Mariposa Democrat., 1858-04-01

after his marriage, on visit to his parents,
was as usual handed cup of the delicious
beverage, and astonshed the table by express
ing his preference for tea Wondering what
could have produced the sudden antipathy, his
anxious mamma inquired the cause. His inno-
cent reply "that it kept kim awake the last
two nights" set the table in a roar. ..-
.H-A little wretch who had for the first
time in his life heard the scripture story Of
Elijah and the bears, sat down on the door
step until an old man went by, when he called
out of course, "Go up, old bald head ~
Then lodging as quickly as he could within the
door, he called, snow bring on your bears ~
R-A Yankee and Southerner were play
ing poker on a steamboat. al haven't seen
an ace for some time" remarked the South
erner.
"Wall, guess you haint," said the Yankee,
but can tell you where they are. One Of
them is in your shirt sleeve there, and the
other three are in the top of my b-utes."
R- One of Bishop Blomfelds latest bon
mots was uttered during his last illness. He
inquired what had been the subjects of his two
archdeacons charges, and was told that one
was on the art of making sermons, and the
other was on church-yards. "0h, | see, +"
said the bishop, composition and decompo-
stion !"
eW- An exceedingly modest young lady,
desiring the leg of chicken at the table, said !:
"I'll take the part which ought to be dressed
in drawers" A young man opposite immedi-
ately said: am take the part which ought to
wear the hustle" Heartshorn was immedi-
ately administered to the lady. p
.zW- May it please the court" said a
learned counsel, "if ever there was case
which more than any other case required care
ful comparison with former cases, this case is
that case" And the judge, interrupting him,
asked, (which case brother?"
e1g- That pleasant philosopher, Montaigne
offers the following whimsical consolation to
those afflicted with gout, gravel, rheumatism,
&C.: "These are symptoms Of long life, just
as heat, cold, rain and hail. are the attendants
on every long journey"
eY""Ob, Mr.. Grubblesi" exclaimed a
young mother, shouldn't you like to have a
family of rosy children about your knees"
"No ma am" said the disagreeable old bach
elor; I'D rather have lot of yellow boys in
my pocket"
sY-A voter deficient in personal beauty,
said to Sheridan:
al mean to withdraw my countenance from
you"
"Many thanks for the favor, sir" replied
the candidate, 81 for it is the ugest mug ! ever
saw"
sY- He who betrays another's secret be-
cause he has quarrelled with him, was never
worthy the sacred name of friend. A breach
of promise on one side will not justify breach
of trust on the other.
W saint it berry wicked to rob dis grape
vine, Sim?"
"Dat am de great moral question, Gumbo-
we hsint no time to argufy it now-hand us
down another bunch"
tY- The Collins line of New York and Liv-
erpoo steamers are in the hands of the Sheriff
of New York. having been attached by Messrs.
Brown, Bros & Co., for the sum of $636, 800.
eY" SAL" said one girl to another, al am
so glad that have no beaux now" "Why ?"
asked the other. "'Cause | can eat AZ many
onions as please"
eN Have you Blasted Hopess'" asked
a lady of a green librarian, whose face was
much swollen. "No, ma'am; but have a
blasted tooth-ache"
AY- The wheel of fortune, says Punch,
must have belonged originally to an omnibus,
for it is continually taking up" and "putting
down" people.
sB Ned has run away with your wife,
said one friend to another.
"Is it possbles I truly pity his sudden
mishap."
sB-A punster at the point of death being
advised to eat peace of pullet, declined, say
ing that he feared it might lay on bis stom-
ach."
sR- DR.. Emmons, can you tell me what
am to understand by "the soul of man2"
NO" was the reply; :" cannot tell a man
that hasn't got any"
sR" Madam, you said your son was a
lawyer-has he much practce2" "Why, yes
sir, he has practice-of smoking cigars"
.B- Dean Swift truthfully remarked that
"it is no use to attempt to reason man out of
a thing he hes never been reasoned into"
na95- There are three modes possible for the
development of the intellect of an intellectual
being; to know, to will, and to do.
eW- Socrates when asked what was the
best mode of gaining high reputation replied:
"To be what you appear to be-"
.Y- The latest way to pop the question is,
to ask a fair lady if you can have the pleasure
of seeing her to the minister's.