Daily American organ. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1856, 1856-01-25
A Wictim,, to Tyrannical Laws.


Mr. Robert Russell, who formerly lived in Soho
harie county, New York, now resides in the cityof
Albany. Russell appears to be victim of unpro
pitious circumstances. Russell has an unhappy
faculty of doing business contrary to law. On
Tuesday last Mr.. Russell was arrested for the
eleventh time since autumn set in. We give his
examination
"well, Russell" said the magistrate, "you are
here again, perceive"
Eyes, sir. I'll is, squire, Pm victim
Blow me If car 1t Bobby Russell does, he is
sure to violate law or other. When come
to Albany, / says to 1yself Russell my boy, wen
take a hunt to-morroW and try them fox hounds.
Well sir, out goes, and what do you think? Be-
fore got to the next corner, Barney Whalen tap
ped me on the shoulder and says, that's agin the
law' What's agn the law p / replies; and he
says, having dogs in the street without muzzes
He accordingly arrested me and brought me to the
police court. The result of that piece of fun was
a fine of five dollars. Well, what did do then ??
Cant say"
Swell, listen and I'll tell you. sold the fox
hounds to one of Aunt Hut's friends for twenty
dollars. With the proceeds bought SOW and
five pigs. l took them home built a pen in the
back yard, and thought all my troubles at an end.
But was mistaken. Officer Bradwell called on
me the very next morning, and says: Russell,
keeping hogs in the yard is against the law
doubted it. This riled Officer Bradwel, who had
me arrested again. This time was fined five dol
lars"
"Well, what did you do then?"
II sold my SOW and pigs, and bought horse
aud cart, and undertook to draw wood. The very
first load put on drew the attention Of Policeman
Sickles, who said that driving cart without Ii
cense was agn the law. He arrested me for that
offence, which caused me another fine of five dol
lars"
"Well, what did you do next?"
i sold the horse and cart, and bought the half
of charcoal wagon"
Well, what success did you meet with after
thatG"
"rhe same old luck, sir The first day l CON-
menced peddling, Policeman Shocks took me by
the collar, and says; RUSSELL that is agn the law,
old feller.' What is agin the law Y / said. He
replied, Selling charcoal in wooden measure
That cost me fine of three dollars"
Did that drive you out of tho charcoal bust
ness ?"
Yes sir. / sold out and thought would try my
fortuue in carrying baggage between the steam
boats and railroads
What's the user
81 only commenced work to day, and yet here
i am again"
"What for, now ?"
For soliciting baggage without permit from
the Mayor As ! said before, I'm victim. If
should save man from drowning by jumping into
y WnHlypoi, uhsn my VIZ III uOn Z DeneVe the nfst
policeman | met on coming ashore, would come
and say:
It's agin the law Russell, to go overheard
without license from the Coroner"
The Justice having heard Mr.. Russell to the end,
admitted that he was victim, and let him off
without fine.
Russell left the Office, saying that he would go
and Kill himself " if it were not for one thing"
On being asked what that was, he replied, that
pOliceman would dacovar uao 90 o,,;, .bo
law to commit suicide" and undertake to collect
the line from his "misfortint children
Russells case calls for sympathy.
BETTER GO I'm FIRsT.-About thirty.five years
ago there resided in the town of Hebron certain
DIR. T., who became very much enamored of a
beautiful young lady, resident in the same town.
The Doctor was a strong and decided Prcsbyteri-
an and his lady-love was strong and decided Bap-
tist They were sitting together one evening,
talking OF their approaching nuptials, when the
Doctor remarked:
am thinking, my dear, Of two events, which
! shall number among the happiest of my life."
ana pray, what may they be, Doctor?" re-
marked the lady
for the first time
And the other?n
Is when we shall present our first born for
baptism"
What sprinkleds"
Yes, my dear, sprnkled.n
Never shall child of mine be sprnkled!n
But mine shall"
They shall be, heyn
Yes, my love-"
Wei, sir, then can tell you that your babies
wont be my babies. So good night, sir"
The lady left the room and the Doctor left the
mousse The sequel was that the Doctor never
married, and the lady is an old maid
LIEUTENANT HALDEnAs ACQUITTED. General
Scott Il is said has failed 10 find ANYTHING in The
evidence taken in the late court martial at New
York, on Lieutenant Haldeman TO impeach the IN
egrty OF that officer, and he has accordingly or