The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1855-02-14

How Mr Pfpkin Blowsd Himself.

How Mr Pipkin Bowed Himself:
Bill Ppkin hadn't been married very
long. and hadn't got quite out Of the hebi:
OF taking little punch drinking trolics with
his old friends on particular occasions.
! lie was fustrate at maxim excuses for
stayin' out at nights; now and then he
was terribly pressed with business, and
as be took monstrous good cars to never
come cross legged, his wife never 'spected
nothin', and all went on fustrate. One
night Bill got rather more'n he could car
ry straight, but he didn't find il ou, till ne
was on his way home. He wouldn't have
Susan know he was in such si,evation
for all the world, and he began to think,
as wei! as he could. with his head spin.
MIN round so, OF what was best to be
done to keep her from findin' him out.
"Ilic-I-I've got it 'zackly, "sez he
.shic Susan, Susan knows I'm terrible
ffond Of mem-milk. Well, I'll just take
big hio-swig Of mem milk. and hic thet'll
fix it all rght--so sh-she'll never sus-
pect nothn'. poor gall
Home he went. t.praotisin' straig gh, walkin'
all The way. and s,udyin' over in his mind
how he would talk straight, so Susan
wouldn't find him out.
When he found the latch. which was on
the wrong side OF the door, that opened
the wrong way too, he felt around in the
dark for more doors than was in the house
| before. and got into ever so many curious
shaped rooms, till he found the pantry,
whar he 'spected 10 find some milk. He
didn't have no clear idea as to whar it
ought to be; SO, after feelin' about in every
place but the right one, be cum to the
conclusion to go up to his room an ak
mis- wife whar it was. The stairs seemed
room was changed places with the cellar
kitchen, but he made out at last to find
| the door.
Alter clearing his throat, and sayin'
over his speech, SO he wouldn't make no
mistake. he opened the door and tuck a
lean agin the door post and listened to
hear il his wife was awake. She was
sound asleep. /.ts
.All the better for that thought he to
himself.
.Susan!-Susan!' seq he, very low and
PLAIN.
'Eh!' sez Susan, just wakin' out Of a
doZe, is that you come home my dear,
so late-l--'
Susan, Susan!' seq Bill, not payin' no
attention to what she said, his head bein'
full of milk; .Susan!'
What. my dear?'
rs there any me milk in the house?'
sYes. my dear-but what in the world
Susan. Susan?'
What, dears 7r'-ss'.--->''--
.Whar is the milk?'
In the pantry, in the dinin' room, dear.
But you had better come 10 bed, now; il
is So
Bill didn't say word, but tuck some
terrible long steps in the dark. Heiound
tho dinn' room agin and pantry. but he
couldn't find no milk no whar. After
tryin' about five miniis. he goes up stairs
agin, and leanin' agin the door TO stedy
himself like. ax'd his wife agin-
Susan. Susan!' seq he very pertickler.
'Eh! what!' sez she wakin up agin.
.ls there any milk in the house?'
4 told you there was some milk in the
pantry. dear
Down went Bill agin. This time he
felt everywhar. and upset lots oi things,
maxim terrible racket among the croche.
ry, but dro, the drop Of milk could he
| find.
'Cuss tho milk sez he; .whar could
they puiit?'
| In mint more he was at the bed room
door agin.
Susan snuffed the snore short off in the
middle
WHAT seq she. sort of cross this time.
is ;har any milk in the house?'
Yes. told you'll
well. whar is il! sez he.
| Il told you on the shelf. in the pantry
in the dnin' room!' seq Susan. breakin
off into short mouthfalls of pretty loud
ltalic.
That sort o. skeered Bill, and put him
off his guard.
We'll. Susan sez he. is it tied up in
anything. or is ii layin' about loose?'
That was enough; the cat was out of
the bag. and no help for it. Mrs. Pipkn
was bright awake in a mint. and they
way Bill got q Caudle that night. was
enough to sober the drunkest husband in
creation. He never got corned agin-
and il was more'n year after, before he
could drink milk in his cofy, when his
wife was at the table.
!