The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1855-07-14

| .N"sVWTGOVCAC6 SuOTbeas
Our neighbor, Colonel S.. tells capi
tai story Of certain wag in Erie, Penn,
Jolly publican, who contributes a good dea
to the life Of that pleasant but obstinate DO
rough. One morning, atravelling phrenolo
Slst arrived at his inn, and took lodgings
The next day in the village paper appcare,
an advertisement, stating that Professor b
had arrived in Erie, and would make for :
consideration examination Of the heads of
the citizens, and accompany the same with
accurate. reliable charts of character. For
three or four DAYS the calls were sparse; bu
on the fifth day, there was rush of five O,
SIX to the apartments of the Professor. One
morning, coun;ryman entered the inn in
which the phrcnologist had his rooms, and
SAID to our landlord aforesaid: is this the
place where the phrcnolo.ist holds out. who
can tell mans ka-ractcr by the bumps on
his skull y Yes, answered Bonitace, with
a reserved and dig,.ificd manner. Wal.
waEt my potato-trap looked into little
Where is the man = lam the man. said
the landlord. 'Oh,-you he, eli Wal, put
in feel o my lumrs, and gin US a map
What's the swindlc p There is po swindlc,
SIR; phrenoIogy is a science, SRA Hyru,
SCIENCE oh ycs-'xpcct so but what $
the price for fceIin t;lIcr's head = .One
dollar, with chart Wal. 20 IT; what do
l du? lie down. or sit DOES it hurt -
Not IN the least. Sir; take vour seat in that
char. There were four or five morning
loungers in the tavern. who checked a laugh,
as the countrvmsn took his seat. having first.
as requested. removed his coat vest, ami
neckcloth. The wa. of a landlord ran his
hands through the hair Of the patient for a
moment. and then said to his bar-tcn Ter: -
Mr.. FhpkIns, take sheet OF paper. draw
four lines down It's whole length. and pat
down my figures under the heads mention
to yon. II was done. Have YOU cot it .
Yes: all right Very well : and the land
lord went on with his examination. which
was rougher, perhaps. than there was any
Necessity for: Put down Phio- -proscni,ve-
ness slrty.' Down. Sir Very we'll: Eeve-
renee. two Booked. Sir .Comha,ivene>s,
hr" h"'"''ed." whats Hut' said the vie
i'm. NO matter. Sir: you'll see it on the
chart Caution, one Credulify. tA"- hy,l-
red !" What's that last lump asked the
patient Never mind. now you'll under
stand it bv -andhv. And now. 10 the bar
keeper Mr.. Flipkins, you've pnt these in
separate column. As usual: Yes, Sir
VERY we'll: add 'em up" 'Md',m u-u-,,-p.'."
exclaimed the p!'rcnoloyical subject: is that
the WAY vou do = OF r-o-u-r-,-r How else
could We get Your balance of minI-of intel
lect = Wal. 90 ahead" How does j, d.,
BOIL. Mr.. FIipkins:' The three columns
are einal they foot up precisely the same =
lhe landlord looked >olcmnlv and svmoa;hi
singIyv toward his subject: 1T is very STRANGE
said he. but Il Is So. Pircno!orv never l,.s
Ion have d" predominant character. Sir: vou
have no intellectual s'Gfu>: vou don't know
any thing. Sir. Excuse me-. SIR, but | must
state the truth. whether Won take chart or
not: but. Sir. if there is any tru-l, IN ,hr.
noiogv, p'u IRE u ,oo'' CnI.r ,,,. ;r,.,,,n.
stances. SIR. can scarcely expect Won to de-
sire TO keep the chart which Won have con-
tractcd tor; that is matter of >m,l. eorse-
Iuence. as II will bc valuable Illustration
OF uniInc Spc,'icS, which can use in my
lectures hereafter | authenticate aT nv
lectures, Sir. with real name and res;1.pr.
Ihe charge of deception III s,iencc. Sir. is
one which was never brought against me-
Sir. and never wW be. Sir-ne,.r" .tM :.
never mind; give us the map, sand the sub
lect; here 5 tie swIndle for it Is swindl,..
but Ia rather pay it than to have Won no;n'
round the country maxim fool of me every
where else. As yon have hcre-you blasted
Phii"ProScnItivc hunhug. Won, With this
explosion, the subject retired.
MAJOR ''"liah oi;ra lv Gahagan, late of
The II. +. !. Company's service. has III. hon
or 10 INFORM the gentlemen of San Francisco
OF his arrival from Calcutta. and offers Them
his professional services As a DuNif am, =
'rof'Ss"r .t the Co3f ot W,,.or.
From his great experience and skill in his
profession, havin: had the pleasure of being
engaged IN over fcur thousand affairs o. hon
or ana I" have slam in personal combat.
d"r'n. the past thirty years. two hundred
and thlrtv-cight gentlemen of hill, re>p.rt,.
nlfv' MAJOR Gaha.an flutcr> himself that
ne snail br able 10 give satisfaction to the
rh'valry of San Francisco. and 10 ronduc,
their I'ttle .ndn's' with uncqnallcd ecya,.
In soliciting the patronage of this enliri,t
snrd community, Major Gahacan has the
honor to submit the following scale of fees
which he has put at such an exceedingly low
''@nre AS to place duel in the power of a
gentleman OF TIE most limited means.
For demanding an apology, ga
n'iI". an al.lcct ditt"
Fer letters on the subject Of satisfaction each u
For arranging and carving OH a hoS,i,.
meeting. as follows:
With !uellirg pistols. ten >t.n,. e,so
10. furnishing pistols. ammunition. surgeon.
an carr?g ooo
W ith rifles. thirty >,c;,> Ia
l'tt". with mIskct,, ditto. t.n
With Colt revolvcr>. sin shots ,on
pitto, SIN FOUNDERS. tartcrv I,fovi.el.l 800
For settling satisfactorily a difficulty. with
ont prejudice TO the honor of either party. as
follows.
When the lie has been cive,, Ian
When the Nose has beer, pulled. n.
" hen L blow has been struck ia
When kick has been given. I.5
Ditto. on "r near the coat-ta>. ooo
As line must be drawn somehow, Major
u. feels 1t his duty 20 announce that he will
on no account consent to serve in an affair
between persons of color, and that his char
Ses Tor conducting a duel between two tailor>
viii oe nine times as great as the ordinary
lees, the proverbial tenacity of life of these
tradesmen rendering this arrangement i'm
perativc.
AS interference with gentleman's pro,cs
SION Is an outrage by no means to BE- to.ra-
ted' Major Gahagan deems it his duty TO in
form all gentlemen who NAV think proper
to engage in an affair Of honor hereafter,
whether as principal or seconds, without, his
assistance, that be will hold them personally
responsible for so doing, in each and every
instance.
Fostlng, as Liar. Coward and Scoundrcl.
by card or pl9caru pYccuted On III, .,,os4 |