Delaware weekly Republican. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1841-188?, 1857-08-27
HUMOROUS.

tNeF bfafo, Is contained in the wag's query to
s lis wife when she gave Ii IN some lIiin chicgen
n5th, u she wenif not try to-cosx that chick
ehJust 10 wade through the soup once more.
.Ay DEAR" said an Irish gentlemen to his
wlie, 81 would rather the children were kept
In the nursery, when am at home, although
should not object to their noise, If they
would only be quiet"
Did you ever hear of tho wife that wrote to
her husband in California, and commenced her
letter thus;-''0h, tell me not that absence
eonquors love l-tlle longer you stay away, tho
better like y0u7"
The first time that Jerrold met with Dubdin,
the latter sald TO him:
" Youngster, have you sufficient confidence
in me to lend me guinea7''
"fes," said the auth0r of Black-Eyed
SUSAN 81 have the confidence, but haYn'r
the guinea"
elbow are you, count 2" said noted wa9 to
a spruce looking specimen of the genius snob.
Slr," exclaimed the indignant swell, sswho
are yon, and why call me a count 3''
Mhy, saw you counting oysters in New
\ ork last week, and supposed You were of
royal blood" said the waC. Snob vamosed.
"Tough, madam-tough, did you say 7''
Said an irraseible board'r to the landlady, as
he was trying to carve what was ostensibiv a
ehicken-' \ es'm and were / to give NV
opinion of the fowl / should say It was old
enough to have scratched up the seed Of orig
maj sin when they were first planted "
Frgnchman-Madame, you charge yer meooh
) too big price for zat room.
Landlady-Oh you know. wa at tha vvo+a.-
ing places must make hay while the sun shines.
Ffenchrnan Gndignant)-Be gar, Madame
you z1ll nevare make 20 hay of mo, You Inpst
not zink zat because all flesh is grass zat you
can make hay of me.
A poor, emaciated lrishman, having calIeda
Pnyslcian, IN forloIn hope, the latter spread
huge mustard plaster, and set it on the poor
leiiow's breast. Pat, with fearful eye. look.
ing down upon il, said, s. Doctor, doctor, dear
IL strikes me it's dale of mustard for so Fiji
meat" 80
A younT lady, on returning to her fathers
mouse, after having been at soarding-school,
quite shocked her brother with her refined ex.
preSsions. . drclare,'' said he, one day, TO
us lather, '' our Sally has got to be SO learned
that can't understand above one-huif of what
she says; twas only this morning that She
.tlck po on tater, and called molasses'
treacie.''
There is a girl in Troy whose lips are so
sweet that they stick together, every morning,
oy the honey they distill, and she cannot open
her mouth until she has parted her lips with a
silver knife. She will be a treasure TO her
hnsband-nOl only on account of her sweet
ness, but because she can occasionally keep
her mouth shut.
A Coon PUN.-Among our doctors are many
lnyeterate punsters, One of them-a very
young man-was called the other day in con-
sultation, "a good iobe in itself,) in a case Of
small poX. The doctors examined the patient
asked,
9. Well, Doctor what do you think of tho
patient2"
hsculapius put on look of profound wis
dom, and answered:
6 | think, sir, that the man is to be pittisd."
=
AN OBSTINATE CusroMER.-'s are you an
Odd Felow2s
No, sir, I've been married a week."
mean, do you belong to the order Of
Odd Fellows ~
Men,
Thunder! how dumb! Are you Mason1'
:" No. l'm carpenter.''
OF temperUnce!' ~ = - = a - tn y.
''Contound you no; I'm the son Of John
Sniggs, the brckldyer.''
The qucriSt absquat lated.
DAN RICE HAS FIaMr. During the visit of
Dan Riee's Circus to Upper Canada an English
bully allowed that he could lick IS apy two
Yankees that ever was born" D IN doubted
tins, and Informed the EngIishman that in the
absence of 'fpair OF Yankees'' he might
try his hand on him. Ths Englshman off coat
and pitched in. Dan countered and hit the
Englishman under the left ear The English
man went up about five feet leaving his boots
behind Englishman came down again and
fell like log. '>-
Dan got a physician, bled the Englishman,
and brought him to. Having done tbis he sent
MN nome on a shutter The affair occurred
about 20 miles from Niagara. The licking was
SO Well deserved and so handsomely finished
oh, that it added to Dams popularity. The
lay after this be performed to Sl200; the day
lltetwards 70 Slf29. We got this from per-
son who witnessed the whole affair.
-
Michigan CeGtrIl Railroad, finding that the -
train did not stop at particular station. rushed
lor the rear car, carpet bag in hand, and Jump
ed oil. The train was passing at a spead OF as
miles per hour, and Ot course he struck the
ground at some little distance from the start
ing point. One foot struck the ground first.
and so heavily did he come down that the heel
OF his boot wastorn off, His second f ot struck
twelve feet distant from his first track, and the
boot heel was also ripped from his other boot
The man continued his rapid movemebts-bc-
ing thrown into all sorts of positiops-for some
istance beyond. He finely drought up no
less than segenty.fce feet from the spot where
nc left the rushing train. On picking himself
up, he was asked if he was much hurt, when
ne answered that he did not know, and imne-
lately picking up his watch and a number of
nus buttons which had been scattered by tho
shock, and sczini his carpet bag, be started
of, with his dinner toleraby well settled.
RAILROAD PoETRY.--A correspondent of tho
Broome County Republican describes his aunt
over the Syracuse and Bingh. mpton Railroad,
from Courtland, in the following poetical
strain:
$50 much wrote on Gourtland's bounds
and would have finished there, had not the
down train's whistle loud resounded throughthe
air. So shaking Fdirchild By the hand, who
said, come up again. bid farewell TO every
fear and jumped upon the train. Rushing
round the hillside, darling O'er the plain, over
the rivers, under roads, Van Bergen drove his
train. The moon threw bright effulgent rays
ON each small ripple's crest; the river seemed
a ribbon stretched across tile meadows breast;
the evening wind came streaming through tho
car with gentle sigh, and brought cinder from
the engine spang into my eye few and short
were tue prayers said, and ispoke not word
Vi sorrow, bat rubbed my eye till made Il
rcd, aud knew 'twOuid he sore the morrow.
We soon got home at ;he rate We ran, al an
lour just right tor retiring. and down from
his post came the engin man, anu the fireman =
ceased his iircing. And thus too will cease,
with this moral TO the t.le--be always sure to
mind your eye wheu riding on a rail.
MILITARY BuTcuERs N SpAIN.-Letters frem
Seville tell OF the extreme dismay caused in
that City by the recent unspArlng executions.
On the llth, on which day Caro- and "a others
were Shot, all the shops were shut and the
streets deserted at an early hour OF the day.
Most OF the victims Were artisans, native OF
Seville, where they had numerous relatives.-
The executisn tonk place at p, M. As al
ready mentioned, the criminals We're drawn