Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1855-11-28
Biack-handed B1arney.

1 n = f ~
An Irishman, one Barney Brady was brought
characteristics-getting drunk and fighting
which he carried to the ssadmired extreme."
Having drunk his skin full of whislley be be-
came amiabiy pugnacous and wanted to whip
anybody or anything that would step out ssjust
ror the fun of the fracas.'' He had picked a
loving quarrel with the keeper of porter
house, had kindly Knocked down two apple
women and newsboy, in acomnlendable a spir-
it of pleasantness had kicked in a basement
window in the hope of inducing the owner to
come out and have .sscrimmage,' - and at the
time of his arrest was throwing bricks against
the door of Engine No. 81 hoping that some
OF ITS ,Milesian members would sympathize
with gentleman in his pursuit of quarrel
under difficulties, and would come out and
national love and good-fellowship. Police
man 1,O01 soon settled him with a few blows
OF his club, and Barney was brought into Court
with his head cut open ia several places and
his nose knocked sideways as if it had been
run over by meat cart. Hewas wellacquaint-
ed with the Judge, having been indebted al
ready to his Honor for a gratious trip up the
river, and, although he probably anticipated
pretty correctly the result of his examination,
he could not resist attempting to ssblarney"
the Justice, probably from sheer force of habit;
however, to the tail of every one of his .ssoth-
erings speeches, he tagged on undertone a
qualifying phrase, or direct reVersion Of that
part of his conversation intended for the ear
OF the Judge, SO that while the spoken part of
every answer contained oac meaning, it wculd
be materially qualified by the whispered after
part.
EJudge-Why, Barney, have you come again2
Prisoner-Yes, your Honor; this gentleman
Wild the star on brought me here to see your
Honor's noble countenance once more; am 1
niver saw pair of worse lookin' thieves in all
my life.
Judge-Have you been drunk againi
Prisoner-Slightly elevated. your Honor,
not half SO drunk as the that wears your
boots gets livery day of his dirty life.
Judge-Don't you think you'd better let
whiskey alone, Barneya
Prisoner-Perhaps l hads Sir. You old
squintreyed blackguard, ye know ye git blind
drunk and rowl on the floor among the spaniel
pups every dinner ye ate.
5!rdge-The law says l must Emo You ten
dollars.
Prisoner-Yer noble self that knows so
much about the law can't find it in yer heart
know, to be heard on an unletthered devil like
Barney Brady who knows the law, an oulder
Law, an more of it than could be hammered
into That thick old sconce of yours wid pile
drveF;s We can't tell Blackstone from broom
stick, and don't know yer little finger from a
speakin' truulphet, ye eonceited old vagabone.
sJgdge-And you was disorderIy, too, and
wanted to fight; that is an additional offence
Prisoner-PIase yer HighHess, it was only
Dutchman and darkiss, an the likes of thin
blackguards, / was disputin' wild, niyer got
so drunk yit that / couldn't tell gfntleman
ike yerself-an' wouldn't like to bate the
eyes out of your muzzIed head, if [ only put
my fist wonst gintly between yer pig-colored
eyes, or let my bit ofa stick drop aisy on the |
top OF your empty old pate, ye'd think ye was
struck wild chain litenin, or that Ye'd suddenly |
transformed into galvanized steam ingin an
was goin, ravin' distracted mad wild worse
tit OF delirium triangles than irer ye had yit.
Judge-Can You pay your fine?
Prisoner-Tin dollars is it2 I've not lust
the exact change at this mint wit me, yer
Homer, but I'll pay ye sure as the diyil's |
1 iver pay wan single clint to that |
accomplished blackguard, Mr. Justice Bein- /
nan, may be caught in a muss without shil- |
lelah am no stones handy, may be walked |
widout whiskey or snuff, an may that me |
divil fly away wild what's left of me on pitch
fork for his Sunday morning lunch.
Judge-Can't trust you Barney-have to |
ock you up.
Prisoner-1 suppose it's the best you can do |
'or me, am IN thankful to yer Honor; whin
git.ou call an see me, av yer piaze-but ifI |
Yer see yer ugly mug inside my door first I'll
ock up my two spoons an hide the whiskey
M thin I'll give my personal and immediate
attention to batin' ye so blue that yer own
mother couldn't swear whether yere her neph-
w or her niece.
10 sis that a lightning bug in the street9''
asked short-sigbted old lady. ssNo, grand
ma, = said pert little miss, ssIt's big bug
With a cigar
10 Somebody says wife should be like
oas:ed lamb-tender and nicely dressed
'omebody else Wickedly adds, and without