Arkansas intelligencer., 1857-03-20

| Snort Patent sermon.
Delivered before the Burning Lights o. III,
Patent Association.
By OUR PREACHER
TExr-THE SAY.
My highly favored congregation, my tex,
''They say" has been stercotyped across the
mush pans, and virgin sheets of every talking
thing in christendom, from the parrots pate
to the printing press, and thus used until II
has become As common ~ dog trotting. 1t
is saying, that am down on, worse than
than an Old maid on young "stuck ups."-
Whenever hear it used think Of hogs
| grunting over carrion or pups under a lion
skin. Il is, at least. but mask battery,
thrown up by Maj. Locifer, behind which bis
dirty minions discharge their canstant Ere Of
slander and detrsction. 1t is the weapon of
the jealous coward, the liar, the murderer,
the thief, the fool and gossip, as we'll as the
chief propagator Of Bhudism, Brahmanism,
Lamatism, Mahomedsn and most other Ron.
tineisms. 1t stands at the helm of insidio1s
fashion and insidiouz custom and NAV be call
ed the sulphurated hydrogen of rotted hu-
manity, the veil Of vanity, the vipor Of virtue,
and skunk Of society. For example:
They say-old Schisicks has Eve dollar
claim to all the wild hogs in Arkansas, and
as many tame ones as have no better sense
than TO run at him with boo line. They
say old old Mrs. Hardscrable has more toma-
toes, turnips and potatoes ON her table than
grow in her garden. They say that John
Smiths wood and coal pile evaporates under
the covetous heat Of his warm hearted neigh
bors. They say that old Mrs. Hornblower,
the honest old soul, lost her health from the
effects of cold taken while sleeping in church
They say that lawyer Lagigin DR.. Drastic,
Professor Prober, Judge Jiffy and Others are
not chaff and straw in the winds and tides Of
convenience and circumstances. They say
that pride has its purse and poverty its price.
They say that the politician, the preacher,
the saint and the sinner, the great and the
groveIing, the Sultan and the serf, all fell and
have to get up again. They say the beads
of the Blowhard family have split, and their
daughters haze taken cheap boarding in Pinch
They say that this taste is for chrome yellow;
that for ebony and the other for either, in pre-
ference to the virgin lilly that blooms in their
pathway. They say the silks and satins, gew
gaws, and tillamagrees that flame along our
streets on saddle-colored frames, Indicate bad
taste, and worse principles to both first and
second handed supporters Of sutch doins.
They say procivities manifest themselves here
there and elswhere, for this, that and th..
other Illicit thing, contrary to all governing
relations. They say INDUCES in charges,
excuses, eye-openers and closers, comforters
and corroders, and although they say, may
like vice, be Himelah mountain round
mutard seed Of virture, yet the virtue is too
remote to warrant your common use of the
term. 1t covers everything in the language
Of rotneism, slander and insinuation, and may
be set down as the prince ofvillaions pretexts.
Therefore, my dear brothers, whenever
you go to use the phrase, ''They say" stop,
look into your own hearts and see if you are
not springing trigger to lie like coward, or
de6le some fair name you are not worthy to
mention. If so. squirt out the poisonous
quid Of filthy pitch from beneath your treach-
erous tounges-wash out your tobacco boxes
with salt and sawdust, and 60 on your way
rejoicing.
AS tor You, my dear sistets, you should
avoid it rs you would a wet dog from a coal
pit or as you would avoid kissing deveil in
the dark, the evidence of which would be
seen on your rosy lips wherer the light of
reason fell. They say" has long been your
ambitious game Of smut in which you have
all come out more or less marked bedaubed,
and that. too, generally in the fairest phases
Of your characters, whereon the gsdfiies of
envy have by ybernated.
II you can give no other authority than
"'ihey say" keep Your mouths shut u pre-
serve your health as well rs self-respect for
thing worth knowing can most always be
traced to a responsible owner who will not
object to the use Of his name. "They say" is
but patent systom Of faIsshood for specul~
tors, aud should remember that all patents
are bumbugus except my patent sermons,
So mote it be.
ETA worthy old farmer, residing in the
vicinity of Lake Mohobek, was worried to
death by his boarders. They found fault
with his table and said he had nothing 10
eat. Darn it, J" said old Isaac one day, -what
q fuss you are making. can eat anything"
.Can Won eat \ crow.n said one of the hoard.