The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1855-05-24
A Holy Pack of Cards.

Richard Middleton, British soldier
once attended divine service with the rest
of his regiment, in a church in Glasgow.
Instead of pulling out Bible to find the
parsons text, he spread pack of cards
before him. This behavior was observed
by the clergyman, and the sergeant Of
the company to which he belonged. The
latter ordered him to put up the cards,
and on his refusal, conducted him after
service before the Mayor and preferred a
formal complaint Of Richards indecent
behaviour.
"Well, soldier" said the Mayor, "what
excuse have you to offer! If you can
make an apology, it is we'll; if not, you
shall be severely punished"
"Since your honor is so good" replied
Richard, "as to permit me to speak for
myself, ant please your worship, l have
been eight days on the march, with the
bare allowance of sixpence per day, and
consequently could not have a Bible
or any other good book" On saying this
Richard drew out bis pack of cards, and
presenting one of the aces to the Mayor,
continued his address to the magistrate
as follows :-"When see an ace, may it
please your honor, it reminds me that
there is only one God and when l look
upon two or three spot, the former puts
me in mind of the Father and Son, and
the latter, of the Father, Son and Holy
Ghost four, the four Evangclists, Mat
thew, Mark, Luke and John; the FIVE, five
virgins who were ordered to trim their
lamps, (there were ten, indeed,) but five
your worship may remember, were wise,
and five were foolish; six, that in six
days God created Heaven and earth a
seven, that on the seventh day he rest
ed from all that he had made; an eight,
righteous persons who were saved from
the deluge, viz: Noah and his wife and
three sons, and their wives; a nine, OF
the lepers cleansed by our Saviour, (there
were ten, but only one offered his tribute
of thanks and ten, Of the ten command,
ments."
/ Richard then took the knave, placed
it beside him, and passed on to the queen,
on which he observed as follows -
"This queen reminds me of the queen
of Sheba, who came from the uttermost
parts of the earth to hear the wisdom ot
Solomon, as her companion the king does
of the Great King Of Heaven, and of King
George the Second"
"Well," returned the Mayor, "you have
given me a good description of all th'
cards except the knave."
(, eff your honor will not be angry Will
me-" returned Richard, II can give yol
the same satisfaction on that, as on an,
in the pack"
"No," said the Mayor.
DWELL, returned the soldier, "the great
est knave I know is the sergeant whc
brought me before you"
~ don't know" replied the Mayor
"Whether he be the greatest knave or not
but I am sure he is the greatest fool"
The soldier then continued, as follows
"When I count the number of dots il
pack there are three hundred and sixt.
fve-so many days are there in year
The cards in a.pack are fifty-two' man
weeks are there in year. When | reck
on how many tricks there are in pack
I find there are twelve-so many month
in year. So that pack of cards is bot
Bible and almanac, and prayer-book t
: me-"
The Mayor called his servants, order
ed them TO entertain the soldier we'll, CAV
him a piece of money, and said he was tf
, cleverest fellow he ever heard in all h
life.