Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1856-09-27

HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.

Or. o. W. Holmes having been prevent
Ell by illness from delivering lecture, wrote
an apology, in which he said II AN satifed
that if l we're offered fifty dollar bill after
my lecture should not have strength c.
nough left to refuse it,
There is a divine out West trying 20 per
suade the girls to forego marriage. lie
might az we'll undertake to persuade ducks
that they could find substitute for water,
or rosebuds that there is something better
than sunshine,
Bill, did you ever 60 to seat" ITO be sure
did | once went to SEGA redheaded girl;
but her brother had an unpleasant habit Of
throwing boot-jacks and smoothing-i, ons at
tue people, go never went back again.
A carpenter who had spent holiday by
the seaside, was asked, on his return, what
he saw. He replied, why, saw the sea,
and now see the saw"
A dying Irishman was asked by his con-
fessor il tie was ready to renounce the devil
and all his works.
tsOch, your honor said Pat. don't ask
me that, Pm going into strange country,
and don't want 10 make myself enemies =
One Consolation a. It is so far fortunate
that the gentlemen's fashions do not keep
pace with the ladies': or else, by this time,
their hats would have dwindled down to the
size of a charity boys muffin cap, and their
trowsers would have swollen out to about
double the size of these of a Turk and Dutch
man stitched together !-Puneh.
Good at Guessing "Well, Pat, which
is the way to Burlington p
'.How did You know my name was Pat:''
aOh, guessed it."
.Thin, by the powers, if ye are so good
at guessing, ye'd better guess the way to
Burlington"
Two gentlemen were lately examining the
breast Of plough on stall in a market
place.
"I'll bet you dollar said one, you
don't know what tits for"
Done" said the other-"it's for sale"
The bet was paid.
A thimble Ia defined to be q "diminutige,
truncated cone, convex on its summit, and
semi-perforated with symmetrical indenta-
tons"
N
--Affectionate, bold, candid, daring, enter
prising, faithful, grateful, honorable, indie
fatigable, just, kind, loving, moral, noble,
,obliging, polite, quick, religious, sociable,
truthful, upright, valiant, watchful, cxem-
plary, Us, and jealous.
A man was arrested the other day in
GAINESVILLE, Ohio, for kicking his washer
woman into the tumultuous waters of the
raging canawl,a because she danned him
for his wash bill.
Wit is brushwood; Judgment timber /: the
one gives the greatest fame, the other yields
the most durable heat both meeting make
the best fire.
A gipsy woman promised to show two
Young ladies' their husbands faces in pail
Of water. They looked and exclaimed, why
we only see our faces We'll, said the gip-
sy, those faces will be your husbands when
you are married
A man should never be ashamed TO own
he has been in the wrong, which is but say
ing in other words that he is wiser to-day
than be was yesterday.
Pa what does the printer hYe Cal
Why do you ask such question rs that
Because you have been taking the paper
for three years and never paid him cent.
Jane. smack that child.
This is not the age Of poctry-yet Squire
Jones' daughter has inspired Down-easter,
who lets himself off as follows:
Red is the rosy posy's hue
That grows down in the holleEs.
And red is uncle Nathan's barn,
That cost hundred dollars
Aud red is sister Sallys shawl,
That cousin Levi bought her
But redder still the blooming check
OF Squire jones' daughter.