Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1854-08-18
Niagara Fal1s--Doesticks %" Bender.

DEAR ED1roR: have been to Niagara you know
Niagara Falls-big rocks, water, foam, Table Rock,
Indian curOstes. squaWs, m0ccasns, stuffed snakes,
rapids, wolves Clifton House, suspension bridge,
place where the water swift, the ladies faint,
and get the paint washed off their faces where
the arisocratic Indian ladies sit the dirt and make
little bags; where all the inhabitants swinde stran-
gers; where the cars 60 in hurry, the walters are
mpudent, and all the small boys swear.
When came in sight of the suspension bridge,
was wildly impressed with the idea that it some
bridge; in fact considerable curiosity and consid
cradle bridge-took glass of beer, and walked up
to the Falls-another glass of beer and walked I'M
der the Falls; wanted another glass OF beer, but
coul.nt get t; walked away from the Falls, went
through mad triumphant, victorious. humbug-
humbug sir all humbug except the dabbness of
everything which is most certainty and the
pdity of every body which is dabolical fact, and
the Indians and niggers every where, which is a Sa-
tanc truth
Another glass of beer-twas forthcoming mmedi-
ately-also another, all of which drank. | then
proceeded TO drink glass of beer, went TO the
States where procured a glass of beer-went up
stars, for which paid sxpence over to Goat Is
land, for which discussed twenty-five cents-hired
guide to whom paid half a do!lar-sneezed four
times at nine cents sneeze-went up on the tower
for quarter of dollar, and looked at the Falls
didn't feel sublime any, tried to, but could'n-took
beer and tried again, but failed-drank glass
of beer and began to feel beterthought the waters
were sent for and were on journey TO the;
thought the place below was one sea of beer-was
going TO jump down and get some, guide held me
sent him over to the hotel to get a glass of beer
while tried to write poetry result follows
0 thou (spray in one eve) awful, (small lobster
in right shoe) sublime (both feet we) master piece
of Gimmeny, what le) the Almighty. Terrible
and ma estlc art thou in thy tremendous might-aw-
full (orni) to behold, (cramp in my right shoulder)
gigantic, huge and nice! Oh thou that tumbest down
and risest up again in misty majesty to Heaven-thou
glorious parent of thousand ranbows-what
huge, grand, awful, terrible, tremendous, infinite old
swindlng humbug you are; what you doing
there, you rapids you-you know you've tumbled
the rocks, and can't get up again to save your
puny existence, you make great fuss. don't YOU ?
Man came back with the beer, drank it to the last
drop, and wished there had been a gallon more
walked out on rock to the edge of the fall, woman
on shore very much frightened-I told her not to
get excited if fell over, | would step right up
again-t would not be much of fall anyhow-got
a glass of beer of man, another of woman, and
another of two small boys with pail-ffeen min
utes elapsed, when | purchased some more of an In.
dian and mbibed it through a straw: it
wasn't good-had TO get glass of beer to lake the
taste out of my mouth; legs began to tangle up ef-
feet of the spray IN my eyes, got hungry and wanted
something to eat-wen into eating house, called
for plate of beans; when the plate brought the
waiter IN his hand took it, hung up my beef and
beans on a nail, ca, my hat, paid dollar to niger
and sided out on the step-walk, bought boy of
glass of dog with small beer and a neck on his
tail, with collar with spot on the end-felt funny
slck--got some soda water in tin cup, drank the
cup and placed the soda on the counter and paid for
the money full of pocke-very bad headache rub
bed ii against the lamp post and then stumped along
station house came along and said if | didn't 90
straight he'd take to the watchman--tred to o.
lge the station house. very civil station house. very
met baby with an Irish woman and a wheelbar-
row IN It, couldn't get out of the way, she wouldn't
walk on the sidewalk, but insisted on going on both
sides OF the street at once tried to walk between
her; consequence collision, awful knocked out the
wheeibarrow's nose, broke the Irish woman all 10
pieces. baby loose, court house handy, took me to
the constable, jury sat me, and the Jail said the
mag strate must take to the constable objected
the dungeon put me into the darkest constable in the
city; got out, and here am, prepared to stick to
my original opinon-Niagara anus hunabuef non
ercelsus, non indignus admtralconi
Yours, unquestonably,
@. R. PHYLANDER DOESTICKs, PB.
AN lLLusTRIous PENNsYLvANIAN.-lt is not gener
ally known says the Lebanon Advertiser that Lind
J ley Murry was an American, and born within the