The Carolina Spartan. [volume] (Spartanburg, S.C.) 1852-1896, 1856-09-11
The Swell head Disease.

This dreadful disase sometimes attacks
horses, and, probably, other animals, as
monkeys and jackasses; and some birds, as
the parrot and mocking. bird. But men
are more subject to it, and with them il is
more fatal.
CAUSE. Facuity in the Uranium. Il is
often augmented by fa.tery, especially
when the cerebrum is small and in sbaped.
Men of large information, however, are
sometimes afflicted with Il, in which case
there Is found an inordinate swelling in the
upper region Of the head. just back Of the
oper eronii. The protuberance is called
selfesieem.
SYMPTOMS. Tue poor creature usually
fancies himself the biggest smartest best,
and handsomest man in the crowd-loves
the "uPpermost seats in the synagogues'-
is given to impudence, impertinence, and
usually bad manners in conpany-is cen-
serious and fond of finding aad exposing
The foibles Of his associates-has few friends
and no lovers, and has generally bad
odor to polite and well bred people-givep
TO swelling and strutting, rs IL in one mo.
ment he fancied himself toad, and the
next a tu,key-cock. lie is egotistic, and
passionately found Of high-sounding titles.
as Squire, Captain, Colonel, General, DC.
lhls miserable patient is sometimes SO in,
iatua'ed rs 10 attempt to stride the ocean, or
jump over very high mountains These
are only few of the symptoms of this
malady, but enough to identify il.
TREATMENT. When il is caused hy emp.
tiness of the cranum, it is only necessary
to MI up the vacuum with good ideas, a
solid education, or common sense. When
induced by diminutiveness, or nalforma,ion
ofbrain, The cure is slow and difficult. We
have known some cases which defied every
remedy and destroyed the patients. a
cure must lie attempted 10y exercising and
cuItivating those faculties which are def
c'ent, such as the judgment, and the under
standing, and depicting self esteem, DO.
The skulls of these patients are usually very
thick and hard, so that it is hard pounding
anything into them; but they are excess
lively fond of soft soap-give them pound
or two every day, and it will soften the
skull SO that You can probably get little
gumption into it, or modicum Of ratiocina,
tion, and they will soon be well. When
this will not cure, soft soap will palliate.
In the case Of those gentlemen, from ten
to twenty years old, who get putting on the
boots and pantaloons Of their fathers, and
to teaching their teachers, roproving, coun.
selling, and sometimes Insulting Old ape.
chewing tobacco, smoking cigars, and drink.
ing whiskey-sweating, and cutting the
dandy swell head generally appetite for
'a'e honrs' bad company, and bar-rooms
voracious-a hitlc oil Of birch. applied By
tie parental hand, as tie best remedy. Then
keep them out of the night air and bad
weather. If this does no; effect cure by
the divine blessing-the head grows AMI
grows, Till the poor sufferer topples over \
few times. and knocks out half his self es.
teem.- Louisiana BgptisL
PETER Funk WoRsrED.-?eter Punk is
shrewd man, and generally carries his
point; but he sometimes gets wors,el. A
case has recently occurred which we will
relate. y comtryman named King was in
the city on business, and though appearing
somewhat green was not altogether un-
acquainted with the ways Of Gotham. He
heard of Peter, and resolved TO see him. He
accordingly went into mock. auction store.
where number Of men were examining
watches, with the apparent intention Of
buying.
When King entered, wise looks were ex-
changed between these gently. and the sale
soon commenced. 4 handsome and vaIua.
Die gold watch was offered, and King. be-
ing good Judge Of the article, bid it mt
50 lie immediately put it into his pocket
and TUNED to leave. The auctioneer asked
hlm to hare the watch done up. NO" re-
Piled King. 81 will carry it in my pocket
1t Will be safe" You had better have
1t done up" persisted the auctioneer; "you
can Then put 1t in your trunk and carry il
home without danger of losing it." 81 new,
e. lose anything" replied King.
By This time several men had gathered
around linn, some advising him 10 have it
done up, and others asking him to let them
looS at It, But he declined all offers, and
started Tor the door. Peter saw that he had
got hold OF the wrong customer, end resoly-
ed TO effect by force what he could not by
deception. \ man sprang before Hing,
and WAS about to close the door. while the
others pressed closely around him.
Thereupon he drew n revolver, and "a.
s"r'ng them that 1t was we'll loaded and n
sure hre, told the man at the door, in n very
cool and deliberate manner, that if he AT.
tempted to shut it, he would blow his brains
out forthwith. Then pushing away the
men with pair Of stout arms, he exclaim
cd, The ilrst man who dares to lay his hands
ON me vii. Ge shoG' They all STOOL back
and King walked out with his watch. while
ieter found himself done liule browner
than he ever remembers to have been.
". J. Post.
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