The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1857-07-18


s-ay tfnss tsIs pre- nsn'i2in yeath, h sss a
u is!lsr. rasi aoans d. DO harm aioafa
DOE~TIcxx ON TINE COMET.
There i. no doubt Of tit is TOO true
there's something loose somewhere, and we
Of this earth are to be Immediately smash
ed into smitherecns by FIRST class comet
which has got unscrewed, and is now CON-
iny u, Us under full head Of steam, with
small planet hung on the safety valve
Our little planet is to be knocked 'hgher
than G,ldefoy," and sen, flying IN small
pieces through the regions Of il!ImItabie
space, which even will undoubtedly have a
tendency to separate small families, and IN
terfere with trade and commerce. This
pleasant affair will come oil on the 10th OF
June, (nos passed,) Immediately after tea.
There will be no posiponement on account
OF the weather. The audience will not be
disappointed, and mos, Of US will probably
haze accomplished rapid little journey Of
u couple Of millions Of miles or 50, between
SIX O'Clock L. VI. and breakfast time. There
can be no mistake; we are done for.
have made an exact mathematical cal
culation, and Gnd that our unlimited visit
or will his us the FIRST punch on the west end
OF Conay Island. Already in my neighbor-
hood, CONSERVATION is depicted Of smashcs
cxps'stsnt, and piety is particularly preva-
lent. We al! know hou moral people be-
come when they are expecting trim Death,
and how lbsral they are with their money
W en- they End they can't keep it any long
or. We know the common dodge Of try ng
to cheat Heaven into belief Of their char
itabIeness By leaving money to build
churches aud elothe missionaries, when they
are perfectly we'll aware that the heirs will
dispute tho will and c0ntrive to keep the
cash all in the family. That's just what
people are doing now, because they think
l.. Death is around. There must be fear
ful discoun, Of this kind Of penItence, but the
appeanca Of the comet and the fears excl
ted thereby, have thrown great dea! OF
this spurious article into the market just at
present. Every body is wide awake and
looking out for breakers.
Ny Iandlady, ever since she saw my first
paragraph in the newspaper about the COM
OF, has given as better coffee and fatter
chop, and has seemed to DO struck with re-
morse about the veal. She is in state Of
grief about her past mackeFel, and mourns
her late butter with true sincerity,-she
lately been seen TO put SILVER into the plate
she has bought cheap prayer book and
looks ovar the burial service three times a
day. The ehambermatds have heard the
news, and have renoanccd the error of their
ways. since which time the tally Of my hand
kerchief is complete, and "the eat doesn't
run away with my hair oil. Even the err
rand boz Is touched in conscience, and
brings back full change. The cook is in e
touching ind tender state of mind, and,
having icft of drinking, has become heater
and more satisfactory in her habits-we
don't have more that half the former guam
ty q oinder, in the broilcd fish, aud she no
longer skewers the beef with her hair pins.
regIey. the grocer, looks trembingIy at
the stars every night throgh four foot tel
osoope, gives sixteen ounces to the pound,
ana has omitted the four cent shave IN ma
king change. His sugar is not so gritty rs
it was month ago, his camphene burns
better, the butter Is not athletic, the boy
does not 80 50 often to the pump just after
Pcgley gets new barrel of Jamaica rum.
and there are now four quarts TO the gallon,
whereas the former rule was about SIX pints
aud half.
Jus; now sensation religion is raging ter
rihly in my netghhorhood, all induced by
the laluenes oil the comet--there is "pro-
tracsed meeting a block and half up the
street, great "revtvai" Just round the
corusr. aud high pressure PRAYER meetings
around on every side. So mary new CON
verts have been made that SINNERS are ex-
,eeilngly scarce. Johlats, the broker, who
got rich iendlng money At SIX per cent.
~, Ra has TOD
Ne Is now trying 10 work MS passage to
PARADISE by m..ssns long speeches IN ''meet-
aag," which are 40 loud AZ to irIghten ba-
hles ia the next block, aad which made him
persptEu a. II he had boon ohopp,ng cord
wood in do days. fhts change Tor the
better NAV be lasting, but Id ike to ven
turs dollar that # the earth lodges the
comet, and gets safely through the Ihth with.
out making "hoTrihic collision, and loss Of
life" Item tss the newspapers on the l1th,
Iobiets will foreclose "a dozen mortgages,
revoke ali his gifts ia the sSharch, and
charge HsoTs exorattans usury than ever to
MAKE up lost time. haven't much conf.
dTBes IN these spasmoiIo converts myself,
and ean's exactly bring myself to believe
taa. man wha aas BEEN blaeSguard and
seaaaasei Tor forty years. can be scared
lato good christian 10 two minutes, hy 8
hoht.sia comet
In fact. nearly everybody is affected BY
-samln- events. except the city authorities Of
Ns~ Yer L, who seem 20 think that the new
ctr charter has 50 caestaaily finished them
tai the comet can do no further damage
~. estv ma in town who appears to have
i wits abe, It hlm u MIR. Marshal. Of the
saad usy In, fatre, who Is trying 80 get the
q aes to nisy n star engagement fer him At
II. r.saht,shr,. nj HIS proposition is to
h >,r~ he Gaia, trophs Of the Last DAYS Of
p sap.i. and de- .roy that unhappy CITY by
III an.uly planet tnstcsss Of An eruption Of
:, say,us. As for myself. although | fully
.e i.,s in the apsrp, aching smash, am, like
! suasns uaa. pro- riding against ans pos
il - change Of pros ramms. By borrowing
il the uoasy can e'ssa,n % long credit;
NJ ~, By pos.panina the payment OF my
,, kr email debt. anI after the leta Of
!, -. cannos fail 30 make handsome
y ees.assaa 10 essacr case.
Gas Aaid, harss ssl endla IDEA, mag
i Seeas Plan, by which ;ass Threatened INST
II a ssry enemy, instead 81 being terrible
sAssss, nav be turned to nns. excellent
4 s.asai, for | have no doubt tia; tia: ene-
} e uaali listen TO iae voice u reason
> 81 hsaAnisv. think deportation caSh.
| be snmsdsass,v appointed vi.h full pos.
c q - arrange matters with the eornss---,ae
| ~eple ms,, take the shias in hand them.
, sasrs. for If i, 10 left TO the pablo oscer.,
{ ksrs ueala be 20 much routine and esrcu m.
scsssiea about IL, thai the world would be
. aaAHAel into n:nesesn millions Of sma U
ffsSaeess before The. would get ready to
Aei- Il y extremely pEoAaele thai the DEL
sga.icn Seali bc able to saec. eauprosn.
See an behalf II the usefal porsaans as the
<ArsA, and they nigh, sndacs our dastsn-
.esassed visitor 20 caasne his As;<atlou 20
-csssAin specified rar,s Of IT, Foe Instance,
1ees little arrangement by which the State
q New jersey eoald be knocked CUT II the
0ssssrse. would be blessing and hoso.
4 k0ansss u ,his scrt would be srprccsa-
Ted by Aii mankind, and, although The Jse-
sssE0 themselves would andaus,e<siy oa-
iaca r. thu n tsarx ,ia Ia Ill ~ h,zr ,,ns..v~s