Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1854-05-17
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How Mr.. Pipkins Bowed HimseIf.

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How Mr.. Pipkins Biowed Himseif.l
Bill Pipkin hadn't been married very
long, and hadn't quite got out of the ha-
bit Of taking little punch at drinking
frolics with his friends on particular occa,
sions. He was first rate at making excu-
SEES for staying out at nightnow and then;
She was terribly pressed with business,
sand as he took very good care never to
come home cross legged, his wife never
suspected anything. and Advent very
well. Ft =
One night, however, Bill got rather
more than he could carry straight, but he
did not find it out tillhe was on his way
home. He would not have Susan know
he was in such a situation for all the
world, and he began thinking, as well as
he could with his spinning round so.
what Was best to be done to keep her
from finding him out. s.-r
"Hic, I've got it Eactly," said he
chic, Su-Susan knows I'm terribly, hic
fond Of mi-milk, and that'll hic, fix it all
right-so, hic, she'll never suspect no.
thing, poor gall"
Home. he went, practising straight
walking on the way, and studying in his
his own mind how he should talk straight,
so that Susan would not find him out.
When he found the latch, which was
on the wrong side of the door, which
opened the wrong way, too. he felt
around in the dark for more doors than
there were ever in the house before, and
got into ever so many shaped rooms, till
he found the pantry, where he expected
to find some milk. He had no very clear
idea as to where it ought to be-so, after
feeling about in every place but the
right one, he came to the conclusion to
go up to his room and ask his wife where
it was. The stairs seemed to be turned
up side down, and the bedroom had
changed places with the kitchen. but he
made out at last to find the door. .
After clearing his throat and saying
over his speech SO that he could not make
any mistake. he opened the door and
leaning against it. listened to hear if his
wife was asleep. She was sound asleep.
" All the better for that" thought he
"Susan, Susan p said he very low and
plain.
"Eh ?" said Susan. just waking out of
dozc. is that you come home my
dear, SO late %
"Susan! Susan" said Bill. not paying
attention to what she said, his head be.
ing full Of milk; "Susan %
What my dear!'
{" Is there any milk in the housed"
Yes, my dear; but what in the world
ha
"Susan Susan p
What. dear 2"
"Oh! Susan ?'
My dear what is the matter 90
."Whar is the milk 2"
In the pantry, in the dining room,
dear, but you had better come to bed. it
is SO late, dear"
Bill did not say a word, but he took
some terrible long steps in the dark he
found the dining. room again and the pam
try, but still he could not find the milk
anywhere. After trying for about five
minutes, he went up stairs, and leaning
against the door to steady himself, asked
his wife again.
Susan Susan !'' said he very empha-
ticalIy.
"Eh ?-what is it ?" said she waking
up again.
IL say. Susan. is there any milk in
the house "
u told you there was milk in the pam
try, dear.
Down went Bill again. This time he
felt everywhere and upset everything,
making terrible racket among the crock
cry; but not drop of milk could he
find there.
"Cuss the milk" said he, "whar could
they put go
In moment he was at the bedroom
door again.
'Susan Susan ?" said he.
Susan snuETed the snore short off in the
middle.
What ?" said she, rather cross this
time.
"Is there any milk in the house ?"
Eyes"
"Well. whar is it 90 said he.
told you on the shelf-in the pan.
try, in the dining room," said Susan,
breaking it.off in short mouthfuIls of pref
~ loud italic.
That rather scared Bill and put him of
his guard.
"Well Susan" said he, SIS it tied up
in anything. or just lying about loose 2"
That was enough, the cat was out Of
the bag. and no help for it. Mrs. Pip
kin was awake in minute. and the way
Bill got Caudle," that night, was
enough to sober the drunkenest man in
creation. He never got corned again-he
couldn't drink milk in his coffee when
Susan was at the table.