Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-05-27
ms nature seemed the nature of
A Few Thoughts Upon Eating.

airy, 1OoO.
A Few Thoughts Upon Eating.
The liver acts upon the Iliip as the elements
act upon thermometer. A'happy man cannot
be conceived who does not possess q good d.
gestion, and good digestion almost every one
would enjoy, were it not for abominable mis-
management sort of Vandalic destruction Of
normal powers, which is equally wanton and
be considered, upon the whole, more healthfnl
than we are The reason is two.fold. First they
do not convert themselves into walking Chin
neys which as matter of duty must be contin-
ually filled with smoke and secondly, they do
not run against Time, striving to dispatch their
meals within the limited space of three minutes
and quarter. An American "table dh0te" is a
singular spectacle No sooner has that horrid
instrument which we owe to the diabolical in
! genuity of the Chinese ceased its ear splitting
notes than heterogeneous throng got all sizes and
ages, press forward zen massee," trampling on
each others toes, in order to procure eligible
seats near the favorite dishes Then, for an
instant all is silent, and you begin to think it is
possible that you have mistaken your men. and
that You may be notwithstanding that dreadful
rush, or "coup de main'0 among reasonable
creatures. Dub tuO NSiy uSAp N'S
| pels the Illusion The covers are abstracted.and
then what terrible onslaught upon "fsh flesh
and fowl" The soup being FUSED up" at gulp
and whole plates of vegetables disposed OF as
mere "6agatelles," an attack commences upon
the heavier vands, which is likewise successful
and ends in their too, dissolving like the base
less fabric of vision" Great sepulchral mouths
close upon whatever is conveyed thither with
remorseess rapidity, which leaves no time for
mastication, and just second for degluti-
ton. Bread is consumed by the half loaf. and
meat by the cubic foot. AS for these tritles
styled side dishes they pass away by tegerde-
main, which we have never been able to detect,
but which is equally successful and adroit.-
Such microscopic appurtenances as pickles, and
the other ct ceteras of a feast, appear to merge,
of their own accord into the material OF the
weightier vands, as asteroids will finally merge
into the sum- A minute serves for the first
course-a minute for the secondhand, occasion
ally, when business is not particularly urgent, a
minute and quarter is given to the third
Thus, the average meal time is accomplshed,a and
the scores of satisfied diners, having gorged
themselves after the manner of the crocodile, and
succeeded in materially increasing their ordina-
ry weight, stroll away with facility which is
ItSlOulsIlIlH, lHS dluOuul VI iudttSi
that they have swallowed whole and which ia
ken in that condition, even the anaconda cannot
digest properly under week. But when we
consider that these persons repeat, with but
Slight modification, the operation we have de-
scribed three times day, it becomes q matter
of melancholy reflection and grave solicitude.-
How mapy years of lite are cut off by system
like this, it would be difficult to determine nor
is ii worth the while (aDd we do not intend to
advance any inhuman proposition,) men who
are such savages as to gormandize thus, deserve
to be taken to another and-a more fruitful
world.
And yet we moderns (Amercans especially
pretend to ridicule the ceg ant epicurism of the
ancients, Chose imaginative and refined individ-
uals,) whose most sensual delights had some
thing of sentiment mingled with them. Instead
of huge surloins OF half roasted beef, tough NUT
ton, and greasy fragments of the Jews abomi-
nation, the articles most in request among the
Romans, and which never failed to constitute
the ''caena." of the wealthy, were according to
| Varro-"the peacock from Sanos, the Phrygian
turkey, cranes from Melos, Ambracian kids, the
Tartestan mullet, trouts from Persenumtium,
Tarntine, oysters, crabs from Chios, Tatian
nuts, Egyptian dates, and lberian chestnuts. =
There reader think of that! and reflect, be-
! sides, that all these dainties Were scrved upon
plates of gold, and i'll chambers where the per
| fumed air" stole around the statues OF gold, and
rustled the roses upon the brows of the ban
queters And in the pauses of the feast music
from soft lutes" stole in from some unseen re-
cess, and lulled the senses to an Elysian quiet.
best suited to contemplation-and DIGESTION
All the "latter day. Ronans,n losing the stern
virtues of their ancestors, gained profound
knowledge and appreciation of all the mysteries
of the .'cuisiae," and when We've, the barba-
raus of the present age, sneer at what we term
their sumptuous ostentation, we only expose our
own ignorance and blindness, to the fascinating
philosophy of one of the "Fine Arts"
But says the modern gourmand despite those
''soft lutes," sweet roses, "perfumed air." and
golden plate, Julius Cesar ate, at meal, the
revenue of several provinces. Vitelius made
tour great meals day. Nero sat at table from
midday till midnight. Geta had an incredible
number of dishes served up to him in alphabet
cal order; and the emperor Heliogabaus pos
sessed the "insanest stomach" of any man lex
cept Pope Julius lid who ever "lived to eat. y
True undeniably true but all we desire to con-
vey is-that if persons will gormandize thus fe
rociously, let them, at least, use some discrmi
nation. and not eat themselves IN the grave at
TWENTY-FIVE by mnging edibles, most gross,
most heavy and most indigestible, devoured at
ter the manner of swine, and selected after the
manner of South Sea Islanders at the annual
celebration in honor of their Enthusiastically Is
Magazine.
M1oueAy PoErRY.-No one who reads the
following, says the Home Journal, can deny that
the Wolverines have a POLK in their midst. The
Adrian Watchtower has been favored with q
poem entitled "The Souls Last Sight, which
contains the history of a young lady who be-
came enamored of a certain John Smith, who