The Empire County argus., 1856-10-25
MIR. BROWNS MIsHAPs.

pass through the world alone. Save this peculiarity
there was nothing to distinguish Mr. Brown from the
multitude OF other Browns who are born grow up
and die in this world of ours. 1t CHANGED that Mr..
Brown had occasion to visit town some fifty miles
distant on matters of business 1t was his first visit
to the place, and he proposed stopping for day, in
order to give himself an opportunity to look about
walking esurely across the street, he was all at once
accosted by child, who ran up to him, excaiming-
"Father, want you to buy me some candy"
"Eather." Was it possible that he, q bachelor
was addressed by that title? He could not believe
IT.! "Who were you speaking to, my dear?" he in
quired of the little girl.
81 spoke to you, father" said the little one sur
prised.
"Really," thought Mr.. Brown, "this is embarass-
ing" "l am not your father, my dear" he said.
"W hat is your name?
The child laughed heartily, evidently thinking it a
good joke. "What funny father you are" she said
"but amt you going to buy me some candy?"
eyes, yes, Iii buy you pound if you don't call me
father any more" said Mr. Brown, nervously
The little girl clapped her hands with delight The
promise was all she remembered. Mr.. Brown pro-
ceeded to confectionery store, where he actually
bought pound of candy, which he placed in the
hands of the little girl. In coming out of the store
they encountered the childs mother.
ooh, mother" said the little girl "ust sec how
much candy father has bought me-
"Y ou shouldn't have bought her so much at time.
Mr.. Jones' said the lady, 81 am afraid she will make
herself sick. But how did you happen to get home
so quick? | did not expect you till night
'Jones-l- madam" said the embarrassed Mr..
Brown, "its all mistake | amt Jones at ALL 1t
isn't my name. | am Eliphalet Brown of W,
and this is the first time | ever came to this city,
Good hcavens Mr.. Jones, what has put this silly
tale into your head? You have concluded to change
your name, have you? Perhaps it is your intention
to change your wife ?"
Mrs. Jones tone was defiant, and this only tended
to increase Mr.. Browns embarrassment
81 haven't any wife, madam l never had any. On
my word as gentleman, 1 never was married.
"And do you intend to palm this tale off upon me?'
said Mrs. Jones, with excitement eff you are not
married, | would like to know who 1 am
81 have no doubt you are most respectable lady"
said Mr.. Brown, "and l conjecture from what you
have said that your name is Jones but mine is
Brown madam, and always was.''
'Melnda" said her mother, suddenly taking the
child by the arm, and leading her up to Mr. Brown,
Melinda, who is this gentleman"
"Why, that's father" the chld's immediate
reply as she confidently placed her hands in his
"You hear that, Mr.. Jones' do YOU? You hear
unblushng impuudence to deny that you are my hus-
band? The voice of nature, speaking through the
child, should overwhem you. I'd like to know if you
are not her father why you buying candy for her?
L would like to have you answer that. But pre-
sumo you never saw her in your life?"
81 never did. On my honor never did. told
her would give her the candy if she would not call
me father any more"
you did, did you? Bribed your own child not
to call you father Oh, Mr. Jones, this is Infamous
Do you intend to desert me, sir, and leave me to the
cold charities of the world-and is this YOUR first
step?"
Mrs. Jones was so overcome, that, without any
warning she fell back upon the sidewalk in faint
ing fit Instantly number of persons ran to her
assistance.
"Mr Jones' is your wife subject to fainting in this
way?" asked the first conner of Mr. Brown
Il dot know. She isn't my wife. l don't know
anything about her. stammered Mr.. Brown
''Why, it's Mrs JONES' amt p?
Eyes but Tn not Mr.. Jones'"
Sir said the first speaker, sterny this is no time
to jest. trust that you not the cause of the ex
citement which mnst have occasioned your wifes
fainting fit. You had better call coach and carry
her home dirccty.''
thought he, whether it is possible that I'm really
Jones, and have gone crazy in consequence of which
| fancy that my name is Brown And yet don't
think I'm Jones. In spite of all, will insist that
my name is Brown"
"Well, sir, what are you waiting for? 1t is neces-
sary that your wife should be removed Immediately
Will you order a carriage"
Brown saw that it was no use to protract the dis
cusson by denial He therefore, without contest
ing the point ordered hackney coach to the spot
Mr.. Brown according y lent an arm to Mrs. Jones,
who had somewhat recovered, and about to close
the door upon her.
'What, are you not going with her yourself?'
"Why, no why should ?"
''Your wife should not go alone she has hardly
recovered"
Brown gave despairng glance at the crowd
around him, and deeming it useless to make oppos-
ton where so many seemed thoroughly convinced
that he was MIR. Jones, followed the lady in
tsWhprn shall drive p" asked tha Whin
"I-I-I-don't know" said Mr.. Brown. "Where
would you wish to be carried Mrs. Jones?"
"Home, of course" murmured Mrs Jones.
"Where is that ?" asked the driver.
Il don't know" said Mr.. Brown.
"No 10 H street" said the gentleman already
introduced, gancng contemptuously at Brown.
"Will you help me out, Mr.. Jones ?" said the lady,
II am not fully recovered from the faintng fit to
which your cruelty drove me-
"Are you quite sure that | am Mr.. Joncs?" asked
Mr.. Brown, with anxiety.
"Of course" said Mrs. Jones.
"Then," said he resignedly, II suppose am. But
morning that my name was Brown, and to tell the
truth, haven't any recollection of this house."
Brown helped Mrs Jones into the parlor; but,
good heavens! conceive the astonishment of all, when
man was discovered seated in an arm chair who was
the very fac Sime of Mr.. Brown, in FORM features,
and every other respect!
"Gracousl" calculated the lady, ''which-which is
my husband"
An explanation was given the mystery cleared up,
and Mr. Browns pardon sought for the embarrassing