The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1858-11-10

night and the next, [ played, and on the
filth night | went home at midnight, a
pauper go having lost everything even to a
judgment upon my goods and furniture. l
was drunk, desperate, and, with a pistol
which I had bought, was determined to
end my existence Just as | was in the
act of blowing out my brains, my poor
wife entered the room, seized my hand,
and in attempting to wrest the weapon
from me, discharged it. The ball entered
her breast. In an instant | was sobered
and heard her dying words charge me to
live for our children. In s~t~WsossAts'
it was over. She died in my arms and
even before she was cold, | was taken to
prison as a murderer. My protestations
availed not there were no witnesses to
the act. | was her murderer, and | had
been willing to have expiated the crime
My trial would have ended my life; but
my lawyer, a very skilful man, had me
acquitted upon some legal quible. | sought
my home, broken hearted man. Want
and sickness had almost completed my
desolation. This child, Mary, alone re-
mained to me, wee, feeble infant. Men
Stunned me, and children learned to point
at me, for | was a Cain-With little
Mary in my arms, went far away, and
began to work, that l might provide for
her.
For while got along well enough,
but the brand of Cain was upon me, and
there was no city of refuge whittier to fee.
l moved from place to place, but every
where they knew me as the murderer.
Thus it was for years, until rendered des-
perate by the worlds injustice, returned
to this city determined to take the storm
at its eliminating point. Here l have
abided, patiently toiling in poverty and
obscurity. Here | might have lived hap
PLY; but became heir to small legacy
and simultaneously ly with the accession of
money came the desire for gambling. I
was to weak to resist it. l did not, how
ever, throw my money away in the same
manner as l had formerly done. l began
to gamble in:.lotteries-the most fascina-
ting kind of gambling, know because it
is the most engrossing. 1t becomes, as it
were, part of ourselves it instills its SUBJ
tie, poisonous suggestings into our very
being. 1t feeds our imagination, and be-
comes the thread of all our dream fancies.
1t is doubly dangerous, in that it pampers
into unnatural activity, and gives potent
substances to that vague persuasion, latent
in every human mind, of destiny being re.
gent, and determining what shall be for
US in the future. l cannot rid myself of
the idea, even now, though my sober rea-
son is entirely repugnant to it, that / was
destined to draw a prize to those numbers.
The prize seems to me to be merely the
completion of thing long since predeter-
mined.
Thus have lived during these latter
years, sometimes comparatively affiuent,
at others on the point of starving-always
lottery gambler, always miserable. This
child here has borne with all my ills; she
has tasted when | have tasted, and some-
times, fear, she has tasted that might
eat. But this recital brings back my
pains too violently to be prolonged. Those
days of infatuation are over hope for
ever. L cannot, in view Of my too fire.
quent relapses, say that l shall ever fall
again. can only say, l shall strive to
deserve this tardy favor of Fortune. en-
broken in body and spirit, and as is meet,
the gambler will spend his few remaining
days in suffering for and mourning over
his i'll spent past.
| have given you this recital Of my mys-
cries because your kindness has excited
my gratitude. Accept my wasted life and
woful history as lesson
1 have not given this narrative as
heard it. l have not attempted to repro.
duce his broking, vehement impassioned
utterance, his manner, nor the language
in which he clothed his recital. could
not picture his featares, so withered, SC
striking now working with strong emotion
now enliveusd by fierce indignation, now
pinched in anguished remembrance of OLD
suffering and despair. These things dare
not try to paint.
The next day l paid him the money
(some sos, 900 net.) as he requested, anC
saw him and the pretty Mary depart fol
Boston, where they intended to reside.
(Coneinael neat lOeek