Daily American organ. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1856, 1856-05-24
How they Clean Hssse where DOesticli
81 Boards. Ela FhM
From his /" Letters 70 the New YOrker,",V

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- Boards.
From his Letters 70 the New YOrker,"V
They begin at the top Of the house, move al the
chamber furniture into the cellar, and give the bed
rooms into the keeping Of amphibious Hrecian
maidens with the skirts pinned TO the back of their
necks--these modern mermaids soak the room for
two days in hot water and iather the floor with
soap, amusing themselves meanwhile getting roar
ing drunk on the private brandy Of the boardsrs.
These latter uniortunates peryade the establish
ment in all directions, seeking for something 20
eat, which they don't get, and searching for their
beds, which they never fnd.
remember the house-cleaning season as time
when We always had picked-np Goldfish tor break
fast because 1t is easy TO cook and dash OF black
pepper hides all the extra dirt--when we drank
our coffee out Of Sin basins and poured the miik
out Of gravy boats when q pie dish did duty as
sugar basin--when we eat our broiled mackerel OH
OF pickeplates with kitchen forks, the sser being
alllocked up TO keep Il from the white-washers--
when. instead OF napkins, we had night caps and
pocket handkerchiefsin about equal proportions
when we burnt our fingers making our own toast,
and then couldn't get anything to grease i with but
cooking buffer, which speedily resolved itself into
lbs original elements, lard oil and cheap salt. In
my last place the landlady always drank herself
full Of beer Immediately after breakfast, and then
staggered about the house making insane efforts
to sweep cob.webs or the wall with q case-knife.
slept that hight on lounge In the back par
Tor. from which rolled off four times, the last
occasion making an extra revolutions which brought
my head over the furnace register, so that when \
awoke It was half cooked. aroused, however,
before was done through, and camped out on the
carpet till morning. II $50
Got up early with q stiff neck, and went to my
room to perform my daily lathering penance with
the brush and razor j yOlnnteereda clean shirt,
went to my drawer to get it. On top OF the spot
less linen therein bestowed, discovered that the
motherly care of Mrs. @. had placed four pairs OF
old boots, a fluid lamp, and bottle Of cologne
The top Of the lamp had come oil $50 had the
cork Of the bottle--the shirt was fragrant with
camphene but the collar was strongly scented
with cologne, so the average smell was fair. fsal
During these days POtpie andthe gentle Desde-
mona did not neglect their opportunities AS
soon as they could steal the key of the bookcase
they took set Of the Waverley novels in seventy
eight volumes, made house thereof in the back
yard, on the roots Of the grape vine, and built q
fire in it for Fourth Of July celebration. The
conhagration was only stayed when Rob Roy and
Ivanhoe were quite consumed. ,.s. .n.atlgi
The Bride of LammerInoor was ruined and moth
ingleft Of Kenilworth but the overs Thatsame day
the young man nearly cut his sisters nose of try
ing TO shave her with my razor They Of course,
searched every drawer In the house land once
they had desperate quarrel about the ownership
of my cigar case, he claiming BY capture and she
by right Of discovery, as she had found 1t In the
pocket Of my Sunday coat The brother was furi-
ous--at last Potpie seemingly yielded, but only 20
ultimately triumph by treachery. In the course
of the afternoon he entrapped her into whiskey
barrel, under pretence Of playing circus when,
he once had her safely inside, he headed her up
by mailing board across the top with q hatchek
and made deliberate preparations 70 drown her In
to submission by administering dirty soap suds IN
four quart doses-fat man heard her cries for
mercy, and arrived at the spot as the exultant
victor was posing pailfnl of the delectable
fluid above her head, and she was llumbly sning
for peace through the bunghole fiat man deliv-
cred short lecture as he liberated the besieged
heroine, while the baffied Potpie stoned him from
a defiance 7,l.sIss g8
On the last day Of this memorable time, was
turned over to the tender mercies Of strange
cook, Mr.. o. and All the regular *helpn being
engaged Ia sanguinary war Of determination up
stairs, with multitude of interlopers who bad
colonized the bedsteads, and who were strong
enough In numbers and otherwise to have offered
an effective resistance had they been united, but
not being unanimous IN their opposition, they
were overcome and sacrificed In detail. 9@
Biddy, the strange girl, Il probably q good girl
at heart but she has her little eccentrcities She
fried my potatoes with the skins on, and the eggs
without taking Of the shells. She boiled my
steak IN the tea kettle, and in trying to fish II out
with the broom stick she dropped 1t into the ashes
asked for a glass Of water, she brought me some
in soup ladle and presented Il ct me like mus
ket From this latter manoeuyre I suspected that
she had been drinking this impression was
strengthened when, on my replying IN the atirmari
tive TO her inquiry whether would bare some
a apple dnmplina she brought me piece of rice
pie on gridiron-but did not consider her Rbs0-
iutely drunk until she attempted TO pour my sec
ond cup Of tea out Of the rolling pin. Upon this
/ Immediately withdrew from the presence, leaving
Biddy propped up against the dresser, singing
Crock abye-baby,n and trying to nurse hat-iron,
evidently under the impression that 1t was her own
even when her maternal instinct led her 70 turn u
bottom side up and spank II for making such a
noise, but she sank into calm repose with her
head in candle box, hugging her cast iron baby
to her oleaginous bosom, with true parental sole
tude. M sai s4T 81.