The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1858-12-23
NO. 1,
The Wrong Foot Foremost.

to be early this morning. I've more bus-
mess to-day than can attend to. You
thought you wouldn't disturb me, because
said in the night ths, had hea adachey
/ Well, don't know that headaches are
expected to prevent paper from maturing
nor banks from closing at three O'Clock.
There goes that buttonl Are nv buttons
neUer to be sewed on SO that they will last
through more than one washing! This
shirt Is. horribly ironed. Tell Bridget if
she doesn't do my bosoms better, you
must look out for another girl ANY
thing but such linen as this on a gentle.
man! do not want that black suit this
morning. Cannot you see that it's going
to rainl You don't think it will There
Deyer was woman yet with clear enough
reasoning faculties to be good judge of
the weather Give me my gray clothes,
aud be quick about it. John hasn't half
BACKED these boots. I'll ring him up
and make him do them over. What's
thatl If it's going to rain, you don't see
what difference it will make. do not
know that it is any reason why gentle
man should not have bis boots polished
because there is a possibility of it's rain
ing. Supposins it should clear off, how
do you think | would look then!
"Isn't breakfast on the table yet!--
Waiting for me twenty minutes, has it,
Humph! a palatable meal it will be,
am sure. What's that / smelll If YOU
do not wish to spoil every morsel of ap-
petite that have left, don't tell me that
it's hot buckwheat cakes.--a dish only fit
for we'll man, and my stom ach is horri-
bly, out Of order. No, you needn't order
any toast; I'll eat these, seeing they're
here, and of course I'll have the head
ache all day to pay for it. jamie, be
quiet, sir. you cant have any more but
ter-its not good for little boys. Here,
Kitty, take this little tiger from the table.
Ill have no screaming here. Mrs. Sweet,
if you stroye as you ought to, to make
his home pleasant to Jour husband, he
would not be disturbed in this manner,
at what ought to be one of the pleasant
est periods of the dey.
whats that my little dearl Bring
you the big wax doll promised you
No, not to-day. Little girls mustn't be
so extravagsnt. Yoor old doll is plenty
good enough, and papa doesn't fee! rich
this morning. Be thankful you've got
bread and butter, and do not think about
new dolls.
"What would | like for dinner! l do
not know that can so long beforehand.
If feel no more appetite than l do now,
| shall not want much. I've forced down
eleven of these cakes, Because there was
nothing more suitable upon the table. If
I've a return of my dyspePtic attack. l
shall know who to blame for it. | might
send round one of those little roasting
pigs we saw last evening, if l was sure it
would come to the table nell stuffed with
plenty of current-jslly aud maccaroni,
with cheese.
"You thought of going down town to-
day, but will put it of if l am not pre-
pared! A round about way of asking for
money. 1 suppose. There's my purse;
just take what there is-only, pray, leave
me sixpence to pay the omnibus I'm
just as well prepared DOW as | shall be
for month-and as for asking a woman
to wait month, when she's made up her
mind to go shopping. man had better
ask the earth to stand still. The mania
for shopping is the curse of domestic life
A woman must buy every pretty thing she
sees, whether she needs it or not. And
with all their extravaganza, | never yet
saw one of the sex who looked really
comfortable and genteel. Their skirts
are too long or too short; their sleeves are
too wide or too narrow; their bonuets
poke out like charcoal wagon, or hang
on their backs like lost flower basket;
they are as lank as fence rail, or as
puffy as balorn; their waists are squeez-
ed into their hips, or hunched under the
arm pits; they are bedizened, befrilled,
befurblowed, bspufed. until men are "a
shamed of them in the saloon, laugh at
them in the streets, and dread them in
the cars and stages; they try to see which
can be siiest, which can attract the
Mercy on US, Mrs. Sweet, do you see that
childl Fairly crawling on to the table,
and the cream-cup upset on the carpet
they cannot even give due attention to
their own off You thought | was in a
hurry this morning! Well, supposiDg |
am, am | to be driven off withmy break
fast half eaten! Don't be in such hur-
ry to get rid of Jour beloved-doB't! |
suppose it's unpleasant to hear too much
truth.
There's that bran new silk umbrella
gone, that | bought only the last storm.
and nothing to be found oft! And now,
Of course, it will rain-it always does
when person has no umbrella! Say.
wife, il Jones should call here to-day for
that subscription / promised him, tell
him I've made up my mind not to give
an ything. | don't believe in societies
they're bumbugs from beeinniug to end!
And do try and look a little more amia-
BILE upon my return. You look as if you
was going to say something sharp; and,
of Iii tbinOs preserve ma from fretful