Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-03-17
How He came to be Married.

There are a few married men who
could not, if they would, relate some
interesting incident connected with
their courting experience, and there are
few unmarried folks Of either sex who
do not take naturally to that style of
narrative Everybody expects to be
married at one time or another, and
consequently everybody is anxious to
know how everybody who has cross
ed the matrimonial Rubicon, managed
the ticklish business. u. w. NJ" thus
explains u us HOW lre guu Iuarrlcu.
1t may be funny, but I've done it
I've got rib and a baby. Shadows
departed,-oyster stews, brandy cock
tails, cigar boxes, boot jacks, abscond-
ing shirt buttons, whist and dominoes.
Shadows present-hoop skirts, band
boxes, ribbons, CATERS, long stockings,
juvenile dresses, tin trumpets, little will
low chairs, cradles, bibs, pap, sugar
teat, paregoric, hive syrup, castor oil,
Godfrey's cordial, soothing syrup, rhu-
barb, SIENNA, salts, squills, and doctors
bills. Shadows future More nine
pound babies, more hive syrup, etc.,
etc. I'll just tell you how [ got caught
| was always the darndest, most tea
custard, bashful fellow you ever did
see; it was kinder in my line to be tax
en- with the shakes every time saw a
pretty gal approaching me, and I'd
cross the street any time rather than to
face one; 'twasn't because I didn't like
the critters, for if | was behind fence
looking through knot hole, I couldn't
look at one long enough. Well my
sister Lib gave party one night, and |
stayed away from home because I was
too bashtul to face the music. / hung
around the house whistling "Old Dan
Tucker" dancing to keep my feet warm
watching the heads, bobbing up and
down behind the window curtains, and
wishing the laundering party would
break up so could get to my room.-
l smoked up bunch of cigars, and it
was getting late and nightly uncom-
Portable, | concluded to shin up the
door post. No sooner said than done,
and l soon found myself snug in bed.
"Now," says /, '1et her rip; Dance till
your wind gives out!!'' And cuddling
under the quilts Morpheus grabbed me.
L was dreaming of soft shell crabbs and
stewed trlpe and having good time,
when somebody knocked at the door
and woke me up. Rap again. I laid
low. Rap, rap, rap! Then I heard
whispering, and | knew there was
whole raft of girls outside. Rap, rap!
Then LIB sings out, "Jack, are you in
there?'' eyes" says I. Then came a
roar of laughter. ''Let us in," says
she: 81 won't says /, ''cant you let
fellow alone:" care Won a-bed9'
says she: 81 am" says I. Then came
another laugh. By thunder! I began
to get riled. "Get out, you petticoat-
ed scarecrows!" cried; s:can't you get
a beau without hauling a fellow out of
bed? won't go home with you-I
won't, so you may clear outI'' And.
throwing a boot at the door, felt bet
ter. But, presently, oh! mortal but
tons! heard still, small voice, very
much like sister Libs, and it said: oJacE,
youH have to get up, for all the girls
things are in therer' Oh. Lord What
a pickle! Think ofme in bed, all cover
ed with shawls, muAs, bonnets and
cloaks, and twenty girls outside the
door waiting to get in! 1fT had ston-
ped to think l should have pancaked
ol @ .lie sPo.' as II was, I rolled out
Smash went the millinery in every
direction. I had to drass ~ Tho dari
for there was crack in the door
and the girls aeiU peek-and the wav I
fnmbled about was death to straw hats
ihe critical moment came. 1 opened
the door, and found myselfright among