Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1855-03-10
q. rnIbANDER DoRsTIcKs Ar
TENDS A LADIES, FAIR,


atoms, and who wouldn't read his Bible il it
wasn't printed in New York; had sent to me
from his rural solitude TO procure him dressing
gown, pair of slippers, and crocheied wors-
ted cumfurter. Thought | couldn't have a bet
ter opportunity to purchase, and SO | went to
the Fair.
Got to the Hall, paid my twenty-five cents at
the door, went in--saw plenty Of long tables,
with ladies' behind them playing keep store
tables covered with mysterious articles Of baby
linen, and complicated pieces Of female harness,
designed for uses to me unknown, and all sorts
ofimprnciicable nnnecssa,ies intended for gen
tlomen-slippers that you couldn't get on
s,poking-caps that could never, by any posi-
billy it any body (shaped like Chinese pag-
ola, and fall of iinsel and spangles TO make
them prickly,) clgar-cases, that you couldn't
get cigar in , without breaking both ends off
(pefhaps they ,Apeci MS TO smoke stubs like
the news-boys,) pincushions stuffed so hard
they would turn the point of marlin-spiko---
waleh-cases just big enough 10 hold three cent
piece, pen-wipers that Gil the point Of peu full
of woodland divers other nonsenical inconven-
ieuces fabricated by specializing females, the
patterns being always very short and the stitch
es very long Il suppose they think we don't
know the diilerence) to palm of upon yiclimi-
zed gentlemen and they resgucdly submit TO
n price so exhorbant that if Chatham street
lsraeito had the impudencc 10 ask it, they d
straighlcn out his lsll-hook nose, like darn
ine-needle.
The preitiest looking girls are always placed
where the least attractive hooking merchandise
is displayed, and they ask the biggest kind of
prices, trusting to the galantry Of the gentle
men mot TO beat them down faiiering them
selves, suppose, that their pretty looks are val
nc received for the exchange. One consequence
Of this arrangement is, that every buyer spends
all the money he has in his purse, taking in ex-
change therefor lot stuff so utterly useless,
and so ridiculously absurd, that after having it
on his table for week or TO laugh at he is fin
to get rid of the rubbish BY giving the whole to
the chambermaid. Sometimes your purchases
will hold together till you leave the room, and
sometimes not; you must show yourselfa man,
and equal 10 either fortune
There was post-ofIice-prctty girl called
me, had letter for me--bough it--paid ten
cents-noihing in it-blauk. Soliciious young
lady very anxious to have me give her twenty
five cents 10 tell me how much weighed - paid
her the money, and she told me within filty-one
pounds and half-young woman wanted me
10 invest in the 'grab-bag '-gave half a dollar
and fshed in--got in three times trying tin
whistle, half stick Of candy, and peanut
done up in tissue paper.
Went on TO the auction-tablc, where, after
much competition with ringleied miss, (who
was put there 10 make Peter Funks bids against
probable purchasers,) succeeding in bidding in
a China vase, which ! soon discovered had
hole in the bottom, and wouldn't hold water
any more than it would bake pork If / had
bought il anywhere else, should have thought
had been swindled, and have demanded my
money back, but here, supposed ii was an ex-
emplifcation Of some newly discovered princi-
pie Of fair dealing, with which was unacquain-
ted Was much amused with the way they
disposed of the unsold goods--certain number
ofarticles ihngs left at the tables tended by the
homely girls and for each article twenty tickets
were put into a hat, whence they were drawn
out singly, and the last tickets drawn were to
have the przes-should have though, it was
just the same as a lottery, if had not been ac
quainied with the ladies, and known they
wouldn't DO anything so naughty.
Come to place where an old lady, with steel
speciacles, was cutting up loaf of cake into
particularly small pieces--asked what il meant
was told there was gold ring somewhere in
the cake, and they proposed to sell each piece
for a quarter Of dollar and give the ring to
the lucky huyer-wondered If it wasn't another
lottery on small scale, but supposed it couldn't
be-went to the supper-room. 1t is curious
metropolitan fact, that at parties, balls or where
ever refreshment table is spread every man
seems 10 regard ii his just duty 10 fill himself
TO the very mouth with all the 'delicacies of the
season. and to accomplish it in the least time
possiblc-as if he was gun, and anxious TO
ascertain his calibre, and find out how quickly
he could be loaded in case Of necessity. And
the ladies are not far behind; this evening.
learned how much female can eat, in chari-
table cause-a pale faced ballroom belle is a
modern SPHINX gastronomic problem, whose
solution will probably never be satisfactorily
.expounded.
Under the impression that she would not eat
Hiote uan hau money 10 pay lofi invited
lady 10 take some refreshments, and certainly
think that, like the countryman, she imagined
she was bound TO eat all the bll-of-iare called
for She ate stewed oysiers-fried oysters
turkey with oyster -celery-oysiers on
the shell--ice cream, sponge cake, Charlotte
russe-Roman punch, two water-ices, coffee,
sandwiches, cold sausage, lobster salad, oysters
broiled, also stewed again, and six on the shell
-7orange jelly, grape ditto, cake she then hin
led aeaia at oysters, but as The supply had run
out, she was oblige TO go hungry-paid the bill
with certified check on the Merchants Bank,
which luckily covered the amount, and greatly
relieved my mind for feared there would be
a balance which would have to give my note
for.
Having previously procured the articles re-
quired for my friend, Immediately left got
home, and proceeded TO examine my purchases
found that the slippers-having been pasted
together without the slightest regard to 2erman-
ency, had come apart in my pocket, my comior-
Ter had rayeled out, so that had about six in
ches comforter and wad of yarn big enough
IN mnka hora, nlat H..