The Tiffin tribune. [volume] (Tiffin, Ohio) 1848-1859, 1857-10-16
Misttllanu.
The Disguised Lover.
Bv KENT.

My friend Tom has a natural affection
for dirt, or rather dirt has natural affeo-
ton for Tom.- 1T is TO him what gold was
TO Midas-whaiever he touches turns to
dirt. No matter how white the cravat-
no matter how Immaculate the vost, the
moment II comes within the sphere Of
Toms influence, ils wh;teness is gone it
is immaculate no longer. Dogs, sweeps
aud lamp-lighters never pass him without
leaving on his dress unequivocal marks of
1heir presence. Once and only once /
saw him cross che street without encoun-
iering the wheels Of carriage. opened
my mouth to congratulate him, and before
could utter one word il was filed with
mud.--The careless blockhead lay at my
feSt, full length in the gutter. At my
earnest solicitation he once purchased a
suit precisely mudcolor. II was a capi-
tai idea. He crossed the street three
times; he walked hAlfa mile ard returned,
in appearance, at least, uuscathed. The
hing was unprecedented. True, he was
welcomed by the alfectionate caresses Of
= dog that had been enjoying the GOODNESS
Of neighboling horsepond; true. he re-
ceived a shower from the wheels OF an
omnibus. But TO plaster mud on Toms
new coat was "to gild refined golI--to
paint the lilly"
Tom will be neat man yet. {" said,
as | witnessed the success Of my plan.
In about half an hour il was my fate to
meet gentleman with seven stripes Of
gr5en paint on his back; tRas my friend
rom-he had been leaning sgainst some
newly painted window blinds.
His man Cesar declares that he "oan't
see de use ob brack boot when he never
stay bracked;" and his washerwomau,
with very proper regard for her own
reputation, has been compelled to discard
him, not from any ill-will, but, as she de.
olared with upliited hands, 'if any one
should ask me II washed Mr.. Smiths
clothes what could tell them?" But
there were very few things in this world
with T,'hich Tom could have more-easily
dispensed, than Che services of his wash
erWoman.
Having no other amusement, one morn
ing strolled over to Toms room, i
assembled the stairs and heard his voice
IN a very decided tone:---
"But it must be done, and so there's
no end to it,"
"Really," was the reply. "anything
within the limits Of possibility; but to
make coat in ten hours-I viii promise
anything in the world; but really fear l
shall be unable 10 perform"
III double your price would be an OBJ
jeet"
"CeFtainly, sir, if you insist upon it,
certainly, viii put every man in my
shop upon Tit shall be done in time.
Good morning sir"
The door opened. and a fellow with
shears and measures passed. What could
Tom be doing with a tailor?
''Just the man l wanted to see," ex-
claimed Tom. 81 require your advice
upon a very important adair--which Of
these cravats do you think most becom-
ing?"
And no spread before me some half q
dozen Of every hue and fashion.
''Now what in the name Of all that is
wonderful does this mean, Tom2 A fan
Icy ball, is IL? You have chosen an excel
lent disguise; your nearest neighbor will
never know you. But you cannot SUP
port the character; if you had taken that
ofa chimney sweep, now--but that would
have been too natural, Toll me, Tom,
lwhat does all this moan2"
"Why the fact is, Frank" passing a
hand thro his hair, redolent OF macassar." I"
/ have concluded-I think l shall be a
little more neat in future. You doubtless
remember the good advice you gave me
some time since; it has had an excellent
effect, assure YOU"
Now Il so happened that Of all the good
advice had given Tom. this was the frsI
instance ia which he had seen fit 10 fo.-
low IL So could not attribute the met
alnorphosie Of lnY friend to my elo-
quenoe. Who but woman ever changed
q sloVen 10 a fopl
''klag, where are you going this eve
ming" 4 continued, s'lhai you must have
9 new coat 80 suddealyg"
"1oingf Nowhere IA particular. ]
had, indeed. aome idea og calling on nay
/. old sFisnd. Mr. Murray. No harm ii
that. | hope"
: Conviction began 10 fash upon me.
"Your cid friend. Mr MaFray. And