davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

er words, although Nature has her limits,
they extend farther in minuteuess as well as
in.vaStness than our powers of conception
can enable US to apprehend. Without 60
ing farther than the case of animalcula, as
exhibited by the magnifying powers of the
microscope, we can ascertain that animalcula
themselves, so small as to be impalpable to
the naked eye, are preyed upon by others as
much smaller than they, as they are to the
vegetable or animal productions on which
they exist A single grain of blue vitriol
will give fine blue tinge to six gallons of
water, and to similar quantity less than a
grain of cochineal will communicate fine
bright purple. Asingle grain of musk will,
for many years, give very perceptlble
odour to room in which it is placed. Yet
the air which it each instant perfumes, is at
every instant making way for the unperfum'
cd air of the external atmosphere.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

The dignitaries of the Bench were, of course,
indignant, and sent the epistle back, with a
demand for an explanation; when it appear
ed that the man intended 70 address them,
not as Judges, but as Lndirtduals."
This reminds US of lapsas penno', which
occurred somewhere in Georgia, in more
modern times: "An ignorant fellow, in
petition to the Justices of the Inferior Court
of certain county, addressed the honorable
gentlemen as 'jus'-asses," not more to their
indignation than 10 the mirth of the wags OF
the county, who declared that the term was
exceedingly apt, particularly the last part OF
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
THE IRISH SCHOOLMASTER'S
RHETORIC.

Come hither vid yourself, you little o.
Shangnashane bring your primer in your
hand, and your copperin your fst-bloW your
nose, and hold up your head like a man !;
arrah, now, don't be hunting the flies across
the ceiling, but cock your eye, and look
straight at your book.
You see that letter, which looks for all the
world like the gable end of your fathers
cabin, with beam across it; now, that is
called A, agusee A: and that letter, the next
door neighbor, is namesake to the little JON
tleman that sucks the flowers, fill the honey
pots, and carries long sting at his tail !;
that is master B, and B stands for blubber-
lip-arrah, now, what makes you put out
your lips so for? Tuck in the selvage of
your mouth, blow your nose, and hold up
your head like a man. The next is, for all
the world, like the sign of the half moon,
where Judy ,Maglutery sells ale and whis-
key, and that is C, aud stands for cobblers,
or coppers; and you see that next, that is for
all the world like the broken handle of pair
of snuffers-that is called D, and D stands
for daughtcr-agusee, blubberlip, cobbler,
copper, daughter And the next is called
E, which the English fats (botheration to
them) call EE, as if they were two of them.
By my shoul, they may as we'll say cheek
handkerchief that was made for the nose ::
arrah, that's true, blow your nose again
And the next you see, that is like gibbet,
with a little plug half way up, for the hang
man to set his foot upon Heaven bless
you, my dear, and keep your mothers son
from the like of it, my jewel5 Well, that
is called F, and stands for FIVE. And that
next is what the carmen say when they want
their horses to 60 further t'other way, aod
that is called G., which stands for ginger
bread. And if any person should ask you
now which of your hands 60 barefoot for
want of glove? you may say Fl, which is
the same as both, and stands for horses; and
J, stands for joekies, and now, my little fel-
low, agusee, blubberlip, cobblers, copper,
daughter, eat up five gingerbread horses,
jockies and ALL Och, mercy on ME, what a
devil of twist have for scholarship! Now,
my jewel I've taught you one third of your
lesson, and I'll teach t'other two halves when
you have knocked this under your scollop.
So, now run home vid yourself, before the
spalpeens ate up the buttermilk and peratles,
my jewel.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

