Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1854-01-16
MISCELL AN US.
COUSIN SALLY BILLIARD.
ny HAMILTON G. JONES.


ScENE.-A Court Of Justice in North
Carolina:
A beardless disciple of Themis arises
and thus addresses the Court: MAY 1t
please your worship, and you, gentlemen
of the jury, since it has been my fortune
(good or bad l will not say,) to exercise
myself in legal disquisitiens, it has never
before be!allen me to be obliged to prose-
cute so direful, marked aud malicious an
assault---a more direful, wiful, dangerous
battery, and, finally, Q more diaboical
breuch OF the peace it has seldom been
your duty 20 pass upon, one so shocking to
benevolent feelings, as that which took
place over at captain Rices, in this coun-
ty. But you will hear from the witnesses
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three were examined, and deposed: One
said that he had heard the noise and did
not see the fight; another that he saw the
row, but didn't know who struck first
and third, that he was very drunk, and
couldn't say much about the skirmmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am very sorry, gen.
tlemen, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined.
Had known, as | now do. that had a
witness in attendance who was well ac-
quainted with all the circumstances Of the
case, and who was able to make himself
clearly understood by the court and jury,
should not so long have tresspassed on
your time and patience. Come forward,
Mr.. Harris and be sworn.
So forward came the witness, a fat,
chubby looking man, "leetle" corned,
and took his corporal oath with an air.
Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain Rice's; as good deal Of
time has been already wasted in circum-
locution, we wish you to be compendious,
and at the same time as explicit as posi-
BILE. 1888
Harris-Exactly-giving the lawyer
knowing wink, and at the same time clear
ing mis- throa,-CaptainlRice, he gin a.treat,
and Cousin Sally billiard, she came over
to our house and axed me if my wife she
moutn't go. told cousin Sally billiard
that my wife was poorly, being as how
she had touch Of the rheumatics in the
hip, and the big swamp was in the mud,
and the big swamp was up, for there had
been heap Of rain lately, but howsom-
ever, as it was she. cousin Sally billiard,
my wife she mout go. Well cousin Sally
billiard then asked me if Nose he mcutn't
60. told cousin Sally billiard that Nose
be was the foreman Of the crap, and the
crap was smartly in the grass; but how
somever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dill
lard, Nose he mout 60.
Chou. Hha mo of ronn rnur souan
Mr.. Harris. what do you mean by this
rigamaroles Do say what you know
about the riota
Witness-Captain Rice, he gin treat
and cousin Sally billiard came over to ou'
house and axed me if my wife she mo1tn't
60. told cousin Sally billiard
Chops.Stop, sir, if you please, we
don't want to hear anything about cousin
Sally billiard and your wife-tell US about
the fight at Rice's.
Witness-Well, will sir, if you will
let me.
Chops-Well, Captain Rice he gin a
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she came
over to our house and axed me il my wife
she moutn't 60
Chop,-There it is again; witness,
witness, please to stop.
Witness--Well, sir, what do you want'
Chops-We want to know about the
fight, and you must not proceed In this
impairment story. Do you know any
thing about the matter before the Court?
Witness-To be sure do.
Chops Well go on and tell it--and
nothing else.
Witness--Well. Captain Rice he gin
treat.
Chops-This is intolerable. May il
please the court l move tina! this witness
may be committed for contempt; he seems
to be trifling with this court.
| vV.tnavs vou are NOW. hafn ,