The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-09-26
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HIS ErpEsIxxcs Win SODA PowpEss.

HOW. SUI LOvENGOeD KxPLoDEp.
HIS ExPERIENcs WITH SODA PowrERs.
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Sut related the story thus: ssGeorge did
you eyer see Sicily Barns2 Her dad lives
st thelsatil Snaik Springs, nigheto shsGepry
line" - EYES, very handsome girl. p,
ssHandsome! that wurd don't kiver the case;
1t sounds like calm good whisky water,
when We are ut Big Spring, and the still
house ten miles oil, an hit . rainin', an yer
flask only half fall. She shows among VIE
nen like y sunAower as compared to dog
1ennel an smart weed an iimsen. But thar
'ain't no use trying to describe her. Could
MT crawl thru n; whisky barrel with both
heads stove out, il it wer hilt study fer her,
an good loot holt vt that. She ways just
two hundred aud twenty.six pounds, and
stands sixteen hands high. She never got
in IN arm Ohoer in her life, an you can lock
the top hoop of a churn, or a big dog collier
round her waist. Pye seed her jump over
the top Of a split-bottom cheer, an never
show her ankels or kctch her dress into It.
She karrys devil enuf about her to fill u
four hoss Vaughn bed, with = skin as white
u the inside Of a frog stool, cheeks an lips
as redas o pearch's gills in dogwood bios
som time; and SIGH smile! On, be drat-
ted eff it's emmy use talkin'. That gal cud
make me murder old Bishop Soul hisself,
or kill nam, not to speak Of dad, if she jist
hiated that she wanted SIGH thing dun.
Well, to tell it ut wunst. she war gall
NIL over, from the pint Of her t0e-nails to
the longest har on the highest knob NV her
hed-gair all the time, eyerywhere-an that
Of the excitinist kind. Ov corsc | leaned
up tn her as klosc as / dar tn, an in spite
ov long legs, appetite fur whisky, my shurt
skrapc, an dods actin boss, she sorter lean
ed to me, AMI wur beginnn' tn think wur
Just the greatest and comfortabIist man OH
yerth, not cxceptin Old Buck or Brigham
Young, with all his vadii cuilerd rinkled wi.
men, cradles full Nv babies, an his Big Salt
Lake thrown in. Well, wun day a cussed
decevin', palaverin', stinkin Yankee pedler,
all jack nlfesan jaw, cum to ole man Burnses
with load Nv apple parlns, kaiiker ribbns
Jewsharps, an s-o-d-y-p o-w-d-e7r-s. Now
mind, Pd never hearn tell ov that truck a.
fore, an be burned eff don't want it tn bt
the last-wuss nor PERCUSSION three times
US smart, an hurts wus, u heap wuss. Burr
him! burn all Yankee pcddlers, and DUR
ther principals an praktls.s, say. l wish
had all the sody powder they have ever made
in his cussed paunch, an II slow mach fxec
tn him, an had chunk of fire, the feliel
what found piece ov him big enutftu feet
cockr0ach, ort to be King over the Sui
tens harem u thousand years for his luck
They amt human, no how. The mint Al
Fiilydelfy is thur heyea. They think thu
god eats half dimes fur breakfast, hashes tn,
no fur f.
bride april fnr supper, sets on stampin
masheen fur throne, sleaps on a krib full
0y hat doliers, an measures men like mum.
ny-by count. They ain'L wun ov them 60
- soM but what kud dance u JIG in a kabbig,
seed, an leave room fur the hddler. s4 :.
Well, Sicily she bought a tin box ov til,
sody from him, an HID it away from he
folks, sayin' it fur me. happen tn pas
mex day, and ov corse stopped to enjoy
look ut the tcmpter, an she wur mitely luv
in tn me, put wun arm round my neck, al
tother wun whar the sersingle goes round
h ,ss, TUX the, inturn on me with her left foot
an gin me a kiss. Sez shes 'Sutty, love, Py
got sumthin' fur We, u new scnsashun"-al
lbleeved it, furl begun tn feel it ALREADY
My toes felt like little MINERS was nibblIl
at 'em-a cold streak run up an down Ii,
back like a lizard with turkey hen afte
him in settin' time, nv heart felt hot al
unsatisfed like, an then I'd cut ole Soul
throte, ef she'd limited at the needsesity flu
SIGH operashun. Then she porde ten O
twelve blu papers of sody inter a big tu,nb
Ter, an about the same number ov the whit
wuns inter luther tumbler, an put nigh o,
to a pint ov water in both ov 'eln an stert
Fem both up with a case nife, lookin as sol
UNI US a old jackass in a snow when the fod
der's all gin out. She hilt wun while, sh,
told me to drink luther. swallcred it a
wun run-tasted salty like; thort it we
part of the sensashun. But Iwur mistaken
all ov the cussed Internal scnsashun WI
tn cum, IN it warn't long at it, boss, YOU,
better bleeve. Then she gin me luther tum
bier, an sent it after the fust, race hos
fashion. 80 "rf t#+
In about moment an hat, thort PG
swallered a thrashin' masheen in full blast
en- kuppil o. ll-dogs, an they he'd sol
inter fytlng'. lseed that wur kotched agir
same family dispersishun to make cussec
fools ov themselves every chance-so broke
fur my boss. | stold look back an the1
Sicily lay on her back in the portiko, {
skreemin with latin, her heels up in the air
an she kickin of 'em together like she wal
tryin tn kick her slippers off. But had nj
time to look then, an thar war q road O.
fome frum the house to the boss two fee
wide an four inches decp-looks Ike it hat
been asnowin'-poppin an a hissin an bill
in, like tub ov hot soap suds. had &c
therd cherry-tree Inn AS run, an Ii
nstraddel of my boss whippin an a kich;il
like mad. This, with the scarey noises
made fur wur a whislin an hissin an
sputtcrin outer mouth nose an eyes, like
steam engin,) sot him rarin an cavortil
like he wus skeered out Ov his senses. Well
he went. The fome tolled, an the ole blacl
boss flew. So We agreed on the pint ov tn
greatest distunce in the smallest time.
aimed fur Doctor Goodman's at the Hi
wassee copper mines, to git sumthin to stol
the exploshun in my inards. met serki
rider on his travels towards a fried CHECKER
an hat full of ball biskits. As cum ,
tarin along, he hilt up his hands ike h,
wanted to pray fur me, but as | preferred
fizic to prsyer, in my pecoolyar situashun a
that time, jest rolled along. He tuck
skear as cum nj onto him, his faith gin out
an he lodged, boss, sadiilbags an overcete
inter thichet, jest like you've seed turki
take water of en- a log when tarin bi.
steamboat Gums along. As he passed ole
man Burnses, Sicily hailed him, an axed hin
efhe'd met ennybody in q hurry gwine NJ
the road. t5 Il 4 G6I tE-4
The poor man thought perhaps he did
an perhaps he didn't, but he seed site Nv
speck, Nv ghost NV ole Beelzebub hisself
ur the komit, he didn't adzackly no which
but takin all things tugether, an the shor
time he had fer preperashun, he thought h.
he met a crazy, longlegged shakin Quaker
n heein frum the rath tn cum, on black an
white spotted boss, wh;ppin ov him with q
big brush, an he had wife beard what Gun
zfrum nj on to his eyes to the pummil ov tn,
saddl, an then forked an went tn his nees
and then sumtimes it drapped in punches a,
big rs . crows nest tn the ground, an hearr
n sound like the rushin ov mitey water, ar
ha x.,nr ,nitnily eynr,.,srd about - oo,,h o,v