The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1857-09-15
Cousin sally Dillaara.
BY HAMILTON G. JONES.

s-A~AS-s - SWNAo.
We think it high time that Cousin Sally
billiard. Captain Rice 4 Co. were again
brought to the memory Of the public. They
deserve to be reproduced every few years
Especially will they keep our friends in a
good humor with themselves for at least q
week after the reading.
Scens-A Court Of Jussice in North Caro-
lima.
beardless disciple of Themis rises and
thus addresses the Court: ssMsy il please
your worships, and you, gentlemen Of the
jury, since it has been my fortune (good or
bad, will not say to exercise myself in le-
gnl disquisitions, il has never befallsn me to
be Obliged to prosecute 90 dirsful, marked
and malicious An assault. A more willful,
violent, dangerous battery, and finally !
more diabolical breach Of the peace has sol
dom happened in civilized country, and /
dare say it has seldom boen your duty to
pass upon one 20 shocking to benevolent fcel-
ings, as this which took place over at Cap
tain Rice's, in this county. But YOU will
hear from ttfc-Mitnesscs."
were examined aud deposed. One said that
he heard the noise and did not see the fight,
another that he had seen tho row , but didn't
know who struck first, and q third that he
was very drunk and couldn't say much sbout
the sacrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-l am sorry, gentleman, to
have occupied your time with the stupidity OF
the witnesses examined. II arises, gentle
nen, altogether from INTERPRETATION on my
part. Had known, as now do, that had
witness in attendance who was we'll 40
uuainted with all the circumstances Of the
case, and who was able to make himself
clearly understood by the court and jury,
should not 50 long have trespassed upon
your time and patience. Come forward, MIR.
harris, and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, n fat shufy
| old maa, Is ssleetle' corned, and took bis oath
with an air.
Chop Harris, We wish you to tell oil
about the riot that happened che other day At
Captain Kice's, and, rs good deal Of time
has already been wasted In decentralization,
we wish you to be compendious, and at the
same time as explicit a. possible.
Enthusiastically, (giving the lawyer .
knowing wink, aud at the same time clearing
his throat). Captain Rice he gin . treat,
and cousin Sally billiard she Gum over to
our house and axsd me il my wife she
moatn't 20. told cousin Sally billiard as
how my wife she was poorly, being as how
she had o touch Of the rheumatics in the hip,
aud the big swamp Was in tho road, for there
had been . heap VI rain lately, but, hswsom
ever, az it was she, cousin Sally UilliArd,
my wife she must 60. Well, cousin Sally
billiard then axed me il Nose he moutn't
60? l told cousin Sally billiard that he
was the foreman Of the crap, and the crap
was smartly in the grass but, howsomever,
as it was she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose be
mout CO.
Chops.-In the name Of common sense,
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by that riga
marole?
Witness.--Capt. Rice begin treat, and
cousin Sally Dilliasd cuy over to our house
and axec me il my vile she moutn't 20. l
told cousin Sally billiard
Chops.-Stop, sir, il you please We don't
want to hear anything about your cousin
Sally billiard and your wife; tell US about
the. tight at Rice's.
Witness, We'll will, sir, il you will let
Chops.-Well, sir, 60 on.
Witness. We'll, sir, Captain Rice he gin
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she cum over
to our house and asked me il my wife she
moutn't 60.
Chops.-There it is again. Witness please
to stop.
WiInoss.--Weil, sir, what do you want
of me?
Chops.--We want to know about the fight,
and you must not 20 on with this imperti.
nent story. DO you know anything about
the fight?
Witness.-To be sure fdo.
Chops Well, 90 on tell it, and nothing
else.
Witness.-Well Captain Rice he gin
treat
Chops. is intolersble. May it please
the Court, move that this witness be COM
mitsed for contempt, he seems to be triaing
with this Court.
/ Court.-Witnoss, you ere before court
OF Justice unlss you behave yourself in =
moro becoming manner you viii be sent to
jail 80 begin and tell ~ what you know Of
the light Vt Capt. Rice's.
/ Witness, (aiarmed) We'll, gentlemen,
Captain Rice he gin treat, and cousin Sally
Dilliard--
chops-l hope the witness may be ordered
into custody.
i Court (after celebrating MIR. Attorney,
the Court is of the opinion that " may save
time BY letting the witness 70 on 10 his own
way. Proceed, Mr.. Harris, with your story,
but stick TO the point.
Witness-Yes, gentlemen. Well, Captain
Rice he gin treat, and Cousin Sally Dill.
lard she come over to our house, and axed
me II my wife she nouns go2 told cous-
in Sally billiard that my wife she was poor
y, being ~ how she bad the rheumstios in
the hip, and the big swamp was up; but,
howsomever, ~ it was she, cousin Sally Dill
lard, my wife she mont 20. Well, cousin
Sally billiard then sxsd me II Nose he
mount 60? told cousin Sally billiard -
how Nose he was tho foreman OK the crap,
and the crap was smartly in the grass, but,
howsomsver, ~ it was she, cousin Sally Dn-
lard, Nose he moat 20. So thsy goes on
together, Nose, my wife, and cousin Sally
billiard, and they come to tho big swamp,
and it was up Al vas falling you; bat be-
ing ~ how there was log aoross the big
swamp, cousin Sally Dilliafd and Moss, like
gcnteel folks, ,they walked the log, but my
wife hoistcd her coats and waded through
Chops Heaven and earth, this i too bad !;
but 30 on.
Msnsss- Well, that's Ill l know about
the fight.