New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1856-12-01
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HtrMoROusLF PRACTICAL.


HUMoRousLY PRACTICAL" +.
The Fnolsh papers and the Northern papers fur
nisb arnns;nr contrasts in their columns We have
frequently laughed over them, and expect to laugh
ova1 tban, aoain on numerous occasions. They sup
NV lp7icrous medley of selfconceit would-be phi
anthropy and parisaicaI christianity, combined with
avarce 4 desire to overreach, timidity which be-
trovs their dependence, and an unscrnpulousness
which would have done credit to Judas when he sold
his Master for thirty pieces Of silver. .
Take up an English paper for instance. Now, Eng
lish papers are always intensely, respectable and
generally able What do we see? In one column
any amount Of abuse of slavery and the soutl-any
quantity of mpnctcable philanthropy and any
number Of pledges to relieve distress where none eS
isfs and never has existed. 1t is true, uncharitabe
critics riN refer to the fact that these same generous
people and their government, which was, of course,
egqv generous, allowed two millions of Irish men,
women children and infants, to starve to death dur
ing the late famine when their granarles we're over
flowing with all the necessares OF hie-but what OF
that? According to law, slaves cannot breathe IN
England although thousands Of white people die
of starvation there annually! Is not that enough
Being free in name, what more should the starving
Wretches dare ask for?
Turn we now to another column in the same paper:
to the commercial column. What do we note there
Nothing Of a philanthropic nature-nothlng about
slaves-notlng about generosity-and nothing about
projects to ameorate assumed distresses which have
no existence save in the hypocrticay trained imagl-
nation In those columns John Bull figures and cal
culates and calculates and figures how to put down
the price of Southern slave grown cotton, how to Keep
it down. aud how he can make most off slave owners
and his white slave operatives One day he threatens
to work short time regardless of the suerngs snort
time would bring upon his workmen The next, he
sends off false reports about the stock he has on nd
The third he declares his independence, and raises
the rate of interest in the hope that by making money
dearer he can buy cotton cheaper. The fourth, he
comes out with a long statement, digest Of which
displays envy, fear and uuscrupuousness, to the last
degree and demonstrates to the practically intelligent
mind that the fabric of his gigantic greatness would
soon crumble nothngness were he deprived OF cot
ton bags one short twelve months! There is nothing
on earth John Bull cultivates with so much assduity,
apprehension he does the reports of the cot
ton markets. His leading commercial! editorials are
about cotton He works in and thinks of cotton all
day and when he lays down and goes to sleep he
dreams about cotton And, if his dreams pretgure 4
short crop he awakes with a shudder, and in cold
sweat.
The illustration in regard to John Bull holds good
in regard to Brother Jonathan. Jonathan is just as
big hypocrlte as Bull. Neither care brass
button about the slave, and only assume unnatural
philanthropy as a convenient cloak to conceal
their manifold transgressions from the gaze OF
men, just as though there was not an AlSee-
ing Eye above them that marks and will expose their
moral deformty on the day of final settlement. iona
all
heart and soul, makes money by manufacturing
the products of slave labor than do the Shareholders
themselves Pous Jonathan Like Bull he breaches
WELL and thus satisfies bis conscience but he never
reduces his precepts to practice when that practice
would interfere with the rotundty of his money bags
Not he He is too smart for that. Catch weasel
asleep and then you may find Messrs. Bull and iona
than in sound slumber but not before
Now, suppose these poor Southern shareholders
whom John Bull aud Brother Jonathan take savage
delight in villityng and prosecuting, in season ant
out Of season, should do what they have a perfect
legal and moral right to do, withhold their cottor
from market for period of ninety days. commencing
this morning? What would become Of Liverpool
Manchester or London? Without cotton Bull couldn't
pay and would have to stop business shut shop and
go into the Insolvent's Court Cotton is to him what
the maissprins is to the watch. Take it away and
the whole machine becomes valueless Cotton is the
lever that moves Mr. Bulls industrial system, and he
knows it, notwithstanding his at1ectation of superior
righteousness. Hence the very sleeplessness with
which Bull watches the cotton market exposes his
Notifying, yet complete dependence upon the snowy
staple of the South.
As it is with Bull, so it is with Jonathan. When a
steamer arrives his first glance is directed to the quota
lions OF cotton, and they satisfactory all right;
If not, the effect is felt in his money market and
throughout the qualifications of his enormous business
Jonathan knows full well-shrewd fellow that he is
that if cotton should fail, his importers would fail
and that if his importers failed his banks would fail
and that if they failed, bankruptcy, ruin and dis
tress among all classes would pervade his entire do
mains.
Hence, Jonathan notes the cotton market, thu
weather as applicable to the growth Of cotton, an,
the prospects Of good crop, with eye that know
no slunber. In conclusion, would again ask til
very phanthropc Messls Bull and Jonathan how the
would feel about the pocket aud stomach if the
knew positively that not single bale of cotton wouI
go forward the next ninety days? Answer, ye phi
lanthropists, answer We only put the interrogation.
not that have the slightest wish that the forwar
ing Of cotton should cease.
SPLENDID MIRRoRs.--The mirror, for reasons upt