Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-01-29

IN hour the process concludes by wiplne
yourself dry with towels and scrubbing your
person with Heshbrush.
"Why," said the General, after few
minutes reflection upon what he had just
heard, 'this seems to lie to be neither more
nor less than washing yourself".
| "Well," reioined the Judge, "it is open
to that objection
\ DlsTINcrIoN.-Many years ago when
new sccts in New England began to break
the good old congregational barriers, and
make incursions into the sheepfolds of the
regular clergy, reverend divine, whom
we'll knew-a man at once Of Infinite eccen'
tricity, good sense, and good humor-en,
, countered one of these irregular practition'
ers at the house of one of his flock. They
had pretty hot discussion on their points
Of difference, and at length the interloper,
fading more than his match at polemics
wound up by saying:
NNvcll, doctor, you'll at least allow that it
was commanded to preach the gospel to eve
ry critter."
"True," rejoined the doctor, "true enough,
But then | never did hear it was command
ed to every 'critter' to preach the gospel"
KILL OR CuRE.-When old Bogus's wife
fell i'll, he sent for doctor as sordid and
ayaricious as himself Before the doctor
saw the patient, he wished to have an under
standing with the miserly husband.
Heres forty dollars said Bogus, ;and
you shall have it whether you cure my wife
or kill her.
The woman died. and the doctor called
for the fee.
did you kill my wife ? asked Bogus.
sCerainly not. replied the indignant doc
tor
Well, you didn't cure her.
'You know shes dead
Nery we'll, then, leave the house in double
quick time said Bogus. "A bargains a
bargain. 1t was kill or cure, aud You did
neither. ."-k.ctat.ic -l"ec}ots.
CATEGoRIcAL.-'My son, how many spe-
cies Of cats are there =
Five
Il thought, Gussy, there We're only Two
the domestic and wild cat
Il tell you there is Eve. Don't you sup
pose knows, old LADY,
Il dare say but be little more respect
lul, and name them
We'll, there's wild cats and tame cats
but that makes only two.
'Jest you wait old lady, till get through,
won't yer? Amt there catfish and cat.a.
line and cat.a.wampus ?
sAnd you may add another specie to your
list said the mother Of this hopeful, 'when
your father returns look out for cat.o-nine
tails.
LEARNED IGNoRANCE.-When the COM
mittee Of the French Academy were employ,
ed in preparing the wellknown Academy
Dictionary, Cuvier, the celebrated naturalist,
came one day into the room where they were
holding session.
'Glad to see You, VI. Cuvitr,' said one Of
the forty, I'VE have just finished dcliution
which we think quite satisfactory, but upon
which We should like to have your opinion.
We have been defining the word Grub, and
have explained it thus :--'Crab, small red
fish, which walks backwards.
Perfect, gentlemen said Cuvier ; only,
if YOU will give me leave, will make one
small observation in natural history: the
crab is not Gsh-it is not red-and it does
not walk backwards With these excep-
tions, your definition is excellent
A9s- A grand jury ignored bill against 4
huge negro for stealing chickens, and before
discharging him from custody, the Judge
bale him stand up and be reprimanled, he
concluded as follows:
You may go now, John, but Shaking his
finger at him. let me warn you never to ap-
pear mere aSiln.
John with delight beaming from his big
white eyes, and with broad grin displaying
4 row of beautiful ivory, replied:
Il wouldn't bin dis time, Judge, only de
constable fotch me-
CRAMp.-'Slocum, how is it to day--can
you take that note up?'
I'm sorry to say | can't-never was SO
cramped in my life
by the way, you are always cramped, are
you not:
Il am sorry to say am, and yet there is
natural cause for it.
why is it?'
why, ~as ~ean"'o green oppies an"
ratcr-melonS.
Beg 4 railroad conductor having insulted
lady passenger, she said, Indignantly, that
the companyswhich owned that road should
not see another cent of her money.
+ sHow so:' said the conductor: :how can