Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1854-01-19
THE DOUBLE DISAPPOINTMENT


THE DOUBLE DISAPPOINTMENT.
One winter there came to Trenton, New Jer-
sey two men, named Smith and Jones, who had
both of them designs upon the Legislature.
Jones had bad wife, and was in love with a
pretty woman,-he wished to be divorced from
the bad wife, so that he might marry the pref
ty woman, who, by the by, was a widow, with
black eyes, and such bust Therefore, Jones
came to Trenton for a divorce. Smith had
good wife, plump as robin, good as an angel,
and the mother of ten children, and Smith did
not want to be divorced, but did want to get
charter for turnpike or plank road to extend
from Pigs Run to Terrapin Hollow. Well,
they with these different crrands, came to Tren-
ton, and addressed the assembled wisdom with
the usual arguments. 1st, suppers, mainly
composed of oysters, with rich back ground
of steak and vcnison; I'd, liquors in great plen-
ty, from " Jersey lightning'-which is q kind
Of locomotive at full speed, reduced to liquid
shapc-to Newark champagne. To speak in
plain prose, Jones, the divorce man, gave a
champagne supper, and Smith, the turnpike
man, followed with IL champagne breakfast
Under the modifying influence Of which, the
assembled wisdom passed both the divorce and
turnpike bills, and Jones and Smtl-a copy of
each bill in their pockets-went rejoicing home,
over miles of sand, and through the tribulation
Of many stage coaches Smith arriveda home,
in the evening, and as he sat down in his par
lor, his pretty wife beside hm--how pretty she
did look and five OF her children asleep over
head, the other five studying their lessons in
the corner of the room, Smith was induced to
expatiate upon the result of his mission to
Trenton.
ga turnpike, my dear. am one of the di-
rectors and will be president; it will set us up,
love- we can send the children to boarding
school and live in style, out Of toll. Here is
Me charter, honey"
Let me sec it, said the pretty wife, who
was one of the incest of wives, with plumpness
and goodness dimpling all over her face, "lct
me see it; and she leaned over Smith shoulder,
pressing her arm upon his own as she looked at
the parchment. But all at once Smiths visage
grew long Smiths wifes yisage grew black.
Smith was not proane, but now he ripped cut
an awful oath Blast it, wife. these Internal
scoundres at Trenton have gone and divorced us ~
1t was too true, the parchment which he held
was bill of divorce, in which the name oi
Smith and Smiths wife appeared in frightful
legiblc letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the corner o.
her apron. d" Here's a turnpike" she said
sadly, "and with the whole of our ten children
staring me in the face I aint your wife Here's
a turnpike y
g. Blast the pike and the legislature, and.
Well, the fact is that Smith, reduced to sin
gle blesscdness, and ''enacted' into stranger
to his own wife, swore awfully. Although thu
night was dark, and most of the denizens o
Smiths village had gone to bed, Smith bid hi
late wife put ON her bonnet, and arm in arm
they proceeded to the house of the clergyman
of their church.
Goodness bless me " exclaimed the mild
good man, as he saw them enter, Smith looking
ike the very last of June shad, and Smith
wife wiping her eyes with the corner of hel
apron-'' Goodness bless mt, what's the matter!'
/" The matter is, want you to marry us two
right off! 3" replied Smith.
"Marry you!" calculated the clergyman
with expanded fingers and awful eyes, ''ar'
you drunk or crazy!"
81 aint crazy, and wish was drunk, " sale
Smith desperately; "the fact is, brother Good
win, that some seoundrels at Trenton, unbe
known to me and at dead of night, have gon'
and divorced me from my own wife she is th
mother of-of-nine children
"Tea,' suggested Mrs. Smith, who was cry
ing, Here's turnpike
Well, the good minister seeing the state o
the case (thc Trenten parchment was duly pro
duced from the pocket of the lugubrious Smith)
married them over straight-way, and would no
take fee the fact is, grave as he was, he wa
diving to be alone so that he could give vent t
suppressed laugh, which was shaking him al
over and Smith and Smiths wife went joyful
home and kissed every one of their ten children
The little Smiths never knew that their fathe
and mother had been made strangers to eac
other by legislative enactment.
Meanwhile and on the selfsame night done
returned to his native town Burlington beiiev
and sought at once the pair OF black eye
which he hoped shortly to call his own, In
pretty widow sat on the sofa, a white kerchie
tied carlessly about her round, white throat
her black hair laid in silk waves against eac
rosy cheek.
Divorce is the word, cried Jones, playful
! patting her double chin. "The fact is, Eliza
I'm rid Of that cursed woman, and you and =
/ be married tonight, know how to manae