Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1858-04-23
Mrs. Rs ALARMS.

pres: or what not in our house at night, and
that 1t Is my bOunden duty to leave my bed at
any hour or temperature, and TO do battle
WIN the same, in every inadequate apparel
he circumstances which attend Mrs. b 3
Silarss are generally of the following kind |
am awakened by the mention Of my baptismal
name, In that peculiar species of whisper which
mas something uDcanny in its very nature be.
SIDES the dismal associations which belong to il,
from the fact of its being used only in melo-
dramas and sick rooms
Henry, Henry, Henry"
How many times she has repeated this. I
know not; the sound falls on nv ear like the
tapping of hundred waves, or as the Robin
Crusoe, Robin Crusoe," OF tho parrot smote
upon the ear Of the terrified islander of Dcfoe ;
nut at last wake, to view by the dim fire.
light, this vision: Mrs. i. is sitting up beside
mo, in a listenin attitude of the very intensest
KIND; her night-cap zone with cherry-colored
IlDDOns, such as II can be no harm TO sneak
about is tucked back behind either ear her
halr-In paper-is rolled out of the way upon
each side like banner furled; her eye, are
rather vide open, and her mouth yery much
so; her fingers would be held up to command
attention, but that she is supporting herself in
somewhat absurd manner upon her hands
"He"ry, did you hear that
What, my love l''
That noise, there it is again; there
there"
Tho disturbance referred to il that caused
ny mouse nibbling at the wainscot: and
venture to say so much in n tone of the deepest
Conviction.
No, no, Henry, it's not the least like that
Its file working at the bar of the pantry
window. L will stake my existence, Henry.
that is a file
Whenever my wife makes use of this partic
ular form OF words, know that opposition is
useless rise, and put on my dressing gown
Mrs b. refuses to let me have the candle, be-
cause she will die of terror if she is left alone
without light. She puts the poker into my
hand, and with gentle violence is about TO
expel me from the chamber, when a sudden
thought strikes her
Stop bit. Henry she exclaims, s.until I
have looked into the cupboard and places
which she proceeds to do most minutely, in
vestiGatlng even the short drawers of a foot
and half square. i am at length dismissed
upon my PorilOus errand, and Mrs b. locks
ana double locks the door behind me with
CELEBRITY that almost catches my retreatinp gar.
Inent. My eI, edition therefore combines all
the dangers OF sally, with the additional iis-
advantage OF having my retreat into my own
fortress cut on Thus cumbrOusly but ineffec-
tually eaparisoned, L perambulate the lower
stories OF the house in darkness in search of
that dlstuTber of Mrs. IL. s repoSe, which am
well convinced is behind the wainscot of her
own apartment, and nowhere else. The pan
try. need not say is ns silent as the grave
ana about as cold 1he great clock in the
Kitchen looks spectral enough by the light of
the expiring emhers, but there is nothing there
with life except black beetles, which crawl in
countless numbers over my naked ankles
There Is noise In the cellar such as Mrs. 3
would at once identify with the suppressed
converse OF anticipated burglars, but which l
recognise In moment as the dripping of the
small-b cask, whose tap is troubled with A
nervous dlsorganizatlOn of that kind. The
dinIng-roOm is chill and cherries; a ghostly
armchair Is doing the grim honors of the table
70 three other vacant seats, and dispensipg
hospitality In the shape of a mouldy orange
and sOme biscuits, which | remember to have
left in some disgust, about-Hark, the click
ing OF revolver No; the warning of the
great clOck-One, two, three. What a fright
iul noise 1t makes in the Of night Twelve
o'clock. L left this dining room. then but
three hours and half ago; it certainly does
not look like the same room now The draw.
lng-room is also far from wearing its usual
snug and comfortable appearance. Could we
POSslbly nave all been sitting in the relative
POSITIONS to one another which these chairs as
same Or since We were there, has some spirit
ual company with NO eye for order left among
them. taken advantage of the remains of our
fire to hold reunion They are here even
at this moment perhaps, and these gentlemen
have not yet come up from the dIniur-ronm
shudder from head to foot partly at the bare
idea OF such thing, partly from the naked
fact OF my exceedingly unclothed condition
They do say that in the very passage which I
have now to cross in order to get 10 Mrs. h
again, my grandfather walks in COM
pensatiOn suppJse. for having been prevent
ed by gOut from tIking that species Of exercise
while he was alive. There are more things in
heaven and earth than dreamt Of in YOUR
phIlOsnI by, think as 1 approach this spot
but DO not say So for | am wcll-nigh speech
less with the cold-yes, the cold il IS only my
teeth that chatter. What a scream that WAS
There II comes again, and there is no doubt
this time as 10 who Is the owner of that terri
he'd voice. Mrs. BIS alarms have evidently
taken some other direction - Henry Henry :
she cries in tones OF a very .tOlerabIe pitch A
lady being in the case, | fly upon the wings of
domestic love along the precincts sacred to the
PerambulatIOns OF my father. 1 arrive at nv
vile s chamber; the screams continue but the
door Is locked
Open, open" shout l. What on earth
Is the matter -
There is silence then mans yoic.-that
Is 10 say my wifes voice in imitation of a
man s-replies, In tones Of indignant ferocity
to convey the idea of u life-preserver being
under the pillow Of the speaker, and ready
to his hand Who are you what do you
want -
- You very silly woman [ answer: not
from ImpOliteneSS, but because find that sort
Of language RECEIVERS and assures her Of my
identity better than any other-.'Why it's =
lhe door u then opened about six OF seven
inches and l am admitted with all the precau-
ton which attends the entrance OF an ally into
besieged garrison.
Mrs b., now leaning upon my shoulder
dissolves into copiOus tears, and points to the
door communicating with my attiring- eli am
Der.
There sur sur-somebody been snoring
IN y"ur dressing -rOom, she sobs, all the time
you were away
This statement is little too much for nv
sense OF humor, and though .ympathising very
tenderIy with poor Mrs. u, | cannot help
bursting into little roar Of laughter Laugh
ter and tear are deadly enemies and can see
at once that Mrs Is. is all the better for this
explosion.
Consider, my love-" | reason-"consider
the extreme improbabiiity of a burglar or
other nefarious person making such IA use of
the few precious hours OF darkness AS 10 90 Ia
sleep in them Why, too, should he take IA
bedstead without IA nattreSs, which | believe