The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1857-11-13

~ -i'NHA- ftog oiS nv ScOiAc 1OSl
here sometimes?'
Lost No sir, never knew any BODY LOST
here in all my life. There have been several
drowned, but they were all found again.
TIf you don't want woman 10 90 astray.
the sooner you provide her with baby the
better. blue eyed boy will do more towards
keeping Mrs. Gadder's morals sweet, than all
the sermons that were ever preached-Fanny
Fern
UGeoTge, you are looking very smiling
what has happened?'
'The most delightful thing. caught nv
Jenny by surprise, this morning in her wrap
per, and without hoops, and / got the FIRST kiss
I've had since whalebone skirts came into
fashion,
EDeacon l., ofMaine, speaking the
other day of his earlier days remarked that al
though he was boy when the American Revo-
Luton commenced, yet be remembered all about
it-having received his information from his
father, who kept the run of public affairs, being
a warm libertine.'
Co yMusselman writers speak of an ignorant
Arab, who, being asked how he knew any,
thing about the existence of God, replied =
'JuSt as [ know, by the tracks in the sand,
whether man or beast has passed there, SO,
when survey the heaven, with its bright stars,
and the earth, with its productions, do feel the
existence and power of God.'
10 Brudder Bones, can you tell me the differ
ence tween dying and dieting?
Why, OBJ course kin, Samuel. When you
diet you lib on muffin, and when you die you
hab muffin to lib on.
Well, dat's diffunt from wot tort it was -
tort It was a race atween de doctrin' stuff and
starvation, to see wich I'D kill iust
G"How do you know that the plaintiff
was intoxicated, on the evening referred to o.
said country court judge to the witness on the
stand.
'Because saw him, a few minutes after
supper, trying to pull off his trousers with
boot-jack.''
Verdict for the defendant.
GA gentleman hearing lady prasing the
eyes of certain prominent clergyman, wrote
the following
l cannot praise the doctors eyes,
never saw his glance divine,
For when he prays he shuts his eyes,
And when heprsachss lie shuts mine
U"Why is it." asked Frenchman of
Switzer, "that you Swiss always fight for money
while We French only fight for honor ~ 81
suppose said the Switzer, s'that each fight for
what they most lack"
T"Father, are there any boys in Congress7''
ssNo, my son-why do you ask that question ,"
ssBecause the papers said the other day that the
members kicked Mr.. Browns Bill out OF the
house."
UAn independent man is one who blacks
his own boots and shoes, who can live without
whiskey and tobacco, and shave himself with
brown soap and cold water, without mirror,
says knowing contemporary.
LEAKY RooFs.-A correspondent says
Four pounds of rosin, one pint OF linseed oil,
Thoroughly mixed and applied with brush, while
hot, will effectually stop leaks by the sides OF
chimneys, skylights, or where an L or wing is
joined to the end of house.
1gA LITTLE AIR.-"Yop need little sun
and air." said physician TO maiden patient.
"If l do," was the cute reply, "I'll wait till /
get married" Bolus looked thoughtful and
thought it was best.
1E"Have you ssBlasted Hopes?'' asked
lady of green librarian, whose face was much
swollen by the toothache. "No, ma'am; bnt /
have blasted toothache."
20 Diogenes, being asked OF what beast The
bite was most dangerous, answered, "Of Wild
beast, that of slanderer; of tame, that Of
fatterer."
0|A young boarding-school miss being
asked why the noun bachelor was singular, re-
piled 'because it's very singular they don't get
married ="
TThe Turks have proverb, that che
devil tempts other men, but idle men tempt the
DEVIL
TThe world is made of atoms, eternity Of
1F"Sally, what time do your folks dine 2,
s.Soon as you 60 away-that was Missus or
ders 7"
1z-Why is donkey like an Illinois corn
6elda Because he's some on ears.
grComan, the dramatst, was asked il be
knew Theodore Hook. EYES," replied the wit,
seHook and eye are old associates"