davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14
POETRY
The Bachelors Dream.

Inc bdcneiOr'S Drediu'
By THOMAS HOOD.
My pipe is lit, my glass is mixed,
My curtains drawn, and all is snug,
Old Puss is in the elbow chair,
And Tray is sitting on the rug.
Last night had a curious dream,
Miss Susan Bates was Mistress Mogg-
What dye think of that my cat?
What dye think of that my dog?
She looked so fair, she looked so well,
could but WOO, and she was won;
Myself in blue, the bride in white,
The ring was placed, the deed was done
Away we went in chaise and four,
As fast as grinning boys could jog
What dye think of that, my catg
What dye think Of that, my dogg
What loving tete-a-tetes to come
What tete-a-tetes must still defer!
When Susan came to live with me
Her mother came TO livewith hei
With sister Belle she couldn't part,
But all my ties had leave to jog
What dye think of that, my catg
What dye think Of that, my dog?
The mother brought pretty Poll
A monkey, too, what work he made!
The sister introduced beau
My Susan brought favorte maid,
She had Tabby of her own
A snappish mongrel, christened Cog
What dye think Of that, my cat?
What dye think of that, my dogg
The monkey bit, the parrot screamed,
All day the sister drummed and sung;
The petted maid was such scold!
My Susan learned to use her tongue;
Her mother had such wretched health,
She sat and croaked like any frog
What dye think of that, my cat?
What dye think of that, my dog?
No longer Deary, Duck, and Love,
/ soon came down TO simple IN !"
The very servant crossed my wish,
Nv Susan let me down to them.
The poker hardly seemed my own,
might as well have been log
What dye think of that, my catg
What dye think of that, my dog?
NV clothes, they were the queerest shape!
Such coats and hats she never met
Ny ways, they were the oldest ways!
Ny friends were such vulgar set
Poor Tompkinson was snubbed and huffed
She could not bear that Mister Blogg-
What dye think of that, my cat?
What dye think of that, my dogg
At times we had spar and then
Mamma must mingle in the song
The sister took q sisters part
The maid declared her master wrong
The parrot learned to call me "Fool"
Nv life was like London fog
What dye think of that, my cat?
What dye think Of that, my dog?
My Susans taste was supertine,
As proved by bills that had no end;
l never had decent coat
never had a coin to spend
She forced me to resign my club,
Lay down my pipe, retrench my grog-
What dye think of that, my cat?
What dye think of that, my dog?
Each Sunday night we gave route
To fops and HirtS--a pretty list;
And when tried to steal away
found my study full Of whist
The first to come and last to go,
There always was Captain Hogg-
What dye think of that, my cat?
What dye think Of that, my dog?
Now was not that an awful dream
For one who single is and snug
With Pussey in the elbow chair,
And Tray reposing on the rug?
If must totter down the hill,
'Tis safest down without clog
What dye think of that, my cat?
What dye think of that, my dog?
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

I'LL CALL AROUND AND PAY.-Whata world
of woe is contained in these few words to the
poor artizan and mcdaniel "l'll call around
and pay" says the rich man, to avoid the trou-
ble OF going to his desk to get the necessary
funds, and the poor mechanic is obliged to 60
home to disappoint his workinen aud all who
depend upon him for their dues. 1t is an easy
matter to work; the only real glory in this life
is an independent idea OF being able to to sus-
tain yourself by the labor of your own hands,
and it may be easily imagined what crushing
force there is in "l'll call around and pay" to
the laboring man, who depends upon that pay
for subsistence. If those who could pay would
only pay at once, it would place hundreds and
thousands in a condition to do likewise and
would prevent much misery and distress.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14
To rise at five, and dine at nine,
To sup at five, and bed at nine,
Will n,oLa a man live IN ninatv-nina


The custom of dining at nine soon relaxed
Still persons of quality long after dined at the
latest at ten; and supper was at five or six in
the evening. Charles the Fifth used to dine at
ten, sup at seven, and all the court were in bed
by nine. They sounded the curfew. which
warned them to put ont their fires at six in the
winter, and between eight and nine in the sum-
mer.
In England similar change took place. But
in some degree it is change rather of name
than of the meals themselves. Our ancestors
would have called our luncheon dinner and our
dinner they would have called supper. 1t is a
curious fact that, in some of the colleges in Ok
ford, where allowances are made by the found
ers for the meals of their scholars, a much more
liberal sum is given for their supper than for
their dinner, implying that the supper was the
more substantial meal.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

It is related of clergyman, the late Rev. DR..
Milton, of Newburyport, who had Church
member named Mark, who was in the habit OF
sleeping in sermon time, that one day, in the
middle of his discourse, being about to elucidate
an important text, he exclaimed, MARK Mark !
Mark l say!"
The church dreamer, taken suddenly in the
depths of profound nap, started to his feet, in
tbe midst Of the congregation-when the preach
er continued, Mark the perfect man and behold
the unricht, for the end of that man is peace"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14
SABBATH SouooIs-The whole church is con-

