The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1858-05-26
Doestioks' Lager Bier Experience

anu WltnaI, is not intoxicating, SO people
say. Lager has taken out his papers and
become naturaized, and is now as thor
oughly American, as he was before pecu-
liarly German. Lager is a capital fellow
to know, and have just formed his ac-
quaintance. never drink inebriating
compounds for several reasons one of
which is, I can't afford the money it costs
to get drunk, or the time it takes to get
sober. | have therefore renounced my
former friends, Brandy Cocktail and Whis-
key Punch, who are slippery chaps B.
G.. left me in a Station House with my
head the size of peach basket and W.
P. on one occasion led me into the socie-
ty of some gentlemanly looking individu-
ais who picked my pocket of all my mon
ey and then BACKED my eyes because I
didn't get bigger salary.
But the other night / went with Damp
hool to drink Lager Bier. because I am
convinced that it does not contain half as
much alcohol as distillery milk, and there
is no more danger of man getting drunk
upon Lager than on sweet cream.
We went to the place; there was
huge stuffed alligator nailed against the
wall, and about fifty men were sitting at
round tables each with a pipe in his
mouth and glass in his fist Twenty
girls were running about with great clus-
ters of bier mugs in their hands, and with
their pockets full of copper change.
There was little place at one end of
the room devoted to music, containing one
piano with Dutchman, attachment, two
violins, horn with so many twists and
curls, that it looked like very elaborate
variation of Yankee Doodle done in brass,
and patriarchal fiddle of immen Sc cor
pulency, which scorned to utter a note of
less dignity than the double c, and which
was big enough for two to sleep in, with
room to turn over separately.
After long search we found two chairs
which were not pre-empted by Dutchmen.
but the smoke was SO thick we had to cut
little airholes with our jack knives before
we could see to sit down without getting
into somebody's beer mug. Then German
we thumped on the table vigorously, till a
German maiden loomed through the to-
bacco fog, and nnally answered our sum-
mons. Some one of her playful country.
men had just baptized her with beer sops,
and she was now call dripping from the
recent food" and as wet as if she had
been out in a shower of Lager without an
umbrella.
Damphool gave her feeble wink, and
said 'zwei,' whereupon she brought us,
with her own fair hands, tive mugs of the
beverage known as Lager and stood
waiting with her hands on her hips
thought she wanted to enter into CONVEX
sation, SO by the way of making myself
agreeable, | winked as Damphool had and
also said 'zwei,' as term of endearment.
She deserted US for an instant, and came
back with two more mugs of beer. i'm
agined that of course zwei meant dar-
ling and that she had misunderstood
me-attsmpte1 to explain in man.
ner following :-'Zwei, zwei,' said !, mot
more beer. but zwei,' after which lucid
explanation, she vanished again and
brought two more mugs, at which Damp
hool stopped laughing long enough to tell
me that she would keep bringing pint doses
of Lager as long as continued TO remark
'zwei, which, he informed me, means
two glasses Of Lager, and be in hurry
about it,'-he also said the reason she
didn't 90 away when she had served US
was because she wanted her change-paid
her the money-thanked my friend for
his gratuitous lesson in German, and be-
gan to drink.
The first glass seemed like sour strong
beer with good deal of water in it; the
next was not quite SO sour, and the sue.
ceeding one tasted as if the original beer
had been stronger and they had not dilut.
ed it so much Then We rested, and, as |
had drunk three pints already, was will.
ing to stop, but Dampool assured me
Lager isn't intoxication,' SO alter little
settling down, 1 thought could hold an.
other glass and ordered it; it was brought
by young lady who seemed to me to have
four eyes and two noses pointing in differ.
erent directions, which unusual effect wa.
undoubtedly caused by smoke"
Then I thought I'd have glass ol
Lager. "a liquid known to most of the In.
habitants of Manhattan.) 1t was brought
by girl so pretty, that | Immediately or,
dered two more and kept her waiting iol
| the change each time so [ could look at