Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1858-03-11
Letter from tho DIsbandod volunteer.

pulC HIS
Letter from the Disbnndod Volunteer.
We visited our veteran friend in his sick room
at the St Nicholas last week, and are happy to
confirm his statement that he is convalsclng "at
kangaroo's pace, too jumps to a rod" He
seemed to think that it was scarcely the thing
to disclose the contents of his private note; but
we cannot bring ourselves to regret the indis
cretion-ifit were one-Since it has brought him
out in the following amusing letter, which is
quite in new vein:
SAINT N.cKALAs HOTEL March, 5, 1858.
Eddyturs ofthe Sunday Times:
1t warnt my intenshin to bring thar pocket
hankerchers to the eyes of Simperthisen pub
lick by Stain as Ide ben onder the Doctors hans
but as you issood a motifs to that effecl in your
preface to my last letter, might we'll tell the
hull story, and kwiet, as far as possabul, the
lively appryhenshins of my TELLER citizens. Fust
and foremost, | oughter ronounce that dis
mist my tiZsishins last week. and that my nuss
(rayther onwiingly) evackerated yesterday, SO
that, in coarse, it will be konkluded am doom
we'll In konsekwens of the noomerus inkwires
caused by your last Sundays remarks, hev
he'd the folerin bullytin pOstid on the stares:
''DLsBANDED VOLUNTEER OUTER DANGER, BUT
CONFINED TO Ills RUM"
I dun this to save the clerks, walters, porters,
and cetery, for they was eenamost used up with
ripplyiug to the kwestins of an anshus wurld
Menny enterprisin derogatypists and fotogge-
rYfers supposin | was case, applide for per-
mishin to take what they call anti.mortem por-
traits of me; and yesterday, Fusser and White
wash, the freenologists, sent to no eff so be my
disease should prove fatal, he'd emmy obicck-
shin to a pOsthumorOus bust, or hevn my cram
un put in thar windcr for the bennytit of sci
ence,as they personnel it would exhibit mirth-
fulness remarkably strong. l understood, also,
that the New York Volunteers, who fit so brave
ly in Mexico, reSpectin Inc as u Teller sojer, hes
exprest tharselvcs rcddy and willin to foller me
to the grave at a moments motifs.
Setch toxins of remembrance from kuInpara-
tiv strangers is materially cheerin to sick mans
hart. But Inc wanderin from the trail OPEN
ed on, SO here's fall back to startin pint and try
agip.
was first tuck with stitch in the rite brest,
or rayther emmy amount of stitches for it peered
to me as eff a patent dubble-ackshin sowing-mer-
sheen was kontinally rippin with red-hot
darnin needles. Feelin thar war sumthin orfully
rong on the rite side of my lungs turnt in, and
sent wurd TO Mr.. Tredwell to get me doctor,
the best the purleshinal markit afforded. Purity
sun he aroye, and renowned hisself as Doctor
Pink. Thar warnt nutch of him; but he was
dressed to kill, and his princypul idea seemed to
be that thar was but wun distinguished doctor
-wun moddil Of elcgance-wun brilyant lectur-
er in creashin, that all three stud in the Shoes
and was contained in the cote, vest, and pant e
Doctor Pink. Prehaps this warnt 10 FOS
genlWlne, prlvlt impreShin, but sartIs.t, -
was the idee he brort out for inockilatin
Ipurpusses. AFTER runnn on for sum
time about his standin in the purfesshin
and the cheers he had ockypidc in varus medi-
shinal instertooshinS, he suddenly guy me
dig IN the rite side, and axed if it hurt me- /
sed it did, sum. SEES he, ats degeneracy of the
liver-cataspasm over the rite side, and over the
left, mo better-bloo pill foered up with cas-.
ter lief that wont do, bleedin-viSits SIS each
cash down." He held out his left hand for the
mummy, while he rit a prOskripshin with the
rite, and arter pocketin the tin and tnishin the
dockyment, put on his hat smoothed down his
goatee, and began stickin his fingers inter his
kids. SEES doctor, wots cataspasms, and
wot are they for?" Ses he, ''CataSpasms, my
Trend, Is mustard plarsters; and eff as Isuspeck
puss is formin in helver, they'll drive it out
Bein all in fog, | said "mebbee So" and he
vamoSed, promisin to send a nuSs. That eyenin
the nuss cum, an American citizen, lately from
Cork, and smellin rather vosiferous ofthe bottle
dowsever, he dun up the cataspasm, bloc pill,
and caster lie business pretty slick, and mex
day was as bad as could be expected. and a
darned site wus. When he cum agin, the doo.
noses OF the distemper had changed and it was
pluracy, and not degeneracy of the liver. So
he ordered Seven-benine blister on the rite
side and twenty leeches on the chest; and then
remarkt, with an incurridging smile that eff
was no better when he called agcn, he'd bleed
me rs the arm and put on anuther blister. AS
wished to no the mater of pluracy, he tuck the
tru6bie to inform me that it wos cute infam.
mashin of singular menbrain kivering
the lungs, which sumtimes proved i'm,
mcdiently fatil, and sumtimes ended in
consnmpshin; but it was his maxim alters 10
hope for the best. Wal, he'd the blister and
the leeches; and the day after was eenamost
conner Ses to the nuss, in a feebul vice
Tor wot with cataspasms, blisters, leeches, bloc
pills, and caster lie, the 6reth was all but skrew
ed outer ne-ses 1, Hand me that pistil case
of the buro; thars goin to be change of trete-
ment OF this child" He dun SO; and takin out
wun of Aliens paytent selfcockin six shutters ali
loded and capt put it onder the kwilt and
waited with payshints for the doctor. Fiuerly
ne cum, sithed, shuck his he'd, told the nuss to
bring basin, and tuck out his lanshet. twas
no time for parleyin; so, singing out the pistiI
and, drorin bead on the senter Of his Stun,
mick, ses Doctor, eff you don't drap that ar
orful weepin, lie open your bowels with wun of
my bloc pills, dod rot you'll Here's the last s5
Of your infarnal butchers bill; and ef ever You
gum agen lie bio you whar you belong His
cotail Tanisht throo the doorway afore the iast
words was out, and haint seen him sense, and