Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1858-02-08
local oorrespondence ef the IntelIigeucer.I
BETHANY COLLEGE, Feb. 6, 1858.
- EzJ;Eo,... Carayol ,-eeks have elnDSed

When YOU have become fully acquainted with
the f;lcts which caused the delay, you will for
give, and know, deeply sympathize with your
unfortunate correspondent. But should you
not. your hearts would certainly be harder than
the hardest adamant which so profusely stud
our surrounding hills.
You will say at once, if had called upon
YOU at your sanctum, you would have given me
a few items, had a rehearsal, and been prepared
for "scenes most dreadful" But that's neither
here nor there, since it is too late, and have
learned, by sad experience, what long years OF
diligent study would have failed to teach me- l
have vowed never to be caught in another such
scrape, and to assure you that my memory Will
be very. tenacious of this promise, have
gentle reminder every time peer into my mir
rOr.
You are anxious to know what this ''catas-
trophe most dire" Quotation from Bethany
POicE) was, so / will at one let you into the Sc
cret. We had "holidays" as usual, during
Christmas and New Year. Some OF ''us' took
advantage of this and struck out for home,
while others, that is, your correspondent, hay
ing more refined taste, cultivated since read
ing Life Among the Upper Ten" jumped on
the cars-and was in the city. had scarcely
entered the car, when the conductor cried out
in tones like distant thunder, Cit-dh! How we
got there, aIn'unable to inform you. To COM
pare our speed to fOrked lightning would throw
the latter greatly in the shade, and would tend
to lower it from the present high position which
it obtains in the eyes of scientific men. How
ever, you will have faint idea of our speed
when tell you, that the electricity generated
by the friction of our bodies passing so rapidly
through the atmosphere was so great, that up
on my going to barber shop, Immediately af-
ter our arrival, that was directly under a tele
graph Office, the barber, in attempting to pass a
steel-toothed comb through my hair, was so
greatly shocked, that in throwing his hand out
it struck wire connected with the main line,
and the operator at the next Office thought his
city brother was "taknig holidays" as after
wards learned.
had scarcely reached the hotel, when my
friend Virgins, who had been expecting me,
called with the information that his friend Snobs
was to give draining room that evening, and
was respectfully invited to attend" As he
was in hurry and would call again in the
course of the afternoon, had not time to in-
quire whether it was to be drawn after the man
ner of "Mevin's Gift Book Enterprise" or 81.
D. Sine's FOrtieth Mammoth Lottery" How
ever, was greatly unpreparcd for the dazzling
sights which met my be%idered gaze as was
introduced into assumptions parlor, superbly
decorated with beauty and elegance.
There were ladies in the shape of hogsheads,
ladies in the shape of balloons, and ladies with
no definite shapes. Low necked dresses aud
dresses with no necks at all. There were also
mustaches, and the bands of gentlemen'S under
dandifed appendages in the shape of men,
Other strange looking persons were present,
with large white capes turned over their Shout
derS. These, | presume, belonged to the fire
department, and went prepared for any cmer-
gency. If | am mistaken in my conjectures [
hum6ly beg pardon of the gentlemen compris-
ing this most useful institution.
During my brief stay. was entertained by a
little degenerate daughter of mother Eve, who
certainly inherited very large share of that
ancient lady'S reputed inquisitivencSs, and
whose amiable smiles were as seductive as
those of Cleopatra. Champaign and wit had
flown freely for some time, when upon casting
my eyes across the room | noticed huge eX-
pansion, which | supposed to be lady, being
conducted to the piano. My superstition was
verified upon seeing the keys of the instrument
in motion and hearing slight sounds greatly re-
sembling the squeaks of small porcine trying
to get its corpus through a three inch hole
The sQueakS gradually Increased. From my
position could see that the lady was sitting
very uncomfortably. She kept moving her feet
and was i'll at case. Upon a closer view,
| saw that some one on the opposite
opposite side of the piano was poking her on
the toes with cane. My blood began to boil
in moment Another glass of champagne,
another sigh, and was ready to pitch into the
fellow. Just at that. moment the cane came
down with terrible force, the lady threw back
her head, gave Shrek like the crashing of dis
tant thunder,ss and was fainting, i thought. /
could stand itno longer; grasped pitcher, rush
ed to her side, dashed its contents IN her face.
and made at the william who had the cane.
would ,fain let the curtain fall just here, but
fell myself with innumerable varigated stars fit
ting before my bewidered vision. In moment
was on my feet, when three revolvers, two
bowie knives and huge fist was displayed to my
eager gaze. was Immediately conducted to
the door, and shortly after was in charge of a
friendly person who wore star on his breast.
/ presume the condition was in caused me to
give very ndistinct directions as to the locality
of my hete, and by mistake he conducted me
to one which had very hard beds, and rather a
gruif fellow for clerk to suit my notions, who
'drew" five dollars out of me for my nights
lodging.
The next evening, without waiting for my
friend Virgins to call, was onmy way home,
in company with two black eyes and a swollen
prohoscis,s wearing eternal vengeance against
everything pertaining to the city, and moro par
ticularly, drawing rooms" Decayed fruit has
commanded good prices for the last four weeks,
so you will perceive at once, that in conse-
quence Of the necessity of the application Of
such remedies to certain portions of the physi-
ognomy, has entirely precIuded the possibility
of an earlier epistle.
Since my return, have examined piano
and find that l was mistaken in charging the
lor