The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-12-19

whsn bpsuy NJ e = 81 Ssrt. "-(SAE.
Abort ten milN dislant, = Nesthesly
dirsctiea -evsn beyond the sesred psscincts
of renowned Ellisdale snow spreading ont
upon ~ ssbotton" Of ths ssllad MIssouri.''
now nesting among the rugged bluffs, re-
poses in quiet seclusion, a suburban town.,
in its pristine juvenescsncs, J'cispt Crescent
City. Howbeit, among other indispensable
requisites, for . Western metropolis, this
town contains : printing Office, from whence
is issued little sheet, bright ss mud fence,
and facetiously dubbed the Oracle. Over
the columns Of this obscure and ambiguous
sheet, doth diligently preside one jog JoHs-
SON, the person Of all others, most fitted BY
education and natural abilities, to pro-
claim to benighted hsathens ssthe ray-ths
truth-Me light" OF course, Jor is an
Oracle, and therefore, We suppose we must
accord him all the attributes. That he is o
person reputed uncomnonly wise, whose
determinations are not disputed, or whose
opinions are Of great authority, none who
have tho honor to be numbered among his
acquaintance, would tor moment dispute.
That he is grave, venerable, positive. au-
thorita.ive and mngisterial, does not admit
Of question. He Is the deity who gives,
Or is supposed to give, answers to inquiries,
respecting affairs Of importance, usually re-
specting some future event; hence he is de-
nominated, by the pagans Of the town afore-
said. in accordance with we'll established
precedent, the Crescent City Oracle, as
contra distinguished from the Delphic Ora
Gle. Again, among Christians, orGcles in
the plural, denotes the communications, reye-
lations, or messages, delivered by COP to
prophets. In this latter category it is gen.
orally understood that JOE stands especially
re-eminent-being firm believer in latter
day prophecies, and in small way pattern
ing after some Of the ancient prophets,
having in view the divine injunction to ssmul-
tiply and replenish the EARTH" 1a#'
JOE is a genius Of no mean order. He has
very comprehensive mind, as is fully pro-
ven by the columns of his oracular paper.
When he has anything TO say, he says it in
the most abbreviated style of voluminous
prolixity, and when he brings his ideas to a
focus upon my tvpio, presents it to you in
all its lovely and magnificent grandeur. l1o
has great control over Noah's Unabridged,
and when we read his oraculous articles, our
mind becomes confused with the circumvo-
lutionary ideas of our past insigniicance
and punity, and JoE's coming greatness,
consequence, power, and excelling WORTH
When JOE undertakes the calculation Of a
subject, everything in the universe, from
microscopic atoms to system of worlds is
brought to bear upon it, with force that
beggars description. ALEXANDER PoPE must
hare had JOE in ''his minds eye" when
no wrote: - "1e ... ".a
"Go mighty monarch, mount where science guides,
Go measure earth weigh air, and state the tides,
Instruct the planets in what orbs to run, =, F., 2
Correct old Time, and regulate the sun,
Go teach eternal Wisdom how to rule -. .-
Then drop into thyse!f and be a fool" e.r., gag
But JOE, not satisfied with the laurels al
ready won with his magic wand-not con-
tent with the enjoyment of basking in the
rays of the sun of Fame, now shining so
warmly upon him-not satisfied with telling
all the world and the "rest of mankind -
that he was going to Congress-took it up |
on himself last week, to annihilate us, not
leaving as much as grease spot. He has
placed a new Eastwood chip on his should
er, and dared US to mortal combat-with
pens for weapons-the field, Webster's Die
tionary-Seconds, etymology end syntax.-l
Having but limited knowledge Of the field
designated, and not even a speaking ac-
quaintance with either of the seconds, We re-
specially decline acceding to his request.
Although we decline needing this famou,
Knight of the Quill, on tho field Of letters,
or bellies lettres, we hope his fame (even
though in measure it may be posthumous,
like unto that of all mundane merit, may
shine with the lucidity of those countless
gems of beauty, in the golden galaxy, heav-
ems asteroidal wreath, and be as enduring as
forever. Without any wish to prove that
JOE is very circumlocutionary and prolific
in the conveyance of those tabled entities,
known as ideas, with which he has very
limited acquaintance, we shall venture to
say word in our own behalf, even though
we thereby endanger our claims to srudi-
tionary advancement, as conceded by the
Oracle of Crescent City. " |
JOE makes general charge against us Of
"erring, not only in etymology, but in the
dire decree and stern laws of synta1, y to all
of which, we plead guilty. Not satisfied
with amere statement Of the fact, JOE en-
larges upon his discovery, and treats us to
a column and better, Of rambling and ejacu-
latory remarks, and Mt the close, cries
"Eureka! Eureka!'' This last, was the cum
kindest cut of all''-like Mercutio's wound,
s'not so wide as a church door, nor so deep
as well, it ariN do''-and we may we'll ex-
claim in the memorable words Of MARTIN
VAN buren,, sour suferings is moderately
Had JOE been content to rest his case upon
a general charge of violating the laws of
etymology and syntax, We should have had
nothing to urge in extenuation. But, when,
as at the close, he makes specific charge, |
then We have something upon which to hang
rebutting evidence-something which We
can meet, even though in the contest, those
boots Of this veritable Bombastes should be
displaced. Let US approach this subject q !
little closer, carefully, lest we commit an
egregious taur pas. JOE says, that while
We were at Omaha City, he was i
Nearly parayzsd with ovcrhowine visibility at an
original display of Biliy's Webstsr which was indeed
luminous and original. Our literary hero announced
that the editor himself would be at home and
tend to the condsetion Of his own paper"
JOE, we thank you for this opportunity of
enlightening you little. We do not deny
having made use Of the word "conduction,'
in a manner approximating the version
given above. We will not try to dodge be-
hind u "short-sighted compositor," nor yet
behind tho tail of the pillow, nor tho "reap-
ing hook, nor acknowledge that we did not