St. Charles City Republican intelligencer. [volume] (St. Charles City [Charles City], Iowa) 1857-1861, 1858-09-16
Varieties.

NarletleS.
If you'd learn to bow, watch mean
man when he talks to a gentleman OF
wealth.
A man recently waiked two days
running and was weak a fortnight Faf'
forwards.
my dear girl will you share my
lot for life?" How large is your
lot, sir ?"
One may be more cunning than
another, but not more cunning than
all the world. --.--
A French comedian has brought
out new farce, entitled, "a Journey
round my Wife"
Riches are the baggage Of virtue !;
they cannot be spared nor left behind,
but they hinder the march.
Why arc ladies like bells :? Be-
cause you can never find out their
metal until you give them ring.
A false friend is like q shadow on u
dial a.; it appears in clear weather. but
vanishes as soon as cloud appears.
Somebody has discovered that, when
betting man says he'll take you, he
means that, if he can, he'll take you
in.
Mrs. Partington, speaking of the
rapid manner in which deeds are per-
petrated, said that it only required
two seconds to fight duel.
Every hour that man is in debt
is a year spent in slavery Accord
ing to this, what an everlasting long
life some people must live.
A Dutchman being called upon for
a toast, said, Here is to the heroes
who fit, pied and tict at the pattle of
Punker Hill, of whom | am one"
Drank standing.
A gentleman who has scolding
wife, in answer to an inquiry after her
health, said she was pretty well, only
subject at times to breaking out
in the mouth"
~ am going to the postoflicc, Bob,
shall l enquire for your" "Well,
yes, if you mind to ; but don't think
You'll find me there"
A merchant lately advertised for a
clerk who could bear confinement. He
received an answer from one who had
been seven years in jail.
Mrs. Darlington says the only way
to prevent steamboat explosions is to
make the engineer "bile the water on
shore" In her opinion, all the Dustin
is, by cooking the steam" on board.
Muggins says jobs turkey was fat
compared with an old gobler he shot
last week on the North Fork. That
was so light it lodged in the air, and
he had to get pole to knock it down.
An exchange speaks of a chap with
feet so large that when it rains, or he
wants to get in the shade, he lies
down on his back and holds up one
foot. 1t fully answers the purpose of
an umbrella.
Speaking of lions, that was an idea
of the hard shell preacher who was
discoursing of Daniel in the den of
lions. He said There he sot all
night lookin' at the show for nothin';
it didn't cost him cent |"
An exchange tells of an editor who
went soldering and was chosen cap
tain. One day at parade, instead of
giving the orders, Front face, three
PAGES forward" he exclaimed, cash,
two dollars a year. in advance"
MA" said little girl to her moth.
er, do the men want to get married
80 much as the women?" "Pshaw
what are you talking about? "Why,
ma, the women who come here are al
ways talking about getting married.
the men don't do So"
Augustus" And must leave you,
dear Angelina !"
Angelinc-" Yeth, dear Guth, you
had better take turn with NTH Thin
son, juth to keep people from talking.
You can come back, you know"
Ahem
"Ma, am going to make some soft
soap for the Fair this FALL" said a
beautiful Miss of sweet sixteen to her
mother the other day.
What put that notion into your
head, Sallie? ?"
why, Ma, the premium is just
what ! have been wanting"
What is it?"
can Indiana Farmer : l hope he
will be good looking one, tho 1"
al believe that mine will be the
fate of Abel" said a wife to her hus-
band, one day. Why so ?" inquired
the husband. because Abel was
killed by a club, and your club will
kill me, if you continue to 60 to it
every night" t..t W. IL .
A chap sought shelter of police
officer. "Sce Cap'n, first my father
died, and my mother married again /;
an then my mother died, and my ia
Their married again an some how or
other, some way l don't seem to have
no parent at all, nor home, nor no moth
ing"
To lady who had lost her husband
Talleyrand once addressed letter of
coincidence in two words" mad
anne ?" In less than year the lady
married again, and then his letter of
congratulation was" All, madame !"
A lady in Boston recently cleared
her house of flies by putting honey on
her husbands whiskers when he was
asleep. The flies stuck fast, and when
he went out Of the house he carried
them with him. '5-
A female correspondent Of a St.
Louis paper speaks Of sight she saw
lately, that made her smack her lips.
1t seems pity that the ladies in that
citv have Ia smack their own lips, In