Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1855-07-20
EVENING STAR.
A QUAKER JUMPING A DITCH

~ well Us IN name, ana HeZekldh was Hlck-
ory Quakery. He was somewhat of an old
bachelor, aud had q sister that was somewhat
of an old maid But she was the best crea-
ture alive; straight as a candle. blooming as q
rose, and smiling as charity. Her name was
Dorcas
Hezekiah AMI DOrcas walked on one Sun
day afternoon, in the blooming month of May
TO breathe the fresh air, and view the rnea-
dows. The walking was smooth and delight
ful, with no manner of obstructions, except
here and there ditch full Of water, spanned
by a few hedges, and too wide for a man of
ordinary jumping capacity TO cross at a single
bound. But Hezekiah valued himself, rs fat
people commonly do, on his agility, and in
stead of walking a few rods for the sake of a
bridge, he must needs leap every ditch he
| came 10.
The, d better not try that, Hezekish, ="
said his kind and coasiderate sister.
"Never thee mind, DOrcas.' replied Heze-
kiah, - there no danger; I've jumped big
ger ditch when l wasn't half my present
size
All that's very likely, but recollect thee's 8
grown exceedingly pursy since thee was a
young man ~
"Pursy, Wei, if have, that's no reason
why L should ut be as agile as before; tell
tie, Doccas, | can jump This ditch without as
much a. touching a finger"
Aye, but thee Il touch thy feet to the bot
tom
Thee : but n vomsr, Dorcas, and thy fears
magnify this ditch even to a river. Now stand
thee aside that may havo a full sweep. ac-
cording To my abilities
Nay, brother Hezekiah. thee'd better not
The ditch is wide and the bottom muddy
and thee II assurcdly poll thy sunday clothes,
if no worse
90, fudge for your fears, girl; they shall
not stay me jnt Nay, DO not hold me, fr
ain resolved 10 jump this ditch, if it were
merely to convince thee of my agility
Accordingly, Hezekiah went back a few
yards la order that he might have fair lup
| and that the impulse thereof might carry him
over. Having retracted far enough, he came
forward with momentum propOrtiOned to his
weight and veiocity-and found himself L. the
ditch. The water splashed around on all
sides, and bespotted the Sunday clothes Of
Dorcas, who could not, with all her Quak r
sc6riety and kind feeling, help bursting into
loud laugh There was H,zekiah showing
his agility, and houndering in the mud like a
whale. The water Was not so deep as to be
dangcrous-and the scene was too irresistibly
comic for even saint to abstain from lau gh-
ing, though on the Lords day
AT length, when her visibility would allow
her power OF speech, Dorcas kindly held out
her hand, and said - Come hither Hezekiab
and II help thee ont
Well. well, returned the founierer in a
tone OF vcxa.jon-'' thee does we'll, Dorcas to
stand there and laugh at meas though il
were mere sport to see Inc stick in the mud and
water up to my very middle"
Nay, nay, Hezckiah, thee has shown tby
agility 50 marvelOusiy that L could not help
being please, for the life Of me-and now
take shame 10 myself for opposing thee so
strenuousiy. or for having doubted thy capa-
city for jumping But if thee's satisfied with
thy exploit, and ready to come forth will
lend thee hand t, help thee out"
Thus saying, Dorcas drew near the ditch
but Hezekiah having got himself in Dy his
unaided power, declared he would get himself
out In the same way. But the mud was deem
and adhesive; and ~ he got one foot out he
got the other in; and thus he continued to la
Dor and plunge till he was satisfied his own
ability was better calculated 10 help him in
than to help him out of the ditch He grew
wrOth, and so far forgot the plain Language
that he exclaimed BY
" Don thee swear, brother Hezekiah, in
terrupted Dorcas.
. Swear" roared Hezakiah. Thea a swesr
too II thee was III here, -
Swear not at all, Hezckiah, hut even lend
me thy hand, and III use my ability to pull
thee out, according to the scripture. which
sayeth-lt thine OK or thine ass fall into a
ditch on the sabbath day
Now, sister Dorcas, thee is too bad. Verify
mer animal, nor 50 stupid al the latter"
As tothy weight, returned DorcaS thee
must be pretty well satisfied by this time; and
as for thy stupidity, i: were indeed unsisterly
to iikcu thee tothe long cared animal But If
thee Is satisfied on these points, and will forth
with reach lie thine hand, III do as much as
III me lieth tu bring thee safe t. and
Hezeki2h was pretty we'll convinced Ly this
time, that his own ability would never fetch
him out; wherefore, humbly reaching his
hand TO Dorcas, he said verify, sister I will
sccept thy aid, inasmuch as my own ability
hath deceived me"
Dorcas kindly lent her assistance; and. mill
ing vigorously, Lezckiah at length came to
land. Shaking OFF mud and water like p
spaniel, be returned home but charging his
sister by the way never 10 mention how he
came TO his catastrophe. DOrcas promised. of
course; aud rs she was a girl of truth and
KIND feelings, she was as good as her word
But once or twice when they were in company
with sundry other QuakerS, discoursing soberly
about matters and things, Dorcas looking
archly ut another girl, merely said" Did
ever tell thee, Rachel, how brother Hezekiah
one Sunday
Hezekiah turned an emb9 9rrassing and i'm
ploling look towards her, and she said
Nay, nay. HezekiaL, Im not going 70
tell-but merely g 'SN if 1 ever had told
how the Showla '!iy agility one Sunday, and
jumped III the middle of a ditch
WITTY PEOPLE.-A writer in the Southern
Quarterly Review has the following sensible
remarks ON wits by profession:
''Ihe witty person, who is not spoiled, IS the
most agreeable character in society Unfor