The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1857-10-13
HOW BEN PURrLE GOT HIS WIFE

Purtle. He was red haired and each hal
xtood as If il cherished the supremest con-
,erppt for its next neighbor. His face was
freckled as the most bespotted turky egg
Hi, nose, supported at the bridge, huge
bump. while the end turned vicIousiy' 10
one side. His mouth had every shape but
a pretty shape His form was uncouth as
his face was ugly. The very climax OF ug-
lipess was Ben Purtle-what was more
strange still, Ben had handsome oounc-
ing. blooming wife-such as can only De
grown upon a country farm.
How the duce,' said / to Ben one day
did you ever get such wife, you uncouth
ro;.sbanen, ouinte ssence of monstrosity!
Ben was not at all offended by the i'm
rertinence of my question, and forthwith
proceeded to solve the mystery thus:
We'll, now gals what's sensible amt
cotch by none of your purity faces and HI
faIutin airs I've seed that tried more n
once. You know Kate was alters consld-
cred the purtiest gal in these parts and all
the young fellers in the naborhood used to
try 70 cotch her. Well, / used to go over
to old Sammy's too, just to kinder look on
you know, and cast sleeps eyes at Kate
Rut Lord sakes! I had no more thought
that could got Kate than that Jerusa-
lem cricket could hide in the hair that
wasn't on old Sammy's bald head-no sir
rec But still, l couldn't keep going on
nv heart would kinder futter, and my ears
would burn all over, whenever go to talk
10 Kate. And one day when Kate sort"r
made fun of me like, it almost killed me-
sure. went home with somethin like
rock iostlin about in my breast, and swore
I'd hang myself with the fust Plow line
found
Did you hang yourselfr l asked.
No, daddy bl"zed out at me for not TAX
ing old Ball to the pasture in the morning
and scared me so bad forgot it.
Go on said /, seeing Ben pause with
apparent regret that he had not executed
his vow.
We'll, soon one Sunday morning-Q
reckon it was about year after that hang
ing scrape)-I got up and scrapod my face
with daddy's old razor, and put Oil my new
copp'rus britches and q new linsey coat
nanny had dyed with sassafrac bark, and
other fxens. and went over to uncle Sam
my's. Now, I'd got to loving Kate like all
creation, but I'd never cheaped to anybody
about my feelings. But knowed was on
the right side of the old folks
We'll, new, amt it quar-, continued Ben,
after slight pause. during which he rolled
his quid to a more convenient place in his
mouth, how a Teller will feel sometimes
Something seemed to say as went along,
Ben Purtle, this is great day for you,'
and then my heart jumped and huttered like
live jay bird in a trap. And when got
thar and seed Kate with her checked home
spun frock on. l rally thought should take
the blind staggers yhow.'
Ben paused again to brush the fog from
his eyes, and then continued:
We'll, found the order of the day was to
60 muscadine hunting. Joe Sharp and his
two sisters, and Jim B"los wos thar III
knowed a long time that Joe Sharp was
right after Kate. and hated him wus than
n hog hates to find the way out of a tater
patch; but didn't let on. Sharp had on
white britches and fine shoes, and broad
cloth coat, but everybody knowed he wasn't
worth red cent. He walked with Kate,
and you ought to a seen the airs he put on.
twas Miss Katy this and Miss Katy that
and all such nonsense. After a while we
came to a slough whar we had to cross on a
log-Id notion to pitch the sassy good for
nothing into the water
why didn't YOU asked sympatbzing
with the narrator.
Stop, never mind said Ben, giving me a
nudge. Providence done all that up brown
Nothing would do but Joe Sharp must lead
Miss Katy across first. He jumped on the
log in high glee, and took Hates hand and
off they put. Jist as they got half way
across, tarnation big bull frog jumped off
in the water-you know how they holler.-
'Snaker screamed the blasted fool, and
jumped back and knocked Kate off up to
her waist in the nasty, black, muddy water.
And what dye think he done! Why run
backerds and forerds a hollering for pole
20 help Kate out of the water. Kate looked
at me and l couldn't stand it no longer
Curchug lit ten foot from the bank at
the first jump. and had Kate out of thar in
nc time. And dye think the scamp didn't
come up after we'd got out, and say: AR
you hurt Miss Katy!'
Ny dander was up. I couldn't stand it.
cotch him by the seat of his white britches
and his coat collar and gin him toss May
be he didn't 60 clean under when he hit the
water. didn't see him out. Me and Kate
put out for the house. When we started off
Kate said:
Ben, jist let me hold on to your arm, my
knees feel sorter weak
Great JENNY felt so quar- when she
tuck hold. tried to say something nice,
but my drotted mouth wouldn't 60 off no
how. But 1 felt as strong as an elephant
and helped Kate along. Bimeby Kate said:
n kAat T