Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1856-05-15

thumb, and I thought was in peach Or
chard, listening to the braying Of jackass.
Now he run his fingers along the keys, and
| thought Of boy rafting a stick upon a
picket fence. All of a sudden he stopped,
and [ thought something had happened
Then came down both fists, and such noise
was never heard before. I thought hur-
ricane had struck the house and the walls
were caving in. [ imagined I was in the
cellar and ton of coal falling on my head.
[ thought the machine had burst, when the
miserable thing stopped and I heard my
wife exclaim
Exquisite %
s:What The deuce is the matter %
The answer was
"Why, dear, that's La Somnambula.
"Oh, my heart ?'-and the Count rolled
up his sheet of paper.
He calls it music, but for the life Of me [
can't make it look like anything else than a
rail fence, with lot of juvenile niggers
climbing over it. Before that instrument
Of torture came into the house I could en-
joy myself but now every woman in the
neighborhood, must be invited to hear the
new piano, and every time the blasted thing
shrieks out like a locomotive with the bron-
chitis, have to praise it's tone, and when
the invited guests are playing have to say,
Exquisite !'' ''Delightful!'' "Heaven-
Typ and all such trash, while at the same
time, know Just about as much about mu-
sic as goldfish There are more tuning
hammers than comfort in our house, and
and [ wish the inventor of the piano was
troubled with perpetual nightmare, and
obliged to sleep in one of his instruments all
his life.
AS for myself, I had rather put my head
under tin pan, and be drummed to sleep
with pair of smoothing irons, than hear
ella Somnambula," OR any other La thump-
ed out of piano. Scatter pennies in front
Of my house, and draw together all the wan
dering minstrels in the city-hand organs,
banjos, fddles, tamborines, rafting bones
and fish horns, let juvenile monkeys crawl
in at my windows in search Of three cent
pieces, let me be awakeded at midnight, by
the cry of ''murder..' ring the fire bells and
and have terrible time general ly-do all
this, and will not complain; but Danish
the pianos. My piano has got to go. I
am going to launch the thing out of the win
dow the first dark night, and, my friends,
advise you to sleep with cotton in your
ears, for when she gives her dying grunt,
you'll think you've fallen out of bed, or a
fallen star has gone to roost on your house
top. For the information of Young Amer
lea, will state that the pieces Of brass wire
and ivory keys they are welcome to, but
the skeleton [ want for a refrigerator.
Exchange.
GooD ADVICE The following excellent
advice from a late number of the London
Comic Times, should be borne in mind:
If you have rich aunt, don't talk to her
about billiards and brandy and water.
If you intend to do thing, don't change
your mind and if you possess ten pound
note, don't change that If you happen to
say something in society which causes a
painful sensation, you had better go out for
walk for five minutes.
Should you be talking to thin lady, of
another thin lady, you needn't describe the
|party alluded to as 'scraggy old maid"
If you require person to become secur-
ity for you, don't ask the man who promis-
ed he would do anything for you, when he
knew that you didn't want anything done.
If you happen to know an author, don't
own it !; one half of the world, won't believe
you, and the other half won't think much
of it, if they do.
| Don't say you never take suppers excep-
ting where you know they never give any.
Don't tell mother of the faults of her
favorite child
If you wish to sleep quietly, don't praise
another woman while your wife is undress-
ing to get into bed.