Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1856-05-29

Melissy, thinks me, I'll dew 1t right TINS
time, aud speak to the old woman first.
Widou ou.-"OM Woman, hey, that's a
purity name to call me amaziu perlite tew
Want Melissy, hey Tribbelation gracious
sakes alive! we'll, I'll give it up now. L al
ways know'd you was simpleton Tim
Crane, but must confess didn't think you
was quite so big fool-want Melissey, dew
ye? If that don't beat all What an ever
lasting old calfyou NUT be, to suppose she'd
look at you. Why, you're old enough to be
her father, and more tew-Melissy amt on
ly in her twenty.onth year. What re-
dickilous idee for man o your age. as
gray as a rat tew I wonder what this
world is coming tew tbs astonishin' what
fools old widdiwers make o themselves
Have Melissy. AIelissy!"
.M'. C-"Why, widder, you surprise me
I'D no idee of being treated in this way
after you'd been so perlite to me, and made
such fuss over me and the girls"
UIidou-"Shet yer head, Tim Craze
nun O yer sass to me- There's yer hat on
that ere table, and here the ,door-and the
sooner you put on one and march out o
t'tother, the better it II be foryo And l
advise you afore you try to get married agln,
to 60 out West and see if yer wife's cold,
and arter ye're satisfied OH that pint, just
put little lampblack on yer HART would
add to yer appearance undoubtedly, and be
of service to yew when you want to flourish
among the gals-and when yc've got your
hair 6xt, jest splinter the spine of your back
-'twould mt hurt yer looks mite-you'd
be entirely unresistable if you was a little
grain straighter"
Mr.. C.-"Well, never"
Widow.-"Hold yer tongue, you consarn-
ed old coot you'll told yer there's yer hat
and hers the door-be off with yourself,
quick metre, Or I'll give ye hyst with the
broomstick"
Mr.. C.-"Gemmeni"
Wi1op riising.-"Git out, say--I amt
agwine to stan here and be insulted under
my own ruff, and so get along, and if ye ev-
er darken my door again, or say word to
Melissy, it II be the wust for you-thats
ALL"
M. C.-"Tremenjous What a bus
terw
Widow.-"Go 'long-go 'long-go long,
ye everlastin' old gum. I won't hear anoth-
er word-(stops her ears )-I won't, l won't,
I won't. Exit Mr. Crane.]
A LAUGHABLE PREDICAMENT.
In December, Is, we were travelling
through one of the New England towns, in
an old-fashioned stage-coach, with friend,
whose power of making fun from the slight
est cause was manifest from any passing OBJ
ject which he choose to attack. 1t was mid
night, and as we approached the village of
R-d, he espied large mansion-house
on the top of small sugar-loaf hill, close
by the road. When We arrived opposite, he
asked the driver to stop few minutes; the
request was cheerfully complied with, al
though we were most freezing; but what
trick be had in view none could guess.
The funny gentleman marched directly
up the front door of the mansion and knock
ed with his cane loud enoug to wake all
the inhabitants, Immediately a window
sash was raised, and out popped red night
cap, containing the head of the proprietor,
who in alarm exclaimed
"What-whats the matter. What want
ed at this time of night p
"Pardon me, sir, for this intrusion but
l have communication to make to you per-
sonally, and as the stage is waiting impa-
tiently for Inc please hurry to the door for
one moments interview"
The old gentleman's red night-cap, with
its owner in garment curtailcd of its fair
proportions were almost immediately at the
door, politely bowling to the funny stranger,
who again apologized for disturbing his
slumber and thus exposing him to the chilly
winds of a December night
"My dear sir" interrupted Mr.. Night,
cap, "don't mention it, but pardon me for
appearing before you in the plight in which
you zee me-"
"You are certainly very excusable, and
especially as MY great haste prompted this
courteous response to my call upon you"
"Be pleased to step into the house, as I
notice some ladies in the coach are attracted
by my appearance.
"Never mind them, my dear sir Your
finely located mansion has arrested the atten-
ton of us all-it makes truly beautiful ap-
pearance in the bright moonlight Speak
ing of the moon brings to my mind the
question which has recently agitated the
scientific world !; and in which you have uu-
doubtedly been interested viz. Is this lu-
minsry inhabited or is it not inhabited
The telescopic--"
"Excuse my interruption, sir; but allow
me to get cloak, for am almost frozen,
and"
"Ten thousand pardons, my dear friend,
but the stage is waiting for me, and must
lose no time, for, of all things in this world,
time, that"
"Allow me to remind you, sir, that you
desired to make communication to me, I
am now ready to receive it.
"Ah, me! How unmindful I am in the
discharge of a duty incombent upon me,
and which has been too long protracted, l
most readily acknowledge"
"Obligc me, sir, by coming directly to
the communication Won desire IN make