Glasgow weekly times. (Glasgow, Mo.) 1848-1861, 1856-08-14
One who died without Living.

gundy, at the age Of seventy-one, leaving
the following memoir, whereby he proves
that he has not lived:
All that is suffering, sorrow, ennui, des-
pair, desire, regret, should be deducted
from life, because we should ourselves have
deducted it had heaven permitted. When
three years old was weaned; at six could
speak but badly; at seven / split my skull;
at nine was cured. must, therefore, ex-
tract nine years from my existence; for
surely to drink nurses sour milk, not 10
speak, or badly, and TO split ones skull, is
not living. At the age of nine 1 bgun my
studies. Owing to my cracked skull, my
head was a hard one, and proved stubbOrn
to tuition. l required two years labor to
spell the alphabet. l was indepted to letter
z alone for about fore score hundred lashes,
tho other twenty-three letters made com
plete martyr of me. AT the age Of twelve
l could read, but my body was mangled
with the alphabet scars. An attempt was
made TO teach me Latin, and | lost nv
French in the experiment. At fifteen I
knew nothing at all, and forced. diet Of
bread and water Lad reduced me 10 the con-
dition of skeleton. Six years more had
therefore 10 be deducted. At sixteen nv
father made me a notary's clerk. There
commenced new species Of martyrdom.-
| SO, up at six, swept the office, lighted tho
stove, was drubbed by the taller clerks, and
my father overwhelmed with complaints
about me, deprived me OF my dinner. This
sort of life led for FIVE years, and from life
l will positively deduct them. AT twenty
my father, quite disgusted with his son, put
me on board ship at Cherbourg. wash
ed the deck, crept up the top-mast, mendsd
the sails, and received thirty lashes day
on my back. This Has endured for feur
years. AT tenty-fCur my father made me
haberdasher. married Madsmoiselle Ur-
sule Desvousins, turner's daughter. Her
portion consisted Of thirty thousand livers,
mortgaged upon a slgar estate in St. Do
mingo. The day after the wedding found
out that my wife had a wooden leg, made
by my father law, the turner. The poor
woman made q thousand apologies for her
infrmity, and pardoned her out of regard
to her marriage portion. The St. Domingo
blacks rose against the whites, burnt the
marriage portion, and the wooden leg wus
all that was left TO me. At thirty lost my
wife in consequence Of scrorulous disease
in her real leg. IspOnt six years Of mar.
riage repenting every minute. What
folly committed in taking that leg,
therefore deduct these six years from my
life. Having, as every body else, slept
third part of my life, l deduct 24 years Of
sleep, and l am below the right reckoning
for was great sleeper. a year lost, ad-
ding minute TO minute, in searching for the
keys OF my desk which was continually
mislaying. Does one live when one looks
or key? Three years lost in having nv
self shaved and powdered, sc. Five years
lost in suffering tOothache, two inhamatons
of the chest, with relapses and GONZALES
ence. Three years lost in saying, "Whut's
o'clock" 'we have bad weather to- dsy:"
show do you dOf" show is your LADY," Il
have bad cold," Marlborough va-ien
guerre--what mud in the street-what G
winter this year," Six months lost in hav-
ing the mud brushed of one, and six in
brushing ones hat. One year of endurance
Of the entire acts of the theatre One year
lost in listening to the modern dramas, the
chef d. oeupre of genius not understood
One year lost in complaining OF salt and
tasteess soups, of outlets too much or too
undone, of indigestion or hard eggs. Total
II years. l beg leave to declare that in
giving up the ghost l do not give up any
thing worth keeping.