Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1854-08-16
speech Of a California Auc.,oneer.
.Ladies and gentlemen, | now have the hor

"I ladies' and gentlemen, now have the homo
of putting up a fine pocket handkerchief, yar
wide, yard long, and almost yard thick; on
half cotton, and t'oher bafcottcn, too; beautiful
" printed with stars and stripes on one side, an'
the stripes and stars on t'Other; it Will wipe dus
from the eyes SO completely as to be death to dem
apooues. and make politics as bad business a
printinq papers its dark color will enable it t
hide dit, and never need washing; going at ont
dollar ?--seyenty five cents ?-ffty cents p
twenty-f five cents2--one bit? Nobody wants 1t
oh! thank you sir!
"Next, gentlemen, for the ladies won't be per
mitted 10 bid on this article, ic real, Simon pure
tempered, highly polished, keen edged. Sheffield
razor bran spanking new; never opened before L
sunlight, moonlight, starlight daylight, or gas
| light; sharp enough to shave lawyer, or cut
dsagreeabe acquaintance, or poor relation; handle
of buck. horn, with all the rivets, but two at the
ends, of prre gold. Who will give two dollars
one dollar? half dollar? Why, ye long bearded
dirty faced reprobates, with not room enough on
your phizes for Chinese woman to kiss, Pm Of
ierinG You a bargain at half dollar We'll will
throw in this strop at half ar!-!azor and
strop-a recent patent; two rubs upon 1t U!ll
sharpen the city attorney; ell for foufbits; aHd
piece of soap-sweeter than roses; lathers better
than schoolmasier; and strong enough 70 wash
out all the stains from California politicians con
science all for four its!-why, you have only to
put this razor, srop and soap under your pillow at
night, to wake you up in the morning clean chav-
ed won't any body give two bits, then, Tor the
lot2 knew would sell 'em.
"Next, ladies and gentlemen, offer you three
pairs of socks, hose, stockings, or half hoce, Just
as YOU'RE mind to call 'en. Knit by machine
made on purpose, out Of cotton wool; tie man
that buys these will be enabled to walk till he gets
tired and provided his boots are large enough,
needn't have any corns: the legs are as long as
bills against the corporation, and as thick as the
heads of the members of the Legislature. VINO
wants 'em at one dollar ?-thank-e-e, MADAM.
dollar2
next, offer you pair of boots, made esPe-
cially for San Francisco, with heels long enoggh
10 raise man up to the Hoadly grades, ana nails
to insure against being carried of by a land slide
legs wide enough to carry two revolvers and
bowie knife, and the uppers o the very best horse
leather. A man in these boots can more about IS
easy as the State capital who says twenty DOL
lars? All the tax payers ought to buy PAR 10
kick the Council with; everybody ought to have
pair to kick the Legislature with-and they will
be found of assistance in kicking the bucket, espe-
cially if somebody should kci; at beiag :io';ed-
ten dollars for legs, uppers and soles while scnls,
and micerable souls at that, are bringing twenty
thousand dollars in Sacramento!-ten dollars =
ten dollars gone at ten dollars!
"Next is something that you ought to have
gentIemen lot cf good galowses-sometImes
called suspenders. know t.iat some CT you VIII
after while be furnished at the States expense,
but you can't tell which one, so buy when they're
cheap; all that deserve hanging are not supplied
with gallowses, if SO, there would be nobody 10
make laws, condemn criminals, or hang culprits,
until new election made of pure gum elastic
stretch like judges conscience-and last as long
as California office holder will steal buckles OF
pure iron, and warranted to hold SO tight that no
mans wife can roj lin of his brcechos; are in
short as strong, as good, az perfect, as ei;ectua,
and as Losa tids as Tie ordinance against Chinese
shops on Dupont street-gone t25 cen.s!"