The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1854-04-23
foc.ety and Politics In Washington-No. IL.
WAsHINGToN, d. c., April 81, 1854.
TO THE EDITOR OF THE HERALD.


IS having stopped from tn moment. I'm Going,
and tomorrow morning, at o'clock, shall be-
gone. / have hardly moment left to write you
letter announcing my departure. ! will narrate
briefly the important causes that have lei me 10
take so important step.
had retired to bed about ten o'clock, and iad
been asleep for nearly if over, two hours, when
Twas aroused from my slumbers by startling rap
at nv door II was repeated again and again.
arose and secured Colts pistol, which was pre-
scented me some time ago by Col. Dickerson, when
he wished to secure my aid in getting Colts Patent
bill renewed by Congress. ! cooked the pistol, and
sung out, " Who is there 7"
Me- said one voice.
Me- replied another voice.
That's two mes and if you don't tell your
names, will fire through the panels of the door as
sure as my name is Sam Green"
Murder! Hold on Don't. It's us-Perce and
Foney,' said voice.
" It's u.s." said voice No. 9
| at once opened the door, let the parties in and
fred up spermaceti with lucifer. what the
deuce is out now ~
"Oh SAM" said the President we have saved
its no use trying any more" And he took a seat.
cts precisely and exactly So" said Forney.
"Tel Sam what it is" he continued.
"Sam,n said the President, an come down, as
the coon said to Captain Scott Don't fire any
more. Will you save me, Forney and the coun-
tryt'
eyes Sam. The President has spoke it out. Are
you willing to save us and our beloved country"
asked Forney.
"Upon my word Mr.. President, the hour is mid
night this visit is unexpected; but wait until get
on my pants, and then ! can talk to you freely.
Shirttai conversations with Presidents amt agree
able to my feelings"
Certainly; put the unmentionables," said
the President
"Don't mention EN-" said Forney
lighted another candle, dressed myself, took
look at my visters, to sec if they were unusually
whey, and then observed, Now, Mr.. President
let me know what can do more for your
zone would think you had done quite enough,
SAM" said the President
"Quite enough" said Forney.
.I'n do anything for you, Mr. President" was my
dignifed reply to what regarded a slight Piercy
sarcasm.
"Sam, you must go away; you can save me and
the administration; Fomey and me are perfectly
agreed about it. | want you to leave on important
business for the government and Forney has con-
scented that you shall go on a foreign mission"
"Thats the talk" said Forney.
"To FranceF asked.
ooh no: that place is kept in reserve for Mr.
Bennett, whenever we can coax that old crab, Marcy
INTO VI. nomination.
Just So ~. President" said Forney.
!. Wnm 90 S you ont me to go?" asked.
smashed and rop @ to the IN n, fix Nebraska i all
Warrior and Cuba matters have izaiod and we didn't
get Cutting shot. The patent and railroad land
scheme for plumber are laid high on the shelf in
Congress, and our Gadsden treaty has completed
our present catalogue of miserable failures The
Cabinet is disorganized and only Forney and myself
are unit. Marcy is jealous of Cushing and Caleb
despises Marcy; JEFF Davis don't care damn for
Mexico You can tell Santa Anna Just how l am
situated; and when you leave Mexico, you can go to
Cuba, and have talk with Pezuela. Then you may
peg until you have looked up settlement in Next
co and Cuba, observed the President while tears of
anxiety were rolling down his cheek.
The President has expressed my ideas as well as
could have done them myself" said Forney, using
his pocket handkerchief freely.
cried, tool couldn't help ito see these poor
fellows in such fix. What could do? agreed
to go. " But about my instructions ?" said /.
"Oh I'll write EN- no Mr.. Ward this time, Sam;
honor bright said the President.
Honor bright, always" said the faithful Forney
And when am to start
Tonight, if you cam said the President.
" Exactly, tonight" chimed in Forney
oh, no, Mr.. President, ] must drop a note to
Well then, make it Short" said the President.
Very short, }" said Forney.
l am agreed" said |. " And when am to finger
the OUTFIT
"Illarrange that, with my instructions, tomorrow
afternoon" said the President.
q Tomorrow afternoon the President says"
said Forney.
But there is another little job want you to do
at the same time," said the President.
"Yes," said Forney, with deep sigh, and thrust
ing his two hands to the very bottom Of his pocket
"another very important little job
"What is thatY' said ], as | was brushing up my
hair.
'Did you ever hear of the famous Morgan and the
anMasons 2" said the President.
Yes" said Forney did you ever hear of Morgan,
who was abducted, or disappeared entirely, one
fine evening? Thurlow Weed of New York, knows
all about that business and how to shave of mans
~ guess have heard of that coon' said I. al
had an uncle, old Lemuel Green, who knew man
who kissed woman who lived at Oak Orchard
creek, and who made the lather to shave Nor
gan"
"Well, said the President when You go off to
Mexico, Il want you to invite old Tom Benton and
John Wheeler, Of New York. to 60 with you"
"0h, yes! oh, yes !" said Forney, his knees
knocking together; you must invite Benton and
Wheeerto go with you by all MEANS"
A., ~ don't want you exactly to carry them off as
Morgan was said the President.
Not exactly" said Forney but as near as pos
sible though
"And whot shall 7 do with these valuable artcles?"
said ].
drop them anywhere by the wayside" said the
President.
eyes" said Forney; "drop them anywhere-any
lole-any place; for Gods sake, drop them any
where, just as you any by creek or So"
why SOL" asked l. as looked out Of the window
and surveyed the stars and the weather.
Because said the President, in deep whisper,
itLey are going to impeach poor Forney, and Kick
Up the very devil with our folks"
"Yes," said Forney; "they are going to make a
motion to impeach poor me before the House."
lyon don't say son' said ].
"That hard fellow, Wheeler, has got all the evil
dence in his breechcs pocket and Tom Benton j. GO
ing to fire off the gum
"Oh, yes" said Forney; Benton is to fire off the
gun
"Then You gone coons,' said l. ''if Benton is
in the fray
"0b OH said the President.