Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-02-15


ITO meeting
"Why, what day is it,
Sabbath day"
Sal! stop washing in minute ,--Sabbat
day Well, did not know for my husbau
has got so plaguy stingy be won't take th
papers now. and we know nothing. We'll
Who preached 2"
"Mr B."
"What did be preach about?'.
1T was on the death of our Saviour"
"Why, is he dead Well. all Boston Nigh
DO dead, and we know nothing about it. i
won't dove must have the newspaper
again; for everything goes wrong without th,
paper Bill has almost lost his reading. aut
Polly has got quite mopish again, because sbt
has got no poetry or storiosito read. Well 4
we have to tax e cart load Of potatoes and
onions to market, I'm resolved to have news
paper!'
B@-"Will you do me favor?" asked
George Brooks of bis wealthy friend, Simon
Hanson.
"Wbas is it ?" says Hanson.
Il wish you to lend me hundred dollars,
sir" replies George.
Call at my counting house. rejoined Han
son.
George was not long in paying bis respect
what security can you give me. young
gentleman ?" asked Hanson
My own personal security, SIR
VERY well, go in here, says Hanson lifting
up the lid of a large iron chest
Get in there" exclaimed George in as
constituent, "what for p
"Wby, that is the place where I always
Keep my securities"
,Ras=A fellow from Kentucky went the
other day into the store of fashionable NIL
liner in Canal street.
Have you any skirts ?" asked ne.
Plenty of all kinds" answered Madam N.
What do you ask a cord p said the chan.
"A cord?' replied Madam ".
es-i want about cord-up in onr
qq'ggins the petticoats and things has gin out. |
see you advertise CORDED Shirts and
shought while my baud was in Ia take what
you had corded up"
The milliaer tainted
MarA few days since traveller stepped
into bank, and Immediately after bis entrance
pulled Oh bis hat. coat aud cravat. This done
ne east look at the cashier, who was seated
In corner, calm as summers mornino ard
with commanding shake of the head said
hadn't you better be gettin' that ere wa.
ter heated p GIG wa
The teller Informed him that he was in the
wrong shop" You are in bank sir no.
10 o barber shop.
Bank cd " calculated the stranger. "danr
me- they told me it was sharing shop"
fGy-At hotel, short time since q DIR,
enquired of a gentleman at table if his Gun
was out
NO." said he 'but my coffee isl
The poor girl was considerably confused
but determined to pay him in his own coin
While at dinner the stage drove up. and
several coming in, the gentleman asked ;.
docs the stage dine here p
mo, SIR exclaimed the girl. in sarcas.
tic tone, but the passengers do"
p1-"Look 'ere." said tipsy individual
who was banging by lamp post, look ere
didn't you know that you'd no right to 90 by
me in that wayY"
why not. my friend p asked the person
addressed who recognized in the tight un,
an old acquaintance
Because ic-hc-hic-it's apio Tho
law" 'e'' 'ns
against the law p
v"Wby, you used to know Bill Nelson, when
ne was--a highly different individual to what
ne now is,-and there's big law agin pass
ing an altered Bur-
asT,Sammy, my boy, what are you cry
ing for ~
BILL hove the bible at me and hitsme on
the head"
"Well, you are the only person 10 nv fam.
fly on whom the bible ever made the least i'm J..
preston"
BT-Two lrishmcn were in prison-onc
Tor stealing COW, the other for stealing q
watch.
Mike" said the COW stealer, one day
what o clock is it?'.
"Och. Pat haven't my watch handy, bu
think il is about milking time
Pat felt colc'd
Be1-"Father." said roeuish boy, Il hon,
you won't buy any more gunpowder tea 70
mother"
"Why not"
because every time she drinks 1t she blow
me up"
Bg-A sailor, looking serious in cbape
in Boston, was asked by a clergyman if b
felt any change whereupo, the tar put hi
hand 10 his pocket. aud replied, Not darne
cent !"
nD-A young fellow being ABOUT to joi
the church, when under examination was ask
cd il be loved the brethren. 40 be sure
do, ! lore the brethren and the sisters, toe
Sally Rowland in particular"
RGy-A genius az the South who has ha
the whooping cough for six months past
about to open cooper shop. He thinks b
shall have hoops enough TO last for q year
rJ-Boys are like vinegar--the NOR
mother" there is in theu the sharper the
become.