davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04
aas Capital Answers.

A professor of universal knowledge
had put up his sign near the palace of an
Oriental prince. who suddenly came in
upon the pretender, and put his wisdom
to test.
So thou knowest all things" said the
king "then tell to- morrow morning these
three things only ;-or thou shalt loose
thy head. First. how many baskets OF
earth there are in yonder mountain p
Secondly, how is the king worth ? And,
zAirelIy. what is the king thinking of at
the time.' fa
The professor was distressed beyond
measure, in his apartments rolled upon
the carpet in agony, for he knew that he
must die on the morrow. His servant
learned the trouble. and offered to appear
before the king and take his chance of
answering the questions. The next morn
ing, the servant clothed in his masters
robes, overwhelmingly TO his majesty.
who was deceived by his appearance, and
the king proceeded;
"Tell me. how many baskets OF earth
are in yonder mountain %
That depends upon circumstances
If the baskets are as large as the noun.
tain, one will hold it; if half rs large,
two if a quarter four and so on"
The king had TO be satisfied. and pro-
ceeded:
"Now. tell me how much the king is
worth ?"
"Well, your majesty, the King Of Hea
ven and Earth was; sold for thirty pieces
of silver. and conclude you are worth
one piece"
This was SO witty an escape, that the
king laughed and went on
NOW, once more,-tell me what
am thinking Of ?'
"You are now thinking that you are
talking with the professor, whereas it is
only his servant"
j." Well DONE" said the king. "you shall
have your reward, and your master shall
not lose his head"
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04
ER m s

Cooper's Clarksburg Register Is published in
Clarksburg, Va, every Friday morning, at
&2.0o per annum, in advance, or at the piration
of SIX MONTHS from the time of subscribing; after
which $3.50 will invariably be charged.
No subscription will be received for less Pc
-riod than six months.
No paper win be discontinued except at the OPP
tion of the proprietor, until all arrearages arc
paid up-and those who do not order their paper
TO DO discontinued at the end of thcir torn of
subscription, will be considered as desiring to
b. We it continued.
ADVERTISEMENTS will be inserted at S1.Oo per
square OF twelve lines for the first three inser-
tions, and twenty-five cents for each subsequent
insertion.
liberal deduction on the above rates will be
InadO to those who advertise by the year.
No advertisement counted less than q square.
The number 0finsertions must be specified, or
the advertisement will be continued aud charged
accordingly.
Announcement of candidates for Office 5000,
Marriages and Deaths inserted gratis.
AL communications, TO insure attention, must
be accompanied by the authors name andpost-
paid.
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

and laughter, were all novelties and
charming for while, but Icknew no one,
and after an hours looking on. hunted up
my friend. the Senator and begged him
tointroduce me to some of the young la
dies. He hesitated moment aud then
consented, and was led up and presen-
ted to magnificent creature had long
Hooked upon with silent admiration. Miss
W was seated in an easy, nonchalant
manner. conyersing with number of
gentlemen, and favored me with graz
cious nod. As stood wondering whe-
ther this was to be the end of my intro.
duction, moustached dandy came be-
tween us and said-s.Miss W permit
me to relate the joke of the season" To
my horror he began the story of the cloak.
My first impulse waste knock him down,
my second to run away; on my third /
acted. Interrupting the exquisite, / said
-" Begging your pardon. Sir, but Miss
W [ am the only person who can do
justice to that joke"-and continuing, l
related it without in any way sparing my
self. She laughed heartily, as did the
circle, and rising FROM her chair, took up
my arm saying kindly that l must be
cared for, or l, should murder some one.
With grace and kindness shall never
forget she placed me at ease.
1 conyalesced rapidly. even grew
amusing. and we danced and promena-
ded. When supper was announced. l
was her escort. hastened to supply
my belle with refreshments. She wished
an ice cream and attacked pyramid.
With broad silver knife cut away va.
lorously. The frozen substance gave
slowly at first then, while my entire
strength was exerted. gave way sudden
ly. was not prepared for this. and. to
my horror. about pound of that refresh
ing substance flew past Miss W and
hit an aged lady full in the eye. Now,
ice-cream used as lotion is not pleasant.
especially when applied with the unex-
pected force of bombshell. The elderly
female gave fearful scream and falling
back. upset a table on which stood bowl
of stewed oysters. Before this aged guest
could be fshed out Of the frightful wreck,
and while the crash and screams were
ringing in my ears. / fed the city. It
was my first and last appearance at a
birthnight ball.
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

