The Union and eastern journal. [volume] (Biddeford [Me.]) 1854-1858, 1857-08-07
Misfrllanruns.
My Cruelty to my Relatives,

had IN aunt coming TO visit me fol
the first time since nv marriage, and
| don't know what evil genius prompted
the wickcdress Il acknowledge with tears
in nv ewes that it was such) which lpen'
etrated towards my wife and my ancient
relative.
ANY dear" said to my wife on the
day before nv aunt's arrival, "you know
Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow; we'll,
forgot TO mention rather annoying
circumstance with regard to her. She's
very deaf; and although she can hear my
voice, to which she is accustomed, in its
ordinary tones, vet YOU will be obliged TO
speak extremely loud in order to be heard.
7 IL will be rather inconvcnicnt, but | know
YOU will do everything in your power to
make her stay agreeable
Mrs. 5. announced her determination
TO make herself heard il possible.
/ then went to John Thomas, who
loves Joke about as well as any person |
know OF. told him to be ut my house at
g p. NJ, on the following evening, and
felt comparatively happy.
went TO the railroad station with a
carriage the next evening, and when |
was on nv way home with my aunt, j
said, NV dear aunt, there is one rather
annoying inhmity that Amelia has,
which forgot to mention before. Shes
very deaf; and although she can hear
NV voice. to which she is accustomed, in
its ordinary tones, vet YOU will be obliged
TO speak extremely loud in order 10 be
heard. I'm sorry for it."
Aunt Mary, in the goodness OF her
heart. protested that she rather liked
speaking loud, and to do so would afford
her great pleasure.
The carriage drove UPON the steps
was wift-at the window was John Thom-
a., with a face as utterly solemn as ii he
had buried all his relatives that after
noon.
handed ont my aunt-shc assembled
the steps.
Il am delighted TO see YOU" shricked
nv wife, and the policeman on the oppo-
site side of the street started, and my
aunt nearly fell down the steps.
kiss me, my dear" howled my aunt;
and the hall lamp clattercd, and the win
dows shook as with the fever and aguc.
| looked at the window-John had dis
appeared. Human nature could stand IL
no longer. Ipokcd my head into the
carriage, and went into strong convul.
sions.
When entered the parlor, my wife
was helping aunt Mary TO take oil her
bonnet and cape; and there sat John
with his face of woe.
Suddenly, did YOU have a pleasant
Journey went oil my wife like pis-
tol, aud John Thomas jumped TO his
feet.
Rather dusty" was the response, in n
warwhoop, and so the conversation con-
tinucd.
The neighbors for streets around must
have heard il: when was in the third
story of the building, heard every word
plainly.
In the course of the evening, my aunt
took occasion To say 10 me, "How loud
your wife speaks! Don't it hurt her."
| told her all deaf persons talked loud
lv, and that my wife, being used to 1t,
was not affected by the exertion, and that
Aunt Mary was getting along very nice
" with her.
Presently my wife said, softly, "Alf,
how very loud your aunt talks"
"Yes," said |, 'all deaf persons do
You're getting along with her finely; she
hears every word YOU say" And l rath-
er think she did.
I Elated by their success at being un.
derstooi. they went at it hammer and
,ongs. till everything on the mantel.piecc
elattcrcd again, am l was seriously
afraid of crowd collecting in front OF
the house.
But the end was near. Ny aunt, be-
ing of an investigating turn OF mind, was
dCsirous Of finding out whether the exer-
ton of talking 80 loud was not injurious
to NV wife. SO said she, in an unearth-
" hoot, for her voice was not as musical
As it was when she was young. doesn't
talking 80 loud strain your lungs!"
lit Is an excrtion," shricked my wife.
"Then why do You do it," was the
answering scream. :.
"Bccause-becausc--you can't hear II
don't, sIucaled my wife.
"what." said my aunt, fairly rivaling
a railroad whistle this time.
began to think it time to evaeuate
the premises; and looking round and
seeing John gone, stepped into the back
parlor. and there he lay flat on his back
with his feet at a right angle 10 his body
rolling from side to side, with his fst'
poked into his ribs, and a most agonized
expression of countenance, but not utter
inc a sound. Immediately and invol
UNFAIRLY assumed n similar attitude, and
think that. from the relative position o
our boots and heads, and our attempts &c
, restrain our laughter, apoplexy must have
, inevitably ensued, if a horrible groan
r which John gave vent TO in his endeavo
d to repress his visibility, had not betrayc'
!. our hidin place.
I, In rushed nv wife and my aunt, VIII
by this time comprehended the joke, AM