Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-04-13
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HOW | LOST "A WIFE.
AN EPISODE
IN A BACHELORS LIFE,


am down on dogs l have the greatest
possible antipathy to dogs, of all breeds
Your noble Newfoundland as they are-in-
appropriately, Ithink-termed by their admir-
ersi your faithful ST. Bernard; youZ-Xlry
haired, active, rat-destroying Scotch terrier !;
your long-legged consumptive-looking grey
hound your pug-tailed pug-nosed and very
pugnacious bulldog your sickly-looking and
snarling poodle-all, individually and collec-
lively, abhor. In short, and most emphati-
cally, too, detest the whole canine race. 1t
Is an old antipathy, and as deeply-rooted as an
elm Of century's growth.
am aware, however. that the bow-wow
tribe is an extensively-favOred one, and there
fore am almost certain that am myself
alone fguratively speaking, in the opinion
entertain in regard to their respective merits
Even now, / imagine hear some nothing
else-to-do young lady. as she lovingly manip-
ulates the soft and glossy curls of her long
cared and red-eyed lap-dog, exclaim, indig-
nantly, 'Oh, the brute!' And thousand
other equally ungenerous and quite as comph-
mentary epithets, l have not the slightest
doubt, will be applied to me by the fanciers of
the noble race in their indignation at my
individual aversion to-dogsI
But why this aversion!' some will doubt
less, and quite naturally, ask. All there
by hangs tale Listen and I'll tell it to
you.
The unhappy event occurred years ago,
when was about twenty-three. At that age
l was as bashful as girl who has never in
dulged in a filtration, and as modest as a Qua
keress. To look female square in the face,
would have brought bushes enough to my
countenance to make beautiful an ordinary
looking girl. That admired loved, adored
the dear creatures, was true but always 81
lently and unobserved. However, after a
while, | overcame many little peculiarities
that kept me aloof from the charming society
of dear woman. Through the example, aid
and encouragement of an old chum and room
mate-Charley B,-L became initiated, broke
the ice,' and was going in with rush,
when was-unfortunately, l must acknowl-
edge-suddenly checked by an event brought
about by confounded dog an event that de-
prived me of a.lovely wife, half dozen
lively babies-probably-a a life of blissful
happiness. Think of that, ye admirers of the
canine race, and pity me no, don't pity me,
but-exterminate the race wipe them all
from existence Husbands who have lovely
and confding wives; wives who have affec-
tionate and faithful husbands children who
have dOating parents lovers who have the
whole in expectancy think Of what | am
now, and what might have been'-if it hadn't
been for an accursed dog and raise your
voices loud, and. in unison, in favor of the
formation of Dog Exterminating Associa-
tion. I'll invest my pile in it. But to my
sad and never-to-be-forgotten story.
My friend Charley had any quantity of love-
ly sisters and cousins, to whom he introduced
me, and with whom / fell in love-one Of
whom, should have said-one of the sisters.
Mary was her name. Sweet name And an
gelic possessor of that sweet name Could
but those happy days be recalled-could but
once more gaze into those brilliantly black
eyes-could but once more press to my pal
pitating heart that classic form-coud /
Hold your horses = What am | talking
about! never got quite as far as this ; suf-
fee it TO say, however, that was up to my
neck in love with Mary, and fattered my
self she smiled approvingy on me.
What delicious sensation one experiences,
at times, when he is in love-doesn't he 4
If ever man gets an idea of Heaven, il is
about that time. It's some years since ex-
perienced its heavenly influences still, how
ever, time has not wholly effaced its delicious
recollection from my memory. Even now,
when | think of Mary, my rather aged blood
seems to course more rapidly and warmly
through my old veins, giving new life and ami
nation to my somewhat shaky frame. And
ahen old recollections crowd upon my brain
the angelic face of Mary is before my eyes,
and-then comes the horrid image of that dog
TO dispel the enchanting illusion. Get out !
Ayaunt, ye cursed brute
Well, as said before, fell in love with
Mary. OF course did How could avoid
doing sol And | fattered myself that the
very particular attention paid to her for a
brief period-unhl the unlucky event icon
found that dog y occurred which have before
alluded to-was not at all Objectionable. OH!
what happiness was mine then! What bliss
full anticipations | revelled in What-what
never mind now--its useless to recall those
pleasant memories of the past-they only add
to the miseries of my bachelor life, and render
more heinous in my eyes, a-dog
Distance alone prevented me from being as
frequently in the society of Mary as was my
desire. Her residence was in the country,
about eight or nine miles from the city; and
as.money was limited article with me at that
time, and team rather expensive, my Wis
its were quite necessarily only semi-occasion-
al. About every two weeks, myself and my
friend Charley used to pay visit to the farm;
he to see his relatives, and me to-of course
the reader can imagine my object. And here
again is an opportunity to episode little
Oh, what-Bah that infamous dog again =
All pleasant recollections of Mary vanish from
..:-l ,,,Lec I thinL of that defestahle doc