Grass Valley telegraph., 1854-02-02
Tom Fray's soliloquy.
'cMost any female lodger up stairs,
Occasions thought in him who LODGES under

|
| 'sMost any female lodger up stairs.
| Occasions thought in him who lodges under"
Don't they, tho'?s Not deuced thing have
I been able to do since that little gipsy took
the room overhead, about week ago! Pat
l-pat-pat, go those little feet over the floor
till am as nervous as cat in china closet,
(and confounded pretty feet they are too, for
I caught sight of 'em going up stairs.) Then
I can hear her little rocking-chair creak, as
she sits there sewing and singing "LOve not
-loUe not" Gust as if a fellow could help
it.) Wish she wasn't quite SO pretty it
makes mefeel decidedly uncomfortable Won
del'ifysrt has any great six-footer of bro
ther, or a cousin, with sledge-hammer fist :?
Wish I was her washer-woman, or the little
nigger who brings her breakfast wish she'd
faint away on the stairs wish the house
would ketch fire tonight! Here am in this
great barn of room, Gall alone) chair and
things set square up against the wall no
little feminine fxin round shall have to
buy a second hand bonnet, or little pair of
gaiter boots, to cheat myself into the delu-
sion that "there's two of u.s." Wish that
little gypsy wasn't shy as rabbit! can't
meet her on the stairs, if I die for it; I've
upset my inkstand dozen times, hopping up
when I thought heard her coming. Won
der if she knows when she sits vegetating
there that Shakespeare, or Sam Slick, or
somebody, says that "happiness is born a
twin?" cause if she don't I'm the missionary
that will enlighten her Wonder if she earns
her living! (poor little soul y Its time had
a wife, by Christopher! Sitting there prick
ing her fingers with that murderous needle!
If she was sewing on my dickeys it would be
worth while now! That's it-by Jove! I'll
get her to make some dickeys; don't want
them any more than Satan wants holy wa
ter, but that's neither here nor there; shall
insist upon her taking the measure of my
throat! bachelors have to be right fusty
There's pretty kittle of fish now; either
she'll have to stand on cricket, or 1 shall
have to get on my knees to her. Solomon
couldn't fix any thing better! deuce take me
if couldn't say the right thing then! This
fitting dickeys is a work of time too. Dick
eys isn't to be got up in hurry.
Hallow! there's the door-bell! F! there's a
big trunk thumped down in the entry! Is
Mrs. Legare at home? Mrs. Legare \ I like
that now! Have I been in love whole
week with Mrs. Legare? Never mind, may
be she's a widow! Tramp, tramp, up comes
those masculine feet up rs-handsame fell
low, tool! Nebuchadnezzar!
If I ever heard kiss in my life heard
one then! I won't stand it! it's an invasion
of my rights; I'll listen at the door as I'm
a sinner What right have sea captains on
shore. I'd like to know? Confound it all
Well, I always knew women wer'nt worth
thinking of; set Of deceitful little mon
keys; cha1geable as rainbow, superficial as
parrots, as full of tricks as a conjurer, stub
born as mules vain as peacocks, noisy as
magpies, and full of the ''Old Harry" all the
time! There's "Delilah" now; didn't she
take the strength out of Sampson? and wer'nt
''Sisera" and Judith born iends, and didn't
the little mink of "Herodias" dance John
the Baptist's head off? Didn't Sarah "raise
Cain" with Abraham, till he packed Hager
off? Then there was-well, the less said of
HER the better! but didn't Eve, the fore-mO
ther of the whole concern, have one talk too
many with the cold serpent?" Of course,
she didn't do nothing else! Glad Inever set
any of my young affections on any o'em
Where's my cigar case? How tormented hot
this room is!