The emigrant aid journal of Minnesota. [volume] (Nininger City, Minn. Terr. [i.e. Minn.]) 1856-1858, 1858-01-27
it has grown strong enough to crush by its robounding
a heart that would have shed its last drop of blood to

a heart that would have shed its last drop of blood to
serve you, Love you ?-yes-so we'll that l could
strike you dead here at my feet, and trample on your
ifeless body in very loathing Of the mean soul it con-
tanned $50 we'll, that if your false heart lay bare be-
fore me, l could snap the chords apart with as little pity
as | would threads of fax $50 we'll, that when you die
l hope / may be beside you to show you how fit you are
for heaven to console you by recalling the magnani-
NOUS aims that have inspired you life, and to revive you
at the last moment by whispering in your ear of the
honorable victory you have achieved over a defenceless,
weak-hearted woman = I paused, out of breath with
passion.
Go on-please 60 no. Anger improves the style of
your beauty, and I am a grati6ed listener said my tor
mentor, drily.
Il have nothing more to say I replied, save that 1
pray l may never look upon your face again, unless the
sight Of me becomes a torment, and then l will risk
wealth, life, ny, everything, for the sake of passing once
more before your eyes!
He caught one Of my hands that was lying idly in
my lap, and when l would have suatched it from him,
he closed his fingers about it like a vice. The look of
bitterness sofsened away from his features, and one of al
most tender expectation took its place. l saw in the
change only q new revelation of hypocrisy, cunning and
far-seeing, treacherSus m~alignity so l waited for him
to speak. Is it any wonder l hated him
Helen he said, and the cutting sharpness was all
gone from his voice, will you marry me?'
The question did not startle me half as much as it
would have done an hour before it was like him
strange, abrupt, contradictory. Isprang up, and spurn-
ed him with my foot.
DO not tempt NE further, Richard Vinely, or even
you, evil as you are, may shrink from the demon [ shall
harden into. l am not ashamed to own that l have
loved you, for over the blackness and corruption of your
| true character, you have worn s~kilfully the disguise Of a
pure, upright manliness, and through that only have [
known you. Go away now and boast Of your prowess
Il am willing. Spread it far and wide that Helen
~Reade-proud, imperial, naughty Helen Reade has been
humbled by your scorn. But say not that she wept be-
fOrn n nOt that Sha cIunr fO n n r OIoaHpd n If
tainted, as gentler women might have done. Say that
when she knew you better, she spurned you as she would
a venomous reptile say that she took back the love you
despised and flung it to the winds, as the only shame of
her life say that she de6ed, insulted, cursed you to
your face, and called all the angels of darkness to her
aid, SO that she might hate you-hatel you entirely SO
long as you and she live; say
Stop in Heavens name, stop = be exclaimed, in
t~errupting me and | knew by the whiteness of his face,
and the blank, horri6ed look of entreaty which be gave
me, that my vehemence frightened him. was glad
that it was so, and swept past him with a low, derisive
laugh.
wait, and hear me one moment, Helen = he cried,
s~pringing forward to detain me.
But I shook off his touch as though it had been a
~serpent's, and walked proudly up the garden path. l
can but wonder now at the mighty effort with which |
crushed back my true feeling into subyection, till my
heart was numb with the great agony it would not let
find a voice. l tried to think of everything save the in
WdIQ liz tudU u OuSuAiuS uO > VIuOu ~ CulAh vi tuC
rose-bushes whose green branches, thick with buds,
brushed my garments as l went steadily past them !;
tried to think of the lilacs that reached out their heavy
clusters to me like SO many purple hands; and all the
while l felt that sharp anguish gnawing into my SOUL!
did not go to my room, for [ thought that its quiet
solitude would kill me. | was too miserable to weep,
or pray, or think. needed excitement, activity, amuse-
ment. So l went into the large parlors that had been
crowded with company all the afternoon 4; / sang, jest
ed, and played, scarcely knowing and little caring what
| I did, vet dimly conscious that once the tall figure of
Richard Vinely came into the room, fingered a moment
as if watching me, and then disappeared.
do not remember how that afternoon and evening
wore away. But l know the great, noisy, brilliant rooms
were silent at last the guests had departed, the lights
were extinguished, and faint with the misery l had kept
in check so long, ] was sitting on a broad, low window
seat at one end Of the desolated parlor, leaning cut to
bound hair, from my fevered cheeks. Everything seem.
ed to me like a confused dream, and when the door at
the further extremity of the apartment was opened soft
", I felt, rather than saw, that Richard Vinely stood
upon the threshold.
what, all empty, all dark ! I heard him say, and
then he turned to 60 but the futter of my white dress
must have attracted his notice, for be stopped and came
ed, in a low voice, lis that you ?'-I did not answer,
but drew the window curtain closely about my face.
Don't be triaing,' he said, impatiently. Il have some
thing that I wish to%-something that I must tell you
And he came along, and drew an ottoman to my side.
That he should have mistaken me for another person,
even in the dark, seemed strange to me then, although
I see now how easily in his great agitation it could be.
| But l was glad to escape detection, for it seemed as
though l could suffer any torture rather than make my
| self known to him, lest he should triumph over me again
in my womanly and less defiant mood. Besides, |
| thought l should like to hear him speak once more.
kindly and without irony, as he had been wont to SPEAK,
before that terrible hour when he smote me almost mad
| with his cruel words. So l schooled myself for the de-
ception I was about to practise, and told him in a whis-
per, lest be should recognise me, that | was ready to hear
him.
20, l am %wretched, Amy, SO utterly wretched ! he
commenced.
Fierce as was the ~exultation with which l heard this
confession, there was something so touching, and withal
| 20 earnes+, in his manner, that for a moment l pltied
more than despised him. Since he suffered l thought l
had a right to partially forgive him the terrible wrong
he had done me.
sListen,' he continued, seeing I did not speak 'iet
| me tel YOU what an idiot, what a wretch l have 1oeceenn:
You know, ANIL imagined his voice quivercd a lit
tle-swhat my feelings have been towards Helen Reade;
to you, and to you only have I confded the love which
has been my inspiration for six long years. You know,
too, that a long time ago, when she was very youn and
l was foolish, I offered myself to her and was rejected.
Since then she has learned to look upon me in a differ
ent light; need I say what happiness it has given me to
know it ? To-day, Amy, when I knew that a single
| WOIu " u ulluC WONAN - ' tSASN nv
her proud heart to me and made her mine forever, some
evil demon put it in my heart to try her even as l had
been tried. l tainted her with the very love l craved
SO madly, and told her I had sought it but for revenge.
Fool that I was so to tempt a woman's pride Fool to
think l could put her from me with affected contempt,
and gather her all the more closely to my bosom to
imagine I might shock, ~startle, terrify her, and then
soften her back into forgiveness, by the same tenderness
l had outraged !! Oh, the real indignation with which
she scorned me, and flung my insults back into my
teeth l quailed before her, astonished, ashamed, baf-
rash hand 1 dared disturb the sweet channel of her
maidenly love, and it turned into a river of gall, whose
bitterness shall henceforth be over all my life. l feel
that no explanation, no apology, no plea for forgiveness,
can be powerful enough to counterfeit the great unutter-
able hatred with which l have inspired her. Pity me,
dear Amy, pity me A mad, unmanly freak has cost
me tie happiness of a lifetime
He paused, and I could hear his proud form shaking
with strong. passionate sobs of grief. 1t was well that