A STRONG CASE AGAINST DCELLING.
Lord Byron, as it is we'll known, was much
CALLED with some severe structures made by
Southey, the poet, on his character and wri-
tings, and announced his intention of de-
manding "the satisfaction due to gentle
man." For some reason the challenge was
ueverscnt, but, in anticipation of it. the Lau-
reatc prepared the following reply, which
was found among his papers:
"Sir: have the honor of acknowledging
the receipt of your letter, and do myself the
pleasure Of replying to it without delay In
affairs of this kind the parties ought to meet
upon equal terms. But to establish equality
between you and me, there are three things
which ought to be done and then fourth
also becomes necessary before can meet
you on the field. First-You must marry
and have four children; please to be partcu-
lar in having them girls. Second-You
must prove that the greater part of the pro-
vision you make for them depends on your
lllE, uuu YOU Ill UuSI UC VI AOui
thousand pounds not to be hanged, not to
commit suicide, and not to be killed in a
duel-which are the conditions upon which
| effected an insurance on my own life for
the benefit of my wife and daughters
Third must tell three distinct talsehoods
concerning you upon the hustings, or in some
other no less public assembly; and l shall
neither be able to do this, nor to meet you
afterward in the manner you propose, unless
you can perform the fourth thing--which is;
You must convert me from the Christian re-
ligion. Till all this can be accomplished,
our dispute must be carried on without the
use of any more iron than is necessary for
backing our ink or mending our pens; or
any more lead than enters into the compost
tion of the Edinburgh Review.
I have the honor to subscribe myself, sir,
with all proper consideration, r..
ROBERT SoUTnEY."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

MINUTENEss OF OBJECTs.-While pom
dering on the "worlds around worlds stu
pendous rolling" among which our globe,
vast as it is, seems but an atom, we are as
founded by the immensity of the universe.
No less astonished must we be when, turn
ing from the consideration of the mighty
whole, we contemplate the minute subdivis-
ions of the material world. Though it is
not true that matter may be infinitely subdi-
yided, in the strict and extended sense of
the word, yet it is demoustrable that it can
be subdivided beyond any fractional part
which can be indicated by figures. =: In 9TH
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
an1nstrlg 8eaa1ag,
REwaRE OF THE WIDOW.


The widow is o dangerous thing,
With soft, black, shining curls;
And looketh more bewitcbing ,. .-
Than host of romping girls;
Her laugh is so delicious
So knowing, clear, beside
You'd never dream her thinking
Soon to become bride.
Her dress, though made of sable,
Gives roundness to her form
A touch Of something thoughtful,
A witching, winning charm;
And when she sits down by you,
With quiet, easy grace,
A tear may fall unbidden,
Or smile light upon her face.
Her voics is soft, melodious,
And lute-like in its tone,
She sometimes sighs "'Tis dreadful
To pass through life alone J"
Then she'll tell you, you remind her
Of the loved one dead and gone:
Your steps, your form, your features
Thus the widow will run on.
Oh! listen, yet be careful,
For well she plays her part;
Her lips distill the nectar
That doth enslavc the heart;
Be guarded, or she'll win you
With sighs, and smiles, and tears,
And when you're safely welded
She may box your silly ear!
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
BOUND TO MARRY SOMEBODY.

A young couple from Southern Illinois, or
Egypt came to the city the other day, for
the avowed purposes of getting hitched to-
gether in the traces of matrimony. The
bride was full-grown, red checked, sandy
haired maiden, with well.developed bust,
and foot like the Cincinnati platform
broad enough to cover the whole country
Her gallant was six feet and an inch, with
a fist like sledge hammer. and a shock of
hair like the remains of a small hurricane.
He was rather verdant to be so far from
home but as love can transmogrify an oys-
ter into sword-fsh, it was working wonders
in the enamored sucker. He s'put up" with
his intended at clearinghouse uptown,
and Immediately started to get shave and
Justice of the peace. The barber took of
his wiry beard in short order and gently him
ted that he wanted shampooning.
aSham what ?" said the IllinoiSan-nevcr
having heard the term used before. On be-
ing told what shampooning meant, he con-
sented to undergo the operation-his head
was thoroughly secured and scrubbed, lath-
cred and rubbed, washed and squeezed,
and he felt like new man But the sham
pooning had so bewildered his brain that
when he left the barber's he was perfectly
oblivious as to the course he should steer to
return to his bride. He wandered about
the city in perfect bewilderment and has
not been seen since.
The lady, in the meantime, had awaited
in great anxiety for the return of her swain,
and finding he did not come, concluded that
he had incontinently absquatulated. She
declared, however, that she would never 60
back to Egypt without 'feller,' of some
sort, and limited that she wasn't over partic-
ular what name she went by hereafter. A
good-looking young boatman' who was stop
ping at the house, hearing of the young la
dy's distress, concluded to 'buck up himself
he was not long in making known his in
tention, and his advances were received IN
about the same spirit that pet cat submits
to the caresses of soft hand. When the
boatman put the important question, the girl
replied,
"Well, I don't care eff do. Twas focht
over here to git married, and am bound to
marry somebody afore I 60 back. The gals
in the bottom would never git done laughing
at me eff I went home without feller."
The couple were accordingly united in due
form, and when last heard from were the
happiest pair this side of Salt Lake.
1St. Louis Herald.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12


