Smyrna times., 1855-04-11
Dumorous Gpl5tlt,
OUT-OF THE, Way ASPECTS of LIFE
DOESTICK'S HAS HIS FORTUNE TOLD.
To The Editor of the N. Y. Tribune:

DOESTICK'S HAS HIS FORTUNE TOLD.
TO The Editor Of the N Y. Tribune:
RESPECTED SIR AS the appearance of my
humble cognomen in your journal conduces so
much to the qualification Of some of your Wall
street neighbors, have resolved, with your
leave, and for their especial delcctation, to in
dite letter now and then as special contri-
button TO your hospitablc coumns--thc first of
which is here offered for your consideration and
the pu5lIc's. Should it prove acceptable,others
shall tolow-and SO, without further prelude,
let me proceed to describe visit lately made
by me to a certain fortunc-teling den up-
town.
Since the memorable day of that visit my
destiny Is no longer mystery. | know it all
know what kind of a woman I'm to marry, how
many children we're to have, how manv will
die OF measles, mud how many will be choked
with the Group, and can calculate to quart
how much castor oil | shall have to Law i'm for
family consumption. Pve had nv fortune told
by witch. The witches of modern time do
not frequent graves and gibbets at midnight, to
collect the marrow of innocent babes, and
grease that's sweaten from the murderer's
gIbbet,' as choice ingredients for their incan-
tatIOns-they hold no nocturnal orgies with
dancing skeletons and corpses, brought by the
black art back to Temporarily lifc-.they now
a-days take no pains to conceal their trade, but
advertise it IN the daily papers. Their beliey-
I ers are not now the great men and wise women
OF the earth, but chamber-maids and servant
girls, who want love- powders to wiz some noble
swain, or some verdant countryman anxious to
recover some pilfered eelskn which contained
his treasured pennies. They easily satisfy
these guIhble customers, by promising the first
no end OF rich, handsome princes, who are TO
appear some day and carry of their brides in
tour-horse cOacheS and the latter by an eX-
tcmporaneous description OF the thiet, and a
wish that he may suffer pains in his head, heart,
liver, and all other important parts of his body.
until the property Is restored. Wtchcratt is
rife in our midst, and we do not hang or buru
the hags and beldames who practice 1t, or stick
them full of needles, or duck them in the horse
ponds, as in the days of good oil Salem-more's
the pity.
In this day of railroads and three cent stage
they have no occasion to perform their journeys
upon broomstlcks; and in our city, where cream
Is only tradltlonary, they cannot bewItch then
neIghbors' churnings, or throw their dire er
chantments over the incipient cheese-so the
protective horseshoe is of no avail.
They have robbed the trade of all its mys
terry and romance; we hear no more of might,
magian with hoary beard and flowing robe, will
magic wand and attendant spirits; no NOR,
"weid sisters" with talon fingers and sunkei
eyes not even romantic wandering gpsies-
but ugly women, with unwashed hands. VIII
can't spell. The calling has degeherated, an,
the necrOmantc trade has passed into the hand
of unworthy successors, who would steal thei
y living, if cheating wasn't easier. And tn
trade thrVes, and the swindling practicer
thereof fiaunt in silks, while honest virtu
o slaves off destitutiOn by making hickory
!, shirts at eight cents apiece.
9 For ut this time of triumphant and success
full humbug-when indiscrlminate puffery
freely used to boost into notice all kinds {
X sham, deception, and deceit, which thereupo
grow tat and thrIve--when vermin extermina
tors, luciter Matches and patent blacking en-
ploy such hlgh-tlown language in commend,
10 ton of their merits, that inventions of re,
y merit and Importance must resort to the base
e. bombast to keep pace with the foolery of the
~ neighbors-when solid merit which a0ouLd su
ceed, must vie in euphuistc phrase with bra
less emptiness which WiL--when, in Liter
10 ture, lnane collections of stolen wit, dilute
to humor, and feeble fiction are spawned in scor
be taom} weak'bralned fops and aspiring wume
n inflated by unsparmg puffery into o transie
i notorlety, and palmed upon the public as wor
he OF sterling merit-when even these Doesti
ed Letters are purchased and perused, it may ca
at ly be imagined that no impudent humbug,
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