Kenosha tribune and telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1855-1855, 1855-02-15
From Godey's Ladies' Book
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
BY PATIENCE PERKINS.

am the LATE Patience Price, immortal
by my history of MY Brother Tom pub
lished originally in this magazine, transla-
ted and cockneyiz in England, and re-
produced in this country as an English af-
fair l married a widower with ten chill.
dren. Ifyou wish to know why ask my
brother Tom, and ne will tell you. So much
for my antecedents, now for my 'Mother-in
Law.
flatter myselfthat Ihaye common senses
even my brother Tom admits that, as a
general rule, though he cites exceptional
circum stances. do know enough to re-
tire into the house when it rains, or to take
an omnibus, or to spread an umbrella. l
have seen children before to-day ifnever any
of my own, actual own, thrse of my sister S
NOT few and my husbands ten by a
former connection, and ! do think that my
husbands mother might give me credit for
some capacity. If marrying Il man with
ten children is any proof of imbeciity, as
some people pretend, my mother-in-law
should, at any rate be the last to reproach
me with it.
do not know how good medlar 'mong
dler' in ones household affairs is intoler-
able. do not know precisely of what the
first Mrs. Perkins died; but if ever coro-
ner's jury sits upon me, or if the doctor
makes true report to the superintendent
of the health office, know the verdict in
the one case, or the report in the other,
will be,-'an over dose of mother-in law. ;
Mr. Perkins, my dear lord and master, is
well enough, perhaps sho'd say very well.
| don't think he killed his first wife, but |
do hope shall never be required to de-
clare upon oath what are my firm conyic-
tons upon the subject | might make a
disturbance in the family.
1.-THE woman was born for a plague, she
is fulfilling her mission. buch peaked
face! Such a long neck! Such length.
ened sourness, long drawn out. Such q
lean and hungry look! If she were any.
body but my husbands mother, coul.
appeal to him for protection, but can no
ask the man to rise in rebellion agains
his own flesh and blood, the author of hi:
being, wish she could be content Will
the original production, and not imagine he
needs her continual supervision, as an au
thor supervises new editions and makes al
terationS in every one.
Nv welcome to the house was damper
Mr.. Perkins, before his marriage, never
let mesee his mother. Widowers are prompt
and artful. Let them but breathe or a
maiden with intent TO capture; the proyerb
saws, and the end is sure. The fascination
of a serpent exerted upon bird is not more
certain. am half inclined to accuse my
husband of dupicity-of obtaining a wife
under false pretences-the second offence
too. the monster A mans children we
expect to be plagued with; perhaps the cs-
cape from early nursing, Godfrey S cordial,
Delby's carminative, teething, and all that
sort of thing is quite an equivalent for any
Inconvenience which may grow out ofbeing
a Mother at second hand, with afamily cap.
ital all ready to commence married life up
on. But by did not the creature tell me
that he was to be taken with this other ant
extra incumbrance? Why is not the mar
riage service altered TO meet such case:
thus.
i, Patience, take thee Timothy, Cane
thy paother) to MP welded husband (anC
mother-ia-law) to have and to hold'-ant
the rest fit. ! ana sure | have and hole
tR0ES DJ IHO-lhltuS OlIllc LuOJLlCT tUdu Oh illt
son. Oh, poor me!
My welcome as said was n damper-
She kissed me heartily enough-too heart
ily-for she smelt horribly of snuff, Sh,
tasted of it, indeed: and if could believ,
that any womaneyer put powdered tobacco
in her mouth instead of in the proper plac,
If the nose even is the proper place
she is the person. She turned me rounC
and roud, and looked me all over with mos
wonderful nonchalance. She wondered
whether my eyes were dark hazel, suggest
ed caps as part OF the toilet Of the mother
of ten children, and desired to know my
Christian name, as she Intended to be
very kind and motherly. Besides she
said. 1 am Mrs Perkins and one Mr.,
Perkins is enough in house Mr.. Per
kins WINGED a little at this, for it was no
the first time she had told him so. Wher
answered that my name was Paticnc
she said
Patience! humph! you are wellnam
for you will have time of it, But la, dear
we must be cheerful, and begin with a Gu
OF tea And such pleasant look she pu
on to second her invitation Her face
the hsoitua! incarnation of lamentation:
and when she attempts a smile her feature
are so unused 10 it that it seems more Xix
twist of pain than an expression of nleas
ure.
You will have time of it, she repeat
ed for my encouragement as she Mace
me at the head of table behind wilde,
ness of cups and saueers and other tea an
toast paraphanalia There is no com
pany to night. Patience; just ourselves
She watched with hope for a eontrefemp.
as proceeded to tea and toast the lit
multitude, but survived it. have Learn