The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1858-08-04

tempted to explain in manner follow
ing: 'zwei, swei, said I; mo more beer
but zwei;' after which lucid ex-
PLANTATION she vanished and brought two
mugs, at which Damphool stopped
laughing long enough to tell me she
would keep bringing pint doses of lager
as long as continued to remark 'zwei,
which he informed me meant two glas
ses of lager. aud be in a hurry about it.
He said also that the reason she
did not leave when she had served US,
was because she wanted her change.
Paid her the money-thanked my friend
for his gratuitous lesson in German, and
began to drink.
Ehe frstglass seemed like sour strong
beer with a gool deal of water in it, the
next was not quite so sour, and the next
one tasted as though the original beer
had been stronger, and they had not di-
luted it so much. Then we rested, and
az had drank three pints already, l
was willing to quit, but Damphool as
sured me Lager isn't intoxicating :"
l thought l could hold another glass,
and ordered it it was brought by a
young lady who seemed to have four
eyes and two noses, pointing in different
directions, which unusual effect was un-
doubtedly caused by smoke.
Then l thought I'd have a glass of
Lager, Ga liquid known to most of the
inhabitants of Manhattan. 1t was
brought by girl SO pretty, that I i'm
mediately ordered two more, and kept
her waiting for the change some time so
as could look at her. Then we had
some cheese full of holes; then we had
some Lager to fill up the holes; then
we took sausage Damphool suggest
ed that the sausage was made of dog,
and so we had some Lager to drown the
dog; then we had some sardines Dam
phool said it would be cruel to keep the
fish without supply of the liquid cls-
ment, so we had some Lager for the fish
to swim in then we had some bretzels.
Damphool said tie bretzels were SO
crooked that they would not pack close,
so we had some lager to fill up the
chiuks. Then l made speech to the
company short, but to the point, and
received with applause. 1t was to the
whole crowd, and it was to this effect {:
Gentlemen let's have some Lager"
By this time my friend had by some
mysterious process become mysterious
ly multiplied and there were fifty Dam
phools, and they all accepted the invita-
ton and we had the Lager; there
were forty glasses, and in trying to
make the circuit of the room and touch
my glass to every one Of theirs, l fell
over table which very impertinently
stepped before me, and as I went down
l knocked small Dutchman into the
corner then l fell over him then l
partially rec4versd myself and sat down
ON his head then l demanded an in
slant apology then 1 called for six
glasses of Lager, and when the girl
brought them all in one had, tried to
take them in one hand but broke three !;
then tried to drink the remaining three
all at once, and in so doing took an
involuntary shower bath then l tried
to pay for the whole fifty glasses and
the damage, with dime and Spanish
quarter, and demanded that he should
give me my change in gold dollars
There seemed to be some difficulty about
this. and if l hadn't known that Lager
isn't intoxicating, l should have tho't
the man was drunk. ] was on the
point Of calling in policeman to arrest
him for swindling, when Damphoel came
and explained the matter, and his thick
head at last comprehended tina. l was
right.
Little tambourine girl came along and
wanted money for man who was per-
forming with great deal of skill on a
crank outside felt generous and tried
to put Damphool into the tambourine
under the impression that he was half
dollar; finally presented the girl with
my compliments, two cigars, and pen
ny, with she went off satisfied.
Then l thought I'd make love to a
pretty girl, who had just brought me a
glass of lager, "a beverage prevalent in
that vicinity, and which does not pos
sess any intoxicating power) so pres
sed to my heart for two minutes, what
l supposed to be her hand, and did not
find out thatit was her petticoat till l
tried to kiss it, and got my mouth full
of woolen yarn looked at pretty girl
with indignation, and asked her what
she meant by such conduct. Then ]
had mug of lager "a liquor which does
not intoxicate, and which is much used
by the German population.
Then the music struck up. When /
saw the fellows with the crooked brass
horns up to their mouths | thought they
We're drinking some kind of beer that l
hadn't had any of, so l snatched the
trombone and ordered tie girl to fill it
up Immediately. Then l volunteered
a song. The company ali kept silent to
hear me, and l began to whistle Old
Dog Tray, with intervals offive minutes
between the notes. Then l had glass
Of lager. Ga kind of beer much fancied
by the foreign element of our city, which
does not intoxicate, and fear Iabused
the waiter because he didn't bring me
gravy on it. Then l had another, into
which ! poured vinegar, mustard and
fine cut tobacco, under the delusion that
| was making brandy punch. Then
| remembered that had resolved not
to drink anything that would intoxicate,
so | heroically threw my brandy punch
into the fire. and called for a glass of
lager, ia drink which the early Teutons
introduced into this country, and which
does not intoxicate.
Then the music struck up again, and
wanted the alligator to waltz. Alli-
gator refused to speak to me. Thought