The Richmond Indiana palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1854-1855, 1855-03-30
SPECULATISG WHISPERS.
By SOL. SMITH.

! There lived in Macon a dandified individual
whom We will call jerks This Individual
| had tolerably favorable opinion of his per
sonal appearance. His fingers were hooped
with rings, and his shirt bosom was decked
with magnificent breast pin; coat, hat, vest,
and boots were made exactly to fit; he wore
kid gloves of remarkable whiteness; his hair
was oiled and dressed in the latest and best
style; and to complete his killing appearance,
he sported an enormous pair of real ,chisAers,
Of these whiskers, jerks was as proud as a
Young cat is Of her tail when she first disco
yers she has one.
| was sitting one day in broker office
when jerks came III to inquire the price of
exchange on New York. He was invited to
J sit down, and segar offered him. Con-
versation turning the subject of buying
and selling stocks, remark made by a
gentleman present thai he thought no person
should sell out stock in such and such bank
at that time, as itna4St get better ina few days.
4 will sell any thing I've got, if l can
make any thing on it, replied jerks.
/ "Oh no., replied one, mot any thing; you
wouldn't sell your tchiskers,'
/ A loud laugh followed this chance remark.
jerks Immediately answered: Il would; but
who would eeat them? Amy person making
the purchase would lose money by the opera
ton. I'm thinking"
/ "Well." observed, Il would be willing
made reasonable
+ "Ohl III sell EN- cheap" answered jerks,
winking at the gentlemen present
I What do you call cheap?' | inquired.
.I'n ell 'em for fifty dollars jerks ans
wered, putting forth a cloud of smoke across
the counter, aud repeating the wink.
well that is cheap; and you'll sell your
whiskers for fifty dollars?"
Il will
/ "Both of them?"
Both of them
IHtake them! When can l have them2"
ANY time you choose to call for them?'
Very well-they re mine think l shall
double my money on them, at least
Il took a bill Of sale as follows:
'.REcEIvED of Sol. SMITH Fifty Dollars in
full for my crop Of whiskers, 10 be worn and
taken care OF BY me, and delivered To him
when called for. J. jerks
The sumof fifty dollars was paid, and Jenhs
left the broker s-otiice in high glee, flourish
ing five Central Bank rs, and telling all his
aequaintances of the great bargain he had
made in the sale of his whiskers,
The broker and his friends laughed at me
for being taken in SO nicely. Never mind,
said |, 'elet those laugh that win: Ill make
profit out OF those whiskers, depend it.
For a week after this whenever met jerks
he asked me when | intended to call for my
whskers2
IN let YOU know when l want them.
was always my answer Take good care o
them; oil them occasionally; | shall call fo
them one of these davs"
4 splendid ball was to be given. | ascer
tanned that jerks was to be one OF the man.
gers-he being a great ladies' man, Con ac
count Of his whi>!1ers, | suppose and it oe
Cured TO me that before the ball took place
| might as well call for my whiskers.
One morning. l met jerks in barber S
shop. He was agonizing before large mirror
and eombing up my wAis1ers at devil Of
rate.
'Ah, there you sre, old fellow" said lie
speaking to my reflection through the glass
.'Come for your whiskerS. suppose
',Oh. no hurry" | replied. as l sa. do~
for I shave.
Always ready, you know" he answered
giving final tie to his cra.at
Come to think Of it, l said, musingly
as the barber began to put the lather on N
face. perhaps now would be as gool tim
As another: you Daay >i. down aud let he bar
Der try his hand at the whiskers-''
You couldn't wait untIt To- morrow, coul
you2'' he a>hel. Lesi;aunsly. There's
bail tonight, YOU know
To be sure there IS, and think you ougf
to go with clean face: =. all esen.s, | don
see any reason why YOU should expect TO wea
rav whiskers 70 ths: bali; 50 sis down
He rather sulkily obeved. and in fe'
moments his cheeks were in perfect foam
la:her TIE barber iourishei his raz,r, An
was abou: 10 commence operations, when
suddenly changed ntg aaiRd
Sop. Mr.. Barber" | said; You needn
shave off those whiskers jus. YET So h
quietly put up his razor. while Jenss starte
up from the chair in something very muc
resembling passion.
This Is triflins," he exclaimed ''Yo
have claimed your whi>kers-take them
4 believe a man has right 10 do as
please> with his own property | remarked
and left Jenks washing his face.
A. dinner that day. the conversation tarne
upon the whisker affair, l. seems the who