davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

How MEDICAL PROFESSOR CURED A
LIAR, AND RESTORED LOST MEMoRY-
On certain occaslon, medical professor
delivering practical lectures to the public. a
ganky fellow thought he had devised node
Of turning the laugh against The doclor.--
He mounted the Stage, and being questioned ID
as 10 bis disorder. said very gravely:
"Whv I'm liar"
Sad disorder, sir, bu, perfectly curable,"
said The doctor.
"WeII," said the man, "but I've a worse
complsini than iha,-I've lost my memo
'ry"
"Qui,e durable, slso," added the doctor,
"bu. must make my preparations. Come
again after dinner, and will be ready for
you; but pay down five shilIngs."
The man who intended TO have his fun
gratis, resisted, but the doctor declared he
never lie, any one down from The Stage lIll
he had paid something.
"Besides," said the doctor, show can
trust you? You say you are liar and
have no memory so you will either break
your promise or forget all about it.'
A loud laugh from the audience express
ed their scquiesence in the Justice Of the
claim, and the poor fool was compelled to
lay down the cash. No one supposed he
would come again, but he s,ll hoped lhs,
he might turn The tables, and presented
himself q, the appointed hour. The doc
tor received him with great gravity, and ad-
dressing the audience, said
"Gen,lemen may think it joke, bu. as
sure them on The honor of gentleman, that
i, is a very serious affair and hereby en-
gage to return the money, If the audience
do no. acknowledge The cure, and that sm
fairly en,lIed to the reward"
The man sat down was furnished with a
glass of water.
The doctor produced box of fat'ened
black pills, and TO show that they were per.
fectly harmless, offered to swallow three or
four himself He then gave one of them to
the man, who, after many wry faces, Bit
into it, started up, spitlng, ana exclaimed
"Why, hang me, if i. ain'l coblet's wax ~
"Tbere," said the doctor, lifting up both
hands," any body ever witness so sudden
so miraculous a recovery He is evident
ly cured Of lying, for he has told the truth
instantly, and lhe memory, my good fellow
continued he, pa,ling blD on the back, s.!
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08
NJ Is G. f. LII A N EO US.
SPLITTING.

Will the time ever come when the spit
toon, that disgusting reminder ,hs, people
spit, will be removed from our psrlor. slea-
mers and cars? Those who chew tobacco
should feel delicacy in having this one Of
the lower vices made appsren. by The use Of
le case de tobac, as few others rarely avail
themselves Of This convenience.
The habit of fspltIng is, probably, one rea-
son why the Americans are so mesgre in
person. They spit themselves 10 death, and
then talk wonderfully about our climate
swell The numbers Of those who die Of con-
sumption, and look like scarecrows during
the period of their natural life. Women and
girls rarely spit, from an insiinclive sense
OF its indelicscy; bu! men look solemn, talk
grave, and spit.
They finish sentence in conversation by
spit, just as we close q paragraph in our
editorial with period.
Boys, as soon as they are installed into a
broad collar, spit. They practice in order
TO do this well-shoolng forward the body,
and the under lip, till they become masters
Of the art, end able to hit spiltoon a. the
greatest possible distance.
If splitting must be done, the pock ethand-
kercbief is the onl legitimate medium, and
this can be used in q manner as little obvi
Gus 10 the spectator as possible. Those
who have this habi. invetera,ely established,
should carry an extra handkerchief, ,ha, the
one "wisely KEEP, for show may be as lit
tie Objectionable as possible.
Seriously, our secrelions, if heallhful, are
never offensive; and never in undue quan.i'
ties-,he habi! of casting the saliva from the
mouth causes an extra secretion, which
must, in it's turn, be elected, and thus ns-
ture is severely taxed to supply the waste
the gums shrink-,he teeth fail-'be throat
parched-bronchi.is, first, and finally Con-
sumption, or some or.her decay of q weak
organ, comes in 10 close the scene.
An Arab would run man through who
should presume 10 spit in bis presence
The bird never spils, the toad squats to the
earth, and the serpent secretes saliva as q
deadly poison. If we weep psssionately
the saliva is bitler-iti is pungent and scsnly
in the action Of The bsser emotions, while
love renders j, swee. end abundant. The
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

