Lynchburg daily Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1852-1861, 1857-07-25
DAILY VIRGINIAN.
SUIT LovENGOOD's SHIRT.
By 81, OF TENN.

l
| ing the Hiwasse) "weaving and moving along
in his usual rambling uncertain gait; his appear
| nnoo at once satisfied that something was
wrong. lIo had been sick-whipped in FREQ
| fight, or WINS just outgrowing one of his big
drnnks But upon this point was soon enlight
ened.
why, sut. what's wrong now!
Heaps wrong; dura mo skin if aint most
ded. Lite off that hoss, George an take horn
while take two tsbakng that everlasting flask
of his at me) an plant yerself on that log an
tell ye cf ken. but its most beyond tellin'. l
recken I'm the darndest fool out on Utaw scept
my dnd.ior he noted hoss, an haint dun that yet
alters in some trnp that cudent koch a sheep.
I'll drown myself sum day. see Of don't, just to
stop family disposition to make ID fools on
themselves"
'llow is it., Sut have you been beat playing
cards, or drinking. which is III"
Mara one; that can't be did in these parts; but
seem it's you, George. I'll ,el you; but l swar
I'm 'shamed-slck-so and-and- mad.
am.
"Yc know boards with Bill Carr, At his oab-
in on the mountain and pays fur sch a. l gifts
when | hev money. an when hevent any, why
he takes ono third outen me in cussin; and she.
That's his wife, Bets. takes out tother two thirds
with the battn stick, and the intrust with her
tongue, nnd tho inrust's noren tho princi'l--
heap more She's tho cussedes oman l ever
seed cny hew for jaw, breedin' and pride. She
cnn scold blister onto n bulls fnco rite tho
curl IN two minits. She outbreeds ev'rything on
tho river-and patterns arter ev'ry fashion she
hears tell on, from bussels to britches. OH shea
one 'en, and sometimes She two or three.
Well, ye See, | get somo hum made cotton truck
To make new shirt outen, and coaxed Bets to
make it. nnd about the time II wero dun hero
comes lawyer johnson along and axes for break
fus-I wish il had pixened him, durn his hide,
nnd wonder il didn't, for she cooks awful mix
ng- when she tries. I'm pizen proof myself
(hoidne up his flask and pecpng through n) cor
I'd been dend long ago.
"Well, while were eatn' she sped out that
his shirt stiff an nifty slick; she never
rested till she worm'd il outcn him that prep
rntion of flour did il; and she got few particu-
lars about tho proceedings onten him by 'oman's
arts--I don't know how she did it. perhaps he
does. Artor he left she set in an billed a big
pot of pasto-ngh onto peck Of il. an soused
in my shert IN lot it soak awhile, then she tuck
| it an roned it out 6at an dry and sot il up
| its ndgc agin tho cabin in the sun. Thar 10
stood as stiff as dry boss hide, nm II ratified like
n sheet of iron, il did. II were pasted together
all over. When | cum TO dinner nothn wud do
but must put it OH, We'll, Bet. an me got
| tho thing open after some hard work, she pulling
ut of the tails and me at the toiher, an got
into il. Durn the everlasting new tangled shert
say. felt like had srswied into nm old bee
gum an hit full OF pisants; but It wer like lawyer
| JoEnson's aud | stud il like man, and went TO
TO work 10 build Bots ash hopper. worked
| powerful hard and swot like hoss. and when the
shert got wet il quit its hurting;
"A,tor .ot dun took about four fingers Of
rsdhead, and orawled into tho cabin luft to
| take II snuzc.
Nv oil, when walked up | thought was ded
or had tho cholery, for ali the joints could move
were my ankles. wrists, kpees-couldn't even
move my head aud skasely wink my eyes-the
|
from the pint of the tails to the pint of the broad
nx collar over my years. 1t sot to close
! n poor COW dus to her hide in March. squirm
ed aud strained till sorted got 10 broke at the
| shoulders and elbows, and then done tho durn-
dest foolish thing ever did in these mountains,--
| shunled my britches off and tore loose from my
hide about of the tail all around in much pain
and tlibulntion Oh but it did hurt Then |
took up n plank outen the loft and hung my legs
down through the hole and nailed the adge of the
front tail Ia the floor before me. and the hind tail
| nnilcd to the plnnk whot sot on. Iunbutton-
ed tho collar and rishandf raised my hands away
above my hend, shut up my eyes said grace and
jumped through to the ground fore.
Here Sut remarked, sadly.
George. I'm dnrnder fool than ever dad was
hoss, hornets, an all. I'll drown self sum Of
these days, SEQ ef don't"
well. 20 on, Sut did the shirt come OFF,"
"I-t h in k-it-d-i-d. henrn noise
sorter like thriDg a single roof of house all at
onst. and felt like my bones were al that reach-
ed the fore. staggered TO my feet and took a
look at my shert. The nails had all hilt their
holt aud there it were hanging arms down, inside
out, and as stiff as ever. II looked like the map
ov Mexico iist arter one of the first battles--a
patch of my hide about the size OF dollar and a
half bill here; bunch of birds nest thar; then
some more skin; then paste; then a little
moro har; then Il heap Of skin; then more har
ski md all uurn
tangled. everlasting, Internal cuss of u shert.-
1t was picture to hook at-dn' so trds L. The
har hide and paste were about ekually devided
atwecn me and hit. Wonder what Bets durn
her. thort when she cum come and found mo
missing Spccts she thinks l crawled into a
thcket and died of my wounds. 1t must have
skared her good, for | tell you it looked like the
skin sum wild beast torn off alive, or a bag
what had kerried load ov fresh beef from
shooting match.
"Now, George, If ever l ketch that lawyer
johnson out III shoot him, and if ever an oman
talks about nat'nin' shert for me again, durn
my everlasting pictur ef don't Aatten her. It's
ritrbuion sariin, the biggest kind of a preachers
regular rtribution. Do you remember my dri-
wing of dad thro that hornets nest. aud then ra-
cling of him inter the kreekl"
Yes"
"Well. this is what comes Of il. I'll drown
myself some Of these days, see ef dont-ef
don't die from that awful shirt. Take a horn and
don't you try a sticky shirt as long you live.'
VyNIENTINE a. aIENIN1; lsCocrrs, have i'm