Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-06-04
A "CASE" IN COURT.

A "cAsE" IN COURT.
The New York Tribune is reporting
scenes in the Police Court. Here is one OF
them:
The Judge called out the name of Carroll
ton Clappertongue. Hardly had the last
syllable of the name been spoken before the
"Here" was uttered with spasmodic jerk,
and in an instant queer looking customer
sprang some steps forward and brought him.
self up standing against the rail.
Mr.. Clappertongue possessed marked
individuality in feature, form and dress; ne
was representative of himself and himself
alone; his features were sharp and thin;
his large grey eyes had a look deeply pene--
trative they were restive in their sockets,
glancing for moment at given object and
then changing the object in an instant; ne
would stand for moment in given position
aud then, with no seeming cause for change,
would jerk himself into another attitude;
his hair was of bright yellow, uneven in
length and uncombed; on some portions OF
his head it stood out at right angles; his
dress was a remarkable "take up" for an &C.
centric comedy character. The vest was
long-waisted, of red groundwork, inter
spersed with fancy yellow diamonds, His
coat was dilapidated black shanghae full
of small defects. Around his neck he wore
red bandanna handkerchief, oyer which
laid quantity of dirty linen gotten up in
accordance with the Byronic cut. The pants
were of grotesque pattern, very greasy and
.threadbare. Judging from Mr.. Clapper-
tongues general appearance we should set
him down as a person Of rapid thought and
active temperament, who acted fsom i'm
pulse and lacked stability. He was steam
engine without governor, watch without
a balance-wheel, boiler without a safety
valve, hair-trigger pistol ready cooked, an
individual built on the steady-leg;jerk prln-
ciple.
"NIr. Clappertongue," said the Judge,
"you are charged with gross intoxicatloa in
the streets"
Mr.. Clappertongue replied to the Judge
in the following words, with ra a2idity fright
full to shorthand reporters. In everything
Mr.. G. preserved this uniform rapid utter
ance Said he:
"Judge, you needn't fear to take several
oaths on several Bibles before several magis-
trates that the charge is true in point of fact,
for I was incontinently elevated, inebriated,
intoxicated, drunk, very drunk-I 'oas. 1
plead guilty and plead for mercy in the same
Identical breath-I do"
"Where did you purchase your liquor"
"In divers, sundry, various, and different
premises wherein ardent spirits, distilled, fer
mented and malt liquors are given away in
the city and county of New York, not to say
Jersey City, because the jurisdiction Of this
tribunal doesn't happen to extend over the
North River-it DOESN'T"
"Do you know the name of any one of the
persons who sold you liquor? ?"
81 do not, though might state the prob
abilities and give the reasons therefor A
fact is there are many Smiths and Browns in
the world, and it is not improbable that some
of the Smiths may sell liquor, and by no
means impossible that I may have purchased
from them-t isn't"
"What is your business ?"
"It has always been suited to exigencies
in early youth my time was divided between
kissing the girls, marbles, tying tin-kettles
to dogs tails, blowing quill-squalkers under
pious peoples windows, stealing apples, set
ting traps for chipmuuks, mumble-'t-peg,
putting tar on the backs of individuals who
would insist, in contrariety to good custom,
on carrying invincible yet heavy bricks in
their hats, hamstringing rats, and various
other innocent and childish frivolities-it
has.
81 mean what is your business since you
have become grown ?"
"First I essayed out as collector of bills,
but having an inordinate passion for old rye,
I one day got on spree during which time
I spent 500 or thereabouts, belonging to
other people, and the pumps pretended to
say was not pecuniarly liable, and as they
failed to give me any more bills to collect, l
gave up the business in disgust did,"
"What has been your profession since
then ?"
"Numerous, very numerous, as the mater
nal monkey remarked on one occasion when
she was picking vermin from the hide of an
infantile monkey. My professions are divi-
ded, b-divided, redivided, resub- divided,
and divided again-they are. Iwrite acros-
tics, love-letters, valentines, epitaphs for
tombstones, black boots, furnish skeletons of
sermons to ministers, teach dancing and vo-
cal music, sing in chorus at the English op-
era, sell patent silver-plated stuff warrant
ed to make brass look like silver for an hour
and half and after then like rusty copper;
my own invention, Jud ge ; happy to sell you
box, and you will be sold too, bad, when
you buy it-cure corDs, bunyans and warts,
teach writing on new principle, operate on
the magnetic telegraph when any of the ope-
rators are sick or drunk orso stupid that they
can't strike dots, impart knowledge of short
hand to aspiring young reporters, play piano
accompaniments to first fiddler and dancing
parties, distribute tracts, engage all suits to
eject tenants from premises, and keeps tenants
in spite of the efforts of landlords who are
so eccentric as to think that rent should be
paid, give counsel to persons desiring to be