The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1856-04-11
A WIFE IN EXTACY AND A HUSBAND
IN FIDGETS.

in FlDGETS.
The deed is accomplished. MY wife has
got piano, "and now farewell the tranquil
content and the evening pa
pers and the big cigars that make ambition
virtue oh, farewell! And oh! ye mortal
engines, whose rude .throats the immortal
Jove's dread clamors counterfeit" but stop,
can't bid them farewell, for one of them has
just come. 10 came on dray. Six men
carried it into the parlor, and it grunted aw.
fully. 1t weighs ton, shines like mirror,
and has carved Cupids climbing up its limbs
And such lungs-whew! My wife has com.
menced to practice, and the first time she
touched the machine, thought we were in
the midst of thunder stsrm, and the livh,.
1nohd Struck the crockery chests. The
cat, with tail erect took bee line for par.
tlcular friend upon the back fence, demoish-
ing six shilling pane of glass. The baby
awoke, and the little fellow tried his best to
beat the instrument, but he didn't do It. II
beat him.. A teacher has been introduced
into the house. He says he is the last of
Napoeon's grand army. He wears huge
mustache, looks at me fiercely, smells of gar
lie, and goes by the name of Count Run.
away.never-Come-back .againby. He PLAYED
an extract de Opera the other night. lie
runs his fingers through his hair twice, then
grinncd, then he cooked his eyes up at the
ceiling Ike monkey hunting flies. then
down came one of his fingers, and | heard
delightful sound, similar to that produced by
cockroach dancing upon the tenor string of
hddle. Down came another finger, and
was reminded of the wind whistlinr through
knot hole in n hen coop. He touched his
thumb, and thought was in peach.orch.
ard listening to the distant braying of jack.
ass. Now, he ran his fingers along the KEYS.
and | thought of boy rattlng stick upon
picket fence. All of sudden he stopped,
and thought something had happened.-
Then came down both fists, and oh, Lord,
such noise was never heard before.
thought hurricane had struck the house
and the walls were caving in. imagined
was in the cellar, and ton of coal falling
upon my head. thought the machine hat
burst, when the Internal noise stopped, ant
| heard my wife calculate:
"Exquisitc! What the duce is the matter!'
The answer was
"Why, dear, that's La Somnambula."
"D-n Samnombula! thought !; m,
the Count rolled up his sheet of pape..
lIc calls it music, but for the life of me,
can't make it look like anything else than
rail fence with n lot OF juvenile Niger
climbing over it. Before that instrument o
torture came into the house, could enio,
myself, but now every darned woman in th
neghborhood must be invited to hear the new
piano, and every time the blasted thirs
shrirks out, like u locomotive with the bron
chtis, | have to praise its tone, and wher
the invited guests are playing have to say
"Exquiste!" "Dcightful!" "Heavenly!" anc
all such trash, while, at the same time, Iknov
just MS much about music as n goldfish
There are more tuning hammers than com
forts in our house, and-and wish the in.
ventor of the piano was troubled with per.
petual nightmare, and obliged to sleep in one
of his instruments all his life. As fer my.
SELF had rather put my head under tin
pan and be drummed to sleep with pair ol
smoothing irons than hear "I.a Samnombula,'
or any other La thumped out of piano
Scatter pennies in front of my house, and
draw together all the wandering ministries
in the city-hand organs, banjos, fddles
tamborines, rafting bones and fish horns.-
Let juvenile monkeys crawl in at the win
dows in search Of three cent pieces, let me
be awakened at midnight by the cry of "mnr
der'-ring the fire bells and have devil oil
II time generaly-do all this, and will moi
complain; but Danish the pianos! My piano
has got to go. am going to launch the
internal machine out of the window the frs
dark night, and, my friends, advise you te
sleep with cotton in your ears, or when she
gives her dying grunt you'll think you've fal
len out of bed, or fallen star has gone tt
rCSSiun1u y8aS housetop;> Eo. the informa
It'd ,i .sica," will state tina
al G!ass wire and ivory key
4 .,re welcome to but the skeleton wan
for refrigerator.