The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1858-04-08
VARIETY Y.

VARIETY.
Very few men, properly speaking live at present.
but providing to live at another time.
Punch teaches bookkeeping in these words Never
lend them
Less depends upon the amount brains one has,
than upon the use he makes of them.
Why is a tight boot like a windmill, Ans..Bes
cause it grinds the
An Irish gentleman lately fought n duel with his
intimate friend, because he loosely asserted that he
was born without shirt to his back
Efectual destruction Of weeds-marrying widow.
Most employ the first part Of their life to make
the other miserable
If small boy is called lad, is it proper to CO.
bigger boy a ladder,
What gentleman can, with any sense of propriety,
ask fat woman to lean on his arm
The woman who paints her flce, offers an unmis-
taxable insult to naure-and also to the lips of
Sc Sambo, why your legs like organ grinder,'
sDun no; glib it up " Case dey carry and exhibit
monkey bout de Streets
young lady once limited to n gentleman that her
ttimble worn ont, and asked what reward she
merited for her industry He sent her answer in
the shape of a thimbe, which the following lines
were engraved:
send a thirnble. fnze nmble,
It vim You long, nh's half as strong
As the hint which 10 buy it-n
An exchange asks very innocenty if il is any harm
TO-. young ladies to sit in the lapse of ages, The
opinion is, that it all depends the kind of ages
selected Those from eighteen to twenty-five, it is
thought rather hazardous
USELESS PRoPERTY.-It is often said that the char
Of public is the property of their country.
If there be truth in this, have got great deal of
property that it would add to respectabilty to
get rid Of
To ascertain the weight of horse-put your toe
under the animals foot
clergyman observing poor by the road
SIZE breaking with pickaxe, and kneeling to
get his work better, made the remark, All John,
wish could break the stony hearts of my hearers
as easily rs you are breaking those stones.' The
replied, IS Perhaps, master, you do not work
you knees
POSSIBLE MIsADvEsrURE.-Leigh Hunt was asked
BY lady, at dessert, if he would an
orange Madam - he replied, g should be happy
TO do so, but am afraid should tumble off,
Polite SHoRT-SIGHrED LADY.-An English pa
per tells the following: LADY Trelawny, who was
very short-sighted, being christening visit.
vaite for a considerable length of time. with very
mich impatience, 70 the child, which was to be
brought down to her. The maid servant in the mean
time entered the apartment with coal scutte, and
approaching the fire, near which her ladyship was
seated, she Immediately rose, and being extremely
derous Of complimentIng the family with thousand
commonplace observations the bantling, ran on
in the following manner with great volubility: " La
u IS the sweetest little creature ever beheid My
ori dukes nose My lady duchess eyes and
mouth : Dear nurse, this is universal JOY; for
sure, no mother had ever sweet creature y. The
her error. took her departure, congratulated
herself having paid her visit, and returned home
full of her Graces delig1s6Rl baby"
The wonsr or ALI s.Isx] |" What may be the
cause:- said an Irish curate TO parish clerk
"vhat keeps Rory O'Keegan from \pfession. an
from church service, Peter Murphy? -
sad matter it is, your honor; it's himself that's
got into n bad way, anyhow
sOch, Peter" said the curate, :" Is it deism ~
Worse. ye may depend said the worthy clerk
Soul % me. trust it's not atheism. or the like
o that. Peter exclaimed the pastor.
Worse 20
An what in the name o. natur can it be 40 cried
the assonished minister.
" By the powers, an it's rheumatism replied
PetT Murphy, san 50 it is
Hol whales briny deep,
Kepne sse;
Your bones make women great,
0pprTY.-There is a man in Massachusetts, who |
feeds his geese with iron filings, and gathers steel
pens from their wings. That's one Of the notiops- Il
CHEzRruLxEss.-Keep a cheerful frame; keep
happy heart keep contented spirit; keep your eye
up and your heart alof, and you win prove Christ
hnity better than all the Buffers, and s the wise
men that ever lived Give them the analogy of
holy life, and then you prove religion to them; give
'hen the evidence Of internal pety developed EXTERN
Ally. and you will give the best positive proof Of
Christianity
Ny mother asked me never to use tobacco, and
nave touched it from that time to the present
Gay She asked me not to game, and I have never
gsHed; and cannot tell to this day who Is winning
and who is losing in games that can be played. She
Aduonished me, too, against hard drink; and what
ever capacity for endurance may have at present.
ana whatever usefulness may attain in life, attri-
o1ts to having complied with her pious and earnest
Sisies-T. H. Benton.
An enthusiastic Spiritualist lecturer, in New York,
heard to iecare, in private conversation that he
=, ma seen and conversed with who died upon
70 ae coast OF Africa fifteen Thousand years ago. "I
nave not the slightest doubt OF Il, ?, said he 'sI
~; IL Just as Iiainiy as see you; conversed with
.u ana ne declared to positively that he died
sP1a the coast Of Africa fifteen thousand years ago;
"l AN sure Of it,
sov TO MAKE MoxEY-Let the business Of every
-. e'se alone, and attend to your own; dcn't buy
~ yos DON'T want; use every hour advantage,
t-;y y 70 make even leisure hourz useful; think
!. Se'ore you throw away . shilling-remember
ms.u M have >pother to make for it; fnd recreation
tlr oser pur business; buy low, sell fhir, and
lssiv .st o. the profits; look your books rcgu-
MI 80 you 1pd error. trace il out; should .
uok r%ss.tan> come upon you in trade, retreneh,
eulse. -s but per ~ ths trnek; confront din
Gnanr.s A unnnclIng perseverance,, and they will
s1ueerr;s - = last; though yuo shoald fl IN the
~ ~ yoo VII Be honoFsd; but 61sink fton ~
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