The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-12-12

ly, Il am doing wrong-very wrong, in al.
lowing you to 20 At large. 1t is my duty tc
deliver you up to justice. Your story of the
mistake and the intended joke 10 absurd
people have but one object in picking pock.
cts. But in consideration of this your first
offence, and more in consequence of the en-
treaties of your friend, / have consented to
allow you 10 depart, and sincerely hope my
mistaken kindnes may not be thrown away
upon you.' Then, with q bow to Dick, he
left the place. @e- ~S
sThere, Bob,' said Dick, ina grave and
serious tone, slet this be a warning to you.
No one but myself knows what narrow es-
cape you have had; another time You may
not be SO fortunate.' After thus addressing
me, Dick too left the place. 1
with the deepest sense of humiliation
l skunk out of the room, and sneaked home,
q much wiser man than was in the morning.
| AWestern correspondent of Harper's Mag
azine, writes as follows:
1 was once present on the hustings at q
discussion between two rival candidates for
| Congress in an excited election contest in
Tennessee. Both gentlemen are now in high
stations: one of them for twelve years was
in Congress, md has been Postmaster Gen
eral, and the other has gained reputation
for brilliant and classical oratory almost as
wide as that of his illustrious kinsman of
the same patronymic in Virginia. But to
the discussion. Mr.. j had been rather
equivocally complimenting his opponent
who was called the 'Eagle Orator'-on the
remarkable suavity of his manners, and his
affability with the people; and went on to
| say that he had an irresistible way of sc e
ing the hands Of his constituents between
both his own, and bowing SO affectionately
as to secure their whole heart. Il must con-
fess,' continued Mr.. j, that / have
practiced for hours before a looking glass
to acquire that fascinating manner, but
without success. must yield to my friend
the palm in shaking hands,
In reply, Major H said: ,. .. ii
IF my honorable opponent wishes to make
himself agreeable to honest people, he must
leave off practicing before the glass, and
cultivate more assiduously the kindly feel
ings of the heart. He is the last man who
should accuse me of practicing behavior to
win votes. will tell you little anecdote
illustrative Of the peculiar electioneering
abilities of my honorable friend in his inter-
course with our intelligent constituents
We were canvassing in remote part of the
district, and, having an appointment to speak
near the house of very influential Squire,
We spent the previous night at his house to-
gether. 1t was well known that the SquiIe
controlled oil the votes in that precinct, and
his better-haf controlled him, so that it was
all-important to get on the right side of her.
We had agreed not to electioneer with the
Squire while we staid with him; but l did
not think this forbade me to do my beyt with
his family. So rose about daybreak the
next morning, and, thinking that should
make friends with the mistress of the house
BY bringing water to cook the breakfast, !
took bucket and started of for the spring.
was tripping off on 'a light fantastic toe,'
on earth should see, as looked into the
barn-yard, but the old woman milking the
COW, while my honorable friend, with his
face ruddy with morning exercise, and his
long locks streaming in the breeze, was hold
ing the COW by the tail ! saw in an instant
that it was all up with me. returned to
the house discomftted, and abandoned all
hopes of vote in that region
In Saintsville, very quiet town in one of
exactly-Squire Williamson reigns as the
pecially in the fine arts. He sets up to de
the most knowing man in town. not in law
only, but in all departments of science. Now
and then he overshoots the mark. One of
the neighbors' an intelligent mechanic, hav-
ing fine taste for natural history, spent
good deal Of his time and labor in preparing
acabinet Of stuffed brds, arranging them sas
natural rs life,' on perches around his shop.
The Squire was fond of dropping in from
time to time to find fault with the arrange
ment of the specimens. lie admitted the
skill of the man in skinning and stufing
them, but the habit Of the bird was not hit
in the way he stood.
sWhy don't you follow nature? the
Squire would ask, and grumble at the work,
to show his own acquaintance with subject
of which he was totally ignorant. r'
Rogers, the bird-fancier, was vexed at the
Squire's criticisms and self -conceit, and re-
solved upon fixing him. A friend fror. the
country brought him one day live owl of
beautiful plumage, and Rogers gladly took
it of him, and set it up in one corner Of the
shop on shelf. Presently, as fhe Squire
was passing, he asked him in. His eye
caught sight of the new addition to the cab
met, and he exclaimed: !:
sdey, hey, Rogers splendid specimen
that and elegantly stuffed, too ! but Rogers,
who ever saw an owl with his head tucked
up in that kind of way? Follow nature,
man, .e1
sPerhaps,' said Rogers, you could fix
the head as owls are accustomed to hold
them.'
ITO be sure can,' replied the Squire
and, mounting chair, he reached up to the
bird to straighten out his head. But his
owlship did not wait to be pulled; he dsrted
out his bill, and gave the Squire's forefngcr
a grip that he will carry the mark of FOR
many day. Falling back out of the chair
in his fright. and seeing smile Of satisfac.
ton on Rogers face, he saw at once he had
been sold. The owl looked on as wise as q
Judge, and the Squire was compelled to give
in but he insisted that owls in tho woods or
in the barn do not hold their heads as this
rascally fellow does in the cabinet.
Cyan artist Of some celebrity was once
exhibiting some paintings representing scenes
in Mazepps, and accompanying each BY a
recitation Of the particular passage in the
poem, descriptive Of it. The paintings were
really excellent, and the audience listened
with breathless interest to the reading.
When the curtain fell, the audience and arr
tist we're startled by tall, gaunt fellow
raising up in their midst and enquiring
with countenance of the greatest solicitude:
sDld she dep
sDid who dep
tsWi-ah,-Maseppa! =
#gs.
TA youth Of seventeen meeting an ac-
quaintance in the street, says:
~(suess who's dead"
@Mr. Jones, suppose. l heard he was
very sick"