Nebraska advertiser. [volume] (Brownville, Nemaha County, N.T. [Neb.]) 1856-1882, 1856-08-02
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he can be generous when you haFe
nothing to give.
ADVICE 10 BARNUM.-Nov you,Fe
written your life, try to mend it.
Laziness travels sOslowly that pOTe1-
ty soon overtakes her.
Quills are taken from the piihions bf
one goose to spread the opinions sf
another.
An old maid down east says they
make no good looking glasses nova
days.
The jolly chap who married fatold
lady with 500, 900, says it was not his
wife's face attracted him SO much as
her figure.
''What is a backbiter?' asked tie
parson Of his Sunday school This
was a poser, till a little urchin answer
ed, "be he fea?'
A. collegian, enlightening a farmer
upon animalcula, applied his microscope
to the cheese; saying, 'ow, look and
see them Eiggle." .sWell," said the
farmer, placing the cheece in his mouth,
'1et them wiggIe, lean stand it as long
as they can" se,s53
''YOd ask and you receive not, be.
cause ask a-naiss, " said a young lady
to an old gentleman who had popped
the question to her. ...''
AnhonestDutchman, on being asked
how often he shaved, said, ''Dree dimes
a week, every day but Soontay-Den
l shafe every tay.
The sea of matrimony is often dis
turbed by Squalls II
The Main Law and Theology are at
variance; for the ''spirits Of the iust,''
as well as the wicked, are doomed to
obstruction.
/ - can marry any girl l please,
said young man boastingly. every
true" replied his waggish companion,
''for you can't please any.
Felons generally appear on the ends
of the fingers and thumbs, but some.
times on the end of a rope. b
@Why don't you hold your head up
in the world as I do?p asked naughty
lawyer of a sterling old farlner.4
"Squirey" said the farmer, Ssee that
field of grain; the Well-filled headhun
down, while those only that are empty
stand upright"
Girls kissing each other-sa wicked
waste of the raw MATERIAL
In New Haven, the Medical College
is on the road to the cemetery; the Di-
vinity College; on the road to the Poor
House; ndthe Law School ontheroad
to the Jail d
Woman viii forgive every thing in a
man but neglect; every thing in a
woman except her beauty.
Drinking healths is bad diet. He
who drinks the health Of every body
drinks away his own.
"Docter, can you tell me why nv
eyes are so weak?" ssYes'' replied
Galen, ''because they are in weak
place."
At what time of life may a man be
said to belong to the vegetable king
dom? When experience has made him
sage.
A quack medieine-maker advertises
a poultice that will draw out mems
virtues. Their vices may be drawn
out without the aid of poultices.
IF you want to attract attention, 20
into church; some Sunday, after the
services have begun, in pair Of new,
1 squeaking boots, and parade up the
broad aisle.
An editor who became militia captan.
was aboutto order his men, on training,
s'Two PAGES in front-advanee." !" cried
out in mistake, 'Cash, two dollars a
year, in advance" He was court
martialed and ignominiously ordered
to read his own paper fOur-aud-twenty
hours.
A witness in liquor case at Man
chester, n. Y, the other day, gave the
following testimony: aSalsoda IS ice,
and some stuff squirted into it from a
concern. Don't know whether it is
Intoxicating or MOTT makes one feel
good-feet lift easier.'
Mrs. Smithers says her husband was
7 once the greatest military man in the
country. For two years he was
Lieutenantin the Horse Marines, after
which he was promoted to Captaincy
: in a regular company of sapheads and
The boy that is whipped too much,
and they boy that is whipped too little,
are both equally bad. The one IS
5 spoiled with raw -hides-thc otherwith
lollypops