Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-10-07
family Girtle.
MY Wife's Cousin.

Some time ago I called on a cousin of
my wife wac resided iu the city of Phila
delphia.ia / had not seen him for o long
time. but having understood that be was
in afluent circumstances, | was but little
prepared for the condition in which /
found him. Through information derived
from q Philadelphia directory, l went to
one of those alleys with which that city
abounds, and found his name on a sign
board, associated with hat Of another
man. over a dark and dingy shop. The
sign ~purported that they were locksmiths
and bell hangers |; also that locks were
repaired and keys fitted. Without cerc-
mony | walked into the gloomy recess.
where there was a blacksmiths forge, and
where among several muscular looking
men up to their arm-pitsinl work, was
my wife's cousin" He received me
most cordially, and for a moment utter.
mitted fling a huge brass key on which
he was engaged, and the shake of my
own dexter by one of his broad brawny
hards, | can liken to nothing nearer than
the shock OF a young earthquake.
Take a seat, take a seat" he observed,
and just as soon as I finish this key,
we'll make tracks for home."
I of course replied that was in no
hurry, and at once becamdinterested in
the .facile manner in which he was me.
t%amorphosing a rough casting into a pol
ished key. As soon as it was completed,
he washed the worst Of the dirt from his
hands, hang up his work apron, and then
putting on his coat and hat. remarked in
a cheerful tone, " Come, now, Cousin
Aleck, let's go and see whether wife has
got any tea for u.s."
After We were in the street, our con.
~versation insensible ran on business, and
| took occasion to say to him that | had
been of the opinion that he had retired
from his trade on a handsome competen.
lcy. s." Don't say a word about retire
ment," he replied, sit nearly makes me
sick to think of it. People talk of re.
firing from business while they are
healthy and able to work why, / tell
you, Aleck, they don't know what il
means. | didn't know what it meant I'm,
til | tried it, but now retirement and
misery sound, to my ears, like words Of
about the same meaning" s
PerceiEing that he had struck a sub.
ject on which he could be easily commun!
~icative, | looked inquiringly, when he re-
ljoined, %perhapsAyo you never heard the
particulars of my retiring dIOHa
On my replying that l had not, he pro,
ceeded.9 'aYou see, Aleck, it is about
three years ago, that having as you would
say, a competency made up mr. mind to
stop work and move into the country.-
So sold out my share of the business to
any partner, spent a year or more in look
ing at two or three score of country
places. and at last found one that | and
ny vile was considerably pleased with
Fine double house, four acres beautifully
shaded, vegetable garden not to be beat,
and soil OF q superior quality! The p ace
is still IN my possession, but before
would go and live on it agaih. I'd give
t away /; yes, Aleck, I'd see it sunk in
the middle of the Dead Sea. But 1 am
getting a little ahead Of my story. For
two or three mouths, matters and things
went on very well, because | had some
thing to attend to in making a few little
improvements about the house, and in
furnishing a number Of the doors with
locks Of my own invention ; but as the
Whole premises were in excellent repair
when 1 bought them, I soon. came to a
point where there was nothing to look
after but the cultivation of the GARDEN
l was not long though in making the dis
coyery that | had no genius or taste
either Tor digging around roots, or pull
Ing up weeds, and 80 as wife didn't wish
the garden to run to waste, / employed
a regular English gardener to carry the
thing handsomely through. vn
WELL don't mind the expense be put
me to in the way of guaho, new-fangled
gardening tools and patent water appar-
atus for | had fully expected to spend
money. and thanks to our previous
economy, we had the money to spend ;
but Aleck, it was really very amusing to
see what the fruit aud vegetables raised
from our garden stood us in. Making
use of the little arithmetic / was master
OF, | reecollect that I cyphered up the
cost OF the table 6xins and the resultwas
-cncumbers. b seventeen cents apiece !;
green peas, a dollar and three quarters
for a half peck currents, fifty cents a
quart raspberries, thirty cents a pint (;
beets, afoarteens cents each, and every.
thing else in. proportion. All this /
cared nothing about but somehow I felt
out Of my gearing in not having the right
kind Of employment. Wife did her best
to coax me into gentlemanly ways had
the old mechanical CRIME all thoroughly
'seru6bed onteof my h~ands-fnger nails
cleaned out and rounded-so as To- make
it appear that | had never done manual
labor. TW9Sg 9
Then we must get behind d couple of
Morgan ponies which I bad purchased.
and make fashionable calls in the dsy
time on those who had called on as : and
wife wanted me to soften down my voice
and to be particular about my grammar
and the subject | talked on : but some.
times forgettingE myself j would rev.
Ell in the proud memory of the locks and
keys l had handled in happier DAYS and
commence ahistory of exploits in that
line, when wife would look as though she
was going to sink through the floor. In
fact she wished to keep a perpetual lock
on my lips. (so far as our antecedant 70