Daily American organ., 1856-04-05
wife in Ecstacy-Husband in Fidgets.

WI the lass lo'e best
And the bonnie blue ee.
wife In Ecstacy-H Husband in Fidgets.
The deed is accomplished. My wife has got
piano, and nov farewell the tranquil mind-fare-
wen content and the evening papers and the big
cigars, that make ambition virtue--oh, farewell
And OH We mortal engines, whose rude throats the
immortal Joves dead clamors counterfeit but
STOP / can't bid them farewell, for one of them
has just arrived 1t came on dray. Six men
carried 1t into the paror and it grunted awfnlly.
It weighs a ton, shines like mirror, and has
carved Cupids climbing up its limbs. And such
lungs-whewl Ny wife has commenced to prac-
tce, and the first time she touched the machine
thought we were in the midst of thunder storm,
and the lightning had struck the crockery chests.
The cat, with tail erect, took bee line for par.
tcular friend on the back fence, demolishing six
shilling pane of glass. The baby awoke, and the
little fellow tried his best to beat the instrument
but he didn't do tit beat him.
teacher has been introduced into the house.
he says he is the last of Napoleon's grand army.
He wears huge moustache, looks at me fercely,
smells Of garlic, and goes by the name of Count
Run away and never come hack.again-by. He
played an extract de opera the other night. He
ran his fingers through his hair twice. then grinned,
then he cooked his eyes up at the ceiling, like a
monkey hunting flies, then down came one of his
fingers, and heard delightful sound; similar>to
that produced by cockroach dancing upon the
tenor string Of fiddle. Down came another fin.
ger, and | was reminded of the wind whistling
through knot hole in hen coop. He touch his
thumb, and thought was in an orchard listen
ing to tho distant Drawing of jackass. Now he
ran his fingers along the keys, and thought of
boy rafting stick upon picket fence. All of
sudden he stopped, and thought something had
happened. Then down came both fists, and oh,
Lord such noise was never heard before.
Thought hurricane had struck the house, and
the walls were caving in. / imagined Twas in the
cellar, and a ton of coal was falling upon my head
i thought the machine had burst, when the infer
nal uoise stopped, and heard my wife calculate:
"Exquistel"
"What the deuce is the matter ?"
The answer was
"Why, dear that's La Somnambula!" I"
"D---n Somnambula!" thought i; and the
Count rolled up his sheet of paper He calls it
music but for the life of me, can't make it look
like anything else than a rail fence with lot Of
Juvenile niggers climbing over it. Before that in
strument OF torture came into the house, / could
enjoy myself, but now every learned woman in the
neighborhood must be invited to hear the new
piano, and every time the blasted thing shrieked
out, like locomotive with the bronchitis, have
Co praise its tone, and when the invited guests are
playing have to say, Exquisite ~ " delightful"
"heavenly" |" and all such trash, while at the same
time. | know just as much about music as a blind
Goldfish. There are more tuning hammers than
comforts in our house. and--and wish the inven-
Cor of the piano was troubled with perpetual
nightmare, and obliged to sleep In one of his in
struments all his life. ~,
As for myself, had rather put my head under
tin pan and be drummed to sleep with pair of
shooting irons than hear La Somnambua,n or
any other La thumped out of piano. Scatter
pennies in front of my house, and draw together
all the wandering minstrels in the city--hand or
gans, banjos, fddles, tamborines, rattlng bones,
and fish horns. Let juvenile monkeys crawl in at
my windows in search of three cent pieces-let
me be awakened at midnight by the cry of "mur-
der"--ring the fire bells and have devil of a
time generally--do all this, and will not CON-
plain but Danish the pianos Mine has got to GO
| am going to launch the Internal machine out of
the window the first dark night and, my friends, I
advise you to sleep with cotton in your ears, or
when she gives her dying grunt you'll think you've
fallen out OF bed fallen star has gone to roost
upon your housetop. For the information of sYoung
America," will state that all the pieces of brass
wire and ivory keys they are welcome to, but the
skeleton want for refrigerator.
RELIGIOUS RIFLEs.-We understand that the
R-d H-y W-d B-cher, in giving out the
morning hymn last Sunday in his church in Brook
lyn, to the great horror of his congregation began
thus:
Come holy rifle,
Heavenly arm,
With all thy sharpset powers.
The reverend gentleman Immediately discovered
the blunder he had made, by the amazed look of his
flock, and attempted to recover himself by saying,
"Let us sing in the praise Of Sharp's rifle" He
stopped again, and at last succeeded in collecting
hs thoughts so that he could go on with the reg.
ular services of the day; but in the course of his
sermon, when about to urge his hearers to FIX their
thoughts things above, he said fix your bayo-
nets" but directly mended his discourse, and went
on very well to the close after which he informed
his people that he had pledged his church, at
meeting in New Haven, for twenty-seven Sharp's
rifles to arm the Kansas emigrants with, to enable
them TO shoot Missourians, and he hoped that the
members Of his congregation would subscribe the
needful before they went out-Neg York Snnday
Courier.
A Cold Greeting.
Good mawnin, nigga" said curled up, shiv-
ering darkey, as he encountered halffrozen
kued' Acquaintance in the street.
<" Don't, don't call dis good mawnin, retorted
the latter " dis is de wus mawnin eber encount-
ed in all my trsbels. Wot you tink is de cause OBJ
dis extraordinary spell OBJ wedderf"
:" can't 'splain it on any Philosophical princ-
niles hah ahnut ms iuaf now hut heard wh;to