Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1854-02-08
Cousin Sally billiard.

ScENE-Couri OF Justice IN Norih Carolina.
a beardlcss disciple of Themis ariaes and
fsrus addresses the Court: May it please
your.honor, and you, gentlemen Of the Jury,
since it has been my fortune (good or bad
will not sny) to exercise myself in legal dis.
QUESTIONS, it has never before befallen me to
he obliged to prosecute SO direlu, marked
and malicious an ASSAULT more direful,
wiIful, dangerous battery, and finally. more
diabolical breach OF the peace it has never
been your duty to pass upon, one SO shock.
ing to benevolent feelings, as that which
sook place at Captain Rice's in this county.
But you will hear from the witnesses"
The witness being sworn, two or three
were examined, and depose: One said that
lie had heard the noise but did not see the
hsht; another that he saw the row, but did
not know who struck first; and third that
he was very drunk, and couldn't say much
of the skirmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am very sorry gentle
men, to have occupied your time with the
atupidity Of the witnesses examined. Had
known, as now do, that had witness
in attendance who was acquainted with all
the circumstances Of the case, and who WAS
cnabled to make himself entirely understood
by the Court and jury, ! should not SO long
have trespassed on your time and patience.
Come forward Mr.. Harris and be sworn.
So forward came the witness, a fat, chub-
by looking man, "leetle" corned, and
took his corporal oath.
Chops-Harris we wish you to tell about
the riot that happened the other night at
Capt. 'Rice's; as good deal of time has
been already wasted in circumlocution, you
will please be as explicit as possible.
Harris--Exactly-giving the lawyer a
knowing wink and at the same time clearing
his throat-Capt. Rice, he gin treat, and
cousin Sally billiard, she came over to our
house aud axed me il my wife mout'nt go.
] told cousin Sally billiard that my wife she
was poorly, being as how she had touch
Of the rteumatis in the hip, and the big
swamp was in tho road, and the big swamp
was up, for there had hcen heap of rain
lately, but howsomever rs it was she, cousin
Sally billiard, my wife she mout GO.
Well, then cousin Sally billiard axed me
if Nose he mou.'nt 90. | told cousin Sally
billiard that Nose he was the foreman Of the
crap, and the crap was smartly in tho grass,
but howsnmever, as it was she, cousin Sally
billiard. Nose he mout go.
Chops-In the name Of common sense,
Mr. Harris, what do you mean by this rig.
marolea Do say what yeu know about the
riot
Witncss-Capsain Rice, he gin treat,
and cousin Sally billiard, shc came over to
our house and axed me il my wife mout'ns
20. told cousin Sally Dillard-
Cbops-S.op, sir, il you ploase, we don't
wantto hear anything abont cousing Sally
billiard aud you, wif.-toll US about the
fight at Rce's.
,Wi,nsss--Well, will sir, If you will lot
Chops-Weil SIR. go on.
Wi,ness-Well. Capt Rice he gin .reat,
and cousin Sally billiard she came over to
our house and axed me If my wife mous'nt
20, and.
Chops-There it is again; witness. please
70 rtop
Witness-Well Dir, what do you want
Chops-We want to know about sbe
fight, and you must net proceed with this
impertinent story. Do you know anything
about sbe matter before the Coursl
Wisness-1'o be sure | do.
Chops-Well 60 on and toll it, and moth.
ing else.
Wi,neas-Wcll, Capt. Rice he gin treat
and cousin
Chops-This is intolerable May il please
the Court, move This witness be committed
sor contempt; he seems to be trifing with
this Court.
Court Witness, you are now before 2
court Of Justice, and less you behave your
arlf in more becoming manner, you will
he jailed. So begin. and tell what you know
about the fgh. at Rice's.
Witness-(aiarmed) We'll. gentlemen,
Capt. Rice be gin treat, and comm Sally
billiard
Chops--I hope the witness may be or.
dered into custody.
Court-(after deliberating) Mr.. Attorney
fhe Court is Of opinion that we may cave
time By telling the witness to go on in his
own way. Proceed Mr.. Harris, with your
story, but stick to the point
Wi,ncss-Yes, gentlemen I will do 80.
Well Capt Rice he gin treat, and cousin
Sally Dillard came over to our house and
axed me il my wife she mout'nt 60. told
cousin Sally Dillard that my wife she was
poorly, being as how she had the rhematics
in the hip, and the big swamp was up; but
howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dill.
lard, my wife she mout 60. Well, cousin
Sally billiard then axed me if Nose, he
nrout'nt go. told cousin Sally billiard as
Nose he was the foreman of the crap, and
the crap WAS snartly in The grass, but how.
ssmever. as il was she, cousin Sally billiard,
Nose he ssout 60. So they goes on togeth.
or, Nose, my wife and cousin Sally Dalard,
and they come to the big swamp, and it was
up, ss was telling you, but being as how
there was log across the big swamp, cou.
sin Sally billiard and Nose. like gentle folks,
they walked the log, but my wife, lie a
drafted fool, tucked up her clothes and
waded right through, cotch cold, aud has
had the rheumatics ever since, and that's all
7 Iknow about the fghi.
srEAn WHzsrLE.-Siduey Smith once
said that a railway whistle seenaed to hran