Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1854-10-12
I VARIETY.

NAMBY-PANnY. Baa shrieks q half
naked infant about eighteen months old.
What's the matter with manma's thweet
yittle ducksy p says the affectionate mother,
and while she presses It 10 her bosom, the
ysung sarpin 10 return digs its talons in her
face
baden, Missis, l know what lttla massa
Dim wants, sexelaimed the cherub's negro
nurse.
You black hussyl why don't yeu tell me
then aud the Infatuated mother gives Di-
nah douss'ins the chop with her shoa.
why, he wants TO put bis foot in dat
ar pan OBJ gravy vets on de harfp whimper-
j cd the unfortunate blaeky
We'll, Why don't you bring it here, you
negravating niggernyou 7 replies the mother
Of the bawling young one.
Dinah brings the gravy, and little Jim put
his bare festin the pan, dashing the milk.
warm grease about its sweet little shanks. to
the inRnite amusement of its mother who.
+7tsnderly exclaims-
Did mammy's yittlo Dimmy want to put
its teeny, weeny footeys in the gravy q It
shall paddle in the dan as il shoosey woossys,
and then shall have its poorly red froek en-,
and go and see its pappy yappyp
ExAcrNEsss-An Irish bricklayer was one
day brought TO the Ediahurc infirmary. SO.
vere1y injured by faIf from house top =
The medical man in attendance asked the
sufferer at what time the accident occurred.
Two o'clock yer honor was tthe reply.
On being asked how be came to fix the
hour so accurately, be answered, Because
saw the people at dinner, through window,
as was coming down p
. Es-Some young ladies feeling aggravated
by the severity with which theirariends spec
ulated1on their gay plumes, necklaces, rings,
etc, went to their pastor to leara his oPin.
on
E'Do you think said they, ithefe is any i'm
propriety in wearing these thingsF
by no means, was the prompt reply,
when the heart is full Of ridiculous notions,
) isis we'll enough to hang out sign.
MA farmer told his man, Who was tho.
roughly lEisa!, to run into the pasture and
catch an a.
4 mean the of one ! viii manage the
other myself he said.
Pat ran 10 do as he was hidden, but sud.
denly paused with the exclamation
lie is . reasonable man, any how. Be
dad and how am to know which is the Or.
phan 7" ~
HusnaSp-.My dear, it's impossible. /
can't afford to let you go to Saratoga this
year, owing to the tightness of the money
market
WIFE.-'C Can't afford il I WHY don't ron
burn your store down after having effected
heavy insurance, or become bankrupt and
make your fortune at once. You'd be able
to afford itthen =
EJulius, why didn't you oblong your
stay at de springs q
skase, MF. Snow, dey charge too much
How am dat, julius y
Why, de landlord charge dis collord indi.
vidual with stealth the spoons
A young gentleman, feeling restless
IN church, leaned forward and addressed an
old gentleman thus, -
Pray, sir, can you tell me rule without
an exception p
Yes, sir he replied, "a gentleman always
behaves we'll in church
Hr.Mr.sJones. you say you want to whip
the defendant. What for-do you owe him
agrudge 2
mo, sir-I never fights msT what I owes
. grudge 20. I always takes the law On
him.
EEWhsre Is your trunk, Bobf
hains got any-I use the elephants
with what key do yon unlock itp
THE key to his good nature an apple
core,
., Exit Bob, rAi.slins Away rirA nslan.
Clergyman, in old times, were won.
occasionally TO employ competitions, in per.
feet good faith, which, to our moro refined
ears, would seem gretesqne, il not irrevcrcnt
We have heard offs minister ii country in
parish who introduce into 4 prayer the fol.
lowing odd comparison
.0h, Lord, thou art like a squirrel in the
vail thou seest rs, but We cannot SOC thee
o7-A Factions boy asked one Of lis play.
Why . hardware dealer was like a
ooot-makcrP The litter. somewhat pur.
c'ed, gave Il up why said the other,
'1.c11se The one sold the nails, and the 9th.
cs n.iIed the soles
~ Landlord, said 4 scedv pedarooue
gomsNhat given 70 strong lih,tions, I would
Ike qnanium Of spirit. . .Ii;onm Of
AZ moI>sses. n coni....'.1 .'.| . l'itie
water bat deal I.r..|. N Is. |b.I;ts
tbe6 man Of mix,utt
EeAp Albany lady contents that kiss
On % forehead denotes rev6fen6n .or tie Il.
tel.set . kiss on the cheek that he donor /.
Impressed With The beauty Of The kissed one.
ou' tt,t kiss imprinted on tie bps show;