Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1858-12-21
Tit-@its

Is a twist. p
G|A confirmed tipp'er was bothered
how to honor his birthday. A brilliant
idea struck him-he kept sober. -
Gsr"What branch of feducation do you
have chiefly in your school?" al
"Mostly willow branch, sir.''
E1-At a shop window in Drury lane
appears the following notice:
"WANTED-It0o apprentices. who will
be Treated as one of the family"
@-An exchange says that fashionable
ladies who have occasion to speak of Billy
Bowlegs, the celebrated Indian CHIEF, now
days, call him VIM. Cruikshanks.
Ew"Did you ever know such me-
chanica genius AS my son?' said an old
lady. "He has made fiddle all out of
his own head. and he has wood enough
for another"
W-An Irishman, said if a few goose
berries give so fine flavor to an apple pie,
"that it would be darlint of an apple pie
which was made Of gooseberries entirely
ES- "Shall 1 have your hand?" said an
exquisite to belle, as the dance was about
to commence. "With all my heart" was
the soft response.
NIt is extraordinary how many de-
fects we can discern in friend after we
have quarrelled with him. The same re-
mark applies to woman npon receiving
the "miLten."
EE- An lrishman on being asked which
was Oldest, he or his brotber?-"I am
Oldest" said he, 'but if my brother lives
three years, we shall be both of an age"
%-A few years ago, the ladies wore
great kind Of hood. called "Kiss- me-if-
you-dare." The present style of bonnet
might be called, with equal propriety,
"Kiss- s-me-ify you-want-to."
EV-An hotel and livery-stable keeper
at a fashionable watering place advertises,
socia6Ies for young ladies and gentlemen,
and suikt3s for married folks.
EB-"Come, Bob, how much have you
cleared bv your speculations?" said a
friend to his companion. t'Cleared!' an
swered Bob, with frown, 'why, Pve
cleared my pockets"
Gv-A little boy going to church for
the first time with his mother, WAS very
much pleased with the performance on
the organ, and cried OUT
"Mother, mother! where's the n,onkeye"
GaTAt concert recently, at the con-
clusion of the song, "There's a good
time coming" country farmer got up
and exclaimed
"Mster, you couldn't Fl K theSote, could
you?'
F"How do you do, sare?" said
Frenchmsn to An English acquaintance.
"Rather poorly. thank you," answered the
other. 'Nay, my dear sare," said the
Frenchman, don't thank me for your
illness, cannot help it.''
EH-An apothecary's boy was lately
sent to leave at one house a box of pills,
and at another six live fowls. Confused
on tie way, he left the pills where the
fowls should have gone, and the fowls al
the pills place. The folks that received
the fowls were astonished at reading the
accompanying directions-''Swallow one
every two hours"
EH-A cober has just located himself at
Spalding, and attracts attention with the
following address outside his shop:-"Sur-
gerry performed OH old boots and shoes,
by adding of feet. making good the legs,
binding the broken, healing the wounded,
the body with new soles. No cure, no |
pay. Advice gratis on the most desperate
cases."
@A Dutchman passing a number of |
railroad tracks in the course OF days |
journey, and never having seen any before,
was nonplussed to account for their use
AT leLgth, after examining one of them
for about twenty five minutes, and scratch
ing his bead quite bald; he CALCULATED,
"Tay must be iron clamps to keep der ert-
quakes from breaking up der roat."
EyA tall Hibernian entered the office
OF a music teacher and inqniIed,-
What Is the price of a saison at music9"
81 charge $25 for the first quarter. $50
fo- the second, and $15 for the third"
was the reply.
"Then, sir" replied Pat. s'I'H larn;
phase put me down for the third quarter as
Il commncement."
EarA man with red face, and looking
rather shabby. called at house in the
country on Sunday, and asked for drink
Of cider. The good lady of the house re-
fused, telling him that she would not lie
urged her, telling her that she had better,
for some persons had entertained angels
unaga:es. "Yes," said she, 81 know
that; but angels don't go about drinking
cider on Sunday"
EE-"My graciousl'' said Ike, eff some
fairy would give me wings, wouldn't go
round among the planets though. I'd 90
Ia Mars, and Venus, and Jumper, and All
tile rest OF them"
"And Satan,' said Mrs. Partington,
striking in, "and I'm afraid you will 90
there, whether you ger wings or not
Ike whislled. and turned the subject to,
n hun,.l, ,f ,,raf,es. lh,,l fIta- old Iajx III