Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1858-04-21
NY LAST BALL.
ny PROFESSOR sNopGrAss.

might accidentally get up blaze. Others
come up TO the work like martyrs, fully
resolve to trust to Providence under dcs-
peratc circumstances. Which of these
modes is the most proper is not the qucs-
ton now, because the Rev. Mr.. Spurgeon
has put his veto on Waiting of every de-
scription. The reverend gentleman says
persons, when waltzing, are very liable to
entertain unholy thoughts. Now, mas
much rs Mr.. Spurge0n was telling his cX-
J pericnCe, it must be taken as reliable tes-
J timony. And | would add my testimony
to his and warn the kingdom Of New Jer-
soy in general and the rest of the world in
particular, against the practice Of kicking
up their heels in time with the vibrations
Of cat gut music.
| wish to warn others, because | am
competent to do so. | have partakcn Of
the forbidden fruit, and know the con
sequences by awful experience. was led
into it--forccd may say-by women
those bcwitching imps, who have had their
fingers in every pie, since the first apple.
dumplingwas made in the garden Of Eden.
| will tell the reader how it happened
am a native Of the United States, and
when first dumped my dunnagc in this
kingdom was innocently ignorant of all
such customs as surprise parties Well,
soon after casting anchor in New Bruins
wick ! was inducted into the mysteries OF
performance that seduccd me from the
path of propriety, and brought on q fever
that allows me no rest day or night One
dark, rainy night, after was snug in bed,
a faint rapping was heard at the front
door My wife opened the door, and in
rushed eight ladies, and as many gentle
man, accompanied by a dancing master
with a fine fiddle uuder his arm, and with
out rs much as saying elbows the tolks?"
they galloped into the parlor and made
themselves perfectly at home. On learn
ing that the man of the house was in bed,
one of the ladies opened the bedroom
door and bencvolcntly informed me that
if ! wanted any assistance about dressing,
| could have it on short notice. Being
naturally of a modest disposition ] de-
clined the assistance of her ladyship, and
: got up and dressed myself. When ! en-
tered the parlol | was filled with amaze
ment: there stood eight couple hugging
each other on the floor anu in one corner
stood the fiddler, with his bow in his hand
and the butt end of his fiddle under his
chin. littcd-up my voice and says :;
Ladies' and gentleman, am member
of an orthodox church, in good standing
what ] said after that was lost, for, Just at
that point in my eXhortation the bias
phcmous fiddler began to pull the music
out Of his fiddle, and away wentthe whole
around Thereon in the polka. | satdown
pcrfecly resigned to my fate, whatever
it might be, and, after contemplating the
| scene before me for few minutes, be-
came satisfied on two or three points.
First, | was satisfied that the fiddler was
a very good player.
Secondly, was satisfied that the dan
GERS kept very good time.
Thirdly and lastly, was satisfied that
those eight young ladies' in beauty and
grace fulncss, could not be surpassed by
any equal in number that ever ratified
crinoline over the tlool of a dancing room.
And there ! sat exposed to the fire Of
a battery that was demolshing the ram
parts behind which | had found protec-
ton through long and very exemplary
life. When was sufficiently fascinated
by the artistic cvolutions of the dance,
one of the ladies walked up to me with,
dance the polka air ?" at the same time
extending a hand that was too tempting
to be let talone.
I shall never blame Adam again for
eating that apple that upset all creation,
for | believe that Miss Eve danced the
polka or the Highland Fling, just before
she offered it to him. And | appeal to
the masculine reader to know what he
would have done if he had been Adam or
Professor Snodgrass. Only thing Of it.
there stood lady right before me, look
ing at me with pair Of black eyes that
must have seen the wall right through
me, and asking me to dance. Whatcould
| do? It's no use to tell me what ] should
have done It's too late for that but
ask any man who aspires to the politeness
of a baboon what he would have done in
= my case.
remember well what | did; | got up
and Sailed out Sometimes ! trod on
my partners toes, and sometimes didn'
when she was hopping up ! was hopping
down but if tried to stop she declared
was first rate poker, and away VIC
went again. Before midnight every lady
, in the party had thrashed out flooring
l with me, and after they had departed my
wife put on her spectacles and took long
look at me, before she could believe that
y was the chap that used to wear such q
: long face sermon time.
= such was the beginning of troubles that
: would have set job to swearing like a pi
e rate.
o have been within half an inch of fifty
cowhidings for dancing with other mems
partners without leave, which is contrary
a to the rules of this kingdom, women be
!, ing considered chattel at public dancmt
!" parties,
y ! look back now at the exciting scenes
" through which passed, and wonder tina
D | am alive. Fifty times | vowed never tC
v lift foot again to the music of inferna
fiddle, and yet attended no less than on,
hundred balls and soirees in two years. =
E. One night | went to q Methodist revival
N and the words of the minister had sucl
e. an effect on me tina, | borrowed Bible
a. mine had got mislaid-in the hope 0
Is finding something to guide my futur
coilrsa As the devil or the dancing