Smyrna times., 1857-03-11
Written for the Smyrna Times.
Who Spy Is An Exposition.

Who Spy Is--An Exposition.
Mr.. EDITOR Another big gums gone Off
another squib exploded--and "The-awlul-us -
has just emerged from the awfulest cloud of
dust and smoke his evil genius ever led him
into. | saw him on the next Sabbath after the
explosion, and he looked as though he'd been
soaked in Virginia tar, aud then set on fire.
He's terribly slnged, and smells strongly o.
birthstone. But he didn't hit me. Poor fell
low he fired in the dark aad wasted all his
ammunition. Pity he didn't take better aim,
or else save his powder tor the Fourth of July.
It's no use! i tell you what, MIR. The awful
us, it's nc use. Your description doesn't 6egin
to touch any part Of me. You're just exposing
Your ignorance. You seem awfully disturbed
about Spy, and about who Spy is, and if it'll
benefit you, or the comioundedy inquisilive pub
lie, in any way, I'll tell you who am and
then you may shoot all the big guns you please.
My name Spy, aud nothing else. l was born
i'll free country, and feel as flee as any man
i'll it. I'm native Of Delaware-a genuine
Blue Hens Chicken-stand about four feet
eighteen inches in my stockings; wear res
pectable suit of plain black and gray, made BY
Il tailor, and paid for in advance; and an Oak
ford beaver, without any brick in it. My boots
are made of the best calfskn, and are large
enough to he comfortable. can out-run and
o lt-jump any man in Smyrna, and break in the
widest our-in-hand man our village can turn
out; can see as far into milestone as any,
body in Chrstendom; can put rifle ball into
your left eye as far as | can see you, and ca n
whip field full of such chaps as fast as you
can come to me. Pm an admirer of the fair
sex, as long as there's any fairness about them,
and am bound to defend them against the ad-
vances of brainless fops and fashionable Sguirts;
but I'm utterly, entirely, eternally and ever
lastlngly opposed TO hoops, hounces, and snail
shell bonnets, and determined to light against
them as long as my breath lasts. Pm in favor
of Improvements of every kind-from a steam
engine down 10 a sausage-cutter,--aud especi-
ally in favor of improvements IN our town and
think we've got set of Commissioners who
know what their business is, and will attend
to it, the sicky wailings of Young America "
to the contrary notwithstanding. I'm in favor
of education an religion, always pay my school
tax without grumbling, and give something to
the church at the commencement of every year
but Pm opposed 10 preachers and schoomasters'
taking the stump and making political speeches,
and neglectiug their own afi1irs in consequence.
n ffc I,N.,
own business, and let other peoples business
alone, and | think it's my business to say all |
have said, and a greatudea! more. I'm in favor
OF everything that's right, and opposed TO every
thing that's wrong, and can always speak my
mind to anybody, on any subject, at auy time,
in any place. In fact, I'm dealer in realities
and an eschewer of all that's visionary and
quiet, peaceable, mild, inoffensive
man generally, but a perfect screamer when
any one undertakes TO impose on my natural
rights, and gets my back rufIled. don't get
on my knees TO anybody-never did, and never
expect to; never courted lady that wore hoops,
and never shall, and abhor and detest long-tail-
ed coats, white hats, and horse-blankets, and all
the apes that wear them. Pm good citizen,
and expect to do my duty without being paid
for it. | tell you my names Spy and, now, if
this exposition doesn't satisfy you, come to me,
and I'll enlighten you little further You're
a clever fellow, awfnlly clever! You'd have
told my name right out, iu big letters, only you
couldn't. The sum and substance of the matter
Is, you don't know anything about me, and you'd
better let me alone, or you'll find yourself sud-
denly knocked into the front part of week before
last, some day, without knowing who did it. ]
thought l wouldn't say anything in reply to
you, but can't enter parlor, store, or retail
shop in the country, without being bored with
the question, "Who is Spy 2" and I've given
the above for the benefit of such meddlers as
these. I'm modest man naturally, and hope
this will be the last aluson shall be compell-
ed to make to myself. But I've got some allu-
sions to make io other people, whenever you
see fit to mind your own affairs, and let me at
tend TO mine. Mr.. Editor, I've said some things
in this letter, perhaps, that I've said before, but
I've done 1t in order to show who and what |
am, and hope you'll excuse me. Don't care
whether the public excuse me or not.
Yours, respectfully, SPY.
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BIC BANK RoBRERY.--The Messenger of the
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