The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1854-02-09

should be broke in, as you call it, Buster!
That's just what 1 want to do to you
l have had experince sufficient to enable
me to teach you. Now, who is that lady /?
Miss Matilda Jane Collins
'Ah! exclaimed Bluster, she'll make a
good wife. Why fear her?'
Because said Olddint, hesitating, land
looking very red in the face. Because
I'm afraid she'd try to wear the pants
You know her sister, Browns wife, has
the upper hand of him; and that's what l
hate in a woman, Blustcr. She might
turn out shiftless, lazy, unrefned! D-n
me if | would stand that
Nonsense, OldHint Brown is only
half man-any woman could manage
him; and she only displays good sense in
taking the reins into her own hands
well, perhaps 1 might as well run the
risk now as ever. I'll consider the mat
ter anyhow. I think I'll 60 it blind
But if she should attempt to boss me!
Never fear, my dear fellow, said Blus-
ter; with the aid of my experience, you
might venture on marriage with the most
turbulent female in the village of Buck
town.
Il don't care about my wife being so
handsome or accomplished; don't want
wife for display. [ want woman who
will give me all the enjoymcnts of domes-
tic felicity, without its costing me any
trouble or interfering in the least with
my ordinary pursuits. This she may not
expect to afford me. If she don't, wish
to know how to make her. Let me as
certain that, and I'll marry
well, OldRint, your wishes shall be
gratifed. Now, tell me what you think
of ME as a husband-of my wife-of our
domestic felicity?'
'Why, you are happy, and satisfied
with your condition, which is evidence e.
nough of your good qualities as hus-
band; your wife is one of the neatest, best
natured, most devoted little bodies I know
of-just the thing for wife; and, under
these Circumstances you enjoy domestic
felicity
Cad, I DO, Oldfint, that's fact But
such woman as she was when | got her!
A dozen Matilda Jane Collinses are no
comparison-she was so difficult to man
age. [ thought to do it, just perhaps as
you do, but twas no use; the more liberty
[ gave her, the more she'd take. 1t fnal-
ly came to that pass that [ seemed only
a fixture in my own house. Now you
see how it is. There's not a man in Buck
town that has more obliging or obedient
wife than l; out it's all owing to my train
ing her; and you-you poor ignoramous
you imagine its all done through kind
ness. Ha! ha! No, no, Oldfint. All
those kind looks, and gentle attentions, as
they're called, which husbands exhibit in
public, are only for display-a kind of
conventional formality. Its behind the
scenes, in the private family circle, where
you've got to 60 to understand the thing
as it is. Now my wife, for year or so
after we married, had it all her own way;
but by that time, l became heartily tired
of playing the lover,-and'
You put the pants on yourself, eh!'
Didn't I, though! and havn't l got
them on vet! This was the true kind Of
kindness. Women know that we're the
strongest, and know the most; so when
we act that way-when We command and
don't entreat-they think we are only
acting manly
Buster seemed to be in his element,
and gave his friend long discourse on
the proper management of a wife. He
finally wound up with
Come tomorrow evening to tea, and
then we'll talk more on this matter
OldAint agreed to it, and then Bluster
took his leave.