Washington sentinel., 1854-03-26
Old Uncle John Rosser and the Billy Goat.

Old Uncle John Rosscr and the Billy Goat.
Speaking of these individuals, it occurs to
me that the latter--the genus we mean--has
never been rightly appreciated. Billy Tor
William, as he should more properly be called
from the gravity and respeciabilIty OF his ap-
pearance and manner,) like many other meri-
torious individuals, has been in good mea-
sure overlooked and yet he is character of
no mean pretensions and claims to respect
Observe him. What stately gait-how dig
nifed-how decisive and soldierly in his move
ments; not bully and popinjay strutting and
putting about like q cock, nor chaitering and
pimcrackinp like q baboon, nor putting on
ponderous airs of dignity like that overrated
old fogy snob, the lion; permitting no unbe-
coming or unseemly liberties, yet familiar
enough in his way when he likes to be, and
preferrng civilized life and neighborhood to
the savage habits of that old hermit Of the
Jungle. Docie and tractable, too, is Billy, Sex
cept when roused," and even then carrying his
Indignation onlyto Christian extremes, and not
tearing out entrails and beating out brains like
a filibuster or one Of your fash enable heroes.
See how domestic the old fellow is; how he
puts himself at the head Of the harem and
orders things about with sedate and self ap-
preciative authority, like gentleman at his
inn, and keep his wives straight but in quiet,
pat;iarchal, Turk-ike way; never leaving his
own family for a friends, and never suspecting
idelity-unlike specimens of the gender who
wear horns. To be sure, William, like every
other fine gentleman, goes perfumed, and there
may be some questions of taste rs to the kind;
but de qustib,ts and so forth, as Gov. C*.#%%**
would have said, if he had put him in his last
message. Then look at his countenance. Did
you ever see anything more grave or full of
responsibility Did you ever see more elegant
repose of manner? And his beard, does not
the cut and make of that remind us Of some OF
our most valued and fashionable acquaintance?
A braver fellow than William never lived; for,
consider that, like some of our politicians and
generals, his only armour is the thickness of
his skull. Who Of them can make more out of
the hardness Of his pate and his horns than
Gulelmus? Washington city can't shew one.
But it was not of the genus but of the par
ticular individual we design to speak. Billy
Rosser-as he was named after his owner
was somewhat peculiar, as much so as the
g charming Miss Julia" He had got to be
public character, and, like other public char
acters, he was little spoiled by the attentions
he received. He was naturally fellow of very
good parts, and of excellent disposition but
he had been so petted and deferred to--the lit
tie negroes, dogs, and other varmints" on the
plantation had SO fattered his prowess, by re.
treating before him and letting him have his
own way, that he had run himself down to the
level of a regular 6libuster, pitching into
everything and everybody that he could gel
to and this not only at home, but he quit
his own to stand on foreign ground" He
used to come to the grocery hard by, and, not
standing on ceremony, would walk straight in,
helping himselfto bits Of cheese on the counter,
or anything else he liked. The boys tried to
teach him to drink the heeltaps in the glasses
and to chew tobacco, but it is only justice to
Billy to say he was too much Of a gentleman to
indulgein such practices.
Billy, like another Billy we wot OF, belonged
to the Pitch.in school," and made pass at
every thing that was going that promised
benefit or amusement. His pranks were some
times very diverting; for instance, at the camp
meeting, where William came walking up, and,
seeing worthy old brother Amen, on hot
evening after a hearty meal, seated under a tree,
nodding under the sedative influence of the
Rev. Bawl's discourse, took it for banter !;
aud making up to him, bit him such spat be-
tween the eyes as made him think another set
of falling stars had come down.
as Billy. He was called the laughing philoso-
pher. This designation was given him in con.
sequence of his having disease laughing
mania--a cacoethes ridentis he "took ON as
if possessed by q laughing devil would sud-
denly be taken, and shake himself all over until
he fell down in fit laughing. He was always
carrying on jokes, and running rigs, verbal
and practical. He was large, fatfellSw but
until the event we proceed to relate (if we
ever do get to it, rather good looking man
for his size
Two humorists cannot get along in the same
neighborhood, any more than two country doc
tors; indeed two rivals Of any sort (duellists
excepted they are al,Cays friends) in country
neighborhood are always sure, sooner or later,
to have falling out. So twas with John and
Billy. Divers were the schemes and tricks
tried by Rosser on William, such as filing
apples with Scotch snuff, and giving them to
Billy, until he had taken as much of the savory
weed into his mouth as your regular lover Of
cavendish or honey-dew.
Uncle Johns jovial features we're command
ed by nose which was the delight of his life
1t was regular cut-water. The style of its
architecture was half Dutch, half Roman none
Of your little stuck up turn.up, as if ashamed
of or too proud for his mouth; nor one Of
your angular thread-paper concerns, sticking
to round face like the shadow-caster on sun
dial; but nose that icds q nose-strong, well
defined, well cut out, well followed, well pro-
portioned, and we'll set on the face. He was
fond Of stroking and caressing it and, being
Of musical turn, would blow out clarion on
it occasionally, that could bring the boys to
dinner like cows horn. All! me, pride will
have q fall, and so did that nose. But am
anticipating.
On CERTAIN Sunday morning, Uncle John
had gone to his blacksmith's shop to do a little
work on wagon, which he had neglected the
evening before, in consequence Of the call he
had to shooting-match-an innocent pastime
which he much affected. He was enjoying
alone his Fluctuations, with which he was re-
CALLING his mind at that calm period, over the
good fortune he had met with in winning a
quarter of beef, by shot that had covered the
cross, and Knocked the black out of the mark !;
and no doubt felt pieusly grateful for the sue
cess Of his adventure. He had nearly finished
the Job, there being but little work to be done
IN the tire 6yinp n nail or twO or something