The Rutland County herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1852-1855, 1854-12-15

cho'y paihosi
"fweaaes bliss
Ia sing snsiss.
whsas's fsey ioAae slnr efH.
and solennly concludes mot without rea-
saul that Il were better To have remained
single, than to zee all that he most loved
perish from his fault"
MAIDS dyspcp,ic and bachelors can iarn
about without seeing the consequences Of
their own misery reflected, ~ in mirror.in
the faces Of those who arc looking to them
for bread in short, all that the former feels
from that soursc, the latter knows not Of,
He or she are apt TO fancy enough a, such
times, bat they can laugh all such imagin-
ings TO scorn. Let the married dyspcptic,
if he doubts this, turn TO that inward tribu-
nal-=which, lest the visionary may suppose
means heart or conscience, may as well be
called by its right name--the stomach.
"Aheml" said. with half ironical
smile, but with a small nod he went night
on.
"Marriage and self-murder, have, from
time immemorial, been applied as remedies
for obstinate cases of disease, mentioned
or unmenlio rcd in both the physical and
moral Matena Notwithstanding with
the most trivial, and ending with the most
fttal-Love. Cupid, dare say, never yet
aimed u shaft at the possessor OF an un,am-
cd stomach. If he himself ever Suffered
from disordered state OF that organ, from
often sufeiiing at the Feast of Love, il is
easy enough to guess the reason why he
has failed TO speed the fatal shaft or if that
be not so, j, is because he has learned by
experience that the attempt TO wound would
be useless.
"Suicide has been often called TO aid
one in getting rid of this incubus, and love
md dyspepsia have nike suffered the ex-
IRENE penalty consequent upon their trans
gressions, and that too from means which,
in power and terrible effect, shames the
whole army OF nostrums wherewith the fac
ulty oppose the progress Of fatal malady.
"Btters the patient may attempt to roll
as a sweet morsel under the tongue, if he
chooses, in the faint hope of thereby get
ting lighter head and lighter heart
They may cure him or they may not. Let
him try. The advertisers say they will cure
diseases too numerous to MENTION He
believes it,perhaps, but while he reads their
curative qualities he must re-
member that his disease can assume as
many shapes as the most versatile quill can
depict, even though it be driven by the
most ingenious quackery. Headache, stiff
joints, acidity of the stomach, qualms.--
but pause from want of courage to 60 on.
Legion is the word, and Shakespeare, had
he lived in modern times, would have made
an exception in favor of Dyspepsia, when
discoursing so eloquently upon the power
Of the fear Of DEATH"
you have described the disease" said
snow for the remedy--that follows natur-
ally"
"Ah, you are too hard for me now" he
replied. 81 shall venture to oblige you 80
much as to decline offering even an apollo
gy for not attempting TO perform what the
ablest have considered next to impossible,
and shall only refer you to the advertising
departments of the Times, Herald, aud Til
b,ne, where YOU will find recorded to the
great pecuniary gain of the printers of those
sheets--of which ! am glad to hear, as |
profess more than ordinary interest for the
noble profession to which they belong) the
opinions of Doctors Sweat, Physic, and 9th.
ers, who have undertaken, in consideration
Of certain dollars, dimes and cents, to en-
tighten all inqmrcrs after truth in this par.
ticular department in the destructive art
Of healing'"
"As 10 yourself" began to say, when he
interrupted me with the one word " Nature"
but short butchers apprentice Just then
entered and presented him bill Of fifty DOL
lars, for a ,oeeA's supply of those dclicacies
which dysPepsia-deiying epicures have
praised as the most desirable of pleasure
giving food and, leaving him in state Of
abstraction, consequent upon its prcsenia-
ton, went slowly away to fulfill an mp
pointnent.