Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-10-20
Fact, Fancy anu Fun.

a particular kind OF genius.
An Englishman's lunch Is a slice
Of am, six heggs, and quart of hale.
Tongues are like race horses
they run the faster the less weight they
carry.
Every srt is best taught bv exam
pie; good deeds are productive ofg good
friends.
The science of counting is like fd.
ding. a great deal depends on the
beauing.
Rev. E. II. Chaplin, speaks of pull
pits as grim, gloomy port holes of
muzZled cannon"
w oman has found her true SPHERE
at last. It is about twenty-scseh fees
round and made of hoops.
Why is tender hearted person
like house-keeper with little furniture?
Because ne is easily moved.
Jim Snicks puts everything 20,
use. His wife has bald head, and
he strops his razor on 1.-THE scamp!
Pride is a wild beast, which re-
qulres very costly food--the happiness
OF It's keeper aId all around him.
-"Pr&y sir, what makes YOU walk
SO crooked p ooh, INV nose, YOU
see, is crooked, and have to follow
it."
Whats the difference between Jo-
an Of Arc and Noah's Ark? Ans
Noah's Ark was made of wood, and
Joan OF Arc was Maid of Orleans.
THE following question is now be-
ing discussed at the sNiscayuna Lyce-
um'-Which will corn man the
quickest, pint of brandy, or q new
boot
The following words are inscribed
upon a sign over restaurant in Green
bush, n. Y: s'Ifrs. Murphy's Por-
ter House for sale by the pint or
quart"
1t is said that common mullin
leaves smoked in new pipe--one
In which tobacco has never been used
lis i sure and certain cure foT beon-
chitis.
-"Are you son of temperance"
inquired gentleman of q person who,
applied to him for employment. e~Why
no SIR replied the other, "I'm a son
Of Mary Bates
Doctor Charles Wilson has writ
ten volume Of some hundred paees.
to explain the pathology Of drunken.
ness. Diogenes defines it in two syl.
lables-@tg zag.
-Buggins, my waggish friend, said
su nse yesterday, "W hat is the differ
ence between Shakespeare 5 works and
this conundrum?" "Don't know, Of
course" "Well," says Buggins, '$one
contains a mine ofthought, and the 9th
er q thought Of mine.''
The general opinion is that the
valnest Of all birds is the peacock; vo
think the goose is. a goose, when en-
terlng barn through the doorway, in
Eariably bobs her head to avoid hitting
the top. Evidently every goose thinks
hcrSe1 hlteen 1ect high.
Milk is SO dear" exclaimed a.
young widow to her mikman, for the
twentieth time at least; Il wish could
afford 70 keep a COW Of my own,"-
"W ouIdn't it be cheaper, ma" replied
her little daughter, archly, 80 keep J.
milA"oa" Of your own
a gentleman ;st a musical party,
where the lady was very particul ar not
to have the concord Of sweet sounds
interrupted, seeing that the fire was go-
ing out, asked friend, in whisper
Glow he could stir the fire without in.
terrupting the music Z" Between the
bars, ," replied the friend.
-''Talking ob law" says Pompev,
make me tlnk oh what De mortal
Caso who lib most thousa.' years
ago, once said; ODE law am like a groun'
glass window, dat gibs light, nuf' to
light us poor folks in de dark passag-
% Oh dis life; but it would puzzle de
debbie h1sself to see through it.
in my fertile country" said a.
Leicestorslire man, ''you could tarn a
horse into field new mown, and the
Isexc morning the grass would be grown
above his hoofs." "Pooh, that's moth.
ing, cried Yorkshire man. "You
can turn horse into r field II York
sl:Te, and not b. aole u .c.22 E:na uert
1s2ra;nG!"
"A funny story IS told of man who
s3olo FIVE dollar bill ont in Indiana
Il order to lessen the crime, bis coun-
Sci TIED to prove that the note was not
worth FIVE dollars it being at a discount
The prosecutor said he knew the
prisoner was the roeanest man ia :he
State, but be did not know he was SO
ALFRED mean as not to BIS willing to
steal Indiana money at par.
The Sunday Atzzs tells a good
story Of a one-legged political orator,
named Jones, who was pretty success
tQl in banteriag Al IEishrnan, when the
latter ASKED MIN, chow the devil he
come to lose his leg" "WelE" sad
Jones, "on eZa7Iiir;-9z-c ~ ..os..5-,sz,
fnrn1 -hs:,5 ~ a5-.z -T~ss7 a-o1a :,
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