THE ADVANTAGES OF FLANNEL.-Dr.
Stuart in his liule work entitled "Heal,h
for The Mllion," says: "Flannel should al.
ways be worn mex, TO the skin in The day
time, both in winter and summer. 1t does
not absorb moisture like linen, which be-
comes wei, and increases the liability TO
cold. 1t should be removed on going to
bed, for the sake Of cleanliness, the skin be-
ing usually covered with greasy secretions,
derived from the solids of the perspira,ion.
Thls is not absorbed by flannel bu. by
wearing q calico nigh. shir, i. is entirely re-
moved. For the sake Of warmth, loose
flannel jacket may be worn over il. wish
particularly to recommend This plan for
general sdop,ion. have found j. very SER
vcestle in my own family, especially with
children whose restless movements during
sleep, generally leave The upper par. Of the
body exposed. The rheumatic pains often
felt in the shoulder by adults, are due
in grea. measure to this exposure. have
never known any one TO discontinue i, who
has given it ,1iaI. Ii is no. intended TO
supetcede the use of a sponging bath, but
as an auxiliary to it. The use of flannel
for ladies' clothing, instead Of portion Of
calico Dr linen would be advantsge eous, and
for warmth, nigh. we'll supersede slsys !;
warmth being one Of The excuses for wear.
ing Them"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

SHUTTING HIS MOUTH jarvis. the p.in-
ter. was one day employed in painting por-
trait Of Bishop and during the progress
of the sitting The venerable prela,e began to
remonstrs,o with him q, the dissipaled
course of life into which he had falIen.-
jarvis made no repIv; but dropping his pen
ell from the forehead Of the por,rsi. to the
lower part Of The face, he said, with sligh,
motion to the reverend sitter. "Just shut
your mouth, my lard" By painting upon
lha. feature he changed the subject in two
senses.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

THE RULING PAssIoN.-A young lady
thus writes anonymously in the columns of
q newspaper:
"For nv own part, confess that the de-
sire of my heart, and my constant prayer
is, that may be blessed with good and
sffec,ionale husband, and .ha. may be a
good and afeclionate wife snd mother
Should ! be denied this, hope for grace
TO resign myself-bu! i! will be a hard trial
for me.''
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

THE SABBATH-No o one who he's never
,oiled from morn ill night, early and late,
the whole six days appointed TO labor, can
properly appreciate The Sabbath as day of
rest. How The weary and worn long for that
day, that they may rest from their labors I!
How swee. in prospective beams that hal
lowed dsv upon their path, like rock in q
deser, land, like spring ir thirsty plain,
like broad shadowiug Tree in the noon.ide
hour.
"Oh! ] wish Tomorrow was Sunday"
cries The weary laborer, tho feels the ten
sion Of sinews and nerves can hold out but
little while longer without relaxation and
rest.
"Oh am glad tomorrow is Sunday
eXclsims the laborer's wife, Tired TO the last
degree Of cooking, washing, scrubbng and
mending.
Oh blessed dav Of rest, when man and
beast may lawfully rest from their labors,
relax the wearied limbs, and refresh the
dropping spirit by quof1i"g Of the waters Of
life freely. And blessed The laborer, who
feels as no other The luxury Of repose that
is hard earned Thus toll is in q measure,
its own reward bv the sweetness of its rest.
Those who seek only the pleasure of this
life, and loII in wearsome mono,onnus lux
ury, may wish the Sabbath ss all other days,
and that no restraint may be placed upon
their carousing and pleasure hunting. But
never shall the day lose lis sacrednass and
lis lovers. so long as there are those who
toll for daily bread to hail its blesl return !;
so long as there are those who labor n OF a.
lone for the bread that perishelh. but look
forward to that rest which God give,h his
beloved when physical and mental toll cea-
seth, and spiri. with spirit dwelIs-Oliue
Branch.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

SMART BoY-A little boy Of our scqusin.
tance recently attended church, and after
listening e,,en.ively to the parable Of the
wise and foolish "house- builders," said to
his mother, on the way home, 81 dom.
think tha, man was SO very wise sfler ALL"
'And why not, my son -
"Wby, if bis house was built on q rock,
where would he find place for bic ceIIsr?"
Sure enough, sonny, where could he !?
Tha, idea never struck us before
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

A SLIGHT MIsTAKE.-When Catlin's O.
jibewsys visited Buckingham Palace, 10 be
presented to the Queen, the old chief mis-.
took Sykes, the porter, for Prince Albert,
and inquired after his squaw. Poor un,u-
,ored Indian! He could not appreciate the
"divini.y that doth hedge King
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08
PO E. II r Y.
THE BEST ESTATE OF MAN.
BY CHARLES SWAIN.

