Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1857-07-15
Yun1orars 8eaalItg,
SUT LOVEGOOD'S SHIRT.
BY 81, OF TENN.


The first one met was "Sut" (after cross
ing the Hiwassee,) "weaying along" in his usual
rambling, uncertain gait; his appearance at
once satisfied me that something was wrong.
He had been sick-whipped in fight, or was
Just outgrowing one of his big drunks. But
upon this point was soon enlightened.
"Why, Sut, what's wrong now ?"
"Heap's wrong; durn my skin eff haint
most dead. Lite off that ar hoss, George, an
take a horn, while take two, (shaking that
everlasting flask Of his at me,) and plant yer
self on that ar log, an I'll tell ye ef kin, but
its most beyond tellin. [ reckon l'sn the darn
dest fool outin' Utah, scept my dad, for he act
ed hoss, an I haint done that yit-allers in
some trap that cudent ketch sheep. I'll
drownd myself some day, see eff | don't, Jlst
tn stop family dispersition to make ID
fools on themselves"
Chow is it, Sut; have you been beat play
ing cards, or drinking, which is it 2"
"Nara one that can't be did in these parts1
but seein its you, George, III tell you; but l
swar I'm shamed-sick, sorry, and-and-mad,
am."
eye know I boards with Bill Carr, at his
cabin on the mountain, and pays for sich es l
gets when heve the money, and when heyent
eny, why he takes one third Of it outen me in
cussin; and she, that's his wife Belts, takes
tother two thirds with the battlin stick, and
the intrust with her tung, an the intrust's moren
the principl-heap more. She's the cussedest
'oman ever seed eny how fur jaw, breedin an
pride. She can scold q blister onto bulls
face rite on the curl two minits. She out
breeds ever thing SA@fe river-an' patterns
arter every fashun she hears, till on from bus
sils to briches. Oh she's one of EN-, and some
times she's two or three. Well, ye see, I'd
got some made cotton truck to make me new
shut outen, and coaxed Belts tu make it, and
about the time it wur don, here Gums Lawyer
johnson along an axed fur breckfus-1 wish it
had pizened him, durn his hide, and wonder
it didn't, fur she cooks awful mixins when she
trys. Pm pizen proof myself (holding up his
flask and peeping thro' IT'D ur I'd been dead
long ago."
dwell, while he wur eatin, she spied out
that his shut was stiff and NIFTY slick; so she
never rested till she wormed it outen him that
preparation of -four did it, and she got a few
particulars as bout the proceedings tu, outen
him by 'oman's art don't know how she did
it, perhaps he does. After he left, she sot in
and billed a big pot owe paste, nigh onto peck
of it, and souzed in my shirt, and let it soak
awhile; then she took it and ironed it out Hat
and dry, and sot it up on its aidge agn the
cabin in the sun. Thar it stood as stiff as a
dry hoss hide an it ratified like sheet owe iron,
it did 1t wur pasted tugether all over. When
I cum tn dinner, nuthin wud du but L must
put it on. Well, Belts and me got the things
open arter sum hard work, she pullin at one OF
the tails, and me at luther, all got intu 1t.
Durn the everlastn new tangled shut say.
felt like I'd crawled inter an old bee gum, and
hit full owe pis-antS; but it wur like Lawyer
Johnson's an stud it like a man, an went tn
work tu build Belts ashhopper. worked
powerful hard and SWEET like a hoss, an when
the shut got wet it quit its hurt!n. Arter
got dun, tuck about four fingers owe red eye,
and crawled up intu the cabin loft to take a
snuse.
"Well, when I walked up thot was ded,
or had the cholery, for all the jintS | cud move
were my ankles, wrists and knees-cudn't even
muve my he'd, and skasely wink my eye. The
cusSed shut wur pasted untu me all over, from
the pint of the tails tn the pint of the broadaX
collier over my years 1t sot to me as clost as
poor COW dus her hide in March. squirm'd
till got it sorter broke at the shoulders an
elbows and then dun the durndest fool thing
ever did in these mountains. | Shuffled my
briches off an tore luse from my hide about
two inches owe the tail all round, in much pain
and tribulation. Oh but it did hurt. Then
tuck up plank outen the loft, and hung my
legs down thru hole, and nailed the aidge owe
the front tail tn the aidgc of the loft before,
and the hind lail nailed tn the plank what l
sot on. I onbuttoned the collar and ristbands,
raised my hands way up abuv my head, shot
mp my eyes, said grace, an jumped thru tn the
ground hooy."
Here Sat ruminated sadly.
"Gcorge, Pm dernder fool than ever dad
was, hoss, hornets an all I'll drowned myself
sum owe these days, see eff don't.
"Well, 20 on Sut; did the shirt come off ?''
"I-think- -it---did, hern a
noise sorter like tarin shinge ruff off owe a
house. all at onst, and felt like my CUTS an bones
wur all that reached the fure. / staggered tu
my feet an TUX look up at the shut. The
nails had all Lilt thar holt, and thar it wur,
hanging arms down, inside out, and stiff as ever.
one of the wust battes-a patch owe my hide
bunch of my har about the size owe birds
nest thar; then some more skin then sum
paste; then little more har; then a heap owe
skin; then more har, then skin; an so on all
over that darned new tangled, everlastin, infer
nal cuss owe shut. 1t wur picture tn look
at-and so uar l. The hide, har and paste
wure about ekucally divided atween me and hit.
Wonder what Belts, durn her, thot when she
cum home and found Inc nissin. Spect she
thinks crawled intu the thicket and died ov
my wounds. 1t must av skarked her good, fur
I tell you it looked like the skin of sum wild
beast torn off alive or bag what had carried
load owe fresh beef from shootin match.
"Now, George eff ever ketch that Lawyer
johnson out, I'll shoot him, an ef an 'onan
talks about flatnin shut for me again, durn
my everlastn picter eff don't tlatten her.
" It's rt-ribution, sartin, tue biggest kind
owe q preachers rit-ribution. Du you mind
my drivin owe dad thro that hornets nest, an
then racin owe him inter the kreek ?"
eyes"
Well, this is what Gums owe it. I'll drown
myself sum Of these days, see ef don't, ef l
don't die from that orlul shut. Take horn,
and don't you ever try sticky shut as long as
you live"
A DUEL OF PRorlr.-An Englishman fought
duel with an American. The conditions were
that but one shot should be exchanged and that
the precedence should go by lot. The English
man got the first chance, but failed to hit his
adversary. AS the Yankee lifted his weapon
the other called out:
"Hold will buy your shot !"
All were astonished at so strange PROPOSE
tion, but the opponent answered.:
"What will you give?"
give hundred pounds ~