The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1856-05-08
III rs GEL u q M &WWS 4
MR.. PADCORN'S FIRST PARTY.
s G 9 ne Firs t.


inent, notices that the human beings, who
enter, looking like calm boys, are trans
formed in about two minutes into elegant
men Of stiff leisure, beautiful boots and white
gloves, and smiling and beneicent. He
goes down stairs in sort Of dream, enters
the parlor, and is Immediately stunned hy
the confused chattering on all sides, his re-
naming senses take flight; finds himself
mechanically following Others led through
a combination Of hemisphcrcs, out Of the
top Of which arises the forms Of women
from the waist upwards. Had heard be-
fore Of mermaids woman, half fish
but never Of hcmispherical females. At
length brought to a full stop by the gentle
man. whose lead he follows, stopping and
saying a few words to hemispherical wo-
men, he passes on, and Padcorn in his
turn, finds himself in front Of the portcn-
tious object, mechanically utters few pas
sing words, but not being heard attempts
to get in speaking distance; but is rcpelled
by the hemisphere, and which he now dis
covers is bound with series Of harl ridges,
as his shins abundantly testify, on suLse-
quent examination; being unable to speak
to the lady, is obliged to content himself
will, making telegraphic signal and nod
ding his head gravely and mysteriously.-
Then passing on, he next finds himself
adrift, in a sea Of hcmisphcres, and expert.
cnccs constant and indetinable longings to
60 up stairs-indulycs i'll painful retrospec-
ton, and goes through mental cate
chism.
Qucry-Padcorn what are you doing
here!
Padcorn-standing on my pins and
looking around.
Query-Why did you come hcre'
Padcorn-I don't know, Tn sure; re-
ceived card on which was printed in
beautiful italics, "Mrs. Shaw at IIome,"
and beneath, in Roman letters, Wedncs-
day night, January 18th, 1856" Why
Mrs. Shaw should have taken tho trouble
to have this important information, that
she was at home on Wednesday, January,
1856, printed ON card, and then sent to
me was mystery. l thought it exceed
ingly kind of her to let me know this fact,
but nevertheless couldn't explain il until Il
friend fortunately solved it for me in the
following expressive manner: "Why, you
stupid fellow, you're invited to a party and
must Co." and SO here am (pinching him
self) at least believe I'm here.
Query-Well, what are you going to
do?
Padcorn-I don't know stand and look
on, suppose, and wish was at home.
Query-But, why don't you do as the
rest do; talk
Padcorn-Comc now, that's all nonsense.
In the first place, nobody can hear me in
such Il noise; and in the second, I've got
nobody to talk to.
(Just then the soliloque was interrupted
by man with white ribbon on his coat,
who came up and said, ooh, Mr.er-er,-
what did you say your name was 2"
Padcorn-I didn't say anything, but my
name, sir, is Padcorn, and I'd like to know
what the ID you mean by asking such
question?
White Ribbon-I beg your pardon, sir !;
don't say ID so loud, but allow me to in
troduce you to some Of the young ladies.
Padcorn, (mollifed) q, my dear sir,
beg your pardon! Certainly, sir, should
be most happy.
White RiLbon-Miss Pork, allow me to
introduce you to Mr.. Padcorn. Gan three
bowed and man in white ribbon disap-
pears)
Miss Pork-IIavc you been very gay
this winter?
Padcorn-No, I can't say 1 have.
don't tbink l ever was very gay; Two never
seen anything yet to be gay about. (Un-
dertone) l wonder what she meansi
Miss flirting her fan about,) Oh,
you strange creature you! (Undertonc,)
wonder what he meansf
Padcorn-Yes, suppose am, and this
is a strange place for me. In fact, never
was at party before tonight; (undertone)
and l never will be again. wonder what
makes her fiddle about SO, wish she'd
keep still. - f.sas&
Miss Pork-Ho, he, he; what, do you
mean to say you've never been to party
before; but you dance supposea
,Padcorn-(indignant at her Lilarity)
No, u don't, never took dancing lesson
iamy life.
Miss Pork-(loosing her breatb,) Oh,
what, never danced-ob, l shall faint!. ~.
HPalcorn-(alarmcd, What shall 1 do I
Where shall 4 goa You want air-oh,
please don't faint. You can't lie down, you
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