davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
The Three Jolly Husbands.

Three Jolly husbands out in The country, bv
the names of Tim Watson, Joe Brown, and
Bill Walker late one evening drinking at the
village tavern, until, being pretty well cnrned,
they agreed that each one, on returning home,
should do the first thing that his wife told him,
in default Of which he should pay the bill
They then separated for the night, engaging
to meet again The next morning and give an
honest account Of their proceedings at home,
so far as they related 10 the bill.
The next morning Walker and Brown were
early at their pots, hut it was some time be-
fore Watson made his appearance.
Walker began frSt
"You see when entered nv house, the can.
die was out, and the fire giving glinlmering
of light, came near walking INTO a not OF
batter that the pancakes were 10 lie made OF
in the morning. Ny wife, who was Gread-
fully out of humor, said TO me, sa!castically-
Bill, do you put your foot in The batter
Just as you say Maggy,' said |, and without
the least hesitation ! put my foot in the pot
Of batter and went to bed.
"Nexi, Joe Brown told his story:
MY vile had already retired in our usual
sleeping room, which aGjoins the kitchen,
and the door of which was qar; not being
able 10 navigate perfectly, you know ! made
deadiul clatlering among the household
furniture, and my wife, in no yey pleasant
tone, brawled OUT
"Do break the porrdge pot
mo sooner said than done. seized hold OF
the handle of the pot, and striking it against
the chimney jam, broke it IN thousand
pieces. After This exploit | retired 10 rest,
and got curtain lecture till tell asleep
1t was now Tim Watson's time to give al
account of himself which lie did with a very
long lace as follows:
My wife gave me the most unlucky com
mond in the world for was blundering up
stairs IL the dark, when she cried out
'Now, = i'm, DO break your neck
I'll be cuSSed if | TO, Kate, SAID I, gather
ing mysel(up the best way coud-Io, I'd
sooner foot The BILL
'And So, landlord continued Tim, 'heye's
the cash for you. But by jingo this is the
last time Plf ever risk FIVE dollars on the com
manu of nv wife,
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
Distinctive Traits.

A dispute arose between three noblemen,
one IRISH, one Scotch and the olhtr English, as
10 the distinctive traits of their respective
countrymen. A wager was laid that the Irish
were the wittieSt, the Scotch most cunning and
tire English most frank. They agreed to walk
out III the streets oI London, and the first one
OF either nation met should be inquired of as
10 what he would take to stand watch all night
in the tower Of ST. PauPS Church. They
soon met John Bull, whom they accosted
with D.
"What will you take 10 stand all night in
the tower Of st. PaulS ?"
HShouIdn't want to do ii short off guinea ;
frankly replied Mr.. Bull.
The next one accosted was q Scotchman.
Sardy replied with his cunning-"What
will you give me ?''
Last but not least, Patrick was inquired OF
as to what he would take 10 stand all night in
ST. Pau's tower.
To which Pat wittily answered-"An' sure
an think should take divll OF cowll"
The wager was won.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
Professor Hannibal "a Natural History.

IL Is rare "gift' TO be able 10 initiate The
language oil the negro. To do it successfully,
one must not understood the nature of the
words employed only, bu! he must IN some
degree enter into the train of thought Of the
"colored spokesman" Mr.. Julius Caesar Han.
nlbal, IN his Lectures in "Black Diamonds !"
IS an adept in negro thought and phraseolopy.
lie has caught the spirit and the manner ex-
actly; the tendency to all big words, and the
SklIl 10 select those which sound like The
originals after which they are copied, but are
IN meaning no more like them than chalk is
like cheese. In his "Giscord" about "De
Whale" professor Hannibal remarks:
al shall on dis great 'caSion smoke 10 YOU
bout de beasts and monsters Oh de deep and
as alters take de biggeS! end ob lie Joke rust
shall lecture dis eLenin' on de big cod fish,
none 'mUng de SayireS aS de whale.
ode whale, my frens, am VERY seldom
found in emmy odder place dan lie Meaterra
NM an de Specific Oshuns De whale am
'mong de fishes, what de eIemphant am 'mong
de beastesSeS-de biggest loafrr ob dem ALL
A toherman named iona, Swollered one once,
but 1t Overloaded him Stumick 10 dat degree,
dat in tree days he left HIM up agn. 1t wsS
TOO much for him.
Ode whale am de big fish de cod fish aris-
tocracy o5 de SEA, De same as de big bugs am
de nTlSiocracy oh de land, but de former hab
got de wanlage ob de latter, kase nolwilstan-
IN de whale dewoursa good deal, he produces
sumfn, but de lam COG fish ariso ocracy de-
wourS ebery ting, and produces muffin"
A good "companion- piece" to this is the
professors description of "de Elemfant," in
another of his lectures on Natural History:
''He is as big as a hay stack on four warf.
spies, wild head like -four barrel, wild a
side oh sole. .ledGer aappin' on each side oh il
an nose six feet long, a a.Squinnin' around
like The lngne rubber hose, an couple Oh
teef stick n out oh he mnuf like two barber
polesa sllckln ou, oh de basement barber Sion.
"When he walks he rolls from side 10 side
like Saoler man jiS landed an s'pect De
reason am, because his feet am berry lender,
Tor he's got cornS on all his toes. His foot
am shaped Sumfn like :he colored mans, ony
broader; but like de darkey'S de hol er oh ii
make hole in &c groun.
"When he war made, it seems to me dat
dey stood up four oh den warf.Spiles, and den
piled on all 'e meat dcy could pile on. Den
cey made graybee out oh SAN stone, grtla-
persia, brown dust, molasses an ey dog, n
poured il oil ober !e flesh, and dere left um
dry. Wen dey cum TO de lail, de stuff Glib ou!
an dey had 10 cut il short %
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
Man q Failure.

