American Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1855-1860, 1858-07-22
Prom tho Lshvenworh "Moeeasin Herald.
BOBTAILS GREAT PRIZE STORYt
THE DOOMED MONARCH.
OR
THE FIEND goldfish
BYK.K. BOBTAIL.
BYK.K. BoBTAIL.
CHAPTER /.

II was dark, nowhere. and nowhere was
as dark as bottle ofink N barrel of pitch
at the bottom ofa well. and fourty-iour
thousand times darker than the coDcentrat-
ed dai kness Of fourtV thousand midnights.
when upon throne Of petrifed turtle soup
stoop The mighty Gengulphus. monarch Of
the Fe Fo Fl Fun Islands, eating slice
Of buitered beeswax, occasionally y wettiDg
his lips Dy drinking fuidical wrought iron
sheet snchors, huke foremost.
Around him stood eighty Two thousaud
nine hundred and eighty seven and half
Ceuriiers ! /!
Bring rth the whangdoodle and place
it on the hewgag' exclaimed lie in a ter
rife voice, at the same time cutting of
cour:ier's head with the sharp edge Of an
| illuminated cotton bale.
CHAPTER II.
The wangd3odIe was placed upon the
bewgag-but before we SO further, let US
take glance at the political state ofAmer-
lea at the date our story opens. We were
Involved in a war with Mexico, and Gen.
Scott was carrying our victorious flag
through the halls OF the Monte-losseis.-
Gen. Washington. commanding the home
army, had formed at Junction with Chris.
torher Columbus at Nsuvoo and defeated
the combiIed forces Of England. France
and Hindoostan in a sanguinarY retreat on
Burgown heights. John c. Fremont,
President Of the United States, had ip
pointed James Buchanan Governor Of Cape
Cod; and Napoleon Bonaparte, as Mayor
of Bunker Hill. assisted ty Lieutenant
Barney O'Twigger, Of Ireland. was prepar-
ing for descent upon the tories at Cero
Gordo whilst DR.. jane, U. s. Surgeon,
was constructing strong fort at Carlo
armed with chain pump and one hundred
of his Carmanatlve Balsam.
Under these tremendous circumstances
no wonder the men ard women Of the
18th century were highly intellectual, and
GENERALLY speaking, born when they were
: young.
, Turn we again to our story.
CHAPTER III.
The whangdoodle was placed upon the
+ hewgag Dismay and terror sat upoI
/ the countenances Of the nobility. Lore
De Mozo involuntarily clutcked Prime,
Blowhushy's coattaiI, and the Countess o
Fig Fun, disappeared historically witbir
! her hoops, whilst bold Count de Scratch
hiher to the bravest of the brave, threy
: himself at the foot of the throne and elevatet
: one leg as signal Of the distress. Bu
. the mighty Gengulphus was unmoved.--
= Drawing golden wire safety fuzs from
: his bosom, he was IN the act OF attaching
| r :, II.
= Oh! Horror Of borroIsl ! He beheld il
!, one corner his beloved SelIeh locked il
the arms of Fee ii le Swash Bosky. EnvoI
= extraordinary from the Isle OF Wight! !!
CHAPTER ".
To say that Gengulphus was angry woul
he but an Indifferent statement Of the truth
as He was IN rage. He couldn't contai
himself and consequently boiled over
torrents that formed pnddles of wrath
his feet. He foamed. raved riped, an
= tore-stamtsd, relied. kicked and roaret
- ~ At last seiEing BATE ring ram by the horr
90 :, he made furious push at the guilty pal
CHAPTER V.
= "Die" shrieked Gengulghus, as
~ twirled the fearful Instrument above the
:. heads--but alas! in its swift decent it can
- . in contact with Baron de Boosey's piFe. au
= gla aocing at right angles, cove assund'
;" tho massive door leading to the Royal Nj
=" nagerie! Birthstone and torpedOes! Ihun
. dered Gengulphus he was too late
i Ere he could again raise the huge weaPo
y fierce Economical howl ran through Il
~ rooms, and the mex moment an infuriate
', grizzely Goldfish ran msdly forth from Il
!! demolished door and buried its dead
., t fangs in the seat of the mighty Gengu
" phus' inexpressibss! He uttered shar
y. cry of paIn-made one desperate effort
= shake of the monster-aud then fell
~ the floor, as dead as June bug in Janl
n ary.
" :, CHATTER vi.
10 But little more remains to be told. ST
&c leh soon after the death of Gengulphu
., stabbed herself with bed wrench, and h
J paramour, Fee ii le.Swash Bosky, becou
=, ing stricken with remorse, buried hims,
~ =" in pot Of porter-heels up. The coun
" y, ess FitsFum eloped with au Egyptian mum
81 my, in good state of preservation. al
:" - the count de Scratch, having lost Ike who
90 90 of his fortune in playing Simon sa
:" wig wag' with Lord de Monzo, he W
forced to emigrate West, where be eni'
ed as orderly sergeant TO lime kiln. Al
was shortly afterwards killed by the ac'
u dental bursting of a cabbage head.