davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

.cTA HIcH RENr.-A hole in the crown
of your hat.
CV Jim Smaks puts everything in USE
His wife has a bald head, and he straps his
razor on 1.-THE scamp.
CO A woman has been arrested ia A!ba-
ny for stealing old iron she had fourteen
pounds Of it secreted in her bosom. The
offence weighe SO heavily upon her that she
was detected.
CO A man very much intoxicated was
sent to Jail. "Why did you not bail him
out!' inquired a bystander of a friend.-
"Ba'l him out 2" e1cln!rued the other, 'why
you could not pump him out"
cVA story is told of miser who refused
to let man light his cigar by the flame of
an apology for candle, saying, ooh 60
away; away; hav'D' got enough light for my
cF After speaking of the advantage to
England and United States of the Atlantic
Telegraph, Punch hopes that the American
sea serpent vii! not rud.ly intervene and be
sca.y enough TO snap those tics asunder.
ca A magistrate asked an Irishman
whom he was questioning:
'llave you ever seen the sen p
'Ever seen the say, your honor! Be Jasus
an does ycur honor suppose that was trun-
died all the way over the the salt ocean in Il
Cy"A Savage Prcceed;ng''-An Indian
running away.
CY"The United States Treasury is in
bad way. !: has 'shel!ed OUT till nothing is
left but a 'Cobb.''
D 'Dennis, my darlin! och, Dennis,
what is it ye', don'?'
whist, Biddy, Pm tryin' an experiment.
'Murter , what is it?'
'lt's myself that's givin' hot wa,her to the
hens, SO they'll lay boiled eggs
y a friend relates the following: A
mile or two from town he met boy on
horseback, crying with cold. 'Why dom,
you get down and lead him ? that's the way
TO keep warm
'Na,' said the boy, 'i,'s b. b. bored hoss,
and III ride him if froeze.'
CO A poor Tilted blade says:
"woman's love is like Scotch snur.
You set enep:nch and that's enough"
Whereupon darkey responds:
"Womsn's love, Ike ngy-rulSc.
1t stretch &c more te more you iub her"
CO At prayer meeting in Buffalo, a
gentleman requested the prayers of the con-
gresation, "as he was about to be married"
CO 4 Dencon A., on an extremely
cold morning in old times, was riding by the
house Of his neighbor B, the latter
chnpping wood. The usual salutations were
exchanged, the severity of the weather brief
ly discussed, and the horseman made demon
strations of passing on, when his neighbor
detained him with
'n"n't be in hurry deacon. Wouldn't
you like glass Of good old Jamaica, this
morninS?'
'Thank you,' kindly SAID the gentleman, at
the same time beginning to dismount with the
de!lbera;ion. becoming deacon, Il don't care
if do.'
'Ah, DON'T trouble yourself to get of dea-
c"n,' said tho neighbor, Il merely asked for
inf 'rma'ion. We havn't a drop in the
house,
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
From the Capital City Pact.
A NOAD TO THE kONIIT.
By A NATIVE.

Yu graft long tailed infernali kritteI! yu
Think that yu cir SUM, and hev KUN tn skear
The wimmin and the childers inter Cts.
And them wot thinks the worlds agoin 70 bust
Begin tu say ,h cir praires, and let their koru
And taters 60 tn thunder! -
Komit. I say, ssa7.s=rs-
whair did yu kum frun,. and whair in al
The nashun air yu going 10? yu graft
Big spessimint wot nobody ken tale -E.
thing about! Ell had got tel
As long as yurn, I'D be perlite, and KUN
When its so orful hot that niggers melt
Down inter greas spots, and I'D kool the At
Mosfere / wood, by gorge, and not be run.
In after sol like eyu why yure two small
A pattern. DpOnt yu kno ef yu shuld KUN
Up,n him onct, he'd scorch yur fethers oph
So quick W cudn't wink yoer /, II you
Hev got the art!ckan Woodnt you smeii?.
Kolnit rather kalkllate yu wood. A.
But yure q graft howard, and yu doont want
Toe git yure tale in his direckshun,so
Yu waite till he's gone down. and then you keet
Acrost the fealds and beat him up next da.
Yure kute, yure sharp as emmy steal trap, but
Yud better dubble up yur tale fur fear
The frost mite bite it or may be wed hev
1t tanned by rairi's sistym, and maid intu
A teIegraf cable fur the mune.
II WI doont suck egs, and air brute that
Ken be used fur useful purposes, ! think
Yu'd better STA. But ef w amt, why then,
Yu'd better leave. komit gode bl-fairwell
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
50 90 A YEAR, IN ADVANCE.

