Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1856-08-01
EDITOR q PRoPRIEToR
} WHOLE no. a4a.
THE PIANoI


music inshis soul lets off the following
The deed is accomplished. My wife
has got piano, and now farewell 70
the tranquil mind farewell content and
the evening papers aud the biz cigar that
makes ambition virtue fare we'll And
oh: ye mortal engines. whose rude throats
the immortal Joye's dread clamors couu.
terfeit !" but stop, / cane bid them fare.
well, for one Of them has Just arrived. IL
came on dray. Six men carried ID into
the parlor, and it grunted awfuily. Il
weighs a ton, shines like a mirror, and has
And such lnngs-whew Ny wife has
commenced 70 practice. and the tirs. time
she touched the machine, though we
were in the midst of thunder storm, and
the lightning had struck the crockery
chests. The cat. with tail erect, took q
bee line for particular friend upon the
back fence, demolishing a six shilling pane
of glass. The baby awoke. and the little
fellow tried his best to beat the instra~
ment. but he didn't do It. Il beat him.
a teacher has been Introduced into the
house. He says he is the last of Napo.
leon's grand army. He wears huRs
moustache, looks at me tierceIy, smells Of
garlic, and goes by the name Of Count
Run-away..andAneye eome-.baek.aFain-
by. He played an extract de opefs The
other night. He run his fingers through
his hair twice, then griuned. then no
cooked his'eyes up at the ceiling, like q
monkey hunting flies. then down came
one of his fingers, aud heard a deliuht4
full lsound, similar to that OF q cookroadh.
dancing upon the tenor string OF fiddle.
Down came another finger. and was
reminded of the wind whistling throuphe a
knot hole Ia hen coop. He touched his
thumb. and l thought I was ia an or.
chard, listening to the distant drawings Of
a jackass. Now he ran his tinRer along
the keys, and l thought OF q boy rafting
a stick upon picket fence. All Of aud.
den, he stopped, and thought something
had happened. Then down came both
fists, an oh, such a noise never heard
before. though hurricane had struck
the house and the walls were enying In.
l imagined was 10 the cellar, and ton
of coal was falling upon my head. I
thought the machine had burst, when the
internal noise stopped, and heard nv
wife calculate, Z" Exquisite l"-What the
duce is the matter2" The answer wac.
/" Why dear, that's La Somuambuia r.
"Blame. Somnambulal' thought md
the Count rolled up his sheet OF pa.
per. He calls il music but for tho life
Of me. cant make It look like anything
else but a rail fence with lot ofiuyeniis
niggers climbing overit. Before that in.
strument Of torture came into the house;
l could enjoy myself, but now every
darned woman in the neighborhood must
be invited TO hear the new piano, aud ev.
cry time the blasted thing shrieks out.
like locomotive with the bronchitis, I
have TO praise its tones. and when the in.
vited guests are playing, l have 10 say
/" Exquisite! Delightful Heavenly ~
and all such trash, while, nc the
same time, l know just as much about
music as a blind Goldfish. There are more
tuning hammers than comforts about our
house, and-and wish the inventor Of
the piano was troubled with a perpetual
night mare, and obligated to sleep in ono
Of his instruments al his life. AS for
myself, l had rather put myi head under
tin pan, and be drummed to sleep with
a pair OF smoothing irons. than hear "La
Somnambula," or any other La, thumped
out of piano. Scatter pennies in front
Of my house, aud draw together all tho
wandering minstrels in the city-band or.
gaus, fddles, bapjOs, tambesrineS, rat.
Ting bones and fish horns. Let juvenile
monkeys crawl in a. my windows in search
ofthree cent pieces-let me be awakened
at midnight BY the cry Of murder. - riug
the FIRE bells and have devil Of time
generalIy-do all this. and will NOT com.
plain; but Danish the pianos Ny piano
has got to go. lam going to lauheh tho
internal machine out at the window tho
frst dark night. and, my friends. advise
| you TO sleep with cotton in your cars, or
when shegiyes her dying grunt, you will
think you have fallen out Of bed or q
fallen star has gone 70 roost upon your
housetop. For the information of, Young
America" / will state that all the pieces
of brass wire aud ivory keys. they are
welcome TO. but the skeleton want fog
q refrigeration.
L