Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1854-12-27
HOW THE DdaFoR TREATED
TfEM.

'SWG evenings slnct which brought tc
mind one in whichke participated some
] years ago, in the Z Fn Of W., in Illinois
and for want of ANYTHING better to write
about, we will give brief account of it
There was, an old Ankee doctor, Bap-
list deacon and q stFt temperance man,
oy the name OF } r. 9ho took the strange
notion into his head to marry a second
Time, his first wife hiring died about two
years previous to OF acquaintance with
him. We only give te initials, as the af-
fair we are about I'd relate is an actual
tact, and the gentlemh alluded to is ve-
ry eshmabIe and woGpy man, and par
ticularfrien of ours t'e....7 IS, -
The night of the wElding arrived, when
all the youngsters GoFniles around assem-
oled to greet the newly married couple
with cow-bells and tihpans.' In addition
to those musical instFments, gong-sheIIs,
horns, dumb bulb (this instrument is
made by drawing Pece of leather over
a keg. the head havirp been knocked out,
and a wcll-waxed stf g passed through
it, and by drawing th fingers along the
string it creates n Sse resembling the
believing Of bull ttties, penuywhis-
ties, old broken violinS and in fact every
description of articles make noise, and
to render. as much as pssible, might hid
eous.' The doctor bore it patiently for
an hour or two, when lie came forth de-
claring, with closely com pressed lips and
a pause between each ord expressive Of
determination
IL vow if you young Eascals don't stop
this music, will become very angry, and
may possibly lutlct some dlnJury upon your
persons with my shot-g un we'll charged
wish salt"
But the boys 'wern't bit scared re-
plying, that they had'n4 been raised in
the woods to be scared by the hooting Of
an owl, and that he III st treat, or they
would never let him lEst. 10 make
long story short, after considerable dis
cussion between the patics, and grand
overture by the orchestt IA after each par
ley, the doctor finally cayed in telling
them
"Boys, l VOW cannot eltcr a rum-hole
or doggery, but if you reurn tomorrow
night l will treat you," pkcins particular
stress upon the word 'treit.' This salts
fed the boys, and they returned to their
homes little after midnight.
The next night they all nLurned, instru-
ments in hand, determined if the doctor
did not stick to his promie, to regale him
and his bride with another grand concer-
to a la Julienne. But hey were not dis
appointed. He had pt tOcured three gal
Ions Of Port wine, somj cake and cheese,
Of which the boys partdp pix lreel y, and then
left the doctor, wishing him "a long life
and ducks rest rhe latter, neither
he nor they were destAcd to enjoy, as the
sequel will show.
They had not proceeded far on their
way homeward, whei one Of them eX-
claimed:
"Oh-h. 1 believe 10 getting the choI-
era, Jake"
"What's that you 4 5, Tom? Oh, my
bowels p
"And mine, "and nine" said a dozen
at the same time.
81 believe that infs snal doctor has poi
soned US. Oh, my simach p
"Oh-oh- BAH Rohoo --ho--ho," "
bawled out big luFteriy lummox, who
looked as if his 'ma9 9mE didn't know he
was out 81 feel al had swallowed
dozen cats and the had all got to fight
ing. Let's go back the doc oh,
my!" at the same tim 4;lasping both hands
on the pit of his stont tch.
They finally startds back for the doc
tors, he being the OBJ physician in town;
but they had by this lime thrown away all
their instruments, al he was, therefore,
greeted with entirey different sounds
| from those which hatlisturbed his nights
repose. In suppIcGing and beseeching
tones they called bon him to open his
door.
ooh dear, good &ind doctor, do let us
in; we never will SO no more; we are
all dying, indeed Se-boohoo hO p CHI
med in about twenF voices by this time,
as they had comnnced returning from
all directions.
This was kept U for about an hour
The only change ! the notes was an oc
casiOnal heave, ltch, grunt, groan, or
sigh, as the tartafemitic with which the
doctor had drugge the wine, would be-
gin TO operate. bout this time the doc
tor raised his bed'oom window, and as
his old night-cap Fecame visible and re-
came greater, buthe very coolly remark
cd
| "Go home, mygood boys, it will be all
right in tho mor9ng-there'Il be no dan
ger of'you having the ague this fall; all
tue bile vii be Of your stomachs, and the
cholera oft of sour dispositions-good
n;ght;" sailing Which, he retired from the
window ah! weh to bed. This exaspe-
rated tie Pung hopetfuls, and one of item
bawled-
"Let's one the house, smash his doors,
and breal his win-oh!" he exclaimed,
as he was seized with another spasmodic
pain in ttI stomach. and totally unable to
finish thesentence.
The id tor finally came out and admin
istered Boothing antidote of some de-
scription which had the effect to relieve
them, fol which he charged them one dol.
| l. -, oIy D.