f'my wife's cousin,' as evinced in the small
section of his autobiography which he had
given me, and very soon after he had finish
cd it, VIC reached his dwelling. II bis shop
was dingy, there was no dinginess here
The edifce was built on the Philadelphia
style, having large dining room back Of
the two parlOrs, and noble kitchen in the
rear of the dining room. The whole door,
rs we'll rs the airy and pleasant bed rooms
above stair, were probably adorned with a
better description Of furniture than was
owned by the Governor Of Pennsylvania
Every thing was in perfect order, and al
though the locksmith's wife was somew hat
uppish in her notions, | soon perceived she
was a capital housekeeper, and that my
friend was proud Of his house, and proud OF
his wife, and proud of bis two sons, who
had come from boarding school to spend the
vacation. / found that these lads were
quite intelligent, and that they were both
intended for the learned professions. While
on parlor organ, the worthy smith begged
which he re-appeared in perfectly clean lin.
en-, and n suit Of dainty black. We suppcd
at table spread with the utmost profus,on,
and in the evening, some company coming
in, conversation and musis hlled up the
passing hour. was deeply interested, and
concluded that "my wife's cousin" the
locksmith and bell hanger, was wise man,
and that unw,ttingly be had discovered the
true philosophers stone. Daily work was
to him as necessary as his daily bread, and
the toll of the shop only served to enhance
the pleasures and recreations of a refined
and happy home. On taking my leave, /
realized that had been taught valuable
lesson: Employment is the heaIthful 10, of
life, and he that would seek happiness in
state of perpetual repose, betrays profound
ignorance cf the benefcent laws which gov.
ern his being.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

ET ! plows, sows. Irenps, / naows,l
gets up wood for winter, 4 digs, hoes, md
taters grows, and for what knows Hm in.
debted to the printer. do surpose sll
knowledge flows right from the printing psepe.
% OF goss in these 'ens eics,ies nd ssttiees
ur~- 0ness. "a ~ - ES sSzFE Ax5
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

GA Protestant lady, having an Irish Ro-
man Catholic servant who was accustomed to
go to confession, asked her what took place
between her and the priest. Her reply was
"Why, ma'am, tells them all the lies tell
and all the things takes!' .,. ..
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

CO person complaining of the small
ness OF some chops brought to the table, IA
incorrigible wag observed ed-"Probably the
sheep was fed on short commons
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
JAMES BUCHANAN.


James BuchHnAn was bOTn IN rankIln
county, Pennsylvania, April %, l19l. lie
received classical education, and studied
law in Lancaster county, which has since
been his home He was twice elected to
the Legislature, and was in Congress from
1920 to 1880. In 1881, jackson gave him
the mission to Russa. On his return. he
was elected to the United States Senate, and
twice re- elected, and in 1915, Mr.. Polk APP
pointed him Secretary OF State. In 1858,
he WAS Minister to England. lie returned
in May, le56, and WAS naugura.cd Prcs;-
dent. March 4th 1857.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
ID. {. HLOOMEIl'S
CARTER & COuRTRlcH1,
Successors to Porter 4 Carter,)
REAL ESTATE AGENTS

N"e'son and Commission Merchants
FOR THE SALE or
Houses. Lots. Lands, &C, Middle
D'eaoway, Council Bluffs. Iowa.
patch ~"' attended 10 with promptness and dis
H. RErsRro
200. VIM, p,s a, hcnton. JE, p Snow, G. A. Robin
ao, y gnpSonson, Council Bluns; S Druiard But
''e', Albany, y Y, tni3-u
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
THE AMERICAN RESIDENTs.


George Washington was born at Bridges
Creek, Virginia, February 22d. 1882. At
the age Of 10 he was appointed one of the
Adju,ant- Generals Of Nirgiua. In l1J4 he
joined the expedition Of Gen. Braddock, who
was killed, when the command drgU.yed on
Wushington, whose mastery conduct at the
retreat is celebrated in history. He was
soon appointed Commanders in chief Of
the forces Of Virginia, and in 1888 led the
expedition to Fort Duqucsne (psttshurgh,) }
which repealed the French from the Western
frontier. In l1714, he was sent to the Con-
tinental Congress, and in l11'5, he WAS APP
pointed Comnander-in-c chief of the Ameri-
can army, and served through the Revolu-
.;ion, refusing to receive any pay, and only
Ssimhurscments of his expenses. In 1887
he was appointed delegate to the National
Convention for forming the Constitution,
and was chosen its President. In 1889, he
was unanimously elected President of the
United States for four years, and unani-
mously reelected in 1893. lie declined Il
third election, and issued his farewell ad-
dress. After Mr.. Adams Inauguration, he
retired to Mount Vernon, where he died,
Dec. l4th, 1899, in the sixty eigth year Of
his age. HIS virtue and patriotism have
won for him the imperishable title, through
out the world, Of "tATIER OF HIS COUNTRY"
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
uGAR MANDATORY.

