Delaware weekly Republican. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1841-188?, 1857-12-17


sIt can't do you much harm, John, for twas
an amazing small piece you had anyway
Some one says that dogs bark W til such
zeal when one enters their masters y rd, la;
'0ne would suppose they owned the premises,
and that their master was only a boarder.'
A wag in one of our Southern Legislatures,
perceiving a musquito alight on neighbor's
| hand immediately arose, and addressing the
chair, requested that said mosquito have leave
to withdraw his bill.
'Mother, may have sledp
| eyes, ask your father.'
'oh, no, you ask him, you have been ac.
quanted with him longer than have.
Julius-Why am de helobed of my heart,
Miss Dinah, de sunaower OBJ de hill, like kind
oh cloth dey make in Lowell 2
Sam don't know, Niger why1
Julus-0os she's an unbleached Sheting.
.'NO ono would take you for what you are
said IN old-fashiohed gentleman, day or two
ago, to would-be dandy, who bad more hair
than brains.
sWhy,' asked Joe.
because they can't sec your ears
Julius, what part OBJ de ceremonies do de
ladies' most admire when they go to church3''
'Well, Pompey, can't tell dat
sWhat is itl'
why, OBJ course, it's de hims.'
A man in Oakland, while in fit of night
mare, dreamed that he was horse, and tha-
his wife was hostler, going to curry him downt
At this point in his dream, he kicked his
spouse out of bed.
'Keep your dog away from mel' said a dandy
to butcher boy.
'Darn the dog replied the boy, she's al
ways after puppies'
10, Mary, Mary, my heart is breaking"
IQ tcN fr1h tIa l.aNt =.
sir
sWhy so, my idol q
Because, when it is broken, you can sell the
pieces for guu-fints.'
Dr. johnson once dined with q Scottish
lady who had hash for dinner. Alter the Doc
tor had tasted it, she asked him if 1t was good.
'lt is good for hogs, ma'am,' said the Doc
ter.
pray said the lady, 'let me help you to
some more.' .t
'TalLin' oflaw,' says Pompey, makes me
tinS oh what do mortal Cato, who live most a
thonsan' years ago, once said do law is a
groun' glass winder, dat'give light enough to
light us poor erin mortals in de dark passages
ob dis liiei but it would puzzle the debbil him
self TO see troo it.
'Will you give me them pennies now7' said
a big newsboy to a little one after giving him
severe humping.
sNo, | won't was the reply. s4
Then I'll give you another pounding.
'Pound away. Me an DR.. Franklin agrees;
DR.. Franklin says: Take care Of the pence,
and the pounds will take care of themselves.
A beyy of little children were telling their
father what they got at school. The eldest +,
reading, spelling and definitions. Sand what
do you get, My little one2' said the father-A---
rosy checked little fellow, who was
time driving ten penny nail into owls
panel. sMei-ehl 1 gets reading from
and spaEkins.' sssiiS
'Youns man, do you believe in Iutu
state2
Sin course l does; and what's more, l
tend TO enter it as soon as Betsy gets her tn
ready
$50 to-young man, you are incorrigi
$50 two2 lift was not for the law az
bigamy, would go a dozen.'
An anecdote is told Of an English bar
who observed to his customer that there
'cholera in the hair
Then hope you are somewhat particular
about tho brushes you use.'
s0h,' said the barber, Il do not mean the
'air Of the 'eal but the hair of the has~saa
celebrated Mr.. Jeffrey found it necessary to
make free with the character ofa military Off
Ger who was present during the whole haran-
que. Upon hearing himself several times
spoken of as the soldier the son of Mars,
boiling with indignation, interrupted the
plcader; 'Don't call me solder, sir 1 am
an officer.
Mr.. Jeffrey Immediately went on: 'Well,
gentlemen, this officer, lDho is no soldier, was
the sole cause of the mischief that has oc-
cared
A Coon NATURED JoKE.-It was told as a
good -natured joke, Of an old doctor, that be-
ing on visit to village where he lad spent
the earlier part of his life in practice, he ono
morning before brealSfa.t went into church,
yard near the house where he was stopping
Breakfast being placed upon the table, the
doctor was inquired for. II beeve,' said the
servant, who had seen where he went, shat he
has gone to pay visit to some of his old pa
tents.'
A queer story is going the rounds, of an
Arkansas man who owned an estate of Sc, 1000,
who went oil and was not heard of four years.
Administration on his estate was granted, his
property distributed, and his affairs wound up.
But one day the poor fellow came back, ap-
peared az the Probate Court, and insisted that
he was alive, where upon the judge few into a
violent passion, and threatened to commit him
for contempt of court, for daring to dispute
the record. The poor man fed, and has not
since been heard of.
ALL FOR THE BEsr.--Old father Hodge was
queer dick, and in his own way made every
thing a subject of rejoicing. His son Ben came
to him one day and said
sFathcr, that old black sheep has got two
lambs.'
Good says the old man; sthat's the most
profitable sheep on the farm.'
'BuU one of ems dead,' returned Ben.
sI'm glad ont, says the father, 'it will be
better for the old Sheep
'But the t'other is dead too," says Ben.
so much the better rejoins Hodge; 'she
will make grand piece of mutton in the fall.'
Eyes, but the old sleeps dead, too ex-
| claimed Ben.
Dead dead what the old sheep dead =
cries old Hodge; that's good, darn her; she
was always an ugly old scamp
FUN IN CouRT.-A ludicrous item OF testl-
| mony was squeezed out of village gallant at
! Medina in the course of the Coroner's investi-
| CATION. MIR. Amnadab Doolittle was called
on the witness stand, blusning in anticipation
| OF the revelations he might be called upon 10
make. John w. Graves, Fsq., who conducted
J the case, put him through as follows:
/ Graves-Whcre were you on Sunday even
! ing last 2
| Doolittle-At the Methodist Church, sir.
| Graves Where did you go after church,
| sirT
| Deolitlle-I went down to Centre street.
Grages-How far down Centre street did
yougo6
Doolitue-well, 1 went down to O..
| street.
Grayes-what house did you go to on c.
| street7
Duolittle-Well, went-I went lowell, |
don't know as am obliged to tell where 1
| wont