The Gonzales inquirer. [volume] (Gonzales, Tex.) 1853-current, 1854-03-04
Cousin Sally billiard.
By HAMILTON &. JONES.

ScrSr-A Court Of Justiee in North Care
lima.
A bcar,llcss disciple of Themis arises and
thus addresses tho Court: MAY II please
your worship, and you, gentlemen Of the jury.
since IL has been my fortune good or bad i
will not say) To exercise my self in legal dis
| quisitions, il has never before bcfallcn me to
bc obliged to prosecute 80 dircful. marked. and
malicious an ASSAULT more dircful, wi!!ul,
dangerous battery, and finally, n moro diaboli-
cal breach of the peace II has seldom been
your duty TO pass upon, one 30 shocking to
benevolent feelings, ns that which took place
over at Captain Rcc's, in this county. Hut
you will hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and dcpose: One said he
heard the noise and did not SEQ tho fight; an
other that he saw the row. but didn't know
who struck first; and third that he was very
drunk, and couldn't say much about the skrim-
image.
Lawyer Chops--I AIN very sorry, gentleman.
to have occupied your time with tho stupidity
of the witnesses examined. Had known AZ
now do, that ! had witness in attendance
who was well acquainted with all the circnm-
stances Of the case, and who was able To mako
himsolf clearly understood by the court snd
on your time and patience. Come forward,
Mr.. Harris, and be sworn.
So, forward came the witness, fat, chubby
| looking man, n 'lcctle' corncd, and took his
corporal oath with On mir.
Chops-Harrs, We wish you to tell about
the riot that happened tho other day at Capt.
| Ricc's; ns good deal Of time has been already
wasted In circumlocution, we wish you to bo
compendions, and at tho samc time NJ explicit
as possible.
narris--Kxactly giving the lawyer know
| ing wink, and at tho same time clearing his
throat--Cnptain Rice, he gin treat, and Cous-
! i'm Sally billiard, she came over TO our house
and axcd me if my wife she moutn't go.
told Cousin Sally billiard that my wife was
poorly, being ms how shc had a touch Of tho
rheumatice in the hip, and the big swamp was
in the road, and tho big swamp was up, for
thcro had been heap Of rain lately, but how
my wifo she mout 60 We'll, Cousin Sally
billiard then asked me If Nose he moutn't go.
! told Cousin Sally billiard that Nose ho was
tho foreman of the crap, and the crap was
| smartly in the grass but howsomeycr, as it
was shc, Cousin Sally billiard, Nose he mout
! 20.
Chops--tn the name Of common sense, Mr..
Harris, what do yon mean by this rigmaroics
DO say what you know about the riot.
| Witnoss--,Cnptan Rice, no gin treat and
| Cousin Sally billiard she came over to our
house, and axcd mo II my wife sho moutn'nt
| go told Cousin Sally Dillard
| Chops-Stop, sr, If you ploasc; we don't
want to hear anything about cousin Sally Dill
lard and your wifc--tcll us about tho fight st
/ Rice's.
/ Witness Well, will sir, if you will lot
| mo.
/ Chops-Well sir, go on.
! Witness--W Captain Rice he gin treat,
| and cousin Sally billiard she came over to
1 49,. h.,,o. nj ra1 ,nc all N,nn tr't
60
ChopsThcro II Is again; witness. witncss,
| please to stop.
Witness--well, sir, what do you wsntg
| Chops--We want TO know about the fight,
and YOU must not proceed in this impertincns
story. Do you know anything about the mat.
ter before the courts
/ Witness be sure ] do.
| Chops Well go ON and tell 1t; and nothing
! else.
Witness We'll, Captain Rice no gin 3
treat.
| Chops This is ntocrablc. May il please
tho court, l move that this witness may bo
committed for contempt; he seems to be tritling
with this court.
| Court---Witness, you are now before court
of justice and unless you behave in more be-
coming manner you will he sent to Jail, so
begin, and tell what yon know about the fight
St thpt NICE y.
Witness -Ialarmcdl l--well. gentlemen. Capt,
Rico ho gin treat, and co,isin Sally Dill
lard.
Chops~-I hope the witness may be ordered
! into custody.
| Cour,---taiter delibsra.ing. f-Mr. Attorney.
tho court Is Of opinion that we may save time
by telling tho witness TO go on in hts own way.
Proceed, Mr. Harris, with your story, but stick
to tho point,
| Witness---Yos, gentlemen; we'll, Capt, Rice
he gin treat, aud cousin Sally billiard shs
come over TO our house and axcd me II my
/ wisu she noatn't gol told cousin Sally nil.
/ lard that my vito she was poorly. being Az how
I shc had tho rhucmaties in the hip, and the hig
swamp was up; but howsomoyer, as Il was
she, cousin Sally Dillsrd my wife she fnos'
! go. wc!l, cousin sally billiard then asked me
/ II aoso he moutnt 90. told esslssn sally
nillsrd a. AoSe he wss ,he foreman OF the
crap. aud the crap Vas sessrtly IN tie srsss,
but how soFueycf. IN Il WA she. cousin sally lhi'
lard, Nose, be mount 20. So shcy goes on 10
/ geshsr, Nose, my wiis, and cousin sally pit
lard. and ,ssry cosae 10 the bsg swsag. sssa u
vss up. 81 wss telling yea, h0s being ~ fass
there ~as iog seFoeR The hsg swasaP. sesfeis'
sally nslsrd and Acse. Ike gentle sssSs, they
I vsiksa the leg, bat my wiEe, bike dssttss'
seei tackled up her eieshes and wssird ftEns
shrcnsk, sossssd scold. and has bad tsse sSsess'
asssscs ever sincs, ssf tAsfs eis ssssss s'Nsst
~ .AeaG
isames why IS ,ls gsttin ons of bed esa