The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1858-09-22

The following squib was "perpetrated" in one
of the schools in Philadelphia county; it is too good
to be lost:
1t seems that few hours exemption from mis-
chief had greatly enlarged that bump Of "treache-
nv" in the upper stories OF of the young ideas,
and they took and sineared the baustrades from
top to bottom with mud. When the master came in,
he very naturally laid his hand on when he mount
ed the stairs. He was aware Of the ml-hap,
and said nothing about it till the scholars had been
called in and taken their Seats when he acquainted
them with the fact, and said he would give any one
five dollars to tell who had hand in it. Up jump
ed little red headed urchin, who said:
"Thir, you seth you'll give any one five dolarth
who'll tell who had a hand in III"
YES"
Now, thir, you'll not whip me, will yoa?"
mo"
well, ihir, y: now you won't whip"
''You young scamp, III lick you, if you don'ttell
pretty soon.'
"Ihr, you. Oh, I don't like to-"
go on or I'll skin you alive"
"Well thir, you had hand in it!'
The master gave in and forked over.
Mrs. Darlington informs us that she attended the
consort of the female cemetery last evening, and
some of the songs were extricated with touching py-
shogoras she declared the whole thing went off
like packenham shot, the young angels sung like
young syrups and looked like young angels out of
paradox She only regrets that during the showers
of applause she forgot her paraso
The life Of genteman.-He gets up leisurely
breakfasts comfortably; reads the paper regularly;
dresses fashonably lounges fastidiously; talks in
sipidly; dimes considerably; drinks superfuously;
smokes elegantly lives uselessy; dies reluctantly
is buried lugubriously, and missed by nobody.
1t is not poverty SO much as pretence that harras
ses ii ruined man-the struggle between proud mind
and an empty purse-the keeping up hollow show
that must soon come to end. Have the courage to
appear poor, and you dsarm poverty Of it's shapest
sting.
How sublime the thought, that the spirit Of man
is of value than all the stars which glitter in
the midnight armament and shall outliye them all
in peerless beauty, if sancted and regenerated by
the holy spirit.
Any thing that reveals compromise with ones
pocket is inelegant, for instance, Berlin gloves
In my opinion, naked-handed poverty is thousand
times preferable.
fMy DEAR" said wife to her husband "did you
ever read OF the plague in London?" mo, don't
want to read Of it; it's enough to have the plague
in my own house"
trampled on; revenge is coal from the furnace
which IL quenched.
There is only one objection to people who "mean
we'll and that is they never can spare time to car
~ out their meaning.
Sprggles says that although there is no such thing
muzzling the press in this country, there is plen
ty Of book-muslin.
shopkeepers are the counters in the game of life
When We have ready money, we are only too glad
to use them.
A lady is an angel that ought never to touch the
EARTH excepting when stepping from the door to her
carriage.
To ridicule old age is like pouring, in the morn
ing, cold water into the bed in which you have to
sleep at night.
You can generally tell "son of the SOIL, by the
amount he carries in his nails.
The gentleman is at once known by his walk; the
lady by her carriage
Credit is the homage that trade pays land some
times very dearly to rank.
There many stylish men, but very few men Of
style.
You know the snob by his hands-the gentle
by his boots.
1t is easier to pardon hole in persons manners
than one in his coat.
Joke with inferior, and you tumble to the leve
Of that inferior
With men, as with monuments, position is every
thing.
Society has but little faith, except in scandal.