M'arthur Democrat. (McArthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1853-1865, 1856-11-27
Declaration OF War from an
. M. ID.

broadSlde aimed at some OF the capital
sins ofman and womankind, which
amounts to nothing less than a medi-
cal declaration ofwar. "A.
Come here, thou filthy, sinking,
nasty, contemplate tobacco chewer,
whose breath would poison, our sew
er, and whose slayered lips would
frighten away anightscavenger!-- here,
take The Scalpel in thy trembling
hand, and readihy dooml Wiltthou
make respectable muck Throw
away thy tobacco! ro Get into big
spittoon, and let the water run over
and through thee for the next two
months then get into a vinegar vat,
and undergoa a thorough picking, and
by the fourth of March next thou may
est become a decent citizen.
Hallol you rollicking, hiccoughing,
stupid and spewing spalpeen of q
drunkard; lie down in that gutter, and
hear patiently our fervid virulence.-
What, in the name of decency and
manhood, are you about in putting
that Belzebub compound of alchohol,
aquafortis and alum into your alimen-
'tary stew.pan9 Here, take this it is
one of your emetics. Swallow it
down and vomit it up, and then let US
swab you out with wormwood tea and
some of our "Capsicum Catsup."-
We know what's good for you.--
Hand over your money, and settle
your muddled brains (f you have any
lefD to work on its pages, and 60 any.
where that we send you-Blackwell's
Island, if we say so; but 60 at once and
have our prohibitory law enforced at
the point of-The Scalpel. Give up
the liquor, or give your carcass fol
dissection.
You take snuff, do you9 Well, il
your nose is of no more worth than tc
make dust hole of, let's make youl
mouth garbage barrell Here, open
it, and let us put there withered Gu.
cumbcrs and rotten apples and Gao
bage in! Hold! there are some stink
ing scraps of scrofulous cow-beef, and
some cigar ends that have been twice
smoked and sucked. Stay! there's 9
few rotten onions, and the contenS off
spittoon from a grocery store, where
you go TO buy your dinner. Dom
be angry. Its just as nice as any 0
I your urinated, cadcremonted dried anC
ground snuff We shall have to pu
your nose under the bydrant unit
winter, and then begin to apply OF
and turpentine until spring.
My dear Miss Letitia: why do you
wear tight boots and high heels2 You
fascinating foot will be spoiled. The
I pressure will make the toes SWELL
You will have most agonizing pains
from corns, and swelling from bunions
The beauty of your foot will be lost,
the springiDg gracefulness of your
tread will be gone; the legs will besore
and painful, and you cannot dance the
fascinating scottishe; you will have to
shuttle and amble like aspavined nag,
and perhaps your ankles may give out,
and you be lame for life.
You can cultivate and improve
your natural possessions and gifts ol
body and mind, but you cannot change
them for the better. Your loot is just
the right size. Take care oft, wash
it, rub it, keep it clean and warm, ,and
cultivate every toe and joint,and make
it an elegant and reliable carriage fol
the body. If you put it into bonds
and Imprisonment, expect an ugly and
troublesome enemy. A compressed
foot is one of the most awful OF both,
erations. Pray you, avoid it! .,
o madam! tell you it is thor.
oughly outrageousl was speaking
to you, Lady Veronica Perfect! Well,
sir, pray what is thoroughly out
rageous9" Your dress, my lady
And pray what is my dress to you!-
An abominaton, madam. And your
Scalpel, to me, is an impertiEent bore
l shall dress as please, sir. wish
you would, madam. At present you
dress to please that vulgar mob o
fools, ,,called "The Fashion" You whC
have such good taste and cultivated
understanding, to putyArself in thu
shape of aparachute, and be hoopeC
mp like o hogshead of sugar, with
tackling enough about You for a pack
ct ship! You ought to be ashamed 0
. it! With a shell on your head, and 6
dry goods store about your heels
Are not you a foolish woman tU make
yourselfa slave to the dry goods sell
er and dress makerl You'll find the
crystal palace alone soon + Why
you'd positively have to undress in the
entry, if you came to see us, for you
could mt get into the doorway of an
ordinary parlor as you are. What
will become ofyou at the equinox
Alady, being in want of d dyer,
was referred to an excellent workman
and something of wag in his line.--