Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1855-06-20
Does,icks Attends n Ladies' Fair.

Got to the Hall, paid my IS cents at the door
went in-saw plenty of long tables with ladies' BE-
hind them, playing "keep store !" tables covered
with mysterious articles of baby linen, and com
plcated pieces of female harness, designed fo
nses to me unknown, and also all sorts OF lmprac
ticable unnecessaries intended for gentlemen
slippers that you could't get on; smokng-caps
that could never, by any possibility, ut anybody
shaped like Chinese pagoda, and fnli OF llnse
and spangles to make them prickly cigar-cases
that you cuuld't get cigar into without break
ing both ends off (perhaps they expect US tc
smoke "stubs" like the news boys;) pin cush,
Ions stuffed so hard they would turn the point OF
a marne spike watch cases just big enough tc
hold three cent piece: {: pen wlpers that NIL Inc
point of pen full of wool, and divers other non
sensical inconvenience fabricated by speculatng
females, the patterns being always short, and the
stitches very long. Q suppose they think we DOM
know the difference to palm off on the vlctlm'
lied gentlemen: and they resgnedly submit to
price so exorbtant that if Chatam street lsrae-
lite had the impudence to ask it, they'd straight,
en- out his fshhook nose like darning needle.
The prettiest looking girls are always placed
where the least attractive looking merchandise is
displayed, and they ask the biggest kind of prices
trusting to the galIantry Of the gentlemen 'not tc
beat them down." flattering themselves, ! sup
pose, that their pretty looks are value received
for the exchange. One consequence of this ar
rangement is, that every buyer spends all the
money he has in his purse, taking in exchange
there for lot of stuff so utterly useless, and so RI
dcnlously absurd, that after having il on his Ia
bic for week or so to laugh at, he is fain 10 get
rid ofthe rubbish by giving the whole to his
chambermaid. Sometimes your purchases will
hold together till you leave the room, and some
times not; but you must show yourselfa man and
equal to either fortune
There was post-office pretty girl called me;
had letter for me bought it; paid ten cents
nothing in it-blank. Solicitous young lady We
ry anxious to have me give her rs cents to tell
me how much | weighed paid her the money,
and she told me within 81 l-2 pounds young
woman wanted me to invest in the grab bag"
gave half dollar and fished in, got, in three times
trying, tin whistle, half stick Of candy, and a
pea nut done up in tissue paper
Went on to the auction table, where after much
competition with ringletled miss (who was put
there to make Peter Funk bids against probable
purchasers) succeeded in bidding in China vase,
VIII soon discovered had hole in the bottom
and wouldn't hold water any more than it would
bake pork If | had bought it any where else, !
should have thought had been swnded, and
demanded my money back but here | suppose
ed it was an exemplifcation of some newly dis
covered principIeo of fair dealing, with which |
was not acquainted. Was much amused with the
way they disposed Of goods-certain number of
articles 9th ngs left at the tables tended by the
homey girls and for each article twenty tickets
were put Into hat, whence they were drawn out
singly, and the last tickets drawn were TO have
The prizes should have thought it was the same
as lottery. if had not been acquainted with the
ladies, and known they would not do any thing so
naughty.
Came to place where an old lady, with steel
spectaces, was cutting up loaf OF cake INTO
particularly small pieces asked what 1t meant (;
was told there was gold ring somewhere in the
cake, and they proposed to sell each piece for
quarter Of dollar and give the ring to the lucky
buyer; wondered if it wasn't another lottery on
small SCALE but supposed 1t couldn't be; went
to the upper room. 1t is curious metropolitan
fact that at parties, balls, or wherever refresh
ment table is spread, every man seems to regard
il his just duty TO ill himself TO the very mouth
with all the ''delicacies OF the season." and to ac-
compsh it in the least time possible, as if he
was gun and anxious to ascertain his callbre.
and find out how quickly he could be loaded in
case of necessity. And the ladies' are not far be-
hind this evening learned how much lady
can eat, in charitable cause pale faced, ball
room belle is a modern Sphinx, gasironomic
problem, whose solution will probable never be
satisfactorily expounded.
Under the impression that she would not eat
more than had money to pay for, | invited a
lady to take some refreshments, and | certainly
think that like the countryman, she imagined
that she was bound to eat all the bi-of fare call
I'd for She ate stewed oysters fried oysters,
boiled turkey with oyster sauce, celery, oysters
in the she'll, ice-cream, sponge cake and Char
lotte Russo, Roman punch, two water ices, coffee,
sandwiches, cold sausage lobster, salad, oysters
broed, also stewed again, and six on the shell,
orange jelly, grape ditto, cake; she then hinted
again at oysters. but as the supply had ran out,
she was obliged to go hungry paid the bill with
certified check on the Merchants Bank which
luckily covered the amount, and greatly relieved
my mind, for feared there would be balance
which would have to give my note for.
Having previously procured the articles re-
quired for my friend, Immediately left; got
home, and proceeded to examine my purchases,
found that the slippers having been pasted to-
gether without the slightest regard 10 permanen
cy, had come apart in my pocket; my comforter
had raveled uut-six inches comforter, and wad
of yarn big enough to make horse blanket; my
dressing gown had been made of moth eaten
remnant, and where there was any sewing every
stitch was as long as railroad, but the sleeves
had, verify believe, been put in with court plas
ter, and the long seams closed with carpenters
glue.
Made up my mind that the objects of that fem
mime institution, Ladies' Fair" are somewhat
as follows: firstly to give the ladies an opportun
ty to show their new clothes, and to talk with a
multitude of unknown gentlemen without any pre-
limnary introduction secondly, to beg as much
money as possible from the gentleman aforesaid
unless the transparent formaity of bargain and
sale includes the ''bnyer,' who is really the only
article fairly "sold." in the whole collection
thirdly. to give some money to the osientatiously
poor, if there is any left after paying the expen-
ses and the comlnite don't spend it in carrlags
hire.
@. X. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, ,P.B.
NATIVE AMERICAN CoURTsHIP.-Among othe
interesting anecdotes of the Choclaws, the n. o
Republican gives the following sketch of theil
manner of ove-making:
"Courtship is invariably begun by the female
Ifshe fancies Young man. she makes what is
technically called the first banter This il
done BY syly squeezing the hand, or gently
touching the foot at the camp fire. IL a man
should venture upon any of these little premina
lies without being sure Of a reciprocal parIiaIiiy
the indignant maid would Immediately assail him
with stick. and this would be the signal for a
general assault by all the squaws around on the
presuming lover, VINO unless he fed. would be
he,ten without mercy. Thus. even in this rude