Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1858-05-08
WIT AND HUMOIs.

.GT Pigs can't be driven but they are
often lead.
O. The best bite we ever had when we
went fishing, was the bite we took along.
Cy He was a wise man who cut hole in
lis barn>door for his big cat, and q lesser
ore for his kitten.
GcV If a mans boot creaks, hasn't lie got
music in his souly Address this office i'm
medately.
| EeyP The best capital for young man is
capital youEg wife. So gentleman in
forms us who has just tried it.
f- a pretty woman pleases the eye, a
good woman pleases the heart. The one is
Jewel and the other treasure.
w The name of what public institution
| would express the condition of man about
to be married to a lady named Mary?
Answer-In-fr-mary.
- Lola Montez says runaway matches,
like runaway horses, end in a smash up, and
she advises girls to hang, drown or poison
themselves rather than elope.
CY Two gentlemen were lately examin-
ing the breast of plough on stall in u
market place.
l'll bet you crown, said enc, you don't
know what 'tis for.
Done, said the other, it is for sale.
The bet was paid.
Gy An exchange contains an advertise
lncnt by an Express company of uncalled- for
goods. BY an accident the letter had drop
ped from the word 'lawful," and it now
reads: "Persons to whom these packages
are directed are requested to come forward
and pay the awtul charges on the same."
CYA company of persons who were 60
ing into ecstaces at Niagara Falls, observed
an lrishman standing by apparently un-
moved.
My friend,' said one of them, it's truly
wonderful sight to see this vast body of wa
ter rushing over the gddy heght.'
AN what's to hinder it9' broke in Pat.
METEMpsYouosIs AND REvENGE.-Je :
Now spos'n you was to be turned into an
animal, what would you like to be, Bill ?"
Bill 80, I'd like to be lion, because
he's SO -"
Little Tom, (who had some recent painful
experience at school, interrupting eagerly, J
20, no, don't be a lion, Bill, be wasp and
then you can sting the schoomaster,"
my dear Jerusha Ann, may see you
home from singing school to- night, and keep
the dogs from biting you?"
."No, Jonathan" pettishly answered the
down easter, II don't want you'd sooner
the dogs would bite me-"
'Perhaps you didn't hear what | said p"
asked Jonathan, stepping up to her.
eyes, l did. You !asked me if you could
see me home!'
"No, didn't, bawled Jonathan, I asked
you how your mother was!'
Gy A farmer who had employed green
Emeralder, ordered him to give the mule
some corn in the ear. On coming in, the
farmer asked:
'Well' Pat, did you give the corn9'
'To be sure did,
How did you give it?'
'An sure, as yez told me, in the ear
sBut how much did you give9
We'll, yez see, the crayter wouldn't hold
still, and switching his ears about so, I giue
about a .fst.fuU in both ears.
LADIES REooLLEorloN.-"Mary, my love,
do you remember the text this morninga"
Mary-"No, Papa, never can remember
the text, I've such a bad memory"
by the way, Mary" said her mother,
''did you notice Susan Brown"
Mary-"Oh, yes. What fright! She had
on her last years bonnet, done up, q pea
green silk, a black lace mantila, brown gai-
ter, an imitation Honiton collar, lava
bracelet, her old ear-drops and such fan !!
Omyv'
Mother-"W my dear, your memory is
certainly very bad.'