davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07


16rDinner WAS spread in the cabin OF
tha. peerless steamer the "New World"
and splendid company we're assembled
about the table. Among the passengers
thus prepared for gastronomic duty was u
little creature OF the genus Fop, deckod
daintily as an early butterfly, with kids Of
irreproachable whiteness, miraculous
neck tie, and spider like quizzing glass on
his nose. The delicate animal turned his
head atfectedly aside with:
"Waitah I"
"Sah 7"
"Bwing me the pwopsllah Of > fwemale
woostah I"
"Yis, sab ~
"And, waitahi tell the steward 70 wub
my plate with q vegetable wulgarly called
onion which will give delicious aavorh
to my dinnah."
While the refined exquisite was giving
bis order, = jolly western drover had lis.
tened with open mouth aud protruding
eyes. When the diminutive creature paus.
ed, he brought his FIST down upon the ia.
bic with . force that made every dish
bound, aud thundered out:
"Hers you gsul dasnsd acc Of spadesl''
"Yis, sub"
"Bring me thunderiu' big plate Of
skuak's gizzard!"
"Ssh -
"And old ink pot tuck . horse blanket
under my chin, and rub me dozen Uilh
brick6als whiIe 1 feed"
The poor dandy showsda pair Of straight
coAt-tails instan.sr, and the whole table
joined in . "trsmenjus rore."
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

p9-A travelled London lady gives the
following incident, among others, to q cir
Gle of admiring friends, On her return from
America:
81 was dinin haboard first class steam
boat OF the Hoe:ghe rirer. The gentle
man next me, on my right, was . south
erner, and the gentleman on my lef, was
northerner. Well, they gets into kind
Of discussion on the habolitiou question
when ssme 'igh words harz.
'Please to retract, sir" said the south
erEer.
"Won't do it," said the northerner.
"Pray, ma 'am," said the sou,herner
"will you ave the goodness 10 lean back
in your chair?'
with the creates. pleasure" said ], not
kno'in, what was comm. When what
does my gentleman do bu. whip out 'oss
pistil as long as my harm, ana shoots my
left and neighbor dead But that WASH,
hall! for the bullet, comm out of the left
temple, wounded lady in the side. She
huttered on 'orri6ck scream. "Pon my
word, ma 'am,' said the sou,herner, "you
needn't make so much noise ab on, it, for
did it by mistake
sand was justice done the murderer
asked horriGed listener.
Hinstantly, dear madam, answered Miss
L.. The cabin passengers Sc. right
to work ard lynched him. They 'ung i'm
in the lamp chains, right hover the dinin'
table. and then finished the dessert. But
for my part, It quite spoiled my happatite. y
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

