Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1856-07-03
BREVITIES-GRAVE AND GAY.

ter in great hurry, you seize hold Of the
inkstand instead of the sand box, and give
it a finishing touch!
An editor out West says :-''If we have
offended any man in the short but brilliant
course of our public career, let him send US
new hat, and we will forget the past" A
cool chap, that.
Be just before you are generous.
Never play at any kind of game.
"The child is sick, my dear"
"Well give it castor OIL Dennis. bring
up the castor OIL
cit is all gone, sir, not a drop left"
'Gone! why we have not yet opened the
bottle!'
''Sure, you have it every day, and I've
seen you use it myself on your salad! p
s'Why you seoundrel, you don't mean to
say that I have been eating castor oil every
day during the salad season p
''Sure you have sirp'
"Did you not see the bottle was labelled
castor oil?'
sSure I did, sir ; and didn't I put it in
the castor every day %
Save when you are young to spend when
you are old.
1t goes great way towards making a
man faithful to let him understand you think
him so and he that does but suspect that I
will deceive him, gives me a kind of right
to cozen him.
Read some portion Of the Bible every day.
'sYou bachelors ought to be taxed" said
lady to a resolute evader of the moose ma
trimonial.
Il agree with you perfectly, ma'am, :"
was the reply, "bachelorism certainly is a
luxury"
When does young lady wish to win more
than seven beaus at once =? When she tries
to fascinate (fasten eight.)
''What is the meaning of the word per-
severance p said one negro to another, while
conversing about sermon they had just
heard.
cit mean, take hold fast and never let
60"
Sam Slick says he would rather break a
yoke of steers any day, than to try to make
up quarrel between two women when they
have got their dander up.
The events of youth are stamped in the
memory of age, as primeval footmarks made
in clay Or preserved in stone.
Right and duty are like two palm trees
which bear fruit only when growing side by
side.
What would have become of the venders
of shilling calico, if women had never been
invented.
Mrs Partington says that she did not
marry her second husband because she loved
the male sex, but just because he was the
size of her first protector, and would come
so good to wear his old clothes out.
Which is the greatest fool-the man who
runs away from his own wife, or leaves town
with another mans p
A Greek maiden being asked what for
tune she would bring her husband, replied
in the following language: Il will bring
him what gold cannot purchase-a heart
unspotted and virtue without stain-which
is all that descended of me from my parents -
"Never be critical to the ladies, was the
maxim of an old Irish peer, remarkable for
his homage to the sex; the only way true
gentleman will ever attempt to look at the
} faults of a pretty woman is to shut his eyes. +"
Remember that true fortitude surmounts
all difficulties, and that you cannot pass in
to the temple Of honor but through virtue.
What did Napoleon mean when he said
that "bayonets think?" The meaning is
obvious. Every polished bayonet is capable
Of reflection.
A London music publisher, with the in
appropriate name of Boosey, announces some
temperance hymns.
An Irish weaver, just imported from the
!, Emerald Isle, took to his employer in Kim
arnock, Scotland. the first cloth he had wo-
ven since his arrival in the country.
Upon examination, his employer detected
two holes within half an inch of each other,
and told him that he must pay fine Of a
shilling for each hole.
''An' Place yer honor" said Paddy, ''is
it the her of holes or be the size Nv 'um
that yez put the fine on us %
ssAn' big hole and little is the same
price %
''Yes, shilling for every hole, big or
little"
Then give me hold Nv Of the place" re-
piled Paddy.
It was handed to him, when with bis fin
gers he deliberately tore the two small holes
into one, triumphantly exclaiming:
BE the piper Of Moses, an that'n save
me one shillin', any how
The good-natured employer laughed hear
tily at the odd expedient, and forgave poor
Paddy the fine,