Democrat and sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1853-1866, 1854-01-06

few rules with regard to the choice Of husbands
in general, and though, my dears, have never
ventured on the stormy seas of matlimony my
sef' (herc the fair lecturers voice slightly trem-
bled with emotion,) q still, have watched from
the haven of single blcssedness, many of the
squalls and breezes that have taken place on
them, and have derived no small knowledge from
the numerous shipwrecks | have witnessed in
consequence OF them; and this knowledge am
only too willing to impart to all those who are
anxious to embark for the United States
/ g shall confine my observations, my dears, to
the small circle of my experience of men, such as
! L have studied them round the tea-tnble.
g If wipes his feet the door-mat be-
fore coming into the room, you may be sure he
will make good domestic husband.
| q If man, in snuff1ng the candles, snuffs them
! out, you may be sure he will make stupid hus-
! band.
If a man puts his handkerchief on his knees
whilst taking tea, you may be sure he will be a
prudent husband.
'' In the way, always mistrust the man
who will not take the last piece of toast of Sally
f.unn, but prefers waiting for the next warm
batch. 1t is not unlikely he will make greedy
selfish, husband, with whom you will enjoy no
! brown at dinner, no crust at tea, no peace
whatever at home.
q The man, my dears, who wears goloshes
and is careful about wrapping himself up well
before venturing into the night air, not unfre-
quently makes a good invalid husband that most
ly stops at home, and is easily comfortcd with
slops.
Thn man 1n OH he lyafgt
vents it boiling over, will not fail, my dcars, in
his married state, in exercising the same care in
always keeping the pot boiling.
q The man who doesn't take tea iIl-trcats the
cat, takes snuff and stands with his back to the
fire, is a brute whom | would not advise you, my
dears, to marry upon any consideration, either
for love money, but most decidedly not for
love
But the man who, when the tea is over, is
discovered to have had none is sure to make the |
best husband. Patience like his deserves being
rewarded with the best of wives, and the best of
mothers-in-law. My dears, when You meet with
such man, do your utmost to marry him. In !
the sevcrest winter he would not mind going to !
bed first
(IIerc the lecture concluded, and the several |
young ladies retired to their respective avoca-
tions-)
THE MAHOGANY SPEAKER.
When a mana young man-not born with /
natural eloqucnce-a youth to whose lips the po- |
tato blossom has never magically impaired the |
flowers of spccch-when, we say, young man
is called upon his legs, and stands with ground /
glass in his stockings-his heart working like .
piston twenty coward powcr-his cars ringing
wit hc vii of f,rtv hons and bcll
eyes striving to fix the dancing candles, and his
tongue as cold and motionless lying in his mouth ,
withal clammy as dead snal-when man
is in this tremendous stress of emotion thcn-
and particularly then-he is called upon to own
that that very moment of insupportable agony
is beyond all conceivable comparison-the hap
pest moment of his life.
We say nothing of the hypocrisy of the asser-
tion. Hypocrisy is highly necessary in decent
life 1t is the veneer of mahogany covering t he /
deal plank making meaner wood prcsentable in
good society. We say nothing Of the hypocrisy;
but sympathizc very deeply with the sufferings
of the hypocrite. Hence, in the exuberance of
that goodness that for the past ten years has put
forth this Pocket Book a daily guide and mon
itor to millions, we propose to set down certain
number of toasts to meet some of the large and /
small necessity of table, or, so to speak, of ma
hogany life. And to begin:
l.-B.rthday speech d,riring at the age of one
ef and ttreaty.
Ladies and gentlemen: Standing on the broad
ground of manhood, | look around me and thank
you. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, L feel my re-
sponsiblity; feel my privilege of citizenship,
and hope also feel my duties Yesterday |
was an infant-to-day, (hsre strikethe bosom lrih !
the expanded hGad,) today an,
ding to the bcnignity of the British constitution
am eligible Chs s'pposes you not to be Je,c)to
any office. see bright and extended line be-
fore me-beginning with the church warden and
ending with the Prime Minister. l hope, if call
cd upon by my parish my country, shall be
found equal las that distinguished novelist Eu-
gene Aram has obseryed) equal to either for
tune.
And now permit me to allude to the authors of /
my being, the proudest of authors, since it can be
said of every child what cannot be said of every
book the child is original Use or omit his, ac-
eording to the capacity Of the company for Joke.
To the best offathers | owe much; and when l
feel assured that it is despite of himself, his pa
rental intention to pay all my debts, when feel
this, also feel | shall owe him considerably
more Indeed, at the present moment, Icannot
venture to surmise the amount of obligation:
however, let that pass but let it pass into thank
fiIlness for what is gonc-and OH with treble
And now. how shall speak of the kindness of my
mother How, with sufficient affection for years
ofindulgence, of beginning, in the dim Twilight of