The daily union. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1845-1857, 1854-03-14
Uncle Sans VIII.

OHCl0 SAuI0 Will.
Somewhat less than century ago, an old gentleman
Familiarity called UNCLE SAM. departed this life, leaving
an immense property principally in lands. to his poster.
y. consisting of thirteen Uncle Sam was rather
particular old ogy and being apprehensve that some of
his boys would turn out rather exravagant fellows left
La will, which. being fall oil provisions prohibitions and
restrictions, has since puzzled all the lawyers not
excluding those Of Philadelphia, who everybody knows
are capital hands at splitting hairs with stone hache
True is that il was specific and particular in all s
provisions, and simple and clear in its language that
oRe might suppose it little liable be misunderstood
as the Ten Commandments.
But, somehow other, il happens least nine times
out OF ten, that the particular man is in express
ing himself the difficult it is to understand him. and
that IN proportion as you multiply words is the obscure
ty OF their meaning, most especially when lawyer gels
hold OF them. Thus it happened with Uncle Sam, who
like the careful groom, though he shut the stable door,
unfortunately left the key in it, He directed what his
heirs should be permitted TO do, but forgot cay what
they should do, which led great
as will appear in the sequel.
As Uncle Sam anticipated, when the boys grew up 10
the age of manhood. and their property had greatly in.
creased in value they began fare up as the saving is
al great rale. They spent their money fast "a they
got il, and sometimes great deal faster; when their
pockets were full they empted them soon as possible
and when empty they took TO borrowing OF anybody that
would lend. Bat il SO happened that Uncle Sans will
how or other il was always standing IN their way II
neither kept pace with the march of mind nor the pro-
gress OF the age and stuffed full OF obsolete ideas
Accordingly. the boys often consulted together 10 de.
wise means for breaking it. One OF them had been bred
lawyer, and OF course, exceedingly expert at auib-
bling about words, stirring up the mud in clear water and
splitting hairs thin that nobody could see them, not
even himself In this way he often managed 10 dodge
some OF the most important provisions OF the WILL but il
was uphill business, and them great deal OF
trouble for they seldom, il ever could agree in their in
depreciation, and were every now and then obliged 10
resort TO what they called compromise. II was, there
fore, necessary and proper 10 establsh great pnc
Piles OF construction by which they could, at once and
forever get rid OF the unreasonable and announcement
provisions OF Uncle Sans will whom they irrevereny
dubbed an old fogy.
Among other things, the old gentleman had given par.
tcuar directions how and for what purposes they
should spend their money. and in what manner they
should dispose OF their surplus lands After long and
tough discussion, the lawyer hit expedient which
annulIed all these provisions in hurry He Interpreted
the word dispose" in the will, 10 giving away and
swore that making necessary rules AMI regulations for
the Aforesaid lands, nothing than so disros-
ing OF them that for ali future time they would have no
power 10 do either the other
One two OF The boys who happened 10 have scruples
OF conscience. yenlured 10 suggest that when man put
advertisement in the newspaper offering dispose
Of bis property, he did not that he was going 10
give il away for nothing and that making all necessary
rules and regulations for the government OF anything
could not by any rule of construction be inerpre
divesng oneself OF It altogether; but the lawyer soon
silenced him by swearing he century behind the
age. and much OF old fogy the father that bego
bin.
So that measure settled, and when some OF the
boys gnmbed little the idea Of giving away one-baf
their lands, the lawyer told Them only TO make the
other half more valuable "But wha, good will tina, do
us when the other half gone, too l" said these caf
enemies to sound construction. {" Why" quoth the law
yer, "yon blockbeads, don't you see you will have the
consolation OF Knowing you would have been immensely
rich if sou had only preserved your property" This
was knock-down argument, and silenced all oppo-
sition.
But the greatest obstacle 10 this system of con-
sirucion, which in time got the of the art Of
dodging was this Uncle Sam had expressly provided
in his wihat his should always dress themselves
in tight breeches, instead Of following every rdicu,ev
change brought into vogue BY caprice and folly. ibis
rule The boys implicitly followed long a. the
fashion But, unfortunately, complete revolution took
place about this time, and the entire world Of fashion
appeared in loose pansloons From wearing breaches so
tight that II required machine OF six horse power to
draw them on, everybody appeared in loose paptaoons
that looked for all the world like shirt hoop-pole
Hereupon, the broihers--some OF whom had not the
best legs in the world and who bad hitherto managed TO
keep pace with the development Of the human mind
without any direct violation of Uncle Sans willwere
placed in rather an unpleasant predcameni. Their tight
beeches cond not keep pace with progress everybody
pointed at them and the boys 10 The streets cried out as
they passed by, Halo, mister Stuff must be scarce "
your parts If the old saying s true, that every man Gus
his coat according TO his CLOTH" Worse than This the
ladies, especially the boomers the strong minded women