Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1856-09-03
Punch on the Life Assurance Companies.

Punch gives the London Life Assurance Com
panies dab on the number of useless inquire
that are made of applicants for policies:
Punch says he has no objection to the mos
scrutinizing inquiries being made before poll
cy is granted on the contrary, the more mi
mute the investigation the better. And sine
the twenty-five or thirty questions by which i
is sought to discover the physiology of yoursel
and that of your father, mother, grandparents
uncles, sunts, cousins brothers and sisters, is in
sufficient, he begs to frame few more, con
ceyed in the same spirit which he would add Il
the particulars required Only he would in
sist, that whenever everything has been asked
and everything tested, the record and bargain i
made should be irrevocable. For instance
81. Did your great grandfather ever complain
of having been frightened to death2
32. Are You in the habit of reading Mr.. ALI
sons Histories, or the Morning Advertiser, o.
any other publication tending to lengthen life?
33 Do you cross the street carefully, and hav'
you ever been run over by Pckford's vans, ant
how often2 -
"a. Have you an admission to the Geological
Gardens; if SO, do you habitually 60 close t.
the dens of the carnirora, or get into the ser
pent's cages9
35. Is your wife strong-minded woman2
SO. Do you know any Americans, and is there
any chance of your getting into political OF
other argument with the owner of a revolver2
81. Are you polite man, who does not mind
running out of hot Opera House to get up 6
carriage on wet night2
SO. Did you ever sit out an Elizabethan DRAINS
of modern construction, and how many years a.
go, and who attended you medically, after.
wards2
SO. Did you ever run after fancy preachers
and do they make you cry9
40. What was the general state of your an
cestors health, in the fifteenth and sixteenth
centuries
Al. Was any member of your family ever
swallowed up by an earthquake2
40. When you 60 to Gravesend is it by boat
or rail {; and, in the former case, do you always
hold fast by rope9
49. Do you always take care not to tread on
orange-peal in the street2
A. Have you ever been afflicted with Irish.
men or any other epidemic2
45. Who cuts your hairf
Now, let the officer add these, and any num-
ber of similar questions, to their string Of inqui-
ries And let them examine your friends on
oath, and your doctor as the Americans cross.
examine nigger witness, namely, by putting
him in corner, and kicking his shins until he
answers cstegorically. And let them have half
dozen boards, and even one medical officer
whose head is not made of board, and let the
very utmost be done to obtain information
But, as aforesaid, bargain should be bar
gain-not, of course, that one rogue may make
prize, but that ninety-nine honest men who
save-perhaps screw-through years of weary
toll, to secure homes for the loved ones when
their natural protector shall be at rest, may not
be disturbed by doubt whether their cherished
work has been carelessly or clumsily done, and
whether corporatien-"that which has nei'
ther body to be kicked nor soul to be"-oth-
erwise disposed Of, may not take advantage OF
its own blunders. I'd
Mr.. Punch is justly proud of his patent-leath-
er boots, but were he juryman on a trial where
an office disputed policy, he would eat those
boots before givingthe defendants verdict