Southern shield., 1857-06-27

Crate Comick, yure goin With greatful feelin: I aprechiate the fack, and wish yer plesent Jurny. With mi telespoke I've wotcht yure Moshuns; and Ime free tu say, like the Aspeck of yure tale mutch moar nor that uv Yure phigger he'd.
 Knot that I raly thort Yu wur goin tu smash Us oil inter Infnnytesmle fracshuns, but cos their wos sum Thin so oncertin about yer. It wur so Long sence yu wur hear befour, I dident no But wot yu mite chaingd yure habits, And pickt up bad maners in them form Parts yuye bin crush thru, sence yu put that Orful skare on Charls the Phipth, and the rest Uv man kind then existin.
 With dew attenshun I've Listend tu the diskushins ov our lurnid Men, obout yer. Sum sed yu wur hard, and Sum sed yu wur sopht. Sum sed yu wood Knot leav greas spott uv mather urth-that She wood disapeer befour yer, like 8 dropuY Turpintine in a steembote furniss Uthers sed Yu woodent maik no mOar impreshun on Hur, then a flee bite elefent's Hide. Sum sed yu wood hit us, and sum Sed yu woodent. And so they kep it up, tell They suckseedid in ralsln cOnslderabll uY an Adjitashun amung the common people, But yu Dident hit us, grate Comick And agln yure Cutin durt fur forin parts. OH Wich goes tn Sho, that astronnimers, in respeck tu comicks, Doant no so dredful much moar nor the common Feeble apther oil.
 Yes, grate Comick, yure goin And the son rises in the saim ould plais; and The Massysip still runs down; rute hogg or al Is still the chune with oil man kind. Merchents Speckylate: poliytishuns skeam; preachers toTk Pollytiks; bidders bild; detters pursekute luvyers Luv laidies ware hupes; the babies keep Kumn and the prise provishuns Is pheerfully Advancin. In short, the worlds oil rite, Ruther oil rong, as it olways has bin; wich is a Sure sine she dusent think uy shettin up shop Fur sum years tn kun.
 So, grate Comick yure Vanishin. It matters mort tn me, wether yure Hard, or sopht, or hot or cold or gass or phire, Or steem or smoak Its enuff fur me tn no Yu dident hit Us. That's sufahent. With mi Telespoak 1 talk partin skwint at yure Butiful tale, feelln that distens lends inchanmint Tu the vew. And now Ime dun with sience; Astronnimy dusent pay gastronnimy does, and Heeraphter He devoat mi tallents tu the Latter. So now Ime oph, fur q duzin TOT A Sans. Crate Comick, adyew
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 A lecturer, illustrating the horrors of solitary confinement, said that out of 100 persons sentenced to endure this punishment for life, only fifteen sur yived it.
 
 Swift held the doctrine that there were three places where man should be allowed to speak without contradic- tion, viz: ''the bench, the pulpit, and the gallows."
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 be5 Music is great substitute for muscle. March a soldier out of breath on "Roslin Castle," and the very mo- 1nent the band strikes up "Yankee Doodle, /" he is just as good as new.
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 TRUE AS GosPEL.-"Bimelech. ny son." said boss butcher to twelve year old, one day, as he was about to make his. first effort at fish peddling in the street, "Bimelech, my son, if you expect to sell any fish, y0u must blOeo your h0rn."
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 ge3~ A maiden lady, not remarka- ble for either youth, beauty, or good came for advice to Mr. Arnold as to how she could get rid of trou- blesome suitor.
 o, marry-marry him." he ad- yised.
 " Nay--I would see him hanged first"
 |" No, madam, marry him, as I said to you, and I'll assure you it will not be long before he hangs himself"
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 An Irishman was sued by a doctor For the amount of his bill for medicine md attendance, and Paddy being callr d upon to state why he refused to pay, 'eplied:
 "Why should l pay for such stuff! The medicine was of no use to me, ure and he sent me two emetics, and he devil the one of them eouldI kape n my stomach" :"
 -o0~~o0-~N~oN~O~ONoeOo He Is the best accountant who can asst up correctly the sum of his own rrors,