The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1857-04-04


"Why. dye see. took her TO be only
bali of me, as the parson says; but dash
me, if she isn't twice as much as ], I'm
| only Tar, and she's Tartar"
A modern writer, who is probably fl,
only for treason, strategem and spolls,'&
says: Every thing is very fine until
you have 60, it. A singing wife is like
piping bulfncb, grea, fun for your
friends-dueced ,iresome to yourself
Why Beefis High. A man was ar
rested in Newark on suspicion OF steal
ing two cows, because he offered 10 sell
them low! The drovers hereabouts will
| never suffer on this account.
The homeliest female in the world
may render herself more attractive by
the exhibition OF deicacy and refinement
than the pre,Iiest vul garian tha, ever
smiled.
An enthusiastic gentleman, in speak
ing OF the courage OF his 'adored, said
She would walk up to a cannon's or
iovsr's mouth without shrinking a .Eus-
cle!'
A wife cannot make home comfor,a-
bic who 'iears,' and my loves and pets
her husband, but don't sew the buttons
on his shirt, or tape on his drawers.
i Ye who are eating the apple dumpings
and molasses Of wealth, should no, for
get those who are sucking the herring
bones fpoverty.
Did you ever hear Of the wife that
wrote 10 her husband in California. and
commenced her letter thus oh, tell me
not tina, absence conquers love: the lon
ger you stay away, the better like
you.'
We hear constantly OF ab.conding raii.
road contractors. tbs not a matter cf
much surprise, when ii is remembered
; that is regular business with those fell
lows to make tracks.
Come here, sonny, and tell me wha,
the four seasons arel Pepper, mustard.
salt and vinegar, ,hem's via, mamma
seasons with
A female writer says, Nothing looks
worse on lady than darned stockings ,
Allow Us 10 observe that stockings which
need darning look much worse than dara-
, ed ones.
1t Is said that a Yankee taby will
| crawl out of his cradle, take survey Of
1t. inven. an improvement. and apply Tor
t patent beloIe he Is six months old.
The Dutchman who stabbed himself
! with pound of soap, because his krout
would not 'schmell, has been seni back
to Germany.
An exchange paper says thai the gtfIs
. In some parts OF Pennsylvania are 50
r hard up for hus bands that they sometimes
take up with lawyers ard doctors.
4 Tender ForethougM Devoted Wife
/ %, what beautiful monument! Woudn',
you like 10 have such one as that, deari
4 A good morning TO you; hope yos
0 are weIIf as the boa-constrlCtor said -
the emigrant when he was abou, 10 make
T. T. a meal OF him.
Corpulent persons desirous TO lesson
= their clrcumf, renee should apply to some
n newspaper establishment lof The office Of
collector.
= A young lady, being asked by q poli.
n tlcian which party she was most ia favor
1t OH replied she preferred wedding par
> ty.
He that has nigh forehead will lave
: his eyes under ii, and will live all the
= days of his life. But what ii 4 fellow
n has got no eyest
@ Man is IA wonderful creature 10 sup
d He can supply, sup plant, sup port, sup
lie pilcate, sup pose, suppress, sup-soup aud
20 suc-on.
T. There is no happiness ike that OF be-
y ing loved by your fellow creatures, aud
u - feeling that your presence IS an addition
- to their comolt.
re Great is the number OF those who
might attain to true wisdom, il they dld
not alrady think themselves too wise
at When does man become four handed
b, When he deubles his fists.
Of We overheard a remark the other day
l. which we think contains .pciug OF
c, wit A lady had occasion 10 use tins
,aa expression. while reading the acccun, OF
~ the death OF slave: Where are the
o, souls OF the peopIe.' Her son lad of
E E1s some ten summers, replied: "On the
o o, bottoms Of their boots!
ne 80 DEAR" bIundered cut an urch,n.
H. wbe had just been suffering from appi-
10 10 cation ot the birch, % my; they tell me;
n about torty rods make a iufiona, bot |
en can tell a bigger story than thar Let
ae 'em get such plaguy lickln' as I've Lad;
and they'll And out that che rod makes
, an achre:
lie Does the court understand YOU to saw
'is Mr.. Jones, that you saw the editor oi the
l" Argus Of F.eedom intoxicated2
Gm mo, al all sir; merely saId tha, had
ce seen him frequently SO tlurred IN his
Iy mind that lie would undertake TO cut ou,
'r copy with the snutirrs that's ALL"
Our devil says that when see a vsune
"" man and woman walking down street
VI leaning agans, each other ike pair O
or, badly matched oxen, it is a pretty goot
,to sign that they are bent Oh consolidation
Do 1t is said that Horace Verne,. the
tn French artist, is 10 receive three hu~dreC
! nd f,,