Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1854-11-11
Glllnoron5.

a woman swelling out from her hips To
her feet like hog>head, or big-holomed
chum; but even this fashion is preferable
in some respects to wearing a dress some
twelve or fifteen inches too long, so that !!
employs both hands to hold II up in front
to prevent the foot becoming entangled IN
IT. while behind il is suffered TO drag Ihro'
all the mud, filth ana tobacco Juice that
on the streets, and make TO
itself fringe and tassels of all the weeds
and straws with which il comes IN con"
tact. Some sort of change is very de-
sirable, and if it is to be the hoop fashion
of our grandmolhers, so let 1t be. 1t GER
tainlv cannot be less sensible than the
present style"
A droI story is related of an honest
farmer, who, attempting to drive home 4
bull, got suddenly hosted over the fence.
Recovering himself, he saw the animal on
the other side of the rails, saving the AR
with his head and neck, and paving The
ground. The good old man looked stead
iIy at him for moment ard then shak-
ing his fist alhim, exclaimed. Darn your
apo}ogies-you needn't stand there, you
'tarnal critur, bowin' and crapln'--you
did it a purpose, darn your cruel picture
willie, dear inquired kind and IN
dulgent mother of her Young hoPcul,who
had preceded her in arising one morning
Willie. dear, what have YOU done with
mammals stockings 2 put 'em IN tho
swecmeat pot cried the dear lIIde crca-
mre. Bless his precious little heart! the
child is so full OF his innocent pranks.
An Exchange says, our junior partner
returned pair OF lrOwSers 10 his tailor last
week, because they were too small in tho
legs But you told me to make them
Gght as your skim said the tailor. 'lme,
rcioined our colleague, for can sit down
in my skin, but III be split if | can in
those breeches = The tailor cove in.
A bachelor friend of ours says that he
never attempted to make but one speech TO
a woman, and then he did not succeed.
1t was beautiful moonlight night, and
he caught her hand and dropped upon his
knees. lie only saw a streak Of calico
as she went over the bars. He did not
see her for fortnight, and then fellow
was feeding her with moIasses candy at
circus.
A lady who was noted for her placid
temper being asked how she con!rived TO
such equanmity, said pleasant
ly, that she did not wish to have her face
furrowed by untimcly wrinkles. Think
of this ladies'. Every time you scold your
husbands you add wrinkle to your fea-
iures.
Keep in good spirits. II helps on di-
gcslion, sweetens sleep, makes YOU accep-
table to the ladies, keeps yonr hair from
turning gray, and most generally gets
your feet into the golden boots of malri-
mony.
doctor" sail young Miss OF tho
ligh-heeled modesty school, "Ma sent me
10 tell you that sister Marie Ephemia DuI-
y Louisa Minerva Rhody Jane has got
sore above the wrist Of her lel foot"
The best mixture for sick heart is
lne yards Of calico, five Of broadcloih,
our armsluI of humanity, parsons GER
iiicale OF malrImOny, par of canary
birds and bundle OF green hollyhocks.
People disposed 10 doubt the receipt
should get box.
Ladies are somewhat like French watch
.s--prely enough 10 look at--sweet "a
es and delicate hands--but somewhat dIl-
icut 10 regulate when once set 'agoiDg'
md 'agoiug.
a model return upon writ was re-
emily made by Deputy Sheriff 10 Mo,-
,an County, lndIana. II was--"Saryed
he within. bat was TT with brickbais by
he women so that | could not sarye H."
1t is pretty evident that when man
,uys one hundred dollar handkerchies
OF duck Of a wife, that he is a goose
4 husband
A person who undertakes to raise him
eli hy scandalizng Others might as well
II down 10 wheel barrow and Try TO
Wheel himself.
When GrHersl Jackson cxcIaimed, I'm
axe llte rcspUDsIbIlHy,' be uleani equally
he ease ol babies, a. well as ol ihe Stale.
outrageous uian that Old illckOry-he
9as.
Siiun fashion, Jelly snJesriy irDiL The
iJsl vii ruin your Purse, llie second your,
rain, lhe u,Ird your--belIy.
The fellow vino slept under 'the cover
# night complains that lie came very
.esF freezing.
In Pirkle--Ptessrved herring. and