Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1858-10-21
Tenlperante Mattet*
GOOD HIT.

The following is form the IusKegee De'
mocrat. 1t is decidedly good hit, and as such'
we give it push, and at the same time re-
quest all candidates to read, reflect and re,
form, provided they see themselves afflicted
here.-Alabama paper.
SECOND CHAPTER OF THE BOOK OF cANDI-
DAIEsi
A voice came unto ME, saying: Arise,
Slungshot, and go forth into the land which
is called Texas, and show thyself to the peo-
pie thereof, and proclaim thyselfa candidate;
and when thou shalt come to the house OF
one Neagle, thou shalt treat all the people
thereabouts, and set the 'swillers' on regu'
lar BENDER
And when reached the sJuicery,' be-
hold swell head came to me, and his eyes
were like unto two cranberries, and out of
his mouth came assafetida, and he had an
empty bottle, and his nose was like can
Ger.
And he said unto me CONTEST thou from
the land of Drug Stores, and Of the city of
"Jugs" Yea, verify, I answered / did
And he said my soul thirsteth for wisdom.
water, and will tarry, for the day is far
spent. -,
Then I said unto him: Let not thy soul
be troubled, for I will gil thy bottle and send
thee on thy way rejoicing. Then the rum
suckers heart was made glad, and he swore
he would poll two votes for me on the day Of
domination.
pE Verify set him down as two votes.
Notwithstanding We had taken four drinks
together, he said; Art thou Whig or
Democrat l told him I was neither; for l
was afraid to tell. Then he asked me sec.
ond time: Art thou Fire Eater or Know
Nothing? told him was candidate for
the people.
Then said he unto me: Knowest thou
the man Gooberpea, who hath nose like a
claw-hammer, and teeth like unto nail
clamps, and countenance like wilted
pumpkin, and voice like a circular saw?
Yea, Verify, said, he hath pledged him
self to support me, and lend me documents
which could make some of the tribe of Of:
fee seekers howl, even as Preston howl
ed.
And behold the rum sucker left me, and
the log on which sat rolled from under me,
and fell asleep and dreamed dream, and
behold there came an old candidate and said
unto me, except ye carry a full bottle ye can
n no wise be elected.
Whosoever, therefore, shall provide him
self with good liquor he shall be foremost
on the day of election. And whosoever
turn up his nose at bottle, intends to vote
for nobody.
Woe unto the man who shall 20 forth
without his bottle-it were better for him
that stone jug were hanged about his neck,
aud that he were cast on feather bed.
And if thy whiskey offend them, suck it
out, and send it to Choctaw for stagger juice;
for it is better for thee to have hell's fire
than ice water; whatever maketh drunk
come, shall serve thee on election day.
Take heed that ye despise not these little
things, for Isay unto you that one nan is as
good as another in the eyes of the drunk.
ard.
And when thou art asked for thy opinion,
be sure that thou art mum and make thy
countenance like sponge, which will soak
up every mans smile.
Thou shalt wheedle with thy tongue, and
coincide with every man, and always shalt
show preference for the strongest candidate,
who is not running for the same Office as thy
self.
Verify, verify, I say unto you, be always
seen at church, and treat in every rum hole,
and kiss every baby whose father has vote
and unto him that is in need lend thy money
freely. If thou shalt see fight, take sides
with both combatants, and swear that both
are right. Never fail to wink at him that
this is green, and swear it is all right when
thou art rubbed rather closely by strangers.
Be sure that thou oppose not the strong
est party, and never condemn 6re.eater.
Whenever thou hast hard case to deal
with, take him to log, when thou shalt sit
down with him, and be sure to help him to
abuse his enemies and when thou shalt get
the key to his feelings, unlock his soul and
fill it up with rot.gut. Then a6r set him
down as one! Be sure that thy friends all
vote in the morning. Keep them supplied
with 'bust head,' and they will fight and
bruise each other up SO that they will not be
known when they come again in the evening
to vote.
Now if thou art beaten, and thy party re-
fuse to elect thee, quit at once, aud swear
that it is rotten and call them Abolitionists,
and set the mark of the beast upon them,
because they have forced thee out at the
slittle end of the horn
And when I aWoke the demagogue was
gone, and I crept into doggery and finished
my nap. Yours, truly, SLUNGSHOT.
DRUNKENNESS IN THE OLDEN TINE
According to the Plymouth records, April
l G..