Plymouth advertiser. [volume] (Plymouth, Ohio) 1853-1988, 1854-01-14
Niagara FallA


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DEAR Nh. EDIroR III have been 10
Niagara. you know, Niagara Falls, big
rocks, water, foam, table rock, Iudian CD.
riosisies, squsws, moccasins stufEkd sfiskes;
rapids, wolves. Clifton House. suspen'
sion bridge, place where the water runs
swift. the ladies faint, screaps, and, get
the paint washed of their faces, whore
the arislocratic Indian ladies sii IN the dirt
and make little bags, where all the, ,iahab,
iiants swindle strangers, where the cars
90 in hurry. the walters are impudeni,
and all,he small boys swear.
When 4 came in sight of tbs suspen.
sion bridge, / was wildly impressed with
the idea that il is some bridge, in fact
considerable curiosity, and considerable
Of hridse--,ook glass Of beer and
walked up to the Falls, wanted another
glass OF beer but couldent geti and walked
away from,be Falls, wei through, uisd;
triumphant, victorious, humbugi except
the dabliness Of everything, which is
diabolical fact, and the Indians and mig
gers everywhere, which are satanic
truth. Another glass of beer--'twas
forthcoming Immediate, also another. all
of which drank. I then proceeded to
drink a glass Of beer. went over to the
States. where I procured glass Of beer
went up the stsirs, for which paid
sixpence, over to Goat Island. for which
I disbursed twenty-five ceiits-took
glass of beer, which cost ten cents. hired
a guide to whom I paid half dollar.
snee9ed four times at nine cents . sneexs,
went up on the tower for q quarter Of a
dollar, and looked st the Fnlls--didn't
feel sublime any--tried but couldn't
took some beer and tried agsin--failed--
drank glass Of beer, and began 10 feel
better--thought the waters veto sent for,
and were on journey to the --.
hought the place below was one vast seS
Of beer--was going to jump down and
get soma--guide held me--sent him over
| TO the hotel for glass Of beer, while I
tried to write some poetry-result d fol-
| lows,
o.hou! [spray in one sys1 awiu, and
(small lobster in right shoe) sublime
(bc.h feet wet) masterpiece Of (jimmetty,
what lie) the Almighty. Terrible and
majestic art thou in thy tremendous might
awful Il orfuer to behold (cramp ii
my right shoulder) gigantic, huge and
nice Oh thou that iim6lest down and
risest up again 10 misty majesty to Heav-
on thou glorious parent Of million Of
rainbows: what q huge, grand. awful,
terrible, tremendous, Infinite old swind.
ling humbug you are; what are you dS.
ing down there. You rapids you; yoI
know you have tumbled over The rocks
and can. get up again to save your puny
existence +; make a grea. fuss, don't YOU!
Man came back with The beer; drink Il
up to the last drop, and wished there had
been a gallon more, walked out on rock
10 the edge of the fall--tsoman on shore
very much frightened--told her tot to
get excited, If | fell oyer / would stst,
right up again, j. would not be much Of q
fall any how, got glass Of beer Of
man; another Of woman, and third Of
two small boys with a pail; 6fteen min.
utes elapsed, when I purchased some
more Of ali Indian woman. and inbibed
it through a straw; il wasn't good, had Il
get glass 10 take the taste Oat of nv nv
mouth; legs began to ,angle up ]; effect
Of the spray in my eyes got hungry and
wanted something to cal ; wen, mo 4 a
eating house, called for I plate or bsef
and beans; when the plate btohsht lie
waiter in his hand took II; hunt iip my
beef and beams on nail ID, iiHy hai,
paid the dollar : nigger, and slided out
on the step.walk, boughta Boy Of i piass
of dog with a small beer and neck 81
bis tail. end a collar with white spot on
the end ; felt funny, queer, sick; rot
some water in tin cup !; drunk the cup
and put the soda on the counter, and
paid for the money full or pocket yefv
bad headache; rubbed il against ! lainp
post; I; better--so put on my hat ;on !
lamp post, and stumped along; station
house came along, and said il / didn't 70
straight he'd take me to the wa,chnsi:
tried 70 oblige the station house.
civil station house, very; met ! baby Win
an irish womnn, and . whsel.bsrfow il
|it--could'nt get out Of the way-shs
wouldn't walk in the Sidewalk, but In
sisted on going both sides of ihe slrts.
atonce !: tried 70 walk between her. con
sequence. collision awful -knocked III
the heel-barrow's sye, brok6 ihs lliSh
woman q! to pieces -bsby lopse court