Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1858-08-18
DoEsTICKs ON LAGER BEER.

experiment whether or not Lager is intoXlcat-
ing. He and his friend Damphooi entered a
Saloon. The rest we give in his own words:
ssAfter long search we found two chairs
which were not pre-empted by Dutchmen, but
the smoke was SO thick, we had to cut little
air holes with our jack-knves, before we could
see to sit down, without getting into some
body's bier mug. Then in German we thump-
ed on the table vigorously, till German lady
loomed through the tobacco fog, and finally
answered our summons. Some of her playful
countrymen had just baptized her with bier
slops, and she was now dripping from the re-
cent flood, and as wet as if she had been out
in shower of Lager without an umbrella.
ssDamphool gave her feeble wink, and said
sZwei' whereupon she brought us with her own
fair hands two mugs of the beverage known as
sLager,' and stood waiting with her hands on
her lips-thought she wanted to enter into con-
versation, so by way of making myself agree
able, winked as Damphool had, and also said
'zwei-thought szweT was term OF endear-
ment. She deserted us for instant, and
came back with two more mugs of bier. i'm
agined OF course szwei' meant darling and
that she had misunderstood me-attempted to
explain in manner following szwei, zwei,'
said |, sno more bier, but zwei,' after which
lucid explanation; she vanished and brought
two more mugs, at which Damphool stopped
laughing long enough to tell me she would
keep bringing pint doses of Lager as long as
continued to remark sZRei,' which he inform
ed ME meant stwo glasses of Lager, and be in
hurry about it, he said also that the reason
she did not leave when she had served us, was
because she wanted her change-paid her the
money-thanked my friend for his gratuitOus
lesson in German, and began to drink.
ssThe first glass seemed like sour strong beer
with a good deal of water In it, the next was
not quite sour, and the next one tasted as
though the original beer had been stronger and
they had not diluted it so much. Then We
rested, and as had drank three pints already,
l was willing to quit, but Damphool assured
me Lager isn't intoxicating,' so after little
settling down, l thought / could hold another
glass, and ordered it it was bro't by young
lady who seemed to have four eyes and two
noses, pointing in different directions, which
effect was undoubtedly caused by smoke.
ssThen l thought I'D have glass of Lager
"a liquid known to most of the inhabitants of
Manhatten.) Itwas brought by girl so pret-
ty that Immediately ordered two more, and
kept her waiting for the change each time so
could look at her-then we had some cheese
full of holes then we took some Lager to fill
up the holes then we took some sausage /;
Damphool suggested that the sausage was made
of dog; took some Lager TO drown the dog !;
then we had some sardines; Damphool said it
would be cruel to keep the fishes without
supply OF the liquid element, so We had some
Lager for the fishes to swim in /; then We had
some pretzels; DamphOol said the pretzels
were crooked that they would not pack
close, so we had some Lager to fill up the
chinks; then l made a speech to the compa
ny; short but to the point, and was received
with great applause-it was addressed to the
whole crowd and was to this effect: seen
tlemen, let's have some LagerP
"By this time my friend by some mysterious
process became mysteriously multiplied, and
| there were fifty Damphools and they all accep-
ted the invitation and we had the Lager; there
were forty glasses, and in trying to make the
circuit of the room and touch my glass to eve
ry one of theirs l fell over table which very
impertinently stepped before me as l went
down ! knocked a small Dutchman into the
corner, then l fell over him, then partially
recovered myself and sat on his head, then l
got up and stepped on his stomach, then de-
manded an instant apology, then called for
six glasses of Lager, and the girl brought them
all in one hand l tried to take them all in
one hand and broke three; then l tried TO
drink out of the remaining three all at once,
and in so doing took an involuntary shower
bath then L tried to pay for the whole fifty
glasses and the damage with dime and a
spanish quarter and demanded that she should
give me my change in gold dollars there
seemed to be some difficulty about this, and if
hadn't known that Lager isn't intoxicating
should have thought the man was drunk"