The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1857-08-01

sun. Thar it stood, az stiff MS dry hoss
hide, an it ratified like a sheet of iron,
| it did. 1t were pasted together all over.
When cum to dinaer, nothin' wud do
but | must put it Oh. Well, Bets an
me got the thing open arter soIsc hard
work, she pulling at one of the tails and
me at the tother, an got into it. Durn
the everlasting new tangled shcrt, | say.
| felt like | had crawled into au old bee
gum an hit full of pisants; but it were
like lawyer Johnson's, and stud it like
man, and went to work to build Bets a
ash hopper. / worked powerful hard,
and swet like hoss, and when the shcrt
got wet it quit its hurting. -,
| :" Arter | got dun l took about four
fingers of red-head, and crawled up into
the cabin loft to take snuxc
Well, when / walked up l thought
was ded, or had the cholery, for all the
joints | could move were my ankles,
wrists, knees-couldn' even move my
head, and skasely wink my eyes-the
cussed shert was pasted fast onts me all
over, from the pint of ths tails to the
pint Of the broadax collar over my years
1t sot to me as close as a poor cow dus
to her hide in March. | squirmcd and
strained till | sorter got it broke at the
shoulders and elbows, and then | done
the durndest foolish thing ever did in
these mountains. ! shutiied my britchcs
off, and tore loose from my hide about
two inches Of the tail all around, in much
pain and tribulation. Oh but it did
hurt Then ]: took up plank outen the
loft, and hung my legs down throu gh the
hole, and nailed the aid.e of the front
tail to the floor before me, and the hind
tail nailed to the plank whot sot on.
| unbuttoned the collar and risbands,
raised my hands away above nay head,
shot up my eyes, said grace, and jumped
through to the ground fore"
Here Sut remarked, sadly:
" George, I'm darnder fool than ever
dad was, hoss, hornets, an all. III
drown myself sum of these days, see eff
| don't"
Well, go on, Sut did the shirt
come off?
"I--t-h-i-n-k-it-d-i--d. hearn
noise sorter like taring shingle roof
of ov house all at onst, and felt like
my bones were all that reached the fore
[ staggered to my feet and took look at
my shert. The nails had all hilt their
holt. and thar it were hangin', arms
down, inside out, and as stiff as ever.
1t looked like the map or Mckee list ar
ter one of the first battlcs--a patch of
my hide, about the size of dollar and a
half bill, here a bunch of NJ har about
the size of a birds nes.. thar then some
more skin; then some paste; then a
little more har; then heap of skin ;
then more har then skin, and so on all
over that darned ntw tangled, everlast-
! ing, internal cuss of shert 1t was a
picture To look at, an so tc0s l. The
hide, har, an paste were about elleally
| devlded atween me and hit. Wonder
what Bets, durn her, thert when she
cum home and found me missing. Spect
she thinks | crawled into thicket and
died of my wounds. 1t mast have skarcd
her good, for | tell YOU it looked like the
skin ov sum wild beast torn off alive, or
bag what had kerred load oy fresh
beef from shoeting match.
Now, George, if ever ! ketch that
lawyer johnson out, I'll shoot him, and
if ever an oman talks about fat min a
shert for me again, durn my everlas ting
picture eff don't fattcn her. It's rit-
ributlon sartin, the biggest kind Of a
preachers regular rit-ribution DO YOU
remember my driving of dad thro' that
hornets nest, and then racing of him ill.,
ter the kreek p
Yes"
| "Well, this is what comes Of it. I'll
drown myself sum of these days, see ct
! don 't-ef | don't die from that avn
shert. Take horn, and don't YOU try
a sticky shcrt as long as you live"