The Union and eastern journal. [volume] (Biddeford [Me.]) 1854-1858, 1856-09-19

never talked to you about her, for l could
not trust myself with the subject while q
doubt remained. Now l tell you about my
darling; she is as worthy Of true mans
heart as-as Mr. Lacy is Of yours. By the
way, Mildred, I was very anxious about
you that night he came home, for your
manner was not-not what, were ! in his
place, would have satisfied me but that ID
the form woman's caprice takes with you,
| have concluded. As for not loving him
at bottom, don't dare to 80 impugn my
noble cousins heart and understanding"
Frank talked on long and earnestly-told
me the story ofhis love-read me his letter;
but heard nothing distinctly, understood
nothing fully. One fact graspsd, that he
was going to leave me to-morrow-going to
this darling of his-and that II had o
spark of dignity and womanly sense left, i
must excite it now. / don't know how l
bore my martyrdom; but l won its crown.
Frank babe me goodbye without ssuspicion
OF the truth.
1 ran once more to the solitude Of my
chamber. felt abandoned-prostrate. l
flung myself on the bed in q transport OF
despair. Why, had lost all Had l been
80 criminal that my punishment was 20
heavy? "Oh, Frank" cried, how /
have loved you-what life might have bcen!'
Then reflected, if Mr.. Lacy loved me as
loved my cousin, what fine spirit and
nature he had shown, what rare gift such
heart was Miserable Us was, 1t was
deeper misery to think that I was the cause
of his.
l was very i'll after these events, and fears
for my health quite absorbed any anger my
father might have felt at the disppoint-
ment Of cherished desire, or perhaps Mr..
Lacy, by his representations had shielded
me against it. When I recovered people
said was very much altered ; and 30 l was.
The flush of youth was passed; was not
twenty, but nothing Of the childishness OF
q few months back was left. Frank was
married, and Mr.. Lacy VIC never saw, at
least never saw him. Disappointment
had made life an earnest thing to me and
taught by its discipline the character of my
former lover rose in dignity in my eyes.
How long was it that what had thought
would be life long regret-my love for my
cousin-sccmed transient emotion, of which
the traces grew daily feeblcr. Had sacri-
iced my happiness to passing fancy? Or
was it that Of my age one cannot long cling
to the impossible9 Little sisnifed the seem.
ing contnsiety Of my heart, for the fact re.
mained-if had never loved Mr.. Lacy be-
fore, loved him now. thought perpetu-
ally of the incidents of our brief engage
ment-every word of endearment, every en-
brace, had its hold on my memory. re-
called his opinions, framing my own strin-
gently by them, and followed his public ca.
recr, so far as was able, aided by my deep
knowledge of the high principles and mo.
tives that actuated 1t.
The feeling grew in silence, till my for
mer love for Frank was but child's dream
in comparison. To hear his name mention
cd, and always mentioned in connection
with some thing honorable, moved me with
q strange passion Of fecling-and he had
loved me ! Oh, did he love me yet
Time passed, and l had long resumed my
former relations with society, and had aet
with successes enough to gratify my heart,
had vani y been my ruling passion, or could
have adopted it in place Of the one which
was secretly sapping the fresh springs Of
life. Sometimes the idea occurred, that 1t
might be possible, without any compromise
of womanly dignity, to ascertain his feel
ings for me, and if they remained unchanged,
to teach him the change in mine; and then
fell into that colorins of bright future
which seems to bo the ordained and Sisyphus
like penalty of the unhappy.
My chance camo at last. At a large din.
ncr rarty, I unexpectedly met Mr.. Lacy
He came to me at once; spoke kindly and
gently as in long-p past times; but there was
nothing to lead to tho idea that he still
loved memo hesitation in the well known
voice, no latent tenderness in his searching
eyes. could not bear It, and wished he
would leave me to myself, and not torture
me with that cruel friendship. At my first
opportunity, l turned from him, and en-
gagged myself in conversation with gentle
man who was well known to DO one Of my
suitors. 1t appeared like coquetry, but 1t
was the cargerness Of self.mlstrust. That
evening seemed very long, and insupporta-
bly, palnful;I h sd not known how tenacious
| ly had clung to hope until it failed me-
When Mr.. Lacy came forward to help me
to my carriage, felt l could hardly receive
the ordinary civilty from him without be-
tnying myself.
was surprised when he begged me to
turn into an empty room we passed on our
way to the hall.
"Alildred," he said, al was going to ask
you when we frst met to night, whether
might resume my old relations in your fam
iy. Nearly two years have passed since
we last met, and I thought 1 could bring
you back the calm heart Of friend. But
you have 50 studiously Stunned me, that to
ask permission now seems superauous.-
What am to think? Have you not for
given me yet for the misery cost you'"
was silent. If I could have fallen at
his feet aud sobbed out tho truth. 1 might
have been blessed for life but that would
have been too great sacrifice for even love
to exact from woman's pride.