Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1858-01-15


II lent you one year ago tonight four dol
lars and eighty-soven cents. If you have not
had 1t long enough, please keep it one year
longer"
We give the answer
Had forgotten it, and hoped you had
Let her ram another year.
Two little girls, who reioiced in play
houses and rag-babics. become dissatisfied on
finding that the babies faces. so easily soiled,
could not be washed. They were not the
kind Of babies. surely; and they both knot
down together, while the elder one devoutly
prayed, over and over again 10, Lord /!
give me baby! Lord, please to give me a
baby--a meat baby |"
"OLD Pur."-On one occasion. during the
Revolution, "Old Put" had received lot Of
new recruits and as he had some fighting he
wished to do before long. and wanted none
but Cillng men, he drew up his eyies in rank
before him
"Now, boys" says he, ~ don't want to
retain any of you who wish to leave there
fore, if any Of you are dissatisfied. and wish
to return home they may signify the same by
stepping six PAGES in front Of the line
But, added the old war dog, "l'll shoot
the first man that steps out.
A Frx-Thc other day, as Chang and
Eng, the Samese twins, were going to
Charleston, the Conductor of the cars made
a fuss because they did not each have tick
et The gentleman who had charge of them
said that they had always been carried on the
ticket as single passenger The Conduc-
tor replied that they were two persons and
occupied two seats, they must therefore pay
two passages. Very WE'LL said the gentle
man, " ] will give the ticket to Chang and
you can put Eng OF the Cars" This brought
the Conductor to his senses and he knock
ed under"
GENtus.-Intelect cant bear fashionable
refinement, and dies under it in one or two
generations. If you would select a youth
who is likely to make his mark in the world,
take one who is carting mud in a clam-shell
wagon, or building houses in the sand-and
not the delicate baby who is fondling a china
lap-dog on the parlor carpet. Daniel Web
stcrs father made a cradle for little Dan out
Of pine log with an axe and auger Lewis
Cass was rocked by his staid New Hamp-
shire mother in a secondhand sugar trough.
Tho great architects for the manufacture of
genius are Poverty and Democracy.
ELEcTRIcfrY OF KISSES. -- Learned wo-
men in the East are lecturing on electricity,
and standing on glass stools and communi-
eating with battery, invite gentlemen to kiss
them. As the faces come together, an cleo
trio spark is discharged from the fcminincs
nose which usually ends the experiment.
We have seen the experiment tried, emitting
the battery and stool. but although the ex-
pertinent was dreadfully trying TO the nervous
system, the experimentor usually requested
repitition. The electric kiss-without the
stool and battery-s said to be something
like the application of chloroform after the
first disagreeable sensation is over, the patient
has a disposition 20 continue the application
until it is sometimes the death of him.
ALI or THE SAME IDEA.--A Coon JOKE
"A Prussian Journal of the Lower Rhine
tells very good joke of a religious commu-
nifty thereon, who appreciating the long and
able services of their faithful minister, unani-
mously resolved, as slight testimonial of the
same, to present him this year of a bountiful
vintage, each with a bottle of white wine.-
The minister, of course duly sensitive to this
delicate tribute of love and affection, as well
as pretty proud of it, an evidence that his
ministry had not been altogether in vain, and
at considerable expense, prepared in his cellar
a huge ornamental cask, into which on the
appointed day appeared every member of his
flock and empted his bottle But what was
the surprise OF the minister, as well as of the
generous donors, on tasting from the now
overhowing casS, to find that it was not wine
but water "A strange thing, certainly, and
Of which We have no other explanations than
this that every member of the society was of
the same idea. that one bottle of water would
not be noticed in a whole cask of wine.
MARRIED VS.. UxMARRrED.-" Yoa have
no wife, believe said Mr.. Blank to his
neighbor.
" No, sir, was the reply, 81 Inever was mar
ried'
"Ah," said Mr.. Blank, you are a happy
dog"
A short time after, Mr.. Blank, in address
sing married man, said
"You have wife, sr?'
&" Yes, sir wife and three children"
" Indeed" said Mr. Blank, you are hap
py man"
Why, Mr.. Blank, said one of the COM
pany, "your remarks to the married and un-
married seem to conflict somewhat"
Not at all--not at all, sir. There is a
difference in my statement. Please be more
observing, sir. ! said the man who had no
wife was happy dog, and the man who had
a wife was a happy man. Nothing conflicting,
sir--nothing at all. know what say sir =
The MARRIAGE FEE.-The late DR.. Boyn-
ton was once disputing with a farmer about
the ease with which a minister earned his mo-
ney Now said the farmer, when you are
called on to marry couple, you never expect
a less sum than three dollars, and you some