The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-05-29
THE YANKEES FOX SKIN.

"MOrnln', >Squlre,'> Salu down easter,
giving nod and wink to Lyman & Towel,
as those gentlemen stood in their store one
morning, up and dressed for business.
elbow are you sir?" said the merchants.
"Poorty well, considering the state of
things in general. l say yeou sell skins here,
don't yeOu.'
"We do, occasionally, twas the response.
"Wall, so calkelated; buy fox skin, tew,
Ircckon.''
"sometime,. Why, have you got some
for sale?''
"Some! Yes, guess have one; it's
some tew, tell yeou."
"Let's look at it," said one of the mer-
chants.
The owner of the skin tugged at the capa-
cious pocket in his yellow overcoat a few
minutes, and out came pretty good sized,
bang-up of a venerable reynard.
"Thsre it is, perfect bewty it is, tew.-
Amt it,"
''Seen finer one's,' said Towel.
"P'raps yeou have, and p'raps yeou hain't;
but dew think it is real bewty, as slick
and shiny as bran new hat.''
"When did you get this skim" said the
merchant.
"When did Iget it! Why, when l killed
the darned crltter, of course"
eyes, we know, but was it in the fall or
summer, or when?"
sob! yes; well, reckon 'twarnt fur from
the fourth of July, any way, for Pd Just
cleaned up my old shootin' iron for parade
on the glorious anniversary, and along comes
the old critter, and just gave him rip in
the gizzard that settled his hash mighty sud-
den tell yeou."
"Fox SKINS" said the merchant, ''are not
very good when taken IN hot weather: the
fur and hair is very thin, and not fit for
much in the summers
"Wal, meow, | reckon, since | come to
think it over, 'twant hot weather when
shot the critter; no, I'll be darned if it was;
made a laundering mistake bout that, for
'twas nigh on to Christmas, was, by golly,
for and Seth Peurkins wur goin' to frolic.
! remember it like book, cold as sixty,
snowin' awful--was by ginger"
'Well,' says the merchant, was the fox
very fat?'
Eat? Oh! Molly, warnt it fat Never
did see such fat Teller in all my born DAYS
Why, yeou, the fat came through the fellcr's
hide, run down his legs till the very airtl
was greasy where the darn'd varmnt crawl
ed along. Did, by Peurkins.'
'Too fat, then, We guess, to be good,' said
Towel. Sat skins, sir, are not so good as
those taken from an animal not more than
ordinarily fnt.'
'Wal, guess it warn't so darned fat, nuth-
or; come to think about it, twas another
fox our Siah shot last fall; this critter
warn't so darn'd fat, not overly fat, fact.
guess it was rather lean: kind O. lean, tree
men -jous lean; poor old varlnint was about
to die of pure starvation; never did see such
darn'd eternal starved, lean, lank, famish-
ed critter, on the Lords alrth before!
'Very poor, eh ? says Lyman.
'Nery poor? guess it was, so almighty
poor that the old critters bones stuck clean
eout, almost through the in; hadn't killed
it just when did, 'twou'd hev died afcre it
got ten rods furthur along. Fact, by gollvl'
'Ah. WE'LL said the merchant, we see that
the skin is poor, the fur is thin and loose,
and would not suit u.s.
'Wunt suit yew? Now look ahere veou,
says tho Yankee, folding up his versatile
skin, Il don't kind o like such dealin' as
that, no heow, and I'll be darn'd to darna-
ton, eff yeou ketch me tradn' for skins with
yeou again, there amt no lumber in the state
Of Maine"
And the holder of the skin vamosed.
,Gy"Did the defendant approach the
plaintiff se-iatim ?" inquired an attorney in
case of assault and battery, the other
day.
"No, sir-ee,' was the reply; "he went a,
'em with poker"
GO "Buck, Harry Smith has one of the
greatest curosities you ever saw
"Don't say-what is it?''
GA tree which never sprouts, and which
becomes smaller the older it grows.'
"Well, that is a curiosity. Where did he
get it 90
"From California"
"What's the name of it ?"
"Axle-tree! 1t once belonged to Cali
fOrnia omnibus.''
CO At an hotel, young and fully mus
tached dandy was seated at the tea table at
rather late hour, when the bar-keeper
came in and took seat opposite. The
dandy dropped his knife and fork, tipped
back his char, gazed at the bar keeper, and
cxclaimed-''Felah do the servants sup with
a gentleman in this house 20 "No SIR" was
the reply. Scare you not the bar-keeper 20
ayes, sir.' "Well, a bar-keeper is SER
want as much as the scrub girl" "True,"
replied the man, ''but did not enter the hall
until looked in and saw there was not a
gentleman at the table,
slam willing to split hairs with nv op-
ponent all day if he insists on it," said a