Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1855-01-11

SPEECH OF zAoHARIAH sPIoER.


SPEECH OF zACHARIAH sPIcER.
On the question, (Which enjoys the
greatest amount of happiness, the
bachelor or the married mani"
Mr.. President and Gentlemen-I rise
to advocate the cause of the married
man. And why should not? claim
to know something about the institution,
lido. Will any gentleman pretend to
say that | do not? Let him accompany
me home. Let me confront him with
my wife and seventeen children, and
decide.
High as the Rocky Mountains tower
above the Mississippi Valley, does the
character of the married man tower
above that of bachelor. What is a
bachelor? What was Adam before he
got acquainted with Eve? What but a
Door. shiftIess, helpless, Insignificant
creature? No more to be compared
with his after-self, than a mill-dam to
the great cataract Of Niagara. Zap
plause.
Gentlemen, there was time, / blush
to say it, when l too was a bachelor;
and more miserable creature you
would hardly expect to find. Every
day / toiled hard, and at night came
home to my comfortless garret-no car
pet, no fire, no nothing. Everything
was in clutter, and in the words of the
poet,
ssnonf,s;o, ,,,,s ,,,n,-.L of III IL e,,-v,a,-o5 .
Here lay pair of pants, there dirty
pair Of boots; there a play-bill, and
here pile of dity clothes. What won
der that l took refuge at the gaming
table and bar room. l found it would
never do, gentlemen, and in lucky mo-
ment vowed to reform. Scarcely had
the promise passed my lips, when a
knock was heard at the door, and in
came Susan Simpkins after my dirty
clothes.
"Mr. Spicer," said she, "I've washed
for you six months, and / haven't seen
the first red cent in the way of pay
ment. Now I'd like to know what you
are going to do about it?''
l felt in my pocket-book. There was
nothing in it, and / knew it well enough.
"Miss Simpkins," said 1, ''it's no use
denying it. l haven't got the pewter.
I wish for your sake had"
"There," said she promptly, 81 don't
wash another rag for you"
"Stop," said l. "Susan, 1 will do
what I can for you. Silver and gold
have none; but if my heart and hand
will do, they are at your service"
care you in earnest?" says she, look
ing little suspicious.
"Never more SO" says /.
"Then," says she, Gas there seems
to be no prospect of getting my pay any
other way, guess I'll take up with your
offer"
Enough said. We were married in a
week; and what's more, we haven't re-
pented it. No more antics for me, gen.
tlemen. l live in good house, and
have somebody to mend my clothes
When / was poor miserable bachelor,
gentlemen, 1 used to be as thin as a
weazel. Now 1 am as plump as a
porker.
In conclusion, gentlemen, if you want
to be poor ragged devil, without
coat to your back, or shoe to your foot;
if you want to grow old before your
time, and as uncomfortable, generally,
as ''hedge-hog rolled up the wrong
way" advise you to remain bache-
lor; but if you want to live decently
and respectfully, get married. I've got
ten daughters, gentlemen, [overpower-
ing applause, and you may have your
pick.
Mr.. Spicer sat down amid long con-
tinued plsudits. The generous proposal
with which he concluded secured him
five sons-in-laW.