Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1858-09-22
Elm FOR TILE IlINQRlST.

~. a lew nights ago, Mt Jones, VINO nau
been out taking his glass and pipe, on going
home late, borrowed an umbrella, and when bis
wife's tongue was loosencd, he sat up in bed,
and suddenly spread out the paraplanie.
"What are you going to do with that thingF'
said she.
"Why, my dear, I expected very heavy
storm tonight, and so came prepared"
In less than two minutes Mrs. Jones was fast
asleep.
e \ cute Yankee in Kansas sells liquor
in a gun barrel instead of glass, that he may
avoid the law, and make it appear beyond dis
pute that he is selling liquor by the barrel.
ESse"You don't seem to know how to take
me-" said a vulgar fellow to gentleman he had
insulted. eyes 1 do," said the gentleman,
twisting him by the nose.
1 The wife OF George Snow, of Arkansas,
gave birth to three children July Goth. That
must have been a Snov squal in July.
- A lady, who was strict observer of
etiquette, being unable to 20 to church one Sun
day, sent her card.
e." Come, Bob how much have you
cleared by your speculations 2" said friend to
his companion. "IClearedm answered Bob, with
frown, "why, I've cleared my pockets"
E@ The woman who never interfereG with
her husbands affairs arrived in town the other
day. She is unmarried yet.
EE gentleman having given grand par
ty, his tailor was among the company, and was
thus addressed by his l"rdsllip-
"My dear sir, remember your face, but I
forget Your name"
The tailor whispered in low tonc-" made
your breccheS."
The noblcman, taking him by the hand ex-
claimed
"Major Brceches, am happy to see you
"MIss BErsEY." Some years ago there lived
in ancighborine county. family named w..
They were poor, and liverl III humble cottage,
but enjoyed all the blessings which naturally
arose from the toll of their own hands, never
cnvyinS or dreaming Of the treasures nf the
rich, until fortune favored them in the death Of
relative in Old Virginia, which brought them
in possession of six or eight negroes. On the
strength of the ncSrocrs they were going to get
they bought wagon and team, and started the
boys Sp'Old Virginny to haul them ar niggcrs
hum They soon returned, and the family gave
the iarliies hearty rcccpton--so much SO that
tLey surrendered their beds and chairs to them.
The good old lady OF the house, whom they
called Miss Bct>ey, was so delighted at her
good fortune, she remained awake during the
first night after the arrival of them ar niggcrs.
at short intervals she would call out to one Of
the niggcrs
"II-a-n-n-n-a-h 0, Ham n-a-h !"
"What You want, Miss Betsy %
"Nothing, Hannah! just wanted to hear
you call me Miss Betsy"
\ few days after, Hannah was washing at the
spring, when Miss Betsy would 60 to the door
and call out
so. Hannah =
"What yon want, Miss Betsy -?
"Nutln, Hannah! I only wanted to hear
you call me Miss Betsy from the spring
KNOWING WHO TO kIcx.-Thc late Colonel
McClung, of Mississippi, once got into Il dispute
in the Office of the Prentice House, al NirkS
burg, with rowdy, when, to end the matter with
out further DELAY. he took the row'iy by the nap
of the neck" led him tn the door and kcLCnl linn
Into the street. The kick,y picked himself UP.
walked away, and here the matter cldcd. Some
weeks afterwards AlcClun@ wills III New Orleans,
and when walking mp st. Charles street, saw the
fellow he had kicked out of the Prentice House,
kicking Il third party out of drinking saloon.
McChng walked up to his old acquaintance,
once the kickce, but now the kicker, and after
scanning him closely said " Look here. my fine
fellow, are you not tic man kicked ont ui the
Prentice House the other day" Softly. softly,
Colonel replied the rowdy taking NrCl"ng by
the arm. "dla'l mention il I'm The man--bEt
-but-YoW aAd hHo,c mho 10 kick =
CON! WHAT A GEoAN WAS THAT 1.-Two
countrvmen, who bore the aspest OF having been
born and reared in the pincy wootls entered, on
Yesterday evening, Que OF our city churches
They wcntupin to the gallery and tooka seat nthc
immediate vicinity OF the organ. The organist
commenced using his skill on it, causing it to
breathe out its sweet melodious sounds. Our
friends, in rant anazcment sat. Their eyebails
strained to their utmost tension, seemed as if
they would start in horror from their sockets,
whilst every hair OH their heads assumed an III
dependent and perpendicular position. The or
eailist happening to strike deep bass note, our.
friends with fear depicted on their blanched
countenances, in haste, made u hec'linc for the
door. As they arrived at the door, one OF them
said to the other Cool Lori Sam, mhat Il
glvun TINT was !!"--luyusta Dispatch.
SyoR1xG.-A Western statesman, III one Of his
tours in the far West, stopped oil night at a
house where he was put in the same room with
twenty strangers. He was very much annoyed
BIZ the snoring of two persons The black boy
of the hotel entered the room, when onr narrator
said to him: Ben, will give YOU five dallars
if you will kill that man next to me, who snores
so dreadtuy" "Can't kill him for five dollars,
but if massa will advance on the price, Ill try
what can do" BY this time the stranger had
ceased his nasal fury. The other was now to be
uuieted. So stepping on him he awoke him and
said "My friend-hc knew who he was-you re
talking in your sleep, and exposing all the Sc
crcts of the Brandon Bank-he was director
you had better be careful" He was careful,
for he did not 60 10 sleep any more that night.
No TINE FOR SwAppISG.-A Indiana man was
travelling down the Ohio OIL q steamer with a
mare and twoyear old colt, when by Il sudden
careen of the boat, all three were tilted into the
river The lIoosier, as he rose, pulling ai:!! uviow
inr above the water, caught hold of the tail Of
the colt, not having a doubt that the natural in.
stinct Of the animal would carry him sato s.shore
The old mare took a bee line" for the shore,
but the frightened colt swan Justify down the
current with its owner still hanging fast. " Let
90 the colt and hang on to the old mare p shouted
one of his friends. "Phree, boob y exclaimed
the Hoosier, spouting the water from his mouth,
and shaking his head like Newfoundland dog,
/" its mighty ine,. mv telling me to let go the
colt but to mani tuat can't swim, this amt CO.
actly the time tor s,cappiny horses
TIE DEAcoS's WEAKNEss.-Tho deacon of a
church, upon whom new pastor had been set
tied, was praising his many good qualities TO the
deacon Ola ncighboring church. He declared
that the minister had but ono fault in the world,
and that was o propensity to become little quar-
! relsome aOlen lie got drunk.