Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1857-08-12
HOW sUT> LOvENGOOD EXPLODED.
HIS Experience with Soda Powders.

JOu 'ef see Sicily Burns Her dad lives at
M tne Katil Snaik Springs, nigh to the Georgy
lie Yes, very handsome girl. Hand
some. . that wurd don't kiver the case; it sounds
like callin' good whiskey water when We ar at
big Spring and the still house ten miles of, an
hit rainIn, an yer flask only half full She
shows amung wimen like a sunfower as CON-
pared tn dog fennil an smart weed an jimsin.
5ut thar amt tryin to describe her.
Couldn't crawl thru whiskey barrel with both
beads stove out, if it wur hilt study fur her, an
good foot holt at that. She weighs just two
hundred an twenty-six pounds, an stands six
teen hands high. She never got in an arm
cheer in her life an you can lock the top hoop
OF churn ur big dog collar round her waist.
I've seed her jump over the top of q split bot
tom cheer an never show her snkils or kech her
dress onto it. She kerried devil enuf about
her to ill four boss waggin bed with a skin
as white as the inside ov frogstOOl, cheeks an
lips as red as pearche glls in dogwOOd bios
som time; an sich q smile Oh be drafted ef
1t Is eny use tslkin. That gal cud make me
murder old Bishop Soul hisself, or kill nam not
to speak of dad, ef she jst hinted that she
wanted sich thing dun.
Well, to tell it all at onst, she war gal all
over, frum the pint ov her toe nails tn the long
est har on the hiest knob her hed-gal all the
time, everywhere-an that Ov the eXcitiniSt
kind. OV course / leaned up tn her as close as
i dar tn. an in spite Ov long legs appetite fur
whlskey, my shurt scrape, and dad 8 actin hoSs
she sOrter leaned tn me, an / was beginnin to
think wur iist the greatest comfortablist
man on yearth, not exceptin Ole Buck, or Brig
ham Young with all his radil-cullered, wrinkled
wlmmcn, cradels full of babies, an his Big Salt
Lake thrown in. Well, wun day a cuSsed, de-
ceivin palaverin, stinkin Yankee pedlar all
Jack nife an jaw, cum tu ole man Burnses with
u load Oy apple parins, callicker, ribbins, jews
harps an s-O-d-y powders. Now, mind I'd
never bern tell oy that truck afore, an be
burned eft don't want it to be the last-wus
nor rife pOwder-wus nor perkussion-three
times as smart, an hurts wus-heap wus. Durn
him Durn all Yankee pedlars, an durn thar
prnelplls an practisis, / say. l wish lad all
the sody powder they ever made in his eussed
paunch an slow match fixed tn him, and had
schunk ov ire-the feller what found peace
OF him big enuf to feed a cockroach ought to be
hing Ov the Sultun's harem for a thousand
years for his luck They aint humun no how
The mint at Filadelfy is thar Heaven, they
think that God eats haf dimes fur breakfast.
haShes the leavlnS fur dinner, and swallers
cent an dried april fur supper, sets on a
stampin machine fur a throne, sleaps on q crib
full OF haf dollars, and measures men like
money by count. Thar haint one ov EN- got a
soal but what kud dance jig in a kabbage
seed an leave room fur the fiddler.
