Butte record. (Bidwell, Butte County, Cal.) 1853-1858, 1855-03-17

vi 0"hiaS' " uiSu VI ooei \Duil DoSSe
asserts that it was the fossil remains OF
an omnibus horse;) it was not molested;
at dinner, it made its appearance again;
still it was not disturbed at tea, frag-
ments of it were visible, but it yet re-
NAMED untouched in the morning, a
tempting looking stew made its appear
ance, but alas, it was only weak inven-
ton of the enemy to conceal the ubiqui-
tous beef; at dinner, a meat-pie en-
shrined a portion of the aforesaid beef !;
it went away unharmcd For week,
every day, at every meal, in every sub
tie form, in some ingenious disguise, still
was forced upon our notice this omni-
present beef; it went through more
changes than Harlequin in the Panto-
mine, and, like that nimble individual,
came always out uninjured
At the end of the second day, Bul
Dogge grumbed, to himself; the third,
he spoke out " in meeting;;" the fourth,
he d>-mned audibly the fifth, he had an
hours swear to himself in his own room
the sixth, seventh, and eighth, he pre-
served a dignifed silence; but his 81
lence was ominous on the ninth dav we
both left.
Our next landlady had a gigantic
mouth, but her nose was a magnificent
failure. We staid with her week, and
left because she seemed to be possessed
of the idea that one sausage was enough
for two men. For month longer, we
ran the gauntlet of all the model board.
ing houses. We were entrapped by all
kinds of aIluring promises, and perpetu.
ally swlndlod, without any regard TO de-
cency we had taste of Yankee, Dutch,
French, and, | have mentioned it before,
Eye gods y Irish and we lived four
days in an establishment presided over
by a red-eyed darkey, with wife the
color of new saddle. AT last, one day
in an agony of despair. l exclaimed,
"Where, o where, can humbugged hu-
manity find decent place to feed ?"
Echo answered, ''In the eating houses"
We resolved to try it, and the result is
glorious. We have achieved victory,
sir-an heroic, unexpected victory.
And now, farewell, all scrawny land
ladies, ye snufy beldames, with your
wooden smiles; farewell, ye viviparous
bedsteads, ye emaciated feather-beds,
attenuated holsters long adieu to
scant blankets, and mattresses stuffed
with shavings; farewell to hrsute butter,
and to ancient bread; good bye, l say
it with tear, ye immortal, everlasting
beef; farewell to sloppy coffee, and to
azure milk, (Damphool says not yet y
farewell, ye artedeluvian pies, and you
lilliputian puddings; farewell, you two
inch napkins, and ye holy table cloths
farewell, We empty CRATES, and rusty
coal-scuttles adieu, ye cracked mirrors,
which make man look like drunken
satyr farewell, ye respectable chairs,
with dislocated limbs adieu, ye frac.
tured tea-cups, yc broken forks, and
knives with hands aw edges farewell, in
fact, all ye lodging houses, where you
can't have latchkey, and where you
can tell when they get new hired girl
by the color of the hairs in the biscuit
| noticed this last remarkable fact,
long time since
Give us joy, for we have found place
where things are done up right, where
we can choose our own viands, where
the beef is positively tender, where
there ore no little red ants in the sugar,
where the potatoes are not waxy, and
where, if anything goes wrong, we can
initiate the waiter.
In fact, we are suited ); If anything
runs short, ''John gets particular tfts,"
and 'nuthin shorter )" where we can
eat aohen we please, and call for arhat we
please where cha,ges are moderate, and
it is permitted to d-mn the waiter for
nothing. And here. in this elysian spot,
have Bull Dogge and l taken our daily
bread, (beans and butter included, for
the past month, "without fear and with
out reproach."
As our poetical friend, Thomas Plus,
has remarked,
'Joy joy, our task is done,
Our trials are past and our Restaurant is SOME"
OK. PHILANDER DoEsTIcKs, P. B.
P. S. Damphool says my concluding