Washington telegraph., 1854-02-15
Vastly. Mr. Swallow try it again :"

jug
Now" said the lady. "it is my turn ;"
and jumping up, she sent the slop-howl to
/ keep company with its tea-table compan.
I ions
( This was, of course, too much for Solo
mon it snapped asunder the last remain
ing cord Of the little reason he had left, and
he slapped bis helpmate-we use the word
in its most positive sense-on her right
cheek; but scarcely had the echo of the
blow melted into silence, ere the indignant
dame seized the teapot and shivered it into
atoms against the head Of the devoted Mr..
Swallow. Nor was this ALL for as he was
rolling heels over head from Tie effect of
the awful collision, she piled the remainder
OF the tea-tiaps until there was scarce a
bone in his body which had not echoed TO
the shock of cups and suueers, and rounds
of bnttercd toast
Unable to carry on the war any longer
for that day. Solomon gathered himself up
as well as he conld. and, yowing vengeance.
he stuck bis pipe in his mouth, his hands
in his pockets, and then commenced whist
ling jig to The tune the old COW died Of,
locking as if he could bite piece off the
griddie. without setting his teeth on edge.
His good lady 100, being determined to fol-
low the example of her lord and master in
other matters beside the delf-breakine. plac
ed another chair back to back with Solo
mons, and after providing herself with a
novel, sat herself down and began reading
away, asif there was no such things as bed,
to make. Or stockings to mend, in all Christ
endom.
Here this afectionaie couple sat for six
mortal hours. each bent upon sitting the 9TH
er down, and Illuminating the while upon
their relative positions But it must be
confessed that Mrs Swallow had the best
of the bargain. for independent Of Solomon's
maneled head, pafboiied neck and should
ers, he saw as clear as mud, that the watch
dial and the crockery must be replaced so
that the reducing Of the first chapter in bis
volnmnous system to practice must be at
tended with an outlay Of at least $50
This being the case, l might as wpll be
hung for sheep as a lamb thought he, and
with that he softly rose from bis chair. stole
softly from the room, and turned the key
upon the gentle Mrs Swallow
The turning OF the key made her aware
OF his intention, when she rushed to the
door, but ii was Too late.
Open the deer this instant, A;,. Swal-
low"
Not until have kept you here seven
days upon bread and water, returned the vie
torious Solomon. as lie went his way rejoic-
ing.
But, alas how feeling is human great
in :. hon. l,lr jn,,,. Ia ra..,-t,a,l n,
see how matters were going. but scarcely
put his eye TO the key-hole when he began
roaring like bull. Gor Mrs Swallow had
torn every one Of his fine linen shirts Chat
on his back excepted) into pieces, to mike
rope to let herself down from tie window;
nor was this all. for upon further cxamina-
ton, he discovered that she had also thrown
a variety Of chair-cushions bed linens, &c,
into The dirty yard TO make her descent safe
ooh, chop-fallen Solomon Swallow ~
The archives of the Swallows are silent
as to the remaining occurrences Of this
evontful day. bnt on the very next morning
about seven o'clock, Mr.. Swallow, popped
his head from under the blanket. and slid.
Mrs. Swallow, dear isn't it time to get up?"
Yes" returned the lady. land you NAV
call me when you have ut the Gre, and put
on the kettle.
Poor Solomon There was TO alterna-
tive So he set about his work with an alac-
rity which showed chat he had the terror Of
broken head and demolished body linen
running strongly in his memory. In short,
Solomon was Il conquered man. That day
be had to prepare breakfast. sweep the room,
etc. The next. his assistance was REQUIRED
in the rubbing Of the furniture, and the max
ing of beds; and, before the week was out
he was initiated into the mystery Of washing
towels.
Degenerate Solomon Swallow, Nay. in
after times. when the Swallows began TO
gather about him, il is whispered that his
better half used to employ him at yet more
deeply conjugal Offices.
/ About FIVE years after the celebration of
his nnptials. a friend called to see him.
You must go with me to the theatre, Mr.
S." said a friend.
.'He shant." said Mrs. S.
.'He must" said the friend, ''and so must
YOU
II may. but he Can't replied the dame.
'for he must stop at home with the chill
dren.''
And Mrs. s. did go to the play. and Sol
ONION stopped at home.
O. hen-pecked Solomon Swallow
The moral of this authentic tale is that
bachelors wives and old maids children
are always excellent in theory. but as bad as
can be in practice-and that managed
wife is better than no wife at all Had Sol.
omon only treated his bctter-half decentiy
in the beginning. things might have gone Oh
smoothly to the end, but as it was he com.
4 nelled her to be Tartar in her own de.
fence; he bad to take the consequence.