Plymouth advertiser. [volume] (Plymouth, Ohio) 1853-1988, 1854-07-01

SOLOMON SWALLOW, The WU>
MAN TAMER.
"aule a wife, and have a wife "

v
one loo /; but nevertheless he had made up
his mind to one thing, that he vas the
only Ian living who had acquired any
knowledge OF the art Of taking care of
wife.
'All married men are dols.' was Solo.
mons constant asseveralion. 'There. for
instance, is my neighbor, Tom Tangible !;
his vile makes a sort three legged stool of
him; The moves. him in one corner, and
then in another, and sits on him and walks
on him as if he was nobody in The house,
while he, poor man, takes il rs easy as
though II was the most natural thing in
the world: Now that | were only Tom
Tangible. I'D first write series of matri>
mohial articles, and if Mrs. T. didn',
abide by them, d submit her to the whole
some discipline Of bread and wnter and a
paddock and might perhaps, brighten her
ideas touching her conjugal duties by the
application of good cowhide. And there
again ore Evert Easy, Dick Snooks, and
host more of them in the same condi-
lion, but I'm the boy thai will set them
all right. If they only follow my example
after have condescended 10 endow some
fortunate female with the legal claim to
The title Of Mrs. Swallow
Brave Solomon Swallow
'Hell Solomon, said neighbor to him
one morning, 'as you are always boasting
OF your skill in managing wife. how
comes 1t that you're not married.
Why, because have no, perfected my
system You poked your head into the
! moose without making any preparation,
and hence, Mrs. EVERY makes what she
likes of you. But 90 10 work logically,
begin by studying The erud,e works of
Zlnggrubazo. 'On the philosophy of wo-
mans holding her tongue.' then read
several treaties on 'the effect Of bread and
and water discipline in making good
wives. Shakspeare's Tanning the Shrew,
furnishes me few excellent practical les
sons. And | am now general:zing all the
system into one, which carry tie sway in
all future generations, and convert the
plague of matrimony into blessing. In
the course of year or so, added Solo.
mon, MY Rules for the Regulation Of a
Woman Il intend to publish i,) will be
completed and then shall take nae wife.
And Solomon was as good as his word.
for a. the age Of thirty five, feeling him.
self prepared to give battle to any woman
in or out Of the land of Amazons, he got
married. All this important period Solo
mon was as puffy, comfortable looking a
little fellow as you meet in davis walk.
for albeit the crown Of his read never
stood full five feet from the heels of his
boots, ne was of proportion that woulc
have done honor to an aldu rman or even o
Lord Mayor; and his gait, especially wher
walking with anything in the likeness Of
woman, was as pompouc as Sultan!
while at tuch times his countenance al.
ways assumed an expression that coule
not hsve brooked the approach of female
familiarity. The lady whom Solomon
had chosen for his 'worser half was ap,
parently lamb like creature, SO that thu
chances were very fair that she would no
only be tractable wife, but that Solomon
would require no help for his system ,e
make her so.
Now Solomon had the forbearance no
to interfere with his lady, or her saying.
and doings on the night of wedding, no.
is recorded that he assumed special author
ily on the next night either but about six
o'clock the next morning, he softly insinu
ated 10 his sleeping partner thatit was time
to get up. ,'@ ~
''And,' he added, when breakfast il
ready, you may call me, but be sure no
10 burn the toast
breakfast and toast said Mrs. Swal
low, 'why, what do3you mean 2
'Why, my dear-I mean, madam, thai
| have begun my system
| 'And won't you get up too!'
! Yes when breakfast is ready and nv
stockings aired 2 ts.t'
Mrs. Swallow was about to reply, bu,
she checked herself las she was asham Ia
say muck 10 him on so shor, an acq ain.
tance but though in the present instance
she did precisely as she was bid. she re.
solved in her heart that il was the last time
she would get up al six in the morning to
prepare breakfast. rr s@ @
i At eight o'clock everything being ready
Mrs Swallow called Mr.. Swallow.
j Breakfast is ready, Mr.. Swallow
j 'Is the toast made
i sYos.' so
| mot burned 2
! NO. baaHaa 4 sn @ @.
Are my stockings aired! = .'s
4 Eyes ma .,"H 5.,t
4 You'll DO quo.h MI. Swallow, and Ia
breakfast ne went. having received the
services Of the blushiog Mrs. Swallow 10
assist him in dressing. at'g4fs4 A@.9a ea5f
i The breaks however did not turn oul
/ 70 be the thing thati. had been cracked up