Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1857-10-09
CoMIcAL REPORT OF A FISH
E.zlsi-& y CONVENTION.

rine monsters, big fish, and ''small fry"
of the great deep are assembled in con-
claVe-the Whale in the CHAIR 49,
He opened the convention by stating
that he did not wish to make a speech !;
he would take up as little room. and be
no longer than possible. Here the Shark
Fish whispered to the Sword Fish that it
Was not possible for the Whale to be
much longer, as he was over 80 feet now.
In his opinion, he only wanted chance
to squirt in fact. he considered him
regular blower. .- rlar'.
The Whale commended that he had been
grossly insulted by man-he might say
lampo6ned not. that he would pun upon
the use made Of lis fat, AS he did not
wish 10 make light OF such a matter. He
had been harpooned. at least. Men were
sarcastic towards him, and their shafts
were sharp and pointed. Some of his fell
low whales had been much cut up anl
exceedingly tried. He had latterly learned
that substitute for oil had been invent
ed, which might lessen The persecution Of
Whales-buI he feaIed it was all gas.
The Whale alluded TO harpoon which
had lately hit him, and. he feared, had
affected him deeply. Hero his feelings
OVerpowered him, and he sat down on
the Shark amidst a general blubher.
The Shark rose with some difficulty,
and remarked that the tale Of the Whale
had moved him; in fact it was very
striking. His own situation was very far
from pleasant. He was by profession
lawyer, and he flattered himself ,cne Of the
deepest kind. But business was bad, and
he had been obliged to take in few pu
pills. He had lately presented fine
opening for young man who had fell
overheard, but was soon afterwnrd oblig
ed to. reject his suit as indigestible. Un.
less he had more cases, he should leave
law and open as dentist.
The Sea Serpent did not wish to in
trude upon the Convention he did not
know whether he properly belonged to
the fish tribe or not All he asked was,
not TO be classed with the Eel, whom he
considered very slippery character,
(Here the Eel was observed to wriggle
Violently.) Lately he was passing q
certain species of the Eel, when, just hap
pening to touch him, he had been so
shocked that he hardly recovered.
The Eel hastily arose, and said be was
shocked. he might say electrified. az these
remarks. It was so evident to him that
the Serpent must get himself into a coil.
AS for his being such "sIippery charac-
ter" he thanked Nature that he didn't
belong to such scaly set as the Serpent.
Tue Whale called the Eel to order. and the
Eel called the Whale an old swell. head,
and was then summarily put out of the
Convention.
The Turtle said he was suffering from
indispoSition. He was walking on shore,
he said, short time since, when he met
a party of Jolly young sailors. The re-
suit was, that he was laid on his back,
and he was unable TO move for some time,
and since then he had not felt so lively as
usual. There was one thing to which be
would Gail the Convention he prided
himself upon the purity of his political
principles. The shark had lately insult
ed him by calling him an " old Hard
She'll"
Here the Shark interrupted him by re-
plying. "Is not that your case ?"
The Turtle replied. that he should say
nothing more at present, but should have
something to lay before the next meeting.
yes" replied the Shark, contemptu>
0usly a few eggs probably"
The POrpoise undertook to speak, but
was speedily silenced. The expression of
the Convention was, that he was "blow-
err
The Small Fry were next called upon,
Oysters. Lobsters. and others. The Oys-
ter opened his case, which was hard
one. He was always in trouble-a per-
petual stew or boil. His half brother,
Clam, was disgrace TO the family; al
waysin liquor. and generally considered
a s''squirt." Some OF his family were in
dolent. and spent most Of their time in
"beds." There had been some Rakes
among them, who had created great dis
turbance. nn
There was one of his neighbors, he said
he would not call any names. for he
scorned scandal-who was very surly and
grabbed. He was sided individual,
and no body approved of his mot ion.
The Crab protested against this abuse,
and said that the rest took advantage OF
him because he was soft" He respect-
fully retired backward.
The Goldfish, who had been visiting a
''school =" the Shad, much nettled at
what he had heard the, aristocrasic SAL
mon, who got into row with York
State Trout, who called him a Northern
Fish with Southern principles and the
Flying Fish, who flew into Tremendous
psssion-all took part in theiproceedings
of the Convention. 80.
But so it was. at last. as the erudits