Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-02-08
MisetIIang.
An Eccentric Russian.

of Moscow, of which city he was governor
general in 1912. When the victorious eagle
of Napoleon was advancing towards the gilded
domed capital, the old Russian was far from
anticipating the rapidity of its progress. He
expected the French army would be arrested
by the disasters which afterwards assailed its
unfortunate retreat and to make the people
of Moscow laugh at the expense of Napoleon,
he launched against him whole arsenal Of
invectives. He sent away from the city all
those who appeared to him suspicious and
in the very moment of blasting their fortune,
issued against them the following ironical
proclamation, dated 3Oth of August, 1912:
f" You will dwell on the banks Of the Vol
ga, in the midst of peaceable and faithful
people, who despise you too much to do you
harm.
You will quit Europe for some time, and go
into Asia. Cease to be bad subjects, and be-
come good ones. French citizens as you are,
metamorphose yourselves into good Russian
peasants. Remain tranquil and submissive,
or fear rigorous punishment. Get into your
boat, and do net make Charon's boat of it,
pleasant journey TO you -
The above is fair specimen of many of his
proclamations at that period, and is Russian
Wit in its most humorous vein.
1t is also said that Count Rostopchin com
posed many comedies, full of wit and humor,
IN, ,ahich ba nj l,I 4
attacked the tendencies of his countrymen to
initiate foreigners. One is mentioned, among
others, entitled, False Rumors, or the Live
Map killed by News Hawkers' This is the
only one of his plays which was represented
at the theatre of Moscow. He threw the 9th
ers into the fire, after amusing his friends with
them.
He wrote his memoirs in ten minutes, in
French, for lady who requested the history
Of his life. They are worth reading
MEMOIRS OF MYSELF TO THE LIFE.
WRITTEN IN TEN MINUTES.
CHAPTER my BIRTH.
g In 1765, March 18th, came from dark
ness into light. l was measured, weighed
and baptized. was born without knowing
why, and my parents thanked Heaven without
knowing why.
CHAPTER lI.-MY EDUCATION.
was taught all sorts of things, and every
language. BY being impudent and decetful,
| sometimes passed for a scholar NY head
became library of odd books, OF which
have kept the key.
CHAPTER TIt.-MY sUFFERINGs.
| was tormented by masters, by tailors, by
women, by ambition, by self-love, by vain re-
grets, by sovereigns and souvenirs.
CHAPTER Iv.-MY PRIvATIoNs
| have been deprived of three great enjoy
ments of the human race; robbery, gluttony
and pride
CHAPTER v.-MEMoRABLE EPocHs.
At thirty years, renowned dancing; at
forty, the fair sex at fifty, the public opin-
ion at sixty, thinking and am now a true
philosopher, or egotst, which is synonymous
CHAPTER vI.-MoRAL PORTRAIT.
L vas OootIhdtC do hluiG, CdpIiClOuS DIS d
coquette, gay as child, idle as a mole, ac-
tive as Bonaparte, and everything at pleasure.
CHAPTER vII.-IMPoRTANT CIRCUMSTANCE.
Having never been able TO control nv coun-
tenance, | gave loose 10 my tongue, and con-
tracted the bad habit of thinking aloud That
procured me some joys, and many enemies.
CHAPTER vIn.-wHAT WAS. AND WHAT
MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
was sensitive to friendship-to confidence,
and had | lived In the golden age, might have
been, perhaps, in every respect, good man.
CHAPTER IX.-REsPECTABLE PRINCIPLES.
/ have never been implicated in any mar
riage, nor in any gossiPping. | have never
recommended cook or physician conse-
quenty have attempted nobody's life.
CHAPTER x.-MY TASTES.
love small parties-a walk in the woods.
| had an involuntary admiration for the sun,
and his setting often saddens me. preferred
blue in colors; in eating. beef with horse rad
ish; in drinking, fresh water in plays, the
comedy and farce in men and women, open
and expressive counrenances. The hunch-
backed of both sexes had charm for me
why, have never been able 10 understand.
cPAPTER XI-MY AvERsIoNs
had an aversion to fools, to scoundrels,
to intriguing women who made sport of vir-
tue disgust for affectation; pity for paint
ed men and women +; an aversion to rats,
liquors, metaphysics and rhubarb, and fear
of Justice and mad beasts.
CHAPTER xTI.-ANALYsIs OF MY LIFE.
!. l await death without apprehension, as
without mpatience. My life has been a busy
melo drama on a great stage. where l have
played the hero, the tyrant, the lover, the no.
4 BILE father, but never the valet.
CHAPTER x1u.-REwARDs OF HEAVEN
My great happiness is in being indepen-
dent of the three individuals who govern Eu-
rope; as | am rich enough, have given up
public business, and am wholly Indifferent to
music, / have consequently no sympathy with
Rothschild, Metternich and Rossini.
CHAPTER xIv.-MY EPITAPH.
Here lies in repose, with worn-out mind