davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
san,11ul's':t:l1lg Reaonlg.
Jacks IN OFFICE"

A number of politicians, all of whom were
seeking Office under government, were scat
tered on the tavern-porch, talking, when an
old topper, named D., came up to them.
Said D-is is a person who is very loqua-
cious when "corned," but exactly opposite
when sober. At the present time being
"tight," he said if the company had no OBJ
jections he would tell them story, They
told him to "6re away" whereupon he spoke
as follows: ... .. .
ga certain kiDg-don't recollect his name
had a philosopher, upon whose judgment
he always depended. Now it so happened
that one day the king took it into his head
to go hunting, and after summoning his
mobiles, and making all the necessary prepar-
ations, he summoned his philosopher and
asked him if it would rain. The philosopher
told him it would not, and he and his mobiles
departed. While journeying along, they
met countryman mounted on a jackass; he
advised them to return, 'for,' said he, it will
certainly rain. They smiled eontemptuous-
ly upon him, and passed on. Before they
had gone many miles, however, they had rea-
son to regret not having taken the rustic's
advice, as heavy shower coming up they
were drenched to the skin. When they had
returned to the palace, the king reprimand-
ed the philosopher severely for telling him
that it would be clear when it was not. d
met countrymen,' said he, 'and he knows
great deal more than you, for he told me
it would rain, whereas you told me it would
not
ssThe king then gave the philosopher his
walking paper, and sent for the countryman,
who made his appearance. Tell me- said
the king, how you knew it would rain p Il
didn't KNOW said the rustic, 'my jackass
told me- sAnd how, pray, did he tell you"
the king asked in astonishment. by prick
ing up his ears, your majesty The king
now sent the countryman away; procuring
the jackass he placed him in the office the
philosopher had filled. And here, observed
D., looking very wise, here is where the
king made mistake. sHow so p inquired
his auditors. Why, ever since that time,
said D., with grin on his phiz, every
iackass wants an Office
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
TERRITORIAL TOAST-BOOK.

There is nothing very jovial in the idea
of total abstinence, and it is difficult to get
jollity out Of pump, we do not see why the
tetotallers should not adopt the practice of
giving sentiments when they drink, and
thus realizing the popular combination of
toast-and-water. We subjoin few speci-
mems, which will be found suitable for these
aqueous associations, whose members seem
to look upon the garden engine as the only
moral engine, and the water cart as the only
vehicle of progress.
A light heart and water;jug.
May ewers always be mine, and ours be
ewers.
May the pump always give US its succor.
May the pitcher Of strength never want
the water of purity.
The noblest works of man-the water
The pump-the only true source of legit-
innate wisdom. .......
May sorrow find watery grave.
Afg for my friend-and a pond for my
pitcher.
Confusion to the donkey who stops up (by
getting his foot into it) the plug-hole.
A full water-bottle and nobody to partake
of it.
May the good ship Britannia draw plenty
of water.
My friend and filter
May every pipe be put out, except the
water pipe.
The best of all unions-the grand juno
tion.
May confidence always break the ice, and
friendship drink the water.
May the tear of sorrow from the cistern of
the heart purified by the filter of affection,
and join the waters of oblivion.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

VENHE SUBSCRIBER, desiring to retire from
Il the Printing business, offers for sale the en-
tire Establishment known as THE CAROLINA
TIMES, to which is connected well-conditioned
JOB OFFICE.
The Times DAILY, Tri-weekly and Weekly is
sues, is in prosperous condition, enjoying We
ry fair circulation and large advertising patron
age. The Job Office is in good order, containing
abundance of material for the execution of any
class of work, and is literally patronized
The Press department, containing three Presses,
is also complete, and worked by steam, running
one Adams and one Cylinder Press.
AS Printer to the House of Representatives, the
subscriber has made ample arrangements for the
execution of its work, which affords ample remu-
neration, and properly managed cannot fail to
give a handsome profit.
As the subscriber has determined to sell, an
opportunity is afforded those who may desire to
engage in journalism to secure one of the best
conditioned and prosperous establishments to be
found in the South, ut very low figures.
For further information, address the subscriber
at Columbia, s c. E. H. BRITTON.
Feb - 6 If
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
BOSTON,: Printed and fold by BEN
JAM1N FRANKLIN in Queen Street, where
Advertisements are taken in.

