Washington telegraph., 1854-02-15

too y.
The lady was again posed, and she said
nothing, bat the day wore to its close before
she could bring herself to the belief flat
/ Mr Swallow had actually made use of IKE
word servant and wife in the same SEN
tence
The next morning at six o'clock, Mr..
swallow again informed his wife that it was
! time 10 get up, coupling the remarks with
the suggestion that in the future she must
save him the trouble of reminding her of SO
necessary duty.
Mr.. Swallow, however, benefited nothing
by this soft insinuation, for at the moment
she either was, or pretended to be, fast lock-
ed in the arms of Morpheus
Don't you hear Mrs Swallow ?' quoth
Solomon.
But alas. a slight consciousness was the
only response from Mrs Swallow.
Now this was a ticklish point with Solo
mon. but he vas prepared for it. What
says my system on this head ?" said he to
! himself, musingly. 1T says that a law
wife who lies abed in the morning NAV be
very properly reminded of her duty bv the
ludlcions application of a coercion PIN
And this magnificent idea had scarcely
crossed the threshold of his brain-pan, when
he inserted the point Of huge pin in the
right arm OF the sleeper. As might be ex-
pected, the intended effect instantly follow
ed the cause. for the asonished Mrs. Swal-
low sprang from the bed as though she had
been thrown from it by an earthquake =
Bat alas, her agility was too strikin ely man.
ifested, for she not only all but annhilated
poor Solomon in rolling over him. but she
dashed his patent lever from the nail which
suspended it to the wall, and broke the dial
into thousand pieces
What a dreadful dream" calculated Mrs
Swallow. pressing her left hand on her wound
ed arm
What dreadful reality" shouted Mr..
Swallow, contemplating the fragile ruins of
his demolished time-piece.
Here we pass over the interval between
this occurrence and the time when the hap
fy pair in question were seated at break
Now. Mrs Swallow" said Solomon,
seeing that | can't awaken to call YOU ilp
in the morning. or eat burned toast Or drink
raw tea. etc. it is time I should begin to
instruct you in your duties
And what arc those, Mr. Swallow %
BE silent. madame, if you please: not to
talk, but listen, is one Of the most important
OF them"
Proceed sir"
"And MIR. Swallow, looking dageers *
her for second interruption, proceeded
From six till eight, you are TO get up
dress quietly, SO as 10 create no disturbance,
IL Al,
rooms, prepare breakfast, and announce the
perfection thereof. Eight till ten. wash tea
thing, make beds. rub furniture and clean
windows. Ten to twelve. 90 to market and
prepare dinner. Twelve till two to devote
to di<h-washing sweeping up and rubbing
furniture. Two to six. spinning. mending
ing Clothes and darning stockings. Seven.
tea. From that time ill nine, a second
course of mending and darning, and then
90 to bed And this daily course. madam.
with a strict observance of the rules of ci-
Witty, frugality, decoium, and obedience,
may, in time, enable you to do honor to the
choice of Mr.. Solomon Swallow
Mrs Swallow listered quietly to the end
and then mildly inquired
'And do you really expect this of me, Nr
Swallow ?"
TO be sure I d., responded her spouse.
Then you'll be sadly disappointed. for
III do no such thing
MOP"
mo"
I've a way TO make YOU
How"
Spoon diet, locks. chains, and cow
hide -
''Mr Swallow ="
"What 2"
.sYou're brute" and Mrs. Swallow
threw herself back, and looked desperate
Now this was climax. Mr.. Swallow
was called brute at his own freside, and
bv his own wife, which was the worst OF all
He, Solomon Swallow the celebrated foun-
/ der of ii system of matrimonial observation,
! called = brute, and by no less person than
Mrs. Swallow. At first he was So astoni>h-
/ ed at such an open manifestation ct feheAtlon
! of his royal will. that he only leoked aghasi;
| but When he came to himself he saw that
something must be done at once, or the
field was lost forever.
"You called me brute, Mrs. Swallow:
II did, Alr. Swallow
"A brute ?''
"a brute ~
"1ll 60 mad and break things Mrs. Swal-
low"
''As you like. sir"
ssAnd Mr. Swallow did 60 mad. but he
had method in his madness, for be seized
the cheapest article of delf that was on the
table Gan old plate with crack in If) ana
dashed it into thousand pieces on the
hearth, as if he was in tremendous pas
sion.
| How do you like that. Mrs. Swallow =