davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20
A Good Joke.

A correspondent Of the N. Y. Post, and
we presume from the signature, one Of the
editors Of that paper, relates an amusing incl
dent which occurred on board one of the New
York and StoningtOn line Of steamboats,, a
few nights since. 1t seems that an abolitonist
of this vicinity, who is noted for his advocacy
in season and out of season, of the habeas
corpus act, was on board the boat, and some
of the passengers, willing to enjoy little
sport, informed him Of the presence Of col
ored man in the ice box Of the steamboat, and
also that gentleman, apparently his master,
was standing by him, as if having him in Gus
tody The abolitionist, in obedience TO his
philanthropic impulses, Immediately proffered
his gratuitous services for the benefit of the
fugitive. The supposed owner responded by
appointing an individual to advocate his claim.
A passenger assumed the character of u. s..
Commissioner, and a negro waiter was
brought into the cabin suitably manacled, to
represent the slave. A mock affidavit, signed
BY James Wilson, was read. On the back Of
the affidavit was mandate purporting to be
issued BY Judge Hitchcock, of the Northern
district of New York, ordering all U. 5. Off
GERS to arrest the slave and bring him before
Commissioner.
The trial was commenced, and the prelimi-
nary formalities having been gone through
with, the innocent victim Of the hoax opened
the case with long speech, quoting at some
length from work Of his own authorship
called the Unconstitutionality of Slavery
In the course Of the speech an attempt was
made by the alleged slave to escape by rush
ing from the cabin, but he was recaptured
amidst intense excitement The counsel for
the claimant, after number of original argu-
ments and witticisms at the expense Of his
opponent, closed his remarks by declaring that
man imprisoned in nice bor could not be
regarded as improperly confined.
The commissioner, stout man with an Inn
perturbable countenance, then delivered his
opinion, declaring that the prisoners council
had failed to prove black to be white, and as
black was the mark Of an inferior condition,
and as slavery was a condition OF inferiOrlty,
be must deny the application for release, and
remand him back to the ice box. Before SO
doing, however, hat was passed round Tor
the bene6t of the fugitive, and fund OF three
cent pieces was raised, which made the waiter
roll up the whites Of his eyes IN grateful as
enlistment. The court lasted three hours,
and the abolitionist was not apparently under
ceived to the last.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

rocket is thrust into the tube, and ignited,
when, after deliberstng for an instant, it
rushes through ands.pursues its destructive
course.
In the ground volley, the rockets are mere
ly placed on the groahd, (Which must be mod
erately smoothly with their heads towards
the enemy, when they are ignited, and speed
away. For the firsthundred yards, they or
dinarily pursue cou9se of considerable regu-
larity, seldom rising. above the height of a
mans head; ultimately, however, their flight
becomes exceedingl Tirregular, darting about
in all directions. Hhis, in certain cases, is
not disadvantageous,b but the reverse So inn
possible is it to predict where one Of these
rockets will 60 that lis vain for anybody to
think Of getting out II its way.
In the ordinary course of firing, Congreye
rocket is apt to dro@p as it first leaves the
tube, thus losing much of the accuracy OF
flight it would otherwise have possessed.
This dropping is in consequence of the pauci-
ty of the force 1t hassas yet acquired, and il
occurred to Mr.. Haie, to hold back his pro-
jectiles, by sort offspring, from which they
cannot free themselvtsuntil they have acquired
a certain definite initial pressure.
The employment d war rockets dates from
the battle of Leipsc. where they were en-
ployed with terriblesfffect. Their history
during the Peninsuldk war has already been
given-also at Waterloo. Various continental
nations now make and employ them very eff
fectually.
In October, 1906, hckets Of very large cal
ibre were brought int6 requsition for the bonn
bardment of BoulognS In less than half an
hour after the first cosamencement of attack,
the town was observe2 to be on fire in many
places, and the damage effected was very
great, though its e3hct extent was never
known, the French taking effectual means to
guard the secret. Ih418O7, Copenhagen was
bombarded with very heavy rockets and
again with great effedl, they were subsequent
ly used against AcreA
The largest Congrdge rockets ever made
weigh about three hundred pounds, are eight
or ten feet high and haze sticks in proportion.
Very pretty visitors thsse to come kissing in
to the midst Of town !r-Spiit Of the Times
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20
Reverie Of the Church Sexton.

