Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1856-09-09
iIyiilten for the n y. Sunday gtnts
FEATURES OF NEW = DIRK
LIFE.
! - PnI:rEIlI..1ofisk roIIl1Ifc1AN

Il I4EA 1AA-aAo III ~ A-AlNl Ak4s44e
LIFE.
THE PaI:TER-lodsK roLIIcIaS.
of al the mean, despicable Characters, por-
ter house politician Is the most contempt bic.
He is the '.afippe pf the political masters,
does al their dirty work, and receives pay for
his services
He usually commences his operations about
eleven o'clock IN the day. Is hen the saloons and
restaurants are setting ont their lunch; and at
ter taking stiff glass Of brandy Or gin, (foE he
seofns y aker potations he does his duty to the
catables on the table, 1t the same time treating
his hearers to mass Of words sB illingssatcn
and lalsehood. Heis bl1stereF and a blower,
& half.vagabond, ahalf.rascal lizard flrinker, and
a hard STesrer, without a sing edeeming quail
~ He is at every political meeting Of his par
t., listens with open mouth to the stump dema-
gogues, and, at every yolley Of abuse hurled
against political opponents laughs with ecstacy,
frequently shouting Col it, old boy Hit ,em
agaipi = Give EN- Jessy or some Other slang
terms Of enconrage cement. AZ the close of the
meeting he watches the different candidates for
public Office, dogs them into al Interview, tells
them of the great influence eweilds in his ward,
the number of votes he can control, and finally
signifies that heis to be .let-H
Every political aspiTant curries favor with the
porteT-house politician, invites him TO drink,
shakes hands with himin thestreet, tel shinheis
a s.Iig gun, and winds up BY placing q billet
d0ltt in his hands In the shape Of bank bill,
telling him he is the Hector of his party, and
that the fate of Troy IS 10 his hands Thus fat
tered, thus played upon, and thus palmed, the
porter house politician actually forgets the mean
part he plays IN the drama Of political lie. BE
forgets, while spending his time in the porter
house day after day, aud night after night, that
he is administering only to beastly appetites, and
contracting habits disgTaceIul aliketo himself
and to his family, and faught With premature
decay. He forgets, when hereceives bonts for
his services, that the giYer has discovered has
a heart like that Of Judas Iseariot-to be bought
and influenced by gold-and only recognising
him as tool and a puppet of convenience The
porter-house politician never thinks Of these
things; he has been told that he is a .big gun
and goes on revolving. day after day, through
the cycle of his miserable existence, staggering.
Boosting, cnrsing, and drinkipg-the contempt
of all good and sensible citizens, the "cat's-paw"
Of the unpTincipied, aud the oracle only of the
bad and the depraved.
The portGr-house politician is an industrious
man-that is, he fills his vocation to its utmost
bounds Ee never tires ofhis theme and hasall the
real aud Imaginary excellencies of his party ar
ranged in battle ARA Ainst che fllaeies (Which
are legion Of the opposing faction; He appears
to hold the bags Of lEolus in his lungs, for he
never appears TO be exhausted, and continues
talking and mauoeoyering until the small hours
of the morning.
Were you TO follow porter.house politician
through all his hauntSI perhaps you would find
a better clue 70 Che maze of the po-
litieal world than can be derived from any 9TH
er source. He.is not very choice in hisrambles
and. hisvisits. lie takes lunch at the porter
house or restaurant, and nunlberless drinks of
brandy, gin, or W hisSey About ten or eleven
O'clock in tie evening" perhaps, he visits his par
ticular friend, Mr., who keeps a fnro.table
sits down to supper, probably risks a little of
the money he has received for. the good of the
cause, and then adIourns to a fashionable bro
thel kept by his friends or Airs, by whom
he is welcomed as the Governor" or the Cen
eral;" and these sOUbrSgtets so please our 'Hec-
tor, that he promises the duchess ofthc "frail
ones" that she shall not demolished by the au-
thorities After partalting Divine and sundrY
other accommodations Of the establishment he
retires to his home .tglorious drunk. This is
no fancy picture, but one drawn from living,
breathing originals; and to the workings ofthese
men can be traced the enactments of.improper
statues; the protection of crime, and the abuse
aud corruption of office
Perhaps my readers would like to know of
what class of persons these porter house politi=
clans nre composed. viii tell them. They
are principally made up of ex.pOiicemen, keep
ers and ex-keepers of prisons, Tonlbs lawyers,
and some II. DIS, who, finding the practice of
drugs 'drug, have betaken themselves to the
moro lucrative profession of porter-honse poll
itician. They are all an impudent, ignorant,
and abusive set, and would leave the world :
clearer Of rubbish" were they not init.
Mechanics, contractors, and other useful men,
who, by good management aud knowledge in
their business, have amassed. large fortunes,
when lured from theifproper sphere by the Wis
ionary dreams Of vain ambition; seek the por-t
ter-h0hse politician MS asdog to be used in the
political hunt; md tits understood by the con-
tract that lie IS to feed them, comb Them DC, Z
until they grow fat and Sleek How many idle,
lazy fellows are thus kept, doing good to no one,
iniuring the progress I've Inoyemento of society by
all their acts and iobeying the capricesS or
may be, the haIlucinations ofinen Who instead
of maintaining the eIninence they had reached
in thehs respectable and honest calling, yainlyi
imagine themselves ft for the position of . So
Ion or a LycirguS and, to gl1tify their ynnity,
foolishly and uselessly sqnander away the lnon-
ey which had taken them many years of care
aadlabor 10 acquire Let every cobb stick
Latin;) and let this maxim be Impressed upon
the minds of those who, acquainted with legis-
lation, either in theory or in practice, Imagine
themselves eqnal 70 the Herculean labor ofintei-
leet which Is essential 70 those vito rule and di-
rect the destinies Of a nation.
When country wanes in her greatness she
can be bought, for she lapguishes; but when she
IN ltlo ttSGetlualitt lVlt tet VI EtoIlf
not yet fall she VIII lire to accomplish hoF des-
tiny, and even money cannot buy her great and
presiding ihtelIeets
The poFter-honse politician, besides being
dfiHiIer, swearer, gambler, and a william, is
a vampire He works for no one whom he cans
not bleed, and, being giutton, it takes great
deAl of INSTANCE to supply hitns So our would
be s.great man. always looks upon his arrival
with agony, for he knows that his cod--rot
the cafuation find that courses through his
veins hut the yellow mint, drops in his pocket
will be taken for his benefit; and have been
tod these ant itiots men look five
pounds lighter after one Of these visits, and that
nothing but Freq ent promises Of perspective
greatness Cn1 keep them from actually sink
ing go
Hope % live 10 see the day when porter-housc
politicians viii nntabe able 10 thrive At their
dirty work hen only those men be elses
ted to Office who have their merits alone to re-
commend them, and who need not the influence
Of such despicabIe grants for promotion.
q