The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-07-10
MY ADVENTURES IN sMITHBURGH
BY JOHN BRADSHAW.


MY ADVENTURES IN SMITHBURGH.
BY JOHN BRADSHAW.
Make you a pair before Saturday night,
sir, said the shoemaker.
Cant wait,' said l; going out OF town
| by the next train.'
sOh, we'll, now l think" replied he,
shere's an uncommon nice pair, that may
bell fit. They was made for gentleman
that didn't take 'em: too small across here,
you see.' ~,
sTry ,em on sir? All yes, so exactly. Why
they it like they'd been made for your
They did fit tolerably well, so bought
them. In five minutes was seated on
board the cars in Chatham street, and in
half an hour more was steaming and rat
tling away out of the city, toward my des-
tnation. was going on a collecting expe-
dition to the secluded 'little rural PARADISE
Smithburgh, which, as you are aware, is
situated about a hundred miles back Of the
City Hall, and is about the same number of
years behind the Metropolis in the modern
improvements.' One Of the Smithburgh-
ers was in debt to my employers, (the great
house of Naryred & Co., of whom youhave
doubtless heard, Pearl street, just below
Fulton.) The aforesaid Smithburgher was
rnmored to be on the eve of Suspension
hence my hurried journey. Be it remem-
bered that these events occurred two years
ago, at which era debts were still colecta-
bic.
'Thc shades of night were falling fast"
when the train deposited my carpet bag and
myself at the Smithburgh station. | was
soon cnsconced in the tavern; an ambitious
wooden structure, very garishly white, and
very lavish of piazza without, which quail
ties were counterbalanced by its being very
dirty and very cramped for room within.
| When went over in the evening to the
store of my delinquent debtor, l did not
find him; and brief conversation with the
people whom | did find, served to inform
me that | had come on fruitless Grand.
lie had not only suspended, but had de-
camped out of Smithburgh into parts un-
known. lie was dead loss so far as Nary
red & Co. were concerned. All that could
be done with him, was to put him down on
the debtor side of the profit and loss ac-
count. There was nothing for it but TO 90
! back.
'And when does the next train 90 DOWN.
inquired of mine host at the 'lIotel.'
! no train down till lbs, A. x.,' was the
curt response.
Just my luck. No money, no assets, no
collection, and now no train. shall have
to stay fourteen hours longer in this dismal
country tavern. Tired and very ill-humor-
ed after nodding an hour over the same pa
per had read the day before in town,
took my candle and took myself off to bed.
1t must have been near midnight, when
was suddenly reused up by laundering e1-
plosion.
'Bangr
/ Bcwildercd and sleepy, sat up in bed,
trying to make out whether Naryrcd & Com
pany had sburst,' and were unable to pay
ten cents on the dollar, or whether was
aboard a Mississippi steamer which had
COLLAPSED ilue,' and was about to be scald-
ed with hot steam: or whether
Bang suddenly went second explosion
and made out to comprehend that some
thing was being fired off under my window.
Jumping up, rushed to the sash and
peered out. Sure enough, there was a
crowd of men and boys, gathered round
what looked to be an anvil, ramming i,
down for third discharge.
1t must be election dav in Smithburgh,
thought |, and they are rejoicing over the
result. Confound the successful candidate,
whoever he is, making such an internal
racket!
Just then, one of the youngsters looking up,
caught sight of me standing in my shirt at
the window. He hurriedly spoke to the
others and then one shouted:
'Boys, let's give him three cheers.'
And they did.
"lloO- oo-raw'
slloo- CO. oo-raw!'
'uOo- oO- 90 ra-a-a-aw!'
shrank back and crept shivering into
bed, Just as gun number four went of, amid
another set of cheers. One and thirty times
did that Internal piece go off, l devoutlv
praying each time that it might burst, and
so stop. Then there were more cheers
Then there was bonfire, blazing up so
suddenly into the window, that thought
the house had caught fire. Then there was
'Ilail Columbia' and Yankee Doodle,' on q
cracked fiddle and whizzy clarionet. At
tlast the Babel quieted down, and l, wonder
ing considerably what it was all about, fell
asleep.
But if was mystifed about the doings
of the night, was considerably more puz-
zled by the goings on of the morning. Nv
host met me with most profound bow, and
was deferentially solicitous about my health.
The bar-keeper bowed reverentially when
passed him. The bar.room idlers all re-
spectfully rose to their feet (staring hard
meanwhile. rs walked through. The cham
bermaid dropped as many as fifty courte.
sizes, one after another, when happened to
meet her in the hall, and so overwhelmingly
civil was everybody that half imagined /
had stepped out of free and easy America
into courteous France.
On looking round perceived the house
itself was marvellously changed over night.
The scrubbing brush must have been busy
since daylight, for the doors were freshly
secured and the windows glistensd with
polish, while the furniture was 'set round
in the primmest kind Of order. The land
lady, although it was the slatterly hour of
s O'Clock in tho morning, was arrayed in 4
majestic black silk, and her cap, with its
multitudiuous cherry -colored ribbons, was
miraculous to behold. Mine host evidently
had on his Sunday balck suit, and hadthrust
himself into clean shirt, starched to an ex-
tent that kept him perpendicular as grena-
dier.
1t must be, thought I, that this is county
fair day; or perhaps they are going to have
wedding in the house.
by the way, what was the firing for, last
night?' Inquired. s..
'oh, mere six FOUNDER, sir, but the best
We have in Smithburgh. The boys thought
they must have it out in honor of your arri-
val.'
I'm honor Of my arrivaIp CALCULATED ],
taken all aback.
Yes, your excellency. But breakfast is
ready. Will your excellency walk in.'
My arrival, my excellency! was 50 rs.
founded at the sudden distinction with which
l found myself invested, that could onls
walk in and seat myself at the breakfast
table.
Certainly sHotel' had put forth it, most
strenuous efforts to get up that breakfas
There were boiled chickens fricasseed: there
was huge turkey; there was roast sir
loin of beef; there was a cold leg of mutton
and hot leg of veal; there were ham and
eggs, and ham without eggs and eggs with
ou, ham: pork and beans, beefsteak, outlets