Smyrna times., 1858-01-21
How Tom COrWin Rid His Sister of an
Obnoxious Lover.
BY A WESTERN MAN.

BY WESTERN MAN
Every one has heard of the eloquent. patb
etlc and humorous stump orator of Ohio. He
was pronounced by MIR. Clay Ga most competen,
authority TO be the best stump speaker he had
ever heard ;-and IN this opinion most hearth
ly coincide, after having heard Clay, Crittcn.
den, Jones, OF Tennessee, Polk, BENJAMIN.
SOule, Randall, Hunt, Tom Marshal, Gen. Ham
ar, Bates, Douglas, and host of others.
Well, this great orator carried his love of
tun into every department of life. In the pri-
vate circle, where he knew every person and
where he unbosomed himself fully, he was the
most delightful and genial cOnversationallst |
ever listened TO. | do not know that he now.
as age and intrmity are creeping on, INDUCES
this prCcliVily TO humor SO much as he used to
40. But some twenty years ago he used to
tell, with great gusto, the following story:
In early life-so early that cannot rcmcm-
| Der the removal my father "pulled up
stakes, and carrying with him the household
goods, went from Bourbon county, Kentucky,
where was born, to Ohio. Notwithstanding
rough and-strugge with the world he had a
hard time to get on, owing TO a numerous and
rapidly increasing family. WELL family mat
ters had not much improved when had reach.
ed my thirteenth year.
young man by the name of Pickering. He
had inherited a we'll stocked farm. was oood
looking and made strong profession of re.
llglon. This latter qualification caused him to
lind peculiar favor in the eyes of nv father.
who always was blinded by profession of extra
pety.
This fellow had a strong .hankerinp' after
one of my sisters, who was very pretty girl
10 her he was peculiarly distastefil She
seemed always excessively annoyed at his pres.
ence Yet he was ever at her side She da red
not dismiss him entirely, for fear of the pater
nal anger. Things went on in this way for
year or two, and as partook largely of my sis
ter's hatred TO him resolved 10 get rid of him
IN ss:ne way. | cast about for a plan for some
time, but nothing occurred which gave me the
slightest hope of being successful.
AT last, returning home one summer night |
from mill, found the family at their nightly |
devotlons. Passing by the windows OF the |
room III which they were assembled, saw that
PlckerIng was there, and pretty soon | discov.
cred that he was nodding, and finally his head |
dropped. Now was my opportunity. [ stole |
silly into the hall, and reaching the hall door. |
which was slightly ajar, and close by which |
Pickering was, on bendef knee: reached in |
and, quickly pulling his chair from under him
he rolled heavily as a sound sleeper would upon
The 1oor. The noise alarmed all. The old
gentleman stopped in the midst of his almost
Interminable prayer and saw the position off
Pickering. All the family laughed outright:
even my mother smiled.
pickering endeavored TO pick himself nm as
rapidly as possible but he hud touched the old
man upon his tenderest point. Ii was evident
from his rubbing his eyes, that he had silent un-
der the old gentleman's mnislrations; aud had
not my father reputation far aud wide for the
ferrency and strength OF his ministratIoDs. and
was not Pickering his protesting brothers II
was too much! Slowly, yet most dignltied did
the old man approach him. sBegonc, hypo.
critic he cried in thunder tones Never enter
my house again. -
Pickering was thunderstruck! He felt thai
he could make no defense which would not add
10 the insult He had no suspicion of the ex-
erlor force which had aided him in his fall
tie Mt once found his hat, took up his line ,of
march and, completely crest-fallen, passed by
NE as stood grlnning in the shadow of the
porch. r.. -. - :"
AT suitable time / entered, got my supper.
was told by brother, in hurried whispers what
happened, and then stole off to bed, affecting
ignorance and laughing most heartily, as | en-
conced myself in the sheets, at the Complete
success of my plan. .-'.- ...: - -.,
Next day | cautiously impaired my secre,
o my Interested sister. She was in her own
Dom at the time, and she threw herself uDon {
ne bed and rolled in agonies and convusion Of
aughter. She had been emancipoted forever
rom the attentions of an obnox ous lovet.- I.
ne oid gentleman did not hear the real state !
I The facts for full twenty years afterwards;
ut when he did, he laughed heartily ~
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