Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-22
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UKeep your own secrets, ifyou have any.
~ More are drowned in the wine Gun than
in the ocean.
NJ He who puts off till by and bye, often
puts of forever.
~" "Take pinch OF snuff, Pompey?"-
NO. masSa, tank you; nose not hungry dis
time"
GFA man that boards riches and enjoys :hem
not, is like an ass that carries gold anc eats
thistles.
lT'Iou look as if you were beside YOURSELF
as 'he wag said to fop who happened 10 be
standing by donkey.
O'A California jrry, in suicide case, late
!y found this verdict: awe, The iurv' 6nd
that the deceased was Cooln
~ The "scene that followed" and "bee-
CARED description" has turned back and gone
10 seek an homes; livelihood.
qJ-A coffee house in Cincinnati has q sign
OF an inverted boot, as delicate hint to Gelin-
quent customers 10 "foot up"
a.EWhy is the ghost in Hamlet like pea.
cock!
Because he "could tale unfold"
DSocrates seeing scold;ng wife, who had
hung herself on an olive Tree, exclamed-"Ob.
that oil trees would bear such fruit!"
GTA drunken man was recently trying to get
a watctmnn 10 arrest his own shadow. He
complained that an ill looking scoundrel was
following him.
O'Flowers and fruits are always fit pres.
eniS flowers because they are proud asser-
lions that ray of beauty outvalues all the
utilities of the world.
0J"Well, Johnny, what kind of cake do
you like?" "Why, like sponge cake. and
pound cake, and plum cake and any kind of
cake but stomach ache"
O'"MisS can have the exouisite Measure
OF rolling tfe wheel of conversation around tina
axellree Of your Understanding few minutes
this evening - The lady tainted.
GRAN Englishmnn, paying an Irish shoe
black with rndeness, dirty uIchin, but a
wit, said: 'Nly honey, al the polish you have
is on your boots, and gave ii TO YOU"
h'T There is one reflection which must be
conSoling 20 the poor A African-,hat, however
reduced their circumstances might be, they
were never known 10 be without scent.
~ uhSSiH'oNu gOui IdtHCI 10 utduJ' S1lQ
a man to little boy, as he entered the house,
"You're right how, old hoSs," said he, "he's
lad out in pother room as cold aS wedge ="
| G'A western editor asks the following cues.
tlon:-'lfa fellow has nothing when he gets
married, and the girl has nothing, is her things
his n or his things her'n! We maintain the
negative.
p"Mike, said brcklayer to hi is holman.
"iI you meet trick. tell him to make haste,
as we are waiting for him. "Sure and will
replied Nike; "but what will | tell him if I
don't mate him!'
neT"IIave you dined?" said lounger TO
his friend. 4 have, upon my honor" replied
he. "Then," replied the first, "if you have
dined upon your honor, fear that you have
made but sc?nty meal
1JA first attempt at poetry reads thus:
The CLEAN of her ey, was bright:
The g'eam other gold was brighter;
| The first was a beautiful 81 ght;
The second was q beautiful sighter;
I5An Exchage, commenting on the singular
circumstance that a number of Cincinnati
young ladies' have recently been married and
carried away 10 other places, says no city las
better claim 10 supply spare ribs for the uni
verse.
READY TO PAY.-A nice young man, having
devoted himself to the special enteraiLm mt of
a company Of pretty girls for q whole evening,
demanded payment in kisses, when one of
them instantly replied: "Certainly, Sir, pre-
sent your WH!"
MA woman is either worth nothing, or
great deal. If good for nothing, she is not
worth getting jealous for; if she be true wom-
an, She will give no cause for jealousy. A
man is brute 10 be jealous of such woman
"a fool to be Jealous OF a worthless one, but
double fool 10 cut his throat for either OF them.
a LIVE IScIDENT.-At an assembage of o
few friends one evening lately, the absence OF
lady was noticed which was apoogized for
by an acquaintance, who stated that she was
detained by "llltIe incident" "Ah, yes"
exclaimed Mrs. Clatterbell, land beautiful
incident it was, too-weishs just nine pounds
and quarter"
G5Some New York paper says that a "far-
mer on Long Island has just ised cabbage
OF such eXrayagant dimensions, that he had TO
blast It with powder in order to get il fit for
crout. The outside leaves are 10 be dried 10
serve as horse blankets While the stalk will
take its place as pump opposite subU's tav-
tIh III ltIUpSleau.
GTThere is chap "deown east" who goes
in for suspending all debts, including the debt
O. naur, for twenty years. Another chap says
that if all the det-o majors are suspended SO
high that folks can't reach EN-, the yearh will
become so thickly peOpled that the crust will
break through, and we shall all come, ker.
splosh, right into the burning lazy underneath
u.s."
GJ-'FsctS are stubborn things said LAWYER
to female witness under examination. She
was one of the Lie breed, and answered.
'Yes, sir ee; and so are women, ard if you get
anything out Of me, just LEI me know it,
You'll be committed for contempt Very
well, I'll suffer justly, for feel The utmost
contempt for every lawyer precent.' She was
allowed 10 run."-Ne,o York Alias.
GTMy daughter shall never marry mechan-
ic with my blessing" answered q wealthy
father TO an honest Typos application for that
daughters hand in marriage, a number Of
years ago. The father has since died in poor.
house, ond the loo obed'ate daughter is living
on the charity OF her friends; while the once
poor Typo is now enjoying reasonable riches,
and has twice served his countrymen in Offices
oftrust and honor.-Moral Does money make
the e7Is2