The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1857-07-04
Laugh Over It j.; We Did.

We take the following from IIarpcr's
Magazine for July.
Whence it came into the Drawer we can not
say, or We would but nightly amused the
funny man has been with the live Yankee
who came to clothing emporium in Lewis
ton. Maine. to buv him wcddin suit. His
name WAS Nehemiah Ncwbcyin. and he was
"l.,...s ,--"!.. L-...--.- -. L..:..-
clothes aS we'll as in Keeping house. lIa, ing
selected coat. vest. and pants that ,ormrd
to be about right As to prrr. he tried the
>torr-lnan in the way ot barter in this >tNlc
'ncw YOU ever take projacc for your cloth
, ing ,"
Take what ,"
"rrojucc--yarlcn sa>~ and sch don't do it
dew You >"
We'll. occasionally We do. What have
YOU to sell ?'
"Oh, almost any thing; little of every
thing. from narrowfat peas to rye straw ;
got the allkilinc>t dried punkins ycou ever
set your eye on-'Xpcct meow. you'd like some
of that dried punkin. squire ,"
The proprietor declined negotiating for
the dried pumpkin but inquired if he had
any good butter.
"G-o-o-'! butter. now. squire. | expect I've
got some Of tht incest and yclcrcst YOU ever
Sot eyes on. Got some cout here now-got
some i'll >hooScr box. cout in dads wagon
Brought it down for Kernel Wldron. but
ycou can have it. Ill bring it rite slratc in
here. darned et don't. -
On the strength Of the butter dckcr was
speedily contracted. for which Nehemiah was
put in Immediate and absolute possession of
a coat vest. and pants.
But would they fit Nehemiah was will
ing to trust the coat and vest indeed he
could put them and off in Il minute. and
they were neat as wax. Where could he
try the pants on? Not right there in the
store. with the Strcct-door open. and women
folks coming and gong all the while. Now
it happened well that the new clothing store
had corner curtained off for the purpose
and Nehemiah was speedily closed therein
The pants had straps. and the straps were
buttoncd. Nehemiah had seen straps before
but the art of managing them was a MYSTERY
On consideration, he decided that the boots
must go on first. He then mounted chair
elevated his pants at a proper angle, and
cndcavorcd to coax his legs into them. lie
had a time of it. His boots were none of
the smallest, and the pants were none of the
widest; the chair, too was rickcty, and
bothered him =; but bending his energy tc
the task, he succeeded in indncing one leo
into the ''pcsky things" He was stradlled
like the Colossus of Rhodes, and just in the
act of raising the other foot. when whispering
and giggling in his immediate Vicinity m ade
him alive to the appalling fact that nothing
but chintz curtain separated him from
twenty or thirty of the prcttiest and wickcdcs,
girls that were ever Gagged in one shop.
Nehemiah was bashful youth, and would
have made a circumbendibus of mile an,
day rather than meet those girls. even if he
had been in full dress as it was his mouth
was much ajar at the bare possibility of
making his appearance among them in his
present dishabille. What if there was a hole
in the curtain What if he should fall I,
would not bear thinking of and plungine
the foot into the vacant leg with a sort of
frantic looseness, he brought on the very
catastrophe he was so anxious to avoid. The
chair collapsedwith sudden scrouch, pitcbins
Nehemiah heels over head through the cur,
tain, and he made a grand entrance among
the stitching divinities, ON all fours, like a
fattened rhinoceros.
Perhaps Collier himself never exhibited
more striking tnbleau rirant than was now
displayed. Nehemiah was "model," every
inch of him. and, though not exactly reyoly-
ing on pedestal, he was going through that
movement quite as well on his back-kickino
and plunging; in short, personifying in
thirty seconds all the attitudes ever chiseled
As for the girls, they screamed. of course
jumped upon chairs and cutting boards, threw
their II hands over their faces, peeped through
their fnSers-perfectly natural screamed
knew they should.
80 Lord ~ blubbered the distressed younp
nan "dont, gals, don't didn't 90 tew I
swan to man l didn't-it's all owing to these