Smyrna times., 1857-04-08
Written for the Smyrna Times.
Spy, to Theophilus. "A Rejoinder.

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Mr.. Editor $50 Theophus is out again,
is hef That's decidedly clever! Only a squibr
eh well, that's exactly what Thought; but,
judging from the great amount of smoke and
small amount of noise it made in gowing of; |
thought the sqHib must have been fired from a
big-mouthed gun. However. as he says it him.
self, | suppose must admit that the squib and
gun were both small. lie says if he had fired
his big gun, the consequence might have been
much more serious, and think, if this is really
the case, he has good reason to thank his stars
that he didn't fire the big one, for if he had
aimed it no better than the other, there's no
telling where he would have been blown to-
His squib nearly annihilated his head-piece,
and "big gun" would certainly have blown
him, body, brains and oil, to Hayt, or Senegam-
ba, or some other hot climate. Fortunate fel-
low he's made a narrow escape, and it's my
opinion the neighbOrs ought to meet and get up
a congratulatOry address: but | don't suppose
they'll do it. wonder if he used his squibber
again this time! Guess he's got somebody's
door-key, with hole drilled in the barrel, for
a touch-hole It's all the same to me, whether
he shoots squibs or cannon his shots are all
harmless.
lie says something about undergr, und rail-
roads, bat can tell him that don't patronize
anything that's dark or secre; in its operations,
and especially underground travelling. What
ever do, do openly and above-board, and it'll
take something more startling than his, or any
body else's hOop-and-bonnet squibs to frighten
me out OF the even tenor ofmy way. | tell you
it's all lost time. Tm opposed to hoops, and
the little, round, ridiculous, good-fornothing,
anti-commOn-sense bOnnets of the present fast
age, and Theophius can't bulge me an inch
from my course of opposition to them, even
though he were to shoot his very biggest gun,
and hit me right in the most vital parts. | be-
lieve they're most Outrageously ugly most su-
premely ridiculous. most confoundedy uncom-
irritable, most abominably unhealthy, and most
plainly, entirely, pre-eminently and undeniaby
useless and that lady respectfully and plain
ly attired in neat and becoming costume as far
exceeds your hoop encase3, miniature bonnet
surmounted, aOuncifed fashionables. in point OF
beauty, as an angel surpasses an inflated air.
balloon. tell you it's so. I've got common
siDse on my side, and everybody with common
sense and independence to do what's right
when they know what right is, knows that rm
right, and that hoops, founces and snail-shell-
bonnets ought to be instantaneously abolished.
But some people haven't got moral courage
enough to speak their mind when they ought
to, for fear they'll hurt somebody's feelings, or
that somebody else won't think as .hey do.
! remember when the first hooped- skirts made
their appearance in our town. It was on a
clear, beautiful, pleasant evening, about sun
set, when many of the citizens were congEe.
gated about the corners, and | shall never for
get the sensation that was produced among the
crowd. All eyes were turned in the direction
of the approaching mass Of crinoline, and SO
deeply absorbed were all present in the con-
temptation of the one object, that scarcely any
one dared to speak. But, it they didn't speak,
they soon had to mOUe,-and such scrambing
over boxes and barrels, and cellar doors, hope
| shan't see again soon. Some jumped into the
CUTTERS, and others tumbled over the curb
stones, in their haste to get out of the way
but all closed nbehind the fair-one as she pass
ed away down the street; and, as she disap-
Peared, general criticism was opened on the
innOUatiOn." Horrible absurd !-outland.
Ish foolish !-intOlerable !-were common ex.
Pressions, and all joined in denounc .ng the new
fashion as unbecoming aud ridiculous in the
extreme. They thought it pOuldn't take that
was ii,-and so :hey could speak what they
thought. That's poor human nature! Bot
now they have become popular among the
"ton," and the song is quite different People
think they're so graceful, and so they'll con-
tinue to think till the fashion becomes defunct,
and then everybody'll say they aIaOays hated
them, they never could bear them, and 80 on
Now. Theophlus is one of this class, and if you'll
visit him after hoops cease to be the rage, he'll
tell you he was always opposed to them
That's his nature, but it's not mine. can re-
peat to-day what said yesterday, aud then say
the same again tomorrow, and stand by it as
long as live. But my sheet is full. I'll talk
about that Gas Mandatory another time.
BY the way. IL your printers don't mind how
they change my words, I'll give some of them
piece of my mind. Yours,
Smyrna, March 26th, 1857. .'
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