Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1854-06-14
SPICY ARTICLES.

SPICY ARTICLES. 81
Principles, like coffee, should be well set
tied.
Did you ever know chap so scurvy look
ing that politician wouldn't shake hands with
him before election!
If your mothers mother was my mothers
aunt, what relation would your great-grand-
fathers nephew be to my elder brothers SON.
in-lawl 8.. 81,
He who makes real jokes is called wag:
but he who makes only heavy attempts at jok-
ing, may be termed a wagon Wouldnt' a
slow coach" be better term!
"The woman who attempted to scour the
woods, has abandoned the job, owing to the
high price Of soap.suds." The last was heard
of her she was skimming the seas.
Mrs. Darlington says she don't see what they
want with grand jury. She thinks that a CON-
mon jury is grand enough, as her husband felt
so grand when he was on a jury that nobody
dared to speak to him for month afterwards.
Sammy my son, how many weeks belong
to the year!" "Forty-six, sir" "Why, Sam
my, how do you make that out! ?" "The other
six are Lent" Smother, put that boy to bed.
He's getting to forard."
1t is said that the editor ofthe Massachusetts
Life Boat is delighted to learn that the Gar
refuses to treat" The next steamer he hopes
will bring the news of his joining the temper
ance society.
Missus Thomson, massa sent me over to
borry or beg pound of hog taller he says he
got de old sow up in de pen, fatten, he gwin
to kill her day before yesterday, and he cum
one week fore last, and pay you all you owe
US"
We heard good joke once of party of
young fellows who found fault with the butter
on the boarding house table. "Wbat is the
matter with it 2" said the mistress. "Just you
ask it, said one, it is old enough to speak for
itself"
Never joke with ladies on matrimony or bread
making. 1t is very wrong. They are both
sacred One refers to the highest interests of
the heart, and the other to those of the stom-
ach Young men will please chalk it down in
their hats.
Judge Metcalf, in charging the Jury in case
at Lowell last week. said Gentlemen, this case
developed some of the most painful manifesto
tons OF deprarity which it has ever been my lot
to witness. God only knows who lies-bm
somebody does!
APPRopRIATE.-The editor of the Aspinwall
Courier has taken for the motto of his paper
the following lines from the orthodox hymn
book:
"Lo on narrow neck ofland,
Twixt two unbounded seas / stand"
A GEoLoGIsT NoNPLUssED.-An old bachelor
geoiogstwas boasting that every rock was as ia
nliar to him as the alphabet. a lady who was
present declared that she knew of rock of
which he was wholly ignorant. "Name it mad
anne J" cried CGlebs in rage. at is rock the
cradle sir" replied the lady. Celebs eyapora-
ted a.e. sat Ei ~
The following coloquy took place between
two urchns OH Friday morning last
Say, Bill Jones, are you going to the
eclipse 2"
"No, can't haint got no ticket nor no
money to buy any,"
No more haint !, but we can hook in as we
did to the circus, can't we?'
A LITERARY BLUNDER.-A country sculptor
was ordered to engrave on tombstone the
following words:
virtuous woman is crown to her husband.
But the stone being small, he engraved it.
A virtuous woman is IS to her husband
A DUNNING LETTER.-Mr. A., Sir
TO avoid all proceedings unpelasent,
beg you will pay what is due;
Ifyou do, will ob!ige at present,
Ifyou don't, why then I'll oblge you'