The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1855-04-21
NO DIE Is u NM"

TO DIE Is GAM
\ dull. heavy sense of pain through nv
temples. and sinking Of spirits that is weigh
nu me down like an incuhu>-a faint beating
OF my heart. and at LONGER intervals than IL
snaI. while nv veins show through the clear
and almost transparent skin, dead. >taSnant
purplc-a wcarnc>>, which is wholly in its
ori.in Of the spirit, and yet is felt in every
nerve and sincw. and JOINT. and bonc-a
WEAKNESS of the flesh and spirit-,n Hide
fined dread, an utter hoper>>ncS> disregard
ot Consequences, a blank despair, in which
body and soul svmpallizc-a life for the time
apparently aimlc>>, purpo>clcSS, trui,!c>>
existence. which has done no good, can do no
drn-an hour IN which thankiulnc>> and cra-
,itndc, and praise and song have no place :;
when the light upon the path have come
reveals only its driormitcs and pitfalls, ami
its thousand stones of Stumbling when IN
no pleasant thing appcars-whcn friendship
and love are to me but tbc bitterness of re-
proach, while my heat longs more han cv-
er for them, and vet feel that they are not
mine by right. that ] should crv ont Ike a
. lepcr, unccan. unclcan. and with my lips
burning with the fever of thirst, should fly
from the pure fountains lest should pollute
their crystal waters when every insult. and
wrong, and contumcly that /! have endured
seem exaggerated, aggravated, and, worse
than all, d,s'rr'd, and are burning like a
flame in NV memory when hate the world
and its successful men. because believe they
! hate ard dcspl>c mc-whcn my own in>i .nlf
canoe and utter wor,hlrssncs>, nv bankrupt
cy Of character, position and ability are burn
Ing into my spirit with an anguish more ter
, ribIy painful than fire on the living flesh and
: nerve-wh"n the insolcncc of power, an,
wealth, and tal ent. the neglect of men of
rank and position, or. what is worse, pat
: ronIzlng manner and a gracious cond'sccn
sion that shows more plainly than ncglec,
how hi gh M,y are. and how low I am, seen
to be printed in great staring capitals in tn.
, broad daylight, and to be proclaimed on The
house tops, and at the corners Of the street,
when shrink from the gaze of all men
from the high and the proud, lest they shoult
think | possessed mean and cringing spirit
and from the poor and outcast. lest the,
: should claim me as brOther-when | an
: restless, uneasy, unsati>icd. with curse OF
I my lips and IN my heart-when the ligh; ha
! become darkness to me- and desire has taile,
all this forcing itself upon me from above
t beneath and around, has made me to-da,
n wish that the grave had, years ago, buried N,
5 deep in its cold bosom, out Of sight. | nj sh
then he Scn,clcss, like the cloJ, and not Sc,
e the eyes that lock duwnupon me in scorn
. nor feel the ioo; that disdaintuily spurns me
: 10 a proud and sensitive spirit, straitene'
$ by poverty, and struggling Tor life, the neg
: Iect, the rebuils, the supercilious advice, the
e insulting patronage Of the successful world
4 have somethingn them sharper than sword
$ cutting to the quick, and more bitter TIA,
: death and when is added to this the humii
n ating sense O! my own uniitness for life, whel
r my own weakness restrains my hand, ant
y my own cowarlce keeps nv tongue silent