The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1856-08-14
For the National Era.
WHOM SHALL WE MARRY !?

WHuW onhlI WE WHnhr
DEAR PoLLIE:* 1 have been asking mysel
| serious question, and ringing as man
| changes on it as we used at school, on tn
memorable inquiry, ado you ride to town to
day7" Thus have asked, anxiously, Whon
| shall we marry?" or despairingly, "Whon
shall we marry?" but more to my presen
purpose, "Whom shall sce marry?"
I know it is very improper for young lad,
to ask this question. We must be presumed
in our innocence, never TO have thought of sucl
thing, much less spoken it; and yet thos,
who would find fault with us for our innocen
interest are the very persons who would b.
first to brand us with the odious title of ole
maid
In our still country life, the question was mo-
one of so much Importance. Young men an6
maidens grew mp together, went to the same
schools, played at the same games, slid down
the same hills, and skated On the same ponds
and, finally, when they arrived at ripper years
concluded, each twain, that, having spent sc
much of life together, they might as well end il
in more intimate relation.
Familiar from long intercourse, there was
little new to learn of the character of the
chosen mate, and, of course, little fear of dis
appointment through misconception of charac
ter or mistaken expectations. The life, begun
so quietly, flowed on peacefully, the merry girl
became the careful matron, the fiery youth the
grave, sober man, and both travelled up the
hill of life, and down on the other side, leaving
fair copies of themselves to fill their places,
and transmit their influence and good example
to those who should come after them.
But in larger and more mixed society, in
these towns and cities, a different order of
much more a lottery. Young people meet less
frequently, and more under the restraint of
conventionalities, so that there is less opportu-
nifty of learning the true character.
Granted that young women have more free
dom than in any other country. 1t is one
of the privileges of Young America, and may
land and France to be -c 81. Car But are Eng
should they decide for US? Or why Should Bhbr
proceedings be necessarily improper, because
we do not "do as they do in Spain 2" In
France, young girl is kept in leading strings,
and married by an arrangement of her parents,
in the most prudent manner; and in England
scarcely dares speak above her breath, leaving
married women to take the lead in society ;
while our young people carry all before them,
a little too furiously perhaps, which is not so
much their fault as that Of the parents, who do
not restrain them. But / maintain that our
system has this advantage they have opportu-
mites of becoming acquainted with each other,
and choosing intelligeutly. Who shall say that
marriages contracted here are not as whole,
happier in their results than those among the
same class in France or England?
l confess l have sometimes found too much
freedom of manner here. These imported
dances, borrowed from the lower classes on the
continent, and partaking of the coarseness of
their manners and ideas, are out of place with
US. 1t is a false position for our young women,
and they require a long course of training and
perverting influence to overcome a natural, in
stinctive shrinking from them. Indeed. nothing
but the omnipotent dictate of Fashion could
have made them tolerable.
There is q slight Inconsistency, at which
should not dare hint in public, that man will
dance Polka or Schottische the whole evening,
II mean mighty when he would scowl or frown
on wife or sister who should dare presume. 1
confess am puzzled by it, but doubtless they
are right. Men have their prerogatives.
During my visit here, have been making
observations, close and cricical, on some varie-
ties of this class of animals, perhaps with a
view to the solution of the question, Whom
shall zoe marry2 Shall paint them?
Young America, the fast young man, rushes
into society at sixteen, with all the airs and
graces of finished foppery. He will "teeter
up to you with the utmost assurance, and, put
you to dance, with entire confidence of accept
nd : ho1a .,,f ho
stand you have taken, you will find yourself
whirled into the middle of the room, before you
have begun to think of an answer.
In conversation, he can give you his opinion
of wines with the decision of one who knows.
Having smoked for years, and learned that
nothing relieves the smoking thirst like brandy
and water, he has habits of full growth, while
he has studied his own development. he has
no appetite for his breakfast until he has taken
his brandy, and cannot digest his dinner or at
tend to his business (?) without his cigar.
But there is so little left of him at twenty-five,
that we need not discuss him further
If he exist at all, you will find his shrunken
remains at club house, sans brains, sans every
thing.
Evidently, we cannot marry him.
How is it with men in the professions? AZ
ter the fashion of the age, they drive through a
SouAoc VI PhCpoiotioh JCdfb sOOucT tudu tuoJ
have maturity, either of mind, Judgment, or
physique, to enter upon the practice. Usually,
they have time of repose, while waiting for
business, when they might repair the errors of
educatony but there is still the same anxiety to
get on.
Then comes success-more or less, according
to talent and circumstances. They profess to
aim high 80 the lawyer gives all his time to
his books and his cases the physician does the
same; the clergyman spends days and nights
over his sermons, and then, to fill up his time,
or his purse, must forsoo:h write book. If
they break down, it is not their fault; they can't
help it. "Must work. Do all you CAM Life
is the part of existence given to getting on.
They marry, bnt the time necessarily spent
in 81 Improbable a pursuit must be made up
by extra diligence aterward. She was q
wise woman, perhaps sadly so, who advised q
young friend to a long engagement, telling her
that when once married she would never see
her husband again
have seen enough of this in nv visit with
Cousin Pen. Mr.. x rises for breakfast,
reads the paper while he eats, and then hurries
to his Office, to business that must be done. He
comes home late, bis mind incidentally on Knot
ty points, judging from his face; dimes in ST.
lence, or nearly so; and then, if he sits for a
FL trust you understand the nomenclature Every
woman's must end in and the more YOU can dis
guise the original, the better Thus-Magge Saie Til
lie, Vallie, ellie, Callie!