davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

p@T 4 strictly orthodox old gentleman
in Massachusetts returned home on Sun
day from church, and began to ex,ol to his
son the merits of the sermon.
'' / have heard, Frank" said he, " one
of the most delightful sermons ever deliv-
cred before a christian society. 1t carried
me TO the gates of heaven"
Well, / think" replied Frank. you had
better have lodged in. for you-will never
have such another chance"
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
The Law of Newspapers.

|. Subscribers who do not give express no.
tice to the contrary are considered as wish
ing to continue their subscription.
2. IL subscribers order the discontinuance OF
their periodicals, the publisher may continue
70 send them until all arrearages are paid.
g. If subscribers neglect or refuse to take
their periodicals. from the Office to which they
are directed, they are held responsible, till they
have settled the bill and ordered thein dlscoh-
t;nued.
4. If subscribers remove to otherplaces with
out informing the publisher, and the papers are
sent to the former direction, they are held res
ponsibie.
5. The Courts have decided that refusing to
take periodicals from the office, or removing
and leaving them uncalied for, is prima facia
evidence OF intentional fraud.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

PERcHANcE.-A fashionable lady at
watering place had favori,e lap-dog.
which she called Perehance
"a singular name for your beautiful
pet, madame; where did you find it?"
90" drawled she, most exquisitely, 8. it
was named for Byron'sdog. Youremem-
Der where he SPEAKS OF it, and says:
IS Perehance, my dog, viii howl"
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
A DAUGHTER OF THE SourH.

"HAD HIM. "A clergyman having on
a certain occasion, delivered himself OF
what is called fine address. was met bv
one Of his hearers the next day, when, in
the course Of conversation, allusion was
made TO it; the parishioncr remarked that
he had book containing every word Of it,
and had heard it before. To this, the
clergyman boldly answered that the ad-
dress was written by himself the week
previous to its delivery, and therefore the
assertion could not be correct. The next
day, he received a splendid copy Of Web
sters Dictionary.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
!" Never nod TO an acouaiptances 8

B@ Never nod TO an acquaintances at
an auction. We did SO once. Tie auc-
tioneer, like the man with the long nose took
it to him, and we found al the close of the
auction. goods and chat,les knock down to
US, for which We had no earthly use, yiz..
four broken chairs. six cracked flower pots.
a rickety old bedstead full Of bugs, and a
large cup without handIei We vamosed
in double-quick time.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

PRooF OF Affection" Well, Tom.
does your girl continue to love youa"
+" Yes, more than ever" Indeed what
evidence have you of thats " Why she
makes me presents" What has she
given you lately Z" "Oh, she made me
present of my picture, which I paid FIVE
dollars for before gave il to her,"
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
ATcH1soN, TERRITORY, TUESDAY, APRIL 49, 1856.

with great affected modesty, I bowed and
withdrew, in the midst of the cheers of
both parties"
That was well done, father" said
Sam, admiringly; "and that was the rea-
son you were elected to the Legislature g"
eyes" said the senior Smirk, family,
" I made hit. My noble-mindedness
became proverbial. was compared to
Cincinnatus and Washington, and put up
for representative and elected by both
parties. Do as did, Sam, and you will
prosper-oh.''
"God bless you. my dear father what's
the matter z"
81 am going Sam, / shall be off in q
minute! Call in the minister and the
other bores, quick but remember policy,
Sam, policyr'
And with the unfinished word, which
had been his guiding star through life,
upon his lips, Hon Simon Smirk expired.
Intelligence of his death, was telegraph
ed all over the Union, and great many
editorial obituary notices were written
upon him, ending with
:" None knew thee but to love thee,
None name thee but to praise"
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

geous ram took it into his head to resist a
locomotive. The brave old sheep heard
the whistle, the roar, and the rumble he
saw the shower of fire and glaring eye
balls of the monster he curled up his
majestic head, and he battered his brow
into the foe. Alas! poor ram! not a
lock OF wool nor piece of horn could be
found. The owner, in lamenting the loss
Of poor rammy, said ~ admire his
pluck, but confound his discretion"
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
Rather q Slim Wardrobe.

