The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1858-03-25

she tied her her chin.
VARIETY.
You had better find out one OF your own weak
nesses, than ten of your neighbors.
When we record our our angry -. let it be done
obliterate them forever.
MEMORANDUM THE MERcESARY.-Before you
marry lady for her money, consider what an incum-
branse you viii find your wife, in the Of having
lost spent all she was worth--Punch-
The DrrEEEScE.-Sidney Smith says, that peo-
pie often imagine themselves pious when they only
bilious
Kroutsaut whose liver is ont Of order says, that
he thinks Sidney ought to have known the differsD
between Serious Disposition and Serious Indlpo-
sifion.'
IS Sal" said one girl to another, '.I am glad
have no beaux, now"
"Why!' asked the other.
"'Cause. can eat many onions as please
" "Alnch remains unsung," as the tom-cat remarked
to the brick bat when it abruptly cut short his
enade.
young gentleman, the other day, asked a young
lady shat she thought of the married state in gen.
eral Z" Not knowing, cannot tell, % the reply;
" but if You and would put our heads together,
could soon give you definite answer
Are q man and his wife both one asked the wife
Of certain gentleman, in a state Of stupefaction
she holding his aching head In both hands.
" Yes, suppose so,'' was the reply Well, then,''
said she ssI home drunk last night and ought
to be ashamed OF myself
The conclusion of six days. sulk. Outside the
house a cat is heard to new. Husband 70 the dear
Of his bosom" Did you speak, dear." The tea
table is suddenly overturned, and broomstcks are
prevalent in the domestic atmosphere.
PRKynEScE-To q fond mother, whose children
gentleman observed, Sc have decided preference
for bad children madam" 80 How strange And,
pray for what 20 said she. ss Because they
are always sent out Of the room.''
too-that woman IS never 50 amiable as when she is
useful; and as for beauty, though man may fall in
love with girls at play, there is nothing to make them
stand in their love ike seeing them at work. engaged
in the useful offices Of the home and family.
The last words Of the Old Testament are fearful
threatening :-sLest come and smite the earth with
o curse
The last words Of the New Testament are bene-
diction The grace Of our Lord Jesus Christ be with
you all Amen
mashed without grumbling, is undoubtedly
possessed Of heavenly disposition One Of those
true Christians being at political meeting, he
said in pleasant manner to big burly fellow who
standing upon his toes:
Ny dear sir, are you not miller 2"
'sN No sir; why did yen ask 90
"why, sir, the fact is, thought you q mil
ler and very honest too because you have been
grinding my this half hour without taking toll'
KEEN REJorxpEs--Mr. Buffum Of Lynn, Mass,
duler cross-examination by attorney named
Lord, who did his best perpiex and browbeat him
to overthrow the testimony he had given against
machinery, and Mr.. Bn38 bad used the word ''phi-
losophical'' in bis evidence. Lord continually
harped upon this phrase. and e1S>avored to make
the witness ridiculous in the eyes OF the jury. At
last be inquired !: " Pray, Mr. Witness, you zem
to be great philosopher, you tell philosoph-
icaIly what the consequence would be il the air
should be exhausted from hogshead,'' 81 Yes,
sir,'' replied Buum; ss the head would fall in-''
ndoo 1u1r,s xrrnd fho ell
me philosophically, why the head should fall in %
Yes sir, returned Bufum; 90 it is because hogs
heads are like some lavyers-kkeir heads are the
ueakss PARIS The roar of the court room acknowl
edged tine victory OF the witness over the counsel
"what does Satan pay you Cor swearing, ?" said
Deacon Todd to one whom he heard using profane
language He dou't pay me anything" was the
reply Well, you work cheap. TO lay aside the
upon your friends. and all civil people; to suffer such
pains Of conscience you must suffer; and, lastly,
to risk losing your precious soul, and (gradu-
ally rising IN s@Raa.s all & for nothing! ;ndd y You GER
FRox rHE MINING DnTRIcIs-( Young Curate finds
Miner sitting on gate smoking)
Curate (desrous to ingratiate himself with one Of
his flock - A fine morning, my friend"
and spits.
Curase (supposing that he had not heard.)-"A
hne morning. my friend"
One of his hook-ss Did / say it WARMTH Do you
ant to hargue, you beggar s''-Punch-
RICHES NOT HAPpIsns--Stephen Girard. Of Phil
adelphia, when surrounded with immense wealth,
and supposed be taking supreme delight in its
cumulstion. wrote the foIlowing to . friend
As to myself, live like galley slave, con-
stantiy occupied and oen passing the night without
sleeping. I am wrapped up in labyrinth Of affairs,
a1d worn out with cares. / do not value fortune.
= The love Of labor Is ny hhss s1osI. 1 When .ss
during the day, that when night comes, may be
enabled TO sleep soundiy. -