Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1858-08-11
4xAiss' 4eRartmtnt.
were a Man"

Wouldn't 1 set the b~caNpr-h hated popuIa-
ton an example Of brilliant perfection.--
Wouldn'tI make myself generally agreea-
bic to all the ladies' and talk to 'cth as If
they had souls above bonnetsl What a
glorious man | should makci
I wouldn't stand on the hotel Steps and
puff clouds OF vi~llainous tobacco smoke into
the eyes of all the pretty girfs that 50 pasb
nor spit on The pavcments to spoil their
little shoes and injurc their tempcrs>
/ wouldn't set my huge hecis down on
the trains of Their siiken dresses to tear
'cm half oaft and | think-Pn not quito
sure, but | tkink-Fd knock down the first
brute whe dared complain of the cire0m-
ference Of their garments!
And when they como into . car or ON
nibus [ woaldn't stick my rose irto ancws-
paper, or look abstractedly out of the win
dow, nor get up gruutliug, always the
way with women ~ Not a bit of it! I'd
spring up like a patent India rubber ball,
and il the old bachelor on the right hand
side and the spruce clerk on the left hand
SIDE, didn't compress themselves into the
smallest possible space, TO make room for
the crinolincs, I'd know the reason why
And then, when | get married flor to
what end was ! created, if not to pay the
milliner's bills Of some blessed little bit Of
w~omankind y wouldn't | make q model
husband! Do you suppose l should bother
her sweet life out of her, by grumbling be-
cause a paltry button bad dropped off a
shirt collar, or a string of a dickey? DO
you think I'd explode like a camphene
lamp every time | found rip inmy gloves?
I'd like TO see myself STOPPING to any such
littleness.
| wouldn't consult the almanac every
time she bought a new bonnet, to see just
how many weeks she had worn the old one;
and / wouldn't snarl like n cross tiger-cat
whenever the coffee happened to be cold
or the beefsteak raw, just as if | wanted
her to abase herself in dust and ashes, and
burn up her rosy little face before the kitch-
en- fire, while | sat with my heels on the
table, reading the paper, in the next room.
/ wouldn't use profanc language when she
asked me to button up her sweet little gar
ter boots, or fasten her gloves, or even to
carry her parcels down Broadway, on a
rainy day-which last | consider to be an
, infallible test of patience and meekness.
wouldn't gorge myself with wine, and
oysters, and cigars ut Il fashionable down
town restaurant, while my wife dined a
home on cold mutton, and then look a
black az an overcharged thundercloud
when the groccr's "little bill" came in;
wouldn't expend asmall fortune in damon
shirt-studs, extravagant broadcloth, an
fancy canes, and then mutter about share
times" when she v~cutured to ask me fc
half a dollar to buy check for the baby
aprons! -.
And | rather think I'd 90 shopping wit
her, too, whenshe limited to that effect, j
stead Of invcnting excuses about Smit
Brown, or the club-aye, and pay her bil
-AAa-uitLah s~crawinu- mn my mouth as ii
looked into a shop window and admired
thirty dollar collar, I'd walk straight
and buy it for her, instead Of feigning to
absorbed in the signs opposite, and "t
getting to hear what she said.
When | came home mt night, | would
make q bear of myself, behind the event
paper aud answer savagcly, when she ii
idly asked what | was reading, "WOn
can't understand politics I" No, indee
| would read her all the anecdotes, p
with the children, pull the pussy's ears, a
tell her how becoming her new silk W
That's the way to keep the women &C
natured, take my word for it; and WI
prottier sight is there in all the world IL
a good humorcd woman9 Mind, | dc
becaasc 1t fsaF iRiiB8l Or old {r1 R}Gae5hsell Q! f
second, because they're not Judges of
article. But put the question to any S
sible fellow between the ages Of eight
and twonty-cight, and sec what he'll S
I'd make a point of always asking
wife's advice before | went to vote, and
ing just as she said about it-then 70
sure to I've always right. And if any bs
clor friend Of mine had the impudenc,
ask nc to an oyster supper, without in
ding my wife in the invitation, do you
pose I'd go Ask my mothcr-in-law al
that.
wouldn't 20 to evening parties,
firt desperately with other ladies, and
about my poor dear wife, whose i'll he
precluded her enjoyment Of society" W
l knew very we'll that she was sitting
home alone with the cat, and crying
eyes out over one of my ragged old CT
Good gracious! what a wide field for
proyemcnt there is among the benigI
sons Of Adam II puts me completely
of breath to think Of half the reform,
make. Oh!'ifI were only a man