The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1858-12-23

canonization. did not see why / could not
be quite as good as a Protestant, as could as
a Catholic. Besides, being good was not pre-
cisely what 1 cared about SO much at first.
wanted to do something great. know it was
very wrong said Constance, blushing beauti-
fully. $3.50 'iaH-. - 100
"Do you, dearest? Not caring to be good
would be indefensible, to be sure but how can
you know that it was wrong in you to wish to
do something great ,"
"Why-because-1s supposed it must be-be-
cause the bishop told me so afterwards, when
confessed to him that was not contented with
dong some dull work, which the Sisters had
given me. You must ask him why it was so, if
you do not see."
O. do not must own. 1t seems to me
doctrine whose tendency is forever to tie down
great powers to small performances. Do not
you remember the parable of the talents? From
those to whom much is given, much will be re-
quired. This desire to do something great, like
all other desires implanted in US by our Maker,
requires to be hallowed, and kept within its
due bounds. 1t must not be suffered to degen-
crate into desire to do something greater than
our neighbors, for then it would lead us to
grudge and envy them their successes, and to
wish that their works might be the less, that
ours might be greater; but as long as we can
restrain our desire of greatness to desire to do
our utmost to Guido our past selves, and to
glorify our Heavenly Father by the glorious
deeds of His children, and, above all. so long as
we keep it, with all our other tastes and wishes
down under a paramount desire to do His will,
whether in great things or little, it seems to me
that it may tend to His service, and to the com
ing of His kingdom on earth"
We'll, l cannot tell. You must talk with
Bishop. shall be very glad if you do not find
1t wrong; for long to see you great, to have
the rest of the world see you as great as do, /
mean. However; what wanted was happiness
or at least forgetfulness, the absorption of all
the powers Of my vacant mind, that were
preying upon ME, in some grand career. Don't
you remember Michael SCOTS demon? |
had one like his. / knew that it would tear
me unless l could find work for it but, if
could, l thought that it might do great things
believed thatit was strong; for else how could
1t have rent and convulsed me so? / did not
wish to confess nor care about absolution. Re-
morse was not my trouble; nor was fear did
not imagine that eternity had in store for me
any torment worse than the restlessness, aimless-
ness, and hopelessness, that gnawed away my
spirit day by day. A sister infirmarian told me
afterwards of state of trance in which the suffer
er may lie, incapable of speech or motion, for
hours or days, and even permit himself to be
life and conscious death. Such state, it
seemed to me. was mine, combined with a
mental cramp, which made movement a neces-
sty, and immObility an added torture. NV
Destiny had taken the form of nightmare, and
sat upon my breast, Whispering Hush when
l would have cried out, and Be still when
would have struggled. Do you think many
women lead such lives, Herman? Do YOU
think one could lead long life so? Oh, how
merciful my God has been to me!
/ said something like that to the Bishop,
one day; for, slow as l was in putting myself
under his direction, he was very patient with
me, and came often to see me, watching over
me with soiicitude and sympathy which he
could not conceal, though he never forced it
upon me. He had often desired me to visit
some OF the converts and now he askedsAunt
Cora to take me to see the Orphan Asylum of
st. Barbara. She was delighted with the sug-
gestion; for she had already taken me to see
all the secular sights in the city, and was almost
in despair of finding anything new in which she
could hope to interest me.
Beautiful, majestic Sister Corona came to
meet us, with a lovely rosy child of eighteen
months asleep upon her shoulder, with its
dimpled hands clasped round her neek--such a
living picture of Innocence reared by Holiness
She always seemed to me the likeness of some
|
canvas. She welcomed us with a smile that
was like a benediction, and took us to see the
other little children at their play. Isn't it
enough to do your heart good my dear? said
she, seeing me smile at one of them.
| "' Heartl cried j, turning almost sharply
upon her; have no heart; or it is ossifed.'
| "'Oh, no, dear daughter said she, with a
sort of cheerful, hopeful tenderness, which she
always had in her voice Don't think SO. 1t
may have been paralyzed by some rude shock :;
but it will be sure to soften and grow warm
again. if you do but press a little child to it
often enough. If you have none at home, come
to me when it aches and will lend you nv
best and sweetest
"'I was ashamed to look at Aunt Cora for
| had seldom taken much notice of my good
humored, noisy little cousins, except as an in
terruption. When we went home, / called them
all about me upon this sofa and on my knee,
told them stories, and felt better. had re-
ceived the first of many good lessons and
week by week, and soon day by day, went to
the sisters for more, and seldom failed to find
what sought, while my heart, and mind, and
imagination, were all fired by what | saw and
heard among them. Here at last, thought, |
had found a mode of life offered to young and
lonely woman, neither listless, aimless useless,
solitary, nor unguided. Among the sisterhood,
l found ardor and enthusiasm nor vet enthu-
siasm only, but organization, power, obedience,
action, and benefcent daring. Their order
connected them with past ages and far coun-
tries. Their individual histories were some
times full of romantic interest and adventure.
They never knew, when they rose in the morn
ing, where they were to sleep at night, nor
where the sun was next to rise upon them.
Where they were sent, they went at moment
notice, without word, sigh, or tear, rejoicing
if they were found worthy to suffer in their
Master 8 cause-eyen into plague-stricken cities,
where TO go was death, and there most joyfully,
because through them lay the shortest roads
into His presence. They rushed upon the field
of battle, into the thunder and lightning, and
the hail-storm of shot, with hearts as strong and
more fearless than those Of their brethren who
went there to wound and to say for to them,
to die was but gain. Here was career which
angels might well watch and call glorious. l
longed to share it,
"And well you might, my storm-queen!"
But in order to do so, Herman, you perceive
| that it was necessary for me to become Cath
Ole, if could. One might say, indeed, that
might have learned to lead as useful religious,
and active life, as Protestant; and theoret-
ically, suppose might but practically, /
don't think should. had yet to learn the
very alphabet of selfsacrifce, obedience, and
humility. / had no habits of regular industry.
/ was indolent and inexperienced, and ALSO
lutely needed, before / attempted to work by
myself, to serve an apprenticeship to some per-
son or persons who had right to set me to
work every day, show me how to work, and see
that did my work. Left to myself, | should
but have exerted myself for the poor or sick in
very ignorant and inefficient manner for morn
ing now and then, aud then idled week or a
| month. should not have wished to enlist myself