Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1857-12-10

Letter from. h Di.banaed -yoiun,eer.

Letter from ihe Disbanded Volunteer.
SAINT NICKALAs UOTTEL, Dec. 3, 1857.
E1dyturs ofMe Sunday Times: II
A fashinabul lady, prayin in 4 fashinabul
church, with as mulch fashinabul tsggery ON
her back as mought at first cost, hey saved ten
poor fammalies from starvashin, must be con-
sidabul Of a Sunday treat for the O~ldaSnpint.
| persoou,, tharfor, the Internal eritter i1iied
hisself oudashusly at a sartin uptown gospil-
panis, that looks a heap more like a theayter
than a church, whar / happened in to git a inoutn- ;
fol of kid-giove reiidjin, Just by way of Il Sand@
witch, last Sunday forenoon. Aitho a purity
smart chance of the hevinly- minded congrega-
shin was absent from the holy edlfiZ, still thar
was enuff cxpensiy lace, millindery, silk, be-
~je,ctery, and other fommynine bats for bache-
lors, to afford the most lively satisfackshin to
his satanick madjesty. The cunnin old coon
hes a nifty easy time of it, seems to me, in this
blessed age of misshinnerries, track s~osities,
Bible unions, camp-meetins, and other inven-
shins for the conveyance of the hevin-ward
hound. Formally he he'd to keep movin to and
fro on the airth, lookin out for the trails Of sin
ners, and follering EN- up and skewrin EN- (when
they dident happen to skwirm outer his fngers)
BY his own purSenal exershins. To borry the
remark of a niger minister | wunst heerd preech
in Exeter Hall, London-'In dem times de deb
bill be like a roaring lion; he go bout, seekin
whom he find, and cherry now and den he ketch
sumboddy, | bound for him" This kinder
prowliu about on his own hook was continued,
as we larn from skripter, to the time of job
When he got permisshin to inockilate thu mis-
fIrtnit critter with skrofly, and dsstroysip his :
beef and sheep meat, he thort he he'd a sure
thing; but Job, bein q real good mn, in course
proved more than a match for Abaddon, and
went to glory in spite of varus ~infarnal tempta-
shinS, inciudin his affeckShinit wife's advice. In
these DAYS, howsever, Satan hes no call to go
spookin about for prey. He does all his temp
tashin by deputy. Vanity and Speckylashin-
to say nuthin of fifty luther spontanus agints-is
a-peeplin his terrortOrieS with a rush ekwil to
his warInest andiSsipaShins.
But to return from Belz sbub to the aforesaid
Fashinabul Church: The day was plesent, and
the readin of the Rev. Mr.. Barney Bland Il kali
kilate you've hcerd on HIM was surprisingly
monotOnouS and conduSiv to Slumber. Jest as
he opend the Bible to take his tex, | drapt oil.
But mine warnt an Improbable snOoze, tor
dremt Il short sarmint witch Ide be willin to bet
a bowie nife to a bishop, was rayther more to
the pint than ennything that was ever got of
BY the Rev. Barney Bland. lsposed, however,,
in my dream, as it was him as was deliverin 1t,
and as | recollect- the hull discourse ut warnt
long enuff to be tejus) lie repeat the words as
they peered to iSsoo from his lips:
THE sARMINT 1 ORIENT.
Brethren and sisters-sisters espeshilly: |
take my tex from 10th, 18th, 18th, Goth, 2lst,
22d, and Odd verses of the Sd chapter of Isaiah,
emitting a few onncssesSary Sentinces:
"'lG. Because the daughters of Zion are
naughty, and walk with stretched forth necks
and wanton eyes, walking and NINcING AS THEY
"tlS. The Lord will take away the bravery of
their tinkling ornaments, and their cauls and
their round tires, like the moon,
"19. The chains, and the bracelets, and the
mufflers,
"'20. The rings, and the nosejewels,
"2l. The ~changeable suits of apparel, and
the nantes, and the wimples, and the crisping
pins,
"i22. And the glasses, and the fine linen, and
the hoods and the walls. e
1888. And it shall come to pass that instead
Of a girdle there shall be a rent; and instead OF
well-set hair badness, and instead Of a stomach
er a girding of sackclot'
~teeterin. The "tires, round like the moon,
worn by the dashing HebrewesSes, was evident
ly hoops, which is jest about the size of ordi-
nary wheel tires. C~hangeable silks too, it would
seem, were all the go on tother side of Jordon
thirty Sentries sense, Jest as they are here at
present. The profit also is down on the bonnets
of the Jeroosalim butieS. | dessay, beloved
sisters, that they reSembled those miSabul little
} top-knot cases, that lends such a brazen appear
ance to your protrudin countinances. Tne fem
mynines of the chOsin people had also a pashin
for jewelry, and in this department of the fash
ms they went a leetle ahead of you-thar noses
being deckyrated with rings % IL mole de soine.
You hevent arriv at that pitch of refinement,
nor am | awar that you sport any ornimentS Oh
your locomotive limbs, but then you make up
for these detishinsies with other fol-de-rols.
snow, it appear from the s~kripters that the
Lord sentenced the bu!y and fashin of JersoSa-
lin to be stripped of all thar fancy riggin, to
BEGUN bald, and to wear basks of sacking.-
Why, oh! my mincing, lettering, thinble-
bonneuted, hooped, ringed, braceletted, silk.
girted, and otherwise extensively bedizzened
, sisters why, | say, should not you be denood-
ed of your jimcracks, and get the sack Instead,
: like the fair Jewcsses of 5000 years ago. Let
me advise you to ~forstall the rath to cum. Go
strait to your dwellings-lOnt swing your
skearts on the way-take off all superfiooities
of dress and Jewels; sell en-, sell al your trum-
perry, and give the mummy to the Five Points
MiSshin and the Orfan Asylum. Or eff you have
: driven your fathers or husbands to the verge of
; room by your extravaganza, give the cash to
them to take up protested notes with and save
them the mortificashin Of shining Wall street
: without emmy picayunery result. Lay all these
things to hart, and cum to church next Sunday
drcst more like Christians"
AT this pint [ awoke. The Rev. Blarney Bland
%@as winding up a buttery kinder sermon, which
sounded like u complimentary speech to the
congregashin; and not feelin hungry for emmy of
them sorter drappings from the sanctuary, 1
scezed my hat and crit. Yours, alluS,
A DLsBAxDED VOLUNTEER.