The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1856-05-21


make ga pretty dirt pie," to the utter demoli-
ton of new frock and trousers, and returns
very unexpectedly to find his mamma checks
very rosy, and to be tossed up in the air by
Tompkins, who declares himself his ''new,
new papa!'
A CHILDISH THouGHT-A little girl, a friend
of ours, four years of age, expressing some of
her convictions, with great earnestness, says
she s'should think God would come down and
take a ride on the railroad some day--some
Saturday, when nobody would see him!' She
felt his majesty too great to be gazed upon, and
yet she thought that he ought to enjoy the won
ders created through his means.
We clip the following from the West Baton
Rouge Sugar Planter:
The crops-scene on --s.plantatlon.-
negroes on cane field sitting in circle and
armed with shot guns and brickbats r
Enter portsman-Hallo, boys! what are you
all doing here?
Negro--Watchin' de crop, massa.
Sportsman-Watching the crop! where in
thunder is the crop?
Negro-Dar it is, massa
Sportsman looks and discover a solitary
stubbe sprout just appeared above the ground.
Sportsman-Do you call that crop?
Negro-Yes, massa; dats all we got dis year.
Sportsman-And is that all you are watch
ing?
Negro-Golly, massa, got to watch dat berry
close to keep de neighbors from stealth it.
Exit sportsman, marveliDg at the number
of hogsheads that plantation will make next
season.
A sailor, giving testimony in Boston court,
about an assault and battery, stated that Jack
(the traverser) had powerfully enticed Sam
1.-THE COMPLAINANT Jack asked him to
explain what he meant by the word entice.
"What do mean, sir?" said the honest tar,
''Why, sir, / mean this-Jack tooka big hand
spike, and drove it plump into Sans back
that's what call enticing." ra.-
An orator, perspiring freely, in husky
voice, said -,-
Gin short ladies and gentlemen, can only
say that wish [ had window in my bosom,
that you might see the emotion of my heart. :"
The newspapers all printed the speech leav-
ing the .sn' out of window" He was taken
somewhat aback when he read it, -zt r&t
A Confab.-sI say, Joe, how'd do; how's
all the folks at home?" &@"
"Puty well, only the old man has got the
miasma, and Sal has got an affection for some
feller-how's yours?" "
"Oh 50 50, 'cept the old man, he is getting
old and inferna!' -..,. ...
The editor of the NY. Dutchman, speaking
of strong drink he once had an occasion to
indulge in, says he could not tell whether it
was brandy OF a torch light procession going
down his throat! Whatever it was, the "smile'
must have brought a tear; probably it was a
cayenne cocktail! -~a
An incorriglble wag, who lent minister a
horse, which runaway and threw his clerical
rider, thought he should have some creditlfor
his aid in spreading the gospel.
Pupernickel says that a woman's heart is
the "most sweetest thing in the world; in fact
a perfect honey comb-full of sells. Beware.
The way to be happy is to reason yourself
out of as many desires as you can, and CRAFTY
rs many of the rest as possible. sz
She that marries a man because he is a
..good match, must not b.. surprised if he turns
out "a Lucifer." -a4
CABBAeE-To preserve cabbage from grow
ing to 'slong shanks,' take a penknife and stat
it through the stalk about the middle; then in
sert small piece of wood to keep the ineisiof
open, which viii check the growth. BY ddins
this good heads Of cabbage may be secured or
every stalk, SO says the tennessee Farmer.
Colonel Schouler, of the Cincinnati Gazette
has written not only to the readers of the Ga
zette, but to the editorial fraternity generally
yaledictory in which he announces his inten
ton ofretiring altogether from the editorial pro
fession, after twenty years arduous service
therein. At the conclusion OF his address he
says:
1T has been my fortune to know many gen
lemen connected with the press, and have
found few among them that were not true, pa
tent under difficulties Of long suffering, and o
honest hearts Although my connection witt
the fraternity ceases with this issue, shall eve
regard it with affection; and to have been al
editor will be to me more acceptable introduc
ton than to have been member Of congress.
The BEST WAY.-Jenny.-.,'Wen, Annie
how did you get along with that stupid foo
of lover Of yours2 Did you succeed in get
ting rid Of him." Annie-"Oh, yes! ] got rid Q
him very easily. married him, and have ne
lover now