CUTTING IT THICK.-The Yankecs-we
mean the real Connecticut thorough breds
they who make sausage from red llan-
mel and turnips chopped tine. have always
been considered the "cuteSt" people on
earth that in trade or genteel irrepar-
able swindle-haVe always been looked
upon as having the capacity to distance
anything. But German who used to re-
side in one Of our county towns number
of years ago. is ahead of them all. On
one occasion he came into Buffalo with
hams to sell. and among the rest. sold a
dozen or two. to we'll to do tavern keeper,
also German. The quality Of the hams
was also represented as excellent. This
old German in demonstrating the acute
ncsss ofhis countrymen over the Yankees,
told the story in this wise You may talk
apout your tam Yankees scheeting. but a
Durchman scheeting me so much peter as
Yankee never vos. He prings me some
hams-dey vass canvass nice, so peter as
you never see. py one two dozen--al
so nice-and if you pelieve-the scheaI
was SO magnificent, dat l eat six, seven
eight Of dem tam hams before found out
that they vos made of wood"
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04
CHE mARsE1LLEs HYMN.

The following is the best English TRANSLATE
extant of the celebrated Marseilles Hymn:
Rise! sons of France, with ardor glowing,
The day of glory has appear'd
Do you not sec the banner flowing,
By tyranny against us rear'd2
Do you hear the shouts of slaughter
YelId forth by the ferocious race,
Who come to stab in your embrace,
The friend, the wifc, the son, the daughters
To arms, my countrymenl
In battles firm array,
March on to pour their blood impure
To arms to arms away!
What projects arc those legends sharing,
With traitors, slaves combined?
Those chains that they have been preparing
So long, for whom are they designed?
Yc sons ofFrance for you perditionl
What fury should within you burn
IT'S you, tits you, they bid return,
To grovel in u slaves submission
To arms, my countrymcn
Good God and shall the hireling stranger
Profane our dear domestic hearth
And are our proudest chiefs in danger
OF being spurncd by slaves to earth!
Beneath the weight of fettcrs bonding,
Shall VIC our oppressor's beck,
In homage bow the knee and mock,
On then, as on our gods depending!
To arms, my countrymen!
Trcmble ye tyrants-traitors trcmble,
By even those yo serve abhorr'd!
Ye parricidcs behold assemble
Tho tcrrors ofyour just reward
An start to be delivered from you
And If our youthful heroes fall,
France from her womb shall others call,
Like Pallas arm'd to overcome you!
10 arms, my cOuntrymen!
Yc sons Of France While bravely giving
Tho blow, us nobly to forbcHr;
Those miserable victims driven
Unwilling against us spare;
But let your grasp "f vengeance smother
The Pnrricide's nccurSt array,
Those monsters, who like beasts of prey,
Would rcnd the bosom Of their mother
TO arms, my countrymcn
Spirit that in the patriot shincst
We claim thee for our shield and guido!
And then, on Liberty, divinest!
Come, battle nt thy champions side
Victory shall DER our banners hover,
When sunnon'd III thy manly tone,
Come, see our triumph, and thine own,
Thy fallen foes eXulting over
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

Born CHEEKs.-The passage of the
New Testament wherein it is recommend
ed that If thy adversary smite thee upon
one cheek, turn unto him the other also.
was expounded by Joe Smith the Mormon
founder. to mean just this: "a man
may strike you at first under a mistake,
or without Intending any harm, and
you ought not to strike back Immediately
but turn the other cheek. and give him
the opportunity to explain, or il he is 10
earnest to repeat the offence. However,
you need not turn third time, but if a
man strikes you twice. then pitch into him
like a thousand Of brick"
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

