davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

PRINTERS IN Observation-Disclosures are at
heavy premium just now among the politl-
clans of Pennsylvania. Bigler and Cameron,
United States Senators from that State, are both
printers, and if we mistake not both OF them
had printers for competitors. CamerOn's COM
petitor was Col. Forney, practical printer, as
we'll as distinguished editor. Gen. Packer,
the present Democratic candidate for Governor,
is also practical printer, and was for long
time the conductor of public journal. And
we see il stated that James Thompson, who has
/ Just been selected as the candidate for the Su-
preme Court Judgeship in place OF Black, the
new Attorney General of the United States, is
also printer. We believe that Wilmot, the
Black Republican candidate for Governor, is
not printer, and hence our we'll founded hope
and confidence in his defeat. Since the days OF
Ben. franklin, it has been no easy matter in
Pennsylvania to beat printer by candidate
selected from any other avocation. Franklin,
the first American printer of the eighteenth
century, was appointed Minister to France, and
on hearing that Mr.. Girard, book-binder, had
been sent as French Minister to our Congress.he
(Franklin) declared with emphasis, We'll, III
print the Declaration Of American Independ
ence. and Mr.. Girard will bind it," The book
of independence was printed and bound just as
franklin suggested, and from that day to this
nobody, unless book-binder, could presume tt
run for honors in Pennsylvania with printer
I-RicE Examiner.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

WIT AND HAPPINESS There is no necessary
connection between witty or even humorous J.
deas and comfortable state of mind. Swift
was unhappy, and Johnson morose, though both
were great wits. Hood was extremely subject
to low spirits, and Cowper, it is well known
wrote "John Gilpin," not because he was in
a merry mood, but to keep mp" against hi:
habitual tendency to melancholy. Liston, the
the greatest of comic actors, suffered extremely
from mental depression; and Laman Blanchard
one of Punch's best humorists, blew his OWL
brains out. leaving Douglas Jerrold to finish the
famous "Caudle Lectures!" which the former
had begun. With the single exception of Swift
who was disappointed politician, these mel
are all invalids, whose animals spirits were i'm
paired by disease, and who themselves groanet
over the the "happy fancies," which set the res
of the world laughing Post.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08
The Excitable Woman,
BY KArHRINA VAN rrssrr1

The excitable woman is generally small, shar,
and wiery-quick in all her motions, and incln
ed to be contradictory, especially toward those
whose domestic relations are most closely inter
woven with her own. She delights in getting
mp scenes in which her point of powers of DO
mestc acrion may find expression.
In society her quick susceptibilities, her lively
repartees render her exceedingly popular, but in
the quiet of home, deprived of the audience she
delights to charm, woe to the luckless woman,
the thoughtless child, who may dream that the
charm which breathes around her in public
shall brighten the altar of home affections, yet
she will throw herself into violent spans at the
lest shadow of danger that menaces them.
/ have seen such women sink into apparent
lnsensibity when her little son came in bleed.
ing from trifiing cut,upon his forehead, to re-
vive suddenly and clasp the infant innocent to
her heart with frantic gestures, while she raised
her eyes to Heaven, invoking blessing upon
him, and returned thanks for the imaginary
danger which he had escaped. Servants were
dispatched in various directions for physicians
and no less than three come in violent hurry
te-apply piece of sticking plaster to the
wound; and admire the heroics of the devoted
mother, who resumed conclusive throes on their
entrance, and spoke in wild ejaculation of hel
darling sons danger, and would scarcely be per.
-uaded that brain fever would not result from
the injury he had received. The physicians
wed with each other in consoliDg her and res
pectfully took leave. The child sat in corner
looking frightened, ald so soon as they were
gone, to my amazement she rose. shook him vi.
oently, and said in indignant tone
This is for giving me such shock for moth
ing you little migrate! My nerves are quite un.
strung and all for scratch like that"
| thought her very unreasonable, bat women
of that stamp do not pique themselves on their
justice.
The husband of the exctable woman Is con-
tinually on his guard against aronsing her sus-
ceptible temperament; but the poor man leads
a sad life, for an inadvertent expression brings
on conyusive twitchings, and singular contor-
tions of the face, which are portentous omens
to him, yet he loves her; he thinks her charm
ing woman, whose nerves are too highly strung
for the exigencies of daily life; and he excuses
her wayward disregard of his happiness, in the
firm belief that the sensitively organized being
Providence has bestowed upon him for his part
ner in life, has too much of the ETHEREAL fire in
her nature to accommodate herself to the reali-
ties of .very day life.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08
The fairy is his "Casta Diva"

