The weekly Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1854-1861, 1857-06-18
WHOLE NUMBER 62S
4'he sick bachelor.

Here ! am, doomed man--booked for a
lever in this gloomy room, up four flights Of
stairs; nothing to look At but one table, two
chairs and cobweb; pulse racing like a To-
comotivej head throbbing as If ii were hoop.
ed with iron; mouth parched as Ishmael's ia
the desert; not bell-rope within reach; sun
pouring in through those uhcurtainsd VIM
dOws, hot enough to singe of my eye. lsshes;
all my confidential letters lying loose on the
table, and ! couldn't get up to them. II you.
held one Of Colts revolversito my head.
All my masculine friends u are psrsding
Broadway, | suppose, peeping under the
pretty girls bonnets or drinking "sheuy.
cobblers." A sherry cobblerl Bachusi what
luxury. | believe Satan suggested the
thought to me. .-sl
Heigho suppose the doctor, whom they
have ssnt for, will come before lcng; some
great pOmpous Escnlapus with an owl phiz,
a gold. d.headsd cane, an oracular voice, and
oallous heart and hands; who will first mans
ipuate my wrists, and then take the latitude
and longitude of my tongue, then be will
give me punch in the ribs, and torment me
with mere questions than there are in the As
sembly COtecism; then he'll bother me for
writing materials to scratch hiercglihpic j
humbug prescription, ordering FIVE times as
much medicine as need; then shall have
to pay for it; then ten chances to one the
Opothccary's boy will put up poison BY mis-
take ! Caesar, how my head spins round.l
Hist there's the doctor. No it is that
little unregenerate cub, my landlady's pet
boy with bran new drum. Gas I'm alive,)
upon which he is beating crucifying tattoo.
II only had a boot jack to throw at him.
Notthat wouldn't do; his mother wouldn't
make my Cruel. I'll bribe him for six.
pence to keep the peace, The little EN-.
bryo Jew! he says he wouldn't do it under
quarter! Twitted by a little pinafore /,
Tom Halliday, six feet in my stockings!
"Doctor is coming!" Well let him come,
I'm as savage as if had just dned off cold
missionary. I'll pretend TO be asleep and let
old Pillbpx experiment. !.
How gently he treads; how soft his hand
is; and how cool and delinious his touch;
how tenderly he parts my hair over my throb-
bing temples! His magnetic touch thrills
every drop Of blood in my veins, it's marvel
Gus how soothing it is. l feel as happy as
hummlng bird In lily cup, drowsy with
honey dew. Now he's moved away. hear
him writing'a prescription. I'll just take q.
peep and see what he looks like. Caesar
AgripPa! if it isn't Female Physician! dain-
ty as a Peri-Gnd my beard three days old!---,
What a bust (wonder how my hair looks!)s
What foot and ankle! what shoulders; what
a little round waist! Fever! I've got TWEEN.
ty fevers, and the heart complaint besides,
What the mischief sent that little witch
here! She will either kill or cure me quick.
Wonder If che has any more masculine
patients? Wonder if they are handsomel--
Wonder if she lays that little hand on their
foreheads as she did on mine! Now she's
done writing, I'll shut my eyes and groan,
then, may be she'll pet me some more; bless
her little soul! - "A \,
She says "poor"as she holds my wrist,
"his pulse is too quick" In the name Of
Cupid what does she expect! She says as
she pats my forehead with her little plump
fingers, "Sh-sh! Keep COOL" Lava and
birthstone! does she take me for an iceberg! !!
Oh, Cupid! of all your ,divices, 4his femi-
nine doc toring for.a bachelor, is the ne plus
ultra of Nitchcraft. If don't have pro.
longed run offever, my name isn't Tom Hal
liday! n3l s@,8
She's gone-!-and I'm gone too! ,Li