The Shasta courier., 1858-04-17
Trials of q Fat Man.

The Buffalo Republic has fat correspondent,
who tells his story frankly, thus AS intima-
ted to you, having come to the conclusion that
there was nothing fit to eat in Buffalo, started
for New York on Friday last, on the Central
Railroad had no idea that a man with re-
spectacle quantity of flesh was looked upon with
any degree of surprise outside of your city lin
it's only weigh two hundred and thlrty-one
pounds, and if am said to be as broad as am
long, it plainly was no reason for the ticket
agent at the Buffalo depot inquring, do you
wish to go as freight, or as a passenger Z"
told him with considerable asperity " as pas
senger, of course" when he charged me for two
tickets and upon my expostulating with him,
he very impudently inquired if | supposed that
any one else could sit in the same seat occu-
pied. Being aware that it was matter of some
doubt, said no more, but heard him mntter
something to himself about hogs always going
us freight, as | walked off, which remark was
made, presume to an omnibus driver standing
near 1t certainly could have no reference to
me- Do you think it could?
got on the cars somewhat ruffled in temper,
and after crushing two or three women from
diameter of ten feet into about six inches and
fattening out an apple-boy and popcorn VEN
der, so that their identity becomes a matter of
considerable research, finally obtained a seat
oPPOoAeS
daughter. They screamed as sat down, and
was tempted to expand my lungs in the same
manner, for the whole seat gave way with me
and deposited me with my wig in pool of to-
bacco juice, and my feet in the bony, unmarried
girls lap. Upon extricating myself from the
wreck, ! discovered to my horror that had
split the back of my coat, had utterly crushed
out of existence three band-boxes, and obtained
the eternal hate of the scraggy woman and her
bony daughter forever. | tried to make my
apologies, but think | failed. My failure is
easily explained, for who ever heard of any man
making decent apology in fractured coat
and head saturated with tobacco juice.
+ then went into another car, in consequence
6f the indignation of the passengers having been
aroused by the two women alluded to, and es-
pecially as | heard gentleman with short hair
and not very placid face, inquiring if he hadn't
better punch him." Having no doubt that the
him" referred to meant me, made myself as
" seldom" as possible and got into the next car
The seats in the were all weak, frail thi gs
four of them fell to pieces AS sat down or
them. Upon making my complaint to the con-
ductor-who asked q if there was no more than
one of rne''-he suggested that had better &C
Into the baggage and sit on one of the ex-
press trunks. They being iron-bound, he thought
they'd stand it, if nothing else would. did &C
in there The baggage man. who was not very
polite, asked me what I wanted. | told him
wanted to stay In there. He said it couldn't be
did as, if came in, he would have to go out
there wasn't room for them two trunks and
both of us in that baggage car"
accommodated matters with him by giving
him dollar, Zone of twenty | had borrowed, ;,
and he agreed to ride on the outside of the
car while | occupied the inside. 1 got upon
two express trunks, and was very comfortable
Indapt / shnuld bava he
baggage man hadn't kept annoying me. He
kept driving his head into the car and asking il
| was going to New York, and upon my replying
that was, he'd convey my reply to the brake
man, who evidently had been talking of me all
the way from Rochester. Finally the baggage
man drove his head in again, as if to end some
argument, and asked if | intended to go to
Barnums Museum when got to New York.
told him | should; which information he re-
conveyed to the brakeman, who calculated
Thought so-its himri
couldn't imagine what they meant. They
chuckled considerably, and said "Seen him
Ior hothin; twould cost two shilins in New
fork'-when l abruptly put an end to their
conversation by putting my head out of the
door, and inquiring who was ''himn what
would cost two shillings in New York; and
what they had " seen for nothing?n The brake
man was somewhat startled but recovered suf
iciently to say, "FAr Boy" This answer af
fording me no information whatever, backed
INTO the car again, much puzzled as to wha
they meant.
Dreaming that was being broiled on an i'm
lnense gridiron, for the purpose of sfryingn me
out and that the fat was running from me in
immense rivulets, which were being caught in
little tin cups, and sold by tradesmen of every
description, arrived in Syracuse, and there
awoke, delighted to find that had retained nv
accustomed flesh, and that gongs were sounding
ecstatic announcements of "dinnerr | will
write you again soon. Till then, believe me,
Your much annoyed
FAT CoNTRIBtiroR