Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1858-05-15
VOL. IX--NO. AZ.
WIT AND Humo,e.

WIT AND HUmOM.
9Y The last excuse tor crinoline Il. thSI
the weaker vessels" need much hopping
~ ga cofin," says an Irishmau. s<is 4
home man lives in when lie is dead"
ca At Springfield, Massachusetts,, lsdv
sent the following volunteer toast:
"Sprucs old bachelors--the ever green's
of society"
- very gentlemanly Individual. Who
mad been deprived of an umbrella, posted uv
tne following notice :-s'Who was the zen.
teman who exchanged umbrellas with me
the other day, and forgot to leave his 2,
Julius.-Do you understand the science Of
PhlebOtomy?
Sambo.-Yes, nigger, I got acquainted wild
nea'bottomy lass fall down in de Cedar
Swamp.
~ person named Owen Moore once
ieit MS creditors somewhat unceremoniously.
upon which wag wrote
"Owen Moore has run away,
owing more than he could pay.''
ART CRlTIcIsx.-A Boston editor heard a
young gentleman, while affecting to be ex-
cesslvely refined, murder Queen Victorias
English most cruelty, exclaim at the Athe.
neum exhibition the other day, while con.
templatlDg an ideal portrait, "What a beau
tiful burst! What calm, beautiful for.
ward'
GY In certain benighted part of the conn
try may be seen, on the outside of an hum.
Die cottage, the following inscription in large
giit letters "A seminary for young isdies-,
This was, perhaps, too obtuse for Gle villas
gers, as Immediately underneath there is ad.
ded, in rude characters 'Notey bsnsy-allso,
gals skool.'
AN ORIGINAL PosTPoNEMRNT.-The fol-
lowing motion was made and carried at q
recent meeting OF q colored parish in Bos-
tom:
"Mistur Moderatur-In consekens Oh de-
1nll atendus at dis 'neeting,I moebe de mex
neetln Wensday ebenin am postponed to
dis Monday ebenin, for the chois OBJ direc.
tors"
THE PERiLs OF PhoNoGRAPHY.-The art
of photographic reporting is the best ever
invented, but nevertheless sometimes leads
to mistakes. Not long since a member Of
Congress made speech quoting Latin.
" Anaacus Socrates, anaicus Pluto est, sell ma
1or cerstas," (Socrates is my friend, Plato.
is my friend, but truth is much more ma
frlend) This appeared next day in the re.
port as follows: II may cuss Socrates. 4
may cuss Plato, said Major Veritas %
Two Coop. PUNs.-Ths Charleston Cou.
rier says that at some festive occasion coD.,
nected with the commencement of Harvard,
Judge Story having been called for senti-
ment gave,
"The Hon. Edward Everett-Fame fol.
lows merit where Everett (euer it) goes"
The uproarious and deafening applause
called forth by this jeu d. esprit having sub
sided, Mr.. Everett arose and paid with usury
the compliment and laudation he had receiv-
ed, and gave in return,
"The Hon. Joseph Story-No eminence in
virtue, learning or Jurisprudence, can rise
higher than one Story"
Tunes AS WAS SAID -"You'll break my
heart," as the oak said to the hatchet..
"Hold your jaw" as the man said when
his head was in the hons mouth.
"Perlnit me to introduce myself" a. the
knife said to the oyster.
81 can't bear you," as the sea said: to the
leaky ship.
You don't pass here" as, the counter said
to the bad shilling.
"Pitt's full'' as tho Earl Of Chatham said
after dinner.
"My heart is thine," ss the cabbage said
to the cook>maid.
AN APoLoeY.-They had a ball down to
Waverly the other night, which brought out
er s'transpirations" cool apology took place.
l. SSoll
at this ball in all his glory, and the whisky
passed of rapidly, and Bill had, at about ten
to young lady he requested the pleasure Of
gagged.
"Well," said Bill, ''are you engaged for
he next set?'
She said she was.
"Can dance with you next, theni"
81 am engaged for that also."
"Can dance with you to-nighti'
"No, sir" with some hesitancy
go to blazes" said Bill, highly indig.
nant, and turned on his heel.
After few moments, Bill is accosted by
the brother of the young lady, and charged
with having insultd his sister. Bill denies,
but processes himself willing to apologize, il
he has done wrong, and accordingly steps
up to the young lady, when the following
ensued:
"Miss L., understand have in,u!ted
YOU"
"You have, sir.o
"What did say, Miss Ii"
"You told me to 90 to Hazes"
"Well," said Bill, 81 have come to tell
you that you needn't go!'