The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1857-08-07
Gf'roln the Leavenworth Times, July 2j.l
yn GREAT IS0THERMAL WAR
Full Particulars Of ye Proceedings ol
ye Troops.
yE LAWRENCE FANATICS supDuEI
Triumph of We Union and we Constitu
tion, to Say Nothing of We Goy-
ernor and Providence.
YE GOVERNOR SUCKS BEVERAGES.
QUIET SECURED.
MO Blood Shecas,
YE GRAND FINALE.

j
his cxcellency, Major General Rob
ert J. Walker, VIC instinctively fell
a glow OF generous pride, and imme
mediately dispatched a corpse o
prying and inquisitive reporters t,
note down everything Of interest oil
importance that transpired. In this
way we we're enabled to present 6
full account of our Governors patri
otic doings. Before giving our re
ports, however, it may lie we'll tc
state that the Union is all o. X.
and the dignity of the laws vindica
ted. 1t is also generally surmised
that the comet was just abont tc
suaslI us into chaos when his Errat
ic Highness heard of Walker, anc
plunged off into space at an astonish
ing rate of speed, What do we moi
owe His Excellency?
LAWRENCE, SATURDAY NIGmT.
Walker pale and thoughtful -
prespired freely all night-said d--r
once in my hearing. 1t created
fearful excitement. Troops full ol
enthusiasm-Walker read his procla.
nation to them, and then got under
the influence Of beverages.
SUNDAY MORNING.
The Governor had q restless night
Troubled with bad dreams. Law
renee quiet. Troops expect an at.
tack from the citizens.
10 O'CLOCK, A, N.
No attack been made-Walker
rode into the city-took a sherry
cobler and called for a straw-took
a little water and sugar with wills
key in it--muttcred something -
went out to the troops. Terrified
excitement in camp.
Noon.
Walker INDUCES in beverages fre
quently. Crowd seen in the streets,
Troops ordered to form. Crowd dis.
covered to be persons coming from
the Church. His excellenqy takes u
little gin.
NIGnT.
Whiskey been working. Cover.
nor tight. Troops grumble. Walk
er wants to raze Lawrence. All go
TO sleep.
MONDAY EVENING.
Walker dispatched 1872 dragons
this morning to arrest an audacious
younaster who was selling pea nuts
in violation Of the organic act, and
our beloved Constitution. Boy to
be tried by Court Martial for high
treason. Governor somewhat boozy
TUESDAY EVENING.
Walker said he'd be gol darned it
he ever sweat 80 in his life. Says he
has put on a clean shirt every day
to make such sacrifices for
the peace OF the country and the
Union. Little boy discharged. -
ilnbibes too much.
WEDNESDAY EvEsINo.
Troops damn Walker and Walk
er damns the troops. Both want to
know what the devil to do. Wealth
er awiul. The Governor thinks he
like the army. Dog heard
,rowling and company sent to arrest
him. Dog escapes. The Governor
three sheets in the wind.
THURSDAY EVENING.
His Excellency has the bowel com
plaint. Takes paragonc. Troops
growl and Walker swears like a
trooper. The citizens don't seem to
mind the presence Of the army
Governor says he feels blamed mean
and DANCED small. Gets tight and
Oblivious.
FRIDAY EVENING.
Walkers got the headache--says
he's been sold--thinks he won't be
the next President. Damns Repub-
lies and Kansas. Troops laugh and
snicker--whiskey shops do a staving
business. The Governor says he's
going home-don't think his mother
knows he's out. All quiet in the
city. Walker inebriated.
This last dispatch was received
just before going to press, and con,
vinces US that the Governor has had
a most glorious and successful cam.
paign. The arresting Of that pea
nut boy was q master stroke, and ev-
cry act Of the Governor during the
crisis, was worthy OF the
hero and the man.
We fear that our reporters are dis
posed to make light of the matter,
and we stamp upon some Of their in.
situations the mark Of our most de.
cided disapprobatior. Gov. Walk.
or, give us your hand! You are all
right on the goose, and the country
will sometime acknowledge indebt.
sdness, unless, as you say, "Repub-
lies are ungrateiul."
But believe this, impartial history
viii do you justice, and that no
,rightnr page will appear in our
'ountry's history than that whereon