Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-04-14

- nc man VINO Wrestied with adver-
Slty wore out his silk stockings and got
worSted
When does modification ensue p
When you pop the question and are
answered no.
a young poet out west, in describ-
ING Heaven, says, 1T is a world Of
bliss, fenced in with girls
TO prevent your hair from coming
out, never let your wife catch YOU kiss
ing the servant girl.
A chap being asked what he took
for bad cold, replied s'Four pocket
handkerchiefs per day"
The sweet light of friendship is like
the light Of phosphorus, seen plainly
when all around is dark.
-''What are the chief ends ofman ?"
asked school teacher of his pupils
Head and feet" was the reply.
A little specimen of humanity de-
scrlbed snoring the other day to be "let-
ting off sleep" A good definition.
What did the cat say as she looked
out OF the window when the Ark cot
aground? Ans-"% that ar q rat p"
The more a Woman's waist is shad-
ed like an hOur-glass, the more it shows
US that her sands of life are running
out.
An Old Bachelor who Edits pa
per down East, puts "Melancholv Ac-
cidents," as head for marriages in his
paper.
A fayorite mode of introduction in
Brazil is said to be, "This is INV friend,
If he steals anything from YOU | am re-
sponsible for it"
DR. South says: seThe tail-bearer
and the tale hearer, should be hanged
up both together. The former by the
tongue and the latter by the ear.''
1t has been discovered that bread
can be manufactured out of wood
Long before this discovery was made.
all wood was known to have grain in
it.
"A Hottentot got up a painting of
heaven. 1t was enclosed with q fence
made of sauSages, while the center was
occupied with fountain that squirted
pot pie.
Dow, Jr., says that the reason that
man was made after everything else
was, if he had been created first, he
would have annoyed the Almighty with
endless suggestions of improvements.
There is nothing purer than hon
esty; nothing sweeter than charity:
nothing warmer than love ;nothing rich
er than wisdom; nothing brighter than
virtue; nothing more steady than faith.
An experienced farmer, who clear
ed over one hundred acres of land in
ONO, writes that the best time to cut
brush and saplings in order to kill the
roots Is when there is the fullest flow of
sap.
-Muggins says Jobs turkey was fat
compared with an old gobbler he shot
last week, on the Devils Fork. That
was SO light that it lodged in the air,
and he had to get pole to knock it
down
Julius, what part ob de ceremonies
DO de ladies most admire when dcy 90
to de church %
"Well, Pompey, l can't tell what dat
is; can you tell %
"Why, yes, nigger-don't you see
dey observe de himS?'
"A French writer has said that "to
dream gloriousiy you must act glorious
ly while you are awake; and to bring
angels down to hold converse with you
In your sleep, you must labor in the
cause OF virtue during the day"
q say, Mister" said little ur-
chin to a man with pair Of cross eyes,
''warn't you born in the middle of the
week 80
''No, YOU little devil, why do you ask
me that -
"Cause [ didn't know but you might
have been, seeing that you are all the
time looking both ways for Sunday"
"A lawyer in Ireland, who was
pleading the cause of an infant plaintiff,
took the child in his arms and present
ed 1t to the jury suffiIsed with tears
This had great effect, till the opposite
lawyer asked what made him cry:
''lie pinched me-" answered the little
innocent. The whole court was con-
yulsed with laughter.
An Irish woman was setting in the
same box at the Opera with a French
physician, was troubled with ennui,
and happened to cape once very wide.
NExcuse ne, madam" said the Doc
tor, giving start, Il an glad you did
not swallow me-"
''Glye yourself no uneasiness," re-
sponded the lady, Il am aJewess, and
never eat pork"
An orthodox Yankee expresses
himself as follows, on eternity: "Eter-
nifty! don't you know the meaning of
that word? Nor l either, hardly. 1t
is forever, and five or six everlastings
top of that. You might place row Of
figures from here to sunset, and cipher
them up, and it would not begin to tell