Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1854-01-25

Phant was busy too. She was a perfect
Whirlwind. Her temper was made of tar
taric acid. Her voice might be heard
above the confusion around. giving direc
tions to one,- and piece of her mind to
another. She was the landlady of the
Eagle; beyond all doubt, and no one else.
Better die than doubt that.
BulliphantP' screamed she, at the
top of her lungs; "Bulliphant. you great
lout you what in the name of massy
sakes, are you about? No fire, no wood,
no water in. How, in all created natur,'
do you 'spose woman can get dinner
Furintion alive, why don't you speak p
Sally Ann I say, Sally Ann, come
right here this minute Go down cell
lar and get junk of butter. some milk,
and then 1 say, Sally Ann ? do you hear
me Sally Ann ? go out to the barn and
-run run you careless hussy to the
store the pots boiling over"
And so the old woman's tongue ran on,
hour after hour.
At little past one the court convened
A board placed on two barrels across the
corner of the room constituted the desk
of Squire Longbow, behind which his ho-
nor's solitary dignity was Gagged. Petit
foggers and spectators sat outside. This
was very proper, as Squire Longbow was
a great man, and some mark ofdistinction
was due Permit me to describe him
He was little, pot-bellied person, with
a round face, balled head, swelled nose,
and had only one eye, the remains of the
Fother b eing concealed with green shade.
He carried dignity about him that was
really oppressive to by-standers. He
was the end of the law in Puddleford
and no man could sustain reputation
who presumed to appeal from his de-
cisions. He settled accounts, difficult
ties of all sorts, and even established
land-titles but of all things he prided
himself upon constitutional questions
The Squire always maintained that hard
drinkin' was agin the Constitution Of the
United States, and so he said "Judge Sto
ry once informed him by letter, when he
applied to him for aid in solving this ques
tion." "There is no such thing as sian.
der" the Squire used to say, "and SO he
had always decided, as every person who
lied about another knew he ought not tc
be believed, because he 10as lying, and
therefore the 'YuGransiner' as the books
say, is wanting" (This looked rather
bad for Filkin's case.) Sometimes Squire
Longbow rendered Judgments, sometimes
DEGREES, and sometimes he divided the
cause between both parties. The Squire
said che never could submit to the letter
of the law it was agiu personal liberty,
and SO Judge Story had decided" "Prc-
ceIcnts, as they were called, he wouldn't
mind, not even his own, because there
wouldn't be any room left for man to
change his mind. IT," said the Squire,
" for instance, fine Pat Sykes to-day,
for knocking down John BluG, that is nc
reason why should fine John Bluff for
knocking down Pat Sykes, because they
are entirely different men. Human ma
tur' amt the same. Contempt of Court,
the Squire often declared, "was the
worst Of all offences. He didn't care so
much about what might be said a3in' Jo-
nathan Longbow, but Squire Longbow,
Justice OF the Peace must and should be
protected ;" and it was upon this princi-
pie that he fined Phil Beardsley ten dol
lars for contradicting him III the street
Generally" the Squire says, he
renders judgment for the plaintiff, because
he never issues process without hearing
his story, and determining the merits
"Aud don't the plaintiff know more
about his rights than all the witnesses in
the world ? and even where he has a
, Jury the Squire says, "that it is his du.
ty to apply the law to the facts, and the
facts to the law, SO that they may avoid
any illegal verdict"
The Court, as said, was convened
The Squire took his seat, opened his dock
ct and lit his pipe. He then called the
parties.
die ?'
" Here" cried back woods pettifog
ger, Pm for PhiIista Filkins am al
ways on hand at the tap ofthe drum like
a thousand of brick"
This man was character a pure
specimen of live western pettifogger.-
He was called Ike Turtle. He was of the
swapping turtle breed. He wore white
wool hat bandana cotton handkerchief
around his neck horse blanket vest,
with large horn buttons and corduroy
pantaloons and he carried a bulPs-eye
watch, from which swung four or five
chains across his breaSt.
"Who answers for Charity Beadle ?"
continued the Squire.
"I answer for myself" squcaked out
Charity; II hain't got any counsel cause
he's on the jury"
"On the jury, ha Your counsels on
the jury Sile Bates, suppose. Coun-
sci is guaranteed by the Constitution
it's personal right-let Sile act as your
counsel, then"
And so sile stepped out in the caPoci-
ty of counsel.
"Charity Beadle p exclaimed the
Squire, drawing out his pipe and laying
it on his desk. "stand up and raise your
right hand"
Charity arose.