The Feliciana Democrat., 1858-04-24

free barbecue in celebration Of the late Dem
ocratc victory in this State:
Subscribers. Articles.
r. b. Smith, h........ | bag flour,
Mumford Moore, ....... | bushcl meal,
Scln Nestn .........'. i quarter pct',
Aaron Goodwin, ....... ] shoat
MalOr Jones, ........,, JHChHsN,
&c. &c. DC.
1t has been truly said by distinguished an-
thor, :" that il is hard ease to write book,
and then TO have to furnish the public WITH
brains TO understand it, The public is stupid,
provcrbially lly---committccs are so generally
his committee ,cos so paritcuiorly; for, instead
of thanking the Major for his magnificent do
nation. and thereby again furnishing editorial
materials, they addressed him notc-which
was never published wishing TO know if he
intended for untcrriiird Democrats to eat bar
bacued ackass2" and informing him. moreover.
" that unless he could make Il satisfactory ap-
oogy, he would not be allowed to speak on
the approaching occasion
The Major upoogizcd, and Kept his jack,
whose voice in the meantime, had, by severe
practice, improved so much in depth and vol.
ume, that the town authorities had taken the
matter in hand, aud ordered the constable to
treat him as a nuisance, and have him rcmov-
ed forthwith
| PART V.--cArAsTRorHE AND CONCLUSION
His owner begged weeks respite: " the
barbecue was to come off within that time,
aud he was satisfied that among the ten thou.
sand people TO be present, he could dispose OF
that inck' The cvcntful day arrived and the
Major, having given orders that his jack should
be rubbed down and brought on tile scene Of
the barbacuc " in full rcgaa,' repaired thith-
cr himself.
Tie speaking had commenced and the Ma
jor sat at the root Of a tree, deeply immersed
in his own great speech, which was next in the
programme, when one of the MarShulS tapped
him on the shoulder and informed him, :" that
he must remove his ius'rons qnadrnpcd from
the grounds forthwith" An indignant reply
was on the Majors lips, when the well known
voice smote upon his car. His jack was ap
preaching. Led by darkey and clothed in
| scarlet blanket that swept the ground on
either side as he trottcd along, the little fellow
had become SO excited by the crowd Of ami
mails on every side, that all his previous efforts
at vocazation were completely cclipscd. Ju
picr ronaus. he acaS furnishing music for
,, the OCCASION" with a vengeance The cooks
rested from their labors; the audience rose en-
maSsc; the speaker stopped in the middle of Il
sentence, tonsgnug the Know NOthingS to al
everlasting residence on the head waters OF
: salt river: and all eyes were turned TO the di
: rccton whence the interruption proceeded,
And still they gazed. and still the wonder grew.
That one small as could such IN uproar brew
! Immediate measures were taken for relief
1t was suggested that as am ASS cannot bray
} without elcyating his tail considerably, hca-
5 Wy rock be attached TO that member Thi,
plan was quickly carried into operations; but,
5 alas! it was like placing weight on the safety
valve OF steam engine it only increased hi,
power The rock was not heavy enough
They then concluded to tie his tail to tle roo
:. Of a stout oak stump, which was also qnicltl,
done, and the crowd warned to " stand back
Il 1t was remembered, afterwards, that this or
der was given by the man who had charge 0
Q the cannon, the report Of which was complete
G ly drowned by the discharges from the lung
Of the ass. TWAS also observed that this MAJ
(thc master OF ordnance) was the last to leave
the immediate neighborhood Of the jack, wllicl
; he did in Il very prccipitatc and AaOidicrkh
: manner.
7 The ass finding his tail firmly tied down
c made one mighty effort; put on full head 0
n steam; collapsed IA llue; and "a dreadful eXplo
$ sion took place. So soon as order could b.
restored, and the matter investigated, the dam
ages were asccrtained to be aS follows:
y Killed, d,............ One Small Jackass,
y Wounded. .......,.. One Oak Stump.
. Missing, ..... The Master Of Ordnance.
! 1t has since been suspected that, moved b,
, petty jealousy, the aforesaid master Of ord
G nance secretly placed under the jack four .
5 five blank cartridges, with slow match at
tacbcd Whether this was actually the case
+ or, il It was, whether the ass was worth TIN
O powder, are both matters to be investigated
One thing, however, is cert in, nothing ha
been since found appertaining to the jack, bu
the Mle-whieh is hereby produced in evidene
n Of the truth Of the whole matter and the
;, MORAL:
G Never bet on an election, even when you ar
+ sure of winning
G A REPENTANT Dry GoODs NJ MERCHANr-On