Cleveland morning leader. [volume] (Cleveland [Ohio]) 1854-1865, 1858-09-07
MORNING LEADER.
A Fourth of July Visit ter Bostun !
BY AN UNPROTECTED FEMALE.

l bleeve hain't told you nothin' about going
down below, tew Independence, a number O.
years ago. Let's me see, 1t had been-wal, !
amt obliged to tell, ekzackly, how many years
1t had ben, sence I'd been out o. sight ov the
smoke o my own chimblys and / took It inter
my head TO see a leetle bit of the world and so
my nabOr Snaekerib FantOdd driv me over ter
the Tree-TOad Holler Stationus, in his ole hoss
and shay, an took the cars for Bostun
Now the fact is, I've allus helm tell as the
gentlemen in Boston was master civil and per
lite tew all womin-folks, but | snum, / never
was so put upon, ReUeT, as l vas in that raekiiy
city. Tho must say that the flst few men 1
met arter comm out OF the depo, was mirack-
lously Perlite, and rgully urged me ter take a
ride IN 4 hack, or al forgot what they cali
them other two-wheeled sort O. go-carts; l tole
EN- was grately obleeged to en-, but I'd Jest
ekzackly as lives walk, I'D ben setting so long
AT that one on 'em looked at tothers, and put his
I thumb on the eend Nv his noze, and made believe
play on jew-sarp, with his fingers. Poor feller
l spose he was deef and dumb, and couldn't ony
talk by wrtin words with his fingers on air
/ I've hearn Nv such things afore.
Wall, purity soon, l met a boy; an says "Can
you tell me, my lad, which would be my nigh
est road to the Bostun tavern z"
Starting" says he; stake the fust street ter
the right, then turn down the second left-hand
corner, right on THO court, up an alley-way,
under an arch, an you will come tew a tip-tOp
| tying up place, with the tallest kind Nv feed"
l want no wiseTn l was afore, for want used
TO following such kind Nv directions as that, so
/ traipsed on a spell longer, and then / asked
another youngster TO pint me out the way.
"Any grass growing in your shOesl" says
he, as pert as you please.
4" What's that ter you!" says !; "answer
civil question, can't ye I" WhereupOn he cut
stick, holerin' out
II say, granny" "a pretty name ter call an
unserfisiieated damsel ike me, want it now y
'bring US a fsw nutcakes next time yer come
down, will yei" What sarcy little sarpents them
BOstun boys be, ter be sure. The next person
l asked the way was man.
Faith and be jahers," says he, fan' Is it me
self an me a stranger in the coontry'd, be after
showing other folks the way, whin divil fut
Nv it can lay eyes on meself an tTath -
began to be afeared | should be kept stOm-
PIN about town all day long, but bym by / cum
up with a rather shabby looking ieller, that said
he could show me Jest the place for me to put
up at, an insisted on carrying my pOrtmantoe.
AFTER walkin' on a spell We cum tew 4 CRATE
brick buildin', with more signs an you could
shake stick at, all over the front ont, (he said
that was the fashion for city tavens) that pro-
we'd ter be the very place he was looking for.
He said this was such a cutydangously we'll
kept tavern, that twas Oyerrun with customers,
an it was dredful hard work for strangers to git
in at all; but he happened TO be acquainted with
the landlord, an if I'd Jest run down flight o
steps he pinted out tew me a leadin' down ter
the kitchen, he'd 90 an speak ter the landlord,
an GIT me in by hook or crook, if twas posi-
bic thing.
l was dredful sort o. confused by the racket
in the street, and was glad enough ter git out
ont; so down stairs | went inter a CRATE big
room-0, my heyes, how hot twas-sot round
with forty-leven tables, some on 'em covered
with nasty plates an heaps Nv fish-bones an
potater skins beside Nv 'em, an several men,
with whitish aprons on, clearin' off the dirty
dishes, an putin on clean o;,:- a 1iii 'l'sIe
was sumo more men cOOkln all sOrls Nv
things, at a queer kind Nv stove stretchin' away
long on one side o. the room. Gentlemen kept
coming down the steps, an settin' down ter
the tables as though they felt Perfeckly ter
hum, and calm for this and that, and tother
thing; and eathing as though ev'ry mothers
son Nv em he'd made bet at he could swaller
his vitels quicker than ary other man O. 'em.
