The Union and eastern journal. [volume] (Biddeford [Me.]) 1854-1858, 1856-11-07

~ ever did love woman, she would posse
+ heart undivided by even pang Of reee
Or lection or regret. Iaskod full equivaie'
l for what gave. felt that it would
ID torture to me to lavish the FRESHNESS OF
I first love on one who had before tried Il
J; mme devotion, or between whose preser
n loving word or gentle carcsscs tone, q
i echo Of the past would glide pisrcingly.
X Well, that was all past now. So near M
' I been to losing all claim upon this hom'
!. suddenly built up and pcopled BY my long
r ing fancies, that such as I might now po,
ses seemed more than would satisfy mo.
4 I had met her, this haunting vision Of m
dream, knowing oil, might have recoiied
!. and passed by on the opposite side; as
4 was, I sought for no confessions ofpast dis
affection in life. was content to assum
, that there had been such. was more thai
satisfied with what remained to me, when a
, length, she promised to be my wife, and =
give me that home, rest, and peace Tor Whicl
|, I yearned increasingly. Whatever Of light
ness or aippancy there had been in my natur'
gradually passed away. Ny life deepcned
and was made earnest by her noble compan
ionship. Iaccepted the trust ofrearing hel
child with oil fathers watchfulness and
I dccriod myself into the belief that loved
the bright little creature as she, Mary, de-
sired me to do.
The world is full Of revelations Of the
working of woman's heart. Did 1t ever
seem strange to you that 50 few men come
to the confessional?
1t is partly from the nature Of things that
I know. A woman's life Is 30 made up OF
her affections, and their expression is nat
ural gift augmented by habitually dwelling
upon every variation, and the necessity with
most of their sex Of u confdant for whom
each emotion is analyzed, each phase Of
growth or diminution recorded.
Mans life with rare exceptions, is too tur-
bulent for brooding even his own sorrows.
Few have friendships sufficiently close for
emotional sympathy after the business Of
life is fairly entered upon. Love is made a
jest, earnestness matter ofridicule. Stocks
and prices current, the failure Of the day,
the arrival or non-arrival of the steamer, the
wavering Of some political adherency-these
are our condolences, our topics Of congntu-
lation or coincidence. Thus We enjoy or
suffer, scarcely comprehending the matter
ourselves for the lack of utterance, not OF
feeling; and hence it is that when we read
of the life, trials, and triumphs of woman
"Agatha's' suspicious Of the unkindness of
her " husband" for instance, OF" Zaidee's"
suffering in her selfsacri6ce-we get but
glimpses of the tortured heart Of Agatha's
noble-minded Nathaniel, or Of Philip Wv
ian's lsnely Indian life, selfexiled not less
bavely than Zaidee, from home and kim
dred.
But I forced myself at last, to define the
unrest that crept over me when l thought
my earthly happiness was perfected. 1t was
not jealousy Of the dead for, accepting the
existence Of wrong and sorrows in her early
married life, from my chance informant, it
had since been silently confirmed in many
ways. knew that Mary's confidence in
me and her confidence in my devotion were
new and full experience to her, as fresh as
the vivid happiness which every touch agd
tone Of hers possessed the power to thrill me
with but l was jealous Of her child. /
was soon to be a father. I longcd for the
time to come with all woman's desire. and
the clinging baby-arms twined around my
neck. lpictured the time when the inno-
cent eyes would light up with recognition at
my voice, when my hand should guide the
tottcring feet to ito mothers knee, when
oh, joy II should hear " father in the
faltering uttennce Of my child's lips. Do
you think oil this unmanly, or that am
alone among my fellows in these imaginings3
Nay, am alone only in tho confession but
| promised to tell you all.
How watched the tiny white robes which
Mary fashioned, and toycd with the auttcr..
ing ribbons with which she looped them -
How wonderful seemed oil the little gather.
ing of preparation for the expected little
one! What new pride and pleasure, and
tenderness brought tears to my eyes as sat
beside my wife in the hush of twilight, and
thought of all these things!
It was at such time as this that the first
temptation to evil intrudcd. Alice came to
bid her mother goodnight in her own play
full, fondlins way. "Prctty mamma, dear
mamma, como and sing to me only little
while."
For this child she could leave my side
Here was claim stronger than my own,
earlier than mine, one that had been all
absorbing before we met, that knew. II
was this child that had awakened mother s
love, that had stolen from mine tho birth
right Of a first mother kin, who would come
between US in the solemn joy to which look
Cd forward, new to me alone. To Mary LIES
holiest emotion would only repeat itself fec
bly,.
All this camo upon mo suddenly, but
could not shake 1t Of. l could not welcome
rs before the little creatures morning kiss.
II shrank from her instiuctively when she
climbed upon my knee at nightfall and laid
her head upon my shoulder, rs she had al.
ways done. l began to think what If she
should die Of some Of those many disorder
incident to childhood, would Mary suffer
much; would it not add new rapture to