Nebraska advertiser., 1858-06-03
Save the Pieces.

yooN-oco~~NN~>NooOooN OooNoN-O~~o.o~~~o~~o-o~o
"How many mills make one cent" as
ked a schoOlmaster Of a promising pupil,
'don't know; but guess it takes good
many cents to make mill, if they're built
Of stone"
A divine once praying said, "Oh,
Lord, give US neither poverty nor riches"
and, pausing moment, he added, "espe-
eially poverty"
A Texas paper says that the young IA
dies Whereabouts are making great ravages
on the grape vines, taking them for
hoops.
The woman who "burst her sides q
laughing" had them mended by her hus-
band coming into her parlOr with muddy
boots.
If the Naiads were constantly bathing,
we presume, from their name, the Dryads
were the ones who brought the towels.
To find out whom child loves, mako
it present, and notice TO whom it is most
eager to show that present, exultingly.--
To find oui whom woman hates, do ex.
actly the same.
The value Of things is not in their
size, but quality; and so of reason, which,
wrapped in few words, has the greater
weight.
An old Scotch preacher said of young
opponent that be had "a great deal Of
the young man, not little of the Oldham,
very little of the new man."
ma" said little Willemina, al don't
think Solomon was so rich as they say he
was" "Why, my dear % said her as
tonished ma Because he slept with his
fathers; and l think if be had been 80
very rich, he would have had bed of his
own"
An agent, soliciting subscribers for q
book, showed the prospectus to a man.
who after reading-"one dollar in boards
and one dollar and twenty-five cents in
sheep" declined subscribing as he
might not have boards or sheep on hand,
when called upon for payment.
AT Gibraltar there was great scarcity of
f water. An Irish officer said, HE was
very easy about the matter, for he had
nothing to do with water; if he only got
his tea in the morning, and punch at
night, it was all that he wanted" I"
"When thou art buying a horse or
choosing a wife, says the Tuscan proverb,
''shut thine eyes and commend thyself to
God" Is that what is called trusting in
Providence 2"
There is policeman in every mans
e conscience--even though you may not
: always find him on the beat.
: "Well, Mariner" said a tooth doctor
4 to a saltwater customer, (which tooth do
$ you want extracted is it a molar or Incl
J. sor?" "It's the upper tier on the lar
r board side. Bear hand, you swab, for
y it is nipping my jaw like bloody lob
!. ter"
! ! It is only fools that quarrel-wise men
! ! are above 1t. This is precisely the case
: : with nations, the only exception is where
! people are struggling for their Liberties
I against common tyrant.
e Finn, the celebrated comedian, once
d fell over lot Of wooden-ware, in front
: of mans store, upon which the shop
d keeper cried out: "You came near kick
ing the bucket that time. mister" "Oh,
no, )" said Finn quite complaCently, "I on.
IT ly turned little pale"
T. There is a great demand for a kind Of
IN plaster paper that will enable gentlemen
IS to stick to their business.
~ 1t is said that an ingenious down-east
6 Yankee has invented machine by which
y man can tell when he is sufficiently
~ ~ drunk. He calls it a fuddleomster, and it
- - operates by giving fellow a sharp punch
- IN the ribs the moment he has got bricks
u enough in his hat
u, A farmer told barber that he ought
w to reduce his prices, now corn was cheap.
IN "No, stree, replied the shaver, "for, when
f. corn is low, farmers make such long faces
n that have twice the ground to 60 over. I"
The Paris Figaro tells neat anecdote
of one of the brothers Pereire, the grea,
i fnanciers, who are Jews. A member Of
,ic some large stock company, of which this
60 brother is chief manager, fell into dis
pute with him about the management,
n, and being discomfort with the absorbing
no share that Pereire took in the direction
. and vexed at the rough way in which be
), treated his protesiatiOns, finally exclaim-
no ed, "Do you mean to eat me up!" "My
or religion answered the banker, prohibits
me from doing that"
=. A queer genius has Just died in thc
.aI a Ohio Penitentiary, after being confined
'e et three years for killing a man in fhl
Ol drunken frolic. Around the body Of thi
, corpse was found thick, heavy leather
Gu belt, which contained one hundred an
~ sixty half dollars and forty-six cents il
silver change. The poor fellow had car
!" ried his load about him constantly 70
years, for fear of being robbed. Tn
/. money has been earned by him BY 'ove7
IN IN work while in prison.
lde The progress Of agriculture ought to B