Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1858-08-05

Doe ia the State"
/ IF you are determined 10 commit suicide in con
sequence of poverty do the deed early in the morn
ing instead Of late at night, ard you viii save the
expense Of three meals.
"Jack," said a man to a lad Just entering his
teens, your father is drowned"
"Darn it." replied the young hopeful, sand he:
got my knife in bis pocket"
To kill bedbugs, take corrosive sublimate and
daub it all bedstead; then burn your bedsteed,
and bed clothing, and move into another house.
Many people drop tear at the sight of distress,
who would do better to drop dime.
The man who accdently swallowed $40 gold
piece, defed all the doctors to sstrap" him, as he
was good for $50 any time, provided he could pass
it.
Mrs. Bloomer says she never could see anything
pretty in a woman's swelling out from her hips to
her feet ike a hogshead or big bOstomed churn.
YousG AmrmcA.-"Xoung man." inquired
puzzled traveller at point of his journey where
the way diverged in different directions (which of
these roads will take me to Manchester"
''Neither, sir, but if you wait an hour the stage
will be along to take you to town for quarter"
You appear to be a shrewd boy, but not partic
ularly charged with manners. How old arc youl"
I'm hoein' around my fifteenth year; and as for
being shrewd, they reckon ne that away around
here have knocked the spots off old Dabol, aud
beat the school master at seven and parsing; but
when you talk about charged with manners, I'm
well loaded and rammed at too"'
"Have you parents living?"
parents Eving2 If sou mean the cd man ana
woman-no, thank you, they slid and left me to
play the thing alone"
s.With whom do you reside-I mean with whom
do you ive7"
"Weu, thar. if you call living being bound out
till you're one and twenty to one Of the meanest
men that ever set down to boiled dinner. live
up the bill there to old Waggoner's who farms it
with me and yoke Of roam stays"
"My young friend your early culture seems to
have been sadly neglected. Have you ever enjoy
ed Sabbath privileges7'
"You'd better think so; there amt hedgehog
ror q woodchuck within three miles of here, but
Waggoner has the meat, and l have the hide AMI
tallov.'
''What may call your name, nay lad"
"You can't make any mistake; call me what gou
have the most Of; but my genuine name IS Alph
Chesbro--for quick they call me Cheesey. But
have wasted more time than common; can Aesr
the old man giving tongue, and must worm OF, or
the old boy viii be here and lick US both So cap
tain, consider me yours, and if you'll eddy around
some Sunday. I'll show you fun or pay the ram"'
Tell me- We winged winds
That round my pathway roar,
Do you not know some spot
Where women fret no morcl
Some lone and pleasant dell,
Some 'holler'' in the ground,
Where babies never yell,
And cradles not found?
The loud wind blew the snow into nv face,
And snickered as it answered, "Nary place"
Tell me, thou misty deep,
Whose bi.lows round me play,
Know'st thou some favored spot,
Some island far away,
Where weary man may find
A place to smoke in peace,
Where crinone is not,
And hoops are out Of place?
The loud winds, sounding perpetual shout,
Stopped for while and spluttered, 'ysou git eOut"
'sTThat which thou hast to do, do it with all thy
might said clergyman to his son enc morning
go did this morning. replied Bill with an en-
thusiasm cleaning in his eye.
"Ah. what was it, darling"' and the fathers fn-
gers through his ofspring's curls-
"Why, walloped Jack Edwards" said the
young hopeful. 'till he yelled like blazes. You
should just heard him holler, daG.''
The father looked unhappy, while he explained
that the precept did not apply to any act like that.
and concluded mildly with
"You should nothave done that, my child"
"Then he'd awalloped me-" replied the young
hopeful. f- &. 3, ,,.sires .t,.-
"Better,' said the sire, "for youto have fed from
the wrath to come
ayes, but" replied hopeful, by way Of a final
clincher, s.Jack can run twice as fast as cam
The good mansighed, went to his study, took up
a pen, and endeayorcd to compose himself
"A renowned clergyman. not a thousand miles
from this city, lately preached ratt long sermon
from the text, "Thou art weighed, and found want
ing"
After the congregation had listened about an
hour, some began to get weary and wentout. others
soon followed, greatly to the annoyance ofthe min
lister. Another person started, whereupon the par
son stopped IN his sernon, and said, ''hat Is right
gentlemen, as fast as you are weighed pass out.'
He continued his sermon lcngth after that,
but no one disturbed him by leaving.
Mr.. Bandytoddy' three reasons for not drinking
are very Characteristic Of that gentleman:
. Take something to drink7" said his friend to
him one day. 20 lHH T9a
mo thank you," replied Mr.. b.
"No. why notl" inquired his friend, in great
amazement.
"In the first place. returned MIR. BrandytOddy,
81 am secretary of temperance society that is TO
meet to-day, and I must preserve my temperance
character. In the second place, this is the ami
versary of m, fathers death, and out of respect to
him have promised never 70 drink on this day;
and IN the third place, I have just taken some
thing. DR.. Broscne.
"hoss" doctorin New Orleans, made q bet OF
twenty dollars that he could D'ove from any horse
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