Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1858-02-05
THE TRIALS OF FAT MAN.

The Buffalo Republican has a fat correspon-
dent who writes that paper frankly thus:
As intmated to you. having come to the
conclusion that there is nothing fit to eat in
Buffalo. [ started for New York on Friday
last, on the Central Railroad. had no idea
that q man with a respecta bic quantity Of flesh,
was looked upon with any degree of surprise
outside Of your city limits. only weigh two
hundred and thirty-one pounds, and if am
said to be Is broad as 1 am long, it certainly
was no reason for the ticket agent at the Buffa-
10 depot inquirng 50 do you wish to 90 as freight
or a. passenger t''I told him with considera-
Die asperity as passenger, of course, > when
he charged me for tickets for two and upon
my exPostulating with him, he very impudent.
ly inquired ii | supposed that any one else
could sit in the same seat occupied Being
aware that ii was q matter of some doubt /
said no more, but heard him mutter some thing
10 himself about hogs always going as freight,
as L walked of, which remark was made pre-
sumo, to an omnibus driver standing near. 1t
certainly could have had no reference to me-
Do you think it couldP
got on the ears somewhat ruffled in temper
and after crushing two or three women from a
diameter of ten feet into about six inches, and
hattening out Nm apple boy and popcorn ven-
der so that their identity becomes a matter of
considerable research, L finally obtained a seat
opposite an old, scraggy lady and her unmar-
ried daughter. They screamed as sat down,
and was tempted to expand my lungs in the
same manner, for the whole seat gave way with
me and deposited me with my wig in a pool of
tobacco juice, and my feet in the bony unmar-
rled girls lap. Upon extricating myself from
the wreck, | discovered to my horror that had
split the back Of my coat, had utterly crushed
out OF existence three bandbOxes; and obtained
the eternal hate of the scraggy woman and her
bony daughter forever. / tried to make my
apologies, but think failed. My failure is ca
silly explained, for whoever heard of any man
making decent apology in a fractured coat
and head saturated with tobacco juice
then went into another Car, in consequence
Of the Indignation of the passengers having
been aroused by the two women alluded to, and
especially as L head gentleman with short
hair and not very placid face, inquiring if he
hadn't better punch him. Having no doubt
that the him referred to meant me. L made
myself as seldom as possible, and got into the
next car. The seats in the car were all weak
frail things, as four of them fell to pieces as [
sat down on them. Upon making my complaint
to the conduetOr-whO asked if there was more
than one of me-he suggested that 1 had bet
ter go into the baggage car and sit on one of the
express trunks. They being iron bound he
thought they d stand it, if nothing else would
L did 60 in there. The baggage man who was
not very polite, asked me what L wanted. L
told him wanted to stay in there. He said it
c0uldn't be did as. if came in. he would have
TO go out; there wasn't room for them two
trunks and both Of us in that there baggage
car L accommodated matters with him by
giving him q dollar, zone of twenty had bor-
rowed,) and he agreed to ride on the outside of
the car, while occupied the inside. l gotup
on two express trunks, and was very comforta-
BILE. Indeed l should have been perfectly so,
ii the baggage-man hadn't kept ANNOYING me-
lie kept diving his head into the car, and ask
ing if was going to New York, and upon my
replying that was, he would convey my re-
ply 10 the brsakman, who evidently had been
talking of me all the way from Rochester. FL
nslly, the baggage-man dove his head in again.
as If to end some argument, and asked if | in
tended To 60 to Barnums Museum when got
TO New York. L told him should; which in
formation he conveyed TO the breakmau, who
calculated, " Thought so-its him"
L cOuldn' imagine what they meant. They
chuekled considerably, and said - Seen him
for nOthin. TNOuld a cost two shllins in
New fOrk"-when l abruptly put an end to
their conversation, by putting my head out of
the car door, and inquring who was = him.
what - would cost two shillings in New York. -
and what they had - seen for nothing The
brakeman was somewhat startled, but recovered
sufficiently to say. Far Boy This answer
afforded me o information whatever, l backed
into the car gain much puzzled as to what they
meant. Dreaming that was being broiled on
an immense grdiron, for the purpose of sfry-
ing me out, and that the fat was running
from me in Innumerable rivulets which was
being caught in little tin cups and sold by
tradesmen of all descriptions, l arrived in Sy-
racuse, and there awOke, delighted to find that
4 retained my accustomed flesh and that gongs
were sounding ecstatic announcements of din
ner' will write you again soon. Till then
believe me } our much annoyed
Far CONTRIBUTOR.