your taste. I can make you . son and
heir, who shall BE- just twenty years old, in
fifteen minutes. Or, if you prefer two
year old baby it will only take twelve
miuutss. Would you like . bsby' Our
charge is reasonable, cir, and ten per cent
discount 10 clergymen. Will you order
son or daughter er1' -t.
(Eo answer. Mr.. Fogy is on the point
Of swooning.)
"You see the adaptation Of this machine
10 wonderful. One Of them will turn out
one hundred full-grown men in day. 1t
was BY this process We manufactured the
voters to carry the Pennsylvania election
for Buchanan last fall. We had several
machines in full blast night and day, be-
tween the State and Presidential elections
in that State. Mr.. Buchanan paid for the
sour.krout and cotton to feed our machine.
Our company would not take Mariposa
scrip, and 80 Fremont did not employ us,
and los. his election. Atchison and String.
fellow had two Of our machines at work
turning out border ruffian voters in Kan.
sas for months. But We were compelled
90 feed the machine with so much whisky,
in order to supply the border rufisns with
the necessary spirit, that the job did not
pay. We don't like such jobs. We pre-.
fer finer work. We have now in contem
plation contract with the leading demon
nations to supply them with clergy. The
Theological semiuariea fail to meet the
demand, as you see by the newspapers.
There is great deal Of clerical mourning
in the land, and We alone can comfort
these mourners. You see our scheme is
magnificent. We can make . Calvinis,
or Arminian, An orthodox or heterodox
man, as you like, by varying the compo-
nent mental aud moral material. To maze
a Calvinist we dissolve Calvin's Institute,
end DR.. G.'s Commentaries in our ma.
chine. If be is to be Ba PITS, We put in ,
volume or two Of Andrew Fullcr's work
A Methodist requires . volume Of Wes
ley's sermons and Fletches's checks. Ia
this way you see we can vary the article
to suit the market. For nice young cit.
preacher, like Mr.. Spurgeon, We put in Z
few novels, little rosewater, q decoctior
Of moonlight, and balm Of thousand
flowers We can make five hundred o.
five thousand dollar article TO order. W,
tried once to make . Henry Ward Beech
er, bu: it took SO much electricity to dis
solve Bible and Sharpe's rife, that tn
machinery blew up, and we gave it up
Now. sir, what do you think Of our plan 2
"What is the name Of your machine I?
gasped out Mr.. Fogy.
Public Sentiment, sir, Public Senti
ment! All, there goes the bell. ! hav
but thirty seconds to reach the depot.
shall be compelled to swallow streak o
lightning! You see put my mouth t
his ori6ce, and the lightning streams
down my throat. Write me by telegraph
The shock may star,le you as turn on tn
Lightning, but here goesI''
There was fash, and the agent van
ished out Of the door, and Mr.. Fogy va
left sprawling, stunned BY the explosion.
| JOHN PRoD.
*He should have applied to Mrs. Gun
| niupharm
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

py Over what earthly and heavenly
thing, does rainy day exercise the same
inauencs7 The sun and your boots; for
il takes the shine out Of them both.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

n@-In the book Of Judges it is related
that "Asher continued on the sea shore,
and abode in his 6reeches - Considering
that the daughters of Dan abode in ships
close by, nothing extraordinary is psreep-
t,blc in Ashera conduct.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

AeIt is believed that the father Of
mankind never rsproached his vie but
once for the unhappy cause Of their sx.
pulsion from Paradise sha bitterly and
recklessly replied, ~ don't care Adam y
lie never again mentioned tho subject.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

D0cAn old bachelor says, that if =
young lady had purse with two ends
silver in one, and gold in the o,her--shs
is sure to open the gold end first
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

D@-A darkey being knocked over in
thunder storm, exclaimed, on regaining .
horizontal position: "gorry. who fro dat
guni'
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

nA-A young man OF Butte county has
been squeezed nearly to death BY one of
Ruggles' presses. lie married RuGgss'
daughter.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

n6r When tho Princess Helena WAS
oorn it was told the Princess Royal that
she had got little sister. "Oh that is
delightful cried innocent little royalty;
do let mo 20 and tell mamma"
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

A."You have very striking countcu.
auce,' as the donkey said to the elephant
whom hs his him over tho back with his
trunk.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

A.Mr. u. declared shst his wife had
Eve ialls-"chst she ~as beautiful. dutitul.
youthful. plentiful and srmful !" But bis
wife pleasantly rsjoiasd, thss she had but
ono fool--hsr husband"
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

An exchange paper says that the girls
are 30 hard up for Husbands, in some part,
Of Pennsylysaia' that they sometimes TAXI
up si,k priutess aud lAsysss.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

u0-Judgc Peters being asked TO define
the captain Of . company, said, y, was
one map commanded BY hundred 9th.
sgs." ~
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07


