Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1854-06-24
@J30A0V3.

state what were The ddTR ages oI INC
world" Boy hesitates. "Next, Master
John, can you tell me what the dark ages
were ?" II guess they were the ages
before spectacles were invented Go
te your seats"
A girl seventeen years of age, named
Mary Brittan, lately died at Walmgate,
England, from an attack of aPoPlexy'
brought on by tight lacing. Take warn
inc girls-don'l indulge in tight STAYS, for
the purpose of bringing yourselves 10
look like an hour glass, or your stay on
earth will be short.
lie that changes his trade, maks soup
in basket.
If all the fools wore white caps, we
should look like flock of geese.
The remains of the batchelor who burst
into tears" on reading a description OF
married life, have been found.
Sprinkle little brown sugar on live
Goals or hot iron in your room, and the
smoke of it will Danish the mosquitoes Tor
the night.
Solomon took an inventory Of the world
and all the best things in 1t: he cast up
the amount, and the sum total was van
lty.
A western paper, speaking OF man who
died in the most abject poverty and neg.
Iect, said that "he died without the "ald
Of a physician"
A woman in Wisconsin,, who was lately
attacked by bear in the woods, so abused
the poor animal with her tongue thaIls
died at her feet.
"Molher, you mustn't whip me for run
ming away from school any more "
"Why?" because my school-book says
that ants are the most industrious beings
in the world and Amt | tru-Gnf !"
There is a man down East, rather
facetious chap, whose name is New. lie
named his first child Something New.
His next child was called Nothing it be-
ing Nothing New.
A girl out west attempting TO conjugate
a verb:
"I will marry, thou wilt marry he will
marry, you will marry, they will marry,
and we will all feed the babies together"
An old maid was heard to exclaim while
sitting at her toilet the other day, al can
bear adversely; can encounter hardships;
and Withstand the changes Of tickle for
tune; but Oh 1! TO live, and droop, and die
like single pink can't endure it, and
what's more, WON'T"
John, come up with your lesson, what
does Glass spell
Well, knew once, but darn'd if | don't
forget now.
Pshaw, what's in your mothers win
dow sashes
There's so many things that darn me
if can remember 'em all. Let me see,
there is the boss blanket in one place,
brother Jobs white hat in another, and
dads old nowsers in smash that Zeb
and made yesterday.
Tbat'll do, John-you may go and play
shinny for a half hour.
Sonny, where is your father ? 'Fsth.
er's dead SIR Have you any mOther'
Yes, had one, but she is got married 10
John Dankin, and don't be my mother
any more, cause she says she's got enough
to DO TO tend 10 her young 'uns.
A lover wishing 10 concentrate his ar
dor into one burst of passion, exclaimed:
"Oh, Angeline Augusta, feel toward you
just like the burning bush which Moses
saw-Tam all fire but amt consumed"
Never suffer your children 10 require
services from others which they can pei
form themselves. A strict observance Of
this rule will be Of incalculsble advantage
10 them through every period Of hle.
"Oh Mary dear, my heart is breaking"
''Is il, indeed, Mr.. CIosefist $50 mnch the
better for you" "Why so my idol -
- Because when it's broken oui-anh-ont
you may sell off the pieces for gun.fints."
Somebody adyerIises for agents 10 sell
a work enntIeJ, ~IIymeuial Instructor"
A contemporary adds Tho best "IIy.
monial Instructor" we know Of, i ayoung
widow. What size don't know there is nu
use learning"
If YOU want to feel as nice as hymn
book in red cold olasp--wheneyer yOn
sec a pretty girl tall down in the street just
run. and pick her up. We "did IL yes
ieYdgy, and have felt fall Of sunshine clo-
yer, aud four story happiness over snce.
a person having the misfoTiuns TO all
init as a lodger into bis house an indiVid-
ual OF bad reputation. named Bell, lnrned
him ouI the ulhes day. with the remark,
..tlIai he would never keep bed IN bis
4 t--..-,. Il, ., ,.o.g,.g J. -