davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

ry new sensation. After a certain time,
which is longer or shorter, according to q
grea, variety of circumstances, diseased per :
cep.ions suddenly arise. These either re-
late to the state of the patients body, or
mind, or else 10 their property, or, lastly, to
certain people, or various extreme objects,
The following are curious instances
A painter Of considerable reputation in
his art, imagined that ull his bones were b.
come so soft and plant ,ha. they mus. ne
cessarily bend like wax, if he attempted to
walk, or if eny hard body was struck a.
gains. them. In conformity with the fear
which such notion inspired. he kept his
bed during the whole winter, imo gining ,ha.
if he arose, his legs would be compressed
by his own weight into lump like clay, or
wax.
baker believed he was made Of butter,
and on .ha. accoun, would not approach the
oven lest he should melt.
patien, believed he was Of such an en-
ormous size that he could not 90 through
the door Of his apartment. HIS physician
gave orders ,ha, he should be foIcibly lead
through il, which was done accordingly, but
not without a fatal effect, for the patient
cried out as be was forced along, that the
flesh was torn from his bones, and that his
limbs were broken of, Of " hich terrible i'm
preston he died in few days, accusing
those who conducted him Of being his mur-
derers.
To attempt an enumeration Of all the ex-
lravagan. ideas which enter into The mind
of such people, would be fruitless, since
they are as various as every unnatursl COM
binalion Of natural ideas can be. Some
think their ex.remi.es are made of glass,
others, the, their legs are soft as wax some
think they have no heart, others that they
have no soul, Others fancy they are dead,
and others sha. they are changed to mons
,ers.
Imaginary plots sgains. the lives Of the
insane, are so common as to have ceased TO
be novelty.
A man who had been insane many yeers,
was often highly excited and exaspersted in
the morning, by ''scoundrels and murderers
who came into his room in the nigh. to
pick his tee,h.' Even '',he snakes" were
combined, hideous cabal ofrep.iles, agans.
him, and hundreds Of them rose from the
ground, wherever he walked, SO that, in or
der to shun them, be was obliged to be
careful where he placed his feet.
Another patient frequently found j. sim
possible to sleep, there was so much firing
OF cannon" One morning be was standing
in the corner of the room, crowded into as
small space as possible, and his head en-
veloped in handkerchief. This was done
for security sgaias. The guns Of his enemies,
who had sheen shooting q, him all nigh,
long" On being asked if they had bit him,
he answered, "Only once-up there 'soucb
ing the crown Of his head.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

A SCHOOL INcIDENT.-ln my early years,
attended the public schools in Roxbury,
Mass; Dr.. Nathaniel Prentice was our re-
spec,ed teacher, bu. his patience, q. times,
would get nearly exhausted by The infrac-
ton of the school-ruies by the scholars
On one occasion, in rather wralhy way,
he threatened 10 punish. with six blows Of
heavy ferule, the frs. boy detected in
whispering, and appointed some as detec-
tors. Shortly after, one Of these de.ec.ors
shouted
'Mas.er, John Zeigler, is whispering"
John was called up, and asked il i. was
a fact. John, by the way, was fovori,e,
both Of The teacher and his school-ms.es.)
eyes," answered John, 81 was not aware 9
what was about. was intent in work
ing up sum, and requested the one who
sat next TO reach me the arithmetic tha,
contained The rule; which | wished to see.'
The doctor regretted his has.y threat,
but told John he could not suffer him TO
escape HE punishment, and continued
III wish ] could avoid it, but | cannot,
without q forfeiture of my word, and the
conse quenl loss of my authority. ! will
continued he, "leave i. to any three schol-
ars you may choose to say whether or not
! omit the punishment"
John said be was agreed to that, and i'm
medialely called ou,G S., T.. D. and E. P. D.
The doctor told them 10 return verdict,
which they soon did, after consultation, ss
follows
"The masters word mus. be KEEP, invio-
late. John must receive the threatened
punishment of six blows Of the ferule but
i, mus, be inflicted on volunteer proxies F;
and we, The srbilra,ors, will receive the pun
ishmen. by receiving The Two blows EACH"
John, who had listened to the verdict,
stepped up to The doctor, and, with out
stretched hand, exclaimed
"Mas,er, here is my hand they shan's
be struck blow will receive The punish
men.,"
The doctor, under pre,ence Of wiping
his face, shielded his eyes, and, telling the
boys, to 60 10 their ses's, said he would
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

