The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1858-02-03
SUIT LOVENGOOD'S DADDY ACTING HOSS.

Gu 10 queer looking, lonSieSSeu; sloit
bodied, white haired, hog-eyed, funny sor
of genius, fresh from some second -hand
clothing store, and mounted on "Tarpole, y
q nic-tailed, long, poor horse, and enveloped
all over in perfect net work of bridleTeinsi
scuppers, martingales, straps, circingles and
red ferreting, who had reined up in front ol
Pat Nack's grocery, among crowd of wild
moun,aineers, full of fight and bad whiskey.
&" say, you darned ash cats, jist keep
your shirts on, will you? You never seed a
raal horse till ridup. Tmpole is next 10
the best horse that ever shellcd nubbins,
and he's dead as still worm, poor old
Tickey Tail"
"What killed him, Slt ?' said an anxious
inquirer.
"Why, nothin', you tarnation fool; he
jist died, standing up at that. Warn't that
good pluck? Froze stiff; no not adzactly,
but starved fust and then froze afterwards,
SO stiff that when dad and me pushed him
over, he ist stuck out SO (spreading his
arms and legs) like carpenters bench,
and we waited seventeen days for him 10
thaw, afore we could skin him. WE'LL thar
we wus-dad and me, Counting his fngers)
dad am me, Sal an Jake-fool Jake. we
used 10 call him for short-an' Phiueas, an
Simeon, an Jonas, an Charlotean, an Cul-
linas, an Cashus Henry Clay, and Noah
Dan, an Cathrine second, an Cleopatry
Antany, an Jane Lind, an Tom Bullion, the
baby am the prospect, an marm herself, all
left without any hoss 10 crop with. That
was nice mess for spectacle family TO
be slashed about in, warn't it? l declare if
didn't feel like stealin' horse, sometimes.
Well, waited and rested, and waited unto
strawberry time, hoping some stray horse
mout come along, but dog my cats ef any
sich luck as that ever comes .whar dad is,
he's so drotted mean, an lazy, am savage,
an ugly, an tryin'. .....
Well, one mite, dad he lay awake all mite,
snorin' an a rolin', an whisperin 'at
marm; an next mornin' says he:
"Sut, Ill tell you what we'll do; I'll be
hoss myself, an pull the plow, while you
drive me, and we'll break up corn ground,
and then the old quilt CHATS marm) and the
brats kin plant or let alone, just as they
please"
So out we goes 10 the pawpaw, j., peeled
a right smart chance OF bark, and 1nnrra
and me made gears for dad, and they be-
come him nightly, then ho would have
bridle-so gets an old umbrella what
found-it's little picceiron, sorter like onto
a pitchlork, ye know-an' we bent an twis-
ted it so-ter into a bride bit, snail shape,
(dad wanted it curb, as he hadn't worked
for some time, and mout sortcr feel his oats,
and go to cavortin) Well, when we got the
bride all fixed on dad, he chomped his bit
jist like raal hoss, Che always wus a most
complicated old fool, enyhow, and marm
alters said so when he warn't about,) then
put on the gears, an out dad an goes to
the field, leadin' dad by the bride, and
totin' the gopher plow on my back.
"When we come 10 the fence, let down
a gap; that made dad mad he wanted 10
jump the fence on all fours, hoss way.
hilched him unto the gopher, and away we
went, dad leanin' for'ard 10 his pullin' right
peart; and we made sharp plowin', dad
goin' right over the bushes an sprouts same
as a raal hoss, the only difference is he went
on two legs. Presently we come 10 sassa-
fras patch, and dad 10 act up his character
as hoss, bulged squar inter it, and tore
down hornets nest nigh as big as a hoss'
head, and all the tribe kiyered him rite
strate. He rared and kicked once or twice,
and fotched squeal wus nor ary horse in
the district, an sot into runnin' away jst as
natural as ever you seed.
81 let so the plow and hollered woa, dad,
woai but ye mout as well said woa TO
locomotive. Jewhillikins! how he rum
When he came 10 bush he'd clear it So
pher and all; pr'aps he tho; there mout be
another settlement of bald hornets in it,
and that II wus safer 10 go over Than thru,
an quicker dun. Every now and then he'd
paw one side of his head with fusl one fore
leg and then tother; then he'd gin himself
an open.handed slap, that sounded like
wagon whip, and nlnnin' all the time, and
carryin' that gopher jist about as fast and
high from the yearth as ever gopher was
carried, swar. When he cum 10 the fence
he busted rite thru it, tarin' nigh onto seven
panels, scalterin' and breakin' the rails
nightly; and here he left the gopher,
gears, swingletrees and klevis, all mixed
up, not with dum; most of his shirt stuck
to the broken end of splintered rail, and
nigh unto pint o. hornets staid with the
shirt, stingin' it all over-lhe balance on
'em, about gallon and half, kept on with
dad. He seemed TO run jist as fast as hor-
net could fly, for it wus the tightest race |
ever did see down thru the grass they all
went, the hornets sorter maxim it look like
smoke all around dads head, and he with
nothin' on but the bride, and nigh onto
yard o. plow line sailin' behind him.
seed he was aimin' for the swimmin' hole
in the creek, whar the bluff is over twenty
feet perpendicular 10 the water, and it's
nigh onto ten feet deep. To keep up his
character as hoss, when he got to the bluff
he iist leaped of, or rather, he jist kept on
runnin.' Now right thar, boys, he overdid
the thing, if that wus what he wus arter,
1 4 r. Ill IL