The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1856-05-31

searched below-,talse as my wig, and fasten
ed to the body by false strings! Thank my
stars never wore a false wig, and never
will
Well, at last, | have got to church-bu
with heart in which "angry passions rise,
and in 4 state of mind very unfit for tina
! holy place. Somehow the chime Of the ole
bell don't sound so sweet as it is wont; anC
the singing of the choir, always beautiful
| heretofore. seems but hollow mockery
All when the heart is not right, how vain
the hope of deriving pleasure from religion
or, indeed, anything else.
What a cracked voice the minister has
got declare it reminds me of the broken
wash-bOSl. All! there is Miss Susan Cab
BILE. Susan is a sensible sort of a woman
rather Old-but then she's not one Of the
sort that "ncver grow old" There a great
. deal Of comfort in knowing that though a
person may change outward!y, there's some
thing lasting within that dciies even the ra-
wages of time. And in the hour of death it
must be sweet to know that you can leave
behind you name that "never grows old. "
Susan doesn't belong to this class-vcry
few do. Let me see I've now about come
to the conclusion that | want wife-if /
don't marry I'm afraid my name will grow
old the day after I'm dcad-inasmuch as am
the last Of my noble family--the last Of
three brothers-all bachelors to the last
This Is one very serious objection to single
blesSednecs-a fellow 5 name is about TO die
away lie cdt't heip Il. 1t won't work
well IN the long run; were the word--the
masculine portIon-Cne vast society Of Sha-
kcrS. believe, had been Shaker in my
youth, | should have been married long ere
this. Mankind is avcrse to being fcttered--
wo.nankind ditto; chain them down to rules
and rcgUlations-makc them 20 to church
six times every Sunday-forbid intercourse
with the sexes while young-and they are
mighty apt to Kick ia ,he traces. and over
set the fond wishes of their mistaken guar
dians.
believe I'll sec Miss Susan Gabble home
after meeting
That's an awful lon2-windcd minister
I've a great notion to throw my boot at him.
do hate long sermons. I'm great lover
OF the short and sweet doctrine" and be-
too "lorg drawn out"
At last the services ended. The last psalm
is sung, the last PRAYER is offered, the bcnc-
diction-there goes Susan. "Now comes the
tug Of war
Miss Gabblc-Miss Susan Gabblc-a'!ow
me, my dear madam, on account of the 81
Multitude of our agcs--to-to-hayc the su-
prcrne fclicity-to-,o-"
Why, what look guess she never
spoke To- gentleman before
Our ages, indeed, III have You know,
sir, that I'm not so old As to be obliged to
wear false hair, and false set Of teeth,
and
II don't wear a false bosom, plague take
you. nor a cotton bosom"
''lIomc, sweet home says PAYS Payne
and thus SAYS phumb!e. How dear to my
heart IS bachelors hall after the exhibition |
have Just had Of woman's lack Of SENSE
Susan Cable too old Tor me: just as if
didn't went courtiu' Of her many anu ma
ny'S the might've and twenty years ago.
TO my shame | tell it, just as if she wasn't
proud Of ne. and would have become Mrs.
Phumble for the asking and just as if she
was Young row as she was five and twenty
years ago. oh Susan, Susan Gabblc--too
well have Won learned the ways OF the world
too well have you learned 10 practice Tie
deceit of your class ofcomrnunity. But you
can't hide the wrinkles, Susan they brand
YOU in the face as a liar, and the rose Of
your cheek, like your would be girliSh ac-
tons, is as false your swelling cotton bo-
som.