Sauk Rapids frontierman. [volume] (Sauk Rapids, M.T. [i.e. Minn.]) 1855-1860, 1857-03-26

necessary IeuglH, duus consequently !
| stuck that far through his inexpressibles,
His crop of hair was surmounted BY the
| funniest little seal skin cap imaginable. !.
/ After taking position, he indulged IN q
long stare at the man opening the III
4 valves, and slowly calculated, 'Istersp'
i Yes, SIR responded the attentive
Ioperat ,r, and fine ones they are, too. 4,
Well, I've hearn tell Of listers
afore," says he, 'sbut this is the first
time I've seed 'em, and perhaps I'll
know what thar made Of afore get opt
| Of town. = .. . s,..,,r sssy
I Having expressed this desperate in
tention, he cautiously approached q
plate, and scrutinizing the uncased shell
fish with a gravity and interest which
would have done honor to the most IL
..[lastrious .searcher into the hidden mys-
Iteries OF nature. At length he began
to soliloquize on the difficulty of getting
them out, and how queer they looked
when out.
/ .tInever seed any thin hold on So
takes an amazin' site of screwin'' hoss,
to get 'em out, and amt they slick and
.slip'ry when they does come Smooth
as an eel! I've good mind to give
that feiler Iodgin's jest to realize the
effects, as Uncle Jess used to say about
speculation aa ,s.s9
Well, SIR was the reply, down
with tso bits, and you can have a doz-
en-" E. aai5
1.-Two bits 7" exclaimed the Sucker,
ssrow, come, that's stickin' it on 'em
aint ncthin' to a chicken, and there 8 no
gettin' more n a p;cayune a piece for
Them. I've only realized As picayunes
on my first venture to St. Louis. Ill
tell you what, Ill gin you two chickens
for dozen, ifyou'll conclude to deal . !"
A wag, who was standing by indulg-
| ing in dozen. winked to the attendant
4 to she'll out, and the offer was accepted.
!" Now mind" repeated the Sucker,
sail fair-two chickens for a dozen
you're witness, mister turning at the
same time to the wag /: g none Of your
tricks, for I've hearn tell that you city
fellcrs arc mighty slip'ry coons.'
The bargain being fully understood,
our Sucker squared himself for the on
set-dcliberately put off his seal-skin,
tucked up his sleeves, and fork in hand
awaited the appearance Of No. |. II
came-he saw and quickly It was
boited A moments dreadful pause
ensued. The wag dropped his knife
and fork with a look Of jatnazement and
horrors something akin to Shakspeare's
Hamlet on seeing his daddy's ghost
while he burst into the exclamation
Swallowed alive |! as I'm Chris
tian" 5@ S..s
Our Sucker hero had opened his
mouth with pleasure a moment before,
but now it stood open. Fear-a horrid
dread Of he didn't know what--al con-
sciousness that all wasn't right, and ig-
norance Of the extent Of the wrong -
the uncertainty Of that moment was ter
rible. Urged to desperation, he falter-
ed out gg 8T
/ "What on airth's the row 20
sDid you swallow it alive ?' enquir-
ed the wag
81 swallowed it jest as he gin it to
me - shouted the Sucker.
You're a dead man ~ exclaimed
his anxious friend 3" the creature is
oliue, and will eat right through you, =
added he, in a most hopeless tone.
| ssGet pizen pump and pump It out!''
|screamed the Sucker, in a frenzy, his
|eyes fairly starting from their sockets.
"Oh, gracious what'll / do .--It' $
I got hold Of my innords already, and I'm
dead as chicken do somethin' for
me, do--dont't LET the internal sca-toad
eat mo afore your eyes.
"Why didn't you put some Of this on
lit :" enquired the wag, pointing to a
bottle of strong pepper-sauce.
/ The hint was enough---the Sucker,
upon the instant, seized the bottle, and,
desperately wrenching out the cork,
swallowed half the contents at a draught
l He fairly squealed from its effects, and
|gasped and blowed, and pitched, and
twisted, as if it were coursing through
him with electric effect, while at the
same time his eyes ran stream Of tears.
At length, becoming little composed,
his waggish adviser approached, almost
bursting with suppressed laughter, and
enquired--
4 s. How are you now, old fellow r..
did you kill it /"
Well, did, hoss--uga-ugh-oao-o
my inards. If that ister critters dyin'
agonies didn't STIR a ruction il me equal
Ito small earthquake, then faint no
use sayin' tit squirmed like sarpent
when that kilhn' stuff touched il; bui''
and here, with a countenance made
up Of suppressed agony and present de-
Termination. he. paused as if to give
force to his words, and slowly and de-
sIl;berately remarked --'t If you get two