Lynchburg daily Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1852-1861, 1855-09-04
Sidney Smiths Wit

daughter. Lady Holland is now attracting a
good deal OF attention. From long review Of l.
we extract the following scraps Of the cit and hI
NOR Of the famous Dean:
Mrs jackson called The other day and spoke
of the oppressive heat # last week. "lleat
mn am :" snid: IL dreadful hero that found
there was nothing leil for II but 10 take off my
| flesh and sill in my bones" Take off your flesh
aud I'll in yours bones. sir Oh Mr. smith
| how could YOU do that !" she exclaimed. with tie
utmost gravity, "Noihng more easy ma'am--
come and sec next time. But she ordered hnr
carriage, aud evidently thoughtita very unortho-
dox proceeding.
Miss -. too, the other day, walking round
the grounds At Combe Ferry, exclaimed, "Oh,
why do you chain up that fine Newfoundland
dog, Mr.. Smith p "l1ecausc it has passion
for breakiastng on parish boys - "larish
boys she exclaimed, docs be really eat boys,
Mr.. Smith 7" YES. he deyours them. buttons
aud all" Her face OF horror made me die #
laughing.
The little scotch iibes afforded fund of nerri
ment 10 the satirenl stranger. 1t requires" he
used 10 say, "a surgical operation 70 get II i'ke
we'll into Scotch understanding. Their only
idea Of sit. orratler that inferior variety Of this
electric tal.nt which prevails occasionally IN the
North, aud which under the name of "wut, IS 80
infinitely distressing to people of good taste, -
laughing immodcraey at stated intervals They
so imbuod with metaphysics that they even
make love metaphysiealy. overheard n young
indy Of my acquaintance at dance in Edinburg
exeluim, in sudden pause of the music, "What
you say, my lord is very true of love in The
abstract but" Here the iddlers began fd.
ding furously, aud the rest was lost.
The conversation turned upon pictures. "
like pictures, without knowing anything about
thcm but hate ooxeombryin the fine arts as we'll
as in anything else. | got into dreadful disgrace
with Sir G.. b. once, who standing before picture
Of Bowood, exclaimed, turning TO me- Immense
breadth of light and shade ? innooently said,
Yos about an inch and half He gave
look that ought 10 have killed me"
Some one speaking of the utility of measure,
and quoting IS opinion: Yes, he is of the
ntiIilaran school. That man is so hard you might
drive IA broad wheeled wagon over him, and II
would produce no impression; II you were 10
bore holes in him with gimlet, am convinced
saw dist would come cat Of him. That school
treats mankind as If they were nero machines;
the feelings Affections never enter into their
calculations If everythngis to be sacrificed To
utility. why do you bury your grandmother nj
all Why don't you cut her into small pieces al
and make portable soap of her =
" liavc yon heard Of Niebuhrs discoveries I! =
All Roman history reversed Tnrqun turning
out AN excellent fumily man, and Lucreia very
have visited"
"Danicl Webster struck me much like stcnu
engine in trowsers."
"Once, when talking with Lord -pn the sub
5ject Of Bible names, could not remember the
name Of one of Jobs daughters. ke1ia,' said
he Immediately. Surprised, congratulated him
upon being 81 well read in Bible lore. No
said he, my three greyhound, are named after
jobs daughters
An argument arose. in which my father OBJ
served how many of the most eminent men of the
world had been diminutive in person and after
several among the anoieuts, he added, Why,
look there at Jeilery an there is my little friend
-, who has not body enough to coyar his
mind deoenily with his intellect is improperly
exposed
Nothing so tirosome to me as person who
is always talking Phncuses; prefer plain. hon
est dullness "A thousand tines
Talking Of absence, The oldest instance of
absence of mind happened to me once in forget
ting my own name, | knocked at a door in Lon
don; asked, "ls Mrs B ut home" "le%,
Sir; pray what name shall say!" | looked III
the mans face ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS namel ay, that
is the question; what Is my namel believed the
man thought me mad but it is literally true that
during the space of two or three minutes had
no moro idea who WAY than if had never TX
listed. did not know whether | was u Dssen
tcror layman. felt as dull as Sternhold and
Hopkins. At last, to my great relief, il flashed
across me thar was Sydney smith"
al heard ola clergyman who went jogging
along the road till he came To n turnpike
"What is to payl' PAY. Sirl for what" ask
ed the turn pike-man. "Why, for my horse, 10
be sure" Your horse, Sirl what horsel Here
is no horse Sir" "No horse, God bless mel
said he, suddenly looking down between his legs,
II thought was ON horseback.
"lho charm of London is that you are never
! glad or sorry ten minutes together in the coun-
| try you are the one and the other for weeks"
There is New Zealand attorney arrived IN
! London, with 6s. sd. tatooed all over his face.
''if you masthead sailor for not doing his
duty, why should you not wcathercock parish
Toner for refusing to pay tithesl'
Yes, you find people ready enough TO do the
Samaritan, without the oil and two pence"
al fully intended going to America, but my
parshloners held meeting AM came to u reso
luton that they could not trust me with the can
vuss back ducks; and felt they were right, s.
gave up the project"
My living in Yorkshire was SO far out of In,
way that it was actually twelve miles from lie.
mon.'
IrEsr No inf,