Daily American organ. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1856, 1855-07-25
Feeling His Humps.

Our neighbor, Col. S., tells capital story
Of certain wag in Erie, Pennsylvania, jolly pub
lican, who contributes good deal to the life of
that pleasant, but sumetimes very obstinate bor-
ougb. One morning a travelling phrenologist
arrived at his inn, and took lodgings The next
day in the village newspaper appeared an adver-
tisement stating that Prof B had arrived in
Erie, and would make, "for a consideration" ex-
animation of the heads of citizens, and accompany
the same with accurate, reliable charts of charac-
ter. For two three days the calls were sparse !;
but ON the fifth day there rush of five or six
to the apartments Of the Professor. One morning
countryman entered the inn where the phreno-
logi't had his rooms and said to our landlord
aforesaid:
els this the place where the phrenologist holds
out who can tell mans karacter by the bumps
onto his skull"
Eyes replied Bonihce, with reserved and
dgniied manner"
"Wal, want my potato-trap looked into lit
tie. Where's the man?"
~ am the man" said the landlord
ooh! you be, eh? Wal, put in. Feel o my
Jumps, and gin us map. What's the swinde ?"
"There is no swindle, SIR Phrenology is a
science, sir, liberal science"
"Oh, yes 'xpect so but what's the price for
fselin' feller's head?'
Zone dollar, with chart"
oval, goit. What do du? Lie down, or sit
up? Does 1t hurtp"
"Not in the least, my dear sir. Take your seat
in that chair"
There were four or five morning loungers in the
tavern, who checked laugh as the countryman
took his seat, having first, as requested removed
his coat, vest, and neckcloth. The wag of a land
lord ran his hands through the hair of the patient
for moment, and then said to his bar-keeper--
"Mr. Flipkins, take sheet of paper draw four
lines down its whole length, and put my figures
under the heads mention In Won
It was done.
:" Have you got il ?"
Eyes; all right"
every WELL"
And the landlord went on with his examination,
which was rather rougher perhaps, than there was
any necessity for.
"Put down Philoprogenitiveness, sixty"
Every well; Reverence, two"
Booked, sir."
Combativsness, two hundred"
What's that!" said the victim
ono matter, sir, youth see it on the chart"
"Caution, one"
"Credulity, four hundred"
"What's that last lump - asked the patient
"Never mind, now; you'll understand it by and
by. And now, Ito the barkeeper,) Mr.. Flipkns,
you've put in these separate columns, as usual ?"
Eyes, sir"
Every well add 'em up!"
add 'em u-u-p-p! exclaimed the phrenologi-
oil subject; is that the way you do"
"Of course! How else could we get your
balance of mind-of intellect?"
"Wal, so ahead"
How does 1t Daboll, Mr.. Flpkinss"
'The three columns are equa-they foot up
precisely the came"
The landlord looked soemnly and sympathizing-
ly towards his subject.
(" 1t is strange" said he, "but it is so. Phreno-
logy never lies. You have no predominant char
acter sir you have no intellectual status; you don't
know anything, sir. Excuse me- sir; but must
state the truth whether you take the chart or not
bat sir If there's any truth in phrenology, you are
a cursed fooll Under the circumstances sir,
can scarcely expect you to desire to keep the chart
which you have contracted for that is a matter
Of small consequence, it will be valuable illus
traton of an unique species, which can use in all
my lectures, hereafter. authenticate all my lee
lures sir, with real name and residence. The
charge Of deception in science is one which was
never brought against me, sir, and never will be,
sir-never
ooh never mind, give US the map" said the
subject; "here's the swinde, for it is a swindle
but I'd rather pay it than to have you goin around
the country maxim fool Of me everywhere else,
as you have here you blasted philoprogentive
humbug you'll"
With this explosion, the subject retired.