The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1857-03-04
Found | was sick-Doctor came aud

Found [ was sick-Doctor came aud
told me what allied me. Small rox is an
interesting disease regarded from patho-
logical point of view by physician in
good health; but contemplated practically
by Cat oa-his-back patient, the study is
not SO entertaining.
The various members of my boGy cor
porate undertook for my amusement a
series of unusual and curious perform
ances "on their own hook" Those slip
perry portions of my anatomy, generally
designated as my "howcs" commenced
Il number of complicated man9uvres with
great vigor, somewhat as if they were
practicing new ballet Of wonderful com
bination, requiring a vast deal Of extra
ground and lofty ,tumbling; or were re-
hearsing a Christmas pantomime, and
jumping through surprising number Of
frap doors--they didn't stop until they'd
tied themselves into u hard knot and
tucked both ends under--I consoled my
self, however, by hoping that the Irish
baby had got its infant bowels into a
greater tangle and into harder knots than
even. mine
Then. some kind of naval engage
ment commenced in my head. and sue
cession of broadSides, ut the rate of ten
to minute, was fred inside of my un-
fortunate skull for thirty hours, the whole
of which time l was only comforted by
the sincere wish that the Miiesan young
one had got more of it than | had and
wouldn't he able to stand it half so we'll
| The effect of the internal cannonade npon
my temper was sootMng--so much so,
that when my friends veRtured to enquire
after my health, they approached in de-
tachments, it not being safe for less than
| three men in a body to dare to ask me a
question. Then my ribs began to acne,
each particular rib throbbed aud t.jerked
as if it had personal qnarrel with my
spinal column, and was bent on instantly
! dissolving the connection. | bore it in
the true martyr-spirit scothed by the
! Christian trust that the irish baby had
| tenderer ribs than mine, and blessing my
self that in thatcase it had prospect OF
immediate Purgatory. Then | began to
shiver-got so cold that my feet instantly
froze the hot water they put them into,
aud thermometer put into my mouth
went down to degrees bcow zero. ]
felt much better as seon as ] persuaded
myself to believe that that Celtic brat was
frozen stiff as ramrod, and couldn't be
thrawed out in warm bath, unless they
made the water hot enough to cook him.
Next day | was covered with little bard
Jumps, as if ia swallowed forty pound.
of bird shot, which, in some unaccounta-
bic defiance of grayitation, had all rise,
to the surface, and were trying to get out
through my skin. ], felt resigned as
cherished the fond hope that in the case
of the obnoxious baby the bird shotmight
strike in and riddle his vitals
My head was nov as big as peach
basket and my nose reminded me of &
huge nutmeg gratcr-in two days more
lesemb ed colossal statue cut out of sauS
i age meat, and now, as though had Tough
Agle-handed, q severe battle wish an i'm
mense army of Industrious feas
1 But there wasn't small pox enough tc
finish me, (although | sincerely hope tha
with that blessed infant the case was 9th
erwise) and accordingly after fair trial
it backed down, whipped institution
leaving the subscriber with few holes il
: his face as mementos Of the combat, which
marks the undersigned proposes to eithe
cover up with whiskers, or else impos
them upon an unsusi'ecting world as som
kind of original dimples.
IL | forgot to mention that one day tn
boys thought was dead and inmedi
!, ately sent to a half-price undertaken. for
! list of priccs-and then divided my prop
erty among themselves: I've since got j
7 all back, however, except my best boots
which were appropriated by Damphool
: who refuses to give them back, on tn
ground that | let him obtain possession Q
: them under false pretenses-he says tina
he will contest the title in Court OF Lay
: aud prove by twenty witnesses that it ism
his fault if | amt dead; and will ais
undertake osshow that it is the genera
d opinion of my best friends that | ougil
;, to have died several years ago; before
. owed SO much money about town. flea
Il Damphoolis morally insane StreakedIy
@. X, Phllander Doesticks, P B.
P. S.-The fire reporter made mis
{ take, and in tead of my name, printe
, .Jenktns" as the heroic preservero of th
i helpless infant" Miss So Miggs believe
: it and smiles on Jenkins. He gets all I'll
honor and get--the small pox.
'e p. P. Ss--I hope the child has entire
q ly recovered, bless its dear litteheart.
+ Excluding AND INCLuDING.--A wa
:. the other day asked bis friend, "Ho
:, y many knaves do 5ou suppose live in tn
= street besides YOURSELF" Besides myself
replied the other, ina heat, ''do you wal
j. ,a ssIV oil thor, - i'll tho fir.