Democrat and sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1853-1866, 1857-04-22

| las is uouDtiesS the case) OF people OF Kansas
are Free State men. in way to secure the
/ triumph of freedom over slavery.
|
Westward Ho!
An aguc-s.ricken hypocondriac. who has
been on a trip out west, thus answers some
! questions in q letter to the Saturday Erer.inq
Post:
The first question comes from Cam brid ge-
port Mass, and reads as follows: (which
is the best time for going West, in the Spring
or Autumn ~
| The best time for going West, is when you
have the ncst money about you, and the least
fear of losing it. Ii you come in tne Spring
| you are sure to shake yourself to death. before
fore fall If you come in the fall, you will
live until Spring, if you don't freeze to death
before you get there. IF you come at all you
had better get your stomach lined with water
proof cement. SO as to be able to digest corn
bread, bacon and whisky; for this is all we
have to eat, except few French hogs, and
bilious looking tadpoles, which we can catch
when the river runs down.
Second question: What part of the West
is the best part to emigrate to, taking into
consideration the healthiness of the climate.
A variety of opinions about that, my dear
fellow. Our Senator, Mr. Douglass, says
Nebraska is the best So it is, if you want
to go into stock business, raising an unruly
Kind OF mixed cattle that viii stray of to Can
ada, in spite of the compromise of 1850 or
1856, or Senator Douglas. Or, if YOU want
20 speculate ia pappooses, white scalps. and
get your own taken off scientifically, 90 to
Nebraska, by all means. Ii you want to play
poker for living, and set up whiskey drink
ing for business, live on coru-bread and ba-
con week days, and slippery elm bark on
Sundays, come to Illinois. If you want to 90
where they have no Sundays, or anything to
eat, only what they brought from the East
60 to Iowa, or IT you want to go to grass on
ell fours. and do as other kinds of cattle do
60 to Salt Lake
1t you want to go where they receive the
mail annually, where they live on wild cram
berries crumbled in water from the Mississip-
pi river, where three wigwams make a city
and paper of pins and bar OF Yankee soap
make merchant-go to Minnesota.
Third question Does the fever and aeue
prevail much in Wiscopsin?"
Of course 1t docs Nobody out West is
1901 enough to AK such question. Every
oooy shakess even the trees shake, you cant
coax rr..um to stay on when it is good for
anything, it will shake man out of bed,
kick him out of doors and shake the bedstead
at him till he gives up.
Fourth question How loug does pre-
emption stand good 7"
That depends upon circumstances II you
have good rifle, and know how to use it. you
have a chance to ten that you may live until
fire, and are not good shot aud quick one,
take my word for it. you had better stay in
Jerico until your beard be grown; they are
ali too smart for you in these woods.
Fifth question: Is there land to be had
in the northwest part of Ohio for 81 ,25 per
acre and is it good"
That's sii fudge, got up by soma specula-
tors to gull some greeuhorn like you or me
for the best of my knowledge aud belief. Ohio
was worn out ten years ago. The whole bu-
slness OF the railroads in warm weather, is to
carry back persons who have been fools enough
to come out West. All the railroads are do
ing this winter IS carrying dirt into Ohio out
OF Michigan to raise few beans and oats, to
keep the folks from starving next summer
AS to the land in the northwest of Ohio, it
is eighteen inches under water most of the
year, and will probably be worth 81 25 per
acre when water snakes and copper heads
bring as much per barrel in New York as
potatoes are worth per bushel in Alton.
And lastly, he wants reliable Information
short article in your paper relative to the
subtect-and he wants 10 go to healthy 10
cation. decent land aad fair water
Exactly Why, ny dear sir, there is no
such thing as reliable information out West,
unless you pay well for it. A lawyer won't
tell the truth unless you give him $500. and
then you can't believe half he says.
A witness won't tell the truth in court un-
less you first scare him to death, and then
mako him swear he won't and neither himself
nor ANYBODY else knows whether he tells the
truth or not.
On the whole, if you feel obliged by our
.'short article" SO do /. If you want to go
to healthy country stay at home, and don't
be fool like myself and come out West. And
as for decent land. my dear fellow, what do
you mean? You must know chat our Wild
prairie is very indecent, especially when it Is
burnt over and left as naked as it was born
'Tis true nature weaves sort of fg-leaf apron
every summer out of coarse kind of grass,
but it soon gets burnt off, and is indecent as
ever.
AS for fair wate., we have none, it is all
bilious compost of liquid mud, dcad buffa-
loes, fish and rotten rattlesnakes.
| Our common drink, when we can't get
whiskey, is one-tbird prairie mud. and one
third tobacco juice.
Upon the whole, If you have good water,
and get enough to eat, stay where you are.
Yours truly, w.
4