The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1856-08-14

The Birth ofnn Amarican prince.

PROGRAMME OF THE CEREMONIAL TO BE OBSERVED on
THE BIRTH CHILD TO MR. DIGGs. ONE OF THE
SOvEREIGNs OF AMERICA
! When Mrs. Diggs begins to feel that the long ex-
pected time has at length arrived she Will wake Dggs
from the sound sleep he will be enjoying and his
asking SC What is the matter?' he will be informed
by Mrs. Diggs. AS soon Diggs can hastily get on
his pantaoons, boots and coat, he shall take the
ders of Mrs. Diggs and go immediately for the Nurse
the Grand Mistress of Digg's household as soon as
she steps her foot within the door, and after escorng
the Grand Mistress to the said door, he shall inform
the family physician, who shall Immediately repair to
the Diggs Castle Dggs shall also convey the infr-
nation of what is transpring to all who held rank in
! his household. His mother-in-law-she shall appear
in whatever clothes she find handy, the state of
her nerves, learning the facts being in such
dton as to prevent an elaborate toilet. On arriving
at the Diggs Castle she viii exclaim &c All my poor
dear Emily, . and look ut Diggs + she thought
j him the worst of criminals. Dggs, on receiving this
look in silence, shall the head cook and the
Maid of the Bedchambers to be called and be in wait
ing in ante-room for whatever orders the Grand
Mistress of the house may send them. Diggs is ex-
pected to faithfully execute all these orders in not
less than ten minutes, and when they accomplished
Dggs liberty retire to mis- private apartments
and there await further orders from the Grand Mis-
tress of the Household In the meantime his nervous
system may require little weak toddy, and in the
intervals of propping his nerves Dggs shall frequent
~ declare that he wishes the thing was all over
In the chamber of Mrs. Diggs there shall only be
the physician, the Grand Mistress of the Household
and the moher-n-law The latter distinguished per-
sonage, before many days, will make effort to out
rank the Grand Mistress of the Household and in the
tits which consequent upon this effort Digns
is expected to take both sides and carry water on both
shoulders. The cook shall retire to the Kitchen stir
up her fire and hold herself ready for any service
needed. The Maid of the Bedchamber shall assem-
BILE herself anywhere within ceiling distance from the
door of Mrs. Diggs apartment, and when the Grand
Mistress of the Household gives her orders and tells
her not to be all day about it, she shall obey them.
At the moment at which the signs propitious
Diggs shall be informed that it is nearly all over
Diggs will put more questions than can be answered
and he will be told to wait little while longer, that
his dear Emily is bearing up wonderfully, and fire.
quently calls upon her dear Tommy. Thomas Diggs
shah sis 5ig, g %esffss it Was al put TO rIghts
Diggs shall be called to Mrs Digg's apartment and
the child shall be presented to him by the Grand Mis-
tress of the Household, and Diggs shall examine it
first with profound astonishment, and then assuming
more oval air. shall touch its little cheek and call
it s' the dear, weeny, beeny, little thing Diggs
shall then kiss his dear Emily about dozen times,
and express much sympathy for her sufferings Mrs.
Diggs will then give him to distinctly understand
that that child is the last, and that have idea
of the sufferings of poor The child's name
having been long fixed, Diggs shall then proceed to
the parlor, and, taking down the family bible, shall
make minute (proceS Uer6al) of the birth of the
child in accordance with the long established usages
Of the American SovereignS.
Soon after daylight, the aunt the cousins, and all
the relations that recognized by the family inclu
ding all the relations of the mother-in-law, shall call
at the house. and be informed of all the particulars
by the mother-n-law. The cook and Maid of the
Bedchambers will convey the intelligence over the
back yard fence to the cook and maid of the bedcham
bers next door and they will convey 1T to the cook
and maid of the bed-chambers of the second yard,
that every family in the block shall receive intelligence
of the joyful event by breakfast time.
Diggs will then take his breakfast without grumb-
ling about he cookery, and proceed to his place OF
business BY his manner Diggs will indicate to his
fellow soveregns whether the child is boy girl.
If it is boy, Dggs will be unusually livelyhe will
I II,
smiles-he viii, in fact, make every he meets
claim, s' There goes q happy dog" If it is girl.
he will feel happy and look happy, but his happiness
will be subduea, quiet and calm. When he arrives
at his place of business, he will there proclaim the
great event, and is not expected to notice any little
joke which may be perpetrated at his expense.
Diggs will return home at least six times during
the first day He will look at the child six times, and
tickling its cheek with his finger, will six times
claims Oh, the dear weeny, beeny little thing -
Diggs will take all orders to the Pharmacologis, and
the Pharmaeologst is expected to be unusually elated
with the news The PharmacoOgist will congratulate
him in set terms, and viii ask how they doing.
Dggs viii inform him that they doing as well as
could be expected under the circumstances and will
go q little into particulars, with which the Pharma-
cologst will be highly delighted. and, if an opportu-
nty is offered is expected to his knowledge Of the
whole business.
In four weeks after the birth of the child, the
Grand Mistress of the household will vacate the prem
ises Diggs will then receive strict orders that he is
beeny little thing will always be sick after tea and he
must help his dear Emily keep it quiet and get it
sound asleep. He must also hold himself in readiness
to get up at least six times every night And during
the time his only sleep is cat maps he will be extern
sively engaged in the catap trade that article being
found very necessary for the health of the dear weeDy
beeny little thing.
Inabout six months after the event Diggs will have
some experience in domestic life, and viii find out
that it has its duties and well its pleasures.
t-Phita. I'm.
CHARCOAL FOR SwINE.-It is not perhaps general
ly known, that of the best articles that be
given to swine while in preparation for the tub is
common charcoal. The nutritive properties are so
that they have subssted it without other food for
weeks together Geese confined SO as to deprive them
of metion and fattened on three grains of per
day and as much coal as they can deyour, have be-
come fttened IN eight days The hog eats voracious-
ly after little tme and is never sick while he has
good supply. 1t should always be kept in the sty,