Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1856-02-27
sDEAF AUNT AND A DEAF WIFE.


ness which perpetrated towards my wife and
my ancient relative.
ssMy DEAR said to my wife, on the day
before my aunt's arrival, s'you know Aunt Ma
~ is coming tomorrow well, forgot to
mention a rather annoying circumstance with
regard to her. She's very deaf; and altho'
she can hear my voice, to which she is accus-
toned in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order to be
heard. 1t will be rather inconvenient, but
know you will do anything in your power to
make her stay agreeable"
Mrs. S. announced her determination to
make herself heard, if possible. then went
to John T, who loves joke about as well
as anv person know of, and told him to be at
the house at six P. NJ. on the following even
ing, and felt comparatively happy.
/ went to the railroad depot with carriage
next night, and when l was on my way homo
with my aunt said
..Dear aunt, there is one rather annoying in
trinity that Anna (his wife) has, which ! for
got to mention. She's very deaf, and altho'
she can hear my voice, to which she is accus-
toned, in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
oDilgeU 10 speak iOuu III pIuSl ooS
heard. am very sorry for it.
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking loud,
and to do so would afford her great pleasure.
The carriage drove up; on the steps was my
wife, in the window John T, with
face as utterly solemn as if he had buried all
his relatives that afternoon.
handed out my aunt she ascended tho
steps. 81 am delighted TO see you,'' shrieked
my wife, and the policeman on the opposite
sidewalk started, snd my aunt nearly fel down
the steps.
"Kiss me, my DEAR" howlcd my aunt, and
the hall lamp clattered and the windows shook
as with the fever and ague. looked at the
window. John had disappeared. Human ma
ture could stand il no longer, poked my head
into the carriage, and went into strong convul-
| sions.
When entered tie parlor, my wife wac help
| ing Aunt Mary TO take off her hat and cape;
and there sat John with his sober face.
Suddenly, s|Did you have pleasant tour-'
| ney % went of my wife like pistol and John
nearly jumped to his feet.
s.Rather dusty was the response, in 8 war
whoop, and SO the conversation continued.
The ncighbors for blocks around must of
heard it, When was in the third story of tbs
building heard every word.
In the course of the evening my aunt took
| occasion to say TO me
GLOW loud your wife speaks. Don't it hurt
her 20
told her all deaf persons talked loudly, md
that my wife, being used to it, was not affected
by the exertion, and that Aunt Mary was get
ting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said, softly
s.Alf, how very loudly your aunt talks
s.Yes,'' said I, call deaf persons do"
s.You're getting along with her iuely she
hears every word you say.''
And | rather think she did.
Elated at their success in being understood,
they went at it hammer and tongs till everything
on the mantel-piece clsttered again, and was
seriously afraid Of crowd collecting in front
( of the house. But the end was near.
| Ny aunt being of an investigating turn of
mind, was desirous of finding out whether ths
exertion of talking so loud was not injurious TO
my wife. So
ssDoesn't talking so loud strain your lungs.
/ said she, in an unearthly whoop, for her voice
was not quite rs musical as it was when shs
was young.
at is an exertion," :hrieked my wife.
s.Then why do you do it 7'' was the answer
ing scream.
eBecause-because-y can't hear if 1
DON'T squealed my wife.
eWhat ?'' said my aunt, fairly rivalins arail-
road whistle this time.
l began to think it time TO evacuate the
| premises, and looking round and seeing John
/ gone, l stepped into the back parlor and there
he lay, fiat on his back, with his feet at right
angles to his body, rolling from side to side,
with his face poked into his ribs and most
| agonizing expression of countenanee, but not
uttering a sound. l Immediately and invol-
unfairly assumed similar attitude, and think
that, from the relative position OF our feet ana
heads and our attempts to restrain our laugh
ter, apoplexy must inevitably bave ensued,
! horrible groan, which John gave vent IN his
endeavor TO suppress his risibili'y, had not be-
trayed our hiding place.
In rushed nv wife and aunt, who, by this
/ time comprehended the joke, and such scold-
| ing as l then got 1 never had before, and
! hope never to get again.
know not what the end might have been if
John, in his endeavors to appear respectful
and sympathetic, had not given way 10 such
groan and horse laugh that all gravity vas
upset. and We screamed out in concert.
know il was very wrong, and all that, to-
tell such fslsehoods, but / think Mrs. Opis
herself would have laughed if she bad seen
| Aunt Mary's expression when She was inform
ed that her hearing was defective.