Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1857-12-04
THE WAY TO COLLECT A BILL.

lhE WAY ~ COLLECI a BILL.
Old Squire Tobin was slow walker, but
slower pay.
| Blessed with abundant means, he was, Of
course, considered ultimately good for every
| little debt he contracted, but he had contract
ed habit Of holding on to his money until
forced, by some extra opportunity, to fork
over.
There goes old Squire, said Brown, the
merchant "I've had bill Of five dollars and
| fifty cents against him for eighteen months.
and if have asked him once for it have
asked him twenty times, but he has either not
/ got it with him. or, if not in most excellent
/ good humor, he will swear like a trooper at
my impudence in dunning him at unreasonable
/ times"
Now there was one Joe Harkins. wag-
gish sort of fellow, who heard the complaint
of merchant Brown, and resolved upon some
/ fun.
"Come, now, Brown said Joe Harkins,
"what viii you bet that can't get the money
from the old Squire before he gets home r.
"a new hat" said Brown.
Enough said, said joe
While Brown was hunting the bill Joe dis
guiscd himself in striped blanket and slouch-
ed hat. Thus equipped, Joe Harkns, with
the bin in his hand, took after the Squire.
Hello there, sir, is your name Squire To-
bin;"
yes. answered the Squire, with a snarl,
"what is that to you;"
81 have a little BILL sir--collecting for mer-
chant Brown, sir
| Merchant Brown can 90 to thunder, sir.
said the Squire, 81 have no money for him
/ you must call again"
Joe bowed politely, slipped down the alley
Just in time to head the old man at the next
corner.
"Oh, sir" said Joe, stopping suddenly. "is
/ your name Tobin;"
"Tobiu. sir, is my name
Here is little bill, sir, from merchant
| Brown
"zounds sir, replied Squire Tobiu, Didn'.
/ ] meet YOU just round tho corner r.
Mo { INC ?" replied Harldus, guess it was
/ C-. another of Browns collectors
"Thcn suppose merchant Brown has two
red striped collectors dogging my steps l
wont pay it, sir, to-day-begono
Tho old Squire, as he said this, brought
down his stick hard upon the pavement and
toddled on.
joe nothing dauntod, took advantage Of
another alley, and 10y rapid movement in a
] itN MINUTES pldCcu uilhatli oltt nlpiN III ii UNI
of the Squire.
The old mans bile was making him muttcr
and grow as he walked along, aud now and
then giving point to his anger by very en-
/ phatic knocks Of his cane on the sidewalk.
When within about twenty feet Of each
other the old Squire espicd his friend once
more in front. Squire Tobin stopped-and
raising his cane, exclaimed:
=, g. Il 4
mean n;'
checked up within a safe distance, and re-
| pliod
Mean, sir; You surprise me, sir l don't
know you, sir"
"Aint you merchant Browns collector,
that dunned me not more than five minutes
ago;'
NE sir = replied Joe. u an one Of rner-
chant Browns collectors, to be sure but |
don't know you, sir"
My name is Tobin, sir, replied the irri-
tated Squire, "and you look mighty sight
like the fellow that stopped me twice before -
"lmpossible, sir, replied Joe, lit must
/ have been some other of merchant Browns
| collectors. You see, sir, there are forty of
us all wrapped in red striped blaukets-and
/ by the hy, Mr. Tobin, | think | have a small
| bill against you.
"Forty red striped collectors, and each one
after me- calculated the Squire. Darn me-,
/ 1 must put stop to this they will all over
take me before | get home Saying which,
| he took ont his wallet and qniety settled
merchant Browns bill of five dollars and fifty
cents.
Joe thanked the Squire, and moved Off
/ but as the Squire had another square to travel
before reaching home, Joe could not resist
! the inclination to head him of once more.
Joe accordingly made another circuit, and
came in collision with the angry old man ere
/ he was noticed.
"Zounds! zounds stranger vociforatod
the Squire. "What -" Here he caught
sight of the red striped blanket, as Joe, dis
engaging himself from the old man, took to
his heels.
Squire Tobin's cudgel was fercely hurled
after Joe, accompanied with hearty curse
upon merchant Brown and his forty collect
ors in as many rcd striped blankets
1t is unnecessary to say that Joe liarkins
was seen next day topped off with bran new
hat.