Quasqueton guardian. (Quasqueton, Buchanan County, Iowa) 1856-1858, 1856-12-13
~ Il III 0 S.

a friend at our elbow relates n few legal an
ecdotes which are too good to be lost. They
are, of course, located "out West" that region
so famed for its luminous j%urists. The first H.
illustrates the ruling passion for poker" even
among Western members of the bar. The
Court is in session, the Judge is on the bench
and the case of SMITH vs.. BRowN is called up.
A ready" shouts the counsel for the defend
ant, but the counsel for the plaintiff does not
respond. "Who's for the plaintiff 2' inquiries
the Judge. somewhat impatiently. May it
please the court" says a rising member of the
legal fraternity, /" Pilkins is for the plaintiff,
but | left him Just now over in the tavern, play
ing a game of poker. He's got a sucker there,
and he's sure to skin him, if he only has time.
Hes got the thing all set to wiring in a cold
deck in which case he will deal himself four
aces and his opponent four queens, so that your
honor will perceive he must rake the persim-
mons The look of impotence vanished
from the face of his honor at once, and an ex-
preston more of sorrow than of anger took its
place. At length, he said, with a heavy sigh
Dear me, that's too bad! 1t happens at a very
unfortunate time. l ar very anxious to get on
with these cases !" A brown study followed
and at length a happy idea struck the Judge.
"Bill," said he, addressing the friend of the alb
sent Pilkins, who had spoken, you understand
poker about as well as Pilkins-suppose you
go over and play his hand y
At another time, counsel took exception to the
ruling of the Court on a certain point, and q
dispute arose. elf the Court please said the
counsel, 81 wish to refer to this book a mo-
ment," at the same time picking up o large law
volume. There's no use o your referring to
any books" exclaimed the Court, angrily. 81
have decided the pint p But, your Honor .
persisted the lawyer. Now l don't want to
! haap opVthipp fr,rtbar on {ha erh,a,@ ,, ,-l1ol
the Court. 81 tell YOU again, l have decided
the pint.!' 81 know that was the reioinder,
!" Pm satisfied of that-but this is a volume of
Blackstone-Im certain he differs with your
honor, and | only want to show you WHAT A
By FOOL BLACKSTONE wAs!" "Ah, that
indeed p exclaimed the Court, smiling all over,
" nop you begin to talk"
On a similar occasion the affair did not end
so happily. TIL Court decided a point adverse
to the views of counsel. Counsel was stubborn.
and insisted that the Court was wrong. al
tell YOU l am right" yelled the Court, with
flashing eyes. 81 tell you, you are not y re-
torted the counsel. 81 am right p reiterated
the Court, damn a niger if l ain't!' "Isay
you ANTI persisted the counsel. "Crier! p
yelled the Judge, =" adjourn this court for ten
minutes !" And jumping from the bench, he
pitched into the counsel, and after q very lively
little fight, placed him hoss 9u combat, after
which business was again resumed. But it was
not long before another misunderstanding arose.
"Crier," said the Court, I" we will adjourn this
time for twenty minutes !" And be was about
taking off his coat, when the counsel said,
Never mind, Judge, keep your seat-the pint
is yielded-my thumbs out o jint, and I've
sprained my shoulder"
THE WAKE OF PADDY BURKE, AND HOW 1T
ENDED.-The Wake Of Teddy the Tier" the
{" Wake of Teddy Rowe and the wakes of
many other distinguished Milesians, have been
duly chronicled in song, but the ballad detail
ing the particulars of Paddy Burke's wake has
got to be written. Patrick, a nate lad, kind
hearted and true, resides, when he's at home,
on Eleventh Avenue. Though poor, he is hon
est, and never will shirk the chance, in or out
Of the city, of work, and a short time ago, all
his luck having 4lown, he stsEed To look up a
job out of town. He went, but not more than a
few days had fled, when alas his wife Catha-
rine heard be was dead. She was told that he
had been killed by the railroad, and that up
the river she'd find the dead body of Pat. So
she went as directed, and found that it was
trutll-she found lying mangled the love of her
youth, and III sorrow she called ON her neigh
bors 10 take him TO her home in the city, " the
way they might wake him." SO Pat was wax
ed, hearsed, and the funeral started, but scarce
had 1t gone when the wept-for departed arrived
ut his house and proceeded up stairs and was
dreadtully shocked at the state of affairs. He
found the door locked against him. "Arrah,
Catharine," cried he, that are we keepin' me
out for 7 Don't We know, love, it's me J" No
answer he got, SO he went to the door of q
neighbor who'd laid him out two nights before.
He Knocked, and at once was the door opened
wide, and his ~neighbor gazed at him in terror,
then cried Holy Virgin protect me an sphare
me dear life r Said Pat, in a passion, swhist.
where's me wife !" Sure she's gone to your
funeral" the trembling dame said. ITO me
funeral !" cried Pat. Blood an ouns' I'm not
dead !" "Troth We are p cried the dame, "mav
yer soul rist wild God, for by this time Yer body;s
laid under the sodp.' Pat started at once Tor
the burying ground, and quickly the funeral
party he found by good luck they had only
began their sad work when Paddy stepped up /;
BY me sowl, Mrs. Burke" he said, as he ogled
her with a grin, to bury a man fore he's dead
is u sin !" All, then such a scene rs ensued
The men few-Mrs. Burke swooned away as
she moaned "whirrusthrew |" And Pat, in de-
spair, had to lather a host of his friends, to con-
vince them he wasn't a ghost. They had got
the wrong man. so the corpse was not buried,
but taken instead to the Bellevue Hospital,
where a ~coroner's inquest was held upon il on
Thursday, and a verdict rendered, " That the
unknown deceased came to his death by being
run over OH the HUDSON River Railroad, at Tar
rytown."-N. Y. Dispatch.
A HARD Boy AND 4 PloUs FATHEn-"A few
days since" writes j. ID. f., of ST. Louis, " in
company with one of the best of his race, and
a resident Of Chanton county, of this State, he
told the following anecdote concerning a local
preacher in his section, who, being a veritable
parsonage, will suppress his name. Al a So
eial meeting of his fellow church members,
among other things each was relating his causes
for 10y and sorrow, when Rev. Mr. - said !:
In my family Of children / have much cause
Of joy, and also much to distress me. There's
my son - good, r~everent, dutiful boy but
there's my son Bill, he's an audacious scamp.
H. left his poor old grey-headed father many a
day ago, and it's been a long time since I've
heard on him and when | last heard on him,
he was way an TO the Galeners, a%-raftin' saw
logs, playing seven up and hoss-racing but
thank the Lord, he's making money by the trip
Ant he, sister Y Eyes, brother, he is, and no
mistake" This is strictly true, but to be pro-
perly appreciated, ycu should hear it told as /
did"
Mrs. Dlwdlc says that one OF her boys don't
know nothing, and the other does. The ques-
ton is (Which is ahead !"
At a very learned discussion on strains, the
other day, ut the house of the learned professor,
a Mr. B., of this city, asked if there were
any strata of precious gems.