Mrs. --,a a very diguified woman,
and fine actress of New York, came to
the table one morning at the house where
she was boarding. and in the most musi-
cal voice, said to the assembled female
boarders:
II was quite surprised this morning
quite surprised"
"Ah, indeed!' cried several, pray,
Mrs. --, what was it 2'
81 will tell you. I entered the sitting
room rather early this morning, and while
there, gentleman came in, in shocking
state of scanty wardrobe
All paused for further development.
She continued:
Now, [ wager you, gentlemen, bas-
ket of wine, that you cannot guess what
part Of gentleman's wardrobe he had
on!''
What piece 2" said they.
Ay, he had but one piece of mans
apparel on him.
After some simpering and blushing of
the ladies, and laughter of the gentlemen,
they began to guess.
Was it his pantaloons g
"No."
"His drawers2'
"No."
"His overcoat 2"
"No."
Ellis linen ?''
"No, sir"
His cloak?''
"No."
Dickey and spurs, perhaps" said a
facetious old gent. "a regular Georgia
costume, eh %
No, sir, you have not guessed j, yet.
Go on" said the actress.
Well, was it mantle 2"
"No."
An umbrella, perhaps 2"
"No."
Then, BY George. we give up:" said
several.
Well, gentlemen, some one Of you, or
a stranger, came into the room, and disap-
peared as sooa-wah nothing on bat his
hat!"
The younger ladies vanished the rest
of the company roared like hyenas, while
Mrs. --- very seriously and calmly
discussed her toast.
BasT" Massa says you must sartin pay
de bill to-day said u negro to New Or
learns shop-keeper.
"Why, he isn't afraid I'm going to run
away, is he 2" was the reply
IS Not exacly dat; but look heea," said
the darkey, slyly and nysteriously, she's
going to run away himtheff, and darfore
wants to make big raise =
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

SHORT AND sHARP.-The Richmond
Enquirer says of the new Philadelphia
Know Nothing platform: s. We are at
loss TO decide whether this platform Is most
remarkable for its intellectual ilnbecility
which ii displays, for its low. transparent.
vulgar cunning and hypocrisy, or for is
downright. unblushing dishonesty
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

n "PIoUs PIECE OF FoLLY.-The
Boston Bee says a week or two since, a
certain religious society in Wahham, call
ed a formal meeting, at which committee
was appointed to wait upon their pastor
and request him to remove two favorite
studs which he had long worn in his shirt
bosom
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

.@ The following conundrum took
the prize of peacter pitcher, at a recen,
Woman's Rights Convention in Connec-
ticut:
" Why is married man like candle ?''
because he frequently goes out of a
night when he oughtn't to-
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

E A contemporary in paragraph
on the adalteration of liquors, makes the
Scripture quotation of it," Thou shall
not commit adultery
4 new reading" that.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

ENTHUsIAsM OF SOUTHERN LADIES ON
THE KANSAS QUEsrIoN.-The Edgefeld
Is. Co. Advertiser publishes the follow
ing letter from a Pendleton lady.
To Capt. z. B. BeU:-Sir. I have
read your letter for the cause of Kansas.
II were a man, would go with you.
believe it is as much our battle as though
it were fought at our hearth-stones. Let
US meet our enemies at the gate and at
the ramparts, and not wait for them with
out the citadel.
Let ne do what can-let me send a
man. l enclose you gold chain to DO it.
l trust and hope that Colonel Bufiord will
obtain subscriptions TO carry five thousand
men.
When you have need OF more. write
and publish it and when the time comes
for it, we viii cat off our personal embel-
lishlnents and expose them for sale.
A DAUGHTER OF THE SOUTu.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

