Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-06-09

now all on the 9ui rire, and for two
weeks the conversation of the printers
was mostly in answering the all prevail
ing question, "When will the first
number of the Mcestigator be out?''
After ''days of toll and nights of
waking" the long looked for paper ap-
peared. 1t was very creditable
sheet-with flaming salutatorv, re-
plete with adjeetives, full of promises
for the future, and ''done up" at the
close with an eloquent quotation from
Shakespeare. 1t was triumph of art
and intellect among the people Of Blow
town. The citizens with unanimous
voice shouted "bravon'- and the edi-
tor considered himself immovtalized.-
He was the subject of discussion in the
"Sewing Society," the social circle and
the bar ROOM Old women with daugh-
tiers were all his true friends, (the edi-
tor was SINGLE young misses even cast
upon him a loving smile, young widows
and old maids greeted him with the
most abandoned flatterv.
Many new names were added to the
subscription list, and advertisements
came rapidly in with promise of
prompt payment. So the new enter
prise was now fully under sail, with a
fair sky, clear ofling and spanking
breeze. A larger number Of subsclib-
ers were on the book than had been
anticipated, and though but few had
paid In advance, yet, there was every
assurance that the pay would be forth
coming when needed. With full hope
our hero pursued his prosperous voy-
age over the sea editorial, little dream
ing Of a cloud or storm in the future.
Months passed away. Novelty had
Withdrawn It's charm, while plain real
ity began to present to the publisher
of the 'Investigator'' the asperities of
the enterprise. Bills were coming due
and money must be had to meet them.
An attempt was made to collect, but
ouly a dollar here and there could be
raised. Subscribers began with one
accord to make excuses, and fair prom
ises for the future. Still hoping for
that millennium of publishers, when de-
linquent subscribers will pay up their
bills, recourse was had to borrowing
money at per cent This was a rash
eXpedient, but the only alternative, as
the many warm friends of the press re-
fused to do better. Repeated duns ap-
peared in the columns Of the ssInvesti-
gator calling on all delinquents to pay
up their arrearages; but with very lit
tie effect.
Disatfection now began to creep in,
and whilom friends began to 'sweary of
well doing" They couldn't see why
it needed money to carry on a small
paper. A paper with sac hundred
names on the list ought to live without
complaint The Skintlinters thought
they were not pufed enough, aud heap
ed their maledictions on the editor for
presuming to charge for editorial no.
tees. Pussyman thought his s'puffs''
not quite as good as Slow-a -easv's.
The politics of the paper began to be
denounced in as many different WAYS
as there were political parties. Thus,
hundreds of complaints were entered
against the hapless editor, because he
''dared call for Justice ''s. ..E. D.
BY this time our hero finds himself
in no enviable position,-sans dollars.
sans friends, sans hone! He had been
charged exorbitant prices for all that
he had received-high rents, outrag-
eous bills for boarding, &c. Amid in
/ cessant labor at the case and press, he
had failed to make his paper as inter-
esting as was demanded But no al
lowances were made; inability was the
excuse ofexacting readers. The learn
ed Snizzle had written some dry trash
/ for the farmers on "Gathering Seed
Corn''-a subject Of which the author
was profoundly ignorant. Also anoth-
er article on the ''Topogra ply of a Frog
Pond,' with Critical Notes concern
! ing the inhabitants thereof.'' .v b.. s.a.
The volume was now half closed
A crisis in business affairs had almost
paralyzed trade, money was scarce
and collections almost impossible to be
made. The last ''bundle'' of paper
was used, while the paper mill refused
further credit until former supplies were
paid. At this critical juncture our al
most disheartened editor made a last
effort to collect outstanding accounts
BY this time, creditors had ceased to
be even ge'atlenaaraly. IF one paid up,
he did so by withdrawing further pat
ronage. Some denied their accounts :;
said they never subscribed and would
not pay. It was no use. A sufficient
sum of money could not be raised to
purchase fresh supply of paper; SO af-
ter a brilliant descending existence of
six months, the ''Blowtown Scientific
Investigator blorcedup! IL -ac.-
So ended the magnificent farce
/ The editor found himself two hundred
dollars out of pocket, besides his six
months work. His credit was like
wise gone, and but few friends remain
ed. Slanderous tongues circulated all
manner of false reports in regard to
the paper and the unfortunate propri-
eter. The Office was soon sold to pay
off the debts, when hungry creditors
like ravenous wolves rushed together.
leach one struggling for the great share
of the spoils. And the good citizens
said amen lit has cost us but little.