The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1857-07-10
Charfey's Misfortunes. Or, How His
Hat Troubled Him.
by HAZEL GREEN, ESQ.

Hat Troubled Him.
by HAZEL GREEN, ESQ.
"When was a young lad, ust beginning
to think about the girls" said Charley, 81
was monstrous pious, and went to meeting
every Sunday but have since como to
the conclusion that it was not as much for
the concern felt for the "good of my SOUL"
as it was for the sake of gazing about the
room, and thinking to myself which, girl
was the prettiest, and which Que l would
rather marry.
"Well, oneday singled out girl who
r'thought eclipsed all creation for beauty :;
ii, fact, was soon head-ovcr-heels in love
with her. But few minutes sufficed for
me to form resolution to sec her home,
pop the question, and, if possible, to strike
bargain Immediately was all in trcm-
Die. The sermon seemed week long, and
very uninteresting. Many, no doubt, were
praying for their neighbors, and their
eighbors' children, but with me it was
quite different-1 was praying for the meet
ing to break.
AT length the meeting did break, and
broke with it-for my hat but to my SUR
prise and notification, could not find it
until after the object Of my affections had
gotten so far the start of me, that it would
have required quite an effort to have over
taken her. Besides, there was another
consderation--my hat had been under
foot, and was so badly soiled, that was
rather ashamed to be seen with it on.
Taking all these things into consideration.
Fresolved to wait for the next opportuni-
ty.
From that time was changed chan
could think Of nothing but the girl had.
seen at meeting, except it was that of per-
suading the governor to buy me a new
suit Of Sunday clothes. The old lady sided
with mo in this last particular, and between
Ms both, we succeeded in carrying our
points. was rugged out in style-cloth
coat, satin vest, cashmere pants, and to
crown all, beaver that cost five dollars.
"This will fix things" thought I; "could
but see her now, l might set her down
as mine."
In few evenings, there was prayer-mcet-
ing at "Union Westinghouse andI, with
my new fixings, wended my way tllither
not, however, until my mother had given
me much good advice concerning the
management of my new rigging-more
particularly the head, AS had but short
time before, got my old one crushed up at
meeting.
Ihad not been in the meeting house
long, before her whom most anxiously
expected, came in and from thence until
the services were concluded, was in sea
oftrouble, lest some fellow should cut me
out, or something Of the kind.
AS soon as the congregation was disnis-
sed, "yoked her." and off we started.
When we reached her home the sun was
just setting, and SO, to be mannerly, her
old dad asked me to "stay all night" l
had no objections, and after supper was
over, ltold Betty (for that was the girls
rame,) that I'd like to chat with her lit
tie more. She had no objections, but-said
we must go to the kitchen, as the old
folks didn't like to be disturbed by light
in the "big.room," when they were to bed.
To all this Iconsented of course, and so we
were soon on the very best of terms. l
should have been extremely happy, but for
one cause.-the stamp of plenty, in the
form of grease, was abundantly impressed
upon everything in the room, excepting the
Chairs upon which we sat, and conseouent-
ly was much troubled about my new hat.
What should do with it Ibid not
want to have grease upon it-no, that
would never do! Finally, I resolved to
keep it on my head, Judging that to be the
safest place. Being thus relieved of my
greatest embarrassment, went about the
work Of courting in real earnest.
After map5y.zfne things had been said,
and marriage contract had been partially
entered into, proposed kiss. You
may be sure she refused, but I insisted-a
scufie ensued, which lasted until she was
completely exhausted. Being unable to
hold out longer, she turned up her pretty
lips and said: "Ifyou must kiss me
here, But don't you ever undertake such a
thing again-you brute"
stopped over to perform the operation,
wAeD, all of a sudden, felt an unusual
ightness about my head. Before I had
time to think whether was going to faint
or not, heard kind of splashing about
my feet and casting my eyes downward,
saw--great Heavens what did see
There layed my fvedollar beaver, COM
pletely immersed in filthy compound of
dish water, cucumber peals, "tater'' skins
and the Lord knows what besides, that had,
Oeen accumulated in tub, under the fas-
cinating cognomen of "swilI."
This was predicament for you-what
should do ? If Betty had observed it the
matter would not have been 80 bad: but
she had not; could tell her? No
Heaven forbid At first thought of
lifting it out, but imagining the spectacle
It would present, my courage failed me.
"Bnt then, ,"reasoned I, 'she will be sure to
zee it ere long, and then how she will blush.
Already she is lookipgat me, as if she is
wondering why don't kiss ber-perhaps I
had better not stay any longer :" and suit
ing the action to the word, I made a leap
for the door, and was of like q comet
From thence all was darkness, all was con-
fusion, until found myself at home-bare.
Misunderstanding raking fire from the
old man and woman at the same time.
This is bad enough to think oft, but it
is not the worst. There is one thing that
now rn@ in my ears, and will continue to
do 80 as long as liye-it is the last words