The Evansville daily journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ia. [i.e. Ind.]) 1848-1862, 1855-03-14
From the London Punch
POLITICAL PIE
THE NAPIERAND THE GRAHAM.

amused Wire their contents.
Sir James.-Dear me, dear me! Shock
ing Encouragement, upon my word; shock
ing, indeed. Poor Newcastle! (Reads.)-
"No arrangement, no system, everybody at
cross-purposes in the Crimea." Very sad.
Ha ha! An amiabe man-too amiable-
but very incapable. Ha! ha! How he does
catch it, Sidney Herbert, too-they give it
to him hot and hot. Ha! hal ought to be
thankful. My lines have fallen in pleasant
places. Not much to annoy me. Expedi.
tons out of my hands. Sadly severe, these
papers; but perhaps where men require, like
my friends Dukey and Sid, to be kept UP to
the collar, good ship hand is the right
thing. (Reads.) "Helpless and brainless,
those who should administer the system--"
Servant enters
Servant.-Sir Charles Napier, my Lord.
Sir James (discomforted.)- 1.-THE d.
Checking himselO-the dear old fellow!
Show him up instantly. (Aside.) Confound
him; when I'm alone, too. wish the porter
down stairs was policeman.
Enter Sir Charles.
Sir James (radiantly. )-Ha! my dear Sir
Charles, welcome home; welcome to the
shores of Old England, the land of the free.
Ha! ha! Give us your hand, my old sea-lion.
Sir Charles (sternly, and putting his hand
behind him)-I didn't come here to shake
hands with Sir James Graham, but to report
myself to the First Lord of the Admiralty.
Sir Jamcs--Ha! ha! Very good-very
good. wish Bernal Osborne had seen that
what capital imitation he would have
given. Excellent, my dear fellow, excellent.
suppose you have been acting amateur plays
| in the Baltic!
Sir Charles--Acting farce, Sir, an abom-
Unable farce, Sir James--an atrocious, abom-
Unable farce, my Lord-an outrageously
atrocious and abomniable farce, Sir James
Graham, First Lord of the Admiralty.
Sir James (surprised)- fighting
Charley, | declare | could almost believe
you in earnest!
Sir Charles (furious)-Don't call me
Fighting Charley, Sir. None Of your taunts,
and SCOTS, and sneers, Sir. understand you.
Sir james (silkily)-If am to understand
you, my dear Admiral, must ask you to sit
down and speak calmly and temporarily.
Sir Charles dumps into a chair)-Very
well, Sir. Do as I'm bid. Discipline's
everything. You're on your own quarter.
deck here, and have a right to give orders
| Now then.
Sir James (blandly)-The initiative is
palpably with yourself, my dear Charles.
Sir Charles-Hang your initiative and
your probabilities, too, Sir, il you come to
that. I'm plain man, Sir, and an old salt,
Sir.
Sir James (maliciously)-Salt which we
rather hoped to put upon the tail of the Rus
sian eaqle--but Fate decreed it otherwise.
Sir Charles-Fate, Sir. No such thing,
! Sir, Don't talk like id wicked Atheist,
Sir. Fate had nothing to do with it. You
didn't want to hurt the Russans--nothingo of
the kind. You wanted to hurt me, and to
spoil my reputation with the people of Eng.
land. And so you sent me with big ships to
shallow waters, and wished me to get the
ships knocked to smash against stone walls,
and wouldn't. That's the chat, Sir, as the
Irish say; and Fate had no more to do with
| it than my-my cooked hat.
Sir James (smiling)-Ah! cooked hat. A
happy illustration. The very one, | recol.
lect, which you used so amusingly after our
delightful dinner in Pall-mall. It was into
cooked hat that you were SO good as to say
you intended to knock Cronstadt
Sir Chsrles-Never said anything of the
kind.
Sir James-My dear friend, you do your.
self injustice. You will next tell me that
you did not offer the spirited alternative be.
tween st. Petersburg and another quarter;
locality you would visit in six weeks from
the time of sailing.
Sir CharIes-Tf every fellows speeches,
after he's shipped his grog. are to be over.
hauled against hin, don't know that you
would come off particularly we'll, my Lord.
Now, what are you going to do for me! that
is what want to know.
Sir James (pleasingly-Well, my dear
Admiral, you have so completely done for
yourself that hardly see what there is lest
to us.
Sir Charles-None of your SCOTS, ten
you, Sir. I'll let the country know all about
you. Hang me il don't throw myself upon
the country Sir. Everybody knows that a
Napier can do everything, and that on sea,
on shore, in politics, and everywhere else, a
Napier is infellible. You know that, sup
pose, Sir!
Sir James-The public is aware of the fact
Sir Charles, from repeated advertisements
to that effect, emanating from those who
ought to be best informed on the subject.
Sir Charles-Yes, Sir; and if you had
given me the proper means Of attack, the
Emperor Nicholas would at this moment
have been scratching bear with his tooth
pick on the plaster of his dungeon in the
Tower. Do you hear that Sra bear Sir!
Sir James. (assentingly)-I hear bear,
Admiral. Did you ever hear an old canny
proverb about bad workman always find
ing fault with his toolst Not that it has any
thing to do with our present business; indeed,
] hardly know what has.
Sir Charles-I'll expose you-PlI skin
YOU'LL scarify you! FL blow you out Of
the water, Sir!
Sir James, (meekIy)-As you did Cron-
stadt, Admiral!
Sir Charles-l'm going to dine with Moon,
the Mayor, in q few DAYS, and see il can't