South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1857-05-22
HINTS TO BACHELORS.
From -arthur's Home Maga:inc

| Ocrap ironl thc NOtc BOOK OF Laurie Todd,
on the subject Of matrimony, the blissful
estate of (which lie has tried for three times,
and each time it seems to his entire salts
faction. He says:
''In taking retrospect, while 1 sat in
my tent door in the cool of the day, I
thought, was to live my life over again,
would manage my treaty Of peace with
the tasses after the samc mode and form
which Ipursucd sixty years ago therefore,
my young friends, 1 will just describe the
process, and say unto thee, go and do
likewise When I emerged from the cot
tage wherein first drew breath, Gin Scot
land,) L looked on the daughters of men.
and saw that they were fair, and resolved
that as soon as could earn one shilling
sterling (22 cts.) per day, would enter
into partnership for life with one of those
beautiful articles.
"Wbat God makes beautiful it is for
man to admire. Pcrceiving by statistical
tables that the God of Nature sent about
the same number of men and women into
the world annually, thought it must be
His law that every man should have his
mate at once, and leave consequences and
provisions for the future to Him who hangs
Creation on his arm, and feeds her at his
board. 1t is sixty years since I ratified
that treaty of peace. love, and amity; and
never for one moment did repent it; nor
did | ever lack a loaf in the pantry, or
dollar in my purse. If God sent another
mouth, he always sent food to gil it. With
regard to courtshi PITS the easiest thing
IN the world love is the language of ma
ture the vcriest fool, if he can't pronounce,
can speak it with his eyes, and women are
nice interpreters. When first thinking of
these important affairs, resolved never to
spend an hour in private conversation with
any young woman till was determined OH
taking to myself a wife; and in the next
place, never to spend an hour with any
except she was the one, above all others,
whom wish to make wife On this
principle practised, and [ prospcred.-
There is nothing to be gained by dangling
after sensible woman for twelve month,
talking unmcaning stuff, words without
knowledge. You mistake the sex, if you
expect to gain their favor by this means;
while you think they arc laughing at your
small wit. they are smiling at your great
folly. If you wish to gain the esteem of a
sensible woman, (and let me tell you they
have more wit, in general, than half of the
men, you must speak to her in the words
of truth and sobcrness. After three or
four sittings Gas the portrait makers saw
tell her your intentions at once, like q man,
not like hlubbcring school-boy and if
there are seven ounces of common sense in
your carcass, she will be yours in a month,
and it you behave like a M n of sense while
you walk together by tho way, the honey
moon will never wanc, bu. grow brighter
and brighter. till you put i, at the las: inn
by the wayside-thc graz,
IN. b. Mine eyes fail, so 1 borrowed
my wte's young eyes to close the concern.
She is my third edition of the Book of
hlatrlmony-with improvements; buxom
Yankee lass, of forty-four summers. We
are three years and nine months married
with the honeymoon still in the ascendant.
1t you like the article, we will send you
more on other subjects G.. r."
We shall always be pleased to hear from
our aged correspondent, on any subject
In the New York Observer, a month or
two ago, the following communication ap-
peared, which we know will be read with
interest in connection with the above article:
"Mcn are fools, Dir. Printer, who are
continually grumbling about a miserable
world. l have seen as many years as most
men see in this world, (this day I enter,
my eighty-fifth year,) yet am not tired
Of the world, and if it SO will Heaven |
would live my life ovcl again, with all its
joys and sorrows. I think Jacob erred when
he told Pharaoh that few and evil had
been the days of his pilgrimage. Many and
good have been the days of my pilgrimage.
In my !22d year left my fathers house.
Prior to this, had not been twenty miles
from the cottage Oh Heather Hills, in
Scotland, where I was born. landed in
New York in 1894, not having friend in
the country to counsel or direct. A kind
Providence led me to tho shop of an en-
ployer, who, with an only workman, re-
membered the Sabbath day. Thus was
kept from the path of the destroyer
From 1895 till 1922, the yellow fever
prevailed seventeen summers. I never left
the city. I nursed among the sick. Yet
neither myself, my wife, nor any of my
ten children ever caught the prevailing
uiSeaSc. II Is Sl&ty-tnTec years and SIX
months since first saw Now York. In
all that period l have only been ten days
confined TO the house by sickness. 1 have
shared in the trials Of life, and vicissitudes
Of business, but never gricved for losses in
trade. When draft from the South for
$500 came back protested, l rejoiccd be-
cause it was not thousand. III bruised
my arm, 1 thanked God it was not my
neck. In times Of trouble, if we look
around, we will see millions in worse
condition than ourselves. Therefore we
ought to be thankful. Incver felt rheu-
matte pain. I walk without staff sleep
without rocking, aud eat my food without
the help of brandy or bittcrs.
"Here, Gin New Haven,) the Sabbath is
remembered and kept holy. Except when
an aged worshippor is carried to church,
you never hear the sound Of a rolling wheel
1t reminds me of the quiet Sabbaths spent
on tho Heather Hills of Scotland, eighty
years ago. Mine eyes and ears fail. but
this defect is greatly mitigatcd by borrow
ing the young eyes Of my partner for life
Sho ia nm cxce1lent roodor a, ,,.o~ - ,.,,,