The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1857-11-06
HARD-sHELL SERMON.

pear here to expound the ScrPters' anu !
now pint out the narrow way when ieAu'
from vain world to the streets OF " nc"
Juroosalum. and my text which ! shall chuse
"a, ,bs occasion, is in the leds OF the blole'
.o,.whsrs between the second ChronIklIls
and the last chapter of Timothy Titus and
when YOU find it, you will ind II IN 'nese
words:
nAnd they shall gnnw file and flee unto
Cha mountains of Hepzidam, where the lion
roareth and the wangdoodle mourneth for its
first born"
Now, my breethering, MS have before told
YOU, am nm uneddicated man, and know
nothing about grammar talk and coolidge
hiphfalootin, but I'm plain unlarnt preacher
of the Gospil what's been foreordained, and
called to expound the scrpters to dyin'
world, and prepar a perverse generation for
the day of wrath; for "they shalt gnaw file
and flee unto the mountains of Hepzidnm,
where the lion ronreth and the wang-doodle
mourneth for its frst-born."
NV beluv-ed breethering, the text says
"they shall gnaw a file" 1t don't say they
,nau, but they shall And now' there's
moran one kind Of file. There's the hand
saw file, rattall file, single file, double file
and profile: but the kind of file spoken OF
hare isn't one of them kind neither; be-
csuse it's fgger of speech, my breetherng,
and means goin' it alone and getting ukered /;
for "they shall gnaw file and flee unto the
mountains of Hepzidam, whar the lion roar
eth and the wang doodle mourneth for its
first-born."
And now there be some here with fine
close on their backs, brass rings on thar fin
gers, and lard on thar har, what goes 1t while
they're young and thar be brothers here
what, as long as their constitutions and forty
cent whiskey last, goes it blind; and thar be
sisters here what, when they getabout sixteen
yenrs old, cut thar tiller ropes and goes 1t
with rush but sny, my dear breethering,
take care you don't find when Gabriel plays
his last trump, that you've all went it alone
and got ukered; for "they shall gnaw file
and fee unto the mountains of Hepzidam,
whar the lion roareth and the wang-doodle
mourneth for its frst-born."
And, my breethering, there's more dams
besides Hepzidam. There's Rotterdam, Had
dam, Amsterdam, mll-dam, and don't-care.a-
dam-the last of which, my dear breethering,
Is the worst of all, and reminds me of cir
cumstance once knew in that State of llle'
noy. There was man what built him mill
on the east fork of Agur Creek, and it was
a good mill and ground sight of grain, but
the man what built il was miserable sinner
and never Civ any thing to the Church and
my brsethering, thar come dredfu storm
of wind and rain (and the fountains of the
great deep was broken up) and the waters
rushed down and swept that mans mll-dam
into kingdom come and 10 and behold, in the
morning when he got up he found he was
not worth dam. Now, my young breether-
ing, when storms of temptations overtake
you, take care you don't fall from grace, and
become like that mans mill-not worth a
dam for "they shall gnaw file and flee I'M
to the mountains of Hepzidam, whar the lion
roareth and the wang-doodle mourneth for
its frst-born."
"Whar the lion roareth, and the wang
doodle mourneth for its frst.bo.n." This
part of the text, my breethering, is another
fgger of speech, and isn't to be taken MS il
says. It doesn't mean the howln' wilder.
ness, whar John, the hard.shell Baptist, was
fed on locusts and witnesses, but 1t means
my breethering, the city Of New Yorleans
the mother of harlots and hardlots-whar
corn is worth six bits bushel one day and
aary red tho next--whar niggers are as thick
as black bugs in spoiled bacon ham, and
gamblers, thieves and pick-pockets 60 skiting
about the streets like weasels in barn-yard
--whar they have cresm-colored horses, gild-
ed carriages, marble saloons with brandy and
sugar in 'em-whar honest men nre scarcer
than hens teeth, and strange woman onced
TUX in your beluv-ed preacher aud bambooz
led him out of two hundred and twenty-sev-
en- dollars in the twnklin' of sleeps tail,
but abe can't do 1t again, Hallelujah for
"they shall gnaw file and flee unto the
mountains of Hepzidam, whar the lion roar
eth and the wang-doodlo mourneth for its
first-born."
My breethcring, am Captain of that flat
boat you see tied up thar, and I've got aboard
of her -four, bacon, and oats, and potatoes,
and apples, and as good Monongealy whis-
key as you ever drunk; and Pm mighty apt
to git big price for il all. But what, ah, my
breethering, what would IL all be wuth to me
II hadn't relidgion? There's nothing like
religion, breethering It's better nor silver
or gold and jmcracks, and you can no more
got to Heaven without it than jay-bird can
Fly without tail. Thank the Lord, Pm an
unsdieated man, my breethering, but I've
sarched the scripters from Dan to Burshebee
and found old Zion right side up, and the
hard shell RELIGION the best of all Religions.
And IT'S not like the methodist what expects
10 get into Heaven by bollerin' helfre, nor
the universaist what gets upon the broad
gage and goes the hole hog, nor the united
h,aaibarino what tnkea each other hv thu