Mountain Democrat. [volume] (Placerville, El Dorado Co., Cal.) 1854-1860, 1858-04-10
Mrs. stubbinS in Difficulty.

We arc sorry for "Mrs. Stubbins;" but
what can arc do about itH The match was
none of our making.
"Itis notorious fact that never work my
self into excessive inspiration or elOqucncc,
when the younger half-dozcn Of my offspring
are playing hidc-and-seck behind my chair,
neither do my thoughts flow 30 freely when n
hand organ and a tamborine are grinding and
Gathering under my window; but there is one
annoyance much worse than either. Il Is
summed up in two wOrds-just ten letters
Mr.. Stubbinsi
"How happened to become possessed Of
that eternal nuisance, deponent saith not in
deed don't know that it is any ones business
to inquire; but will say, for the detrimcnt Of q
certain fortune teller, Miss Stepinfast, now
running loose over the country, and for the
benefit of those by her enticed, that when
she made out in my destiny Jeremiah Stub
bins to be the forcordained partner of my joys
and sorrows, and having consulted the stars,
further prOphesied that said Jeremiah Stub
bins would understand and encourage all my
intellectual proclivilies-she tied politically
speaking, her presentiments were unreal as
shadows; philOsOphically, her statements
were fallaciOus; mathematically. her calcula-
tiOns were incorrect; politely, she was mista-
ken. OF this have constant and indubita-
bic proof; although have sometimes charit-
ably exculpatcd Miss Stepinhst; she might in
noccntly have made blunder in regard to
tho planets, placing mine in undue prOpinqui-
ty to that of Mr.. Stubbins.
Good Heavens! Jeremiah Stubbins' men,
tai integrality par value with mine; when he
never read line Of the immortal Slapenjack,
or Thimblerig; nor poem of the pathetic Sill
Ger, or Blucbottles; never wrote an article for
the ''SquabbltOwn Flambergaster, ," nor prais-
ed any that contributed theretol But these
arc negative proofs come next TO positive
oncs-the overwhelming trials Of my exist
ence.
"Sccnc first for the benefit Of connoisseuu
artists: Room back of the whole suite, vul.
negligc on an elegantly chintx covered lounge
with the auburn hair thrown off my brow
An indefinite number of cherubs (withOut
wings) bending under the weight Of bricks
blocks and hammers for carpentering opera
tions, in the foreground and back ground.
ain engaged in writing my two-vOlume novel
that is to give me fame.
81 had becn thus occupied for the space o.
half an hour, and was just celebrating the
character Of the heroine, Diana, (the plot Aeas
not laid in Ephesus, but this Diana meant
should be after the Ephesian model Of which
| had once seen wood cuD and was pre-
pairing somewhat for her to say on accepting
her lover Dcmctrius, when in came Mr.. Stub
bins. MyhOpe Of success was slightly shaken
but scratched away vigorously. Heard Mr.
Stubbins grumbling because the dinncr.dish
es were not washed, and the bOot,jac had
got into the water-pail; ct which / rouseG
slightly, told him to spread the boot.jack out
to dry, and wash the dishes himself which
things he proceeded to do. took 9 Ions
breath 'NOw, thought. 4 shall have pCace.
But that was at discount The masculine
Bridget had not been long at the sink, before
you would have imagined the dishes had ar
ague fit, such a commOtiOn arose among them
Still wrote: "Thou joy Of all jOysl king o.
-" tremendous crashi Stubbins, baby
and gridiron, all on the floor together. Baby
schrccched from fright. Stubbins took itanC
began to walk the floor in those huge cOwhidt
boots of his. Squeak! squeaki squeak -
Good gracious! " said !, ''sit down." HI
sat down and tiltel the child in chair with
out rockers. Bumpl bhmpl bumpl jarrinG
the whole house. Here demonstrated, anC
urged the necessity of quiet to the succcssfu
prosecution of my literary labors; when Stub
bins put Arabclla down, meekly returned t
his dishes, looking extremely puzzled, anC
clumsily hitting his boots against everything
in his attempts to navigate.-KnickerJOckcl
.Mgazine.