The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1856-08-14
VARIETY.


Modesty is sweet song bird, no open cage door
can tempt to fight.-Easern Saying.
Learn to hold thy tongue. Five words cost Zacha-
rias forty weeks silence.
At what age are ladies most happy? Marriage
Hobbs, the locksmith, has picked one of Band1o's
CORY locks-he did it with pck-axe. He isnow at
work on o wed-lock.
She that marries because he is 'good
match - must not be surprised if he turns out ga
Lucifer.''
There is lady in Boston who is habitually SO
sleepy that her curiosity cannot be awakened
4 pleasant wife is a rainbow in the sky, when her
husbands mind is tossed with storms and tempests.
To the disappointed man, life, the lungs is nothing
but a heap of "sells, . (cells).
A Printer has this in common with Postman !:
! he picks up letters and distributes them
A Wine has been advertised under the name of
naked sherry. 1t ought, at least to have body
! A LADY's DRESS SIdPLIFIED-Puttng on bon
net and taking it off the head again, done
by one and the same movement.
What sort of dru,m is that which is best when
it eonnot be beaten Ans.-Why, conun-diaam,
of course.
We once heard of dog who had whistle which
grew the end of his tail. He always called him.
self when wanted.
White hair is the chalk with which Time keeps its
scores-two, three or fourscore as the case may be-
ON mans head.
Power OF GoLD-NIidas was so great a man, that
everything he touched turned to god-atered case
now, touch man with gold and he will change into
anything.
The rose of Florida, the most beautiful of flowers
emits fragrance the birds of Paradise, the most
beautiful Birds give songs the cypress of Greece
the finest of trees, yields no fruit.
Don't stand there loaing,'' said professor at
Union, to three students standing where they
ane oh three Of u.s. ana it takes ere 10 make
A lawyer being sick, made his last will and testa-
ment and gave all his estate to fools and madmen
Being asked the reason for doing, he said, "From
such got it and to such I return it again
When native of Java has child born, he nme-
diately plants cocoa-tree, which, adding circle
every year to its bark indicates the age of the child
The child in consequence, regards the tree with af
fection all the rest Of its life.
In the arctic regions, when the Thermometer is be-
low zero, persons can converse more than mile dis
tant. Dr. Jamison asserts that he heard every word
of a sermon at the distance of two.miles.
GILBERT STUART.-The celebrated portrait painter
met lady in the street in Boston, who sauted
him with-'s All, Mr. Stuart, have just seen your
miniature, and kissed it, it was much like you
ssAnG did it kiss you in return 20
seWhy, no.
e'Then,' said Stuart cit not like me %
An Irish post-boy having driven a gentleman
long stage through torrents of rain the gentleman
said to Paddy, g Are you not very wet 70 ss Arrah
don't about being very wet but phase yer hon
CT I'm very dry''
Horne Tooke was the son ofa poulterer, which he
alluded to when called upon by the proud striplings
of Eton to describe hinselss (said Horne) the
son of an eminent Turkey merchant
STAr1sT1oAI.-Some people talk great deal about
minister's and the cost of keeping them paying their
rent table expenses, and other items of salary Did
such croakers ever think that it costs thirty-hve
millions of dollars to pay the salaries of American
lawyers; that twelve millions of dollars paid out
annually to keep our crimials and ten millions Of
dollars annually keep the dogs in the midst of
alive; while only six millions Of dollars are spent an
nualy to keep six thousand ministers in the United
States These facts, and statistics will show them
to be facts.-ft Louis Democrat,
ANEoDoTE OF BURNs.-Burns was standing one day
upon the quay at Greenock, when a wealthy mer-
chant belonging to the town. had the misfortune to
fall into the harbor. He swimmer; and his
death would have been inevitable had not sailor,
who happened to be passing at the time Immediate
y plunged in and at the risk of his own fe rescued
him from his dangerous situation. The Greenock
merchant upon recovering a little from his fright,
put his hand into his pocket and generously presented
the saiorswith shilling The crowd, who were by
this time collected loudly protested against the
temptible nsgnifcancs of the sum, but Burns, with
smile of ineffble scorn entreated them to restrain
their clamor, For said he, s the gentleman is of
course the best judge of the value of his life.
prepared prove the truth ofthe following statement
of the performances of hen, nearly pure Dorking,
lin the past year. send it to you for insertion, think
4 ing it may interest some of your numerous poultry
readers:
On the 18th Of January she hatcfed thirteen chick
Eens she reared twelve, and left them at eight weeks
old. Laid twentythree eggs; sat seventeen hatch
ed them all, and reared them. Laid again nineteen
eggs; sat and Matched thirteen, and reared them
all.-[JoHN BAIL1-Ho Horticulturist.
A Damsel was asked--ss When lady and gentle
man have quarreed, and each considers the other at
fault which of the two ought to be the rstto advance
toward reconciliations' Her reply was: ssThe
best hearted and the .wisest of the two
The Latest Irish bull we read of, is the case OF an
Irish gentleman, who, in order to raise the wind
whereby to relieve himself from pecuniary embarrass-
ment got his life insured for large amount, and
then drowned himself