Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1856-08-28
OBSERVATIONS OF MACE sLoPER, ESQ
FAMILIARITY NARRATED BY HIMSELF.

FAMILIARITY NARRATED by HIMSELF
If we take it first and last all through life,
its really amazing what a raft of people
we've heard and never seen, especially in
hotels. 1t has been Mace Sloper's luck to
be very frequently quartercd in rooms with
nothing but a door betwixt his room and his
Ineighbor's: and whenever this happened,
he has been pretty generally about as cer-
tain to hear, willing or unwilling, consider
able that wasn't spoken to him, particularly
when girls were in the next room! Not
giving myself credit for any especial cute
ness, [ can't brag Of ever having got UP any
wise theory on the subject: but it does seem
to me that the queercst. widest and most
amazing speeches [ ever heard in all my life
from mortal lips always came from people |
couldn,t see. Moreoycr-and every body'll
auEaa- Eith-n.a-
people can talk in the dark to Ole another
as they do in the light Report such talk,
and read it to them, and they'll as soon be-
lieyc that the'ye been talking Injun. That's
SOL
Which reminds Mace Slopcr Of talk he
once heard in a New Jersey hotel. [ had
quietly smoked myself into a regular nap,
such as the good alone enjoy, when was Il
woke by hearing somebody enter the next
room. Apparently he woke somebody else
up too, who was sleeping there in advance
of him.
"Hallo thar?'' says the man a-bed.
s'Wait for your welcome afore you come
in said No. 1.
"In-comcs are sways welcome" answer
ell No H. The mixologist of tipulars di-
rectoried me to apartment NC., which, be-
ing exceedingly weary, [ did uncandelized
Yet if you desire illuminosity -"
s.Stranccr - cried No. I, ''hold thar
don't light a match, for the love of God
I know adzackly what you look like with,
out going furder. You're five feet 'lever
inches high, got grey eyes, and coon CO.
lored vest, short-cropped har and a loose
over-coat, nose like razor-handle, and seal
over your left eye That's the stripe.'
GLOW do you cognovit that :" was the a
mazed reply.
"Cog- Mandcr" was the response
E'Iow do I know how you look? Why
who ever heard of mans coming to bed il
the dark, and calling bar-keeper a mixolo
gist of tipicular fiXins, unless he had gra,
eyes, razor-handlcd nose, short h'ar, an
coon-clored vest? Don't light match
stranger, on my account. Drummon' light
would be darkness on your face, arter sue
blaze of language as that. 'Illuminosity
and 'cognovitr That shows you've got
ca pet bag in your hand and whiskey-bot
tie in it. ,Hor'
There was a sound like the top Of a corl;
and clear case of drinking to better ac
quaintanceship going on as [ fell to sleer
We hear queer things in the dark. Tha
, Western man rather knocks me wheneve
I think of him.
It was in a country tavern of still hard
cr stripe, in Pennsylvania, that once hear
twist in it." Two fellows, apparently re
i. gular city rough scufs, were having a CON
Portable palavcr, the subject being soul
crout.
II used for to like crout-once-t," sal
, one, tsbut | don't keer for no crout now
No, Sir-ec I'm down on crout like a n'
gro preacher is on the vices of white folks.
"What fur p grunted the other.
"Wot fur p drawled his friend; ''Tll te
yer wot fur. Yer know two years ago whe
T the Blood Balls and Murderers lammed I'll
f Tormentors and killed Greasy, beside
: squashing a baby under the in-gine wheels
: Ha-ay? Well, [ cleared out frum town
kase the perlice, Gawd da-a-m EN-, were a
x ter me, and I went to Har-risberg.
There I come across two coviea ! ll:t