Indiana American. [volume] (Brookville, Ind.) 1833-1861, 1857-03-13
8 Column Of fun.

81 ~tb " I1t H.
OF A shrewd little fellow who had
just begun TO read Latin, astonished bis
master by the following treatment:
"yir man; gin, trap. Virgin, man
trap"
GrA Yankee down east. named Squib-
OBJ has been arrested for selling rope-yarn
for pig-tail tobacco. He had il wound
round with cabbage leaves. and was doing
an extensive trade among The exotics.
0LIt is very rare to find ground which
produces nothing; If il Is not covered
with flowers, with fruit trees and grain. il
produces briars. It's the same with man;
IL he Is not virtuous. he becomes vicious.
OF Bridget who broke those baucls
that were in the wood shcd2' asked
gentleman of rather green Irish scrvant
girl. tl
''Missus told Jem to break them up and
save her tho hoopsl" f.s
or One day. at farmhouse. wag
saw an old gobbler trying to eat the
strings Of some night-caps that lay onths
grass to bleach.
"That," said he, SIS what cali intodu-
cling cotton into Turkey"
or "You had better ask for manners
than money" said fnely-dressed gensle-
man TO street beggar who asked him for
aims.
Il asked for what ! thought you had
the most Of !" was the cunning reply Of
the mendicant
0T How are you. Smith, said Mr.
Jones.
Smith pretends not to know him, and
replies, hesitatingIy-
"Sir, you have the advantage OF me-"
"Yes." retorts Jones. Al suppose every
body has that's got common sense"
Smith looks unhappy.
GA bright child" asked its mother
where he should go when he died.
"To heaven trust" said the mother.
"Shall Ihave anything to eat thcre?'
"Ycs, love, You will be fed with bread
of eternal life"
'Well hope they'll put lots o. butter
on it." concluded the youngster.
0T Julius. You say You have left Mr..
Allen and gone to live with Mr.. HAYS; how
did you come to do that?'
"fIe urged me-"
"Who urged your"
"Mr Allen"
"How?"
with a big boot. gave his wife sass,
and he kicked me of the sioopl"
OF The local editor of an exchange
publishes a punning market report" il
which he states:
"Tin plates are fiat, lead heavy, iron
dull, rakes not much inquired after cham
pagnc is brisk, rhubarb and scnna are
drugs starch is stdening. and paper is sta
tionery. There is no life in dead hogs.
but there is considerable animation IN old
chcescip
0rA witty clergyman, accosted by an
old acquaintance Of the name OF Cobb, re-
piled:
81 don't know you sir" ~
"My name is Cobb" reloincd tha, man,
who was about half seas over.
"Ah, sir,"said the clergyman, "youhs
so much corn on you that did not see
the cob"
TA Frcnchman being troubled with
the gout, was asked what difference
there was between gout and rheumatism.
"Ahal ono vcr grande docferancs.v ne
piled Monsieur; "now, you take unto you
ono vice. put de finger in, yon turn dc
screw ill you can bear him no longer
yer vel, dat is dc rheumatism: den spose
you give him one turn more--dat Is de
gout. -
ovEa TWO THOUSAND ARGuMESTs--
The Alliance Weekly Naus says that SIN
gle ycar In Great Britain has furnished
over two thousand arguments against the
liquor traffic, namely: III brawls and VI
olent assaults. 2e4 robbcrics. a37 eases Of
atrocious cruelty towards wives and child.
rem. I6e serious accidents. lea actual or
attempted suicides. l2l murders. I62 act
nal or attempted suicides, l2l murders
and manslaughters. and $40 horrible
dcaths--strong drink being tho cause or
occasion Of all,
0SrA worthy old farmer residing IN
the vicinity Of Lake Mohobsc, was wor-
ried to death by his boarden They
found fault with his table, and said he bad
nothing to cat. Darn H." said old IssAo
one day, "what a fuss you ere making ]
can eat anything
"can you eat crown" said one Of tho
boardcrs.
"Ycs, can eat crowl"
bet you hat" said tho guests.
Tho bet was made. the crow caught and
nicely roasted; but before serving up they
oontrived 10 season II with good dose OF
Scotch snuff. Isaac sat down TO the crow.
He took bito and began 10 chew away,
"Ycs, can cata crow (another bite
and an awful faec.) II ken eat crow
but I'll be darned II ! banker arter u.
o<rAn aristocrarical young man from
up tho river was asked tho other night u
hs danced. "Yes. but I've about given Il
up" We asked him why? IIe replied:
"The reason Is simply this; have lived
In Albany for tho last three or four years;
have attended great many balls there--
put quit going all at once. upon discover
Ing that In nine easos out OF ten I would
SEQ tho ladies had danced with the night
before. by some angular metamorphosss.
scrubblng front stops or sidewalks TIE