Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1856-05-10

children"
Iaprimis, then if you are an old
bachelor, or an elderly virgin, of warm
temperament, get married before the ar
rival of dog-days. The marriage state
Is admirably adapted to the condition of
persons of warm and vigorous constitu-
tions-enabling the recipients of its ad-
vantagcs to keep cool and pleasa Mt
Bachelors may depend on it, that they
will, should they venture in it, have two
clean shirts at least each week, while
now they have only one; their sheets
will be nicely aired; their pantaloons
kept wholesome, tidy, and neatly patched;
all their little rips will be mended gratis,
as the cobblers say; their stockings will
be well darned the chinches kept out of
the seams of their garments; and, be-
sides, they will have their heads well
combed by their wives, if they are too
lazy to comb them themselves. We will
merely remark further, that, after mar
riage, they will be at no loss for some
one to talk to, and may let their unruly
member run on like clock, meal times
not exceptcd-winding up only at late
bedtime.
As the warm weather approaches sin
gle ladies should not carry more than an
hundred yards of ribbon on their bonnets;
nor ought they to go a-shopping with
more, what I've call 'em'' than they
can conveniently squeeze through the
store doors.
Old gentlemen who attend church will
find it exceedingly comfortable to take a
large dog with them to reposc their heads
on during sermon time they ought to be
cautious not to snore so loud as to set
their neighbours dogs to barking, Or dis
turb the slumbers of the rest of the con
gregation; nor ought any one, however
heavy may be his eyelids, allow himself
to sinn into dear oblivious sleep until the
preacher has read his text, at least.
Should lady sitting before you, spread
her shawl on the back of her seat, you
will find comfortable position for your
legs by resting your feet on the shawl
Persons, males, in mourning for fifti-
eth cousins, will not wear on their hats
more than fifty yards of black Grape
nor will females put more than six times
that amount in their mourning dresses.
In order to keep up gentle perspira-
ton during the summer, be sure to OBJ
serve that salutary and benevolent
custom which enjoins that you keep
not less than gallon of liquor always
on hand.
Should there be any mudholes in town,
conservators of the public health may de-
pend that, if left to gangrene in the sun,
no harm can possibly result to the swine
which wallow in them, whatever two
legged bipeds may suffer from the ma
laria they engender, nor can they be
filled up Or drained off without detriment
to the practice of medicine.
In purchasing hat, be governed by
circumstances If married, you are
bound to shelter and defend your partner
from the sun and rain; but it is not alb
solutely requisite that you should encum-
Der your scalp with hat, the brim Of
which is wider in circumference than o
large umbrella.
The practice of smoking is healthfu'
one, in hot weather, as it ribs the system
of superabundance Of saliva, and conse-
quently prevents excessive sudorifcne3s
vulgarly termed sweating. First, pro
vide yourself with cane sapling, MOI
more than twenty-five feet in length, MOI
so thick at the end to be held in tho
mouth as to split the face from car to ear
Take a chair and seat yourself outside o
your kitchen, facing the chimney. Cal
for servant and bid him knock through
brick in the chimney, and place al
armful of damp leaves or straw on tn
fire--which done, you may thrust you
pipe into the aperture, and smoke ava,
with great gusto, and at no expense a
all. Should you be of a courteous. socia
disposition, you can invite your femal
friends to come, bring their sewing o
babies, and smoke a month at you
chimney.
Should you, unfortunately, be chal
lenged, during the hot months, take th
matter as coolly as possible arm your
self with large syringe; provide your
self with large washtub; invite you
antagonist to accoutre himself in Oh
same manner, and meet you at som
stream, and take satisfaction suitable :
the weather. IT. in this way you do no
cool your adversary's cholcr you will COO
his blood, and not subject his anxiou
friends to funeral expenses.
Ec" The Charlotte On. c. } Democra
says: Know-nothingism is responsible,
for the abolitionism Of Congress, Gu