The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1854-07-26
A SAN FRANCISCO AUCTloNEER


The reporter of the San Francisco Neos fur
nishes that Psper the following report Of a
speech made BY "a California auctioneer:
s.Ladies and gentlemen now have the hon
or Of putting up a fine pocket handkerchief ];
a yard wide coed thick one half cotton, and 9th
hall cotton too. beautifully printed with stars
and stripes on one side, and the stripes and
stars on I, other. 1t y i'll wipe dust from the
eyes SO completely as to be Death to the dem
agogues, and make politics 40 bad a business as
printing papers Its great length, breadth, and
thickness, together with its dark color, will sn-
able it 10 hide dust and never need washing
Going at one dollar? seventy FIVE cents?-ffiy
cents? 20 biz Nobody wants it oh thank
you, Sit
sNex' gentlemen for The ladies won't be per-
united To bid on this ARTICLES a real, simon
pure. tempered, highly polished, keen-edged
Sheffield razor brand spankin sew never
opened before 10 sunlight, moon light, star
light day light, or gass light, sharp enough 70
shave a lawyer cr cut disagreeabe acquain.
tances "s poor relation: handle of buck horn;
with all the rivets but the two at the ends Of
pure gold Who will give two dollars? half a
dollar .Why, lnng-bearded, dirty faced repro
bates, with not room enough on your phizzes for
a Chimes woman to kiss, Tam offering you
bargain at half adollar Well will throw in
this strap at halfa dollar razor and srap
Ia recent patent; two rubs upon it will sharpen
The city attorney all for four bits and apiece
OF soap--sweeter than roses, fathers better than
a chool master, and strong enough to wash ont
al the stains from Califoria politicians coun
tenance, all for four bits Why, you have only
to put the razor-strap and soap under your pill
low at night to wake up in the morning clean
shaved. Won't anybody give two bits, then,
for the lot l know would sell EN-
"Next, ladies' and gentlemen, offer three
pairs socks. hose, stockings, or half hose, Just
as you've a mind call them, KNIT by a machine
made on purpn se out Of cotton wool. The man
buys thes will be enabled 10 walk till he gets
tired: and provide his boots are high enough,
needn't have any coins the legs are as long as
bills against the Corporation, and as thick as
fhe heads of the members of the Legislature.
Who wants,em at one half dollar. Thank ee,
madam, the money.
"Next, offer you pair of boots: made es-'
pfcially for San Francisco, with heels long en-
ough to raise man up TO the Hoadiey grades,
and nails TO insure against being carried over
by land slide legs wide enough to carry two
rsvolvers and a bowie-kniie, and the uppers of
the best Nurse leather. man in these boots
can move about easy as the State Capital.
Who says twenty dollars? All the tax PAYERS
ought TO bay pair 20 kick the coucil with every
body ought to have pair to kick the Legis
lure with aud they a be found IF assistance kick
ing the bucket-Ten dollars for legs urpers
and soles whole souls, and miserable souls
that, are bringing twenty thousand dollars in
Sacramento ! gone at ten dollars!
"Next is something that you ought to have
gentlemen, lot Of good gallows-some times
called sasPenders. | know that ,ome Of YOU
will after while be furnished at the State
expense, bat you can't tell which one, 8 o buv
where there cheap. All that deserve hang
ing are supplied with a gallows ifs there would
be nobody to make laws, condemn criminals,
or hang culpri,s until new election. Made
of pure gam -elastic--stretch like judges con.
science, and last as long as California Office
holder VIII steal buckles Of pure iron and war
ranted to hold so light ttat mans wife can
rob him ofthe breecfss; are, in short, as strong
as good, as perfect. effec;aal, and as bona fde
as the perfect, as the-gnae at twenty. five G. nts