Plymouth advertiser. [volume] (Plymouth, Ohio) 1853-1988, 1854-07-01

the slop bowl was al the wrong end of the
table tray, and there were several crumbs
on the carpet.
The servant hasn't been here this morn.
ing observed Mrs. Swallow.
Servant ! returned Solomon, Il dis
charged her yesterday. You don't think
eau afford 10 keep servant and wife
too =
The lady again was posed, and she said
nothing but the day wore TO its close be-
fore she could bring herself 10 the belief
that Mr. Swallow had actually made use
of The word servant and swife' in the
same sentence.
The next morning at six o'clock, Mr..
Swallow again informed his wife that it
was ime to get up, coupling the iemark
with the suggestion lha, in the future she
must save him the trouble of reminding
her of so necessary a duty.
Mrs. Swallow, however. benefited no.
thing by this soft nsinuaton, for a, the
moment she either was, or pretended to
be, fast locked in the arms of Morpheus.
Don't you hear, Mrs. Swallow {! qUolh
Solomon.
But alas slight consciousness was
the only response from Mrs. Swallow.
Now this was ticklIsh point with Solo
mon, but he was prepared for it. 'Whal
says my system on this head 2 said he to
himself muslngly. 1T says that lazy
wife who lies abed in the morning may
be very properly reminded of her duty by
the Judlcious application Of coercion
PIN And this magnificent idea had
scarcely crossed the threshold Of his brain
pnn, than he inserted the point of huge
pin IN The right arm of the sleeper. As
might be expected the intended effect in.
siautly follow ed The cause, for the astonish-
Mrs Swallow sprang from the bed as
though she had been thrown from it by
an earthquake :! But alas! her agility was
too s'r.klngly manifested, for she no,
only almost annihiIaled poor Solomon in
rolling over him, but she dashed his patent
lever 10 the wall, and broke The dial inlo q
thousand pieces.
'What dreadful dream,' calculated
Mrs. Swallow, pressing her lief! hand on
her wounded arm
Whal dreadful reality shouted Mr.
Swallow, contemplating The fragile ruins
OF his demolished ime.piece.
Here we pass over the interval between
this occurrence and the time when the
happy pair in question were seated a
breakfast.
Now, Mrs. Swallow said Solomon
seeing that can't awaken to call YOU ur
in he morning. or eat burned toast, OF
drink raw tea, ETC., it is time should be-
gin 10 instruct you in your duties.
And what are those, Mr. Swallow p
BE silent. madam, if you please; no
to talk, but listen, is one of the most i'm
portant of them
'Prnceed, sir
And Mr.. Swallow looked daggers q
her for second interruption proceeded
| From six till eight. you are to get up
dress quietly, so as 10 create no dis,ur
bance, light fire, air clothing and stock
lngs, sweep rooms, prepare breakfast, an
announce the perfection thereof. Egh
I'LL ten. wash ten things, make beads, ru
furniture and clean windows. Ten Il
twelve, go to market and prepare dinner
Twelve till two to devote to dish wash
ing, sweeping up and rubbing furniture
Two to six spinning, mendng clothes
and darning stockings. Seven, tea. From
that time till nine, secnsd course o
mending and darnng, and then 90 to bed
And this daily, course, madam, with
strc' observance of the rules of civiIltv
fruga|ity, dec rum, and obedience, may
in time, enable you to do honor to tn,
choice Of Mr.. Solomon Swallow
Mrs. Swallow listened quietly to III
end, and then mildly inquired.
And do you really expect this of me
Mr.. Swallow?' n.a1
10 be sure DO responded her spouse
Then you'll be sadly disapp ointed, 70
| do no such thing - q ...
sNo?' H.a.,.. ~s
NO. ..... t.. CAS-. ..,, .... .
I've a way to make you.' "
'How? ...a8 ..... a~ E..
Spoon diet, locks, chains and cowhide.
'Mr. Swallowp ta. a,,4,t.s
WHAT ae.a #3 3.
You're a brutep and Mrs. Swallov
threw herself back, and looked desperate
Now this was a climax. Mr., Swal
low was called brute at his own fire
side, and by his own wife, which was III
worst Of all. He, Solomon Swallow
The celebrated founder Of system Of ma
trimonial observation, called a brute, ane
by no less person than Mrs. Swallow
At first he was so as,onished al such one
manifestations Of rebellion Of his rova
will. that he only locked oghsst; bu
when he came to himself, he saw tha
something O ust be done a, once /; or ne
field was lost forever. ''2 s"s'" .'l
You called me brute, Mrs. Swallow.
i did. Mr.. Swallow. :, s.s..
"A brute! ~ r5
"A brute!' sl.I3 ,,,s....'
I'll 60 mad and break things, Mrs