Nebraska advertiser., 1858-01-07
Fun and Fancy.

a goose in Dutch Oven-always on the
spit.
If a woman holds her tongue, it is only
from fear that she cannot ''lSeep her
own"
He loves you better who strives tc make
you good, than he who strives to please
you.
a dentist advertises that be "spares
no palms. to render bis operations satis-
factory.
We have seen q woman not only too
weak to eat food, but even too weak to
bear contradiction.
Industry must prosper" as the man
said when holding the baby for his wife to
chop wood.
The Diuan-The place where the Sui
tan's pipe is regularly put out BY the Eu-
ropean powers.
Why is room fun of married ladies
like ain empty room Because there is
not single one in il.
A Tilted chemist finds love to be compo-
sed of fifteen parts of gold, three of fame
and two of affection.
Carlyle says: Make yourself an no.
nest man, and then you may be sure there
is one rascal less in the world"
slim, how does the thermometer stand
to-day?" "Why, ours stands on the
mantel-piece, right agin' the plaster
ing"
Men who boast loudly that they ne.
yer show quarter, are certain, in times
of danger 10 show none but their hind
ones:
A tailor who, in skating fell through
the ice, declared that he would never
again leave hot goose for a cold
duck.
Some one, commencing Philip Of Ma
cedon for drinking freely +; "That," said
Demosthenes, sis good quality in a
sponge, but not in 4 king"
The man who was "moved to tears, !"
complains of the dampness of the premi-
ses, and wishes to be moved back again.
An Irishman tells of fight in which
there was but one whole nose left in the
crowd, "and that belonged TO the tay.ket-
tle."
There is chap out West, with hair so
red, that when he goes out before day he
is taken for sun rise, and the cocks begin
to crow.
An English paper gives an account of
a party of sixty old women, who were
the mothers of eight hundred and sixty
nine children.
A house in Philadelphia was lately set
on fire by some rats. They ignited a
quantity of matches in drawer, and set
the kitchen on fire.
A late religious paper stigmatizes the
authors of yeltow-covered novels as elite
fary scorpions, who sting Virtue to death
by their tales"
The Oldest mennonite curiosity is, that a
woman who never knows her own age,
knows to half an hour that of all her fe-
male friends.
At a late Hen Convention, finding it
difficult to raise the price of eggs, the
feathered tribes resolved for the future to
lay only ten eggs to the dozen.
How much more difficult is it to get a
woman out on wet Sunday than on wet
week day. Can the shut shops have any,
thing to do with thisl
impertinent fellow wants to know if
you ever sat down to tea where SKINNED
milk was un the table, without being ask
ed, "Do you take cream?"
A printer, in setting up "we are but
parts of stupendous whole, fby mistake
of a letter, made it read 1--WE are but parts
of stupendous whale"
"What boxes govern the world 2" ask
ed New York paper. 1t ansN cred
the question thus: "The cartridge box,
the ballot box, the jury box, and the band
box"
The Indians give each other very sig.
nifcant names. Lieutenant Hooper, o.
the Arctic Expedition, found a woman a
Fort Simpson, whose name was Thirty
six Tongues"
The danger is ever with us that we re
fer our actions, thoughts, and feeling, II
the idolized standard of public opinion
We believe too much in association, AM
too little in ourselves.
An Irishman was building a wall threr
feet high and four broad, and on bein,
asked why he builded il SO broad, replied
"Sure, sir, when it falls It will be foe
higher than at first"
What more precious Offering can B
laid upon the altar of a mans heart tha
! the first love Of pure, earnest, and affeC
: tionste girl, with an individual intere:
; in eight corner lots and four three.stor
.. houses.
1t appears that. during the last fou
years, we imported one hundred an
I eighty-foar millions more Of merchandi7
d than were exported, and sent out Of II
= country one hundred and eighty-six nj
lions more than came into It.