Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-03-17
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR.
Fact, Fancy and Fun

of virtue and prudence. a-.e
An Irishman was asked why he
wore his stockings wrong side out?
because there is hole on the 9TH
er side ov'em," was the reply.
An Albany man advertises for his
runaway wife, who ''is about Is years
of age, and of a loving disposition, and
has on three rattan hoops''
-''Mr. Smith, don't you think Mr..
Skeesicks is a young man of parts ?''
''Decidedly so, Miss Brown; he is part
n1mbskull, and part knave, and part
fool"
An exchange paper SAYS that the
girls in some parts of PENNSYLVANIA are,
so hard up for a husband, that they
some times take up with printers and
lawyers.
Among the articles announced for
sale in one of this weeks auctions, we
perceive an article entitled ssmahoga
ny child's chair The father of this
wonderful infant must have been of the
Wood family. -.-... ........ -...,
Gov. Wise is said to object to the
horse in Crawford's equestrian statue
OF Washington, recently placed upon 4
pedestal at Richmond. The governor
says cit is neither horse, mule nor lack.
ass" ~ Ga
-Bus-to kiss. Re-bus-to kiss again.
Blunder-bus-two girls kissing each
other. Omnibus-to kiss all the girls
in the room. Bus-ter-a general kisser.
II f'tatr'i-bels u,aen.-a thousand kisses
IN one. .t
do you know the prisoner, Mr..
Jones p eyes, to the bone" 'sNVhat
is his character 2" 'sDidn't know he
had any," ''Does he live near YOU ?"
$50 near that he has only spent IS. for
fire wood in eight years" '.o.:
John Randolph used to say that
John Quincy Adams was Serving out
the remaining four years of his fathers
term. A friend observes that Buchanan
is serving out the other four years of
Pierce's term in the same way.
Miss Drummond, the late famous
preacher among the Quakers, being
asked by gentleman if the spirit had.
ever inspired her with tlte thoughts of
marriage? "No, friend," said she,
''but the flesh hath often done so:'
-"Bubby, Why don't you 90 home
and have your mother sew up that aw-
full hole in your trowsers ~ "Oh, yo,t
git eout, old 'oman," was the respectful
reply, @our folks is 'conemizing, and a
hole Will last longer than a patch any
day. ,~D.f s5 - .sa'
A woman was testifying in behalf
of her son, and swore lie had worked
on farm sever since he was born.''--
The lawyer who cross-examined her
said: "Yo on assert that your son. has
worked on farm ever since he wss
born p Il do.'' "What did lie do
the first year % ale miIkedr' The
lawyer evaporated. 49, -... -Err. h..
The Rev. Mr.. spurgeon has dis
covered that dancing is very healthy
exersise. and to be commended, but it
is, hessdancing of ladies with the gentle
man that is SO Objectionable, and SO be
recommends that they practice The: Ell
tertainment separately.-We fear that
his arrangement Will not find much IA
vor with either sex, .,.- -.:..
A lady riding in carriage a few
weeks since, found herself seated by
the side of an old matron, who was ex-
ceedingly deaf: '-sls'
"Ma'am," said she in high tone,
''did you ever try electricity % .
"What did you say, Miss % -- g...
4 asked if you eyer tried electricity
for your deafness p,
90, yes, indeed / did: it's only last
summer l got struck by lightning, but
l don't see as it done me bit Of fgoodr'
a Mormon Elder, writing an &C.
count Of lis journey and companions to
Utah, tells Of preaching in places in
about the hardest string of names we
ever encountered. He tells that he
has visited and preached in the follow
ing places In Texas: Empty-bucket,,
Rake-pocket, Dough-plate, Buck-snort,
Possum-trot, Buzzard-roost, Harasclab-
blC, -Nl NlppCHCuCh duu JIlChSkIIlCG, IlOSL
Of which, however, he says, are simply
one-horse towns.
Our friend in K, a son of the
Emerald isle; had occasion to visit tie
South some time since. When he re,:
turned, he remarked that the Southern
people were very extravaganza. Upon
being asked why SO, he said that where
he staid they had candlestick WORTH
eleven hundred dollars; -at aE.a
"Why, how in the world could it
have cost that n1uch?n gasped Dams
friend.
''Och, be jabers, it was nothing more
than big nigger feller holding a torch
in his hand for us to eat by! L
Fun should be cultivated as = fna
art, for it is altogether a fine thino-
w no ever knew a funny man to, be
bad one? On the contrary, is not he.
nine times in. ten, generous, humane
and good? To be sure. he is. Fun
it is a great thing. It smoothss the
rough places of life, makes the disposi-
ton as sweet and rosy as fresh maid
ansc 1-:cs ,o,&&au