New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-04-21

Programme Of The Ceremonial to be observed on the
4 Birth Of a Child to Mr.. Digs one Of the SoOe,s
eig,is Of America 555ss : a.. a.
When Mrs. Diggs begins to feel that the long
expected time has at last arrived she will wake Dggs
from the sound sleep he will be enjoying and on his
asking * What is the matter ?" he will be informed
lSby Mrs. Diggs. As soon as Dggs can hastily get on
his pantaloons boots and coat shall take the orders
of Mrs. Digs, and go Immediately for the Nurse the
SGrand Mistress Of Digs household as as she
steps her foot within his door, and after escortng the
Grand Mistress to the said door, he shall inform the
family physician who shall Immediately repair to the
Diggs Castle. Diggs shall also convey the informa
ton of what is Transporting to all who hold rank in his
household. His mother-in-law-sh shall appear in
whatever clothes she can find handy, the state of her
nerves learning the facts being in such condition
4 Diggs Castle, she shall exclaim, F." All! my poor
dear Emily" and look at Digs, as if she thought
him the worst Of criminals Diggs on receiving this
slook in silence, shall cause the head cook and the
4 Maid of the Bedchambers to be called and be in.
waiting in ante for whatever orders the Grand
I Mistress of the Household may send them. Digs is
expected to faithfully execute all these orders in not
less than ten minutes and when they are accomplished
Diggs at liberty to retire to his private apartments
and there await further orders from the Grand Mis-
tress Of the Household In the meanwhile his nervous
system may require little weak toddy and in the
intervals Of propping his nerves, Dggs shall fire.
qnenty declare that he wishes the thing was all over
In the chamber of Mrs. Diggs there shall only be
the physician, the Grand Mistress of the Household
anu Cne nOt1er-lnlaW. Inc laCUef QSGlnSiSleQ per
sonage before many days, will make effort to out
rank the Grand Mistress of the Household, and in the
tits which ensue consequent upon this effort, Diggs
is expected to take both sides and carry water on
both shoulders The cook shall retire to the kitchen
stirup her fire and hold herself ready for any service
needed. The Maid of the Bed Chambers shall assem-
BILE herself anywhere within calling distance from the
door of Mrs. Digs apartment, and when the Grand
Mistress of the Household gives her orders and tells
her not to be all day about it she shall obey them
AT the moment at which the signs are propitious,
Diggs shall be informed that it is nearly all over.
Diggs will put more questions than can be answered
and be will be told to wait little while longer, that
his dear Emily is bearing up wonderfully, and fire;
| quenty calls upon her dear Tommy. Thomas Diggs
shall sigh, and wish it was all over again. n.
| In the morning, when the room is put to rights,
Diggs shall be called to Mrs. Diggs' apartments, and
the child shall be presented to him by the Grand Mis-
tress Of the Household, and Diggs shall examine it
| first with profound establishment and then assuming
more jovial air. shall touch its little cheek and call
it the dear weeny, beeny, little thingm Diggs shall
then kiss his dear Emily about one dozen times, and
express much sympathy for her sutferings. Mrs.
/ Diggs will then give him distinctly to understand
| that that child is the last, and that men have no
idea of the suf1erings of poor woman The child's
1 name having been long fixed, Diggs shall then pro
coed to the paror, and taking down the family bible
shall make minute (proees uerbaD of the birth of
the child, in accordance with the long established
usages of the American sovereigns
Soon after daylight the aunts, the cousins, and all
the relations that are recognized by the family, in
I GLIDING all the relations of the mother-inaw shall
call at the house. and be informed of all the particu-
lars by the mothernlaw. The cook and maid of the
hed;chambers will convey the intelligence over the
backyard fence to the cook and maid Of the bed
chambers next door, and they will convey it to the
! cook and maid Of the bed-chambers of the second
yard, so that every family in the block shall receive
! inteligenceofthe joyful event by breakfast time
/ Diggs will then take his breakfast without grumb
ling about the cookery, and proceed to his place of
business. By his manner, Digs will indicate to his
fellow soveregns whether the child is boy or girl.
If it is boy Dggs will be unusually lively-he will
walk with a spring-his face will be covered with
smileshe will, in fact, make every one he meets ex-
claim, there goes happy dog" II it is a girl, he
will feel happy and look happy but his happiness will
be subdued quiet ond calm. When he arrives at his
place of business he will there proclaim the great
event, and is not expected to notice any little joke
4 which may be perpetrated at his expense.
/ Diggs will return home at least six times during
the first day. He will look at the child six times,
and tickling its cheek with his finger, will six times
excaim---t Oh, the dear weeny, beeny little thingG'
Diggs will take all orders to the Pharmacopoist, and
the Pharmacopois is expected to be unusually elated
with the news. The Pharmacopolist will congratulate
him in set terms, and will ask how they doing.
Diggs will inform him that they are doing as well as
could be expected under the circumstances and will
go little into particulars, with which the Pharmacopo.
list will be highly delighted, and, if opportunity
is offered, is expected to air his knowledge of the
, whole business.
in four weeks after the birth of the child the Grand
Mistress of the Household win vacate the premises
Diggs will then receive strict orders that he is not ex
pected to go out after tea. The dear weeny, bceny
little thing will always be sick after tea and he must
help his dear Emily to keep it quiet and get it sound
i asleep. He must also hold himself in readiness to
get up at least six times every night. And during
the time his only sleep is cat naps he will be extern
svcy in the cat,ip trade, that article being found
very necessary for the health of the dear weeny,
beeny little thing.
In about six months after the event. Diggs will have
some experience in domestic life, and will find out
that it has its duties and s well its pleasures
| r II, oN,,l,. D,l1oS