San Andreas independent., 1857-11-07
My Cruelty to My Relatives.

| had an aunt coming to visit me for
the first time since my marriage, and
don't know what evil genius prompted the
wickcdness q acknowledge, with tears in
my eyes, that it was such) which per-
petrated toward my wife and my ancient
relative.
"My DEAR said to my wife, on the
day before my aunt's arrival, "you know
Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow well, l
forgot to mention rather annoying cir
cumstance in regard to her. She's very
deaf; and although she can hear my voice,
to which she is accustomed, in ordinary
tones, yet you will be obliged to speak
extremely loud in order to be heard. 1t
will be rather inconvenient, but | know
you will do every thing in your power to
make her stay agreeable.
Mrs. S. announced her determination
to make herself heard, if possible.
| then went to John Thomas, who
loves joke about as well as any person
| know of, told him to be at my house at
six p. NJ, on the following evening, and
felt comparatively happy.
| went to the railroad station with a
carriage, the next evening, and when l
was on my way home with my aunt, |
said, "My dear aunt, there is one rather
annoying infrmity that Amelia has, which
| forgot to mention before. She's very
deaf; and, although she can hear my voice
to which she is accustomed, in its ordin-
airy tones, yet you will be obliged to speak
extremely loud in order to be heard. I'm
sorry for it.
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked
speaking loud, and to do so would afford
her great pleasure
The carriage drove UPON the steps
was my wife-at the window was John
Thomas, with face utterly solemn as if
he had buried all his relatives that after
noon.
| handed out my aunt-shc ascended
the steps.
Il am delighted to see you, shrieked
my wife, and the policeman on the oppo-
site side of the street started, and my
aunt nearly fell down the steps.
Kiss me, my dear" howled my aunt;
and the hall lamp clattercd, and the win
dows shook as with the fever and ague.
| looked at the window-John had dis
appeared. Human nature could stand it
no longer. | pokcd my head into the
carriage and went into strong convulsions.
When [ entered the parlor, my wife
was helping Aunt Mary to take off her
bonnet and cape, and there sat John,
with his face of woe.
Suddenly, "Did you have pleasant
journey = went off my wife, like pistol,
and John Thomas jumped to his feet.
"Rather dusty" was the response, in
warhoop; and so the conversation con-
tinued.
The neighbors for streets around must
have heard it; when | was in the third
story of the building, heard every word,
plainly.
In the course of the evening, my aunt
took occasion to say to me, How loud
your wife speaks !! Don't it hurt her ?"
told her all deaf persons talked loudly
and that my wife being used to it, was
not affected by the exertion, and that
Aunt Mary was getting along very nicely
with her.
Presently, my wife said softly, "Alf,
how very loud your aunt talks"
eyes" said |, call deaf persons do.
You're getting along with her finely she
hears every word you say" And / rather
think she did.
Elated by their success at being under
stood, they went at it, hammer and tongs,
till everything on the mantle-piece clat-
tered again, and / was seriously afraid of
crowd collecting in front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt be-
ing of an investigating turn of mind, was
desirous of finding out whether the exer-
tion of talking so loud was not injurious
to my wife. So said she in an unearthly
hoot-for her voice was not as musical as
it was when she was young" Doesn't
talking so loud strain your lungs?"
at is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
"Then why do you do it?" was the
answering scream
I" Because-because-you can't hear,
If | don't" squcaled my wifo.
"What." said my aunt, fairly rivaling
a railroad whistle, this time.
| began to think it time to ovacuatc
the premises, and looking round, and Sec
ing John gono, stepped into the parlor,
and there he lay, fat on his back, with
his feet at right angle to his body, roll
ing from side to side, with his fists poked
into his ribs, and most agonizing ex-
preston of countenance, hut not uttering
sound. | Immediately and involuntarily
assumed similar attitude; and / think
from the relative position of our boots
and heads and our attempts to restrain
our laughter, apoplexy must have incyi-
tably ensued, if horrible groan, which
John gave vent to, in his endeavor to re-
press his risihility, had not betrayed our
hidtnr placp