Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1858-01-16
How Tom Coryyin Rid his SIS
ter Of an Obnoxious Lover
BY a WESTERN MAN.

Every one has heard of the eloquent,
pathetic and humorous stump orator of
Ohio. We was pronounced by Mr. Clay
"a most competent authority to be the
finest stump speaker he had ever heard
and in this opinion | most heartily coin
Icide, after having heard Clay, Crittenden,
Jones of Tennessee, Polk, Benjamin,
ISoule, Randall, Hunt, Tom Marshall, Gen.
Lamar, Bates, Douglas and a host Of 9th
ers.
Well, this great orator carried his love
OF fun into every department Of life. In
The private circle, where he knew every
person and where he unbosomed himself
fully, he was the most delightful and gen
ial conversationalist | ever listened to. I
do not know that he now. as ICE and infirm.
ity are creeping on, INDUCES this proclivity
to humor so much as he used to do. But
some twenty years ago he used to tell,
with great gusto, the following story:
in early Iife-so early that I cannot
remember the removal-lny father "pull-
led up stakes" and, carrying with him the
household goods, went from Bourbon coun-
ty, Kentucky, where I was born, to Ohio.
Not outstanding a rough-and tumble
struggle with the world, he had a hard
time to get OF, owing to a numerous and
rapidly increasing family. Well, family
matters had not much improved when |
had reached my thirteenth or fourteenth
iyear.
AT this time there lived in the neigh
Ihorhood Il young man by the name OF
Pickering. He had inherited a well stock
lei farm, was g~oodlooking, and made a
strong profession of religion. This latter
qualification caused him to fnd peculiar
favor in the eyes Of my father, who
always was blinded By professions Of extra
piety.
"This fellow had a strong hankefing af-
ter oue of my sisters, who was a very
lrfsily girl. To her he was peculiarly dis
tasteful. She seemed always excessively
a'.noyed at his presence. Yet he was ev-
E, at her side. She dared not dismiss him
eDtireIy, for fear Of the !~,ateraal anger.-
Things went on in this way for a year OF
two, and as | partook largely Of my sis
tiers hatred 10 him, | resolved to get rib
of him in some way. | cast about for a
plan for some time, but nothing occurred
which gave iae the 5 ightest hope of being
Successful.
"At last, returning home late one sum
ner night from mill, ! found the family
at III in nightly devotions. Passing by the
Fwinlows of the room in which they were
assembled, | SAW that Pickering Was there,
land pretty soon | discovered that he was
uo4iinq, and finally his head dropped
Now was my opportunity. | stole silly
INTO the hall, and reaching the hall door,
which WAS slightly aiar, and close by whicli
Pickering vas, 'on Bonded knee | reached
III and, quickly pulling his chair from IN
der him, he rolled heavily,as a sound sleep
er would upon the floor. The noise alarn-
ed all. The Old gentleman stopped in the
Imid,t Of his almost iuterninable prayer
and saw the position of Pickering. All
the fani laughed outright; even my
mother smiled.
~.Prkering endeavofed to pick himself
up as rapidly as possible, but he had touch
ed the old man upon bis tenderest point.
Il was evident, from bis rubbing his eyes
that he had slept under the old gentle
mans ministrations; and had not my faith
Ter a reputation far and widelfor the ~ferven.
ley and strength of his mi~nistfations, and
was 30: Pickering his protesting brother
It was too much. Slowly yet most digni
iedly did the old man approach him.
.Begone, hypocriter he cried, in thunder
tones. Never enter my house again.
pickering was thunlerstruck. He felt
THAT he could make no apology which wo'd
not add to the insult. He had no suSpi-
cion OF. the exterior force which had aided
him in his fall. He at once fou1i his hat,
hook up his line of march, aud, completely
crestfallen, passed by me as ] stood grim
ming in the shadow of the porch
AT a suitable time | entered, got my
supper, was told by q brother, in hurried
whispers, what had happened, and then !
stole Of to bed, affecting Ignorance and
laughing most heartily, IS | %ensconced
myself ia the sheets, at the complete sue
cess of my plan.
Next day | cautiously impaired my Sc
cret to myvinterested sister. She was IL
her own room at the time, and she threw
herself upon the bed and rolled IN agonies
and CONVERSIONS of laughter. She had
been emancipated forever from the atten-
tions of an obnoxious lover. The old gen
tleman did not hear the real State of The
facts for fall twenty years afterwards; but
when lie did, he laughed heartily"
A ScRIPruRAL Morro.-Down at St
Genevieve is an old stone church, and built