Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1858-08-17
From the Boston Transcript.
The Laws of Marriage.

The Laws Of Marriage.
One of the greatest questions that is at pres
ent forcing itself upon the consideration of tn
age is the great one of whom we shall marry
and as supplementary to it, what shall work tn
dissolution of the marriage bond2 These gres
questions have, for years, with the subtle anaIy
sis that marks our times, received profound at
tention from the psychologist on the one hand
and the psychologist on the other. I wish ii
this article to give review of the opinions o
each of them.
The prevalent psychologist belief on these mat
ters has found its expression in the pages of nov
elists 1t is that marriage should be the resul
of an overmastering and usually blind sentiment
technically known as romantic love. That suct
sentiment as this does exist in the range o
human feelings, in other words, is splendid re
ality, no man conversant with the history of hi
kind can deny.
This sentiment is, before marriage, much more
general among women than among men. A
mong maidens, it is the rule among unmarried
men, it IL the exception. Among the hundred.
OF unmarried men whom | have known, and
who have made highminded and satisfactory
husbands, it would be an extravagant estimate
to say that twenty per cent. of them have fell
the passion of love anterior to marriage, as maid
ems feel it, or as novels teach it. And | know
that if most men were to delay marriage Til
they realized the feelings of Romeo or an Ell
don, they would never attain "that only bliss
that has survived the fall" Here, then, is g
large class of men eminently fitted to be the
heads of happy homes who, if they would full
the relations for which nature has designed
them, must be led into marriage by another
guide than love as it is usually understood
That guide is easily designated as preference
guided by Judgment. In the matter of roman
tic love we are liable to many mistakes. Ihave
known q strong natured man to love q timid,
shrinking girl, as father would love child
He married for love, and married honestly
But when the hour came that he needed in his
wife companion and consolation, he found
that, as guide to marriage, his passion had
proved mistaken one. On the other hand, a
man may love q woman from gratitude, almost
~ he would love guardan-marry from love
in honesty, and waken to bitter regret. And
il is fact too well established to be denied,
that many marriage, beginning in love as tul
as ever was depicted by Scott or Goethe,
has resulted in wretchedness. have seen such.
For reasons like these, should say that the on.
ly safe rule for marriage in any case, is prefer.
ence, guided by judgment, even if the sacrifice
of ''loye's young dream" be the cutting of OF
the right hand" or ''the plucking out of the
right eye"
In the Sermon on the Mount find rule with
regard to marriage. take human beings love,
his lite, his magnificent domestic possibilities, to
be his pearls, if anything can be thus designa.
ted. We are told not to cast these pearls before
swine. If /, therefore, an earnest man, IN poll
tics religion or social regeneration, bestow
soul, thus devoted, upon woman whose beauty
or accomplishments have fascinated me, but
who is thoroughly Indifferent to my relations to
duty, have substantial guarantee OF q wretch
ed life. Do not misunderstood me. A man
does not want q wife who can grasp and execute
like himself. But he does want one who can ap-
preciate and sympathize. A Whitetield does
not want wife who can rouse to ecstacy Spit
altield's weavers and Cornish miners. But he
does want wife who loves Methodism, rather
than Presbyterianism or Unitarianism, or who
is interested in souls rather than literature and
fashion. In minor matters, like habits, tastes
and manners, judgment must be used; but
have sufficiently designated the form OF action.
| must here, however, put in cayeat against
refining too far, in this action of the judgment.
Perfect union can be looked for nowhere.
If what have said already be true, it is evil
dent that marriage should never take place till
the parties have learned what life really is, and
their views of duty have become we'll defined.
The man or woman who marries another who
is not yet in earnest about anything, runs great
risk. In the years to come there may be an O.
ternal divergence. Another inevitable corollary
is that marriage should never follow short or
superficial acquaintance. Marry in haste to
repent at leisure" be it the wit of what one it
will, is undoubtedly the dearly bought wisdom
of many.
In conversation with Boswell, / believe, his
sound Drained old friend secuted the idea that
some one particular woman was Indispensable
to the happiness of some one particular man,
and added that there were fifty women, proba-
bly,, whom any man knew who would make him
as happy as any other could.
Marriage has shown in this country, of late
years, most wretched phases. Clowds of such
instances like those of and the
New York Hotel, have been noised all over the
world. Crowds of instances that are known on
ly in limited circles, occur daily. The spread Of
the free love doctrine shows a deep.seated dis
ease that demands as radical remedy. In Eu'
rope, where marriages OF convenience are very
common, this demand might naturally have been
looked for if the usually received love theory
were correct. But in this land, where COM
petence is attanable by every one, and mesal.
lance is an impossibility, our people have mar
ried in accordance with the teachings OF Felicia
Hemans and Letitia Landon. And the result,
think, has shown that suggestions Of the use Of
the Judgment in forming union were not need
less. And let me not be accused OF cold STU
bid idea of dealing with what should be alone o
dictate of the heart. said, preference guild
ed by judgment" And believe that the man
who can say to q woman, 81 not only prefer you
from feeling, bat my Judgment approves what
my affections suggest" pays her q higher and
more delicate compliment than one who says
~ will love you in defiance OF every dictate o.
prudence, and every consideration of duty"
Still River, Mass. }. b. ".
The Lynchburg Virginian finds in some OF its
exchanges, the following significant paragraph
from the Cincinnati Enquirer, the editor OF
which paper is Postmaster at that city, and
Democrat of the first water r:-"fhe remark Is