The Carolina Spartan. [volume] (Spartanburg, S.C.) 1852-1896, 1856-12-25
MY OWN FUNERAL.
A PHYSIOLOGICAL PHENOMENON.

L
all its brilliant hollowness; and yet what
do knowl Is there more real honesty
beside the plough or in the vineyards
Well, no matter-man is man all the
world over; but it was not at Munich that
| first leant all the treachery of which man
is capable. It was there that passed some
Of my happiest hours, and there too that
died"
"Died!" exclaimed, doubtful whether l
heard Alright.
"Yes, died." replied the old gentleman,
in calm, matter.of fact tone, so that when
| bad opened my eyes to the full extent al.
lowed by the School o-Design to depict the
passion OF wonderment, and had asked my
self two or three times whether he could
| possibly mean that he had dyed his whis
kers there, or had really talked himself into
such an autobiographical state, that he
thought it necessary to bring the narrative
down to his own decease, came TO the
fconclusion that my old friend was doting.
Il suppose you speak metaphoricallyl" l
suggested
Not a bit c. it. can understand that
| you should be surprised when say that
died. But it is fact, literal, positive, and
| unqualified, at least; but, not to spoil a
good story, suppose | begin at the begin
ming"
Now is it not pleasant TO hear an old
man talk of his youtha Is it not good for
us who are entering on life, TO learn from
one who is leaving III With enc foot in
the grave, how calm is the far riew he can
take Of the days of his strength. with all its
| self satisfaction. its wo.ldliness and disap.
pontmen,s. How. complete is his expert
ence-how valuable the lesson long since
drawn and followed, now recalled and
preached.
So then listened:
Ii is forty years since | went to Munich.
| was anache 10 the embassy of that dear
Lord E, the most populsr. because tile
most amiable and liveliest, minister that
bavaria has, perhaps, ever known. Ihad
been turned out iuto this post from Oxford,
| at one and-twenty, and hadnot so much as
seen single London season. My fathers
seat, Eton, and the University, was all
knew Of life, aud how little is thatl can
say now, without vanity, that | was hand
some and distinguished. Besides this,
WIS very ardent and rather romantic, and
had not been three months in Munich be-
fore | was in love, yes, desperately in love,
with Ida Won Frankenstein, young coun-
tess will, a large fortune, and Justly the
queen of beauty in the Bavarian capital.
Ida was not vain, but she was tlirt, and
therefore, 10y common rule Of the heart,
when she learnt from my silent devotion that
my attachment WAS no mere admiration, OF
which she had 80 much, and more than
enough, in the bal rooms of the gay capi.
Ia, she conceived for ma a deep passionate
affection. But Ida, being fiirt; never
showed it. BY no act, word, or look could
| ever discover that she gave to me Que
thought more than TO the most insignificant
OF The numberless young fats whe laughed
and danced and flirted with her. She was
queen in every respect, and she WAS de.
termined that should offer my homage
submssively. Besides this, she was very
clever aud full of brilliant, satirical wit,
which sometimes wounded, though | am
certain that her heart was too generous and
good to hurt anothers willingly. Like all
monarchs, she felt herself privileged, and
believed that it was as easy for her to heal
with mere smile, as to wound with mere
word.
say | never guessed that she cared the
least for me; but had been more than the
simple boy was, might have discovered
it, for by series of arIiices she contrived
TO draw me on first into deeper passion,
next into jealousy. To do this without re-
pnlsing me entirely, to excite my fears with
out destroying my hopes, she selected n
young officer, of whom certainly had little
cause TO be jealous; for, though rather hand
some, and very fashionable. he was so in.
tenseIy vain, and so tiresomely heavy, that
often she had delighted me with her G. eve r
mImlcry OF his absurdities. And yet ,oas
Jealous, even to hopelessness- but then was
| not jealous of the very rose she held in
her fair handl
Il was terrible winter at Munich, where
every winter is frightfully severe and | was
not strong. was beginning to suffer from
the intense cold, aud Ida's conduct brought
suffering of another kind / was growing
rapidly i'll. | lost my buoyant spirits Of
yore, which the novelty Of this brilliant life
OF the carnival season had brought out and
eaied beyond natures bounds. NV love
had taken firm grip Of me. | had beu
that ono idea-that one face only haunted
me by day aud night. | never slept. /
was never calm for ten minutes. Nv morn
ing walks were all taken in that quarter
where knew-for love knows SO much by
instlnct--that she would be. My evenings
were devoted TO meeting her, whether at
Dali, soiree, or common reception. Ii is
true that she always kept place for me by
her side; that while the heavy Stockenheim
was occupied with celebrating some stupid
compliment on the other si1e, she would
turn to me with some flow of wit, which
tie officer strove to catch, and when caught,
passed ten minutes in attempting to under.
stand. IL IS true that / saw and knew all
TINS, and yet | was jealous-alI the moro
50 because | adopted the worlds narrow
reasoning. and said to myself, This very
conduct is proof Of her indifference. II