Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1858-04-15
a Race with n Widow.

| Mercl1ul JenOSOpHal u anu UlS OuIOuS;
what time I've had with that widder.
We chartered an omnibus for two on
Christmas, and started; "Widder,
said 1, 'where shall we go TOP" She
blushed, and said she didn't like to say.
I told her she mutt say.
"Well, Jehuel, if you insist upon it,
and I am to have my choice, I'd rather
go to church"
"What for, widder p said I.
"Oh, Jehuel, how can you ask me?''
"Cause want to know, said 1.
"Well, Cblushing, redder than beet)
it is such cold weather now, and the
nights are so awful cold, and-oh,
Jehuel, I can't stand it p
"Oh, pshaw, widdcr, spit it out; what
do you mean? ?"
The widder riled; she billed right over:
like quart of milk on the fire, and
burst out with
eff you can't understand me, you're
heartless brute, SO you are"
"Hold your horses !" said 1. "What's
all this about? I'm not brute, nor
never was; and if man called me that
I'd boot him, sure"
And then 1 billed right over, and un-
buttoned my coat collar to keep me from
Dustin off my buttons. The widder
saw that was going to explode, or else
collapse my windwipe, and she flung
her arms around my neck, put her lips
to mine, and cooled right down.
"Jehuel, dear ~ said she, in an insin-
ivatin' way, and voice as sweet as
hand organ, "Jehuel, honey, I want to
go to church to getmar--no l can t
say it all; you finish the word, Jehuel,
sweet"
"What word, marin? p
cob you stupid; Jehuel dear, 1 mean
the word married, love-"
Married, widder!'' said 1; did you
mean that?"
Indeed L did, Jchuel, love y
''Look here, marin, my name isn't
Jehuel Love, nor Jehuel Dear, nor Je-
huel Sweet, I'd have you now; and 1
won't get married to nobody but one,
and you are not the She"
''Oh, pewter pennies, but didn't she
rave She made one dash at me, L
lodged, and she went butt up against
the upper end of the omnibus. Crack
went her comb, and smash went that
bran new bonnet that didn't buy for
her, and down she ntlwith her face
in the straw. But in moment she
arose again, and made one more dash at
me. l dropped-she went over me and
butted the door of the omnibus. The
strap broke and out she went-her gait
er boots higher than her head as she
struck the pavement.
Drive on T. yelled to the driver.
w oman overheard - cried passing
sailor.
Stop that White Cvat-breach of
promise reward-Herald - publish" r"
shrieked the widder, in tone of mortal
agony, while tears of blood streamed
from her pug nose.
"Drive on drive on ~ I shouted.
'' here to p asked the driver.
ITO the devil-to Harlem-to Ma
combs Dam anywhere, SO that we escape
coatrimony and the widder.''
He started, so did the wilder, and
then we had it up the avenue, the buss
having the start of about hundred
yards. Foot by foot the widder gained.
Thinks I, Jehuel, you are goner. I
thought it best to tighten ship. So first
1 hove overheard the straw.
Still she gained on me. Then over
board went the cushions. But still she
gained.
"More steam, driver, for mercy's sake!'
1 yelled.
ave are going faster than the law al
lows now," he answered. Thirteen
miles an hour
Jehosephat, how the widow run; she
hove off her bonnet and came up hand
| bon1 mo opd
so off my white coat and flung it right
down in her path. She sprang on it like
she panther, ,and tore it to pieces. Oh,
how they flew. l wept to see it go, but
life is sweeter than a coat, and my tailor
is making me a new one. Here we
gained full two hundred yards but on
she came again. Once more could see
the green in her eJes-merciful Moses
how felt.
"Driver," said I, ekill them horses OF
get another mile out of them
"Will you pay for emp he said.
EYES,, yes" said l, "only save mt
from the widder."
By cracky, we did slide; the widow nc
longer gained, but she held her own
beautifully. Thus we had it-out pas
the Red Hose-through Harlem-where
Capt. Graham, with three mounted po
licemen in vain attempted to catch US
he probably supposing that we were
running away with some bank fund.
My only hope was in reaching De
garots ahead of her, for knew they
would hide me. We were on the bridge
and oh, Moses, the draw was up
and sloop going through. Driver,
ySlu vour fortune for ife sure ure as your ar
born"
"I'll do it or die p he cried. And h,
did it. The widow jumped after US, fel
into the Harlem river, and hasn't beer
, heard of since.
"T1ke care" recommended father t,
t his children, "when you find yourself il
Al- e n