Smyrna times., 1855-01-10

a place IN your valuable pages, you are at llDer-
'ty to publish it. H.B-
HOW TO CHOOSE A WIFE.
To teach fra man the all.impor'ant art
OF wisely choosing his fair counterpart,
grasp my quill Dear Hymen lend light,
Trim, thine old torch, and hold it whilst write;
Then blushing bachelors shall take thy yOke
And maidens laugh, delighted a, The joke
Friead, your hand you finally engage,
P.uy de not fail to find the ladys age
horses age may by his teeth be known.
BY cther proofs u woman's must be shown
Ask her the question, gravely she'll declare
(rho1,gh iity) she is in her nineteeRtk year.
Consult the parish register at once
And leave not this momentOus point to chance,
Trust not her face-her teeth--her glossy haic-
From these, not often will the truth ,ppear-
The damask rose that on her cheek is blowing,
May to lhe magic power of paint be owng
The rows of pearls within her lips espied.
A dentists kindness has perchance supplIedi
Th0ugh like lions her tresses fall,
A peruke maker may hare furnished all
Shuuld some old tempter in this young disguise,
,(which might deceive old Argus hundre eyesl
'On,e make you captive, you have no redress
The Law forsakes you IN this DIRE distress
You cannot punish her for false preIences.
Although sue quite berOaves you of yOdr senses.
The young should not. TO a mind Of gold,
Take to their arms the wrinked ard the old.
Nor should the old wed mardeRsI IN their teens
Though bright as Venus, and as rich asqueens.
No sympathy dwell IN such odd souls
More than betwixt the magnets different poles
would not have you chose one very tall.
=. Like the mannast oi some great admiral
One very short would prove much amiss,
dIlbi if either would augment your bliss;
81 Its you'd require the first abroad to lead.
I lake your arm, the sesO.d stills would need.
Tue tall one would her Pigmy lord deride,
The short one would upbraid yOCr giant stride
The tail are Proud--the sh IT, more proud fear,
On uptOe walk--thelr noses high in air.
Avoid extremes the golden medium choose,
And wear with Oy tue matrimonial nooSe.
If for handsome face you chance to 81 gh,
graceful figure and sparkling eye,
Examine well the lovely object--MIND-
And il in THAT you equal beauty find
Run to the goldsmith and the ring procure.
Set tthe bells ringing and yOar BRIDE
BuIif deormy turks in her heart
Resign her charms! Take the rGrnished-pes
Nh' in his bosom, would tulip place,
EnsnOred Of It's mere external grace,
.. cbOse The moss-rose-nIOdest--blOom
Hilh lovelineHs and fragrance both repete.
some knOw edge in a woman you'll require.
Bat,Boi enough to " set the Thames on fire.
Ia Mathematics tin--Greck-Astronomy-
Mechanics or Political Economy
Youneed not ask her if she's quite proficient,
Aud might forgive her If sh" prove deficient;
sweet Companion many one might prove.
Although she cennOt name the stars above
Aud may CEN pound a h,re or beeGsieak pie,
Although perfect Ounce in chemistry;
Ataste for letters may become her well
knd make her Ct with nationals 10 well.
But if they're made the business Of her life
should n9i recOmnead her wife.
nervous, sentimental. whining lass,
j. such an as you may we'll let PAYS
A gust Of wind with agony would ill her.
To meet a strOlling mouse would surely kill her;
If present evils haunted not her mind,
Wraptn the future, she would others find
Her w0fuI lone would on ysur ear be falling
Like sad bell that's heard funerals tulling.
a wrangling Shrew, what mortal could bear,
IIer sOre how very terrible TO near.
Within a claeking mill 90 seek repose-
THere iou IN peace yOm eyes may SOMETIMES clOl
Go seek for quiet in the battlefield,
Zen war some respite from alarm might yield;
Go where the tempest gOaAs the believing main,
Peace 10 your soul even ihsre you might obtain;
But female thunAers ever--.ver rolling
L., Of all earthly things the most appalling.
No sUber man ipIing wife would take,
Beuer bring home attIesnnke
An honest, hapIess man once Aad the former
And ali his eEIrts could reform her
o., :She drank from .li night--hIs money ae W.
Disease assailed her-Dear the grave she drew.
Bu; all her cry was Brandy! Brandy - still.
Nor could her husband ~ Op her hesdIOng will,
50 freaaeni The demand at length he got
An anker Of it 10 ner bedside bnughI;
The serrlble contents she freely pied,
Iacessantly she drank. aud drinking died.
In fyIes Il you would lead happs life,
Ehuose ke a man eff your fuuFe wife.
salue well informed kind modest and polite,
Givod -humOred, irim in person not fright,
Well dressed. not haunting. not scandal prone,
Alert and useful, not a lazy droIie,
lJne vile ~ social chat can use her breath.
Butrel, with nonsense talk horse 10 death;
lIer hnd aud person carefully survey
Before you give your heart and handaway.
A single oyersIgbi your bliss may maj a
And make your union one perpetual hr, m
Seek NOT 40 ASGEl-none uhabit earth
Butseek a ysoman Of uBdoubed worth,
And when az length you win the golden prize
Return ihe poet thanks for his advice.