Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1858-01-22
Trials OF Il Fat Man.

The Buffalo Republic has fat correspondent which
writes that paper frankly thus
AS ntmated to you, having come to the conclusion
that there nothing fit to eat in Buffalo, started or
New York on Friday last, on the Central Railroad
had no idea that man with respectable quantity OF
esh looked upon with any degree of surprise out
side of your city limits. only weg gh taco hundred and
thiry-one pounds and if said to be broad as
am long, it certainly for the ticket agent
at the Buffalo depot nquirng do you a0ish to go as
freight, passenger ?" [ told him with consider
able aspery passenger of course, when he charg
ed me for tickets for two, and upon my eXpostulatng
with him, he very impudenty inquired if supposed that
any one else could sit in the seat occupied Be
ing aware that it was matter of some doubt said no
more, but heard him muter something to himself about
hogs always going as freight, as walked off, which
mark made, presume, to omnibus driver, stand
ing 1t certainly could have had reference to
me. Do you think it could
got the somewhat ruffied in temper and af
ter crushing two three from diameter of ten
feet into about six inches, and fatening out apple
boy and popcorn vender that their identity became
matter of considerable research, finally obtained a
seat opposite old scraggy lady and her unmarried
daughter They screamed as | sat down, and | was
tempted to expand my lungs in the manner for the
whole seat gave way with me and deposited me with my
wig in pool OF tobacco juice, and my feet in the bony
unmarried girls lap Upon extrcating myself from the
wreck discovered to my horror that had split the
back of my coat had utterly crushed out of existence
scraggy woman and her bonny daughter forever. [
tried to make my apologies but think failed My fail
ure easily explained, for whoever heard of any man
making decent apology in fractured coat and head
saturated with tobacco juice?
then went into another car, consequence of the
indignation Oh the passengers having been aroused by
the two women alluded to- and especially ] heard a
gentleman with short hair and not very placid face III
quiring if he hadn't better punch him. Having doubt
that the him referred to meant me, made myself as
seldom possible, and got into the next The seats
in the all weak, frai things four of them fell
to pieces | sat down them. Upon making my
complaint to the conductor-who asked i there ras
more than one Of me-he suggested that had better 60
into the baggage car, and sit one OF the express
trunks They being ron-bound he thought they'd stand
it. if nothing else would | did go in there. The bag
gageman who was not very polite, asked Inc what
wanted. told him wanted to stay in there He said
it couldn't be did as, if in, he would have to go
out there wasn't room for them two trunks and both
of as in that there baggage car accommodated mat
tiers with him by giving him dollar, lone of twenty
had borrowed and he agreed to ride the outside of
the car, while occupied the inside. got upon two
express trunks and very comfortable. Indeed L
should have been perfectly SO, if the baggageman hadn't
kept annoying me. lie kept diving his head into the
car and asking if | going to New York. and upon
my replying that was, he would convey my reply to
the brakeman who evidently had been talking of all
the way from Rochester. Finally, the baggage-man
drove his head in again, if to end some argument and
asked ii intended to go to Barnums Museum, when L
got to New York. told him l should which ntor-
nation he reconveyed to the brakeman who CALCULATED,
F." Thought so-it's him!'
couldn't imagine what they meant They chuckled
considerable and said Seen him for nothing Twoud
a cost two shilln's in New York when L abruptly
put end to their conversation by putting my head
out of the car door, and enquirng who him what
would cost two shings in New York, and what they
had seen for nothing" The brakeman was somewhat
startled but recovered sufficiently to say FAT Boy
This answer affording me satisfaction whatever
backed into the again. much puzzled as to what they
meant Dreaming that was being broiled on an I'm;
that the fat was running from me in nnumerable rvu
lets which was being caught in little tin cups and sold
by tradesmen of all descriptions arrived in Syracuse,
and there awoke, delighted to find that retained my
accustomed eh and that gongs were sounding ecstatc
soon Til then, believe me your much annoyed
FAT CONTRIBUTOR.