Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-01-18

l)i. auo Gunor.


clergyman, who was bit Of humorist. II
oucc took tea with lady Of bis parish, wi
prided herself much upon her nice bread, an
was also addicted to the common Tick Of Dc
preciating her yiands to her guests. AS SD
passed the nice warm biscuit to the reyeren
gentleman, she said they were not very good
she was almost ashamed to offer them, 81
The minister took one looked at it rather du
biously, and replied They are not as goo
as they might bep The plate was Instant
withdrawn, aud with heightened color the la
dy exclaimed. They are good enough 70
you." Nothing more was said about tb
biscuit
rSg~" Teller citizens" said candidate f.
legislative donors, Pm candidate for th
Legislator, and as all good republicans shou
do, will give you my views Of matters ant
things in gineral The generality Of mankint
in gineral -ginerslly speaking. are most gin
orally in favor of republicanismi SO am |.
am also in favor Of liberal appropriation o
the public funds for building bridges | an
also in favor of expropriating money for tb,
gineral scattering Of the Scriptcrs. Yes, fel
Ter citizens, these is my convictions, and i
there is no chick RE tchicanery) used In
the election, [ am bound to be elected to the
Legislatoor."
s1g~"Will you help me cut of this hole p
said travelling druggist, who had just been
compelled to stop bis team in mud hole, be
cause they couldn't pull it out.
mo, can't stop" said Yankee, who
was heavily loaded, and was fearful that he
would be late at the ears
"a W ould take it as great favor, besides
paying you,' said the former.
"What are you loaded with p said tue
Yankee,
Drugs and medicines" said he.
well, guess I'll try to get you out, for
| am loaded with tombstones"
They we're seen travelling together after
that.
Gsy'A passenger en- board ship bound
for California. states that they had on board
a thin and feeble member cf their company,
who had been sea sick all the way out to the
line. One day this man went to the doctor,
and in sad, supplicating tone, accosted him
with
Doctor, can you tell me what | shall be
good for when get TO San Francisco. if
Keep on in this way %
'sTell you? to be sure [ cam You're
just the man We want to begin graveyard
Nth r
lGgAJohn was thought to be very stupid.
He was sent to the mill one day, and the mil
Ter said:
John, some people say you are fool =
Now tell me what you know, and what you
don't know
WELL replied John, 4 know millers hogs
are fatn
Yes, that's we'll, John. Now, what don't
you knowY'
Il don't know whose corn fats EN- %
BSy~Miss Martneau tells story of an old
woman who was urged to cross the river Forth
in a ferry boat at the time that storm SEEM
cd brewing
She hesitatcd; the boatman asked if she
would not trust to Providence
Ma, ma said she, Il will ma trust to Prov
idence as long as there is q bridge at Stir.
ling
a9~A passenger on the mail boat from
Louisville not in the habit of ''indulging,"
found himself somewhat under the influence
of Old King AL Being asked how be came
to drink SO much, lie replied -"Why, the fact
is gents, (hc) the river has got so low Chico
the captain has forbid the use Of water as
beverage is none to spare
Esg-A man in Philadelphia is subject to
such fits of abstraction, that if you we're to
meet him in a crowd, be would probably alb
stract your watch itom your pocket. and make
off with it. He would then be seized with
such fit Of absence, that you might look az
ter him for a month, and he would never give
you chance of finding him.
ESyA young man was eularging to lady
friend on the character and qualifications of a
young lady, who was a mutual acquaintance.
The youth. wishing to commend her goodness
of heart, laid his hand upon the region Of bis
own heart. and said, she is all right here"
"Ob. fudge" was the reply, that is hall
cotton!'
RGsS~The editor Of the Kentucky Flag
says: We witnessed two important day:
while in Washington. The first was The
Fourth Of March the other was march forth
The first was most interesting-th latter
most solemn.
gxy~"Don't stand there loafug" said
professor at Union to three students, stand
lag where they shouldn't.
Were not loa6ng,' said Nat, "there ar
only three Of u.s. and it takes 'leayen to max
a loaf"
R4g-A tipler called at one Of the Nev
York Hotels, and asked for a room with fou
beds in it. He said BIO usually retired s
drunk, that he could not find the bed unles
there was one 10 each corner.
Ray~Some one wisely remarks, that IN
dust affects the eyes SO much as gola dust
We might also add, that no glasses affect tb
eyes more unfavorably than glasses Of brandy
nJ-A thief who lately broke open gro
GERS warehouse, excuses himself on the pie
that be merely weut there to take lea
sszg~The young woman who was driven
d;straction, now fears she will have to wal