The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1858-06-16
THE HOLE IN MY POCKET.
BY JAMES H. PERKINS.

/. y
water, have you that half dollar about
you that 1 gave you this morning?'
felt in my waistcoat pocket, and felt in
my brecches pocket, and turned my
purse inside out, but it was all empty
space-which is very different from spo
Gle; so said to Mrs SIackwater, I've
lost it, my dear; positively, there must
be hole in my pocketp I'll sew it up
she said.
An hour or two after, I met Tom
Stebbius. How did the ice cream set?'
said Tom.
/ 1t set,' said I, like the sun-glori-
ously.' And, as I spoke, it flashed upon
me that my missing half dollar had paid
for those ice creams; however, 1 held
my peace, for Mrs Slackwater sometimes
makes remarks; and, even when she as
sured me at breakfast next morning that
there was no hole in my pocket, what
could do but lift my brow and say,
Sab! isn't there, really
Before week had gone by, my wife,
who, like a dutiful helpmate, as she is,
always gave me her loose change to keep,
called for 25 cent piece that had been
deposited in my Sub Treasury for safe
/ keeping; there was poor woman at the
door, she said, 'that she'd promised it
TO for certain well, wait moment,
I cried SO 1 pushed my inquiries in this
direction, then in that, then in the other !:
but vacancy returned horrid groan:
'Ou my soul,' said 1, thinking it best to
show bold front, you must keep my
pockets in better repair, Mrs. Slackwa.
ter; this piece with, L know not how
many more, is lost, because some corner
or seam in my plaguoy pockets is left
open.'
Are you sure p said Mrs. Slackwa-
ter. cas- sue
'surel aye, that am, it's gone,l te
totally gone =
Ny wife dismissed her promise, and
then, in her quiet way, asked me to
change my pantaloons before went out,
and to bar all argument, laid another
pair on my knees.
That evening, allow me to remark,
gentlemen of the species husband I
was very loath to go home to tea; I had
half mind to bore some bachelor friend
and when hunger and habit, in the unas
| ooah
cd me up to my own door, the touch of
the brass knob made my blood run cold.
| But do not think Mrs Slockwater is a
Tartar, my good friends, because 1 thus
shrunk from home; the fact was that 1
had, while abroad, called to my mind
the fate of her 25 cent piece, which /
had invested, as larger amounts arc Of
ten invested, in noko, that is to say,
in cigars; and I feared to think of her
comments upon my pantaloons pockets
Thus things went on for some months;
we were poor to begin With, and grew
| poorer, or, at any rate, no richer, fast.
Times grew worse and worse; even my
pocket book was no longer to be trusted,
the rags slipped from it in manner
most incredible to relate, as an Irish
song says,
sAnd such was the fate of poor Paddy o.
| x Moore, 5-l 5s3
That his purse had the more rents, as he had
the fewer"
At length one day, my wife came in
with subscription paper for the Orphan
Asylum, looked at it, and sighed and
picked my teeth, and shook my head,
and handed it back to her.
Ned Bowen she said, 'has put down
ten dollars
sThe more shame to him. replied,
he can't afford it; he can but just scrape
along any low, and in these times it
amt right for him to do it, My wife
smiled in her sad way, and took the pa
per back to him that brought it.
The next evening she asked me If
would go with her to see the Bowens,
and as 1 had no objection, we started.
I knew that Ned Bowen did small
business that would give him about 5000
a year, and thought it would be worth
while to see what that sum would do in
the way of house keeping. We were
admitted by Ned, and welcomed by Ned's
wife, very neat little body, of whom
Mrs. Slackwater had told great deal,
as they had been school mates. All was
as nice as wax, and yet as substantial
as iron; comfort was written all over the
room. The evening passed, some how
or other, though we had no REFRESHMENTS
an article which we never have at home,
but always want when elsewhere, and l
returned to my own establishment with
mingled feelings of pleasure and cha
grin. asd
What pity I said to my wife
'that Bowen don't keep within his in
come
He does she replied.
How can he on $780, said, 'if he
| gives $40 to this charity, and $5 te
that, and lives SO snug and comfortable
too2'
/ Shall I tell you p s
| 'Certainly, if you can.'
lFoIiis wife, said my wife, finds it just