Volcano weekly ledger., 1856-05-24
Swallowing an Oyster Alive.
STORY OF ILLINols-Br SOLITAIRE.

He was quite six feet high spare somewhat
stopped, with hungry, anxious countenance,
and his hands pushed clear down to the bot
tom of his brecches pockets His outer Gov
ering was hard to define, but after surveying
in infinitely, we came to the conclusion that
| his suit had been made in his boyhood, of q
dingy yellow linsey-wolsey, and that, having
sprouted up with astonishing rapdity, he had
been forced to piece il out with all colors, in
order to keep pace with his body. In spite
of his exertions, however, he had fallen in
arrears about a foot of the necessary length,
and consequently stuck that far through his
inexpressibles. His crop of hair was sur
mounted by the funniest little seal-skin cap
imaginable. After taking a position, he in
dulged in long stare at the man opening the
dralres and slowly ejaculated-" isters"
Yes, sir' responded the attentive opera
tor" and fine ones they are, too"
Well, I've heard Of isters afore," says he,
but this is the first time I've seed 'eIn, and
pre- haps I'll know what thar made Of afore /
git out of town."
Having expressed this desperate intention,
he cautiously approached the plate and scru-
tinized the uncaSed shel-iish with gravity
and interest which would have done honor to
the most illustrious searcher into the hidden
mysteries Of nature At length he began to
soliloquize on the difficulty of getting them
out, and how queer they looked when out
never seed any thin' hold on so-takes
an amazn' site of screwin, hoss, to get em
out, and aint they slick and skp'ry when they
| does come? Smooth as an eel Eve good
mind to give that feler lodgin', jist to realize
the effects, as uncle jess used to say about
| Specialization"
"Well, SIR was the reply, Z" down with two
bits, and you can have DOZEN
1.-TWO bits ? exclaimed the sucker, "now
come, that's stickin' it on rite strong, hoss, for
isters. A dozen on 'em aint nothin' to chick
en-, and there's no gettin' more'n picayune
piece for them I've only realized forty-iye
pcayunes on my first venture to ST. Louis
I'll tell you what, I'll gin you two chickens
for a dozen, if you'll conclude to DEAL
A wag, who was standing by indulgng in
dozen, winked to the attendant to shell out,
and the offer was accepted.
e. Now mnd,' repeated the Sucker, call
fair-two chickens for a dozen--youre wit
ness, mister turning at the same time to the
wag "none of your tricks for I've heard
that your city fellers are nifty slpry coons.
The bargain being fairly understood, our
Sucker squared himself for the onset DELHI
erateIy put off his seal-skin, tucked up his
sleeves and, fork in hand, awaited the APP
pearanee of No. l. 1t came--he saw-and
quickly it was bolted A moments dread
full pause ensued. The wag droped his knife
and fork with a look of mingled amazement
and horror-something akin to Shakspeares
Hamlet on seeing his daddy's ghost-while
he burst into the exclamation
" Swallowed alive, as I'm Christian =
Our Sucker hero had opened his mouth
with pleasure a moment before, but now it
stood oper. Fear-a horrid dread of he
didn't know what--a consciousness that all
war'nt right, and ignorant of the extent of the
wrong-the uncertainty of the moment was
terrible Urged to desperation, he faultered
out
What on earths the row p
"Did you swallow it alive p inquired the
wag.
q swallowed it jest as he gin it to me ?
shouted the Sucker
you're dead man = exclaimed his anx-
ious friend, the creature is alive and will
eat right through you, added he, in most
hopeless tone.
''Get pizen pump and pump it out ?
screamed the Sucker, in frenzy, his eyes fair
ly starting from their sockets. Ogracious !
--what'll do?-Pts got hold of my innards
already, and I'm dead as chickenl-do some
thin for me, do-dont let the Internal sea-
toad eat me afore your eyes,
"Why don't you put some Of this on it p
inquired the wag, pointing to bottle Of
strong pepper-sauce.
The hintiwas enough-the Sucker, upon the
instant seized the bottle, and desperately
wrenching out the cork, swallowed half the
contents at a draught He farely saueaed
from its effects, and gasped and blowed, and
pitched, and twisted, as if it were coursing
through him with electric effect, while at the
same time his eyes ran a stream Of tears
At length becoming little composed, his
waggish adviser approached, almost bursting
with suppressed laughter, and inquired,
How are You old feow-dd you kill it ?
We'll, l did, hoss'-ugh, ugh 600 my
inards. If that ister critters dyn' agonies
didn't stir Eruption in me equal to a small
arthquake, then 'taint no use sayin' tit
squirmed like sarpent, when that KILN stuff
touched ii ku'-and here with countenance
made up of suppressed agony and present
determination, he paused TO give force to his
words, and slowly and deliberately remarked,
+" If you get two chickens from me for that
live animal, I'm d-dp and seizing his seal
skin he vanished.
The shout of laughter and the contortons
of the company at this finale, would have
made spectator believe that they had all
been slp0kL0lciHp oustery dkire