Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1855-11-29
pen, 5uste + Stissprs.

" HC SlSdh odlutI lAkGlGStI rules lue wOfiu
alone.
NJ N,ver make money at The expense of
your reputation.
GJTake no physic when you are we'll, lest
you Gle 10 be better.
GTBe generous 10 those who hold different
opinions fIom youIself.
NJ Truth is like a torch, The more it's sha.
ken, the more it shines.
uJ'Puneh says poverty must be woman
ii is so fond Of pncbng person.
GTA wise man knows his own ignorance
TOOL thinks he knows everything.
GJ'A table Of eontents--a dinner tnble. A
table of dSconients-a gambling table.
R5~"A las, | am no more" as Miss Susan
Ioore remarked after taking the bridal VOW.
| Gj.W hat is knowledge? To be away from
home when people come 10 borrow books and
umbrellas.
JAn Irshman down East warns the public
not TO rrst his wife, because he was never
married 10 her.
D'lf you want your neghbors 10 "know
who you are," give parry and don't invite
the FOLKS who live next door.
lJA writer in one of The western paners on
School discipline, says: without q liberal
use of the rod, il is impossible 10 make boys
smart"
| GF"Insults," says modern PHILOSOPHER,
care like counterfeit money, We can't hinder
Their being offered, bYl we are not compelled
TO take them"
| gl'An exchange paper quotes from Psul's
writings, cove no man anylhing," and tEen
adds, 'We fear some Of our subscribers never
read PauIs epiSles."
| 0TA gentleman, seeing The town crier Of
Bristol one market day standing unemployed.
asked him the reason. "Oh," said he, "can't
cry to-day; my wife is deadp'
MAN lrishman giving his testimony in one
Of our courts, few days since, in q riot case,
said, "Be jaberS, the frs: man saw coming
. al me when got up, was two brickba,s"
n--7 DobbS, ;he portrait painter, says that
everything should be in character. For IN
stance, search warrants should be printed on
trDcing paper, and wedding notices on fools
cap.
uj"A gentleman rode up to public house
in the country, and asked :-"Who is master
" 'hI' HouSe 7! II am, SIT, fepled the
/ landlord my wife has been dead about three
weeks"
~ friend of The lamenied Hoop, on whom
| the pnnSleT'S rnHntlr seems 10 have faIlen.
says Of him: "Poor Elood-died of pure gen.
erosty-lo CRAFTY The undertaken, who wished
10 urn hoety Hood"
Gr"My dear madam" said doctor 10 his
patient "l am truly glatifeG to see you in life.
At my last visit, You know, | said that YOU had
but SIX hours 10 lye2' eyes, doctor, YOU did:
Oul did not take the dose you left me.''
GTLawyers according 10 Martial, are men
'who eat their words and anger Their
words are very costly although inlrnscallv
they often resemble the darkeys account
which didn't amount 10 any particular sum-"
| 1T"Do you mean TO challenge the iury?"
whispered lawyer 10 his Irish client in Cali
! fornla." "Yis, be jaberS," wos the answer;
"if they don't acquii me, name 10 challenge
every spalpeen Of 'em; wants ye to give 'em
a hint OF il, TOO"
CooL!-swiggeit, of the cennersyle Tele-
graph, says:
If we have offended any man in the short
but brilliant course of our public career, let
mat man send US new hat, and say nothing
more about il.
o. Isaac, my dear son. said Yrs. Parting
ton, recently. beings you have good larnen,
and know all about the course on human
events, can't you tell me if Sebnster Pool,
about whom the papers talk so much now.a-
days, IS any relation 10 Bill Poole, who was
killed in New York.
QT'T Let every body eat potatoes instead of
bread while. They can be cooked and dress
Ell up IN hundred different ways. They will
he plenty aud cheap. Try it, and the -four
will prove dead loss 10 spectators packers,
and storers for high prices,
GTA good joke vas played OF at Toledo,
Ohio, the other day, by the telegraph operator,
in senhing to the hotels and dtpotS about town,
10 inquire Tor trunk marked l.. E. Fant.-
After close search by the baggage masters,
clerlS, &C., all came to The conclusion that
the Elephant always takes his trunk with him.
lJNThe following is the opinion the In
dinnapoliS State Journal, the leading fusion
sheet in Indiana has OF Lewis d. Campben:
We do not di"lrusl his political integrity,
though we do not admire his ability so greatly
as the Gazette seems 10 do. We thought him
a greater man while We heard Of him, Than
we did when We heard him.
aJThe Rev. Nv smithkins, who, by the
way, has holy horror Of grammar and oTthog-
raphy, thus describes the "depnriure" of
''Sain:" "When drrope al the house of nv
deceased friend, he was perspring his last. +
stood by his bedside aud said, as he was loo
Ear gone to speak, brother, if yru feel happy
now, Jist squeeze my hand,' and he squoze it.''
A DisTIScTIoN WITHOUT DrFFERANcE. By
Mr. William Sykes, (liS first appearance in any
column:)
II fellows break into house,
To bone The cash they needs,
And gets off safely with the swas,
IT'S said the thief succeeds!
II bankers does the self same thing,
Upon larger scale,
And they gets safely al the swag,
IT'S said The bankers fall
U"of all things" says the Dublin Univer.
| lityMagazine, "aVoid vulgar whlsker. This
is OF various kinds: A short, scrubby. intomi-
table red whisker is avulg gar hiskrt; q weak,
tlzzy, white, moth eaten, moudy whSker isa
vulgar whiskeTj o twisting, twin e, seniimen-
tai, corkscrew of q whisker; a big, black
bluff, brutal looking whiSker is vulgar whis.
! ker; malhe matical, meiholicsl, master of art.
seal diagram OF whisker lisa vulgar whisksr,
iWhstsvsr is no. an! " these- vii ao."