Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-05-28
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HOW BEN PURTLEGoT HIS WIFE.

tie. He was red headed, and each hair
stood as if it cherished the supremest con-
tempt for its next neighbor. His face was
freckled as the most bespotted turkey egg.
His nose supported at the bridge, huge
bump, while the end turned viciously, to one
side. His mouth had every shape, but a
pretty shape His form was uncouth, as his
face was ugly. He was stoop-shouldered,
knock-kneed, fat-footed and. Well, he
was ugly The very climax of ugliness was
Ben Purtle-what was more strange still,
Ben had handsome, bouncing, blooming
wife-such as can only be grown upon a
country farm.
CHOW the Deuce" said I to Ben, one day
"did you ever get such wife, you uncouth,
misshapen, quintessence of monstrosity."
Ben was not at all offended by the imper-
thence of my question, and forthwith pro-
ceeded thus, to solve the mystery:
"Well, now gals what's sensible amt cotch
by none o your purity faces an hifalutin
airs I've seed that tried more AN once
You know Katy was alters considered the
purtiest gal in these parts, and all the young
fellers in the neighborhood used to try to
cotch her. Well 1 used to go over to old
Sammy's, too, jist to kinder look on, you
know, and cast sleeps eyes at Kate. But
Lord sakes 1 had no more thought could
get Kate than that Jerusalem cricket could
hide in the hair that wasn't on old Sammy's
bald head-no Stree. But still, l couldn't
help goin' an my heart would kinder autter,
and my ears would burn all over, whenever
I got to talk to Kate. And one day when Kate
sorter made fun of NE, like, it almost killed
me shore 1 went hume with somethiu' like
a rock jostlin' about in my breast, an swore
I'd hang myself with the fust plOw line I
found"
"Did you hang yourself?" I asked--"No,
daddy blazed out at me for not takin' old
BALTIC the pastur in the morning and scared
me so bad, forgot it."
$50 on" said I, seeing Ben pause with
apparent regret, that he had not executed
his VOW.
"Well, soon one Sunday morning, I reck,
on it was about year after that hangin'
scrape) I got up an scraped my face with
daddy's old razor, an put on my new cop
p'rus britches an new linS coat nanny
had dyed with sassafac bark, an other fix.
ems, an went over to uncle Sammy's. Now,
I'd got to lovin' Kate like all creation, but
I'd never cheaped to any body about my
feelins But knowed I was on the right
side of the old folks"
"Well now, aint it quar-" continued Ben,
after slight pause, during which he rolled
his quid toa more convenient place in his
mouth, chow a feller will feel some times
Somethin' seemed to say as I went along
"Ben Purtle this is great day for you, "
and then my heart jumped an fiuttered like
live jay bird in trap. And when got
thar, and seed Kate with her new checked,
hone-spun frock on, I rally thought should
take the blind staggers any how"
Ben paused again to brush the fog from
his eyes and then continued: "Well,
found the order of the day was to go musca'
dine hunting. Joe Sharp an histwo sisters,
and Jim Boles was thar. I'd knowed long
time that Joe Sharp was right after Kate
an l hated him wus than hungry hog hates
to find the way out of tater patch; but |
didn't let on. Sharp had on white britches
an fine shoes, and broadcloth coat, but every
body knowed he wasn't worth a red cent
He walked with Kate, and you ought to a
seen the airs he put on. 1t was Miss Katy
this and Miss Katy that, and all such quail,
ty nonsense After awhile, We came to O
slough whar he had to cross on log-Pd
great notion to pitch the sassy good fol
nuthin' into the water"
Why didn't you, asked, sympathisine
with the narrator.
"Stop, never mind" said Ben giving me
nudge. Providence done all that up brown
Nothin' would do, but Mr.. Sharp must lead
Miss Katy across first. He jumped on the
log in high glee, and took Kate's hand, and
off they put. Jist as they got half way a
cross, tarnation big bull frog jumped of
into the water-you know how they holler-
"snakew screamed the blasted fool, ane
jumped back, and knocked Kate off up tt
her waist in the nasty, black, muddy water
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