The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1858-02-19
The Trials of a Fat Man.

p'''ehI WHO "Iltes tliat paper lfahk!y
| thuss
AS | intnhlc,l to von, having come TO
the conclusion that there /, no,hins fit to
eat in Buffalo, started for New York, on
Friday last, on the Central I;ailroad. ] had no
idea that man with respectable quantity
OF flesh was Looked upon with any degree of
surprise outside OF your city limits. only
weigh two hundred and thiF:y-unc pounds,
and if | am said to be az broad as am
long, it certainly was M reason for the tick.
ct agent nj the Buffalo depot inqnirng, "do
you wish to go as freight or asa passenger"
| told him with considerable aspcrily, "as
n passenger, of course" when he charrcd
ne for tickets for two and upon my en-
postnlating with him., very imrulcnt-
ly inquired il | supposed that any one else
could sit in the same seat occupied Be
! ing aware that it was matter of some doub,
said no more, but heard hlm muttcr
something to himself ahont hogs always
going rs freight, as I walked off, which re-
marks was made, presume, to an omni-
bus driver, standing near 1t certainly
could have had no reference to me. Do
| yon think it could ?
I.got on the cars, somewhat rutllcd in
tempter, and after crushing two or three wo.
men from a diameter of ten feet into about
six inches, and Ilattering out an apple boy
and n,f,- tl,,,ir
becomes Il matter of consid .rable research,
finally obtained a seat opposite an old =,
scraggy lady and her unmarried daughter
| They screamed as sat down, and | was
tempted to expand my lungs in the same
manner, for the whole seat gave way with
me and deposited me with my wig in Il
pool Of tobacco juice. and my feet in the
hony, unmarried girls lap. Upon cxtrca
ting myself from the wreck, discovered to
my horror that had split the back of my
coat, had utterly crushed ont of existence
three band boxes, and obtained the eternal
hate Of the scraggy woman ana her bui,v
daughter forever. tried to make NV apol
ogies, but think i failed. Ny future is
easily explained, for whoever heard of any
man making decent apology in frac'ur.
juice.
then went into another car, in consc-
quence of the Indignation Of the passengers
having been aroused by the women alluded
to, andsespecial y as Ihcarl a gentleman with
short hair and not very placid face, ir1uir-
ing if he hadn't better punch him. IIav-
ing no doubt that the him referred to meant
me | made myself as seldom as possible, and
got into the next car. The seats in the car
were all weak, irall filings, as four of them
fell to pieces as ] sat down on them Up
on making my complaint to the conductor
! who asked ifthere was more than one of
me-he suggested that had better 60 into
The baggage car, and sit on one Of the ex-
press trunks. They being irol,-hound, he
thought they'd stand il, ii nothing else
would. did go in there. The baggage
man, who was not very polite, asked me
what | wanted. told him wanted to
stay in there. lie said it couldn't be did :;
rs, if game in, he would have to 60 ont;
there wasn't room "tor them two trunks
and both of US in that there baggage car"
| | accommodated matters with him by Civ
ing him dollar, Tone of twenty I had bor-
rowcd, and he agreed TO ri,lc on the out
side Of the gar, while occupied the inside.
| got upon two express trunks, and was
very comfortable. Indeed, should have
been perfectly so, III the baggngeman hadn't
kept annoying me. lie kept diving lis
head into the car, and asking if | was going
to New York, and upon my replying that
was, he would convey my reply o.,he
breakman, who evidently had been talking
ofme all the way from Rochester Final.
ly, the baggage-nan drove his head in again
| as it to end some argument, and asked if I
intended to 60 to Barnum's Museum when
got to New York. l told linn should
which information lie. conveyed to the
breakman, who calculated.
| Thought SO its him." q
Il couldn't imagine what they meant.
fThey chuckled considerably, and said :"Sren
him for nothin." 'TwouId a cost two sli.
|'liMs.in New York"-when rabruptly put
an end to INSTRUMENTATION, by putting my
head out Of the car door, and inquiring who
was "hihswhat "wonld cost two slilIiDgs
in New York, and what they had .seen
for nothing."s The brakeman, WIS some,
what startled, ta,t recovered sufficiently to
say, "fat boy" This answer affordedsme
no information whatever. I backed into
the car again, much puzzled as TO what they
meant. Dreaming that / wasbeiI,g broiled