Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1858-01-07
@muslng 8eabmg,
HOW BEN PURTLE GoTHIs WIFE.

as II II cnerlShed the Supremest contempt lor
its next neighbor. His face was freckled as
the most bespotted turkey egg. His nose
supported at the bridge huge lump, while
the end turned viciously to one side. His
mouth had every shape but pretty shape.
His form was ugly. The very climax Of
ugliness was Ben Pnrtlc-what was more
still-Ben had a handsome, bouncing. bloom
ing wife-such as can only be grown upon
q country farm.
"How in the deuce" said l to Ben one
day, "did you ever get such wife, you un-
couth, misshapen quintessence of montrosity
Ben was not at all offended at the imper
tinence of my question, and forthwith pro-
ceeded to solve the mystery thus:
"Well, now gals what's sensible, ain't
cotched by none of your purity hifalutin airs.
I've seen that tried MORN once. You know
Kate was alters considered the purtiest gal
in these parts and all the young fellers in
the neighborhood used to try to cotch her.
Well, 1 used to go over to old Sammy's, too,
just to kinder look on, you know, and cast
sleeps eyes at Kate. But la la |! sakes y
I had no more thought that I could get Kate
than Jerusalem cricket could hide in the
hair that wasn't on Sammy's bald head-nc
stree. But still, couldn't help going on,
my heart would kinder futter, and my ears
would burn all over, whenever I'd 60 to talk
to Kate. And one day when Kate made
fun of me, like, it almost killed me sure. !
went home with something like rock jost'
lin abont in my breast, and swore I'd hang
myself with the first plow line I found"
"Did you hang yourself?"
Ono; daddy blazed out at me for not ta
king old Ball to the pasture in the morning
and scared me so bad I forgot it.
"Well, one Sunday morning-( reckon il
was about year after the hanging scrape,I
I got up and scraped my face with daddy;
old razor, and put on my copp'rus britches.
and a new linsey coat mamma had dyed with
sassafrac bark, and other 6xens, and went
over to uncle Sammy's. Now, I'd got tc
loving Kate like all creation, but I'd never
cheeped to anybody about my feelings. But
I knowed I was on the right side of the old
folks.
"Well, now, amt it quar-" continued Ber
after short pause, during which he rolled
his quid to more convenient place in hi;
mouth, show feller will feel sometimes
Something seemed to say as went along
Ben Purtle this is great day for you, and
then my heart jumped and futtered like Q
jay bird in trap. And when got thar and
seed Kate with her new checked humspur
frock on, rally thought 1 should take the
blind staggers any how.
"Well, I found the order the day was tc
goto muscadiue hunting. Joe Sharp anc
his two sisters and Jim Boles was thar I'd
knowed for a long time that Joe Sharp was
righ. after Kate, and l hated him wus than
hog hates to find his way out of n tatel
patch, but I didn't let on, Sharp had or
white britches and fine shoes and broad
cloth coat. He walked with Kate and you
ought to have seen the airs he put on. 1t
was Miss Katy this, and Miss Katy that
and all such nonsense. After while we
came to slough where we bad to cross on :
log and I'd notion to pitch the sassy good
for-nothing into the water.
"Stop, never mind, said Ben, giving mt
a nudge "Providencc done that all uF
brown. Nothing would DO but that Joe
Sharp must lead Miss Kate across FIRST. He
jumped on the log in high glee, and took
Kate's hand and of they went. Just as they
got half way across tarnation big bull frog
jumped off iu the watcr-you know how they
holler. "Snake ~ screamed the blasted fool
and jumped back aud knocked Kate off uE
to her waist in the nasty, muddy black water
And what d. you think he done? Why he
runs backwards and forards hollerin for 8
pole to help Kate out of the water with
Kate looked at me and l could stand it ne
longer. Curchug! lit ten feet from the
bank the first jump, and had Kate out Of
thar in no time. And think, if the scamp
didnn't come up after we'd got out, and said
care you hurt, Miss Katy?'
"My dander was up. l couldn't stand it
7 told him to go and look for that snake =
Me and Kate put out for the house. When
we started off, Kate said:
"Ben, just let me hold on to your arm
nv knees feel sorter weak"
"Great jimminy felt so quar- when she
tuck hold. l tried to say something nice
but my drotted mouth wouldn't 50 off nc
how. But felt as strong as an elephant
and helped Kate along. Bimeby Kate said
"Ben, that Joe Sharpe's good-for-noth
ing, sneaking, cowardly nobody, and if eve,
lie puts his head inside our house again,
will souse him with dishwater sure
II tried to say something again, but Gus;
the luck, couldn't say nothing, but squeeze
Hates hand and sigh like cracky bellus.
owe had got clean out of sight of the 9th
erS, and Kate says to me:
"Ben, feel that you are my protector
and I believe my daddy right when he say:
you're worth all the rest of the boys in the
neigbborhood."
"Ben Purtle," says l, "this is grea
day for you," and l made tremendous eff
fort to get my mouth off again, and out il
popped sure enough.
"Kate," says trimblin' all over, 81 love
you to distraction, and no mistake. I've
loved you long and hard. My heart has