Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1858-09-23
Mr. Blifkin's Baby.

That first baby was a great institution.
AS soon as he came into this "breath-
ing world" as the late w. Shakespeare
has 1T, he took command in our house.
Everything was subservient to him.
The baby was the balance wheel that
regulated everything. He regulated the
temperature, he regulated the food, he
regulated the servants, he regulated me-
For the first six months of that precious
existence he had me up on an average
SIX times night "Mr Blifkins," SAYS
my wife 81 think [ feel draught of air;
| wish you would get up and see if the
window is not open little, because ba-
by might get sick" Nothing was the
matter with the window as I knew very
well. 'Mr. Blifkins," says my wife,
just as | was going to sleep again, "that
lamp, as you have placed it, shines di-
rectly in baby's eyes-strange that you
have no more consideration. Iarrang-
ed the light and went to bed again.
Just as | was dropping to sleep again,
SMr. Blltklns," said my wife, 'did you
,n 2! + to buy that broma to-day for the
baby?" My dear" said /, evil you
do me the injustice to believe that
could oyerlool>a matter SO essential to
the comfort Of that inestimable child ?''
She apologized very handsomely but
made her anxiety the scape goat. / for
gave her, and without saying a word
more to her / addressed myself to sleep
again. 'sMr. Blifkins," said nv wife.
shaking me, "you must not snore so, you
Will wake the baby" Gust so-iust
SO" said /, half asleep, thinking I was
Solon Single. Mr.. Blifkins," said
my wife, twill you get up and hand me
the warm Cruel from the nurselamp for
baby 1.-THE dear child ? if it wasn't for
his mother don't know what he would
40. How. can you sleep so, Mr., Blif-
klnsE suspect, my DEAR" said /,
" that il is because l am tired ooh,
IT'S very well for you men to talk about
bein tired, said my wife; 81 don't know
what you would say if you had to toll
and drudge like a poor woman with
baby" tried to soothe her by telling
her that she had no patience at all, and
got up for the posset. Having aided in
answering the baby's requirements, /
stepped into bed again, with the hope
of sleeping. "Mr. Blifkins," said she
in louder key. | said nothing. ooh
dear " said that estimable woman, in
great apparent anguish, chow can man
who has arrived at the honor of a live
baby of his own, sleep, when he don't
know that the dear creature will live till
morning." | remained silent, and, after
a while, deeming that Mrs. Blifkins had
gone to sleep, | stretched my limbs for
repose. How long | sleptI don't know,
but l was awakened by a furious jab in
rv-forehead by some sharp instrument.
| started up, and Mrs. Blifkins was sit
ting up in the bed adjusting some por-
ton OF the baby's dress. She had, in q
state OF semi-somnolence, mistaken my
head for pillow, which she custolnari-
ly used for nocturnal pin cushion. /
protested against such treatment in
somewhat round terms, pointing to sew
eral pertorations in my forehead. She
told me l should willingly bear such tri-
fling things for the sake of the baby. L
insisted upon it that [ didn't think my
duty as parent to that young immor-
tai required the surrender of my fore
head as pin cushion. This was one
OF the many nights passed in this way.
The truth was, that the baby was what
every other mans first baby is, an auto
crat-absolute and unlimited. Such
was the story Of Blifkins as he related
it to us the other day. 1t is little ex-
aggerated picture Of almost every mans
experience.