The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1855-06-05
From the Philadelphia Saturday Evening Post.
GOING WEST.

GDilOh VI Oois-Au yOut pa
per of March IL, are some inquiries about the
West made by men in the East which shall
take the liberty of transcribing, and replying
to in my own way. The article, 1t appears
was copied from the New York Tribune, but
as first noticed 1t in your paper, send you
tho reply.
To my personal knowledge, the West has
been flooded with just such queries for the last
twenty years, until we arc heartily tired OF
them. We know by experience that if we toll
tho truth in the matter about tho agricultural
facilities of the West, not ono in ten thousand
of all those who live in the East, and have new
or been fifty miles from home, will believe it;
Of course il is matter of Indifference to many
what they believe.
The first question comes from Cambridge
port, Massachusetts,, and reads as follows
(which is the best time for going West, the
Spring or Autumn"
The best time for going West, is when you
have the most money about you, and the least
fear of losing it. Ifyou come in the Spring,
you are sure to shake yourself to death with
| the ague before Fall. Ifyou come in the Fall,
you may live until Spring, If you don't freeze
to death before you get here. If you come at
all, you had better get your stomach lined with
water proof cement, so as to be able to digest
corn bread, bacon, and whiskey, for this is all
wo have to eat, except a few French frogs, and
bilious-looking tadpoles, which we catch when
the river runs down.
Second question:-"What part of the West
is the best to omigrate to, taking into conside-
ration the healthiness of tho climateT
A variety of opinions about that, my dear
fellow. Our Senator. Mr.. Douglas, says Ne
braska is the best. So it is, If you want to go
into the stock business, raising an unruly kind
of mixed-colored cattle, that will stray off to
Canada. in spite of the Compromise of 1850, lS-
20, or Senator Douglas. Or If you want to
speculate in papooses, white scalps,and get your
own scalp taken off scientifically, 60 to Nebras-
ka by ali means. If you want to play poker
for living, and set up whiskey drinking for a
business, live on corn bread and bacon week
days, and slippery elm bark and tadpoles Sun
days, come to Illinois. IF you want to 60 where
they don't have no Sundays, nor nothing to eat,
only what they brought from the East, 60 to
Iowa; or if you want to go to grass, to 60 on
fours, and do as other kinds of cattle do, go to
Salt Lake.
Third question;-"Does the fever and agus
prevail much in Wisconsin,
Of course it does. Nobody out West is fool
enough to ask such question. Everybody
shakes, even the trees shake; yon can't coax
crab apple stuy on until it is good for anything
it will shake off. II will shake q man off the
bed, and kick him out of doors, and shake the
bodstead at him, till he gives it up
Fourth question;-"How long does pre-
emption hold good:'
That depends on circumstances. If you have
a good rife, and know how TO use it, you have
one chance in ten that you may live until you
and are good Slot ana quick Sn
my word for it you had better tarry in Jericho
until your beard be grown, they arc all too
smart for you up in that neck of woods.
Fifth question;-"Is land to be had in tho
North West part of Ohio for 1925 per acre,
and is it goed!"
That's all fudge, got up by spectators to
gull some green horn like you or mo. for to tho
best Of my knowledge and belief, Ohio was
worn out ten years ago. The whole business
of tho railroads in warm weather, is TO carry
back persons who havo been fools enough to
come West. AL the railroads arc doirg this
winter, is carrying dirt into Ohio out of Mich-
gan to raise a few beans and oats. to keep the
folks from starving to death next summer.
As to the land in the N. w. of Ohio, it is
eighteen inches under water most of the year
and will probably bo worth $l ,25 per acre when
water snakes and copper-heads bring as much
per barrel in New York markets as potatoes
are worth per bushel in Alton.
And lastly, he wants reliable information, to n
short article in your paper relating TO the sub
ect, and no wants to go to healthy locality,
decent land, and fair water.
Exactly! why, my dear sir, there is no such
thing as reliable Information out West, unless
you pay we'll for It. A lawyer won't tell the
truth unless you give him 500 dollars, and then
you cant believe half he says.
A witness won't tell the truth in court unless
you first scare him half to death, and make him
swear he won't lie, and then neither himself
nor anybody else knows whether he tells the
truth or not The preachers all call us an in
veterate set Of sinners, but from what l have
written YOU, you must know we are a pretty
good sort of Christian people.
If you ask miss of stout, blooming sixteen
for kiss, she pettishly says no, when every
body knows she means yes of course.
On the whole, if you feel obliged by our short
article so do ]. Ifyou want to 60 to healthy
land, stay at homo. and not be fool, like my.
self and come out West. And as for decent
land-why. my dear fellow, what do you mean,
You must know that all our wild prairie is very
indecent, especially when il is burnt over, and
left as naked as it was born. 'Tis true nature
weaves sort of fig leaf apron every summer,
out of coarse kind of grass, but il soon gets
burnt off, and is as indecent as ever
As for fair water, we have mono, 1t is all
bilious compound of liquid mud, dead buffalo
fish and rotten rattlo-snakes.
Our common drink, when we can't get whis-
key, is one third coffee, onethird prairie mud,
and tobacco juice.
Upon the whole. if you have good wator, and
can get half enough to eat stay whore you are.
Jacksonville, Illinois, March 10,lS55.
p. S.--Jacksonville was formerly. in Wiscon-
sin, but big freshet foatod most of the houses
down twenty miles South of the Illinois River,
and stuck them on high and dry ridge. We
expect the next high rise ia the river will take
US down into old Kaintuck, when, if you want
to know anything more about fever and ague,
the Nebraska bill, or pre- emption rights. or
Woman's Rights, send letter to the Saturday
Evening Post, and we shall be sure TO get il, If
we are this side of sun down.
Yours, truly,
PETER PILLMAKER.
COMMENCED PRocEEpINes. MIR. Park one of
the proprietors Of the Parkyile Luminary the