New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-11-24
from the New York PcaguneI
Doesticks attends the Performance of his
NeW PLAY -. wv

~
At last the eventfuI day arrived for the perform
ance of my play it had been cut out and filed
in and curtaed in some parts and elongated in
Others had altered it, the manager had altered it,
and the actors had altered and forgot the rest
| 50 that at last it had about as much resemblance to
the original piece it did to burlesque Romeo
and juliet. The scenery we thought would operate,
though there was an obstinate mountain which, for
long time, refused to to slow music thought
to and !streetH full Of omnibuses and clam-wag-
ons, which usually declined giving way to ths uniE
habted forest, where foot Of man never trod before
and an scene which would not get ont OF the
way when wanted a view OF a kitchen with
range and large assortment Of tea-kettes to occupy
the back ground--but we finally made all work
smooth we coaxed the mountain we hitched anotE-
rope to the street. and put lard oil on the troub
lous ocean. It took some time to teach the men
how to manage the scenic efects-it was three days
before the would thunder in the right place and
then he would persist in making the earthquake
swallow the wrong @r, IA
1t took no little management to make the orchestra
play quick music for the dances, and slow for the
deaths instead Of vice versatile leader for week
insisting on performing dead march when the char
acters wanted to join in country dance and in play
j ing horn-pipe when wounded hero was dragging
his slow length along, intending to expire when his
cue came, witt, the proper agonies
But at last everything was ready-the dresses were
made the actors knew much OF their parts as they
would if they had studied them for year-the post
ers were printed, and the night came-ffteen little
boys with thick boots furnished with free tick
cts and sent into the galleries, with accurate intruc-
tons to applaud at the proper places, and all the
arrangements made to have the thing 60 off well.
In the afternoon heard painful ruEnor to the eff
feet that my friend, Bomb L. Bee now my sworn
enemy, because had one night refused to fight, sin
glehanded Elk policemen for his amusement while he
stood by smoking cigar and watching the fun, had
resolved to wreak his vengeance on me that evening
that he had in person purchased thirtytwo pit tick
ets and had been observed to distribute them among
some short boys, and at the same time had furnished
each one with a flask Of whisky and hickory club:
was also informed that active friend of his had
been buying ancient eggs at half-price, and coz
cealing dead kittens in the immediate neghborhood of
the theater evidently with the intention of smuggling
them into the house at night when the crowd would
be too great for the smell to be Immediately detected
could not doubt that these preparations portended
evil and therefore, took my seat in my private box
with fear and trepilaon, hoping, however that the
sensible majority Of the audience would be carried
away with the beauties of my drama, and instantly
froWn down all opposition. =
The overture was played-curtains didn't go up
audience began to get wrathy-nanager rushed %
, my box with ghastly conntenauce, and said that
sIuggins drunk. It was too true. Mnggins, VINO
scenes, and there stood Mnggins with his coat on
hind side before. nodding his head and seepily sing
ing " Bobbin Around" when he ought to have been
costumed as an Egyptian King, with sceptre in his
hand, spouting the highest kind of tragedy in the
, soterest kind OF voice. When Muggins me- he
made feeble attempt apologize. He said he had
the rheumatism he couldn't preach my funeral SER
mon that night, but would accommodate as soon
as the tide out, if he could find his hatchet, at
the conclusion Of which lucid speech he drank my
health out OF paint pot under the impression that
the paint pot something else Muggins turned to
go away. and strove to bid afeGtionate farewell
and wanted to embrace me-n my despair knocked
him down, and in my desperation chocke him nearly
: to death.
/ Audience began to make row and hiss-jj1st then
Jones, an ambitious young man who wanted to make
sensation volunteered to take Muggins place, and
soleanly assured US that he knew every word Of the
palt-consented to let him trymanager went before
the curtain and informed the crowd that Auegns had
been tee9aphed to attend the funeral Of his mother,
unless they would consent to have Jones. Then, to
- give Jones chance to dress, the farce played first
) Jones about half as big as Muggns but he was
L obliged to Muggns dress, and tried to make it
fit hin-he had cut it off where it was too long, and
pinned up where it was too big, but in spite Of his
efforts it looked it had been made for four
" wear at once, and the other chaps hadn't come-but
! there was no help for it, and the play went on.
