The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1856-07-30

Il taught me how to die.
The Detroit Advertiser relates story COZ
corning the novel manner in which gay wido
cured youthful lover of His passion, as 70
lows
Mrs. -, Is pretty widow 81 twentv-eigl
left rich b. her husband, a respectable an
wealthy farmer OF s 20, in the county Of Oak
land, who judiciously died about The age 8
fifty. B -, signing swain Of twenty, fell i
love with this charming widow during schoo
vacation, and was thereby distracted from stud
and nearly frantic. His father who .design
Cd him for the ministry" had peculiar hor
ror of the sweet widow. whom be regarded a
little better than one Of the wicked. Her blacl
eyes, her heayIng bosom, and her elastic treae
were 10 him the symbols Of old Nick He va,
II despair: he visited the widow, and besough
OF her, If She had particle Of mercy not te
RUN bis son. In vain the widow protested that
she had used no arts-had only seen the youth
few times, and was entirely Indifferent to
hlm-the father still insisted, and the pretty
widow promised that if the boy came again to
see her it should be his last visit. Not many
days passed, when the enamored youth made
bis arrangements for visit, Of which the fair
widow had notice. Tie few previous inter-
views between them had taken place under
circumstances peculiarly favorable TO romance
and sentiment, upon moonlight walks Or par
Tor tete-a-tete. This timid youth was told upon
his arrival that Mrs - was at the barn, with
er be went and found his beauideal with her
skirts knee-Ligh, dressed in man S boots. and
covered with q mans hat, pipe in her mouth,
mug OF cider IN her hand, experimenting her
n1en-kilIing hogs. He never came again-it
vas too killing. =.
In these days, when women distribute rifles
make speeches IN public meetings. get up nnobs
and wear high boots, il is some consolation for
mankind TO know that there is still few plea
sures left to bis exclusive enjoyment One of
these is described by highly poetical Young
man in the following rhapsody:
She may surpass men in the accomplish |
fnenst, and be called "angel,'' but one attain |
naent is beyond her efforis-nnattaina yet /
her Nemesls-she can't shaget Never can She I
know the felicity Of that operation, nor the /
satisfactory sensation Of having shaven. Let /
her have amorous haberdashey and kids and /
Perfumed curls, and sigh by intervals; she can
never know the supreme happiness, the deIici-
eusncss of leaning back in the soft, cushioned
chair, the Convenient rest for the feet, and the
snowy napkin about the throat the fine white
iather being gently taken of, the cool touch of
the razor, the deIicacy of the BARRIERS hand.
the gentle titilation of the zagomatical muscles:
these are feelings she il necessarily stranger
to. Woman $ rights conventions cannot reach /
the subject; they may wear the breeches, but
can't come the whiskers''
In short, she may always have clean and
beautiful face, but cant catch BARRIERS Itch
Oh, how unfortunate.
During the revolutionary war, general La +
fayette, being in Baltimore, was invited to a q
ball. He went as requested, but instead of i,
Jolnin5tbe amusement, as might have been ex-
pected Of young Frenchman of twenty-five, F
he addressed the ladies thus:-"Lades, YOU
arc very handsome; you dance very prettily;
your ball is very fne-but my soldiers have no z
shirts. ]" The appeal was irresistible The ball
ceased; the ladies vent home and vent to work, "
and tile next day large number Of shirts were =.
prepared by the fairest hands Of Baltimore for +
the gallant defenders Of their country. "a
A Russian recently murdered lady for the CO
sake Of the sable lining Of her cloak The deed y
was committed during lent. The murdered a
lady had listle basket with her which con
tanned pie. Having been asked BY the com pr
rnissary why be had not eaten the pie, How p
could think of ealing the pier' replied the ;"
assassin, st may contain meat" and, deyout- NJ
" crossing himself, Il am, thank God, good be
christian"
a debtor says, my creditors are singularly %
unfortunate They invariably apply the dag tw
after have spent all my money! / always tn
say to them-.Now, this is very provokingl -
Why didn't you come yesterday, and l could q
have paid you IN fullp' But no! they never es
will. They seem to take perverse pleasure ru
u arriving always too late. It's my belief the
rascals do it On purpose" =,
Among the boosters, they call cotton thread r r
'boss;" tenn few yankees understand in that l.;
way. A fair brunette one day stepped into the N
tore OF Young man and bought dress OF y
he clerk. Af:er it vas cut off she addressed "
herself to him: p,
well, reckon you'll throw in the boss"
Certainly" replied the clerk, with his :.
mouth stretched from ear to ear, 1--WE throw in u
he "boss--there he is, you're very welcome to "
lim." p,
Those orators who give US much noise and
many words, but little argument and less Wit. NJ
md who are most loud when they are the least -
ucid, should take q lesson from the great vol =
ime Of nature; she often gives us the light
ing even without thunder but never thunder .
Without the lightning. o.
smitbers says he always travels with asu1- DO
.ey''-that il, be always goes with his wife
rho contriyes 10 be obstinate and out of hu.
nor from The time they leave home ill thew
ct where they are going 70. The only time I
he ever smiled, he says, was when be broke -
lii ankle. Il
"sambo. if de debil was to lose him tail Sc
shar would he 60 TO get anodur one?' .Whar tn
e 90; Why, to De grocery, Oh course: kase 2
ats de only place what knows on whar dey
etaii bad spirits"
A wretched bachelor, who has been revising :,
'ayarin'z Pbysiologie du Gout, writes, 1T IS d
npossible that any family dinner can be per- Fl
,ct. since 1t admits Of one entree that il al tn
rays Objectionable entrte Of children! :
'tHumble as | am said a bullying spoater
, a mass meeting Of the unterrifed, II still \
,member that I'm a fraction Of this magnif-
mt republic" lyon are indeed" said by D.
ander. "and vulgar one at that ri
Il