Cleveland morning leader. [volume] (Cleveland [Ohio]) 1854-1865, 1858-12-01
MORNING LEADER.
From the Springfield Republican.
WANTED---A MINISTER

WANTED---A MINISTER
We have been without pastor
Some eighteen months or more,
And though candidates are plenty
We've had at least score;
All of them "tiptop" preachers,
Or so their letters ran
We're Just as far as ever
From settling on the man.
The firstWhO came among US
By no means was the worst,
But then we didn't think of him
Because he was the first;
1t being quite the custom
To sacrifice a few,
Before the church in earnest
Determines what to do.
There was a smart young fellow
With serious, earnest way,
Who, but for one great blundeT,
Had surely won the day;
Who left SO good impression,
On Monday one or two
Went round among the people
To see if he would do.
The pious, godly portion
Had not fault TO ind,
His clear and searching preaching
They thought the very kind;
And all went smooth and pleasant,
Until they heard the views
OF some influential sinners
Who rent the highest pews
On these his pungent dealing
Made but sorry hit;
The coat Of gospe teaching
Was quite too tight fit.
Of course his fate was settled
Attend, ye parsons all
Andpreach to please the sinners
If you would get a call.
Next came a spruce young dandy,
He wore his hair too long;
AnOthers coat was shabby,
And his voice not over strong;
And one New Haven student
Was worse than all of those
We couldn't hear the sermon
For thinking of his nose
Then wearying Of candidates,
We looked the country through,
Mid doctors and professors,
To find one that would do;
Aud after much discussion,
On who should bear the ark,
With tolerable agreement,
We fixed on DR.. Parke.
Here then we thought it settled,
But were amazed TO find
Our fatteriug invitation
Respectfully declined.
We turned 10 DR.. Hopkins,
To help US in the lurch,
Who strangely thought that college
Had claims above ''Our church"
Next we despatched committees
By twos and threes, to urge
The labors for a Sabbath
OF the Rev. Shallow Splurge
He came-a marked sensation,
So wonderful his style,
Followed the creakiDg of his boots,
As he passed up the aisle.
His tones were so affecting,
His ge-tures so divine,
A lady tainted in the hymn,
Before the second line
And on that day he gave us,
In accents clear and loud,
The greatest prayer ever addressed
To an enlightened crowd
He epreached 4 double sermon,
And gave US angels food,
On such lovely topic
''The joys of solitude -
All full Of sweet descriptions
OF flowers and pearly streams,
OF warbling birds, and moonlit groves,
And golden sunset beams.
Of faith and true repentance,
He nothing had to say;
He rounded all the corners,
And smoothed the rugged way;
Managed with great adrOitness
To entertain and please,
And leave the sinners conscience
Completely at its ease.
Six hundred is the salary,
We gave in former days =
We thought il very liberal,
And found it hard to raise
But when we took the paper,
We had no need to urge,
To raise cool two thousand,
For the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
In vain were all the efforts
We had no chance at all
We found ten city churches
Had given him a call;
And he, in prayerful waiting,
Was keeping all in tow;
But where they bid the highest,
Twas whispered he would go.
And now, good Christian brothers,
We ask your earnest prayers,
That God would send a shepherd,
To guide our church affairs,
With this clear understanding
A man, TO meet our views,
Must preach to please the sinners,
And fill the vacant pews-