Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1856-07-03

TEST OF ABoL1T1oN1sM. ALI is not gold
that shines, and the loudest mouthed phi
lanthropist and reformers sometimes cave in
when put to severe practical test like the
following:
Il have brother-in-law," said Moses
Perkins, who was one of ravinest, madest,
hottest abolitionist you ever see. I liked the
Ipesky critter well enough, and should have
been very glad to see him cum to spend
day, fetchin' my sister to see myself and my
wife, if he hadn't lowed his tongue to run
so bout niggers and slavery, and the equal
ity of the races and the duty of overthrow
ing the Constitution of the United States,
and lot of other things, some of which
made me mad, and the best part of them
right sick. 1 puzzled my brains good deal
ito think how could make him shet up bis
noisy head bout abolition.
"Well, one time when brother-in-law
cum over to stay, an idea struck me. [
hired niger to help me in hay time. He
was the biggest, strongest and greasiest mig
ger you ever seed. Black! he was blacker
than stack of black cats, and jest as shiny
as new beaver hat. I spoke to him,
Jake" sez I, s'when you hear the break
fast bell ring, don't you say word, but
come right into the parlor, and sit right
down among the fellers and eat your break
fast" The nigger's eyes stuck out of his
head about feet! Your iokin, massa, %
sez he. "John." seq I. Il am sober as
deacon" But" sez he, Il shan't have
time to wash myself and change my shirt. )"
$50 much the better" sez I. Wall, break
fast come, so did Lakeland he sot down
right long side my brother-in-law. He
started, but he didn't say word There
warn't no mistake about it. Shut your eyes,
and you'd know it-for he was loud, I tell
you. There was fust rate chance to talk
abolitionism, but brother-in-law never open
ed his head
Jake" sez I, ssyou be on hand at din
ner time,'' and he was. He had been work
in in the medder all the forenoon-it was
hot as hickory and bilin' butt leave
the rest to your Imagination
Wall-in the afternoon brother-in-law
came up to me. madder than short-tailed
bull in hornet time.
"Mose," said he, Il want to speak to
Sing it out" sez I. =
Il have but few words to say" sez he,
s'hut if that confounded niger comes to the
table again while I'm stoppin' here, I'll clear
out"
Jake ate his supper that night in the
kitchen, but from that day to this, [ never
heard my brother-in-law open his head a.
bout abolitionism When the fugitive slave
bill passed, thought he would let out
some, but he didn't for he know'd that Jake
was still workin' on the farm.-Oive Branch
WHERE ARE You Go1NG AN anecdote
is told of Finney, the revivalist, and ca
naler to the following effect:
He was holding forth in Rochester, and
in walking along the canal one day came a.
cross boatman who was swearing furious
| ly. Marching up, he confronted him, and
bruptly asked
''Sir. do you know where you are going?'
The unsuspecting man innocently looked
up, and replied that he was going up the
canal on the boat Johnny Sands
"No sir, you are not" continued Finney,
''you are going to hell faster than canal
| boat can convey you.
The boatman looked at him in astonish-
ment for minute, and then resumed the
question
"Sir, do you know where you are going?''
81 expect to 60 to heaven"
"No, sir, you are going into the canal y
And, suiting the action to the word. took
Finney in his arms and tossed him into the
murky waters, where he would have drown
ed had not the boatman relented and fshed
him out.
ADVICE TO GAssI LAwYERs-Secret o,
Success at the Bor.-Sir James Scarlett
was once asked what was the secret of his
pre-eminent success as an advocate H
replied that he took care to press home
the one principle point of the case, with.
out paying much regard to the others
He also said that he knew the secret of be-
ing short. Il fnd,' said he, ''that when
exceed half an hour, [ am always doing
mischief to my client. If drive into the
heads of the jury important matter, I drive
out matter more important, than | had pre-
viously lodged there"
TAKE CARE OF Your FACES, LAD1Es.--We
wonder if our young ladies, who wear white
wells and bonnets, are aware that they are
making freckles for their beauty, White
is cooler in the sun than black, owing to
the principles of radiation; but while the
white bonnet, veil, dress or hat, diminishes
the heat Of the sun by reflection it general
ly increases its light, and it is this that
plays the mischief with the fair skin and
pretty faces. So young ladies, beware
If you have beauty we scarcely need tell
you not to despise it. 1t is more potent
than enchantment, and it is an overmatch
for philosophy. It elicits instructive admi-