The north Iowa times. [volume] (M'Gregor [i.e. McGregor], Iowa) 1856-1857, 1856-11-14
NJ wIrH's PIANO.

NJ wuHs PIANO.
The deed is accomplished. Ny wifi
has got . piano, land now farewell tn
tranquil mind-farewell content and even
ing papers, and the big cigars that mak'
ambition virtue-oh, farewell! And oh
ye moral engines whose rude throats tn
immortal Jove's dread clamors counter
felt - But stop, can't bid them fare
well, for one of them has just come. L
cam on dray. Six men carried it int
the parlor, and it grunted awfully. /
weighs ton, shines like mirror. and
has carved Cupids climbing up its legs
And such lungs-wheN Ny wife has
commenced to practice. and the first time
she touched the machine / thought We
were in the midst of thunder storm, and
the lightning had struck the crockery
chest. The cat, with tail erect, took q
bee line for particular friend upon fence,
demolishing six-shilling pane of glass
The baby awoke the little fellow tried his
best to beat the instrument, but he didn't
do tit beat him.
A teacher has been introduced into the
house. He says he is the last of Napol-
cons grand army. He wears long nous
tache. looks at me fercely, smells Of gar
lie and goes by the name of Count Run
away and d-never-come-b -back-again-by. He
ran his fingers through his hair twice,
then grinned. then cooked his eyes up at
the ceiling like a monkey hunting flies.
then down came one of his fingers, and l
heard delightful sound. similar to that
produced by crockroach upon the tenor
string of a fiddle. Down came another,
and l was reminded Of the wind whist
ling through knot hole in hen COOP
He touched his thumb, and thought l
was in peach orchard listening to the
braying of q jackass. Now he runs his
fingers along the keys, and I thought of a
boy rattling upon picket fence. All Of
a sudden he stopped and | thought some
thing had happened. Then came down
both fists. and oh, my! such noise was
never heard before. thought hurri-
cane had struck the house and the walls
were caving in. imagined l was in the
cellar and q ton of coal falling on my head.
l thought the machine had burst, when the
internal thing stopped and I heard my
wife exclaim
Exquisite -
"What the deuce is the matter -
The answer was:
"Why, dear, that's Somnambula."
"Confound Somnambula p thought
and the Count rolled up his sheet.
He calls it music, but for the life of me
! can't make it look like any thing else
than rail fence with lot of Juvenile
niggers climbing over it. Before that in
strument of torture came into the house
! could enjoy myself, but now every old
woman in the neighborhood must be in
vited to hear the new piano, and every
time the thing shrieks out, like locomo.
tive with the bronchitis, have to praise
its tone, and when invited guests are play.
ing. Ihave to say: "Exquisite!" Delight
full !" Heavenly" and all such trash,
while, at the same time, I know as much
about music as Goldfish. There are more
tuning hammers than comfort in the house,
and l wish the inventor was troubled with
a perpetual nightmare, and obliged to
sleep in one of his instruments all his
life.
As for myself. had rather put my head
under tin pan and be drummed to sleep
with pair Of smoothing irons, than hear
'La Somnambula, " OF any other La thump.
ed out of q piano. Scatter pennies in
front of my house. and draw all the wan
dering minstrels in the city-hand organs,
banjos, iddles, tamborines, rafting bones
and fish horns-let juvenile monkeys
crawl in at my window in search of three
cent pieces-let me be awakened at mid
night by the cry of murder % ring the
FIRE bells and have great time generally
do all this and l viii not complain but
Danish the pianos. Ny piano has got to
60. ! am going to launch the internal
thing out Of the window the first dark
night, and my friends. ! advise you to
sleep with cotton in your ears, for when
she gives her dying grunt, you'll think
you've fallen out Of bed, or fallen star
has gone to roost on your housetop. For
the information Of Young America, will
state that the pieces Of brass wire and
ivory keys they are welcome to, but the
skeleton want for refrigerator.