The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1856-01-30

IN II K
How HE Losr HrR-An unfortunate biped
out west, rejoicing in the cognomen OF "eu~
gar, thus gives his eaperiencein courting:
The only objection ever made to me in this
ere country, as legislator, was made by the
wimmtn cause war a bachelor, and never
told YOU afore why remained in state OF
number one No feller stays single primedta-
ted, and in course a hansum feller like me,
who all the gals declar to be as entiein as a
iaybrd, wasn't goin to stay alone if he could
/ help it, 7 did see creatur once, named Sofy
Mason. up the Cumberland, nigh unto Nash
vile, Tennessee, that took an orful hankerln
arter. and set into lookin anxious for mat
rimony, and | gin to SO regular to meetin',
and tuck to dressin' tremengeous hnlhed, Jest
to see if could win her good opinion. She
did get to look at me kind O. shy, jest as a boss
does at sumthin' he's scared at, when, arter
champin at the distance for while, sldled up
to her and blurted out a few words about the
sarmin. She says "yes,'' but cuss me if !
know whether that war the right answer or not,
and I'm thinkin' she didn't know, nurther
Well, we larfed and talked a eetle all the
way goin' to her daddy's and thar / gayesher
the best bend ! had in me, and raised my bran
new hat as peert and polite as minister, look
| in all the time so enticin' that l set the gal
| trembln'. Her old daddy had powerful
lot of healthy niggers, and lived right jinin'
my place, while on the other side lived Jake
! Simmons, a sneakin', cute varmint, who war
wuss4r than miser for stipginess. and no SOON
er did this eussed sarpint see me sldin' up to
Sofy, than he went to slickln' up too, and sot
himself to work to cut me out. That ar wura
/ IL RI hot of Orleans EurSt
new tx up of Jake's would take her eye, and
then I'd sport sumthin that would outshine
him. until at last Jake gin in tryin' to outdress
| me, and not to thinkin' Of sumthin' else Our
farms were Jest the same number of acres, and
we both owned three niggers apiece. Jake
knew that Sofy and her dad kept sharp look
out fol the main chance, so he thort he'd clar
me out by buyin' another niger; but followed
suit, and bought one the day he got his, SO be
had no advantage thar.
He then got a COW, and SO did l. and jest
about then both our pusses sin out. This put
Jake to his wits end, and | war wunderln'
what in the yearth he would try next We
stood So hip and thigh, for about two weeks,
both Of us talkin' sweet to Sofy, whenever we
could get her alone. / thort seed that Jake,
the sneakin' cuss, war gettin' q smile ahead Of
me, cause bis tongue was SO iley; however, !
didn't let on, but kept top eye on him. On
Sunday mornin' l war little late to meetin',
and when got thar, the fust thing see was
Jake sittin' close bang up to Sofy, in the same
pew with her daddy; billed awhile with wrath
and then turned sour; could taste myself
Thar they war singin' hymns out of the same
book. Jehemny, fellers, / war SO enormous
mad that the new silk handkerchief around my
neck lost its color. Arter meetin' war out they
walked with linked arms, smilin' and lookin'
as pleased as a young couple at their first
chrisenin'; and Sofy turned her cold shoulder
to me SO orful that I wilted down and gin
right up straght-Jake had her, thar war no
disputng it. l headed it towards home, with
my hands so fur in my trousers pockets as
could put 'em, swearing all the way that she
, was the last one that would ever get a chance
TO rile up my feelins. .. e.s. ..zsr ..s
Passin' by Jake's plantation, l looked over
!; the fence and thar stood an explanation of the
matter, right facin' the rod, where every one
passin' could see this consarned COW was
tied to stake in the garden, with a most pro-
misn' calf along side of her. That calf just
soured my milk, and made Sofy think that
feller who war gettin' ahead like Jake war
right smart chance for a likely husband.
g A shout of laughter here drowned Sugars
voice. AS soon as silence was restored, he
added, in solemn voice, with one eye shut,
and his forefnger pointed at his auditory:
| What was a cussed sight wusser than his
gettin' Sofy, was the fact that he borrowed the
calf the night afore of Dick Harlcyi After the
varmint got Sofy htched, he told the joke all
over the settlement, and the boys never seed
me afterward that they didn't bah at me for
letting calf cut me out of gals affections.
| T.J cbo I,1,a hut T frao
country, and the gal had right to choose
without being made wilder; so 1 just sold
out and travelled. I've always thort since
then, boys, that wimmin war good deel like
cker-if you love them too hard, they're sure
to throw you some way. =
A lady correspondent of the N. York Mir
ror furnishes few glimpses of life in gen.
teel boarding house: '
IA very genteel establishment is Mrs. Puff
| it's-very. One may be assured of that by
the manner in which the meals are served
There is no superhuity at Mrs Puifit's table.
The smallest quantity of food is placed SYM
metrlcally upon the greatest number of gilt
edged plates. Coarse minded persons, un-
used to society, might say that there was not
enough to eat. But what of that? the silver
salt cellars are carved superbly, and the nap
kins are the finest quality and even ifthe joints
of meat have to be very carefully carved to
make them *'go round, surely the silver forks
| and finger glasses are ample compensation for
such slight deficiencies. Things are called by
their right names at Mrs. Pufit's too. She
never asks any one if she shall help them to q
potato, no, indeed! she inquiries if she shall ac-
commodate them to pomme de terre. Neither
does she send a slice of pumpkin pie to Mr..
Glubbins; she says, ':Jeemes, the pompion
pastry to Mr.. Glubbins;' and Mr.. Glubbins is
forthwith provided with triangular wedge of
the article, nearly the size of his own forefn-
ger, and an immensely large silver fork to eat
it with. And then it is worth something to see
Mrs Pilfit preside. She always dresses in
black velvet at dinner time; and she has such
pretty, juvenile way of Struggling her fat,
white shoulders out of her bodice, and is so
ingenious in the display of her pretty arms
and glittering bracelets, that it is treat to see
her And than the socictvl thew are mt all