Democrat and sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1853-1866, 1854-01-13
Doing a Phrenalogist.

Doing Phrenologist.
You say you have made the subject your con-
slant study for the last six years 7' Intercepted
n little gentleman of Mr.. Adolphus Brown-the
g man of bumps" who was sojourning in the
quiet town of s., giving glorious evidence
Of the irreragable truths of great science by lee
lures and explanations, public and private.
- may say, sir, replied Mr.. Brown, {" that
have devoted more time to this profession, than
any other subject that ever engaged my atten-
ton.
There WAS numerous assemblage of persons
in the little Office, some waiting to be eramined,
some for the purpose of investigation. and others
from mere curiosity TO see this singular individ-
ual, who could fathom the mysterious depths Of
human character, by gently passing his digitals
over their astonished craniums. The little gen
tleman proceeded
- Nothing could CRAFTY more, than TO see
the science thoroughly tested
4" Then you have not had the pleasure Of atten-
ding any of the lectures g" said Mr.. Brown.
"0h, yes, sir but you know there is possi-
bility that characters of individuals may be arr-
we'd at by physiognomic physiological obser-
yations or by scanning the dress, manner and
general appearance of the person. Mr.. Fowler
has, on different occasions, consented to make
public examinations while blind folded
''He has. sir; and the result has invariably
proved, to every honest mind, the incontes,ible
truths of this great science
At this ,iuncture ofproceedings, both the spea-
ker and the listeners were suddenly aware of the
fact that the door of the little office was being
opened, and moreover, that real Jonathan was
about to intrude his inquisitive self into the pre-
sence of the learned disciple of Spurzheim.
He was habited in Z mortal long tailed blue"
beneath which a pair of rusty cowhides peeped
forth in all their puritanic glory. On his head
of dirty red locks, sat most antique bellcrown-
ed hat pitched jauntingly to one side, while the
Jonathan wreathed in sunshine of smile, no
sooner opened the door than he oawled out at the
top of his voice, regardless Of all present
90 Feel feller's pumpkin, here, Mister g"
Sir .icrcely CALCULATED the thoroughly dis
gustcd professor.
'*Isay-yeou feel raound amongst fcler's
squash-his cocoanut, you know, said Jonathan,
removing his venerable hat, and shifting his
head with his fist, by way of calculating his in
terrosations-'' to see whether he's got any sense
in him. hey g.
II can manipulate the exterior surface Of the
capital member, to ascertain the peculiar charac-
teristic qualities Of the person under eNamiua-
ton . replied Mr.. Adolphus Brow-u, the phrenol-
ogist, with great flourish ofwo-ds.
.-,Tehu du tell ~ ejsculated Jonathan, starting
back in astonishmcnt. :. Then You amt Mister
Brown the old fernolegy cuss, heyz'
u am Mr.. Brown, sir, the phrenologist."
/ ''oh, yeou be- eh! Can examine Il fellcr's
! head, hc,-ior the dough-, hey -
Il make chronological examinations, sir, re-
piled the genius of bumps.
Charge in advance, ksy" H.
Zone dollar answered Brown.
And forthwith .Tonathan forkedovor the = ral-
ifornia = and deposited himself the professors
great armchair, to be operated upon. @
During the examination, that he purposely
made as verbose and unintelligible as Passibly,
in order to appear OF some magnitude in the eyes
! of the assembled auditors, Jonathan would occa-
sionally exclaim
.Jehu-yeou don't say wall, meow L never
knowed that ar alore mistake, doctor, neyerw as
in all my life. Never knowcd was half 90 0isS
er n feller afore; no heoww ~ &c, DC, always
disputlng the truth OF the characteristic quai
fcations' ascribed him by the ''doctor," much
to the chagrin of the latter, and much to the
meriment of those present.
| When the examination nearly concluded,
Johnathan began to work around rather unconl-
! Portable in his seat, and at lengthexclaimed-
! q say yeou doctor, amt it rather warm here,
Just now? Guess III take off my overeoat."
And suiting the action to the word, he procee-
ted to rid himself of this extensive garment ex-
posing beneath, a suit Of well made fashionable
clothes and then placing his hand on his head
he removed with grace that would have done
honor to John Van Buren, himself, his icig
Why, Judge! is it possible l' exclaimed tht
little gentleman, springing forward and shakin:
the ex-Jonathan cordially by the hand.
Never was a man more completely dumb-loun
ded than Mr.. Adolphus Brown, the phrenologist
as the Judge held up the little dirty wig befor
his astonished gaze, saying, with good humor
ed smile, while a wicked litter ran through til
I crowd:
.Wal, doctor you've gin that ar wig purt
fair character, considering it used to belong
an actor, and meow want you to give me min
If you please Star Spaagled Banner
~ WAC thus eulogizes bis musical attain