Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1858-06-30
Ckoiee giteratura
From Harper's Magazine for June. ]
A MOTHERS CONFESSION.
CONTINUED FROM OUR LAST.

I was utterly prostrated when walked
up to perception Of outward things again,
too weak to talk, or think much, even but
it struck me strangely, after day or two,
that | saw no signs of the baby's presence
any where. The nurse rarely left my bed
side. never heard cry of the child
and once, when the inner door that led
from my room to the one which had been
little Walters nursery was opened, | caught
a glimpse Of the cradle, looking still as
unused and desolate as it had done ever
since he died. I said nothing at first, be-
ing too exhausted to think much about it
but the next day | was stronger, and, see
ing still no token of the baby, l asked the
nurse where it was.
She tried to put me off with subterfuge
"Never mind the baby" she said ''you
are too i'll to think about it now. It does
very we'll without you"
"But where is it? l want to see it."
| persisted; for something in her manner
excited suspicion.
"Oh, you are not nearly strong enough
yet" she exclaimed, hastily. DIR. Gray
would not think of allowing it."
II do not care for Or. Gray" I said,
with tone Of my old Snperiousness. 81
know what am strong enough for. Bring
me my child p
The woman hesitated for a moment, and
repeated my command then she got up
without speaking and left the room. A
e minute afterward she came back, and said,
: with an attempt at playfulness
: "The baby is asleep, Mrs. Granger and
i that's just where you ought to be, too. So
o shut your eyes and try to take a nap. 1t
will be time enough to see the child when
g you wake"
IT 81 shall do no such thing" exclaimed
h impatiently. "You are keeping something
IS back from me, know. Tell me the truth
!; at once. Is my baby dead?'
e She made me no answer in words, but
g the look in her face told enough. turned
away from her and buried my head in the
h pillows, and wept silently. Why7 was i
is simply physical weakness, or did l regre
IN the child's death ? | scarcely knew my
to self, then !; but from that time, throug hou
IT. all my slow and tedious recovery, a year
OF ming for the little one whose face | had
oa never seen possessed my soul. The nurs'
10 told me it was little girl; | had wished
ne sometimes before its birth-in those mood
ms when l felt reconciIed to its coming at al
ut that it might be; and used to lie 70
IS hours together, when the nurse though
or me asleep, dreaming about my little daugh
or ter, trying to picture her in my mind, anc
rs wondering how l should have felt for he
ce had she lived / remembered what ha
OF said to Norman, that Il wished l coul
= never see her face" and the recollectio
ng added many pang to my hidden sorrow
My husband came to see me constantl
ny and kindly, passing several hours of eac
en- day in my sick-room, but we said very Ii
ne tie to each other. He always asked N
ed when he came in, <s how felt to-day ~
his with the same taaslerness in look andvoice
we and l always answered with the same coll
!st, ness, Better I. thank you" And
tie usually took a book after that, and res
len while he sat beside me- Sometim
om he offered to read aloud to me, but {
lad ways declined. The reading alone wou
hat have been an infinite relief to the wearine
lch of my confinement, and the very sound
his his voice, continuous and uninterrupte
am would have been as music to my ears. B
but my wilful pride would not suffer me to a
by cept the pleasure. | was afraid of it tc
aph perhaps afraid lest in listening SO 10
ays to the voice so loved, even though it spo
out the words of another, my heart should
ave softened, and l should forget my reso
hrst ton. So | resisted all the pleading
be pulses of my better nature, all the yea
ally ings of my Loneliness, and kept the sa
ing outward demeanor of GOODNESS and reser
es- 1.-The fire burned" within often; passi
the ate love and regret unspeakable longi
we're mingled with fierce yindictiveness an
ex- sullen pride that still struggled for the n
ting. terry. 1 used to lie amongthe pillows "
'hen my eyes half shut, pretending to sleep,
'tely secretly watching Norman's face as
,o'n- read, unconscious Of my scrutiny. 81
ome- led every feature, noted every fitting sh
of expression-the calm, proud brow,
state deep-set eyes, full of earnest purpose
the worn cheeks, paler and thinner than |
is ar had been when my lips touched them
inced the grave, sad mouth so sad, yet