Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1856-04-30
A Wife in Ecstacy and Husband in Fidget,

A Wife in Ecstacy and Husband in Fldset'
The deed is accomplished. My wife has got a
piano, "and now farewell the tranquil mind
farewell content and the evening papers and the
big cigars that make ambition virtue-oh! fare
we'll And oh We mortal engines, whose rude
threats the immortal Joves dread clamors coun-
terfeit :" but stop, can't bid them farewell, for
one of them has Just arrived. 1t came on adray.
Six men carried it into the parloI, and it grunt-
ed awfully. 1t weighs ton, shines like o mir
ror, and has carved Cupids climbing up its limbs.
And such lungs-whew My wife has COM
menced to practice, and the first time she touch
ed the machine, | thought we were in the midst
of thunder storm, and the lightning had struck
the crockery chests. The cat, with tail erect,
took bee line for a particular friend on the
back fence, demolishing o six. shilling pane. of
glass. The baby awoke, the little fellow tried
his best to beat the instrument, but he didn't do
it. 1t beat him. A teacher has been introduced
into the house. He says he is the last of Napo-
Icons grand army. He wears a huge moustache,
looks at me iercely, smells of garlic and goes by
the name of Count Runaway y-and-never-come-
back -again-by. He PLAYED an extract de opera
the other night. He ran his fingers through his
hair twice, then grinned, then he cooked his eyes
at the ceiling, like monkey hunting flies, then
came one of his fingers, and heard delightful
sound, similar to that produced by cockroach
dancing upon the ten-string OF fiddle. Down
came another finger, and was reminded OF the
wind whistling through knot hole in hen
coop. He touched his thumb, and thought L
was in an orchard listening to the distant bray
ing of a jackass
| Now he ran his fingers along the keys, and
thought of a boy rattling stick upon a picket
fence. All ofa sudden he stopped, and thought
something had happened. Then down csme
both fists and, oh Lord such noise was never
/ heard before thought hurricane had struck
the house, and the walls were cavng in. inn
agined was in cellar, and ton OF coal was
falling upon my head. | thought the machine
had burst, when the Internal noise stopped, and
heard my wife ejaculate-"E Exquisite J" What
| the deuce is the matter" The answer was,
ssWhy, dear, that's La Somnambula !" Som
nambula!" thought and the Court rolled up
his sheet of paper. He calls it music; but for
the life of me, can't make it look like anything
else than rail fence with lot OF Juvenile mig
gers climbing over it, Before that instrument of
torture came into the house, could enjoy my
self, but now every woman in the neighborhood
must be invited to hear the new piano, and ev-
ery time the blasted thing shrieks out, like To-
comotive with the bronchitis, have to praise its
tone and when the invited guests are playing |
have to say, Exquisite |" Delightful p
''Heavenly" and all such trash, while, at the
same time, know just as much about music as
a blind goldfish There are more tuning ham
mers than comforts, in our house, and-and 4
wish the inventor of the piano was troubled with
perpetual nightmare, and obliged to sleep in
| one of his instruments all his life As for my
self, had rather put my head under a tin pan
and be drummed to sleep with pair OF smooth
ing irons, than hear LA Somnambula," or any
other La thunped ont of piano. Scatter PEN
MES in front of my house, and draw together all
the wandering minstrels in the city-hand or
gans, banjos, tiddles, tambourines, rafting bones,
and fish horns Let juvenile monkeys crawl in
at nv windows in search of three cent pieces
! let me be awakened at midnight by the cry OF
s'murder "-ring the irebells and have devil
ofsl time generally-do all this, and | will not
complain; but Danish the pianos My piano
has got to 90. am going to launch the Internal
machine out of the window The first dark night,
and, my friends, | advise you to sleep with cot.
ton in your ears, or, when she gives her dying
grunt you'll think you've fallen off of bed or q
fallen star has gone to roost upon your housetop.
For the information OF "Young America"
will state that all the pieces of brass wire and
ivory keys they are welcome to, but the skele-
ton want for refrigerator.
A CHRISTIAN SoLDIRR.-While the war in the
Crimea was raging, and intelligence from the
Scamp before Seyastopol" was eagerly sought by
all, few paragraphs inserted in the lntellgen-
Ger about a year ago announced the death OF u
gallant young officer, while repulsing, III night
surprise, with force of barely two hundred men,
body of Russians two thousand strong. Or
dering his small but intrepid band OF British vet
/ fk.,Q a,,on
twenty PAGES, he rose at the appointed crisis,
and, shouting "Now, 9th, on your pins and
charge!n pressed forward at the head OF his
troops. A bayonet wound but infamed his
courage the more "Men Of the 9th, follow
me!n he exclaimed, as he leaped parapet and
charged the enemy down ravine Already ne
had struck down two of the Russians with his
sword, and while he was in the act OF raising 1t
again, and was shouting, "This way, 97th!' he
| received shot in his sword arm, which severed
an artery and soon caused his death. That
Young officer was Captain Hedley Wears, and
Memorials" of whose life have recently been
published in England.
+ We have rarely read biography more won.
derful or more interesting. The camp is notorir
ously bad school of morals and is still less pro-
pitious to the culture of a feryent piety; yet no
! Que can read this short and simple narrative
without confessng that Hedley Wears united the
devotion of o saint and the zeal of an apostle 10
the herosm of a soldier. He presents ful! re-
alization of Wadsworths sHappy Warrior, II
indeed, in some respects, his character Is not
even more beautiful and noble than entered INTO
the conception of the poet. After reading tins
record of one so brave, so gentle, and withal so
good, we can well understand why Lord Pam
mure. the present British Secretary OF State for
- hvt RI the death
of Captain Wears as a national calamity" though
these are strong words as applied to a mere
youth who held a rank no higher than that OF
ca aptain.--National Inteltigencer
CHEAP PEW RENr.-Old Carl Roleau, who
lived at the Rouge, had q difficulty with Father
! Richard about pew rent, so he came to church
in cart over which he had built single root.
| He backed his cart against the church window,
and listened to the service and sermon gratis
Many persons now living recollect to have seen
him, sitting out the service at the old church in
Meldrums ship yard, below where Brad. Thomp-
sons livery stable now is. Roleau said that he
had quarreed with Father Richard ON tempo
raj matter, and that he enjoyed his spirit and
teachings as well as ever.-Dstroit Adp.
DIR. Parr had great deal of sensibility.-
When read to him. in Lincoln's Inn Fields, the
account OF OCoigys death, the tears rolled
down his cheeks
One day, Macintosh having vexed him by
calling O'Coigly "a rascal" he Immediately re-
joined, ''Yes, Jamie, he was bad man, but he
might have been worse; he was an lrishman, but
he might have been a Scotchman he was q
priest, but he might have been alawyer he was
republican, but he might have been an apos-
tate"
a loafer got hold of green persimmon which