The Placer herald., 1857-10-17
Humorous,


An elephant once nearly killed an Irish
man for an assault offered ito his trunk.
The act was rash in the extreme; but it
was impossible, the Hibernian said, to re-
sst a nose you could pull with both hands
A lucky chap at Washington, who has
the prescription, says: "a woman is the best
man@uver after all. Take three pounds Of
petticoats, four smiles, two tear drops, with
CANNON at discretion; stir briskly, and ap-
ply while warm to the blind side of sec
retary, and you have never failing pres
cription for getting office.
A gentleman who did not trust to his
memory, wrote in his memorandum book,
Must be married when get to town..
Somebody said that if nature had design
ed man to be a drunkard, she would have
constructed him like churn, so that the
more he drank the more firmly he would
stand.
A STRONG MINDED WoMANs SHEER
What in a woman is called "curiosity," in
man is grandiloqueutly magnifed into the
spirit Of inquiry"
early bird picks up the worm; but gentle
men who smoke-and ladies who dance
till three or four in the morning, will do
we'll to consider that the worm also picks
up the early bird.
Call g. Settle, is the title of firm in
the East. Neal & Pray, is the title of an
other.
The editor of the Woonsocket Patriot
makes merry over the mistake of an old
Shanghai hen of his that has been setting"
for five weeks upon two round stones and
a piece of bricM Her anxiety" quoth he,
will hatch. fit proves brick-yard, that
hen is not for sale"
A CAsE.-We are always being told that
property has its Rights; but surely, in
the matter Of gloves and boots, Property
has its Let's as well as its Rights.
Sally said fellow to girl who had
red hair, keep away from me, or YOU will
set me afre.' No danger of that was the
answer, you are too green to burn
A French writer calls dyspepsia 'the re-
morse OF guilty stomach
Johnny, does you love me?' Well, Susy,
| dose How do you know YOU love me-:
'kase, Susy, whenever looks at you,
my heart jumps up and knocks agin my
stumick so that don't have any appetite
for week afterwards
The tobacco clewer is said to le like
goose in Dutch oven-alwavs on the spit
A lawyer, not over Young nor handsome,
examining Young lady witness in court,
determined to perpex her, and said: Miss,
upon my word, YOU are very pretty The
young lady very promptly replied: i would
return the compliment, sir, if were not
on oath
Born HANpLEs.-A Western paper offers
to write Mr." before, or ESQ" after the
names of each of its subscribers, in drec-
ting their papers to them, to such as will
pay twenty-five cents extra, or add both Of
"handcs' for fifty cents extra.
At Sunday School Examination the teach
er asked boy whether he could forgive
those who wronged him? Gould YOU"
said the teacher, forgive boy, for example
who has insulted or struck you.' 'I e-e sir
replied the lad very sowl y, "I--think-I-
could, if he was bigger an am."
Epitoph on a Noney Lender:
Here lies old thirty five per cent,
The more he made the more he lent;
The more he got, the more he craved;
The more he made, the more he shaved;
Good Heavens can such SC ul be saved?1
The best Bull we ever heard of was shown
in Paddy's description Of the animal of
that name.-"'lhs is the way you may know
him. When you see a group of COWS lay
ing in the field and one of 'em is standing
that's the bull"
Nor BAD.-The funny man of the Provi-
dence Post says: In one respect, Mrs. Gun
nngham's last performance was not faila
ure. She set out to be confined, and in
one sense has succeeded admirably. She
is not, however, supposed to be in a sinking
condition, as the courts refuse to allow her
to be bailed out.
Brown says he was considerably startled
the other day on reading the name of a
treatise entitled God against slavery" but
was entirely quieted when, by reading on
little, he discovered that is was only DR.,
i'haa, a,'