Georgetown weekly news., 1855-01-04

DoEsTICKs GOES TO 'LECTIoN.-Dr. Doe
sticks, the perfect brick of a correspondent
of the Detroit Daily Advertiser, attended
and voted at the city election in New Y ork
He says:
1t rained as if it was raining on a bet
went to the polls, wanted to vote wasn't
particular who for, if he only had the big
gest flags and the most bullfes; was little
puzzled after all how to do it; had read all
the political prints to find out the best man,
but In judging from what the newspapers
say concerning the different candidates, the
various factions in this city entertained pc
culiar ideas about the requisites necessary
to qualify man to fill q public station
Not an individual is ever nominated for any
Office who is not eulogized by some of the
public Journals as drunkard, liar, swindler,
lncendlary, assassin or public robber. As
suming from the wonderful unanimity of
the papers on this subject, that these anna
BILE qualities constitute the fitness of the
nominees for places of honor, trust or profit,
L have endeavored to analyze the gradations
OF criminal merit, and discover exactly how
big rascal man must be to qualify him
for any given office. The result of my in
vestigatiOns are as follows:
No one is eligible to the office of Mayor
of this city unless he has forged draft and
got the money on it; and, on at least two
separate occasions, set fire to his house to
get the insurance. Candidates for Alder
men qualify themselves by carrying revol-
yer, getting beastly drunk, and stabbing
a policeman or two before they get sober
A Common Councilman must drink with
the Short Boys, give prizes to the fremen's
target excursions, carry slung shot in his
pocket, and have personal interest in a
Peter Funk auction shop. A Police JUS
tice must gamble little, cheat consider
able, lie a good deal, and get drunk Hclear
through" every Saturday night. If he can
read easy words and write his name, it is
generally no serious objection; but the
Know Nothings will not permit even this.
on the plea that the science of letters is of
foreign origin A man who can pick
pocket scientifically will make a good con-
stable. AspirantS to minor offices are clas-
sifed according to desert, but no one who
has not, at least, committed petty larceny
is allowed place on any regular ticket.
Got to the polls; man with the blue flag
urged nae to go for Boggs; man with the
red flag said vote for ScrOggs; man with a
white flag with black letters sung out, go
for Hoggs'-httle boy pulled my coat tail
and whispered, "Vote for Noggs''-
challenged my vote, took off my hat, held
up my hand, and swore to all sorts of things
told how old | am, where ! get my dinners,
and what my washerwOman's name is: got
mad and did little extra swearing on my
own account, which was not "down in the
BILL" marched up in grand procession of
one. and poked my vote in the little hole.
Irish woman, with bag of potatoes on
her head, came up to vote--she said Dennis
was sick, (drunk,) but as Mr.. Hoggs had
paid for his vote, she had brought it herself
in order that it might not be lost She was
with difficulty checked off by the heroic as
pirant to the civic star. Whiskey men be-
gan to fall behind, messenger sent to Wards
Island, and one to Blackwells ditto, for
aid. Fresh-caught Irishman came up
been but fifteen minutes off the ship "Pau-
pers Refuge" but was brought up by the
bullieS to vote for whiskey man-challenged
him-he swOre he was twenty-seven years
old; had always lived in this country-ten
years in Maine-eleven in South Carolina
eight in Maryland-and the last nine
years ofhis life he had spent in this CITY,
Said he was ful[blooded American; that
his father was a New Hampshire farmer
and his mother Mohawk squaw; that they
had separated three years before he was
born, and had never seen each other since