Indiana American. [volume] (Brookville, Ind.) 1833-1861, 1857-10-23
Programme Of a Drunkard's Pro.
gress.
ny PETER THE HERMIT,
yrasr praaEE.


He possesses a particular par
TALLY for persons Of proiligate
proclivities, and prefers passing
his precious time in playing poker,
parading public promenades and
putting principles, producing and
promulgating pieces Of poetry,
prominent in any property but
pity, and procIaiming with an inn
perfect pronunciation, and with a
prodigious pitch of pulmonary
power, such popular passages, as
II won't go home till morning.
Till daylight doth appear"
SECOND DEGREE.
He now proceeds with a rapid
pace, down the plain approaching
the precipice of perdition. His
patrimony has passed into the
pockets Of penurious penny-mon-
gers, the proprietors Of places,
painted up and prepared on pur-
pose, where poison is peddled by
puppies, whose profession is to pop
porter corks, pander to perverse
appetites, prevent peace and plen-
ty, prohibit prosperity and pure
pleasure, provoke passion and pill
fering, push persons into the pen
itentiary, and to produce the very
greatest portion Of poverty and
penury possible. His apparel is
patched in plenty of places, and
his probiscus is as purple asprunes
in their prime. His peppers pre-
sent a plutonic prospect. He
spends every penny he can pro-
cure for poison TO pour down his
prostituted throat, to provoks his
FRUSTRATED apparatus to proceed,
while perhaps a partner and her
progeny are dependent upon him
for protection, and provisions to
prevent them from perishing -
While upon his peregrinations and
pedestrian expeditions from pillar
to post, (viz: from groceree to gro
ceri) he can't possibly preserve
the perpendicular position peculi-
ar to bipeds. and has to prop up
against posts. TO prevent his pros
tration on the pavement. He is
now perfectly prepared to proceed
with the last part of his peculiar
programme.
THIRD DECREE.
In the preceding part of bis pro-
gress, we perceive that he has
parted with purity, peace, pride,
politeness, property, plenty, pros
pcrity, placidity, precaution, a
proper respect for his person, the
prerogatiyes of a parental posi-
ton, the practice of prompt pay
ment, principles of piety, and all
pleasant prospects; and procured
in their place, profligacy pinching
poverty, public opProbrium, pros
cription, private piques, petulence,
pity from persons Of pure princi-
pies, pangs Of pain, a plentiful
portion of plaques, and a premo-
milton Of approaching the preci-
pice, and pitching into the pit Of
perdition. He is now pursued by
phantoms that present a peculiar
prospect to his perturbed powers
of perception. He proceeds from
place to place-they pursue him !;
he seeks protection in plenteous
portions Of prepared poison-they
prosecute him with more pertinac-
ity and perseverance; he is point
ed at by people as person pc.
sessed, and passes to a private
apartment, to prevent the practice
of their prying propensities, and
for protection from his prosecuting
phantoms-they are plentifully
present; he proceeds to put into
operation the practice Of physical
power upon his persecutors--they
approach his person in platoons,
and positively laugh at opposition.
He procures the professional pow
er of an experienced practitioner
to procure a stampede of the phan-
toms the prudent Paracelsus pro-
ceeds to pay particular respect to
the patients pulse, and pronoun-
ces him possessed of n powerful
fever, peculiar to mania-a- potu, and
prescribe plentiful portions of NOR
phene, with a parcel Of powder of
poison, and n pretty little pile of
pills, TO be procured at the apoth-
ecary, and puts out with presen-
timent that his patient will pres
emily proceed on his passage
~ "To that bourne,
From whence no traveller returns"
He pants with pain, and a pro-
fuse perspiration appears at every
pore. His power is perfectly
Frustrated, his pulse has paused,
he puts up a piieous appeal to
the Prince Of Peace, and passes
away forever. May God have
mercy on all such. CO.
PosrscRIpr.-We might have
prolonged the present piece, had
we been positive the printer had a
plenty Of Ps.-Crusader.
Going "Down Town." ~