Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1857-01-22

!
laughed as | spoke, but felt ready
to burst into tears. They shut the door
| erept across the room with my crutch
and locked it. | would have no chanc,
Of interruption. / came back and sa
down on my writing chair by the table
| and all this time not tear fell. Unit
that hour ] had never even fancied tina
loved Mark Rothesay. Now I coulC
see that feeling had been growing up
on my heart which was not perhaps ex
actly love-a feeling that he belonged
to me and no other. .s
To do him justice, he had never striv
en- to win Helen's regard. OF course
with his nature he could not remain in
sensible of her wonderful beauty, but ht
had never seemed to take much interes
in her society-his thoughts and atten
tons had all been for me. But she low
ed him, and II would not have MARI
ed him knowing this, had his heart bro
ken for love Of me- But did he love m,
"a poor unlovely cripple? With hisna
ture this was not possible. Thank God
| saw the truth plainly. My genius h,
might admire, but he did not love me-
he never could. | remember at the tim,
| wondered why this knowledge did no
bring me deeper thrill ofpain. 1t wa
not this which gave birth to the vile
throbs of agony which were racking IN,
slight frame.
believe that the thought that Hell
ems love was mine no longer, grieveC
me still more than the feeling that hat
no power to retain the chief place il
Mark Rothesay's heart. Worst of al
was the feeling, sensible as ] was, anC
must ever be, alone in the world-sot a
part, isolated from human love by my
misfortune. Helen would 90 away from
me. The love which could never be tol
me, would brighten her blue eyes anG
deepen the bushes on her cheek. AL
the rest of the world might find kindred
hearts, and husbands and childrens
love, but I-God help mel must be
poor, crippled, lonely Agatha Raeburr
all my life Oh, in that hour, fame seem
ed how worthless. For one heart to love
me, would have given all the glory OF
the universe.
Wildly | threw my arms outward
and groaned and sobbed in my despair
And then an angel came down from
Heaven, and stirred the troubled waters
ofmy soul land brought the bright waves
of healing to my very lips. | prayed
The peace of the Infinite seemed to
overshadow me. The Merciful Father
received me into the bosom of His love.
| was no longer alone; for he was with
me. The cloud and the darkness pass
ed over.
That evening / went to the Rectory
| had a question for Allan Graham's so
luton in a new study / had undertaken
I rose to go, at length, for Mark Rothe
say had come for me and was waiting al
the door. Allan Graham looked at me
gravely and kindly. "You know I pre-
dicted good things for yourlife, Agatha,
my child" he said, in his calm, low
tones, "and they have come. Fame is
dawning for you. Already | see its star
in the East, and now this young Rothe-
say loves you. You will have happi-
ness"
Was it my fancy, or did shadow
cross his face as he spoke-a look of in
tense physical pain? | made no reply.
| went to the door, and babe him, as was
my wont, respectful good night. But
| looked back afterwards, and saw him
still standing, whore ! left him, watch
ing me moving still slowly onward, with
my crutch in myhand, leaning on Mark
Rothesay's arm, and his face wore an
expression | had never seen on it be-
fore. ...
That night, on our way home, Mark
Rothesay asked my hand in marriage
Mark Rothesay, poet and dreamer. A
moment Twas silent. 4 little of the
mornings pain came back to me-pain.
fnlly,I must yet put away the cup oflove
with my own hand. But / put the feel
ing resolutely down and answered.
No, Mark; must never be your
wife. | am not what your nature Graves.
You need appreciation, not rivalry, in
woman. You need one like Helen
You shall have her. | will give her to
you, and you shall be dear brother to
me-"
But it is not Helen ] want; it is you"
he replied with a bewildered look.
"No, Mark; it is not T 1t is Helen
Listen and you will believe me. You
are very romantic" He WINGED. Dwell
then, enthusiastic, if YOU like that term
better. You had a very pretty theory
about &ouls loving each other. Love
was to he very exalted-mind, not mat
ter. You read my writings. They
pleased you. You thought you.discov-
cred in them a kindred spirit You re
solved to make my acquaintance. You
came to Burnside with the fullest intcn-
ton Of loving and marrying me- When
you saw was lame, you were disappoin-
ted, | could see that. But your beau
tiful theory, you thought, must be true
You continued 10 visit me. Our tastes
harmonized. | had seen little of the
world, therefore | was original. You
liked to hear me talk, you became pleas
ed with my society, and now you think
YOU want to marry me.
But You have not one emotion Of pas
sionate love for me in your heart, such
love as a man 'garners up for the elect
woman who is to be his wife. Look IN
to your own heart, Mark Rothesay, and
answer me as YOU would answer to the
Godwho hears us now, in the great day
Of the last judgment. Have | not spo-
ken truly: You need, with all the long
ings of your nature, a beautiful woman.
Y GU need beauty, ! say-you must have
it in your wife. You have all poets
waywardness. You need a cheerful,
sunny woman. | am old and sad and
withered before my time. You need
peace. My life, quiet as it is, must al
ways be restless. | should not suit you.
Answer me truly, Mark Rothesay-am l
not right?n