Southern sentinel. [volume] (Plaquemine, Parish of Iberville [La.]) 1848-1858, 1857-08-08
sUr ~LOvENGOop,s SHIRT.


his appearance at once satisfied me that some
thing was wrong, He had been sick, whipped
IN q free tight, or was just outagrowing one Of
his big DRINKS. But upon this point | was
soon enlightened.
"Why, SUIT, what's wrong now 2"
Heaps wrong; durn me skin if | amt most
ded. Lite off that boss, George, an take a
horn, while | take two, Shaking that e~verIast-
ing flask of his at me,) an plant yerself on that
ar log, an III tell ye eff | ken, but it's most
beyond tellln'. | reckon I'm the darndest fool
out en- Utaw sept my dad. for he acted boss,
an l halnt dun that yet--allers in some trap
that cudent koch a sheep. I'll drown myself
sum day, see eff | don't, just to stop a family
disposition to make id fools on themselves"
GLOW is it, Sui, have you been beat playing
cards, or drinking, which is it?"
"NaFa one; that can't be did in these parts;
but SEEM it's you, George, I'll tell yon; but |
swar I'm 'shamed--sick--sorry and--and--
mad-l m
"Ye know ] boards with Bill Carr, at his
cabin on the mountain, and pays fur SIGH as |
gets when | heF money, an when | hevent any
why he takes one-third oulen me in cussin:
and she, that's his wife, Bets, takes out tother
tWo-thlrd with the battlin' stick, and the intrust
with her tongue, and the ~intrust's MORN the
princ1-a heap more. She's the cusedes
oman | ever seed eny how, for jaw, breedin'
and pride. She can scold a blister onto a
bulls face rite on the curl in two minits. She
outbreeds ev'rything on the river--and pat
terms arter ev'y fashion she hears tell on, from
bussels to britches. Oh she's one on 'em,
and sometimes she's two or three. Well You
see, | got some hum made cotton truck to
make a new shirt outen, and coaxed Bets to
make it, and about the time it were dun here
comes lawyer johnson along and axed for
breakfast--I wish it had pizened him, durn
his hide, and | wonder it didn't, for she cooks
awful mjxings when she tries. I'm pizen
proof, myself" (holding up his flask and peeps
ing through IT'D "or I'd been dead long ago.
swell, while he were a eaten, she spied out
that his shirt was stiff an nifty slick; so she
never rested till she worm'd it outen him that
a preparation of -four lid it; and she got a few
particulars about the percedings outen him by
oman's arts--l don't know how she did it,
perhaps he does. AFTER be left, she set in an
billed a big pot of paste--nigh onto a peck of
it, an soused in my shert an let it soak a.
while, then she tuck it an iroDed it out fiat
and dry, and sot it up on its aidge agin the
cabin in the sun. Thar it stood as stiff as a
dry boss hide, an it ratified like a sheet of iron,
il did. 1t were pasted together all over
When | cum to dinner nothin' wud do but ]
must put it on. Well, Bets an me got the
thing open arteF some hard work, she pulling
at one of the tails and me at the tother, an
| got into it. Durn the everlasting new fang |
led shert, | say, ] felt like / had crawled into
an old bee gum an hit full of ~pissants; but il
were like lawyer Johnson's and ] stud it like a
man, and went to work to build Bets a ash
hopper. ] worked powerful hard and SWEET like
a boss, and when The shert got wet it quit its
hnrtin'.
Garter | got dun | took about four fingers
OF red head, and craWled up into the cabin
loft to take a snuze.
swell, when | walked up | thought | was
ded, had the choIery, for all the joints | could
move Wer my ankles, wrists, knees--couldn't |
even move my head, and skasely wink my
eyes-the cussed shert was pasted fast onto
me all over, from the pint of the tails to the
pint OF the broad-ax collar over my years. 1t
sol me as close asa poor COW does 10 her hide
in March. | squirmed and strained till ! sorter
got 1t broke at the shoulders and elbows, and
then ] done the darndest foolish thing ever did
in these mountains, ] shufled my britches off
and tore loose from my hide about two inches
OF the tail around, in much pain and tribula-
ten. Oh! butt did hurt! Then | took up
a plank outen the loft and hung my legs down
through the hole and nailed the aidge of the
front to the floor before me, and the hind tail
| nailed to the plank wot | sot on. unbut.
toned the collar and risbands, raised nv hands
away above my head, shut up my eyes, and
said grace and jumped through to the ground
fore"
Here Sut remarked, sadly:
"George, I'm a darnder fool than ever dad |
was, boss, hornets, AN all. I'll drown myseIf
sum Of these days, see eff don't"
swell, go or, Sui; did the shert come off?
"l-think-it-d--i--d. hearna a |
noise sorter like taring a shingle off ov a house
at onst, and felt like my bones were all that
reached the fore. | staggeeed to my feet and
took a look at my shert. The nails had all
hilt their holt, and dar it were hanging, arms
down, insid ont, and as stiff as ever. It looks
like the map of Mexico just AFTER one of the
flrst battles-a patch Nv my hide about the
size Of a dollar and a haulf bill here; a bunch
OF my har, about the size of a birds nest thar;
then some more skin; then som paste; then a
little more har; Their a heap of skin; then more
har; then skin and SO on all over the darned,
new tangled, everlasting, internal cuss of a
shert. 1t was a picture TO look at-an' so was
/. The hide, bar and paste were about equally
devided atween me and hit. Wonder what
Bets, darn her, thort when she cum home and
found me missing. Spects she thinksI crawIed
into thicket and died Of my wounds. 1t
must have skared her good, for / tell you it
looked like the skin of some wild beast torn
off alive, or a bag what had karried load oV
fresh beef from a shooting match.
snow, George, if ever | ketch that lawyer
Johnson out I'll shoot him, and if ever an
oman talks about ~1at'nin' ashert for me again,
durn my eFerIastin' picture eff | don't fatten
her. It's rit-ribution sartin. the biggest kind