Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-08-08
ErHEN srIKE,s y1sIrTo PoRr-

Portland is the all-darnedest place j
ever seed. Iswas there inaS38 to see; a
little about my igoing to.the Legislator,
aud sieh a rum time as & had .von never
heard telEon. Did Lever tell you about
the ice cream scrape I had 7''- s.ss;sE ~ i
We answered-in the negative and he
resumeds:st e.sl L. saiza t;.f2s uass &
st.FWall, I'D, ,beenS down two, or three
days, pokin, 'aboutstin. every hole, an
|thought I'd seedseyerything there was to
beseed; but one day toward sundown,
1 was goin' 'eby. 9 shop inc Middle street,
ithat7lookedswondsrfully slick-there was
all manner of candy, AM peppermint, an
jessamine, an what nots at the windows.
IAN, thar war sins with gold letters on to
them hangin' round the door, tellin' us
how they sold soda, mead an leo cream
thar. say TO myself l have heard a
good deal about this ere ice cream, an
now, I'll be darned if l. don't see what
they are made on'-walked in kinder
careless, an says l to chap sLandin' be-
hind the counter: 'Doyou keep the ice
creams here 2" s.-,
eyes SIR" says he, chow much'll
you have 90
81 consider a mint on it. an says I,
a pint"
The young ieiler's face swelIed, an
he like to have laughed right out, but af-
ter while he axd:
'' Did you say pint, sir ?''
Sartin," says l, " but p'r'aps don't
mind takin' quart"
"Wall, don't you think the feler snor-
ted right out. Tell you what, it made
rue feel sort o. pison, and l gave him a
look that made him look sober in about a
mint, an clenched my fist. an looked
so at him, there Mr.. Spike favored us
with a most diaboli cal expression, he
hauled in his horns the quickest. an
handed me pint of the stuff as perlite as
could be. Wall, L ia sted moutbful Of it,
and found it as cool as the north side of
Bethel Hill in January-I'd half mind
to spit it out, but just then 1 seed the con-
fectioner chap grinnin' behind the door,
which riz my spunk. Gall smash it all,
thinks |, I'll not let that white livered
monkey think am ateard-I'll eat the
darned stuff, it it freezes my inards. l
tell you what, I'd rather skinned bar.
or whipped wild Cat. but;I went it. eat
the whole Of it in abaout mint. "Wal, in
about quarter of an hour began to feel
kinder gripey about here, continued Ethan
pointing to the lower part OF his stomach,
an kept on feelin' no better very fast. till
at last, seemed ns though had got a
steam ingen sawin' shingles in me. !
sot down on a chair and bent myself up
like nut cracker, thinkin' I'de grin and
bear it !; but couldn't set still-I twist
oI onI o1V;rr,,l H.,
worm on hook. ill at last the chap as
gin me the cream, who had been lookin'
on, snickerin' says to 1ne {:
" "MIs,er," says be, &" What ails yer ?"
calls me-" says l. "thst ere darned
stuff of yours is freezin up my daylights. +"
"YOu eat 100 much," says he.
g. 1 tell you dldn ~" says 1. - know
what's anotf and what's too much without
askin' you, an if yer don't leave off snick
erin' I'll spile yer face
i" He cottoned right down, an sed he
didn't mean any hurt, an ax'd me ii l
hadn't better take some gin. I told him
would. So TUX putty good horn an
left the shop.
"After / got out, 1 felt better fur a
mint or so. but hadn't gone far afore
the gripes took me again, SO l went into
another shop an took some more gin !;
then s0t down on the State House steps
an there sot an sot, but didn't feel a
darn mite better. begun to think l was
gOin' to kick the bucket, an then l tho't
of father an mother an old SpanEer-
that's fathers old hoss-an' when l tho't
should never See them again farely
blubered. But then I happened to lock up
an see half ia dozen boys grimm an lain
at me; l tell you what it riz my dander-
that had got below zero-right up again;
Fsprung at em like wild cat. holIerin'
out that [ would shake their tarnal giz>
ards out, al the way the little devils
scnrnpercd was a caution to nobody. But
after the excitement Of the race was over,
51felt wus again an couldn't help groanin
an screechin as | went along.
eat last thot ia go to- the theatre,
but before got there the gripes got SO
strong that had to go behind meetin
house an lay down an holler. After a
while, got up an went into shUp an
eat half a dollars worth Of billed listers
with four picked cowcumbers. an wound
up With glass Of brandy. Then I went
into the theatre an seed the plays, but
felt so tarnal bad that couldn't see any
fun in 'em, for don't think the listers an
cowcumbers .lrrle me any good. / cot
down, laid do i, an stood up. but still it
went on -grpc ;ripe. l groaned all the
time, an once q while was obleeged
to screech bis5e easy. Every body
stared at me 81 soma body ho1lered-
"turn him oel'' ouee or twice. But at
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