Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1856-03-05
VOL. XXI..-.NO. 8.
AhlUSING PARAGRAPHS.

HnVSlCldtlS IlNu I'LL OCCdSlOi W PiCoSifo0 -
couple of pills for an Irishman, which were sent
to him in small box, bearing the direction,
"tbe whole to be taken immediately" visit
ing his patient afterwards, the doctor expressed
his surprise on learning that the desired affect
half if she had really given him the medicine
aFaith yer honor did sit~ She replied "hut
maybe YER honor the lid harvent come off yet -
The poor sick man had been made to swallow
the pills, box, lid and all.
aBY my sawl," says Pat, picking thsnsss
and examining them, That's 9uare scissors u
Scissors Mahoncy," responded his compaa-
ion, "sure that's no scissors that's what they
call snufers."
"Snuffers-for what's that q
"Sure, for snuffing the candle"
"O-oo-oo-oo" says Pat, I" have It now,"
and suiiing the action TO the word, he forthwith
pulled the snuff from the candle with his fingers,
deposited it in the box, shutting the snutters to-
gether exclaiming, with wonder-stariag eyes.
BE my sowl but it's sate inrentiaa, isssat i :
A Sum FOR TEACHERS" Sally Jones, have
you done that sum set you!'
"No lhir, ] can't do it."
"Can't do it am ashamed Of yea. Why,
at your age could do any sSn yoH set me"
IL Think thir, Tknow sum you san'I thfe'
out"
"Wel, Sally, let's hear and we will see."
at ith thilh, thir: f one apple cauthed the
ruin of the whole human rathe, how many thuch
will it take to make barrel of thider?'
THE man who Rms down the girls, speaks III
of married women, throws guild of tobacco in
TO the contribution box, and takes penny out
to bry more, can never have any pence in thM
world. Bedbugs, mosquitoes, sud the nightmare
and all the hobgoblins of a guilty conscience,
will haunt him on his way to that well heated ph-
son. where the convcts are fed on cinders and
aquafortis SOUP and are allowed no other auius-
elnent than 10 sit and pick their teeth red hot
poker through all eternity.
THE following advertisement appeared in an
Irish paper:
.Whereas John Hall has frauduenty taken
several articles of wearing apparel pithoM my
| knohcledge, this is therefore to inform him that
if he does not forthwith return the same, his
name shall be made public"
A LUCID Prny, Professor
Schnewkze, what is n peril iphravis?"
"Madam, it is simply crcumlocutory and
clenastic cycle of oratorical sonoroslty, clrcum-
sribinc an atom Of ideality, lost in verbal pro-
fundity"
"Oh that's it, is it ?-well, tew-be-shors,"
QUAINT AID BEAUTIFUL PaovERB.
He that in the world would rise,
Must read the news and advertise.
aTuE fire is going out Miss Filkins." IL
know it, M Green, and if you would act1ise-
", you would follow its example," 1t is unne-
cessary 10 add that Green never asked to sit up
with that girl again.
CowrEG was certainly n free mason, as he
wanted to erect Il lodge in some vast WILDER
ness
MEN OF AMERiCA-MEa OF THE AGE.-The
greatest man, take him call in al, OF the lant
hundred years, was George Washinston-an
American.
The greatest Doctor of Divinity was Jonathan
Edwards--an American.
The greatest Philosopher was Benjamin
FrankEn--an American.
The greatest of living sculpturor is Hiram Pow.
ers--an American.
The greatest living Historian is VIM. P.
Prescott-an American.
The greatest orni,hologist was ]. J. Audubon
--an American.
The greatest Lexcographer, since tho time Of
Johnson, was Noah Wcb,ler-an American.
To show how mechanical skill and labor add
to the value of raw material, the British Quar-
terly Review gives this instructive calculation -
A bar of iron valued at S5, worked into horse.
shoes, is worth Sl0,50; needles, 1856; PEN
knife blades, S32s5; shirt buttons, $29,4s0;
balance springs of Watches $250, 0O0.--Thirty-
/, one pounds of iron have been made into wire
upwards of one hundred and eleven miles in
length, and so fins was the fabric that part of
it was converted, in lieu of horse hair, iuto q
barrister's wig.
BOGUS EyEvoLENcE.-Accordingt to the Tri-
bune, sham Sunday schools form favorie and
successful means of swindling in New York,
and that paper says that in one part of the city
no less than four of these bogus establishments
are in operation, with long list of collectors,
who raise for each school from $1,000 to ST..
500 year. OF this sum ten per cent, goes to
the support Of the school, and the rest iuto the
pockets of the hangers on. The New York
Express says that tho sham philanthropists cost
the city about $4,000 annually, while theie
so-called schools are al best but mere farce.
RULING AMERIcA.-A Washington letter In
the Baltimore Sun contains the following pass-
graph:
"It is worthy of note that In the United
States there are 3,so0,00e Roman Catholics,
whilst in the Senate and House of Representa-
tives there is but one member each who even
make profession of that faith. In the cabinet,
the Supreme Court of the United States, tho
Senate and the House there is not single for
eign born citizen Surely Americans are ru-
ling America"
SINGULAR Discovery IN V1ReIMA.-On tho
goth ult. a band OF laborers on the Central Rail-
road, in Allegheny county, Va, on Cady's see-
ton, penetrated into cave, the mouth Of which
was about 3O5 feet from Jacksons River. Some
of the workmen entered it, and ceutinuing on
their course, passed under the river and came
out on the other side of it. In the cave vas
found the dead body of n hunter, with all the
equipments lying near him. About $4,000 in
bonds payable to Mrs. A. Cross, and dated in
1923, were found on the body, which was in
wonderful state of preservation. The bonds
are signed by many of the oldest citizens of
Allegheny and Bath counties.
Is" HONE is emphatically the poor mans
paradise The rich, with their many resources,
too often live away from the hearthstone, in
heart, if not in person; but to the virtuous
poor, domestic ties are the only legitimate and
positive sources of happiness short Of that holI-
er heaven which is the souls home.
--<s$--
Gssr1LlrY is neither in birth, wealth,
g IL