The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1857-10-14

~ In these exceedingly close times in the
money-way, when farmers look as if their
labor in raising large crop, was about thrown
going up all over the country, we deem the
following unctions sermon treasure. If its
Dcrusal will provoke laugh for some despon-
dent soul who has note to pay, and don't know
how to do it, our purpose will be answered.
The text is unique, and the illustrations would
be styled irrevcrent, if it were not so broad in
its burlesquc. 1t gives offence to no sect be-
carse it is equally absurd in its references to
them all. Read it, laugh at its nonsense, and
for any danger done to your buttons, charge the
author of ..Ile celebrated sermon entitled "The
Harp of a thousand strings"
~"- HARP SERMoN-No. 3.
MY BELUv-ED BREETHERING--I am
an unlarnt, hard shell Baptist preacher,
of whom you've no doubt heern before,
and | now appear here to expound the
Scrpters and pint out the narrer way
which leads from vain world to the
streets of the new Juroosalum, and my
text which l shall chuse for the occa-
sion is in the leds of the Bible, some
where between the second Chronic ills
and the last chapter of Timothy Titus,
and when you find it you will find it in
these words:
"And they shall gnaw file and flee
unto the mountains of Hepzidam, where
the lion roareth and the wang-doodle
mourneth for it's irst-born."
Now, my breethering, .as have be-
fore told you, I am an uneddicated man,
and know nothing about grammar talk
and collidge hifalootin ; but I'm plain
unlarnt preacher of the Gospil what's
been foreordained, and called to expound
the scripters to a dyin' world, and pre-
pare perverse generation for the day of
wrath for 'they shall gnaw fl le and
flee unto the mountains of Hepzidam,
where the lion roareth and the wang
doodle mourneth for its first-born."
My beluv-ed breethering, the text
says they shall gnaw file" 1t don't
say they may but they shall. And now,
there's more one kind of file. There's
the hand saw file, the rat-tail file, single
file, double file, and profile but the
kind of file spoken of here isn't one of
them kind neither because it's tigger
of speech, my breethering, and means
goin' it alone and gettin' ukered; for
"they shall gnaw file and flee unto the
mountains OF Hepzidam, whar the lion
roareth and the wang doodle mourneth
for its first born"
And now there be some here with fine
close on thar backs, brass rings on thar
fingers and lard on thar har, what goes
it while they're young and thar be
brothers here what, as long as thar con-
stitutions and forty cent whiskey last,
goes it blind and thar be sisters here
what, when they get about sixteen years
old, cut thar til!er ropes and goes it with
a rush; but l say, my dear breethering,
take care You don't find when Gabriel
plays his last trump, that you've all went
it alone and got ukered for "they shall
gnaw a file and flee unto the mountains
of Hepzidam, whar the lion roareth and
the wang-doodle mourneth for it's first
born"
And, my breethering, thar's more
dams besides Hepzidam. Thar's Rot
terdam, Haddam, Amsterdam, mill dam
and don't care "a dam-the last of which,
my dear breethering, is the worst of all,
and reminds me of 4 circumstance I
oncet knew in the State of lllenoy.--
There was man what built him mill
on the east fork of Agur creek, and it
was a good mill and ground sight of
grain, but the man what built it was
miserable sinner, and never Civ anything
to the church; and, my breethering,
one night thar come dredful storm of
wind and rain, and the fountains of the
great deep was broken up, and the wa
ters rushed down and swept that man s
mill-dam into kingdom come, and 10 and
behold, in the morning when he got up
he found he was not worth a DAM
Now, my young breethering when
storms Of temptations overtake We, take
care you don't fall from grace, and be-
come like that mans mill--not worth a
dam; for "they shall gnaw file and
flee unto the mountains Of Hepzidam,
whar the lion roareth and the wang
doodle mourneth for its first born"
"Whar the lion roareth and the wang
doodle mourneth for its fist-born." -
This part of the tex, my breethering, is
another tigger of speech, and isn't to be
taken as it says. 1t doesn't mean the
howlin' wilderness, where John the hard
shell Baptist was fed on locusts and wild
asses, but it means, my breethering, the
city of New Yorleans, the mother of
har-lots and hard -lots--whar corn is
worth six bits bushel one day and nary
red the next-whar niggers are as thick
as black bugs in spilled bacon ham, and
gamblers, thieves and pickpocts 60 skit-
ing about the streets like weasels in
barn yard-wEar they have cream col
ored horses, gilded carriages, marble
saloons with brandy and sugar in 'em-
whar honest men are scarcer than hens
teeth, and strange women oncet TUX in
your beluv-ed preacher and bamboozled
him out of two hundred and twenty
seven dollars in the twinklin' of a sleeps
tail but she can't do it agin. Hallelu-
jah for "they shall gnaw file and flee
unto the mountains Of Hepzidam. whar
the lion roareth and the wang-doodle
for its first-born.'
My breethering, am captain of that
tlat-boat you see tied up thar, and I've
got aboard of her flour, bacon and cats,
and potatoes and apples, and as good
Monongehaly whiskey as you ever drank;
and I'm mighty apt tu git a big price
for it all. But what, oh, my breether-