Arkansas true Democrat., 1858-08-11
From the Nashville Union and American. Sut Lovengood's Chest Story.

>NN So'h oo Sc6u tue OTIul mlSfOr- unate start they got No man an oman could ever get as clost as man and wife should arter s'eh n-l ove fuss an hurtn as tuck place at ole Burns that day.
 lheyse all got spite at me yet about that ar uuo'i' an swar warn't to blame for hit
 o'e DOCK" orter be made beef outen: he did nlt all; and yet the cussed fools don't blame nm bit. He orter have his durned h slet cut outen him, an Pll du hit fur him eff ever Ketches nm, fur gettin me inter trubil arter he dld all the deviiment, while 1 has to bar the blame, Now ant hit hard that being a nateral born d-d fool es l oons is, l has to bar the blame of the doins of an infunel stumpv hon'd culy faced hole fool buli an that. too. arter I "a dun hlm kindness, putin the baskit han all over his hons, so he could eat the corn while he war travelin; fur 1 swar the'd mauld him good ef they had kotch him eaten ove hit. He's an ongrateul beast and Fll do him wus than the bees an ole Mills bull did rll wheel barrer him into eternity. an ole Burns tu mine ef don't.
 ES fur Sicily, eff 1 haint even with her. vou may JlSt nail my tongue to a tree an then skeer me till l reels my hole carcuss inter about mile of tung, an tharll be nothin left but my bones on tn the toe nails, an perhaps scrim,- shun of laigs, an a pile of rags an har at the eend of hit. She don't o,oe me muffin no,o: an ill tell you how paid up-it wer about avn by corn tune when she married that hardfaced meaty listed, groanin ole cuss. Atnex alo pog tune l begin to see that he wernt her ffinity'' es school teachin oman called hit when she wanted to clrcumVent me so as tu get her wood cut an her mar curried George, did you ever hev strong minded oman arter vou-a rale he oman! No" Well, eff ever wun ,ioes- Jlst you hSht her like she wore whiskers or run like h-i, et you don't, ef she don't turn you inter kidney worm'd hog what can't raise ms brlstles Tn less nor a month, you are more or less of man than 1 takes you to be- Owe all the varmlnts l ever seed Ise feardest of them. They alnt human; theyse an ekal mix try ove stud -hoss, black snake, gose, peacock brltches-an d-d raskl. They wants tn be man; and es they cant, they fixes up thar case by beln devils. Take keer ove em; you'd better cum In contact with comit UT coal porter than wun ove em env time They'll undermine yer constitution sure.
 We'll, matters rocked along, all hands doin es they pleased, and l watchn ov em-fur wur arter revenge-ontil about the time hosses begin tu squal and tuckys tu gobble discovered her affinity" She wur runnin an oppersi. shun line to the ole chicken eater, in cahoote with man powfull with pills aLd sauts-Doc tor Gus Fabn--an they were makin fast time. all connections, an the male were kerried pu fectly fust rate. An don't much wonder: she never dld feel warm tu ole Capshaw; hit wus the sucklt riders charm what fotch her agin her will. George, youse got heap tu larn yit There am three varmlnts what kin charm vim mn an blrds-the sucket rider, the cat, an the black snake. They kin du hit, an nun ove em ever misses chance. Elf he'd pet mock lnblrd and darter, I'd make war on all cats an suckit rlders-Fd fill the beryin groun with wun, and the big sink hole with luther; an I'd hev barrel full owe hyme books an claws es medals owe my skill in clost shootin. - l seed loaded shot gun once yin broad side ontu the counter owe Congdon's store, and there were cat washin ove her face top owe a hat box, an sukit rider wer irwin tu eit Congdon tu gin sumthin tu pay fur "overcoats fur the pous Sepoys, at thulher aind owe the room; an durn'd eff hit didn't cock hitself, an then swung round like the needle owe com. pus, fust towards one an then luther, dunno hOW often, an at last went eff-killed the cat as ded es be d-d, and luther barrel tore off four squar yards ove the sukit riders overcoat tail. He ris tn the ceilin an lit runnin. Thar's an instink in shot guns about this thing, sartin; fur you never seed suckit rider with one in his han, nor a cat that loved the smell owe yun- powder.
 Well, arter arn't what road they run thar line over, an all the points ov the case, went tu work tu gin both skeer, an him a little hur- tin. Doct. Gus Fabus wer one owe em; the boys calfd him Gut Fatty fur short, an he call-d em " "imperdent onedcated d-d jackasses'' fur long. He wur jst four foot fourteen inches high, an wer taller a lyin down than when he wer standin up. His eyes wer like ontu two huckleberrys es tn color and size, stuck deep inter big ball ove red putty. Elf he'd been killed an piled in hoyshead ove lye, he'd a made soap enough ta a washed away the sins owe whole know nothn Congressional dees. tnct-Congressman, lawyers, wlmmn an all
 He dress'd hissef tu kiU an rid monsous big black hoss, seventeen hans high, an nj ontu seventeen feet long. When got done with hlm his proporshuns wer changed-he wurnt over ten hans high, an es long es one owe ole Bulllh's -sarmints. 1 he'd gethered an hid a fllst rate lot of fox fire, all reddy tu use. We'll one night found this black king hoss hitched tu swingin limb, in sink hole not fur ahind ole Clapshaw's house. an he aoer over he naoun. tn collectin store debts. so 1 tux off the Doc tors squar bodied saddle bags and sarched em, an tux all the doeterin truck ouon the viais an boxes, an poured hit into his halfful big bot til ove whisky, shuck hit up good, and just drenched the durned big dromedarv hoss with the last spoonful. Hit were the biggest mxtry of my soda. stole a set of blow geers outon tL H., tlx IT now laborin onder my perscripshun (warnt hit beyant common docterinO; then l tied fox fire all over the harness inter his mane, an onter his years. He looked-the ole black devil did like onter star lite night, UT convention owe big tenin bugs mixed with scattered camp fire. But his looks warnt nuthin tn his feelins afore he got dun with hit, eff em eDy judge of medicine mixed with an orful skeer an powerful site owe good hot hurtin. Then splced on tu the onder side of his tale big int ove cane, pack full owe wet powder, with the open aind toward--his-his he'd Now, I meant tn lite hit, an start him on his travels with a tree top fast tu the swingle tree; but thot I'd fust sneak up tn the house an see what wer a gwne on, an what 1 saw altered my plans mitely. l speck must made nisc; fur when l peeped through the crack in the door, thar wur Ssily fingn out bed quilts outen big chst, but she left in her skeer a bas- ket with two hundred aigs an paper of lamp black onder the till.y7In jumped Gut Fatty in his shut tail. She slam'd the lid, turned the key. an flung on her dress terrectly. knocked 2 staggerin sorter onsartn lick. anwur 80 drunk
 cud scasely stand. managed tn ax Sicily Tor sum supper, an She wer mity willin an plea sin an broke out tnthe kitchn tn get hit in the hopes that when I'd stoffed my carcnss I'd go tn sleep When she lief, 50 did I arter the ole thrashin mesheen kivered with hoss hide an fox fire. 1 foch him up clost tu the door, an tied stout rope tu the handil ove the chest an tu the swindle tree. That wer a new con- nection fur Mister Doctor Gut Fatty's line.- Now mind, he'd never seed me in all bis bornd days. an prals never hean ove me, 50 while Wef makin the hoss pu fectlv fat ontu the ci,ist