The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1854-06-21
How Pipkin BloWed Himself,


little punch at drinking frolics with his
friends on particular occasions. He was
first-rate at making excuses for staying out
all night now and then; he was terribly
pressed with business, and MS he took care
never to go home cross-legged, his wife
never suspected anything, and all went on
very well. One night, however, Bill 60,
rather more than he could carry straight
but he didn't find it cut until he was OIL his
way home. lie wouldn't have Susan know
he was in such a situation for the world
and he began thinking rs well as he could
with his head spinning round so, what was
the best to be done to keep her from fnd-
ing him out.
"IIic-l've got it 'zactly," said hc-(hic)
Su-Susan knows I'm (hic) terribly f.fond OF
m-mik. Well I'll jest take big drink
(hc) thatll fix all right-so (hic) sh-shell
never suspect nothing, poor girl"
Home he went. practising straight walk
ing on the way, and studying how he should
talk straight, so that Susan would not find
him out.
When he found the latch, which was on
the wrong side of the door, which opened
the wrong way too he felt around in the
dark for more doors than were ever in the
house before, and into ever-so- many shaped
rooms, till he found the pantry, where he
expected to find some milk. Had no very
clear idea rs to where it ought to be ; so af-
ter feeling about in every place but the
right one, he came to the conclusion to go
to his room and ask his wife where it was
The stairs seemed to be turned upside down
and the bed d.room changed places with the
kitchen, but he made out at last to fpd the
room.
After cleaning his throat, and saying over
his speech so that he could not make. any
mistake, he opened the door and leaning
ng, ,,inst the door post, listened N hear II bis
wife was awake. She was sound asleen
sAll the better for that" thought he.
"Susan! Susun ~ very low and plain.
.'Eh?" said Susan just waking out of n
doze. ais that you come home, my dear,
so late p
"Susan Susan! !" said Bill, not paying
any attention to what she said-his head
being full of the milk Susan!"
"What, my dear?"
as there any milk in the housei'
eyes, dear-but what in the world"
"Susan! Susan!'
"What, dear 7"
"Where is the milk!
"In the pantry in the dining. room, dear
but you had better come to bed now, it's
So
Bill didn't say word but took some ter
rible long steps in the dark. He found the
dining.room again and the pantry, but he
couldn't find the milk anywhere. Amer
trying Eve minutes he went up stairs and
leaning against the door to steady himself
asked his wife again
aSnsan Susan !" said he, very emphati.
cally.
"Eh-what" said she, waking up again
as there any milk in the house!"
81 told you there was some milk in the
pantry, dear"
Down went Bill again. This time he
felt everywhere and upset every thing, max.
ing terrible racket among the crockery
but not drop Of milk to be found.
"Confound the milk" sald he, "where
could they have put It,"
in a minute he was at tie bedroom door
again.
"Susan! Susan :" said he.
Susan snuffrd the snore short off 10 the
middle.
What 7" snid she, rather cross this time
SIS there any milk in houseT
"Yes, told you!"
"Well, where is it 7"
"I told you on The shelf--in the pantry
in the dining room," said Susan, breaking
IL of in short mouthfuls.
That rather scared Bill and put him of
his guard.
"well, Susan" said, he, " Is Il tied up in
anything or is IL laVin' about loose
This was enough-the eat was ont ofthe
bag, and no help for it Mrs. PiPkin was
bright awake in minute, and the way Bill
got caudle that night was enough to
sober the drunkenest husband In creation
He never got corned again---and Il was more
than q year afterwards before he could
drink milk in his coffee, when Susan was
at the table.