The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1855-01-31

Meier wed man whom his own sex despise,
However pleasing TO your partial eyes,
For such have always something in their nature
In common with the fop or petit -maitre
Should both the Indies all their mines unfold
And bid you barter happiness for gold,
Never be duped by any vernal plan
To wed the treasure and detest the man.
But, though I would not wish Q lady's heart
Set up for sale in matrimonial mart
Unless the purchaser make better profers
Than that Of all the wealth in Mammon's Golfers,
Let not the blind god urge you to dispense
With fair prospect of competence;
The most afectionate and well matched pair
Will find it hard to live on love and air;
Wrapt in the Elysium Of connubial bliss,
Food, fire and raiment. will not come amss;
Love is an epicure, and never dincd
Like chameleon, Oh the north east wind
-@-----=
The general commanding our militia has
been member Of the legislature. Among biz
many oddities and eccentrictities he is a yentri
LOCUST. Like other great military men, he is
remarkably susceptible TO the charms of the
fair sex: Some time since he became enamor-
ed with smart young damsel, whose prudent
parents seemed to think needed watching, and
ought not to keep company alone. Wishing
one night to have a little private conversation
with the damsel, he resorted to the following
expedent: Walking to the window he looked
out-soon cry for help was heard from the
outside. Mac responded, and enquired what
was the matter. The reply was little Johnny
Brown is down the well, and his folks want
every body to come with ropes and get him
him out The old folks and the girl proceed
ed with great haste to put on overcoats, shawls,
hats, and bonnets, and started for the door.
AS the old people went out, and Mary Ann
was about following suit, Mac gave her sig
nifcant wink, which Altered her determine
ton; but he cot rid Of the old folks. Brown
lived mile off, and the travellers found when
they reached the house, that they had been
essentially fooled, and that Johnny instead Of
being in the well, was doing as well as could
be expected Of any body Of his age.
When they returned, wrath was depicted
in every feature, but soon gave way, in
measure, to wonder, as to who had played the
trick. Mac, upon being questioned, stated,
with much apparent regret at the necessity for
the statement, that the voice sounded to him
very much like that of Bill Brooks.
The duped parties were prepared to believe
any statement which would furnish them with
an object for their wrath, and Bill Brooks was
soon warned not to set his foot under the old
mans mahogany any more. So the general
got rid Of rival.
Kendall, Of the New Orleans Picayune, re-
lates the following, which occurred in his
presence at Baden in Germany:
At this juncture we were joined BY an Eng
lsh party, when the subject matter brought
up was battling
T take cold sponge bath every morning,
when at home, said John Bull.
SO DOL retorted the yankee.
s'Winter and summer" continued the Eng
lishman.
my system exactly" responded the yam
kee.
is your weather and water cold@ queried
John Bull
Fright chilly continued brother Jonathan.
'stHow cold?'' inquired John.
$50 cold that the water all freezes as pour
it down my back, and rattles upon the floor in
the shape Of hail!' responded the yankee with
the same cunning twinkle of the eye. Were
you in the next room TO me as | am taking
my sponge bath Of cold winters morning,
you would think was pouring dry beans down
my back!''
The Englishman shrugged his shoulders as
with chill, and maryeled.
When Greene had command Of brigade in
New York, a soldier of col. Angeles regiment
was brought before him for being found drunk,
while On duty as sentinel. 80, sir, you get
drunk on duty, do you?" inquired Greene, in
an angry tone.
Eyes, general, I admit it, was the prompt
reply.
"Why did you do 50? The consequence,
in the face Of an enemy, might have destroy
ed the whole army"
'.For that very reason, sir, | got drunk
There was live toad in the water, and having
charge of the rum cask, I turned the rum in,
to see how much it would take to kill the toad
for didn't want to destroy my comrades
'.Well, sir, how much did it take to kill the
toad?'' asked Greene, hardly able to restrain
himself
1.-Two gallons Of rum to one Of water, gem
eral, as I'm man Of truth
''And what did you do with the rum and
water afterwards"
Three of us, general, fearing it might do
harm TO the rest Of the soldiers, undertook the
honorable experiment of swallowing it our
selves, and | can truly say, general, that an
extract of toad and rum makes terrible head
ache next morning."
'sWell, I'll excuse you this time" said the
general, 'sbut remember, no more extract Of
rum and toad"
n genuine @DOWH caster was iateIY at
tempting to appropriate square Of exceeding
ly tough beef at dinner, in Wisconsin hotel.
His convulsive efforts with knife and fork at
tracted the attention and the smiles Of the rest
of the company, who were in the same pre-
dicament as himself At last Jonathan's patti
cnce vanished under his i'll success, when Law
ing down his utensils, he burst out with
Strangers, you needn't laf-if you hain't cot
no regard for the landlords feelings, you ortes
have some respect for the old built This sal
~ brought down the house
1t is chiefly young ladies Of narrow under
standing who wear shoes too small for them.
A young lady who took the eye Of every
body, has been arrested for stealing.
People should understand that it is cheap
er, and in every respect much better, to look
up neglected children, and to educate them,
than to hang them when older.
Labor is school of beneyolence as well as
justice. Next unto virtue, let children be
trained to industry.
Hollyhock says that character is a good
enough institution to help fellow along in the
world, but that cash is much better.