Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1855-12-05
BIG JAKE AND THE CHEESE.


Some years since, 1 was employed as
Wholesale clerk in large shipping house
in New Orleans. While in that capacity,
the following funny incident occurred:
One day a vessel came in, consigned
to the house, having on hand large lot
Of cheese from New York; during the
voyage some of them had become dam
aged by bilage water, (the ship having
proved leaky,) consequently the owners
refused to receive them they were, there
fore, sent by the consignees of the ship,
to be stored until the case could be ad-
justed. l discovered, a few days after
wards, that; as to perfume, they were
decidedly too fragrant to remain in the
warehouse in June, and reported the same
to my employers, from whom l received
orders TO have them overhauled, and send
all that were pnssable to Beard & CAL
houn's auction mart. then in Old C"mp
street Theatre, to be disposed Of for the
benefit Of the underwriters, and the rest
to the swamp. got a gang Of black
boys to work on them, and they stirred
'em up. "Be the bones of Moll Kcllcy's
quart mug! but the smell was Elegant
entirely" l kept at a respectable dis
lance, believe me, for strong nigger and
strong cheese on hot Jane day, just
bangs all common escence. including q
certain varmint we read about.
Presently the boys turned out an im~
menSe fellow, about three foot six "acrOss
the stump" from which the box had rot
ed OIL ; in The centre the space Of about
ten inches was decayed and appeared to
be Il e consistency Of mush, OF n BLUSH
tint, which was caused by the biIge was
ter. The boys had just set it up on its
edge on bale OIgunny bags, when no.
ticcd big darkey (then on sale) from
Charleston, s. G., who was notorious for
his bu!tiny propensitics. having given the
most Of the nj g1ers in that vicinity taste
Of his quality in that line. L had seen
him and auuther fellow the night previ-
Gus, practising; they would stand, one
ON each side of the hydrant, some ten
yards distant. and run ut each other with
their heads lowered. and cIappng their
hands on the hydrant. they would butt
like TWO veteran rams. A thought struck
me that might cure him of his Dragging
and butting. and have some sport also.
so told the boys to keep dark, and l
called Old Jake over.
They tell me that you are great
fellow for butting, Jake !"
I" rs some massa, dat's a fac-I done
butt the wool 'tirely orff OBJ old Peters
head, and massa Nicholas was gwine to
glib me goss kin jes bang de head OBJ
any niger in desc parts, myself kin!"
"Well Jake. I've got a little job in
that line for you when you havn't any
thing TO do.''
"rs on hand for them kind of jobs,
myself is"
"Well, you see that large cheese back
thcIew
~ does dat I does myself"
"Now if you can butt dint in it, you
shall have it,"
"GoIly massa you fooln' dis nigger!"
"No l am not, Jake-just try me-"
What? you glib me dc hull Of dat
cheese il butt dent in um?"
"Yes."
"De Lor I'll bus 'em wide open. I
will. myself, Jess stand back dar, you Or
leans niggers, and clear de track for Ole
Souf Carolina, case Use comm myself
Il is!'
And Old Jake started hack some twen-
ty feet, and went at it in good quick
run, and the next instant l heard a dull
heavy sound, kind of squash. and Jake's
head disappeared from sight. as he arose
from his new fashioned necklace, the soft
rotten cheese oozing down all around him
as it settled down, so that just his eyes
we're visible, from the centre Of it. Jako's
voice was scarcely audible. and half
smothered, as he vainly tried to remove
the Chaasa
10000 er de Lor mas-took um
Orf!-I-
Meanwhile was nearly dead myself.
having laid back on cotton bale, holding
myself together to keep from bursting.
while the boys stood around Old Jake
paying him off.
DE Lor how de nigger's bref smells!
You dos'nt clean your teeth, Old Jake"
say you didn't make more than
four times dat hand. did you ole hoss?"
".Well you is nasty bigger, dat's fact!"
"Well you is de biggest kline of Welsh
Rabbit, you is.''
Whar you get your har greese ?"and
thus the boys run Old Jake-now half
smothered-until I took compassion on
him. and told them to take it of. Jake
dldn't 81 stay to claim his prize, but put out
growing.
Gor nifty I! I done got sole dat time! 4!
I'se case of yeller feber-I is myself !''
VId JAKE was never known to do anv
more putting in that vicinity after that.
@ If you love your son, give him
plenty of the cudgel; it you hate him
cram him with dainties.