The Empire County argus., 1854-05-20
NUMBER 81.

meow passin in the cabin, that you critter the
Frenchman's wife) MS she was leanin out of the
wnder, her hair was sleek and nice to her head
that all her bumps stuck right out so natural that
| sung out great gravy sich bumpsl She hearn
me and smiled sweeter than pan of new milk. I
axed her 1t should examine her Uranium she up
and says you're phrenologist' | said 'ye-e-s'
Jest rolled back my hair and sleeves and began to
look into the developments, | struck bump enuff
to upset the back of the young critters head pio-
progenitiveness, says just then this cantanker-
GUS satron-headed Frenchman pitches into me ike
Durham bull at gate e-post an before could say
salvation sakes! = was knocked clean ont of
breath Now squire you've hearn that fellers
sstory, and you've hearn mine, eff this ERE court
considers that feeling young ladys chronological
developments with her consent, a sin or n shame,
III pay the beans, give in, and ak the feers par
don ct they don't I'll yank him out of this court
quick as old Catchem's bull pup would lick pos
sum"
The evidence being all in, we being near land
ing on the river, we all agreed to submit the case
to the Judge without argument OF summing up.
Ihercupon, the judge, in grave and imposing
manner, proceeded to make few remarks and
brings in Absalom Lovejoy guilty, and imposed
fine of five dollars. Oddly enough, the Yankee
submits without murmur, merely observing to
me:
Il guess I've got my eye teeth cut. bout cheap
enough, Sposo yeou won't charge nothin', Squire,
seem as haow yeou hadn't nothin much to do!"
"A bargains bargain, Mr. Loveioy," said I,
you agreed to pay me for my services, and
though as you say, had not much to do, had not
been present, as your counsel you would have been
fined twenty dollars at least"
wall, amt agoin to be mean, Squire about 80
small matter, there's ten, give me FIVE and
that squares US"
"rll give you this fve,H said l, handing over a
', you give it to the judge, and we'll make it all
square"
The Yankee proceeded over to where the judge
and bcvy of the passengers were joking and
laughing over the trial and addressing him in an
under tone, hears the judge say, "All right Mr.
Lovcjoy" and then the Yankee slopes down the
plank, on to the landing and left
On went the boat the Judge and the court were
proceeding towards the bar, meets them
MIR. Doottle | suppose we may as well take
general drink all around out of your clients fne!"
oh, certainly sir says l. walk up gentlemen,
what will you take?'
A crowd steps forward, We drank tho judge says
to the bar-keeper, Mr.. Doolittle here pays this
shot,
Il beg your pardon, judge says I, some mis-
take, the Yankee handed you tho fine, and you are
to spend it in liquor
Not at all SIR says the Judge, "the fellow hand
cd you ten, he said, and got five back in cx.
change and you were TO account to the court !"
was done! | paid forty-fve drinks at dime
each. I was rather afraid to say anything about
my fee, but concluded | had got off clear and n
half dollar over. But o for the vanity of my
hopes-the ten dollar bill 'cas a counterfeit. You
had as we'll believe hate Yankees equal to glauber
salt Columbian Great Hest