The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1856-12-05

LAGER BEER An IsroxIcArIso DRINK
nnsre seems @ b great excitement abroad IN
tne land about the merits Of lager beer q bsv-
sr.ge our friends of Porterfs Spirit Of the Times
puoliahed song, music and words, in it, honor
ana tnaf funny fellow. "Doestieks," has been
punlisniug to the world his own experience of Its
stne beersl practical use. We wonder whether
tnis remarkable fluid Is or is not intoxicating -
Hear 'Doesticks' on that pint:
| Scene-A Lager Beer Shop
Present-Doesticks and his friend Damphool.
and German maiden awaiting orders
| Damphool gave her feeble wink and said "zwei"
whereupon she brought us with her ownfsir hands
| TWO mugs Of the beverage known as Lager" and
$1,000 waiting with her own hands ON her hips
thought she wanted to enter into conversation, so
| Dyway OF making myself agreeable, winked, as
| Damphool had, and also said "zwef"-I thought
"zweI' was term of endearment She deserted
US Tor an instant, and came back with two mugs of
peer imagined that of course "zwei" meant
Darling, and that she had misunderstood me
attempted to explain in the manner following
"Awei. zwei," said l, mot more beer but zwei"
affer which lucid explanation, she vanished again
ana Drought two more mugs, at which Damphool
stopped laughing long enough to tell me that she
would keep bringing me pint doses of lager as
long as continued to remark "zwei." which he
informed me means two glasses of lager and be
| IN hurry about it, he also said the reason she
didn't go away when she had served us was be-
cause she wanted her change; paid her the money,
4
German, and began to drink
The first glass seemed like sour strong beer with
good deal Of water in 1t; the next was not quite
so sour, and the succeeding one tasted as if the
original beer had been stronger, and they had not
diluted it so much. Then we rested, and, as had
drank three pints already, / was willing to STOP
but Damphool assured me, Lager isn't intoxicat.
ing SO, after little settling down. thought could
hold another glass, and ordered it; it was trJu h
by young lady who seemed to have four eyes
and two noses, pointing in different directions
which unusual effect was undoubtedly caused by
smoke: Then thought I'd have glass of Lager,
liquid known to most of the inhabitants of Man.
haitian 1t was brought by girl 80 pretty, that
immediately ordered two more and Kept her wait
ing for the change each time so could look at her
then we had some cheese full of holes-then we
mad some Lager to fill up the holes-then we took
sausage was made of dog, we had some Lager
to drown the dog-shen we had some sardnes;
Damphool said it would be cruel to keep the fishes
without supply of the liquid element so we had
some Lager for the fishes to swim in-then we had
some brefzels, Damphool said the bretzels were so
crooked they would not pack close. so we had some
Lager to fill up the chinks-then made speech
to the company, short but very much to the point,
and received with applause-it was addressed to
the whole crowd and was to this effect "Gentle.
men, let's have some Lager"
By this time my friend had by some my ysterous
process become mysteriously multiplied and there
were fifty Damphools, and they all accepted the
invitation, and we had the Lager-there were
forty glasses and in trying to make the circuit of
the room touching my glass to every of theirs,
fell over table, which very mpertinen.ly, stop.
ped before me-and rs / went down knocked
small Dutchman into the corner, then fell over
him, then partially recovered myself and sat on
my head, and then got up and stepped On his
stomach, then demanded an instant apology
then called for six glasses of Lager, and when
the girl brought them all in one hand, I tried to
take them all in one hand but broke three-then
tried to drink out of the remaining three all ut
once and in so doing took an involuntary show
er bath-then l tried TO pay for the whole fifty
glasses, and the damage, with dime and Span
ish quarter, and demanded that he should give me
my change in gold dollars-there seemed to be
some little difficulty about this, and if hadn't
known that Lager isn't intoxicating, should have
thought the man was drunk-I was on the point
ling, when Damph ool came and ex planned the mat
ter. and his thick head at last comprehended that
was right
Little tambourine girl came along and wanted
deal of skill on crank outside-felt generous and
tried to put Damphool into the tambourine, under
the impression that he was half dollar-fnaliy
presented the little girl with nay compliments, two
cigars and penny, with which she went off sat
ieied
Then / thought I'd make love to . pretty girl
who had Just brought me glass of lager bever-
age prevalent in that vicinity, and which does not
possess any intoxicating power,) 80 pressed to
my heart for about two minutes what supposed
to be her petticoat until tried to kiss it, and got
my mouth full of wooen yarn-looked At pretty
giri with Indignation, and asked her what she
meant by such conduct-then had q mug of la ger,
q liquid which does not intOxcate, and which 10
much used by the German population
Doesticks, having described variety of queer
adventures, the result of his experients with the
lager, thus concludes:
; ] was finally captured by four Dutchmen, led on
by Damphool, who took me off the floor from be-
hind the piano, where was trying to pour beer
out of an E fiat bugle and was asking the base
dgum if it wouldn't have another mug. i was
supported by the whole strength Of the company
as far as the door, where Damphool took charge
of me. went along well enough, though why
desired to snuff all the gas with my fingers / don't
know, nor can tell what Induced me to make go
many Intellectual effort. 10 open the door with the
tail Of my coat instead of latch key, nor why
sezed upon my landlady's nightcap 10 light me to
bed with in place of night lamp; it couldn't have
been the lager, for that innocious beverage does
not intoxicate the partaker thereof. This sketch
of my performance is related to me by Dam
phooi as lost my memory Immediately after the
love episode with the waiter. Awoke next day at
noon, when my head felt like a patent windlass
with double gang of men at the crank I laid it
to the cheese, and made strong resolve to eat no
more cheese without taking plenty of lager beer
q medicinal preparation of 3 tonic and diuretic
character) to correct its i'll effects
ELoPEMENT.-From the larger cities of the
North, where heartless husbands are as plentiful
as black berries the rage for eopements in married
circles" has at length contaminated the fair soil
of Petersburg and taken off its first victim from
Plum street. James McCauy, we learn, man OF
,bo. ouy;fo for inns At