The weekly American banner. (Yazoo City, Miss.) 1855-18??, 1856-05-02
A Wife an Ecstacy and q Husband
i'm u Eidget.

: esst
The deed is accomplished. My wife has got
piano, 'and now farewell the tranquil mind
farewell content and the evening papers, and the
big cigars that made ambition virtue-oh, fare
well!-and oh, ye mortal engines, whose rude
lhroats the immortal Jove's dread clamors coun-
terfeit;" but stopI l can't bid them farewell, for
one of them has just arrived. 1t came on dray.
Six men carried il into the parlor, and it grunted
awfuly. 1t weighed o ton, shines like q mirror,
and has carved Cupids climbing up its limbs. And
such lungs-whewl My wife has. commenced to
practice, and the ,filst time she touched the ma
chine, | thought we were in the midst of a thun-
der storm, and the lightning had struck the crock
cry chests, The cat, with tail erect, took bee
line for particular FREUD upon the back fence,
de nolishing six shilling pane of glass. !. sThe
baby awoke and the little fellow tried his best tc
beat the instrumeut, but he didn't do it.. It beat
him. A teacher has been introduced into, the
house. He says he is the last of Napoleon's grand
| army. He wears huge fnoustache, looks at me
iercelv, smells of garlic Count Runaway and
never-came- back again-by. He played an, exact
through his hair twice, then grinncd, then be cock
ed his eye up at the ceiling, like a monkey hunt
ing flies, then down came one of his fingers, and
heard delightful sound similar to that producef
by cockroach dancing upon the tenor string
of fiddle. Down came another finger, and I
was reminded of the wind whistling through a
knot-hole in hen coop. He touched his thumb,
and thought was in an orchard listening, to
the distant brayng of a jackass. Now, he rau
his fingers along the keys, and / thought of boy
rafting stick upon picket fence. All of
sudden he stopped and thought something had
| happened. Then down came both fists, and oh,
Lord! such a noise was never heard before.
thought hurricane had struck the house, and the
walls were caving in. | imagined was in the
cellar, and ton of coal falling upon my head. I
i thought the machine had burst, when the internal
i noise stopped, and | heard my wife ejaculate-
j .Exquisiter eWiat the deuce is the inatterg,
The answer was, 'sWhy, deaf that's La Som
nambulaw 'D--n Somnambuias' thought I; and
the Count rolled up bis sheet of papers He calls
it music; but for the life of me, l can't make it
look like anything else than,a rail fence, with !
lot of juvenile niggers climbing over it. Before
that instrument came into the house, I could en-
s joy myself, but now every darned woman in the
neghborhood must be invited to hear the new
piano. and every time the blasted thing shrek;
ont, like locomotive with the bronchitis I haYs
to praise its tone, and when the invited guests ars
playing have to say 'Exquiste!' .Delightful!'
} Heavenly. and all such trash, while at the Same
time, know just as much about music as blind
Goldfish. There are more tuning hammers than
comforts in our house, and--and wish the Invent
or OF the piano was troubled with the nightmare,
4 and obliged to sleep in Of his instruments all
his life. AS for myself, had rather put my head
under a tin pan and be drummed to sleep with a
pair of smoothing irons than La Somnambpla,'
or any other La thumped out piano.. Scatter
pennies in front of my house, and draw ltogefaer
all the wandering mnstrels in the city, band Or
gans, banjos, fdlles, tambourines, rafting bones
and fish horns. Let juvenile monkeys crawl In at
my window in search OF three cent pieces-let me
|, be awakened at midnight by the cry Of murderl
8 ring the fire bells and have devil Of "a time
generalv-lo all this, andI win not complain:
but Danish pianos! My piano has got to go,
am going TO launch the internal machine out Of
the window the very first dark night, and My
friends, advise you to sleep with cotton in your
ears, for when she gives her dying grunt you'll
think you've falleu out of bed or fallen star has
gone to roost upon your house tops For thein
formation of Young America, / viii state that al
the pieces of brass, wire and ivory keys they arr
welcome to, bat the skeleton want for q refrige
rator.