The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1857-05-09
NO. 49,.

" travelling. had his wallet distracted
from his pocket by an adroit pickpocket,
while indulging in short nap. Inc
thief was SO disgusted with the result
of his ex plot, that he returned thePlunaer
by express, TO the address written inside
the wallet, with the following note;
"Your miserable skunk, hears your
pockit-book. don't keep no such
For man dressed as well as you was, 70
90 round with wallt with nothin' IN 1t
but lot of noose-paper scraps, an pass
from a railrode direetur, Is q contempt
cradle impursition on thepubhc. hear
your au editor, return your trash l
never robs only gentlemen.
na- -"Is Miss Blimkins at home!' asked
Mr.. Sanders of the Irish maid who an
swerod his ring at the door.
"Yes, and b'lave she is, sir.
"Is she engaged
Engaged, is it? faith an / can't say,
sir, but she kissed Mr.. Vincent last eve
ming, as if she had never seen the likes
of him, and it's engaged l b'lave they
are sir
When man comes home and tries to
bolt the door with sweet potatoe,
pokes the fire with the spout of the coffee.
pot, attempts to wind up the clock with
the boot Jack, tries to cut kindlings tor
his morning fire with an ivory paper
knife, takes cold boiled potato in his
hand to light him to bed, and prefers to
sleep in his hat and boots, you may
reasonably infer that he has been making
the acquaintance Of some very friendly
people!
rsn .Tamouche, a war chief Of the Utah
lndiaas, put two native physicians to
death, because they failed to cure two OF
his wives, who died UNDER their care he
sent them, in his own philanthropic ex-
preston, "to look after their patients.
ssa Twas not a bad saying of the old
English officer to young one Of crack
regiment ordered to China. Said he,
Il hope YOU will not fall into the hands
Of the Chinese. for understand they are
addicted to eating puppies"
ny~A Frenchman who was exhibiting
some relices and other curiosities, pro-
duced among other things, sword,
which he assured his visitors was "de
sword Balaam had, when he would kill
de ass" 4 spectator remarked that Ba-
laam had no sword, but only wished for
one. Very well, dis is de one he wish
ed for"
A green member of the Nebraska Leg
islature. when the election of the assls-
| tant clerk meup, called out, "Mr. Speak
er, | move We vote, rtce rersd.' The
whole house burst into roar, and not
knowing what it meant, greeny asked his
right hand man If it was not In order, adj
ding that he "didn,t know anything about
these ID parliamentary rules"
A young buck OF the soap lock order
lately accostcd a Yankee at one of our
hotels as tollows,-''l vow, fellow, some
people say | am a Frcnchman, and some
take me for Dutchman-now what do
you think amp why, / think you're
a fool" replied Jonathan.
"Why, you're only 'pretence,' said
an aristocratic little boy, tauntingly, to a
! hard Gsted little fellow, with whom he
was at play. The latter turned proudly
round, and while the fire OF injured pride
and the look Of pity were strongly blen-
del in his countenance, cody answered,
$50 was Frankiin.,'
aay~"Ah,,' said an Englishman the
other day, Il belong to country upon
which the sun never sets
"And l." said a Yankee, ''bclong to .
country OF which there can be no cor
rect map; it grows so fast that surveyors
cant keep up with II"
A young lady, scolding her beau for
not sending her the pair OF new shoes he
promised her, writes in a postscript as
follows: /" T. :. Thea shuz ort to be
on hand(?) and the recollection sticks ou;
about feet.
The peoplcof Peru arc soindolcnt that
, they open pea pods with an oyster-knite.
In driving horses, they always have two
men to each quadrupod-ono to hold the
reins. and the other to cry whoa. !"
'Is Mr.. Brown nan Of rneanst' ask
! cd gentleman Of old Nrs. Fizzleton
referring to oneof her neighbors. "Well
(. | reckon he ought to be drawled GU
t the ancient beldame, for he's the mea
nest man in town
:, "Salv," said fellow to cirl who has
: red hair keep away from me, ar vol
o will SET HE s.iire " "Eo danger of thnt