Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1858-03-09
Fanny Fern on the Amcricae
CRISIS. ..,-l.

.Fauriny Fern ON thc America"
l.tgr piL L. Of Crisis. 1ai'
We'll, / never! Mol Snakes and
bracelets, dnrned (as stockings are darncd
YOU know if ever did. Moses and
Aaron-.So IL is us--u.. women, ladies-
us, the delicious little blue-eyed tremblers,.
at whose tiny tooteicums you have beeR]
knecling for nobody knows how long Its
us who have been and done it, and gotyeu
all into debt, and .etopPcd your banks, and
made your bills good for nothing but TO
light the bef,stiy cigars you've goton tick, "
ain't that Lhe word? By Diana and the
mischievous urchin, Dan Cupid, thst is
what you've concluded to como TO. is ft2
And ;ioa call yourselves Iaep ~ y a21ksd
blnshsl q tlslS 6ll.el3helk "
,kdo o,tany more good than emp
tying my teapot into the mighty Niagara.
Aud what have We, poor timid souls,
been doing, if it please my lords and mas
ters Of creation to certify. Let us hear
our crimes anyhow. What? buying too
nnpy,, robes, and spending too much IN
jewelry, an! perfumes, and soap, and
gloves and flowers, and slippers for our
dear little trotters These are the things
that YOU are not ashamed to throw into
our faces. Grant me patience, gracious
Jupiter, while 1 write such matters down.
Why, a right-minded man, not to say
American, would down upon his marrow
bones TO his wife, and humbly thank her
for having at all events got some pleasure
out of the money while it lasted. And
she, if she was dear, warm, kind, aliec-
tionate, good. sweet, darling little rib (as
we all are till you make lis more t'other)
would say to him, shaking her Lovely curls
over his face, Sam, or Bill, 'Alcibades
as the case may be, Il forgive you'-and
/ don't kuow---l say don't know, but ii
he looked very pcnient indeed. and was a
handsome fellow don't know. but she
might jist--there, its out--give him a
! kiss. All, and good one, ioo--not one
OF the touches that wouldn't make a dew
drop absuuatulate from a rose leaf, but one
AS if she meant it. But the notion of a
husband charging his ruin upon one of
those angels who. in the disguise OF wives,
float about your home, and fill the air with
the essence of Paiadise--well, there!
In course it's ali our doing, too. No
little trifle of extravaganza on your side
The table. Nothing about poker, or any
other little game. Nothing about racing,
or bets on horses to be sent over TO Eng
land, to have their hearts broken by the
cheating of John Bulls jockeys, or to be
poisoned by dukes and marquises for feal
the stars and stripes should bang the old
country on its own turf. No oysters, and
port WINE, and such like, monkeying the
aristocrats Of Britain. No chests OF cigars
as biz AS umbrellas. No gaunticklers, and
neck twistsrs, and brandy smashes, anc
tongue -scrapers ; nor amy other of YOU
nasty excuses for liquoring when you are
ashamed to call out, like free citizens OF ,hc
nobest empire in the world, for what yor
really mean No opera boxes that ain
always filed with your own wives, but are
sometimes sent as presents to somebody
else's-some remarks as to shawls ant
trinkets, my masters. Oh, no, nothing o
all this. Ask about these things, and the
lords of creation are as mute as Il dead mig
ger in "A coal hole. But there's something
in ali this girls, notwithstanding--l swea
it by the memory of St, Washington.
But come, girls, up and be doing! L
we've done the mischief, (and my lords
saw so, and, therefore, of course, it must
be so, we must repair it. Well have
good time. They've shown that they hahn
up to the pace required in these go-ahea'
davs, so now We try our luck. Let then
be off to Saratoga or Sarah anybody the,
like. We conclude TO take the business ii
hand. Yes stree. Wen begin by ma
king one big fire in Broadway of all thel
books and bills and bothcration, and tn
, gallant freemen of New York far nohIer
as have said elsewhere, than any OF th'
haughIy aristocracy of England, or TIL
upper ten either, shall see that we don
set the city a. FIRE. ........ .......
Then we'll take business into orr owl
keeping, and whip me fora fool ifby mex
fall everything amt slick an slivery. N
more loaning, and discounts, and protests
(except about our beauty, eh, girls?) On,
E all that bletherumskite, as the poor Irisl
exile patriots call it. We will have tn
= almighty dollar naked in all its silve
loveliness. and we shall be wrapped up il
no paper of any kind. That's our basis
! our Declaration of Independence, and W
D will fight any number of Bunker Hill
5 upon it. Hail Columbia, happy land, tn
gals have took your case in hand Wha
S do you say to that my cats. .. ...
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