An honest backwoodsman, unacquainted with
the slang terms of the day recently went into a
store at Columbia South Carolina, to purchase a
bill of groceries. Stepping up TO the keeper Of
the store, he began with
"Have you got any sugar2"
"We amt got anything else"
"Wel, put me up a hundred and fifty pounds,
and make .out your bill. I'll call and settle and
get the sugar in an hour or two"
In an hour or SO after this the gentleman
called, paid his bill and got the sugar. AS usu-
al, the shopkeeper asked:
Want anything else2"
Il did want some three or four bags of coffee,
some rice, spices. oil, &c, but got them at an.
other store. You told me that you didn't have
anything but sugar."
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08
Reading Ones Own Obituary.

The tenure of the Major Generalship Of Mas
sachusetts. like that of good many other Off.
ces in that ancient Commonwealth, is for life, e,or
during good behaviour The Boston Transcript
says that one of the former lived so long that q
wicked wag, at his reported death, gave as d
sentiment at public dinner THE memory OF
our late Major General-may he be eternally re.
warded in heaven for his everlasting services
on EARTH Judge of the surprise of the author
of this toast, on learning the next day, that the
report was false, and the veteran officer still
lived.
This reminds us of an occurrence that took
place in the same State some years ago. In
the days of Myall, the publisher of the New
buryport Herald. (a journal still alive and -four
ishing,) the sheriff of Essex county, Philip Bag.
lev, had been asked several times to pay up his
arrears Of subscription. At last one day he told
Myal that he would certainly hand over the
the next morning as sure as he lived If you
don't get your money tomorrow, you may be
sure | am dead said he
The morrow came and passed, but no money
Judge of the Sheriff's feelings when, on the nexl
morning of the day after, he opened his Herald
and saw announced the lamented decease o.
Philip Bagley, Esq, High Sheriff of the county
of Essex; with an obituary notice attached, Civ.
ing the deceased credit for good many excel
lent traits of character. but adding that he had
one fault very much to be deplored-he was moi
puncrual in paying the printer"
Bagley, without waiting for his breakfast
started for the Herald office. On the way il
struck him as singular that none of the many
friends and acquaintance he met seemed to bt
surprised to see him. They must have read
their morning paper. Was it possible they car
ed SO little about him as to have forgotten al
ready that he was no more9 Full of perturba
ton, he entered the printing office, to deny thai
he was dead in propria person.
why Sheriff. exclaimed the facetious editor
4 thought you were defunctl'
'Defunct! exclaimed the Sheriff. What pu
that idea in your head 2
why you yourself!' said Myall. Did yo'
not tell me-
oh! all yes! l seel' stammered out th'
Sheriff. well, there's your money. And nov
contradict the report in the next paper, if you
please.
That's not necessary, friend Bagley,' said tn
old joker; it was only printed in your copy! ,
The good Sheriff lived many years after thi
sell. and to the day of his real death alway
took good care to pay the printer IN. o. PIC
ayune.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

Gen. Washington seldom indulged in o joke
or sarcasm, but when he did he always made
decided hit. 1t is related that he was pres
ent in Congress during the debate on the estab-
ishment of the Federal army, when member
offered resolution, limiting the army to three
thousand men, upon which Washington sug
gested to member an amendment, providing
that no enemy should ever invade the country
with more than two thousand soldiers The
laughter which ensued smothered the resolution
The cheapest mode of making vinegar is te
mix six quarts of warm rain water with two
quarts of Orleans Molasses and four quarts O
yeast In few weeks you will have the bes
! vinegar you ever saw.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08
Doc CoLLRGE.-A New York letter of the
9th ult SAYS:

