The Shasta courier., 1854-09-16
The sPhenix" System Of English Gram.


"John Phoenix" alias Squibobs, - finds great
fault with the adjectives of the English Ian
guage, because, he thinks, they are not sufi-
cienty definite for the purposes of description.
For this reason he has industriously set about
effecting reform. To this end, in the Septem-
Der number of that admirable California; Mag
azine, the Pioneer, he proceeds to unfold and
develop ysteul, of which he claims paternity
that Twill leave little to be desired" But listen
to HIM
We say,--" 1t is fine day; :" 1t is a uery fine
day :" 1t is the finest day we have SEEM" or,
f" 1t is an unpleasant day - very unpleasant
day" The most unpleasant day we ever saw"
But it is plain that none of these expressions
give an cract idea of the nature OF the day. and
the two superlative expressions generally
untrue. l once heard gentleman remark, on
a rainy, snowy, windy, and, in the ordinary
English language, ndescrbable day, that it was
most preposterous weather" He came nearer
to giving a correct idea of it, than he could have
done by any ordinary mode of expression; but
his description was not sufficiently definite.
Again-we say of ady-'' She is beautiful" ;"
"She is pcry beautiful or "She is perfectly beau
tful;' descriptions which. to one who never
saw her, are no descriptions at all; for among
two are equally beautiful; and to perfectly
beautiful woman he knows that no such being
was ever created-unless by G. p. II. James,
for one of the two horsemen to fall in love with,
and marry at the end of the second volume.
ii meet Smith in the street and ask him
as am pretty sure to do,-" How he does 7" he
infallibly replies" Iolerable," thank -
which gives me no exact idea OF Smiths health
for he has made the same reply to me ON hun
dred different occasions-on every one OF which
there must have been slight shade of difference
in his ply sical economy, and OF course, cores
ponding change in his feelings.
To a man of a mathematical turn Of mind
to a student and lover of the exact sciences
these inaccuracies of expression-this inability
to und erstand eractly how things are, must be
constant source of annoyance and to one who,
like myself unites this turn of mind to an ar
dent love for truth, for its own sake the refiec-
ton that the English language does not enable
us to speak the truth with exactness, is pecu-
liarly painful. For this reason l have with
some trouble, made myself throughly acquaint-
ted with every ancient and modern language
in the hope that might find some one Of them
that would enable me to express exactly my
ideas but the same insuffciency of adiectives
exists in all except that of the Flathead In
dians of Puget Sound, which consists of but for
ty-six words, mostly nouns but to the constant
use OF which, exists the objection that nobody
but that tribe can understand it.
Without casting aside any word to be found
in Webster. he proposes to add to it fguratiuely,
and taking the style of the chronological chart
with its figure representative of qualification
he converses with professor of that head sci
ence:
Having gazed on this for few moments, in
mute astonishment-durngw which the Professor
took q glass of brandy and water, and after
wards a mouthful of tobacco turned to him
aud requested an explanation.
"Why," said he, cts very simple; the num-
Der 12 is the maximum, the minimum; for
instance, you are as benevolent as a man can
be-therefore l mark you, Benevolence 12.-
You have little Self Esteem-hence |
place your Self Esteem !. You've scarcely any
credulity-dont' you seer
1 did see. This was my discovery. saw
at a fash how the English language was suscep-
tible of improvement, and fired with the glori-
GUS idea, l rushed from the room and the house;
needless of the Professors request that | would
buy more of his Hair Invigorator needless of
his alarmed cry that would pay for the bottle
had got; needless that tripPed on the last step
OF the Gyascutus House, aud smashed there the
precious tiuid (the step has now a growth of
four inches of hair on it. and the people use it
as door-mat;) rushed bone, and never grew
calm till with pen, ink and paper before me, l
commenced the development of my system.
This system-shall say this great system
is exceedingly simple and easily explained in a
few words. In the first place, figures don't lie. !"
Then let US represent by the number 100, the
maximum, the ne Plus ultra of every human
quality; grace, beauty, courage, strength, wis