Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-05-28

Pot1tioHo VI pOIdtoeS.
What We propose, is but a more practical at
tainment Of the same end, because in the case Of
ladies in particular; who would submit to having
the longitude of their nose measured or the cir
cumference of their mouth taken by other than
the natural process of kissing Snch berg the
case, should formology become n definite science.
the world will be flooded Win professors" since
there are so many dry-lipped bachelors who can
not reach the beaeitude of a kiss in any other
way. Besides, submit that this process is so ex.
tremey sgh-enti6c that could be put to no other
purpose than the good old one, of blessing chin
that gives and her that takes" for the lady who
CHANGED to have the most palatable lips, would
inevitably, and in spite of all the claims Of SCI
ence, produce an e1travagaut kiss ian omni-6us)
-''ike link'd melody long drawn out" But on
the other hand the unfortunate Professor of form
ology, who seized on 'sour grapes"-meaning by
this figure, lips whose "sugar crop" had been
blghted by the malaria of scolding, use Of snuff
or diffusion of fscandal-would come to the un-sigh-
entifc result, that kissing some folks, is not what
it is cracked up to be.
But SCIENCE the benefcent mother of so many
blessings, claims at our hands more definite rule,
and such an me we propose to give. And first
to take the case of the gents-those who like the
writer, indulgein quiet doze (snorers exceptions
to the general rule) may be set down as decidedly
sleepy-headed, due allowance, however, being
made for the narcotic qualities Of the sermon with
which the "little round oily man Of God" dose,
his hearers. For we heretically maintain that it
is the highest disrespect to some preachers not to
doze, at least, after they take such particular
pains to dose them with an interminabls soporiHc
sermon Taking this view of the subject, it would
seem that those whose souls were Of the purest
essence, would be most likely to bend to the en-
livening as we'll as the stupefying influence Of
the harangue. The conclusion then is. that man
sleeping in church is only evidence of one of two
things-his stupidity or the stupidity of the SER
mon, and by diigent attention to the latter, it is
easy to gauge his qui-vivs.ness.
But church-sleepers, though very respectable
class los to number), are not the only persons to
which our new-fanged science is applicable
Take for instance, the pew directly in front-(so
the notes run there, beginning on the right, sits
o prim, nice, attentive gentleman, say from, his
looks, some forty years of age. His whole at
tire is neat without ostentstion. He sits as erect
as if he was contesting the question ofperpendcu.
larity with his standing collar, with high hopes
of bearing off the palm of victory. What sharac-
ter would you give that individual from his gen.
eral behavior in church, The ladies give the most
lucid description possible, when they call him
q ''nice man." They mean simply that he is at
tentive to his wife, punctual at the hour of dinner,
tidy in his dress and generally rectus in euria
without the aid of a curtain lecture. And really
he is "nice man" so far as the decencies of life
are concerned. He has bland smile for all in
business he is as punctusl as his wstch--perhaps,
the most watchful Of the two-everything is in its
proper place, and thus he pursues the "even tenor
Of his way" But with all his niceness the per-
pendicularity Of body and collar, the seeming ct
tentiveness with which he listens to the common
places as well as the glowing thoughts of the min
ster, an involuntary belief comes over US that he
understands not n word uttered, and pays his
homage, not to the God, who touched with ''live
coal from the altar" the lips Of the speaker, but
10 that idol so often worshipped under the name
'f dsesney. The same principle which makes Mrs.
- remain at home because she "has nothing
it to wear to church, induces him to 60 and pay
this seemingly diigent attention
Between him and his next neighbor there is
striking contrast. The invariable variableness
of the latter, his restlessness, the twirng of his
nat, the humping with his cane on the foor-all
mark him out as o bustling, active, business man,
Who cares nothing about the appearance he makes,
Ind who is manifestly maturing in his own mind,
'ome calculation, and longing for Monday with its
ottery of losses or gains.
The thoughtful youth by his side, with his coun-
enance "sickied Ger with the pale cast of
hought" is veritable lover. konw it BY the
urtive glances, sent out in arrowy showers to-
Yards the :'sweet sixteen in the adjacent pew,
Who prides herself in dress Ia erinoline, which
displays shoulders rounded to perfection, and
temptngly halfconcealed bosom, upon which as
lpon heaving wreath of snow, dainty rosebud
bushes above bit of blue ribbon. We notice
hat he invariably occupies that seat and only
nee do we remember to have seen him look at
he minister earnestly and appreciatingly. That
vas when he. quoted the words Of. Wisdom, Glove
8 stronger than death" But our lover soon turn.
ID his eye again to the rosebud and the bit of blue
ibbon, doubtless to see if the swelling bosom res
'onded to the heaven-born sentiment.
There is but one more in the pew,-a venerable |
atriarch, whose "lyart hafflets" bespeak the de-
ay of the fierce passions of youth, and whose
aith-lit eye seems radiant with Pisgah view of |
he Land of Promise. Wistfully does he gaze up
n the minister, as he unfolds the realities of the
World beyond the grave, and contrasts the feliei-
y, the glory and splendor Of heaven with the dark
background of He'll and its endlesswoe! There
8 something truly sublime in his strong faith, |
arnest piety and venerable appearance. Out of
he four in the pew we have been examining, he !
8, perhaps, the only earnest listener. One out of
our but our sketch is already too long. so
iessrs. Editors, we must leave the ladies to fill
uture picture. SPECTATOR
Yorkville, May, 1867. r..
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Written for the Ynrkvilla Ennnrar