mr. ,s~"y, oppo.tt. :. ID. Hon.,..
0 "a as1Nos =, ~. Of CIGARS Always ON HAND
'ain, y WssTr1a ;a1 ans,l ns,.il. II. r
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
JOHN ADAMS.

John Adams was born in Brantree, Mass,
Oct. Both, 1875, was educated Mt Harvard
College. In IT'S, he wills elected to the
Continental Congress; in 1877. Minister to
France, and in 1880, Minister for negota
ting Il peace with Great Britain. In 1889
he was elected Vice President, and re- elect
ed in 1893. In 1877 he was elected Presi-
dent, and served four years. On the 4th
day of July, 1926, the aged patriot died in
peace, u,tering, jus. before his death, when
asked for a sentiment for the day, "Indo-
nendence foreyer!' -
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
MI!-AgD FILLMORE.
FRANKLIN PIERCE.

Franklin Pierce was born at IIillsborough,
n. H., November 23d, 1904. lie was grad
uated from Eowdoin College in 1924; ad-
mittcd to legal practice in 1927; elected to
the Legislature in 1929; in 1882, was
Speaker CT the House, and in 1888, elected
to Congress; in 1887, he was elected to the
United States Senate, which Office he filed
until he resigned in 1912. lie went to Mexi-
co as DrigaLier General in 1877, where he
was engaged in several battles. lie was
elected to the Presidency. and inaugura:ed
March 4th 1858. lie is still living.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
THOMAS JEFFERSON.

Thomas jefferson was born at Goochland,
Va, April 18th, l743. He entered William
and Mary's College in 1850, and in l767
WAS admitted to the bar. In 1869, he was
elected to the Colonial Legislature, and in
l775 to the Continental Congress, and was
the author of the Declaration of Indepcn-
dence. In l779, he was elected Governor
of Virginia. In 1884, he was appointed
Minister TO France. In 1889, Washington
appointed him Secretary of State. In 1877,
he was elected Vice President, and 1901
President, and reelected in 1904. Ho died
july 4th, 1926.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
THOMAS s. PApHN,

Wholesale Dealers in Fancy Goods, I'M
porters Of Vines, Liquors & Cigars,
81 North Second Street.
1t. Louis, Missouri.
n20-sm
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
ZACHARY TAYLOR,

Gen. Taylor was born in Orange County,
Virginia, November oath, l7o4. He was
reared 4 farmer in Kentucky. In 1903, en-
tered the United States Army: in lcI4, he
commanded an expedition against the Brit
ish and Indians, on Rock River; in 1882,
was engaged in the Black Hawk war; in
May, 1916, fought the battles Of Pa.o Alto
and Rcsaca de Ia Palma: in September took
Monterey; in February, 1871, fought the
great battle Of Dueua VISTA; March 4th,
lS4S, he was iAauEuratel President, and
died in Office, July 9th, ISJO.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
JAMES MADISON.

James Madison was born in Orange Co.
Va, March 9Th 1857. lie graduated at
Princeton in Ill, and studied law. In
IT'S, he was elected to the Legislature Of
Virg ginia, and to Congress in 1873, to the
Constitutional Convention in 1887, and for
ten years was leader in Congress till 1897.
He was Secretary of State from 1901 to
1908, succeeded to the Presidency in 1909,
and was reelected in 1872. Mr.. Madison
died at his beautiful residence, Montpelier,
Va, and his grateful countrymen have styled
him s.Father of the Constitution"
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

|leat and fSPr
| the State
ising all III
|srder, Rue
Is, Of the ho:
N and deter
executed a
by the fea'
|refE-nameE
superin'en.-I
|hfui perform
with the asa-
unslrpassi
Hers cntrus's
a in this saI
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

p Andrew Jackson was born At Waxha~,
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

Was born in Eirsinia, in l7115, and re-
moved to Tennessee in 1906, where he resided
until he was called to the Presidential chair.
He graduated from the University of North
Carolina in 1918, and WAS admitted to the
bar in 1920. In 1923, he was elected to the
Legislaturc; in 1925, he was elected to Con-
gress; in 1885, elected Speaker Of the
House, pos. he filed for five successive
sessions. In 1889 he was elected Governor
of Tennessee, and in lS45, he was elevated to
the Presidency. lie died at his residence in
Nashville, June, 18th, ls49.
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

