Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1855-02-14
noEsTICKs LOOKS FOR A BOARDING HOUSE

oOEsTICKs LOOKS FOR AB0ARDING HOUSE.
Having become to certain extent fixture
in this high old town, it became necessary TO
search out a fit habitation, wherein might
eat. sleep. change my shirt, [Damphool blush
esq and attend to the other comforts Of the
external home and the inner individual.
Ny friend Bull Dogge having deserted his
latter place of residence, con account OF the
= perpetual reign of salt mackerel at the break
fast table, we started together ON voyage OF
discovery. To describe all the dilapidated
gentlewomen whbSe apartments were inspect
ed-all the many inducements which were
used to persuade us to take up our quarters in
all sorts of musty smelling rooms, and TO re-
count how many promises were made TO s'caii
again. would take too much time. Suffice to
saw, that at six O'Clock in the ening,wearied
out and desperate, We cast anchor in the DOM
Gil of an Irish lady with one eye. She. assured
us that her boarders were all ssrispictable and
found their own tibaccy. and that there was
diyii bug in the place. We took adJoSing
rooms. and resignedly went down to tea
noticed that my cup had evidently sustain
ed compound, communited fracture, and
in NV tea y that the bread was scant-the but
ter powerful-the tea, son the contrary, quite
the reverse, however, although matters
looked somewhat discouraging-''h
againts hope,"-I retired TO my virtuous
sheets: horror of horrorsl o, most horr:blei!
For two hours 1 maintained sanguinary
combat with an oderiferous band cannibal in
sects-armed only with fre-shoyel, gallant
II kept unequal confiict-but the treacherous
implement broke 1T the critical moments L
thought should be compelled to yield-de-
spair filled my senses-my heart failed me-
nv brain grew dizzy with horror-hurried
thoughts Of enemies unpardoned-of duties
neglected-and Of some errors committed,
rushed across my mind-last thought of cher
ished home and absent friends Was in my
heart, and with a hasty prayer for mercy and
forgiveness was at the point of yielding,
when my frantic eyes caught sight OF my cast
iron boot tjack-with an exclamation Of pious
gratitude to heaven. Bull Dogge says 1t lid
not SQUAD 10 ain,) 1 seized it, and with the
desperate strength of dying man / renewed
thc battle, and eventually came of victorious
ard .r;.;iii p,-a.it. Weary with slaughter, fell
exhausted on the bed and slept ill morning;
Bull Doege, who had been engaged in the same
delightful occupation. appeared at the break
fast table with one eye black, and his face
spotted like a tiger. We held a council of
war, resolved instantly to quit the premises of
the Emerald Islander who had agreed to dodge
and est us, (the she-CyclopsD and who had
so nearly fulfilled the latter clause by proxy.
Another search and another home. Here for
Wee. things went on tolerably well; the steak
was capable of mastic3tion. the coffee wasn't
always weak, nor the butter always strong; but
one day there appeared at breakfast dish OF
beef, Dull Bogge asserts that was the fossil
remains of an omnibus horse) it was not mo-
lested at dinper it made its appearance again,
still it was ret disturbed; at tea fragments of
il were visible, but yet it remained untouched;
in the morning tempting looking stew made
its appearance, but, alas! it was only weak
invention of the enemy TO conceal the ubqui-
tous beef; az dinner meat pie enshrined a
portion of the aforesaid beef it went away un-
harmed. For week, every day. at every meal,
in every subtle form, in some ingenious dis
guse, still was forced upon our notice this
onnipresent beef; it went through more chang
es than Harlequine in the pantomine, and like
that Individual, came out always uninjured.
At the end of the second day Bull Dogge
grumbled to himself; the third he spoke ssout
in meeting;'' she fourth he d-mned audibly
the fifth he had an hours swear to himself in
his own room; the sixth, seventh and eighth
he preserved dignifed silence; but his si-
lencc was onnious-on the ninth We both left.
Our next landlady had gigantic mouth, but
with her a week, and left because she seemed
to be possessed of an idea that one sausage
was enough for two men. For a month longer
we run the guantlet of all the model boarding
houses. We were entrapped by all kinds of
allurIng promises, and perpetually Swindled
without any regard TO decency; We had taste
of Yankee, French. Dutch, and 1 mentioned
it before, Eye Gods y Irish; and We lived four
days in an establishment presided over by a
red-eyed darkey, with wife the color of a
new saddle At last one day, in an agony of
despair. exclaimed, s.Where. 0, where can
humbugged humanity find decent place to
feedr' Echo answered, .sIn the eating hous-
es." We resolved TO try it, and the result IS
glorious. We have achieved victory, an he
roic. unexpected victory. And now farewell,