"THE UNRETURNING BRAVE" - The
condition of the British army in the Grim
ca is beyond measure horrible. A mission
ary, writing from Sevas,opol on the 22d
December, after giving fearful picture Of
The destruction going on around him, thus
speaks Of the surviving few, and exclams :
'''The men are filthy and emaciated. You
hear oa,hs, terrible oa.hs on all hands,
Gods judgments are sbroad, and they are
no, seen. All, Britain Britain thou hast
been exalted, and thou needest the deepest
humiliation. Few Of the noble army lha.
landed here, shall, fear, never return"
We feel after looking upon such picture,
the appropriateness Of The noble lines OF
Childe Harold, written on another occasion,
and of more successful soldiers:
"And Ardennes waves above them her green
leaves.
Dewy with Nature S tear-drops as they pass,
Grieving, if aught inanimate e'er grieves,
Over the unreturning brave-alas!
Ere evening to be trodden like the grass,
Which now beneath them, but above shall grow
In its next verdure, when this fiery mass
Of living valor rolling on the foe,
And burning with high hope,
Shall moulder cold and low.'
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08
AN EPICURE IN THE LEGISLATURE.

Legislative Assemble, gathered as il is,
from ell quarters and every profession, must
necessarily include ell varieties of charac-
ter, and some Of a most amusing kind.
Several years since, The town of-saw
fiji to elect sturdy farmer, whom the love
Of travel had never led ou. of the precincts
of his native county, TO the erroneous post
Of ssmember of the General Court"
Arriving in Boston, our friend, being
hungry, and desirous Of taking something
substantial 'sfor the s,omach's sake," found
his way into one oil our principal hotels, at
the dinner hour.
He So! down 10 dinner, end being request
ed by the waiter to select from the bill OF
fare whatever he chose, expressed desire
for some baked beans.
This wss brough, him, and from the gus
to with which i. was eaten, evidently suit
ed our Representative. The plate was cIear-
ed in an incredibly shor. space of time, and
the attentive waiter was o. his side.
"Will you have your plate changed :"
"Yes''
"What will you have next {"
The bill OF fare was consulted, and the
guest announced the Gecision-
~ reckon I'Il have a teao more Of them
'ere beans.''
The second ns,slment was not long in
disappearing. Again the question was pro-
posed
"Will you have your plate ehanged'"
"Yes.''
"Wha, will you tske?'
You may bring me a fen more Of them
ere beans.'
The waller turned away to conceal a
smile, but did as he was ordered. He kept
an eye on The new Aedged Representative,
and by The time his third plate was dispatch
ed, was by his side with The old question.
"Of course" thought he, he'll want some-
thing else this time"
"Whst dish shall bring you, sir :"
The Representative took up the bill OF
fare and followed up its various items with
his finger till he came to the end, process
which occupied some ten minutes. He
was apparently in some doubt, but in few
moments his face lighted up, and he said
81 don't care il take a fe10 more Of them
ERE BEANS"
They were brought, and we need not say,
wen. the way Of their predecessors.
"Perhaps, sir," said The waiter, as he took
away the empty plate, "you would like
some kind of pudding. We have all kinds"
IL don't know" was the hesiia,ng re-
ply. "Hase you gol any more OF them ere
beans."
"Yes, sir''
"Then bring me a fesc more to finish up
acih"
For every day of The session our coun-
try Representative patronized his favori,e
dish. When a. length his services was dis
pensed with, and he returned home he was
asked how he liked Boston?
: "Bos,on is gres. place." he exclaimed
with enthusiasm 'sBoslon is a great place
for baked beans"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

