Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1857-02-05
Hoops.

z.zG r Hoops.
(Now young men, stand up here and take
a regular csudling. All you who jeer. laugh
and sueer, at the beauties of rotund hoop.
dom-you who deservs it, p.ncs under the
just scathing, by Miss MArrY Moss, in .he
CITY Items who thus cauterizes, with hel
sharp steel pen, the smoking boobies who
are not permitted to come within 'gunshot
of respectable hoo3s,)
HOOPS.
why don't some one write chapter on
hcops!' Yes, why don't they! 1t would be
strange, indeed, should woman be left to the
enjoyment of this, or any great blessing
without the eternal annoy inc Of me ddele'
some tongues and pens. Strange if any
attmpt TO doff or improve the much-com.
plained-of 'draggle-skirt'-any effort to re-
cover her freedom from tyrant CUSTOM
should be otherwise than ridiculad by her
'superiors.' Strange, if taking the eternal.
ly sratuitous advice of The opposite sex, she
should venture an improvement in costume
or attempt to shield herself from the evils Of
her very Objectionable attire, without offer
ing for every meddlesome scribbler sub
ject for attack and rididule.
Where's Punch! Where's Thackeray
Where's Beechcr. Where are the count
less host of satellites that go to make up So
lar system Of ink and gas! Strange that a
sk6ject SO round and full of interest to the
race has not already suggested itselfto such
wakeiul minds as worthy their prowess.
Strange that some more daring 'fogy' OF
the pulpit has not ere this pitched into the
hoop, as the long-looked-for 'Aniichrist.'-
Now that Politics in the pulpit is denied by
the secular press,it would prove, doubtless,
a most abortlye subject Of comment and con-
demnation. What trhrongs would flock to
hear exclaimed by learnd lips the gospel on
hoops! Cannot we have sermon on hoops!
Yes, ridicule them,poor ,houghtless boob
les, and in your heart admire them as a
most glorious invention. Profane them with
your tongue, and worship them with the
eye; whisper beautifully Ito self as their
lovely owner passes, and admiringly pursue
her with fixed gaze, until distance again
restores your reason-and then trudge home
ward muttering to all you meet, Hoops!
disgusting hoops!'
We remember we'll how you teased her
-tormented her, ridiculed her, lectured her
and with preacher parlance warned her
of.trails.' Z,unds! how insulting!-' Lady
Scasengers, 'Drngsle Tails and host of
other cutting epithets! o well We remem-
Der it all! And when, forsooth, a noble lit
tie Spartan band from our abused sister,
hood dared to beat back the armed hosts of
this despotic Xerxes, and appear in short
clothes, yes, in the pretty and much admir-
ed attire of brave Mrs. Bioomer, how your
ridicule increased, how your Indignation
waxed hot--how every senseless scribber
and homeless lecturer yelped out curses up
on the sindelicate innovation!' how you car
featured her in every shop window, and up
on every groggery wall! how Jou laughed
to scorn-insuled her in pubic--how you
litteral.y shamed her out of the first sub
s,antial dawning o: delverance to her i'm
prisoned limbs! We can furgive, but can.
not forget.
Hoops, in moderation, are blessing. We
challenge the combined army Of w ,man's
malignant foes, to show otherwise. Imper-
tinent meddlersl what do you of such thingsi
Nothing. There's the glove; take it up who
dare! Did you write and talk more Tor our
benefit and less for 'buncome'-dId you seek
10 iRslsnct, rather than, clown-like, TO a.
muse the low life of the pit-you would con-
cult some fair victim to fashion, and lear
of her bow. through the bessi gs Of hoops
she has been fortified against the severest
assaults of Summer; yes with the thermom-
eter al IS in the shade. Thanks to hoops,
women have now some satisfaction in walk
ing even in the hottest Of season!
Gilman! how !i,tle you know o. womun's
trials. No burden of shirts to smother and
"trip you at every step: no ridiculous Gus
toms to conform to, as constant tax upoE
your freedom: free to come and 60 when and
where you like, and without danger of sur
castle comment, rdicLle, or appearance Of
imprudence; capable of quick transition
from the appearance oil a beggar to gen.
tleman, simply by \ change of linen, and
little polish paste; ready at moments war
ming, to answer to thy scu rs highest salts
tactic the utmost demand fer recreation
and pleasure. No baby to tax your patience;
no worrying children to renovate and dress,
all with your owns hands; no little shoes to
hunt up from under the dark bureaus; no
Curles to entangle and adjust; no house du-
ties to care for; no thousund-and-one little
du.ieS to per.orm-to tire you out, and unfit
you for your journey. What do You know
about such things!
l would just like to oe supreme ruler for
one year. Would'n;I unpantaloon you!
wouldn't skirt you to your hearts content!
wouldn't | give you enough of woman's ex-
perience to last you throughout eternity,
wouldn't l make you 60 down upon your
marrow bones and pray TO the god of Bloom.
er and of Hoops to save you! That would.
Life Illustrated.