The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1855-05-16
DnmorOus.
Speech of Zachariah Spicer.

Speech of zachariah Spicer.
On the question" Which enjoys the
the greatest amount of happiness, the
bachelor or the married MANI"
Mr.. President and gentleman rise
to advocate the cause of the married
man. And why should not? Ielaim
to know something shout the institution
do. Will any gentlman pretend to
say do not Let them accompany
me home. Let me confront him With
my wife and seventeen children and de.
eide.
High as the Rocky Mountains tower
above the Mississippi Valley, does the
oharasterofthe married man tower above
that of the bachelor. Whist is bache-
lor? What was Adam before he got ac-
quainted with Eve. What but poor,
shift Ilsss, helpless, Insignificant creaturep
No more to be compared with his after.
self, than mill dam to the great roar.
ing cataract of Niagara. (Applause.
Gentlemen, there was time, I'blush
to say it, when too was . bachelor;
and a more miserable creature you
would hardly expect to find. Every
day I toiled hard, and at night came
home to my comfortless garret-no car
pet, no FIRE, no nothing. Everything
was in elatter, and in the words of the
poet ::
Confusion was monarch of all he surveyed.
Here lay pair of pants, there q dirty
pair of boots; there play bill and here
pile of dirty clothes. What wonder
that took refuge At the gaiming-tabls
and bar-room. found it would never
do, gentlemen, and in lucky moment Z
vowed to reform. Scarcely had the
promise passed my lips, when knock
was card ut the door, and in came Su-
san Simpkins after my dirty slothss
Mr.. Spicsr," says she, I've wash
ed for you ak months, and hayn't seen
the first red cent in the way ofpaymsaG
Now I'd like to know what you are
going to do about it?' ssas
felt in my pocket book There was
nothing in it, and knew it we'll enough.
Z" Miss Simpkins," said I, C its no
use denying it. havn't got the pewter
I wish for your sake had" = s'i
There" said she promptly, I" I
don't wash another rag for you."
Stop" said I. a Susan, I viii do
what can for you. Silver and gold I
have none but if my heart and my hand
will do, they are at your serVice.n
Are you in earnest ?" says she
looking little suspicious.
Never more SO, says I.
"Then says she cas- there seems to
be no prospect of getting my pay any
other way, I guess I'll take you mp with
your offer"
Enough said. We we're married in y
week; and what's more we haven't re-
pented it. No more attics for me, gen.
tlemen I live in q good house, and
have somebodyto mend my Clothes
When I was a poor, miserable bachelor
gentlemen, used to be as thin as .
weasel. Now am plump a. q poker.
In conclusion gentlemen, if you want
to be poor, ragged devil, without .
coat to your back, or shoe to your foot;
if yon want to grow cid before your time,
and as uncomfortable generally, a. .
hedge hog rolled up the wrong way, I
advise you to remain bachelor; but If
you want to live decsntly and respecta-
bly,, get married. I've got ten daugh-
ters, gentlemen, ,(overpousring applausel
and you may have your pick.
Mr.. Spioer sat down amid long ccn-
tinued plaudits. The generous proposal
with which he concluded, secured him
five sons-in-laws. @