Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1858-05-29

butcher. Faithlessness to the dimity insti-
tuition is q sure sign of want of principle,
piety and good bringing up" 49, 4
CO There are hundreds of idle young
men who expect to keep out of the work.
house BY marrying fortune. They don't
care for the lady, nor her beauties Of mind
and heart, but they idolze money. Only
think of a man planting himself down, and
loafng on his wte's money! What thing!
GO John Chinaman stopped into Jew.
elry store in San Francisco, and inquired If
they had any consistencies. On being asked
to explain himself, he didn't know what con.
sisteney was, but he had been told it was
some sort of a Jewel, and he should like to
see one. Ho was informed that it was doubt
full if any shopkeeper in the city possessed
the article.
SoMNoLENr.-One of the .jokers says -
"Women require more sleep than men, and
farmers less than those engaged in any other
occupation. Editors, reporters. printers and
telegraph operators need no sleep at all -
Lawyers can sleep as much as they choose,
and thus keep ont of mischief Clergymen
can sleep twenty.four hours, and put their
parish to sleep oDce week."
~ The wife of John D. Hutton, of Phil
adelphia, has left his bed and board, where.
upon John wakes poetical and adver.ises her
in the following doggerel:
"My wife has left my bed and board,
For few days, for a few days;
She left it of her own accord,
When was out from home. -z
/ caution all to this amount.
s Nowadays, nowadays, f'
Don't trust her on my account,
For she's never coming hOme."
ALL SORTS OF PIE. PLANT.-They are get
ting sharp down at Lafayette, Ia, under the
influence of their great mineral and water
facilities. A horticulturist advertised that
he would supply all sorts of trees and plants,
especially ''pie- plants of all kinds" A gen.
tleman thereupon sent him an order for
lone package of custard pie seed, and few
dozen of mince pie plants" The gardener
promptly filled the order by sending him 4
goose eggs and small dog. The Courier
vouches for the statement.
c. couple of idle fellows strolled into
the colored church, at Hartford, few even
ings since, to enjoy the fun !; but when the
coOred minister rose up to preach, before an
nouncing his text, he leaned forward on the
pulpit, and looked slowly around on his con-
gregatloa. "BreGren.' says he at length,
MAY de LORI have mercy on all de scoffers"
(Long pause.) "May de LORI have mercy on
all de aughers." (Selemn pause) "May de
Lor' have mercy on de two peanut eaters
down by the door" The two young men
did not wait for the bencdiction. 90
PRUDENT NIGERIA gentleman of Nor.
folk, Va, had fine negro, to whom he gave
the privilege of hiring himself out, and
keeping one-half of the wages. A short
time since the negro came home to his mas
ter, to tell him that the man for whom he
had been working wished to buy him, and
would give thirteen hundred dollars for
him.
"Well," said his master, swhat of that :
don't wishto SELL"
"But you see, massa," said Sam, "I's had
cough sometime, and specs Pm gwine
into de sumption. l don't spec shall last
more'n two or three years, and I'd like to
take dat man in !" @ s
THE CHICKEN AND FEATHERS break
fast one morning, in that quiet and comfort
able old inn, the White Swan, in York, a
foreigner made quick work with the eggs.
thrusting his spoon into the middle, he
drew out the yolk, devoured it, and passed
on to the next. When he had got to bis
seventh egg, an old farmer, who had already
been prejudieed against Monsieur by his
mustachios, could brook the extravaganza no
longer, and speaking up, said: "Why sir.
you leave ali the white How is Mrs. Lock.
wood to afford to provide breakfast at that
rate 2" "Vy," replied the outside barbara
| an, "yOu wouldn't have me eat the vite2 De
yolk is de shicken; de vite de fedders. Am
| to make Won bolster of my pelly ~ Tie
farmer was dumb-founded.
w The following sample of "darkey,
talk is characteristic aud amusing
9 So you had bad Susancide at your
house last mite, SAM" said a colored gem
man, on meeting his colored crony, q waiter
at the hotel. a
sob, yes, Lemuel, dat we had-it almost
scarf me into takin' drink. He was jis
from California, wild heeps of newspapers.
He cum ODER the Jerecipelus by de Niger.
auger route, and put up at our house prebi.
US to his 'ribal. / tort de man was out oh
his head, kase he CUB me shillin' as soon
as he laid eyes on me-from dat mint stuck
by him for fear sum interested pusson might
get o hold OBJ him. De next mornin' as de
chamberlnad was agwane up stars wild
a SHUTTLE OBJ kole for her breckfass, she smelt
lodlum, passin' de mans do; soon as she
smelt dat, She smeit rat. She nocked to
de mans do, but no answer. Den she broke
de do' down, and dar laid de man wild lie
boots on, and in he troat wus a stickin' in q
bottle of lodlum. She hollered, and we all
kotched hold oh de bottle to pull it out, but
it wasn't no uee. We had to send for dc
sturgeon. De sturgeon cum and made de-
cision here in de neck, ME de borax, which
reached as far as the equilibrium reached in
to de sarafogus, and putin corivon in de
decision, CUB it a poke wild dispatchlus,
out flew de bottle, and all was safe"
sW hat was safe, Sam, de man 20
ssNo, de bottle de man was dead afore de
sturgeon cum; but he had to do surnfin to
earn feeler."
''Wus dar anything found in de pockets,
Sam ?"
'.How you -'pose know Do you tink
I'd put my hand in to feela Wat you mean
to insiniwate?"
Oh, noffin-only neber seed you hab7
SIGH good close on afore, dat's all.
w The greatest modern wonder in gym
nastics is not the turning of double summer
sets as shown in circus bills; but the Demo-
cratic party has now turned three without