A CRoTcHET.-'Go out in the woods,
Sambo,' said a southern master to one of his
negroes, sand cut me some crotches for a
fence-to stick in the ground like this ma
king an inverted Y of his two fingers on
table.
The negro took his axe, went into the
woods, and was gone all day, and returned
at last with nothing but his axe in his hand.
Where are your crotches, Sambo? asked
his master.
Couldn't find none, massa, no how?
couldn't find any?' said his master'
swhy there are thousands of them in the
woods Why look at that tree there are
half dozen on that; couldn't you find any
like that% pointing to forkcd branch on
the tree.
sOh yes, massa, plenty o'dem kind; but
day all crotch up-tought you wanted dem
kind dat crotch down"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
LAW BLANKS

WE have on hand and s EgE5BRrR gSsBrTfa to s9R
all kinds of LAWYERS BLANKS in general de-
mand, printed on good paper and neatly pressed.
We offer them at IS cents u quire. Single half
Qure so cents. AS we have incurred considera-
BILE outlay to:enabc us to furnish good article,
We will sell for CASH and CASH ONLY.
Our present stock consists of the following va
retes, viz: SIM Pro; Fl. Fd.; Fl. Fd. on Sum.
Pro-; CoPy Writ in Case: Copy Writ in Debt; De-
cldration on 4ccoWut: Declaration on PrOmissory
Note: Declaration on Bond or Seated Note: Sub
peHa Wits; Subpoena Tickets, Sc.
gsD- Orders from distance promptly attended
to, if accompanied by the CASH!
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
From the Gencsee Farmer.
THE DUTY OF FARMERS.

Agricultural science is still in its infancy.
"Darkncss as darkness ITSELF" hangs over
the pathway of him who attempts to explore
its fields In its present stage of develop
ment, some of its most important truths are
incapable of demonstration. What one ap-
proves both in theory and practice, another
condemns. Philosophical deductions and
practical experience are arrayed against each
other. And yet its principles are as fixed
in their operation as are the principles of
any science; and when they shall have re-
ceived the careful and philosophical attcn-
tion which the coming years are destined to
bring them, they will be found as demonstra-
BILE as are the truths of mathematics.
In attaining so desirable and important
result, we must rely in no small.degree upon
agricultural papers. 1t is their peculiar pro-
vince to awaken inquiry, direct it in proper
channels, and stimulate the energies of the
laboring masses. That they have accomplish
ed very much in this respect during the late
decade, cannot be denied. We are indebted
to them to great extent for the increased
attention which has of late been given to
agricultural science. But broader and rich
er fields, sparkling with rarest gems, arc
opening before them; all the sciences are
coming to their aid in clearing away the
mists that have so long enveloped the great
truths of agriculture; educated intellect is
anxious to pay its dcroirs to those truths
the best disciplined minds of the age are
reckoned in the lists of practical agricultu-
rists. But whatever offerings science may
bring, whatsoever discoveries she may make,
actual experience must attend her 1'ort
passu.
Upon farmers, therefore, devolves, sort
of moral obligation to give to the world,
through the medium of agricultural paper,
the results of their experience. And, dear
farmer, when you experiment letme persuade
you to do it with the utmost care and exact
ness-thus the reflex influence of your ex-
periments will be no small part of the bene-
fits resulting therefrom. When we can bring
to bear upon the disputed points of agricul-
tural science the careful experience of thou
sands of practical men, we shall have done
much towards their settlement, and therefore
much for the benefit of the world. No sub
ject offers a richer reward to patient lnvestl-
cation.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

father was miller, and followed that occu-
patton when Liudley was born, but after
wards devoted his attention to mercantile
pursuits, and amassed considerable fortune
by trading to the West Indies. Lindleylwas
the oldest of twelve children, and when about
seven years of age was sent to Philadelphia,
that he might have the benefit of better
education than could be had at Swatara.-
He studied law in New York, and at the age
of twenty-five was called to the bar, where
he gained for himself the reputation of an
honest lawyer His Grammar of the En-
glish Language was composed, in En- gland
in 1874, and published in the Spring Of
1895.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
ORDINANCE.

