The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1857-11-06
THE FASHIONABLE PREACHER.

The fashionable preacher is mortal al
ways adored by his congregation, the female
portion particularly. He is a mortal, but is
sometimes deemed an. unwinged immortal,
and eclipses the Divinity whom he breaches.
He prays resoundingly Ito the congregational
and his 'Ameur sounds like tap on a brass
drum. He is meek, Exceedingly so-in the
pupit-he lotes his hearers collectively, and
sometimes Individually; he hates sin and the
Devil professionally. DlscoutSes eloquently
on charity from mahogany pulpit but for
gets his charity Tor Those who differ with him.
Gives literally (his advice) in his resonant
sermons, but always has his purse in his
other pantaloons pocket when he meets a
mendcant.
Sends the gospel to Barlobooba Sha, and
sends the heathcn at home, TO the gutter.
Perfumes his sermons with sacred poetry,
and perfumes his white handkerchief with
eau de cologne. Speaks yearningly of that
other world, but would doubtless prefer stay
ing where he is better acquainted, Calls his
congregation the sheep of his flock, and
pulls wool over their eyes while he shears
them.
Studies attitudes as he studies his sermons,
and lifts his arms with inimitable grace to
beseech the divine grace Of Heaven Deiv-
ers from a three story pulpit, where he is
elevated far above his hearers. persuasive
harangues upon moral propriety. Acts as
though sin could be drawn from man, as that
beautiful rich Eve was taken from Adam, by
throwing him into gentle slumber; or, as
the dentist extracts tooth, by administering
chlorofottna discourses and most ethereal
sermons. OF morality he talks in the aggre-
gate, but never descends to particulars. II
one of his congregation, BY mortgagng his
property, swindles friend out of few thou
sand dollars, he never rebukes the man as the
prophet did David never mentions il a: all /;
that is a secular affair and belongs to the
World.
Prays 10 God not for wealth, which he
wants not, neither for poverty, which he can
not bear, but only for a competence, by
which he means a three story competence,
finished with brown stone, all the modern
conveniences and spacious basement.
Believes there IL no gate TO Heaven but
through his church, and calls other denoml.
nations 'sects.' Sends his brethren upward
upon 'aowery beds Of ease,' but whether or
not Peter let's them pass the peary portals,
we being poor miserable sinners, cannot
tell.
If he breaches at night, always arrives af-
ter the audience is seated and waiting some
times, if there is a crush, he has to rise mys-
teriously through trap door in the pulpit, as
many have seen Parson Beecher do; this al
ways produces fine effect--so theatrical and
striking. Before his entrance the gas is
turned down TO a moonlight m ellowness, and
a dim obscurity broods over the congregation;
the organ is silent
But the moment arrives; the popular
preacher enters the gas blooms into mag
nihceut btilIanrej the ladies' bend eagerly
forward and n murinurons expectancy perme-
ates the air silks rustic, and feathers and
fans wave; the organ peals grand volunta-
ry, and the minister, slowly mounting the
rich carpeted stairs, sinks into the siken pull
pic cusiiiuus and opens hymn book.
"ls it the worship of God or man 7" sadly
asks my friend Buralton, whom had accom-
panied 10 the exhibition. do not know,
cannot answer him, but think Of the poor
Publican who stood afar off and smote upon
his breast ard cried, "God be merciful to me
a sinner"