Kenosha tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1855, 1855-06-21
Dir. sparroygrass' Country Experience.

satisfaction Mr.. SparrowgraSs accounts OF
experience in country life He gives anoth-
er chapter in the June number. The fol-
lowing is one of his adventures:
We have put a dumb waiter in our house.
A dumb waiter is good thing to have in
the country, on account of its convenience
I Ii you have company, everything can be
/ sent up from the kitchen without any troub-
lie, and if the baby gets to be unbearable, on
account of his teeth. you can dismiss the
complainant by stuhing him in one of the
shelves, and letting him downupon thehelp.
10 provide for contingencies, we had all our
floors deafened. In consequence, YOU can
not hear anything that is going on in the
story below; and, when you are in an up
per room of the house, there might be a
democratic ratification meeting in the cellar,
and you would not know it. Therefore, if
any one Should break into the basement, it
would not disturb us; butte please Mrs Spar
rowgrass, put stout iron bars in all the
lower windows. Besides Mrs. Sparrowgrass
bought rattle when she was in Philadel
phla; such rattle as watchmen carry there.
This is to alarm our neighbour. who, upon
the signal, is to come to The rescue with his
revolver. He is rash man, prone to pull
trigger first, and make inquiries afterward.
One evening Mrs S. had retired, and
was busy wiring, when it struck me glass
of ice water would be palatable. So | took
a candle and the pitcher, and went down
to the pump Our pump is in the kitchen.
A country pump, in the kitchen, is more con-
veEient; but well with buckets is certain
ly most picturesque. Unfortunately, our
well water has not been sweet since it was
cleaned out. First bad 10 open bolted
door that opens into the basement hall, and
then wentto the kitchen door, which PROV
ed TO be locked. Then | remembered that
our girl always carried the key TO bed with
her, and slept with it under her pillow
Then | retraced my steps, bolted the base
ment door, and went up in the dining room.
AS is always the case, found when could
not get any water, | was thirstier than [
supposed | was. Then | thought would
wake our girl up. Then concluded not to
60 it. Then | thought of the well. but
gave that UP on account Of the flavor. Then
| opened the closet doors, there was no wa
ter there; and then | thought of the dumb
wai,erl The novelty of the idea made me
smile; | took out two of the movable shelves,
stood the pitcher on the bottom OF the dumb
waiter, got in myself with the lamp; letmy-
self down, until supposed was within a
foot Of the floor below, and then let gol
We came down SO suddenly, that was
ssIos oss Of tho aperture as If il had iheen a
catapult; it broke the pitcher, extinguished
the lamp, and landed me in the middle Of
the kitchen at midnight, with no fire, and
the air not much above the zero point. The
truth is, had miscalcu!ated the distance of
the desccnt--instead Of fallingone footI had
fallen five. My first impulse was, to ascend
by the way came down, but found that
Then | tried the kitchen
door, it was locked; tried to force it open
it was made of two-inch stuff, and held its
own. Then | hoiS!ed window, and there
were the rigid iron bars. If ever felt an
CRY at any body it was at myself, for put
ting up those bars to please Mrs. Sparrow
grass. put them up, not to keep people
in, but to keep people out.
| laid my cheek against the icc-cold bar
riers and looked out at the sky; not star
visible; it was as black as ink overhead
Then | thought of Baron Trenck, and the
prisoner of Chillon. Then | ma lie noi>e
| shouted till was hoarse. and ruined our
preserving kettle with the poker. That
brought our dogs out in full bark, and be-
tween us we made night hdeous. Then
thought heard Il voice, and listened; it was
Mrs. Sparrowgrass calling to me, but the
internal dogs united with howl, and growl,
and bark, so as to drown my voice, which
is naturally plaintive and tender. Besids,
there were TWO boiled doors and double
deafened floors between us; how could she
recognize my voice; even if she did hear it?
Mrs Sparrowgrass called once or twice, |
and then got frightened; the next thing |
heard was sound as IL the roof had fallen
in, by which understood that Mrs. Spar
rowgrass was springing the rattle! That
called out our neighbor, already wide awake; /
he came to the rescue with bull terrier,
Newfoundland pup, 3 lantern, and arevolv-
cr The moment he saw me at the window I
he sho: at me. | threw myself under the .
kitchen table and venturcd to expostulate
with him, but he would not listen to reason.
In the excitement had forgotten bis name, |
and that made matters worse. 1t was not
until he had aroused up every body around, /
broken in the basement door with an axe.
got into the kitchen with his cursed savage
dogs and shooting-iron, and seized me by I
the collar. that he recognized me. and then. |
he wanted me to explain i'll But what kind I
Of an explain alton could make to him! II
told him he would have TO wait until my
mind was composed, and then would let |
him understand the matter fully. But he l
never would have had the particulars from .
me-, for do not approve Of neighbors that
shoot at you, break in your door, and treat
You, in you in your own house, as if YOU
were a jail-bird. He knows all about it.
however--somebody has told him-sonae- I
body tells everybody everything in our vii 7
lage. /
The STATE FAIR.--We learn from Geo. I
0. Tiffany, Esq, Secretary of the State
Agricultural Society, that the annual State
Fair will be held at Milwaukee, the Sd, 9TH
and 9TH of October The citizens of that
place have subscribed $500 for the OBJ /
jects of the Society, which is The highest
offer made by any place in the State
hudson argus.