St. Charles Republican intelligencer. (St. Charles [Charles City], Iowa) 1856-1857, 1856-11-13
Euu,otous.
DESCRIPTIVE ELOQUENCE
"Our Country It's of thee"

"Our Country tbs of thee
Ma'am," said a free-spoken, warm
hearted, enthusiastic, and rather quiz
zical son of old Kentu cky, while pay
ing his devoirs to one of the famous
lady tourists of America, Ma'am,
you should have been born in Ameri-
ca, the greatest country in the known
world. Nature has clustered all her
stupendous and dazzling works upon
this land, and you should be among
them |! We have got the greatest
men, the finest women, the broadest
lakes, the tallest trees, the widest
prairies, the highest waterfalls, and
the biggest hearts in all creation.
Ma'am, go and see the Falls of Nj
agara. My dear ma'am, if l didn't
think I'd walked up in futurity when |
first seed that big slantendicular pud-
die F! (slantendicular's an algebra word
ma'am-you mayn't know it, Why,
ma'am, | could tell you something
about them Falls-but you mustn't put
it in your book, COS nobody will ever
believe it. The people that live round
about there will lose their speech, and
never hear each other speak for years,
with the noise of the cataract! Fact
ma'am, true as that's pencil and note.
book you're taking out of your pock.
et Why, there was man lived there
ten years, and he got SO deef he never
knew a man was speaking to him till
pail of water was poured down the
back of his neck When you go to
the Falls, ma'am, you must do all the
talking you want to before you get
within twenty-five miles of them for
after that, not word of any kind can
be heard
"Then, ma'am, you should go and
see the great cave in Kentucky, where
the bats hibernaculate in countless
millions. There is not such another
hole in the ground to be found upon
the face of the earth. Ma'am, if YOU
go back to England without seeing
our Mammoth Cave, you'll put your
feet in it-no, beg your pardon, excuse
me-that's quite umpossible but you'll
leave a big hole in the book you're 60
ing to write. There was no end known
to it, ma'am and there is saliva
ter lake in the middle of it, twenty
five miles broad. One of the rooms
is called the "Antipodean Chamber, !"
from the unpronounceable fact that a
man can walk just as easy on the cell
ing as upon the floor and in this
apartment there's natural fountain
of pure brandy The same cave, too,
is positive cure for consumption.
"You haint been South yet, have
you, ma'am? You haint seen the
Mississippi river and the city of New
Orleans Well, ma'am, New Orleans
is one hundred and twenty-five feet
below the level Of the sea, and the
Mississippi runs through a canal
bridge right over the city The in
habitants are chiefly alligators and
screech owls, the last words have been
vulgarly perverted into Creole. The
food is chiefly gum, produced from
trees in the swamp, and which they
call gumbo. There is paper called
the Picaroon, the name being well cho-
sen, significant of its professed pira-
cies upon Hunts Philosophy, Baron
Munchausen, the Pilgrims Progress,
Joe Miller, Washington Irving, and
Bells Life in London. 1t is violent
and stupendous political print, and the
Government Of the country has en-
deavored in vain to suppress it. One
of the peculiar marks about this ex-
traordinary city, is the entire absence
of those small quadrupeds of the genus
most commonly known as rats. One
was seen many years ago, by citi
zen who brutally murdered the un.
known creature /; but was Immediate
ly tried and sentenced to be hung for
the enormity
"You will hear, ma'am, a great deal
about the floating population of New
Orleans phrase which you will un-
derstand when tell you that the town