Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1856-12-20
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS


Christmas will coae, tbs year. on tbe
25th day Of December just as usual.
Come, dwell in this bosom, as tie shark
said to the sailor.
Why was ST. Paul Ike horse Because
lie loved Timothy.
A young lady at the North refuses to
wear shoes, because they have eyes.
Religion is an insurance AGAINST fire in
the next world, for which honcstv is the
best policy.
Bewarc-Of whom you speak To whom
you speak: and How, and When, and
Where.
The Frost saw the pretty Flower, aud
sought to marry Wilt thou?' said TIC
Frost; and the Flower ,oiltsd.
Long words, like long dresses, frequently
hide something wrong about the under
standing
It is an extraordinary fact, that when
people come to what is called high words,
they generally use lov language.
An Irishman caught hornet in his hand
but dropped it and exclaimed BE iabers,
what kind Of teeth do your birds have in
Ameriky?
An editor, whose Subscribers complained
he did not give them news enough, told
them to read the Bible, which would doubt
lees he news to the uast Of them.
To ascertain whether your wife Is jealous,
lace up another lady shoe, and let her catch
YOU atiti If that don't make her round
shouldered nothing will.
A calarel preacher gave Lis appointment:
4 shall speak in dis place :, fortnight from
to-day. de Lord wiling; free weeks, whesl-
der or no.
'Tintioo exclaimed an Irish serreanf
TO his platoon front face, and tiad 10 rQgi
cali Is many If We as is asiscGi viii say
here : and as laany ef ye Is is not priseni
VIII cay absent.
'Tis strange, muttercd a Young man, as
he staggered home from a supper party
how evil communications corrupt COED
manners I've been surrounded by turl-
elers all the evening, and NOW In a tua-
Bier myself.
lie vino is passionate and has;y IS geoer-
ally honest. Ii Is vow old, dissenting
hypocrite Of whom YOU should beware
There 5 no deception in huii log. 1t i.
only the cur that sneaks up and bites yot
When your back is turned
Homeopathic Soup There Is a char
down east 20 mean that he bols two boat
buttons in a pint of water, fhis gruei last.
him exactly one month. lie has used the
buttons so long that he has boiled the hole
out Of them.
Charley, said father to lis son, Will,
they were working at a saw mill, what pcs
sesses you to associate with such girls as
you do When was of your age coule
go with the first cut The first cut sale
the sou, as he assisted thc Cd man in roll
ing over log. is always a slab.
An old lady had favortc nephew. WIZ
was a stl.dent at Catharine ltall, and aboa
whom she was very anxious. She ihQuifeJ
Of his tutor how lie conducted himself,
oh, very we'll indeed madam, replied
the tutor, he sticks 10 Catbariue HAIL.
Sticks to Catlarino Hall. docs he thc
young seprobate. Bat his father was JUS
Ike him always fond Of the girls.
-Iadtoa rs. Geu.7emea..- Three things ;
lady cannot do: /. She cannot pass mil
liners shop without stopping 2. She can
not see piece Of lace without asking wha'
It cost. 3. She cannot see Il baby Withoal
kissing it.
A lady of our acquaintance turns iho To,
hlcs or the gentlemen as follows;
J. lie eannet 90 through. the house ant
shut the door after him. i. He cannot have
shirt made to suit him. J. He e&n. never
be satisfied with the ladies' fashions 4 HI
IS poor stick, any way, without good
wife.
A swell clerk from the city, who vas
spending an evening IN 4 country tavern,
east about him for amusement. Feeling Sc
cure in lho possession of the mos. money, he
male the following offer;
j will drop money into a hat with any
one in the roam. The one who holds out
,he longest shall take the whole and treat
ihe company
"I'l do it., said an oil farmer
The cockncy dropped in a quarter.-.tho
enuntryman put in a 'bungtown' copper
Go on, said the cockney
Il won't" said the faenler; take the
whole, and treat the aompaay
Come, kiss ne, said Robin gently SAID 10,
Ny mother forbade me to play with mon 90;
Int tie did not mstrust, the silly out he,
That mother hadn' said he must not kiss me.