The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1855-08-16

the blood crimsoning my temples; then, as
quickly gathering at my heart, and choking me,
so that it seemed as if never should speak.
But pressed it back to its old channels, and
said, haughtily-
"That as my guardian he had the right to ad
wise me, even compel me, if need be; but moth
ing could give him the power to insult or mis-
construe me-"
Insult" he said, ooh, Miss Southmayd,
how sadly you misconstrue me! Listen" he
went on, sitting down beside me: ~ had
mother you were too young to know her worth
when you saw her, but worshipped her. She
wore her womanhood in such a way as to make
all her sex seem sacred in my eyes. My rever-
ence for her makes me exacting, where those |
love are concerned. | did not intend to be
harsh; if seem so, pray forgive me, for her
sake.n
His voice was tremulous with the emotion
that thrilled and glowed in his fine face, as he
spoke of his mother, and Il felt the tears
stealing down my cheeks, as bowed my head,
and murmured, "And l am motherless!"
"Do you think forget it, dear Eleanor?"
"Dear Eleanorl" Ny father had whispered
those words on his death-bed, and it must have
been that memory that made my heart tremble
and thrill thus, with q sense of unspeakable
happiness.
to take my hand, when the servant entered, and
placed in my hand magnificent bouquet of
dollhouse flowers, with
"Mr. Allingham's compliments for Miss
Southmayd."
My first impulse was to fling them in the
fire but before 1 could do SO, my guardian
had risen, an inexpressibe change came over
his face, and he said, coldly-
~ trust, Miss Southmayd, there will be no
necessity of our abiding to this topic again."
and left me alone. An, it was the same old
tone" You will do thus and so, Miss Eleanor"
Must somebody ever come between me and
glimpse of this mans heart? l would the
flowers and their giver had been in Paradise.
March 24h.-Margaret did you ever read
the wonderful tale of "Vathex?" And if you
have, do you remember the description of the
descent into the hall of Eblis, which seemed not
so much a descent by steps, as dreadful sense
of falling from one depth TO another?
For two days l have been faling-falling
from my faith in man-almost from my faith
in God wander in the hall of Eblis, and see
nothing but petrified forms of giant hypocrisies.
But let me make myself Ineligible, if | can.
Two days since, hearing from my dress-maker
that widow, who had done some plain sewing
for me since / came here, was i'll, started for
her dwelling, which was in the neighborhood of
Fort Hill. 1t was raw, sleety day, with such
q rasping wind as one feels nowhere save in
Boston; but feared neither wind nor weather;
so, wrapping my cloak about me, / threaded
with rapid steps the narrow, crooked, filthy
streets of that once aristocratic region. found
the woman occupying chamber in the attic of
what had once been fine dwelling but now old
and dirty beyond description, the shelter of
horde of Irish, Dutch, and French who still re-
tanned all their love for their national dishes,
judging from the various smells which greeted
me on the stairs. She was sitting up, and, in
Hoods words,
"sewng at once, with double thread
STROUD as well a Shirt
for consumption was rapidly eating her life
away.
Ah how mean and miserable and contempti-
bic seem our petty griefs and fancied wants, in
the face of such a scene Yesterday had been
vexed and disturbed for whole hour by an i'll
fitting dress and here was this woman, SILVER
ing in the cold, with scarce a whole robe to
cover her | felt mean in her presence-more
Inundated than i should in the presence of a
Queen. All, it is not that we who are rich are
unfeeling or selfish, that we so often neglect our
stewardship; but we are thoughtless and igno-
rant and INDECENT, and do not hear Gods voice,
saying, "where is thy brother?"
"Do not thank me, but God," said, hastily,
in reply to her words of fearful gratitude, for l
felt how little deserved them, and turned away
from the window.
AS l stood gazing into the narrow. street, l
saw "my guardian" enter the opposite house.
The widow saw him also, and, in reply to my
involuntary exclamation of surprise, said:
" 1t is a sorry sight to see one like him going
the downward road. My heart aches for him,
and his friends, if he has any,"
/ tnrDed unOn her with q look nf uttor eur
prise.
:" You may well look surprised, dear lady,"
she went on, for you are too good and too
pure to know aught of the iniquities of this
place. God keep you so. But look yonder"
My eyes followed the direction of hers, and
in a chamber, opposite where l stood, but a story
below, | saw my guardian standing, while fe-
male figure, whose face could not see, occu-
pied a chair by the fire.
"Frail as fair" murmured the poor widow,
betrayed and betraying. Miss Southmayd, if
you know that gentleman's friends, tell them to
pray for him as they never prayed before"
l could hear no more; l could not breathe
there; the atmosphere of the place seemed to
choke me, and | rushed from the house in
way that must have left no very strong impress
sion of my sanity. That he, my guardan-the
man who has unconsciously, and in spite of my
self, become the standard by which Judge all
other men-the realization of my dream of
brave and noble manhood-the man whom
might have loved-no, not that, but l would
have prayed that he whom | might love should
resemble him-to think that he should be the
thing know him to be-the meanest of all
created beings that crawl upon the earth-a
hypocrite did "not know dillingham;" for
soothl l did not know himi "Pray for himl"
Aye, yes, and for myself, too; but will any
prayer give back my lost faith and trust?
On and on l went, through the snow and
sleet, whittier or how far / cared not, so that
l could walk myself into a calmer mood; and
1t was quite dark when reached home. AS
entered the parlor, there sat Mr.. Summerfeld,
reading Tennyson's Princess aloud to his
sister, looking so pure and good and noble, that
for moment l doubted the evidence of my
own eyes; but then had seen him-I had seen
her. was tempted to snatch the book from
his hand, for it seemed dissertation for him to
mouth those divine words but, instead of do
ing that, like foolish child, l burst into tears.
Such a proceeding was so new for me, that
1t startled them. Susan sprung to my side, and
overwhelmed me with questions, as she remov.
ed my wet wrappers, flor | had come directly
to the parlor,) while Mr.. Summerfeld wheeled
an easy chair to the fire, and fixed upon me an
earnest, questioning glance. l could not hint
the truth to her l doubt even if / could have
done so by any effort, with those calm, deep
eyes looking thus upon me. Oh, that men can
thus steal the livery of Heaven to serve the
devil in )" and, so burdened my soul with
falsehood, and said
Nothing is the matter-nothing of conse-
quence, only | am very weary, and not very
well, think"
And no wonder to be ont in such weather