davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
Incongrnnus.

The Knicker6ocker Magazine tells of a
Scotchman who rushed into a Glasgow
druggist shop, with the exclamation
Have you any spirits, or alchoo p
All the shops are closed, and Gamma get a
quaigh O. Glenivat or Islay I'm sair
thirsty. Canua ye gle me q drap o.
somethin' warmin'?"
By mistake the druggist gave him aqua
forts, which he swallowed and left. Six
months elapsed, during which the drugg-
lst mourned his customer as dead, when
one sunday morning, ia he walked again.
Have you got" said he to the aston.
ished apothecary, Have you got any
more of that liquor you sold me the last
time | was here ? If you have give me
a horn. | never tasted anything like it.
1t went to the spoil Why it lasted me a
Fortnight. No reduction about that
fluid p'
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
-Four Men Killed bv Grizzlies.

george Falyer, a young miner who
arrived here yesterday from Marinosa
related to us last night, saws the Sscra'
mento Age Of January Both, the narticn.
lars OF an occurrence which caused us to
udaer. George and four others-JOhn
wilkinson, a cooper. formerly of DAYTON
OHIO Henry Elke, from New York and
two others, called John the Sailor and
john, left Sonora about two weeks since
to prospect for gold in southern part of
Marisposa County. Towards NIGHT Of
the seventh day, they stopped to encamp,
and while making preparations. to build
a ire neal a tree, four grizzlieslattacked
them instantly killing three Of the party
by crushing their heads. The fourth ran
to a tree but was caught and also crushed.
Falver was gathering brush a little dis
lance from his companions, and one Of the
animals rushed upon him he seized 9
pick and struck the bear, the blow was
returned and he fell on his face. The
bear then left him, and he sprang up and
began climbing the tree ; again he was
attacked but his feet were only within the
bears reach. and they were both badly
bitten. He gained the tree branches
and saw the animals tear his dead com,
rades to pieces. After deYouring the
provisions on the ground by their victims
the animals went off. Bruised and bleed
ing, the young man remained in the tree
top TWO days and two nights, nearly per-
ishing with thirst. At last he descended
and finding some scraps of food. hand
key containing a little water, and a
piece Of blanket, he started in what he
supposed anortherly direction. He tray
eled on for three days without water
When the last ray Of hope was about de-
sorting him he saw a cabin to which he
crawled, and where he was taken care of
until he was able to walk, wher he went
on to Quartzburg, thence to Chinese
Camp, and thence by stage to Sacrament
to
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
The Snickerers.

There are many people who consider
themselves well bred, and who GO much
in society, who nevertheless violate the
simple rules of politeness, by the very
silly and degraded habit Of snickering.
The word, if homely, is expressive. We
are accustomed to connect a smile with
things pleasant and graceful ; and a
laugh seems called forth by something
genuinely amusing. But when one unfor-
tunately makes a trifing error in CONVEX
s%ation, or if some portion of the dress is
a little ~disarranged, then these highly
civilized young ladies or gentlemen look
at each other and smoker.
is it possible" we have asked our
selves, that Miss A. or Miss F. can have
been decently connected or respectfully
brought up? Like mother, like child
what can have been the home influence
exerted upon them?"
Whenever we see this tendency to vul-
garity, We correct it as far as we can
Keep a steady eye upon the snickerer,
look disapproyal, and the effect will be
instantaneous, though the lips may be 81
lent.
One night being present at a large par
ty, We noticed a lady, who on entering
attracted the attention of several young
would-be ladies, who began to cast. ex.
pressiye looks, and then to snicker.-
Some glanced down and puckered their
mouths as though it required the greatest
effort to keep them from laughter. 9th.
ers cast sly glances at the object Of their
merriment, and in the pantomine express.
ed their rudeness. We had previously
noticed one sweet girl, arrayed simply
and beautifully, who as she saw the i'm.
polite manners eff her friends, looked over
to the lady, and then casting a severe
glance upon them, she arose and came to.
wards the object of their fun.
Pardon me, madam" said she polite.
ly, here is a bit Of straw hanging to
your cap-I will remove it,
The lady, a pleasing, middle aged Wo.
man, who could not but have seen the
motions of the thodghtless group, blushed
deeply as she returned a thank yon,n
adding" fear l have looked somewhat
ridiculous"
mot at all madam" replied the grace
full girl, none but those who are def.
Gent in politeness would consider an ac-
cident ridiculous"
"The 9 persons" as the English ex-
pressively say of those who do not know
how to behave, look at each other with
rosy faces at this merited rebuke, asham.
ed and self-oondemned. It served them
right and we wished that every snickerer
might be treated in the same way. Il
would soon thin out the ranks Of the self.
eonceited and presuming-perhaps make
ladies and gentlemen of them ultimately.
--Oaue Branch.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17

