Anti-slavery bugle. [volume] (New-Lisbon, Ohio) 1845-1861, 1858-01-16
Mistelloneous
Prom Chambers Journal.
BY THE BEDROOM FIRE.

Y hOW NutI0 VI JIG VhINlCulhI appearance 'N
comes over and over again, under some special cir.
cumstance; and how let them do what they VIII
30 ward it of, yet 81 sure.y as they lie down under
the Influence Of such circumstance, so surely does
the same figure arise in the same places, and enact
anew the iragmentary drama, never to be finished
in this world. When ] say ward off, i mean
that. just By way of experiment, they sometmes
try what power they have to put 1t aside. J. 40
not wish to infer that they have in general any nor
ror of it | think on the contrary, they would be
sorry to part with il. IL is something so peculiar
ly their own, that it gives them au Importance, re-
~sembling that of families who are distinguished
enough to have a ghost or banshee and l am
cure they like to tell about it moro than any thing.
Although l am myself one of these people, | ain
difercnt. from them in u single respect, for | have
never yet spoken to any one of II dream | have
had for some time now. 1t was only last night
that awakening from it as the winter storm swept
the house, and wondering whether any one similar
ly situated had ever experienced anything like 1t,
i determined to set it faithfully down. word by
word, just as it happens. 1t is always in one place
this vision comes to me, and at ore tm0-ln my
bedroom, sitting in n low chair beside the hire,
which. with hameless, palpitating glow, makes a
low dream light in the chamber. Then, when the
house is ~quiet-when the wind goes soughing by
when the litRe kettle upon the hob makes it's low
%purr-when the freight is dimly reflected at great
depths in the polished dark old urniture-when l
have put on a particular white dressing gown with
wide hanging sleeves and loose neck-when my
hair falls down after the fashion of my girlhood-
it is then | find myself face to face with this dream
ing figure. So quietly it steals mas il it were some
Invisible thinning within my heart which the sacred
home fire drew forth to ualpability upon the sur
face, that | am unconscious when it first comes to
me. / can feel it with its little face upon my bos-
ON long before | look at it with my happy dimmed
eyes aud it seems to me as if the star arose over
my dwelling as it shone from heaven, ages ago,
upon the young child and his mother, hallowing
forever since then the holy cradle of a mothers
arms,
I am agitated by no surprise when | first see it,
and yet IN ' heart beats fast. 1t seems to me as II
all that had ever been pure and peaceful in my
own lite-all my iuncies, all my hopes, all the love
i ever felt OF could feel-lay concentrat ed there
before me; as IL had no longer anything to desire;
as if nv very soul purified lay calmly sleeoing upon
my knees, | am sure it | have any distinct feel
ing at all; it is that | could die for it: whatever
else is in my mind, that is uppermost-l could die
for it and as this thought comes, another dream,
full of wild, incOherent passions ct defence; OF
struggling with armed men, as mothers did IN the
days of IIerod the Tct-arch-ot ~bufetirg with the
waves-of being torn by savage animals-of fy-
ing with bare and bleeding feet, and streaming
hair, through the wild night, and holding 1T ever
50 my bosom as my exceeding great reward Tor
the moment the vision comes, it brings me a fierce
strength, such as does not belong to my nature,
which is indeed but weak and timid.
From these nightmare fancies | am recalled by
q whole series Of operations, in which | treat my
dream figure with a familiarity to be accounted for
only as Il uTeulD IuCUuslsbcuC1' 4 uOlu hh IL AZ
more reverence than if he were the waxen baby |
used TO play at love with. 1splash him and puff
him l battle it out with him. with quite a ludl'
crous sense of my power: the self-assertion OF his
kicking and crying affords me tAe most intense
amusement through all my furry. | make no
more of compelling his rebellious little fat arms in
and out Of oil sorts of intricacies, than if l were
the Brobdignag nurse | read of in the story BOOK
long ago. l will have everything about him my
own Eay-smooth and neat. and folded over and
tucked in. | am firm in my notions regarding his
figure, and finish him off with three yards OF BAN
dage, like a young mummy. l never relax a string
10 the matter of the night-gown, but overcome
him with it like a shower-bath Of calico, IRON
which he energies red and shining, and turn him
over on his face with an unsym pathizing %impertur-
abil ty that seems almost fendish in its healtless
ness. After this final struggle, | have conquered
and have only to fix my flag of victory upon his
head, by inserting it into his little crimped night
cap, which, with all the letting out Of running
strings. is. | am proud to say-l say SO to mysel
-"growing too small for him." SO, the crue
task over, my Observation-Disclosures returns, and
with his little hands wandering about my neck
with the freight enwrapping us both in its genia
g~low--with the kettle singing it's low lulab
with the wind passing on its mysterious course
he sleeps his sweet sleep. And they brougf
young children to Him, that he might bless them.
These are the words | always hear as | watch
such o time, addressed as it were with somethin
tender reproach to myself, telling me that, guide
by the little innocent hand, /. too, may come
the golden gate, and receive a share OF the blessin,
If there IS one thing | am more proud OF tina
another about this dream.oarling Of mine, it is h
f~eet-always excepting his hair. Indeed, thes
two points of excellence, belonging to different p
RODS Of the dream-form many years lie compress
ed within the fantastical hour rather dwell VI
on each exclusively in turn. Thus, when first b
comes to me | almost blush to remem Der the chile
ish delight, the thrill Of joy afforded me by tt
sight and touch of the little warm feet, that hay
never trodden the wicked earth. How | Tatche
49, loeI;,, -, ,ba CANAL Ara-uIor- hnw I lis
them and fondle them-hOw it is happiness to hol
ttem both within my one hand, and to fcel. the
live!
A little later, and his hair becomes his stror
point-that tiny scrap of silken hair that ju
emerges from his cap. Never was there such
love-lock 1t is smoothed down. parted on eth
ride: there is no end to the fashions this mors
assumes, until il grows beneath my hand and clu
ters in thick chestnut curls upon the boys head.
After this, the feet retire into complete ooscurit
never being visible out OF red shoes, blue shot
sandaled shoes. and so on but once-tbat is, VIII
he is still a child, and kneeling in his bed-gow
with flushed cheeks ami bare feet, at my knee
lisping my name in his evening prayer.
Soon after this innocent prayer, | cease to s
myself. ] perceive all that is going on equal
well, but | TO longer have any connection wi
the scene: | am oppressed with a dreadful feelii
of hesplessness, and long to cry out and awaken.
With an agony Of entreaty. | try to fold the chi
in my arms. but they restrain him no more III
the air. | struggle traptically even to touch HI
to speak to him one word-to let him know ii
his own mother stands beside him. But the wi
shat goes whispering by bears away upon is wi
. my dull dumb meanings; the Pickering frelig
traces no shadow of my outstretched hands
At this particular passage of my dream. n yictl
that really hangs in my husbands study alwa
shapes itself out Of the thickening shadows.
is one of myself; a pale, sad face. with heavy ey
not pretty, with no happy smiles aud bright blo'
such as win children's love asd ms they say 10
boy that it is his mothers picture, | could Fl
Il in my Scottish heart to weep bitterly thar
painter had been so faithful-that he had not tr
fedfresh joyous beauty, radiant eyes, and stare
circled hair. so that the boy Should think OF
guardian angel whenever he thought Of his moth
This is. think, Mt once the most sharply defn
and silliest nArt of my vision: and. snherlu avn