Indiana American. [volume] (Brookville, Ind.) 1833-1861, 1857-04-03

6-r To do good and wish people 70
know ID Is not true goodness
6T I'm going to draw this beau in,o
knot ss the young lady said when stand.
inE At the hymenlal altar.
or We are never made 20 ridIeuious
BY the qualities wo have. AZ BY those We
Affect 10 have.
6-r Fashions vo,arIes have two faults
they are hollow-hoaded and hollow
hearted.
81 IL you want to sleep quietly. don't
praise another woman while your wife Is
undressing for bed.
6T Great mon never Affect anything;
Il Is your three cent folks that put on cir.
swslls. and put on the pomn
0-r"If Thalberg makes such music
when he Is only ployag." said lady tie
other day, "wha. must ho do whom he
sets hem self at work."
0r The ague rages in some parts OF
Ohio so that people are obliged to sleep
with corn cobs in their mouths to keep
from shaking their teeth ont.
~ A man who dislikos mop-hand'cs
and brcom-s'ic'ss should be careful low
hs spts tobacco-julce on rcd-hcaaed
woman's carpet
oT The parent who would train up
child in the way it should 20, must 20 in
tho way in which he would traia up Tie
child.
0>T Young ladies who faint on beirg
proposed to-" can be restored 10 COLI
sciousness by just whispering in their cars,
you were only joking.
0trA lover writing 10 his sweetheart
says:
"Delectable dear: You are SO sweet
that honey would blush in your prcscrcs
and molasses stand appalled,"
eTNfn. Jones says to her spouse:
@Mr. Jones. don't you think marriage
10 means OF grace?"
Certainly; anything is a means OF grace
that leads US to repentance"
Scene closes with broom handle.
2AMr. Flanagan, in Dublin paper,
put his name TO the following renuito
Irish announcement:
"I hereby warn all persons from trust
ins my wife. Ellen Flanagan on my ac-
oount--as I'm not married to her..
LK,'oS PUDDING. six egs, three
quarters Of pound of sugar. one quarter
Of pound OF butter, the rind and juice
OF two lemons; beat the eggs and snssr
together, and pour the butter boiling bot
oa the ingredients, put puff paste in
your dish and bake.
or The Boston Post wants 10 know
Why credit should not be given to phys:-
cisrs in notices OF death, as well as 10
elsrsymen in notices Of marriage? A
newspaper obituary announcement sho'd
rsad-"Died at tho hands Of Dr.. Saddle
bsss, John Doc, aged SO and So"
H "Hsdam," said oh Bosen to his
bnrdins-house keeper, ''in primitive coun-
tries beef is often the legal tender; but
msdsm." said he. emphatically thrustlng
bio fork into the steak. sall the laws in
Christendom could not mako this beef
tender"
4 DULL SEAsox.-"You'rc loafer--
. man without calling" siid Judge to
. person arrested as vagrant
IL beg your pardon, your honor. have
o vocation"
"what Is it?"
Il smoke glasses for cclipsos; hut just
now II Is our dull season."
xsrnrnoSIAL MEAsunE-Two polkas
make one hirtation.
Three nirtations make one squeeze Of
tie hand.
Four squeescs make one kiss.
Five kisses make one moonlight meet
ing.
Two moonlight meetings mako orc
wedding.
HA milkman, serving a customer,
surprised him by empiying frog into the
basin.
whats this you'rc giving mes" ex-
claimed the favored individual.
The unlueky vendcr protested that tho
frog wss not put into the can by him.
"rhcn," was the bitter reply, sIf he
jumped in himself, he must haro mis:a-
ken il for . pond"
~ 0pee on time, Dutchman and
q FIsnchman were travelling in Pcnnsyl-
vsnia, when their horse lost shoe. They
drove mp to blacksmiih's shop, and no
one being in, they proceeded to the house
to inquire The Frenchman raped rnd
called out "Is do smitty wittin?'
"Shtand pack" said Hauns; Get me
shpsak. Isht der plackshmit's shop in
der houses"
AN 0ursAsE.-Thc editor Of the Leb-
ansa Herald perpetratcs the following:
"why are the young ladies of Lebanon.
when they try to make a conquest OF a
gentleman, like band Of untamcd Indi-
ars about 10 engage In mortal combat"
'D'ye give it upf'
because they enter upon the contest
with (w)hoor."
He deserves to be rinched to death by
old maids.
| WHAT LITTLE CHILDREN GET AT
ScuooL--A bcvy Of little children wcrc
telling their father what they cot at their
school The eldest cot grammar. gsos-
raphy. arithmetic. &c. The nsxt got
reading. spelling. and definitions
aAnd what do Won Get. my little soI~