Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1854-04-12

How MEN "BUsT UP."-Msn with unassuIn-
ing wives never fail. 1t is the husbands of
such women as Mrs Dash and Lady Brilliant,
who find themselves face to face with the sher-
iff and certain mysterious documents adorned
with red tape and waters big enough for target
exercise ~ ~ -
The desire Of a New York feminine is to out
shine her neighbors-not in mental acquire
ments, but in gingerbread ornaments and gold
edged coal scuttles. If Mrs Dash gives game
supper-woodcock stuffed with gold dust-La-
dy Brilliant takes the wind out of her sail by
getting up another, in which the prevailing dish
will be birds of paradise, swimming in a gravy
made of melted pearls 1t is this rivalry, and
not "dabbling in railroad stocks" that brings
ruination TO the fast men of Wall street. The
Z" "ill-fortune' of which they complain, is no more
or less than brainless wife. If they would
come back to happiness, they should direct their
attention not to the fluctuations Of the stock
market, but to the ruinous absurdites of their
own fire-side. Thousand dollar repasts don't
pay, while the merchant who purchases hundred
dollar handkerchiefs for ga duck Of a wife,"
should not wonder if the time eventually comes
when "a goose of husband" lacked shirts, and
was but i.supplied with breeches.
SURGERY AMONG THE FowLs-Dr. S.
came to settle at Bloomfield, half mile north
of what's now Piety-Hill or Birmingham, in
1920, and commenced farming end the practice
of medicine. A year or two afterwards, neigh
Dor, as he was then called, that is, man who
lived about eight miles off, with whom the doe
tor was at variance, called him, about the GEN.
tire of bitter winter night to 90 to his house
and set a broken leg. The doctor was never
backward in obeying professional call, and
was under way in short order Arriving at tho
place, he found the patient to be an old gander
who sure enough had broken leg, so he set
himself at work, made spnts and bandages put
the leg in location, and went home, leaving Mr..
Gander as comfortable as could be expected.
In due time the owner Of the gander was pres
ented;with bill Of $40, for surgical services,
which he refused to pay. DR.. S. sued him
before justice. recovered the amount with
costs, the gander appealed or his owner did for
him, the judgment was affirmed with new costs,
the gander took another and last appeal to
the Supreme Court, were the judgment be-
low was affirmed with new costs, from which
court an execution issued for $50, damages, and
$3.50, costs of suit, which was levied on the
farm and finally paid, leaving the world in doubt
which was the greatest goose OF theitwo-the
gander or his owner, .,at tre .7,t,p.-.
ANEcDoTE OF DR.. HoPKINs-A good story il
told, illustrating President Hopkins mode OF
college management. II seems that on one oc-
casion there had been good deal Of noise in
one of the college buildings, by the blowing of
tin horns; which was deemed advisable should
be stopped. A direct edict to that effect would
probably have done but little good The Doc
tor knew it, and had recourse to speech. {.
have noticed, young gentlemen, said he, that in
one of the college buildings, there has of late
been good deal of noise, and footing of horns.
Now do not know, in tho abstract, that there
is any wrong in blowing tin horn--but in this
case it is rather annoying to persons of delicate
nerves, and is apt to prejudice those passing bv
against the state of discipline in the college.
Now, as | said, there is no particular harm in
blowing horns-but neither is there any partic-
ular merit in it; it does not prove anything as
to aman's ability Anybody can toot, too, ,toot,
after a little practice. Indeed recollect num-
Der of my fellow-students when was in col
lege used to be continually footing, and one
thing have Loticsd about them, and that is
that those same men hare been footing erer since
1t is said footing went out Of date in Williams
College about that time. ~@ .'"
The following is the advice of an examining
judge to young lawyer on admission. "Sir
it would be idle to trouble you further You
are perfect; and will dismiss you with few
words of advice, which you willdo well to fol-
low. You will find it laid down as maxim of
civil law, never to kiss the maid when you can
kiss the mistress. Garry out this principle, sir
and you are safe. Never say boo, to a goose
when she has the power to lay golden eggs
Let your face be long-your bills longer New.
er put your hand into your own pocket when
any body else's is handy. Keep your con-
science for your own private use, and don't