A year or two ago, when the Milleriie fanat-
iciSm was at its hight, Mr.. b, an eccentric
old gentleman, in one of our western towns,
was walking in The hall of the village inn,
listening, at the same time TO the talk of a
distinguished "diScipIe," who was prophesy-
ing the prompt luIfllment OF MIller's calcua-
,ions. Mr.. B stopped, aId in his short,
btier way, asked
EDO you really think, now, that the world
is soon coming 10 an end %
"Certalnly, do"
''Aud on the twenty fifth OF April ?"
GAS much as believe in myown existence
"Ard you really pretend TO believe that
there's 10 lie regular smash of the whole
worI in less Than lkree weeks :"
"Yes, Sir"
"Well, sir, Pm glad Of it consider this
experiment of man miserable failure and
The sooner the VIII lie thing is b.okeu up the
better %
Saying this, tie old gentleman stalked of,
mutterng imprecaions on the human race in
eeneral.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
Life as II Is.

Let US make an excursion down The street
and see whist we can learn. Yonder is the
wreck OF rich mans son. lie was permitted
to grow up without employment, went and
came when he pleased, and spent his time in
the qualification of spontaneous passions, de-
sreS and incllnations: with no one 10 check him
when his course was evil, or encourage him
IN the way TO wisdom. His falhe. was rich,
aud for that reason the son thought he had
nothing 10 DO, no part in honest labor 10 per-
form.
Well, the father died, and lhe son inherited
portion Of his abundant wealth, and never
having earned money by honest toll he lne W
not h0wto use i, SO lie gave loose reins 10 ap-
petite and passions, and ran at rapid pace
down the broad road 10 diSs ipa,on. Now be
mold hlm-a broken down man, bowed with
infrmlly, mele wreck Of what he was, both
physically and mentally. His money is gone,
and he lives on The charity OF those whose
hearts are open with pity. Such is the fate Of
hundreds and thousands tha: are born TO for.
tune.
And there, on the opposite side, in that com
Portable mansion, lives The son Of poor cob or.
Fifteen years ago he left the roof of his parents,
and went into the broad world alone TO seek
his fortune. All his treasures consisted of his
tools, good knowledge CT his trade, honest
principles, industrious habits, and twenty. FIVE
coppers. Now he is the owner Of that elegent
mansion, is doing ltriving business, possesses
an unbroken constitution and bids fair 10 live
to good old age Such is the LOT of hundreds
and thousands who neye. boaS,ed OF wealthy
psrentage.
Go into the city, and you will almost invari.
by find that the most enferprsing men are Of
poo: paren'age-men who have had 10 row
agulns; he wind and tide; while on the other
hand, majority Of these defendants of medi.
ocrlly in talents, live . short time like drones,
on the honest labor of otheIS, and then 20
down to untmeIy graves.
What lesson should this be 10 those who
are by all means, either far OF fouI, accumu-
la,ng treasures for their children.
II the rich would train up their children to
the regular habits of industry, very many of
them would !e saved from inlemperance, mis-
cry and an untimely end.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
A Short Polittiekle sermInt.

