The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1856-06-18
A Wife in Ecstacy and a Husband In
Fidgets.

1
! Fidgets.
The deed is accomplished. My wife has
got a piano, 'and now farewell 10 content and
and the evening papers, and the big cigart
mat make ambition viriue-oh, farewell =
And oh, ye mortal engines, whose rude throa,s
the immortal Jove's dread clamors counter
feit.' But stop, can't bid them farewell, for
one OF them has just come. II came on q
dray. Six men carried it into The parlor, aud
they grunted awfuly. II weight ton and
shines like mirror, and has carved Gu pds
climbing up IFS legs. And such lungs
whew! My wife has commenced 10 prac.
lice, and the first time she touched the ma
chine thought we were in The midst of a
thunderstorm, and the lightning had struck
the crockey chests. The cat, with tail erect.
took bee line for asparicular friend upon
The fence, demolishing a SIX shilling pane Of
glass. The baby awoke; the little fellow
tried hts best 10 beat the instrument, but he
didn't do il-ii beat him..
A teacher has been introduced into the
house. He says he is the last of Napoleon's
grand army. He wears huge mustache,
looks at me fiercely, smells Of garlic, and
goes by the name of Count Run away -and.
never-come-back-againsby. He played Ex-
tract de Opera the other night. He run his
fingers through his hair twice, then grinned,
then cooked his eyes up 10 the ceiling like a
monkey hunting flies, then down came one
Of his fingers, and heard delightful sound,
similar 10 that produced by cockroach up.
on the tennor string of fiddle. Down came
another, and was reminded of the wind
whistling through knot hole in hen-coop.
He touched his thumb and thought | was
in peach orchard listening 10 the braying of
a jackass. Now he runs his fingers along
the keys, and l thought Of boy rafting a
stick upon picket fence. All of a sudden
he stopped, and I thought something had
happened. Then came down both flats, and
oh, Lord such noise was never heard be-
fore. Thought hurricane had struck the
house and the walls were caving in. ina
gined was iE the cellar and ton of coal
falling in on my head. l thought the ma.
chine had burst, when the internal thing
stopped and heard my wife exclaim,
"Exquisile."
"Whal The deuse is the matter?
The answer was
cWhy, dear, that's La Somnambula."
"D--n Somnambula, thought I, and The
Count rolled up his sheet Of paper.
He calls il music, but for The life of me
can't make il look like anything else, tran a
rail fence with lot of juvenile nlegers
climbing over il. Before that instrument of
torture came into the house | could enjoy
myself, but now every darned woms q in the
neighborhood must be invited to hear the
new piano, and every time that blasted thing
shrieks ont, like locomotive with the bron-
chilis, have 10 praise lis tone, and when
the invited guests are playing have TO say,
"Exquisite! "Delightful m "Heavenly w and
all such trash, while at the same time,
know just as much about music as a Goldfish.
There are more tuning hammers than com.
fort in our house, and--and l'wish The inven-
Tor of the piano was troubled with perpelu-
al nightmare, and obliged 10 sleep in one of
his instruments all his life.
As for myself, had rather put my head
under tin pan and be drummed to sleep
with pair Of smoothing irons than hear La
Somnambula,' or any other La lhumped ou,
of piano. Scatter pennies in front of my
house, and draw together all the wandering
minstrels in the city-hand organs, baDios,
fiddles, tamborines, rafting bones and fish
horns. Let the juvenile monkeys crawl in al
my windows in search of three cent pieces,
le: me be awakened at midnight by the cry
of murder p ring the fire bells and have a
devil of a time generally do all this, and
will not complain; but Danish the piano.
My piano has got 10 go. | am going TO
launch the internal machine ou: of The win.
dow the first dark night, and my friends and
neighbors, / advise you 10 sleep with cotton
in your ears, for when she gives her dying
grunt, you'll think you've fallen ou, Of bed,
or fallen star has gone to sleep on your
housetop. For the information of Young
America, will state that the pieces of brass
wire and ivory keys they are welcome to,
but the skeleton want for a reirigiraior-
Exchange.