Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1857-10-03
Cousin Sally billiard,
BY HAMILTON G. jones.

Cousin Sally billiard, Captain Rice anu
Co. we're again brought to the memory o.
the public. They deserve to be reproduced
every few years. Especially will they kee +
our friends in good humor with themselves
for at least a week after the reading
Scene--A Court Of Justice in North Caro-
Ina.
A beardless disciple Of Themis rises and
thus addresses the Court: MAY it please
your worships, and you, gentlemen of the
jury, since it has been my fortune good OF
bud | will not say to exercise myself in lie.
gal disquisitions, it has never befalien me
10 be obliged to prosecute SO direful, mark.
ed. and malicious an assault. A more will
full, violent, dangerous battery, and finally
more diabolieal breach of the peace has
seldom happened in civilized country. and
dare say it has seldom been your duty to
pass upon one so shocking to benevolent
feelings as this which took place at Captain
Rice's in this county But you will hear
from the witnesses
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
we're examined and deposed. One said that
he heard the noise and did not see tho fight,
another that he seen the row but didn't
know who struck first, and a third that be
was very drunk and aouldn'. say much a.
bou. the skrimage
La.0yss Chaps am sosry, gentlemen,
to have occupied your time with the stupid
ity ofthe witness examined 1t arises gen
tlemen, altogether from misapprchension
On my part. Had I known, as I now do,
tina. had witness in attendance who was
wsll acquainted with all the circumstances
of the case, and who was able to make him.
self clearly understood by the court and iu.
ry, l should not SO long have trespassed up
on your time aud patience Come forward
Dir. Harris and be sworn
So forward comes the witness. fat snuff
fy old man, a "lee.leo corned, and took his
oath with an air.
Chops--Harris, We wish you to tell all
about the riot that happened the other day
at Captain Rice's. and, as a good deal of
time has already been wasted in circumlo-
cution, VIC wish you to be compondious, and
a. the same time as explicit az possible.
Enthusiastically, giving the lawyer
knowing wink and at the same time clear
ing his throat.) Captain Rice he gin
treat, and cousin Sally DillarA she come
over to our house and axed NE II MY wife
she mount 60? told cousin Sally Dill
lard that my wife was poorly, being as how
she had touch of the rheumatics in the hip
and the big swamp was up, for there had
been heap of rain lately, but, howsomev-
er, az it was she, cousin Sally billiard, my
wife she mout 60. Well, cousin Sally Dill
lard. then axed ME if Nose he mount go?
I told cousin Sally billiard that he was the
foreman ofthe crap, and the crap was smart
II IN the grass; but, howsomsoever as it
9as she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose he mout
GO
Chlps--In Tue name Of common sense,
Mr. Harris, what do you mean hy this rig
ynarole?
Witaess-Capsain Rice he gin treat,
and cousin Sally billiard she came over to
oar house and axed HE if my wife she
lnoutn't go? | told cousin Sally Dillard---
Cl.eps-Stop, sirif you please We don't
want TO hear any thing about your cousin
Sally billiard aud your wife, tell us about
the Eight at Rice's.
N'itness--Wel! will. sir. if you will let
me.
Chops-Well, sir 60 on.
Witaess Well, sir, Captain Rice be gin
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come
over to our house and axed me if my wife
she mount go
Chops There it is again. Witness
please to stop.
Witness Well, sir what do you want?
Chops-We want to know about the fight,
and you must not proceed in this imperti-
men, story, Do You know anything about
III O vne+4ar Iafnra tho eaurt
Hitaess--To be sure do
Chops--Well, you GO on and tell&it. and
nothing else.
IWtaess--Well, Captain Rice he gin
treat
Chops-This is intolerable. May it
please the Court, move that this witness
be committed for contempt he seems to
b. trifing with this Court.
Court Witness, you are before Court
Of justice, and unless You behave yourself
in more becoming manner you will be
sent to Jail so begin and tell what you
know about the fight at Captain Rice's.
IN'tness. - alarmed We'll, gentlemen,
Captain Rice he gin treat, and cousin Sal
" Dillard---
Chops-I hope the witness may be order
ed into custody.
C9,.H, (afer deliberating) MIR. Attor-
ney, the Court is of the opinion that we
RAY save tiue By letting the witaess go on
in his own way Proceed, Mr.. Harris,
with your story, but stick to the point.
W,taess Yes, gentlemen. Well, Cap
tain Rice he Gin treat, aud cousin Sally
Billiard she como over to our house and AK
cd u,e if my wife she mount 60 1! | told con
6 n Sally Billiard that my wife she was
poorly. being as how she has the rheumat-
.cs in the hip and the big swamp was up;
but, howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sal
y billiard, my wife she mout GO Well,
cousin Sally billiard then axcd meif Nose
he moutnt go. ! told cousin Sally billiard
as how Nose he was the foreman ofthe crap,
and the crap was slnartly in the grass but,
howsomeyef, as it was she. cousin Sally
Billiard, Nose he mout go. Sc they goes
On together, Nose, my wife, and cousin Sal
Is Dillard, and they come to the big swamp,
and it was up as | was telling you but be-
ing as how there vas q loo across the big
swamp, coansin Sally fDillard and Nose,
like genteel folks, they walked the log, but
nv wife heieted her coats and wadcd