Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1858-03-31
Fact, Fancy and Fun.
A false friend and a shadow after

-"Short calls are the best" as the
fly said when he lit upon the hot stove.
There are two things a man rare
fy forgets-his first love, and his first
cigar. - arss
esq" at the end of q mans name,
IS like a curl in pigs tail-morc for Or
nament than use. ...-. -.. .....-.o
The little value Providence sets on
riches is seen by the persons ON whom
they are generally bestowed. ,
-Quills are things that are sometimes
taken from the pinions of one goose to
spread the opinions of another.
Why was there no postage label in
Henry the Eighth's time /? Because a
Queens head was not worth penny.
The following appears upon the
clerks record in Sharon: sVoted,
That the March meeting be in ApriE''
-"Gone a ducking," is the term
used for a young ''feller'' in Arkansas,
who goes to ''set up" with young wo-
man. .......=,:
wv hat" inquired schoolmaster,
"what is the plural of penny?' "Two-
pence shouted the sharpest boy in the
class.
The man who was ''moved to tears''
complains of the dampncsS Of the prem
ises, and wishes to be moved back
again. i.at .-argiJus
"A Western editor, in noticing
new and splended hearse, thinks cit
will afford much satisfaction to those
who use it. -..-.... ........~g
-Obscurity of style usually .indi-
Gates that the writer is clumsy, or care
less, or crude, or msincere, or ashamed
Of himself.
How readily should we forgive
those who offend us, if we consider
how much our Heavenly Father has
! forgiven us. ..,.-. r. a.. -.eb
Should you be talking to a thin Ia
dy, Of another thin lady, you needn't
describe the party alluded to as a
''scraggy old maid.''
of all the worldly habits, the habit
of gambling is the most adverse to in
tellectual advancement, the most ruin
| Gus to intellectual health. ...s ,uoi3
Lovers conceal their faults from
one another, and deceive Themselves
Friends confess their faults to one an
other, and pardon mutually. ....f
Have you got sister? then love
and cherish her with a holy friendship.
If you have no sister, we advise you to
love somebody else's sister. =" -L'liiz2
"A leading broker being a. k9d, the
other day, how his child was, answered
almost in tears, every ill--would not
gave two per cent for his life.'' 1u
"A raw Irishman, on his first sight
of locomotive, declared it was the
devi.-"No," said his companion, cit
is only steamboat hunting for wather."
The following notice appears on a
country Westinghouse: 'tAny person
sticking bills against this church will be
prosecuted according to law or any 9TH
er nuisance. ".l anG ,3yIsi1
"A theological professor, speaking
| ofBalaam's ass, says it is wrong to doubt
that the ass spoke like man, when we
daily hear SO many men speak like
asses.
"A correspondent writes to know, in
case the Great Eastern steamship can't
| come over the bars about Sandy Hook.
why the people don't go and let the
bars down. airst eFT
"A child taught that she was made
Of the dust of the earth, said, Ma, has
| God got any more dust % r. -, ,svs7
"Why; dear child ?'' ..---...s
"Cause want little brother.'
The following question is now be.
fore a Western debating society:
(Which do girls like the best-tof be
fugged in a polka or squeezed i'm a
sleigh?'' We shall issue the decision
in all extra. ... .... .r...--
''Nimrod, can you tell who was the
first man % -
"Adam Somebody. His father
wasn't nobody, and he never had
mother, on account Of the scarcity of
women and the pressure Of the times.''
Mountains are considerably up and
down in Vermont. 1t is related that a
coachman in driving up one. was asked
if it was steep on the other side
"Steep" be answered, "chain light
ming couldn't go down itwithout breech:
! III on - .l.9brg
There is lady in New York who
will not permit her children to eat any
| thing of which Indian meal constitutes
an ingredient, for fear it will make them
savage. She must be the same lady
who would not let her children eat
| spinach for fear it would make them
green. @ -11Tat2 - is-r5- e.
An accepted lover one day walking
in pretty village in Bedfordshire, along
with the object of his affections hanging
upon his arms, and describing the ar
dency Of his love, remarked:
"How transported l am to have you
hanging on my arm !''oG1o Il q tsI
'fUpon my word, said the lady, 'syeu
make uS ont a very resDectahl, counla