The Trinity journal., 1856-11-29
Doesticks hears a Popular Preacher.

Things have changed Before my hair
tarucd gray with age and pety, clcrEymcn
used to take their texts from the Bible, and
preach peace and good will to men, women
and little girls Our old minister. whose
Sundays sermon chaStiscd my Saturday S
apple stealing didn't take gunpowder text,
and under aromatic schnapp'S inspiration,
preach howitzer and SiN-poundcr sermon.
having submarine battery pcroration, with
a large invoice of revoISerS and b0wic-knives
thrown in by way of rhetorical grace He
used to think his duty was to keep his pco-
pie from war and strife and teach beIigcr-
ant humans not to pull off their coats for u
free fight every time amy body trod on their
couS
lrcccntIy attended the performance Of the
Rev Blood and Thunder Scrccchcr. who is
renowned for his prolonged shrcks for free
dom, di,union, free Kansas, runaway dar-
kicS, SharpcS rifles, hoWic-kuivc2, bulldogs,
aad Il big muSS generally lIeprcachcs clec-
tonccrlng sermons, and it is said that he car
ries his pockets full of Fremont ballots. and
makes his people take vote ON the PrcSi-
dental question every Sunday, to see that
they are all sound on the goose 1t is al
50 asserted that he spends his leisure hours
firing at the iron man in the shooting gal
lery and in throwing u tomahawk at u
mark occasionally varying those delightful
occupations 10y taking boxing lessons, learn
mg how to 'goHgc' Missouri, taking long
drinks Of aromatic >chnapps between times.
Went to the church, which was arranged
like II theater, with the best place for those
who pay the most money instead of pull
PIT there was II STAGE for the ministers to
perform ou-pcopc came in droyca- seats
were soon inlI--then a huge pyramid Of
stools in one corner was attacked hy six en-
crgctjc and determined sections, who ypecdi-
Iy tore it to pieces, and scattered the frag-
ments through the aislcs for folks to sit ON.
OrganiSt executed grand Kansas battle
piece in five SharpS with vocal limitations Of
the shricks Of the settlers and the curses of
the border rulllans Then the minister came
up through trap door like the harlequin in
the pantOmimc when the devil had rot an I'M
vitaton for him he prayed long prayer
in his ovcrcoat then he took off his over
coat and read a hymn, Il very quick metre,
with very strong chorus then sat down
The orgaust here made preparations to
gyratc he rolled up his coat sleeves 50 as
not to interfere with his fingers then he
rolled up his pantaloOuS so as not to inter
trrc with his toes, then he unbuttoned his
crayat and loo,cncd his vest at thi, instant
a very muscular man disappeared from the
ranks in the gallery, vanished through cub
by-holc and was instantly lost in the anato-
my Of the organ. Then there was a great
rattling in the bowels thereof, as if it couldn't
digest the muscular man, but had great
deal Of wind ON its stomach.
/ THIS was the preparation
Then the organst commenced violent
struggle with the keyboard, as if he regard
cd the unfortunate organ as sticulr enc
my, whom it would require his utmost
strength and deXterity to overcomc--so he
went n--hc hammered him on the white
keys, he bcltcd him on the black ones, he
punched him in the scmtoncs he kicked him
in the double bass, he put in series of run
ming kicks in his chromatic scale he peltcG
BIN in the flats, he battered him in the
sharps, he smotc him in the high KEYS h,
bit him in the low notes, then he grabbed
both hands ip his OCtaves and shook him un
til be squeaIcd then he ferociouSly erkeC
out the stops on one side, as if he was pull
ing half his teeth out Of his hcad-then h
sayagcly jammed in those on the other as
he was knocking the rest of his grinder
down his throat-after three quarters of Il
hour the left hand, which had been don
maniul service in the lower suburbs, bcga
to fail, and sent for reinforcement wnert
upon the right hand, after hitting the uppe
chord OF q sharp furious dig to keep i
the interval, scampered to the rescue, onl
i stopping by the way to bestow upon the miC
: die { couple of punches by way of re
t minder-then the player with both hands
both feet, and his knees, went at the poo