The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1858-02-24


gutter. Sam had laughed himself al
most to death.
Disclosures Of an Old Maid.
may safely say that the organ Of
mirthfulness has been the cause of most
of the lnisfortunes of my life. While
still child l exhibited the propensity
Of laughing at anything which struck
me as being ludicrous, no matter when
or where it was.
At one time l went to funeral with
my mother. 1t was the funeral of
young lady who was very much below.
ed, and of course lamented. Every one
was in tears, when on turning towards
window, saw two men sitting side by
side, one Of whom was noted for his
length Of nose, the other because he
had none. 1t was too much for my
risibles. Ichoked. coughed, sneezed-
but it would not do !: laugh l must. and
laugh l did. Suddenly shadow fell
across my eyes, and 1eshy protuber-
ance, resembling barbed hook travel
ed some distance across my nose and l
heard these words pronounced in my
ear:
"Child you may be the next victim to
the fell destroyer.
This completed my overthrow. and
my mother shaking me violently by the
shoulders took me home, declaring that
l should never go anywhere again till l
knew how to behave myself.
When went to school the same fate
followed me. Ireceived more repri-
mands and more punishments than any
other six pupils. Once, when my teach
er had been scolding me, and was just
granting pardon, l looked up and per-
ceived the remains of a pinch of snuff
adhering to the end of his nose. Then.
alas Woe was me that day.
When our committee came to school
was always watching my masters
great hands and feet. and the awkward
way he had of rolling his eye and hang.
ing out his tongue and many are the
whippings received over the schools
baci. l laughed my way from Z g'rlhood
to maidenhood. At leny 9Th there came
a time to me, as there comes to all,
when was in love.
Edward Peyson was youth whom
any lady might be proui to love. He
was gentle and kind, and for time
was able to control my laughing genius
while with him. My parents really hop
ed that | had begun to improve.
One evening he was unusually sober
l unusually gay. He wished to con-
verse soberly; would not aud tried to
prevent him from doing So. Tae more
sober and grave he became. the higher
my spirits, till a: length l was above
the .arth-,he clouds dancing about in
The broad expanse Of air. leaped from
one airy castle to another. till At length
my lover. tired and no doubt disguised
said:
Amelia" he said in husky voice.
II had hoped that you were the one u
control my des,inies. one who would be
my companion through life's thick maze
IA friend-a wife. But see my mis-.
take. l am friendless and alone, and
must remain SO. Forgive me for think.
ing to tame your wild, free spirit. You
have said it j. useless-I believe it,
Farewell; hereafter we meet but as
friends"
Twas amazed-thunderstruck bu he
was gone. often met him after wards
but lie was reserved and l was always
gay and trivial in his presence. Oh
woman, thon arr all eni sma! When
thou feelest most deeply. thou seemes'
most gay !! When thou lowest most,
thou seemess to scorn.
Then came another lover, light head.
ed as myself. He was always joking,
always gay. People said. "What q
match! !" and looked upon the thing az
setlled. One evening he came to me
with very solemn countenance, and
said:
! "Amelia have an idea in my head. ~
Don't it feel funny ?" said /, which
SO friyh ened the poor man that lie was
not able 10 finish. In like manne,
have stopped two or three confessions
Thus you see that my propensity fol
making fun has made me what am
a lonely old maid. / have not mournee
my flesh off on that account, however
on the contrary, have Laughed and
grown fat"
| But still if some machine could b.
invented to keep my countenance whil'
listen to another declaration. woule
be most happy to receive both the ma
chine and the declaration.
re- A man called upon a lawyer tn.
other day, and began to state his cas-
in rather an abrupt manner. Sir,
Lave come to you for advice I'm
husband -in-law = "A what 2 spok
ou, the learned counsel. 'Husband-il
law, SIR Il have never seen that de
fined in domestic relations Don
you know what IL husband-in-l law is p
t Sir, YOU'RE no lawyer you're an igno
ramus; am a husband-in-law, but nc
in Jact. sir--my wite's run off,
! Es-A statue of Christopher Colum
bus has been begun in the centre {
that oli Exchange in Genoa where til
/ commerce OF all Europe used 10 be re
$ gula.ed when the great sailor gave
~