Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1857-08-17
A DUEL UP NORTH I.
BY CLARA AUGUSTA.


A. D. 1856. The circumstances were briefly
these Jonas purchased patent boot-jack Of q
travelling agent, and Silas protested against the
purchase az a piece of reckless extravaganza !;
asserting that the patent jack was no better
than one he had, which was manufactured by
himself out Of a white-pine back log Silas' s
foot was mono Of your Chinese affairs, but q reg
out -snd-outer of Behemoth-ftted by boots No.
16, and boot-jsck No. =, back log ...
Jonas took offence at Silas's plain speaking
and retorted bitterly, and the war of words ran
high. At length Silas, who had been reading
the proceedings of Congress, challenged Jonas to
hight duel, and threatened to call him Boot
jack Whitcomb" forever, and thrash him in the
bargain, if he refused to fight. Jonas thought
the matter over, and after due deliberation
concluded he had rather be shot than be dubbed
Knight of the BoOt-jsek. So n meeting was
agreed upon. to take place the following day, in
Deacon Reed s tater patch, being somewhat re-
moved from the highway, and therefore favora-
BILE for the transaction of an affair most peremp-
,storily forbidden by the laws Of our State.
The weapons were to be the belligerents' own
guns, two very curious and original articles, by
the way, which without doubt dated back to the
times Of Tubal Cain. They were to have no
seconds, for fear of betrayal, and afterwards a
term Of years in the gray stone palace Of Con-
cord
The preliminaries being arranged, both par
ties went home to prepare themselves for the
very comfortable prospect Of breakfast Of lead
bullets on the ensuing morning.
Somehow, Mrs Whitcomb ''got wind of the
business, and she (being q woman Of spirit
called immediately on Mrs. Jones and revealed
all.
Mrs. Jones was a church member in good
standing with the brethren and sisters, and, Of
course, she felt dreadfully at the idea of being
the wife of duelist! So the two women put
their heads together, and between them quite
little plot was coneocted-almost equal to the
gunpowder plot celebrated in English history
1t was proposed that each lady should empty
the contents of her husbands powder horn into
the river, and substitute black sand for the
powder. This was accordingly done, after which
they awaited the result of the mornings rem
cOntre with anxious hearts.
Nine o'clock found the combatants upon
Deacon Reeds 'tater lot, each with his powder
horn along on his shoulder, and his gun in his
hand. The distance was measured off-the two
men solemnly shook hands, and then respec-
lively assumed their positions. At precon-
certed signal, each raised his weapon to his
shoulder and-tried to fire. But the obstinate
things wouldn't go of? Jonas gave hearty
tug at his shooting iron, but it only snapped
sulkily, as much as 70 say il would do as it had
mind to, and no thanks to body. Silas'
gun was Of the same opinion, and the mems
chances Of being shot seemed rather dubious
Jonas, after little while, got irritated, and
squatting down on the ground, he pounded the
barrel for fifteen minutes or so with q sharp
rock, but without producing any effect worth
mentioning. Then Jonas rose up, and finging
the gun as far as he could over the hedge, he
cried out, spitefully-
"Damnation seize the thing wish il was
in Flanders"
. wish mine was there, too" cried Silas.
examining his artillery minutely, and finding
nothing satisfactory about it, he tossed it after
Jonas
Then both men looked at each other, in blank
dismay.
What shall we do?" exclaimed Silas.
don't know, returned Jonas, ''unless we
take fists for it.
"But can't fight 50, I've got an awful felon
on my right fore finger, and that'll be in the
way: Silss evidently felt bad about it, -rf
Well, then, suppose we kick it out!
I'm sorry that 1 can't accommodate you,
but my feet are so covered with eorns that it's
onpOssible, I'll bate with ye, and that's the best
/ eoa do"
u should be glad to bite but the truth is,
my front teeth are all false ones-cOst fifty dol
lars-and 1 kinder don't like to spile 'em!''
What shall We do, them" asked Silas, in
despair.
Let's sit down here on this log and consider
the matter, I'm tired" Jonas red, perspiring
face spoke more plainly than hi. tongue So
the men eat down on the two extreme ends Of
the log, and eyed each other for q while in
ellence- At length SIla5 arose.
Look here, neighbor Whtcomb, what if we
should make up? / hadn't any business to say
anything about ysur boot jack, and I'm sorryJ
did. don't doubt but your jack 8 fine thing .
Whitcomb sprsng to bis feet, and grasped
JOnas's hand.
Don't say q word about it, neighbor Jonas;
it's L, only L, that's to blame ought to have
been ashamed to have got put out at 30 small a
thing; it was nothin' but the truth, either. /
i ask your fOrgiyenesso
No, neighbor WhitcOmb, it's that should
ask your forgiveness. I'm the only one that's
to blame, and 1 feel heartily ashamed of my
self could crawl into hOller log and stay
there fortnight, if it would only undo what
I've done"
Ny dear friend, / beg leave to assure you
that il is I, not you, that is in error, and''.
tell you, Whitcomb, it is no such thing
IT, all my fault; and am so ashamed that L
could-''
Il am one that ought to creep into the hol
low log, and stay there till learn better than
TO treat good neighbor in such shameful
way I'd no business TO get mad with you
for"
Yes you did, too, You did Just right
just as any Christian man would have done,
and, now. as it's my fault
g 1t amt so, l tell you that I'm the one
that's to blame. It's all my ungoyernable
temper. I've got the ugliest temper of any
man in WheatwOld." "
Why, nsighbOr Whitcomb, your temper
can hold candle to mine L was alters
called the quarrelsomest boy in school, and YOU
know it. So it's me, and not you, that ought
TO apologize"
It's false; And if you don't stop contra
dleung me, I'll let you know I've got a temper
worth having, d just "a leave fight about tenn
pers as boot jacks" Whiteomb was getting
slightly exasperated
SO had L. cried neighbor Jonas, and at it
they went, pulling, striking, kicking, cutting,
and biting. EelOns, false teeth and cosrns we re
forgotten, and there was a general knock down
Jonas rolled over in the mud, with Whitcomb
uppermOst, or tOppermOst, as he afterwards
expressed 1t to his wife; Notwithstanding his
disadyantage, he managed to bite a piece out
OF Whiteomb's left ear, and Whitcomb very
kindly returned the compliment by imprinting
aglorious scratch on Jonas temple.
Ine contest lasted until the strength of the
champions was completely spent. Jonas was
lying submissiyely in a shallow ditch half filled
win frogs mud snakes and water, (the ditch