Minnesota weekly times., 1856-11-29
A San Francisco AuctiOMeer.

The reporter of the San Francisco Nescs furn-
ishes that paper with the following report of a
speech made by California auctioneer:
''Ladies and gentlemen, l now have the honor
of putting up fine pocket handkerchief; yard
wide, yard long, and almost yard thick one
half cotton, and t'other half cotton. too; beaut-
fully printed with stars and stripes on one side,
and the stripes and stars on t'other. 1t will wipe
dust from the eyes completely as to be death
to domagogues and make politics as bad a busi-
ness printing papers. Its great length, breadth,
and thickness, together with its dark color, will
enable it to hide dirt, and never need washing.
Going at one dollar ?-seventy five cents fifty
cents ?--twenty five cents ?-one bit? Nobody
wants it!-Oh! thank you sir!
"Next, gentlemen--for the ladies won't be per-
mitted to bid on this artice--is real, simon
pure, tempered, highly polished, keen edged Shelf
field razor; bran spankin new ; never opened be-
fore to sun light, moonlight. Starlight daylight,
or gaS-light; sharp enough to shave lawyer or
cut disagreeable acquaintance or poor relation;
handle of buck-horn; with all the rivets but the
two at the ends of pure gold. Who will give two
dollars? one dollar? half dollar? Why, ye
long bearded, dirty faced reprobates, with not
room on your phizzes for Chinese woman to
kiss Pm Offering you bargain at half dollar
Well will throw in this strop at half dollar!--
razor and strop--a recent patent; two rubs upon
it will sharpen the city attorney; all for four bits,
better than schOolmaster, and strong enough to
wash out all the stains from California poll
tician's countenance, all for four bits! Why, you
have only to put the razOr-strOp and soap under
your pillow at night to wake up in the morning
clean shaved. Won't any body give two bits, then,
for the lot? knew would sell 'em.
''Ncxt, ladies and gentlemen, offer three pairs
socks, hose, stockings, or half hose just as you're
a mind to call them, knit by machine made on
purpose, out of cotton wool. The man that buys
these will be enabled to walk till he gets tired !;
and, provided his boots are high enough, needn't
have any corns; the legs are as long as bills
against the corporation, and as thick as the heads
of the members of the legislature. Who wants
'em at one half dollar? Thank-ee, madam, the
money.
''Next, l offer you pair of boots, made es-
pecially for San Francisco, with heels long enough
to raise man up to the Hoadley grades, and
nails to insure against being carried over by
land slide legs wide enough to carry two re-
volvers and bowie knife, and the uppers of the
very best horseleather. A man in these boots
can move about as easy as the State capitol.
Who says twenty dollars? All the taxpayers
ought to buy II pair to kick the council with
every-b body ought to have pair to kick the le-
gslature with; and they will be found Of assist
ance in kicking the bucket, especially if somebody
should kick at being kicked. Ten dollars for legs
uppers, and soes! while souls, and miserable
souls at that, are bringing twenty thousand dol
lars in Sacramento Ten dollars! ten dollars!
Gone at ten dollars
s'Next is something that you ought to have,
gentlemen, Il lot of good gallowses
called suspenders. ] know that some of you will
after awhile be furnished at the States expense,
but you can't tell which one, SO buy where thy're
cheap. All that deserve hanging are not supplied
with u gallows; if so there would be nobody to
make laws, condemn criminals, or hang eulprits
until a new election. Made of pure gum-elastic
stretch like judges conscience and last as long
as Il California oiceholder will steal, buckles of
pure iron, and warranted to hold so tight that no
mans wife can rob him of the breeches are in
short, as strong: good perfect, as effectual,
and as bona fde as the ordinance against Chinese
shops on Dupont street-gone at twenty five cents.