Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-01-11
hit ouo Gnmor.

liz ne fdflS 0DuTlydlt mas du uhu-
sing hit at the American expedition to Ja-
pan. 1t represents a!lean, lank soap locked,
coated, tobacco-chcwing Yankee, in Pam
ANA hat and turned down collar, in the
presence of the Emperor of Japan "sir.
Emperor, here's lots y notions for you, in re-
turn for your kindness in lettin' US in."--
0Letting you in, the mischief Cut out from
here. Make yourself scarce. OFF with you
and your presents !"
"Oh Mr.. Emperor, how did l forget to
say that all our cannon yonder are loaded
with grape shot, which we'll send to you in
case you send back our presents, and refuse
our company" sOh Americans, if that's
the case come in, come in; | am delighted
to see you !"
10 traveller found buffalo robe be-
longing to hotel keeper, who, on receiving
it, thanked the finder, remarking that a
ssThank you" was worth twenty-five cents,
and "Thank you kindly" was worth thirty
seven and half cents. Soon after, the trav-
eller called for dinner, ate it, and asked the
landlord what was to pay.
Twenty-Five cents,' was the reply.
81 thank you kindly" said the traveller,
and moved off.
"Here, my good fellow, stop and take the
change" remarked the landlord, throwing
down ninepence "your dinner was only
twenty-five cents"
RSaF@A humorous fellow being subpenaed
as a witness on trial for an assault, one of
the.counsel, who was notorious for brow-beat-
ing witnesses, asked him what distance he
was from the parties when the assault hap
pened: he answered, ssJust four feet FIVE in
ches and half"
"How came you to be so very exact, fell
low ;" said the counsel.
"Because / expected some fool or other
would ask me-" said he, "and SO measured
it." M
BEy-A henpecked husband residing in a
small village, in the interior, thus announces
the departure from his "bed and board" of
his dearly beloved -
aNIy wife, Ann Maria, has strayed or been
stolen. Whoever returns her will get his
bead broke. As for trusting her, anybody
can do SO who sees ft-for as | never pay
my own debts, it is not at all likely that
will lay awake nights thinking about other
peoples SAG zrgga n4Ff
Judge man by his actions-a poet
by his eye-an idler by his fngers-a lawyer
by his leer-an actor by his strata boxer
by his sinews--an Irishman by his swagger
An Englishman by rotundity--a Scotchman
by his shrug--a great man by his modesty--
an editor by his coat, and woman by her
neatncss.
negaI In man there is hump upon the
windppe, not to be seen in woman. An Ara
bian fable says that this is a part of the orig
inal apple, which stuck in the mans throat
by the way, but that the woman swallowed
her part. May be so, but the story itself is
rather hard to swallow.
How many spokes are there in a wheel
of fortune
Of what kind of timber is the post of hon.
or!
What kind of knife is used in cutting ca
perss
Would the telegraph line be good for
fishing excursion
ns-The infant son of Queen Victoria is to
receive the name of Leopold George Dun
can Albert. Mrs. Partington, after reading
the above broke forth thus:
Hail Columbia happy land.
If that amt name I'll be-doc on
nT"Sammy, Sammy, my son, don't stand
there scratching your head /: stir your stumps
or you'll make no progress in life."
"Why, father, I've often heard you say
that the only way to get on in this world was
to scratch q. head"
70 Make both ends meet. A very wise
maxim, we dare say, but awkward and in
convenient for most folks to practice. The
famous "India-rubber man" used to do it
quito easily--but few are made wholly of that
flexible material.
20 Frederick-"There, now, how very
provoking I've left the Prayer Books at
home 20
Maria--"Well, dear, never mind but do
tell me is my bonnet straight"
OMr. Juniper, on seeing scurrent liter
AZURE" advertised in the papers, wondered
whether it was made Of the red or black sort
of berries. Mr. Juniper has philosophic
turn of mind.
Bsy~An honest freshman, fresh from Hi
hernia, caught bumble-bec in his hands
surprising it to be humming bird. "Ochp'
he exclaimed, show hot his little fut is -
BJ-Wife, tcomplainingly :l--eI havn't
more than third Of the bed"
Husband, ttriumphantly :)-"Well, that
all the law allows YOU"
nsSg~What part Of scripture would two la
dies fulfil when they kiss each other
Doing unto others as they would that uer
should do unto them.
aSg~The lie that has been so often snail.
ed to the counter" by politicians, seems tc
have got loose. 1t is now banded about il
every direction.
B1fWhay de- hen scratch, dar the bug
and whar de niggar gwine of Sunday, o.
late at night wid jug, dar the grocery.
n~TaeyAsg ma blass;y,r fks th.4 ctt,a.(.l