Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1857-05-06
OPPOSED TO MATRIMONY.

OPPOSED To MATRIMONY.
e'Is your family opposed to matrimony 7''
sWal, no, I'd rather guess not, seem as how
my mother had four husbands and stands
smart chance of havin' another.
''Four husbands ? is it possible 2''
''Oh, yes, yer see my mothers christencd
name Mehetable Sheet, and dads name
was Jacob Press, and when they got married
the printers said that it was putting the sheet
in the press. They said was the first edition
'sAn' mother was the tarnaest critter to go
out to evenin' meetin's. She used to 60 out
pretty late every night, an dad was afraid I
would get in the same habit, so he put me to
bed at early candle light, covered me up with
the pillar and put me to sleep with the boot
jack. Wal, dad had to get up every night and
let mother in; if he didn't get down pretty
darn'd quick, when she cum, he'd ketch par
ticular thunder, so dad used to sleep with his
head out OF the winder, SOS he ID wake up quick
an one night he got a leetle too far out, and
down dad cum curfumux right down ON the
pavement, an smashed into ten thousand
| pieces.
ssW nat ! was he killed by the fall ?''
"Wal, no, not exactly by the fall. rather
fetch up of the pavement that killed him.
But marin cum hum and found him lying thar
and she had him swept up together, an had
hole dug in the buryiD' yard, an had dad put
in and buried up an had white oak plank put
to his head, and white washed all over for
tombstone.
$50 your mother was left poor lone wild
ow 2"
ssWal, yes, but she didn't mind that much
twasD't long, fore she married Sam Hide
You see she married Hide bekase lie wos jus.
about dads size and she wanted him to wear
out dads clothes. Wal the way old Hide
used to hide me was caution to my hide
Hide had little the toughest hide, except q
bulls hide, and the way Hide used to hide a
way liquor in his hide was a caution to bulls
| hide.
Wal, one day old Hide got his hide so full
of whiskey that he pitched headlong into
snowbank, and thar he stuck and friz TO DEATH
So marin had him pulled out, and laid out. and
had another hole dug in the same buryin' yard,
and had him buried and had another white
oak plank put up at his head and white washed
all over and :;
$50 your mother was again a widow 7''
GO, yes, but l guess she didn't lay awake
long to think about that, for in about three
weeks, she married John Strong-and he was
the strongest headed cuss that you ever seen.
He went fishing the other day and got drown
ed, and he tarnal strong headed, that he
floated right up agin the current, and they
found him three miles up the river and il took
three yoke of cattle to pull him out. Wal,
marin had him buried along side sstother two''
had white oak plank put up at his head and
white-washed all over nice, and there's three
on 'em all in a row.
''And your mother was a widow for the
third time ?''
"Yes but marin didn't seem to mind it a
tarnal sight. The next fellow she married was
Jacob Hayes, an the way marin does make
him haze is caution now tell you. If he
does a.leetle out of the way, marin makes him
take a bucket and white-wash brush and go
right up to the buryin' yard and white-wash
the three oak plarks, just to let hin know
what he may come to when she placed him in
the same row and got married to the fifth hus-
band. So you my family amt a tarnal
sight opposed to a dose of matrimony.
--S>S~-