The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1857-01-27
A FAsHroNARLE SERMON.

A FAsHIoNABLE SERMON.
The Knickerbocker Magazine furnishes
the following burlesque ON the handled
| preaching of the day. It is q skeleton of
| fashionable sermon:
! Tert.-.And he killed the fatted Calf"
Introduction.--Not necessary to say
much about the Prodigal Son. for nearly
every wealthy family has specimen of its
| own, and needs no enlightenment on the SUBJ
! ject. Divide the subject into five heads ::
LIST. Speak of the calf and inform your
! hearers how a calf should be fattened. Give
him all thesmilk of two cows, except a tin
cup full now and then for the badly. Here
you can make some learned remarks about
the milky way, the belt of Jupiter, and
Lord Ross's telescope.
| Cd. He killed the fatted calf, but not
only the Scriptures. but Josephus and the
Fathers are profoundly silent on the ques-
ton hoso he killed it.. AS this was more
than thousand years before the invention
of gunpowder firearms, the presumption is
that the old man didn't shoot the critter,
but pitched into him with club-for clubs
are very ancient institutions.
Sd. Explain why the old gentleman,
instead of a calf, didn't kill a shote--make
a oue-horse barbecue and have real time
oft.
4th. Inform your hearers what the word
calf means, when used in Hebrew, Greek,
ot;n Cbootau or ooEiaw
5th. Dwell pathetically upon the melan-
cholly degeneracy of the present age, evin-
ced by the fact that fathers, nowadays,
instead of treating a runaway son to ''fat7
ted calf" are pretty apt to treat him to a
''hasty plate of SOUP" made from the hide
of the Calls maternal projenitor.
Conclusion. Throw in little geology !;
talk learnedly about "grapeuake" and
'transition conglomerate." Win up the
discourse with most eloquent, affecting
appeal to the consciences of your hearers
on, Durham breed of cattle.
~---
NOVEL MEETING.-Dr. x. attended a
masquerade ball. In the motley and hap
Ply throng he falls in with a fair pilgrim in
black silk, whose charming person, snow
white neck, and bewitchingly coquettish
airs waken in his soul the most rapturous
love. She casts upon him looks of the most
languishing tenderness he revels in the
hope of having made blissful conquest
He musters up his courage, and ventures
to address her:
"Who art thou, lovely mask 2" asks DR..
X, almost melted in the glow of love.
us it possible you do not know me, Doc
tori" lisps the lady in black silk.
mo, upon my honor l do not know
thee?'
'Bethink yourself, Doctor
''Ah! thou art surely the gracious fairy
who has appeared to me to day, for the
fourth time, to open to me the gates Of
bliss"
"You mistake, Doctor; am no fairy
"Ah-who art thou, then ~
Il am the well known lady to whom you
have these nine weeks been indebted in the
sum of two dollars and seven shillings fol-
washing and ironing!''
The Doctor stood like a petrifed herring
DIR. KANE.-A letter has been received
by friend of DR.. Kane, in this city, which
gives information direct from his family,
and confirms the unfavorable statement re-
Gently made public: One of his brothers,
on receiving news of his departure from
England, left to meet him in Cuba, although
he was no. then thought to be dangerously
ill. But on the 5th instant such alarming
intelligence arrived that his mother left i'm
mediately for Havana. His disease is in
fammatory rheumatism, contracted in his
first Arctic voyage, and from which he was
suffering severely when he sailed the second
time. His indomitable perseverance and
untiring energy would not yield to a foe
which combatted him during the whole OF
his last expedition, and was more terrible
than the horrors of Polar winter. 1t has
now attacked the heart, and those who love
him best have but little hope that he will
be spared to them and to the country The
brave spirit which struggled so manfully,
when all around him was gloom and des-
pondency, and who forgot his own infrmi
ties to sustain and encourage his followers,
is at last overcome; and it is to feared that
we shall soon hear his name is added to
those who have sacrificed themselves to
science and humanity, and have cheerfully
given up their lives to promote knowledge
among men.-Boston Transcript.
SPEED OF RAILwAYs.-The policy of
running railway trains at high rate of
speed is being seriously discussed by rail-
road men north of US. The Virginia Board
of Public Works has recommended to rail-
road companies in that State ito adopt
regulations for such lower rates of speed
as will eventually diminish the cost of re-
pairs, and furnish greater security for pas
sengers." In accordance with this sug-
gestion, the directors of the Virginia Cen
trail Railroad Company have passed reso-