Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1857-10-29
PAT AND THE TELEGRAPH.

can Is this HOUSES telegraphP' asked
a Hibernian, the other day as he entered
The Office in the Trageier building. On
being informed It was, a dialogue ensued
Of which the following is near 4 verbatum
report as our reporter was able 10 obtain
Pat-ls Misther House inf
Clerk-No. l sttend to the business
here.
Pat--oeh, ye doi Wei, can't ye send
10 me brother Mick. in New York?
Clerk-Yes. Have you your message
written?
Pat--ocb, bolherl Diyil a need Of
given Mick a message in writin', at al, at
all. Just give him this Eve dollar bill,
sure, 70 help pay the fee The blackgusrds
put upon him.
Clerk But we cant send money By tel
egraph; money must 90 by mail.
Pat-Shure WhaI'ud / buy male for?
An isn't It three pecks Of iliigaut male I
have 10 the house alreadyl
Clerk-No. You dou't understand. 1
mean BY Post.
Pat-POst it isl In a letter? An ye
can't sind il by telegraph
Clerk-No. All we can send is that.
That is, we can charge the wire with cleo
tricity and make it write in New York
whatever you wish.
Pst--Aaks Il right, is itl Well, now,
bedad, that's the thing intireIy. Just
make it right with Mick, a here's the FIVE
dollars, avickl
Clerk-(slightly vexed)-We can do
nothing Of the sort! 1 mean we can tcrits
print the words you want to say to your
brother in New York.
Pst-(scratching bis head with a puz-
zled air )-if you can do that, jest be after
discoorsin' wid him soon as ye likel
Oerk--But you must write the message
you wish to send, upon this bit Of paper.
Pat-Ochl bad luck to It'll I hayn't
the knack o writin' at all, shure.
| Here the clerk arranges his paper and
prepares to write the message for Pat him.
self
Clerk-What's your brothers namel
Pat-Mick.
Clerk-And what is lis other namsl
Pat-Same as me own. Shure we're
brothersl
Clerk know that; but what is he
calledl
Pat--Whst is he callail OF Well,
in the ould country they called him,
"Shillelah Nick" bekase of the mighty
fine taste be has at swingin' that Of twig;
and many's the sconce he cracked like an
old taypot, when--
Clerk (EHasperated II don't care what
they call him in Ireland. Give me his
rame. 1t is Mick what!
Pat-0eh, botheration, no! Mick What |
S my cousin, as lives in the county of Ker-
". and been dead these five years-heav-
IN rest bis soul
Clerk-Coufound it! Can't you tell me
FOUR brothers namel He has one besides
Michel, hasn't hel
Patio yes Shure why didn't ye tell
ne that's what We wanted, before-for
aith, as sure's my name is Pat Finnegan,
e should ha' been tould the family name
f my ancestors, begora! II
CIerk-Ah! Fibnegan's the name.
Pat--No, jewel-Mct FiuDegan.-
}iYil an r. Finnegan is there in the fam '
=, savin Rory. He listed for a soger.
Clerk proceeds to writs message to A
Nick" as dictated by Pat-after which /
e counts the words in the dispatch, and
lys: @Here are eighteen words. The a
rst ten will cost you forty cents and the
hers twenty-four, making sixty four cents C
ALL"
Pat-O bother the first tin words shure
ick'l niver miss 'em. Send the rest.
Clerk--We can't do that. You must r
ly forty cents at any rate. n
Pat-Sorry bit can l do that. Shure in
may tell Mick that the reason of his 7
tin no message from me, was OWN to =,
Q occasion of the money it cost-an' ar
at'll explain the reason of his not hear al
from me at all. cc
Exit Pat, anathemising the "dhirty
re machine of telegraph" followed by
lot over friendly ejaculation from the d.
rk, P