The Evansville daily journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ia. [i.e. Ind.]) 1848-1862, 1856-11-20
VOLUME TX.
A San Francisco Auctioneer.

.-.8 San Francisco Auctioneer.
The reporter of the San Francisco News
furnishes that paper with the following re-
port of speech made by California auction
Ger: .-asr
:. "Ladies and gentlemen, l now have the
honor of putting up fine pocket handker-
chief; yard wide, yard long, and almost a
yard thick; one half cotton, and the tother
half cotton, too; beautifully printed with stars
and stripes on one side, and the stripes and
stars on the t'other. 1t will wipe dust from
the eyes so completely as to be death to dem
agogues, and make politics as bad as printing
papers. Its great length, breadth and thick
ness, together with its dark color, will enable
it to hide dirt, and never need washing. Co.
ing at one doilar?-seYenty-fi cents?-fty
cents?-twenty~fve cents?-one bit? No
body wants itl-Oh! thank you, sir! 5---,T
"Next, gentlemen-for the ladies won't be
permitted 70 bid ON this ARTICLES a real sim
on-pure, tempered, highly polished, keen
edged Sheffield razor; bran spankin new; never
opened before to sunlight, moonlight, STAR
light, daylight or gas-ight; sharp enough to
shave a lawyer or cut disagreeable acquaint-
ance or poor relations; handle of buck-horns;
with all the rivlts but the two at the ends of
pure gold. Who will give two dollars? one
dollar? half a dollar? Why, ye long bearded,
dirty faced reprobateS, with not room on your
phizzes for a Chinese woman to kiss. Pm of
fering you bargain at half dollar! Well,
will throw in this strop at a half dollar!-
razor and strop-a recent patent; two rubs
upon it will sharpen the city attorney; all for
four bits; and piece of soap-sweeter than
roses lathers better than schoomaster, and
strong enough to wash out all the stains from a
California politicians countenance, all for four
-btst Why, you have only to put the razor
strop and soap under your pillow at night to
wake up clean shaved Won't anybody give
two bits, then for the lot? Iknew | would
sell 'em.
"Next, ladies and gentlemen, Ioffer three
pairs Of socks, stockings or half hose, just as
you're mind to call them, knit by machine
made on purpose, out of cotton wool The
man that buys these will be enabled to walk
till he gets tired; and, provided his boots are
high enough needn't have any corns the legs
are as long as bills against the corporation, and
as thick as the members of the legislature
Who wants 'em at one half dollar? Thank
yc, madam, the money e-f"
Next, 1 offer you a pair of boots; made es-
pecially for San Francisco with heels long
enough to raise a man up to the lIEoadley
grades, and nails to insure against being car
ried over by a landslide legs wide enough to
carry two revolvers and bowie knife and the
uppers of the very best horse leather. A man
in these boots can move about as easy as the
State capitol. Who says twenty dollars ? All
the tax payers ought to buy pair to kick the
council with; everybody ought to have pair
ito kick the legislature with, and they will be
found of assistance in kicking the bucket, es-
apecially if somebody should kick at being
kicked. Ten dollars for legs uppers and solesl
while souls, and miserable souls at that, are
bringing twenty thousand dollars in Sacra-
mento ! Ten dollars! Ten dollars Gone
at ten dollars! - s.r..a.s...5
"Next, is something that you ought to have
gentlemen, a lot Of good gallowses-sometimes
called suspenders. l know that some of you
WILL after while, be furnished at the States
expense, but you can't tell which one, so buy
where they're cheap. All that deserve hang
ing are not supplied with gallows if so
there would be nobody to make laws, condemn
criminals, or hang culprits until new elec-
ton. Made of pure gum -elastic-stretch like
ajudge's conscience, and last as long as a Cal
ifornia office holder will steal; buckles of pure
iron, and warranted to hold so tight that nc
mans wife can rob him of the breeches are
in short, as strong, as good, as perfect, as eff
fectual and as bona file as the ordinance against
Chinese shops on Dupont street-gone al
twenty five cents.' -