Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-07-14
From the Ohio State journal
Speech Of q Candidate for Congress

From the Ohio State Journal
Speech Of a Candidate for Congress.
We understand that our Representa-
tive in Congress is preparing a speech
to declaim to his constituents. He Is
somewhat inclined to spread himself in
an astonishing fashion, and will doubt
less pitch in with great cina. We find
the following model speech in one of
our exchanges, which we publish for
his benefit:
DICK DAYS SPEECH.
TELLER CITIZENS AND HossEs-This
IS day for the poperlation Of this De
strick, like a bobtailed chicken on a
rickety hen-roost, to be lookin' up. \
crisis have arriven and something's
bust. Nhar ar we? Here | is, and I'd
stand here and expirate from now till
the day of synagogue, if you'd whoop
for DAILY.
Feller Citizens-Jerusalem's to pay
and We hain't got any pitch. Our ny
periodical and maiestin canal Of crea-
ton has unshipped her rudder, and the
captains broke his neck, and the cooks
div down to the depths Of the Vastly
deep In search of dimuns. Our WIG
wants torn to pieces, like a shirt on a
bush fence, and cities Of this eve lati-
tude are vanishing in a blue fame
Are such things to be did? [ ask YOU
in the name Of the American Eagle,
who was whipped by the shargy-head-
ed lion, and now sits Oh the magnet tel
egraph, if such things is goin' to be
conglomerated? Irepeat to youin the
name Of the peacock Of Liberty, when
he's flown over the cold capped sum
mits of the rocky mountains, is We 60
ing to be extemporaneously bigoggcd
in this fashion?
sob answer me;
Let me not blush in ignorance"
AS Shakcspecl says. Shall We be BAN
boozIetied with such unmitigated I'M
consciousness? NIethinks | hear you
yelp-" No, sir, hossfy" Then 'lect
me to Congress and there will be rev
olution sartin.
Feller Citizens-If I were standing
OH the adamantinc throne of Jupiter,
and the lightnin' was fashin' round me,
I'd continue to spout. I'm full of boil
in hot lather of Mount Etny, and |
won't lie quenched! I've sprung aleak,
and must howl like bear with a sore
head. Flop together-.ump into ranks
and bear me thru.
! Ieller CitizenS-You know me, and
rub ne out with mill garb, if I won't
stick to You like brick-dust to bar of
soap. Where's my opponent? He's
no whar. [ was brought up among We,
Teller citizens, and papped in school
house, but they can't git rouud me with
their highfalutin big words. Hictum,
strictum, aIbranto, catnip, Brazel, En-
glooney, and Bufiin's boa-b-o-o-o.
What do you think Of that?
GO il, porker-root hog or die"
as Shakespeel said when Cesar stabbed
him in the House of Representatives.
Feller Citizcns-'Lect me to Congris
and I'll abolish mad dogs, muskeeters,
bad cents and bad whisky, and go in
for the humiliation Of negroes, camp
meetings and jalls. Illrepudiate crow
and fustigden hawk. I'll have 2,0rke7'
fpIayi51g every day, Sundays excepted,
and liquor enough to swim in. Yes,
Teller citizens, 'lect me to Congris and
I shall be led to exclaim in the sublime,
the terefic language Of Bonaparte, when
preaching in the wilderness
Orchards himself again"
':On then, onward to the polls-gal-
lop space, fiery footed steed," and make
the welken trcmble with anti-spasmod-
ic yells for DAILY.
''IIence, ye brutcs broad axe and glory"
The ASSESSMENT STEAI-The Mad
iSon Argus is mad as al Argus about