Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-08-25

them well directed blow on the
head. -.- - =. 1S
"A vocalist says he could sing
way down on the old zar River" if
he could get the pitch.
-Itis said that a man who is bnn,
does not pay the debt of nature but
simply gets an extension. =
81 have not loved lightly" ,s The
man thonght when be married widow
weighing three hundred pounds.
| A man is in no danger so long q,
ne talks his love; but to write it is to
lmpale himself on his own pot hooks
| "A chaplain at State Prison wa.
asked by a friend how his prisoner.
were. All under conviction" waa th,
reply.
"A paper announcing the opening
or new cemetry, says: "Mr. =
mac, nad the pleasure Of being first buried
Here is an old-time poetical epi.
taph on a woman struck by lightning:
she dled Of thunder sent from Heaven
In 1777. --
AT Springfield, Mass, a lady sen.
the following volunteer toast:
"Soyuce old dbachelors-tbe erer.,-..,.
of society" ~
"A sawyer, after saving with a
very dull saw exclaimed: "Of all the
saws l ever saw saw, I never saw a saw
saw as that saw saws. ;"
The world should have its docket
called, and sluggards all defaulted: and
those should be the supper ten," whom
labor has exalted.
"A man advertises for a ocompe-
tent person to undertake the sale Of a
new medicine" and adds ssthat it viii
be profitable to the undertaker:''
An exchange in putting 1. ,oan
says it is the 'sbest ever used for
cleansing dirty mans face. Wehsya
tired 1t, and therefore we know,
A fop in company wanting hi.
servant, called out "Where is that
olockhead of mine % A lady pres.
ent answered, Son your shoulders,
sir"
"A western editor having published
a leader on "Hogs," a rival paper in
the same village, upbraids him for OBJ.
trud!ng his family matters upon the
public. 0
An lrishman being asked to grease
the carriage, went out and returned in
about an hour afterwards, and said
I've erased livery part of the carriage
but thin sthicks where the wheels hang
on. E.Es-..-
'-Itis not only hard to distinguish
between too little and too much. bnt
between the good and evil intentions of
the different reformers. One man
bawls out "fre!' that he may save the
house; another, that he may run awav
with the furniture.
An absurd poet of modern days
has made the remark, sBright tbinos
will never die" This is utterly false
A friend of ours, who lately had a
bright red head Of hair, made an at.
tempt to transform it into aTich brown
with the greatest success. 1t was
found to dye beautifully.
Very bad spelling is sometimes the
best, as in the case of the Enol;sb
beer vender, who wrote over his shop
door: ..-... -
"Bsa1 sold here.' ......,-
Tom Hood, who saw if. said that i
was spelled right, because the fluid be
sold was his own Brui,,.
-Blobbs says that the "grab baon
system carried Oh at the ladies' fairs
where shilling a grab is. charged for
the highest prize, valued at two cents,
always reminds him of the shire wd coli
ored Individual who issued Sab in
sh1nplasters, payable when presented
IN sums of Ave dollars. That darkey
should be made bank director.
A Dutchman undertook to tell
about fine new barn his brother had
just finished over on the "White
Ground and this is the way he did
it.
"Retcr has a Great large parn pilt
ofer on te White Crount-'tis not pilt
yet, but den te posts be tere, unit de
shingles be tere; and he's sold 'em all
agin, but den he can puy more" --..
"A modest young gentleman at
dinner party, pat the following conun.
drum: "'Why are most people who
eat turkey, like babies?" No reply
The modest man blushed, and would
hare backed out, brst finally gave the
reason: because they are foad ofthe
breast" Two middle aged ladies
tainted, and the remains of the young
man was carried out by the coroner.
in one Of our city schools, not long
ago, a member Of the committee asked
the members Of a class which was TN.
der examination: T~
"What is the cause of the saltaess
Of the ocean?' ....--
Soon little girl raised her hand
flushed with the discovery which flash,
ed upon her mind. ssr-l "
s'You may TELL" said the COMMITTEES