The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1855-09-13
The Happiest Man Out of Jail.

A runaway couple, 'true lovers of the
most fervent Yankee stamp, arrived at a
small inn near Boston, and wanted the
landlord to send for minister to splice
'em,' and to be quick about it,
! The landlord complied, and the 'licen-
sed minister came.
BE you the minister asked the bride
groom.
l am replied he.
Oh! you be, eh! What's your name!
Stiggins.
Wal, meow, Stiggins, said the Yankee,
du it up Drawn, and your money is ready;
and forthwith the reverend gentleman
commenced
You will please to join hands.
The Yankee stood up by his lady-love,
and seized her feryently by the hand.
You promise, Mr.. A., said the par
son, to take this woman
Yeas, said the bridegroom.
To be your lawful and welded wife?
Yeas Yeas!
That you will love and honor her in all
things?
Sart'in Yeas, I tell yer!
That you will cling to her, and her on
ly, as long as both shall live?
Yeas, andeed-nothin' else! continued
the Yankee, in the most delighted and
earnest manner.
But here the reverend clergyman halt
ed, much to the surprise of all present,
and to the special annoyance and discom-
fort of the ardent bridegroom.
One moment, my friend, responded the
minister, slowly; for it occurred to him
that the laws of his State did not permit
this performance without the punishment
of the bans for certain length of time.
What-what-What in thunder's the
matter?
Don't stop here! Put her thru -
What's splitparson? Anything gin out!
Just at this moment, my friend, have
remembered that you cannot be marred
in Massachusetts, as the law
Can't! Wot in naturs' the reason? |
like her-she likes me; what's to hinder?
You have not been published, Sir, I
suspect
That's fact; amt a'goin' to be, nuth-
er; that's the reason why we crossed over
into your little RhOdy, (the scene was on
the border of Rhode Island on the sly,
you see, parson.
I-really-Sir-said the minister.
R-a-e-lly! wal, never mind; 60 ahead.
'Taint fair-dont you see faint! You've
married me and haint fetched her! Now
don't stop here! 'Taint the fair thing;
by gracious faint, now, and you know it.
l will consult-'said the minister hesi-
tatingly.
No you won't-no you don't! You
don't consult nothin' nor nobody, until
this ere business is concluded! And with
this he turned the key, and put it (amid
the titterings of the witnesses whom the
landlord had called in) in his pocket.
Selling the hand of his trembling bride,
he said:
Go on now, straight from where you
left off; put us through and no lodging.
1t i'll be all right, if it amt right, we'll
make it right in the morning, as the say
ing is.
After rejecting moment, the parson
concluded to run the risk of the informal
ity, so he continued
You promise, madam to take this man
to be your lawful husband!
Yeas, said the Yankee, as the lady
bowed.
That you will honor, love and obey
himl
Them's 'em, said Jonathan, as the lady
bowed again.
And that you will cling to him SO long
as you both live.
That's the talk! stick to one another
allers,-and the lady said, yes again.
Then, in the presence of these witnesses,
[ pronounce you man and wife.
Hoorah shouted Jonathan, leaping
half way to the ceiling with joy.
And what God has joined together, let
no man put asunder.
Hoorah! continued Jonathan. What's
the price! (the parson seemed to hesitate.)
How much! spit it out! Don't be afraid.
You did it like book. Here's "
Never mind the change. Send for hack
landlord Give US your bill. I've got
her! Hail Columby!
The poor fellow seemed to be entirely
unable to control his joy; and ten minutes
"a - h