DEIT ORDAINED, by the Intendant and War;
Id dens 0f the Town of Yorkville, in Council
assembled, and by the authority of the same That,
from and after the publication Of this Ordinance
if any person or persons shall fire gun, pistol or
other firearms within three hundred yards of the
public streets of Yorkvile. he, she or they shall,
upon conviction, pay fine Of five dollars for eacN
offence.
.. BE it further Ordancd, by the authority a.
foresaid, That if any person or persons owning or
having in charge any horse or mule, shall permit
such horse or mule to run Mt large in any of the
streets of Yorkvile, he, she or they shall forfeit
and pay to the Town Council Of said town the
sum of one dollar for every day such horse or
mule hall be permitted to run at large.
3. De il further Orddipcd,. That for the purpose
Of preventing encroachmcnts upon sidewalks, the
owner, owners or occupant of any lot within the
cooperate limits of the town are hereby prohibit
cd from setting any tree or trees in front OF
such lot, out of the line now fixed and established:
under penalty of One dollar for every twenty
four hours such tree or trees may remain so set
out.
4. Belt turthsr Ordtiaed That tax of five
per cent, be imp'sed on all sales made within .hc
corporate limits OF the town by tincrant auction
eers-the amount of sales to be returned or
oath, and the tax to be paid. by such Auctioneer
to the Intentant. before ten o'clock in the evening
of each day upon which such sales shall be made;
and upon each and every failure to render return
in the manner thus provided for, such Auctioneers
shall forfeit and pay to the Town Council a sum
not exceeding Twenty Dollars, to be collected in
the mode now provided for by law
5. Be il Jurther Ordained, That each and every
person, residing within the corporate limits of
the town, liable to Patrol duty, may commute for
the performance of such duty by the payment of
One Dollar and Atty cents; prorided said commu-
tation be paid on or before the first day Of April
next; and all persons refusing or failing to pay
such Communication within the time specified shall
be held liable to Patrol duty, and for non perform
ance thereof, to such fines and penalties as are
now provided by law.
G. Be ii .furthcr Ordained, That all Ordinances
or clauses Of Ordinances repugnant to this Ord-
nance be, and they are hereby repealed,
Done aud Ratified under the corporate seal of the
town. on the 9th day of March. in the year
of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and
ffty-seyen.
T. II. SIMRIL, Mtendant.
JOSEPH HERNpoN, Clerk.
March y 10 st
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

A STRANGE ADvENTURE.-Mr. Red
blossom drank more than his usual allowance
of rum and sugar one cold night last week,
the consequence of which was he gave his
wife rather confused account of his con-
duct on his return home:
"Mr. Smiths grocery store invited me to
90 in and drink cousin Sam--and you see
the weather was dry-and I was very sloppy
so 1 didn't mind punchin' one drink-and
it's queer how my head went into the punch,
though! The way home was so dizzy that l
slipped upon little dog-the corner of the
street bit me-and an old gentleman with
cropped ears and brass collar on his neck said
he belonged to the dog-and I was-you
Observation-Disclosures, is, don'tknow moth
ing more about it."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
THE LAW OF NEWSPAPERS.

l. Subscribers who do not give express notice
to the contrary, are considered as wishing to con-
tinuctheir subscription.
.. If subscribers order the discontinuance of
their papers, the publisher can continue to send
them until all nrrcaragcs arc paid.
8. IF subscribers neglect or refuse to take their
papers from the office to which they are directed,
they are held responsible till they settle their bill,
and order the paper discontinued.
4. If any subscriber removes to another place
without informing the publisher, and their paper
issent to the former direction, they are held re-
sponsible.
S. The Court has decided that refusing to take
Newspaper from the Office, or removing and leav-
ing it uncalled for, is prima acie evidence of an
intentional fraud.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

s9- The following announcement, says
California paper, will be hailed with delight
by sundry gentlemen from cold Pike:
"Mr. Editor please give very good notis
of the marriage of Bob Skies that was whip
ped for stealing in Gorgy to old Bill Rice's
big ugly gal Betsy which took place last
Thursday by Squire Billy Jones. We had
a Dustin time sure and you never seed sich
fun. Put in sum Poetri if you can it will
pleas EN- al mitey. Yours, &C.,
JOE MUaaINs."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

