Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1855-10-20
TIE noRRoMEp GALE.

An unfortunate biped out West, rejoicing in
the coenomen of Sugar thus gives his expe-
rience in cour,ing:
The only objection ever made TO me in this
ere country, as legislator, was made by the
wimmin, cause ] war 4 bachelor, and I never
told you afore why remained in state Of num-
ber one. No felIer stays single premeditaied,
and in course hansum teller like me, who all
the gals declar 10 be as enticin as a jaybird,
wasn't goin to stay alone if he could help it.
did see a creatur once, named SOfy Mason, up
the Cumberland, nigh unto Nashville, Tennes-
see, that took an orful hankerin' arter, and
set into lookn' anxious for mairinony, and
gin to GO regular to meetn', and tuck to dress
in tremengeous fniGed, jest to see IL could
win her good opinion. She did git to look at
me kind o. shy. jes, as a hoss does at sumthin'
he's scared at, when, srier champin at dis
tance for a while sldded up to her and blur
ted out few words about the sarmin. She
says yes but cuss me il know whether that
war The right answer or not, and I'm ihinkin'
she didn't know, nurther
Well, we laried and talked leetle all the
way going to her daddy's and thar gave her
the best bend ! had in me, and raised my bran
new hat as peert and polite as a minister, look
in all the time so eniicin' that sot the gal
tremblin'. Her old daddy had a powerful nu-
merous lot Of healthy niggers, and lived right
jinn' my place, while on the other side lived
Jake Simmons, sneakin', cute vaTmint, who
war wusser than miser for stnginess, and no
sooner did this cussed sarpint sec me sidin up
to Sofy, then he wen, to slickin up, too, and
sot himself to work TO cut me oui. That ar
wur struggle ekl 10 the battle Of Orleans
Furst sum new fix up o Jake's would take her
eye, and then I'd sport sum thin that would
ouishine him, until at last Jake gin 10 tryin to
out dress me, and sot thinking Of sumihin else.
Our farms were jes, the same number Of acres,
aud we both owned three niggers apiece Jake
knew that Sofy and her dad kept a sharp look
out for the main chance, so he thor't he'd clar
me out by buyin another niggar; but follored
suit, and bought one the day afier be got his,
so he had no advantage thar.
He then got COW, and so did ], and just
about then both our pusses gin out This pni
Jake 10 his wits end, and war wundefin'
what in the yearth he would Try next. We
stood so, high and thigh for about two weeks,
both of us talkn' sweet to Sofy, whenever we
could eetiher alone. ! thon seed that Jake,
the sneakin' cuss, war gettin' smile ahead Of
me, cause his tongue was so iley however,
didn't let on but kept top eye on him. One
Sunday mornin / war a little late TO meeln'
and when got thar the fust thing see was
Jake siuin' close bang up to Sofy, in the same
pew with her daddy billed awhile with wrath
and then turned sour. could taste myself
Thar they war, singin' hymns out'n the same
book. Jeheminy, fellers, war so enormous
mad that the new silk handkerchief around my
neck lost its color. Arter meeiin' war out
they walked linked arms, smilin' and lookin'
as pleased as young couple at their first chris
ionin' and Soiy turned her cold shoulder to
me SO orful, thai wlied down and gin right
up siraight-Jake had her; thar war no dis
putin in il. headed il towards home, with
my hands so fur in my trousers pockets as
could put EN-, swearin all the way ihat she
wur the last one that would ever get chance
TO rile up my feelins.
Passin' by Jake's plantation, looked over
the fence and thar stood an explanation of the
matter, right facin' the road, whar every one