The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1858-05-26

element, SO we nau some Lager 1or the
fishes TO swim in-then we had come bret
zels; Damphool said the bretzes were so
crooked they would not pack close, SO we
had some Lager to fill up the chinks-
then l made speech to the company
ebert but very much to the point, and re-
ceived with applause-it was addressed
to the whole crowd and was in this effect
Gentlemen, let's have some Lager
By this time my friend had, by some
mysterious process, become mysteriously
multiplied, and there were fifty Damphools
and they all accepted the invitation, and
we had the Lager-there were forty glas-
ses, and in trying to make the circuit of
the room aud touch my glass to every one
of theirs, fell over table which very inn
pertinently stepped before me-and as [
went down / knocked a small Dutchman
into the corner, then fell over him, then
partially recovered myself and sat on his
head, then 1 got up and stepped on his
stomach-then demanded an instant apo
logy--thenI called for six glasses Of Lager
and when the girl brought them all in one
hand, tried to take them all in one hand
but | broke three-then / tried to drink
out of the remaining three all at once, and
in 80 doing took an involuntary shower
bath--then tried to pay for the whole ft-
ty glasses and the damage with dime
and Spanish quarter, and demanded that
he should give me my change in gold dol
lars-there seemed to be some.little diff
Guilty about this, and if hadn't known
that Lager isn't Intoxicating, | should have
thought the man was drunk was on the
point of calling in policeman to arrest
him for swindling, when Dsmphool came
and explained the matter, and his thick
head at last comprehended that | was
right.
Little tamborine girl came along and
wanted money for man who was perform
ing with great deal Of skill on crank
outside-felt generous and tried to put
Damphool into the tamborine under the
impression that he was half dolor-fnal-
ly presented the little girl with my COM
pliments, two cigars and a penny, with
which she went off satisfied.
Then | thought d make love to prct-
ty girl who had just brought me glass of
Lager, Ia beverage prevalent in that vicin-
ity, and which does not possess any intox-
icating power,) SO l pressed to my heart
for two minutes what supposed to be her
hand, and didn't find out that it was her
petti-coat until tried to kiss it, and got
my mouth full of WOODEN yarn-looked at
pretty girl with Indignation, and asked her
what she meant by such conduct-then |
had mug of Lager Ia liquid which does
not intoxicate, aud which is much used by
| tne Oerinau Popuia'ion'
Then the music struck up, when | saw
the fellows with the crooked brass horns
up to their mouths l thought they we're
drinking some kind of beer that / hadn't
had any of, so snatched the trombone
aud ordered the girl to fill it up again and
bring it to me immediately-then | volun.
teered song-the company all kept ST.
lence in order to hear rue, and / began to
whistle Old Dog Tray with intervals of
five minutes between the notes-then l
had glass of Lager IA kind of beer much
fancied by the forcing element of our city
aud which does not intoxicate,) and | fear
I abused the waiter because he didn't bring
me gravy on it-then l had another, into
which poured vinegar, mustard and fine
cut tobacco, under the deusion that l was
making brandy punch-then l remem-
bered that had resolved not to drink any
thing that would intoxicats, SO l heroic
ally threw my brandy punch into the fire,
and called for glass of Lager, Ia drink
which the early Teutons introduced into
this country and which does not into1i-
cate.)
Then the music struck up again and |
wanted the alligator to waltz-alligator
refused to speak to me-thought I'd take
off my coat and whip alligator into decency
but as l was trying to accomplish this en-
terprise, l lost my balance and sat down
in plate of ham and mustard belonging
to fierce German, whom instantly seized
by the moustache, whereupon he knocked
me dswn-resolved that I'd kill fierce g err
man Immediately, aud explained to him al
length that if he'd let me get up I'd cui
his head off with an oyster knife-then
Dampool came and paci6ed me, and took
the fierce German away-got up and had
some Lager, the whole of which l poured
into my bosom as was trying to explain
to the bystanders that Lager ia pleasant