Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1855-07-19
EVENING STAR,
FEELING HIS BUMPS.

Uur nelghbor, Colonel 5, tells a capital
story of a certain wag in Erie, Penn, a Jolly
publican, who contributes good deal to the
life of that pleasant, but sometimes very obsti.
nate borough. One morning, a travelling
phrenolOgist arrived at his inn, and took lodc-
lngs. The next day in the village newspaper
appeared an advertisement stating that Prof
B. had arrived in Erie, and would make
g for a consideration, examination of the
heads of citizens. and accompany the same
with accurate, reliable charts of character
For two or three days the calls were sparse;
but on the fifth day, there was a rush Of five
or SIX to the apartments of the Professor One
morning countryman entered the inn where
the phrenOlogist had his rooms and said To our
landlord aforesaid:
" Is this the place where the phrenologist
holds out, who can tell mans karacter by
the bumps onto his skuIl1'
Yes, answered Boniface, with reserved
and disnifed manner.
"Wal. / want my potato-t trap looked into n
little. Where is the man 90
. am the man." said the landlord
"Oh You be, eh Wal, put in; feel O nv
Jumps, and gin US map. What's the
g There is no swindle, sir; phrenology is a
science, sir-a liberal science"
Oh; yes-xpcct SO; but what's the price
for feelin' feller's head?''
lone dollar, with a Chart
" Wal, 20 1t; what do du lie down, or
sit up Does il hurt p;
q Not in the least, sir; take your seat in that
chair
There were four or FIVE mOrning-lounger in
the tavern, who checked laugh, as the coun-
tryman took his seat, having first, as request
ed, removed his coat; vest and neck-c,oth
The wag OF landlord ran his hands through
the hair of the patient fcr a moment, and
then said to his bartender.
Mr. fHpklns, take a sheet of paper, draw
our lines down its whole length, and put down
my figures under the heads mention to You. -
1t was done.
Have you got II p
Yes; all right
every we'll"
And the landlord went on with ms exam;-
nation, which was rather rougher, perhaps.
than there was any necessity for.
Put down PhllO-pr0genitiyeneS, Sigfy|
Down, sir. -
Very well; Reverence, two"
Booked. sir.''
CoIabativcness, tuo hxudred -
hats that ?" said the victim
. 40 matter, sir; you II see il on the chart.
Caution. care; Credulity, foUr hURdred 80
what that last lump" asked the va
ticnt.
Rercr mind, now; you'll understand it
-and-by. Aad now, It, the bar-keeper,)
Mr.. Fipkins, you'y put in these separate col
umns, rs usual!''
- e.. sir,
Very well; adj EN- up"
" Ad3 en- a. app" exclaimed the rhren-
oiogicai subject "a is that the way you ,io?''
"Qt C-0-~-y-S-e! How else could we get
your balance oi lninj-of intellect -
Wal. 60 ahead -
How does it daboIl, Mr.. Flipkins?''
Lhe three columns are equal-.hey foot
up precisely TIC same -
The landlord locked sOlcmnly and sympa-
thizingly towards his subject
= 1t l. very strange, said ne, "but 1t IS So
fhrenolUgy never lies. You have 40 pre-
dominant character, sir; you have no intel
lectual stairs 3; you don't know anything. sir
Excuse inc, sir but must state the truth
whether you take chart or not: but, sir, if
there Is any truth in phrenOlogy; y0m are a
c"rStd J00t' Under the circumstances, sir,
can scarcely expect you to desire to keep the
chart winch you have contracted for that is
matter OF small consequence, as it Will be a
valuable illustration of a unique species which
L can use IN MY lectures hereafter. 1 authen-
ticate all my lectures, sir, with real name and
residence. The charge of deception, in sci
enoc, /: ono which was never brought against
me, SIR, and never sriW be. sir-1seCer 20
''Oh. never mind give Us the map said
the subject; here's the swindlc, for il IS n
5WiEdlo but Ia rather pay it than to have
you goln' around the country maxim a fool Of
me everywhere else, as you have here, you
blasted phiiCprOgenitive humbug, you -
With this explosion, the subject retired.