Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-03-17
"Oh! my Leghorn!" cries

one. "My dear, darling, winter vel
vets cries another. And they pitched
in-they pulled me this way and that,
boxed my ears; and one bright eyed
little piece-Sal- her name was
put her arms right round my neck, and
kissed me right on my lips. Human
nature couldn't stand that, and give
her as good as she sent. It was the
first time l ever had taste, and it was
powerful good. / believe that could
have kissed that gal from Julius Caesar
to the Fourth of July. "Jack," said
she, we are sorry to disturb you, but
wont you see me home?' eyes" said
I, 81 will,, I did do it, and had anoth-
er smack at the gate, too. After that,
we took a kinder turtle-doving after
each other. Twas at the close of a
glorious summer day-the sun was set
ting behind distant hog-pen-the
chickens were going to roost-the bull
frogs were commencing their evening
songs, the pollywogs, in their native
mud-puddles, were preparing them
selves for the shades of highland Sal
and myself sat upon an antiquated back
log, listening to the music of nature,
such as tree-toads, roosters and glunt-
ing pigs, and now and-then the mellow
music of a distant jackass was waited
to our ears by the gentle zephyrs that
that sighed among the mullen stalks,
and came heavy laden with the delic-
ious odor of hen roosts and pig styes
The last lingering rays of the setting
sun, glancing from the brass buttons Of
solitary horseman shone through a
knot hole in the hog pen full in Sal's
face dyeing her hair with an orange
peel hue, and showing off my thread
bare coat to bad advantageous of
my arms was around SAILS waist, my
hand resting on the small of her back
she was toying with my auburn locks
of jet black hue-she was almost gone,
and | was ditto. She looked like a
grasshopper dying with the hiccups,
and | felt like mud-turtle choked with
a codfish-ball. "Sal," says I, in voice
as musical as the notes of dying swan,
"will you have me?" She turned her
eyes heavenward, clasped me by the
hand, had an attack of the heaves and
blind staggers, and with a sigh that
drew her shoe strings to her palate,
said, "Yes!'' She gave clear out, then,
and squatted in my lap-she cork
screwed and curf1umuxed and rolled in
it. | hugged her till [ broke my sus-
pandars and her breath smalt of onions
which she ate the week before. Well.
to make long story short, she set the
day, and we practiced for four weeks
every night how we would walk into
the room to be married till we got so
we could walk as graceful as a couple
of Muscovie ducks. The night the com
pany and the minister came, the signal
was given, and arm in arm we march
ed through the crowded hall. We
were just entering the parlor door, when
down | went kerslap on the oil-cloth,
pulling Sal after me- Some cussed
fellow had dropped a banana skin on
the floor, and it foored me. 1t split
an awful hole in my cassimeres right
under my dress coat tail. 1t was too
late to back out, so clapping my hand
over it, we marched in and were splic-
ed, and taking a seat [ watched the
kissing Of the bride operation. My
groomsman was tight, and he kissed
her till / jumped up to take a slice,
when, oh, horror! little six year old
imp had crawled up behind me, and
pulling my shirt through the hole in
my pants had pinned it to the chair,
and in jumping up, | displayed to the
admiring gaze Of the astonished multi
tude trife more white muslin than
was pleasant. The women giggled,
the men roared, and l got mad, but
was finally put to bed, and there all
my troubles ended. Good night
Yours, J. w. B.