New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1854-04-04
DAILY CRESCENT


on hs Second Pss are /. nsw each
ssr.i ssun. VIII b made win those Who advertise BY
Al aa.sr.I'sa,sass marked viii Paad oath.
ee.lgsa nceoranzy II.
a Bard in Trouble.
A diminutive specimen Of the genus homo,
rejoicing in the compound appellation Of Patrick
Terence McSwitcher, was placed in the dock Of
the Belfast police-of on Wednesday week,
charged BY No. 81, with annoying the public By
his disorderly conduct, and singing songs in an
aproarious manner in Hercules pIaee on the
night Judging from the outward
man, he seemed to have recently been princi-
pal in some g glorious row." in which be had
come off second best, for besides
various cuts and scratches on his face, his right
visual organ was most mathematically encircled
with halo Of black, yellow and purple tints,
vieing in lustre with the colors Of the rainbow,
and his nose, $50 tavern o. war" such barba-
rous looking proboscis, that must be ranked
human noses! Why, in ell sober se-
to do it anything like justice. it
should be classified with cases Of the third vari-
ETY., according to the rules Of Dr. Hutton It
was none OF your Roman, nor your GreciaD, nor
aquiline noses, nor your long, nor your sharp,
nor your fat, nor your pug, nor your cock, nor
anything but its own original style. just as if,
by way of improvement, Prometheus had tried
his hand second time when moulding this
g hapless son Of clay 1t was Of bright fiery
appearance, having small blue spots adorning
the extremity, and puffed up a Ia pincushion
to amazing dimensions, as if proud that its own
er was one of the could Stock Moreover it
seemed as acting from the dictates Of prudence
lit had quietly stepped aside from its natural
position to avoid collision with post or wall,
and had taken up it's residence on the C lar
board side of his cheek, and was determined
to remain there, at least till the danger of its
being broken had passed away. This, undoubt-
edly, was very prudent course. Then the
dress of the prisoner was unique, as his tout
ensemble was attractive. He was encased in
about three -tenths of an old black coat entirely
minus the collar, red waistcoat, not encum-
bered with buttons, but tightly laced with twine,
and pair of trousers that had once been black,
but now variegated with iron colored spots In
one Of the legs there was q deep rent, which,
as he walked, allowed the unrestrained gar
ment to flap at pleasure, giving one-half of him
the appearance of sort Of winged Mercury,
whilst the other presented a calm and dignifed
rigidity. Altogether the prisoner was a rara
apis IN terris, and indeed he seemed to know it.
The constable having stated his charge, the
prisoner was asked what he had to say, and with
the utmost coolness, and amidst the irrepress-
BILE merriment Of the court, he replied in the
following pompous style, which was sadly out OF
keeping with what his external appearance
seemed to Indicate: tf
Your Worship (bowing)- Not having had the
pleasure of a previous acquaintance, you no
doubt eyince a little curiosity, as gentleman
naturally would. on being thus so abruptly and
informally brought in contact with another
Qaughter)--to know who and what am but
before enter into particulars, allow me to oapol-
ogise for reluctantly appearing before you this
mo ysortI f,tt
duties Of the toilet Surveying himself) Ha,
ha, ha! (Great laughterl
Bench-Ap Apologies, sir, from gentlemen oi
your status, are quite superduous; and as Il
the question Of curiosity, assure you I evincs
not the least. Gaughter.)
Bench-But who are you, then
Prisoner-Pa Patrick Terence M'Switcher, tn,
cosmopolitan bard, or non -pensioned laureate
sir, at your service (bowing,) whose reputation
is more extensive than bis resources daughter
land whose living inspirations, ifI err not. viii
attain q higher seat in Immortality than ths
poor soul which poured them forth. (Continued
laughter.)
Bench--May ask, what works have you pub.
lished?
X, Prisoner--My published effusions, sir, are
chiefly confined to ballads Of the Alexandrian
order, the most popular of which are, /" Whew
your sowls to glory and s Molly but you're
long coming"-( bursts of laughter) both d
which have been informed have been trans
lated into the Scandinavian, Double Dutch
and vernaeular. daughter have variety
of manuscript poems, ballads, etc, but they
are intended to be brought out posthumonsly
loud laughter.) ] may therefore well exclain
with the satirist Of old
"Exegi monumentum perenniusa eren
or with his more amorous countryman-- IL
"JAmuus opus Derfeci-- ~ f5sfF "a
-- Nomenque crit indeble nostrum.n
Bench-oh, you know something about Latin
perceive u
Prisoner (stroking his beard - Rather
Laughter.)
Bench--But you cannot be permitted ts
annoy the public by bawling in the streets.
Prisoner--I was singing, not bawling, and
only doing that in the high way which many
of my cotemporaries-particu Moore and
Wordsworth still do in their garrets Ioud
Laughter.1 May be permitted to interrogats
the constablei
Bench--Certainly.
The constable was then called upon the table
and the prisoner, in the most ludicrous manner
imaginable, drew himself up to his full height
(about five feet four inches) to question him.
Prisoner with arms kimbo)-Turn round
sir and behold the man whom the resiliency o
your conscience is endeaVoring to immediate
(Laughter.) Is that so
Constable (astonished)-I don't know wha
you mean.
Prisoner-Precisely in that case, then, yol
must be grossly Ignorant, ha, ha, ha eh
Constable Laughing be not so much al
you think.
Prisoner---Well, then, let us see May I asl
have you ever studied human nature, if 80
whether practically OF metaphy ysically' (Laugh
ter)
Constable hesitatingly = Metter6scally
cloud laughter,)
Prisoner-What s-ehl- Metterfscally, you
said? learned functionary your knowledge
lperceive, Of human nature is co-extensiye with
the profundity Of your requirements in Meter
fsios. (Great laughter a,5
Constable--You are humbuggin' me now
With all your larnin' may be I'm as cute as you
You are askin' unfair questions. They have no
thing to do with the case.
Prisoner--Come, answer inc again You say
was singing in the streets what were the pecu
liar sensations you first experienced when tn
fortissimo passages operated upon the tympanun
Of your auricular organ loud bursts 3
laughter.)
Constable (sarcastically know abou
you is, that you're a common ballad singer, an
the most troublesome about Smithfeld fCon
tinued laughter
Prisoner--Go down, sir (Laughter)
Bench Ito prisoner) You must be imprisoned
forty-eight hours in the House of Correction.
Prisoner-Would your Worship favor me witt
the sentence of transportation, and I'd carry {
letter tn that const tah hla,c fathpY. and hrothprS