Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1858-12-24
Humorous Selections.
JOE BoWER's WEDDING.

The county oil -, up IN tDc mountains,
boasts Of one Of the best Judges in Califor-
MIA On the bench he is firm, decided and
prompt, not caring the snap of finger for
either the applause Of friends or the mutter-
ings Of enemies lie is. perhaps. the most
devoted man to the law in all creation, and
has his head SO full of what he terms ''iudi-
cial talk that he not unfrequontly finds him
self making learned charges and passing SEN
tence outside the courtroom.
On a recent occasion the Judge was called
upon 10 exercise the power and authority in
him vested, in the case Of young couple
who desired to have their hands united in the
holy band Of wcdock. OF course he con
scented to perform the pleasing duty, and on
the appointed evening was promptly on hand
at the house at which the affair was to como
off. The room was crowded by the beauty
and fashion of the town. and none looked
more dignifod or happy than the Judge him
self who was dressed within about AN inch
Of his life.
It's customary. on occasions of the kind
referred to. for the good folks Of the noun
tain towns to pass around the wine quito free
ly. and. to their everlasting credit, we will
add, they consider it no harm for one to man
ilcst his interest in the event by getting "hvc-
ly." The Judge is an ardent a9mrer OF the
fair sex, having in the course of his life led
the third one to the altar To use his own
language, be is great believer IN weddings,
and that he should get little mellow amid
the glorious scenes Of the evening was not
to be wondered at by those who knew him
intmatcy He had the weakness of all good
Judgrs- he would take his toddy.
The wine had passed round and round. The
music bad ceased The time for making Jo-
scph Bowers and Nancy Harkins one had ar
rived. Every heart throbbcd with the most
delightful emotions. The young gentlemen
desired TO know how joe would stand it,
and the young ladies were anxious to see how
Nance would suffer the anxious shock
Others, again, who bad observed closely the
turn affairs took fixed their attention upon
the Judge, to see how he would come out of
the scrapc.
At length the trying moment was announc-
cd The Judge arose very cautiously from
the chair which he had occupied in one
corner of the room, and casting his eye over
the company, he singled out the sheriff of the
county, who was present as an invited guest.
The Judge had mbibcd Just enough to make
him forget the nature of his business. He
was foil of his judicial talk, and required
nothing but the presence of the sheriff to
start him. Looking sternly at the officer, ho
shouted
Mr.. Sheriff, open the court and call to
order ~
general litter followed this command, in
the midst Of which the sheriff took the
court gently by the arm and led him to
his scat in the corner, at the same time in
forming the august parsonage of his mistake.
Everything now bid fair for pleasant and
sudden termination of the affair, until anoth-
4,
the absence of the bridegroom, was observed.
1t turned out that he had just stepped across
the street to join his friends in parting
drink, but before his return, some cold blood
ed wag had whispered in the ear of our logy
the cause Of delay in the proceedings In
stantly the chair in the corner moved, and in
that direction all eyes were fixed.
Mr.. Sheriff. slowly bawed the Judge.
bring Joe into the court on a supcnar the
c judge had his own way of pronouncing the
word-then addressing the bride, who stood
in the foreground and hung her head in deer
confusion, nc added IL 'spose you are the
plaintiff. Well, don't take ON Innoconc,
and virtue will be protected by this herr
n court
This was the saddcst blundcr of them all
a The Judge was again made to see his mistake
II and would have been considerably set back
Z had it not been for corrective in the shap
= of forty drops of the crttor, which he instant
a a ly applied.
d In few moments all was ready in RICH
n down earnest Tho bridegroom had arriye
. full Of joy The company pressed forward
s. The excitement was intense. He cyidcnt
vt felt every inch Judge.
l. "J-J-o-c B-B-B-o-o-w-c-r-s,' commenced
y the man of law, in that distressing style q
&c speech with which he was invariably trouble
T. when under the influence of liquor: - J-o-
s.. Bowers, stand up. Have y-y-you any
thing to say w-w-why s-s-sentence-
y "Stop, stop, stop, Judge shouted TIA
u sheriff from the back part Of the room. "lo
y, are not going to hang the man but TO MARI
ID him"
l. The judge drew a long breath and binke
OF rapidly, but stood his ground we'll Recoy
ID erng himself proceeded;
"J-J-o-e B-B-owers, do y-you t-taDe Nan
N cy HHarkins for y-your wife SO h-h-holp yo
n God e.
s. This was a tolcrable effort, and Joe noddc
y assent.
rs "N-N-Nancy Harkins, it remains for thi
Is c-c-court to-
ty Here the sheriff again interrupted tn
H. Judge, reminding him of the real business
IN the evening. Miss n Nancy resumed tn
Judge after being set right, "d-d-o-y-ou TAX
re J-J-oe B-B-Bowors for husband tito I'll
Is the best Of your knowledge and b-b-belief {
u do you not =
MS 'You can bet l will y answered the lgh
We hearted Nancy.
nj The judge then took the hands of the hal
NJ ply couple and joined Them and wound ,
'n' the business as follows.
Use at now r-remains for this h-h-hcre c-cou
Pr to pronounce you, J-J-Joo Bowers, and y-y,
on Nancy Harkins, man and wife, and" Che
'er the judge paused to wipe the pcrspirati'
from his face 'm-m-may GOOD Or-mi
rk h-h-huve mercy on y-y-your s-s-souls +! She
!" if, remove the culprits !!
IN The company reared. Joe and Nan
lut weakened. The sheriff was taken with
ne leaving. The judge let himself out loose
zen glass of apple jack 1t was the create
nu wedding ever witnessed,
in
=,
nc. furniture y Nousr furnishing.
ask
an 90 T. T. ~ w II l., II q q \