The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1858-04-29
John Chinanian.


John Chinaman is one Of the most incom-
prehensible Of all human creatures. He does
| all ordinary things, il is true in a manner
quite different from ours. He shaves the up
per side Of his head whilst we shave the
lower; he writes in perpendicular lines whilst
We write in horizontal ones he begins his
dinner in fruits and sweet meats, TO end with
fish and soup; in taking tea he puts the
saucer on the cup instead OF the cup in the
saucer; he steers by the South pole instead
Of the North; and in looking at our CONNER
cial relations it seems that while we are busy
10 Transporting live Chinese TO America he
is quite as busy in the shipment Of dead ones
1 to China. But, after we have thus come to
see how extraordinary is the mental condi-
ton with the consequent conduct Of John in
ordinary things, how shall we find faculties
/ to conceive and language TO express the ex-
! traordnary extraordinarnesS OF his think
ings and doiogs in extraordinary matters?
! We do not believe that he can be accom-.
plished by the imperfect implements OF
| speech which We outside barbarians possess,
and without some aid from the extra eighty
| thousand and odd words OF some fifty.vol-
ume-in-iolio edition of the latest and best
dictionaries OF the middle kingdom. For,
| here We have the fact, as we understand il,
Of some twelve months, more or less, Of pro-
carnations, and counter proclamations,
thrown OIL continually in great storm-clouds
| Of lnky paper, between Commissioner Bow
ring at Hong Kong, and Commissioner Yeh
at Canton, with occasional intermediate fur
ries of powder, and ball running up and
down through the mouth Of the tiger-while
every now and then the Earl of Clarendon
has been coming down to the House of
Lords, or Lord Palmerston to the House of
Commons, with long visage and solemn
speech, full Of potents dire and threats Of
warllke assault against the Tartarlc obsti-
macy of the son OF heaven and father of the
moOn--and while COmmander-in chief Ash
burnham and High Plenipetentiary Elgin
are dashing to and fro, like men beside
themselves, from Calcutta TO Hong Kong
and Hong Kong to Calcutta, perplex-
ing nations" but most of all, perplexing
good old Admiral Sir Michael Seymour
and whilst Emperor Napoleon is hurrying
of ships and soldiers to China, professedly
to help England, but little more to take
care that she shall not too much help herself
and while President Buchanan is des-
patching Mr.. Commissioner Reed to the
scene OF common tribulatiOn in great ships
of war; 20 great as to render it impossible
they should ever get near enough to the
coast of the celestial empire to do any harm
to its long queued inhabitants-in the midst
of oil this, when the half puzzled, half terri
fed world is about to stand from under, as
the impending crash OF empire comes On
10, at that awful moment, the beligerent allies
make their entrance TO the heart OF Canton,
chiefly impeded by the industrial enterprise
of the Chinese in stealing their match trains,
fusets, and other powdery c0ntrvances Of
mischief, and selling them back again at
double price, and Imperial Commissioner
Yeh. with his principal officers, are found in
the government palace TRANQUILITY smoking
their pipes, drinking shamshoO and playing
chess, wondering what the English and
French are in such passion about, the Im-
perial Commissioner himself being quite
ready to take an aquatic trip down the river
in Sir Michael Seymour best steam man-of-
war, provided only that during his absence
Deputy. Commissioner Peikwa shall remain
behind to carry on, with such advice and
assistance as the assembled wisdom of Eng
land and France may give him, the admin
istratve affairs of the conjoint provinces OF
Quangtung and Quangsi. And 50 Imperial
Commissioner ieh presents himself 10 In
pcrlal Commissioner Elgin, and, with Il
roguish twinkle of his little eyes and sig
nicant touch of his thumb and outspread
fingers to his little nose, says" Well, what
are you going to do now and the placid
Earl of Elgn is doubtful whether to laugh
or swear at this most unexpected and most
unmaginabIe manifestation of the impertur-
bable ris inertia Of these extraordinary Co
les,ials. Why shall he undertake to answer
the sly question of Commissioner ieh? Not
we, certainly. And We think that to
find proper answer to II viii prove rather
embarrassing even 10 such practiced states
men as the Earl Of Derby and tie Earl Of
Malmcsbury.