Daily Iowa State Democrat. [volume] (Davenport, Iowa) 1856-1859, 1857-06-13
Spring Cleanings.


Doesticks gives chapter on the ex-
tsrvagance Of spring cleaning. After
morallzing upon the subject, he thus
goes into details
Iwill begin with Mrs. jerks, my new
lnndlady, and | will take u particular
delight IN personally demolishing Mrs.
jerks with my own hand,-Mrs. j. has
aroused by v,ndictive ire-snd Mrs j.
had better beware. The performances
commenced ut Mrs jerks house with
the parlor-the innocent carpets were
ruthlessly dragged up and carried to en-
adjacent lot, wheve they wero cruelty
oa-tlgated by two Dutchman with fish
poles-then the floors were stepped in 90
strong solution Of soft soap for Two days
this delicacy Of the season dissolved
in rainwater was applied in such quaint
ties that it soaked through the floor and
loosed the plastering below, which tell
on the dinner table and smashed the
crockery, which caused Mrs. j. to Jump
back, which upset the stove, which set
the house on fire, which We put o6t i'm
mediately with the contents Of the soup
tureen, which nevertheless did not pre-.
vent Engine coming to the rescue and
half drowning erybody with an inch
and a half stream, which the foreman
wouldn't stop until We gave him money
enough to treat oil the boys, and cub
scrlbcd hberallyfor silver trumpet TO
be presented to him on his b,rthiay.-
That Same afternoon, Mrs. jerks youn-
gest child iDgeniously fell into the cist-
ern, though how he did it nobody ever
knew, for he couldn't be got out until
the hole WAS widened six inches. 10 Q
week Mrs. }. finished her parlors anil
the lower part Of the house, and had got
them "thorouehly cleaned" as she said
which operation had made them look
and -mell like the cabin OF . steamboat
that had been under water for q month
Then Mrs. jerks began . series Of per.
sonsl indignities aimed directly at me
she tore up the carpet in my room uDd
er vile pretence Of DIRT, and pulled INV
bed to pieces under foul aspersi0n of
bugs-she wh,tewashed my walls uEder
u charge OF smokiness, and she painted
my door under the miserable Islander OF
hngermarks aud grease. On that fsted
night | went home early-as | walked
up stairs, not being warned Of paint, /
adorned myself in an interesting man.
ner my best black coat got y streak Of
white paint from the door 90 one side,
and WAS beautifully soaked by the paint
from the ban,sters on the other dirty
yellow from the stairs decorated one log
Of my pantsloons, while THOUGH OF 10 d
color from the Dashboard decorated the
other. Entered my apartment-the floor
was submerged, and u bsrefooted Irish
damsel was on her knees making a pill
gr,mage round the roow with . scrub
bling brush, in little sea Of foamy soap
suds. As Mrs. j. wanted to come in oc.
cas,onally to oversee the operations, and
did not want to get her delicate feet wet,
she had laid down couple Of dictious-
ries and three volumes Of Shakespeare %
stepping stones. fled the premises, llv-
cd on oyster stews, and bunked 10 an
Engine House for four days and then
ventured home.
She had tinall, got things s.to rights"
- she ssid-looked in my bureau and
wished Mrs. }. ~ss buried slive-she
had moved that article offurniture with.
out refereDceto Whatever Of . break able
nature might be inside--the consequence
was that two shirt bosoms were soaked
in somebody's Imminent, which | had for
. sprained arm and two more were sat-
ursted with Balm OF thousand Flow.
ere my Sunday white vest vas spoiled
BY cherry brandy and the cork Of the
bottle was in the watch pocket cam.
phene and camphor united their delicate
odors to scent my pocket hsndk erchiefs,
and . couple Of boxes Of tooth powder
were distributed impartislly everywhere
my books were Of course in the wrong
2lsces, and wrongsids up, and full ses
Of "Wavsrly" had left my bed and board
entirely.
Bot | rejoice 10 pio,urss portraits Of
eminent individuals are my passion, but
l regret to say that house cleaning has
not improved the Appearance Of my email
esllsry-George Washington had bis
glass broken and his head torn of. o. d
Napoleon had evidently been used to
prop upa shree.le, gsd table Of more
then ordinary weight, for bic counteo.
ueo U0eu run y0fOuHo
corn sosllsr-Mrs. Siddons We changed
into iussy neerses BY the upsstsioe Of
the ink. while the mingled effects Of
blotches Of lime and different oolorsd
painss made Edmund Ksan aud General
Warren, and Mary, Queen Of Scott. ana
Geo. W. COrtis, and Shakespeare, and
Charles Lamb. aud Bsyard TAYLOR s.d
Jenny Lind look like lot OF Blackfeee
lndisns painted for . drunken frolio.-
! have doally got things ssssish,eued
out, but caught cold sleeping 10 that
camp room, and | conddsnsly expect 10
20 die 0! consumption. within yssr.-
10 Mrs. jerks liable for ooiio ?
luquiringlv,
Q. K. Pa'LASDEa Dossrlcks, P. B.