Daily American organ. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1856, 1855-09-22

He who has money must die one day,
AND ne VINO has none must 60 the same way.
Oh, It's all one to me, all one,
whether I've money or whether I've none
---------------------
A Dandy among Cows.
Adolphus Spriggins, of the Fifth avenue and
Water street, prided himself considerably on his
acquaintance with the ways of the town, but
his knowledge of country matters was limited -
Mr., Sprggins, having rather outrun the constable,
found himself one summer not in situation to un-
dertake his usual jaunt to Saratoga or Newport,
and bethought himself of an invitation which he
had formerly received from his uncle, Van Bron-
mel, the hearty old farmer, to pay him visit at
Pumpkindale. To Pumpkindale Mr. Spriggins re-
paired, with the express resolution of astonishing
the natives This, with the aid Of his yellow kids,
embroidered waistcoats brilliant neck ties, patent
leather, French phrases, and fashionable air, he
certainly succeeded in doing, He even made some
impression by attractions, on the feelings Of Miss
Rappleway, young lady yisiter, who had previous
ly been on amiable terms with Cert Van Brommel,
the farmers oldest son. Cert suked and swore in
private, but fear Of his father kept him from pub
licly showing his resentment. One day however,
an idea occurred to him. which he turned to ac-
count for getting rid Of his rival Cert invited his
cousin to 60 out with him pigeon shooting and
Adolphus, though his taste did not lie much In
They set out accordingly with arms, ammunition
and provisions for the day, which last were carried
by Cert in small tin pail. About two miles from
the house, they came to pasture field, bordered
by extensive woods. A score Of ofcows-Van Brom.
mel was noted cattle breeder--were feeding at
one side of the pasture,
!" See, Dolph," said Cert, "the pigeons are in
the woods yonder. Now, if you will just stand
awhile on that fiat corner Of the field so that shall
Efafau uta -.
drive the pigeons over to you, and you can pop
them as they come out. You keep the pail, too,
and wen have dinner there by-and-by."
Sprigglns agreed To these terms, which exactly
suited his easy notions Of sport, and while Cert
plunged into the woods he started for the fiat
rock which had been pointed out to him.
No sonner had he placed himself upon il than,
to his anazement, all the cows in the pasture
rushed dfrantlcay towards him, lowing loudly, kick
ing up their heels, pushing one another, and be-
having as though they had been suddenly smitten
with insanity. Adophus stood paralyzed, expect
ing TO be gored to death, or trampled under foot
But instead of that the cows merely formed cir
Gle round him, stamping, believing, shaking their
horns, and glaring at him with their great eyes in
an unaccountable manner. He shouted In terror
to Cert, but received no answer He dared not
leave the rock, or even fire his gun TO attract his
cousins attention, for, at the slightest movement
that he made, there was general stir am6ng the
cows, a shaking Of the formidable array of horns.
and an impatient stamp and murmur, as ifprepara.
tory to rush. Sprggins was utterly bewldered.
To do him Justice, nc would very likely have faced
loaded pistol at ten PAGES without finching But
this novel danger was Of such strange and fright
ful character that he was totally unnerved. He
stood molioness, waiting for his cousin or some
body else to rescue him, and the cows, with equal
patience kept up the siege until their wretched
prisoner was ready to drop with terror and ex-
haustion. At last, late in the afternoon the burly
form Of old Van Bromme presented ITSELF TO the
delighted eyes Of Adolphus. His uncle came
slowly through the field with tin pail on his arm
and no sooner did the cows get glimpse Of him
than they deserted and tore furiousy toward his
uncle, who shouldered his way through them with
the utmost unconcern.
"Goodness gwacious, uncle" gasped poor Sprip.
gins, whats the meaning Of this extraordinary
conduct OF these dwedful animalsp
And he related with considerable agitation the
history Of bis captivity among them. His uncle
roared and shook his sides with laughter
"Hawi hawi haw do tell nowl You've been
standing on that ere stone all day, frightened by
the keows. Hol hoi ho! bless your soul, DoIph,
the keows are good critters They wouldn't hurt
baby Thought you were coming TO salt 'em
Hawl hawl hawl Wal, now, if that amt the best
joke I've hecred on" And again the stout old
farmer laughed until the tears poured down his
cheeks.
Salt theml" exclaimed the mortified Spriggns.
"You don't mean TO say that you salt your beasts
aliveln
"Yes, do, Dolph," replied his uncle. "Look
here, and you'll see."
So saying, he dumped the salt out Of his pail in
small parcels over the rock. There was general
stamp and below, and simultaneous rush toward
the savory continent, which twenty tongues were
soon busily engaged in licking
There, Dolph, you know how keows are salted
alive now, said old Van Brommel "You'd never
ha' learned that in Wall street. Hol hol hol
spriggins returned to the house much crest.fal
len. The story of his adventure was soon about,
and there was great joking and staggering at the
supper table, the fair Rosaa herself not being
able to refrain from joining in the fun. The next
morning Sprggins discovered that he had urgent
business in the city, and he has never since been
seen in Pumkindae, though his cousin Cert cordi-
ally invited him TO his wedding that fall. Sprg-
gins now is wont to speak Of country life as Eek
twemely vulgaw," and on one occasion, (when the
sport OF pigeon shooting had been casually alluded
to,) he went 80 far as TO pronounce it "an atwo-
cious humbug"