Thibodaux minerva. [volume] (Thibodaux, La.) 18??-1858, 1856-05-03
The Bachelors Valedictory.
BY AUGUSTUS RAWLING.

| BY AUGUSTUS RAWLlNG.
The hour isapproaching when the ties Of bach
elorship must be parted and it behooves us
| upon this mournful occasion, to summon up tn
remaining courage which we possess, and NEE
| the sad fate like heroes. You that have tear
to shed prepare your bandannas but let you
sighs be suppressed, your pleadings hushet
while speak such things as become this mel
ancholy occasion.
| Some one piously, metaphysically or matri
monially has said, that 8" it is not good to livs
| alone," but rather that he should choose as mucf
companionship as possible. Now, in examining
| past history, the important fact meets you thai
one of our forefathers in consequence of this
desire, lost rib, and forever afterwards thai
was his weak spot, and all succeeding nations
have manifested their knowledge of this part by
poking their loved lord in the ribs upon special
occasions. 1t is with regret that we say it, and
yet sense of justice impels me to the act, that
many of you have not lived entirely alone but
be that as it may, of one thing it is certain,
am now addressing my fellow sufferers and most
of US are about to take jump. All, gentlemen,
consider the Importance of the act, the authen-
tical problem you are about to solve since twice
two makes four. You must forego many things
which you have been in the enjoyment of; (; your
pipe, the old musty pipe that has been your
friend in college days, that with its curling
smoke were fancies beautiful in your midnight
chamber; It's nothing but clay pipe blackened
with age; but has its company not banished
many cloud and many sorrow? l say seri-
ously, say it ardently, but it must be laid
aside forever; you may take parting puff at
its sweet tobacco contents, you may hold it in
your hand once more and then ah, then you
must smash it.
know my friends, our sacrifices; but we are
martyrs, we have been reduced by blandish-
ments and smiles-we have been dragged on
ward by power we could not battle against:
we have been conquered and are prisoners for
life; we have fought for the good of bachelor
ship for years, and now We must be in arms for
another's cause we shall receive salutes in our
new career and we shall return them; we may
have to recruit the infantry and we shall submit.
We have, of late, foregone all mirth, insuted
those we love by numbering rhyme; we have
not been ourselves, our transmogrifcation has
been so complete we know not who we are. Is
it not hard think of our losses, our distresses
Where now will be the social chat, the delicious
punches and coblers, (our new society says we
must use them no more) where those Sunday
reunions, those bachelor walks when beauty
passed in grand procession by us? Where are
the delights of our virtuous chambers, the four
by six mahogany cots, those relics of centurian
boarding houses; the history of mine, my friends,
would prove deeply interesting, thrice has it
been beneath the hammer, oft times the abode
of a most prosecuted race; it has stood amid the
wreck of ages, with constitution naturally
weak, yet by judicious treatment and support it
stands monument to my landlady's ingenuity.
l must leave it now; there it must receive
another, another form must clasp it, another
head must be pillowed on that soft Il mean
hardy bolster, and those chairs, three legged,
broken backed and yet loved in their infrmi
ties then those pictures, ideals of beauty, gree
ting me with smiles whenever entered, talked
10 me in my dreams All, yes, all must be for
gotten; no more shall crowd up five pair of
stairs back room in the corner, one windowed
and uncurtained; no more can call on inter
esting widows for the pretended want of rooms;
my landlady must be forgotten and all her at
tributes l can no longer expatiate upon the
component parts of breakfast sausages-no
more theorise upon the connection between cof
fee and beans My farewell must come to the
delightful the amiable, the auburn haired Bet
sy, who kindly tended my wants as femme de
chambre, must depart, her hands must hand
another's plate, plum, both kinds, and roast
beef rare, must echo in another's ears.
I shall no longer be allowed to join those
favorite story parties; no, no, must hunt deer
now. The Sunday papers shall stop. 1 must
cut Joe Briggs, for he chews aud spits on the
carpet. | shall drop John Fervis for he smokes
in the parlor. l shall never speak to my dear
friend Ned Fowler, for be never wipes his boots.
Then there is Bob Banks, he will say dam, and
Tom Russell, he is nice young man, only he drinks;
and Fred Homer, he is good but he is too young
for the society of a married man. | am resigned;
behold me victim my long loved friends if we
must part we will part as friends; | cannot join
you, but you may me. NJ s..r,s i. u. N,
When you imagine an omnibus horse neighing
Arabian charger; when you think the landlady an
angel the postmaster god, when you think the
air is peopled with mermaids and fairies, when you
think the moon is made, of green cheese, when you
feed on love apples and breathe in sighs, when you
put your coat on as pants and your shirt collar on
wrong side foremost, when your hair hangs poetic,
when your face is pale and your eyes CLASSY, then
will meet you when you are about to be trans
formed. s;gs.7,s f.srs s,,t .<s.,,s.s.,, -s.., 49,:
| feel that the hour is about approaching; beef
steaks for two at the butchers, omnibus fare shil
ling instead Of sixpence perfect horror Of aces.
Mr.. Plumber and lady at the hotel FIVE minutes
behind the time, and Caudle lecture; look at a
girl by mistake for the lamp, and get boxes on the
ears, an appendage on your arm, the rustic Of silks
in your ears only fifty dollars piece, your earnings
disappear, your money flies. All, yes, these are
the changes that and all ofus forego Farewell
the loved rambings in search of adventure. Fare
well TO the hops, the social balls pipes tobacco and
Lager Beer. can no more. 0thello's occupa-
tons gone. But my dear friends, weep not for
me; desire to bid you singy each and Ill farewell;
to each one I would be remembered. s! To you,
John, bequeath my cigar case, it has been the
abode of the real Havana; to you Fred, my pipes,
numerous and various in kind and shape they are
Of Holland, Germany, Turkey, England, France,
and last Of Connecticut clay cherish them for my
sake; to my waiter, Peter, bequeath four pair Of
pants. two ready coats nearly new, q hat that was
once Gennin's and vest that has never fitted
me. .sES ezt t+s s5...e ,.x - f4.zfJ4ss .55s
am now about to leave you, and wish you
every happiness in your career my pathlies anoth-
er way in few days I shall be able to tell you
more; everything is prepared for my transportation
TO the other state all the orders have been issued
and with acalmness, for which ! know you will
give me credit, / await, with a pause, the climax
Of the affair. My brethren, we shall meet again
on the other side Of jordan Warerly Naqazi,se.