Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1856-02-21

g my noble family" the last OF three broth
ers-all bachelors to the last. This is one
very serious objection to single blessedness--a
fellows name is apt to die away; and on that
account should advise no one 70 be bach
elor IF he can help it. 1t wouldn't work
we'll in the long run; were the uorld-the
masculine portisn-one vast society Of " Sha-
kers or bachelors, il would be q world Of
nypocrltes-and the human family would OF
course die away. Speaking Of |" Shakers
oeIeve nad been Shaker in my youth
should have been married long ere this.
nank,na ii. is aVerse to being fettered, woman
k1nd ditto; chain them down to rules and reg
ulations-make them 20 to church sir times
every sunday-forbid intercourse between
the sexes while young-and they're mighty
apt 10 kick In the traces, and oyerset tbe
fondest wishes Of their mistaken guardians
believe I'll see Miss Susan Gable home
after meeting.
That's an awful long g-winded minister. I've
great notion to throw my boot at him. / do
hate long sermons; I'm great lover Of the
- short and sweet" doctrine, and / bslieye
that even link Of pleasure can be too " long
drawn out "
At last services are ended The last psalm
is sung, the last prayer is offered, the bene-
diction-there goes Susan. "Nou comes the
tug of war"
Miss GabbIe-Miss Susan Gabble-aIlow
Multitude of our ages-to-to-haye the su-
preme felicity-to''-
Why, what a look! Iguess she never spoke
10 gentleman before.
"0ur ages, indeed I'd have you to know,
sir, that I'm not so old as to be obliged 10
wear false hair, and false set of teeth, and -
don't wear false bosom, plague take
you nor cotton bosom7'
Home, sweet home" says Payne-and
thus says Phumble- How dear TO my heart is
bachelors hall, after the exhibition have
Just had Of woman's lack Of sense, Susan
Gabble too old for me. just as if didn't
went courtin" of her many and many's the
might've and twenty years ago; 10 my
shame tell it) just as if she wasn't proud Of
me, and would have become Mrs. Phumble
for the asking; and just as if che was as
young now as she was FIVE and twenty years
ago Oh, Sussn-Susan Gabble too we'll
have you learned the ways Of the world-too
we'll have you learned to practice the deceit
Of your class Of community. But you can't
hide the wrinkles, Susan; they brand you in
the face as q lisr-and the rose on your cheek
like your would-be girlish actions-is az false
as your swelling cotton bosom,
All, what tale bearers these old women are,
How soon the story Of my wig went over the
town; magnided and increased until / find
out my teeth are false. Told Of il to my
teeth, and them Left TO eisesc the cud Of my SOL
ltary fancles Well, well, was told was an
lpve. the other day; and that I'd get the
mitten; (this was by a young tale bearer
just beginning to develope her natural pro-
pensitiss.) was told, too, that was dead,
and that my spirit had communicated to this
world the astonishing fact, that the reason /
was never married was because L was o vic
tim Of a coquette. Of course every word Is
true. How can deny the stories Of respect
able scandal mongers? But / will throw
down the glove" TO these respectable" old,
TO-, and to every story say. pyOpe az.
Women are nuisances-witn q few excep-
tions l look around my humble tenement,
and can't help copgratulatins myself on be-
ing free from th"'r scandaliling presence.
Home, sweet, sweet home
81 Home is where love is"
says somebody. Whom have L 10 love- and
echo answers whom" but it does not an
swer what" Hurrah for the neuter gen
der. Here's a bachelors solace-a bache-
lOr's chow to make home happy" good
cigar lpuff puff Goat away, care and trou-
Bile, fOat away, Susan Cable, tale e-bearers
and scandle- -mongers-all foat away with the
blue smoke. Puff, puff. 1 believe I am
the most contented man In the wide world.
Like Selkirk,
II am monarch Of ell survey"
if don't look out of the window. Puff, puff,
puff wouldn't be a married man for all
the world Puff, puff! :! And something
seems to say, do you know the reason why
Jack didn [ eat his supper7r