Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1858-06-23
did not move me then. | went on, and
the door was shut between us.

4
days. the wretehed, lonely nights, the con-
slant Saunting memories of my child, and
the bitter self-accusations alternating with
my burning resentment against my husband.
He was very unhappy, too, perhaps more
so than myself; for he had a tenderer ma
ture, more loving, more dependent upon
others for love and sympathy, and this hor-
rible estrangement was an hourly torture
to him. He tried more than once to effect
a reconciliation, entreating me to forget the
words he had once spoken in the first shock
and horror in my intelligence-to let the
past, with all its sins and sorrows, be bu-
ried IN the child's grave, and begin anew a
better and happier life of mutual trust and
mutual forgiveness. Ny guardian likewise
tried reproach, expostulation, entreaty.-
But | awed him into silence with a few
limperious words SO that he never made
a second attempt. And as for Norman, |
turned from him with bitter, unforgiving
determination, refusing to answer, even to
listen to his pleadings.
Then he gave me up at last He did
not tell me So but knew he had resolved
in his own mind never again to offer the
request which had been SO scornfully re-
jected. He was hopeless for the future,
and | saw that he believed me unworthy of
any further effort. 1t will be supposed the
conviction did not tend to soften me. /
carried myself more haughtily than ever
toward him when had read In his face
that last determination, as if to prove to
him, the truth of his own thought
I,,E ort4 ho Of hT1r of
= was extreme for do what | might, | could
y not crush my love and my yearning for
u u him. All the "many waters" of my anger
u could not "quench love, neither could the
: floods" of my pride and passion "drown
+ + it."
y I wonder that the dread of final separ-
: alton between us never crossed my mind.
: | have since learned that it was the princi-
7 pie of the marriage-Yow, which, though it
: pressed so lightly upon me, neither time
y nor change could dissolve to him, that
- alone prevented it. "For better or worse,
'15 Se to love and to cherish"-my proving un,
\ worthy had not, to his conscience, released
y him from the duty of watching over and
cherishing me, and averting the suspicion
n and foul sander that would, inevitably, have
ld been fastened on me by my own reckless
m ness had we separated. Even to spare him
e; self useless regrets, and hopeless yearning'
kept alive by my presence, he would not
terly forsake me. did not appreciate
. - magnanimity, and he knew that diC
i9EII>v/, but that made no change in his sim
pie principle of right was saved by il
IN, without knowing or thinking of the dan
1t ger in which | stood, and which nothin,
'eo else could have averted.
ne There came an unlooked-for diversion
at my misery by-and-by; but scarcely kne,
mt whether it was an increase or an allevif
ant ton | grew conscious that was to be
IN mother again. At first the knowledge fiji
on ed me with impotent rage; afterward thel
came a tender, remorseful memory of m
u?" lost baby, and the thought sprung up th
l might atone for my wrong there by a
out ting a mothers part to this child. III
= two feelings struggled within me throug
out the whole time. Sometimes look
ion, forward to the child's birth almost hop
lor- fully, with an underlined idea that it mig
n - bring me measure of comfort and peaC
d is But again al my evil passions rose up
rebellion at the thought that | should be
. him another infant, and almost hated
hid innocent little creature that was so soon
see the light. What were Norman's fe
ying Jugs about it did not know. No wo
MP was exchanged between US; for we ne,
nate spoke to each other alone. We went c
led together, as we had done before, and,
reed public observers, there was no difference
Won our intercourse and conduct. Our mutt
for pride conspired to prevent strangers FRI
seeing our domestic troubles; but eve
Do,+ day the wall of separation grew higher a
80 stronger between us. | bore my burd
rs rs alone, through uays ofheaviness and mig
!, he. Of pain, uncheered by sympathy or co
NJ ~ panionship with him who should have be
- my stay and strength and most efficit
y &c comforter.
! IL y When the child was born he came
naoI - me, while | lay in the first great weakn
- and exhaustion, and stopped over the
y to kiss me. 1t was the first time his
had touched my cheek in SO many mont
onoJ and the light pressure thrilled every ne
~ ,0 with an indescribable sensation of delig
IA For one moment the impulse was strong
- throw my arms round his neck and h
D1loof ulul 81 CIOSc W liIc IudC VIC ShOulQ hS
.t+ .+ans be parted again; but the next moment
1Vp was perverse spirit was in the ascendant.
: ',oaa 80 brushed the kiss away, with look and /
o snot ture of repugnance, and drew the COY
> r. r. hastily over my face to avoid meeting
" LII Ill eyes. / thought he would go away,
,,oan o.1,,' he did not The nurse and physician
in the next room, busted with the cl
rth All y and, for the minute, Norman was al
c., saco with me. He bent down and whispe
n,1 ~ "Agnesw
tbo "Go away" | answered under the
: W. ers Il do not wish to hear word
y h;. can say. Do not speak to me-"
~ ~ 49, He answered by drawing the quilt {
my face and taking hold Of my hands
ou could not resist him in my weakness, h
7 ior or shut my eyes and steeled my heart I
WIN lutely against any appeal he might m
ne 70 Il determined once," he began, "n
nave to say a word like this to you again
cnliu' did not know then that any such bon
this child existed between us; but nc
1t out is born, and | must speak to you. Ae
re he for your infants sake if not for your
now, or mine, put an end to this state of tn
{ love, Give me the power, as it is my righ