The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1857-07-20


| doors would shut, and II all Of them had keys.
/ replied by planting my foot on that part Of his
| anatomy where the back changes its name. He then
| brought an action for assault and battery. lost
! the case and had to pay heavy fine with costs.
Three days before our departure we were in q
| nice mudde. All the carpets had been taken up
| Beadsteads had been taken down, were
! obliged to sleep the floor. China, glass, and
| crockery had been packed away, along with the
! knives and forks. Kitchen utensils We're slowed
| away ia wash tubs. Our looking glasses were care
| fully bound up with pieces of old carpet The CONT
and brush were stuffed into the tub that contained
| the sauce pans, so that was compelled to borrow
| the servants. Even my own wearing apparel was
made away with, and was left with old boot
and shoe; as for clean shirt that impossi
| bility.
We had no regular meal time, things were topsy
! turyey generally, SO that I-much to the indigns
| ton of my wife--took my dinner down town.
Returning home one evening. after dining with
| some friends. found my wife seated on roll OF
| oil cloth, and in tears.
What's the matter, my love-" inquired
500 away Go back to your dissolute compan-
| iOns!" was the answer.
Seeing that nice little storm was brewing, and
| wishing to avoid it, | said:
| Come, there's dear, don't be foolish" encir-
! cling her waist with my arms a. spoke.
| Ugh, how you smell OF smoke" said my wife
with fresh burst Of tears and recoiling from me.
saw it WAS no Use trying to effect a calm, so /
| set myself down the edge of piano, and pa
tiently awaited the result. had not long to wait
''Its no telling me-
''Telling you what my dear ] meekly asked
My wife paid no attention to my question, but
| continued her remarks aObbing the while in very
| hysterfcal manner. "lf you don't love me say 50,
and let go home to my fathers; Tn SUI
'Claral" (Ciara is my wife's Christian name
''CIara," said, interrupting her, and with some
dignity, Il am ashamed of you; what is the mean.
ing of this nonsense"
''There, therel oh yes, of course it's nonsense 1
shall not be allowed to speak, shortly. Why did
YOU marry me then, If | am fooli5h?'
CLARA
do be quiet, sir, and let me have a chance to
vindcate myself from your base insertions"
/ spoke not a word.
81 think it's very-very mean Of you to make me
work my fingers to the bone, while you 90 out
and have your dinners. and-and your wine and
all that Here my wife began to sob convulsively
81 don't beliye you have the least spark of feeling
left. Any-any other man would have come home
and helped me pack these-these horrid things
What made You want to move! dare say you will
want me to wash the clothes and get up your shirts
soon, but won't do it, there! What are You sit
ting down there for like a mummy; why don't you
speak,
''My dear, tomorrow morning. when you are
yourself again, will talk with you, not before -
so saying, went to bed, or rather to the mattress.
on the floor
My wife kept up the fire some little time. but
finding made no reply, came to my side and sob
bed herself to sleep.
i merely mention the above little episode to show
one of the many things had to endure i'll endea-
voring to save fifty dollars year.
The day for removal came at last. "Thank good
| ness!' L calculated, thinking troubles were
| over now. Poor, weak, silly, deluded creature.
] need not tell how many things were broken u,
how many things lost. nor how exhorbtant the
| carmen were, nor how the Hibernian gentlemen
we called in to assist put the washtub containing
the kitchen utensils right in the centre of our best
| mirror, breaking it all to atoms.
Suhce It,. that all our things-baring those that
were lost and broken-were in our new house. and
| that our old house remained unlet.
'iiOw glad am il is all over" said my wife
Amen responded |.
"Im sure this house is worth all the trouble We
| have undergone"
"AhemH said l.
| felt sadly inclined to be ironical, but would
not dash my wites spirits SO | refrained.
We felt hungry, extemporized a meal out
| of some scraps of bread, cheese and a ham bone
carving it with the only available instrument viz
my best razor.
II quite enjoy this" said my wife
80 do l., l was about to say, but only got as far
rs 80, when We were startled at hearing
emanating from our son Tommy, who was roaming
about looking at and admiring everything i'll the
new house.
