Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1855-10-10
Jerradier Parsley, Esq's, Visit to the
TTumbUl County Fair.
TRUMBULL County FAIR,
Warran- Sent % IS55

00ANOA bilos-H oAO
here on the Affair Ground, all well and
heartsome, close to the Double. Acting
Cheese Press on ore side, and the Patent
Hens Nest and improved Baby Jumper
en- t'other, with wimmen gigglin', chick
ems CROWN, babies cryin', martials Gus
sin, all round us-hopin' vou enjoy the
same blessin'.
AS the bus was goin' out yesterday,
Mr.. Dunbar, the g~entlemanly lanlord at
the Johnston Station, saw us, and very
perlitely stopped the bus till we got in.
While the Teller was fxin' our baggage.
tried to get some gingerbread for Jeems;
but just as 1 handed over my quarter,
the bus started, and l saw nothin' more
of the quarter or the gingerbread. l
perlitely asked the little spider-legged
driver if he wouldn't stop and let me
"rectily;' but he only went the faster,
sayin' he guessed as how | had been
takin' a little too much Of the "reclifed''
already. Mister Editors, my blood billed,
AID if it hadn't been that the spider
legged slrpint had to do all the manag:n'
of the whole concern, I'd a knocked him
off the masheen. Sally and Softer was
both afraid I'd break the bus, or tear
my clothes.
At Leroy they stopped to eat a bite
and change bosses, and l hadn't got
down more than three or four cups, when
| seed "a man at t'other end of the table
cain the upper story of a turkey. So,
thinks l, that's the superintendent, and
he's the man TO tell of concernin' the
spider-legged cuss. While the wimmen
got into the bus, and the crowd bussled,
l slipped up 10 the turkey man and told
lin how I'd bin treated. He seemed
like a clever Teller, and the more l said,
and the madden 1 got, the better he
seemed 10 feel. Says he, it shall all be
right, and says he, Lets drink" We'd
just turned round TO the bar, and lifted
the glasses, Shen, just as l said Here's
luck to the plank road" some n hol-
Tered out, "All aboard ~ and away went
the 'tarnal concern swifter than a hungry
hound goes 10 dinner. cali aboard p
SEE l; elf they're not all aboard, Mr..
Jerradier Parsley is badly perforated any
how" L knowd it was a plan of the
spider-legged villain to leave me, and |
determined, if long legs and a willin'
disposition would do any good, to over
take him. His steam was up, and so
was my dandei, and l Civ chase as tho
l had a locomotive in each leg of my
pantaloons. l ran, l leaped, scratched
gravel, elongated and ~exIenuated l dis
sipated space, l eloped, ill nature slid by
me like a panorama painted OF lightnin'.
But all wouldn't do. P,e seen the day
when l could have passed him without
half tryin', but since l had an attack of
the rumatiz, my jinls are a little stiff.
Sarah, Jeems and Softer waved their
hankerchers, and hollered, "Come on,
Jed, come on ]" But l laid down, rolled
over, and sweat and swore more than
Bonypart al St. Helena. The last thing
] seed was the spider-legs fadin' in the
distance, until they looked like mere
threads. Mister Editors, l was so sizzin'
hot, if I'd bin dipt into the Mahoning
river, I'd a taken the chill off the water
from Warren to Pittsburgh. The very
planks smoked where l touched EN-, and
my pulse beat like a tilt-hammer in a
rolling-milI.
But the one o'clock express took me
on, and l found the rest of the Parsley
family at the American House. They
said the clerk told 'em that the rooms
were all full /; so We had to pile ourselves
on the floor for the night.
We've seen all sorts of sights, and
hearn all kinds of sounds. I'd like TO
tell you hall, but between drinkin' beer,
and congress water, and lemonade, and
soda, and pop, and eatin' cakes, and
herrin', and crackers, and apples, and
peaches, and paw-paws, my heads worse
complicated than a crazy monkeys, and
my ideas spin round like hoth in a glass
Of ginger pop.
l took Softer round to the patent dou-
bic actin water am, and was goin' to
show her where, if you'd turn n spigot,
the water would fly out, and if you'd
turn another it wouldn't; but in the bus
sci 1 turned the wrong jigger. l guess
it was a countryman's cider barrel, and
1 didn't see the mistake till the poor girl
was near drowned.
We passed on toward the trotting ring,
but Just as We neared it, a niger upset
a barrel OF apple sass on Soher and me.
l cussed the Niger, and Softer said that
clapped her climax. l know'd nothin
bout her climax, but l know'd it kept
ne from meetin' with the committee on
pork and beans.
The swings attracted considerable at
tentiOn also The great panticural ner-
vous cordial, intended for persons aflict'
ed with the simp.es and other head dis
eases. Quite a number of premiums
were awarded. A pair of leather specs,
warranted not to break or cut in the eye,
the patent hens nest, AMI a patent baby
jumpeI, all drew first premiums, and
many others too numerous to mention.
YuurS ,Ec