Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1855-10-17
OCTOBER II, 1855.
MR. sPARRoWGRAss
DEscENDs TO THE INTERNAL REGIONS IN
DUMB WAITER.

80 SAiNASSSs - ,
everything can be sent up from the kitch-
en- without any trouble, end if the baby
gets to be unbearable, on account of his
teeth, you can dismiss the complainant
by stuffing him in one of the shelves, and
letting him down upon the help ToprO-
vide for contingencies, we had all our
floors deafened. In consequence you
cannot hear anything that is going on in
the story below. and when you are in an
upper room Of the house, there might be
a Democratic ratification meeting in the
cellar and you would not know it.
Therefore, if any one should brake into
the basement it would not disturb us
but to please Mrs. Sparrowgrass, 1 put
stout iron bars in all the lower windows.
Besides, Mrs. Sparrowgrass bought a
rattle, such as watchmen carry there.
This is to alarm our neighbOr. who upon
the signal is come to the rescue with his
revolver. He is a rash man, prone 10
pull trigger first, and make inquiries af-
forwards.
One evening Mrs. S. had retired. and
l was busy writing, when it struck me a
glass of ice-water would be palatable.
So 1 took candle and the pitcher, and
went down TO the pump. Our pump is
in the kitchen. A country pump in the
kitchen is more convenient but a well
is most certainly picturesque. Unfortu-
nately, our we'll has not been sweet since
the well was cleaned out. First, l had
to open bolted door, that lets you into
the basement hall, and then l went to the
kitchen door, which proved to be locked.
Then l remembered that our girl always
carried the key to bed with her, and
slept with it under her pillow. Then
retraced my steps, bOlted the basement
door, and went up in the dining room.
As is always the case, l found, when /
could not get any water, l was thirstier
than 1 supposed was. Then thought
L would wake our girl up. Then 1 con-
cluded not to do it. Then thought Of
the well, but gave that up on account
of its flavor. Then l opened the closet
doors, there was no water there. The
novelty of the idea made me smile. /
took out two of the movable shelves,
placed the pitcher on the bottom Of the
dumb waiter, got in myself the lamp,
let myself down, until l supposed 1 was
within foot of the floor, below, and then
let go
We came down so suddenly, that 1 shot
out of the apparatus as if it had been a
catapult; it broke the pitcher, extinguish-
ed the lamp, and landed me in the mid
die of the kitchen, at midnight, with no
fire, and the air not much above zero
point. The truth is, | had not calcula-
ted the distance Of the deScent-instead
of falling one foot had fallen FIVE. Ny
first impulse was 10 ascend by the way 1
came down, but l found that impractic-
able. Then l tried the kitchen door
it was locked | tried to force it open !;
it was made of two inch stuff, and held
its own. Then l hoisted window, and
there were the rigid iron bars. If ever
l felt angry at anybody, it was at myself,
for putting up those bars to please Mrs.
Sparowgrass. 1 put them up not to
keep people in, but to keep people out.
l laid my cheek against the ice cold
barriers and looked out at the sky; not
a star was yisible-it was as black as ink
overhead. Then l thought of Baron
Trenck, and the Prisoner of Chillon.
Then l made a noise ! | shouted till l
was hoarse, and ruined our preserving
kettle with the poker. That brought our
dogs out in full bark, and between US we
made night hideous. Then thought 1
heard voice, and listened-it was Mrs.
Sparrowgrass calling to me at the top of
the staircase. | tried 10 make her hear
me, but the internal dogs unite with
howl, and growl, and bark, so as TO
drown my voice, which is naturally
plaintiye and tender. Besides, there
were two bolted doors and double deaf
ened floors between US how could she
my voice even il she did hear
i? Mrs. Sparrowgrass called once or
.wice, and then got frightened the next
hing heard a sound as if the roof had
ALLEN in, by which l understood that she
iad sprung the rattle That called out |
our neighbor, already wide awake; he
;ame to the rescue with bull terrier, |
Newfoundland pup, lantern and re-
Tolver The moment he saw me at the |
window he shot at me- l threw myself
lnder the kitchen table, and ventured to |
with him, but he would not
listen to reason. In the excitement 1
nad forgotten his name, and that made
matters worse. 1t was net till he had
,oused up everybody around. broken in
he basement door with an axe, got in
10 the kitchen with his cursed savage /
logs and shooting iron, and seized me by !
he collar, that he recognized me-and
hen he wanted ME to exp'ain it But