Nashville daily patriot. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1855-1857, 1856-01-16
Anew SYSTEM of Grammar.

Prof. Phoenix is the original promulgator
and advocate of new and complete system of
English Grammar, which is destined to knock
Murray into a pist tense We let him explain
il himself promising that the happy suggestion
struck him whilst undergoing chronological
manipulation at the hands of distinguished
Professor of that exact science:
II saw at flash how the English language
was susceptible Improvement, and fired with
the glorious idea, | rushed from the room and
the house; needless of the Professors request
Iwould buy more of his InVigorator; needless
of his alarmed cry that l would pay for the
bottle that I'd got; needless that tripped on
the last step of the Guyascutus House, and
smashed there the precious fluid 0he step has
now q growth of four inches of hair on il, and
and the people use it as doormat;) rushed
home, and never grew calm till with pen, ink
and paper before me, commenced the develop
ment of my system.
"TIis systen-shall l say this great system
is exceedingly simple, and easily explained
in few words. In the first place, Figures
cont lie." Let Us then represent by the mum
Der 100, the maximum, the ne plus ultra Of
every human quality grace, beauty, courage,
strength, wisdom, learning-every thing Let
perfection, say, be represented by 100, and
an abs )lute minimum of all qualities by the
number /. Then by applying the numbers be-
tween to the adjectives used 10 conversation,
we shall be able to arrive at very close
approximation to the idea we wish to convey;
in other words, we shall be enabled to speak
the truth. Glorious soul inspiring idea For
intance, the most ordinary question asked of
you is, How do you do - TO this instead of
replying pretty well, Every well, "Quite
WE'LL or the like absurdities-after running
through your mind that perfection of health is
100 nohealth at all 1-you say, with a graceful
bow, "lhank you, Pm 81 to-day; or feeliHgly
poorly, "rm Is, Tn obligedto you,' or I'm
g." or '75," or 1877 Ia, 4" as the case may be!
Do you see how very close in this way you
may approximate to the truth, and how
clearly your questioner will understand what
he os anxiously wishes TO arrive at-your
exact state of health.
''Let this system be adopted into our ele-
ments of grammar-onr conversation, our
literature, and We become at once an exact,
precise, mathematical, truth telling people. 1t
will apply to everything but politics, there,
truth being of no account, the system is use
less. But in literature, how admirable! Take
an example!
"As 10 young and rs beautiful lady was
90 gaily tripping down the sidewalk of our 81
frequented street, she accidentally come in
contact-l00 (this shows that she came in close
contact) with a 70 fat, but 81 good-humol ed
looking gentleman, who was SO Il. e. intently)
gazing into the window of a toy shop. Gracely
| 56 extricating herself, she received the excu-
ses of the SO embarrassed Falstaff with IS
| bland smile; and continued on her way. But
| hardly-7-had she reached the corner of the
block, ere she was overtaken by "a young
| man, 80 poorly dressed, but of an So express
ion of countenance; 81 hastily touching her
| "a beautifully rounded arm, lie said to 81 sur
! prise
Madam, at the window of the toy shop
| yOnder, you dropped this bracelet, which had
| the II good fortune to observe and now
| have the 81 happiness to hand to you Oh
course the expression '94 happiness is merely
the Young mans polite hyperbole.
"Blushing with rs lnodesty, the lovely GIG
| as before, of course,) lady took the bracelet
! which was "a magnificent diamond clasp
! GA magnificent, playfully sarcastic; it was
| probably not one of Tucker's) from the young
| mans hand and 81 hesitatingly drew from heI
beautifully 80 embroidered reticule 81 port
mOnnaie. The young man noticed the action
and 70 proudly drawing back, added
"Do not thank me; the pleasure of gazing
for an instant at those 100 eyes (perhaps toe
Exaggerated compment,) has already more
! than compensated me for any trouble that
might have had"
''She thanked him, however. and with 6
81 deep blush and 48 pensive air, turned
from him, aud pursued with SO slow steE
her promenade"