New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1857-07-22
SUIT LOVENGOOD'S SHIRT.
nv 81. OF TENN.


The first person met was "Sut' (after cross
ing the Hiwassee) weaving and moving along" in
his usual rambling, uncertain gait; hs appearance
at once satisfied ME that something was wrong. He
had been ,ck-whipped IN a free hight, or was just
outgrowing one Of his big DRINKS. But upon this
point was soon enlightened.
"Why, Sat, what's wrong now y
Heaps wrong; durn me skin If amt most ded.
Lite of Of that boss, George, an take q horn while
take two Shaking that everlasting flask OF hs at
mel an plant ycrsef that ar log an II tell 20 81
l ken, but its most beyond telln'. reeken I'm tho
darpde.t fool out en- Utaw scept my dad, tor he
acted bose, an hait dun that yet--aAers i'll some
trap that cudent k.ch sheep. III drown myself
sum day, zee ef don't jast to stop family dspo-
ution to make id fools an themselves"
4" How is it, Sut have you been beat playing
cards, or drinking, which is II :"
Mara one that can't be did in these parts; but
seem it's you, George, III tell you; but swar I'm
'shsmed--sick-sorry, aR-und-mad. am
"Ye know boards with Bill Carr, at his cabin
on thu mountain, and pays fur sich IA gits when
hey money, an when heyent any, why he takes
One-third Outen me- IN cussn and she, that's bis
wife, Bets takes out tother tw0-thlrds with tho
bat,ln' stick. and the ntrust with her tongue, and
the intrust's moren the princil-heap more. Shes
the eussedes oman ever seed eny hsw for Jaw,
breedin and pride. She can scold blister onto q
bulls face rite on the curl in two minits. She out
breeds evrything on the riyer-and patterns arter
ey'ry fashion she hears tell on from busses TO
hritchss Oh she's one on 'en, and sometimes
Aes two or three. Well ye see got some hum
made cotton tuck to make new shirt outen, and
cOaxed Bets to make it, and about the time it wer
dun here comes lawyer johnson along and axea for
broakfus-l wish it had pizened him, durn his hide,
and wonder it didn't, for she cooks awful mxings
when she tries. I'm pizen proof myself holding
- bis flask and peepng through it, "or I'd been
dead long ago.
swell, while be were eatin abe spied out that
his shirt was stiff an nifty slick she never rested
till she wormd it outen him that preparation Of
-four did it; and she got few particulars about tho
proceedings Outen him by 'omans arts DON'T
know how she did it, perhaps he does. AFTER he
left she set in an billed big pot Of paste-nigh onto
peek Of it, an soused in my shert an let 1t soak
aw bie then she tuck it an roned II out mas and
dry and cot itUp on its sidge agln the CABIN III tho
sur Thar it stood as stiff dry boss hide an 1t
ratified ike sheet Of iron, it did. 1t were pasted
together all over. When cum to dinner nOthin wud
do but must put it on. Well, Bets an me got
the thing open after hard work. she pulling at
one Of the tails and me ut the tother, an got into
it, Durn the everlasting new tangled shert, Say.
i felt like had crawled into old bee gum an bit
full of pissnts; but il like lawyer JOhnsOns and
/ stud it Like man. and went to work to build Bets
a ash hopper. / worked powerful hard and swet
like boss and when the shert got wet it gait ito
hurting.
AFTER got dun took about four fingers Of red
head, and erawled up into the cabin loit to take
snUEe.
swell. when walked up thought was ded, -
had the cholery, for al the joints L could move wer
my ankles, wrists, knees-sOuldnt even move my
head and skasey wink my eyes--the cussed shert
was pasted fast onto NE AZ over, from the plat OF
HE tails 10 The pint Of the brOadax collar over my
year, 1t cot to ME rs sosc as poor cew dss ~
her hide in March. l squirmed and strained tall l
sorter got it broke at the shoulders and elbows, and
then done the durndest foolish thing ever did in
there mountains. i ,hufaed my britches OF and
tore loose from my hide about two inches Of the tad
al around, in much pain and tribalaton. Oh bit
ii did hurt Then l took up plank 0uteo The
loft and hung NY legs down through the hole and
nailed the adge Of the front tail to the door before
me, and the bird tail nailed y the plank whotl sot
On. / unbuttOned tho collier and risbaBds raised
nv hands away above my head shot up my eyes,
said grace and Jumped through to the ground Hore"
Here Sut remarked, sadly:
"Gesrge, In darnder fool than ever dad was:
hoss, hornets, an all ~ drown myself sum u
these days, see Of don't"
"web, 60 On, Sut: did the shit come orr
-t6-i-n.k--it-d-i l heam noise
sorter like taripg single roof Of ov house. s9
at opst. and felt Ike my bones were al hat reached
the aore / staggered TO my feet and took look st
NV shert. The nails bad oil ht their belt, and thar
it were hanging, arms down. inside out, and a. sah
az ever. II booked like the map ov Mexico jst ar.
ter one Of the FIRST bsttesa patch sf my hide scoss
the sxe Of dollar and half bin here; bunch Of
my bar about the size Of birds nest thar then
some more skin; then some paste; then little moro
har then heap Of ikin; then more har; theo AIN,
and 30 On all over that darned new tangled, everast
ing. internal cuss of shert. 1t was . picture 70
look at-n 50 mos !. The hide, bar and paste were
about ekealIy deyided stween me and hit Wonder
what Bets, dum her, tbor when she cum homo
and found mo missing. Spect she thinks crawled
into tbickst and died Of my wounds. 1t must have
shared her good, for l tell you it looked like the
skin ov sum wild beast torn Of alive, or bag whas
had kerried load ov fresh beef from Ahooeng
match.
"Now, George, If ever ketch that lawyer john
son out I'll shoot him, and II ever an oman biAs-
about fiat min shert for me again. dun my ever
lasting pictur q don't fatten bsr It's ntnouuou
sartin, the biggestxnd Of q preachers regular MT
fbuton. Doyou remember my driving Of lad hro
that hornets nest, and then racing OF him inter Ne
kreeki"
"Yes"
"Well this is what comes of il. IN drown NY
self some Of these day., zee ef / don't--ef don't
de from that awful shirt. Tske horn aud dontyOu
try sticky shirt Is long as you i've
--s5-=
Msssrs egERt HuRLsuRr, No. Il Maan-ss, ssw Ysse