Arkansas true Democrat., 1857-08-18
Sut Lovengood's Shirt,
BY S--L, OF TENN.

The first person met was "Sut.n (after cros- sing the Hiawassee,) "wavng and mov;ua along Tn his usual rambling, uncertain o,;, HIS appearance at once satisfied me that soma. !hing was wrong. He had been sick. whipned ,n m rec ngnt, or was just out, growing one of enlightened f'"' '" as sooh
 Why, Sut, what's wrong now?,
 d., wrong; durn me skin if I aint most 1 L Lioe OH that hoss, George, an take iio'n, while l take two, Shaking that everlast- '"S haSk or hls at me,) na' plant yerself on that ar iog an' l'll tell ye ef I ken. but it,s most beyond telin'. recken Pm the darudest fool out en otaw scept my dad, for he acted boss an l hant dun that yet-aIers in some tran 'hat cudent kech sheep. Ill drown myself sum , day, see ef 1 don't just to stop a family uispersitioh to make d-d fools on themselves. now Is It, Slut, have you been beat play Ing cards, or drinking, which is it?, Nara one; that can't be did Tn these parts. put seen" It's you, George, Fl tell you; but I mad-I am. Ye know board with Bill Carr. at b;S 70. oin on the mountain, and pays fur sich as ,a.s when hev money, an when I beuant es '"' why he takes one-third outen me in cussir. anS she' that's his wife, Bets takes out tother two. thirds with the battlin' stick, and tbe ;.t,uSt win her tongue, and the intrust's morn inc Priiicl-a heap more. She's the cusedes ,oman eyer seeo eny how, for jaws, breedin, and pilue' ohe can scold blister onto bull.s face '"o ol the curl Tn two minits. She outbreeds ~ y'"inS on the nver-and patterns arterey'rv "S she hears tell on, from busselst to brtches Oh! she's one on lem, and sometimes she,s t,yo UT lhfee' Well you see, got some hum made cotton truck to make a new shirt outen and coaxed Bets to make it, and about the time i. were dun here comes lawyer Johnson alono ana axed for breakfus-I wish it had pizaped nm, durn his hide, and 1 wonder it didn't for Sne cooks awful mixings when she tries. Pm Pzen proof mysef,'' (holding up his flask and peepng through it,) " or I'd been dead lor,g ago.
 Well, while he were eaten, she spied out that his shlrt was stiff an' mity slick; so she never rested till she worm'd it outen him that preparation of flour did it; and she got few particulars about the percedngs outen him bv 'oman's arts-I don't know how she did if ,or haps he does. Arter he left. she setin an biled pig pot of paste-nigh onto peck of it. an soused In my shert an' let it soak awhile then She tuck It an ironed it out flat and dry, and sot It up on Its aldge agin the cabin in the sun. mar It stood as stiff as a dry hoss hide. an it taItled Ike sheet of iron, 1t did It were pasted together all over. When cum to din Ter nothin wud do but must put it on Well. bets an' me got the thing open arter some hard wofK, she pulling at one of the tails and me at the tother, an got into it. Durn the ever lasting new fangled shert, say, felt like had crawled into an old bee gum an, hit fnll of ants; but it were like lawyer Johnson,s and stud It like man, and went to work to build Bets ash hopper. I worked powerful hard and swet like hoss, and when the shert got wet It quit its hurtin'
 Arter got dun 1 took about four fingers of read head, and crawled up into the cabin loft to take snuze
 ell, when 1 walked up thought I was ded, had the cholery, for all the joints could move Wer my ankles, wrists, knees-couldn't even move my head, and skasey wink my eyes -the cussed shert was pasted fast onto me all over rom the pint of the tails to the pint of the oroad-aX collar over my years. It sot to me as close as a poor COW does to her hide in March. squirmed and strained till sorter got It broke at the shoulders and elbows, and then done the darndest foolish thing ever did Tn these mountains. l shuffled my britches off ana tore loose from my hide about two inches oi the tail around, in much pain and tribula- ton. Oh! but 1t did hurt Then 1 took up plank outen the loft and hung my legs down through the hole and nailed the adge of the 'roht 'all to the floor before me, and the hind tall nailed to the plank wot I sot on. unouttoned the collar and risbands, raised my hands away above my head, shut up my eyes, sad grace and jumped through to the ground hore."
 Here Sut remarked, sadly:
 GeorSe Pm darnder fool than ever dad was, hoss, hornets, 'an all I'l drown myself sum of these days, see eff don't"
 Well go on, Sut; did the shirt come off?,
 -t-h-l-n- -k-it-d-i-d. hearn noise sorter like taring a shinge off ov house at onst, and felt like my bones were all that reached the fore. l staggared to my feet and took look at my shert. The nails had all hilt their holt, and thar it were hanging, arms down, insid out and as stiff as ever. It looks
 like the map of Mexico just arter one of the first battleS--a patch nv my hide about the size of dollar and hauf bill here; bunch of my har, about the size of birds nest thar; then some more skin; then some paste then little more har; then heap of skin; then more har; then skin and so on all over the darned, new fangled, everlasting, internal cuss ot shert It was picture to look at--an' so was l. The hide, har and paste were about equally devlded atween me and hit. Wonder what Bets, darn her, thort when she cum home and found me missing. Spects she thinks 1 crawled into thcket and died of my wounds It must have skared her good, for tell you it looked like the skin of some wild beast torn off alive, or bag what had karried load ov fresh beef from shooting match.
 Now, George, if ever l ketch that law yer Johnson out Ill shoot him, and if ever an oman talks about hat'nin' shert for me again, durn my everlastn' pictur eff I don't fatten her. It's rt-rbution sartin, the biggest kind of a preachers regular rlt.ributon. Do you remember my driving of dad through that hornets nest, and then racing of him inter the kreek?'
 Yes"
 "Well, this is what comes of it. I'll drown myself some of these days, see ef don't--ef don't die from that awful shert. Take horn. and don't you try sticky shert as long 1iva