American union. [volume] (Morgantown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1855-1859, 1857-09-04

-, row) i,Ig..lI
To the stuckup,sI whose party, you know, is to-
morrowp'
The fair Flora looked up with pitiful air. - e
And answered quite promptly, "Why, Harry,
should like above all things to be with you there;
But really and truly I've NOTHING TO WEAR"
"Nothing TO wear Go just rs you are; rts,3
Wear the dress you have on, and you'll be by far,
engage, the most bright and particular star
On the Stuckhp horizon ] stopped, for her eye,
Notwithstanding this delicate onset Of flattery,
Opened on me at once most terrible battery,
or scorn and amaZement. Size made no reply,
But gave n slight turnto the end of her nose
(That pure Grccian featurc) asmuch rs to say,
'Ilow absurd that any sane man should suppose,
That lady would go to n ball in the clothes,
No matter how fine, that she wears every day!'
So vsninred ssn, again, 'wear your crimson bro
(second turn up of nosc;) ''rhats too dark by a
'Your blue silk That's too heayy;1' as5ae
'Your pink" "Thats too light"
"Wcar tulle over satin;'' az cant endure white"
"Your rose-colored, then, the best of the batch"
~ haven't a thread of goint lace to match" ~
~ our brown moirc antique" eyes aud look
like a Qmker;"
"The pearl-colored?' ~ would, but that plaguey
dress-makcr S3g'!
Has had it week. ''Then that exquisite lilac,
In WHICH you would melt the bcartcf Shylock."
(liere the nose took again the same elevation.) J
u wouldn't wear that for the whole of creation"
"Why non IT'S my faiicy; there's nothing could
strike il
As more CONNIE il fam." 'Ycs, but dear me,
'S6phronia Stuckup has got orc Just Iikeit, q
And wont appear dressed like chit of sixteen"
''Ihen thst splendid purple that sweet mazarinc;
That superb point d'aiguille, thatimperial green;
In tor th..N
mot one of all which is fiji to be seem
Said the laay becoming excited and flushed. =,
Then wear exclaimed, in . tone which quite
Opposition, ithat gorgeous toilette which you
:, Spprted a@Tsa 500 tu = Fh
in Paris last, spring ats the grand presentation,
When you quite turned the head of the head of
the nation
And by all the grand court were so very much
courted' II .. a.f..HHag s..t'nH Hll.
The end of the nose was portentiously tipped
. up, r-s -. Va. 49,. .-
And both the bright eyes shot forth Indignation
AS she burst upon me with the fierce exclamation
81 have worn it three times at the least calcula-
ton,
And that and the most Of my dresses are rip
Here ripped outsomething, perhaps rather RASH
Qaite innocent though; but, to use an express
sion sl y. - t
More striking than classic, Ii rssttled my hash,
And proved very soon the last act of our session.
t'Fiddlesticks, is it, sir? | wonder the ceiling
Don't fall down and crush you--oh, you men
have no feeling, 'i "N'' VT "a
You selfish, unnatural, illiberal creatures, Y"
Who set yourselves up as patterns and preachers.
Your silly pretence-why what mere guess it is!
Pray, what do you know of q woman's necessi-
| have told you and shown you I've nothing TO
wear,
And it's perfectly plain you not only don't care,
But you do not believe me-" (here the nose went
still highcr.)
~ suppose if you' dared you you'll call me liar
Our engagements ended, sir--yes on the spot .
cure brute and n monster, nnd--I don't know
what" 't' ''T
! mildly suggested the words, Hotten;ot. , at.
tickpocket, and cannibal, Tartar, and thief,
As gentle impletives which might give relief.
But this only proved as spark to the powder,
,, And the storm had raised came faster mud lou-
=, der; ;, 't ,N T>'N ~
1t blew, and II rained, thundcred, lightened, and
. hailed III. 80 ~ '''' ~.
Intcroetig0qg, verbs, prcnouns till language quite
10 express the abusive, ane then its arrears
were brought up all at once by torrent of teats.
And my last faint dcspairing atteiipt at obs
Ervation was lost in d tempest of 6obs.
Well, felt for the lady and felt for nv hat foo
lmproviscd on the crown of the lattor n tattoo ,
In lieu OF expressing the feelings which Law :
Quite too deep for words, as Wordsworth would
saw; - H 1TT' '''Nf
THEFT, without going through the form II os how
Found myself in the entry--I hardly knew how
On doorstep and sidewalk, past iamp-post and
square, u, IN
AT home and up stairs, in my own easy chair
Poked my feet into slippers, my fire into blaze,
And said to myself as lit my cigar.
Supposing a man had the wealth of The Car r
Of the Russias to boot for the rest of his days,
On the whole, do you think he would have much
to spare
If he married a woman who had nothing to ,vearr
Since that night. taking pains that it should not
Abroad in society, I'VE instituted saH b
a course of inquiry, extensive and thorough,
or this Vital subject and find, to my horror .
lhat the fair Flora's case is by no means surpr-
But that there exists the greatest distress en
In our female community, solely arising
From this unsupplied destitution of dress
Whose unfortunate victims are filling the air
With the pitiful wall of "nohiny 10 soear." f
Researches in some of the 'Upper Ten'' districts
Reveal the most painful and startling statistics,
or which let me mention only few:
In one single house, on the Fifth avenue,
Three young ladies were found, all below twenty
two ,.fNt..s st! I.t' +.
Who have been three whole weeks without any
In the way of founced silks, and thus, left in tho
lurch,
Are unable TO go to bail, concert, or church.
| In another large mansion near the same place
Was found n deplorabe, heart-rending case
OF entire destitntion Of Brussels point lace ~
In neighboring block there was found in three
calls, Gs5..s
Total want long continued, Of camels hair
shawls
AND And suffering family whose case exhibits
dhe most pressing need Of real ermine tppets;
one deserving young lady almost unable
10 survive for the want of new Russian sable;
ANOTHER confined to the house when It's windier
Than usual, because her shawl isn't India +..
Still another whose tortures have been most ter
rife
Ever since the sad loss Of the steamer Pacific
IN which were engulfcd, not friend nor relation,