Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-12-23
From the Nashville Patriot.
Warrington.

Washington City, the capitol Of the M
ton, the home during term time Of th'
President, land also the temporary resi-
dence Of Eve hundred and ten men who
confidently expect to be President, and
slso the seat of the United States Ga'
Works, technically called Congress,) IL
situated in the District Of Columbia-s
territory covering . horizontal surface o'
ten miles square, and extending psrpen'
dicularly all the way through. As every
place in the city is from three quarters o.
. mile to mile and three quarters from
everywhere else, Washington is called, in
Fourth- July orations and that style o.
literature generally, "the city OF magn,h'
cent distances" 1t derives its name Of
Washington from celebrated continental
officer, who bull. the pine huts and forced
his way through = very hard winter as
Valley Forge, and made CORVALLIS &C.
knowledge the corn at Yorktown. The
principal public buildings Of the city are
the Paten, Office, where the Yankees are
granted the exclusive right to manufac
ture and sell India-rubber baby Jumpers,
double -geared rattrsps. Railways Ready
Relisf-which is warranted to relieve you
Of your money, if nothing else-and other
valuable inventions Of the age; the Gener-
al Post Office, where they superintend the
mi.managemeut Of the various ma'l-routes
of the country; the National Treasury, IN
institution Of learning which has gradua-
ted more men in the ar. of swindling the
government than any ten similar or dis
similar institutions in the world; and the
City Jail, which is the only public building
in Washington which is really devoted to
honest purposes, and ,ha: is devoted to no
purpose a, all, both the permanent and tenn
poray residents of,he city being too deep
" engaged in their own rsscaiities to think
Of punshing other people for theirs.
There are two monuments in Washing.
,on-one OF red granite, erected to the
memory Of Smithson at hi. own expense,
and monument to the folly, penurIous-
ness, aud gratitude of the American peo
ple. The latter is about sixty feet hlgh,
with upward Though hopele.s) expecta'
tons of five or SIX hundred feet. 1t IS com
monty called the Washington or National
Monument. General Taylor caught his
death in 1880 at the laying Of the corne
stone of this structure. 1t is hardly prob
able that any Of his successors viii perish
at the laying OF the capstone. 1t is muca
more proba1Ie tha, Presidents will be done
way with at least six weeks before that
event.
The imports of Washington consist prn.
cipai!y of office seekers and pickpockets,
ntl,e.L Of which are frequently combined in
one. and fas, women, who indirectly make
half the laws ,ha, are put through Con :
gress. Its exports are disappointed poll
,icians and whiskey. The latter is gener
ally bottled in members Of Congress for
transportation.
Taking it altogether, Washington is an
exceedingly hard place. The public men
there are always very honest and upright,
however-that is, until :hey so home and
turn ayains. the administration, when. Of
course, they become. like Stephen A Doug
l,s and John ". Fornev, the mos. consum.
mate scoundres unhung. We have the
authority of "a number Of administration
papers lor saying 50. During the sitting
Of Congress, though, innumerable murders
and robberies are committed in the city;
but as everybody there is above suspicion,
| and wouldn't hurt hair Of your head nor
take the smallest coin from the treasury
| under the most unfavorahle circumstances
the perpetrators invariably escape detec
tion. Under these benign auspices, 1t II
| no wonder that it cannot, or has not, been
said Of Washington, as was recently said
Of one horse town in Kentucky, that If
At the las, day, Gabriel should happen se
light there first, the resurrection would he
indefinitely postponed, for some ore Of the
inhabitants would swindle him out Of bis
horn before he could make single toot.
X.