The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1858-10-06

and frequently about the streets of the Me-
tropois "on SPREE Such conduct the part Of
law makers didn't impress the outsiders with such
exalted opinion Of NJ Cs they once had, as the
incident am about to relate will show.
One hot, moolight night during long session, q
party Of gentlemen including several members Of
congress, seated around the door of the house
friend, trying to get cool, when an old TOPPER al
tattered and torn" known Bill Scraggs, made his
appearance in their midst, and asked for money to
obtain nights lodging and something to eat The
hon. Mr., very kind hearted and respectable
member of the house. engaged Bill in converse
ton and at discovered that he was an educated
man, and remarked to him:
"My friend, you appear to have seen better days;
would like to know something of your history"
Bill drew himself up, and, after short pause said
"Sir, have better days NV parents are
well to do they gave me good education and pro-
ession, and, at one time, my prospects in life
bright any mans but, alas sir, in evil hour
became addicted to drink from that moment have
been going down, down, down, until have become
outcast, loater--of no account-ft for nothing
on this earth but to be member of congress ~
The Southern Literary Messenger draws portrait
of q certain type:
The morals of Sally Magann are-preachers. These
it adores For these it discovers its small capacities
of needle and thread and concerning these, next to
wet goods and theatres, its gggy -gabbng is atu-
ent beyond all measure. 10 button for u
preacher visit his wife, to ebroider pair of slip
pers for him. to be spoken to by him when aectates
along the street. to kiss his children to DEATH is the
first Joy of S. Magann If the preacher is unmarried
then is his divinity complete in the eyes of an S.
Magann. How it hangs upon his lips, as it sits in a
pew and pushes up its bonnet slipping from the back
of its head Its tervent prayers that the Lord will
deliver him into the hands of o suitable hepmate !!
Its ANONYMOUS letters Of gratitude for his refreshing
sermons Its incog. bouquets Could it be priv
legged to make robe de mutt for the right Young min
lister, it would willingly die
But its destiny rarely comprehended the betterhav-
ing of pulpit joys Generally it advances by distinct
IN
case the element its nature is seriously ncreas
ed and aggravated; for Sally Magann acidulates
ercer than any other variety of female On the 9TH
er hand, it may, heretofore intimaed, marry. Its
destiny then includes early widowhood, an unprom-
sihg, unkept child or two, and most dreay after
istence Of untdness and paragorie.
Speaking of the Rio Grande a writer says: " i'm
aeine one Of the crookedest things in the world then
imagine twice crooked, and imagine to yourself
a large river three times crooked all these put
together and you have faint idea of the crooked dis
position of this crooked river There is no drift
wood in it, from the fact that it crooked that the
timber cannot find its way far down enough to lodge
two sticks together but few snakes because it is not
straight enough to swim in and the fish all in
whirlpools in the bends, because they cannot find
their way out.
Birds frequently attempt to the river, but
alight on the same side they start rObeng deceived
by the crook Indeed, you may be deceived when
YOU think you see it, and some of the bhoys
say it is twisting there is but one side to it."
CABLE HuMBUG.-The monster is sick, dead sick
there is something the matter with its spinal marrow;
all the electric shocks given by its DOCTORS wheth
or Yankee or English, dolt no good and 1t lies stretch
ed out ut full length, sluggish and semiparalyzed.
The creatures stomach too is out OF order for it was
surfeited with soft sawder, ad nanseam, and now it
can scarcely swallow anything, The mania is nearly
exhausted in New York. the price OF the rope has fall
len and the jewellers who bought sundry miles of the
cable that was never laid down. having failed to sell
it among the Yankees, now try to dispose OF the hum
a., bp mead atab SAILS
toes etc Was ever the like of this known? Only
think of making an ass OF himself by wearing
chunk of wire, gutta pereha, oakum, tar and pitch
rs % watch seal. And as to the memento, may the
good Lord deliver from having occasion to re-
member sorrowfully the fact that John Bull has got
the two ends of the cable OF which the jewellers
Il fac smile, in his hands Richmond South. |
An eminently christian lady, in heaven, once
administered very salutary reproof to a minister
who was too frequently in the practice of showing
bitter spirit toward his fellow christians. He was
dining at the table of her husband also minister,
and dealt out his accusaory and acriminous remarks
to all around him, and at length with an air and
tone bordering rudeness. turned to her and said:
"Well now, madame, l am determined to have
your opinion"
She very calmly replied, why, sir, had rather
be excused from giving it.
He reioned, but must and will have it, for We
live in times in which all ought to show their colors.
ssWel SIR" she replied, then my opinion is this
that gentlemen had better keep their razors to shave
their faces and not employ them to cut and slash
everybody who does not think exactly they do. |
also think, sir, that Paul judged the same when he
said to Titus, put them in mind to speak evil of no
man. to be brawler, but gentle showing meekness
to all men," The gentleman soon after retired.
A friend of the Charleston Courier, and mankind
universally tsince the prevalence of colds is univer
SAL sends the following infabe remedy for coughs
or hoarseness:'
chip up fat lightwood, and put handful of the
chips into A pint of common spirits. A teaspoonful
L. to bod
horseness and if taxed three times day, wheney-
er cough is troublesome it will effect speedy cure
4 few chips thrown into hot shovel and the odor
breathed, will be found servcabe In lung complaints
and il calculated to relieve asthma. This is much
cheaper than Cherry Pectoral, and equally etiica-
cious"
Revenge is longer lived than gratitude Endorse
Mr. Smiths note to keep him from bursting, and he
will forget all about it in month. Pull Mr.. Smiths
nose and he will cherish secret desire to burn your
house down for the remainder of his. Revenge is a
passion We can all hate, But it is only one man in
in hundred who possesses sense enough to be thank
full.
In one of the courts lately, there was long and
learned discussion to whether witness should he
allowed to answer the question, what did Mary
say?" The judges gave long and elaborate opinions
in the affirmative, and the question being repeated,
the answer was: q not n word {
{ man was charged with stealing piece of cloth,
when the lawyer put in as plea that the individual
charged with stealing could not see it, for it an
invisible green.
The most remarkable instance of INDIGESTION we
ever heard Of was that Of the man who sat up all
night because he could not decide which to take off
first, his coat or his boots.
Somebody has said, "men are frequently like tea
their real strength and goodness are not properly
drawn out until they have been short time in hot
water"
True goodness of heart nourshes itself on the good
which it does to Others. The good loves him to whom
he does good as the bad hates him whom he has in
jured.
There, now, cried little girl, while rummaging
drawer in bureau, 90 there now, gran pa has gone
to heaven without his spectaclesl What will he do?
Men are born with two eyes, but with one tongue
order that they may see twice as much they say
The same is also applicable to boys and women. {
A melting sermon being preached in country
church. all the congregation fell to weeping, except
one man, who begged to be excused, as he belonged
20 another church
lightning rods take the mischief out Of the clouds !
rods take it out of the bad boys
The sheepn the meadow, and the oxen in the forest,
like contribute their chops for the benefit Of man
A man in Florida who swallowed an orange seed
asst fall, has breath fragrant of orange blossoms
his spring, that be says, the ladies are constantly