Mineral Point tribune. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1854-1858, 1856-06-17
VOL. IX, NO. '24.
My Wife 5 Piano.


tranquil lnind-farewell content and eve
nlng papers, and the big cigars that make
ambition vlrtue-oh, farewelli And oh,
ye mortal engines, whose rude throats the
immortal Jove's dread clamors counter
feitr' But stop, can't bid them farewell,
/ for one of them has just come. it cams
on a dray. Six men carried it into the
parlor, and it grunted awfully. 1t weighs
Il ton, shines like a mirror, and has carved
/ Cupids climbing up its legs. And such
iungs-whew. My wife has commenced
to practice, and the first time she touched
the machine / thought We were in the
midst of a thunder storm, and the light
ming had struck the crocllery chest. The
cat with tail erect, took bee line for a
particular friend upon the fence, demol-
ishing six shilling pane of glass. The
baby awol,e; the little fellow tried his best
TO beat the instrument, but he didn't do it
1t beat him.
| A teacher had been introduced into the
house. He says he is the last of Napo-
Icons grand army. He wears a long
moustache, looks at me fiercely, smells of
gallo, and goes by the name of Count
Runaway nd-never-come- -back-a gain.---
He run his fingers through his hair twice,
then cooked his eyes up at the ceiling like
monkey hunting flies, then down came
! af nd I ri A
ful sound, similar tc that produced by
cocllroach upon the tenor string of a fid-
| die. Down comes another and | was re-
minded Of the wind whistling through a
knot hole in a hen coop. He touched
his thumb, and thought l was in peach
orchard listening to the braying of jack
ass. Now he runs his fingers along the
keys, and | thought of boy rafting a
stick upon picket fence. All of a sud-
den he stopped, and l thought something
had happened. Then came both fists and
oh, Lord such a noise was never heard
before. thought a hurricane had struck
the house and the walls were caving in
coal falling on my head. l thought the
machine had burst, when the internal
thing stopped and heard my wife ex-
claim:
Exquisite!' -
"Wha. the deuce is the matter 2''
The answer was:
Why, dear, that's Solnnambula"
"D--n Somnambula !" thought -
and the coun, rolled up his sheet.
He calls ii music, brtt for the life of me
| can't make il Ike any thing else than
rail fence with lot of juvenile niggers
climbing over it. Before that instrument
of torture came home could enjoy my
self, but now every darned woman in the
neighborhood must be invited to hear the,
new piano, and every time the blasted
thing shrieks out like Il locomotive with
the bronchitis, | have to praise its tone,
and when invited guests are playing I
have to say, Exquisite - Delightful -
60 Heavenly and all such trash, while at
the same time, know about as much of
music as goldfish There are more tun-
ing hammers than comfort in our house,
and-and wish the inventor of the pia-
no was troubled with a perpetual night
mare and obliged to sleep in one of his
instruments all of his life.
As for myself, / had rather put my head
under a tin pan and he drtmmed to sleep
with a pair of smoothing irons, than hear
g La Somnambula," OF anything like " La"
thumped out OF piano. Scatter pennies
in front of my house, and draw all the
wandering minstrels in the city-hand or
gans, banjoes, fddles, talnborines, rat,ling
bones and fish horns, let juvenile monkeys
crawl in at my windows in search Of three
cent pieces, let me be awakened az mid
night by the cry of murder - ring the
fire bells and have a devil of time gen.
erally-do all this and will not complain;
but bansh the pianos. My piano has got
to 90. / am going TO launch the Internal
thing out of the window the first dark
night, and my friends advise you to sleep
with cotton In your ears for when she
gives her dying grunt you'll think you've
! fallen out of bed, or a fallen star has gone
to roost on your house-top. For the IN
formation of Young America, will state
that the pieces of brass wire and ivory
keys they are welcome to, but the skele-
! ton | want for refrigerator
! sg A maiden lady of our acquain-
-. T. companv tho other o,-a,,