Butte record., 1856-02-23
A Quaker jumping a Ditch.
Hezekiah Broadbrim was fat Qua

liquors. We like the Quakers, in deed
as we'll as in name, and Hezekiah was
a Hickory Quaker. He was some
what of an old bachelor, and had
sister that was somewhat of an old
maidl But she was the best creature
alive; straight as candle. blooming
as rose, and smiling as charity. Her
name was Dorcas.
Hezekiah and Dorcas walked one
Sunday afternoon, in the blooming
month of May, to breathe the fresh
air, and view the meadows. The
walking was smooth and delightful,
with no manner Of distractions, except
here and there ditch full of water,
spanned by few hedges, and too wide
for a man of ordinary jumping capa-
city to cross at a single bound. But
Hezekiah valued himself as fat people
commonly do, on his agility, and in
stead of walking few rods for the sake
Of a bridge must needs leap every
ditch he camo to.
"Ihee'd better not try that, Heze-
kiah," said the kind and considerate
sister.
"Never thee mind, Dorcas," replied
Hezekiah; "ther's no danger; I've
jumped a bigger ditch when | wasn't
half my present size"
"All that's very likely, but recel-
lect thee's grown exceedingly pussy
since thee was young man."
PUSSY Well if | have that's no
reason why I shouldn't be as agile a
before; tell thee Doreas, | can jump
this ditch without as much as touch
ing finger,
AYE, but thee'll touch thy feet to
the bottom"
"Thee's but woman Dorcas, and
thy fears magnify this Ditch even to
river. Now stad the aside that |
may have a sweep according to my
abilities"
''Nay, brother Hezekiah, thee'd bet
ter not. The ditch is wide and the
bottom muddy-and thee'Il assuredly
spoil thy Sunday clothes, if no worse"
ooh, fudge for thy fears, girl; thee
shall not stay me a jot. Nay, do not
hold me, fer I am determined to jump
this ditch, if it were merely to con-
vince thee Of nay agility"
Accordingly, Hezekiah went back
a few yards, in order that he might
have fair run and that the impulse
thereof might carry him over. Hav-
ing retraced far enough, he came for
ward with momentum proportioned to
his weight and velocity-and found
himselfi in the ditch. The water splash
ed around on all sides, and bespotted
the Sunday clothes Of Dorcas, who
could not, with all her Quaker sobriety
and kind feeling, help bursting into a
loud laughl There was Hezekiah
showing his agility, and foundering in
the mud Ike whale! The water
was not so deep as to be dangerous,
and the scene too irresistibly comic
for even saint to abstain from laugh
ing, though on the Lords day.
At length, when her risibility would
allow her power Of speech, Dorcas kind
ly held out her hand, and said;
"Come hither, Hezekiah, and I'll
help thee out"
dwell, WE'LL" returned the foun-
derer, in tone of vexation-''thee
does well, Dorcas, to stand there and
laugh at meas though it were mere
sport to see me stick in the mud and
water up to my very middle!''
"Nay, nay, Hezekiah, thee has
shown thy agility SO marvellously that
could not help being pleased for the
life of me-and now take to shame
myself for opposing thee so strenuous
ly, or having doubted thy capacity
for jumping. But if thee's satisfied
with tae exploit, and ready to come
forth, will lend thee hand to help
thee out"
Thus saying, Dorcas drew near the
ditch, but Hezekiah having got him
self in by his unaided power, declared
he would get himself out in the same
way. But the mud was deep and ad-
hesiye; and as he got one foot out he
got the other in; and thus he continu-
ed to labor and plunge till he was sat
isfed his own ability was better cal
cnlated to help him in than to help
him out of the ditch. He grew wrath,
and so far forgot the plain language
that he exclaimed, "By-"
sDon't thee swear, brother Heze-
kiah," interrupted Dorcas.
"Swear" roared Hezekiah, thee'd
swear too if thee was in here"
"Swear not at all, Hezekiah, but e.
ven lend me thine hand, aud III use
my ability to pull thee out, according
to the scripture, which sayeth-"H
thine OK or thine ass fall into ditch