Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1858-08-10

THE INTELLIG IGENCER.
a Few nIore Jerrolaiama.
FROM DOUGLAS jEnn0ID's W.T. ASD nUnon.

. / 80 .l
FROM DOUGLAS JERRoID's WIT AND nuMoR.
Truth. In this world can truth can wait;
she's used tot
Intorieatton. Habitual intoxication. is the
epitome ofeYery crime. s
Z Spies-He who turns spytfor pleasure, would
not sickle to be hangman for business.
& ID safe goOernnae,at. That government is still
the safest that makes treason laughable.
a Suspicious Man. He'd search pin-cush-
ion for treason, and see daggers in needle
case.
Nature.-Nature is, pattern maidof.all-
work, and does best when least medled with.
Z a good 1Je.-How beautiful can time, with
goodness, make an old man look. l.ssw a s
12esctt sea womanis like tar-only
melt her, and she will take any form you please
a careless housemaid. id.-That girl would break
the Bank of England if shepu her hand upon
The elearest of an 14sos-selEdefsnce is the
cearest of all laws; and for this reason-the law
yers didn't make it.
Bad hearts. Some peoples hearts are shrunk
in them like dried nuts. You can hear 'em rat
tie as they walk.
;. Lying;-DOn't give your mind to lying. a
,P1dtonic l0ue. - Plato was a very good master
rof the ceremonies Just introducing people; and
then politely making his bow.
ASSnouticaI Naa1e Of stone.-A fellow that would
sit still i'll at his grog at the cry Of "a man over
a mean man-He grudges canary his su.
gar, and counts out grains of barley to his horse
by tens.
Nan's strsngtd.-A man never so beautifully
shows his own strength, aswhen he respects
woman's sottness.
1Stles.-Titles, ODE the real thing should be
like potatoes, and turn up with a lot of land
about 'em.
The heroine Of a 1oge story.-A mere thing of
goose.quil and foolscap; only born in a garret,
to be buried in a trunk.
Moral Principze.-This is what the world
calls principle; he has owed me half crown for
seven years, and wears lavender-water!
Conscience. Conscience, be it ever so littlea
worm while welive, grows suddenly to SER
pent on our death-bed.
.Shakspeareate grog.-As for the brandy,
nothing extenuate;" and thewater, "putnought
in, in malice"
True h.'npOr.-A man Of true huner may put
griHfrotn n skeleton.
GaaRb1ing-I never, by chance, hear the
ratting of dice that it doesn't sound to me like
the funeral bell ofa whole family.
a good ascor2a.-We are poor fools, and make
sad mistakes; but'there is goodness hiVeda like.
wild honey, in strange hooks and corners ofithc
world
Hearts-Every man talks of his neighbours
| heart, as though it was all his own watch-a
thing to be seen in all its works, and abused for
irregular going.
The decencies Of ltatrin0nY.-To feel the
chains, buttake especial care theworld shall not
hear them clank. Tisa prudence that often
passes for happiness.
Woman's hedrt.-A womans heart, is like a.
singing bird in cage, if neglected starVes and
dies; but, for mems hearts, why they are free
birds ofprey-vulturesa and hawks-or tbieyish
lnagpies at the best.
Deep qBeetion.-What nature hath hung
about our hearts passes our surgery with skill
to cut away.
MORE KANSAS OuTRAGEs-E Even the rain is
outrageous in Kansas. A correspondent of the
Boston Traveller says that thirteen inches OF rain
fell in one night in that territory.
!. THE Washington Union says that "the admin
I istration has its hands full" One would sup
pose from the very rapid disappearance of the
public money from the National Treasury, that
the administration and all its officers have their
hands full.
An Eastern friend of Senator Sumner wishes
us to publish statement that he recently sub
mitted quietly, without word or vince" TO
have his back scared by his physicians with a
red hot iron. general complaint against the
Senator is that he has submitted ito operations
upon his back O0quietly.
J, A Democratic editor in Kentucky charges
that the American papers are getting less and
], less decent. The fact is they paint truly the
features Of the Sag Nicht party, and that party
is getting uglier and uglief. "a, plague on this
> looking gaSsl" exclaimed forlorn old maid,
lookings glasses are thousand times meaner
. than they were twenty years agol"
Ayoung lad recently3ran away from home and
went to tavern, where he was found by friend
3 with cigar in his mouth. What made you
leave home ?" said the friend. "0h, confound
lit" said he, "father and mother was SO saucy
couldn't stand it any longer, and / quit 'em.'
, AN Irish friend of ours remarks that he is ney.
i er quite sober until he gets half.drunk.
Il We know a good many others who require
the stimulating influence of whiskey toaover.
]. come their modesty, aud make them passable
company. Whisky is scertainly valuable arti.
Gle for stupidity.
FERocrTr often takes the guise Of gentleness
Al. one of the polls yesterday, five men were