The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1856-04-11
A WIFE IN EXTACY AND A HUSBAND
in F1DGETS.

I'm FlDOE ..
The deed is accomplished. My wife has
got piano, land now farewell the tranquil
mind-farewell content and the ev.ning pa
pers and the big cigars that make ambition
virtue oh, farewell! And oh! y mortal
engines, whose rude throats the immortal
Jove's dread clamors counterfeit" but stop,
can't bid them farewell, for one of them has
just come. II came on a dray. Six men
carried it into the parlor, and it grunted aw.
fully. 1t weighs ton, shines like mirror,
and has carved Cupids climbing up its limbs.
And such lungs-whew! My wife has com.
menced to practice, and the first time she
touched the machine, | thought we were in
the midst of thunder storm, and the light.
ming had struck the crockery chests. The
eat, with tail erect took bee line for par.
ticular friend upon the back fence, demolish.
ing six shilling pane of .glasa. The baby
awoke, and the little fellow tried his best to
beat the instrument, but he didl't do it. II
beat him. A teacher has been introduced
into the house. He says he is The last of
Napoleon's grand army. He wears a huge
mustache, looks at me fiercely, smells of gar
lie, md goes by the name of Count Run.
away-never-Come- back. .again-by. He played
an extract de Opera the other night. He
runs his fingers through his hair twice, then
grinned, then he cooked his eyes up at the
ceiling Ike monkey hunting flies. then
down came one Of his fingers, and l heard
delightful sound, similar TO that produced by
cockroach dancing upon the tenor string of
fiddle. Down came another finger, and
was reminded OF the wind whistling through
a knot hole in hen COOP. He touched his
thumb, and thought was in peach-orch.
ard listening to the distant braying of jack
ass. Now, he ran his fingers along the keys,
and thought of boy ratting stick upon
a picket fence. All of sudden he stopped,
and thought something had happened-
Then came down both fists, and oh, Lord!
such noise was never heard before. !
thought hurricane had struck the house,
and the walls were caving in. Imagined !
was in the cellar, and ton of coal falling
upon my head. thought the machine had
burst, when the internal noise stopped, and
l heard my wife ejaculate:
"Exquisite! What the duce is the matter!"
The answer was
"Why, dear, that's La Somnambula."
"D-n Samnombula! thought !; and
the Count rolled up his sheet of paper.
He calls it music, but for the life Of me, |
can't make it look like anything else than n
rail fence with lot OF juvenile. niggers
climbing nvsr IL. Befnro that iass-....s OF
torture came into the house, could enjoy
myself, but now every darned woman in the
neghborhood must be invited to hear the new
piano, and every time the blasted thing
shrieks out, like locomotive with the bron-
chitis, l have to praise its tone, and when
the invited guests are playing have to say,
"Exquisite!" "Delightful!" "HeavenB!" and
all such trash, while, at the sametime know
just us much about music as cadish.-
There are more tuning hammers than com.
forts in our house, and-and ] wish the in
ventor of the piano was troubled with per-
petual nightmare, and obliged to sleep in one
of his instruments all his life. As for my
SELF had rather put my head under tin
pan and be drummed to sleep with pair of
smoothing irons than hear "La Samntmbula,"
or any other La thumped out Of liano.-
Scatter pennies in front Of my house, and
draw together all the wandering ninistrels
in the city-hand organs, banjos, fddles,
tamborines, rattling bones and fish lorns.--
Let juvenile monkeys crawl in at tie win
dows in search of three cent pieces, let me
be awakened at midnight by the cry pf "mur-
der!"-ring the fire bells and have a devil OF
time gcnerally-do all this, and l will not
complain; but Danish the pianos! My piano
has got to 60. am going to launch the
internal machine ou. of the window the first
dark night, and, my friends, advise you to
sleep with cotton in your ears, or when she
gives her dying grunt you'll think you've fall
len out of bed, or fallen star has gone to
roo ost on your housetop. Fer the informa-
ton of"Young America,"I | will state that
all the pieces of brass wire and ivory keys
thew are welcome to but the skeleton / want
for refrigerator.