"My Brethering, will take for my text the
same which was preached onto by my brother
al BGandun, Mississippi, of which you all have
doubtless heerd "AnG he played on q harp oil
a thousand strings-speriS OF just men made
perfc."
"My brethren there is as many strings to
poitix as there is 10 Tyre-ond good many
liars 10 eeny most every string; then there aint
but one on 'em all that rings out the music OF
the union 10 which ever true patriot had oUYht
10 keep siep-ior 'he p.ayed on a haIp Of a
thousand strlngs-speuitS Of just men made
per6C.'
Fust thaTS the Know Nothin'! His name
expresses the amount Of bis information, bu t
it don't convey az idea OF his resources. He's
the most extraordinary animal in the show
he IS fur aud against variety OF topics; he's
temperance and he dGinkS-he's fur the Main
Law so pervideG lie can violate it-he'S fur
and ngelnSt fuSiOn-he'S an AbOlironiSt and
he amt an AbUllliOniS;- he's here an he's
ihar-and lie will be no whar in November
fur 'he played on harp of thousand strings
'-sperltS oil just men made perfc
Then thar'S the pOlltliCkle cobbler, gon'
round like roaring green bay jackaSs seekin'
where he may humbug somebody. He's all
the colOrs Of the Tanbowl and more change
able than the Comeia JoponnIky He is a
W hlg and Antl-Whig, and Know No'hin' and
Anti Know Nohin-fur fulrinerS and sgin
iurri1erS, fur everybody and agin everybody,
but principally a lon. headed woody headed,
raniln', ravin' niggeriSl, AbollloniSt and dis
unioniSt fur 'he played on harp Of thou.
sand strings SpeuIts OF just men made perfc.'
Then thar'S the straight out Whig-a re-
spectacle sort Of character in contrast with
the peIcedng who represents the fusoniSt.-
He don't want 10 see the Union destroyed, but
he knows he can't help il if lie runs ON his
own hook, aud that he had better run wild der
machine that's bound to be ahead and wash
the other tubs. He plays on harp of single
string, but his execution is imperfect.
Then ihar's the liberal and the genuine,
old fashioned Democrat. They don't 20 whirl.
ing round in ciTcumbendihSeS-they amt afraid
to speak right out in meetln'--they aIt afraid
OF nobody nor nothin'. They carry their
Union flag afloat--the bunting all kivered O 'er
with stars and Stripes-g orlouS and victorious;
because It's The banner Of tie Union.
'They 60 Tor personal lreedom-ior popular
lehtS-iOT justice 10 all men and al parts Of
the cOuntry-for light instead Of darkness for
open discussion instead Of midnight cubal-for
sell. government and not oligarchy; and they
90 into win, for their instrument is tuned with
poplar teein' though its made Of beech wood
and they play on harp Of a thousand
strings, and every string an honest principle
n. Y. EXCHANGE.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
A Hard Hit


"Many years ago, before the PHILADELPHIA
navy yard was enclosed by brick wall, the
children of poor families in the neghborhool
were in the habit Of procuring chips, etc,
from the workshops, for fuel. This gave op.
por'uniiy for thef'S Of copper shea ing, bolts,
and other v0luableS which determined the
commandaut, Commodore James Barron, 10
issue orders against The practice. Some days
alter The prOmuI Igation Of this order, saunter.
ing down the yard one morning, his eye fell
on an urrhn whose basket was we'll filed
with the interIicfed chips aud the little rebel,
in conscious guilt. skulked behind a large
stack Of timber, hoping he had thus escaped
official vigilance. But the Commodore De.
tecied the dodge dragged the culpr from
his concalmeEt, overturned the basket, and
twenking the nose Of his captive, ordere him
10 beat speedy retreat and never again 10
he guilty of similar tTeSpass. Taking him
self of TO safe distance, the little fellow
hailed his captOr with:
ais y, Commodore, guess that's the first
prise you ever took %
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
poftifal.
WATCH, MOTHER.

