The Kanzas news., 1857-07-04
Vol. I--No. 3.
From the Nashville Union and American.
Sut Lovengocd's Shirt.
BY s*%*x or TENN

Sut Lovengood's Shirt:
Be s**** L. OF TENN
The irstone met was sSut' (after cross
ing the Hiwassee, weaving along in his
usual rambling uncertain gait; his appear
ance at once satisfied me that something was
wrong. He had been sick-whipped in a
free fight, or was just out-growing one of
his big drunks. But upon this point was
soon enlightened.
Why, Sut, what's the matter now?"
Heaps wrong; durn my skin eff haint
most ded. Lite off on that ar hoss, George,
an take horn, while take two (shaking
that everlasting flask of his at me, an plant
yerself on that ar log an I'll tell ye eff I
ken, but Its most beyont tellin'. reckon
I'm the darndest fool out en- Ctaw, scept my
dad, for he acted hoss, an I haint dun that
yet-allers in some trap that cudent ketch a
sheep. I'll drownd myself sum day, see eff
don't, just tu stop family dispersition TO
make id fools on themselves"
Glow is it, Sut, have you been beat play
ing cards, or drinking, which is it?''
'fNara one; that can't be did in these parts;
but seein' its You, George, I'll tell you; but
| swar I'm 'shamed-sick-sorr and
and-mad, l am
eye know / boards with Bill Carr, at his
| cabin on the mountain, an pays fur sich as
gets when hev money, an when | hay
ent eny' why he takes one third ov it outen
me in cussin and she, that his wife Belts,
takes out tother thirds with the battlin'
stick, and the intrust with her tung, and the
intrust's mor'n the princip'l-heap more
She's the cussedest 'oman I ever seed eny
how fur jaw and pride. She can scold
blister into bulls face rite on the curl in
two minits. She patterns arter ev'ry fashun
she hears tell on, from bussils to briches.
two or three. Wall, ye see, I'd got sum
home made cotton truck to make me a new
shurt outen, and coaxed Bett tn make it,
and about the time it wur dun, here cum
Lawyer Johnson along and axed for brek
flls-I wish it had pizened him, durn his
hide, and wonder it didn't, fur she cooks
awful mixings when she trys. I'm pizen
proof myself, (holding up his flask and peep
ing through it, ur I'd been ded long ago.
"Well, while he were a eatin', she spied
out that his shut was stiff an nifty slick; so
she never rested till she worm'd it outen
him that preparation owe flour did it, an
she got few particulars about the perseed-
ings to, outen him, by 'oman's art don't
know how she did it, perhaps he does. Ar
ter he left, she sot in an billed big pot owe
paste, nigh onto a peck owe it, an souzed
in my shurt an let it soak awhile; then she
tux it an ironed it out fat an dry, an set
it up on its aidge agin the cabin in the sun.
Thar it stood as stiff as dry boss hide, an
it ratified like sheet owe iron, it did, it wur
pasted tugether all over. When l cum to
dinner, nuthin' wud du but must put it on.
Well, Belts an me got the thing open arter
sum hard work, she pullin' at one owe the
tails an me at luther; an got into it. l
felt like I'd crawled inter an old bee gum
an hit full of pisants; but it wur like Law
yer Johnson's, an / stud it like man, an
went tn work tn build Bets ash-hopper.
l worked powerful hard an swet like hoss,
an when the shurt got wet it quit its hurt
in. Arter l got dun, l TUX about four fin
gers owe red head an crawled up intu the
cabin loft tn take snuse.
"Wen, when l walked up thot I was ded; !;
or had the cholery, for all the jints l cud
muve wur my ankles, wrist, and knees
cudn't even muve my head an skasely wink
my eyes-the cussed shurt were pasted fast
onto me all over, from the pint owe the tails
tu the pint owe the Droad-ax collars over my
years. 1t sot tu me as clost as poor cow
dnz her hide in March. / squirm'd an
strain d till got it sorter broke at the shoul-
ders an elbows, an then | dun the durndest
fool thing ever did in these mountains. /
shufied my britches off an tore luse from
my hide about two inches owe the tail all
round, in much pains-and tribulation. Oh!
but it did hurt. Then tuck up a plank
outen the loft an hung my legs down thru the
hole an nailed the aidge owe the frunt tail tn
the aidge of the floor before, an the hind tail
/ nailed tn the plank what sot on. on
buttened the collar and ristbands, raised LGy
hands way up abuv my he'd, shot up my eyes,
said grace, an jumpt thru tu the groun floor.
Here Sut ruminated sadly.
George, I'm a durnder fool than ever
dad was, boss, hornets and all. III drownd
myself some of these days see eff l don't.
"WeIl, goon, Sut; did the shirt come off %
"I-t-h-i-n- -i-n-k-it-d-i-d. Ihearn
noise sorter like tafin' shingle ruff off oy
a house, all at onst, an felt like my bones
wure all that reached the fure. staggered
tu my feet an tuck look up at the shut
The nails had all hilt thar holt, an thar it
wur hangin' arms down inside out, an as
stiff as ever. 1t looked Ike map owe Mex
| leo list arter one oTe the wurst battles-a
patch of my hide about the size owe dollar
an half bill here; bunch owe my har
about the size owe birds nest thar; then
sum more skin; then sum paste; then little
more har; then heap owe skin; then more
har: then skin, an so on all over that durn-
| ed new tangled, eyerlastin' I, internal cuss Owe
| shut. It wur pictur to look at-an' so
wur T. The hide, har, an paste wur about
ekeaIly derided atween me and hit Wonder
what Belts tho't when she cum home an
found me missin' Spect she thinks ferawl-
ed intu the thicket an died Owe my wounds.
1t must ay skared her good, fur 1 tell you it
looked ike the skin owe sum wild beast torn