At last / got raul sick O. waitin', for twas
past one O'Clock, an l was gettin' hungry my
self; tho didn't ekzackly like ter take some
O. the cookies out Nv my baskit, an 90 TO eatin'
on EN-, with so many men folks about, an
ev'ry one on m a starin' away at me as though
1 hed'nt no bizness ter be there at all. Sou
goes to one O the men at was coOkin'- an
made him a kerchy, and saws I-''Sarven, I'll"
fWhat'n We hev q says he, whopping a
monst.ous great slice NV beef steak of NV a
gridiron on tew platter, and hackin' crate
cash intew 1t, ter see if twas done.
"Be ye very full, jes' nOwf" says l.
Not quite SO full as we was" says he,
lookin' at the empty tables.
Il don't mean down here" says !, ''but over
head"
"Dunno nothing about up overhead" said
he.
"Wal, can you tell me- - says !, ''where I can
find the tavern-keeperl"
"What tavern-keeperl" says he, stlrin' at
/ me with mite and main
9Why, the Landlord Nv the tavern, up over
this ere kitchen" says /, pretty sharp, fer l
/ begun ter think he was reglar stOopid, aud
| didu'nt know B from broomstick.
This is an eatin' sullar," says he, short as
pi-crust, San there amt nothin but q toe-doc-
/ tors Office, and pot'ecaTy's shop, and bed
bug and cuckroach sterminator's buzsar, and a
/ RAJ trap emporium, on the fust floor above"
Goodness sakes alive" says l, You don't
say so; then where hex that peskey boy gone
tew with my portemantoe j.
I'VE don't keep no boy" says he; can If
you've got one, you'd better keep an eye on I'M,
that's all I've got ter say"
! An at that, he turned round tew a feller that
/ was irwin tripe, an said sOmethin' tew I'm
| about some woman or other that seemed to be
a roin' crazy; should ha' liked ter hev asked
/ who she was, an all about 1t, but l was so
tooken up with my own onlortynit sarcumsian-
ces, that l couldn't think Nv other foikses con-
sarns.
s'Twan't my boy" says /, tonly one cum
across In the road; an he offered tew show me
the highest road ter the tavern, an said this
was one, and now what do you s'POse he's gone
and done with my POrtemantOe!'i
"Hooked it, most likely" says he.
40 massy on u.s." says /, ''an' my tother
gown an all my 90 tO-meetin' fi1ins in it; what
shall dew ~
Speak ter the pOlease," says he.
"Where is it," says /, 81 cant waste my
time no longer a bOtherin' with the likes Nv
you. This amt no place for wimin, nuther."
/ thought that was a purity strong hint Tor
me to be gom' an go l did; an haint sot
eyes on my PortmantOe from that day to this
Wal, 4 man with a frock on, driyin' load o
hsy. did make out, at last, ter show me the way
ter the tavern; an mighty stylish place twas
tew.
1 went up the steps, an raped Nobody
| cum ter the door. or even bid me walk" so l
made bold ter go right straight IN A man in
the entry shows me up tew denominations long
flights O. stairs into a nice, large bed room'
with hanson woolen carpet on the floor
Bym by CRATE big bell went tarin. about
the house, up stairs and down stairs, a ringin',
o, my l-wus an little BughOrne did, that time
the poor creature got afoul Ov hornii's rest
After that racket stopped, somebody raped at
my chamber door, and said dinner was ready.
Purity time for dinner, thinks ter myself, bot
however, 1 followed hull parcel ov folks down