The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-06-06

i u ~ From the San Irsncisco Golden Era.
e 4 SHORT PATENT SHANNON,
s ii Row, N. dos
Iwant the whole of your sttention while
/ expiate on the following: -
AZ we journey thro' life LET us LIVE By tho way"
Mr. HrAnrns: The philosophy Of living is
a first rate study, but it must be interlarded
with practice, else all the study is in vain.
To ponder all ones life time upon the plea
sures and benefits Of tender beef steaks,
pure VINE, light bread, mealy potatoes and
a yirtuous course Of conduct, and at the
same time practice upon boiled pork, raw
cabbage and rascality, is only staying here
amidst the comforts and lnxures bestowed
by an ever generous Providence.
Some folks, my friends-in truth | may
saw a fat majority--put off living to-day in
the hopes Of living tomorrow. In many
instances, they deny themselves the COM
forts of hog in the pen-the fowl in his
hermitage-the frog in his puddle, or q
blind donkey in thristle-patch. Anu all
this in the vain expectation OF being ready
to enjoy themselves tomorrow, which, alas!
to them never comes. But how should you
live to enjoy yourselves, and stretch out life
I to its full extent-say one hundred years.?
That is the period which every mortal should
reach-fye times the age Of puberty-the
same as do all animals. True, human ex-
istence has been greatly raced since the
whole world had to depend upon single
pair of whites to populate it; but there is no
good reason why you should not travel with
enough vigor to give your toes good smart
stub at the curb-stones of a century. Some
90 for a short life and a merry one; and
they are sure to accomplish the breyity part
if they persist in making themselves con-
tinually merry at the expense of nature.
Suppose, my brethren, make an arith-
metical calculation conc ,rning living, as
connected with the lengthening or dog-tail-
ing mans terrestrial existence. Suppose
a man to have charged against him the fol-
lowing, to be subtracted from his term of
life: .v1agas ss -sa u ~
.-. Years substracted
PROLONGED grief So
Early & excessive indulgence in bad brandy4O
Table excesses -. 20
Cares Of business -~ 60. 80
Wet feet and damp apartments 25
Disappointment i'll love (uncertain) say lO
| Pangs of conscience w
Over exertion of body or mind, daily 60
Total .. 235
As all these together amount to 235 years
YOU may well suppose that its subtraction
would reduce Il mans little breathing spell,
to considerably less than no time at alt; but
YOU must recollect my fcllow-cypherers and
sufferers, that every human, however, prodi-
gal he may be of his health, occasionally
does something which is put down to him on
the opposite page of the account book. Now
suppose the lf-same individual whom |
haye commenced figuring at, is in the end
to be credited with the following; let US see
how the account will then stand:
-, r. Years added.
Occasional fasting .... -... p Is
Air and exercise, to neutralize the effects
of bad brandy 80
Ten minutes laughter at good joke 40
Setting business aside and taking a flying
trip behind a three-minute nag %
Whistling unrequittcd love down the wind 10
Takin, pure schnapps after wet feet and :
clotaes ' ~
Rest and a mild cigar after fatigue SO
o. .. Total 100
Now, my friends, to strike balance be-
tween the shortening. by exccsses. OF Zso
years, and the, gain of prudence OF l9O
years, and the result Of said mortals exis-
tence would be 65 years-just 80 years less
than he ought to, and might live by little
closer management. That's so. Your
cutta percha preacher don't intend to dis
solve SO long as there is hominy in the land,
and oxygen in the atmosphere, and the
world remains a repository Of fun and rich
anecdotes.
Figures, my brethren, are dry fodder, so
now for ssa little more cider" l tell you
it's no way to live-it's bad management
to expose ones health, to overtax ones bodi-
Llv or mental powers, and then have vile
apothecarv stuff trotted tbro' him to get
we'll. Every scour you thus get is similar
to polishing ase-knifc with rotten stone
it grows brighter with every rub, but re-
markably thin in the end.
.sBetter to range the fields for health unbought,
Than fee the doctor for pJisunuus draught."
Our Young ladies-Heaven kiss them!----
all wish to live while they live-to enjoy
their beauty and natural loveliness; but
must make bold to- say they 60 the wrong
way to work. They resort too much to
the artificial to sustain them in their hopes,
at that period when their young buds of
love should expand into the full beauty of
bloom. have nothing to say against those
what-d'ye-eaI'e aI'ems?-hoops. They are harm
less contrivances, and withal, open, free and
airy-well calculated for a healthful venti
lation. But must protest, my dear crea-
lures against your tight lacing-your squeez-
ing Yourselves so numerically, when there
are so many more agreeable methods of get
ting squeezed always convenient. l don't,
moreover, admire your insect walsts, which
it seems If an extra pull at the strings would
cut sleek in two. The first and only girl
your minister ever loved, was slightly dutch
built: and when tra-tightened around the
middle, she resembled an s. Ohow ! liked
that figure. | also protest against chalk
ana paint. They stop, clog and choke up
the thousand pores of the cheek, and when
washed off. leave your skin as dry and shriv-
eled as a parched sheeps pelt. Neither eat
arsenic. as do the foolish ladies Of Austria:
for, although it may increase your strength,
give apparent soundness to your limbs, and
add freshness to your checks for time,
verify, YOU shall pay most dearly for its IA
vors. Ave. We shah he cut down like clover
that falls in full bloom
Don't live fast, my friends, for that is
over Eving-crowding life into an uncom,
Portable small space. Beware OF prolonged
excitement. An accidental or artificial
arousinc ones emotions and ideas is all
very good and perhaps necessary; butt q long
excitement. whether pleasant or otherwise,
always has double-back action attached to
it. which. Of q truth, is far from agreeable.
Like Patriek's gun, it is sure to shoot at both
ends. -.r...t... .--.s-.-...ss f.... l.r --.-.E
1--we calmly. slowly, moderately, system
atically, prudently but generously, gnily.
good humoredly, and always glad to know
that there are hearts in the world as happy
as your own. Don't fret and fume away
your life-substance in the pursuit Of gold,
in order that you may find enjoyment there
from in your waning years; for the DAYS
will suddenly come when you shall say, My
gold availeth me nothing have neither
tie power nor the inclination to enjoy it!
Then mavhap, You will says, will lay my
treasure up in heaven and havea snug little
capital to begin enternitv with. But this
won't answer: YOU must leave your riches
behind, to be lavishly handled by those whose
motto in all likelihood will be, ssLive while
you live, and let Death tumble at an empty