Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1856-04-16
ETHAN SPIKES VISIT TO PORTLAND.


seed. was there in 'Ss, to see little about
my going to the Legislator, and sich rum
time as 1 had you never hearn tell on. Did l
ever tell you about the ice scream scrape l
had ?''
We answered in the negative, and he re-
sumed
ssWal, I'd bin down thar two or three days
pohin' about in every hole, am tho't I'd seed
everything there was to be seeds but one day,
toward sundown, I was goin' by shop in Mid
die street, that looked wonderfully slick
there was all manner of candy an peppermints,
an jessamints, an'-an' what-no at the win
dows. AM thar war sims with gold letters on
to them, hangin' round the door, tellin' US how
they sold soda mead an ice cream thar. says
to myself, have hearn good deal about this
ere ice cream, an now I'll be darn'd if won't
see what they're made on. SO puts my hands
in my pockets am walked in kinder careless,
an says I to a chap standin' behind the coun-
ter: ss sDo you keep any Ice screams here z
sEsYes SIR says he, show much III You have?'
ssI considered mint ont, am says /, "a
pint, SIR
s.The young feller's face sweled out, an he
liked to have laughed right out, but after
while he aX'd
&c Did you say pint, sir'
sssSartin,' says 1 sbut p'r'aps 1 don't mind
takin' quart
'sWal, don't you think, the feller snorted
right out. Tell yer what, it made me feel sort
! o. pison, an 1 gave him look that made him
! look sober in about mint, am when clench-
cd my fist an looked at him, there Mr.
| Spike favored us with most diabolical eX-
pression,l he hauled in his horns about the
quickest, an handed me pint of the stuff as
| perlite as could be. Wal, tasted mouthful
| of it, an found it as cool as the north side o.
Bethel Hill in January. I'd half mind to
spit it out, but just then / seed the confecton-
er chap grinnn' behind the door, which riz
my spunk. Gall smash it all, thinks /, I'll not
let that white livered monkey think Pm afeard
-I'll eat the darned stuff if It freezes my in
nards. tell yer Whit, IA rutinrr shinn'd
bar, or whipp'd a wild cat. but went it. eat
the whole of it in about mint.
ssWal, in about a Quarter of an hour, begin
to feel kinder gripey about here,' continued
Ethan, pointing to the lower part of his stom-
| ach, sam kept on feelin' no better very fast,
till at last it seem'd as though I'd got steam
| ingen sawin' shingles in me. l sot down on
cheer am bent myself up like nut cracker,
thinkn' I'd grin and bear it; but couldn't set
still-I twisted and squirmed about like an
angle worm on hook, till at last the chap as
| gin me the cream, who had bin lookin' on
| snickerin,'' says to me:
| Sc sMister,' says he, swhat ails yer p
ssAils me ? says I, sthat ere darn'd stuff Of
yur'n is freezin' up my daylights.'
&c you eat too much,, says he.
&c Il tell yer didn't screamed l. q know
what's anuf, an what's too much, without ask
in' you, an if you don't leave off snickerin'
I'll spile your face.'
s'He cottoned right deown, and sed he didn't
mean any hurt, am ax'd me if 1 hadn't better
take some gin. told him would. SO tux
a putty good horn an left theNshop.
carter / got out, felt better for mint or
so, but hadn't gone fur afore the gripes took
me agin, so / went into another shop an took
some more gin; then sot down the State
House steps, and there sot an sot, but didn't
| feel darn'd mite better. l begun to think /
wus goin' to kick the bucket, am then tho't
of father an mother an old Spanker-that's
| fathers old hoss-an' when 1 thought that
should never see them agin, l farely blubber-
ed. But then happened to look up an see
dozen boys grinnin' an laflin' at me; 1 tell
you what, it riz my dander-that had got down
below nero-rite up again. l sprung at 'em
like wild cat, holerin' out that would shake
their tarnal gizzards out, and the way the lit
tie devils scampered was caution to nobody.
But arter the excitement of the race was over,
1 felt wurs agin, an couldn't help groanin'
an scrcechin' as went along.
ssAt last tho't I'd go to the theatre, but
afore got there the gripes got so strong that
| had to GO behind a msetin' house an lay
down and holler. Arter a while got up an
went into a shop an eat half dollur's worth
of billed listers with four picked cowcumbers,
and wound up with glass of brandy. Then
went into the theatre and seed the plays, but
1 felt so tarnally that couldn't see any fun in
'em, for don't think the listers and cowcum-
bers done me any good. sot down, laid down,
and stood up, but still it went on gripe, gripe.
1 groaned all the time, am once in while
was obleeged to screcch, kinder easy. Every
body stared at me, an somebody hollered-
sturn him OUT once or twice. But at last, jist
as the nigger Orthello was going to put the
pillar on his wife's face to smother her, there
cum sich twinge thro' me, that rally tho't
was bustin' an yelled out oh dear oh !!
scissors p so that the old theatre rung agin.-
Sich row you never seed the niger drop
ped the piller. Deuteronomy-or what-you-
call -her-there-hi wife jumped up off the bed
an run, while every body in the theatre was
| a