The Cedar County advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Iowa) 1853-1856, 1855-11-14
Collecting for Newspapers.

lately threw up his commission, and sen,
back the unpaid accounts with notes
which the spirits happened to lay hold
on, and they were presented in a tangl-
bic shape TO the world. As they are
living pictures met with here and else.
where, we make extracts. The colIec-
tor says
Editor 9th Herald of Truth. Sit
You furnished me, as you recollect, with
list OF one hundred and seventeen ow-
ing subscribers. have called upon one
hundred and four of them, and have the
honor OF paying over TO your order three
dollars and twelve and one-h half cents,
beng the amount to which you are en-
titIed.--l return you the list numbered
from one 10 one hundred and sixteen and
now give tie reply to each;
No. lis a minister. He says in the
first place he never got one-haf the num-
bsrs. Ga lie, according to the post-mas-
ter, )and the next place yoW lokers coll
umn was too scurvllous Besides, he
knows by the tone Of your editorial that
you drink. He wants nothing more to
do with you--never wants TO hear from
you again.
No. 2--Is in Jail Tor debt He has
not seen hall dollar for year. Says
he would pay with the utmost cheerful
ness, if he had any money, but had 10
borrow shirt to put on last Sunday.
Admlres your paper wonderfully, and
hopes you will continue sending it 10 him.
He wishes you to tahe bold stand in
favor Of the abolition OF imprisonment for
debt, as he thinks it would he very
popular move with gentlemen in his sit
uatlon. Sends his bes, respects.
No.3--ls a young doctor. Says
your paper is beneath the notice of a
gentleman. Wouldn't Civ for n
cart load. Says that you inserted an
| article rejecting upon the profession.
Only wishes he could catch you here
would make you smell is going
TO persuade everybody that takes your
paper 10 stop it. Cussed your bill, and
says you may get it the best way you
can.
No. lis an old maid. Says you are
always making fling at single ladies OF
an uncertain age. Wouldn't pay you il
she was rolling in wealth, and you hadn't
cash enough to buy crust of bread.
Sent all tne rapers she had back a
month ago, and says now as she has sent
them back, she don't owe you anything.
Says she is even with you,and intends
to keep SO Until the day OF Judgment
No. SIS "a gambler. Says he got
completely cleaned out last week at the
races. Couldn't accommodate his grand.
mother with a half dime, if she was star
vlng.--Likes your paper tolerabIy--
would like it better il you published more
races, aud would occasionally give af
account of cock fight. Hopes W.
wont think hard Of hlm for not paying
you now, but has a prospect OF soon hav
| Jug some loose change as he is after ;
rich young greenhorn, who arrived her'
last week. VIII pay your bill out o
the pluckngs.
No. 6-ls an old drunkatd. lIasn'
go, anything, and never expects TO have
Gathered uq all the papers he had ,an'
sold them for a half pint OF rum TO tn
groggery keeper, to wrap groceries IN.
No. Us a magistrate. Swore h
never owed yon cent, and told me
| was a low rascal for trying to swlnd
l him in such a barefaccd manner. Ad
vised me to make track In a little !es
than 10 tlme, or he would get out war
rant against me, as a common cheat, al
have me sent 10 prison. Is by all odd
the meanest man have secnyet Neve
will 60 near him again.
No. SIS a policeman. Sayo al
though you profess 10 publish nainra
paper it IS not so. Thinks he has sec
> considerable squirting towards the sid
> he is opposed 10.
The collector concludes with 'acceI
= my designations, aud strike me from lh
f ist of agents | have been called
. swindler. rascal, william, blood sucker .-
Y These are some OF the names they tmn
, proper to bestow upon me. ! tried fgh
: lng awhile, and tAfashed some o. you
. patrons like blazes, but occasionally
{ gol licked like thunder myself,
FIcHrING ON EauAL lERMs.-Jud2
e A a celebrated daellst, WHO had lost h
r leo. and who was known to be 6e5
: shot, CHALLENGED Col. d., gentleman
e great humor and attainments, The tnen'
tried to prevent the meeting, but lono c
feet. The ,arties met Oh the gfoun
i when Colonei d. was asked II he WI
ready.
No, he replied.
> What are you waiting for tnen9
= quired Judge As second.
: sWAy, sir said Col ID have Sc
= my boy INTO the woods to hunt tee g.
:, to put my leg in, Tor don't intend 10 g
!, the Judge an advantage over me.
: see he has a wooden Iego
! The whole party roared With Taught
y, ~ and the thing was SO ridiculous that
" 'e broke up the fight Col. ID. vas aft
'.e ward told that it would siuk his repu
ton.
u WELL he replied, it cant sink me low
T.. than bullet can
~ ~ But, urged his friends, the pap
a ,'n viii be filled about you.
'm.e m 'Well,' sad he, ! would rather fill f
+. = papers than one coffin.
"a, No one ever troubled the Colonel a
10. that.
Cry SCENE Enter Bridget, '
has Just answered the bell Please,
l, nd 1