Doc college,. "A New York letter of the
26th ult., says
We have all sorts of beneficiary institutions
in and about New York, with hotels, boarding.
houses. schools, &C., for biped animals of all a.
yes and conditions. But our enterprise stops
not there. as you may see by an advertisement
in one of our papers, announcing that respecta-
BILE dogs may obtain the best accommodations
and board at - four miles from
Jersey City, where the education and training
of dogs are "superintended by accomplished
teachers. The best OF references given and re-
quired," and "onIy dogs of the best breed need
apply" Don't suppose this notice canard.-
That doggery has an actual existence. Its keep
er seems to be sort of monomanac in the dog
line. He has couple of hundred of the ami.
mails boarding and training, whose manners and
morals" he looks after with scrupulous care"
for one dollar week each. Twice day,
morning and evening, lie takes his pupils out for
q run of two or three miles: after which they
receive o regular meal. This dog pedsgogue
expresses himself utterly opposed to corporeal
punishment, and discards altogether the use Of
the whip.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08
BrilliantS.

The following beautiful lines by P. r. An
midon, cannot fail to win applause from evel
one of poetic taste and Judgement:
Fair blue bells droop for gentle Mary,
Pride of the sisterhood of flowers;
With footballs light US steps of fairy
On the weird earth in twilight hours
The distant stars at evening weep,
Now that the dm-veiled eyelids throw
A shadow o'er each azure deep.
That sleeps-how TRANQUILITY below
Death found her in the arms of Sleep,
And gently took her guileless breath;
So gently, we forgot 10 weep,
And wonder if indeed twas death.
And thus we parted-Evening came
To weep oer thee her dewy tears;
And Venus with the heart of fame
Looked on that hour of hopes and fears;
While thro the willows trembling shade.
The fragrant heirs of Summer strayed
We partcd-what though tears have flown
And life with me hath reached its noon
yet may wander back-alone--
And breathe again those airs of June.
STILL o'er the wind Implying see
Ny gentle memories fly to thee!
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

PnENoME MONA strange and startling phe
nomenon took place near Carbondale, Pa. at
sunset on the 10Th. A large cloud was seen
making its appearance. coming directly from the
northwest, accompanied by considerable wind.
When near this place dark. looking cloud, or
substance, was seen to leave the cloud and make
diagonally for the EARTH So soon as it struck
the ground, contrary to oil expectation, it be-
came highly luminous. Making directly for a
large barn that ,tOod in the field, it passed thro'
its centre, setting it on fire, and continued its
course, gaining in velocity as far as the eye
could reach, making straight course for the
woods, melting stones of considerable size, and
burning up brush and underwood, making a
complete road, of a rod or more in width, for
the distance Of three miles, and finally fetching
up against perpendicular breast Of solid a.
lracite coal of 60 feet IN thickness proving rath-
er too much for its cometshp, leaving nothing
but sulphurous mass behind.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

SANTA ANNA's LEG.-It is stated that firm
of celebrated manufacturers of artificial legs in
Boston have just received the leg belonging to
Santa Anna, captured at the battle of Cerro
Gordo. One firm is manufacturing an ele-
CANT specimen Of the art for the general. The
following is the inscription upon the captured
leg: Santa Annals Leg, captured at the bat
tie of Cerro Gordo, Mexico, by Sergeant Gill
and Prvates Rhodes and Woodward, Company
G, fourth regiment, Illinois Volunteers"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

A HoxE THRusr-A pedagogue, provoked at
the duness of pupil, instead of coaxing him
along, boxed his ears, and demanded of him how
long man could live without brains. The bow
meekly replied, i don't know; how long have
you lived yourself, sir2"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08
Praise Your Wife.

