The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1858-09-23

Irosts OF years and the storms of passion have
ieit me o1t miserable wreck, incapable of
"How have you determined about the re-.
ceipt of the money, Mr.. Orford7"
sob, discount the ticket and give me the
money. l want to have done with lotteries
with all speed"
To morrow, then, / will bring you a check
for the amount and receive the ticket from
you"
That will suit me very well. It comes 3D.
portunely, this money, does it not2" continued
he. looking sorrowfulIy around the room.
There is not much left in your little locker.
is there, Nary"
"Very little. father, but enough to have last.
ed us a week or go. We both eat very little,
you know"
| Yes, yes, child, we learned that under the
discipline of teacher who always inprints
bis precepts indelibly upon one. Young man, |"
said he, turning suddenly towards me, and
and grasping my arm, let me conjure you,
never gamble. Il will ruin you. L will tell
you something OF myself. Come, sit close by
me; cannot talk in loud tone.
| Thirty years ago, was rich and happy.
With beautiful bride, who was Just learning
tenderly the word husband and clinping to
me with the fondest love. This is all / have
TO remind me of her-this, my Mary, for whom
l thank God! for had she gone, too, 1 would
not have seen this day, nor have ever felt the
new hope Just kindling in my breast. was
wealthy, and enjoyed every comfort purchase.
bic OF wealth. l entertained handsomely, lived
freely and well, but within my income, which
was fully adequate to my desires
| well, time passed on. l began to hear my
children lisp around me, when sudden desire
tor change, and the solicitation of friends, in.
duceo me to accept an honorable and lucrative
post under Government, one which required
my removal to the Federal city fancied this
move would benefit my family, since my children
would have the advantage of growing mp in an
excellent society, and one we'll calculated to
teach them that free, cosmopolitan manner
which is so desirable.
This move Of mine, apparently 80 reason.
able, was prolific of those evils which have hung
around me ever since. thought myself man,
was confident of my power of self control but
no one knows what he is competent for until
he has been tried. The destinations of life
so new to me, led me on imperceptibly into
dissipation. became the prey of set of
scoundrels, who availed themselves of nv Weld.
ing disposition, to spoil me of nv wealth. |
gambled, and lost heavily. Two years had
scarce elapsed, when / found myself threat.
ened with almost poverty. In this emergency,
1 awoke to sense of my folly, took up some.
thing OF good resolution, and, urged by my poor
wife's entreaties, gave up my Office, and re-.
| turned to this city.
Iopened store, and invested what capital
remained to me in good business Again
attained to prosperity not for long, however,
TOR the evil spirit that welded my destiny had
not been cast out gsmbled again, and in
very short time was utterly penniless.. Sickness.
came, my two elder children we're Carried of.
and my wife Frustrated. In this climax of
evils, was thrown into utter despair, and sat
down, moody resolving to starve. Ny wife,
however, true to her womany instincts, con.
soied and encouraged me. / commenced bust.
ness again on q small amount, which / owed
to the kindness of my friends. In ak months
had cheering prospects once more of comfort
and competency. l could look my lot in the
face with some comp,acency, -l;ia wife and
children began to smile, under the inspiration
OF renewed hope. / am not fatalist, young
man, but sometimes, when look upon my past,
| am tempted to believe that the hand Of des
tiny overruled my efforts and intentions. One
day, after having done q remarkably good bust
ness, l bought lottery ticket. 1t was my fate,
thought, afterwards. / drew four hundred
dollars. Elated with this success, went into
gambling saloon, played, and won over two
thousand dollars. The next night, and tie
next, L played, and on the fifth night went
home at midnight, pauper-having lost every.
thing, even to a judgment upon my goods and
furniture. / was drunk, desperate, and, with
pistol which had bought, was determined to
end my existence. Just as l was in the act
OF blowing out my brains, my poor wife entered
the room, seized my hand, and in attempting
TO wrest the weapon from me, discharged it.
The ball entered her breast. In an instant I
~ rad nd II r.. L.
me to live for our children. In few minutes
1t was over. She died in my arms; and even
before she was cold, was taken to prison as a
murderer. My proteststions awaited not there
we're no witnesses to the act. ,oas her muir
derer, and l had been willing to have exp.
ated the crime. My trial would have ended my
lie; but my lawyer, very skillful ian, b.
me acquitted upon some legal bubble. i
sought my home, a broken. hearted man. Want
and sickness had almost completed nv desola-
ton. This child, Mary, alone remained to me,
wee, feeble infant. Men stunned me, and
CHI dren learned to point at me, for l was
Cain. With little Mary in my arms, went far
away, and began again to work, that might
provide for her.
"FJr while got along well enough, bat
the brand tf Cain was upon me. aud there was
no city of refuge whittier to fee | moved
from place to place, but everywhere they knew
me as the murderer. Thus it was for years.
until, rendered desperate by the worlds inius.
tce, | returned to this city, determined t. take
the storm at its eliminating point Here
have abded, patiently toiling in poverty and
obscurity. Here / might have lived happily
Int | became heir to a small legacy, and. 81
multaneously with the accession of money came
the desire for gambling. was too weak to re-
sist Il. did not, however, throw my money
away in the same manner as bad formerly
done. began to gamble in lotteries-the
most fascinating kind of gambling, know, be- |
cause 1t is the most engroesing. 1t becomes,
as it were, part of ourselves; it instills its sub
tie, poisonous suggestings into our very being. |
1t feeds our Imagination, and becomes the |
thread of all our dream fancies 1t is doubly |
dangerous, in that it pampers into unnatural |
activity, and gives potent substance to that |
vague persuasion, latent in every human mind, |
of destiny being regent, and determining what |
shall be for us in the future. cannot rid nv. |
self of the idea, even now, though my sober |
reason is entirely repugnsnt to it, that / was |
destined to draw prize to those numbers. |
The prize seems to me to be merely the CON. /
pletion of Thing long since predetermined.
"Thus have lived during these latter years, |
sometimes comparatively af1aent, at others On |
she point of starvipg-always a lottery.gambler, |
always miserable. This child here has borne |
with all my ills; she has tasted when have |
tasted, and sometimes, fear, she has tasted |
that might eat. But this recital brings back |
my pains too violently to be prolonged. Those |
days of intatuation are over-I hope forever
cannot, in view of my too frequent relapses.
say that shall never fall again. can only |
say, shall strive to deserve this tardy favor of
Fortune. am broken in body and spirit aud. |
as is meet, the gambler will spend his few re |
naming days in suffering for and mourning |
over his i'll spent past