The River Falls journal. (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1857-1861, 1858-01-13
HARD SHE'LL SERMON.

.
| HARD SHE'LL SERMON.
Ny BELIEVED BREETHERING.- am
an unlarnt hard shell Baptist preacher OF
whom you've no doubt heern before and
now appear here to expol1nd the Scrip
turo and pint out the narrer way which
leads from a vain world to the streets of
the New Jerouesalum, and my text which
I shall chuse for the occasion is in the
leds of the Bible, somewhere between the
second Chroniea's and the last chapter of
Timothy Titus and when you find it you
will find it in these words. sa
"And they shall gnaw a file and flee
into the mountains Of Hepzidam, where
the lion roareth and the wang doodle
mourneth for its frst-born."
Now my breethering, as | have before
told you, am an uneddicated man, and
know nothing about grammar talk and
collidge hifalootin; but I'm a plain unlai Mt
preacher Of the Gospil what's been fore
ordained and called to expound the scrip
tiers to q dyin' world, and prepare q per-
verse generation for the day Of wrath,
for they shall gnaw q file and flee unto
the mountains Of Hepzidan, where the
lion roareth and the wang doodle mourn
eth for its first born"
Ny beluyed breethering, the text says
''they shall gnaw a file" It don't say
mag but s1aU. And now there's more
nor one kind Of file, single file, double
file, and profile but the kind Of file spo-
ken of here isn't one Of them kind nei-
ther, because it's a figger Of speed, my
Lreethering, and means goin' it alone
and gettin' ukered: for ''they shall gnaw
a file and flee unto the mountains Of Hep
zidam, where the Eol roareth, aud the
wang doodle moumeth for its first born"
Andn there be some here with fine
close on their backs, brass rings on their
fingers and lard on their har, what goes
it while they're young; and there be
brothers here what, as long its hard CON
stitutions and forty cent whisky last goes
it blind; and there be sisters here what
when they git about sixteen years old,
cut thar tiller ropes and goes it with q
rush; but 1 say, my dear broethering,
take care you don't find when Gabriel
plays his last trump, that you've went it
alone and got ukered; for "they shall
onaw file and flee unto the mountains
Of Hepzidam, where the lion roareth and
the WANG doodle mourneth for its first
born" ........ -.......
And my breethering, thar's more dams
beside Hepzidam. Thar's Rotterdam,
Haddam, Amersterdam, mill dam and
don't-care-a-daln- the last of which, my
dear breethering, is the worst Of all, and
reminds me of Circumstance | once knew
in the state of Illenoy There was man
what built him a mill on the east fork OF
Ager creek, and it was good mill and
ground sight of grain, but the man
what baiIt it was a miserable sinner, and
never give anything to the church; and,
nv breethering, one night thar come a
dreadful storm Of wind and rain, and the
foundations of the great deep was broken
up, and the water rushed down and
swept that mans mill dam into kingdom
come, and 10 behold, in the morning
when he got up be found that he was
not worth q dam. Now, my young
breethering, when storms of temptation
| overtake you take care you don't fall
from grace-aud become like that mans
mill-not worth a dam; for s'they shall
enaw a file and flee unto the mountains
of Hepzida1n, where the lion roareth and
the wang doodle mourneth for its first
BORN ~
"V here the lion roaaeth and the wang
doodle mourneth for its first-born." This
part of the text, my breethering, is anoth-
er fgger Of speech, and isn't to be taken
as II saws # doesn't mean the howlin
wilderness, where John the hard shell
Baptist was fed on locus and wild asse:
but it means, my breethering, the city Q
New Yorleans, the mother of harlots anc
hard lost-whar corn is worth SIX bit
one day and nary red the next-whal
Inliiccers are as thick as black bg5ss il +;
spilled bacon ham, and gam blers. thieFe
9na rickpookets 50 skitlag around th