Southern sentinel. [volume] (Plaquemine, Parish of Iberville [La.]) 1848-1858, 1857-08-29
How SUIT. Lovengood Exploded.
HIS Experience 0ith Soda Powders.

Well wun day cussed, d~eceivin, palavetin,
stlnkin Yankee pedlar, all jack.knife an jaw,
cum to ole man Burnses, with a load ov apple
paflns, callicker, ribbins, jewsharps. an S o "
po d ers. Now, mind Id never hern tell oy
that truck, afore, an ] be burned ef | don't want
it to be the last-wus nor rifle powder-wus
nor perkussion-three times as smart, and
hurts wus, heap wus. Durn him. Durn all
Yankee pedlars, and durn their priacipils and
practisis, | say, | wish | had all the sody pow
der they ever made in his cussed paunch. an a
slow match fixed tu him, an | had a chunk ov
fire, the Teller what found a peace ov him big
enuf tn feed a cockroach ought to be King ov
the Sultun's harem a thousand years for his
luck. They amt human, no how. The mint
at Filadelfy is thar Heaven: they think their
God eats half dimes fur breakfast, hashes the
leavIns fur dinner, and swallers o cent an a
dried april for supper, sets on q stampin ma
chine fur a throne, sleaps on crib full of hat
dollars, and measures men like money by count.
They haint one ov them got a soaI but what
kud dance a jig in a kabbage seed, an leave
room fur the fiddler.
well, Sicily she bought a tin box ov the
sody from him, an bid it away from her folks,
a saVin it for me. happen to pass next day;
ov cours | stopped 10 enjoy a look at the
tempter, an she wur mighty luvin to me, put
wun arm round my neck, an tother wun whar
the circingIe goes roun a boss, tux the 'inturn
on me with her left foot and gin me a kiss.
Say she, 'Sutty, love, I've got somethin fur We,
a new sensashun'-an | believed it, for / begun
tu feel it aready. My toes felt like little min
ners war a nibiin at em--a cold streak run up
and down my back like a lizard with a turkey
hen arter him in settin time, my heart felt hot
and dissatisfied like, an then I'd a cut ole Souls
throat, eff she'd limited at needsisity fur sich an
operashun. Then she poured ten or twelve
blue papers ov the sody inter big tumbler, and
| about the same number ov white wuns inter
luther tumbler, an put nj onto a pint ov water
on both ov them, az stirred EN- both up with a
case knife, lookin as solemn as a ole iackas
ina snow storm when the folders all gin out.
She hilt wun while she told me to drink luther.
| swallowed it at wun run-tasted salty like, |
thot it war part of the sensashnn. But | wur
mistakened, all ov the cussed Internal sensashun
wur to cum, and it wurn't long at it, boss,
you'd believe me. Then she gin me luther
tumbler, and | sent it after the fust, race boss
fashion.
In about wun moment an hat I thot I'd
swallered a thrashin machine in full blast, ur a
cupple ov bull dogs, and they had sot inter
ftin. | seed that wur cotched agin-same
family disposition to make cusSed fools Ov
themselves every chance-so | broke for nv
boss. ! stole a look back an thar Sicily lay on
her back in the porch, a screemin with latin,
her heels up in the air. a kickin ov EN- together
like she wur a tryin tn kick her slippers Off
But | had no time tn look then, and thar wur
a road ov foam frum the nous tn the boss two
foot wide an four inches deep looked like it
had been a snowin-poppin, an a hissen, an a
biin, like a tub ov bot soap suds, ] he'd gelhered
a cherry tree limb as | run, an lit asstradle ov
my boss, a whippin an a kickin like mad
This, with the scarey noises | made, (fur | wur
a whislin, an a hissin, and q sputteFin, outer
mouth, nose an eyes, like a steam engine,0 sot
him a rearin and ~cavortin like he was skeered
out ov his senses. Well, he went. The foam
rolled, an the ole black boss few. He jist
mizzled-scared nj tn death. and so wur /. So
we agreed on the pint ov the greatest distance
in the smallest tiGe.
4 aimed fur Doctur Goodman's at the
Hiwassee Copper Mines, tu get somethin tn
stop the explosbun in my inards. | met a
%cercuit rider on his travels towards a fried
chicken an a hat full ov ball biskits. As cum
a tarin along he hilt up his hands like he wanted
ltu pray fur me, but as | preferred phisic tn
prayer, in my pecooliaF situwashun at that time,
list rolled along. He tuck a skeor as | cum
hi On tn him, his faith gin out. an he lodged
boss, saddilbags, ansovereoat, inter a thicket jist
ike you've seed a terpin take water ofen a log
when a tarin big steamboat Gums along. AS
lie passed ole man Burns, Sicily hailed him,
md axed him if he'd met enybody in a hurry
gwine up the road. The poor man thought
perhaps he did an perhaps he didn't, but he'd
seen a site, nv a spook, Nv a ghost, NV ole
Beelzebub himself, ur the komit, he didn't
l~adzactly know which, but takin all things tuge4
Ither an the short time he'd for preparashun, he
thought be met a crazy, long-legged shakin
Quaker, a feein from the wrath tn cum, on a
back an white spotted boss, a whippin ov him
with big brush, an he he'd a white beard what
Gun frum nj unto his eyes to the pummil ov
thesaddii, an then fofked an went tn his knees,
an hen snmtimes drapped in punches as big as
crows nest tn the ground, an heaFn a sound
like rushin oV nifty waters, an he wur mitily
exercised about it enyhow. Well, | guess he
wur, ind so wur bis fat boss, an wur ole
blackey, wust exercised os al ov en- wur /,
myself. Now, George, all tbs beard an spots
on the boss, an steam, an FIRE, an snow, an
wire tailA Is ouddacious humbng. 1t al cum
outen mn inards. droppin out ov my mouth
without CIV vomium or effort, an eff it hadn't
I'd a hustet inter alore pieces than thar isaigs
in a big ofish, The Lovengoods are all
confornded bols, an dad amt the wust oy en-
r7Tha Eh,mshin VanaorhiIt r,bieb laft