The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1857-09-16
ABsURDiTlFs OF SPEECH.

belray people into uttering The most ridlcu.
ious absurdties quite unir,enlionally. A
great man addressing the House of Lords,
said, ''lt is my most painful duty to inform
your iordships that ii has pleased the Almsh.
lS God 10 release the king from his su6e1ngs."
This was quite equivalent 10 saying that he
was sorry the kings sufferings were over
maid of honor in France, being asked the
hour by her royal mistress, obsequiously an.
swered, "What your majesty pleases:" an
answer even less Indefinite than that of The
cowboy, who, after looking up at the town
clock, said it was only "half an inch past
eight" A nurse wishing 10 give very po.
lite answerto gentleman who inquired after
the health of a sick baby entrusted TO her
care, said, ooh, sir, .fattsr myseJfthe child is
going 10 die" A nobleman told visitor
that he had been talking to him in dream.
"Pardon me-" replied the other, al really
did not hear you" A lady Of rank having
had the professional services of village pi-
per at little tete which she had given on her
estate, received The following ridiculously
civil note from him: Your ladyship's pardon
for my boIdness in thus applying 70: payment
would be almost sufficient compensation
for the labor of your humble piper, Patrick
Walsh Lord Clarendon, in his essay on
the decay of respect paid 10 old age, says
that, in his younger days, he never kept his
hat on before those older than himself, except
at dinner. In the presen: day, the wearing
of il at dinner could be thought more dsre-
speclful than al any other lime. George the
Fourth, when Prince of Wales, used TO return
the bows Of all persons in the street, except
beggars. He justified this omission by re-
marking, 'lhat TO return a beggar's bow,
without giving him anything, would be
mockery, and to sop for The purpose of be-
slowing sixpence would seem os!entatious
in prince" Sir Robert Graham, being in
formed that he had been found guilty of
capital offence, desired the man 10 be again
placed on The dock, and hastily putting on the
black cap, he said, "Prisoner at the bar,
beg your pardon" and then passed on him
the awful sentence of death. a country car.
pen,er having neglected TO make gollows
that bad been ordered 10 be ready by cer-
tain day, the Judge himself went to the man,
and said, "Feow, how came you TO neg.
Iecl making the gibbet that | ordered !"-
"Pm very sorry for had known that it was
for your lordship it should have been done
Immediately. While an officer was bowing,
cannon ball passed over his head, and de.
captated soldier who stood behind him.
"You see," said the officer 10 those near him,
"that man never loses BY poileness." Ma
poleon's hat having fallen off, young lieu.
tenant stepped forward, picked it up, and
presented it 10 him. "Thank you eGptain,"
said The emperor, inadvertently. tin what
regiment, sire 2" inquired the sub, quick as
lightning. Napoleon smiled, and forthwith
promoted the witty youth 10 captaincy.-
Notwithstanding the fury with which The
battle of Fonlenoy was contested, it began
with great show of cvility Lord Charles
Hay, captain Of The English. guards, advan-
ced before the ranks, and Coun, d'Auleroche
a Lieutenant of grenadiers in the French
guards, stepped forward 10 meet him. "Fire,
gentlemen of the French guards!" exclaimed
the English captain. emo my lord" replied
the French Lieutenant, "we never fire first"
This reminds US OF an anecdote told OF Cur
ran who, being called out to give satisfaction
10 an officer for some imaginary offence, was
told by his antagonist 10 fire first, which he
declined, saying, GAS you gave the invita-.
lion, beg you will open The ball."