Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1856-12-13
The Aqua Forts and Old Joe.

In the pleasant little village Of Haddon-
field, n. j., some years ago, there resi-
ded an old fellow who was farniliarly
known in the village and the country
round, as "Old joe" lie had no par
ticular occupation--nor any particular To-
cation. He ate where he could gel bite
and slept wherever he could find lodg.
ing place. He was harmless old fel-
low, and occasionally made few shil-
lings by cutting wood or working in the
field. Joe was regular old topper, and
Jersey lightning had no more effect on
his insldes, than so much water. Old
Joe was never known to love anything
but whiskey, and he did love that. lie
generally made his headquarters at the
lower tavern. There were two taverns
in The village at the time of which we
wrire. He would sleep and doze away
The afternoon on an old bench in one cor
npr of the bar-room, but was always a.
wake when there was any drinking going
on. lie said he could never sleep when
he heard the jingling Of glasses, and the
gurgling sound Of old rye and apple jack.
When he was not asked to 4rlnk he
would slip to the bar, and drain the g las
ses of the few drops left in them. One
afternoon, DR.. BoIus, the village Physl-
clan, was in the tavern. mixing up pre-
paratinn. He placed tumbler half iuII
Iof Aqua fortis on the tar, and turned
round 10 mix up some other ingredients.
A few moments after he had occasion 10
use the poisonous drug, when lie found 10
his dismay, that the lumber had been
drained to the last drop. "Mr. Wiggins,
exclaimed The Doctor, in alright, TO the
landlord, "whal has become OF that aqua
.fortiS | put Oh the bar a few moments
ago % IL don'l KNOW" replied the land
lord, "unless Old Joe slipped in and
drank it," In this suspicion they were
both soon confirmed, for the hostIer said
he had seen Old Joe swallow the la'al
draught. The Doctor, knowing that he
must certainly die after such dose, insU-
luied a search at once. After some hours
spent in looking through the barn, out
houses and woods, for three or four miles
around the village, lie was abandoned 10
his fate. 1t was a cold night, and as the
village toPers assembled around the bla-
zing hickory fire in the ballroom, moth
ing was thought of or talked Of bit the
unfortunate end of poor Old Joe. With
all his faults, the greatest Of which was his
drinking prOpenslIIes, Old Joe was qnl'e
a faVorile among the women and chi.
dren, and some of the cid roperS hung
their hesds oHinously, while tear was
seen 10 trickle down their blOated cheeks.
Some four days had elapsed, and moth
ing having been heard from Old Joe, they
all came TO the conclusion that he vas
goner. The Doctor, about this time had
occasion TO visit patient some eight
miles distant; what was his surprise, when
about five mixes from the village, 10 SEE
Old Joe in front of farmers house, split
ing wood. "Why, joe" said the Doc
tor, riding up TO the fence, 81 thought
you was dead and buried before this. y
WHY, what made you think that, Doc
tor ?" said Joe, leaning on his aXe-han-
die. didn't you drink that dose left
on old Virgins bar, a few days since ?"
YES" replied Joe, half ashamed to own
it. "Do you know what it was - asked
the Doctor. "No ~ returned Joe.
"Whg, it was aqua fortiS--enough to
kill a dozen men," "Well, now, Doc
tor, do you know that | thought there
was something queer about that darned
stuff, for after | drank it, every time ]
JlOwed my nose / burnt q hole an my
pocket handkerchief"