Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-03-11
az Z
ON strag 8ooh.
A Race with a Widow

Oh. merciful Jehosophat and pig on
ions. what a time I've had with that wild
der. We chartered an omnibus for two,
on Christmas. and started. Wilder, said
/. where shall we go to? She blnshed
and said she didn't like to say. told
her she must say.
SWELL Jehuel, if you insist upon it,
and I am to have my choice, had rath-
er go to church"
What for, wilder p said l..
"Oh, Jehuel. how can you ask me?"
Cause 1 want to know" said |.
"Welll(blushing redder than beef)-
it is such cold weather now, and the
nights are SO awful cold, and-oh, Je-
huel, | can't stand it!
"Oh, pshaw, wilder, spit it out; what
do you mean"
The wilder riled. She billed right
over like a quart of milk on the fire, and
burst out with
eff you can't understand me-, you're a
heartless brute, so you are"
Hold your horsesl' said !. whats
all this about? I'm not a brute, nor new
er was; and if a man called me that, I'd
boot him, sure
And then | billed right over, and IN
buttoned my coat collar to keep me from
Dustin off my buttons. The wilder saw
I was a going to explode, or else collapse
my wind pipe, and she flung her arms
round my neck, put her lips to mine, and
then cooled right down.
"Jehuel. dear - said she, in an insini-
vatin' way, and a voice as sweet as a
hand -organ. Jehuel, honey, l wanted to
90 to church to get mar-no, | can't say
it all. you finish the word, Jehuel, sweet"
What word, marin ;"
sob, you stupid Jehuel, dear. | mean
the word married, love-"
+" Married. wilder 7" said I, did you
mean that?"
Indeed I did, Jehuel, lover
"Look here, marin, my name isn't Je-
huel Love. nor Jehuel Dear, nor Jehuel
Sweet, I'd have you to know. And |
won't get married to nobody but one, and
) you are not the She"
Oh, pewter pennies, but didn't she ravel
She made one dash at me: | lodged, and
she went butt up against the upper end
Of the omnibus. Crack wens her comb.
and smash went that bran new bonnet
that | { didn't buy for her, and down she
went with her face in the straw. But in
a moment she rose again, and made one
more dash at me. I dropped-she went
over me, and butted the door of the on.
nibus. The strap broke and cat she
went-her gaiter boots higher than her
head as she struck the pavement.
"Drive on!' [ yelled to the driver.
@Woman overheard Y cried q passing
sailor.
stop that White Coat-breach OF
promise-rcward- Heraid-publish r.
shrieked the wilder, in tones Of mortal
agony. while tears Of blood streamad
from her beautiful pug nose.
"Drive on! drive on Il ] shouted,
Where to?n asked the driver.
"To the devil-to Harlem-to Ma
combs Dam-anywhcre.so that we excape
matrimony and the widder."
He started, so did the wilder. and then
We had il up aAe avenue, the buss having
the start of abont a hundred yards. Foot
by foot the wilder gained. Thinks l.
Jehuel, you are a goner. | thought it
best to tighten ship. So first l hove over
board the straw.
Still she gained on me. Then over
board went the cushions. But still she
gained.
" More steam, driver, for mercy sake!"
[ yelled.
We are going faster than the law al.
lows now" he answered. Thirteen
miles an hour
Jehosophat, how the wilder did run;
she hove of her bonnet and came up hand
over hand. A thought struck me, SO /
off with my white coat and flung it right
down in her path. She sprang on it like
a she panther, and tore it TO pieces. Oh,
how they flew. l wept to see it 60, bM
lite is sweeter than a coat, and my tailor
is making me a new one. Here we gained
full two hundred yards, but on she came
again. Once more [ could see the green
in her eyes-merciful Moses. how | felt.
Driver" said I, "kill them horses or
get another mile out Of them"
Will you pay for 'em 2"he said.
Eyes, yes" said |, "only save me from
the wilder"
By crackey we did slide; the wilder
no longor gained, but she held her, own
beautifully. Thus we had it.-out past
the Red House-through Harlem-where
Captain Graham with three mounted po-
licemen, in vain attempted to catch US, he
nrobably supposng that We were running
ppway with some bank fund.
: My only hope was in reaching De
groots ahead 81 her, for | knew they
Wonld hide me- We were on the bridge,
and, ela, Moses be draw was up, and a
slonp going Il pugh.. DRIVER" said l..
QIap that bridge and I'll make your
Efoetune for yoA. sure as you're born"
s I'll do IL al Die T. he cried. And he
did 1 der jumped after as, fell
into The HarlelA river, and hasn't been
heard Of sineeR
g a Western editor lately offered
his hat as a prise for the best essay on
indenendance. aIIha f~nllaMing obtained