Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1857-10-27

veracIty of statements. reserving to the mem
bers Of the firm the duty of rendering written
and formal opinions upon the cases presented
Early In the morning enters Mrs. Heartease
young widow of twenty-three, whose husband
mas been dead two years and who has recently
received an offer Of marriage from Mr. Flourish
McHumbug. She opens her heart to her bust
ness cOnfidants, tells how she admires Mr.. Me-
Humbug, how scanty the funds are that were
left by her late dear Heartease, what a nice
and amiable man her new sutOr is, how fond
her little curly-headed dauS uShter is of him and
how happy she expects they will all be when
Mr.. McHumbug comes to live with them Keen,
Short Blunt listen for an hour or two to her
story. and learn more about McHumbug's char
acter and purposes than the sweet widow could
learn IN forty years, tell her that they will take
The matter under adviSement, and send her
away. The next day they send her their bill ::
Mrs Virginia Heurtease,
To Keen. Short 4 Blunt DR.:
Two hours conversation. iOn................ $50
One and half ditto, consultation. .. Is
s35
g The boy who presents the bill gives Mrs H.
a note in legal envelope, which she opens and
reads as follows
DEAR MADAM We have come to the con-
clusiOn that YOU are deceived. We are salts
fed thai McHumbug is knaye, and entertains
no regard for anything but your money. We
are professionally constrained to say that You
are very silly young woman to have anything
to do with him. Yours, truly,
KEEN, SHORT It Blunt,
Confidential Counsellers
At noon enters a young man with a roll of
manuscript He timidly salutes Mr. Blunt,
and tells him he was about to send his manu-
script to an editor for publication. but had con-
eluded to consult their firm before yenturing
to do so. He hands his production to Mr. Blurt
hO la att
sulting his library very frequently. Atlast he
looks up over his spec tacleS and asks - Have
you ten dollars about you '' and having re-
ceived his fee he proceeds = Young man. you
come here to De told the truth. You have
shown me a parcel of stuff which you saw you
intend to publish 1t is my candid opinion
that you had better put il in the fire. Your
command of language is none OF the best your
choice of topics is injudiciOus your classical
allusiOns are iil-timed; your style is strained;
your efforts at humor are mere shams and
you have not learned to conine your effusiOns
within anything like reasonable compass. Re-
member sir, mean no offence. but you have
paid me for telling you the truth, and L hope
you will value aud act upon ii accordingly"
The young aspirant departs without his ten
dollars, but a wiser If a sadder man.
Next comes n man who thinks ne has a good
law-hitch on his neighbor, and desires to con-
suit Keen, Short & Blunt as to the prOpriety of
commencing legal proceedings. He explains
the case and shows them how he hopes to win.
They listen patiently, but admOnish him from
time to time TO speak the truth If he wants a
truthful opinion. He concludes his applica-
ton, pays twenty dollars, and receives from
Blunt the following opinion:
Dear Sir: We have carefully considered
your case. Your design Is to swlndle your
neighbor. We think a smart lawyer would ell
able you TO succeed, yet you will be foolish in
prosecuting the attempt Go home, invite your
neighbOr to dinner, give up the paper You hold
against him, and never again think Of robbing
hun Of what is justly his because you have an
apparent legal right on your side. Hoping for
further patronage from yCu, we remain your
O5edIent servants,
KEEN, SHORT BLUNT"
An hour afterwards an application is made
by young Highfalutin SOnOrOus, n politician in
embryo. who desires to take advice on tho pro-
priety Of his accepting Office that has been
rendered to him by his party. lie goes over
the matter with as much truthfulness re-
peated hints from the cOunsellors can COM
Inand. and is dismissed to the parlOr while the
members Of the firm consult. In a few min
utes a servant asks Mr.. SOnorous for twenty
dollars, which being paid, he presents the fol-
lowing note
Dear Sir: You have been educated for busi-
ness at some expense Your father evidently
designed you for practical business man. You
have talent, though it has been somewhat dis
sipated- But We compelled, in obedience
to our professional duty to say that you will
ruin yourself if you embark in politics. You
are unable in all essential respects, to fill tho
proposed role. You would undoubtedly fail.
Stick to your law books. Mr. SDnorous and let
politics 20 10 grass. Mind your own business.
and you will soon be rich; begin to serve the
political public. and you will soon become worth
less. Yours. sincerely.
KEEN, SHORT & BLUNT"
We can fancy hundreds Of other cases in
which the members Of the new profession of
TruthtelleTs would be consulted. All of that
large class who are justly distrustful Of their
own judgment would be glad to refer delicate
and dubious matters to men whose business il
should DO 10 speak disagrecable truths for n
proper reward. No doubt the new profession
would suffer from the unprOfessipnal falsity
and hattery Of the unworthy, but consistent
and absolute Yeracity would secure 70 the de-
serving the great bulk of the consultation busi-
ness. In an age when SD many men are paid
. for chicanery and decept on ii would be
freshiny To see "A class established whose emol-
ument depended upon their candor and yeraci-
;, ty. We must say, however, that We have very
,1itt!e present hope Of the establishment OF the
profession Of Tru thtellers on the plan proposed.
SIN8ULAR CASE OF SUiCIDE.-tiaIIgn1ni chr on
ieles the following strange suicide a having re-
Gently taken place in Paris: A well q !essed man,
th IS years Of aye, went on the l2h Ia the top OF
th- Column Of JGlY, Place de la BL>tille, and a.
10 WIS surrounded by number OF persons, he
after while, politely reGues ted some Of them 10
allow him 10 approach the railing to enjoy the
PdROramic view before him Attrf gazing about
Tor some little time, he remarked How is il pos
p sible that people can ever have the cOu a Je TO
throw Themselves from such heights! Evea TO
look down causes fe1E.'' The neOpie npat him
looked down and at the same momrnt he laid his
hand nI the failing ahd Rang himself uve.- lie
fell In his head, which va 80 DIR adfG!ly crushed
that death IIIuSt have been in>taaianru,is. Moth
fnS f"Cnd on him sEowrd who lac was, and his
bod i Was sent To the MoTgue.
~
~ Religious EesIvals are ia p.os ,esS in sew
al he in