Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1854-06-08
VARIETY.

49, 1lbl IL l. i
D1rWhilst regiment of volunteers were
marching through Camargo, Captain, OBJ
serving that one Of the drums did not beat
ordered . lieutenant to inquire the reason,
The fellow on being Intercepted, whispered
10 the lieutenEnt
nj have tive ducks and turkey in my drum,
and the turkey Is for the Captain
This being whispered to the Captain, he
exclaimed:
'Why didnt the drummer say he was lamel
I dc net want@any Of my men to do duty
when they are net able
m-A> witty clergyman had been lectur.
Ing one evening in country village, on the
subject Of temperance, and, as>ususl, after
the lecture, the pledge was passed around
for signatures
Pass IL along that way said the lecturer,
pointing towards gang Of bloated and red
uesed loafsrs near the door. Pass it along
perhaps some Of these gentlemen would like
70 jeia our cause,
we don't bites bare hook, grufly nut
tered one Of the rummies.
We'll, replied the ready clergyman. 4
believe there is kind Of fish called suck.
ers, that do not bite
.~ Pompeyn did you take the billet to
Mr.. Jsnes
,Es, massa
did you see him.
iEs, sar, me just did
How was he p
why, massa, lie looked pooty well, slider
ing he 50 blind 4
Blind what Dc, 5su mean by thatf
sWhy msssa, when was in de room, a
gibbing him de paper, be aIed moewhhr was
my hat; and massa, perhaps you won't be
lieve me, hO wur on do top eb my head de
hull time.'
MrWhile examining the paintings at the
Ladies' Art Gallery, Of Cincinnati few
ss SFs ;apE1 issHgsssRs s.sg
onward fight Of the spirits Of two lovers,
who were drowned, when our companion
somewhat startled the fair jafitor, by remark
ipg that Of course the new Ohio Liquor Law,
Just passed, would act dctrimentally to those
particular pictures.
sWhy % q asked the lady, in some alarm
Because, said she, 'of its prohibitions Of
all spirits and water &
n-An Irishmaa lost his hat in we'll,
and was let down in altueket to recover il !;
the well being deep, his courage failed him
before he reached the water. In vain did
/ be call 10 those above him they lent deaf
ear to all he said, till at last quite in dcs-
pair, be beloved out, BE Saint Patrick if
you don't be after drawing me up, sure I'll
cut ne rope = .a
EVA gentle man; popping his Lead
through tailor's work shop window. IN or
der to obtain a full view of the fair opera
tires exclaimed,
What o'clock is it,,
Upon which the tailor lifted his lapboard
and struck him 4 blow on the head, answer
ing.
sIt has just struck one
b4-At an evening party, a proposal was
made for & rubber at whist After several
deals, an elegant and handsome young lady
thus addressed gentleman whe sat near
her What will you take Cor your hand n
The young gentleman modestly replied ,~his
eye at the same time brightly beaning,
Yours in return.
E9rAn exchange paper publishes story,
10 which il is stated that a man who came
very near drowning. had wonderful rscel.
lleetienl Of every event which hadloceures 10
his life. Thste are few Of eur Subscribers
when We wsula recommend. 10 practice
bathing in deep water
ES-'Husdand, Why do you destroy al ny
Sweet Williams IN the garden, and leave III
the Bouncing Bstseys. 'Bseiuse the Betaoys
are oil faveritts Of niue, but | won't have
asy Sweet Williams about my premises
R1.At social party, Gays The Post where
humoteus definitions was one Of tho games
Of the evening The question was put What
isFslieion =
Religion, replied one Of the party, moro
famess as manTef business thaa Of man
ofwit-'religion Il an insurance egains, FIRE
IN the ne1l world, for which honesty is the
tost policy,
pa wife and child or two are the safest
snf dest capital with whiSh farmer can
start business Welenee know a man who
STAR I'd buisncss in this war, aud be came cut
tws.vs ehildsea ahead Still the theory looks
a. II i. might work
10 Sonny, can you spellr 'Yeth tbir
well, let mo hear you spell Molasses-mo-
lasses' well, 70 on 'Pleathe thir, l.
tant; alsayth sthick when | come 10
nslatAeth.' Call the next boy
0rAa ed maid in Connecticut, being at
len Cor needle-ease, made use Of an .oni-
~ o th, following morning ihs found
aM Alsl the needles had tears in their
ne nat hath trade, hath an estate and
= ss,s hath calling hath place Of profit
49, - noeor. 4 ploughmaa on bis legs Is