davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

10 An old topper who lately attended
an exhibition where a learned professor
caused several explosions to take place
from gasses produced from water, said
"You don't catch me putting much water
in my liquor after this; had no idea be-
fore that water was SO dangerous, though
I never liked to take much of IT.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

g@The editor of a country newspaper
thus takes leave of his readers
'The sheriff is waiting for us in the
next room, so we have no time to be pa
thetic, Maj. Nab'em says we are wanted
and must go. Delinquent subscribers, you
have much TO answer for. Heaven may
forgive you, but Incver can"
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29
g@An Indian had gone to ALBANY

one cold winters day, got very drunk
On his way home, he become completely
overcome, lay down, and was frozen to
death. His tribe was at that time much
disposed to initiate the habits Of white men,
and accordingly held an inquest over the
dead body. After long powwow, they
finally agreed to the verdict that the de-
ceased came to his death ''by mixing too
much water in his whiskey, which had fro
zen in him and had killed him.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

SIT is disagreeable fix to be pla-
ced III, when you essay bow to fair
friend, on the opposite side Of the way, TO
have an omnibus obtrude itself just in the
season for your bowto take effect directly
in the middle Of the crowd Of passengers
inside, half of whom bow to you in return,
and the other half stare in puzzled at
tempt to recall who you are
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

rgFlogging schoolboys may make
them smart, but then it is in the wrong
place. If a boy has intellect, he will get
along without the cane. If on the con-
trary, he is dull and stupid, pelting him
over the head will make him not so ambi-
tious TO overcome algebra as to overcome
the schoolmaster. Believers in rattan will
please notice.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

JMayor Paris. of Portland, says he
shall enforce the Maine law TO its extent,
SO those abroad opposed to the law who
expected all trouble would be cured by the
application of the plaster Of Paris. viii
find themselves stuck q.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

A GRAVE JoKE.-A western editor
enumerates long list of annoyances and
grievances, and winds up as follows,-
81 was vexed too, at painter who had
been paid in advance 10 pdint me a sign;
but he must go sailing in the Bay on
Sunday and get drowned-just like as not
on my money-anyhow, he died and made
no sign"
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

"Why. Captain, this must be exciting

"Why, Captain, this must be exciting
business.
His eyes flashed fire as he replied:
ats splendid. 1t makes man Jump
to think of it. To be cutting away at the
rate of eleven knots an hour, with a ship
in chase, and walking right away from
herr
That instant we saw in the prisoner the
rover of the seas, again standing Oh his
deck, with the huge hull Of a ship of war
looming above the horizon.
"But how did you get caught at last!'
s'The mate betrayed me. Inever liked
the man. He had no heart. You see it
takes man of particular constauttonto
engage in our business. When once At
sea with a slave cargo we are in free bot.
toms. We belong to no country. We are
under the protection of no law. We must
defend ourselves. A man must have a
great deal Of nerve in such situation,
when he is liable to be chased by ships of
war, or perhaps finds himself in the midst
OF whole feet. The mate once served
me a trick for which I Should have been
perfectly justifable in shooting him dead.
We were running in between the Islands
| Martinique and Dominique, when suddenly
there shot out from behind the land an Eng
lish steamer. The mate thought it was a
ship of war, and so did I. He was frigh-
tened to death, and Instantly turned the yes
sci off her course. That was the very
movement to bring down the enemy in
chase. I saw the danger and few to the
helm, and put her back agam, and we
passed by in safety
''But are you not tired Of this busi-
ness?"
"IVhy, | didn't want to go out the last
voyage. Itried to get another Captain TO
take charge of my ship. WANTED to stay
at home and get married. But good naen
| an our business are scarce. And had to
CO."
But the noble Captain seemed ambi-
| tious of higher career. s.What Ishould
like best of all,'' said he, 'swould be, to GO
priUateering. To command merchant
ship, and go numbering along, loaded down
with freight-that cannot bear. 1t kills
me. But give me well built clipper,
with six guns on side, and long Tom
| in the middle, and letter of marquc to
range the ocean, and I wouldn't call the
President my brother"
Such was the substance of Captain
Smiths story. We allowed him 10 run on
with his exploits to see what stuff a SLAYER
was made of. Was there ever more per-
verted nature? Here is man whose
boasts is in the gigantic character and the
success Of his villainies. His courage is
to show his power over the weak and de-
fenceless; to crowd hundreds Of human be-
ings into close hold, where one hundred
and fifty die in a few weeks; and his great
est exultation to have deied the laws of
the whole civilised world. But the most
important reflection is on the weakness and
negligence which permits this traffic to 60
on unchecked. .New York. The chief port
an The acorld for the slaue trade! Thirty
five slavers year sailing down cur BAY
If so, why are not these vessels searched
and seized2 On whom rests the blame?
Do officers OF the Government connive at
the traffic2 Or are they so blind as not to
see what masses under their eyes? Or are
they too weak or too indolent to enforce
their country's justice2
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

