The Washington union. [volume] (City of Washington [D.C.]) 1857-1859, 1858-12-12
MEYRopoLiTAN MUSINGS.
The BOY Problem.

I'M back their chairs In hotel parors exhibiting their soics
b the psers.by they puff strong cened cigars In our
ldsaged faces and compel to say that In the main
Young America is preeocous villain who ought not to
be permitted to go
U1,phia, unhonored, and unsung
I know this unamiable growl will surprise my friends,
who regard me as perpetual sunbeam but they will
rdon me when they learn that for the last half hour
NV genial rays have been obscared by the smoke of
. had eigar fboys always smoke bad cigars which
an jncpient citizen has persisted In putting in my face,
while have tried to have new musng from the
amusing avenue / hate boys 4 don't care if you
do say ought not to hate anything--it Is not the
thing but the MEDICATION of the thing, that dislike
anita agree with sydney smith, and would ordain law
for the systematic baelling up of every boy of fifteen
I'LL he Is twenty one. Boys the bane Of all social
comfort their swearing sounds like the efervesccnce of
small beer their smoking painful to the beholder their
vagcr Is like the small swels in duck pond and their
narodyng Of manhood is huatng than that of the
monkey because know that when we have the earth
m our pillow these will be the grave senator's states
men, merchants, and Middle-Aged Men, who will
the real estate of America and make her laws and direct
her thought If could ever have my desire--but my
desire is sufficient proof that it will be doneI
would lock up every boy who should be detected in the
performance any of the accomplishments Of precocty
As is barely possible that Of bad boys not
of Washington manufacture, public will pardon
for saying soto poeethat patriotism like charity, begins
at home
Public Prophecies.
While am about it, may well exhaust the cata-
logue Of my complanings, and by the storm Of my
poaches clear the atmosphere OF my mind for moro
genial musing next week The truth is, it has been
very disagreeable week. reminding of the classic
meraton of meteorological mutations, frst it blew and
then it snew and then began to friz." No play
the agreeable with a bad cold in his head and sore
throat is Justification for positive msanthropy. When
the rain dbble drabbles your windows and you are
compelled to go up town to Jones' who being deputy
assistant cicf cook at the Abyssnian embassy, has an
important diplomatic revelation waiting for you which
Smith will get hold of if you do not hurry, when you
must 60 padding about the Hyrcanian wlds of Swamp
poodle wonderful expeditions of philanthropy the
aroos being your particular entity and the po your
desire to know the why your clean linen has not
been returned has equal right to sueeze and
cough, and blessed privilege Of free born Americans,
The growl isa great hnman safety yvalve; lands
who have braved the dangers of the deep de-
Srbe the ecsatic frame Of mind by the fecber
I'd, grumbe but i, who have made two voyages to
the banks of Newfoundland (the only banks that
hnored my draught) have right to draw upon the
Nucal vocabulary for the expressive term, growl
word which indicates that condition Of temper in which
most resembles my canine friend Nero who always
his gratitude for beneiactons Of bones by show
HS his formidable array of glistenng teeth utterin the
most th sounds, and at the time vigorous
y wagging his tail. if to say, My good friend,
| respect you very much, and will not hurt you in
the least, but i must growl, because it makes
me feel good have been in this caninatsh mood most
OF the week. because of the weather, but whether not
should certainly have entered my protest against
tain Irregularities which have noted in the behavior of
portion of my beloved public wish had the JUNCTION
of the Seaphc Doctor that without wounng the feel
gS of very worthy persons might impress upon them
how, when thousand persons are collected in body
each one for the sake of the collective comfort must sac
nee nine hundred and ninety parts Of his abstract
PERSONAL rights. If were prima DONNA for instance,
have perfect right to laugh and to whisper to my sister
pma donna, but when three prima donnas face large
audience they forfeit the right to whisper and giggle
because the exercise CT right of that kind by three per
sons is an insult to audience who have come not to
be laughed at, but to listen So if were an enterpris
lug drygoods clerk, have right to exercise my ten
don Achilles as much as please ! may stamp and
whistle, but when go to the opor, have no right to
mar my neighbours amusement by using my heel for the
production of bosterous applause in the middle of
aria, or by insisting upon repetition of an encore This
SO Important illustration of minor morals that
must rebuke my enthusiastic young friend who being
placed next to at recent concert which attended at
great sacrifice not only stamped upon my foot but kept
me in constant fever by his i'll timed and most demon
slaive paudits. recommend my young friend to alb
stain from further appearance in public until repeated
applications of smy 0nguent, which is warranted to
produce whskers beard, shall have converted the
Stained down his face into verablc hrsute token of
manhood; in other words to go to Jericho till his beard
II ~ I-