Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-06-18
SUIT LovENGooD's SHIRT.

He could mt keep his head above water!"'
---+sss~-------
SUIT LovENGooD's SHIRT.
BY 81, OF TENN.
The first one met was 'sSut," (after cros-
sing the Hiwassee,) "weaving along in his
usual rambling, uncertain gait. His appear
ance at once satisfied me that something was
wrong. He had been sick, whipped in a
free fight, or was just out-growing one of his
big drunks. But upon this point l was soon
enlightened.
"Why, Sut, what's wrong now"
"Heap's wrong; durn my skin eff haint
most dead. Lite off that ar hoss, George,
an take horn, while take two, (shaking
that everlasting flask of his at me, } and plant
yerself on that ar log, an I'll tell ye eff 1 ken
but it's most beyont tellin'. 1 reckon I'm
the darndest fool out on Utaw, scept my dad,
for he acted, hoss, an haint dun that yet
-allers in some trap that cudent ketch a
sheep. I'll drownd myself sum day, see eff
I don't, just to stop family dispersition to
make id fools on themselves"
"How is it, sut; have you been playing
cards, or drinking, which is it"
"Nara one; that can't be did in these
parts; butseein' it's you, Gorge, I'll tell you ;
but swar I'm 'shamed-sick-sorry, and
and-mad, am.
"You know I boards with Bill Carr, at
his cabin on the mountain, an pays for sich
es I gets when hev money, an when l
hevent eny, why he takes one third owe it
outen me in cussin'; an she, that's his wife
Belts, takes out t'other two thirds with the
battlin' stick, and the intrust with her tung,
an the intrusts more'n the princip'l-heap
more. She's the cussedest oman [ ever
seed eny how fur jaw, breedin' and pride.
She can scold blister onto bulls face rite
on the curl in two minits. She outbreeds
everything on the ruver-an' patterns after
ev'ry fashun she hears tell on, from bussils
to briches. Oh she's one of 'em, an some
times she's two or three. Well, ye see, I'd
got some home made cotton truck to make a
new shurt outen, and coaxed Belts tu make
it, an about the time it wur dun, here Gums
Lawyer johnson along, au' axed for break
fust-I wish it had pizened him, durn his
hide, an I wonder it didn't, fur she cooks
awful mi1ens when she trys. I'm pizen
proof myself, (holding up his flask and peep
ing through it,) ur I'd ben ded long ago.
"Well, while he wur eatin,' she spied
out that his shurt was stiff and mighty slick;
so she never rested till she worm it outen
him that preparation owe -four did, it, en-
she got few particulars about the perceed-
ings to, outen him by 'oman's art don't
know how she did it, perhaps he does
Arter he left, she sot in an boiled big pot
ov paste, nigh onto peck ov it, and souz-
ed in my shurt an let it soak awhile; then
she tuck it an ironed it out fat and dry, an
sot it up on its aidge agin the cabin in the
sun. Thar it stood as stiff as dry boss hide,
an it ratified like sheet ov iron, it did. 1t
wur pasted tugether all over. When l cum to
dinner, nuthin' wud do but must put it on
Well Belts an me got the thing open arter
sum hard work, she pullin' at one owe the
tails an me at luther, an got into it.
Durn the everlastin' new tangled shut, say.
I felt like I'd crawled inter an old bee gum
an hit full owe pisants but it wur like Law
yer Johnson's, an stud it like man, an
went tu work tu bid Belts ash hopper. I
worked powerful hard an SWEET like hoss,
an when the shurt got wet it quit its hur-
tin. Arter got dun, I tuck about four
fingers ov red head, an crawled up into the
cabin loft tn take snuse
"Well, when walked up thot was
ded, or had the cholery, fur all the jints l
cud muve were my ankles, wrists and knees
--cudn't even muve my head an skassely
wink my eyes-the cussed shurt wur pasted
fast onto me all over, from the pint ov the
tails tu the pint ov the broad-ax collars over
my years. 1t sot me as clost as poor COW
dus her hide in March. squirm'd an
strain'd till I got it sorter broke at the shoul-
ders an elbows, an then dun the durndest
foolishest thing ever did in these mountains.
I shufaed my britches off an tore luse from
my hide about two inches ov the tail all
round in much pain and tribulation. Oh!
but it did hurt. Then 1 tuck up plank
outen the loft an hung my legs down thru
the hole an nailed the aidge ov the frunt
tail to the aidge ov the floor before, an the
hind tail nailed to the plank what I sot on.
I onbuttoned the collar and ristbands, raised
my hands way abuv my he'd, shut up my
eyes, said grace, an jumpt thru to the groun
floor.
Here Sut remained sadly.
"George, I'm a durnder fool than ever
dad was, Hoss, Hornets, an all. I'll drownd
myself sum ov these days, see eff don't"
"Well, 60 on, Sut did the shirt come off ?"
M-t-h-i-n-k-I-t-did.
learn noise sorter like tarin' shingle ruff