The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1856-01-24
Gnnorons 9torp.
A Quaker Jumping a Ditch.

enware, clothes-and all sorts Of liquors.
We like the QuakerS, in deed as well as in
name, and llezekiah was Hickory Qua
ker He was somewhat of an old bache-
lor, and had a sister that was somewhat Of
an old maid But she was the best crea-
ture alive Straight as candle, blooming
i as a rose, and smiling as charity. Her
name was Dorcas.
Hezckiah and Dorcas walked one Sun
day afternoon, in the blooming month Of
May, to breathe the fresh air, and view the
meadows. The walking was smooth and
delightful, with no manner of distractions,
except here and there ditch full of wa.
ter, spanned by a few hedges, and too wide
for man of ordinary Jumping capacity tc
cross at single bound. But Hezekiah
valued himself, as fat people commonly
do, on his agility, and instead of walking
few rods for the sake of a bridge, he
must neends leap every ditch he came to-
'Thee'd better not try that, Hezekiah,
said the kind and considcrate sister.
Never thee mind, Dorcas, replied
Hezekiah +; there's no danger; I've jump
ed bigger ditch when l wasn't half my
present size
All that's very likely, but recollect
theo's grown exceedingly pussy since thee
was young man.
Pussy Well, if l have that's nc
reason why l shouldn't be as before;
tell thee, Dorcas, can jump this ditch
without as much as touching a finger
AYE, but theell touch thy feet to the
bottom
'Thee's but a woman, Dorcas, and thy
fears magnify this ditch even to river
Now stand thee aside that | may have q
sweep, according to my Abilities
Nay, brother Hezekiah, thee'd better
not. The ditch it wide and the bottom
muddy-and thec'Il assurdly spoil thy
Sunday clothes, if no worse
'Oh, fudge for your fears, girl; the!
shall not stay me a jot. Nay, do not hole
me, for l am resolved to jump this ditch
if it were merely to convince thee of my
agility
Accordingly, IIezekiah went back few
yards, in order that he might have fail
run, and that the impulse thereof nigh
carry him over. Having retracted ia
enough, he came forward with momen
tum proportioned to his weight and We
locity-aud found himself to the ditch
The water splashed around on all sides
and bespotted the Sunday clothes of Dor
cas-, who could not, with all her Quake
sobriety and kind feeling, help bursting
into loud laugh There was HezekiaI
showing his agility, and houndering in til
mud like a whale The water was not S
deep as to be dangerous, and the scene wa
too irresistibly comic for even saint
abstain from laughing, the though on til
Lords day.
AT length, when her risibility would a
low her power of speech, Dorcas kindl
held out her hand, and said: Con
hithcr, Hezckiah, and Ill help thee out
'Well, well, retuned the founderer, in
tone of vexation-' thee does well, Do
cas-, to stand there and laugh at me-
though it were mere sport to see me site
d in the mud and water up to my very mic
die =
NAY, nay, Hezekiah, thee has show
thy agility SO marvellouslY that l cou
not help being pleased for the life of me-
;. and now | take to shame myself for opp
i sing thee so strenuously, or having dou
ted thy capacity for Jumping. But thee
satisfied with thy exploit, and ready
% come forth, | Twill lend thee a hand to he
thee out
" Thus saying, Dorcas drew near tt
ditch, but Hezekiah having got himself
is by his unaided power, declared he wou
IS get himself out in the same way. But t
o mud was deep and adhesive ; and as
got one foot ous he got the other in; al
thus he continued to labor and plunge
% % he was satisfied his own ability was b'
ter calculated to help him in than to he
him out of the ditch He grew wrol
and SO far forgot the plain language II
IS he exclaimed, BY
IS Don't thee swear, brother Hezeka
= Interrupted Dorcas.
l. Swear ? roared Hezekiah, 'thee
t. swear too if thee was in here :
y Swear not at all, Hezekiah. but ev
:; lend me thine hand, and III use my alb
le ty to pull thee out, according to the scr
he ture, which sayeth--lf thine OK or tn
in ass fall into a ditch on the Sabbath day
IS; Now, sister Dorcas, thee is too bad
" Il IL - zlo,lJ ,,ot Y,obo mo en- ha