San Andreas independent., 1857-10-03
Sut Lovengood's Shirt.
BY 81, OF TENN.

lsfied me that something was wrong. He
had been sick-whipped in free fight,
or was just outgrowing one of his big
drunks. But upon this point I was soon
enlightened
What, Sut, what's wrong now!"
Heaps wrong; durn me skin if
amt most ded. Lite off of that hoss,
George, an take horn, while | take
two, Shaking that everlasting flask of his
at me) an plant yerself ON that ar LOG an
I'll tell ye eff | ken, but it's most beyond
tellin'. | recken I'm the darndest fool
out en- Utaw scept my dad, for he acted
hoss, an [ hain't dun that yet-allers in
some trap that cudent kech a sheep. III
drown myself some day, see eff l don t.
jest to stop family disposition to make
d-n fools on themselves"
"How is it, Sut; have you been beat
playing cards, or drinking, which is it ?''
Nara one; that can't be did in these
parts; but, seein' it's you, George, I'll
tell you; but | swar Pm 'shamed-sick
sorry, and-and-mad | am.
Ye know [ boards with Bill Carr, at
his cabin on the mountain, and pays fol-
sich as | gifts when [ hev money, an
when [ hevent any, he takes one-third
out In cussin; and she, that's his wife,
Bets, takes out tother two-thirds with her
battlin' stick, and the intrust with her
tongue, and the intrust's more n the prin-
cip'l-heap more. She's the cussedest
oman ever seed eny how for jaw, breed
in and pride She can scold blister
onto bulls face rite on the curl in two
minits. She outbreeds ev'ry thing on
the river-and patterns after evry fashion
she hears tell on, from bussels to breeches
Oh. she's one on 'em, and sometimes
she's two or three. Well, ye see, got
some hum made cotton truck to make a
new shirt out en-, and coaxed Bets to
make it, and about the time it wur dun
here comes lawyer johnson along and
axed fur breakfus-I wish it had pizened
him, durn his hide, and | wonder it
didn t, for she cooks awful mixings when
she tries. I'm pizen proofmyself" (hold-
ing up his flask and peeping through it,
cor I'd been ded long ago.
"Well, while we were a eatin' she
spied out that his shirt was stiff an
mighty slick; so she never rested till she
worm'd it outen him that prep ration of
-four did it; and she got few pertic lars
about the proceedings outen him by
'oman's arts-I don't know how she did
it, but perhaps he does. Arter he left
she set in an billed big pot of paste
nigh onto peck Of it, and soused in my
shert an let it soak awhile, then she tuck
it an ironed it out fat and dry and sot it
up on its aidge agin the cabin in the sun.
Thar it stood as stiff as dry hoss hide,
an it ratified like sheet of iron, it did.
1t were pasted together all over. When
| cum to dinner nothin' wud do but [
must put it on. Well, Bets an me got
the thing open arter some hard work, she
pulling at one of the tails and me at the
tother, an got into it. Durn the ever
lasting new tangled shert, | say. | felt
like | had crawled into an old bee gum
an hit full of pisants; but it were like
lawyer Johnson's and | stud it like man,
and went to work to build Bets ash
hopper. [ worked powerful hard and
swet like hoss, and when the shert got
wet it quit its hurting.
Arter | got dun | took about four
fingers of d-head, and crawled up into
the cabin loft to take a snuze.
"Wall, when | walked up [ thought [
was ded, or had the cholery, for all the
iints | could move were my ankles, wrists
and knees-couldn't even move my he'd
and skasely wink my eyes-the cussed
shert was pasted fast to me all over, from
the pint of the tails to the pint of the
broadax collar over my years. 1t sot to
me as close as a poor COW does to her
hide in March. squirmed and strained
till sorter cot it broke at the shoulders
and elbows, and then | done the durndest
foolish thing ever did in these noun
tains. shuffled my britches off and tore
loose from my hide about two inches of the
tail all around, in much pain and tribula-
ton. Oh but it did hurt Then |
TUX up plank outen the loft and hung
my legs down through the hole and nailed
the aidge of the front tail to the floor be-
fore me, and the hind tail l nailed to the
plank what | sot on. [ unbuttoned the
collar and risbands, raised my hands away
above my head, shot up my eyes, said
grace, and jumped through to the ground
fore"
Here Sut remarked sadly:
George, I'm darnder fool than ever
dad was, horse, hornets, an ALL I'll
drown myself some of these days, see eff [
don't"
"Well, go on, Sut; did the shirt come
off,"
"I-t-h-i-n-k-i-t-d-i-d. [ hearn a
noise sorter like tearin' shingle roof off
ov a house all at onst, and felt like my
bones were all that reached the fore. |
staggered to my feet and took look at
nv shert. The nails had all hilt their
holt, and thar it were hanging, arms
down, inside out, and as stiff as ever. 1t
looked like mp of Mexico jist after one
of the first battles-a patch Of my hide
about the size of bird S nest thar; then