The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1857-01-14
The Disguised Lover.


My friend Tom has a natural affection fol
dirt, or rather dirt has a natural affection fo1
Iom 1t is to him what gold wasdo Midas
whatever be touches turns to dirt. No matter
how white the cravat-no matter how immac-
ulate the@est, the moment that it comes within
the sphere OF Toms influence, its whiteness is
gone, It's immaculate no longer. Dogs, sweeps
and lampllghters never pass him, without leav-
ing upon bis dress unequivocal marks of their
presence.o Once, and only once, saw him cross
the street without encountering the wheels of a
carriage. | opened my mouth to congratulate
him, and before | could utter one word it was
filled with mud. The careless blockhead lay
at my feet, full length in the gutter. At my
earnest solicitation, he once purchased suit of
precise y mud color. Itwas capital idea He
crossed the street three times, he walked half a
mile, and returned, in appearance, at least, un-
scathed The thing was unprecedented. True,
he was welcomed by the afectionate caresses
of dog that had been enjoying the coolness of
a horsepond; true, he received shower bath
from the wheels of an omnibus But to plaster
mud on Toms new coat was to guild refined
gold-to paint the lily"
''Tom will be a neat man yet,' | said as |
witnessed the success of my plan.
In about half an hour it was my fate to meet
a gentleman with seven stripes of green paint
on his back-it was my friend Tom; he had been
leaning against some newly painted window
blinds
His man, Caesar, declares that he **can't see
de use OBJ brack boot when he neber stay brack-
ed;' and his washerwoman, with a very proper
regard for her own reputation, has been com
PEELED to discard him, not from any i-will, but,
as she declared with upitted hands, ''if any one
should ask me if washed Mr.. Smith s clothes,
what could tell them?'' But there were few
things in this world with which Tom could have
more easily dispensed than the services of the
washerwoman.
Having no other amusement, one morning, |
strolled over to Toms room. | ascended the
stairs, l heard bis voice in very decided tone:
''But it must be done, and so there is an end
to it,
"Rea|ly,' was the reply, "anything within
the limits of possibility, but to make coat in
ten hours-1 will promise anything in the world,
but [ really fear shall be unable to perform -
"lfdoube your price would be amy ob ect--''
"Certainly, sir, if you insist upon it; certainly.
will put every man in my shop upon it; it shall
be done in time. Good morning, sir
The door opened, and fellow with shears
and measures passed out What could Tom be
doing with tailor?
''Just the man wanted to see," he exclaim-
ed; 81 require your advice upon a very impor-
tant affair." which Of these cravats do YOU think
most becominy?"'
And he spread before me some half dozen,
of every hue and fashion,
"Now. what in the name of all thatas won
dertul, does this mean, Tom? A fancy ball, isit?
You have chosen an excellent disguise; your
nearest friends will never know you. But YOU
cannot support the character; if you had taken
that OF chimney sweep now; but that would
have been too natural. Tell me, truly, Tom,
what does all this mean?''
why, the fact is, Frank passing a hand
through his hair redolent of macassar, Il have
concluded-I think | shall be little more neat
in future. You, doubtless, remember fhe good
advice you gave me sometime since; it has had
an excellent effect, | assure YOU
Now, it so happened, that of all the good ad-
vice | had ever given Tom, this was the first
instance in which he had seen fit to follow it..
So could not attribute the metamorphosis of
my friend to my eloquence. Who but woman
ever changed d SlOFen 10 a lOp.
''Pray, where are you going this evening?'
| continued, "that you must have new coat so
suddenly?"
''Gcing? no where in particular. I had, in
deed, some idea of calling on my old friend, Mr.
Murray; no harm in that, l hope.''
Conviction began to flash upon me-
"1our old friend, Mr.. Murray; and his niece
Miss Julia, has no share in your visit, suppose?
| heard that she arrived in town last night"
Now, upon my word, Frank, you mistake
me entirely. Il did not know that she was in
town last night-when THAT is, when il
did not know anything about it,
':And so you were there last night, too.-
Really, this is getting along bravely.'
"Why, the fact is, Frank, you must know
everything. I called last evening to see Muir
ray on some business, about that real estate,
you know. had no more idea of meeting
woman than boa-constrctor; my beard was
three days old, my collar ditto, and the rest of
my dress In excellent keeping. | became en-
gagged IN conversation, and somehow or other,
l forgot all about the real estate.''
"And so you are going again night-and
that is the secret Of your new coat?'
"By no means; [ wanted new coat, and
tailors are SO long, you know. Do you think
blue will become me? Blue is her tavorite-
that isl mean blue
cob, 60 on-don't stammer-b1ue is her ia
vore color, is it?''
r''The fact is, Frank-take another glass of
this wine-the fact is-good wne isn't it? been
two voyages to the Indes-the fact is, sup
pose-l rather fancy-I am a little in love-
Try some of that sherry. What are the symp-
toms, Frank-a queer feeling about the heart,
and something which drives the blood through
one like liyhtnng?'
Exactly! believe have seen Julia; short
and chubby, isn't she-wth red hair and
little squint eyed"' De-,
"Frank, | never did knock YOU down, though l
have been tempted to do so great many times;
but if you don't stop that nonsense, will"
Quite valiant in defence of your lady love.
Well, Tom, will confess that she is a lovely
girl, and to. morrow will call and learn yous
success. So, good morning.
.'W@l, Tom, what success"'
"W ouId you believe it? she did not recognise
me.'' s- ~. 80 '-. -'.'' '-t"
''Not recognise you?'' ,''.@ "'. -" +.
hat Al r q