Nashville patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1858-1860, 1858-12-08
a kicking story.

very handsome friend of ours, who a few
weeks ago was poked out Of comfortable
Office up the river. has betaken himself to
Bangor for time to recover from the wound
inflicted upon his feelings by our "'uuprinci-
pied and immolating administration"
Change of air must have had an instant
effect upon his spirits, for, from Galena he
writes us an amusing letter. which. among
other things, tells of a desperate quarrel that
took place on board of the boat between a
real live tourist and a real live Yankee set
tier. The latter trod on the toes of the
former. whereupon the former threatened to
"'kick ont of the cabin the latter. F,fs~)
"You'll kick me out of this cabing?"
eyes, sir, I'll kick you out of this cahinn'
you'll kick me, Mr.. Hitchcock, out of this
cabing?" igps = f-r-aff
.Yes, sir, I'll kick you, Mr.. Hitchcock"
"Well 1 guess" said the Yankee, very
coolly, after being perfectly satisfied that it
[ was himself that stood in such Imminent
danger of assault ~ guess, since you talk of
of kicking, you've never heard me tell about
old Bradley and my mare to HUMP sN
''NO. sir, nor do l wish
avail guess it won't set you back much.
any how, as kicking's generally best to be
considered on. You see old Bradley is one
of those sanctimonious, long-faced hypocrities,
who put on religious suit every Sabbath
day morning, and with good deal of screw
ing, manages to keep it on till after sermon
in the afternoon; and as was a Universalist.
he alters picked me out as subject for reli-
gious conversatiOn-and the darned bypocrite
would talk about heaven. hell and the devil
the crucifixion and prayer, without ever
winking. Wall he had an old roam mare
that would jump over any fourteen rail fence
in Illinois. aud open any door in my barn
that hadn't paddock on it. Tu or three
times | found her in my stable. and told Brad
lev about it, and he was very sOrry-an
unruly animal-would watch her'-and a
hull lot of such things; all said in a serious
manner, with a face twice as long as old
deacon Farrar's on sacrament day.
knew, all the time, he was lying, and so
I watched him and his old roam tu; and for
three nights regular, old roam came to my
stable about bed time, and just at daylight
Bradley would come. bride her and ride off.
l then just took my old mare down to a
black-smIth's shop, and had some shoes made
with corks about four inches long, and had
'em nailed on her hind feet. Your heels.
mister, amt nu;hin' to 'em. l took her
hum-give her abont ten feet halter, tied her
right in the centre of the stable, fed her well
with oats at O'Clock, aud after taking a
good smoke, went to bed, knowing that my
old mare was truth-telling animal, and that
she'd give coed report of herself in the
morning.
hadn't got fairly asleep before the old
woman hunched me, and wanted to know
what on airth was the matter out at the stable.
So says /, go to sleep, Peggy. it's nothing
but kate-she's kicking off flies, 1 guess
Purity soon she hunched me again, and says
she. Mr.. Hitchcock, du get up and see what
in the world is the matter of Kate, for she is
kicking most powerfully
Lay still, Peggy, Kate will take care of
herself, guess
Well, the next morning, about daylight,
Bradley, with bride in hand, cum to the
stable, and true as the book of Genesis, when
he saw the old roan's sides, starn and head.
he cursed and swOre worse than you did,
mister when came down on your toes After
breakfast that morning, Joe Davis cum down
to my house. and SAYS he
'Bradley's old roam is nearly dead-she's
cut all to pieces, and can scarcely move
Il want to know say l, how on airth did
it happen'
Now, Joe was a member of the same church
with Bradley, and whilst we were talking,
up cum the everlasting hypocrite, and says
he,
My old roam is ruinedr
'Du telli' says /.
She is cut all to pieces says he: do you
know whether she was in your table, Mr..
Hitchcock, last night?'
Wall, mister, with this l let ont: DO |
k1OU it?'-(the Yankee here. in illustration,
made sudden advance upon the dandy, who
made way for him. unconsciously, as it were.)
Do | know ii. you no-souled, ad-bclied,
squash headed old night owl, you!-you hay
hookin,' cOrn-cribbin,' cent-shaven,' within
you!-Kate kicks like dumb
beast, but have reduced the thing to sci
encer "
he Yankee had not ceased to advance,
nor the dandy, in his establishment, to retreat:
and now the motion of the latter being ac-
by the apparent demonstration on
the part of the former to suit the action TO
the word, he found himselfin the social hail. !
backwards over pile of baggage,
tearing the knees of his pants he scram-
bled up, and perfect scream of laughter
him from all sides. The defeat was
total. In few moments afterward he was
seen Juggling his own trunk ashore, while
Mr. Hitchcock finished his story on the boiler
deck.