Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1856-12-13
For the Vindicstor.

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Your piece was handed in at full sitting
of the club. l, as your friend, was deputed
to read it, In doing SO laid most stress
on those places where you seemed to think
you were witty / wish you could have
seen the varying countenances of those most
interested in each paragraph. When read
the musical thees, thous, thys and thines,
you ought to have been there to see the eff
fect-the convulsive twitchings about the
mouths of my audience showed their feel
ings to be almost beyond control--while
reading the delightful play on the words.
winning little ways" and twisting them in-
to 'lttle winning ways" noticed pleas
ant surprise depicted on the face of No. 2,
but | thought his eyes would pop out of bis
head when you SO boldly claimed the Pro-
fessorship Of Book handing, and other little
ways Of the same kind for Benedict. 1t may
be he thought he had offended the class
past forgiveness, and therefore was destined
to wend life's weary way unrelieved by such
pleasing recreations. think the appeal YOU
made to the compassion of No. 8, had its
effect ; he put his handkerchief to his face,
when you so pathetically called yourself
Poor Benedict" was unable to find out
what impression you made upon Nos. s & 4.
No. has, by age and experience, acquir-
ed such complete control over his counte-
nance, that it is no longer an index to his
feelings. No. 4, on the other hand being
an impressible youth, seeing what effect q
certain member of the Bar produces, by
leaning his elbow on the back of his chair,
resting his head on his hand, closing his
eyes, and occasionally rubbing his brow
with his forefnger, thought he could do SO
too, thus his countenance was 40 imbassibe
as marble. AT length your argument was
closed, and the club were at liberty to an
swer No. said he was entirely unable TO
find the wit which he supposed to Turk un-
der your quotation 'fGaum ha5es IN cornu,'
and charitably concluded that, like Dean
Swift, you intended your readers to take it
for granted, if at any time, you appeared
remarkably dull and meaningless; there was
something hidden under it toe deep for any
but the most learned to comprehend 1t
was possible you meant to use the more ia.
motis Latin, az Hattbus tnum, /" both be
ing equally applicable. At any rate he re.
quests you, hereafter, to put the witty places
in capitals No. 2 thong ht the girls ought,
IN justice to themselves, to make all tho
French Benedicts bring passes dated and
signed by their wives, setting forth the kind
of chat, &c, in which they were allowed to
indulge on that particular evening. No. 3
was more thoroughly convinced of the iu>t.
ness of his opinion about the pet Renedicts
from the effuson of their champion, the sc-
knowledged star of their order; had Bleisos
offered him his most logical argument, writ
ten to sustain his opinion of Bcnedict's all
illness, he would have taken the pets piece
in preference, nothing could be more con-
elusive. He was amused at Benedict's at
tempt to prove that it was rot the pets who
were silly in waiting On the gfls, but the
girls themselves were SO, for allowing tt
No is satisfied with Benediet's expisua-
ton of the harmlessness Of the pets, 1.-THE
baubles and unrealities" have rather an ugly
appearance, but he supposed Benedict want
ed to show US how unpublished a term tamil
iarity was, BY using yet grosser language
he is satisfied that Benedict has proved, as
far as words could. that he has az much harm
in him as the best of lis No. 3. The in
eorrigibic Old Bachelor is tcklcd to deaf,
with your piece. He says there is more
sense in it than there appears to be, and be
then went into long course of reasoning TO
prove the truth of his very singular opin-
ions, the conclusion of which was, as near
as can recolect, in these Words that fell
low is advocating the free love system, the
very thing | have been in favor Of for long
time. | am miserable old bachelor, AMI
that too mot from choice" as this Benedics
most correctly states; but this system when
once established, viii put me on Level With
the best Of these charming lady killers, even
the tandsomest and smartest Of them all
yes, even Benedict himself Sir, this man
Benedict is philosopher / always con
tended that this thing Of being tied to one
woman all your life, was most intolerable
hardship. Why should . man expepd all
his attentions, his wit, and winning ways
upon one woman? Give me the whole
souled generous hearted man, who can lovo
all the dear creatures.
In conclusion, the club, thankful for the
advice given by Benedict, would give the
pets some, in retarn, viz Confine YOUR
selves to your tongues, in future. Shun pen,
ink and paper as you would the plague re-
member, what is said on paper has not the
benefit of the airs and graces your set arc
so celebrated for; though giving you this
advice after the appearance Of your piece.
is like telling you to lock the stable after
the horse is gone. p.