Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1854-05-20
5T8030U3.

quaintance, says an exchange paper
Young, lovely and intelligent, called in a
celebrated physician 10 "do somelhing,'
for rush of blood to the head.
81 have been doctoring myself" said
the languid fair one, with a smile, to the
bluff though kind NJ. D., while he Was
feeling her pulse.
"Ah! how 7"
"Why, have taken Brandeth's pills.
PARIS pills, Stainburn's pills, Sands sar'
saparil!a, Jayne's expec!orant, used DIR.
Sherman's lozenges and plaster, and
Good gracious, Madam !" Interrupt
ted the astonished doctor, "all these things
do your complaint no good"
/ mo! then what shall take :" pet
ushly inquired the patient.
Fake" exclaimed the doctor, eyeing
her from head to foot, Take" exclaimed
he after moments rehection-"take
why, take of your corsets =
Halo, Benz
Halo back again what ye want;
'How's yer folks this morning :
I'm pretty welI---mother's smart as u
sual---Jim and Toms kicken'---and father
| died last night
Your father dead !
.Yes..-he kicked the bucket about II
O'Clock, an I've got his watch!
The late John Randolph, Of Roanoke,
thus applied this fact in his description
Of the character of then prominent sena-
tor:
ale is highly talented, but utterly cor
rupt---smells and shines, and shines and
smells, like rotten macksrel by moon
light"
"Now my love, have you got your les
son of" "No, ma, but I've got the back
of the catechism of.
The fellow who kissed the face of ma
ture says it didn't 90 half as well as the
busses of some of his lady friends.
The recent marriage of Mr.. Day and
Miss Field presents this singularanomnly,
that although he won the field she gained
the dag.
When an extravagant friend wishes TO
borrow your money, consider which OF
the two you had rather lose.
A certain preacher in the far west gave
out for his text a certain chapter and verse
of CIOUer. The deacon arose and told
him it was Timothy.
'Oh, yes replied the divine, 1t is Tim
othy; | knew it was some kind Of
grass
TEXAS CouRTsmP.--"Hullo gal, how's
your Ma ?"
"IIain't got none here-rcckOn she's
dead by this time"
"Well, how's Par
ale was hung last May"
"IIumpth. What are you doin' ?"
"Just looking about"
"Zackly what I'm doin.' Sposin' we
hich and provender if you can 60 the other
beat"
"Well--but I've only got counterleit
note"
"Jest zackly, my own promises. Come
if we can't cheat one judge we can another
$50, come on, gal..here take ny ARM
well try any how"
The celebrated Andrew MARVEL, in his
ironical libel upon the press, said, lead
when moulded into bullets, is not half SO
mortal as when founded into types
Young ladies' nowadays, when lhey
are preparing for walk ought not 10 keep
their lovers waiting as long as they used ID
do, for now they have only TO put their
bonnets half on.
We heard Of good joke once Of par.
" Of young fellows who found fault with
the butter on the boarding. house table.
What is the matter with it 2 said the
mistress. Just you ask it,, said one, 1T is
old enough to speak for itself
a member OF a western debating club
wishing to display his proficiency in 'Ihc
languages VIXEN moving for an indefinite
adjournment Of the club, said Mr.. Presi-
dent, move VIC adj jOurn piuri0us u
Num-
You going out again this evening, Mr.
Tompkins 2
Yes, my dear, to stag party al Nj
Crummel's.'
Stag psry---hump--I guess you mean
a stagEer-Parly, you brHle.' This MAS .
staggcrer, and Tompkins slumPed in bis
boots.
F A writer in an Irish newspaper, afcr
mentioning the wreck Of a vessel near
SAerries, rejoiced that all the crew were
saved, except four hogsheads Of molasses
'Sambo, what ye link bout tie world
cum to an end dis year ?
Dar, 90 way nigger. Ye known nulhin
tail bout II. How can dis world have
end, when IT be round p
4 Mr. Rayne, is in court at Petersburg,