Minnesota weekly times., 1856-11-15

ne any OF your urinated, ,excremented, dried and
ground snuff! We shall have TO put your nose
under;the hydrnnt unit. winter, and then begin
to apply OIL and torpentine until spring. 10 =
MY dear Miss Letitia! why do you wear tieht
boots and high heels2 Your fascinating foot
will be spoiled. The pressure will make the to. I
swell. You will have most agonizirg rain from
corns. and swelling from banyons. The benuey
Of yonr foot will be lost. tho springing graceful.
ness OF your tread will be gone; the legs will Ia
stiff and painful, and you cannot dance the fas-
cinating schottiscLe; you will have 10 shuttle and
ambie like spawned nag, and perhaps your an
xles may give ut, and you be lpme for iife.s
| You can cnlftvate and Improve your natural
| Possessions and gifts of body and mind, bur You
cannot alter nor ehaage them for the belief
Your foot is just the right size. Take care OF it,
wash it, rub 1t, keep it clean and warm, and cuI.
tivate every toe and joint, and make it an ele,
giant ana reiable carriage for the body. If you
put 1t into bonds and imprisonment, expect an
ugly and troublesome enemy. A compressed
foot 10 one OF the most awful OF bothefations.
| S Pray you, avoid it 70 y :.
0 madam | tell you it is thoroughly out.
rageous! was speaking to you, L,dy Veronica
Perfect! Well, sir, and pray, ,Uiiat is thor.
oushly outrageous r" Your dress, my lady,
And pray, cir, what is my dress to you? An
aoominatlon, madam. AMI your Scaip Il, to mo
su sAS 0SiCs uTeSS aS UkRGSe.
sir. wish you would, madam. AT present.
you dress to please that vulgar mob Of fools
called 6 The Fdshion!" You, who have such
good taste aud cultivated understanding, TO put
Yourself into the shape of Il parachute, and be
hooped up like logshead Of sugar, with tack.
ling about you enough for packet ship You
ought to be ashamed of it With a shall on
your head, and dry-goods store about YOUR
heels. Arn't you foolish woman. to make your.
SeIf alnVa 4 tha urv-p a., 4.
maker? You'll fill the Crystal Palace alone.
soon! Why, you'd positively have to ua.t ess
IN the entry, IL you Came to zee rs. for you
couldn't get into the doorway of an ordinary
parlor as you are. What will become of YOU II
the equinox -
You are an American citizen, suppose, edu.
Gated at Yale or old Harvard. There YOU are.
at one OF our fashionable hotels, partly seated
on chair, with your heels out ut the window.
or TN the marble mantel slab, picking your teeth
with piece of the broom or with a cigar
pouehed in the corner of your mouth, looking
over the newspaper. You m Ike great display
of your manhood, don't you, think YOU To
our mind, you look much more like a monkev
-quatting on u street-organ, for the amusement
OF tho children, to get the dirty pennies for his
jingy master.
Wen, here is The scalpel for you. .Ho to
display yourself to advantage" shall BE- treated
thoroughly for your edi6cation. IS Elegant pos.
tures,' = $ becoming positions," ss decsncy and
dignity" manhood dsplaysd,, "Amsrican
manners" and 80 forth, shall be vel and dulv
attended to. We have seen enough Of thi.
habit, to know that it Is necessary t. use our
Scalpel upon it. We are fast losing the distinc.
ton between vir and homo-between male and
man. lave you mother or sister, u wife or
daughter? %. .Sdnci9 Dee!" Is this tho way
yon sit ut homer
" After that, We are to have a sermon: arn,t
We" Doubtless We have our text re ,iy.
:" Let all things b. done decensly, and in ordsr.n
ihus says Paul, the elegant Apostle. We pro.
! cred: % you mark how the food is eaten, as by
| SO many pigs3 chow, chow, champ, chainp -
Why don't you have your swill in a trough |?
The table-cloth and napkin are not large enough
.or you, TO 9, itch your crumbs. You need Liter
| ing 'o"n, IKE decent cattle. The negro waiter
| behind you, napkin in hand, ia far your superior
| in habits and manners at table. Take dolisr's
worth of lessons from Sambo or Joe! 5
You 60 to Church, ! suppose? Well, IL You
please, clean your nails ere you 60, or wait till
you come back. Arrange your toilet, hair in.
ciuded, before You leave your room, Or ve will
| have a row OF mirrors and hair. brushes along
the aises, as they I'VE in the barber's saloon on
steamboats,. 1t you want to sleep, go to bed,
NOT 70 Church. The sermon MY he excessively
duil, and even stupil; but Church is {" "compi-
n.y." Behave propery-at all events, as we'll a
at the opera. ~ 'F ysa =
Who is your do tor ?, Get oil the advice Won
can, and the least possible amount of medicine
be sure never to pay for it, and treat your phssi.
clan as though be w're.born to serve YOU, and
your patronage" was an honor. You will feel
so much more manly, and you can have more
money for liquor and cigars. 'tt'
The qusniiy of drugs which is sold at the
drug stores Is the measure Of the stupidity and
ignorance Of the community. You live in u close
room, and have headache, and 20 to the druggist
for dose of physic. You are out late at night.
imposing N my things on your stomach: you
| wake IN the morning with II furred tongue. and
bad taste; you send for something to take the
bad taste away.
You are Tool, and you induce the .irug. man
| to be rogue. Who doesn't believe in Blue Pill
nnd lpecacuanha If you had half the faith in
/ the Gospel that you have in a drug. store-or if
you believed God and nature as much az DR..
Doubtless-you woald be good Christian and
a healthy man. -
| Now, ne sure that you do not put any mors
faith in ourself, than you do in banker or book.
keeper. Trust no one without voucher. Buy
and read our former numbers. Whenever you
feel that you can, put Q. E. D. to an article,
meaning it is proved: believe 10 10 80 far. w o
cannot know ever, thing, nor everybody. Our
lie has been busy one; but there are but
twenty four hours in a day and night. and ona
third Of them are needed for food and .leep.
We sleep with one eye open, aad We arc always
Sca.pel in hand.
| Thus far, we stump it. As soon az We are in.
augurated we shall give Message. We shall
make another address to you shortly, and you
may be sure that We shall tell you nothing which
We do not know. There are three very large
classes OF Nothipgs'-the "Know- Moth ings, -
the g Say -Nothing1,' and the IS Do Nothings,
We belong to none of them. We are an Order
Of ourselyes-the :. Fear No,bings''- composed
OF undaunted mettle," untiring Industry, and
an iron will. Now give US nine times nine, and
send on your subscription rs ADVANCE, for you'il
never get the journal, if you don'tt l' g
CO The man who cheats the printer, left town
last week, in company with the womnn who aog1
her husband. They were join d a short distance
from town by the man who stole stick OF LIQUOR.
ice from sick negro baby. ~r'' s~pl
| " Last Monday, says the Philadelphia Ledeer
OF the 18th, several mechanics left this city for
Managers new town or the Mississippi, Is