Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-03-16
!: ]. .sSNisJtellang,
NV Shirt Buttons.

long continued grievance. IdttOTed man,
seedy, and out-at-elbows, can get his outer in
teguments brushed up, are fine drawn, until
fortune presents him with a new suit; but
sentpAfesscd man cannot get button put on
his shirt these days! No not if he were to
crack his heart-strings in the asking, and were
u rive his woman kind work-boxes of Cal
ifornia gold In guerdOn. Driven, as before
remarked, to the very verge Of distraction by
my wife's negligence, in this particular, feel
Compelled to turn social reformer, and prove
the truth of the great poets aphOrism-' All
partial i'll is universal good Like most 9TH
er reformers, my mind has been led to con-
sideration of the magnitude of the general evil,
by having had pretty bitter taste of 1t In my
individual lot
do not say that my wife is not good wife
in most respects She is an excellent little
woman woman of superior sense and Judg-
ment ; and as such, is very much attached to
me, and thoroughly appreciates my character.
She is a very attentive listener whenever |
talk upon common subjects, or read aloud any
remarkable leader from the newspapers. AS
/ am great politician, she takes an interest
in politics, and enters into all my views and
it is charming to see the passion she will get
into whenever my speeches in the vestry are
badly reported. Besides this, she manages
the house very well and does not look as black
as a thunder-cloud, if happen to bring in
half-a-dozen friends Unexpectedly to dinner,
when there is nothing but leg of mutton
Then, she deserves credit for her method Of
bringing up the children, who are decidedly
the best behaved | ever saw in my life. Yes,
do not deny that, in many respects, my wife
does her duty thoroughly but, she does not
sew on my shirt buttons. can neither coax
nor scold her into remembering the matter at
the right time. She always says, Oh! am
sorry, quite forgot it; or Well never
heard of a man who pulls his buttons off at
the rate you do. 1t must be done on purpose.
1t was only last month that really lost
capital stroke of business by the want of these
confounded, beggarly buttons. | went down
upon an important affair to town to meet
TO decide upon purchase, that If made IN
time, would secure me a neat hundred. L was
called at eight Everything wanted was to
my hand, for my wife had packed my carpet
bag with her usual care-razors, brushes, my
own peculiar soap, clean linen, and all odd
minutinae there Good creature she ls,'
thought |. 'She is really worth her weight
in gold > and was far gone in meditation
on the economy and convenience of matrimony
when I came to halt suddenly-'a a change
came DER the spirit of my dream My right
hand held between its thumb and fOrehnger the
buttonless wristband of the left sleeve. Dis
mayed, seized the other wristband there
was button indeed, but in the last stage of
anatomv-one that would not survive thrust
through its destined hole. made desperate
dash at my throat, and (crowning point of mis-
eryD my fingers grasped a wretched button
that hung by a thread, which they actually
lost the power to snap. You might have
Knocked me down with that button. AS |
threw myself on a chair, my eye fell on the
bell furiously. l demanded chambermaid
with needle, cotton and buttons, Immediately.
Yes, sir; did i not want breakfast No!
no: no! Buttons, and being that can sew
them on Whole centuries passed, it seemed
to me, while that young woman kept me wait
ing, and while she was operating upon my
luckless shirt with her clumsy fingers L sat
like martyr. SOlemnly do protest that
do not know whether that young woman was
pretty or not though in sewing the final but
ton on the collar, her face was close enough
for me to see (near sighted as | any that there
was lurking devil of fun in her eye. Once
she gave me slight prick with her needle I;
and when | started, she begged my pardon,
adding, that it was an ill-conveniency to have
the buttons sewed after gentleman had put
on his shirt / groaned-; it was ten minutes
past nine In vain hurried through the rest
of my toilet In vain rushed like the north
wind to nay rendezvous / was too late, and a
more punetuA fellow got my bargain. Since
then, my wife has never been allowed to forget
I1aI nuu0LcO lOSL anu sue uOSS seem d uILl0
ashamed. / told my story to young friend
Of mine, who was lately married, and whom |
warned at the beginning of his matrimonial
career, as to the importance of buttons to his
shirts Our friend laughed outright, and said
that he and his Fanny had come to split on
that subject already, as should see, if would
give them the pleasure of my company to an
early supper that evening. 1t was to be a
gentIeman's party, and to consist entirely OF
married men. My wife did not approve Of my
going, but / went nevertheless. Never shall
forget what / saw and heard that evening"
found my friend surrounded by half dozen
other friends, all in the act of sewing buttons
on shirts, while his wife sat in high glee
laughing at them.
Here comes another 2 they all cried out
as ] entered. Now, my good fellow said
my host addressing me, and taking up another
shirt out of the basket beside him. sit down
here and sew the button on that collar
What's the joke!' asked very much
amazed. - st.:.- t
-tIt's no joke at ALL said he !; but very
serious matter. We are to have no supper
until every missing hutton il sewed On nv