Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-04-21
Fact, Fancy and Fun.

Why is dancing Ike new milk ?
Because it strengthens the calves.
-Picty and pride can no more thrive
together than health and sickness, light
and darkness.
WAY should a little man beware
of marrying d bouncing widow? Be
cause he might be called ',the widows
mite"
u am thy fathers spirit," as the
bottle said to the boy, when he found
it hid in the woodpile, and wondered
what it was
There's man living near the Falls
OF Niagara who is 50 hard of hearing
that it takes Sledge-hammer to break
q secret to him.
"A witness was asked how he knew
the parties to beman and wife. "Cause
L heard the gentleman blow the lady
up, was the reply.
-''Tommy, my son, what is lonei-
tude? % GA clothes line, daddv.''-
'Prove it, my SON. because it
stretches from pole to pole.''
If you cannot inspire woman
with love ofyou, fill her above the brim
with love Of herself; all that runs over
will be yours.
-'.Alrs. Grimes, lend me your tub"
Cant do it-aIl the hoops are off:-it's
full OF suds-besides, | never had one
i washes in barrel
There was man in Kentucky so
stOne-blind that he was cured only by
having his eyes taken out and mounted
as pair Of Brazilian pebbles.
An Albany paper says that there
is a man In Greenbush who believes in
rotation of crops. One year he raises
nothing, the next year weeds.
There's a man in New Orleans,
with such a tarnation wooden head,
that he IS obliged to use a iack-plane
whenever he is in want of shaving.
A parish clerk, after reading the
banns of matrimony, was followed by
the clergyman, who gave out the hymn
'Mistaken souls that dream of heaven!"
"A man who had a severe fall was
asked by surgeon, shave you sprain-
ed yourself near the fdulaH' sNo sir"
answered he, ''near the naarket-place."
A drunken Dutchman, by the name
OF Cain, staggering through the streets
one day, was asked if he was the man
who slew his brother? ''No," said he,
Il was the one that got slowed"
Tom, why am de belubed of my
heart, Miss Dinah, de sunf1ower oh de
bill, like kind oh cloth dey make in
LoWell?' Il don't know niggea-whv ."
Cease she's an at7ablcached she ting"
-"Have you dined ?" said lounger
to his friend II have upon my hon
Or replied he. "Then," rejoined the
first, you have d1aed upon y0ssr hoaa-
or, / fear you have made but a scanty
meal"
-"Call that kind man % said an
actor, speaking of an acquaintance, "a
man who is away from his family and
ilNfSl SSiitio lilSlli al 1dl Iflll0 Sall lIliJ
kindness?" Unremittiiaag kindness,''
chuckled wag.
One who knows SAYS. if YOU would
succeed with the girls, keep as tidy as
possible. A man with dirty boots and
ungroomed hair stands 10 more chance
with the feminine gender than q bob
tailed horse in fiy-time
They have man in Mississippi SO
lean that he makes no shadow at ALL
A rattlesnake struck at his leg six times
in vain, and retired in disgust. He
makes all hungry who looks at him,
when children meet him in the street,
they run home crying for bread
The editor Of the Raleigh, North
Carolina, Whig was lately presented by
some unknown parsonage with a Bible.
He is iii a quandary as to whether the
donor intended the gift as a rebuke for
his sinfulness, or reaeor0 for his 1oi-
ETY..
Deacon L. Of Maine, speaking,
the other day, of his early years, re-
marked that although he was a boy
when the American Revolution com
yet he remembered all about
received his information
from his father, who kept the run of pub
lie affairs bGinCr - tE2cffy.g,, JiIoyf:,,oD