Democrat and sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1853-1866, 1854-01-13
LAUREL SWAMP INN.

IN the Laurel Swamp Is now ready to take III
| any person that may wish to be s. taken tn. :"
The Human race have been wondering why this
Tauer,l was not finished long ago. This is not
at all surprising as it has been nine weeks, six
teen days, and six hours longer building than the
Tower of Babel-and caused more swearing, and
confusion of tongues, undoubtedly than that same
venerable edifice. Let good men all pray that
the same calamity-the curse of God, may not
follow this feeble effort of one poor man to get up
a shanty for the protection OF his fellow creatures
which was inflicted upon the proud and ambi-
tious ones of old-who wished to get to Heaven
on Stone and Mortar, instead of by Good Works
and by Grace. This House and surrounding
Swamp have been a taking IN concern from the
first on account of the nature of the soil Title
quick sands glorious legal uncertainties and eter
nal delays IL the first place the title OF the land
has been in state of :. Bornation" Cambria
County named for birth) for ten years. This
has been caused by baleful enchantment"
and the influence of Mephistophiles.
Although seventeen scientific legal Midwlves
of the most undoubted genius and reputation as
land Lawers have been at work all that time, no
title can be found.
Five Supreme Beldams are now at work with
legal forceps and scissors to finish this g BOrnd-
tion from the forlorn mother. of legal abstrac-
tions and whom it is hoped by hook or by crook
by right or by wrong, will have it accomplished
The walls Of the house itself have taken IN more
Whiskey and money to build them, than any
ten Barns in Cambria county. The timbers of
ships to last forever and then make good oven
wood are boiled in Oil. From high price and
scarcity Of grease, the proprietor of the Laurel
Swamp Inn thought it best to boil his timbers IN
Whiskey. There were also other considerations
of Scientific or Chemical character. For al
| though the Whiskcy element will rot the human
gut it preserves Timber, Peaches, and dead AMI
NAL matter from decay. His Bar is only tolera-
BILE, Whiskey predominating but his greatest
trouble is that he can only sell by the Barrel or
pit H,,- M n a
human soul for the want Of g the Music OF the
Spheres in the shape of three cent drinks The
Proprietor will supply fiddling gratis, and every
man can have the prlyiledge OF drinking thirty
two gallons a common barrel. 1he nineteen
gallon law of Massachusetts, being considered atoo
puritanic and contracted arrangement for the
Stomach of man in these mountain parts.
His Table is the ordinary mount ain grub, COM
mon shanty cooking, hard enough, but suitable
to a region near theJ-ne ofenternal snow, where
the human nose Is required 10 De picAieu III
Whiskey or drop off with intense frost.
The Inn is situated in the Swamp one half mile
west of Cakatioa at the crossing of the three Al
leghany Mountain roads, near a large sand rock
Spring which has its % BOrndtion" from the roots
of venerable Pine Forest.
Yhe building itself is of the Egyptian order of
Architecture, that is, after the first formula Of a
human habitation Temple for the household
| Gods wigw am or tent like; IN short the abof1gl-
nal shanty of the biped man, low and cavernous:
simplicity aud pGlt having cut the graces en-
tirely. g.
Hoping to have some custom, the Proprietor Is
happy to inform the public, that this resting
place for the weary laden is now arranged
ROBERT SMITH
The Proprietor would inform the public that
DR. Jackson. of the firm of jackson q Howe, has
rooms in his house--his Office being in the origi-
nal Squatters Log Cabin, opposite. The DIR. is
well known to be sound on fits, and common
snakes in the hat. His services can be obtained
at any time