John Quincy Adams was born in Brain
tree (now Quincy,) Mass, July llth. 1857;
graduated at Harvard College in 1887, and
Studied law. In 1896, he was Minister to
the Netherlands, afterwards to Portugal and
Prussia; in 1903, United States Senator,
Professor of Rhetoric in Harvard College; in
1909, Minister to Russia; in 1914, at Ghent,
signed the Treaty Of Peace; in 1915, Minis
ter to England; was Secretary of State
eight years under Monroe. In 1874, be was
elected President. In 1880, he was elected
to Congress, and remained till he died, Feb.
23d, l54S. ...- ~. ...a ->- .s,a,.@ esass -".
= Andrsrz Jaakson WA born a Waxhaw,
The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16

James Monroe was born in Wcstmoreland
Co., Va, April I'd, 1859. He left William
and Nlary's College to join the army, under
Washington, and was engaged in the prin-
cipal battles. In 1880, he was elected to
Congress, in 1888 to the United States SEN
ate, and in l794 he was appointed Minister
to France. In 1893, he was chosen Govern
or of Virginia, in 1903, again Minister to
France, afterwards Minister to London; in
1907, became Secretary of State. In 1916.
he was elected President. In 1920, he was
reelected, He died in New York July 4th,
Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1858-06-10
The Little Cun of Tcars-

we hnd the following North German
legend in ''Thorpe's Yule tide Stories, >
one OF Bohn's Anticipated Stories.' II
Is too beautiful to remain in the sole
keeping of ntiquarians:-There was
once mother and a child, and the
mother loved this only child with her
whole heart, and thought she could not
live without it; but the Almighty sent a
great sickness among children, which
seized this little one, who lay on Its sick
bed, even to death Three DAYS and
three nights the mother watched and
wept, and prayed by the side of her dar-
ling child, but it died. The mother,
now left alone in the wide world, gave
way to the most violent and unspeaka-
BILE grief; she ate nothing, and wept,
three long days and three long nights,
without ceasing, calling constantly up
on her child. The third night, as she
thus sat overcome with suffering, in the
place where her child had died, her eyes
bathed in tears, and faint from grief,
the door softly opened, and the mother
started, for before her stood her depart
ed child. 1t had become a heavenly
angel, and smiled sweetly as innocence
and was beautiful like the blessed. 1t
hau IN ltS mana q small cup tnat was al
most running over, SO full, And the
child spoke: 90! dearest mother. weep
no more for me; the angels Of mourning
has collected in this little cup the tears
that you have shed for me. If for me
you shed but one tear more, it will over
flow, and [ shall have no rest in the
grave, and no joy in Heaven. There
fore, . dearest mother! weep no more
for your child; for it is we'll and happy,
and angels are its companions.' 1t
then vanished. The mother shed no
more tears, that she might not disturb
her child's rest in the grave, and its JOY
in Heaven. For the sake of her infants
happiness, she controlled the anguish of
her heart. So strong and self sacrifc-
ing is mothers love-"
Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1858-06-10
The World.

The following was one of the late
Major Noah's stories.
''Sir, bring me good plain dinner"
said melancholy looking individual to
a waiter at one of our principal hotels.
Eyes, sir"
The dinner was brought and devoured,
and the eater called the landlord aside,
and thus addressed him
"You are the landlord,
eyes"
"You do good business here?"
"Yes," Gn astonishment0
"You -probably-ten dollars a
day clear?''
"Yes."
'sThen I am safe I cannot pay for
of employment seven months; but have
engaged to go to work tomorrow. L
had been without food foura twenty
hours when L entered your place. [
will pay you in a week
81 cannot pay my bills with such
promises" clustered the landlord; ''and
I do not keep a poor house. You
should address the proper authorities -
Leave me something for security
Il have nothing
Il will take your coat.
eff 60 into the streets without that
1 will get my death such weather as it
isl
"You should have thought of that be-
fore you came here"
"You are serious? Well, I solemnly
aver that one week from now, l will pay
you"
81 will take the coat
The coat was left, and a week after
wards redeemed.
Seven years after that, wealthy mar
entered the political arena and was pre-
sented to caucus as an applicant for
Congressional nomination. The princi
pal of the causus held his peace-h
heard the name and the history of TIL
applicant, who was a member of
church, and one of the most respectabl
citizens He was chairman. Th
| vote was tie, and he cast negative
thereby defeating the wealthy applican
whom he met an hour afterwards, an
to whom he said
"You don't remember me?"
"No."
"I once ate a dinner in your hote
and although told you 1 was famisl
c ing, and pledged my word and honor
; pay you in week, you took my CO.
: and saw me go out into the inclemel
air, at the risk of my fe, without it,
/ sWell sir, what then?''
f "Not much. You called yourself
= Christian. Tonight you were cand
e date for nomination, and but for me yt
1t would have been elected to Congress.
Three years after, the Christian hote
keeper became bankrupt. The poo
IS dinnerless wretch that was, is now
high functiontary in Albany. We knc
Y, him well. The ways of Providence a
indeed wonderful, and the worlds IN
tations almost beyond conception or
lief flag Of our Union.
Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1858-06-10
The SIandered.