SOMEWHAT MIsTAKEN.-English ira
velers represent the Americans as debilita-
ted, degenerate, and sickly race, and the
nonsense is reiterated in this country by
those who ought to know better 1t is a
little singular that such an enfeebled race
should have accomplished more physical la
Dor in subduiug an entire continent in less
than two centuries, than all the nations of
Europe have effected for their own countries,
in the same time. Physically, morally, and
mentally, there is no more vigorous race than
the American on the face of the globe
They live as long, are as hardy and well de-
veloped, can endure as great an amount of ia
tigue, and accomplish as much labor, men
tally and physically, as any other people
They have peopled a continent, and cultiva-
ted it till it produces abundance, have trav-
ersed it with railroads and telegraphs, built
up commercial marine equal to the largest,
and established the best Constitutional gov
ernment that was ever devised by man.
We want no better evidence than these of
the vigor of their physical, or the activity
and strength Of their mental constitution.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

HaFA gentleman of color had severe at
tack of rheumatism, which finally, settled in
his foot. He doctered and nursed it, but
all to no purpose. Finally, tearing away
the bandages, he stuck it out, and with a
shake of his fist over it, exclaimed Ache a.
way, den ole feller-ache away. I shant do
muffin more for yer; dis chile can stan it as
long as you kin, so ache away
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

pg It's a good sign to see the color Ofhealth
in mans face; it's a bad sign to see it all
contracted in his nose. ..
It'sa good sign to see an honest man wear
ing old clothes; it's bad sign to see them
filling holes in his windows.
It's a good sign to see woman dressed
with taste and neatness; it's bad sigu to
sec her husband sued for her feathers and
foolery, gems and jewelry.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

b9~ "John," quoth the gentle Julia to her
sleepy lord. one warm morning, at late
hour, 81 wish you'd take pattern by the
thermometer"
GAS how?" murmured her worser half,
opening his optics.
"Why-by rising."
"H'm-I wish you would initiate that
other fzamugig that hangs up by 1.-THE ba-
rometer."
"Why so?"
"Cause then you'd let me know when a
storms coming"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

A NOVEL IDEA.-A few evenings ago,
some ladies were in conversation, and, as
usual, the subject of ladies' dresses was
brought up and duly discussed. Said lady
No. l, "They have new fashion-the
steel-skirts have superseded the "hoops."
81 would not wear steel one" replied
her companion, 81 should be afraid of light
ming"
"Oh," said gentleman present, "that
can be very easily remedied-haue light
ming rod attached!
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

HAD HER THERE.-Two little girls, one
a daughter of clergyman and the other
parishioner, fell into angry dispute. To
mortify and spite her antagonist, the little
girl saw fit to remind her of her fathers we'll
known poverty, and intinated rather tartly
that had it not been for her fathers benevo-
lent interference, the poor minister would
have been in the work house. "Well, l
don't care" replied the other: elf it had
not been for my father yours would have been
in hell long ago."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
ENQUIRER OFFICE,

VHHHE Copnrtnershp heretofore existing under
4 the style of MILLER & MELTON, has been
dissolved by mutual consent. The Notes and -ic-
counts due the Office are in the hands OF JNO. L.
MILLER, who is fully authorized to settle the af-
fairs of the firm. AS it is desirable as well as
necessary to close up the Books, those who arc
indebted are requested to make settlement imme-
din.ely, either in person or by lOtter.
Having associated Mr.. JOSEPH II. BLACK
in partnership, all business transactions connect
ed with the paper will be conducted hereafter by
JNO. L. MILLER & co.
MILLER & MELTON.
Yorkyille, Feb 26. 1857.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

NOT BAD.-That was pretty fair joke
we heard the other day of one of our darkies
evading late ordinance of the Town Coun-
Gil in regard to dogs following negroes. The
patrol 'met up with him on Sunday and re-
quired his ''pass" which we promptly deliv-
cred over for inspection. He was then about
to leave, when, one of the patrol casually en-
quired 'what budget that was he had upon
his back" With a cunning leer Of triumph,
Cuffee good humoredly replied:
"He, he, massa; its dis nigger's dog
You white folks, wild boss Feb. Nichols as
'tendant, make de law, bout niger lettin'
dog foller i'm; but you never say nuthin'
bout niger totin' dog" And he went on
his way rejoicing.-Edgefela Adocrtiser.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

L1NDLEY MURRAY.-Tt is not generally
known that this prince of English Gram
marians' was an American, and born within
the present limits of Lebanon county, Penn
sylvania. He was born in the year 1745, on
the Swatara, in East Hanovre township,
then Lancaster, now Lincoln county. His
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16
THEILLUSTRATED EDITION OF
IfV[TG'S Lite 0F WASHINGTON.

