The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1858-03-17
McGREGOR, IOWA, WEDNESDAY, MARCH II, 1863

| which l crushed back my true feeling.
into subsection. till my heart was numt
with the great agony it would not le
find voice. tried to think of every.
thing save the inward fire that was con.
suming me--tried to think Of the rose.
bushes whose green branches, thick
with buds. brushed my garments as
went steadily past them-tried to think
Of the lilacs that reached out their heavy
clusters to me like so many purple
hands and all the while felt that sharp
anguish gnawing into my soul.
did not go to my room, for thought
that its quiet solitude would kill me.
was too miserable to weep, or pray. OF
think. I needed excitement, activity,
amusement. So / went into the large
parlors that had been crowded all the
afternoon l sang, jested, and played,
scarcely knowing and little caring what
l did, yet dimIy conscious that once
the tall figure of Richard V;nely came
into the room. fingered moment, as if
watching me, and then disappeared.
do not remember how that afternoon
and evening wore away. But l know
the great, noisy, brilliant rooms were
silent at last; the gusts had departed, =,
the lights were extinguished, and faint
with the misery had kept in check so
long, l was sitting on broad, low win
dow seat at one end of the desolated
parlor, leaning out to feel the cool, fresh
night-wind, as it tossed the long un-
bound hair from my checks. Every
thing seemed to me like dream, and
when tie door at the further extremity
of the apartment was opened softly, l
felt, rather than saw. that Richard Vinely
stood upon the threshold.
"What all empty, all dark - heard
him cry, and then he turned to 90 but
the flutter of my white dress must have
attracted his notice, for he stopped and
came back few steps into the ROOM
cousin Amy" he called, in low
voice. "is that you p I did not ans
wer, but drew the window.curtain close
ly about my face. Don't be trifling," "
he said, impatiensly. Il have something
that I wish to-something that must
tell you" And he came along, and
drew an ottoman to my side.
That he should have mistaken me for
anol her person, even in the dark, SEEM
ed strange to me then. although see
now how easily in his great agitation it
could be. But l was glad to escape de-
lection, for it seemed as though l could
suffer any torture rather than make N.Y.
self known to him. lest he should tri-
umph over me again in my more wo-
manly and less defiant mode. Besides,
l thought l should like to hear him
speak once more, kindly and withou,
irony, as he had been wont to speak be.
fore that terrible hour when he smote
me almost mad with his cruel Words
So | schooled myself for the deception
I was about to practice, and told hm in
a whisper. lest he should recognize me.
that was ready TO hear him.
30. l am wretched, Amy, so utterly
wretched p he commenced.
Fierce as was the exul,ation with
which heard this confession. there was
something so touching, and withal so
e.rnest i'll his manner. that for moment
| piGied more than despised him. Since
he suffered l thought l had a right to
partially forgive him the terrible wrong
he had done me.
"Lis'en," he continued. seeing did
not speak 'les me tell you what an
idio', what a wretch have been. You
know, Amy."-I imagined his voice
quivered lit'le-''what my feelings
have been towards Helen Reade to you
and to you only have l contided the
love which has been my inspiration for
six long years. You know. too, that a
long time ago. when she WAS very young
and she was foolish, l offered myself to
her and was rejected. Since then she
has learned to look upon me in differ
ent light; need SAY what happiness it
has given me to know it TO day,
Amy. when l knew that a single word
Of mine would have opened the inner
most door OF her prou heart to me, and
made her mine forever, some evil demon
put it in my heart to try her even as l
had been tried. / taun,ed her with the
very love / craved so madly. and told
her ! had sought it but for revenge
Fool that was SO to tempt a woman's
pride Fool to think l could put her
from ME with affected contempt. and
gather her all the more closely to my
bosom to imagine might shock. star
tie. terrify her. and then soften her back
into forgiveness. by the same tenderness
l had outraged. Oh. the regal indigna-
ton with which she scorned me, and
flung my insults back into my teeth -
quailed before her, as,onished, asham-
ed. bAtiled trembled at the storm l
had invoked. With rash nand l dar-
ed disturb the sweet channel of her
maidenly love, and it turned into a riv-
er of gall. whose bitterness shall hence
forth be over all my life. feel that
no explanation. no apology, no plea for
forgiveness, can be powerful enough to
counteract the great. unutte' able hatred
with which l have inspired her. Pity
me. dear Amy. pity me! A mad. un-
manly freak mas cost me the happiness
OF lifetime" s a.s e
He paused. and l could hear his proud
form shaking with strong, passiona. 9
subs Of grief. II was we'll that he was
thus agi.a;ed. or the loud beating of my
heart would have betrayed me.
Richard I whispered softly
through my binding tears. af,er ] had
had time to control the rapturous feeling
that had nearly overwhelmed me.
He turned his head quickly, and ex-
claimed, in voice. scarcely above a
whisper. "Hark. Amy! Am dream
inn-or did / haar har oall ma 2n