Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1857-06-18
THE SICK BACmELOR.

Here [ am, a doomed man-bookcd
for fever in this gloomy room, up four
flights of stairs nothing to look at
but one table, two chairs and cobweb;
pulse racing like a locomotive; head
throbbing as if it were hoopcd with
iron; mouth parched as Ishmael's in
the desert ; nota bell-rope within reach;
sun pouring in through these uncur-
tanned windows, hot enough to singe off
my cye-lashes all my confidential let
ters lying close on the table, and I
lephid dfie get up to thenl lif you held one
6lts TavelSeFsis % my .heasl.sAll
my masculine (O friends are paradfng
Broadway, I suppose, poeping under
the pretty girls bonncts, or g drinking
sherry coblers." \ sherry .cobler
Bachus! what luxury. believe
Satan suggested the thought to me.
Heigho! f.! I suppose the doctor, whom
they have sent for. will come before
long, some great pompous Ksculapius
with an owl-phiz, a gold-headed cane,
an oracular voice, and callous heart and
hands; who will first manipulate my
wrists, and theu take the latitude. and
longitude of my tongue, then he will
give INC puHCu III luC ILoS, anu LUZ
mcnt me with more questions than
there arc in the Assembly catechism
then he'll bother me for writing mate
rails to scratch hierogliphic hunbug
prescription, ordering five times as much
medicine as [ need; then I shall have
to pay for it; then ten to one the apothc-
eary's boy will put up a poison by mis-
takel Caesar, how my head spins round
Hippodromc racing is nothing to it.
Hist! there's the doctor. No! 1t is
that little unregencratc cub, my land
lady's. pet boy with a bran-ncw drum,
Gas I'm alive upon which he is beating
crucifying tattoo. If [ only had a
boot-jack to throw, at him. No! that
wouldn't do his mother. Wouldn't make
my Cruel I'll bribe him for six
pence to keep the peace. The little
embryo jew! Twittcd by a little PIN
naforc L, Tom Halliday; six feet in
my stockings l. 1 shall go frantic ,!,
I. +" Doctor is coming: We'll let him
come, I'm as savage as if had dincd
off a cold missionary. I'll pretend to
be asleep and let old Pilbox experiment.
How gently he treads; how soft his
hand is; and how cool and delicious
his touch; how tenderly he parts my
hair over my throbbing temples! His
magnetic touch thrills every drop of
blood in my veins, it is marvellous how
soothing it is. L feel as happy as "A
humming bird in lily cup, drowsy
with honey dew. Now he's moved
away. [ hear him writing prescrip-
ton. I'll just take peep and see what
he looks like. Caesar Agrippa! if it
isn't a female physician! dainty as a
Peri-anI my beard three days OLD !!
What bust Wonder how my hair
looks? What foot and ankle! What
shoulders: what little round waist !
Fever I've got twenty fcvers, and the
heart complaint besides What the
mischief sent that little witch here? She
will either kill or cure me quick.
Wonder if she has any more mascu-
line patients? Wonder if they arc
handsome ?-Wonder if she lays that
little hand on their forehead as she did
on mine ? Now she's done writing, I'll
shut my. eyes and groan, then maybe
she'll pct me some more; bless her little
soul
She says "poor" as. she holds my
wrist, " his pulse is too quick" In the
namo of Cupid what does she expect?
She says as she pats my forehead with
her little plump fngcrs," Sh-slr2 Keep
cool Lava. and birthstone docs ashe
take me for an iceberg? ...'- -,ss.-
Oh, Cupid Of all your devises, this
feminine doctoring for bachelor, is
the ne plus ultra of witchcraft. If I don't
have prolonged run of fcvcr, my name
isn't Tom Halliday .... @
She's gonc-!-and gone too