Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-04-14

her to gain her love would so in my
shirt tail to the ends Of the earth.-
Well, she kinder puckered up her
mouth, and looking at me, said:
''Look-a-here, Yorker, have you
mind to go home with me II night?"
ooh, my charming, divine Hebe," re-
turned I, ''that would be too much
biss''
"Pshaw.." replied she, ssno bliss at all
about. Kin you bundle, say?''
"Bundle!" said I, somewhat puzzled,
II don't know as | ever tried it. l. it
hard to do?''
"Hard." returned she, with a merry
grin, ''wel, no-not as I knows on
most young feliers finds it asyenough."
"Well,'' - says |, <'s'pose you can learn
me, can't YOU"
"Why, yes" she replied, ''but pears
to me, ify You amt poEin' sticks at me,
You are behint tie age. Don't they
bundle in York;"
Il never heard that they did," I an
swered, ''an1 20 tell YOU the truth, |
really don't know what the points
are"
"Weu," said she, ''never mind,
you are goin' to hook on to me when
we go home, jest mind your eye and
Will learn you how to bundle"
We'll, to make a long story short,
just before daylight, my charmer and
went dashing home III great style. On
arriving there, I went ii, OF course, and
She took me in a square room, where
was q fire and BID. Holy Moses,
thought !, into whose hands have | fall
len?' 1t was her bed room. Oh, Eve,
Eve, you horrible first apple eater! how
the sex takes to it naturally! Well,
she got off her hat and set down to warm
her feet. After a while she fixed her
eyes on me, and said in a tone of min
gled wonder and dissatisfaction:
"W hat in the name Of all that's nat
ural, are you about, Yorker? Are you
goin' to sit gawkin' there all night
say? OFF with them ere muddy boots,
to wons't, and Git ready to bunalen'
"Why," said [, totally unable to n-
derstand her, Smust take off my boots
before I can bundle?''
"Why, thunderatjon, YES, yer great
skert caffn' she exclaimed, you can't
get into bed with your boots on, can
you!"
''Bed?" queried I, beginning to grow
alarmed, ''eXcuse me, | don't under
stand you I'd rather not bundle,
fits all the same to you. I amt well,
II want to go to York to night, the
worst kind!''
"You do, hcy?" said she snappishly,
''well if you stir one peg out Of this ere
Shanty till you've bundled, I'll set the
dogs on you! Come, get ready to bun
die! Off with them boots or it will be
wuss for you.''
ooh, heavens, spare me, my dear
young ladyr' I exclaimed.
Il wOn't,' said she, edo yer 'spose
I'm a gnin' to be fooled that way?-
Everybody does it in Jarsey, and I
know they do it in New York, too
You can't cheat me, you mean cuss
mebbey they call it some other name,
though,'
Wen, had to take off my boots,
and then she insisted on my getting in
to bed with her. She was already
there.
ooh, Lord!'' exclaimed I, 4 must
90 ont. I am lroa1fal sick at the stom-
ach. [ don't want to bundle! | told you
! didn't know h0w!'
She got mad as turkey cock, and
jumping ont Of bed she ope..e. lnv tiu0r
and called for Bouncer and WOLF and
| made 3 break for the door. [ was in
my socks, but few over the sol! li!lo
the wind. The dogs were 50 close that
I could feel their teeth IL imagination.
Presently one seized the skirt Of my
coat, and off it came, Of comse. Iney--
er slackened my speed, but shortly az
forwards a mouthfi1l of pantaloons was
seized, and, oh.'horro?, HAT went the
way OF my coat tail. BY this time the
demon was aroused within me, and |
yelled like an Indian, and turned like q
hunted stag, I stood at bay, grappled
With the Meaga~t '.r.ce, and we came to
the mud together, Over and over we
went, growing, swearing. tearing and
riprirE. R@aeaas Of dog-hair, and
sh,els ot miscellaneous clothing were
all mixed up together, and .I5sSt as [
had given up to die, a friendly knife
was put into the brute's throat ~ nv
chm, who had opportuneiy come alon&
from some house where he hai been
bundling. We quickly dispatched the
other dog, and then in an awful plight
I had to walk three miles, "woak and
wounded, sick and sore," before we
cot to a PLACE OF shelter Inever went
back. Twas determined not to encoun-
ter the Jersey Venus again, and never
did. Since that time have been more
fearful OF woman than Of a she bear
robbed of her cubs. 1t dosn't make a
bit of difference where they hail from,
they are all alike. I am afraid of them
all. Sometimes when think OF mar
ried life, and wonder if ever | will come
to that, an awful sound smites my ear,
and BUNDLE drives it out Of my mind
altogether
eWell, Smith," said I, II thank you
for your narrative, but you might have
better luck next time.'' ''Neverl'' ex-
| oIoi,oad he emDbaticaIly and he left