TRUE PoLITENEss.-As to politeness,
many have attempted to defneit. I be.
lievo it is best to be known BY descrip-
tion-defnition not being able to com
prise it. I would, howev er, venture to
call it "~benevolence in triAes,n or the
preference of others to ourselves in little
daily, hourly occurrences in the com
merce Of fife. 1t is a perpetual attention
to the wants of those with whom we are,
by which attention WI either prevent or
remove them. Bowling, ceremonious, for
NAL compliments, stiff ciyilities, will never
be politeness-that must be easy, natural,
unstudied, manly, noble and what will
give this but a mind benevolent and per-
petually attentive to exert that amiable
disposition in trises to all you converse
and live with.--Lord Chatham.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
A Story About Lying.

Dawson College, North Carolina con.
tributes a good story Of a mar with a very
bad habit. AS it is all about living. the
reader may believe it or not as he likes !.
In the old North State lives a certain
John Long, who draws a long bow when.
ever he has anything to tell. and his
character TOR truth and ~veracity has been
below zero for many years. CAPTAIN
Johnson had been so taken in BY one Of
Johns outrageous stories, that he said to
him, in a pet:
Ii yeu make me believe one of our
hes again in a month, I'll give you fifty
dollars!"
John pretended to be hurt by the offer,
and went off. A few days after he was
riding by the captains, post-haste. on
horseback, when the captain called out
to him "a
~ say hello, JOHNNY ! stop and tell US
q lie or two this morning
John rode on but cried out dolefully !:
No time for lying now !; brother Jimmy
has just been killed in the machine. and
I'm going for the old folks" On he
went.
Captain Johson ordered his horse, and
rode over to see the dead man and offer
his services, but found him alive and we'll
ginning cotton, and in no danger of the
machine. Just then John rode up
and demanded the fifty dollars. The
captain declared it was a rascally trick,
but he would have had to pay the money
if John had not let him off.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
American Generals.

Washington was a surveyor, and in
after life a farmer. Expressive silence
muse his praise"
Knox was a bookbinder and stationer.
Morgan Che of the Cowpens) was q
dreyer. Tarleton got from him a sound
ON that subject
Green was a blacksmith, and withal q
Quaker, albeit through all his Southern
campaigns, and particularly at the Eutaw
Springs, he put off the outward man.
Arnold 4 ask pardon for naming him
in such company was a grocer and pro
vision storekeepcr in New Haven, where
his sign is still to be seen ; the same thai
decorated his shop before the Revolution
Gates who opened Burgoyne's eyes to
the fact that he could not march through
the United States with FIVE thousand
men," was a regular built soldier buI
after the Revolution a farmer.
Warren the myrtre of Bunker Hill
was a physician, and hesitated not to ex
hibit to his countrymen, a splendid exam
pie Of the manner in which American
physicians should practice when called
upon by their country.
Sumper the fghting-cock" of SoutE
Carolina, was a shepherds boy.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17

0J The Louisville Journal, has the
following on the monument to the mother
Of Washington:
We had the pleasure, if it was one, of
seeing this monument two or three months
ago. Its appearance was most scandalous.
We could scarcely lay the ball of a finger
upon any part of it not disigured by a
bullet and shot marks. We suppose that
every boy in that region, who can shoot
a gun, has taken a pop at it every oppor,
tunity.
The monument appears to be about
half finished, and has remained in its
present condition for several years. The
explanation of it's being left in such a
condition is this:
A New York widower, wealthy, and
very vain Of his wealth, was counting a
with the Washington family. A monu
ment to the mother Of Washington was
at that time talked of, and the amorous
widower to make a display of his riches
and win the favor of the lady love, claim
ed the privilege Of building it with his
resources. By the expenditure of several
thousand dollars, he raised it rapidly to
its present height, but he did not rise in
Miss C.'s favor SO briskly as his stone
structure rose into the air. In fact, she
absolutely discharged him, and then, as
was to be expected, he Indignantly refus-
ed to pay for the laying Of another. stone.
Of course the structure, as NO one else
saw fit to take hold of it, has ever since
remained at just the height ithad reached
when the widower was Tilted.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
A smart Peonle.