Mother watch the little feet
Climbing o'ef the garden wall,
Bounding through the busy street,
Ranging cellar, shed and hall.
Never count the moments lost.
Never mind the time it costs;
Little feet will go astray,
Guide them, mother, while ycu may.
Mother! watch the little hand
Picking berries by the way,
Making houses in the sand,
Tossing up the fragrant hay.
Never dare the question ask,
"Why to ne this weary taskl"
These same little hands may prove
Messengers of light and love.
Mother! watch the little tongue
Prattling, eloquent and wild,
What is said and what is sung,
BY the happy. joyous child.
Catch the word while yet unsopken,
Stop the vow before tits broken,
This same tongue may yet proclaim
Blessings In Savior's name,
Mother watch the little heart
Beating soft and warm for you;
Wholesome lessons now impart:
Keep, o keep that young heart true,
Extracting every weed,
Sowing good and precious seed;
Harvest rich you then may see
Ripening for eternity.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
-BeyOnd moon or star,
In the land whore the sinlrss anrnls nre

III lhe lanu where tue S!neSS angels are.
The soul must sink within for its peace; and
then no" blessed are the memories of the
summer tinef How doubly warm and glow
Ing seems every landscape, how pure every
wlnu, how svett every blossom, how inspi
rng 'be songs Of the wild, free birds. If but
Tor thS,-to leach US by contrast how to love
and enjoy the gifts Of he sunny season,-lhe
winter has lis mission; and when it does come
there should be smiles with It's tears, in lhat
Memory has preserved the exquisite enjovmen Mt
oil reUoSpecilon. For all gifts of mimi We
praise Heaven most for that which can recall
at Will The buried past and build up The future
and yet, how pure should our lives be that
there be no dark remembrance for us 10 nurse
no gloomy future 10 haunt us like a dark
presence If We could but realize how every
Wort Will sound, how every action will Seer.
when in after years they come back TO us,
how carefully tended would be every utter.
ance and passion and deed
1t is at this season of the year that such n. .
Elections force themselves u on US, and we
know 1t is we'll. Through the long Gays and
dreary nights 10 come. will be season for r+v
cry and study of self,-sedson for reviewing
and retormlng--for buryng some hopes and
building up of others and i; is not in anv
pen to say II is not well. Let there be no re
pInlng or aSsaiiing Of that Providence which
brings the seasons Of darkness as we'll as of
light, Tor down deep in the mysterious chan.
geS is great truth which is our regeneration.
Every heart will fathom that truth ic il studies
anghi; that we may all so do should be our
earnest prayer.-SanIusky Register.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
''Good Bye

II many emotions cluster around that
word How full Of sadness, and how full OF
sorrow 10 US, il undS Ii is with US, a con-
Secra,ed word. We heard it once, within the
year, Us we hope never 10 hear it again. II
was 10 the chamber of death, and the still
hour Of nights noon. The curtains TO the
windows We're all closed, the lights were all
shaded, we stood in the dim and solemn
twilight, with others around the bed ofthe dy-
ing. The camps Of death were on her pale
young brow, and GOODNESS was on her lips, as
we kissed her the last time while living.
"Good bye, my daughter" we whispered-
and Good bye, father," came family from
her dying lips. We know not if she ever
spoke more but "Good bye" was the last we
ever heard OF he! sweet voice. We hear that
sorrowftl word often and often, as we sit alone,
busy with the memories Of The past We hear
it in the silence Of the night, in The hours OF
nervous kefuineSS, as we lie upon our bed,
thinking the loved and lost 10 us. We hear
il in our dreams, when her sweet face comes
back 10 us. We hear il when We sSit beside
her grave in the cemetry where she sleeps,
alone, with no kindred as yet by ter side
She was the hope + our life' the prop TO lean
on when age Should come upon us, and life
should be running 10 its dregs. he hope a nd
the prop is gone, aud we care not how soon
we 90 down 10 sleep besides our darling, be-
meath The shadow oi the trees in the city Of
the dead Albany Register.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
The Lessons Of departing Autumn.

Now the season of emery forgetfuness'
Is gone, and the chilled waters aud ruslling
ha dead leaf, warns us that The ealth is soon
10 be green no more until the long mOn hs
VERY out lie snow aud bitter blasts, and
Apnl comes again. A few days OF lingering
sunshine will yet be dropped down upon US,
Out when they are gone what Shall the heart,
craving for birds and flowers anG earthly beau
~ feed upon 1t makes such heart ache in
It's nelIneSs, for there is nothing in lie that
can sooihe 1t like the fair things which God
10 his benefcence sends to tell US of the raw.
iShing summer glory which is
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
The Tattler.

