Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-02-01
lllit QUO fnmor.

with having forcibly kissed her in the entry
Of her own house. Mr. Cleaver, although
proud Of lis personal appearance. was short
very shost--considering bis whiskors; bis
height. even in French boots. reaching only
TO four feet eleven inches Miss Fitznancy,
on tho contrary, being fond Of extremes, ran
up foot higher--and stayed there being of
remarkably rigid department She sworc the
abbreviated, yet amorous butcher kissed her !
by assault and bauled him up for it,
Butcher was fat lady wasn't. Clcayer had
antipathy to what he irrcvercntly termed
'scraggy woman, and vowed be hadn't kissed
her; 1rolldat! Money couldn't hire him
10.
Being cross examined, lawyer inquiries Of
tho lady the circumstances when, where,
how, &c Lady replies with great particu-
larity On Monday morniDg-ten O'clock
in the entry--resiste3 all she could, but he
persevcrod. and triumphcd LAWYER asks
ibid not he stand on anything but the floor %
"Nol he stood on the foor--no chair, stool
or anything else being brought into requsi-
ton"
but, my dear madam. this is impossible f?
you are twelve inches taller than him. How
coulu ne reach your lips
Lady hadn't though of that, but sho was
not to DO tripped by the glibbest lawyer of
them all. SO she replies
.'0h ali! WE'LL know - yes to be
sure! bnt then you know scrooched
ittle!'
F.. .Exactly' Thank you, madam; that'll
do
Nothing further, your bonor"
Verdict fer the short defendant.
Joe, when you grow up, do you mean
to be lawyer, or keep confectionery store %
II havn't made up my mird, Tom bat ma
wants me to be munster"
cob, don't be minister Joe, for you can't
60 to eircuses. then"
y know that, Tom, but minister, ma says,
IS tho best profession. You know how Mrs.
Lovegroye adores Mr.. Prettyface. and
wouldn't you ike to be adorod, Tom p
Perhaps should but then you can't drive
fast .horecs."
non, yes you can, ministers drive fast bor-
SEES, nova days, and besides that, Tom when
they have bilious attack, the worshippers
send them on foreign tour; then he gets
remembered in wills, aud often has nice pres
cuts, and ma says it won't be long before ev.
cry minister has his country scat, aud col.
iegian to write his sermons. Won't that be
highT'
Tom acqniescod, and the Juveniles indulg
cd IN another game Of marbles
nGy~A pedler wishing to recommtnd his
razors to a gaping crowd, thus addressed them
Gentlemen, the razors hold in my hand
were made ina cave by thelight Of o diamoud
In the province of Andalusia in Spain. They
cut as quick as thought, and are as bright as
tho morning star A word or two more, and
lam certain you win buy them. Law them
under your pillow at night, and you will find
yourself clean shaved in the morning
"A boy about six years os age entered
a shopin Dundee, few days ago. and asked
for pound Of canary seed AS be had no
money to pay for it The shopkoeper, (to whom
the boy was Well known wishing to ascer-
tain whether be had been sent by his parents
or by any other party, asked:
rs the seed for your mither, my mamie 70
s"No, said the hoy, at is for the 5irdr
nSD~A beautiful woman once said to Gen
erai Shields, who, bye the by, is an Irishman
How is it. that having obtained SO much
glory, You will seek for more ?"
"Ah, madam" he replied, show is il that
you who have SO much beauty, should still
put on the paintY
Gsg,"How drcadfully that cigar smells!r
exclaimed Gushing to, a companion, ''why it's
an awful smelling thing "Oh, no, it's not
the cigar that smells . was the reply. "What
is it then 2 inquired Gushing. "Why, it's
your nose that smells of course; that's what
noses are made for.
nG5nlt is not little singular, that the let
teFs that spell debt, are the initials of the sem
tence, dun Every Body Twice." and the
letters which spell credit are the initials of
the ,t,, s. sentensc. Call Regularly Every Day
Ill Trust
Ek5-A reporter of the CINCINNATI markets
states that "hogs are firm" That is stating
the fact a little too mildly; the frmness Of
the porcine animal amounts to the most de.
ternned obstinacy.
Rsag"The Litery Sicty is now in full blast
Question fer next week: fla man builds
corn crib, does that give bin right to crib
cornF Mullins intends to take both sides
HEg- Bayard Taylor, it appears, met lion
the other day ia bis Japan Expedition. Il
ran at him with all my might, buthe escaped
for he ran away with all his name.
BSy-" Mother, l heard Sue swear."-
What did she say johnny dear?" Why
she said that she was not going to wear darned
stockings to church"
MA surgeon writes from the gold fields
OF Australia that be was now quite discarded
the lancet, and opens tho veins with pick
|1S OBJ
"a E11-A misery old fellow Somewhere down
East has hit upon an expedient to save can
dlgaii99 He uses the light Of other days"
t6s5-Y Young ladies' are like srrows--they
arg alIain culver when the beau comes, and
can't 60 Of without them
t5sNo man has right to do as be plcases
except when he pleases to do right