Delaware weekly Republican. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1841-188?, 1857-05-21
HUMOROUS.

i HUMOROUS.
Be not forward to assign reasons to ths
who have no right to ask. DAe
The man whose feelings were ssworked up
has ordered fresh supply.
When is a nutmeg like prison window .
When it is grated.
Why are good hus5ands like dough- W
men knead them.
Why must you dispose Of u bob-taaed her
at wholesale Because you cannot re-ta
him
NorniNG PrRsoxAL.--A change in th
weather is expected soon. We always we
come any kind of change.
A late San Francisco paper says that tn
churches there have determined to sing n
more long metre unes-they being too slo'
for the country and the people.
Did you ever sec Forti2 p asked city gen
| tlemun of lady frem the country, at the opera
| the other night. "See forty l'' exclaimed she
with an iudescribable sir-''I amt thirty fiv,
yeti"
An artist of our acquaintance drew horst
so naturally the other day that when be put OF
| the traces they commenced drawing him.
and the quadruped the other.
met her in the sunset bright, her gingham
gown was blue; her eyes that danced with pure
delight were of the same dear hue. And al
ways when the sun goes down [ think of tina
girl in the glngham gown.
"Why didn't you catch that coon when you
got so near him in the tree, Cufy ~
"Case, masSa, one Of us fell karthump on
the ground, and when / looked round l found
twas dis niger herself"
"Jake,' said an old farmer one day to his
mower, ''do you know how many horns there
are to dilemma !'-''Well, no, not 'zactly,"
replied Jake, ''but know how many there are
in quart of good Monongahela."
Old Gent.--1W aiteri'' Waiter.--sewhat
sir ~ Old Gent.-sBowl of soup, rare i''-
Waiter-s,on fork, sir, or in paper 2" Old
Gent.--''Tie it in my handkerchief, and don't
break the edge" exit waiter, in search of
to-morrow's paper.j
Which WAY you LIKE.-'sHow many knavos
do you suppose live in this street besides
yourself! !''-''Bcsdes myself Do you mean
to insult me fh-''Well, then, how many do
you reckon including yourself2"
AT festival which recently came off in Mia
CARA county, boy who did not get fair
chance at the eatabes, said some of the vora-
cious visitors had been starving themselves so
long in anticipation of the feast that they were
hOtiotr all The lUay dolvA, and he "could hear
the first mouhtfuls they swallowed strike on the
bottom Of their boots''
Two SHARPs.-An Old man picked up half-a-
dollar in the street. sold man, that's NINE"
said keon-looking rascal, $50 hand it over"
"Did yours have hole in it2" asked the
old man, eyes" replied the other smartly.-
''Then it is not thino,'' mildly replied the old
sgthpn fE ha SlArnnr
next time, my boy"
A MEAN EDIroR editor of a Western
paper having lent his axe to one of his sub
scribers, the borrower unfortunately broke off
the handle. On returning it, the man said.-
''You can easily getit fixed" s'Yes," replied
the editor, SSbut that will cost at least quar-
ter of dollar sWell,n rejoined the bor-
rover, fif you amt rather small for an editor;
here's tie quarter, but I'll thank you to stop
my paper at once.
A Methodist ministerial the West who lived
on a very small salary, was greatly troubled at
one time to get his quarterly Instruments He
at last told the paying trustee that he must
have the money, as his family were suffering
tor the necessities cf lile "Money 20 replied
the Steward, g You preach for money! thought
you preached for the good of souls 20 sSouls,'
replied the minister; 81 can't eat souls, and if
1 could, it would take thousand such as yours
to make decent 1neall"
SoLD.-sBob, HARRY smith has ono of the
greatest curiosities you ever saw
''Don't say WHAT'S itl"
sA tree that never sprsuts, and which be-
comes smaller the older il grows.''
swell, that is curiosity. Where did he
get it 10
4-F7rom California;
s'What is the name Of it2''
ssAxle-treel" !" was the answer, Esit once be-
longed to a California omDibus.''
Scene closes by the Sddden transition of an
ink-stand towards a half closed door.
He wore a haslIy wsscoat, on the night
when first we mgt-with a famous pair of
whskers and imperial OF jet. His hair had all
the haughtiness, his voice the manly tone, of
a gentleman Of eighty thousand dollars all his
own. l saw him but moment, yet methiuks
see him now, with very tilshy waistcoat,
and Il beaver on his brow. And once again
saw that brow--no neat beaver was there, but
q shocking bad-'un was his hat, and matted
was his hair. He wore a brick within his hat,
the changes We're all complete, and he wac
hanked by c0nstabes, who marched him up
the street. / saw him but a moment, yet me-
thinks see him now, charged by these worthy
officers with kicking up row.
The wife of John D. Hutton, ofPhiladelphia,
has LETT his bed and board, where upon John
wakes poeticul, and alyertises her and his bust
ness as the same time, in the following dog
gerel;
MY WIFE HAS LEFT my bed and Board,
For a few days, ior few days,
She left it her own accord,
When Twas out from home.
] caution all to this amount,
Now days, now q days,
DON'T trust her on my account,
For she is never coming home.
= A {
PARASOLS.
A lot of hackwoOdSmen were assembled, not
long since, in a tavern .sOut West, and were
relating the largest kind Of agricultural yarns.
After general statement of facts, one of the
circle, who had but lately returned from that
bountiful region, the praries of Illinois, start
led the wonder, if not the credulity, of his
hearers, by relating the following: sWhilo
gathering the corn from one of those celebrated
thousand acre fields, one OF the ears fell point
downwards to the earth, and in consequence
of its great weight sunk 10 consid era hla dantb