The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-09-11
HOW HE CARRIED THE SOup.

Tompkins is a small man. Without yio-
lating the incest shade Of truth, | might
describe him rs very small man. He
stands scarcely five feet IN height, and is
proportionate.y diminutive in circumstances.
But, mentally, whata difference! He is one
OF the most self-compl.cent men in exist
ence. He conceives himself, intellectually,
giant. He throws his little form into all
possible poses of dignity, in order to give
shape and consistence to his own conscious
ness of personal Importance. lie knits his
brows, and looks as truculent as Hercules,
in order to convey tn others full concep-
ton of his individual consequence.
Tompkins, of course, married n very large
woman. Mrs. T. is at least foot taller
than her august husband. She is rotund,
jolly, plump, adiposc, and the very picture
Of good humor. Her face is always robcd
in smile; and notwithstanding her size,
she is exceedingly timid, modest, self-sacri-
fcing, uno5trusive. She covers beneath the
the awful glance of her tiny spouse. Her
merriest laugh shrivcls up to whimpcr be-
meath his dignifed frown.
Tompkins is jealous Of his wife; not that
he has any substantial reason, for she is
the most correct litte-l mean big-woman
in the world. But his selfish nature, and
his tremendous estimation of himself, teach
his blood to boil at the bare idea Of any
other male human being daring to revel in n
smile that he conccivcs should be his own
private property. Mrs. Tompkins, to 10
her justice, seldom does smile when her
"lord and master" is in the vicinity. She
trembes too much to lndulsein such luxu-
ry. She stands in awe of the irritable little
controller of her earthly destiny.
How Mrs. Tompkins ever chanccd to mar
ry such an individual is mystery to some.
Others say he determined to have her in
crease his own consequence. Man and wife
beng one in law, their mingled proportions,
he argued, gave him bulk, height and
breadth-just what he lacked. So he call
ed on her one day, said he loved her dearly,
and threatened her with dire and unremittiug
vengeance if she refused his hand. The
poor woman welded him to get rid of her
fright!
Tompkins and l got up quite party to
visit the Crystal Palace one evening, when
it was yet in the zenith of its glory. Tomp-
kns could not leave his place of business
until dark; so it was arranged that the re-
mander Of US should 90 earlier and await his
coming. We engaged to meet him under
the dome, beside the great fountain.
really forgot which was the meeting place,
and this forsetfulness, it will be seen, led
to mischief.
We went ut five. We wandered all about
the building. We examined all the curosi-
ties. We finally asccnded the picture gal
lerv, and there in the crowd, Mrs. Tompkins
and got separated from the rest Of the
party. For an hour or moro we walked in
the gallery till WAS quite weary, and so
was she, but no Tompkms was visible. At
length proposed that she and should 60
down to the main floor and witness n Curl
Gus optical effect had observed some time
before, of the Fresnel light. had noticed
that, by standing on the fourth step of the
left hand side Of the aisle. and looking
thence, for moment, steadily at the ar,if-
cial light in question, everything you gazca
at for several minutes afterwards appeared
to be corrugated into wrinkles
Mrs. Tompkins thought this would be de-
liShtful, and she laughed out joyously at
the idea of making everybody wrinSled in
the Crystal Palace, the young rs we'll as
the old. Away we wcnt-she and l-chat
ting aloud in the liveliest, happiest manner
imaginable. Just rs we reached the floor,
and got to the door, beside the fountain,
there stood Tompkns himself.
lie simply said, as we stopped short be-
fore him: q have waited here, 10y your
appointment, for two hours!'
Ills voice was hoarse with suppressed
emotion. His face was palld with anger.
lie glanced first at me and then nt his wife,
as if he would transfx Us both with the
ivbt IF md Nrs
| thought she would have swooned away
Had not been thundcrstruck ut the uncx-
pected meeting, | should have haw hawed
right out, and most immoderately. As it
was, his look and manner surprised me.
did not know what to think of them.
That Tompkins was jealous was palpable
and self evident; and had Mrs. I. been q
guilty creature. she could not have mani
Tested more apprehension and more rcmorse.
That we were both perfectly innocent Of
even an improper thought, | knew: and yet,
it was awkward to be encountered, by eal-
Gus, man, under circumstances so cmbar-
RAISING.
But still it was not jealousy only that
afflicted him at this moment What was it:
Jealousy choked his uttcrance. Jealousy
made his eyes so flash with the CLEANS of
vengeance. jealousy had conjurcd up that
thunder cloud on his brow-a cloud which,
had he not been n pigmy, might have been
alarming. But it was not Jealousy that
made him stand in such an akward position.
1t was not jealosy-it was clearly something
else, besides jealousy, that kept him erect
almost motionlcss. as if made of marble
neither turning his head to the right nor
to the lcft-his body only shrinking stiflv
within itself as the crowd passed by-shrink-
ing as it wcro involuntarily from the touch
Of all, as if tho slightest jar would disar-
range his limbs, or the faintcst shock pulver-
ize him on the sept. What could be the
matter with him?
& have been waiting here two hours, BY
your appointment,' he hoarscly repeated.
But not motion of his head-not gesture
not step towards us, or from the precise
spot he so rigidy occupied, did he make
was completely bewildered by his singular
conduct. Could he have gone insane? Or
was he only gathering up the necessary quiet
energy to kill me on the spot for keeping
his wife in good company till he should ar
rive?
looked at him again. There he stood,
as if his limbs had been suddenly turned to
stone. His eyes moved. His b1ows CON
tracted. His checks distcndcd. Rage dis
colorcd his lips. But in all other respects
he seemed paralyzed. Had his hat been
made of ton of cast iron, and he compell-
ed to endure the weight without hnching,
he conId not have maintained that stiff, ilu-
mobile position more appropriately.
However, explained to him that we had
awaited him in the picture gallery until per-
fectly tired out, and we had come down to
see Fresnel light.
'And | have stood here for two hours =
he fairly groaned, while down each side of
his face came trickling stream of thick
perspirnton that looked like soup.
90, psEaw!' replied, at last; 'don't play
the ghost any longer, then, but come up
stairs to the rest
Igrasped his arm as made this remark;
but cry of agony from Tompkins made me
drop it at once.
what on earth is the matter with you p
I exclaimed. 'Are you i'll ? Are you mad?'
Or arc you only enactiug Othello without
the burnt cork?'
Can you keep sccrct7' he hoar'e'y whis-
perered.
Certainly can.'
is there private room convenient p he