Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1856-05-07
VOL. xxI.---NO. ~.

FfouoJs
4 treasure Of a son-Has money in the.
funds. ).
A treasure of daughter--Looks the
same age as her mother-if anything, q triae
older.
A treasure Of servant---Runs to the post
in less than half an hour.
A treasure of cook--Is not bysterical
whenever there is company to dinner.
A treasure of p baby-Doesn't disturb, its
dear papa in the middle Of the night.
"PAPA, have Mr.. Jones eyes got feets"
Why, my sons" Because | heard mother
say that at party the other evening Mr..
Jones's eyes followed her all over the room."
MaRR. THAN A MATcH..A Scotch far,
mer, celebrated in his neighbourhood for his
immense strength and skill in the athletic
exercises, very frequently had the pleasure
of fighting people who came to try if they
could settle him or not. Lord D., great
pugilistic amateur, had come from London
on purpose to fight the athletic Scot. The
latter was walking in an enclosure, at little
distance from his house, when the noble
Lord arrived. His lurdship tied bis horse to
a tree and addressed the farmer:
"Friend, | have heard d great deal of talk
about you, and I have come long way to
see which Of us is the best wrestler"
The Scotchmap, without answering, seized
the nobleman by the middle Of the body,
pitched him over the hedge, and then SET
about working. When his lordship bad got
himself fairly picked up
"Well," said the farmer. have you any.
thing more to say to me"
"No," replied his lordsbip; but perhaps
you'd be SO good as as f. f. threw !h me ny horse'
The SAILORS REToRT.--:A sailor was
called Upon the stand as witness.
"Well, sir" said tie lawyer, "de you
know the plaintiff and defendant2"
"I don't know the drift Of them words"
ans~eied the sailor, ''''
What! not know the meaning of plain.
tiff and defendant continued the lawyeri
"a pretty fellow you. to come here as 9
witness Can yoh tell me where on board
the ship it was that man struck the other,
onel"
"Abaft the binnacle," said the sailor,
"Abaft the binnacle," said the lawyer;
what do you mean by that 7" ..:.ss!',,
:" !" A pretty fellow you," responded thu 5.
sailor, " come here as lawyer, and don't
know what abaft the pinnacle means"
THE GERMAN FOE PLATE" Good gra.
cious, Anna. what is the German for plates%,
Teller" replied, leaning over the stair.
"Tell her whata" returned my aunt, not
supposing that she had heard Alright.
"Teller," answered back at the top my
voice.
"How can I tell her, unless you tell me
what to tell her ?" she retorted in tone that
betokened she was gradually becoming hea.
ted, and, indeed, the weather aoas sultry.
Cant you hear Pe tell. you to tell her
teller7'
"1'hat's just what l want to do: but how
can tell her unless know rhat to tell her 2"
| was laughing so heartily that could
only SHOUT Sopt, ".Tell her, teller" But
fearing that my aunt might become exas;
perated, ran down stairs, and for her edi.
ication uttered the magic word. or course,
the desired plate was produced, to her great
amazement; but she good naturedly joined
in my unrepressed Observation-Disclosures:
ply Of an Actress.
A GRAMMATICAL PUrrI.-A Sehoolndas;
ter, after giving one Of his scholars sound
drabbing for speaking had grammar, sent
him to the other end of the room to inform
another boy that be wished to speak to him,
and, at the same time, promising to repeat
the dose If he spoke to him ungrammatically.
The youugster, quite satisfied with what
he had got, determined to be exact, and thus
addressed his fellow pupil
FThers is common substantive, of Tie
masculine gender, singular number, nomina.
tive case, and in an angry mood, that sits
perched upon the eminence at the other side
of the room, wishes't9 articuate few sem.
tences to you ID the present tenss.' .>"'
SOME NosE.--The following incident ire
had from friend who knows the party;
Deacon Comstock, of Hartford, Connect:
cut is we'll known as being provided with an
enormous handle to his countenance. in the
shape Of 9 huge nose in fact, it is remarka..
bic for its great length: On late occasion,
when taking up collection iRni lths church
to which the deacon belongs, as be passed
through the congregation every person to
whom he presented the bag seemed to be
possessed by sudden and uncomfortable
desire to laugh: The deacon did not know
what to make of it. He had often passed
round before, but no such effects as these
had he ever before witnessed. The deacon
was fairly puzzled.. The secret," hoiwsefer.
leaked out. He had been afflicted for da3
or two with slight sore on his nasal up.
pendage, and had placed a small plece 6f
sticking plaster overit. During the morning
Of the day referred to, the plaster had droa
ped off, and the deacon seeing i, al; Ee SUP.
posed, on the floor, picked it Up and stuck
il on again. But alas for men who sottiet.
times make unfortunate mistakes, be picked
up instead of it, one Of those little rodnd
pieces Of paper WHICH tie manufacturers ot
spool cottol'paste on the end of every spool,
and which reads as follows; Warranted I'd
hold out 200 yards" Such sign on such !
nose, was enough to upset the gravity Of
even puritan congregation, and the laugh:
ing we think justi6sble. '.'''
EXTENDING THE FME.-The Wesleyan
ro,Eos,n,o %, l.k. ,.tx:., :-i ~. ..y