Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1855-01-31
EV ENING STAR,

D0EsTIcKs GOES TO LECTION
NKw YoRK, Nov. 8. 1854. \
Seventy Hundred and One,
Marrow street.
Lection day, big placards, posters,
music, notices, split tickets, rum bullies.
banners, bonfires, and lager -bier-saw a
great many flags with appropriate de.
vices; noticed one in particular, the whis.
ky faction had it, coat of arms as fol.
lows: Within the American shield. two
lager-bler casks supporting rum bottle
rampant, lIishman azure-flat -on.his-
back-ant, sustsined by q wheelbarrow
couchant-sinister eye sable-in base
demijohn between two small decanters-
in the distance, policeman pendant, from
lamp-post standant motto, "Cominp
events cast their shadows before: let the
NJ. P. 8 beware" On the diverse, ticket
for City Officers, and opposed an Ameri-
can quarter dollar-motto, "Excbanpe
no Bribery" "Faugh Baaagh," "Go
in and win"
1t rained as if it was raining on q bet:
went to the polls, wanted to vote, WASH t
particular who for, if he only had the
biggest flags and the most bullies; was a
little puzzled after all how to do it: had
read all the political prints to find cut
the best man, but, in judging from what
the newspapers say concerning the diff.
ferent candidates, the various factions in
this city, entertain peculiar ideas about
the requisites necessary to qualify man
to ill public station. Not an indiyid-
ual is ever nominated for any Office, who
is not eulogized by some of the public
journals as drunkard, liar, swindler,
incendiary, assassin, or public robber.
Assuming, from the wonderful unanimity
of the papers on this subject, that these
amiable qualities constitute the fitness of
the nominees for places of honor, trust,
or profit, l have endeavored to analyze
the gradations of criminal merit, and dis.
cover exactly how big a rascal a man
must be to qualify him for any given of:
flee. The result of my investigation is
as follows:
No one is eligible to the office of Nav.
or of the city unless he has forged draft,
and got the money on it; and, on at least
two separate occasions, set fire to his
house to get the insurance. Candidates
for Aldermen qualify themselves by car.
rying a revolver, getting beastly drunk,
and stabbing policeman or two before
they get sober. A Common Councilman
must drink with the Short Bows. give
prizes to the firemen's target excursions.
carry slung-shot in bis pocket, and
have personal interest in a Peter Funk
auction-shop. A Police Justice must
gamble little, cheat considerable. lie
. good deal, and get drunk "clesr
through every Saturday night; If he
can read ca y words, and write his name,
it is, generally, no serious objection; but
the Know Nothings will not permit even
this, on the plea that the science of let
ters is of foreign origin. A man who can
pick pocket scientifically will make a
good constable. Aspirants to minor
Offices are classified according to desert,
but no one who has not, at least, COM
mitted petit larceny, is allowed a place
on any regular ticket.
As to offices of more Importance, 1
should say, from what can now iud ge,
that no man can ever be elected Governor
of the State unless he is guilty of a sue.
cessful burglary complicated with mid.
night murder. The rival candidates in
this present crisis had called each other
all the names, and accused each other OF
all the crimes imaginable, for the pre-
ceding six weeks-Boggs had been de-
/ nOunced as the plunderer of orphans and
seducer of innocent maidens, and the pil-
ferer Of hard-earned eoppers from the
poor. Noggs, according to his charitable
opponents, was q pickpocket, a sheep.
stealer, peter-funk, and an Irishman.
The candidate set up by the Know Moth.
ings, to claim votes on the plea of his
being an immaculate American, was
proved to be the child of French father
and Prussian mother, and to been born
in Calcutta-it was asserted that be com.
menced his eIucation in the northern
part Of Ethiopia, continued it in Dublin
and finally graduated at Botany Bay
Hoggs, who had once before held the of
flee he was now striving for, it was as
serted, had solemnly promised to pardon
all the murderers, liberate all the burg
lars, reward all the assassins, and pre-
sent all the shoulder hitters with an off.
'cial certificate of good moral character
which should also testify to their valua
bic and highly commendable exertions ir
the public behalf. Scroggs, too virtuous
to be severely handled, was merely men.
toned as having been formerly q swind
ler and member of the Common Coun.
Gil. Got to the polls man with q blue
flag urged me to 60 for Boggs; man with
. red flag said vote for Scroggs; mar
with white flag with black letters suns
out "go for Hoggs".little boy pulled
my coat-tail and whispered "vote fo,
Noggs :" man challenged my vote, took
off my hat, held up my hand, and swor,
to all sorts of things; told how old / am
where l get my dinners, and what my
washcrwoman's name is; got mad, anc
did little extra swearing on my owl
account, which was not down in tn,
: bill;" marched up in a grand procession
Of one and poked my vote in the littl,
l. hole Tho great avc;t am o,,t xr.o ov, fl.