Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1858-08-12
g9mastrlg Staining
THE FIRST ICE CREAM

80 90
short-lived existence, conducted by the Rev.
DR.. Freeman, who died some time since,
Bishop of Arkansas and Texas s$H
elf he knew to whom, or to what, forgive
credit forthe following bit We would Ger.
tainly do it. Itcomes to us without any in
timation of its origin, and we give it place as
ludicrously characteristic. 1t purports to be
sAn account Of Ethan Spikes First and
Last Visit to Portland
"Portland is the all,fredest place I ever
seed. I was down there in '3S, to see a little
about my goin' to the Legislature, and such
atime as I had you never heer'd tell on.
Did 1 ever tell you about the ice cream
scrape I had ?"
We answered in the negative, and he re-
sumed:
aWall, I'd bin down thar two or three
DAYS, pokin' in every hole, an tho't Ia seed
everything thar was to be seen. But one
dary towar's sun down I was goin' by a shop
in Middle street that looked wonderfully
slick-there was all manner Of candy an
pepperments an what nots at the windows.
An then there wei. signs with gold letters
on to them, hangin' round the door, telin'
how they sold Soda, Mead, an Ice Cream
thar. l says to myself, I have heern a good
deal about ice cream, and now if fdon't
see what they's made Of. So 1 puts my
hands into my pockets, an walked in kinder
careless, and says to a chap standin' behind
the couuter- o., :
ssDo you keep any ice creams hereY
eyes. sir,n says he, how much III you
hayeW -,
7 considered a mint, says I-"a pint, sir"
The young felier's face swelled out, and he
liked to have laughed right out, but arter a
while he asked
InDid you say a pint, sir"
: nSartin," says /, 'but p'raps you don'tre'
tail, SO I don't mind takin' a quart.
Oval, don't-you think the Teller snorted
right out. Tell yer whatri it made we feel
sorta pisun, an I gave hima look that made
him look soberin about a mint; an when
Iclinched my fist and looked so at MN
(here MI. Spike favored us with q most dla-
bolica1 expression hs hauled ln1his horns
about the quickest, an handed me a pinto
the stuff as perlite as could be. WALL !
tasted q mouthful of. it, an found it cool as
the north side of O Bethel hill in January:
I'd half a mind to spitit out, but jest then l
seed the coufectioner chap GRIMM behind
the door, which riz my spunk: Gall smash
it all, thinks I, I'll not let that whlte'll7er'
ed monkey think I'm afeared7Ill eat the
plaguey stuff if it freezes my innards. ltell
yer what, I'd rather skinn'd a bear or whip
I'D a wild cat, but I went It. l eat the
whole in about a mint.
aWall in abouta quarter of an hour / be.
gan te feel kinder gripy here,"' continued
Ethan, pointing to the lower parts of his
stomach, San kept on feelin' ne better fast,
till at a IL seemed as though I'd got 9
steam ingen sawin' shingles in me. I sot
down on a cheer, and bent myself up like a
nut-cracker, thinkin' I'd grin and bear it ;
butt couldn't set still-Itwisted and squirm-
ed about like an angle worm on a hook, till
at last as the chap as gin me the cream who
had been lookin' on sniggerin' says to me,
"Mister,'' says he, 'what ails yer?"
tails me w says I, "that ere stuff OF
your'n is freezin' up my ~daylights," says l.
!, nYou eat too much," says he.
IL 81 tell yer I didn't' screened 1 81 know
what's enough and what's too much, without
askin' you; and if you don't leave off suick
erin I'll Spite yer face"
"He cottoned right down, and said he
didn't mean any hurt, and asked me if |
hadn't better take some gin. l told him
would. So I took a purity good horn, and
left the shop.
carter 1 got out" continued Ethan, 81
felt better for a mint or so, but I hadn't
gone, fur afore the gripes took me again !; so
I went into another shop and took some more
gin; then I sot down on the State House
steps, and there I sot and sot, but didn't
feel a mite better. I begun to think l was
goin' to kick the bucket, and then I thought
Of father and mother and of old Spanker-
that's fathers hoss-and when 1 thought
that l should never see 'em again, I fairly
blubbered. But then I happened to look up,
and see a dozen boys GRIMM and larfn' at
me, I tell yer what, it riz my dander-that
had got down to nsro-rite up agin. l
sprung at n like a wild cat, hollerin' out
I'd shake their tarnal gizzards out, and the
way the little devils scampered was a caution
to nobody. But after the 'citement oV the
race was over, I felt wus agin, and Icould'nt
help g~roanin' an schreechin' as went along.
"At last I thought I'd go to the theatre,
but afore I got there, the gripes got so strong
that I had to 60 behind a meetin' house and
Law down and boiler. AFTER awhile l got
ND and went into a shop and eat a half dol
lars worth of billed listers with four picked
cowcumbers, and wound up with a glass OF
brandy. Then 1 went into the theatre and
seed the plays, but 1 felt so bad that could
not see any fun in 'em, for I don't think the
listers and the cowcumbers done me any
good. I set down, laid down, and stood up,
but still it went on, grippe, grippe. Igroaned
all the time, and once in a while l was obi
eed to screech kinder easy. Every body
starred at me, and somebody called out,
uturn him outv" once or twice. But, at
last, Just as the niger Orthello was goin' to
put the piller on his wife's face to smother