Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1858-01-01
Hastings OF Punch.

TAh AND EOCL lhLuslONS.--tO or once IN the
way, We are enabled TO praise On advertising
doctor, and we seize the opportunity of doing
SO with delighted avidity. Professor Wiljal-
b, Frtkell. describing himself as Physician
to their MAe-t es, the Emperor and empress
oC Russio" announces that ''his new and orig
NAL entertainment, performed without the
nid # any apparatus, entitled Two Hours ct
Illusions, will commence ats, and terminate
az 10 O'clock" Here we have physician
canddiy ayowing that his professional prsc-
tee consists in t1e production Ut IlIusoDs.-
How mach more honest and respect sble Is
such physiciau than an NJ. d. who prnfeses 10
cure diseases Oy means OF homo JatlIc GLIB
ue.. These illusions are merely harmless,
bat the illusions Of DR.. FIikell are not only
harmless but amusing, and hence probably N
some degree medicinal Entertaining IlIu-
siuus are better cures for low spirits than
quacX medicines.
Inc Value OF Hsaltb.--A god constitu-
ton il Ike money bJx-:he full value
ot it is never properly known uutIl it ID
broken.
FLOWERS FIR LIZ FOLLETT.-Among other
particulars VI Fashions Tor December" our
papihonaceUus contemporary informs the la
dies that
Square low bodies tor diuner dresses are
more ia request tlan the low body OF the ball
dress
Sqnare low brdies. Ny Gracious. Ga!
Flucy low square body IN any dress. -
How very PLAN. And low body in
bali dress would be a perfect fright
wouldn't IT,
Tne softer sex is also presented with the
iyll wing intormatiou:-
ut is said that some Of our elegantes In
tend Il introduce tue fashion of wearing nat
uFal flowers in the hair this winter. We
hope 1t will not prove mere rumOr, as no Work
Of art can compare WITH that Of nature
Such coif0re must, of course, be very reUh-
eFche, but it will necessarily be very expen-
sive."
Oa my! Natural flowers in the hair in
December won't they be nice? In the suG-
mer one wouldn't care about them--but at
Christmas they will be--Jh.--so very, very
pretty. Very likely they will be little dear,
out law, what signlfcs!-aud 80 much the
better TOR frozen out gardeners and people
out OF employ.
\. The above comments are oil fan
cy. Mr.. Punch merely imagines that he
hears them. Il may be very true that be IL
gOuse.
INFALLIBLE SIGNoF TIE NEAR APPROACH OF
CHRISTMAS Tue annual prlze has been
awarded 70 Prince Alberrs ply!
WORDS TO THE UNwIsE; OR, THE DJSKEYs
DIcrI,NARY.-ADvlcE --Generally consists,
even when the gIver Is sincere, 10 RECOMMEND
ding somebody else t. initiate himself. One
tells another nhat be would do ii be were in
tnut Other 5 place, Ius tsad of telling him what
would be best tor him, tferenty constituted,
to do IN hlS own. Advice Is very commonly
mere diet .tlOu; the expression OF desire t
control otner peoples inclinations and regu.
late their CONDUCT. 10 reviewing our past
career, We, 10 almost every instance, repent
OF having taken the advice VIC took, and re-
joiCe Tor not having taken that which we re-
Iected. Medical advice is OF dubious value,
and advice gratis ID not worth what II Is
offered tor. Lutte dependence can be placed
IN any advice but Jhst Of respectable sOllc-
ItOr.
BANTER is ia the polite and playful ex-
preston Of contempt. It's the conversation
Of gentlemen who despise one another. NJ
body dareS to banter ire queen, or Judge on
the UeOCh, or anybody that he fears. The
objects OF banter are usually those On whom
II can, or gentlemen thiuk that II Gao, be
pragtlsed with impunity. Banter tires
philosopher as reasonable conversation bOres
fool. TO rid yourself OF the plague ot
banter you must retort it, but 10 the retaia
/. 4 -, L..
insult for insult III an elegant aud pleasant
manner.
IHE QUESTION BEFORE THE HOUSE Dry
as the Monetary Debates may be deem
I'd, they relate to subject oil Immense In-
terest.
Coon NATuFED TH,rGHTS BY \ STUPID
Harmless tELLuw.--lt Is not generous to
blame youth Tor the lolies of young meu.
Good wives, Ike ilbert-, will reGsn good
for 4 long ume. Ii all depends upon the
care you t'kc Of them, and how you husband
them.
Surprising experience does not give US new
holes IN those we have.
Solid worth is often found in q rough out
side. SoVereignS rol! repeatedly out Of an
OLD stocking
When friend is sinking hope is like the
anchor that the Deal pilots take GU; u n ship
IN distress, and We should all volunteer in car
ryng it to them.
1t ls uukind to boast Of the English const.-
luton in the presence Of foreigners. Inva-
lids never exactly like TO hsar strong man
Dragging about his health.
The loss Of a joyful illusion is always
painful thing. 1t s like a child looking at
clown after he has washed bis face.
A surly reception from Il debtor raises
pleasing hope OF payment.
II we only said one half of the witty things
that, on reflection, we feel we might, and
ought TO, have said, what clever fellows We
Should be.
We have "itcn seen q cow part with her
milk in the most patient manner, and then
turn round, and upset the pail Itreminds
Us always VI generous action ungraclOusly
done,
hnE Explanation.
john Pt Unix If out on "Brshma" lie is
confident that he has discovered the KEY t.