The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-05-16

meant BY ssfOrm.o At last, old w. DIM
Turner, who had been Justice Otthe Peace
in. Georgia,. with . bright countenance, and
Nv wink, as much as to say. "Look at
mr, boys-I understand thing or two"
wrote The verdict and returned to the Court
House. tine after another, they filed in,
old Jim In the lead, and took their Seats
odd Jim handed the verdict to the clerk,
with anxious pomposity, and sat down
Judge Of the laughter, when the clerk read
/ the following.
Ne, ne jstry, pasillanimously find hss
deteadast gully in the sum Of dollar,
l-3 IN favor Of the hog.
SHORT PATENT SERMON.
In poem called the ssDeserted Village"
hy0liver Goldsmith, page, according
to the size Of the print, my text may be
found: +.
And sun they gaxed and still he wonder grew.
That gue small head could carry a! be kaew!
My HEARERs:-Our text, as you may
know, has reference to the diminutive caput
Of country school-master, which became
the admirable wonder and establishment OF
all the little Popinjays BY whom he was sur
rounded. 1t was, indeed, marvel to them
how 20 email knowledge-box could possi-
bly, contain such an astonishing amount OF
verbs, adiectiyes, nouns and figures, and not
burst like an overcharged feld-piece. As
the great solar light Of a miniature world.
he no doubt c,nsidered his own head Us a
prize pulnpkin--himself as fortunate won
dcr--an emperor Of decree Of Providence
With mob worthy Of being ranked as one
of the seven wonders Of the world," and
with hand remarkable for the execution
Of summary justice, he might well exclaim:
"Frsm the center alto the wall.
am ioid VI the iosi ana he ofute!"
Ny BRErHREN:-It is indeed remarkable
what an enormous quantity human noodle
not bigger than summer squash can, some-
times, be made to hold. A case in point
There was once man who pitched his tent
upon the other side Of Jordan. He was the
proprietor Of small head, geographically
speaking, but full of elephanune ideas. Re-
tire from the busy hum and hustle OF city
life, he communed with thought and
thought breeding books. Being addicted to
few words, and those not of the fatlest spe-
cies, many Of his country-folk guessed that
his mental meat-shop was but scantly sup
. piled, since so little escaped through his
oral oriice; while others, more closely in
specting THAI little, observed that it had the
''color," as you miners say up in the noun
.tains. Well, my friends, an accident hap
pened to this mortal on day: he shed his
immortality-as you and |, and the iinmor-
talauthor Of ssiliawatha" will be likely to
do in process Of time. To satisfy an idle
curiosity. his soulless Uranium underwent a
thorough exploration; and what do you
shink. brethren, was crammed into this lit
tie skplI? To wit: a copy of Webster's
Qu.rto Dictionary, complete: Matte Brunn's
Universal Geography; Rollins Ancient His
tory, 10 Il volumes; Paley's Moral Philoso-
,phy, lSmo.. bound in sheep; Josepheus, en-
tire, hog binding; Bunyan's Pilgrims
Progress, half-digested; Burke on the Sub
lime and Beautiful; Rice on the Ridiculous
and Hemely; DaboiPs Arithmetic, in perfect
order--igures being too stubborn facts for
digestion; several ponderous works upon
Astronomy, Natural Philosophy, Chemistry,
Law, Political Economy, and the occult
sciences. Yes, and ameng the rest were
discovered the DELIBERATIONS of New York
editor of your presumptuous preacher
Sermons. The conclusion arrived ut by the
Jury of inquest was, that said mortal came
10 lis death by congestion Of several tuns
Of facts, figures, philosophy, clammy liter
sture and patent sermons. knew another
man, who dwelt upon the opposite side Of
Jordan to the human with the little wonderful
head. He lived in a Bempous city, he went
to bis daily work in fine broadcloth, he
wore diamonds upon his shirt and fingers,
he carried in his hand a gold-headed cane,
and upon his shoulders monstrous globu-
lar protuberance, possessing the property Of
brass. The latter had hole in front, from
whence issued such an everlasting stream
of general information, that many Il simple
one looked upon him as rich in wisdom,
even beyond his own unb0unded conceit.--
Upon cartainday my brethren, the stream
from that mammoth reservoir Of knowledge
ceased to fow: it had dried up for ever
The bulky, and apparently ponderous con-
Germ was opened, and what do you imagine,
my dear friendf was found within? Nothing
at all but the yellow cover to copy Of Ned
Buntline's sMystcries and Miseries," and
the shriyeled-np skin Of solitary defunct
idea that had evidently died of starvation
in its meridian prime! D, brethren! there
10 no telling how much may be slowed into
diminutive head, nor how little into many
big one. But, in packing heads with wis.,
dom and useful knowledge, particular Or
der and system must be observed. fprop-
ssly packed, you will be much astonished ut
the quantity they are capable of containing,
- you would in stufhng q gumelastic trav-
cling bag with socks and shirt COLLARS
Children's heads, especially, should never
be crowded with miscellaneous duds. Let
knowledge, in small parcels, be carefully
nlaea0 therein and tn, 0nantitv increo cod