The Perrysburg journal. [volume] (Perrysburg, Ohio) 1853-1861, 1858-03-18
How BEN Purtic got his wife.

The very climax of ugliness was Ben Putle. |
lie was red haired, and each hnir stood as II ii
cherished the supremest contempt for its next
neighbor. His face was as lreckled as the most
bespotted turkey egg. His nose supported at
the bridge a large lump, while the end turned
vcously to one side. His mouth had every
shape but pretty shape. His form was US un-
couth as his face was ugly. The very climax OF
uglincss was Ben Purtle-what was more STILL
Ben had handsome, bouncing, blooming wife
such as can ony be found upon country
lawn,
How the deuce" said | to Ben one day,
"did you ever get such wife, You uncouth,
misshapen, quin tessenCe Of monstrosityF 2
Ben was not at all offended by the impertl-
nence of my question: and forthwith began to
solve the MYSTERY thus;
"Well, now, gals what's sensible uint cotched
by none of your purity, and hltalutn airs. We
seed that tried more'n once. You know Kute
was alters considerable the purtiest girl in these
parts, and all the young (elers in the neighbor-
hood used to try to cOtch her. Well used to
go over to old Sammy's too, just to kinder look
on, you know, and cost sh, cps eyes at Kate
But marsy sukes! | had no more thought that
could get Kate than Jerusalem cricket could
| hide in the hair that wasn't on old Sammys
bald head--no Stree. But still couldn't help
going, an my heart would kinder hut,er, and
my eyes would burn all over whenever III go to
talk with Katy. And one day when Kate sor.
ter made fun of like. il almost killed me sure
went home with something like rock jostling
about in my breast, and declared ia hang my
self with the first plow line iound.'
Did you hang yourself7
"No; daddy blozed out to me for not taking
old Ball to the pasture in The morning, and
scared me so that forgot it,
"Go on said l. seeing Ben pause with ap
parent regret that he had not executed his vow
"Well so one Monday morning-U recon il
was year after that hanging scrape)--I got uI
and scraped my face with daddy's old razor
and put on my new copprus brtches, and anew
linsey coat nanny had dyed with sassafra'
bark, and went over to Uncle Sammys. Now
I'd got TO loving Kate like all creation, but
never cherped to any body about my feelings
But knowed was on the right side Of the OLE
folks.
Well, now, amt it queer" continued Ben
|" How feller will feel sometimes? Something
seemed to say as went along, Ben Purtle, thi
is great day for you, and then my heart jump
!. ed and 1uttered like jay bird in trap. AM
when got there and seed Kate with her new
checked home spun frock on, rally thought
! should take the blind staggels, anyhow"
Ben paused again to brush the fog from hi
eyes. and then continued
Well, | found the order of the day was t
go muscadne hunting Joe Sharp and his tw'
, sisters, and Jim Bowels was thar. I'd knowet
long time that Sharp was right after Kate, AM
| hated him worse than hog hates to find hi
, way out of tater patch but didn't let on
/ Sharp had on white britches and fine shoes, an
broadt 10th overcoat, but everybody knowed b
wasn't worth red cent He walked with Kate
! and you ought to have seen the airs he put on
1t was Miss Kate this. and Miss Kate thai
and ali such nonsense. After a while we come 4
; a slough whar we had TO cross on log and l.
notion to pitch the sassy good-lor nothingin t
the water
"Why didn't you ?"
Stop never mind said Ben, giving me
nudge, " Providence done that all up brown
: Nothing must do but Joe Sharp must lead Mis-
Kac across fust. He jumped on the log in hig
glee and took Kate's hand, and they put of. =
, Just as they got half way across a tarnation bi
, bull frog jumped off into the water--you kuov
how they boiler Snakesr screamed the foo
) and knocked Kate OFF up to her waist in III
! nasty, black, muddy water. And what dy'
i, think he done Why run backwards and foredt
hollerin for a pole 10 kelp Kate out Of tn
, water Kae looked al me, and couldn't stan
it no longer. Curchuck lit ten feet from III
bank at the first jump. and had Kate out Q
there in no time. And dye think the scam
! didn't come up after we'd got out, and said -
Ar you hurt, Miss Kate2'"
8 "My dander was up. couldn't stand it;
. cotchcd him by the seat Of his white britche
8 and his coat collar, and gin him toss. Ma
y b. he didn't go clear under when he hit the wa
ter. didn't see him out. Me snd Kate pu
! for the house. When we stbrted off, Kate said
= " Ben, just let me hold on to your arm,
kinder feel sorter weak
"Gsprat JIMMY | felt so quar- when sh
. 'ook holl tried 10 say something nice, bu
: my drolted mouth would not O. of, no how
RIt | i4ll a "A a. al nhlut and hpl no
, K t'e alInt. Bi-mhi itr. said:
''B'u. ,h'' Ina APPS good for uothinl
-HesuuF Du'rr..- n1eri,; el he ever put
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