The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-07-11
From the Nashville Union and American
sur LOvEN0OODeS SHIRT.

From the Nashville Union and American.
sur rLOvENoOODrs SHIRT.
j Br s,,.L. OF TENN.
1 The frs. one l met was Sut' latter cross
ing the Hlawasse,) weaving along in hi
usual rambling, uncertain gait; his appear
ance at once satisfied me that somethin.
was wrong. He had been sick, whipped il
q free fight, or was just outgrowing one o.
his big drunks. But upon this point wa
very soon to be enlightened.
Why, Sut, what's wrong now:' -.
Heaps wrongs; durn my skin ef hahn
most dead. Lite of that ar hoss, George
4 an take horn, while take two, shaking
| that everlasting flask Of his at mel an plan
yerself on that ar log, am I'll tell ye ef
ken but its most beyond tellin.' reckof
Fm the darndest fool out an Utaw, scep1
my dad, for he acted boss. an haint dur
that yet-allers in some trap that caden
ketch sheep. FL drown'd myself sun
day, see ef don't just to stop family dis.
| persition to make big fools Of themselves
'How is it Sut, have YOU been beat play.
ing cards, or drinking which is it p
Mary one; that can't be did in these parts;
bu, seeiu' it's you, George, I'll tell you; but
swear Pm 'shamcd--sick-sorry
mad, am l... .. .rga
'Ye know boards with Bill Carr at his
cabin on the mountain, an pays for sich as
| gets when | hev money, am when hav'ni
eny, why he takes one third w it outen me
in cussin, and she, that's his wife Belts,
takes out tother twu-thirds with the battlin'
stick, and the intrust with her tung, and the
iutrust's MORN the prineip'l-heap more.
She's the cussede>t 'oman ever seed eny-
how fur jaw and pride. She can scold a
blister in bulls face rite on the curl in
two minits. She patterns arter ev'ry fashun
she hears tell on, from bussils to briches.
Oh! she's one of 'em, and sometimes she's
two or three. Well, you see, I'D got some
home made cotton truck to make new shut
outen, and coaxed Belts tu make it, and
about the time it wur done, here come Law
yer johnson along an axed for breakfus-
| wish it had pie eined him, durn his hide, an
| wonder it diden't for she cooks awful
mixlngs when she trys. Pm pizen proof
myself, (holding up his flask and peeplng
through it,) ur I'D been ded long ago.
|. well, while we were eatin' she spied out
that his shut was stiff an nifty slick so
she never rested till she worm'd it outen
him that preparation NV flour did 1t, and
She got u few particulars about the per-
seeding too, outen him by 'oman's art
don't know how she did it, perhaps he does.
Arter he left, she sot in and billed big pot
of paste, nigh unto n peck oveit, an souzed
i'll my shut an let il soke awhile; then she
tuck it an ironed it ont hat an dry, an set
it up on its edge agIn the cabin in the sun.
There 1t stood rs stiff rs u dry hoss hide, an
it ratified like sheet iron, 1t war pasted to-
gether all over. When cum to dinner,
nuthin' would do but must put it on. Well
Bets an me got the thing open after some
hard work, she pulling at one OF the tails
an me at luther, an got into it. felt
like I'D crawled inter an old bee gum an it
full of pisants; but. it wur like Lawyer
Johnson's an stuck to it like man, am
went to work to bid Bets an ash-hopper.
worked powerful hard an swet like n
hoss, am when the shut got wet it quit It's
hurtin'. Arter got dun, TUX about four
fingers of red head and crawled up intu the
cabin loft to take snuze.
well when walked up tho't was ded
or had tho cholery, for all the jints l cud
cudn't even muvc my head an skascly wink
my eyes--thc cussed shut wur pasted fast
onto me all over from the pint owe the tails
tn the pint owe the broadaxe collars over
my years. Ii sot tn me as clost AS IA poor
COW dus her hide in march. squlrm'd an
strain'd till got it sorter broke at the
shoulders an elbows, an then dun the
durndest fool thing ever did in thesemoun-
tains. | shulled my britches Off and tore
luse from my hide about two inches owe the
tail all round, in much pain and trlbulation.
Oh! but 1t did hurt. Then tux up a
plank outen the loft am hung my legs down
thru the hole am nailed the aldge owe the
front tail tn the aidge of the moor before,
an the hind tail nailed tu the plank what
sot on. Ionbuttoncd the collar and rist-
bands, raised my hands way up abuv my he'd
shut up my eyes, said grace, and jumpt thru
tn the ground floor.
Here Sut rumlnated sadly.
George lm durnder fool than ever dad
was, hoss hornets, and all. I'll drown'd
myself sum owe these days, sec ef | don't
well, go on, Sut; did the shirt come of?
I-t-h-l-n-k-lt | hern
a noise sorter like tarin' a shinglc ruff off
owe house, all at onst, an felt like my
bones war all that reached the moor.
staggered tu my feet and tuck Il look up at
the shut. The nails had all hit their holt,
an thar it wur hangin' arms down, inside
out, an as stiff as over. 1t looked ike
map owe Mexico jist arter one owe the worst
battIcs--a patch Of my hide about the size
owe dollar an a half bill here; u bunch
owe III har about the size owe a birds nest
thar; then sum more skin: then sum paste;
then little more har; then heap owe skin.
then more har; then skin, an so on all over
that burned new tangled, everlastin' intern
al cuss owe a shut. 1t wur n picture to look
at--dn' so were L. The hide, hair, an paste
were abouut ekeally devided atween me and
it. Wonder what Belts, durn her tho't when
she cum home an found me missin'. Spect
she thinks crawled intu the thickct an
died owe my wounds. 1t must av skared
her good, fur tell you it looked like the
SKIN owe sum wild beast torn off alive, or a
bag what had kerried load fresh beef
from shootln' match.
Now, GEORGE, ef ever ketch that Law
yer Johnson out, III shoot him, an ct ever
an oman talks about sat'nin shut for me
again. durn my everiastn' picter ef don't
uatten her, Ms Il rit-rbutiun sartin, the
biggest Kind Of preachers regular rlt-ri-
button. Du you mind my drivin' owe dad
thru that hornets nest, and then racin' owe
him inter the kreek
.Yes.'
well, this is what Gums owe it. I'll
drown'd myself sum owe these days, see ef
| don't, ef don't die from tina, orful shut.
Take horn, and don't you ever dry sticky
as long as you live.
A Discovery.
Sauutering into the woods the other day