Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1856-06-11
S!ali 8eaoiuy
A WIFE In ECSTACY AND A HUSBAND IN
FIDEET.

/ ne CeeQ Is accouplsHeu: MY Why uIs So
a piano, and now farewell The tranquil mind
farewell content and the evening papers and. the
big cigars that make ambition virtue-.-oh fare
well 'And: oh We mortal engines, whose rude
,hroats the immortal Jove's dread clarOors coun.
.terfeit; but stop, can't bid them farewell, for
one Of them mas just arrived. Itcame ON q
:, uray. Six men carried it into the parlor and it
: -gfunted awful. 1t weighs toh, shines like a
mirror, and has carved Cupids climbing up its
limbs. And such lungs whew! Iy wife has
commenced 10 practice. and the first time she
touched the. machine, Thought we were in the
midst of thunder storm, and tho lightning had
struck The crackeSy chests: The cat, with tail
erect, took beo limo for. r particular friend up
on. the. back fence Ienolshing a six shilling
panc of glass The baby awoke,. the little fel.
low tried his best to beat the instrument bnt he
didn't do it: It.beat him. A teacher has been
introduced into The house. He says he Is the
:. last of Napoieon's grand army. He wears 4
huge moustache, looks at ME ficrcey, smells of
garlic, und goes by the name of Count Run.
away -and-never- bach: again-by. He played an
extract de opera the other night. lie ran his
fingers thro his hair twice, then grnned, then he
cooked his eyes up at the ceiling, like monkey
hunting flies, theirdown came one of his fingers
and / heard . delightful sound similar TO that
: produced by a cock-roach dancing npon the te-
nor string of fiddle. Down came anothe fin
ger, and was reminded of the wind whistling
through knot hole in q hen coop. He touched
his:thumb and ! thought was in an orchard
listening 10 the distant braying OF a jackass. ::
Now he ran his fingers along thc keys and
fbohght Of a boy rattlingg stick upon picket
fence. AL of & sudden he stopped and l thought
.;a,hurrieane had happened. Then down. came
both fists, and oh Lord such a noise was !never
heard before. ! thought hurricane had struck
the house and the walls were caring in.-Ei imag-
ined was the celhr, land u ion of ceaa was
;. falling upon my head. thought the machine
= had -burst-when theipfernai noise stopped ard
/, heard my Wife- calculate" EXqusile!,' q What
aeuce is, the: matter?" The answer was
Why, dear that's La. SomnaInhi h =, --1rD-n
Son!nambula! thought I; and the Count: rolled
up his sheet Of paper. He :cals it music, but
for The life of me can't make it look like any
thing else than Il .rlii fence with lot of juve-
nile fingers climbing over it. Before that inslru
ment Of torture came into the house, could en-
10y uyself. blt now every darneI woman in the
igfbarhood must be, invited 10: heur the new
piano and every time the blasted thing shrigks
:oht like q locomotive with. the bronchitis, have
: to praise its tone. and when the invited guests
are playing have:to sly" exquisite" "dglight-
,fpi p" heavenly J" and all suot Trash, while at
=: the SANG time, I4;now just asnueh about music
asa blind Goldfish. d There are more ttirning
Hammers than comfort in our house aud-4and |
wish tiie Inventor Of the. piano was troubled
:with:a perpeetuif nightmare and obliged TO sleep
in one of lis instrumehts. all his iiIe. As for
myself, had rather put my. head under attn pan
and be drumuled to sleep with apair of smoothing
irons than hear 9 La Somnambula' or any other
La thumped outof piano. Scatter. pennies in
front Of my housc, and draw together al the
wandering minstrels in the .riJ--hand organs,
banjos, fiddless tambourines, rafting bones and
fish horns. Let Juvenile Monkeys crawl liz al
my windows in search Of t!lree cent tpicees-let.
me .be:awakened at mdnig.s 4ss t4lc.cry of mur.
der! ring:the fire bells and iiave devil of il time
:gsnerally-do all this, and + viii not complaia.
but Danish pxncs! Ny piano has got to GO:
am going 10 launch The iafernal machine out of
the window the first daris night, and friends
advise you 10 sleep with cotlon:in yours eyes,
or, when she esther dying grunt you'll: think
you've fallen off of bed or al;Iltcns star his gone
Ito roost upon your itousetop. For the. e.inssorna-
.tion Of Young America, will State that all ihe
pieces: of brass wire and ivory keys they are
welcome to but tie Skeleton want fora rclrig-
eratpr.