The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1856-02-21

M'So, saiu W young ituy il Tic
room, "can you inform me what that out
landsh thing is?"
"Tha'," she answered, blushing, "is a
shimmyset."
She didn't think 7 heard her, when she
mutteted in low tone, "I'll bet my old
shoes that man isn't married"
; A queer name, truly-that "shimmysct''
should think shmmy-rest or hang would
he good deal more proper.
Ten o'clock, us | live; and church will
commence in half an hour. How can ever
get ready? shall have to wear the shirt
as it is. AS good luck would have it, the
bosom isn't wet, and us that S the only part
shown, it won't make "tlif Of difference"
A great practice-that Of quitting the best
on the outside" Bosoms are no exception
-and who can tell how many bosoms-
bosoms white as the driven snow-Ctisn't
every one has good wash. woman) bosoms
that rise and swell like the heaving Of the
ocean, Tor speU clerk and cause real bo-
SONS to swell dtto-arc, when you search
below, .f"isc as my wig, and fastened to the
body by false strings? Thank my stars, I
| never wore a false bosom, and l never will
Well, at last have got to clurcl-but
with heart in which "angry passions RISE
and in a state of mind very unfit for that
holy place. Somehow the chime of the old
bell don't sound as sweet rs it is won't and
the singing of the choir, though always
beautiful heretofore, seems but a hollow
mockcry. All, when the heart is not right.
how vain the hope Of deriving pleasure from
religion, or indeed anything else.
What a cracked voice the minister has
got! | declare, it reminds nc of the bro
ken wash bowl. All, there's Miss Susan
Gabb!c Susan is a sensible sort Of Il wo-
man-ralhcr old-Lut then she's not one
of the sort that "ncver grows old" There's
a great deal Of comfort in Knowing that
though a person may change outwardly,
! there's something lasting within, that defcs
even the ravagcs OF time. And in the hour
of death. it must he sweet to know that
You can leave hrind you name that can
"ncvcr grow old"
Susan doesn't belong to this cass-very
few 80. Let me sce-I've about come to
:llc conclusion that want wife-if don't
marry, I'm afraid my name will grow old
the day after lin dcad-inasmucll as am
the las, of "my noble family" the last of
three brothers all bachelors to the last,
This is one very serious Objection to single
hlcsscdncss-a fellows name is apt to die
away; and on that account should advise
no one to he a bachclor-if they cum help it,
1t wouldn't work well in the long run;
were the world-thc masculine portion
one vast society of " Shakers" or bachelors,
it would be Il world Of hypocritcs, and the
human family would of course die away.
Speaking Of Shakers, believe, had been
Shaker in my youth, should have been
married long ere this. Mankind is averse
to being fet,crcd. womankind ditto; chain
them down to rules and rcguations-make
them go to church six times every Sunday
forbid intercourse between the sexes,
while young, and they're mighty apt to
kick in the traces, and ovcrsct the fondcst
wishes of their mistaken guardians.
believe I'll see Miss Susan Cable home
after meeting.
That's an awful long -winded minister.
| I've a great notion to throw my boot at
him. do hate long sermons I'm great
lover of the "slIort and sweet" doctrine,
and believe that even link of pleasure
can be too "long drawn out"
At last services are ended. The last
psalm is sung, the last prayer is offered, the
bcncdiction - there goes Susan. "Now
comes the tug of war;
"Miss Gabblc-Mi>s Susan Gabble-al-
allow me, my dear madame on account of
the similtulc Of our ages-to-to-have
the supreme felicity
Why, what a look! guess she never
spoke to a gentleman before.
"Our ages, indeed! Id have you to
know, sir, that I'm not so old as 10 be OBJ
liged to wear false hair, and false set of
teeth, and"-
~ don't wear false bosom, plague take
you nor yet cotton BOSOM"
"Home, sweet home," says Payne-and
thus says Phumble. How dear to my
heart is bachelors hall, after the exhibition
/ have just had Of woman's lack Of sense !
Susan Gabble too old for me just as if l
didn't 'went courtin' of her many and
many's the night-fiSe and twenty years
ago; Ito my shame tell iD-just as If
she wasn't proud of me, and would have
become Mrs. Phumble for the asking; and
just as if she was as young now as she
was five and twenty years ago. Oh, Susan
Susan Cable; too well have you learned