Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1854-06-01
YARIETY.

u1-one Of tie females Of New York
seminary, young lady, stepped into the
school-reom the other morning, and COM
mencsd gathering her books, stating that
she was very sorry to be compelled to leave
tho school
Fer what season y mildly inquired her
astsnished teacher
.Oh, was married last evening, that's
allT
why did you not inform me before ?
Fer the simple reason said the bride,
that did not know it myself until during
the same afternoon-he never asked me till
then
~We like Frenchman. H estakes lifo
peilesophically Monsieur ParleyvOus doesn't
care . penny whether be runs away with
your wife, or you with his. If he takes to
she former wrinkle, be INDUCES in ell the
luIuries to be had and if left to the latter
he rakes to the pretty gvisette, with blue
eyes, il the next story above For extract
: ing sunshine out Of every condition Of life,
yeamust put Frcnchy AZ the head Of the
parallogram.
no Ten presented his bill to his neigh
eber Joe for service rendered. The latter
looked at it,and expressed much surprise
at the amount.
: Why. Tom, it strikes me yOu have made
cut pretty round bill, eh B
I'm sensible it's round ohe,' quoth
Tom, 'and have come for the purpose Of
getting il Squared r
NJ The N. Y. Dutchman says, that to
better the condition Of this world, there
should be mere charity aud less aims Civ
ing moro real kindness, and less breken
victuals A good natured wsrd is worth
mere to some men than all the Geld pota.
toes ever cooked. People who send felix's
with . shilling asa slammed doer, will
please copy.
DfThe following verbatim was lately
. received by an undertaken, from the affiiet-
Cd Widower
4-sMr G.aispes-y N; 1;ef j. dada, an uants
u be buried, 'Digg graiv fer hir an shee
shall esm 70 be buried teF-morror at wonner
slsek-you knoew ware to dig it bi mi tn
nther vivs lis it he deep
ns-sShat your eyes and listen nit me-
Veil. de first night open de store. counts
dc monies, ant finds it nix right count
him. aad dere DO tree dollars gone and vat
,iossyer tink does dea ,
~ cant sAy what
Vy, did not count bin any more, and
he comes cut shoost right ever since.
What ! lonely life man leads with
eui wife or children He seems 10 bang,
As il we're, q Loose. dijoinsed member up2u
sssiety,. disconnected from the rest of his
fsllow-bsings, BY all those household ties
which seem 20 form the connecting link to
life.
HTwo Irishmen were going to frs off
cannon, just for fun. but being Of an econom-
ical turn of mind, they did not wish to loose
the ball So one Of them held an iron ket-
Tie in his hands to catch il in and station,
ing himself in trout Of the. loaded piece he
exclaimed to the ether, who stood behind
hslding lighted torch, sTeueh it off gent
~, Jenny
~ Purcell, the famous English puuster,
was asked enc evening to make pun.
upon what subject p said he
The King said one Of the company
The King said Purcell, the hing is no
Salje4.'
EfSsmshedy adveFtises for ager Is to sci
. WORK entitled III ymenlal 1nstructor.'-
The best hyusnial instructor We know Of is
. young vidsw What she don't know there
is no use in learning
CoNJr6ArIvs VEnB "A girl out west
attempting to csnjugative verb said
/ will marry, thsu wilt marry, he will
marry, yen viii marry, they will marry, aud
We will all feed the babies together
Ef-As many writer's have taken the trsu
bic to define what . wife ought to be, we
may as we'll add our idea on the subject to
like the general fund A wife should be
roast lamb-tender and nicely dressed.
g. Aysang Irish student a, the vsssri-
nary college being asked. If krskea-
winded horse we're brought 10 him for cure
what be would advise, promptly replied
To sell him as soon as possible
NJ Al writer il an Irish newspaper after
The wreck Of vessel near Skier.
ries, rejcicsd that all the crew were saved,
except fsur hogshead Of molasses.
~ Is the king Of japan colorsd gen
tlsmaa! Distinctly; who has not seen his
sscutcheen in The siore-windows and his IL
.le.- Warranted Japan black king.