Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-03-03
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

He who follows in the footsteps of
another will always remain behind.
Most men employ their first wears.
so as to make their last years miserable.
Brave actions are the substance of
life, and good sayings the ornament of
| it. s.. ... .,..t--,~ - -..+r..- .rs..s-
The trials of life are the tests
| which ascertain how much good there
is in us.
-''You are little bear, madam
''Sir - s'About the shoulders, l mean,
madam"
Why is cowardly soldier like
butter? Because he is sure to run when
exposed to fire.
Always doubt the sincerity of a
girls love when You see her wipe her
mouth after you kiss her. -.. ..,..
A secret has been admirably de-
fined, as anything made known to eve
rybody in whisper "
-Sophistry is like window curtain
1t pleases as an ornament; but its
use Is to keep out the light. '@n. --s
In order to live justly, and be re-
spected, we must refrain from doing
that which we blame in others. e5ras~ g
A young man without money.
among the ladies, is like the moon on a
cloudy night-he can't shine. -l... ,I
why is a lady bathing in the sea
like one IN very unpleasant predica-
ment: Because she is in a great pickle.
If you observe gentleman with
his arm around the waist of q younr
lady, it is morally certain that they are
not married. = - s.r
Why should the memory of Gener-
al jackson be comnemorated by the
ladies'? Because he was the first man
that made a cotton breast-mork. # +.
The Albany Dutchman says there
is a man in Troy with nose SO long
that he has holes bored in it, and uses
1t occasionally for clarionet. ...
Punch says that the reason why
editors are apt to have their manners
spoll', is because they receive from one
correspondent and another, such evil
communications. ..rs.-..r - t..z
-"You need a little sun and air"
said physician to a maiden patient.
"lf do,' she replied, 81 will wait till
l get married" Bolus looked thought
tul, and thought that was best
A young gentleman who had Just
married a little beauty, says, "she would
have been taller, but she is made of
such precious materials that Nature
couldn't afford it, -r. g. ---s ..L,.-.-.r
In an interesting article about the
Inauguration of the new hospital build
ing in New York, the writer states
that an extensive view is presented
from ''the fourth story of the Hudson
River" a # -@.
Why is an editor like the book
of revelation?
Because he is full of ''types and shad-
ows, and mighty voice, like the sound
OF many waters, is ever saying to him,
S'Write.''
A gentleman asked a lady, the
other day, why SO many tall gentlemen
were bachelors. The reply was, that
they were obliged to lie cornerw isc in
bed to keep their feet in, and that a
wife would be in the way. s.-...... ......
ALMOST A GALLON OF PUNs.-A
chap was asked what kind of a ssxt.''
he preferred for wife. He replied.
"One that is not a prodi-gal, but Il
frugal and t,ee- gal and one that suited
his co,yu-gal TASTE" He's right.
% thought you were born on the
lst Of April,'' said Benedict to his
lovely wife, who had mentioned the
2lst as her birthday. i. .. ..
'Most persons would think so from
the choice [ made of a husband,' she
replied. s.~ra
allow do your friends feel now %
said an exultant politician in one of our
Western States, to rather irritable
member of the defeated party. 81 SUPP
pose," said the latter, ''we feel Just as
Lazarus did when he was licked by
Iic uoSS!
What is coquette A hcartless
tiirt; a thing with more beauty than
sense, more accomplishments than
learning, more charms of person thar
mental graces, more admirers than
friends, more fools than wise men for
attendants -
What is dandy? A thing III
pantaloons with a body and two arms:
a head without brains and cigar stuck
i'll a hole before; tight boots cane;
a scented, white handkerchief; a stand
ing collar; two breaches, and snowy
ring on his little finger
"A dying man upon the gallows
lately affirmed that the first step i'll ca
reer of crime was that of not paying
for his newspaper.-Esc]tange.
If it was a locofoco newspaper, the
fellows first step i'll crime was taking
it and the second not pairing for it
Louiscile Journal