There is no being on the hHbitabe globe
more degeneraied and more contemplate than
a taller. Vicious principles, want of honesty,
SerVlle meannesS, drSpcable insdiousness.
form his character. Has he wit? In attempt
ing 10 display it, he makes himself a fool
Has he friends BY unheSiatingIy disclosing
Their secrets, he will make them his most bit
ter enemies. By telling all he knows, he will
soon discover to the world tha! he knows but
little. Does he envy an individual His
tongue, fruitful with faSehoC deiames his
character Does he covel favor from any one?
He attempts to gain it by slandering Others
Ills approach is feared, his person hated, his
company unSought, and his sentiments de
SpiSed as emanating from a heart fruitful with
guile, leeming with iniquty loaded with envy,
hatred and revenge.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22

HAVE SOMETHING TO Do.--Occupa,ion is es-
sentiaI to happiness. The mind requires some
object on which its powers must be exercised,
aud without which it pTeys upon itself and be-
comes miserable. A person accustomed to
a life Of activity longs for this ease and rellre-
ment, and when he has accom-. .Ilished his pur-
pose finds himself wretched. The pleasure
Of relaxation is known to those only who have
regular and interesting occupation. Conlln-
ued relaxation soon becomes WEAKNESS, and,
on this ground, We may safely assert that the
greatest degree Of real enjoymens belo gs not
10 the luxurious man Of wealth, or the lislless
votary of fashion, but 10 the middle classes oi
society, who, along with the comforts of life,
have constant and important occupation.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
Poet;cal.

A very suSpect5le bachelor was passing
along the street lately, and observing a silver
lhimjle picked it up After standing a mo-
ment IN mule meditation on the probable
owner, he reverenty pressed it 10 his lip> and
sad,-
"Oh, that it was the lips Of the divine, an
gelic wearer, and the golden chords Of love
would ever encircle Our hearts as his beaui-
fuI implement of industry enclosed the fair
hand of the owner and and" here he fetch.
ed a deep sigh for bygone days, mittens, and
such like kind of things, when a voice from
an upperwadow arrested his angelic rever rie,-
"Say, bos, jis please frow dat ere fmble in
de entry /; jIS drop it !" cried hugh, ugly
fat she niger.
Shades f departed rose. buds and beauties.
He droped The instrument like hot potatoe
and beat double quick march instGnter.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
Gbe Democrat.

Il pubHshedevefY Thursday morning in he old
Masonic Hail, second story Of the brick build.
Ing west Of G. Vauausdal & Co.'S store, Main
Street, Eaton, Ohio, at the following rates:
si:6o per annum, in advance.
$500: il not paid within the year, and
$3.50 after the year has expired.
TThess rates will be rigidly enforced.
10 paper discontinued until all arrearages are
paid unless at the option Of the publisher.
pNo communication inserted, unless ac-
sompsnied BY responsible name.
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22

GF"This is very beautiful sight for per-
son with a refined beaStly taSte," said Mrs.
Psnngon at the agricultural show, looking
at Dig sheep, and addressing tall young
man by her side. He responded eyes -
''ls that hydraulic ram :" she asked, with
great simplicity, provoking a smile on the
young mans face, and loud laugh from The
Oh Siders, who were attracted by the black bon
net. The young man informed her that this
was long wooled sheep, fIom which very
long yarn was spun. "Ah - sad she, 'you
are very kind; but can you tell me if the pope
has Sent any Of his bulls over here 10 show Z"
"No," said he, smiling tremendously, "but
among the swine is a descendant Of The great
BJanergeS." Neither Mrs. Partlngton nor any
one near knew wha he meant, bat he laughed
loudly, an those outside laughed louder han
he, much TO his satisfaction. They laughed
even louder when he found swinging from lis
button beh a tag beating the inscription,
"Vermont Boy" with age and weight given,
but he didn't. And Ike was lookin so irno.
cent all the while trying 10 make the ram
sneeze by tickling his nose with straw
~~---~~~-~~~-~-~~-~~~~>~--~~~-
NPA lest is no argument and lnnd 1auphter
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22

A MODEL CLRRK. Young man--'I called to
see about the clerdShip you advertised as va
can't"
Old Gent-"Hem Have you gold watch
ani chain, fast horse, diamond ring, six
suits of clothes, bulldog. thousand cigars,
cask OF brandy, and an assortment of canes?"
Young Ian-"YeS, sir, got 'em ALL"
Old Gent -"Then you'll suit. My other
clerk furnished himself with all those out OF
The Till, so, as you're supplied. L Il save the ex-
pense"
Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22

MA Clergyman Of a country village desired
his clerk 10 give notice hat there would be no
service in the afternoon as he was going 10
"otficiale fer another clergyman The clerk,
as soon as the Sc rmon wes ended rose up " uiih
all due Solemniiy and said, elm desired 10
give notice there will be no service this after
noon, as Mr.. l.. is going fishing with nnoths
clergyman? The congregation titterd. The
cs:gyman explained