SABBATH SoHooIs whole church is con-
cerned in the prosperity of Sabbath schools, even
in q secular point of view. As they increase,
what is of Infinitely greater Importance, knowl-
edge, good order,and piety VIII increase. Hence
it becomes every true friend OF congregation,
as sncb to encourage the institution by OCCASION
al visits bv the Gift of suitable books, which
NAV PASS from the Sabbath school library to a
hundred families by appropratlng sums OF mo-
ney for incidental expenses; oy defending the
institution from the attacks OF Ignorant ana
wicked men, and by earnest prayer to God.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

PIcTUnEs.-A room with pictures in it and a
room without pictures, differ by nearly as much
as a room with windows and room without
windows. Nothing we think is more melancho-
ly, particularly to person who has to pass mnch
time in his room than blank walls with nothing
on them for pictures are loopholes of escape to
the soul, leading it to other spheres. 1t is such
an inexpressibe relief to the person engaged in
writing, or even reading. on looking up, not to
have lis line of vision chopped square Oft by an
odious white wall but to find his soul escaping,
as it were, through the frame of all exquisite
picture to other beautiful, and perhaps ldyllic
scenes, where the fancy for moment may reve,
refreshed and delighted. Is it winter in your
world perhaps it is summer in your picture;
what charming momentary change and con-
trast And thus pictures are CONSIDERS OF lone
illness they are sweet fattery to the soul {;
they are relief to the jaded mind; they are
windows to the imprisoned thought; they are
books they are histories and sermons-whch
we can read without the trouble Of turning over
the eaves.-Home Jrurnal
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

INVENTION OF STAYs-Tradition insists that
corsets were first invented by brutal butcher
of the thirteenth century as punishment tor
his wife. She was very loquacious, and finding
nothing would cure her, he put pair OF stays
on her in order to take away her breath, and so
prevent her, as he thought, from talking. This
cruel punishment was inflicted BY other heartess
husbands. till at last there was hardlya wife in
al London who was not condemned to like in.
fiction. The punishment became SO universal
at last. that ladies, in their defence, made fash
ion Of it. and so it has continued to the present
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

A new baby chair has been invented. The
seat is supported by spiral springs which elong-
ate in proportion to the weight OF the occupant
of the chair, and a scale marked OH the frame
indicates the number of pounds weight. The
child is thus amused by the elastic motion of the
seat, while the parents may have the gratifca-
ton of noting its weight day by day. Proprie-
tors of babies please take notice.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

A FABLE.-A young man once picked up a
sovereign lying in the road Ever afterwards
as he walked along he kept his eyes fixed steadi-
ly upon the ground, in hopes to find another
And in the course of a long life he did pick up
at different times goody number of coins, gold
and silver. Bui all these years. while he was
looking down for them, he saw not the heavens
were bright above him, and nature beautiful
around. He never once allowed his eyes to
look up from the mud and fifth in which he
sought his treasure; and when he died-a rich
old mamie only knew this fair earth of ours
as dirty road in which to pick up money as
you walk along
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

A singular jubilee has jnst been celebrated at
Dresden Lieutenant Colonel Won Kockritz q
resident in that city. received at the battle OF
Jena ball in the breast, which penetrated
through to below the shoulder, and where 1t re-
mained. notwithstanding repeated attempts OF
the surgeons 10 extract it. On the l4th INST It
was iust fifty years that NJ. Won Kockritz had
lived with this ball in his body, and on that day
his comrades invited him to brilliant Jste and
him with silver ball bearing the IN
scription. "14th October, 1906 and 1906"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

Snow AND CRINoLINE.-Most of the towns
North of US have been visited with snow, and
shoveliug off the sidewalk has become a serious
business. Paths for gentlemen are soon opened,
but in some of the larger towns they are talking
Of special appropriations for shoveling them out
wide enough to admit the free passage of ladies
with hooped skirts, and with spitching off places
at intervals, so that when two skirts happen 10
meet they can pass
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

REMARKABLE FRlENpsHIp-Mr. Willis, in a
letter to the Home Journal tells the story of
Bayard Taylor's new home in Germany;
With German gentleman, who had been his
travelling companion in the East, he had formed
one of those friendships of which he had been
speaking-an inexplicatle interchange OF mag
netic recognition and trust. They were togeth-
er in scenes far remote from both their homes !;
and by unusual associations and by a sympathy
tina, had been reciprocaly complete; They par
ted-each to return to his own land, but with
out promise of correspondence; and it was some
time before Bayard heard from his German
friend-The missive, when it came, was start
ling, however 1t was formal conveyance to
him of an estate, to belong to him and his heirs
"a free gift and given irrevilsably, as a pledge
and token of friendship. The grounds were
complete, the house furnished.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

