Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1855-03-07
ITEMARIAN.s:s. s.:

alone is incapable Of expressing wit.
- Somebody in describing beautiful Ia
dy, says, ssshe has face painter might dwell
upon.'' Rather a broad face, that!
tx laundering big lie,'' is now render
ed ':a Illuminating enlargement of elongated
veracity."
- The man who undertook to blast his
neighbor's prospects, usedtoo short fuse and
got blown up himself.
Boy, why did you take an armful of
my shingles on Sunday?'' ssWhy, sir, mother
wanted some kindling wood, and didn't want
to split wood on Sunday
care these rooms to let rs said po-
lite gentleman to handsome young lady,
ssYeS, SIR ssAnd are you to be let with thcm?''
'sNo, sir! Fn TO be let alone 20
- s'I say, Jim, what mechanical work did
you do first ?' asked one darkey of another
ssWhy, cut teeth, oh course, = replied the 9TH
or, instantly.
- An editor down South, who had served
fonr days on the jury, says he's so full of the
law that it is hard to keep from cheating some
body.
- That man who is afraid to make an en-
emy, or is afraid of his enemies when they
come ready made, as come they viii, is not
made of quite the metal to cut his way through
this world.
- An Irishman in Worcester, Mass, who
had been fined several weeks in succession for
getting drunk, on Saturday night coolly pro-
posed to the judge that he should take him by
the year at reduced rate.
An editor iii Iowa has discovered that
there is a war in Europe, of some kind, but
what they are fighting about he don't know
He is no worse off than a good many other
folks.
- Mrs. Partington says that nothing de-
spises her so much as to see people, who pro-
fess to expect salvation, go to church without
their purses, when recollection is to be ia
ken.
- NY DEAR said an aifcctionate spouse
to her husband, sam not your only treasure p
ooh, yes, was the cool reply, sand would
willingly lay it up in heaven What an SIN
sinuating' wretch!
- The following is given as the new mode
of parsing down East:-SI court. Court is
verb active, indicative mood, present tense,
and agrees with all the girls in the ncighbor-
hood.''
- A wag said:-ssWhen my wife was very
sick L called Allopathic physician; she got
no better. then called Homepath, and she
ssmended,' little. One day ne broke his leg,
and couldn't come at all; then she got welll'
- The gentleman of Walthan, Mass, are
enjoying the luxury of female barber. She
is young, pretty and keen. She operates, it
is coniectured, like choIoroform, so that when
she shaves a man he fancies himself kissed.
- ssMargary, what did you do with that
tallow Mr.. Jones CREASED his boots with this
morning?'' ssPlease, marn, baked the grid
die cakes with it, '.Lucky you did Miss,
thought YOU had wasted it's
- Visiting cards, with the likeness, in
stead of the engraved name, are really TO be-
come the thing in Paris. Persons of undoubt-
ed fashion have taken this new fancy under
their patronage, and on New Years Day made
their calls by heir portraits in photograph.
- Two lovers stood upon the shore Of
Massachusetts, Bay, bidding a sad farewell be-
fore Seth tore himself away; ssI'H marry you
when I come back, my Sally Ann," says he;
and then he took little SMACK and went away
to sea-
- It is fact, that some girls don't know
kisses are sweet, Kissing pretty one, the
other day. she innocently asked, ssWhat is the
use of it--and what good does it do?" ssAh,
Miss said we, sEwhat's the use of licking
'lasses.'
- The Boston Bee of Thursday says: SIN
the House yesterday, an order was passed in
structing the committee on Constitutional
Amendments to report a bill to prevent Ro-
man Catholics from holding an office under
the Government of the state ofMassachusetts.
- esWall," said soft-hearted blGbbering
Jonathan, the other day. esSuke has gin me
the sack, by gravy. I've lost her." sLost her;
how2" inquired his sympathizing friend. sI
laid the soft soap on to her so thick, that the
critter got soproud she wouldn't speak tome.''
- A lady, one night at party, was much
by the impertincnt remarks Of q cox
comb who sat near her; at length becoming
tired and vexed, she said, ssBe pleased sir, to
cease your impertinence." The fellow was
astonished at SO Sudden rebuke, and could
only reply, 'sPray, Miss, do not eat me, - s'Be
in no fear,'' she replied, 81 am Jewess, and
don't eat pork
We once read an anecdote of a very
diminutiye child, which by the way made con-
siderable noise. One day the fathers patience
having become exhausted with its crying,
a ba ssand make 1T he