The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-05-29
BrDGE AND BADGE.


Mrs. Bidge had eight chiidren-four boys
and four girls; but the Badges had neither
child nor chick. .s. -
disappointment and discomfort are the
common lot Of mortals. The Bidges were
mortal, SO were the Badges, and discomfort
reigned supreme in the Bidges' house while
disappointment was the prevailing feature in
the dwelling Of the Badges.
The fact was, that Mrs. Bidge hated chill
dren, and in turning herself into o Bidge,
she had got more than she bargained for
Sad was Mr.. Bidge to contemplate the lack
of maternal affection which was evinced by
his wife.
sAn't they your own children?' he wo'd
ask pathetically. -,
NO they ant, they are yours ? she would
spitefully reply; 81 never wanted any, its
your own fault
There was no answering remark like that,
and Bidge, like a christian, put up with the
taunt, partly perhaps because he thought he
deserved it, and at any rate because he could
not help it. Mrs. Bidge said she could not
help it, and of course the little Bidges could
not-and so there they were; a family of
Bidge martyrs-enveloped in q daily cloud
of discontent.
disappointment was the feeling that
knocked the daylight out Of the happiness
of the Badges. They were an honest, frugal,
straightforward philoprogenitive, hard
working couple, and it would give US pleas
ure to record they were destined to multiply
a virtuous posterity, had such been the
agreeable fact; but it cannot be disguised
any longer that the Badges had heen married
for ten years. and had appeared to pay no
more regard for their country'S census than
if they had been foreigners, resolved to take
no part in swelling the ranks of native
Americans.
The perversity of mortals is past all bear
ing. They are always grumbling at their
situations. The Bidges grumbled because
they had children; and if the Bidges had
been the Badges, and the Badges Bidges, no
doubt they would have grumbled Just as
much. Such unreasonable people deserved
to be made examples Of, and here we do it,
and expose them right in print and in public.
One Of the severest trials of Mr.. Badge
was to sit in his paror, with back window
open and see Mrs. Badge looking into the
back yard of the Bidges, praising the little
Bidges at play, and enjoying the good for
seemed to him as if Mrs. Badge did it to
Badge.
90, come, do see the little Bidges! y do
see!' said Mrs. Badge, clapping her hands.
sWhat is there so very interesting in par
eel of children making fools of themselves?'
growled Badge, secretly wishing he had three
or four to begin with.
sFools of themselvesr said Mrs Badge an
grily. 'We were al fools once, Badge, and
some of US havn't altered much since. For
my part there is nothing delight in SO much
as children: they are so innocent and full of
little cunning, interesting ways. How hap
py and proud the Bidges ought to be. Oh,
dear how lucky some people are!'
'Bidgesr echoed Badge contemptuously;
Bidges! 1t is nothing but Bidge, Bidge,
Bidge with you, from morning till night
Why don't YOU think of the Badges?' @
sWhere are thev?' retorted Mrs. Badge,
significantly looking around.
Il suppose Pm one,' said Badge with Of
Tended dignity.
:Well,' said Mrs. Badge.
sAnd you're another.'
sAnd what then p
'Ain't we a family?' said Badge, half pa
thetically.
Mrs. Badge burst into sneering laugh.
a pretty family, ha, ha. We were as
much of family before we were married.
What's the use of getting married, if We are
a family? Look at the Bdges.'
sOh, dear, there YOU are again p exclaim-
ed Badge, and for half an hour the childless
couple engaged in regular squabbe of GRIM
nations.
Let us look into the next door and see
what the Bidges were doing at that precise
time.
SANS tore his trowsers, Lizzv's frock is
spoilt, Toms got a splinter in his foot, and
Sally's lost one of her bracelets That Is
what comes of having squalling family of
young ones to bother ones life out. Dear
me Ibelieve there is no such thing as rest
for me this side of the graven said Mrs.
Bdge.
MIR. Bidge said nothing. The iron of re-
morse was in his soul, and his w,fe's lamen-
tations kept wrangllng it there. Mr.. Bidge
felt that he wis a fixed father. He mused
awhile. Suddenly q thought luminous as o
lightning bug, smiled upon his doldrums.
'Mr. Bidge, have t?'
'What p
'What do you say to a jaunt into the
country?'
With MI these children to see to? II
can't be. Itwould be worse than staying a,
home
But mean leave them here and have
somebody 10 take care of them.
'I'll try at all events.'
sWhat do you think of the Badges?'
Mrs. Bidge, struck with the force of thu
proposition. held out her hand in a delight
full state of hope. Bidge put in his hat.
50, if they only would!' saia Mrs. Bidge
Bidge moved to the door.
'Tell them there's only eight said Mrs
Bidge, 'four of them are twins, and for on
ly one week.
Bidge was gone for twenty minutes, ant
returned from successful mission. Th'
Badges were overjoyed at the proposal, ant
had agreed.
On the following day Mr.. and Mrs. Bldg
4 left dull care behind them, and went into tn
country; while Mr.. and Mrs. Badge assume,
the charge of the eight young Bidges. Hap
py arrangement of affairs. The Badge
were so fond of childreu-treasures beyon,
their power to possess.
Since the first year of their marriage, tn
Bidges had not enjoyed themselves so wei
as during the first two days of their abssnc
from home. Oh, how relieved they felt
How they realized the bliss Of liberty. n
young ones to see to; no responsibility; n
noise; no confusion; no whipping to give
no meals to get; no clothes to mend; n
children to dress or send to school, or pu
to bed. Of their companions in pleasur
seeking, none were more enthusiastic or ga
and agreeable than they.
On the third day their ardor began t
abate, and while Mr.. Bidge was considerin
how his business in town was getting along
Mrs. Bidge also grew thoughtful wondern
how the children were. Not that either O
them were at all anxious of returning. o
no. At least both said so.
On the fourth morning Mrs. Bidge wa
sorry she hadn't told the Badges to write t
her about the children. Who knows bu
what some Of them are sick? Supposin
one of them should die in her absence, tn
little innocents She would never forgiy
herself. And thus she begun to think Of
great many things which nobody could
for them like a mother. The Badges didn'
know ANYTHING abont it, Mr. RIDGE share