Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-02-12
Amusing Reabmg.
From Porter's Spirit of the Times.
UNCLE BILLY's RIFLE FIGHT


Not long since, happesed in one of those
requisites to country town, commonly cal
led a sdoggery.' but faded sign over the
door, lettered with poke berry juice, told that
it was dignifed with the title 'Grosery, (the
S being of course turned hind part before).
A small chunk of a fight made in 2:4O, had
lust come off near the door, and it was not
strange that pugilistic encounters were the
subject of conversation as entered. l was
q silent and interested listener-as each one
related the different tight places he, or some
of his particular friends had been extricated
from, either by miracles or superhuman ex-
ertion; and, if any doubt remained on the
minds of the eager listeners, after the impre-
cations which each speaker called upon HIM
self tosubstantiate the truth of his narrative,
such doubts were instantly removed by the
innumerable scars exhibited by the different
narrators. One fellow had had his thumb
twisted until a cork-screw was straight In
comparison to it; another had had his nose
cha,ced until it would have elected the ad-
miration of the most fastidious sausage-ma-
ker; third had had leach particular hair
so neatly extracted from his head by the roots,
that he had to produce another capillary
crop by grating. If such was the case,
thought that the grating had been more as
siduously attended to than the subsequent
training, for he had evidently been listening
to the tale the Ghost of Hamlet's father
could unfold and ithad made
"Each particular hair to stand on end,
Like quills upon the fretful porcupine."
It is impossible to relate or even remember
the innumerable chair breadth 'scapes' each
one had made, but presently, when pause
in the conversation afforded an opportunity,
the we'll known voice of Old Billy Hardyarn
was heard emanating from his accustomed
seat behind the stove, where he had been
sitting for the last half hour, apparently half
asleep, and totally unmoved by any of the
perils which had been so vehemently related
in his presence.
Il tell you, boys began Uncle Billy, Gas
he was called par ercellence,) 81 tell you,
bows, haint none of you ever seed fight yit!
No, none of youp Now, if any of Uncle
Billy's auditors had taken this remark liter
ally, they would, no doubt, have been dispo-
sed to join issue with him forthwith; but
all understood him as he intended they should
that is, that the little affairs in which they
had been engaged, when compared with
something he had seen, amounted to no fight
at all!
Uncle Billy accompanied his remark with
a significant shake of his head, as though he
had unintentionally called up some painful
remembrance. Amomentary silence follow
ed, probably in the vain hope that Uncle
Billy would assign some reason for his re-
mark, but as he seemed to have finished, it
became necessary to politely request him to
favor the audience with the yarn. "Let's
have it, Uncle Billy" said one fellow; but
an ominous shake of the head was the only
symptom the old man evinced of having
heard the request. "Spit it out, old man."
-"Pitch in, Uncle Bily,"-"Give US the
yarn" These, and about half a score of in
vitations to proceed, all in the same slang,
only elected from the stubborn narrator an
mother negative of the head, but from sort
of intuitive freemasonry among them, one OF
the crowd detected Uncle Billy in melan-
choly look towards the trio of decanters on
the bar-room shelf.
"Let's have liquor boys, and then Uncle
Billy will tell his yarn. Come all of you,
take some liquor. It's my treat" A volun-
tary treat, in a country grocery, is not, as
might be supposed, an every day occurrence,
and all hands seem to feel it incumbent up
on them to respond to the rude invitation
Albeit, those who we're really the keenest to
avail themselves of the treat, hung back un-
til they we're asked the third time. A few
minutes sufieed for the whole crowd to am.