Eastern times., 1854-09-28
eastern Gimes.
Written for the Eastern Times.
The Miseries of a Tall Man.
BY ONE.
In amaze,
Lost l gaze,
Can our eyes
Reach thy size.


been written, rather under the goading infu-
ence of the trials attending high (physical)
position in society, than from any desire OF
the writer to associate with such noble grum-
blers as Byron or Sidney Smith.
Don't imagine, however, from the dolOrous
title of this piece, or from its contents, that,
having lived too long in the world, the author
meditates suicide. He has not reached that
His short conangs still console him, and his
only fear is that his long suferings may short
en- his days, which, together with very mod
crate salary, are the only things pertaining to
him not to be made more welcome by being
diminished. In truth, he who gravely enter
tains. san idea Of self destruction, broods over
his sorrows in sience-steals to his death
with secresy-never hoping for alienation,
never wishing to mitigate his mental pain by
describing it as now wishes Tom Jones, the
grumbler, and the tall man mentioned above.
After gathering up the reins for a ride one
instinctively looks back to see whether 'all's
right in the same way as Tom Jones cast
retrospective glance of ten years to his ff-
teenth birth-day-but with different result.
He finds all wrong His stature having ma
tured faster than its associated intellect, lifted
him head and shoulders above all the schol-
ars, without constituting him 'head of the
class Of course the master always derived
savage pleasure from causing him to suffer
IN fha h0,
'go up above him, or to hear little Jim spell
the word he couldn't, or send Mary to correct
(standing in chair) his sums.
Then, too, when the 'roguish boys as
fond mothers termed them; silly stole into and
as stealthily stole ont Of some neighboring or
chard, he was sure to be the unfortunate one
who could not crouch low enough to escape
the owners observation If their depreda-
tions were directed towards some more dis
tant nursery, remote enough for most of the
plunderers 10 pass for 'some wicked boys
without being designated as any particular
ones, he was of course the person whose stat
ure proclaimed at any distance his Identity
Hthe tall scoundrel.' If at midnight he covet-
ed 'some Of mothers jam, it was utterly, physi-
cally impossible for him to manage his long
shahks so as not to overturn some interposing
chair or tread on Fido's tail, or make a mo-
mentary gong of tin pans, while his head was
sure TO bump against sharp corners of the un-
finished kitchen or it would sweep the cob
webs from every dirty Granny, or tumble some
plate of cold meat which the cook had care
fully slowed away, not imagining that he
would be literally 'poking his nose into it,
Upon introduction into society, Tom found a
problem worse than any he had ever worked
at in school times-'What shall do with nv
arms and legsl' So perplexing did this query
seem that he would have surrendered at dis
cretion. could he have 'laid down his arms,
without sad consequences, such as crushing deli
cate objets de vertu. AS it was, with the one
he was constantly overturning vases, with the
other, people, until he grew morbidly sensi-
tive on the point of his awkward magnitude,
every instant dreading lest some one should
place pIacard on his back huge as himself,
to this effect, Beware of the tall man-he
trips One can imagine that this sore point
in his character would be kept constantly
f1ayed by such remarks as the world is accus-
toned TO make in 'asides' just loud enough for
him to hear. For instance, in drought
wonder if he couldn't tell us whether there is
any rain up above!' If he lit a cigar, what
a capital lighthouse he would make q or
'What nice member for a long parliament =
not to mention i'll suppressed filters if at any
time his head touched low chandelier or his
cap was knocked off by too sudden and unad-
wlsed entrance into car or omnibus.
In ehort, these trials and sorrows gave a
dinge to his life which made the very DAYS
seem long in unison. Seeing finally the folly
of caring for the worlds opinion, and of at
tempting to lower himself to the capabilities
of his friends, Tom at one time concluded to
shame or honor might therefrom accrue. In
spired with this sentiment, his once STOPPING
frame became as erect as an Indians. Those
whom he had met before with fawning civili-
y, hOW Iedu Ill HIS eyes savage OlSudlH,
which together with the fact of his unnten-
hOnally tripping up people with his unwieldy
shanks, or giving them by energetical ges-
lures, terrible knocks, established his charac-
ter as man ripe for any bad deed Caps
were then discarded, superseded by Feather
Edged of the tallest dimensions. Jones saws
that he must confess to certain degree of
sheepishness as he issued from the bazaar.
after buying his hat, as if every one were no
ticing it, whereas having whisker and SEEM
ing quite old, he appeared very well in it, and
there was not the slightest necessity for his
taking glass to console himself.
1t is not yet ascertained whether it was be-
cause ne was unused to the hat or the brandy,
that ne did not see a low branch of tree on
coming out OF the saloon but such was the
case, and his hat flew off as if cannon ball
had celebrated its debut, and caracoled along
the sidewalk in front of shoe store. For
moment it eluded his grasp, but eventually he
seized it and put it on his head, and rising.
alas directly under the sign of huge boot.
gave it such blow as an opera hat might