Minnesota weekly times., 1856-11-15

On TRIP ont this way, thus answers some ques-
tions IN letter to the Saturday Evening Post:
The first question comes from Cambr;doenort
MASS. and reads as follow: ssWhich is the best
time for going West, the Spring or Autumn ?''
Zine pest time Tor going West is when YOU have
the most money about you, and the least fear of
losing it, II you come In the Spring, you are sure
to shake yourself to death with the aeue before
rali. II you come in the Fall, you may live until
oprilgs II you don't freeze to death before you
get there. IL you come at all, you had better get
your stomach lined with waterproof cement, so
as to be able to digest corn bread, bacon and
WHISKY; Tor this is all we have to eat, except a
rev French hogs, and bilious looking tadpoles.
which we catch when the river runs down.
second question-"What part of the West is
sns best TO- emigrste to- taking into consideration
the healthiness of the climate?''
variety of opinions about that. nv dear fell
low. Our Senator, Mr.. Douglas, saws Nebraska
10 tne best. So it is, if you want to 90 into the
stock business, raising an unruly kind of mixed
colored cattle, that will stray OF to Canada. in
spite OF the compromise Of 1850 or 1926. or
Senator Douglas. Or. if you want to speculate
Papooses, white scalps, and get your own
sTa,p .aken on scientifically, 60 to Nebraska, by
all means. II you want to play poker for living,
and set up whisky drinking for a business. live
on corn bread and bacon week days, and slippery
elm bark on Sundays, como to Illinois. II YOU
want 70 go where they have no SUNDAYS nor any
tnings TO eat, only what they brought from the
East, 60 to Iowa; or if you want to 20 to grass
on all iours, and DO as other kinds of cattle do,
60 to Salt Lake.
Ii you want to 60 where they receive the mail
annually, where they live on wild cranberries
crumbed in water from the Mississippi river.
wnere tnree wlgwams make o city and paper of
pins ana par OF Yankee soap merchant
90 to Minnesota.
Third queston-"Does the fever and ague pre-
vail much in Wisconsin ?''
VI course it does. Nobody out West is fool
enough to ask such question. - Every body
snahes; even the trees shake, you can't coax a
crao apple to stay on when it is good for anv
tning, 1t will shake man out of bed, kick him
OUT OF doors, and shake the bedstead at him till
he gives it up. '''- ~
tion hold good?"
That depends on circumstances. If YOU have
good rifle, and know how to use it, YOU have a
cnance TO ten that you may live until you starve
to death. But if you can't stand FIRE. and are
not good shot and quick one, take NV word
for it, you had better tarry in Jericho until your
Deard be grown; they are all too smart for you
In these woods.
Fifth question-ssIs the Land to be had in the
it good?" ''''N -
That's all fudge, got up by speculators to gull
some greenhorn like you or me, for to the best of
my knowledge and belief, Ohio was worn out ten
years ago. The whole business of the railroads
in warm weather, is to carry back persons who
have been fools enough to come West. All the
railroads are doing this winter is carving dirt
into Ohio out of Michigan to raise few beans
and oats, to keep the folks from starving to death
next summer.
AS to the land in the northwest of Ohio. it is
eighteen inches under water most of tho wear.
ana Will probably be worth 81 % per acre when
water snakes and copper heads bring as much
per barrel in the New York markets as potatoes
are worth per bushel in Alton.
ana lastly, ne wants reliable informaton-a
snort article IN your paper relating to the subject
and ne wants to go to healthy location, decent
land, and fair water. -
Exactly! Why my dear sir, there is no such
thing as reliable information out West, unless
you pay well Tor it. lawyer won't tell the truth
unless you give him $500, and then you can't be-
lieve half he says.
A witness won't tell the truth in court unless
you hrst scare him to death, and make him swear
he won't lie, and then neither himself nor any
body else knows whether he tells the truth or not.
On the whole, it you feel obliged by our ssshort
| article" SO DO l. Ii you want to 20 to healthy
land, stay at home, and don't be fool like nv
| sell ana come cut West. And as for decent land,
my dear fellow, what do you mean? You must
know that are our wild prairie is verv indecent.
especially when it is burnt over and left as naked
as it was born. 'Tis true, nature weaves a sort
| OF Leaf apron every summer, out of q coarse
kind of grass, but it soon gets burnt of, and is as
| indecent as ever.
As for fair water, we have none, it is all a
bilious compost of liquid mud, dead buffaloes,
fish and rotten rattlesnakes.
| Our common drink, when we can't get whisky.
| is one-third coffee, one-third prairie mud. and
tobacco juice.
Upon the whole, if you bave good water, and
can get half enough to eat, stay where you are.
Yours truly, w.