A MODEL DONATION PARTY "Way
down in the pine forest OF Michigan -
writes a friendly "Squib" they had do
nation party some four weeks since, and
by way of inducement for "Young Amer
ica." to "patronize them," notice was
given that there would be ball, the pro-
ceeds to be applied toward the "suPport t
Of the Gospel" Alter tea the "elect" ac-
companied by the worthy minister, be-
took themselves to another house while
the 6ddles. having been tuned up TO
"muley saw" pitch, led the young folks
to merry dance. which continued Till the
female portion were obliged to have re.
course to "tired natures sweet restorer
whereat beds being rather scarce. aud the
proceeds Of the evening being rather
smaller than was anticipated, a number
of the "masculncs" wound up playing
pcker until breakfast-time the proceeds
to be applied, after deducting az current
expenses" principally consisting Of whis-
key and dough nuts to " benefit Of cler-
gy." Otempora ! o Mores "' So say
aCe if the story be verituble, as" Squib''
assures US it is. in every particular. A
bad precedent. which it is to be hoped
may not again be followed anywhere else,
then " Way down in the forest Of Michi-
gan" Such things cannot come to good
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

A STEADY DIEr.-An old lady down
East having kept hired man on liver for
nearly a month. said to him one day:
:. why, John, l don't think you like
"oh yes" said Johu. al like it very
wen Tor fifty or sixty meals. but 1 don't
tnlnk I'd like it as steady Diet
The old lady cooked something else for
= he next meal.
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

Ew Mother" said little boy few
days since, " don't think Mr.. T.'s folks
are very poor"
Why. my son %
"Because they keep cat !"
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

~" Sonny. where is your shirt ?"
" Gettin' washed
{" Have you only one %
+" Only one ! Do you want boy to
have a thousand shirts 2"
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

E =" Root, hog, or diess IS now rem
dered as follows:
Penetrate the subscii, my procine
friend, or early expect an obituary on thy
unsimely demise"
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

First Adventures in Washington So
ciety.
A correspondent of the Tribune relates
the following as coming from the lips of
a youth, who, under the care Of friend
ly Senator, attempts. as a first essay in
fashionable life, birth night ball, given
at Washington by Monsieur Bodisco, the
Russian minister:
AS we entered the house, two tall speci-
mems of humanity, dressed very like mill
tia generals. met US at the door. Think
ing them distinguished people, boWed
low and solemnly. They started and
bowed. The scene was impressive. $50
on" said my companion, the Senator
above mentioned, /" don't be salaaming
to these fellows T: they are servants; give
them your cloak" The information was
useful but unpleasant. hurried on,
pulling off my cloak as went. Just
within the first door of the drawing room
stood a tat. little oily gentleman bowing
also, but not so magni6cenily gotten up
as my first acquaintanees. Certain of ms
game now. 1, in the most superb style
threw over him my cloak and hurried on
Senator -- pulled me back and to the
astonished little fellow. now struggling
from under my broadcloth. I was pre-
sented. nearly smothered the Russian
Minister. who. however. laughed merrilJ
at the mistake.
Ny endorser. The brave Senator. be
came evidently alarmed He hardly
knew what would accomplish next ami
Jeff me. soon as he possibly could. to m,
fate. wandered about rather disconso
late. The lights, music, dancing. fun
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

~ Scene in the street-obliging Celt
to Swell who has dropped valuable
breast pin" Is it clint yer looking af,
ther, sir-r-r ?''
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

Ey Ohio marriages are now called
sslinited partnerships, in CONSEQUENCES of
tie pliancy Of tie Buckeye divorce bill
Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-07-04

I'm take your part" as the dog
said when he robbed the cat of her din
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18
.,-lo,.
The CoIIectorsElip.

Rumors have been flying round the past day OF
two thicker than blackbcries in season. that Collector
Porter was to be displaced by the Administration.
Indeed, it is well understood that the office has been
rendered to distinguished member Of the Board Of
Assistant Aldermen, who also holds prominent po
stion in the mercantile community. 1t is doubtful
whether he will acceptit Or not, far as we have
been able to learn. Should he conclude to accent.
the port will enjoy, in our humble opinion, the SER
vices of an excellent and efficient officer
We are at q loss to imagine what sin Col. Porter
canhave committed to have caused his veteran head
to be brought to the gullotine. If he isn't strong
Democrat, we should like to see one just by way of
curiosity: His loyalty to his party cannot be ques-
toned And he has kicked all real or suspected
" Know-Nothings those diabolical wretches- from
the Custom-House, besides carrying out the behests
of the party on every OCCASION Verify, there is
something in the wind. Verify, somebody must be
"disgruntled. Verify, there may be an interesting
correspondence which has noty yet seen the light q Ia
Cushing, Pierce and Attorney General Noise which
created so much excitement eight Or ten months
since. And verify, the probabilities are that we shall
see what what we shall see, if we live long enough
and don't go blind.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18

