Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-04-25
A NIGHT WITH KNOW-NOTHINGs
Or, Uncle Jnke,s Experiences.

A NIGHT WITH KNOW-NoTHINGs;
Or, Uncle Juke's Experience.
THAR never was better dimicrat than
Uncle Jake Rodgers on the earth, alters
attendin' barbacues and speechifyins ev-
cry chance, and like the Parson, could
give reason for the faith that was in him
he has alters been looked up to as a
sort of oricle in political matters, and
noes the history of the United States
and its oppressors, the distribution of the
public lands, and all them measures the
old Wings used to try and fix on the peo-
pie SO hard. In fact, Uncle Jake was a
dimicrat, from the top of his head to the
soul of his feet. aud from one side all
through to the other, aud Aunt Nancy,
his wife, was just as rambunctious on the
subject as himself, only little more so.
Now. Mr.. Eastman, don't like to ex-
pose Uncle Jake, but the thing is so good
III have to tell you all about it.
Last summer thar cum into our settle
ment, nice young man, sent out. as
larnt, from your place, to make No
Nothins, but he didu't let us all know
what he cum fur, at fust. Howsomeve',
he linked in quite a lot of 'em. principal
" Wings, and larnt that sum on 'em
intended trying thar hand on Uncle Jake.
Thinks l, old fellers, you'll be barkin up
the rong tree, sertin, but the fust thing |
need. they got hold ofthe old man, treat
ed him, told him the Dimicrats was all a
ioinin' on 'em-that it wasn't no Wing
trick, nor nothin' of that sort-;hat the
Pope OF roam was a cumin' here TO use
up our Government, to make Priests OF
the boys, an nuns of the gals-that all
the other denominations wud have to
cave in. and wear crosses. and kiss the
Pope's big toe-that the No-Nuthins war
goin' to stop all these things-goin' to
regenerate the land. and bring things back
to the days of General Jackson-that
Gen Jackson's folks war all for 'em,
tooth and toe nail, and what with one
thing and another, the fust thing Uncle
Jake noed he was a reg Lar ring tailed Nos
Muffin. They done the old man after
mite, and after it was all over he started
home. an rs he went along his mind was
full Of misgivins. how could he face the
ole woman? What would Gen. jackson
say If he was alive How could he meet
his old Dimocratic friends again and
lie suddenly recollected that the Union,
(the old watchman on the tower Of our
political Zion, as he used to call your pa
per, twas opposed to it. All these things
begin to work in Uncle Jake's mind, till
by the time he got home he was in a
powerful swivel.
He found Aunt Nancy sitting up for
him. an Uncle Jake never was ashamed
TO meet her before.
"Well, Jake" ses she, 6: what on
yearth has kept you out SO late at night?"
for Uncle Jake was very regular in his
habits.
"WhY, Nancy, been round-attendin
meetin, ." scs he. quite hesitaLin like.
"What kind of meetin," ses she,
''Why-a sort of perlitical meetin," SEES
he, sort OF shiverin all over, for he was
powerful oueasy by this time.
"Wetl.'' ses she. "if you have been
tryin to he'd these no-nothings. amt got
no more to say, for you couldn't be- in
better business, fur learn that some as
call themselves dimicrats has jined 'em.
l don't like 'em no how. Jake. for they
don't come out open and above board,
but are pokin round at night in alleys and
dark places; but thank the Lord. you
amt one Of 'em, for no | couldn't live
with one of 'em to save my life. But
what makes you look SO. Jake, are you
sick Bless my life If you amt got a
chill on you. and your hands are as cold
as ice. What is the matter Jake?"
"Nothin. much" ses Uncle Jake. 81
don't feel very we'll to mite, ole 'owman,
al Ia 90 to bed" so sayiu he slipt into
bed. and the old woman after him.
Biueby Uncle Jake, after tossin and
rollen about. gifts to sleep. and drempt
that all his dimicratic friends he used to
be with so much would have nothin to
do with him; and he could no longer
vote his old ticket, for his old friend and
his old principle, aud he groaned in spirit.
Aunt Nancy walked him up skeered to
death, and Uncle Jake had to out with
the whole thing. Aunt Nancy jumped
out of bed and declared that she couldn't
stay thar-that no-nothin couId't come
nigh her. Uucle Jake at last told her
if she would forgive him, he'd go early
In the morning, and git out of the thing,
but she told him no, she couldn't stand
him till mornin, and presently Uncle Jake
hauled on his close, and went out and
got the President and sum more of ZEN
together, and swore he must git out
atore mornin or kill sumbody. They lei
him out-and when he got loose, he
sung, he shouted, he danced and capered
like boy-he run home and liked tc
squeezed Aunt Nancy to death; she, good
old soul. was nifty riled about it, and
powerfully distressed. but sealed his par.
Don with kiss of forgiveness, and let by.
cones be bygones.