Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1858-06-30

that crossed 1t sometlmeS-a pale retiec-
ton of the pleasant thought in his book
There were times when, watching him
thus, could not check the tears that would
gather in my eyes and dim my vision,
and if he had spoken to me then-one
word of appeal when my heart was sofull,
| think must have yielded, at once and
entirely. But he never did, and knew
he would not. / remembered what he had
said, that I must be the one to speak that
word, and l found myself once speculating
with sort of idle wonder, whether [ ever
would, ever could, humble myself to seek |
reconciliation-forgiveness-from him.
V.
Days, and weeks, and even months, crept
by before was well enough to leave my
room, and in all this time there was no
change in our relationship with each 9th
er. The house had settled down into a
strange quietude. had no near connec-
tions neither had Norman; and though
my tablets were filled with the names of
those | called :" my friends" their faces
were very seldom seen within our doors.-
They had left their cards in due form du-
ring my illness, but felt little inclination,
even after my health was established again,
to undertake round of visits in return
shrank with unaccountable repugnance
from all my old pleasures and interests
did not care to see any one, or go any
where. Day after day | kept at home,
wandering about the house in dreary idle
ness, or sitting alone in the deserted nur-
sery, where | spent much Of my time now.
In its shady solitude l brooded over the
short, unhappy years of my married life,
and wept for my lost children-with more
of yearning, strange as it may seem, for
the little girl that | had never seen, than
for the baby who had lain upon my bosom
and died upon my knees.
Sometimes, when I knew Norman was
at home, would seat myself by the regis
ter in my dressing-room, solely for the sake
of hearing some chance movement that he
might make; perhaps the sound Of his
voice occasionally, the rustic OF his paper
as he wrote, or the tread of his feet as be
walked up and down tho room. I have
sat for hours SO, doing nothing, thinking
nothing, only listening with an intense in
terest which would have seemed ridiculous
to looker-on, to these trivial sounds.
despised myself for it, but could not helI
it. Day by day the conviction forced it
self on me that my love, and my craving
for companionship with him, for tender
ness and affection from him, was overpow
ering my pride, drowning my anger. Re
collection of old caresses, of looks an
words that made me tremble with deligh
I in the days when there was no shadow owe
the brightness of our love, kept crowdin
up in my heart, until my very soul Wa
sick with longing for them once more.
was torture to have to meet him with
calm and Indifferent face, to accept his col
politenesses with the old proud look, an
keep down the swelling tide that struggle
continually to break through such barrier
But he never guessed the change in me
gave him no sign-and he did not with
draw one moment from the reserve an
distance which he had so steadily mail
tanned. So | would go back to my lionel
:, ness, which each day grew more intoler
Bile, and weep with a miserable sense
humiliation and disappointment, such as
had never dreamed | could feel.
! One day he came up to my dressin
- room. heard his step in the hall, but
:. did not dream of his seeking me; and wht
!. !. it paused at my door, and his voice aske
- "May come in Agnes 2" l could scarce
speak for the sudden faintness of fear al
= expectation which come over me. But
] managed to answer yes, and he came
with hurried manner, which was not b
! bitual to him, holding an open letter
!. = his hand. l half rose up from the cou
= = where had been laying but he exelaime
= = hastily:
;! = "Don't disturb yourself, l beg. l W
- not detain you long with what have
= say. 1t only relates to this letter which
y have received this morning-an invitati
y to deliver a series of scientific lectures tx
- ~ college society. The lectures are alrea
~ ~ prepared they were gotten up for sir
= lar purpose some years ago-and | ha
T. concluded to accept the invitation INN
Z diately. Of course shall not infict up
- ! you the disagreeable necessity of acco
- - panying me, and | only wish to know VIII
'e you would choose to spend the time of
absence. You need not trouble yours
- to answer me now. If you will tell
- y when you have decided upon any pref
81 81 ence, your wishes shall be fulfilled in ev
- - particular. That is all"
Il AS hastily as he had entered the re
l. IA he went out again without another wo
- -, and | was left alone, utterly contour
20 20 and bewildered with this most unlock
n for intelligence. Such possibility
,ut never once entered my mind. / had
,c thought Of leaving him, tantalizing and
- turing as it was to live as we did, and |
NO NO not dreamed, strangely enough, that
,Loo would ever leave me. For the first /
- the terrible fear of separation flashed
In me, and like Tightening came the thou
IN - that this departure for time was on
w ruse to cover an eternal leave-taking.
it were, who could blame him! He m
40 m justly determine upon it, and my own
~ science would have to hold him guilt
M The last barriers of pride and self
! IS melted down as this hopeless future op
~ - up suddenly before me- / shrank
III ~, shuddering from a momentary glimps
-. ~ it, and out of my weakness new and
IL ter strength was born. / sprang to
feet with passionate resolve, and I