DENTAL SCIENCE AND DIscoyERY.-The science of
dentstryln the broad sense and full confluence of
that worlds, perhaps as serViceabe in alternating
and removing pain; III producing and perfecting
personal comeness in creating pleasure and graft
cation where pain and suffering before ruled as any
that can be named. Good and faithful operations
upon the teeth now command very high prices,
everywhere, and the income of those who are profess
sors of the art equal if they do not excel those of
the medical practitioners. 1t has long been beside
ratim with the profession to discover some means by
which those in moderate circumstances might avail
themselves of the best operators and the best mate
rails without paying prices beyond their ability that
the science might be easily enjoyed by the poor as
the rich. The time Of many of the most celebrated
and skful artists has been so exclusively monopo
LIKED by the wealthy patrons that the poorer class
were compelled to submit to the operations of those
without long experience and sometimes to those who
were no better than dental quacks
There is nothing against the best prices being asked
in remuneration for what demands so much labor, so
much care, study and experience as able dentistry
| but it is evidently great desideratum that will
enable the same ability to cover o broader field of
usefulness especially if this ability can be afforded
at reduced prices The introduction Of gutta percha
into the dental laboratory is believed to have accom-
plished this desirable result, III that department which
has to do with the insertion of artificial teeth.
We have examined several specimens of artificial
teeth, mounted on a gutta perclla base, with cor
tnuous gums that are as beautiful as any ever seem
and said to be as easy and as durable. We were
informed by Dr. Slayton the inventor of the material
that they be made at half the cost of the metallic
plates, in point of the original expense and also, the
labor of manufacture The guta percha is pleasanter
/ to the gum than metal; is a pure, tasteless and
unchangng substance, and will out last generation
of men, when properly prepared. These are high
recommendations and most desirable qualities they
are so high and so useful that all who have opera
| lions to be performed should examine into them
The attention of dentists is particularly directed
the card of Or. Slayton, on this subject, which may
| be seen in another column.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18

;#. ATR ri FEsPoRT.- AT the St. Charles Theater a
bill presented as an indictment for the
Ais DaYen ports benefit. After what
We we deem it u1nee essaryto
add Elementary words Of praise simply stat
Who do,rot attend will deprive them
opportunity such rs srarely enjoyed for
good plays, WelIrendered. Mr.J. E. MUIR
appears on this occasion. The play by Bulwer,
lady Lyons, is 10 be given will Mr. Davenport
and 5irs. ladstane in the leading parts. The fine
dramatic composition called the "Dramatist, written
Of the oldmasters ofsuch writing, concludes the
entertainment. Mr.. Murdoch is announced to play
tie partof Pupil, with Nj. Pope as Floririle. What
more could be asked
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18

DEFENCEs OF New York HARBon.-By direction
OF the National Government the work of strengthen
ing New York harbor has been going on for several
months past, principally by substituting gurs of a
very long range and large cabre for those previously
IN use. These new guns are manufactured at West
Point and distributed to the various military works
in the neighborhood of New York as fast they are
ready. As regards the material of war, the journal
says that there is always large amount of it accu-
mulated in the repositories near that city, and an.
other paper says that at present the store is unusually
great. The existing works have been much strength!
ened, and are kept in high state of efficiency and
additional defences are proposed to be constructed
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18
/ LEG j L.1 ca Piled TO THE CRESCENT. :.
FROM wAsHTN GToN.
~, ~, by THE SOUTHERN AND NATIONAL LINES

