Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1857-10-08
THE DISGUISED LOVER.
BY KENT.


BY KENT
My friend Tom has natural affection for dirt
or rather dirt had natural affection for ON. =
1t is to him What gold was to Midias-whatever
he touches turns to dirt No matter how white
the crayat-no matter how immaculate the vest
the moment it comes within the sphere OF Iom $
influence, its whiteness is gone it is immacu'
late no longer Dogs, sweeps and lamp-iight-
ers never pass him without leaving upon his
dress unequivocal marks of their presence. -
Once, and only once, saw him cross the street
without encountering the wheels of carriage.
| opened my mouthto congratulate him, and be-
fore l could utter one word it was filled with
mud The careless blockhead lay at my feet,
full length in the gutter. AT my earnest solic-
itation he once purchased a suit of precisely
mud color 1t was capital idea. lie crossed
the street three times; he walked half mile land
returned, in appearance, at least, unscathed.-
The thing was unprecedented. True, he was
welcomed by the atfectionate caresses of dog
that had been enjoying the GOODNESS OF a neigh
boring horsepond true, he received shower
bath from the wheels OF an omnibus. But to
plaster mud on Toms new coat was ''to gid re-
fined gold-to paint the lilly"
''Tom will be a neat man yet, l said as wit
messed the success OF my plan.
In about half an hour it was my fate to meet
a gentleman with seven stripes of green paint on
his back--it was my friend Tom; he had been
leaning against some newly painted window
blinds.
His man Caesar declares that he ''can't see de
use OBJ brak a boot when he neber stay braked !;
and his washerwoman, with very proper re-
gard for her own reputation, has been compelled
to discard him, not from any illwill, but, as she
declared with upiftad hands, ''if any one should
ask me if | washed Mr.. Smiths clothes, what
could tell them 2" But there were very few
things in this world with which Tom could have
more easily dispensed, than the services of his
washerwoman.
wing no other amusement, one morning |
strolled over to Toms room. | assembled the
stairs, and heard his voice in very decided tone:
But 1t must be done, and so there's an end to
it,
"Realy," was the reply, anything within
the limits of possibility; but to make a coat in
ten hours-I will promise anythingin the world;
but really fear l shall be unable to perform"
Elf double price would be any object"
Certainly, sir, if you insist upon it--certain-
ly. viii put every man in my shop upon it
it shall be done in time. Good morning SIR
The door opened, and fellow with, shears
andmeasures passed What could Tom be DO
ing with a tailor?
Just the man wanted to see," exclaimed
Tom. i require your advice upon very inn
portant atfair-which of these cTaYats do you
think most becoming q
And he spread before me some half dozen, of
every hue and fashion
Now, what in the name of all that is wonder
full does this mean, Tom A fancy ball, is it {?
You have chosen an excellent Disguise your
nearest neighbor will never know you. But
you cannot support the character; if you had
taken that OF chimney-sweep, now-but that
would have been too natural. Tell me, Tom,
what does all this meant
Why, the fact is, Frank passing hand
through his hair, redolent of macassar, Il have
concluded-I think l shall be little more neat
in future. You doubtless remember the good
advice you gave me some time since; it has had
an excellent effect, assure you
Now it so happened that of all the good adj
vice | had given Tom, this was the very first in
stance in which he had seen fit to follow it, So
l could not attribute the metamorphosis of my
friend to my eloquence Who but woman ev-
er changed a sloven to fop
Pray, where are you going this evening l
continued. that you must have a new coat so
suddenly 2
Going Nowhere in particular. had in
deed, some idea of calling on my old friend, Mr..
Murray. No harm in that hope
Conviction began to flash upon me.
Your old friend Mr.. Murray. And his young
niece, Miss Julia, has no share in the visit l
suppose heard that she arrived in town last
night
me entirely. did not know that she was in
town last night-when THAT is, when II
did not know anything about it.
And so you were there last night, too Real
iy this is getting along bravely.'
why, the tacs is, Frank, YOU must know ev
erything. | called last evening to see Murray
on some business about the real estate you
know. | had no more idea of meeting a woman
than boa con strictior. My beard was three
n NV md fl,a, pr
in excellent keeping. became engaged in CON
versation and somehow or other | forgot all
about the real estate
And so you are going again to-night-and
that is the secret of your new coat =
By no means l wanted a new coat, and tail
ors are so long, you know Do you think blue
will become me Blue is her favorite-that is
i mean blue
oh, 60 on-don't stammer-blue is her favor
lite color, isn't it =
The fact is, Frank-take another glass of
this wine-the fact is-good wine isn't it! been
two voyages to the Indies-the fact, suppose
Il rather fancy-I am a little in love. Try
some of that sherry. What are the symptoms,
Frank-a queer feeling about the heart, and
something which drives the blood through one
ike lightning 2
Exactly 1 believe have seen Julia; short
and chubby, isn't she-with red hair, and a lit
tie squint eyed y
Frank, l never did knock you down, the /
have been tempted to do so a great many times;
but, if yon don't stop that nonsense, l will
Quite valiant in defence of your ladylove.-
Well, Tom, will confess that she is a lovely
girl, and tomorrow l will call and learn your
success. &c. good morning.
Well Tom, what success y
Would you believe it she did not recognize
me-
Not recognize you Z
No. You know what quiz that Murray is
AS soon as he saw me enter, dressed in such
style, he came up, shook hands with ME and
without giving me chance to say one word, in
PRODUCED me TO } ula as Mr. Friedrich Somebody
And would you believe it. the witch did not
know me. / think l should not forget her so ca
silly. Nor was that all. Murray said something
about the fellow who called there the previous
evening-a country cousin, he said clear enough,
but an incorrigible, sloven. And Julia said he
dressed like baTbarian-jGst think OF it. Frank,
a barbarian. She shall pay for that yet. Such
eyes-and she steps ike queen. We'll, Frank,
a clean collar does make vast difference in a
mans appearance. Lovely as Hebe herself
Terrible difference clean linen makes
The last time l saw Tom, he was Seeding his
eldest son for coming into the drawing-room
with muddy boots.
Every man that is capable of doing secret in
jury, IS coward.
AFrench proyerb, 'sThe noise Of the world
browns the thunder osGod.'
God is on the side of virtue; for he who breads
h..