Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1854-11-16
VAlRIETY.
An IOWA JURY's VERDICT.

e1Ausuiy- ue corner; 4 , consequence, held
an Inquest, listened To the testimony Of a
physician, and was about giving he verdict
Water on the Brain whenIMr Slocum
Popplepolis 'riz' to object
Mr. Coroner, have knowntIl deceased
Tor ten mortal years, and know b Aaa
never seSd . rvsvr nfyrugslt IN al thHt time.
To say that such man can dis with water
on the BRAIN is therefore, blaned nonssace.
1t can't be did Cause whyY--hc never
took any into his system The Efie verdict,
Mr. Coroner, gin, rum, or brady on the.
brain Y butas1 eannotget sueh verdict,
am willing to split the difference eompFo-
mise-and bring il a verdict DIS follows
Died from the effects of braadykand water
on the brain. The verdict Vas SO rem
dered
SINGULAR WmL-'AIy body shall be put
upon the oak table in my coffin in tlebrown
room, and, fifty Irishmen shall be iayited to
my wake, and every one shall have two
quarts Of the best Aqua vista, and each
Iskein.dirk or knife laid before him. and
when the liquor is ont. nail up my coffin, and
commit me to the earth. whence / came
This is my will Witness my hand, this sd
Of March, l76l Z
i II JONI LASGLEY'
Some Of Lengleys friends asked him why
he should be at such charge to treat the Irish
at his funerals people whom be never
loved
'Why,fd that reason, replied Langley,
They will get so drums at my wake, that
they will kill one another, and we shah get
rid Of some Of the breed and if every one
wsuld follow my. example 10 their wills, in
time, We should g2trid Of them all
MA clergyman was once sent for IN the
middle Of the night By one of the ladies Of
Ills congregation
We'll, my good woman, said be, so you
are very i'll, and require the consultations Of
religion What can / do for YOU p
'No,,Jcplied the old lady, 1 IN not veryill,
] am. nervous and~can't Sleep
'How can <I~help that ; asked the parson.
'0hi SIR, you always pus me to sleep so
nicely when 20 to church. that | thought
III you would only preach little for me r
The parson was taken with leaving right
Of
+nE-TEo jdvenile disputapts discussed as
follows-in cur hearing day or two since
III tell you God iseyerfwhere'
tAint- neither
'Iknow better my snothnr says So
Don't caJs~if she does He amt IN that
wire, tpoi1ting up at the telegraph string,).
COS that amt boiler I
This rather staggered BIS little reverence
for moment, but ere amipute had elapsed,
a triumphant smile lit up biz face, as he re-
sponded -.
well l don't care, 'Hss alfaround it, u
How many skeptic Of larger growth,
might, out Of the mouth Of that sucking
learn wisdom.
nrsOld Bullion having made his appear
ance in the House one Not day during the
late session in slipped pantaloons, but
With bare ANGLES, was asked where be pur-
chased his stockings.
Il got them fromrmy methor, sill. seventy
odd Years ago Y ss sir, and Eaye never
worn hole in them yet
! wA formal fashionable visitor, thus ad-
dressed o little girl
How are you, my dear
tYerY.well, / thank you she replied
The visitor then added Now, my dear,
you should ask me how / ann
The child simply aud honestly replied: i
dent want TO SneF.'
MA spruce young man, in Lowell, gal
limiting his intended, conversing upon the
turnout. remarked, that he wished he was
able to maintain all the factory girls for SIX
months. He would do it to prevent their
returning TO the mills, His fair one, who
had been silent listener to his patriotic
speech, REPLIED with sigh-sAh, sir, wish
You we're able to maintain one ofthem
"A great 'Sh6o Question in India has
beer decided Natives are regsffed to take
of their slippers when they enter the pres
cnes Of the Governor-general; but many a.
dopt European dress-are they to pull OF
their boots This is the last regulation
Natives wearing boots, panialoons and straps
will not be required TO appear baretooted.
lnrMr. Talleyrand was enjoying his rub
Der when the conversation turned on the re-
cent union Of an elderly lady Of respectable
rank <
n msteh1 A person of her birth to marry a
| .yaletde chambre,' said one of the players.
eAh,' replied Talleyrand, II was late in
/, the game at nine We don't reckon honors
I Es-Daddy, want to AZ you aquession.
why is neighbor Smiths liquor shop like a
s eounterfeit dollarf
i ca1't tel, 5my son,
.Becahs, you can't pass i'll said the ur
chin.
{ { Exit Old topper
HrA captain of vessel loading coal
went inte merchants counting room and re
quested the loan of rakse The merehan
looking toward his clerk, replied
II have number of them, butnone | be
lieve, wish to be hauled5eSer the Goals.
n-Many.a fssl has passed for . clsye
man, because be has known how t. hold h
tongue. aud many clever man has passe'
for I fool because be has Dsl known how I
make use Of il.
r<Married, il Indiana, By Rev =. Il
Brush Mr. George Hair to Miss Lucy Coms
It's presumed that Lucy willeonlb George
hair. but whether with three legged ste'
Or Otherwise remains t. BE- seen
HrA genius out west has inst patented
machine f0r making chesnnts out Of svst
notsfoks he is : brother Of the Old gentle
who puts handles e prickiy pears an
~ f6r curry combs
=. nSk<l. 3 good strong adhesive pla'
-. -bpaies stick % their oW
-, nan n ~
n e. dealings, thes -ns . . uprigl