The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1858-01-29
/ BIG STORY ANDARIG MIN

BIG STORY AND A BIG MAN.
a correspondent of a Cairo IN paper gets
OF the following genuine specimen Of bio talk
ing IT beats Davy Crocket:
John Waterbury, brakesman on Tom Fsv,s
tfan' IS an original genius and remarkable
man; hiS weight Is two hundred and eIohtr
d"-ooneo, with dangerous spread in his sti-
he, broad shouldered, strong iawsd, with 6t
/ lna' has haif horsepower. When they whis-
tie Gown breaks, he brings up the train 50 sud-
den @ 'nat It often breaks the coupling chains
/ when he eats he takes enough for six men. and
he drinks whlSkey ont OF quart cup. then
knocks the landlord through board fence or
INSIDE oI house II he wants any paw. Heis
under five hundred dollar bond not to strike
man at Sandovai for fear Of iniuring the build
Ings, they being slightly buih. His hair is "a
coarse as hay, and sticks up ike the Guills of
"ifeiiul PorcuPlne.' II takes two table cloths
10 wipe his nose, and he generally feeds him
sell with scoop-Shovel and pitchfork. When
he FXFfts himself IN trip, he accumulates Ia
pounds and ounces Of dirt and lamp oil. and is
not allowed to wash himSeIfin any stream small
ieF than Inc W a5aSb, for fear ofthe cholera.
once, when old jerks cursed him. he turn
ed IN and whipped nineteen men out of revenge.
Tie was TO ride with his back to the car and let
MS toes stuck out over the platform, it being too
narrow Tor the length of his feet. His great toe
looks ike sea-turiles head, and his nose like
young room beld by the head with The bio
end down, brilliant and ptted like ripe stray
berry; his eyes have a twinkle of good humor
and fascination for the fair. The skin of his
lace lies IN folds, like the skin Of rhinoceros:
ms teeth look like cogs IN a mill wheel. he
mas 10 nave his hat made 10 ORDER and when he
loses 1t be wears water bucket, with the hail
under the chin. He will travel this summer. but
can De seen for lew days at Sandoval free Of
charge.
He thinks he ''dead heads'' bis living, but
the company secretly pays Mr.. Merit dollar
a meal.
The Roor OF THE MATrER.-An individu-
al sent for his physician, and after detailing the
whole catalogue Of his pains and aches, he de-
liberately summed up thus:
''Now, doctor, you have humbugged me lopr
enough with your good-for-no nothing pills and
worthless syrups aud trash-they don't be-
begin to touch the real difficulty. | wish Won
to strike the real cause of my ailment, if it is in
your power TO reach -
"With all mv heart" said the doctor. et
shall be done!" Then lifting his cane, with ons
blow he demolished decanter of brandy that
stood on the sideboard
"Ihere,' said he. ''drink only of heavens dis
iIIlery-Pnrr rain water, and you won't need
my syrnPs."
Guess doctors would be honest men if their
patients would let them Even so would priests.
9y the same rule: and lawyers, too-all become
honest men, il stupid world would let them.
50 much for cause and efect-.Haterials for
Thinking.
Gy-The other day as Chang and Eng, the
sIameSr twins, were going 10 Charleston, the
conductor fthe cars made fuss because they
lid not each have a ticket The gentleman
who had charge Of them said they had always
'een carried on the ticket of single pas senger.
The conductor replied that they were two per-
ons, and occupied two seats they must there
ore pay two passages. every WE'LL" said the
81 will give the ticket TO Chang.
nd you can pnt Eng of the cars" This brought
he conductor to his senses, and be "knocked
nder.''
u A Shpbuilder was once asked what he
hongot OF Whitfield. "Think' he replied. ssT
ELL you, sir, every Sunday that go to nv par
81 church, can build ship from stem TO stern
nder the sermon but, were it to save nv soul
nder Mr.. Whitfield [ could not lay single
lank.'
ga rather thick headed witness in the
ollce court at St. Louis was asked the question
whether the party accused ''stood on the de-
-nslve." He innocently replied, che stood on
bench"
E5@"Can body eat with these things q" ask
d an elderly lady who was handling pair of
rtifcial plates in a dental office, and admiring
le fiuency with which the dentist described
lem.
'sMy dear madam" responded the dentist,
mastication can be performed by them with
lciIity scarcely excelled by Nature herself"
eyes, know" replied the female. ssbut
an body eat with them -
stranger TO little boy-'sWell my little
" amt YOU lost 2"
Little boy stepping back and eyeing stranger
-"Look here mister, don't be so familiar. if Won
ease i am not unprotected" laying his hand
! revolver, 'just remember l am gentle
an"