Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1858-10-28
Mr. Stats and HIS wife.

d places. You see Suits wasn't worth mo,
than ten cents on the dollar. He smoke
'nordinately, and waited patiently for /.
old aunt to die FIVE years, because he ex
), Pected to become her beir at the end {
that time. But, unfortunately for hin
:, shs scared up" husband; worse tina
that' she scared up" baby. Alas! poo
Suits 4 But he rallied raised a goatee
A imperial and moustache practiced sing
9 ing; wore rose in his button-hole An,
! determined to 60 in and win wife frou
among the rich upper crusts. With thi.
v's"' be bent his steps to Newport.
suits looked over the entrance book
saw the name Of Miss Arimethea Fit,
uogg'e and servant, and "that's the talk =
sa'd he; "she's rich aud beautiful, ma,
be; 90 in. Suits, for yoa are little 20 ia
like mani" He got an introduction
and danced attendance on her nine DAYS
and quarter +; had just FIVE dollars left
concluded something must be done darned
quick went down on his marrow. lopes
TO her; kissed her finger rings told her
he had pistol al loaded if she said no
ne meant to put the whole charge rto bis
g'zzard; would shoot the first man wbo
looked at her would love her till death.
and after that too if he could 90 Ari
methea Fitz Google bent down her head
and whispered YES" Oh, Lord! Suits
ielt like an unbrokcn colt that night
He drank champagne and burnt cigars
TIL morning, determining to pay for them
after he was ''bone of her bone" Well.
both were in hurry, and soon the twain
we're made one flesh, as far as the cere.
mony was concerned.
Suits went to bed first: men of,en do
that, although it's not customary. He Law
there watching bis idol dsrobe, with all
the fond, blissful feelings of young bus
band on his wedding night. He had
wife, real, live lady, with lots of means
Gracious he bad enough to think about
The gas was left burning, so he had good
view of what he never beheld before.
namely. awife coming to bed. Mrs. Suits
glanced at her lord. who pretended to
snore softly, in order that he nigh, not ter.
rify her. Poor thing as if a woman who
to everything Well. she wen, to the
dressing bureau and proceeded to take off
one plait of hair aud two masses Of ring
lets leaving very small amount of that
very important article Of female beauty.
Mr.. Suits heart gave terrified bound,
and then stood stock still lie opened his
eyes to see what would come next. Then
she put both hands into her mouth and
undid her upper jaw, which dropped in
stanter; she wiped it carefully and laid j;
before the hair. Suits gasped painfully,
and, thrusting his feet down against the
footboard, ejuculated q "dam," with ma
ton behind it, and began to think of bis
sins.
By and by she undid her form, and off
came pair Of funny-Iooking whs!ebone
things, each one the size Of pint bowl,
leaving her anything but An attractive arm
full. Oh, mercy! Suits bit bis tongue,
and his eyes were nearly starting from his
head; he spelled mad dog backwards half
q dozen times, and-kept on looking
Then she put her finger to her left eye,
and, horror out it came. Suits hoped
right over and groaned in agony, biting the
bed clothes and jerking his feet up and
down like a madman. Mrs. Suits asked
him if he was sick? NO. roarsd Suits,
IL am just recovering"
Presently the Newport beauty raised
her skeleton and undid her leg, and before
Suits could Ay ont Of bed, off came the
leg with beautiful silk stocking and sat-
in gaiter on it. Suits rushed out of bed |
and seized his pants Mrs. s. seized him.
She hung on, and he pulled distractedly.
LET 90 of me, you-you-temale mon
ster," roared S.ults ''how dare you de
ceive me in this way? Let GO, say, or
! will alarm the inmates oil the hotel, and
expose you.' /" Do said M-.. s., land
inform them wha: kind Of wife you sue
ceeded in getting, after coming here ex-
pressly for that purpose. have got you,
and don't intend to give you up /; so go to
work, my dear, like young man should,
and support me-
"Sspport you I" shrieked Suits. "6reat
heaven you don't mean to tell me you are
poor--.ha, you hsyen't got IN oney--plenty
Of means, you kno-.7a And 3tu.ts hair,
goa,e, imperial and moustscne bristled up
in agony. "Got no money no, you fiat,
none no more than yourself. You owe
for that leg Of mine, aud you've got to pay
for il! came here to get . husband--l
have got one; you came here To gel
wile--we are both deceived--you are worth
nothing, and am worth the same amount.
Now, what are you going 10 do about il 7
"Ths." said Suits, calmly drawing on
his trowsers. II am going 10 leave you,
aud this is how will pay YOU and ssiz
ing her leg he threw it out Of the window.
Mrs. y. scteamud--Mr. 8. few down stairs,
{ out OF the doorway. Laid low all the
next day got on craft bound for New
York, aud in the course Of time arrived.
He has never seen Mrs. ). since, but he
heard she had gone to California.
peA. 'I'm going to the post Office, Bob,
shall inquire for you y