San Andreas independent., 1858-07-17

Down the dim galleries or the Past,
/ And in the funeral train of years,
follow where my way was cast"
1t is nearly ten years since | made my
first appearance in the mimic world of
the stage; the intervening time is full of
event-important to me, but not, perhaps,
of sufficient Importance to others to JUS
tify recital.
[ will tell only the portent of few
hours in which young girl-a very child,
lived years of trembling hope and graft
fed ambition, which kindled in the soul
quenchless thirst to drink the ibations
which the multitude pour to the deity of
Genius. [ knew nothing of the life into
which | stepped that night, across the
threshold of my fathers door. My brother
had taken me but once to the Theatre, to
see the great actor of the day in "Mac-
beth" He -ras great. But the person
representing Lady Macbeth, was of or
dinary capacity. The house shook with
applause, yet | thought l could perceive
defects in the representation, and felt a
momentary desire to spring upon the stage
and undertake the more forcible render
inc Of character which the actress made
absurd to my own conception. Still the
audience applauded the coarse, stupid
woman who was lacerating the noble bard
whose creations have given Immortality to
historical beings which, but for him, wo d
be slumbering among the moth-eaten re-
cords from which the antiquary can trans
late little Of great achievement. That
night | lay awake till morning, reading
Macbeth" [ need not detail the ope-
rations of mind which in a few years
crowned me with the mimic diamonds of
the tragedy queen.
| stood trembling at the wing of the
largest Theatre in New Orleans, waiting
for the word that would call me before a
multitude of strange faces. The house
was one compact Of humanity, attracted
by the novelty of a first appearance. l
could read expectation and severe criti-
cism in the deep silence of the audience,
and my heart almost leapt out as stepped
before the immense throng. Ny first ar
ticulation was low and labored, but al
though little above whisper, it sounded
frightfully loud, as the applause, prompt
ed by my youthful appearance, subsidized
to breathless silence. / could see thou
sands of eyes fixed on me, and the audi
ence seemed to extend back half mile,
to perspective focus, like the narrowing
street Of a great city. | spoke with the
desperation of terror After perhaps a
dozen sentences a man in the pit raped
with his cane, and then came storm of
applause, which to me seemed louder than
the roar of a thousand landward- coming
waves, in their dissolution on the rocks.
1t was my first intoxicating draught of
gratified ambition. My head realed and
SWAN as though the Gulf Stream swept
by me, but it was only momentary, anu
when silence was restored [ was strong
and self-reliant. Round after round of
applause followed me through the piece,
and when the curtain fell | would feel the
stage trembling as some one led me to
seat, and finally, before the curtain, in
response to the continued clamorinos in
front. Blessings on that old man with
stick But for him [ must have failed
but for him the trembling girl would have
sunk before the merciless gaze of the
throng, before whom she was more of
spectacle than an actress. | am satisfied
now that my acting that night was like
the oratory of the school room, but the
impulse of that kind-hearted man made
me return home exultant and proud as
the young hero at his first ovation. Oh,
how naughty was my step as strobe home,
listening to the congratulations of my
friends. Siddons, in her proudest con-
quest, never felt greater exultation than
did |, when my brother kissed my cheek,
and talked of the events of the evening.
Gloriously rose the morning sun, with his
golden flood of day; the world was one
great temple of fame to the dome of which
| was swiftly to climb; the heavens were
but scroll, on which my name was to be
written from an alphabet of stars Little
did | think then that the flowers of youth
and hope which bent over and dipped
their faces In the gilded stream, would
turn to Dead Sea fruit, and fall to ashes
IN the stagnant pool that lies without the
boundaries of christian mercy. Among
the visions of that new day, | saw not the
austere form Of Religion, with excommu-
nlcatlng ban, furrowing chasm between
the actress and the Sacraments; I thought
not that department of art made lumin-
Gus by the highest intelligences of centu-
ries, should ever be craven around by the
proscriptive chisel of ecclesiastic, and de-
clared more profane than the work of
painter, sculptor or historian. | saw only
the golden-crested waves in which the
sunlight of a summers day was entombed
| felt not the Arctic rigor which was to
freeze me into companionless isolation.
The scene shifted; [ safe in lonely
tenement of a great city, watching the
life ebb away from little child whom I
had lifted from the soup troughs of the
poor. Her face was SO thin and pale, yet
beautiful as photograph wrought by the
pure light of heaven, from the angel who
smiles on the sleep of innocence. could
see the blood coagulating in her blue
veins, and [ felt the tremor when the pure
ca,,1 laopt o,,t +bo +or.i+o,.,- ofa l.