Not a long time ago. when a CORES
pendent of the Knickerbocker, an attorney
with considerable " SWELL" but not much
brains, Came to c., in Ohio to locate.
One day when the p~ost-ofice was full,
waiting the distribution of the mail, a
half witted fellow stepped up to him in
the crowd and said
Mr.. 81 Pm told you have come
here to practice law"
"Yes | have"
Well, you will find it frst.rate Ioca
Ftion | hadn't lived here four months be-
fore | was sued ten times"
Well, it seems to me l could live here
for years without being used at all"
81 presume you could" said our half
witted friend people here are pretty
darned smart; they don't sue a fellow
without he's good for the costs /"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
An Unreasonable Proposal,

An Irish servant who was in the en-
ployment of an English gentleman resid-
ing in Ireland, was on one occasion about
going to a fair held annually at a neigh
boring village, when his master endeav.
ored to dissuade him from going. "You
always m home with a broken head
said he, 8 nov stay at home, Darby and
III give you five shillings." II am
forever aad all obliged to your honor"
replied DARBY, ".but does it stand to
reason" added he, aourishing his shille
lagh over his head, : does it stand to
reason that I'd take five shillings for the
CRATE batting I'm to get to-day q
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
A Lady's Opinion of a Ladys Man

Mrs. Stephens in her excellent monthly
magazine, thus pitches in" against a
class of men which is becoming far too
numerous /:
"Our own private opinion of the lady's
man is, that he is thoroughly contemplate
Ia sort of specimen Of the life hardly
worth thinking about-a nut shell with
the kernel withered up-a handful of
foam drifting over the wine Of life, some.
thing not altogether unpleasant to the
fancy. hnt of no earthly use. Awe~~n
Of sense would as soon put to sea
in a man.of-war made Of shingles, or take
up her residence in a card-house, as
dream of attaching herself to a lady-kill-
er.
Women worth the name are seldom
deceived into thinking our lady's man
the choicest specimen of his sex. What
ever their ignorance may be, womanly
intuition must tell them that the men
who live for great objects, and whose
spirits are so firmly knit that they are
able to encounter the storms of life
men whose depth and warmth of feeling
resemble the powerful current of a
mighty river, and not the bubbles on its
surface, who, if they love, are never
snitten by mere beauty of form or fea-
tures-that these men are far more wor-
thy of occupying their thoughts in idle
moments than the tops and men about
town with whose attentions they amuse
themselves. If we we're to tell him this,
he would only laugh he has no pride
about him, although full of vanity and
it matters not to him what we may
broadly affirm or quietly insinuate.
Soft and delicate though hekbe, he is
as impervious to ridicule as a hod-car-
rier, and as regardless of honest con-
tempt as a city alderman. Were you to
hand him this article, he would takeit to
some social party and read it aloud in
the most mellifuous voice, as a homage
to his own attractions"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
Carolina.

Travelling on the cars from to
NJ, not long since, in the night, we
happened by good fortune to get into the
same box with a regular blue devil ex-
te%rminator, by whom, let it be supposed,
our drowsy optics were kept expanded.
This individual answered to the name of
OF Bat and his description of Norf
kerlina," her manner ard customs, gave
the listener anything but a favorable i'm
preston OF the tar and turpentine state.
Why, gentlemen, a dog with a long tan
in North Carolina would be as great a
show as a niger with three heads"
Why so ?"asked several.
"They cut 'em off to prevent them,
knocking off the huckleberries when
they are chasing foxes and rabbits that
RIM through the woods"
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
fauiIg Circle.
A Story of Female Heroism.