Well, Sicily she bought a tin box ov the sody
from him, an hid it away frum her folks a
saVIn 1t tor me. happen tn pass next day, oy
cours stopped 10 enjoy look at the tempter
an she wur mighty lOvin tn me, put wun arm
round my neck, an tother wun whar the circin-
gle goes roun a hoSs, tux the inturn on me
with her left foot, an gin me kiss. Says She
Sutty, love, I've got sOmethin fur We, new
sensashun'-an L believed in it, fur begun tu
feel II a ready. Ny toes felt like little minners
wur niblin at em-a cold streak run up an
down my back like lizzard with turkey hen
srter him In settin tme-my heart felt hot an
onsatished like, an then I'd cut ole Souls
throat eff she d hinted at needsisity fur sich an
foPernshun- Then she poured ten or twelve
blue papers Oy the sOdy inter big tumbler an
about the same number ov white wuns inter
luther tumbler, an put nj onto pint ov water
on both ov EN-, an stirred EN- both up with a
ease knife, lookin as solemn as n ole jackas in
snow storm when the folders all gin out
she hilt wan while she told me to drink luther
sWallerd 1t at wun run-tasted salty like l
thot 1t wur part Of the scnsashun. But wur
0E the eussed infurnal sensa-
shun Eqr tn cum, an it wurn't long at it. hoss,
you d believe me. Then she gin me luther
tumbler an sent it arter the fust rase hoss
tashun In about wun moment an haf 1 thot
Id ssallered thrashin machine in full blast
ar eupple oy bull dogs, an they had sot inter
htin. L seed that L wur cotched agn-same
family desperation TO make cussed fools Ov
themselves every ehance-sO [ broke fur nv
boss. stole look back an thar Sicily lay ON
her back In the porch, sereemn with laffn,
her heels up In the air, kickin Oy EN- together
like she wur a tryin tn kick her slippers off
But had no time tn look then, and thar wur a
road ov foam frum the hous tn the hoss two foot
vide an four inches deep-lOOked like it had
been snoUin-poppn, an a hissen an a bilin
Ike tub ov hot soap suds he'd gethered
cherry tree limb As | run, an Lit asstradde oy
my boss, a whippin al kickin like mad. This,
with the scarey noises / made, fur / war a
Whlsln an hisSin an a sputterin outer mouth,
nose an eyes like steam engine) sot him a
rearin an caEortin like he was skeered out oy
his senses. Well he went. The foam rolled
an the ole black hoss few. He jist mizzed-
scared nj tn death, an 50 wur l. So We agreed
ON the Pint ov greatest distance in the smallest
tlme. aimed fur Doctur Goodman's at the
HlWassee Copper Mines, tn get somethin tn
stop the explOshon in my inards | met a sar-
cult rlder on his travels towards afried chicken
an hat full ov ball biskits. As cum tarin
along be hilt up his hands like he wanted tu
pray Tor me, but as preferred phisic tn prayer
In my Pecooliar Situwashun at that time, L jist
rolled along. He tuck skeOr as cum nj ontu
him his faith gin out, an he lodged hoss, sad
Oil bags an overeoat, inter a thicket list like
yon We seed turkil take water ofen log when
tarin big steamboat Gums along As he
passed ole man Burns, Sicily hailed him, an
a1ea MN II ne d met eny body in a hurry gwine
up tne road. The poor man thought perhaps
ne did an perhaps he didn't, but he'd seen a
site, NV spook, Nv ghost, Nv ole Beelzebub
himself, ur the kOmit- he didn't adzactly know
wnich, pnt takln all things tugether an the
snort time he'd fur preparshun, he thought he
met crazy, long-legged shakin Quaker,
neein from the wrath tu cum. ON q black an
white spotted boss, whippin oy him with big
brush, an he he'd a white beard what cum fru1,
nj unto his eyes TO the pummil oy the saddiI,
an tnen Iorked an went tn his knees an then
sumumes drapped In bunches as big as q crows
nest tn the ground, an hearn a sound like
rusnln oy NIFTY waters, an be wur nightly ex-
ercised about 1t eny how. Well, I guess he
wur, an 30 wur his fat hoss, an wur ole bleckey,
wusteIersized ov all Oy EN- vur I, myself Now
George, all this beard spots on the boss AN
steam, an hre, an snow, an wire tails Ia ouIda-
eOus humbug. 1t all cum outen NV insrde
without eny yomitin ur efurt an ef il badn: :
I'D busted inter more pieces than thar is al iqs
in big cat fish. The LOvengoods ar all con.
fornded fools, an dad aint the wust ov en-
THE CAUSES OF SUDDEN DEATH.
great many persons have a serious dread O!