San Andreas independent., 1856-10-25
The Rhinoceros.
BY DOW, JR.

BY DOW, JR.
Ladies and gentlemen Of all shorned
cattle the rhinoceros stands at the head;
that is, if he can properly be termed cat
tie. Some call him the rhinossenkoss, but
Professor Winchell has very truly obser-
ved, he looks like rhinossencoac Where
ever we may class him however, we cannot
withhold from him the credit of being a
rouser in the second living degree-the
first being the elephant. He is usually
found not many rods from twelve feet long,
from the tip of the nose to the spot where
the tail is grated; from six to seven feet
high; and the circumference of his body is
an equal match for its length-which
makes the matter as broad as it is long
He has about as much bulk as the elephant;
but if it does not appear SO to the careless
eye, 1t is because he does not stand so high
in the world, in consequence of the brevity
of his legs-which are most remarkably
laconic
All the words, ladies and gentlemen, Of
which | am brigadier general, can convey
but rheumatic idea of this animal shape;
therefore, | shall not hazard description.
l shall only say that he looks as though he
might have been made of mud and, after
having been dried in sun, Nature rolled
out sort of pie crust of the same, and
slapped it upon his back for deviltry. His
snout is furnished with horn, Gas your
snouts are OCCASIONALLY very stiff, and
sometimes three and half feet long; but
for this, that part would come as near to
that of hogs as you could throw stone.
The next time you visit managerie,
where the creature has the honor of APP
pearing before you, you will not fail to no
tice the magnitude and the pliability Of
his upper lip, and remember the Ethio-
plans no more With it he collects all
his fodder, puts it in his mouth, and sends
on its dark journey, with all the grace and
ease of an accomplished gentleman in
drawing room. Miraculous are miracles
of nature! His ears are pointed-much
more SO than a common pulpit discourse;
and his eyes, though small, are more pier
cling than the fierce blasts of winter The
skin is destitute of hair, fur, wool, feathers,
down or bristles; in other words it is COW
cred all over with nothing, being shame
fully naked, rough, hobby, and lying up
on the body in folds, after very peculiar
fashions much unlike sheep folds as
possible
The two folds most remarkable are the
one above the shoulder and the other over
the rump; that Of the latter is worthy Of
particular notice. His hide is so hard and
thick as to turn the edge Of ridicule, and
resist canon ball, if fired from anything
like an unreasonable distance The belly
hangs disreputably low; the legs are short
as human life, strong as old cheese, and thick
as hasty pudding; and the hoofs are divi-
ded into three parts, each separate, and yet
joined in one, like the mysterious trinity
Such, ladies and gentlemen, is rough
outline Of an animal that appears chiefly
formidable from that awful horn projecting
from his snout; for terrible it is when he
exalts it in anger.
With it he is capable of giving the tiger
so high toss that one might sit and de-
liberate for half an hour after the fip-up,
as to whether it would come head or tail
on its regaining terra firma Not being
able to give the elephant a lift SO easily, he
drives his horn into the chest (not into the
trunk) of this monstrous creature, and life
soon ceases to vitalate in his stupendous
system. Indeed, there is no force which
his terrible animal has reason to appre-
lend, except it be steam locomotive un-
der extra excitement, and I doubt if he
could opprehend that. Defended, as he
IS, on every side, by hide impregnable to
he claws of the lion, and armed before
with weapon capable of giving satisfac-
ion to the most unsatisfied, he partakes Of
his fodder in the spirit Of '7G, and no fear
the healthy process of digestion
But his inner nature being lined with
smooth disposition, he never chooses the
but acts upon the defensive
never NEEDLES with others, but stands up
On his modest rights; and wo be to that
man, or any other beast, who shall under
take to dispute them!
ACCUSED OF SABBATH BREAKING
The London Punch is rather sarcastic in
its treatment of those who labor so perse-
veringlv to secure a Droper observance of