Splendid day! Well have quite a turn
out. There's nothing like sunshine to draw
an audience. It's better than all the popular
preachers that ever were born. Oh there g
my memorandum book, I'd like to have for
gotten it, and if them directions hadn't been
tended to, most likely should have lost my
place. Let's see. Takes out a memorandum
and reads i
BY order Of Judge R., the woman who
squints and eats cardamon seeds is not to be
put in the seat in front of him.
BY order of the wealthy Miss Prudence
Prim, the young man whose clothes smell OF
cigars and brandy shall be set behind her.
The request of Mr.. A., mechanic, that
strangers be not shown into his pew-to be
attended to if convenient.
'Qute chapter, anyhow. But people are
beginning to streak in. There's two young
women waiting. Common sort of folks |
guess, gentiity don't come quite so early as
this. Have seat marm. She says with a
bow, if you please, sir. No matter, politeness
is cheap article, it don't cost nothing. So
here goes the two women into one of the back
wall pews. Here's two more birds Of the
same feather, woolen shawls, straw bonnets
and cotton gloves; wall pew, second from
the door, good enough in all conscience.
! 'Ah there's bride Satin velvet, and
white kids, fine broadcloth and white vest
Shall | have the pleasure Of showing yourself
and lady some seats! They must have some
first rate seats, for they are evidently some
body. What difference there is in folks 4!
Now there is dress-maker and school
mistress, nobodies. Back seats, good enough.
Two young lawyers-somebodies, must find
seat in the middle aisle A broken down
minister, coat rather seedy, cravat rather
-nobody-side aisle Six fashionable
boarding school girls-somebodies- middle
aisle, if possible. Rouged cheeks, but a
splendid silk cloak, somebody middle aisle
An apprentice boy, decent looking, but no
body-side aisle.
Who'll say amt Judge of human ma
II u
see him
Now there's one Of our scedy coated fellows
coming Don't set him down as nobody
and won't he be glad to get any kind Of :
seatl I'll show folks that understand my
business. Have you seat, sir!
Confound my i'll luck. Just as was put
ting him into one Of the poorest seats in the
house, along comes Judge r., who, spying
him, comes up and says he, All how dy't
do Governor B. F! Take seat with me, sir
my wife will rejoice to meet YOU Shaking
hands with the seedy coat, he looks dagger
at me, and I'll bet fourpence I've lost my
place. Who'd have thought the old fellow
was an Ex-Governor But that comes of look
ing as meek as schoolmaster, and dressing
like a wood-sawyer Why don't folks, a
ought to, hold up their heads and be some
f body!'
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

The worst thing man can do il "a acs
without reflection. Your hasty person Is pep-
orally fool lie is always in hot water him
self, or Pnnging his friends in for him: he can.
not be trusted; with The best intentions often he
nevertheless does wrong. You might as well
throw IUts as 10 take his advice; for his deci.
sion i never worth The breath expended in Civ
ing II.
II a man looks back over his life, he will
generally discover thai his errors have arisen
from want Of reflection. He has entered in
10 partnership without properly considering
the character Of his associate, the capital re-
qulred, or the company for the work 70 Be
done. He has purchased farm without duly
examining the soil, its vicinity to market, or
the amount required for necessary repairs.
He has begun business without measuring
his means TO the end. He has married wife
in sudden whim, without studying her dispo-
sitlOn or requirements. He has embarked in
speculation, without fully counting the cost.
In short, whatever has turned out i'll will usu-
""y oO hoOCouiC W oil OuISSlOn on UlS paTI 10
proper reflection.
municipalities, commonwealth, and nations
are as liable to involve themselves il difficult
ties as individuals; and, therefore, reflection is
as indispensable 10 them, before acting, az 10
private persons. II is easy TO embark in im-
provements, and even to pay for them in loans;
but when payday comes il is sometimes hard
TO meet the creditor; and even many corpora
tion wishes that it had thought more seriously,
before ii was to late II is not difficult 10
plunge nation into war; but il is an Hercul-
can task often 10 bring about peace. IF The
Gar had reflected more calmly, perhaps he
would not have crossed the Pruih. If King
Ohio had thought second time, about aiding
the Greek Insurgents, he would have saved a
throne, which is now in jeopardy, and rep
ution for shrewdness, which is now gone for
ever.
Young men, when starting life, especially
in this fast age, are too apt to aim for char
acler Of doing things quickly. They forget
that, unless things are well done, or p.oiecE
well considered, their quickness is more appa-
rent than real. Davy Crockeu said thing as
wise as the wisest Of Bacon's sphorism, when
he gave the honest advice, Be sure you'rc
right, then 20 ahead. ledger.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

