Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1858-10-05
MISCELL L A N Y +.
From the AZ. Y. Commercial Advsrti
My Wife's Cousin.


Some time ago, L called on a cousin of my
wife who resided in the city of Philadelphia |
had not seen him for a long time, but having
understood that he was in affluent circumstances,
was but little prepared for the condition in
which I found him. Through information de-
rived from Philadelphia directory, went to
one of those alleys with which that city abounds,
and found his name on sign, board, associated
with that of another man, over a dark and dingy
shop. The sign purported that they were lock-
smiths and bell hangers also that locks were re-
paired and keys fitted. Without ceremony |
walked into the gloomy recess, where there was
blacksmith's forge, and where among several
muscular looking men up to their armpits in
work, was ''my wife's cousin" He received me
most cordially, and for q moment intermitted
filing huge brass key on which he was engaged
and the shake of my own dexter by one OF his
broad brawny hands, can liken to nothing near
or than the shock of young earthquake.
"Take seat, take seat" he observed, sand
lust as soon as finish this key we'll make tracks
for home"
I of course replied that was in no hurry, and
at once became interested in the facile manner
in which he was metamorphosing rough cast
ing into polished key. As soon as it was COM
pleted, he washed the worst of the dirt from his
hands, hung up his work apron, and then put.
ting on his coat and hat, remarked in cheerful
tone, "Come, now, cousin Aleck, let's go and see
whether wife has got any tea for US"
After we were in the street, our conversation
insensibly ran on business, and took occasion
to say to him that had been of the opinion that
he had retired from his trade on a handsome
competency. "Don't say word about retire
ment," he replied, sit nearly makes me sick to
lIL. IL 40 toll nfr rip hue
ness while they are healthy and able to work {;
why, I tell you, Aleck, they don't know what it
means l didn't know what it meant until l
tried it, but noac retirement and misery sound,
to nv ears, like words of about the same mean.
ing"
Perceiving that he had struck a subject on
which be could easily be communicative, look
ed inquiringly, when he rejoined, Perhaps you
never heard the particulars of my retiringa"
On my replying that had not, he proceeded.
'sYou see, Aleck it is about three years ago,
that having, as you wonld say, competency, /
made up my mind to stop work, and move into
the country. So sold out my share Of the bus
mess to my partner, spent year or more in
looking at two or three score of country places,
and at last found one that wife and myself were
considerably pleased with. Fine double house,
four acres beautifully shaded, vegetable garden
not to be beat, and soil ofa superior quality. The
place is still in my possession, but before I'd go
and live on it again, I'd give it away yes, AL
eek, I'd see it sunk in the middle of the Dead
Sea- But am getting little ahead of my sto-
ry. For two or three months matters and
things went on very well, because / had some
thing to attend to in making few little i'm
provements about the house, and in furnishing a
number of the doors with locks of my own in.
vention but as the whole premises were in ex-
oellent repair when bought them, soon came
to point where there was nothing to look after
but the cultivation of the garden. was not
long though in making the discovery that | had
no genius or taste either for digging around
roots, or pulling up weeds, and so, as wife didn't
wish the garden to run to waste, | employed a
regular English gardener to carry the thing hand
somely through.
swell, don't mind the expense he put me to
in the way of guano, new tangled gardening
tools, and patent watering apparatus; for had
fully expected to spend money, and thanks to
our previous economy, we had the money to
spend but, Aleck, it was really very amusing
den stood us in. Making use of the little arith
metic was master of, recolect that cypher-
ed up the cost of some of the table fixins, and
piece green peas, dollar and three quarters
for half peck currants, fifty cents quart;
raspberries, thirty cents pint; beets, fourteen
cents each, and everything else in proportion
All this cared nothing about; but somehow l
felt out of my gearing in not having the right
kind of employment. Wife did her best to coax
me into gentlemanly ways; had the old mechan-
ical CRIME all thoroughly scrubbed out of my
hands-fnger nails cleaned out and rounded
so as to make it appear that had never done
manual labor.
"Theu we must get behind couple of Nor
gan ponies which had purchased, and make
fashionable calls in the daytime on those who
had called on us and wife wanted me to soften
down my voice and to be particular about my
grammar and the subjects talked on ; but some
times forgetting myself, l would revel in the
proud memory of the locks and keys had ham
died in happier days and commence history of
my exploits in that line, when wife would look
as though she was going to sink through the
floor. In fact she wished to keep perpetual
lock on my lips $50 far as our antecedents were
concerned,) with the key in her pocket. But
sighed for the shop, and time hung so heavily