The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1857-06-11

MR.. SHAM, MRS. SHAM, THE LITTLE sHAMs
by IDYL.

and ready to do you q kindness, or make
an ingenious excuse if he cannot. Mr..
Sham hires his coach and horses by
the year, and his handsome coachman, too,
but if he spoke of them, he would tell you
in round terms that his establishment cost
him cool two thousand, and he wouldn't
think of keeping so expensive an equipage,
only Mrs. Sham's health is delicate, and
the little shams, coopcd up as they arc in
the city, need daily drive out Of town.
Mr.. Sham sports n dashng watch with
heavy seal and Chain that look very much
like gold, owing to singular custom of
their owner, who uses Il certain white pow
der and piece of bucllsliin on them every
morning, and nobody surmiscs that Mr..
Sham would wear anything but gold. The
worthy gentleman is constantly talking of
! his family across the water, all of which
are dukes and duchesscs, lords and ladies,
and squires of high degree. lie is to come
in possession of Il fabulous fortune when
| somebody dies for whom he las too sincere
respect TO wish that consummation most
devoutly. lie is going to buy such a coun-
try seat the next summer, if business will
only be kind enough just to let him run up
to l.. or d., to survey the premises and Sign
the deed.
Everything belonging to Mr.. Sham is
mortgaged except his wife and children,
and SO are tEey, to an ncxorahle creditor,
Ultimate Ruin. Mr.. Sham is great
boastcr; in plain language, Mr.. Sham is
great liar; lie has lied SO long that the
poor man never knows whan ho tells the
truth himself; indeed, his conscience only
troubles him when he is not inventing.
Mrs. Sham! "a magnificent person in
red velvet. an a grand match for her hus-
band. Dine with Mrs. Sham. Hear her
regret that her head cook, "a fabulous per-
sonage) was unfortunately taken sick and is
suffering up stairs with a headache. No
tice her reprimand to Harriet Jane the
eldest daughter, that she did not make that
stupid Biddy put on the best set of silver.
Hear her talk of tho pleasure Of her last
years travelling tour, when she staid at
home all summer shut up in the back part
of her house. Behold her jcwelry, paste,
and Irish diamonds her lace-nolhing but
a sham in place of the real. Listen to the
stories she tells Of her chdhood-if YOU
did not know that her mother was once. an
honest, hard-laboring wash.woman, you
would be tempted to belive that she never
took a step on the cold ground in her life
before she was married, and that some way
she was related to Queen Victoria, or Louis
Napoleon.
Tho little Shams are epitomies of both
parents. They begin already to substitute
the false for the real, to brag of deeds they
never performed, to talk Of families they
never visited, and to watch each other
closely that there may be, no discrepancies
Poor, unhappy little shams, what life
they will lead; and if they should happen
to fall from even the scale in which they,
appear at present to be snugly balanced. I
fear that they will find apartments in a
strong house with bars at the windows, and
whose degradation and d'discipline arc any
thing but sl,ams.-Olve Branch.
|
n Pugnocious Mayor.-The Following
is related of Mayor Foley, of Covington,
kentucky
Some months since, man was arrested
and brought before him for whipping his
wife. The Mayor fined him, and let him 60,
but in week the chap was again arrested
for the same offence; this time his Honor
imprisoned him, and after serving out his
time he went home and again abused his bet
ter half, and notwithstanding the Mayor
fined and imprisoned the fellow for each
offence, lie would persist in his vile behavior.
The Mayor, after trying for months to re-
form him, had we:l-nigh given up the task,
until one morning this "hcro of a hundred
fghts'' with his wife) was arranged on the
old charge. SWELL" says his Hohor, 81 sup
pose you think I am going to fine you?"
II dun no." says the cuIprt. "Perhaps
you imagine I will imprison you3" continued
Mayor F." II expect So" was the answer.
81 shall do neither" said the Mayor. "I
discharge yon." The fellows countenance
began to brighten up, when his Honor ad-
journed the court, and afteystepping to the
door, invited him inside. "Now, you mean
devil, ,"saya Mayor F., "Ihave fined you and
imprisoned you till am tired oft, and yet
you persist in i'll treating your wife. / will
fnow tell you, that If ever hear of your abus.
ing that women again, I'll whip you within
an inch Of your life, d-n me if 1 don't.
4 Now travel |" The Mayor has never heard
from that fellow since.
The'sun is like God, sending abroad life,
L a