Praise your wife, man for PHYS sake give
her little encouragement; it won't hurt her.
She has made your home comfortable, your
hearth bright and shining, your food agreeable
for pity sake tell her you thank her, if nothing
more. She don't expect it; it will make her
eyes open wider than they have for these ten
years; but it will do her good for all that, and
you too.
There are many women to-day thirsting for
he word of praise, the language of encourage
nent. Through summers heat and winters
oil they have drudged uncomplainingly, and so
accustomed have their fathers, brothers, and
husbands become to their mOnotonous labors,
hat they look for and upon them as they do the
lsily rising of the sun and its daily going down.
Homely every day life may be made beautiful
by an appreciation of its very honeliness. You
know that if the floor is clean, manual labor has
been performed to make it so. You know that
if Won can take from your draw clean shirt
whenever you want it, somebody's fingers have
acled in the toll of making it SO fresh and o.
greeabe. SO smooth and lustrous. Everything
that pleasss the eye and the sense has been pro-
rluced by constant work, much thought, great
care, and untiring efforts, bodily and mentally.
1t is not that many men do not appreciate
these ILlUhS. anu lScl d kloW VI SiolbuN0 A"'
The nnlnberless attentions bestowed upon them
in sickness and in health, but they are so selfish
in that feeling. They don't come out with
a hearty, "Why, how pleasant you make things
look, wife," or, II am obliged to You for taking
30 much pains" They thank the tailor for Civ.
ing them "its :" they thank the man in full ON
nibus who gives them seat; they thank the
young lady who moves along in the concert
room in short, they thank everybody and ev-
erything out of doors, because it it the custom,
and come home, tip their chairs back and their
heels up pull out the newspaper, grumble if wife
asks them to take to the baby, scold if the fire
has got down; or, if everything is just right,
shut their mouths with mock satisfaction, but
never to say to her 81 thank you."
tell you what, men, young and old, II you
did but show an ordinary civility towards those
common articles of housekeeping, your wives !;
if you gave the one hundred and sixtieth part of
the compliments you almost choked them with
before they were married; if you would stop
the badinage about whom you are going to have
when number one is dead, (such things wives
may langh at, but they sink deep sometimes; ,
if you would cease to speak of their faults, how
ever banteringly, before others, fewer women
would seek for other sources Of happiness than
your cold, 30 so-ish affection. Praise your wife,
then, for all good qualities she has, and you
may rest assured that her DEFICIENCIES are fully
couhterbalanced by your own.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

RESPECT FOR OLD AGE.-A pleasant writer in
the Congregationaist, calls the present age young
rather than fast. He makes use of the following
illustration
If Methusalah were now alive, it would be
amusing, If it were rot sad to think how he
would fare. He would date back to just about
A. D. s90-the era of the founding of Oxford;
about the time when Alfred was In his glory in
England, when Arpsd was founding Hungary,
and Arnold OF Germany was taking Rome. The
old gentleman would doubtless remembera thing
or two-but it would hardly be safe for him to
speak of it, or some youngster in his bib and
Bancroft, would correct his dates, or contradict
his facts, and set him down as an old fogy Old
Doctor Beecher and Doctor jerks would have
good time with him, and he might possibly be
asked to sit on the platform, and pronounce the
benediction for some society. in Anniversary
week; but he would be lucky to get home with
his eyes unblnded with street smoke, his gar
ments undetiled with street spttle, and his bones
unbroken by some street scnffie.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08
POETRY.
Who Stole the BIRDS Nest3

By MRS. L. N. CHILD.
To-whit, to-whit to-whee
Will you listen to me?
Who stole four eggs | laid,
And the incest nest made?
Not l, said the COW, moo-ool
Such thing I'd never do;
! gave you wisp of hay,
And did not take your nest away.
Not l, said the cow, moo-oo!
Such thing I'd never do.
Bob-a-link! bnb-a-link,
What do you think?
Who stole my nest away
From the plum tree, to-day?
Not said the dog, bow-wow
l wouldn't be mean, vow;
| gave the hairs the nest to make,
But the nest didn't take.
Not l, said the sheep-0h, no!
wouldn't treat bird SO;
gave the wool the nest to line,
But the nest was none of mine,
Baa Baa said the sheep-oh, no!
Iwouldn't treat poor bird so.
Chuck. cluck said the hen;
Don't ask me again;
Why, | haven't chick
Would do such trick;
We all gave feather,
And she wove them together;
I'd scorn to intrude
On her and her brood.
Chirr-a-wirr! chirr.a-wirr!
Wen make grand stir;
Let us find out his name,
And all cry, for shamel
/ would not rob bird,
Said little Mary Green;
/ think never heard
Of anything so mean.
IT'S very cruel, too,
Said little Alice Neal:
wonder if he knew
How sad the bird would feel.
A little boy hung down his head,
And went and hid behind the bed;
For he stole that pretty nest
From poor little yellow-breast;
And he felt so full of shame,
He didn't like to tell his name.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

