New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1857-04-13
CLEANING FISH IN BOSTON.
The Bostouians clean fish
By giving them snuff;
When the fish sneeze
Tho ,ro1as oonn off
From the New York Sunday Dispatch.l
How Tom Conwise was Caught Mapping.

Tom Conwise and Jerry salmen were fast friends,
and lived somewhere down East" People thought
somewhat strange that each should seek the society
of the other for they as dssmilar in character
as two men could well be- Tom was fat, jolly sort
of institution decidedly utilitarian in his views
fond of the good things Of this life Emphatic in tenn
permanent, consttutionally opposed to hard work, a
devout admirer of the Imam who invented Sleep"
and not much disposed to trouble himself about the
affairs of his neghbOrs Jerry on the contrary, was
atherlike nervous, restless little individual, whose
head was forever filed with some new project for al
tering the existing state of things. He was in favor
of pulling to pieces the whole social fabric and
ing it anew, without stopping to count the cost, or
taking into consideration the difficulties attending
such an undertaking. Following the injunction laid
down in Holy Writ, it mattered little to him what he
ate, what he drank wherewthal he was clothed so
long he could get chance to preach reform to an
attentive audience Tom and Jerry were both men,
bers of the State Legislature sent there from adOn
ing districts Toms constituents were mostly either
fishermen men directly interested in the fishing
trade while Jerrys constituents were for the most
part g yourselfaarm" men. hard.shel Baptsts,
Moral Reformers and the like. They had introduced
bill having for its object the removal of some restric
tons on the fishing trade, while Jerry sought to effect
the passage OF more stringent law for the punish
ment of seduction, Grim. con-, etc.
Jerry said Tom, as the twain entered the egis-
lative hall one morning Jerry my dear fellow you
know my failing. You know that its impossible for
me to keep awake this warm weather during these
long prosy debates. Now if my little matter should
be brought up for discussion while I'm dozing-I
know you intend to oppose it but then were friends
feiIow RVS me SNAKE Will S0a' 'ns'sS good
Twill, certainly" answered his companion, " if
you fall asleep will arouse you when the proper mo-
ment, in my judgment, shall arrive.''
Accordingly, they went in took their seats, and as
Toms mind was perfectly easy with regard to his
little matter' he was shortly in the land Of Dreams
The first thing brought forward for discussion was
tbp matt in into nd
Jerry got the floor, and walked into the subject
though his life depended on the issue. He went into
the statistics of the peculiar class of crimes under
consideration, he showed how alarmngly immortality
had increased within the last year. and expressed his
conviction that if the thing was allowed to go
checked his district would become q modern Sodom,
and every pure and woman in it would be forced
to seek a residence elsewhere.
Having got thus far, he nudged his friend Tom,
and then ended his speech as follows e feel the
spirit OF prophecy on me-, Mr. Speaker, when say
that if something is not done to check this business,
it will not only bring into contempt as people
but ruin our trade as well y
As he sat down he whispered into the ear of Tom,
who by this time was wide awake Now it's your
turn friend Conwse--the floor is vacant !"
Tom sprang to his feetin an instant, under the sup
position that his own bill was being discussed, and
fixing his eyes upon the Speaker with the air OF
whose whole soul was absorbed in the Importance Of
what he is about to utter he shouted out
g Mr.. Speaker, | beg leave to differ widely, most
widely, with my friend who has just sat down. The
individuals whom he is pleased to oppose form a
large and influential class Of citizens and while
have the power of raising my voice, Mr.. Speaker,
Shall never cease to plead in their defence. claim
to be one of them, Mr.. Speaker. (Iere there was
an immense sensation, and Toms wife, who had taken
her place in the lady's gallery to listen to her hus
bands eoquence, looked particularly savage.) l am
proud to number them among my friends. Many OF
my constituents Mr. Speaker-indeed may say the
most of them-derive their support from that hazard
GUS yet exciting business to which the gentleman
who preceded me is so strongly opposed"
By this time not only the Speaker but every mem
Der present scented SELL, and burst of laughter
greeted the orator, who ''cowed'' at once when he
found out he was speaking the wrong subject, and
then and there promised that he would never go to
sleep again during debate if he had to sit needles
in order to keep his eyes open.