Glasgow weekly times. (Glasgow, Mo.) 1848-1861, 1856-12-11
Declaration Of War from an M. D.

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Declaration Of War from an NJ. D.
The Scalpel for November, has broad
side aimed at some Of the capital sins Of
man and womankind which amounts to
nothing less than a medical declaration Of
war. Hear him;
Come here, thou filthy, stinking, nasty,
contemplate tobaoco-chewer, whose breath
would poison our sewer, and whose s.av-
cred lips would frighen away night scav-
enger!-take the Scalpel in thy trembling
hand, and read thy doom! Wilt thou make
respectable muck? Throw away thy TO-
bacco! Get into a big srttoon, and let the
water run over and through thee, for the
next two months; then get mo vinegar
vat, and undergo thorough pickling, and
by the fourth Of March next thou mayesc
become decent citizen.
Halo YOU roicking, hiccoughing, stupid
ard spewing spapeen Of drunkard, lie
down in that gutter, and bear patiently our
lervld virulence. What, in the name of de-
cency and manhood, are YOU about in put
ting that BeIzebub compound of alcohol.
aquafortis and alum, into your almentarv
stewpan? Here take this; it is one of our
emetics. Swallow Il down and vommit it
up, and then let us swab you out with worm
wood tea and some of ctr "Capsicum Cat
sup" We know what's coed for you.--
Hand over your money, and set your mud
died brains (if you have any Lefty TO worl,
on its peges, and go anywhere we send you
-Blackwell's Island, if we say so; but 60
at once and have our prohibitory liquor law
enforced at the point of the Sca!pe. Give
up the liquor, or give your carcass for dis
section. Let conscience or the crows be
satisfied.
You take snuff, do you? Wei, if your
nose is of no more worth than to make
dust hole Of, let's make your mouth gar
bage barrel! Here, open IT. and let us put
these wthered cucumbers and rotten apples
in. Hold. there are some sinking scraps
of scrofu!ous COW beef, and some cigar ends
that have been twice smoked and sucked. {
Stay. there is few rotor onions, and the
contents OF a spttoon from a grocery store,
where you go TO buy your dinner. Don't
be angry. rs just as nice as any Of your
urinuted, excremented, dried and ground
snuff! We shall have to put your nose i'm.
der the hydrant until winter, and then be-
gin to apply oil and turpen;,ne until spring.
Ny dear Miss Letitiu. why do you wear
tight boots and high heels? Your fascina-
ting foot will be spoiled. The pressure
will make the toes swell. You will have
most agonizing pains from corns, and swell
ing from bunons. The beauty of your foot
will be lost, the springing gracelulness of
your tread will be gone, the legs will be
stiff and painful, and you cannot dance the
fascinating schottishe; you will have to
shuttle and amble like spawned nag, and
perhaps your ankles may give out, and you
be lame Tor life.
You can cultivate and improve your nat
ural possessions and gifts Of body and mind,
but You cannot alter or change them for the
better. Your foot is just the right size
Take care of it, wash it, rub it, keep it clean
and warm, and cultivate every toe and joint,
and make it an elegant and reliable carriage
for the body. Ifyou put it into bonds and
imprisonment, expect an ugly and trouble.
some enemy, a compressed foot is one of
the most awful Deliberations. Pray you,
avoid i.
o madam! tell You it is thoroughly out
rageous was speaking to you Lady Ver-
onica Perfect! Well, sir, pray what is
'thoroughly outrageous?" Your dress my
lady. And pray, sir, what is my dress to
you? An abomination madam. And your
Sealpel to me, is an impertinet bore.
shall dress as | please, sir. wish yon
would, madam.
At present you dress TO please that yu,-
gar mob of fools called The Fashion" You
who have such good taste and cultivated
understanding, to put yourself in the shape
of parachute and be hooped up like hogs
head of sugar, with tackling enough about
you for a packet ship! You ought to be a.
shamed OF it! With a shell on youi head and
dry goods store abou, your heels. Are YOU
not foolish woman to make yourself slave
to the dry goods seller and dressmaker?--
You'll fill the Crystal Palace alone, soon!-
Why, you'd positively have TO undress in
the entry, if you came to see US, FOR yo,l
could 'nt get into the doorway OF an ordinary
parlor as you are. What will become OF