Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1856-03-12
THE DEAF AUNT AND WIFE.

THE DEAF Il UNIT AND WIFE.
l had an aunt coming to visit me for the
first time since my marriage, and | don't
know what evil genius prompted the wicked
ness | perpetrated towards my wife and my
ancient relative.
"My DEAR" said to my wife on the day
before my aunt's arrival, "you know aunt Ma
ry is coming tomorrow; well, l forgot to
mention rather annoying circumstance with
regard to her. She is very deaf, and altho
she can hear my voice, to which she is accus-
toned, in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order to be
heard. 1t will be rather disagreeable, but l
know you will do anything in your power to
make her stay pleasant"
Mrs. S. announced her determination to
make herself heard if possible.
l went to John IT,, who loves joke as well
as any person know of, and told him to be
at the house at 6 p. NJ, on the following
evening.
/ went to the railroad depot next night
with carriage, and when was on my way
home with my aunt, said:
"My dear aunt, there is one rather annoy
ing infirmity which Anna, my wife has, which
| forgot to mention before. She is very deaf; !;
and, although she can hear my voice, to which
she is accustomed, in its ordinary tones, yet
you will be obliged to speak extremely loud
in order to be heard. | am very sorry for it"
Aunt Mary in the goodness Of her heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking loud !;
and to do so would afford her great pleasure.
The carriage drove up-on the steps was
my wife-in the window was John IT,, with
a face as utterly solemn as if he had buried
all his relatives that afternoon. j.
/ handed my aunt out-she ascended the
steps.
:" am delighted to see you" shrieked
my wife, and the policeman on the opposite
sidewalk started, and my aunt nearly fell
down the stoop.
"Kiss me, my dear!' howled my aunt,
and the hall lamp clattered, and the windows
shook as with the fever and ague.
/ looked at the window; John had disap-
peared. Human nature could stand it no
longer I stuck my head into the carriage
and went into strong convulsions.
When l entered the parlor my wife was
helping aunt Mary to take off her hat and
cape, and there sat John with his sober face.
Suddenly, "did you have pleasant jour
ney?" went off my wife like a pistol, and
John nearly jumped to his feet.
"Rather dusty" was the response, in a
war-whoop, and SO the conversation continued.
The neighbors for blocks around must have
heard it. When | was in the third story of
the building heard every word plainly.
In the course of the evening my aunt took
occasion to say to me:
"How loud your wife speaks, don't it hurt
herr"
l told her all deaf persons talked loudly,
and that my wife being used to it, was not
effected by the exertion, and that my aunt
Mary was getting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said, softly:
"Alf, how very loud your aunt talks
EYES," said l, call deaf persons do
You're getting along with her finely; she
hears every word you say" And l rather
think she did.
Elated with their success at being under
stood, they went at it hammer and tongs, TIL
every thing on the mantle-pece clattered
again, and | was seriously afraid of crowd
collecting in front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt being o
an investigating turn of mind, was desirou'
of finding out whether the exertion of talk
ing so loud was not injurious to my wife
So:
"Does'nt talkingso loud strain your lungs?
she said, in an unearthly whoop, for her voice
was not as musical as it was when she was
young.
1t is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
"Then why do You do it? 2" was the answer
ing scream.
Because-because you can't hear if
don't" squealed my wife.
@ "Whatw said my aunt, fairly rivaling
railroad whistle this time.
L began to think it time to evacuate The
premises; and looking round seeing Johr
gone, | stepped into the back parlor, anC
there he lay, fiat on his back, with his feet a
right angles 10 his body, rolling from side {,