Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1858-01-21
THE GAZETTE.
THURSDAY MORNING, JANUARY 2l, 1858
A PRACTICAL JOKE.


cleyerest .tean boat clerk that ever cracked
q good ike or a bottle OF the "rale cr'tter;
and if YOU, perchauce, do not, IT'S your own
fault. for i, YOU had ever out foot on board
tbs ,oud old steamer Columbia, tia has
heen run ming between the Federal City and
Baltimore for a number VI years, he'd have
been sure to have made your acquaintance.
l have heard of many jokes penetrated by
Pat. and of many others to which lie was
awiling witness, but think ne never 10 his
worst days came up to the following piece OF
mischiei:-
"Some two months since the staunch OLD
steamer, after having touched at all heT sew
eral landings On the PJtcmac, had doubled
Point Lookout, and was blowing her way
SLOWLY, but surely, through the deep blue
waters of the Chesapeake, several OF the
boys, headed by that worst of al! teaserS ana
originators Of "divilneDt,' j. IA. l., d'tefh-
ined that nobody should sleep any that night
as it vas to be devoted to iun ana irOilc.
Accordingly they went the rounds IN the
sltepipe saloon, and woke every BODY up,
and pulled all. or most OF their countymen,
ont of their berths. "n0leDs Volens. as the
LAWYERS cay. About the last customer they
came TO was one Of our most popular mer-
chants and thorough clever fellows, who
stands, when on even heel, barring shoes
and stockings, six feet three inches in height,
known amongst his frieods az l.. After
fuggiug good while unsuccessiniy at L.,
some one proposed that they should try and
get 10 the berth aud "scrouge" him out by
force OF arms and knees. No sooner SAID
than one Of the "felltrs" tried 1t on, but IN
stead of keeping always TO windward OF Il
kicking horse, he edged in below, and Just
a. be thought he had carried the assault
through, l. Strengthened himself out on bin
and drove him clear through the next berth,
slap upon top one Of our most venerable ard
respected clergypen. Here was scene
must not attempt to depict, and will only add
that the assailants we're driven back, and
Sebastopol was N yet taken. The besleg'
ers retired to the forward cabin and waking
poor Dick up from his stolen slumbcr in the
bar, prsctised awhile, fred, and fell back TO
an unoccup pied corner to hold council ot
war. About the time the council ended the
Columbia reached her wharf, foot of Com
merce-street, aud the passengers were all
trying to snatch little nap before the ro-
seste tiuts Of morning made their appear
snoe. As soon as the gangway board was
out, our "boys" we're too, and immediate
" surrounded by on army Of have a-hack-
men. j. Ii. Il. was spokesman, aud picking
out pair of Tom Hyer looking sons Of Erin.
told them very gravely that be did want
back to take friend out to Mount Hope Ia
luuatic asylum ADD that if they would obey
his instructions faithfully he would allow
double charge. 10 the first place they were
not to mind u word the friend said, and II
on enquiry be said be didn't want hack,
they were to ..take him out of his berth by
main force. The party, with I. III the lead,
went into the saloon, where all was quiet,
save an occasional snore, betokeuiug deep
slumber on the part OF the performer on the
wind instrument At signal from L. the
foremost "coacbey" tapped l.. gently on the
arm who was sleeping beautifully alter his
equine kicking match) and asked very KIND
lv If he wanted hack, tn which question he
was answered With ITO the devil with your
hack" Another signal from T., who To- ked
40 woe-begoue at the deplorahle state OF his
friend that any Que would have been deceiV-
ed, was sufficient, and each knight OF the
whip, putting aside bis baton and great coat,
made preparations for the tray. L., looking
out from his berth, thought at first they
meant fight, but observing they did not look
angry, accosted them blandy, and desired to
know what they wanted. "TO-be-sure an
you know" said CUachey No. l; they
brought you up here to 60 to Mount Hope,
and if you don't 20 along nsteiy and dali
Gently, we shall have TO take you inny how
we can"
will not endeavor TO describe the scene
that eDsued, for my pen would be poweriess
to discharge the duty. Suffice it to say that
l.. endeavorcd at first to persuade bis guards
that it was all q hoax, that he was no core
crazy than they were; failing in this be at
temp,ed coup d. etat;" but Erin couldn't
be managed. j.. talked TO them like a father
and brother, and anon be threatened them
with the law, revolvers, aud what not, all u
no purpose for they took him out OF ms
berth, and having helped him on with his
clothes, we're marching him out to the hack
one on either side, like two city policemen,
when fortunately for L., just as they reached
the COMPANION way they met Pat havan-
augh, who caused him to be released. but Tor
which foItuitous circumstance ne would most
unquestionably have been taken to Mount
Hope as q lunatic.
1t is scarcely worth adding that I. and his
party bad "vamosed the ranch" before the
fnaie of the affair. and if, gentle reader, you
had happened to have gone into Guys one
hour later. for an early cup of coffee, you
woald have heard such peals OF laughter
emanating from a snug little box IN a cor,
ner. as would have provoked you to join IN n
your life had depended on your sileDce.-N'