The Evansville daily journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ia. [i.e. Ind.]) 1848-1862, 1855-09-04
TEN CENTS PER WEEK,
NUMBER 100. -. -3f
MAINE LAW BIBLES.


and thin visaged. His eyes were small, gray,
and penetrating. His hair was a genuine yell
low. He was dressed in light, thin pants,
somewhat too short small, thin sack coat,
made of blue striped material, near relation
to bed ticking, fancy vest, ditto crayat, and
a white hat. His socks hung over pair of
patent leather shoes. Mr.. Keener talked
through his nose with decided twang which,
together with his other characteristics, bespoke
him to be of New England birth. an T5er a..y
Officer Slasher testified that about O'Clock
on Monday night he was patroling his beat,
when he ancied he heard noise around the
corner. He proceeded to the spot where he
found Mr.. Keener elevated ON "a dry7goods box
making a speech on Temperance to quite a
number of persons who were standing about
him and laughing at his remarks He soon dis
covered that Keener was drunk, and only able q
70 hold himselfin a perpendicular position by.
keeping hold of a lamp post with his left hand
In his remarks he expatated largely on the
beauties of Temperance, and adverted to him
IsefaS an instance ofthe evil effects Of using in
toxcating liquors to excess, and he advised
them all to take warning by his example. In
conclusion, he offered to administer the total
abstinence pledge to any who desired it for
Isixpence, and for three cents more he offered to
give in drink of brandy to the convert to Tenn 81
lperance. Mr.. Keener being quite drunk, officer
Slasher thought it best to bring him to the Sta
ton House, which he forthwith proceeded to
do. He brought with him also a basket which
he supposed was Mr.. Keener's, containing about {
a dozen Bibles and about the same, number of
pieces of crockery made in imitation of books.
| Judge-Mr. Keener, what have you got to
say for yourselffor getting drunk? 1si.l
| Mr.. Keener-I guess the least said the soon
or the matter is mended Is a3
aWhere did you get your liquor?'' s5+.s.-
| "Perhaps yew mean, Squire, from what
passage in the book | got my spiritual inspira-
l ton? l 1oaal ol 3l9 5f
'Any way you please, Mr. Keener' oxe
Mr.. Keener here held up one of the crockery
books and pointed to a cork in one of its ends.
He drew the cork and handed the bottle (for
such it was) to the Judge. 95aI 70
Mr.. Keencr-There, Judge, smell of that,
and if yew don't come to the conclusion that a
man can get spiritual consolation from that
passage, then yew amt much posted up in
scrpter. A''E .o9--o aafI
Judge-What do you mean, Sir? (smelling'
tie mouth Of the bottle.) This is liquor in
this crockery book" ,.... 3, t.r H., a.r.r.f,,.
"Waal, Judge, if yew amt cute, only yew
hain't learned to call things by their new
names. Its what | call speritpal consolation"
care you engaged in peddling these2''g aer3
l.
at by folks that haint got any 'cuteness.1
"Well Sir, you are amenable for violation
ofthe prohibitory law, provided the witnesses
can be found who have seen you sell these?"
"But yew haint heerd the hull story yet,
Judge; | sell both kinds; here, Judge, is the
rale ginboine Bible, King James's version,
which carry along with me- and alters offer
that for sale first; ifthey buy it, well and good;
| if they turn up their noses at the, rale unadul-
terated Gospel | take the cork out Of one ofthe
hard-shells and let 'em smell ofthe counterfeit,
and | ask 'em whether i can't still sell 'efn
some sort of Bible; they sing different tune
then, and if they don't buy they treat me with
proper respect"
(which kind do you sell the most of?' 1lfa
"Fm sorry to say, Judge, for the morals of
| the people that sell twenty copies Of the
Icounterteit gospel to one of the gipooine. But
never offer the counterfeit until see positive
evidences of their being given over to hardness
heart by their refusin' to buy the real scrip
ters. Yew see, Judge, if they are bound tew
be sinners, it don't make much difference if
they become little more sd.''
'Sir, shall have to fine you ten dollars for
drunkenness - s' I1roI
'fWell, Judge, guess can pay it. In one
day, with good luck | kin make it up again.
Only in the future l guess I'll manage not to
take much Sperital consolation to myself So
here's the TIM ~ sfAH
Mr.. Joshua Keener passed over $40 bank
note and then left the premises with his basket
and bibles.-[M Z. .IrT6. goy
o. The editor of the Johnstown Echo re-
Gently became the presentee of a new suit
which completely destroyed his identity. Hear
him:
" In our new costume we promenaded the
streets, meeting numerous and one time init
mate friend, who, after being saluted, old rem
iniscences revived, and explanations made, rec
ognized us. Strangers, upon hearing our name
mentioned, supposed we were Smith the bank
er One of our neighbors, after being satisfied
of the identity, kindly accompanied us home
and introduced US to our family. Our wife
was overoyed at meeting us, but our children
seemed rather distrdstful, and were some time
in becoming familiar" rasf --,r
A SUICIDAL MoNKEY.-The Springfield,
Mass. Republican must be held responsible for
the following g 81
"A gentleman of West Harwich had occa-
sion last week to chide pet monkey the an
imal was so chagrined that he went directly to
an clubhouse and hung himself f
fer In 'Christie Johnson'-a spirited book
written by Chas Read, the heroine replies to
Young lord, who proposes to marry her, as fol-
lows "The man [ marry must have two
tbings-virtues and vices--you have neither
Won do nothing, and will never do anything
but sketch and hum tunes, dance and dangle"