The North-Carolinian., 1856-03-01
A Quaker Jumping 4 Ditch.

ooiu HlolaSSeS, coutSh, CANA, eartienWare aud
ctothes-and all sorts of liquors. We like the
QuakerS in deed we'll as in name. And
Hezekah was Hickory Quaker He was
somewhat of an old bachelor, aud had Il sister
that was somewhat of an old maid. But she
was the best creature alive, straight as a candle
blooming as rose, and smiling as charity.
Her name Dorcas
Hezekah and Dorcas walked one Sunday
afternoon, in the blooming month of MAY to
breathe the fresh air. and view the meadows
The walking was smooth and delightful with
no manner of Instructions, except here and
there a ditch full of water, sparnelsa by a few
i hedges, and too aide for man of ordinary
capacity to cross ut single boHud.sS But Hez-
ess, saitred himself, Fat fsce,lts cenn.o.siy
do, on his agility, and instead OF walking IL few
rods for the sake of bridge, he must needs
leap every ditch he came to-
'Theed better not try that, II ezekiah," said
| the kind and considerate sister
Never thee mind Dorcas,' replied Hezekial
'there's no danger; Eve jnmped a bigger ditch
when wasn't half my present size"
a II that's very likely, but recolIect thee's
grown exceedingly pussy since thee young
man"
Pussy. well, if have that's no reason why
/ shouldn't be as agile before; tell thee,
Dorcas can jump this ditch without much
us touching a finger"
AYE, but thce'l touch thy feet to the
bottom"
| ''Thee's but woman Dorcas, and thy fears
magnify this ditch even to a river.-Now stand
thee aside that | may have sweep according
| to my abilities"
Nay. brother Hezekiah, thee'd better not
The ditch is wide and the bottom muddy, and
thee'l assnredly spoil thy Sunday clothes if
worse"
cob, fudge for your fears girl; they shall
not stay me Jot. Nay, do not hold me, | am
resolved 10 jump tLs ditch if it were merely to
convince thee of my agility"
Accordingly Hezekiah went back few yards
in order that he hight have fair run and that
the impulse thereof might carry him over.
Having retraced far enough ne came forward
with momentum prorortoned to his weight
and velocity-and found himself in the ditch.
The water splashed around on all sides and
splOttcd the Sunday clothes of Dorcas, who
could not with all her Quaker sobrety and
kind feeling help bursting into loud laugh
There was 1Iezekiah showing his agility and
1ounderng in the mud like a whale! The
waite, was not SO deep to hc dangerous, and
the scene too irrcsistibly comic for even saint
to abstain from laughing, though on the Lords
day.
At length when her risibilty wonld allow
power afslSeec, Dort~-s kindly held out her
hand and said: "Come hithcr Hezekiall, and
III help thee ont.
''Well. well, said the founderer III tone of
vexation," thee does WE'LL Dorcas to stand
there and laugh at meas though it were mere
sport to see me stick in the mud and water up |
to my very middlei"
Nay, nay, Hezekiah, thee has shown thy
agility marveously that | could not help |
being pleased for the life of me-and now |
take shame to myself for opposing thee so
strenuously; or having doubted thy capacity
for Jumping But if thee's satisfied with thy
exploit and ready to come forth, | will lend
thee a hand to help thee out"
Thus saying, Dorcas drew near the ditch
but Hezekiah, having got himself liz by his
unaided power, declared he would get himself
out in the same way But the mud was deep
and adhesive and as he got one foot out he
got the other in and thus he continued to
labor and plunge till he satisfied that his
own ability was better calculated to help him in
than to help him out of the ditch! He grew
wroth, and so far forgot the plain language
that he exclaimed:
.'By-!'
'Don't thee swear, brother Hezekiah," in
terrnpted Dorcas
''Swear!' roared Hezekiah, "thee'd swear if
thee was in here!"
''Swear at all, Hezekial, but even lend
me thine hand, and I'll use my ability to pull
thee out, according to the Scripture, which
sayeth-If thine own or thine ass fall into a
ditch on the Sabbath day
Now, sister Dorcas, thee is too bad Verify |
thee should not make me heaTy as the |
former animal, nor stupid the latter"
AS TO thy weight, returned DOrcaS, lnce
must be pretty well satisfied by this time; and
as for thy stupidity it were indeed unslsterIy
to like thee to the long cared animal. But if
thee is satisfied on these points, and Will forth
with reach me thine hand, III do as much as in
me lieth to bring thee safe to land"
Uezekiah was pretty well convinced by this
time. that his own ability would never fetch him
ont; wherefore, humby reaching his hand to
Dorcas he said, verify, sister | will accept
thine aid, nasnuch my own ability hath
deceived me-"
Dorcas kindly lent her assistance, and pulling
Hezekiah at length came to land.
Shaking off the mud and water like spaniel,
he returned home but charged his sister by the
way never to mention how he came by the
ltastrophe. Dorcas promised OF course and as
she was a girl of truth and kind feelings, she
was as good as her word. But once twice
when they were in company with several other
Ouake-s dscoursng soberly about matters and
things Dorcas, looking archly at another girl,
merely said, Did | ever tell the Rachael, how
brother IIezekah one Sunday"
Hezekiah turned embarrassing and implor-
inc look toward her, and she said:
Nay nay, Hezekiah, I'm not going to tell
but merely to ask if | ever had told how thee
showed thy agility one Sunday, and jumped in
the middle Of ditch!'
BARxUM AND THE JEROME CoMPANY-ResuH
cf the New Horen Neting.-The meeting of
the creditors of the jerome Company and of
P L. Barnum, at New Haven, Monday
night last resulted in a recommendation to the |