The number OF deaths in Philadelphia for the
year past to the 2Sth ult., from scarlet fever,
was nine hundred and forty-six. This is great
er mortality from that terrible disease than ever
was known there before
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

Our HoMEs.-What is their corner stone but
the virtue of woman, and where does social
well-being rest but in our homes Must we
not trace all other blessings of civilized life to
the doors of onr dwellings, Are not our hearth
stones guarded by holy forms, conjugal. tilial
and paternal love, the cornerstone of church
and state, more sacred than either, more neces-
sary than both9 Let our temples crulnble, and
capitos OF State be levelled with the dust, but
spare our homes. Let no socialist invade them
with his wild plans of community. Man did not
invent, and he cannot improve or abrogate them.
A private shelter to cover in two heats dearer
to each other than all the world; high walls to
exclude the profane eyes of every human being
secusion enough for children to feel that mother
is holy and peculiar name-this is home; and
this is the birth place Of every secret thought.
Here the church aud State must come for their
origin and support. OH spare our homes -
The love we experience there gives us our faith
in infinite goodness; the purity and dsinterest-
edness of our home is our foretaste, and our
earnest of better world. In relations there es-
tablisbed and fostered do We find through life
the chief solace and Joy of our existence
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

CrRE For MISUNDERSTANDING papers are pub
)ish;ng n recipe for hccoughs instantly. Some
say look at your thumbs 50 and 50, and fix your
sends Us the recipe, warranted eflectual Or the
monav refunded. He says, to cure hic-hic-hic-
ems tnrn YOUR (hic) self wrong side (hic) out,
and hic scrape the 9 Hand He does net mention
which olapd is 10 be scraped, but he probably
means fbe first gland you come across.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

1t is considered safe prediction that the re-
suit Of the next Presidential election will be
known in all the principal cities of Europe, and
possibly in India, on the morning OF the next day
after it has transpired.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

A Kansas paper asks why is itf our
government lands cost one dollar an acre on an
average, and champagne two dollars a oottle;.
How many man dies landless, who, during ~ ms
life has swallowed township, trees and all
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

ERRORS ABOUT TIE HONEY BEE.-The follow
ing remarks from the Albany Cultiyator may
correct some erroneous notions about the modus
0perandi of the industrious bee:
MANY suppose that the bee cuIls honey from
the nectar OF flowers, and simply carries it TO
his cell in the hive. This is not correct. The
nectar he collects from the flower is portion
of its food drink; the honey it deposits in its
cell is secretion from its mel6c, or honey-se-
creting glands; analogous to the milk secretipg
glands of the COW and other animals. If they
were the mere collectors and transporters Of
honey from the flowers to the hoDey-comb, then
we should have the comb frequently filled with
moasses. The honey-bag in the bee per-
forms the same functions as the cows bag or
udder-merely receives the honey from the Sc
cretiDg glands, and retains it till proper oppor-
tunity presents for its being deposited in appro-
pirate store.houses. the honey comb.
"Ano.her error is that the bee collects pollen
from the flowers accidently while it is in search
of honey. Quite the contrary is the fact. The
bee, when in search of nectar, or honey as it is
improperly called, does not collect pollen 1t
goes in search of pollen specially, and also for
nectar. When the pollen of the bower is ripe
and fit for the use of the bee there is no nectar
in the flower. 1t is generally supposed. also,
that the bee constructs the wax from which it
constructs its comb from such vegetable substan-
ces. This is also an error. The wax is secre-
tion from its body, rs the honey is; and it
makes its appearance in small scales or flakes
under the rings of the belly, and is taken thence
by other bees, rendered plastic by mixture of tho
saliva Of the bees mouth, and laid Oh the walls
of the cell with the tongue very much in the
way plasterer uses his trowel."
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

An attorney, on being called to an account
for having acted unprotessionally, in taking less
than the usual fees from his Client pleaded that
he had taken all Il man had, ard was hsnora-
bly acquitted.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

Broken ENGLIsII.-Under the head of eBro-
ken English" Paris paper places such London
ers as get mashed up by railroad collisions, or
financially busted.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

Dpop BY DROP falls into the clear well-spring
IF onr youth the bitter water of experience, and
there is no tilterer this side the grave that can
restore the old purity.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

sprSsrERs.-Formerly women were prohibit
oil from marrying till they had spun set of bed
furniture, and hence were entitled spinsters un,,
I'll married. Nowadays they spin street. yarn !!
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

