The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-09-19
THE SHAM FAMILY.

Mr.. Sham lives up town in a brown stone
froat. with damask and lace at the windows.
He is respectable man. always courteous
and ready to do you a kindness, or to make
an ingenious excuse if he cannot. Mr..
Sham hires his coach and horses by the
year, and his handsome coachman, too: but,
if he spoke of them, he would tell you, in
round terms, that his establishment cost
him cool two thousand: and he wouldn't
think of keeping so expensive an equipage,
only Mrs. Sham's health is delicate, and
the little Sham's cooped up as they are in
the city, need Il daily drive out Of town.
Mr.. Sham sports dashing watch, with
heavy seal and chain, that look very much
like gold, owing to singular custom OF
their own, who uses certain white powder
and a piece of buckskin on them every
morning: and nobody surmises that Mr..
Sham would wear anything but gold. That
worthy gentleman is constantly talking of
his family across the water, all Of whom are
dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies, and
squires of high degree. He is to come into
possession of fabulous fortune when some
body dies, for whom he has too sincere a
respect to wish that consummation deyoutly.
He is going to buy such and such country
seat the next summer, if business will be
only kind enough just to slack little, a
very little, just long enough to let him run
up to l.. or d., to survey the premises and
examine the deed.
Everything belonging to Mr.. Sham is
mortgaged, except his wife and children,
and SO are they, to an inexhorable degree,
to ultimate ruin! Mr.. Sham is a great
boaster; in PLAN language, MIR. Sham is a
great liar; he has lied so long, that the poor
man never knows when he tells the truth
himself; indeed, his conscience only troubles
him when he is not inyenting. s.-.a... a.g
Mrs. Sham!--a magnificent person in red
velvet, and grand match for her husband.
Dine with Mrs. Sham. Hear her regret that
her head cook Ga fabulous personage) was
unfortunately taken sick, and is suffering
up stairs with headache. Notice her rep
rimand to Harriet Jane, the eldest daughter,
that she did not make that stupid Biddy put
on the best set of silver. Hear her talk of
the pleasure of her last years travelling
tour, when she staid at home all summer,
shut up in the back part of her house. Be-
hold her jewelry, paste and Irish diamonds;
her lace-nothing but sham in the place OF
the real. Listen to the stories she tells OF
her childhood; if you did not know that her
mother was once an honest Woodworking
wash-woman, you would be tempted to be.
lieye that she had never taken a step on the
cold ground in her life before she was mar.
ried, and that in some way she was related
to Queen Victoria or to Louis Napoleons
| The little Shams are epitomes of both pa
rents. They begin already to substitute the
false for the real; to bragg Of deeds they
never reformed; to talk Of families the,
never visited; and to watch each other close
ly, that there may be no discrepancies
Poor, unhappy little Shams! what a lif'
thev will lead and they should happen tt
fall from even the scale in which they ap'
pear at present to be snugly balanced, feal
they will find apartments in strong hous'
with iron bars ut the windows, and who's
degradation and discipline are anything bu
shams. az... t..s