The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1858-11-04


en- to another, and | was left alone
My home was henceforth to be desc
late. If the trosts Of January had
fallen upon the buds and blossoms OF
the glorious midsummer, its frosted
garlands, its ice-nipped greenness,
would have been but faint emblcms
of my stripped and blasted heart. |
will not pain you by the recital of
what | suffered. | was, at first stun
ned, almost to insensibiity;I was con-
scous of an icy chilness at my heart
as if cold fingers held it with a death
grip, areeling, rushing sensation came
over me, everything was spinning
round, and | was on the tarthest verge
of the universe,a IA horrible gulf ywan-
ing for me when | should be thrown
of, and the utmost exertion was nee
eSSary to avert the fall which must
sooner or later await me. 1t came,
lost my grasp and was gone. | re-
member nothing more for weeks. In
the morning | was to be called at an
early hour to be in readiness for my
journey. Tom found me on the hearth
where had fallen and at first sup
posed me dead. But the labored, yet
slight breathing, the motionless, yet
still plant limbs told him of life re.
naming, though life that threaten
ed to depart from the tenement to
which it belonged, for the ear neither
listened, nor the voice responded to
his call.
A physician was sent for, but his
science was at fault. There was no
clue to the cause of my strange dis
case, for when fell, the letter proba-
bly, dropped from my ncrvless grasp
into the fire and had been consumed.
The servants could only inform him
that their master was as well as uSu-
al the night before, and in high spirits
at the prospect of "a pleasant journey.
At length Tom recol,ectcd having
brought me Il letter the night before,
which he had laid upon the table
1t was sought after and could not be
found. My physician wisely conjcc-
tured that it must have contained in.
formation Of peculiarly affective
character, but of what nature he was
utterly unable to conjecture. But he
was "a skiIlul practitioner, aud man
of tender and delicate feelings. lie
soon saw that my disease had its ori-
gin in the mind, and wisely rcfrained
from blood-lettings, purgings, blistcrs
and calomcl, but ordered frequent
bathing, riding and other exercise in
the open air, with mild and nutr-
tious diet, and ordered my attendants,
on no account, to say or do anything
which might, by any possibility, irri-
tate, or distress me. | was us a little
child. Had no will Of my own. Did
passvely, as | was bid, for my own
powers of voltion seemed TO have
been paralyzed. But, gradually, un-
der such kind, judicious treatment. !
recovered my usual apparent strength
and health, but that peculiar trust and
confidence which had been so promi-
nent an element in my hopeful organ
ization, was gone forever. looked
with distrust on everybody and every
thing. A settled gloom was every
where. If gazcd at the heavens,
which, heretofore, seemed so bright
and glorious, they seemed to lrown up
on mc-if | walked in the grand, old
forest, the murmuring of the whisper.
ing leaves, so pleasant, so delicious be-
fore, seemed now a threatening sound.
If | looked upon the countcnances of
those had deemed friends, and loved
to greet as such, it seemed as if all
their pleasant, sympathizing smiles
and kindly words, were but cunning
mask to hide the dark deceit within.
Even God, whom had, confidently,
worshipped in the trust and joyous
ness of my own glad nature as be-
ing OF love and mercy, now regarded
as a stern, inaexible judge, who cared
less to sec his creatures happy and
to forgive their wandcrings, than to
punish them for their errors and make
them atone for their faults. i could no
longer go to him as my consoler, coun-
sellor friend, but turned from bin as a
rigorous, uniceling judge, who had
cast me, not only from his presence,
but had banished me from all that was
excellent and valuable in his creation.
began to doubt, even, if there was a
God, at all, feeling, at times, if there
was such a being he would never have
permitted me to have been deprived
of all held dear; of all which | had
regarded with such untiring love, such
earnest devotion.