Star of the Kanawha Valley. [volume] (Buffalo, Va. [W. Va.]) 1855-1856, 1855-12-12
! Speech ofzatharlah Spencer.

On the question, (which enioysthe
greatest amount Of happiness, the
bachelor or the married manl''
Mr.. President and Gentlsmen-I
rise TO advocate the cause Of the mar
ried man. And why should I not!-
| claim to know something about the
institntionI do. Will any gentle.
man pretend to say that / do not!-
Let him accompany me home. Let
me confront him with my wife and
seventeen children, and decide.
High as the Rocky Mountains tow
er above the Mississippi valley, does
the character ofthe married man tow
er over that Of the bachelor. What
| Is a bachelori What was Adam be.
fare he got acquainted with Evei-
What but a poor, shiftless. helpless.
insignificant creaturel No more to
be- compared with his aforeself than
. nlill-dam to the great roaring cata.
ract Of Niagara. [Applause.
Gentlemen, there was q time, /
blush to say it, when | too was q bach
elor; and . more miserable creature
YOU. would hardly expect to fnd.--
Every day ! toiled hard, and at night
| came home to my comfortless gar
ret mo carpet, no fire, no nothing.
Everything was in q clutter, and IN
the words Of the poet: II
Confusion was monarsh OF ali I surveyed"
Here lay Q pair of pants, there q
dirty pair Of boots; there q dirty play
ball, and here a pile Of dirty clothes.
What wonder that / took refuge ct
the gaming table and bar-room. |
found it would never do, gentlemen.
and in a lucky moment vowed tore
form. Scarcely had the promise part
bed my lips, when q knock was heard
at the door, and in came Susan Simp-
kins after my dirty clothes.
,"Mr. Spicer," says. she, '.Iye wash
cd for you six>months, and ~ havn't
seen the first red cent in the way II
payment. Now I'd like to know what
YOU are going to doabout it?''
lfelt in my pocket book. There
was nothing in it, and knew it well
enough. efEt#.
miss Simpkins." said I, sits no
use denying it, | hav'nt got the pew
ter. | wish fory sake | had.
II''Then," said she promptly,"I don't
wash another rag for YOU"
31"Stop," said |, "Snsan, will do
What | can for yon. Silver and gold
have ! none; but ifmy heart and hand
will do, they are at your service Fl
t'Are You in earnestl n says she,
looking suspicious. Fl
Never more so" saysI.
s'Then,' says she. ''as there seems
to be no prospect Of getting my pay
any other way, I guess I'll take up
with your Offer"
III Enough said. We were married
in a week; and what's more, we hav'nt
had cause to repent it. No more at
tics for me, gentlemen. Live in q
good house, and have somebody to
mend my clothes. When was d
poor miserable bachelor, gentlemen,
| used to be as thin as a weasel. Now
| am as plump as q porker.
In conclusion, gentlemen, if yol
want to be poor. aged fellow, with
out a coat to your back, or Q shoe to
your feet; ifyou want to grow old be-
fore your time, and as uncomfortable
generally, as a hedgehog rolled up
THE wrong way" advise You to re-
main bachelor; but if you want to
live decently and respectfully, gel
married. I've got ten daughters,
gentlemen (overpowering applanse)
and you may have your pick. +,
Mr.. Spicer sat down amidst long
continued plandits. The generous
proposal with which he concluded,
secured him FIVE sons-in law.
49, II. EsH4lf Ef }Es4 f&Sk tteG -