Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1858-01-28
How Tom COrWin rid his Sister
of an Obnoxious Lover.

How Tom COrWln rid MS sister
of an Obnoxious Lover.
Every one has heard of the eloquent,
pathetic and humorous stump orator Of
Ohio. He was pronounced by Mr.. Clay
"a most competent authority to be the
finest stump speaker be had ever heard
and in his opinion 1 most heartily coincide,
after having heard Clay, Crittenden, Jones,
of Tennessee, Polk, Benjamin, Soule, RAN
dali, Hunt Tom Marshall, Gen. Lamar;
Bates, Douglas and host of others.
Well, this great orator carried his love
of fun into every department of life. In
the private circle, where he knew every per
son and where he unbosomed himself fully,
he was the most delightful and genial con-
versationalist that 1 ever listened to. l do
not know that he now, as nge and infirmi-
ty are creeping on, indulges this Proclivity
to humor so much as he used to do. But
some twenty years ago he used TO tell, with
great gusto, the following story:
ain early life-so early that cannot
remember the removal-my father "pull-
ed up stakes" and, carrying with him the
household goods, went from Bourbon coun-
ty, Kentucky, where 1 was borne, to Ohio.
Notwithstanding rough and tumble strug-
gle with the world, he had hard time to
get on, owing to numerous and rapidly
increasing family. Well, family matters
had not much improved when had reach
ed my thirteenth or fourteenth year.
"At this time there lived in the neigh
borhood young man by the name of
Pickering. He had inherited well stock
ed farm, was good-looking, and made a
strong profession of religion. The latter
qualification caused him to find peculiar
favor in the eyes of my father, who always
was blinded by professions of extra piety.
"This fellow had strong hankering af-
ter one of my sisters, who was We y pret-
ty girl. To her he was peculiarly distaste-
full. She seemed always excessively anoy-
ed at his presence. Yet LIE was ever at
her side. She dared not dismiss him en-
tirely, for fear of the paternal anger
Things went on in this way for year or
two, and as partook largely of my sisters
hatred to him, l resolved to get rid of him
in some way. cast about for plan for
some time, but nothing occurred which
gave me the slightest hopes of being sue
cessful.
cat last, returning home late one sum-
mer night from mill, l found the family at
their nightly devotions. Passing by the
windows of the room in which they were
assembled, saw that Pickering was there
and pretty soon discovered that he was
nodding, and finally bis head dropped
Now was my opportunity. l stole silly
into the hall, and reaching the hall door,
which was slightly ajar and close BY which
Pickering was, ION bended knee" | reach
ed in, and quickly pulling his chair from
under him, he rolled heavily, as a sound
sleeper would, upon the floor. The noise
alarmed all. The good old gentleman
stopped in the midst of his interminable
prayer, and saw the position of Pickering.
Ali the family laughed outright; even my
mother smiled.
pickering endeavored to pick himself
up as rapidly as possible, but he had touch
ed the old man upon his tende,est- point.
1t was evident, from his rubbing his eyes,
that be had slept under the old gentle,
mans ministrations; and had not my faith
er a reputation far and wide for the ferven-
cy and strength of his ministrations; and
was not Pickering his protesting brother?
1t was too much. Slowly yet most digni-
fedly did the old man approach him.
"Begone, hypocrite! he cried, in thunder
tones. "Never enter my house again"
Pickering was thunderstruck. He felt
that he could make no apology that would
not add 10 the insult. He had no suspi-
cion of the exterior force which had aided
him in his fall. He at once found his hat,
took up his line of march, and completely
crestfallen, passed by me as stood grin
ming in the shadow of the porch.
At suitable time I entered, got my
supper, was told by brother, in hurried
whispers, what had happened, and then l
stole off to bed, affecting ignorance and
laughing most heartily, as l ensconed my
self in the sheets, at the complete success
of my plan.
"Next day / cautiously impaired my Sc
cret 10 my interested sister. She was in
her own room at the time, and she threw
herself upon the bed and rolled in agonies
and convulsions of laughter. She had
been emancipated forever from the atten-
tions of an obnoxious lover. The old gen
tleman did not hear the real state of the
facts for full twenty years afterwards; but
when he did, he laughed heartily