Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1856-05-08

The remedy for oil this evil is plainly written
upon that " old sign-board." But the politicians
utterly ignore the sign-board policy, and as they
govern, and be blind leaders of :he blind at that,
the phools and dogs keep the field.
Now, l think have conclusively shown that the
country is greatly oppressed by dogs, phools-and
politicians the last class of the trio having been
brought to light, as IN animal before unknown, by
the modern science of free suffrage, which the
world knew nothing of in the days of that "old
sign-board." If the sign-board policy, then, was
undergoing discussion, would move to amend by
inserting the word "politician" after the word
"fools," in order to make the policy conform to
the condition of things in this country. The in
scription, thus amended, would read thus:
Gall dogs, fools and politicians, who travel this
road, will be killed."
Could We thus pass this decree md enforce it,
it would be glorious day in the annals of our
country. But we not only cannot do it, but are
obliged to submit to another violation of right in
| the same connection. The statues of the State
in the very teeth of this law, by the ordinary pro-
gress of the country dogs, fools and politicians
are incorporated in perpetuity, with the right at
tached of a perpetual succession of membership /;
"nta while tho thinking portion of our population
admit that they should be sent to travel on the
phools' road, infallibly and Immediately, yet the
common law, as well rs the phool law, principles
concur n, forbiddingit.
In addition to this, it is nm admitted legal max
i'm that every citizen has the right to buy his peace,
by compromise with his antagonist litigant,
without prejudice to the merits of his cause in
Court. But no citizen of this country has sufi-
cient means to purchase exemption from the pain
full ordeal of beholding wherever he goes, the re-
pulsive and offensive spectacle of the snob and
his dog promenadng the streets together, in all
the nseperabity Of their sociology, and too often
we see group of dogs, snobs and politicians, en-
oying life together over the cups of "bald face,
freely handed round at the politicians expense!
Every department Of society comes in for its
share of the evils of this system. The "fast"
young man goes to College upon funds earned,
perhaps, by his father at the anvil, and there he
soon makes the discovery that he is already quite
smart enough without book "larnin." He kicks
up q rumpus in the Stewards Hall, obtains his
dismissal, comes home riding on the deck of the
stage-coach, or astride of Railroad locomotive,
buys a double-barrel" on his fathers credit
without even so much as saying " by your leave,
sir" gives the word "heigh on" to his pointer
which, he tells you inpompous style, he obtained,
as great favor to himself personally, from the
kennels of Tattersal and, fpally plunges into
the broom-sedge, where no game larger than
cock-sparrow has jingled formany season. The
hunt of course proves unproductive, save in sun
dry rents in his vesuvius-colored unmentionables.
The " "evening shades" draw near, and, as the last
resort of his manly aspirations, he thunders away
tion-chest, at the leatherwinged hats that pursue
the insect tribes over his head; then, wants his
horse, and, precisely at sunset gloomng, he gal
lops into town ut break-neck speed-his double
barrel gracefully poised upon his thigh, hispointer
yelping at his heels, and he all the while not at
all doubling that the trading school misses will
flock in admiring crowds to the windows to gaze
in admiration upon the mighty Nimrod, and that
he will "bag' the prettiest and richest amongst
them just whenever he says the word-"that's all !!
demme!" No one will doubt that he is already
upon the FOOLS road, and that he richly deserves
the penalty denounced by the old sign-board, and
for his countrys good. The only cure for this
class is to chain him to post, and, as the dyspep
tic takes bitters, apply the birchrod thrice day.
The next subject is little dumpy, round faced
young man, with limbs moulded after the model
of y wax doll-small hands-small feet-a mine
ing, affected, dove-lka walk-his face completely
smothered in bristly hair, imparting to his coun-
tenance the appearance of DISQUALIFICATION,
mounted in the centre of coal-black cockade.-
He sports a small whalebone cane, mounted with
q pearl or agate head-piece. A Along-haired span
iel waddles along Mt his heels, the face thereof
both in hair and physognomy, bearing striking
similitule to the substitute for man-his COM
pauion. With costume Enthusiastically denoting
his mental rank, this gilded fgure-head of q
fishing boat will promenade the principal streets,
"from dewy morn to golden eve" just to let folks
see what pretty little dumpling of man he is.
And the young ladies, he thinks, will look Mt him
So too, and in ecstacy declare he is slovely
duck of man." He, too, is on the FOOLS road ;
and the penalty prescribed upon that sold sign
board" is the only cure for his malady.
The type now presents another phase. The sub
iect is taller and his outlines more angular His
dog conforms to the man, by a sort of mysterious
sympathy which AGAssIz alone can explain. The
chin of this subject prospects forward and curves
upward, like the point Of q bull-tongue plow. The
goatee lots forward, too like dish-faced fan, of
which the chin is the stem. Expanding and de-
yeloping from the stem, it first widens and then
narrows by describing an eliptical arc on each
side and terminating at point about eight inches
from the chin. Now, in its ful-hedged stage Of
progress, it bears an apt resemblance to the cow
catcher Of railroad locomotive, turned bottom
side up and placed horizontally, the concave supe-
rior surface having the capacity Of n large-sized
pickle dish. In this plight he ''ooms up" in the
streets, and, like clipper ship, his facial rudder
dividing, by twelve inches at least, the wind in
advance of his headway. He appears at the bars
of the hotels and every where else, with cane
corresponding with his other pretensions, and
watch-seal pendant, of doubtful metal, about the
size of n sleigh-bel, and chain to match. lie has
n,rooror ,vordc