Smyrna times., 1857-03-25
Written for the Smyrna Times.
Young America Again What Should
49g-LFand What Shouldn't Be. q


quite enough to make me believe, if didn't !.
Chain, Forty Horse Power Want-SuppyIng
Machlne, and, that ii had adUanced sufficiently
to meet all the present and future requirements
of MAN; for, certainly, when these drores are
presented to the full view of a young ge4tlev
man like me, they seem only fitted for such a
fate--htted TO dwell in a land of drowsY con-
leptment where past-works - suffice, and
wherein The footprints of. Progress are never to
be made..-,And, now, just imagine sucha a place
the state of society, the political institutions,
and the dormant energy of its inhabitants =
Perfectly horrifying to think of. much less COM
ment upon why, sir, if it tended to improve
anent, as it doubtless would, don't believe
they'd ever take step towards Heaven, unless
mpeled by the magic-power OF a three-cent
piece. Yes, sir, that's Old Fogyism or,
rather, just what it would be, were it not for
the great perseverance and untring energy of
our party. with which they are often forced to
compete. So, you see, if they do rely upon
the products of some such machine, il will avail
them nothing when they come in contact with
spirit of enterprise. "Cumpettion is the
life of trade" and gives impetus to improve
ment; and, disposition once evinced, to van
qush the valiant hosts OF " Young America"
would rebound to the glory of the cause, and
result, as at our last Municipal Election, in the
total overthrow Of it's opponents Their mid
background flag and principles of " moderation"
will net protect them from our fury; y, no |!
zoe are in favor of GOING AHEAD,-and, our busi-
II sS is not to stop and inquire OF the rig hts and
the WrnngS in the matler,-lhese are trivial
affa rs, and we havn't the time to consume in
lnvestiga ting small things But, hold-to be
brief, I'll place truce right here, and make,
Mr.. Edltor,-without arguing their proprieiy,
as we are in the maJoriiy,-a few more sug.
] gestions tor the consideration OF the "propcr
authorities. believing that they, though here.
u tofore unaglta.ed, will meet at once with the
u favor richly merlted.
In the first place, to avoid little mortifca.
tion and considerable trouble, it is highly i'm.
portant that the number OF days that hav,
" elapsed since the passage of that further GddI
: tional supplement-, be increased to more thar
twenty right off, and that no Fogy, through
whose property u street has been opened, huv'
: the right to enter an appeal"
Next, would recommend the passage of al
, ordinance prohibiting old women irom langin;
II their clothes out to dry; for, | AIN grieve
T. nightly, especially Mondays, at seeing III
10 "duds" stretched OH lines in every direction
= and it is quite enough 10 shock the senslblllte
N of any young lady III the town!
at 1t is essentially necessary, too that BOwln
Saloons be erected immediately, to meet tn
10 pu5lic demand and, also, that every hOus
ID be provided with "dead-latches,' and all Ih
~ young gentlemen furnished with keys, so the
a. can ago ina ut night when they please, an
TO not get enraged at the old folks for their detsr
Nv tion at the doors
Or Aud, further, the district of "Whuppn
h. should be totally demolished, and other darkeT
w ed spots in this region rubbed out of existence
i in double quick time; whilst the light of civ
st lization shouldn't be withheld from poor, dllap
or dated, long-negected {" lrlshtown."
re For the benefit and better-reguation" {
y Old Fogies, Lyccum should be established i
ts the town, we'll supplied with useful books; an
Ne no youth should continue at home in the ever
le ing longer thun he can get his hat.
u am, too, decidedly in favor Of slreet-.amps
but Jumps" cithout the posts, is my motto
n they are repugnanl 10 the latest fashions -
It, course, the convenience Of our young ladie
I'D should be consulted in this relation.
ey And, in these days of shade-tree planting,
at the public expense,--whch is all right, yo
e. know -" slver~murl IS" should be placed
N, front and around each church in the bounds
'is the corporation; and old men shouldn't be a
e lowed TO halt under their branches, unless the
We are spiritually social, fond of seeing aid bein
Ills seen, and, like certain young gentlemen, pr,
as fer finely favored cigar to good sermon.
That obnoxious ordinance to prevent fur
;. GUS driving" in the town, should be repealed
and every =" old man" compelled TO keep TIVE
forty horse, especially for his sons use an
Main aud Commerce streets. after being grade
and thoroughly planked, should be used only
L race-cOurses and repositories of fish barrels.
cir All the merchants (!) in and within two milt
nd of the town should be required, by law, to ha,
their stores furnished with hair cushioned sofa
er for the accommodation of their patrons aft,
er. teG-particularly for tight customers.
's- uld, specialized, hurch-gOing people, shou
'm be compelled to use the back streets in atten
he ing public worship on the Sabbath; and, the
M shouldn't have the privilege of coming with
tie. fifty feet OF any corner of the principal stree,
,ty on that day, under penalty of getting tnctur'
he with the " Anti. Nervous" or being crowded
we the sidewalks by the young gentlemen wi
nd generally assemble at these places.
'rk It should be declared the duty of old mai
u to labor more assiduously in disseminating Il
Mt, interesting intelligence Of Betty Anns extren
eo- love for Sam, and Jim's undying. sticking -pls
ed. ter regard for Lucinda and, in no case, shou
The young widows be permitted to sigh in the pr