The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1857-09-08
HOW SUIT. LovENGooD EXPLODED

=. His Experience aeih Soda Potoders.
Sut related the story thus: George, did
you ever see Sicily Burns? Her dad lives
at the Ratil Snaik Springs, nigh to the Geor-
gy line !" ..Yes. very handsome girl."-
Handsome that Wurd don't kiver the case;
it sounds like calling good whiskey water,
when We ar at Big Spring and the still house
ten miles off, an hit a raiHin, and yer flask
only half full. She shows amung wimen
like sunaower as compared tn dog fennel
an smart weed an jimsin. But thar amt no
use tryin' to describe her. Couldn't crawl
thru whiskey barrel with both heads stove
out, if it wur hilt study for her, an good
foot holt at that. She weighs just two hun
dred an twenty six pounds. She never got
in an arm cheer in her life, and you can lock
the top hoop of churn ur big dog collar
round her waist. I've seed her jump over
the top of split bottom cheer, and never
show her feet or ketch her dress onto it,
She karried devil enuf about her to fill a
four boss Vaughn bed, with skin as white
as the inside ov frogstool, cheeks an lips
as red as a pearche's gills in dogwood bios
som time; an SIGH a smile ! Oh, | be
drafted eff it is eny use talkin. That gal
cud make me murder old Bishop Soul his
self, Or kill nam not to speak of dad, eff she
list limited that she wanted SIGH thing dun,
well, to tell it all at onst, she war gal
all over, frum the pint ov her toe nails tn
the Longest har on the hest knob ov her
hed-gal all the time, everywhere-and
that ov the excitinist kind. Ov course |
leaned up to her as close as | dar tn. an in
spite ov long legs, appetite fur whiskey, my
shurt scrape, and dads actin boss, she sor
ter leaned tn me, an was beginning tn
think | was jist the greatest an comforta-
blist man on yearth, not exceptin Ole Buck,
OF Brigham Young, with all his radil cul-
Tered, wrinkled wimmin, cradels full of ba-
bies, an his Big Salt Lake thrown in. Well,
wun day a cussed, deceivin, palaverin,
stinkin Yankee pedlar, all jack-nife and
Jaw, cum to ole man Burnses, with load
ov apple parers, callicker. ribbons, jews
harps, an s-o-d-y powders. Now,
mind I'd never hearn tell ov that truck
afore, an | be burned eff | don't want it to
be the last-wus nor rifle powder-was nor
perk ussion-three times as smart, and hurts
was, heap wus. Durn him. Durn all Yam
kee pedlars, and durn their principals and
practisis, | say. wish had all the sody
powder they ever made in his cussed
paunch, an a slow match fixed tn him, an
had chunk ov fire, the Teller what found a
peace ov him big enuf tn feed a cockroach
ought to be King ov the Sultun's harem a
thousand years for his luck. They amt HUI
man, no how. The mint at Filadelfy is thar
Heaven; they think their God eats half
dimes fur breakfast, hashes the leavins fur
dinner, and swallows cent an dried april
for supper, sets On a stampin machine fur
a throne. sleeps on a crib full of half dol
lars, and measures men like money by
count. They haint one ov them got soal
but what kud dance a jig in kabbage seed,
and have room fur the fiddler.
"Well, Sicily she bought tin box ov the
sody from him. and hid it away from her
folks, savn it for me. l happen to pass
next day, ov cours I stopped to enjoy a look
at the TEMPER, and she wur mighty living
to me, put vul arm round my neck, an
tother wun whar the circingle goes roun a
boss, TUX he 'inturn on me with her left
foot and gin me kiss. Says she 'Sutty,
love, I've got somethin fur ye, new sensa-
shun'-an believed it, for begun tn feel
it already. My toes felt like little MINERS
wur a niblin at em-a cold streak run up and
down my back like a lizard with a turkey
hen arter him in settin time, my heart felt
hot and onsatisfed like, an then I'd cut
ole Souls throat, eff she d limited at needsisi
ty fur SIGH an operashun. Then she pour
ed ten or twelve blue papers ov the sody
inter a big tumblcr, and about the same
number v white wouns inter luther tumbler,
an put nj cato pint ov water on both of
them, and stirred EN- both up with case
knife, looking as solemn as a ole mule, in a
snow storm when the folders ali gin out.
She hilt wln while she told me to drink
luther, | swallowed it at wun run-tasted
salty like, thot it wur part of the sensa-
shun. But wur mistaken, all ov the cuss-
ed Internal sensashun wur to cum, and it
wurnt long at it, boss, you'd believe me.
Then she gin me luther tumbler, and sent
it after the fust, race boss fashion.
''In about wun moment an half thot I'd
swallered thrashing machine in full blast,
ur cupple ov bull dogs, and they had sot
into fitin. Iseed that wur cotched agin-
same family disposition to make oussed
fools ov themselves every chance-so
broke for my boss. ! stole a look back an
thar Sicily lay on the poarch, screemin
with latin, her heels kickin together like
she wur a tryin to kick her slippers off
But I had no time tn look then, and thar
wur a road ov foam frum the hous tn the
boss two foot wide an four inches deep
looked like it had been a snowin--poppin,
an a hissen, an bilin, like a tub oy hot