Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1856-02-02
Dummous skettb,
Mr.. Crane Walks Out.

wnom she had set her cap" and who was !
extremely polite to her because he had Sc
cret fancy for her daughter Melissa. Mr.. &. +!
asks private interview with the widow, when
the following scene ensues:
"Oh, no, Mr.. Crane. by no manner o.
means, tain't minnt tew soon for you o be-
gin TO talk about gettin' married again am
amazed you should be areerd I'd think So
See---how longs Miss Crane been dead ? Six
months ?--land O. Goshen l-why. I've knowed
number of individdiwals get married in less
time than that. There's Phil BENEFITS wild
der Z was talkin' about Jest now--sha t
was LOUSY Perce-her husban' hadn't been
dead but three months, you know. don't
think it looks well for roman to be in such a
hurry-but for man it's different thing
circumstances alters cases. you know. And
then. sittiwated as you be. Mr.. Crane. It's a
terrible thing for your family TO be without
head TO superintend the domestic consarns
and tend to the children--to say nothn O.
yerself, Mr.. Crane. You dew need COM
pnnion, aud no mistake. Six months Good
rrievious WHY, Squire Titus didn't wait
but sir peets arter he buried bis fnst wife,
afore he married his second. / thought ther
want no particular need o. his hurryin' so.
seein' his family was all growcd up. Such
criter as he pckt out. tew ! il was very on
Enitablc--but every man TO his taste-1 hain't
no dispersiton to meddle with nohody,s con-
sarns There's old Farmer Dawson. few
his pardner haint been dead but ten months
To he sure he aint married yet---but he would
n been long enough ago if somebody know
on d gin him any incurrdgment. But faint
for ME to speak of that matter. He's Gle
yer old critler; and rs rich as Jew-but--
lawful sakas he is old enough TO be my
father. And there's Mr.. Smith-Jubiter
C,,;,b l.,o,, HIN, Mn H,,na b;e u,;r,
(she twas Aurory Pikc) she died last sum
ner, and he's been squintcn round among
the winmin ever since, and he may squint
for all the good it'll do him as far rs ! am
consarned-though Mr.. Smiths respectable
man---qute young. and haint no lamily-very
well of tew, and quite intellectibe-bu /
tell yer what, I'm purity periickl,r. Q. Mr..
Crane it's ten year come Jinniwary since
witnessed the expiration of my beloved CON-
panion an uncommon long time to wait, to
be sure, but faint easy TO find anybody to fill
the place Of Hezekicr Bedott / think
you're the most likely husband Of any individ-
dwal ever see, Mr.. Crane. Six months.
murderation! Gurus you shond be afrarod
j think twas tew soon-why I've knowd-'
Mr.. Crane.--"Wel, wdder, I've been
thinkn' about t.kin another companion, and
thought I'd ask you---"
motion. its SO unexpected Just hand me
that are bottle O. caufre off the mantelry
shelf, I'm ruther fant-dew put u little mite
on my handkerchief and hold it 10 my nuz.
There. that'll dew, I'm obleeged tcw We, now
I'm ruther more composed, you may proceed,
Mr. Crane"
Mr. C.--"Well. widder, was agoing to
ask you whether-whether--
Widow" Continuer. Mr.. Crane. dew
know it's turrible cmbarrassn / remember
when my deceased husband made his suppo.
sitions to me, he stammered and suffered
and was so awfully hustcred it did seem as if
he'd never git it out in the world. and s'pose
it's generally the case, at least it has been
with all them that's made suppositions to me
-you see they are generally uncertain about
what kind OF an anser they're agwinc to git
and it kind o makes them narvus. But when
nm indivlddwal has reason to s'pose his at
tachment's reciperated, | don't see what
need there is o his ben frustrated, tho ]
must say its quite embarrassin' to me--pray
eontinner."
Mr.. C.-"Well, then. / want to know il
you're willing ! should have Melissy!'
Widow.-"lhe dragon!" ....
Mr.. C.-"l haint said anything TO hel
about it yet-thought the proper way was tc
get your consent first. | remember when
conrted Tyrphenny we were engaged some
time before Mother Kenipe knew anything
about it, and when she found it out she was
duite put out because didn't 90 10 her first
SO when | made up my mind about Melssy
thinks me, I'll dew it right this time, aud
speak to the old woman first"
Widow--"Oid romaa, hey that's a purt,
name to call me .-amazin' perlite tew
Want Melissy, hey? Tribbleation graciou:
sakes alive well, I'll give it up now al
ways knowd you was simpleton, Tim Crane
but must confess ] didn't think you was
quite so big IA fool--want Melissy, dew We
If that don't beat all What an everlasting
old calf you must be, to spose she'd look al
you! Why. you're old enough TO be her ia
ther, and more tew-Melissy aint only in hel
twen:y.onth year What a reedickilous idee
for man o your age! as gray as rat tew
wonder what this world is a comm tew ii,
astoniShin' what fools old widdwers make O
themselves Have Melissy Melissy !"
Mr.. C.-"Why, widder, you surprise me
I'd no idee Of being treated in this way. afteI
you'd been so polite TO ME, and made such ;
fuss over me and the girls"
Widow.--"Shet yer head, Tim Crane-nur
o. yer sass to me. There's yer hat on tha
are table, and here's the door-aad the soone
you put on the one ard march ont o. tother
the better It'll be FOR you. And advise sol
niore yon try to git married agin. to 90 or
west and see U yer wife's cold and arter YER
satisfied on that pint, just put little lamp
black on yer hair-'t would add to yer np
pearance undoubtedly. and be of sarvice teJ
yon when you want to Gourish among tn
gals-and when ye've get yer hair fx, jes
splinter the spine Of yer back--'t wouldn'
hurt yer looks T. m!te-youd he intrely unre
s!stable if yon was ieetie grain straghter."
Mr.. C.-"Well l never!"
Widow. -"iold yer tongue, you consarnr
old coot you'll tell ye there's yer hat an
here's the door-be OFF with yerself, quic
metre. or III give yc hyst with the broom
stick"
Mr.. C.-"Gimmeni!
Widow. rising-"Git out, say-I ain
agwiAe 10 stan here and be insulted unde
my own rutland so. git along. and it ever J
darken my door agin, or say word to Me!;s
sy' it'll he the wuss for you--that's ALL"
Mr.. C.-"Treemenious What buster
Widow.-"Go 'long-go long-go long
you everlastin' old gum. ! won't hear anothe
word--(stops her cars)--I won't ] won't,
wont."--Exit Mr.. Crane.