Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1858-02-04
How Tom COrwiM Rid his Sister
of nm Obnoxious Lover.
BY A WESTERN NAN,

BY A WESTERN NAM
Every one has heard of the eloquent
pathetic and humorous stumpeorator o
Ohio. He was pronounced by Mr., Clay
Ga most competent authority to be thu
finest stump speaker he had ever heard
and in this opinion I most heartily coin
eide, after having heard Clay Critten
iinins, soule land i j III d &, rom Mar
shall, Gen. Lamar, Bates, Douglas, ant
host Of others.
Well, this great orator carriedhis love
of fun into every department of life. In
the private circle, where he unbosomed
himself fully, he was the most delight
full and genial conversationalistI ever
listened to. 1 do not know that he now
as age and infirmity are creeping on, in
dulges this proclivity to humor SO much
as he used to do. But some twenty
years ago he used to tell, with great gus
to, the following story
s'In early life-so early that cannot
remember the rcmoval-my father ''pul-
led up stakes" and, carrying with him
the household goods, went from Bour-
bon county, Kentucky, where 1 was
born, to Ohio. Notwithstanding a
rough and d-tumble struggle with the
world, he had hard time to get on,
owing to a numerous and rapidly in
creasing family. Well, family matters
had not much improved when [ had
reached my thirteenth or fourteenth
year. s.........
''At this time there lived in the neig gh-
borhood a young man by the name of
Pickering. He had Inherited a we'll
stocked farm, was good looking, and
made a strong profession of religion
This latter qualification caused him to
find peculiar favor in the eyes of my
father, who always was blinded by pro-
fessions of extra piety.
"This fellow had strong hankering
after one of my sisters, who was very
pretty girl. 10 her he was peculiarly
distasteful She seemed always exces-
sivcly annoyed at his presence. Yet he
was ever at her side. She dared not
dismiss him entirely, for fear of the pa
ternal anger. Things went on in this
way for year or two, and as | partook
q, sisters -hetredes-fi -fiiks,a
resolved to get rid of him in some way.
l cast about for plan for some time,
but nothing occurred which gave me the
slightest hope of being successful.
s.At last returning home late one sum-
mer night from the mill, found the
family at their nightly devotions. Pas
sing by the windows of the room in
which they were assembled, saw that
Pickering was there, and pretty soon
discovered that he was nodding, and
finally his head dropped. Now was my
opportunity. I stole silly into the hall,
and reaching the hall door, which was
slightly ajar, and close by which Pick
ering was, 'on bended knee I reached
in and, quickly pulling his chair from
under him, he rolled heavily, as a sound
sleeper would upon the floor. The
noise alarmed all. The old gentleman
stopped in the midst of his almost inter
minable prayer. and saw the position of
Pickering. All the family laughed out
right: and even my mother smiled.
.sPickering endeavored to pick him
self up as rapidly as possible, he had
touched the old man upon his tenderest
point 1t was evident, from his rubbing
his eyes, that he had slept under the
old gentleman ministrations; and had
not my father a reputation far and wide
for the fervency and strength of his
ministrations, and was not Pickering
his protesting brother 1t was too
much. Slowly yet most dignifedly did
the old man approach him. 'Begone,
hypocrite = he Grid in thunder tones
Never enter my house again
ssPickering was thunderstruck, He
felt that he could make no apology
which would not add to the insult. He
had no suspicion of the exterior force
which had aided him in his fall. He at
once found his hat, took up his line of
march, and, completely crestfallen,
passed by me as stood grinning in the
shadow of the porch.
cat suitable time I entered, got
my supper, was told by brother in
hurried whispers, what had happened,
and then stole off to bed, affecting ig
norance and laughing most heartily, as
L ensconded myself in the sheets, at the
complete success of my plan.
s'Next day l cautiously impaired my
secret to my interested sister. She was
in her own room at the time, and she
threw herself upon the bed and rolled in
agonies and commissions of laughter
She had been emancipated forever from
the attentions of an obnoxious lover
The old gentleman did not hear the real
state of the facts for full twenty years
afterwards; but when he did, he laughed
heartily.