Loudon free press. (Loudon, Tenn.) 1852-1855, 1854-08-09
An Auctioneer hi California.

The reporter of the San Francisco News
furnishes that paper with the following report
Of a speech made by California Auctioneer:-
"Ladies and Gentlemen, now have the hon
or of putting up fine pocket handkerchief; a
yard wide yard long, and almost a yard thick;
one half cotton, and tother half cotton too;
beautifully printed with stars and stripes on one
side, and stripes and stars on the tother; it will
wipe dust from the eyes SO completely as to be
death to demagogues, and make politics as bad
business as printing papers, its great length
breadth and thickness, together with its dark
color will enable it to hide dirt, and never need
washing; going at one dollar? seventy-fve cents?
fifty cents?-twenty-ive ceuts?-one bit?--
Nobody wants it? Oh! thank you sirl
'Next gentlemen, for the ladies won't be her.
mitted to bid on this article, it is real simon
pure, tempered, highly polished. keen aed dged
Sheffield razor, bran spakin new; never opened
before to sunlight, moonlight, starlight, or
gas-light; sharp enough to shave lawyer, or
cut disagreeable acquaintance, or q poor re-
lation; handle of buckhorn; with all the rivets
but two at the ends, Of pure gold. Who will
give two dollars? one dollar? half dollar?--
Why you long-bearded dirty faced reprobates,
with not room enough on your phizes for a
Chinese woman to kiss, I'm firing you bar
gain at half dollar! razor and strop-a recent
patent; two rubs upon it will sharpen the city at
torney, all for four bits and a piece of soap
Sweeter than roses; and fathers better than
school master; and strong enough to wash out
the strains from California politicians coun-
tenance all for four bits!-why you have only
to put this razor, strop and soap under your
pillow at night, to wake up in the morning clean
shaved; won't any body give two bits, then, for
the lot? | knew | would sell them.
"Next, ladies and gentlemen, | offer three
pair of socks, stockings or half hose, Just as
you're mind to call them. Knit by michine
made on purpose out of cotton wool; the man
that buys these will be enabled to walk till he
gets tired, and, provided his boots are high
enough, needn't have any corns the legs are
as long as bills against the corporation, and as
thick as the heads of the members of the Leg
islature, who wants 'em at one half dollar?
thankee madam, dollar.
Next, offeryou a pair of boots, made es-
pccially for San Francisco, with heels long
enough to raise man up to the .Hoardey
grades and nails to ensure against being car
red over by landslide, legs wide enough to
carry two revolvers and bowie knife, and the
uppers of the very best horse leather. A man
in these boots can move about as easy as the
State Capitol, who says ten dollars? All the
tax payers ought to have pair to kick the
council with, every body ought to have pair
to kick the Legislature with-and they will be
found of the assistance in kicking the bucket,
especially if somebody should kick at being
icked-ten dollars for legs, uppers and soles!
white souls and miserable souls at that, are
bringing twenty thousand dollars in Sacramen-
to- ten dollars, ten dollars-gone at ten dol
larS
Next is something that you ought to hare
gentlemen; lot Of good gallowses-sometimes
called suspenders. expect some of you will
after while be furnished at the Statesexpense,
but you can't tell which of you; buy where they
are cheap, all that deserve hanging are not sup
piled with gallows, if SO there would be no.
body to make laws, condemn criminals, or hang
culprits, until election; made Of pure gum elias
tic-stretch like judges conscience, and last
as long as a California office holder will STEAL
buckles Of pure iron; and warranted to hold so
tight thatno mans wife can rob him of breech
es; are, in short as strong as good, as perfect,
as effectual and as bona tide, as the ordinance
against Chinese shops on Dupont street-gone
at twenty-five cents"