The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1858-03-12
LESSON THIRD.

When you have succeeded, my young
learner, in diycsting home of all attractions
of making the place to which your hus-
i band comes from habit and the necessities
Of food and slecp-not because "that sim
gle spot is all the world to him." you will
have arrived at that reigt eff perfection in
your art which requires little further teach
ins. A few hints, however, may be thrown
and excruciatingly miserable by meddling
with affairs which were none Of their bust
ncss
Not till your sense of propriety and self
respect have gone utterly can you venture
upon forciblc extraction of secrets in your
husbands keeping. The most approved
methods of making an onslaught are by
accusation, teasing, and suspicious insinu-
atlons. BY these processes you will be
likely to gain sufficient underground
upon which 20 stand and prop yourself up
with sour right to know whatever your
husband has ever thought, said, or done.
If you can justify yourself, so much the
better, but if you cant, why never mind
trifes never stand in the way Of the self
tormentor's constableship.
Having established a conviction of your
right to knew whatever you desire to
know, proceed something in this wise
Or, having failed of the aforesaid convic-
tion, set up pretense, and take by main
force every citadel of privacy you can bat
ter into. In order to make some show of
justification, select an evening when by
chance, accident, or business detention,
your husband returns home little later
than usual, and no matter whether it be
five, ten, or twenty minutes later, use
them for nursing your wrath, and keep
ing it warm, and when he presents him
self, let your sharp, biting words crackle
like thorns under pot, until he shall
think the house IL coming down about his
ears.
You may effectively open the attack in
she use Of the subjoined formula:
4" So it has come to this, has it ! pretty
well, j think, when you find pleasure eve
ry where except at home III like to
know what kept you out to-night-pretty
time of night, amt it, to come home-I
should think you'd be ashamed to show
your head Supper's all cold, and don't
carc-you don't deserve any suppcT-how
do you suppose can know the minute
you will come into the house, aud have
things nice and hot, when you vary four
or five hours in your time Of coming in !!
l expsc: you will be staying out all night
next You don't come now because YOU
care for me Oh no, l'T nobody !
can sit here all day and all night alone,
and with all nay troubles, and what do you
care? Why, YOU don't care straw-you
would rather talk to any woman than your
wife, So you would, and if | was dead and
out of your way you would be finding
another soon enough Well, oil / ask of
YOU is just to wait till am cold-tbat's
all-not for my sake, but out Of regard to
my gray-headed cid father.'
Here may fall an interlude Of weeping
-noisily, if possible. If this fails TO drive
the man from the bousc-an event scarce
ly to be anticipated-there is yet another
wire to be pulled provided the facts war
rant it, with tremendous effect fall back
upon the baiy! fyou have reason to
believe your husband has made an engage
men, for the evening, ip order to make
him as uncomfortable as possible-Show
him, In fact. what a monster he is--send
to the apothccary's, {, and make tremeu-
dous flourish e teaspoons; pnsh aside