Delaware weekly Republican. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1841-188?, 1857-10-29
HUMOROUS.

Is pleased to think himself somebody.
Knowledge is proud that he has learned SC
mitch wisdom is humble that he knows nc
more.
A wealthy printer has been discovered ia
lhdia' Tho British Geological Society are
making preparations 20 catch him,
Choose that course in life which is the most
excellent, and custom will render it the most
delightful.
What is the difference between cashier and
schoolmasteri One tills the mind and the
other minds the till.
=" Well, Mr.. Grizzel," said his wife. you
needn't Kick round so, and wear all the sheets
cut, II you are dying!"
4. il has been said that chattering little soul
in large body is ike a swallowin a barn--the
twitter takes up more room than the bird.
Murderers may congratulate themselves upon
the fact, that the hemp factories IN Brooklyn
have stopped business and discharged their
hands.
The heppiest man in the world Is tho man
WIN just wealth enough to keep him in spirits,
and just children enough TO make him indus
| trious.
couple OF old maids sent bachelor a bo-
| quet Of tonsey aud wormwood. He thought
the gilt considerably sweeter than either Of
the givers.
There is good reason why little man
| shouid never marry widow. He might be
called the Widows mite,'
A Yankee editor says that he liked to kie
the shadow Of swihgihs sign foF a PSSket pocket
handkerchief.
Never take paper more than ten years
without paying for it. If at the end OF ten
years, the painter insists on having his pay, be
sure to stop the paper in disgust.
< What ugly brat is that under the window,
Susan ~
"Why, that is mine" replied Mrs. j..
., call the dear, beautiful, pretty little
creature in, aud let Inc kiss her."
That is not the best sermon which makes
the hearers GO away talking to one another,
and praising the speaker, bat that wich makes
them go away thoughtful and serious, and has.
tening to be alone,
"There is no place Tlike .home,' says the
poet. Right, unless il is the home of the young
woman you are after. This of course is an
exception. FIXTURE poeta will please to note
the fact.
The most remarkable case on record Is that
OF the Yankee soapman, who, in a violent
storm at sea, saved himself from death by tax
ing cake o, his own soap and pGshing him
self ashore.
a voter, deficient in personal beauty, said
to Sheridan, 's | mean 10 withdraw my coun-
tenance.trom you"
Many thanks Tor the favor" replied the
candidate, !" for il is the ugliest mug / ever
saw in my liio."
A phriend pheeling punily phiguratiye, phu-
rnishes the pholiUwing;
'4ty 4tunate 4esters 4tuituously 4tiying
4lorn dresses 1cibly 4bade Atty 4midable
4eigners 4mlng 4aging 4ces.'
An Irish gentleman lately fought duel with
his intimate friend, because he jocosely assert
ed that he was born without a shirt to his
back.
The most recent case OF absence of mind is
that of an editor who lately copied from hos
tile paper one of his own articles, and headed
it, " A wretched attempt at wit"
The Boston Post perpetrates the followIngs
is said of Eugene Sue that, though q
prnfesscd socialist, he lived like prince In
the same way, some Of our people, though
protessed Christians, live like the devil"
Samivel, Samiyel, beware of the vimen that
reads no newspapers Your father married
one that read none, and your the sad conse-
quencel Your ss hignorant as 'orse. Hig-
uorant people says it's throwing money away
to take papers, and fooln' away time to read
'eml
A AQUEnRY.-Somebody, we don't sadzactly'
know WHO, enlertains the idea that sNlne fast
turf are otShtieSs rpsis@ss sheep tor ssys
ably ieeced.' What an insult to the memery
Of ram, lamb, sheep, and mutton
A SORRY MAN.-They tell story about a
Yankee tailor dunning man for the amount
of his bill. The man replied
81 am sorry, very sorry indeed, that 1 can.
not pay it,"
Well" said the tailor, "I took you for a
man that would be very sorry-but if you are
sorrler than l am, I'll quit"
SMART AND LAzY.-A wag one day speaking
of two of his acquaintances who had gone
Vest, where the new comers were usually af-
tackled the first seuson with the ague, remark
ed
''Neither of these two men will be affected
by it,"
''Why not l' enquircd one who stood near
him."
sc 'sBecause," was the reply, 90 one Of them
is too lazy TO shake, and the other won't shake
unless he gets pay for it."
A New York Banker asked young lady OF