Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1856-07-17
GOING WEST.

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4 GOING WEST.
The following spicy article, in answer to
letter of interrogation, received without
remittance, by some sensible fellow, forcibly
reminds us of scores of similar inquiries we
are weekly receiving. Yankeedorn have an
idea that out here, where lands are so cheap,
itcosts nothing to live, and much less to sit
down and write over a few pages of fool-scap,
and then pay postage--to answer interroga'
tions exclusively for their benefit.
men want information in regard to the
! country, let them do as others have done, GO
and see for themselves, or have the common
honesty to send enclosed something to pay
for paper, ink anda portion of the time spent
in writing. We cantlive out here on nothing,
and make it a rule to have something for
something when We exchange or swap-any
one who thinks otherwise, let him try, and
perhaps he may get as interesting a reply as
the one below:
ga correspondent furnishes the following
information to the Philadelphia Saturday
Evening Post, for the benefit of those desi
rous of going West:
"The first question comes from Cam
bridgeport, Massachusetts,, and reads as fol
, lows: (Which is the best time for going
West, the spring or autumn? p
"The best time for going West is when
you have the most money about, and the
least fear of losing it. If you come in the
spring you are sure to shake yourself to
death with the ague before fall. If you
come in the fall you may live until spring,
if you don't freeze to death before you
get there. If you come at all you had
better get your stomach lined with water
proof cement, so as to be able to digest
corn bread, bacon and whiskey, for this we
all have to eat, except a few French frogs
and bilious looking tadpoles, which We
catch when the river runs down.
"Second question-'What part of the
West is the best to emigrate to, taking into
consideration the healthiness of the eli
mate p
GA variety of opinions about that, my
dear fellow. Our Senator, Mr.. Douglas,
says Nebraska is the best. So it is, if you
want to 90 into the stock business, raising
an uuruly kind of mixed colored cattle, that
will stray off to Canada, in spite of the
Compromise of 1850 or 1920, or Senator
Z Douglas. Or if you want to speculate in
pappooses, white scalps, and get your own
scalp taken off scientifically, 60 to Nebraska,
BY all means. If you want to play poker for
living, and set up whiskey drinking for a
business, live on corn bread and bacon week
days, and slippery elm bark and tadpoles on
Sundays, come to Illinois. If you want tc
90 where they don't have no Sundays mol
nothing to eat, only what they bring from
the east, 60 to Iowa or if you want to &C
on all fours, and do as other kinds of cattle
do, go to Salt Lake.
"Third question-'Does the fever and
ague prevail much in Wisconsin p
"Of course it does. Nobody out West is
fool enough to ask such question. Every
body shakes even the trees shake; you cam
coax crab-apple to stay on when its good
for anything; it will shake man out o.
bed, kick him out of doors, and shake the
bedstead at him until he gives up.
"Fourth question-'How long does pre-
emption hold good?'
"That depends on circumstances. Ifyou
have good rifle, and know how to use it.
you have a chance to ten that you may live
till you starve to death. But if you can't
stand fire, and are not good shot and {
quick one, take my word for it you had bet
ter tarry in Jericho until your bread be
grown they are all too smart for you in that
neck of woods.
"Fifth question-'Is land to be had in
the northern part of Ohio for 81 % pei
acre, and is it good?'
"That's all fudge, got up by spectators
to gull some greenhorn like you or me, for to
the best of my knowledge or belief, Ohio
was worn out ten years ago. The whole
business of the railroads in warm weather,
is to carry back persons who have been fools
enough to come out West. All the railroads
are doing this winter is carrying dirt into
Ohio out of Michigan, to raise few beans
and oats, to keep the folks from starving tc
death next summer.
sAs to the land in the northwest of Ohio
it is eighteen inches under water most Of
the year, and will probably be worth 81 "a
per acre when water-snakes and copper
heads bring as much per barrel in the Ne"
York markets as potatoes are worth pei
bushel in Alton.
And lastly, he wants reliable information
"a short article in your paper relating
to the subject-and he wants to 60 to a
healthy location, decent land, and fair wa
ter.
Exactly! Why, my dear sir, there is nc
such thing as reliable information out W est
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