Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-03-22
lllit an0 flnmor.


mans as teaches TO draw 10 six easy lessons
Artist am, sir; whats that to you?
Cabmau Vel, BY dam, ish try tree week
more harder as noting, for to makes dis AMI
NAL draw, aad be gets all ayile no more better
as ne vas. Vat ! pay you, eh !?
nssy-Snoobledyke lives 10 the country, ant
recently commenced going to singing school
He heard the teacher say something abou
1.-TWO beats in measure, when he eagerly re-
marked--''if be means half Peek measure
the beets must be darned sight bigger thar
the ones we raise, for it takes half dozen o
them TO make measure =
DETWe once saw young man bravel,
turning up the glass--he was free hearted
glorious fellow --and WIS, he said, sowing bis
wild oats. We afterwards saw policeman
hauling miserable drunkard from the quite,
to the tombs. Tho wild oats were being
harvested.
EGJ Meeting negro on the road. with
"a Grape on his bat, traveller said - You
have lost some friends, see'
Yes, Massa'
WAS it near or distant relative :?
sWell. putty dissant--bout twenty four
miles. was the reply.
ExFThe latest case Of absence Of mitd
was that of a young lady 10 Portland, who
was sent by her mother to buy pair Of
shoes, and instead of 5uying them, married
the shoemaker. 1t was a week before she
discovered her mistake and even then she did
not cry about il.
RGgf. Some years since an Englishman,
whose pronunciation was tinged with cockney-
ISM was sent to preach TO the wicked and
benighted Hoosiers of the village of Elkhart,
in Indiana, which Greedy calls "a tidy, vigor-
Gus borough, with future before it, and
thus commenced his discourse
Inhabitants of Hell kart, come to the hall
ter
EsyP'D Dad, If | was too see duck on the
wing, and was to shoot it, would you lick
me p
% no. my son, it shows you are good
,marksman, and | would feel proud of You
well then, dad, pumped our old drake
as be was flynn over the fence to- day, and it
would have done you good to see him Drop
Rsg-An eccentric beggar thus laconieally
addressed a lady: "Will you, ma am, give
me drink water, for am so hungry don't
know where to stay tonight {" We doubt
whether more meaning conld be embodied in
SO few words.
Bs1~'A few days SINCE says an American
wrlter--'our blood boils as we write it-sey
eral smacks was taken By British naval Of
ficer in Boston barbor; and what is worse
than all, the smacks were taken from Young
lady Where's President Pierco?'
Raj would not marry an eastern man
It had to live an old maid all my life" ex.
claimed buxom country lass. "Why not p
demanded her astooished companion. BE
cause every paper you pick up contains an |
account OF the failure Of the eastern mails" !
Bxg~A lady, who had travelled for pleas |
ure, being asked how she was pleased with |
the Natural Bridge in Virginia, replied that
1T would be very nice bridge when it was
done, but i was not qnte finished when she
was there"
rs1@A story is going the round, &C. par
ty OF ladies who were cacght 10 shower
having the color washed from their cheeks. =
A lady at our elbow thinks the color of some
OF the gentlcmcn's noses could not be washed
out with water spout.
E<I~"Why did you not pocket some of
those pears! said one boy to another mo
body was to see"
Yes there was--I was there to see NV
self, and don't ever mean to see myself do
mean tbiog!'
eSse0ne ofthe German aimanacs remarks
that "A young grill fishing rod the ewes
are The hook, the sweet smile is the bait, the
soVer Is the gudgeoa, aud marriage the butter
in which he is fried
sS5~" Biddy. has that surly fellow cleared
OH the snow from the pavement ?" AYES
sur. "Did be clear it off With alaerity. Bid
dy! y mo, sir; with Shorel"
bgy-ln list of premiums awarded at q
county fair, reporter gave under the head
of domestic articles" Best bed comforter
Miss Harriet Sheldon"
Il Foul Comparison - Young gentlemen
who dress 10 light pants aud bob tail coats
have received the appelation of "Shanghais."
sy-Some genius suggests that the names
of most of the Rassion Generals ending in of
is very expressive Of their recent military
movements.
FsJ~"l don't know what to DO with my
feet, said apassonger. endeavoring 20 squeeze
into crowded stage. you had better
leave them in the boot, said TIE driver.
gsg""Tbo oldest firearms are the arms of
an ardent young lady We may add in a
whisper, that they are frequently the most
dangerous"
BE- Queer, that two Of the best things il
the world, when put together, should Sc the
,worst-a Miss and fortune. Ii you don't be-
lieye 1t, try couple years worth.
ne" Adam had one great advantage over
all other married men which has been lost to
us with Paradise he had no motAer-ia latc
nGs~ SAL" said lisping Bill elf you don't
lovo me, tbay tho; and if you love me and
don't like TO thay tho, squeeth my bandth.D