Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1855-01-17


en- by his conveyance, but claimed to have dis
covered some kind of northwest passage-some
exclusive path scross lots;' and she advocated
her right of way with all her woman's power
oftongue-in fact, they agreed only tolerable-
'Arcades ambo' both celestials, but of diifer-
ent breed-B. d. says that some time since they
joined issue on the DEVILS head, one asserting
that he has horns, and the other maintaining
that his birthstone friend is muley.
They both pitched into the Pope-abused all
foreigners, denouced the Church of Rene,
walked into the affections of the Catholics gen.
erally-talked learnedly of priests, ,lnquisitions,
dungeons, ,thumbscrews, martyrs, converts, nun
neries and other luxuries, as being the only le-
gitimate offspring ofthe mother ofabominations
the scarlet woman; and, in fact, seemed to be
having the field entirely to themselves, when,
10. a change over the spirit of the gospel
shows for in the midst Of the crowd suddenly
| appeared third combatant-his classic dress
and intellectual face gave unmistal1able evil
! dence that he was from the Gem Of the Ocean
With the dignifed and majestic beaing pc
culiar to his countrymen, he slowly mounted
the steps and took position directly between
the two, and in voice strongly tinctured with
the ''sweet brogue,'' announced himself the
champion Of that much slandered gentleman
the Pope of Rome. At this astounding impu-
| dence the woman for single instant held her
| peace. Gabe was so taken aback that he
seemed about TO collapse, but he rallied, play
ed an ad-libitum interlude on the tin horn ,and
all hands sspitched in,'' Gas Miss Agnes Rob
| ertson says.) Gabriel commenced the onset
! by asserting that the Pope is not strictly
| batchelOr, but had seven white wives in his par
lor, thirteen ditto bound in law calf in the Ii
| brary, hundred and forty one golden-haired
damSels in his private apartments, and per-
feet harem of jetty beauties in the coal hole.
Pettieoats followed, by saying that he break
tasted on Protestant babies; drinks whiskey
punch out of Protestant clergyman's skull
has an abducted Protestant virgin to black his
boots; ffty-scyen Protestant widows TO dig his
potatoes and hoe his corn, and that he rolls
ten pins every afternoon with the heads of
Protestant orphan children.
Irishman Indignantly denied all-said the !
country is going to the Old Nick, and some |
fine morning we shall wake up and find that
the Pope, unable longer to endure our perverse-
ness, has sunk us all forty miles deeper than
ancient Sodom; said that his Holiness can I
send us all to pcrditon by one wink of his left |
eye; that he is the head ofthe Church ofEarth; |
has all the power to save or otherwise; could !
get us all out Of Purgatory, and send us all ski
tin in to Heaven by wagging his little finger; |
that he could, like Joshua number ,, make /
the sun and moon stapd still: make the planets
dance an astronomical jigadoon; cause the
hills and mountains to execute mighty geo
logical jig, while old ocean should beat the
time against the blue vault of Heaven, and APP
plauding Angels encore the huge situations.
Gabe said he didn't believe the yarn. Pet
ticoats remarked something about the STAR
SPASaLED BANNER being always right side up.
ITishman proceeded to describe the future
home of the happy in another world place
where there shall be plenty ofpotatocs, no end
Of slillelahs, oceans of genuine whiskey and
where no Know Nothing Yankee shall be al
lowed to come and kick up plug-muss.
At the word Know Nothing there was great
sensation. Symptoms of free fight rapidly
developed into an unciYil war. Petticoats got
mixed up with the crowd, and presently emerg-
ed rather the worse for wear, barefooted, hair
down, nose injured by collision, eye in mourn
ing, mouth bloody, and her whole appearance
reminding me OF q sow that hath eaten her nine
farrow,'-I forgot who penned this opposite
quotation, and asked Bull Doggc, who being
excited by the fray, angrily asserted that it is
by SsNero' or some other id old cuss,'' is it
Irishman was taken away by seven policemen
in his national carriage, wheclbarrow. Ga
briel came out unhurt, save that he his elegant
features were somewhat marred by the finger
over, I turned to go, leaving the self-elated
angel Gabriel a straddle of hydrant, ,edifying
the passers-by by alternately sounding notes of
victory upon his horn, and growing like an
ovcrgrown Shanghai. Yours, deyotedly,
Q. X. PHILANDER DoEsTICks, p. b.
COMFY OYE.''-One hour lost in the morn
ing by lying in bed, viii put back and may
frustrate all the business of the day.
One hole in the fence viii cost ten times as
much as to fix it at once.
One bad habit indulged in or submitted to
win sink your power of self government, as
quickly as one leak viii sink ship. 5
One drinker win Keep family poor and in
trouble. 9
70 a good anecdote is told of an old meth c
odist preacher, who met an old acqu aintance
who was magistrate. He asked the minis
ter why he didn't do as the Saviour did-rida
an ass. 7
Because said the divine, sthe people have i
taken them all to make magistrates Of