The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1855-04-18
NY CONrHesION.

1 vas more dogged, both at home anu .,
school, than any one ever knew or nea ~
Of. Il was incessant logging. was ane
best way they knew Of to educate ana COTE. .,ss
me. / remember to this day now my .s. arr
and INV master used TO say they would hog
TIA devil ont of me-" This phrase was burnt
s. last into INV very being. / bore it always
s,onsciously about with me, heard fso OF
ter fh.f dim kind of notion came into my
mind that really was possessed by devil,
and chat they were right to try and scourge
Il ont ofme This was very vague feeling
1t firss. After events made il more definite.
Time went on in the old way. Twas for
ever doing wrong, and forever under punish
ment-terrible punishment that left my body
wounded. and hardened my heart into stone.
/ have bitten my tongue till It was black and
swollen, that might not cay repented of
what had done. Repentance then was sy.
nonymous with cowardice and shame. At
last il grew into savage pride of endur-
ance. gloried in my sefferings, for knew
I came the conqueror out of them. The
masters might log me TIL tainted; but they
could not subdue me. My constancy was
greater than their tortures, and my firmness
superior to their win. Yes, they were forced
to acknowledge it'll conquered them the
devil would not be scourged out Of me at
their bidding; but remained with me at mine.
When ] look back to this time of my boy:
hood, / seem to look over wide expanse of
desert land swept through by fiery storms
Passions Of every kind convulsed my mind
unrest and mental turmoil, strife and tumult,
and suffering never ceasing;-this is the pic
ture Of my youth whenever turn it from the
dark wall Of the past. But it is foolish to re.
call this now. Even ct my age, chastened
and D0bered as am, It makes my heart
bound with the old passionate throb again
when ] remember the torture and the fever
of my boyhood. aa
- 1 had few school friends The boys were
afraid of ma, very naturally; and shrank
tent ban as L / resented this and fought my
way savagely against them. One only, Her
bert Ferrars, was kind to me; he alone loved
me, and he alone was loved in return
Loved-as you may well believe a boy of
warm affections, such as was, in spite of
all my intemperance of passion, isolated
from all and Stunned by all-would love any
one such as Herbert! He was the Royal Boy
of the school; the noblest the loved of ALL
masters and playmates alike; the chief of all;
clever; like young Apollo among the
of his dawning manhood. Inever knew one
80 unselfsh-so gifted and 30 striving SO
loving and so just, so gentle and so strong.
We were friends-fast, firm friends. The
other boys and the ushers, and the masters
too, warned Herbert against me. They told
him continually that / should do him no
good, and might harm him in many ways
But he was faithful, and suffered no one to
come between US. / had never been angry
with Herbert. A word, or look, joining on
the humour Of the moment, would rouse me
into perfect fiend against any one else but
Herbert's voice and manner soothed me un-
der every kind of excitement. In any par
oxysm of rage-the very worst-I was gen.
tie to him and had never known yet the
fit of fury which had not yielded to his re.
monstrance. Ihad grown almost to look on
him as my good angel against that devil
whom the rod could not scourge out of me.
We were walking on the cliffs one day,
Herbert and /, for we lived by the sea side.
And indeed think that wild sea makes me
fercer than l should else have BEEN The
.-eiiHs where we were that day were high and
/ rugged; in some places going down sheer
and smooth into the sea, in others jagged and
rough; but always dangerous. Even the
samphire gatherers dreaded them, They
were of crumbling sandstone, that broke
away under the hands and feet for we had
often climbed the practicable parts, and knew
that great masses would crumble and break
under our grasp, like mere gravel heaps
Herbert and / stood for a short time close to
it was called looking down at the sea, which
was at high tide, and foamipg wildly about
the 70 cks. The wind was very strong, though
the sky was almost cloudless it roared
round the cliffs, and dashed the waves into a
surging foam, that beat furiously against the
base, and brought down showers of earth
and sand with each blow as it struck. The
sight of all this life and fury of nature fe-
versd my blood and excited my imagination
% Scha Ack~
wanted to Chamber down the face of the
clifts-to the very base-and dip myself il
The white waves fOaming round them. /
was wild fancy, but could not conquer ii
though tried to do SO and felt equal t,
the accomplishment. = :
Herbert, am going down the cliff -
said, throwing my cap on the ground.
Nonsense, Paul." said Herbert, LAUGH
ing. he did not believe me; and thought
was only in jest.
When, however, he saw that was seri
GUS, and that l did positively intend to at
tempt this danger, he opposed me in his old
manner OF gentleness and love; the manner
which had hitherto subdued me like q magic
spell. lie told me that it was nv certain
death was rushing to, and he asked me af-
fectionately to desist.
was annoyed at his opposition. For the
nrst time his voice had no power over me -
ZOE Tue nlSt tlne MS entreatieS fell dead on
my ears. Scarcely hearing Herbert, scarcely
seeing him, leant over the cliffs; the waves
singing to me as with human voice: when
was suddeniy pulled back, Herbert saving
to me angrily-
Paul, are you mad? Do you think will
stand by and see you kill yourselfp'
& lie tore me from the cliff 1t was strain
like physical anguish when could no longer
see the waters. l turned against him saw
agely, and tried to shake Of his hand. Rut
ne threw his arms around me, and held me
hrmiy, and the feeling of constraint, of i'm.
pfisonmenf, overcame my love. could not
pear personal restraint even from him. His
young light arms seemed like leaden chains
about me; he changed to the hideousness If
alailcr; his opposing love, to the insolence
OF afyrant | called hoarsely to him to let
me free-but be still chung round me. Again
called, again he withstood me. and then
struggled with him. My teeth were set fast.
my hands clenched, the strength of strong
man was in me. Iseized him bythewaist as
would lift young child, and hurled him
from me. God help NEIL did not see in
what direction.
e vas ~ II shadow had fallen between
ne and the sun, so that / could see nothing
inits natural light. There was no light and
there was no color. The sun was Is bright
over head a before: fhe rraas Law af INV fact