BY CHARLES SWAIN.
The heart it hath its own estate
The Mind it hath its wealth untold;
1t needs not fortune to be great,
While there s a coin surprising gold.
No matter which way fortune leans,
Wealth makes not happiness secure;
A little mind hath little means
A narrow heart is always poor.
Stern Fate the greatest still enthrals,
And Misery hath its high compeers;
For Sorrow enters palace halls,
And queens are not exempt from tears.
The princely robe and beggar's coat,
The scythe and sword, the plume and plough,
And in the grave of equal note
Men live but in the eternal 'Now!"
Still disappointment tracks the proud,
The bravest meath defeat may fall;
The high, the rich, the courtly crowd,
Find there's calamity for all.
'Tis not the house that honor makes
True honor is thing divine;
1t is the mind precedence takes
1t is the spirit makes the shrine!
So keep thou yet generous heart,
A steadfast and contented mind;
And not till death consent to part
With that which friend to friend doth bind.
What's uttered from the life within
Is heard not by the life without;
There's always something to begin
'Twxt life in faith and life in doubt!
But grasp thou Truth-though black appears
The rugged path her steps have trod-
She'll be thy friend in other spheres;
Companion in the world of God.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

"THE Beasts THAT PERIsH."-We
mean, good reader, those old cows and OK
en-, yours perchance, destined TO die Of cold
and starvation, somewhere between the lO'h
Of March and the 10Th Of April, 1856. ''poor
and very i'll favored, and lean f1eshed," such
as Pharosh dreamed Of, bu, "never saw in
all the land Of Egyp, for badness" We are
neither Prophet, nor the son Of Prophet;
bu, Judging by the past, we have = distinct
foreseeng Of wha, will surely come 10 pass,
as TO these said lean kline.
In The frs. place they will do what they
did, IN Pharoah's dream; they will eat up
the fat kline. That's their mission and their
revenge. Whatever Of prof. your generous
mixers and well fa,ted oxen may have yiei
ded, will surely be swallowed up in this
mos, un,hrfiy trade of murrain hides.
Is trade that canno. by possibility be made
To pay expenses Even the farmer who dis
charged his overseer, because the result Of
his years management show falling ofin
this source Of income, we have reason 10 be-
lieve made no gain by such ssgscious poli-
cy.
Apart from any consideration Of profit,
surely no man. much less one who calls
himself christian, will distinctly anticipate
and realise, the misery, and slow pining
wretcbedness of the helpless brues he has
charge of, wi,hou. taking prompt and effici-
en-, measures to guard agains. it. II is for
this reason, we call attention TO the matter
now. Now is The time 10 prevent it, be-
cause now j, can be readily done. There
is no difficulty about it, if taken in time.
Overlook your stock and your means Of
support, and determine what proportion you
have the amplest provision for, through tho
winter and Spring. All supernnmeraries,
either sell to your neighbour who may want,
or begin q, once TO fa,,en for the butcher,
and ge, rid Of before Christmas.
For those that remain, have not only good
and sufficient food, but houses or sheds, and
dry beds. Food is no. sufficient without
protection from The weather. High feeding
will compensate in a measure for exposure,
but il is very wasieful management. Every
animal should have at least the protection
of q shed, closed on three sides. Cattle
winter better perhaps in such sheds than in
closer houses, bu, only because of the diff
Guilty Of ven,iasing the latter. The warmer
an animal can Oe kept, lne Woie eC"houI-
ca!v can he be fed, other things being equal;
but clean acholesome air is as necessary as
food The master should 60 10 bed on q
stormy night, with the comfortable ref1ec'
ion, that every beas. dependent upon him,
is as comfortable as himself. Such manage-
men, will break up the whole trade in mur-
rain hides, bu. i! will be profitable loss,
and one that the farming community can
we'll afford.-.American Farmer.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

