Richmond daily Whig. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1842-1861, 1856-07-17
Democratic Quackery.

The approach OF pestilence always inaugurstes the
high solemnity days OF quacks and charlatans Over
PROSTATE manhood and langushing mortality, they
then stalk triumphant-he arbiters Of life, the vice
roys of DEATH and the grand purveyors of the grave
They then pace the earth with more professional
step, assume more portentous look, and shroud
their speech with a double portion of mystery
Charms bones and herbs gathered in the planetary
hour acquire ncomprehensible efficacy. With
laneuid acquescence in the demands Of credulity,
the wretched patient easily submits to the boldeSt
empire and the most resounding promises Such
is the miserable condition OF the Body Polite, and
such the awe-inspiring demeanor IT the assembled
mountoLanks.
Four wears ago we were phoie, without cariOus
tooth or a defective limb were rejoicing in the
full flush OF youthful vigor the national pulse beat
high aud all the world observed, with respectful ad-
miration the elastic step OF our giant Republic, IN
the grand march Of nations. But then 1T uniortu-
nately became subject to the clinics of Democratic
charlatans. who, like Molieres Mock-Doctor, soon
" changed all that" They were theoretically com
,nitted TO the of emetics and bloodetting, and
they at once administered most nauseatiug drug,
cuIled among the simples OF New Hampshire, and
accompanied the dose with phlebotomy, to the tune
OF seventy millions per annum. Finding some ten
erneSs in the region of Kansas which they ascribed
TO the presence of black bile they forthwith applied
a most irritating and cantharidean plaster called
the Reeder Adhesive, using, in the meantime an oc-
casional infusion of Abolition TO sweeten the blood,
and expel the of inflammation
The natural result of these heroic remedies is APP
parent in the utter arrangement of the system and
the partial paralysis of its most important organs
And now the medicine men swell and enlarge them
selves beyond measure \ se'en-old mystery m
vests their brows-a more uncompromising empha-
sis burdens their paAver They are for perSistng
in the practice that FRUSTRATED and for doubling the
dose that sckened True, the patient is in convul-
sions but then their method Of cure, according to
the latest recipe OF quackery is to throw the suffer
er into fits because they are death on fits. The
Democracy only, il is now said can restore him
from the painful condition to which the Democracy
have brought him they only can pioneer out of the
maze of evil because they alone planned and con-
structed the labyrinth. We are earnestly reminded
of an old and faithful saying containing the wisdom
of ages packed into the portable compass of pro-
verb that - the hair Of the dog is good for his
bite"
or course we profess becoming reverence, as
we'll for the palsy-shaken crone whose ranging &C.
MUS first gathered this precious sprg OF practical
philosophy as for the amiabe and disnterested Zeal
OTIS who commend it to our acceptance. But 1t Is
rather hard to induce poor fellow still suffering
from the pangs Of Snarleyow, to incur the hazard
Of a second worrying in the pursuit Of doubtful
specific Compared with such employment, the
Devils game of "shearing the hog is safe aud sal
utary exercise. Ii is beyond the responsiveness
even Of the Phil-Hellenist OF the Enquirer, though
the bees that swarmod about the mouth of Plato may
have settled ON his lips during his pleasant so
ionrn in Athens TO beguie one, under such crcurn-
stances into the Socratic habit of swearing by the
dog" He will rather lay TO heart the warning
motto of the Baron Of Bradwardne cd"em-
Beware of Bucks bite
And now when the last iuttering ray ofconiidence
in the chief physcian-the of gallipots from
Concord-is blown away by a storm Of general dis
gust it begins TO be admitted that he was, at best,
but an adyenturer n mere knaVish Gil Bias scanGly
provided with cabalistic secrets and cunningy dis
guised in the robes OF the great Sangrado But they
have now secured the services Of the genuine Master
himself kindly furnished by fate, in our moment oil
extreme need from the famous school Of Ostend--
"Ostendant ferris hume tdHtum fdtG'-whose un
falling lancet spares not the tainted blood OF his own
veins. There is no more deception-he is 90 Bus
ter" aud his followers are dIIibusters lie walks
gowned" with all the concomitants Of overpowering
professional dignity. Like his prototype, who paced
the streets Of Paris, preceded by a small boy pro
claiming "my father all the maIadies Of tn,
world" to which he modestly replied, the chile
speaks TRUTH" our newcomer bows his aurelle,
head, with courtly acquescencc, to the praises u
the Enquirer, which heralds his advent with chan
10 the tune Of
"Grcat Doctor Caustic Is the sage
Whose merit gids this Iron agcl"
This woodworking medicine man, Of course
continues the depicting system Of his predecessor
but at the same time recommends to the patient
long cruise in the low attitudes and steaming water
Of the Caribbean sea, aud permanent abode in TIA
tropical swamps Of Nicaragua his Southern il
stincts leading him to prefer the yellow fever
20 fits an infallible specific for the many ills
life God grant the Commonwealth saie doliye
Rnce
Mr. Filmore's declaration that the South would ju
tilted in withdrawing from the Union 10 the Of Il
election of Northern sectional candidate by the Nortl
States, annoyf the champions Of Black RepubEca
ism extremely The Herald bestows column and a Id
upon the subject aud abors sturdily prove that such
result should not aud probably would not cnsue We
happy think that she Herda logic will hold vat,
We agree With writer n the Enquirer, though Tor dn,
cnt reasons in precrrug Fremont 70 buchanan We tH
that the about good the other ia the absaC
fnaNaa a.