Nebraska advertiser., 1857-12-24
Fun and Facts.


If a cigar makes a man i'll, will che
root make Man-illa3
Love is like a cigar--the longer il
burns, the less il grows.
Why is praising children like oPiuml
Because it's laudanum :
Mock no man for his snub nose, for you
can never tell what may turn up.
"GoOd morning, Jones. How does the
world use yOu!' at uses me up, thank
you"
Why is coffee like an axe with dull
edgel Because itrequires to be ground
Why are our foreignrelations like our
butter vessels Because they are our
fur-l1in.
DR.. Franklin says "If man empties
his purse into his head, no one can take 1t
from him." .r -., .rr
Long words, like long dresses, fre-
quently hide something. wrong about the
understanding.
The young lady who caught "a gentle
mans eye, has returned 1t because it had
wee drop in it.
When has man a right-to scold his
wifeJ about his coffee! When he has
plenty of grounds.
Three things to be despised-a braw-
ler in workshop, fool in fine clothes,
and slanderer.
What is difference between woman
and mad dog? One wears hoops and
the other pants. Ir
Jones says of an ancient unmarried fe-
male, that she was fearfully and wonder
fully maid. It
A touch of real calamity cures the ina
ginary sorrows of those who make noun
tains of molehills.
Honesty. is aIterm formerly used in the
case of a man who paid for his newspa-
per and the coat on his back. 1aq
Why have chickens no future state p
Because they; have their necks- twirled
(next wOrld) in this,
Unpleasant frst-rate appetite and
nothing to eat. Quite as agreeable
plenty to eat and no appetite. 7a7
What animal has the greatest quantity
of brains. :! = The hog, of course, for he has
a "hogshead full"
Relatives are not necessarily Yourssbest
friends, but they cannot do US injury
without being enemies to themselves.
'Is that a lightning bug l' asked a
short-sighted lady. No, said the Miss,
"lt's Bag bug with lighted cigar"
, Some body says a wife should be like
| roasted lamb-tender, and nicely dressed.
Somebody adds, "and without sauce"
What is the difrerene between Henry
VIII and man in deep thought! One
was fat kind and the other is a thin
king.
: Ona young child being told that he
must be broken of bad habit, be actually
: replied ; "Papa, hadn't Ibetter be mem
e ded !'' r
Some one says of a certain congrega-
ton, that they pray on their knees on
! Sunday, and on their neighbors the rest
Of the week.
t Tom says, when they won't trust a
: fellow for his drink long enough for him
S to swallow it, he thinks credit Ieetle too
g short.
"What are you writing such large
hand for, PatE!'' "Why, YOU see that
my grandfather is dafe, and I'm writing
= a loud letter TO her -
: An old bachelor left a clearinghouse,
n in which were number of old maids, on
:. account Of the miserable fair set before
i him at table.
Z you've misrepresented me,'' said a
/ member of Parliament to reporter. "YOu
l. misrepresented your constituents still
i more" was the reply.
l. The happiest man in the world is the
one with Just wealth enough to keep him
in spirits, and just children enough tC
make him Industrious.
Let woman be decked with all thC
embellishments Of art and nature-yet, i
70 boldness is to be read in her face, j
y blots all the lines of beauty.
r. Ladies are like watches-pretty enough
t. to look at-sweet faces and delicate hand
I'd but somewhat difficult to regulate" whel
once. set "agoing."
A man came into a printing Office L
r beg paper, Because said he, ''w
II like to read newspapers very much, bu
our neighbOrs are all too stingy to TAX
one.
1t A Boston magazine proves that God !
not unconscious of the troubles in Wa
street, by quoting the words Of the Psalm
at ist, ''If | make my bed In hell, behold
hs Thou are there" p
N 81 say, mister,' said one Yankee /
~ 4. another, "hoY, came your eyes so crook
II II ed?" ''My eyesl Why, by sitting Be
:; tween two girls, and trying to make lov
u to both at the same time. fr
The best bank ever yet known is
ha nh Of oar rfb - ,o,-orf rofnSoa - ~,