Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1858-07-30
VARIETIES.

border, at hotel in Chicago, missed $50.
servant, named Abraham, was arrested on
suspicion. The money was found in Abraham's
bosom.
Kit North says that it is no wonder that
women love cats, for both arc graceful and
both domestic-not 70 mention that both
scratch.
One Of our finest writers saws that the night
ly dues come down upon us ike blessings
How very differently the daily dues come down
in these hard times.
Salt Lake, in Utah, is sa!tcr than tie sea-
Two quarts of its water will make a pint Of
salt. Rock salt exists in large quantities in
:i.e nelghboring hills.
What better prof m we give of wisdom
and goodness, than to be content with the
station in which Providence has placed us.
A contemporary, noticing tie appointment of
postmaster, says:
''If he attends to the mails as we'll as he
does to the females, he will make very at
tentiye and efficient oficer'
A Person in passing conceited fellow, hap
pened to strike his foot with cane. ''Yon
had better knock my brains out and finish me,
said the dandy. 81 was trying to do If, was
the rejolnder.
The young lady who burst into tears has
been pnt together again, and is now wearing
hoops to prevent a recurrence Of tho accident.
II Girls would have roses for their cheeks,
they must do as roses do--go TO sleep With the
nd mill tt.o IL
But then We should not ike them to sleep in
quite such dirty beds.
How old are you g said magistrate to a
German arraigBed before Kim.
i am dirty
sAnd how old is your wife q
'Mine wife is dirty-two.
sThen, sir, you are very filthy couple aud
wish to have nothing further to DO with either
of you
| 1t is not high crimes, snch as robbery and
murder. which destroys The peace of society
The village gossip, jeaiousias family qaarrels,
aud chickering's between neighbors, meddle-
som2uess and tattling, are the worms that eat
into all social happiness.
1t is an actnal fact, that man 10 our State,
who attempted to hug beautiful young wo-
| man, Miss Lemon, has sued her for striking
him in the eye. Why should fellow squeeze
Lemon unless he wants punch?
81 declare, MOTHER said petted little girl
| in pettish little way, ''tis too bad, mother );
you always send me to bed when / am not
sleepy, aud you always make me get up when |
am sleepy
Some genius has conceived the brilliant idea
to press all the lawyers and physicians into
military service, in case of war-because their
'charges' are so great that no one could stand
them.
Read the biographies of our great good
men aud women,' says an exchange, mot one
of them bad fashionable mother. They near
ly all sprung from plain trong-minded women,
who had about as little to DO with fashions as
with changing clouds
There is a baby in Cincinnati, the child of
Mr.. Cannon, which weIghs "a pounds at eleven
months of age Exchange.
He must be at the age of twenty-snd-one
A dangerous piece it's remarkably clear
When the young Cyciopean son of CUR,
Is 24-pounder the very first year
A lady wrote upon window soue verse
intimating her design of never marrying
A gentleman wrote the following lines under
meath
The lady whose resolve these words betoken.
Wrote them on glass, to show it may be broken.
A western exchange says: ''Two ladies
we're travelling in the cars last week, when ono
said to the other:
81 was married, but heard that my fus-
baud was killed in Pittsburg, and l am going
there to ascertain if the report be true
"Well, I've got dead sage thing on my
husbaud,'' remarked the other, stfol | saw him
buried five weeks ago.
Do not teach your daughters French before
they can weed flower bed at sunrise, or walk
mile to get up an appetite for breakfast
Remember that red cheeks aud vigorous
frame are preferable TO a simpering tongue
and fashionable accomplishments.
'Yos have considerable floating population
in this village, hayn't you asked stranger
of one of the citizens of village on the
Mississippi. ssWell--ahem yes, rather SO
replied the latter, sabcut hall the year the -
ter is up to the second window
aMr. - wa, : Guy shill'ns's
worth 1 Ct bay hay can have it. Is il for your
s.sNo, faint It's for the boss. Dad don't
eat hay"
"Bill, spell cai, rat, hat, bat, with only one
letter for each wordn
sit can't be did ~
"What you just ready to report verbatioE
phonetically, and cant do that? just look
here 9 SO cat, 50 rat. b 50 hat, b 80 bat. =