Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1858-11-15
INTELIIGENCER
Hastings Of Pnnch.

Commenting on the playing of pianos and the
drawing of tceth by electricity, Punch SAYS
"The question is, what will not electricity do
mex! We do not despair of the good time com
ing (and 1t has been q long time on the road)
when We shall be able to sit quietly in our arm.
chair and electricity will do everything for u.s.
1t Will cook our dinner, sew on our buttons
write our letters, make our clothes. whip our
children, black our boots, shave our stubbly
chIns, and even help us to pinch of snuff IF
only wish it. We almost believe it will in
time so far reach mortal perfectonas to carry us
up to bee, undresS us, tuck us up, and blow out
the candle, when VIC are too tired or indifFerent
to do 1T ourselves. But there is one thing, we
are afraid, that it never will do and that is, hclp
us to pay our income tax.
Alas! there is a limit even to electricityl
Note on Nr0aZ Nomenclature-A tBritish
Households" in the Times remarks that
"On the southeast coast of Americasthe Cum.
6ersana 40, drags her slow length along"
;, lhe Admiralty should change the name of
that vessel, md call her Cum6er8ed.
a RaiI1Oay 4cciaent-A dividend now-a-
days
lSuperlatice Butter.--The fate of.that uniycr-
sally famous saint of the Romish Church, ST.
Napoleon, the patron. saint of the first Emperor
ofthat name, was celebrated, at st. Helena, this
year by various demonstrations and dinner.
after which, according TO the Paris correspond.
ent of the rimes,-
M dc Rougemont having proposedt the health
OF the Chief Justice, as the second authority in
the Island, Sir. IL. Wilde rose, and with his ewes
liked on the portrait of the Empress Of the
French, said
Gentlemen, propose the health of the most
vlrtuous the most beautiful, and most amiable,
the most religious, and the most charming lady
who exists on the earth.-Her Majesty the En-
press of the French"
A very proper speech forsthe Emperor of the 5
French toaddress to his assembled donestics.-
A very suitable speech for domestic OF his I'm
Perlal Mgjesty's, being single man, and not
having any sweetheart, or any sister or mother.
living, to make in the company ofhis single,
unattached, sisterless and motherless fellow men
servants. But was it n speech quite fit to.be
made by gentleman who had Queen. if not o
wife, of his own!
of course. Sir Fl. Wilde did not mean precise
ly what he said. he was merely using French
English superlatives. He intended no offence
to the Queen. butjust took a slight liberty with
the Queens English.
Ld1tdablc Inteittion.-Among the announce
ments in our friend and cotemporary, Bells Life.
last week, we noticed this
1.-Two brothers who have never gained 81,
are ready to walk"
1t would certainly seem that the sooner the
lazy, useless lads walk, the better. Australia is
opento them, sosisa Canada, where they may
learn-to Improve their thriflless lives But we
don't see why Bells Life, should devote its val
liable space TO sach news
q Sgcet 0gsra.-The Rose Of Castillo is, as
at present performed. the sweetest opera vet
known; form it, besides the Rose itself, we have
two Pynes, one Mellon, aud a'little; Honey.
a Bark anaG Cutter.-A young fellow nam.
ed Charles Collett, was brought up the other
day before the Lord Mayor, charged with cut.
ting his, Charles's initials on the bark of oneof
the trees in Kensington Gardens He p.eaded
that he had got situation abroad and was go-
ing to emigrate. He was advised to transmit
his name in some other way. to posterity, slight
ly fined and discharged. Mr.. Punch ever ready
to help the unucky, thus does the transmission
| for hm:-
"Coett, take this advice from. me,
Never hack timber in the park;
For.though your bark is on the sea,
You're must not be on the bark"
a F5ggy RsI7ection.-How does it happen
that when a bill becomes due the acccptor is of
ten missed?
All a Natterof 1aste.-A woman will toler-
ate tobacco smoke ina man she hkes-and even
say she likes it; md yet, curiously enough, how
she dlsllkeS 1t in man she dislikeS
-lS Sd9stS------
a LITERARY OMNIBUs DRIyER-The New
York correspondent of the Charleston Courier
relates the following biography of an omnibus
driver, whose acquaintance he made during
night ride on one of the lines in New York;:
Talking as two people will naturally dowben
ljouTneylng together, it was impossible not to
notice that the driver Of the car had seen better
days, and hadpursued very different ayocations.
The comet was blazing away in the western sky.
This furnished topic Of conversation. Instead
oftrying TO illuminate the driver on the causes,
conditions, and theories ofthcse curious celestial
visitors, now learned that he knew more about
them than did he went beyond this topic,
and began to discourse on meteorology, astrono-
my generally, mathematics, &c. His wonderful
learning, the extent and thoroughness ofhis
reading, almost bewildered me. But my sur
prise could not be imagined when, inilIustration
of some thought, this driver of an avenue car
quoted n line from Virgil Horace, too, after
wards furnished one or two sentcntious savings
tothis educated driver
! TWAS a natural desire, but very delicate
matter, to learn the history of such person
Slowly and timidly the facts came out. He had
beeni in better circumstances Though never a
student at any college, he had used every ad-
vantage that offered and grasped at the fruits of
knowledge wherever they hung in the garden of
his experience. Atfirst, in mercantile business,
he was swindled by partner, and left almost
without a penny. He made another effort, and
1 went on SWimninrlV for n while In this rsh0nrs