The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1855-10-26
FOR THE INDEPENDENT PRESS.
Madam Experience's Court.


associate ,Iudyes-Champions TEMPER
ANcE and ABSTINENCE.
Prosecutor for The Court-TEMrEnAxc
COOP COMPANY, and Mrs. DAINrINEss.
DEFENDANTS Lowycrs-Mr. PRUDENCE and
| Mr.. MODERATION.
; PrisoncrS--Liquor Dealers and Retailers,
Mr.. DISNER. Mrs. SUFFER-, Mrs. Hor-
surrE, Mr.. Public BANQUET.
SCENE in n nancless village.
Mr.. TEMPERANCE, with great flourish
OF trunpcts and banner unfurled, and the
prisoners one and all standing in the box.
Madam EXPERIENCE asks the prisoners
if they had provided themselves, with any
! lawyers to defend their cause.
Mr.. DISNER got up in IL great hustle and
remarked that there was no want of them
when they weic put in presence of good
substantial dinner, and they could be even
smart and witty then; but now that they
were placed to face their LIQUORS Apsr1xEcE
and TEMPERANCE, they all sneak behind the
door. But, there, see IL staunch friend
OF mine, looking very happy to ten
ders his services. If he does, shan't for
get him. They saw good-Iooling, we'll
fed' chrerful-looking lawyer, winking and
no'lling his head, as mucl, as to say Here
am |, ready TO serve YOU, as you have been
SO very devoted to me- This WAS Mr.. prr.
DEHcE. At the same moment a rather old
cr lawyer, Mr.. MoDERArIox, with ewes rs
weasel, with curled upper lip, stood up,
made also nod Of appreciation, aud said
he would chccrFuily join his learned friend
III the defence OF those great principles lie
then pushed back his scanty sandy hair from
his forehead and sat down. There WAS an
exchange OF documents, a ihumbinc over
OF law books, and then dead pause.
Here Mr.. TEMPERANCE made profound
bow to the Judges. May it please your
honors, and not gentlemen Of the Jury
am too happy such case is not of,he com
potency OF that vulg5 class, the people. out
OF which is raised cvcry kind OF packed
luries and bout-licking juries-yca, Malam,
boot licking jurics, if they thought the
blacking OF your pretty shoes had been di
lutcd with alcohol. come hcforc Your
most gracious l.alyship, though you are :,s
old as the Rocky Mountains, still as youth
tul and rs beautiful as Aurora sprincinr
from the horizon, with her rosy fingers seat
tcrng The flowers OF science before vou.-
Ever wise, tlongh SO young never failing
tor most gracious madam: Elperientiu
docit."
"Plcase, learned and poetical sir, to pro-
coed to your subject" exclaimed the grave
Dame.
"Tllcn, most learned Dame VIC do not
c0ne here INTO this venerable and time. hon
ore'l temple of Themes with empty hands;
there stands in orr midst few of our wit
and IIIppocRATEs, Av-
EEEoEs and GALES and CELSIUS, Madam
MANIA a 1'oiU, and her dead sisters, Mad
am GouT and Madam APoPLEXY, without
reckoning the Lady MORALITY Weshoud
like to have the advantage, noble Lady, of
your experience; but for waut of it, we
shall call upon one of the honorable Judges
upon the hcnch, who we know will 20
strongly for our legal rights-lIle total pro-
hibition of the drinking Of alcohol and cv-
crything that contains it.
But let us divide our subject under the
proper heads.
First: Is alcohol necessary to man! We
answer, unhesitatingly. most assuredIy not.
Man, in the garden OF Eden, did not drink
anything but water; to he sure good old
fool Moan got drunk, because he celebrated
by too frequent lbations his safe landing
from the Ark. Like good hearted Irish
man, when he drank to the health of a
friend, he got drunk on the strength of the
sincerity OF his friendship; and the ancient
lielvctians never believed in your friend
ship unless you got drunk with them. And
there are the Danes and all the Germans
who are perfect sots.2. Let these learned
physicians be put on the stand and sworn,
and our cause will be won, and these prison
ers be sent to solitary confinement for life.
But before the witnesses are introduced, let
me ask, with your Ladyship's permission,
what business has Mr.. DINNER and Mrs.
SUPPER to give to idle folks late hot suppers,
and then banquets, fruitful political occa-
sion just to afford an opportunity to polili-
clans to make speeches to Bunkum, TO ac-
quire political capital and reputation, and
that, Madam, by breaking through all. the
rules Of temperate deceney. Public bun
quets and dinners and barbecucs arssso ma
NY traps for catching poor fools, their votes,
and get them drunk for their thanks, 20
home and brutalize their families, and their.
poor heart broken wives. These. candidates.
fof Legislatures ought tc be candidates sff sffors4 q
tPenitentiaries. They are the worst sort of
lvermintllat corrupt public ,norality. Yes