The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1854-07-12

t1an that OF political editors on the eve Of
an election.
A CERTAIN LAWYER had his portrait Ia
ken in his favorite misunderstanding with
his hands in his pockets. His friends and
clients all went to see it, and every body ex-
claimed
"Oh how like the original It's the very
picture of him"
"Taint like" exclaimed an old farmer.
"Just show us where it's not like him."
said they.
"ISint, no taint," replied the farmer,
"don't you see he's got his hands in his own
pocket! 'twould be as like again, if he had
his hand in somebody elses."
AN ELDERLY FEMALE, on being examin-
ed before the magistrate of Bungay, as to
her place of legal settlement, was asked
what reason she had for supposing that her
deceased husbands settlement was in st
Andrews. The old lady, looking earnestly
at the Bench, said, He was born and mar
ried there, and they buried him there, and
if that amt settling there don't know what
is.
Is YOUR horse perfectly gentle, Mr.. Dab
ster?
"Perfcctly gentle, sir, the only fault he
has got, if that be a fault, is playful habit
ofextending his hinder hoofs now and then" +"
"By extending his hinder hoofs you Iont
mean kicking, hope?'
Some people call it kicking, Mr.. Green,
Sut it's only slight reaction of his muscles,
disease rather than a vice"
The conscience of great minds is often
remarkable. For instance, only few days
age we heard, a pretty little brunette of sin
teen say to her mother, very affectionatelr,
May be married mama! married, re-
piled the astonished mother "for what rea-
son '"-"Why, ma, the children have never
seen edding-I think a marriage might
please them!"
Some sharp young editor, who has asso-
ciated with such only, grows " itty about
men marrying paint, cotton, whalcbone, silk,
&c. 1t would be easy to return the com.
pliment, for women have actually married
creatures Of hair, bears grease, tobacco,
logwood, done up in tight pants and bob
tail coats. Perfect little crealures-these
men.
Talking comes natural to women. We
suppose it is born in the dears. While man
I runs clear ashore for words, and has nothing
more to say than stone post, woman keeps
| up flow of verbals as fast and as wide as
Niagera. There is no more end to woman's
tongue than there is to cart wheel.
An old lady once said that her idea of
great man was, "a man who vas keerful of
his clothes, don't drink of spirits, kin read
the Bible without spelling the words, and
kin eat cold dinner on washing days TO
save the wimmen folks the trouble of cook
ing"
A New VIEW OF NAGRA.-The Ohio
State Journal tells a story of an Trishman
ofthe better class who thought he must con-
| form to the fashionable mania in paying
visit to the Falls of Niagara. Paddy arrives
at the Falls, and taking look at the sur.
rounding wonders, addressed himself to
gentleman -. And is this Niagra Falls :,
| Yes was the reply. And what is there
here to make such bother about asked
Paddy, Why said the gentleman do you
not see the mighty river, the deep abyss, the
great sheet of water pouring DOWN. Pat
looking at the water, replies, hesitatingly,
And phats TO hinder ii?
Queer philosophers these children aWell
what do they have teeth fort"
The doctor who operates for catta racts. is
going up to see if he can't do something for
Niagra.
Soft soap, in some shape pleases all, and,
generally speaking, the more lye you put
into it the better
1t is said there is a swamp at the South
so bad, that the birds never fly over il from
fear ofbogging their shadows.
money lender serves you in the present
tense, he lends you in the conditional mood.
keeps you in the subjunctive, and ruins you
in the future
LORD Byron one day, observing TO Rogers
that Punning was the lowest species of wit
--"lndeed," said Rogers. ats the founda-
ton"
The eighth deadly sin, that of Anxiety of
Mind causes us to be pining and miserable,
when we ought to be grateful and happy.
There Is something beautifully pous and
tender about that word Of said import, "a
dieu r That is" May God guard you--to
God commit you.