Glasgow weekly times. (Glasgow, Mo.) 1848-1861, 1857-11-19

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HOW BEN PURTLE GOT HIS WIFE.
The very climax of ugliness was Ben
Purtle. He was red-haired, and each hair
stood as if it cherished tie supremenst con-
tempt for its next neighbor. His face was
Greckled as the most be-spotted guinea egg.
His nose, the end turned vicionsly to one
side. His mouth had every shape but a
pretty one. His form was uncouth as his
face was ugly. The very climax of ugli-
ness was Ben Purtle-what was more still,
Ben had handsome, bouncing, blooming
wile-such as only can be grown on a coun-
try farm.
GLOW the deuce" said to Ben one day,
"did you ever get such wife, you un-
couth, mishapen, quintescence Of monstros-
ity?"
Ben was not at all offended by the imper
tinence Of my question, and forthwith he
proceeded to solve the mystery thus:
"Well, now gals what's sensible aipN
cotch by none Of your purity and hifolutin
airs. I've seed that tried morn'e once. You
know Kate was alters considered the pur.
test gal in these parts, and the yo :ng fel
lers in the eighborhood used TO try to cotch
her. Well, used TO go to old Sammy's too,
just TO kinder look on, you know, and cast
sleeps eyes at Kate. But Lord sakes!
had no more though: could get Kate than
that Jerusalem cricket could hide in the
hair that wasn't on old Sammy's bald head
no stree. But still couldn't help going
on, my heart would kinder futter, and my
eyes would burn all over, whenever I'd 90
to talk to Kate. And one day when Kate
sorter made fun of me like, it almost killed
me, sure. l went home with something like
rock iostlin about in my breast, and swore
I'd hang myself with the first plow line l
found"
Did you hang yourself" asked.
mo, daddy blazed out at me for not talk
ing old Bald to pasture in the morning, and
scared me SO bad forgot it,"
$50 on said /, seeing Ben pause with
apparent regret that he had not executed
his vow.
"Wall, soon one Sunday morning (Ireck-
on it was about year after the hanging
scrape) l got up and scraped my face with
daddy's old razor, and put on my new cop
prus bntches, and new linsey coat man.
my had dyed with sassalrac bark, and other
txens, and went over to uncle Sammy's.-
Now, Id got to loving Kate like all crea-
tion, but | had never cheaped to anybody
about my feelings. But l know'd was on
the right side Of the old folks"
"Well now, amt it quar-" continued Ben
after a slight pause, during which he rolled
his quid 10 more convenient place in his
mouth, chow feller will feel, sometimes?
Something seemed to say as went along;
Ben Purtle, this is great day for 5rns and
then my heart jumped and futtered like a
jay bird in trap. And when l got there
and seed Kate with her new checked home
spun frock on, l rally thought should take
the blind staggers nyhow."
Ben paused again to brush the fog from
his eyes, and then continued:
"Well, | found the order of the day was
a muscadine hunting. Joe Sharp and his
two sisters, and Jim Boes war thar. I'd
known a long time that Joe Sharp was af-
ter Kate, and hated him wus than a hog
hates TO find the way out Of a tater patca,h 7
| didn't let on. Sharp had on white britch-
eS ana Ine SHOES, anu uTUuGClClu coat UhL
every body knOw'd he wasn't worth red
cent. He walked with Kate, and you ought
to seen the airs he put on. 1t was Miss
Katy this, and Miss Katy that, and all such
nonsense. After bit, we came TO slough
whar we had TO cross on log-rd no.
ton to pitch the sassy good for nuthin into
the water"
"Why didn't you?' Iasked, sympalhising
with the narrator.
"Stop never mind said Ben, giving me
anudge, Providence done all thatup brown.
Nothing would do, but Joe Sharp pmust lead
Miss Kaa across first He jumped on the
log in higegee, and took Kae's hand and
off they put, Jist as they got half way a
cross tarnation big bullfrog jumped of il
the waler-you know how they holler-
Snake. screamed the blasted fool, and jump