Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1854-02-03
How One may feel when about to Die

evening had felt fatigued and lanpuid. and
anxious TO seat myself comfortably in my arm.
chair. A little after ten O'Clock l saw the
last Of the persons waiting for me, and instant.
y felt myself unwell. went up stairs, and
threw myself on my bed. In few minutes
felt inexpressibly i'll. The first sensation
was an amazing weight on the chest with diff.
tculty OF desperation; the carotids of my
throat striking like hammers on my head, and
feeling as though torrents of air we're rush
ing into my brain, and tho head were itself
expanding. The agony became insupporta-
Bile, and knocked for some one to come to
me. Meanwhile my mind acquired wond.
derful vlvacity. Thought upon thought came
pouring in with distinc;ness sofapprehenson, of
enlargement Of view, and faithfuness of mem.
ory, such as never before experienced. A
power to comprehend my personal indenti,y,
and to understand my relation TO time and
eternity, was wonderfully given me. The
passing moment seemed without beginning or
end. l felt as though immortal faculties, i'm
mortal relations, were beginning to be recog-
nlzed. The thought began to stagger me,
that the hand OF death was grasping the
cords of life. With TIE thought, darkness
thick, palpable darkness, gathered on my soul.
mountain load seemed to crush my breast.
II was girt, as with bands ofiron. My heart
felt too big for its wonted space. A horror of
anguish filled my whole being. Unnumbered
sins sprang up before my astonished consc.
ence, and Death in his terros rose up TO nv
gaze. Look where would, there was no
hope. One wide, unbounded ocean of dismav
and terror. lashed with :empestous howlings
roared on every side; and the thought of An
offended God pierced my soul with madness
and despair.
In this state lay for hours Meanwhile
my sister alarmed By my knocking, had come
and found me speechless. Others of my
friends were sent for, then medical attendance
Recourse was had to remedial measures; but
| still grew worse. The night passed, and
the morning found me the same. A painful
y vivid consciousness of everything going on
around me- added greatly to my distress. The
first faint glmmer of light that broke into my
soul was when the name of Jesus vas uttered
With the very thought Of that name the hope
Of mercy was allied, and like drowning man
| clung to that hope. In the agony of my
soul called upon that name and in the
meanwhile, finding that one of Gods servants
Mr. M. senior) had entered the room, | felt
new hope. as if the very presence of man
of God was source of safety. He bade me
look to Jesus. Faith in that holy name rap.
idly gained the ascendant. My darkness was
turned into light, and in a shor! time l felt
sweet sense of the pardoning mercy of God.
After this, grew better, and all my symp-
toms remitted, till felt nothing except the
lAnguor resulting from the violence of my pre-
vious sufferings.
Towards the evening, however, a relapse
took place. with phenomena essentially diff
ferent. Beginning with the same contract ion
of the chest as before, there followed tetanic
spasms-a violent jerking Of the upper part
Of the body from side to side, interrupted by
quiet intervals, sometimes by complete rig.
idity of the neck and spine. So sensitive was
TO touch, or 10 the impression of breath of
air. that the approach Of any one evincing an
intention to disturb me would throw me into
convulsons; and suspecting tetanus or hydro
phobia, tie three medical attendants inquired
whether had been bitten by dog, or had
sustained any mechanical injury. With short
intermissions, this state Of things lasted four
successive days, till my strength was nearly
exhausted. Towards the close of the fourth
day. and during the succeeding night, my
eyes were upturned in their sockets | retain
ed not the slightest power Of voluntary brea-
tting; was incapable of speech; and the at
tempt to swallow a drop Of water brought on
spasms which threatened suffocaion.
During all this period was possessed of
perfect consciousness; nor had / any pain
pfnl IL, H..
bility of resisting the convulsive movements
OF my body, and the fearful construction OF my
chest. At first was. as it were, mere spec
iator and observer of the symp,oms-think-
ing and even reasoning upon them and when
abstracted from their consideration, felt
that | could calmly med tate on Gods mer.
cies. had no painful conflicts about nv
state. but settled serenity tranquility for
which could scarcely account. unless from
the conviction that my salvation was sure.
But during the last night Of this stage, ex-
perenced wonderful evidence of a world 10
come. My friends were assembled at various
distances around my bed. The curtains were
drawn, and a candle yielded its obscure rays.
| heard the sobbngs of my relations. knew
that they looked on my life as fast feetng.
was myself convinced tnat sn0ulQ not re-
cover. had pictured my body carried to
the grave, and had marked in my minds eye
all the attendant circumstances. Mentally
had taken leave Of earth, and lay in perfec.
peace, assured of my salvation. A dead ST.
lence now reigned around; and as l wait
ed the momen! Of my final change. it was an
intense and deeply absorbing thought that
soon the great scene would be revealed.
Whilst lying thus. l thought heard a gen.
tie knocking. My soul started in expectation.
Inwardly exclaimed, al come, Lord Jesusl"
Relapsng into quietude, felt all but dismis.
sed. 1t had the effect Of so far arousing me,
that | got power to speak, and call TO my kin
dred. who came around me in surprise and
anticipation. ! took leave of them. l told
one to be watchful. and spoke to the others,
till power Of speech again forsook me. AS
lay. drew my hand 10 my breast to examine
its beatings; felt they were small and weak,
and was content. for should soon be in an
other world. was even anxious to die, for |
feared lest living again. might lose wha.