Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1858-08-20
SUIT LOVINGOOD'S VERSION OF
OLD BURNS, BULL RIDE.
BY -, OF TENNESSEE.


Well, George. now while ye're waiten
for your durn'd fool chain kerriers, III
tell you how old Burns finished that ar
Onspeakabill bullride of his'n. Ye mind
how he got outen the lane as fast a hok
kin fly with the wind, and if noise and
fuss aud kickin hosses, an dust, and bees
and their stingin' counts for glory, hit
were as glorious a start as ever a man
had afore. alters cepling old Fills start
agin old Buck. He had all the nize an ;
dust an squeelin' and kickin' in the start
and he had the orful sIingin' too, nj onto
the out cuH-well. he had. An the on
ly way the ole feller Gu l cure the swellin'
arter the mOntrous stingin he got wur TO
marry a fust rate oman, full owe game
and Jest as ready as old sous. Gin me a
bright>eyed oman fur holdin their ban
agin any thing in b,eeches. no odds how
hi they hold their heds. She'll bring
their nose to the bottom owe the trough.
and lean hit there u lest thar thaIsers
well, they will. hearn a feller once
speak speech that cotton wur king. He
wur an onmOnl'fisd id fol, ur warnt a
rnan at all, ur was tryiu to cum i! over
the crowd. Wimen am King. Just give
them the issuin out Of what b tldface Iha
thinks rite fur thar purpose and I'll jist
agree to be chucked he'd fust inter the
river when the mu>h ise am runuin, If tha
don't rule the roOSt. an cotton or money
or good hard sence be durued; they won't
be no whar ef set agln oman. Now,
mine this fac', George. cummiu es it does
from the cussedest uol you ever seed
Hits this: whenever you find a thing ye
cant do yerself. jrst set she onto the
trail, an ef she don't do it fur yu. III
bind myself to let rot.ut alone fur one
cullender year-mIne ole Teller, one thing
she must love you mon ~trously. or yu
must pay mUnslrously, hut if she says
she will. why the things dun did.
But about old Fatty Burns and his ex.
press bull ride. Arter Lhay got outen
the lane they struck piece owe timber
Ian, and thar he lost his wepon. the bas.
kit. then he betuck hissef III on windin the
rope often the bulls hons. an raped hit
around his left hau. SO lire Mills hes
monstrous filthy cross ole ball. what hes
the Grogy Mountain range fur his sukit
this year. He list goes whar he durnd
please-and thinks his self some apples
among dried grapes or simmons. An he
happened tn be a browsin about in this
here woods. and heariu Ole Suck bel.
lerin, he got mad and tuck hit fur n chaI-
linge an a insult tu. So he raked up sum
dirt with his huff an sprinkled it over his
back; then he dug sum more outen bank
with his hons and lifted hit with his loot
and spread hit over hisself, then he TUX
a extra twist ur two in his tale aud histed
hit sIrate up in the air. and about this time
he felt ready to meet the devil, hon TO
hon, Of he cum in shape of q COW beste.
Old Sock and his rider came in sight n
tarin, and they smelt each other. But
were ded game and monstrous hot under
the collier; SO a big earth shakin fIe wur
morally dunnd surtiu. barring lisk owe
htenen or rifle shot inter one Of ther cualS.
Es soon as ole Burns seed luther bull, he
understood adzactly what wur comm an
when; so he leaned hisself back onter the
rope powerfully. till he pulled the stirup
loops tite an fast onto his shoes, an he
hauled Ole Socks nose an lip way up
Htween his eyes by the ring, sorler like
histing raw hide outen a vat with hon
hook; his face looked like hit war skined
or ded beef's he'd on live bulls body.
He was the wust lookin COW brute in the
face ye ever seed. and made his bellerin
sound like he hNd the rattles. But spite
owe all this. Sock steamed ahead strate
toward his enemy. He didn't care sim
gle durn for eny thing since his inter.
course with the honey makers an his mis-.
tl6kashun in that ar baSkiI. Ole Burns
commenced a snatchin brush frum the
trees lust one side an then luther, as he
passed, an = warm owe EN- out over the
inside OF Socks histed lip. rite down
at" cen the hons. Es last as he wore EN-
out he'd snatch more. He's the best
man for usin baskILs or brush in a emer>
ginoy ever seed. Hill how he'd
thrive in bad muskitter country, thy'd
never git in suckin distance OF him. But
1t was all hard thrashin wasted. The
two helierln macheens associated-that
Is sot ther heds together like two drunk
locomotives wud. When they hit, down
cum ther tales but they histed em apin
q moment an a shakin owe em at the pints.
sorter like they wanted to git the dust
outen the har. The shock fotch ole
Burns outen the dogwood sadil up outer
the neck; but he crawfished back burned
quick. and never stopped his thrashin owe
em over the he'd an eyes. The next time
they mixed they cum by guess, with
their eyes shot. fur fear owe that psrpetu>
al brushin mersheen. Hit Just rained
brush mixed with sum orfui short han
oussip. The Mills bulls a mitey smart
kritter to be COW beste. and he preshia-
ted adzaetlV ole Burns' nowap viii, N