Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1857-05-15
The Bachelor aud Baby.

perfect rage of doubt, looking first at the
mapping babe in the little willow cradle,
and then at the busy French clock on the
mantle shelf. ... az ,a..... -,,..
''As sure as my name is Joseph Phelps,
that little. two listed. large lunged neph-
ew of mine is about waking, aud it wants
one whole hour Of the time which its mo.
ther appointed for her return. Whew
l actually sweat. thinking about it. What
can do with it, how can l treat it TO
sugar what dye call ems. or hold it. or
trot it. or do anything wiIhtit? ..f ..., :
AT this juncture, u faint vail from the
baby receptacle brought bachelor Joseph
TO his tabs. With an energy and alacri.
ty that would not lily become husband
and baby tender, he commenced rocking
the cradle; St ndiny the indignant baby 10.
to perfect IretuUr of kicks and squalls.
Backwards and forw ards, from one side
of the pillow TO the other. the round, red
lace rolled; the infant fists were clenched
With tolee that urpled them; while
HOIn the white, plump throat, came II cry
chat set the bachelor Wild with fear. =
Again Joe looked At the clock. .
What IA The deuce cUa do 20 he ex-
claimed. viewing woetully the little in
umnIcd face Oeiure him.
He SAT down iu big chair before ba>
by-spread double cradle quilt over his
knees. aud 1iIh look ul terror upon his
face. proceeded 10 lake baby from its rest
ing place. he drew the young hopeful
INTO his lap. just rs very neat old lady
would pick up pocket handkerchief, with
his thumbs and fingers. A tIesh yell
from the rosy mouth of the baby was The
only expression OI thanks as he commen-
cvd the never -o1t-,ftasho baby trOt.
1t must be that something is prick.
ing him. Shoo! shoe - said Joe, cons
menctng u search for the aSgtavating pin,
that was driVing the child into such II
rage. But she pin was not 10 be found, and
he made al attempt to turn baby over,
but OH, the elumsiness Jf his tingers-the
little eel like form fell out OF his lap to
the door. sending forth a cry that was
louder, clearer. deadlier than before.
Lord save me! I've broken it's
neck !'rwas the exclamation as he picked
baby up. and in the agony of despair tried
to quiet him. A thought struck Joe.-
He saw, basque hanging against the wall
Of the adjoining bedroom, and with Il
Gmile Of delight upon his countenance,
he went for it. Sure enough. there it
Was. stutfing. bodice and all real
monument of feminine Ingenuity. He was
wild with joy. He pinned it over his
coat aud fastened the sleeves behind him.
He took baby and laid its head against
the false breast work. d. ..
Shades of Southern plantations and
cotton factories ~ exclaimed Joe, as baby
rooted its nose into it about a mile, d
then cuddled1 for u snooze. Then the
bachelor commenced singing Ir.... ..7
80 Women are all a feetng show s f.,f
81 For mans AelIsIon given; '...
When filled with bran and stuffed with tow,
They look weIl''--r ,.F ..
A7tap'upon the door stopped Joe in the
midst Of hts suggestive song: and before
he had time to disarray himself, the door
was opened. and roguish, laughing pair
OF eyes peered in uponhim. ~ -
:'Your sister is not at home, is she 2"
chirruped the visitor. t.s .f
No. ma'am, - stammered Joe. grow
ing very red in 'thA face; a. and have
turned nurse." sr... n. s..a... -'l mi
Miss Hays laughed: offered to relieve
him OF hIs'charge. which he willingly con-
senteda to; sitting near by. the while, iu-
teRtly watct ing her. She managed ba.
by to- a. charm; without the basque and
Joe,was cap;ivsted. - 9s.-f ~ },,,,
Joseph Phelps married Fanny HAYS
upon my word be he did, s'aa l,rFlT7
~:A long. lean. gaunt Yankee en-
tered drug store and asked,A gr'Fa
"Be you the drugger?" s@ ma
e"Well. L 'spose so. 1 sell drugs P'l 4
a''WAAs have you got any of this ere
Gcentin'?" 10 r7sr7Sa9...I q : g.. g.. .ars;of
:'IohI yes:'H
"WalI, otr Sails gwine to get married.
ana she gin me ninepence. and told me to
invest the hull mount in scentin stuff, SOS
70 make her stink sweet. if 1 could hud
some 20 suit. SO il you've mind, I'll just
Inc fankee smelt round without being
suited until the ''drugger" got tired Of
him. and taking down bottle of. ,harts.,
horn said: ,-a-r-,,-.. = ~
..;"Hereis the very stuff. To get the
tpll strength you must, take good smell. !"
wall. jess hold on, let's have a 4 real
Il the Yankee was knocked down. but on
getting up and rolling up his sleeves.
~. q s2.sa as ...tasi5l8Hs Sl asals
~ op made me smell that tarnel. ever.
iasg9 supEoarin, stuff. and meow, I'll be
eN4d ie 1daFnatien il I don't, Jest give
you 8 lsstls smell of SXatmount FIRE isnd
,szis rssesaF 10 ssed is5IT -GA