Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1855-07-25
THE HAPPIEsT DAY IN NY LIFE "


The ancients certainly made great !
mistake in not choosing Niobe for the
Goddess of marriage. Hymen is by far
too Jolly, he is all smiles-more of the
hyena than the crocodile; Whilst Niobe
is just as she ought to be-all tears
There ne ler yet was marriage that
was not perfect St. Swithin affair. No
one-unless he has the soul OF gutta
percha, thoroughly water proof-should
think of going to wedding with less
than two pocket handkerchiefs and
even then, sponge is better adapted
to the Joyful occasion" Men take
wives as they do pills, with plenty of
water excepting, indeed, when the " lit
tie things" are well gilt. II kind of
matrimonial barometer were kept in each
family, and lis daily indications as to the
state of the weather at the freside actu-
ally registered, we have no doubt that
on the average being taken, the follow
ing result would be arrived at
BEFORE MIREIAsE- .--........---.-.-.-....Fair
DOSISe AARRtSsE .---'--.-'.-.------'-' wet
AFTER MARRIAGE E.-...-....--.-.---.-..--St stormy.
MeteorOlogically speaking, it would be
highly interesting could we arrive at a
knowledge of the exact amount of "doo"
prevailing during courtship. Nobody
can feel more truly wretehed than on the
happiest day of his life. A wedding is
even more melancholy than a funeral.
The bri~e weeps for everything and
nothing. At first she is heart broken,
because she is about to leave her Ma
and Pa; then because she hopes and
and trusts George will always love her /;
and, when no other excuse is left, she
burst into tears because she is afraid be
will not bring the ring with him. Nam.
ma, too, is determined to cry for the
least thing. Her dear, dear girl is going
away, and she is certain something
dreadful is about to happen.
At church the water is laid on at eye
service; indeed the whole party looked
so wretched no one would imagine that
there was "happy pair among them.
When papa gives away his darling child,
he does it with as many sobs as though
he were handing her over to the iercest
I Polyganniss since Henry VIII, instead of
besIowing her on one who loves his
"lamb, regardless Of the ''mint'' sauce
that accompanies her. The bridegroom
snivels, either because crying is CATCH
ing, or because he thinks he ought for
decency's sake, to appear deeply moved;
and the half dozen bridesmaids are sure
to be all weeping, because everybody
else weeps. When the party return
home, however, thethoughts of the break
fast cheer them up little and the
bridesmaids in particular feel quite re-
signed to their fate As if they had
grown hungry by crying, or the tears
had aChehed their appetite, they drown
their cares for while in the white soup
tureen.
Then the father gets up, and, after
f short and pathetic eulogium upon the
, virtues of that "sweet girl, /" whom he
loves as his own flesh and blood, thumps
the table, and tells the company that
=" any one who would not treat her prop
erly would be scoundrel." Upon this
every one present turns round TO look
and frown at the wretcbed william of the
|, bridegroom, and then they all fall to
weeping again. But SO strongly has
, the feeling set against the new son-in-
law, that it is only by speech of the
deepest pathoS, that he can persuade the
company that he has not the least
thought of numbering or indeed even
} assaulting his wife. At last, the mother,
bride and bridesmaids retire to say,
"Good bye" anil have good cry all
together up stairs. Then the blessing
: and the weeping begin again with re-
newed vigor. The bridesmaids cry till
their noses are quite red, and their hair
, is as straight as if they had been bathing.
, And when the time comes for the chap
py pair" TO leave in order to catch the
train for Baltimore, bridegroom, brides
| maids, and every soul in the house, all
cry, even down to the old cock, az who
! knowed her ever since she were a baby
in long clothes, as if theyOung couple
were about being " transported for life"
in literal rather than the liguratiye
sense of the term.-Edtor ofLhe Bach
elor.