The weekly Columbian. [volume] (Columbia, Tuolumne Co., Cal.) 1856-1???, 1856-11-22
Clippings.

a cruef joke was played off on a dairyman
down-east recently. Some mad wags called
him at midnight, in the midst of thunder
shower. to go to the rescue of his most valuable
COW, which was choking. He rushed to the
cow-yard, and found Crummie quietly chewing
her cud. but o mange-wurzel beet in the nose OF
his pump.
WIDowS-They are the very mischief There's
nothing like 'em. If they make up their minds
to marry. it's done. We knew one that was
terribly afrighted at thunder and lightning. and
every time storm come ON she would run into
Mr. Browns house, Che was q widower,) and
clap her little hands. and fly around, till the
man was half distracted for fear she would be
killed; and the consequence was, she was Mrs
Brown. before three thunder storms ratified over
their heads
Wonder if she ever got scared at a thunder
storm altar she was Mrs. Brown.
Il stand" said Western stump orator, ION
the broad platform of the principles Of '98, and
palsied be my arm if desert 'um." You stand
on nothing OF the kind!' interrupted little
shoemaker in the crowd; "you stand in my
boots, that you never paid me for, and | want
the money"
Moore mentions in his diary very amusing
anecdote of John Kemble. He was performing
one night at some country theater. in one of his
to time by the squaling of child in one of the
galleries, he became not little angry at the ri
valperOrmance. Walking with solemn step to
the front of the stage. and addressing the audi
cnce in his most tragic tone. he said
Unless tie Play is stopped, the child can not
possibly go on.''
The loud laugh which followed this ridiculous
transposition of his meaning, relaxed even the
nerves of the melancholy Hamlet and he was
cOmOelled To Ian oh with his auditors
in peculiarly perplexing predicament-Thos
who have visited the Fair at the Crystal Palace
must have noticed the patent alarm bed-a
down east invitation. The purpose of these
beds is to prevent a person from oversleeping
himself. or if he does not wake at the time the
alarm is sounded, the machinery operates in
such manner as to chuck him out upon the
floor, much to his establishment. For instance,
when person wishes to retire to bed. he winds
up an alarm clock attached to the bed and sets
it at the hour he wishes to get up. At the ap
pointed hour the alarm sounds. and if the sleep
er is awakened he may arise: but if he does not
awake, the machinery Of the clock, operating
on lever. upsets the bed frame, and the oceu-
pant is tilted out upon the floor. The bed is
worthy the inspection of heads of families. who
have the care of sluggards and sleepy heads.
We have good story to tell in connection
with one of those beds Gays the Uncle Sam.
Posting" paper.) A friend of ours recently
got married to lovely and interesting young
woman. In the house of the brides father
where the wedding took place one of tho alarm
beds had just previously been introduced. The
wedding party was very large, fashionable. and
everything went off with the utmost marrment
being of the most generous kind. Al length
the feastng over, and the hour OF milniGht
fbo u ar,6 c-r+
to grow dim in the house. The old folks"
limited gently about sleeping. and the bride and
her lord grew weary and impatient. 1t vas
easily seen that they wished to be alone. and
the lady was accordingly escorted to her cham
Der. to which blissful heaven the blusking
bridegroom soon followed her.
We will not attempt to draw n pictnrc OF
what ensued but suffice ii to say that while the
interesting pair were in the midst OF one Of the r
most interesting tete-a-taes clicking was ar'i,
and the astonished couple, the next instant.
found themselves launched on the floor N the
middle of the room. fast locked in each Others
arms. holding on like good fellows, IN moncn-
tary expectation of an earthquake. They sllr
vved the shock however. The fact Of it was,
the "alarm bed had been assigned them for
their nuptial couch, and the brides youngest
brother the mischievous devil. Tom. Lad taken
tho liberty to set the alarm, at what he said he
thought would be the .'aupicious hour lie
rot his ears boxed the next morning. and or
friend W. D. S. has been suspicious Of alarm
beds ever since.