Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1856-06-02
EVENING STAR.
Wife in Ecstacy and Husband in Fidgets.

- o
The deed is accomplished Ny wife has
got piano, "and now farewell the tranquil
mind-farewell content and the evening pa
pers, and the big cigars that make ambition
virtue-oh, farewell! And oh, ye mortal en-
gines, whose rude throat the immortal Jove's
dread clamors counterfeit; but stop, 1 can't
bid them farewell, for one Of them has just
arrived.
1t come on a drsy. Six men carried it into
the parlor, and 1t grunted awfully. 1t weighs
a ton, shines like a mirror, and has carved
Cupids climbing up its limbs And such lungs,
whew. Ny wife has commenced to practice,
and the first time she touched it / thought we
were in the midst of n thunder storm, and the
lightning had struck the crockery chests. The
cat, with tail erect, took bee line for n par
ticulaf friend upon the back fence, demolish-
ing six shilling pane of glass. The baby
awoke, and the little fellow tried his best to
beat the instrument, but he didn't do it 1t
beat him A teacher has been introduced
into the house. He says he is the last of Ma
poleon. grand army. lie wears a huge NOUS
taohe, locks at me fercely, smells Of garlic,
and goes by the name of Count Runaway
and-never-come back again-by. He played
an extract de opera the other night. He run
his fingers through his hair twice, then grinned,
then he cooked his eyes up at the ceiling, like
monkey hunting Gies, then down came one
Of his fingers, and heard q delightful sound,
similar to that produced by q cockroach dan
cling upon the tenor string of fiddle Down
came another finger and was reminded of
the wind whistling through knot-hole in a
hen coop. He touched his thumb, and l
thought was in an orchard listening to the
distant braying of a jackass. Now he ran
his fingers along the keys, and I thought of a
boy rattling stick along the picket fence
All of sudden he stopped, and L thought
something had happened. Then down came
both fists, and Oh, Lord such a noise was
never heard before. 1 thought a hurricane
had struck through the house, and the walls
were caving in. L imagined / was in the cell
lar, and ton Of coal falling upon my head.
thought the machine had bust, when the
internal noise stopped, and heard my wife
calculate
Exquisite ~
What the deuce is the matter? ?"
The answer was
why, dear, that's La Somnambula '"
Somnambula" thought / (; and the Count
rolled up his sheet Of paper. He calls it mu-
sic; but for the life of me, L can't make it
look like any thing else than a rail fence with
a lot OF juvenile niggers climbing over it
Before that instrument of torture came into
the house, could enjoy myself, but now every
darned woman in the neighborh0od must be
invited to hear the new piano, aud every time
the oIaSted tninG ShrIekS out like q lOcOmO.
tive with the bronchitis, have to praise its
tones, when the invited guests are playing
have to say
E1quisite"' "Delightful!'' Heaven.
ly :" and all such trash, while, at the same
time, know ust as much about music as a
ollnd cOdhsh. There are more tuning ham,
mers than comforts in our house, and-and L
wish the inventor Of the piano was troubled
with a perpetual nightmare, and obliged to
sleep IN one Of his instruments all his life.
As for myself L had rather put my head un.
der tin pan, and be drummed to death
with pair Of smoothing irons, than to hear
La Somnambula or any other La thumped out
OF piano. Scatter pennies in front of my
house, and draw together all the wandering
mlnstrels, In the city-hand organs, banjos,
fdd!es, tamborines, rafting bones and fish
horns; let juvenile monkeys crawl into my
windows In search of three cent pieces; let me
be awakened at midnight by the cry of mur-
der; ring the fire bells and have a devil of a
time generally-do all this, and 1 will not
complain; but Danish the pianos NY piano
has got to go. am going to launch the in
fernai thing out of the window the first dark
night, and, my friends, 1 advise you to sleep
with cotton in your ears, or when she gives
her dying gruIt, you'll think you've fallen
out OF bed, or fallen star has gone to roost
on your housetop.
For the information of Young America"
will state that all the pieces of brass wire
and ivory keys they are welcome to, but the
skeleton want for refrigerator.