Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1857-10-31
Pump Carpenter Crossing Broad

way. cga
It was one of Mike Walsh's m~enlorabl,
savings, that it required more knowledge
10 cross Broadway than it did to be /,
bounty Justice of the Peace. 1t is reall,
dangerous navigation, and require, skillfnI
plotting to cross when it is technical,
allied high tide" in Broadway. It viii
he perceived that Pump met with quite
"a misfortune in crossing the street. Hls
soft heal struck against that of a bullet
headed African gentleman; but PumT
shall relate his own misfortunes:-
Everybody knows that Broadway il like
IA mammoth tunnel, where all sorts OF PEG.
ple. vehicles. and every conceivable trash
10 constantly being poured in-is always
full and never runs out. With the vino
in my favor. / watched a suitable moment
10 make a dive for the two-shilling side O
Broadway. No chance for funeral process
|sions across that great river of human iitt
and srolling stock" and the quicker vou
make the transit the better.
Away I started-zig-z gag here and there
-hither and thi her-a straight line is As
mnch out of the question as it is on the
u. & NJ. R. r. With great presence o.
mind and tolerable luck, | managed to EN-
gineer my way through, until | got with
in some six feetof the west-side curb stone,
when my head was longitudinally brought
into galvanic battery proximity with the
Uranium of the biggest and blacklist ETH
opian | ever saw. bred Scott and Bleed
ing Kansas! What a shock! How the
real estate round about trembled. The
repor. WAS heard for many blocks a%ronn.i.
and I saw stars as big and brilliant as rail
road dividends. The darkpy thought he
was Kidnapped, and called Justly for his
Republican police, while l took myself
about "a quick rs a bank can suspend
specie payments. This mishap a little
Iisconcer:ed me, though | was as cool as
e. cninher, AS | always am. | had pro
.ceeded but q few PAGES, ere one of the
Bloods ran against me and knocked my CT
gar ont of NV mouth. | charged him a
lime ard an apology, which he paid by
traits at thirty days sight. demurred
somewhat at this, but being assured thai
Il was customary to pay all demands now
in that W. y, had to yield, and pocket the
acceptance. While this matter WAS being
arranged, a hevy of ladies came sweeping
down the walk, as formidable as the 81
moon of The Chinese Eqninoctial. | saw
the imminent danger, and tried to aver,
it, but there was no escape, and IN less
than a mon.n the whole cavaIcade OF
crinoline was swinging SO completely across
be street walk that | was crowded, with
about y dozen others, into a beer-ceilar,
but not in time TO prevent my nice ne"
broad-cloth pants coming in contact with
Tie sharp end of n hoop that had mystic.
%riousIy escaped from its corduroy fasten-
ling. Rip-r-r.rustle and tear-r-hold on
there madam that Hoop-ing cough o.
yours is catchingi With a thousand opoi'
~j,pies-clieeks rs red as boiled Holsters
she showed me one of the prettiest sets O
norcpla;d tep'h ever made by a dentist
She probably very soon brought up in some
mi,Iiner's establishment. while hauled OF
for repairs, with the first ni'th part Of 8
man | could find. 0 what terrible thing
these Broadway crinolines are! They
make a lady look like a seventv-four unde'
full sail. | understand that n suit OF con
siderable novelty is now before one of tht
j.. Y. courts, in which the legality of erin
oline will figure a conspicuous part. A
gentleman was crowded off the side wall
bv one of these monsters. where he wa
considerably Injured by Il dray. He has
brought suit against the wearer of the
Hoop-o-potamus, and has employed goo(
counsel to test the constitutionallty 0
Hoops in general!
Hoorsi O. hoops, thou source Of endless talk,
Thou man-deceiver-take up all the waikiki
Thou DECEPTIVE compass of imaginary lines,
! Thou bass and whalebone crinolines!