Butte record. (Bidwell, Butte County, Cal.) 1853-1858, 1855-03-31

didate, imploring his blessing on the next
Governo, (if the world should stand,
insinuated that he expected the nominal
ton himself, and concluded by advising
Him to exclude from heaven all foreign
ers, or they would refuse to live up to
the regulations, and would certainly kick
up another row among the celestiaIs.
Downtown man Oh hand, ready to go
up; tried to pray, but, from want of
practice, could only utter some disjoint-
ed sentences about " uncurrent funds"
"money market" " Erie down to 36 :"
(Damphool whispered that if that man
ever got heaven be would melt down the
golden harp into ooin and let it out at
two per cent month !; began to rain
harder wind decidedly chilly; their
teeth chartered with cold, and they be-
gan to wish for the confagration to COM
mence naughty boys on the fence be-
gan to throw stones promiscuous pray
ing on every side !; Methodist man stop.
ped in the midst of a long touching sup
plication, TO cuff the ears of little boy
WHO hit him with brick, hours slipped
away began to think the entertainment
was "postponed on account Of the
weather )" noon came folks were not
half so scared as they were in the morn
ing, ministers had got too hoarse to talk,
and were passing the time kissing the
sisters; Damphool looked SO chilly that
l got him glass of hot whisky punch !;
be looked at me with holy horror, and
went On his with his prayer, but, before
he got to "Amen," the punch had dis
appeared husband of a red-haired wo-
man came and ordered her to 60 home
and wash the breakfast-d dishes, and then
mend his Sunday pantaloons l o'clock,
zeal began to cool off at 2 the enthusi
asm was below par at the rain poured
so that | thought an alteration in the
Litany would be necessary to make ii
read, " Have mercy upon US, miserable
Swimmers" Small boy threw handful
Of gravel at long Methodist man, which
hit him in the face, and made him look
like mulatto with the smallpox. Long
Methodist man punched small boy with
a fence rail. Four o'clock; Gabriel
hadn't come yet. Damphool, much dis
appointed, muttered something about
being sold )" people evidently gett NJ
hungry. no kaves or fishes ou the
ground woman with two children said
she was going home to put them in a
trundl5- bed long man looked round to
see that no one was looking, then tucked
his roe under his arm, got over the
fence, and started for home on a dog
trot. Dark, no signs of fireworks yet,
pyrotechnic exhibition not likely to COM
mence for some time. Crowd impatient
Il here missed Damphool, and found
him IN hour afterward paving his devo-
tions an eighteen-penny oyster-stew and
a mug Of ale. Slaid an hour longer,
when the crowd began to disperss, with
their ascension robes so sadly dragglr d
that if they HAD rec ived second sum-
mons to 60, it would have taken an extra
quantity of soap suds to make them pre-
sentable among decent angels.
Appointed myself Committee of five
to inquire into the matter; offered tn
following resolution, which unanimous
ly adpted:
ResOlred, That putting on clean
shirt TO heaven in, don't always result
in getting there, even though the tails
be of extra length and that the creed
which teaches such mode of procedure
is farcical theology, fully worthy to be
ranked among the many other excellent
sells" of that veteran joker of world
wide celebrity-Jo Miller.
Damply yours,
@. K. PHILANDER DoEsTICKs, p. B.