The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1857-10-30

''Why's like marriage ~ asked the maid
Whose trotb to me is plighted, 9 20 3''8
i blushed in sooth and hing my bead, s. 80
While she seemed quite delighted. sszaY
m ANSWER.
s'Come, answer me,'' continued she,
''And don't be long about il
You stupid fellow, can't you see, tlH a6@
We can't be tcsG without it.'' "a
The Boston Post is entitled TO tie credit - ,sa
following exquisite s'pome'' s.on Lake ontary;y
Green are thy waters, green as bottled grass. 5
Behold them stretched thar;
Fine rnossolongeS and Oswego bass flht
Is Chiefly ketehed thar. i,
"pGst Fi ine red l3lens thar tuck thar delights,
Now most of the inhabitants is whites
With nary red
A DIssATisFlED Man or WAR.-Jobn F;tz-
gerald enlisted on Saturday in the United
States Army, for the purpose of putting down
"them ere saints of Utah" On Monday after
noon Mr.. Fitzgerald appeared at The New York
police Office to enter complaint against the u
hited States for ''obiainng soldiers under false
pretences." Mr.. Fitzgerald was slightly ine-
briated.
''What Go you want ~
"a warrant ihiccup) 'gainst States Of Meri-
ky." rH-a ga4
"For Whatlp .r - ..a .-r
"False (hiccuP), false fences For sbtsan-
ing soldiers by false. 'tences (hiccup.) -. ~
an what respect ~
''Phey agreed TO give ine eight dollars .
month and first rate suit of clothes Ihiccunl
Gall that suit Of clothes Look al that coat
so short wasted in the back, it lifts Won off
the ground (hiccup.l Look at them pants fhic-
cup.1 So long wasted in the seat, might use
the slack (hiccup) for a back room 10 sleep
in.'' aaict aIla - r
Sand for that you want a warrant for false
pretences against the governmentln ~ --or.,
81 don't want nothing else (hiccup.) Pm
not to be done BY such pair OF trowssrs no
dav' -t 90 b ,l
The Justice refused to grant a warrant.
whereupon Mr.. Fitzgerald left the office p,o-
missing 70 write TO the President, and have aa-
mother pair of trowsers, or blood.'' The mo-
ment President Buchanan's letter is received.
We shall publish it, as matter Of course. 1aa n
------------------------ Ts----. -,. "a
I"You have testified, MIR. Dotty, that
IN your opinion my client is blackguatd."
II have" e7 7f71aess
"What reason have you, sir, for such an O.
pinion ~ a es'.lis.a.- 'sr-f.gra
:'Ihe comPanyhe keeps" N
Whose company, sir % -.-
.'Yours''
''Don't insult me, sir ~ ID"
''Are you ashamed of the character and con-
duct ofyour client % enrf sW
'.You blackguarG -+...-,
Your associations enable you to BE- good
judge ofthe article.''
''You may go, sir. May the court please
call the next witness 2" -1as - 60
AN OLD But Coop ONE-A Frenchman who
had deposited sum of money for safe keeping
with friend, hearing the latter was about to
fail, called upon the man and said, ssSaFe,I
wants my monte" ''Certainly, SIR" replied
the other, drawing out his check book. from
which he was about TO ill up check, when the
Frenchman said, ''stop. sare, vou got de monie?''
'.Why, Of course, )" said his friend, 81 will give
you check for it immediately "No, no.
said the Frenchman, ''if you got de nonie, / no
want him, but If you no got him den | wants
him." ''*
--- slQa2 9e H9e
Nor so BAD.-The Grorgia papers tell the fol-
lowing with characteristic unction:-A LADY,
formerly resident in Georgia, very much dis
contented with Mississippi life, and longing TO
return to her native land, was shouting at camp
meeting last year, and became so exceedingly
happy that she exclaimed GLORY 10 God, / feel
Ike I1caS ia Georgia ~. r,l ,,..,.tt .tt..-.,tye,
AT Dieppe, in France, famous bathing place,
there is police TO rescue persons from danger.
The following notice was recently issued to
them: "Fhe bathing police are requested, when
a lady is in danger of drowning, to seize her by
the dress, and not BY the hair, which oitentimes
remains in their grasp."77 # is,E ea
An TriShman remarked to his companion, on
observing lady pass, 'sPat, did you ever see so
thin u oman as that before ~ s'Thnm replied
the other ''botherashun / seen woman as
thin as two Of hprPut together, I have"
There is capital story told ofsome one who
prayed that the Lord would "bless the potato
crop, which seemed 10 lave been smitten in his
displrasurF, and regard with special smiles the
few planted in our back earden.' b f.4H.
A member of the Lazy Society was complain-
ed of for running. His defence wasthat he was
going down hill, and that il was more laborto
walk than run. Complaint dismissed with ex7
PenSes. .-,sf III
MAKING GHosr OF a TUNE.-Foote once
asked man without sense OF tune in him,
'Why are you forever hummiug that tune?"
''Becadse it haunts me" was The reply. "No
wonder" said Foote, ''yon are forever mutder-
ing it," 'afa4G EG7s
Business AND BuFFi.-Our musical critic saws
that 1t is great proof of Rossinis financial tact
that he made Figaro barber, as be doubtless
intended that character 10 shave tbe, notes ofthe
music. - 8I 543utss ass ,seW ft,sg
"a great cry and little wool-4aa Ethiopi-