Randolph County journal. [volume] (Winchester, Randolph County, Ind.) 1855-1862, 1858-08-12
From Life Illustrated-l
The Modern Young Lady.

and her trials, are being sounded forth
from the brazen lungs OF scores Of
Woman 5 Associations. Ameliorating
Conventions, and Debating Societies.
Now is it not right and fair that some
body should hand down to posterity
ar exact daguerreotype likeness Of the
fair creature for whom all the revolu-
tion is being wrought?
We are not going to portray the ideal
Woman of essayists and poets-nor
the angelic "W oman" to whom young
rhymers address horid efi'usions in ex-
ecrable blank verse-nor the real
Woman, whose pure and unwearing
devotion burns unheralded beside the
hearth of Home--simply the modern
young lady, whom you may meet in
nearly every dwelling in New York
ay, and throughout the whole United
States too, if you choose to seek for
her.
One might think. from the frequent
illusions to rosy checks" in our ma
tional literature, that we abound in
such natural advantages, but that isn't
the case. The complexion of the mod
ern young lady is dull dead white
like tallow, or discolored wax-her
eyes look as though they had been
boiled. and are about as devoid of ex-
preston as the optics of any wax doll
In shop window. Her hair, which
she generally wears in profusion of
bushy ringlets, is screwed up in bits Of
old newspaper all night and half the
next day. Her lips are pale, and her
teeth black and dccaying--the result of
eating too much candy, cloves, and
cardamom seeds, of which the modern
young lady carries a goodly supply in
her pockets. Her shape is "exquis-
ite"--so all her female friends say
by which we are to understand that
she is tall and slim, like an overgrown
celery stalk, and about as large around
the excruciatingly little waist as the
diameter of moderately sized bean
pole.
She is ''extravagantly fond Of read
ing;;" knows all Byron and Tom Moore
by heart, and perusas all the yellow.
covered literature as fast as it issues
from the press. Indeed, she some
times writes poetry herself, of which
we can devise no better comparison
than quantity of thrice diluted milk.
She considers Shakespeare "a bore.
and rational reading "makes her head
achep'
Her health is extremely delicate;
strange to say, she is almost martyr
lied with those horrid headaches in
the morning whenever she has danced
and slipped water ices until midnight
the evening before. She is afflicted
with strange feelings" and unaccoun-
table flutterings of the heart. and any
little excitement throws her into strong
Mysteries. OF course the modern
young lady don't believe in daily ex-
ercise--it would kill her TO walk hall
a block, unless there is prospect Of
meeting Theodore Exquisite on Broad
way, and then she'll so half veg
down to the Battery without a mar-
murl
She thinks j, vulgar to know any
thing about household duties; never
was in the kitchen but once. and then
saw spider and nearly tainted away
She don't know whether soup is made
in frying pan or tea-kettle; cans
make bread; don't know the use Of 8
dish-pan, and couldn't roast a turkey
if her life depended on it. 1t is sc
refined to be ignorant on these sub
Ijects
She never sews--this part Of th'
household economy, together with tbs
kitchen responsibilities rests upon th'
much enduring shoulders of her tired
looking mother, who never complains
however, for 'Arabella is so genteel!
Ii button comes off the paternal gar
ments. Papa never thinks of asking
| Arabella to sew it on. II Peters toe
make breach in the stocking depart
ment, he never dreams of requiring
his sisters aid; and if you ask wher
the mother is, you are told she is re
pairing Arabella's clothes
She dotes on musie-spends tire
or four hours every day in strumminl
on the piano. and warbling sentimen
tai ballads; she draws divinely, an,
there are several monstrosities in cray
on and watcr-colors. hanging up fram
ed and glazed on the parlor walls i
everlasting evidence of her genius.
She makes wax-flowers and doe
/ crotchet work. She was FINISHED
at Madam IS fashionable semina
ry, where she learned to talk ungram
matical French and to dance sweet
ly." There's no denying that she Ia