Litchfield enquirer., 1857-10-08
Doesticks Hears a Popular Preacher.

! Things have changed Before my hair turn- ed grey with age and piety, clergymen used to take their texts from the Bible, and preach peace and goodwill to men, women, and little girls. Our old Ministers, whose Sunday ser mon cfastised my Saturdays apple-steangs didn't take d gunpowder text, a"d under Ar omatic Sc'napps in>prat.ou, pre"c! how:tzcr and six-pould sermon, having submarine bat tery peroratiop, with d large invoice of rcvol- vers and bowie knives thrcwn in by Way O.. rhetorical grace. He used to think his duty to keep his people from war aud strife, t, t,achig g beligerent humans not to pull off their coats for free fight every time any body trod or their corns.
 recently attended the performance of the Rev. Blood and Thunder Screeeher, who is renowned for his prolonged Shrifks for freedom di@union, free Kansas, runaway darkieS, Sharp's rifles, bowie knives, bull dogs, and big muSs generally. He breaches clcctioaeering sermo, and it is said that he carrcs his pockets full of ballots, and makes the people vote every Su.r.ay to see that they were all " sound ol the goose" It is also asserted that he spends lis leisure hours firing at the iron man in the shooting gallery, and in throwing tomahawk 1t a mark occasionally Varying these delightful occupations by taking boAit. lessons, learning how to souge Missouri t;'kg long drinks oi Aromatic Schnarps between times.
 Went to church, h,--arranged like a theatre, with the best place for those who pay the most money--inetead of a pulpit. there was a stage for the ministers to perform o:,-leople came in droves-stats We're soon uli--thtn d huge pyramid of stools in one rorner was attacked by six energetic and d>.tcrmt| S,XtniS, who speedily tore it to pieces ana srlti"reh t!t tr g. meuts through the aisle for folks to sit on
 OrganiSt executed a gland kan>as battle pltcc in five Sharl~ with vocal isnitu, ou of the >hri' ks of the settlers, and the curses of the border ruffans. Then the minister came Up through d trap door, like the hari,'ouin in the lantomime when the devil has got all iivitAtion for lim-he prayed long prayer ill hi> over coat aud read hymn, d very quick metre, with a very strong choruS--:hrn he sat down itl hls ovcrcoat and read hi> letters
 TE" orgnni>t here made preparations to gy- ratc--hc rolled up his coat sleeves so as not to interfere with his Gngrr>--ticn ne rolled up his pantaloonS, so as EOt to trouble his tocs then he unbuttoued his coat aud louSrned his vest at this mom''t a very muscular man disappeared from the ranks in the gallery van iShed through a cu:'by hole, and was n t,n.Iy lost ln the aha tony oI the organ-t'ch there was great rattng Ill the bowels thereof as If 1t couldn't digest the muscular man, but had great deal Of wind o.l its stomach.
 This was the preparation.
 The Orga,li>t commenced violent struggle with the kry-l rd as if lie regard; d the u,f,r tunate organ ti>t cuff enemy, whom it would r,, his Str,.huth u,t .iayt.r tv tf, overcome-->o he went il--he hammrrd h:m on the white keys, he pelted him on the black ones, he puncll,d him in the sclnitn e., h, k;ck- cd hun ill in the double bass, he pat i" series of running k.cks in lis rhrorlatic scale, he relt rd hm i" tut fits, he hatt'r', h ill in the. sharpS, he smJtc him in te Ign k>yS. he bit him in thc low note> ti3i he gr&bb d Eoth hands in his oct yes, and shook him t he Squealed then he tcrociouly jerked out the stops on one side, as if he was pulling half his te' tt out of his l.cad--then he savayey jam III | VI those on the eth r side as If he were k',p,k nr the rest of the grinders down his tnrnat. After three quarters of an hour the lett haud winch had been doing mantui service mthe tower suburbs b gan to ta.I, and sent for " rcintorcemnnt, w'ercupoa the right hand alter hitting the upper chord ot G sharp, a tu- r'on> 'l,@ 'o kep it qlet in the interval, scanl- perc'i to the rescue, only stopping by the Way to bcStoT upon the middle C., couple of punches ''y way ofa emindcr--then tine player with bOtn hands, both feet, and his knees, went at the poor instrument aud belaborcd him so unmerciuy in the lower pipes that he lost his wind and cried enough" ill roar ot ago. ny.
 This was the prelude.
 Then the singing commenced the opera folks stood up and earned their money : they Sang as if the music scale had been yreaSed OH this occasion, and they wtr, climbing fo: ply on the top of it; th,y y would go up note and then slip back--cach one went one notch ln"l- CT than the one before h;n, but ttl back be'orr he reached the prize, aud hs voice Su'> ''i' l.. to di>cohtcnted yrowi tow down in Lls E,,". At Last, after five tri:i e.:cIi one of ",.ut, end"d ID an attenuated squeak, one itinale, with m"u'h ike t hAtchway oosrned he; bonnet strings, male d Spcrate scream, an.l went so high that Sl:r lin.lly got :. fran hold oi the oleagi 'ous reward 0" lner,t and hort it e. in triumph then they al! stopped
 Ihis Was the singing
 Then the muscular man came out of th bowels of the organ with the pcr>praton dri; ping from his coat tails as he hadn't ano ir.r suit handy, he sat down in the crauyht to dr,.
 Th.s Was the finale
 Here the minister rad :, rumhor of gra, advertisements for concerts and twrIty-ii, cent l';c-nlrS ; theu there was' another sin-i. hand d.d co: t t between the orgaalSt ani it old nem and sem more greasrd ,ig yor;.i zaIt' by the thousand d. liar cho r. after whic: the Stal p eacn r b gan to perform earnest he read text and stuck to bis su jet for teen mi utes, wing his hearers fits" abo' their shortcomings when the plate is passed thea he gave glowing descriptioa of the jo. Of Paradise, and by his eloquent words h. got us so far into the spirit land tlat we cen almost hear the departed spirits blow fin noses, when sudde fly he cut short his h;g flown piety aud bsgan to talk politics and geu-