Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1857-02-12

AN old bachelor friend.
Es.A lady,bcing in wan: Of dyer, was
referred to an EXCELLENT workman. some
shing of 4 wag in hia line. The lady call
ed and asked
Are You dyeing msn??"
NO, ma'am; ara living man, bat
will dye for you'"--promptly replied the
man Of many colors, putting the emphasis
where it was most needed.
Es@No proof of temperance man with
his hat off, at midnight. explaining to a
lamp post the principles of his party.
Eg-A editor out West, who served
four days on jury. says he is so full of
law that it is hard for him TO keep from
cheating somebody.
Es~The Boston Post has the credit for
the last and latest liquid remedy for bald
ness
sc brandy externally till the hair
grows, and then take it internally to ctinch
Tire roots"'
rt'-A man from the country applied
lately to respectable lawyer for legal ad-
yice. After detailing the circumstances of
the case, he was asked if he had stated the
facts exactly as they had happened.
Yes. sir" replied the applicant, 81
have told YOU the plain truth-you can put
the lies to it YOURSELF
FIT How slippery whiskey punch makes
side walks.
IN-A friend Of ours on being told that
ii he wanted good health, he must .'forego
CIGARS answered that he would rather
90 four cigars than forego one"
Ts~Why is traveller ascending Mt
Vesuvus. like an Irishman trying to kiss a
pretty girl? He wants to get at the era
fer's mouth.
LE-Dow. Jr., iii allusion to the exclusion
-of many would be church-goers from the
sanctuary, by reason of high pew rents in
our fashionable churches, rcmarks-'.Thc
reason why "A majority of YOU so 10 Belize
bub "a because YOU can't afford to go TO
Heaven at the present exhorbiiant prices.
ES-How to sweeten sol,ude--Shut a
boy down cellar, and give him free access
10 the molasses barrel.
There's nothing half so sweet in life as
lives yourg Dream" sucking molasses
through q clean straw alone excepted.
Eg a person choking with a potatoc
may be instantly relieved by swallowing a
PUMPKIN.
Es- y correspondent wishes to know
If jpke is good for anything after it is
cracked
re- Did YOU ever hear Of TIE wife that
wrote to her husband in California, and
commenced her letter thus
ooh tell m: not that absence cures
love! the longer YOU stay away The better
! like you
HWhy is Il man with bad memory,
covetious? Because he is continually for
getting!
Ezf-"Why does father call mother
honey" asked little boy Of his elder
brother
Cant think, 'cept lis because she has a
great comb in her head
Irs-"Jimmy, can you describe bat?''
"Yes, SIR
We'll. proceed
''He is flying insect about the size Of
s:opple; has India rubber wings, and a
shoe-s!ring TAIL
ES My son, why did you bite your
brother? Now | shall have to whip you.
Don't You remember the Golden Rule |
taught you? 1t you wouldn't like to have
your brother bite you. you shouldn't bite
your brother oh. mother git Out
with your whipping. Remember the Gold
en- Rule yourself. If you wouldn't like
me to whip You, faint right you to whip
me,
EE Anxious parent. who has Just I'm
ished whipping a child thee years old
Now. my child. hope you will be
good so that | shall not have to whip YOU
again
Child-If you must whip any one
you'd better whip one of your size
@-' May leave a few tracts?' asked
missionary Of an elderly lady, WHO repii,'
to his knock Leave some tracks, certain
ly you may said she. looking at him mos
benignly over her specks-'Leave then
with the heels towards the house, if yol
please
~ Well, said soft hearted iona
than the other day, 'Suke has gin me tn
sack. by gravy! I've lost her. Los
Der, how? inquired a sympathizing FRIEND
Il laid the soft soap on to her so thic
that the crittcr got so proud she wouldn
speak to me-
IS-Four more pathetic lines than thes
are rarely written. The figure. which
involves is barbaric:
"a solemn murmur in souls,
From dead things once adored,
Is like the echoes from the polls,