The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1855-12-01

And his bursting heart within hun
tttered such Il cry of anguish,
That the forest moaned and shuddered
That the very stars in heaven
Shook and trembed with his anguish.
Pun and wit.
There are ludicrous climaxes oftentlmes
in the oratory OF the pulpit-oftener in Pc
Htical speeehes-but oftenest perhaps in the
sublime attempts Of pettifoggers at the bar.
One of these latter, in a small town in Ken
lucky, pleading the cause of client who
had been accused Of stealing d small ouan-
tity of cotton yarn, argued against the prob
ability of such q transaction-the probabili-
ty, rather, OF there being any motive for
such an act, in the following forcible and
highly grammatical style
''Gentlemen of the Jury You have
heard the argument, and have listened pa
tiently, and have seen that your ears were
open to conviction. And now, Gentlemen
of the Jury, ask you, du you suppose that
in the plentiful State of Kentucky, where
land are plenty, and the sile am rich, that
my client broke Mr.. Bowding's store. and
stole three hanks Of cotton yarn? Gentle
men of the Jury, | imagine not, s'pose HE
didn't.
And the jury agreed with the eloquent
counsel, at least in part for after they had
made joint company of their wisdom,
they brought IN this verdict, influenced bv
some personal dislike:
''Not guilty, if he'll leave the State ~
The ''Iiard Shell Baptistso are we'll
known sect in the South and Southwest
They are not related, that we know of. TO
the Hard Shell Democrats in this State,
though their christen name is the same
4 hnt- all
and education societies; hate missions to the
heather, and all modern schemes for con-
vertlng the rest Of mankind. OF course
they are opposed to learning, and speak as
they are suddenly moved. A Georgia cor
respondent writes TO the Drawer, and relates
the following of one Of their preachers:
1.-TWO of them were in the same pulpit to-
gethsr. While one was preaching he hap
pened to say, when Abraham built the Ark ,
''The one behind him strove to correct his
blunder by saying out aloud, abraham
| ,oar,t't thar
'.But the speaker pushed on. needless of
! the interruption, and only took occasion
! shortly TO repeat, still more decidedly. Il say
when Abraham built the Ark
"'And say cried out the other, 'Abra-
! ham warn't thar
''The Hard Shell was too hard to be beat
en- down in this wav, and. addressing the
! people exclaimed with great indignation, Il
say Abraham was thar, or thar abouts'''
Too MucH CANDoR.-A clergyman the 9th
err day, while stopping at q Detroit hotel,
missed his umbrella from the stand, where
upon he helped himself to q similar one and
went on a walk up and down the streets At
ter noticing that the native seemed quite
pleased at his white cravat and umbrella, as
if they ought not to 90 together, he took a
look himself at the oatside of his borrowed
umbrella, and there he found painted in large
| white letters
8 stole this umbrella from j. c. Kings
ley.''
Our clerical friend took a look at the
clouds with look more in sorrow than an
GER and concluded that there wasn't rain
enough to make it worth while to spread an
umbrella, or not that one at all events.
+, CT When Mr.. Curran was in Trinity Col
lege, Dublin, he was summoned by the Board
of Senior fellows 1.-THE moral and literary
censors of the University and stood before
them in all that may be conceived laehrymose
IN feature, delivered in Hebrew and explained
in Greek, the accusation amounted in plain
English to this, that he "kept idle women in
his chambers and concluded according to
the form Of the statute and good morals
lie saw he had no way to escape but by the
exercise of his wit, and solemnly assured
them that the accusation was utterly withou,
foundation, rs he never in his life kept any
woman idle in his rooms.
The kissing stories, Of which we have Civ
en- several, seem to beget more. A gentle
man in Richmond Virginia, writes us that in
the beautiful village Of Lexington, in thu
valley of Virginia, young gent having de.
voted himself to the special entertainment,
of company of pretty girls for whole eve
nng, demanded payment, in kisses, when one
of them instantly replied
certainly, sir, present your bill -
An old fellow who became weary of life
thought he might as well commit suicide, but
he didn't wish to go without forgiving all his
1 enemies. So at the last moment he remoued
the DOSE from his neck, saying to himself
81 new er will or can forgive old Noah for let
ting the copper-head snakes get into the ark
They ha We killed two thousand dollars worth
of my cattle, and when he and Inject there'l
be a gener III FUSS
A pedl ar, calling on an old lady to dis
dose of SOME goods, inquired of her if she
could tell hi IN Of any road that no pedler hae
ever travelled "Yes," said she, 81 know Of
one, and only one, which no pedIar has cvel
travelled, 1.-THE pedler's countenance bright
ened, and that's the road to heaven"