The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1858-05-02

APPEARS uRdih III ooSiSty puic ou0 uusutIlcO no
a young lamb just come from the washing.
Hereafter rheumatic or dyspeptic patients
need not pay away money to water cure estab-
lishments: let them steal some spoons forge
bank check or shoot some one, and they can be
sure of miraculous cure without any expense
whatever. Legally they may be immured in
State prison; really they will only be the in
mates of splendid palace, where they will
have the best of food, constant attendance-med-
ical and otherwise just sufficient exercise to
keep up the circulation Of the blood. They will
be constantly cheered with the sympathy and
they do emerge to the outer world they will
receive the honors Of copquerors. If they have
any political influence whatever they may elect
whether or not they will go to prison at all,
and if they 60 precisely how long they will
stay.
1t is a charming system; but, in all justice, it
should be open to the whole public. We are
quite opposed to paying for the restoration of
the health of thieves and murderers A little
infusion Of barbarian would neutralize this
mock sentiment for criminals, and do us all
great deal Of good.
THE LAST April Fool SToRY.-A noted lobby
member, who in consequence of the discovery
of his operations last session at Washington, was
expelled the House of Representatives, has re-
Gently gone to Kansas, where he is devoting his
leisure to the elaboration Of funny April FOOLS
stories The last of these refers to reputed
Mormon renegade, named Loba. This Loba
has, through the aid of our lobby member, fur
nished full account of his trials and suferiags
to a contemporary.
Loba was Mormon, and didn't like it. he
took one wife" young woman from Bedford
England" The "young woman suf6ced to
make his home happy, and he would have no
other, though no man could obtain high
station unless he had at least three" There
fore Brigham ordered his private execution"
Lest this unreasonable Governor should carry
out his threat, Loba with % the young woman
from Bedford, England" resolved to run for it.
He started on LIST April 1--WE should think SOY.
The snow was deep on the ground; the young
woman wore breaches; Loba carried seventy
two pounds Of crackers, some tea and sugar, q
double barrelled gun, some powder and shot and
keen edged sword.
They "journeyed over the tops of the noun
tains," apparently jumping from crag to crag.
The "nights were SO cold that it was impossi-
BILE to sleeps" so, we presume they kept jumping
all night. AT last "the young woman from Bed
ford, England" gave way; she could walk no
more; SO her husband shouldered her as well as
the double barrelled gum the biscuit, the tea
and the two edged sword. He not only marched
over the mountains, but he forded creeks and
had his clothes frozen to his back. All he bore
stoutly. Nothing could daunt him; nothing
could draw him back.
We have no doubt but he met giants, and
slew them; we shouldn't wonder if he had had
single combats with bears, buffaloes, panthers,
eagles, and unicorns. We feel certain that he
could, if he chose, give US thrilling account of
his nocturnal meeting with forty Mormons in
buckram who tried to tear away the young
woman from Bedford, but were slain in the
attempt by the two edged sword. If we have
a complaint, in fact it is that Mr.. Loba should
have concealed so many things which would
have been so interesting and could not well
have been less authentic than the facts he has
already given to the world. Surely he could
try again.