The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1855-02-07
Humorous.
PUT OUT THE LIGHT I-Shakespcarc.
And then get into bedI-Jenkins.


William and John occupied seperate
beds in the same room. John wal hon.
est and timid, while William wal cum
ming and lazy. On entering their room
20 retire for tho night, John, with his
usual alacrity, undressed and jumped
into bed while William was pulling Of
his boots and deciding which side of the
bed would most likely be the softest.
After a few minutes delay William
eprang into bed, placed his head upon
two pillows, doubled himself up, prepar.
atory to q comfortable snooze, when,
what should he discover, when he was
just ready to drop off, but that he
had carelessly left the fluid lamp burn
ing The discovery gave rise to the
following s%oliloquy:
"'TWon't do to leave the lamp burn
ing but it is SO gerry cold hat / hate
most osgf1Hy to get out on the floor
but still that lamp mast be 6Lot0n out
I wonder if I cant make John get out =
I'll try. john"
Hello"
ibid you ever know Daniel Hoskins,
foreman of engine 81 ?"
No. Why ?"
"Nothing, only I don't know but you
knew him. I saw by the papers,that
his death was caused last week by inhal-
ing the ouheToyun fiaiciaL vapors from
a lamp thathe accidentally left burning
In his room. After the fluid was all
consumed, the chemist said that the oIOr-
gicoL suction of the wick SO consumed
the nitrogen of the lungs that the tatia-
zeal vapors suddenly stopped the inspi-
ration and the heart ceased to beat"
John raised himself up in bed, gazed
with q sternness indiscribable on the re-
Ginning form of his roommate, and in a
stentorian voice exclaimed
Why in thunder don't you blow out
the lamp"
Well sure enough" was the reply,
ait ant out, is it? Well never mind,
John, it'll go out itself in a little while"
"No it won't go out itself, not in q
where 1 sleep" And in the shake
of q cats tail, John had extinguished
the light and returned to his bed, NUT
tering as he did so, /" I'd rather get up
a dozen times than to die as Daniel Hos
kins did,
In the morning John wanted to learn
0A1 bAO "a OA4 II
Mr. Hoskins, but William had no recol-
lection of ever speaking of it, and accused
the honest fellow of dreaming.
HAD HIM THAT TIME.-The Boston
Mass Post tells the following: "Rev.
Mr.. Foster, of Salem, Mass, was a face
tious man, and unusually ready at joke
and repartee. He had a Parishioncr, a
carpenter by trade; pretty well stocked
with ready wit, and withal, somewhat
given to boasting. One day, while at
work for his minister, hewing a stick of
timber, the carpenter was boasting in
his usual style of the marvels that he
could perform. The Pastor, to put an
extinguisher upon him, said, Governor,
his nickname do you think you could
made q devil ?" Make a devil ~ re-
sponded the Governor, why yes, oh
yesl. his broad-axe moving a little
more rapidly here, put up your foot
you want the least alteration of any
man I ever saw It was rare that the
minister came off second best in such
encounters, but he did this time.n
E At a late ball in Baltimore, a
gentleman having danced with a young
lady whose attractions, both personal and
conversational, seemed to have made an
impression on his sensibilities, asked, on
leading her to a seat, if he might have
the pleasures of seeing her on the follow
ing day9
"W6y, no, sir" replied the fair one ;
III shall be engaged tomorrow evening I;
but IIl tell you when you can see me-"
81 shall be most happy" exclaimed
the striker swain.
Well, on SATURDAY night" resumed
the lady, "you can see me at the foot
ofMarsh's Market, selling cabbages."
If the young man is wise, he'll be
there, certain, for that girl will make
him an excellent wife.
e An amusing incident occurred
n one of our Down East churches, some
years ago. The clergyman gave out OF
q pleasant Sabbath afternoon in July:
love to steal awhile away,
From every numbering care,
And spend the hours of setting day,
IN humble, grateful prayer"
The regular chorister being absent
the duty devolved upon the good ole
Deacon NJ, who commenced
"I love to steal
and then bagged down-and raising hi
voice to q still higher pitch, he sung
EGI love to steaI-''
and, as before, he concluded he had go
the wrong pitch, and deploring that h
had not his pitch turner" he deter
mined to succeed if be died in the at
tempt.
BY this time, all the old ladies wer
titteriDg behind their funs, whilst tn
faces of the young 'uns were all in
broad grin. At length after a desper
ate cough, he made a final demonstra
ton and roared out
love to steal-'
This effort was too much every 9th
er but the godly and eccentric person wa
laughing who arose, ard with the nj
most GOODNESS said
"Seeing our brothers p~ropensities
let US pray !"
e IF you don't want to fall in Low
with a girl, don't commence flirting wit
her. This counting for fun is like boz
ing for fun. You put on your gloves i
perfect goodhumor, with the most friend
iy intentions of exchanging a few amica
BILE blows you find yourself insensibl
warmed with the enthusiasm of conficr
until some unlucky punch in the "ve'
kit decides the matter, and the Who'll
affair ends in a downright fight. Don
you see the similarity? We do.
r. Some funny things will happe