The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1858-02-18
WITTICIsMs.
GA lass, I am no more," as the girl said
when she got married.

when she got married.
To keep shippers out of bacon in the
summcr-eat it in the early spring.
If small boy is called lad, it is prop
cr to call Il big boy ladder.
Wo hear Of hen-pcckcd husbands, but
nothing about rooster-peckcd wives.
A hen pcckcd husband says that instead
of himself and wife being one, they arc ten
for she is l and lie is 0.
lie who stabs yoa with Il pen would do
the same with penknfe, were he as safe
from detection and the law.
An editor out in Iowa says they don't
bag Of the size Of their babies, hut they
arc most uncommon sure crop.
The cradle is woman's ba'otbox. Yes,
and some Of them deposit in it two ballots
ut once. Now, isr't that illegal
Some one has defined an editor as hcin"
poor fellow, who cn,pticd his brains to
fill his stomach.
Says Dick to Joe: "Dil you attend
church Yesterday! = 81 WIS confined to INV
room was the reply. "Ah, you had the
room-it-ism, lhcn,' said Dick.
Patrick O'Flahcrty said that his wife WIS
very un=nal"tul, tor "whin | married her
she hadn't II rag to her back, and now she's
covered with en-
"My wife," said wag the other day,
"canc near calling me honey last nigh
g Indeed. how WIS ,hat!' "Why, she
called me Old Bees Waxr"
The "cyc Of the law" has bccome so
weak from the want OF proper practice in
the different courts, that it is going to adj
'crl!se lor pupil.
Johns wife and John were hie.u.ieic :;
she witty WAS, Industrious lie. Says John,
u cared the bread we've ate" "anl :"
s;ys she, have arncf the tca"
"pcopir," says modern philosopher,
go according 10 their brains if these lie
i'll their head, they study: it in their belly,
tlicy cat; II i'll their heels, they dance"
y bachelor i'll Detroit having advertised
for ~ wife to share his tot," IAN anxious,
inquirer" has solicited information us to the
sac of said lot"
Some Of the domestic events Of drunk.
cnncsS are houses without windows, gar
deus without lcnccS, and fields without Til
lagc, barns without roofs, children without
clothing, principles, morals Or manners.
On hearing Ike rc:rl that eighteen rams
were 10 bc used i'll ,unchin" the l.cvittllan,
Mis-. lailinyiun rrua, kcL that sic l,clicyc.l
Il few y"ik, oI oxen would do IL great deal
Letter Than rams.
"Nhat arc YOU going to give me for II
Christmas prcscn, = asked II gay tlamscl to
her lover. 81 have nothing to give but
my humble SELF" WAS the reply. "Thc
SMALLEST li.vors gratefully rcccived,' WAS the
merry response Of the lady.
y handsome young bride WAS observed
to be i'll deep reflection OH her wedding .lav.
Que Of the bridesmaids asked the SUBJECT of
her mcdiiation. Il am thinking" Size rc.
piled, (which of my braux | should marry,
III casc should become !. widow"
"iou say this animal has made his mile
under three minutes - "Ycs." "Mav
l be allowed to inquire how long snce:'
" Certainly; within three weeks" "Onc
question morc-wherc did he do t9" son
the Rutland RaiIroad cars-down grade"
"Zounds, fellow!' exclaimed cholcric
old gentleman to Il very phlcynatic matter
of-t;.ct person, 81 shall go out of my wits"
'WcII, you won't have far to yo," said
the phlcgmatic man.
The late Rev. Daniel Isaa: was both
great way and great smoker. "Ah!
there you are" cried Il lady who surprised
linn one day with il pipe in his mouth, "at
your idol again" "Ics, madam" he coolly
replied, burning it,"
"Why don't you limit yourself!" said a
physician to IN Incorporate person /: "sct
down stake that you will go So far and no
farther" $50 do" said the topper; "but
set it SO far of that always get drunk be-
fore | get to it,"
Downing, the great oyster purvcyor, on
being asked if the hard times had affected
his business Oh New Years day, replied -
Not at all yer see gin out that anybody
what didn't have oysters on his table would
be considered deud broke and the consc-
quencc was that | sold more oysters than |
ever did aforc."
A lady was recently teaching boy to
spell. The boy spclt "c-o-l-d," hut could
not pronounce it. In vain his teacher asked
him TO think and try. At last she asked
him-"What do you get when you 90 out
upon the wet pavement on n rainy day and
wet your feet: Il gets licking"
a Manchester schoolmaStcr received the
following notice from the father of one of
his pupils: "This is to give you noaticc
that if you thump Georges head gainst
the desk game shalle cum and do the
same 10y you; give something lie OF to be
teached, not drawing maps and gativc