Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-07-14
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

The most dangerous ship that
man ever embarked in, is said to be
courtship
Why are hoops like an obstinate
man? Because they often stand out
about trifes.
"A kiss. SAYS French lady, costs
less and gratifies more than anything
in existence.
Which can smell rat the quickest
the man who knows the most, or the
man who has the most nose.
TO get rid of Spanish coin at full
value: Drop it into the contribution
box at church as it passes around.
-Sapiens, being challenged, coolly
replied: "Any fool may give a chal-
lenge, but it needs two fools to fight"
Why is female of the canine spe-
cies, sucking her whelps, like philo-
sophie principal? Because she is a
dogma (t7og-nea.)
A village girl, after giving her low
er hearty smack, exclaimed s'Dog
my cat, if you hain't been taking a lit
tie rye, old boss"
-"Do you snore Jack?" ssNo, nev-
er." GLOW do you know?" Because
t'other day lay awake the whole
night on purpose to see"
An intimate friend ofours SAYS that
when Shakespeare wrote-"Oh! what
a fall was there, my countrymen,' he
had prophetic eye to the fall of 1857.
"A wag, speaking ofthe embarka-
ton troops, said: Notwithstanding
many Of them leave blooming wives
behind, they 60 away in transports.
q say, Mick, what sort ofpotatoes
are those you are planting?" s'Raw
ones, to be sure-your honor wouldn't
be thinking that would plant boiled
ones.''
-"Ain't it wicked to rob dis chick.
en roost Dick?' "Dats a great moral
question, Gumbo; we haint time to
argue it now; hand me down another
pullet."
An English paper says, there is a
Quaker down at Manchester, who is
such an advocate for peace that he viii
not have clock in his house. because
it strikes.
-"Here's Webster on a bridge"
said Mrs. Partington, as she handed
Ike the dictionary. ''Study it conten-
lively and you will gain a great deal of
inflammation. ....
-"Nonchalant'' means that peculiar
Indifferent lock which is put on by men
'who never pay" when dunned for
money. It should be written isnone-
shell-out"
An old fellow being asked one day
if he had any treasures laid up in heav-
en-, replied with a doleful look. s'Saf-
tin, sartin, guess they must be there
if anywhere-1 hain't got none laid up
at hope."
An old blacksmith by the name Of
Sleage, on being asked what had be-
come Of his ''darter Jane" replied that
the ''darned critter got wedding heat
on her last week, and went away and
got married"
"A conscientious person affirmed
that he opce in his life beheld people
''minding their own business" This
remarkable occurrence happened at
sea, the passengers being ''too sick" to
attend to each others concerns.
A TASTE OF MARRIAGE.-A gentle
man described to Jerroid the bride Of
mutual friend 'Why, he is six feet
high, and she is the shortest women
ever saw. What taste, eh?''
"Ay," Jerrold replied, "and only
taste
Peter Piper's peacock pecked
peck Of pepper out Of a pewter platter.
If Peter Piper's peacock pecked peck
OF pepper out Of pewter platter where
is the peck Of peppers that Peter Pi-
per's peacock pecked? Repeat this
three times rapidly, if you can.
Go it, Bobtail, he's gaining on
you,' is now rendered thus classically:
proceed Roberts extremity, the gen
tleman in the rear is approximating to
an inconTenient vicinity to the longitu-
dinal appendage which subtends the
lower extensions Of your caudal elon-
CATION"
Tell me, ye winged winds that
round my pathway roar, do ye not
know some quiet spot where hoops are
worn no more? Some lone and silent
dell, some island or some cave, where
women can walk three abreast along
the village pave? The loud winds hiss
cd around my face, and spickeripg an
sWered, mary place"
-''Prisoner, stand up! Mr.. Kettles,
this Court is under the painful necessi-
ty of passing sentence Of the law UPON
you, sir. This Court has no doubt. Mr..
Kettles, but what you were brought in
to this scrape by the use ofintoxicating
liquor. The friends Of this Court kzao,rs
that ef thar is any vice this court ab-
hors, it is intemperance When the
Court was young man, Mr.. Kettles.