The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-05-01
SATURDAY 1855

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1858.
PromAhe Springfield Republican.
TIMOTHY TITCOMB's LETTER TO YOUNG
WOMEN. ,
When l was young man (Memory does
not have to 70 as far as it might to recall
the pcriod,) observed a couple OF facts
from which / now propose to draw lesson
for your benefit. observed, first, that
young married women had a peculiar charm
for unmarried young men, and that young
mans first love was almost uniformly de-
voted to woman older than himself. /
suppose might name one young man who
was affected in this way, but what would be
the use? 1t is enough for you to know the
facts, and for me to explain and improve
them. t t 5E
A manageable young woman occupies,
or is made to occupy, position OF peculiar
hardship. Our theory is that woman
should never make m advance toward the
man she loves and would marry. Such a
step is deemed inconsistent with maiden
modesty. do not quarrel with this, but
the effect has been to make young women,
who possess sensitive natures, hypocrites.-
It ought not to do it, but it does. Every
modest young woman, possessing a good
degree of gumption, plays q part, almost
always, when in the society Of young men.
The fear is that by some word, or look, or
act, she shall express such degree of inter-
est in the young man as shall lead him to
believe that she is after him. Young women
study the effect of their language, they often
shun civilities, they put on an artificial and
constrained style of behavior, for fear that
some ass will misconstrue them, or some
gentleman whom they wish to please will
deem them too forward, and so become dis
gusted. The result is that man rarely
finds out either the best or the worst points
of his wife's character before he marries
her. Social intercourse is carried on under
kind Of protest, which places every young
woman in position absolutely false before
the eyes of young men. Many woman owes
a life Of celibacy and disappointment to the
fact that she never felt at liberty to act out
herself.
With these statements, it is very easy to
understand the attractions which young
married woman has for bachelor, and to
explain the phenomenon of young man
falling in love with woman older than
himself. In the first instance, married
woman becomes agreeable because she be-
comes perfectly natural and unconstrained,
hor circumstances allowing all the more
graceful forms of politeness-the cordial
greeting, the complimentary attentions, and
the free onversation-withou danger of
being misconstrucd. In the latter instance,
| the woman throws off her cohstraint in the
same manner, because she is in the society
Of one whom she regards as, in reality, a
boy. She finds, very much to her surprise,
that she has won the boys heart, but it was
the most natural thing in the world. He
had never got a sight at woman's nature
before. The girls with whom he had asso-
ciated had always worn mask. The real
heart behind it be had thus far failed to
apprehend. There is a very general i'm
preston among the young men whose aifec-
tions are not engaged, that the best women
are married, and that those who are left do
not amount to much. They will think dif-
ferently sometime or other.
Now my idea is that this universal mask
wearing system should be broken up. 1t
does injustice to all parties. If there is, in
society, any poor fool of young man, whose
vanity is so open to fattery that a young
woman cannot treat him with naturul, cor.
dial politeness, without his thinking tha,
she would like to marry him, and is trying
to ensnare him, let him think SO, and trus,
to time and circumstances for justice. Such
men are Of too little account in the world
to pay for carrying a'deceitful face, anG
despoiling the intercourse of the young OF
its sweetest charms. If you like the society
of young men, take no pains to conceal it
but treat them with frank cordiality. Nc
true gentleman among them will misconstrut
you. 1t is not necessary for you to tell then
that you calculate to live a maiden life
They know you lie. 1t will not do to indi
cate to any man of sense that you do mo-
like the attentions and society of youns
gentlemen, for he knows better. lie knows
at least, that you ought to like them, ane
that if you do not, there is something wrong
about you. Don't practice humbug of any
kind. A man who is frank and open-heartet
with you, deserves to be met with frank
open heart by you; and in ninety mine case.
in every hundred. men will be honorable ant
manly with you, if you will lay aside sus.
picion, and trust them. If man proves
unworthy of your confidence, you have YOU
remedy. Cut him dead, or tell him wha
you think of him, and bring him up on hi.
marrow bones.
l have given my advice, without man,
qualifications, but do not misconstrue me
l write upon the suppositlon that you have
got common sense, and know what mean
Some people, 1suppose, would present you
with formula by which to conduct all YOU
intercourse with y"ung men. know that
there are many fathers and mothers who
will think that upon this subject! ough,
to guard my language and be more particu
lar. But know very well that if you have
not sense and prudence enough to take thi.
general counsel, and use it judciously, nj
qualifications that could make would be oi
any service to you thrust you. believ.
you are virtuous young women, with pur,
hearts and true intention; and know there
is no danger to you until you cease to b,
such. You have IN instinct--God's word il
your own souls--that tells you when mar
takes the first wrong step towards you; ant
if you do not repel that step in such a man
ner that it will never be repeated, do yor
suppose that anything could say would dc
you any good? say this: that perfec
frankness and cordiality ih the treatment Of
young men are entirely consistent with The
safety Of any true woman from insult OF
offensive familiarity. Is your father afrait
to trust you out of his sight9 am not
If were, would be ashamed to confess it.
particularly if you were daughter of mine
believe in you, and l believe, moreover
/ that if this internal idea that men are youl
natural enemies, and that you must chea,
them and look out for them, could be go,
out Of the way, and free and unconstrained
social Intercourse established between you
and them, they would be much better, and
you altogether safer for it. "a
There is another subject, more or les.
| intimately associated with this, which ma,
as lwell be treated here. 1t very natural
for young women 10 get in the habit Of treat.
ing only those Young men politely whom
they happen, for various reasons, to fancy
They ssdon't care" what the majority Of
young men think of them, provided they
retain the good will of their particular pets
They are whimsical, and take on special and
strong likes or dislikes for the young men
they meet. One is perfectly hateful" and
another is "perfectly splendid, }" and so they
proceed to make fools of themselves over