Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-09-08


| ly multiplied and there were iiftv Dam
phools, and they all accepted the invi
satlon, and we had the Lager; there
were forty glasses, and in trying tc
make the circuit Of the room and touch
my glass to every one Of theirs. I fell
over table which very impertinentlv
stepped before me, and as went down
| knocked a small Dutchman into the
corner, then tell over him, then I par
TALLY recovered myself, and sat on his
head, then | got up and stepped on his
stomach, then / demanded an instant
apology, then | called for six glasses
OF Lager, and when the girl brought
them al IN ono hand, | tried to take
them all III one hand, but broke three.
theE l tried to drink out Of the remain
ing three all at once, and In so doing
L took an involuntary shower bath,
ti.e0 ! l.ieji to pay for the whole fifty
glasses and the damage with a dime
and spanish quarter, and demanded
that he should give me back my change
in gold dollars; there seemed to be
some difficulty about this, and if I had
not known that Lager isn't Intoxicating
/ should have thought the man was
drunk; was Oh the point of calling in
the policeman to arrest him for swind-
ling, when Danphool came and ex
planned the matter, and his thick head
at last comprehended that | was
right.
Little tamborine girl came along and
wanted money for man who was per
forming with a great deal Of skill on a
crank outside; felt generous and tried
to put DampEool into the tamborine
under the impression that he was a hall
dollar; finally presented the little girl
with my compliments, two segars, and
a penny, with which she went off salts,
fed.
Then I thought I'd make love to a
pretty girl who had just brought me a
glass Of Lager, "a beverage prevalent
in that vicinity, and which does not
possess any intoxicating power,) SO ]
pressed to my heart for two minutes
what [ supposed to be her hand, and
did not find out that it was her petit
coat till ! tried to kiss it. and cot nv
mouth full Of Woolen yarn, looked at
pretty girl with Indignation, asked her
what she meant by such conduct: then
| had mug Of Lager, Ga liquid which
does net intoXicate, and which is
much used by the German ponula-
tion.) Z,
~
inen the music struck up, when |
Sa" 1he IeiloW with crooked brass horns
up lnelF mouths: thought they We're
1FlhAi19 some h'ho o1 peer That j hadn't
""l any ol, 80 Shatc'leQ trombone and
oIoeLeo thf 9ifI 10 Hi II up immediate
l.-tlch Eoluhteered a &Ong-the
company al Kept silence N OF ler to
near ~ me- ana l oe6'h 70 ""ist;e Oii
Do5 1F@J N'tA intervals ot i've minutes
o@t"e'eh 'he iloI-S; tneh ha'; i ga 3
OF Lager, IA Nnt OF Deer 'nrch 14n:te>'
~ the foEel9n el2n1est OF ou, c.ty,
which docs not Hlto@ioat",j aad fear
aoHSed Fie water peo"N>a he di.tn /
orlnG ny gravy on It-j!len bad al
o1her, ln5o "nlch 2oaEei Tsne. ar, !n#s-
tard' and hne cat tooac", under the de
luSlon th&t | was i"aEiHG a brand.
punch-tleii rsmSnoer-d That ha:'
resolved not 10 drink an. thing that
would lntoXlcate, SO / hefolrally threw
ny - "l''5 '"'lIn 'Hlo 'Ae Iife, ana ca!-
lG" l'' . lass u A"e7er' u orlhk "h!cn
Vile eS''F IoutonS in'fou"ceu INTO this
country ana "h-ch uoes hol EtoAlcate'
Then the music struck up again, and
| wanted the alligator to Waitz-alIiga-
ter refused to speak to me-thougIt
Id take OF my coat and whip alliga-
tor INTO decency, but as | was trying
to accomplish the enterprise, [ lost NV
balance and sat down III q plate OF
mustard belonging to fierce German
who instantly seized me by the nous.
tache, Wherc"pon he knocked ms
down-Ecso!red tAat I'd kill fierce
German Immediately, and explained te
him at length that if he'd let me 90 III
I'd cut bis head off with an oyster
.,.:i;--then Damphool came and paci
led 'ne. and took fierce German away
-cuc up and had some Lager, the
whole Of which | poured into my bos
ON, as | was trying to explain to the
bystanders that Lager "a pleasant com