Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1855-11-21
SAM sLICK,s HoRsE TRADE.

SAM sLICK's HORSE TRADE.
"I shall never forget rise Ionce took
out of set Of jockies at Albany. Ihad
an everlastin' fast Naraganset PAGER once
to Slickyille. was considered proud Of
him, do assure you. for he took the rag
off the bush in great style. Well. our
stable help, Pat Monaghan. (him used
to call Mr.. Monoghan,) would stuff him
with fresh clover without me knowing it.
and as sure as rats, broke his wind in
driving him too fast. It gave him tho
'heaves, thatis. it made his tanks heave
like blacksmith's bellows. We call il
'heaves.' Britishers call it Broken wind.'
Well, there is no cure for it, though somc
folks tell you that a hornets nest cut up
fne and put in their meal will do it; and
others say sift the oats clean. and give
them juniper berries in It, will do It, or
ground ginger. or tar or what not; but
these are all quaCkeries. You can't cure
it, for its a rupture of an air-vessel, aud
you can't get at it to sew it. up. But you
can FIX it up by diet. and care and prop
er usage. SO that you can deceive even
an old hand, providin' you don't let him
ride nor drive the beast too fast.
"Well, I dootored and worked With
him, so that the most that could be per.
ceived was slight cold. nothin' 10 mind,
much less to frig ghten you. And when /
got him up to the north, advertised
him for sale, as belonging 70 person
down east, who only parted with him be-
cause he thought him too Geavey for man
who never travelled less than mile in
two minutes aud twenty seconds. Well.
he was sold at auction, and knocked
down to Rip Van Dam, an attorney gen.
eral, for Eve hundred dollars and tho
owner put saddle and bride on him, and
took bet Of two hundred dollars with
me that be could do milo in two min-
utes and fifteen seconds. He didn't know
me from Adam, personally, at tho time.
but he had heard Of mo, and bought tho
horse because it was said Sam Slick own.
ed him. atH
"Well, he started of and lost his bot:
for when he got near the winnin' place,
the horse choked. and fell and pitched
the rider off halfway 70 Troy, and near
ly died himself. The umpire handed me
the money, and dug out for the steamer,
intendin' to pull foot for home. Just %
reached the wharf, 1 heard my name
called out but didn't Let on noticed
it, and walked head. Presently Van
Dam seized me by tho shoulder; quite out
Of breath, putin and bloin' like por-
poise.
"Mr. Slick" said he.
Yes, sails L" whats left Of me bus
good gracious" sails l, "you have got
the heaves,' hope it amt catchin."
"No, havn't," said he, /" but your
cussed boss has, and nearly broke my
neck. You are like all the Connecticut
men ever zee, nasty. mean, long neck
ed, long legged. narrow. chested, Slab-si.
ded. narrow w-shouldered, lantern.jAwod,
Yankee cheat"
Well" sails I, that's a considerable
Of long name 10 write on the back of
letter, aint it 1t aint good TO use such O..
swaTd Of words, it's no wonder you have
the heaVeS but can cure you waFn't
brought up 10 wranglin' bain't time
to fight you, and besides" sails /, "you
arc broken winded but Ill beave you
over the wharf 10 cool you, boots and all.
by gravy"
that the only reason you had TO part with
that horse was, he was too heavy for \
man who never travelled slower than
mile in two minutes and twenty Sc
conds"
Never. said 1. " I never said such a
word. What will you bet did 90
!" Fifty dollars" said he.
"Done," said I. And Vanderbilt,
The was just going on board Of the steam-
er at the time )-VanderbiIt," sais /.
hold these stakes friend" Ssis l I" I
won't say you lie, but you talk uneOm~
monty like the way ] do when l lie. Now
prove it."
And he pulled ont ono Of my printed
advertisements and said:
/" Read that"
Well. read it. Il. amt there . said
l. "Ain't IT," said he. Z" leave IL TO
Vanderbilt"
:" Mr.. Slick" sails he, "you bayelOst-
it is here"
"though you have seen It. that il Is
eyes sais he, :" / wiIl." ao
"Done. q sais l. Now how do you
Ispell heavy R''
!" H.e,a,y-y," said he. a9
"Exacsly, = says ], 30 do i. But
this is spelt kenny. did it on .purpose.
! IL seorn 70 take man in about horse,
lso published his defect % all the world
liz said he was too steapsy for harness, and
leo he 8. He amt worth fifty dollars. I
vouldn't take hin as gift-he ai6't