The north Iowa times. [volume] (M'Gregor [i.e. McGregor], Iowa) 1856-1857, 1857-08-14
THE SHAM FAMILY,

stone front, with damask and lace at the
windows. He is a respectable man, al
ways courteous and ready to do you a
kindness, or to make an ingenius excuse
fhe cannot. Mr.. Sham hires his coach
and horses by the year, and his hand
some coachman, too; but, if he spoke
of them, he would tell you, in round
terms, that his establishment cost him a
cool two thousand and he wouldn't
think of keeping SO expensive an equip
age, only Mrs. Sham's health is delicate,
and the little Shams, cooped up as they
are in the city, need daily drive out of
town. Mr.. Sham sports a dashing
watch, with heavy seal and chain, that
looks very much like gold, owing to a
singular custom Of their owner, who
uses certain white powder and piece
of buckskia on them every morning !;
aud nobody surmises that Mr.. Sham
would wear anything but gold. The
worthy gentleman is constantly talking
of his family across the water, all Of
whom are dukes and duchesses, lords
and ladies, and squires Of high degree.
He is to come into possession of fabu-
lous fortune when somebody dies, for
whom he has too sincere respect to
wish that consummation devoutly. He
is going to buy such and such coun-
try-seat the next summer, if business
will only be kind enough just to slack a
little, very little, just long enough to
let him run up to L. or D., to survey the
premises and examine the deed.
Everything belonging to Mr.. Sham,
is mortgaged, except his wife and chill
dren, aud so are they, to an memorable
degree, to ultimate ruin! Mr.. Sham is
a great boaster; in plain language, Mr..
Sham is great liar; he has lied so long
that the poor man never knows when he
tells the truth himself indeed, his con-
science only troubles him when he is
not inventing. ..-...
Mrs. Sham Ia magnificent person in
red velvet, and grand match for her
husband. Dinewith Mrs. Sham. Hear
her regret that her head cook Ga fabu-
lous parsonage was unfortunately taken
sick, and is suffering up stairs with a
headache. Notice her reprimand to
Harriet Jane, the eldest daughter. that
she did not make that stupid Biddy put
on the best set of silver. Hear her
talk of the pleasure of her last ysar's
travelling tour, when she staid at home
all summer, shut up in the back part OF
her house. Behold her jewelry, paste
and Irish diamonds; her lace-nothing
but sham in place of the real Listen
to the stories she tells of her childhood !:
iif you did not know that her mother was
once an honest, hard working wash
woman, you would be tempted to be-
lieve that she had never taken step on
the cold ground in her life before she
was married, and that in some way she
was related to Queen Victoria or to
Louis Napoleon.
The little Shams are epitomes of both
parents. They begin alreadyto substi-
tute the false for the real to brag Of
deeds they never performed to talk Of
families they never visited; aud to
watch each other closely. that there may
be no discrepancies. Poor, unhappy
little Shams /! what a life they will lead !!
aud if they should happen TO fall from
even the scale in which they appear at
present to be snugly balanced, l fear
they will find apartments in strong
house with iron bars at the windows,
and whose degradation and discipline are
anything but shams.