The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1858-05-01

~ The tongue Of woman l. her sword, and
il seldom gets rusty.
~ You will never have y friend IL you
must have one without falling.
r. An lrishmnn says, that coffin is the
house a man lives ~ When he - dead.
~. WHY is an overloaded gun like nm Of
flee holder? Because II kicks nightly when
Il is discharged.
- 10 prevent your hair from coming out,
never let your wife catch you kissing the SER
vans girl
70. II is.o question vhclhcra person whose
voice is broke, is not the more competent 10
sing pieces
~ |, mllcth out with love as il doth with
vines, for the Young vines bring the most
wine, but thcold is best
" Cato said, "IIc had rather people
should inquire why hc had not i statue erect
ed to his memory than why he had
70 The old lady who believes every ca.
lamity that happens to herself trial, and
every one that happens to her friends judg-
ment, is not yet dead.
lV- " Would YOU not love TO gaze on Nj
Uglm forever T Sdtd T0WuUrtC- yUuUE Frrt
To her less romantic companion. ooh, no.
-sall hn :" ahnuldnt Like to -halr ~ es.t'iat,t
always in my eye
~ Numbers engage thciI lives and lahors.
some to heap together little dirt that shall
bury them in the end; others TO gain an
honor, that AT hest can be celebrated hut 10y
an incousidcrohlc part of the world, and is
cu,icd and illuminated by more than 1t is
truly given
t7- When the learned pigwos in the zenith
Of his popularity. n wag who attended the
performance mulciously set before him some
pcaS--a temptation which Immediately caused
the animal 10 lose his cue. The pig-cNhibitur
demonstrated with the author OF the mischief
upon the unlairncSs of the proceeding, when
the latter replied that he merely wished to
see rhciley The pig kHc,c his PS .tro0'hS QS.
lW' The following sensible little lyric, en-
titled " A Farewell is from the "Audromc-
"a, and other Poems" a new volume rv Oh.
Kingsley just published by ricRnor s. Fields;
My hirc,t child. have no song to give YOU;
No lark could pipe 10 skies 80 duh and gray;
Yet ere We part one lesson can leave YOU
For every day.
BE good, sweet maid. and let who will he clever;
Do noble things, not droam them all dav long
And 80 make life, death. aud that vast forever
One =raili--EIrrEi SsgsE--
~ a good story is told Of Michigan
man.who recently went, down into lndinn, To
buy drove of horses He was longer alb
NtNl lnhN lt llltNhih' anu ldllNu W HltNA "
business engagement On being rather re.
preached for not being home, he made due
apology
81 tell YOU how it is squire" said he, "at
every little darncd town, they wanted me to
stop and be president of a bank
tV- There is a story that Lord Byron was
once told that it was the intention OF Walter
Savage Laudor to introduce him sotiricall
into new e" innryConvcrsation.' " If h,
does" said Byron, I'll certainly call him out.
When Landor heard this he replied, Wen
did not really mean to show up his lordsbil
in n Conversation, but now | will You may
tell him that though he prides himself upor
being good shot, am better. Byrons hanc
trcmhlcs mine is steady. | would undertake
to strike off his nose with pistcl-shot with
out grazing another feature of his face" Thu
is said to have silcnccd the handsome noble
man, who though he did not fear Gcath, hnC
horror Of mutilation and deformity.
HINTS TO MARRIED MEN.-Pcppcrgras
says that if he stays out late at night, ant
wishes to avoid scolding or a curtain lcctnr,
from Mrs. F., he generally waits out to thu
awe smu' hours ayont the t~aF, when thu
anger of his better half subsidies into fear
- for his personal safcty. He goes ot1 "or
business" with promise to he home at nine
IIolfpast nine. Mrs. =. uneasy; ten. positive
ly cnrnged. and rchcrrscs TO Herself an nd
dress for Peppcrgras,s especial edification
filled with cutting repronches eleven, vague
uncasiness. accompanied by an indefinite fca
that something must have happened :" half
past eleven, nervous experimentation
take the place of withcring glnnccs twelv
o'clock, uncomfortable suspenSe--if she onl,
knew the worst One o'clock, is completed,
worked up, has the conniption," and i
about going of the handle, when Peppergrns
-erfieeEt-thFepys herself into his arms, over
joycd to sec him, MS she "wns so afraid SOM
accident must have happened to him"