Squatter sovereign., 1856-06-10
SHORT PATENT SERMONS.
ON BELIEVING.

. Y D o ws JR


I'N tell you, MY friends, what believe,
And also what don't.
nv FRIENDs-some folks tell you that
you can believe in absurdities and prepos-
terosities, if you only have mind to; but
tell you that you can't believe in what
happens irrational and without the pale of
probability or possibility. You may play
the hypocrite with your own hearts, and
affect to believe in matters and things
that concern your temporal interests, and,
perhaps, eternal welfares; but it is no
more true believing than it would be if /
were to tell you that the next shower would
rain down shillings, and you pretend to
believe every word Of it. No, friends
anything that comes covered with the dust
of doubt, or bedilnmed in the dull shadows
of uncertainty, is attended with misgiv-
ings, in spite Of all the wills, wishes, and
desires that ever found entertainment in
the human heart. If you were told that a
penny planted with potatoes, would spring
up, blossom bank bills and produce silver
dollars an hundred fold, you wouldn't, nor
couldn't, believe it-even though all your
blessed hopes, wife, children, and farrow
cow were at stake. But all this has little
to do with the general tenor OF my dis
course; therefore
MY friends-I will tell you what be-
lieve, and what I don't. / believe that
| man is born to trouble-to trouble not only
himself, but many of his fellow-beings
around him, besides bed.bugs. mosquitoes,
fleas, and other annoying but innocent In
sects. A d-bug doesn't bite with malice
p-epense, and neither does a mosquito give
stab with a murderous premeditation;
and therefore, / don't believe that, under
| such circumstances, either of them ought
to suffer the penalty of death. don't
believe that might makes right, nor that
thousands should die that one may live and
prosper, as the farmer held when he
washed his lousy calf with 6ecoction of
tobacco. / believe that love, like light
ming, goes where it is sent; and that, take
it on the whole, it does just about as much
damage. considering how many heart
strings it snaps-how many bosoms it
makes barren OF JOY and peace-and how
many it hurries out Of the world into an
awful and soul-scaring eternity: but l
don't believe tina. love, properly tempered,
ever did body any harm, as my grand
mother said OF her bread-pills. believe
ti.at good man in the valley Of Jehosho-
phat, is nearer heaven tLan a sinner on
the top of Mount SInai-that pollywogs
are incipient frogs, and politicians patriots
of the most sudden incipiency; but l don't
believe that the man who works the hard.
est for an office under government, is the
one most likely to work the hardest for his
country in her day of trouble and DANCES
unless there be plenty of pay in per-
lspective, or his prospects shine with the
gloss of glory, like pair of dancing
pumps touched off with the white of ar
egg and little lampblack.
NV friends-I believe that. the truth
shouldn't be spoken at all times; and
therefore. shall exercise the precauiior
to tell you that you are all given. more o.
less, to lying. Equivocation and subter
fuge are very nice eloaks for falsehood
but the legs of the lies will stick out from
under them. don't believe that forty lie
will do as much towards helping man on
of scrape as the simple truth put forth il
a state of nudity. believe that most oil
; maids would like to get married if the,
z could but don't believe that old bache
I lors, generally, have any particular desir
) to get into the matrimonial harness, an
help draw a wagon load of IS little respon
sibiIities" up the hard hill Of life. be
> lieve that great takers are little :hinaei
II that not much fruit Of sense is foun
where there is multitude of the leaves
: words. The gift Of CAB is q contribute
of nature bestowed upon those who unfo
u tunately lack the hrains to PROFOUND que
d tons to themselves, and answer them
silence. / believe that man may n
6 complish wonders If he tries hard enough
v, but don't believe india.rubber orer-sho'
Or can be made ont Of lawyers conscience
believe there is a difference in quaht
If not IN price, between pure milk al
chalk and water; but don't belieye d
IN moon is green cheese made out Of 9
N miIk-way. / believe there are as ma
u beautiful forms, noble minds, and Just
M pure blood running among the comm
cn peasansry, as there IS in high-born nobi
ty; but don't believe .ha, fine closI
er ever made gentleman Of clown
mature or blackguard BY profession.