Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1858-12-14
Git-8 its.

&B why hrs Lne clepnHn6 u uunh! |
Because he has no carpet-bag.
HF-None are so empty as those who
are full Of themselves.
EEWhen are writer's like cattle?
When they are driven to the pen.
wDog- stealing in the second degree
hooking sausages.
RH-If three feet make yard. how
many will it take TO make q garden?
W Happiness does not lie in events,
but in states-not in what we do, but iE
what we are.
ET"Scatter the germs Of the beauti
full" as the fellow said when he kicked
his wife and children out Of doors.
ETWhy IS man with 10th legs cut
off like an even bargain? Because he's
nothing to boot.
H Why is a muff like fool? Be-
cause 1t holds u lady's hand without
squeezing it.
EF"Marm, mayn't I goa fshing?"
"Yes, sonny, but don't go near the wa
ter and recolect, if you're dro"ned Ii
wollop you."
EFWhy are one hundred and sixty
square rods like decayed tooth?
Because it is an ''aker. "'s..
EFA Mr.. and Mrs. Brewer, Wayne
county, Kentucky, have twenty two chill
dren. Theirs is, perlape, the most ex
tensve Brewery in the West.
EFPretty shopkeeper-''Very sorry,
sir, but we haze no shirts that will fit you.
will measure you for Dozen"
IIorri6ed swell--"Good gwacious! shall
have to stwip?"
Ig~It is said that druukard, in stag
gerng around, met with n large globe
lamp with letters upon it. Mistaking it for
the moon. he said, "Well I'm stumped if
somebody haint stuck up an advertisement
on The MOON"
EE-An Illinois paper says "there is a
man out here SO dirty tina. the assessors
set him down as real estate
HgUpon Pallander first seeing To-
comolive called it "a ste boat hunting
fot wather, sure"
EH-"I cant see how you can sit and
eat while your wife is SO sick. p" 'Why,
NV dear fellow, il is not that l love my
wife loss, but that l love pancakes
more"
~Wages-the sweet oil with which
the human machinery is creased. a mod
ern author defines wages to be slavery
under disguise, and the meanest of robber-
les. because of its sheer hypocrisy!"
ETAs you move through the world,
YOU will find that it requires great gener-
ship to know when to speak the truth with
safety to yourself.
INNATE GooDNEss.-SIany a person
thiuAs II. is honest because he has never
cheated Instead of that lie is only hon
est because he has never been tempted
What the world calls climate goodness" is
very often full stomach, and what il
terms vice, is quite as frequently an empty
breadbasket.
THINK OF THIS SRRIorsLr.--No life can
be well ended that has rot been well spent
and what life has been spep: that has had
no purpose, that has accomplished no OBJ
ject--that has realized no hope.
EFLord Kaimes. in conversation with
his gardener one day, said:
George. the time will soon come wher
n man shall be able to carry the manure
for an acre of land in one of his waistcoa
pockets"
IL believe it. SIR" said the gardener
''but then he will be able TO carry all the
crop in the other"
EEIt is generally observed thai per
sons Of about forty years. especially o
young ladies Of that age, are very forge
iul Of hose with whom they were &C
auainted in childhood. This remarkable
dimness of memory has been very appro
Priately styled 'The darkness of the mid
die ages
PATENT TRurHs.-It is estimated tha
there are in the United States twenty fiv'
thousand persons who make their living ty
the sale of patent medicines.
And it is estimated that about fouI
times that number lose ''their living" by
taking the same medicines.
Eg"Julius. what's laiitu'iinarian?'
a. latty-Iudy, what?"
"A latitudinarian?."
"A latyferdemarium, Mr.. Snow. am .
man wk0 ascertains desir;umpherence "t
tI. hemuslear, an brings De axletr"e Oh de
arth cpp~rsite to de hub ov de universe :
"De nieger ,s go high flown. can':tel
We der he dcviating from de truf, or at
rnrng faleeho"d.