The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-09-12
upon SEEING A CRICKEr-MATCH.'
BY O. K. PHILANDER DOEsTIcKS 2. B.

BY O. K. PHILANDER DOEsTICKs r. B.
IHAvE heard great deal about the man
" sports of sNlerrie England, and have al
Tays had great respect for experts in the
athletic games Of the Britisher. Cricket
has been specified as game requiring the
greatest possible quickness Of eye and &C.
iiyity Of limb, and have heretofore looked
mon it as glorious sport, full Of intense,
tbouph iunocuous excitement. In my lamb
like innocence have always, until yester-
terday, supposed scricket' to be div ersion,
an amusement, pastime, o holiday recrea-
ton, and nothing but occular demonstration
could have convinced me of my great mis-
take. Two famous sElevens' were to play
match at Hoboken; crack men on both
sides; heavy bets; sporting world all prophe-
sying great things; resolved 10 60; did go;
am disappointed, and, may say, disguised.
Cricket is not a game; it is a popular fallacy
to suppose it is, but it is asolemn ceremo-
nv periodically performed with the greatest
seriousness by deluded Englishmen, who
think they are. having fun A crieketer has
no more appreciation of genuine fun than q
dead iackass has Of fancy hornpipe. Grim
are the cricketers, and dcsponding; smiieless,
detected, forlorn, and billions. The Pilgrim
Fathers, holding an outdoor evening pray
er-meeting on q side hill in four feet OF
snow, in the middle Of February, we're gay
set Of jolly dogs, compared to these rueful
cricketing Englishmen out for days pleas
ire. A New York murder trial, or Ken
tucky hanging match, would bea roaring
farce by the side of the sportive tragedy OF
these two crack 'Elevens.' The ghost OF HAN.
LEr's father, and the spectre of the murdered
BANouo talking over their primitive matters
at midnight by the light Of blue-fre w0Rlf
look gay and festive when likened to the
Hoboken cricket ground, with match in
progress. Cricket !-well hereafter when l
want synomque for all that is intolerbly
dull and stupid, shall say, Cricket. When
l want to express grand climax of spirit
less detection, shall remark, Cricket.
When desire to say Of some man against
whom have mortal spite, that he is grim
yisaged, jaundiced, melanchohc, dismal and
fat, shall simply call him cricket, and
then shall dodge. And if any man accuses
me in likc manner, shall take outa warrant
for defamation Of character, and sue him
for maliciously damaging my reputation to
huge extent. .,s.
sIwent to Hoboken with DAAPHooL, who,
although an American, is cricketer. He
told me would see great sport. Got to the
ground; bestowed myself under tree,
while DAMPHooh went to the Clubhouse to
attire himself. Presently he appeared again,
dressed in white flannel from head to foot.
he had Jockey cap on his head, and buck
skin slippers on his feet. just before the
game commenced he tied a bed-quilt on each
leg, and put on some leather gloves. Then
the people took their places; the men who
were now bowling all took the sameposition,
with their hands on their knees, and their
chins elevated at an angle of forty-Gve de-
grees. Then the umpire called out 'play.'
then the bowler, disheartened-l looking
man, took up the ball, which was as hard as
a brick, and threw it with all his might, at a
logubrious individual with two-handed
pudding-stick in his grasp, who stood in
front Of some little sticks which were stuck
in the ground like an unfinished hen-coops.
There were two melancholy bowlers, two
dropping batsmen, and two unfinished hen
cocps. When the detected man saw the ball
coming, he made a poke at it with his pud-
ding stick, but didn't hit it; then he sadly
rested from his labors, while number of
doleful men on the other side YEARLY sought
for the ball. Then the other bowler, with a
sad countenance, threw the ball at the
other gloomy batsman, who made another
dispirited poke at it with his pudding stick;
this time he hit it; then he ran towards the
other hen-coop, while the man at the end
ran to his hen-coop. Then the marker put
down one mark for his side; then they all
rested in desponding silence for five minutes,
during which time every body religiously
kept mournfully still; | expected to hear
some one lead in prayer, or begin an exhor-
tation, or commence reading the Burial Ser
vice, or some inspiring thing of that kind
but no one volunteered any amusement, and
pretty soon the downeast players resumed
the mysteries Of cricket. There was more
throwing at the hen-coops, and pretty soon
one was knocked down. Then the batsman,
who ought to have stood before it and
stopped the ball, with the bed-quilts on his
legs, was declared to be 'out.' Then he re-
tired discounted, while the rest Of his elev
en- set up dismal groan. Then DAxpHooL
went in and took the pudding stick Then
the grave man threw the ball at DAuPHooh.
DANrHooL poked it manfully; then he ran
for the other hen-coop, and the man who
presided at the other pudding -stick ran for
his hen-coop. The bed quilts ON DAxPHooL's
legs interfered with his speed, and be didn't
get along very fast; SO the man pensively
took the ball and knocked down DA1PHooL's
hen-coop; then DANPHooL was out. They
persevcrd in this jocularity until sunset, at
which time the funeral state of things came
to an end. Then the eleven whose pudding
stick men had made the most journeys be-
tween the hen-coops, was declared to be the
winner; then they united the bed-quilts
from their legs, took off their fannels and
went home. This is all there is Of the game
of cricket. 1t may be a very brisk amuse-
ment for some men, but would as soor
think of taking a pleasure-ride in hearse,
or going to dozen pedestrian funerals for
a'day's pleasure, as Of participating in the
gloomy ceremonies of cricket for the same
length of time.'
AN ORIGINAL SERMON.
The Richmond Christian Advocate con.
tains the following singular sermon fol
the times, which another paper calls ga skel-
eton in want of meat:''
Subject: Personal poverty. Text, ! an
moor In discoursiny tn von IN this suh;ect