Smyrna times., 1858-05-20
WHOLE NO., 1913.

htln', and how he kin lick creation. Gen.tiL-
men, jim kin out brag and out lie any man
: ever seed but you jest ask him bout that ar
; hte he fout down in Granby's Lane, and you'll
see how quick he'll drap his tall
How, Jonce, did he get trashedr
wal, dunno what you called thrashed but
oi' Mr.. Townly, who cum up when the fte was
most Tout cut, told me that Jim had got the
durndest licking that he ever seed human Git.
JIM kep his bed for ten days after it, and W hen
ne riz his face war of as many colors as my old
oman's quilt. I'll be dodrotted eff it warn't.
Tell us all about it, Jonce.'
But TINS Jonce positively refused to do. If
we wanted to hear it, he declared we must get
1t out OF Jim himself We was lawyers. and
ct we couldn't draw Jim out, we wasn't worth
nothing. lie wanted to hev it too, and burned
ct he wouldn't be thar
There was pretty full attendance of the bar
that night, and jim was in his glory.
After supper, when we were all seated around
The ample hearth, Jim, as Jonce had prophe-
sIcd' dd commence like Othello, to speak of
his battles, braveIy, hardly fought he went a
ravin and tarn' to his hearts content. and
thrre was no cad to the victories he had Gained
We listened III revercntlaI silence, until. at n
pause IN the narrltlO., Lawless asked him if he
had ever been whipped
No, Stree! Thar amt the man lyin' as kin
do IT, neither
Never, jim! Now thiuk-if you were in
the witness box, would you swear you never
were whipped ?
Wal, never have been, but cum mighty
nIgh onto II Once-I did,
How was It !! Tell US, Jim
Wal, I'll tell you all about it but dod rot
my SKIN q don' lick the tust man as pokes
iuh at me about 1t now see eff don't
If 4
would ever try 50 dangerous an experiment, and
were thcreupnn enlightened as to the circum-
stances winch transplred when Jim Calm come
so nigh onto getting licked
Nm eny one Of you gentlemen favor me
with see gar! I'm obliged to you, Mr. Brcf.
less. wal, the way Of It war this Last Au-
gust year AGO, hitched up my mar to 90
over to Mr.. EIlotis. He'd promised me some
new'fashoned turnip seed he had, which he
SAID would bring powerful big turnips Twas
one OF the ll-iredest hottest afternoons Won
ever seed; burned eff don't think 'twould
melted the horns of'n billy goat Wal, the
sun war pretty toler'by high, and wos dri-
wing SOW kinder, through Granny's Lane, the
shady side, when her cum teller up front of
me, IN buggy, too, an he, too war on the
shady side OF the Lane | druv on. calc'latin,
he would turn out; but he druv' on too tell the
hosses' noses fetched. and then we stopped and
looked at each other like. He WIS little wirv
teller, made up suthin' like Mr. Brefless thar.
an didn't look like he had any fte in him no
morn'n a flea. So we looked at each other a
spell longer, and then | sez, sez |:
Cum. arn't you gWlne to turn out!
ou be durnrd! scz he right away. Turn
ont Yourself I'm on the right side of the road.
and I'll he drntted efI'lI 90 onto the sunny side
for such as your
Wen soon see bout that, old hoss = sez I,
and then we both on US Jumped out onto the
road
Il walked up to his hoss and had tux hold of
The brIdie-reIn to turn hun out, when ne let
lr'Ne. and hit me the most tremeniousest Eck
rlgHt mere under The eve you ever hearn tell
On. never had enythlng to hurt me so DOW
erIuI bad sens daddy used to lick me. Alter
lhat' soon as he had hit me, he pitched into me,
an we had the most ortullcst fite, rite thar in
that ar lane as ever war tout. We must a font
for hour an hat- an the ground about thar
looked like 1t had been a stomping- g-ground for
cattle the last sIX months; twas powerful tore
up tell you. AT last found myself LAWN
h2t o my back in the ditch on one side of the
lane, an the teler atop o. me. He had his
Knees on both my arms, an couldn't stir a
peg. had his thum' in my mouth, but was
ltrald 10 chaw it, for ev'ry time tried il he pin
me slch tremendous llcks long side my head as
maze me see more stars than ever war in hea.
ven. lie had the devil in his eyes big as a
meeting -houSe, and evry time he hit me he'd
IoHer OUT, Amt yer got enutf yit !-An't yer
|oI ehuH W al tell you that riled me, but
twas case; | calc'lated 'twar no use to lie
har and be beat to deth an war lest g'wine
o squal, when who should ride up but old MIR.
tOwnIy-you know old Mr. Townly as plants
IN the river wal, hm and his overseer, and
nat big son u'hs'n, Caleb. Old Mr.. Townlv
I'D up. aud he scz seq he
Hello here, boys what's the fte about!'
w al, couldn't answer for the feler's thumb
nmy mouth, and he couldn't answer, but kept
N IIckin it onto me. So Caleb and the over
eer they pitched in and dragged us out o. the
itch, and parted of us. The felcr then started
or his buggy looking at me and eyen of
ne all the lme' and wrapping up his thum' in =.
s'iH ha"kcher. When he got in his buggy
e rIz up aud gathered his reins, and he sez to
ne, scZ he
Now, you old red headed, eimlet.eyed, snag.
oOth son OF lacKass'-them war his words by
oily reckon you won't go spiln about the
ountry for fife again in a hurry. Clar the
'ay thar and let me pass, or I'll give you par
cklar fts!'
Wal, the sun had sot by this time, and all
ne road was shady, so thought Id run offan'
u Nun slide. lie travelled, but as he passed
'e he slowed himself round in his buggy an
rhhcu at me, an durn me eff he didn't keep
Il grimm at me tell he war clean out o'ste
Hero short pause ensued broken by cigar
nns.
Il tell you what, gents resumed Jim that
teller cum as nigh onto lickin me as any
her man insGeorgy kin; dod rot eff he didn't.
cts liquorI
There were some of us then and there who
fought that Jim could have used rather strong
language than that 'cum nigh onto being
cked; but as none of US could boast the prow-
IS OF the little wiry man of Granby's Lane, we
ia nothing, swallowed the corn juice, aud
avelled off to bed.
would. however, as friend, give you a