Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1854-02-24
Humorous Variety.

"A joker says that cords of wood given to th,
poor are recorded above.
"A ~nswly-married man declares that il he hac
on'y an inch more of happiness, he could not live
HI; wife and sister are obliged to roll him on the fool
s sis, spa. him with . shingle every day, to p even,
How melancholy the moon must feel when il
mas enjoyed the fullness Of prosperity and got reduced
to its las. quarter.
a Yankee has invented a machine that will
churn, pump water, and pound clothes; and when
complete viii milk tho COW, get tea, and whip the
children.
-"Have you any limb horn bonnetss' inquired
a very modest miss of . shop-kesper.
"Aoy watt"
"Any limb-horn bonnets 2,
Canyon don mean leghorn I"
Inc young lady was brought to by the proper resto.
a western editor thinks, that il the proper vsy
OF spelling tho is though" and be is "beau," the
proper way, he thinks, of spelling potatoe to be,
poushtsig ateaux.
Tbisrsminds US of the way in which a contractor
on the Canal once spelled OFT ava, in directing : letter.
viz: "Aughtyweigh! I"
-"What are you doing there, Jane" ssWhy,
p:. I'm going to dye my dolls phi afors red." "But.
what have you to dye it with 7' "Bser, pa" "B,er
who ON earth told You that beer would dye red %
Why ma said Yesterday that il was beer made your
nose 90 rcd and thought that-sHere, Susan,
take this child to bed"
-Hers's some of the horizontal musings Of .
drunken lsafer-
Leaves have their time to fall,
And % likewise have /;
Toe reason too's the same-ital Ill
Comes of our being DRY.
But here's the difference tWixt leaves and me-,
l fall more harder and moro frequertlee.
I.Do you think appear As we'll At . party a.
"Yes, Though I never have taken particular notice >,
0NOV. n atlv tall Northumberland yor9 M
"Io be sure LII tell you honestly il i tell yen at
"wsll COW, I'm anxious to know, wien do you think
when you are at home minding your own busi-
Old Downs aesounu for the strange freak some
OF ,rr city bucks havo taken, OF wearing shawls. 20
follow: Che Of them attended . party, accideni ally
got drunk. and In leaving mistook . lady p shawl (
his cloak; in vi ich hablimsnt he was seen upon ~
sifess- This was Immediately taken By some a. IN
OF . new fashion, and followed aeer
dinsly.
"a big boy who displayed Along dangling watsh
"What's the time, Josiah p"
He drew hs watch very ceremsniously, aud after
Il Tanning 1t q while, referred to another and asked
els this . 6gury nine or 1even Z"
He was told that it Was a s'6gury seven"
"Weii, then, says Josiah, sit lacks Just about
al inch Of eight !"
There is . man in this city whose memory is
shsrt that it only reaches to his knees. His fest |
IRE 50 On. Of the reach Of 1t, that be can't remembsr
from day to dsy. whether be was paid for his bosh or
at. Tne shoemaker says hsstill owes for them, but |
ns don't recollect . word about 1t himself. What o
PITY 488fg 100 60
We very much admire the church ~warden's
wife, Who went to church for the 6rst time in her life
sheh her husband was church warden. and being some
vaat late, the congregation we're getting mp fs m their
Ines ct The time she entered, and she sid With Q
west understanding smile. "Pfsy, keep yoar seats,
adiss aad gentlemen . I think no more Of mysslf thar
did before"
The nan who "horoWsd trouble he's setusued
} ut wtheUt any expomieo ee thankA