Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1855-06-13
PULLING THE WRONG BELL.

.
even out with it.
A fine western steamer, of the largest
class, was pIoughing her way down the
stream with a full head on.
The time was early in the morning; the
sun had not yet cooled his fiery beams in
the murky waters of the Mississippi; few
OF the passengers were astir; and the boat,
quiet and still, save the regular scream
from her iron throat, was making fine
headway.
Suddenly the engineers bell rang out a
furious summons, which, being translated
into the Vernacular, meant "Slow her /"
The man at the steam obeyed the man
date; and with his hand upon the lever,
awaited anxiously the next call. 1t soon
came, and louder yet, stop her p
"Some trouble ahead" thought the en-
gineer; but hardly had the idea passed
through his mind, when the busy bell
again pealed forth
"Back her u
Steam was let on in an instant, and, sci
Zing the lever, the man commenced work
ing the engine by hand but the wheel
had not yet completed the first retrograde
revolution, when u louder administration
tnkIed out successfully:
Go ahead !"
"Slow her -
"Back her ~
"Go ahead -
Having obeyed the command, and sup
posing all was right at last, the man quit
his post for a moment, and stepped out
upon the guards to see what the trouble
had been, when suddenly the over busy
bell again was heard
''Sow her !"
Before he could pu, his hands upon the
screw, the bell again ordered, "stop her !"
Immediately after, back her !" and "go
ahead -
Instead Of going ahead, the engineer
scratched his own, and then applying his
mouth to the speaking tube, addressed the
pilot thus-but stop, let us turn for mo-
ment to the pilot, and see what WAS go
ing on in his dominions. This gentleman
had been but fe " moments at his post,
and was not fairly awake when the bell
commenced its mysterious operations; bat
sleepy as he was, the queer antics Of the
boat, and the strange language of the
steam-pipc, excited his attention, and he
had arrived at the conclusion that some
thing was wrong at the same moment that
identical idea had forced itself upon the
engineer. So applying his mouth to his
end OF tle tube, the following remarks
went up and down simultaneously
''What in thpnder are you about up
there %
"What in thunder are you about down
there ?"
Having. like two vessels about COM
mencing an engagement. fired these shot
across their bows, the twain went imme
diately into action IS follows:
PiIOt-Who told you to ''stop her" and
black her ,"
Enginccr-you did; what did YOU ring
the bell twenty times for %
Pilot-GOu must be nice fellow TO
trust, "Mr. kcttleS," to get drunk be-
fore sunrise. Call your mate and turn in.
Enginccr-Drunk drunk yourself-I
havn't had a dr"p--and you're just lying
drunk-thaL's what it is.
Pilot-Look here. " old Kettles" hold
on bit, and I'll be down on you like al
thousand brick.
Engineer-DUn't trouble yourself to
come down. III be upon you in two
shakes, and then we'll see who's drunk,
and who is not.
Now this backing and filling had excl
cited the attention Of officers and crew,
and as the pilot and engineer, having OBJ
tanned relief, met ha.f way down on the
" boiler deck" captain and clerk, mate
and steward, bar>kcepcr and chamber
maid, all fastened to the post of Cbserva.
ton and ere the two cOm6atants could Join
issue they were seized and held, and an
investig gation of the affair was entered i'm
to.
While all this was in progress, neither
boat nor bell had been touched, but the
same singular succession of orders was
going on, and the two assistants, above
and below, were meditating a little affair
OF their own, when that of their princi-
pals had been satisfactorily concluded.
The mystery was apparently past solu-
ton, but the captain bethought him Of a
possible cause and stepping to state
room, in the "social hail." kicked the
d or open, and there stood lanky young
Tennesseean. who had embarked at Mems
phis the previous night, very actively jer-
ked at a cord that ran through his room
in the further corner.
Selling him by the collar, the captain
demanded, "What the d are you
about
About ?" answered the Tenncsseeau,
:" why don't you see I'm ringing fol
my boots ?"
Pulling the wrong chord, that was all
''1d0entures Of Captain Priest"
OUTRAGE IN CAxADA.-The Toronto