The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1857-01-28
Here is the best thing have heard for some

Here is the best thing have heard for some
time-anothcr dig at your State. In north
ern parish the district court was in session.
The criminal docket was large. The Jail had
some half dozen offenders in lone fol
murder, one for horse stealing one for hog,
stealing, and so on. During the sitting Of the
court young man was arrested and brought
into court for whipping his mother! He was
ordered to jail by the court to await the action
of the grand jury When the sheriff opened
the door of the Jail he was astonlshed to find
all the prisoners within, with their manacles
appraised, standing at the door, whereupon the
spokesman addressed the sheriff as follows:
eLook here, Mr.. Sheriff, what we have done
is bad enough, if you can prove it; but we have
not yet forfeited our right to be called men;
and, sir, | am authorised by my honorable
friends to say that no miserable rascal who has
whipped his mother can lodge with us--and
that's talk enough!''
The sheriff demonstrated, and had to threat
en- them with the posse before they could be
induced to yield.
AS the sheriff locked the door and started
away, the spokesman called to him: 'See here,
Mr.. Sheriff, you will please to tell that judge
he may scratch out that continuance in my
case-Pm ready for trial. Pic.
Many years ago, when new sects in New
England began to break the good old congre-
gational barriers, and make incursions into the
sheepfolds of the regular clergy, reverend
divine whom we'll knew--a man at once of
infinite eccentrcity, good sense, and good HUI
mor--encountered one of these irregular prac-
tltioners at the house of one of his flock. They
had pretty hot discussion on their points Of
difference, and at length the interloper, finding
more than his match at polemics, wound up By
saying:
"Wel, doctor, you'll at least allow that 1t
was commanded to preach the gospel to every
crittur.' ~
''True," rejoined the doctor, "true enough.
But then [ never did hear it was commanded
to "every critter" to preach the gospel
Common sense is the most uncommon kind
of sense we meet with in ordinary life; but VIZ
find good deal of it in Halls Journal of
Health occasionally, and couched sometimesilt
the most unpublished language. DR.. Hall says |
"once week is often enough for decent whit& /
man TO wash himself all over; and whether III |
summer or winter, it ought to be done will
soap, warm water and hogs hair brush, in
room showing heat of at least seventy del
grees of Fahrenheit"
When is wine like book? When it is red
When is wine likely to fly? When it has bees
wing When is wine likely to be taken ntq
custody? When it's drunk When is wind
likely to lose itself? When it's in the wood
When is wine like fossil? When it's id
quarts. ga..- Il
''You are going out again, this evening, Mr|
Tompkins?" eyes, my dear, to stag party
at Mr. Macrummels." Stag party! HumphE
guess you mean a stagger party, you brute.
This was stagger, and Mr.. Tompkns slid We
ry quietly into his boots and out the back way
A person meeting an old man with silve1
hair, and very black bushy beard, asked him
how it happened that his beard was not sd
gray as the hair of his head? Because
said the old gentleman, "it's about twenty year4
younger!'
They have new way of Matching chick
ems in the west, by which single maternal
fowl is made to do the duty of a hundred.--[
They fill a barrel with eggs and place he4E
on the bunghole.
The Boston Post has creditor the last liquid
remedy for badness, as follows: "Use brandy
externally till the hair grows, and then tak4
it internally to clinch the roots.'
Talk about "mysterious knockings," whati$
more mysterious than the knockings of twp
human hearts, set in operation by the magne
tism of youthful love?
There are some old and puzzling thingb
about our language. For instance, can any
body explain how it is that while we call j
shrewd man, man of gumption, silly mai
should be called gump? Il
Somebody thinks that if nature had design-y
ed man to be drunkard, she would hav
constructed him churn, so that the more bic
drank, the more firmly he would stand.
Impure words stain the tablets of a virtuoq is
mind, and the more we hear Of them the Less
nice becomes our sense of the refined and purd.
There is firm in New York, the name of
which is Lay, Hatch d Chuck. The CLERKS
are presumed to be all Shanghais.