Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1858-07-24
VOL. x.,No. L.
From the NSom9nis Advocate.
IF I were a Man.
B8A LADY.

N'es s>S AAal-SAbh lis f.tlf4 SrJ.S
Don't / @ish i were mana Wouldn't
i set the bctyer-hatted population an ex-
ample OF brilliant pcrfecticns Woudn't /
make myself generally agreeable to all The
ladies', and talk to ti,emas if they had kouls
above bonnets What . glorious man {
should make
! wouldn't staud on the hotel steps and
puff clouds of.villaiuous tobaccosnole into
thc eyes of all the pretty girls that 20 past
nor spit, on the paNementto to spoil Acir q
tie shoes and injuc their tempors. 81
| woulan't set my huge he1s IL = -
the trains cF their silken dressl
en- half OFF; aud think--I, ny
sure, but thinES I'd knock do
brute who dared to coluplNa,
ference of their garments
And when they come ifS
bus, wouldn't stick my N
paper, or look abstractcaly
dow, nor get up grunblins ~
way with womenW Nota
spring up like apatent Indian
andifthe old baoheloron the
side, and the spruce clerk ON the h
side, didn't compress themselves IN
smallest possible space, to make roo
And then when get married Cfur
what end was created, if not to ,5ay 4,
milliner's bills OF some blessed httle lit o.
womankind) wouldn't | make model has
band DO you suppose | should both
her sweet life out of her, by grumblifg 5e- )
cause paltry button had dropped 5F
shirt collar, ora string of dickey no
you think I'd explode like csmphene
lamp every time found aripin my glovcs2
ia like to see myself STOPPING to any sucll
littleness
lwouldn't consult the almanac every
time she bought new bonnet to see lust
how many weeks she had worn theoIdGna;y
and | wouldn't snarl like a cross tiger-cut
whenever the coffee happened to be cold OF,
the bectstcak raw, just as if wautcG lit
to abase hcrsefin dust and ashes and bSlrs
up her rosy little face before the Eitchci
IRE, while sat with my heels5upon tho q
bic, reading the paper in the nest room
wouldn't use protanc lnpguaSe when
asked me to button up her sweet littla@,lS,
on boots, or fast9n her gloves, or en- K
iSl's,,.S,sSS, ,Y !,
rainy day--which last | consider To- he sf 8
infallible test of patience and meskness,
i wouldn't gorge myselfwith vino, and +
oysters, and cigars at a fashionable down.
town restaurant, while my wife dined 81
home on cold nutton, aud then look d,
black an oyercharged Observation-Disclosures
the grocer's "little bill camein; Iwouldnit
expend q small fortune IN diamond shirt
studs, cNtravagant broad-clota, and fancy
canes, and then mutterabout .9hard tnfes,2
when she Ventured to ask mo for halfa dol
lar to buy check for the baby's aprons!
And rather think I'D goshoppiog with
her too, when she limited 10 that effect in
stead Of inyenting excuses about Smitll,
Brown, or the club--aye, and pay her bills,
too without screwing up my mouth ps if Il
had the crimp in my facet And if ts2j
looked INTO Nshop ssinsll4&%. l4SSg. pna admired ~
thirty dollar collar, 4 d walk in and buy Il
for her, instead of foigning to be absorbcss
in the signs opposite, and forgetting 10
hear what she said.
When came home atnight, wouldn't
make a bear ofmyself, behind the evening
paper and answer sayageiy, when She tife
idly asked what | was readiug, women
can understand politicsl9 o,i indeed +
would read her all the anecdotes, play with
the children, pull the pussy s ears, and tell e
herhow becoming her new silk was. g'hat,
the way TO keep the women good nssafs.s
takemy word forit; ,andwhat prettier SD
isthcre mall the world thana good humo
women? Mind, l don'task tleincoilie
old bachelors; first, because it isi' and
their business, and second; becauae they -
not judges of the article. But put The s
question to any sensible fellow betwecuthe
ages of eighteen aud twenty eight, and SEQ
what he'll say. ~ ~
Pdmake q point Of always asliDe nv
wifc,s advice before went to vote md do
ing Just as she said about IL then I'd he
sure to be always right And any hac6-
elor friend Of mine had the impotence To
ask me TO an oysterBupper, without includ1
ing my wife in the inyitationS do yoa sup
pose Pdgo2 Ask ms6mother-in-l -lagiabopt
that
! wouldn't 90 TO eF9niyg psrties, and
hirt desperately with other ladles, eS4d to
about "my poor, dear wife, whose il lihedSSt ~ y
precluded her enjoyment of society sfer
! knew very well that she vas sitting 1t n
homo alone with the eat, and crying her
eyes out over one Of my ragged old coats.
Good gracious tghata vide field fofini-
proyeMent tlloge ~ amopg the bsnightca
sous Of Adam it puts me completely out
Gf5breatb to thinkiof half tho reforms I'd
make. Oh ! if ! were only a man
FoREIcH ADYkETrREKs . Stl Aver
GtRts~e0neso of flic 9sast sssassas {gsinDfss
among tie wealthy fegliiiSS Of tllfl 4 isifcd
States ia tho attacbplents stl,fSJ hair dhisoi
tefs form for uuppineiptotl itiio d lgentssf
crs, who conc nses hefotef iis tss 4 aitlosS
of Ietforn% tlseig fqfa ulies Or 81 nsi sf. q tleiY
l0lecf aoetei intfiguelbg isitsj1ls dc ae
BfusnaIIlis so,in4 la,Ii. oo,re.
re- Mi9e sealtliy g;tlniies 81 <i.e sreseet