Kenosha tribune & telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1856-1859, 1856-12-25

Declaration Of War from an M. D.


broadside aimed at some of the capital
sins of man and womankind, which
amounts to nothing less than medical
declaration of war. Hear him:
Come here, thou filthy, sinking, nasty
cortemptible tobacco-chewer, whose
breath would poison our sewer, and
whose slavered lips would frighten
away night scavenger!-here, take the
Scalpel in thy trembling hand, and read
thy doom! Wilt thou make respectable
muck?-Throw away thy tobacco! Get
into big spittoon, and let the water run
over and through thee, for the next two
months; then get into vinegar vat,and
undergo thorough picking, and by
the fourth of March next mayst thou be-
come decent citizen.
Halo! you rollicking, hiccoughing, stu
pid and spewiny spalpeen of a drunkard;
lie down in that gutter and hear patient
ly our feryid virulence. What, in the
name of decency and manhood, are you
about in putting that Belzebub COM
pound of alcohol, aquafortis, and alum,
into your alimentary stew-pan? Here,
take this; it is one of our emetics. Swal-
INV ~ uOWH duu NOIulS ups uhN NV ~
swab you out with NORWOOD tea and
some of our "Capsicum Catsup." We
know what's good for you. Hand over
your money, and tyour lluddled brains
(if you have any left,) to work on its pa
ges and go anywhere that we send you
BlackwelPs Island, if we say so; but go
at once and have our prohibitory liquor
law enforced at the point of the Scalpel.
Give up the liquor, or give your carcass
for dissection. Let conscience or the
crows be satisfied.
You take snuff, do you? Well, if your
nose is of no more worth than to make
dusthole of, let's make your mouth gar
bage barrel! He.e, open it, and let us
put these withered cucumbers and rotten
apples and cabbage in! Hold! there are
some sinking scraps of scrofulous COW
ibeef, and some cigar ends that have been
twice smoked and sucked. Stay!-there's
a few rotten onions, and the contents of
a spittooa from grocery store, where
you 60 to buy your dinner. Don't be an
lgry. It's just as nice as any of your uri-
mated, excremented, dried and ground
stuff We shall have to put your nose
under the hydrant until winter, and then
begin to apply oil and turpentine until
spring
My dear Miss Letitia! why do youwear
tight boots and high heels! Your fasci-
mating foot will be spoiled The pressure
will make the toes swell. You will have
most agonizing pains from corns, and
swellings from bunions. The beauty of
your feet will be lost, the springing grace
fulness of your tread will be gone; the
legs will be stiff and painful, AM You
cannot dance the fascinating schottlsche;
you will have to shuttle and amble like
spawned nag, and perhaps your ankles
may give out, and you be lame for life.
You can cultivate and improve your
natural possessions and gifts of body and
mind, but you cannot alter or change
them for the better. Your foot is just
the right size. Take care of it, wash it,
rub it, keep it clean and warm, and cul'
ltivate every toe and joint, and make it
an elegant and reliable carriage for the
body. If you put it into bonds and im'
Iprisonment, expect an ugly and trouble
some enemy. A compressed foot is one
of the most awful of deliberations. Pray
you avoid it!
madame! I tell you it is thoroughly
Outrageous! was speaking to you, Lady
Veronica Perfect! Well sir pray what
is " thoroughly outrageous? Your dress
my lady. And pray, sir, what is my dress
to you? An abomination, madam
And your Sca,pel, to me is an imperti-
nent bore shall dress as please, sir.
/ wish you would, madam. At present
you dress to please that vulgar mob Of
fools called "The Fashion" You who
have such good taste and cultivated un-
derstanding, to put yourself in shape
of parachute, and be hoped up like
hogshead of sugar, with tackling enough
about you for a packet ship! You ought
to be ashamed Of it! With a shell on
your head and dry goods store about
your heels. Are not yon foolish wo-
man to make yourself slave to the dry
goods seller and dress maker? You'll fill
the Crystal Palace alone, soon! Why,
you'd positively have to undress in the
entry, if you came to see us, for you
couldn't get into the doorway of an or
binary parlor as you are. What will be-
come of you at the equinox?
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