GRINDING Corn CoBs.-We have had
grea, deal Of ingenuity spent upon machines
for grinding corn cobs. "Cob Crushers,"
"Corn and Cob Mills" s'Liltle Giants,"
and for ough. we know, big giants too have
been put 10 work masking meal out of corn
cobs. Will somebody tell US for what?
since it does appear TO US as big piece Of
folly as ever Yankee ingenuity and COM
mon sense were guilty Of, TO undertake to
make meal out of q substance only fit TO
make ovenwood. il is possible an ostrich
might digest eorn-cobs; no other animal
would, and if they could there is no moro
nu,riment in corn-cobs than there is in bass
wood rails. The only possible advantage
in feeding cob meal is that the animals
stomach must have some course fbrous
m after mixed with the meal Of the grain;
and cobs serve that purpose by dIslendIng
the stomach without adding anything to the
value Of the grain in nnlri,ive or fsting
poin. Of view. But why should we 60 to
so much expense to grind cobs. when we
can grow stalks and cut them up fine enough
to mix with meal for tenth part Of the ex-
pense Besides, corn stalks, straw, end hay
are far more nu,rious, an6 pound for pound,
than cob meal Probably the very best use
tha, can be made Of cobs is for fuel tsking
care TO save the ashes for the leach tub, a.
they abound in potash. TO grind them for
food is one of the folles in this country,
when there need never be any eearciy OF
forsge for cattle, far better than such dry,
hard substance as corR,cobs.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION, OR STRANGE
FoIC CETFULNEss.-The Alexandra Senti-
neL responsible for the following: ~, is
ssis .hata gentleman of this city, returning
hotae ct late hour the other night, So W 90
anlnsllik very big dog lying a, his door.
Hes,oned the dog and The dog seized him
ana held him firmly for squsrler Of en- hour,
ans until pulled off by Ws,cbman. What
Is .emark able, there is no mark of The dog 3
re. ID remslning, and the Ws,chman has los.
alksecolecIlon of seeing him. Ye. there
arr The marks on the door Of the assault end
basery made on the dog, end the suffering
* .ieman declares that he recolects him
,ffss ncily,-s large dog ne wss,-as big as,
s'g ss'-ss 07g ss<e brewer''~d.s we
4 Quiz suppose from the T1scription."
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

a modern philosopher, taking the motion
of the earth q, seventeen miles second,
says .ba, if you lake off your hat in the
street TO bow TO friend, you 60 seventeen
miles bareheaded wi.hou, taking a cold
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY,
BY E. WELLS,
F DI o r AND PRIET R.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.

For one year, if paid within six months, $3.50
6 ifnot paid within six months, 200.
ADvERTIsEMENTs.-Sl per square Tor two inser-
tions-l2 lines of small type or IA of large type
sequent Insertion. IF the number of insertions be
not marked the advertisement it will be pub
lished until forbid, and charged accordingly A
liberal deduction will be made to those who ad-
vertise by the year.
Communications addressed to this Office mus t
be POST PAID.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

MAcKLIN's ADVICE TO HIS SoN-s'I have
often told you, that every man must to q
great extent, be the maker or marrer Of his
own fortune. repea. the doctrine. He
who depends upon incessant industry and
integrity, depends upon patrons of The no
blest and mos. exulled kind these ere crea-
tors of furlune and of lame, the founders OF
families, and can never dissppoin, and deser.
you. They control all human dealings,
and even vicissiludes or sny unfortunate
tendency to a contrary nature. You have
genius, you have learning, you have indus
try at times, but you wan. perseverance
without it you can do nothing. bid you
bear this motto in mnd-"Persevere."
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

"I,'s u very solemn thing to be married."
said Aun, Bethany. "Yes, bu, it is gresl
deal more SOL lswp no, 10 be-" said her niece.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

UNPREMEDITATED ELooUENcE As an
example Of powerful unprecedented eIo-
quence may be given in short answer Of
Curfen, the Irish orator, to certain Judge
Rohinson-lhe author Of many scurrilous
political pamphels-who upon one occa-
sion, when the barrIster was arguing case
before him, had the impudence to reproach
Curran with his poverty, by telling HIM that
he expected bls law library was rather con-
Hac,ed.
''Il is true, my lord" said Curran, with
dignifed respect, '.Ihal am poor, and the
circumstance has, certainly, somewhat cur
tailed my library. Ny books are no. nu-
merous, bu. they are select, and hope they
have been perused with proper disposition.
have prepared myself for ibis high profess
sion, rather by the study Of. a few good
works, than by the composition Of great
many bad ones. ] am not ashamed of my
poverty; but should have been ashamed OF
my wealth, could have stopped 10 acquire
it by servii.y and corruption. If rise to
rank, shall q. least be honest, and should
ever cease to be SO, many on example
shows me that an il-gained reputation, by
making me more conspicuous, would only
make me more universally and more nolo-
riouslv contemplate.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

A DIFFERENCE -"It is no. proper for
you to play school, my dear, to- day, for i,'s
Sunday" II know it, molher," replied the
little girl bu! il is Sunday school .ba, am
playing" @
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

