Plymouth advertiser. [volume] (Plymouth, Ohio) 1853-1988, 1855-07-14
sQUIBs


An egO,isi isespeeiaIly hated by all 9TH
er egotists.
MiseTies are endless. IL we stand in fear
Of all possibilities. |
They use-war-whoops out west for Sc
curing whisky-barrels.
Prodigals are born to misery, but but
terfiies are born Of grubs.
To beangry with weak man is proof
that you are not very strong yourself
"There are only two bad things in this
world" says Hannah Moore. "sin and
bile"
Girls with red hair are said to fall in
love with twice the intensity Of those hav-
ing black. They also talk twice as fast
and four times as hard.
have no desire to see the city burn,
but wish to see the city laid in in ashes,
as the lady said when she slipped on the
frozen pavement.
A brother editor tells us, that when he
was in prison for libelling Justice of the
peace, he was requested by the jailor tn
give the prison puff.
A PlcTuRE.--A tall ladder leaning
against house, a darkie at the top, and
hog scratching himself against the bot
tom. 'Gway-gway dar. You'm ma
kin mischief
An office-holding chap being asked
how he contrived to hold Office under sue
cessive administrations, replied that ad-
miniStrations must be darned smart that
could change oltener than he could
An old man speaking of his great
knowledge of the western country, said
he had known the Mississippi river since
it was small creek
They have got to growing chickens SO
large in Massachusetts,, that farmers have
to sell by the quarter, like pork. These
are chickens to crow over.
/ Money is so scarce in the west tha'
when two dollars meet they are such
strangers to each other that the owners
have to introduce them.
MY DEAR said an Irish gentleman tc
his wife, Il would rather the children were
kept in the nursery when | am at home
although l should not object to theil
noise, if they would only be quiet
Il meant to have told you of that hole,
said man to his friend, who had STUN.
bIed into pit full Of water, a lew days
since. NO matter now no matter now,
said the other, blowing the mlpl and wa
ter out Of his mouth, I've found it out :
!, GENEROUS PEoPLE.--Ihe young lady
who let's her mother do the ironing, fo
fear of spreading her hands the Mis-:
who wears thin shoes on rainy day, anC
. the young gentleman who is ashamed tt
be seen walking with his father.
:, A New HAVEN paper in describing tn
) localities of three prominent institutions o
f that city, says, "the Medical College is OIL
the road to the Cemetery; the Divinity Col
lege on the road to the Poor House, AM
the Law School on the road to the jail.
A SELL--The city Marshall of Bangor
Maine, seeing a man drinking somethin!
out of bottle, offered him three dollars t
tell him where he got it. The money wa
, paid over and pockctcd, and the Marsha
was shown to the pump! The bottle con
tanned water.
: I say, mister, how came your eye SO a
= fired crooked?' My eyes?' Yes 'B
sitting between two gals, anil trying to loo
> love to both at the same time
: Sam, | have lost my watch overheard
Y it lies here in twenty feet of water.
h there any way to get i?' Yes, says San
y there are divers ways
n '>lr. Tim, how do you keep your accou1
e books?' %, by double entry 'Doub
'e entry; how's that? %, easy enough.
l. make one entry and father makes anothe
= 1t was great piece of saving in Il
~ good, pious woman, when she declined
, pray for the downfall of Satan's kingdo
=, because she hated to see anything wasted
e. Seven years fight ng, says Jeremy Tia
,h lor, 'sets a whole kingdom back in lear
it ing and virtue. to which they were cree
o. ing, it may lie, whole age
a cabin boy on board a ship, the ca
ol tain of which was u religious man. "
IT, called up to be whipped for some mist
u meanor. Little Jack went trembling a
II, sail to the captain
no Pray sir, will you wait till say |
P prayers"
H. YES was the stern reply.
ne We'll, them replied Jack, trumphan
al Tll say them when | get ashore!'
~ PRovISG CHARAcTER.-'Do you KIN
y" the prisoner, Mr.. Jones q
Yes, to the bone
'What is his characters?
'oe Didn't know he had any,
eS s Does he live near you p
VIZ, 'iie so near that he has only spent five 81
vi VI lings for fre-wood in eighty years.
Se' Did he ever come into collision "
un you in any matter?'
NC Only once, and that was -vhen no
oPe drunk and mistook me for lamp-pos
'oni 'From what you know of him, We
ore, you believe him under oath?'
=, anu " THAT depends upon circumstances.
al he was so much intoxicated that he did
ooH 1 know what he was doing, | would.
'ooo not, wouldn't
naf An Irishman in Rhode Island was al
marrying girl who had pretty su,
wild money. Now the priest, hearing of
q Of desired to get piece Of the money,
- as told the bridegroom he would charge t
tY-hve dollars for performing the mar