Staunton vindicator and general advertiser. (Staunton, Augusta County, Va.) 1858-1860, 1858-04-17
How He Came to Be Married.

How He Came to be Married.
It may be funny but I've done it. I've
got rib and baby. Shadows departed
oyster stevs, brandy cocktails, cigar boxes,
boot Jacks, Ascending shirt buttons, whist
| and demijohns. Shadows present-ho hoop
skirts, band boxes, ribbons, CATERS, long
stockings, juvenile dresses, tin trumpets,
little willow chairs, cradles, bibs, pap, su-
gar teats, paregoric, hyye syrup, castor
oil, Godfrcy's cordial, soothing syrup, rhu-
barb, SIENNA, salts, sauills and doctors bills.
SHADOWS future-more nine pound babies,
more hive syrup, etc, etc. I'll just tell
you how got caught | was almost the
darndest, most tea custard bashful fellow
you ever did see; it vas kinder in my line
to be taken with the shakes every time
saw pretty gal approaching me, and la
cross the street any time rather than face
one; .twasn't because ! didn't like the
critters, for if was behind the fence look
ing through knot-Aole, couldn't look at
one long enough. Well, my sister Lib
gave party one night, and ! stayed away
| from home because [ was too bashfull to face
the music. | hung around the house whist
ling Old Dan Tucker, dancing to keep my
feet warm. watching the heads bobbing up
! and down behind the window curtains, and
wishing the laundering party would break
up so | could get to my room. smoked
up bunch of cigars, and as it was getting
late and mighty uncomfortable, concluded
to shin up the door post. No sooner said
than done, and soon put myself snug in
bed. Now says |, let her ripl Dance
till your wind gives ontp And cuddling
under the quilts, Morpheus grabbed me
| Was. dreaming of soft shell crabs and
stewcd tripe, and was h.ving a good time,
when somebody knocked at the door and
woke me up. Rap again. laid low.
Rap. rap, rap! Then | heard whisper
ing and knew there was whole raft Of
gals outside. Rap, rapv Then Lib sings
out, Jack, are you in there? Yes says
u. Then came roar Of laughter. Let
US in says she. I WON'T says I, cant
you let fellow ulone?' Are you abedp
says she. 1 am, says I. Get up. says
she. I won'.,' says L. Then came an
other laugh BY thunder | began to get
riled. Get out you pettcoated scare
crowsp ! cried; cant you get beau with
out hauling fellow out Of bed Z? / won't
60 homo with you-1 won't-so you may
clear out I And throwing boot ct the
door felt better. But, presently, oh !!
| mortal buttons! | heard still small voice,
very much Ike sister Lib's and it said !:
! jack, you'll have to get up, for all the
girls things are in there = Oh, Lord,
| what pickle Think Of me in bed, all
covered with shawls, mufs, bounets and
'loaks, and twenty girls outside the door
Saiting to gut in! II had stopped to
think | should have pancaked on the spot.
| AS it was, | relied out among the bonnet
wire and ribbons in hurry. Smash 7
vent the millinery in every direction had
| to dress in the dark-for there was crack
in the door, and the girls will peep and the
way fpiabled about was death Oh straw
hats. The critical moment game. open
cd the door, and found myself right among
the women. oh, my Leghorn Z cries one.
My dear darling, winter velvet' cries an
other, and they pitched in-they pulled me
This way and that, boxed my ears and one
Ebright-eyed little picce--Sal-- her name
Ewas-p put her arms right around NY nee k,
and kissed me right on NY lips. Human
natarc oculdl't stand that, and I gave her
as good as she scrt. 1t was the first time I
lever got taste, and it was powerful good
| believe could hoye kissed that gal from
Julius Cnsar.to the Fourth Of July
Jack, said she, we are sorry to disturb
you, hut won't you see me holneY Yes
said |, i will I did do it, and had an
other smack at the gate, too. After that
We took kinder turtle-doyiBg after each
other, both Of .us signing like barrel Of
new cider, when we we're away from each
other. Twas at the .slese,> of a glorious
summer day the sHn Was setting behind a
distant hen roost-thc bull frogs were COM
mencing their evening songs-the polly
wogs,in their native mud~puddles were pre-
pairing themselves for the shades Of night
and Sal and myself sat upon an antiquated
backlog, listening to the music :. Of nature,
such as tree toads, ROSTERS and grunting
|pigs, and now and then tie mellow music
Of distant jackass was waited to our ears
by the gentle zephyrs that sighed among
the mullen stalks, and came heavy laden
with the delicious odor of hen roosts and
|pig styes. The last lingering rays of the
setting sun, glanciag from tie brass but
tons Of g solitary horseman shone through
knot hole in the hog pen full in SAILS face,
ldyeing her hair an orange peel hue. and
showing off my threadware coat to bad adj
vantage-onc Of my arms was around savs
waist, my hand resting on the small Of her
back-she was toying with my auburn
locks Of jet black hue-she was almost gone
land was ditto. She looked like grass
hopper dying with the hiccups, and felt
ike mud turtle choked with cod fish
bali. Sal, says I. in a. voice musical as
the notes of dying ar7an, will you have
ne2' She turned her eyes heayenward,
claspcd me by the hand, had an attack Of
the heaves and blind staggers, and with q
sigh that drew her shoe strings to her pal
ate, said 'Yeev She gave clear out then,
and squatted in my lap-she corkscrewed
and curnumixed and rolled in it. hug
gcd her till | broke my suspenders, and her
breath smelt of onions she eat two weeks
before Well, to make long story short,
she set the day, and we practiced for -four
weeks every night how we would walk into
the room to be married, till we got SO VIZ
could walk as graceful as couple Of Mus
coyy ducks. The night, the company, ant
the Minister came, the signal was given