Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-05-26
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

Il
A Lady's hair, like the latest news.
is found in the morning papers.
-"Please exchange" said our print
er'S devil when he kissed his sweet
heart Sal.
-"Boy, how did you manage to oct
such big string of fish ?" Il hooked
them, sir.'
As a proof of the hardness of the
times, man up in Ohio only kills half
a pig at a time.
The man who couldn't stand it am
longer, has taken seat; and now feels
quite comfortable
-'Pat' are YOU ashlape 90 Devil
the ashlape." ''Thin be afther linden
quarther - ''I'm ashlape be iabers -
The man who never saws nothing
to nobody, was married last week to
the lady who never speaks i'll of no
one.
There is a man out West who la
bors under the dcluSion that "IIon.''
placed before a mans name stands for
honest.
Mrs. Partington says she was much
elucldated last Sunday, on hearing
fine concourse on the parody Of the pro
digious son.
Red cheeks are only oxygen in an
other shape. Girls anxious TO wear a
pair will find them where the roses do
out of doors
An exchange paper says the most
glorious and lovely work of nature is
woman, the next, man, and the third.
Berkshire pig!
"A popular writer says that fine
coat covers a multitude of sins If is
still truer that such coats cover 4 null
titude of sinners,
A young girl committed suicide be-
cause her mother refused her a new
bonnet. Coroner's verdict-"Came to
her death by expensive spunk."
"A man who avoids matrimonv on
account of the cares of welded life. is
compared to one who would amputate
leg to save his toes from corns.
The Sunday Atlas says: eIIurrah
for the girls of'76r' s'Thmderr' cries
Jersey paper ''That's too darned
Old. Hurrah for the girls of seventeen.''
Horace Mana, in recent address
said: ''We who live in the West boast
OF our great rivers Of water. [ would
much rather we could boast Of using a
tub full of it every day"
4ty.-A phriend pheeline phunnylv
phlgurative FURNISHES the phollowinc:
"4ty 4tunate testers, 4tuitously 4tifvino
4lorn 4tresses 4cibly 4badc 4tv 4niiida,
ble 4elgners aiming 4aging Aces.
-'1f dared,'' writes correspond.
ent, Il would hint to some oftbe ladies'
who engage in whirling dances, that it
might be well to load the bottom Of
their dresses, at least the back part.''
-"Mother, send for the doctor
'Why, my son % '"Cause why that
man in the parlor is going to die: he
says he would if sister Jane did not
marry him, and Jane said she wouldn't.
"A correspondent asks what is the
''mllk OF human kindness 90 We pre-
sumo 1t means the milk used at hotels
on the public tables, after having the
cream taken off for ''private boariers 70
The Southern Era notices the mar
riage of Mr.. John H. Strange to Miss
Elizabeth A. Strange, all of Albermarle
| mt At,a Il,
very Strange, but says, no doubt the
next event will be little ,2ranger.
Two couple were married in New
Baltimore, Md, recently, under pecul-
lar circumstances. Twin sisters mar
RED twin brothers, and the parties were
each "a years Of age, and the wedding
day was the anniversary of the birth
day Of the ladies.
-"Bridget, you must wash your
hands before you mould the bread.'
g Sure ma'am, don't think it's best to
be wasting time on that at all. 'Tis
but bare three weeks since the day I
cum to ye,- an didn't / wash 'em clane
that very day; an indade, what have [
done since that time that's nasty wild
'em 90
-Ihe Boston museum says the fol-
lowing postscript to an Irish letter can
be seen at that Office :-EsDeur Hike:
If you don't get this letter al all. let
us know it, and I'll raise the devil with
the postmaster. AM mind. now. We
don't pay a clint Of the postage in ad-
vance till We get the letter safe from the
Office
An old topper was induced to sign
the temperance pledge, which he kept
religiously for some weeks. At last he
got decidedly balmy, and one of his
friends demonstrated with him for his
faithlessness to his obligations. s"To be
sure, signed the pledge; but / was
tremendously dry, and all signs fail in
dry times
Montague, who was great unon
doctors, used to beseech his friends that
If he fell i'll, they would let him oct a
little stronger before sending for the
doctor! Louis XIV, who was slave
to his pyhsicians, asked his friend NIL;