Smyrna times., 1858-10-14


self; all the others require witnesses.
A Lovers CoNUNDRUM-Why is love like a
canal boat! Because it is an internal trans.
port,
There is certainly something of exquisite
kInd 'ess and thoughtful benevoence in that
rarest of glfls-fine breeding.
Why had a man better lose his arm than a
leg Because. losing his leg, he loses some
thing "to boot
81 liked your dessert better than your dim
ner. yesterday" What dessert 7" asked Plato.
Your conversation" replied his guest.
1t seems to be so easy too be goodnatured,
that II Is wonder anybody takes the troub e
to be anything else.
Love is better than pair of spectacles, to
make everything seem greater which is seen
through it.
A cute Yankee in Kansas sells liquor in
gun-barrel instead of glass. that he may avoid
the law, and make 1t appear, beyond dispute
that he is selling liquor by the barrel.
"The politicians have thrown me overheard. :"
SAID a disappointed politician, but | have
strength enough to swim to the other side
01T- A man was walking quickly down the
street the other day, when he was suddenly
struck by thought and knocked into the gut
teri
0EF Perl ps men are the most initiative ami,
NAL in all the world of Nature. Only one ass
spoke like man, but hundreds of thousands of
men are daily talking like asses.
0<<r In the year 1857. the Paris tribunals pro.
nounced 1912 sentences of matrimonial separa.
tlons; and there were 1880 cases decided
where neither party should interfere with the
others property.
0F lfyou are vcxed, you have two troubles
instead of one.
01T Were it not for the tears that filled our
eyes, what an ocean would fill our hearts.
o. Some one has defined an editor as being
a poor fellow, who emptIes his brains to fill his
stomach
o. Marriage resembles a pair of shears,
says Sidney Smith, so joined that they cannot
be separated, often moving IN opposite direc.
tons, yet always punIshing any one who comes
between them
Lovers, whose only desire is to take long and
walks beneath the moon, are not long
in discovering, after marriage, that they cannot
subsist on moonshne.
A critic was never better criised than when
Goldsmith said of Lord Kame's " Elements Of
Criticism" -" 1t is easier to write that book than
10 read it,"
Robert Hall was once asked what he thought
OF an elegant sermon, which had created
Q reat sensation. Very fine, sir,' he replied
i" but a man can't eat flowers"
A noted physician says that one of the best
things to appease hunger is an opium pill. We
wonder if the doctor ever tried a beef-steak
f1anked with several dishes Of mashed "laters"
We doubt it.
A green 'un, who had never before seen
steamboat, fell through the hatchway down in
to the hold, and being unhurt. thus loudly ex-
pressed his surprlse-'' Well, if the darned
thing ail't holer."
"The most quiet place know" said Zakiel,
" is WoodviIle, III Mississippi; there's no quar-
rel or rowdyrsm, nor fighting in the Streets
If a gentleman insults another, he's quietly
shot down, and that lG the last Of It,"
Women require more sleep than men, and
farmers less than those engaged in any other
occupation. Editors, reporters, printers, and
telegraph operators need no sleep at all. Law
yers can sleep much as they choose, and
keep out of mischief.
An Irish housemad who was sent TO call
gentleman to dinner found him engaged in
using a toothbrush. "Well, is he coming Z"
said the lady of the house, as the servant re-
turned. Yes, 'am, directly" was the re-
ply; "he's just sharpening his teeth"
10 advertisement by railway company of
some un-called- for goods the letter Lhas, by
an accident dronppd froB tho word lawful and
it reads now, People tc whom these packages
are directed are requested to come forward and
pay the awfrL charges on the same"
TIE CRANBERRY CRoP.-Lovers of cranber-
ries will be sad to read the following from the
Nantucket Inquirer of 2Sth:
A very heavy and unreasonable frost occurred
here on Saturday night, and which we are
afraid has been disastrous to the cranberry crop.