Southern shield., 1857-06-27
SHOOTING FOR TURTLE.-A ma


 ded, one warm evening last week, to enjoy the cool breeze from the river, and for that purpose, he walked down to the rivers edge. where large cy- press log was moored, and deliberate ly stretched himself at full length up on 1t. We do not know whether MT. Kelley is poet, given to romantic dreamings, but he prolonged his lounge on the margin of our great river until the dangling of twilight. That his position was a comfortable one we are bound to presume, and that his cogita- tions were pleasant may safely be to ken for granted, but they were sud- denly and rudely disturbed. Mir. Kel- ly has a neighbor who sometimes wan ders out on the river bank at the close of day, to have his brow famed and his system invigorated by the refresh ing breezes which sweep over the lord ly father of waters. In the course of his evening promenades, this neighbor had frequently observed huge iog gerhead turtle, stalwart denizen of the deep, perched upon the same log now occupied by the dreaming Kelly. He had often essayed to shoot his gi- gantic turtleship, but that aquatic in- dividual had always been too smart for his terrene foe, and whenever he ap- preached, gun in hand, Mir. Turtle quietly bowed his adieu and dived far down into his native element.
 On the evening in question, the tur- tie hunter was at his post, looking out upon the broad river which laves our shores, and doubtless indulging in sun dry sage reflections, when suddenly his eyes rested upon the form of the re- cumbent Kelley. Steadily he gazed for a moment, then walked stealthily away. He soon reached his house, took down a shot gun, putin heavy charge of powder, half a dozen slugs, and a handful of small shot, and hastened back to secure his prize. The turtle was still quietly on the log, and, talk ing deliberate aim with rest, our friend fired. The report was scarce | ly so loud as that of a six pounder, but it startled the neighborhood, and aroused loud and prolonged echo in the swamps of Louisiana, which was only silenced by cry of rage and pain, and heavy splash in the river,- We have not heard what become of the turtle, but Mir. Kelley scrambled out of the water with one arm crippled and his corporation plentifully sprin- kled with small shot. He has been in the city hospital eyer since, and is, we are glad to hear getting we'll. Wheth CT he will betake himself to his old quarters on the cypress log again, is somewhat questionable, unless, in- deed, he can prevail upon the turtle to give him exclusive possession.
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 AN EXTRAORDINARY SrAMPEDE.- The Grayville Herald relates the fol- lowing laughable incident. "Last Friday evening, just as the services were commencing in one of our churches, our Foreman, accompanied by his shadow, the Devil, entered and took their seats, no doubt piously in- cined as usual. Accidentally our Foreman took seat somewhat apart, when an inveterate wag in the crowd, unable to resist his mirth-provoking propensities, pointed towards him and audibly remarked, " Small Pox!" A hurried glance, and-the stampede commenced, and in the twinkling of an eye the sacred edifce was deserted, save by our heroic and unconscious Foreman, who, like Alexander Selkirk, remained monarch of all he sur veyed." One poor soul in her un- speakable alarm, declared that she was ready to go to Heaven, if the Lord wanted her, bW ste didnf a0ant her chi2d to go! She meant we'll enough, but like Mrs. Burlington, didn't stop to study the grammatical construction of her sentences just then. Another hunted for soft place to faint, while third commenced hunting for brick bats to punish the intruders.
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 BsS@ An examination committee. about to test the capacities of an in dividual for school teaching, put the following questions to him: At what time did France produce her greatest general?" ''At what period?" pausing and scratching his head, Cat what ah! you've got me there.'' "Well, was it before or after Christi" "Be- fore or after Christ? Before or after Well, I'll declare, old hoss, you have got me dginp'
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 The mother of the Rothschilds lived at Frankfort, and was taken sick at 98 years of age. She said she was certain to live to 100, as nothing be- longing to the house of Rothschild must go below par. She did, how ever, for she died at 999.
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