Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1858-08-13

other nefarious person making such a us,
the few precious hours of darkness a
to go to sleep in them Why, too
should he take q bed-stead without mat
tress, which, / believe, is the case in thi
particular supposition of yours, when there
were feather-beds unoccupied in othel
apartments? Moreover, this would b,
a still greater height of recklessness in such
an individual, should he have habit o.
snor''-
A slight noise in the dressing room, occa.
stoned by the Venetian blind tapping against
the window, hero causes Mrs. B. to bury her
head with extreme swiftness, ostrich like, be.
meath the pillow, so that the peroration Of
my argument is lost upon her. enter the
suspected chamber-this time with a lighted
candle-and find my trousers, with the boots
IN them, hanging over the bedside, some
thing, after the manner of drunken marau-
der, but nothing more. Neither is there
any body reposing under the shadow of nv
boot-tree upon the floor. All is peace there,
and at SKIES and sevons, as left it upon re-
tiring-as had hoped-to rest
Once more 7 stretch my chilled and tired
limbs upon the couch; sweet sleep once more
begins to WOO my eylids' when, " Henry,
Henry, again dissolvcs the dim and half
formed dream.
"Are you certain Henry that you looked in
the shower bath ? l am almost sure
heard somebody pulling the string"
No grounds adduced are too insufficient no
supposition too incompatible with reason, for
Mrs. B. to build her alarms, upon
sometimes although we lodge upon the, second
story, she imagines chat the window is being
attempted sometimes, although the register
may be down, she is confident that the Chin
ney is being used as the means of ingress
Once when she happened to be in London
-where she feels, however, good deal safer
than in the country-we had a real alarm,
and Mrs B., since was suffering from a
quinsy--contracted mainly by my being sent
about the house o'nights in the usual scanty
drapery-had to be sworn in as her own
special constable.
"Henry, Henry" she whispered upon this
occasion, "there's dreadful cat in the room. ="
"Pooh, pooh?" l gasped; "it's only in
the street I've heard the wretches. Perhaps
they are on the tiles
it makes you cough; only listen to me- What
am to do, Henry? III stake my existence
that there is-Ugh, what's that? ?''
And, indeed. some heavy body did then and
there jump upon our bed, and off again at my
wlfe's interjection, with extreme agility.
thought Mrs. B. would have had fit but
she hadn't. She told me- dear soul, upon no
account to venture into the cold with my
bad throat. She would turn out the beast
herself, single-handed. We arranged that
she was to take hold of my fingers, and retain
them until she reached the e-place, where
she would find shovel or other offensive
weapons fit for the occasion. During the
progress of this expedition. however, so ter
rible caterwauling broke forth, as it seemed
from the immediate neighborhood of the
fender, that my disconnected help-mate made
a most precipitate retreat. She managed af-
ter this mishap, to procure light, and by
circuitous route, constructed of tables and
chairs, to avoid stepping upon the floor, Mrs.
b. obtained the desired weapon. 1t was then
much better than play to behold that heroic
woman detying grimalkin from her enincnce,
ensued between herself and that far from
dumb, though inarticulately speaking animal
Puss, puss, pussy-poor pussy"
Miau, miau. miau, was the linked
shrillness, long drawn out, of the feline or
canine reply.
Poor old puss, then, was it i'll? Puss,
puss. Henry, the horrid thing is going to
fly at me Whist, whist. cat"
"Ps-s-s-s, ps-s-s-s, miau; ps-s-s-s-s-s-s
replied the other, in voice like fat in the
fire.
"My dear love-" cried I, almost suffocated
with combination Of laughter and quinsy,
" you have never opened the door; where is
the poor thing to run to?"
Mrs B. had all this time been exciting the
bewildered animal to frenzy by her conversa-
tion and shovel, without giving it the oppor-
tunity of escape, which, as soon as offered,
it took advantage of with an expression Of
savage impatience, partaking very closely of
the character of an oath.
This is, however, the sole instance of Mrs.
BIS having ever taken it in hand to subdue
her own alarms. 1t is l who, ever since her
marriage, have done the duty, and more than
the duty, of an efficient house-dog, which, be-
fore that epoch understand was won't to be
discharged by one of her youngest sisters
mine, l have become myself the cause of
alarm or inconvenience to others. Our lit
tie footpage, with courage beyond his years,
and spirit worthy of better cause, very
nearly transixed me with the kitchen-spit,
as was trying, upon one occasion, the door
of his own pantry.
Upon another nocturnal expedition, ran
against human body in the dark, that turn
ed out to be my brother-in-law's, who was
also in search of robbers, with q shock to
both our nervous systems, such as they have
not yet recovered from. 1t fell to my lot
upon third, to discover one of the rural
police up in our attic, where, in spite Of the
increasing powers lately granted to the coun-
ty constabulary, could scarcely think he
was justly entitled to be-
at once presented myself, an unlimited
guest, at a select morning entertainment-it
was about one o'clock A. M.-given by our
hired London cook to nearly dozen of her
male and female friends. No wonder that
Mrs. B. had "staked her existence that
night that she heard the area gate ego. -
When l consider the extremely free and un-
constrained manner in which was received,
poker and all, by that assembly, my only
surprise is that they did not signify their ar
rivals by double knocks at tho front door as
others did.
On one memorable night, and on one only,
have found it necessary to use that formida-
BILE weapon which habit has rendered as ia
miliar to my hand as it's flower to that of the
Queen of Clubs.
The gray of the morning had just began to
steal into our bedchamber, when Mrs B.
calculated, with usual vigor-
Henry, Henry, they are in the front
drawing-room, and they've just knocked
down the parrot-screen.
"My love-" was about to observe, "your
imaginative powers have now arrived at the
pitch Of clairvoyance," when noise from
the room beneath us, as if all the fre-irons
had gone off together with bang, compelled
me to acknowledge, to myself at least, that
there was something in her alarm at last
l trod down stairs as noiselessly as could
and In almost utter darkness. The drawing
room door WAS ajar, and through the creyice
could distinguish, despite the gloom, as
many as three mufied figures. They were
all of them in black clothing, and each wore