E9@ A man very much intoxicated
was sent to durance vile. g Why didn'
you bail him ouls'' inquired bystandel
of friend. ''Bail him out" exclaimed
the other, you couldn't pump him out p
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

g~" You hatter me, said an exquisite
at hotel the other day to youny lady
who was praising the beauty OF his NOUS
tache. s. For heavens sake, ma'am." in
terposed Hoosier, ''don't make that chap
any hatter than he is now.''
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

~. Business before pleasure" as
the man said when he kissed his wife be-
fore going out to kiss his neighbor's.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
Che Squatter Sovereign,
re PUBLISHED EVERY TUESDAY
MORNING BY
y srR1SGFELLow & r. 9. KELLEY
Publication Office on { Sfreef.

TERMS Two dollars per annum, lnyariaoly
in ADVANCE. Single copies cents, Twelve cop
les for fifty cents.
To CLUBs:-Five copies Will De SEM sp7 70 one
address for SO. Ten to one ADDRESS Lor - ona
,ilress for $50. fY- Invariably IN ADVANCES
ps- Money may be sent by mail, at the risk
tf the Editors.
NJ Postmasters are requested 10 act as ou'
Agents.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

81 II you want an ignoramus to res
pect you, ..dress to death,' and wear watch
seals about the size of brick bat,
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

E@ Virtue needs more admirers. wis
dom more supIicants, truth more real
friends, and honesty more practitioners.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

~ A keeper OF a saloon a; Geerong.
advertising his establishment, thus con-
cludes-
Those of my patrons who require it
shall De sent home on wheelbarrow gra-
It's"
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

E What is the difference between
an auction and sea sicknesss One is the
sale of effects, the ether the effects of a
sail.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
parEs OF ADVERTISING.

For one square, ten lines or iess'' e0 e0
Zach additional insertion, per square &C., ~ ~
IN. zouare three months ....'.. 49, ''.' w
q .g six months %. ......'' .''''. w
g 1 twelve months .....'.''.IO w
Two squares, three months...... .''''' % W
six months ...... $500. .....9 oO
U g twelve months 10 %
one ,uarter of a column, three months. 10 90
/" six months. rs 90
q g twelve months 20 90
ons half OF column, three months. .l2 90
9. :. " six months ...- 20 90
g g twelve months. .35 01
One column, three months.... 30 90
{. :. six months. ...45 90
twelve months s...... ...-..6 60 90
Business cards, eight lines or less, year.5 90
{. six months.... .....-.... .3 90
three months. ..... 2 90
pz5p Announcing Candidates for office, in
advance, SO. II inserted on credit, candidates
will be charged eight dollars.
f<5- Communications of a personal nature,
will be inserted as advertisements, and charged
for at the rates of s., per square, and pay
uen. required in advance.
- Advertisements not marked on the copy
for specific number of insertions, will be con-
tnacd until ordered out, and payment exacted
accordingly.
-. All advertisements must be paid for in
.traRee, or at the expiration Of three months.
E51 All letters addressed to the Editors
must be POST PAID, to receive attention.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

s9 An editor" on. West" of course
.as he was going courting one night,
said he was going to press.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

f@ a little glotton of a boy said he
should Ike to 1--we in Scotland. because he
had heard it was the .lar.d o cakes.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

E9- Reader! have you paid for your
paper ? If not don't YOU think it's time {?
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

E Men of the noblest disposition, al
ways think themselves the happies, when
others share their happiness with them.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

Ia The most beautiful baud is the one
that gives.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
ANi1l

Eiven to any
tellent
| / l. L.,
The machine.
! |er, 80 feet in
louble hue.-
|yiinder, two
. l N E.,
bins, and all
bn be bought
| terms. Ma
(ded property
ES & co.
| s23 tf.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

Forgetfuf snob-WeH, married forty
thousand dollars; l forget her other name.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

Nor WHO, BUT wHAT.-Lady-And so
you are married. Ell. Who did you mar-
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

