The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1858-05-26
From the Norwalk Experiment.
!" ARTEMUS WARp."

An Ell . w Ah1
This illussrious 4" sherman. ''who has
gained world wide reputa'ion by bis
letters to the Cleveland Iozutn Dealer,
has been baked in his route by the sill,
and pointless limitations which have ap-
peareG as I" original y in several other
papers, not authorized by aArtcnus -
to ''map out the places in which his
- kangaroo, snaix aud wax wuTks will
be exhibited We suggest to our co.
temporaries that they ;ough. not to in-
terfere with the show: "Artemus Ward
is rightfully the property of c F. Brown,
the clever and spicy Associate Editor Of
the Plain Dealer, and it is too bad tha,
others should attempt to "steal his
thunder y and ruin the show bizDess
Our friends should not be impatient. i
they will cease their Interference, the
Snowman will no doubt soon return from
his western trip and visit the principal
towns through this country in which be
has not already exhibited Those edi-
tors who do ring in aud mislead the pub
lie with regard to the route of Artemus,
need not expect that he will have his
" bills struck off at their ofis" when be
visits their localities.
AS specimen of the letters which
"Artemus" has written to the Dealer,
we copy the following descriptions of his
visit to Ober in. It is decidedly rich,
aud we think all must acknowledge that
Brown speaks through "Ar;emus'' in q
very funny style.
oberln mch 27 1888
Cent? keep sturrin my stumps
In the langwidge of the Poit,
No Penned up Utiky kontracts my powers
Tho hole boundlis conlernant is ours.
I arove in Oberlin larst Wensdy awf
brite and awl gay, Sirs. 1 kawled on
perfesser Finny of the Kollidge two ask
his consent for to exhibit my wax works
aud beasts of pray. in Kolonial Haul
used by the stujents to speak pieces and
reed essays into & other litteray pur
pusses. SEE the Perfesser, mister Ward.
don't know bout this ere bisniss Whai
air yure sentiments? See i, i baint gut
any. Goodness, sez he, doc under
stand yu two say yu hav no sentimunts,
mister Ward? SEE i, not darn senti-
munt. Stz he mister Ward don't yure
blud bile at the thawt that three milyuDs
and harf of yure cullered brethren air
a claukin their cnains In the South? SEE
/, not a bile-let 'em clank. He was
abowt two continer in this foury strane
when stopt him. Sez l Perfesser,
Artemus Ward Is my name, and Ameri-
ky is my nashun, line alters the same,
tho humbel is my stashun, and i've bin
into the show bisniss p years. pays
my way aud minds my own b:sniss. If
git meel of vittles, 1 kan pay for it,
Now, scz i, the plot is kan 1 have Kol-
onial haul at fair prise to exhibit my
wax works aud things 10? Sez he mis-
ter Ward you air indowd with hiiy
practical mind, aud awltho it is eourse
of deap regret to me that you air deroyd
of sentiments, will let you hav the
hau. providid yure show is of a mortal
and eIevatin natur. See taint anything
shorter. Sow hear i am in Koloni1i
haul, which is krowdid every mite. Awi
the stujents cum to my show and air de-
lifted Herewith Perfesser Faircbiid
gazis for hours upon my Capgeroo. Last
mite my Cangeroo set up the most un!
airthly yellin yu ever heard and startid
to hosswhip. the apImil but the Perfesser
scd mustn't doc it. Don't allow the
animils little exsentrissities to disturb
WI, mister Ward, seq he. Sez doc yu
kali sirh outrajus hollerin as that air a
little exseDtrissity? Sez he i do. my
friend, sayin which he warked up two the
kage and seq he, let US tri moral swash-
un. and he commenced to pat.the beast
on the he'd, kawlin him little feller-
poor little feller, &c. The Caugeroo
let the Perfesser paw round him spell
aud then with terrifiick yell grabbed
him by the hand and bit him outrajusly.
thwat shood split my sides lar6n to
see the Perfesser jump and screrm with
pane. Sec he, misterWard, that air s
daujerus quadrerpid. Heze toterly de-
praved l will retire and doc my lass
Grated hand up in rag, and durin my
absence l request yu-two meat out
severe and summery punishment to the
beast. 1 hosswhipt the little reperbatc
over fifteen minits. guess licked sum
exsentrisity out of him.
Oberlin is CRATE plase. The Kol-
lidge opens with a prayer and then the
New York Tribune is read A kol
lecshun is then taken up to buy ever
keats With red horn buttons onto them
for the indignant cullerod peple of Kan.
ady. hav to contr,bit libraiiy two the
plorius work az they kawl it hear. ime