The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1856-07-10

VARIETY.


when he found his coat out at the elbows
Why does the cook make more noise than the bell
Because the one makes DIN, but the other dinner
The editor of an Eastern paper says that many O
his patrons would make excellent wheel horses they
hold back we'll
Why issa mushroom like dandy Because it is
rapid in its growth, slim in its trunk, and thick in
its head.
ExTRAoRDINAEY INTELLIGENCE. There has been
nobody killed for whole week on the Camden and
Amboy Railroad
'' 1t is solemn thing to be married. said Aunt
Bethany Yes, but it's a deal more solemn not to
be- said the little girl, her niece.
lady once remarked that carelessness was little
better than halfway house between accident and
design.
Excuse me, madam but 1 would like to ask, why
you look at me so very savagely. &C Oh beg pardon
sir took you for my husband -
sc The proper study of mankind is man. says Pope
but the popular study is how to make money out of
him.
Mr.. Ferguson says the prettiest sewing machine
he ever saw about years DID, with short sleeves
low necked dress and gaiter boots
PRovERBs.-The Chinese have thoughtful proverb
-'' The prison is shut night and day-yet it is al
ways full the temples always open-and yet you
find one in them
A young lawyer trying to establish himself in bu-
sness is IN one respect like young physician-he
needs p1tience
In churning cream, add a lump of butter to the
cream before commencing, and the butter will
in two-thirds the time it would without. Try it.
Never jest with the sorrows and frailtes of men.
Fraties are misortunes, and the most sacred thing
on earth to each heart, is its own
SYMPATHY-Tailor (to considerable customer)
So Trife thinner than you was, Sir Glad see you
back, Sir. Ope you'll get your 'eath, Sir
WIo71 hoo. ho1h
Sir-You may fancy what our feelings was, Sir %
LITERARY INTELL1GENcE- of the assistants in
the reading room of the British Museum has publish
ed pair of new boots, that making great deal
of noise in the literary world.
rasrs hoy i'm No.= N-l 1~-~;-es -,-tIie ty1tt luck
in selling his batch of Heralds, somewhat accelerated
his business by crying outs Ere's the Er'l'd-ar-
rival of the Pacific, and death of Horace Greeley.
In Belgium three religious papers are published
monthly, and 10000 tracts, and about 5000 copies
of the Scriptures are distributed annually Catho-
licsm is in the ascendant. Professionalism is very
small minority, composed of few state churches
with synod.
Jenny Lind Go1dschnoidt has written sympathet-
ic letter, to her former friend and manager Mr.. p T.
Barnum. She says, that he, his, shall know
want while have it in my power (Which owing to
the goodness of Heaven, l have now,) to keep it
away. ~
's When goes shoppin,' said an old lady, '' al
lers asks for what wants, and if they have it, and
it's suitable and feel inclined to buy it, and it's
cheap, and can't be got at any place for less most
alters takes without chaferng about it all day,
most people does.'
Sixty thousand boxes lemons, one hundred and
thirty thousand boxes oranges, seventy thousand
drums figs, ten thousand five hundred casks rasins,
fifteen thousand two hundred and forty-fve drums
rasins, and one hundred and ninety thousand bexes
rasins, have been imported this year at Boston
TRUE-People who suppose that good prayer is
preferred good act, doubtless imagine that God
has more hearing than eye-sight The end, we fear
will show that they reasoned from false premises
The poor are oftener prayed for than helped The
reason is, we believe, that breath is cheaper than
bullion.
SADLY FLIpPANT.-A local newspaper says
Sc A marriage was solemnized at Darton, on Mon |
day. which excited much interest in that locality In
the procession seven asses gaily decked out.
A heartless and disrepectful wretch, whom Mr.. |
Punch instantly kicked of his Office, remarked
reading the paragraph, What fuss to make about
FIVE more than ordinary y
THE LYNN News tells a good story of two boys, one
of whom was boasting of the beauties of his fathers
house 6 1t has got cupola,,' said he and ID It's GO
ing to have something else. &C What is it =? asked
his interested companion Why, / heard father
tell mother this morning that it's going to have q
mortgage on it,
REspECTABILIrY.-ss Cato, does you know dem |
Johnsins, up dar in Congo Place. is going to be berry
getting along berry well, but does know how spec
table dey s.'' How spectacle does you tink, Cato'
'sWall, guess about tree tousand dollars More
spectacle dan dat. WALL how spectacle is dey
ssWy, five tousand dollars an house an lot. -
Whey! goodbye, Cato, must give 'em call.
PoLTrENEss IN DUNNING.-An old gentleman had
owed firm for years at last everybody's patience t
and temper were exhausted, clerk named Frank
undertook to get the money.
Frank called upon the gentleman, and met with
polite reception and the usual answer with the addl
ton, $ You need not trouble yourself, young man,
about the matter will make it all right. .
go, no. replied Frank, IS could not think for
moment of compelling you to call at the store for
few dollars 1t will not be the slightest inconvenience
for me to stop In, pass your place of business six
Tunes day. to and from my meals, and can call
every time go by''
+" Here said the old fellow to his bookkeeper,
alarmed at tho prospect of being dunned six times
day for the next six months paw this impertnent
rascal He can beat in politeness, and, if he
wants situation will give him two thousand dol
.