Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1857-05-20
"Polk a Secretary of the In,erio,

Why, my dear sir, l was appointed onl.
two years ago-not two humdred-Chie
of the Great Central Department, as tn
Office is now called"
While We were talking, Franklin
Adams, Jefferson and Fulton came in aE'
took seals. The rather unexpected arri
val Of these gentlemen broke up the com
menis of my busting interrogation, ant
ore of those pauses occurred which fre
quently 10, upon the appearance ofstrsn
gers. Uacle Ben asked Jefferson if b,
would move up 10 the fire and warm hi:
feet.
Fire! J. said 1. fire? Why Uncle
Ben, there is no Gre-places now days
Stoves and hot cir furnaces are all III,
go. This building is warned bya grea
furnace. and two miles Of pipe that con
duct the heat TO every room in it,"
mo. by a long way = said my bust
ling friend-''not by long way, Mr.
John Smith. This trumpery is all pilec
away among the inventions of the year.
that were. These things belong to thc
age of your dog churn- Why, gentle
men, have you ever heard Of the Great
Southern Hot Air Company. chartered
in the year 1860, whose business it il
to furnish warm air from the South TO
persons at the North; price 10 families
three dollars a year. all-done by the gi
gantic under ground tunnel. and branch.
es, worked at the other end by an all
pump! Have ycu ever heard of this
gentlemen? Here we get the natural
heat of the South, warmed By the sun;
none of your sinking coal and wood
gasses 10 corrupt and destroy it. And
then the principle of reciprocity is kept
Up; for We send back our cold sir in the
same way; and so We keep up the equi.
liblium Of the Union. Why, gentlemen,
those stoves require constant care. As
often as once week it was necessary to
replenish them with weed or coal. No,
no these Improvements belong to the
dark ages"
Bless me j" exclaimed Uncle Ben.
"Impo>sible !" repeated Fulton"
"And so you don't use the old Frank
lin stove any more??" said Uncle Ben.
Perhaps he continued. quiet smile
playing over his face, as if he intended
a connical shot. perhaps you don't use
ighting now adays either, and my light
ning-rods OF course belong 10 the dark
sges tool"
We have the lightning. and use ii
90. but only one rod, built BY the State,
lear its centre. which is so colossal and
powerful that it prot els every ;hing
-ouud it.
And then the little f5llo. rat,leI on
lbout The use of lightning. how it wrote
III over the world the English language,
latil l believe that Uncle Ben, Franklin,
md all sci him down as the most un-
'erupulous liar that they had ever met
With.
81 think" said Uncle Ben, "thai l
could convince myself of the tiu!h Of
'our assertion if could 20 10 Boston:
put as my tine is very Iimi;ed. L can
iot."
"send you there in FIVE minutes by
he wa!chi" answered the lille man;
or if that's too soon, in tweniy-four
hours. Itrequires powerful lungs to 90
" balloon time five minutes-depart-
ure every half hour. The magnetic
ailway train will take you through in
our hours, and the old fashioned railroad
n twenty four"
"What!' said uncle Ben, 'is the old
tage company entirely broken up?'
Don't know what you mean by
asges," said the little man, "but | will
OOk for the word in the big dictionary"
Go by steamboat said Fulton.
Steamboat ! repeated the little man
Steamboat! too everlasting slow-not
Iver twenty-five miles an hour-well
'nough for freight. but passengers can
lot endure them; they go laborinS and
FLASHING along at snail's pace, AMI
hey are enough to wear out any mans
,atience. Yet the steamboat was the
,reatest stride ever made at any one
ime in the way Of lccomotion, and was
'ery creditable 10 Fulton, and the age
n which he lived
That's admitting something burst
ut Fulton, who had sat like a statue,
Tatching the little mans volubiIity.
But. said Uncle Ben, all this talk
ont get me on my way 10 Boston,
hat is my birth place. 1 was there for
he last time in 1863, and you know that
ccOrding 10 the provisions of my will
here is more than four million pounds
terling Of my money which has by this
me been disposed of By the State some
low.
We'll l declare calculated the little
ian, This is a meeting! About the leg
cy, Uncle Ben. of yours; two millions
.erling has gone TO build the GutIa
ercha Magnetic Telegraph line, con-
ecting BostJn with London and Paris,
sc of the largest cities in the Eastern
Iepublic Of Europe.
s- s-4 t-.-t1