The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1856-07-30
WooDsFIEID, MONROE COUNTY, OHIO. JULY 80. 1856
About Going West.

About Going West.
/ A correspondents furnishes the following
information to the Philadelphia Saturday
Evening Post, forthe benefit of those des-
rous of going West:
! The first question comes from Cam
bridgeport, Massachusetts,, and reads as
| follows:
(Which is the best time for going West,
| the spring or autumn?"
The best time for going West is when
you have the money about you, and the
least fear of losing it. Ifyou come in the
srring you are sue to shake yourself 70
death with the ague before fill Ifyou come
II The fall you may live until spring if you
don't freeze TO death before you get there
If yon come at all, you had better get
your stomach Incl with water proof ce-
ment so as to be able to digest corn bread,
bacon and whiskey, this is all we have to
eat, except a few French frogs. aud bilious
looking tadpoles, which We catch when the
river runs down.
Second question:" Does the fever and
ague prevail much in Wisconsin,"
or course it does. Nobody out West is
fool enough to ask such question. Every
body shakes even the trees shakes you
can't coax a. .crab-apple to stay on when
it is good for anything; it will shake a
man out of bed, kick him out of doors,
and shake the betstead at him till he gives
| it M.
| Third question-"IIow long does pre-
cm,tiun hold good?'
That depends on circumstances. Ifyou
| hive good rifle. and know how TO use
i you have cha ce to ten that you may
live until you starve TO death But if you
can't fire, ami are not good shot aud a
quick n. take my word for IT, you h I'd
better t,rrv in Jericho until your .>eard be
grown; they are all too smart for vou in
/ that neck of woods.
| Fourth question: land to be had
in the north west part of Ohio for 81, 25
per acre, and is it good?"
| That is all fudge, got up hy srecula-
tors to gull some greenliorn like you or
ne, for, to the best of my knowledge, Ohio
was worn out ten years ago. The whole
business of the railroads, in warm weather,
is to carry back persons who have been
fools enough to come west. All that the
railroads We're doing this winter was car
rying dirt into Ohio out of Michigan, TO
raise few beans and oats, to keep the
folks from starving to death this summer
| AS to the land in the northwest OF
Ohio, it is eighteen inches under water
most of the year, and will probably be
worth 81 ,25 per acre when water-snakes
and copper, heads bring as much per bar
rel in the New York market as potatoes
And lastly, he wants reliable informa-
tion-and he wants to go TO healthy
location, decent land, and fair water
Exactly! Why, my dear sir, there is
no such thing as reliable information out
West. unless you pay for it. A lawyer
wont tell the truth unless you give him
five hundred dollars, and then you caa't
believe half he says.
A witness won't tell the truth in court
unless you first scare him TO death, and
make him swear he won't lie, aud then
neither himself nor anybody else knows
whether he tells the truth or not.
II you ask Miss of stout blooming
sixteen fora kiss, she pettishly says "no,"
when everybody knows she means yes
OF course.
On the whole, if yon feel obliged by
] our short article" SO do I. If you wait
TO GO to healthy land, stay at home. and
don't be a fool like myself, and come out
West. And as for decent land. my dear
fellow, what do you mean? You must
know that our wild prairie is very inde.
cent, especially when it is burnt over and
/ left as naked DIS it was born. -
AS for fair water. we have none; it is
all a bilious compost of liquid mud, dead
buffaloes, fish and rotten rattlesnakes.
Our common drink, when We can't get
whisky, is one-third coffee, one third prai-
rie mud and tobacco juice. g
Upon the whole, if you have good wa
ter, and get half enough to eat, stay where
you are. Yours truly.