The Empire County argus., 1855-12-01

me chance to give them tother fellows that sail
under the above colors hit
There are seventeen different species Of the above
article but they all come under one genus, known
as the "slumgullions' of creation.
No. is the man that would lay right down in
the sand and kick out his existence, rather than
follow some useful occupation. He will twist
around, squrm, follow after, and bend not only the
pregnant hinges of the knee," but the whole leg,
from the hip down, in order to secure the smile of
some man who can probably give him Office or
deputyshp, that will enable him to keep soul and
body together and wear standing collar.
No: is composed of that class of individuals
who live OFT the prostitution of the opposite SEX
There is no use of being mealy -mouthed about it,
as it is well known that there numbers of men
around us, frequently passing current for good
article, who live either directly or indirectly iu
that way.
No. 3 is he who comes entirely from the shoul-
der, and goes around the country Dragging all the
time that God Almighty has made him stronger
and broader across the shoulders than other people,
No. is the man that fights with No. 3.
No. 8 is the poor, miserable gambler, who trots
around from one little town to another with pack
of greasy cards in his pocket, in the hope of swim
ding some drunken fool out Of little gold dust
No. is the man who perches himself night
after night on big box, and saws away on an old
fiddle or guitar for lot Of iaded 'nymphs' and
broken down "sports." Some of the finest looking
men in the State are engaged in that business.
No. 7 is generally composed of those who make
practice of hanging around gambling shops and
temples of pleasure.
No. 8 is he who is willing to sacrifice his life, his
fortune and his sacred honor, and everything else
he has got besides great deal that he has not got,
in order to benefit the dear people
The rest Of the Nos. are all mixed Up with the
above in such a manner that it is utterly impossi-
BILE to classify them. Suffice it to say that they are
all leSS toip+ol bo
come perfectly rotten. AS we occupy neutral
position between them and the rest of mankink, we
claim the privilege of making few remarks
Stand up here you pusillanimous regiment of
non-producers. and receive your sentence in the
commonest kind OF prose, on sheet of foolscap
that only cost two cents. Vile fungus on the tree
of liberty, how are you! How do you come on,
anyhow! What do you think of yourselves on an
average! What do you think you would bring by
the dozen IL you were put up at a Cheap Johns
adjustment! Four bits apiece would be running
heavy risk, and fellow would not be safe in
buying you by wholesale, as in all probability you
would spoil on his hands. You say that every man
has his price, and that the world owes you living,
anyhow Suppose every man in the world agreed
with you, what kind Of world would we have
then! suppose every man would borrow a shirt,
wrap himself up in coldly repellant cynicism,
plant himself on the corner of the street, look out
of the corners Of his eyes, curl his under lip, and
swear that all mankind were nothing but pack of
thieving, cowardly villains In that case there
would not be any streets to loaf on ; nobody could
borrow shirt from somebody, because everybody
would be waiting for somebody else to make the
shirts no individual would have any show to get
free lunch, as every fellow would be waiting for
t,other fellow to fetch it out. Nobody could go to
the circus or menagerle, and see em ride around on
the ponies, and see the guyascutis and elephants,
for there would not be any body left to get up
these tblnUS' Oh nncbbpply nrtic1nS
galvanized specimens Of humanity.-you burlesques
ON the world you amt of any account! Tear
Oft those shining vests, and expose your insdes,
and give us chance to see how you are got up
Give us good hearty laugh, and let's see if it has
the clear, honest ring of heart sound to the CEN
tre. You can't do it! AS well might the tuneless
owl ape the music of the spheres As well might
the common stub-tailed donkey pass himself off for
a bboded courser As well might man who has
the cholic, diarrh@c, smallpox and yellow-feyer
pass himself off for sound man.
Every man has his price Well if that is the
case, the best thing the State do is to buy you
all up cheap, pay for you in comptrollers warrants,
and then throw you up in big pile ready for a
bonfire, and then hire man for four bits to touch
you off, and Men--I don't know what to do with
you unless it would be to use your relics for agri-
cultural purposes.
Suppose that the hundreds of thousands of me-
chanics artlzans farmers, diggers, borers, smash
ers and every other kind of laborers were to throw
away their tools and declare that the world owed
them living and they were bound to have it If
any of your crowd will tell me how they would get
it. will make you present of the best work on
political economy now extant, Russian bound, and
clasped with gold deadheads. We will cut these
remarks short by saying that when a man gets
something for nothing, he is a non-producer, and
that when man is always consuming and never
producing he becomes public nuisance, and that
the State has just as much right to make laws to
clean out nuisances as man has to clean the ma
nure out of his stable Rest assured, loafers that
ii you had your way the world would soon be
ready for final burial all we would have to do
would be to hang little Grape around the North
Pole, tie black handkerchief around the South
Pole, paint the equator black set the Nevadas on
fire as funeral pyre, burn up few Spice islands
for incense extend funeral invitation to the other
planets, get everything ready, tell Gabriel to blow
his horn, and then hire 100000 hell cats to tip
the worthless orb into the gulf of infnity
We will close by referring to California dead
heads particularly. We live in q State which offers
superior inducements to any who is willing to
labor-in fact the only State in the Union in
which the laboring man can be perfectly independ
ent and although we will swear point blank that
a man can't make pile in this country, we all
know that every man can be king-a perfect mon
arch of all he surveys-provided he don't survey
but one claim at time 1t is the only country in
which the honest laborer can look the Goldfish aris
tocracy full in the face, nor cringe beneath its
OI hic 1oc1l 1l.,I