Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1855-10-31
Mean Stories

Lawyers have their puns niense profits.
and perfumers theirs on the celebrated Chi
| nese soap, known as Meen Fun, but l mean to
tell you about mean men.
That was mean Dutchman that Hans Karg.
He had one beautiful Madonna looking daugh-
ter, who no more resembled him than does the
| flower the root.
Hans, how on earth DO you keep the pota.
toes from freezng?' asked neighbor one
| morning.
sFy, makes Caroline sheep on de bota-
| toes,' answered Hans, dat keeps dem from
| freezin'r'
There was man who came into store with
| an egg, which he wished to trade for darning
needle. To obi ge him the storekeeper agreed
to the trade. The bargain over, the egg-deal-
er asked, Don't you always treat when you've
| driven trade p
Not for so small a trade he answered.
"A trades trade, whether it's for one egg
or thousand
Aghast at the mans meanness, the store
keeper complied, and asked,
sWhat will you take p
Il like glass of wine, with an egg beat up
in it,, answered the mean man.
The storekeeper said nothing, but took the
egg which he had just received from the man,
and broke it. 1t happened to be double
yolked egg.
sTherei' exclaimed the mean man. sNow
you must give me tuo needles, cause that's
a double egg gin YOU
And that was a very mean youth wl.o defined
love "a prodgal desire on the part of a
young man to pay some young lady's board
And there was Hugo Zimmerman who made
his wife dig potatoes to pay for the marriage
license. Lawyer said Uncle Dick to me at
once, Il must tell you that story of Hugo, for
its not a bad one and good stories like pota-
toes, amt as plenty they used to be when
was boy. Hugo is neighbor of mine, tho
considerable older than l be land mean neigh
Dor he is too. Well, when he was going to
get married to Gretchen Kulp, he goes down to
Parson Rodgers, at Digby, to get license.
sParson,' says he, what's the price of a
license p
Six dollars says he.
six dollars? p said Hugo; sthat's dreadful
sight of money. Couldn't take no less p
No. says he, sthat's what they cost me at
the Secretary's office, at Halifax
well, how much do you ak for publishing
in church, then p
Nothing says the Parson.
WELL says Hugo, 'that's so cheap can't
expect to give no change back. 1 thinl, I'll
be published. How long does it take p
Three Sundays
Three Sundays says Hugo, 'weli that's a
long time too. But three Sundays only make
a fortnight after ALL two for the covers and one
for the inside like; six dollars is a great sum
of money for poor man to throw away. l
must wait.
So of he went a-jogging towards home, and
looking about as mean as new shearcd sheep,
when, all at once. bright thought came into
his head, and back he went as hard as his
horse could carry him.
sPsrson,' says he, 'I've changed my mind.
Here's the six dollars. I'll tie the knot to-
night with my tongue that l can't undo with
my teeth
why, what in nature is the meaning of all
this p said the Parson.
Why says Hugo, .I've been cyphering it
ont in my head, and its cheaper than publish
ing the bans, after all. You see, it's potato
digging time,--if wait TO be called IN church
her father will have her work for nothing, and
as hands are scarce, and wages high. if mar
~ her tonight she can begin to dig to-mor-
row, and that will pay for the license, and just
seven Shillings over, for there amt man in
all Clements that dig and carry as many
bushels in day as Gretchen can. And besides
fresh wives like fresh servants work like smoke
at frst but they get sarcy and lazy after awhile