Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1858-04-24
MRS. BIS ALARMS.
CONCLUDED !

wife's intcrjection, with extreme agility.
Seought Mrs. IL. would have ft but she
hadn't She told me, dear soul, upon no ac-
count to venture in the cold with my bad
throat. She would turn out the boast herself.
single handed. We arranged that she was TO
take hold OF my hugers. and retain them unt til
she reached the fireplace, where she would
dnd shovel or other offensive weapon fit for
The occasion. During the progress of this ex.
Sed.tion, however, 80 terrible a cateryaulino
broke forth, as it seemed, from the immediate
nsighborhood Of the fender, that nv discon.
cer'ed aelpma;e made a most preci cipitous re-
treat. She managed, after this mishap, to pro-
care light, and by a circuitous route, con.
structed Of tables and chairs, to avoid steppipr Q
upon the floor, Mrs. d. obtained the desired
weapon. 1t was then much better than play
10 oenoid that heroic woman defyipg grimnI Z in
from her cmineuCe, and to listen TO the change.
ini dialogue which cnsuod between herself and
that Tar iron dumb, though inarticulately
speaking animal
Fuss, puss, pusEy--poor pussy"
Mlau, mlau, miau, was the linked sbrill-
neas, long drawn out, Of the feline reply
Poor old puss, then, was it ill, Puss, puss.
Menry, the horrid beast is going TO 1y at me
Whist, whist, bat
"Ps-s-s-s, ps-s-s-s, miau; ps-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s,'
repIIed the other in a voice like fat in the fire.
:" Ny dear love- cried l. almost suffocated
with combination Of laughter and quinsy,
Poor thing to run to?''
Mrs. B. had all this time been exciting tho
bewildered animal to frenzy By her converse
t,on and shovel, without giving IL the opportu-
mty OF escape, which IS soon as offered it took
advantage OF, with an expression of savage i'm
Ptuence partakins very closely indeed cf the
character of an oath.
This Is, however, the sole instance of Mrs.
u 8 having ever taken it in hand to subdue
her own alarms. Ii is / who, ever since her
marriage, haye done the duty, and more than
the duty, OF an efficient house-dog which. be-
fore that epoch, | understand was wont TO be
discharged by one Of her younger sisters Not
seldom, IN these involuntary rounds of mine, I
have become myself the cause of alarm or in
convenience TO others. Our little foot.page.
with courage beyond his years and spirit
worthy Of better cause, very nearly trans
hxod me with the ki:chen-spit as was irving.
upon one occasion, the door of his own pantry
Upon another nocturnal expedition, | ran
against human body in the dark-that turned
out to be my brother-in-law's, who was also in
search OF rObbers-with a shock to both our
nervous systems such as they have not vet re-
covered from. II fell to my lot upon n third to
discover one Of the rural police up in our at
tics, where, in spite Of tie increased powers
lately granted to the county constabuIary I
could scarcely think he was entitled to be-
once presented myself, an uninvited guest, at
select morning entertainment-it was at 30
a. m.-giyen by our hired London cook to
nearly dozen of her male and female friends
No wonder that Mrs. B. had ''staked an exist
ence" that night that she had heard the area
aSate ego" When consider the extremely
free and uneonstraincd manner in which | was
received, poker and all by that assembly. nv
only surprise is that they did not signify their
arrivals by double knocks at the front door.
On one memorable night, and on one only,
have found 1t necessary to use that tormda-
kl. - LII. L L.,
lar to my hand as its flower to that of the
Queen Of Clubs
The gray OF morning. had just begun to steal
into our bedchamber, when Mrs B. calculated
with unusual yigor: Henry, Henry, they're
IN the front drawingroom; and they've Just
knocked down the parrot screen"
My love-" L was about to observe, '.your
imaginative powers have now arrived at the
pitch OF eatrrOyaHce," when a roise from the
room beneath Us, as if all the fire-irons had
gone off together with a bang, compelled me to
acknowledge 10 myself at least that there was
something in Mrs. B. 3 alarms Mt last [ trod
down stairs as noiselessly as [ could, and in
almost utter darkness. The drawipg-room
door was ajar, and through the creyice could
distinguish despite the gloom, as many as three
muffied figures They were all of them in
black clothing. and each wore over his face a
mask of Grape, fitting quite closely TO nis fea-
lures. hal never been confronted by any
ID.
Wolf ~ Of:en that had almost ceased 10
believe In wolves ot this deacription at all
Unused to personal combat, and embarrassed
by the novel circumstances under which /
found myself, / was standing undecided on the
landing. when | caught that welI-known whis-
per OF = H."ry, Henry, from the upper story
The burglars caught it also They dcsisted
from their occupation of examining the arti
cles oil ceTtH upon the chimney piece, while
their hendish cOuntenances axed into hid
eous grim Ono OF them stole cautiously to-
wards tho door who're | was Standing | heard
his burglarious feet, heard the Henry. Hen
~ :" still going on from abOve stairs; L heard
my own heart going pit-a-rdt, pit-a- pat within
me. IL was one Of those moments in which
ono lives a lie. The head of the craped ma
rauder was projected cautiously round the
door, as If to listen. poised my weapon. and
Drought II down with unerring aim upon his
rkull He fell like bullock beneath the axe
ana sped up to my bedchamber with all the
noiselessness and celebrity Of a bird Itwas
who locked the door this time, and piled tho
northumberland, two band boxes and a chair
against II with the speed Of lightning
Vas Mrs. Il. out of her mind with terror that
st such an hour as that she should induI,c in
ParOIysm Of Elirth1
Good heavens - l criod, q: be calm. nv
love; there are burglars in the house at last. Z
Ny dear Henry, she answered, laughing
50 that the tears quite stood in her ewes
am very sorry; L tried to call you back. But
when | sent you down stairs, quite forgot
tha' this was the morning upon which | or
dersd the sweeps"
One OF those gentlemen was at that moment t
lying underneath with Lis skull fractured, and
IL cost me fifteen pounds to get it mended, be-
sdes the expense of n new drawing room car
pet.
IL - o9t iair 10 state the primary cause to
winch All Mrs BIS alarms, and by c1nse.
quence. my own little personal ineonyeDience..
are mainly OWING. Mrs BIS mamma was one
of the last admirers Of the Old Manor Uouse
and Mysteries Of the Castle school Of litera-
ture' ana her daughters were brought up in
her own faith, that Mrs. Radcliffe was a paint-
er OF nature, as 1t appears on earth; and thst
Mr. Mathew Lewiston ns thew sava atSt c.
phen Sin another place. So nervous. indeed
did my respected Inother-in-law contrive To-
MAKE herself throughout her lifetime by the
peruaal Of these, her favorite books, that il
was rusOred that she married each If her four
husbands at least ns much from a disincJin,-