The River Falls journal. (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1857-1861, 1857-08-19
on r OHIO.

The result will likely be small barrels.
" Ir was Prentice who said of Willard
that he could bring QUART to PINT
much quicker than he could an argument.
The bachelor who undertook to mend
his breeches with ''the thread of life, u
gave it up as bad job, and sent them
10 the tailor.
A WAC says that everywhere the old
adage has been realized by the young
ladies, that Miss is now days lin cir
cumference) "as good as mile
''MY DEAR" said an atfcctionate spouse
to her husband, ''am | your treasurer
.'Oh, yes" was the cool reply; sand l
would willingly lay it up in heaven"
II WISH you had been Eve, said an ur-
chin to a woman who was proyerbial for
her meanness. "Why so?" Because YOU
would have eaten all the apple instead OF
dividing it with Adam"
A GENTLEMAN, who had very strong
desire to be funny, sat down on hooped
skirt, the other day, With despera-
ton equal to any emergency. he whistled,
I'm sitting on the style, Mary"
THE woman who made a pound of
butter out of the cream of joke, and q
cheese from the milk of human kindness,
has since washed the close of the year.
and hung them to dry on bee line.
Il DON'T care so much about the bugs"
said Mr.. Wormley to the head of q gen
teel family in which he resides, ''but the
fact is marin hain't got the blood to
spare; you see that yourself
AN ELDERLY gentleman travelling in
stage, was amused by constant fire of
words between two ladies. One of them
at last kindly enquired if the converse
ton did not make his head ache? "No
madam, l have been married upwards
of twenty eight years.
THERE is good story told of a yonng
man who had light and incipient mus
tache. One day while lingering the few
hairs, he said to Harry, Hadn't l better
dye this mustache!' "Oh, mop replied
Harry; ''let it alone, and it will die of
itself"
A NAN praising porter, said it was so
excellent beverage that it always made
him fat. ST.
81 have seen the time" said another,
"when it made YOU lean."
"When T. asked b, eulogist.
"Last night, against the walT'
THE fecundity of families in Kansas
and Texas particularly of the German
emigrants, is said to be truly tropical.
This is true of families that were not par
ticularly prolific before transportation to
warmer latitude, and it teaches that
those who are without a son aud heir need
sun and air.
SMITH in Milwaukee was fined So for
kissing Dutchla lady weighing $50 pounds.
The deed was done in the presence of
her husband, who said II was SO mad
| could not speak"
Mishter spare mine yrow;
Touch not her pouty cheek;
Eor If you kiss her now,
/ hit you nit dis sthick,
IT is said of Daniel Webster, that when
he once arrived at the Girard House from
hot dusty, exhausting ride from Wash
ington, the servaut pouring more water
into his glass than proportion admitted,
he exclaimed with a voice and look that
John Phillip Kcmble, as Coriolanus,
might have rebuked the Volscian with
"Boy, don't INUSDATE the Jraadyr.
''THoMAs, of what fruit is cider made
sDon't know sir
"Why what a stupid boy! What did
YOU get when you robbed farmer Jones'
orchardW .r-....e e.
"Got darncd good licking sir. ---
mo but what fruit did you get!"
dad told me twas the fruit of sin? q
You may 60"
BUs-to kiss Re-bus-to kiss again.
Blun-der-buss - two girls kissing each
other Omnibus to kiss all the girls in
the room. Bus-ter--a general kisser.
in one.
To which let us add that girl thinks
it isEre5us when she hasn't had e'er-o-bay
since shutdown. And, with this we are
''6uss'd up"
The Rev. Mathew Wilkes was once
passing through one of the crowded streets
of London, when he heard carman who
found great difficulty in getting his vehi-
Gle along owing to the numerous obstruc-
tons he met with cursing and swearing
at a tremendous rate. He quietly went
to the offender, and tapping him gently
said to him:
"Ah! for that cursing and swearing, Of
which you have been guilty, | will be a
witness against you on the great day of
judgment. :.
"Oh, yes said the carlnsn to his cleri-
cal rebuker, 'the biggest rogue always
turns kings evidence
The minister, in relating this anec-
dote to his friends owned that this answer
50 completely nonplussed him, that he was
obliged TO go off without saying word
III reply.