The Kanzas news., 1858-12-25

nshs.a shezsesnsss@ae De-
mocracy.n
ssThe Democracy are noted, the world
over, for their joking propehsities- They
not subsequently perpetEate huge ones
For Instance, their attempts to fasten slase-
~ upon Kansas. was only huge joke, m
tended to make Kansas and ths natien
.<Iaugh and grow fat" To besure. everybody
did not exactly see where the '.laugh came
in. y but nobody doubted that it was really
very laughable, and those rogueish Demo
Gratis stood by shaking their sides to see the
bemilderrnent oeeasioned By the inability of
people generally to comprehend the joke.
True to their instincts, these funny fell
lows, at their late convention. at Leaven
worth, prornuIged a platform. which. when
tie .spo;ns'' is discovered, viii be found to
be "huger' joke than any ever yet perpe-
trated by these inveterate jokers. The real.
simon pure platform. which they expect to
fight on was suppressed, for the present
But through the services of a friend, who
lives at the "seat of war" we have pro-
cured it, and herewith present it to our rea-
ders. vouching for its accuracy in every re-
spect:
WHEREAS, This is an age of humbugs,
and the soil of Kansas being especially adap-
ted to the growth of such, We hereby give
notice of our intention to do all in our pow
er to perpetuate that grandest of humbugs,
the Democratic party" fully believing that
a lie well stuck too is infinitely better than
the truth. AND WHEREAS, The aforesaid
humbug is in eminent danger of being cap
sized by girafical combination of Repub-
licans, liquor -haters, and enemies of our
beloved Irish friends, it becomes our duty
to make ourselves heard upon these impor-
tant topics, and to come out knock-kneed
and flat-footed, big-nosed and parrott-toed,
against these measures, which are desi igned
to crush all that is dear to US, viz: the sew
en- principles of the Democratic party-fve
loaVes and two fishes-therefore be it pow
erfully
ResoZved, That we hate everything that
hates Democracy, and we will endeaYor to
knock into nonentity the evil spirits that as
sail us; therefore, feller dimerkrats vet your
yistles, aud 60 at 'em.
Resolyed. That liquor is liquor, the world
over-provided its not made of drugs, rats,
and deceased colored gentlemen, and ought
to be respected.
RESOLVED, agin on the liker question:
That no man should be deprived of his
FIRST tove, and that good liquor being the first
love of pure Democracy, and its strong al
ly, we'll hold on till the critter upsets US
and leaves US to an ignominious fate in the
gutter and mud puddle, with sympathizing
pigs and mourning hogs around US, giving
vent to their lacerated feelings in squeals
and grunts too terrible to be tolerated by
sovereign men.
Resolued, That an American is just as
good as an Irishman, provided that he be-
haves himself, and don't eat up all the pra-
ties-and therefore is entitled to a vote just
the same as an lrishman, provided he votes
the Democratic ticket without scratching.
Resolved, That these Republicans are ia
king from US our bread and butter, and be-
lieying, as we do, that we might as well be
dead as live with nothing to eat, therefore
we are opposed, tooth and hoof, to all scamps
who would deprive us of the last morsel of
public sop, and leave US to the dreadful al
tentative of going to work to get some
thing to eat for ourselves, and dependent
wives, and large and interesting families of
dear little children. Our hearts bleed, and
knees and backs ache, at the painful thought.
ResolUed, more powerfully still, That this
Convention excommunicate, ,excoriate, trans
mogrify, and eternally tear out by the horns,
boots, and toe-nails, every man who will
not boldly declare himself veteran in this
Al j
ing the hopes within US, and denying our
rights to the public crib. "lNulitus, racki-
tus, cri6itus, .fodderus in plain
Democratic language means, we'll stand up
to the rack while the fodder lasts.
RESOLVED, That the firm and immovable
Democratic party does mol now stand just
where it always stood before il got knocked
down in New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio,
Indiana. Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin,
Minnesota. Iowa, Maine, New Hampshire,
and several of the other United States, and
New Jersey; and unless something power
full is administered as soon as may be, it
will stand no where-the promised land will
be out of sight. and Jordan viii be hard
road to travel" Therefore, in conclusion,
permit US to say, that as the times that try
Democrats sOtes are now at hand, we must
buckle on the brass mounted principles of
the faithful, and tell the savage foes to come
on, and if We think they're going 10 hurt
us, wen get out of their way, cry for quar-
ters, and if they'll give US half the spoils,
well come to their terms.
Resolred, That Democracy is the su-
premacy of man over his accidents, and we
hereby express our contempt for a man with
sprained ankle. and unmitigated scorn for
anybody who may be kicked by a mule or
a woman.
Resolved. That we endorse Stephen A.
Buchanan and Jeemes Douglas.
ResoEued, That ours being a struggle,
not only for principal. but interest also,
should we be defeated, as is quite probable,