Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1857-02-12
Mass. of a Shote (Choate.)

shirt collars and bad chirography, and
who imagine goose tracks in ink to be
evidence of genious, should read the
following. 1t, of. course, refers to the
celebrated Massachusetts orator and
lawyer, the Hon. Rufus Choate-or, as
the Maine folks call him "Rumpus
Choate."
On the occasion of a meeting it be-
came necessary that a letter of declina-
ton should be publicly read, and the
chairman was called upon to fulfill the
Office. Chairman accordingly rose from
his seat, and thrust his hand into his
left hand pocket to find the letter.
Letter wasn't there. Chairman tried
the right-no go. Tried the coat tail
pockets-no success. Letter turned up
missing, Chairman stared at Secre-
tary, and Secretary, in turn, scrutini-
zed the countenance of the Vice Presi-
dent; no Choate manuscript to be found.
The next step was for the person towhom
it was addressed to go to his hotel, (Col,
Richard B. Jones, in Dock Street, and
hunt the letter. Col. Jones was as busy,
when his guest entered, as a muslrat at
high water, engaged in giving a Dutch
carpenter directions for making an orna-
mental cornice.
What's the matter, sir?' he asked as
the fat gent rushed into the saloon puff
ing like a porpoise; whats your hurry?
why, Colonel, I'm as mad as thun-
der; I've lost Rufus Choate's letter to
the Democratic meeting, and they're
waiting to hear it read
tAh, indeedI That's a pity remark
ed the Colonel, with his usual sympathy.
Where did you leave it last?'
We'll, the fact is, I don't know; but
I'm pretty sure 1 left it in my room
Have you looked there?'
Yes; but I can't find it
why, that's very strange. Nobody
has entered your room since you left
Suppose you go up and take another
look 2
The fat gentleman acquiesced, and
they assembled the stairs together when
fat gent espied a paper lying on the floor,
which he declared to be the missing do
cument. This he seized, and hurried up
to the State House, where the meeting
was in, session. He entered; and, as the
audience were on the climacteric of ex-
pectancy to know what Mr.. Choates'
sympathies were, fat gents appearance,
red as a lobster in a new suit of vermill-
ion, with a paper in his hand, produced
a round of applause.
Fat gentleman subsidized into a chair.
and wiped his face with a square yard of
cembric, while Secretary adjusted his
spectacles and necktie, pulled up his shirt
collar precisely threc-quarters ofan inch
higher, and then unfolded the document.
When he did so he blushed scarlet, ra-
turned paper to fat gent, and sat down.
Audience began to hiss, while fat gent
soon saw that, in stead ofthe Choate letter,
he had brought with him, by mistake, an
architectural design, The house then
went into an uproar. AS it was too late
to read the letter, while the Secretary
stated the facts ofthe case, our Fat friend
returned to Colonel Jones, to enlist his
sympathy. While the Colonel was thus
listeningt to his chubby friends narrative,
in comes a dutch carpenter, with a planned
board under his arm, sawed in angles in
Vulnerable. Dutchy looked irate and as
a matter of course, his employer wished
oSknow why.
Why Chones, I shust give up dis chob
and has noting more to do NIT it-dat
ish all!'
why not?' was the surprised reioinder.
Yes, why not?' added fat gent, quite
interested in the mans manner.
well, because it takes to much shtuf,
and too much wotk; und [ loosh money
on it pesides.'
why, you get all you ask, don't you?,
in quired the Colonel.
Yes; but you tell me dat dc diagram
was plain, and you sends me one what is
different every ten foot; und ash hard to
make as. tertuyfeH'
why, that's odd!' says the Colonel,
Let's look at It.
Dere, by tonder!' said Dutchy, pro-
ducing the paper and spreading it on
the table. fShoost dell me how you drinks
l make dat for six dollars!'
The deuce!' exclaimed the Colonel,
with emphasis.
sGeod gracious!' saidthe fat gentleman
'Ae's6een making a cornice Gy that Choate
Such was, the case. The carpenter Ga
newly arrived Leipsigner) had, by some
mistake, got hold of the fat gentleman's
treasure, and supposing it to be the Colo
ncl's draft ola tam Yankee cornice, had
f~aithfullyen deavored to saw u a pat
tern.
Itwas a most unexampled case Of
perseverance undor extreme difficulties,
as Col Choate's manuscript looks very
much like a Virginia worm fence must
appear to a gentleman upon a hard spree
~A Boston trader called at &
country farm house some time ago to
buy cheese, but when he came to look
at the lot he concluded not to take it, il
was so full of shippers. As he was go
ing of, the farmer said to him, look
here, mister, how can I get my cheese
down to Boston the cheapest
lFhe'trader took another look at it, and
seeing more and more evidence of its
being alive, replied:
swell let it be a day or two longer,
and I guess you can drive 1t right
doarn g'
.BS=A railroad conductor having in
shifted q Iadv nasSnnUar she said indip-