Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1856-05-02
EVENING STAR.
Mr.. Wrigglemess becomes Acquainted with
the Owl Department,

the Owl Department.
After a succession of heavy SHOWS tn at prom
| ised to remain intact until July, and the un
checked heaping of all manner of flth in the
streets for several months, our friend, Mr.
| Wrigglemess, was prepared to see, about the
first Of April, highways in the vicinity of his
| dwelling that might have been considerably
cleaner. Mr.. W. had heard of the Auga an
stables, and had an idea that they must have
been very dirty indeed, and that the great
| hostler Hercules must have had a good time
| generally in getting down TO the genuine
| floor, or terra frmo. Nevertheless, the as
pect of the streets at this period caused Mr..
| W.'s eyes to grow considerably larger than
his spectacle glasses Wrigglemess had a
distinct Tecoliections of having paid his taxss.
| From all that he could learn, he inferred that
many thousands of good citizens had done
| likewise. He had read in the daily papers
that there was particular department of the
city government organized for the especial
purpose of taking charge of the streets 1t
was said that certain persons had contracted
to keep these streets clean for many thousands
| of dollars, and although sOme people mur-
INJURED at the expense, good citizens were
| willing to pay the sums mentioned to escape
| pestilential and odoriferous thorougbfsres
| Yet, right before the door of Mr.. Wriggle.
messs domicil lOomed up glaciers of snow
and ice, ornamented with Alps of filth; and,
at length, to apply the capstone to the won.
| der, two departed cats and a defunct Tray
were thrown upon the ofal ridge. Mr.. w.
| was not long in arriving at the conclusion that
the government could know nothing of this
state Of afairs-the great Street Department
could not tolerate such a nuisance, and as the
efluvia was becoming something less pleasant
than the perfumes of Araby the Blest, he, at
| the suggestion of friend, determined to find
| q remedy, was there one to find.
4 T. sI 81 g. L 4
| luck of trouble. While contemplating the
| street from the front window, he saw a num-
! Der cf sleepy looking individuals, with brooms
and scrapeTs in their hands, leisurely sweep.
ing and scraping away at the conglomeration
| of substances beyond the curb. Occasionally
they would stop, lean upon their implements
| and discuss politics. Then they would make
rows Of heaps, like little children playing
among sand. Goggles, a next door neighbor
of Mr. w, gouty and somewhat vehement in
his hOarse speech, suddenly jerked his head
out of the window and exclaimed
Wrig-mess See them rascals. They
belong to the Owl Department. Them's the
broom Owls. Watch en- The rascals can't
eat dirt heaps and dead dogs. Confouud 'em,
they're playin' round the mud ~
Mr.. w had seen various species of the owl
He couldn't On this occasion, perceive any
very great degree of similarity between the
scavengers and owls. But the former did GER
tainly appear to be very dim-sighted in re.
gard to the worst portions Of the street. He
called out to ono Of the owls, and asked him
why he didn take away the carcass lying on
the dirt heaps
"The cats, is it yez name! Och, no, in
dade. That's for the supervisor to take away"
replied one of the scayeDger owls, and he went
on with his work.
Wrigglemess procured the company of Cog
giles, who was more man of the world than
himself, and determined to go and see the Su-
peIvisor. Goggles went, in spite of his dainty
foe, his heavy rotundity in the region Of the
turtle receptacle, and although he knew that
but little could be expected to result from the
trouble taken.
The Supervisor was at home. Goggles called
him the PTowling Owl, always running about,
never seen busy, and invariably blind to the
existence Of any nuisance in the highways.
The Prowling Owl said it was the duty of the
high cOnstables to enforce the ordinances,
and TO see that all nuisances were removed.
The high constables of the district wero hunt
ed up, and that was hunt that caused Cog
giles to blow and use profane language. q.
designated the high constables as Horned
Owls. They were kept to frighten good peo-
pie into obeying the ordinances, but were as
blind as other owls to the existence Of any
nuisances in their section Of the city, And
Wrigglemess obtained no satisfaction from
the Horned Owls, except the cheap counsel
to 60 to the contractors who had engaged to |
cleanse the highways and byways for many
thousands of dollars. w. and G. went to the |
contractors, who told the oomplainants to mind |!
their own business; that nobody has a right |
to call them to account except the Grand
Thomas Owl, who presided over the Depart
ment Wrigglemess deported with large
flea in his ear, and a faint wonder whether |
this was a government of the people. Cog
giles said he knew it-tho contractors were
in the system-they were Mousing Owls, al |
ways looking after fat mice in jobs.
From the contractors the couple of citizens
went to the Commissioners Of Highways.
They surlily replied that they had nothing to
do with removing nuisances 1t was the sum
total Of their business to overlook the Super |
visors
"What a heap of overlooking the depart
ment requires )" exclaimed Wrigglemess
"No wonder they overlook the mud, saw
agely blurted out Goggles. "Them's the /
Bleeding Owls-their principal business is to /
bleed people that want work done in their /
neighborhOod."
At length the couple came to the headquar-
ters of the Owl Department. Here they found |
the Grand Thomas Owl in state, surrounded |
by an army of clerks, whose principal task
appeared to be to worry through the hours
from 9 a m. to p. m. The Grand Owl was /
not approachable. He was rapt in the mazes
of speculation, and no plain, humble citizen,
who merely wanted particular portion Of the
public work attended to, would dare to trouble /
his august Owlship The Grand Thomas mo-
toned to clerk to attend to the gentlemen
in waiting. The gentlemen alluded to told |
their story, and the clerk, merely opening his /
sleepy eyes with is-that-all sort Of a stare,
said he would make a note of it and notify the /
contractor. No further satisfaction could be |
obtained, and Wrigglemess and Goggles were |
compelled to return home, after long hunt |
from owl to owl, with the profound assurance \
that the case was hopeless.
That night Wrigglemess had bad dreams.
He was surrounded with owls Of all shapes
and sizes, who, after many opportunities, had
consented to remove his carcas, which had
been substituted for that of the dead dog on
the mud heap. But as they were about taking
him off, much to his qualification, strange to
say, with wild screecb, the Grand Thomas
wi rushed in, and exclaiming that he could Mt
permit such a monstrous innovation upon the
practice of the department. scattered the owl
ish officials to their respective nests-PAi@a-
dsiphiG american. |