The Union and eastern journal. [volume] (Biddeford [Me.]) 1854-1858, 1856-09-19

been won; and l thought il was, and repos-
ed on the idea.
Mr. Lacy made ne attempt 10 prevent
my plunge into the gay world, postponed
for while by the late strange incidents.
Now and then he would 60 with me to q
ball or opera, but it was IN the character
of q protector or spectator, and not as o
participant and l felt his presence q re-
straint. Iwas by no means coquette; l
strove to bear always in mind that l was
his aifancsd wife but was only eighteen,
ardent, in temperament, with high animal
spirits, very much courted and admired,
and did enter with keen zcst into the
pleasures of life. Ills grave smile, in the
height of my enjoyment, used to fall like
q weight on my heart.
lie himself. holding an important and in
auential position in the world, was full OF
earnest schemes Of practical benevolence,
of professional reform. He seemed to think,
labor and write. mainly with view to
other mems interests, and those in their
highest and widest bearings. He liked to
talk to me Of these things. and excite my
moral enthusiasm /; aud while listened, he
carried heart and conviction with him, and
l felt call to such cooperation and honor,
in which sacrifice could have no part
Then his look Of intense affection and hap
piness, as no kissed the cheek to which his
words had brought so deep a glow, stirred
my soul, and left no doubt on my mind that
loved him.
At the end Of two months, Mr.. Lacy
left me to attend summons to his fathers
death.bed. He expressed no fears as to the
result of this separation, though | perceived
deep secret anxiety. shared it. l had
morbid dread of the effect Of this absence.
Don't leave me- cried, clingIng weep
ing to his arm. Il am afraid Of myself
afraid of becoming unworthy of YOU
How, Mildred was his answer. 'Ifyou
mean you will forget me. or discover you
are mistaken in thinking you love me, it
will save us both lifelong misery me, at
least, lifelong rcmorse.'
For week or two after he left me, 1
hardly went into society but my father and
friends laughed at my playing the widow,
as they called it. And soon resumed my
former gaieties, with, however, certain
restraint and m9deratiOn which ! fell due
to Mr.. Lacy.
At length the temptation bcset mo of
which seemed to have had vague pre-
sentiment from the evening Of Mr. Lacy's
offer, and it beset me under its most insid-
ious form. My fathers sister and nephew
came to make usa lOng-talked'of visit; and
even before they arrived, I had begun to
torture myself with doubts as to the issues
of this intercourse. As children, Frank
Ingram and had spent half our time to-
gether and as children had pledged our
selves to each ether. Five years had pass
ed since We had met, for he had been study
ing medicine abroad but an unbroken Cur
respondence had always been kept up be-
tween the two families. Frank had been
NV IDEAL as q child. II found him so still
II were to love him If, when he came,
he brought with him that future about
which had dreamed-brought in vain I!
There was something morbid in this state
of mind but the idea had fastened upon
me, and l could not shake it Of. My very
mistrtst was snare.
Ny aunt and cousin duly arrived and Of
Frank must speak the truth, even If am
accused Of q wish to justify myself. Every
charm young man could have, think he
possessed. say nothing of his personal
beauty, or his ingenious graces Of manner.
could have withstood these, though 1 had
a very keen appreciation of them. But he
was Us full Of disinterested ardor in his pro-
fession as Mr.. Lacy in his; had the same
deep desire to be OF use in his generati n
the same unselfsh plans and aspirations.;;
only he unfolded them with such q winning
self.mistrust, as If he doubted his worthin-
ess for the high vocation of benevolence, un-
til no warmed into enthusiasm and then
the passion Of his speech, the very eItrava-
ganse of his youthful hopes, thrilled me with
power Ear beyond the reasoned wisdom Of
Mr.. Lacys enterprises. Oh, l longed to
join hands with him in his life journey, and
lend my aid to the working out of his Uto-
pia, witha spontaneous fervOr of desire never
known before.
Lesser things lent their aid. He was q
fine musician, and an enthusiastic in the
art; we practised constantly together. He
taught me how to play and sing the German
compositions he had introduced to me, l
do not wish to dwell on details but who
does not know how subtle medium Of love
kindred pursust and enjoyment Of music
is!-and Mr.. Lacy has never cared for mu-
sic. Then, again, he was my perpetual
companion /; at breakfast, his clear eye and
welcoming voice opened the day and after
its long hours Of delightful intercourse, his
hand was the last clasped at night. No
attempt was made to put any restraint up.
on this dangerous compansonship. My
My father looked upon us as brother and
sister besides the fact Of my engagement
was known, and he had The most implicit
confidence in his ncphew's honor. He new
er considered my danger. yet it was the
greater. He might be strong, but l was
weak. In short, l loved Frank.
A letter, announcing the probable day
of Mr.. LAcys return, reused me to aconvic-
ton Of the truth. 1 carried it up to my
rs,,,, locked tho door and fell IN nv knees