Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-09-29
Fact, Fancy and Fun.


Important discovery-that black
berry is green when it is red
We often hear of a widow mend
ing her constitution by repairing.
Life appears too short to be spent
IN nursing animosities, or in registering
wrongs.
"A man recently acalkeI two davs
running and was aeeek a fortnight af-
terwards.
He loves YOU better who tries to
make you good, than he who tries to
please you.
Sir" you are Just like the motions
OF dogs tail. "How So" Because
you are a wag."
Imprint the beauties of authors up
on your imagination, and their morals
upon your heart.
Down the lower edge Of decorum
the dress of a number of ladies who
walk our streets.
Grey hairs, like honest friends, are
plucked out and cast aside for telling
unpleasant truths.
The fellow who got drunk on cleo
ton day, said it was owing to his effort
to put down party spirit"
There are two reasons why we
don't trust man; one, because we don't
know him; and the other because we
| do.
Why are ladies ike bells? Be
canse you can never find ont their
metal until you have given them
ring.
If you want to kiss pretty girl
why kiss her---if you can. If y pretty
girl wants to kiss YOU why let her, like
a man.
Refusing to pay your printers bib
and robbing a henroost are the same
thing in Dutch, only a little differently
expressed.
Every second of time, throughout
the busy hours of :he day, and during
the silence ofnight, an immortal soul
is passing from time into eternity.
| The young woman who does not
apologize when you find her in the
kitchen, but continues her task until
finished, will not fail to make 9 good
wife.
i have turned many n woman's
head, boasted a young nobleman Of
trA4ce.
Yes" replied Talleyrand, "auey
from you"
A lawyer asked a Dutchman in
Court what ear marks pig had that
was in dispute.
''Nell, he had no car marks, except
a very short tall
The Washington correspondent of
the Baltimore Patriot advises James
i5. Clay to "cast the beam ont of .lns
eye" No doubt he would, if he could
sell it for walking canes.
One person having asked another
if he believed in the appearance Of spir:
its, "No,'' was the reply; ''but1 believe
in their disappearance for / have miss
ed bottle OF gin since last night"
''Aiamn'a, mflpm|, pr T NJ, here's / .F4piipr hair ir
the bread" ''.' ~. -. " 80
'IIush, no it amt my child, it's only
| a corn silk
''s like that. WHO the mischief ever
| seen aaitS on corn silk before?"
-Pompey, why is a Journey round
! dis world like a cats tail?
"Well, | doze'nt exactly see any
semblance 'twit two cases"
"Wcll, den, | spec I'll have to tell
you. Bekase it am fur to the end of it."
Homestead exemption" exclaim-
ed Mrs. Partington, throwing down
the paper, cts come to a pretty pass,
indeed, that men are going to exempt
themselves from home just when they
please, without any provisions for cold
nights"
An editor of a country paper thus
, humorously bids farewell to his read
crS: The sheriff is waiting for US in
. the next room, so we have no opportu-
nifty to be pathetic Major Nab 'em
says we are wanted and must 90. De
linquent Subscribers, you have much to
| answer for. Heaven may forgive You,
but | never can"
A lady who must be relative Of
Mrs. Partington, we think by marriage
at least, was entertaining some friends
with fine leg Of mutton the other dav
when one Of the guests remarked that
the mutton was exceedingly fine in quail
ity. ,l.>
"O,' said she, 'snly husband always
buys the best. He is a great epicac"
-"Comc here ny little Eddy" said
gentleman to . youngster Of seven
years OF age, While sitting IN the parler
where large company were assenlb-
led; 'sdo you know me:''
es, sir, / think do
"W no am then: let ME hear.
~ ou are the man that kissed sister
Angeline last night n the parlor' %
Angeiine tainted.
The sold Theology" was probs-
bly, never more forcibly presented than
in the reply Of student at the recent