Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1857-08-22
Dumorous.


vicar of Sheffield. Rev. Dr. Sutton, once said
to the late Mr.. Peech, a veterinary surgeon,
"Mr Peech. how is it you have not called
upon me for your account? 2"
90" said Mr. Peech, IL never ask a gen
tlemdR for money"
"Indeed," said the vicar; "then how do you
get on i! he don't pay?'
"Why, after certain time I conclude that
he is not gentleman, and then | ask him "
A PRAYER Cur SnoRT.-Parson B. was
truly n pious man, and at the long graceS,
which usually followed the meals, he and the
whole family revprpntlv knplt, except the
Parsons brother. (whO being DER much fairy
BILE and overlooking the garden.) One day,
il was summer time, the Parson was unusually
favored not appearing to notice the fdgety
actions of his brother who kept twisting
about, until finding no end to the thanks he
broke in with
"Cut it, Parson-cut it short the cows
are in the garden playing h--ll with the
cabbage"
"PAT" said Yankee to an Irshman, as
they passed tree near Harlem, with rope
hanging from one Of its branches, "where do
you suppose you would be if that rope had its
deserts?" Faith, I'd be walking here all
alone to New York !"
Be content as long as your mouth is full
and body covered; remember the poor; kiss
the pretty girls; don't rob your neighbor's
hen roost never pick az editors pocket nor
entertain an idea that he is going to treat ::
kick dull care to the deuce black your own
boots; sew on your own buttons; and be
sure and take paper and pay for it. Good
practical advice.
About the hardest case ever heard Of was
murderer named Stone. executed many
years since in Exeter. y. II. just before
the rope was placed around bis neck, he re-
quest being promptly acceded to, he took the
mug and commenced blowing the froth from
the ale. "What are you doing that for p
neIvously asked the sheriff BECAUSE" re.
turned the perfect wretch, 81 don't think
froth is healthy"
A Young and beautiful, but poor widow
was about to marry q rich old widower. lIel
friends wished to know why she wanted tC
marry him. She replied, "Gor pure love
love the ground lmeaning the farm, probably
on which he walks, and the very house il
which he lives" There is platonc love Go,
you There is none Of your school girl TO
nance in that
A BarTister, blind of one eve, pleadirt
my argument, ! shall use nothing but wha
is necessary" Then" replied a wng. "tak
out one of the glasses in your spectacles."
A Lady cleared her house Of flies by put
ting honey on her husbands whiskers whp
he went to sleep. The les stack fast. an
when he went out OF the house he carrie
them of with him.
Did you ever know such mechanical gn
MUS as my son! said an old lady. H. ha
made fiddle out Of his own head, and he ha
wood enough for another"
"Boys," said colored individual disclosir
asmaIl coffin which he carried along unde
hi; cloak, Boys, don't laugh-I'se lunt
raj"
A clergyman observing poor man by tl
road breaking stones with n picklEp ru
kneeling to get at his work better, made tn
remark, "Aa, Juhn, | wish could break III
stony he TtS Of my hearers rs easily as 20
are breaking those stones" The man reple,
"Perhaps, master, you do not work on y0u
knees
A Coon SELI.-The Newberryport Hlral
has an account Of several cases Of that frigh
ful disease known as the GiGck tongue. whic
have recently been introduced by som
Whortleberry sellers from Rowey 1t fr,
attacked some children on High street, bu
las the price Of berries falls) is rapidly sprea,
ing to all parts Of the town.
WASN'T it mean in Powers to chisel a rot
Greek Slave out Of little piece OF marble
AN Irish jocky, who was "retlock deep
the turf" being elated with success at Wi
ming a race, observed: "Be me sowl l.
first at last-lve always been behind before
There is young lady up town who sa,
that if a cart-wheel has mine" fellows, it is
pity woman can't have one. Sensible eli
that.
A down east parshoner asked his past
"when he intended to maSticate the church
meaning when would their brick church be co
cred with its contemplated coat of mastc.-
The ready response was-"when | cLews"-
Choose
A hen in Northampton, Mass, recent
hatched seventeen chickens from sixteen egg
Adam and Eve got married before tn
were year old, and the Veteran Parr buc
led with n widow at lO0