Butte record., 1855-03-03

agara, you know-Niagara Falls-big
rocks. water. foam, Table Rock, Indian
cut losities, squaws, moccassins, stuffed
snakes, rapi Is, wolves, Clifton House,
suspension bridge, place where the water
runs swift, the ladies faint, scream and
get the paint washed off their faces
where the aristocratc Indian ladies sit
on the dirt and make little bags where
all the inhabitants swindIe strangers /;
where the cars 90 in hurry, the walters
are impudent, ard all the small boys
swear.
When | came in sight of the suspen-
sion bridge, L was vividly impressed
with the idea that it was "some" bridge {;
in fact, considerable curiosity, and ii
" considerable" brid ge Took a glass of
beer and walked up to the Falls another
glass of beer and walked under the FAILS :;
wanted another glass of beer, but couldn't
get it !; walked away from the Falls, wet
through, mad triumphant, victorious,
hunbug. humbug Sir, all humbug !!
except the d'bbleness of everything,
which is most certainty, and the Gu
pidity of every body, which is diaboli-
cal fact, and the Indians and niegers
everywhere, which is a satanic truth.
Another glass of beer-'twas forth
coming -iInmediately-also another, all
of which drank 1 then proceeded to
drink a glass of beer; went over to the
States, where | procured glass of beer
went up stairs, for which I paid sixpencc,
over to Goat Island, for hch | dis
bursed twenty-five cents hired guide,
to whom [ paid half dolIar-sneezed
four times, at nine cents Il sneeze-went
up on the tower for quarter of dol
lar, and looked at the Falls didn't feel
sublime any; tried to, but couldn't
took some beer, and tried again, but fail
,d-drank a glass Of beer and began to
feel better-th thought the waters were sent
for and were on a journey to the -;
thought the place below was one sea of
beer-was going to jump down and get
some guide held me sent him over to
the hotel to get glass of beer, while |
tried to write some poeiry-rcsulted as
follows:
Oh thou (spray in one eyc) awful,
(small lobster in one ahoe,) sub ime
(both feet wet) master piece Of Gimme
ny, what lic,) the Almighty terrible
and majestic art thou in thy tremendous
might-awful (orful) to behold, (cramp
in my right shoulder gigantic huge and
nice Oh, thou that tum5lcst down and
riseth up again in misty maj sty to
heaven-thou glorious parent parent of
Il thousand rainbows-what huge,
grand, awful, terrible, tremendous, inf
mite, old swindling humbug you are
what are you doing there, you rapids,
you-you know you've. tumbled over
them and can't get up again to save
your puny existence you make great
fuss, don't you.
Man came back with the beer, drank
ii to the last crop, and wished there had
been a gallon walked out on
rock to the edge of the fall, woman on
the shore very much frightened-I told
her not to get excited if | fell over, as |
would step right up again-it would
not be much of fall anyhow-eot a
glass of beer of man, another of a
woman, and another of two small boys
with pail--ffteen minutes elapsed,
when | purchased some more of an In
dian woman, and imbibed it through
straw; it wasn't good-had to get a
glass of beer to take the taste out of my
mouth legs began to tangle NJ, effects
Of the spray in my eyes, got hungry and
wanted something to eat-went into an
eating-house, called for plate of beans.
when the plate brought the waiter in his
hand. l took it, hung up my beef and
beans on nail, eat my hat, paid dollar
to niger, and sided out on the step
walk, boughta boy of glass of dog with
a small beer and neck on his tail, with
a collar with spot on the end--felt fun
ny, sick-got some soda-water in tin
cup, drank the cup and placed the soda
on the counter, and paid for the money