Arkansas true Democrat., 1858-05-25

N1IS. b. s Alarms. | We live in the country Mrs. B. is my wife: and her alarms are those produced by delu- sion under which she labors, that there are as- Sasslns, gnomes, vampires, or what not in our house at night, and that it is my duty to leave my bed at any hour or tenn perature, and to do battle with the same, in very inadequate apparel. The circumstances which attend Mrs. 's alarms are generally of the following kind: am awak- ened by the mention of my b4ptsmal name in that peculiar species of whisper which has some thing uncanny in its very nature besides the dismal associations which belong to it, from the fact of it's being used only in melodramas and sick-ro
 Henry! Henry! Henry'"
 How many times she has repeated this know not The sound falls on my ear like the lap. i ping of a hundred waves, or as the Robin CFusoe, Robin Crusoe" of the parrot smote upon the ear of the terrified islander of Deloe; but at last wake, to view by the dim freight this vision: Mrs B. is sitting up beside me in a lis tenng attitude of the very iutensest kind; her n5ht-cap Gone with cherry colored ribbons, such as 1t can be no harm to speak about Is tucked back behind either ear; her hair-n paper-is rolled out of the way on each side, like banner furled her eyes are rather wide open, and her month very much 50; her fingers would be held | up to command attention but that she Is SUD- porting herself in somewhat absurd manner upon her hands.
 Henry, did you hear hat?'
 What, my love?"
 That noise. There it is again; there- there"
 The disturbance referred to is that caused by amonse nibbling at the wainscot and venture to say so much in tone of the deepest convic- | tion
 "No, no, Henry; ins not the least like that; it's file working at the bars of the basement window. l will stake my existence, Henry, l that 1t is a file"
 Whenever my wife makes use of this par ticular form of words, know that opposition is useless rise, therefore, and pitt on my slip | peIs and dressing gown. Mrs. B. puts the 1 poker into my hand, and with a gentle violence IS about to eXpel me from the chamber, when d sudden thought strikes her.
 Stop bit, Henry" she eXclaims, until | have looked into the closet and places" which | she proceeds to do most minutelv. investigating even the short drawers of a foot and a half ! square. l am at length dismissed upon my | perlous errand, and Mrs B. locks and double | locks the door behind me with a celeritv that l almost catches my retreatlng garment. Mvex- l ped therefore com pines all the dangers of ! sally, with the additional disadvantage of hav- ! Ing my retreat into my own fortress cut off, ! nus cumbrously but intellectually caparisoned 1 l peram bu late the lower stories of the house in | darkness, m search ol that dsturber of Mrs | B.'s repose which l am well convuc d Is be- ! hihd the WaInsc"t ot ner own appartment, and nowhere else The basement I need uot say, Is as silent as the grave and and about as col l. i | he great clock in the kitchen looks spectral enough iu the light of the expiring embers; but there is uothing there with life except cock reaches and black beetles, which crawl in count less numbers over my naked ankles. There is a noise in the cellar such as Mrs B. would at once identify with the suppressed converse of auticlpative burglars, but which recognize in moment a; the dripping of a cider cask, whose tap IS troubled with a nervous Reorganization of that kind. The dining room is chill and cheerlesS, ghostlv arm chair is doing the grim hnnorS ot the table to three other vacant seats and dlSpenslng hospitality in the shape of mouIdy orange and some biscuits, which 1 re- member to have left in some dis gust about-- ila.. the clicking of revolver? No: the warning Of the great clock-oue two three- What trlghtIul noise it makes in the start led rot nigh. Twelve o'clock l left this I'dlnngroom, then, but three hours and half ago; It certainly does lot look like the same room now. The drawing room is also far from wearing It's usual snug and comfortable appear | ance. Could we possibly have been sitting in the relative positions to one anther which those chairs assume? Or since we were there has some spiritual company with no eyes for order left among them, taken advantage of the re- mains of our fire to hold a reunion? They are here even at this moment, perhaps, and their gentlemen have not yet come up from the din lnS-room. l Shudder from head to foot partly at the bare idea of such thing, partly from the naked fact ot my exceedingly unclothed coudi- tlon They do say that in the very passage which have now to cross in order to get to Mrs $. again, my great grandfather "walks"- m compensation, 1 suppose, from having been prevented by gout from taking that species of exercise while he was alive. There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in yonr philosophy, think, as I approach this spot; but l do not say so, for 1 am wel-nigh speeches. with the cod-yes, the cold; it is only my teeth that chatter What scream that was! There 1t comes again, and there is no doubt this time as to who is the owner of that terrified voice. Mrs. B.'s alarms have evi- aently taken some other direction. "Henry!
 
 pitch. A lady being in the case, I fly upon the wings of domestic love, along the precincts sacred to the perambulatlons of my great-grand- | father. I arrive at my wife's chamber; the screams continue, but the door is locked.
 "Open. open!'' shout I. "What on earth is the matter?"
 There is silence; hen mans voice-that is to say, my wifes voice in imitation of mans l in afi p1 the idea of a revolver being under the pillow of the speaker, and ready to his hand: Who are you- what do you want?''
 You very silly woman," answer; not from unpoiteness, but because 1 find that that sort of language recovers and assures her of my identi- ty better than any other" why, it's l." The door is then opened about six or seven inches, and am admitted with all the precau- tion which attends the entrance of an ally into a besieged garrison.
 Mrs. B. now leaning upon my shoulder. dis. solves into copious tears, and points to the door communicating with my attiring-chamber. | "There's sur-sur-somebody been snoring in your dressing -room," she sobs, "al the time you were away"
 This statement is little too much for my sense of humor. and although sympathizing very tenderly with poor Mrs. B. cannot help bursting into little roar of laughter Laughter and fear are deadly enemies, and can see at once that Mrs. B. is all the better for this ex- ploson.
 Consider, my. love-" reason-" Consider the extreme improbability of burglar or other nefarous persons making such use of the few precious hours of darkness as to go to sleep in them! Why. too, should he take bedstead without mattrass. which I believe is the case in this particular supposition of yours, when there were feather beds unoccupied in other apartments? Moreover, would not this be a still greater night ofrecklessness in such an in- dividual, should he have habit of snor-''
 A slight noise in the dressing room, occasion- ed by the venetian blinds tapping against the window, here causes Mrs. B. to bury her head with extreme swiftness, ostrich-like, beneath