ANEcDoTE OF JOHN RANDoLPH.-He was
travelling through par. of Virginia in which
he was unacquoin,ed during the meantime
he stopped during the night at en- inn near
the forks Of the road. The inn-keeper was
a fine gentleman, and, no doubt, Of one The
first families Of The Old Dominion. Know
ing who his distinguished guest was, he en-
deavored, during the evening, to draw him
into a conversation, but failed in all his ell
forts. But in the morning, when Mr.. Ran
dolph was ready to start, he called for his
bill, which, on being presented, was paid
The landlord, still anxious TO have some
conversation with him, began as follows:
"Which way ere you travelling, MIR. Ran
dolph -
''Sir - said Mr.. Randolph, with look Of
displeasure
81 asked" said the landlord, switch way
are you travelling ,"
"Have paid you my bill -
| "Yes"
"Do owe you any!hi 6 more -
"No."
swell, I'm going just where please; do
you understand - -.
| "Yes"
The landlord by this time 60. somewhat
excited, and Mr.. Randolph dove off. But
to the landlords surprise, in few minutes,
he sent one of The servants back 10 inquire
| which Of the forks of the road 10 take
Mr.. Randolph not being out Of hearing dis
lance, the landlord spoke at the top of his
voice,
"Mr. Randolph, you don. owe me one
cent, just take which road you please.'
!, is said tina. the air turned blue with the
curses Of Randolph.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY,
BY E. WELLS,
E DITOR ND PROP PRIET o r I.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.

TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
For one year, if paid within six months, $l.50
" &C ifnot paid within six months, 200.
ADvERTIsEMENrs.-$l per square for two nser-
tions-l2 lines of small type or Ia of large type
constituting square-and 25 cents for every sub
sequent Insertion. If the number of insertions be
not marked on the advertisement it will be pub
lished until forbid, and charged accordingly. A
liberal deduction will be made to those who adj
vertse by the year.
Communications addressed to this Office must
be POST PAID.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

FAsHIoN.-Fashion rules the world, and
a mos. ,yrannicaI mistress she is--compell-
ing people to submit. to the most inconven-
len, things Imaginable, for fashions sake.
She pinches our fee. with ligh, shoes
or choaks US with tight handkerchief, or
squeezes our breath out Of our body by
!igh. lacing; she makes people sit up by
nigh, when they ough. TO be in bed, and
keeps them in bed when they ought 10 be
up and doing. She makes it vulgar 10 wal,
on ones self, and gen!eel TO live idle and
useless.
She makes people visi! when they would
rather be al home ca. when they are not
hungry, and drink when they are not .hirs-
y. -
Sbefnvades our pleasures, and interrupts
our business.
She compels the people to dress gayly
whether upon their property or that OF
God or the dictates of pride.
: She ruins health and produces sickness
destroys life and occasions premature
death.
She makes foolish parents, invalids of
children, and servants Of US all. ...- .
She is iormen,or of conscience, despoil-
er Of morality, an enemy of religion, and
no one can be her companion and enjoy
either.
She is despot Of the highes. grade, full
of intrigue and cunning-and We. husbands,
wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, and
servants, black and white, voluntarily have
become her servants and slaves, and vie with
one another to see who shall be mos, obse
Quous.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08
of Wales and Emperor of the Worl,

Of Wales and Emperor Of the World.
.P. S.-The Emperor Napoleon vas my
uncle. having married q sister Of my mother
for his first wife,"
A patient gave the following description
OF himself:
81 have no soul; have neither heart,
liver, nor lungs, nor any thing at sll in my
body, nor drop Of blood in my veins. My
bones are all burn, 10 a cinder; have no
brains, and my head is sometimes as hard as
iron, and sometimes as soft as pudding"
A fellow-pa,ient amused himself in versi-
flying this sffec.ingly ludicrous description
in the following lines:
sA miracle, my friends come view
A man, admit his own words true,
Who lives without soul
Nor liver, lungs, nor heart has he;
Yet, sometimes can as cheerful be
AS if he had the whole.
"Hjs head (take his own words along)
NoW hard as iron, yet, ere long,
So soft as any jelly;
All burnt his sinews and his lungs;
Of his complaints not fifty tongues
Could find enough to tell ye.
s'Yet he who paints his likeness here,
Has just as much himself to fear;
He's wrong from top toe.
a. All, friends! pray help US if you can,
And make US each again man,
That US from hence may go.''
The mental character Of hypochond
consists principally in gres. detection Of
spiri,s, inability Of attending to worldly sf-
fairs, a constsn. anxiety abou. their own
health, and an unremi''iog attention to eve.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08
PO E II R Y.
THE SAILORS BURIAL.
ABDIAH.


