Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1854-02-17
.MAHIN. < CT EMENS.
y IHWT ~
For the Journal.
A leaf from an Unlucky Mans Diary.
.. 1iItn Ia By a wRrrcH.

ssaiItA Ia BIZ a WRETCH. .lssdw 90
ram an unlucky man From my birth hl
70 this day, my life has been one continued
ohspser of misfortunes. When a boy,
teok my meals from pewter pla,es, cups
&c.; for il 4 touched tea-cup or any othe1
description of crockery ware, it only leftmy
hands to fail to the floor and be shattered
to pieces, and my reward for such mishap'
was. solitary confinement in my mothers
eleset the rest Of the day, with no other
supper than as'feast of reason' and-a
fow or tears. At school, I most unfortu.
nstsiy qunrreled With the masters son,
"Kckea shin soandly, sand was Dismissed
fer my trouble. IS ate 81 ia-dW ssid9
When my. face began to show signs OF
beafd, was put with d lawyer to learn
rsscslity generally, and, as Swift says, "for
certain sum Of money, to make people
believe black TO be white, and white to be
black, &c." had not been with him two
months, when, BY, peglccting to give him
message in season,-which lad been left in
to him, and lost my place. a aua 4
81 once stepped into 4 theatre, and took n
seat In the crowded parquet. The play,
Which was !. good one, and we'll performed,
progressed md as was lover of the
drama, I grew excited, apd deeply interest,"
ed in the piece. was in feverof impa-
thence to witness the grand finale, and sat
with eyes intensely riveted on the stage ;
ms my side WAS s,rucK with a part OF the
performances which he thought particularly
worthy of applause, and in an instant my
'peer corn. covered toes were crushed lee
meath q 70 It which a respectable elephant
nigh. be proud er. Igavc him no time 10
repeat tho dose !; l seized my hat, and curs-
ins my i'll luck, viii. aching tees Joined
The crowd and left the house. But was
,n6t to get viY. so easily As passed out at
,sh. first dopr, a lady in great hurry rushed
idy me !; MS |slsr passed me, down came my
N,slusky font upon she skirt of her iopg
dress. Rip "Trip tesr tear and in an IN
ssant hnu OF her garment lay up the
A.,sr; and thers, surrounded Ivy the je rim,
crowd, in the bl.xr of the. gns, she gsyeame
NJ tongue shlns | shall never forget. In
.nnoth sr minute her hasl,,nd was AT her s'de,
lprepsrci 10 finish the nnnihilrti"n ~ ably
lb.yun 40 apology vniii su.Hcr for SO
ta.grans ..p.nIenct nsr lit he give me- tlme
10 j. AXE one lalt in,o mn. he pitched like
steam engine; an nov, j ar,lly discussed.
Il darted threugh the door AMI ru>hrd
-amsnssts th. crowd outside, where might
have 'been safe if had quietly remained
sther-. But allltt once thereMa a commo-
etian in the theatre. ana mnn rushed ont,
vslng .' top thief - In an instant the
whole troap tonk up the cry. l,thinkng
anly OF my ,,.vrr-eading Ill luck, and there
fore expecting Of ali others TO be the first
accused pf theft or ANYTHING else that could
+. d. me harm, thoughs il hest to get ont of
,,he way as qulck a. possible; so, fool that
Wa, / left my place of safety, and started
down the street at brisk trot "rhere he
goes stop thief stop thief! = yelled the
asnds, and in the twinkling of an eye, the
whsle pack wsre at my heels, making din
,suf6eiont to frighten Comanchc Indian
.at Of his wits. This put wings to my heels,
and flow down the street at such a raie
/, thai coulln't count the fire plugs on the
!. corners. thought 70 practice little
strategy, lay which to elude my pursuers
I SO into an alley Idodged. and before knew
gwhers was was most awfuliy griped in.
, the rear by alafgeb bull dog, which quickly
satisfied me that no matter how much out
Of my reckoning with regard to my locality,
I was certainly not out Of danger! Apo,
@liceman, however, who had not lost my
track, came to my assistance, and released
ms from the jaws Of the dog, for the pur-
poso of,surrendcrins mo to the less merci-
/, full jaws of the law. 4yte
h was locked up for the. night, and the
I,next morning was brought up to answerthe
.charge of stealing. a man appeared
sa.ninst me, and charged me with stealing
This hat the evening before, a, the theatre.
4 denied the sssoft impeachment" and re-
!qdcsted my hat to be brought TO me, that
i might prove it to be my own, property.
The hat wore when brought to the station
. was handed me, when, i was struck dumb
on discovering that it wasaot mine. When
I left the theatre, had in my hurry and
svexation, picked up my neighbours hat
q Without noticing that il. was not my own.
The gentleman's hat was very fine one,
and he wa: determined not to lose it With
sont an effort so he raised the alarm that
caused my downfall. q So se.sss4s y
- TIE Judge, who was a dutchman, COM
i sspassionatsly remarked that 81 'spose as dis
is de mans first offence, couldn't hang
him, nor stick him in de Jail for life; but
s .lll yoost make him pay like der teufeln'
I I. Yea! and can bear testimony that he,
: kept his word and did make me s'pay, like
der teufel !" and now completely satisfied
s,that 7 iwns doomed TO misfortune, left tho
court room ywith light purse and heavy
,shsast visor and a poorer man. And now
I may as well make an end to this narration
Of my misfortunes, but will close with the
! fact That While assistips my rich aud ,gouty
old uncle down stairs no. many months
esince, nv foot slipped and we both rolled