The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1858-08-25
SPLINTERS AND FAG-ENDS,
GATHERED FROM THE PIcKrSos OF EVERY DAY LIFE
A Sermon for the Tim %.
BY A HARD SHELL BAPTIsT.

you've no doubt heern afore, and L now
appear here to expound the Scriptures
and pint out the narrer way which leads
from a vain world to Juroosalem, and my
text which l shall choose is in the leds OF
the Bible, somewhere betSee the Seco
Chronikis and the last chapcr of Timothy
Titus, and when you find it, you will find
it in these words - And they shall
gnaw a file and fee unto the mountains OF
Hepsidam, where the lion roareth and the
wang-doodle mourneth for it frst-born."
Now, my brethering, as have before
told you, am an unedcated man, and
know nothing about grammer talk and
coolidge hifalootin But I'm plain, I'M
larnt preacher of the Gospil what's been
foreordained, and called to expound Scrip
ter to dyin' world, and prepar per-
verse generation for the day Of wrath;
for " they shall gnaw a file and fee unto
the mountains of Iepsidam, where the
lion roareth and the wang-doodle mourn
eth for its frst-born." My beloved breth-
ering, the text says they shall "gnaw a
6le." 1t don't say they may-thcy shall
And now there's morn one kind o. file.
There's the hand-saw file, rat-tail file,
double file, and profile but the kind Of
file spoken of here isn't one of them Meth
er, for it is 6gger of speech, my breth-
ering, and means goin' it alone and get
ting ukered for they shall gnaw file
and fec unto the mountain of Hepsi dam
where the lion roareth and the wane.doo-
die mourneth for its frst-born." And now
there be some here with fine close on their
backs, brass rings on thar fingers, and lard
on thar heads, what goes it while they're
young; and thar be others here what, as
long as thar constitutions and forty cent
whiskey last, goes it blind and thar be
sisters here what, when they get sixteen
years old, cut their tiller-ropes and goes
it with rush but l say, my dear breth-
ering, take care you don't find, when GA
briel blows his trump, that you've all
went it alone and got ukered for they
shall gnaw file and fee unto the noun
tains of Hepsidam, where the lion roareth
= and the wang-doodle mourneth for its
frst-born." And, my brethering, there's
more dams besides Hepsidam. There's
Rotterdam, y amsterdam, Haddam, mill
dam, and don t-care-a- dam-the last Of
which, my dear brethering is the worst OF
oil. and reminds me of circumstance /
ence knew in the State Of Illenoy. Thar
was man what built mill OH the east
fork of Agur creek. and it ground sight
Of grain, but the man that built it was a
miserable sinner, and never give anything
to the church; and, my brethering, one
night there came mighty storm of wind
anu ram, ana the IOun aims OF the great
deep was broken up. and the waters
rushed down and swept that mans mill.
dam into Kingdom Come, and 10 and
behold, in the morning, when he got up,
he found he was not worth dam. Now,
my dear brethering when the storms of
temptations overtake ye, take care you
don't fall from grace. and become like that
mans mill not worth dam for " they
shall gnaw file and fee unto tho noun
tains of Hepsidam, where the lion roar
eth and the wang-doodle mourneth for its
first-born." Whar the lion roareth and
the wang-doodle mourneth for its first.
born" This part of the text, my breth-
ering, is another fgger of speech and isn't
to be taken as it says. 1t doesn't mean
the howlin' wilderness, where John the
hard shell Baptist was fed on locusts and
wild asses, but it means, my brethering,
the city of New Orleans-whar corn is
worth six bits bushel one day and nary
red the next; whar niggers are thick as
black bugs in spoiled bacon ham, and
gamblers, thieves and pickpockots go skit-
ting about the streets like weasels in a
barn-yard-whar they have cream col.
ored horses, gilded carriages, marble sa.
looms with brandy and sugar in 'em-whal
honest men are scarcer than hens teeth
and strange woman once took in your
beloved preacher and bamboozled him ou
of two hundred and twenty-scven dollar,
in the twinkling of a sleeps tail, bu, sh,
can't do it again, hallelujah for 4" they
shall gnaw file and fee unto the noun
tains of Hepsidam, where the lion roarett
and the wang-doodle mourneth for it.
frst-born." My brethering, am captain
Of that fat-boat you see tied up thar ,anc
I've got aboard of her -four, bacon ant
oats, and as good Monongehaly whiskey
as you ever drunk and l am mighty al
- 2. II