Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1858-01-21

20 the coDjugal altar ofhymeniality and there
they became one and the same animal, cx-
cept Eve, like most of women, got little
longer tongue than Adam, and as they very
uphouiously express it ''woman's privilege, "
and if you don't believe they take 'privil-
ege' with it-just make one mad ifyou dare,
and she'lluse you upa little of the quickest; !;
but for all that women is one of the greatest
things that ever wore sh- slippers. O.:
woman woman . woman ;. how do love
you. O!-I-pshaw.. can't expressly
myself love you better than dog does
his dinner. Why my great Grandmother
was woman. And. the gals too are galvan-
izing all the boys-is such things to be i'm
profastinated? My dear friend, were you
ever in love? Jerusalem but you were in
predicarism fell in love once. felt
as if was at the end of rope kicking the
air, with "a cat in my hat and a peck Of yal-
Ter jackets under my weiscoat. Double dis
titled essence of sour-crought . but the gal
was magnetizing-she was mild as a domes
ticatcd hyener-shc walked like an uuchaut-
ed gosln-the amaranthinc splcndors of her
radiant physioguomy impcted luctlterous
cogitations and artrious solicitudity to fugi-
tate like apple dumplins at a log rollin-
picked runkins! how she could sing-her
voice was sweeter than the "mhsic of the
Spheres or the mewing CT forty tom cats
all in full fur for row. San Jehoakim how
she could play the f1dlc-her music Was
sweet enough to make Peggy Ninny break
her fiddle and Apollo to hide behind the
moon-Oh! it was the julep of my dreams
and the noodle soup of my makiug-that gal !.
that gal those gal If had as many
lives as Plutarch, Pde spend 'em all for her
yes, rde commit susancides.
The next thing is-something else. Fash
ions, did you say. 1t amberlates from the
highest ranks of men to the blacklist nigger
with his suudy-go to-meetin shirt on. Why,
just look at the young men nowadays, they
dress fine enough to magnetic a mice, and
they'll go into ''6ve cornered phits or hexa-
gonal Mysteries" if they amt dressed as fine
as red fiddle with blue ribbon in it, They
used to have these amphibious, sudiferous,
great big, four horse standing collars, high
as the hind end of Virginia tobacco wagon,
but now they have an institution called Bi-
rons, wide enough to reach from Pills
kitchen to Hannahs cottonpatch.
Cigars they'll smoke and glasses dash,
Empty pockets and got no cash
Fine kids that save their hands from dirt,
And stately studs stabbed on their shirts
With their tight legged pants and their shanghai
coats,
And hair on their faces like parcel of goats.
But the womcn--thcy "disengage the di-
lapidated linen from the iufantilc tree, "
they're gettin bigger and bigger with this
monstrous running institution caled--hoops'
Hoops when their sturdy clasps confne,
In brown old casks, the richest wines,
Are objects Of admiration:-
But hoops rs part Of a woman's baggage,
Are like the whoops Of q painted savage,
\ vile abomination."
like plumpness and roundity we'll e..
nough in their proper places, but what sense
is there in being so drcadfully orbicular a
bout their pedal extremities ? Why if a fel-
low wants to walk with 'em, or court 'em, he
amt got half hack,
For instead of timidly drawing near
And pouring into the thrilling ear
=. The food of his souls devotion,
! He must standan below in thunder tones,
Across half acre Of skirts and bones
As if hang q ship on the ocean.
And if by chance the maid of his choice,
Should family hear her lovers voice
Aud smile lrer conlcScension,
Why he captures mass of hoops and rings,
Skeletons homes and other things
To tedious to mention"
Well, women and cats are quare quadru-
peds, that is if cats is quadrupeds and if
they amt, women is, which is catamount to
the same thing. I'm opposed to fashions,
and especially these darned socks, but them
that wants darnin, is the darndest things
that ever was left undarned,' if they amt
I'll be bamboozlifed all over We oughn't
to be spending our money for such things,
our life is short and we ought to be savin'
of it. As sScicero the orotor who fourished
in the time of Catelico the Conspigirator,
very sententiously ly Observes
I "Celestos qud, horriic scarenm,
Tcrrors convusitinstanter tarcum.''
And what does Shakespeare say about the
same thing? 1--WE all spring up like as
parrow grasses, hop about like hopper grass
es, and lie down and die like jonny horses" !"
In conclusion,-I suppose you are all
waiting with great expectation for the termi-
nation of my historical narration, for sitting
in one situation without changing your sta
/ ton, you must be tired as the nation. We
are now about to make scatteration all over
this wide creation, some will sink to high
station, others rise to degradation, now if
you want any more atons and rations, just
walk around and we'll have some nice coal
lations and tall firtatioDs, for as my friend
Horace joyously remarks,
''Nunc est bibendum, nunc pede libero
Pulsanda plunkus.
! How TO TELL.-A traveller called at night
fall at 4 mer's-the owner being from
home, and the mother and daughter being
alone, they refused to lodge the wayfarer.
Chow far then," said he, ''to house where
a preacher can get lodging?" "Oh, ify you are
preacher" said the lady, &" you can stay