Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1854-09-27
A Mistake in the Weight.

tanned degree of rotundity which would
have enabled him to FILL respectfully, the of.
flee of alderman.
Andrew stood five feet eight in his stock
ngs, and weighed one hundred and forty five
pounds--a very respectable weight-within
which he endeavored to keep himself by the
free use of vinegar and other acids which are
reported to diminish any tendency to pineuid-
ity.
Andrew was in the habit of weighing him
self once fortnight, in order to make sure
| THAI he was not transgressing proper bounds
| He had been absent from home rather more
than week, and just stepped out of the cars
into the depot, when his attention was arrest
ed by an instrument for determining the
weight.
Mechanically he placed himself on the plat
form, and adjusted the weight to one hundred
and forty five. To his surprise he found this
not sufficient
With an air of alarm he advanced it five
pounds-still Intellectual. Imagine his con-
sternation when the scales fell at the hundred
and seventy five.
''Good heavensi'' said he to himself. There
can't be any mistake about it---I'ye gained
thirty pounds within thelaSt fortnight. Twas
afraid it would be SO. 1t was so with my faith
er before me. At this rate l shall go beyond
him in few weeks.''
He entered the house with an air of settled
melancholy upon his face, which excited the
fears of his wife who had come forward to
greet him after his absence.
''Why, Andrew-Mr. Wyman-what's the
matter rs she asked.
':Matter enoughr' he groaned Il weigh
one hundred and seventy-fve pounds! Gain
ed thirty pounds within a fortnight-or at the
rate of fifteen per week. Suppose / should
go on at this rate, or even ten pounds week,
IN three months l shall be a perfect monster
am the most unfortunate of men,
II am sure you don't look any larger,
said Mrs. Wyman.
grown srnau TOT you -
s.Why, no."
.sI'Il tell you what, Mr. Wyman,'' said his
wife, struck with sudden idea s.are you
sure You didn't have your valise in your hand,
when you were weighed?'
Andrews face frightened up.
ssWait a minute,'' said he.
He sped out of the house like an arrow
flew to the depot and renewed the experiment.
moment after he entered the house again,
his face glowing with joy.
ssYou've hit it, wife, he exclaimed. Eve
weighed myself again, and only weigh one
hundred and forty three
Mr.. Wyman was SO elated by the altered
state of the case. that he at once gave his wife
money enough to purchase sslovc ofa collar''
that she had seen at Mr.. Leask's the day be-
fore.
..It's an i'll wind that does nobody any good
FIGHrrN6 on EQUAL TE RMs.-I will tell you
a little incident that occurred in Georgia many
years ago. Judge I. a celebrated duelist, who
has lost leg, and who was known to be a dead
shot, challenged Col. D.. a gentleman ofgreat
humor and attainments. The friends tried to
prevent the meeting, but to no effect The
parties met on the ground, when Col. d. was
asked if he was ready.
NO, SIR he replied.
| sWhat are you waiting for, then'' inquired
| Judge T's second.
sWhy, SIR said Col. D., Il have sent my
boy into the woods to hunt bee gum to put
my leg in, for don't intend to give the Judge
any advantage over me. You see he has a
wooden leg!'
The whole party roared with laughter, and
the thing was so ridiculous that it broke up
the fight. Col. d. was afterwards told that 1T
would sink his reputation.
eWell he replied, it cant sink me lower
than bullet can'
sBut,' urged his friends, sthe papers will be
filed about you.'
Well,' said he, Il would rather fill fifty news
papers than fill cofin!'
No one ever troubled the Colouel after that
FLEA PowDER.-A man went about the coun'
try towns, selling Flea Powder. 1t was done
up in very neat little PACKAGES and on each was
a label directions inside.' He passed along
selling at each honse; and then made a sudden
exit. All bought because it was so cheap
sonly 81 cents per paper!' Some bought a hal
dozen papers, so as not to get OUT TheT
they opened the sdirections.' They read a
follows: s r9
lst. Catch the flea.
ID Tickle him with fine needle under hii
ribs.
Sd. He will open his mouth.
4th. Throw in small quantity of the po"
, der.
, 9th If you get the least possible quantit.
, down his threat, he is as dead as smokec
herring