The Buchanan County guardian. (Independence, Buchanan County, Iowa) 1858-1864, 1858-12-16
60 Touching and fearful Case of Hydro
phObia.,,

g TOuching and fearful Case of Hydro
phObia.',
It- The above heading attracted our
attention, on opening the last weeks is
sue of that delcctaJle sheet, the indie
pendence Civilian, and on casting our
eye over the choice selection of matter
filing the editorial columns, we could
not help mentally exclaiming-" How apt
and comprehensive title y 1t is plain
ly and wofully evident that there has
been " Touching and Ieartm case" of
Rabies somewhere in the vicinity Of the
Civilian Office, and that the spa.,ms, about
the time the articles in question were in
dited, were at inc acme ofintensity. The
subject, in health, must have been an
extraordinarily filthy one, or else the hy-
drophobic virus has wrought most as
founding physical and moral revolution
in him. The slobber which he spis out
is most nauseating, and the expressions
uttered during his frenzy, prove an ac-
quaintance with the vocabulary of Bill
lingsgate, that only an intimate associa.
ton with its most debauched denizens
could have given him. In order to give
our friends some idea of his condition, VIC
repeat few of his choice explosives,
which were, it seems, directed against
ourself In the short space of column,
he launched at our devoted head, the fol-
lowing Canine whelp-malignant cur
crazy critlc-insolent, pompous, and
abortive scullion--veritable, insipid and
detestable puppy-frantic cur--cheap
Notwithstanding idiot-mulish cat
tle--noisome scurf--rabid animal-un-
meaning, idiotic babbler--wretched and
insane Misunderstanding poltroon-slav
ing understanding political wheed-
ler--pampered MISUNDERSTANDING BOBBY
--ontielenal, hydrophobic Richman.' -
Besides these, we are called ass--fool
--liar-vil!ainous liar--hypocrite--co
temptble Guack--a thing--contemptble
hypocrite--dog--a thief--a villain-a
heap of manure--a hog"
There, patrons Of the Guardian, YOU
have our picture, as we appeared to the
classical graduate when he was suffering
an intense spasm of frenzy. If we are
correctly painted, we must be greater
curiosity than Joice Heath, Tom Thumb,
Barnum's Mermaid, the. Woolly Horse,
the Maine Giantess, a host of Boa Con-
strictors, and the Big Fat Woman, all
put together. We are puppy, hog, a
dog, an ass, and great variety of other
cattle"-in fact, a good-sized menag-
erie. We shouldn't wonder IL we might
prove great speculation to a Snowman,
and the sooner somebody buys us up
(the privilege Of stealing $3.50 won't do
it, howeyer) the sooner he will be apt TO
make his fortune.
We do not propose to follow this rabid
graduate through the dirty by ways of
Billingsgate, from whence he derives
not only his language, but his ideas and
arguments. We take pride in saying that
we are not only unequal to the task, but
that we have higher opinion of the tastes
of our readers, than TO suppose that they
have sympathy for, or favorable APP
probation of, the products of that locali-
ty. Such slang proves nothing, and con-
sequenuy cannot affect us a particle. Ep-
ithets are of no moment when they lack
applicability. Wit is but bastard, and
pointless, when it lacks every element of
truth. Any fool can cry liar, idiot boo
by, and can assume, with disgusting eff
frontery, and ridiculous egotism, that
such things answer for arguments, and
annihilate those to whom they are applied
Hydrophobic Graduate presents, in HIM
self, an amusing instance Of this. He
very lunnily assumes, and bombastically
asserts, that he has " chawed" us up,
spit us out, and kicked the little pieces Of
sausage meat made of us, into the re-
hottest depths of oblivion, from whence
not even hair of our ghost will ever
be allowed TO emerge unmolested. He
has done, and promises to do, all this,
through his power rs a critic, and yet
it is fact, that the two sentences used
by us, and criticised by him, are right
and proper. The one" Lut the radiance
chat precedes the sun, he acknow-
lodges to be correct. The other" fol-
low up measures like these, and the fend
Of slaoeyy will die like scorpion pois-
oned with its own fangs he still insists
is not correct, and gives one Of his pc
culiar arguments TO show why, viz -
lyon 1--WE are fool TO say .fend Of
siaceiy' is correct" This is rather