Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1858-07-16
OF THE SALLY MAGANN.

female, biped, human. 1t u found in all civil
ized, but is especially numerous in enlightened
countries. savage Sally Magann is a thing
incouceiyable; for this reason, viz: that the
@''s, or Swedeuborgically, the prOprIHHI of 5.
MagaEn, IS an innate rage for millinery ware
not. however. the most exalted kind of milln-
cry.
The necessary environment of the creature
L. n boarding house Of the - a week species
" may rise as high ST. or st. 30, and even
- {; hut beyond that, and beneath the Y per
week establishments. it ceases; or, rather, is
transformed into other beings. Nictualing thus,
ITS character follows by natural evolution; also
ITS manners, its customs its destiny.
Ii the limits Of ITS environment are strict.
the annuary circle to which it il admissible and
subjected 1t IL no les exact. Registrar-G Gen
erals, were they even indiifsrenty instructed
IN the science, now for the first time inaugu-
rated, Of Pathological Sociology. might enable
us to state the age precisely at which the ini-
tiatory processes of Sally Magannzation are
instituted. Thi. point is at present extremely
obscure, is of the highest interest, and will
attract mass of competent investigators at 4
not distant future.
The proper Sally Magann is twenty-five years
old. 1t IL In tho first stages of itself proper) at
twenty after twenty-three and before twenty
leur II escapes into another better defined and
more popularity cOmprehended form. Socially
;he Sally Magann il the unpleasant nay the
lntolerably mean between the extremes TOM
ooyrshneSs and Old-maidism. intellectually
1t Is n nInny. COlOquially, n giggly- -yabbler
Practically, it i, a useless something that
reaches the final term Of the betherational
Ii never has much hair on its head and be-
ing below the pecuniary level Of pomade and
uther costly greases. il kindly submits its
chronology to clean lard-intermxcd cologne
which 1t buys In long bottles. The color of its
Aalr may perhaps be found in the shops of Il Q
sign painters, but it is not named in any Ian
guage. he hair is dressed tHUdrIabiy in the
latest style.
q, the face of the Sally Magann, beyond its
shapS little or nothing is known. Its oriSi-
naity Is entOmbed in art. 1t is by all meaus
an angular face, Of the lovciest pink-saucer
and chak-balls hues. The eyes are pale, and
stid1fike 6sh-bOne in your throat. The nose
Is aeedled, and predestined to snuff. A shall
low and quarrelsOme opening, three inches
long, puckered with rIHaIrSt ToH9t, subserves
the uses of mouth beneath it lie an irregu-
lar collection of translucent cutting instru-
ments, somewhat inlaid with gold, which are
it's teeth. 1t does not follow that a chin Of
; Magann must of necessity be sharp or prom
inent on the contrary, an Oviodal retreating
nub, something like the end Of a darkish egg,
constitutes the general appearance of this fea-
ture. Nor need the neck be stringy it is ir-
regularly futed; aiming at stringyness not
yet attained.
Its frame is lean, its digestion feeble, and it's
flavor sour
tasteful. Its attempts would not always prove
failures, if its body could be remodeled, and it
could wish not TO be noticed. 1t has passion
for silks of all sorts, but chiefly for those of a
striking pattern. 1t haunts places where what
are called /" W ct goods are disposed of and is
there being constantly cheated If in its cheap
researches it cou'd only light upon :: real
brOcade'' and wheedle it out of the shop keeper
for a song, it would 60 immortal
A dress to a Sally Magann MeCsr fits in the
back where the skirt is gathered. Since the
advent of hoops this possibility is greatly ap-
parent, apd 1T is II good mark by which to
detect one Of them.
Thus much for the physical s Magann. The
intellectual follows, and the moral.
Its views of life are three in number
L. Ii will marry.
III. Whom will it marry
Ill MatrimOny will be an unending ocean
Of dresses and Joy.
Its mental operations being bounded by this
triangle. its acts are Immediately c0-ordlnated
thereto. For young males boarding in the
same house with itself. it has body ever will
ing to be treated To ice cream and theatres
and such Of them as are disposed 10 do the gen
tlemanly to said body, find out the following
in regard to the Sally Magann.
First. 1t Aay be kissed without much diff
Guilty.
Second. 1t does not pay to kiss it,
Northern Sally Magan, in select circles of
its kind, always objects to the medical student
who always lodges on the third floor, but il is
privately infected with the madness of be-
IeVlng that the student aforesaid is a wealthy
SOutherner.| 1t therefore rey0lvcs in its mind
the Ve1et question Of slavery, and concludes
that 1t viii reluctantly yield TO the impnrtuni-
ties mot yet ofered) of the student and do its
best To amelicrate the condition of sundry ne.
groes upon the Hypothetical plantation i'll Ala
bama
As to the day bOarler, the dry goods clerk
hat
pairs OF kid gloves its mind is never sound
He may get TO he partner. lie may never
get To be partner A dilemma like this is
enough to unhinge the highest order of female
inteligences; its effect upon a Sally Magann is
such tnat the dry goods clerk concud that it
ls slngularly unstable in its notions and afee-
tIons, and, In consequence Cf this conclusion,
he Is often lost to the 5. Magann. 1t grieves
over his loss sometimes, to the latest hour of
It's life, with secretly coinmingled tears and
snuff; deplOring the folly Of its youth. when it
had lovers by the dozen - while il ti;iIates its
Schnelderian membrane in impotent revenge.
But IT Is only its small shot that the Sally
Magann wastes on callOw youths. Its heavy
artillery is reserved for the bland, portly, mid
dle-aged gentleman tboarderl who does a
very large mysterious business, and who does
not always prove TO be scOundrc and a
swindler but occasionally marries the S Ma
gam and disappears with II, none knows whith-
er. For him IL sing. its best falsettO, md plays
upon the piano its live six good for nothing
Httle tune. with It's diyincSt JUNCTION. And lac
pronounces Ii the sweetest little thing, and
more need not be said of him.
The morals of Sally Magann are-preacbers.
These 1t adcreS. For these it discovers its small
capacities of needle and thread and concern
lng these, next 10 wet goods and theatres,
Its gggly- -gabbling is afiuent beyond all meas
urc 10 sew on button for preacher, to visit
has wife, to embroider 4 pair of slippers for
him, TO be spoken of by him when it affectates
aisng the street, to kiss his children to death,
Is the finest JOY Of the ; Magann. If the
preacher Il unmarried, then is his divinity
complete in the eyes of a ). Magann. How it
hangs upon his lips, it sits in a pew, and
pushes up It's bonnet slipping from the back OF
its head Its fervent prayers that the Lord
will deliver him into the hands of a suitable
helpmate, It's anonymous letters of gratitude
for his refreshing sermons its incog BOUQUETS,
Could il be privileged to make a roBe-df-rnit