Butte record. (Bidwell, Butte County, Cal.) 1853-1858, 1855-03-24
XIII. H.-DOESTICkS INVENTS A PATENT
MEDICINE
New YORK, Nov. 6, 1854,
7 000l, Narrow street.

L am lmmortalzed, and I've done it my
self. have gone into the patent medi-
cine business. My name will be handed
down to posterity as that of universal
beneiactor The hand which hereafter
writes upon the record of Fame, the
names OK Aver, Sands, Townsend, Mof-
fat, Morrison, and Brandreth, must also
inscribe, side by side with these distin-
guished appellations, the no less brilliant
c1gnomen of the undying Doesticks.-
Emulous Of the deathly notoriety which
has been acquired by the medical wor-
thies just mentioned, I also resolved to
achieve name and a fortune in the
same reputable and honest manner
Bought gallon of tar, cake of bees
wax, and frkin Of lard, and in twenty
one hours | presented to the word the
first batch of " Doesticks' Patent, Self
Aettng, F0ur-Ho Sc Potccr Balsam,"
designed to cure all diseases Of mind,
body, or estate, 10 give strength to the
weak, money to the poor. bread and but
ter to the hungry, boots to the barefoot,
dcccnoy TO blackguards, and common
sense TO the Know-Nothings. 1t acts
physically, morally, mentally, psycologi-
cally, physiologically, and geologicalIy,
and it is intended to make our sublunary
sphere a blissful paradise, to which
Heaven itself shall be but side show
have not yet brought it to absolute
perfection, but even now it acts with
immense force. as you will perceive by
the accompanying tcstim onials and rec
ords of my individual experience. You
will observe that ! have not resorted to
the usual manner Of preparing certif
Gates: which Is, to be certain lhat all
those intended for Eastern circulation
shall seem to come from some formerly
unheard-of place in the West. while
those sent to the West shall be dated at
some place forty miles of sunset. But
L send to yoW. as representing the vest
ern country, a certificate from an Oregon
farmer:
"DEAR SIR The land composing
my farm has hitherto been so poor that
a Scotchman couldn't get his living off
it; and so stony that We had to slice our
potatoes and plant them edgeways; but,
hearing of your balsam, | put some on
the corner of ten-acre lot, surrounded
by rail-fence, and in the morning l
found the rocks had entirely disappear
ed-a neat stone wall encircled the field,
and tie rails were split into ovenwood
and piled up symmetrically in my back
yard. Put half an ounce into the mid
die Of huckleberry swamp-in two days
it was cleared off, planted with corn and
pumpkins, and had row Of peach trees
in full bloom through the middle. As
an evidence Of its tremendous strength.
| would state that it drew a striking
likeness Of my eldest daughter, drew my
yougest boy oua of the mill-pond, drew
blister all over bis stomach, drew a
load Of potatoes four miles to market,
and eventually drew a prize of ninety
seven dollars in the State Lottery. And
the effect upon the inhabitants here
about has been so wonderful, that they
have opened their eyes to the good of
the country, and are determined to vote
for Governor who is opposed to frosts
in the middle of June, and who will
make a positive law against freshets. hail
storms. and the seVentsen-year locusts !"
There, isn't that SOME But give
one more from member of the senior
class in western College, who, al
though misguided, neglected and igno-
rant, is, undoubtedly, as honest and sin
ccre as his Prussianized education will
admit of | have corrected the orthcg-
raphy, and revised some grammatical In
aocuracies but. besides attending to
these trihes, inserting marks of punctu-
alton, and putting the capitals in the
right places, assure you have made
no alteration.
SAIL HARBoR, June 81, 1854.
Ny DEAR SIK:-( You know attend
ed medical lectures half winter, and
once assisted III getting crooked needle
out of a baby's leg; so | understand
perfectly well the theory and practice
of medicine, and the Doctor is perfectly
legitimate under the Prussian system
By the incessant study required in this
establishment, had become worn down
SO thin that ! was obliged to put on an