Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1857-02-05
MATRIMONIAL MISERY.

we commend the following commu-
nication of a fair correspondent to the
attention of the old and young, of both
some for ediication to others
reproof:
A correspondent of one of your CO.
temporaries having treated this subject
in a powerful, but, as 1 deem, one sided
manner, 1 propose, to offer my views in
relation to the matter.
Admitting the general fact that very
many, if not the majority of marriages
arc unhappy, We dispute the proposition
thatthis unhappincss is usually the cause
of. the husband; and most women are,
when first married, soft, pliable creatures
to be moulded to good or i'll by the mas
ter hand Of the husband, and that most
men, by their bad treatment, pervert the
nature of their wives, and thus intro
duceldomestic discord. The fact is, that
both are partly to blame, and society
more than either. Marriages are IN
happy because neither men or women
are so educated as to make It otherwise.
Among the causes of this unhappiness
may be rcckoned the haste with which
L4OH 10 opO1L
the man led blindly on by his feelings,
and the woman snatching at the Offer
lest she may never get another, without
the least regard to fitness, affection, OF
any other worthy motive. In such mar
riages, the love which is all on one side
that of the husband-soon diesSaway;
and when the ardor of the honeymoon
is over, the wife must be content with
ciyility in public and Indifference in pri-
vate, for the rest of her life. Verify,
she gets her reward, and has no right to
complain.
Another source of matrimonial happi-
ness is the fact that people generally do
not marry young enough. Men are de-
tered by an exaggerated idea of the
expenses of maintaining a family, and
women postpone it until they can ''bct-
ter themselves" p~ecuniarily. The for
drinking and dissipation, and the latter
fritter away their affections in idle fir
tations. How can we expect a man who
has forgotten, if he wei felt it, the re-
spect inspired by the gentle virtues of Il
mother or a sister; who has carefully
avoided the refining influences of virtu-
oas female society, and lost by unworthy
association the power of approaching it;
and who is incapable of enjoying any
pleasures but those of the grossest sort,
to resign his precious liberty, forcgo his
cherished amusements, and in short to
sacrifice his selfshness on the altar Of
domestic happiness? And how can We
expect a young lady fed on fattery, ac-
eomplished in ignorance, doating on
.jenolry, despising work as degrading,
unable to comb her own hair, and re
gardiug man as a gold producing-ma-
chine, to give up her accustomed graft
fications, and occupy herself with the
petty details of housekeeping? No we
cannot gather grapes of thorns nor figs
of thistles.'
The notion that it is imprudent for
very young persons to marry, is totally
fallacious. Experience has proved this
in innumerable cases. AS soon as a
young man is able to support himself,
he is able to support a wife, and the
sooner he takes one the better. Let
him select a sensible young woman.
suited to himself in age, disposition and
circumstances, win her and marry her;
and if they are not happy nothing on
earth could make them so. One in
stance: Edward married at twenty-one
the girl of his choice, Maria. He was a
poor clerk; she had no dowry but good
sense and a loving heart, They com
menced housekeeping on the humblest
scale; but love and the sunny cheerful
ness of youth enriched poverty itself.
while the grace and ~neatness Of the wife
threw a halo of refinement around their
humble home. Industry and frugality
which never descended to meanness
increased their worldly goods, until By
degrees they rsse to afiuence. After
fifteen years of wedlock, their affection
is as warm as it was in the flush of youth
and the husband prizes the kiss which
sweeteus his departure, and the smile
which welcomes his return, as highly a:
when they were bestowed by the blush
ing bride. =
Such might have been the history O
hundreds of surly, selfish old bachelors
and sour, snappish old maids, if they hac
only been more wise and less prudent
Such might have been the history O.
hundreds of jarring couples, if, instead
of waiting fer a noontide sky and freigh'
they had, with suitable partners, launch
ed their bark on the unknown sea o
Matrimony, in the morning Of life, will
love for a cargo and hope for a helm.
Another cause of matrimonial unhap
piness among people who are moderate
y attached, and might have been mod
erately happy if they did not expect too
much of each other, is the fact tina.
wives are too exacting. They dom
know what is best for them when they
insist upon hearing exactly what detain.
ed the husband beyond the usual time
1t is perhaps much more conducive tt
their happiness not to know. When q
husband returns in the evening or al
night, fatigued with business or pleasure
he does not feel disposed to entertain
himself by "~conGding" to his wife. L
it were necessary to cnlighten her, nc
doubt he would do so; and when he
volunteers no information about his bu.
siness, her wisest course is not to task
his invention by asking him questions
In order that the matrimonial machine
ebo,,1l rrorL rall II &c oaooccorv tho Al