Smyrna times., 1856-11-05
Selett aflisteuanp.
A Quaker Jumping a Ditch.

i
| Hezekiah Broadbrim was fair Quaker, who
sold molasses, Goldfish, china, earthenware and
clothes--and all sorts of liquors. We like the
Quakers, in deed as well as in name, and Hez-
eklah was q Hickory Quaker. He was some
what of an old bachelor, and had a sister that
was somewhat of an old maid. But she was
| the best creature alive, straight as a candle
blooming as rose land smiling as charity
| Her name was Dorcas.
Hezekiah and Dorcas walked one Sunday
afternoon, in the blooming month of NAV, TO
breathe the fresh air and view the meadows
The walking was smooth and delightful, with
no manner OF distractions, except here and
there ditch full of water, spanned by a few
edges, and too wide for a man of ordinary
jumping capacity to cross at a single bound
But Hezekah valued himself, as fat people
commonly do, on his agility, and instead of
walking few rods for the sake of bridge, he
must needs leap every ditch he came to.
"Thee'd better not try that, Hezekiah," said
the kind and cOnsiderate sister.
"Never thee mind, Dorcas." replied Heze-
kiah; " there's no danger; I've jumped a big
ger ditch when | vast half my present size.''
Gall that's very likely, but recoect thee's
grown exceedingly pussy since thee was
young man."
"Pussey! Well. ifI have that's no reason
why shouldn't be as agile as before; | tell
thee, Dorcas, can jump this ditch without so
much as touching a finger"
"Ay: but theell touch thy feet to the bot.
tom.''
"Thee's but woman, Dorcas, and thy fears
magnify this ditch even to a river. Now stard
thee aside that may have a sweep according
to my abilities"
"Nay, brother Hezekiah, thee'd better not
The ditch is wide and the bottom muddy, and
! theed assuredly spoil thy Sunday clothes, if no
J worse" "e
90, fudge your fears, girl they shall not
stay me jot. Nay, do not hold me, for | am
resolved to jump this ditch if were merely to
convince thee of my agility"
, Accordingly y Hezekiah went back few yards
in order that he might have fair run and that
, the impulse thereof might carry him over.-
Having retraced far enough he came forward
with momentum proportioned to his weight
e and velocity-and found himself in the ditch-
: The water splashed around on all sides and
snotted the Sunday clothes of Dorcas who could
, not, with all her Quaker sobrety and kind feel
ing, help bursting into a loud laugh. There
IS was Hezekish showing his agility and founder
: ing in the mud like whale! The water wal
;. not SO deep as to be dangerous, and the scene
A too lTresstlbly comic for even saint to abstain
from laughing, though on the Lords day.
&c At length, when her rlsbilty would allow
S. her power of speech, Dorcas kindly held ou
v, her hand and said: .a.iEo.t +"
= "Come hither Hezekiah, and III help the,
" out"
!" "Well, WE'LL" returned the Aounderer, in
lie tone OF vexatlon, thee does well, Dorcas, t
lie stand there and laugh at me-as though
were mere sport to see me stick in the mud an
water up to my very middle" ~.
No hoe oh
ability so marvelousIy that | could not heI
III being pleased for the life of me-and now
ry take shame to myselffor opposing thee SO sire
4, nuously, or having doubted thy capacity jump
lv ing. But if thee's satisfied with thy explo
:. and ready to come forth, will lend thee han
TO hel p thee out"
''' Thus saying, Dorcas drew near the ditcl
1g but Hezeklah, having got himself in by his VI
ry aided power, declared he would get himself OF
in the same way. But the mud was deep an
adhesive, and as he got one foot out he got th
>" other in; and thus he continued to labor al
;ts plunge till he was satisfied his own ability wa
or better calculated to help him in than to he
us, him out of the ditch! lie grew wroth, and
far forgot the plain language ne exclaimed:
, "By-!" WV "-
ne "Don't thee swear, Hezekiah," interrupt,
nd Dorcas. .,t3 r.pl.3 '.t-- .ff-atu... ...
or "Swear!'' roared Hezekiah, thee'd swe
if thee was in here! -
H. "Swear not at all, Hezekiah, but even lei
"c me thine hand, and Til use my ability to pull th
:, out, according TO the Scripture, which sayeth'
-, If thine OK or thy ass tall into ditch oil Il
:; Sabbath day - ..... ,7-.... ....
VI "Now. sister Dorcas, thee is too bad Y
rily thee should not make me so heavy as Il
former animal nor SO stupid the latter"
"As to thy weight" returned Dorcas, "th
- must be pretty well satisfied by this time; ); al
tta as for thy stupidity, it we're indeed unsister
Toe to liken thee 10 the long-eared animal. But
ely thee is satisfied on these points, and will fort
'er with reach me thine hand, I'll do as much
RAJ in me lieth to bring thee safe to land" a.
lhe Hezekiah was pretty we'll convinced by y
the time that his own ability would never fetch hi
the out, wherefore, hnhbly reaching his hand
the Dorcas, he said. 9EI - .'s'H' ''' "' "'t
us Verify, sister, will accept thine aid, int
,ou much as my own ability hath deceived me"
hat Dorcas kindly lent her assistance, aud puli
as vigorously, Hezekiah at length came to lar
ei; Shaking off the mud and water like a spani
lrl. he returned home, bat charged his sister by
es way never to mention how he came by {
The catastrophe, Dorcas promised of course, a
int as she was girl of truth and kind teelin!
len, she was as good as her word. But once
de- twice, when they were in company with seve
ner other Quakers, discsu-sing soberly about mi
B., iers and things Dorcas, looking archly at al
ther girl, merely said: ...,......... ....,..
add ever tell thee, Rachel, how brotl
-. IIezekiah, one Sunday 49," '""" '"" .
GW Hezekiah turned an embarrassing and
.saa poring look towards her, and she said !; pd
-. "Nay, nay, Hezekiah, rm not agoing
tell-but merely to ask if had told how d
.' showed thy agility one Sunday, and jnmped
q" the middle of ditch q"
sgoJ aauot 3d. ---..-... - -----41b 1baH X
50 j' Ex-JuDeE HALIBuRros, author Of Sam Sli
the Clock Pedlar, has takena final farewell
60 Nova Scotia as a place Of residence 'Clitl
{ 41l bis beautiful seat at Windsor, was sold so
.ua weeks since, and the old Judge has taken
passage for Liverpool, TO make his home
.-o Great Britain for the remainder of his days.