The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1857-10-29
THE pAOIFIO
Commercial Advertiser.
VARIETY.


What is q clerical error, Preaching three hours'
sermon.
Human existence hinges upon triAes. What is
beauty without soapl
Mr.. Dubois is 50 ~skeptical that he WON believe even
the report of q cannon.
Nothing checks the play Of the imagination more
ehectually than empty pockets.
Here's to internal improvement" as Dobbs said
when he swallowed . dose Of salts
It il said that the s pillars of liberty are stuffed
with the feathers Of the American eagle.
Ned las run away with your wife, said one
friend to another. is it possible IL truly pity his
sad nn;shAp ?"
Babies we're described, many years ago, as noisy,
lactiferous animalcula, much desired by those who
never had any
A young lady Icing asked why the noun bachelor
Is singular, replied. because it's very singular they
don't get married"
A down east editor advises his readers, if they wish
70 have teeth inserted gratis, to go and steal fruit
where his watchdog is on guard
There is a good reason why a little man should
never marry q bouncing widow. He might be called
+" the widows mite"
fA1Ir JAHs-somebody says there are two kinds
Of family jars; INTO one you put your sweetmeats and
into the other you put-your foot
A church is expected to last long If its sleepers are
sound
Bookkeeping taught in three words Never lend
them"
III BBITI LxCCSE FOR A WIPE BEATER--Vhe treas
ure which we value most we hide.
Punch says ga secret, warranted to keep in auy
climate, Is q woman's age" HORT Punch!
Rats are getting 80 scarce in Pa,.s that the price of
kid gloves has gone up to five francs a pair.
An English paper gives an account Of a tea party
OF sixty old women, who were the mothers Of eight
hundred and sixty-nine children ! They must have
had something to talk about at that tea party, we
should think.
THE WAY OF THE WoRLD.-First boy Say Bill,
then you're getting q dollar a week now"
Second boy-"well,y you might know that, by SEEM
all the fellers come soapIn' around me, that wouldn't
Q noticed me when I was poor"
In churches sleepy heads have always been numer-
Gus, but we never heard, till recently, of any one
claiming I" dead-head'' exemption, when the plate
went around. On Sunday, when the "plate was
being passedin - church, "a gentleman said to the
collector, $50 on, I'm a dead-head-Pre gotta pass"
French wit said Of a man who was exceedingly
ft, that nature only made him to show how far the
human skin would stretch without breaking.
A GExTIExAs's DIARY OF HIS Wires TEMPER
Nonday@a thing; no seeing through 1t. Tuesday-
gloomy and very chilly; unreasonable weather.
Wednesday-Frosty; at times sharp. Thursday
Bitter cold in the morning; red sunset, with flying
clouds, pretending hard weather. Friday@Storm in
the morning with peals of thunder; air clear after
wards Saturday-Gleams of sunshine, with partial
tha~; frost again at night. Sunday-A light south
wester in the morning; calm and pleasant at dinner
tine; hurricane and earthquake at night.
"As WELL As CAN BE ExPEcTEp."-The room is
darkened- The FIRE burns clear and bright; and
through . door that opens from the bedroom into
the dressing-room, one can discern another brighter
IRE; a towel-horse, covered with small articles of del
icate baby-iinen, a little cot, shaded with curtains Of
roee-silk and white lace; and on the tiny pillow a
small head IN a little many frilled and reeved white
cambria cap, and o tiny, soft, velvet face of dusky
red, the eyes 80 tightly closed as to form only two
lines, the mouth the same, and the miniature fists,
crimson as the face, tightly clenched, as if ready for
the " battle Of life" On q table, close to the little
swlng-cot was the bassineft--its central object and
chief glory being a large, square, white satin pin
cushion, frilled with lace, studded with pins enough
to Last q life, If pins ever did last, and encircled by q
s'iver wreath of the bright heads of the friends in
reed'@thev words, Welcome, sweet babe 20
Pat was hungry and got out of the cars for his re-
freshment- The cars very thoughtlessly went on
without him. Pats ire was up. "Ye ~spalpeen 20
he cried, starting on a run, and shaking his fist as he
dew AFTER the train "Stop there, We old stame-
vagin; ye mutherin' stame engine, we've got q pas
ssager aboard that's left behind 30
The following is printed in sober earnestness in the
Spir itual Telegraph To laugh would be improper:
q Meditatiye Domestic Wanted-Oneo of our patrons
IN Kalamazoo, Mich, wants q female domestic In the
6mily, who is meditative and would be willing to sit
IN the family circle for communion with the S~pirits.'
Mrs Partingron saysif she should ever be cast away,
she would prefer meeting with the catartrophe in the
Bay Of Biscuits 50 that she should have some
thing to live on