Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1858-08-25

entire outward appearance Indicative of an ut
ter regardiessness to his personal aspect, or
anything else pertaining to this terrestrial
sphere, moral reform lecturer would have
gone into ecstacieS at the thought Of possess
sing such subject to exhibit before an appre-
ciative audience as an unique specimen of to-
tai depravity.
Whether Mr.. Jedediah Brown at that precise
moment, had realizing sense of his true con-
ditiOn, 1t is uncertain. The air was keenly
cold, and 1t may have been that which moved
him. Certain 1T is, that he appeared at length
to come to the conclusion that Justice TO his
own self demanded that he should find more
attractive quarters.
Accordingly, he assumed as erect an atti-
tude as possible, and, by marvellous stroke of
good fortune, succeeded in reaching and grasp
ing the doorknob.
Then from his pocket he produced a LATCH
key, and set about effecting entrance.
To form a determination to do a thing and
to effect the ''consummation devoutly to be
wished,'' are two distinct affairs. So Jede-
diah Brown discovered on this occasion.
The door Was large. and the key-hole was
small; the night withal, was not one of the
lighteSt.
'.This is singular thing" muttered Jede-
diaii, in very thick tone of voice, and with
exceedingly long intervals between his words :;
s'this is dreadful sing'lar thing l think
really do think, that on the whole, it s the
most singular thing that l ever knew, where
the key hole has gone and hid itself know
left it here when L went away, I'm sure
did-and know where it isI''
He ceased from his endeavors to find the
missing orifice for few moments, as if the
last sentence he uttered had awakened weigh
ty thoughts in his mind. Then he made anoth-
er futile attempt TO discover it.
s'ltss gone,'' he said /; s.the key-hole amt
there. P'rhaps somebody stole tit was
brass key-holc. and somebody may have took
it for gold, and stole it. Or else - he nused
as faint idea of wrong perpctrated against
him on the part of his wife crossed his confused
mind, ''or she's took it inside with her to keep
me out shouldn't wonder at all.''
Concluding to make one more effort, he this
time succeeded in finding what he had search
ed for SO long.
swell, we'll !" he muttered, ssthis is go;
the key-hole was there all the while. Jede-
diah Brown, if you wasn't such respectable
person as know you to be, should be tempt
ed TO say you were drunk ~
He entered, and after stumbling over n hall
table and upsetting the hat stand, he managed
to grasp hold of the stair bannisters. Then
with fresh exertion, he gained the parlor
door.
The fire was still burning brightly in the
CRATE, and Jcdediah Brown thought it fickered
up reproachfully as he advanced into the blaze,
and steadied himself with a chair back.
Happening to raise his eyes, he was aston
ished to behold the figure of a man at the fur
ther extremity of the apartment. The thought
of thieves at once entered his mind.
''Who're you 20 he inquired, sternly.
The mysterious person preserved profound
silence.
ssWho're you, say 20 cried Jedediah in q
louder key.
Still the importuned said not word.
ssNow, look here, you vill'nous thievng,
ugly looking scoundrel, if you don't answer
my question, III sacrifice you. | will. Do you
hear What business have you in my house
this time o. the night 20
As the last inquiry elected no reply, Jede-
diah, moved by his rising passion, without
further eXpostnlation, seized a foot stool, and
employing all his strength in the effort, threw
it at the head of the fancied burglar.
The tremendous crash of broken glass which
followed, awakened the deluded man, to the
important fact that he had shyered into frag-
ments his wIfe's costlest mirror, and that the
imaginary thief was simply its reflection of
himself.
Before he had time, however, to make many
reflections upon the matter, he was started by
the cry of ssThieves Murder Police 20 and
q variety of other frantic screams in the shrill
voice of his wife, who, awakened by the noise,
had arose and thrust her head from the bed
room window overhead.
"Policc! police help,'
Again it rang out upon the still night air.
ssWhat is the muss 2" cried vigilant guar
dian of the public safety, as he made his ap
pearance.
..Burglars 10 screamed the lady in white,
historically
ssWhere 2''
sBelow, in the parlor-I hear them now
help, quick 2"
Another policeman at this moment arriving,
the door forced open, and the two entered.
ssHa, here he is ~ cried one of the officers,
triumphantly.
"Nab him 20 exclaimed the other.
"Why, blow me, if he amt drunk. He's
been below among the wine.''
ssStand off 20 cried Brown, assuming what he
intended should be dignified attitude. Stand
off Do you take me for thief 20
eWell, now shouldn't wonder at all, - said
policeman, number one, in an ironical tone,
ssif we did take you for thief-as far as the
station house, at any rate"
sWhat's that ? Arrest me in my own house
drag me from the bosom of my family ~
ssIt won't do, old feller; you must come
along with u.s.
GNeyer! | say ncver-Do, never ~
oHave you caught the monster? Where is
he ?'' cried the trembling voice of Mrs. Brown,
as the courageous female made her appearance
on the stairs, ard peered over the banisters
into the room.
ats all right ma'am,'' said the officer ;
.she'S safe enough now-
inst then her eyes fell upon her husband,
and from him they glanced around the room
till they rested upon the ruined mirror. She
comprehended at once what had occurred, and
the direst indignation against the unlucky
Jedediah arose within her breast.
She was about to vent her wrath against
him. whom a brilliant thought struck her.
She would not recognize him The officers
believe him to be burglar, and she would not
nndeoeiye them. 1t would be glorious re-
venge.