The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1858-09-29

| KY, but don't say that DIVINE PROVIDENCE
interfered."
"CAUGHT ON THE JURY."- The follow,
ing is too good to be lost, and may be ben
efcal to some gentleman who has an un-
suspecting wife. A certain man, who
lived about ten miles from D., was in
the habit of going to town about once
month. and getting on a "spree," and
would not return until he had time to cool
off, which took generally two or three
days. His wife was ignorant of the cause
of his staying out so long, and suffered
greatly from anxiety about his welfare.
when he would return, of course his con-
fding wife would inquire what had been
the matter with him, and the invariable
reply was, d" that he was caught on the
jury, and conld'nt got off,"
Having gathered his corn, and placed
it in large heap, he, according to Gus
tom, determined to call in his neighbors
and have real corn-shucking frolic So
he gave Ned,' faithful servant, a jug
and an order to 90 to town and get gal
lon Of whiskey-a very necessary article
on such occasions Ned mounted mule
and was soon in town, and equipped with
the whiskey, remounted to set out for
home, all buoyant with the prospect Of
fun at " shucking." When he had pro-
ceeded few hundred yards from town,
he concluded to try the " stuff, and, not
satisfied with once, he kept trying until
the world turned round so fast that he
turned off the mule, and there he went to
sleep and the mule to grazing. 1t was
now nearly night, and when Ned awoke
it was "just before the break O day." and
so dark that he was unable to make any
start towards home until light. As soon
as his bewiderment had subsided so that
he could get the points" he started with
an empty jug the whiskey having run
out-an1 afoot for the mule hid gone
on home. OF course he was contempa-
ting the application of "two year old
hickory" or piece of twisted cowhide,
as he went on at the rate of two-forty.
| Ned reached home about breakfast time,
and " fetched up" at the back door with
decidedly guilty countenance.
What have you been at, you black
rascal 2" said his master
Ned, knowing bis masters excuse to his
wife when he got on spree, determined
to tell the sruth if he died for it, and said:
Well, massa, to tell the truth, I aoaS
caught on the Jn1y and corldnt get
off,"
AND Tho | LET HIM."-A school
teacher relates the following amusing in
cident. One day saw little fellow
with his arms around witch of a girl
endeavoring, If l interpreted the manifes-
tation right, to Kiss her
Tommy" said I. "what are you do
ing there?"
Nothing, sir" spoke the bright-eyed
little witch he wath trying to kith me,
that he wath thr," and eyed him keenly.
"Why, Lucy, what prompted him tc
act so ungentemanly, right here in
SCHOOL, asked, anticipating some fun.
"Oh, he hitchod up here and wanted
me TO kth him, and I told him wouldn't
kith thuch thassy boy as he ith; then
he thed he'd kith me, and | told him he
darthn't, but he thed he would do it, and
! told him I'd tell the mathter, if he did 4;
but he thed he didn't care thump for
the mathtor, and then he tried to kith me
hard ?" and the little thing sighed.
"Why didn't you tell me as soon as
you could ?" | asked in a pleasant man.
ner.
"Oh," she replied, with naivete did
not often see, " l didn't care much if he
did kth me, and tho let him."
Here the whole school which had been
listening attentively, broke out in an up
roarious laugh, while our young hero and
heroine blushed deeply.
PRENTICE ON EMERsoN.-Why may
not there be another Homer. another
Milton, another Shakespe are, and an
other Jesus Christ p Ralph Waldo
Emerson.
We don't think it worth while to say
why, but if an inquisitive critic SHOULD
ask why, there might not be another
Emerson, he would probably answer
himself by saying that nature exhaus
ted her stock of blasphemous audac
ity in making the frst'- Prentice.
A Dutchman on being called upol
to help pay for a lightning rod for thu