Indiana American., 1857-01-16
Patent Sermon, by Dow, Jr. Mar
riage = DUTY.

There's NOT tho least reason or rhyme,
In the wisess excuse that you can mention,
Don't tell me "about other nsh"
Your duty IL done when you buy lem;
And you win never relish the dish,
Unless you've woman 70 "fy 'em."
My HEARERs:--I have no doubt that
after you hear my discourse, you will asls
your mind whether your preacher has ia
ken unto himself wife, and is now luxu-
rating in tho tall clover Of connubial bliss,
that he preachath thus. Therefore, ] an
swer before time, No; but have got
measure for one and expect to conjugate
as soon as my somewhat divcrged rays Of
affection can be broughta little more to
a focus through the burning lens Of love.
! deem 1t the duty Of all to got married.
once in their lifetime, at least. 1t Is but
yielding obedience TO the wise commands
Of nature. Every gander has his goose,
and, the birds all mate at proper sea-
son. Whosoever heard Of an old gander
going down to the grave goslingless. un-
less he was prevented from fulfilling his
destination by the arbitrary customs Of
artificial society ? 1t Is God who tells the
brute creation to cohabit and propagate,
without the fuss and fummery of long
and tedious courtship; and they implicit
ly obey, even to the wood lousc. The
same God also tells you to marry, and do
the best you can to be fruitful; but you
don't always do 1t. You frame some pal
try excuse or other-such as II have 9TH
er fish to fry" "too busy to think of II
now," "I'll think Of it by and by" &C,
and you trudge on through the wide
world alone, from the meridian Of man.
hood to the sunset Of age, without having
effected the object for which you were
placed upon earth, and of no more use
than the fifth wheel to coach, moon in
the day. time, lock without key, or
saddle and no horse to ride. . 8
Young man il you have arrived at
the right point in life for it, let every 9TH
er consideration give way to that Of get
ting married. Don't think of doing any
thing else. Keep poking about among the
rubbish of the world till you have stirred
up gem worth possessing in the shape
of wife. Never think of delaying the
matter-for you know delays, as well as
wild boars, are dangerous; a good wife is
the most constant and faithful companion
you can possibly have by your side while
performing the journey of life-a dog
isn't touch to her. She is Of more SER
vice, too. than you may at first imagine.
She can Smooth your linen and your
cares" for you-mend your trousers and
perchance your manners-sweetcn your
moments, as we'll as your tea and coffee for
you-ruffie, perhaps, your shirt bosom,
but not your temper; and instead OF SOW
ing the seeds Of sorrow in your path, she
will sew buttons on your shirt. plant hap
piness instead Of harrow teeth in your bo-
som. Yes, and il you are too confoupded
lazy or too proud to do such work your
self, she will carry swill to hogs, chop
) wood, dig potatoes for dinner, for her hus-
band is such that she will do anything to
please him-except receive company in
her everyday clothes. When woman
loves she loves with double-distlled de.
votedness, and when she hates she hates
on high pressure principle. Her love il
as deep as the ocean, as strong as hemp
halter, immutable as the rock of ages.
She won't change II, except in strong I'll
of jealousy, and even then it fingers, as Il
10th to part, like evening twilight at the
windows of the west Get married by
any means. All the excuse you can fish
up against "doing the deed" aren't worth
spoonful Of pigeons milk. Mark thi,
If blessed with health and enjoyment
and you are not able to support a wife, de-
pend upon It you are not capable Of sup
porting yourself Therefore, so much
more need Of annexation; for in union. al
well as in an onion, there is strength
Get married, ! repeat, man! Concentrat,
your affections upon one subject. and no
distribute them by crumbs amongst hos
of Susans, Sallies, Marys, Elias, Betseys
Peggys, and Dorothys-allowing sacl
scarcely enough TO nibble at. Getmarri
ed and have somebody to cheer you NJ
as you journey through this '1owly vale
Of tears'-somebody to scour up you
. dull, melancholy moments, and keel
your whole life, and whatever linen yot
, possess, in some sort Of Sunday-go-to
meeting-order.
) Young woman need not tell you Il
look out for a husband, for ! know tina
you arc fixing contrivances to catch one
and are as naturally on the watch as
= cat Is fsr a mouse. But one word in you
car, IL you please. Don't bait your hool
i with an artificial fly Of beauty; II you do
the chances are ten to one that you viii
Z catch gudgcon-some silly fool Of fisl
!. that Us mt worth his weight In sawdust-
Array the inner lady with the beautifu
garments Of virtue, modesty, true moral
= ty. wisdom. and unscphisticated love, an,
1 and you will dispose Of yourself quicker
a and to much better advantage, thanif yo'
= displayed all tho gew-gaws. aipporing'
0 fol-de-rols, and dddle-de-dees in tho uni
o verse. Remember, 1t is an awful thing :
}, live and die self-manufactured old maid
J, My Hearen: Your days upon cart
Is are but short at the longest and they shc'
l. be passed as righteously and pleasantly q
the weather and circumstances will admi
Get married while you are young, an
, then when the frost Of ago shall fall an
N wither the flowers of youthful affection
d the leaves Of oonnubial love will still b
'r green; and perchance, joyour offsprin