The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1856-07-09

The following dialogue occurred in coul
in State not two thousand miles from Ne,
Orleans. A quack doctor of the Thompso
Man order was called to the stand as witness
and after be had testified to having made
night visit, the prosecuting attorney began th
cross-examination thus:
"Mr. doctor, to what school Of practice
you belong?"
II don't belong to any school. Ineyer wen
to school in my life, thank YOU"
'.But that is not quite what want to know
mean to what school of medicine do you be
long?"
Il tell you sir, never went to any schoo
Of medicine or practice, or any thing else.
believe nature makes doctor am a seventh
son, sir and didn't need to 60 to any school,
"Well, well, what system of medicine d.
you practice2 That is, what kind Of medicine
do you give?"
20, that's what you want, is it? Why,
give the Brutanic medicine always, and every
where" "N
stThe Brutanc9 You mean the Botanic
system, don't you?"
mo, sir, the Brutanic, say?''
Now; will you tell me how much you charge
for nocturnal visit?'' LAB -...
"sir, livery Indignantly | don't give any
such medicine. / practice, as told you, the
Brutanic system, and I'll have you and this
court to understand, don't give any such
medicine as that horrid stuff
No more questions were asked. r~
During the late Mexican war, the veteran
general Riley, since deceased, was .ordered to
lead the storming party at Cerro Gordo. Dur
ing the war of 1925 general Riley had been
Ehpt tlya IN bud
euiarly strange information. He was ordered
to storm one of the batteries of Cerro Gordo,
and when bis command was mustered, was
thus addressed by his second in command:
General, don't think that we can take this
work.
"Think! You are not paid for thinking"
"But, sir" said colonel B., I'VE can't take
it, believe" = "
"Can't take it-you have got to take it,
The old general put his hand to his belt, and
pulling out paper, said" Here, thir ilh gen
eral SCOTS order in black and white to take it,
And they did take it.
There was impressive compactness, and sad
truthfuness, in the Menominee chief Grizzly
Bears critical judgment upon the stone groups
IN the rotunda OF the capitol at Washington.
Turning to the eastern doorway, over which
there is a representation of the landing of the
pilgrims, he said, "There Ingen give white
man corn" to the north, to the representation
of PENIS treaty, 'there 1ngen give UNI lands;;"
and TO the west, where Pocahontas is seen saw
ing the life of captain Smith, "there Ingen
save UNI llfe;" and lastly, to the south, where
the pioneer Daniel Boone, punges bis knife into
the breast Of the red man, while his foot rests
on the body of another, land there white man
kill Ingen.''
An ignorant fellow, who was about to get
married, resolved to make himself perfect in the
responses of the marriage service; but, by mis-
take, be committed to memory the Office for
baptism for that Of ripper years; SO when the
clergyman asked him in church:
''Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wed
ded wife," the Bridegroom answered in very
solemn tone,
81 renounce them ALL
The astonished minister said, .
Il think you are foolp'
To which be replied,
"All this steadfastly believe"
DR.. Ounce told a story OF two black men
who were drinking out Of the same cup. The
first drank a.little, and smackng his lips cried
hem This astonished the first drinker, whol
finding the cup empty, asked thus of his com
panion: t'Why de debil you no cry hem
before dis?" "Oh," said the second, Il hab
heard der is poison at de bottom ob de cup, SO ,
drink him off for fear him hurt my friend"
A friend Of ours had dispute with his wife :
last week on the subject of decorating the walls
of the apartments into which he had Just NOV =
ed. The wife wanted the walls to be papered; =
the husband insisted that they should be hand +
somely painted. i
Surely" exclaimed the wife, after wordy #
ssquabble, you know that paper looks the 8
handsomest."
Eyes, but l am opposed to capital punish u
ment." h
what has that to do with our walls?" ask c
ed the surprised wife.
"A great deal,'' was the husbands reply,
It would transgress my principles most wofuy
10 have paper hangers here.' :
The wife concluded that it would be polite /
10 have the walls painted =,
Patronise politeness!-We never knew a r
really obliging polite shop keeper, but who, if f
ne kept good assortment. was always we'll {
supplied with custom. Its pleasant 10 trade =
with cheerful face, and it goes against the \
heart to chatter for an abatement when the re- h
usal is neither gruff nor sury, but gentle, de- tt
,ided, and smiling. n
The following order, verbatim ct iteratim, ii
was received by an undertaken in the Bowery
last Friday morning, from an afflicted widower
living in Pearl street: a v
Sur: my Wiaf is ded and Wonts to be bcr- ii
led to morror. At wonner klok. U nose wair q
90 dig the Hole-bi the said Of mi to Uther u
Eiafs-Let it be deep" o
Bobby. what does your father do for a liv-
ng2 "He'sa philanthropist, SIR "A WHAT"
A philanthropist. He collects money for :.
central Africa, and builds houses out Of the =
proceeds" ID
The Washington Sentinel quotes the memo y
able saying Of general jackson, .tthat over the !
ioors of each house Of congress, in letters OF ,
soid, should be inscribed the words: "The
landerer is worse than the murderer"
4 young lady in the millinery line was de-
erted BY her adorer, and broke forth in this 2
Fay: "Such a mental ought to be battered 10 !,
eath with thmbles, and buried in band +
ok .-... mal- q
A man in Florida who swallowed an orange e
eed last fall has breath so FRAGRANT az oran1a a