Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1858-06-13
DAILY APPEAL.
SUNDAY MORNING, JUNE 70, Is58.
TWO SIDES 10 A PIcTURE-s0LILOQUY OF
a NEWSPAPER READER.

SUNDAY MORNING, JUNE 1s, 1855
TWO SIDES 10 PIcrURE-s0LILOQUY o.
a NEWSPAPER READER.
!. The following article was written som
nOnths since, but as it was especially aPpliea
bic to the dog days. we have delayed its pub
9 location until the prssent.-EDs. APPEAL
} Fer the Memphis AppeslI
What a happy set Of dogs editors are, to b
; sure Nothing under the heavens to do but &
read papers, hunt up news, and write scraps Q
editorials, now and then. They exemplify tn
truth Of the adsge, /" There's but a penny
difference between those who work and thos
who plsy-and those who play get it." The
take their ease and live on the cream Of to-
lasd. Does anybody get married? AwsI
goes box Of the incest, whitsst cake, cham,
Pagne, nuts, candies, stcs., to the editor to pay
him for telling it to the world. Dees anybody
raise any extra large, or extra early fruit, veg
stables or berries? it is sure to fnd its way tc
the EDITORS table. Does person make de-
Iieious bottle of wine, brandy, cider or cordial
its sure to find it's way to the head Of the paper.
Jsrusalsmi how I'd like to board with an
editor.
But that's not half the favors they receive.
1, there's lecture, concert, show or cir
Gus in town, the editor IS sure to have ticket,
free gratis for Hothing, besides being presented
with a season ticket to the theatre. They have
all the magazines, newspapers, Congress docu-
zents, telegraphic dispatches, and 50 forth, be-
fore anybody else; and most generally for
nothing. II anybody writes book, a copy is
always laid on the EDITORS table. Wonder if
he eats it2 he sometimes diges;s it, know.
Editors have whole libraries given to them
every year, not to mention bats, gloves, umbrel-
las, pOcket-knivss, cigars, walking-canes, and
dry goods gsneraIly-enough to set up coun-
try merchant.
And, besides, when everybody else is curious
to knew the real names OF writers over heti-
tious signatures, editors-sly feIlows-Issgh at
their curiosity; and, when solicited to let out
the secret, answer with puff editors under
stand Psfing to a charm D" promised not to
tell" By the beard Of Brigham Youngl
wish was an editorl
sOLILOoUT or An EDIOR.
wish TO heaven JOB had willed me bis ps.
tience when be died. an sure no man ever
had greater need for it. 1t is hot enough.
up here, to singe ny eyebrows, End nv heads
aching and throbbing ss il tasre was an earth
quake brewing in it. Esfeels, for a Il the world,
Like somebody had introduced a chsrn-dashsr
and enuIned my Drains until they were as soft
as oatfeT' Jim Lane and Kansas what
huriey-outley snsre is on this street. believe
every carriage bdggy, hack, omnibus, cart,
oraf and wheelbaTrow, in the whole length and
oHsaosa q The city, have done nothing all day,
Dat 7sstie op md down this pavement, throwing
a. much 1ast into my eyes, as do iato the eyes
Of the public. PVe read ovef exchanges until /
am nearly blind, for something to fll up ny
9@per, and have found nothing, after all, worth
eaubie. Wonder what the deuce those edi.
tors were about, that they got up such horribly
dull papers this week Pm as hungry as
wolf, but before can take a bomeward step,
Pve four columns Of proof to correct, besides
those dull books to review, complimentary
notices to write Of them, a leader 10 that
| speech, and that huge letter to-goodness
gracious ami gracious goodness Is my head
going to bsrst open? There's one man con-
planning that be don't get his paper regularly
wants me to have it correctedi as if l was
postmaster and mail carrier, as well as editorl
And what's this blotched, crumplei affair?
HMEEsrER EDIrUEi pies change ny pa
per to our M pOstOfice, as its more handy to
me than the ole wun, and Oblege A Pool"
A POOll Pl apply to the Legislature to
have yeur name changed to A Fool. Here's
another:
"MEssRs. EDITORS: Permit a friend to
make a suggestion. We like your paper
10 this section. We regard il as the stan
dard organ of our party, but there is an obIec-
tion which / frequently hear urged against it;
there's not enough vsristy in It, We like poll
tics, but you know the old sdsge You can
choke dog on pudding' Many Of your sub
scribers can't afford to take more than one pa
per, and therefore wish a variety. "a hint to
the wise is sufficient" +"
Let's see what this man, who writes such a
thunder and lightning hand, says for himself
4" MR. EDIToR: take your paper because it
is political Journal, and l would respectfully
say, that | wish to heaven you'd keep stories,
poetry, anecdotes, and so forth, out OF st.
When wish to read such STUFF, Pu take the
New York LedgsT, the T. ibahs, the Saturday
EreniAy Post, or some such concern. You
must either stop publishing such stuf, or ! will
stop my subscription"
Now, how the mischief am to please every
body, I'd ike to know2 BY Jupiter I'Il just
please myself, and let the everybody go to.
Please myself only wish I could. I'd turn
my back on this EDITORS sanetum forever and
a dsy.o But, microscopes and spectaelss
what's this? The letters are aearIy as large
as pin-points. Here, Pete run over to Clark's,
with my compliments, and ask him to lend me
his most powerful nagnifying glasses. And
while he's gone, I'll dc little pgfing, if / can
hnd cigar, if not, I'lt have to use my pen.
+ A pause, during which the editor, after ex-
ploring half score Of pockets, finds a cigar,
but can't parade a match; whereupOn his face
lie drawn into a beautiful pucker, and he sWssrs.
But, no matter, Pete has arrived with the
glasses, aud the editor proceeds to read the
dainty sPistle.1
Ma EDTToR; send you story, which
you can put in your fourth page if you think it
worthy, il not you can put it in the crate
Here, Pete Go hunt up a CRATE and put
this manuscript in it and here goes an edito-
/ rial to inform her that have complied with
her request, for would not read it for anything
now but match. Here's letter from my New
York correspondent. Hang the fsllOwl NOlI
wouldn't have him hung, either. He writes a
capital letter. can't dispense with him, but
| Dc wish be would study punctuation and
Wei stsr's spslling-boOk. Pll wager there isn't
half dozen words spelt correctly in these Eve
pages Of foolscap, and be asUsT makes s.or,
butrushes right ahead like an engine under full
steam.
And here's correspondent, quarreling like
Xsntippe, because somebody has found out who
be is. That comes Of having printers who can
read and write.
Mercy 'pon u.s. what time we editors do
havsl II had an enemy that I wanted to
consign to an earthly torment, I'd make an ed
itor Of him. Here an, tied down for the
sumner, to this hot, dusty eity,to dish up news
for people who are plsssure-taking at Sara
toga, Cape May or Niagara, or on visit tc
the country. Job and bis eOmfOrtersl How
I'd enjoy hattul Of fresh country air, free Oi
dust How Pd like to roam the woods, to i'm
bibs a crystal draft from some gushing spring
How I'D enjoy-7avsunt, you tantaiiziDi
IDEAL Have | not enough to torment-Goot
graeiousi there is the railroad whistle, an
nouneing the mail and fresh work and trouble
for ne. Patience alive who vOuld be an edi-