Meigs County telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy [Ohio]) 1848-1859, 1854-02-21
HUMOROUS SELECTIONS.

lIEGldHu,J W lNuuos Gun oSuiSViy .iuti 7" uuNO
noticed tall beggar woman, known as Peg
Connor. who used 10 earn an homes, penny
by begging and kniuing stockings. Peggy,
however, had TWO grea, faults One was.
she drank loo much whisky; and the other
was she very seldom wen, TO confession -
Having at one period been thrown on u bed
of sickness, she promised" (made yow)
that. il she should recover, she would, as
soon as she was able. "go TO ,lsprics.'--,o
confession She recovered. and kep, hes..
promise. As som IS slie a1QfeaeIie silo
confessional, shs Il '|a pew RtI vel
said
We'll. Peggy. 81 700 hsss conn Il lass1'
"Yis plazo yer rverance. an isnh twgme
FOR met"
"W,ll. what sins hove ycalo canfessi''
"Nolhing, parlickler, barrin' The DHHop.''
"That is rue" remarked the priest;
am ,od you drink an im'nodcruie quantity
of whisky. Now tell me. Piggy, how many
glasses do you take during the day2"
"WeI, place yer riverrnce, take a g'aas
airly in the mornin', another about ten, n
couple abou, dinner time, and TWO or three
tOWdIu tfthlu uu' uiteI IHhb uuH keFp
count"
"Oh. you dreadful womar!" exclaimed
the priest. "io Drink such a quantity Of Iiq.
uor; enough, indeed, to destroy, both body
and soul! Bul Twill put penance upon
you. ! will put you down upon one glass
day"
Scarcely were The las. words finished when
Peggy exclaimed, in vnice so loud as 10 be
heard all over the chapel: 30 1t &c a
"Ogh! Ogh! its lhrue. for yer riverencs
I'm great sinner. entirely. and for the love
o goodness will ye double the penaneel"
A Yankee gentleman conveying British
gentleman around to view The different OBJ.
Jecls of attraction in the city Of Boston,
brought him to Bunker Hill.
They stood looking al The splendid shat.
when the Yankee said af
This is the place where Warren fell"
"Ah." replied the Engishmdn, evidently
not posted up in local historical matters.
"did i, hur him muchl"
The native looked al him with the expires.
sion Of fourteen 4h Of Juy's in his coun.
leDance- SIS
"Hur him!" exclaimed he, she was kill.
ed, sir" s. ..~.r
"Ah. he was, eh7" said the stranger, still
eyeing The monument, and computing It's
height in his mind layer by layer; "wells
should have though. hs would have been, 10
fall so lav."
A DELICATE HNT.-A Duichman from the
Wes, went 10 pay His Excelency The Pres
iden. visit. He happened to call jus, as
The Presiden. and four Others were silng
duwn TO dine. The President asked him TO,
be seated. a, the same time nquirIng if there
was anything new or strange in the country.
No. links not, except one Of my cows
hash five calves
'Ah-indeed--and do they all suck a, one
lme.'
No, SIR replied The Dutchman four on
'em suck while The iudder looks on--shusI
as | dosh'
The hint was so magnificent that clean
plate was Immediately ordered, and The
Dulchman seated at The table. where he par.
,onk Of a comfortable dinner with his Ex-
cpllency the President
friend who loves good thing and has
o keen sense of the ludcrous, tells story Of
an lrishmon of ,he bciler class who though,
he mus, conlo,m 10 The fashionable mania
in paying n visit to the Falls OF Niagara
Paddy arrives Al the Falls. and taking look
at .he surrounding wonders, addresses him.
SILL 10 genlleman: "And is this Niagara
Falls?' Yes, was the reply. And What IL
there here 10 make such a bother ab0uG
Why said Ihe genIlemOn, do you not see the
mighty river the deep abyss, lhe greatshset
Of water pouring down. Pa, looking al the
water replies hesiia.ngly, "And Vhat'sto
hinder IT," d
At hotel short time since. girl in. /
qured ofa gentleman ri llie table If bis cur
was out. -s
mo- said he, 'bu, my coffee is.'
The poor girl WINS considerably confused,
but determined 10 pay him IN his own coin.
While a. dinner The Stage drove, up and
several coming in, the gentleman asked.
Does the stage dine herei'
No, sir. exclaimed the girl. in sarcastic
'ohe, 'uut lue passengers 90.
AT a training down east. after an order
was given 10 return ramrods.' one Of the
soldiers broke from ,be line, and was off at
full split. ,llallo. buwlrd The commanding
oific r. where are you goingl' Down lc3
Squire Muggn's 10 return the ramrod Dor
rowej ol him. You said return ramrods.'N
The same old lady who. on a moonshinla
evening. remarked .ha, iii was light as
cork" IN describing some hard swearing
The other day, said "The man swore u
hard as rock"
A Western writer thinks lha, il the propt
way OF spelling Tho is ibough and bo s bes
--lhe proper way he thinks Of spelling pou
toes is poughteighteaur. NE
A PROMISING CRop.--The farmers in Ioy
say il is almost impossible 10 sleep u, mig
on account Of The racket made by the raj
growth Of The corn.
"What are you wiring such big ha
Tor Pall"
why you see. my grandmo,her's d.
and Pm writing loud letter TO her."
ELEeANTINPRoMpTU.
| Truth is mighty,
So is cheesel
Pannys Eighty,
Il So are heas,
II Fien are .aso,oe,D 4l