Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1857-11-10
THE TRICTS i PLAYED UPON
MY WIFE AND AUNT.

nrsI Time since my marriage, and 4 don T.
know what evil genius prompted the wick
edness acknowledge with tears in my
eyes that it was such) which perpetrated
towards my wife and my ancient relative.
Ny dear" said to my wife, on the
day before my aunt's arrival, "you know
aunt Mary is coming tomorrow: well. j /
forgot to mention rather annoying cir
cumstance with regard to her. She's very
deaf, and although she can hear my voice.
to which she is accustomed. in It's ordina- /
ry tones, yet you win be obliged to speak
extremely loud in order to be heard. 1t
will be rather inconvenient, but know you |
wilIdo everything in yourpower to make
her stay agreeable. =
Mrs S. announced her determination to
make herself heard, if possible.
then went to John Thomas, who loves
joke as well as any person know of, told
him to be at my house at p. NJ, on the
following evening, and felt comparatively
happy.
/ went to the railroad station with car
riage the next evening, and when,I was on
my way home with my aunt, / said, "My
deAr aunt, there is one rather annoying in
firmity that Amelia has, which forge to
mention before. She's very deaf; and al
though she can hear my voice, to which
she is accustomed, in its ordinary tones,
yet you will be Obliged to speak extremely
loud III order to be heard. Pm sorry for
it,'
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked speak
ing loud, and to do SO would give her great
pleasure. H
was my wife--at the window was John
Thomas, with face as utterly solemn as
if he had buried all his relatives that after
noon.
handed out my aunt-she ascended
the steps.
II am delighted to see you." shrieked
my wife, and the policeman on the other
side of the street started, and my aunt
nearly fell down the steps.
kiss me, my DEAR" howled my aunt;
and the hall lamp clattered and the win
dows shook as with the fever and ague. l
looked at the window-John had disap-
peared. Human nature could stand i! no
longer. l poked my head into the car
riage, and went into strong convulsions.
When | entered the parlor, nay wife was
helping aunt Mary to take off her bonnet
and Grape, and there sat John with a face
of woe. .-r. dri
Suddenly, "Did you have pleasant
iourney?" went off my wife like pistol,
and John Thomas jumped to his feet.
"Rather dusty" was the response in a
warwhoop, and SO the conversation con-
tinueG.
The neighbors for streets around must
have heard it when was in the third
story of the building, I head every word
plainly.
In the course of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me, "How loud
your wife speaks Don't it hurt her 90
I told her all deaf persons talked loud
ly, and that my wife being used it. was moi
affected by the exertion, and that aunt
Mary was getting along very nicely with
her.
Presently my wife said softly, "Alf
how very loudly your aunt talks !"
"Yes," said /, 'all deaf persons do
You're getting along with her finely; she
hears every word you say" And lrathel
think she did.
Elated by their success of being under
stood, they went at it hammer and tongs
till everything on the mantle-piece clatter
ed again, and l was seriously afraid of ;
crowd collecting in front OF the house.
But the end was near My aunt being
of an investigating turn of mind, was de
sirous of finding out whether the exertlol
of talking SO loud was not injurious to m.
wife. So said she, in an unearthly hoot
for her voice was not so musical as it wa
when she was young, Doesn't talkin!
loud strain your lungs?"
at is an exertion,' shIieked my wife.
''Then why do you do it?" was the an
swering scream.
9"Because- -because-you can't hear
don It." squealed my wife. ga
"What?i said my aunt, fairly rlvailn
a railroad whistle this time.
l began to think it time to evacuate tt
premises; and looking round and seeln
John gone, stepped into the back parlo
and there he lay flat on his back, with h
feet at right angle to his body, rollir
from side to side, with his fists poked in
his ribs, and most agonizing expressit
of countenance, but not uttering a SCUM
Immediately and involuntarily assume
81 similar attitude, and | think, that fro
the relative position Of our boots and head
and our attempts to restrain our laughte
apoplexy must bave ensued, If horrlb
groan which John gave vent to in his e
deavor to repress his risibility, had not /
trayed our hiding place.
& In rushed my wife and nay aunt, WI
by this time comprehended the joke, a
such scolding as then got never G
before, and hopeneyer to get again.
L. know not what the end would ha
been, if John, in his endeavors to appe
respectful and sympathetic, had not giy
vent to such diabolical noise, somethi
between. a groan and a horse-laugh, that
gravity was upset., and we screamed
concert. *
Jewell, my lad, where are you traveli
this stormy weather, alone?" asked an
ouisitive landlord in the North part of V
= -. LII IF q