Smyrna times., 1857-12-31
Written for the Smyrna Times.
Miss Bridget.

Miss Bridget.
e This GmiaOIe young lady q who "doesn'
wish to be at all personal" CD "fully, absc
;, lutely declines noticing our emanations," bu
E the very next instant does notice several point
: which were little too sharp for her comfort
but neglects others--treats 'em, perhaps, wit
silent contempt-does as the little man d
. when he saw the big man wearing his coat
mdgmGnimOHsly concluded to let him alone =
More likely, though, that she didn't see thu
point, because she was the butt!
Her article is too much like an Irish bull
Try it again, Miss B. and don't betray your
blood so much!
Miss b. speaks of "several blunders' She
must include her OWn, like her com. patriot, who
saw several ghosts, one in the form of jack
ass, which proved to be his OUn ShadO,o She
says, "ln ignorance there is bliss, chow happy
she must be , and then makes Sympathiz-
ing remark In her tliSsfuL ignorance she
thought " felow-tee;ing existed, and it made
her "wondrous kind"
Miss b. considers our article lengthy
Granted. Like the boy who tried to set
goose on more eggs than she could cover, we
"wanted to see the old goose spread herse!f!"
On locking over Miss BIS performances, we
find about as much connection Of ideas as there
is in Foote'S "Clever Nonsense" which we
give below. They are just alike--Foote's is
nonsense-so is Miss BIS. They are not alike,
for Foote'S is clever nonsense, but Miss BIS is
nonsense without the clever
so she went into the garden to cut cab
bage-leat to make an apple-pie, and, at the same
time, a great she-bear coming up the street
pops its head into the shop. What no soap! |!
So he died, and she very imprudenty married
the barber; and there were present the Pic
nlnnies, and the Jobillies, and the Garyulies,
and the great Paniandrum himself, with the
little round button at top, and they all fell to
paying the game OF catch as catch can till
the gunpowder ran out of the heels of their
boots" Now, if Miss B. can get off anything
witty, we would like to see it, but there's moth
ing of the kind in all that she has soied so
much good paper with.
AOIy HuotduOusi eH Odn e prove IL, |
Miss b. But suppose your assertion true, what
then! Why simply this it proves that Theo.
rius' acquaintance with authors and retentive
memory are far superior to what Miss BIS can
ever become. Sheer envy. Miss D., sheer envy
made you say that! 80 .....
So this lady C) wants a Book of Quota
tions." Qts evident that she needs books very |
much. We would send her some If we thought
she could understand dnything.) AS to this
particular book We have nothing of the name.
APHoEIsMs for Miss BIS sweet }, sef-sweet
y, more like onions and bad whiskey,-phew
When you have nothing to say, say moth.
ing.
Miss B. has done this from first to last
TheOriuS. ..'..
"a dull author just delivered is a very i'm.
pOrtant animal (in his own estimation.")
The writer of the above must have known
just like Miss B.-TAeorius.
!"Were we as eloquent as angels, we should
please some senseless women more by listening
than by talking"
That is, if they were like the innocent"
(of WiD Miss B. We are listening. 1heOrius.
$50 idle are dull readers, and so industrious
are dull authors, that pu6ea nonsense bids fair
to supersede everything different in its nature"
This wes written long since, but it is evident
that Miss b. is a LneaI descendant of one of
these dull people referred to. Her blood has
never been contaminated by contact with any
thing sensible. We pity her, indeed we do,
but it can't be helped. 1t has been running in
the same muddy channel too long, Theorius.