South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1857-05-08

Never mind. my good woman SEE the
judge, say yes to what the gentleman will
read to you from the book-it will be suf.
ficient. amply 3d."
The tall man then took up tho big book
and read out loud ever 80 long lot of Glib
berish that I didn't understand then, and
can't remember now, but it was to the fact
that l should tell everything knowed and
nothin more, and swear it was all true.
Dear sakep seq if I've got to tell
everything I know, it'll take me month
or two, and I should like to have some din.
ner afore begin
You're not to tell anything except the
circumstances connected with the turnip
field of my client ser the tall man, pull
ing away At his whisksrs. - '''' -
don't know anything about yer client
sez [. i never seed it, to the best of nv
noledge; it was Smiths COW that got in
the turnip patch
Did you see the defendants COW make
forcible entrance into the plaintiffs enclos
ed field? see he, lookin' as grand as the
king of Independent Tartary.
Il seed John Smiths COW jump into Sam
Jones turnip yard, if that's what you want
to git at sez l.
The same thing, marin, the same thing,
only in different langwidge. Where were
you standing at the time Of tho occurrence p
In the yard, on my feet
What color was the animal that YOU saw
vault over the fence? Could you identify
her from all others of the species p
She was brindlc-a thread of red hair
and one of black sez I.
Describe her more fully scz he.
She had head two horns, two ewes
one mouth, four legs aud a tall sez I:
Did you see her with your own eyes de-
YOUR two turnips in plaintiffs fcld?'
with my own eyes? To be sure -
Whose eyes did you think I'd borrowed p
Gould you swear it was turnips that you
saw her masticating.'
Il amt gwine to swear anything about
it. She was eating sumthin white, but it
might have been white rocks, for anything
that know
Mrs. Tripc, how old are you?'
None of your business p sez I, ccttin
out and out mad. I am old enough for you,
my way. and you look as if you were man
the ark = 10 eolcateo III
The lawyer scratched his nose, and look
ed like red flannel again, for all the folks in
the room laughed enuff to split themselves.
Go on with the examination sez the
judge.
DO you know my client personally p
seq the lawyer, pinting at Mr.. Jones with
his long rakisl fngcr.
l should think ought to- sez 7, lafiu.
He courted my cuzin Tidy Brown. morn
two years, and got the mitten in the end
There was great laff again, and calm
out for order, ORDER and that only made
'em laf the louder. Jest at this minute
up jumped little humbly, red-faccd man,
that had been talking with John Smith ev-
er so long in whisper, and sticken his
thumbs into the arm-holcs of his vest, scz
he-'Allow me to ask the witness few
questions, your honor
Tho judge bowed, and the red-faced man
went on
Mrs Tripc, you say you know Mr..
Jones-do you know my client, Mr.. John
Smith p
Yes, sez l.
what do you know of him ?, scz he
State the good you know of him, if you
please
I don't know any good of him. sez T.
He robbed my hen roost last spring, of the
best pullet aud the hansumest Grower had
in the flock That's most l know of him
any way
The witness may sit down. seq the
judge, takiu out his handkerchief and pre-
tendin' to blow his nose, though it's my
opinion he was trying to keep from lafin'
a madder feller than John Smith you
never seed; but they wouldn't let him say
a word, and I was actily afeerd he'd bust,
he was so full Of bilin hot rage agin me.
There was great deal Of talkin and dis
putin in the room--snd arter while the
jury sed they'd decided the case. 't' '.
One of the jurymen stood up, and sed he
thought Smiths COW hadn't no business to
jump into Jones's yard and devour two Of
his turnips.
Another of EN- got up and sed he know
ed the COW hadn't urt to jump in, but the
turnips had no business to look so tomptin,
and for his part he thought the turnips was
full as much to blame as she was. =
Another Of EN- scd that Jones ought To
pay Smith for his cows killing His dog, for
the dog he sed was the ugiiest critter upon
the faoo Of tho airth. 's'
The judge sent EN- all off out inter an.
other room to make up their minds WIN,
they'd do-and we set as still as mice, wait.
in for EN- 10 cum back Byme-by the door
opened and in they cum-twelvo of EN-
two and two, and sot down.
Gentlemen of the jury sez the judge
have you arrived at conclusion I?
All Of cm bowed their heads solumly-
Who shall speak for you SCI he, lookir
as indigniied as an owl on boiler tree.
"Our foreman, Mr.. Autipcdes,' sez they
with one voice.
} Mr.. Antipcdcs riz up, slow and steady
jist as you've seen EN- hist up rocks with {
derrick, as il he was afeercd if he'd sidl'
, over mite he should sprawl hisself on th'
t floor. Autipedcs is an orful CRATE mau
and his head is the biggest part Of him
| rather ton hoovc ye aee