Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1857-05-27


Boston Post.
-"Madam," said husband to his young
wife, in little alteration, which will sometimes
spring up in the best of families "when man
and his wife have quarreled, which of the two
ought to be the first to advance toward recon-
ciation of the difficulty?"
"The best natured and wisest one," gaily said
the wife, putting up her rosy lips for kiss, which
was heartily given. She had conquered.
."Hary," said young lady on the seat
before us at the theater last evening, how
should like to be an actress"
San actress! Henrietta; why?"
ooh it must be so nice to make love in such
pretty words every evening"
1t is said that rats have become so very
scarce in Paris that the price of French kid gloves
has advanced to five francs pair
-Dobbs one day, speaking of the happi-
ness of married people, was interrupted by Caesar
who observed:
demselves"
That was wise niger.
-Efect of Courage.-SAaE, the great
Santa Fe trader, on one occasion, when travelling
on the route between Santa Fe and the U. S., over
the plains now known as southern Kanzas, relates
that being with his friend, Grinn in search for a
spring at which to recruit their horses, they had
wandered some miles out Of sight of the caravan,
when, on descending into valley, they were quite
amazed at seeing large party of Pawnee Indians.
Without stopping to hold council of war; the
friends turned their horses heads, and galloped
back the way they came. The Indians gave rapid
chase, and their arrows soon began to whistle
around the heads of the devoted friends.
"Therc arc five hundred of the DEVILS" said the
affrighted Grim to his companion.
"There are not forty" replied Sage.
"Twenty dollars on it that there are forty" was
the rejoiner.
"Twenty dollars, then, is the figure" said Sage.
And, without Stacking their rapid speed, the
valiant disputants grasped each others hand in
confirmation of the bet.
"And now, how are we to know who wins ?'-
continued Sage.
"IH count them J" said Grim, and suitng the
action to the words, he turned full upon the face
of the enemy, and pointing with the ore-fnger of
his left hand, while his right grasped revolver,
he began to count:
"One, two, three, FOUR
Perfectly amazed at this sudden turn of affairs,
the hitherto brave Pawnees came to dead halt,
and seized with dismay at the courage which ena-
bed a single man to stand in warlike position in
front of their full force; unable to imagine what
visible or invisible danger about to burst upon
them their hearts sank within their redskins, and
hurry-scurry, they fled off, full speed
"Twenty- y-three, twenty-four, twenty-five" and
Grim still pointed in the direction of the savages,
as Sage came up to his side.
"Thrty-seven thirty-eight, thirty-nine," he said
as the last dusky figure lodged out of sight, into
the valley: and turning to Sage, with smile,
he said:
"There must have been forty; who wins 2"
"Call it draw game, and I'll stand treat" ans
wered Sage; and light merrily the friends pur-
sued their way.
"A lazy fellow stole wood-saw, and at
trial told the judge he only took it in joke
"How far did you carry it 2" asked the judge.
1.-TWO miles," answered the prisoner
"That's carrying the joke too far" remarked the
judge and the prisoner was committed for further
examination.
AN old bachelor says that women are so
fond of appearances, that if you could make them
believe that there looking glasses in heaven,
they would set no more value on salvation than
on poor relative. Singular how age sours those
people ycleped bachelors.
quite joke happened to one of our
doctors the other day, He ordered some very
powerful medicine for sick boy, and the father,
not liking the appearance Of it, forced it down the
cats throat
On the next day, the doctor called and inquired
if the powder had cured the boy, when the father
replied:
"No we didn't give it to him."
"Good heavensp' cried the doctor, "and is the
child living?"
eyes, but the old cat isn't; we gave it to herr
The doctor sloped.
-Lorenzo Dow once said of a grasping,
ayaricious farmer, that IL he had the whole world
for his farm, he would not be content without
patch of ground on the outside, whereon to raise
| field of potatoes.
a Rdiny Day. = A prudent master
advised his drunken servant to put his money by
for rainy day. In few weeks the master asked
how much of his wages he had saved
"Faith, none at ALL" said he, II did as ye tould
-. a.. -..-.a ,,;sto~dav an IL all wentn ....