By r. T. MACCoUN.
The boatswain's pipe calls us around
A brother sailors bier;
Harki mess-mates, tits warning sound
That breaks upon the ear.
The sands of life are running fast,
Our voyage will soon be o'er;
And we our anchor too must cast
On Death S dark, dreary shore.
Mess-mates, upon our brothers. breast
Well pile no mouldering earth;
No stone shall mark his place of rest,
Nor chronicle his worth.
The sea the sea the boundless sea!
Wen make our brothers grave;
And peaceful will his slumbers be
Beneath the emerald wave.
The mighty pillows, as they sweep,
The tempest's awful roar,
For him fitting dirge shall keep
Till time shall be no more.
Hark! bark! It's done: deep sinks the corse
Beneath the briny wave,
While onward speeds our gallant bark,
In gladness from the grave.
Her flowing canvas courts the wind
That watts her on her way;
Proudly she ploughs the mountain wave,
And dashes through the spray.
So DER life's sea we glide along,
While pleasure swells the sail,
While Hope breathes forth her syren song
Upon the fragrant gale.
But ah! when Hopes bright star grows dim
When cares and griefs arise;
When laundering meath the weight of sin,
Upward we turn our eyes:
Ungrateful, while the world can cheer,
We seek not Heaven by prayer;
But when the hour of death draws near
We ask for mercy there.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

the ong, she who stood in the centre STEP
ped orlb, with her breast heaved almost TO
leel with her face, which was thrown
back and advanced with slow, undula,ing
mot,n, ill she bad reached the edge of
my srpet. Then, with a quick jerk, she
revesed The curve of her body, throwing
her lead forward and downward, so that
the multitude Of her long twists Of black
hair shining with butter, brushed my cap.
Thi was intended as q salula,on aud sign
of Welcome. ] bowed my head at the same
tim, and she wen, back 10 her place in the
rams. After pause the chorus was re-
suued and another advanced, and so in sue
ceson, till ell had salu,ed me. ceremony
which occupied an hour. They were near
ly d young, between The ages of fourteen
antlwenty, and some were striking ly beau
,iiu They had the dark-olive Arab COM
pl&ion, with regular features, teeth Of pear
ly vhileness, aud black, brilliant eyes, The
coarse cotton robe thrown over one shoul.
dcrleft free the arms, neck, and breasts,
whrh were exquisi.ely moulded. Their
bar, feet end ancles were as slender as those
of me Venus of CIeomenes. Owing to the
skihs worn by the American women, have
no ecollec,ion Of ever having seen an en-
tire foo! belonging TO them, and therefore
can make no comparison bu! doubt il
one in thousand stands on so ligh, and
beautiful pedestal as those of wild African
girl,. There were two or three old women
in lac company. bu. they con,en.ed them
selves with singing, and did no. venture in
TO the lists with the younger ones.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

How does j. happen ,ha. whenever you
chance 10 stop ou. late, upon retiring as
quietly as possible, every door creaks len
times as much as usual, and the stairs 90
of like parks Of artillery
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

THEoLoG1cAL.--Two juvenile dispu.ants
discussed as follows in our hearing day
or two since -. .ts.... s..
81 tell you God is every where - =
".aint-neither."
81 know better my mother says So"
"Don't care if she does. He aim! in that
wre," (poin,ing to The 'elegrsph,) "cos thai
ain't hollerw ~
This rather staggered bis little reverence
for a moment, but ere a minute had elapsed
a .riumphan. smile Ii. up his face as he de-
sponded: ........--....
s>Well, don't care, He is all around it''
How many skep.'c of larger growth
nigh. ou, Of the mouth of The ''suckling,"
learn wisdom.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08
o r | G. | N A l..
ILLUSTRATIONS OF INSANITY.


