The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1857-06-09
PINEBUR MoccAsIN ON aD1sTR1-
BUsHUN"
From he Raleigh Standard.

4
i Mr.. Printers I've red sumwhere Of
a foolish Teller that tried to ketch n bird by
q openin' his buzzum and shakin' the tree
, the bird was srttin' on, thinkin' he could
zum The result was, the bird hewed of
and left tire pore fool with empty buzzum.
: That's jest abont the way with the distri-
bushun humbug. The Know Nothin'- Sam
American w higs keeps tellin' US that all
we've got to do is to open our pockets and
get them full of dollars. Whoever tries it
will meet the same luck the Teller did that
tried to shake the bird down; for it ain
the natnr of money to jest crawl into a
mans pocket without effort on his part,
any more'n it's the natur of birds to fall
when you shake bush. When any body
promises to stuff your pockets full of dol
lars all for nothin'; you may be shore he's
lynn aud that the truth amt in him.
Sum of our people make nifty fuss about
our State taxes, and want the gineral gov
eminent to give US money and relieve US
from these taxes. Now. where in thunder
does the gineral government git its money
but from the people and from the sales of
public lands! Then if the gineral govern
ment gives you money, you must give it the
money TO give to you, and pay its offishals
to take 1t from you, so that for every dollar
it gave you, you'd give it at least 81 25.
and you'd gain loss of quarter on every
dollar you get. Jest let 20 men throw in
a hundred dollars apiece and give sumbody
10 per cent. to take it and keep it year
and then divide it out among them again,
and you'll have an example of the practical
workin' of distribushun and the profits to be
derived from it; and you'll also have very
perfect specimen of 90 GORGEOUS fools, for
which Barnum would give good price.
But, say these Observation-Disclosures there's
the public lands that ought to be divided.
! Well, s'poSim, we do divide them, what'll
they be worth There'll be 81 States with
lands TO sell, and they'll all be ankshus
to sell, too; and the land will be sold to
| speckclators at low price and in large
! quantities. and in few years there'll be
few big land holders to grind the pore and
exact whatever price they please, and we'll
have landed aristocracy like that in Ing
land and Ireland, and at the same time we'll
be pay in taxes in the way of the tariff, to
make up for the loss of these lands and their |
transfer to unconshonable spectators and |
ariStocrats and the eend of it would be |
civil war and bloodShed. and gineral |
breakin' up of every thing and universal
smash. Thot's jest what l b'lieve about it.
But then, ses sum. sell the lands and di-
vide the proceeds. Well, s'pose you sell
lands and git million of dollars and divide
it out. Ant you got to pay sumbody to do
it! And don't it take jest a million of dol
lars out Of the treshury that's got to be
made up by the tariff !! You git a dollar
for your sheer the public lands, as
Gineral Duckery ses, and you pay two dol
lars for warm a broadcloth coat to make
up for that dollar. Don't you reckon it
would take you long time to get rich at
them rates. It's sumthin' like old game
Pve hearn tell of called ''chuch a-luck," in
which it was sed, 1.-The more you put down
the less you take up
But want to give another ilustrashun.
S'pose it's decided to be best for the State
of North Carolina to pay all the county
charges, Though, of course, nobody but
distribushun fool would make SIGH desi-
shun.) Then all the taxes collected for
county purposes must pass through the
hands of the sheriff, the county trustee and
the State treshurer, each of whom must have
his per centage out of them, and what's left
the treasurer must divide out to the people
that paid it in, and instd of usin' it to nav
county expenses, there must be levied a |
State tax for that purpose, and out of it, too,
the sheriff and the treShurer must have their t
percentage. Wouldn't that be smart =
Don't it look right down silly! Yet it's
jest as sensible as the distribushun propo- $
sishun by the gineral government to the 1
States. You'd make jest as much by one G
as by t'other, and with both together you'd !
be as ded broke as 10 Smithers was when q
they let his coffin fall with him in it and a
broke his back, and the coffin too and if i
that wasn't a ded broke. this distribushun 1
broke would be. 1t would be like my little q
boy Peter sed t'other day when he seed
yoke of oxen pullin' off old ded boss - II
Daddy" says he, that's what | call a S
led drag" l blieve two sich 'ded drags" p
wouldn't be equal to the distribushun drag. +
But" said Ned Devolt to me one day, S
'the furriners has TO support our gineral
government, for we levies a tariff on them, a
Now Ned is a strong distri5ushinists, and
hat shows how much sense he's got Sed d
|, Ned you're a fool, and I'll prove it to Il
YOU and I'll prove that you pay, without S
grumblin', to the federal government, ten
times m"re'n you pay 20 the State. about a
which you make SIGH consarned fuss Il
Now, Ned, you bought fine broad cloth il
suit fother day that cost you $50. 1t was o
french cloth, and if there had bin no tariff
t could have bin sold here for 81 yard f,