The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-10-31

protested against the purchase AZ & piece of
extravag&nce; asserting hat the
patent Jack was no better than the one he
had, which rs m1nafaetdfsd " himself out
Z white pine back log! Silas' foot was
of your Chinese dairs, bntreg-out.and
outer Of Behemoth-6fteen by boots No. Is
Aad hoot,jaek No back log!
ing, and retorted bitterly and the war Of
words ran high. At length Silas, who had
been reading the proceedings OF Congress,
challenged Jonas to fight . duel, and threat
cned to call him ssBoot-jack Whitcomb' for
ever, and thrash him IN the bargain if he
r6fhss& . 6xhts Jonas thoaeht the matter
over, and alter due elaboration, concluded
he had rather be shot than be dubbed
knight Of the Doot-jack. Soa meeting wa
agreed upon, TO take place the following
dsy, in Deacon Reeds txter patch, being
somewhat removed from the highway, and
therefore. favorable for the transaction. Of
al aaAir most peremptoriiy forbidden BY the
laws Of our State.
The weapons were to be the bellgerents'
own guns, two very curious and original ar
ticles by the way, which, without doubt,
dated back 20 Tho dayso Of Tubal Cain. They
were to hare NO seconds, FOR fear OF betray-
al, and afterward a term Of years in the
Graystone palace Of Concord.
The preliminaries being arranged, both
parties went home to prepare themselves
for the very comfortable prospect OF q
breakfast Of lead bulletss on the ensuing
Somehow, Mrs. Whitcomb "got wind'' of
the business, and she (being a woman Of
spirit) called immediately on Mrs. Jones and
revealed all. a5sz. aasss
Mrs. Jones was a church member, in good
standing with tho brethrer-and sisters, and,
Of course, shefelt drsadfully at the idea Of
being the wife Of a duelist! So the two
women Put their heads together. and be-
tween them quite a little plot was concocted
almost equal to the g~unpowder plot cele-
brated in English history.
1t was proposed that each lady should
empty the contents Of her husband powder
horn into the river, and substitute black
sand for the powder. This was accordingly
done, after which they waited the result Of
the noEaipg's r~encounter with anxious
hearts.
Nine O'Clock found the combatants upon
Deacon Reeds later lot, each with his pow
der horn upon his shoulder, and his gun in
his hand. The distance was measured of
the two men solemnly shook hands and
then respectively assumed their positions
At the r~reconcerted signal each raised his
weapon to his shoulder, and-tried to fire.
But the obstinate things would't go off,
Jonas gave q hearty tug at his shooting iron,
but it only snapped sulkily, ~ much as to
say it would do as it had . mind to, and no
thanks to any body. .L"Az ~ 2
Silas' gun was Of the same opinion, and
the mems chances Of being shot seemed
rather dubious. Jonas, after a little while,
got irritated, and, squatting down down on
the ground he pounded the barrel for If
teen minutes or so, with a sharp rock, but
without producing any effect worth men
tioning. Then Jonas rose up, and dinging
tho gun as far as he could over the hedge
he cried out spitefully: s sg /
sDamnation seize the thing! l wish it was
in Flanders!' -+'sA~
Il wish mine was there too,' cried Silas,
examining his artillery, and finding nothing
satisfactorily about it, he tossed it after 30.
20 Then. both men looked at each other, in
dismay.
what shall we do?' exclaimed Silas.
Il don't know returned Jonas, unless
we take fists for it, ..l.. .
But | can't fight so, Pve got an awful
felon on my right fore6nger, and that'l be
in the way. If +~r. ..g. ~-0
well then suppose we KICK it out?"
'I'm sorry | can't accommodate you, but
INV feet arc covered with corns hat it's
impossible; III BIrE with yc; that's the best
CAN do
Il should be glad to bite, but the truth is
my front teeth are all false ones-cost fifty
dollsrs-and | kinder don't like to Spite sem.
'Whst SHALL we do?' asked Silas in des-
pair.
Let's cit down here on this long and con-
slider the matter; Pm tired.' The men sat
down on the two extreme ends of the log,
and eyed each other in silence. At length
Silas arose.gF5 g& TgaTE
sLook here neighbor Whitcomb, what if
We should make up? hadn't any business
to say anything about your bootTjack, and
Pm sorry I did,
Whitcomb sprang to his feet aud grasped
Silas' hand. gan-yg r
Don,t say q word about II, neighbor Jo-
mas, it's l only l that's to blame. l ought
to been ashamed to have got put out at 50
small = thing; it was nothing but the truth,
either. LA your forgiveness
'No, neighbor Whitcomb, it's l that should
ask your forgiveness, Pm the only one that's
to blame, and l feel .z.s a,
MY dear friend, Ibeg leave to assure you
that it is l, not you, that is in error, and
4 tell you Whitcomb, tis NO such a thing.
It's my fault; aud l am 20 ashamed that
could
Il am one that ought to creep in the
hollow log, and stay there till | learn better
than to treat a good neighbor in such a
shameful way. I'd no business to get mad
with you for
YES, you did, too! You did just right
Just as any Christian man would have done,
and, now, a it's my fault
1T amt SO! tell yon that I'm the one
that's to blame. It's all my ungovernable
temper. l've got the usliest temper of any
man in Wheatwold.'
why, neighbor Whitcomb, your temper
can't hold q candle to mine! l was alters
called the quarrelsomest boy in school, and
you know il. So it's me, and not you, that
ought to apologize .e.a.r a..
it's false! And if you don't stop con-
tradicting me, Ill let you know I've got a
: temper worth having; I'd just leave tight
about tempcrs 5 boot-jacks.' Whitcomb
was getting slightly exasperated.
$50 had l cried neighbor Jonas, and at it
they went; pulling, striking, kicking, cutting,
and biting. Feions, false teeth and corns,
were forgotten, aud there was = general
knock down.. ~" 2 Fs%e ra@naE
The contest lasted until tho strength Of
the champions was completely spent. Jonas
was lying in . shallow ditch half 6lled with
frogs, mud, snakes and water-the ditch,
not Jonas-while Whitcomb was srcmantic-
ally situated his head resting on a rotten
stump, and his feet hanging gracefully in q
neighboring thorn bush. "a
There vas a long silence over Deacon
Reds stster patch,' if we excepted a little
hard breathing proceeding from the thoraxes
Of our exhausted friends; but at length
Whitcomb called out family
sSilas y So. .rra yr
sWell, exv
20 Lets get up and 60 home.'
agreed. But how are we to do it?' Poor
Silas was evidently in the slough Of despon-
dency.s s4E go -Ns
Wait . little, and we'll feel better. Did
/ scratch your face bad?' a r
sNo, no, nothing Of the least consequence.
] Did I bite your ear badfs amor ~,
Don't mention it, my dear Jonas. it amt