Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-07-07
Fact, Fancy aud Fun.

veal mas Deen OHered tor sale to the
boys for pop-gun.
Which are the LATEST fish in the
sea? Oysters-because they are al
ways found in beds.
Tommy, how's your folks!' can
well but Growler, and he's got the bow
WOW el complaint" . 80
-Longfellow's beautiful phrase, ":uf-E
fer and be strong" is now Familiarity
rendered, "grin and bear it."
"A western editor, in dunning his
subscribers, says he has responsibilities
thrown upon him which he is obliged
to meat
"A capital way to prevent the smell
of cooking is to have nothing for break
fast, and warm it over for dinner and
supper.
A New York daguerrotypist has
succeeded in taking picture of a
"muss," including many striking like
neSSes.
A christianity which will not help
those who are struggling from the bot
tom to the top Of society, needs another
Christ to die for it.
Am old hard shelled minister OBJ
served in late sermon "That no one
ever got religion in greet 6uStle"
Think Of this We feminines.
"A lady at her marriage, requested
the clergyman to give out to be sung
by the choir, the hymn commencing
"This is the way long have sought,
And mourned because l found it not"
THAT cat has got cold," remark
ed friend to Jerrold, pointing to do
mestic favorite. "Ycs," replied Jor-
rold, ''the poor thing is subject to cat
arrh."
The man who got into train of
thought was taken into custody at the
first station for travelling without a
ticket, and sentenced to three days
imprisonment in brown study.
Mistress-''I think, cook, we must
part this day month"
Cook lin astonishment)- -"Why,
ma-am l am sure I've let YOU ave
your own way in most everything"
A little boy in one of our public
schools interpreted the Sermon on the
Mount IN 4 manner somewhat differing
from the best commentator. He read:
"Y e-can-nCt serve God -and-W oman,''
"A tipsey Irishman leaning against
a lamppost, as funeral procession was
passing, was asked who was dead. T
can't exactly say sir, replied he; s'but
| presume it is the jintleman in the cof-
fin"
Jury" said an Arkansas Judge,
"you kin go ont and find a verdict. Ii
you can't find one of your own, get the
one the last jury used" They return
ed a verdict Of suicide in the ninth
degree.
"A gentleman, taking all apart
ment, said to the landlady, II assure,
madam, l never left lodging bnt my
shed tears II hope, sir,'
said she, sit was not because you went
away without paying" ,.... ....s
"A HibeYnian, when Knocked down.
exclaimed. ...-.
''Do you strike man when he is
down?'' .....-
ooh no." said his antagonist.
'''rhen, faith, an I'll lay here"
IA pair Of sweet lips, pressure
Or two of delicate hands, and pink
waist ribbon, will do as much to un-
hinge man as three fevers, and mea-
sles, large sized hopping cough, pair
of lockjaws, several hydrophobias, and
the doctors bill"
-"Why don't you wheel the borrow
Of Goals, Ned 2" quoth a learned ven
der Of black diamonds to his man; ''it
is not a very hard job--there is an in
cline plane to relieve you" SAY, mas
ter" replied Ned, who had more relish
for wit than work, "the plane may be
inclined, but hang me if am" a~
-"Mother. have I got any child
?" asked an urchin Of eight SUM-
mers.
"Whyne. What put that in your
head, boy?" .t.~
because | read in the Bible to-day
at school about children's childrcn.'
"Here, Biddy, this child is feverish,
wash him in ice water and put him to
bed.n
A horticutnrist of Lafayette, Iu-
diana, advertised that he would supply
all sorts Of trees and plants, especial,
'pie- plants, Of all kinds" A gentle
man thereupon sent him an order for
'sone package ofcustard-pie seed, and
. few doze,s Of mince-pie plants. =
The gardener promptly filled the order
by sending him four goose eggs and q
small dog. The Courier youches for
the statement. ~ sI
q wantsch to schipp in the Lucil-
la" said Dutchman to q clerk in
shipping office. es
'.Well," said the clerk pen in hand,
HWilat IS Your name ?''
cit ish Hans Vananasrnabandordan
nesevaneymendymopiehenlitenschieny-