Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1853-1862, 1858-06-30
FOR THE ONION AND AEERcnN.
Sut LOvengOOd's Chest story.
By 81. OF TENN.


Sut LOvengOOd's Chest story.
BTs-L, OF TENN.
I told yOu, George, that Sicily an her bOss, ole
Clapshsw, warnt sgWine ter pull well in the same
yoke as soon as I seed the orful msfortinate start
they got No man an oman could ever get as elOst
as man and wife should, arter sich hi owe fuss
an hurtin as tuck place at ole Burns that day.
Theyse al got spite ct me yet about that trubH.
an I sEar warnt tu blame for hit "Ole Sock Z"
ortsr bemade beef Ouen: he did hit all; and yet the
cusssd fools don't blame him bit. lie Ortsr have
his burned haslet cut outenh him. an III du hit fur him
ef ever ketches him, fur gittin me inter trubil,
arter he did all the devilment, while has to bar
the blame Now ANT hit hard that being material
born d-d fool es / owns l is, has to bar the
blame Of the doins Of infunel stumpy hon'd, curly
faced hole fool bull an that, too, arter I'd dun
him kindness, putin the baskit hsudil over his
hons 50 be could eat the corn while he war trav-
elm fur I swar they'd mauled him good sf they
had kotch him q eatin owe hit. He's a. OBgrsteful
beast, an III 20 him Wus than the bees ole Mills
bull did. I'll wheel barrer him into Eternity, an
ole Burns IN, mine ef don't
y
list rail my tung to a tree an then skeer me till
reels my hole eareuss inter about a mile Of tung
an tbarn be nolhin left but my bones en- tu the
toe nails perhaps ascrimpshun Oflaigs, ansPleOv
rags an har at Inc eend Of HIT She don't ne Hf
in H01g an III tell you how paid up-it wer about
syin by corn time when she married that hard
faced, meaty listed, grOanin ole euss. At mex aig-
nog time begin to see that he wernt her ''afiIiy
es school teaebin oman called HIT when she wanted
to oircumvent me so as tu get her wood cut an her
mar eurried. George, did you ever heva strong
minded oman git arter yOu-a rale he oman
"No" Wen, ef ever Wun dOes-jist you fgbt her
like she wore whiskers or run like HI, si
YOU don't, ef she don't turn you inter kidney
worm'd hog what cant raise his bristes in less nor
a month, you ar more or less eve man than
takes YOU 70 be- Owe sll the varmints ever seed
Ise fealdest Of them. They aint human theyse
an ekal miItry owe stud hoss, black snake, goose,
peaeock briiches-su id raskil They wants
tn be man and es they mt they fzesup thar case
by bein devils. Take keer owe EN-; you'd better
cum in contact with eOmit ur a coal porter than
Wun owe EN- eny time They'll undermine your
constitution sure.
Well, matters rocked along, all hands dOin es they
pleased and I a watehin Ov em-fur Wur arter
revenge-Ontil about the time hosses begin tn squea
and tuckys tn gobble discovered her "afinity."
She wur runniu an Oppelsishun line to the ole
chicken eater, in cahoole With q man powfull vita
pills an squts-DoctOr Gus Fabin-an they Wsr
makia fast time, all cone Aions an the male Wer
kerried pufeetly fust rate An don'tmuCh wonder
she never did feel warm tu old ClapshaW; hit Wus
the suckit riders charm what fOeh her sgin her
will George, youse got heap tn larE yit. There
am three varmints what kin charm Wimmin an
brds-the suekit rider, the cat an the black snake
They kin du hit, an owe ever misses 3
chance. Ef he'd pet mOckinbird an darter,
I'd make war on all cats an sukit riders-Td fill the
beryin groun with WuD, an the big sink hole with
tuther; an I'd hev barrel full owe byme books an
claws es medals owe my skin in olost shOOtin. /
seed loaded shot gun once lyin broadsde ontu the
counter owe CongdOns store, and thar Wer cat
washin owe her face top owe hat box, an a gukit
rider wer tryin tn git Congdon tu gin sumtbiu tu
Pay fur overooats fur the piOus sepOys" at luther
and owe the room; ar durn'd ef hit didn't cock
hitself, an then swung round ike che ueedle owe
compus, fust towards one an then luther. I dunO
how ofss at last went off-killed the cat es ded
es be d-d, and tu ker barreH tore of four squar
yards owe he sukit riders overcast tail. He ris Ia
the ceilin an lit Iunnin. Thar's iEstink in
shot guns about this thing, sartin; fur you never
seed a sukit rider with one in his han, nur cat
what loved The smell owe gunpOWder
Well, arter larnt what road they thar line
over, an all The pints owe the case, vent tu work
tu gin both a skeer, an him little huriin. DSot.
Gus Fabin wer WuR owe EN-; the boys ealrd him
Gut Fatty fur short, an be eaPd EN- "imperdent
onedica,ed id jackasses" fur long. lie Wur jist
four foot fourteen inches high, yer taller lyin
down than when be Wer standia up. His eyes Wer
like ontu two huckelberrys es tn color aud size,
stuck deep inter big ball owe red putty. Eff he'd
been killed an billed a hOgshead owe lye, he'd a
made soap enuf tu washed away the sins eve
! whole koow-uoJhiu Congressional deestriet-Con-
gresham, lawyers, wimmen an all He dress'd
| hissef Ia kiH, an rid a mOnsous big black hoss,
seventeen hans nigh an nj ontu seventeen feet long
/ When l got done with him his perpOrshuns Wsr
chaDged-he wurnt over ten hans high, an es long
es one owe ole Bullin's sarmints. he'd gethsred
an hid fust rate lot owe fox fire. all reddy tn use
Well one night found this black king hoss hitehsi
tn a swiugin limb in 81 sink hole not fur ahiad
ole Clapshaw's house, an he yer oUsr t1s mouhla q
eglssiin store debts; tuck OF The Doctors squar
bodied saGdil bags an sarehed EN-, an tuck all the
docterin truck outsn the vals an boxes, an poured
hit inter his half-full big botti owe whisky shuok
hit al good and jist drenched the dmned big drOm-
edary boss with the last spoonful. Hit Wsr the
biggest mixtry eve dost ever tuck BY man ur
beas,e, septin owe my soda. stole set owe PlOW
geers Outen the stable put on The ole black pa
tieni, now laborin onder my Perskripshun (Warnt
hit beyaut common doetsrin2)i then lied Jumps
owe fox fire all over the harness, inter his name,
Onter his years. He lOOked-tbe ole black devil
did-liks onter q star lite night, convention oVs
big litenin bugs mixed with scattered camp FIRE
But his cok, VERT nuthin tu his feelins afore he
got dun with hit, ef 1 EN- eDy judge owe medicine
,~ixed with an orfu skeer p0Wful site good
so hurtin Then splieed on tn the onder sidso ore