Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1857-11-28

development Of my powers a. I grew to
womanhood, and waited for the time
when he could ask me to be his. own
dear little wife. I could not believe
him serious, AMI even when I saw that
his cheek grew pale and his lips quiv-
cred with emotion, I laughed at his pro-
posal as Jest. Unjust either laugh OF
weep, and would not encourage him by
any show Of sympathy; and though !
knew he must despise me for my heart
lessness, it was better SO, thought,
for he would feel pain at feeling his
love unrequited if he learned to scorn
its object.
"But, O! how bitterly I reproached
myself when he was gone for the blind
ness with which I had unconsciously
encouraged his delusive hopes! I had
never shed such bitter tears since /
stood beside my fathers grave as I
wept that night. Ihad even an absurd
idea of writing to him, accepting his
offer, and devoting my life to his hap
piness as an atonement for my uninten-
tional fault. Would not that have
been romantic? I thought, then, that
i: would be heroic. After such a
wretched night as only sentimental peo-
pie know, l fell asleep just at daybreak,
and awoke with the thought that by
following the resolution with which /
had gone to sleep, I should do him a
great wrong, for l could not so COM
pletely live lie all my life as to pre-
vent his seeing that my heart was not
in my duties, and being made miserable
by the discovery.
II think I suffered more from his
dis. ppointment than he, for he grada-
ally changed his quiet studious habits
for life of gaiety, and was soon a
leader in the ranks Of pleasure. But
he never scolded or petted me, or called
me little Bella as before, and used
to listen to the merry jests that flowed
so freely from his lips, and wonder if he
was really as happy as he seemed, or
whether men were, like ourselves, most
mirthful when most sad.
"Once, some months after his pro-
posal, I met him at brilliant assem-
blage Of the fashionable and gay, and
a lady, behind whose chair he was
standing, beekoned me to her, and as l
stood beside her moment in a position
to hide him from observation, he bent
down and pressed his lips to the hand
I had laid on the back Of his chair. l
started at the touch, and looking up,
met look that sent pang to my
heart and made me feel sad the re-
mainder of the evening, it was so full
of hopeless anguish. But he didn't
die of grief-not he. He married like
sensible man, and is leading the pro-
sy, um-drum, comfortable life of
married people in general.
"Then there was Fred Gordon /;
wild, impulsive, warm hearted Fred,
with noble qualities, and as many glar-
ing defects. He had two sisters sweet,
artless, brown eyed Fannie, and laugh
ing, -sunny-haired Eva. How I loved
them both, and Fred I regarded almost
as much, and with the same sisterly af-
lection. Judge then Of my dismay,
when Fannie, in her simple heartedness,
began to talk of how happy we would
be as sisters, and / found that he had
spoke to them for me, as his intended,
an l that our union was looked upon by
the family as certain.
ct ought to have known while I
and talked and danced, and
sung with him, where it would end, and
that when I praised him when he pleas
ed, or scolded when he leased me, his
vanity might draw more Aattering in
ferences from my words and actions
than they were intended to convoy but
l believe all young girls are fools, at
least know that I was one, and see no
reason for supposing myself an excep-
ton to the general rule.
"After Fannie's revelation / tried to
be very circumspect in all l said or did
to guard every look or word, and if
dossible to convince him that remain
ed Mr.. Gordon, most sincerely your
friend, but that Ihad no warmer senti-
ment to bestow, and thus to escape the
dreaded overture. But it needs must
come and ours was broken friendship.
The girls too seemed to look upon me
rs the destroyer of their brothers hap
piness, and though would gladly have
told them how little I had intended to
act the triaer, and how much l regret
led what had happened, they Stunned
Ill approaches to the subject and tho
[ still loved them as well as ever, II
vas forced to accept cold, formal
in return. I think that but
for the publicity such a course would
nave given the affair they would have
broken off their intimacy.
"Next came Harry Neal, who was
one Of the most worthy young men of
ny acquaintance, and thought my
word the gospel, and my will the law
No doubt it would have been q very
disposal Of my hand to have
given it to him, but I was not sensi-
BE young lady then, any more than
now, and as | had acquired sufficient
penetration from recent experience to
discover that he only wanted fayora-
BE opportunity to declare himself, II
,ontrived to quarrel with him in such q
way that he could only blame himself,
and then took care to avoid irving him