Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1856-05-21
TYRANNY OF THE PETTE-
COATS. ~
BY FANNY FERN.

BY FANNY FERN.
"We males swagger and talk of our stl-
periority, but only the savage has practised
dominion oyer the weaker SEX simply be-
cause he beats his refractory female in lordly
style. We don't beat our women, and are,
therefore, slaves: we are forced to knock un-
der, because we have fastidious notions of
knocking them down. This may be quite
correct; | only state the fact without COM
mentary. Unbeaten woman is a tyrant.-
A little blonde creature with fair eyes, fragile
figure, whom you could crush in your manly
grasp, somehow or other you find yourself
tremble before her, as before a crowned po-
tentate. She bends you to her purpose, to
her caprices; if you quail not before her an
ger she rushes into Mysteries What is help
less, and above all, clubless man to do? Be
meek and acquiescent."
Of course; no other way, my dear sir, if
you want your shirts to suit you, your old
pants resuwectionised, your dinner kept hot
or any other little accommodation (when
you are in a hurry and can't stop to discuss
matters.) "Clubless mani" / like that;
I'd like to know if they don't always resort
to ARMS when they intend to subdue us |?
| merely ask for information, as 1 am an old
maid myself Now there is no use in trying
to drive any Of the female gender (I'm one
Of the sisters and feels myself qualified to
take the floor, Mr.. ChairmanD There is
necessity for making such bungling piece
work Of matrimony. Were man, I'd
engage to marry any wife you could bring
along. Between you and |, should keep
the bits and reins out of sightD But I'd do
it. She should be docile as kitten, and
believe herself master of the house, too! Oh,
pooh you don't understand the philosophy
of the thing-'tisn't every man that has
call to be AusJandI Do you suppose if
you feed and clothe woman, and keep her
warm that's the end of the chapter? Pshaw
Imagine me to be "Tom Fernv' When
| come home from the office, should take
a microscope view Of my dear Fanny's face,
to see which way the wind blew. If she
looked dull from the thousand petty annoy
ances of house, keeping l should just put my
arm around her blessed little neck (never
mind collars and fixins, and tell her l didn't
care damaged cigar whether l had my ia
vorite pudding or not, if she only loved me.
Wouldn't she brighten up, hey! Do you
think I'd go starving up and down the room
like hyena, and knock over her work basket
and tread on the baby, and break the bell
wire, and scowl till looked like one of those
"gutta percha" phizzes! No, sir! Then
I'd kiss her, and tell her to keep up her
spirits till l came home at night, and we'd
have an early tea, and hear little Tommy
say his prayers, and go towel l darsn't
say it; but I'd take her THEREBY
Well, sir, the consequence would be- she
would see l was the same fascinating Tom
who begged her on my marrow bones on
moonlight evenings "to make me the hap
piest of men," and there isn't one woman in
a thousand Created that way) that wouldn't
love till-you were as happy as fly in a
molasses cup! AS to meek man, defend
me from Bettys in corduroys! I'd prefer to
endure the changing Of arefractory female!"
I'd rather be under tyrant than over
Moses Olive Branch.