Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1856-02-27
VOL. 2.--NO. %.
4 DEAF AUNT AND A DEAF WIFE.

/ had an aunt coming to visit me for the
first time since my marriage, and L don't
know what evil genius prompted the wicked
ness which perpetrated towards my wife and
my ancient relative.
eSMy dear,'' said / TO my wife, on the day
before my aunt'S arrival, 'syou know Aunt Ma
ry is coming tomorrow well, forgot to
mention rather annoying circumstance with
regard 10 her. She's very deaf; and aitho'
she can hear my voice, to which she is accus-
toned in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order to DO
heard. 1t will be rather inconyenient, but
know you will do anything in your power to
make her stay agreeable"
Mrs. S. announced her determination TO
make herself heard, if possible. then went
to John r, who loves a jvke about as we'll
as any person 1 know of, and told him to be at
the house Mt six p. NJ. on the following even
ing, and felt comparatively happy.
l went to the railroad depot with carriage
next night, and when was on my way home
with my aunt, said:
e.Dear aunt, there is one rather annoying in
trinity that Anna (his wife) has, which for
got to mention. She's very deaf, and altho'
she can hear MY voice, to which she is accus-
toned, in its ordinary tones, yet you win be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order to be
heard. am very sorry for it.
Aunt Mary, in the goodness OF her heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking loud,
and TO do so would afford her great pleasure.
The carriage drove up on the steps was my
wife, in the window was John T, with
face as utterly solemn as if he had buried all
his relatives that afternoon.
handed out my aunt; she ascended the
steps. 81 an delighted TO see you,'' shriekcs
my wife, and the policeman or .te opposite
sidewalk started, and my aunt nearly fell down
the steps.
<:Kiss me, my dear,'' hovled my aunt, snG
the hall lamp clattered and the windows shook
as with the fever and ague. looked at the
window. John had disappeared. Human ma
ture could stand it no longer, poked my head
into the carriage, and went INTO strong convul-
sions.
WhenI entered Tie parlUr, my wife sas help
ing Aunt Mary to take off her hat and cape;
and there sat John with his sober face.
Suddenly, ssDid you have pleasant jour
ncy % went my wife like pistol, and John
nearly jumped 10 MS leet.
S:Rather dusty" was the response, in a war
whoop, and so the conversation continued.
The neighbors for blocks around must of
heard it. When was in the third story of the
building Iheard every word.
In the course of the evening my aunt took
occasion to say TO me
'.How loud your wife speaks. Don't it hurt
her 20
told her all deaf persons talked loudly, and
that my wifo, being used to it, was not affected
by the exertion, and that Aunt Mary was get
ting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said, softly
calf, how very loudly your aunt talks
S"Yes," said I, Ssall deaf persons do.''
sYou're getting along with her finely she
hears every word You say"
And rather think she did.
Elated at their success in being understood,
they went at it hammer and tongs till everything
on the mantel-piece clattered again, and was
seriously afraid of a crowd collecting in front
of the house. But the end was near.
Ny aunt being Of an investigating turn of
mind, was desirous Of finding out whether the
exertion of talking so loud was not injurious to
mywife. So
s.Docsn't talking so loud strain ycnr lungs'
said she, in an unearthly whoop, for her voice
was not quite as musical as it was when she
was young.
sit is an exertion,' p shrieked my Wife
'sThen why do you do it ?'' was the answer
ing scream.
-Becanse-because-you can't hear if
don't . squealed my wife,
e:What !'' said my aunt, fairly rivaling rail
road whistle this time.
I began to think it time to evacuate the
premises, and looking round and seeing John
gone, stepped into the back parlor and there
he lay, fat on his back, with his feet at right
angles to his body, rolling from side to side,
with his face poked into his ribs and a most
agonzing expression of countenanee, but not
uttering sound. 1 Immediately and inyol-
unfairly assumed a similar attitude, and think
that, from the relative position Of our feet and
heads, and our attempts to restrain our laugh
ter, apoplexy must inevitably have ensued, if
a horrible groan, which Joan gave vent in his
endeavor to suppress his. visibility had not be-
trayed our hiding plar e.
In rushed my VIE and aunt, who, by this
time comprehend ID the joke, aud such a scoid-
ing as then gr,t / never had before, and
hope never to get again. .a5s.z..
know no. what the end might have been II
John, IN '.lls endeavors to appear respectfui
and SYM pathetic, had not given way to such a
groan and horse laugh that all gravity was
ups, t. and we screamed out in concert.
] know it was very wrong, and all that,t 10
tell such falsehoods, but / think Mrs. Opis
herself would have laughed if she bad seen
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