Thibodaux minerva. [volume] (Thibodaux, La.) 18??-1858, 1854-07-29
For the Thibodaux Minerva.
Musical Courtship.


BY j. T.
Perhaps it is not generally known that the
almost innumerable musical chords that are
contained in the simple and unpretending s'd ia-
tonic scale" have not only an affinity with, but
are capable of touching the various and most
subtle vibrations of the human heart. Let the
following serve as an illustration:
If you love a young lady, with some serious
thoughts of making her your partner for life,
commence your courtship in the key of F major.
If your advances are fayorably received, the
lady will answer you in the major third of
pen, she will probably converse in the rela-
tive minor key of major, which is D minor.
Do not depart for a time from your first key
note. Should you make such progress as is
termed "getGng finely" try, occasionally,
a modulation into major with "moderato "
movement, but avoid the .'aIlegro con brio" for
it would look too spunky, too lively and too
much like Dragging. Should the young lady,
on the contrary, still persist in her dolorous,
pity you, but-can' t-help-t key of d minor, de-
scend one semitone to that Of the captivating
key of E major. This will bring her to sooner
than any other mode, aud you may hear her
voice gradually ascend to the ''major third :"
of your key note. This you may depend upon,
lady's affectons-for the dear girl only meant
to quiz you little with her assumed coquetry.
Perhaps she thought it would not be la mode
to take up the major third of your soft and ten
der major at once. If, on the other hand, e
and major make no impression at all an the
citadel, you have been sowing wild oats.
On leaving the house of your hopes and fears,
whisper the "good bye" or good night in G
sharp, considering that note as the maj r third
of the stonic'' E. but not as the "tonic' itself;
for in the latter case you would become too SOL
emn and brighten the young lady as if you had
been turned into ghost.
If you wish to be sublime, talk to your lady
love in the majestic key of sharp major, but
you must sustain it we'll or else you will make
Yourself ridiculous. You wish to be grave and
solemn, take the key of A fiat major-it will
darken the room at midday; if sentimentally
grand, do it in the key of E fiat major D fat
major expresses pomposity well, should you
have turn that way. If you are at a party
with your sweetheart and feel happy, perhaps
little excited, speak in the exhilirating key of
major But during the whole term of your
courtship avoid, by all means, the foggy, driz-
cling, chilling key of G minor
ssTrue love never runs smooth" If you
quarrel with each other, talk to the lady in
fiat major. She will answer you in minor.
If she does not change her key note there is no
danger. and matters will soon be amicably set
tied, and of course your mutual love will be
considerably increased thereby. But if your
ssheart's treasure" jumps all at once to the
"major fifth of B minor, pitched on the fifth
line in the treble, in that case take your hat
and leave, for sha is a termagant you have been
worshipng. If you suspect that the culmina-
ting point in the shape of a furore passage is
ready to burst upon you, or, worst OF all please
ladies, don't get angry # an attempt is made to
reach the octoUe, run as you would for dear life
else you may get your eyes scratched out!
C minor is an excellent key for fretting and
growing. 1t is also sovereign key to express
your jealous murmurings in soto voce style; OF
if you wish to chide your lady-love for accept
ing a bouquet from that detested rival Of yours.
You must not harp, however, too long on that
for a goose. A .smodulation" into aristocratic
E fat major Will have good effect.
Should you succeed in your efforts and engage
yourself to the object Of your affections, raise
your voice to the confidential key Of major.
In arranging the matrimonial contract choose
the stately key of major. Should you meet
with downright refusal, and in consequence
suffer in the region of the heart, F sharp minor
is your friend who will do ample justice to your
present state of distress, and furnish you even
with little tender blubbering, if called for.
When it comes to extremes, when the blow is
too terrific to be borne, when you think that
the only fish worth catching, both in fresh and
salt water had turned tail to your bait, when it
becomes hanging, shooting or drowning mat
ter with your poor wretched self-dreary, des-
olate, forsaken, heartrending key of minor
will will express your feelings in a proper man
ner, and keep up your gloomy spirits in the ex-
ecution of your desperate designs!
On your wedding day eschew all other keys !
and modes and hold fast like leech to that
glorious, joyous and imposing key Of major.
If the iddlers transgress your orders in that
respect, unless it be to introduce short sc trios
in the dominant and subdominant," just for
variety sake, brake their fiddles over their heads
and employ other musicians. No matter what
their sex, color or instruments, but let their
strains be in rampant D major.
About the honeymoon plead ignorance
Whether it be in major or minor key, whether
it be "staccato" or "legato," &c crescendo" or
g dsminuendo," "pizzigato" or sad H6itum,"
deponent knoweth not.