Washington telegraph., 1854-09-13
Cousin sally Billiard.
BY HAMILTON c. JONES

and thus addresses the Court: May il
I please your worship. and you, gentlemen Of
thejury, since it has been my fortune (good
Z or bad viii not say) to exercise myself in
legal disquisitions, it has never before be-
fallen me to prosecute so direful, marked,
ana malicious an assanlt--a more direful,
wilful, dangerous battery. and finally, more
diabolical breach of the peace it has seldom
been your duty to pass upon, one 50 shock
/ ing to benevolent feelings, as that which
took place over at Captain Rice's. in this
county. But you viii hear from tie Wit.
nesses''
! The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined, and depose One said he
had heard the noise and did not see the
fight; another that be saw the row, but Ill d
not know who struck first; !; and third, that
he was very drunk and couldn't say much
about the skirmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am very sorry, gentle
men. to have occupied your time with the
stupidity of the witnesses examined. Had
known as | now do, that | had witness
in attendance who was well acquainted with
all the circumstances of the case. and who
was able to make himself clearly understood
by the court and jury. should not % long
have tresspassed on your time ana patience
Come forward Mr. Harris, and be sworn
So, forward came the witness, 4 fat club
by-looiing man, "ieetle" corned, and
took his corporal oath with an air.
Chops-Harris, We wish you to tell abou.
the riot that happened at Capt Rces; as
a good deal of time has been already wasted
in circumlocution, we wish you to be COM
! pendous and at the same rs explicit IS pos
sible
Harris-Exactly-giving the lawyer d
knowing wink, and at the same time clear
ing bis throat-Captain Rice, he gin n treat,
and Cousin Sally billiard, she came over to
our house and axed me if my wife. she
moutn't go. | told Cousin Sally billiard
that my wife was poorly. being as how she
had a touch of the rhcumatics in the hip,
and the big swamp WAS in the road, and the
big swamp was up, FOR there had been q
heap Of rain lately, but howsomever, as it
was she, Cousin Sally Dillard, my wife she
mout 20. Well, Cousin Sally billiard then
asked me if Nose he moutn't CO. | told
Cousin Sally billiard thai Nose. he was fore
man Of the crap, and the crap was smartly
In the grass but howsomever IS Il was She,
Cousin Sally Dillarl, Nose be m9ut 70.
Chops-In the name Of common sense,
Mr.. Harris. what do you mean BY this rig
marole Do say what you know about the
riot.
Witness-Captain Rice, he gin treat.
and Cousin Sally billiard she she came over
to our house, and axed me if my wife. she
moutnt 60. told Cousin Sally Dillard-
Chops-Stop, sir. if you please, We don't
want to hear anything about Cousin Sally
billiard and your wile-tell Us about the
fight at Rice's
Witness-Well, viii sir, if you viii let
me.
Chops-Well sir. 20 on.
Witness-Well. Captain Rice ne gin q
treat. and Cousin Sally billiard, Size came
over to my house and axed me if ny wife.
she .moutn't go
Chops-There it is again witness. wit
ness, please to stop.
Witness-Well sir, what 20 you want.
Chops-We want to know about the fight,
and you must not proceed in this imper;i-
nent story. Do you know any thing about
the matter before the court.
Witness--To be sure | %.
Chops--Well 20 Oh and tell it-and no
thing else.
Witness-Well, Captain Rice he gin a
treat.
Chops-This is intolerable. May j;
please the court, move that this witness
may be committed for contempt; be seems
to he trifing with this court.
Court-Witness, you are now before q
court Of justice, and unless you behave your
self in more becoming manner you will
be sent to Jail. SO begin, and tell what you
know about the fght at Capt. Rice's.
ALARMED We'll, gentlemen,
Capt. Rice, he gin a treat, and Cousin Sal
ly billiard.
Chops-I hope the witness may be order
into custody.
Court-lafte deliberating. MIR. Attor-
ney the court is of opinion that We may
save time by telling the witness 70 20 on in
his own way. Proceed, Nj. Harris, with
your story. but stick to the point.
Witness-Yes, gentlemen well Capt
Rice. he gin treat, and Cousin Sally Dill
lard she came over to our house, and axed
me if my wife. she moutn't GO | told
Cousin Sally Dillard that my wife. she was
poorly. being as how She had a touch Of the
rheumatics in the hip, and the big swamp
was up but howsomever. as it was she,
Cousin Sally Dillard, my wife she mout Co.
Well, Cousin Sally Dillard then axed me if
Nose, he moutnt GO | told Cousin Sally
DilIard as Nose be was foreman Of the crap.
and the crap was smartly in the grass, but
howsomever, as it was she Cousin Sally Dill
lard, Nose he mout 60 So they goes of
together, Nose, my wife and Cousin Sally