The weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington, Iowa) 1858-1860, 1858-08-10


sayinrs Of our brethren Of tho Pressr who
esl evesy suhiect oe the day. Oftsn when
Vsaried win hooking over Our huge pile Of
exchanges, ~ Rnd oar very sools reffsshed
IS 4 hearty laugh-and we belong to that
eiase Of people who know just how to laugh
-caused By como editorial witticism. In
the hope that We may cause moments
nleasure 70 some weeried and worried fel-
Low editor, We have clipped some Of these
sSolBs," and shall "let or few OF them
occasionally in the Ners Letter until We
''run out Of the supply-unless fresh -
oortment should arrive from the same sour.
ees. For instance an editor heads an item,
IAN EDITOR DEAD" In goes our assistant
editor, the scissors, to clip an item to DC
placed under ito appropriate heading IN the
Ners Letter, when to our chagrln and a.
musement we find tits but q joke. This is the
item: "Wm. Fisk, Esq, editor of the
Press 10 dead. Mr.. +. was a'poet, but from
some reason or other, did not like our views
upon the merits OF his poetry, and SO cut US
from his exchange list We, however, con
tinued to send him the Transcript, and yes.
tsrday il was returned to this Office marked
send this paper to This was the first
animation We had Of Mr.. F.'s death, and we
suppose he left word with his SON to send
his exchanges 70 his new abode" Phanzs
phriend Phisks pheelinks. Killing man
OF in that way Is most too hard, but we can
scarcely wonder ct it if the poetry spoken OF
was anything like that received by an editor,
who upon declining the same, remarks TO
the poet, "Your lines entitled sympathy
are respectfully declined The sentiment Is
excellent, but the rythm sounds like rolling
frozen pumpkins on barn floor, and the
measures is not what it should be-" Ii a
production answering the above description
was really received, we can agree with
Punch, who says "The reason why editors
arc 80 apt to have their manners spoiled, IS
because they receive from one correspondent
and another such vast amount OF evil
communication"
But to find the happiest hits, end thrusts
We turn to those which are written about
the editor unhappiness, for while AN edi-
tor in Iowa has become SO hollow from de-
pending upon the printing business alone for
bread, that he proposes to sell himself for a
stove pipe" another one, in neighboring
State. us 30 poor that he never stands upon
more than one foot at time, for fear that
he may wear out his boots quick, and an,
other in Minnesota Threatens to break up
housekeeping, and 20 to boarding with his
delinquent subscribers" Next is one who
says ITO those who promised to pay their
subscription in grain, that unless it is deliv-
cred before the first Of FEBRUARY, will be
compelled to receive old clothing in its
stead" from which we may infer that any.
thing is good enough fer the printers Up
on the same subject another one says we
have no turnips to mix with our potatoes
Don't bring us any more apples We have
for the present, qaantam suDicit, which
means-great slathers," while still another,
with his mind rather tending towards ami
NAL than Vegetable food, informs his delin-
quent subscribers that "He has response
bilties thrown upon him which he is oblig-
ed to meat One editor announces "that
the publication of his paper will be suspend
ed Tor six weeks, in order that he map visit
St Louis with q load of bear skins, hoop
poles, shingles, oak bark, picked catfish,
&c. which he has taken on subscriptions,
while an able contemporary "lssoes halt a
sheet, and says ii its subscribers don pay
up better, the editor will have to issue semi
monthly. monthly, or not at all" One who
aspres to foreign correspondence, but who
was short Of travelling funds, 'Sat upon a
saw horse for ar imaginary journey. and
wrote letter home to his paper. But the
most accommodating one is Pennsylvania
editor who saws .he intends taking a tour
through the country to visit his patrons, and
will be prepared to take in trade, wheat,
oats, corn, pork, beef, buckwheat, apples,
potatoes, chickens, turkeys, pumpkins, but
ter eggs, sour crout horses, mules, wagons,
calves, wheel barrows, harness, hoop-poles,
. lath, lime, apple butter, stocking yarn, hard
soap, cider, dried apples, beans, turnips
wool, feathers, geese, ducks, dry goods, gro
cerics, hardware, queensware, ana ready
made clothing, or anything else eatabie, at
the current market value One nearly as
accommodating says, although we prefer
the money, yet those who can't pay it will
please send US some of their old clothes,
shanghai eggs, sour circuit, rotten pine-appies,
&C., we will take anything in the world ex.
cept a scolding rife or a dull razor" and
then to sum up all these ills, some despond-
ing Quill driver must needs put into circnla-
ton the fact tina. 1.-THE tables of mortality
show that lives of editors, compared with
other men, are comparatively short They
wear out before their time" as if the only
hope they have for q respite from their great
troubles is an early release from them.
Compliments are also sometimes bestowed
upon our friends which they hasten to give
to the public. We have retained some, aud
those who recognize them as applicable to
their own case, can take them and welcome.
"A gentleman was promenading fasiona-
BILE street, with bright little boy at his
side. when the youngster cried: o Pa, lookl
there goes an editor p hush, hushl' said the
father; don't make sport Of the poor man.
God only knows what you may come toyet
1t is too hard for parents to influence the
minds Of offspring in such manner. Even
the colored race have no regard for the edi
tors feelings; things have certainly come to
q great pass. "An. editor got shaved in a bar
bershop lately, and offered the darkey a
dime, which was refused, because, said he,
Il understand you are an editor We'll
what Of thatY we never chage editors
nufin! But such liberality will ruin you.
'oh nebber mind we makes it up off the
gemmen r" Here is another compliment
"a horse dealer, describing usedup horse,
said he looked as if be had been editing q
daily newspaper. But the policeman who
rescued from drowning shaggy spaniel
who had been in the brine some fifteen or
twenty minutes, was more sarcastic. He
fully his. caudal appendase, he looks like
the editor Of a monthly magazine, trying to
please everybody and just missing it. If
these compliments are in any manner doubt
full. here is one which does show meaaeSs
and no mistake. THE editor having lent
his axe to one Of his subscribers, the Dor
rover unfortunately broke off the handle.
On returning it, the man said, you can east
" have it fixed YES replied the editor,
but that will cost al least quarter OF dol
lar We'd rejoined tho borrower, If you
hint rather small for an editor. Here's the
quarter, hut I'll thank you to stop my paper
1t once" such a subscriber must have
belonged to that family mentioned by the
editor who wants to know, whether IF tie |
devil were 20 die, the newspapers would not
,ulopize his character If they didn't the |
editors would be very likely to get uncere-
order from some Of the relatives OF
the deceased-'stop my paper
Perhaps the following 'squibs' may give
some light upon the way of keeping up news
papers in some places 1t is certainly
novel plan, to say nothing Of its Justice