The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1856-05-03
The R,rth of an American Prince.

w neD Mrs. D!ggS DeSinS 10 feel tnaI the
long expected time has at length arrived, she
will wake Diggs from the sound sleep he
will be enjoying, and on his asking, hat
is the matter?" he will be informed by Mrs
Diggs. As soon as Diggs can hastily get on !
his pantaloons, boots and coat, he shall take
the orders of Mrs Diggs and go immediately !
for the Nurse, the Grand Mistress of Digs /
household; as soon as she steps her foot
within his door, and after cscor;ing the Grand
Mistress to the said door, he shall inform the /
family physician, who shall mmed ately re-
pair to the Dieys Castle. Diggs shall also
convey the information of what is transpIr-
inc to all who rank in his household. His
mother-in -law-she shall appear in whatever
clothes she can find handy, the state OF her
nerves, on learning the facts, being In Such
a condition as to prevent an elaborate toilet.
On arriving at the Diggs Castle, she shall ex-
claim, "Ah my dear poor Emily, and
look at Diggs, as if she thought him the
worst of criminals. Diggs, on receiving this
look in silence, shall cause the head cook
and the Maid of the Bed chambers to be
called, and be in waiting in an ante-room for
whatever orders the Grand Mistress OF the
Household may send him. Dggs is expect
ed faithfully to execute all tn Sc orders in
not less than ten minutes, and when they
are accomplished, Dggs is at liberty 10 re-
turn to his private apartments, aud there
await further orders from the Grand Mistress
of the Household. In the meantime his
nervous system may require little weak
toddy, and in the intervals of propping his
nerves, Diggs shall frequently declare that
he wishes the thing was all over.
In the chamber OF Ms. Dag there shall
on V be the physician, The Grand Mistress OF
II H.. -, 80 lt,
latter distinguished Parsonage. before many
days. will maAe an effort to out-raLk the
Grand Mistress of the IInu>ehold, and IN the
tits which cnsue consequent upon TINS Ell
fort. Diggs is expected TO take both sides
and ,arry water on both shoulders. The
cook shall retire TO the kitchen, stir up the
fire. and hold herself ready for any service
needed The Maid of the Bed chambers
. shall assemble herself anywhere within call
/ ing distance from the door of Mrs Digg>
apartment, and when the Grand Mi>tre ; OF
/ the Household gives her orders and tells her
not to be all day about it, she shall obey
. th, IN.
At the moment at which the last pains
slaIl be felt, DiggS shall BE- informed that II
i, nearly all over. Diggs will put more qu S
tons than can be answered, and he Will b"
told to wait a llttlc while longer, that hIs dear
I Emily is hearing up Wonderfully, and Ire
/ aucnrlv calls upon her dear Tommy. lhom-
a. Digs shall sigh, and wish 1t WAS all over
again.
In the morning., when the room IS put 10
I rights, Diggs shall be called to Mrs. Digs
apartments, and the child shall bc presented
/ To him bv the Grand Mistress of the House
hold. and Diggs shall examine il first with
profound astouiShment, and then assuming q
more iovial air shall touch It's little ch, eN
and call it the dear weeny, bevny, nt!t
thing" DiggS shall then ki ; his dear hin
ily about enc dozen times, and express inuci
sympathy for her sulierings. Mrs. DIgG:
y,ll then give him distinctly to UNDERSTAND
that that child is thr last, and that men have
no idea Of the sutf-rings of poor woman
.rhe chila'< name having ong been hNe''
Diccs shall then proceed to the par.or, ant
taking do yu tie family Bible shaii make
minute (prores rerbHb If the birth oil ti''
child in accordance with the long establish
cd usages Of the Amer can sover,igns.
Soon after daylight, the aunt>, the cousins
and all the relations that are recognized D!
the family, including all the relations OF In
,no,hcr-in-law, shall call at the house, an'
be informed Of all the particulars oy III
mother-in-law. The cook and Mao VI u"
Bed chambers will convey the lh'e''i 'i5ehe
I "
,naid of the bcd-chambers next door, an
! ,h,y will convey it to the cook and mad "
, thu, bed chamber of the second yard SO Ina
every family in the block shall receive intel
Iigence of the joyful event by breakfast time
Dirrs will tacn take his breakfast wIthCu
crumb!irlc about the crockcry, and 2 ocee'
to his lace of business. BY his manner
Diops will indi ate to his fellow sovereign
whether the child is a boy or girl. II 1t
boy. Digs will be unusually hveiy-h
T will walk with spriug-his face will be CO
, /, vered with smiles-he will, in fac max
every one he meets exclaim, there goes
happv dog If it is a girl, he will lee
t happy and look happy; but his happine,s
viii be subdued, quiet and calm. When Il
arrives at his place of business, he WI
,here proclaim the great event, and Is nc
expected to notice any little Jokes which ma
!, be perpetrated at his expense.
Il DIygs will return home at least SIX time
; during the first day. He will look at II
9 child six times, and tickling its check vii
his finger will SIX times eXclalIn, .oh, u
dear, wecny, bceny, little thing Dig9
b. will take all orders to the PharnacopoHs IL
and the Pharmacopolist is expected to l
unusually clatcd with the news. Ihc fha
is maconolist will congratulate him III S
D. .
) inc. Digs will inform him that they al
\. doing as well aS can he expected under II
to circumstances, and will 20 into pariicu ar
IS with which the Pharma o. .o.i>t vii he h g
" delighted; aud, # opportunity is Z
t.r.d i exp, cted to air his know ledge
the whole business.
In four weeks after the birth OF the chi!
: ,h,. Grand Mistress of the Household W
vacate the premises. Disgs vii! then 7
It. c.iye strict orders that he Is not expected
ne 90 out after tea The dear, weeny, been
little thing will always be sick after tea, al
he must help his dear Emily to keep 1t qr
ct, and get It sound asleep. He must al
It's hold himself in readiness to get up at lea
six times every night. And during the TIL
his only sleep is cat maps, he will oe ext,
sivcly IN the cdtRip tradc-tilat ait'c.e o.ll
ns found very nee, s>ary for the health ol Il
mt dear, weeny, bcepy, lttle thing
m m In about SIX months after the event, Dig
ed will have some experience in domestic II
and will find out that it has its duties a
cares as well as its pleasuI es.-EcenaHg IL
- letia.
R,RpowEp DREssEs.-We have lately col
ak in posscssion of iact-an undisputa!
fact-that will solve a mystery that has 10
ers nuzzled some of the observers and wrlt'
mon female dresses. The puzzle has be
that women of sane mind should trail {
pensive silk, or other costly stuff dres:
ipr through the dirty streets of New York;
eat that they SHOULD even have such garm'
- made three or four inches too long for
ash statue of the wearer. The fact that we ha
pay learned explains all this seeming Wont
away. These dresses are not SO made
. the wearers-they were originally made
taller women, and are borrowed. A pers
rm- wen Shhieu !" \.
ale beyond the POSSIBILITY Vi uiSpute, tndl IN
hat ,ha ,rom.n seen in Broadway with CO
leir VI Wv =: A. -. -
lxy