PHYSICAL ASPECT OF MAN.-We see
from an English journal that an examination
of twenty thousand infants at the Materuite
in Paris, gives for the weight of a new born
child six and quarter pounds. At Brus-
sells the same mean value holds good. 1t is
further stated that for about week after
birth, this weight undergoes an actual dimi-
mutton, owing to the tissue destruction which
issues through the establishment of respira-
ton, and which for a time exceeds the gain
from nutrition For this same age, the male
infant is heavier than the female; but this
difference gradually diminishes, and attwelve
years their weights is sensibly the same
Three years later, at the period of puberty,
the weight is Che half of what it is finally
to be, when fai development is revealed.
The maximum weight eventually attained is
little more than twenty times that at birth,
this holding for both sexes; but since the
newborn female weighs less than the STAN
dsrd, and the new born male more, the
weight of the adult male is 137 lbs., and
of the female 121 lbs. The mean weight of
man, irrespective of his period of>life, is
about 1O7 lbs.; and of woman, nearly "a
lbs. The mean weight of human being,
without reference either to age or sex, is
about 80 lbs. NJ. Quetelet, to whose re-
searches the Maternite is indebted for the
above statistics, gives it as his opinion that
communities seem to be under the influence
of Interchangeable laws as much as individ-
uals; In communities, man commits the
same number of murders each year, and
does it with the same weapons. We might
enumerate beforehand, how many individuals
will imbrue their hands in the blood of their
kind, how many will forge, how many poi
son; very nearly as we enumerate: before
hand, how many births and deaths will take
place.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

RULES OF HEALTH FOR MARRIED LADIES.
Get up at three o'clock in the morning,
clean out the stove, take up the ashes, sweep
the front sidewalk, and scrub the front steps,
nurse the baby, put the mackerel to soak,
build the fires, grind the coffee, get out your
husbands things to warm, see the skirt air.
ed, boil the mackerel, settle the coffee, set
the table, rouse the house, carry up some not
water for shaving, to that brute of a lazy
husband, and dry the morning paper. By
this time you will have an appetite for break
fast. Hold the baby during the meal, as
you like your breakfast cold.
After breakfast, wash the dishes, nurse
the baby, dust everything, wash the windows,
wash aud dress the baby-(that pantry wants
cleaning out and scrubbing)-nurse the ba-
by, draw the baby in his wagon five or SIX
miles for the benefit of his health; nurse
him when you return; put on the potatoes
and cabbage (nurse the baby and corn beef,
(don't forget to nurse the baby and the tur-
nips, and nurse the baby sweep everything;
take up the dinner, set the table, fill the
castors, change the table-cloth, (there, the
baby wants nursing) Eat your dinner, call
again, and-nurse the baby.
After dinner, wash the dishes, gather up
all the dirty clothes, and put them in soak,
nurse the baby every half-hour, receive a
dozen calls intersperse'l with nursing the
baby; drag the baby mile or two, hurry
home, make biscuit pick up some Goldfish,
cut some dried beef. Catnip tea for baby's
internal disarrangement; hold the baby an
hour to quiet him, put some alcohol in the
metre; baby specimen of perpetual mo-
ton, tea ready, take yours cold, as usual,
After tea, wash up the dishes, put some
fish to soak, chop some hash, send for more
sugar gracious; how the sugar does go)-
and thirteen cents pound get down the
stockings and darn them-keep on nursing
the baby-wait up till twelve o'clock nursing
the baby, till husband comes with double
shuttle on the front steps, decided Difficult
ty in finding the stairway, and determina-
ton to sleep in the backyard Drag him
up stairs to bed, then nurse the baby and 60
to sleep. Women in delicate health will
find that the above practice will either kill
or cure them.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
M[istellaneous.
THE INFLUENCE OF CITY LIFE.

