Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1856-07-30
For the Spectator.

"1Ae Women of the Rerolution-N Mothers OF
Men and Patriots. The Women 2f- To-day
Hoop Hoop! IIoop!!! Hmroh"
The above, Messrs Editors, is Toast given
at one of the 4th ofJuly celebrations and IS GER
tainly very ungallant one. 1t was gwen as
the regular 'tllirteener," and what could the
Committee on Toasts mean? 1t must certainly
be misprint; some old crusty bachelor must
have had the handling of the types, as no one
else. in speaking of the "diwine critters" would
have dared to leave out the important double
-you.n or had the iinpertinence to NEEDLE with q
lady's skirts.
But seriously, you gentlemen editors, who
know everything, (but who do not always dct
up to your knowedge,) what is TO be the end OF
this 'hoop" mania that the ladies have got into
Can't YOU reduce the matter to mathematical
Question. and find the end of a circlel What
shall be done9 The ladies pay no heed TO the
remarks of the bifurcates; they are hoop-proof
against all quizzical looks; they do not even
blush when, on meeting roguish urchln, ne
suddenly jumps into the gutter, and declares 70
his playmate he had narrow escape from BENG
lost in the ample folds of-what-d 'ye-caliem
Yes. the ousetion is, what shall we Lords OF
Creationn do. in order to prevent our being
crowded off into chaos2 Like the Pharisees OF
old the ladies (God bless them, and may their
shadows be less,) have made broad their petit
phvlactenies, and do not believe even the So
tiric pen of an Addison would be feared, II no
were alive, and as the argus eyes OF ms oiu
"Spectator" are closed forever, Messrs. Editors'
will you not devote your modern spectator 10
the breaking down of those walls OF cotton, gut
ta-percha whalebones, hoop-poles, cordage crl-
Moline, Ct believe that is hename,) behind whlcn,
q beg their pardons,) in the midst OF which, the
dear creatures have ensconsed themselves, ana
bid defiance to the approaches OF their natural
protectors. 1t is said that "coming events cast
their shadows before" but this is something
that casts its shadows all around-it is ahead OF
tic forerunner the ridiculous 'buste, and there
is soually aspect for the future. But there Is
one thing I must give them credit for; they have
studied Chemistry and Philosophy, and they de-
moustrate conclusively that ventilators ana re-
frigeratcrs are among the necessaries OF life
And then they do so much to encourage domes-
tic manufactures, and to cement the bonds OF the
Union, (the ladies are always Unlonlsts) 1or as
lono as the fashion prevails, the looms OF New
Fneland need never be still, and Nantucket wha-
lers need never weary.
But, notwithstanding these good results, in the
name of all who wear bifurcated lnexpresslDles,
I protest against these living Sebastopols, who
. are fortified all the way up--are of the dimen-
sions of q good sized haystack-gorgeous, as
they can display any quantity of canvass, with
all the stars and stripes flung to the breeze-ol
beautiful, symmetrical features and form, (no
there is no form,) as distance lends enchantment
TO the view-ten feet is the nearest you can gel
to that face 1t looks as small from your poinl
of observation, as if you were using reversed
spy-glass Did you ever see one OF these whaie,
bone, dry goods, wooden ware, manufactured
women, with scarcely life enough-so diSpropor-
tionate is the body to the mass say, did you
ever see one of these things dance2 . dear. r.such
colossal, mammoth-like, elephantine gyravions
And then her partner! See the poor fellow ska
ting around the convexity of that pethcoat-
three times and out-he vamooses!
On the recent 4th was in Harrson6urg-
your rival cty-and attended the Masonic ccle-
| bration, held in one OF the churches boon
heard q rattling sound behind me-l saw that
an immense sensation was being produced on
those who sat so as to look towards the door;
turned my head, and intuitively sprang TO my
feet: nv first impression was, that some cute
merchant had seized the opportunity for display
inc all the goods in his store, and had employed
some cunninc artihcer to invent some kind OF
locomotive for so doing--the thing was as gor-
the distance like some great dome. But not at
the moment discerning the face, and seeing NO
motive power to impel the huge mass, l mag
ined il some enormous univalve, carrying its gor-
geous, palti-colored shell wherever 1t went. As
tbe object drew nearer, and its rotundity almost
touched me, discovered in the distance, face
Ia human face divne-and saw that her OBJ
iect was. to find place of sufficient dimensions
wherein to place such a mass. The gentleman
accompanying her, pointed to seat having
space left for three, but the lady was too wary
she knew her capacity for filling space,too well ;
at last. an entire seat was emptied; now came
the tug of war; whalebone, and cordage, aud
crinoline met walnut, and cherry, and pine; she
commenced the attack with every rag OF canvass
spread, from lib to mainsail-from spanker TO
top-gallant,and as the contest was on the reverse
order, the victory being to the party who yield-
ed the most, Whalebone u Go. carried the day.
but how. none but his birthstone majesty, the
Ancient Henry, can tell The gentleman accom-
panyng her, as reward for his gallan,ry IN
making one grand rush and push upon her whale
bones. was allowed to squeeze in by her side,
but nothing but his head was seen the remain
der of him was lost in--in-sllk.
| believe in the freedom of both sexes, but
women must not extend the area of their tree
dom too extensively i do not like to be crowd-
ed into corner, or into the gutter; am Will
ing they should extend the sphere of their use
fulness, but not the circumference OF the sphere
of their divinity. When it comes to this, it be-
hooves all men to stand on their reserved rights,
and pitch in; to storm the Malakoff; to conquer
peace" to lay plots and counterplots;" to use
satire and common sense, until the cotton-tortl-
fed angels are convinced that we are joint ten
ants here, and have equal rights to sidewalks,
sofas, church pews, &C., and that they have no
right to SO metamorphose themselves as to cast
an mputation upon the wisdom of their Maker.
MOSSY CREEK.
STEAM MELopIEs.-It has been stated that
some inventor in Worcester has succeeded in
turning the unearthly schreech of the steam
whistle into harmonious music. The new in
vention was attached to one of the locomotives
on the Worcester and Nashua railroad, on