The River Falls journal. (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1857-1861, 1857-07-29
O Z II OLIO.

In polite phraseology cradles are term
ed matrimonial baskets.
THOSE who abandon n friend for sin
gle error know but little of the human
character.
We should do our utmost to encour-
age the beautiful, for the useful cncour-
ages itself.
THE sieve through which the man
strained every nerve is for sale at less
than first cost.
HAPPINESS is perfume that one can
not she'd over another, without a few drops
being shed over himself.
WHAT agricultural labor did Adam
and Eve perform when expelled from
Eden! They raised CAIN.
Why are there three objections to ia
king a glass of brandy? Kaze there are
three scruples to dram.
AMONG the advertisements in late
paper, we read that ''Two sisters Uaat
scashing. Wonder if they are the only
two.
THERE is often in the heart some innate
image of the beings we are to love that
lends to our first sight of them almost an
air of recognition.
A person pretending to have seen a
ghost, was asked what the apparition
said to him. GLOW should | know 2" he
replied, 81 am not skilled in the dead lam
guages".
"JoHN," said doting mother to her
rather Unsuitable boy, can you eat that
pudding with impunity!' Il don't know
ma" replied the young hopeful, "but I
guess | can with spoon"
"MY dear Polly, am surprised at your
taste In wearing another woman's hair on
your head" said Mr.. Saith to his wife,
my dear Joe, L am equally astonished
that you persistin wearing another sleeps
wool on your back"
IT is rumored that the last and great
est curiosity of the age has just been re-
ceived at the Boston Museum. 1t is the
gun with which the question is popped.
y large supply will soon be manufactur-
cd for the use of bashful young men.
MINT juleps were invented, it is said.
by Virginia editor, who having kissed a
pretty girl after she had eaten some mint
was SO intoxicated with pleasure, that he
devoted several months to attempting to
produce an article which would recall the
original as wildly as possible.
Jones (who thinks that Smith has been
little too free with his wife)-Mr Smith,
l wish to speak to you privately. Permit
mo to take you apart for few minutes
SMITH (who isn't in the least frightened)-
Certainly, sir, if you'll promise to put me
together again.
AN Eastern paper publishes notice
of the marriage of couple respectively
eighty three and eighty two years old and
says;
1--WE have often met with the express
ion "a green old age but have never seen
SO striking an example of such state as
this must have been.
IL wish YOU would not smoke cigars, ,
said plump, little black-eyed girl to her
lover.
"Why may | not smoke rs well as
your chimney!"
'But chilnneys do not smoke when they
are in good order" lie quit smoking.
THE best and most conclusive reason
for an effect that We remember ever to
have heard, was given by Dutchman,
In reply to friend who remarked
"Why, Hans, you have the most fem
mime cast of countenanee ever saw,
"Oh, yaw." was the reply, II know de
reason for dat-my mother vas woman"
A Western editor and his wife were
walking out in the bright moonlight one
evening. The wife was of an excellent
poctical nature, and said to her mate
Notice that moon-how bright, and calm
ANU Apuiuu tllllk OF no.
tieiug it." returned the editor, ..for less
than the usual rates-a dollar and fifty
cents for twelve lines"
A bevy of little children were TELLING
their father what they got at school. .
The eldest got reading, spelling and
definitions. .sAnd what do YOU ret. nv
little one!" said tho father to rosy-
checked little fellow, who was silly driving
a ten-penny hail into the door panel. .
"Me? Oh, | gets readin'. spellin', and
spankin's."
AT railway station an old lady said
to very pompous-looking gentleman.
who was talking about steam commune
cation, ''Pray sir, what is steam "Steam.
ma'am, is, ah.-steam is-ehl alb -
steam is-steam,,' Il knew that chan
couldn't tell We" said rough-looking fell
low, standing by; shut steam is bucket
of water in Tremendous pcrspiraten.