The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1856-08-07

A CUTE YANKEE.

An excellent story is told concerning the
manner in which Yankee sold the land
lord in village in Ohio, through which
the Great National Road passed. 1t was
we'll known by the travellers on this road
that it was impossible to get full meal at
the hotel in question, because an under
standing existed between the landlord and
the driver, and, almost as soon as the pas
sengers were seated at the table, the stage
was ready to start. On one occasion,
among the passengers was Yankee, who
would be "goll darn'd if he wouldn't hev
the vale of his money, any heaow." His
fellow passengers were anxious to know
how to manage it, and after while they
learned how
Breakfast ready, gents" said the land
lord, as the stage drove upto the door,
"Take wash, gentsl Here's water, basins,
towels and soap"
After performing these aLlu,ions, they
all proceeded to the dining room and COM
menccd an onslaught upon tho edibles,
though Hez took his time. Scarcely had
they tasted their coffee, when they heard
the unwelcome sound of the horn, and the
driver cxclaim, "stage rcady!' Up rise
eight grumbling passengers, pay their fifty
cents, and take their seats.
"All aboard, gents 2" inquired the land
lord.
"Onc missing" sail they.
Proceeding to the dining room, the host
finds Iez very cooly helping himself to an
immense piece of steak, the size of horses
lip.
"You'll be left, sir. Stage is going to
start"
oval, 1 haint got nothing to say gain
it," drawls out IIez.
Cant wait, sir better take your seat"
Dew what2"
"Get in, sir"
"Tll be goll darncd ef dew, nuthcr, till
I've go! my breakfuss Tve paid for it,
and am goin' to get the velle ont; and ef
yew calkerlate 1 amt, yew are mistaken" !"
So the stage did start, and left Hez, who
continued his attack upon the edbles.-
Biscuit, coffee, Sc, disappeared rapidly
before the eyes Of his astonished land
lord.
"Sav, squire, them ere cakes is bout
eout: fetch us another grist on 'em. You,
TO the water,) 'nutler cup Of that air cof-
fee. Pass them eggs. Raise your own
pork, squire! This 'nazn nico ham,
Land bout here tocbo cheap, squire q
Ilain't much maple timber, hov yew
Dcwin rite smart trade, squire, kalkerlate.
Don't lay your own eggs, dew yea" And
thus Hez kept quizzing the landlord until
he had made y hearty meal. "Say, squire,
now I'm bout to conclude paying my de-
vowcrs tcw this ere table, but ef ycw'd just
give us bowl of bread and milk tew sor-
ter top off with, Id be obliged tew ye."-
So out goes the landlord and waiter for the
bowl of milk and bread, set them before
IIcz.
"Spoon, tew, if you please 2" But no
spoon could bo found. The landlord was
sure he had plenty Of silver ones laying Oh
the table when the stage stopped.
"Say, yew, dew you think any of the
passengers took theml"
Il don't know. DO you think they
didr'
"Dcw I thinks No, don't think, but
l am sartin. If they air all as green MS
yew bout here, I'm going to locate imme-
diatel y and at wonst"
The landlord rushes out to the stable and
starts man after the stage, which had
gone about three miles. The man over
takes the stage, and says something to the
driver IN low tone. He Immediately
turns back, and on arriving at the hotel,
Hez came out to take his seat. and says:
"Heow are you, gents? I'm rotten glad
tew see yew."
Landlord says to Hcz:
"Can you point out the man who you
think las the spoons y
"Pint him eoutl Sartainly I kin. Say,
squire, paid you four and nine.pence for a
breakfast, and kalkerlate got the value
ont. Yew'll find them spoons in the coffee
pot! Go ahead, all aboard, driver"
| -s>s
Soliloquy.-Whiie walking in the Hall,
the other evening, We overheard the follow
ing soIiloqny by an individual who was re-
clining at bis ease on one of the granite
| otIo,noSB --' -