The north Iowa times. [volume] (M'Gregor [i.e. McGregor], Iowa) 1856-1857, 1857-04-17
ALL SORTS or ITEMS.


EA lady acquaintance informs us
that as she was passing through Twenty
Third street, she saw an elegantly dressed
woman creeping along the pavement and
up the steps of house, where she rang
the bell in great haste. Guess what was
the matter "a pair Of new-fashioned
steel hoops had broken and wound round
her person with tenacity that rendered
it impossible for her to walk !--New York
Mirror. .,-,.
EE Subject for debating club III
a man had grizzly bear by the tail,
would it be better policy to hold fast or
let go? 'v
ABSENCE OF MrND.-Sydney Smith
says he heard Of a cleargymen who went
Jogging along the road till he came
to turnpike. "What is to pay ?" "Pay
sir, for what s'' asked the turnpikeman.
"Why, for my horse, to be sure.' "Your
horse, sir, what horse There is no horse,
SIR" ''No horse ?" said he, suddenly
looking down between his legs. "God
bless me !! though l was on horseback p
E Pat was hungry, and got out of
the cars for refreshment. The cars very
thoughtlessly went on without him.
Pats ire was up. eye spalpeen!' he
cried, starting on a run, and shaking his
fist as he flew after the train. 'Sthop
there, ye ould stame wagin; ye murthurin'
stame engine-ye've got passenger
aboard that's left behind! -.
Music not only improves man s tastes.
but his morals. 1t gives him taste for
home that improves his habits wonderful
ly. The man who spends evenings with
a piano is seldom seen in dram shops, aud
never with night brawlers. We believe
in music, and candidly think that one
flute will do as much towards driving
rowdysim out of q neighborhood as four
policemen and bull dog.
APPROPRIATE M1srAKE--A dancing
master, in renewing his solicitations for
patronage, wished to express his obliga-
tions for past favors, when the printer
made him say-"Most respectfully offers
his shanks.'' - .a. .&..ssrs
EF An advocate in Court, the other
day, said he had two witnesses in support
of the cause Of his client, and they would
be sure to speak the truth, for he had no
opportunity Of communicating with
them! as"
EF "The most solemn of birds,' SAYS
an ancient proverb, ''is an owl; and the
most solemn of beasts is jackass, and
the most solemn of men-a ditto p
Why are the ladies' of the present day
like the lilies spoken of in the Bible?
''They toll not, neither do they spin.
but say unto you Solomon in all his
glory was not arrayed like one Of these"
Some men are like cats-you may
stroke the fur the right way for years,
and hear nothing but purring, but scci-
dentally tread on the tail, and all memo
ry of former kindness is obliterated.
People become i'll by drinking healths.
He who drinks the health Of everybody
drinks away his own.
When the Irishman first tried peaches,
he said he liked their flavor, but the seeds
lay hard in his stomach. hr
"You look like death on pale horse"
said Jim to topper. 81 kon't dnow any
thing about that" he replied, "but i'm
death on pale brandy"
Conscience and covetousness are never
to be reconciled like fire and water, they
always destroy each other, according to
which predominates.
True quietness Of heart is got by resis-
ting our passions, not by obeying them.
envy none that know more than my
self, but pity them thst know less.
The gem cannot be polished without
friction !; neither can man be perfected
without trials.
Prosperity is blessing to the good,
but a curse to the bad.
The Soul peeds certain amount of in
tellectual enjoyment to give it tstrength
adequate for the daily struggle in which
it is engaged. s-.
Prosperity makes friends-Adversity
tries them. H..
There is no worse robber than bad
book. 1t robsyo ofyour time.
Since the formation ofour Government,
suits amounting to S6, ,OO0, ,OCO, have been
brought against defaulters. Nothing
could be obtained, and ''Uncle Sam" had
to pay the cost.
Out of a company of 600 Mormons who
attempted to reach Salt Lake, during the
past winter, SO perished from cold on the
Plains.
Hon. Mr.. McMullin, of Virginia. it is
thought, will be appointed Governor Of
Utah.
Mr.. Appleton, on account of i'll health,
viii retire from the editorial chair Of the
Washington Union. Mr.. A. was one of
those recently poisoned at the National
in that CITY. n ssS a@