Nashville patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1858-1860, 1858-11-16
The Art of Living with Others.

In the first place. if people are to live
happily together, they must not fancy, be-
cause they are thrown together now, that all
their lives have been exactly similar up to the
present time, that they started exactly alike,
aud that they are to be for the future of the
same mind. A thorough conviction of the
difference of men is the great thing to be
assured of in social knowledge; it is TO life
what Newton's law is to astronomy. Some
times men have a knowledge of it with re-
gard to the world in general; they do not eX-
pect the outer world to agree with them in
all points, but are vexed at not being able to
drive their own tastes and opinions into
those they live with. Diversites distress
them. They will not see that there are many
forms of virtue and wisdom. Yet we might
a. well say, "why all these stars; why this
difference; why not all one star?''
Many of the rules for people living together
in peace follow from the above. For instance
not to interfere unreasonably with others, not
to rdicuie .fheir tastes, not to question and
re-question their resolves, not to indulge in
perpetual comment on their proceedings, and
to de light in their having other pursuits
than ours, are all based upon thorough
perception of the simple fact that they are
not we.
Another rule for living happily with
others is to avoid having stock subjects Of
disputation. 1t mostly happens, when people
certain set topics, round which. from frequent
dispute, there is such a growth of angry
words, mortified vanity, and the like, that
the original subject of difference becomes a
standing subject of quarrel; and there is a
tendency in all minor disputes to drift down
to it,
Again # people wish to live well together.
they must not hold too much to logic, and
suppose that every thing is to be settled by
Iir
clearly with regard to married people when
he said, ''Wretched would be the pair cbove
all names of wretchedness who should be
doomed to adjust by reason, every morning,
all the minute details of domestic day. y
But the application should be much more
general than he made il, There is no time
Tor such reasonings, and nothing that is worth
them. And when we recollect how two law
yers, or two politicians can go on contending
and that there is no end of one-sided reason
ing on any subject, we shall not be sure that
such contention Is the best mode of arriving
at truth; but certainly it is not the way TO
arrive at good temper.
If YOU would be loved as companion
avoid unnecessary criticism upon those with
whom YOU live. The number of people who
have taken ont Judges patents for themselves
is very large in any society. NowS il would
be hard for a man to live with another who
was always criticising his actions. even If il
were kindly and just criticism. 1t would be
like living between the glasses of micro
scope. But these self-elect,d jueges, like
their prototypes, are very apt to have the
persons they judge brought before them in
the guise of culprits. One Of the most
provoking forms OF the criticism above allud-
ed 10 l. that which may b. called criticism
over the shoulder. Had | been consulted
-"IIad you listened 10 me"-"BLt You
always willn-and such short scraps of
sentences, may remind many Of US Of dis
sertations which we have suffered and inflicted
and of which We cannot call 10 mind any
soothing effect.
Another rule is, not TO let familiarity
swallow up all courtesy. Many OF as have
habit Of saying 10 those with whom We live
such things rs We say about strangers behind
their backs. There is no place, however.
where real politeness Is of more value than
where we mostly think II would be superilu-
Gus. You may say more truth, or rather
speak out more plainly TO your associates,
bat not less eourtesly than You do TO strangers.
Again: We must not expect more from the
society OF our friends and companions than il
can give; and especially must not expect
contrary things. Ii Is somewhat arrogant to
talk OF travelling over other minds. (miad be-
ing tor what We know. Infinitely bat still We
become familiar with the upp-rasiews. tastes,
aud tempers OF our associates; aud il Is
hardly in man To estimate justly what Is
Familiar tG him. In travelling along at night,
a. Haslitt says, We catch glimpse into
cheerfui-looking rooms, with light blazing Ia
them, and We conclude involanlarily how
happy the inmates must be. Yet there l.
heaven and hell In those rooms. the same
heaven and hell that we have known in
others.--F1eisds ~ G5sssea.