Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-05
HINTS TO vERDANT TRAVELLERS.


HINTS TO VERDANT TRAVELLERS.
Make your will before starting oft, and
bid an affectionate adieu your friends. If
you invite them to champagne supper the
evening previous to leaving, their affiiction
will be much increased.
Eudeavor to reach the depot in time for
the cars, or the wharf in season Tor the steam
er. 1t is inconvenicnt to be ten minutes be-
hind time also provoking to have the con-
veyance start while you are buying ginger
bread and apples, or newspaper,
Take your seat by the side of pretty
young lady, if possible, and ogle her out Of
countenance Insist upon her visiting the
dinner-table with you at the first station
house; and cndeavor by cross'questlonlns, to
lind out whether she is married or not, and
where she lives.
Bore the conductor with questions as to
how fast you are running, and at what hour
the cars reach the next stopping place.
Don't fail to ask if any accidents ever happen
on this line. Such things please conduc-
tor hugely
At an eating house bolt down your food as
though eating for wager, and in order to
get the full worth of your money, cram your
pockets with biscuits and soda crackers.
Chew tobacco in the cars, and spit such
nauseous puddle upon the floor, that the first
lady who occupies the seat after you, will
have her dress spoiled.
Ask silly questions of the apple.boys and
peanut venders, as they pass through the car;
It's an excellent way to exhibit your wit to
strangers
Take occasion to count over and display
your money in public rooms and in crowds
of people. Somebody may then imagine that
you may have more money than brains. .
Should little delay or accident occur,
hluStcr about. swear, bore everybody with
yoa, opinion of the matter, and eyaggrrate
The occurrence 10 those with whom you con-
verse.
Tell strangers your business, who you arc
and where you are going, without their ask
ing. They will think yon 4 simpleton.
Exhibit an ignorance Of the country thro'
which You pass, by appearing TO know all
about it, when in reality such is not the
case. Few people will find you out.
On steamer make tcrociouS jam to
the ticket office, and by your anxiety and
importantly 50 disgust thc clerk that he will
give you poor berth. Then 90 about COM
planning to the passengers, and ask to see
their accommodations. Take particular pains
to announce that you will never travel on
that buat again This will no doubt distress
the captain.
vt the table, crowd into seat before the
meal is ready, and on the signal 10 commence,
dive Ikea hungry duck into the first dish you
can lay hold of-cspeeially ifit isa rare one.
If lady sits opposite, do not, on any ac-
count, exhibit unusual civilitv, and it pos
si5Ie, manage to tread on her toes now and
thcn---accidcntally, of course.
If you observe person reading in the Sa-
loon or parlor, look over his shoulder casual
! ly and see what he has got ; and the instant
he closes the book dart forward and borrow
it for :.an hour or So" but manage TO keep
out of sight until the lenders patience is
completely tired out.
Ii you borrow instead of buy a newspaper,
do not think of returning it; Of course it
isn't worth while. Throw it down anywhere.
When You visit IN interesting location,
charter an ignorant guide to show YOU a.
round, and believe every word he says
Much strange and unique information can
be picked up in that way.
| st hotel table find fault with the catables,
and order the walters about in an authorita-
tive tone. Put on silly airs, and make your
self ridiculous generally. People will per
hnps, take you for noted character instead
ola Ounce.
A HINT TO MILKMEN.-A Dutchman
who had made a handsome fortune in Phil
adelphia by selling milk, started of for Hol-
lonl b;e bop,a with tvo hous of cold nicces