Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1855-05-10

a
foregO the delights Of social intercourse, the
sweets OF eonversation. the matual overaowinQ
Of The heart. From all this was I aeSarsd.
sxeeptsO far as absolute necessity demanded.
When 1 Ventured to appear in society, I seem.
ed to myself Kind OF excOmmunicated being.
II circumstances compelled me to appear in the
presence Of strangers, an indescribabls sgita.
ton siezed me; was tortured By the fear Of
being rendered conspicuous only By my iufrm-
ity. ,-.y.i- s4rs a --0or
Ia thiS state remained fall half year,
when biuuGsif;;Ssss doctor P~.- NV 'nA'
the best thing ! cOuld do 10 recover NY hear
ing. would be to go into the country. Here,
melted BY my natural disposition, l was in.
duced to join in the society Of my neighbOrs.
Oh, how bitter was the modification expe.
rieneed, when some one near me would stand
listening to the tones Of flute, which l could
not hear, or to the shepherds song sounding
from the valley, not one note Of which could
distinguish Such occurrences had the effect
Of driving me almost to despair; nay, even
raised gloomy thoughts in my mind Of seeking
relief in self destruction. Il was nothing but
my art that restrained me; it appeared impos-
sible for me TO quit the world. ill bae ac-
cOmplshed the object I felt myself, as il we're,
destined to fulfil. Thus did continue to drag
on a miserable existence, truly miserable, ia.
asmuch, as with so sensitive constitution Of
body, any sudden change was capable Of hur-
rying me to the most violent extremes. Yes,
Patience, l must take thee for my guide and
cOnductress; l hope to follow thy dictates, and
2ersevere to the end, till il shall please the in.
exOrable fate 70 cut the thread of nay existence.
Yes, be it for better or for worse, I am pre-.
pared to meet the issue. For one in his Qsth
year TO become philosopher is no easy task,
and still more difficult is it for an artist than
for any other man.
Father Of Goodness, thou lookest into the in
most recesses Of this heart. thou knowest that
feelings of humanity and bsnevolencs find a
place here. Oh you that hear this, reflect on
the injustice you do me! And let the child Of
misfortune console hiAself that in me be has,
at least, a partner in uuhappiness; and one
who, in spite Of all the obstacles Of aature,
has still done everything in his power to gain a
place in the rank Of able artists and honorable
men. ..#
l charge you, my dear brother Carl and you
my nephew Louis, as soon as am dead, to
send in my name, for Professor Schmidt ION
the presumption that he will survivs mel, that
he may take down in writing the nature of my
complaint. and desire that ths document
may be joined to the present paper, in order
that, after my death at least. the world may,
as far as possible, BE- reconciled to me.
At the same time, hereby declare you the
joint heirs of the little property. ifsO It can be
called, which have been able to lay up, share
it equally and justly; live in harmony together.
and assist each other. Whatever. you may
have done against me, be assured that it has
long since been forgiven. thank you in
particular. by dear brother Carl, for the affec-
tiOnate attention have experienced from you
of late. It is my sincere hope and wish that
you NAV lead life more free from cares and
sorrows than mine has been: teach your child
rem to learn virtue she alone, and not perish
able gold, can make them truly happy
speak it feelingly, and from experience | her
hand it was that upheld me In the midst Of the
ills oflife. To her influence, next to that Of
my art, do / owe the blessing of not having
terminated my existence BY suicide. Live mo.
rally and love one another.
Ireturn thanks to all my friends, and, in
particular, to Prince IichnoWsky, and Profess,
or Schmidt. 1t is my wish that the instfu.
ments presented to me BY Prince L., should Be
preserved by you With the greatest care, bat
let no dispute arise between you respecting
them. If, however. It be more advantapeOnl
to both, let them be sold; for the thought o
my having assisted you through life will reude
me happy even in death. and cheer in some de
gree the gloom Of The grave, so let il be I ,
With joy do hasten to meet death nay
should he come even before time 10 allowed N,
to accomplish all the objects Of art which
have in vieE, still, in spite Of my hard fate
would I welcome bis coming. and wish bin
Il i u
early here. And have l not reason to rsioiel
at bis approach, since he will free me from
state Of unceasmg sorrows ? Yes. come whsI
thou wilt, thou stern messenger, I will go viii
10y to meet thee. g.zI N'lar.
Live well. and be moi fOrgstful of me svsl
in death ! am not undeserying Of this frOu
you, since in life you vers frequently in NJ
thoughts, in my endesycrs 10 render you bar
py. So be it. 's, 80 s., :
LUDwFa van BnzrHoyxn.
HsilissnstAds, October 9, le0a fsss p
| ~-O-.- So
SHocEISe CRuELrE.--T'he Cincinnati Times