The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1858-04-15
sur LovENGooD's SHIRT i
BY s---L---,o OF TENNESSEE

ing a'oHS III Ills usual rambling, uncertain
gait; his appearance at once satisfied IN
that something was wrong. lie had bee,
sick-wlipped in FREQ fight, or was jus
out-growiug one Of his big drunks-bu
upon this point was soon enlightened.
Why, Sui, what's wrong nowl7
"Heaps wrong durn my skin if hain
ttiost dead. Lite off of that ar hoss, George
an'take horn, while take two, Shaking
that everlasting flask of his a. me0 an
plant yersef on that ar log an III tel! yc
cf ken, but its most beyond tclln'. l
recken I'm the darndcst fool outen Utaw
'cept my dad, for lie acted hoss, an haint
dun that yet--allers in some trap that
cudent letcl 4 sheep. I'll drown myself
sum day, see ef l don't, jst to stop family
disposition to make ID fools Of them
selves"
How is it, Sut-lavc YOU been bcat
playing cards, or drinking, which is it?"
Nara one: that can't be did in these
parts; but scein' it's you, George, I'll tell
you; but swar I'm 'shamel-si=k-sorry
and-and-mad, | am'
"Io know l boards with Bill Carr, a! his
cabin on the mountain, and pays for sicl
as 1 gifts when l hev money, an when l
haven't cny, why lie takes one third outcn
me IN cussin'; and she, that's his wife, Belts,
takes out tother two thirds with the batlliu'
stick, an the inlrust with her tongue, ant.
the intrust's morc'n the princip'l-hcap
more. She's the cussclest 'oman ever
seed eny how for jaw, brcclin' and pride.
She can scol,l blister onto Il bulls face,
rite on the curl in two minutes. She out
breeds everything on the rivcr-and pat
rons artcr every fashion she hears tell on
from bussels to breeclles. Oh! She's one
'crn, and sometimes she's two or three
We'll, yc sec, Ill got some homemade cot
ton truck to make new shirt outen, and
coaxed Belts to make it, and about. the
time it wur dun, here Gums lawyer Johnson
along and asked for brcaliius i wish it had
risened him, durn his hide, an | wonder
it didn't, for she cooks or(ul mixin.s when
she trys. I'm pison proof myself Qolding
up his flask and pceping through il) or III
been dead long ago.
"Wel. while he were Il catin', she spic,l
out that his shirt was stiff an nifty slick
NO Sue never rested till she wcrm'd it outcn
him that preparation of flour did it, an
she got few particulars about the percced-
ings outen him hy 'oman's arts-I don't
know how she did it, perhaps he docs.-
Artcr he left, she set in an billed Il big pot
OF paste-nigh onto peck Of It, an souzcd
In my shirt an let it soak awhile, then she
tuck it, an ironed it out fat and dry, an
sot ii up on lis ailge agin the cabin in the
sun. Thar it stood rs stiff us a dry hoss
hide, an it ratified like a sheet of iron, i, |
did. 1t were pasted together all over
When cum TO dinner. no,hin' would do |
but l must put ii on. Well, Belts and me
got the thing open ar.er some hard work
she pulled at one of the tails, and ME at
the tother, and cot into it. Durn the !
everlasting new tangled shert, say. fcl,
like had crawled into al old gum and hit |
full of pissants but it wur like LAWYER
yohnson's, and I stud it like a man, and
went to work to build Bets ash hopper.
l worked powerful hard and SWEET like Il
hoss, and when the shcrt got wet it quit its
hurting.
"Arter got dun, took about four fin.
gers CT red head, and crawled up into the
cabin loft 10 take snore.
"We'l, when walked up 7 thought I
was dcd, or had the cholcry, for all the
joints l could move wur my ankles, wrists
and knees-cudn't move my head and
skarsely wink my cyes-the cusscd shcrt
was pasted fast onto me all over from the
pint of the tails TO the pint of the Lroadax
collier over my years. 1t sot to mc as close
As COW does to her hide in March,
squimmcl and strained till I sorter rot il
broke at the shoulders and elbows, and then
l dun the durndest fool thing ever did in
these mountains. 1 shullied my britcLes
off and tore loose from my hide about two
inches OF the tail all around, in much main
and tribulation. Oh! but it did hurt
Then 1 took up plank orten the loft and
hung my legs down tl,ro' the hole and
nailed the aidgc of the front tail to the
ll hoor before me, and the hind tail nailed
3tolthe plank what I sot on. l unbuttoned
tho collar and ristbands, raised my hands
ayHy above my head, shot up my eyes, said
grace, and jumped through the ground
floor"
Here sut resumed sadly:
George, Pm, darnder fool than ever
fdsd DAD sgas, shoss, hornets an all. I'll drown.
sssayself' .. sartip some of these days, see of
.-