Brookville American. [volume] (Brookville, Ind.) 1858-1861, 1858-03-12

TO make an excellent Jam Squeeze.
six or eight women, now-a-days, Into
common stage-coach.
Jack your wife Is not q. pcnsise ~
she used TO be" Well, a--hump--no
she left that and became expensivsf
Tying mnckefel 10 your coat tail,
God imagining yourself a whale. - one
ohtbe first lessons in Goldfish aristcc-
racy.
InoSY-Is pig iron poirifcd pork or
lconacalcd bacoaf A member Of an
Ieminont manufacturing firm says, II
V5hmcll il, we should find ont.
rou have broken the Sabbath. John.
ny, said good man u. his son.
'Ycs, said bis little sister. and moth
er's long comb, too, in three pieccs!'
Old Mrs. Darniy is pattern ofhou>o-
hold economy. She says she has
made a pair Of socks last 1f(een
years by only knitting new feet 10 them
every winter, and new legs 70 them eye-
ry other winter.
A lawyer, not over young or hand
some, examining lady witness In court,
determined TO perplox her, and said:
Miss, upon my word, you are very pret.
ty.' The young lady very promptly
replied, Il would return the compliment,
sir, If l were not under oath"
A young man, by the name of Smith,
has been arrested for perpetrating
new dodge" He fastened bristles On
. a l.
rel. The purchaser was gentleman
from Germany.
A lady at sea, In gale Of wind, be- ].
ing full of apprehension, cried out We
shall 90 to the bottcm--mercy on us,
how my head swimsr Madame, said
sailor, you'll never 20 TO the be-
tom while your head swiinsP t c1
An invctcrate bachelor bcin., asked
why he did not secure some fond ones >,
company In his voyage on the ocean Of
life, replied--'I would If were sure
such mn ocean would be pacific. Pru-
dent old bach.
A young lady being in want Of
dyer WIS referred TO an excelcnt work
man, and something OF wag in his
line. The lady called and askcd "Are
you the dying NAM mo, ma'am, I'm
= living man, but I'll dye for you.r
promptly replied the man OF many col.
ors, putting the emphasis where il was
needed.
IA i,pomnt plrnnslogisi stopped, at.
| a r6siic flrm house, the proprietor >of
which was busily engaged in threshing.
"Sir, / am a phrenologist. Would
YOU like me 20 examine the heads Of
your children / will do il cheap "a.
"Wall, said the farmer, pausing be-
tween two strokes, 81 rather guess they
don't need IT, The old woman combs
them with q fne-tooth comb once q
week" b =
A pair Of Irishmcn who were recent
| ly travelling towards the Iron City, 8
came upon mile-board standing by the
wayside, with this inscription upon H.
"43 Mil 8 from Pittsburgh" Supposing
IL TO be u tombstone, one OF them gent
" tapped the other upon the shoulder,
and said, TREAD lightly, Jammy =
here les the dead; 43 years ould, an
his name is Miles, from Pittsburgh"
A LuDiokors AIsrAKE.--A ludicrous,
mistake happened some time ago at a
funeral in Marylebonc. The clergy
! man had gone on with the ser
vice until lie came to the part which
sayr, 'Our deceased brother or sister,"
without knowing whether the deceased
was male or female lie tursfed 20 ono
Of the ipourncrs. and asked whether IL
was brother or sister The man very
Einnoccntly replied, '.No relation at all,
sir, only an acquaintance. s
An accepted lover ore day' walking
in pretty village in Bcdfoffsbirc,
along with the object Of his affections
hanging upon his arm, and describing
fthe arJency Of his slove, remrrkea:
'Hcw transported / am % have sou
Hanging on my armi' ss3 ft ~
Upon my word" said The lady, "you
make us out very respectable couple,
Ewhcuonc IS transported, aud'the other
is hanging7' eaE
II WonAN's CuRrosITr.- following
scene Is recommended 10 the considera-
ton OF our yornt gents who me ctltiya-
ting their upper lips: - =. -. 4
| Amy-Iwonder how II goes 70 kiss
one Of those creatures with a horrid
moustachey
4 Fanhy.-'why Ia Amy, Of courseI
q don't lnJwl' e.ae
Amy.--'well, I'm going to get tho
boot brush and try H.
Amy finds out and the scene closes
married gentleman, ovory timo lie
met tho rich father OF bis wife. COM
|, planned 10 him of the ugly temper ofbie