Goodness gracious! what's the matter now :"
and bolted from the room, followed by my wife
Our new landlord, oblging SOUL had undertaken
to have the house repainted entirely, but had not
had sufficient time to finish the job before We took
possession So that, among other agreeable Incidents
the basement twas occupied by number ofyoung
whistled, Il hate whistling) while they piled their
brushes, and used language which was SO far from
being choice and refined that had really to blush
occasionally when my wife within hearing
Master Tommy got into trouble, too, on his ac-
count. tie was making scientific exploration in
the lower regions of the house with the laudable
intention of pursuing the search of knowledge I'M
der difficulties, for Tom is child of an exceeding
ly lnquiring turn Of mind. In the course of his
peregrinations, he contrived to upset pot of paint
of step ladder, and received the greater part Of
the contents upon his unlucky head, from which il
ran down in copious streams, presenting singular
though hardly agreeable contrast of color and to-
tally running his jacket
We washed his hair with turpentine, and pumice
stoned his face till the skin was nearly rubbed OF
After which he subjected to q vigorous course
OF hot water and soap, but for all we could do
that blessed child for week afterward. emitted an
oder closely resembling the inside of a painters
shop, while remains of the paint were still left
making his counteuance lock something like se-
bra, or a royal Bengal tiger
We managed to erect bedstead, and | imagined
we should be enabled to pass a comfortable night
What blisstul ignorance!
had just fallen into a comfortable doze when
was awoke by my wife digging her elbow into nv
side
What's the matter now? Can'tyou let a fellow
Sleep"
flush, there are thieves in the house Listen"
listened, and sure enough there was mysteri-
Gus noise, as If somebody ascending the kitchen
stairs with great rapidity.
jumped out of bed, put on a pair-no MATES
LII lamp, armed myself with my revolver, and sal
lied down the stairs followed BY my wife
We looked all over the house. and found NOTHING
but strnge cat in the coal cellar. We went to bed
again.
thought had not been asleep more than half
an hour. but in reality had been wooing the drov
~ god five or six hours, when ! was avoka nv Tho
window OF the room we were sleeping in being rail-
ed. and man softly entered the room
Halo my tne fellow; I've caught YOU have r.,
law my IlyaT
"Fnr mercy's sake. don't shoot" said the MOI,
what are you doing here?"
Matters were soon explained; he was only Tho
man engaged in painting the outside of our nav
mouse, anu by means of ladder obtained access 20
our room, not to rob or garote us but merely 70
ger MS pant pot, that he had left there the even;n
before. lie apologized for disturbingus not know
ing that 'here was any one in the apartment The
new mouse mad no gas in it, but the IandIoyd baI
put 1t IN, to the detriment of ceilings in snnoa
OF the rooms, and floors in others This hnv,ana
was already accomplished; the pines were la;d ~
metre set and the ceilings repaired the whole he
i ihs n,iished the day before we had moved in 80
that there were several large spots of newly spread
Plastering on the ceiling of the paror.
had Just completed the task of driving some
picture nails III the walls of this ROOM from which
TO suspend our family portraits, when scream
OF horror from my wife, and rafting sound
caused me to turn suddenly which movement tipped
my step ladder over letting me down in rather a
hurried and undignihed manner, producing an ex-
tensive and painful abrasion my left knee
AS soon az recovered my senses from the effect
of this unexpected shock, perceived that the lar
ring caused by driving in the nails, had shaken
down the fresh plastering on my wife's head and
worse yet, upon our new brussels carpet purchased
expressly for our new house.
Notwithstanding that we gathered il I'm. az ami.
Guy as possible our carpet was completely ruined.
u the beautiful ngures large wreathes of red roses
with green leaves observation-disclosures a verx Air.
gy yellow color, wherever the lime contained in
the plaster had touched al
my vile happened to be looking up at the time.
ana some small particles of the lime had fallen mt
her eyes, resulting in much redness and i;t,,a Nv
for the rest Of the day. go "'HuA1or
a, MSt everything was put to rights Ia our nav
r mus ba. u wasn't u comfortable new house
The doors wouldn't shut, or when shnt .oa,S.,.