The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-10-16
From the New-YorK Commercial Adscrtiser
MY WIFE'S COUSIN.

MY wIFE'S COUSIN.
Some time ago called on a cousin of my
wife who resided in the city Of Philadelphia
| had not seen him for u long time, but hav.
ing understood that he was in afiuent cir.
cumstances, was but little prepared for the
condition in which found him. Through
information derived from a Philadclphi
directory, went to one Of those alleys with
which that city abounds, and found his name
on sign board, associated with that of an
other man, over dark and dingy shop
The sign purported that they were locksmiths
and beli-hangers; also that locks were re-
paired and keys fitted. Without ceremony
walked into the gloomy recess, where there
was blacksmith's forge, and where, among
several muscular looking men up to their
nrmpits in work, was "my wife's cousin.''
lie received me most cordially, and for n
moment intermitted fling huge brass key
on which he was engaged, and the shake Of
my own dexter by ono of his broad, brawny
hands, can liken to nothing nearer than the
shock OF young earthquake.
"Take a seat, take II seat" he observed, )"
"and just rs soon as finish this key we will
make tracks for home.o
Of course replied that was in no hurry,
and ut once became interested in the faeiIs
manner in which he was metamorphosing a
rough castng into a polised key. As soon
as it was completed, he washed the worst of
the dirt from his hands, hung UP his work
apron, and then, putting on his coat and hat,
remarked, in cheerful tone, ''come, now,
cousin Aleck, let's 60 and see whether wife
has got any tea for u.s."
After we were in the street our conyersa-
tion insensibly ran on business, and | took
occasion to say to him that had been Of
the opinion that he had retired from his
trade on a handsome competency. "Don't
say word about retirement" he replied
''lt nearly makes me sick to think Of it,
People talk of retiring from business while
they are healthy and able to work why. |
tell you, Aleck, they don't know what it
means. didn't know what it meant until |
tried 1t, but no.o retirement and misery
sound, to my ears. like words of about the
same meaning
Perce!ving that he had struck a subject
on which he could easily he communicative
| looked lnquiring'y, when he reioined,
perhaps you never heard the particulars of
myretlrins.'
On my replying that had not, he pro-
ceeded, you see, Aleck, it is about three
years ago, that having, rs you would sny.
competency, made up my mind to stop
WORK ana move INTO the country. So sold
ont my share OF the business to my partner,
spent year or more in looking at tw, or
three score Of country places, and last found
one that wife and myself were considerably
pleased with. Fine double house, four acres,
beautifully shaded, vegetable garden not to
be beat, and soil Of superior quality. The
place Is still in my possession, but before
would 60 and live on it again, give it
away; yes, Aleck, I'd see it sunk in the mid
die of the Dead Sea. Bu. am getting a
little ahead of my story. For TWO or three
months matters and things went on very WELL
because | had something to attend to in
making few improvements about the house,
aud in furnishing number of the doors
with ioc.s of my own invention; but rs the
whole premises were in excellent repair when
bought them, soon came to point where
there was nothing to look after but the crl-
tivation of the garden. l wns not long,
though, IN making the discovery that had
no genius or taste either for digging around
roots, or pulling weeds, and so, Ms wife
didn't wish the garden to run to waste, |
employed regular English gardener to
carry the thing handsomely through.
well, | don't mind the expense he pat me
to IN the way Of Guaao, new tangled garden
Ing tools and patent watering apparataS;
Tor hadful!y expected to spend money, and,
thanks to our previous economy, we had the
money to spend; but, Aieck, it WAS really
very amusing to see what the fruit and veg
ct"b!es raised from our garden stood US in
Making use Of the little arithmetic was
muster of, reco!cct that | ciphcrcd up the
cost of some of the table fxings,. and the re-
suit tw"s-cucumbers, seventeen cents apiece ::
green Peas, dollar and three quarters for n
half peck; currants, ffty cents quart :;
raspberries, thirty cents pint !; bcets, four
teen cents each, and everything in propor-
ton. Al! this cared nothing about, bu,
somehow felt :hat | was out of nv gearing
in not having the right kind Of en- p!oym ent
Wite cid her best to coax me into gentle
manly ways; had the old mechanical CRIME
all thoroughly scrubbed out of my hands
hnger nails cleaned out and round Ied-so us
to make it appear that had never done man
ual labor. Then We must get behind n
couple of Morgan ponies which | had pur-
chased. and make fashionable calls in the
day time on those who had called on US !;
and wife wanted me to soften myvoice, and
to be particular about MY grammar and the
subjects talked on; but sometimes forget
ting myself would revcl in the proud mem
DRY of the locks and KEYS | had handled in
happier days, and commence history of
my exploits in tha: line, when wife would look
MS though she was going to sink through
the toor. In fact, she wished to keen Il
perpetual lock on my lips, $50 fur rs our
N n rts a. y.
in her pocket. BIZ, sighed for tho shop,
and time hung SO easily on my hands that
an hour spent in stupid listlcssness abou,
the house seemed longer to me than q dav
did, when had orders ahead for locks, and
was driving hard to get them finished at
given time. My youngest brother, who is
college bred man and q lawyer, sent me, at
my request, fine collection of books on all
imaginable subjects, so that my library out
shone that Of the parson, or indeed any
other man in the place; but found /
had no more taste TO sit down and read than
l had for trimming currant bushes. Time
was, after had finished hard days labor
at the shop, when an hour at books was a
real xolace, and also believed, an occasion
of Improvement. Then | enyied those
whose leisure allowed to feast on books per
pctually; but the mistake made was in
failing to discriminate between men.a!
habits and requirements of the professional
student, and those of the working man.
'In this wretched condition did time at
my country seat drag heavily along. Visit.
Ing was perfect bore, for, not feeling the
slightest interest in such masculine topics
Ms corn, grain, and manure, and caring less
for the feminine ones Of dress and local
gossip, l did not know what to talk about.
Books set me to sleep, and, not having the
society Of my two boys. who were at board
ing school, became fully satisfied that mo
thing to do was equal to having everything
to suffer.
'My most delightful place of resort was
blacksmi'h's shop some two miles from the
house, whero occasionally would handle
the hammer and clang little on the anvil,
hut wife, making the discovery one day that
my hands were getting grimmy again, was
obliged to own up the cause of it and this
to my sorrow was succeeded b4 nosi,ive
prohibition on her part from my taking any
further exercise at the forge. After this,
when ! would sometimes ride pas. the shop
behind my prancns Morgan horses, the
tears would start in NV cves Mt NV h.;,r