The following story is acknowledged to
be "good un,' but we believe it has no.
found its way into the papers to any great
extent.
A few years since some rougish boys in
. town not thousand miles from the cap.
itsl Of New Hampshire, persuaded Joseph
n, or as be vas generally called
"Joe.' to attend Sunday School. Joe was
an overgrown, half. witted, profane lad; and
the boys anticipated considerable fun, but
the various questions propounded to him
were SO readily and correc.l J answered
that no one could for moment suppose
that he was not versed in theological lore.
Joe was duly ushercd in and placed on
. settee in front ofone on which his friends
we're seated, and recitation commenced
The teacher FIRST questioned the class on
their regular lessons and then turned to
Joe:
my friend, who made the world We in.
habit?"
"Ehi" said Joe turning up his eyes like
an expiring calf.
"Who made the world we inhabit?"
Just as he was probably about to answer
the question, one ofthe boys inserted a pin
into his ( Joe's pants about nine inches
below the ornamental buttons on his coat
God Almiyhty," answered Joe in an
elevated tone, at the same time rising to
bis feet.
"That is correct" replied the teacher
"but it is not necessary you should rise in
answering; sitting posture is jus. as well.
Joe was seated and the catecnis M pro-
ceeded.
"Who died to save the wosld2"
The pin was again inserted, and Jot
replied, Jesus Christi" in louder tone
than before, again rising to bis feet,
THAT is correct, but do not manifest st
much feeling; do be 3 little more reserved
iu your manner" said the teacher 10 an
expostulating tone.
After Joe had calmsd down the exami>
nat;on went on.
"What will bc the doom Of all wicke,
men3" was the subject now up for cousid
Grafton, and as the pin was again stuck in,
Joe thundered out with still higher ele
vatiou Of his body Hell and Damnation!'
my young friend, you give the tru
answers to oil the questions, but while yo
are here we wish you to be more mild i
your words. Do, if you can, restrain you
enthusiasm and give . less extended scop
to your feelings"
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

~Prentice wishes that the individual
who invented wha. was called tho paying
oas machinery for the Niagara and Aga
memnoD, would got up little machine OF
the kind to be used in the case Of every
newspaper subscriber.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

~Mrs. par,ington lately remarked to
a legal friend, "lf owes man debt,
and makes him the lawless tenant Of a
blank bill, and he infuses to incept it, but
swears out an execration and levels it up
on my body, if wouldn't make polly
wog Of him, drown me in the nuxwins
sea."
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

A-An Irishman was about to marry n
Southern girl for her property. "Will you
take this woman TO be Jour welded wifeY
said the minister. "Yis your reverence
aud the nagers too" said Pat.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

A.The last excuse for crinolins 10 that
the "weaker vessels need hopping.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

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Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

10rThc author Of the following shoule
be watched, or he nigh: back out:
4 destructive durk III 81.
III bid phArewsll to every phear,
Then wipe my wsspipgI,
And kut my throat phrom sar 70 sar.
Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07


TLs ssteosie sbo~sr tkse fsil o. sbe
siebs Of de l3tS Noveabss. 1889, sxbi
bi,ed . seeoe loae 70 Be renesbeesd b.
I'll .ho ri.o.ssed i. To lie sol;gbsessd
sod .esi-issrned Il ~ss erasd, ssfsl,
..,,,~s /; t.s 70 tLe ixssssst sod sspesssi
sisss, ossssbeiainx sud terrific.
Sseh . eosstiess sssb.s u Dsteon
nsves fell 10. she sspyrsss IL 70 shost
. scsce Of t,u.s hesors or since, the ,beos.
.es q Hsnbo,dt ssd csptain rvisiae 70
ID. eos.sssy sst.ishssssdisg.
Af.v .esks siser this srssd display of
Sr~vosks il. Frsak,;a, o. Usels jim" !"
~ h vss ,oss eessr.iIy called. vss seen
ssssDSse stss. o. ss.seiss, h;s ,o~s. er.
,ss.issss covered visb sspersbssdsso.
II ssd AssaeL Jin,s early educational
sd,.sssxes ksd Lsss ,ssy limited. Hi
isass;ss isos books 81 sehosls ~ co...
ts.essd % he acquisitions Of Sev .essis
5, . mind pst # III ieelias! /, stsdy.-
Bat - - oeosoersl IN IL vox,d. ..d b,
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Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

