The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-30
MR.. STRUTS AND HIS yrlrE.

!
ionable 'perditionaries' called watering
places. You see that Struts wasn't worth
more than ten cents On the dollar. lie
smoked inordinately, and waited patiently
for an old aunt to die for five years. becaustt
he expected to become heir nt the end OF
that time. But, unfortunately for him. she
scared up husband; and worse than. that
she scared up baby. Alas, poor Struttsl
But he rallied; raised II goasee, ,a,perial and
moustache; practiced singing; wore a rose
in his button hole; and determine, 10 90 n
and win wife from among the richer uu-
per crusts. With this view, be ben, his stefs
to Newport.
Struts looked over the entrance book.
saw the name of Miss Arme,bea Fitz Cog.
gle, and servants, and that's the talk, suid
he, 'she is rich and beautiful, nav be: 20
in Struts, for yoa are little. 20 in ike e
man, He got an introduction, and danced
attendance on her nine days and quarter,
had just five dollars left, concluded some
thing must be done darned quick: went down
on his marrow bones to her: kissed bey
finger rings; told her be had . pistol all
loaded; IT she said no he meant to pu. tn.
whole charge right into his gizzGrd; would
shoot the first man that Looked at her.
would love her till death, and after that too
IT he could; SO Arimethea Fitz Google ben.
down her head and whispered 'yes.' Oh,
Lord! Struts felt like an unbroken colt that
night. lie drank champagne and burnt ci-
gars tall morning, determined TO nav for
them after he was bone of her bone.' Well.
both were in hurry, and soon the TWAIN
were one fssh, as far Us the ceremony was
concerned.
Srrutts went to bed fry:; men often do
that, although it is not Customary. He Law
there watching his idol dsrobe. with all the
fond, bIlssful feelings of Young husband
on his wedding night. He had wife, a
real, live lady, with lots Of means. Gracious!
he had enough to think about. The gas
was left burning, so he had u good view Of
what he never bebeld before, namely, a wile
coming to bed. Mrs. Struts glanced at
her lord, who pretended to snore softly, in
order that he might not terrify her. Poor
thing as it woman who frequents water
ing places don't get use to everything. Well
she went to the dressing bureru aud pro-
ceeded to take off one piait Of hair and two
masses OF rlnglets, leaving very small
amount OF that important article Of female
beauty. Mr.. Struts heart gave o terrified
bound, and then stood stock still. He open
ed his eyes to see what would next come
Then she put both hands into her mouth
undid her upper jaw, which dropped nstan-
ter; she wiped it carefully and laid it before
the hair. STRUTS gasped painfully and
thrusting his foot down against the foot
board, CALCULATED a 'dam,' with nation behind
it, began to think of his sins.
By and by she undd her form, and of
came pair of funny looking whalebone
things, each one the size of Il pint bowl,
leaving her anything but an attractive arm
full. Oh, mercy! Struts Lit his tongue,
and his eyes were nearly starting from his
head: he spelt mad dog backwards half Il
dozen times, and-kept on locking. She
then put her finger to her left eye. and hor-
ror out it came. Struts hopped right
over and groaned in agony, biting the bed
clothes, jerking his feet up and down like
madman. Mrs. Struts asked him If be was
sick. NO. roared Struts, 4 am just re-
covering
Presently the Newport beauty raised her
skeleton and undid her leg, and before
Struts could jump out Of bed, of came the
leg with beautiful silk stocking and gaiter
on it. Struts rushed out of bed and
seized his pants. Mrs. Struts seized him.
She hung on and he pulled d.s,ractedly.
'Let 50 Of me, you-you-fema.e mon
ster,' roared Struts; show dare YOU deceive
me in this way? Let 90, say. OR will
alarm the inmates of the hotel, and expose
'you.' 'Do,' said Mrs. S., inform til, IN what
kind of wife you succeeded in getting
after coming here expressly for the purpose.
have got you, and don't intend to give
you up; so 60 to work, my dear, ike young
man should, and support NE.
Support you,' shriek.ed Struts. 'Grcar
heaven! you don't mean to tell me t!,at you
are poor-that you haven't got money
plenty of means yDu know And Struts
hair, goatee, imperial and moustache bris-
tied up in agony. SCOT no money? no, Las,
none. no more than yourself. You owe for
that feg of mine and you've gotto pay for 1T
| cam here to get a husband-l have got
one: you came to get Il wife-we are both
deceEved-you are worth nothing, and am
worth the same amount. Now what are
you going to do about it? 'Th,s,' said
Struts, calmly, drawing on his t owsers, Il
am going to do, | am going 10 leave you.
and this is how l will pay you;' and seizing
her leg he threw it out of the winIuw.-
Mrs. Struts screamed-Mr. Struts flew
down stairs, out Of the DOORWAY. Laid
low all the next day-got On craft hound
for New York, and in the course of time
arrived. He has never seen Mrs. Struts
since, but he heard she had gone to CalIfor-
MIA.