American union. [volume] (Morgantown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1855-1859, 1856-11-15
Great Doings at Downingville.
MAJOR DOWNING,S SPEECH.
CROOKED MATTERS ALL PUT STRAIGHT.

The people OF DowninSYliic appear
inclined to settle the political affairs of
the nation in their own peculiar man
ner. At late meeting held there,
the attendance was immense. After a
brief silence, aged citizen arose and
said that there was but one man pres
.cnt who lie thought could give clear
notion of the whole matter, and if lie
would address tho meeting he was quite
sure every body present would eat a
learticr supper, and sleep sounder uf-
ter it that night than they had donc
for long time-and that man was
MAJOR DOWNING. ~
JIcrearosc most tremendous liu2za,
every man roseto his feet and took his
hat off--then all was silence. The
Major came forward and delivered HIM
self as follows:
MAJOR DoWSING's SPEECH.
Mr.. Moderator and fellow citizens
There are two good rulcs that orter
guide,cvery man in making speech
one is, to know we'll what he is going
to speak about, and the other is, to
stop short as soon as he has said all
about it. Nothing is so easy as to
make o very long speech, preach a
very long sarmint, or write % very big
book, providing any one of these two
good rules is thought on. Itis just so
with mnsic. / knew a chap once, who
did not know 'Hail Columbia from
Yankee Doodle, nor 'Bluc Hills from
sole Hundred, but as soon as he got
up in the mornin', he would begin to
whistle and hum, and keep at it pretty
nigh all day, till the katy. dds and tree
toads struck in, and then he would stop;
but one mornin' he did get sortcr
stumpcr. There was traveller in the
nextroom to him, who was listening to
all these strange noises, and wonderin'
when there would be an end ont; at
last lie could stand it no lohgcr, he got
up, and nocked against the side wall;
the whistle and the hun ceased
Stranger, said he, i don't like to
spile your sport, but | want to know if
you can stop when you have a. mind
ter--that's all ?'' This shut him up
for that mornin' at any rate. Now,
there is our old friend, Deacon Doolit-
tie: he has hcarn tell of late that the
Southern planters are pushing their
plantations and niggcrs all over the new
countries, West, and if New England
amt wide awake, these shareholders
will work their way round North and
East, and in time there will be no snow
and ice in all New England-for he
says it is allowed, on all sides, that
where niggers and cotton go, there
is no cold weather." and no sleigh rid
ing, and, of course, no hot ginger cider
and egg pop, to take the chill out Of a
frosty starlight night, and this will
never do for New England. Soho has
filed his saddle bags with speeches Of
Sumner, (who got hit one day op the
wrong end for making one) and Beech
or and other new lights, and having a
good deal Of religion in him, he is off on
mission and at it, Sin season and out
of season"-all day and all night, and
to hear him speak makes folks stare, 1
tell you. No one can tell whether he
IS Predchtng or stumping,hc mixes both
sorts up so knowingly. Sometimes lie
finds the Bible and the Constitution
hand in hand, and then it is smooth
work; but then again they cross tracks,
and the Deacon is little bothered
and then he takes the trick that suits
him best-sometimcs the Constitution,
sometimes the Bible. T'othor day he
mixed up the Declaration Of Indcpcn-
dence" with the Constitution, and tried
to square that with the Bible. In one
hofound that 'all men were born equal,
and there was no such thing as slave
nisgcrs, and yet the Bible says, 'Serv-
ants, obey your masters "Wcll,"
says the Deacon, " this is stumper,
but, as good citizens, we should re-
member, eomctimcs, and this time es-
pacially, that the Constitution was writ
long since the Bible, and the last laao
,sthc one that judge and jury must 60
BY" So the Deacon gets on slick as
lie. Owe must lick back the South, :"
says he, "any how, Bible or no Bible,
Constitution or no Constitution. -
Some one ask'd the Deacon the other
day, IL Kansas was to become free
State, if it would be right to ltcv it do
as Illinois and Indiana has donc--pro-
hlbit all sorts Of niggcrs, free as we'll as
slaoes from coming in the State? 'Sar.
tin, said the Deacon. Suppose then,
said the other chap, 'thc South should
follow your advice, and free all their
niggers, where would they go?' Cor
said thc Deacon, giving his pig.toil q
aliclnl, dn.n.A Go q .roll la4- % La i