Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1858-01-30
HU NJ OROUS.


Matrimony is, at present, said to consist of
hot buckwheat cakes, warm beds, comforta.
BILE slippers, smoking coffee, round arms.
red lips, &C., &C., shirts exulting in buttons,
redeemed stockings, boot jacks, happiness,
&C.; while single blessedness is made Up vf
sheet-iron quilts, blue noses, frosty rooms.
ice in the pitcher, unregenerated linen, heel
less socks, coffee sweetened with icjcles.
gutta. .percha biscuits, fabby steaks, dull
razors, corns, coughs and colics, rhubarb,
aloes, misery, &c.
c. A Dutchman, having enlisted in the
service at military station not hundred
miles from New York, was one evening
placed on guard. Seeing o couple of gep-
tlemen approaching, he challenged them
with, "Who goes dere ?" Friends with
the countersign:" 'Vell, if you ish frents
and knows as 'Putler' is de gountersign, lie
gountersign ish correct. Pass, frents, nit
de gountersign,"
AN INCIDENT or YEsTERpAY.-They met,
twas on the sidewalk, and he thought to
cut swell: SO he raised his beaver grace
fully, bent his body like an L. She bowed
and smiled so sweetly, that he thought her
very nice, quite forgetting for the moment
that he stood upon the ice. Thus, little
reckoning what he did, Or how he stood, or
where, his head approached the pavement,
and his heels went up in air; while he
sternly and with violence, on the sidewalk
took his seat, and with very sheepish look,
picked himself up, and the way he "put''
around the corner, isn't very often beat, as
far as speed is concerned, at all events
Springfield Republican.
INarN,ors P,nn,r IT, ,.,o, 5o.o ,rLon &.
| was begun; it was done when it was hall
done; and yet it wasn't done when it was
! finished. Now what was it2 OF course you
can't guess! Will this do? "Tmotby
Johnston courts Susannah Dunn" 1t was
Dunn when it was begun. 1t was Dunn
when it was half done; and yet it wasn't
Dunn when it was done; for it wss John
ston. 5a1
b@-"John, can you tell me the difference
between attraction of gravitatiOn and at
traction of cohesion?' .'Yes sir; attrac-
ton of gravitation pulls q man to the
ground, and the attraction of cohesion pre-
vents his getting up again"
A Jester in the court of Francis COM
planned that great lord threatened to mur-
der him. "If he does so," said the king, 81
will hang him in fine minutes after" 81
wish your Majesty would hang him FIVE min
utes before,' said the jester.
GY-In Dublin paper, Mr.. Flanagan ap-
ponds his name to the following:
s'I hereby warn all persons from trusting
my wife, Ellen Flanagan, on my account,
as am not married to her."
CT A Western Editor perpetrates the
following on ''Father Adam :"
Gle laid him down and slept-and from his side
| woman in her magic beauty rose;
Dazzled and charmed, he called the woman bride,
And his first sleep became his last repose.
G1A wag in one of our Southern Legis-
latures, perceiving a musquito light on
neighbours hand, arose with much delibera-
ton and formality, and addressing the chair,
requested that said musquito have leave to
withdraw his bill.
~ Miss Tucker says it is with old bach
elois as with old wood: it is hard to get
them started, but when they do fame, they
burn prodigiously. "a
Y-An Irishman complained to his ply
sician that he drugged him 80 that ne was
sick long time afteehe got well.
Coourrrx.-A h1fhan wasp that tries 70
pass itself off Hrsbee. -
nENo prof lcnal man lives 90 much
from hand to hi a. adentist.
n%The bed sleigh bellsv ever invented
are . pair Of rosy checked girls. We get
/ this from Dobbs. kss.s
e~ Why is man who never lays wa
ger quite IS bad. a. one who doesf Because
he is no better. ..a 80 ssL aasS sSs-sas-
Aw,uE-The mar ~kssaatsAs sfissut
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