Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1858-12-17
THE GAZETTE.
FRIDAY MORNING, DEcxsRER II, 1865
A SOCIAL SKETCH.
From Pupch's Pocket Book. |


Readers, Constant" or incOnstsnt, of
course you know the Toothpickers. Oue
meets them at every evening party that one
goes to. In fact, no evening party would be
tbooght complete without them. One is sure
to find herd of them in the doorway OF the
drawing-room, and q s!raggler or two is al
WAYS to be seen upon the staircase. They
derive their name of Toothpicker from the
sort of after-dinner toOtbpick air there is
about them. Taey coma generally III cou-
pies, and come rather late, aud with the
ldisser alter look Of men who have just been
dining. So long as the toothpcs-chewing
mania Continued the Tootbpickers were ai-
WAYS seeo TO Re sfilcted with 1t, and nothing
but the fear of being placed in Bedlsm pre-
vents them, even now, from giving vent 10
the insanity. Evening party-goers never
need look lar to fud Toothpicker. One
cannot escape seeing them, for they are al
WAYS 10 the way. Que can neither leave the
room nor enter it without a tussle TO get past
them. II your partner wants an iee' you
have to squeeze through them to get It. And
then they jam up close agaiu the instant
you've gone through, as though they were all
hung on hinges aud had doorspr'ngs 10 their
back bones. The Tuoihpicksrs belong to the
tribe of Wallaowers; but there are between
them some marked poiots OF difference. 10
the first place, they are onlv found the male
sex. As far as we can learo. no one ever
vet has seen female Toothpicker. 1t ever
one existed il may now be classified among
the extiuct animals. Again, unlike the wall
flowers the ToothpickeIs are seldom 10 De
found inside the drawing room. They ire
uueut the ioe.room and the staircs sc, AID the
landings; but the walls OF the drawiog-room
are generally free from them. The doorposts
are, however, their fasorIte place OF resting.
1t is always there the Toothpickers do most
" congresate. They are not shy an'n as
bot they like to keep together and they d'nt
care to associate with other than their spe'
ces. They avoid locomotion, and seldom
take much exercise; but it must not be IN
ferred that they are weak or mnscielese.-
The way 10 which they stand al out the nor
WAY the whole evening is satisfying proof
that thew have no mean crursl poae ana
that their dorsal muscles are prodigiousiY
degeloped 10 shown by the tenaclty WIN
which they nightly in the season stick their
backs against the doorpOsts. They adhere
to place az firmly as q government otn,iai;
and, like the wings, if you displace them,
they ure certain to come back. A CRY OF
"Suppsr" generally induces them to move.
but have known herd OF Toothpickers re-
fuse to be disturbed byit. Although they con-
descend occasionally to stalk through quad
rifle, it may be laid down ss a rule that toe
Toothpickers don't dance, | recoliect once
asking one the reason why he didn't. And 10
graciously informed me he Thought dawn
cling q eweat baw-for it nude one feel 81
awosticky, and it-sw-diswanged ones
waistcost." In general. the ToothP'ckers
are not very communicative. Two WORDS
in ten minutes seems about the pace at
which their conversation travels. After
supper, certainly, thanks to their lbs-
lions of pale ale ard champagne, they eeDer,
ally contrive to sparkle up q bit. But TIL
they get the liquids they are generally mute7.
Mutes TOO they arc really, IN more senses
than one. For they look, in their woite
chokers and expressionless fixed features
much more fit to to on duty on the doorstep
ut funeral than to be hanging, like wet
blsnkets, sbou. the doorway Of a drawing
room. Another of their pecularities is that
one never hears them largh. 1t cant be
for the want of having cause for laughter
tor you know at every evening party there's
always lots to laugh at. But suppose they
don't like "twouble" and think it great
baw" or are afraid that the exercise OF laugh
ing might fatigue them. o.. possibly 1t may
be that they think it "Wude" to laugh.
believe it's thought a sign Of good breeding
not to laugh. At least, it certainly 10 the
fact that the higher the society the less
laughing you hear in it. II the best OF jokes
be cracked land you know 10 some circles
it is thought extremely vulgar to crack JokeSl
you will slways fud the ToothpickerS will
never condescend to do the least bit more
than smile at them. Indeed, their heaI.est
e. of laughter is only loud smile. They
seem to bother it somehow, and let explode
inwardly. like bad ginger beer. ] have been
all uy life 60 observer Cf the Toothpiekers,
and | declare ! never heard one actually
laugh. You offer catch them smiling, bot
this is ell they do; and they do this a u Car
ker, just to show their teeth. Ibe most Dolls
terously bent of them shrink from an indui'
gence 10 open caohination. 1t they ever are
amused land it lie no easy labor to a@use
Toothpicker) they smile sort ofhali-laugn
as a proof of their enjoyment. Creek your
best of Jokes With them, and this is all you
get for it. They dare not open their lips tar
for fear their toothpick should drop out, or
lest they disarrange the curl of their NOUS
tsches. As vide mouths are thought Vul-
gar, they take care not to stretch theirs ny
giving a. broad grin, and a. for ever getting
them to ring peal Of laughter. you might
ns we'll expect to hear them ringing Bob
Major.