Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes County, Ohio) 1856-1865, 1857-10-15
Wit and HuInOr.

| SOmeOOuy calls woman an INSTITUTION o.
whims! What a scandal.
IT'S false, as the girl said when her beau
told her she had beautiful hair.
Those damsals who admire matches
must be insincere in saying they dislike
hare lips.
How to get lady to show her foot
praise the foot of some one else.
The man who attempted to catch the
speakers eye with steel trap, was order
ed take the floor by the Sergeant at Arms.
She that marries man because he is a
"good match" must not be surprised if be
turns out to be 'tLucifer,"
When a Baltimore lady is kissed, she
says she is taking chloroform and remains
insensible as long as the operation lasts.
UNPLEAsANT-Afi first rate appetite and
nothing to eat. Quite as agreeable -plen-
ty 10 eat and no appetite.
An exchange paper says the most dig
nified, glorious and lovely work of nature
is woman=-the next, man-and thirdly
the Berkshire pig.
What is more beautiful and poetical
than the child's idea of ice-"Water gone
to Sleep"
An indirect way of getting glass of wa
ter at boarding house, is to call for a
third cup of tea,
A raw Irishman on his first sight of a
locomotive, declared, "it's a steamboat
hunting for wather,"
Law is like sieve you may see through
it, but you must be considerably reduced
before You can get through it.
There is great demand for a kind of
plaster paper, says our city correspondent,
that will enable gentlemen to stick to their
business.
By doing good with his money, man,
as it were, stamps the image of God upon
it, and makes it pass current for the mer-
chandise of heaven.
"Father," said cobbles's lad pegging
away at an old shoe, "they say that trout
bite good now." "Well, WE'LL" replied the
old gentleman, "you stick to your work,
and they won't bite you'll"
1t seems to us to be great moral ques-
ton whether men who have established a
reputation forinveterate lying have right,
in any given case, to tell the truth-the
only expedient by which they can deceive
their hearers. ..-.--.
Our own experience should teach US to
be exceedingly tolerant. We presume
that every man has differed, at various
times, from himself as much as he ever
differed at any one time from others.
The editor of the Georgia Enquirer as
sails our friend of the Philadelphia EnqHi-
rer for spelling the name of his paper with
an l. 1t seems pity that some folks can
not be at their E's without trying to knock
out other peoples Is.
Witty BUT WIcKED-A friend observes
that he always looks under the marriage
head for the news of the yeak.
An old bachelor, on seeing the words
Families Supplied" over the door of an
oyster saloon, stepped in and said he would
take wife and two children.
1t is said that Barnum is at present in
full chase after chap who helped his wife
at steamboat table in preference to anoth-
er lady who sat near him. He is consider
ed the greatest curiosity extant.
Did you ever hear of the wife that wrote
to her husband in California, and COM
menced her letter thus;
"Oh, tell me not that absence conquers
love! The longer you stay away the better
l like youI
A Western gent. at the St. Nicholas,
the other day, having taken possession Of
his room, locked it up to go out into the
city, and leaving the key at the bar, told
the clerk with great simplicity "not to
wait dinner for him."
A Chorister of a country church lately
made sad mistake in the choice of tune
there being a long star in it, which came
directly upon an unfortunate word, which
produced q startling effect, namely:
"With reverence let the saints appear
And bow-wow-wow before the Lord"
Lord Dorset writing to Lord Buckley
the morning after his marriage, thus ad
dressed him; .....
'.Dear Buckley am the happiest dog
alive.
DORSET"
To which he received the following la
comic reply:
"Dear Dorset--Every dog has his day,
BUCKLEY"
This was beat, however, by Rothschild
in writing to his Paris correspondent to as
certain if any alteration had occurred in
the price of certain stocks, The enquiry
was only simple
The reply was equally brief