Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1854-04-01
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smoky chimney" After the disputants
had concluded the debate, spectator arose
and begged the privilege of ol"makinga few
remarks on the occasion" Permission
being granted, he delivered himself in this
way:
"AIr. President: I've been almost mad
a listening TO the debates OF these ere
Youngsters. They don't know nothing
at all about the subject. What do they
know about the evils of scolding vile!
Wait till they have had one for twenty
wears, and been hammered and Jammed
and slammed all the while; and wait TIL
ihey have been scolded because the baby
cried, because the fire wouldn't burn, be-
cause the COW kicked over the milk, be-
cause ilraned, because the sun shined, be-
cause the butter wouldn't come, because
the old cat had kittens, because they came
too soon for dinner, because they were a
minute too late, because they tore their
uowsers, because they invited women TO
call again, because they got sick, or be-
cause they did anything else, no matter
whether they couldn'thel it or not or be-
cause they didn't do something else, no
matter whether they could or not, before
they talk about the evils OF scoLding wife;
why, Mr.. President, Id rather hear the
claucr Of stones and hammers on twenty
tin pans and nine brass kettles, than the
din, din of a scolding wife. Yes stree,
would; to my mind, Mr.. President, a
smoky chimney is no more TO be compar-
ed to a scolding wife, than little niger
to dark night"
Mrs. Parlington is anxious to know who
is this Nebraska Bill, that the papers are
quarrcling about, and how it happens, if
Senator Douglass is his real father, that
he isn't called Bill Douglass, instead OF
/ Nebraska Bill The old lady thinks
that Nebraska is a nickname, as old Nick
seems to have had something TO do with
the bantling's getting up.
Suoobledyke lives in the country, and
recently commenced going to singing
school. He heard the teacher say some
thing about "two beats in a measure"
when he eagerly rcmarked--"if he means
half peck measure, the beetS must be 4
darned sight bigger than the onss we
raise for it takes half dozen Of them TO
make a measure ~
Some years since, an Englshman,
whose pronunciation was tlnged with
cockneyism, was sent to preach 10 the
wicked and bcnighted Hoosiers of the
village of Elkhart, in Indiana, which
GreeIy calls "a tidy, vigorous borough,
with a future before it, and thus COM
menced his discourse
'HinablIanls of Hell kart, come TO the
halter
Dad, if was to see duck on the
wing, and was to shoot it, would you lick
me ?
'Ono, my son, it shows you are good
marksman, and | would feel proud of
you
We'll then, dad, pumped our old
drake as he was nyin' over the fence to-
day, and it would have done you good TO
see him drop
"A few days since says an American
writer-'our blood boils as We write it
several smacks was taken by British ma
val officer in Boston harbor; aid what is
worse than all, the smacks were taken
from a young lady. Where's President
Pierce ?
i would not marry an eastern man, III
had to live an old maid all my he ex-
claimed buxom country lass. why
not !'' demanded her astonished cOmpan-
ion. because every paper you pick up
contains an account Of the failure OF the
eastern mails
a story is going the rounds, Of party
Of ladies' who were caught in shower,
having the color washed from their checks.
4 lady at our elbow thinks the color Of
some Of The gentlemen's noses could not
be washed out with water spout!
One Of the German almanacs remarks
that" "A young glrI is fishing rod the
eyes are tie hook, the sweet smile is the
bait, the lover is the gudgeon, and mar
rage the butter in which he is fried
Some genius suggests that the names
Of most Of the Russian Generals ending
in oTis very expressive Of their recent
military movements.
The oldest firearms are the arms Of an
ardent young lady. We may add, in
whisper, that they are frequently the
most dangerous
When you happen to have no dinner.
and no money to buy one, just sit down
and read cookery book. Capital feast OF
Imagination, that.
The last instance Of modesty is iha,
Of a lady who refused to wear a watch in
her bosom, because il had hands on it.
An Irish e<hIleman lately foosbt a duel