The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1857-10-31
From the Home Journal.
Why Are there so Many Unhappy
Marriages?
RY GENIO c. SCOTT.


out of the state of the discipline and cconom,
of our social system. Why arc there so man!
unhappy marriages? Why arc there in th'
morn of life so many blooming, blushing
radiant brides, in the pure glory of virginia
robes, and ere the noon has arrived, so man,
haggard, discontented wives with lips wreath
ed with bitter reproaches instead of winning
smiles, and whose whole demeanor evince.
chronic dissatisfaction with the conjuga
union? And, on the other hand. how is i,
that proud, joyous bridegrooms, with rudd,
hope at their hearts warming their whole
being, become so soon .mctdmOrphosed into
cold. Indifferent husbands in high life loung-
ing at clubs and lower in the scale preferring
the tavern parlor or tap-room to the society
of their wives and children at home? These
are questions of grave import, and surely it is
no idle exercise of the pen to inquire why
they should be put.
! It has long been the fashion to attribute
matrimonial miserics to unequal marriages
to engagements of wealth and influence rather
than of affection; and when these reasons
cannot be advanced, to rush for explanations
to the tritc aphOrisms about "marrying in
haste and repenting at leisure" and "when
poverty comes in at the door love flies out at
the window" Now, these common-placisms
may be applicable to particular instances
but when We know that in the majority Of
cases the inclinations of the parties themselves
arc expressly consulted. in fact, that they are
practically left free to choose for themselves
and that every reasonable opportunity is al
lowed them to cultivate each others acquain-
tancc. and, moreover. when We are assured
that marriages of convenience and headlong
passion form the exceptions, we are compelled
to look in other directions for the causes OF
those infclicitics which darkcn homes that
once gave every promise Of happiness. And
if we glance around us. what do we find
Why, that long court>hip> are more common
than short ones. and as far as time is concern
cd. every chance afforded for arriving at a
proper estimate of each others character.
But is this probation thus judiciously en-
ploycd? 1t is to he regretted that quite the
contrary is the fact Accident, or the ties OF
relationship or friendship. bring two young
people together. and they become animated
by mutual sentiment of regard. which some
concurrinS circumstances ripcm into ton,lness.
They are then in "lovc with each other" and
with the usual appreciation of parents and
friends. are considered engaged. Now is the
time for them to commence that study of each
others tastes and disposition so essential to
their future welfare. But how do they con-
duct themselves? Why generally instead
peculiar tcmpcramcntS ard tendencies will
so far harmonizc as t. give reasonable hopes
that their union will be au>piciouS. they de-
vote themselves to yapid amuScmentS. to
parties. balls. concerts. and moonlight walks
Their conversation is rs unintcrcstnS rs it
can possibly be; and were it not for stolen
kisses. surrrpttous pressure Of hands. and
tender glanccS. court ship wonld be very
heavy affair. And vet this pair il they disa-
agree when welded. complain that they had
made mistake. quite forgetting that ample
opportunity had been allowed them before
marriage to find out that they were naturally
uncongcnial We would not deprive court
ship of one of its blossoms: it is the delicious
spring time of pure, hcalthful youth; but we
would have some common sense lntcrmiXcd
with its poctrv-somc wise forcthought min
gled with its fairy revels and enchanting
drcams-so that it mi ght be more of a school
in which the future husband and wife should
be trained. and less of a garden SO filled with
beautiful flowers that as the eve becomes ac-
customcd to them Il feeling of safety lcadens
the sense of appreciation.
Firmly believing then. that the misuse of
the period Of courtship is one of the causes
why there are SO many unhappy marriages.
We need scarcely say that if Young man
and woman keep company" merely for the
sake of settling down and having home,
they bctray sad inscnsbility to the higher
obligations of marriage. lndccd. they ignore
the spiritual element altogether. and build up
the house of wcdlock just as if one were a
hricklavcr and the other decorator. Out
Of the bulk of such marriages it cannot
nationally be expected but that many should
turn out unfortunate; and it is manitcstlv
absurd in those who never took any pains to
be prepared for the cares and trials of mar
riagc to be pcrpctually harping on the bald
platitudc that -wcdlock is lottery with more
blanks than prizes Of course, if people
enter into contracts without taking sufficient
precautions. they must expect to meet with
losses and disappointments. Marriage is no
better than lottery if a young couple are
conducted to it solely by impulse or the
sordid motive of achieving an imaginary in
dependence, as if any solidindcpcndcncc could
be had without the accompanying responsible
tiles and the ability to meet them. We, there
fore, repeat the assertion, that to the neglect
and misappropriation of the time of courtship
may fairly be attibuted vast multitude of
unhappy marriages that afflict society.
We will not refer at length to the subject
of early marriages; the best and wisest have
approved of them; but to our apprehension
it is extremely inexpedient for mere boys
and girls to marry. Their tastes and habits
have not been formed, and the great changes
that occur in the characters of young men
and women from eighteen to twenty-five are
so surprising, so radical and complete, that it
must only be by a miracle that couple,
when fully awake to perception of their
position, find that they have been suitably
mated. The reverse is the rule, as those who
survive that ignis fatuus, first love, and be-
hold so many examples of its deplorable end,
thankfully acknowledge. The happiest mar
riages, as influenced by age, are those which
occur between young men of twenty-five
or six and young women of twenty or twenty
one. The husband has some worldly expert
ence to add to the matrimonial stock, and
with the tact and sagacity of the wife, out of
whose nature most of the bright illusions of
girlhood have been swept. there is in their
favor the strong probability that they will
not, by any deliberate or rash act, compromise
the dignity and safety of their married life.
We have said, that study of each others
tastes and disposition, during courtship, is
necessary; if so, land who can doubt it p
how essential it becomes after marriage, when