South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1857-05-08
AUNT HANNAH rR1PE IN COURT.

court? Ones about the same as tother
There amt but preshus little to choose a.
tween tho two, any how you can fix it. II
one you have to be asked a powerful site
of impudent questions, and in t'other vol
have to ask the questions yerself. So there
amt much difference in 'em, and if you
try both, you'll say just as do.
About the matter of two years ago, John
Smiths COW broke into Sam Jones' field
and marched just as straight as her four
legs could carry her right into his turnip
patch, and eat two turnips, tops and all
Jones he seed her, and sot his yellow DOG
on her, and the dog (hc's a savage critter,
bit hole through the skin of her hind leg,
and got his brains kicked out to pay for It.
so fur Jones and Smith were square. but
there was them turnips-Jones vowed he
wouldn't plant turnips for we'll, able
bodied mans cow to eat up, and said il
Smith didn't walk right over to his house
and settle the damage. he'd prosecute him
with writ. Smith is daredevil sort of
fellow and he told him to come on ISe
warn't Altered on him.
AS it happened, I was out agoin' to the
Conferens mectin' when the COW iumped
into the field, 80 seed the hull performers.
Jones he seed me, and knowed that seed
the scrape, so he jist gin me little kind
Of scrip of blue paper, with sumthin' writ
ortul scrawlin' on it. Cicero read it, and
laffed enough to kill himself.
What upon airth is it, Cicero . sez 7.
1T amt luv letter, is it ? sez l, for old
Deacon Dame (who had lost his wife a year
afore,) looked orful sharp at me the day
afore, to afternoon meetin'
mo, it amt luv letter. sez he, but a
courtin' letter from Sam jones'
a courtin' letter from Sam Jones p scz
L, why, Sam Jones is q married man with
ten children and baby! What does be
want Of more family, I wonder p
He don't want any more family as
knows Off, sez Cicero. but he wants you to
60 to the Falls next Thursday to court, and
tell what you seed John Smiths brindle
COW do in his turnip field
-, my gracious massy" scz I, half
skccred at the idea of goin' to court. L
can't go-it's my ironing day. and ought
to mako my apple sass that day, too.
can't go-you just 60 over and tell nabor
Jones that I'd be glad to oblege him, but
can't without deal of Inconvenience
But, marm,' sez Cicero, foldin' up the
paper, this is sheriff's or lawyers sum-
mons, writ out nf n -hiq laM book and .por']l
-nitl.Nr have to go or be kcrrled to jail
That's the way they sarvc folks who don't
mind the law
To Jail? Hannah Tripe, to jailp sez T,
as indignant rs could be; 'I'll larn 'em
better works than to kerry an innocent
woman to Jail. Plllsy the broomstick over
'em if they come near me-
It's no use talkin', marm,' says Cicero.
You'll have to 60, and you ght as we'll
be consigned to the leyees Of unaltorable
fate The laws of your country must be
minded The glorious country that the
Pilgrim Fathers fit and bled for! You must
respect her commands p And Cicero riz
hisself, and sot up his eyes and hands, jest
as I've seen Parson Scrapcwell do when
he's giving out the malcdiction.
Well, I thought the matter over and
concluded Id better 60 to court; 80 I
ironed Tuesday, and made my apple sass
Wednesday. Thursday, nabor Jones come
over airly, and took me into his smart new
buggy to kerry me to the Falls. We had
a site of talk about the COW and tho dog
and the turnips while we was agoin', and
by the time we'd drove up to the court
room, Jones had made up his mind that
he'd beut Smith for sartin.
l went into the great square room lcc-
tie frustrated, I'll own for there was tho
slightest Of folks there, blue eyes, gray
eyes, green eyes, black eyes, all fxt on
Jones and l as we marched up in front of
the judge.
Good mornin' Squire sez I, bowing to
a. little, old, dried-up nosed feller with a
yaller wig on. I hope your honorable
health Is good =
Keep quiet, Mrs. Tripe,' sez nabor Jones
snudging my elbow, it amt proper to speak
TO his honor, 'thout he asks questions
Z They took me to little platform built
Upon one side of the room, and sed might
O Dit down if I was mind to-so down sot.
my goodness what funny actions they did
have! Talkin' all sorts Of langwidges that
{ }obody on airth could understand, all mix
,irH up with constitutions revised statutes
,sd Evil laws and nobody knows what, I de-
% are | actilly thought one spell, that I'd
uaI Zen kerried clean back ages and ages, tc
ve time when folks talked in Hebrew and
me- $ispered in Paddy
!, foYByme-by, arter I'd begun TO feel hungry
iuaN want my dinner, tall, scraggy man
to green specs on his nose, riz up and
absS he:
in Mrs. Hannah Tripe, stand up in you,
ks;
wors Lord = sez I, you don't want me to climl
d mn q cheer afore all these folks, do ye ?
,ich fNo want none of your low jests here,
olute be, coloring up till he looked like ret
Ii Daael night gown; rise up and stand "
ratherI yes,' sez I, I'D as lief git up as no
,e Lot my back begins to ache, I've set s.
Iuity.", So l hisctcd up, and looked roun'
! Minoie ordincncc.
=. ,iise your right hand sez the tall mai
just, bnly.
in theryou'vc no objections SCI I, I'D ra
raole a1dstc up my left one ; my right glov
az ie watt a ssarin big holo right on the palr