The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-09-19
SQUIRE RICHER'S COW,
BY CLARA AUGUSTA.


"Good lookin' COW, that, Squire Richer.
Want to sell p
wall, dunno. Want to buy? ,
sThat depends on the price,. What'u you
sell her for?
Make me IN offer:'
sWall. 'spose she's worth eighteen or
twenty dollars. Somewhere about that
Eighteen or twenty dollars! Land soul,
Mr.. Smith! Why, that COW is the real Dur
ham, Cheshire short horn-the best breed IN
the world, you KNOW
.Sho! YOU don't say so, though, do ye!
Strange, now, didn't notice it. Come from
the town of Short Horn, eh?'
sLaud soul, no, Mr.. Smith. She was
owned BY man by the name of Short Horny,
and they called her Short Horn, you know,
cause Horny was too long to speak. The
man that raised her was an English or Irish,
l forgot which. So you see the cows a
furriner. reported her myself from the
continent
sSho! Why, never ha' heard a word of
it. Kept it private, didn't ye Squire!
sWall, yes, rather Ye see it's the times
of the Know Nothing agitation, and ye know
Pm candidate for Selectman in my town,
so was afraid if the people found out that l
was a bringin' furren COW over here they'd
turn rite out and spile my election. You
know they're down ON furriners.'
wall, declare, Squire, you're sharp.
But the cow can speak-that is, roar Eng
lish. can't she?'
'Sartin! just like any other COW. And
now, neighbor Smith, if you want to buy a
grand good COW, one that'll give twenty live
quarts of milk day, and make ten pounds
of butter week, you'll never have another
sucbsa chance. | wouldn't part with her at
no price to any other man, but you and
have alters been good friends, and don't
mind sacrificing few paltry dollars to
obleege you. You may have that Durham
Cheshire short horn COW, bred somewhere
in Victoria's dominions, forthe sum Of forty
five dollars. Dog cheap
sForty-fve dollars Oh! Squire, you
must think Pm made Of money. never
can afford to give that. Say forty, and Ill
think about it,"
sWall, Mr.. Smith, you're tight hand at
a bargin, but won't stand with you for a
few paItry dollars. You may have the COW
for forty
'The moneys yourn.'
'The cows yourn.'
sThere, reader, that's the way Mr.. John
Smith happened to become the owner Of
the Durham Cheshire short horn "furren"
COW reported from the continent by. James
Richer, Justice of the Peace for Strafford
county, State of New Hampshire. Now,
for 1urther particulars.
Mr.. Smith drove his purchase home, much
,elated with the acquisitions; and when night
came, he would not permit his daughter Jane
to milk the short horn with the other cows,
he must perform the plcasurable and highly
interesting Job himself. Mr.. Smith estab-
lished himself on a three legged stool at the
side.of the short horn, and placing a fifteen
quart wooden pail at the proper angle, COM
menced the process. In less than second
he had the pail brim full, for the short horn,
not probably relishing the slow old fashion,
ed: method Of filling the pail with milk, !,
concluded to save Mr.. Smith considerable
trouble, and accordingly set both her hind
a smart whisk with her stub tail at the same
time. ~,.s..s- 1.sg sg,.
Mr.. Smith tried to dislodge the obtruding
feet, but to his surprise he found them fix
ture. On further examination he ascertaned
that the feet had quietly knocked out the
bottom of the pail, and the legs of the short
horn were firmly hooped together. He pulled
and hauled at the refractory legs, but all to
no purpose; they were bound to stick. So Mr..
Smith, as last resort, applied hatcbet to
the pail, and rent it in twain. Out few
short horns understandings, and by way of
examination into their safety, she let go first
one and then the other whack against Mr..
Smiths ankle bone. Over went Smith and
the three-legged milk stool bouncing after
him--his head in fragrant mud-puddle,
ana his feet elevated in 'the elastic fluid
which surrounds the earth.' He screamed
to Simon Mildmay, his hired man, to come
to the rescue; but Simon was engaged just
then in the interesting business Of kissing
Jane Smith behind the brindle cow she was
milking, and it was some time before he
responded to the call.
When Mr.. Smith was once more raised to
the perpendicular. he swore few easy
words, looked sadly at the Durham Cheshire
short horn ,and went in to Mrs. Smith to gel
the wounded limb bound up. From that
worthy lady he received but little consola-
ton.
sIallers told you, Smith, said she, stc
keep clear Of Squire Richer; he's tormen.
ted speculator and alters will get the best
end OF a bargain. He got cheated once
when he married his wife, and that's some
comfort. He wanted to have me once; bu'
good lud I'd as soon throw'd myself into
the mill pond and committed regicide. Deal
sake this cloth amt half big enuf to reacf
round yer leg now. Wait till 1 sew it TO-
rether. Iallers knowed-it has been bea
into me for more'n year that Squire Rich
er would get the better of you somehow, ant
"Better Of me or not,' put in Mr.. Smith