Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1857-12-16
BABIES.
the EIitors OF the Sunday Times,

To the Elitors Of the Sunday 1t1"es.
GrSTs-Martin Farquhar Upper, in his
''Proyerbial Philosophy" ian imposing citation,
by the bye,) saith that "a babe IN house Is a
well-spring of pleasure Had he sara ms oaoe'
it might have been true; but a babe includes the
babe as a race, and deny, most positively and
unaualffedly, that my babe is awell-spring of
pleasure To be sure he's got enough spring
in him, but then again he's never well-at least
so my wife says; and indeed she accounts for his
numerous little eccentricities by the pathetic
appeal OF "baby's so sicki"-and so am l. If
ever were sick of anything in this world, it's
of that COMPOUNDED baby of mine. There he
sits, staring at me now with his vacant eyes
a perfect well-spring of slobber and inarticulate
sounds Put him in crib, and he's perpetu-
ally crying; and If he falls out, of it he only
crys the more. He's never cOntented, either
with mis- lot or his cot.
Ny only consolation is in his growth. Not
withstanding he's all gr0dn now, they say that
when he's grown up he'll be more pacific in his
tendencies; that he won't have so many COLES,
and that won't have so many sleepless nights.
But, in the interim, while the baby's growing
what am to do ? Am to be sacrificed to his
necessity of. growth? Is there dollhouse
bed, where he may be forced into length, in
place of cribs, where he can't be forced in
to supincncss? If he were a girl, I'd make
him "a daughter of the regiment, but being
boy, that of course is impossible Every morn
.
sticking his finger in my eye. If | spank him
/ for it, he cries; but if don't, he sits on my
breast. grinning like young hyena, shouts
i ''papa,' and then makes dive for my nose
After sufficiently recreating himself in this pas
: time, he generally winds up by pulling my hair
out by the roots, and-t spank him, for there's
a limit to human endurance. His mother, so
for from being my ally, smothers him with kisses,
and tells me am so cruel :" When was
bachelor used to slHsh the flies that bothered
me in the morning, and this human fly only
spank; yet am condemned by its mother, who
( hugs the squaing brat and delivers herself of
an idiotic address to the infant, the burden of
which is Naughty papal Did naughty papa
/ hip little baby? Naughty papa! Sail nam
ma hip naughty papa!" with similar interesting
+ interrogatories in a similar dialect. A pretty
/ example that to set before child BAH I'm
sick Of "e little baby" One day he falls down
stairs, another day he swallows a pin; some
times he's got the measels, sometimes the scarlet
! fever, and sometimes the mumpS. AT present
/ he's in daily expectation of the whooping cough.
! What hullaballo we'll have then! Not con-
I tent with Ehooping all through his hitherto
short career, he intends to introduce cough =
I probably hollow, reverberating cough. a hor-
rible idea suggests ITSELF Could | ever have
/ been baby, could ever have gone through
course of sproutS2 There's one thing certain,
! I'm going through a course of them now
Happy indeed the lot of the bachelor, whose
second childhood is postponed to a late period
| of his existence! whereas, the married man en-
dures second chldhoodin his prime; and may
all bachelors take wariing by me, and, in shunn-
ing the Charybdis of single life; not run upon
! the Scylla silly affirmative of marriage. IL.
/
WHETHER you are playing on the stage or the
world, your characters should be well dressed.
Broadcloth is generally received with smiles
though covering a rascal; while linsey woolsey
i is rather run upon, though covering patriot.
| The women of Poland have awatchful eye on
their daughters, and make them wear little bells
on their persons, to denote where they eand
/ what they are about
sHANs-A feeling that overtakes people not
because they have done wrong but because they
/ have been found out.
! Or one of the rivers in Iowa. the only ferry is