Washington telegraph., 1856-05-07
NO. l9.
Wife in Extacy-Husband in Fidgets.

The deed is accomplished My wife has
got piano, " and now farewell the tranquil
mind-farewell content and evening papers
and the big cigars that make ambition vir-
tue-oh, FAREWELL. And oh. ye mortal en-
gines, whose throats the immortal Joye's
dread clamors counterfeit;"- stop, I
can't bid them farewell, for one ofthem is ar
rived. 1t came on dray Six men car
ried it into the parlor. and it grunted awful
y. 1t weighs ton, shines like a mirror.
and has carved Cupids climbing up its
limbs. And such lungs-whew. My wife
has commenced to practice, and the first
time she touched the machine thought We
were in the midst of thunder storm, and
the lightning had struck the crockery
chests. The cat with tail erect, took a bee
line for particular friend on the back fence,
domolishing six-shilling pane of glass
The baby awoke, and the little fellow tried
his best to beat tit beat him.
A teacher has been introduced into the
house. He says he is the last of Napole-
on's grand army He wears huge NOUS
tache, looks at me fercely. smells of garlic,
and goes by the name Count Run.aw and.
never-come-back-again-by. He played an
extract de opera the other night He ran
his fingers through his hair twice, then
grinned, then he cooked his eyes up at the
ceiling, like monkey hunting flies, then
down came one of his fingers, and heard .
delightful sound, similar to that produced
by cockroach dancing upon the tenor
string of fiddle. Down came another fin
ger, and was reminded of the wind whist
ling through knot hole in hen COOP
He touched his thumb, and thought was
in an orchard listening to the distant bray
ing of jackass. Now he ran his fingers
along the keys and thought of boy rat
Ting stick upon picket fence. All of "a
sudden he stopped and thought some
thing had happened Then down came
both fists, and oh, Lord. such noise was
never heard before.
l thought hurricane had struck the
house, and the walls were caving 10. i'm
agined | was in the cellar, and ton of coal
was falling upon my head. l thought the
machine had burst, when the internal noise
stopped, and heard my wife calculate:
Exquisite"
"What the deuce is the matter ?''
The answer was
"Why, dear, that's La Somnambula"'
"D-n Somnambula :" thought (;
and the Couut rolled up his sheet of paper.
He calls it music; but for the life of me,
can't make it look like anything else than
rail fence with lot of juvenile niggers
climbing over it. Before the instrument Of
torture came into the house, l could enjoy
myself but now every learned woman in the
neigborhood must be invited to hear the
new piano, and every time the blasted thing
shrieks out. like a locomotive with the
bronchitis have to praise its tone, and
when the invited guests are playing have
to. say, Exquisite Delightful" "Heav-
enly' and all such trash, while at the
same time know just as much about music
as blind Goldfish There are more tuning
hammers than comforts in our house, and
and wish the inventor of the piaao was
troubled with perpetual nightmare, and
obliged to sleep in one of his instruments all
his life.
As for my self, had rather put my head
under tin pan and be drummed to sleep
with pair of shooting irons than hear La
or any other La thumped
out of piano. Scatter pennies in front of
my house, and draw together all the wander
ing minstrels in the city-hand organs.
banios fddles, tamborines. rattling bones
and fish horns Let the Juvenile monkeys
crawl in at my windows in search of three
cent peices--let me be awakened at mid
night by the cry of f''murder ring the fire
bells and have devil of time generally
do all this, and 1 will not complain but
Danish the pianos Mine has got to GO
am going to launch the internal machine
out of the window the first dark night, and.
my friends, 1 advise you to sleep with cot
ton in your ears, or when she gives her dy-
ing grunt you'll think you've fallen out of
bed or fallen star has gone to roost upon
YOUR housetop. For the information of
Young America" l will state that the pie
ces of brass wire and ivory keys they are
welcome to, but the skeleton l want for