Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-09-20
Ben, Auste \ Stissors.

pieces9
DSome lazy fellow spells Tennessee after
this faShion-l0sc.
GTBe the same to your friends both in pros
perity and adversely.
GTThe fellow who "cracked joke" has
sent it 10 be repaired.
GtTHe that loses his conscience has moth
ing left worth keeping.
rrWhat kind OF docter would duck
make A Quack doctor.
UTAt indianapolis they have a dancing
school kept by Mr. and Mrs. Shanks.
DWhy would tying horse TO posi- seem
to improve his pace Because it would make
him fast.
(erThe old bachelor who had been wait
ing for The "lapse Of ages' has finally tried the
laps of young ladies, and is quite pleased with
the result.
CURE FOR LovE.-TIide IN q closet and listen
10 a conversation between couple who have
been married year, while they think them
selves unheard.
! GTh well known gent having Ieen arrested
for stealing gold watch, gave as an excuse
that he was unwell, and The doctor advised
him to take something.
Too LATE.--'My dear SIR said candidate
acccosting sturdy wag on the day OF election.
'Pm very glad 10 see you The wag replied,
you needa't be-Pye,' voted.
MI A bachelor the other morning remarked
that wives who use the needle are like the en-
emy spoken Of in the parabe-they sep tares
While Nh he mn Sha nlmau S1eenS
GTAn old divine said 10 young preacher,
who had just preached lennon of the in
tenSely horrible order. 'You are too howery.
and your flowers are the flowers Of sulphur"
aJA parson reading funeral service at the
grave, forgot the sex ofthe deceased, and asked
one Of the mourners, an Emerader, is this
brother or sster?' 'Neither,' replied Pat
'only cousin
gT'Sam, why am your head like de moon!'
'Pse give dat up, chile prognosticate.' Be
cause It is supposed 10 be Inhabited. Yah,
yah! Sam turned up the white Of his eyes and
scratched his wool!
6TA learned Judge, efter hearing ford
discourse from an ambitious young lawer, ad-
vised him 10 pluck some Of the feathers from
n the wings Of his Imagination, and put them ia
= th= tail Of his judgment.
A uPA coxcomb, talking Of the transmgratioR
+. OF souls, said, la the time Of Moses, l have
no doubt was the golden calf Very like
b iy,' replied lady "time has robbed you Of
e nothing but the gildiHg."
GTIt is currently reported that there is an
. editor in Boston who shaves every morning,
nuts on three clean shirts week, wears good
- hats and wears his boots always BACKED! II
). is evident that the man is insane.
G-JA stranger was passing house where
there was evidently funeral, coffin sitting
near the door. Perceiving an honest son OF
~ Erin hard by, he inquired who was dead
- "Well, sure an I'm not positive" says Pat,
;. "but believe it's the jntleman in the coffin"
hFDon't attempt too much. Knives that
contain 80 blades, 40 cork screws, and boot
Jack, are very seldom brought in to action; aud
for this reason, in attempting too much they
have become so clumsy and ponderous that
men Of small patience can't "get the hang" oil
them.
MA lovesick young man is piable Oh
iect. His ideas are centered upon ringtet
blue eyes, spotted muSlinS aud such like dan
gerous attractions. Rents, marketing, doctors
bills and other incidentalS to matrmony never
enter his head.
uJ'Inthe year 1884 the Legislature of Penn
syvana, 10 abolish practice then prevailing
passed the following resolutions, after consd
erable opposition. That hereafter no mem
ou Der, shall come into the chamber bare efooted
nor eat his bread and cheese on the steps o.
he the CAPITOL.
At GJ'A lady said 10 gentleman who had ac
'ay componled her and her sister 10 church.
md "Why, it rans--send and get an umbIe LA.
"Why," said the beau, "you ore neithe
sugar nor salt, rain will not hurt YOU"
"No,' said the lady, "bnr we arc lasses.
m. He sent for one Immediately.
nT"Its quite TOO bad OF ye Darby, 10 so
o nS your wife is worse thaa the DEVIL can
t' U' plaze your riverence, can prove it by tn
~ Holy ScriptUre-l can, be the powers OF mud
IN i Didn't your riverence, in SeImin yesterda
% '%e' tell us that if we resisted the devil he'd file
aNe from US? Now, if resist my wife she fit
I'm. atme j
nan NJ One Of the townsmen meeting with on
law of the Siroling organs PLAYERS, was inclined
the engage in conversation with him and aSke
s Of hlm:
ling what part in the grand trama Of life do 20
illh perform p
our 4 mind my own business was The brief ar
iod pointed reply.
ler,
will uJ1'Ma.' said young miss 10 her molht
art The other day, what is emgroingP
nan 'Emigraing, dear, is young lady going
'udS California
,lier what is colonization, ma =
less Colonization, dear, is marrying there al
lille having family
h so MA, should like 10 go 10 California
uj-"Well, Pat, my good fellow" said vi
torious general TO brave son of Erin, after
I|M > rni battle. "and what did yoL do 10 help US "a
,hoa t'u, this victory" "Do?" replied Pat, can m
&c. it place yer honor, walked bouldly up to o
SOL Of the inimy and cut of his iut..' "Cut
he his foot and why did you not cut of his head
var asked II e general. "Ah, an faith, tLot "
off already" said Pat.
ola uA young lady from tho country being
diff vited to q psrty, was told by her city couS
tie TO fix up. and put her best foot foremost'
en- order 10 catch besu-'she looked so gTe
sees in her country attire
now The country damsel, looked comically II
aid the face Of her Iather faded relsiive aud