The Kanzas news., 1857-08-29


" fit for those old-maid tabbies, the Muses.
His Pegasus is broken-windsd hack, with
a grammatical bride, and a monosyllabic
bit between his teethl'
When introduced to a fat little fellow,
Sheriff Wire, he cried, "WireI did you say?
u Why, you are more like the chunk-end of a
sthappy to see six-and-eight-p pence In any
/ Madame Vestris in company during the
run of Giovanni in London, told her sfthat
it was quite treat to see her scithosa her
6reechesi"
One evening, at friends house, he ask
led Mr.. Macready if it was true that he had
taken Drury Lane Theatre. Upon that
actors answering in the affirmative, and GO
ing on to state that he took it more for the
benefit of the dramatic art than in the expec-
tation of making any money himself, and
that it would afford him very great pleasure
to produce his plays, Jerrold broke out, ''Oh,
come, Mr.. Macready, none of your id
grim patronage for me, STRIP
Dining at Serjeant Talfourd's table one
day, the guests were amusing themselves by
propounding conundrums -Jerrold gave
this: ''Why is our worthy hosts face like
a druggists sign?" After several guesses
Jerrold gave his solution: because it is
generally red, and always Lit up after dark
Ian ill-natured allusion to the Serieant's
glowing countenance after few glasses of
wine. Some of Jerrold's retorts have, how
ever, poetical justice, which secured to
them the sympathy of the company. Once
at the Museum Club he administered, in the
sugared shape of pretended apology, gen
tie dose of physic to most arrogant and
conceited member, who had annoyed many
by his supercillious manners. Jerrold, one
day mistaking him for an acquaintance, to
whom he bore considerable resemblance,
patted him good d-temperedly on the shoulder,
saying, .'Well, my boy, how are you?'-
The dignity of this young sprig was so much
hurt that he complained to several of Mr..
Jerrold's unauthorized familiarity. This
getting to the Savage authors ears, the
next time he met the offended dignity, he
apologised in the following terms: s.I have
to ask your pardon, Mr.. Jones, for my ia
miliarity the other day. l am somewhat
near-sighted, and at the moment mistook
you for my friend Brown, but nearer in
spection convinces me that you are devil
ish deal uglier than he. sincerely ask
both your pardons for my mistake"
A young author, somewhat conceited on
account of having persuaded one of those
generous-hearted nondescripts, called pub
fishers, to issue religious work of his enti
tied "Schism and Repentance" wrote to
Jerrold, begging him to subscribe for a copy.
The 'gentle Jerrold" wrote back that he
| might put him down for Schisns by all
means, but he would advise him to keep
! Repentance for his publishers and readersl
1t was really Jerrold, and not Sidney
Smith, who, when told by the Rev. Mr..
Hervey, rector of Hornsey, 'that the real
evil of modern times was the surplus popu
lation," Z" replied, '1 agree with you that the
real evil of our times does spring from the
surpliee population!''
| Mr.. Hervey, although very prayerful
and pious man, was excessively proud, and
| a great admirer of the new poor law, which
Jerrold and the Humanitarians bitterly op-
posed.
The faculty in which Jerrold peculiarly
excelled, was combination of terse thought
fulness and the most brilliant and trenchant
wit. Of true humor he had little. Even
his puns have deeper significance than the
mere word-jingle which first tickles the fam
cy of the listener. Thus his definition
'Dogmatism; dogmatism! Why, bless you,
dogmatism is puppyism come to its full
growth!'' has meaning deep and philosoph
ical enough for an essay.
His definition of religion was equally
good: ''Religion is an insurance against fire
in the next world-whereto honesty is the
best policE."
The exquisite confusion of the tipsy gen
tleman, who, after scraping for half an hour
at the door with his latch-key, leans back
and exclaims: "By Jove! some scoundrel
has stolen-stolen the keyhole!" is some
| thing in Jerrold's best vein.
Said an individual to him one evening in
the green-room: '.I believe you know a very
particular friend of mine, Mrs. -?"-
This Mrs. - being lady more remarka-
bic for beauty and talents than for some
more womanly qualities.
/ "I have met with an actress of that name,
said Jerrold coolly; 'but she cannot be the
very particular friend you allude to-
"Pardon me, it is the same person"
| pardon me, the lady I speak of is not
very particular