Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1857-05-16
How Ben Purtle got his wife.

ltS next nelghbor. Ills lace was 1reckled as
the most bespotted turkey egg. His nose
supported at the bridge huge bump, while
the end turned viciously to one side. His
mouth had every shape but pretty shape
His form was uncouth, as his face was ugly.
He was stoop-shouldered, knock. .kneed, flat
footed, and --- we'll, he was ugly. The
very climax of uglness was Ben Purtle-
what was more strange still Ben had a hand
some, bouncing, blooming wife-such as can
only be grown upon q country farm.
"How the deuce" said to Ben one day,
"did you ever get such wife, you uncoutb,
misshappen quintescense Of montrosity."
"Well, now gals what's sensible amt cotch-
ed by none of your purity faces and hifalutin'
airs. I've seen that tried more an once.-
You know Kate was ollars considered the
purtiest gal in these parts, and all the fellers
In the neighborhood used to try to cotch her.
Well, used to go over to old Sammy's too,
jist to kinder look on. you know, and cast
sheep eyes at Kate. But Lord sakes had
no more thought l could get Kate than that
Jerusalem cricket could hide in the hair
that wasn't on old Sammy's bald head-no
Stree. But still, l couldn't help goin; an
my heart would kinder fiutter, an my eyes
would burn all over, whenever got chance
to talk to Kate. And one day when Kate
ooiI mdue luu "! lihe, IL hiDOsJ hHleu me
sure. l went home with somethin' like rock
jostlin' about in my breast an swore I'd
hang myself with the first plow line I'd find"
did you hang yourself?' | asked. mo,
daddy blazed out at me for not takin' old Ball
to the pastur in the mornin and scared me so
bad, forgot it,"
"Go on, said ], seeing Ben pause with ap-
parent regret, that he had not executed his
vow.
well, soon one Sunday mornin Il reckon
it was about year after that hangin' scrape,)
got up an my face scraped with daddy's
old razor, and put on my new copp'rus breech-
es, an new linsey coat that nanny had
dyed with sassafrac bark, an' other fxens, and
went over to Uncle Sammy's. Now, I'd got
to lovin' Kate like all creation, but Id never
cheaped to any body about my ieelins But
| knewed was on the right side of the ole
folks"
well, now, amt 1t quar-" continued Ben,
after slight pause, during which he rolled
his quld to more convenient place in his
mouth, chow a feller will feel sometimes
Somethn' seemed to say as l went along,
Ben Purtle, this is great day for you,' an
then, my heart jumped and futted like a live
jay bird in trap. An when l got thar, an
seed Kate with her new checked homespun
IoSh vi, j Eeuliy 1 ldht lue
blind staggers anyhow"
Ben paused again to brush the fog from bis
eyes, and then continued, well, l found the
order Of the day was to go muscadine hunting.
80 Sharp an his two sisters. and Jim Boles
war thar. I'd knowed long time that 10
Sharp was right after Kate, an hated him
wus than hungry hog hates to find the way
out of q tater patch, but | didn't let on
Sharp had ON white breeches an fine shoes,
q broadcloth coat, but every body knewed he
wasn't wuth n cent lie walked with Kate,
and you ought 10 u seen the airs he put on.
1t was Miss Katy this, and Miss Katy that,
an all such quality nonsense. After while
we come to slough, whar We had to cross
on u log. I'D a great notion to pitch the sas-
sy goodIornuthin' into the water"
why didn't you," l asked, sympathizing
with the narrator.
stop, never mind" said Ben, giving me
nudge. Providence done that all up brown.
Nothin' would do, but Mr.. Sharp must lead
Miss Katy across first. lie jumped on the
log in high glee, an took kate's hand, an off
they put. Jist as they got about half way
across, a tarnation big bullfrog jumped of
into the water-you know how they holler.
Snakes y screamed the blasted fool, an
jumped back, an' knocked Kate off up to her
waist in the nasty, black, muddy water. An
what dye think he done? why he run back
erds and iorerds hollerin' for a pole to help
Kate out O. the water. Kate looked at me,
an couldn't stand it no longer. kerchug !.
lit ten feet from the bank at the first jump,
and had Kate out o thar in no time. And
dye think the scamp didn't come up after
we'd gos out, and say, Are you hurt, Miss
katyr"
My dander was up. ] couldn't stand it.
Icotched him by the seat OF his white britches
an his coat collar, an gin him toss. May
be he didn't go clean under, when he hit the
water. didn't see him out. Me an Kate
put out to the house. When we started of,
Kate said Ben, jist let ME hold on to your
arm, my knees feel sorter weak Great jemi-
ny ] felt SO quar- when she tuck hold. |
tried to say somethn' nice, but my drotted
mouth wouldn't go off no how. But felt as
strong as an elephant, and helped X ate along
Bimeby, Kate said, Ben, that 10 Sharp's a
goodiornuthin' sneakin' rowardly body, an
ef ever he puts his head inside our house agin,
I'll baptize him with dish water, sure.' tried
to say somethin' agn, but cuss the luck,
couldn't say nothin but squeeze kate's hand
aud silhe like cranky bellus."
"We'd got clean out O. sight Of the Others,
aud Kate says, Ben, feel you're my purtec-
tur, an l believe daddyS rlehl when he says
you're wuth all the rest O. the boys in the
neighborhood.' Ben Purtle, says ], this is
great day for you,' and l made a tremen-
dous effort to git my mouth of again, an out
it popped sure enough. Kate says |, trem-
lin ull over, l love you to distracshun, an no
mistake. I've loved you long an hard. My
hearts been almost broke for two years, an
now want you to say right straight up an
down, whether you're gwine TO have me or
not Kate hung down, and didn't say nothin,
but felt encouraged, for she kind O sithed
Says |, Kate ef you're gwiue to have me,
say so, and ef you don't like to say so, jst
squeeze my hand Aud she squeezed it right
| of. Iordy, Nd feel. i felt jist like a
stree rrac tea sWeetened with
= through my bones
= inm my arms, and kissed
she never tried the
9TH this narration
for breath was
= hat said /,
nd so was