E@The grave and altar of Pope Al
exander, the martyr, have been discovered
at Rome. Richly mounted pillars and in
scribed marble slabs of the fourth century
have been found, in which the pious feel
great interest.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

* When you see a gentleman. at
midnight, sitting on the stoop in frent Of
his house, cornbing his hair with the door.
scraper, you may conclude that he has been
out at an evening party.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

The editor of the United States
Review, monthly, published at Syracuse,
n. Y, sayshe belongs to no party and is
free from all "isms," rheauInat isa excep-
ted
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

TWELVE AT BrnTH.-A country edi-
tor, in speaking of a steamboat, says,
'Sbe has twelve berths In her ladies'
cabin"
"Oh, life Of me2" exclaimed an old lady
onreading the above, "what s4ualling there
must have BEEN"
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

B9 An old bachelor, on seeing the
words Families Supplied" over tie door
of an oyster Saloon, stopped in, and said
he would take wife and two children.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

An absconded detior is advertised
by Mr.. Mater. as having sioped. This
isone case, we suppose, in which the ''debt
of ndfer" will never be paid.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

Take the hand of the friendIess-
smile on the sad and dejected-sympathize
with those in trouble-striye everywhere
to difTnse around you JOY and sunshine
do this, and you are sure of being loved.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29
eYThev have fancy names for nc

They have fancy names cor news
papers ont in Keoikul,. The three papers
published there are called respectively
The Gate City, The Morning Glory, =
and aThe Keokuk Nip-and- Tuck I'M
aginative people.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29
~A poor woman "a New York elf

a poor woman IN New York city
complains that after promising to make
half dozen shirts for FIVE cents piece,
she was compelled to find iler own thread.
Are the shirt-dealers in New York men or
monsterss
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

gD 1T is humorously said that there
ought to be plenty of women in the Allied
camp, for each night the Russians come cut
with fresh "Sally,"
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

s@A merchant, not very familiar with
geography, on hearing that one OF his yes
sells was in jeopardy, exclaimed:
Jeopardy! jeopardy. why, where is
thatz'
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29

Why was the capture Of the city Of
Mexico like the novel sIvaniloeav
Because il was Scott bsst work.
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29
your afectionate

After having written these lines, the
young lover gave the note and the package
to servant; bat finding that pair of his
pantaloons required mending, he profitted
by the occasion to send them TO his tailor
who dwelt III a street which led TO the
house Of his betrothed in Bush Lane. The
reader suspects already perhaps the fatal
mistake of the servant.
The unfortunate man left the elegant
robe of satin with MIR. Thompson, the tall
or, and the note with the old trorn pants
at the house of the young lady! Her in
dignation was at the height at this new af-
front of her lover, and when he presented
himself at her house the door was shut in
his face. His explanations his apologies,
his tears and his prayers were unavailing
and repulscd with disdain. The marriage
will not take place. The young lady could
not be brought to reverse her resolution,
and it is said from that day she has cher
ished an implacable hatred of the sex that
"irears the breeches."
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29
.The Squattcr Sovereign,
IS PUBLISHED EVERY TUESDAY
MORNING BY
r. srRIxGFELLow & R. g. KELLEY.

