The Tiffin tribune. [volume] (Tiffin, Ohio) 1848-1859, 1857-01-23

hVVI %
Why don't some one write a chapter
on hoops? Yes, why don't they? II
would be strange, indeed, should woman
be left to the enjoyment Of this, or any
great blessing, without the eternal annoy =
ance Of meddlesome tongues and pens =
Strange If any attempt to doff or improve
the much .complained-of 'draggle- skirt
any effort TO recover her freedom from
tyrant oustom--should be otherwise than
ridiculed by her 'superiors' Strange if
taking the eternally gratuitous advice of
the opposite sex, she would venture an
improvement in customs, or attempt to
shield herself from the evils of her very
Objectionable attire, without Offering for
every meddlesome scribbler a subject for
attack aud ridicule,
Where's Punch? Where's Thacker.
.ay? Where's Beeoher? Where are tho
countless host Of satellites that 20 to make
up the solar system of ink aud gis?-
Strange that q subject so round and full
of interest to the race has not already
suggested itself to such wakeful minds
as worthy their prowess
Strange that some more daring 'fogy'
Of the pulpit has not ere this pitched in
to the hoops, as the long-looked- for An
Iichrist. Now that politics in the pulpit
is denied by the secular press, it would
prove, doubtless, most abortive subject
Of comment and condemnation. What
throngs would flock to hear exclaimed by
learned lips the gospel on hoops Cannot
we have sermon on hoops?
Yes, ridiculo them. you thoHghtlesI
boobies, and in your heart admire them
as a most glorious invention. Proiane
them with your tongue. d worship them
with the eye, whisper 'beautifull Ito
self as their lovely owner passes, and ad-
migingly pursue her with fixed gaze, un-
I til distance again restores your reason
and then trudge homeward muttering to
all you meet, 'Hoopsl disgusting hoops!'
We remember how you teased her
tormented her. ridicalsd her, ,lectured her
-and with preaching parlance warned
her Of the folly and fatality Of trails. -
Zoundsl how insultingl-Lady Scrayen-
gers, 'Draggle Tails, and host ofoth-
er cutting epithets 0 we'll we remem-
Der IT all! And when, forsooth, a noble
little Spartan Band from our abused sis
terhood dared to beat back the armed
hosts Of this despotio Xerxes, and appear
in short clothes. yea, in the pretty and
much admiredat;ire Of brave Mrs. Bloo-
mer, how your ridiole increased how
your indignation waxed hot--how every
senseless scribbler aud homeless lecturer
yePed ous curses upon the 'indelicate in
novatiouP Phow you oaricalured her in ev-
cry shop window, and upon every grog-
cry WALL how you laughed her TO scorn
-ipsulted her in publio--how you liter
ally shamed her out Of the FIRST substan-
tial dawning Of deliverance to her impris-
onment limbsl We can forgive. but can.
not forget.
Hoops, in moderation. are a blessing
We challenge the combined army as Wo-
mans malignant foes, TO show otherwise.
lmportiRept meddlers! what do you know
Of such things? Nothing. There's the
glove; take 1t up who darel Did you
write and talk more for our beneft and
less for 'buucome'--did you seek TO in
struet, rather than, olown-like. 70 amuso
The low life Of the pit--you would con
suit some fair victim 70 fashion. and learn
Of her how. through the blessing Of
hoops, she has been fortified against the
seyerest assaults Of summer; yes, with
the thermometer At SO in the shade
Thanks to hoops. women have now some
satisfaction in walking even ia the hottest
Of seasousl
OF Mani how little you know Of wom-
ans trials. No burden Of skirts TO
smother and trip you at every step; no
ridiculous customs lo conform to, as a
constant tax upon your freedom; free to