The American patriot., 1855-05-19
HUMOROUS CLIPPINGS.

since, We understand says the New York Day
BOOK, m secret Female Academy up town
compromising somewhat the mistress Of the
establishment, Several Of the pupils mothers
had dropped in and remained to take dish Of
tea, and being short Of milk, an Irish girl was
sent to a neighboring grocery to get some
The tea was handed round and some surprise
waa felt that the milk did not color it, but no
thing was said. s.ssisp7f - se,.,t
The peculiar flavor, too, was remarked, but
no one liked to speak at length one lady ven.
tured hint, and the exclamations became
general. The mistress Of the academy colored
very deeply, but, Of course could not account
for 1t, and summoned the girl. a3'sr httcalt
" Bridget" said the lady, "what was that
you obtained at the groceryg' afs
"Shure 1t was milk, maam,n replied the
girl. eVJl ,Ft I'm .GkHH 8Ff&
"Milk!" exclaimed the lady, "why smell
it," handing her the jug at the same time.
It's gin, tits, or my nose desaves me, said
the girl, "but shurc it's milk l asked for. and
don't 60 there for the same kind of milk for
you, maam?" -7 '-.
II is needless 70 say that the indignant pa.
rents quilted the house after very formal
leave-taking and that several young ladies' were
hastily summoned home. 7"a f',fA
Quite Joke happened to ono of the doctors
the other day. He ordered some very power
full medicine for sick boy, and the father, not
liking the appearance of it forced it down the
cats throat, and when the doctor called again.
and inquired if the powder had cured tho boy,
the father replied mo we didn't give il to
him." ...l IN, s'+o
GOOD heavens" said the doctor, "s the
child living?"
q" Yes, but the old cat isn't; We gave II to
her" az --...s
81 The doctor sloped. D, n, ...-....t. 49,.
The Scotch parson was betrayed into more
puns than he meant to make When he
prayed for the Council and the Parliament,
that they might hang together in those trying
times, . countryman standing by cried out;, :
Eyes. with MI my heart, and the sooner the
better; it's the prayerof all good people,"
"But my friends" said the parson, II don't
mean as that fellow docs; but pray that they
may al hang together in accord and concord"
i'"No matter what cord" the inveterate fel-
low sung out again, 80 it's only astrong one."
II called at Doctor Phyic's office one day."
writes Philadelphia friend, "and found one
Of the most noted Of our sexton. undertakers
lying on settee, Whiting for the return of the
doctor. The familiarity Of his position, and
the perfect athomeativeness indicated, led int
to say: ta.
"Why, Mr.. Plume have you gone into part
nership with the Doctor?" 3d..
"Yes," ho replied, as he raised himself up;
we've been together some time. always car
~ the Doctors work home when it is donc."'.
~ do declare, Polly, you look pretty enufl
to eat!"
Solomon, amt eating as fast as | can,"
replied the danse, with her mouth full
Mr.. Whitesidc, the barristcr cross examin.
ing a Witness in Dublin, somewhat rudely
asked him if he had ever been before public
CourtP To be sure was, and fined for an
assault. barrister annoyed me so much by
his silly questioning, as it is called, that
knocked him down. Lawyers think they
have q right to insult witness. / taught
hat fellow different lcsson.' Barrister:
: You may go down." Broad hint--wisc law.
yer!
Coon SrNsE.The New York Times, in the
course Of "A Column of Talk for Young Men
IN Small Wages has this orthodox paragraph
m the subject Of dress. We commend the
entiments to some "fast colts" Of these parts;
or they are sentiments always sin fashion"
With sensible people erywhere-albeit they
nay appear more rusty than "old clos" to
;ay hearts and light heads in certain locali-
les: rs
Then as TO dress, it is great nonsense to say
hat all must dress fashionable or lose caste.
THAT is the fashion? Who wears fashiona.
'lc coat, and how do you know it is the fash
on? Tell us one substantial merchant, one
hrifty mechanic, one successful lawyer or one
Gentleman who wears it, and We will name ten
# each equally noted and successful, who do
lot, and ten fops whom you utterly dcspise
hat do. The fashion in New York for men
ust now, requires clean, decent garment,
nd no patches on it--no more, no less A
ady might wear her grandmother's shawl in
and not be noticed. The timid
mes, and those just in from other cities and
illages alone arc worried about their looks
Vhen they wear a last winters bonnet to tho
ecture or to church. Let the young initiate
Ill -