Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1854-03-10
HUMOROUS.

WltHlu Tue STOCK OF DIeoC0, Tree from
any connection with the exploding gas.
HUMOROUS.
VANS not plant he cannot live
On dews that fall from heaven
He wants some dinner about four,
Or hve, or six, or seven.
Jim, believe Sans got no truth in him."
"You don't know, nigga; dere's more truth in dat
aigss dan all de res on de plantation.
"How you maks dat7'
"why, he's never lot any out"
Sam came up from the rver with Ash pole
on bis shoulder. III lilo" says Joe, "what have you
caught" 'M,thing," says Sam. eyes you have -
says Joe, "you have brought homo a perch" "A
perchl" Eyes, you have red, and isn't rod q
perch ?" "Give it up"
REcErrr FOR couRrsHIP.
Two or three deus, and two or three sweets,
Two or three balls, aud two or three treats;
Two or three serenades given rs lures;
Two or three oaths, hoU much they endures,"
Two or three messages sent 10 one day;
Two or three times led out from the play;
Two or three SOFT speeches made by tho way;
Two or three tickets for two or three times;
Two or three loy e-'etters writ all IN rhymes;
Two or three months keeping strict to these rules,
Can never fail mixing couple OF fe's
At . late festival, pretty miss waited upon
editor with pie plato e antique manufacture, in
the center Of which he espied tho following interesting
soup!et
0ne sweet kiss
Is the price Of this.
This excited his naturally amorous disposition and ..
soon as opportunity presented, he motioned the
youg lady to his side. and pointing his knit, to the
lines, said:
"Your pay sready whenever you present your bill.
Two young officers were travelling in the far
West, whsa they stopped to take supper at small
roadside tavern. kept BY very rough Yankee wo-
man. TIE laudlady, in calico bona ct and bare
feet stood at the head Of tho tabe pour out coffee
She euquired fiber guests If they ch,ss long swss.s
ing or short swsstening, in their cofss7 The first
of,ar, supposisg that long swoct,ning meant large
portion of that article, cdos, it accordingly What
his d;smay when he saw their hostess dip her TO-
ger deep d,wa into the honey that stool near her,
and then stir it 1.-THE 6ager round in the coffee His
companion seeing this, preferred short swcc. .ning
Upon which tho woman picked up q large lump Of
maple sugar that lay in brown paper on tho floor
besids her, and, biting of piece, put it In his cup.
Both of the gentlemen dispensed with coffee that even
Ing.
During the year 1919, while the yellow fever
was raging with sach violence in Now York, . gen.
tleman travelling from New York stopped at coun-
try town, where the inhabitants were m silly Dutch
During his stay he was asked il the report was true
that two or three hundred died every day In ths city
He gave negative answer, and said thers had only
bssn fifty or sixty cases in all. "Well," said q
Datchman, chow many generally comes in eass7"
"A New VIEW OF NIAaARA.-An freshman Of
the better class thought hs must conform with the
fashionable mania in paying visit to the Falls of
Niagara. Paddy arrive, at the Fa h, and looking at
tho surrounding wonders, adlrcssss himse to gen.
tloman, "Aud 10 this Niagara F4Ils'" "Yss," was
the reply. "And what is there here to make such q
bother about?" "Why," said the gentleman, ado
you not see the mighty river, the deep abyss, and the
great sheet Of water pouring d wnl" Pat, looking
At the water, replies, hesitatingy, "And whats to
hinder it,"
-LoeK BEyoRB You KIcK.-A minister Of one
OF orthodox churches while on his way to preach
funeral ssrm n, called to Of bis members, a.
old widswady, who lived near the road he was trav
cling. The old lady had just bsen making ssusasss
and she felt proud of them-they were 20 plump
round and sweet OF course she insisted on her min
istsr taking some Of the links homs to bis family
He objected account Of not having his portmantsa,
along. Thi: OH ,ctop ovorruled, and the old
lady, after whipping them in rag, carefully placed
bundle in either pocket Of the minister's great cost
xhus equipped he started for the funeral.
While attending ~ tho solemn ceremonies Of tn.
grave, some hungry dogs scented the saussges, and
not long in tracing them to tie pockets of tn.
good mans overcoat. or course this was great an.
noysncs and he several times under the necessity
Of kicking the wheips away. The obsequiss At tha
grave being completed. the minister and tho congre
COTTON repaired to the church, where the funeral dis
course to BE- preached After the sermon was On
ishsd, the minister halted to mako some remarks to
his congregation, when brother who desired to have
some appointment given out asccnded the steps Of the
pulpit, and gave the minister's csat hi,e5 to get his
| attention. Toe divine, thinking it dog having de
signs upon bis pocket. gave sudden kick, and sent
he good brother sprawlipg down the stefs!
You will me- brothers and sisters" said the
minister cOnfussdIy, without looki the work he
had douc for could not avoid it'll have saus.ees in
my pocket, ard that tarnation dog BE- trying to
grab them ever since came upon the pr.nisss!"
Your resd.rs may judge of the e6ct such an an
pounosmcnt would have at funeral. Tears # sorrow
we're suddenly exchanged for smiles Of mo,rment-
lasrnantown Emporium