The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-08-14

barrels in the cellar, gazed apprehensiyel
at my wrought wristbands--found barre
which smelt of pickle; and procuring
pair of long handled pincers from the Goa
bin, l made a plunge into the cask wit
them. Nothing whatever came up to re
ward my efforts; and was making prepara
tions for second dive, when down cam
my hard looking friend to see how wa
getting on.
'Put, yer hands in, ye abominable youn;
dandy! What are ye afraid Of, wonder
In with yer hands!' My friend was littl
out of patience with me.
l could not bear the appellation Of dandy
so plunged my hands and arms into tn,
pickle, and brought whole layer Of pork
lnstinctively looked at my wristbands
Lucky that Isabel Richborn wasn't there tc
look also? | tore them off and flung then
into the furnace, glad to escape scconc
sight Of their fair (?) proportions.
Served ye right!' said my hard looking
friend, with evident satisfaction, "a man has
no business with such funny diddles-par.
ticularly if he goes pork fishing
seized the pork and held it ready for dc.
livery.
You'll have to trust me, hain't got the
money to spare jest now!' said he, taking
the purchase and making off.
stop, sir! stopn screamed after him,
none Of that! We don't credit
The old man said nothing, but laid down
the pork on box, and went out. Directly he
returned with Deacon Cutter and Squire
Brown, with both of whom was acquaint-
ed
'lIere's my bondsmen, ssaid he, leading
up the gentlemen; Squire, what's my
standin '?'
'Worth at least calculation, Charles, said
the Squire, turning to me. sat the least cal
culatlon, two hundred thousand dollars!'
And you wouldn't trust him for ten
pounds of pork, eh, Charley!' laughed Dca-
con Cutter-'but that's too good! ha! ha!
declared,
So much for appearances! Ever since
then, have never seen an old ragged man,
belonging in the country, without saying to
myself, 'There goes man of property!'
After this, customers came in so fast, that
it would be impossible to particularize.
sold almost everything, from silk dresses
down to clothes pins and penny Whistles
My success in drawing bargains was re-
markable, and it was near sunset, and vet |
had no dinner for the day. The fact of it
was, that at dinner time, | was SO full of
customers that didn't like to leave the
store for fear Of losing a trade, and now
found myself possessed of a singular long
ing for fragrant tea and hot biscuit. |
knew my pretty cousin Jennie would be sure
to have both ready for me.
was Just congratuating myself on nv
good luck for the day, and thinking how
surprised Harry would be, when he return
ed, at finding so much of his summer stock
disposed of-when in rushed the identical
old lady who had bought the de beige in the
early part of the day. She looked furious.
and bore in her hand a bundle, which SEEM
ed susplclously like the one she had carried
away frem the store that morning.
'1land over my money, it's nothing but
four pence cambrc! Miss Moss, the dress
maker says so! you young cheat of scamp!
you deceived me! Hand over my money, |
say!'
Before could get breath to reply, the
man who had purchased the two cents worth
of snuff made his appearance.
Sir said he with dignity, 'the snuff you
sold me this morning, is vilainous black
pepper, and my wife has nigh killed herself
taking it! Sir, her nose is nigh as large as
turkeys egg, and growing larger every
''''Pft'e INC my .uvu1.. o-,yu
woman.
'Give me my money! cried the snuff man.
sGive me my monevn yelled little ur-
chin, climbing upon crate of earthenware
to make himself more conspicuous. 'You
sent daddy smokin' terbacker instid Of
chawin', and mann copperas instead of sal
eratus, and Tom and Polly and the dog is
pisened with it; and daddy's got the trim
bles all over with the terbacker'
Sir, called to get my money! said a
fat man, in a yellow waistcoat, you sold
me indigo instead of blue vitriol.'
'Give me my money! cried the de beiat
woman.
'Give me my money! screamed the infu-
rated snuff man.
sGive me -monev-money.'
roared the whole posse in chorus.
sprang over the counter, and nearly
knocked down cousin Harry in the door
way, and never stopped until was safe or
the sofa by the side of sympathizing Jennie
Harry told me afterwards that my days
shop keeping cost him fifty dollars, besides
losing forever the custom Of the two pretty
girls who had brought the butter. and high
" offending the old de beige woman and he,
red haired daughter Sally, including the il.
lustrious Sam jackson.