Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1856-04-16
ETHAN SPIKES VISIT TO PORTLAND.

seed. was there in '38, to see little about
my going to the Legislator, and sich rum
time as had you never hearn tell on. Did 1
ever tell you about the ice scream scrape /
had 10
We answered in the negative, and he re-
sumed
"Wal, I'd bin down thar two or three days
pokin' about in every hole, am tho't IL seed
everything there was to be seed; but one day,
toward sundown, L was goin' by shop IN Md
die street, that looked wonderfully slick
there was all manner of candy an peppermints,
am jessamints, an'-an' what-nots at the win
dows. AM thar war sims with gold letters on
to them, hangin' round the door, tellin' US how
they sold soda mead an ice cream thar. says
to myself, have hearn good deal about this
ere ice cream, an now I'll be darn'd if l won't
see what they're made on. SO puts my hands
in my pockets am walked in kinder careless,
an says to chap standin' behind the couu
ter: sDo you keep any Ice screams here 2
sssYes sir,' says he, chow much III you have"
ssI considered mint ont, an says 1, "a
pint, SIR
ssThe young feller's face swelled out, an he
while he ax'd
ss Did you say pint, sr''
essSartin,' says L sbut p'r'aps don't mind
tal,in' a quart
ssWal, don't you think, the feller snorted
right out. Tell yer what, it made me feel sort
o. pison, an gave him look that made him
look sober in about a mint, an when clench-
ed my fist an looked so at him, there Mr..
Spike favored US with most diabolical ex
pression,] he hauled in his horns about the
quickest, am handed me pint of the stuff as
perlite as could be. Wal, l tasted mouthful
of it, an found it cool as the north side o.
Bethel Hill in January. I'd half mind to
spit it out, but Just then 1 seed the confection-
er chap grinnin' behind the door, which riz
my spunk. Gall smash it all, thinks 1, I'll not
let that white livered monkey think Pm afeard
PHI eat the darned stuff if It freezes my in
nards. tell yer what, I'd rather skinn'd
bar, or whipp'd wild cat, but went it. eat
the whole of it in about mint.
stWal, in about quarter of an hour, begin
to feel kinder gripey about here,' continued
Ethan, pointing to the lower part of his stom-
ach, sam kept on feelin' no better very fast,
ingen sawin' shingles in me. 1 sot down on
cheer an bent myself up like nut cracker,
thinkin' I'd grin and bear it; but couldn't set
still-I twisted and squirmed about like an
angle worm on hook, till at last the chap as
gin me the cream, who had bin lookin' on
snickerin," says to me:
Sc sMister,' says he, swhat ails yer? p
ssAils me! = says l, shat ere darn'd stuff of
yur'n is freezin' up my daylights.'
{" you eat too much,, says he.
sc Il tell yer didn't screamed I. Il know
what's anuf, an what's too much, without ask
in you, an if you don't leave of snickerin'
I'l spile your face.'
s'He cottoned right deown, and sed he didn't
mean any hurt, an ax'd me If hadn't better
take some gin. told him would. So 1 TUX
putty good horn an left the shop.
carter got out, felt better for mint or
so, but hadn't gone fur afore the gripes took
me agin, so / went into another shop an took
some more gin; then / sot down on the State
House steps, and there sot an sot, but didn't
feel darn'd mite better. 1 begun to think 1
wus goin' to kick the bucket, an then thot
of father an mother an old Spanker-that's
J.
should never see them agin, farely blubber
ed. But then happened to look up an see
dozen boys grinnin' an laffin' at me; tell
you what, it riz my dander-that had got down
below nero-rite up again. l sprung at 'em
like wild cat, hollerin' out that would shake
their tarnal gizzards out, and the way the lit
tie devils scampered was a caution to nobody.
But arter the excitement of the race was over,
felt wurs agin, an couldn't help groanin'
an screechin' as went along.
"At last tho't I'd go to the theatre, but
afore got there the gripes got so strong that
had to go behind msetin' house an lay
down and holler. Arter while got up an
went into a shop an eat half dollur's worth
of billed listers with four picked cowcumbers,
and wound up with glass of brandy. Then l
went into the theatre and seed the plays. but
1 felt SO tarnally that couldn't see any fun in
'em, for don't think the listers and cowcum-
bers done me any good. sot down, laid down,
and stood up, but still it went on gripe, gripe.
I groaned all the time, an once in while
was obleeged to screech, kinder easy. Every
body stared at me, an somebody hoilered-
sturn him out, once or twice. But at last, Jist
as the niger Orthello was going to put the
pillar on his wife's face to smother her, there
cum sich twinge thro' me, that l rally tho't
I was bustin' am yelled out: oh 4! dear oh
scissors p so that the old theatre rung agin.-
Sich row You never seed the nigger drop
ped the piller, Deuteronomy-or what-you-
call -her-there-his wife jumped up off theSbed
an run, while every body in the theatre was
all up in muss, some roarin', some iaftin',