Lewisburg chronicle. [volume] (Lewisburg, Pa.) 1850-1859, 1856-04-04
Major Jones' Travels.

1.-THE Travels of Major Joseph Jones, OF
Pineville, from his plantation in Georgia to
Canada, is the production of a genuine
Southern wit, and full Of fun and pathos. Ii
has eight Illustrations by barley. and is pub.
lished by T. b. Peterson, l02 Chestnut street,
Philadelphia-price, so cents. As specimen
Of the Majors philosophy and humor,we copy
for the CHRoSIcLE some account Of railway
trip in South Carolina:l
There was considerable hustle and
fuss about the depo, gettin reddy to start.
The passengers was gittin their tickets and
their checks for their baggage, what some
fellers was knockin about ike they would
tear the hide of evry trunk ther was thar,
stowin 'em away in the cars-some people
was runnin about bidding good-by with
ther friends, aud tellin 'em not to forgit a
heap of things-and sum was kickin up
rumpus cause they could Mt see their
trunks after they was put in the cars.
Bimeby evry thing was fixed, and here
cum old Beelzebub, with his fire, smoke,
sutbags and thuuderations, to carry US to
Charlston. When | saw that cverlastiu,
black, ugly thing cum chug up agn the
cars for 'em to tackle it Oh, fzzin and fry
in, and smokin like tar kill, thought
how if was hos or a mule, Id take my
hat off to it. If ther ever was thing
what deserves vote of thanks from all the
pullin generation of animals, l think it's
the locomotive ingine. Jest to think, the
amount of hos flesh it has saved since it
tuck to carryin the mails. A locomotiv
always seems to me to cum nearer livin
animal, than any other machine invented
by man, specially sense they've got to hol-
lerin at the COWS when they get on the
track. It's monstrous fractions, ,spiteful,
headstrong sort of creeter, and sumtimes
it takes it into its he'd to run off the track,
but generally speakin it's jest about as
governable as any other team, and don't
take no more to feed it accordin to its size
and strength. / can't help but have
sort of feelin for 'em, and | wouldn't no
more think of maxim 'em go without givin
'em plenty Of wood and water, than l
would of maxim my horses work without
givin 'em plenty of corn and fodder.
Ling! ling! went the bell. "All aboard,'
ses the captain, ard the next mint away
VIC went with the thunderinest rattlin,
putin and snortin ever did hear In a
few minits Hamburg was out of sight,and
the pine trees went dancin along behind
US, as if ther roots couldn't hold 'em in
the ground when they saw US comm among
'sm.
fher amt ncthin much to interest the
traveller ON the railrode from Hamburg
to Charlston and if man can't find no
company in his own thoughts, he's mon
strous apt to be lonesome. Along at the
fust thcr wasn't many passengers and most
of them was preachers what had been up
to Augusty to tend convention. They
was the dryest set of old codgers ever
met with, til the joltin of the cars shuck
up thcr idees little, and then they fell
to disputin about religion like all rath.
After q while one old feller, what had his
he'd tied up with red Gotten handkerchief
and didn't belong to the same church with
the rest of 'em, mixed in with 'em and in
about five minits they got into one of the
hottest kind Of arguments bout sprinklin
and dippin. The old hardshell laid about
him like rath, and the louder the racket
and the more dust the cars made, the lou
der the feller fred away at EN-, and when
ever he stopped for breth, two or three of
the others was down on him like q Yam
kee thrashin-machine. They KEEP up one
everlastin string Of argument about forty
five miles long, and to them what sot
little ways off from 'cm, and could only
hear few words now and then,it sounded
zactly like reglar cussin match ; and
sumtimss they'd !oOk at one another like
they meant jest what they sed. Bimeby
the old hardshell caved in for want of
breth, and all the rest of the way be was
hockin and hemin, and ,ryin to git the dust
and sinders out of his wiu1.,;no
RATHER SEvERE-A lady was reques.
'eo oy q bachelor, somewhat advanced in
years. to take seat upon bis knee while
IN crowded. sleinh ,.N a. q,