The North-Carolinian., 1858-12-04


NIISCELLA -NEoUS-
ABSURD AcCUsATIoN.-1t happened once that
Gov. Foote, when a United States Senator
fell asleep during the delivery of of the
soporifc discourses of Mr. Baldwin, of Connec
ticut While in this state, humorous Sena
tor suddenly awokc him and asked how it came
that he was sleeping at his post when Baldwin
was denouncing him and his State in such in
sultiDg terms. Foote forthwith sprung to the
floor, and in his fiery, impetuous manner poured
forth a torrent of defensive invectve against
the astonlshed Connecticut Senator, who vainly
protested his entire innocence Of any offensive
expressions. will show the Senator" " said
Foote, lie shall not insult me or my State
with impunity. I will teach him that he shall
terry to deny it. Why sir, every Senator on
this floor heard just well as did -
Coeridge once dned in company with per-
who listened to him and said nothing for q
long time but he nodded his head, and Colcr-
idge though him intelligent. At length, tc-
ward the end Of the dinner, appIe-dump
lings placed on the table, and the listener
had no them than he burst forth,
Thems the jockeys for me y Coleridge adds,
wish Spurzhem could have examined The
fellows head
LaIande, the French astronomer, when the
Revolution broke out only paid the more at
tention to the revolutions Of the heavenly
bodies and when he found at the end, that he
had escaped the fury of Robesperre and his
felow-rudians, he gratefully remarked q
may thank my stars for it,
The RULING PAssIoN-In the last illness
of George Coleman, the doctor being late in an
appointment, apologized to his patient saying
that he had been called in to see a man who
had fallen down we'll
Did he kick the bucket, doctor 2" groaned
out poor George.
Plato observes that the minds of children are
like bottles with very small mouths if you at
tempt to fill them too rapidly, much know ledge
is wasted and little received where as, with a
small stream, they are easily filled.
1t was Napoleon who said" Strange as it
may appear when | want good hard-work done
! choose man-provided his education has
been sutable-wth a long nose. His breath
ing is bold and Free and his brain, as we'll as
his lungs and heart, cool and clear. In my
observations of men / have almost invariably
found long nose and head together"
There was much more fact than fancy in the
cross reply of an unfortunate female culprit
when under cross-examinaton in a petty court,
by q brow-beating limb of the law.
Madam" he demacded, &c what sort of
conduct have you pursued through life. that
should subject you to the suspicion Of this out
rage upon the plaintiff 2"
She answered." Impudene, which has been
the making of you, has caused my ruin"
fellow brought to King James L. and
it was said he could eat whole sheep at
meal
{" What else can he do" asked the king,
" more than other men?"
p" Nothing" was the reply
Hang him, then" said James for tits q
pity a man should live who eats the share of
twenty men, aud can do nc more than one"
The lady who made dash has since brought
her husband to full stop.
traveller, relating his adventures told the
company that he and his servant made fifty
wild Arabs run which startling them, be OBJ
served there was no great matter in it" for"
said he, 1--WE ran. and they ran after u.s."
REASONABLE GUEss.-A tipsy Irishman,
who was leaning against lamp-post as a fu-
neral procession was passing by, was asked who
was dead2
-" can't exactly say, sir" said he, j." but 1
presume 1t is the jntleman in the coffin"
What is the difference between sailor and
soldier! One tars his ropes, and the other
pitches his tent
-. " hos there ?" said policeman to pas
sing ngure one dark night. Its I, don't be
araid' kindly replied an old woman
good story is told of an old Scotch High
land minister, who did considerable business in
the marriage line, much more so than the rest
OF MS brethren, on account of the peculiar man.
ner he went through the ceremony. After the
usual questions and answers being given. he
generally concluded with the following And
for this cause shall man leave his father and
mother, and the tica shall be one beef"
IT LEAKs.-A friend, says an exchange. re-
turning from depot few mornings since with
bottle of freshly imported Maine Law" sa W
young lady whom he must inevitably join.
So, putting the bottle under his arm, he softly
walked alongside.
We'll, said the young lady, after disposing
Of health and the weather, what is that bun
die under your arm?'-from which she discov-
cred a dark fluid dripping.
Oh! nothing but coat that the tailor has
been mending for me-
Oh! it's coat, is it? Well you'd better
carry it back and get him to up one more
hole-it leaks -
A testy lawyer in court found himself both
ered with knotty witness who couldn't ex-
PLAIN as he desired, the difference between the
thick and long kinds OF whalehone.
why, man. said he, you don't seem to
know the distinction between thick and long
4a'as. | dew