" - 1~s 1dsb0ss, - IseSssg 10 t6is
esssssy. - sietiss Ss~s - fbsis SDt
A6esss - sbsD. E,ssl - ~ tsbis . 1isk
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Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-07

+Hc should have applied to Mrs. Gun
ningham.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
M'ATthur Market.
MoARrHuR Sept. /, 1855.
Cincinnati Market.
CINCINNATI. An

CINCINNATI, Aug. 80.
FLOUR-The market did not present
any new features Of special Importance to-
day; there was fair local demand for choice
brands, at S4 1900 for good extra supeTline
and 50 1905 % for extra.
WHISKY-The demand was not equal to
the supply to-day, and the price declined Be
with sales OF GAS brls. al 2lR@2lBc., the
latter rate for wagon lots.
PROVISI0NS-The market dull-prices
nominal
0IL-Linseed S3c.
GROCERlES--Market remains steady,
with a fair demand. Sugar 9@94c.; Coffee
ll4@llac. for fair and good Rio.
WHEAT-The market is inactive, but
holders are not pressing sules. and prices are
without material change. White 81 To-,
| 06, and / 08. Prime Red Sl@l 03; good
Red Csc. Inrerior White 95c.
CORN--Markct firm at SOC.
BARLEY--60@62c.
RYE-A good demand and market firm
at Csc.
OATS-Prices steady at Gle.
CHEESE--Prime w. r. 7c.; Hamburg
7sc; English Dairy Sc; Norton's Pineapple
l5.c.
SEED--Clov prime, steady at S..
POTAT0ES-An improved demand, and
prices are shade higher. We now quote
15@e5c. as the price on arrival.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
AboIition or PrLvutcering.

Great Britain, France, Austria, Rus.
sia, Sardinia, Turkey and most of the
minor powers Of Europe have entered
into stipulation IN which they ac-
knowledge tue following principles:
THAT privateering is and remains
abolished; that the neutral flag covers
the cargo Of the enemy, except when
it is contrabsnd Of war; that neutral
goods, except contraband of war, are
not seizabie under the enemy's flag;
finally, that blockades, to be obligato-
ry, are to be effective--that is to say,
maintained by asufiicient force to shut
out the access of the enemy's ships
and other vessels in reality"
All those principles are sound, with
the exception Of the first, and have
been contended for hy the United
States ever since their existence as q
nation. Great Britain has always
hitherto opposed them. The United
States would also accede to the first
point If the powers having large pub,
lie navies would agree not to modest
private property in time Of war on
the ocean. Unless they agree to this
the United States can never consent
to abolish privateering, for as we
maintain no large navy, we must, o.
necessity, rely upon privateers to de,
stroy the enemy's commerce. If wal
is to be made upon private property
by public ships, privateering might as
well continue.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
SHERlFF'S SALE,

H. S. Bundy vinton County Court
vs.. Of Common Pleas
j. W. and j. Swep>ton
PY virtue ofa readi erponGS to mo directed from
I'D the Court of Common Pleas Of Vinton County
Ohio, will offer for SALE at the door ofthe Court
House in tho town of Macarthur, in the county of
Vinton, Ohio,
On the 18th day Of September, 1853,
between the hoursof 10 o'clock A. NJ. and 4 o.
clock Z. NJ. Of said day, tho following described
real estate, situated in said County of Vinton to-
wit.
In Lot No. 9l5, in the town of Macarthur, in
the county and State aforesaid. Taken as the
property Of j. W. Swepston to satisfy iudg-
ment in favor of IL. &. Bundy. Appraised at
two hundred dollars and must bring two thirds
Of that sum. Terms of sale, cash in hand
VIM. GOLD, Sheriff V. Co.
Aug. 10, 1s5s,-5w-4d5s
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
SHERIFF'S SALE.

