Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1858-07-01
Wit and Hunaor.

drinking water from a damp tumbler is
convalescent. -
A wine has been advertised under the
name OF "Naked Sherry" 1t ought, at
least, to have some body. -a
When onions sell at retail for two cents
piece, and small ones at that, as Mt the
present. it is certainly a cry-tear-i-on of the
times. -
A chaplain at State prison was asked
by friend how his parishners were. ALI
undr conviction" was the reply.
A merchant lately advertised for clerk
"who could bear confinement" He re.
ceived an answer from one who had been
seven years in Jail. a
Dr.. Adam Clarke says the hog was
cursed under the old law, and never re-
ceiyed blessing under the new.
/ EARLY RIsING.-I hold that it is not
natural. With men, as with peas, carly
rising is all a matter of forcing.
Why is Neptune like an alchenist look.
ing for the philosophers stone?
Because he is soaking (seeking) what
never existed.
A youth, with turn for figures, had five
eggs to boil, and being told to give them
three minutes each, boiled them quarter
of an hour, all together. e
"Pat, buy trunk, to put your clothes
in" said his Yankee companion.
"What an go naked this cowld wealth
er?" asked the honest spallpeen or Killar-
ney.
Why is dandy like mushrooma Be-
cause he's regular sap-head, his waist is
remarkably slender, his growth is exceed
ingly rapid, and his top is uncommonly
tender.
II don't believe it's any use, this vaccin-
ation," said Yankee. "I had child vac
cinnated, and he fell out of the winder q
week arter, and got killed"
To kill bedbugs, take, corrosive subli-
mate and daub it all over your bedstead:
then burn your bedstead and bed clothing,
and move into another house.
A Connecticut schoolmaster asked lad
from Newport, How many Gods are therer
The boy after scratching his head some
time, replied: 81 don't know how many
you have in Connecticut, but we have none
in Rhode Island"
The PRIVILEGE OF Poyerty.-It is the
great privilege of poverty to be happy un-
enyied-to be healthy without physic-se-
cure without guard-and to obtain from
the bounty of nature what the great and
weolthy are compelled to procure by the
help of art.-Johnson. ies ae
At Gibraltar there was great scarcity
of water. An officer said he was very easy
about the matter, for he had nothing to do
with water; if he only got bis tea in the
morning and and punch at night, it was all
he wanted.
LEFT HANDED CoMpLDiENT.-When
Mr.. Whiteside finished his five hours ora
ton on Kars, Lord Palmerston replied that
the honorable gentleman's speech was
was highly creditable to his physical pow
orS. 5sG -.Jt
A man lost his dog on Washington st.,
the other day, ,and when he whis-
led it made fashionably dressed young
lady jump about as if she had the st. Vi
tus dance. FINALLY she gave sudden
Jump forward and the unfortunate dog es-
capped. h=
A gentleman, observing servant girl,
who was left-handed, placing the knives
and forks on the dinner-table in the same
awkward position, remarked to. her that
she was laying them left-handed. "Oh,
indader' said she, $50 ! have! Be plased,
sir, to help me turn the table roundp'
"If like snake she steal with your wall,
Till the black slime betray her as she crawls;
Iflike viper to the heart she wind, t..,
And leave the venom there she did not find:
What marvel that this hag of hatred works,
Eternal evil latent as she Turks,
To make Pandemonium where she dwells,
And reign the Hecate of domestic hells?"
A Southern Methodist minister, detail
ng his experience on a certain circuit
counted twenty six children that were NAM
ID after him, and added that during the
rear he received as compensation, just thir-
zen dollars.
In Windsor Locks, May 6, by Rev. Mr..
Allen Moren s. Cowles, of Hartford, and
Lucy NJ, daughter of ]. w. Wood, of
Windsor Locks.
Lo! what an all consuming fame
Is the love-passion of two souls;
For here you see piece of Wood
In just two minutes changed to Cowles.
Hartford Press.
81 declare, mother" said a petted little
irl in pettish little way, ''tis too bad,
nother; you always send me to bed when
am not sleepy, and you always make mo
ct up when / am sleepy" e.
A QUEER PLATFORM. = The General
BAPTIST Baaner-the new (open communi-
ation) paper published at Murray, Ken
acky, says: awhile we, as denomina-
ion, tolerate dram drinking, we advise tho
rethren to use it cautiously, and for Gods
AXE, let the sacred and holy ministers OF
rod touch it lightly"
CR1rrc1sM.-A critic in the fine arts,
pding fault with painting said: "Why,
his fellow cannot even paint q .fy-see
here p and he extended his hand to point
ut the defect, when tho wronged painter
as acquitted and Nature was ibelled, for
10 fly established its claim to its name,
nd .few a,oay
"Patrick, dear, come in and go to bed
st." said the wife of a jolly son OF Erln'
no had Just returned from the fair IN a
ecidedly exhillerated state. "foa must