Weekly hawk-eye and telegraph. [volume] (Burlington, Iowa) 1855-1857, 1856-05-14
A Wife In Ecstacy, and q Husband In
E1d0etS,

Fidgets.
The deed is accomplished. Ny wife has got
piano. and now farewell the tranquil mind
farewell content, and the evening papers
and the big cigars that make ambition vir-
tue-oh, farewell And oh, ye mortal en-
gines, whose rude threats the immortal Jove's
bid them farewell, for one ofthem has just come.
1t came on dray. Six men carried it into the
parlor, and it grunted awfully. 1t weighs tun,
shines like mirror, and has carved Cupids climb
ing up its legs. And such lungs-whew! My
wife has commenced to practice, and the first
time she touched the machine I thought we
were in the midst of thunder storm, and the
lightning had struck the crockery chests. The
cat, with tail erect took bee line for particu-
lar friend upon the fence, demolshing six shill-
| ing pane of glass. The baby awoke the little
fellow tried his best to beat the instrument, but
he didn't do tit beat him.
A teacher has been introduced into the house.
He says he is the last of Napoleons great army.
He wears huge moustache, and looks at me
fercely, smells Of garlic, and goes by the name
of Count-run-away-and -back-again-
by. He played Extract de Opera the other
night He run his fingers through hishai twice,
then grinned, then he cooked his eyes up at the
ceiling like a monkey hunting flies, then down
came one of his fingers, and Iheard a delightful
sound similar to that produced by cockroach
upon the tenor string of a fiddle Down came
another, and I was reminded of the wind whist
ling through knot hole in hen coop. He
touched his thumb and thought was in an
orchard listening to the braying of jackass.
Now he run his fingers along the keys, and I
thought of boy rafting his stick upon picket
fence. All Of a sudden he stopped, and tho't
something had happened. Then came down both
fists, and oh Lord! such anoise was never heard
before. thought hurricane had struck the
house and the walls were caving in. Imagined
that was in the cellar and ton of coal was fall
ing on my head. Thought the machine had
burst, when the internal machine stopped, and
heard my wife e1claim:
Exquisite"
"What the deuce is the matter?"
The answer was
"Why, dear, that's La Somnabula.
"D-n Somnabula, thought 1; and the Count
rolled up his sheet of paper.
He calls it music, but for the life of me, cam
not make it look like anything else than rail
fence, with lot of juvenile niggers climbing over
it. Before that fool instrument of torture came
into the house could enjoy myself, but now
every darned woman in the neighborhood must
be invited to hear the new piano, and every time
it shrieks out like locomotive with the brOn-
chitis, have to praise its tone, and when the
invited guests are playing have to say "Exqui-
site" delightful" Heavenly" and all such
trash while at the same time l know just as much
about music as Goldfish There are more tun-
ing hammers than comfort in our house-and
wish the inventor Of the piano was troubled with
q perpetual nightmare, and obliged to sleep with
one Of his instruments all his life.
AS for myself, had rather put my head under
tin pan and be drummed to sleep with pair
of smoothing irons, than to hear g La Somnabu-
Ia, or any other La, thumped out on piano.
Scatter pennies before my house and call together
all the wandering minstrels Of the day-hand
organs, banjos, fddles tamborines, rafting bones
and fish horns. Let juvenile monkeys crawl in
at my windows in search Of three cent pieces,
let me be awakened at midnight by the cry of
murder, let the FIRE bells ring and go it generally
do all this will not complain; but Danish the
piano. Ny piano has got to 60. am going to
launch the internal machine out of the window
the first dark night, and, my friends, advise you
to sleep with cotton in your ears, for when she
gives her dying grunt you'll think you have fallen
out of bed, or fallen star has gone to roost on
your housetop. For the information of young
America, viii state that the pieces of brass
wire and ivory keys they are welcome to, but
the skeleton want for . refrigerator. Exchange.