The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1857-09-02
SUIT SHIRT.
BY 81 OF TENNESSEE.

BY 81 Ot TEN ES6EE.
The first one 1 met was 'Sut' (after
crossing the Hiwassee.) weaving along
in his usual rambling, uncertain gait /;
his appearance at ouco satisfied me that
something was wrong. He had been
siGk-Whipped in a free fight, or was
just outgrowiDg one of his big DRINKS.
But upon this point I was soon enlight-
ened.
why, Sut, what's wrong?'
Sleeps wrong; durn my skin eff 1
haint most dead. Lite eff on that ar
hoss,y George, an take a horn, while 1
take tive Shaking that everlasting flask
of his at mel an plant yourself on that
ar log an I'll tell you eff L kin, bat it's
most beyond %tellin'. I reckon I'm the
darndest fool out en- Utaw, 'cept my
dad, for he acted boss, an 1 haint done
that yet-allers in sum trap that cudent
ketch a sheep. I'll drownd myself sum
day, see eff 1 don't, just to stop a family
disposition to make id fools on them
selves
How is it, SUIT, have you been beat
playing cards, or drinking, which is it?'
Mara one /; that can't be did in these
parts; but seeiu' its you, George, I'll
tell sou; but 1 swar I'm sham6-sick
sorry, and--and mad, I n.
You know 1 boards with Bill Carr,
athis cabin on the mountain, and pay
for such es I gets when I hev money,
an when I haven't eny, why he takes
one third owe it outen me in %cussin; an
she, that's his wife Belts, takes out two
thirds with the battlin' stick, an the
intrust with her tung, and the intrust's
more'n the principI-heap more. She's
the eussidest 'omenI ever seed eny how
fur jaw an pride. She can scold a bis
ter onto o BULLS face rite on the curl in
two -minits. She patterns arter every
fashun she hears tell on, from bussels to
briches. Oh she's one on EN-, and
sometimes she's two or three. Well We
see, / had got sun homemade cotton
truck to make a new shirt outep, and
-coxed Bets to make it, and about the
time it wur dun, here comes Lawyer
johnson along an axed for breakfus.
II wish it had Pisened him durn his
hide, an I wonder it didn't, fur she
cooks awful mixing when she trys. I'm
.pizen proof, myself, (hOlding up his flask
aud peepipg through it, ur I'd been
dead long ago.
well, while he wur q %eatin,' she sp:ed
out hat his shurt was stiff an nifty
slick ; so she never rested till she worm
ed it outen him that a preparation owe
-four did it, an she got a few particulars
about the proceedings tn, outen him by
s'oman's art don't know how she did
it, derhaps he does. AFTER he left, she
sos IN an billed a big pot owe paste, nigh
onto a peck of it, and souzed in my shurt
and let it soak awhile; and then she
tuck it an ironed it out fiat and dry, an
set it up on is edge agin the cabin in
-thesun. Thar it stood as stiff as a dry
boss hide, an 1t ratified like a sheet owe
iron, it did. 1t wur pasted together all
oyer. When 1 cum to dinner, nuthin'
wud du bat 1 must put it 90. Well
Belts an me got the thing open arter
sum hard work, she pullin' at one of the
tails an me ct tother, an 1 got into it.
.Durn the everlastin' new tangled shurt,
Isay. Il felt like I'd crawled inter an
old bee gum, an hit full owe pisants :;
but it wur like Lawyer Johnson's, an 1
went to wurk to bid Belts a ash-hopper
Iworked powerful hard an SWEET like a
boss, an when the shurt got wet it quit
its hurtin.' AFTER 1 got dun, 1 tuck
about four fingers owe red he'd an crawl
ed up into the cabin loft to take a
snuse.
well, when I walked up I thot I was
ded, or had the cholery, for all the jints
4 cud muye wer my ankles, wrists am
knees-cudn't even muvo my head, an
skasely wink my eyes-the cussed shurt
was pasted fast all over, from the pint
owe the tails u the pint of the broadax
collars over my ears. It sot+o me as
clost as q poor COW dus her hide in
March. I squirm'd an strained till 1
got, it.sorter broke at the shoulders an
!. elbows, an then 1 dun the durndest fool
thing ever did in these mountains. l
shufHed my britches off an tore loose
from my hide about two inches owe the
tail all round, in much pain and tribu-
lation. Oh but it did hurt. Then [
tuck a plank outen the loft, an hung
my legs down thru the hole an nailed
the aidge owe the frunt tail tn the aidge
Of the floor before, and the hind tail L
nailed to the plank what I sot on. 1
s~zbuttoncd the collar an rist bands,