The Trinity times., 1855-04-14

ways able to comply with the demands upon
my purse. Twice have | been invited to
calico parties, and at the bottom of each
note, was II modest request that | would
make my appearance arrayed in such appar-
el, only, us would be willing to donate, next
day. to the Five Points Mission. Could have
done like the others--bought ready-made
coat and vest and given them with the great
est peasure-but the hint in the invitation
seemed to included the entire wardrobe
brought into requsition on the occasion, and
when | thought of Five Points darkey in
my ruf1'ed shirt and gold studs, was sud-
denly "indisposed" and sent my "regre,s y
But | did go to a ball for the benefit Of the
poor-a two dollar commingling of "upper>
tendom' with lower twentydonl''-an ava
lanche of eXclusiveness, in torrent Of mob
ocracy--where the crowd was SO great that
faces lost their identity, and was only con-
scous Of husting mass Of dressed-up hu-
manty--a forest of broadcoth wrecked in
an ocean of calico. barely escaped with
my life, and reached home in a state of co.'s
| lapse.
Aiterward, went TO a concert in behalf Of
the pOOr-where | sat all the evening in a
hard seat with number on the back, to see
woman make faces at a well dressed audience,
and sing music which could not understand
the people all applauded when she scream
ed, and threw bouquets at her VIXEN she
made noise like q swamp-backbrd.
But my latest combination chartabe-a-
musement exploit was attending a Ladies'
Fair in aid Of the poor, which was given by
the benevolent ladies' of the Church Of the
Holy Poker.
Damphool (who can't give up city associa-
tons, and who wouldn't read his Bible if it
wasn't printed in New York; had sent to
me from his rural solitude to procure him
dressing gown, pair of slippers and a cro-
cheted wor>ted comforter. Thought couldn't
have better opportunity to purchase these,
and so ! went to the Far. Got to the Hall,
paid my twenty-five at the door, went i'll
saw plenty Of long tables, with ladies behind
them playing "keep store'-tables covered
with mysterious articles Of baby linen, and
complicated pieces Of female harness, design
ed for uses to me unknown, and also all sorts
of impIacticable unnecessares intended for
gcntemen-slippers that you couldn't get OH
-smokiug-caps that could never, by any
possibility, It anybody shaped like a Chinese
pagoda. and full Of tnsel and spangles to
make them pricklyD cigar cases, that you
couldn't get a cigar into without breaking
both ends off (perhaps they expect us 10
smoke stubs" Ike the neWsboys,) pncush-
ions stuffed SO hard they would turn the
point of u nIarlin-spl plke-Watch- cases Just BIG
enough 10 hold a thrce-cent piece, pen -wipers
that till the point of pen full Of woodland
divers other nonsensca Inconvenience fab
ricated by specializing females (the patterns
being always very short, and the stitches very
long ! suppose they think we don't know
the diilerence) to palm of Upon victmzed
gen!lemen; and they Iesignedly submit to
price so exhorbitant .hdt il a Chdtnaui.>t l. Is
raelite had the impudence 10 ass it, they'd
straighten out his tlsh-hook nose like a darn
ing needle. The prettiest-lookng girls are
always placed where the least attractive
looking merchandise is displayed, and they
ask the biggest kind Of prices, trusting to the
eallantry OF the gentlemen mot TO beat them
down. hattering themselves, suppose, that
their pretty looks are "valuc received" for
! the exchange. One consequence Of this al
rangement is, that every buyer spends all lhe
money he has in his purse, taking in eX
! charge therefor a lot Of staff so utterly use
less, and SO ridicuiously absurd, that after hay-
ing it on bis table for week or SO TO LAUGH
at he is ain 10 get rid Of the rubbish by CIV
| ing the whole to his chamber-maid. Some
/ times your purchases will hold together ill
you leave tie roUn, and sometimes not; You
must show yourself man, and equal to
either fortune"
There was a Post-O -Ofice-pretty girl call
ed me, had a letter fer nIe--boughl lt--paid
ten cents-nothing in it--blank. Solictous
/ r., ltny nh. I.
twenty five cents TO tell me how much
weighed-paid her the money, and she told
me within ttty-on pounds and half--young
woman wanted me to invest in the "grab
bag gave a half dollar and iished in--got,
in three times trying, "A tin whistle, half q
stick Of candy, and peanut done up in It's
sue paper. Went on to the auction table,
where, after much competition with ringet-
ed miss, (who was put there 10 make Peter
| Funk bids against probable purchasers sue
ceeded in bidding in a China vase, which /
| soon discovered had a hole in the bottom
and wouldn't hold water any more than it
would baked pork. If had bought it any
where else, should have thought had been
| swinded, and have demanded my money
| back, but here, | supposed il was an exem-
| pl1ication Of som7 newly discovered principle
Of fair dealing, with which | vas not Yet ac-
| quainted.
Was much amused with the way they dis.
posea Of the unsold goods-certain number
Of articles, Ghings ett at the tables tended by
the homely girls and for each article twenty
tickets were put into hat, whence they
were drawn out sngly, and the last tickets
/ drawn were 10 have the prizes--sho1ld have
| thought it was just the same as a lottery, if /
| had not been acquainted with the ladies', and
! known they wouldn't do anythngs SO naughty.
Came to a place where an Old lady, with steel
! spe"tacles was cutting u9 a loaf Of cake; and
! they proposed to sell each piece for a quarter
| Of a dollar and give the ring to the lucky
! buyer--wondered il it wasn't another lottery
! on a small scale, but supposed it couldn't be
went TO the supptr-room. IT IS curious
metropolitan fact that at parties, balls, or
! wherever a rclreshneut table is spread every
man seems to regard it his Just duty to fill
himself to the very mouth with all the "deIi-
cacies Of the season." and 10 accomplish it in
the least time possble--as if he was gun.
and anxious to ascertain his calibre, and find
out how quickly he could be loaded in case
] ,f ,..or-.tftt tyd tho tali 90 aro pot g,r b.,