The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1858-08-11
MISCELLANEOUS.

MISCELLANEOUS.
The West.
People at the east often amuse them.
selves in describing the West. Occa-
sionally they get up something quite
readable; the article below from the
Philadelphia Post purports to be letter
from western correspondent, in answer
to friend in Massachusetts, who had
favored him with few leading ques-
tons. The letter is little over
done:
"Dear Sir Yours is at hand and /
proceed to answer. Your first question
Is (which is the best time for going
West. Spring or Autumn %
The best time for going West. is when
you have the most money about you,
and the least fear Of losing it. If you
come in the Spring, you are sure to
shake yourself to death before fall. If
you come in the Fall, you will live until
Spring, if you don't freeze to death be-
fore you get there. If you come at all
you had better get your stomach lined
with waterproof cement so as to be able
to digest corn-bread, bacon and whis-
key for this is all we have to eat, ex-
cept few French frogs, and bilious
looking tadpoles. which we can catch
when the river runs down.
Second question-sWhat part Of the
West is the best part to emigrate to,
taking into consideration the healthiness
Of the climate"
A variety Of opinions about that, my
dear fellow. Our Senator. Mr.. Doug
les, says Nebraska is the best. So it
is. If you want to 60 into the stock
business, raising an unruly kind of mix
ed cattle that will stray of to Canada,
in spite of the compromise of 1850 or
1856, or Senator Douglas. Or, if you
want to speculate in papooses. white
soalps, and get your own scalp taken of
scienti6cally 60 to, Nebraska. by all
means. II you want to play poker for
living, and cot up whisksy drinking
for bA9ssss. live on cornbread and bs-
oon week days, and slippery elm bark
On Sunday, come to Illinois. If you
want to go where they have no Sundays,
nor anything to eat, only what they
brought from the East, 60 to Iowa, or
II you want to 60 to grass on all fours,
and do a. other kinds of cattle do, 20
to Salt Lake. II you want to 90 where
they receive the mail once year, where
they live on wild cranberries crumbled
in water from the Mississippi river.
where three Wi3wams make city, and
. paper of pins aud bar Of Yankee
sosp make q merchant-go to Mime
sofa.
Third question--"Do the fever and
agus prevail much in Wisconsin %
OF course it does. Nobody out
West 10 fool enough to ask such ques-
ton. Every body shakes; even the
ttssS ahaks, you can't coax plumb to
stay on when it is good for anything.
it viii shake man out of bed, kick him
outof doors and shake the bedstead At
him till he gives it up.
Fourth question--''Is there land to
b had in the northwest part of Ohio
for d rs per acre, and is it good ?"
That's all fudge. got up by some
Spectators to gull some greehorn like
you or me. for to the best Of my knowl-
edge and belief Ohio was worn out ten
years ago. The whole business of the
railroads in warm weather, is to carry
back persons who have been fools
enough to come out West. All the
railroads are doing this winter is carry
ing dirt into Ohio out of Michigan to
raise few beans and oats, to keep the
folks from starving to death next sum-
MGR.
As to the land in the northwest Of
Ohio. it is eighteen inches under water
most of the year, and will probably be
worth 81 rs per acre when water snakes
and copper heads bring as much per
barrel in New York markets as potatoes
are worth per bushel in Alton.
As for good watsr. we have none it
Is al = bilious compost of liquid mud.
dead bufaloes, fish and rotten rattle
snakes.
Our common drink, when we cant
get whiskey, is one-third coffee. prairie
mud, and one. third tobacco juice.
Upon the whole, If you have good
water, and can get enough to eat, stay
where you are.
Yours, truly, ".