The Shasta courier., 1858-03-27
A victim Of the Main. Law.

of "George W. F., we take from Porter's Spirit
of the Times:
"Two old friends of mine, Hervey L., Joe B.,
and myself, said Jim H., were travelling on a GER
tain railroad, a few years ago, in Ohio. Well,
we three were hardly ever together but we
started fun in some shape. On this occasion,
however, it seemed as if our old prestige had
gone, and we were doomed to disappointment.
Indeed, by common consent, we settled down
into profound udy as to the great cause of
our apparent quiescence. Hervey quietly insin-
uated, however, that it would not do for the re-
port to get abroad that We had met and not
elected some one. This was too true Joe
preserved dogged silence.
"We, however, were happily disappontea as
the next station heralded into our presence the
subject We were on the loueliest part of the
road, passing AS it did on the mere confines of
civilization. While waiting anxiously for the
train to proceed, the door opened, and in stalked
the prettiest specimen of a human our eyes ev-
er beheld. He would measure easily six feet
aud half his hair perfect brush heap !;
his face complete mart of bumps and ridges,
and evidently hadn't felt the touch of water in
month; his long arms seemed like useless ap-
pendages, as they swung against his body; his
clothes were composed of all the kinds of fabric
ever woven, and might have Wed with Joseph's'
coat OF many coiors; indeed, his tout ensemble
completely convinced us he had never seen a
very great deal of civilized country
''Well, in due course of time, he obtained
seat, and as luck would have it. Immediately in
front of us. Hervey and myself were together,
whilst Joe was quietly ensconced by the side of
an old lady behind The moment he entered
we were on the gui riUe. ] watched him mar
rowly from the moment he had taken his seat,
and while in the performance of my occular du-
ties noticed that he would occasionally lean
forward, and clear gurglng follow the motion.
Peeping cautiously around the side of his seat,
observed bottle.
"The Maine Law, just at that time, was agita-
ting the whole community; and suddenly be-
thinking myself, my plans were formed in
instant. Whispering to Hervey and Joe the re-
suit of my Investigations, bid them assume the
character of judges, and would do the same.
Hervey assumed the appellation of Judge Jones;
Joe, of Judge Smith; and myself, that of Judge
Waters
'After being acquainted with the characters
we had to assume, turned my attention to the
object of our anticipated sport, and heard again
that curling issue from his throat. | did not
contemplate him long, but sapping him on the
shoulder
"'None of that SIR exclaimed; hand over
that bottle My two companions and myself are
judges, duly elected by the people of the State
wish to intimate that you are guilty of infring-
ing on the Maine Law which reads NO spir-
ituous liquors of any kind whatsoever shall be
used in this State, except medicine. We
do not. say, desire to judge you wrongfully,
until we have investigated the contents of your
bottle. Therefore you will please hand over
that bottle
"'The remarks of Judge Waters are perfectly
in keeping with the law, chimed in Harvey and
joe
''By this time the attention of the passengers
was directed toward us, and all were on the qui
uiue for the denouement.
meantime our Subject floating in the
sphere of astonishment and fear, had mechan-
ically handed me the bottle and receiving it
with an air becoming the august parsonage
represented, held it up to the light, remarking
at the same time 1T looks like whisky 7 then
placing it a respectable distance from my nasal
organ, with sober countenance, assured my as
sociate judges lit smelled like whisky here
suggested to my friend that, in order to convict
him, it would require more positive evidence 81
the contents of the bottle than had thus far
been adduced; therefore, falling back on NY
privilege as a judge, would proceed to taste the
article In answer to this only met the be-
wildered and astonished gaze of my friend. |
applied the bottle to my lips, and took a 'reglar
old pull Oh, delicious draught it was .genu-
inc Bourbonr but how under the heavens he
had secured such prime whisky, was mystery
to me.
81 pronounced it to be pure Bourbon whis-
KY Hervey and Joe were aching to get hold of
the bottle, for they knew by the sparkling of
my eye that there something remarkable
there. | handed it over asking the opinion of
Judge Jones as to what the article might be.
81 1t would have emphatically done your heart
and soul good to have seen Hervey take the bot
tie. Placing it as | did, between him and the
light, he remarked:
"'My friend and associate judge has pro-
nounced this Bourbon whisky; and should it
prove to be such, your sentence must be Sc
we're one. |, however, cannot agree with Judge
Waters until have examined the qualities of
the liquor and my opinion will go far to-
ward convicting you, it is necessary that it
should be based on a sound investigation of the
article; therefore, shall examine it thorough
ly.'
sour friend was still immovable, fairly struck
dumb at the strange proceedings. Hervey, after
taking all he wanted, continued thus:
g i find, upon examination, that this is whis-
ky, and, consequently, must agree with my as
sociate Judge; nut that you may have a just
and impartial trial, will pass the bottle to my
learned companion Judge Smith, and if his
ideas concur with ours, We must pronounce you
gulty'
Accordingly, Joe was passed the bottle. AS
soon as he received it, he took pull that ac-
tualy drained it. Having withdrawn the bottle
from his lips, he said:
s'My dear friend the two honorable Judges
that have preceded me, have passed their opn-
ions on the contents of the bottle which hold
in my hand; their opinions are unanimous, and
this is pronounced ardent spirits | experience
much regret when l say that it is my honest
conviction, my learned associates are correct in
their conclusion. 1t only remains for me to pro-
nounce you guilty. My two learned associates
will, of course, concur with me in passing this
sentence upon you and the company present
will bear witness to the impartiality of your
trial.
When Joe finished speaking, he handed the
bottle back to the 'rictim, who took it with the
same mechanism that he had handed it to me-
As he received it with mouth agap, and eyes as
large saucers, one simultaneous roar of laugh
ter rolled through the car"
"well Jim, what did your friend do?n |
asked.
.'0h, he first glanced at US, then at the COM
pany, and finally at his empty bottle; then, FIX
ing bis gaze on us, he fairly yelled
'.LIeHTsN Darn your picfurs! rhoop, =
,rhar's my whiskys s-A-r?'
"Did you give him his whisky. Jim?'
"Hal ha hal give him his whisky? We
had arrived at the next station by this time
and assuring our friend We would mako II oil