Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1857-01-23

AnoAo ScCu5 W o6 u SE6ht eAClLemEnL
abroad in the land about the merits of
lager beer as a beverage. Our friend of
Porter's Spirit Of the Times publishes a
song, music and words, in its honor, and
that funny fellow, " Doesticks," has been
publishing to the world his own expert
ence of its the beer's) practical use. We
wonder whether this remarkable fluid is
or is not intoxicating Hear "Doesticks''
On that pint:
Scene.-A Lager Beer shop.
Present.-Doesticks and his friend
Damphool. and German maid, awaiting
orders
Damphool gave her feeble wink, and
said " zwei." whereupon she brought US,
With her own hands, TWO mugs Of the be-
verage known as "Lager," and stood
waiting with her own hands on her hips
thought she wanted TO enter into con
vsrsation. SO by way of making myself
agreeable. winked, as Damphool did.
aud also said zwei''-I thought 'zwei'
Was a term OF eudearmen.. She deserted
rs for an instant. and came back with tw o
mugs of Beer. | imagined that of course
"zwei" meant darling" and that she
had misunderstood me-attempting to
explain in the following manner "Zwei.
Ewei," said |, mot mOre beer but zwei, ;"
after which lucid explanation she vanish
ed again and brought two more mugs, at
which Damphool stopped laughing long
enough TO tell me that she would keep
bringing pint doses of lager as long as 1
continued to remark "zwei," which he
informed me meant "two glasses of lager
Aad.be in q hurry about it," he also said
ihe reason she didn't go away when she
had served US was because she wanted
her change; paid her the money, thanked
my friend for his gra,uitous lesson in Ger
msa, and began to drink. The first glass
seemed like sour strong beer, with good
deal Of water in in it. next was not quite
30 sour, and the succeeding one tasted as
il the original beer had been stronger,
and they had not diluted it much. Then
We rested, and, as had drank three
Pints already, I was willing to stop. but
Damphool assured me, " Lager was not
Intoxicating" so, after a little settling
down. 1 thought could hold another
glass, and ordered it; it was brought by
a young lady who seemed to me to have
four eyes and two noses, pointing in diff
ferent directions, which unusual effect
was undoubtedly caused by smoke
Then 1 thought I'd have glass of lager,
q liquid known to most Of the inhabitants
of Manhattan. It was brought by a girl
90 pretty that l Immediately ordered two
more, and kept her waiting for the change
each time so that could look at her
then we had some cheese full of holes
then we had some lager to fill up the
holes-then we took sausage; Damphool
suggested that the sausage was made Of
dog. SO We had some lager to drown the
dog-then we had some sardines Dam
phool said it was pity to keep the fishes
without supply of the liquid element,
SO We had some lager for the fishes to
swim in-then we had some bretzels :;
Damphool said the bretzels were so crook
cd that they would not pack close, then
We had some lager to fill up the chinks
then made short speech to the com.
pany; short, but very much to the point,
and received with applause-it was adj
dressed to the whole crowd and was to
this effect: +" Gentlemen, let's have some
Lager"
By this time my friend had by some
mysterious process become mysteriously
multiplied, and they all accepted the in
Vitation. and We had the leeer-there
were torty glasses, and in trying to make
the circuit OF the room touching my glass
to every one of theirs, 1 fell over a table
which very impertinently stepped before
me-and' as went down I knocked a
small Dutchman into the corner, then [
fell over him, then partially recovered
myself and sat on his head, then l got
up and stepped on his stomach, then
demanded an instant apology-then 1
called for six glasses Of lager, and when
the girl brought them all in one hand 1
tried to take them all in one hand, but l
broke three-then I tried to drink out of
the remaining three all at once, and in SO
doing took an involuntary shower bath
-then1 tried to pay for the whole 6fty
glasses, and the damage, with dime and
a Spanish quarter, demanded that he
should give me my change in gold dol
tars-there seemed to be some little dif>
hcultY about this, and if hadn't known
that Lager isn't intoxicating, I should
have thought the man was drunk-I was
on the point of calling in a policeman to
arrest hiua for swindling, when DamohooI
came and explained the matter. and his
thick head at last comprehended that II
was right.
Little tamborine girl came along and
wanted money for man who was per-
forming with great deal of skill on al
crank outside-felt generous and tried to
put Damphool into the tamborine, under
the impression that he was sbolf a. doII.,