The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-07-10
outcries, I proceeded to narrate the story of

| HANkYS AND THE wiDo" oLsieh'hiDE'
When Hanky Wander Heyden first came
to this part of tho country-some twenty
five years ago--the Widow Ravenplume was
considered rather fast woman. She
bought lottery tickets, played winning hand
Of whist, and patronizcd cock.6gh,s, or,
as she modestly termed them, chanticleer
| battles. She was masculine appearing
woman-tall, gaunt and grenadier like
| She had large hands and feet, and threw
her head back when she walked, for all the
world like the man who carries the brass
drum in our German band. She was some
what gay in her dress and delighted in fea-
theirs, flowers and bright.colored ribbons.
Of course, she had money ont at interest,
safely invested in bonds and mortgages,
and was called rich and parsimonious.-
The number, Of the years of her life
was, rs an unsolved problem--unknown
even her intimate friend Miss Pru-
dence Jones, did not know it; and when
she failed to know q thing, no one else
could be expected to. The widow wore
false hair-a front-piece, with puffs, which
was very becoming. She had false teeth
made of white wax, which she shaped anew
every day, ana false ramparts, formed of
the same material as that behind which lay
the defenders of New Orleans, on the 9Th
January, ISIS. The widows Christian
name was Betsy, but when she went into
half mourning-a few mouths after Mr..
Ravenplume's death-she wrote Elizabeth
on her cards, and gravely informed her
friends that henceforth Elizabeth was her
name; though she had about as much right
tot as Hanky would have to call himself
Henry.
1T happened that the first evening on
which Hanky made his appearance in public
which was Mt a 'quiltins bee,' at Mrs. Squire
Bunker's-that the widow was present and
proceeded Immediately to set her foot on his
corns, and lay her hand on his shoulder, and
so led him away a captive. That night Hanky
danced forty times with the widow. He
escorted her to the supper table, where he
loaded her plate with ,ur-krout and dough-
nuts. He waited upon her home, and kissed
her behind the hall door, as he bade her good
night'
sOh, dondern Hanky shouted.
sHe called on the window the next day; he
took tea--cheap black tea--with her the af-
tcrnoon following and the ensuing evening he
invited her to sleigh ride. 'Oh, bitten p
interrupted Hanky, .and away they went.'
'lt was clear, cold, starlight night in
January that the Widow Ravenplume and
Hanky rode out of Lollipop, we'll protected
from the cold by buffalo robes hot bricks and
hot drinks, and glided swiftly along over the
smooth, now.covered track, towards the
Red stores'--some eight or nine miles dis
tant. Upon what subjects Hanky and the
widow conversed while on their way thither,
l do not know; but this much however, /
do know, that on their way back--whether
it were hot toddies, of which he had freely
partaken, or the Aattering words Of the
widow or his remembrance of her bonds and
mortgages, or her gentle pressure of his
hand, or what it was cannot positively say,
but, at all events. whatever it was that in
fucnced him-he Hanky Wander Heyden,
dentist somewhere on that eight or nine miles
did, then and there, offer himself to the said
widow, and was Immediately accepted
Saint Nicholas!' calculated Hanky. .
Katrina looked sober.
| Before twenty-four hours had elapsed,
everybody in Lollipop knew that Hanky and
the widow were engaged to be married.
How any one had learned it, was to the par
ties themselves, mystery. Hanky vowed
to the widow, in very good low Dutch, that
he had never whispered ord of it to liv-
ing soul; and that the widow declared, in
straightforward Yankee--she come from
lsDown-East'-that she had not lisped a
breath of it to any one, except to her dearest
friend, Miss Prudence Jones, and that she,
Miss. Jones, was just the pink of discretion
and the seal Of secrecy.
'Well, the affair, as such affairs usually
do, run along smoothly for while-Hanky
all the time living in clover, partaking of the
widows cheap black teas, and her still
cheaper bakers cakes-which she bought at
the rate of thirteen for ixpence-passng
evenings with her, and occupying his nights
in dreaming of her bonds and mortgages.
But Hanky's love verified at last the words
of the poet concerning the course Of true
love, and one day shortly after Hanky had
presented the widow with an upper and
lower set of enamelled teeth, warranted bet.
ter than originals-she declared, openly and
boldly, in the midst of the sewing society.
that though Hanky Wander Hayden made
very good teeth, she did not think that he
would make as good and perfect husband,
and so the engagement was broken of and
Hanky jilted.'
'Donder and bitten take the widow =
shouted Hanky, 'and Katrina, little woman,
mix him something hot
"A large portion Of the population Of
Lollipop,' l continued, after Hanky had OBJ
tanned from his little woman that for which
he asked, said that the only reason the
widow became engaged to uanky was, that
so she might obtain a set of teeth free of
expense. Even Hanky himself believes
this saying
'Ya,' cried Hanky, sdat is so.'
eAnd now, Hanky,' said, sif you will
play march for me on your fife, l'll bid you
and Katrina good night, and go home.'
'What for?' he asked, because you told
Katrina, dat dondering story about him and
the widow %
'Ya.' cried, mockingly.
'Well, den,' he replied, give the old man
de fife, Katrina
Katrina did SO.
Now, den,' said 1Ianky, when him be-
gins to play, you co.
promised shim' would.
Then much to my amazement and nerri-
ment. Hanky struck up the 'Rogue's March;
and with that complimentary air in my ears,
l departed.
After had reached nv own apartments,
! heard my reighbor, Mrs. Potts in the ad.
joining room, say to her husband, 'John.
john Potts, wake up; Pve got something to
tell you.' 49,.
sNell, replied John.
'Our lodger, Billy Finch, has just come
in,' whispered Mrs P.
well, said Jack.
'Do you know she asked, swhere he ha,
been this EVENING"
Mop groand Jack.
sThcn I'll tell you,' said Mrs. Potts; 'he's
been eoar.ing Katrina Wander Heyden
again.
'Wcll,' answered Jack.
, sWell, indeed!' reiterated Deborah: bu,
it isn't well--it's sin and shame: and il
l were her husband, I'd turn him ou. Of
) doors1
WELL moaned Jack despairingly.
'Oh, you're an unfeeling, miserable
wretch!' exclaimed Mrs. Potts; sto lie by my
side, and cry well, well,' when it isn't wei
but i'll =
And the disconsolste Mrs. p. covered he,
head with the bed clothes, and sobbing, re-
fused to be comforted. Pretty soon heard
Jack snore, and then Mrs. Potts called him q
brute, and fell asleep.