The Trinity journal., 1856-12-20
Doesticks in a Lager Bier Saloon.

'ier.' He and his friend Damphoop visited
IN establishment, and we take him up where
ne sat down at a table with German maid
en- standing before him awaiting orders
Damphool gave her feeble wink. and
said zwic,' whereupon she brought lis with /
her own fair hands two mugs of the bever-
age known as Lager and stood waiting
with her own hands on her hips-thonght |
she wanted to enter into conversation. so bv /
way Of making myself agreeable winked. |
as Damphool had, and also said 'zwei,'-I
thought Zwep was term of endearment.
She deserted us for an instant, and came
back with two mugs of beer. ] imagined
that of course zwei' meant darling and
that she had misunderstood me-attempted
to explain in the manner following Zwei
zwei,' said !, not more beer, but swell
after which lucid explanation, she vanished
again and brought two more mugs, at which
Damphool stopped laughing long enough to
tell me that she would keep bringing pint
doses Of Lager as long as / continued to re-
mark swell which he informed me means
two glasses of Lager, and be in hurry
about it ! he also said the reason she didn't
so away when she had served us was because
she wanted her change paid her the money,
thanked my friend for his gratuitous lesson
in German, and began to drink The first
glass seemed like sour strong beer with a
good deal of water in it : the next was not
quite so sour, and the succeeding one tasted
as if the original beer had been stronger and
they had not diluted it so much. Then we
rested, and, as had drank three pints al
reddy | was willing TO stop, but Damphool
assured me Lager isn't Intoxicating so
after little settling down ] thought !
could hold another glass and ordered it; it
was brought by young lady who seemed
to me to have four eyes and two noses point
ing IN different directions, which unusual ef-
feet was undoubtedly caused by smoke
Then thonght Id have n glass of Lager
"a liquid known to most Of the inhabitants
of Manhattan) 1t was brought by girl
so pretty, that / Immediately ordered two
moro, and kept her waiting for the change
each time so ! could look at hcr-then we
had some cheese full of holes-then we had
some Lager to ill up the holes-then we
took sausage Damphool suggested that
the sausage was made Of dog so We had
some Lager to drown the dog-then we had .
some sardineS Damphool said it would be
cruel to keep the fishes without a supply Of
the liquid element, so we had some Lager
for the fishes to swim in-then we had some
bretzels Damphool said the bretzels were
SO crooked they would not pack close we
had some Lager to fill up the chinks-then
made speech to the company; short,
but very much to the point, and received |
with appause-it was addressed to the whole /
crowd and was to this effect Gentlemen,
let's have some Lager
BY this time my friend had by some mys- /
teriouS process, become mysterously multi .
piled, and there were fifty Damphools, and .
they all accepted the invitation, and we had |
the lager-there were forty glasses, and in
trying to make the circuit Of the room touch |
ing my glass to every one of theirs, | fell !
over table which very impertinently stop /
ped before me-and as went down knock
ed small Dutchman into the corner, then
fell over him, then | partially recovered
myself and sat on his head, then got up
and stepped on his stomach, then | demand
ed an instant apoogy-then | called for six
glasses OF lager, and when the girl brought
them all in one hand, but / broke three
then tried to drink out of the remaining
three all at once, and in so doing | took an
involuntary shower bath-then | tried to
pay for the whole fifty glasses, and the dam
age, with dime and Spanish quarter and
demanded that he should give me my change I
in gold dollars-there seemed to be some
little difficulty about this, and if / hadn't |
known that lager isn't Intoxicating | should
{ Z bn 1
the point Of calling in policeman to arrest
HIM Tor swndlng, when Damphool came
and explained the matter, and his thick
head at last comprehended that was right
Little tamborine girl came along and
wanted money fer man who was performing
Tith a great deal of skill on a crank outside
--felt generous and tried to put Damphool
into the tamborne under the impression
that he was half dollar-fnally presented
the little girl with my compliments, two
cigars and penny, with which she went off
satisfied. ..I-.
Then / thought I'd make love to pretty
girl who had just brought me a glass of
lager, "A beverage prevalent in that vicinity
md which does not possess any Intoxicating
power) so / pressed to my heart for two
minutes what supposed to be her hand,
and didn't find out that it was her petticoat
until | tried to kiss it, and got my mouth
full Of wooden yarn-looked at pretty girl
with Indignation and asked her what she
meant by such conduct--tben | had mug
of lager, "a liquid which does not intoxicate,
and which is much used by the German pop
ulation)
] was finally captured by four Dutchmen,
led on by Damphoo, who took me off the
floor behind the piano, where ! was trying
TO ponr beer out Of an i fiat bugle and was
asking the base drnm if it wouldn't have
another mug. l was supported by the whole
strength Of the company as far as the door,
where Damphool took charge of me. |
went along well enough, though why de-
sired to snuff all the gas with my fingers