Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1854-09-08
From the n. Y. Evening Post.
Niagara Fails - Docsticks on n Rendcr

DEAR EDITOR Il have been to Niagara, YOU
know-Niagara Falls--big rocks, water foam
Table Rock, Indian curiositirs, squaws. moe.
casins, stuffed snakes, rapids, wolves, Chiffon
House, Suspension Bridge, place where the
winter runs swift, the ladies faint, scream and
get the paint washed off their faces where
the aristocratic Indian ladies sit on the dirt
and make little bags; where all the inhahi-
tants swlndlc strangers where the cars 20
In hurry, the walters are impudent, and
all the boys sweat.
When | came in sight of the SUSPENSION
bridge, was wildly impressed with the idea
that 1t was some bridge, in fact a considerable
curiosity, and considerable brdgc-took q
glass OF beer and walked up to the Falls-an-
other glass of beer and walked under the
Fails; wanted another glass of beer, but
couldn't get it walked away from the Falls.
wet through, mad, triumphant, victorious,
humbug .-humbug sir, all humhug exccpt
the dabliness of everything, which is most
certainty, and the cupidity of everybody.
which is diabolical fact, and the Indians
and nigsers every where, which is "A Satanic
truth.
Another glass of beer-'twus forthcominr-
immediately-also another, all of which
drank, then proceeded to drink glass of
Deer, went over to the States. where | pro-
cured glass OF becr-went up stairs. for
which paid sixpence over to Goat Island.
for which | distributed twenty-five cents,
hired guide. to whom | paid halfa dollar.
sneezcd four times, at nine cents II sneeze-
went up on the tower for quarter of a
dollar and looked at the Falls-didn't feel
sublime any, tried to but couldn't. took some
beer, and tried again but failed-drank
glass OF beer and began to feel better thought
the waters were sent for and were on n
1OurDpy bn oil, l.
was one sea of becr-was going to jump down
and get some, guide held me- sent him over
to the hotel to get glass Of beer, while |
tried to write some poetry; result as fol-
lows
thou (sprny in one eyc) awful (small
lobster in right shoe) sublime (both feet wet)
masterpiece of Cimmeny, what lie.) the
Almighty. Terrible and majestic art thou
IN thy tremendous might awful (orful) to
behold, (cramp in my right shouldcr) gigan-
tic, huge and nice. Oh, thou that tumbes
down and raiseth up again in misty maiesty
to heavcn-thou G lorious parent Of a thou
sand rainbows-what huge, grand awful,
terrible, tremendous. infinite old swindling
humbug you are what are you doing there,
you rapids you-you know you We tumblcd
over the rocks and can't get up again to save
your puny existence you make Il great fuss,
don't you
Man came back with the beer, drank il TO
the last drop, and wished there had been pal-
Ion more-wnlked out on n rock TO the edge of
the fall, woman on shore veiv much frighten-
ed told her not to get excited if fell over,
as would step right up agan--it would not
DE inuch OF fall anyhow-got glass of beer |
OF man, another of woman another of two |
email boys with pal-ffteen minutes elapsed
when purchased some more Of an Indian
woman and imbibed it through a straw it
WASH good-had to get glass of beer to
take the taste out OF my mouth; legs began to
tangle up, effects of the spray in nv ewes
got hungry and wanted something to eat
went INTO an eating house, called for a plate
OF beans; when the plate brought the waiter |
IN his hand took 1t, hung up my beef ond |
beans on nail, eat my hat, paid dollar to |
Niger and sided out on the step walk bought |
boy of ASS of dog with n small beer and
neck on his tall with a collar with spot on |
the end got some water in cup, drank the
cup and placed the soda on the counter. nnd
paid for the money full of pocket-very bad
headache rubbed 1t again the lamp post and
then slumped along; man said If ! didn't 20
straight he'd take me to the wltchnan-iried
to obllge the station house-very civil station
house, very-inet baby with an Irishwoman
and whecbarrow in it, couldn't get out of
the way, she uldn't walk on the sidewalk.
but insisted on going on both sides of the street
at once tired to walk between her; conse-
quence, collision, awful-knoc,od out the
wheebarrow nose, broke the lrislwoman all
to pieces, baby loose, court house handy. took
me to the constable, jury @at on me, and the
jail slld III" ma glstrate must take me to the
constable; objected the dungeon put me into
the darkest constable IN The city got out, and
here am, prepared to stick TO to my original
opinlon--Nidgdrn unus imhrg non t1ceisus.
non indignus a1miraiooni.
Yours unquestlonably,
z. n. PHTLANDER DoEsTICks rB