The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1857-02-19
A Quaker jumping a Ditcb.

ker, who sold molasses, Goldfish, china,
earthen ware, and clothes-and all sorts
of liquors. We like the Quakers, in
deed as well as in name, and Hezekiah
was Hickory Quaker. He was some
what of an old bachelor, and had sister
that was somewhat of an old maid. But
she was the best creature alive, straight
as candle, blooming as rose, and smi-
ling as charity. Her name was Dorcas.
Hezekiah and Doreas walked one Sun.
day afternoon. in the blooming month of
May, to breathe the fresh air and view
the meadows. The walking was smooth
and delightful, with nosmanner of OBJ.
struction, except here and there a ditch
full of water, spanned by few lodges;
and too wide for man of ordinary jump
ing capacity to clear at single bound.
But Hezekiah valued himself, as fat peo-
pie generally do, on his agility, and in
stead of walking few rods for the sake
of bridge, he must needs leap every
ditch he came to.
"Thee'd better not try that, Hezekiah,''
said the kind and considerate sister.
"Never thee mind, Dorcas," replied
Hezekiah, "there's no danger; I've
jumped bigger ditch when wasn't half
my present size"
"All that's very likely, but recollect
thee's grown exceedingly pussy since
thee was young man.
pussy? Well, if I have, that's no
reason why shouldn't be as agile as be-
fore | tell thee. Dorcas, can jump this
ditch without SO much as touching a fin1
ger"
"Ah. but thee'll touch thy feet upon
the bottom''
"Thee's but woman, Dorcas, and
thy fears magnify this ditch even to
river. Now, stand thee aside, that may
have sweep according to my abilities"
.Nay, brother Hezekiah, thee'd better
not. The ditch is wide and the bottom
muddy and thee'd assuredly spoil thy
Sunday clothes, il not worse"
80 fudge for thy fears, girl, they shall
not stay me a jot. Nay, do not hold me
as am resolved to jump thai ditch if it
were merely to convince thee of my agili-
ty."
Accordingly, Hezgksah went back a
few yards in order that he might have a
fair run. and that the impulse thereof
might carry him over. Having retreated
far enough he came forward with mo-
mentum proportioned TO his weight and
velocity-and found himself in the ditch.
The water splashed around on all sides
and spotted the Sunday clothes of Dorcas,
who could not, with all her Quaker So
briefly and kind feeling help bursting into
a loud laugh. There was Hezekiah show.
ing bis agility, and foundering in the
mud like whale. The water was not so
deep as to be dangerous, and the sight
was too irresistibly comic for even saint
to abstain from laughing, though on the
Lords day.
At length, when her risability would
allow her power of speech, Dorcas kind
ly held out her hand and said.
"Come hither, Hezekiah and l will
help thee out.''
"Well, WE'LL" returned the founderer
in a tone Of vexation sthee does we'll,
Dorcas, to stand there and laugh at me
as though it were mere sport to see me
stick in the mud and water up to my very
middle
"Nay, nay, Hezekiah, thee has shown
thy agility so marvelously that could
not help being pleased for the life of me
and now l take shame to myself for
opposing thee so strenuously, or having
doubted thy capacity for jumping. But
if thee's satisfied with thy exploit and
ready to come forth, 1 will lend thee a
hand to help thee out"
Thus saying, Dorcas drew near the
ditch, but Hezekiah having got himself in
by his unaided power, declared that he
would get himself out in the same way.
But the mud was deep and adhesive, and
as he got one foot out he got the other in;
and thus he continued to labor and pluuge
till he was satisfied that his own ability
was better calculated to help him in than
to help him out of the ditch. He grew
wrotn and SO forgetting the plain LAM
guage, he exclaimed:
"By-!"
"Don't thee swear, Hezekiah," interi
rupted Dorcas.
''Swear!' roared Hezezekiah, "thee'd
swear if thee were herep'
"Swear not al all, Hezekiah, but even
lend me thine hand and I'll use my abili-
ty to pull thee ut,according to the scrip
ture which sayeth-''if thine OK or thy
ass fall into ditch on the Sabbath
day
"Now, sister Doreas, thee is too bad;
Verify thee should not make me SO heavy