The American patriot. (Clinton, La.) 1854-1???, 1855-03-21
Docsticks Attends q Ladics' Fair,

HAIRLESS, OeslgneQ tOr uses 10 me unknown, ana
also all sorts of impracticable unnecessaries
intended for gentlemen; slippers that you
couldn't get on: smoking-caps, that could nev
or, by any possibility, fit anybody shaped like
a Chinese pagoda, and full Of tinsel and span.
giles to make them prickly y cigar.cases, that
you couldn't get 4 cigar into without breaking
both ends off (perhaps they expect us to smoke
stubs" like the news-boys, pin-cushions
stuffed SO hard they would turn the points Of
a marline.spike watchcases just big enough
to hold y three cent piece {; pen wipers that fill
the point Of pen full Of woool and divers
other nonsensical inconveniences fabricated by
specializing females, the patterns being always
short, and the stitches very long, Il suppose
they think we don't know the difference,) to
palm off on victimizcd gentlemen and they
resignedly submit to price so exorbitant that
If . Chatham street 1sraelite had the impu-
dence to ask it, they'd straightcn out his fish.
hook nose like a darning-needle
The prettiest looking girls are always placed
where the least attractive looking merchandise
is displayed, and they ask the biggest kind Of
prices, trusting to the gallantry Of the gentle
men "not to beat them down." flattcring them
selves, l suppose, that their pretty looks arc
''value received" for the exchange One con-
sequence of this arrangement is, that every
buyer spends all the money he has in his purse,
taking in exchange therefor lot of stuff SO
utterly useless, and SO ridclously absurd, that
after having it on his table for q week or 90 to
laugh at, he is fain to get rid of the rubbish by
giving the whole to his chambermaid. Some.
times your purchases will hold together till you
leave the room, and sometimes not; you must
show yourself man, and "equal to either for
tune" E.
There was post-ofice; pretty girl called
me had letter for me; bought it; paid ten
cents nothing in it-.blank. Solicitous young
lady very anxious to have me give her twenty
five cents to tell me how much weighed
paid her the money. and she told me within
tifty-one pounds and half; young woman
wanted me to invest in the "grab-bag :" gave
half dollar and fished in, got, in three times
trying, tin whistle, half stick Of candy,
and pea. nut done up in tissue paper.
Went on to the auction table; where, after
much competition with ringlctted miss (who
was put there to make Peter Funk bids against
probably purchasers) succeeded in bidding in a
China vase, which soon discovered had hole
in the bottom, and wouldn't hold water any
more than it would bake pork. If I had
bought it anywhere else, should have thought
had been swindled, and have demanded my
money back; but here l supposed it was an
exemplification Of some newly discovered
principle Of fair dealing, with which was not
yet acquainted. Was much amused with the
way they disposed of goods--certain number
of articles (things left at the tables tended by
the homely girls and for each article twenty
tickets were put into n hat, whence they were
drawn out singly, and the last tickets drawn
were to have the prizes should have thought
it was just the same as lottery, if had not
been acquainted with the ladies', and known
they wouldn't do anything so naughty.
Came to place where an old lady, with
steel spectacles, was cutting up loaf Of cake
into particularly small pieces; asked what it
meant ; was told there was gold ring somc
where in the cake, and they proposed to sell
each piece for quarter of a dollar, and give
the ring to the lucky buyer; wondered Il it
wasn't another lottery on a small scale, but
supposed it couldn't be; went to the supper
room. 1t is a curious metropolitan fact, that
at parties, balls, or wherever refreshment-
table is spread, every man seems to regard it
his just duty to fill himself to the very mouth
with all delicious things" On hand, as if he
was gun, and anxious to ascertain his cali
bre, and find out how quickly he could be
loaded in case Of necessity. And the ladies'
are not far behind; this evening learned how
much female can eat, in charitable cause !;
pale-faced ballroom belle is modern Sphinx,
gastronomc problem. whose solution will
probably never be satisfactorily expounded
Under the impression that she would not eat
more than had money to pay for, l invited a
lady to take some refreshments, and certainly
think that, like the countryman, she imagined
she was bound to cat all tho billof-fare called
for. She ate stewed oysters, fried oysters,
boiled turkey with oyster sauce celery, oysters
on the shell, icecream, sponge cake and Char
lotte Russo, Roman Punch, two water ices,
coffee, sandwiches, cold sausage, lobster salad,
oysters broiled, also stewed again, and six on
the shell, orange jelly, grape ditto, cake; she
then limited again to oysters, but as the supply
had run out, she was obliged to go hungry ;
paid the bill with certified check on the Mer-
chants Bank which luckily covered the amount
and greatly relieved my mind; for ! feared
there would be balance which | would have
to give my note for.
Having previously procured the articles re.
quired for my friend, l Immediately left; got
home, and proceeded to examine my purchases,
found that the slippers, having been pasted to-
gethcr without the slightest regard to perma-
nence, had come apart in my pocket, my COM
forter had raveled out, so that had about six
inches comforter, and wad Of yarn big enough
to make a horse blanket; my dressing gown
had been made of moth.eaten remnant, and
where there was any sewing, every stitch was
as long as a railroad, but the sleeves had, ver-
lily believe, been put in with court plaster, and
the long seams with carpenters glue.
Made up my mind that the objects of that
feminine institution, Ladies' Fair, are some
what as follows firstly, to give the ladies an
opportunity to show their new clothes, and
talk with a multitute of unknown gentlemen,
without any preliminary introduction second
ly, to beg as much money Is possible from the
gentlemen aforesaid, under the transparent