The elasticity Of iron is somewhat remark
able. A bar one inch square, when subjected
10 a tension Of one ton weight, will stretch one
ten thonsandlh part Of iis whole lengthi il TO
weight Of ten tons, it will stretch ten times AZ
much, and after the ten tons are removed, the
bar will regain its former length. II, however,
the weight be increased to more than ten, say
twenty tons, there will be found, on its removal,
that permanent elongalion or stretch has taken
place in the bar; and if this strain Of more than
ten tons be often repeated, rupture Of the
fbres vii! al length be effected. The point
where this permanent elOnGaiion takes place
is called the limit of elasticity, and in good
bar iron, corresponds TO One-third Of lis nlti-
mate strength; in wire, 10 One-haif; and in
steel 10 more than one-half, according 10 the
quality. Experience, however, has taught
that, Tor practical purposes, much larger nj
Iowance of strength is necessary.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

TURKISH Coal MIkES. Between the Bos-
phorus and Heraclea are boundless fields Of
coal, which crop out RA the side Of the hills
so that no mining would be required TO Get
the coal and beside this great facility ln Ha
production, the hills are of such an easy slope
that a tram-road would convey the coal wag-
ons down to the shiphsOn the seacOass wltnout
any difficulty. Ne patton ONt ahe Turks
would delay to makeEuse OF sucn source OF
enormous wealth as Ass coal would naturally
supply. when it can - had with such remark
able ease so near to tie great maritime city Of
Constantinople.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

FOWL QUESTION FUNNILY DECIDED. AT
The close Of lecture On physiology before an
evt ming school few nights since, the lecturer
remarked that any one was al liberty 10 ask
questions upon the suhjecI-and he would an
swer them as far as he was able A young
lady, with much apparent sincerity, remarked
that she had question 10 ask, though she
was not certain That it was proper question
she would, however, venture to ask il. Il was
as follows
If one hen lays an egg and another sets on
It aud matches out chicken, which is the
mother Of the chicken!'
The lecturer said, will answer you in
Yankee style, BY asking you question II
lltlle, pretty white genteel, native pulet sets
on an egg Of Oriental extraction, aud haiches
great, homely long legged, splinter-shanked,
slabsided, awkwardgai Shanghai, would
you, if you were that little white pullet, own
the great homely mOnster?'
No. said the young lady, ] arOuldnt.
Very we'll, said the lecturer, that settles
the question, for all hens think and act alike in
all essential particulars
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20
a Valid Reason.

Uncle Peter b., who fDurished few years
ago among the mountains of Vermont, as an
inveterate horse dealer, vas one day called
upon by an amateur of the equine in search
of something fast Ths result Is told as
follows in the Northern Gazette:
There, said uncle P.apointing to an ami
NAL in meadow below hhe house there,
sir, is mare yonder who you'd trot her mile
in two minutes and twenty seconds were it
not for one thing,
Indeed = cried his companion.
YES continued Uncle Peter; she is four
years old this spring, is ih good condition,
looks well, and is first rale mare and she
can 60 mile in 2 30, were it not for one
hingr
Well, what is 1t : was he query.
That mare, resumed the jockey, lis in ev-
cry way good piece of PROPERTY. She has a
heavy name, switch tail, troas square and fair,
and yet there is one thing o5ly why she can't
go mile in 2:20' -
What in the old harry Is it then q cried
the amateur impatiently.
The distance is too great for the time,
was the old wag's reply.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

SMART YOU'VE Lazy. At IA party few
evenings since, as young gentleman named
Frost, was eating anRpple in quiet corner
BY himself, a young lady came up and gaily
asked him 'why he dia not share with herr
He gOod-naturOdly tuned the side which was
not bitten towards~hrt, saSinE, Here, take y
if you wish. No, II thank you, sne -
claimed, looking at him archly, 4 would
rather have one that i not trOst-6'tten' < and
ran or to Join the company, leaving poor Frost
with thaw in his heart.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20
Being in Love.

