The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1855-01-17
THE LANCASTER LEDGER

1.-The sensitive actor who couldn't sit |
IN the same room with tea urn on account |
OF its Kissing, has just been killed by a
"burst of applause" saFs
... King James the Second, passing thro'
colchester, was resolved that the MAYOR
should compliment him on his arrival, il go
happened, that the chief magistrate was en-
luently stupid, (Which is looked upon as no
strange thing in England).
Ihe town clerk was appointed to attend
him at his back and whisper what he was 10
say to the king. When they came into his
malestys presence, the clerk, desiring to en-
courage the mayor, whispered:
"doid up your head and look like n
Hold up your head and look like a mani"
did the mayor bawl to the king.
me clerk, astonished, whispered:
nBy heaven you will ruin us all !"
ne mayor Immediately repeated:
by heaven you will ruin us ALL"
I'm, you laundering puppy! wish you
had never come here"
Inc mayor again bawled:
b,d on, n you laundering puppy! Iwish you
Inc clerk on this, Immediately took to
ms heeis, and the mayor followed him, leav-
ing the king in violent fit of laughter, tho
not without rage.
A SMART BoY.-"Wel, sunny, whose
pigs are those?"
"Old sow's, sir"
"Whose SOW is it?"
"Our old mans, sir"
"WeIl, then, who is your old man -
"'lf you'll mind the pigs, I'll run home
and ask the old woman"
'Tever mind, sonny, want smart bov.
what can you dor
"Oh! ] can do more than considerable.
| milk the geese, ride the turkeys TO water,
hamstring the grass hoppers, light fires for
fiies to court by, cut the buttons off dads
coat when he is ut prayers, keep tally for
dad and mann when they scod at a mark
old woman is always ahead"
"Got any brothers?"
Lots of 'em-all named Bill, except Rob
his names Sam-my names Larry, but they
call me Lazy Lawrence for shortness."
well, you'er much too smart for me-"
"Trave on, old stick in the mud, shan'i
hire you for boss to-day"
.Ridgeway and Cir ard were engaged
in some speculation together, which caused
a rupture between them, and excited very
angry feeling. In passion Mr.. r. said he
could buy and sell Girard "Ycs" said Gil
rnrd, "lfyou did buy me, you would hare
to sell me; but can buy and keep YOU"
Mas. 2ARTrSGToN on MARRIAeE.-"I
ever I'm married" said Ike looking up from
the book he was reading, and kicking the
stove door nergetcally-"If ever I'm mar
rlcd"-"Dont speak of marriage, Isaac, til
you are old enough to understand the bond
that binds congcnial souls. People mustn't
speak of marriage with impurity. 1t is the
first thing that children think of now n. .davs
and young boys in pin-a-iores, and young
girls with their heads fricassecd into spit.
toon curls, aud full Of loye-sck stories, are
talking of marriage before they get in their
teens. Think of such ones getting married
Yet there's Mr. Spaid, when heaven took hi.
wife away, went right to young lady's
cemetery and got another, no more tit to be
head of family than am to be the Board
of Mayor or Aldermen" She tapped the
new box that her friend the Colonel had
given her, with her eyes resting on the gold
heart inlaid in the centre of the lid, rs il
hearts were trumps in her mind at the time
while Ike. without finishing his sentence
Kept on with his reading, accompanying him
self with pedal performance on the stove
| door, and n cIatter on the round of his chair
with the handle of fork in his left hand.