The River Falls journal. (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1857-1861, 1857-12-02

"FATHER, have guns got lcgsl" "No."
"How do they kick then9" 'W;th their
breeches, my son."

"FATHER, have guns got legs z" "No."
"How do they kick thenG" ''W;th their
breeches, my son."
HUMAN affections are the leayes-the
foliage of our being. They catch every
breath, and in the burden and heat of the
day make music and motion in sultry
world. Stripped Of that foliage, how I'M
slightly is human nature.
Il AM real working man. said
loafer in our streets. ''Well [ should
think" retorted a gentlemrn, ''that fell
low with so much beer in him must nee
essarily bs s0orking.
''YoU want fogging, that's what you
no." said a father to his disobedient son.
II know it dad," replied the boy, shut
I'll try and get along without it.
"JoE, what makes your nose so red?"
"Friendship."
Friendship! How do you make that
OUT"
81 have got friend who is very fond
of brandy, and as he is too weak to take
it strong [ am his taster"
THE meanest thing in the world is sup
posed to be stealing acorns from blind
nog.
A YOUNG man engaged in teaching
mutes was explaining by signs the use
and meaning of the particle ''dis," and
requested one of them to write q sentence
on the blackboard showing her knowl-
edge Of the sense of the prefix. A bright
little one Immediately stepped forward
and wrote the following: ''Boys love to
play, but girls to display"
A YANKEE who had Just come from
Florence, being asked how he admired
the statue of Venus, replied; "Well, to
tell the truth, I don't care much about
those stone gals zs..
THE ne Plus ultra ofludicrous epitaphs
is on gravestone in Oxford n. H., and
is as follows;
To all my friends now bid adieu,
A more sudden death you never knew
as was leading the old mare to drink,
She kicked aud killed me quicker n 4 wink.
THE man who was 'filled with emo
ton" mad mt room for his dinner.
AN English barber advertises to shave
anything-even 'the face of nature"
SOMEONE says of certain conerega-
CATION, that they pray on Their knees Sun
days and on their neighbors the rest of
the week.
WHAr IS the difference lctweon hay
ing an exact copy of anything, and hav-
ing an ailing wife and I'll the family
down with the measles? @; = is q fac
sirnilc and the other is sick i;tnlily.
a JUDGE in Indiana threatened to fine
n lawyer for contempt of cna':. 81 have
expire. sed no contempt Ger the court"
said the lawyer son the contrary, | have
carefully concealed my fee, ngs."
FoorE once asked man without a
sense of tune in him, "Why ere you for
ever humming that tune?" Because it
hsunts me" was the reply. ''No wonder,
said Foote, you are forever numbering it,"
Mrs. Peter Piper's baby was making
tremendous noise and friend asked
Peter why it was so cross. at has q
stormy wother," said Peter with a sigh,
"you nced't wonder if it is little squalIv
it is quito natural"
y GENTLEMAN WAS once making fun of
sack which Toung lady wore. ''You
had better keep quiet, said she, or l will
give YOU the seek" Il should be most
happy was the gallant response, if You
would give it to me as it is-with your
self inside of it."
An othrodox Yankee expresses HIM
self as follows concerning eternity
ETERNITY! Why don't you know the
meaning of that word! Nor l either
hardly. 1t is forever and ever and five
or six everlastings atop of that. You
might place row of figures from here
to sunset, and cipher them up, and it
would not begin to tell Row many ages
l.ng eternity is. Why, my friends. after
millions and trillions Of years in the NOR
ming of eternity, it VIII be hundred
thousand years to breakfast time"
Ar recent spiritual circle mo was
signifed by a strong puff of wind in the
faces of every one present" This IS the
first time we ever heard of spirits
blowing Its nose.
EgIt is a remarkable fact that how