Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1856-08-21
EVENING STAR.
THE sUN-GLASs BURNER

mouse against Clarence Pitz Butter for hurn.
ing him with burning glass. Augustus Dor
mouse being sworn by the magistrate, deposed
| Time Of the alleged offense was about two
| o'clock, p. NJ on Tuesday afternoon Place.
shade of tree on the Neutral Ground De.
ponent was asleep; was oppressed by the sui
| triness of the weather, and wished for a little
repOse. Is in the habit of reposing in sultry
| weather-generally in the shade of a tree. il,
Canal or Rampant street. Finds the repose
conducive to his health. Prefers the street,
| on account Of the breeze. Is not disturbed by
| dreams. Was quite sound asleep when ae-
| cused came across him. Felt something sting
him behind-on the back, between the shoui.
ders. Had no jacket on. Shirt slightly torn. .
Sensation like bite of green head. Pain in.
creased till it felt like coal Of FIRE Screamed
and awoke. Saw accused draw back a burn
ing glass, and slip it in his pocket Could not
| be mistaken in accused. Identifies him now
by straw berry mark under the left ear
Complained to police, and caused him to be
arrested.
Oross-examined Does not consider himself
avagrant. Is of a political temperament, and
likes the green look of things Has no par
ticular residence. Does small chores for
living. Native of Indiana-of highly respec
table family. Can read, when 1t does not
hurt his eyes Yes, commonly hurts his ewes
| Has no grudge against accused. except for
| latter burning him Certain was burnt on the
back-between the shoulders Could not saw
| positively that the nape Of the neck was not
scorched some. Cannot see behind Firmly
believes accused entertained incendiary de-
signs.
Clarence Fitz Butter, quizzicaI looking
vagabond, who was much better dressed than
the plaintiff, and carried several stumps of
| cigars In hispocket very offensive TO the smell,
and an incOngruous assortment of burning
mostly spectacle glasses here begged the ma
gistrate to allow him to explain.
The magistrate granted the request OF the
prisoner.
60 L am a philosopher" observed Fitz But
ter, " and am peculiarly inclined to the in.
vestigation of light. have perused the works
of Herschel, Davy, Daguerre, Farsday, and
Draper Ny vest pocket is laboratory In il
L constantly keep a supply of sun-glasses. L
make it point to draw a focus as often as
possible. wish not to allow ray to pass
me. Every beam | subject to my glass Sir.
this is necessary with my theory of nature l
am Of the opinion that every thing in nature
is cOmbustible, or il is not combustible Com.
bustible- - non-combustible. With my illu-
mined foci L explore the hidden arcana of ma
ture. L carry the torch into her darkest lab
yrinths L apply match to her, aud she
reports, or she does not report L will give
your honor list of tho combustible objects in
nature-a list"
Il will not listen" said the magistrate.
What have yOu to observe relative to burn
ing Augustus Dormouse
This, 4" resumed Fitz Butter. - Accident
ally, encountered the prone body Of the in
divIdual responding TO the appellation Of Au-
gustus Dormcuse. Him L had never seen
before, and therefore not examined. Now was
the sleeper cOmbustible, or was he not Is
he-a SGtGmGndey, and can he stand fire
With the thought, instantly I produce my
sun-glass: His back is exposed. his shirt be-
ing torn between the shoulders / draw a
focus on the exposed skin. I lay tablets on
the grass, in readiness to record any impor-
tant and wonderful discovery I may make
But the sleeper stirs in his sleep-he is COM
bustlble he wakes, and stares with bestial
rage upon me-upon D,e-a philosopher! Nay,
more; he complains to the police he heaps
| upon me the disgrace of public exhibition
and penal trial. Punish the Vandal, mag
lstrate, to the utmost extent that the laws of
| the country and your official oath will per-
mit.'
policeman here, who was standing beside
| the prieOner, but glancing at the crowd of
spectators that usually throng the magistrates
court, rested his hand on the railing near
Fitz Butter. The latter availed himself of
strong glare Of light shining through the win
dow, took out sun-glass from his vest pock-
ct, and produced upon the policeman's hand a
small, brilliant, concentrated spot of light and
heat, which in few seconds Swinged the
aforesaid rattle-grasper like a drop of melted
lead
"Hello! whatre you a6Ont''' demanded
that enrsged and indignant functionary.
'YCu are a-cOmbustible - remarked the
| mOnO-ideal philosopher, with infinite cOmpla-
cency.
The policeman considered himself insulted
"You're another Dog my cats - replied
| the furious Charley, whom respect for the
court alone restrained from following the re-
/ elimination with q blow.
"Pshaw pshaw :" said the magistrate
| 90 this whole affair is extremely ridiculous.
Deprive Fitz Butter Of his sun-glasses and
| sir keep your light dark, or, in the event of
a second complaint against You, 1 shall send
you to prison"