Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1855-07-20

there was, in his day, an old maid, a Miss
Lumpus, who had the most remarkable long
chm that ever was seen and n tongue longer
than that and she made bad work with it,
and used to wag it right and left, agin all
her neighbors. Everybody was afeerd on
her. She had mortal hatred to DR.. PEN
nyroyal, because he spoke about her havin'
scrofy. She used to say all mann,r O.
things agin him. lie got riled at last, and
vowed if she died in his time, he'd have her
menotomy. Well, she died but whether
the doctor kept his work or not, nobody
could tell. Sartin it was, about u fortnight
arter she was berrid there was hung up in the
doctors room bran new menotomy, with
the longest and peekedest chin that ever was
seen. Father said he and another saxton got
the key and went into the Lumpus tomb,
from curiosity. There was the coffin all cor
rect and father said the story was all non
sense, and was a coming out but t'other
saxton onscrewed the lid, and father and he
both looked in, and Miss Lumpus wasn't
there no how.
III you meant to refer to me when you
AK about the silver plates, can only say,
we always take EN- as parkysitts but |
never touched any of them things till there
was crush, in the corse 0 natur', and reg
ulur ruch.
Yours to sarve,
ELKANAH SPADE"
Such was this extraordinary letter. Spade
had of late been rather insolent in his beba
vior, and free in his remarks Several bene-
VIOLENT young ladies of my parish had asso-
ciated for the purpose of presenting me a
testimonial of their respect on Now Years
Day. They had taken the trouble to or
ganize and had even appointed a president,
yice-president, and secretary. | acquired
40 C.r fr.,, ID
to whom it was communicated by Miss Tib-
bits, who heard it in confidence from Miss
Merrigoold, the secretary. They had five
meetings, at which no speaker was allowed
NOR" than fifteen minutes. There was CON
siderable diversity Of opinion as to the ar
ticle to he selected. \ pair Of handsome
black small-clOthes was suggested which,
cannot deny would have been very acceptable
This was rejected, because, as Miss Mooney,
who teaches metaphysics in the young ladies'
academy. observed, n necessary intrinsic
quality, in every memorial, is permanency
the mind peremptorily demands the presence
OF that specific quality, and breeches will
wear out Miss Sparkle the daughter of my
friend the jeweller, proposed diamond pin,
which would last forever. This was almost
unanimously rejected, as uncanonca and
improper whereupon, as | heard with the
deepest regret Miss Sparkle left the meeting
in tears. Miss Picket remarked that she had
often thought our sitting-room needed q mir
ror. Upon this, Miss Mizzle, Miss Frizzle.
ana MISS Iwlzzle, rose at the same instant to
address the chair. The president decided
that Miss Twizzle had right to the floor.
Miss Mizzle appealed from the decision The
ayes and noes were called for, and the deci-
sion of the president confirmed. Miss Twizzle
then addressed the meeting, in most i'm
pressive and eloquent speech, against the
pomps and vanities OF this wicked world, and
was particularly severe upon the flesh and the
devil. She was in the midst of beautiful
apostropho to Cato, who framed sumptuury
laws, when tho presidents fan went down
upon the table, intimating that the fifteen
minutes had expired. 1t was moved and se-
conded, that the time be extended two
minutes. Upon this debate ensued, which
occupied more than half an hour but the
motion prevailed, and Miss Twizzle proceeded
Miss Merrigoold told Bertha she never heard
anything so truly eloquent. Miss Twizzle
remarked, The holy volume is the only
suitable mirror for the man of God = and
after n scorching anathema against looking
exclaimed, W hat if he beholdeth his natural
face in a glass He goeth his way, and
stratway forgetteth what manner of a man
he was The introduction of the text was
most singularly happy.
Things seemed to be at stand, when it
was announced, that Miss Spooney and Miss
Toodle We're below, as Il committee from the
Female Auxiliary Society, who were in ses-
sion at the same time, and for the same pur-
pose, at Cooley's Corner 1t was voted, una
nimously, that Miss SpoOney and Miss 'roodle
be introduced, and invited to take seats IN
the assembly, They were accordingly intro
duced. Miss Spooney was conducted to her
seat by Miss Twizzle, and Miss Ioodle to hers
by Miss Picket.
Miss Spooney, on behalf of the Female
Auxiliary Society, announced that three ele-
CANT spittoons had been recently imported by
Capt Lundy, which could be purchased at Il
very reasonable rate; that 1t had occurred
to tine Female Auxiliary, that one of these
spittoons for the parlor Of the rector, one for
the study, and one for the pulpit, might be
deemed an appropriate and useful memorial
| The suggestion was applauded by the whole
body. 4 Amotion was made, that committee
Of five be appointed by the chair, to make tn,
purchase An amendment was offered by
| Miss Mooney, that the committee consist d
three, that being the precise number of the
spittoons. The amendment was accepted by
the mover. The vote was then taken ON tn,
main question, and it passed unanimously
|
Auxiliary for the very commendabe zeal an(
promptitude which they had manifested upor
this interesting occasion. A vote of thanks wa
passed to Miss Spooney and Miss Toodle, anc
for the prompt and efficient manner in whicl
they had conveyed the information from
Cooley Corner, A motion was made that tn
thanks of the assembly be presented to Capt
Lundy, for importing the spittoons but thi
motion, after a long discussion, was mega
tived Miss Spooney, Miss Toodle, and Mis-
Picket, were appointed by the chair to max
the purchase. Miss Twizzle was appointe
by the chair to make an address to be de
llvered on the presentation of the spittoons
and the meeting was adjourned to the sam
place at nine clock on New Years morning
Everything went on very pleasantly, unit
Just before New Year, The spittoons wer
purchased the address was prepared wher
in the most sudden and unaccountable mar
ner, the whole thing was given up. Captai
Lundy, upon the request of the young ladies
took back the spittoons and there was an en-
oft
(I'o be COnhnued)