Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1857-09-10
Harp Sermon No. 3.

and pint out the narrer way which leads
from a vain world to the streets of the
new Jeroosalem, and my text which
shill choose for this occasion is in the
lids of the Bible somewhere between the
seeoRd Ghrenic i'll and the last Chapter
of Timothy Titus, and when you find
it, it shall be in these words-'and they
Ishall gnaw a file and flee into the noun
tains of Hepzidam, where the lion roar
eth and the whang doodle mourneth for
its first born" Now, my breethering,
as 1 have before told you, am an un-
educated man and know nothing about
grammar talk and collidge highfalutin,
but I'm plain unlarnt preecher of the
Gospil what's been foreordained and
called to expound the scripters, and
save perverse generation from the day
of wrath, for "they shall gnaw file and
flee unto the mountains of Hepzidam,
WHARF the lion roareth, and the whang-
doodle mourneth for its first born"
My beloved breethring, the tex says
they shall gnaw a fle-it don't say they
may, but they shaU-and now there's
more'n one kind of file-there's the
hand saw file, rat tail file, single flo,
double file and profile, but the kind
spoken of here isn't one of them kind,
because its fgger of speech, my dear
brccthering, and means goin' it alone
and getting ukered; for ''they shall gnaw
a file and flee unto the mountains of
Hepzidam, WHARF the lion roareth, and
the whang- doodle mourncth for its first
born. And now there be some here
:.rith fine close on their backs, brass
rings on their fingers, and lard on their
hair, what goes in while tthay're young;
and there be brothers here what, as
long as their constitutions and forty
cent whiskey last, so it blind; and there
be sisters here what, when they git
about sixteen years old, cut their tiller
ropes and SO it with rush, but [ say,
my dear breethering, take care you don't
find when Gabriel plays his last trump,
that you've went it alone and got ukcr-
ed, ''for they shall gnaw file and flee
unto the mountains Of Hapzidam, WHARF
| the lion roareth, and the whang doodle
mourneth the loss of its first BORN
And, my brcethering, there's moro
dams besides Hcpzidam There's Rott-
erdam, Haddam, Amsterdam, Mill dam
and don t-care a -damn-thc last ofwhich,
my dear breethering, is the wust of all,
and reminds me of a circumstance l
once knew in the State of Illinois,
There was a man what built him a mill
on the east fork of Auger creek, and it
was good mill, and ground sight of
grain, but the man what built it was a
miserable sinner and never Civ anything
to the church, and my brecthering one
night there came dreadful storm of
wind and rain, and the fountains of the
great deep was broken up, and the wa
ters rushed down and swept that mans
mill into kingdom come, and 10
and behold in the morning when he got
up he found it wasn't wuth dam. Now
my dear breethering, when storms of
temptation overtake you, take care that
you don't fall from grace, and become
| like that mans mill, not worth a d n,
for ''they shall gnaw a file and flee unto
the mountains of Hepzidam, WHARF the
lion roareth, and the whang- doodle
mourneth for its first born
"Whare the lion roareth and the
whang- doodle mourneth for its first
born" This part of the text, my breeth-
ering is another fgger of speech, and
mean the howlin' wilderness where j ohm
| Vic h0IuSlClI odpIl0G Was 1CO Ou tOCuSIS
and wild ingens, but it means my dear
breethering, the city of New Orleans,
the mother of harlots and hard lots
WHARF corn is wuth six bits bushel one
day, and nary red the next-whare mig
gers is as thick as black bugs in spoiled
bacon ham, and thieves, pick pockets
end gamblers go kiting about the streets
like weasels in barn yard, WHARF they
have cream colorcd horses, gilded car
riages, and marble saloons-whare hon
est men are scarcer nor hens teeth, and
strange woman once took in your
beloved preechcr and bamboozled him
out of two hundred and twenty-seven
dollars in the twinkling Of Sleeps
tail, for "they shall gnaw file and fee
unto the mountains of Hapzidam WHARF,
the lion roarcth, and the whang doodle
mourneth for its first born"
My breethcring I'm captain of that
fiat boat you see tied up thar, and I've
got aboard of her -four and bacon, and
potatoes and oats and apples, and as
good Monongahela whiskey as you ever
drank, and I'm mighty apt to get big
price for it all, but what, oh, my breeth-
ering, would it all be worth without re-
ndSlOn! 1here nolnlnS ike rellSlon,
my broethoring. It's better nor silver
and gold and jim cracks, and you can
no more get to Heaven without it than
a jay bird can fly without tail. Thank
the Lord, I'm an uneducated man, my
breethering, but I've sarched the scrip
ters from Dan to Bersheba, and the
hard shell is the best of all Religions.
And its not like the Methodist whatex-
poets to get into Heaven by hollerin hell
fire, nor tho united breethering what
takes each other by the seats Of their
trowserz, and tries to lift themselves in
to Heaven, nor the Catherlicks what
buys through tickets frum thar precsts,
but it may be likcncd, my brecthering,
unto a man what had to cross a river,
and when he got thar, the ferry boat
WAS conc. and he lust rolled up his