Publication Office, an Squatter Sorercign
BaRding, No. 8. .4tchison Street.
lass Two dollars per annum, invariably
g.. .irancc Single copies cents, twelve cop
for fifty cents.
+, CrUBs:-Five copies will be sent to one
,l,sss for 50. Ten to one address for SlI--
loair l,5I2 to to one address for s32 Forty to one
,ienss rlsS for $50. Crys Invariably IN ADVANCE.
- Money may be sent by mail, at the risk
o - y, postmasters are requested to act as our
s A.autS
Squatter sovereign., 1855-05-29
Preventing a Wedding. Or the Fated
Pantaloons.

An old gentleman of London, merchant
In Bush Lane, had an only daughter en-
dowed with great mental and physical
charms, and possessing every faculty cal
culated to please and delight. She had
besides fine dowry. She was attached
and engaged to a young man in her own
rank, as well situated as herself with the
world and worthy in all respects of her
love and the happiness he promised him
self. The preliminary arrangements were
made. and after having been postponed two
or three times, the marriage was positive
ly fixed for Thursday 18th April, IS.
The proceeding Monday the young gen.
tleman who ought to have received 910,0 900
sterling as dowry on the day of his mar
riage, and 10000 after the death of his
father-in law who was far advanced in
life, had with his beautiful betrothed one
of those little scenes of jealousy which
happen to all lovers, even those the most
enamored of each other.
1t was little party. The young lady
! thought her lover too attentive to one Of her
friends who had the finest eyes in the
world and resplendent tresses of auburn
| hair, beautiful enough to make a man dis
ttracted. To the reproaches which were
made to him the young gentleman replied
with some little asperity, and vcntured
some quick remarks upon certain cousin
whose superb waiscoat had attracted gen.
eral admiration and which they said had
been embroidered by the pretty hands of
the beautiful heiress. He added even, the
young and the inpudent, that it would be
| quite too late for him to be master when
he should be married, and that she "uore
The breeches" rather too soon! After sup
per, the two lovers grew cooler and cooler
to each other In spite of iced Champagne
and Roman Punch so much so that they
parted in piquc. The next morning, our
young man felt great regret at his conduct
| on the previous evening, which then ap-
peared TO him to have been wicked and un-
just. He repented Of it, and wishing to
make the amende honorable, he envclopcd
with great care magnificent dress of sa-
tin which he had some days before ordered
for his betrothed,, and sent it to her with
the following note:
My dear--I have not been able to
close my eyes all night for thinking OF the
ridiculous misunderstanding of last even
ing. Forgive me, I beg of you, and as a
pledge Of your pardon, deignto accept the
garment send you, and wear it, from
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-06-21
Cause of GREY Hair.


Mr.. S. NJ. Sanders, colored hair-dresser,
Of Pittsburg, Pa, has written little Treatise
on the Diseases Of the Human Scalp and Hair,
from which we take the following extract -
" Grey hair is caused by disease or putro-
faction of the circulating fluids which nourish
the hair through the pores. When this fluid
or matter is exhaled 10 the surface, being dis
eased, it emits its rirts, or poison, into the
hair, and the consequence is that the hair turns
white, or falls out from the scalp. The hair,
then becomes very thin upon the head and
badness ensues. Many are the causes of this
putrefaction Of the circulating fuids-sueh a.
long g-continued illness, excessive fevers, ner-
vous arrangement, causing continual pain in
the head; grief, anxiety, intense thinking, too
close attention TO business--last, and not least,
intemperance. and other unmeniionable ex-
cesses, which are more deleterious to the con-
stituiion and general health of the system
Grey hairs, in young persons, generally COM
mence at the point or outer end OF the hair
and the reason for this singular freak is, that
the disease from the pores Of the scalp runs
through the hair towards the point, and u2Oa
finding the point cles-d, on account Of negli
gence on the part of the person in not having
the hair cut in proper time, 50 as to keep it 10
healthy condition, the virus in the hair, from
the pores, turns it white at the point, and IL
works gradually back to the so-called root
of the hair, and the whole hair soon becomes
white. To obviate this,-so soon as observed,
the person or person. should apply to skil-
ful hair-cutter, and have the ends Of the hair
cur off in scientific manner. In persons adj
vanced in years, the hair begins to become
white at the so-called rsots, instead Of the
points, az in the former case.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-06-21
A New Machine.

