Marshall County Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1855-1859, 1857-03-05

IL relsshsd BY the ioisest men,
HThe planter in South Carolina who
bought wooden turnip seed from a Yankee.
was not much cheated after ALL He SOW
ed the seed. and it has row. a frst-rate crop
ofsaw-logs. each log being 8 fee. long, and
measuring exactly three feet in circumfer-
ence.
@A lively comprehensive Jumping
tooth-aehel
HWhy is dogs tail like heart Of a
tree? Because it is tho far.hess from the
bark.
@"BObby, what does your father do
Tor living?"
Hes philanthropist. sir"
"A WHAT"
IA phi-lan-thro-pis.. sir; he collects
money for Bleedin' Kansas. and builds
houses out Of the proceeds
E%"Fa:her. did you ever have any wife
beside mothar?"
"No: why?"
"'Cause l saw in tho Old family Bible
that you married Ammo Domini in 1885,
and mothers name was Sally Smith"
EE"I rise for Information" said a
member of Congress on one occasion.
IL am glad to hear il" said fellow mem
Der, "for no ono needs /, MORE"
f@Why is \ pretty young woman like
corn in time of scarcity? Because she
ought to be husbanded.
EIIf you want to kiss a pretty girl,
why kiss her--if you can. II pretty
girl wants to kiss you. why let her--like a
man. Exactly.
H-An exchange paper says that the
girls in some parts of Pennsylvania are so
hard up for husbands that they sometimes
take up with printers!
~"You cannot doubt the strength of
my attachment" as the lobster said when
j: held the cooks thumb in its claw.
"Give me few more slaps, moth
or" said an urchin under the rod, Il don't
think ! can be good yet"
@ There's town in Michigan where
they have but one pauper. Not knowing
how else to get rid Of him. they intend to
elect him to the Legislature.
AT court held In one of the interi-
or counties of Texas, not many years since,
q man was "taken up" for stealing a vest;
and the usual preliminary proceedings were
had in order to punish the offender accord
ing to "law and justice" When the case
was called, the counsel for the defense very
cody requested the court to dismiss the
case, for the reason "that a vest would not
make a suit" The court, considering the
eounsel's pea a..good in-vest -men,. conclu-
ded to di-rest itself of the responsibility of
a refusal. and declared 1t a non-suit. The
prisoner was ordered outside the rea-i-
bule
VERDICT OF NEGRO GNouEsT--We, de
underscribed darkies, bein kernar's jury
Oh disgust. to sit on de body OBJ de niggar
Sambo, now dead and fore Us, have been
sit,in' on de said nigga. aforesaid, did on
de night OBJ de fusteoth OBJ November, come
to def by fallin from de brige OBJ de riber,
whar VIC find .,e was subsecomely dronnd
ed. an arterward washed on de riber side,
whar we spose he froze to def.
~Ata ball in Richmond, Virginia, a
belle asked a country fellow who stood
near her in co npac. ring of four or FIVE
deep. gazing on pair waltzing:
pray, sir. how do you like the waltz"
Madam" said the quaint gentleman,
II like the huggin' part very well; but /
don't like the whirlin' round--when il
comes to hnggin' I'd like to stand still"
~A lady once gave supper, too which
she invited several ladies and gen;lemen.--
During the conversation she called to Mr..
B., who was sitting near her. and
said: 1
Listen te me!''
Madam. am all ears" was tho re-
ply.
After awhile when the conversation fell
upon handiwork. she showed piece of
embroidery. saying:
Please to look sir, at this trifle.''
am all eyes, Madam" he replied,
bowling.
At last, when the meats were brought on.
the lady of the house said to the lady sit
ting next to her:
evil you try bit of rabbit"
81 am all stomach" said the latter, look
ing round Significantly.
H"My son." said an old lady. show
must Jonah have felt when the whale swal-
lowed him."
Down in the mouth" was the young
hopef-Ps re2iy.
kEIn the neighborhood where 1 once
lived man and h,s w;fa xvoro ,1,,rst -.