The weekly Columbian., 1857-05-30
WEEKLY COLU MBIAN
s @ U I b S

SO . B S.
Hezekiah says if his landlady knew
beans. she would not buy the article call
cd "burnt and ground coffee"
A pretty pair of eyes are the best mir
rors to shave by. "Yes," replied bach
elor, ON reading the above. "many man
has been shaved by them"
The bachelors are an ungallant set Of
fellows. At an annual supper few
nights ago, the following was one of the
toasts: Our future wives. Distance
lends enchantment to the view."
Matthew Lansberry used to say, "If
YOU wish to have shoe made of durable
materials. you should make the upper
leather of the mouth of hard driuker.
for that never lets in water"
As gold becomes refined by passing
through the ordeal of FIRE. so truth is the
purer for being tested by the furnace Of
fun; for jokes are to facts what melting
POTS are to metal. The utterer of COOL
Joke is useful member Of society.
A queer looking customer inserted his
inquired:
"Can bid. sir 2"
"Certainly," replied the auctioneer.
"Well, then," said the wag, walking
of, Il bid you good night"
We have lately heard of minister
named Craig, who purchased whistle,
and when his hearers went to sleep, he
emitted from it very shrill sound All
we're awake and stood up to hear him.
WE'LL" he said, "you are smart speci-
mems of humanity" as he slowly gazed
at his wondering people. When l
preach the Gospel you 60 to sleep; when
I play the fool you are awake"
"Look here, Jim," said young fellow
the other evening, to an old soaker, who
had evidently taken too deep an interest
in spiritual matters, and was still, with
the peculiar obstinacy of those in his con-
dltion, vociferating for another "smile. "
" Look here, old fellow! you will spoil
your constitution by this style of things
better hold up!" "Constitution be
blowed !" said the old fellow "I broke
that long ago! Been living on the by
laws this six months p
The philosophy of travellers has been
put to the severest test by detentions.
One of the most decided cases Of resigna-
ton is reported on train of cars from
[o1
mild this detention and annoyance !''
~Speaking to me, sir?" said the person
addressed, looking up from his paper
Yes. sir" was the reply. What's the
use of miuding it; can't he helped. !
ought to have been home last Saturday
and should have been--but stopped to
buy pair of boots and am deuce1 sor-
ry now, that l didn't get them size lar.
ger, for Tommy will be big boy before
! get home, at this rate"
1t was in the midst of the coolest spell
of last winter, when the boatmen of Gin
cinnatti had nothing to do but to try to
keep warm over the FIRE in the groggeries
to which they did most resort, when a
party were hugging the stove in store
near the Spencer House. In addition to
bad liquor, the storeman kept lamp-oil.
and other truck of the sort, and was
drawing it into halfgallon measure, as
Suffering Ben" who was toasting his
shins, and observing that the oil-merchant
did not m,re than half fill the MEASURE.
called out to him Jim. can t-t-ell you
how t-t-to sell t-t-twice as much oil as you
do now" We'll. how!" growled Jim.
EFF fill your MN measure !"
KILL OR CuRE.-When old Bogus's
wife fell IL. he sent for doctor as sordld
and avaricious as himself Before the
doctor saw the patient, he wished to have
an understanding with the miserly hus-
band.
Heres forty dollars" said Bogus,
"and you shall have it whether you cure
my wife or kill her"
The woman died, and the doctor called
for the fee.
"Did you kill my wife 7" asked Bogus.
Certainly moi J" replied the indignant
doctor.
Well, you didn't cure herr"
You know she is dead"
every well, then, leave the house in a
double quick tilne," said Bogus. "a
bargains bargain. 1t was kill or cure.
but you did neither"
The human body and mind may be
viewed as large assemblage # organs
and faculties, possessing native energy
and extensive spheres of action, each ca
pable of being used or abused, according
as it is directed The extent of range
of these powers is a prime element in