The north Iowa times. [volume] (M'Gregor [i.e. McGregor], Iowa) 1856-1857, 1857-06-12
Dow. Jr. on Sharp Things.

These are the words of my text, as
proposed by an inquisitivc shad- belly :
Ofall the sharp things. We rthy friend
Whit wouldst thou call the sharpest
My HEARERS. This is round,
blunt world Of ours, and yet many con-
slider it a very sharp one. l know it
has edges rough as the teeth of a cross
cut saw, and some of them as sharp as
the fangs of sin. 1t is filled with sharp
sters, keener than caustic. Therefore,
take it altogether, the world itself IS
about the sharpest Of all things keen.--
But let us consider for moment few
minor articles which are supposed to
possess sharpness. A razor, my
friends, is, or ought to be, deemed the
shaTpest of all edged instr,tments-whc
it has not been too savagely used for
cutting corns and opening oysters; but
there are many "bIades' in the world
much sharper than the best of Wade &
Butchers; yet the knife that cuts off
friendships and acquaintances is, GER
talnly, a good deal sharper than any
"A pestilence, brethren, that cuts off
thousands of superhuous creatures at a
sweep. is indeed, as much sharper than
the scythe which Time usually sweeps
as the nose of nervous old mail is
sharper than the snout of a bull-pup, or
the stern of a Dutch galliot Good
vinegar ought to be sharp enough to
shear off every particle of fur from the
back Of bilious touayo at a single clip !:
bu: an acidity of temper in TIE human
make up will shave all the down from
underneath the feathers of friendship,
quicker than flame will scorch furae
from the carcass of picked goose
The double-edged sword my friends,
that guarded the orchard of Eden after
the original squatters had been driven
therefronl, was pretty sharp concern,
| tell you; but the will of q millionaire
that cuts off an expectant heir with a
"short bit" is much the sharpe" instru
ment of the two. Satire cuts keenly,
sarcasm saws; but ridicule cuts to the
bone more readily than either. There
fore, brethren, flourish the sword of
ridicule in the face of popular folly, vice
and every freak of fashion, when the
du}ler tools Of argument and reason prove
Intellectual. But let no "ridiculous'
paper be started expressly for such
purpose, lest it seen eth out and expo
seth private foibles with which the pub
lie eye hath no business. Recollect
that "to err is human," and that he
who sets himself up as professional
exposer of error is as full of flaws as
dog is of tleas. The point of the finest
cambric needle when magnifed by the
solar microscope, seems as blunt as the
butt-end of Judges death sentence
but the sting of a humble bee exhibited
by the same microscope, sharpens itself
to an invisible point, like the finest
pleading of wind-swollen pettifogger.
So, direct accusation may prove blunt
and pointless. while the sting of slander
is felt as if piercing with an invisible
point, and any amount of poison at It's
extremity. My friends, l don't much
Ike to again resort to defunct SEaks-
peare, for the poor fellows bones have
been Sc thorou 5hly picked by those lit
erary vul,ures whose own natural genius
but scantily supplies them, that it is dry
picking indeed i; but bear with your SER
want this once:
How sharper than SCR ren:'s thanks it is
! To have tootiloss chilli. -~
A toothless child-a little being that
apparently was not born to bite And
yet to have child grow up wholly des-
titute ofmasticators, were biting enough,
Heaven knows, to a parents pride. AS
to the "serpent's thanks" these are well
enough illustrated by the fable, which
you all remember of reading before you
fairly knew the alphabet how coun-
tryman found snake under hedge
frozen stiff as Presbyterian-how he
pitied the poor repti!e--how he took it
home, put it to bed and gave it some lot
'oddy, hoping thereby to infuse life into
the hapless creature, and, if possible,
set him on his legs-no, his tail-no,
TO sliding on his belly again along the
! path of usefulness how he succeeded
in waking him up; and how, no Sooner
had the varmint appreciated the general
warmth than he angrily began to wiggle
his tapered end, sparkle his eyes, dart
his forked tongue, and gave other TN
mistakable evidences of an inclination
to get bite at his kind benefactor.-
Such brethren was the manifestation of
the 'pizen sarpir.'s" thanks--and he
goi his head smashed with the fire
shovel. Remember this al We veno-
nous ungratefuls, and bear in mind
your doom. OF all things sharp, you
may set ingrati.ude down as among the
sharpest. A sharp retort my friends,
cuts keenly +; but it inflicts wound only
skin deep, and that quickly heals--es-
peeially in tie absence of (too) proud
flesh. There were according to jose
phus, a church singer, who once sound
ed G so sharp that il skinned all the calf
from the cover Of bis hymn book. l
dot him down as 4 sharp one, in his
peculiar line /; but yonder sits man, in
this very congregation, who is SO sharp
at a trade that he will skin customer
in three minutes--and SO nicely too,
that he never misses lis hide till he
comes to change his flannels. Really
brethren, hardly know what to call the
sharpest thing in this dun world
Among the fluids, nitric and sulphurie
acids occupy prominent position OF
inorganic solids, nitrate of silver. mus
tard and eanthariJes; of living, breath
iEg substances, men who fay tlnts and
shave their grandfather; and Of moral
principles. tha: which carves all the fat
Of erery personal favor. and gives dry
bone III return. | would say something