-
Rev. DR.. Scott, formerly of New Orleans,
the eminent Presbyterian Divine has been
lccturing before the Mercantile Library As
sociation of San Francisco His views of the
influence of city life on youth widely differ
from many who have treated OF the subject,
but are we'll worthy attention:
"The country and the village may be the
best place oftkc birth and early training of
youth but it is in the excitement of the city
that the highest developments of mind are
made The powerful minds that have sway
ed the destinies of mankind, though not
commonly born in great city have general
" gone to reside there, to feel the pressure
of that activity which would draw out their
strength, and to find u theatre suitable for
their talents. Our men Of letters have their
homes in or near our largest cities. Hume,
whose authority is great in all matters of
mere literary experience, says that great
city is the only fit residence for man Of let
ters This is true. In the country there
may be leisure, but there will be a want of
impulse for intellectual pursuits The mind
languishcs in the midst of Wilderness
'Tis better in the development of intellect,
to dwell in the midst of alarms than reign
in a horrible solitude. The mind without
congenial spirits stagnates. 1T gathers the
rust of decay as the immortal Chatham
says, sby its mere distance from sympathy
and example, See his polity of cities. 1t
is the presence of libraries and literary men,
and under the pressure of intense excitement
that the human mind ordinarily comes forth
in its greatest power"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

AGE OF FowLs.-The age Of the domes-
tic cock varies from seven to ten years. They
have been known to live longer than this
Button, indeed, asserts that they may reach
twenty years; but, unfortunately for them,
we have no interest in preserving their life
for any longer time, and it is only by some
rare accident they are allowed to die of old
age. Aged fowls are readily recognised by
their listlessness, the few eggs they lay, the
great length of the period of moulting, the
length of the spurs, which are also found Oh
the females, as well as the disposition to
crow, and the roughness of the feet and
combs. ...- .... ~.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
THE LAW OF NEWSPAPERS.

l. Subscribers who do not give express notice
TO the contrary, considered as wishing to con-
tinucthcir subscription.
2. If subscribers order the discontnuance of
their papers, the publisher can continue to send
them until all arrearages are paid.
g. If subscribers neglect or refuse to take their
papers from the Office to WHICH they are directed,
they are held responsible till they settle their bill,
and order the paper discontinued
d. If any subscriber removes to another place
without informing the publisher, and their paper
issent to the former direction, they are held re-
sponsiblc.
s. The Court bas decided that refusing to take
Newspaper from the office, or removing and leav-
ing it uncalled for, is prima acie evidence of on
intentional fraud.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
G5eYYorkb billeGnq1|irer
ISSUED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING,
Two Dollars per year, in Advance.

n@- To CLUBS oE Ten, the paper will be furn-
ished, one year, for Fifteen Dollars--invariably
in advance. All subscriptions not specially limited
at the time Of subscribing will be considered as
made for m indefinite period, and will be contnu-
ed until all arreangcs paid, or at the option of
the Proprietors. Subscriptions from other States
must INVARIABLY be accompanied with the cash or
the name of some responsible person known to us.
gea. ADVERTISEMENTS will be inserted at One
Dollar per square for the first, and Thirty-sevcn-
and-a-half Cents for each subsequent Insertion
square to consist of twelve lines Brewer, or lcss
Business Cards, Of halfsquare or less, will be in
serted at S5, per year. For advertising Estrays
Tollcd, 81; Citations, 81; Notices of Application
to the Legislature, S5; to be paid by the persons
handing in the advertisements. Monthly or Quar-
terly Advertisements will be charged One Dollar
per square, for each insertion. Contracts by the
year will be taken on liberal tcrms-the contracts
however, must in all casesbe confined to the i'm
mediate business of the firm or individual con-
tracing. All advertisements not having the num-
Der of insertions marked on the margin, will be
continued until forbid and charged accordingly.
Obituary Notices exceeding one square in length,
will be charged for the overplus at regular rates.
Tributes Of Respect rated MS advertisements.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
THINGS ONE WOULDLIKETo SEE.

