The Georgetown news., 1855-12-13
ply Wife, and My Theory about Wives.

ply Wife, and My Theory about Wives.
We do not marry our own wives! We
marry the wives of somebody, of any body
else, and any body or somebody else mar
ries our wives. 1t may sound very funny
and Very silly to say this, but it is the plain,
hard truth, and nine out of ten married men
will, in their secret souls, admit it. / re-
peat it, we don't marry our own wives; and
all the lawyers, legislators, judges, jurists,
statesmen, philosophers, Psychologists, and
phren0logists on earth can't make us do it.,
or devise a way by which we might do it,
( if we chose. And believe we would choose,
for l have a good opinion of human nature
This is puzzle for the spirit-rappers-a
riddle which even the FourieriteS cannot
solve. Speculation, ratiocination imagi-
nation-nO mental faculty or process will
avail US here. l doubt if that external
apperception at depth within the penetra-
LA OF consciousness to which Kant never
descended" of which Cousin boasts, will
mend the matter But the reason is very
plain to me. 1t was not intended for us to
marry our own wives; Goods last, best gift"
is reserved unto another higher life; else
wise this earthly existence would Of itself
be Heaven.
And now you know what [ mean by
"wife." Not merely your welded spouse
and lawful mother of your children, but that
woman-soul, fashioned by God himself as
the one only partner and complement Of
your soul; truly the "better half - of your
inmost self; with whom you are perfect man,
without whom you are but an unhappy seq
ment, more OF less dimly conscious and com
planning of your incompleteness. You see
am believer in the exploded theory of
matches made in Heaven Yes, [ am
for | have seen four such matches in NV
life, and [ do not eXaggerate when | say
that Tor them the millennium was already
come. But l have been lucky; for such
matches are exceedingly rare, most people
never having seen them at all.
Not only do we not marry cur own wives,
but frequently we never so much as see
them, Or if we do see them, don't know
them. On the other hand, man NAV see
his wife and know her to be his wife, but
his wife may not know him, may never
know him in this life; rice Uersa, the wife
may know her husband, and never be known
by the husband, and 50 or. [ wish to re-
cord my experience on the subiect and if |
do so in a somewhat frivolous style, it must
not be inferred that [ am not in earnest;
the inference might be false-"many true
word is spoken in jest"
1t follows, or may follow, from what has
been said, that we are all married. Yes
that is my opinion. Now, in the eve Of
the law and of society, am a bachelor
with every prospect Of remaining a bach
elor; but in point Of fact, and in the eye of
reason, am married man-just as much
oil a married man as Brigham Young is;
the only difference between us being that
his wives are visible, or, tospeak philosoph-
Ically, phenomenal, while my wife is not.
except, as before said, in the eve of reason
particularly my reason. | say again.
and most cmphatically, | am a married
man; l say so because l know nv wife. that
Is, l know her name, and have seen her
twice. L have never been introduced to
her, never spoke word to her in the whole
course Of my life, and never expect to; she
doesn't know me from side of sole,leatber,
probably never heard of me; and if I were
to go up to her and tell her she was my
wife (which is the fact), would have me put
in Jail or mad-house. But, poor thing
that's no fault of hers (she being entirely
ignorant Of my theory, and Of the eye Of
reason ALSO, and she is my wife, to the con-
trary Notwithstanding.
The first time, which was the next to the
last time, | ever saw her was about three
years ago-three years ago exactly, next
February 1t was in the little town of
Plantationton-a little, old, drowsy town,
situated on the banks of a little muddy
river, with long, ugly Indian name. The
stage in which was travelling at the event
Er.l 1. L