The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1854-05-06
Sam smiths sOlilOQuy.
By FANNY FERN.

BY FANNY FERN.
"By the beard of the prophet? what a
thing it is to bca bachelor | wonder vh,n
this table was busted last ! | wonder how
long since that mattress was turncd,'r that
carpet swept or what was the prime val color
of that ever aud washbas'n.
"Christophcr Columbus. how the frost
curtains the windows; how dirgt like the
wind moans how like great white pail
the snow falls Five times I've rung that
bell for coal for this rck,tty old CRATE, but |
ri.ight as well t!ump for adm ttance Ut the
gat OF Paradise,
And speaking Of Paradisc-Sam Smith,
you must be married; you hay'nt a button
to your shirts, nor shirt to your buttons ci.
thcr. Wonder if WON are such obstinate
hltlc monkeys t" rnanag,t Wonder If they
must be bIiJed with new bonnet every day
to keep the peace? Wonder il YOU bring
home friend Unexpectedly To dinner, if they
always take TO their bed with the sicl. hgaG-
ache! Wish tacrc Was one way Of nui.n.
out, but by experience. Well sam, YOU a.c
Napoloon looking fellow; il y00 cant
take the nonsense ont Of a woman, who cam
How shall pct the little clipper III marry
blue eyed woman they are the most at
iectiOnatc. She must not be too tall a mans
wife shouldn't iook d0tcu upon him. She
mtl., NOT kpoyy to, ,u,,.h ,h, Enri,. ,,I,
your p.,t catom.nnty s.ril,Iling y,o ,,'r
with rrna,,rn ,l,ynys ro,l,J nm ,oJ, ~ RI, r.
,,ngue SLc ,,us,,'tI, n,, ',,.'-,.. L,,,
Lnw ,o lnJfb"t ln, San, ,s ,.,. n','.s,;,'',
is ,l..,, ~, ,,.,, ~ ~ ,,ai,n 49,, I'll ,,l,
Won the truth.al,out his suI,s~,irtion Ts,-
Sbr utust f. Larl.,,,., ,,,. ,,,,,.,', :,h.,
| should i. ~ i,.,'oug ~ p;nn pc.rd All
ri,r rorks,r,,, non,,lo,,,J ,,,rr,r,cd ,.,,'.,,.
ioy. .u.l L' n.f;n,, b,r rn, ,i,,, ..Ii.,;,.
t,,,,'. ,i l.r. H. -,'a, AMI u.r", ,..,'7'.
,,' rr.,.t II Gr,oS.;. ,i,a4 '' ca"r,,r ~ r,
NJ H., ,lIl. W. - 49,, "a
must b. bont.om.. ,hot IL .s mich ,,r"d
uniDt ~ mat Iou;s Xarrl,o, has. ,r,.-...-
horror of IL,,a
uNorJ :, IT. ,.,.. ,,.. .,,-,,.,,.... .,,..,..,
Wond,, rtl,i,. .,;,,,. b.nJi -...,,.o ,,,d
+, ..,.,,b ON, l,,sr,.,Js' ,.'s' ~, T.,
Taul!.. ,.,,ur.zar,., ,,II j., ,-I.,,,,,, ,.
c,.io,aII,. in ,,,,r,.,gry iyn,aI, ~ Ii.
inya,iai,f,. ar, ,bc ,.i,b, ,;-,,, -, cr,. =,
"'r, r,,,t,. not 90 -. San, What,
,r It's brttor to 20 buttonlcss, and TO silver
or marry and b. alMnYs in Lot watar.2
"IheTe's Iom iIili,i. Toms married. |
~aS his groomslnan would have given a
small fortune 10 have ha.o iu his Uh;'. .-':..
'.St " hat WIN IN" muse ana thc ios. =
ana thc liytiy i'tic hn4'N N'"ai"f h'd" l
~" 'f'dG iooE n'"!i' a'l1' win 'i,1 rose
la.i,g AID bnc, ,ra,,,;,.,,, b,n.r ram
Io,t,d when hr .,yhhi,j nT yf,h h,, in tb.
r,rri,gr IN th,;r n,w hor,,. ard villa, .
,r',t,, Ii,,.,. Lo,,'. :, ,.'s ~ h. srr. II il.
in., war tn.I., s.,c,. ~, &, Wv. ,,,.,,r;.I
I din, j tL,r. - ..i,,,Iar II, .r,l,. ,,,. t,,,
T"m dom, ;ot'a e, ,rn.b ~, br'n..J tn IN
NJ. bachelor Jovs and th,n Inc haI A way.
too, orleavipr Ls : u,cu,,s unGni,h,d.E
Thtn noticed that his wifi. often touched
his foot with her sinner. under the table.
What do you supuost she did that for
just AS was buttnniug up nv coat TO come
away asked Tom if he wouldn't 90 M to
Tanmany Hall with me. He looked at hi,
wife, and she said. 'Oh--ro hv all means,
Mr.. IIilI,,h when Tom im,ncdi tcly declined.
| don't understand matrimonial tactics but
il srrrs 10 me he onrl,t 10 have Obliged her.
"po Won know John Jones and his wife.
f,,c,,,i.r ,,,,o r., I,n,,o, wm r,,
r,,,' 5a,l.. La,, 80 l., :, on,,,L :,
',,.J,, Ioo,,,I,,i ~! ,,,r,, ,,r,,,, 70 s, ,'r,
r" \5n' J"nrs ' 's'' boJ ..n Co., t;,'s ajnw l
'J,',I I a" In sG ,''" onn., w,
""n gLra, '''', i'' 'I N';o "l ','l
ro%r p,cr. ,,,I T., ,ho n,,;7. +,
.''' W DG,''' H. ~ w. ar ,i
wy I'o, ','' St,s "Pn a', "n oG, III ~,
"o ,,n, ~ n,r - '"T o Wv y AMI 'l,,,. Jrr
.; iva .o%,' .T ''GN C% " Ii I;, DV j.,
LS i.,"' ~ ''i,u, s.'t 'o,'!Ns % ,,' ~ ] u',
Ho".' :" W. 'c's .',,' u:.n " 'IV', .,'' t'.,o'
India ,uLbcrs. an extra flannel shirt and al