Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1857-02-18

self of the humbug OF the pretence, but to get
something of the @modus operanai' of the
humbuggery for his readers. As none but la
dies were admitted, he had to go ''ineOg,'' by
performing deed which quite unsexed" him.
Here's the way, he says he got through the first
preliminary
Heroic is our reporter, and, withal, ingenious.
He would visit this Madame Morrow, not by
proxy, but in his own proper person; if not as a
man, then as a woman; yes, he would petticoat
himself up to the required dimensions If it took
aweek to tie on the machinery. Off with the
pantaloons; on with the skirts; down with the
broadcIoth; hurrah for the cotton, and hey for
victory and look at his future husband The
requisite paraphernalia were bargnined for and
sent home to our ambitious representative, who,
at the sight thereof, was ''astonishedn in adj
vance, and stricken aghast by the complicated
mysteries of laceS, ribbons strings, bones, but
tons, pins capes, collars, and other lnexplicable
articles that met his gaze. The question Instant
" occurred, "Could he get into these things2"
Not bit of il; he would sooner undertake to
report in shorthand the speech of thunder
cloud, and with much better prospects of sue
cess. He felt his own insignificance, and as he
looked out at the window, he regarded a pass
ing female with awe. He felt that he was fast
becoming imbecile, not to say iGiotic, when he
bethought him of his friends Two discreet
married men, who knew the'ropes, were called
to the rescue, and begun the work; they piled on
layer after layer of the material andin the course
of four or ffie hours had built him into pyra-
mid of the proper size, when they gave him
their solemn assurance that he was 'all right"
He has since discovered that they tied his un-
dersleeyes round his ankles, and that the things
he wore on his arms must have belonged some
where else. However, the disguise was COM
plete; he looked in the glass and thought lie was
his own landlady; his estfriends wouldn't have
known him, and the teller of the bank would
have pronounced him u forgery and refused to
certify him; he felt like full rugged clipper ship
and got under sail rs soon as possible and bore
down upon Madame Morrows residence. He
nearly capsiZed as he got out of the stage, but
he righted after heavy lurch to the northeast,
and Kept his course without further serious dis
aster. He made speedy run to Broome street.
the voyage being accomplished IN less than the
expected time, although a heavy sea in the
shape of boy with a wheelbarrow, struck him
amidships, on the corner of Sheriff street, do
ing some damage to his lower works and carry
ing away yard or so of lace from his main
skirt He finally came up to the house in SPLEEN
did style, and cast anchor on the opposite side
walk TO take an observation.
Our reporter, protected by his false colors mp
preached the house, and was admitted by an
Irish girl, whose incrusted face showed that the
same deposit of dirt had probably held posses
sion undisturbed for weeks.
She led our lovely reporter into little closet
like room, in which was bureau, two chairs, a
table and small stand covered with number
of her business handbilIs and pack of cards
She asked first: "What month was you born?"
On receiving the answer, the Astonisher took
book from the bureau and read as follows: "a
person born in this month is of an amiable and
frank disposition, benevolent, and an aminble
and desirable partner in the marriage relation.
Your lucky days are Tuesdays and Thursdays,
on which days you may enter on any undertake
ing, or attempt any enterprise with good pros
pect Of success" Then she took up the caltlS
again and after the usual shufflng and cutting
the Astonisher fired away as follows: You face
luck, you face prosperity, you face true love and
DISTINGUISHED affection you face a speedy mar
riagc, you face letter which will come in three
days and will contain pleasant news-you face
ring, you face a present of jewelry done up in a
small package; the latter will come within two
hours, two days, two weeks or two months
you face IN agreeable surprise, you face the
death of friend, you face the seven of clubs
which is the luckieSt card in the pack-you face
two gentlemen with view to matrilnony, one
Of whom has brown hair and brown eyes, and
the other has lighter hair and blue eyes-they
are both thinking of you at the present time,
but the nearest you face is the one with light
eyes-your marriage runs within six or nine
same effect, but as our reporter was pining all
this time for a look at his future husband, he
did not pay the strictest attention to it. Final
IL, when she had finished talking she said, "Step
this way and see your future husband"
This was the eventful moment
Our reporter went to the table, and there be-
held a pine box, about the ordinary size Of
candle box, though shallower; it was implanted
and decidedly unornamental rs an article of fur
niturc In one end of it was an aperture about
the size of the eyehole of telescope; this was
carefully covered with small black curtain
This mystic continuance was placed upon ia
BILE SO low that our reporter was compelled to go
on his knees to get his eye down low enough to
see through. He accomplished this feat without
grumbling, although his knees were scariied by
the whalebone which surrounded him. The As
tonisher then drew aside the little curtain with
a grand flourish, and our delegate beheld an in
distinct figure Oft bloated face with mustache,
with black eyes and black hair; it was hang
dog, thicflike face, and one that our well-poSted
reporter would not have passed in the street
without involuntary putting his hands on his
pockets to assure himself that all was right
But he felt that he had no hope of future hus-
band if he did not accept this one, and he made
up his mind to be rcconciled to the match.
This contTivance for showing the fixture hus-
band" is sometimes called the Magic Mirror and
may be procured at any opticians for a dollar
and quarter. The future husband may of
course be varied to suit circumstances, by mere
ly shifting the pictures at one end of the instru
ment; or horse or dog might be substituted
with equal propriety and probability.
Madame Morrow receives many visitors, all,
of course, females; sometimes as many as TWEEN
ty presenting themselves in a single day. The
average is perhaps fifteen, which is, however,
low estimate.
THE citizens of Louisville were afflicted fora
few days with very disagreeable smell. No
one could account for it, Housewives cleaned
and scrapcd their pantries, and chambers and
cellars, in order to remove the nauseating ODER