The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1857-06-03
The cambridge (Tennessee) Statesman :

The cambridge TENNESSEE Statesman an
nounces the marriage of Mr.. Ben. Huskey
Miss susanna Parker, both Of Sewer county
We learn from the Statesman that two expect
ant bridegrooms were in attendance at the au
spicous hour, each elate with the prospect Q
duplicating their existence. Itseems that th
fair decever had so wound herself into the al
fections of the two that when popping time
came round she was unable to assist, SO urgen
were they in their glorious cause. According
TO time set, both gentlemen were at the ap
pointed place, both anticipated the brillian
''good time coming" with apparent GOODNESS
The squire announced his readiness to tie the
desired knot BY dead your partner OUT on tho
fioor,' and, to the establishment of the assem-
bled lockers two grooms advanced with ca
gerness to grasp the fair hand OF the cruel.
hearted and bewitching creature. After Z
somewhat animated discussion, the two frus.
trated and almost Frustrated aspirants 70 matri-
monial honors, concluded to let the lady make
choice, il one she could effect, between the
two, which she soon accomplished. and was
married to the one she most admired. Verify
the course of true love will never run smooth.
They circulate some very slanderous stories
of the people of North Carolina, but the fol-
lowing of fellow who was imprisoned for hav-
inc the small number of thirteen wives, is the
most sanderous of all. Having made his es-
cape from Jail he was seen three or four days
afterwards by gentleman who recognised
him The gentleman, anxious to secure the
reward for his apprehension, invited him to his
house to dinner, and then syly slipped out in
pursuit of constable, but great was his horror
on bis return to find that the cuprit had alb
seconded with his own wife.
When the celebrated Joseph Lancaster was
in Washington he delivered a lecture in the
house of representatives from the speakers
chair, Mr.. Clay, then speaker, compIimented
him by saying that the chair had never been
filled SO well. Mr.. Lancaster very modestly
replied that "Man, in his best estate, was Of
very little account; that the speakers chair had
never been filled with any thing better than
Clay"
Latour Maubourd lost his leg at the battle of
Leipsic. After he had suffered amputation
with the greatest courage, he saw his servant
crying, or pretending to cry, in the corner Of
the room. None of your hyprocritcal tears,
you idle dog" said his master, "you know you
are glad, for now you will have only one boot
to clean instead Of two
An Enelishman and Welshman disputing
in whose country was the best living, the latter
said: "There is such noble housekeeping in
Wales, that have known dozen cooks en-
ployed at one wedding dinner" "Ah,' an
swered the Engishman, "eyery man toasted
his own cheese"
Johnny, one bright evening, was standing by
the window gazing at the moon and Stars, and
after looking at them some time very intently,
he turned and said to his mother, who was sit
ting by him, Mamma, what are those bright
little things in the sky? Are they the moons
little babies?''
"GenlIemen," said pedlar, "these razors
were made in cave, by the light Of a dia-
mond, in Andalusia, in Spain. They can cut
as quick as thought and are as bright as the
morning star. Lay them under your pillow at
night, and you will be clean shaved in the
mornngr'
We are apt to think yankee drollery su6ici-
entity extravaganza, and western hunor still
more hyperbolical, but an old Greek epigramist
beats the Americans all hollow. He describes
a man whose nose was SO long. that he was un
able to hear himself sneeze! mu...
A lad who had lately gone to service, hav-
ing had salad served up every day for week,
ran away because, said he, "they made me eat
make me eat hay in the winter, SO l wor off,
If you would preserve the health of your
horses, exercise them in the open air every
day, when not in actual use The same may
be said Of your children, yourself and your
wife WY
Tamouche, war chief of the Utah Indians,
put two native physicians to death, because
they failed to cure two Of his wives, who died
under their care. He sent them, in his own
expression, ''to look after their
PATIENTS
The Albany Statesman says the restaurants
in that city have found new name for whis
key toddies The very expressive ttle-'Kal
now all the rage with those who are
in the habit of imbibing.
"Sam," said lady to milk boy, Il guess
from the looks Of your milk that your mother
put dirty water in it, "No, she didn't, nuth
err replied the boy, ''for I seed her draw it
clean out of the wei fore she put it in!'
A country schoolmaster thus describes a
money lender; she serves you in The present
tense; he lends you in the conditional mood;
keeps you in the subjunctiye; and ruins you
n the futurep
A pedagogue, provoked at the dizziness of a
oupil, instead Of coaxing BIN along, boxed his
ears, and demanded of him how long man |
could live without brains. The boy meekly !
'epled II don't know; how long have you ,
ived yourself, sir?" Il
The less a man knows the more be stands in
1--WE Of great people. The less light we have Z
n room, the brighter the snow heaps APP
bear which lie out doors.
Mother" said little square built urchin.
lbout five years old, "why don't the teacher
make me monitor sometimes? can lick ev-
ry boy in my class but one
"Bridget, who broke those barrels that were
n the woodshed?" inquired gentleman Of
lis servant. misses told John to break them :,
Up and-save the hoops" $
A contemporary writer says that marriage I,
irects man to vegetable markets, botanical ;
physicians, milliners' shops, paregoric, sum .
ner complaints, and night bells. !
A joker, learning that an absconding credi- h
or had resolved to settle in California, said he
vas glad to hear that he intended to 'tsettle''
omewhere. r
An editor out west, who served a few days i
II jury says that he is SO full of law it is hard
or him to keep from cheating some body.
No man on death-bed ever regretted anyt :,