Nashville patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1858-1860, 1858-04-22
How he came to be Marrfed-Not TO be
Read by Over-EastidIous People.

HOW he came to be Vi arrfed-Sot TO De
Read by Over-EastidIous People.
II may be funny, but I've done it. I've got
a rib and baby. Shadows departed-oyster
stews, brandy cocktails, segar boxes, boot
jacks, absconding shirt buttons, whist and
dominoes Shadows present-hoop skirts,
band boxes, ribbons. gaitsrs long stockings,
juvenile dresses, tin trumpets. little willow
chairs, cradles, bibs, pap, teats, paregoric, t
hive syrup, castor oil, Godfrey's cordial, |
soothing syrup, rhubarb. SIENNA, salt, squiIis, |
and doctors bills. Shadows future
nine pound babies, more hive syrup etc. |
Elljust tell you how got caught I was al |
ways the darndest. tea-custard. bashful fellow |
you ever did see; it was kinder in my line to !
be taken with the shakes every time saw a |
pretty girl approaching me, and I'd cross the |
street any time rather than face one; ;twasn't |
because didn't like the critters for if | was |
behind a fence looking through a knot hole. / |
could look at one long enough. Well, my |
sister Lib gave party one night, and stay
ed away from home because was too bashful
to face the music ] hung around the house,
whistling % Old Dan Tucker" dancing to keep
my feet warm, watching the heads bobbing
up and down behind the window curtains and
wishing the laundering party would break up
so / could get to my room. / smoked bunch
of cigars, and as it was getting late and
mighty uncomfortable, / concluded to shin up
the door post. No sooner said than done.
and soon found myself snug in bed. 'Now,"
says L, let her rip! Dance till your wind
gives outn' And Guiding under the quilts,
Morpheus grabbed me. | was dreaming of
soft shell crabs and stewed tripe. and was
having good time, when somebody knocked
at the door, and woke me up. Rap, again /
LAID low Rap. rap. rapi hen Lib sings
ut Toe As.St
l. Then came a roar of lighter. "Let us
in,' says she. 90 l WON'T says |, cant you
let fellow alone?" Are you a-bed?' says
she. $ / am,'' says /. "Getup," says She II
won't" says l. Then came another laugh.
By thunder. began to get riled. g Get out,
your petticOated scare-crow!' / cried, can
you get beau without hauling fellow out
of bed? | won't go home with you-I
won't, so you may clear out" And throwing
boot at the door. / felt better. But present
". OH mortal buttons L heard still, small
voice very much like sister Ibis, and it said:
Jack, you'll have TO get up. for all the girls
things are in there" Oh, Lord, what a picklel
Think of me in bed, all covered with
shawls, muffs. bonnets and cloaks, and TWEEN
tv gals outside the door waiting TO get IN! II
| had stopped to think | should have pancaked
on the spot. As it was / rolled among the
bonnets, wire and ribbons in q hurry.
Smash.'' went the millinery in every direc-
ton | had to dress in the dark, for there
was crack in the door; and the girls will
peep-and the way Ifumbled about was death
to straw hats. The critical moment came.
opened the door and found myself right
among the women. "Oh, my Leghorn!'
cried one. "My dear, darling, winter velvet"
cried another, and they pitched in-they
pulled me this way and that, boxed my ears;
and one bright-eyed little piece Sal her name
was, put her arm around my neck, and kissed
me right on my lips. Human nature couldn't
stand that and gave her as good as she sent.
It was the first time | had ever got a taste,
and it was powerful good. | believe | could
have kissed that gal from Julius Caesar to 4th
of july jack said she, 1--WE are sorry to
disturb you, but won't you me homer"
Yes" said |, u will" Ibid do it, and had
another smack at the gate, too. After that
we took kinder turtle-dOving after each 9th
err. both of us signing like barrel of new CT
der when we were away from each other.
Twas at the close of a glorious summer
day-the sun was setting behind distant
hog pen-the chickens were going to roost-
the bullfrogs were commencing their evening
songs-the pollywogs, in their native mud
puddes, were preparing themselves for the
shades of highland Sal and myself sat upon
an antiquated backlog, listening to the music
of nature, such as trees, toads. ROSTERS and
grunting pigs and now and then the mellow
music of distant jack-ass was waiter to our
ears by the gentle zephyrs that sighed among
the mullen stalks, and came heavy laden with
the delicious OdOr of hen roosts and pig styes.
The last lingering rays of the setting sun.
CHANGING upon the brass buttons of solitary
hOrseman, shone through the knot-hOle in the
!, hog pen full in Sails face, dying her hair with
an orange-peel hue, and showing off my
! threadbare coat TO bad advantageous of my
| arms was around Sails waist my hand resting
-
| with my auburn locks of jet black hue-she
was almont gone, and | was ditto. She look
| ed like grasshopper dying with the hiccups,
and | felt Ike mud-turtle chOkcd with a
| Goldfish ball. SAL" says /, in voice musi-
| cal as the notes of dying swan, twill you
| have me?' She turned her eyes heavenward.
! clasped me by the hand. had an attack OF the
/ heaves aud blind staggers, and with sigh
! that drew her shoe-string to her palate. said
| "Yes!" She gave clear out, then, aud squat
| ted in my lap-she corkscrewed and curflumX-
| ed and rolled in it. | Rugged her until
broke my suspenders, and her breath smelt OF
onions which she had ate the week before
! Well, to make a long story short, she set the
day, and we practiced for four weeks every
| night how we would walk into the room to be
married. till we got so we could walk as
graceful as couple of Muscovie ducks. The
! night. the company, and the minister came
| the signal was given, and arm and arm we
marched through the crowded hall. We were
Just entering the parlor door, when down
| went kersap on the oil cloth, pulling Sa
after me- Some cussed fellow dropped {
! banana skin on the floor, and tiOOred me. II
split an awful hole in my cassimeres, RICH
under my DIR IS coat tail. 1t wa too late t.
to back out, so clapping my hand over it, WI
marched in and were spliced. and taking ;
seat | watched the bride kissing operation
Nv groomsman was tight, and he kissed he
till jumped up to take u slice, when, oh
horrowl little six year imp had crawle'
behind me. and pulling my shirt through tn
hold in my pants had pinned 1t TO the CHAIR
and in iunping up. displayed 10 the admir-
inp gaze of the astonished multitude Il triii
more white muslin than | desired.