The Westerly echo, & Pawcatuck advertiser. [volume] (Westerly, R.I.) 1854-1858, 1855-05-24
( 81 90 A YEAR,
PAYABLE IN ADVANCE.
WHOLE NUMBER PIG

SPEECH OF ZAcHARIAH SPIcER-
on the question, "which enjoys the
greatest amount OF happiness, the bach
elor or the married man ?"
Mr.. President and Gentlemen II
rise to advocate the right of the married
man, And why should not I claim
to know something about the institution.
| do. Will any gentleman pretend to
say that | do not' Let him accompany
me home. Let him accompany me
home. Let me confront him with my
wife and seventeen children, and then
let him decide.
High as the Rocky Mountains tower
above the Mississippi Valley docs the
character of the married man tower
above that of the bachelor What is
bachelor What was Adam before he
got acquainted with Eve : What but a
poor, shftless, helpless, insignificant
creature No more to be compared
with his afterself than mill-dam to the
great roaring cataract Of Niagara.
Gentlemen, there was time--I blush
to say it-when l too was q bachelor;
and a more miserable creature YOU
| would hardly expect to find. Every
day toiled hard, and at night tcame
home to my comtortless garret-no car
pet, no fire, no nothing. Everything
e was in a clutter, and in the words of the
poet
"Ccnfusion was monarch of all he surveyed
= Here lay pair of pants, there dirty
: pair of boots, there q play-bill and here
I pile of dirty clothes. What wonder
that | took refuge at the gaming table
t and bar room l found it would never
do, and in lucky moment I vowed to
reform. Scarcely had the promise left
my lips when a knock was heard at tho
door, and in came Susan Simpkins after
my dirty clothes.
" Mr.. Spicer, says she, " I've washed
for you six months and L haven't seen
the first red cent in the way of payment.
Now I'd like to know what you are
going to DO about it.'
felt in my pocket-book. There
was not penny in it, and knew it
well enough.
Miss Simpkins," says 1, "it's no
use denying it. L haven't got the pew
ter. | wish for your sake l had"
There" said she, promptly, "I
don't wash another rag for you"
"Stop," said 1. "Susan, will do
what can for you. Silver and gold
have none but if my heart and hand
will do, they are at your service" 4.
Are you in earnest Z" says she,
looking little suspicious.
Never more SO, Susan, l assure you,
says l."
" Then" says she, Z" as there seems
to be no prospect of getting my pay any
other way, guess III take up with
your offer" ..f
Enough said,' says l. We were ,
married in week and what's more,
we have not repented it. No more
attics for me, gentlemen, l live in good +,
house, and have somebody to mend my
clothes. When | was a poor miserable
bachelor, gentlemen, l used to be as
poor and thin as weasel. Now l am
as plump as a porker.
In conclusion, gentlemen, if you want
to be poor, ragged devil, without
coat to your back, or shoe to your
foot; if you want to grow old before
your time, and feel as uncomfortable,
generally, as =" hedgehog rolled UP
the wrong way" | advise to remain
bachelor; but if you want to live de-
Gently and respectfully, get married
I've got ten daughters, gentlemen, and ,
you may have your pick. l
Mr. Spicer sat down amidst long con-
tinued plaudits. The generous pro
posals with which he concluded secured
him FIVE sons law.