~ Deep sorrow hath NO tongue.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

KANSAS.
sale and Re
cines, Paints
iii to the peo-
line, cheaper
ser, than any
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
LXSAS /:

bNEER STORE
Ekviile, Mo-,
Riy on hand
p Flour, Ba-
Rloceries.
| s., & Co.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15


re-" Why did Joseph's brethern call
him into the pit?' asked a Sabbath school
teacher of his class.
because" replied one, silly "they
thought it good opening for TIE young
man."
Commentators are requested no; to avail
themselves of this explanation, as copy
right has been secured.
WELLERIsMs.-" Be. Ware" as the pot
ter said TO the clay.
"1'lI be burnt if / do" as the clay re-
piled to the potter.
Your doing smashing business" as
tho gardener said to the hailstones.
"There's mew-tual feeling between us,
as the cat said to the kitten.
"I'll retire in disgust" as the colored
gentleman said when the thunderstorm
cameu
How sharp your toe-nails are" as
paddy said when he caught the hornet.
That's fame Of mine" as the bellows
said to the FIRE.
Liberty or DEATH" as the rat said,
when his tail was caught in the trap.
"This is a CRATE prospect" as the pris-
oner said, when he peeped out of his cell
window"
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

Chairs, SC
! Of bedsteads,
work stands,
EHNSToN.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
OMASON.
.

ER,
and Family
pm. Wooden,
fcco, Segars,
lits, Oysters,
ass Ware sc.
ale and retail
the city.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
SHORT PATENT SERMONS.
ON AV ARIC E.

B Y d w, JR.

God made man and man made money,
God made bees and bees made honey.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

I EEE.

EEEE.
IA Steam Saw
lieh will be
After that
! citizens OF
at as low q
fitory.
Eaw-logs>for
+, in Cash or
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

fILLE, MO.
|H care will
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15

Commentators are requested not to avail
themselves of this explanation, as copy
right has been secured.
Squatter sovereign., 1856-04-15
FORE
+ Streets.

6tand. lone Of
|sortment Of
IS, that have
|ri- We are
pr retail to
! To their
Fn their sim
which they
fn want Of
give them
sell all arti-
hey can be
consists IN
Ia have been
! IN markets
p a most ia
hualities;
FLANNEL;
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24
DARLEY'S
ARABIAN HEAVE REMEDY.
FOR THE CURE OF
HeaYes, Thick and Broken Winds Coughs, and
all diseases which affect

This preparation is in among the Arabs who
feed TO their horses three times year. for about
week at time, which doubt is the of their
able speed and unaing wind introduced into Eng
land some years ago by Mr. BARLEY Of Yorkshire who pro-
cured the receipt from Arabian Se Chief from whom
he purchased horse, during his residence in Syria, and
which ne afterwards imported to England and known the
BARLEY ARABIAN, from which sprang the largest and
most splendid horses ever known 1t will only prevent
bat eectCay the above named complaints cleanse
the breathing apparatus by removing from the air cells
lymph secretion which in heaves clogs Them causing
difficulty breathing by its action the disease part
the mucusnembrane to its natural dimensions
thus euazng the circulation OF the blood and restores the
vessels TO their natural size-as
CONDTIION MEDICINE,
is unequaed its effects in this respect is truly asonish
ing Many horses, which, before using this medicine were
considered worth $50 have by the pack
ages been restored TO healthy and condition the
horses appetite has been improved an the arrangements
the digestive organs corrected the skin has become SOFT the
coat assumed sleek and shiny appearance and otherwise
much improved that they would readily sell from $50
$I25The cure has been complete and permanent Imay
be used all times with perfect safety and may likewise
given to Horned cattle nell Horses Price % cents
CAUTI0N.Eyery package of the genuine Darleys Ara
ban eave Remedy bears the written Signature of HURD
CO. All other is spurious and should be avoided as so
much poison. Remember this. D. w HURD,
Sole PrOprietors, CT Maiden Lane, New York
gS5~ FUTILE MOSES, Aub:rn, n. Y, General Agents
States Of New YORK and Michigan to whom all orders
should be addressed. Also, for sale BY X. WELLS RICH
ARD STEEL, Auburn
For Sale by STARKWEATIIER Co, Kenosha,
6ms2 CORY & ENANS, Waukegan.
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24
MEDICAL.
TEETH FOR THE MILLIONS.