a. P. PUTNAM & co will commence in few
VI. days n new edition of this great work in
Semi monthly parts. Price 25 cents each.
Each volume will consist of 4 parts, handsome
ly printed in imperial octave. The whole work
will be illustrated by about so superior Engra-
wings on steel, including Portraits and Original
Historical Designs by eminent artists. With.nu-
merous Wood Cuts and Maps. Each part will
contain at least 80 pages and one engraving on
stcel-every other part will have two steel plates
TERMS OF PrDLIcAT1oN.-1. Each semi month
ly part containing above specified, % cts. pay
able on delivery.
2. All subscribers must engage to take the en-
tire work.
Among the Illustrations already engraved, or
nearly completed, are the following portraits ION
steeD:.-
Gen. Schuyler, Gen. Putnam, Gen. Arnold, Gen.
Green, Gen. Ward, Gen. Knox Gen. Montgomery,
Gen. St. Clair, Gen. Lord Sterling, Gen. Baron
Steuben, Gen. Lafayette, Gen. Count Pulaski,
Gen. Lincoln, Gen. Mercer, Gen. Charles Lee,
Gen. Henry Lee, Col. Moutre, Gen. Wayne, Gen.
Clinton, Robert Morris, Gen. Stark, Gen. Hamil-
ton, Gen. Gates, Gen. Glover Gen. Sir W. Howe,
Sir Henry Clinton, Lord CORVALLIS, Gen. Bur-
goyne.
Washington, from the picture by Peale; Wash
iugton, from the picture by Trumbull; Washing
ton, from the picture by Wurtmuller Washing
ton, from the picture by Stuart; Washington,
from the picture of Houdons Bust; Washington,
from the picture of Houdon's Statue; Washing
ton from the picture Of Browns Statue: Washing
ton from the original Profile; Mrs. Washington,
(early portrait); Mrs. Washington, from Stuart;
Miss Phillips, from original Picture.
ILLUSTRATIONS ON STEEL.
Historical Scenes, chiefly from original designs:
Site of Washington's Birthplace; Mount Vernon
three views Washington rs Surveyor: Wash
ngton at Fort Necessity; Washington surveying
the Dismal Swamp: Washington Mt Winchester;
Washington's Field Sports; Fortifying Bunker's
Hill; Fort Ticondcroga, Lake George; Fortifca-
tions at West Point, in 1880; Washin. ton quelling
a Riot-from contemporary Drawing; View of
New York. 17TG Announcement of1ndcpendence;
Battle Of Trenton: Battle of Germantown; Bat
tie of Monmouth; Braddock's Battle Field;
Washington going to Congress, &C., &c.
''Must always remain, par cminence, THE His
tory of the Father of his Country. "-Thk BM.
Y. Bit is intended that the illustrations in
this edition shall be worthy of the subject and of
the author. The best artists have been engaged
to make original drawings, and the most eminent
engravers arc secured.
No expense will be spared to make the engra-
wings creditablc to American art, and fully satis
factory to amateurs Of fastidious taste.
BA. Agents and canyassers supplied on liber-
al terms The edition is published exclusively
for subscribers.
~ Country papers inserting this advertisement
will receive complete set Of the Illustrated Ed-
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

s9r Two Scotch gentlemen went to Ire
land to make tour, and to sec the natives.
One of them one drizzly day, bet the other
the price of their dinner and bottle of wine,
that the first Pat they found would be too
much for them. 4 diminutive fellow, with
an old frize coat and piece of a hat, was
trying to plow with pony under the shelter
of row of trees.
pat said our friend.
Yes, yer honor he replied.
IF the Devil were to come just now, which
of us three would he take?'
Sure, he'd take me, yer honor"
But why, Pat"
Cease he's sure of yer honors at any time. ,
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

The REcLUsE.--Julia--Now, Alfred,
dear, 1 must leave you. I am about to shut
myself out from the world.
Alfred-Why, in the name of goodness,
Julia, you are not thinking of retiring into
a convent? .... -
Julia-No, dear don't alarm yourself L
am only going to put on my new crlnollne
dress.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-04-16

To PROTECT HENS FROM EERMIN.-lt is
said that pennyroyal woven into their nests,
will perfectly and certainly protect hens
from the annoyance of vermin' Some poul-
try raisers make the nests entirely OF this
strong-sccntod herb. 49,. ...-.