Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1854-03-17
Humorous Variety.

Humorous Variety.
The man who "held out an Involvement" has had
. sore ever since.
The fellow who "carsd out project" was
obliged to bring it back again.
The man wto "drives his business has just pur-
chased new reirs and whip.
The man who never says nothing to nobody,
was married last week to the lady who never speaks
i'll Of ne enc.
-WBAr PIrY.-A long "train Of circumstan.
ces" ran fl the track the other day. and spoiled the
plot for first rate story.
-"Father, what does printer live on," "Wby,
chiId7" because you said you hadn't paid him fer
three years, and still take the paper" "Wife, spank
that child"
poor countrymsp, who had refused to fight. .Io,
beam" said the scuntrymsp; AZ have nothing to do
with eeus; an shepherd "
When it freezes and blows, take care of your
nose, that it dosent get froze and wrap up your
in warm wooden boss. The above, We suppose, was
written in prose by enc who knows tho effect Of
cold SHOWS.
lawyer who left his house without paying his bill,
thus:
disqualification damnum ct Swa,twoutanibue in
transit non eat invsstus additum scape goatum, non
oomatbus in swamro up treeabuss.''
Two SONS of Erin having agreed TO have cpl
tsphs on their tombsonee, one Of them was lost at
sea, leaving the inscription to be placed his gra
at home--"Ha lie, snug aa bug in rug" The
ohr when dead .und have left the folio siur
"Hee lie, LITTLE snugger than that othsr buggsr."
---An Irishman, who was busily engaged in sweep.
ing the floor Of grocery store up town, few days
So, was interrogorated as follows:
"Isay, Pat, what are you doing thsre7 sweeping
cut that room?"
"NcI" exclaimed Pat, "I'm sweeping out the dirt
and Leaving the ROOM"
A R, uSD Bill Tom presented bill to bis
neghbcr 10, for service rdered. Tho latter looked
it over, end 'xpeesed much surprise ct the amount
"Wby, Tom, it strikes nae you have made out .
pretty round bill here, chr"
elm sensible it's round one,' quoth Tom, "and
have come for the purpose of getting it squared"
-"well Pat, my good fellow said victorious
general to brave sen Of Erin, after battle "and
what did you do to help gain this vi tory7" "Doi
replied Pat, "msy it please your honor, walked up
boldly to wun Of the inimy, snd cut of his fut"-
"cut eff his foot and why did you not cut eff his
hsadi' asked the general "Ah, and faith, that was
of already" said Pat
-SErrLENEsr.-"Didy ou mean to settle this
bill at all cir, when you made it % ssd the creditor
in passionate manner.
"Humph Keep cool, my good FRIEND" said tho
eestor, putting cigar with admirable sang freid.
"You want . settlsment7"
"Te be sure do, sir.'
"Wsll, my dear sir, assure you meant to settle
and when meant to settle that IVES clearly settle
ment' Ha, ha, ha! Good morning ny frisnd; II
SEQ you in the fall"
Too HonEsT.-"Mr. Slocum, believe, sir 7''
"Yes, sir, James Socun."
"Some six months ago, Mr.. Slocum, you gave me
credit for pair Of boots-priee i've dollars. have
now called to liquidate the demand"
"oWs me five dollan3 We'll, really, have no re-
Of the fact"
"Be that as it may, the debt is honest and must be
paid"
Here the middle aged gent, in pepper and.salt cas-
sinners, teok out wellhsd pocket-bosk, and handed
5locum twenty dollar bill Socum balanced the 40
count, and handed to the middle aged gentleman, in
he reasonable wearing apparel, fifteen dollars, being
ne "balanse on the boots"
The middle-aged gentleman left, while slocum
' mt off in q revsry.
"Wsll, the world is not 90 bad, after all here, at
east, is one genuine honest man. will never speak
i Of the human family again."
SCENE sEcosD.-An Exchange oeicer-Entsr slo- |
UNI.
Bullion, my boy, just discount that lot of money |
nd give me currency
Certainly, SIR
Bullion throws over the "potured blotting paper,
nd throws cut twenty dollar bill.
"What do you throw that cut fer 2"
"Net worth cent one sf the new countcrfeits
lme out yesterday
blocum once more goes of in q revery. course thai
oundrel That's the very bill that honest man paid
Q yesterday for them boots. What vils world! |
MT believe that there is yprght man on earth
The last We saw of slocum, he was putting of for
s''Ieriics, to enter complsint. l6a 4 I
AoRAL.-Don't allow yourself 70 be "dons'' BY too