EAST INDIAN JUeaLERY.-Madame Pfeifer, in
her Second Journey Round the World" gives
the following description of certain unexplained
feats of .uggery witnessed by her while sojourn-
ing through the East Indies :-"At the close OF
the entertainment the performance of Hercules
was really curious in its way. He appeared
with nothing on but a pair of drawers, and a
cord was passed around his neck, and with this
his hands and arms were so firmly tied behind
him that he could not make the smallest move
ment. He came to US to have the knots exam
ined, and then he crept under high covered
basket, beneath which various garments were
placed; and after the lapse of few minutes the
basket was lifted up and the Hercules made his
appearance completely clothed in them. Then
he crept again under the basket and came out
without them. but holding the cord with all its
knots fast in his hands, and so forth: All this
would, of course, have been nothing in thea
tire, where assistance might have been given
him, but this was in meadow where no assis-
tance was possible One of the gentlemen pres
ent offered him twenty-five rupees for his mys'
terry. but he declined the offer"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14
Staunton Spettator,
BY j. A. Il Il. WADDELL, Jr.
TERMS.


,1sg- The 'SPECTATOR" as published once a week
al T,co Dollars gear, paid aduanee, or laco Dot
lars and ffty Cents If delayed beyond tie erpiratioH OF
Me gear. No subscription iVW Be discontinued but at
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AD DVERTZSElfEN7So often lines (or less,) inserted
three times for dOlcr and tveatyfce cents for eacd
subsequent Continuance Larger advertisements inserted
IN the same proportion.
liberal discount made to those acho adgertiSs By the
gear en-
Professional Cards not exceeding liaes eoA be
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AU adgeriSing for less time than three months, tol
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subsequent issue,
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

1t is an extraordinary fact that when people
come to what is called high words they gener-
ally use low language.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

How TO MAKE A Boy VICE PREsIDENT-"Tom
MARSHALL has been edifying the Kentucky Su-
preme Court with one of his happiest "hits" 1t
was in o case, on which the Vice President e.
lect, Mr. breckenridge, and Garrit Davis.of KY,
We're opposing counsel. Mr.. Marshall's clients
son had been fogged by gentleman for tres
passing on his fsh-pond. Major Breckenridge
contended that the correction was a wholesome
and proper one, such as he had been subjected to
in his juvenile days, when caught in any mis-
chief Tom Marshall, in reply, said that both
gentlemen had endeavored to magnify him into
a great gentlelnan-Kentucky' greatest lawyer
and orator; aud both in their political speeches,
were in the habit OF expressing great confidence
in the sagacity and intelligence of the people
Now,he wished to be informed how it was thet,
with such great superiority of natural genius and
requirements, and with the additional advantage
of years over at least one of his adversaHes, he
remained PLAIN Tom Marshal, ,hammerilg mis-.
cradle existence out of o few law suits at the
bar while you, pointing to his opponent Jno.
@. Breckinridge. "who we're but tow-headed
shaver. robting birds nest and playing marbles,
when the whole broad Commonwealth of Ken
lucky was ringing from one end to the other
with praises Of the great eloquence, vast learn
ing and prodigious ability Of Tom Marshall are
now Vice President Of the United States2 and
you. Garrit Davis, wanted to be,and almost per-
suaded some very weak minded people to make
you President of the United States Now" pro-
ceeded Tom, "our Vice President says he used
to be hogged in his boyish days for just such
tricks as my clients son was tlogged for, and he
leaves us to inter- that so far from suffering any
damage thereby, it was one of the causes of his
progress and advancement to bis present high
position. lfmy client had only known this be-
fore, and if lie could be satisfied that his son was
spanked on the same spot that my distinguished
friend was so far from bringing this suit, he
would have acknowledged his profound graft
tude to the defendant for thus placing his scion
in the line of safe precedents, and giving him so
strong claim to the Vice Presidency. Doubt
less the political misfortunes and disasters ofmy
other distinguished friend are attributable to the
fact that, as his spanking was neglected in boy
hood, he has to make up for it, by receiving no.
thing but political spanks ever since he reached
manhood"
These palpable hits excited much laughter a.
mong the lawyers and judges, in which the two
distinguished objects Of Toms rallery paricipa-
ted.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

MEAL HoURs.-Our hours of meals are Won
derfully changed in lutte more than two centu-
ries. In the reign of Francis the First Q5l0
they still used to say
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1857-01-14

CHRISTMAS ON IHURsDAY.-A corresponder
If the New Jersey Dollar Newspaper, referrin
% the fact that Christmas this year. fell O
Thursday, transcrbes the following prophec
rom an old poem found in the British Museum
'If Christmas day on Thursday be
A windy weather you shall see;
Windy weather in each week,
And hard tempests strong and thick;
The summer shall be good and dry
Corn and beasts shall multiply;
That year is good for lands 10 till,
Kings aid princes shall die by skill;
Ifa child born that day shall be,
1t shall happen right well for thee;
OF deeds he shall be good and stable,
Wise of speech and reasonable;
Whose that day goes thieving about,
He shall be punished without doubt;
And if sickness that day betide,
1t shall quickly from thee glide