In the course oil o recent speech IN
Congress. by the Hon. Joseph Lane. of
Oregon. he related the following incident.
which occurred III the Indian war ofOre
gon e.
While in Oregon last summer, | took
occasion to inquire Of the chief, who was
maialy instrumental in getting up this
war, to learn the particulars of the fate
of some of our people who disappeared in
the war of 1855, and of whom we had
been able to leara nothing.
When | suggested to the agent, in the
council. and | proposed to inquire into
the fate Of Mrs. Wagner, Mrs. Haynes
and others, he was inclined to think il
would raise the bitter feelings Of the In
! dians, but said that he would make tbs
inquiry. / told him that | had passed
through the country where these people
had lived, and that their friends were
very anxious to learn their fate. We in
CURED in relation to Mrs. Wagner
whe was a well educated and handsome
woman in New York, who had long liyeo
in the country and spoke the lndiar
tongue huently.
She kept a public house by the road
side, and the good cheer which SHE
always. furnished made it q place where
travellers delighted to stop. The Indiani
informed s,that on October the 9th they
came in sight of the house, where they
met some teamsters and packers a per
ton Of whom they murdered, destroying
the wagons and oargoes, as well as the
animals, while she was standing IN the
door.
As soon as they had murdered the peo-
| pie outside, they came towards the house,
which was strongly built of hewn logs,
and had a heavy door, which fastened
| with cross bars. When she saw them
running towards the house, she shnt
the door, and dropped the bars to pre-
vent their coming in. They came to
the door. and ordered her to come ont,
and bring her little girl. She said mo-
Her husband was absent-and, by the
way, he was the only man on the road
who escaped. They said that if she did
not come out they would shoot her. She
declined and after some elaboration,
they determined to set the house on fire.
The house was directly enveloped in
flames; and the chief, who watched her
through the little window told us that he
saw her go to the glass and arrange
her hair, then take a seat in the middle
of the room, fold her little girl in
her arms, and wait calmly until the roof
fell in and they persisted in the flames to-
gethsr. And the statement was confirmed
by the people who found their remaius
lying together in the middle of the house.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
God save the Plough.
BY LYDIA H. sIGoUANEY.

BY LYDIA H. slGoUANEY.
See how the glittering share
Make earth's bosom fair,
Growing tho brow,
Spread in its furrow springs,
Health and repose it brings,
Treasures the mock at kings
God save the plough.
Look to the warriors blade,
While DER the crimson'd glade,
Hate breathes its VOW
Wrath 1t unsheathing wakes,
Love as its flashing quakes,
Weeping and woe it makes
God save the plough
Ships DER the ocean ride,
Storms wreck their hammered pride,
Waves whelm their PROV
While the untroubled vain
Garneth the golden grain
Gladdening the reaper train!
God save the plough
Who are the truly create
Minions of pomp and state,
Where the crowd bow?
aire NO h@-1 hands and frea-
Cultures of field and tree
True sons of liberty
God save the plough.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
Professional.

A CARD.-The subscriber Informs
her friends, and the public generally,
that she continues to invite and circulate
lies eff every description on the most
reasonable terms at the shortest notice.
Persons requiring her services are refer
red to any Of the most respectable fam
lilies in which she resides.
N. B.-Characters ruined, or partially
injured, by the family or piece. Village,
house, OF tea-table lies told upon any
subject, and at a moments notice. Hints
and insinuations by the gross, dozen, or
single, with a liberal allowance to whole
sale dealers. KITTY CLACKER.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
0ut Strap 8opk
sketches by Park benjamin.
INCIDENCE.

There is no type OF Incidence like this:
A ship in harbor-not a signel flying.
The water moveless By her huge hulk lying,
No breeze her dropping pennant-lag to kiss
Or stir the smallest rope that hangs aloft;
Sailors redundant, l~istless, stretched around,
On the white deck or winter canvass, soft
To the tough limbs Of him who has not found
A bed more easy since his mothers knee
The stripping left to brave the stormy sea.
Some are asleep, some whistle, others sing,
Some yawn and wonder when the ship will sail
Some damn the calm and wish it were a gale
But every lubber there is lazy as a king
SPORT.
To see a fellow of a summer morning,
And alarge fox-hound of slumberous eye,
AM a slim gun, so slowly lounging by,
About to give the feathered hipeds warning
That probably, they may be shot hereafter,
Excites in me a quiet sort of laughter
For though, I am no lover of the sport
OF HARMLESS murder" yet is to me @
Almost the funniest thing on earth
A corpulent person, breathing with a s - ss
Go on a shooting frolic quite alone;
For well | know that. when he's out of town.
He and his dog and gun will all lie down,
And undestructive, sleep till game and night hav.
fewn.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
neA- A new process of extracting teet