The following is the production Of pa
iIen. who is quiet, harmless, and sociable,
snd who imagines himself the Prince of
Wales and Emperor Of the world. He is
constantly engaged in wiring for the pur-
pose Of establishing or asserting and making
known Throughout. the world his right to
govern it. His letters are consequently ad-
dressed to the rulers Of diAeren, countries.
The following is specimen:
"MAHomEr ALI, Governor Of Egypt,
"Dear Sir was born in the city Of
Pbilsdelphia, July 26, 1905 On the fathers
side am descended from the r ,man Empe-
ror Constantine, who built Constan,inople
in the 4,h century. On the mothers side
am descended from Mary S.euar,, daugh-
ter of James v. King of Scotland. II s
my intention to dehrone the Sultan if ] live
long enoneh-none Of The crowned heads
Of Europe have any right TO reign, and will
be one and all de.hroDed either by me or
my successors. A son Of Joseph Bonaparte,
ex. King Of Spain, who is nv nephew, is The
intended King of Italy. The Pope and all
other divines will be laugh, to mind their
appropriate business, the cure Of souls.
can and will ge. along wilhou, them. ! re-
grei the destruction which was made among
nv subjects at Ain. We shall have q war
with England which will end in the over
throw Of The tyrannicsl House Of Hanover.
] can in one campaign take every inch OF
territory which tina, House possessss .t';s
continent. have been confined myself for
nearly two years and prevented from sup
porting you in your contest with the allied
Powers. The downfall Of the Theirs min
is.ry in Frsnce, prevented the French from
siding you. Theirs is my friend, so is Mr..
O'ConneI, and so is every republican in
Europe, and some Of the nobility ] care
very little for the nobility. William the
Conqneror never conquered the Brl'ons.-
My ancestors sought an asylum in these
western wilds, and have not been conquer
cd. have some Of the native Indian blood
in me of The Mohawk tribe, and mean 10
teach our white oppressors that we owned
this country before the discovery Of C"lum-
bus. The race Of men are bound TO obey me
as their lawful head. ! intend TO conquer
my inheritance, and then see if ! can't gov
ern it better than i. has been. was placed
under the protection of General Washing
ton, and have married his granddaughter.
]. is my intention to tread in the footsteps
of that great man. His limits were the U
nIted States. My governmen, embraces the
world, and of course must be military one.
The world always has, after fashion, been
governed by the sword, 5u, there has been
too many commanders-in-chief. The world
will be at peace only SO fast as il obeys mo-
81 am, very respectfully,
s.Y ours &c.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

THE CONGRESS OF l777.-A gentleman
a, Washington, who has been looking over
The records of ,he Continental Congress, to
make himself acquainted with The legislation
Of the glorious patriots of that dav, writes
that he finds that body, on the 1l.h Sept,
l777, voted .ha. the Commis,ee on Com
merce be directed 10 import 10000 copies
of the Bible from Holland, Scotland or else
where into The diferen, ports of the Union
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

'Le. US lay no temptation in the path Of
the young" as the frog said when he pop.
ped his head under water on seeing boy
pick up q stone.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

"The tree is known by its fruits" with
the exception OF the dogwood and that by
i,s bark. -
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

MINOR Morals FOR MARRIED PEOPLE.
''The las. word" is the most dangerous Of
internal machnes. Husband and wife should
no more 6gh. to gel it than they would
struggle for The possession Of ligh! bomb
she'll ..s
Married people should study each others
weak points as skaters look out for the
weak parts Of the ice, in order 10 keep of
them. ...
The wife is the sun of the social sy stem.
Unless she attracts, there is nothing to keep
heavy bodies, like husbands, from flying off
into space. - ...-
The wife who would properly discharge
her duties, must never have soul "above
buttons"
Notwithstanding the assertions Of ma'he-
matcans, the marriage ring is circle which
husband and wife have the problem set them
of making all square. a.
Dom. .rus. 100 much to good temper
when you are in an argument. The Indians
produce fire by the rubbing Of The driest
sticks.
Sugar is the substance mos! universally
diffused through all natural products. Let
married people take hin. from this provision
of na,ure.-Punch's Pocket Book.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

Did you ever know man with shock
ing bad hat, Ieaky boots, end ragged coat,
who could find respectable hotel ,ha. was
not full .a
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

A lady ou. Yves, brags tha, none OF he'
relations were ever sent 10 The State Prison
or Congress.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

AYankee has taught ducks to swim in
ho. water, with such success tho. they lay
boiled eggs.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

Girls! dom. accep. the hand Of anybody
who tells you that he is going to marry end
settle. Make him settle fret, and marry az
forwards.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

DIDN'T TRAvEL.-A young man and fe-
male once upon a time stopped at country
tavern. Their awkward appearance excited
the attention of one Of the family, who COM
menced conversation with the female by
enquiring how far she had travelled that
day. "Traveled - exclaimed the stranger,
somewh Ia. indignantly, tive didn't travel we
ridw -E.~s
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1855-03-08

think Of it. believe he did think of i. to
his dying day, bu. the punishment. was never
inflicted.