Nebraska advertiser. [volume] (Brownville, Nemaha County, N.T. [Neb.]) 1856-1882, 1857-09-10
Iokef'S GeIHmn.


like to have your brother bite you, you
shouldn't bite him"
"Ho, mother, get out with your
whipping. IF you wouldn't like to
have me whip you, faint right for YOU
to whip me, are it
Some gentlemen being at tavern
together, for want of diversion, one pro-
posed play; ''but, said another of the
company, II have fourteen good rea-
sons against gaming.
"What are they" said another.
'In the first place" answered hes
81 have no money"
COP said the other, eff you hae four
hundred reasons, you need not name
another"
A lady is said to be beastly beauti-
full when attired in full set of sable,
otter, and lynx skins. Tits remark
able thing, in connection with this sub
ject, how much sooner the weather sets
in "bitter cold" to those furnished with
handsome furs, than to those not so
fortunate.
A Danish writer speaks Of d hut so
miserable that it did not know which
way to fall, and so kept standing
This is like the man that had such a
complication of diseases that he did
not know what to die Of, and so lived
on.
A pompous fellow made very IN
adequate offer for a very valuable prop
erty, and, calling the next day for an
answer, inquired if the owner had en-
tertained his proposition.
"No," replied the other, 'your prop
osition has entertained me-"
A foppish fellow advised a friend
not to marry poor girl, as he would
find matrimony, with poverty, .'up-hill
work."
"Good," said his friend, II would
rather go uphill than down-hill, any
time"
The DIFFERENCE.-A gentleman
having large sized six shooter in his
hand, was asked:
"Pray, sir, is that horse pistol?'
''No, sir" he replied, '-its only a
Colts !"
A bookseller advertises ''Dew chill
dren's books.' This is somewhat like
the man who advertised redchildren's
stockings-black mems leather gloves
plain ladies' fur sOles and mahogany
children's chairs =
There is a vast deal of sound phil
osophy in the vulgar distich--
'DiGerent men ttra--s-dilerent opinions;
Some ik Is leeks and some likes iisions.e
"Ahl my dear fellow said an old
man once to friend, II am quite weak
and broken down with age. | used to
walk entirely round the park every
day; but now | can walk only half way
round and back again"
"Did ye vote yesterday, Michael ?"
"Sure l did, according to theinstrac-
tions."
can what were the instructions %
'Didn't you hear them? gote early
and qfen!"
''What kind of wood is that?"
ats cord-wood," replied the chop
per, with the greatest nonchalance.
"How long has it been cut p inquir-
ed the anxious captain.
"Four feet, said the chopper.
Thoreau, the Concord philosopher,
says that if yankee hapoens to fall
asleep after dinner and takes nap. Of
half an hour, the first thing he does
after waking is to stretch himself and
ask-"what's the news ?"
: Men kiss the hands of women after
kissing their lips on probably the same
principle that children, unwilling to
leave the tempting fruit, eat the skin
of the apple after devouring the apple
itself.
The kind lady who sent us mince
pie, says Western editor, with the re-
quest "please insert," is assured that
such articles are never crowded out by
a press of other matter.
A Amodern writer thus defines honor
"Standing fire well, and shooting a
friend whom you love, in order to gain
J the praise of few others whom you
e despise." !"
''Do you keep the bar here y in
: guired a traveller of rentlemanly
: bar-room loafer, few days since
''No, sir, the bar keeps rae here"
! A country paper lately got up al
account of fire, headed 'Destruc
: tive Fire Eleven buildings, Tel
g Horses and One Cow in Ruins"
5, A patent has been taken out in Bos
S, tod for cleaning FISH, by giving then
l. snuff; when they sncezs, their scale
Y. come off.