The Cadiz Democratic sentinel. [volume] (Cadiz, Ohio) 1854-1864, 1857-10-29
The Fashionable Preacher,


! The fashionable preacher is a mortal always
adOred by his congregation, the female portion
particularly lie is, mortal but is sometimes
deemed an unwingcd immortal. and eclipseS the
Divinity whOme he breaches lie prays reSoun.
DINGHY Ito the congregation and his "amen.'
sounds like the tap ofa base drum. lie is meek
exceedingly so-in the pupit-he loves his hear.
ers collectively, and sometimes individually; he
hates sin and the devil-proiessionally Dis
courses eloquently of charity from a mahogany
pulpit, but forgets his charity for those who di.
Ter with him. Gives literally This advice) in
his resonant sermons, but always has his purse
IN his other pantlloons pockets when he meet.
a medicant.
Sends the Gospel TO BaIiobooba Sha, and
sends the heathens at home--to the gutter
Perfumes his sermons with severed poetry and
perfumes his white handkerchief with can de Co
lo9ne. Speaks yearningly of that other world
bat would doubtless rather stay where he is
better acquainted Calls his congregation the
sheep OF his flock, and pulls the wool over theil
eyes while he cheers them.
Studies attitudes as he studies his sermons
and lifts his arms with initiative grace, to be-
seech the divine grace-of heaven! Delivers
from three story pulpit-where he is elevated
lar above his hearers-perSuasye haiangues
upon moral propriety. Acts as though sin
could be drawn from man, as that beautiful rich
Eve was taken from Adam, by THROWN him in
to gentle slumber, or, as the dentist extracts
a tooth, by administering cJ0roj0rmaE discources
and most ETHEREAL sermons Ofmorality he talks
IN the aggregate, but never descendS to psrticu-
iars' II one OF his congregation, by Mortgaging
MS property, sWlndles friend out Of a few thou
sand dollars, never rebukes the man as the
prophet did David; never mentions it all, that
Is a secular affair and belongs to the world
| rays to God not tor wealth, which he wants
not, neither Tor poverty which he cannot bear,
but only Tor competence, by which he means a
three story competence, finished with brown
| stone, all the modern convenienceS and Il spaci-
GUS basement.
Believes there is no gate to heaven but through
his church,a and calls other denominations 'sectS
Sends his brethren upward upon 'Howery beds
OF eaSe,' but whether or not Peter let's them pass
the pearly portals, we, beingpoor miserable SIN
ne?S, cannot tell.
II he breaches at night always arrives after
the audience is seated and waiting; sometimes.
| II there is a crush, he has to rise mysteriously
through trap door IN the pulpit, as many
nave seen Parson Beecher do; this sIwavs pro
duceS hne efect--so theatrical and striking.
Before his entrance the gas is turned down to a
moonlight meilowness, and a dim obScurity
broods over the conGre CATION; the organ is
silent.
But the moment arrives; the popular preacher
enters; the gas blooms into magnificent bril-
lance; the ladies bend eagerly forward and a
mumurous expectancy permostes the air; silks
rustic and feathers and fans wave; the organ
peaS grand voluntary, and the minister slow.
" mounting the richly carpoted stairs sinks
INTO the silkenpulpit cushions and opens hymn
book
is it the worship ofGod or man. sadly asks
my friend B., whom had accompanied to the
exhibition. do not know, cannot answer
him, hut think Of the poor Publican who stood
aiar off and smote upon his breast and cried
God be merciful to me a sinner