The independent press. (Abbeville C.H., S.C.) 1853-1860, 1854-07-15
Auctioneering i'm California.


Auctioneering in California.
Tho reporter of the San Francisco News
furnishes that paper with tho following re-
port. of speech made by California auc-
tioneer: -.
"Ladies and gentlemen, now have tho
honor Of putting ip afine pocket handker-
chief, a yard wide, q yard long, and almost a
yarn thick. One half cotton, and the t'other
half cotton, too; beautifully painted with
tho stars and stripes on one side, and tho
stripes and stars OH t'other; it will wipe
dust from the eyes SO completely as to be
death to demagogucs, and make politics as
bad 4 business as printing papers its great
length, breadth and thickness together with
its dark color will enable it to hide dirt
and never need washing; going at one dollar9
-sevcnty-ivc ccnts!-fifty cents? ?-twcnty-
five cents ?-one bit? nobody wants it oh
thank you sir!
Next gentlemen, Qor the ladies won't he
permitted to bid on this article) is a real, 81
monpure tempered, highly polished, keen
edged Sheffield razor; bran spankin new :;
never opened before to sunlight, moonlight
starlight, daylight, or gasligliS sharp enough
to shave lawyer, or cut a disagreeablo ac-
quaintancc, or poor relation: handle of buck
horn, with all the rivcts but tho two at tie
ends, of pure gold, who will give stwo dol
lars ono dollar? half dollara WHY We
long bearded, dirty faced rcprobates, with
not room enough OH your phizzcs for Chi
nese woman to kiss, Pm offering you a bar
gain at half a dollar well 1 will throw I'M
this strap at half dollar razor and strap
of recent patent; two rubs upon it will
sharpen city attorney; all for four bits and
piece of ofsoap-sweeter than roses lathcrs
better than a schoolmaster, and strong
enough wash out all tho stains from a
California politicians conscience, all for four
bits why you have only to put this razor
strop and soap, under your pillow at night,
to wake up in the morning clean shaved
won't anybody give two bits, then for the
lot! knew would sell en-.
"Next ladies and gentlemen, I offer three
pair socks, hose, stocking or half hose, Just
as you're mind to call them. Knit by ma
chine made on purpose, out Of cotton wool;
the man that buys these will be enabled to
walk till he gets tired and, provided his
boots arc high enough, needn't have any
cons; tho legs are as long as bills against
the corporation and as thick as the heads of
the members Of the Legislature; who wants
em at one half dollar 2-thankee, madam,
dollar! /"
"Next offer you pair of boots, made
especially for San Francisco, with heels long
enough to raise man up to the Hoadlcy
grandcs, and nails to ensure against being
covered over by land slide; legs wide
enough 10 carry two revolvers and bowie
knif' and the uppess Of the very bestshorse
leather. a man in these boots can move
about as fast as, the State Capital; who SAYS
twenty dollars All the tax payers ought
to buy a pair to kick the council with; ev-
cry body ought to haye pair to Kick the
Legislature with.--and they will be found of
assistance in kicking the bucket especially
if some body should kick. at being kicked
!: ten dollars forsaegs, appers and soles!
while soals and miserable sBoulssat. that are
bringing twenty thousand dollars in Sacra-
mento! ten dollarsa ten dollars gone at ten
dollars ~. s, ~ Z;
"Ncxt is something that you* ought to
have gentlemen, lot ofgood gallowses-
sometimes called suspehders. know that
some of you vii, after while, be- furnished
at the States expense, but you can't tell
which one, 80 buy wher they're cheap; all
that deserve hanging are not supplied with
gallows, if so there would be nobodX.to
mako laws, condemn criminals, or cnlprits,
until new election; made of pure gum
elastic-streteh like judges conscience,
and last as longas q Californian Office holder
will steal buekles of pure iron, and warrent-
ed to hold 80 tight that no mans wife can
rob him ofFthe breeches;;y are5in short, as
strong, assgood, as ,effectual, and as Bona
tide as thdordinsnce against Chinese shops
on Dupont street. gone. at as cent? !.
A Very Slight DsHsrenoe.
Howene Of our gay young brokers' was
recently Furnished with a new wrinkle, Is
told by hisfisnd Ton: the streets, ,tas thus:J
Fellow came, riding eir enough look.
ing horse the front bf fhs pffica at which