Plymouth advertiser. [volume] (Plymouth, Ohio) 1853-1988, 1855-04-13
Selfrtrh Misrellanu
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW,
EY PATIENCE r:aEISs.

4 "a,
and reproduced in this country as an Eng
liSh affair. | married widower with
ten children. II you wish to know WHY.
ask my brother Tom, anil he will tell YOU.
So lnuch for my anieceden,s: now for
my 'Mother-;nLaw.'
] iiatter myself that I have common.
sense; even my brother Tom admits that
as general rule, though he cites cxcep-
tional circumstances. | do know enough
to retire into the house when it rains, or
to take an omnibus, or spread ali unbrel-
la. have seen children before to-day +:
if never any Of my own, actually my own,
all those of my visitors, (not few and
my husband S ten by q former connection /:
and do think that my husbands mother
might give me credit for some capacity.
Ii marrying a man with ten children is
any proof of imbeciIity, as some people
pretend, mother-in-law should, at any
rate, be the last to reproach me with it..
| do not know how good a medlar
among fruits may be, but | do know that
meddler in ones household affairs is in.
tolerable. | do not know precisely what
the first Mrs. Perkins died of, but if ever
a Coroner's Jury sits upon me, or if the
doctor makes true return to the superin-
tendent Of the health Office, | know the
verdict in the one case, or the report in
the other, will be-'An overdose of moth
er-in-law.' Mr.. Perkins, my dear lord
and master, is well. | don't think he
killed his first wife, but | do hope | shall
never be required to declare, upon oath,
what are my firm convictions upon the
subject. 1t might make a disturbance in
the family.
If the woman was born for plague,
she is fulfilling her mission. Such a
peaked face Such a heightened sourncss,
long drawn out Such a lean and hun.
cry look II she were anybody but my
husband mother | could appeal to him
for protection; but | cannot ask the man
to rise up in rebellion against his own
flesh and blood, the author of his being.
| wish she could be content with the orig
lnal production, and not imagine that he
needs her continual supervision, as an au-
thor SrpcrviSes new editions, AMI makes
alterations in every one
.ily welcome 10 the house was ,lamper.
Perkins before his marriage, never let me
see Lis mother. Nilowers are prompt
and artlal. Let them but breathe on
maiden with intent to capture, the prov
elb says, and the end is sure. The fasci-
nation OF Il serpent excrtel upon bird is
not more certain. / am half inclined to
accuse my husband Of duplicity-of OBJ
tanning wife mIer false pretenscs the
second offence, too, the monster \
man's children we expect to be plagued
with, ami perhaps the escape from early
nursing, Godfrey's cordial, Darby's car
minatiye, teething, and all that sort of
thing. Is quite an equivalent for any in
convenience which may grow out of be-
ing a mother at second hand, with a fam
lily capital all ready to commence married
lie upon. But why did not the creature
tell me he was to be taken with this other
and extra incumbrance? Why is not the
marriage service altered to meet such ca
hes, thus
L, r@,lenee, take thee Timothy (anl
thy mother,) to be my welded husband,
ana mothcrin law to have and to hold,
and the rest oft?
! am sure | have and hold more by two
thirds Of the mother than of the son. Oh,
poor NE!
My welcome, l said, was a damper.-
She kissed me heartily enough-too hear
tily-for she smelt horribly of snuff. She
tasted of it, indeed; il 1 could believe that
any woman put powdered tobacco in her
mouth, instead Of in the proper place
If tie nose is the prope, place-;ha is
that person. She turned me- round and
round, and looked me all over with the
most wonderful nonchalancc. She won
dcred whether my eyes were black Or dark
hazel, suggested caps as part of the toilet
of the mother often children, and d SIZED
to know my Christian name. as she intcn-
del to b,,ery kind an We y motherly.
Besides she said, | am Mrs. Perkins,
aud one Mrs. Perkins is enough in one
house. Perkins WINGED little at this,
for it was not the first time she has told
him so. When | answered that my name
was Patience, sh, said Patience =
Humph - You ale well named, for YOU
will have Il fine Time Of it. But la, dear,
we must lie cheerful, and begin with a c, D
Of tea. And such pleasant look she put
on to second her in>i alton Her face
was the hab.tual incarnation of lamenta-
tions, and when she attempts to smile, her
features are so unused to it that it seems
more like twist of pain than an anexprcssion
Of pleasure.
You will have time Of it sh, repeated
for my encouragement, as she placed me
at the table, behind wilderness of cups
and saucers, and other tea and toast para
! phernalia. There's no company tonight
Patience, just ourselves She watched
with hope of contretemps' as I proceeded
to tea AMI toast the little multitude, but
l survived it. have learned siuce that
with malice prepense, she trusted to disgust
and force me to surrender to her direction
The morning at breakfast she hoped to
reap the fruits of her manoeuvre. We'll
Patience, she said, will you sit at the
waiter, or shall l! with motion at that
coveted post-a dignity perhaps, but no
sinecure. Now or never, thought and
slipped into the seat, and to assert my pe-
rogative once for all.
We'll, then, Imust tell you,' says Mo