HTa PAT TAUGHT HIS BROTHER SOL
DIERs1ANI sHs--'sN ow you see, my honey
the ssasng Spanish is jis. the sisies. thing
insirsy, especially if you have goad knowI-
edgenf your own mother tongue. Ye see
yer TAly to stick on the tail Of each word
o. u make the iIIgsn,es, Spanish in the
worl5. Fsi,, it bothered meseif, until go.
10 / low the like, and now have no ihrou-
ble sTlsll a, all. Now jis. step in here wild
me and see how sisy il is''
Slipping in to hat shop, Pat gave the
a'lesflan, the regular military salute
~ sarvice 10 your honor" sa
"Klenos dias, senor," replied the shop
man
"aave you any hattos 2" inquired Pat.
s'To en'iendo, senor," was the answer.
Dsuce a bit does The man understand his
o"is tongue-I say, hsblas EspagnoI ~
(dsybu speak Spanish :?
~, senor."
"yilI, thin, have you sny ha,,os -
seso enliendo Inglis, senor.
slh, you don'l understand English, is !,
90 poor ignorant cra,hur, must Try him
asW. say, mis,her hsblss Espsgnol."
VI, senor."
"si, and be hanged Have you any of
.hese ha,los - snd taking off his weather.
beaan palm leaf shock i. 10 the face of the
NJ sicsn. ...
'sih, 81, senor-sombrero -
g -ax your pardon-sombrero, is i, p
lis me that didn't understand my own
mlSer's tongue, the more shame till me :"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

A PLAIN SPOKEN WITNEss.-"Facls are
stubborn things" said lawyer to female
witness under examination. The lady re-
piled: eyes, Stree; and so are women
and if you get anything ou. of me, jus, let
me know ii :" "Y QUILL be commi,led for
contempt"
"Very we'll, Ill suffer justly: for feel the
ulmos, contempt for every lawyer present."
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

81 BELONG TO THE OLD CHuRcH."-Au
old lady up in Vernon, was asked BY q
young clergyman to wha. religious denom-
ination she belonged.
~ don't know" said she, "snd don't
care anything abou, your nomina,ions-for
my part hold on to the old meeting house."
A lady, disbeliever in The science, ask
ed learned phrenologis', with The view Of
puzzIing bim-"Wha, kind Of people are
those who have des.rucliveDess and benevo-
lence equally and largely developed ;"
''These, madam, ere the persons that kill
with Kindness" t... ..+
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

A SLIGHT INTERPoLATl - Doctor
Kichner, Of London musical no,orie,y. held
frequent evening conversaziones, and with a
view to decorum placed a small pIscard
over the parlor chimney-piece, inscribed.
'sCome at seven, go at eleven -
But George Colman, 10 whom such early
hours were an sbomination, one evening
took occasion, by inserting q small pro-
noun, 10 materially alter the reading;
'Come at seven, 60 it at eleven ~
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

yon s.er forget Ibis, cell on me, and I'll re-
turn i;le money"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

The skipping lamb, the singing lark, and
the leaping fish tell us that happiness is mol
confined in one place. God in his good
ness has spread il sbroad on the earth, in
he air, and in The walters Two oged wo-
men lived IN The same cottage; one was al
ways fearing a storm ond the other was al
ways look ng for sunshine. Hardly need ]
say which il was woro foIbidding flown
or which i, was whose face was lighted up
with Joy.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-11-08

How TO BE Harry will give you ,w o
or three good rules which may help you to
become happier than you would be without
knowing them j; bu, as TO being completely
happy, that you can never be ill you ge, to
heaven.
"The frs. is, 'trv your best to makroth-
ers happy" 81 never was bsppv," said .
certain king, ",ill began TO lake pleasure
in the welfare Of my people ; bu, ever since
then, in the dakes! day, have had sun
shine in my heart"
Ny second rule is be content with little :"
There are many good reasons for this rule.
We deserve but lille, we require bu. lil,e,
and "be,er is li.le, with the fear Of God.
than great treasures and trouble herewith" ;"
Two men were determined TO be rich, but
they Sc, about j. in different ways but the
one s,rove TO raise up his means to his de-
sires, while the other did his best To bring
down his desires TO his means. The result
was The one who coveted much was al wavs
repiniDg while he who desired but IItlle was
Away contented.
Nv third rule is, "look on The sunny eide
Of lhIngs.''
Look up with hopeful eyes,