Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-02-17

Fact, Fancy and Fun.

--Bowie-knives are styled ssprotcc-
tive cutlery in the Arkansas papers.
If a small boy is called lad, is it
proper to call a bigger boy ladderS
What gentleman can, With any
sense of propriety, ask a fat woman to
team on his arm? @
e EorE.-A sentiment exhibited in the
wag OF dogs tail, when he's waiting
for bone. zf
S -Marriag age is defined. by some one
to be two mods and FIVE dollar pray
er. .--.
S TO ascertain whether woman IS
passionate or not, take muddy dog
into her parlor.
Newspapers have been called the
only paper currency that is worth more
than gold and silver.
"a rash engagement leads to rri-
inous action" said a gallant who was
sued for breach of promise.
WHY is the present winter like q
doughface? Because it is Ner.hern
winter with Southern principles.
To point out failings in the spirit :
'cf kindness is one of the clearest indi- {
cations Of friendship. ia
What animal has the creates. quan.
tity of brains !? The hog, of course, for
he has sshogshead full.'' .:a-
z--"Twelye berths in her ladies cab
IN y said Mrs. Darlington s'what
squalllng. there must have been!''
"A modern tourist calls the Niaga-
ra River s'the pride of rivers.'' That
pride certainly has a tremendous fall.
Fast young men smoke q great
deal, for it is the nature Of rake to
have a quantity Of weeds about him.
Law is like a seivc; yon may see
through.it, but'you must be considerably
reduced before yon cat, get through it.
An artist painted an imitation of
a bottle of spruce beer so natural, that
the cork flew cut before he could paint
the string to fasten it.
w hen you go home on cold day.
all chilled through, don't worry because
the stove isn't red hot. Just keep cool,
till you get warm.
"A late writer says that woman has
no generosity toward her own sex
Who ever knew a woman to go securi-
ty for another woInan's house rent?
Insults, says a modern philosopher.
are like counterfeit money; we cannot
hinder them from being offered, but
we are not compelled to take them. 1s
The following coast was given re.
Gently by q stricken young man g
''The ladies-,aay we kiss the girls
we please, and please the girls we kiss
"A young. l;sdy fenlarked to male
friend that she feared she would make
q poor sailor. The gentleman prompt
ly answered-"But You would make an
excellent mate" T
They tell of big rats on the line of
the Ohio Canal, ;.nd one ofthein is said
TO have lowed ho;.t, 5ts;ng his tail as
a COW lipe. That's :. H5hopper- of a
INT we mean.
~ EEy ere sheep the most dissipa-
ted and unfortunate Of animals?
jseca,se they ganbol in their youth,
iie4iia'it tue turf, are generally black
| legs, are universally feeced.
AT q dinner late!y, Ills question:
was pat to the gue3ts-eslNhich is the
stronger, Ho or ruth % After IL mo-
nlei2ts confederation, Mr. Joseph Proc
tcf ;ins@erel--''Trntf, for you may re-
ly Oh il.
Billy Jones'" said bullying ur-
chin to :tiother led, "next time catch
you alone, Fl! fog you ike anyfhing.''
/ Veil, replied Bill, amt often much
alone; | commonly have my legs and
| my fists with me-"
| "A man If virtue is an honor to his
country, q glory to humanity, salts
/ faction 70 himself AID benefactor to
/ MI the. sascill. iIeis rich without os-
sentation, courteous without deceit, and
brave without vice:
"A witness in a. Hoosier court be-
/ ii'5 acl1ed fcw he knew that two GER
! 5fGlfi part;es were lilatl and wife, replied.
( u ~, uo5 gol n, I've Heafu EN-
scolding each other morn fifty times."
1 Tie evidence B-a.s held IS conclusive.
/ -Jonah wrote to his father, after
/ the whale first swallowed him, stating
chat he had found good opening for q
young man going into the oil business.
afterwards wrote for money to bring
iflim home, stating that he had been
'ssucked inn'
aa-sDo you keepmatches here ?" ask
ed wag of a retailer
4 "Oh, yes, all kinds, was the reply.
I. s'Then III take a trotting match.
i The dealer handed him a box of
Brandreth's pills which kept the young
man trotting all night.
There is town out in Texas, IN
which it is said there is but one grave,
upon which is written the following ep-
| itaph: ~
Underneath this turf doth lie, - ;
Back to back, my wife and l.