Squatter sovereign., 1855-03-20
HOW TO DO A LANDLORD OUT OF
A WEEKS BOARD.

or two since, by a gentleman, who, we
presume was on the spot Rt OF. about the
time of the occurrence. We publish it for
Of those gentlemen whose rock
cts are not filled with .sroclx,s generally
and most particularly, for the amusement.
of our worthy hosts of the Astor House.
and City Hotel in the village of New
York. The joke is too good to be lost.
sJolini'' 8
Eyes, Sir
sCarriage at the desI
John ran to the door and returned with
large trunk; apparently not very heavy
behind came gentleman whose external
appearance was decidedly millionaire.
He entered his name simply Mr.. Sucker
man, New York-laying down his pen,
he said to the landlord:
I want the very best accommodation
your house will afford-the very best for
my money. Ishouid like parlor and bed
room on the same floor.
"That you can have" said our worthy
host of the Astor.
''John!''
Eyes, SIR
'.Take the gentleman's baggage to room
'.Yes, SIR
81 say, John, put every thing in perfect
order, and put that large rocking chair IN
his room."
Yes, Sir"
Every thing now being fairly arranged,
our gentleman, MIR. Suclkerman, was shown
to his room by the servant John, which he
occupied unmolested for the space OF ten
DAYS, ordering every thing which his fast.
dious taste desired: wines of the very best
and Oldest brands were ordered and sent
up to him; meals furnished in his apart
ments; extra servants were at his call, &c.
Sc. At the expiration of ten days our gen.
tleman handed the servant, John, a fifty
cent piece, requesting him to give it to the
landlord. Here matters stood day or
two; our worthy host of the Astor thinking
this small payment might possibly be hint
for him to present his bill, accordingly
ordered it made up, and presented it i'll
person. On entering his room, our host
found Mr.. Suckerman seated in the rock
ing chair, with his feet resting in small
Ter one, beside him was table with three
bottles of wine-his favorite brand; few
segars, SC.
"Good morning-good morning" re-
piled Mr.. Suckerman,-very glad to see
you; been excellently accommodated; never
better in my whole life; first rate house
this; good table. good wines, good servants,
very attentive; will send all my friends
here; will surely; really, sir, never was so
well treated before for nay money-have
had every attention; every luxury which
isfied" Our host cut off this a6ulation by
presenting his bill.
81 thought said our host, 81 would
hand in your bill-here it is; amount SS7
81 1-2 cts.
"My bill, did you say?-my bill! Why,
sir, have paid all agreed"
'.To whom did you paya'
''Sir paid your servant, John; l gave
him fifty cents, and told him to hand 1t to
You; let's see; yes 1t was the day before
Yesterday. This was every cent L had
all Ihod arhen came here. | told you
only wanted the very best accommodations
for n,y money. supposed all along was
having it. This bill really, sir, | cannot
pay-sorry you expect IT,.
AT this stage of proceedings, our host oi
the Astor began to see his position, and cut
Mr.. Suckerman short by telling him that
the joke was so well played off he would
give him his bill and fifty cents, providing
he would call on his friend Jennings, oi
the City Hotel, and play the same joke OF
him.
my good SIR said Mr.. suckerman, "a
will do any thing for you-you have been
so very kind; any thing you wish; but, re-
ally, sir; / cannot do that; 1t would not
be fair-.M. Jennings gare me the fifty
cents and told me TO come here.
s'John."
ayes, Sir"
ssTake this gentleman's baggage from
No, and order carriage and take hin
| wherever he wishes to go-Free!"
The last we saw of Mr.. Suckerman, he
was on his way-at Broadway.
Speaking of speed said a wag Tho
other day, I think they travel some on the
Hudson River Railroad. l stepped int
the car at Albany, got fairly seated a
Hudson, lighted my cigar at Poughkeepse,
spit out of the window at Peekskill, and j
hit a man at Sing Sing. The. Telegraph
poles looked like close picket fence, and
| on going to the end of the train, I fo1nt
x,- la 4 . .,-aIlr and :. fan r,t,, ailx- =,