The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1856-07-02
VARIETY.

sleep in the next street prevent waking himself up
shall be indebted to you for life, the man said
to his creditors when he ran away to Australia.
The First Man.-Aceording to she received chron
ology Adam lived to be $50 years of age
The longest day is now discovered to be the day
before your wedding.
''Bewarei'' said the potter to the clay, and 1t
became
Punch asks, whether properly and literally SPEAK
ing Longfeuow's publisher ought not to be Long
man ceases to be good fellow, the moment ne
refuses to do precisely what other people wish him
to do.
1t is good to know much, but better to make good
of what know.
A man who gives his children habits OF industry,
provides for them better than by giving them for
tune
Happiness is very easily procured. All that's re-
ouired is to spend one hour day in helping some
body.
Ii you wish sco1ing wife, never fah 10
laueh at her with all your might, until she ceases
then kiss her. Sure cure and no quack medicinel
Antitods to Strychnine-R. w. Pease, medical
practitioner of Syracuse, states that lard is com
plee antidote to strychnine.
Curiosity.-Among the curiosities lately added to
the Boston Museum is mosquitoes bladder contain
ing the souls of twenty-four misers, and the Tor
tunes of ffty-one printers-nearly half full
It is said grape-vines may be pruned without in1u
ry to the coming crop after they begin to bleed by
one who had 20 years experience with the plant.
An indignant poulterer vehementiy denounees MIR.
Cantelo's egg-hatching machine as "A piece OF most
detestable chickenerie.' Punch
Yankee has just invented suspender that con
tracts on your approach to water that the moment
YOU come to a puddle it lifts you over, and drops
you the opposite side
Old Short and Sharp.-''You had better ask Tor
manners than money said finely dressed gentle
man to a beggar who asked for aims asked for
what thought you had most of, was the cutting
reply of the medicant.
Stone Cemeut.-A cement of three parts fine coal
ashes one of red lead. three of sand and two OF
chalk by weight made into putty with OIL is ex-
cellent for filling up the exposed joints OF stones,
brick &c. 1t becomes hard as marble
What Many Forget.-Recently of the most
renowned French pulpit orators, the Abbey de Dag
uerry, observed in a Sermon Women nova days
forget astonishing amplitude of their dresses
that the gates of heaven very narrow
When old Zachariah Fox, the great merchant of
Liverpool was asked byS what means he had
contrived to realize large his reply was
Friend by article alone in which thou may st
deal too. if thou pleasest civility"
f.Cato, what do you spose do reason dat de sun
goes down toward the souf in de wnter?
Well 1 dunno, Sambo, unless he STAN de elem
ency of de norf. and he bged to go to de
souf where he speriences warmer longitude
He who goes bed in has the devil for his
bedfeIlow. A wag desires to say that he knows
married man, who, though he goes to bed meek and
gentle as a lamb is in the same predicament.
A sailor who had hired violin player to perform
him some airs. being asked what tune he pre-
ferred replied ..Nep tune you lubberI and SO does
every jolly tar
Astronomers say that if cannon ball were fired
from the Earth Saturn it would be $50 years
getting there. In that event. Professor John
Phoenix thinks the people of Saturn would have
ample time to dodge the shot.
Mrs Smithers says her husband was once the
greatest military in the country For two years
he was Lieutenant in the Horse Marines. after
which he was promoted to Captaincy in regular
company of sapheads and minors
Among the many remarkable objects in the patent
Office at Washington. and which evince what me-
chanicai skill do is an invention that picks up
nins from heap turns them all around with their
heads up and sticks them in papers in regular rows
.ah' said a miserly father his William,
hearty breakfasts kill half of the world. and
tremendous dinners the other half. y Il suppose,
retorted william THAT the livers only
those who die of hunger.
tWhere's Mrs. Muff''' asked acquaintance
with shawl around his shoulders. OF Mr.. Muf, who
was shivering over a dying fire. ''Gone out She
and 1 take turns She has the shawl today; to-
morrow II be my turn.
An old Whig counsels the survivors OF that party
not to be humbed the cry that their party has
been swallowed He says: 1.-The whale swallowed
Jonah Jonah was heard of afterwards whale
never!''
Little acts of kindness, gentle words, loving sm les
they srew the path of life with flowers, they make
the sun shine brighter and the green earth greener
and He who bade love one another looks with
favor upon the gentle and kind hearted and he pro-
nounced the meek blessed.
A laundering compositor, in setting up the toast,
'.Won,an-without her. would be a savage,
got the punctuation in the wrong place which made
it read Woman without her man., would he saw
age The mistake not discovered until the ed
-itor $ wife undertook read the proof.
Never marry man until you have seen him eat
Let the candidate for your hand pass through the
ordeal of eating soft boiled eggs. If he can do it and
leave the table spread the napkin and his shirt
spotted-take him Try him next with spare-rib. Ii
ne aecompIishes this feat without putting out OF
his own eyes or pitching the bones into your lap.
name the wedding day at once; he will do to tie to.