Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1856-12-12
q Storg tor Bpnne gHaies,
SALLY sly AND JANE McKEARN.
HUMOROUS REPORT on BUTTER.

HneF's Monthly Visitor. Thero is goo
moral conveyed in it told with a rich vel
of humor that is capital. 1t rs from tn
pen of S. Little, of the NerEimac IN, H,
Agricultural Society
The benefcence Of cur Creator is mani
Tested in so disposing our tastes, and 50 ad
apting these to the varieties with which W
are surrounded, as not toInake life a burden
Hmight have been that necessary food woul,
have been noisome, as it sometimes is to tn,
diseased stomach, had il not pleased tn,
Creator to have. ordered it otherwise
Bread IS the staff of dife, batter is given t
make it slip down easier, and with bette
relish. But it depends something on WIZ
makes the butter, whether it answers thi
purpose. Butter made in Joe Bunker.
house, needs to be eaten 10 the dark; tIer
to make It pass well, one or two other sen
ses should Be laid aside-while that made
by his neighbor may be eaten in the ful
blaze of noon; you would wish that youl
neck was as long again that you might
have the pleasurable sensation of swallow.
ing prolonged.
Toe's wife was Sally Sly-when small
girl she was sly-she would not half wash
the milk pail, but sly it away and let il
sour. She was sly at school, and did not
half get her lessons, but would have her
books in sight when reciting, but as she
grew older, she learned that to get well
married she must appear we'll, and so she
bent allher cunning to get superficial edu-
cation in everything, from roasting potato
to playing the piano. Poor Joe fell in love
with her, and s4oye has no eyes so marri-
ed her. Bnt soon after he entered on house
keeping his eyesight came, and he saw his
fix, that was sfor better or worse and he
thought it was all for worse. Like a true
philosopher, he concluded to endure what
he couldnot avoid or cure, and got along toll
cradle well, only when he came to her but
ter, for his mother was real butter maker
Every time he saw or tasted Sally's butter,
he felt the horrors. Her manner of ma
king butter was somewhat as follows.
s She thinks it of no consequence whether
the milk pail is sweet or rsour-sets the mix
in a warm room because it is easier than to
20 into the cellar, and if some dirt should
blow into the pans she thinks every man
must ''eat peck Of dirt" and in no place
viii it slip down easier than in butter-she
lets the cream pots be open, and when she
churns forgets the poke; leaves the cream
at blood heat that it may come quick.
When she takes it out of the churn, she
picks out the bodies. of flies andspiders; the
legs and wings arc so small they can be
swallowed. She works out half the butter
milk and sets it away. Poor Joe has seen
60 much of this kind that he declares that
butter does not agree with his health and
viii not taste it. Yet his wife wonders why
he does not try it, and marvels that he does
moi keep dairy and make for the market.
Jonathan was a younger brother than
Joe, and he had occasion to eat at his broth
rsenough TO know why he did not eat
butter; and he declared he never would
marry without knowing which side Of his
bread was buttered. Following the bent
of his fancy, Julia Jumper almost caught him
for there was always good butter on the
the table for tea, and he was determined to
know who made it. On inquiry, she says:
aLs mel mother makes the butter; l take
lessons on the piano"
GWell," says Jonathan 1 want a wife that
takes lessons on tho churn. > l shall look
further.
After several Unsuccessful attempts, and
Just ready to despair, he started in pursuit
of stray cattle before breakfast, and wand
cred through the forest, in the next town,
weary aud hungry, called at decent look
ing house and asked for refreshments, which |
were cordially granted for the family were
what are called Scotch Irish-in religion, |
Presbyterisn, and in hospitality, boundless.
Here he found the butter exactly right;
though the weather was hot, the butter
kept the shape as well as the beeSwax. He
catechised tho old lady about her house-
wifery, for the bread was as right as the |
butter. The old lady said her health wa;
feeble=-she could do but little, and Jenny
had the whole management. He made
some round about inquiries concerning Jenny
and heard that she was a hearty black-eycd |
lasSsof two and twenty; she had never seen
a piano, OF attended ball, but knew the
assembly's catachism, and would.sihg Oli !
Hundred to a charm, spin flax and darn
and was then gone to town with
butter He fingered, but she was delayed
and WHOM his excuse for staying was ex-
hausted, ne started. He could not get the
butter out of bis mind, and how it. happen
ed know not he soon found his way there
again, and the result of his adventure was,
be made wife Of Jenny McKeam. And
now one lump of his butter is worth more
than all Joe's wife would make in a mouth
There is no trouble in going to market
the keepers of the genteel boarding houses
iuthe sneighboring villages send and take it
at the highest market price.
Now the main difference between those
two women arises from the manner of train
5ng, though there is re difference in natural
dispositions-Old Madam Sly never looked
on to sec that Sally did right. But suffer-
ed her TO do off her work as she chose; and
andthough a good housekeeper herself, was
altogether too indulgent, and, like some
Others, thought more of getting Sally well
married, than of making her fit for wife;
.whhe oIdMadam McKearn was determined
jenny should be fit for any mans wife,
whether she-g got married or not. Perhaps
thereis nofnore certain criterion bv which