THINGS ONE WOULD IlKETOSE SEE.
A fashionable boot-maker who was not
from Paris
A full grown snob who was not self-con-
stituted inspector of ladies' bonnet Innings.
A male pedestrian, divorced from his cane
who knew what to 60 with his hands.
A man who could hold an umbrella prop
erly over lady's bonnet; or, keep his tenn
per when he had to wait ten minutes for his
dinner or breakfast or, who was ever Gre
fused" by lady.
4 milliner who could be bribed to make
q bonnet to cover the head.
A dressmaker who did not consider a
"perfect ft' to consist in an armour OF
whalebone, and breathless squeeze.
A husbands relatives who could speak
well of his wife.
A doctor who had not more patients than
he could attend to.
A bachelor whose carpet did not wear out
first in front of the looking g-glass.
A washerwomen who ever lost an article
of clothing.
A public speaker who did not search fol
the lost thread of his discourse in the con-
venient tumbler of water at his elbow.
An editor whose arithmetic was not de.
fective when al!uding to his subscription
list
A handsome child who did not grow up
to be homely.
A married man who could give the right
hand of fellowship to wife's old lover; or,
take hint from the toe of her slipper, un,
der the table, before company; or, was not
anxious lest his favorite dish should give his
wife the headache, if she ate of it.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

A SLIP OF THE PEN.-In the early days
of the colony of Massachusetts,, an honest
farmer had occasion to address the Judges
of the highest legal tribunal of the province
The letter was received, and the clerk of the
Court proceeding to read it, came to this
strange sentence: Il address you, not as
Jrdges, but as Indian devils" He hesi-
tated and looked at the sentence again very
carefully. eyes," said he, "he actually
addresses your honors as Indian devils p
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

ag As newly married couple from
down east were ono night lying in bed, talk
ing over "matters and things" heavy thun-
der-storm arose. The loud peals Of thunder
and vivid flashes of lightning filled them
with terror and fearful apprehensions. Sud-
denly tremendous crash caused the loving
couple to start as though they had received
an electric shock. Jonathan, throwing his
arm around his dear, exclaimcd-'Hug up
to me Liz, let's die like men,
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

PAT.-Pat was hungry, and got out OF the
cars for his refreshment. The cars very
thoughtless went on without him. Pats ire
was up. 8. .. ...
"Ye spalpeen!' he cried, starting on
run, and shaking his fist, as he flew after the
train, "stop, there, yc old stamc-wason; ye
murthering stamc .engine-ye've got pas
senger aboard that's left behind.
The stame. .waggin was relentless, aud the
passenger "aboard," that was left behind
had to stay behind. :
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12
LAW BLANKSls ).

WE have on hand, and arcprepared 10 supply
W at short notice, at the ENQUIRER Clhee,
mand, printed on good paper and neatly pressed.
We offer them at rs cents u quire. Single half
Quire so cents. As we have incurred considera-
bic outlay to:cnable US to furnish q coed article,
we will sell for CASH and CASH ONLY.
Our present stock consists Of the following va
rieties, viz: Sum Pro; FL. Fa. Fl. Fa on San.
Pro-; Copy Irii in Case; Copy Writ IL Dell, De-
cldration on account; Declaration on Promissory
Note; Declaration on Bond or. Sealed Note; Sub
pena Writs; Subpoena Tickets, g., !.
n@ 0rdcrsfrom distance promptly attended
to- if accompanied By the CASH.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1857-03-12

AT the time, of his birth, in August, 1856,
his father, who was then only Prince Dcux
Points, commanded the Alsace regiment IN
the service of France, which was in the gar
rison of Strasbourg. A few days after the
birth of his child, he was astonished to see
that all his grenadiers had cut Oft their
boards and moustaches. On inquiring why
they had done so, one of the men stepped
forward and said that they had determined
to beg his acceptance of a velvet mattrass
for the newly born prince and that they had
stuffed it with their boards and moustaches.
I have the mattrass still, said the King,
n and will showit to you" The mattrass was
produced, and the King added, 81 do not
think there is in the world bed which can
be more strictly military than that"