Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1857-09-02
The Lodges Private Closet.

termned to have their lodge room uone up
clean and nice, and it was unanimously re-
solved that Mrs. X. should be employed to
do the job.
After the meeting adjourned, the guardian,
who knew the inquisitive character Of Mrs. X,
procured billy-goat and placed him in a
closet that was kept as a reservoir for the Sc
cret things. He then informed the lady of
the wishes of the lodge, nd'requested her to
come early next morning. as he would then
be at leisure to show her what was and what
was not to be done. '"'
Morning came, and with it Madame K,
with her broom, brushes, tubs, pails DC, pre-
pared and armed for the job, and found the
guardian waiting for her.
Now Madame, said he, I'll tell you what
we want done, and how we came to employ
you. The brothers said it was difficult to get
any body to do the job and not be medd!ing
with the secrets in that little closet; we have
lost the key and cannot find it to lock the
door. assured them that you could be de-
pended on
Depended on replied she, Il guess / can.
My poor, dear, dead and gone husband, who
belonged to the free masons or anti masons,
| don't know which, used to tell me all the
secrets of the concern, and when he showed
me all the marks the gridiron made when he
was initiated, and told me how they fixed
poor Morgan, never told living soul to this
day. If nobody troubles your closet to find
out your secrets till do, they'll lay there till
they rot, they will
'I thought so,' said the guardian, 'and now
| want YOU to commence in that corner, and
give the whole room decent cleaning, and
have pledged my word and honor for the fl
deity of your promise; and now, don't 60
into that closet. And then he left the lady
to herself
No sooner had she heard the sound of his
foot on the last step of the stairs, than she
exclaimed: asr.
Don't 90 into that closetp I'll warrant
there's a gridiron, or some other nonsense,
just like the anti masons for Ill the world, I'll
be bound. will just take a peep, and no
body will be any the wiser, as | can keep it to
myself t1,a5L
Suiting the action to the word, she stepped
lightly to the forbidden closet-turned the
button-which was no sooner done, than bah,
went the billy-goat with spring to regain
his liberty, which came near upsetting her
ladyship. Both started for the door, but it
was filled with implements for house-cleaning,
and all were swept clear from their position,
down to the bottom of the stairs.
The noise and confusion occasioned by such
unceremonious coming down stairs, drew hall
the town to witness Mrs. KS efforts to get
from under the huge pile of pals, tubs, and
brooms, into the street.
Who should be first on the spot but the
rascally door-keeper who, after releasing the
goat, which was cripple for life, and uplift-
ing the rubbish that bound the good woman
to the earth, anxiously inquired il she had
been taking the degrees. "tg
Taking the degreesp CALCULATED the old
lady. If you call falling from the top to the
bottom of the stairs, scared TO DEATH taking
the degrees, have them; and if you frighten
folks as you have me, and hurt them to boot,
I'll warrant they'll make as much noise as
did about it, i.,fa, \,
Il hope you did not open the closet, Mad
amg 2o2ah
open the closet! Eve eat OF the forbid
den apple If you want woman to do any
thing, tell her not to, and she'll do it certain.
l could not stand the temptation. The Sc
cret was there and wanted to know it; so /
opened the door and out popped the tarnal
crittcr right into my face. thought was a
goner and broke for the stairs with Satan
butting me at every jump. | fell over the
tub and got down stairs just about as you
found us here, all in heap ."H H
But, madam, said the door-keeper, you
are now in possession of the great secret OF
the order, and you must 60 up and be initia-
ted, sworn, and then go in the regular way.
Regular wayp exclaimed the old lady,
'and do you suppose am going near the tar
nal place again, and ride tf6t are critter with
out bride or lady's saddle? No, never
/ don't want nothin to do with the man that
rides it. I'd look nice perched up on billy
goat, wouldn't /? No, never! I'll nevergo
near it again, nor your hall nuther-if can
prevent it no lady shall ever join the odd fel-
lows. Why, I'd sooner be "a free mason, and
be broiled on a>gridiron as long as fire could
be kept under it, and pulled from garret to
cellar with halter, in pair Of old breeches
and slippers, just as my poor dead husband
was. He lived over it, but never could
outlive such another ride as took to-day
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