Butte record., 1857-01-10

ton of goodness which l do not pos
sess. Yes, 1 can-I do love you, dear
Howard
'As usual I was silent. This habit
at first puzzled Ellie, but, with wo-
mans intuition, she very soon learned
to understand, and humor the peculi-
arity.
Enough of this--she did love me.
in spite of donbts, fears, misgivings on
her part, this affection began to be a
part of her very being, and Il told her
she was my idol-that I loved her
with my soul, that though inexpressi-
bly, dear to me already, she was daily
becoming dearer, that my plans for the
future were made with especial refer
enoe to her happiness
4 was richly repaid by her love, an
extrct which she sent me from little
book of eart-thoughts will show her
regard.
Il love him. The spirit arms of my
love-nature ever stretch themselves out
towards him, seeking to enfold him for
ever in their earnest embrace. My
love has become part of his very be-
ing-he feels it, knows tit is his sun
shine, his life. 1 once thought all love
must be enthusiastic mine was not.
Therefore it is not love, my heart whis-
pered, but now | know it is love, the
only love of which [ am capable. 1t
is not passionate, but enduring, earn
est, deep, absorbing, calm, unchang-
ing, eternal Yes, eternal; eternity
of duration is one of loves essential at
tributes, else it we're not love. |
know he feels that | am all his. | am
willing-glad that he should, knowing
all. this, | am happy
'What would | not give were this
love all mine now! 1t might have been
but | sighted it; my own rash haste
sent it all back to the heart which gave
me all its rich treasure OF atfectlonate
devotion, and now-O, now she has
learned to love another , has learned
that she is capable of deep, passionate
love, and it wonld have been mine |
could have stirred the deepest waters
of her soul, as could no other. Now |
have discovered my own-I found it
out the same day | crushed 4he tender
flower Of love in the most faithful heart
woman ever bore
Soon Ellie is to be married was
too snre OF her love-cid not sufiicient>
ly heed the indications of a keenly SEN
sitive and proud, though loving spirit,
until it was too late, and now | feel
my loss, o, so intensely Fife feels
that | have trifed with her--have won
her love for the conquest's sake, that
she has been duped too long too nften
borne patiently with my opinionated,
imperative words
Il see all my wrong now how | mis-
Judged her true, love-full heart, but
heaven knows | have loved her, | do
love her now. If, in simple justide to
her, had humbled myself, | might
now be happy. In education she was
almost my superior, she had beautiful
fancies, dreams and aspirations, with
which I did not freely sympathize-
says, she gave these up even, forgot
them, and tried to awaken in herfelf
an interest in that which interested me,
for my sake.
is it to be happy to love?' I love.
Is it happiness to know the one dear
est to me on earth is soon to become
another's' Is it happiness to know
she loves that one with Il passionate
devotion that might have all been felt
tor me, but for my own hasty judg-
ment'
My heart is weary, now--so lonely,
so desoIate. What is physical pain to
the intense longing there, never ceas
ing, never satisfied. In my being is
a void which my soul seeks in vain to
fila restless yearnlng for something
lost, an indcfnable shrinking from con-
templating the happy past, which yet
is ever with me. Can this seeking,
yearning, restless-longing be happi-
ness Let those who have loved an
swer.'
There are other heart-histories in
the same folio. This is the first my
eye fell upon, it was penned hastily,
with scarcely an after-glance. Thus
send it you.