Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1856-11-22
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.


The lady who was nearly killed by tie
accidental discharge Of her duty, is slowly
recovering.
Why is a man with a corn on every toe
like large landholdcr? Because he IS s.es-
sessed Of many achers.
4 Royal Nichnaate--Th Pgipee of Wales,
Queen Fic's oldest boy, it is said, is called
oy his sister, Oh account of his perenptory
manner, Mister Upper Crust
Never 40 TO bed at ten, leaving your wife
up till two, with sick baby; ard look
pltchforks at her at the brcahl:set table, be-
cause that meal is half an hour too late.
The following epitaph is said to be writ
ten on scolding wife
Here lies my wife, poor Molly, let her lie
She finds repose at last-and so do |.
A lady asked her gardener why the weeds
always outgrew and covered up the flowers
Madam, answered he, 'the soil is mother
Of the weeds but epl step mother of the
HoWers.'
We have read, somewhere Of great man
who advised his friends never to take advice
declaring that he never went wrong but
once, and that was when be followed another
mans counsel.
A female writer says, Nothing looks
worse on lady than darncd stockinge.'
Allow us to observe that stockings which
need darning look much WORSE than darned
ones.
4 name for Il young tulg.-Thc infant
daughter of the Duchess dc Montpensier has
the following names-enough for very
large family:
Maria de Rcga, francesca dc Asis, An
tonia, Illisa, Fernando, Amalia, Felipa,
Isabel, Adelaida Christina, Josefa Joaqui-
ma, Justa, Ru6na, Lufgarda, Carolina, lgi-
biana, Pelonia, Gaspara, Melchiora, Balta-
sara, Ana, Agucda, Lucia, francesca dc
Paula, Ramona, Todos los Santos, Brigidia,
Dionisia.
An American clergyman preaching a
drowsy sermon, asked, What is the price
of earth's pleasuros?' The deacon, ftt
grocer, woke suddenly from sound sleep,
and out Justify, Seven and sixpcnce
a dozen?
Quite q jeke happened to ore Of the doe
tor craft some time age. He ordered some
powerful medicine for sick boy, and the
father not liking the appearance eff it forced
it down the cats threat. When TIE doctor
called again and inquired if the powder had
cured the boy, the father replicd-'No, we
didn't give it to him
Good heavcn' said the doctor, is The
child liying?'
Yes, but the cat aint--we gave it to her ;
The doctor sloped.
A good story is told of IN cd .ladY who
had received a letter from her son, n sailor
an hoard a merchantmen, which ran thus:
Have been driven into the Bay of Fundy
by pampoose right in the teeth. 1t bowed
great guns, and carried away tue 'boosprit;
q havy sea washed oven board the pinnacle
and companion the captain lost his quad
rant, and couldn't take any observation for
fifteen days at last we arrived at Halifax.
The old woman, who could not read her
self, got neighbor TO repeat it to her three
or four times. until she thought she had it
by heart She then sailed out To tell the
story:
oh, my poor son ?
why, what's The matter, mother? hope
no mischief.
@, thank God. he's safe! But he has
been driven into the Bay of ornament by
bambozle right in the tecth-it bowed
great guns, and they carried away the pull
pit-a heavy sea washed overheard the pin
nacle of the tabernacle--the captain osi bis
eoniuraton, and couldn't get aay salvation
for fifteen days-at last they arrived safe at
Hallelaiah.
La, bless us. what wonder they wasn't
beat to atoms Well, wouldn be sailor.
Our contemporary of the Inland Daily in
forms his readers that ''tho expiring days
of summer have taken tier departure not to
return again till spring" We may expect
an early summer next year.
Rabies and babies are de omblems OF
love- especially the babies.
The following notice is posted conspicu-
ously in publication office down Hast -
''Shut this door-and as seos9 as you have
done talking ON business serve your mouth
in the same way