Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1857-08-20
For the Tribune & Telegraph.
A Scrap from Counter.ju,nper's
Portfolio.
BY TIMON, II. D.

BY TIMON, II. d.
And down fell the knight-Burns
Obeying the mandate, the sleeper roll ed over:
And into the cellar fell two hundred weig nj
Or tlesh-not to a soft bed of clover,
But plump the top of Aunt Polly's patio.
"Well boys" said Ben Briggs, one cold winter
evening" Us he with three fonr other persons, in
Guiding myself, sitting around the snug, little
old fashioned stove in Dr. Baldwins store, shall
tell you of the joke that Sam Jones, Jr played of
his father, when they resided in Central New
York 2" We all Of Que accord press'd him to tell
the story. "Well," well was a favorite word with
Benz you know the old man" I'VE didn't know
HIM was one of the LATEST mortals that ever trod
shoe-leather, and he was always about half seas
over, they call it when a fellow is little tight
But the way he snored when asleep caution
to peace makers. Soon after dark he would go IL
bed, lie on his back, and soon loud enough to
wake the seven sleepers. In the course of two OF
three hours his better half would also retire, and
her first move when once in bed would be to s TOP
the old gentlcmans noise, which she easily did by
simply utterinS three magical words, viz: " You
roll over" Mrs. Jones always addressed her hus
unconsciously, aud sleep the remainder of the nigh
quietly"
Now" said Ben, before | forget it, will tel
you little story about this same old Sam, when he
was about eighteen years old His father sent hin
to live with neighboring farmer, and one day Sam
in hsfore dinnar and down in the corner
rest himself. His attention was soon attracted by
savory fumes t0m ae dinner, boiling in large iron
pot, hanging laziy over tho fire, in the capacous
fire place."
Soon the farmer wife left the room and wheth-
er the ID or the love of mischief prompted him.
know not, bat this know, that at his feet lay two
fine fat kittens 1t was but II moments work to
lit the cover of the pot and drop the kittens into
the boiling mass, and replace tho cover in time to
| escape detection
"Now, the farmers wife was good natured, easy
soul but she had way of drawing her words,
which made her appear rather l1dicrous sometimes
When the dinner hour arrived, the good woman
poured out into deep dish the savory soup,
and when all were seated at the table she took up
soupladle, TO serve out to her family The first
stir OF the ladle caused look Of astonishment-
raising her spectaeleS she tclaiined in her usual
| drawing tones Law me, this ere porridge seems
to be full of hairs a" Another stir with the ladle
brought to the surface the unfortunate kittens with
horror depicted on her counteuancs, and uplifted
hands the &" Cd woman exclaimed Why if them
pagUey kittens haiat jumped into this porridee
| mus t have left the cover off when / went down
cellar after apples"
sam wouldn't take soup for his di nner-had lost
his appetite suddenly, He never heard the last Of
his kettle of cat-so lp"-
At this juncture Ben called for a glass of beer
which he drank of, and then resumed his story OF
Sam Jones, Jr.
We'll, having finished that story, suppose you
want to hear about the serious joke Sam Jones' Jrr
played off on his father
i well. young Sam and myself were young lads
then and full Of the old Nick: in fact, young Sam
was chipof the old block " Well, as | was say
ing, theold gentleman took it into his head one day
to 90 hunting, aud he invited his SON ard myef &c
accompany him, which invitation we gladly aecep
ted Having provided everything for the hunt, not
forgetting ling of the ueedful, which the old man In
sisted was his share of the baggage, and to which
we gladly asscntc We soon started Off and alter q
wearisome tramp, arrived about noon at niue
clearing, where stood a log house the residence OF
Mrs. Polly Craw, a carpet Yves ver-she was iamii-
ilrly called Mother Crsw.J Entering the house we
soon made known oar wants, and she soep set sOou
getting some dinner. While this was in prepare
ton. old Sam being much fstgued with his tramp
lay down on the floor, and straightway fell ASLEEP
and commenced snoring Justify. Mother Ora"
found it necessary TO go down cellar after some Poh
for dinner, and the only way into the cellar was
through q trap door in the kitchen floor nn'
asleep At this time knew nothing of the method
Mrs. Jones took TO stop her husbands snoring but
soon learned. His son Sam soon whispered to M
to say ''you, roll over" and of course ! said 'yoA
roll over the words were scarcely out ofmy mou''
when over rolled heuneonscious sleeper, through
the trap door into the cellar, plump on the head o
poor old Mother Crar, who was at that unfortunal'
moment ascending the cellar stairs with the poff
for our dinner. The falling weight which was owe
two hundred, caused the unfortunate woman 10 ue
scend in manner tina; Threatened 10 break some
thingin truth she yielded to the falling body WIN
GU: the least resistance. The moment saw in VIVA
direction the old gentlemah going, sprang Il
his rescue, but Yves too late to prevent the eata'
trophe which inevitably followed At this excl'il'
moment young Sam went out, and was not zee
again for two days. With the help of her bGsoaA
who now came IN. we soon liberated Mother 1Fa'
from the body of the insensible Jones. Fortunate
: Old sam had left something in the jug when 500
+ enabled Us 20 resascita,e the two unfortunaies.
!, Ii. after this, any wanted TO excite old San
they had but to say, You, roll over"