:" Her zee bit moU' sac s1ceet and 6onny'
NOTHING can make a mouth pretty but pretty
Y teeth The mouth is the gate OF HE, neglect it
not If neglected and not kept IN good repair, you
can't have good health; and what is more unsightly
than a mass of decayed teeth
| am happy TO tell you, people OF kenosha and
my friends in the country, that | am repairing
mouths fixing up old teeth and putting in new ones,
as natural as life, if not So at prices which will
come within the means of ALL | plain liver,
with light expenses This gives good health, and
clear conscience, while it enables me to work cheap
You will meet with many pretty face that had been
entirely despoiled of its charms and which would
have remained So but for my skill in replacing and
repairing lost and decayed teeth, and at prices vasy
below what mere thinkers in the habit of
charging. Old jobs repaired neatly and cheaply.
| have received instructions from one of the very
best operators in the country, and have all the ad
vantage of knowledge of the latest improvements
of the art, in regard to which / keen myself fully
posted. The poor as well as the rich should enjoy
the benefits of this and it is all nonsense it not
criminal to put this kind of work at such exorbitant
prices to confine its benefits to the rich alone
Particular attention paid to the correction of the
Irregularities of youth.
Childrens teeth extracted gratis
Advice, do.
Yours, &c.
ISAAC GEORGE
Kenosha August 9, %
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24
&iaeriN,a &nIe.

NOTICE hereby given that by virtue of writ of Fisrf
Facias issued out of and under the seal of the Circuit
Court in and for the county of Kenosha and State of Wis.,
conS to me directed and delivered against the goods and
chae!s and lands and enemens Of William Trant have
levied upon and shall offer sale and sell public auction
or vendue to the highest bidder therefor the law directs
al the Court House in the city and county and
state Aforesaid on Saturday the End day August 1885,
between the hours Of one and three o'clock in the
OF that day. all the right title and interest which the said
William Trant had on the 10th day Of January 1883
at any time since that day in aud the following described
pieces or parcels of land together with all the appurtenan
ces hereunto belonging lying and being in the county and
State Aforesaid to wit Commencing the south line OF the
north east quarter of section six in town north OF
range RS east and being the Sd ward tho
city OF kenosha and at the point where the east line Of Re
nosha street said quarter Section thence north th
y 30 rods thence east to the east line Of said quarter
thence south TO the south line Of said quarter thence west TO
the place of beginning Also Commencing I6 rode south
of the south Of Lot sixteen [6 the above
quarter section and the west line Of kenosha street,
thence west to old Chicago road thence south fifteen
rods thence east to kenosha street. thence north to the
place Of beginning: Also, Commencing T6 rods
south of the south east Of Lot
the quarter section above named thence centre
line Of said quarter section thence south thirteen 9 rods
thence west line Of old Chicago road thence north
to the beginning. J. /. EHLE Sheriff
kenosha June 49, 1856. 1w1 of Kenosha County.
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24
state of Wisconsin. Kenosha sgo,.. 90
emit COurt---En Chanccrx

