Southern sentinel. [volume] (Plaquemine, Parish of Iberville [La.]) 1848-1858, 1855-07-21
HOW DANPHULE
LOST HIS SHIRT-COLLAR,
From the N. Y. Shirt of the Times.1


From the N Y. Spirit of the Timesl
That vegetable Shirt of yours certainly
cost me quarter pound extra, to say nothing
of what lost by its reminding me Of dilem-
ma into which an old friened of mine once fell
His name was Danphule-we used to call
him "Jackass" for short. Heaven help me if
he should ever see this story. Among his
many misfortunes-for he was cock.eyed, red.
haired, and knock -kneed-he numbered that
inconvenient one of bashfulness; nevertheless
he was fond of the ladies', although when in
their presence he never opened his mouth if he
could help it, and when he did speak he used
both hands to help him to talk--in fact he was
a young man Of "great actions" Jack one
warm day fell in love; he had just graduated at
college, and began to think be must seek the
ladies' society; he was getting to be man, and
it looked manly to have penchank So Jack
fell in love with the sweetest, liveliest, most
hoydenish girl in the square; but how TO tell
his love, there was the rub. He had heard a
good deal of the language of the eyes, and he
accordingly tried that; but whenever he look.
ed particularly hard at the window where Miss
Emily was in the habit Of sitting, some person
on the other side Of the street would in varia-
bly, bow to him, thinking that he was endea-
voring to catch their eye. He has despised ex.
pressive eyes ever since.
At length Jack obtained an introduction
through his sister, and with her he called sev.
eral times, but she was obliged 10 leave the
city for season, and as each interview had on.
ly increased his ardor, he finally determined
upon going alone. Long before the hour fix
ed upon by custom for an evening visit, he
found himself arrayed in his best Blue coat
with metal buttons, black CASHMERE pants, (said
pants being leetle tighter than the skin) and
as an item of information that the thermome-
ter ranged from 75o to to 800, but Jack swears
that it was l00o!-As the hour drew gradu-
ally near, Jack found his courage and perspir-
alton oozing out together, and he almost de-
termined to pull off and stay at home. He
concluded. however, he'd take walk past the
house, and see how het felt. By the time he
reached the mansion he firmly concluded not
to 60 in; but on casting an eye toward the par.
lor window, and perceiving no signs of life
there, he thought it probable that no one was
at home, and since he had proceeded so far he'd
proceed little farther, and leave his card. No
sooner determined than concluded. In reck.
less moment he pulled the bell--he was sure
he just only touched it and the thing needn't
make such an awful noise! The door was
opened as if by magic, and the servant girl
politely requested him to walk in; that Miss
Emily was in the parlor, and would be delight
ed to see him!
Here was fix! Go into dark parlor, with
pretty girl all alone! But it was too late to
retreat: the girl had closed the front door, and
was pointing the way to the parlor, where Miss
Emily was sure enough alone. Being really
convinced that no choice was left him, into the
dark room he went. All was perfect chaos to
his eyes for moment; bat only for moment;
for then from the deepest gloom came an an.
gel voice bidding him welcome, and 90 he drew
Oear. To obey the order was but the work of
a moment a. he supposed. but he little dreamt
of the obstacle Fate had thrown in the way
He knew full well the stream of Love had
many ripples, but full grown snags entered not
into his calculation. Judge, therefore, of his
astonishment Of being tripped up. almost at
the fair ones feet, by fiat stool with plethorc
legs, which chance or careless servant had
placed exactly on bis road TO happiness. Over
be went, and % the tailor had not allowed for
any extra tension of the muscles and sinews,
be not only procured tumble, but also q
compound fracture Of the black pants aforesaid,
the said fracture extending all across that point
which comes 10 close cotact with the chair.
Having picked himself up as carefully a.
circumstances would allow, the smothered
laugh of Miss Emily not setting him forward
any, he at last succeeded in reaching chair, and
drawing his coat tails forward to prevent dis.
agreeable expose, sat himself down with ~
much grace % bear might be expected to ex.
hibit when requested to dance. The young
lady, who was almost suffocated with laughter
at the sad mishap of the bashful lover, felt
truly sorry for him, and used all her powers Of
fascination to drive it from bis mind, and even-
tually 90 far succeeded as to induce him to
make remark; and on this rock he split, for
lust at that moment she discovered she had
lost her handkerchief. What had become Of
it! She was sure she had it when he came in!
1t must certainly be Somewhere about "Hav-
en't you got it under you, MI. Danphule!" Jack
was sure that couldn't bs 90! but poor Jack,
in venturing an answer, could not possibly get
along without raising his hands, and Of course
hs must drop the coat tail. In anxiety to re-
cover the missing wiper, be even ysntured to
incline bic body 50 a. to get glance at the
floor. As he did 20, the fracture opened. and
behold! there lay, ~ the lady supposed, her
property. It was the work of an instant to
seize the corner and exclaim-"Here il is, sir;
you needn't trouble yourself-raise little; It's
under you!" At the same time giving it long
pull. Alas! the tail was now told!-no escape
nothing could save his shirt. But what
shopld he do! Another. stronger pull, evinc.
ing on the part Of the lady praisew orthy de-
termination to the lost sdry goods" coupled
with the request to @get up, sir--you're sit-
ting on it." determined him; and in the agony