The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1857-12-04

ach, drew load of potatoes fonr miles to mar
ket, and eventually drew prize ofnneiy-seyen
dollars in a lottery"
O-An old negro crossing the river ffore
d dancing froIic, lost his oars, and came near
swamping. In terror, he fell down on his knees,
aad exclaimed, % massa Lord, if ebber gwine
10 help old Ira, now's &c time!
Ga student Of medicine 10 Michigan
having courtrd girl year and got The mitt@n
has turned and sued her father for the visits
be paid her.
UF WHAT Is DAvDY?-A thing in panta-
looms. with a body and two arms--a head
without brains, and cigar stuck in a ho!s
befoFe-tight boots--a cane--a scented white
notwithstanding coIlar--two brooches
and snowy ring on his little finger.
------.----------------------
G|At trial of three year-oId colts, at the
Oneida County fair, Job Crocker was trotting
his tall, gaunt colt at full speed, and in soeh an
eager manner-with his head stretched forward
and his mouth wide open-as 10 attract the
crowd, when Donaldson sung out, ''Shut your
mouth, JOB, or the draught will stop your
horse"
GA fellow was invited to party, one
evening, where there was music, both vocal
and instrumental. On the following morning,
be met one ofthe guests, who said, "Wel how
did you enjoy Yourself last nighta were not the
quartettes excellent2" really, I cart
saw" said he, IS for l didn't taste them; but tha
pork chops were the finest | ever ate"
|WHAT Is MAN "A Young lady answers.
"a thing to waltz with, thing TO hlrt with,to
take one to places of amusement, TO laugh al, 20
BE- married to, TO pay ones bills, to keep one
comfortable" Not far from the truth
GA talkative member of Parliament was
reproachlng one of his colleagues for not hay
ing ssopened his mouth" the whole session.
"You are Mistaken he replied, ''for I yawned
through all your speeches"
UEThere is a lady down east SO higt-mindsd
that she disdains to own that she has common
sense. There are great many Of the same SOFT
10 be found in other localities.
Gz-The Philadelphia Gazette, speaking Of :
new prima donna, says -"Her voice is as soft
as roll OF velvet, and as tender Pair of slop
shop pantaoons."
u Brother jonathan thus describes steam
boat ssIt's got saw-mill on one side and grst-
mill on tother, and blacksmith shop in the
middle.'
Ralph Waldo Emerson speaks, in his
Representative Men" as follows, of Napoleon:
ale was a thief He was rude in the extreme.
He pinched ladies' cheeks. He listened %
hear others secrets He peePed through key
holes"
Gal say, Pat, what are you about--sweeP-
ing out that room 2" "No," answered Pat, 81
was sweeping the dirt, and leaving the room.
Why is lady putting on her corsets Ike
man who drinks TO drown his grief?
Because in so-lacing herself she's getting
tight.
GEThe age is becoming more refined,
"Root hog or die is now rendered as follows
penetrate the subsoil my porcine friend, or
early expect an obituary notice on your nniit7e-
ly demise.''
G5@The latest case of absence of mind is that
of young lady who, on returning from
walk with her lover, the other evening, raped
him on the face, and babe goodnight to the
door.
GA Jilted chemist finds love to be composed
of fifteen parts gold, three offamr, and two Of
affection.
! ~The Faaq who was "flled with emotion"
hadn't room for bis dinner.
! GEAn English barber advertises TO shave
anything-even 'the face of nature"
! ga clergyman, who was consoling young
widow on the death Of her husband, spoke in a
very serious tone, remarking that he was ''one
of thefew Such jewel Of Christian; you can
not find his equal, you well know" To which
the sobbing fair one replied, with an almost
lbroken heart: "I'il bet will"