The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1858-03-30
,s:syT LovENGooD's SHIRT.
BY 81, OF TENN

ing the Hiwassee, ''weavng and moving along
in his usual rambling, uncertain gait his appear
ance at once satisfied me that something was wrong
He had been sick-whipped in free fight, or was
out-growing one of his big drunks-but upon this
point was soon enlightened.
"Why, Sut, what's wrong now ?" -.-.
"Hcap's wrong; durn my skin if haint most
ded. Lite off of that ar hoss, George, an take
horn, while take two, Shaking that everlasting
flask of his at me- an plant yerself on that log
an III tell ye ef ken, but it's most beyond tellin
I recken Pm the darndest fool outen Utaw 'cept
my dad, for he acted hoss, an haint dun that
yet-alers in some trap that cudent ketch sheep.
I'll drown myself sum day, see eff l don't, jist to
stop family disposition to make fools OF
themselves"
GLOW is it, Sut-havc you been beat playing
cards, or drinking which is it 2"
'Nara one; that can't be did in these parts but
seem its you, George I'll tell you; but swar I'm
shamed-sNk-sorry and-and-mad L am"
aye know boards with Bill Carr, at his cabin
on the mountain, and pays for sch as gifts when
hoy money, an when hevent any, why lie takes
one-third oIten me in cussin and she, that's his
wife, Belts, takes out tother twO-thrds, with the
battln stick an the intrust with her tongue, and
the intrusts moren the principl-heap more
She's the cussedest omen ever seed eny how for
jaw, breedin' and pride. She can scold blister
onto q bulls face rite on the curl in two minits
arter every fashion she hears tell on from bus
sells to breeches. Oh she's one 'em, and sometime
she's two or three. Well, ye see, I'd got some
home made cotton truck to make shirt outen,
and coaxed Belts to make it, and about the time it
wur dun, here comes lawyer johnson along and
asked for brcakfus-I wish it had pisened him,
durn his hide an l wonder it didn't for she cooks
awful mixings when she trys. I'm pisen proof my
self (holding up his flask and peeping through it,
or I'd been dead long ago .
FWell, while he were eatin she spied out that
his shirt was stiff an mighty slick; so she never
rested till she wermd it outen him that prepara-
ton of -four did it, an she got few particulars
about the proceedings outen him by 'omens arts--I
don't know how she did it, perhaps he does. Ar
ter he left, she set in an billed big pot of paste
nigh onto peck of it, an souzed in my shirt an
let soak awhile then she tux it, an roned it out
fat an dry an sot it up its adge agin the cabin
in the sun. Thar it stood stiff dry hoss
hide, an it ratified like sheet of iron, it did 1t
wur pasted together all over When | cum to din
ner nothn would do but must put in Well,
Belts and me got the thing open arter some hard
work. she pulled at end of the tails, and Inc at
the tothcr, and got into it. Durn the everlasting
new tangled shert, say. felt like | had crawled
into old gum and hit full owe pisants; but it
wur like lawyer Johnsons, and | stud it like q
man, and went to work to build Bets ash hop
per. worked powerful hard and swet like hoss,
and when the shert got wet it quit its hurting
"Arter got dun, took four fingers of red head,
and crawed up into the cabin loft to take snore.
'!Well, when L walked up, thought was ded,
or had the choery, for all the joints could move
my ankles, wrists, knees-cudn't move my head
and skarsely wink my eyes-the cussed shert
pasted fast onto all over from the pint Of tho
tails to the pint Of the broadax collier over my
years It sot to close as a COW dus to her
hide i'll March 1 squirmcd and strained till
sorter got it broke at the shoulders and elbows
and then dun the durndcst fool thing ever did in
these mountains. / shuffed my britches off and
tore loose from my hid about two inches of the tale
all around, in much pain and tribulation. Oh!
but it did hurt. Then | took up plank outen
the loft and hung my legs down through the hole
and nailed the aidge of the front tail to the floor
before me- and the hind tail | nailed to the plank
what | sot on. / unbuttoned the collar and ris-
bands, raised my hands away above my head, shot
up my eyes, said grace, and jumped through the
ground floor"
Here Sut resumed sadly
'1--t-h-i-n-k--i-t-- Iheam
noise sorter like tarin. shinglc roof off owe
house, all at onst, and felt like my bones were all
that reached the floor / staggered to my feet
and took look at my shirt. The nails had all
hilt their holt, and thar it wur hanging down, in
side out, and as stiff as ever It look ike the map
of Mexico jist arter the fust battles-a patch of
my hide about the size of dollar and half bill
here a bunch of my har about the size of birds
nest thar; then some moro skin; then some paste;
then a little more har; then little more skin;
then more haT; then skin; and so on all over that
darned new tangled, everlasting internal cuss of
shert. It wur pctur to look at-an' so was =
The hide, har and paste, were almost ekally divi-
ded atween nc an hit. Wonder what Belts, durn
her, thort when she cum home an found me miss
ing. Spect she thinks / crawled into thicket
and died of my wonds. 1t must hey skared her
good for tell you it looked like the skin Owe some
wild beast torn off alive, bag what had kerried
a load owe fresh beef from a shooting match.
'Now, George, if ever ketch that lawyer john
son out I'll shoot him, and eff omen talks
about fat'ir' & shirt for me again, durn my ever
lastn pietur eff don't fatten her. It's rit-ribu-
ton sartin, the biggest kind of preachers regu.
lar rit-ribution. DO you remember my drivin' Of
dad through that hornets nest, and then racin' Of
him inter the creek p
eyes"
s'Well, this is what comes Of it.. I'll drown my
self sum of these days, if don't die from that
awful shert Take a horn, and don'tyOu trya
tricky shert as long as you live"
Il I.o& g Al a ha aooar