Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1857-08-13
The trick I played upon my wife and my
Aunt


Aunt.
had an aunt coming to visit me, for the FRA
time since my marriage. and don't know what
evil genius prompted the wickednessQ acknowl.
edge with tears in my eyes that il was such)
which perpesrated towards my wife and my
ancient relative.
My DEAR said to my wife, ON the day be.
fore my aunt's arrival, you know Aunt Mary 10
coming tomorrow well, forgot to mention a
rather annoying circumstance with regard to her.
She very deaf, and although she can hear my
voice, TO which she is accustomed, in its oYdin-
airy tones, yet you will be obliged to speak ex.
tremely loud in order to be heard. IL will be
rather inconvenient, but know you win do
everything in your power to make her stay
agreeable.
Mrs. S. announced her determination TO make
herself heard if possible.
then went to John Thomas, who loves q
joke as well as any person know of, told him
to be at my house at p. NJ, on the following
evening, and felt comparatively happy.
l went to the railroad station with carriage
the next evening. and when was on my way
home with my aunt. said My dear aunt,
there is one rather annoying infirmity that
Amelia has, which forgot to mention before
She's very deaf; and although she can hear my
voice to which she is accustomed, in its ordinary
tones, yet you would be obliged to speak extreme
y loud in order to be heard I'm sorry for It,
WAunt Mary in the goodness of her heart pro.
tested that she rather liked speaking loud, and
to do SO would give her great pleasure.
The carriage drove UPON the steps was my
wife-at the window was John Thomas, with
face as utterly solemn as if he had buried all his
relatives that afternoon.
l handed out my aunt--she assembled the
steps.
i am delighted to see you, shrieked my wife,
and the policeman on the other side of the
CT roe az ad mos mt fol tha
steps
Kiss me, my dear howled my aunt and the
hall lamp clattered. and the windows shook AZ
with the fever and ague. looked at the win
dow-John had disappeared Human nature
could stand it no longer poked my head
into the carriage, and went into strong convul.
sions.
When entered the parior. my wife was help
ing Aunt Mary to take off her bonnet and Grape
and there sat John with face Of woe.
Suddenly, Did you have pleasant journey7'
went off my wife like pistol, and John Thomas
jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty was the response, warhoop.
and so the conversation continued.
The nei4lbors for streets around must have
heard it; when was in the third story of the
building heard every word plainly.
In the course Of the evening, my aunt took
occasion to say to me, How loud your wife
speaks Don't it hurt her.
/ told her all deaf persons talked loudly, and
that my wife, being used TO it, was not affected
by the exertion and that Aunt Mary was getting
along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said softly, All how very
loudly your aunt talks
Yes, said /, all deaf persons do. Your get
ting along with her finely; she hears every word
you say And rather think she did.
Elsted at their success of being understood,
they went at it hammer and tongs, till everything
on the mantle. piece clatterad again, and i was
seriously afraid Of crowd collecting in front Of
the house.
But the end was near. My aunt being of an
investigating turn Of mind, was DESTROYS of find
ing out whether the exertion of talking SO loud
was not injurious to my wife. So said she, in
steal as it was when she was young, 'Dosen't
talking so loud strain your lungs
1t is an exertion,' shrieked my wife.
Then why do you do lit was the answering
scream.
'Because-becsuse-you can't hear if DON'T
squealed my wife.
What = said my aunt, fairly rivaling q rail-
road whistle this time.
l began to think it time to evacuate the pre-
misses; and looking round and seeing John gone.
stepped into the back parlor, and there he lay
fat on his back, with his feet at right angle to
his body rolling from side to side, with his fists
pOked into his ribs and most agonizing express
sion of circumference, but not uttering sound. I
Immediately and involuntarily assumed similar
attitude, and think that from the relative posi-
ton of our boots and heads, and our attempts to
restrain our laughter, apoplexy must have en-
sued, if a horrible groan, which John gave vent
to in his endeavor to repress his visibility, had
not betrayed our hiding-place.
In rushed my wife and my aunt, who by this
time comprehended the joke, and such scold-
ing as then got, never got before, and hope
never to get again.
know not what the end would have been, if
John, in his endeavors to appear respectful and
sympathetic, had not given vent to such diabol-
ical noise, something between a groan and q
horse-laagh, that all gravity was upset, and we
screamed in concert.