Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1855-03-24
NO.. l8

IL ". II.
J20& AID UT.
To cure the bolts in horsc-Shoot
him.
TO raise Corn-Wcor tight boots.
How to catch caseIs--Run after
them.
Union is not strength, as the old to.
per said when he put water in his bran.
dy.
Cheap WAY Of ialtcniug hogs--Turn
them in your ncighbor's corndeld every
night.
To get the most work out of your
hands--kecp them out of your pockets.
Why is the beauty Of the prize piano
like Charles Dickens Because II lies
in lis Votes.
Keep your children out Of the orchard
while the buds are bursting, they might
be hurt.
MAKE A NorE OF Ir.--Remembor that
the Human Constitution is one that can
not be amended by two-thwds vote !
How to raisc Geese.--Scnd your daugh-
tcrs 10 a fashionable boarding school. II
kept at home, they will turn out ducks or
little stupids.'
"Nca has run away with your wife,
said one friend to another. "Poor fellow,
ply hin,' was the reply.
III, is true in the literal sense, that ali
the wisdom Of the world is folly in the
sight ol Ilraven,is it worth mans whic
10 live to scvcnty.-G GJClht.
Il wonder what makes my eyes so
weak - SAID Ioafcr to gentleman.
I"Why, because they are in weak
place." returned the latter.
The man that was kicked by saw
horse, last week was obliged to submit 10
amputa'jon. His rowscrs legs were IA
ken oil just above his boots.
They have got to growing chickens so
large IN Massachusetts, that farmers have
10 sell them by the quarter, like pork.
These are chickens to crow over.
There is an Old Maid in this own,who
is SO exactly nice in her notions of female
modcsly, that she turned oil her washer
woman because she put her clothes in the
same tub with those of a Young man.
The man who was lately "struck with
new thought" has concluded to over
look the act, il being the first time, and
there is Ilhe danger Of a repetition Of tho
offence.
The USES OF ADvERslTy.-MGna arc
frequently like tea--lhc real strength and
goodness is not drawn ont of them until
they have been for some time in hot wa
ter.
A Coon IDEA.-A sentimental chap in
tends 10 petition Congress for an act 70
improve the channels of affection, so that
hencelotth the course Of true love NAV
run smooth.
part Of the mountain OF sorrow which
an iuebriale had heaped upon his own
head, lately slid off and broke down the
bridge OF his nose.
"IIow are you, Smith ? said Jones,
Smith prelcnds not 10 know him, and re-
plies hesilalingy--"Sir, you have got the
advantage OF me. "Yes," relous Jones,
Il suppose every body has that's 20,
commonse sense. Smith looks unhappy.
There is a man IN Grant county Ken
lucky, who is 50 very misery lhat when
hc sends hts negro servant into the cellar
ior apples, he makes him whistle aH tho
way down to the apple box and back to
prevent him from eating Of the lmn.
Never make known your faults to
hose who are desIrous of discovering
,hem. You might as well carry hsg ol
truce into nest Of wild cats
IN exchange paper under the head Of
Good ADVICE ADVISES young men TO
wrap themselves up in their own virtue.
Many of them would have frozr to death
this winter wI,h no warmer covering.
The papers have discovered some grass
from rne path Of rccIltude." We fear
that path must be sadly overgrown wuh
9rass-ll i 50 IiHie Travelled now a days.