n A new process of extracting teeth
was recently tried in Baltimore. A mum
Der Of teeth were extracted, and the pa
tients declare they receive no pain, but
experience a numbing sensation about
the tooth. This soothing is produced by
passing a current of electricity through
the tooth at the time Of extracting. The
patient graspS firmly in his hand one pole
from an electro magnetic machine, the
other pole is attached to the forceps, and
by this means a current of electricity is
passed through the tooth, and produces a
local ~anesthesia, and SO avoids the use OF
chloroform or ether.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17

neL At a negro celebration lately, nm
Irishman stood listening to the colored
speaker expatiating upon government and
freedom, and as the orator came to q
+ period" from m Of the highest, most
poetical flights, the Irishman said:
aBedad, he speaks well for a nagur,
didn't he now?"
Somebody said, @he isn't a negre-Ae
is only half negro"
"Only a half nagur is iti' Well if
a half nagur a talk in that style, I'm
thinking a whole nagur might bate the
prophet Jeremiah.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
the MiIIiner,s bin.


The wax lights illumined a Fifth Avenue hall,
And the crinoline whirled in the may hall,
And the persons of fashion were blithe and gay,
Dancing the hours of rest away.
The husband beheld with a booby's pride,
The beautiful dress of his stylish bride;
While she in her fine clothes, seemed to be
The Queen of that splendid company.
Oh, the Milliner's Bill
"I'm weary of satin" soon she cried,
"ITl have a blue velvet, more full and wide,
And none ofmy bonnets suit my face
/ shall order another Of sweet point lace,
With emerald flowers; and then, dear man,
You'll let me indulge in a t~arlstan /"
And old Bubbles cried, as his wife he eyed,
. The dearest of women is my dear BRIDE"
Oh, the Milliner's Bill.
French cambric that morning. green silk the mex
day,
And a white MORE antique ere the week passe'
away,
The richest and newest of stuffs to be got,
The blockhead's wife bought, and he grudged then
not.
Two years flew by, and the bills at last,
Had arrived at a figure extremely vast,
And when Bubbles beheld the sum, he cried,
"Im an old fool, done by a spendthrift bride"
Oh, the Milliner's Bill!
At length broke a bank, that had long kept hid
The lodges by which it the public did;
And a documen long was discovered there,
mr. AE;T:a..,. Dill &c 4boA Io5r 7o;.
OH very much cash, twas then confessed,
Had been let to her lord from the banking chest,
And when the crash came, vain humbug's doom,
The brides display proved his fortunes tomb.
Oh, the Milliner's bill!
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17

COOKING OLD PoTAToEs.-.The following
methed of cooking old potatoes at this
season Of the year, is recommended by
Mrs. Fl. N. w, Of Freeport, Illinois. Il
is excellent, and nov ia the time to try it;
II pare The potatoes about an hour be
fore boiling, and then soak them in cold
water until they are to be cooked. The
water must be boiling before they are put
in, and a little salt is added. When fully
cooked the water is poured of, then the
kettle or pot is placed on the stove, with
the lid removed, to allow the moisture to
eyaporate. By this method. Of cooking
potatoes, / have never failed to render
them dry and mealy.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17
Elsie Gray--A Song.
BY DAVID TAYLOR.

BY DAVID TAYLOR.
The summer sun hath nearly set,
The dew lies on the violet;
fear my darling's feet are wet,
Ny darling Elsie Gray.
For though her steps are soft and feet,
The little flowers whose blossoms are sweet
Bend aside to kiss her feet,
Ny darling Elsie Gray.
The thrush's notes, SO full and clear,
The blue birds song, SO sweet to hear.
Grows sweetsr still as she draws near,
My darling Elsie Gray.
She comes, the airs of eve pursue her,
The signing oaks are whispering to her,
Their dropping arms would trembling WOO h,
Ny darling Elsie Gray.
My breast is frantic with alarms;
Help, hope! my Heaven is in her armsl
| must win her peerless charms,
Or die for Elsie Gray.
Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-06-17

eag A late California paper contains
the following adyertisement;-"I The Rev.
DR.. Gaines will preach in the Taberna-
Gle, corner Of Bush and Pine streets, to-
morrow evening at eight o'clock, a SER
mon appropriate to the recent election
Subiect-"Zaccheus up q tree his mode
Of climbing This will be instructive to
little men seeking high position. The
defeated candidates for legal offices and
legislative honors are particularly and
cordially invited to attend"