Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1857-10-16
COUSIN SALLY BILLIARD.
BY HAMILTON c. JONES.

We think 1t high time that Cousin
Sally billiard. Captain Rice and Co.,
were again brought to the memory Of
the public. They deserve to be repro
duced every few years. Especially win
they keep our friends in a good humor
with themselves for at least week
after the reading.
Scens--4 court ofJ'4sties ia North Car
DINA. 4
\ beardless disciple of Themis rises |
and thus addresses the Court: i" May it |
please your worships, and you gentle
men of the jury, since it has been my /
fortune (good or bad I viii not say
to exercise myself in legal dispositions,
it has never befallen me to be obliged
/ to prosecute so direful, marked, and ma
Ecious an assault. A more wilful, VIC
lent dangerous battery, and finally a
more diabolical breach of the peace has
seldom happened in civilized country,
and I dare say it has seldom been
your duty to pass upon one so shock
| ing to benevolent feelings, as this which
took place over at Captain Rice's, in
this county. But you will hear from
the witnesses.
+ The witnesses being sworn, two or
three were examined and deposed.-
One said that he heard the noise
and did not see the fight, another that
be was very drunk and couldn't say
much about the skirmage.
/ Larger Chops.-I am sorry, gentle
men, TO have occupied your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined.
It arises, gentlemen, altogether from
misapprehen sion on my part. Had l
known, as l now do, that had wit
ness IN attendance who was well ac-
quaintsd with all the circumstances of
the case, and who was able to make
himself clearly understood by the court
, and the jury, should not so long have
! trespaSsed upon your time and patience.
Come forward, Mr.. Harris, and be
> sworn.
So forward comes the witness, a fat
shufy old man, a leetle corned, and
took his oath with an air.
Chops Harris, We wish you 10 tell
all about the riot that happened the
other day at Captain Rice's and, as a
good deal Of time has already been was
ted in circumlocution, We wish you 10 be
compendious, and at the same time as
explicit as possible.
Enthusiastically, giving the lawyer
a knowing wink, and at the same time
clearing his throat) Captain Rice he
gin q treat, and cousin Sally billiard she
come to our house and axed me if my
wife she mount go? told cousin Sal
! ly billiard that my wife was poorly, be.
ing as how she had a touch of the rhe.
umatics in the hip, and the big swamp
was up, for there had been heap o.
rain lately, but, howsomever, as it wa;
she, cousin Sally billiard then axed me
if Nose he mount go told cousin
: Sally billiard that he was the foreman o
the crap, and the crap was smartly in the
= grass but, howsomever, as It was she
x cousin Sally billiard, Nose he mout go
Chops-Inthe name of common sense
l. Mr.. Harris what do you mean by thi
al rigmarole?
10 Titnsss-Captain Rice he gin a treat
and cousin Sally billiard she came owe
to our house and a1ed me if my wifi
; she mount 60? I told cousin Sail,
billiard
Caops-Stop, sir, if you please; W
don't want to hear any thing about you
cousin Sally billiard and your wife; tel
Us about the fight Rice's.
: Fitness-Wel I will, sir, if you wi
let me.
:. Caops-Wel, sir, go on.
H5tnsss-Well, sir, Captain Rice h
gin treat, and cousin Sally billiard sh
came over TO our house and axed me
my wife she mount go
Chops-There ii is again. Witnes
please 10 stop.
Fitness--Well, sir, what do yo
" want?
y Gops-We want to know about tn
fight, and you must not proceed in thi
= impairment story. Do you know an,
to thing about the matter before the court
Fitness-To be sure I do.
Chops-Wel, you 60 On and tell i
y and nothing else.
Hitness-Well, Captain Rice he gi
a treat.
ie Chops-This is intolerable. May
e please the Court, 1 move that this wit
ness be committed for contempt;
seems to be trihing with this Court.