Smyrna times., 1857-10-28
Humorous Sketches.
From THE DRAwER-Harper's Maga.ine.


c lite than Captain Spikes We have heard be.
e fore Of Il gentleman who was passing sitting
, hen, and said, Don't rise madam . but Mr.,
SturgS had never heard of this gentleman, u nd
d the other day he came to the trough with his
horse, and found hen in it on her nest lie
bowed TO the hen, and said, very politely, Don't
disturb yourself, madam I'm not going to fus-
trate, no how, madam; lay on--iay on-Ill
take another trough - And touching his hat.
he bowed himself out of the presence OF the
I fair fowl.
"" Here we have a handful of very clever
things by a correspondent who will do US u
favor by remembering that one good turn de-
serves another. II writes:
OAe OF those inconsistent fellows, of whom
we have some even in this duelIng region.who
THINK It no SIN TO abuse a man ever so roundIy
with ther tongues but great sin to foht, re-
ccIVed u welI-ncrltcd rebuke the other day
HIS Old man was up, as it often was, and he
wound up his abuse by adding,
al would give you what you need but YOU
KNOW my hands are tied
- Them SAID the other, YOU oupbt to keen
your tongue tied ,"
we think SO too A little the meanest man
out is one who pretends to be SO religious that
ne cannot fight, but has not religion enough 10
restrain him from insulting his neighbor.
" Mr.. Jenkins was dining at a yerv hosnita.
bic table, but piece of bacon near hun was 50
very small that the lady of the house remarked
10 hIm:
Fray, Mr.. jenkins, help yourself to the
bacon. Don't be afraid Of it!'
NO, indeed, madam, shall not be. I've
seen piece twice as large, and it didn't scare
me u bit
There is no end to the sayings of John Ran.
dop, Of Roanoke. send you the toIlowins.
as one OF his best, and do not know that it has
ever been IN print:
randolph was IN tavern, lying on a sofa |
IN the parlOr, waiting for the stare to come 10
Ihe door a dandlied chap stepped into the
room with whip in his hand, lust come from
drive, and standing before the mirror. arranred
his har and collar, quite unconscious of The
presence of the gentleman on the sofa. After
attitudlnIzlng while, he turned TO 20 out
when MI Randolph asked him,
las the stage come!'
Stage, sir stage! said the fop; 1--we
nothing to do with it, sir.
On beg your pardon said Randolph,
quietly; Il thought you gcre The driuer -
OI1- Kentucky correspondent says-and
probably he is right about it-that Tom Mar.
shall Is now made the father Of all the rood
hits that have been made in that region for half
century past, and then he tells the following:
General Perkins and Tom Marshall were
cahVdsslng The State III hotly-contested eiec-
ton. The General was a roaring Democr,t
and by way Of catching the flats, was fond OF
Boosting that his father was a cooper hy trade
of fba Not
failing OF the General was his fondness for old
whlskcy, but the more he drank the mere of q
democrat he became, and the prouder of being
the sou OF cooper. OF this fact he had been
making the most, when Marshall, in REPLYING
to his speech, looked at him with great con
tempt, and said
Feliow-cltlzens, his father may have been
very good cooper don't deny that: but |
DO say gentlemen, he put a mighty poor head
Into that whisky barrel = "
o. There once lived in a neobboripc
county to this" writes friend, "o!d Dr. D..
who although a man of fine sense, was unfor
tuh"tely addicted to ntemperancc While
visiting the city at HawesVIlle, famous for its
coal mines, he was overcome by King Alcohol,
ana iell INTO drunken Sleep The boys Of the
place, fond OF iun, concluded that they would
carry the Doctor INTO one of the coal mines to
see what effect it would have upon hun when
he awOke. After an hour or two the Doctor
opened his eyes, and seeing so many black.facod
men with lamps ia the side OF their CABS very
naturally concluded that he was IN the other
world. As soon as the miners discovered that
ne was awake one OF them approached him
with bottle, and asked him to drink.
"'No, thank you, Mr.. Devil. quit drink.
ing three weeks before | left the other world !
replied the Doctor"
0~T clever correspondent writes:
ain the fall of 1S40 was travelling, in COM
pany with Father Kidwell, from Richmond. In
diana, to Dayton, Ohio, TO attend a grand IIar-
rlsOn tandango. Mr.. Kidwel was lannon's
Universalist preacher, and warm politician.-
As we were riding along we passed u companv
OF IrIshnen at work on the road when Mr.
Kidwell roared out, at the top of his voice,
"' Hurrah for TIppecanoe, and Tyler too =
One OF the Patlanders responded most pro-
ianely by shouting,
- Hurrah for h--ll!'
"'Thats right, my FRIEND said Kidwey: Il
like to hear every man hurrah for his own conn
try {
I'VE had to whip up briskly to get out ofthe
reach of the stones which had followed us in
answer to this home shot
Some years ago Mr.. Kidwell was preaching
TO large audience in a wild part of Illinois.
and announced for his text: In my Fathers
house are many mansions lie had scarcely
read the words, when an old coon stood up and
said {
"'l tell you, folks, that's a lie /! know his {
father well. lie lives fifteen miles from Lex {
ington, in Old Kentuck, in an old log cabin,
and there amt but one room in the house. I
"At another time the same Univcrsalist {
preacher was holding forth in meeting house {
IN Terre HauteSE lie had gone about half
through his discourse when man came in, {
quite the worse for liquor, aud reeled up in {
front OF the pulpit, where he steadied himself
and listened The preacher was earnest in
proving that there is no hell, and urged the