The Lambertville press. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1858-1???, 1858-11-04

nose into it about mile, then cuddled down for
a snooze. Then the bachelor commenced sing
ing:
women all a feeting show
For mans delusiou given;
When filled with bran and stuffed with tow
They look quite we'll
A tap on the door stopped Joe in the midst of
his suggestive song; and before he had time to
disarray himself the door was opened and a
rogueish, laughing pair Of eyes peered in upon
him.
Your sister is not at home, is she 2" CHR
rupped the visitor
No maam," stammered Joe, growing very
red in the face, g and have turned nurse. .
Miss Hayes laughed offered to relieve him of
his charge, which he willingly consented to sit
ting near by, the while ntently watching her
She managed* baby to a charm, without the
basque, and Joeswas captivated.
Joseph Phelps married Fanny Hayes-'pon
my word, he did
A Puzzled Yankee Quilip" told good
story of man on Mississippi steamer who was
questioned by Yankee The gentleman, to
humor the fellow, answered all the questions
straight -forwardly, until the Down-easter was
fairly puzzled for an interrogatory At last, he
inquired Look here, Squire, where was yeou
born?'
was born" said the victim, in Boston,
fremont street, No. A. on the 1st day of Au-
gust, 1920, at o'clock in the afternoon"
Yankee was answered completely. For mo-
ment he was silent Soon however, his face
frightened, and he quickly said
"Yas; wall, | calculate you don't recollect
whetherit was a frame or brick house, du ye?"
Tit for Tat-A cornet of hussars, who was
not the most polite in bis manners, having joined
his regiment, was asked by his colonel what his
father was.
ga farmer" said the cornet
traden
pray, sir, asked thee ornet 'what was your
father ?"
"a gentleman, sir.
PITY he did not make you one, replied the
cornet
A Yankee has invented new and cheap plan
for boarding. One of the boarders mesmerizes
the rest, and then eats hearty meal, the mes
merized being satisfied from sympathy, One of
the boarders having recovered, mesmerized the
landlady on payday, and endeayored to settle
for the whole company by paying for one; but
| it didn't work
try for America, replied: q 1t wasn't for want
| had plenty of that at home"
-
"Oh dear y exclaimed fashionable girl when
she first beheld cucumber, Il always thought
such things grew in slices"
-
The most remarkable instance of indecision we
ever heard of, was that of man who sat up all
night, because he could not decide which to
! 4ol- ,N4fE L L
An Irshman being asked, on rainy day,
what he would take to carry messge from
Bulls Head to the Battery, answered ]: Sure,
I'd take coach.
The following is specimen of sharp shooting
between coquette and her lover:
Young men are angels when you WOO the
maid but devils after the marriage vow is
paid"
The lover not to be outdone replied as fol-
lows.
The change, dear girl, is easily forgiven.
We find ourselves in hell instead of heaven Y
i think our church will last good many
years yet, " said waggish deacon to his min
ister II see the sleepers are very sound
DIR. Franklin used to say that rich widows
were the only pieces of second hand goods that
sold at prime cost.
You often hear of man "being in advance
of his age;n but you never heard of woman
being in the same predicament
The individual who tried to clear his con-
science with an egg, is now endeavoring to raise
his spirits with yeast If he fails in this, it is
his deliberate intention to blow out his brains
with bellows, and sink camy into the arms of
young lady.
How very seldom it happens" said one
friend to another, chat we find editors who are
bred to their business Every well" replied
the other 'and have you not remarked how
seldom the business is bread to the editors -
A correspondent to the Nashville Gazette,
who signs herself Sophia, says that woman is
twice as good as man, and proves it BY the very
orthography-W- A-N-double you, o,
man!
Hoops.-lt is said that the first parsonage
who wore hoops, is Lady Saturn, one of the
ladies in waiting upon the SUM-
go