come here. :
Tarnation, if here amt woman pulling
music out of her chist."
O. Bakers, generally speaking, are Sc
OF loaf-ers, often kaead-y, and not Away
we'll. hrenA