Washington telegraph., 1855-04-04
Doesticks Attends a Ladies' Fair

A>OOctASAS <AttCAuS a k/stO1CS r dEKs
But my latest grand combination-charita
ble-amusement exploit was attending La
dies Fair in aid of the poor, which was Civ
en- by the benevolent members Of the Church
Of the Holy Poker Damphool (who can't
! give up city associations, and who wouldn't
read his Bible if it wasn't printed in New
! York; had sent to me from his rural soli-
tude to procure him dressing gown, a pain
of slippers, and crotched worsted COM
forter. Thought [ couldn't nave a better
opportunity to purchase, and / went to the
Fair
Got TO the Hall, paid my % cents at the
door, went in-saw plenty of long tables.
with ladies behind them. playing keep
store - tables covered with mysterious arti-
cles of baby-linen, and complicated pieces
of female harness. designed for uses to me
unknown, and also all sorts of impractical
bic unnecessaries intended for gentlemen
slippers that you couldn't get on smoking
caps, that could never, by any possibility,
fit anybody. (shaped like Chinese pagoda,
and full of tinsel and spangles to make them
prickly } cigar-cases, that you couldn't get
a cigar into without breaking both ends off
(perhaps they expect us to smoke stubs"
ike the news-boys) pin-cushions stuffed SO
hard they would turn the point of mar
line-s spike; watch-cases just big enough to
hold three-cent piece pen-wipers that fill
the point Of pen full of wool, and divers
other nunsensical inconveniences fabricated
by specializing females, the patterns being
always short, and the stitches very long. Il
suppose they think don't know the diff
ference) to palm off on victimized gentle
men and they resignedly submit to price
50 exorbitant that if q Chatham street Is
raeite had the impudence to ask it, they'd
straighten out bis fishhook nose like a darn
ing-needIc.
The prettiest looking girls are always
placed where the least attractive looking
merchandise Is displayed, and they ask the
biggest kind OF prices, trusting to the gal
lantry of the gentlemen mot 10 beat them
down, fattering themselves, suppose, that
their pretty looks are value received for
the exchange. One consequence of this
arrangement is, that every buyer spends all
the money he has in his purse, taking in ex-
change therefor a lot of stuff so utterly use
less, and so ridiculously absurd, that after
| having 1t on his table for week or so TO
laugh at, he is fain to get rid OF the rubbish
by giving the whole to his chambermaid.-
Sometimes your purchases will bold together
till you leave the room. and sometimes not
but you must show yourselfa man, and equal
to either fortune
There was post-office: pretty girl called
me; had letter for me; bought it !; paid
ten cents; nothing in it-blank Solicit
Gus young lady very anxious to have me
give her % cents to tell Inc how much /
weighed paid her the money. and she told
me within 81 ID pounds; young woman
| wanted me TO invest in the .'grab-bag -
gave half dollar, and fshed il. got, in
three times trying, tin whistle, half s,icl,
Of candy, and peanut done up in tissue
paper.
Went on to the auction table. where. af-
ter much competition with ringletted miss
| (who was put there to make Peter Funk
bids against probable purchasers) succeeded
in bidding in d China vase, which I soon
discovered had hole in tie bottom, and
wouldn't hold water any more than it would
bake pork. If I had bought it any where
else, should have thought had been swim
died, and have demanded my money back
but here, | supposed it was an exemplifica-
ton of some newly discovered principle Of
fair dealing. with which was not yet ac-
quainted. Was much amused with The way
they disposed of goods-certain number of ar
ticles (things left at the tables tended by the
homely girls) and for each article 20 tick
cts were put into hat whence they were
drawn out siugly and the last tickets drawn
were to have the prizes; should have
thought it was just the same as lottery, if
| bad not been acquainted with the ladies,
and known they wouldn't do anything so
naughty.
Came 20 place where an old lady, with
steel spectacles, was, cutting up loaf of
cake into particularly small pieces asked
what it meant; was told there was gold
ring somewhere in the cake, and, they
proposed to sell each piece for a quarter of
a dollar. and give the ring 10 the lucky
buyer; wondered if it wasn't another lot
terry on smll scale. but supposed it could mt
be /; went to the supper-roOm. 1t is a curl
GUS metropolitan fact, that at parties, balls.
or wherever refresbment-table Is spread
every man seems to regard it his just duty
to fill himself to the very mouth with all the
'.delicacies of the season." and to accom-
plish it in the least time possible. as if he
was gun, and anxious to ascertain his cal
ibre, and find out how quickly be could be
loaded in case of necessity. And the la
dies are not far behind; this evening
learned how much female can eat, in a
charitable cause a pale-faced ballroom
belle is a modern Sphinx. gastronomic
problem, whose solution will probably new
er be satisfactorily expOunded.
Under the impression that she would not
eat more than l had money to pay for, in