True American. [volume] (Steubenville [Ohio]) 1855-1861, 1858-10-13
Joe Bowers Wedding.

the finger for eitherthe applause Of friends
or the mutterinTs Of enemies. He is, per
haps, the most devoted man to the law in
all creation, aud has his head so full of
what he terms 'Judicial talk" that he not
unfrequently finds himself making learned
charges and passing sentence outside the
courtroom.
On recent occasion the Judge was scall-
ed on to exercise the "power and authority
in him vested,n in the case of young
couple who desired to have their hearts
united in the holy band of wedlocK' VI
course he consented to perform the pleas
ing duty, and on the appointed evening
was promptly on hand at the house at
which the affair was to come off. The
room was crowded by the beauty and fash
ion of the town, and none looked more Dig
nifed or happy than the judge himself, who
was dressed within an inch of his life.
1t is customary on occasions of the kind
referred to, for the good folks of the noun
tain towns to pass around the wine quite
freely, and to their everlasting credit, we
will add, they consider it no harm for one
to manifest his interest in the joyous event
by getting ''livoly." The judge is an ar
dent admirer Of the fair sex, having in the
course of his life led the third one to the
altar. To use his own language, he is a
"great believer in weddings" and that he
should get little mellow amid the glori-
GUS scene of the evening, was not to be
wondered at by those who knew him init
mately. He had the weakness Of all good
Judges. He would take his "tod."
The wine had passed round and round
and round. The music had ceased. The
time for making Joseph Bowers and Nam
cy Hearkens one had arrived. Every heart
throbbed with the most delightful emotions.
The young gentlemen desired to know how
"Joe" would stand it, and the young Ia
dies we're anxious to see how "Nance"
would suffer the anxious shock. Others
again, who had closely observed the turn
of affairs during the evening, fixed theirot.
tention upon the Judge to see how he would
come out Of the scrape.
At length the trying moment was an
nounced, the judge rose very cautiously
from the chair, which he had occupied in
one corner of the room, and casting his
eyes over the company, he singled out the
sheriff of the county. who was an invited
guest. The judge had imbibed just enough
to make him forget the nature of his bust
ness. He was full Of his '')udicial talk"
and required nothing but the presence of
the sheriff to start him. Looking sternly
at that officer, he shouted:
"Mr. Sheriff, open the court and call
ORDER"
A general litter followed this command,
in the midst of which the sheriff took the
"court" gently by the arm, and led him to
his seat in the corner, at the same time in
forming the august parsonage of the mis-
take.
Everything now bid fair for pleasant
and sudden termination of the affair, until
another annoyance, which was nothing
less than the absence of the bridegroom
was observed 1t turned out that he had
Just stepped across the street to join his
friends in parting drink, but before his
return some cold-blooded wag whispered in
the ear of our fogy the cause Of " delay in
the proceedings " Instantly the chair in
the corner moved, and in that direction oil
eyes were fixed.
"Mr. Sheriff." slowly drawled the judge,
"bring Joe into the court on eupenar"-
the Judge had bis own way of pronouncing
the word-then addressing the bride, who
stood on the foreground, and hung her head
in deep confusion, he added "I suppose
you are the plaintiff. Well, don't take on,
innocence and virtue will be protected by
this here court"
This was the saddest blunder of all. The
judge was again made TO see his mistake,
and would have been considerably set back
had it not been for corrective in the
shape of"forty drops of the critter," which
he instantly applied.
In few minutes all was ready in right
down earnest. The bridegroom had arri-
we'd full of joy. The company pressed for
ward. The excitement was intense. He
evidently felt every inch Judge.
"J-Joe B-B-o-w-e-r-s," commenced the
man of law, in that distressing style of
speech with which he was invariable trou-
bled when under the influence of liquor /;
"J-J-o-e Bowers, stand up. Have
y-y-you anything to s-s-say w-w-why sem
tence-"
"Stop, stop, stop, Judge" shouted the
Sheriff, from the back part of the ROOM
=" You are not going to hang the man, but
marry him."
The Judge drew long breath and bin
ked rapidly, but stood his ground well.-
Recovering himselfhe proceeded:
"J-J-o-e Bowers, do y-you t-take
Nancy II earkens for y-your wife, SO h-help
y-you God!"
This was tolerable effort, and Joe nod
ded assent.
"N-N-Nancy Hearkins, it now remains
for this C-C-Court to-"
Here the Sheriff again interrupted the
Judge, reminding him of the real business