The Opelousas patriot. [volume] (Opelousas, Parish of St. Landry, La.) 1855-1863, 1855-05-12
gynorai..c IL isiiss.

As illustrated by my impressions after reading
DR.. Johnsons dangerously interesting bool,
oh 1.-The Chemistry Of Common Life which
are as follows:
|. That because have been eating q lettuce
salad after dinner which may have been washed
III water from leaden cistern-the tendency oi
vi the ramiiying filaments OF fungi, within the
tissue Of the animal consuming them shall
probably break out into mushrooms in the
course OF few minutes; an idea which is dis
tasteful to my feelings as man, as is also that
indeed, OF being called an " animal" under any
circumstances.
IL. That the escape from the pores of my in
diSidual skin i'll the course of twenty-four hours
Of =" from one and a half to two pounds of wa
ter" is an alarming drain upon my system, and
that, if it is really the case / had better get
myself stopped up, somehow; that the further
statement OF my giving out, in The same time
by the same process, about drachm Of char
coal, combined with oxygen gas" is an inta-
nous calumny, as | am convinced that have
nothing OF the sort about me. Does the man
take me for gas company or q tre-work?
-lll-Ihat its q confounded shame to set a
nam against his tavorite lunch Of bread and
cheese and spring onions, by telling him thai
the small from those delicious plants contain
sui lphur and its allied substances, such as
cyanogen, phosphorus, and tellurum." Why,
| have eaten Heaven knows how much sulphur
and phosphorus i'll my time without knowing
(which may have taken root in my system.
For aught know, l am at this moment a walk
ing box of matches! At any rate shall be
afraid to go near sand-paper mandatory for
the future.
Nv. That to eat spoonful! Of mustard and a
single shred OF horseradish, with my next steak
would result in convulsions and DEATH
V. That my only chance Of walking from
Prices candle mandatory, past the bone bur
ners (Which have often done in blind security,)
and coming out at the Crystal Palace alive,
would be by carefully ellveloping my head in
bag containing a bushel Of finely-powered char
coal. j
VI. That, as general principle, l had be.-
ter resign myself to death by s,arvation-ther
being no article OF food whatever, sold by any
living tradesman, that is not deadly and i'll
Simultaneously poisonous.
Vii. That beet is horselesh, adulterated by
some dangerous ingredient
VIII. That if We're to eat picked cucum-
Der, l should corrode and fzz!
*. That shall get hungry tomorrow, and
in tine deln'inm invariably produced by famine,
may pitch into the pot OF sardines on the
side -board-which | know to consist exclu-
sively of oxide Of mercury-or into the hail
pound Of Orange county butter which,
am told has been 1" made heavier by beating
water into it and when l reflect upon what
have just read Of the composition Of wa
ter--but it won't bear thinking Of.
\. That am altogether miserable COM
pound Of fibre, oxygen, azote, charcoal, white
Of egg, Flanders brick, whitening, tenpenny
nails, sugar, salt, lime, brimstone-and indeed
any thing but the wholesome flesh and blood
had fondly believed myself to consist of thai
the discovery has made me intensely wretched +:
and that | would take pipe, to obtain a few
moments consolation previously to my fnai
blow up (which ! feel to be rapidly appracb-