The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1857-03-25

towards the setting sun borders OF our glorious
Union, when his attention was suddenly at
tracted by crowd of persons gathered arouno
the door.
He inquired Of boy whom he met, what
was going on?'
well. nothing 'cept the skule committy,
and they are agoin' in.'
oh! committee meets to-day, oh? What
for?'
WELL continued the boy, you see Bill,
that's our biggest boy-got mad, the other
day, at the teacher, and so he went all over
and gathered dead cats. Nothin' but cats, and
cats. Oh! it was orful-them cats?'
.Pshaw! what have the cats to do with the
school committee .---..4
Now, well, you see Bill kept bringin' cats;
alters pilin' them up yonder,' pointing to a
huge pile as large in extent as pyramid, and
considerably aromatic-'and he piled them,
and piled them. Nothin' but cats-cats!'
Never mind, my son, what Bill did. What
has the committee met for?'
Then Bill got sick, handlin' them. and
every body got sick nosin' them, but Bill got
madden and didn't give up, but kept piln'
up the cats, and
Tell me what the csmmittee are holding a
meeting for?'
why, the skule committee are going to
meet to hold a meeting to say whether they il
move the skuehouse or the cats! ae--
The old gent evaporated Immediately.
'Mr Snowman what is that?' THAT, my
dear, is the rhinocerow, He is cousng ger
man or dutch relative to the unicorn. He was
born in the desert of Sary Anne, and fed on
bamboo and missionaries. Heis very courage
nd 1oau ha
in which case he goes somewhere else unless
he is overtaken by the dark. He was brought
to this country much against his own WILL
melancholy and detected. He is now very
aged, although he has seen the youngest speci-
men of animated nature in the world. Pass
on, my little dear, and allow the ladies to sur
vey the wisdom of Providence, as displayedin
the ring tailed monkey, hanimal that can
stand angling like fellow critter, only it is
reversed ...... -.-.
A lawyer with an immense beard was bad
gering a witness in one Of Canadian courts
Now, my good man, have the goodness to look
me full in the face, and explain what has caused
the confusion under which you confessedly la
Dor. AS general rule people are not apt to
be SO much put about when telling the simple
veracitude. l fear that you have too good
cause for hemming and having after this pre-
posterous fashion, n4..
WELL SIR responded the witness, who, we
may state, was native of North Britain-'if
you must have the truth, you will have it
The thing that sac sairly confuses me, and puts
me about, is that bucks tail hanging frae your
lower lip ....--.. ..-.u... s..- r.
There is good story told of a handsome
yankee pedlar who made love to very young
widow, down in Pennsylvania. He accompa-
MED his declaration with an allusion to two
impediments to their union. Name Them
said the widow. The want of means to setup
retail store They parted, and the widow
sent the pedlar check for ample means
When they met again, the pedIar had hired
and stocked his store, and the smiling fairone
begged to know the other impeachment. i
have got a wife
Alfonso lombard, celebrated sculptor Of
the emperor Charles ", was great coxcomb.
He got punished one day by lady Of Bologna,
to whom he took it into his head to make love
in foppish manner. She was his partner at
ball. in the midst of which he turned to her,
and heaving profound sigh, said, as he look
ed in her face with what he thought ineffable
sweetness in his eyes, and we may suppose
some fantastic and writing gesture, If It's not
love | feel, pray what is it?' Perhaps said
the young lady, something bites YOU
In China they have fashion of rolling some
Of their criminals Of the worst class in tallow,
and then lighting the head, so that the man
gradually burns down like candle. A part
from the barbarity Of this punishment, it must
be said the criminal, by such means, is made
eight to his generation.
The local of the Lynchburg Virginian pub
fishes the following and says he has tried it
and found tito be good remedy:
To cure pain in the breast, procure well
made silk or WOODEN dress-with an equally
well constructed woman inside of it, and press
closeto the part affected. Repeat the applca
ton till the pain ceases. This recipe, when the
directions are carefully observed has rarely
been known to fail in effecting cure. The
medicine is found in almost every household,
and may possibly cost trife.'
Stopping at village inn there came on
thunder storm, and captain Hail. surprised that
anew country should have reached such per-
lection in these meteorologic manufactures,
said to aby-stander, WHY, you have very hea-
w thunder here WELL yes replied the
man, we do, considering the number Of inhab- !
itants' ~
My dear Polly, am surprised at your taste
in wearing another woman's hair on your head,
said Mr. Smith to his wife. As "a
My dear Joe, am equally astonished that
you persist in wearing another sleeps wool'on
your back There now .. rs'
MAY / leave few tracts?' asked a medical
missionary of a lady, who responded to his
knock
Leave some Enthusiastically you may,
said she looking at him most benignly over her
specs, leave them with the heel towards The
house, if you please
I am surprised that you should leave nIe,
Patrick said the widow Plunchem TO an dx-
boarder, when / set as good table as any dne
in town. ,-I
Och, ma am, an yer thable may be good
enough, but niver dacent bit do We put upon
it, sure /
Men are not attracted by highly polished
women so much as by truly natural and art
less women-women sufficiently educated; to
speak and write accurately, and sufficiently
childish not 10 dispise common things. /
A medical man Of New York says thai thbse
1adiac w ha M aid IT thair hnsinoec To tro,bla j, -,