The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-11-06
GETTING INTO THE WRONG SHOP.
A DOWN EAST SKETCH.

A few months ago there arrived in tn
quiet city of Portland home-spun speci
men of the down easter, in packet all thu
way from Passamaquoddy. Upon goin;
ashore he inquired the way to the heares
public house, and was informed that it stoot
directly at the head of the pier where h
landed.
Opposite the head of the wharf stands th'
Eagle Coffee House, At the corner Il
| located the Custom House, the front o.
which is su,mounted by gilt spread eagle
Into the latter our traveller walked, yalis'
and carpet bag in hand; and having fount
his way into the first room, which CHANGED
to be the Surveyors Department, he threw
his luggage against the corner, seized al
arm chair, and drew himself up to the fire
Bracins his feet against the CRATE he pulled
forth huge pipe, and having very leisurely
crowded it with pig-tail, he cooked his heac
over his shoulder, and commenced putane
away in right good earnest. The Surveyor
gazed at the queer biped moment, bu
concluded to wait the finale of this scene
without intruding Improbable questions
Having finished his pipe lazily the traveller
turned about to The oficia! with
'Cold day, nabur.'
'Very, sr.'
slow long to dinner?'
'To what STRIP
sDinner.'
sWe dine'at two,' continued the Surveyor
discovering the strangers error, and dis.
posed, for the nonce, to humor it.
'Whar's the old man?' (meaning the
landlord.)
sThe collector is in the next room, sir,
said the agreeable Surveyor; and our down.
easter Immediately moved himself into the
Collectors Department toting his luggage
along as he went.
Having laid down his traps, he stepped uE
to the counter, where stood pitcher and
lumber. for the use of the room.
The Cashier looked at him in an instant.
when the stranger broke the silence.
Brandy and water
sWhat SIR exclaimed the astonished
accountant.
"a little brandy and water, 'f'u please
Leaving the bar-keeper Gas he supposed
him) to fix his toddy, he moved forward,
and suddenly discovered the Collector Of the
Port sound asleep in an easy chair. Step
ping up to him, he gave him an unceremo-
nious blow upon the back, and shouted Ii,
the top Of his voice:
Hello ole feller, haow ar yer?'
Had stroke of lightning struck between
the shoulders of the naturally modest and
quiet Collector, he would not have been
half so seriously startled as he was at the
unexpected assault: and, half springng half
tumbling on his feet, he gazed thunderstruck
upon the unwelcome visitor now before
him.
Il say, old boss, how DE deu?'
sSir!' exclaimed the Collector.
sGlad to see yer. Iew toddies, bar
yer drink, 'squire?'
sSir!' exclaimed the collector again,
imagining himself the victim of some horrid
dream.
Come, come, ole feller, wake upr added
his tormentor, bringing down his mauler
again between the collectors shoulders, and
well nigh knocking the breath out of his
body.
there's some mistake here, SIR said the
collector springing back.
Not bit Nv it, ole rusty: know yoa
lis like an ink-stan'.'
q don't remember, really ..
'Ies yeu deu, sart'n. But never mlnd,
wot yer going to take:'
sDo YOU know where you are sr?' in
quired the collector, spposing the man to be
a Iunatic, whom he had better git rid Of lis
easily and quickly as possible.
'Me:?' Sart'n. In portlun'-Eagle Coffee
House. You're ole Brass, the landlord;
know you. O., git aou,! We're baound to
hev q drink'-and he drove his thumb and
forefnger into the collectors ribs with SO
good an earnest, that he nearly finished
his business for him.
Excuse me sir, but
NO sir-ree. No backing aout ole squibob
I've seen yeu 60 it atore, yer know. Come
barkeeper, tote out the Ticker. All mum
chum yer know. | un'stan'-agln the law
to sell brandy in Portlan'-but We know;
pass it up
'You have mistaken your quarters, SIR
sEh:'
sThis is the Custom House,
Gus, eh? continued the traveller
sThen not the Coffee House?'
s'No SIR
sWal, Inerer' said the chop-fallen trav-
eler, gathering up his duds. Looking about
him to be satisfied Of his error, he concluded
by inquiring what was the expense. He
was informed that there was nothing to
pay. 49,,
wal, ole Teller, mistake isn't hay
stack?'
'No, fortunately said the collector.
'Wal, wouldn't ha' b'Eeved could ha'
made such bluEder;' and then insisting that
the craowd should g'out and take a gin'raI
drink which was declined, he secured bis
luggage and hastily vamosed, to the nc
small qualification of the government ofh.
cals, who had been so queerly startled from
their customary propriety.