The daily Minnesota pioneer. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1854-1855, 1854-06-24
Going West.

ern illinois will readily endorse it. If Eastern
men would find home where none of the mis-
cries described in this article exist, let them
come to Minnesota, and then judge for them
selves:
JACKSONVILLE, Ill.,, May 10, 1854.
In your paper are some inquiries about the
West, made by men in the East which shall
take the liberty of transcribing and replying
to in my own way. The article, it appears,
was copied from the New Y ork Tribune but
as first noticed it il your paper, l send you
the reply.
TO my personal knowledge, the West has
been flooded with just such queries, for the last
twenty years, until we are heartily tired OF
them. We know by.experience that if we tell
the truth in the matter, about the agricultural
facilities of the West not one in ten thousand
of all those who live in the East, and have new
err been fifty miles from home, will believe it /;
of course, it is a matter of Indifference to many
what they believe.
The first question comes from Cambridge
port, Mass, and reads as follows:
(Which is the best time for going West,
spring or autumn ~
The best time for going West is when you
have the most money about yon. ond tho least
fear of losing it. If you come in the spring,
you are sure to shake yourself to death before
fall, with the ague. If you come in the fall
you may live until spring if you don't freeze to
death before you get here. II you come at ALL
you had better get your stomach lined with
waterproof cement, so as to be able to digest
corn bread, bacon and whisky, for this is all
we have to cat, except few French frogs and
bilious looking tadpoles, which we catch when
the river runs down.
Second question:" What part Of the West
Grafton the healthiness of the climate?"
A variety of opinions about that, my dear
fellow. Our Senator, Mr.. Douglas, says Ne
braska is the best. So it is, if you want to go
into the stock business, raising an unruly kind
Of mixed cattle, that will stray to Canada, in
spite of the compromises of 1920, 1850, or
Senator Douglas Or, if you want to specu-
late in papooses, white scalps, and get your own
scalp taken off scientifically, go to Nebraska
by all means. If you want to play poker for
living, or set up whisky drinking for bust
ness, live on corn bread and bacon week days,
and slippery elm bark and tadpolcs on Sun
days, come to Illinois. If YOU want to go
where they don't have no Sundays or nothing
to eat, only what they brought from the East,
60 to Iowa or if you want to 60 to grass, 60
on all tours, and do as other kinds Of cattle do,
60 to Salt Lake.
Third question" Does the fever and ague
prevail much in Wisconsin ?"
OF course it does. Nobody out West is fool
enough to ask such question. Every body
shakes, even the trees; you can't coax crab
apple TO stay on when it is good for anything.
1t will shake man off the bed, kick him out
of doors, and shake the bedstead at him until
he gives it up.
Fourth question" How long does pre-
emptiOn hold good?'
That depends on circumstances. If you have
good RHO, ond know no" tv use II, you have
one chance in ten that you may live till you
starve to death. But if yon can't stand fire
and are not good shot and quick one, take
my word for it, you had better tarry in Jer-
cho until your beard he grown; they are all
much too smart for you up in that neck of
woods.
Fifth question" Is land to be had in the
northwest part of Ohio for 81 ,25 per acre, and
is it good?'
That's all fudge, got up by spectators to
gull green horns like you and me, for to the
best of my knowledge and belief Ohio was worn
out ten years ago. The whole business Of the
railroads in warm weather is to carry back
persons who have been fools enough to come
West. All the business that the railroads had
the past winter was carrying dirt into Ohio
from Michigan, to raise few beans and oats,
to keep the folks from starving to death next
summer.
AS to the land in the northwest part Of
Ohio, it is eighteen inches under the water for
most of the year, and will probably be worth
Sl,25 per acre, when watcr-snakes and copper
heads bring as much per barrel in the New
Y ork markets as potatoes are worth per bush
Ell in Alton.
And lastly, he wants reliable information
a short article in your paper relating to the
he wants to go to a healthy loca-
lion, decent land and fair water.
Exactly. Why, my dear sir, there is no
such thing as reliable information out West,
unless you pay well for it. A lawyer won't
ell the truth unless you give him five hundred
dollars, and even then you can't believe halt he
says.
A witness won't tell the truth in court I'M
eSS you first scare him half to death and make
Inn swear that he won't lie, and then neither
re nor anybody else knows whether he tells the :
ruth or not. The preachers call us an invete-
ate set of Sinners but from what l have writ
en- to you, you must know we are pretty
rood sort of people.
Ii you ask a miss of stout, blooming sixteen ,
or kiss, she pcttishly says no, when every ,
BODY knows she means yes, of course.
On the whole, if You feel obliged by our
short article" so do l. Ii you want to go
o a healthy land, stay at home, and don't be a
DOL like myself and come out West. And as
Or dece.a land, why, my dear fellow, what do ,
ou mean! You must know that all our wild
'rairle Is very indecent, especially when it is
'urnt over and left as naked as it was born
lis true, nature weayeS sort of tig-eaf apron
very summer out of a coarse kind of grass,
'ut 1t soon gets burnt OFT, and is as indecent us
yer.
And fair water, we have none; it is all a
bilious compost Of liquid mud, dead buHaloes,
md rotten rattlc-snakes.