Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1855-07-20
nlistttlautons.
.The IIapp:cst Day of MY LiGc."

''The IIapp;cst Day OF My Lite."
The ancients certainly made great mis-
take in not choosing Niobe for the goddess
Of marriage. Hymen is by far too jolly,
be is all smiles-more of the hyena than
the crocodile . whilst Niobe is just what she
ought TO be-all tears. There never yet
was a marriage that was not perfect st.
Swithln affair. No one-unless he has the
soul of gutta percha, thoroughly water
proof-should think Of going to wedding
with less than two pocket handkerchiefs;
and even then a sponge is better adapted
to the joyful occasion" Men take wives
as they do pills, with plenty Of water ex-
cepting. indeed, when the 'little things" are
well gilt If kind of matrimonial barom-
eter were kept in each family, and its daily
indications as 10 the state of the weather
at the fireside actually registered, we have
no doubt that on the average being taken,
the following results would be arrived at:
BEFORE MARRIAGE Fair
DURIEG MARRIAGE Wet.
AFTER MARRIAGE Stormy.
MeteorOlogically speaking, it would be
highly interesting could we arrive at the
exact amount of "doo" prevailing during
courtsbip. Nobody can feel more truly
wretched than on the happiest day Of his
life A wedding is even more melancholy
than funeral. The bride weeps for every
thing and nothing. At first she is heart
broken, because she is about TO leave her
Ma and Pa; then because she hopes and
trusts George will always love her; and,
when no other excuse is left, she bursts in
to tears because she is afraid he will not
bring the ring with him. Mamma, too, is
determined to cry for the least thing. Her
dear, dear girl is going away. and she is
certain something dreadful is about to hap
pen.
AT church the water is laid on at eye
service; indeed the whole party looked so
wreiched, no one would imagine there was
"happy pair" among them. When papa
gives away his darling child, be does itwith
as many sobs as though he were handing
her over to the 6ercest polygamist since
Henry VII, instead of bestowing her on
one wtoloves his "lamb" regardless of the
mint" sauce that accompanies her. The
bridegroom snivels, either because crying
is catching, or because he thinks he ought
for decency' sake. to appear deeply moved;
and the half dozen bridesmaids are sure
to be all weeping, because every body else
weeps. When The party return home,
however, the thoughts Of the breakfast
cheer them up little; and the bridesmaids
in particular feel quite resigned to their
fate As if they had grown hungry by
crying, or the tears had whetted their ap-
petite, they drown their cares for a while in
the white soup tureen.
Then the father gets up, and, after
short and pathetic eulogium upon the viz
tues of that "sweet girl whom he loves as
his own flesh and blood" thumps the table,
and tells the company that '.any one who
would not treat her properly would be
sccmdreL" Upon this every one present
turns round 10 look and frown at the
wretched william of bridegroom, and then
they all fall 10 weeping again. But SO
strongly has the feeling set in against the
son-in-law, that it is only by speech of
the deepest paihos, that he can persuade
the company that he has not the least tho't
Of numbering or indeed even assaulting his
wife At last, the mother, bride and brides
meids retire to say. Goodbye" and have
a good cry altogether upstairs. Then the
blessing and the weeping begin again with
renewed yigor. The bridesmaids cry till
their noses are quite red, and their hair is
as straight as if they had been bathing.-
And when the time comes for the "happy |
pair" TO leave in order to catch the train
for Baltimore. then the mother, father, sis
ters, brothers, bride. bridegroom, brides
maids. and every soul ia the house. all cry,
even down TO the old cook, "Who knowed |
her ever since she were baby in long
if the young couple were
about being transported for life, in the lit
sral rather than the fguratNe sense of the
of "The Bachelor"