Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1858-11-24
BEN JOHNSON AT A WALTZ.

| looked nice as little angels, their faces as
white as if they had dipped them in flour
| barrel; such red cheeks l hadn't seen in all
| Sleepy Hollow; their arms all covered with
gold bands, chains, and shiny beads; such lips
you never see-they looked sscome kiss me"
| all over; their eyes looked like diamonds ;
their WASTES drawn to the size of pipe stem,
and made to look like they were undergoing
a regular cutting in two operation, by tyin' a
strong string tight round 'em +; and their
bosoms-O, Lordy-all covered up in laces
and muslinS, then rose again, like, Oh don't
know what it was like, eXceptin' the breathin'
of a snowy white goose chucked in tight bag,
with its breast jRst out
After the gals and youngsters had walked
round and round for a considerable spell, the
music struck up-and such music. 1t was
big horn and little horn, big flute and lit
tie flute, big fiddle and little fiddle, and
such squeakin', squallin'. bellowIn', groanin',
| never heard before; it was like all the cats,
pigs, and frogs in Christendom had concluded
to sing together. They call it a German
Poker. l 'spose it was made by some of them
Cincinnati Germans, in imitation of the squal-
lin at pork packery, and l guess it a
pretty good imitation.
So soon the music struck up-such
sight The fellers caught the gals right
round the waiste with one hand and pulled
them right smack up in kissn' order, with
the gals bosoms agin their bosoms, and the
gals chins restin' on the fellcrs' shoulders.
At this the gals began to sorter jump and
per, like they were agong to push them away
but the fellers just caught hold of the other
hand and held it off, and began to jump and
caper too, just like the gals.
L Swon upon stack of bibles, You never
seed such sight There were some two
dozen gals held tight in the arms of them fel-
lers-they a rarin' and jumpin' and pushin'
'em backwards over the room, Gas | thought
tryin' to get away from them,) and the fellers
holdin' on 'em tighter. and they squeezed the
gals, till at last begun to think the thing was
being carried too far for fun. l was a little
green in these matters; and seein' the gals
tryln' harder and harder to get away, as ]
thought, and the felers hOldin' tighter and
tighter, 1t was very natural that | should take
the gals part. So my dander kept risin'
higher and higher, till l thought my biler
would bust unless let out some steam. l
bounced smack into the middle of the room.
''Thunder and lightning everybody come
here with shot guns, siy-shooters, and butcher
knives ~ bawed at the top of my voice
ssfor | will be shot if any dod blasted, long
bearded felers shall impose on gals that are
anywhere / am 20 and was just going to pitch
into 'em proiniscuously, when my merchant
caught me by the arm, and said, sStop Benz
ssI'l be cussed' - says l. ssif will see the VIM
min folks imposed on Look what them fel-
lers are doin', and how hard the gals are rarin'
and pitchin' to get away from 'eml Do you
'spose [ can stand still as mile post and see
the gals suffer so? Look 20 says /, ssthere is
gal almost broken down, ready to give up to
that 'rangotang of feler! Yonder is anoth-
er so faint her head has fallen on the bosom
of the monster!'' / tell you was ashy /
felt like could jump into them like cata-
mount into pig pen.
When l looked into my merchants face,
| thought he would have busted. He laft, and
squatted down and laft.
s'Why," says he, ssBen, that is nothing but
the red war waltz they are dancin', and them
gals amt tryn' to get away from them fell
lers they are only caperin to make the fell
Iers hold 'em tighter, kase they like it. The
more the gals caper, the tighter they wish to
be squeezed. As 20 layin' their heads on the
fellers' bosoms, that's very common in this
city. They expect to be married some OF
these days, and they want to be accustomed
to it, so they won't be blushin' and turnin'
pale, when the parson tells the groom to salute
the bride. There is nothing like being used
TO such things.''
ssYou may take my hat,'' says to my mer-
chant. was tuck in that time, l tell you,
though it was the first time / ever seed the
like before. | have seen the Indian hug, and
the Congo dance, but tell you this red war
waltz knocks the hat crown out of everything
l ever seed.
After had got out of the way and every
thing commenced goin' on again, the music
get faster and faster-oh, il was fast and
furious as n northwester! The gals rared
agin', the fellers huggcd tighter. and the music
makers pulled out blowin'. Then the gals
and fellers spun round like so many tops run
mad. The fellers leaned back, and the gals
leaned to em the gals fine frocks sailed ont
and popped into the air like a windy day,
the fellers' coat tails stood out, straight that
egg would not have rolled of ; their faces
were as fixed and as serious a sarnent. A
round they went; it makes ME dizzy to think
of it. Pop went the coat tails, crash went the
music, and pit.y-patty, rump dumple- de dumb
went the feet of all. BY and by. as beautiful
a craft as ever you seed in the shape of a
woman, laying close up to a long bean-pole
looking teller, came sailin' at the rate offifteen
an hour down our way, whilst fat, dumpy
woman and hump ShOuldered beef eatin' sort
of a feller at the same speed went up the other.
L seen there was to be some bumpin',
and naturally trembled for the consequence.
Sure enough -ca-whollop, they came together,
and slap-dash TIE whole of 'em fell fat right
in the middle of the room, carrying along with
them everything standn' near.
Such mixing up of things as then occurred,
haint occurred before OF since old father n oah
unloaded his great ark. There was legs and
arms, white kids and penellas, patent leather
and satin CATERS, shoe strings and garters,
neck ribbons and guard chains, false curls and
whiSkers, women's bustles and pocket hand
kerchiefs-ail in piIe-the gals kickln' and
the fellers gruntin' and apologisin'
sob, Lordy,' says for was considerably
frustrated at the sight-'stop that music, oiow
out the lights, or all hands shut their eyes un-
til the women folks get unmixed." AT this,
such laugh you never heard.
ssWhy. Col. Johnson" says my merchant,
ssthat is nothing. 1t frequently happens, and
is one of the advantages of the red war waltz
If the gals amt learnt how to mix with the
world, how can they ever get along"
ybor how "A nd