The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1857-04-30

sure recipe for the cure of that unhappy distemper,
Hard Times Were they to be asked the secret,
they would not hesitate to answer: -
"BE COMMENTED IN LIVING WITHIN YOUR MEANS.
4 MIDNIGHT CATAsTRoPHE.-The following graphic
narrative was written by the editor of the Albany
State Register, since parted company with his paper,
and both it and he passed from among U.S.
We stated a long time ago, that there would be
trouble some moonlight night among the cats that
congregate on the long shed in the rear Of our dwell
ing. We gave notice that we had wasted more wood
on them than we were able to spare-that We had
used up all the brick-bats that we could. lay our hands
on-that We had thrown away something less than a
ton Of coal-and had smashed q window on the oppo-
site block. All this proving Of no avail, we said We
had got a double barrelled gun, and percussion caps,
and powder and shot; and some morning after a
moonlight night, somebody's cat wouldn't come home
TO breakfast. or if it did it would be troubled with
the dumps. We gave fair notice Of our grievances
and what we intended to do about them.
Well, the moon came up on Monday night, with her
great round face, and went walking up the sky with
= queenly step, throwing her light, ike a mantle of
brightness, over the whole earth We love the calm
OF a moonlight night, IN the still Spring time, and the
cats Of our part of the town love it too; for they come
from every quarter-fiom the sheds around the Ma
tional Garden-from the kitchens and the stables
creeping stealthily and softly along the tops Of the
fences, and along the sheds, and clambering up the
boards that lean up against the out-buildings, they
sat themselves down, more or less Of them, in their old
trysting place-right opposite our chamber window.
I y aI MS we nlus III the aDSCrdCI, no OO1eCJOn. Ii
a.cat wishes to take q quiet walk by moonlight he
chooses to go out for his pleasure or his profit, it is no
particular business Of ours, and we hav'nt u word to
say. Cats have rights and we have no disposition to
interfere with them. But they must keep the peace.
They must get up no d~sorderly meetings, no unlawful
assemblies. If they choose to hold a convention they
can do 1t for all us-but they must GO boutitdecentl
and in order.
They must talk matters over calmly; there must be
no rioting, no fighting. They must refrain from the
use OF protane language-they mustn't swear. There's
law against all this, and we warned them long ago
that we should stand no such nonsense. We said we'd
let drive among them with 4 double barrelled gun
loaded with powder and duck shot, and we meant it.
But those cats didn't believe q word we said. They
didn't believe we had any powder or shot. They
didn't believe We had any gun, or knew how to use it
II we had. And one great Maltese with eyes liketea
plates and tail like i Bologna sausageD grinned and
sputtered, and spit in derision and defiance at our
threats. Every well!'' said we, every well, Mr.. Tom
Cat, very well indeed! On your head be it, Nh. Tom
Cat. Try it on, Mr.. Thomas Cat, and see who will
get the worst of it,
We said the moon came up on Monday night with
her great round face; and all the little stars hid them
selves as II ashamed Of their twinkle in the splendor
OF her superior brightness. We retired after the baby
had been put asleep in his crib, and the rumble Of
the carriages and carts had ceased in the streets, and
the scream OF the ten O'Clock train had died away
INTO silence, with q quiet conscience, and IN the con-
fdence that we should find that repose to which enc
who has wronged no man during the day is justly en-
titled. 1t may have been eleven O'Clock, possibly
midnight, when we were wakened from q pleasant
Slumber by a babel Of unearthly sounds in the rear
of our chamber. We knew what those sounds meant
they had cost us fuel enough to have lasted US d
week. We raised the window; and there as Of old,
right opposite US, Oh the north end Of that long shed,
was an aSsemblage or all the cats in that part Of the
town. We won't be precise as to numbers, but it is
our honest belief that there were less than 800 Of
them; and If one among them all was silent, we
didn't succeed in discovering which it was. There
was that same old Maltese, with his great saucer eyes
and sausage tail; and over against him sat q mon
strous brindle; and off at his right was an old spotted
%ratter; and on his left was one, black as a VOLTS
mouth, all but his eyes, which gla2ed with q sulphur
GUS and lurid brightness; and dotted all around, over
q space of thirty feet square, were dozens more, of
all sizes and colors-and such growing, and splitting,
and s~hrieking, and swearing, never before broke, with
hideous discOrd, the silence Of midnight
We loaded our double barrelled gun by candle light;
we put plenty Of powder and q handful Of shot into
each barrel. We adjusted the caps carefully, and step
ped out Of the window upon the narrow roof upon
which it opens. We we're then just eight rods from
the cat convention, and we addressed ourself to the
chairman (the old Maltese in a distinct and audible
voice, and cried +" Scat !;' He didn't recognize our
right to the floor, but went right on with the business
OF the meeting. "Scat!'' cried we aglin, more en-
phatically than before, but were answered by an extra
shrek from the chairman, and a fercer scream from
the whole assembly. "Scat, once!'' cried we again,
as we brought our gun to Il present. ''Scat, twice!''
and we aimed straight at the chairman, and covering
half q dozen others in the range. 'tScat; three tines"
and We let drive. Bang! went the right hand barrel
and bang! went the left hand barrel. Such scam
pering, such leaping off the shed, such running away
over the caves of the out buildings, over the tops OF
the wood sheds, were never seen before. The echoes
Of the firing had hardly died away when the whole
asSemblage was broken up and dispersed.
Thomas said we next morning, to the boy who
does chores Tor Us, 6 there seems to be ii cat asleep
out on that shed-go up and scare 1t away" Thomas
c~lambered upon the shed and went up to where that
cat lay, and lifting it up by the tail, haIloed back to
us, This cat can't be walked up; it can't be scared
away-it's dead!'' After examining it a moment,
somebody has been d Shootin' Of it, by thunder pa
said he, as he tossed it down into the yard. "You
don't say son' said we. That cat was the old Maltese,
the chairman Of that convention-but he Won't preside
over another very soon. We don't know where he
boarded, or who claimed title to him. What we do
know is, that it cost o quarter to have him buried or
thrown into the river; and if anybody owned him, all
We ask is, that he should pay US back cur quarter,
and the difference between his value and that of the
powder and shot expended on him. Well throw in
the ~vexation of being broke Of our rest, and the
Wickedness of using certain xpletiyes-under the
excitement of the occasion-which are not to be found
in any OF the religious works Of the day.
To You've Men IN BUs1NEss-In no wav. per-
haps, can a young man destroy his business character
more efectually than by obtaining the reputation of
one who breaks his promises. The mercantile world.
in placing under its ban the individual who allows
his note to be protested, is less unjust than is pcpu-
~ W go IN