Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1857-06-25
CLIPPINGs-BY "sCIssoRs."

Or Whydid you set your cup of tea on the
chair Mr.. JamesP asked a worthy landlady one
morning at breakfast. 1t IS 50 very weak, ma'am,
replied Mr.. James, 4 thought l would rest it.
ESDo no. talk too mueh-dO no. Try to talk,
but whenever you speak, speak with self posses
sion, speak in a subdued tone, and always look at
the person whom you are addressing.
Es- Snooks was advised to get hislife insured.
Won't do it, said he, it would be just my luck TO
live forever il should We'll, wouldn't, my
dear meekly observed Mrs. snoOks.
Esr MeI get drunk, and then lay the fault on
the wine
ES- Exchange no Robbery-Query9 Dos
this ancient adaga include bills Of ofe1changel
EE A wise lady has sad If woman would
have the world respect her husband, she must set
the example,
ES- Stray Shot-It is with ideas as with pie
ces Of money, those of the least value generally
circulate the most.
EE a young lady. hearing it stated that gov
rnment in this country, would 10 future be car
RED on without parties, said, "0b, dearl hope
not. Ifil comes to that, hope Papa will take
US 10 live on the Continent"
EF A German prince, in adream, seeing threa
rats-one fat, the other lean and the third blind
-Lent for celebrated Bohemian giPsy, and de-
mandel an explanation. The fat raj, aid the
sorceress is your prime minister thc lea ,at your
people, aud the blind rat yourself
Es- The proprietor Of an engineering establish
ment, in advertising the disposal Of bis propeny,a
few days ago, announced that bis premises contain
ed'a large stock Of patent machinery, nearly com.
peted which, if carried out, would be Of the great
est advantage to the incoming tenant Candid,
this, certainly.
EE Chesterfield having been informed by
his physician that ne was dying by inches, con-
graduated himself that he was not SO tall by foot
as Sir Thomas Robinson.
Es- A lady leaving home was thus addressed
) by her little boy: "Mamma, will you remember
aud buy me penny whistle. and let it be RE-
LIGIoUs one that can use It on Sunday
EE- Daniel Dancer, when be had $4,000
, year, used TO beg pinch Of snuff from all his
friends, and when his box was full, bartered its
contents for a taow candle. But his parsimon-
Gus iDginuity appears contemplate iu comparison
with tha; of the Russian miser who learned to
bark that he might avoid the expense Ofkeepinga
dog.
EE- aThis animal" said an itnerant Snowman
sis the royal African byena, measuring fourteenn
feet from the tip of his nose to the end of his tail
and the same distance back again, making in all
twenty eight feet. He cries in the woods like
human being in distress, and then deyours, all
that come to bis assistance sad instance of the
depravity of human nature
+ EF The German naturalist, says the wicked
t Punch meeting at Vienna, this autumn, are to de-
] eide, among other questions:
Whether the brain of Germany is not one part
e beer, aad three parts smoke!
Whether at the feast Of reason the Austrian
S eagle would not be a very poor spreadl
Whether Toby, the learned pig, was descended
! in right line from boar of Westphaly!
Eg- As lady was walking short time ago,
a gentleman's button caught hold of the fringe of
her shawl. Some moments elapsed before the
parties were separated. Il am attached to you,'
said the gentleman, good humoredly, while he
was industrously trying to get loose. the at :
0 tachment is mutual, was the good humOred re-
e ply.
J Ea- In St. Petersburgh there is story in
circulation of reply that Sir Charles Napier
e gave the Grand Duke Constantine. The latter,
after letting Sir Charles all the arrangements
and the entire strength Of Cronsadt, asked him in
: chuckling sort of manner: well, Admiral, why
q didn't you Gomez To which Sis Charles replied
0 by asking, pray, why did not your Imperial
: Highness come out?
RE- Porter's Spirit of tie Times tells story
Il of Dan Rice, which runs thus: Dan RENTED ia
settlement Of an account to the publishers of pa
per in the west, three dollar BILL which was re-.
turned with the brief remark "This note is coun-
iterfeit, please send another" II was two montha
n before he heard from Dan again, when he apollo
gized for the delay, saying that be had been una
Ia bic till now to find another counterfeit three
= dollar bill, but he hoped that the one now enco-
sed would suit protesting at the time his in.
ability to discover what was the objection to the
, other which he thought as good counterfeit as
he ever saw. 1t must be admitted That Dan
swept that board.
u Ey gentleman was once riding in Scotland
by bleaching ground, where poor woman was
o. at work watering her webs of linen cloth. He
7 asked her where she vert to church. ard wha. she
had heard on the preceding day, and how mach
III she remembered. She cuud MT even tell the