The Yazoo Democrat., 1854-09-06
Niagara FaTHs.---Doestf on a
BENDER.

nng Post,' is one Of the richest specimens OF
humor we have perused for some time -
Dear Editor:-I havo been to NIAGARA,
you. know Niagara Falls; big rocks, water,
foam, Table Rock Indian curiosities, squaws,
moccasins, stuffed snakes. rapids, wolves,
Clinton House, suspension bridge, place where
the water runs swift, the ladies faint, scream,
and get the paint washed off their faces;
where the aristocratic Indian ladies sit On the
dirt and make little bags; where All the in
habitantsi swindle strangers; where the cars
go in hurry, the waters are jmpudent, and
all the small boys swear.
When I came in sight suspension bridge,
l was wildly impressed with the idea that It
was some bridge, in fact, a considerable curl
osity, and a considerable bridge--tooka glass
of beer, and walked up to the Falls another
glass of beer, and walked under the Falls
wanted another glass of beer, but couldn't
get it: walled away from the Falls, wet
through, mad; triumphant, victorious, hum
bug-humbug sir, all humbugi except the
dabbliness Of everything, which is most
certainty, and the cupidity Of every body,
which is a diabolical fact, and the Indians
and niggers everywhere, which is Satanic
truth.
Another glass Of I,eer-'twas forthcoming
imnediately-also another, all Of which II
drank. I then proceeded to drink glass Of
beer, went over to the States whore procur-
ed glass of beer: went up stairs, for whicI
I paid q sixpence: over to Goat Island, for
which disbursed twenty-five cents--hired o
guide, to whom paid half dollar; sneezed
four times, at nine cents a sneeze; went up
on the tower FOR quarter of a dollar, and
looked at the Falls; didn't feel sublime any,,
tried to, but couldn't; took some beer, and
tried again, but failed; drank glass Of beer,
and began to feel better; thought the waters
were sent fer and were on a journey to the
-; thought the place below a seao beer;
was going to jump down and get some
guide held me; sent him over to the hotel to
get glass Of beer, while tried to write
some poetry-result as follows:---
/ O thou lspray in one eye) awful,
lobster IN right shoe1 sublime (both feet wetl
naasterepeies Of (Jililfneuey. wfat lfe}, Tie
Almighty. Terrible. and majestic arttIseu in
thy tremendous might awful (orin9 to be-
lhold, (cramp in my right shoulder) gigantic
huge, and niceI Oh, thou that tumblest
down and risest up again in misty majesty to
Heaven-thou glorious parent Of thousand
rainbows-what huge, grand, awful, terri
bic, tremendous, infinite old swindling ham,
bug you are; what are you doing there, you
rapids you-you know you've tumbled over
the rocks, and can't get up again to save
! your puny existence; you make great fuss,
don't youa
Man came back with the beer, dra1k It to
the last drop, and wished there had been a
gallon more-wallzed out on rock to the
edge Of the Tall, woman on shore very much
Ifrightened-I told her not to get excited if l
fell over, as I would step right up again--it
would not be much Of fall anyhow-got a
glass Of beer of man, another of a woman,
and another Of two small boys with pail
fifteen minutes elapsed, when purchased
some more of an Indian woman and inlbibed
it through a straw--it wasn't good-had to
4 get glass Of beer to take the taste ont Of
my mouth legs began to tangle up, effect
of the spray in my eyes, got hungry and
wanted something to eat-went into an eating
house, called for plate Of beans, when the
plate brought the waiter in his hand took
lit, hung my beef and beans on nail, ate my
hat, and paid dollar to niggor, and sided
out on the step-walk, bought boy. Of glass
of dog, with small beer and neck on his
tail, with collar with a spot on the end
felt funny, sick--got some soda water in tin
cup, drank the cup and placed the soda on
the counter, and paid for the money full ol
) pocket-ve very bad headache; rubbed it against
the lamp post, and then atumped along sta
ton house came along and said if didn't
90 straight he'd take me to the watchman =
tried to oblige the station house-very civil
!; lstation house, very-met baby with an
Irish woman and wheelbarrow in it, could
MT get out Of the way, she wouldn't walk on
! the sidewalk, but insisted on going on both
lsides Of the street at once; tried to walk be
tween her; consequence collision, awful
knocked ont the wheelbarTow's nose, broke
1.-THE Irish woman all to peices, baby loose
court-house handy, took me to the constable
jury sat on me, and the Jail said the magis
trate must take me to the constable object.
4 y IL 1.-,.o.aa-s ,<,.k -, .wt- IL