Anti-slavery bugle. [volume] (New-Lisbon, Ohio) 1845-1861, 1855-03-17
Miscellaneous
A QUAKER JUMPING A DITCH,

Hezekiah Broadbrim was a fat Quaker in the
State Of New Jersey, who had sold molasses, cod
fish, china, eqrthonware, clothes, and all sorts of
liquors. Welike the Quakers, in deed, as we'll rs
in name, and ITezekiah was a Hickory Quaker.
IIo was somewhat Of an old bachelor, and had Il
sister who was evil of an old maid But
she was the best creature alive; straight as a can
die, bl blooming rs n rose, and smiling rs charity
Her name was D0rcas.
Hezekiah and Durcas walked out one Sunday
afternoon in the blooming month of May, to breathe
the fresh air, and view the meadows. The walking
was smooth and delightful, with no manner of oh.
structions, except here and there n ditch full of
water, spawned by n few hedges, and too wide for
q man OF ordinary jumping capacity to cross it at
a single bound. But Hezekiah valued himself, as
tat people commonly do, on his agility and instead
of walking a few rods for the sake of a bridge, he
must needs leap every ditch he came to. $50.
"Theed better not try that, Hezekiah," said his
kind and considerate sister.
Never thee mind, Dorcas," replied l%leEckiah,
there's no danger; I've jumped a bigger ditch
when | wasn't half my present size.'
All that's very likely but recollect thce's
grown exceeding pursy since thee was a young
man ~
"Pursy! Well, if l have, that's no reason why
/ shouldn't be as agile as before; | tell thee,
Dorcas, | can jump this ditch without SO much as
touching a finger"
AYE, but thee'l touch thy feet to the bottom
"Thee's but a woman, Dorcas, and thy fears
magnify this ditch even to q river. Now stand
thee aside, that ! may have full sweep according to
my abilities"
may, brother IIezckiah, thee'd better not. The
ditch is wide and the bottom muddy-and thee'll
a~ssuredly spoil thy Sunday clothes, if no worse"
"Oh fudge for thy fears, girl they shall not
stay me ajot. Nay, do not hold me, for I'm re-
solved to jump this ditch, if it were merely to con-
vince thee of my agility"
Accordingly, Hezekiah went back q few yards,
in order that he might have u fair run, and that
the impulse thereof might carry him over. Having
retreated far enough, he came forward with a mo-
mentum proportioned to his weight and velocity
and found himself in the ditch. The water splashed
around on all sides, and ~bespotted the Sunday
clothes Of DJrcas, who could not, with all her Qua
ker sobriety and kind feeling, help bursting into a
loud laugh. There was IIezekiah. showing his
agility ~ and laundering in the mud like n whale
The water was not so deep as TO be dangerous
and the scene was too irresistibly comic for even Il
saint to abstain from laughing, though on the
Lords day.
at length, when her visibility would allow her
the power of speech, Dorcas kindly held out her
hand and aid" Come hither, IIezekiah, and III
help thee out"
"Well, we'll, returned the foundered, in a tone
of vexation-" thee does well, Dorcas, TO stand
there AMI laugh at meas though it were mere
sport to see me stick in the mud and water up to
my very middle
may, nay, IIezekiah, thee has shown thy agil-
iy so marvelously, that | could not help being
pleased for the life of me-and now | take shame
" HloOil iOA hdNihS OIpOcCu llCt % enormously
or for having a single moment doubted thy capacity
for jumping. But if thee's satisfied with thy ex-
plot, and ready to come forth, will lend thee a
hand to help thee out"
Thus saying, Dorcas drew near to the ditch-but
Hezekiah having got himself in by his unaided
powcr-d declared he would get himself out in the
same way. But the mud was deep and adhesive
and rs he got one foot out, he got the other in and
thus he continued to labor and plunge, till he was
fully satisfied his own ability was better calculated
tn hnlp him IN than 10 ha1D hir, nnt nf tho ditch I
lie grew wroth, and so far forgot the plain Ian
guage, that he exclaimed-"By"-
Don't thee swear, brother lIezekiah," inter
rupted Dorcas.
Swear % roared IIezekiah, "thee'd swear, too,
if thee was in here. :"
Swear not at all, UIezekiah, but even lend me
thy hand, and I'll use my ability to pull thee out,
according to the scripture, which sayeth, II thine
OK or thine ass fall into Il ditch on the Sabbath
day.
Now, sister, thee is too bad. Verify, thee
would not make me so heavy as the former animal
nor SO stupid as the latter"
Gas to thy weight returned Dorcas, "the
must be pretty well satisfied by this time-as 70
thy stupidity, it was indeed unsisterly to liken the
to the long cared animal. But if thee is satisfied
on those points, and will forthwith reach me thin
hand, III do as much as in me lieth to bring the
safe to land"
IIezekiah was pretty we'll convinced by thistime
that his own ability would never fetch him out
wherefore, humbly reaching out his hand to Dorcas
he said-"Nerily, sister, | will accept thy aid, in
asmuch as my own ability doth deceive me-"
Dorcas kindly lent him assistance, and by pull
ing vigorously, Hezekiah at length came to land
Shaking off the mud and water like a spaniel, h
returned home, but charged his sister, by the way
never to mention how he came to his catastrophe
Dorcas promised, of course, and as she was a gil
of truth and kind feeling, she was as good as he
word. But, once or twice, when they were in con
pany with sundry other Quakers, discoursing YER
soberly, Dorcas looked archly at another girl, an
merely said
did | ever tell thee, Rachel, how brother Hei
ekiih, one Sunday
iIezekiah turned an embarrassed and ~implorin
look towards her, and she said, Nay, nay, IIez'
kiah, I'm not going to ~tell-merely TO ask if | eve
told how thee showed thy agility one Sunday, an
jumped into the middle of a ditch"