Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1855-08-29
Whole NO. 100.
FEELINGHIs RnMPS.

FEELING HIS BUMPS.
Our neighbor, Col. s., tells a
capital story Of ia certain wag in Erie, Pa.
q jolly publican, who contributes a good
deal to the life of that pleasant, but some
times very obstinate borough. One
morning, a travelling phrenologist arrived
at his inn, and took lodgings. The next
day in the village newspaper appeared
an advertisement stating that Prof B.
had arrived in Erie. and would make,
+" for consideration, (" examination of the
heads of citizens, and accompany the same
with accurate, reliable charts of charac-
ter. For two or three days the calls
were sparse ;sbut on the fifth day, there
was rush of.five or six to the apartments
of the Professor. One morning coun-
tryman entered the inn where the phre.
nologist had his rooms, and said to our
landlord aforesaid :
Is this the place where the phrenolo.
gist holds OUT who can tell mans
karacter by the bumps unto his skull 2"
Yes" replied Bonface, with re-
served and digni6ed manner.
Wal, want my potato trap looked
into little. Where is the man 2"
81 am the man." said the landlord.
+ "Oh you be, eh ? Wal. put in feel
o my Jumps, and gin us map. What's
the swindle 2"
"There is no swindle, sir J phrenology
is science, sir-a liberal SCIENCE"
ooh, yes-'xpecL so but what's the
price feelin' feller's head p
{" One dollar, with a CHART
"Wal, go It what do du ?-lie down,
or sit up7 Does it hurt 2"
Not in the least, sir take your seat
in that chair"
There were four or FIVE morning loung-
ers in the tavern, who checked laugh,
as the countryman took his seat. having
Grst, as requested. removed his coat, vest
and neckcloth, The wag OF landlord
ran his hands through the hair Of the pa
tent for moment, and said to his bar
tender:
Mr.. Flipkins, take sheet Of paper,
draw four lines down its whole length,
and put my figures under the heads /
mention to you"
1t was done. IS
Have you got it ?"
Yes all right"
"Very we'll"
And tho landlord wont on with his ex-
animation, which was rather rougher pcr-
haps, than there was any necessity for
'' Put down Philo-progenitiveness. Sia.
g."
Down, SIR"
Very we'll Reverence t,0o."
Booked, SIR"
"Combativeness, t1OO hundred F''
G. WboFIo b,I . hn S.;n1;oa
''No matter, sir you'll see it on tho
chart. Caution, one Credulity, four
hundred i''
What's that last lump ?" asked tho
patient.
"Never mind, now you'll understand
it itby-and-by. And now, TO the bar-keep-
er. Mr.. Flipkins, you've put these IN
separate columns, as usual 2"
Yes, SIR"
every we'll add 'em up
"Add 'em W.u-p.p P' exclaimed tho
phrenologiCal subject els that the way
you do 2"
"Of course! How else could we
get your balance Of mind-of intellect 2''
Wal, go ahead 2"
How does it DabolI, Mr.. Flipkins 2"
The three columns arc equal-they
foot up precisely the came r.
The landlord looked solemnly and sym
pathizingly towards his subject
is very strange" said he." but il
is So" Phrenology never lies. You have
no predominant character, sir you have
no intellectual status you don't know
anything, sir. Excuse me, sir but l
must state the truth, whether you
take chart or not, but sir, il there is any
truth in Phrenology you are a cursed foOlI
Under circumstances, sir, can scarcely
expect you to desire to keep the chart
which you have contracted for; that is
matter of small consequence, as il will be
a valuable illustration Of an unique species,
which can use in all my lectures hefeaf-
ter. authenticate all my lectures, sir,
with real name and residence. The
charge of deception in science is one Of
which never was brought against me, sir.
and never 1OH be, Bir-never l''
ooh ! never mind give us the map"
said the subject; here's the swinde, for it
is swindle but I'd rather pay it than
to have you agoin' around the country
maxim fool Of me every where else. as
you have here, you blasted pLiIoprogen-
tive humbug you r. With this expIo-
sion the subject retired.
WHAT Is A BLUsHI
What is a blush II il an act of the