IL you IdNc eNcT DeeH III love, gentlemen,
Think you will not deny, that at first there is
something exceedingly pleasant and delightful
about it. One is apt to be hopeful in the in
cipient stages, even, as in my case, without
being able to give any really good and suffi-
cient reason for the hope that is in him. If
this were not so, the newborn sentiment IN
many instances would languish for want Of
sustenance, and SO die. Perhaps this is a
wise providence Of the gods. A man Of Gym
ical temperament might be disposed to call it
an infatuation devised by the devil himself.
However this may be, true it is that man
newly in love, unless compelled by the direst
necessity to feel and acknowledge to himself
that there is no hope, will hope in spite of
what seems to other men to be impossibilities !;
and if he have among his faculties any thing
which stands for an Imagination, will straight
way begin to dream dreams Of the softest hue,
until he lives and moves encompassed by a
rose colored cloud of fancies, through which
he beholds all substantial objects and sober
realities, and thinks that every thing is in fact
as pretty as it appears, seen through this tint
ed medium. To the lover of a few hours
standing, old things seem to have passed away
and all things to have become new There is
new heaven and a new earth. A new sun
shines with brlliancy that the old institution
of that name never achieved. There is a new
moon, even though the matter of fact almanac
indicates that she is in her third quarter. The
stars seem to rejoice in new birth, like a
bevy OF young converts at a camp meeting
The lover is new man and begins new life
He has renewed his youth like the eagles,
and the only thing in all the glorious world
that appears sad colored is his past existence.
Even that he looks back upon with an eXult-
ant feeling. He gives a kind Of scornful pity
at the recollection Of himself as he was before
he fell this last time in love. He rejoices in
the great change which has befaIlen him. He
wonders how it is possible that he has lived
SO many years in the world with her, who is
universe, apart from her, ignorant of her very
existence, and yet imagine that he was happy.
He tremhes when he thinks how many times
in all these years, slight deviation from the
actual train of events would have resulted in
an eternal divergence Of her path from his
own. He hardly breathes while he reviews
the providential accidents, at the time SO ap-
parently trivial and unimportant, about which
he felt so little concern, but without which he
now perceives, that most fortunate event, the
crisis of his existence, the epoch of his new
life, his first meeting with her, would never
have happened. He calls to mind some past
occasion or other, in the day and time Of which
he had supposed that he was enjoying himselfI
exceedingly, and the memory whereof he had
ever since cherished as decidedly pleasant,
and laughs at the folly that dreamed Of happi-
ness and enjoyment, with yet no idea Of such
a future as now he may dare to hope for
Stage Coach Stories, Putnan's Magazine.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

a. recent writer asserts that the less man
knows, the wider he hrries his mouth open.
He says It is as impo& &ibIe for an ignOramus
to keep his jaw closed a. il is for sick oys-
ter to keep his shell hut.
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

Envy nobody, covae nothing worldly, go
ouietly about your york, and believe that
man may work At an vii and Be ~ religious
as II Il we're his Office y sand st the altar
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

TAKES TWO TO MAKE SANDER NV
dear friend, that man has been talking about
you so again He has been telling some. Of
the awfnllest lies you ever heard. Why, he
rallied about you for an hour
And you heard il all, did you =
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

Well after this, just remember ihatil takes
two to make slander--one to tell--and one
to listen to it, 4 .t.s4rs haH
Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-07-20

There is kind Of vice that some persons
shun if they are ever so bad, that is, advice.
New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1854-03-11

focus of the rum traffic. yet Boston has at length
chosen Maine Law Mayor and commenced the PEcse
cution of lawbreakers. All through Massachusetts
tie law is better enforced 81 this moment than Is was
At any time prior 10 tie present year and in no's
localities liquor selling is either extinct or as stealtsy
and secret as any other violation Of law 1t is oecom-
ing more and more disreputAble to SELL and the
business falls constantly into lower and meaner hands,
where it is not utterly abandoned
Such are the established, notorious facts IN the
case in the face of which Senators Brooks Pratt,
&c, stand up to predict and guess, and demonstrate
that Prohibition won't answer, or can't be enforced
or won't stand, or won't diminish drinking Why
don't they argue that the sun never gives light or that
Columbus did not discover the Western Hemisphere
How can such logic be expected to avail with men who
are not utterly ignorant of the facts -
New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1854-03-11

