Nebraska advertiser., 1856-06-14
agit ar6 9hmat..

Remarkable-that SO much money
has been stolenby railroad officers, and
that so few are in the State Prison.
Extempore preaching is like extern
pore fddling- none but the most finish
ed performers should attempt it.
Genius will always work itself
through, said "a poet when he found his
coat out at the elbows.
"That's the end of my tail" as the
tadpole said when he turned into a bull
frog.
"Sammy, Why don't your mother
mend that Zip in your ~trousers?'' ooh,
she's gone to the sewing circle, to make
clothes for poor children"
A Yankee editor says: eThe march
of civilization is onward-onward--
like the slow but intrepid tread of a
jackass toward a peck of oats"
@:You bachelors ought to be taxed
said a lady to a resolute envader of the
moose matrimonial. "Iagree witt you
perfectly, ma'am," was the reply,
"~bachelorism certainly is a luxury"
Why is a man making love to a
married woman like a sheriff levying
on the wrong mans goods? Because
he's the victim of ga misplaced attach
ment."
The longest day is now discovered
to be the day before your wedding.
@Beware!p' said the potter to the
clay, and it became ware.
The prettiest lining for a bonnet is a
sweetface.
If He CAN.-Every maj ought to
get married-if he can.
Every mai should do his work to suit
his customers--if he can.
Every lawyer should tell the truth
sometimes-if he can.
Every man ought to mind his own
business andlet other peoples alone
if he can.
Every man should take a newspaper,
andpayf for it-withoutt the least shadow
of mistake.
SU1CIDE.-Elias. Workman, late of.
Richland township, Holmes county O..
committed suicide on Sunday morning
9th ult. by hanging himself with a
He had lately been elected
of the township, and had
given a heavy bond. Fearing he was
not fit for the Office, and to avoid the
modification Of being laughed at, he
rose in the morning at four o'clock and
went to the barn and hanged himself
He leaves an interesting family.
GOODNESS OF WELLTNGToN.-H is re-
lated Of the Duke of Wellington that
he was once in great danger Of being
1t was bed time, when the
captain of the. vessel came to him and
said: at will soon be all over with u.s."
every WE'LL" coolly responded the
"then I shall not take off my
A FIrTNG TRUTH.-Woman's par
for thin shoes is to b. accounted
FOR by herinsuperable dislike to thick
understanding.
Why is the cow tail like the letter
3? Because it is the end Of beef.
Why is ajoiner less handsome than
his wife? Kase he is d deal-planer.
Why is a vine like a soldier? Kase
It is trained--has tendrils-and it
What is it that causes a cold, cures
cold, and pays the doctor? A draft
Hobbs, the locksmith has pickedone
If Banquo's CORY locks, he did it with
4 pick-axe. He is nov at work on a
Wed-lock.
She that marries a man because he
is a. "aood MATCH. must not be sur
if he turns out ga Lucifer."
There is a lady in Boston who isl
habitually SO sleepy that her ~couriosity
cannot be awakened.
The people of Cincinnati are the
be~nefactors of the human race; for
they lard the lean earth
The young lady who fell in love has
just been pulled out by the daring fell
low who successfully struggled whit
A halter in Washington asinvented
a hat that. cannot be blown off. in a
gale. The editor of one of the papers
of that city says-"f this hat were not
wind-proof we would give it it a puff"
Afemale lunatic in the Utica Asylum
is a lady of enlargedideas. She talks
of becoming the empress of the world,
and using the next rainbow for a waist
Some slanderer asserts that paper
makers are the greatest magicians of
the age, inasmuch as they transfer