Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1858-01-29
NohsCNicATgO.
"IIere's TO Ugly Women!T

You may talk as you please about ,fa
rough rubs Of your honest poor men, Won,
down-trud philos Ophers, your neglected yor.
thy in general; but, for our parts, We csniily
believe there are precious few OF all the
crowd, who have a "harder time Of it. ina
small way, than that lucEless portion ds.ir.
| mated BY us, with such non-chaIanCe, U.ly
| Women" Good heavens It's an easy enough
word 10 say; but just think what ya.,
meaning there is in it. OILY realize for
minute the immensely Of disadvantage tue
heights and depths OF Inconvenience glaruS
out in that RUTHLESS phrase IAN Ugly W..
mani The Intense want OF love, aud care.
and attention, the cruel experience Of u.
meant slIgbts, of uniDtent!onal averSious oI
uumistskabls looks ! The life long holeles:
blank, she must draw in all vanlty's pleasaI;
little lotteries. Oppressed by the iron
weight Of unapproviug eyes. fettered By
chain of awkward consciousness, irrIiatei
bv writings of hurt nature, sick from reach.
ings of quslmish vanity, stuug TO mortlfcl.
tor by the enhiyed swarm Of pride, AMI
envy, and hope, that may not, rs in other,
breasts, have egress; aud yet expected to
have more good temper, good nature, GOOD
humor, land as many more goods Of tho
same sort as you can squeeze into the pack p
than other people; never permitted T. indulge
IN long faces, low spirits, or any Ut beauty,
luxuries, but to be always pleasant and
agreeable ~ the only compensation she can
make the world tor having 10 look at her,
She must never be "in the way'-t0r that's
beluty's place, nor "Out of the way" for
tits her tax TO be useful. She must not have
the face u look III a beau, yet II she does
not catch one, she only gives the word
stronger assurance that she Is una'trarryc.
Yet she must use 10 arts, set 10 trays. these
are cOntrabaud IN her case-the very meu.
ton of love or sentiment IN connexiln with
her exciting smile and giving every urchia
the right to turn up his snOut, a. II he sme..
u Joke. A joke, by heaven, as if W.
man were no woman, because shes ugly
could have no heart softer than her face, ~
affection. richer or fuller than her form 49,
Her heart may be just the most wUmany
heart in the world; no mater, she's got . he
her OwH man, Invested as she is, by uaure
and common consent, of the only adrVlt wea-
pom the female hand can WELD She must
fight her own battles. land such battles p
with none to help. Her own traitor tie
understanding on her very fore most ran.
parts wIuking at her enemies Who nov,
In the name Ot reason and common sense
who, with such long lists OF gntIpathes 40.
short rates of sympnthles, could have more
unequal cOntesty Yet all this fails 10 the
lot OF the luckless dam.el who has chancei
T. have been ushered into this world With
that ill-starrei prefaclng-a homely phil-
Now we don't mean those mixed bases q :
doubtful cases, whose beauty may he In tie
eye of him who sees il, and IN the eye OF tbs
possessyr. too the face that's sweet to me-
insipd t. you, decelying to the wearcr, al!
by a little hOcuS-pocus can be made quite
preseBtable to the world; tut We mean. thai
downright, unqualified, uumistnkable, ugly
OF which the owner in painfully aware, wBJ.o
claim no man disputes, but "he who run.
may read" and he who reads, Is very apt
run the face that's got tue patent rlghtD
itself, and which there's nothing like
such queer notions, as TO who made II, whist
it was made for, what spite the little talna
had at lis birth, or what old Clotho could
have been about to tic the web OF any MOT
tails life into such an execrable knot rgN
in w0msu's brOw-Or II we give nature
any credit for it We can only fancy her max
ing it up, in tit of economy, out OF all syfa
of the odds and ends, just tor Ike or tg'
sheer wantonness TIE dsub, as it were, %
which she wiped her brushes before Setur.
about u master piece. The face, 10 wOi., =
you never hold long enough to zee It II ha"
good eyes, or nose or mouth; the tout cnseG.
bic being 90 complete you look but once a.!
turn away, thinking the wearer ought 70 te
so thankful tiS turned out" instead vl 10.
aud wondering if 1t hurt, her az much a'd
does yOu--0r, any other wOndermert' =.
please. But tnIs is the sort OF bona me
ugliness We are talking about IN "IN-
there is no temptation t. dOntt NJ to ameil
mens. And this is the Ugly Woman' "
do make bold to say has a hard time VI II
particularly when you add u such hc@ t'
quick percevlng mind, the tender la',s
heart, aud the quiet religious lIie. D.
these together. and you have our heron.
Now q man may BE- hsrdtayJrei, as u.
as the Devil, land good deal ugier., q"
il he only be as subtitle With his tOnsde u
can talk off his old face, and talk on nr'
1t makes no odds with the generous tar y
arc proverbially taken by tue ears" D."
when a wUman's ugly, she must not b'''
the face to show q charm she is got. Jo'''
f0rroOth it be some genius oil DE S'F'
who may make halo enough wherein q L|
herself. But for ordinary mortal' !! ts!
could but borrow or steal the "macc '''
wuich the euvlOus Venus has 50 seldom
casiOn 10 use, il would be all thcy nrel rs
OF her, and their best security agAins, t'r o
rows Of unkindness or rIdIcule. u''
case, this, my poor Sisters n very hafl ca
I've seen how the game goes, aud b." DID,.
Justice you have done you, and thryS .''
my gau ntiet az Knight Errabt Tor a.. g..
oppressed damseIs And, We making ~.
boast, the while about our lnstlncuVc ~.
virtue, and admiration for what l. g2ri''
true! Fudge! The ratio between mrO'' ~
Of right, and rule of practice Is about o'
the sUrTie5t calculations IN the whole -a-
lite. Not that goodness debar- one iron
ing loved. Certainly MT We are
along with it; loved III spite Of It, loved "'
ways, wien goodness Is ~ az
dance; but 10 cay We love because To OF.
OF devotion IS good and proper o'Jrc"
palpably false, 'tIs fairly rIdIculyu-
you ever love an Ugly Womlu, or, nj.