The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1855-07-04
000s an6 Qtn0s.

1o(oSAOoo 40 W ~
much they remembered of his comments
he might ascertain who were the brigh
boys sof the school. On one o~ccasio,
he read from tho book of Job thus
There was a man in the land of Uz
and his name was Job, who feared Co
and eschewed evil Eschewed evil
that is he eschewed evil As I do tobac
co-he would have nothing to do Will
it." with this very clear and forcibl,
calculation of the word "eschew," hi
proceeded, until a number of verses
were read and commented on in a SINH
lar clear and intelligent manner.
After a long interval, when the young
mind had timc to digest its food, the
pedagogue called upon one of the young
est boys, and the following dialogue en-,
sued
"Who wasthe man who lived in Uz?''
sob"
"Has he a good man?"
yes"
"What did he do?"
"Ee cheaccd tobacco ao4cn nobody else
could haze nothing to ITO 10ith it!"-
was Bob Holmes answer.
The boy was permitted to take his
seat.
Ono of orr friends was being
shaved at Antwerp. The barber was a
female. What was his surprise, when
he saw the good lady spit into the box,
and besmear lis face with tho foaming
saliva.
An EXPRESSIVE grimace did not escape
the she barber.
"My dear sir" said she, ri don't
treat you as 1 do my other customers,
because I perceive very well that you
do not belong to these parts"
"By Jupiter ! Madam, what do you Go
in their case?"
~Why Sir, I spit on their cheek, in
stead of splitting in the soap box"
IA poetical baker, whose imasin-
aticn seems to have moro flower than he
needs for his business, advertiscs ga
LOVING LOAF" the great salient quail
ty of which it seems to be that it con-
sists of nothing but "Kissing-Crusts
He recommends it as being "highly di-
~gestive," being made of none but the
very best "crumbs of comfort" and he
declares it to be "the fttest ornament
for any Board, household, or otherwise,
that is in the habit ofquarreling." The
advertisement winds up by saying: This
loaf should be on every married mans
table"
SHORT LECTURE TO You've LADIES'
Have \ good piano, or none. Be sure to
have a dreadful cold when requested to
+'favor the company" Cry at q wed
ding. Scream at a spider. Never leave
your curl-papers in the drawing-room.
Drop your handkerchief when you are
going to faint. Mind you are engaged
if you don't like your partner. Allure
on a wet day. It's vulgar to
know what there is for dinner. Nuts
are bad if you are going to sing. New
er see a black coat as long as there is a
red one, and always give the preference
the elder brother. Get married at
ST. Georges, if you can-at all events,
get married.
WOODEN NUTMEGs OUrDoNE.-Therc
is Partisan dandy, who, VIC think, rather
outdoes Connecticut:
C--had at his residence a complete
costume groom. When offering an at
tention to one of the fair sex, he used to
say "Permit me to send you a bo-
Iuet by my black servant"
He then repaired to his garnet: took
his blacking bottle, polished his
face and hands, and knocked at the la
dy's door.
"Herc,n he said, "are some flowers
sent by my master to Madame"
He had spent the last five france in
the purchase. Madame vas so delight
ed with the present that she presented q
to the bearer.
That is a clear pocketing of three do
lars and a lady's favor into the bar ain.
Maternal DIscREErNEss.--Travcl-
a few days since, from Niagara Falls
to Rochester, by rail, the train being
at a station, I noticed a very dig
niied but anxious looking countenance
the car the possessor, a wo-
man, after making a choice selection ofa
seat, appeared perfectly composed and
comfortably situated for the journey
[ thought nothing more of the circum-
until my attention was attracted
by a sudden, quick movement on the
part of the same female toward the door,
screaming to the conductor, "Oh dear,
you wait two or three minutes,
till I run up to the hotel and get my
baby? Ifogot all about it,"
EA profound writer in the Will
IN. C.) Herald says: Glove
in the moon, for she shines in the night,
to give us light in the dark, u0hereas the
sun onIy shines in the daytime, aohen
here is plenty Of light, and has assist
znce as not a0anted" Sir Boyle Roche
could hardly have beaten that. -
EThe Celestials have a queer way
Of disposing of the persons of their pris-
l. " - A