Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1856-06-21
4 Yir. in EcStacy and a Husband in
EidSctS.

The deed - accomplished. My wife
has got piano, land now iarcwch The
tranquil miud-nIewcll content and tho
evening papers and the big cigars that
make ambition yirtuc--Oh, farewell And
oh yc mortal engines. whose rude
tFroals the immortal JoyG'S d!eld clAm0r's
counterfeit :" buI stop, | can't bid them
farewell for one of tkcm has jus, arrived.
Ii came on 4 dray. Six men carried II in
10 the parlor, and II gruntcd awiully. II
weighs ton, shines like mirror, and has
carved Cuplds climbing up lis limbs. And
such lungs whew My wife has com
mcnccd to practice, and the first time she
touched the machvc. though, we were
IN the milst of a thunder storm, and the
lightning had struck the crockery chests.
The cat with tail erect, took bee line for
a particular friend upon the back fence,
dcmolshing 4 six shilling pane OF glass.
The baby awokc. and the little fellow
tried his best 10 beat the instrument, but
he didn't do il. Ii beat him. A teacher
has been introduced into the house. He
says he is the last OF NapOleon's grand
army. He wears huge moustachc.
/ LOOKS at me iicrcely, smells of garlic, and
goes by the name of Count Runaway
and-ncver.come .back-agan.by- -and.by..-
lie played an extract dc opera the other
night. He run his fingers through his
hair twice, then grinned; cooked his eye
up at the ceiling like monkey hunting
flies, then down came one of his fingers,
and heard delightful sound, similar TO
that produced by cockroach dancing up
on the tenor string of fiddle. Down
came another finger, and was reminded
of the wind whlstllng through knot-hole
IN hen coop. lie touched his thumb,
and thought | was in an orchard listen
ing TO the distant braying of n jackass
Now he ran his fingers along the keys,
and ! thought OF boy rattling stick up
on a picket fence. All Of sudden he
stopped, and ] thought something had
happened. Then down came both fists,
and OH, Lord such noise was never
heard before. thought hurricane lad
; struck the house, ard the walls were cav
ing in. ! imagined was in the cellar,
and a ton OF coal was falling upon my
head. | thought the machine had burst,
when the internal noise stopped, and l
heard my wife cjaculalc-"ExquiSiic ~
"Whal the deuce is the matter ~ The
answer was, "Why, dear, that's La
Somnambula !" "D-n Somnambula ~
thought !, and the CCun, rolled up lis
sheet of paper lie calls j, music but
for the life of me cant make il look like
anything else than rail fence with a lot
of juvenile niggers climbing over il. Be.
fore that instrument of torture came into
the house could enjoy myself. but now
every darned woman IN the neighborhooa
must be invited TO hear the new piano, and
every time the blasted hing shrieks out,
like 4 locomotive with the bronchitis,
have to praise lis tone, and when the IN
vlIed guests arc playing, have to say.
."Exquisitc ~ "Delighful - "Ilcay-
enly !" and all such trash, while, a, tho
same time, know just as much about
music as a blind coGlish. There are
more tuning banners than comforts IN
our house, and-and wish the inventor
Of the piano was troubled with perpcm-
al nightmare, and obliged To sleep IN one
oi his instruments all hIs life. As for
myself I'd rather put my head under
( TN pan and bc drummcd 10 sleep with :
| pair Of smoothing irons than hear La
Somnambula,' or any other La-ihumpcd
,I A..
Of my house, and draw together all The
wandering mnsIres IN Ihe ciiy--haDd VI.
gans, banJos, IlddlcS. lambOurlnes, fatlipg
bones and fish horns. Let juvenile moiN
keys crawl III at ny windows 10 search
OF three cent pIcces--Iot me be awakened
., midnight by Tic cry Of "murJcr ~
rIng the fire bells and have devil ol
time geRetally--du al lhia. and will no,
complain, but banish tie piano, My
piano has got to 90. ! aID going 10 launch
The internal machinc out OF tbe window
the first dark night. aud, nay friends, (
advise you TO sleep wIlh cotton in your
cars. or when she gives her diving gIUnl
you'll lhInk you've fallen out Of bed OF "a
iaIeR siar has gone 10 rrosl upon yOus
house top. For 10: mformatlon of
\" Young America viii state that all
the pieces ol brass wIre and ivory keys
they are wc,rome To, but the skeleton
want iOr a refrigerator.
Why Is ucwspapvr like tooth brush,
Beeausc every man should have one of
his own, AMI not be borrowing his neigh
bOTs.
Never cOnidc IN young man ucw
pals leak. Nescr tell your secret TO tho
aged old doors seldom .hnI clnselg-