Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1856-08-09
W3g AND 3U8GB2.

stroke the fur the rlgnt way TOT yeaIs,a"o
hear nothing but purring but accidenly
tread on the tail, and all memory OF for
mer kindness is obiterated.
A doctor has recently got up remedy
for hard times. 1t consists Of ten hours
hard labor, well worked in. Loafers don't
like il, and call it quack medicine.
An indolent friend, says The Louisiana
Courier, inquiries why, in writing, dot
may not pass for an "i'' without further
trouble. He is relative Of Jack Hole,
whose signature was a letter j. and hole
punched in the paper with the pen. He
admires the man who spells Tennessee
ihus--l0 a C.
Solomon asks, "How can one be warm
alone ?" Could king Davld's son"
have looked down from splrit-land into
our little sanctum, the other MONDAY,
when the mercury was several degrees
higher than ninety, he would have seen
how the thing might be accomplished.
The great query with us was, how one
could be cool, either alone or otherwise,
in place nearly as hot as furnace sew
en- times heated.
"Pa, wha, does the printer live on !!
"Why do you ask such question as
that 2"
"Because you have been taking the pa
per for seven years and never paid him
cent
"Jane smack that child"
Sensible, amiable, and conscientious
young ladies, of very gentle disposition,
are invariably fond of reading newsPa-
pers This sort make the bosi wives.
Remember this, young men.
A few davs since, barber offered re-
ward of $50 for the best recipe for "in-
s,antly removing superfluOus hair" A.
mong the answers, was one forwarded by
gentleman in Kingston. We give it:
"Undertake TO kiss 4 woman against her
will"
A man in Wisconsin, who recently in
serted long advertisement in the papers
Offering his farm for sale closed in the
following style "The surrounding cOun-
try s the most beautiful The God of ma
ture ever made. The scenery is celes-
tial, divine also two wagons to sell, and
yoke of steers"
She that marries a man because he is
"good match" must not be surprised
! if he turns out "a Lucifer."
SENDING "a CLUB. Tommy, my
son, what are you going TO do with that
club p
Send il TO the editor Of course
But what are you going 10 send 1t TO
the editor for 2
Cause he says if any body will send
him club he will send them copy OF
his paper
The mother came pretty near fainiing,
but retained consciousness enough TO ask /:
'Bv, Tommy. dear, what do you sup
pose he wants with club Z
We'll, don't know, replied the hope.
full urchin, unless il is 10 knock down
subscribers as don't pay for their paper
A Young American lady being asked by
a politician which party she was most IN
favor of, replied that she preferred we'd
ding party.
"Bob, by sitting on that side Of the
cars, you are missing all the sights OH dis
side"
"Never mind, Tom. am sighting al
the misses on 'tother."
One of our Western villages passed an
ordinance forbidding taverns to sell liquor
on the Sabbath to any persons except
travellers. The next Sunday every man
in town who wanted a "nip" was seen
walking around with vaise in one hand
and two carpet bags in the other.
Josh, say, was going down street
i'other day, and seed tree bark
"GoIIy, Sam, seed i, hOiiOw.' Il
seed the same one leave" did II take
its trunk viii! " 20, It left that ios
Goard."
A little boy, while writhing under the
toItures of an sgne, was told TO rise up
and take powder she had prepared ior
him. Powder powder = ssid he. raIs-
ing himself on one elbow, and putting on
smile, mother, amt gun
a chaplain was once preaching "s
class Of cole zians about the formation II
habits. "Gemlemen," said he, "elose
your ears against bad discourses. The
scholars Immediately clappcd their kaDds
to iheil ears, and the chaplain looked Ia
ther funny at SO practical demonslra.
ton"
friend Of ours says he would have AZ