The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1854-09-28
For the National Era.
H OIL wv 0 0 D .
BY ALICE CAREY.
CHAP. V-Concludcd.


At last the house was still, and rose to 90,
but my courage failed, and | sunk back in my
chair. 1t is hard to turn our backs upon all
that is dear to US in ifc--it is hard to make
ourselves believe there are new hopes and new
interests outside of those which for tie time we
fad all engrossiDg doubt, indeed, if we ever
quite live down great sorrows; they leave
marks which are never effaced from our NOR
tai natures.
One who has wound his way through great
Affections, says:
Ever and anon, of grief subdued
There comes token like a scorpion sting"
Sometimes in the hour Of my greatest tri-
umphs, there comes over me the sense of their
utter nothingness, and far away | see the
fading Of dream, the reality Of which would
have blest me. We cannot look back upon
that which was dream to US to the last, and
feel that, once pushed into reality, the fresh
ness and beauty world have worn off-the
moth fitted out of sight unhandled, and in
memory it's bright wings are ever up in the
sunshine, not thin and broken and dragging
in the dust. That we call success, is, after oil
but a successful oheat-we have gained wealth.
perhaps but youth is gone, and with it the
capacity 70 enjoy wealth-we have earned
| name but the eyes In which we desired to
shine are closed in darkness. It is as if we
lsbored hard all day and cana home at night
to find no welcome. When | was very Iittle
| girl, desired most Of all things TO be woman,
chiefly that might, as often rs chcse, visit
my Aunt Mary, without asking leave of 10Y
mother. But when womanhood came, there
was no Aunt Mary's to go TO; and, if there had
| been, the childish desire was gone
| But weary you-well.
| At last, rs one driven out Of Paradise, | went
| from the house. had trod softly down the
stairs and through the hall but my hand
shook, and in turning the key made some
noise, and, ss emerged from the door, Fleet
| sprang suddenly up and, setting his fore
paws On my shoulders, threw me violently
back. felt that was betrayed; and before
| had gone FIVE steps, the sash was Lifted,
and the well-known Voice called, "Mary-
| Mary / tried to 20 on but when Mr. Rich
ards continued, roproachfully, off you find the
tie which binds us together 60 wearisome, you
are free-but watt" and he joined me as he
said SO, and putting bis arm about me, in the
old, fond way, drew me within the vines of the
porch. "Think not will seek to detain you
against your will-to-morrow, if il please you,
you shau be sent home, in more betting
way"
| said was but going as came, and that,
as his wishes had been clearly enough indiea.
ted. there was no need of words. | was CRATE.
full that he had shown me my incapecity for
any other station than that to which | was
boru-the knowledge had grieved, but not Of
Tended me-and that from my heart blessed
him, for to him | owed the happiess moments
of my life.
"Then, Mary you love ms yet?"
"Can you ask? Has not my heart betrayed
itself, in every look and action, from the FIST
You have known right well my happiness was
in your keeping; and, pardon me- if | say, you
have held il very carelessly. But, no matter
should have guarded it myself, and not have
almost thrust it. as did, into careless hands,
Mr.. Richards said he deserved my reproach-
es; and yet, if he had been rerniss in the shows
of fondness, he had never in the least swerved
from allegiance; that he had felt himself as
much honored as blest By my devotion; and
that hereafter, if | would and could forgive
him, it should be bis study to make himsel!
worthier of my regard. He held my hand re.
spectfully, but neither embraced nor kissed
me as the seals of reconciliation; and, though
his words were kindly, it seemed to me they
lacked enthusiasm. | was not quite satisfied
could have thrown myself on his neck and
sobbed aloud, entreating him to forgive me
though had in no wise offended, entreatipe
him to love me, and to say he loved me, and &c
kiss me again and again; but pride, and q
sense OF propriety, which love conscious OF an
equal return does not feel, kept me restrained
and silent.
1 would gladly have said, "What is to be
the end of all this-when, in short sm to be
your true and honorable wife," But the
double pressure of insecurity and unworthiness
weighed me down, and strove rather to rec
oncile myself to that which was, than to amend
fortune
We had been long time silent, when MIR
Richards said, calmly, almost coldIy, thought
at grows lxte-may beg of you, my dear
that this scene shall have no re-enactments"
said that circumstances influenced as all
and, if could not calculate upon them, could
not know what shape my actions would take
/ hoped, however, es fervently as ne, that oul
past had not mirrored our future.
awe will talk further another time" replied
nv mysterious lover, if lover he wore; and
withdrawing his hand from mine, and with {
simple good night, we separated.
i Once more in my chamber, reseated mysel
at the window, and lived over eli our past
concluding with the nights interview | re
| peased over every expression of fondness, ans
tried 20 give the words some of the meanin:
which felt they would have possessed 90 mi