The scenery tolerably we'll, only the mountain
broke in two and had to be carried off in fragments,
and tree fell and put out of the lamps.
Then Jones made his appearance as the hero-Jones
J. went on. and was Immediately sauted by cabbage
= head which thrown from the gallery by othe
Is doors without having his money back, by policeman
u who in my private pay. After this little inter
u ruption had subsidized Jones proceeded-Jones was
" little bewdercd by his vegetable reception, and didn't
know where he was So Jones made love to the wrong
IL woman, and wanted to fight the wrong man--then
L Jones going to kill himself three acts before
could spare him He partially recovered his sefpos-
t. session. however and contented himself with speak
II ing couple OF speeches that belonged to somebody
h else then he walked off at the wrong entrance and
kicked the prompter for trying to give him the right
- cue. -l .
Then there was the grand procession of soldiers
ID and Egyptian virgins-they marched on the stage
s. but it that the Captain Of the soldiers, in his
u anxiety to have his all properly dressed, had for
Us gotten his attire, and went on with cowhids
;, boots when he should have had sandals and sleep:
gray breaches instead of spanged tunc while the
golden helmet he should have worn, was ll-suppheG
iu by the brown square paper cap which he did wear
" He was greeted with a shout from the opposition
d. which at reused him to consciousness Of his po
stion. One glance at his legs decided him, and he
Jumped over the orchestra and fled to parts unknown
ID then the soldiers and the virgins went wrong, ant
no one could get them rght-they finally made
grand scatteraton and in all trying TO get out at thu
r. same door at the same time got into an neXricab
he snar while the heels OF the soldiers smashed the toe
of the virgins and the elbows of the virgins did fear
Is full execution on the ribs of the soldiers
Thus the curtain went down on the first act amids
p the shouts Of the audience and the agony of tn
nc author.
Second act-Jones, my prince, who had been drink
re- ing brandy punches to cure his fright began to sho7
~ the effect OF his medicine and became very unreliable
eu about his egs-he looked in mirror, misook his
ce reflection for the manager and asked himself for Al
increase of salary, and instant order the treasur
for money enough to buy eleven gin slings-then hi
for cue was given and he had to go and play Low
es, scene with the heroineJones went ou--Jones ough
to have taken the middle of the stage, with his lad
Mt. love BY his side but instead Of doing, and holdp
is her in fond embrace he should have done, b
* walked down to the corner pulled his wig sideways
ScOWeu traglCaI!T piueu HIS urlS anu addressed he
as "IOarv headed scoGndref'-then as ''blackhear
in ed yilan and challenged her instant mortal con
he bat-then he reminded her that she sbase met
ding slave and ordered the leader of the orchestr
S. to scouct her at once to the lowest dungeon OF tn
castlnr Then he accused her Of being 4 Peter Funk
and warned the audience to look for their pocket
ept then he suddenly changed his opinion and recoe
the nizcd her as the idol of his SOUL and invited her
leap with him cover yonder precipice,' and end bot
their mise aJe lives at once.
the Here somebody threw an egg, at which Nj;
les Sithers eat an instant retreat but Jones Valiant
in drew his sword and started to climb the gas fixture
to get into the gallery and murder tue niscrean
He was, however, promptly collared by the man
has ger aud dragged away amid his mingled VOWS
ecn Vengeance, and cries for two more brandy todd
very hot.
After Jones was thus suppressed, the manage
an again appcased the crowd and offered to read IL
md part hIself-he tried to read but was so hur1ie
les that lie couun keep the placeso in sheer desper
uld ton he at length settled the dying speech whic
he knew must come in somewhere, and when any
addressed him. he instantly replied with Despa
and death now claim me for their own when
nan c1umencet making love, he said, Despair Al
enth'-whcu the bold knight challenged him
meet him on the battle Held, all he said was 'Despa
D,itb when the iathcr of the heroine hIns