Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1858-07-15
SAM sTAcKpoLE,s aDvENTURE.
BY SIMON sUeGs, JR.

BY SIMON SUGGs, JR.
"You never heard tell of my molasses
candy adventure, did you, Squire 2" said
stackpole TO me, when called at his house
to take the census of his family. 1 shook
my head, and he preceded: II speculate
it was rather wonderful affair, and if
Sally there would tell it, you would expre-
cate it certain. / was courtin Sally at
the time and in love up to my eyes. But
her old daddy was opposed to me out and
out. And he was stupenous man-the.
crossest ugliest old varmint that ever wore
spectacles, and often wondered how Sal
ly could be such charming little creature
with such crusty old fellow for father.
She was magnum bonum gal sure, at
that time; little faded now, you see, but
that's to be expected. Beauty's Only skin
deep, but ugliness goes to the bone.
"Well, one day went to town and
bought whole heap of fancy doings, rib
bons, beads, goose-grease for the hair, ct
cetera and SO forth. | was determined to
coax her up, and putting my purchases
snugly in bundle, locomoted towards
her daddy's house, true as rifle. =
alt was rather late when | arrived, and
old Scraggs was billing some merlasses can
dy for Sally to peddle the next day-there
bein' show in town-Sally and her mann
my hayin retired.
'The fust thing done, however, arter
enterin, and old Scraggs had stared at me a
few, was to sit right down in a pan of hot
merlasses, he'd put on cheer to cool, which
made me jump and howl amazin Ginger
bread how it burnt! But as he didn't
see the accident l squatted on Sally's band
box whichocontained her Sunday bonnet
not noticen-and then went to rubin like
sixty six! Well, arter I'd sot there spell
groanin to myself, and wonderin how much
damage I'd done, the old man gave me
another terrific look and said: 80 r,-.s
"Sam Stackpole, what have you cum
here arter-say
"Mr. Scraggs," sez I, not DARN to stir
for fear he'd see my perdicament, "Ive
come here on very important business, (Oh
Lordy! how them merlasses smarted J and
if you'll keep your ebenezer down about five
minutes, I'll endeayor to inform you with
that degree of accuracy that I'm so pre-
eminently and conspicuosly developed.
"The old fellow didn't understand that
ar powerful language, and in course he did
not say nothing, and so kept as easy as
l possibly could and went on.
"Perhaps," seq /, "you've noticed that
l have bee payin numerous attenshus to
your darter, and l am gratifed to state
with infinite popularity. Now, if you'll
give me Sally, III vote for you for Cover
ner, and leave the country if you aims
elected. f.- a.7 Ea
"Well, arter I'd delivered myself in that
ar benevolent style, what do you think the
old codger's reply was9 Why, instead Of
saying take Sally, and welcome, he actual
ly pinted to the door and told me th scat
ter! l vow I got out of all patience then
sure, and didn't care then what occurred
if Sally's bonnet was smashed.
"Mr. Scraggs," sez l, 81 should be happy
to oblige you, but the fact is, I sot down
hare and can't leave no how, unless you cut
a hole in my trowsers."H 49,.
"When the old man seed how L was
stuck fast as sot, he jist coched up the
hull pot of candy off the fire, and emptied
it all over my head and shoulders, true as
Pm alivel Jehu! how the stuff made me
caper and holler! But was SO mad that
l grappled great COB and let him have it
bitf-rite tween the eyes.
''There, take that" sez I, you old flop
cared piece of deformityp' And then
started for the door-direct. I jist got it
open, ready to dart, when old Mrs. Scraggs
burst into loud laugh, and Sally spoke
fur the fust time.
aSam Stackpole," sez she, "hold! My
band box and your pantaloons are annex
ed.
"Jerusalem," seq I, and I leaped, I must
, been awful skeered, fur 1 landed at least
,wenty feet outside the house and run like
prairie fire. l never looked behind me till
next morning, and when I did the kiver Of
he band box was sticken fast to my trow-
,ers.
"That was my merlasses candy adveu-
lure, Squire, and right hot it was. But I
married Sally at last. The old man gave
n, arter while, and now you can reckon
Up the family in your sinsus as you please"