The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-03-13
TnE ADVENTURES or 4 MKDlcAI s1U-

TnE ADVENTURE or 4 MEDlcAL STU.
It Was in tho year 1880 that my father
took the liberty of binding me to an apoth-
ecaxy, who WAS then transacting business in
one Of the most crowded, although certainly
not the most fashionable thorough ghfare in the
metropolis. had attained the ago oi
twelve when i entered the store, and visions
of liquorice feasts and lots of O.lee- col loa
now danced through my brain. Although
was not allowed to choose the profession
would like to follow, still was perfectly
satis6ed, and went to work like hero.-
The frst week washed widows, broke bot.
ties, and spilled medicines but the second
week, Doctor Bolus, chief cook, owner, and
bottle washer of the establishment, came tc
the conclusion that Was ss0ld and ugly
enough" to commence what he termed the
rudiments Of the profession at once. 40.
cordingly pestle was put into my hands,
into which Bolus had placed some "blacL
buttons" - then called them, and he then
showed me how to reduce the "black but.
t0ns'' to powder. s a lUas
tNow, my boy" said Bolus, who was q
cross, thin, long back, religious, consump.
tive specimen Of human abortion, stnow,
my boy, you must remember that these are
the beans Of nor ron,ica, and that they pos.
sess numerous and excellent medicinal quail
tiles. But at present the chef object is fol
you to remember the Latin terms. So dc
not forget that these cylindrical substances,
convex on one side and concave on the 9th.
er, are beans Of nor Uomicd."
ooh, yes" said l, Frightening up, and
imagining myself an accomplished apothe.
cary in moment, ssoh, yes, III remember
those are the beans Of nuts, nuts vomit yer,
that's it."
"Nux what 20 asked Bolus, sharply.
"Nuts vomit YER" answered ! with m
| innocent stare. s'@z
s.Be careful, child, in your pronuncia.
tions,'' said he, ssor may be under the
painful necessity of boxing your ears" and
thus saying, he left me to powder the s'nut.
vomit yer" which endeavored to do unit
late in the evening without success, for the
obstinate beans seemed to be made Of In.
dia rubber. "s
1t would only be tiresome to the reader
for me to recount the numerous awkward
mistakes committed during the first two
years Of my apprenticeship, and moreover
they would be devoid of interest; therefore
we will pass them over, and again com
mencc our tale. '5
During my first two years l had rapidly
progressed in all the branches of my pro
fession, but more especially in chemistry
and the laundering apprentice, who, two
years before, knew not salt from catnip
could now explain pretty cleverly the med
icinal properties of any medicine from cream
Of tarter to the "potassy ferrocyanuretum.
l r. n,L - DaI.,, .k:ol ho .<o 80
and he seemed to become more and mor'
fretful and feverish every day. He preach
ed and practiced /; that is to say, he gav'
the advice and prepared the medicine but
not being satisfied with practicing, | deter
mined to preach also, and, accordingly, il
Mr.. Bolus should happen to be called on
professionally or otherwise, and if patien
should happen to drop in, | would don ,
grave visage, and do myself the honor o
representing my superior, Bolus-prescrib
-hem-haw-bad case, and contribute hal
the profits to my own portmonaie, thinkin,
my advice was worth as much as the medi
cine. l was right, for the medicine wa
liquorice- water; and my advice nonsense
OF course, If these proceedings should b.
seen or heard Of by Mr.. Bolus, would pa,
the forfeit Of sound drubbing. However
l usually managed to have "my patients
callstiibn l Was certain Mr.. Bolus would no
be ififhe store, although, now and then,
managed to get into scrapes from which
was often obliged to tax my ingenuity to tn
utmost to extricate myself. @
1t was one dismal afternoon in Januar
that Bolus left the store for the purpose o
making some calls in the upper part of tn
city, and was confident that it would b
some time ere he returned. Accordingly
washed my face and hands and combe
my hair-a process which seldom troubles
me-and taking Bolus' easy chair, thre,
my legs on the counter, and leaning bacl
heartily wished patient would make hi
or her appearance. Fortune seemed to ia
vor my wishes, for in few minutes q stal
wart Irishman entered, carrying his hand i
a sling.
"Well, sir" said l, as he approached
"can do anything for yoQ to-day?''
can are yersel' the docthur ?"
"Yes, sir" answered l, determined t
make spec, "what is the matter, sir ?"
"Well, sur, have q bloody sore 6nge
here, and | kem to see If you would be af
ther advisin' me to have it lanshed.'' %i-
"Ah, yes. Let me see, sir. Hem; ba'
case, sir, bad case. Afraid amputation un
avoidable lancing best thing" ~
"An' will yersel lansh id, sur ?''
sCertainly, sir, but it will cost you hal
q dollar 70 @ e E~5"
"Half adollar, is it? Faith, an its more'
have. Can't ye give it a wee cut for
quarther, and long life to yer honor ?"
ssNo, sir," answered l, as if my dignit,
had been insulted. ssNo, sir; the charge i
usually more but, inasmuch as 1 perceive'
your situation in life, only asked you hal
price," :" 5.s a@ r"
The Irishman soon came to my terms ,an'
accordingly went in search of lancet TO
the purpose Of performing my first blood
letting operation. 1t was in vain, however
that sought the lancet-it was not to b
found, and was obliged to resort to dis
secting scalpel, which was not much sharpe
than my own rusty jack-knife. However
nothing daunted, and adopting the maxim
ssnecessity knows no law | finally clutches
the murderous weapon, and boldly rushe'
forth to the operation. E
Although my hand trembled rs l va
about making an incision with the scalpel
l did very well, and congratulated mysel
upon the successful issue ofmy 6rst attemp
at surgery. FER
The nifty cents were promptly paid, ant
my patient took his departure. : A weel
had nearly obliterated the occurrence from
my memory, when one morning, to my con
sternation and dismay, who should enter tn
store but my patient, the Irishman, with hi
hand still in sling. Without being seen
l lodged behind the counter, in order t
escape the observation Of smy patient WHIT
walked up to Bolus, who was standing Will
his back to the stove, with the query:
! sWhere is tho docthur2'
/ Il am the doctor, sir answered Bolus
what 10 it you wish?' ~
sWish, is t?' answered the Irishman, sb,
jabcrs wish you and yer lanshin' were a
the divil, bad luck to ye.'
Il am afraid, sir, you have mistaken th'
person. 1n gEse s@
sDivil a mistake; it's either you or ye'
twin BROTHER #
! Il have no brother, SIR
sThin it's yersel' that nearly kilt
But, my dear sir, do not remember
having had the honor Of seeing you before.
sOh! you doesn't, eh?' answered the Irish.
man, drawing forth his hand, which | hat
unconsciously poisoned BY using the dissect.
| ing scalpel, (schich at that moment heart
ily cursed.) sAnd mebbe yea doesn't re.
mimber chargin' me fifty cints for KILN