The day book. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 1857-1867, 1858-01-06
Counting out West.

The only objection ever made to me IN
this ere country as legislator, was made
by the wimin, cause | war bachelor, and
l never told you afore why remained in
a state of number on.
No Teller stays single preneditated land,
in course, hansum Teller like me, who
all the gals declar to be as emit Gin as
jay bird, was not fixing to stay alone if he
help it. did see creetur once, named
Sofy Mason, up the Cumberland, nigh
into Nashville, Tennessee, that took an
orful hankerin' arter, and sot in to
lookin' anxious for matrimony, and gin
to go reg lar to meetin' and TUX dressin
tremendous fnifed, jest to see if could
win her good opinion.
She did get to lookin' at me kind of
sly, Jest as horse does at somethin' he's
scarf at, when, arter champin' at dis
lance fur while, | sided up to her and
blurted out few words about the sarmin
she says yes; but cuss me if l know
whether that wur the right answer CT
not and I'm thinkin' she didn't know
nuther,
Well, we larfed and talked a leetle all
the way long to her daddy's and thar |
Civ her the best bend had in me, and
raising my bran new hat as pert and per-
lite as a minister lookin' all the time so
inticin' that l sot the gal tremblin Her
old daddy had powerful numerous lot of
| niggers, and lived right ajinin' my place,
while on the other side lived Jake Sim
| mons, a snickin', cute varmint, who war
wurser than miser for stinginess, and no
sooner did this cussed sarpent see me
sidlin' up to Sofy, than he went to slickin'
up too, and sot himselfto work to cut me
out.
That ar wur a struggle ekil to the bat
tie of Orleans. First some new fxup Of
Jake's would take her eye, and then I'd
sport somethin' that would outshine him;
until at last Jake gin in tryin' to out dress
me, and sot to thinkin' Of somethin' else.
Our farms wer jest the same number of
gers apiece. Jake knew that Sofy and
her dad kept sharp eye out for the main
chance, 50 he thought he'd clear me out
by byin' another niger; but. | followed
suit, and bought one the day after he
bought his, so he had no advantage
thar; he then got a COW, and SO did |,
and then, just about then. both of our
pusses gin out.
One Sunday mornin' war leetle late
to meetin, and when l got thar the tust
thing l seed war Jake Simmons sittin'
close bang up agin Sofy, in the same
pew with her daddy l billed awhile with
wrath, and then turned sour, could taste
myself. Thar they wur, singin' hims out
the same book. J-e-e-miny fellers, l
war so enormous mad that the new
silk handkerchief round my neck lost its
color.
AFTER meetin' war out they walked
linked arms, smilln aa luukin DIS pleas
ed as a young couple ut tielr cnri,tt."".,
and Sofy turned her ''ctld Shoulder L,
me SO ortul, that l wilted down and gin
right up straight-Jake had her, thar
war no disputin' it.
headed towards home, with my hands
as fer in my trousers pockets as | could
push 'em, swarm all the way that she
wur the last one that would ever git
chance to rile up my feelins.' Passin'
by Jake's plantation. | looked over the
fence, and thar stood an explanation Of
the matter, right faein the road, whar
every one passin' could see it; his con-
sarned COW was tied to stake in the
gardin with most prolnisin' calf along
side on her. The calf jest soured my
milk, and made Sofy think that fell
Ter who wur always gittin' ahead like
Jake wur right smart chance for live
ly husband.
A shout Of laughter here drowned Su-
gar's voice. AS soon as silence was res
tored, he added, in solemn voice, with
one eye shut and his forefnger pointed at
his auditory
What cussed sight wosser than his
gittin' Sofy was the fact that he borrow
ed the calf the night before of Dick Har-
ley! After the varmint got Soty hitch
ed, he told the joke all over the settle
lment, and the boys never seed me after
wards that they didn't bah, bah, at
me for letin' calf cut me out of a gals
affection. I'd shot Jake, but l thought
it wur free country, and the gal had
right to choose without bein' made Wild
der, so sold out and travelled. I've al
ways thort since then, boys, that VIM
min wur good deal like licker-if you
love 'em too hard they are sure to throw
you some way.
. BACHELORS TAKE WARNING. The
celebrated DR.. Casper, of Berlin, estimates