The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1854-07-08

amored Other who has exertcd such an inau-
cncc upon me.
do not wish to be understood as saving
that my life Of love was one Of misery. Such
is not the case, most of the time was in a
state of the most exquisite rapture Often
crimson flush would sufIuse my checks and
temples and a wild lustrc glcam from my
cye.- This my friends attributed to some un-
natural and unhealthy excitement, which they
were continually warning me to guard against
Little did they think at those moments had
caught glimpse of her scraphic figure, or
felt her soft rinSllts wave against my check
and inhaled the fragrance of her balmy
breath. You will smile at this, | am we'll
aware: but no matter. ! am as firmly con-
WINGED even now, that | felt her actual pl os-
cnce, as | ain of my existence, and that be-
lief can neither be reasoned or taken away
from me.
My passion daily increased and soon be-
came so intense that formed a distastc for
everything that had tie least tendency to di-
vert my thoughts for an instant from her;
and as a natural consequence, most of the
pursuits and avocations Of life became in the
highest degree ropulsiyc. was disconnected
and unsatisG,d. | could not remain quietly
at home. \ something within me kept urging
me hithcr and thither, and compelling Inc
continually to change from place to place,
and engage in new undertakings and enter
priscs. What it was know not appear
cd to have no object in lile-nohing to live
and toll for. What was the world with its
strifcs and ambitions to me! 1t possessed
no charms or alurcmcnts, and took no in
tcrcst in its affairs.
bad never, and have never till now, re-
vcalod my secret to u human soul, and my
friends who did not understand me, were con-
tinualy upbraiding me for my want of stabil-
ity, and cntrcating me to become prcman-
emily located. They were strangers to the
deep and holy mysteries of the heart, and
scorncd to unbosom myself to them, because
| knew they were incapable Of sympathizing
with me. Cold and selfish as they were, |
have prayed thousands of times that my Or
ganization had been similar to theirs; for under
those circumstances should not have been
what | am. But no matter. Although they
are rcposing in the bosom of their families,
enjoying the comforts and delights of the
world, while Iroam here and there, miscra
bic, heart blighted vagabond, | do not COM
plain. Perhaps am fulfilling some great
mission for which was created, and will
eventually realize, in all its force and beauty,
the idea of the poet, when he says;
80 fear not in n world like this,
And thou shalt know ere long;
Know how sublime thing it is
To suffer and be strong
Let me return from my dissrcssion.
Time passed, and the dislike to any con-
slant employment, and to the scenes and as
sociations of my youth and carly manhood
grew so strong within me, that it was impos-
siblc to abide amongst them. wandered Off
in quest of something that would engage and
arrest my attention faculties but the search
was in vain. was tormented with the same
longing desire as before. The same ideal be-
ing l now so madly loved was ever before
me, but was incapable of filing the "aching
void" she had created. She was ever
present to my sight, but Guided my touch.
Those who have experienced the prostrat-
ing effects upon the system ola single unsat-
isfied desire, can form some faint idea of tho
condition in which this ccaselcss and insatia-
be hcart-yearning kept me- And yet, new
or once thought that / was laboring under
fearful dclusion, which must inevitably be
followed by sad awakening. and now look
back upon my conduct with amazement. Can
it be possible that I, who have so much con-
troll over my fcelings,-that I, who can gaze
unmovod on any and every object that l,
who could thrust my arm to the shoulder in
the dcvouriug fame, and as the flesh shrivell-
cd and fell of, could prevent a groan from cs-
Gaping my lips, or muscle of my face relax
ing,-can it be possible that ever could have
become so infatuated? WhenT reason calmly
and nationally on the subject, begin at
times to doubt my sanity, and feel like throw
ing down my pen and letting the great secret
of my life remain forever sealed in my own
hrcat, through fear that may be stared at,
and pointed out as a maniac. But no: cam
not rest with it there; and let the consequences
be what they may, will proceed.
Six years had now passed since the ideal
Dora-for such was the name had given her
first dawned upon my vision, and during
all that time had been agitatcd with hope
and fear, and trembling with excitement and
suspense. l knew she was mine-wholly
and entirely mine; yet | could obtain no tam
gible evidence of the fact. could not clasp
her to my bosom, and pour into her ear the
compressed essence of my long pent-up and
concentrated love, and feel her heart respond
by sympathetic throbs. Although could
obtain glorious glimpscs of her divine face and
figure, and feel her, like spiritual presence,
lingering ever near me. yet 10 silvery voice
fell upon my ear to soothe and gladden.. and
my soul grew sick and weary from its ever
ccascless yCarninp