A venerable old man says: Let tho
slandered take comfort-it is only at
fruit trees that thieves throw tones
The old man is right. We never
heard of thieves throwing stones at the
birch, elm and maple tree? The more fruit
the tree bears and richer tits, the more
it is likely to attract the attention OF
thieves.
No man that tries to do his duty to
his fellows, and endeavors to learn to
bear the fruits of true religion in his
daily conduct can for moment suppose
that he will pass through life without
being slandered more or less. Such a
man will of necessity have some enemies;
and these enemies will try in every way
to injure him, rnd, among others, they
will not be slow in string up the pollu-
ted waters Of defamation and SANDER
A man who has no enemies is merely
milk and water nothing. We would
not give three figs for such a man.
He who is anything, who makes his
mark in the world, who does good, will
have enemies; and, if have them, he will
be sure to be slandered.
Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1858-06-10

A famous fish factor found himself
father of five flirting females-Fernan-
da, Fanny, Florence, and Fcnnella.-
The four first were fat-featured, ill-fa,
vored, fippant, fretful, forbidding faced
reckled--frumps, foolish and Haunting
Fennella was fne-featured, fresh, fleet
footed, fairy, frank, free, and full of fun
The fisher was foiled, and was forced
! by tickle fortune to forego footmen, for
felt his forefiatlzer fisle 6eid and ind "a
lelsn lSlIn al577sc IA farsal dii forest
| The four fretfui females were fond oi
figuring at feasts in fashionable fnery
fumes at their fugitive father. Forsak-
en- by fulsome, fattering fortune-hun-
ters who followed them when they first
flourished. Fennella fondled her faith
er, favored their food, forgot her fater-
ing followers, and frolicked in friezc
without founces The father, finding
himself forced to forage in foreign parts
for a fortune, found he could not afford
a farthing to his fair fondlings. The
first four were fain to foster their frivol-
their fathers finances. Fennella fear
full of flooring him, formed fancy fer
a full fresh flower. Fate favored the
fish factor for few days, when he fell
in with fog, his faithful flly's foot
steps faltered, and foot failed. He found
himself in front of fortified fortress
Finding it forsaken, and feeling him
self feeble and forlorn with fasting he
fed on the fish, flesh and foul, he found
facassed and fried, and when full, fell
fiat on the floor. In the forenoon feel
ing, fresh, he forthwith flew to the fruit
full fields, and, not forgetting Fennella,
he filched a fair flower, when a foul,
frightful, fendish figure flashed forth.
'Feloious fellow, lingering my flowers,
I'll finish you! Go, say farewell to your
fine, felicitous family, and face me in
fortnight The fainthearted fisher fun
ed and faltered, and fed fast and and
far in his fight. his five daughters
flew to fall at his feet, and fervently to
felicitate him. Frantically and fuently
he unfolded his fate. Fenenlla, forth
with fortified by filial fondness, follow
ed her fathers footsteps, and flung her
faultless form at the feet of the fright
full figure, who forgave her father, and
fell fat on his face; for he had fervent-
ly fallen in a fiery fit of love for Fen
nella. He feasted her till fascinated
by his faithfulness, she forgot the fe
rocity of his face, form, and features,
and frankly and fondly fixed Friday,
fifth of February, for the affair to come
off There was festivity, fragrance, fine
ry, fireworks, fricassed, frogs, fritters,
fish, foul, and fermentry, frontignac for
the fastidious, fruit fuss, fun, fambeaux,
four fat fiddlers aud ffers; and the
frightful form of the fortunate and
frumpish fend fell from him, and he
fell at Fennella's feet a high favored,
fine frank freeman of the forest. Be-
hold the fruits of fond, flial affection!