The Empire County argus., 1854-12-23
Doesficks hears the Street Preaching.

started for the seventy nine State of Rhode Is
| land where they shngle the houses all over, out
side and in, and put the windows in the roof where
they make their rail fences out of cobble stones
where the ducks roost the fence and hatch their
young ones in the tops of the cherry trees; where
the men look so much alike, their wives often kiss
the wrong individual. (Damphool says it's way
women have the world over) Went to the city
Of Providence, where all the make jewery,
and all the women believe in spirit rappng where
| they have got Il bridge wider than it is long and
Nlacadamized on both sides where all the plaster
busts of great men have grey wigs on where they
light the gas in the middle of the afternoon where
they drive five horses tandem; where the apples
grow as big as washtubs and the oysters obtain
the enormous size of three cent pieces Went into
! the woods after chesnuts; couldn't find any, but
! discovered magnificent tree in the distance-re-
j0iced exceedingly thereat-started for it-thres
quarters of a mile away went ahead over stones,
bitches. fences briars. and stone walls until at last
| reached it, and found it was an elm, no chesnuts
on it-got very mad; walked round the State
couple of times and took the first train for homo.
Glad to see the old place again
Saw big crowd in the Park-inquired about IL,
and was told the usual Street Screeching was going
on-waned to zee the fun-got good place Q
fat lrishman's toes. Enter Gabriel-tin horn-hola
in his pantaloons Bull Dogge says that if angels
have wings they are also provided with tals-hence
this last item) thought it extremely probable
Gabriel mounted one end of the City Hall steps,
and after preliminary overture on his horn, and
a slight skirmish among the faithful, resulting in
four black eyes damaged nose, and broken leg
the religious services commemorate DamphOol
was entirely carried away by his sympathies for
this last martyr, but discovered that the frac-
tured member purely vegetable" as the pa
tent medicine men say, and the injury speedi-
y repaired by means of a few sbngle nails and
piece of capboard) Gabriel went in to win, but
spite of the sancty of his and the holiness Of
the aforesaid breeches he not permitted clear
field. A female, with bosom undressed in the la
test fashon-petticoats Damphool says skrticoats)
not immaculate stockings, through the texture Of
which her delicate ancles were plainly visible to
the naked eye-whose hair resembled molasses can
dy, while a nose symmetrical as OvergrOwn sweet
potato and in hue not unlike the martyred lobster;
and whose teeth reminded me forcbly of the"crags
and peaks mentioned by the man in the play
took up her station tie other end of the steps.
She like Gabe, went in for giving the Church Of
Rome Jesse" but otherwise did not agree with
him. Did not seem willing to go to Heaven by his
conveyance, but claimed to have discovered some
KIND OF northwest passage some exclusive path
cross lots = and she advocated her right of way
with all her womans power of tongue-in fact, they
agreed only toerably y--"Arcades ambo"--both Co.
lestials, but Of different breed--(B D says that
sometime since they joined issue on the Devils
head, one ascertaining that he has horns and the
other maintaining that his birthstone friend was o
muley-but they both pitched into the Pope abus.
ed all foreigners. denounced the Church of Rome
and walked into the affections of the Catholics gem
orally talked learnedly priests. nquisitons, dun
geons, thumbscrews, martyrs converts, Dunneries,
and other luxuries, being the only legitimate off,
spring of the mother of abomnations, the scarlet
woman; and in fact, seemed to be having the field
entirely to themselves when 10 a change came
DER the spirit of the gospel show for in the midst
of the crowd suddenly appeared. third combatant
his classic dress and intellectual face gave unmis-
taxable evidence that he from the Gin of tho
Ocean" With the dignihed and ma este bearing
peculiar to some of his countrymen he slowly
mounted the steps, and took position directly be-
tween the two. and in Il voice strongly tinctured
with the ''sweet brogue' announced himself as
champion of that much slandered gentleman the
i Pope of Rome. At this astoun ling impuJence the
woman for single instant held her peace. Gabe,
was so taken aback that he seemed about to col
lapse. played adlibitum" nterlude on the tin
horn and all hands pitched in (as Miss Agnes
Robertson says! Gabriel commenced the onset by
asserting that the Pope is not strictly bachelor,
but has white wives in his parlOr, thirteen
ditto bound in law calf IN the library hundred
and forty-one golden haired damsels IN his private
apartment, and perfect harem OF lefty beauties
in the cole hole.
Petticoats followed by saying that he breakfasts
on Protestant babies drinks whiskey punch out Of
a Protestant cergymans skull has abducted
Protestant virgin to black his boots; 6fty-seven
Protestant widows to dig his potatoes and hoe corn,
anu tnat lie Tolls ten pms every AFTERNOON with tne
heads of Protestant orphan children.
! lrishman Indignantly denied all--said the coun.
try is going to the old Knick, and some fine morn
ing we shall wake up and find that the Pope una
bic longer to endure our perverseness has sunk
all forty miles deeper than ancient Sodom; said
that his Holiness send US all to perditjon with
one wink of his left eye that he is the head of the
Church earth has all the power to save or 9TH
erwise, could get all out ofPurgatory and send
us all 'kitin into heaven by waggng his little
finger; that he could like Joshua No. 2, make
TIE and moon stand still ; make the planets
dance astronomical rigadoon cause the. hills
and mountains to execute mighty geological jig,
while old ocean should beat the time against the
blue vault of Heaven, and applauding Angels en-.
core the huge saltations.
Gabe said he didn't believe the yarn. Pettcoats
remarked something about the Star Spangled Ban.
ner being always right side up.
Irishman proceeded to describe the future home
of the happy in another world, as place where
there would be plenty of potatoes, and oceans of
genuine whiskey.
Symptoms of free fight now rapidly developed
into uncivil war. Petticoats got mixed up with
the crowd, and presently emerged rather the worse
for wear, barefooted, bareheaded, hair down, nose
injured by collision. eye in mourning, mouth bloo-
dy, and her whole appearance reminding me of the
''sow that hath eaten her nine farrow" (I forgot
who penned this opposite quotation and asked Bull
Dogge, who, being excited by the fray angrily
serted that it is by Nero or some other id old