Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1858-06-04
MATRIMONIAL PHILOSOPHERS.
By A. II. BANKS

Vlctlon, with savage earnestnesS to Mrs Snug
gins, that he hadn't. Ifhe had expected moth
ing, (vfds an ancient volume,) he might have
been a blessed individual; rs it was, he was a
Wcfully disappointed one.
Mrs SmugSinS quietly delivered n similar
opinion respecting herself, and went on with her
knitting with an aggravating calmness
Mr.. ; walked about the room evidently un-
Tier the impression that the law for - assauIt
and battery was both unhallowed and uncon-
stItutiOnal
Suddenly he stopped.
Mrs. Scruggins Mrs Scruggins - he
reared, as he received no reply.
Veil, well, l hear you mani hear Won -
Sald that amiable lady; and she took up another
loop. What is it?''
. Am L to have a pudding for my dinner. or
nOt?' -
Perhaps you may, and maybe you mayn't -
was hIs ribs unsatisfactory reply
Wellwe'll see about that, y snarled Mr.. s.,
stamping around, and making his coattails fly
about
Well my dear, You had perhaps best 60 and
see about il; Sukey's in tho kitchen - And
then she dropped stitch.
i" You d aggrayatc a saint, Madam" ex-
claimed Mr.. Smuggins.
Do saints upset chair, in that way" was
the meek inquiry.
- Mrs Smuggins,' said the male proprietor
2l tnat euphonlous name, confronting his sloep-
ing partner.
Win you make me pudding, or not,'
q You won't?"
Don't bother me-Ive told you once"
fancy, Mrs. SmuggiDs, that YOU entered
into compact to obey me, - said her shamefullv
deceived lord, beating the DEVILS tattoo on his
best carpet.
a." won't be ordered ~ was the reply. And
the lady, with n great deal of dignity. picked
oF al
In another minute the outraged gentleman
was IN the kitchen.
SuEey, he said, furiously, make me a
eurrant dumping for dinner-plenty of cur
Why, sir" replied that young lady, here's
Mr.. Smuggins was i'll the same dreadful po,i
tion that we could imagine a certain editor
would be IN deprived OF grievance He
Was fairly aabbergaSted- wordless
with the exception of Nonsense" which
came fsebly forth.
hlssus made 1T with her own two hands an
hour ago"
And there, sure enough, bobbing up and
down, wa' glorious sized dumpling-tkc spe-
cies of dumping on which he dOated
Considerably notified. yet filled with a
sense OF wrongcd husband, he proceeded to
his wifes room.
Well, madam" he began, so it seems
therc is pudding after all.
- Is there - was the echo
Yes, madam, and it is lucky for you that
there IS"
is it, really" was the provocative re-
sponse.
= Yes, madam, it's. In fact. Won dared
not no Mrs Smuggins, dared not have DISC
beyed me. You knew that it was made, and
wanted 10 give a specimen Of your Internal
cantancrOusneSS."
''In-deed!" replied Mrs S, with r suspi-
cIOus emphasis Now, it you don Z leave the
room, will; all that I've got to say is. that
won't be OTdcTeI'' And she went TO another
room, slammed the door, and locked it, Mr..
., boilingOver with Indignation consoIed him
self as he went down town with the fact that
ne hsd gained his point, and that his pudding
wac boiling too
Dinner time came. and so did our Injured
husband. dinners the time TO bring 'em
home-) He sat down, said nothing looked
daggers, and pretended to quarrel with the
tenderest of tenderloins. The fact was how
ever, that he was preserving an enormous cor
her for the dumping.
The dumping came. Mr.. Smuggips undid
the lower buttons OF his vest, drew himself half
foot nearer to his work, and handed his plate
saying gruffly, " Give me some of that ~
You can have il all, my dear was the
mild sequlescence of his wife, as She pushed
the dish towards him.
Mr.. Smuggins took off the cover He turned
pale. - What's this ?" he shouted.
The pudding, my dear. was the reply
That the have you been doing TO il ~
be frantically demanded.
rolled II In the ashes nv sweet love You
know you said this morning that dared not
diSObey You. No more have, my dear. There $
your pudding-eat 1t.
Tho specimen of eOpjugal obedience disap-
Pearsd suddenly out Of the room with hearty
laugh 1t was lucky for her that the door was
Hnr 4.
for prompt exit.
Mr.. 5. said many highly immoral thing on
the impulse Of the moment; however, he was
too much of philosopher to let his pudding
COO, so ne cut it open, and scoopcd out the
lie then went down town, and gave a little
boy a lick on ths head for prcsuming to slip
down against him
ne didn [ go home to supper, but stepped over
10 InompSon's, aud then went to the theatre
ABOUT Ten clock, something in the play
seened SO TO tickle his fancy amazingly, for he
sefatcned MS head, as though an idea had sud
denly taken root there, and smiled Hamlet
touched the Conscience Of n king with a pIay
bad play touched tho conscience Of Thona.
Smugginst IL looked like il, TO i,dge from,
analogy for the king alluded to diin { depart
Yuiekor than he did The main difference be-
tween Mr- nmuggins aud the crowned black
guard was, that the former made his exit with
grin on bis phiz, and the latter didn't.
Mr. , carried his smile home with him, and
up to his bedroom, where Mrs ;. was making
ParadoxIcal preparations by disembarrassing
Bay.
Deuce take it." said he, a few minutes af-
terWards, with an oliyo-branch creak in his
tone say, Mary, do you know where my
nIght-eap is2 If you do wish you'd get i,
for me; that's good girl
TO be sure will, Thomas. was tha hearty
response. ''Ah here it %
Thank you"
Look here, Thomas said Mary, LAYING
her hand gently on his arm I'VE had words to
day; L hope they will never happen again. We
haven been together very long, and we NAV
as well just make up our minds to start
straight, or We shall be coming in some day or
other most cOnfOundedly crooked. promised
10 love you; and | do, dearly. promised TO