Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1856-11-15
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS,

HUMOROUS PARAGR 4 PI{S.
When you see a small waist, think how
great waste of health it represents.
Gamblers are like condemned darkies
gnaslling their teeth-always rafting tkeir
worries.
Women are like tulips-the more modest
and retired they appear, the better you love
them.
II man cannot find case within himself.
1t Is to little purpose to seek it any where
else
He was a very sensible man who said the
newspaper is the best breakfast company in
the world
No man can be proyident of his time
that is not prudent in the choice of his
company.
Printers are like patient wives with dis
siipated husbands they are ascd to- sci
ting up
Dogs ought to be very valuable to tam
ners on account of the immense quantity of
bark they yield.
Law is like prussie aeid--a dangerous
remedy, and the smallest dose is generally
sufficient,
Woman's tongue has been found capable,
on actual experiment. to move ,61S times
minute /! Think of that and wees.
10 make girl love you, coax her to love
somebody else. If there be any thing that
woman relishes, it is to be contrary.
A couple named Jerry Better and Louisa
We'll, were married at the Cathedral in Gin
cinnati, on Sunday Louisa was ,eeH be-
fore, but she is better now.
What's the difference between candle in
the Mammoth Cave and dance in public
house The one is taper in cavern and
the other is caper in tavern.
We have heard of al economical man @ho
always takes his meals IN front of mirror.
He does this to double the dishes. If that
is not philosophy, We would like to know
what Is
sam-'Julius, what profession docs your
brother follow now z
Julius-'He am laruia' 10 be a vocalist
in New York
Sam-.Whar am he studyin p
Julius-'At Sing Sing
i negro woman was relating her expert
enee 10 a gaping congregation of color and
among other things she said she had been
to heaven
Sister, did you see any black folks in
heaven 2
o get out you sposc | 60 in de kitchen
when | was dar'
A Fast Mantle Petersburg Inieli-
gcncer says there is man in that CITY, Who
smokes chews and drinks to the following
tune Oh gallons brandy drunk, one mile
seven-eighths Of tobacco chewed and three
and half miles Of cigars smoked IN one
year. Rather a hard case
An eccentric individual. standing upon
bridge and gazing upon youth angling be-
low, gives vent to his feelings in the follow
ing inquiry; Adolescence. what art thou
doing? Art thou endeayoring to entee the
fnny tribe to engulph into their dentieula-
tel mouths barbed hook, upon whose
ro.nt tl.ou hast fixed dainty alurcment .
No, ssr. said the boy, I'm fishing
Ma, docs Pa kiss you because he loves
you inquired little .Iakey OF his mother
To be sure, son why did you ask that
question ?
We'll, guess lie loves the kitchen girl
too, for | seen him kiss her more II forty
times last Sunday, when you was gone to
meeting.
There was fuss in the family
IN advertisement lately in an lr.sn pa
per, setting forth the many conycnences
and advantages to be derived from metal
window sashes, observes, among other par
ticuars, that these sashos would last for-
ever; and afterwards, if the owner had no
use for them, they might be sold for old
iron.
\ HARD SvrAEeR a good story Is toll
of tall, raw-boned fellow, who went mo a
market house at Boston, perhaps the Quincy
and seeing large hog on exhibition. was
nightly struck with Il
f.swear, said ne. that's great hog.
swear ! never saw finer one in my life
swear what short legs he's got. swear -
Look here, friend, said little dry look
ing individual, trotting up, you mustn't
sasear 30
/ swear should like to know why. SAID
ths hard sgearer, with an onlinous look.
Because, said the little man, swearing
II again the law and | shall have to commit
you drawing himself up.
Are you Justice Of tie Peace :? inaui-
red the swearor.
Yes, sir was the rcplv
Well | swear sud the profane one. /
an more astonished at that tfan j was about
tae hog =