Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1855-01-10
A Quaker jumping = Ditch.

can neither give aOr take away.
a Quaker Jumping Ditch
Hezekiah BroadHim was fat Quaker, -
in the State Of New jersey, who sold nolas-
ses, Goldfish, china, and carthenware, clothes,
and all sorts. OF iliqqors. He vas sornewhat
sD0an = sk&c1 ~ and i, .s;ster who VA,
somewhat of sn oid maid But she WIS tie
best creature alive; straight as a candle,
blooming as a rose, and smiling as charity.
Her name was Dorcas.
Hezekiah and Dorcas walked ont one Sun
day afternoon. in the blooming month OF
May, to breathe the fresh air aud view the
meadows. The walk was smooth and de-
Gghtful with no manner of distractions, ex-
cept here and there ditch full of water,
spanned by few bridges, and too wide for
any man of ordinary jumping capacity to
cross at simple bound But Hezekiah val
ued himself, as fat people commonly do, on
his agility and instead of walking few
additional rods for the sake of bridge, must
needs leap every ditch he came to.
Thee'd better not try that, Hezekiah,'
said his kind and considerate sister.
Never thee mind, Dorcas,' returned Hez-
ekiah, there's no danger. I've jumped
many bigger ditch when | wasn't half my
present size
All that is verly likely. But recoIlect,
Hezekiah, thee's grown exceedingly pursey
since thee was young man.
Pursey! Well if have, that is no reas-
on why should not be as agile as before
tell thee, Dorcas, | can jump this ditch
without so much as touching finger
'Ay, but thee'll touch thy feet to the
bottom
fhee's but a woman, Dorcas, and thy
fears magnify this narrow ditch even TO q
| river. Now stand thee aside, that | may
have full sweep. according to my Abilities
Nay, brother Hezekiah, thee'd better not,
The ditch is wide, and the bottom muddy ;
and thee'll surely spoil thy Sunday clothes,
if no worse
"A fudge for thy fears, gill--they shall
not stay me jot. Nay, do not hold me,
for am resolved TO jump this ditch, if il
were merely to convince thee of my agility.
Accordingly, Hezekiah went back a few
al y~-a>s:-. s-.las- thai ha might have fsir run
and that the impulse thereof might carry
him over. Having retreated far enough. he
came forward with a momentum propotion
ed to bis weight and velocity, and found him
self in the middle of the ditch The waite
: splashed round all sides, and bespattere,
= = the Sunday clothes of Doreas, who coul,
not, with all her Quaker sobriety and kin,
feeling, help bursting into loud laugh
There was Hezekiah showing his agility. an,
: founderng in the mud like whale. Th
water was SO deep as to be dangerous, anc
the scene was too irresistibly comic for eve,
. saint to abstain from laughing, though O,
the LORDS day.
At length, when her risibity would ALLOW
Z her the power of speech, Dorcas kindly hel,
u out her hand and said
Come hither, brother Hezekiah, and II
I help thee out
. Well, WE'LL returned the founderer in
tone of yexation, thee does WELL Dorcas. t,
y stand there and laugh at me, as though \
- were mere sport TO stick in the mud up t
. my very middle
= Nay, nay, Hezekiah. thee has shown tn,
agility SO marveously, that I could not he'll
,o being pleased, for the life of me; and [ nov
= take shame to myselffor having opposed the,
SO strenuously, or for having single monen
:. doubted thy capacity for jumping. But j
% thee is satisfied with thy exploit, and is read
to come forth. ...Pll lend thee hand out
= Thus saying, Dorcas drew near to the edg
~, ,lS Of the ditch; but Hezekiah, having got him
AS self in by his own unaided power declare,
he would get himself ont in the same wav
~ But the mud was deep and adhesive, an
II as fast as he got one foot out, he got th
IL other in and thus he continued to labor an
ei plunge till he was fully satisfied his own abb
y ity was poorly calculated to help him out
!: ditch. He grew wro:h and used har
na IA words, and so far forgot plain language tia
III y. he exclaimed
~ ~ BY the-'
~ Don't thee swear, brother Hezekiah,' il
II terrupted Dorcas.
Ia Ia Swear! roared Hezekiah, thee'd swe
ne ne too. if thee was in here
~ ~ Swear not at all, Hezekiah, but even lei
sne sn me thy hand, and I'll use my ability to pu
=; thee out, according to the Scripture, viii
~ lo saith, If thine OK or ass shall fall into dit
- OF the Sabbath day
He Now, sister Dorcas, thee is TOO bad.
,lv Verify thee would not make me so heavy
At the former animal, nor so stupid as the latter
AS to thy weight, returned Dorcas, th
oon must be pretty well satisfied by this tim
one as for the stupidity, it were indeed unsister
to liken thee to the long-eared animal. b
If thee is satisfied on those points, and "
''eu forthwith reach thine hand, I'll do as mu
use as in me Iieth to bring thee safe TO land
Hezekiah was pretty well convinced
this time that his own ability would ne,
ady fetch him out, wherefore, humbly reachi
"no his hand to Dorcas, he said
an sVeriIy, sister, will accept thy aid, in
our much as my own ability hath grievously {
'ruS ceived me-
IN IN Dorcas kindly lent her assistance, and pl
Tue ed vigorously. Hezekiah at length come
: ~ y. land, and shaking off the mud and water |
'ne spaniel, he returned home; but chare
his sister by the way, never to mention
he came to bis catastrophe. Dorcas promis
say' Of course; and as she was girl of truth {
'''01 kind feelings, she was as good as her VIC