Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1858-07-10
selett 4oetrp.
WANTED--AP PASTOR.

We have been without Pastor,
Some eighteen months or more,
And though candidates are plenty
We've heard at least score,
All Of them 'tip-top" preachers,
Or so their letters ran
We are Just as for as ever
From settling on man.
The first who came among us
BY no means was the worst,
But then We didn't think Of him
Because be was the first;
1t being quite the custom
To sacrifice few
Before the church 10 earnest
Determines what to do.
There was a smart young fellow,
With serious, earnest way,
Who but for one great blunder
Had surely won the day;
Who left SO good impression,
On Monday one or two
Went round among the people
To see if he would do.
The pious, godly portion
I1dO mol luull 10 unu
Iis clear and searching preaching
They thought the very kind,
And all went smooth and pleasant
Until they heard the views
OF some influential sinners
Who rent the highest pews.
On them this pungent dealing
Made but n sorry hit;
The coat of gospel teaching
Was quite too tight fit.
OF course his fate was settled,
Attend, ye Parsons oil
And preach to please the sinners,
If you would get call.
Next came q spruce young dandy
Who wore his hair so long
Another's coat was shabby,
And his voice not so very strong;
A nd one New Haven student
Was worse than all Of those,
We couldn't hear his sermon
For thanking Of his nose.
Then wearying of candidates,
We looked the country through,
Mid doctors and professors,
TO find one that would do;
And after much discussion
On who should bear the ark,
With toler0jie agreement
We fixed on DR.. Parke.
Here then we thought it settled,
But were amazed to find
Our Hattering invitation
Respectfully declined;
We turned to DR.. Hopkins
To help us in the lurch,
Who strangely thought that college
Had claims above 'our church."
Next we dispatched committees,
by twos and threes, to urge
The labors for Sabbath
Ofa Rev. Shallow Splurge.
He came-a marked sensation,
So wonderful his style,
Followed the creaking of his boots
AS he passed up the aisle.
His tones were so affecting,
His gestures so divine,
a lady tainted in the hymn,
Before the second line,
And on that day he gave us,
In accents clear and loud
The greatest prayer ever addressed
To an enlightened crowd.
lie preached double sermon,
And he gave US angels food,
On such joyous topic,
The JOY Of solitude"
All full of sweet descriptions
OF flowers and pearly streams,
OF warbling birds, ard moonlit groves,
And golden sunset beams.
or faith and true repentance
lie nothing had to say;
lie rounded all the corners,
And smoothed the rugged way;
Managed with great adrotness,
To entertain and please,
And leave the sinners conscience
Completely at is ease.
Six hundred is the salary
We gave in former days,
We thought it very liberal,
And found it hard to raise;
But when We took the paper
We had no need to urge
To raise a cool two thousand
For the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
In vain were all our efforts,
We had no change at ALL
We found ten city churches
Had given him call
And he in prayerful waiting,
Was keeping all 10 tow,
But where they bid the highest
Twas whispered he would 60.
And now good Christian brothers,
We ask your earnest prayers,
That God would send Shepherd
To guide our church affairs;
With this clear understanding,
A man to meet our views
Must preach to please the sinners
And ill the vacant pews.
gelett Gale.
RETRIBUTION.
BY THE AUTHOR OF THE HEIR TO ASHLEY
CHAPTER Y.