White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1857-06-25
Correspondence.
olraox. no. Iune 22. ls57.

OHBGoN, NO. June ~, 1901.
Mr.. EDIToE:-After weeks repose from tn
stunning effects of the charge made by " L. J
L., and the Ladies generally" upon my hsnOra
BE body, have succeeded in recovering my as
tonished senses, and find myself upon the tract
again. feel very feeble, though, and venture
forth with palpitating heart and quivering pen
therefore, If my ideas become rather z:gzagish
YOU must excuse me, and attribute the deviationi
% my nervous excitability.
I do not know that can blame L. J. L. ant
her sran for the disasters that followed this col
lision, for was running out Of time,'' and no
paying much attention to my business. Howev
er, the circumstance has set my brain to work
and have concluded to turn Spectator on the
strength Of It, and see If cannot guzzle III.
people about as fast as some Of the other swim
dlers- propose TO organize joint stock com
pany. under the name and style Of T. Fiddle
sticks Pileser & Co, with capital Of Is cent
Ito buy tobacco with The operations to be
cbnducted By the company, viii be the negotia-
tons Of marriages. The company win under
take the cases Of unmarried persons Of both sex.
IS, and conduct them from the first dawn of love
through all the tedious, soft, romantic and hai
scenes that generally occur, to the ultimate hops
of all--marriage. They will make love, conduct
the courtship, pop the question in most elegant
style, and intersperse the whole with all the ag-
onizing and excrueiating ordinations and ap-
peals necessary, regulated to suit the disposition
of parties. They viii also ask the q old folks, y
and if they do not consent, run the young ones
of, and have them married. and have all done
on very reasonable terms. You can insert this
in your advertising columns, and request all the
papers in the Universe to copy, and send the pa
per, marked, to my address. Now, then, all We
withered specimens Of humanity, who are too
timid to make known your wants, come along
drop few lines to T. Fiddlestieks Pileser & Co.
describing the size, age and complexion that
would suit you best; also, make known your age
height and color. It is necessary that all the
particulars should be given, for the company do
not wish TO impose too much upon their custom
ers. It is considered sufficient that the public
should be gulled into the belief that the exist
ence of such an establishment is a necessity. II
may be well to state that few preliminaries are
necessary. viz: 1.-THE person be green one, .
he must have his " eye-teeth cut, - and the rough
corners knocked of, by being subjected to the
perils of a church-door gauntlet few times. AT
ter he has learned to receive the "mitten " in
the most elegant manner, he win then be con-
sidered sufficiently brazen to venture his full
length In love scraps.
If the person prove, on examination, to be too
sharp, it viii be necessary to take him down a
apeg or two" to ensure his safety. Or if he
be dull. dry and prOsy, his feelings must receive
an injection of the coil of Rifection," mixed
with proportionate quantity Of the "milk Of
human kindness"
There, now, just as I've got it all fixed, primed
and ready t. fire of, notice is placed before
me, that marriage has taken place just outside
of town; and just now another wedding party
has passed down street. Well, that's my con
founded luck-too slow in the conception of
ideas. While l have been forming my plan of
operations, these chaps have succeeded in pop
ping the question, and have already slipped out
ofthe pale of bachelorhood. Well, Aersr mind;
there are plenty of them left yet III set my
traps, and wait for business.
It has been 80 long since marriage has taken
place in Oregon, that the greatest excitement
prevails when it is even limited that certain
youngsters may perchance take sort % sneak
in notion after each other. It cannot be won
dered at, then, that when wedding party passed
through town, every body, Including the dogs,)
should be astir, al agape, with wondering mouths
distended, all exclaiming-"I do declare
"Just as I expected" "Who'd thought it,
So They need not been so sly about it," "Won-
der if it really is so,'' !" Well, l never" Bow,
WOW, WOW, WOW. Il is wonderful event, Mr..
Editor. Men drop their books and papers, con-
gregate on corners, and with hands crammed
deep into their breeches pockets, gravely discuss
the matter 1t is serious thing-so the specu-
lators consider it, for there's one source from
whence golden streams flow, for ribbons, extra
fneries, and gewgaws that are used to entrap
gullable man, completely dried up. The dried
up, gruf old bachelors eve wistfully follows the
train, and secret wish that twas him enters
his heart. Envious wretch! his miserable con.
dition will.not allew him to view with pleasure
the happiness of Others. Even the gosling faced
STRIPPING is out, and in the fondness of his heart
INDUCES in dreams of the time when he shall be
driving out of town in such glorious fix!
1t has all passed, and the tOo-ri-loo-ri-lOo.
bang Whang minstrels, after excrting themselve:
wonderfully in tuning up their cew-bells, tin
pans, brass-kettles, hOrse-fddles, and broken
tongusd jews-harps, are too late. The birds
haze flown, and they win be compelled, ike the
venerable Uncle Ned, at his demise, to hang up
their ausical instruments, and wait for more
seasOnable opportunity.
Yours, until there's different arrangement,
T.FIDDLESTICKS PIbESER.
vIRGrSiA ELxcrIos.--The Deese@aey of Viz.
ginia have elected the entire dsieg7tlon 10 Con.