Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-10-23
fanalg Giirtle.
Mehetable Warren.
BY E BUNTLINE.

OIlSlHdl CudIdCtcrS 10 lay DtiOTc YOU loT
your consideration.
One is, or vas, Miss Noticeable War
rem, an ancient maiden, who had escaped
matrimony for thirtv five acknowledged
years-the~ uncharitable said at least Fifty.
Yet no one ever knew q maid that
" owned up to fifty years, did they?
Miss Mehetable was tall and lean,
painted red and white, wore her hair
frizzled all over her head like the wool
on a spaniel, called a leg a climb" and
Espoke as though she had her mouth full
of honey and choke berries.
But she was well off. She owned the
best farm in the dry region of Upper
S%calibottom, and had the only ever living
spring for miles around her, for that
country is noted for its scarcity of run
ming water, the people being literally
dependant on the : rains Of heaven" and
their own deep wells. In consequence
she had the largest and best dairy, ex-
cept alone that of Deacon Griffin, her
neighbor, who owned once fifty head of
cattle, and kept the fattest horses in the
country, and would "trot' once in a
while for a prize at ga trial Of speed"
though he was "a pillar of the church"
The deacon had the character of being
|" a hard mutt was currently reported
that his i'll usage had hurried three wives
to thei graves, and all of the mar
riageable girls in the ne~ighborhood
| stunned him as if he was on an ogre or
confirmed " blue beard"
His son Ezekiel, or, I" Zeke," as he was
called for short, though he was long as
| the Mosaic law, was a chip of the old
block only a little more, SO. lie was
about twenty years old, squirt, eyed,
knocked kneed, lantern jawed, and thick
er skulled than any ram in his fathers
flock. He had tried that by butting
more than once. In fact, butting was his
Ito, te, for his forte was in the top of his
head. He had butted ever since he
was a baby. He had butted his way
through school, for, when either the mas
ter or scholars made a butt Of him he was
certain to butt them in return.
The summer when Zeke turned his
twentieth year was the dryest season
| ever known or heard of in S~calibottom.
Nearly every we'll in the region dried
up. Not a drop of rain fell for months.
The grass did not utterly dry up, for dew
fell at night and kept it alive, but cattle
and horses actually began to perish of
thirst. Many people had to sell off their
stock, or drive it to a distance to water
and pastur.
Only the stock of Miss Mehetable
thrived well. Though she had plenty of
water, and to spare, she declared she had
not, and her neighbors asked for the
precious liquid from her in vain. The
milk Of human kindness was scarce in
her hosom.
I'll tell you what it is, father, if you
don't do one thing darn quick, all our
creeters II die off Their tongues are
lollln' out, and they're gettin as thin as
shadders."
GO an marry old Mehet Warren i
Her farm jines our'n, she'll jump at an
offer, and then we can water our
cattle at the spring [ reckon"
They say she's an awful bad woman
to get along with, and dreadful ON a
scold y sighed the deacon.
What can | do to save 'em. Zeke 2"
asked the deacon.
Oh, you Jist get her hitched once,
and you a break her in, or else there's
no virtue in birch, or you've lost your
strength Think Of our creeters and do
It'll"
81 believe | will Zeke-but if she
should get tie upperhand Of me-what
could | do y
"Pl butt the evil spirit out Of her if
she takes you down, father ?" said Zeke.
And so it was settled that the deacon
should make up 10 Mehetable. He did
so, and as he was experienced in the mat
ter, and knew how, he had but little
counting to do, was at once accepted, and
married within a week. Zeke was de-
~lighted-all the cattle and horses had &C
cess to the spring, and began to thrive
again wonderfully. For a few days things
went on as smooth as old whisky down
a toper's gullet but Mrs. Griffin began
to feel wonderful frisky, and nothing
would suit her but to ride a ~favorite colt
of the deacon's, which he was saving up
for a "2.40 Or die nag. The deacon
told her not to ride that colt, but ride it
she wonld, and ride it she did, just to-
break it in" she said.
g reckon it's about time I Just broke
you in, a little" said the deacon, when
she came back from her ride.
just you try it, old humble chopsl'I
said she.
The deacon went out very deliberately
and cut a long birch CAD, and came in
and did try it. In about a minute hel
found himself soaking in a tub full Of hot
soap suds, which happened to be standing
in the kitchen. He tried to rise from
his unpleasant position, but a large jar of
butter-milk, jar and all, whitened his
complexion and knocked him back again.
He halloed murder. and tried to rise
again, but a pan of soft soap came squash
In his face and filled his mouth.
Mur-mur-der p gasped the deacon.
=" Break me in will you ~ screamed
Mehetable, as pans, old boots, crockerv,
brooms etc. etc. went flying at his head.
(" You have killed three wives, but YOU
won't kill me | reckonI Il guess YOU
have caught tartar this time"
"Zeke-Zeke, save me, or the Jazebel
will kill me yelled the deacon.
In came Zeke, hat and coat off. Let
NV old nna1 oIoDo ~ bo ,ollLl