Kanawha Valley star. [volume] (Charleston, Va. [W. Va.]) 1856-1861, 1858-11-16
MR.. SUITS AND HIS WIFE.
eorEe TO rHE sPRIsas 70 oEr i apkIRD

places. Iou can see that Suits wasn't
worth more than ten cents on q dollar
He smoked inordinately, and waited pa.
tiently for an old aunt to dieEforI five wears,
because lie expected to become heir at
tie end Of thattine. But. unfortunately
for him. she scared up 3'a husband |;
worse Than that, she scared up I i ba4
by. Alas, poor Suits !! But he rallied;
raised . goatee, imperial and lhoustashe /;
practieee singing wore 4 rose III histbut-
ton hole land determined togo out and
wilma wife from among The riebtr upper
crRsts.5 With ibis view he benthis Steps
to Newport
SUITS iookad over the enhance book
at4he Springs; saw the name of Miss
Arimethea Fitz Google, and Servants
!" All that 5 the talk e said lie, Il shefrich
and beautiful, may be !; geIin Statta. for
you have little go in Tile d man T.
Wei, he got an introduetionand danced
attendance on Her nine days and quarter;
had jasi Eve dollars left, concluded sSmeI
Thing must be dun quick went dowfson
bis .iaarrow-bones TO her /; hiskel heif fin
ger rlngs;2 told her he had n pistol all
.loaaeti; If size s4fd noihe neantIto put Tie
whole charge right into Hill gizzard ;
wouil shoot tile first man that looked at
her !; would lone her till death, and after
too, If lie could SO Arimethea IFitz Cog
Gle bent down her head and Whispered
a. Yes" Oh Lord Suits felt Ike aa
anbroken colt that night. He drank
champagne and barnt cigars TIL morning
determined to ray for them after he WAS
.'bonq other bore" Well, both We're
in a hurry, and soon tie twain weres one
assli, rs far as tie ceremony was concern,
ed. t4j
Suits wsnta bed frst; nlsyl Often do
that, although il u, not customary. lie
lay there watching his idpIdisrobe. With
all the fond, blissful feelingsI4F a young
husband on his wedding night HsIhaa
d wife, q real, living LADY, with lots d
means Gracious ! he had enough to
think ABOUT. The gas was left burning,
50 that He might see what be never be
held before, namely. a wifes comingto bed
Mrs. Suits glanced at her lord who pre-.
tended to snore softly, norler that X
might not terrify her. Poor thing !! as il
a woman who ffequents watering PLACED
don't get used 70 every thing. We'll :
she went to the dressing bureau and pro.
ceeded to take off one plat Of hair and
two masses Of rfinslets. leaving a very
small amount ofthat important article d
female beauty on her pate. Mr.. Suits
heart gave terrific bound. and then stood
still He opened his eyes to see w4hat
would come next. Then she put bpth
hands into her mouth and undid her lip
per jaw, which dropped instanter;; she
wiped il carefully and laid it1bsfore bic
hair. Mr.. Suits gasped painfully, And
thrusting his foot down against The foot,
board, calculated a i" dam, Il With ia
lions behind it, and began 70 think Of his
SINS. ilf# Bs HI
By and BY. she undidherf5rnl, andfof
came 4 pair Of funny looking whalebone
things, of tremendous size, leaving hel
any thing but an Iattaefiye armfull. Oh
mercy Suits Bit his tongue. and his
eyes were nearly starting from Mis- head
he spelt mad dog backwards haIf IA do4eT
times, and-zkept on looking. fFsShe Tier
put her finger to her left eye, and horrpr
but it came. Suits hoped right oge,
and groaned in agony, biting the .baa
clothes. jerking his feet UP and down ltk'
4 mailman Mrs. S. asked him III he Wal
Sick, 4 No roared Suits, H II am ills
recovering IL
Presently The Newport beauty raised ia
skeleton aud undid her leg, and befdr,
Suits could hy ontof bed. off came III,
leg wiIha beau tiful stocking and gate
ion IT, Suits rushed out ofbea and seiz
Ee1his pants. Mis-; S. seized him. Sht
Hung an, and he pulled distraeselly.
Let SO Of Ins, you- T-femall'
monster" roared Suits how dare ~,
deceive me IN this way !? Let me COL:
say, or ! win alarm the inmates ofthe ZIP
tel, aud expose yyoi, = IS Do.''ilsaid Mrs
lis. II inform them what kind ofla wife ysi
succeeded IL getting after coming her
lexpressla for The purpose. IAhaEe gp
lyon, and Iden't intend to give you up
leo 20 10 work, nngdear, like d young ma
should, and support me !" ia I
Support you T. shrieked Suits. sGreA
iheavell YOU don'tmean 10 tell me tha
tyou epoor-that you haunt got mona
means you know b AM
IStutts' hair, geatee, imperial and NOUS
ftache bristled ppiin agony. = Got n
1moueY 4 no, fat, nenefl no more thai
yourself You owe for that leg Of mine
land you've got to paY for it / came hei
Is, eel q. husband-4I have got one j. yo
Eeame here to GET a wife We are both al
lceiyed --you are wyrth nothing, and I al
4 worth about the same amount. No
what are you agoing to do abous it
F. This, said Suits calmly drawing %
aIh:s trowsers q | am going 10 Leave vol
land this is how / viii pay you, and sell
ling her leg be threw il out he window
mrs. Isl screamed Mr. s. Jew dow
.Estairs. out Of the dbor--laid low all th
Elnsxt day col on a craft bound for Ne
q York, and ii course of time arrived. H
has never seen Mrs. s. since, but b
heard she had gone to Galifornis.
Somach foregoing from homs--to ii
u Syringe. To- get married.
ii r---ls 49, 81
II s. FoRKSs1o ELoouRNcE Gentlemen.
II the Jury; suppose thatsone Of you Wi
III u !,