FRATs OF OUR FoREFATHERs.-The Household
Words Almanac gives the following extraordina.
ry feats of our forefathers
On the 18th of January, 1767, q gentleman
skated mile in AZ seconds
On the 18th March, 1868, man ran seven
miles in 46 minutes, with 56 pounds on his head.
On the Goth of March, 1882. John Harrison,
son of poor Yorkshire carpenter, obtained, by
a time keeper of his own making, the 100000
reward offered in Queen Anne's time for the
means of determining the longitude at sea within
half degree OF a circle. When Harrison was a
child six years old, being confined to his bed by
illness, he had watch placed on his pillow
that he might amuse himself with observations
of its movements.
On the 18th of May. 1871, farmer rode po-
ny up two pair Of stairs, and down again, at the
George Inn, Kerkton, Lindsey.
On the 18th of August, 1748 Jonathan Bax-
ter crossed the Thames, at Blackfriars, in a
butchers tray, in one hour and ten minutes,
padding with his hands.
On the 4th of November, 1871, gentleman
rode boar pig miles in 30 minutes.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

THE UMBRELLoMETER-We think the umbrel-
Ia can be taken as very good test OF persons
character. The man who always takes an um-
brella out with him is cautious fellow, who
abstans from all speculation, and is pretty sure
to die rich. The man who is always leaving his
umbrella behind him, is one, generally. who
makes no provision for the morrow. He is reck-
less, thoughtless always late for the train leaves
the street door open when he goes home late at
night, and absent to such degree as to speak
i'll of baby in the presence of its mamma. The
man who is always losing his umbrella is an un-
lucky dog, whose bills are always protested,
whose boots split, whose gloves crack, whose
buttons are always coming off, whose change
is sure to have some bad money in it. Be eau
tlous how you lend thousand pounds to such a
man! The man who is perpetually expressing
nervons anxiety about his umbrella, and won
dering if it is safe, is full of meanness and low
suspicious, with whom it is best not to play al
cards, nor drink bottle of wine. He is sure
to suspect you are cheating him, or that you are
drinking more than your share. Let him be
ever so rich give not your daughter to him: he
will undoubtedly take more care of his umbrella
than of his wife. The man with cotton um
brella is either a philosopher or an economist
he defes the world and all its fashionable pre-
iudices, or else he does it because it is cheaper
to lose than a silk one. The man who goes tt
the horticultural fete without an umbrella i
simply fool, who richly deserves the duckinl
he gets.-Punch.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

SWEARING -"Trust not to the promise of q
common swearer," says Francis Quares, in his
Enchirdion, "for he that dare sin against his
God for neither profit nor pleasure, will tres
pass against thee for his own advantage. He
that dare break the precepts of his father, will
easily be persuaded to violate the promise unto
his brother" There is good common sense in
this advice, and it would be well if it were gen.
orally acted on. There are, no doubt, many
great scoundrels who never swear, and perhaps
few men of otherwise good conduct who
sometimes transgress but the common swearer,
the man whose every other word is an oath,
and who cannot perform the most trivial or dis
graceful act without proanely invoking the name
of the Supreme Being, bnt little good can be
said. He may be successful in business, shrewd
in worldly dealing, and courageous in facing dam
ger, but in the qualities that make up the true
gentleman and the Christian, he is wofully de-
fcient Take the man who is well read in good
literature, who is agreeable to those in whose
society he is thrown, and whose name is but an
other word for honor and he will never be found
one who
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

COTrON YARNS -5OJ lbs Cotton Yarns, from
" No. . to Is, for sale by
STAPLES, MARTIN 4 co.
S.aunton Anril 90 1877
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

uTM. A. sTERRETT, MERCHANT TAI
w LOR invites attention to his assortment of Fall
Goods which he has now on hand.
Sfaunton Oct Ia, 1885.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-07-08

JOHN. NJ. soYALL, e. H. sNoDGRAss,
of Richmond OF BOtet0nrt.
DOYALL IL SNODGRASS, COMMlSSlON
III MERCHANTS, Richmond, Va.
Rchmnn1 Feb. 2S. 1SS1.-lY.