Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07
Fee Past ~. Toe Slew.
ACT I.-scsEs l.

Tss Fast -. Tee slew.
ACT r.-scsxs 4
Enter n. lsgy, ssalkisg Asckserds and
J6rpsrds II hi parsesage:
Oh, this crazy world this crazy world |!
everything goes By steam, except what
goes BY Lightning. Hssk! there is >
scssech ~ II hundred devils screamed
= oaee. and then roar, and the rattle Of
wheels, and train Of cars rush by like .
eonss endowed with life. Everything is
On ths high pressure sysssm. Iverily BE-.
lisvs shst the earth 10 . Locomotive, with
volcsnos for smoke pipe, and The cslss.
tials have built . railroad to "sternal
smash ssd We are oil aboard the train,
with crazy devil for engineer, ssd with
the brskemsr oil drunk or asleep! How
can respectable old gentleman live on
this plsnst7 Everything il in . vhirl.
Business men, politicians, lawyers. every.
body but clsrgymen, seem in . brain fe-
ves, and even few Of the clergy are for
ever talking Of progress progress ! until
life hss become great scramble to get
ahead. What shall I do? l wish that
could get into one Of those planets that
only turn round once in seven years.
WoulJn't that be nice place for . con-
ssrvs.iye old gentleman7 One year oi
calm twilight; two years and > half night
Think Of the long evenings, lasting sir
mopths-tbsn year and half 10 sleep
--six months from daylight to SUNRISE =
month 10 eat breakfast in. Then year
and half to sundown again, with si1
months siesta on sofa at noon. and so or
to the end. All that would be life o.
the sort for me. But II one dies here, he
csLno. rest. The spiri,ualists will have
him knocking about in No time. He mus
tip the tables, make speeches for Judge
Edmonds, and turn Professor Hsre's spir
it catcher. What on earth shall do?
There ding dong goes the door bell, a.
if house was ON FIRE. Some man Of pro-
gress, I'll be bound, with another uew idea
10 bis head.
bridget! Bridget where on earth is
The Irish buzzy7"
bridget from the top Of tho stairs. J.
'Iiere, what do you waut7"
go 10 the door, the bell rings.'
"Yes, in . minute but I've got me
hoops on, and cant get down s,airs, th.
way is so narrow. Wait until l get on Z
chair. to climb out OF my dress"
"Wait, you huzzy! There goes the bel
again. ! must go to the door myself. OIL
the bell-wire will be broke
lMr. Fogy goes to the door, where {
young man of eighteen, with patent lea
ther boots, with = patent hat on his paten
head, turned out by Fowler & Wells. prac
siegl ph,eDologists. stands At the door
looking like live fashion plate from &c
MO Scotts.)
"Ah, my boy, what do you want''
"Boy, am not boy, sir, (twirling hi
patent goatee,) ! am . general agent 70
the society tor improving the race, and
have come to Icy our plans before you an'
get your patronage
"Ah, yes, with . groau,) walk in, sir
walk in"
"Well, sir, have just ten minutes ant
three quarters 10 spare, before the ligh,
ming train leaves for the city Of Go-it
while.y you 're.young, and / can develo
the grandest scheme for regenerating men
that has ever been discovered, 10 tha
time"
"Regenerasing men7 Why, sir, l hav
been preaching gospel regeneration thi
forty yearA The only way ! know Of j
for men to repent and live pure lives"
"Oh, that's all out of date. Why, now
s.dsys, man can become . Christian il
thirty seconds by the watch. II don
change his life .: oil. He can cheat an
gamble in politics and lotteries, buy an
sell negroes, and lie himself into Office al
just - we'll. The parson does up the pie
ty nova days, and eli that . fashiouabl
sinner has to do Is to sign paper, tcreed
l believe they call theml pay his quarter
age, and he can get free pass on the frs
class trains to heaven, where he can pre-
enpt' the best site for heavenly mansion,
and realize for his lots in three days
That old idsa Of Pilgrims Progress 10 d
down in the market, and won't pay 10 Gu
on dollar. But ! want 70 show you m
plan"
lMr. Fogy stares-too much struck u
TO speak,
"You see manis but . combination o
electricity and the Odylic force. clothed i
6esh and blood. II, therefore, you CO.
concentrate and combine those element
in proper proportions, you can make mel
~ fast - you please. Bya recent won
dsrful invention. by Professor A.gass. hs
is, we have got machine for supersedins
entirely, the necessity Of being born.
will bring 10 machine and show you hov
il works. Here, you see, is q generation
Of electricity. and on this aide it is impree
asted with magnetism and runs of int
this va.. pure Odyle. Now, We ill ,hi
vat with due quantities Of tho had of foo
which man needs 70 produce the righ
proportion Of bone, muscls aud nerve, ra
II o6 aftsr Il has become fused, into thos
| moulds for men, women and children, q