The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-10-10
GysWhy is poetry like new tangled pat
ent inkstand? Because one can make but a
very little inE Come ont Of Il

VII WCNueu lnSeCk, Jew.
GVsWhy is poetry like new tangled pat
enf inkstand? Because one can make but
very little ink come out Of it,
~The Washington Star says that peo-
pie run great risks in eating crabs ut this
season of the year. Nobody thinks of the
risk the crabs run.
Why is long winded speaker, who
rises to address an assembly, like q very
healthy man Of good habits! Because he is
Likely to di-iate.
ca An Illinois paper says there is o man
IN olney so dirty that the assessors put him
down as real estate
ey What is the best to keep old maids
from dlspairing? Pairing.
GTA down east editor advises readers.
1t they want to get teeth inserted gratis, to
60 and steal apples where his Watchdog is
on guard.
The young lady who caught gentle
mans eye, has returned it, because it had a
wee drop in it,
evWhen is ship like an apprentice?
When she is bound out.
vBucther.-sThcre,s sir; is fine ham!
1curcd it MYSELF Customer.-sCured it
yourself! why, what was the matter with it?'
GTWhy is mushroom like dandy?
Because it is rapid in its growth, slim in its
trunk, and thick in its head.
cy'Children receive thei, first impress.
sions from their mothers.' No doubt Of it:
we have seen them given with birch rods
and the fiat Of the hand, in way that was
caution to goosberry vines.
eyA doctor up town gave the following
prescription for sick lady few days since.
"A new bonnet, cashmere shawl, and q
PAIR OF gaitcr boots. The lady recovered
Immediately.
u Quaint old Fuller says: Lct him
who expects one class Of society to prosper
IN the highest degree, while the other is in
dlstress, try whether one side of his face
can smile while the other is pinched.'
CT A gentleman Of our acquaintance
expresses the wish that some charitable per-
son would send him a stock of old boots to
continue his practice on the rats under his
windows at nights; his stock has been funs
and the conventions are larger than ever
and the yelling on a higher key.
GY How ever the Mexicans effect any
thing is one Of the puzzles we never coulG
unravcl. A friend of ours at Jalapa says
he has frequently seen four men and dozer
boys labor for half a day in getting a call
out of barnyard.
Cupid near a cradle creeping
Saw an infant gently sleeping:
The rose that bluShed upon its cheek,
Seemed birth divine to speak.
To ascertain il earth or heaven
To nortals this fair form had given,
lie the little urchin simple,
Touehedts cheek and left dmpe.
ET Rufus ChOate is sssome' on rhetoric.
lie is said to have once described the boun-
Diary line between Rhode Island and Massa-
chusetts in this language: "Why," said he
it is like starting at a bush, from thence to
blue jay, from thence to hive of bees in
swnrming time, from thence to three hun
bred foxes with e-brands on their tails
ET The meanest man in the world lives
in West Troy. In helping him out of the
river once, a man tore the collar of his
coat. The next day he sued him for assault
and battery.
Ey A boy Mt recent examination in an
English school was asked who discovered
America. 81 wish may de-" saws Bril-
fish editor, s'if he didn't answer, ':Yankee
Doodle"
cy A Detroit (Alichigan) paper says,
that woman was ARRESTED recently in that
city, "with nothing ON her person but a
love letter and daguerreotypc." This is
equal to the celebrated summer dress in
Georgia-''a shirt collar and pair OF
spurs"
CO An Ohio politician was Boosting in
apublic speech, that he could bring an ar.
gument to a pint as quick as any other man
"You can bring quart to pint good
deal quicker" replied Kentucky editor.
CO The effect of intemperance over
night is thus described by Alexander Smith
Ioften sat
At those wild drinking bouts, which seemed divine
In a great dash of wi,-and rose nert morn,
Loud as a cotton nsilH!"
"Father," said cobler's lad, peg
cling away at an old shoe, ssthey say that
trout bite good now" "Well, WE'LL" re-
piled the old gentleman, s'you stick to your
work and they won't bite YOU"
ev Pleasure is never solid enough to
bear analysis. 1t should be passed lightly
over, as bogs are, never letting the feet
remain moment in the same place. So
thought Fontenclle, and the remark applies
with equal force to three things-soda
drinking, coquetting with the girls, and
dancing.
CO A witness in Hoosicr court being
asked how he knew that two certain persons
were man and wife, replied, swhy, dog on
it, Eve heard 'em scolding each other more'n
fifty times" The evidence was held as
conclusive. ass-# ~5s-.
CO When Doctor II. and lawyer A were
walking arm in arm. a wag said to his friend
"Thesc two are equal to one highwayman.' .
"Why 20 was the response. ssBecause,' .
rejoined the wag, sst is a lawyer and doc
tor-your money or your life.
CO God has written on the flowers that
sweeten the air-upon the breeze that rocks
the fowers-upon the rain drops that refresh
the spring Of moss that lifts it head in the
descrt-upon its deep chambers-upon every
pencilled sheet that sleeps in the cavern Of
the deep, no less than upon the mighty sun
fhaf wnro,s opd oh vr;lI;oos -