The Empire County argus., 1855-10-20

DioulCb. All ullCOI Hdter OF Dutcnma0.
and an enthusiastic, persevering and ingenious prac-
tcal joker his unconquerable propensity to play off
his one-sided ests upon his Teutonic victims, has
made him well known in the neighborhood ; and
these peculiarites added to his love of alcoholic
stimuants, have not unfrequently got him into trou
BILE so serious as to call for judicial interference
He was never known to lose chance to crack q
malicious joke a Dutchman, or to let slip an op-
portunity to get drunk on those detestabe bevera-
ges known to the initiated by the alluring names of
''sone fence and "chain lightning" He rejoices
in the appellation of William Barlow, and is of
course, always called Billy Barlow, but whether or
not the identical individual of tattered wardrobe
celebrated in song, this deponent saith not
Whenever an unlucky spree or an unusually Sc
| rious joke upon some unfortunate German brings
him before the Court, he resorts to some novel and
ingenious expedent to shuu the wrath to come
He has successfully feigned insanity counterfeited
sickness begged off on account of death in the
family, and once got permission of the officer to
step the street to redeem his only coat from
a pawnbroker, when he slipped round the corner
and ineontinently vanished.
He was brought up this time for being drunk
| and pouring dirty water into Dutchman's pickle
barrel, after having kept him awake all night by
throwing paving stones on his roofand rolling emp
| ty barrels into his cellar-way. The same man said
that last week Billy started alarm of fire, ran
fo- engine 81, conducted the company to his house,
his wife, and sending all his floating furniture on
little experimental voyages through the lower
rooms.
On being brought before the Court, Billy sham
med deaf-no question, however loudly shouted by
the Judge, or roared by the Clerk would he hear
word Of He was however, always ready with
an answer which he generally contrived tc render
as irrelevant and foreign to the subject possible,
and at the same time when he did touch upon it,
so constructed as to throw all the blame of the affair
upon the unofending German.
Judge-What is this complaint against Mr.. Bar
low ?
victimized German Please your honors, dis fell
lers here he make mine roof NIT stones noise
dat cannot shleep. He comes to mine house all
day he scares mine vrow he makes mine chill
dren to cry de water from dere eyes he gets drus-
ted for mine lager, and den at night he blows mine
pig up nit gunpowder and puts de water in mine
sauer kraut so he schme worse as dam
Judge-Alr. Barlow, what have you to say to
| this
Billy, who had been regarding the Court with
great apparent attention. and with his hand behind
his ear evidently doing his utmost to catch the
words of the Judge, here made sudden movement
forward, contriying in so doing to tread upon the
Dutchman's toes, and hit his wife dig in the ribs
with his elbows and looking steadfasty at the JUS
tice, without smile upon his face, replied
| quite agree with your honor that he keeps bad
burn the bowels out Of any human, his whiskey is
damnable, and even his lager beer tastes like a
compound Of aloes soapsuds turpentine, tallow
and ditchwater
Judge said nothing about anybodys liquor
Billy--Just SO he charged me just the same.
Clerk--What are you talking about !
Billy Dt-zactly; he tried to tell me the same
story.
Judge-Hars you been playing your joke upon
this man not
Billy told him the very same words that you
did, your honor you id old pot-bellied Dutch
man, said I, go to the devil with your rum you're
Judge Silence!
Billy--Bloody scoundrel, and
Clerk--Stop your noise.
Billy-The most contemplate william in the
world and
Clerk-Either I'm fool, or
Blly--You know that.as we'll as do; SO said
again
Clerk--Keep still
Bllly-Shut up your black mouth If you dare
to open it again
Judge--rll commit you for contempt.
Blly--rll break your jaw with this bootjack.
Billy (to the Dutchman You hear what his
honor says !--youve got to 60 to the toombs. Now
you see the consequences Of interfering with re-
spectacle man. Good bye, Hans FL take care of
YOUR wife until you come out I'll forgive you this
tllDc lOr NV w
do so again (To the Judge) e)--Please the Court,
let me speak for Dutchy don't bear malice against
him let him off easy, your honor; don't send him
up for more than three months, and don't make him
work too hard.
Judge shall fine you SO, Billy, for being drunk
and disturbing the peace.
Billy (to Dutchman) ever mind, Hans, I'll
get you off yet.
Billy mere took the German into corner, and in
five minutes succeeded in convincing hin that he
was in danger of being sent to prison. and ultimate
" extracted from Hans pocket Sll, being all the
money he had about him. Billy then paid the Clerk
his fine and motioned the German out doors, who
departed, too happy even to escape at that rate
Billy now addressed the Judge
At any time your honor may have leisure
Judge-Tll send you to jail next time, sure.
Bill VI shall be happy to accompany you
Clerk--Go now you've said enough
Billy-To make unit on board my beautiful
scow-
Judge-Youll come to the Penitentiary yet,
Billy.
Billy--'Ina Pigsi."
Billy here departed, with wink to Policeman
1901, which convinced that worthy officer that
there are none so deaf as he who won't hear
y. Tribune,
SALMON IN THE SAN JOAQUIN. 1t is a remarka-
BILE fact that there are but very few salmon IN the
tributaries of the San Joaquin river TINS year
Many in these parts think the cause OF 1t Is the
steamboats, which are running between Stockton
and San Francisco. Every previous year the rivers