Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1858-08-21
Old Bill Wallis, the Ugly Man.

know'd of it, though, was when was about
ten years old. l went down to the spring
branch one morning, to wash my face; |
looked in the water, and seen the shadow
of my face, Great Goly how / run back
hollerin' for nanny every jump! That's
the last time | seen my facet darson't
Don't you use glass when you shave"
| inquired,
"Glass zounds what glass could stand
it? twould bust if it was an inch thick
Glass pish |"
Lucy told hor father he was too bad, and
that he knew it was no such thing; aud
the old man told her she was a saucy wcnch
and to hold her tongue.
Ycs," he continued, otis so; havn't
seen my face in forty years, but l know
how it looks. Well, when | crowd up, l
thort it would be tho devil to find a woman
that'd be willing to take me, ugly as was"
Oh, you wasn't so uncommon hard fa-
vorcd when you was a young man." said
old Mrs. Wallis
"Oncommon | tell you when / was ten
years old fly wouldn't light on my face
and it can't be much wuss now Shet up,
and let me tell the Squire my Experience"
It's nc usc," put in Lucy, "to be run
MIN ones own self down, that way, daddy
1t amt right"
"Runnin' down. Thunder aud light
nin.' Luce, you'll have meas good-loollin'
directly, as Johh Bozoman, your sweet
heart.
AS he said this, old Bill looked at me,
and succeeded in half covering the ball of
his left eye by way of wink. Lucy said
no more.
The old man continued:
"Wcll, hard as | thort it'd be to get
wife, fust thing know'd, had Sally here
and she is, or was as pretty as any of 'em"
Old Mrs. Wallis knitted convulsively,
and coughcd slightly.
Howsocver, she never kissed me aforc
We was married, and it was a long time ar
ter oforc she did. The way of it was this {:
we had an ole one horned COW, mighty on
cry Ordinary looking, old as the north
star, and poor as a black snake. One day
[ went out inter the lot"
Daddy wouldn't tell that" exclaimed
Lucy, in the most persuasive tone imagin-
able.
"Drot eff don't tho'-its the truth
and eff you don't keep still, I'll send for
Bozeman to hold you quiet in the corner"
Lucy poutcd little and was then silent
Yes, went out to the lot, and thar,
sure as life, was my old 'oman, swung to
the COW, and the old thing hyn' round an
cuttin' up all sorts o'shincs Ses /, "what
are you up to, old 'oman ?" And with that
she let go, and tole me she was tryin' to
practice kissin' on old Cherry, and she
thort arter that she could make up her
mind to kiss me !"
cold man, you made that I've hearn
you tell it aforc-but you made it," said
the old lady
Well, well | told her, squire, scs I,
come down to it now hang the COW
shct yonr eye hold your breath !" and up
on that she busscd sost you might heard it
a quarter of mile, and since that nobodys
had better kissin' than me. Now, that
was my first Experience about bcin' ugly ar
ter was grown; 'twant SO bad nuthcr
"Thc next time my ugly features came
into play was in Mobile was you ever thar?
Worst place on the green earth; steam
boats, oysters, freeniggers, furrincrs, and
brick houses that's the place [ went
down on fiat boat from Wctumky, with
old John Todd. We had fust rate time
of it, till we got most to Mobile, and then
the steamboats, would run so close to us,
that the sloshin' would pretty nigh capsize
us. They done it for dcvilment My !
how old John cussed but it done no good
At last, ses |, "l'll try EN-" eff thar's any
strength in cussin', I'll mex EN- ashamcdw
So the next one came along cavortin' and
snortin' like it was gwinc right into us, and
did pass in twenty foot riz right up on
cotton bag, and scz | to the crowd-which
there was a most almighty one on the
guards of the boat-ses l " yoas. EseaS irs-
fcrnal, racket-makin, smokin', snortin'
hell totin' sons of thunder
"Afore / could git any furdcr in cussin'
the crowd gin the most tromenjus yearth-
shakin' howl that G. or was hearn-and one
feller, as they were broad side with us, hol-
Tered out, {" It's the old he ugly himself!
Jerusalem, what a mouth" Withthat, thar
was somethin' rained in our boat like hail,
only heavier, and directly me and old John
picked up a level peck of fbuckhorn handled
knives I'll be darncd this mint if we
didn'titw
Old Mrs. Wallis looked to heaven, as if
appealing there for the forgiveness of some
great sin her ugly consort had committed,
but she said nothing.
"So lost nothin by bein ugly that time .
Arter got into Mobile, howsocvcr, was
bothered and pestcred by the people stop
pin in the street to look at mc-all dirty
and lightwood smoked as was from bein'