The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1856-07-02
HONOLULU, HAW Allan ISLANDS July 2 1856
VARIETY.


VARIETY.
MAN down East snores so loud that ne has to slee)
in the next street, to prevent waking himsefup.
shall be indebted to you for life, as the man sale
to his creditors when be ran away 10 Australia.
TnE FIRST aiN-Accortling to the received chron
! ology, Adam lived to be $50 years of age.
The longest day is now discovered to be the day be
fore your wedding.
Beware! said the potter to the clay, and it be
: came acare.
a Punch asks, whether properly and literally speak
ing, LoRg7ei5o1o's publisher ought not to be Long
man.
A man ceases to be a good fellow, the moment liz
refuses to do precisely what other people wish him
Go.
! 1t is good to know much, but better to make good
use of what we know.
Alnan who gives his children habits of industry.
provides for them better than by giving them for
tune.
Happiness is very. easily procured All that's re-
qured is to spend one hour day in helping some
body
If you wish to cure sooliing wife. never fail to
laugh at her with all your might, until she ceases
then iss her. Sure cure, and no quack medicine
ANT1ToDE TO Sz-TYcI1N1NE-R W. Pease, medical
practitioner OF Syracuse states that lard is complete
antidote to strychnine.
CURIosITY.-Anong the curosites lately added to
the Boston Museum is mosquitoes bladder, contain
ing the souls of twenty isers, and the fortunes
OF hfty-one printers-nearly half full.
1t is said grape-vines may be pruned without nju-
ry to the coming crop, after they begin to bleed by
who has had 20 years experience with the plant
An indignant poulterer vehemently denounces Mr.
Cantelos egg-hatching machine "a piece of most
detestable cttclenerie ''-Puach.
A Yankee has just invented a suspender thaa con-
tracts your approach to water, that the moment
you to puddle it lifts you over and drops YOU
on the opposite side.
OLD, SHORT AND SHARP.-You had better ask for
manners than money" said finely dressed gentle
man to beggar who asked for aims. I asked for
what thought you had mest Of, was the ctltting
sroNE CEMENr-A cement of three parts fine coal
ashes ofred lead, three of sand and two of chalk
by weight, made into putty with OIL is excellent for
filing up the exposed joints Of stones brick, &c. 1t
becomes as hard marble.
WHAr MANY FoRGEr-Recently one of the most
renowned French pulpit orators, the Abbey de Dag
uerrv Observed in q sermon, 'sWomen nowadays
forget in the astonishing amplitude of their dresses
that the gates of heaven are very narrow
WHEN old Zachariah Fox, the great merchant of
Liverpool was once asked by what means he had
contriyed to realize large fortune his reply was,
& Friend by article alone in which thou mayst
deal too, if thou pleasest-ct0itity.
Cato what do you spose am de reason dat de sun
goes down toward the souf in de winter?"
s<Well, dunno Sarnbo, unless he stan de Glenn
ency Of de nor and he bliged to SO to de souf
where he speriences warmer longitude =
He who goes to bed in anger, has the devil for his
bedfellow. A wag desires to say that he knows
married man, who though he goes to bed meek and
gentle as a lamb, is in the same predicament.
A sailor who had hired a violin player to perform
him some airs, ON being asked what tune he pre-
ferred, replied Nep tuae, you ubber and so does
every jolly tar
ASTRONOMERS say Sliat if o cannon-bal were fired
from the Earth TO Satura, it would be $50 years get
ting there In that event, Professor John Phoenix
thinks the people OF Saturn would have ample time
to dodge the shot.
| Mrs Srnithers says her husband was once the
greatest military in the country For two years
he was a Lieutenant In the Horse Marines, after
which he was promoted to Captaincy in regular
company of sapheads and minors.
Among the many remarkable objects in the patent
Office at Washington, and which .eylnce what me-
chanical skill do, is an invention that picks up
pins from heap, turns them all around with their
heads up, and sticks them in papers in regular rows.
&c Ah,'' said misery father to his son William,
e hearty breakfasts kill half of the world, and
/ tremendous dinners the other half'' g suppose,
retorted Williams sthat the true iyers only those
who die of hunger.
Where's Mrs. NIuff?,' asked an acquaintance
with shawl round his shoulders, of Mr.. Auff, who
was shiyering over a dying fire. So Gone out She
and [ take turns She has the shawl today; to-
morrow IL be my turn. "
An old Whig, counsels the survivors of that party
to be humbled over the cry that their party has
/ been swallowed. He says ss the whale swallowed
/ Jonah Jonah was heard of afterwards-the whale
never 70
Little acts of Kindness gentle words. loving smiles
they strew the path of life with flowers, they make
the sun shine brighter and the green earth greener
and He who bade US s' love another looks with
favor upon the gentle and kind-hearted, and ne pro-
nounced the meek blessed.
a laundering compostor, in setting up the toast,
| & sWoman-without her, man would be a savage,
got the punctuation in the wrong place, which made
it read, 8 Woman without her man, would be a say
age The mistake not discovered until the ed
itors wife undertook to read the proof.
Never marry a man until you have seen him eat