Monmouth weekly herald. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1854-1860, 1858-12-23
Sketch of Washington Citv,

A correspondent Of the Nashville Pa.
triot, thus trenchantly cuts up tile preten-
sions, political and social, of that metro
politan sink Of iniquity, yclept the city Of
Washington -:
+" Washington City, tho capital Of the
nation, the home, during terni-time, Of the
President, (alSo the temporary residence
of five hundred and ten men who conf
IDENTIFY expect to be Pfesidentl aud the
seat Of The United States Gas Works.
technically called Congress,) il situated
in the District Of Columbia. a territory
covering "a horizontal surface of ten miles
square, and extending perpendieularly all
the way through. AS every place in the
city is from three quarters Of "a mile to
a mile and three quarters from every
where else, Washington is called, in
Fourth of July Orations, and that style of
literature generally, 8 the city of magnif
icent distances" 1t derives its name of
Washington from a celebrated continents
al officer who bailt the pine huts, and
forced his way through a very hard win
ter at Valley Forge, and made Cornwall,
lis the corn at Yorktown. The principal
public buildings of the city are the Patent
Office, where the Yankees are granted the
exclusive right to manufacture and sell
India Rubber baby jumpers, double gear
ed rat traps, Railways Ready Relief
which is warranted to relieve you Of your
money, if nothing else-and other valua-
Bile inventions of the age the General
Post Office, where they superintend the
management Of the various mail routes of
the country the National Treasury, an
institution Of learning which has gradua-
ted more men in the art Of ~swindling the
Government than any ten similar or dis
similar institutions Of the world and the
City Jail, which is the only public build
ing in Washington which is devoted to
honest purposes at all, both the perma
nent and temporary residents of the city
being too deeply engaged in their own
rascallties to think of Furnishing other
people for theirs.
There are two monuments in Washing
ton, one of red granite erected to the
memory of Mr.. Smithson, at his own ex
pense and a monument to the folly, pen.
urlousness and lngratitude Of the Ameri-
can people. The latter is about so feet
high, with upward Though hopeless) ex-
pectations Of some five or six hundred
feet. It's commonly called the Washing
ton or National Monument. General
Taylor caught his death in 1860 at the
laying of the corner stone of this struc-
tule. 1t is hardly possible that any of
his successors will perish at the laying of
the cap stone. 1t is much more probable
that Presidents will be done with at least
six weeks before that event arrives.
The imports of Washington consist
principally of office seekers and pickpock-
cts (both of which are frequently combin.
ed in one,) and fast women, who Indirect
ly make half the laws that are put
through Congress. The exports are dis
appointed politicians and whiskey. The
latter is generally bottled, or rather I'M
bottled in members Of Congress for trans
portation.
Taking it altogether, Washington is an
exceeding hard place. The public men
there are all very honest and upright,
however, that is, until they go home aud
turn against the Administration, when of
course, they become like Stephen A Dou.
glas, and John w. Forney, the most CON
summate scoundrels unhung. VIZ have
the authority Of a number Of A~dministra-
ton newspapers for saying 50.
During the sitting Of Congress, innu-
merable murders and robberies are com
mitted in the city but as everybody
there is above suspicion, and wouldn't
hurt a hair of your head, nor take the
smallest coin from the Treasury, the per-
petrators in7aribly escape detection. I'm
der these benign auspices, it is no wonder
that it cannot or has not, been said Of
Washington as was recently said of a one
horse town in Kentucky, that if, at the
last day, Gabriel should happen to light
there first, the resurrection would indef-
nitely be postponed, for some one of the
inhabitants would swindle him out of his
horn before he could make a single toot."