Cleveland morning leader. [volume] (Cleveland [Ohio]) 1854-1865, 1858-09-29
MY WIFE AND 1.

lC0fsctudcd-l
She fully agrees with me when lecture our
young female friends on the eKtravagance Cfthe
age, although she contends that the men are as
much to blame for it as the women OF course
never assent to this position; and that leads
to friendly Argument from which, in my own
opinion l always gain the advantage-thoughI l
must confess that l am occasionally overcome
by a torrent of words, especially when some
friendly neighbOr espOuses my wife's side of
the question. In such cases beat hasty re-
treat, and watch my opportunity for new at
tack upon the position of the enemy under
more favorable auspices.
Nv wife detests tiounees, (she is too stout to
wear them,) has no hsnkering after ''mOire an
tique," and only knows Of "Honton" by having
seen it mentioned in our daily paper. TO be
sure she doesn't believe all the criticisms upon
the fashions which she sees in that paper, and
she even goes so far as to say that she has no
idea that the editor himself believes them. l
think she is hardly just to the editor-a very
clever fellow BY the way, who never NEEDLES
with anything but politics, except ChuIch mat
tiers, ladies' dresses and fsh-and who never
gets into trouble as long as he sticks to poll
tics and fish.
But 10 return " the BLACK siIk droSs. Soras
years ago Il don't care to remember how many,l
under the influence of an excess of affection and
a delusion in regard to NY financial prospects,
had made rash promise to purchase such an
article for her especial use and adornmeni; but
had coupled the promise with the important pro-
yiso, .sometime" We had previously can
vassed the relative merits of calicOes eashmeres,
silks and satins, and had decided that one good
silk dress was worth half dozen Of any Of the
others, not only for its present purposes, but as
being more available in its later stages for the
decoration of the young sciOns Of our house,
and sly hint was thrown out that a spare
"breadth" out the skirt might be very useful IN
relaeing any coat of mine that might stand in
need of that operation. Tee sometime" before
alluded to has not vet arrived, and from pres
ent appearances, il is as far eff as when the
promise was made Still it fingers in my
wifes memory, and she occasionally brings II
to my mind among, I fear, many other unfllfIl-
ed promises.
''ln regard to the dress, YOU may depend upon
having il sometime but the treasures Of which
/ was speaking are not exactly available for
that purpose at present" l replied "but can
easily convince you that We are possessed of
them Are there not seven rosy checked cher
ubs lat least you cal them so when they are
not in nisehief,) now sleeping in happy uncOn-
sciousness of money and its attendant evils,
each one of them worth its weight in gold =
I've heard you say many time. Now at a
moderate estimate they will average fifty pounds
4 piece. Even California gold Is worth two
hundred dollars ] pound. So we have three
hundred and fifty pounds of cherubs at two
hundred dollars a pound, which according TO
simple multiplication, makes seventy thousand
dollars worth of those little heavenly bodies
alone"
'.NOnsense, Persy."
"Oh bft it isn't nonsense There It is no.
ured according TO your own estimate, end very
pretty little sum 1t makes to begi the world
with. Now, my dear, what is my love ~
This was poser. My wife looked up in a
haze of blank astOnishment as her mind grasp
ed the idea, and l trembled for fear she might
say nothing" and thus overturn the whole
ground work Of my theory. But as soon as she
had swallowed the idea and mentally digested
it, she replied
why don't you ask me what the air is
worth flor ] could dispense with one as well as
/ the other"
thanked my wife for the compliment, and
congratulated myself that she had drawn no
worse comparison between my love and the air;
and continued
Well then, what DO you consider the air
worth !"
Il shan't answer any such foolish question,
for, if you 60 on with your calculations, you'll
make US millionaires."
"Thats what l intend to do; and think /
am safe IN putting down the love at a hundred
thousand Then there is my honor, which Is
worth at least as much as the love"
I've no doubt of it" interrupted my wife.
"For you wou dn't value the one without the
other So there you have the sum total Of
three items alone-eherubs seventy thousand ;
love q hundred thousand, and honor as much
more, making the snug sum of more than !
quarter of a million Of dollars, 10 say nothing
of other items that might be mentioned, and
which would perhaps double the amount, be-
sides cash on hand amounting to one dollar and
seventeen cents"
paused for my wife to appreciate the full
force Of my reasoning, (she is a little slow at
| figures and when she had time TO turn the
whole subject in her mind, | asked;
What have you to say to thati'
All have 10 say to that" replied my
wife, is, l wouldn't advise you to set up a
carriage on the strength of your property
| And If thought were worth a quarter of
that sum, / wouldn't mend such looking
stocking as this" Saying which, she held
up the stocking Of our eldest girl, minus the
heel and two thirds Of the toe, with large
rent near the top of the leg. "And then
look at that, and that, and that" she eontin-
ued, as sne successfully presented lor lnspec-
ton the various articles which constituted the
juvenile wardrobe; and must confess that
seen throuRh that medium, my imposing array
of figures seemed scarcely large enough to fill
ose of the smallest rents among the multi
tude- Still l iondly hope that my calcula-
tions had a tendency to raise my wile's spir-
its, and I was unwilling that she should sink
back into that slough Of darning-needes and
yarn So continued the subject:
"ClOthes, my dear, especially IN the case Of
the children, are a mere matter Of form, blind
adherance to the customs Of society. If 1t cost
more to wear shTeds and patches than whole
/ garments-if rents and rips could be rendered
fashionable, all the world would be cut at the
elbows. But though society turns up its nose
at last years fashions-though love looks as
kance at seedy lover, and even the Church
puts its ban on the threadbars coat you and /
can jog on our way regardless Of frowns and
favOrs, conscious Of that hidden treasure which
gHds and brightens our earthly existence"
And then, again, compare our condition with
thai Of our first parents, when they had notice
TO quit from the Great Landlord, and INST com
menced housekeeping on their own aeeOuHt-