The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-11-14

aWeskly Qunpareil,
COUNCIL BLUFFS. Nov. IA, 1857. /
. o. We fancy We hate fattery, when NIL
We, really hate Is only the awkwardness Of
the 6atterer.
- ca Some think you have perfect right
70 pick painters pocket; because he pict-
ares.
O. kiss, says French lady, costs less
and gratifes more than anything else in ex-
istence. a
cDThe man who made an impression on
the heart Of coquette, has taken out pa
tent for stone cutting. ..s.
EYThe other day, m old lady rushed in
70 the garden in search Of her daughter, on
being told that the young lady had gone
there with "rake.;'
Speaking Of ,ailwny trains, why are
: they never struck by lightning? Is it be-
cause they are generally provided with such
excellent conductors! sga.5.z
CT An inveterate punstcr asks if the new
= instrument of torture used By the King of
Naples, and called the silent cap-being
made OF iron or steel-is not hardwear.
..s. % "A schoolboy being asked by his teach
er how he should fog him, replied: 1'a
''lf yon please, sir, would like to haze
il on the Italian systematic heavy strokes
VI, and the down ones light" ia
r." fyA gentleman who was relating m ac-
cident he had met with in Cambridge from q
fall, was asked by surgeon if it was near
the vertebrs that he was hurt. "No, sir"
was the reply, SIT was near the observato-
ory." s5*a '3@'s'sts1aoi So 2sa
ET-A man bcasting of having killed a
young panther, whose tail was four feet long.
A bv-stander remarked that the animal was
killed seasonably, as the tail was long enough
not to DC continued. Eg
VThe proprietor of a forge, not 70
Enarkable for correctness Of language, but
who, BY honest industry, had realized COM
Portable Independence, being called upon at
a social meeting for toast, gave: s'Success
to forgery" 80 s.-. ... :. sr.. So : :
rTA Yankee steps into western telc-
graph Office, enquiries how long it will take
to transmit message to Washington and
receive a reply, is answered "ten minutes"
when he leaves, remarking, 81 can't wait SO
long" s5 '-...- . ~. 49,
80 CO Reynolds, the dramatist, observing
the thinness Of the house at one of his pieces,
said: ssaas ~ 4at
al suppose it is owing to the war"
~ "No, !" was the reply; 'sit's owing to the
piece" ......... -. '........ 80. -. W.,
=. eTTwo Irishmen were in prison-one
for stealing COW, and the other for stealing
watch. ..sa8" .-.-7 ... a- B"
''Hallo, Mike, what o'clock is it?" said
the COW stealer to the other. -.
cam sure Pat, ! hayn't my time piece
handy, but think it's about milkin' time.''
cYTA chorister of country church lately
made sad mistake in the choice Of tune,
there being long s!ur in it, which came di-
rectly upon an unfortunate word, which pro-
duced startling effect, namely:
.- with reverence let the saints appear
s-.r And bow-wow-wow before the Lord"
CO Mr.. Choate was arguing case be-
fore a full bench Of the Supreme Court Of
Massachusetts, when he wished to compli-
ment Judge Shaw, exclaimed:
"When look upon the venerable Chief
Justice, am like the hindoo before his idol
II know that he is ugly, but feel that he
is very great"
cyWhen DR.. Franklin was in Paris, his
daughter, Mrs. Bache, wrote to him for q
supply of feathers and thread-lace. Tho
Doctor declined in the following character
istic nOte-s'lf you wear your cambria ruff
hes as do, and take care not to mend the
holes, they will come in time to be lace; and
feathers, my dear girl, may be had in Amer
lea from every turkeys tail" .ss4
cg-A duelist, who faneied himself insult
cd by a Yankee who had won the affections
Of his lady love, left the room with the omin-
Gus words:
''You shall hear from ME, STRIP
'sWell, so dol" replied the Yankee: "glad
ont; write once in a while; shall be glad
to hear from you as often rs you're a mind
to let me know how you get along"
GO Punctuation, that is, the putting the
stops in the right places, cannot be too sedu-
. lousy studied. We lately read in country
paper, the following startling account Of
Lord Palmerston's appearance in the House
Of Commons: 'Lord Palmcrston entered on
his head, white hat upon his feet, largo
but we'll polished boots upon his brow, a
dark cloud in his hand, his faithful walking
stick in his eye, mcnacing glare saying
nothing. He sat down.'--Punch. :.
% Here is lively little verse which will
do you good to read, even if you have pc
rused it before. 1t is especially commended
to the notice of young ''lovyers:'
"oh, kiss mo and Co." said the maid Of my heart,
And preferred her lips as my pay to depart;
1.-THE morn Is approaching, my mother will know,
My kindest and dearest. oh, kiss and go'
She gave me tho blessing in snch sweet way,
That the thrill Of it's pleasure entced me to stay,
SO kissed till the morning came in with its glow.
For, she said every moment, '0h kiss ME and go!''
Cyan English maiden, of whom we late
~ heard, had a novel reason for refusing to
stand in the Scripture relation to one who
sought her hand. He was in all respects ell
igible, except that he was vegetaran; when
he proposed, this plucky lass replied, ssOh,
go along with you! Do you think Pm 60
ing to be flesh of your flesh, and you live on
cabbages? Marry grass widow, man: Pm
not an animal of your sort!' and off she
bounced, leaving him struck up.
TAt the last session of the Circuit
Court, held at Mason, Ingham county, sew
eral young men were examined for admission
TO the practice OF law. One Of the examining
committee, was Mr.. o. NJ. B., prominent
locofoco politician. During the examina-
ton the following scene occurred: - "a
Mr.. B.--"Mr. r., can you give an instance
of la,c with total absence Of equity?" z1
Mr.. R.--s'Yes, SIR" s@G-sr 0.o5 %
"What j. il, sir:'' . F...5
ssThe Fttgitire Stare Lam'" w. ..v
~. Mr.. B. was satisfied Detroit Adr.
. CT Rev. De Hass, the agent of the Meth
odist Tract Society. in an address at the
Eastern Charge on Saturday evening, had