Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1858-12-13
KICKING A YANKEE.

A very handsome friend of ours who a few
weeks ago, was poked out of comfortable of
flee up the river, has betaken himself to Ban
gor for a time to recover from the wound in
ficted upon his feelings by our unprincipled
and immolating administration"
Change of air must have had an instant
effect upon his spirits, for, from Galena, he
writes us an amusing letter, which, among
other things, tells Of a desperate quarrel that
took place on board of the boat, between a
real live tourist, and a real live Yankee settler
The latter trOd on the toes of the former
whereupon the later threatened to kick out
of the cabin" the latter
You'll kick me, Mr.. Hitchcock, out of this
cabling %
Yes, sir, I'll kick you, Mr.. Hitchcock p
Well" said the Yankee, very cooIy, after
being perfectly satisfied that it was himself
that stood in such imminent danger of assault,
L guess, since you talk of kicking, you've
never heard me tell about old Bradley and my
mare to hum 2"
No, sir, nor do l wish"
" Wen, guess it won't set you back much,
any how, as kcking's generally best to be con
sidered on. You see old Bradley is one of
those sanctimonious, long-faced hypocrites
who put on a religious suit every Sabbath day
morning, and with good deal of screwing,
manage to keep it on till after sermon in the
afternoon.
Well, he had an old roam mare that would
Jump over any fourteen rail fence in Illinois,
and open any door in my barn that hadn't
paddock on it. Two or three times | found
her in my stable, and l told Bradley about it,
and he was very sOrry-an unruly animal
would watch her'-and a hull lot of such things
all said in a serious manner, with face
twice as long as old Deacon Farrar's on sacra-
ment day.
knew, all the time, he was lying, and so
watched him and his old roam tn and for three
nights regular old roam came to my stable about
bed time, and just at daylight Bradley would
come, bride her and ride off / then Just took
my old mare down to the backsmith's shop,
and had some shoes made with corlls about four
inches long, and had 'em nailed on her hind
feet. Your heels, mister, amt nuthin' to em
l took her hum-give her about ten feet
halter, tied her right in the center of the stable,
fed her well with oats at nine O'Clock, and after
taking a good smoke, went to bed, knowing
that my mare was a truth-telling animal, and
that she'd give good report of herself in the
morning.
hadn't got fairly asleep before the old wo-
man hunched me, and wanted to know what
on airth was the matter out at the stable. So
says l, GO to sleep, Peggy its nothing but
Kate-she's kicking up flies guess" Purity
soon she hunched me again, and says she,
'Mr. Hitchcock, du get up and see what in
tuG WORTH IS ue matter OF hdIe, lOr SnG Is
kicking most powerfully"
clay still, Peggy Kate will take care of
herself, guess"
Well, the next morning, about daylight,
Bradley, with bride in hand, cum up to the
stable, and tru as the book of Genesis, when
he saw the old rOan's Sides starn and head, he
cursed and swore worse than you did, mister,
whenI came down on your toes. After break
fast that morning Joe Davis cum to the house,
and says he
"Bradley's old roam is nearly dead-she's
cut all to pieces, and can scarcely move"
81 want to know" says l, chow on airth did
it happen"
Now Joe was a member of the same church
with Bradley and whilst we were talking, up
cum the everlastin' hypocrite, and says he
My old roam is ruined !
'Du tell ? says /.
'She is cut all to pieces, says he; do you
know whether she was in your stable, Mr..
Hitchcock, last night!
Wal mister, with this / let out: do l
kno.o it 2 The Yankee here, in illustration,
made sudden advance upon the dandy, who
made way for him, unconsciously, as it were J
DO you know it, you no-souled, shad-bellied,
squash-headed old night-owl, you You hay
hoo1in', corn-cribbin', fodder-fudgin', cent
Shawn Within of nothin,' youl Kate kicks
like a dumb beast, but | have reduced the
thing to a science!"
The Yankee had not ceased to advance nor
the dandy, in his establishment, to retreat and
now, the motion of the latter being accelerated
by the apparent demonstration on the part of
the former to suit the action to the word, he
found himself in the Social hail." tumbling
backwards over pile Of baggage, tearing the
knees of his pants as he scrambled up, and a
perfect scream of laughter stunning him on all
sides. The defeat was total A few moments
atterward, he was seen dragging his own trunk
ashore, while Mr.. Hitchcock finished his story
on the boiler deck.-St. Louis Reyeile.