Last week our Ward was honored by the
presence Of large number of scientific men
to witness the trial of a machine just invented
by Thomas Blanchard, Esq, for beading ship
timber. The trial took place at Lorine's
machine shop, First street, where the machine
was built, the castings coming from Alger's
Foundry, and the patterns being made by Eb-
enezer Tilton, the well-known pattern maker.
Tho scarcity Of, and difficulty of obtaining
knees and futtocks for our shipbuiders, has
greatly retarded their operations. The ma
chine mentioned above is intended to supply
all that may be needed at a very triiing cost.
1t is quite large and very powerful in its
operations. At o'clock straight stick OF
white oak timber, III 1-2 feet long and Is
inches square, after being steamed, was placed
in the machine. 1t was securely confined on
the one side by chain web, on the other BY a
plate of iron. BY steam power an end pres
sure was applied, and in ten and one-half min
utes the stick was forced through a circular
mould, and bent so that the end. were at right
angles with each other. The operation was
almost noiseless, although the strain was so
great that the chain web was intensely heated.
An examination of the timber bent showed no
signs of breaking, but the length of the stick
on the inside of he curve was shortened more
than foot, and accurate measurement showed
that by the force of tho machine, the fibres of
the wood had been forced together and into
each other, so that body of wood equal to
fourteen inches of the length of the stick had
disappeared. And this, too, without weaken
ing the timber in the least but greatly strength
ening it. So simple is the machine that one
can hardly believe his eyes as he thus sees
the ponderous stick noiseIessly bent perma-
nently into any desired shape. The company
with one accord, expressed the highest grati-
fcation and surprise at this new triumph of
American genius.
A ship-builder present said he would will
lingly pay SIS for such knee as that bent,
although the timber before bending cost less
than SIS, and four sticks can be easily ben. in
an hour
The machine is still to be seen at Loring's
shop, and we recommend our readers to call
and examine it, and see the sticks which have
been bent. The machine reflects great credit
not only on its inventor, but also on its build
ers.-So. Bos. Gazette.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-06-21
that the woman who takes this .hipb-groy,nrd

that the woman who takes this 'high-grornd,S
is lost. Her domestic happines is sure 10 be
wrecked. A man is not necessarily ,riHet
who thinks that his wife's virtues are none the
worse for set of comely apparel. The great
cs' OF cur philosophic poets speaks Of sdeIighf
~ niue things with feelings the very reverse
ol contempt. We cannot be always on the
stilts Men are Of mixed naturs fbey
are not all good or all bad, all prea, or ali
little. It does not follow that thew are ,rc..
Pable of lofty aspirations, because thew bavs
aPpetences and inclinations TO which aus,sra
virtue may apply another epithet.
We may, perhaps, be accused Of taking (
very low view Of domestic obligations and mat.
rlmonial duties, when we say that il is one Of
wife's duties to appear attractive in the eyes
of her husband. But rightly considered, this
obligation lies at the very root Of connubial
contract. We believe that we underrste thd
case when we say that-setiing apart those
unhappy connections which are formed from
mercenary motives-;in nine cases out of ten q
man chooses wife on account of something
that In his estimation, or that at the time. Of
choosing he fancies to be, personally attractive
10 the object of his choice. It may not pc ap.
parent 10 others, but it plsases him. He mar
ries indeed for the sake OF the 'dom,s ef placehs
uror.' He does not take wouan 10 his
hearth because she is a philosopher, OF ati
arithmetician, but because in his homely Ian.
guage, there is something nice about her,
1t was, doubtless, the design OF the Almighty
in giving man helpmate that she should sat-
lsfy his natural craving after the beautiful, the
graceful and the gentle. For this was woman
formed ...r
For softness she and sweet attractive grace"
The woman who forgets this ignores one of
the great objects Of her creation. The wiie
who forgets this ignores one Of the primal con
dItions OF the connubiaI contract.-North Brit.
ish Revictc.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-06-21
vi'h,' and he held out to him a sixpence.-

