Daily American organ. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1856, 1855-06-16
"The Happiest Day of MY Life y,

The ancients certainly made great mistake in
not choosing Nobe for the Goddess of Marriage
Hymen is by far too jolly he is all smiles-more OF
the hyena than the crocodile; whilst Niobe is JUS,
ms she ought to be--all tears There never yet
was n marriage that was not perfect ST. Swithin
affair. No one--unless he has the soul of gutta
percha, thoroughly water-proof-shoud think OF
going to wedding with less than two pocket hand.
kcrchiefs and, even then, sponge is better
adapted to the Joyful OCCASION" Men take
wives, they do pills, with plenty of water, ex-
ccpting indeed, when the little things" are well
gilt. If kind of matrimonial barometer were kept
in each family aud its daily indications as to the
state of the weather at the reside accurately regis
tered, we have no doubt that on the average being
taken, the following result would be arrived at:
Before Marriage Fair.
During Marriage Wet
After Marriage Stormy.
Mcteorologically speaking, it would be highly
interesting could we arrive ut knowledge of the
exact amount OF "doo" prevailing during court.
ship. Nobody can feel more truly wretched than
on the happiest day Of his life. A wedding is even
lnorc melancholy than funeral. The bride weeps
for everything and nothing. At first she's heart
broken because she's about to leave her Ma and
Pa then because she hopes and trusts George
win always love her; and, when no other excuse
il left she bursts. into tears because she is afraid
h. will not bring the ring with him. Mamma, too,
dear, dear girl is going away, and she is certain
something dreadful is about to happen.
At church the water is laid on ut eye-service;
indeed, the whole party look 80 wretched, no one
would imagine that there was n :" happy pair"
among them. When Papa gives away his darling
child, he does il with many sobs as though he
were handing her over to the fercest polygamist
since Henry VIII, instead of bestowing her on one
who loves his lamb" regardless of the mint
sauce that accompanies her. The bridegroom
suivels, either because crying is catching, or be.
cause he thinks he ought for decencys sake, to
appear deeply moved; and the halfdozen brides
maids sure to be all weeping, because every
body else weeps.
When the party returned home, however, the
oughts of the breakfast cheer them up a little
and the bridesmaids, in particular, feel quite re.
signed 10 their fate. As if they had grown hungry
10y crying or the tears had whetted their appetite
they drown their cares for a while in the white
cup turecn. Then the father gets
W, and, after a short and pathetic eulogium upon
the virtues Of that sweet girl" whom he cloves
rs his own flesh and blood, thumps the table, and
t;lls the company that "any one who would not
cat her properly would be scoundrei." Upon
this, every one present turns round to look, and
frown ut the wretched villain of bridegroom, and
then they all fall to weeping again. But so strong
lc has the feeling set in against the new son-in-
Law, that 1t Is only by a speech Of the deepest
pthos that he can persuade the company thathe has
notthe least thought ofmurdering orindeedeven as
saulting his wife, At last the mother, bride, and
bridesmaids retire to say "Good-by," and have a
good cry all together up stairs. Then the blessing
and the weeping begin again with renewed vigor.
Toe bridesmaids cry till their noses are quite red and
'er hair is as straight as If they had been ba-
thing. And when the time comes for the "happy
pair" TO leave in order 10 catch the train then the
mother, father, sisters, brothers, BRIDE bridegroom
b bridesmaids and every soul in the house, all cry
even down to the old cook, "who knowed her
ever since she were babby in long clothes"-as if
10 young couple were about being transported
f,r fo" in the literal rather than the fgurativc
sense Of the term Bachelor