The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1856-10-08


was delivered to jury in behalf Of the de
PENDANT, following an address to the jury I
behalf of the plaintiff. neither remarkable 70
clearness nor perspicuity:
..Gentemen Of the jury, you will doubles
perceive, from what has fallen from my erudlt
friend, that there is a set of people in thi
world Of such q temper and talent. that the.
stultify and entange, confound, perplex ant
dlsmay every circumstance, in every caus
which they undertake to defend, protect. ant
Justify. Instead Of coming to the point, mat
ter, business Of debate, slap-dash. concisel!
and at once, they deyiate, vary, wayer, aber
rate, and fly off therefrom. When we expec
decision, satisfaction and conviction, we NEE
with nothing but dubiety, uncertainty and diff
fculty.
"Thus, gentlemen of the jury, humbll
think, presume, snrmise and imagine it is owing
to the tediousness and prolixity, the nature, tht
genius, and extent whereof shall endeavor Il
examine, expound, expatiate, scrutinise and
promulgate."
Judge, jury, bar-all were conyulsed with
laughter; every bedy saw the joke but the able
counsel for the plaintiff
Daniel Webster was fond Of Joke, but only
of harmless one, and benevolent one He
had In Mortified, across the river from his
Franklin farm, small piece of sandy. barren
land. with a poor house upon it, in which a
very destitute family had been living some
time without paying any rent. Upon one OF
his visits to the place, the good woman ex-
pressed her anxiety about being able to remain.
She hoped Mr.. Webster would not be hard
with her. He heard her through, and told her
with great gravity, that he knew it was hard
case for her, wished to consider her case, and
did not mean to be unkind; but he had great
many to provide for At the same time put his
hand into his pocket, and took out five dollar
bill and handed to her, saying he was sorry he
could not do better by her, but if she thought
she could afford to stay another year for that,
he should be very glad. and rode off,
"All know" says the Portland Transcript
"that many men have great deal Of brass in
their composition, but perhaps all are not aware
of the variety of minerals that enter into and
form part of the human system The writer
in Dickens Household Words thus tells the
story:
''These minerals, which are interviewer with
the living structure Of the plant, are taken up
into the fabric OF the animal And to us they
are as important as the meanest vegetable that
grows. /, who write this, boast myself living
flesh and blood. But lime strengthens my
bones, iron flows in my blood, flint bristles in
my hair, sulphur and PHOSPHORUS culver in
my flesh. In the human frame the rock moves,
the metal flows, and the materials of the earth,
snatched by the divine power of vitality from
the realms of inertia, live and move and form a
part of soui-tenanted frame. In the very
secret chamber of the brain there lies gland.
gritty with earthly mineral matter, which Des-
cartes did not scruple, with crude scientific
impiety, to assign as the residence of the soul /
You could no more hare lived and grown and i
fonrished without iron, and SILICA and pot /
ash, and sodium. and magnesium, than wheat /
could flourish without PHOSPHORUS, grass with
out SILICA, cress without iodine, or clover With
out lime. We are all OF US, indeed, of the
earth, earthly" /
Old doct. Rush, of Philadel phia, used to re-
late a singular instance of monomania in pa
tent in the Philadelphia hospital. He took it
into his head that he was painter, and reso-
lutely refused for long time, though possess
ing fine organs of speech to utter word. The
doctor one day entered his apartment, and
found him sketching on Slip of paper really
very beautiful rose; for he had by long prac-
tice acquired much skill in the artpictorial, and
WIS very proud of the accomplishment One
day thought struck doct Rush that he would
surprise him into voice by dispraising his la
bors, and he resolved to try. "You are paint
ing very handsome cabbage there, my FRIEND"
he observed to the maniac Cabbage! good
gracious, old gentleman, does that look like a i
cabbage? Why, sir, you are fool! That's
a rose. and it is good one too" 1t was not
long before the patient was well. His train of
silent thought was broken, and he returned to |
his home.
tits recorded of an ancient king of Egypt
one of the Ttolemies-that he employed very ?
celebrated architect to build magnificent i
light house, for the benefit of shipping. and or
sered an inscription in honor of himself to be : :
engraved on it. The architect, it is said, al ]
hough inwardly coveting the honor of such 4
record for himself, was obliged to comply; p
'ut made the inscription Of a plaster resem- e
bling stone, but of perishable substance. In :
he course of years this crumbled away, and =
he next generation saw another inscription, re- $
ordlng the name-not of the king, but of the
rchitect. which had been secretly engraved on 'p
be durable stone below. al
ooh, [ met such a beautiful girl in the street
o-day," said gentleman to lady friend to
'hom he was doing the agreeable not many "
yenings since. 'sshe was dressed in very deep
Mourning; think have never seen sweet
r face" "Who could it have beens" said T
is listener, smoothing down her bombazine
ress and glancing at the Grape folds to see if
hey were properly adjusted, pretty, you say?
Tho could it have been? Twas not outp' F
A fellow being brought to the bar, some b. b.
me ago to answer for misdemeanor, told his - ..
rosecutor that he could convict him of being So
9th thief and murderer. Upon being re- cl
uired to prove his assertion, why" said he, bl
you ugly villain, you killed monkey and you 81 81
ole his countenance'' ;,
The Old adage, "You should not count chick sa
rs before they are hatched!'' has obtained a sp
ew reading thus-"The producers of poultry So
,ould postpone the census Of the juvenile >.
wis till the period Of incubation is fully ac- ;.
emphasized" u
Jake" said an old farmer one day to his CT
lower, do you know how many horns there
re in dilemma =
"Well, no, not 'zackly," replied Jake, "but ]