The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1856-12-02
Little Miseries ofHuman Life.

going in your direction, and reach him in
breathless condition, just in season to bid hin
good bye at some shop door. aea
While you are laughing or talking wildly
to YOURSELF in walking, suddenly seeing per
son stand close by you, who, you are sure mus
have heard it all then, in an agony of shame
making wretched attenip. to sing, in voic'
as near like your talk as possiabe, in hopes
of making yonr hearer think that you haC
been only singing all the while.
To speak familiarly to person, mistakine
him for some one else, and parting from him
with the idea in is mind that you ment tc
| quiz him.
To bow politely to person in the street
who takes no notice Of it, you feel unhappy
in the thought that the slight is seen by al
least twenty individuals.
Trading with female shopkeeper, and SEN
sible Of her disposition to Jew you, but una
bic 10 extricate yourself from the meshes oi
a bad bargain, for the fear Of offending a
lady. 6c
10 have q gentleman spit in your face and
then apologize for the accident.
Entering into the figure of country dance
with SO much spirit as to force your leg and
foot through the muslin drapery of your fair
partner.
Walking half over town, side by side with
acart containing million of iron bars, which
you must out-bray, if you can, in order to
make your companions hear word you have
further to say upon the subject you were SO
earnestly discussing before you were joind by
this article of commerce.
On your enterance to q formal dinner party
in reaching up your hat to high peg in the
hall, bursting your coat from the arm hole to
the pocket.
Walking briskly forward while you are look
| ing backwords, and so advancing towards an
other pedestrian who is doing the same; then
meet with the shock of two battering rams,
which drives your whole stock out of your
body, with the grunt of woodchopper.
breast against breast, with runion assault.
And defending shock. there come"
At length, during mutual burst of exc
crations, you each move for several minutes
from side to side with the same motion, vain
ly cndeavoring to pass on.
To have a stranger from the country drop
in just at dinner time at your place Of business,
and at the same time have the recollection Of
"picked up dinner" stalk like q ghost be-
tween you and your politeness.
To walk the streets with the highest salts
faction with yourself, and find when you get
home, yard of tape hanging down your back,
and a spot Of ink on your face.
To laugh immoderately at a good story,
and find nobody inclined tojoin you from the
fact Of not seeing its point, as you tell ii.
TO cndeavor to profit by listening to agood
M 4 ha,
painted by seeing sonic piece of work out of
line.
A coach window glass, what will not be put
up when it is down, nor down when it is up.
After relating at much length, scarce
and curious anecdotc, with considerable marks
of self-complaccncy at having it to tell being
quietly reminded by the person you have
been SO kindly instructing that you had it
from himself.
To be compelled to sit in jury box and
have some loafer, rcdolent with rum and oni
Gus breath upon you.
Tohave man tell You something You can't
understand, and finally have him ask your
oppinion on what you have been saying.
Being compelled by deaf person, in
large and silent company, to repeat some
very hastily remark three or four times, at the
highest pitch of your voice.
In reading new and interesting book,
being reduced to make paper knife Of your
finger
On arriving at the point OF the last volumn
of an enchanting novel, in which the interest
is wrought up to the highest pitch, suddenly
finding the remaining leaves, catastrophe and
all, torn out.
In the depth of winter trying in vain to
effect a union between unsoftened butter and
the crumb Of very scaly loaf.
Cracking nut with your teeth, and filling
the gap left by the grinder you have broken
out with black bitter dust. taf
Suddenly recollecting as you lie at very
late hour ola lapland night, that you have
neglected to see as usual, that the fires are
all safe below; then after an agonizing inter-
val of hcsi alton, clawling out, like culpret,
and shivcring down stairs.
Taking step more, or a step less, than
you want, going up or down stairs.
Than task of inventing new dinner every
day devolving on yoa, in the long absence Of
your wife,
Attempt TO open the stiff blade Of a rusty
knife at "a well-worn notch, with short thumb
nail.