Daily Iowa State Democrat. [volume] (Davenport, Iowa) 1856-1859, 1858-07-18

Editorial Squfbs.
We are often highly amused = The witty
Of our brsthNn Of the Rteo, wko
seem always with . pun or re1on2, on any
and every subjess Of tAs day. 0Nsn when
wearied with looking over our huge pile Of
exchanges. We find our very souh rsfrsshed
by . hearty lsugh-and We bslong to thst
class Of people who know jus how TO
lAugh-caused by some editorial witieism.
In the hope that we may cause . moments
pleasure " some wearied and worried fel-
low editor. we have clipped ZONE Of these
'sSQurBs," and shall 'lst off . lev Of them
occasionally in the Meas Letter until We
run out" Of the supply-unleas . fresh ~
sortment should arrive from the anne sour
cea. For instance, an editor heads an item,
IAN EDrToR DEAD" In 60 our assistant cd
itor, the scissors, to clip an item 70 be placed
under its appropriate heading in the Neps
Letter, when to our chagrin and amusement
We find tis but a joke. This IL the item:
"Wm. Fisk, Esq. editor Of the 49, Press
is dead. MIR. +. wac . poet. bet from some
reason or other, did not like our views up
on the merits Of his poetry. and 20 cut US
from his exchange list We, however, con
tinued to send him the Iranseript, and yes
terday it was returned TO this office marked,
{ send this paper to - This was the
first intimation we had Of Mr. F.s death,
and we suppose he left word with his son
to send his exchanges to his new abode
Phanzy phriend Phisk's pheelinkA Killing
a man of In that way is most TOO hard, but
we can scarcely wonder at 1t il the poetry
spoken of was anything like that received
by an editor, who upon declining the same,
remarks to the poet, "Your lines entitled
Sympathy are respectfully declined. The
sentiment is excellent. but the rythm sounds
like rolling frozen pumpkins on . barn
floor, and the measure is not what IL should
be-" If production answering the above
description was really received, We can
agree with Punch, who says, "Iha. reason
Why editors are 90 apt to have their man
ners spoiled, 10 because they receive from
one correspondent and another, such q vast
amount of evil communications"
But to find the happiest hits, and thrusts
we turn TO those which are written about
the editors unhappiness, for while IAN edi-
tor in Iowa has become 80 hollow from de-
pending upon the printing business alone
for bread, that he proposes to sell himself
for a stove pipe" another one, in q neigh
boring State, us 80 poor that he never
stands upon more than one foot at q time.
for fear that he may wear out his boots
quick" and another in Minnesota Threat
ems to break up housekeeping, and 60 to
boarding with his delinquent subscribers"
Next is one who says 10 those who prom
ised to pay their subscription in grain, that
unless it is delivered before the first OF Feb
ruary, he will be compelled to receive old
clothing in its stead" from which We may
infer that anything is good enough for the
printers. Upon the same subject another
one says, "We've no turnips to mix with
our potatoes. Don't bring us any more ap-
Piles. we have for the present, quantum
subfcit, which means-great slathers," while
still another, with his mind rather tending
towards animal than vegetable food, informs
his delinquent subscribers that "He has re-
sponsibilities thrown upon him which he ia
obliged to meat" One editor %nnounce
That the publication of his paper will
be suspended for six weeks, in order that he
may visit st. Louis with q load Of bear skins,
hoop-poles, shingles, oak bark, picked cat
fish, &C.. which he has taken on subscrip-
tions," while an able contemporary tissues
half a sheet, and says if its subscribers
don't pay up better, the editor will have to
issue semi-monthly. monthly, or not at all.
One who aspires to foreign correspondence,
but who was short of travelling funds, Sat
upon a saw-horse for an imaginary journey
and wrote q letter home to his paper" But
the most accommodating one is q Pennsyl
vania editor who says He intends taking
q tour through the country to visit his pa
irons, and will be prepared to take in trade,
wheat, oats, corn, pork, beef, buckwheat
apples, potatoes, chickens, turkies, pump
kins, butter, eggs, sour crout, horses, mules
wagons, calves, wheel barrows, harness
hoop poles, lath, lime, apple butter, stock
ing yarn, hard soap, cider, dried apples
beans, turnips, wool, feathers, geese, ducks
dry goods, groceries, hardware queensware
and ready made clothing, or any thing else
eatable, at the current market value" One
nearly as accommodating says, although
We prefer the money, yet those who cam
pay it will please send US some OF their ole
clothes, shanghai eggs, sour circuit, rotter
pine apples, DC, We will take anything il
the world except a scolding wife or a dull
razor" and then to sum up all these ills
some responding quill driver must needs
put into circulation the fact that The ia
bles of mortality show that the lives Of edi
tors, compared with other men, are com
paratively short. They wear out before
their time" as if the only hope they have
for q respite from their great troubles is al
early release from them.
Compliments are also sometimes bestowed
upon our friends which they hasten to Civ,
to the public. We have retained some, ant
those who recognize them a. applicable K
their own case, can take them and welcome
"a gentleman was promenading q fashion
able street, with q bright little boy at hi
side, when the youngster cried: % Pa
lookl there goes an editorv hush, hush
said the father ; : don't make sport Of tn,
poor God only knows what you MAJ
come to yet" 1t is too hard for parents t
influence the minds of their offspring il
such a manner Even the colored race hav,
no regard for the editors feelings; thing
have certainly come to great pass. "Al
editor got shaved in q barbershop lately
and offered the darkey a dime, which wa,
refused, because, said he, 4 understand o,
is an editor! Well. what of thatY w,
never charge editors nuffinp But such lib
erality will ruin you oh, nebber mind
We makes it up Oft the gemmen r" Here i.
another compliment. "A horse dealer, de
scribing a used-up horse, said he looked a,
if he had been editing . daily newspaper
But the policeman who rescued from drown
ing a shaggy spaniel who had been in thu
brine some fifteen or twenty minutes, wa
more sarcastic. He said Of the grateful cur
as he wagged gracefully his caudal append
age. He looks like the editor Of a monthly
magazine, trying to please everybody and
just missing it." If these compliments ar.
in any manner doubtful. here Is one which
does show and no mistake. 1.-THE
editor having lent his axe to one Of his sub
scrlbers. the borrower unfortunately broke
off the handle. On returning it. the mar
said. you can easily have it fixed yes,
replied the editor, but that will cost al
least a quarter Of . dollar Well ~reioined
the borrower. If you amt rather email 70,
an editor. Here's the quarter ; but III
| thank you to stop my paper ct once.'.-