The Feliciana Democrat., 1858-04-17

triling paradox-accounte for ut once and to
every ones entire satisfaction, by the idea that
he has forgotten. But then came the crosscN-
animation; then the scientific artillery OF
COOL impudcnt, and vulgar lawyer sharpened
by thirty years of similar practices, Is brought
to bear upon one trembling and already nei'
vous streuger-perhaps ignorant, perhaps a
boy. Then comes the laugh of Judge and iu'
ry the murmur and astonishment OF the crowd,
that a person could be found degraded AMI
base enough to say that 'thc defendant wore
u little trimmed hat" when he acknowledged
subsequently,, off his guard, that the hat had
"a toerably large rim" Then the poor fell
low, sore all over, and not quite sure that he
will not be sent oprson and hard labor, for
perjury, before the week has rolled away, al
though he is the only person in the court who
does not In a greater or less degree, merit
that punishment, is dismissed to n bench II few
yards oil, where he is obliged to remain to hear
the lawyers, in their address TO the jury mum.
bile his character to pieces with glorious turns
Of rethoric and yet more glorious gesticula-
tions.
"What, gentlemen of the jury says Coun-
scllor Blowhard, beating the table sn fury, and
heaving his body like some wood-sawyer under
the operation Of an cmetc. what does the
next witness, this Mr. John Raw, say Gen.
tlemen he comes forward under the most pc
cuiar circumstance. lie claps perjury to his
soul,' as DR.. Watts says. a dark mystery
conglmmcratcs his motives, which | don't
think proper to discntanglc; but he comes
| forward and without the least backardncsS,
and he takes his place in that are withcsS.boX
with the OPEN tho avowcd the unidentified. tile
undisgused, the unaffected, the dNbolical, the
determined resolution to fix upon my client,
the injured, the suffering, the cruelly-torturcd
Mr.. Funk, this foul and unnatural assault and
battery. Didn't You see, gentlemen, when
cross examined him, how he trcmblcd under my
eye? you saw him prcvaricatc and how pale he
turned at my voscc. You heard him stammcr
and take back his WORDS and say he did not
rccollect.' Is this gentlemen of the jury, an
honest witness? The language Of truth is
plain and s.mplc-it don't require no previous
calkylation If | ask YOU if you saw the sun
rise yesterday, you answer, unless You are 81
ven to that horrible, detcstuble, abominablc,
Internal vice of drunkenness, and never kid
mapped niggcrS, yes or no-you do not hesitate,
you do not trcmbc. You don't say yes, !
did, and in the very next breath, mo- didn't
You don't at first tell me, 4 walked ten miles
on Monday and say, afterwards, IN jerk i
was all day on Monday, i'll in bed with the dy-
sentcry."
(lIere one Of the Jurors puts his nose 10
that OF another, and uttcrs something III aP-
probation Of this profound argument and the
other mods his head, and looks at the speaker,
as much as to say, there is no use in trying TO
eludc the sagacity Of this keen old fellow. The
witness had much better have told the TRUTH
Now, gentlemen, what does this here wit
ness say? lie began by telling you, gentle
men, that he lived in Maden.lane that he was
going home on the day when this ridiculous
and unnatural assault took place: that he saw
crowd, that he approached; that he saw Mr..
Funk, my client the defendant in this action,
come mp to the plaintiff, Sam Wiggins, and
give him Virgins the said plaintiff blow
with a bludeeon. But gentlemen, when !
came to look into this cock k.and-bul story, you
saw him cquvocate and heard him change
color and contradict himself what sort OF
a hat had Mr.. Funk on?' "A black one? 'Of
what broadness was the rimN a bout an inchY
He thought, doubtless, that he was to have
everything his own way till ] brought into
the witness-box to confute him the halter, yes,
gentlemen, the very halter who made and sold
the hat, and who proves to you that the rim
was broad Ion, tocrefore must believe you
cannot do otherwise that the hat worn on
that day by Mr.. Funk was broadbrimmod
hat; all the witnesses for the defendant swear
it, and even johnny Raw himself, when close
Iy questioned, acknowledged that it might
have been broad -brimmcd hat Next, gen
tlemen, the pantaloons What color was Mr.,
Funk's pantaloons" Black, said this bloody
Mr. John Row. Ga great laugh at this stroke
Of witt Gentlemen, have produced these
pantaloons in court. They have been identi-
fled beyond the possibility Of doubt What
was the result? You saw yourselves, gentle
men, the pantaloons were pepper and salt"
a cry of admiration throughout the court
The officer cries order
The poor witness unfortunately occupies a
conspic lous seat and all eyes are fixed upon
him with the most virtuous Indignation.
Furthermore gentlemen, | asked this wit.
ness 10 describe the budgeon. He could not
Had it ivory or horn OH the handle" He
could not tell Was there a piece of brass on
the cndY Did not know. WAS it heavy?
Yes Had he ever handled itH NO How
in the name of the heavens above and the
earth below, how, upon your oaths, gentlemen
! how could he tell the heft of Il thing if he had