Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1855-07-12

i OF the moment, WOulQ rouse me into
perfect fend against any one else; but
Herbert's voice and manner soothed me
under every kind of excitement. In
any paroxysm of rage-the very worst
Il was gentle to him; and l had never
known yet the fit of fury which had not
yielded to his remonstrance. 1 had
grown almost to look on him as my good
angel against the devil whom the rod
could not scourge out of me.
We were walking on the cliffs one day,
Herbert and 1, for we lived by the sea-
side. And indeed think that wild sea
made me fiercer than l should else have
been. The cliffs where we were that
day were high and rugged; in some
places going down sheer and smooth in
to the sea, in others jagged and rough,
but always dangerous. Even the sam
phire gatherers dreaded them. They
were Of crumbling sandstone, that broke
away under the hands and feet; for we
had often climbed the practicable parts,
and knew that great masses would
crumble and break under our grasp, like
mere gravel heaps. Herbert and |
stood for short time close to the edge
of the highest cliff; Haglin's Crag it
was called; looking down at the sea,
which was at high tide. and foaming
wildly about the rocks. The wind was
very strong, though the sky was almost
cloudless; it roared round the cliffs, and
lashed the waves into surging foam,
that beat furiously against the base, and
brought down showers of earth and sand
with each blow as it struck. The sight
of all this life and fury of nature fever
ed my blood and excited my imagina-
ton to the highest. A strange desire
seized me- l wanted to Chamber down
the face of the cliffs-to the very base
and dip myself in the white waves foam
ing round them. 1t was wild fancy,
but l could not conquer it, though l
tried to do so; and L felt equal to its ac-
complishment.
Herbert, am going down the cliff"
1 said. throwing my cap on the ground.
Nonsense, Paul. said Herbert
laughing. He did not believe me, and
thought was only in jest.
When, however, he saw that l was
serious and that l did positively intend
to attempt this danger, he opposed me
in his old manner of gentleness and love;
the manner which had hitherto subdued
me like magic spell. He told me that
it was my certain death l was rushing
into, and he asked me affectionately to
desist.
Twas annoyed at his opposition. For
the first time his voice had no power
over me; for the first time his entreaties
fell dead on my ears. Scarcely hearing
Herbert, scarcely seeing him, / leant
over the cliffs; the waves singing to me
as with human voice; when l was
suddenly pulled back, Herbert saying to
me angrily-
"Paul, are you mad? Do you think
1 will stand by and see you kill your
self"
He tore me from the cliff. 1t was a
strain like physical anguish when I
could no longer see the waters. turn
ed against him savagely, and tried to
shake off his hand. But he threw his
aims round me, and held me firmly, and
the feeling of constraint, of imprison
ment, overcame my love. l could not
bear personal restraint even from him.
His young slight arms seemed like lead
en- chains about me; he changed to the
hideousness of a jailor; his opposing
love, to the insolence of tyrant. l
called hoarsely to him to let me free; but
he still clung round me. again l call
ed; again he withstood me; and then /
struggled with him. Ny teeth were set
.fast-my hand clenched, the strength
of a strong man was in me. l seized
him by the waist as l would lift young
child, and hurled him from me. God
help Nell did not see in what direc-
ton.
1t was as if the shadow had fallen be-
tween me and the sun, so that l could
see nothing in its natural light. There
was no light and no color. The sun
was as bright overhead as before; the
grass lay at my feet as cleaning as be-
fore; the waves flung up their sparkling
showers; the wind tossed the branches
full of leaves, like boughs of glittering
gems, as it tossed them ten minutes ago;
but l saw them all indistinctly new,
through the veil the midst of this dark
ness. The shadow was upon me that
has never left me since. Day and night
it has followed me; day and night its
chill lay on my heart. A voice sound
ed increasingly within me, Murder,
and lost soul, forever and forever!'
1 turned from the cliff resolutely, and
went towards home. Not limb failed
me, not moments weakness was on
me. Invent home with the intention of
denouncing myself as the murderer of
my friend; and / was calm because l
felt that his death would be avenged
hoped for the most patient degrada-
ton possible tohumanity. Ny only de-
sire was to avenge the murder of my
friend on myself, his murderer; and l
walked along quickly that might over
take the slow hours, and gain the mo-
ment of expiation.
went straight to the masters room.
He spoke to ME harshly, and ordered
me out If his sight, as he did whenever
Icame before him. / told him authori-
| t;salx, to licfaa 10 ma. bad so.-.o.l:.