The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1854-11-08

c0mritnked, Some dir culftoo mu1s er1So. Tnef0
wrrs numerous cand Gates for eve-y snbordinste
Some were mortified ID disappoin.sd az tne ne :,
extraordinary and scontroveftibls discoye les lich
ha been mace res ,ecspg the qualities OF the goose
For the nome Mt they eclipsed aud threw them INTO
the shade, aud tn reilly felt that similar DIS
ccveries might, by . little effort, be made
respecting themselves. A degree Of eager
impotence began to prevail, wht;n tarsss
ened tumult and cOrfusion-e ~ like waat
Some sho wed their teeth and some their class, SONS
barked aud others growled or squea.ed, ana 1t be.
came evident that n0ne but TIE most skilful MAN.
egemfrt and the most libe al promises OF pick,ngs
ANA plumber to al not included In the ticket, would
aysil 10 Sc ,nre satisfactory Issue. Usdsr these
circumstances the committee. hopioe TO divert At
teDtioD and calm the rising Jealousy, a,tfuiy pro-
pcstd to oefer the ncminAtOn Of vice presidsDt.
fearing indeed that some quadrupec might, IN site
of them, bs insisted 90, whom IL woult be danger.
ous TO Place IN so near relation TO 'he goose-aad
to select candidate for the next m0st responsible
Off r., That Of treasurer. They therefore des;aatei
largely on the nature o. that Office, snd the qu,il
ties Le cessary in the incumbent, in order that tue
SPOTS might be shared ind,scr miua.ey by all con.
cerned. He must himsef, they said, be course,
vulgar, unfeeiipg, ucscrupulous, hard aeassed
grseping. c0vetous, dsceit'ui, Iyng brute, WIN sa
wage instincts, cayr:on stomach raoid delight Ia
the snferings OF his vi ,tms ana utter contempt OF
public opinion. There we're several cand0ases
within the ciYc'e of their rsdi al party, IN shom
these qualitieswefe lacking only In degree. lac Won
FOR example, whom they rec pected ana ioved icr
most OF these traits, and when they intended TO
propose for another place. vas not adequate TO shis
as ne probably would be the first TO admit He h I'd
too much teB0erness and delicacy Il feeling 700
keen sense Of jus ice, too little appetite Tor blood
10 heavy heels 10 kick with, too quick feus5 vi
honcr--in word, too much cooscis pce. But they
1attered themselves that the candidate they were
about to propose, would be as cnnlIous'y accepted
as the goose had bsen. They had Consulted sim
49, ,aAIr NFwfs.
that If allowed TO gorge himself SC the fun, he
would leave others freely to share the rest
Ct the plumber. It vas the jackass, o
brute we'll known by his gatb, nj.
voice, bis Unsuitable stomach and h,s heels. as veil
as by all the other admirable qualities above n,co-
t0nee. A general burst Of applause folio sed !ois
nomination, as in that which preceded il. Every
one felt that the commtte, BY their 'rdiasry
discernnelt ard impariiality, hsd hit the nail on
the head. The loDgeared animal with the Unlike
exteri II, brsyed applause. The evil alone was sieos,
absorbed in anxious thought about himself. The
jackass Unstable treasurer, and the sequel as
in the case Of the goose, fully justified the choice.
aud for reasons which they thought would be obvi-
Gus, when they stated that his only rival was the
serpent, who declined q nomination on being pro
missed the situation Of chief clerk, or pronpser to
the Sec etary, which situation he ias!inctively
preferred to the other Office, sure to afford him
more scope, power, and influence. This nominati00,
like the Others, was Immediately hailed aud con.
1rmed as capital hit: and j. was equally justified
by events.
president; and in order TO qualify ths yearnings OF
number of candidates who associated with the
office tie idea of honor without toll anxiety. the
committee, with their o. customed tact, determined
to associate with it the duties OF Chairman OF TIE
Committee on Contrasts and to prepare the way
for the candidate whom, for their own purposes,
they intended to propose, they gave .. length their
views Of the management and administration OF the
undertaking, which would be necessary in order to
euch delays, difficulties ard emba.i assments as
would, year after year for many years, give full
gcope to regulation and pluLder, that all might
share to their hearts content, IS provided for
in their preliminary resolutions.
