Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-04-11

kerehief. somebody wilistread ON it and
tare the borderin' off. run my hand be-
hind me. and took in about yard oil
cloth, that somebody had pinned to nv
coat. IS was mad enough to mortify,
but thought it was no use to show it, so
pocketed the cloth, and said nothin' about
was about to leave, when the auctioneer
asked me il I was going to take my things.
What things? saysI. The things you
bought here tonight, says he. Look a
here says 1. if you try to poke any Of
your, fun at me, you had better call in a
bone setter, for 1 shall run you through a
crushing machine that might iniure some
Of your limbs. l don'l mean fun, Mr..
Horn. says he. My name amt Horn,
says 1, though think L could crawl thro'
the little end OF mighty small one just
now: Wei, says he, you must make
some arrangement to take the goods YOU
bid off here Tonight. Dern your stuff, l
didn't bid for nothin'. What says he,
didn't see you bowin' when l was
sellin' things? Sposiu' You did, says l.,
be politer than me. - Civility is she cream
OF life, and courtesy is the flower OF man
hood. saysI Well. says he. you don't
deny winkin'. which is as good as bid.
Certain says I; you winked at me, and
give as good as you sent. But if you
charge for winking down here, next time
l come I'll wear blind bride. You
can pass, saws he. Farewell, poor Lucy
Neal, saws I, and travelled.
TAKEN IN BY BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
Well. thinks l, Vicksburg is a place
A feller never knows what his hand S
worth till he's called, and then he finds
he aint got nary pair. Hello! saTs ! as
run against a show window full of horses,
and dogs. and cows, and yearin's, and
SO forth-here's a minageree come a
seem and I'm going to see it all. There
was crowd in the house when l went
N. Settin' in a rockin' cheer there was
a beautiful liLtle girl, with fine silk dress
and white kid gloves on. She never said
a word. but kept settin' there, lookin' at
me. l always loved children, specially
pretty ones, SO stepped up and spoke to
the little creature, and asked her if she
didn't want some of the pretties, The
fellers commenced giglin--the little girl
never said word, but Just kept settin'
there, and looLin as ii she'd like to have
some, but was afraid to say so. TO see
The little thing setting there lookin SO
solemn, and the men all around laughin'
at her, was more than scould stand, SO
told 'em that no man That had any feel
ing could make fUn at the misfortuneS Of
a poor child. The storekeeDer looked at
me as if he was most 6ttcn TO cry, seein'
me take up for his child. told him not
| not to mind the ignorant fools, that his
'itte daughter was m gbty pretty girl.
and couldn't be imposed on where was,
if she was deaf This set the crowd
aroarin' and the shopkeeper too. Says
he, I'm much obliged 20 you, my friend,
for your kindness-but you nee6en't lose
any sleep on that gals account. as only a
TO 60Gy Sich extravaganza Many n
child would have been proud Of them
cIoze, throwed away on a doll baby l
thought had been fooled enough for one
night, and 1 would go The hotel. So bid
Fuing the gentlemen good night, and tell
ing the shop opkeeper to save his inery for
live children, l made my adue.
DIZE SOME PzaTuMzRY.
Ga nv way down to the tavern, I came
to a drug store, and thoul hL would go
in and buy some city perfume~y. Step
ned in and asked little feller behind the
counter for some. What kind saws he.
Anything tnat's got a good sent, sa's l,
and smells we'll on handkerche:. Here's
The very article. says he, and he banded
me a small oot.le-I gave him four bits.
and went out. Went down TO jackson &
Manlover's where had some other things,
and asked 'em to put the bottle away Ior
me. Took it, and asked me il suffered
much from rheumatism. No, says 1. /
can run faster than a rane deer. and jump
further than a skeered mule. Well, what
do you want with this; any of your strays
got sore leps? Sore legs ! says l, you
don't suppose pertumery is good for sores,
do you? PerfumeTy, says he. you don't
caitthis perfumery-.- its oped;lIo.! Blame
nation. says l. give you the wrong bot
tie, bu; it makes no difference, III keep
the other in my pocket. node If I told
'em how III been fooled, they d make all
sorts Of fun.
GOES TO THE GRAND LODGE.
Passing down street, saw light up
close to The North Star. Asked a gen
tleman what it was. Said it was the
Grand Lodge. Didn't reckin it was much
better, Than Mr.. McMakin's lodging. but
thought I'd go and try it. Went down
to the house, and after climbing up stairs
until the air got so cold Iawas about to
take a chill, cIme to a man standing
before door. Is this where the Grand
Lodge meets, says I. 1t is, says he.
Many in, says I. About a hundred, says
he. Reckon its safe to stay with so ma
ny of 'em. said l.. had my money with
me, and l didn't know. The buildings
perfectly safe, said he. Open see sam.
says I. I'll try 'em awhile any how.