The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1858-03-03
A Printer Gone.

A Printer Gone.
FELT, the Editor of the Bradford Nescs, has
"gone up" His legal death as "single man, |"
is recorded in our Marriage columns. We are
glad of it. Early marriages are. always best
and as our young contemporary has long shown
decided anxiety to become the head of q
family, we are rejoiced to learn that he has sue
ceeded. His last weeks articles show decid-
ed change in his nervous systcm-there is q
quiet, old.man-sort of finish to them that is
admirably suggestive of subordination. While
reading the sedative articles of the Ne,cs we
fell asleep and dreamed that Felt had written us
letter-the following extracts ore all We can
recall:
"We've taken partner for life, and I've got
q wife. In my room pair of brown CATERS
occupy the corner where our bootjack used to
hang, and We hatter ourselves that I've made q
good bargain in exchange. now take re-
newed interest in the price Of beef, and we bully
our butcher with the air Of respectable mar
| ried man. We buy potatoes now myself, and
We are not to be easily bamboozled out of my
spare change by anybody. But / am not a
"malefactory," and did not go on a "rain.'-
We have finished my "trains," and claim for
Ourself the name of sober and correct individ-
ual. Beer we will not take into my mouth,
and our lips shall be sealed when the festive
cocktail" would tempt me to indulge-nor
shall the social "cobbler,' or the genial .ulep,"
or the seductive "smash," induce me to fracture
our resolution. Ourself is the best judge of the
! prophecies of my domestic life.
We are not a Benedict, and am determin-
ed to become respectable, steady and serious.
| I hov haoh hall NJ;
ton table, which we have learned by heart, and
which commend to the careful consideration
of our readers - ~ ,..
Twice two ''smashcs' buys a box Of hair.
pins.
Twice three ''cobblers" buys pair of ear
rings-(chcap)
Twice four "lagers" buys pair of gloves
| (female.)
Twice five "juleps' buys a breast-pin (fe-
nlale)
Twice six punches buys linen collar lie
male)
Twice seven Gales" buys pair Of shoes, (fe.
male.)
Twice eight "toddies' buys calico dress,
with cloth enough for basque and panta-
lettcs)
Twice nine "hiiters" buys summer bonnet
(and leaves q tlife towards the veil and trim
mings.)
Twice ten ''sangarees' buys pair of stays
(machine stitched, with patent eyelets aud EN-.
broidered down the back)
Twice eleven "slings" buys cellar and un
dersleeves, (and leaves balance toward the
fringe.)
Twice twelve "brandy straightsa are good
for a hooped skirt eight house size,) two pairs
Of long stockings, and a silk parasol.
And SO on oil through, ending up with
"Twelve times twelve baskets of champagne
pays house-rent for a year, and leaves mar
GIN"
It's astonishing how much I've learned of tht
mysteries of feminine apparel in ten days.
know that the dear creatures trim their bonnet
with foundation muslin; that il takes tire,
breadths and half to make dress, and tina
the lower edge of their white skirts is Away
hem stitched with lace-work.
All Col, the uoet truly saith:
''The treasures of the deep are not precious
As the concealed comforts of man,
Locked up in woman's love-"
Yours partly, F.