San Andreas independent., 1858-01-02
The Volunteer" on Surprise Parties.
Saint Nickalas Hotel, Nov. II, 1857.

EDDYTURs SUNDAY TINES: Solomon
/ sed thar was nuthing new onder the sun,
and so / spose the old wisaker was not
onackwainted with the mater of surprise
parties. Prehaps the Kween Of Shebar
drapt in on him unexpected, when she
cum to Jerewsalem with :" great kum-
pany;" but then she brung with her,
cloves, nutmegs, cinnament, roobies, and
plenty of tin to pay for the board of her
self and trends! Modern surprise par
ties Is conducted on meener plan. They
are nuthin more nor less than sekrit con-
splrrysees to etc fammaly outer house
and hum. Forty OF fifty yung men and
wimmin suddenly invade the peaceful
manshin of an onsuspishus nayber, hop
onter his perwishins like flock of locus
ses inter patch of garden sarse, and arter
devourin evry thing etabul and diejestin
thar stealins with danse, 90 off about
midnight, leavin him without brekfst
for his disconsolate fammaly, and his wife
and darters and sarvents in a state of dis
trackshin borderin on hysterix BY way
of addin insult to injury, the yung forri-
gers acktilly tork of thar explite the mex
day as a capital joke.
Wunst, and wunst only, I jincd in a
morradin expedishin of this karracter,
but you'd better bleve | was hully igno-
rant of its desine and purpus. In my
yuthe | hav robbed peech orchards and
water million patches, and ben cort at it
and lammed, but [ never felt hafe SC
mean and streeked as | did on that ocka-
shin. If it warnt burglary, it cum on
righteous near it. The sene of the out
rage was lonely kuntry residence the
evenin was dark and spooky, and nuthil
was wantin to kumpleat the feloniouS
aspeck Of the affair excep skeleton KEGS
dark lanterns and pistils. The inmates
of the dwellin was so struck all of heap
with astonishment, that it was unnecessary
to mock EN- down and tie EN-. They stood
around pale and helpless, trying to do the
perlite and consillyatin while about twenty
of the gang pillidged the pantries and
sellar, and overhauled the winter stores Of
the establishment Another detachment
laid the cloth, and then a line was formed
from the kitchen to the parlor, to hanc
up the grub. And all this was dun under
pretense of savin the fammaly trubble.-
Havin sackt the kitchin and store rooms
and sot out yittals, wine and coffee enuf
for small army, one of the invaders
tuck the cheer, and the hull confidence
party seized the nives and forks, and pur
ceeded to walk inter the cold turkey
ham, tung, mince pies, hum made bred
and cetery, declarin all the while, will
thar mouths half full Of plumber, thai
they liked to be naburly. The peepul o1
the house was kindly invited to jine in
but in coarse they couldn't taste a morsil
1t was reely melloncoly to see thar misabul
attempts to look happy and hospital
Payshents on a monyment smilin at greet
but feebly expresses thar condishun.-
Tears stud in the eyes Of the childurn as
the pies and cakes disappeared, witch the
payments, feerful of givin offense, attriby-
ted to the kollic. The only BAN to my
ackusin konshense is that | fetched nuthin
| he'd frekwently skoured the country fol
pervishuns, in the Crimeah, and never
felt emmy skrupel about forridging upon
the enemy, but this mite attack on de-
fenseless nabur was outer my line
After the feed thar was frolic. A
yung female plunderer dumped herself on
the music stool, opened the pianner, and
began to play quick waits In five
minutes the tables was sot aside, the foldin
doors jerked back, and the buildin, witch
was frame, and not filled in with brick,
was jiggering to the motion of thirty pares
of heels, like miners tent in Calitorny
earthquake. The dust few outer the car
pets, and the whitewash blisters on the
sealin busted into an artifshal sno storm,
and too pooduls in the basement began to
howl, onder the idee that the floor abuv
was Gavin in, but providenshilly the Deems
and rafters didn't kollaps. The perceed-
ins wound up with a general shassay crazy
and hans all round, arter witch the KUN
pany tuck thar leve, remarkin that they
had past deliteful evenin, and prommy-
naded to their homes
These surprise parties, am informed,
will be very fashinabul amnng yung pee
pie doorin the winter; but | think eff l
was fammaly man, should keep bull
dogs in the parlor as safegard agin EN-,
and have sine bord over the frunt dore,
with the subsekwent inskripshin
WARNING TO SURPRISE PARTIES Onexpec-
ted Soshil Getherns Disperst with Rcvolyers-
| At the Shortest Notsr'
I persoom this would be sufishent, on
less the soshil surprisers should organize
as artillary kumpanies, and determin to
carry their neiehbor's houses by storm.
Holdin to the old noshin that every man S
dwellin is his cassil, and shouldent be
sezed upon by ether strattyjim or force,
rename as formally, Yours, allus,
A DIsBANDED VOLUNTEER.
THE NEXT CoNGRrss.-Th elections
for members of the House of Represen-
+o4r I Il IL.