The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1858-05-27

meut, IrOm winch, IN my own 0p1n1on, 1 always g01r
the advantage-though 1 must confess that 1 Am
occasionally overborne by q torrent of words, especi
ally when some friendly ~neighbor espouses my wife's
side OF the question. In such cases l beat a hasty
upon the position of the enemy under more favorable
auspices.
My wife detests founces, (she is too stout to wear
them,) has no hankering after " moire antique
and only knows of I" Honiton'' by having seen ii
mentioned in our daily paper. To be sure she doesn't
believe all the criticism upon the fashions which she
sees in that paper, and she even goes so far as to say
that she has no idea that the editor himself believes
them. I think she is hardly just to the editor-a
very clever fellow by-the-way, who never NEEDLES
with any thing but politics, except Church matters,
ladies' dresses, and 6sh-and who never gets into
trouble as long as he sticks to politics and fish.
But to return to the black silk dress. Some years
ago Il don't care to remember how many.) under the
influence Of an excess of affection and a delusion in
regard to my financial prospects, | had made a rash
promise to purchase such an article for her especial
use and adornment; but had coupled the promise
with the important proviso, "some time" We had
previously canvassed the relative merits of calicoes,
cashmeres, silk and satins, and had decided that one
good silk dress was worth half a dozen of any of the
others, not only for its present purpose but as being
more available in its later stages for the decoration
Of the young scions of our house, and a sly hint was
thrown out that a spare " breadth" out of the skirt
might be very useful in refacing any coat of mine
that might stand in need of that operation. The
"some time,' before alluded to has not yet arrived,
and from present appearances it is as far off as when
the promise was made. Still, it fingers in my wife's
memory, and she occasionally brings it to my mind
among, I fear, many other u~nfulflled promises.
elm regard to the dress, you may depend upon
having it sc some time but the treasures of which l
was speaking are not exactly available for that pur-
pose at present, 1 replied; but l can easily convince
you that we are possessed of them. Are there not
seven rosy-cheeked cherubs Cat least you call them
SO when they are not in ~mischieR,) now sleeping in
happy Inconsistencies of money and its attendant
evils, each one of them worth its weight in golds-
I've heard you say so many a time. Now at a
v.41o~oxa <.-a% <kn- ELL - Efu rnrrnyc
apiece. Even California gold is worth two hundred
dollars a pound. So we have three hundred and fifty
pounds of cherubs at two hundred dollars a pound,
which, according to simple multiplication. makes
seventy thousand dollars worth of those little heaven
ly bodies alone"
Nonsense, Persy''-
"Oh but it isn't nonsense. There it is, figured
according to your own estimate, and q very pretty
little sum it makes to begin the world with. Now,
my dear, what Is my love"
This was n poser. My wife looked up in n haze of
blank establishment as her mind grasped the idea,
and l trembled for fear she might say g nothing,"
and thus overturn the whole ground work of my
theory. But as soon as she had swallowed the idea
and mentally digested it, she replied,
"Why don't you ask me what the air is worth ?
for I could dispense with one as well as the other.''
I thanked my wife for the compliment, and con-
graduated myself that she had drawn no worse COM
parison between my love and the air; and continued
"Well, then, what do you consider the air worth ~
"I shan't answer any such foolish question; for, if
you go on with your calculations you'll make us out
millonaries."
.That's what 1 intend to do; and 1 think I am
safe in putting down the love at a hundred thousand.
Then, there is my honor, which Is worth at least as
much as the love-
1--WE no doubt of it, interrupted my wife
For You wouldn't value the one without the
other. So there you have the sum total of three items
alone-cherubs, seventy thousand; love, a hundred
thousand; and honor as much more, making the
snug sum of more than a quarter of a million of dol
lars, to say nothing of other items that might be
mentioned, and which would perhaps double the
amount. besides cash on hand amounting to one dol
lar and seventeen cents"
1 paused here for my wife to appreciate the full
force of my reasoning, (she is a little slow at igures,)
and when she had time to turn the whole subject in
her mind, I asked,
"what have you to say to that?'
All [ have to say to that replied my wife, 9 is,
that 1 wouldn't advise you to set up a carriage on
the strength of your property. And IL l thought We
were worth a quarter of that sum. I wouldn't mend
such a looking stocking at this" Saying which, she
held up the stocking of our eldest girl, minus the
heel and two-thirds of the toe, with a large rent near
the top of the leg.
And then look at that, and that, and that she
continued, as she successfully presented for inspection
the various articles which constitute the juvenile
and | must confess that, seen through that
medium, my imposing array of figures seemed scarce
ly large enough to fill one of the smallest rents
among the multitude. Still l fondly hoped that my
calculations had a tendency TO raise my wife's spirits,
and | was unwilling that she should sink back into
that slough of darning-needles and yarn. So 1 con-
timed the subject.
"Clothes, my dear, especially in the case of chill
dren, are a mere matter of form, a blind adherence
to the customs of society. If it cost more to wear
and patches than whole garments-if rents
and rips could be rendered fashionable, all the world
would be out at elbows. But though society turns
its nose Mt last years fashions-though love looks
askance at a seedy lover, and even the Church puts
its ban on the threadbare coat, you and / can jog on
our way regardless of frowns and favors, conscious of
that hidden treasure which gilds and ~brightens our
earthly existence.
"And then, again, compare our condition with
that of our first parents, when they had "notice to
4uit' from the Great Landlord, and first commenced
on their own account. Their wardrobe
was extremely limited, and I've no doubt Eve would
nave been very thankful for a nine-penny calico, and
Adam would not have scorned good satinet, even
though the cut of the garments had been n few
months old. For however rural a 6g-leaf suit might
appear. it is not exactly adapted for general use,
especially with the thermometer at zero. And I
ion't think that a lady of your weight in the COM
nunity would appear to advantage in that primitive
style of dress"
Perseverance - exclaimed my wife, az she col
with Indignation at the idea, and laid down the
asst Of the stockings, preparatory to seeking her
nightly rest.
She never calls me Perseverance, except when ,
The IS astonished or indignant; and [ knew by the
one of her voice that it would be useless to pursue
he subject at present. So, winding up my argument J
md the little wooden clock that graces our mantle, =
addressed myself to slumber, while that murmured
SEPARATION foated on the midnight air from my wife's
lips
"Oh dear I wish I were rich ~