The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-08-01

assumed the look OF great determination, q
il he had undertaken an unpleasant job, bu
was resolved to 60 through with it at all haz
zards-and commenced pronouncing in |
loud clear voice.. with due emphasis ant
discretion, the cabalistic words, s'thirteel
votes! thirteen votes thirteen votes !"
In the meantime, Mr.. Martyr, not dream
ing of the insult that awaited him, bent hi
steps, as he was wont, towards the tavern
As he reached the Threshold Of the door
he heard the offensive words, 3thirteeI
votes, thirteen votes ~ pronounced
with frame trembling with passion, ane
fury strongly imprinted on his rubicund Wis
age, he abruptly entered the bar-room, t
confront the man who dared thus trihe will
his feelings, and attempt to overwhelm hin
with insult.
His eye, beaming with wrath, fell upor
the stranger, who regarded his whitening
glances with the most provoking indifference
and who paused not moment in his re.
citation, but continued to repeat the mad
dening words, s'thirteen votes, thirteer
votes, thirteen votesn'
The indignant Martyr next caught sigh
of Mr.. Smith, convulsed with laughter
"What is the meaning of this, sir" sale
ply he received was from the mouth Of the
stranger, who, with the most irritating per.
tinacity continued to bawl, even louder
than before, "thirteen votes, thirteen votes
thirteen votes 20
Martyr then advanced toward the stran-
ger, his frame absolutely quivering with
rage. "Who are you, scoundrel 2" de.
manded he in the most imperious manner
ssand how dare you insult me in this way?''
The stranger thought the rage of Martyr
was counterfeited, and ruse of Smiths to
win the wager; and the answer to this ques.
tion, shouted out in still louder voice
than before, was, "thirteen votes, thirteen
votes, thirteen votesv
81 will not put up with this INSULT
screamed Martyr, doubling up his fist and
putting himself into an attitude.
''Thirteen votes, thirteen votes, thirteen
votes," vcciferated the stranger ut the top
Of his lungs.
elf you repeat those words again will
knock you down, you rascal" said the in
furiated Martyr, with howl Of despera-
ton.
The stranger felt somewhat indignant a.
being thus addressed in thorude and uncer-
emonious manner, but he was determined
to win the wager, and raising his voice
bawled out with the lungs Of stentor,
''thirteen votes, thirteen votes, thirteen
votes -
Stake that for your insolence,'' shrieked
Martyn, suiting the action to the word, and
giving the luckless traveller box on the
ear which laid him PROSTATE on the floor.
But as the stranger fell, his surprise.
anger and agony, took the sounds of ''thir-
teen votes, thirteen votes, thirteen votes ~
Highly exasperated at what he conceived
to be base and unfair contrivance to cheat
him out of his wager, the stranger rose in
high dudgeou, still exclaiming in voice
which bOatswain in hurricane might have
envied, 'thirseen votes, thirteen votes, thir-
teen votes % and fell pell nell upon poor
Martyn, pounding him without mercy, and
believing out between every blow, ''thir-
teen votes!'
The traveller finally kicked Martyr out OF
the room, and as he closed the door upon
the unlucky illegal voter, he looked at his
watch--saw that the fifteen minutes had al
ready expired-gaye loud and exulting
shout. of ''thirteen cotes! THIRTEEN VOTES
THIRTEEN VOTES!" which made the well
kin ring again-sank exhausted in a chair
and claimed the wager.
THE TENNESSEE SQUIRE OF OLDEN
TIMES.
There fourished for many years, in q GER
tain village, in the good State Of Tennes-
see, an eccentric fellow who rejoiced in the
name Of Peter lizard; for many years he
filed the important Office, known in vari-
Gus parts of the Union as Magistrate, Al
derman or Justice of the Peace. The fol-
lowing is a sample Of Squire Izard's mode
of proceedings:
A gentleman by the name of McMurran
was riding through C, where his horse
lost a shoe. For replacing it, the black
smith whose name was Bildo, charged the
cool sum Of an eagle-or rather two sover-
eigns. Naturally indignant, our traveller
refused to pay such an exorbitant demand,
and was arrested at the suit of the son OF
Vulcan.
There being no other resource Mr.. MeMur-
ran was escorted to the Magistrates Office,
back of the bar.
After being introduced into the most au-
gust presence of the Squire, and the charge
stated, the following dialogue occurred:
"Well, sir, what's your name! 20
''McMurran, SIR"
s" Humph, Mr.. McMurran, no other
name ?''
"John McNurran, SIR"
"No MIR. Burron-no allies 20
"Of course not, sir have no need OF
one"
"Where do you live, Mr.. Carrion?'s
"My name amt Carrion-I told you its
McMurran."
"Well, Mr.. Benton, did you make any
bargain for shoeing your horssW
"No, SIR"
"Then, Mr.. Burton, you acted, slr-ex-
cuse me-like fool"
81 don't come here to be insulted, sir, and
no man shall talk so to me-" cried poor
Mac.
81 know you did, Mr.. Fulton-keep 81
lence, or Fll fine you. You acted, sir
don't contradict me-like perfect fool;
and let this be a warning, sir, never to trust
such scoundrel as Enos Bildo (the SMITH
further than you can throw bull by the
tail, Ito the plaintif,) | mean you--you
skunk. You'd steal the copper off you.
dtad mothers eyes, you poor, no souled
hog.
The sentence of this court, is, that you,
Enos Bildo, shall have two dimes for your
" ork, which is all it is worth, aud If you
say another word, Pll knock you down.
Clear this court.o
Fully satisfied with this verdict, and high
" amused with his adventure, Mac went on
his way.
This way Of confounding names was
favorite hobby of the 'Squire's, and ne was
adept in the art. On one occasion when nj
was a witness before the State Court, one
Of the lawyers undertook to pay him of II
his own coin. When the Squire took the
witness stand, the following dialogue oc'
CURED:
HWhat is your name, sir ?"
"Peter Izard." =,
"How old are you, Mr.. Lizard 2"
ssMy name is Izard-Peter lizard ="
"Ibeg your pardon, My. Gizzard, but
am little hard Of hearing this morning"
ssIzard, sir-Izard' ~
"Ah, understand! Well, Mr.. Buzzard
how old are you ?"
ssNow, look here, Mr., that's not my name
and won't answer.o :.
ssYou won't answer my question, MT
Trizzle? Well see about that! Now, sir
what's your age, Mr.. Dsissle ?"
The witness maintained dogged silence
"Perhaps he had better spell it Tor you
said the Court, choking with laughter .,
a