Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1852-1859, 1856-08-08

B- 4 contemporary gives vent to the follow
ing concerning Pianos:
The deed is accomplished. My wife has got q
piano, sand now farewell to the tranquil mind
farewell content and the evening papers and
the big cigar that makes ambition yirtue-oh,
farewell! And oh; we mortal engines, whose
rude threats the immortal Joye's dread clamors
counterfeit but stop, l can't bid them fare
well. for one Of them has Just arrived. 1t came
on q dray. Six men carried it into the parlor,
and it grunted awfully. 1t weighs ton, shines
like mirror, and has carved Cupids climbing
up its limbs. And such lungs-whew! My
wife has commenced to practice and the first
time she touched the machine, Thought we were
in the midst Of thunder storm, and the light
ming had struck the crockery. chests. The cat,
with tail erect, took bee line for particular
FREUD upon the back fence, demoishing a six
shilling pane of glass. The baby awoke, and
the little fellow tried his best TO beat the instru-
Inent, but he didn't do it 1t beat him. \
teacher has been introduced into tho house. He
says he is the last OF Napoleon's grand army.
He wqirs huge moustache looks at me fierce
ly, smells Of garlic, and goes by the name OF
Count Runaway -and-never-come-ba ck-again.-
He played an extract de opera the other night.
He run his finger through his hair twice, then
tgrinned, then he cooked his eyes up at the cell
ing, like monkey hunting flies then down
came one Of his fingers, and heard . delight
full sound, similar to that Of q crockrOach, dane
ing upon the tenor string of fiddle. Down
came another finger, and was reminded Of the
wind Whistling through the not hole of hen
coop. he touched his thumb, and thought
was in an orchard, listening to the distant bray
ings of iackass Now he ran his finger along
the KEYS, and l thought ola boy rafting stick
upon picket fence. AL offs sudden he stop
ped, and / thought something had happened
Then doUr, came both lists, and OH such noise
I,aE, bV,rsr
I had struck the house and tho walls were caving
in. immagined was in the cellar, and a ton
OF coal was falling upon my head. thought
the machine had burst, when the Internal noise
stopped, and ] heard my wife calculate, SIX
quisitc What the dUce is the matter!-
The answer was, "Why dear, that's La Som
Damhula I" "Dlame Somnambula!n thought /
and the Count rolled up his sheet of paper. He
calls it music; but for the life ofme, cant make
it look like any thing else but rail fence with
q lot ofjuyeniie niggers climbing over it. Before
that instrument Of torture came into tho house,
] could enjoy myself but now every darned wo-
man in the neighborhood must be invited TO hear
the new Pia.io, andevery time the blasted thing
ahrieSs out, like locomotive with the bronchitis
Ihave to praise its tones, and when the invited
guests are playing. have to say "Exquisite!-
Delightful HeaYenlyio and all such trash, while
at the same time, I know just as much about mu-
sic rs a blind Goldfish. There are more tuning
hammers than comforts about our house, and
and wish the inventor of the piano was trou-
sbled with perpetual night marc, and obligat-
ed 20 sleep Ia one of his instruments all his life
8 AS for myself, had rather put my head under
tin pan and be drummed to sleep with pair
OF smoothing irons, than hear ia Somnambnla, -
or any otherLa, thumped out Of piano Scat.
ter pennies in front of my house, and draw to-
gether all the wandering mtnstrels in the city
ss.hand organs, fddles, banjos, tambourines,
rafting bones and fish horns. Let Juvenile
monkeys crawl in at my windows in search of
three cent pieces-let me be awakened at mid
night by the cry Of murder. ring the fire bells
and hayea time genefally do all this, and will
bot complain; but Danish the pianosl My piano
has got 70 90. lam going 70 launch the infer
nal machine out 1t the window the first dark
nieht and my friends, IadVise you to sleep with
eaton IN your ears, OF when she gives her dy-
ing eTunt, yon WI think You have fallen ont Of
bed 81 ALLEN stae his 5ohe 70 rOost upon your
housetops Fer ne Information Of young
Anerie IN siate ~ the pieces Of brass
~ a6d IA Issys fbsY sre Welcoipe H. but
elstsa J want n refrigerator.