Preble County Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1857-1859, 1857-02-19
A Certificate.
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editor in ?"
We were leaning back in our chair
dreamily building castles on the ''mon-
led basis of a one dollar bill, which a
delinquent had found it in his heart to
pay in, in that comfortable state of mind
between a ''wake and doze." Our feet
were elevated upon the fender, and a
promise of another ''warm meal during
the week.
Editor, sir?''
eyes, sir"
'Wall, you are the Teller [ want to
see. I'm Professor. Quaekem, of the
Sssal lls dlailee8 q astf ftSSt; Che me
ventor and sole proprietor of new
medicine, the Great Horse Power Cath
arine or Har Invigorator. Ever hearn
on the article before?''
''Have not"
'Wall, 1 han't but just found it out
myself, but it goes like ginger. 1t new
er fails I'm sending it to all parts of
the kontenant; besides to South Ameri-
ky and other places. 1t keeps in all
climates. Everybody buys it-every
body has har after they have tried it
But here are some certifkits-all we'll
uthenterkated- 'cm all well my
self Maybe you'll look at EN- ?''
The little man handed us awell-worn
copy of the Swashville Daily Bugle.-
The leader was devoted to the new dis
covcry. We copy:
''Our hundred thousand readers will
bear us out in the assertion, that we do
not open our kolumns to speak of pat
eat medicines. Bat the Great Horse
Power Cathrine Har Invigorator' am an
exception. We boldly, f3a-lessly, un-
hcsitatingly, pronounce it the diskiyery
Of the age. We have been bald from
our birth, owing to early troubles; but
once using the invigorator, kivered our
head with u dense growth of har. Our
friends are all astonished. Had the
prophet known of this he would not have
been called old bald head by the little
ones, and forty and two of the little hope
fnls tore into slivers by bears. We Will
let the Professor speak for himself:
The way diskivered this wonderful
medicine was in this wise:
I'd been out huckleberry' n, and when
going home through the back pasture,
where 1 keep old Brindlc and Bob, my
tcw milkin anemals, got kind o tired
like, and sos dew2 eg,. EseAaesas- -z-e---l=.-
fhey felt queer, and L rubbed some-ofl
them between my fingers. In less than
tcw minutes my forefnger and thumb
were covered with har, full out an inch
long! You may well think that this as
me. l tried the weed on 10th
er hand, and har thar too. l jumped
up from whar I was settin', and what
sight! My new, drab, doeskin pants
looked like the rump of Il. buffalo, with
har three inches long. did make for
home abaut then. But an idea struck
me- 1 tried the weed next day on the
door stone with great effect, producing
a thick mat of mouse colorcd harin thir-
ty minutes. l tried it on the chairs in
the house and produced magnificent har
cushions.
In plowing up the weeds, the mould
board of the plow looked like steel
grey musk rat, with handles to him
In digging out wood chuck, 1 accident
ally laid my iron bar upon the weed and
the next morning it Was kivercd with
thick coat of iron grey har. I skinned
that woodchuck and carried him hum,
and left him by the side of some Of the
weed. In the morning the carcass was
kivcrcd with har. And however incred-
ible it may seem, kept that woodchuck
several days, and took twenty-seven
full grown woodchuck skins! and full
coat of har on all OF 'em!
One of our Shanghai hens made nest
and sot in the same weeds. Her eggs
were covered with har, and the chickens
kun out with har on EN-! was sure
that such weed must be powerful, and
so billed some ont down. The dish kit
tie was kivered with long, jet black har
[ kept on experimenting, and by kemi-
kal kombernations, produced the Invig-
orator, purely vegetable and always
sure. [ have seventy thousand certifi-
kits from the bald headed of all coun-
tries, but will read you only a few:
BANGALL, June II.
Pref Quackem:-This may certify
that l have always been bald, and have
used up barrel of common hair dye
[ accidentally heard of your Invigerator,
and purchased bottle, and carried it
home in my overcoat pocket. The
pocket was full of hair when I got home
[ took the bottle and held it in the sun,
where the shadow fell on my head. A
thick head of chestnut colored hair grew
out in thirty minutes, by the watch, all
curlcd and perfumed. Send me twenty
bottles by return mail. The call for the
Invigerator is unprecedented. y neigh
Dor of mine-''
"Excuse us, Professor, to-day, and
call again -
'::Will dew it, sir. You'll find the
Invigcrator great on har r
Bg-An honest TIibernian, in recon-
mending a cow, said she would give
milk year after year, without having
calves, "because, said he, ''it runs in thu