Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1856-07-10
Duu1nrpus,

Not far from the city of Montgomery, in
the State Of Alabama, on one of the stage
roads running from that city, lives jolly =
landlord by the name of Ford. In fair wea-
ther or foul, in hard times or soft, Ford
would have his joke. It was bitter stormy
night or rather morning, about two hours
before daybreak, he was aroused from his
slumbers by loud shouting and knocks at his
door. He turned ont, but serely against
his will, and demanded what was the mat
ter. 1t was dark as tar and as he could
see no one, he cried out,
e'Who are you, there ~
s'Burder, and Yancy, and Elmorc from
Montgomery" was the answer, ''on our way
to Tuscaloosa to attend court. We are be-
nighted, and want to stay all night
Very sorry [ can't accommodate you SO
far, gentlemen. Do any thing to oblige
you, but that's impossible"
The lawyers, for they were three of the
smartest lawyers in the State, and all ready
to drop down with fatigue, held brief con-
sultation, and then, as they could do no bet
ter, and were too tired to 20 another step,
they asked, s-ss
s'Well, can't you stable our horses, and
give US chairs and good fire till morning?'
s'Oh yes, can do that, gentlemen
Our learned and legal friends were soon
drying their wet clothes by a bright fire,
as they composed themselves to pass the few
remaining hours in their chairs, doing ard
nodding, and now and then swearing word
or two of impatience as they waited till day
| light did appear
The longest night has morning, and at
last the sun came along, and then in due
time good breakfast made it's appearance
but to the surprise of the lawyers, who
thought the house was crowded with guests,
none but themselves sat down to partake.
"Why, Ford, thought your house was
so full you couldn't give US bed last night?''
said Burder.
Il didn't say so,' Ford replied.
''You didn't? what in the name of thun-
der, then, did you say?''
''You asked me to let you stay here all
night, and I said that would be impossible,
for the night vas nigh unto taco-tAi,ds gone
when you esamee. Il xau only wanted beds.
The lawyers had to give it up. Three of
them on one side, and the landlord alone
had beat them all.
Big words pass for sense with some peo-
pie, and sometimes may be very successful
ly employed when nothing else will answer
As when man, in great alarm, ran to his
master to tell him he could see spots on the
sun, and thought the world must be coming
to an end.
ooh, don't be afraid said the good min
lister, ''it's nothing but phantasmagoria. %
SIS that all?'' said the frightened man,
and went away quite relieved
A very smart lawyer in Wilmington, N.
Carolina, had the misfortune to lose suit
for client who had every reason to expect
success. The client. plain old farmer,
was astounded by the long bill of costs, and
Fastening to the lawyers office, said,
II thought you told me we should Ger
tainly gain that suit %
$50 [ did," answered the lawyer; sbut
you see when [ brought it up there before
the judges, they said it was quorum nea j.
dice"
"Well, if they said it was bad as that y
replied the old farmer, II don't wonder we
lost it, and he paid the costs and big fee
besides without another murrnur
Speaking of doctors reminds us of very
good thing that the celebrated Zimmerman
said to Frederick the Great. The king was
in his last illness, and one day said to his
physician, Zimmerman: ''You have, L pre-
sumo, in your day, helped many man in,
to the other world p
; This was rather bitter pill for the Doc
tor, but he gave dose in return when he
replied,
Not so many as your Majesty, nor with
so much honor to myself.
When an actor, named Woodward, first
played Sir John Brute, Garrick was induc-
ed, from curiosity, perhaps Jealousy, to 60
and hear him. A few days after, they met,
and Woodward said to Garrick,
"How did you like nay acting in that part,
[ thought I struck out some beauties in it?'
"And I think, said Garrick, ''that you
struck out all the beauties in it"
That was crusty old doctor, the famous
Abernethy, to whom a patient with the hy-
po very bad came, and describing his symp-
toms, said:
Il feel pain IN my side when put my
hand to my head
''Then, Sir" returned the doctor, twhy
in the name of common sense do you put
your hand to your head"
s'My DEAR" said a lively married lady to
her lord the other day, my dear, I hope
you have no objection to my being weighed%'
Certainly not; why do you ask me the
question %
only to see, my dear, if you would al
low me to have my reigh once"