Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1858-01-21
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From the Spirit of the Age.
AN ADDRESS.

on Me ooh Of SURRENDER.
DELECTABLE AND SUPEREFFEMINATE
HEARERS, :-''Lend me your ears" for the
short space of no time at all most hardly, and
I'll expatiate, substantiate, equvocate, pre-
varicate and expluvicatc my ides right down
on your caputS as 'thick as brickbats on
meetin' house. in prose and rymes about
matters, things and curious times. [ appear
before you the very quiutessence of good hu-
NOR and happiness. I'm as mild as do
mesticated giraffe, and harmless as thun-
der-storm before bray dcak.' I'm the indi-
vidual that superobstructed the extremity of
the North Pole with my old hat, to prevent
the winds from escaping and congealing your
liberality My great, great Grandmother
says that I'm degenerated from old Vulcan,
who confabricates fire and loveander way
down in the lowest pits of - Mount Ee-
suvious, and blows it out to warm the folks
of Constantinople, the capital Of the Lillipu-
tians. I've got my broughten up in various
places, but the most painful place | ever
was brought up to was the whippin' post. |
aint got over it yet My edifcation and lar
min, like myself, has been most wcfully neg
lected, therefore l didu't rise before this
contagious confugration, to explofcuate in
the hyporastical language of a Milton, or in
the soul-shivering, gizzard-tickling strains
Of a Washington, but in the melliious exco-
riations of Demosthenes when exploding
simultaneously on the William Mot Proviso
Bill.
Idc like very much to address your ex-
temporaneously, but as I'm just getting a.
bout from hard shake of the delirium tre-
mendously, I'll spoke rather outrageously.-
Excuse this little circumlocury phraseology
concerning myself, and I'll proceed to cuss
and discuss my subject somewhat philoso6-
cally, categorically, dramatically, POLITICALLY,
logically, metaphysically, alphabetically, ny
periodically, hyper6labustically, and to the
best of hyperability. What I'm agoing to
speak about I'll allude to fore l get through.
O. that my pen were dipped in the dyes of
the rainbow-plucked from the wings of
some turkey-buzzard soaring aloft in some
atmospherical atmosphere, that might ex-
plainly all superfistcuities, from Mathemat
les and Geometricks up to these big polly
ticks; then down to the reason why a tad
poles tail drops off when he turns to hop
pin animal yulgarly called b-cattle frog
o, how my cogebontive cogebontation is
cogebonti6ed when / think of Old Buck s
big kingdom. This is monstrous country,
sartin; and we can lick the man that says it
ain't-kase nobody's gwine to say so. Hav-
7 ent we the largest mountains, the tallest
rivers, the fattest horses and the fastest wo-
men of any people this side of sundown p
We are the very bifuslicated old Harry to
fight, too. We whipped old England and
Great Britain toe, time of the Revolutionary
war then the skinfint Mexcaus insulted
Uncle Sans ignifcation-hc became blue
tone6ed-sent Old Rough and Ready on a
Biographical telegraph Electrified with lectri-
flying lectricity-he swan the Rio Grandad-
dy and marched around the Syllabus of
Buenner Vister and lit over on the Mexicans
like thousand of bricks. What you reck-
en- he done when he got thar? Why he jist
simply, accidentally somehow or other on
purpose whacked off Sanity Anny's leg, "and
as he plucked the cursed steel away San
Jehoakim how the Mexicans did ruu,-and
if General Scott hadn't been eating his soup
wouldn' have left piece of EN- big as the
white of nigger's eye. If Old Nebicanez-
ger and Bigbelzebug was dead, we could
whip all creation afore breakfast and the
rest of mankind remediately afterwards. If
that amt so, you can take my moustache for
chintz pasture.
You may ask why We are such tarnation
fellers to fight answer in the language of
Byron:
'Bekase we stick to each other through thick and
thin,
Like lean tick to nigger's shin
We have had some circumferostical times,
sartain. You all do recognaciate the hypo-
crastical time when the wheelbarrow Of this
magnetical Republican got scared at Uncle
Toms Cabin of-broke the axle tree
against secession, and somethin' were gwyne
to bust, if Daniel Webster hadn't grabbed
the wheel, and cried out in coulugiastic
tones of thunder, Wo you tarqal long cared
critter you, Wo. Onions now, and forever,
one and insuherable. Wasn't he hyper
dondronical fellow.
Some folks say the Britishers can whip us
on the waters If was President, I'll
tell you what would do-I'de stop up the
Muddissyppy River, and cut a canal right
homologus through the Atlantic sea, and
drain it all into daddy's mill dam, and I'll
pond if we wouldn't have 'em then d
bo no water for 'em to fought on-Law Mas
sy. Wouldn't we catch lots of fish p
Then where the ocean use to was, Tide plant
in Irish taters and punkius. That's what |
call internal Imprudence.' don't believe
in these Internal Imprudences and particu-
larly these Eternal ones, sich as sons of temp
tation. They takes away mans abilities
they say we should not drink good liquor
its our worst enemy. Thunder and concobs
Why we is commanded to love our enemies,
and I 60 in for just pouring it down. There's
another tribe of imprudence | don't like,
and that are these Internal 0nes,-sich as
steam gines run by railroad gines-l rid on
one once, and the way it did blow! l felt