Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1856-07-17
sTell the Captain I will call and adjust

ell the captain Will call ana auJuSL
matters after the House adjourns.
The gentleman replied every well, sir,
and left. Mr.. B. was of course as good as
his word. He called upon the Captain, re-
|deened the bill, and commenced series of
Enquiries in relation to the private history
Eof "Mr. Monroe, of Steuben." On inquir-
ing of the members, he was told that no
Esuch society as the s'Steuben Anti-Fanatic
Association was in existence, neither was
|there any such law spoken of as the Sunday
|statute referred to by Mr.. Monroe. Mr..
Bailey scratched his ear and said in an un-
der tone, ''Sold by thunder" Mr.. Bailey
Immediately repaired to the Police Office
and entered a complaint A warrant was
ISSUED for Mr. Monroe's arrest. It was
handed to officer Whalen, who found the
Secretary of the Steuben Anti-Fanatic Asso-
citation in Utica He brought him to town
on Thursday. Mr.. Monroe is now in Jail.
He will be tried for swindling at the next
County Court. Mr. Monroe resides short
distance from Rochester, and has already
served out two terms in the State Prison for
|swindling .-Albany Police TqJuue.
And after all this, how true it is that
"good thing" depends very much upon time
and place, and more than either on the man
who says it, for it's effect When the lion
roars, the beasts of the forest tremble and
when the lion condescends to laugh, the
beasts must split their sides. Reputation
for wit is worth as much at dinner as for
wealth on Change Selwyn's commonplaces
were received with wild applause; but they
would have fallen still-born from another.
But Sclwyn did rattle to some purpose be-
times. 1t was proposed to raise subscrip-
ton for Fox, and one of his friends observ-
ing that it would require some dclicacy,
asked how Fox would take it, s'Take it ?"
said Selwyn, "why, quarterly, to be sure"
And when namesake of this same Fox
was hung at Tyburn, Fox inquired of Sell
wyn if he attended the execution? s'No,"
replied Selwyn, Il make it point of never
going to se1earsozs"
But if any other than Selwyn had said
these, and score of other things, they
would not have been written and reprinted
aethe end of hundred years.
''IIave you heard that story about num-
Der 2sS?'' inquired the facetious Mr.. c.,
addressing his fun-loving neighbor B.
''No, [ have not, replied B., ''let me
have it."
''It is too gross" remarked c., hesitat-
ingly;,
ooh, never mind, 1 can stand; let me
have it by all means" eagerly exclaimed B.
81 tell you it is too gross
"All the better, it will just suit me; I
like such jokes; just shut the door there and
let me hear it,"
"Can't do that, for G.. stands there list
ening to hear me sell you"
"Well, if you're going to sell me, I should
like to know how you're going to do it.
Let's hear what your 2SS is that's too gross :"
''You have heard it twice already, replied
c., with grin. Itell you 2SS, being twice
IA, is two grocc."
ABsuRD1r1Es.-To attempt to borrow mo-
ncy on the plea of extreme poverty.
TO judge of peoples piety by their attcn-
dance at church.
To keep your clerks on miserable salaries
and wonder at their robbing you.
10 make your servants tell lies for you,
and afterwards be angry at them because
they lie for themselves
Never punish a child for being a romp,
but thank heaven who has given her health
to be one. It is better than a distorted
spine or hectic speech. Little girls ought
to be great romps-bettcr than paying doc
tor bills for them Where is the gymnasi-
um which should be attached to every school?
That's coming too, like other improvements
An indolent friend, says the Louisiana
ooeuier, inquiries why, in writing, dot
MY not pass for an esp without further
4 T.