The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1854-07-13

The girl smiled, and, putting down her knit
ting, rose to obey, but the next moment took
it up again, and smiling and knitting as she
went left US alone.
"Poor dear Hetty!n reiterated Mary again,
cher patience and.neekness are a constant re-
proach to me and if my fears are boding
right it were better che had not been born"
knew not at the time, what her apprehen-
sions were, but they will be unfolded in the
course of the history.
You say am to be envied, that the round
OF my ambition is full-that my train disdains
to touch the summer-smelling flowers "-ant
this last is perhaps true, for though my frowp
made everlasting winter, would get frowns
sometimes: but as for success, to ourselves we
are never successful, and for that which you
call triumph l have paid dearly--every step
has been, as it were, on a grave-mound; for if
woman look beyond the household and its
sweet domestic affections for happiness, she
must tread, not only on the hearts of others,
but also on her own.
You must not think have been cruel by
reconciliation; but whoever fixes on an object
for the attainment of which, whatever comes
between must be sacrificed, is necessarily cruel.
There were springs of ambition in my ma
ture, set loose by the hand that might have
sealed them forever; so, if the good ground has
been washed away and left me hard and bar
rem, am not altogether to blame. So, at least
try to excuse my faults and failings and |
have my share.
We were poor, Woodworking people at home
living in an obscure country neighborhood,
with but few wants, and the few were not al
ways satisfied. had little time for play, but
in that little was in the habit of climbing
among the boughs of an apple tree near the
door, and reciting to myself such poems and
fragments of eloquent imagery as had gather.
ed from my school books, and from the news
paper One day, when | was stealing from
work for this purpose, my mother called me to
stop, saying, if | would play, must take the
baby with me to my playhouse. Right well
knew she had no thought that my play house
was in tree-top yet under the plea of obey
ing her instruction, took up the baby, little
dimple-cheeked Hetty, and, half defiant and
half obedient, bore her away. placed slab
against the trunk of the apple tree-climbed
on it, and, with good deal of tugging and lift
ing placed her among the branches, high as
could reach, telling her to hold fast and de-
signing to be in a moment by her side. don't
like to talk about it, but you understand why
she is hunohback.
That night my brother Charley, little fell
low then; three years younger than |, didn't
want to sleep with me, and ell night, whenever
and farther away, and looked at me as though
afraid would harm him. No wonder he fear
ed me!
| said, then, | would never climb into the
tree again, and thought SO, too; but after q
while, little Hetty grew well-crooked and i'll
shapen-but well. Charley ceased to fear me,
and the old daring came back. So | went
quite out of the view of my mother, and climb
ed in the tallest of the apple trees, on the sum-
NIT of the orchard hill, and there, as before,
made Rotations to the winds sometimes to the
moon indeed, for was not afraid of the night
nor, in fact, afraid of anything | said Char
ley ceased to fear me, and yet he never came
so near in love as before; and though, as the
time went by he gathered moses and bright
pebbles with which to adorn my playhoust&
he rarely shared my amusemeDts, but grew SID
and thoughtful, more and more. His natu e
was timid a2d soy, and though he possessed G
good deal of intellectual power, his self dstrr st
forever neutralized it; and therefore, amoeg
his school-mates, and afterward among men,
the praise he deserved was taken up by others.
Our neighbors and friends rather pitied and
patronized him. remember they used to say,
when they invited me to their houses "You
must come too, Charley; we could not get along
without you"
This manner gave him offence, for he knew
he had no superior, scarcely an equal, in fact,
among the persons about US; so he rarely
accepted the invitations; and when he did, il
was in 30 moody a way as to deprive alike
himself and his entertainers of all pleasure.
Oftenest went alone, less considerate of him
than should have been, for | remember, now,
did not urge nor even encourage him to &C.
company me, sometimes. Often, when | re-
turned late, | found him sitting in the moon
light, if it was summer, under the maple tree
that grew a short distance away from the
homestead, and if winter, by the ember fire,
without any other light than it made. Heaven
knows what he suffered at those times; mos
fear, than dreamed Of then.
used to say, occasionally, eve had such q
nice time wish you had been there, Chss-
ley;n but did not really wish it. for knew
it would not have been pleasant time to hirH
he felt it So and would make no reply or say
simply he was not one to be missed and thai
was all So we would separate for the nigk
and by little and little we grew apart. It
seemed like mockery to repeat to him my t;s
unphs it never occurred to me that he neet~
ed nv help: that the obstacles in our was
seemed greater to him than to mo, who bzd
energy and perseverance, while his morbid ard
submissive nature made him powerless to battle
with hard fortune, and to warp it to his wi |;
and because he failed to do so, thought b, n
without ambition, and, absorbed in my o.. n
schemes, left him to NOPE alone.
Now that IL is too late, understand b On
better. My tact availed more than his taleIt.
NV poor brother your sad, reproachful eyes
look on me through the darkness that is be-
tween us now. In the past, full of errors as it
is, there is nothing regret 80 much as the love
have sighted, for | know, now, how hard it
is to find one heart tina. cares for US.
One August night, when was about sesen-
teen years of age, went alone to the orchssd ;
ell the ground was covered with apples-red
and yellow and russet-but did not care to
gather them, nor did climb to my old accus-
toned scat: there was dragging on my heart
that would not let me hear the birds. If the
heard the owls cry in the woods and under
their wailing more fearful sound-the rum
BILE of clods on the coffin.
Nv mother had been in i'll health for a loAg
while, and though che had not complained, of
disouiet nor seemed less cheerful than was Eer
custom. felt that she would not be with rs
long. We had never spoken of the close we
both foresaw. had RETAINED, from the nasu-
raj dread of youth to the great solemnity god
she because she feared to give US pain.
She was good woman cannot say moro
that embraces all excellence daughter cares
to remember. She was the guide the rrlng
influence-all the ends of things met in her
hands. Not field was plowed or sowed but
she knew of it; not tree was felled bu she
knew when and where; and the wheat field
she watched from the time the ground to shed
green till the golden heads hung heavy; snd
the cornfelds, from the time of planted fur sws
till the white husks were peeled from the pipe
ears-not officiously and Observation-Disclosures in