Nebraska advertiser., 1858-11-11
written expressly for the Advertiser.l
"C0PY RIGHT SECURED"
Ye NeWe NOVele-A TragiCk StOrye.
By YE RUSTY cUss.
YE FIRST.

CHAPTER YE FIRST.
Our interchangeable and worthy friend
Spokendike, hearing of the new law for
the non-collection of debts, proceedeth at
once to the house of his friend Snifles
to dun the said Snifnes for the lawful
sum of four dollars and eighty-seven and
a half cents, justly due to the said Spo-
kendike.
cHAPTER YE SECOND.
Reaching those domicilatory accommo-
dations wherein the fraudulent and i'm
pudent Snifles drew the o~xygenated luxu-
ry of the ETHEREAL air into his ~diabolical
lungs, and thereby vegetated; he entered
the door and stood before the entire
Snifles family, consisting of the recreant
debtor, Mrs. Snifles, and eleven juvenile
Snifles, ranging from ten months to if
teen years of age. all being dressed in
yellow dresses, and having yellow hair,
freckled faces, moist noses, and rheumy
eyes.
YE THIRD.
'Now comes the tug of war. 10 Wesley.
Mr.. ~Spokendike drew himself up to his
full stature by the aid of his boot straps,
and settleing his double chin down into
the unexplored regions of his two-story
shirt collar, corrugated his eyebrows, and
in a very ~brigandish look, said in an
earthquakeian voice, that trembled with
unuttersble rage: "Mr. Snifies, pay me
four dollars and eighty-seven and a half
cents" Whereupon Mr.. Snifles piously
and meekly replied in a voice indicative
of all the finer feelings: "Mr. Spoken
dixie, the laws of Nebraska do not war-
rant you in making such an ungentleman-
w attack upon me, and that too in my
own house,"
Mr.. Spokendike-"Mr. Snif1es, you,
sir, are a swindler, a knave, a ~defrauder,
a cheat, and a robber, sir"
Mr.. Snif1es-"You are a liar and a
coward, sir"
"Mr. specialization be Id
sir"
And then!!!!
CHAPTER YE R
Ee-ssThed death shot Kissing from affair."
i The shOck-the shout-theg roan Of war
Reverberate along that vale
More suited to the shepherds tale
Though few the numbers-their's the strife
: That nPither spares nor speaks for life"
From an oDed to freedom BIZ We Rev
-r. Rife BeecheT, Esq.
: Mr.. Snifles swung his dexter manipu.
: lator with titanic force into the stomach.
can regions of the corporeal economy Of
y ~Spokendike, and drew therefrem a groar
/ of anguish, while he at the same time
aroused therein a most reasonable case o.
5 fatulent cholic. But the nerve and cou
: rage of S~pokeEdike was not wanting, re
covering his centre of gravity, he drew
up his right pedal perambulator to al
. angle of forty-fve degrees, and propelled
e that fearful integumentary covering O
y the human foot, known as the brogar
e boot, into close and startling proximity
i with the extreme portion of the lowe
d posterior dorsal vertebre of the some
e what embarrassed Snifles. But what boot
it that the cowardly creditor should thu
K boot a strong and warlike debtor. Mr.
: SnifBes returned to the charge. with th,
b strength of a Sampson and indomitabl,
n ferociiy ola Pawnee brave. He graspet
d the unfortunate Spokendke in a fearfull'
peculiar manner, by inserting his terribl,
thumb (Which was about the size Of /
i short piece of a large bologna sausage,
y in the mouth of ~Spokendike, and hi
crowbar-like foreinger in his left eve
IS and then deposited lick after lick of hi
pOnderOus dexter manupllator on an
about the nasal protuberance that adorn
ed the comedy features of his unfertunat,
creditor. The elaret flowed therefrom
Is and sundry teeth were consigned from tn
:. mouth Of the aforesaid Spokendike 10 a
g untimely grave in his ~capacious stomac
/ In short the valorous S~pOkendlke wa
le whipped, faxed, cleaned out, and Snifle
was victorious. Taking the almost life
less form Of the creditor to the door, h
L kicked it ANONYMOUSLY into the stree