Brookville American. [volume] (Brookville, Ind.) 1858-1861, 1858-04-16
Goucetta Of tte scissors.

M IL IL better TO DO smitten with
young lady than with the rheumatism
~ II IL better TO DO struck with an
idea than with the kitchen poker.
rsv- In Siberia, tho greatest luxuries
are raw cats served up in bears OIL
~ Beauty is only skin deep. Vel
n looks first rate as FAR as IL goes.
- II Is better to hug aprstsy girl
than an illusion.
~ Tho only thing we are sure to
want Is what we seldom IL ever buy--a
coffin.
- A lieutenaut's widow writes to
complain that her heart Is "left-tenant-
less."
~ sdcntly the deus, nre DER mo
stealing, as the man said when ho had
ave bills presented TO him at one time.
sGr- Who ever heard Of . widow COM
hitting suicide on account OF love A
little experience is very wholesome.
~ Tho lady who burst her sides
laughing, had them mended by her hus-
band coming into her ffont parlor with
muddy boots.
- A neglected wife declares that
she and her husband are like two mile.
stones-bscause she may say that he
and she arc never seen together.
pas- Tho individual who was content
that his life should be linked with crime
has found strong chain around his
eg.
~ How do you build q chimney
leather brooches ? "lt's aisy enough
said Pat. ITO build chimney, you hold
one brick up, and put another under IT,"
- Nothing sets upa womans spunk
like calling herugly. She gets her back
right up Ike cat when strange dog
comes near her-she IL eyes, claws and
bristles.
- A young physician, deecanting
upon tho loveliness Of female, perora-
tod with: "woaldn't she mako mag.
nifcont subject, how l would like 70
dissect her T. That's what you might
call professional enthusiasm.
~ The Mormons have got bank
At Utah, called the Drovers' Bank OF
Salt Lake City The bills arc embel-
lished with q healthy looking bull, sup
posed TO personify Brigham Young.
~ The spirit of Daniel Webster
was called up lately, IN o spiritual circle
in Northampton, in Mass. Ho confess
Sod he had made many mistakes In his
social and political life whilo on earth,
and in his Dictionary.
- "Be very kind 10 your mother"
says some one, "and II you haven't any
mother, be very kind toyour sweethearts
mother" Sensible advice 10 DO follow.
cd before marriage.
n. Men are frequently like tea-the
real strength and goodness are not
properly drawn out until they have
been short time In hot water.
So A dandy from the old country
once gazed upon tho Mississippi river,
his friend asked him what he thought of
Il. "Why said be eying IL through his
glass, dts q pretty fair river, consider
ing its q new country"
- When girl has arrived at the age
when she likes TO have her hand squee-
xed by the hot headed corduroy, make
up your mind that hor heart has begun
20 run on matrimony, honeymoon and
candles.
s0- II 10 not the nearer approach of
the Gulf Stream TO the Atlantic coast
which gives the present warm weather.
The real reason is connected with tho A.
nancial crisis-winter has failed, and
autumn has got an extension.
~ ~ thought you were born on the
hrst Of April, said Benedict to his
wife, who had mentioned the 2ist as her
birth day. "Most people would think
90 from the choice ! made Of hus.
band" she replied.
~ A poor Irishman offered an old
saucepan for sale. His children gath
-erod round him, and enquired why he
parted with IL
"Ah. me honeys," answered he, ~
would not be after parting with It, but
for q little money 10 buy something TO
put in IT."
- A corpulent gentleman with
sShPaCioob htoWhcn, rose NJ pubic L
dinner, TO return thanks, which he did
by laying his hands quite attractively
upon his stomach, and saying
I'VE thank Thee for those blessin ~
90 bountifally spread, and our capacity
to enjoy them"
- A wife In Kentucky, says Prem.
stice, has shown how wives may run
away without rendering themselves II.
able To be advertised, as having left
their husbands "bed and board" She
ate up all the provisions on hand and
took the bed with her.
- Somebody has found oct a new
~1yof "takiEg pictures" by which they
can be taken as we'll in the night as in |
the daytime. A Schenectady daguer.
.reotypist has missed several from the
frames hanging by the door, and dosen I
approve Of the new plan.
~ Lord Chancellor Northineton
suffered much from the govt, and once,
after some painful waddling between
the woolsack and the bar in the House |
Of Lords, he was heard to mutter: "ItI
had known that these legs were one
day TO carry achancelior, I'd have tn. |
ken better care Of them when ! was
lad"
- ashanti see ye hum from sinpin. |
.trsa fA-ni~hf IeruahvT HNrn 80