Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-05-07
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THE WAY TO COLLECT A BILL.

THE WAY TO COLLECT A BILL.
Old Squire Tobin was slow walker but
slower pay. Blessed with abundant means,
he was of course considered ultimately good
for any little debt, but he contracted habit
of holding on to his money, until forced by
extra importantly to fork over.
There goes the old Squire said Brown,
the merchant, Dive had bill Of five dollars
and fifty cents against him for eight months,
and if have asked him for it once, have
done so twenty times but he has either not
got it with him, or he will call tomorrow,
or, if notin good humor, he will swear like
trooper, at my impudence in dunning him
at unreasonable times,
sNow there was one Joe Harkins, wag-
gish sort of fellow, who heard the COM
plant of merchant Brown, and resolved up
on some fun.
Come, now, Brown said Joe, 'what will
you bet I can't get the money from the old
Squire, before he gets home?'
"a new hat, said Brown.
Enough said,' said Joe.
While Brown was hunting the bill, Joe
disguised himself in striped blanket and
slouched hat. Thus equipped, with the bill
in his hand, he took after the Squire.
sHallo, is your name Tobin?'
sYes, answered the Squire, with snarl,
swhat is that to you p
Il have a little bill, sir-collecting for
merchant Brown, sir
Merchant Brown can 60 to thunder, sir,
SAID the Squire, 1--we no money for him, You
must call again
%, Joe bowed politely, slipped down the al
ley just in time to head the old Squire at the
next corner.
ooh, sir said Joe, stopping suddenly, is
your name Tobin? p
'Tobin, sir, is my name
'Here is little bill, sir, from merchant
Brown
szounds SIR replied the Squire, Didn't
I meet you just round the corner?'
Meet me?' replied Joe, guess it was B
Another of Browns collectors
Then I suppose merchant Brown has two
red striped collectors dogging my steps; I
won't pay it, sir, to-day-begonep The old
Squire, as he said this, brought his stick
hard upon the pavement and toddled on.
Joe nothing daunted, took advantage of
another alley, and by a rapid movement, in a
few minutes placed himself once more in
front of the Squire. The old mans bile
was making him mutter and growl as he
walked along, now and then giving point to
his anger by very emphatic knocks of his
cane upon the sidewalk. When within about
twenty feet of each other, the old Squire
espied his striped friend once more in front,
Squire Tobiu stopped-and raising his cane
exclaimed:
You internal insolentpuppy, what do you
mean?'
Joe, affecting great astonishment, check
ed up, within safe distance, and replied:
'Mean, sir! You surprise me, sir; don't
know you, SIR
sAin't you merchant Browns collector,
that dunned me five minutes ago?'
- 'Me, sirp replied Joe. Il am one of mer-
chant Browns collectors, to be sure; but I
don't know you, SIR
My name is Tobin, sir, rejoined the irri-
tated Squire, and you look like the fellow
that stopped me twice before
Impossible, sir p rejoined Joe. 1T must
have been some other of merchant Browns
collectors. You, see, sir, there are forty of
US, all wrapped in red striped blankets-and,
by the bye, Mr.. Tobin, think I have a
small bill against you
sForty red striped collectors, and each one
after me ! calculated the Squire. Darn me,
must put stop to this; they will all over
axe me before reach home Saying which
he pulled out his wallet and quietly settled
merchant Browns bill of $3.50.
Joe thanked the Squire, and moved off !;
but as the Squire, had another square to
travel before reaching home, Joe could not
resist the inclination to head him just once
more. He accordingly made another circuit,
and came in collision with the angry old man
ere he was noticed.
'Zounds! zounds !! stranger vociferated
the Squire 'What-' Here he caught sight
of the red striped blanket, as Joe, disenga-
ging himself from the old man, took to his
heels. Squire Tobin's cudgel was fercely
hurled after Joe, accompanied with a hearty
curse upon merchant Brown and his forty
collectors in red striped blankets.
1t is unnecessary to say that Joe Harkius
was seen next day topped off with bran
splinter new hat.
A MIsAPPREHENsIoN.-W recollect
once being very much amused at the relation
of the following anecdote, from the lips of a
varv on1oh1o ,r,klol - ~-.s-.