Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1856-12-13

HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.


HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.
Oar devil says printer sets while he is
Standing, aud stands while he sets.
Some people go to church to close their
eyes, and some to eye their clothes.
What can be worse than to have tooth
ache To have two teeth ache, of course
Don't abuse your neiglbor all the week
AID pat on a long face when you go to tie
church Gil Sunday
TIE Debt Of Mature. Englishman
dies exactly poor. fer he leaves his share in
the National Debt to his children Pinch.
Chesterfield having been informed by bis
physician that he was dying b inches, con-
graduated himself that he was not as tall as
Sir Thomas Robinson.
It Is singular to see boarding-sehoo
Miss afraid Of cow, notwithstanding she
did all the milking at home few months
previous.
The young lady who clopcd few days
eince from this city with distinguished
major has returned with minor in her
arms.
At the late Agricultural Fair, in tie re-
port Of articles on exhibition, TIE following
item was given - Best Bed Comforter
Miss Susan Thompson Cutie likely.
No who are eating the apple dulnplincs
and n1olasses of wealth, should not forget
those who are sucking the herring bones of
poverty.
Az ed gentleman ef cur acquaintance
Gays thai he is the less ran II the world to
tyranni2e over daughters Affections. So
long as she marries The man Of his choice,
lie don't care who she loves
Father said cobbier's lad, peggir 2 a.
way at an old shoe, they say III; trout ute
row. We'll, we'll replied the Id gentle
nan, you stick to your work. and they
went bite YOU
Why didn't you catch dat coon, when you
cot near him in the tree, Gufcc ? Case,
msssa, one of US fell cur-thump Oh the
ground; and when | lock round, foud out
twas dis niger heself
At city hotel ycrdant looking chan
sat down TO take some fllin' a waiter pre-
sented himself at the back of his chair, and
politely inquired Tea or coffee sir 2 Tea
he answered. What kind Of tea, sirY
Greeny looked up in the walters face, Why,
store tea, Of course don't want any OF
your sassafras stuff.
It Was remark of Themistocles tLat he
preferred marrying his daughter to mar
who lacked wealth, rather than one who
Kicked sense. Had all fathers been of the
same opinion, what set Of fools the world
would have been spared.
Two ladies' who inhabit tie region of tie
Five Points, n. York, were having some
words together, when tie daughter of one
Of them popped her head cut Of the dor,
and cried out Hurry, mother, and call her
thief before sile-cslls you one
recent traveller records the following
anociote:
Jack, said man to a Lad jus! 5ljoting
his teens, your father s drowned
Darn ii, replied the young hopeful, and
he $ got ny knife in his pocket
A minister approached nischieyoJ.s IT.
dhia about twelve years old, ard laying his
hand upon his shoulder, thus addressed him.
My son. believe the devil has got hold Of
you. I believe h. has too, was the signif-
cant reply Of the usehin,
4 lady being in want Of dyer, was re-
ferred to an excellent worklnan, and some
thing Of a wag, in his liue. The lady called
and asked Are you the dyeing man ? No,
Eaa' an, I'm living man, In, | viii dye g.
you,' promptly replied the man Of many
eolors, putting the emphasis where it WIS
needed
Self-denisl is tile most exalted pleasure.
Sci. exaltation is tie FOOLS paraiise.
Self-love Is the mother Of vanity
Self preservation is the first tow ofnature.
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Hat and TAP s}ore---geulayal.
TIVE sutseriber begs leave y Iu7 I'm ne n lie
taat he has removed his Il tT L CAP SfORE