Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-07-26
Prn, 45uate 4 Stissurs.

|
GJThe fellow who slept under ''the cover
! OF night" complains that he came very near
freezing.
| GI"Mine Got vot will de Frenchman make
next 20 said dutchman the first time he saw
a monkey.
-DThe Worcester Palladium says the man.
utacture OF political platforms has become a
leading branch Of came rican Industry"
" Small women are said 10 be in demand
at Paris, because they cannot wear as many
yards Of lace and costly dresses as large ones.
BacheloIS would do we'll 10 remember this.
GTThey have got al pig in Ohio so thorough
ly educated that he has taken TO music. They
regulate his time by twisting his tail-the
greater the twist, the higher the notes.
GJ1It was great piece OF saving in the good
pous woman, when she declined 10 pray for
''the downfall of satan'S kingdom, because
she hatei to see anything wasted"
JNothng slows the low state Of christi
anIly SO deplorably as the readiness with
which lis professors take advantage of the
wants and necessities of the poor.
GTWe forget by whom, bu. by some one il
has beel said, elf the pressure of the times
could be used, ii would propel steamship
across the Atlantic in day."
U7"The Ladies' Ropper," is The title of a
sheet Just issued in New York. II is edited
by single lady, and advocates matrimony and
boby-iumperS.
UT"lt is with narrow Souled people," says
Swift, "as it is with narrow necked bottles:
'he less they have in them, The more noise
they make in pouring it out"
UBe careful how you make love to cross
eyed girl. You can'tiel whet er she is cast
Ing her sweet glanceS at yourself, or Mr.. Jones,
opposite.
EJ-"Water, bring me some corn," said
boarder 10 green Irish servant "Hay?" said
Paddy, leaning down 10 catch the accent
"N"' no-eo'n % replied the guest.
~ A wag, seeing a lady at a party witha
very low-necked dress and bare arms, express. 4
ed his admiration by saying that she out strip4
ped the Whole party.
VA school mistress advertised lstely for on
| assistant accustomed 10 confinement She re-
ceived an answer from The mother Of twelve
childen.
D'Soltule is the despair Of fools, the tor.
ment OF the wicked, and the joy Of the good.
IL is alike pandlmonlum, purgatury, and para
diSe-according to tue soul that enters it.
GJ-"If the spring put forth no blossoms, in
summer there will be no beauty and in autumn
no fruit; so if youth be 1rihed away without
Improvement, ripper years will be contemplate
and old age miserable"
GJA persoun out West is offering for sale
grass seed gathered from the "path of recti-
tude." religious professor fears that the
path must be sadly overgrown with grass as it
is so little travelled nova days.
FuxNY.-To hear young man whose phisi-
economy denotes love Of sour-krout and lager
beer, curSing the "d-d Gemans," while
his own father is hardly able to speak English
plain enough TO be understood.
U-5"A Judge out west las decided that "kis-
sing bOdy' while "coming through the rye"
is legal. This has an important and interest
ing bearing on the Iye culture and the hsppi-
ness Of mankind in general.
rC's~ "Sambo, what kind oh keys would
it take TO open de gates oh Sebastopol ?''-
"Well, guess, it's Tur KEYS" "No, dat
isn't it, Sambo." "Wel, what is it den, Iu.
Illus :" "Why, Yankees; yah yah
uJ'A soldier on trial for habitual drunken.
ness was addressed by The president: "Pris-
oner, you have heard the prosecution for hs-
bitual drunkenness, what lave you TO say in
defence !" "No'hing, please your honor,
but habitual thirst"
An IaIsnMAN's WlLL.-.T will and be-
J queath 10 my beloved wife Bridget, ell nv
property without reserve, and my eldest son
Patrick, one half the remainder, and to Dem
mis-, my younges, son, the rest. Ifanything is
left, it may go to Terrence McCarty."
MA New Haven paper, describing the 10.
caities Of three prominent institutions of that
city says: "The Medical College is on the
road to the Cemetery; the Divinity College on
the road to the Poor House, and the Law
, School on the road 10 the Jail"
o. Occasionally we come across an adyer
tisement worth pondering over. Here is 'ont
> on 'em: "The subscriber is open 10 contract
for the washing OF a few respectable familet
in a superior manner and en- reasonable terms.
e Great attention paid 10 ladies'. Address &c."
n nT"You can do anything if you only have
patience" says our old fogy uncle, who made
II his fortune by being planted in the old ;owr
f. when corner lots We're worth only ten dollar.
v an acre, and waited till he woke up one morn
ing 10 find them worth three dollars foot.
Parental INSTRUCTION." son." sait
y Mr.. Smith 10 his boy who was devouring ar
egg, "do you know that chickens come out
l. of eggs I" "Ah, do they, father 2" said the
young hopeful, al thought that eggs came ou
of chickens" Mr. Smith stared at his son
J. and was silent"
O. nTP,easlre owes ills greet zest TO aniicipa
l. tion; the promise OF shilling fiddle will Zee
le school. boy in happiness for a whole year,
IN The fun connected with its possession vii
I'd expire in an hour. Now, what is true
g. schoolboys is equally true Of men. All the,
at differ is in the price Of their fiddles.
rs PRESSED For CorY.-An editor Of an Iris
d1 ne wspaper being hard pressed 10 furnish fe
lines of copy 10 fill up column, told his fore
T. man "to kill child at Waterford" "W
ng have killed the child, and still want tv
If. Iines," was the reply. "Well, then con.r
le, dict the statement"
ar
,se UP"Why," said gentleman, in the cour
m. OF on argument on The price Of putty, ''it's
led plain as that two and two make four"
''That, also, deny" retorted his antagoni
l.for two and two make twenty-two." T
be- gentleman settled several inches in his boo
and politely offered his opponent his hat.