The Placer herald., 1857-10-03
Humorous.

/
There is an inscription on tombstone
La Pointe, Lake Superior, which reads as
follows: John Smith, accidentally shot as
make of affection by his brother"
AN EYE TO HER FuruRE-Widow Griz-
zle's husband lately died of cholera. In the
midst Of the most acute bodily pain, after
the hand of death had touched him, and
while writhing in agony, his gentle wife
said to him, "Wel, Mr.. Grizzle, you needn't
kick round so, and wear all the sheets
out, you are dying!'
Babies are the delerum tremens Of mat
rimony; if you don't want to catch it let
the causes alone.
EE The papers are Dragging ofan in
vention by which leather can be tanned
in ten minutes We have seen the human
hide, howerer, tanned in five.
g- An old woman up in Westchester
county, it is said, is collecting all the
Black Republican papers she can lay her
hands on, to make soap Of She says "they
are desput sight better than ashes-they
are most as good as clear lie"
How IT Is DoNE.-"You see, grandmama
we perforate an aperture in the apex, and
corresponding appertue in the base; and
by applying the egg to the lips and for
cibly inhaling the breath, the shell is en-
tirey discharged Of its contents"
"Bless my SOUL" cried the old lady,
"what wonderful Improvements they do
make! Now, in my young days, we just
made hole in each end and sucked"
An Irishman tells of fight in which
there was but one whole nose left in the
crowd, land that belonged to the tay-ket-
tle"
w Henry B. Hirst, of Philadelphia,
has written piece of poetry on Mr. Buch-
anan, in which he invokes him in settling
the Kansas and other difficulties to
Arm! Go forth naked to the fight!
Don't do it, old Buck Don't violate
all the laws of civilized warfare. Kill the
enemy legitimate!y if you can, but don't
scare them to death.
A STRICT CoNsTKucrIoN1sr-A drunken
man, who was arrested in New York, re-
fused to 90 with Policeman serving un-
der the new charter, on the ground that he
! got drunk under the old charter.
A young lady the other day asked Of
sailor why ship was always called a
she' Because the rigging costs more than
the hull
GE Young gentlemen who aspire in
these perspiring days to be funny, should
study the following old, but good one, and
act accordingly;
Amelia waved her fan with glee
And being in playful mood
She gave the airy toy to me-
And bade me firt it if | could
The pleasing toll quick began
Yet anxious thoughts my bosom hurt;
Ma amselle, cannot .firt fam
But if you please I'll fan Jfrt.
An 1NcoNsIsTENcY,-Every one likes mod
esty and hates brass, and yet everybody en-
courages the latter and leaves the former to
to take care of itself Modest merit what
is it worth? The mo man has of it the
poorer he is, in this age Of rivalry and hum
buggery. He would starve to death on such
fodder as that capital will procure.
QUEER JUDGES IN KANsAs,-Durng
murder trial at Leavenworth recently a ques-
ton was objected to. After hearing the ar
guments, the learned Judge gave his decision
thus: "Gentlemen, the Court decides that
the question cannot now be asked. But the
Court deems the point involved very im~
portant one, and rules that the question will
be admissible at future stage Of his gomeI'-
The Legitimate inference sense to be that the
Court" understands "keards."
Boy" sad and ill-tempered old fellow to
noisy lad, what are you hollern' for when
| am going BY" Hump" returned the boy
what are you going by for when am holer-
inY"
PHoNoTYPY IMPRovEp-A lazy fellow
named Jack Hole, living near Covington, has
adopted way of spelling his name which
throws phonotypy clear into the shade. He
makes a big 81" and then jabs his pen
through the paper for the "Hole."
"BE IT RESOLVED" &c.-A Sabbath school
which lately participated in picnic in
New York State, adopted resolutions re-
tYrning thanks to Almighty God for favor
Ag the excursion with fine day. and to
the Saxhorn Band for their splendid mu-
sic This mpgling of sacred and profane
is in consequence of the public meeting
and speechitying mania so prevalent through
out the country.
Democratic Platform Of California.
ADOPTED AT THE DEMOCRATIC STATE CONVENTION,