Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1858-02-25
How Tom COrwin Rid his Sister of an
Obnoxious Lover.
BY A WESTERN MA.

Obnoxious Lover.
BY A WESTERN MAN
Every one has heard Of the eloquent, pa
lthetic and humorous stump orator Of Ohio
He was pronounced by Mr.. Clay Ga mos
competent authority to be the finest STUMP
speaker he ever heard, and in this opinion
[ most heartily coincide, after having heare
Clay, Crittenden, Jones Of Tennessee
Polk, Benjamin, Soule, Randall, Hunt
Tom Marshall, Gen. Lamar, Bates, Doug
las, and host of others. ~
Well, this great orator carried his love o
fun into every department of life. In the
private circle, where he knew every person
and where be unbosomed himself fully, he
was the most delightful and genial conver-
sationalist I ever listened to. [ do not
know that he now, as age and infirmlty are
sreeping on, INDUCES this proclivity to hui
NOR so much as he used to do. But some
twenty years ago he used to tell with great
gusto, to following story:
''In early life-so early that cannot re-
member the removal-my father pulled up
stakes and carrying with him the house
hold goods, went from Bourbon county, Ky.
where was born, to Ohio. Notwithstand-
ing a rough-and- tumble struggle with the
world, he had hard time to get on, owing tC
numerous and rapidly increasing family.
Well, family matters had not much improv-
ed when had reached my thirteenth or
fourteenth year. - ,=+
cat this time there lived in the neigh
borhood young man by the name Of Pick
ering. He had inherited well-stocked
farm, was looking, and made strong
profession Of religion. This latter qualif-
cation caused him to find peculiar favor in
the eyes of my father, who always was
blinded by professions Of extra piety.
'"This fellow had a very strong banker
ing after one of my sisters, who was very
pretty girl. To her he was peculiarly dis
tasteful She seemed always annoyed at
his presence Yet he was ever at her side.
She dared not dismiss him entirely, for fear
of the paternal anger. Things went OH in
this way for year or two, and, as [ par
took largely of my sisters hatred to him, ]
resolved to get rid of him in some way.
5ls lnsGJ foEs piaB fUr !,
thing occurred which gave mcthe slightest
hope of being successful
! seat last returning home late one SUM-
mar night from MILL I found the family at
their nightly devotions. Passing by the
windows Of the room in which they were as
sembled, and pretty soon I discovered that
he was nodding, and finally his head drop
ped. Now was my opportunity. [ stole
silly; into the hail. and reaching the hall
door, which was slightly ajar. and close by
which Pickering was, ''on bended knee ]
reached in and. quickly pulling his chair
from under him, he rolled heavily as sound
sleeper would upon the floor. The noise a
larned all. The old gentleman stopped in
the midst of his almost interminable prayer,
and saw the position of Pickering. All
the family laughed outright; even my mo-
ther smiled 81 e.. -
pickering endeavored to pick himself
up as rapidly as possible, but he had touch
ed the old man upon his tenderest point
It was evident, from his rubbing his eyes.
that he had slept under the old gentleman
fministrations and had not my father re-
putation far and wide for the fervency and
strength of his ministrations, and was not
Pickering his protesting brother? It was
too much. Slowly yet dignifedly did the
old man approach him. 'Begone, hypocrite! J!
he cried in thunder tones. Never enter
my house again"
''Pickering was thunderstruck. He felt
that he could make no apology which would
not add to the insult. He had no suspicion
of the exterior force which had aided him
in his fall He at once found his hat, took
up7his line, of march, and completely crest
fallen, passed by me, as stood grinning in
the shadow of the porch :
cat suitable time | entered. got my
supper, was told.by BROTHER, in hurried
whispers, what had happened, and then |
stole off to bed, affecting ignorance and
laughing most heartily, as ensconced my
self in the sheet, at the complete success of
my plan.
"Next day cautiously impaired my Sc
cret to my interested sister. She was in
her own room at the time, and she threw
herself upon the bed and rolled in agonies
and convulsions of laughter. She had been
emancipated forever from the attentions Of an
obnoxious lover The old gentleman did not
hear the real state of the facts for full twen-
Ety years afterwards; but when he did, he
/ laughed heartily D. -,-~----e-'--.---"-e.@
80 - -7--- = 2Ef&A
H' 'How much did yees ask for thin
buttons 7" inquired an Irish customer !.
/ Fifteen cents - 'tssss .', siti0a - ~ +.
/ I'll give ye thirty -siven.' .....s ,-'.
II didn't say fifty I said fifteen re-
/ pied the honest dealer. sa-.s ,3,frs e.. g..
.Bedad,, an I'll give you tin cints, thin, !"
was the prompt reply. .7esst ..r
/ HIf you, want an ignoramus to respect
you, ,''.dress to death" and wear watch seals
about the size of brickbat.