The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1854-11-15

! up there'?--yeS very emphatically.
w hat is your comparative situation p
am in the second sphere; hope soon t.
get promoted into the third, where the
/ only work six hours day, and have ap
pie dumplings every day for dinner
good bye--wife wants me to- come ,ant
spank the baby. One, of the old foozle
now wanted to talk spirit--was gratifieC
by the remains of his maternal grand
mother, who hammered out in serie
of forcible raps, the gratifying intelli
4 geuce, that she was very well contented
and spent the most of her time drinkin,
green tea and singing Yankee Doodle
Damphool now took courage, and sung
out for his father to come and talk tt
him-(when the old gentleman was alive
he was g one of 'em J" Jon demand, the
4 father rcame-interestingc conversation
old man in trouble--lost all his money
betting on horse race, and had iust
pawned his coat and spare shirt to gel
money to9set himself up in business
again, as a popcorn merchant-(D Damp.
hool sunk down exhausted, and borrow
ed the brandy bottle.) Disconsolate
widow gets, communication from her
husband that he is great deal happier
now than formerly-don want to come
back to her-no thank youAwould
rather not Old maid enquiries if hus-
bands are plenty-to her great Joy is
informed that the prospect is good Lit
tie boy asks if when he gets into the
other world he can have a long tail coat
mother tells him to shut up-small
boy whimpers, and says that he always
has worn short jacket, and he expects
when he gets to Heaven, he'll be bob
tail Angel, a'at 'l =
Damphool's attention to the bottle
has treasured his spirits, Che is easily
affected by brandy-one glass makes
him want to treat all his friends-when
he has two bumpers in him he owns a
great deal of real estate, and glass No.
3 makes him rich enough to buy the gus-
tom House,) and be now ventures anoth-
er inquiry of his relative, who shuts him
up, by telling him as soon as he gets So
Der enough to tell Maiden Lane from a
lighthouse, to go home and go to bed.
Went at it myself inquired all sorts
of things from all kinds of spirits, 'black
spirits aud white, red spirits and grey"
Result as follows: BY means of thumps,
knocks, raps and spiritual kicks, I learn
ed that Sampson and Hercules have
gone into partnership in the millinery
business. Julius Caesar is peddling ap-
pies and molasses candy. Tom Paine
aad Jack Sheppard keep billiard table.
Noah is running canal boat. Xerxes
and Othelloa are driving opposition stages.
George Sd has set UP q caravan, and is
waiting impatiently for Kossuth and
Barnum to come and go halves. Dow,
Junior, is boss OF a Methodist camp
meeting. Napoleon spends most of his
time playing penny F" ante y with the
three graces Benedict Arnold has
opened larger bier saloon, and left
vacancy for S.. A, Douglass (white man
John l5unyan is clown in a circus. John
Calvin, DIR. johnson, Syksey, Plutarch,
Rob Roy, Davy Jones, Gen. jackson,
and Damphools grandfather, are about
establishing a travelling theatre, having
borrowed the capital, 1.-TWO per cent. a
month h)--they open with, g How to pay
the Rent" DIR. johnson in fancy
dance; toconclude with Widows Vic
tim,p the principal part by Mr. Pick
mAShs4 OO AdS Ou6 bilS
Devil, and is going to. convert Tophet
into a. Mormon Paradise. Shakespeare
has progressed in his new play as far as
the fourth act, where he has got the hero
seven miles and half up in balloon,
while the disconsolate heroine is hang
ing by her hair to a limb over a pre-
cipice; question is how the heroic lover
shall get down and rescue his lady -loEe
before her hair breaks, or her head pulls
off. 5i.t, .,- al t-..,.-----.
Spirits now began to come without in
vitation like Paddles to wake. Soul
of an Alderman called for clam soup
and bread and butter. Ghost of news
boy sung out for the Evening Post. All
that was left of Bowery fireman want
ed to know if Forty had got her butt
fixed, and new inch and half nozzle
Ghost of Marmion wanted dish of soft
crabs, and called out after the old fash
ion, to charge it to Stanley. Medium
had by this time lost all control over
her ghostly company. Spirits of wait
ers, soldiers, tailors, Damphool trem-
bled, babies, saloon keepers, dancers,
actors, widows, circus-riders, in fact all
varieties of obstreperous spirites, began
to play the devil with things generally;
the dining table jumped up, turned two
somersets, and landed with one leg in
the widows lap, one in Damphool's
mouth, and the other two on the toes of
the sanctimonious looking individuals
opposite; the washstand exhibited strong
symptoms of desire to dance the Jen-
ny Lind polka on Bull Dogge's head
the bookcase beat time with extraordi-
nary vigor, and made faces at the com
pany generally; our walking canes and
umbrellas promenaded round the room
in couples, without the slightest regard
to corns, or other peddal vegetables
while the bedstead in the corner was ex-
temporizing comic song, with a vigor-
Gus accompaniment on the soap dish, the |
wash bowl, and other bed room crock
cry. IL ~ 80,
Bull Dogge here made rush at the
door, and dashed wildly down Broadway,
pursued, as he AYERS, to this day, by the
spirit of an Irishman, with pickaxe, a
handsaw, aud ghostly wheelbarrow.-I
Concluding / had seen enough, [ took
Damphool, and B D. s bottle. (empty, or
he would never have left it,) and went
home, satisfied that there are more
things in heaven and earth than are
dreamed of" except by lying me
dsupss," so-called; who, too1azy to work;
and too cowardly to get an honorable
living by stealing. adopt this method to
sponge their bread and butter out of
those, whom God, in his mysterious wis
dom, has seen fit to. send on earth weak