Jerusha a. Main VS.. Charles H. Main
appearing TO the satisfaction of this court thai ,ha L
named defendant Charles H. Main against wb anoss
cess OF subpoena has been duly issued and returned
e Is not resident Of the State of Wscon sin and
at Sad defendant has not caused his appearance 10 be
entered in the above entitled cause: On motion of
Evans solicitor for complainant it is ordered that the said
defendant be and he hereby required appear and
answer or demur, to the compliments bill complaint filed
III the above in the office of clerk of the cir.
cut court or before the 29th day Of September
or IN default thereof that the said bill be as
by and against the said defendant further order.
ed that the complainant be and she is hereby required
cause ts order TO be published within twenty days from
the date hereof in the Tribune Telegraph weelIv
paper printed and published in the city Of Kenosha Ia
each week for six successive weeks.
Dated this the 2Sth day of June A. d. 1856.
6w3 ION II JJIeITN Co,p,, Y,auo
w. IL TUCKER, Of Counsel f. w. Ey ms. Compt Solr.
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24
M A r BLE r A G 7 0 r Y
GEORGE ACKLEY,

GEORGE ACKLEY,
sNOUNCES to the peopeof Kenosha City and
N Es-asy Il Vicinity, that he has bought out the
Marble FsSs of JosEPH l. EHLE, and has added
largely tst ne Stock, with both
I<aIinu and American Marble,
Off hs very best quality and is prepared TO furnish
Q oyter all work in the marble line.
Being an EXPERIENCEDW WORKMAN, he feels
confidence in warranting his
Monuments, Tomb Stones, Tomb Tables, ObiiesSs
Paint Stones,
And all other work wanted, for finish and style to
rival all competition.
Plain, Raised, or Ornamental Work, of any cbQrac-
ter desired done in style 70 gree entire sotisac.
tioa He respectfully solicits the patronage OF the
Public.
Shop on Pearl street, south side west Of Main
across from the Poet OfHce
kxsessA Jane lsSS-nssis.
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24

Poor afflicted mortal How many aleepless nights
and hapless days have you passed. Your aching
bones and st1ened limbs but speak half your suffer
ing. But for you there is relief; do not doubt, but
believe, and show your faith by works Go to Stark
weathers, or Robinsons, Druggists in Kenosha and
ask for Dr.. A0rtim01e'S Rhenmat1c Compound. The
price is $500 per Bottle but do not let this deter YOU
Every bottle is worth to you a thousand. 1t has
cured unbclicving thousands. Ask for circular
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24
REMOVED.

DR: J.. WHITMORFI. has removed his
ohce i'll the new block City Bank where he is now
iuiy prepared to execute any work in DENTISTRY
IN e most approved STYLE he has procured this art of in
SeIhg 'eeih the new Style called "Dr j. Adams Continuous
Gum Work of which specimens can be seen Al hi. Rooms
1iSo Uod or Silver Plate Work, from tooth to set =
eet plugged with gold and warranted for life. Teeth ex-
racted regulated cleaned treated all diseases Of the
teeth.
Dr. Wtmore has been engaged in the business for
'ee years and from his long experience, he takes great
pleasure in warrantng all operations in the mouth to be
done as well as can be done in this any other country he
would state that ne is no travelling Dentist and will be on
hand at all times to make lis warrants good His charge
VIII be as low As any other experienced Dentist.
~ Office hours from eight until four.
DIR. j.. WIIITM0RE.
h@'tohd' vl6.n33tEl
Tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1856, 1856-07-24
LEGALNOTICES
Nofice to- CrcdifOrs.
KCnOshR Enmus~ 49,

Menoshn Ceunty Court: I'm Probate
IL r ~, Vi the Estate of Franklin Fenton deceasaa
TO al whom it may concern: ue's0sso"
;s,aS =, % Aannstration said estate having been
1eKs SUE 70 sarah d. Fenton the 18th day Of july D.
ed and limited for creditors to present their f
d w o tan Notice hereby given that the
the first Monday OF January 1881 ~ ~ 1902 ana
@ days at his office in the city and county OF
1890 examine and adjust all claims and
persons against said deceased ISN anu esmands OF all
July 10, 1856. 1us 'oN IL. JILSUN.
fHo COu,lt, .y,1do.