The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-30
YANKEE STORY,

and let 'em out there, you can drive 'em
along without whip or spur, jest which way
you want 'em to 60.
When lived down at Elton, there was
good many fust rate gals down there,
but didn't take Il likln to any on 'em till
Squire Cummins cum down there to live
The Squire had a mighty purity darter. | sed
some OF the gals was fust rate, but Nancy
Cummins was fust rate and leetle more
There was many dressed finer and looked
grander, but there was something fam about
Nance, that they couldn't hold candle TO-.
Ii fellow seed her once, couldn't look at
another gal for week. ltook likin' to
her rite of, and We got as thick as thieves.
We had used to gov to the same meetin'
and sot in the same pew. 1t took me to
find sarms and hims for her, and we'd swell
'em out in manner shockin' to hardened
sinners /; and then we'd mosey hum
together, while the gals and fellars kept u
lookin' on as though they'd like to mix in.
I'D Away stay to supper, and the way she
could make injun cakes, and the way wood
slick 'em over with molasses and put 'em
away, was nothin' to nobody. She was
dreadful civil tew, always gettin' somethin'
nice for me. was up to the hub in love,
and was goin' in for it like locomotive
Well, things went on in this way for spell,
till she tho't she had me tight enough
Then she began to show off kinder inde-
pendent like. When I'd 20 to meetin,' there
was no room in the pew, when seed cum,
and she streek off with another chap. and
leave me suckin' my fingers at the door,
Instead of stickin' to me us she used to do.
she got cuttin' around with all the other fel-
lars, jest as if she cared nothin' about me no
more-none whatever.
got considerably riled, and thought
mite as well cum to the end on it at wunst:
so went down to have it out with her, there
was hull grist of fellers there. They
seemed nifty quiet till went in, then she
got talkin all manner of nonsense-sed
nothin' to me and darned little of that. |
tried to keep my dander down, but it warn't
any uSe-l kept movin' about as if had
pin in my trowsers, and | sweat as if
had been threshin.' My collar hung down
as If it had been hung over my stock to dry.
couldn't stand it; SO cleared out as quick
Us Good, for seed 'twas no use to say
noihin' to her. went strate to bed, and
thought the matter over a spell-thinks ],
that ga! is jes, tryin' of me, 'ain't no use
of our playn possum; III take the kink out
of her, if don't fetch her out Of that high
grass. use me for sassage meat.
heard tell of Il boy wunst, that got to
skewl late on one Sunday mornin': master
Ses:
'You 'tarnal sleepin' crittur, what kept
you SO late =
Way ses the boy, 'it's so everlastin'
slippery out, couldn't get along no how;
every step took forward, went two steps
backward, and couldn't have got here at
all if | hadn't turned back, to 60 tother
wav.'
Now, that's jest my case. l have been
putin artrr that gal considable time. Now
thinks |, I'll 90 tother way-she'd been
slltn' of me, and now III site her-what's
sass for the goose is sass for the gander.
We'll, went no more to Nancy's. Next
Sunday sicked myself up, and dew say,
when got my fxins on, | took the shine
clear off of any specimen of human natur,
in our parts. About meetin' time, off | put
to Elthum Dodge's. Patience Dodge was
as nice gal as you'd see 'twixt here and
yonder any more than she wasn't just like
Nancy Cummins. Ephraim Mussey had
used to 60 to see her, he was clever Teller,
but he was dreadful jelus. Well went to
mectin' with Patience, and sot rite afore
Nancy: | didn't set my eyes on her till after
meetln': she had Il feler with her who had
blazen' red head, and legs like pair of
cOmpasses; she had face as long as a
thanksgivin' dinner, knowed who she was
thinkin' about, and 'twasn't the chap with
the red head nuther. Well, got boein'
Patience about spell. Kept my eye on
Nancy, seed how the cat was umpn'; she
didn't cut about like she did, and looked
rather solemnly: she'd gin her tew eyes to
kiss and made up. KEEP it up till like to
have got into mess about Patience. The
critter thought was goin' arter her for
good, and got as proud as tame turkey.
One day Ephe cum down to our place,
lookin' as rathy at malishy officer, on
trainin' day.
Look here,' ses he, Seth Stokes as
loud as a small thunder clap, tl'll be
darned'
'Hallo.' ses |, whats broke?'
'Whv,' ses he, Il came down to have
satisfaction about Patience Dodge. Here
Pve been cortin' her ever since last year;
and she was jest as good as mine, till you
cum goin' arter her, and now can't touch
her with forty foot pole
why ses |, what on earth are you talkin'
about? amt got nothin' to do with your
gal. but s'pose had, there's nothin' for
YOU to get wolfy about. If the gal has
taken likin' to me, 'taint my fault; if I've
taken n likin' to her 'taint her fault, and if
we've taken likin' to one another, 'talnt
your fault; but amt so almighty taken
with her, and you may get her for al me;
SO YOU hadn't ought to git savage about
nothin'.'
'Well,' ses he, (rather cooled DOWN. Il
am the unluckiest thing in creation. went
t'other day to place where there was an
old woman died of the bots or some other
disease, and they was, ,sellin' out her things.
Well, there was a thunderin' big chist Of
drawers, full of all sorts of truck; SO
bought it and thought had made spec;
when cum to look at 'em, there warn't
nothin' in it worth cent, except an old
silver thimble, and that was all rusted up,
so sold it for less than gave for it. Well,
when the chap that bought it took it hum, he
heard somethin' rattle-broke the old chist
and found lots of gold in it, in Il false bot
tom hadn't. seen. Now if | had took the
chist hum, I'd never found that money, nor
if l did they'd been all counterfeit and I'd
been taken up for passin' on 'em. Well, |
jest told Patience about it, when she rite up
and called me q darned fool.'
'Well,' ses l, 'Ephe, that is hard; but
never you mind that-jest 60 on-you can
git her! and when you do git her, you can
file the rough edges off jest as you please
That tickled him, it did, and away he
went, lite better pleased.
Now thinks l, it's time to look after Nan
cy. Next day down went. Nancy was all
alone, axed her if the Squire was in; she
sed he wasn't.
Cause ses (makin' beleev wanted
him) 'our colt sprained his foot, and | cum
to see if ths Squire won't lend me his mare
to 60 to town.
She sed she guessed he wood-better sit
down till the Squire comes in. Down sot,
she booked sort o'strange, and my hart felt
queer all around the edges Artcr while
ses |.
Air you goin' down to Betsey Masin's
quiltin'?' =
Sed she, 'didn't know for sartip; air you
goin?'
Sed I. sreckened wood
'Ses she, Il s'pose you'd take Patience