The Empire County argus., 1854-12-02

place, and took the wsest course to get out. It is
not often he meets with such formidable prisoners.
Doesticks goes to Church " New York.
Having seen the Operas with detcstation, the
Theatres with appreciation, George Christy with
cachinatlon and No. Dey street with athliahon ::
having visited Castle Garden, the Model Artists and
the American Museum; in fact knowing something
OF almost all the other places OF amusement in the
city, resolved to complete and crown my knowl-
edge by going to Church, and hope may receive
due credit for my pursuit of amusement under diff
ticultics | made known my heroic determination
to my new found friends and they instantly resolv
ed to bear me company--Bull Dogge by way of va
ricty and Damphool from force of habit Bull
Dogge seldom goes to Church and Damphool aluays
does.) Sunday morning came, and the aforesaid IN
dividuals presented themsclves-B. d. looking pug
nacious and pugilistic and Damphool perfectly
marvelousin fact, ma lestic as this latter named
parsonage had ever borne himself and Importantly
huge as he had ever appeared--his coat tails were
now wonderfully short, his collar envably
large and independently upright, and his hat so
unusually and magnifcently loftythat he certain
ly looked bigger phool than ever before.
Passing up Broadway, through a crowd ofpeople
of all sorts, Sizes colors and complexions country
men running over every third man they met; New
Workers threading their way through apparently
-get-throughable crowds without rufHing their
tempers their shirt collars; (by the way, have
discovered that no one but genuine New Yorker
born and bred can cross Broadway upon digni-
fed walk y fremen in red shirts and their coats
over their arms; newsboys with very scanty al
lowance of shirt, and no coats at all Dutch emf
grants, with dirty faces nasty breeches, and long
loppy looking pipes Irish emigrants, with dirtNr
faces nastier breeches, and shorter stubber pipes
spruce looking darkes and wenches arrayed in
rainbow colored habilimcnts--we at last reached
the door of the Church, Everything looked so
grandly ginger-bready that hesitated about going
in. Little BOY in the corner (bare-footed, with a
letter in the post ofice,) told to 'go in,' and
called us ''Lemons' Did not perceive the force of
his pomologcal remark but "lrent an," neverthe-
less. Man in white cravat showed us to pew
floor covered with carpet and seat covered with
damask, with little stools to kncel down upon.
Pretty soon musc-organ-so grand and
solemn but generally fast and lively enough for a
contra dance. (B. D. said the player got a big sal
ary to show off the organ, and draw big house }
He commenced to play Old Hundred, (Damphool
should be- but soon his left hand began to get un-
ruly among the bass notes, then the right cut up
few monkey shines in the trebe left threw in a
large assortment of quavers; right led Oft with a
grand flourish and q few dozen variations; left
struggled manfully to keep up, but soon gave out,
dead beat, and after that went back to first princ
pes and hammered away religiously at Old Hundred
a march, marched into a quick step, quckened into
galop; left still kept at Old Hundred; right put
in all sorts of fantastic extras, to entice the left
from its sense of propriety; left still unmoved !;
right put in few bars of popular waltz left wa
vers little right strikes up a favorte polka; left
evidently yielding right dashes into jig; left
now fairly deserts its colors and goes over to the
enemy, and both commenced an animated horn
pipe, leaving poor Old Hundred to take of it.
self. At length, with crash, q squeek, a rush. a
roar, rumble and an expiring groan the overture
concluded and services began.
Kept as cool as could, but could not help look
ing round now and then to see the show Elderly
lady OF my right very devout gilt-edged prayer
book, godcovered fam feathers in her bonnet rings
on her fingers, and, for all know, bells on her
toes" Anticipated gentleman in same slip well
preserved but somewhat wrnkled smells of Wall
street, gold specacles, god-headed cane put three
cents in the plate Fashionable little girl on the
left--two founces on her pantaletts, and diamond
ring over her glove.
Young America looking boy, four years DID, pa
tent leather boots standing collar gloves, cane, and
adolescent moustache, pumps legs a la spermaceti
candles, shirt front embroidered la 2;40 race
horse cravat la Julien vest Ia pumkin pie,
hair la soft soap, coat-tails la bootjack, which
when parted discovered view of the Crystal
Palace by gas light on the rear of his pantaloons,
WflStDanuS la stove plpe, nat Id WIN lrlSliIlt
cane to correspond total effect la Shanghai
Artificial yaung lady, extreme of fashion; can't
properly describe her. but here goes Whalebone,
cotton, paint and whitewash slippers la Ellser,
feet a la Japanese, dress a la Paris, shawl la
eleven hundred dollars; parasol la mushroom,
rngletsa la corkscrew arms la broomstick, bonnet
la Bowery gal, (Bull Dogge says the boy without
buttons on him brought it in a teaspoon fifteen
minutes after she entered the house,) neck la
scrag Of mutton, bosom la bare-bones, complexion
a la mother of PEARL (Damphool says she bought it
at Phalon's, appearance generally, humbug, (Bull
Dogge offers to beat his hat she don't know cab
bage from a new cheese, and can't tell whether a
sirloin steak is beef chicken, flesh, or fish,
At length with another yarette upon the organ
the service concluded | thought from the manner
of this last performance, each member of the choir
imagined the songs of praise would never get to
Heaven if he didn't give them personal boost, i'll
In the shape of an extra yell.
Left the Church with confused idea that the
only way to obtain eternal bliss is to go to Church
every Sunday, and to give literally to the foreign
missionary cause.
Bull Dogge tried to convince me that one-half the
people present thought that Fifth avenue runs
straight into Heaven and that their thought tickets
insured their front seats reserved and that when
they are obliged to leave this world they will find
coach and four and two servants in livery ready to
take them right through to the other side OF Jord0n
Yours, reverentally,
@. r. PHILANDER DoEsTIcKs 7. b.
An attempt was made before the Grand Jury at