Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1857-01-24

late in papooses, white scalps, and get
your own scalp taken of scientifically, go
to Nebraska by all means. If You want
to play poker for living, and set up
whiskey drinking for a business, live on
corn bread and bacon week days, and slip
perry elm bark on Sundays, come to Hi
nois. If you want 10 go where they have
no Sundays nor anything 10 eat, only
what they brough: from the East, go 10
Iowa, or if you want to go TO grass on all
fours, and do as other kinds of cattle do,
90 to Salt Lake.
"If you want to 60 where they receive
the mail annually, where they live on
wild cranberries crumbled in water from
The Mississippi river, where three wig
vans make city, and paper OF pins
and a;bar OF Yankee soap make mer
chant, go TO Minnesota.
"Third queston--"Does the fever and
aeue prevail much in Wisconsin :"
"Or course il does. Nobody Out West
is fool enough TO ask such question.
Everybody shakes, even The trees shake
you can't coax plum 10 stay on I'LL II Is
good for anything it will shake man
out Of bed, kick him out Of doors, ana
shake the bedstead al him ill he gives ii
up.
Fourth queston-"Iow long does a
prc,emp,ion hold good ?"
That depends on circumstances. II
YOU have good rifle, and know how TO
use 1t, yon have chance 10 ten that you
may live till you starve 10 death. But If
you can't stand fire, and are not good
shot and quick one, take my word Tor
it, you had better stay in jericho unIl
your beard be grown; they are all 100
smart for you in these woods.
Fifth quesiion--"ls the land TO be had
in the northwest part of Ohio for Sl'2'
per acre, and is it good -
"That's all fudge, got up by some
SPECTATORS 10 gull some greenhorn like
you and me, for, TO the best oI my know
ledge and belief, Ohio was worn ont ten
years ago. The whole business OF the
railroads in warm weather. is 10 carry
back persons who have been fools enough
TO 90 West. All the railroads are doing
this winter is carrying dit into Ohio Out
of Michigan to raise few beans and oats
to keep The folks from starving 10 dealh
next summer.
'As TO the land in the northwest Of
Ohio, it is eighteen inches under wafer
most Of the year, and will 7robabl be
worth Sl,25 per acre. when water snakes
and copper heads bring as much per bar
rel in New York market as potatoes are
worth per bushel in Alton.
"And lastly, he wants reliable inIorma
iion--a short article in your paper reIa-
ting 10 the subjecI-aDd lie wants 10 60
to healthy location, decent land, and
fair wafer.
Exactly ! Why, my dear sir, there is
no such thing as reliable information ont
West. unless you pay well Tor II. A
lawyer won't tell the truth unless YOU
give him $500, and then you can believe
half he says.
A witness wou't tell the truth in court
unless you first scare him to death, and
make him swear he wont lie, and neither
himself nor anybody else knows whether
he tells the truth or not.
"On the whole, if YOU feel obliged by
our short article, so do |. II you want 10
go to healthy country, stay al home,and
don't be fool like myself and come out
West. And as for decent land. my dear
fellow, what DO you mean ! You must.
know that our wild prairie is very inde-
cent, especially when il is burnt over and
left as naked as ii was born. 'I'is true
nature weaves sort Of fig leaf apron eve
nv summer out of coarse kind Of grass,
but il soon gels burnt of, and is as indc-
cent as ever.
"As for fair water, we have none it is
all bilious compost of liquid mud, dead
buffaloes, fish and rotten raltIesnakes.
"Our common drink, when we can't
get whiskey, is one third coffee, one-tbird
prairie mud, and tobacco juice.
Upon the whole, if you have good
water, and can get enough TO eat, stay
where you are.
Yours truly, W."
~ ID