The Empire County argus., 1855-10-13
Shakespeare Run Mad.

The N. Y. Tribune possesses sharp young man
in the shape of police reporter He gets off
some spicy things in while. We copy the
following extract from one of his reports:
Peter knight was found wandering in the Four
teenth Ward The officer could not determine
whether he intoxicated crazy; but, AS he
said he had no home he was taken in charge as q
vagrant He had been traversing the streets, with
folded arms talking to himself in odd bits of plays
and poems. He possessed facility Of quotation
equal to Richard Swieeller Esq S but he was reck-
less about the exactitude of his extracts, and jun
bled up authorities with as much confusion as Cap
tain Cutie himself He seldom gave quotation
right, but would break off in the middle and SUBJ
stitute some words of his own or dovetaf in an ir-
relevant piece from some strange author, or mix up
halfa-dozen authors with interpretations of his own,
in an inextrcable verbal jumbe.
Clerk-Whats your name?
Prsoner-"Peter Knight; am q native to the
marrow bone" that's Shakespeare
Clerk-Were you intoxicated yesterday?
Prisoner "'lis true, tits pity pity 'tis there
isn't the devil doubt of it. that's Scott
Clerk-Where did you get your liquorl
Prisoner--"W Where the bee sucks, there sucks
Peter Knight all day. Thou base inglorious slave,
think'st thou will reveal the noble name of him
who gave me wine! No Stree, Bob:' that's Beau
mont and Fletcher.
Officer in a whisper-If you don't tell you'll have
to go to Jail.
Prsoner--I do remember an apothecary, and
hereabouts he dwells-no he don't, he lives over in
the Bowery--but in his needy shop Goldfish hangs
and on his shelves bcggary account of empty
bottles. Noting this penury to myself | said, if
any man did need brandy punch, whose sale is
fifty dollars fine in Gotham, here lives catf
wretch who has probably got plenty of it under
the counter Why should here conceal my fault!
" inc ho! cried. The call was answered have
no wine, said he, but plenty of wills. Silence.
thou pernicous caitif quoth [ thou invisible spr-
it of wine, since can get thee by no other name,
why let us call thee gin and sugar. He brought
the juice Of cursed juniper in phial, and in the
porches of my throat did pour Udopho Wolfes
distment Thus was by Duchman's hand at
once dispatched--not drunk nor sober, sent into
this dirty stationhouse three-quarters tight, with
u,i my i,nperiectiuns my mead. The fellows
name! My very soul rebels. But whether is 1t
nobcr in the mind to suffer the cuffs and bruises of
this bloody Dutchman take arms against his red
haired highness, and by informing end him! go
and it is done. Villain, here's at thy heart His
name your Honor, is Bobblesnoff kin in the Bow
cry" that's Shakespeare mixed.
Clerk--Have you got home!
Prisoner--My home is on the Deep deep sea :
that's Plutarch's Lives.
Clerk-How do you get your livingl
Prisoner--Doubt thou the stars are fire. doubt
Truth to be a liar, bat never doubt that Ill get
living while the oyster sloops have but one watch
man: that's Billy 5. again.
Clerk--Do you pay for your oysters!
Prisoner--Base is the slave that pays; the speed
of thought is in my limbs: that's Byron.
Clerk--Do you steal them and then run away!
Prisoner-lve told thee all, Ill tell no more, tho
shhort the story he; let me go back where | was
before, and rll get my living without troubling the
Corporation that's Tom Moore altered to suit
circumstances.
Justice (evidently at a loss, in a whisper to mys
tilted Clerk)I think he's crazy; what do you
think it's best to do with himl
Prisoner (overhearing )---Of with his head so
much that's Shakespeare curtailed.
Justice-Will you promise to dispense with the
brandy and gin, if you are discharged!
Prsoner-O could be happy with either, were
tother dear charmer bottled up and the cork put
in: that's Dbdin, with vengeance.
Judge--What do you suppose will become off
you, if you 30 on in this way, living as you have
done!
Prisoner--Alas, poor Yorick!--Pete | mean.
Who knows where he will lay his bones? Few
and short will the prayers be said, and nobody'l
feel any sorrow but they'll cram him into his clay