Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1857-05-01
Mise&llanfons.
The Bachelor and the Baby.

"What shall dol" and the old bachelor
stamped about the sitting room in perfect
rage of doubt, looking first at the mapping
babe in the little willow cradle, and then al
the busy French clock. on the shelf.
GAS sure as my.tfalneis Joseph Phelps
that little two-fsted, largc-lunged nephew
of mine is about waking, and it wants ono
whole hour of the timo which its mother
appointed for her return. Whew I actual
| ly sweat thinking about it. What can do
with it--how can treat il to sugar what
d'ye-call-'ems or hold it, or trot it, or do
anything with it."
Az this juncturc faint wall from the
baby receptacle brought bachelor Joseph to
his taps. With an energy and alacrity that
would not lily become husband and baby
tender, he commenced rocking the cradle,
sending the indignant baby into a perfect
tremor of kicks and squalls. Backwards
and forwards, from one side of the pillow to
the other, the round red face rolled; the in
fant fists were clenched with a force that
purpled them; while from the whito plump
throat there came a cry that set the bache-
lor wild with fear
Again Joe looked at the clock.
"What the deuce can do?" he exclaim-
cd, viewing woefully the little infamed face
before him.
He sat down in big chair before baby
spread adouble cradle quilt over his knees,
and with a look of terror on his face, pro-
ceedcd to take baby from its resting place.
He drew the young hopeful into his lap, just
as very neat old lady would pick up pock-
ct handkerchief with her thumbs and fin
gers. A fresh yell from the rosy mouth Of
the baby was the only expression of thanks
as he commenced the never out of fashion
baby trot.
1T must be something that is pricking
him. Shoe! shoe" |" said Joe, commencing
search for the aggravating pin that was
driving the child into such a rage. But no
pin was to DO found, and he made an at
tempt to turn baby over, but oh 4! the clum-
siness of his fingers-the little eel-like form
fell out of his lap to the floor, sending forth
cry that was louder, clearer, deadlier than
before.
"Lord save mel I've broken its neck p
was the exclamation as he picked baby up,
and In the agony of despair tried to quiet
him. A thought struck Joe. He saw a
basque hanging against the wall of an ad-
joining bedroom, and with smile of delight
upon his countenauce, he went for it. Sure
enough, there it was, stuffing, bodice and
all real monument of female ingenuity.
He was wild with joy. He pinned it over
his coat and fastened the sleeves behind him.
He then took baby and laid its head against
the false breast work.
"Shades of southern plantations and cot
ton factoriesI" exclaimed Joe, as baby root
ed its nose into it about mile, and then
cuddled for a snooze.
Then tho bachelor commenced singing,
Women are all a neetng show,
Forman's deusion given,-
When hled with bran and stuffed with tow,
They look quite we'll
A tap upon the door stopped Joe in the
midst OF his suggestive song, and before he
had time to disarray himself the door was
opened, and roguish, laughing pair Of eyes
peered in upon him.
"Your sister is not at home, is she l"-
chirrupped tho visitor. di
"No ma'am,p stammered Joe, growing
very red in tho face, "and l have turned
nurse"
Miss Hayes laughed, and offered to re-
levo him of his charge, which he willingly
consented to; sitting near by, the while, in
tently watching her. She managed baby
to a charm, without the basque, and Joe was
captiyated
Joseph Phelps married Fanny Hayes
upon my word he did.