Delaware weekly Republican. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1841-188?, 1857-04-09
HUMOROUS.

44OG1O4 4sV W.
A SioN-MEANT.-A painter being employed
TO paint A. s. Camp on tavern sign, omitted
the points, so that the 'topers read it, GA
Scamp" and deserted the tavern.
The Albany Atlas does not believe DR..
Holmes theory that the New Englanders are
degenerating for want of limestone in the soil
TO form the bones, but thinks ssthe trouble il
that they are, like sharks, running all to head
and the head running all to mouth"
BryOn is said to have remarked that ssthe
greatest trialto a woman's beauty is the un-
graceful act of eating eggs.'' Some Yankee
remarks that the poet could never have seen
lady hanging on by the teeth to blazing hot
corn cob" aU r.
| The old gentleman who thought he could
stop a rat hole with roasted cheese, has lust
been overtaken by another hallueination, viz
That young women can be kept from knowing
'what's what" by sending them to boarding
school. fr
DR.. Durbin, the great Methodist orator, once
attempted to preach from the text, 'Remem-
Der Lots wife, and made failure. After
wards remarting to DIR. Bond that he did not
know the reason of his failure, the venerable
doctor replied that he had better hereafter lei
other peoples ,cipes alone
DREADruIl-The Garott6 Cotillon is being
practsed in Albany. The ladies' swing cor
ners. Having done this gentlemen place their
arms around their necks, and kiss them on the
left cheek. Young ladies screech, and fall into
young gentlemen's arms. Gentleman seizes
young woman around the waist and waltz to
their seats. 1t is said to be very popular.
Too MANY TEETH.--A man who wanted to
buy horse, asked friend how to know a
horse's age.
sBy his taesi-,',--.-s. is,s1 fvray-.
Inc next day tho man went TO horse dealer
who showed splendid black horse. The
horse hunter opened the animals mouth, gaye
one glance, and turned on his heel.
"l don't want him, said he; he's thirty-two
years old!''
HooPER ON IIooPs.-Hosper, of the Montgo-
merry (Ala.) is alone responsible for the follow
ing:
Last Friday evening gentleman of this city
was accompanying two ladies to the Panorama
of the Arctic Expedition when, in crossing
Market street, he stepped on a hogsheds hoop,
which flew up Gas hoops will do) and struck
him across his not very handsome nose.
'Good heavens, ladies' p he exclaimed
which ofyou dropped that7'
A Quaker lately popped the question to
air Quakeress as follows
'Hum-yes, and verify, Penelope, the spirit
lrgeth and moveth me wonderfully to beseech
hee to eleave unto me, flesh of my flesh, and
zone of my bone.'
'lIum--truly. Obadiah, thou hast wisely said
as it is written that il is not good for
man to be alone, 10 and behold, will So
ourn with thee.'
: In neighborhood where we once lived,
nan and his wife were almost constantly quar-
elling: during their quarrels their only child
q boy) was generally present, and, of course,
ad caught many ofhis fathers expressions
)ne day, when the boy had been doing some
hing wrong, the mother, intending to chastise
lin, called him. and said, ssCome here sir
What did you do that for a'' The boy, COM
lacantly folding his arms, and initiating his
lther's manner, replied, s'See here, madam,
don't toish TO hare any l0ords lrith you."
ow, Charley2'
eyes, sir, had fight to-day, too, he re-
lied.
"You had / Which whipped1"
"oh, got whipped" he replied, with great
ankness.
''was the other boy bigger than you2'
''NO, he was litter."
"well, how came you to let a littler boy
hip you 70
so, You see, he was madder nor Ituas."
The other day young lady asked green ()
oung clerk ofa dry COED store, il he ha d any
oSc. .
s'Yes, some pretty garden hose.''
80, pshaw ~ said the maiden, s1 mean
ockings for ladies''
'Ah,' said the counter-hopper, ''yes ma'am,
ere they are-very fne.''
"What's the price :"
aitffsNfptYRiqgs itfsatReF RIga.e cents"
eyes" sail the clerk, ssthey reach above
he knees"
The maiden vamoosed.
TAKING UsURY.--On u certain occasion, a
oted infdel borrowed a sum of money from
10 late DR.. Lathrop, of West Springfield,
ASS. When he came to pay it, he though to
ose the Doctor, with an argument from the
ible.
"You ought not to take interest for this
Ioney, for the Jews were forbidden to take
sury 70
"Oh, no. said the Doctor, s'you forget the
ews were indeed torbidded to take usury of
heir own people, but were allowed to take ii
{ the heathenl"
The application was too direct to be mis-
lken, and the man was quite willing to drop
ne argument and pay the money.
-
The Rev. MIR. Peters, of Attleboro', was
lightly eccentric in his habits, and this en-
Duraged his people to be free-and-easy with
i'm. One time he was wandering over the
ills, and got lost in the woods. At last he
lme upon party of men burning wood for
d not recognize them, though they were his
Tn parisaioners. Approaching them he said:
''Can you tell me who l am, where l am
ON, and where l am going7'
To which they replied, "You are Parson
eters, you come from Attleboro', and You arc
ing to the wicked place."
The parson responded s'From the looks of
inhabitants, shoald think had got there
ready -
STUBBoRS.-A big stripping, awkward
uth, fresh from Vermont, once entered the
INNER Academy at Byfeld, Mass. At that
ne the boys and girlswere kept in one apart
ant, only the middle aisle separating them.
le day, this Vermont stripping, who had just
en- helping one of the girls through a hard
IN, thought it not more than fair that he
ould take toll for his services; accordingly
threw his stalwart arm around the rosy dam
and gave her sly but rousing smack which q
lrtled the whole assembly.
''Jedediah Tower, come up her l'' roared
/ the preceptor. .I
The delinquent appeared, his face glowing
tn bushes like red-hot warming-pan-and
oking as silly as ninny.
TInlA nt,N. ,;,