Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-01-29
amusing Aea0mg.
A SAN FRANCISCO AUcTIoNEER

A SAN FRANClSCO AOS11oNcG cGN'
The reporter of the San Francisco News
furnishes that paper with the following re-
port Of a speech made by California auc'
tioneer
<; sLadies and gentlemen, | now have the
honor of putting up fne pocket handker'
chief; yard wide, yard long, and almost
. yard thick; one half cotton and t'other
half cotton, too beautifully printed with
stars and stripes on one side and the stripes
aud stars on t'other. 1t will wipe dust from
the eyes so completely as to be death to
.demasosues, and make politics as bad bu,
siness as printing papers. lis great length,
breadth, and thickness, together with its
dark color, will enableitto hide dirt and not
need washing. Going at one dollar ?-sev.
euty.Gye cenls?-ifty cents :-tWenty-ive
cents? one bit? Nobody wants t.-Oh
thank you sir!
"Next, gsatlemea-for the ladies won't
be permitted to bid on this ARTICLES real,
sialon-pure, tempered, highly polished, keen
edged Sheffield razor, bran spankin new !;
never opened before to sunlight, moonlight,
starlight, daylight or gaslight; sharp enough
to shave lawyer or cut 4 disagreeable ac-
ouaiutance or poor relation; handle of buck
{ horn with all the rivets but the two at the
ends of pure gold. Who will give two dol
lars? Why, ye long.bearaed, dirty faced
reprobates, with not room on your phizzes
fora Chinese woman to kiss, I'm Offering
You a bargain at half dollar Well, |
will throw in this strop 4; half dollar -
sazor and strop-a recent patent; two rubs
upon it will sharpen the city attorney; all
for four bits; and piece Of soap-sweeter
than roses, lathers better than school-mas-
ter, and strong enough to wash out all the
stains from California politicians conscience
all for four bits! Why, you have only 10
put the razor, strop and soap under your
pillow at night to wake up in the morning
clean shaved. Won't ybody give two bits,
then, for the lot. ! knew would sell 'em.
'Sext, ladies and gentlemen, offer three
pairs socks, hose, stockings, or half-hose,
Just as you're mind 10 call them, knit by a
machine made on purpose, out Of cotton
wool. The man that buys these will be en-
abled to walk till lie gets tired and, provi-
dei his boots are high enough needn't have
any corns; the legs are SIS long as bills a.
gainst the corporation, and as thick as the
l. L. Il, I lot,
Who wants 'em at one half dollar? Thank.
&c, madam, the money.
"Neyt, I offer You pair Of boots; made
especially for san Francisco, heels long
enough to raise man up to the Headley
grades, and nails to insure against being car
ried over by land slide; legs wide enough
to carry two reyolvers and bowie knife,
and the uppers of the very best horse leath-
~. \ man in these boots can move about
as easy as the State Capitol Who says
twenty dollars? All the taxpayers ought
10 buy pair to kick the Legislature with ;
and they will be found of assistance in kick
ing the bucket, especially if somebody should
kick at being kicked Ten dollars for legs
uppers and soles while souls, and miserable
souls at that, are bringing twenty thousand
dollars in Sacramento. Ten dollars: ten
dollars Gone at ten dollars.
Next is something that YOU ought to
have, gentlemen, lot of good gaIl"w:es-
sometimes called suSpenders. know that
some of you will after awhile be furnished
at the States expense, but you can't tell
which one, SO buy when they're cheap All
that deserves banging are not supplied with
a gallows if so, there would be nobody to
make laws, condemn criminals or hang cul-
prits, until new election. Made of pure
gum; elastic, stretcA like a judges conscience
and last as long as California Office holder
will steal; buckles of pure iron, and war
ranted to hold so tight that no mans wife
can rob him of the breeches; are, in short,
as strong, as good, as perfect, as eAectual,
and as h9"a Gd", as the ordinance against
Chinese shops on Dupont street gone; at
twenty-five cents"
Box MAXTkp.-The editor of the Ger.
mantown Ohio Republican wants an ap,