The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1856-04-30
BIRTH OF AN AMERICAN PRINCE

, 1 L TOSl CHsUCc " CftC OC|SHSOFCtC ~ "
ObSerged on the Birth Of q Child Il
Mr.. Diggs, one Of the Souereigts q
America.
, When Mrs. Diggs begins to feel that
the long expected time has at length ar
rived, she will wake Diggs from th'
sound sleep he will be enjoying, and on
his asking, "What is the matter ?" kt
will be informed by Mrs. Diggs. A;
soon as Diggs can hastily get on his pan
falcons, boots, and coat, he shall take
the orders of Mrs -Diggs and go ittftrne-
diately for the Nurse, the Grand Mis-
tress of Digg's household; as soon as she
steps her foot within his door, and after
escorting the Grand Mistress to the said
door, he shall inform the family phvsi-
clan, who shall Immediately repair to
the Diggs Castle. Diggs shall also con-
yey the information of what is transpir-
ing to all who hold rank in his household.
His mother in law-she shall appear in
/ whatever clothes she can ind handy, the
/ state of her nerves, on learning the facts,
being in such a condition as to prevent
an elaborate toilet. On arriving at the
Diggs Castle, she shall exclaim, "Ah!
my poor, dear Emily" aud look at
Diggs as if she thought him the worst of
criminals. Diggs, onreeeiving this look
in silence, shall cause the head cook and
the Maid of the chambers to be
called, and be in waiting in an ante-room
for whatever orders the Grand Mistress
of the household may send him. Diggs
is expected faithfully to execute all
these orders in not less than ten minutes,
and when they are accomplished, Diggs
is at liberty to return to his private
apartments, and there await further or
ders from the Grand Mistress of the
Household. In the meanwhile his net-
vous system may require little weak
toddy, and in the intervals of propping
his nerves, Diggs shall frequently declare
that he wishes the thing was all over.
In the chamber of Mrs DIggs there
shall only be the physician, the Grand
Mistress of the Household and the
mother-in-law The latter distinguished
parsonage, before many days, will make
an effort to out-rank the Grand Mistress
of the Household, and in the tftts which.
ensue consequent upon this effort, Diggs
is expected to take both sides and carry
water on both shoulders. The cock shall
retire to the kitchen, stir up her fire, and
hold herself ready for any service need
ed. The Maid of the Bed-chambers
shall assemble herself anywhere within
calling distance from the door of Mrs.
Digg's apartment, and when the Grand
Mistress of the Household gives her or
ders and tells her not to be all day about
it, she shall obey them.
At the moment at which the last pains
shall be felt, Diggs shall be informed
that it is nearly all over. Diggs will put
more questions than can be answered,
and he will be told to wait little while
longer, that his dear Emily is bearing
up wonderfully, and frequently calls up
on her dear Tommy. Thomas Diggs
shall sigh, and wish it was all over
again.
In the morning, when the room is put
to rights, Diggs shall be called to Mrs
Digg's apartments, and the child shall
be presented to him by the Grand Mis-
tress of the Household, and Diggs shall
examine it first with profound astonish
ment, and then assuming more joyial
air shall touch its little cheek and call
it " the dear weeny, beeny, little thing ~
Diggs shall then kiss his dear Emily
about one dozen times, and express much
sympathy for her sufcrings. Mrs. Diggs
will then give him distinctly to UNDER
stand that that child is the last, and
that men have no idea of the suferings
of poor woman. The child's name having
been long fixed, Diggs shall then proceed
to the parlor, and taking down the fami-
ly Bible shall make minute (proces
rer6aE of the birth of the child, in ac-
cordance with the lopg established
usages of the American ee*ercigns.
Soon after daylight, the aunts, the
cousins, and all the relations that are
recognized by the family, including all
the relations of the mother-in-law, shall
call at the house, and be informed of all
the particulars by the mother-in-law.
The cook ard Maid of the Bed chambers
will convey it to the cook and maid of
the bed chambers of the second yard, so
that every family in the block shall re-
ceive intelligence of the joyful event by
breakfast time.
Diggs will then take his breakfast |
without grumbling about the cookery,
and proceed to his place of business.
By his manner Diggs will indicate to
his fellow-soyereigns whether the child
is boy or girl. If it is a boy, Diggs
will be unusually lively-he will walk
with a spring-his face will be covered
with smiles-hc will, in fact, make every
one he meets exclaim, there goes hap
py dog" If it is girl, he will feel
happy and look happy, but his happiness
will be subdued, quiet and calm When
he arrives at his place of business, he
will there proclaim the great event, and
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