New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1855-03-23

shell wherein to pack bis wife and bsbies until the
next annual drsggng-out
Those lucre- ekng msmmsls, known as land
oIds who build sberu acles for the housing OF sucd
as csnt afford to 20 ana do Likewise, have special
clause in the agreement with every tenant that dur
pg the period before mentioned the mistress Of the
house shall constitute herself an articulsiing adyer
ttenent, and descan. upon the elgibilities of the
msnsiOn to all who chance TO cali and denH her
services to show them the apartments which
means TO answer innumerable questions. 70 stand
tamely by while strangers poke .heur inquisiuve
hgure-beads into closets, store.rooms, cellars and
dorm tories make impertinent remarks aud turn up
their noses ct the Arrangements generally; to shut
ting TIE doors after them, and washing the prints OF
their fingers off the paint
No man ever gees " house-huntrg," unless ne be
newly married, have an invalid wife, or intends to
take iowerpriced lodging in cheaper ioca ty, with
out letting Matilda Jane know anything about it,
until he brings home the key. The women usurp
without opposition, this, TO them, pleasing duty-it is
their prerogstiye, AID be to the rash nan VINO
would 10y hi. sacre gious baud upon their inaeuable
right to explore annually the mysteries Of their neigh
boTs closets, smelling out there from, at single visit
conversational material ample and abundant for half
a-dOzen weekly sewing circles.
III DSre De bOout an uLiOItuDAIe man nOu-cnolQ
antiqated virgin, whose supposititious value
wife has been for years overlooked by an unappre-
ciatiIg world, whose disposition is acid and whose
charms traditional; in short if there be old maid
il the family she is invariably detailed for this voyage
of discovery. And it is asserted that of thee
good ladies experienced in the mater, will, in the
course of tour through any given house, no, only
take an exact inventory of the furniture, fni
It'll. 10 gr afgf hat art
tables ere solid mahogany only veneered aud
whether the crookeIy lie real China or spurious but
will be able to inform her neil oors what the
table for dinner and just how much WA left for the
servants; also the wages of the k'tchen-maid, and
whether the last gas-bll paid And the servant
girl Is the oicerone instead of the mistress the chances
are ten to one abe will know to An ounce how much
tea and sugar there is in toe house. how many pre-
serves and pickles. how many deser'-sp'ons' coat
scu,tes and hair brushes how many oits fOr the baby
and wi ether the MASTER Of the house pa's on clean
linen every day. or oniy three tines week.
These pryipg indiviiosls when bearded in
their own Gems by other people similar errand,
are the most cirobgng Of all the world and display
total lack that courtesy which they tax severe
y in others; civil questions are sTe-ed curly, or
not at all the remarks OF the yiitors snapped up
short con radicted if possible, and miscon'trued
any way; everything il 20 managed az to give poor
opinion OF ihe tenemen.tbe rs Mt ia made ort to be
enormous-he house uncomfortable and inconve-
nient-the landlord Jew, the locslity bad, the
neigbbors disagreeabe-s all imaginable inventions
are rosored to TO insure speedy termination OF the
visit and accelerate the exit of the questiorer fiom
the house.
A lady friend details some of the adventures of q
81; dal;, ,I Shp Ua
frightened from four DOORS where the words To Let
seemed 10 invite inspection of the premises, by the
exorbi,snce Of the rent suspecting that was
merely rrse of diseblging tenant, to deter her
from making any further explorations. At last,
CHANGING to come upon house where she received
an unwilling assent to her timid request to be sho wn
the apartments she had in addition, from the loqus-
cous lacy who accompanied her, full and authentic
history of the short comngs of her landlord for the
past year-how he would not put in ornamental gas
| fxures-would not make new back step after the
| children had made bonfire Of the old one-would
not make a fountain in the back yard, that the
little dears might get an occasional showerbath with
their clothes on-would not let her putup dog ken
mel and a hen house, and deduct it from the rent
would rot paint the house, according to her taste
(blue stars, green doors, and crimson windowsssh
and how she could not get him to do hundred
things which she plainly demonstrated he ought to
have done, and wouldn't. She enumerated all pos
sible ncor venences which could belong to house,
as being developed to perfection in that one-sat
the neighbors came home drunk and inside q row all
nigbt-the neighbors boys threw stones and broke
the windows. She made probable computation
of the number of rats and reaches in the house, and
wound up her hsrsngue with an interesting disgust
ton on the persistent domicliation Of the bed-bug
In other houses the result the same-sdes seemed
TO take q grim pleasure in describing the premises
they were about to quit terrene Purgatories, and
in painting the horrors thereof in glowing colors, by
way of genial welcome to the next residents.
This arnisble campaign go conducive TO the main
tfnsnce of a serene temper, ia now fairly Desln-'he
feminine folk have started upon their peregnnauon'
the Phiisnes be upon usbut let US consider their
intrusive visits and our reluctant hospitality az one OF
the many ills that city hesh Is heir to, and endure
their ouestionngs frgidy as the exciting nature oil
the circumstances will permit Let US be courteous
answering cvilly all legitimate inquiries, ou. sending
of sny person who transcends the bounds OF allow
able ipouisitoria license with al exceedingly resuVe
flea in his or Der curious ear.
Let ma endure the infection patiently; and as, IN
obedience TO memorable custom, we seek ne" hao'
itaon for our next years sojourn lie, US nope ths'
fortune may direct Us TO one with " all the modern
improvements" and humbly pray that the latter
may comprehend servants who won't abstract the
coal and candles, keep their poor relations In gro
ceries and butchers NEST from our private stores or
set the house on FIRE trying to get into the
at midnight.
O that some modern phianthropist, who wants to
immortalize his name would straightwsy invent some
kind of portable human habta ton, capable Of shell
tering man from the elements, and protecting him
from thi. TEARING pieces home associations