Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-06-30
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

-Charms-a fortune of fifty thous-
and dollars. Counter charns-prettv
shop-girls.
An impossibility-two women with
large hoops trying to walk under
small umbrella.
-Couldn't somebody invent a soap
to enable mamas to get their daugh-
ters off their hands,
"A drunkard's nose is said to be .
lighthouse, warning us Of the little wa
ter that passes underneath.
"A horse dealer, describing a used
mp horse, said he looked ''as if he had
been editing a daily newspaper"
She that marries man because
he is good match," must not be su-
prised if he turns out ''Lucifer.''
We have heard of fellow who
was determined to commit suicide.
even if he perished in the attempt.
-"That, sir, is the Spirit of the
Press" said Mrs Bigelow, as she hand
ed . glass Of cider to her neighbor, Mr.,
Brown. ~
A man was brought into Court
yesterday, in our city, upon grave
charges. They were charges for bury
ing his wife.
A wag who was asked to buy
bank note detector, said he would
purchase it if it would detect bank
note in his pocket.
-"Will you have me Sarah?'' said
young man to shy young lady.
"No, john" said she, ''but YOU may
have me if You like
TO kill bedbugs, take corrosive
sublimate and daub it all over your
bedstead: then burn your bedstead and
clothing and move to another house.
"A lady's drawing-room is that in
which she receives company an artists
that in which he makes pictures, and
dentists that in which he pulls teeth.
A large portion Of the swamps of
Florida is said to be capable of produc-
ing FIVE hundred bushels of frogs to the
acre, with alligators enough for fsnc,
ing. ...-..-..
What q goose - chap in Al
bany advertises that he will make an
aquatic excursion on the river, in a
washtub, drawn by four highly train,
ed geese. What next?
That was very singular mistake
made by Diggs, at the wedding, who.
when introduced to the bride, wished
she might enjoy many returns of the
present happy occasion.
-"Mr. Brown, why do you wear
that bad hat 90 II
because, my dear sir, Mrs. Brown
says she will not go out of the house
with me until I get new one.
1t is said, that in one of towns in
California, seven-eighths of the popula-
ton are under twenty-one years ofage.
The yield Of gold ought to be abundant
where minors are so numerous. .
One Of the editors Of the Boston
Post says eve have enjoyed the
world as much as others, but have ney-
er been happier than when a boy we
found partridge's nest with eleven
eggs in it.''
Our BRAINs.-Says the Autucfat,
Our brains arc seventy year clocks
The angel of life winds them up once
for all: then closes the cases, and gives
the key into the hand Of the angel Of
the resurrection. .---.
You'll have to bear the response
bility," said mother to bright eyed
Young daughter Of our acquaintance,
who thought of marrying without the
maternal appreciation. Il expect to
bear several, ma" said Fanny.-Pre1,-
hee.
Youth is a glorious invention.-
While the girls chase the hours, and
YOU chase the girls, the months seem to
dance away "with down upon their
feet. What pity summer is short:
before YOU know it lovers become dea-
cons, and romps, grandmothers,
A Connecticut sebeolmaster asked
a lad from Newport, GLOW many Gods
are there p The boy, after scratching
his head some time, seplied: 81 don't
know how many yoy have in Connect
icut, but we haYe none in Rhode Is,
land"
The late Rowland Hill once said,
on observing some person enter his
chapel to avoid the rain that was fall
ing: s
Many persons are 80 be blamed for
making then religion a cloak; but I do
not think those much better who make
it an umbrella"
An ADVERTISING CGERGYMAS.-A 4
Chelsea Mass clergyman, alive to
the Importance Of advertising, has late
ly had printed some 500 cards of gem
eral distribution, informing his friends
Of the fact that bis church has free
Seats" and expressing his willingness
to officiate at baptism, marriages, and
funerals !
"A Clergyman catechizng the
youths Of his church, put the first ques-
ton to a girl 1s
What is your consolation in life and
death ?"