WITH and he held out to him a sixpence.-
lhe boy was going without it, but he was per-
suaded to take it by the Governor's manner,
though he seemed to wish himself out of the
scrape, He joined the other boys who had
moved off on to the pier while the Governor
hailed them, any more of you 10 come ! you
am 7 all paid, hope-only three paid yet. be-
sides the porter. ! say, boys, when | come
this way again, (if ever get through paying
this time,) intend to have this trunk and
small valise with me, and want you three fel-
lows and two more of the same sort, TO be on
hand, also ; with the porter's help. we can all
contrive TO get the baggage aboard, guess,
shall have some change hope, for always
calculate to pay hard ,corking men as co.
The boys moved off withou, pretending to hear.
and (without being heard of again thereabouts
that afternoon) under pelling shower Of pro-
miscuons hits and jokes thrown after them by
the boats crew, amid the genersl laughter Of
the passengers. The Governor at las, put his
check in his pocket, and laughing with the
rest, remarked If any man can tell me ar cas-
ier way TO get so much good fun for the same
money, would like 10 have him do il, and
went aft as the crowd broke up in real hearty
merrIment.
Extracting fun out of imposition, the Gov
ernor thinks the best way 10 use such little an
noyances, for scolding and cursing always
makes every body uncomfortable, and does the
bystander more damage than the impos,er.-
The latter course reduces man down to lev
el with the annoyance, while the former, BY a
self-mastery, renders him superior to it, with
out making him feel ashamed afterwards, at
having shown so weak temper, the ridicule
of those who witness its weakuess.-Nc,c York
Euening Post.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-06-21
: BATH, THURSDAY MORNING, JUNE 81 1855.

perchancs sent by the angel Willie to the door
Of her desolate mansion. May be it was only
fancy, but the mother seemed to hear, as she
rose from beside the stranger-child, with prayer
on her lips, and her eyes raised to heaven
she seemed to hear silver toned whisper
falling like soft note of music through the
dusky air, and saving to her heart, Remem-
Der Willie Did Carlo hear it too, that he
stood quiet so suddenly, and then placed his
paws upon the breast of the little sleeping out
cast, and looked unpleadingly with his black
eyes, to the face of his mistress
Much the good coachman wondered when
his lady bade him lift orphan child tenderly,
and carry him into the hail. And much the
servants of the mansion marvelled to see the
little one, after few days, clothed in garments
like those of Willie, and gambolling with the
dog Carlo on the green sward. But the
strange child very soen became favorite in
the household, and in his gratitude and love
toward his protectors there seemed always to
enter something of a higher spirit, as if he
were indeed the medium of remembrance and
blessing from Willie, in the angel world of his
beloved mother upon earth.
And not alone the little outcast sleeper upon
the marble steps, but many poor neglected
child of the great city had cause for gratitude,
deep and abiding to the gentle mother of the
departed. Many one did she seek out and
rescue from the byways of sorrow, uplifting
their young hearts to ,houghtfuness. and their
souls nearer to the light of heaven, where
dwells in loveliness her own dear Willie, res
cued and cherished by Jesus, the lover of ba-
bes.-Ne,o York paper.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-06-21

A GRAVE JOKE. Our landlords are getting
mighty particular about their tenants as their
rents. If body has halfa-d6zea children,
and of course more need Of house than if he
had none at all. he is very coolly told that he
cannot have the premises. w rss sf
Have you children, madam enquifed one
of these sharpers, of lady in modest black,
who was booking at one of his houses Just fin
ished and in perfect order
Yes,' said the gentle mother, Il have rev.
en-, sir, but they are all in the ehurchyard.'--
A sigh and the dew Of tear gave imPressive-
ness to ihe painful remark, and without parlsy
the bargain was closed. Her little flock were
waiting for her in the chufehyard around the
corner, and were delighted to hear that sna
had found snug house so speedily Inc
landlord says he shall never trust woman IN
black, after this.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-06-21

give him one more trial, as he may no, be !,
fault. There are a multitude of bad timer.
and but few good ones, therefore care is reoui-
site in making selection. The criterion i.
that no good tuner. ever lacks employment for
an hour. Briefly then, to sum up these some
what crude remarks, when you buy, get a
good piano, not cheap one, "a bargain =
Have it regularly tuned and kept in order
keep 1t closed when not in use, and do not
hammer on it when you play or practice, and
you will be agreeably surprised to find your
piano in good order, when otherwise it would
have been nearly worn out.-N Y. Tribune.