New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1855-01-23
XIII. DOEsTICKs INvENTS A PATENT
MEDICINE.
NEw-YoRK, Monday, Nov. 6, 1854.
Seventv Hundred and One. Mario g-st.


Seventy Hundred and One NarroW-st.
Congratulate me-my fortunes made-I am in nor
talized, and I've done it myself. have gone into
the patent medicine business My name will be handed
down to posterty a. that of universal benefactor.
The hand which hereafter writes upon the record Of
Fame the names Of Aver, Sands. Townsend, Mofat,
Morrison, and Brandreth must also inscribe, side by
side with these distinguished sppelations the no less
brilliant cognomen Of the undyng Doestcks. Emu
lou. of the deathy notorety which has been acquired
b, the medicinal worthless just mentioned, also re-
solved TO achieve a name and fortune in the Same
reputable and honest manner. Bought gallon Of
tar a cake Of beeswax, and frkin of lard, and In
twenty. one hours presented to the world the first
batch OF Doestioks Patent, Self.Acting Four Horse
" Poorer Balsam," designed to cure all diseases Of
mind body, estate to give strength to the weak,
money to the poor bread and butter TO she hungry,
boots to the barefoot, decebey TO bl4ckgusrds and
conmos TO the .Notbipgs. Ii acts ply SIC
ally, morally, mentally, P-ycholoec4y, Hydrologic
ally and ge0oe icay and II IL Intended TO make our
subupary sphere bssful paradise, to which Heaven
itsef shall be but side show.
have not yet brought II to absolute perfection,
but even il acts with immense force as you will
perceive by the accompanying testimonials and roc
ords of my own individual experience. You will OBJ
serve that have not resorted TO the usua manner of
preparing certificates: which H. TO be certain that all
come from come formerly unheard Of place in the
West while those sent to the West shall be dated at
,ome place forty miles east Of sunrise. But send
to vos As representing the western country, GER
tifcate from an Oregon farmer:
0DfAR The land eompO.ins farm has hitherto been
that seoIeh.n eooen; get h n.s o. IL, aa .d..
but hssrns Of oy e.'sm put .sse on tho soos 81
urd ths roc entirely dsppeseds neat stone wall en-
eeed the fed and the rail. were split into 9ve9wood ssa
Z to the middle Of huellebery 'wamp-n two dsvii W.
o. Id wn ,ou .ld %ds A. asa sn ssns.
Of ito strength would state thst IL drew tinl
~. m PopSdrew blister a. over his stomach
lead OF potatoes four miles to market and svenuay dew
prize ninety dollars In the State Lottery And the
.f,et upon inhabitants bereabou, has been so wonderful
that they opened their the good OF the county
s.i. IN the middle Of June and who positive law
ss.ins eshets hail storms and the Toe a'
q n ember of the senior class in western College,
who, although misguided, neglected and ignorant, Is,
undoubtedly, as honest and sincere "a his fru-sian
lied education will admit Of. l have corrected the
ortboersphy, and revised some grammatical mac
curacies but, besides attending to these tribes, IN
s.rtinp marks Of punctuation and putting the capt.
tails in the right places assure you have made no
alteration. ,o.,
my DraR Docros; tYou know attended medical lee,
half rn. snS once ..fs m ese s
theory and tiscee and the Doctor perfectly
,sS, required this e.tsbshmsn hsd become down
90 thin that obliged to put overcast 70 cast
ss.,, and IN obedience to The Homeopathic pnsP.' q
s Institution tooh fen.esiaI desc ony IN fsus days
one hundred and eighty in:hes round the waist
sosd chop eleven Of btory wood IN two h'qn and
half ard bet carried YOKE o. oxen .so Is' aas
any ore the fact tbs oxen are .li to be seen
p.,Hi IL Dpowdsr sIpo.os on whies occasion my
and ers scattered the village. and my msased 70
circumstances nay hfs dsrpared Of and
ssssmsts bad bought pine coffin and borrowed Whole shnv
four so.:. power S..E which Ihsppsnsl have
yosts suddenly brought tosethsr the se.tersa psees
,te ny sb.nsss h.ne ssd ". r.''''s .n,,a.s e ny
h.pts With new s.t Of d9aes tssta nave zee -:
ses Of ny psnsloc,' and nov BID gim death aeatnss
'''- 'Yon,. ,ntirely SKI M"
feel tina. after this Mr Editor, 1 need give you
more reports Of third persons but viii nevertheless
detail some Of my own pertonal experience OF the at
Gle. / caused some TO be applied 10 the Wsshfensw
Bank after its fasre and While the Basam lasted the
Bank redeemed its notes with specie The cork OF one
widow. and in six weeks she had young and bloom
ing husband. Administered some 70 hack driver u
Of gin and sugar, and that day he swlnded ouI
seven people, and only gave two OF them oad money
in change. Gave few drops gratis TO poor woman
who was earning precarous subsistenee by MAKING
calico shirts With one needle, and the next dsy
che was discovered to be heir TO large fortune Inc
Know Nothing candidate for Mayor OF the city has sent
for bottle and ii has entirely cured him OF vioeai
verbal diarrhea Gave come to An up town actor and
that night be said damned only twenty-one tines
One Of the daily papers got the next dose and IN the
next edition but one there but four editorial
hoods, seven indecent advertisements, and tSo
columns and half of homemade Foreign Core
'spopdepce Caused fifteen drops to be given TO tee
low comedian of Broadway Theater, and that nigns
hs was positively dressed more like man than q
monkey sctual spoke some lines Of the suthot msi.
only three name attempts at puerile witticsas-ony
twice went out of his way to introduce some grossly
rdslcsis line into his par. and for wonder Lost .
mich Of his selcor ce that for full halfhour ne dS
not believe himself the greatest comedian IN the woto:
Gave come to q news-boy and be Manufactured on'
three frss, . couple Of murders, and one horrible rs
road accident in the next thirty minutes Put zone
on the outside Of the Crystal Palace, and me ~