Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1858-09-15
A SHORT PATENT SERMON.
By DOW JR,


At the request of brother S. NJ. Kerr (PhG-
nix Rancho | will meddle with the following
"wHAR DE HEN SCRATCH, OAR SHE Spec TO
FIND DE Bug"
My Hearers am informed that dark COM
plexioncd preacher, in Columbus, Ohio once
took the above for his text and proved from
it that our First Parents fell out of an apple
tree into mudhole, which caused their first
born to be as black as your hat. am afraid
that my coorcd co-laborer has made much
more out Of it than can, for, turn it over, set
it upon end, lay it down and sprawl it OPEN
after all, this old rooster don't lind great deal
to pick ut.
In tho first place, my brethren, I will pro-
pound yious conundrum. Why are men like
watches Because they must look inside Of
them for their good qualities, and Judge Of
them by their works"
Well my brethren, the work Of men anu wo-
men in general consists, for Tie most part, i'll
scratching, and tue presRcet Of a bug iS the in.
ccntive. You may ysnotce, brethren that When-
ever Il hen makes scratch, she always gives
pick; but whether she gets Il bug at every dip,
is very uncertain. imagine not. Neyerthe-
less, where sic scratches there she expects to
tin,l n hug.
Expecting is one tliiHg you know, my friends
and finding another. You may turn over many
:, stone in this prccario;is world, and find no
bug after all. Phrenologically speaking, the
human head is one vast bump Of expectation,
and nothing else.
There arc various sorts of bugs, brethren, in
this buggy sphere. There arc biz bugs, little
bugs, straddlc-hngs, hurnbugs und oug-bcars
But yuu nrcn't scratch about much to find
any Of these, for they arc everywhere thicker
than shippers in a seven year old cheese.
To iird the bug you 50 earnestly desire re-
quircs ,liligcnt scratching; and if so doing you
don't happen to catch it, You can comfort y"lr-
self with the reelection that You put in the
cks for it, and it ought to Lave been yours.
If young man takes a girl about to see the
sllnws, feeds her with tit-bi!s, and buys her
pretty cucocs, his title TO = kiss il clear and
indi.p putablc--.lor "wlcrc the hen scratches
there she expects to find hug
The bug that you arc all after, my brethren,
is the gold bug but, alack- k-a-day, low many of
you scratch in vain; yet it is found in manure
heaps, as well as in auri(trous places. The far
mcr turns it mp with lis plow, and the gardener
with his spade; and yet thousands keep scratch
ing here and there without finding 'ary bug.
\ few years ago hundreds Of YOU fell to
scratching at Kern river, expecting to find
mighty big bug Well, you scratched, and
scratched and what did you turn up at last?
Il monstrons hulnhug? Got frightened and
scrabblcd for home, a vast sight more buggy than
You went-for where the hen scratches, there
she expects to find q bug.
And now you all want to 60 to the Frazer
River country; but there are so many different
ways to get there, you are in quandary which
to choose 1t is like getting to Heaven. The
Catholics insist upon going straight through
Pureatury--the Eaptists 60 round about way,
but keep where there is plenty Of water, as
they belong to the class known as amphiba-
the Presbytc think their road the safest
although rather hottie Universalists declare
theirs to be the most pleasant-while the
Mctbodists shout "Halleluyah," and scare up
rabbits, as they journey upon the good. old
jordan route. But when you are once there
(at the diggings mcan-for am not sure that
you will ever ,cach the other place. one stands
about as good chance as anotEer-and don't
know but little better. You all have about
an equa! amount Of hope, if not pluck, and each
will probably pitch in and dig with all the en-
crgy of terrier at 4 gophcr-hole-for "where
the hen scratches, there she expects TO lind u
bug"
Let me make apatber: application of text, my
brethr2p. Beware of an oily tongued, syco-
phantic frcnd-who is ever too ready to do
yuu Il small favor,-who PROCESSES willingness
to serve you at all timcs-who praises you as
the fox did the crow; for, While he is thus
"quzzling" himself into your good graces, he
has sly eye upon your pulsc-yourself forget
ting for the moment, that "where the hen
scratches, there she expects to find bug"
MY friends how uneasy is the immortal
mind in its pent up prison of clay Low 1t
seems to exult in its freedom while wngng its
way to yon azure fields Of light and glory, or
wandering amid the green old bowers Of the
past, where none but itself is permitted to
roam What, then, must be its !lfiisht When
forever released from it, Ih,adom Of Hes, and
no longer deasndsnt upon bread, scef, and po-
ta.rss The day will come when liberty, such
as 'niortals have never yet known, will be bliss
fully realized in an eternal sphere, where
where" where the hen scratches, there she
expects to find hug" So mote it be Col
den Era.
| A SNUG BusISEss.-By the law of the United
St,tns f,r such cases made and pruyi,led the