The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1857-04-08

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Old Judge B., who, with very little scholastic
learning, is remarkable for extensive and varl
ed knowledge. and for being shrewd observ
er of men and manners, says the defeat o
many scientific savans is this: "They kno"
the names of great many things, but they
don't know much about the things. Now here
is a pumpkin; don't know the English name O
It, whether it is pumpkin" or ''pompon,' Oh
simply "punkin," and yeti know pumpkin
every time | see one, and good deal better
than your man of science who calls it By 4 long
Linnaan Latin title, but never saw the vfgeta-
Bile, or ate pumpkin pie in his life!
When you find master Jack suddenly refuse
one morning to play marbles any more forever;
be sure that master Jack is seized with fi$ first
love. ..
When you find in master Jacks bedroom
sundry looking bottles with yellow bear in
blue forest on the label-which 1.-THE lab&l not
the hear, informs you that the contents Of the
bottle is an unguent that makes the moustaches
grow-you may be sure master Jack is sfized
with bis first love.
If you find master Jack no longer paFsthat
attention to the solids Of the dinner table which
be was wont to do, and there is no other cause
be sure it is an attack of his first love thai oc-
casions il.
IF Jack becomes satirical and aludes in very
scornlnl terms TO the world, be sure Jack first
love has just sprouted.
If you find pocket edition of Byron any
where about Jacks clothes, be sure Jack S far
gone in bis first love.
II you find pair Of patent feathers coming
home from your shoemaker's one Saturday af-
ternoon, and can't remember ordering the M
and they don't fit any body but Jack--doh't
blame him. First loves responsible.
II you see Jacks fnger-ends rather inEy,
and scraps of an acrostic anywhere around, be
assured that first love has caused the spelling
Of some good stationery. M-.-....-- |
Finally, If Jack is suffering from first love, |
don't be hard on the poor fellow, and above all,
don't meet the complaint with too strong RENE |
dies, lest it strike in, and Jack strikes outfron
parental authority. First love is very like tile
whoopng cough-we must all have it, and it |
is best to catch it young. - -. |
The late doctor Boynton was once disputing
with farmer about the ease with which mir
lister earned money
Now" said the farmer, "when you arr
called on to marry a couple you never expect
less sum than three dollars, and you some
times get ten dollars-this for few minutes
service" /
"Pooh!' replied the doctor" al would agred
to give you half of my very next marriage fed
for bushel of potatoes" i
Every WELL" said the farmer, "I'lltake your
offer, and send you the potatoes" Il
A few days afterwards the doctor was called
on to splice loving couple at Dogtown, a placelE
about four miles from where he lived Whent
the ceremony was over, the bridegroom said /
to the worthy minister:
''Wtll, parson pose must fork over some !
thing for your trouble. What say you to ia
king one Of my terrier pups? The best breed.
tell,y in the country. Shocking nice TO
have in the barn. Worth full five dollars
and s'pose figure would do for the splice, \
chi What say vou?'
The doctor took the pup with JOY The Joke |
was too good; he fastened to the farmer, Say
ing:
Now, friend, here is my fee-how shall We
divide its''
The farmer relished the joke 50 WELL that
he increased the potatoes to half dozen of
bushels.
A celebrated lady once said Of censorious
neighbor, His mouth expenses him nothing,
for he always opens it at the cost of Others II
wish that some day he would bite his tongue,
for then he would poison himself"
Whoever wishes to get on in the world has
only to take lessons oil hen chasing a grass
hopper through the field With long neck
and peeled eyes, take few hurried strides,
stop short peep over, peep under, now to the
left, then to the right, one fluter, and you have
him.
Beautiful is the love and sweet the kiss of
sister. Old paper i
Exactly. and ola pretty cousin, too. Ii YOU
have not sister Or cousin Of your own, tryl
somebody else's sister or cousin-it's all the;I
same.
Il wish you would not smoke cigars" said
plump little black-eyed girl to her lover
why may I not smoke as well as your
chimney?"
Because chimneys don't smoke when they
are in good order"
He has quit smoking
There is man out west SO forgetful Of faces,
that his wifeis compelled to keep wafer stuck
on the end Of her nose, that he may distin- |
guish her from other ladies'; but this does not
prevent him from making occasional mistakes.
"When Teller has reached certain pint
in drinkn'," said an old soaker, Il think he
orter STOP
swell. ] think, said wag, che had bet.
ter step before he reaches pint"
Human affections are the leaves, the foliage
of our being--they catch every breath, and in
the burden and heat Of the day they make
music and motion IN sultry world Stripped
Of that foliage, how unsightly is human ma
turel
Science, In the hands of infdelity, becomes !.
mere materialism; poetry, in the power of in
fidelity, degenerates into sensualism; and ma
lions without christianity become poor. and
and blind and wretched indeed.
There is nearly as much ability requisite to
know how to make use of good advice, as to
know how to act for ones self
We notice the marriage il small town in
Virginia, Of Samuel Devil to Miss Mary Shrew.
Which is to be pilied?
NAT, what are you leaning over that empty
ask fors'
I'm mourning over departed spirits, was