Butte record. (Bidwell, Butte County, Cal.) 1853-1858, 1855-03-24
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stltution took al lnhnlteslmal dose only;
in four days | measured one hundred and
eighty-two inches round the waist;
could chop eleven cords of hickory
wood in two hours and half, and, on a
bet, carried yoke of oxen two miles
and quarter in my left hand, my right
being tied behind me, and if any one
doubts the fact, the oxen are still to be
seen
About two weeks after this, | had
the pleasure of participating in a gun
powder explosion, on which occasion my
arms and legs were scattered over the
village, and my mangled remains pretty
equally distributed throughout the entire
county Under these circumstances my
life was departed of, and my classmates
had bought a pine coffin, and borrowed
whole shirts to attend the funeral in;
when the invincible power of your four.
horse power balsam (Which l happened
to have in my vest pocket suddenly
brought together the scattered pieces of
my body-collected my limbs from the
rural distriets-put new life into my
shattered frame, and | was restored, to
my friends, with a new set Of double
teeth. I have preserved the label which
enveloped the bottle, and have sewed
it into the seat of my pantaloons, and
now bid grim death defiance, for I feel
that | am henceiorth unkillIable. and in
fact, l am even now generally designa-
ted the @ Great Western Achilles"
Yours entirely.
SKI HY."
I feel that after this, Mr.. Editor,
persons, but VIII nevertheless detail
some of my own personal experience Of
the article. caused some to be ap-
piled to the Washtenaw Bank after its
failure, and while the Balsam lasted the
Bank redeemed its notes with specie
The cork of one of the bottles dropped
upon the head of childless widow, and
in six weeks she had in six weeks she
had young and blooming husband Ad-
mlnlstrateG some 10 hack. driver In a
! glass of gin and sugar, and that day he
swindled but seven people, and only
Gave few drops gratis to poor woman
who was earning precarious subsistence
by making calico shirts with one-eved
needle, and the next day she was dis
covered TO be heir to large fortune.
The Know-Nothing candidate for Mayor
of the city has sent for bottle, and it
has entirel cured him of violent verbal
diarrhea Gave some to an uptown
actor, and that night he said q damned''.
only twenty-one times. One of the dai.
ly papers got the next dose, and in the
next edition but one there were but four
editorial falsshoods, seven indecent ad-
vertisements, and two columns and
half of homemade Foreign Corre-
! spondence." Caused fifteen drops to be
/ given to the low comedian of a Broad
way Theatre, and that night he was
positively dressed more like a man than
monkey, actually spoke some lines of
the author, made only three inane at
tempts at puerile witticisms-only twice
went out of his way to INTRODUCE some
grossly indicate line into his part, and
for a wonder, lost so much of his self
conceit that for full half-hour he did
not believe himself the greatest comedi-
an, in the world Gave some to news
/ boy, ard he manufactured but three fires,
couple of murders, and o..e horrible
/ railroad accident in the next thirty min
utes. Put some on the outside of The
Crystal Palace, and the same day the
stock Welt from % up to IA Our whole
Empire City is entitely changed by the
miraculous power of "DoesticA's Patent,
Self Acting, -Four Horse Power Balsam."
The gas is lighted on the dark nights,
instead of on the moonlight evenings
there are 10 more highway robberies in
the streets, or, if there are, the offend
ers, when arrested, are instantly dis
charged by the police magistrate. No
more building materials on the side
walks no more midnight murders no
more Sunday rows +; no more dirty
streets no more duels in Hoboken, and
no more lies in the newspapers. Bro ad-
way is swept and garnished; the NJ P.s
are civil, and the boys doE't steal any
more dogs In fact, so well content are
we now with our City, that we feel, as
the Hibernian poet SO beautifully says;
| 80 If there is an Elysian on earth,
ii Is ihis-ii is this"
Orders for my Balsan, accompanied by
the money, will be Immediately attended
to; otherwise, not, for my partner and |
have resolved to sell for cash only, feel
ing as did DIR. Young, who appropriately
and feelingly remarks
awe take no notes Times
Dr. @ X. PHILANDER DoEsTIcKs, P. D., NJ. D.
?. S.-Bull says | have piled it up
| too strong, and that no one will believe
what he calls " that humbug about the
newspapers, and the preposterous nom
sense concerning the Bsoadway Actor"
| am aware that in these instances my
medicine Inexperienced modern mira
Gle, but the facts remain 'no less true
than strange"
Dr.. Q. X. p d., P. B., NJ. d.