Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1856-02-14
Darietp.
From the Evening Post.
MIR. Padcorn's First Partv.
seen E FIRST.

md staring at every new conner who entered
he room. Padcorn follows their examples, and
o his astonshment notices that human beings,
who enter looking like clam boys, are transfor-
ned in about two minutes into elegant men of
stiff leisure, in beautiful boots and white gloves,
smiling and bene6cent. He goes down stairs in
sort OF dream, enters the parlor, and, immedi-
stely stunned by the confused chatting on all
sides, his remaining senses take flight; finds
himself mechanically following others lead and
wading through combination of hemisphers,
Dut of the top of which arise the forms of women
from the waist upwards. Had heard before Of
woman, half fsh-but never of
females. At length, brought to a
full stop by the gentlemen, whose lead he fol-
ows, stopping and saying few words to hem
spherewoman, he passes on and Padcorn, in his
turn, finds himself in front of the portentious
object, mechanically utters few words, but not
being heard, attempts to get within speaking
distance; but repelled by the hemisphere, and
which he now discovers is bound around with
series of hard ridges, as his shins abundantly
testify on subsequent examination, being unable
to speak to the lady, is obliged to content him.
self with making teIegraphic signals and nod
ding his head gravely and mysteriously. Then
passing on, he next finds himself adrift in a sea
of hemispheres, and experiences constant and
indefnable longings to go up stars--indulges in
painful retrospection, and goes through mental
caiechism.
Query.-Padcorn what are you doing here ?
Pddcorn.-Standing on my pins and looking
around.
Query.-Why did you come here
PadcOrn.-l don't know, I'm sure-I received
a card on which was printed in beautiful italics
" Mrs. Shaw, At home," and beneath in Roman
letters, "Wednesday night, January 18th, 1856"
Why Mrs. Shaw should have taken the trouble
to have this important information, that she was
sat home on Wednesday, January l3, 1885,"
printed on a card, and then sent to me, was a
mystery. | thought it exceedingly kind of her
to let me know this fact, but nevertheless couldn't
explain it, until f1end fortunately solved it for
me in the following expressive words "Why,
you stupid fellow, you're invited to party and
must go,' snd,so here I am, (pinching himself)
at least believe I'm here.
Query.-Well what are you going to do!
Padcorn.-l don't klIow-stand and look on,
suppose, and wish was at home.
Query.-Bat why don't you do as the rest do
-talk9
Padcorn.-Come now, that's all nonsense
In the first place, nobody can hear me in such
noise; and in the second place, I've got nobody
to talk to-
(Just then, the soliloquy was interrupted by a
man with white ribbon on his coat, who come
up and said, "Oh Mr-er-er, what did you say
your name was?'0
Padcorn.-Idid mt say anything, but my name,
sir, is Padcorn, and I'd like to know what the
ID you mean by asking such question!
White RibbOn.-Ibeg your pardon, sir,-don't t
say d. so loud--but allow me to introduce
you to some of the young ladies.
Padcorn (mollifed) oh, my dear sir beg
your pardon Certainly, sir--shoud be most
happy.
! White Ribbon.-Miss Pork, allow me-Mr.
Padcorn. IAN three bow, and man in white
ribbon disappears.)
Mss Pork.-Have you been very gay this
wintert
Padcorn.-No, can't say have. l don't
think ever was very gay-Tve never seen any
thing yet to be gay about. (Undertone)-.I wan
der what she means.
Mss Pork flirting her fan about oh, you
strange. creature you! (Undertone,) I wander
what he means?
Padcorn.-Yes, suppose am, and this is a
strange place for me. In fact never was at a
party before tonight (underone) )-and I'll never
be again. | wander what makes her fiddle
about SO; wish she'd keep still,
Mss Pork He, he, he-.What, do you
mean to say you've never been to party before
but you dance, Isuppose!
Padcorn. Indignant at her hiarity Mo,
l do not: never took dancing lesson in my
life.
Miss Pork-Qosing aher breath )-Oh--wh
-never.-danced- OIL shall faint.
: Padcorn.-(aarmed. What shall l do =
Where shall go! You want air-Oh, please
don't faint You can't lie down, you know, il
those hemispheres.
Miss Pork.-Oh, no, its nothing but yor
terrified me-Don't you polk really!
Padcorn. undertone.) "Poke " wander
what the Dl she means II -(aloud Poke ne
| never poke.
MSS Pork-What! you nave never know
the delights of the polka
Padcorn- -(undertone. Delights of the po
ker "
She's mad-mad as march hare. (Aloud \
No; my servant has charge of that department
and it never struck me that he was very mucl
delighted about it.
Miss Pork.-(Not hearing him, but appar
emily absorbed in pleasant dreams-murmuring
, oh, the dear polka-the delightful polka-th
charming polka (The music strikes up,) Oh
there's to be dance hat it! Listen =
quadrille! Well, you can dance that-you hav
: only to do as the others do-Come, We must &c
$ a vis-a-vis.
r Padcorn.-( Terribly frightened. But a:
7 sure you, Miss, never danced in my life
3. Mss Pork. Yes, but this is quadrille
! only ,oaik in this, and do as the others do.