Litchfield enquirer., 1858-02-04
The Land Fever.

1 The Land Fever.
 l A writer in the Saturday Eremimg Post who remained long enough to get a perfec view of the Western elephant" thus an swers some interrogatores proposed to hin 1 from Cambridgeport, Mass. This epistfe i written in jocular vein. Since returned ena igrants are beginning to compare notes, ont with another, the same dissatisfaction, weari ness of Western life and comforts, begin to ex hibit themselves. It would be happy cen clusion, if all who have left comfortable homes good estates, and thriving occupations, could take their disappointments so philosophically and treat them so pleasantly:
 1 Which is the best time for going West Spring or Autumn p
 "The best time for going West, is when you have the most money about you, and the least fear of losing it. If you come in the l Spring you are sure to shake yourself to death before Fall If you come in the Fall you live till Spring, if you don't freeze to death before you get there. If you come at all, you had better line your stomach with water proof ce- ment, so as to able to digest corn bread, bacon and whiskey for this is all we have to eat, l except few Fr nch frogs and few bilious Looking tadpoles, which we catch when the river runs down." -s.
 Second question:" What part of the West is it best to emisrate to, taking into consde- ration the healthiness of the climate P
 "A variety of opinions about that, my dear fellow. Our Senator, Mr. Douglas, says Ne braska is the best. So it is, if you want to go into the stock business, raise an unruly kind of cattle, that will stray off into Canada, ia spite of the compromise of 1850 or 1856, OF Senator Douglas. Or if you want to specu- late on papooses, white scaIps, or get your own taken of scientifically, go to Nebraska by all means. If you want to play poker for a living, and set up whiskey drinking for busi- ness, live on corn bread and bacon week days. and slippery elm-bark on Sunday, come to Hi nois. If you want to go where they have no Sundays, nor any thing to eat, only what they brought from the east, go to Iowa or, if you want to grass on all fours, and do as other kind of cattle do, go to Salt Lake. If you want to go where they receive the mail annu- ally, where they live on cranberries crumbled in water from the Mississippi river where three wigwams make city, and a paper of pins and a bar of Yankee soap make merchant go to Minnesota"
 Third question: Does the fever and ague prevail much in Wisconsin ?' "Of course it does Nobody out West is fool enough to ask that question. Every body shakes, even the trees shake you can't coax 2 plum to stay on till it is good for unytang. It will shake man out of bed, kick him out of doors, aud shake the bedstead at him till he gives it up ]" -
 Fourth question" How long does pre- emption claim last 2" -,z5.ss--,~
 That depends upon circumstances If you have gooi rife and know how to use it, you have chance to ten to live till you starye to death. But if you can't stand fire, and are not a good shot aud a quick one, take my word for it, you had better stay in Jericho un- til your beard be grown, for they are all too smart for you in these woods"
 And lastly: We want reliable inform ation as to where we can find healthy loca. ton, decent land, and fair water"
 Exactly. Why dear sir, there is no such thing as reliable information out West, unless you pay for it. A lawyer won't tell the truth unless you give hun $500, and then you cau believe half what he says, and scarcely half o that.
 "A witness won't tell the truth unless 70, first scare him to death, and make him swea he won't lie, and neither himself nor anybody else knows whether he tells the truth or not
 " If you want healthy country stay a home, and don't be fool like myself and com, out West. As for decent land, my dear fel low, what do you mean? You must know our wild prairie is very indecent, especially when it is burnt over and left as naked a when it is born. 'Tis true, nature weaves kind of Ag-leaf apron every summer out of coarse kind of grass, but it soon gets burne off, and is as indecent as eyer
 As for fair water, we have none, it is al bilious composed of liquid mud, dead butfa loes, fish and rotten rattlesnakes.
 "Our common drink, when we can't ge whiskey, is one third prairie mud and tobacc juice. -..-.. .. ....e..x
 "Upon the whole, if you have good water and can get enough to eat, stay where yo' are. Yours truly, w."