The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1857-09-24
COUSIN SALLY DILLARn
by HAMILTON c. JONES.

we 'hilik IL hiSh time-say several ex-
changes-that Cousin Sally billiard, CAP.
tain Rice d. Co., were again brought to the
memory of the public. They deserve to be
reproduced every few years. Especially
Will they keep our friends in a good humer
with themselves for at least week after the
reading.
ScENE-A Court Of Justice IN North Carolias.
"A beardless disciple Of Tbemis rises and
thus address the Court -" May it please
your worships, and you, gentlemen of the
Ju y, since it has been my fortune tgood or
bad will not say) to exercise myself in lc-
gal disquisitions, i. has never besallen ME to
be obliged to prosecute so direful, marked
and malicious an assault. A more willful.
violent, dangerous battery, and finally a
more diabolical breach Of the peace las
seldom happened in civilized country,
and l dare say it has seldom been your duty
to pass upon one so shocking to benevolent
feelings, ms this which took place over at
Captain Rice's, in this county. But you
will hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and deposed. One said
that he heard the noise and did not see the
fight, another that he seen The row but
didn't know who struck first, and third
that he was very drunk and couldn't saw
much about the skrimmagc.
Lawyer Chops-I am sorry, gentlemen.
to have occupied your time with the STU
pidlty of the witnesses examined. 1t arises,
gentlemen, altogether from msapprcl,en-
sion on my part. Had l known, as now
do, that had a witness in attendance who
was well acquainted will, all the circum-
stances of the case, and who was able to
make himself clearly understood by the
court and jury, should not so long have
trespassed upon your time and patieucc.-
Come forward, Mr.. Harris, and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, fat shuffv
old man, a leetl." corncd, and took his
oath with an air.
Chops-llarris, we wish you to tell all
about the riot that happened the other day
ut Captain Rice's, and, as good deal of
time has already been wasted in circumlo-
cution, we wish you to he compendious,
and at the same time as explicit as posi-
bic.
Enthusiastically, (giving the lawyer a
knowing wink, and at the same time clear
ing his throat.) Captain Rice he gin a
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come
over to our house and axed me if my wife
she mount goa 1told cousin Sally billiard
that my wife was poorly, being as how she
had touch of the rheumatics in the hip,
and the big swamp was in the road, and
the big swamp was up, for there had been
heap of rain lately, ut howsomever, as
it was she, cousin Sally Dil,ard, my wife
she mout 60. Well, cousin Sally billiard
then axed me if Nose he mount got I
told cousin Sally billiard that he was the
foreman of the crap, and The crap was
smartly in the grass; but, howsomever, rs
it waa she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose he
mout GO
Chops-In the name Of common sense.
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this
rigmarole?
Witness-Captain Rice lie gin trent
and cousin Sally billiard she come over to
our house and axed me if my wife she
mount go? told cousin Sally Dillard-
Chops-Stop, sir, if you please; we
don't want to hear anything about your
cousin Sally billiard and your wife; tell us
about the fight at Rice's.
Witness-Well will, sir, if you will let
mo.
Cbops-Well, sir, 90 on.
Witness-Well, sir. Capt. Rice he gin
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come
over to our to house aud axed me if nv
wife she moutn't 60
Chops-There it it again. Witness
please to stop.
Witness-Woll, sir, what do you want :
Chops-We want to know about the
fight. and you must not proceed in this i'm.
pertinent story. 10 you know anything
about the matter before the Courta
Witness-To be sure do.
Chops-Well, YOU 60 on and tell it, and
nothing else.
Witness-Well, Capt. Rice he Gin a
treat
Chops-This is intolerable. May it
please the Court, move that this witness
be committed for q eantempt; he seems 10
be trifing with this Court.
Court-Witness, you are before court
OF justice, and unless you behave yourself in
more becoming manner, yep will bs sent
TO jail; so begin and tell what you know
about the fight at Capt. Rice's.
Witness, (alarmed)-Well, gentlemen,
Capt. lsice he gin treat, and COUSIN Sally