The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1858-06-05
A SDeek of War.

head. VI Sightseeing III ooth'n', Joo
shall hear in that "good time coming"
Yours &c.. JEHU.
|
| Speek Of War.
The outrages committed upon our Mer'
chant vessels by the British cruisers, are ex-
citing a good deal of interest at Washington.
and some of thr members have commenced
talking of resort to "villainous gunpow'
DER" Mr.. CRIrrENDES, is reported as hav.
ing said that while believing England would
make ample apologies, English cannon should
not be permitted to stop our ships. Lie
would not dispute with England about the
abstract right of search, let her found her
claim on what prerogative or supposed right
she may, but the moment she makes an ag-
erosion on our national right and honor,
will, said Mr.. c. fight her upon the fact with
war for the argument. Mr.. DOUGLAS intro
duced bill giving the President, in case OF
fragrant violation of the law of Nations, by
outrage upon the flag, soil or citizens of the
United States, or upon their property, under
circumstances requiring prompt redress, and
when in the opinion Of the President delay
would be incompatible with tho honor and
dignity of the Republic, power to employ
such force as he may deem necessary to
prevent the preparation of such outrages,
and to obtain just redress and satisfaction
for the same when perpetrated. And also,
making it his duty to lay the facts of each
case, together with the reasons for his action
in the premises, before Congress at the
earliest practicable moment, for such further
action thereon as Congress may direct.
Bob NIarlinspikc CondoIeth yc Disconsolate Jake.
Council BLUFFS, June 4th, '5s.
DEAR JAKE: Before me, on the table, lies
your doleful letter, blotted and spotted with
ink and tears, and folded in shape that
would puzzle all the geometers Of Christen-
dom. And resting in the cold arm chair, !"
with legs extended on said table, lies your
humble servant, BOB, just recovering from
violent commissions brought on by reading
that letter. So, JAKE, you have got the
ssmitten," and, instead of tossing it back
with s'don't care fig" manner, and tear
ing from your heart the gossamer network
which cupid had woven around it, you have
bowed under the blow, as young sapling
bows to the tempest, and whining like a
whipped schoolboy, you send to me for sym
pathy and counsel. o, you contemplate
coward, you chicken hearted apology for a
man. You blockhead, you have yet to learn
your alphabet in the mysteries of woman's
caprice. Why, sir, you are now affording
MAG more exquisite pleasure, than you ever
did before in all your three years courtship.
Tired of the tame monotony of billing and
cooling, she thought to raise breeze by
"sacking" you, and it seems by the dolorous
lamentations you have pestered me with,
that she has succeeded admirably. Her af-
fections are a very different sort of goods
from what you supposed, when you bar
gained for them. The golden threads that
bound you together, were only tinsel, and
the angel you worshiped, is an evil spirit
who would snap your heart strings one by
one, and chucke to see the piece, s9uirm,
and should you shoot, hang or drown YOUR
self or take "pisen," as you dark y hint in
your letter, and die for love, she would
dance on your grave, to the tune Of ''here
lies fool" And would not blame her.
Any man who suffers q woman to break his
heart, deserves such fate, and he might as
we'll be out of the way. The world don't
want such fellows. They have not the nerve
to breast its storms and weather its break
ers, and had better be "stowed away in the
t'locker." So now, JAKE, if you don't wish
your friends and the "rest of mankind" to
disown you, stop this whimpering at once.
There are ten thousand girls in the world as
good as MAG. Yes, as good as you ever
thought she was, and great deal better
than she is. Go and see them. Shake off
this melancholy. Tell MAG, you are very
glad she has broken the spell that bound
you to scold and a dismal future of
ot-water and broomsticks. Don't tell out
siders though, that would not be manly. Let
them find that out for themselves. You
say she calls you dolt, and exposes you to
the ridicule of her acquaintance. Well,
JAKE, let her 60. Don't retaliate, the girls
are keen observers of human nature, and
though they may laugh at you now, they
will do you ample justice eventually. lfyou
behave like man, they will respect you
none the less for having been Tilted, but they
will turn up their pretty noses in disgust at
the girl who Tilted you. You can get a
good wife at any time, but MAG will very
likely glide sorrowfully down the stream of
life "paddling her own canoe" Now, JAKE,
don't drown yourself. Let arsenic and hemp
alone. Discharge that six-shooter at
stump. In short, defer tina. telo de Sc, just
a week, and by that time, this MAG ma
MIA will have gone forever, and JAKE will be
himself again. Then come up to Council
Bluffs, and as you are good-looking fell
low, and steady and honest, some one of
our many good girls will 60 back to Keokuk,
with you if you wish. Your affectionate
old chum, BOB MARLINSpIKE.
JACOB HoxEsPuN.
c. The Minnesota Senators have drawn