James H. McCutchon } Vinton Co. Court
VS.. , OF Common Pleas
J. B. Wilson. ct al.
pY virtue of an execution to me directed
I'D from the Court of Common Pleas of
Vinton County, Ohio, l will offer for sale
at the door of the Court House, in the town
of Macarthur. in said county,
On the 9th day of October, 1855,
between the hours of 10 o'clock A. NJ. and 4
o'clock P. NJ, of said day, the following de-
scribed premises situate in said County of
Vinton, Ohio. to-wit.
In-Lot No 81, in the town Of Hamden,
subject 10 widows dover; levied upon as the
property of VIM. B. Wilson to satisfy a
Judgment rendered in said Court in favor Of
James H. McCutchen against ]. B. Will
son and others. Appraised at S400
WIN. GOLD,
Sheriff of Vinton Co.
Sept Q, 1858, ,-5w-3d
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02

SUMMARY PRocEEDINes.---At a
camp-meeting in Loudon County,
Va, last week, the "Committee"
seized upon one hundred and forty gal.
Ions of whisky being vended in the
vicinity, and poured it on the ground.
This unexpected spiritual manifesto.
tion took the rum.seIlers so much by
that that no resistance was
offered to the proceeding.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
G9e Mt9rtbur 4euotrat.
LOCAL DEPARTMENT.
Subscribers 10 Newspapers.

We publish the following for the benefit of sub
seribers to newspapers:
l. Subscribers who do not give notice to the
contrary, are considered as wishing TO continue
.eir subscription.
2. II the subscribers order the diseontinuanes
OF their papers, the publisher may continue 10
sand them until all HrTearages are paid.
g. If subscribers refuse or neglect to take their
periodicals from the Office TO which they are di-
reeted, they are held responsible until they have
settled the bill and ordered them discontinued.
4. If subscribers remove 10 other places with
out informing the publishers, and the papers are
Sent 70 the former direction, they are held re-
sponsible.
s. The courts have decided thatrefusing 10 take
papers from the Office, or removing and leaving
them uncalled for, is Prima faeis evidence Of in
territorial fraud.
Postmasters who notify publisher that his pa
per is not taken from the office, arc required to
give the reason why they are not taken out.-Ses
Post Office hstruetionS and Laws.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
Road Notice.

NOTICES hereby given that petition will
IN be pr scented to the Commissioners of Vim
ton County, Ohio, at their next session, for an or
der to open road in Brown Township, in said
county, commencing at Goes Mill on Raecon
Creek, thence by way of Moonville and fhe resi-
dence of Alonzo Ferguson, to Big Sand Furnace,
being an extension Of the county road leading
from Boland's Mill, on said creek to Goes NH.
II. FERGUSON,
and other citizens Of Brown Township.
July 29.-4y
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02

FORTUNATE EsoArE.-Early last
Thursday morning, the striking
weight ofthe town clock in Warrenton
Va, weighing over seven hundred
poands, fell with a Tremendous crash,
passing through two floors ofthe court
house, and lodging in the basement
Fortunately, there were no persons
in the building at the time.
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02

TA quaint writer observes, that
at seventeen, with reference to her
bean, a woman enquiries, which IS hel
At twenty, grown more ambitious,
who is ne? At twenty-five, the world
having produced its effects, What has
he7 But at thirty in despair, where is
he3 Is it true, ladies 2
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
BENJAMIN Wards Esta te.

NOTICE is hereby given that j. W. Caldwell,
IN Administrator of the estate of Benjamin
Ward, late of Vinton county, deceased, has fled
in the Probate Courtof said county his accounts
and vouchers, as such Administrator for inspec-
ton and partial settlement, and that the same
will be passed upon by said Court on the Goth
day of September, 1855.
B. P, HEWITT, Prob. judge.
August rs, 1s5s.-Sw
M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1858-09-02
Road Notice.

NOTICE is hereby given that petition will
IN be presented to the Commissioners Of Vim
ton County, nt their next session, praying for the
annulment and vacation of portion of the
road leading from Jennings Lane to Cincinnati
Lane and running thence to the Marietta and
Cincinnati Railroad, or so much thereof as lies
within the County Of Vnton, on the ground
that that part of said road is not used
Aug. Q, '5S Il JACKSON WURTMAN.