Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1857-06-27
Dun1orous.

|
OK SIGHT AND on DEMASD.-One of "Por.
tors staff is responsible for this anecdote
Judge -, we'll known, highly respect.
cd knickerbocker, OIL the shady side Of fifty,
a widower with five children-full of fun and
irolic. ever ready for q joke. to givo or take.
was bantered the other evening by Miss Of
i've and twenty, for not taking another wife
she urged that he was hale and hearty and
deserved matrimonial messmate. The
Judge acknowledged the fact admitted that
he was convinced by the eloquence of his fair
friend that lie had been thus far remiss, and
expressed contrition for the fault confessed
ended With Offering himself to the lady, tell.
ing her she could not certainly reject him
after pointing out his heiDous offence.
The lady replied that she would be most
happy to take the situation so uniquely ad-
vertised. and become bone Of his bone and
flesh OF his flesh; but there was one, TO her.
serious obstacle.
We'll" says the Judge, "namo it.
My profession is to surmount such impedi.
ments."
"Ah Jadge this is beyond your powers.
| have vowed if ever marry a widower he
must have ten children"
Ten children. Oh that's nothing" says
the Judge. "Ill give you five now, and my
note on demand in iDstalments for the bal
ance"
PRAcrIcAL SEExoY-Colored ministers
often excel in those qualities in which many
Of their white brethren are deficient pungen.
cy and directness. The following sketch of
u sermon, for whose accuracy the editor ofan
exchange gives his personal voucher, is q
good Illustration of these important qualities.
Dropping into an African meeting house in
the outskirts OF the city. we found the sermon
just commenced. The topic seemed to be tho
depravity of the human heart, and the sable
divine thus illustrated his argument:
"Bredren, when was in Virginia, one day
de ole womau's kitchen table got broke, an
| was sent into de woods to cut tree to
make q new leaf for it, Sc l took de axe on
de shoulder and / wander into the depth Of
de forest.
Gall nature was as beautiful as lady going
to de wedding De leaves glistened on do
maple trees like new quarter dollars in do
missionary box, de sun shone as brilliant, and
nature looked as gay a. q buck rabbit in n
parsley garden, and de little bell round do
Sleeps neck tinkled softly and musically in
de distance.
II spied tree suitable for dc purpose, and
| raised de axe TO cut into de trunk. It waa
q bautiful tree De branches reached to de-
four corners ob de earth, an rise up so high
in de air above, and de squirl's hop about in
de limbs like little angels Hopping their
wings in de Kingdom of heaven. Dat tree
was full ob promise, my friends, just like
great many OBJ you.
"Den | cut into de trunk and made de
chips ay like de mighty scales dropping from
Pau's eyes. Two, three cut gave dc tree,
and alas, it was holler in de butt
dat tree was much like you my friends
full ob promise outside, but holer in do
buttw
The groaus from the amen corner of the
room were truly contrte aud affecting but
we will venture a small wager that was the
most practical sermon preached in tho city.
on that day at least.
4 Western Editor ard his wife were walk
ing out in the bright moonlight one evening.
The wife was of an exceedingly poetical ma
ture, and sad to her mate: "Notice that
moon how bright, how calm and beautiful"
Couldn't think Of noticing it," returned the
editor, "for anything less than the usual
rates-a dollor and fifty cents for twelve
lines"
Wien DR.. H. and Lawyer A. were walking
arm in arm, a wag said to friend" These
two are Just equal TO one highwaymen. -
"Why 2" was the respons'. Because" re-
Joined the wag, "itis lawyer and Doctor
your money or your tye.
A stranger sSith brick in his hat, recently
entered the police court in Rochester, Mass.
and called for quart ofwhiskey Awlggish
policeman took his bottle filled it with water
took the mans twenty-five cents and let him
so
John, how wish it was as much the fash
ion to trade wives as.to trade horses"
"Why so Dick p
oJ,,N shnchipuiv ha.
fore night"
81 never was ruined but twice" said Vol.
taire, "once when lost lawsuit, and once
when gained one"
The editor Of an exchange says he never
saw but one ghost, and that was the ghost
of a sinner who ded without paying for his
paper. Twas horrible to look upon.
"Tbe early bird catches the worm"
"Seryed him right he had no business to
be mp so early"
NO, no. it means il you would catch the
worms, you must get up early"
] "Well il any body wants worms Tor break.
fast, let him get up and catch EN-. DON'T
4 Laudable Thirst Of Knowledge.--Well
young man, your businessY Why, J. beerd
| as how you teaco navigation, so 'ho'
come in and larn il this afternoon, 'caus m
gon to sea in the morrin daddy's csptipg,
and I'm mato.
Ma" said little girl to ber mother do
the men want to get married as much as the
women do 7" "Pshaw, child. what are yoa
talking aboutr Why, ma, the women who
come here are always talking abont getting
'rcsrr;et-- the rrer dorado se.'