They obse we'd that as The business OF the President
was to be that OF nod ling assent and thereby con-
frmiDg whatever was done In tbs nsma of the Cor.
po ation without ever turning either Of his eyes in
the direction of what was placed before him for ap
prevail and that Of the Treasurer to make way with
the funds and supplies IS fast as taey came within
his control, 20 that of the Chairman Of Contrasts
must be to agree to ali the proposals, of whatever
nature or amoHst, chat might be submitted to him
by either OF his colleagues Ia the mao agemsnt, by
their agents and eubofdinates, and by contractors
and Others outside, all vieng vita each other 20
mv tiply ard enlsrge Rte expenditure, so to rem
Ger ,esssry at all tines TO have iIcalcuah
amount OF supplies flowing iuto tae treasury, that
the scbeIae Of universal plumber migtS be s1c; S.
full II Was therefore proper IN tstlf, ana necessary
to avfic suspicion. that he should be distinguished
By TIE Office OF Vie President and 80 be nexa IL
rauk TO the goose: that he should be gray, grave
ard thoug htfn,; fhat be should DO blin0, or ~
early so AS rossible. and ute ly devoid Of
anc feeling They therefore felt assured that they
should be -upi orted in their NOMINATION OF ths D vi
for that double office; and the event shovel t7at
they had lot bren more 70 ;ucase 10 any Of thsir
PROPOSITIONS 10 tie caucus than ia this. The merits
Of the 0,sl were unanimously voted % be fally an-
swessble TO the reasons assigned for his appoint
nent.
N,t- nt,.a
was that Of suiveyo7, for which candidate
must be felectcd-not because Of his even pre-
tending to ksve any distinctive character in
any respect, any knowledge of surveying, or any
capacity whatever to aid in the const ,action Of
the road, bot the contrary Of 81 Thu. The whole
aim and Drift Of his efforts must be to cause delays
embarraasme nts aud difficulties to waste aud squan
der che funds TO propose charges in the route OF the
road, to undo what had been done even under his
Own direction, to assist thieves, peculators and de-
signing kIaves in their schemes Of puader, to de
wise ard propose new exps riments ard Few objects
of expenc ture wholly foreign 10 the Legitimate under
talks g. ard, in fine, TO be auxiliary to multiple
cation of wastefu contracts ard expen dturee there
by rendering the collection of vast revenues neces
cary, and divertirg toem as plumber into the hands
Of the managers and their radical supporters IL
was plain that he must he o hea-iless compound OF
knave, fool and hypocrite, weak, credulous and
was not one that naturally possessee the instincts
and qualities necessary to tie service required in
this depar tmens aid they were therefore obliged to
have recourse 10 oEe Of the mongee nnrsupis fami.
les who being addicted to mischief, deception aud
stealing, aud having no sfRoity or sympathy with
other creatures, any se ction for any Of them,
or attachment to them, was ready trom mercelary
motives to serve them in their nefarieus 81 hemes
They therefore nomiI ated the monkey Tor surveyor
which was silently acquiesced in, the goose only
nodding assent.
For the rest Of the appointments there were but
too many eligible candidates. Of the right stamp and
the Judgment of the nominating committee was
no longer held in any ooubt. For general sur.
veyor, regulator and bottle hoiaer, after re.
viewing their interded place OF Operators, aud
cor sideiing tina, each OF the VI hole party was
in fact to be purveyor and agent for hitnselt and
would des re 10 neddIesome interference with his
private schemes, they prop SEQ swine, feeling
sure they said, OF he only point of nuch import
ance, namtly, that In general lie would act in hsr.
nopy With the goose, and 10 case Of any dispute
about The contents of puddle, or any other spois
ccud 0veTpower him.
To complete the list Of managers, they selected,
with the greatest importantly, from different CLASSIC;
and so obvious was the hMes vt tie Candidates,
that II any dissatisfaction was felt. i. hypocrit
EsCs f.., Uvaa. skar