We have already made one apology TO the Assembly
Of Camden and AmbOy, and haze 70 make another.
Relying on the statements Of too sanguine CORES.
pondent, We yesterday recorded belief that the
majority of honest Een was too large to pass the bill
extending the charter Of the Monopoly with all its
privileges. 1t was a mistake we did not 90 the As
feuby justice. tshorest men prove too few to with
stand the power Of corruption. The iii passed yes
terday by vote of "a to "a. 1t prOongs The Nonop'
oily for twenty years from the expiration of its present
term, making thirty five years in all that Commodore
Stockon-uDess the People interfere-may still claim
to carry tie State in hs breeches pocket For tnere
is 10 doubt that the Senate and the Governor VIII
speedily complete the transaction by making the bill.a
law-and one of the most corrupt and unjustinsole
laws il will be that ever marked the putrdity oil poll
ties and the decay of State
To the twenty four members who have resisted this
iniouitous measure New-Jersey owes debt Of graft
tude which she will Jet appreciate and pay. They
have labored manully 10 behalf Of honesty aud the
public welfare They fought the fight to the end IN
the Legislature Let them now transfer 1t to the peo
pe aud there wage the war in an aggressive way ani
without quarter. The Monopoly ia vulnerable II
void from its inception, and must be overthrow Ina'
is the ground on which to put the controversy WHICH
will emancipate the State. Let not the legislators vi
the journalists who have nobly contended against
the common enemy now despair. The passage OF this
bill makes hostility to the Monopoly stronger sen
timent with the people than ever, and MAKES 'he
railroad kings weaker. A few more vigorous and well
directed efforts and the cause is gained!
New-York daily tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1842-1866, 1854-03-11

q. ia NV manifested II seeing that the ship carried
csrgoof cotton from New Orleans for New York, aud
81, altering at HAvans found that her consgnees
tber, bad already cleared her for departure
a, ,eiog in ballast It appearing that in-
stes Of ballast she carried a valnsble cargo, the
r.veue officers seized her for niractiOn of the law
Tteconsgnee said that steamers go laden had always
beeiAlowed 10 enter and clear in ballast, and In
dee.tfat as the lsdng was intended for New-York
opy a. isr Ss Havana concerned the cotton bales
ver in fact IS strictly ballast much weight of stone
Ths reasoning vas however, not admitted. II the
stsuers Lad hitherto been tolerated in violating the
lF il was high time for the practice to cease the
salute Was explicit and must take its course To
tie the consignee replied By claiming the weestab
ljhed right OF amending the manifest within twelve
hurs but answered that by some formality in the
ase this riggs had already been lost He could take
he ship but mu,t give heavy ,nds to meet the penal
ties OF the law This he refused to do after which the
liberties proceeded take out the forfeited cargo,
whe1eupon tie captain struck biz flag and withdrew
from bis vessel resgIng into the hands Of the rev.
eIue oficers
This is general outline of the matter reported
by the cousignee aod our readers will agree that 1t is
not so entirely side to justify instant or fu-
ture nIosds upon the leland 1t is not alleged that the
authorities have Oyerstepped their own revenue laws,
or failed 10 accomplish all their literal obligations.
hey b4ve violated nothing but usage established
CONTRARY TO law, and enjoyed merely favor, which
tLOse granting have good right to revoke they may
pieo,e No dolbt there was great deal of severity
aud sudden punctOlsness in the mode of revOkng II
30 doubt common poi,eness required that notice OF
the revocation should be given beforehand but yet tue
failure give such notice and to make the rest of t1e
world understand that the laws Of the country will
hencefortb be enforced does hot constitute any
ground for war, or for the baser sort Of re-
prisais urged by Mr Dean Tie Spaniards had
strictly a right 10 do as they have done il they
have violated good manners and national comfy in
DONG it, it right that they should be ciyy called on TO
confess tie fault pay any oss they may have unfairly
caused The case is not uUlke the famous seizure OF
French brandy by the United States authorities at San
FTaucsco under Mr.. FilImOre's Administration.
Though the letter OF tie law side in that
affair cur Government listened TO the reclamatons OF
France ard very prope.y caused an indemnity 10 be
paid 10 the sufferers We presume that Spain will
pursue similar in the present question but at
sny rate till she has refused TO do So buster on our
part is as unnecessary a. it is uDbecOming-