San Andreas independent., 1858-06-19
Sut Lovingood at Sicily Burns Wedding
BY s. l., OF TENNESSEE.

mountain Slopes, anu Ol lOOklnS up 10 my
left, I saw "Sut" tearing along down a
steep point, heading me off" in long
Kangaroo-like lope, holding his flask hig
above his head, and hat in hand. He
brought up near me, still banteringly
shaking the half full ticker within an
inch of my face, until the bead rose to the
corn-cob stopper. "Whar ye gwine
take suck, hoss? This yer trucks old.
kotch hit mysef hot this mornin frum
the stilwurm. Nara durn'd bit owe
strike-nine in hit put that ar piece owe
burnt dried peach in misef tn gin it cul-
ler-better nor ole Bullin's plan; he puts
tan ooze in what he sells, and when that
amt handy he mixes leetle owe red war
ter outen a pond below his barn-makes
powerful natral cutler, but don't help
the taste any. Then he korrects that with
red pepper. Hits an orful mixtry, that
owe hard shell whisky owe ole Bullin's.
He has pizened nj onto three-quarters owe
the belevin part owe his congregashun with
hit, an luther quarters gwine the same
road, eff his still-hous don't burn down
soon, or he peg out hissef. Haint he the
durndest speciment owe walkin barrel
owe ye ever seed eny how?
Say, Georgey, dye see these here we'll
poles, what l uses fur laigs? Well, |
passed EN- by each other purity peart tuth-
er day. [ put just one out so, and then
luther, say nine feet beyant, and then
KEEP doin hit. I'll just gin ye leave
tn go tu the devil haf hammo, eff
didn't make fewer tracks tn the mile, an
more tn the mint, than wur ever made
by eny humen manbody, without the help
owe hoss, since Bark Wilson beat the
saw-log from the top owe the Frog Noun
tain inter the Ocoee river, and dove and
lodged hit at last. Every thing what
talks and cries, hes pint Nv sum sort
Ole Bullin's pint is burned, fust rate,
three bladed, double barrelled, warter-
proof hypockrisy, an a onquinchibel APP
petite fur bald face. Sicily Burns pint
Is thru her feeters, an ways tn drive men
folks crazy She gins them a fever, iist
es sartin es week at New Orleans in
August wud. Durn her, she's down on
her heels now, and walks fat-footed at
that. Dads pint, an hits the only pint
hes got, is tn be the king owe all durn d
fools, since the days owe that feller the
blbil reads about, what housed so much
corn in Egypt, and lost his coat by run
min outen hit. Hit tells us who wus the
strongest man, an who wus the meekist
man, and who wus the best man, but
leves ye tn CESS who wus the biggest fool,
an eff thar's a bull niger in Tennessee,
what cudent tell the fust pop arter hearin
it red, wudent gin fifty cents fur him
sartin. lie hesent sence enuff to run into
the house eff it wur rainin ded cats, that's
all. My pint is in beatin eny body suckin
in big skeer, an then in beatin eny
body's hoss ur skared dog runnin outen
it agin. | used tu think my pint wur
like dads, onmixed fool; but when he
acted boss, gin in. Maybe when l gifts
his sperience, an EN- es old, l kin mock
the hons ofen him, an be king fool mysef
on his pint But its nifty onsartin. He
hes never been beat yet, by eny thing
that cud talk. Now eff feller knows
what his pint is, he ken get along, alters
purvidin he don't swar ava his liburty tu
temperance society, ur liv tu fur frum
stlll-hous, an tn nj church ur a jail
Them's my sentiments, an I'll gin ye an
nther owe them: Men folks wur made jist
tu drink, eat, an fur stayin awake in the
yearly part owe mites; an the wimin tu
cook the vittils, mix the liquor, an help
the men tn du the stayin awake. That's
hit, an nuthin more, onless hits fur the
wimin tn raise the devil atween meals, an
the men tu play short keerds atween
drains, swap hosses with fools, an fte fur
exercise at odd spells. Yer don't under
stand life, George, yet.
But about my swappin these yere laigs
so fast; [ he'd got about fox squirrill
skin full owe billed corn juice onder my
shurt, an wur aimin fur Bill Kar's on foot,
an when get in site owe ole Burns |
seed nj onto fifty hosses an mules hiched
onto his fence. 1t wur Sicily's weddin
She married Clapshaw the sukit rider
the same fellow he's faith gin out when
he met me maxim soda. Now, I'll tell yu
two things no body ever seed; wun is a
ded MULE means mule what jist died
far, without eny help; an tother is a sukit
riders grave. Gaze why, the he mules
all turn inter strong minded wimmin, an
then they dies like eny other human
An the sukit riders, them what marrys
money, turns inter store keepers; an them
what marrys fur it, but gifts bit, turns
inter politicians, and then they dies sorter
like humans too I'll tell yu an uther
thing about the varmints: they eat chick
ems round the surkit till they skares up
rich gall, an eff ever one owe EN- lowers
his sites onto gall, why she is gall no
longer, no more nor he staysa sukit rider.
They jist hich hosses, and good by gall,
good bye old sedge field, pine thicket,
sukit, an look out fur team owe shurttall
children, pale oman, sharp hoss tradin,
and stayin at home on kolection Sundays.
Now ole Burns had big black and white
bull, with ring in his nose an the rope
tied up round his horns. They rid Inn
tu mill and sich like with a saddle made
outen dog-wood forks and clap boards, an
kiyered with ola oarpit rome OIrth and