Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1856-05-16
A WIFE IN ExrASY AND A A0s'
BAND IN FIDGETS.

has got piano. and now farewell tho
TRANQUIL mind-farewcll content and the
evening pap.rs and the big cigars tha;
make ambition virtue-oh. farewell!
And oh. yc mortal engines. whose rude
threats the immortal Jove's dread clam
ors countcr!eit;' but stop. l can't BIZ
tn IN farewell, for one OF them has jus:
trs.ycd.
1t com, on dray. Six men carried i.
into the p,rlor. and it grunted awfully,
1t wei chs a s.n, shines like mirror, and
has carved Cupids climbing up Its limbs.
And such lunys-whew My wife ha'
commenced ,opractice, and the first tim,
she touched the machine, thought W.
we're in the midst of a thunder storm,
and the Lightning h I'd struck the crock
cry chests. The cat, with tail erect.
took bee line for a particular friend
upon tho back fence, demolishing slx
shilling pane ofglass. The baby "woke,
and the little fellow tried his best to beat
the instrument. but he didn't do it. 1t
beat him. A teacher has been intro
duccd into the house. He says he is the
las: Of Napolcon's graud army. He
wears huge mustache, looks at me
iercsly, smells OF garlic. and goes by the
name Of Cunt Run-away-and-never-
come back-a sain-by. He played an ex.
tr.c, dc ,pera the other night. He run
his fingers through his hair twice, then
grinned. then he cooked his eyes up at
the ceiling, like monkey hunting flies,
then down came ne Of his fingers, and l
heard a deli shtfu! sound. similar to that
produced by cockroach dancing upon
the tenor string ola fiddle. Down came
mother finger, and ] was reminded ofthe
, wind whistling through knot hole in
hen coop. He touchad his thumb, aud
| thought was in an orchard listening
10 the distant h1aying Of a jackass. Now.
he ran his fingers along the keys. and
thought of boy rafting STICK upon q
picket fence. All ofa sudden be stopped,
ana thought something had happened.
Then down CAME both fists, and Oh,
Lord! such noise was never heard be-
fore. thought hurricane had struck
the house, and the walls were caving in,
[ imagined ! Was in the cellar, and ton
Of coal falling upon my head. ! thought
tho rnachiuc had burst, when the Internal
noise stopped, and he I'd my wife cjao-
ulate--
Exqnisi:e.'
/ What the deuce is the matter >
/ The answer was--
Why. dear, that. La Somnambula !!
Somnambula' thought /; and the
Count rolled up his sheet Of paper. He
calls it music; but for the life Of me,
can't make it look like any thing else
than rail fence with q lot Of juvenua
nigsers climbing over it. ,
i Before that instrument Of torture came
into the house, l could enjoy myself, but
now every darneh woman in the neigh
borLood must be invited to hear the new
piano. and every time the blasted thing
!, shrieks out. like locomotive with the
bronchitis. have to praise its tones, when
the invited guess are playing, have 70
say
:, Exquisite 'Dclightfal! Heavenly
and all such trash, viii c at the same
time, | know Just as much about music
as blind goldfish. There are more tup-
ing hammers than comforts in our house,
. and and wish the inventor Of tho pi.
! ano was troubled with perpetual! night
mare, and obliged to sleep in one OF hi.
= instruments i. Il his life. AS for myself
. | had rather pu. my head under tin pa.
6 and be drumed to death with pair O
:, :, smoothing iron, than hear La Somnam
bula or any other La thumpcd out Of
piano. Scatter pennies in front Of M!
house. and draw together all the wxndc!
ing ministries in the city-hand organs
= banjos, Fl dies. tamborines. rattiin,
10 bones and fish horns; lie, Juvenile mon
- keys crawl into my windows in search O
Il three cent pieces; let me be awakene
y at midnight by the cry OF murder rim
>, - the FIRE bells and have devil Of tim
:. gcnerally-do all this, and l will nc
" complai, but banish the pianos! NJ
i piano has got to lgo. am gong I
launch the Internal thing ont Of the win
y dow the first daIk night, and. my friend'
E | advise you to sleep with cotton in you
ears, or when she gives her. dying grun
you'll think you We fallen out Of bed, G
a fallen star has gone to roost on you
housctop.
y For the information OF Young Amer
il Ca ! viii s'atc that all the pieces Of bra.
wire and ivory keys they are welcome h
but ths skeleton want for refrigerat..
II SAD ACCIDENT. - 4 little son Of Mr.. {
r Bridges. Buckspr', OH Tuesday Ja.l
a while playing on nle OF bmrds tell ot