Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1856-05-08
For the Yorkville Enquirer.
THE FOOLS ROAD.

"All dogs and fools who traVel THIS roau Will pe
killed" OLD SIaNBoARD.
The above notice, in large Saxon letters, was
once posted up at the fork of road in England
the index pointing ominously to the broad beaten
track referred to- 1t was long afterwards discov-
cred to be trick played off upon the public by
the owners of the land through which the road led,
and who had been heavily taxed to keep it ingood
condition. The trick was not discovered, hoWeV-
er. until some remarkable things were disclosed.
The event happened during the reign OF. the feu-
dal system, when each Baron was petty soVer-
eign invested with almost unlimited power over
bis vassals The Barons being the lords OF the
soil, the tenantry conceded to them the right 10
decide what class Of persons, including dogs
should be permitted to travel the roads; ana the
above declaration posted on the sign-board was
adiudped q legitimate decree of the sovereign
authority; and the penalty of its inracon, though
severe, one which the sovereign had n right to
infiict. The result was that no one would travel
the road without written permit from the feudal
Lord, the fees for which were fixed Mt rate so
high NJ to amount to q prohibition. The road was
wholly abandoned, therefore, except by the Lords
themselves
Now, it will be observed that the interdct in
cuded only two classes of persons, to wit dogs
anu FOOLS. serious difficulty, ncvcrrncess, arose
in constituting it which was argued somewhat after
this fashion: Everybody knows dog at first sight
and while there are many fools who like doC0 may
be known at first sight, there are others whose ca
ses cannot be so easily determined. Besides, who
are to determine who are fools and who are not !?
A man may decide in his own case that he is not
q phool, and therefore privileged to travel the
road, and get killed for his pains; for we all
know there are some phools who believe they are
the wisest men in the realm. Now if it can be
decided with certainty who the phools are, it
would be the best policy, perhaps, to make them
believe they are very wise-a thing very easily
accomplished-se them to travel the road, and
thus have them killed out Of our way and to the
manifest advantage of the kingdom.
To this argument it was replied that although
it might be good policy to dispose of the phools in
the way proposed, yet, there was another view of
the case which presented serious dificulties for,
said the speaker eff all the phools be killed, our
population will not only be sadly diminished, but
nearly every family in the realm must put on
mourning" 1t was finally decided that it was
the safest policy for no one to travel the road;
and that, to make all secure, every one who had
dogs and phools in their families should put brass
collars around their necks, chain them to posts,
and thus keep them at home.
The plan worked admirably. In the first place,
the Barons were no more taxed to keep the road
in order. For many years, no phool's face was
seen in pubic-a consummation devoutly to be
wished for and, the dogs being chained and each
kept within his owners close, sheep-killng ceased
altogether. Mutton became cheap in the market.
The great interest of wool-growing was fostcred
and encouraged. The people were soon more
comfortably clad. ''Warm Shetland hose and
comfortable surtouts'' took the place of the skins
of beasts. The women ceased to CAD and tattle,
and took to spinning and knitting; and thus, by
the fortunate thought recorded on that sold sign
board, 'the foundation was laid (belieVe or not,
reader, as you like; for have nothing to do with
your belief for the immense system of woolen
manufactures of Manchester, England which
warm the backs of greater number of phools
than, perhaps, the greater portion of the world
besides And what was the great thought which
produced this change in the fortunes of England
and the world? This, absolutely: 1t was embodi-
ed in the inscription upon that sold sign-board;"
for it was that which caused the dogs and phools
Of q shire in England to be chained Mt home; and
the country, thus relieved of their presence and
detcstable influences was left free to subserye its
best interests.
But at last, when the impulse thus given to Eng
lish industry had taken root in the public mind,
clearly Indicating that the reform was permanent,
the Barons claimed the honor of its authorship
and disclosed the secret Of the sold sign-board."
The result was, although some acts Of parliament
were passed abridging the liberty of the dogs the
phools, unfortunately for the world, were turned
loose and, to the great detriment of society, have
roamcd at large to this day; while in Democratic
America, both these classes of the body polite
are permitted to run at large, and at the time of
this writing may be seen almost any where, and
ut any time, going about in pairs--one dog and
one phool the latter with a double-barrel gun on
his shoulder and former with n brass collar ON
his neck with the phool's named engraved on it.
Now wish it to be distinctly understood that
use the word fool,' which Intend to soften and
modify into "phool," in that sense only in which
it is employed, by the Barons, on the cold sign
board" l would not use it at all but tits in the
text and was on the sign-board, and l can't help
it. In truth, it is on the sign of the phools them
selves, and am not to blame for proper read
ing Of their own motto. Thus licensed, shall
use it according to the legal meaning Of the term
not in any offensive sense, but rs it is recognized
and sanctioned by the common law of England,
ly understand. Nor, further, am n proficient in
any natural science by which / can determine the
chronological characteristics Of each individual
which the world includes. | can classify them
into types, species and groups, from the we'll
known scientific fact that, although any given
group or species Of animal cxistences may present
great diversity of mental and personal phenomena,
as they appear in the moustache, goatee tusks,
color of the hair thickness of the skull and skin,
mental capacity, &C., yet, there are always pre-
sent certain traits of character which are common
IN tbe whole tribe and never vary in the phenome-