The Hillsborough recorder. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1820-1879, 1857-06-10
HOW BEN PURTLE GOT HIS WIFE.


The very climax Of ugliness was Ben
Purtle. lie was red headed. and each hair
stood as if It cherished the supremest con,
tempt for its next neighbor. His face was
freckled as the most bespotted turkey egg.
His nose supported at the bridge huge hump.
while the end turned yiciously to one side.
His mouth had every shape. Ills form was
unccuth, as his face was ugly. Tie was
stoop shuuliered. knock-kneed. fat-footed
and -. Well he was ugly. The very
climax Of ugliness. was Ben Purtle-what
was more strange still, Ben had handsome,
bouncing. blooming wifr--such As can only
be grown upon country farm.
!" How the deuce" said TO Ben one day,
adid you ever ret such wife, you uncouth.
misshapen, quintescence Of monstroslty."
Ben was not at all offended by the imperti-
nence of my question. and forthwith pro-
ceeded thus to solve the mystery:
Well, now, gals what's sensible amt
cotch BY none o your purity faces an hifalu.
lin airs. I've seed that tried more an once.
You know Katy was always considered the
purtiest gal in these parts, and all the young
ieIlers in the neighborhood used 10 try to
cotch her. Well | used to 20 over 10 old
Ssmmy's too, jist to kinder look on. you know,
and cast Sleeps eyes at Kate. But Lord
sakes! lad no more thought ! could git
Kate than that Jerusalem cricked could
| hide IN the hair that wasn't on old sammy
bald head-no Stree. But still, ! couldn't
| help gOin' an my heart would kinder ilutter.
and my ears would burn all over, whenever
| rot chance 70 talk to Kate. And one day
when Kate sorter made fun OF me, like. il
almost killed me, shore. went home with
somethin' like a rock jostlln' about in my
breast. an sworc III hang myself with the
first plow line found.'
did you hang yourself?" Iaskcd. No,
daddy blazed Out At me for not tskin' old
Ball 10 the pastur in the morning, and scared
me 50 bad. | forgot it,
Go on" said |, seeing Ben pause with
apparent regret that he had not executed
| his vow.
Well, soon one Sunday morning, n recken
il was about year after that hangIn scrape,)
I got up an put on my new copp'rus brltche.
an new linsy coat nanny had dyed with
sassalac bark, an went over TO uncle Sans
Now, ia rot 10 lo,in' Kate like all creation
but III never chcaped 20 any body about my
feelins. Hut knuwcd ! was On the righi
side Of The old folks"
"WelI, now. amt il quar-" continued Ben
after slight pause, during which he rolled
his qnd 20 more convenient place 10 hi,
mouth, !" how q feller will feel sometimes
Sumethin' seemed 10 say as ! went along
!" Ben purtle, this is great day for you,
and then my heart jumped and futtcrrd lik,
live jay bird 10 a trap. And when 90
thar, and seed Kate with her new. checked
homespun Truck on. rally Thought shout,
take the blind staggers any how
hen paused again 10 brush the fng from hil
lcycs and then continued: Well, | fuun,
The order of The day was 10 80 muskadin,
hunting. Joe Sharp an his twp sisters ant
Jim BUlcs was thar. Id know'd long tim,
that Joe Sharp was right after Kate; an
hated him wus than a hungry hog hates /,
fnd the way out of atater patch but didn'
let on. Sharp had on White britches an fn,
shoes, and brOadcloth coat. but every bodj
knowed lie wasn't worth red cent. u,
walked with Kate, and you ought to a seen th'
airs he put on. II was Miss Katy this, an,
Miss Katy that; and all such quality nonsense
After awhile, We came 10 a slough whar hi
had 10 cross on lOg--l'd 4 great notion 1
pitch The sassy good for nuthln' into the wa
ter.
why didn't you y | asked. sympathisinI
with the narrator.
"Stop, never mind" said Ben, giving ~
"a nudge. Providence done all that Up brown