American union. [volume] (Morgantown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1855-1859, 1856-03-08
From tAr "Uido~ Bsdost Papers"
THE UNEXPECTED PROPOSAL.

Mr.. CRANE-"Well. wilder, I've
been thinking about taking another com.
psnion--and thought I'd ask YOU"
WIDow--"Oh. Mr.. Crane, epscuse
my commotion-il's SO onexpected.-
Jest hand me that are bottle ocamfi,e
of the mantletry shelf IN ruther fain,
dew put little mite en- my handker-
chur and hold |, to my nnz. There
ihatll dew--lm oblegeed tew ye--now
I'm iuther more composed--yout u may
pe,ceed Mr.. Crane"
Mn. C.--"Well. widder. was going
To ask you whether -" I1a
WiDow-"C"ntinner, Mr.. Crane
dew--i know it's a turri5le embarras-
SIM ] remember when my dexeazed
husband made his suppositions to me,
he s'smm, red and s,utteied. aud was SO
awf"ily Hustered il did seem as if he'd
never ee, it out in tho world, aud |
s'pose it's generally tho case, at least it
has been with them that's made suppo.
sition to mo,-you sec they're ginerally
concerting about whs, kind of an an
swer they're gwine to git. aud it kind
"'makes 'em narvous. But when an in
dvidual has reason to- spose his attach
ment's reciprocated, DON'T 500 what
need there is o'bein' fustrated-tho' |
must say it's quite embarrassin' to me
pray con,inner."
MIR. C.-"Well, then / want to know
ifyou're willing | should have Melis-
syn
WIpow-"The dragon I"
Mr.. C.-'l hain't said anything to her
about il yet--thought the proper way
was to get your. consent first. Iremem.
Der when courted Trypheny we were
| engaged sometime before mother KIM
pc knew anything about it. aud when
she found it out she was quite put ou,
because did not go to her first. So
when made up my mind about Melis-
sy. thinks me Ill dew it right this time
and speak to the old woman first--"
WIDow-"OId woman, hey! THAT'S a
purity name to call me !--amazin perIite
lew Want Melissy, hey Triblea.
iion! gracious sakes alive well, I'll
give up now! | always know'd you
was simpletou, Tim Crane, but
must confess l didn't think you was
quite so big fool-want Melissy, dew
YET If that don't beat all what an ev.
erastin' old calfyou must be to s'pose
she'd look at you. Why, you're old
enough To be- her father, and more tew
-Melissy Amt only in her twenty -onelh
year. VIVA, reedickilous idea for q
man o your ages as gray as a rat tew
wonder what this world is cnmiu'
tew; ris astonishin'ewhat fools old wild
divers will make . themselves Have
Melissy !-Melissy !" .s VI
Mr.. C.--"Why wilder you surprise
me-ld no idee Of being treated in
this way after you'd been so petite to
me aud made such fuss over me and
The girls"
WIDOW --"Shet yerhead, Tim Crane
nun o yer sas To me. Thcre' your
hat on the table, and here's the door,
and the sooner You put on one aud march
out % L'nther, The better it'll be for YOU
And | advise you afore you try to get
married agin. To go out west and see f
yer wife's coId--and artcr ye're salts.
fed on that pint. jest put lee,le lamp
black on yer haii--'twould add to yer
appearance undoubtedly aud be of sar-
vice tew you when you want to flourish
round among The gais-and when we've
got yer hair fist, just splinter the spine
OF yer hack-'lwouldnt hurt yer looks
mite-you'd be in,i'ely undesirable
il you was a leetle grain straiter."
Mr. C.---"Well, | never !"
WIDow-'HoId yer rongue--you con.
sarned old cooi you tell you there's
your hat and there's the door-be off
with ycrseIf, quick metre. Or I'll give ye
a bysr with The btoomsiick.' p
Mr.. C.-"Gimmeni -
WIDOW, RrsiNG-"Git out say
amt Il gwine 10 stau here aud DO insul-
ted under my own IuH-and so--gil Il.
i"ng-and if ever you daIken my door
agin, or say a word t" Meiissy, il'll he
woss for yon---tbat's all"
Mr.. C--"TIeemeujous! What
busterr
WIDow-"Go 'ong--go 'loug--go
long, you sver!asiin' old gum. won't
hear another word (stoP her ears) won't
| won't, | won't" .....t
Exit Mr.. Crane.