Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1857-10-29
Hard Sermon.-No. 3.

\ MY BELIEVED BREETHERING.--I am an IN
lRrnt hard shell Baptist preacher, OF whom you'v
no doubt heern before. and 1 now appear here I,
I expound the Scripters and pint out the narre
way which leads from vain world to the street,
| Of The new Juroosalum, aud my text which
/ shall chuse for the occasion is in the leds of III,
| Bible, somewhere between the second Chronic
ills and the last chapter of Timothy Titus, anc
when you find it you Will find it in these words
| /" And they shall gnaw n hle and Tee unto the
mountains OF Hepzidam, where the lion roar
| eth and the wang-doodle mourmeth for its FIRST.
| born"
| Now, my breethering, as have before told
you, am an uneddicated man, and know moth.
ing about grammar talk and coolidge hifalootin
but I'm plain unlarnt preacher of thesGospil
what's been foreordained and called TO expound
| the scripters to Gyin' world, and prepare a
preverse generation for the day of wrath for
q" they shall gnaw file and flee unto the noun
| tains of Hepzidam, where the lion roareth and
the wang doodle mourneth for its tirst-born."
My beloved breetherng, the text says they
shall ghaw fle." 1t don't say they may but
they shall. And now there's more nor one kind,
OF tiieg There the hand-saw file the rat tail
lie, single iile, double file and profile; but the
Kind of file spoken OF here isn't one of thv M
kind neither because it S a figger Of speech, my
brsethering, and means goin it alone and get
TIM ukered; tor "they shall gnaw a file and flee
hon roareth and the wang-doodle mourneth for
its frst-born."
And now there be some here with fine close
on thar backs, brass rings on thar fingers and
lard on thar har, what goes it white they're
young; and thar be brothers here what, as long
rs thar constitutions and forty cent husky lasts
goes it bind; and thar be sis tiers here what when
they git about sixteen years old, cut thar tieT
ropes and goes it with a rush; bat l say, my
dear breetherng, take care you don't find when
Gabriel iays has last trump, that you've went
it alone and got ukered for they shall gnaw a
file and flee unto the mountains OF Hepzldaln,
where the lion roareth aud the wang-doodie
mourneth for its first born" ..+.s...
And my breethering, thar's more dams besid,
Hepzidam. Thar's Rotterdam, Haddam, Ans
terdam, milldam and don t-care- a daIn-the last
of which, my dear breethering, is the worst OF
all, and reminds me OF a circumstance l oncet
knew in the State of Iilenoy. There was a man
what built him mill Oh the east fork of Ager
creek, aud 1t was good mill and ground sight
of grain, but the man what built II was a mis-
cradle sinner and never give anything to the
church: and my breethering, one night thar
come dredful storm Of wind aud rain, aud the
foundations of the great deep was broken up,
and the water rushed down and swept that man 3
mil dam into kingdom come, and 10 and behold,
IN the morning when he got up he found that he
was not woit tn dam. Now, my young breeth-
erng, when storms of temptations overtake you
take care you don't fall from grace, aud become
ike that man mill-not worth dam; for they
Hall gnaw a file and tee unto the mountains of
hepzdam, where the lion roareth and the wang
doodle mourneth for its first. born"
where the hon roareth and the wang.doodle
mourneth for its first born" This part OF the
tex, my breetherIng, is another fgger of speech,
and isn't to be taken Is II says II doesn { mean
the howln' wilderness, where john the hard
i -. a
but it means, my breethering, the city OF New
Yorleans. the mother Of har lots and hard lots
-whar corn is worth six bits one day and nary
red the next-whar niggers are as thick rs black
bugs III a spilled bacon ham, and gamblers,
thieves and piekpockets 60 skiting around the
streets like weasols i'll barn yard--where they
have cream colOred horses, giided carriages, mar
BILE saloons with brandy and sugar in them
whar honest men are scarcer than hens teeth,
and a strange woman oncet tux in your beluved
preacher aud bamboozled him out of two hun
dred and twenty seven dollars in the twinkle OF
a sheep tail; but she can't do it again, Halle
llah for " they shall gnaw file and flee unto
the mountains of Hepzidam, where the lion
roareth and the wang doodle mournelh for its
first born"
My breethering, I'm captain Of that fat-boat
you see tied up thar, aid I've got aboard of her
flour, bacon and oats, and potatoes and apples,
and as good Monongahely whisky as you ever
drank; and I'm mighty apt tn GIT big price
for it all But what, oh, my breethering, would
it all be wurth to me if hadn't relidgion D.
There's nothin' like reidglon, my breethering.
It's better nor silver aud god and jiincracks,
and you can no more git to Heaven without it
than jay bird can fly without tail Thank
the Lord, l. an unedecated man, my breether-
ing, but / sarched the seripters from Dan to
Bershebee, and found old Zion light side up, and
the hard shell relidgion the best of all relidg-
ions. And it's not like the rnethodsis what ex-
pect to get into Heaven by hollerin helltre, nor
the unversalist what gets upon the broad gage
| and goes the whole hog, nor the united breelher-
ing what takes each other by the seats of their
trowsers and tries to hit themselves into Heav-
en-, nor the catherlickS what buys through tick
cts from their preests-but it may be liked my
breethering. unto man what had to cross a
river, and when he got thar the ferry boat war
gone, and he Just rolled up his breeches and W a
ded over-haIleluja h! for I" they shall gnaw a
file and flee unto the mountains OF Hepzidam
where the lion roareth and the wang doodle
mourneth for its fir thorn
Pass the hat, brother Flint, and let every hard
shell shell out. Amen ....