The Nevada Democrat., 1856-09-17
VARIETIES.

VARIETIES
A FUNERAL INvITATIoN.-Th following order,
rerbatim ct Heratim, was received by an underta-
ker in the Bowery, from an afflicted widower
living in Pearl street:
Sur my wiaf is ded and Wonts to be berried
to morror. AT wonner klok U nose WAR too
dig the Hole-by the siad OF mi too Uther
Nafs-lct it be deep.
A cotcmporary pertinentiy rcmarks
"When Fremont accepted the nomination OF
the George Law kaow-nothlngs he said he
would soon publish his views on that subject
which he d d not doubt would be found acceptable
to these sworn sCctares
at is little awkward for his friends to be
appealing to the Germans and Irish to vote for
hm at the same time that he is returning thanks
for know-nOthng nomination. and tlnkering
up knownothing platforms"
An Irishman's idea of America is contained
in the following extract from "The Fairy Cir
Gle :" a tale of John Brougham's Irish Echoes:
"Whrre d d 'baccy come from, Corney"' in
quircd Mary.
"Why, from Meriky, where else ~ he replied
chat sent us the first p.taty. Long life to 1t,
for both say !"
"What sort Of place is that wonder"
"'Merikv. is it?" They tell me its mighty
! L y
rowl Englaud through it, an it would hardly
make dnt in the ground; there's fresh water
oceans inside of it that you might dhround Ire
] land in and save Father Matthew a wonderful
! sight of throuble; an as for Scotchlhnd, you
might ck it in a corner of one OF their lofests
an you'd never be able TO find it out, except, 1t
may be. it might be by the smell of wh'skey,-,
If had only thrihe of money, I'd go and seek
my fOrtin there"
PRINTING PRESSES, PCIrTTs AND PETTICoATs.-
These are the three great levers that govern the
world. Without them the bottom would fall
ont, and society would become chaos again.
The press makes people patriotic, the pulpit re-
ligious. but women sway all things. There
would be no going to church if there were no
girls there, neither would there be any going to
war were the soldiers to meet with no applause
but from the masculnes Without the sunshine
shed by women the rose of affection would new
er grow, nor the flowers of eloquence gefml-
nate In short, she is the engine OF life, the
great motive of love, valor, and civilization
In proof of this truth in all history speaks trum-
pettOngued
ORIGIN OF FREs.-The Investigations of the
New York Fire Marshal into the fires which oc-
cur in the city, disclose the following curious
facts In one case fire was caused by the up
setting of bottle of Harlem Oil on red paste
composition used for destroying vermin. In
another case, man put a pipe in the pocket of
his coat, without putting it out, and hung the
coat in room. The coat took fire. and set the
room in blaze. In another, young lady
placed lighted lamp on washstand which
stood behind the door. Her dresses hung on
the door, and as it swung back they caught fire,
ard were destroyed with other property
SMILES AND FRowNs.-Whch will you do
smile. and make your household happy, or be
Grabbed and make all those young ones gloomy,
and the older ones miserable? The amount OF
happiness you can produce is incalcnlaDle, II
you show smiling face a kind heart and speak
pleasant words. Wear pleasant countenance;
let joy beam in your eyes, and love glow on
your forehead. There is no joy like that whc9
springs from kind act or a pleasant deed; ana
you will feel it at night when you rest, at morn
ing when you rise, and through the day when
about your business.-LLOme Journal.
WoMEN-Women make their advances as
Time makes his. At twenty, when swain ap-
proaches to pay his devoirs, they eXclaim with
an air of indifference "Who is he?'' AT thirty,
with prudent look towards the ways and
means. the question is-"What is he ?" Atforty,
much anxiety manifests itself to make the hy-
menal selection, and the query changes into
(Which is he ~ But at fifty, the anxious eX-
pectant prefers to seize upon any prey, and ex-
claims ''Where is hegF
The Boston Times says that the rumor that
Hon. Rufus Choate and Hon. Robert o. VIM
throp. had given in their adhesion to the Gin
cnnati nominations, created lively sensation
throughout that city, and that there are good
grounds for the report.
When Dobbs was dying, his wife, who had led
him q terrible life, was afraid that he would III
ther cut her off with shilling, or prevent her
marrying again; she was young and handsome,
if she was a Tartar. But Dobbs left her all his
money. on condition of her marrying again,
'for then" said he, Il shall be certain that
somebody else will be as wretched asIve BEEN"
A Windy Orator once got up and said: "Sir,
after much reflection, consideration and examl-
nation, have calmly and deliberately and care
fully come to the determined conclusion, that
in cities where the population is very large,
there are a greater number of men, women ana
children than in cities where the population is
less'
A witness in q recent case of assault tried at
GreenOck, stated that he saw the complainant
fall several times He considered him neither
sober nor drunk, but only so much the worse
for liquor that he could not stand. He was
convinced, however, that another OF the party
was drunk, because he erept up stairs on his
hondS ond lxneeg