Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1855-08-09
An Amateur Phrenologist.

Oar neighbor, Colonel s., tells capital
story of certain wag in Erie, (Penn.,) Jolly
publican, who contributes good deal to the
life of that pleasant but sometimes very ubsti-
nate borough. One morning, a travelling
phrenologst arrived at his inn, and took lodg-
ihgs. The next day in the village paper APP
peared an advertisement, stating that Professor
b had arrived in Erie, and would make,
for considerations examination of the heads
Of the citizens, and accompany the same with
accurate, reliable charts of character. For
three or four days the calls were sparse bat
on the fifth day, there was rush Of five or six
TO the apartment of the Professor.
One morning conntryman entered the inn
where the phrenologist had his rooms, and said
to our landlord aforesaid Is this the place
where the phrenologist holds out, who can tell
a mans ka-racer by the bumps into his skull!'
Yes, answered Boniface, with reserved and
dignifed manner. wal, want my potato
trap looked into little. Where is the man 9
am the man, said the landlord. Oh you
be eh = Wal, put in, feel o. my Jumps, and
gin up map. What's the swindle,' There
is no swindle sir phrenology is a science, sir
"a liberal science 'Oh! yes xpect so; but
what's the price for feelin' feller's- head =
Que dollar with chart Wal. 20 it; what
do du lie down, or sit upi Does it hurt
Not in the least, sir ; take your seat in that
chair There were four or FIVE morning
loungers in the tavern, who checked laugh,
as the countryman took his seat, having first,
as requested, removed his coat, vest and neck
cloth. The wag Of landlord ran his hands
through the hair of the patient for moment
and then said to the bartender. 'Mr. Fhpkins,
take sheet of paper, draw four lines down it's
whole length, and put down my figures under
the heads | tell you II was done. Have
you got it! = Yes !; all right Very well :
and the landlord went on with his examination,
which was rougher, perhaps, than there was
any actual necessity for. Put down Philo-
progentiveness sirty.' Down, sir Very
well (; Reverence, two Booked, Sir
'Combativeness, tico hundredp What's that!'
said the victim. No matter, Sir ; you'll see
it on the chart. Caution, one Credulily
four hundred whats that last lump!
asked the patient. Never mind now you'll
understand it by and by. And now, Mr..
Flipkins. you've put these in separate columns,
as usual~!' Yes, Sir Very well and
add EN- up!' Add 'em up exclaimed the
chronological subject is that the way you
DOT Ofc-o-u-r-s-e! How else could we get
your balance Of miud-of intellect Wal, go
ahead = How does it Daboll, Mr.. Flipknsr
The three columns are equal-they foot up
precisely the same!' The landlord looked SOL
EMMY and sympathisingly towards his subject:
1t is very strange, says he, 'but it is So
Phrenology never lies. You have no FREEDOM
inant character, sir you have no intellectual
status; you don't know anything, sir. Excuse
me, sir but must state the truth, whether
you take a chart or not but, sir, if there is
any truth in phrenology, you are fool! Un-
der the circumstances, sir, can scarcely ex-
pect you 10 desire to keep the chart which you
have contracted for that is a matter OF small
consequence, as il will be valuable illustration
Of unique species, which can use in my lec-
lures hereafter. ! authenticate all my lectures
with real names and residence The charge
of deception in science, is one which was new
er brought against me, sir, and never ,OiA be,
sir-neuer.' Oh never mind give US the
map said the subject; here's the swindle,
for it is swindle; but Id rather pay it than to
have you goin' round the country maxim fool
OF me everywhere else as you have here-you
blasted philoprogentive humbug, youI' With
this explosion the subject retired. -Knckerbock-
a., 10 I,,T,t