n vi $s3S4t .s& & ii 5--------F r5 tss;z
$PEILApELrHIA, March l7.-Sixteen bodies of the
victims Of the late righfu disaster on the Delaware
rvershaye5 been found. Twenty or thirty are still
missing. -ss -..zs-,..
WASHINGTON, March Stnate.--Doug intro
dueeda bill to-day authorizing the people of Kansas
Territory to organize State Government when they
may attain the requisite population. IS
~ Markets. IS
at previous quotations. ga y
Floufis dropping Ohio is quoted at 81 s71
Louisiana Legislature d,
BATON ROUGE March IN othng of Importance
in the Senate to-day Ere
Rouse.---The whole day has been occupied with the
Registry Bill with no result. The opposition seem
determined to resist it by every means in their power
Up to three o'clock, P NJ, the first section couldnot
be read, in consequence of motions to adjourn, res
consider, etc, which the yeas and nays were always
called for. g& a @5r.
4 recess has taken place until five o'clock, P. M
Appointments by the Governor,
BATON ROUGE, March 1.-THE Governor has made
the following appointments, by and with the advice
and consent of the Senate s9ss " x s
Inspectors Of EYeights.-First District, John Hen
derson Second District, L. T. Meyers Third Dis
triet, J. a. Belanger Fourth District, Christian
Matthews. as. ,-.. =e.
Pierre Laeoste Recorder Births and Deaths for the
Parish Of Orleans. ,
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18

& MFR. THAcKERAY's LEcrURE,-The lecture Of Mr..
sThackeray, az the Odd Fellows Hail. last evening,
was very well attended. though not 50 largely its
predecessors. The subject Charity and Humor-
very ably treated and largely illustrated intro
dnong some heterodoy views from those formerly es-
tablished but well and ably sustained The pressure
upon our columns this morning prevents our giving
such outline as We had prepared of it. nasmucl,
however, as q good discourse, like good wine, will
bear keeping, we may give it some time hereafter.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18

--latest Spring Fashions.
hD~:E- 500 A- va HIN ~ aaE GD.
Nos. IL and Ia Charities street,
Have the pleasure Of informing the Ladies that they will open
to-day complete and entirely stock of SPRING GOODS
comprising in part
S I L X S
or all qualities color and descriptions such as Plnd Strped
Chine Jaspe and Plain Taetas Cros de Naples Fouars
Black do, Plain Figured Striped and Plaid Rich Black
MORE ANTIQUE, for Dresses and MautilaB.
PRINTED SILK MUSEUMS
AND TISSUES
BAREGEs;
ORGAND1Es;
JACONETS
AND BRIiIIANTINEs,
in pieces and in Robes
E NJ B r 0 D E r les,
Comprising large Of Black Thread Lace Manla
Scarfs and Shawls; Point Alencon Point Aguie and Point
de Gaze Lace Coarsand Sleeves and everything connected
with the Embroidery Line.
M A n T. | L L 4 S.
choice selection of Embroidered SILK, Lace Applique aud
Muslin Talmas Manlas and Scarfs
MILLINERY.
Paris Spring Straw Hair and Bonnc;s for Ladies' and
Misses; Ribbons, Plumes, Flowers, etc.
All of which will be sold al the LOWEST CASH PRICE
milf 2p3t
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18
Removed J.! Eee1ae0ue<g

Reno eGg EeeRae0Ue<g
FROM NO. is TO Ia ROYAL STREET,
A supply Of CREME DE BOUZY CHAMPAGNE in ouarts
and pints, constantly hand which equal to the best that
to this market.
Also.
OTHER BRANDS OF INFERIOR QUALITY
SPARKLING and STILL HOOK MADEIRA and SHERRY
WINES.
B RIA N DIES:
sAzERC Of the Vintage of 1885, 1928 and 1906 and other
brands.
w HI ky:
D. OF all descfiptions-Scotch, Irish Rye and Bourbon
ALE and PORTER in pints and quarts
Also
On hand, my usual assortment best WINES md T.
QUORS in the MARKET which will be sold on as reasonable
terms any other house in the city. -
SEWELL 7. TAYLOR.
d1 Zpu No. II Royal street.
New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-03-18

Bs1sfsEs The week oInillenced yesterday under
decide e1nent from last though the
were not large, but The movements at
boat landings wereof the greatest
Our bulletin board for three days past, as
vel register, have Indicated the mag
niiaie Of the business now going Oh inthis city.
Our streets were crowded yesterday, though the
overcast and slight showers Of rainfell at
times IL any Of those eternal croakers happened
about the Postr0 Office yesterday morning 6, well
about Canal street would have not discovered
whence d Rsttgof animation and activity; in
they would have been compelled to close up and
look at the expected grass coming up through The
pavement. Yesterday was really day Of hustle anu
business relmnary, We believe, to large increased
operations Ia every department Of trade for the