The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1856-05-17

the country, and the various Astronomical
Observatories. Good descriptive articles
upon both topics are furnished. The article
upon the Dutch Republic, commenced in the
May number, is completed ia this, and we
have read it with much interest and adyan-
tage
For sale by j. T. Cave & Son.
! 4 WIFE IN EcsTACY, AND HusgASn rs Ftp
oRrs.-The deed is accomplished. NV wife
4 has rot piano. and now 'sfarewell the tran
/ quill mind-farewell content, and the eve
ming papers, and the big cigars that make
ambition virtue-oh, farewell. And oh, We
mortal engines, whose rude threats the i'm
mortal Jove's dread clamors counterfeit
But stop, can't bid them farewell, for one
of them has just come. IL came on dray.
Six men carried it into the parlor, and it
grunted awfully. 1t weighs a ton, shines
like u mirror, and has carved cupids climb
ing up its legs. And such lungs-whew
Ny wife has commenced TO practice, and the
first time she touched the machine thought
we were in the midst Of thunder storm,
and the lightning had struck the crockery
chests. The cat, with tail erect, took bee
molishing six shilling pane Of glass. The
baby awoke: the little fellow tried his best
to beat the instrument. but he didn't do it
1t beat him.
A teacher has been introduced into the
house He says he is the last of Napoleon's
great army. He wears a huge moustache,
and looks at me hercely, smells of garlic,
and goes by the name Of Count-run- away
and-never- come back again-by. He played
Extract de Opera the other night, he run his
fingers through his hair twice, then grnned,
then he cooked his eyes up at the ceiling like
a monkey hunting flies, then down came one
of his fingers, and heard delightful sound
similar to that produced by n cockroach on
n tenor string Of fiddle. Down came an
other, and was reminded of the wind whist
ling through knot hole in n hen coop. He
touched his thumb and thought was in an
orchard listening to the braying of a Jack
ass. Now, he run his fingers along the KEYS,
and | thought of q boy rafting his stick
upon n picket fence. All of sudden he
stopped, and thought something had hap
pened. Then came down both fists, and oh
Lord such noise was never heard before.
| thought hurricane had struck the house,
and the walls were caying in. | imagined
that was in the cellar, and ton of Goa
was falling on my head. | thought the ms
chime had burst, when the Internal thing
stopped, and heard my wife exclaim:
''Exquisite.'
4 s'What the deuce is the matter?"
The answer was
| "Why, dear, tkat's La Somnambula'
s'D-m Somnabula," thought | /; and the
Count rolled up his sheet of paper.
He calls it music, but for the life of me,
cannot make it look like any thing else than
a rail fence with a lot of juvenile niggers
climbing over it. Before that fool instru-
ment of torture came into the house, could
! enjoy myself, but now every darned woman
! in the neighborhood must be invited to hear
the new piano, and every time it ,shrieks out
like locomotive with the bronchitis, have
10 praise its tone, and when the invited
guests are playing have to say Exquisite -
''Delightful!' s'Heavenlyl" and all such
trash, while at the same time know just as
much about music as IA Goldfish. There are
more tuning hammers than comfort in our
house-and wish the inventor Of the piano
was troubled with perpetual nightmare,
and obliged to steep with one of his instru-
ments all his life.
As for myself, | had rather put nv head
under tin pan and be drummed to sleep
with a pair of smoothing irons, than TO hear
ella Somnabula," or any other La, thumped
out on piano. Scatter pennies before my
house, and call together all the wandering
Ministries of the day-hand organs, banjos,
fddles, tambourines, rafting bones and fish
horns--let Juvenile monkeys crawl in at my
windows in search of three cent pieces, let
me be awakened At midnight by the cry OF
murder, let the fire bells ring and 20 it gen
erally-do all this and will not complain
but basish the piano. My piano has got to
go. mgoing to launch the Internal ma
chine out of the window some dark night,
and, my friends, advise you to sleep with
cotton in your ears, for when she gives her
last grunt, yoa'l II think have fallen out of
bed or fallen star has gone TO roost on
your house top. For the information OF
Young America, will state that the pieces
of brass wire and ivory keys they are wei
come TO, but the skeleton want for refrig-
erator.-l Exchange.
rFLAwYER.-'sYo said Smith and Sim
mons were engaged, just outside of the gro
Gerry door, toward the heel Of the fight now
tell the court and jury what you were doing
at that particular juncture YOURSELF
Witness.-'sMe? / was persuadin' VIM
johnson that he was doin' of wrong thing
but he wouldn't listen to me.'
A q L