Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1858-03-27
How Ben purtle rot his Wife.

for its next ncighbor His face was freck-
led as the most bcspotted turkey egg. His
nose supported at the bridge a LARGE lump,
while the end turned viciously to one side.
Ills mouth had every shape but pretty
| shape. Ills form was us uncouth as his
face was ugly. Theyery climax of usliness
was little Ben Purtle-what was more still,
Ben had handsome, bouncing, blooming
Wlte--such as can only be grown upon a
country lawn.
(" How the Deuce" said I to Ben one
day, "dld you ever get such wife, you
uncouth, mlshoppcn, quintessence of mon
Ben was not at all offended by the i'm
pcrtlncncc of my question, and forthwith
began to solve the question thus
We'll, now, gals what's sensible aint
touched by none of your purity, and hifalu-
tin airs. I've seed that tried MORN once.
You know Kate was alters considered tho
purtiest girl IN these parts, and all the
young ielicrs In the naborhood use to try to
cotch her. Well / used TO 90 over to old
Sammys too, just to kinder look on, YOU
know, and casta sleeps eye at Kate. But
marsy sakcs / had no more thought that
| could get Kate than Jerusalem cricket
could hide in the hair that wasn't on old
Sammys hcad-no stree. But still L
couldn't help going, an' my heart would
kinder iiuttcr, and my eyes would burn all
over, whenever I'd 90 to talk with KATY.
And one day when Kate sorter made fun
OF me like, it almost killed me sure | went
home with something like rock iostlng
about in my breast, and declared I'd hang
myself with the first plow line | found"
P" Did you hang yoursclf?'
No; daddy bazcd out to me for not
taking old Ball to the pasture in the morn
ing, and scared me so that forgot it,"
" Go on" said |, seeing Ben pause with
apparent regret that he had not executed
his vow.
" Well, SO one Monday morning-G
reckon it was year after that hanging
scrape)-l got up and scraped my face with
daddy's old razor; and put on my new cop,
Pus britches, and new linsy coat NANNY
had dyed with sassafras bark, and went
over to Uncle Sammy's Now, I'd cot to
loving Kate like all creation, but never
chcapcd to anybody about my feelings.-
But knowcd L was on the right side of
the old folks.
Well, now, amt it quccr," continued
Ben, +" How feller will feel sometimes
Something seemed to say as | went along,
Ben Purtle, this is great day for you"
and then my heart jumped and huttered
like jay bird in trap And when l cot
there and seed Kate with her new checked
homcspun frock on, rally thought should
take the blind staggors, anyhow"
Ben paused again to brush the fog from
his eyes, and then continued:
We'll, | found the order of the day.
was to go muscadine hunting. 10 Sharp
and his two sisters, and Jim Bowels was
thar. I'd knowed a long time that Sharp
was right after Kate, and J. hated him worse
than hog hates to find his way out of
tator patch; but | didn't let on Sharp
had on white bitches and fine shoes, and
broadcloth oNcrcoat but every body knowcd
he wasn't worth red cent He walked
with Kate and you ought to have seen the
ans he put on. 1t was " Miss Kate" this,
and " Miss Kate" that, and all such non
sense. After while we come near a
slough whar VIC had to cross on log, and
I'd notion to push the sassy good for
nothing follcr into the water"
Why didn't you?"
Stop, never mind" said Ben, giving
" " ""'SoI ioNlucncc uOnc all up
brown. Nothing must do but Joe Sharp
must lead Miss Kate across fust. He
jumped on the log in high glec and took
kate's hand, and they put off, Just as
they had got half way across, tarnation
big bull frog jumped off into the water
yon know how they hollcr--" Snakes %
screamed the fool, and knocked Kate of. up
to her waist in the nasty, black, muddy
water, AND what dye think he done -
why he run backwards and foreds, hollcr-
IN for pole to help ate out of the water
Kate looked at me, and oouldn't stand If
no longer. Cur chuck hIten feet from
the bank at the first jump, ana Lad Kate
out of there in no time. And dye J,ink
the scamp didn't como up after we'd 60.
out, and said "Aryou hurt, Miss Kate ?"
My dander was up / couldn't stand
it; | cotchod him by the seat of his white
britches and his coat collar, and gin him
toss. Maybe he didn't go clear under
when he hit the water. | didn't see him
out. Me and Kate put for the house.
When we started off, Kate said
"Ben, just let me hold on to your arm,
kinder feel sorter weak"
Great Jimmy | felt so quar- when she
took hold. | tried to say something nice,
but my drotted mouth would not go off, no
how. But / felt as strong as an elephant,
and helped Kate along. Bimeby Kate
said:
Ben, that Joe Sharp's good for moth
ing, sneaking cowardly nobody; ifhe ever