The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1855-05-11

his old manner Of gen(
the manner which had RkAI
me like a magic spell. : He -
it was my certain death / M
into. and he asked me affect

Z
was annoyed at his opposio*
the first time, his voice had no
me, for the first time his enffcx
dead on my ears. Scarcely he,o esrSia1
bert, scarcely seeing him, leal and C
cliffs the waves singing 10 meaka4ss a4ss.s
human voice when ! was suddenly
led back, Herbert saying TO mo 5es III
Paul. are you mad Do YOU ia
vii stand by and see you krllsy6urssl
lie tore me from the cliff. 1t wa
strain like physical anguish when / c6(
no ldngcrsee the waters. turned agal4 ID
aim sayagefy and tired to shals off his hs ~ y
But he threw his arms round me and ~ Il
me firmly, and the feeling Of eonstr4iStT-
OF Imprisonment, overcan1e my love-
could not bear personal restraint eve%l
from him. His young shglA arms seeno5A
like leaden chains about me he chanped
10 the hidcousness OF jailor, bis opposiiI&
love. to the insolence ola tyrant. callel
hoarsely to him to let me free hut III
still clung round me- Again / called q
again he withstood me; and then strhg-
gied with him. NY teeth were set fat =
my hand clenched, the strength Of a stTo
man was in me. seized him by the WI
as would lit a young child. and hurriN
him from me. God help me Il did a. >
see in what dire ton. ~
II was as if the shadow had faiten be. !
tween me and the sun, so that could see
nothing j.. its natural light. There way
/ no4llght and there was no color The sun
was as bright overhead as before /: the
grass lay Al my feet a5 cleaning as before
The waves flung up their sparkling showers;
the wind tossed the branches full ofleaver,
light boughs Of glttering gems, as it tossed
them ten minutes ago; but saw them
all ndistinetly now, through the veil the
mist Of this darkness The shadow was
upon me that has never left me since.
Day and night it has followed me day
and night its chill lay ON my heart. A
voice sounded Increasingly within me-
Murder and q lost soul, forever and for
everl'
| turned from the cliff resolutely, and
went towards home Not limb failed d
me, not moments weakness was on mes
| went home with the intention Of denounc-
ing myself as the murderer of my friend v
and | was calm because | felt that his
death would be avanged. l hoped for
the most patient degradation possible "a;
humanity. My only desire was to avenoe q
the murder Of my friend on myself. his
murderer; and | walked along quickly
that | migkt overtake the slow hours,
and gam the moment of expation.
went straightto 10 the masters roolnsrxs
He IN mo harc bly. ard ,~I~,.c
out OF his sight as he did Hhene ye2
came before him. | told him auihor;tatix@
20 listen 10 ne, RAD something to say =
him, and my manner, suppose, strE
linn, for he turned round to me again ~
told me 20 speak. What had | to say n
! began by stating briefly that Hert& kl
had fallen down Hagln's crag; and IN
was about 10 add that il was | who au1f
him down, though uninten.ionally-whe -
whether it was mere fain,ncss, to this q
do not know fell senseiess to
earth. And for weeks ! renamed SER
less with brain fever, from what was -
lleved the terrible shock my system had r
undergone at seeing my dearest ffieAf
perish SO miserably before my 6ySe
This belief helped much TO soften men J
hearts, and TO give me a place d xthcir &
sympathy, never given me before
When | recovered, that dark shxdoW
still clung silently to me and whenevsx& =
attempted to speak the truth--and thGH
secret always hung clogging on my tongn
the same scene was gone through -
before !; was struck down by 1L(fnviS1-
bic hand and required per force tosiI@s - ~ As
knew then that | was shut out from 80
piation as ! had shut myself out i
in my terrible deed Day anl
night, day and night always hAuut
with fierce thought Of sin. and striving
heplessly to express it.
| had come now to that time in my lie ]
when l must hoose profession. resql-
we'd TO become a physician from the feeEAl
ing OF making such reparation to hum6
ty as was able. for th elife had dsatsS r.
ed. | thought if could save life. III
could alleviate suffering, and bring bIcsssI
ing instead Of affection. that might somAs
what atone for my guilt. Ii not to th
individual, yet to humanity at large. N6k
one ever clung to profession with NOR
ardor than undertook the study d - =
dicine for it seemed to me my only
of salvation, if indeed that were yet.
slbe-a salvation TO be worked out
only by chaslisement and control Of
passions. but by active good among
fellow men
| shall never forget the first patient
attended 1t Was painful case. whcrS
there was much suffering and 70 ~
relationsio that poor mother above all--ss
l. y 4 4 4