The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1857-01-22
courtlng out West.


Tne only objection ever made 10 me
in this ere country as a legislator, was
made by the wimin. cause wer bach
elor and ! never told yon afore why !
remained in state Of number one.
/ No felIer stays single premeditaied,
and, in course, hansum fpller like me,
who al 'he gals declar to be as enticin'
as jay bird,was not fixing to stay alone
il he could help it did see creetur
once, named Soly Mason, ub The Cum
berland. nigh into N Nsshville, Tennessee,
that Ftook an orful hankerin' arter, and
| sol in 10 lookin' anxious for mo,rimony.
and gin to 60 reg'Iar 10 meeiin' and
TUX dressiI' tremendous fnifed, just
to see i'll could win her good opinion.
She did get In lookin' at me kind OF
sly, jest as horse does al Somethin' he 5
scaft at, when. arter champin' at a dis
ftance fur while sided up to her and
borted out few words aboullhe sarmin
she says yes; but cuss ne II | know
whether that wur the right answer or
moi, and I'm thilkin' she dida't know
nuther.
WeIT$welarfed and talked leetle all
the way long 10 her daddy's, and thar Civ
her the best bend had in me, and rais-
ing my bran new ha, as pert ard peflite
as minister, looking all The time so
inticin' that | sot the gallremblin'. Her
old daddy had a powerful numerous LOT
Of niggers. and lived right ajinin' my
place, while on the other side lived Jake
Simmons, snekn,' cule vsrmint, who
war wurser than a miser for sdnginess,
and no sooner did this cussed sarpent
see me sidlin, up to Soly, than he went
to sIickin' up too, and sol himsel! to work
10 cut me OUT,
That ar war struggle ekil 10 the
battle of Orleans. First some new fxup
of Jaks's would lake her eye, and then
I'd sport somethin' that would outshine
him; until at last Jake gin in tryin' to
out dress me, and sot 10 thinkm ofsome-
thin else.
Our farms wer jest the same numter
of acres, and we both owned three mig
gers apiece, Jake knew that Sofy and
her dad kept sharp eye out for The
main chance, so he thought he'd clear
me out by byin another niger, but |
foller'd suit, end bought one the day
after he bought his, so he had 10 adyan-
tage thar; he thengot a COW, and so did
!, and then, just about then, both our
pusses gin out
One Sunday mornin' war leelle late
to meetin', and when got thar the fust
thing seed war Jake Simmons sfitin'
close bang up sgin Sofy, in the same
pew with her daddy. | billed awhile
with wrath, and then turned sour. | could
taste myself Thar they wur, singin'
hims out the same book. Je-e miny
lellers, war so enormous mad that the
new silk handkerchief round my neck
lost its color.
Arler meeiin' war out they walked
linked arms, a smilin' an lookin' u
pleased as young couple at their christ
inin', and Sofy turned her "cold shoul |
der" to me SO 9riul, that | wilted down
and gin right up straight-Jake had her,
thar war no disputn' ii.
headed towards home, with my hands |
as fer in my trowsers pockets Gs could
push 'em, swarm, all the way that she
wur the last one that would ever gil a
chance to rils my feelins'. Passin' by |
Jake's plantation, looked over the fence
and thar stood an explanation Of the
nalter, right facin'sihe road ,Sghar every
one passin could see it, hiseonsarned
COW was tied 10 a stake in the gardin'
with mos promisin' calf alongside on
her. The cali Jest soured my milk, and
made Sofy think that feller WOO swur
always giitin' ahead like Jake wur right
smart chance FOE lively husband.
A shout OF laughter here drowndedI
Sugars voice. A soon as silence was
restored, he added, in a. solemn voice,
with one eye shut and his forefnger
pointed at his auditorj-
What a cussed sight wosser than his
giitin Sofy was the fact that he borrow
ed the cslfthe night before Of Dick IIar-
ley! After the varmint got Sofy hitched,
he told the joke all over the settlement,
and the boys never seed me- afterwards
hal they didn't bah, bah, to me for
ettin' cafcut me ouI ofa gals afec
ion Id shot Jake. but thort il wur
a free country, and the gal had a right L
o choose without bein' made widder,
80 sold out and travelled. I've alwaysls
hort since then boys, that wilnmin wur a
good deal like licker--ilyou love zen too
iard they are sure TO throw you some
way.
-------ft-.-tt--- s
BACHELORS TAKE WARNING.--The cele-
,rated DIR. Casper, of Berlin. estimates
mortality among bachelors, between the
lge OF thirty and forty FIVE, at twenty sew
n per cent; while the mortality among
married. men between the same ages, is
nly eighteen per cent. AS life advances !,
he difference becomes even more striking
Where forty-one bachelors attain the age :
q r ~ -. 4