Mountain Democrat. [volume] (Placerville, El Dorado Co., Cal.) 1854-1860, 1858-03-27
The Tennessee Squire Of the OIdsn Time.


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The Tennessee Squire Of the 0Iden Tine
There hourished for many years, in a certain
village in the good State of Tennessee, an &C
centric fellow who rejoiced in the name Of Pc
ter lizard. For many years he filled the i'm
portant Office known in the various parts of
the Union as Magistrate, Alderman or Justice
of the Peace. The following is a sample of
Squire Yards mode of proceeding:
A gentleman by the name of McMurran
was riding through c., where his horse
lost shoe. For replacing it the blacksmith
whose name was Enos Bildo, charged the cool
sum of an eagle--or, rather, two sOvereigns.
Naturally indignant, our traveller refused to
pay such an exorbitant demand, and he was
arrested at the suit Of Vulcan.
There being no other resource, Mr.. McMur-
ran was escorted to the Magistrates office,
back Of the bar.
After being introduced to the most august
presence of the Squire, and the charge stated,
the folio ing dialogue occurred:
''Well, sir. what is your name?"
"McMurran, sir. "
''Iumph, Mr.. McMurran-no other name?"
"JOhn McMurran, SIR"
"No, Mr.. McMurran-no alias"
'Of course l have not, sir-I have no need
Of one"
''Where do you live, Mr.. Carrion?"
my name amt CarriOn-.I told you it was
McMurran."
"Well, Mr.. Merton, did you make any bar
gain for shoing your horse!"
"No SIR"
''Then, Mr.. Burton, you acted, you acted,
sir-excuse me-likc q fool"
II don't come here to be insulted, sir, and
no man shall talk so to me !" cried Mac.
know you did not, Mr.. Fulton--kecp ST.
lence, or Ill fine you-you acted, sir-don't
contradict me-like q perfect fool and let
this be warning, sir, never to trust such n
scoundrel as Enos Bido (the Smith) farther
than you can sling bull by the tail, sir; Ito
the plaintitf) mean yOu-yOu skunk You'd
steal the copper off your dead mothers eye,
you poor, no-souled hog"
1.-THE sentence of the court is, that you,
Enos Bido shall have too dimes for your
work, which is all it's worth, and if you say
another word Ill knock you down. Clear
this court"
Fully satisfied with this verdict and highly
amused with his adventure, Mac. went OH his
way.
This way of confounding names was a IA
vorite hobby of the Squires, and he was an
adept in the art. On one OCCASION when he
was summoned as a witness before a State
Court, one Of the lawyers undertook to pay
him off in his own coin. When the Squire
took the witness stand the following dialogue
occurred:
'What is your name, sir 7"
''Peter lizard"
''HOw old are you, Mr. LizZard?"
'My name is Izard-Peter lizard"
81 beg your pardon, Mr.. Gizzard, but I'm
little hard of hearing this morning"
''Izard, sir-s4zard."
"Ah, l understand. Well, Mr.. Buzzard,
how old are your"
"Now, look here, mister, that's not my name,
and won't answer"
'You WON'T answer my question, Mr.. Trizzlc
we'll see about that! Now, sir, what's
your age, Mr.. Drizzle?"
The witness maintained logged silence.
"Perhaps he'd better spell his name for
you" said the court, choking with laughter.
Eye" cried the witness, 'zed-ay-ar-dee !"
"Well your honor, | called him by that
name all along easel"
"Any fool might know it spells lizard "
shouted Peter.
MAY it please the court" interposed the
attorney, throwing himself up with an air Of
dignity, ''either this witness Meascls, must
be removed, or l shall withdraw from the
bar"
"You rascal II" beloved the Infatuated Pc.
ter.
''Sheriff, take charge Of the witness" cried
the court. sitting for a moment its mirth, for
the only sober faces in the assemlage were
those the lawyer and the witness.
'sYd nneed! |" called out Squire lizard
~ nrt too, you low'lived vaga-
q jail for three days, and
e26 court.
He, Ame up to Peter to carry
him off
whats nv name, Tom ?" cried the Squire
IS he was led out
peter lizard, " was the prompt response.
The following day the Squire was pardon
cd End his fine RENTED; but never after
wards did he venture to use the weapon that
had been SO efectualIy turned on himself