The Empire County argus., 1854-12-30
Correspondence of the Argus.

JoHNTowN, Dec. &C. 1854.
Mr. ARGUS We live in progressive age an
age of telegraphc progress in politics morals and
religion; reform, reformation and improvement is
the order of the day. The Nebraska and Kansas
bill comes driving along like an avaanch sweeping
the cobwebs from the Constitution, and brushing
'old fogies into oblivion with the besom of destruc
ton. Know Nothingism steps in to regenerate the
tree of politics NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. breathes joy
and comfort into the huts of misery, annihilating
the long calender of social evils and crime.
'Ah! Brandy, Brandy bane of life,
Spring of tumult source of strife,
Could but half thy tell,
The wise would wish thee safe in hell -
We have the doctrine of Womans Rights too, de-
signed to elevate the fair portion of humanity in
the civil and political scale to grade of equality
and why not A woman sat as Chief Justice in
the Court of Kings Bench in the reign of Edward
ILL., the chief nurse in the family of the Car of all
the Russas is general, Victoria is Queen of Eng
land and women log-roll members of Congress for
renewal of the patent on Colts Revolvers. Joan
of Arc commanded armies and girls in modern
times lead armies at the end of their apron strings
requiring obedience with their pretty eyes, correct
ing, even, the vagares of an editor.
The eyes of fish are not constructed like the
human eye owing to the refraction of light in
water. The eye of the eel is different STILL being
provided with extra coat to protect the pupil
from harm when on voyage of discovery at the
bottom of pond. (The eel is slippery fish. }
The eel goes to the bottom and into the mud in
pursuit of food The eye of lady goes straight
to the recesses of the heart and frequently into the
bottom of your purse, and is provided with foun-
tam of tears.
Lord Byron had fit about curls and said
''Down her white neck long floating auburn curs,
The least of which would set ten poets raving" "
60 my pile on lips, Mr.. Argus--I am reminded
of the 'black eyed girl" [ met years ago on a
bridge.
"Swect, pouting lips, whose color mocks the rose"
You have tasted strawberries Shakespeare was
sensible man when he said
''Teach not thy lip such scorn for it made
For kissing, lady, not for such contempt
have made great and valuable discovery. 1t is
to kiss lady, and she, at the same time never
think of dodgns. Did you ever visit tunnel =!
A tunnel is hole in the side of hill running hor-
izontally into it, and employed as approach to a
mine. Well, ladies' and girls especially, are very
curious, desiring to every thing under the
Hence they will jump at an invitation to visit a
tunnel and go readily. Form small party and
select tunnel four feet wide and four feet high,
dry at the entrance. with foot of water in the
bottom twenty yards in the hill CA gentleman
would not allow lady to wet her feet y When
you reach the water offer to carry her over it. The
proposition accepted begin the delightful task and
with the first three steps (stumbe a little) begin
kissing three steps more, continue kissing Stumble
again, the adhesiveness will be more cordial no
danger of 'dodging' because there is no room to
dodge, the least refractory motion would plunge
the slippers plump into the water or bump the
head against the rocks in another direction The
exercise can be continued ad hbitum by taking one
step forward and two back occasionally. | saw a
practical demonstration of this the other day in a
tunnel near Georgetown--the party going out of
the hill through dry tunnel, the ladies over
heard TO say that they preferred visiting tunnel
with water in it, which proves my discovery to be
invaluable. desire you to keep this private until
obtain patent for | have doubt can amass
a fortune by the construction of tunnel in Tee-
graph HILL at San Francisco, and selling the secret
of kissing made easy" kissing is pretty easy
now.) The method will be Immensely popular
and receive notices from the press and enco.
mums from the ladies universally. am informed
that several members of the Legislature will expend
800 each in testing the plan I charge half cent
for each kiss or 10000 kisses for S100) and vote
for an act giving me a whole mountain to be devo
ted exclusively to the business.
The Major says my discovery and plan is the
only one of the present century worth fig, and
that the Pacific Railroad with ten thousand loco
motives, compared with it, would not make shad
ow. Several friends suggest the project of leasing
the basement of the Capitol at Sacramento, this
winter, and think suitable stream of water can
be introduced with the aid of the water works to try
''kssing made easy" on small scale. They be-
leve furthermore that the Legislature will be
to appropriate few hundred thousand dollars as
an encouragement to the discoverer and to insure
the erection of State Kissing University. If His
Excellency Governor John Bigler should kill the
appropriation with an executive veto, | can easily
persuade San Francisco Grand Jury or Court of
Sessions to purchase and make me donation of
Telegraph Hill for gallery" The Steamship
and Stage Companies will also contribute largely
I 4 l.