The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1854-07-18
INITIATING AN OUTSIDER
A Know Nothing Yarn.
BY JACK HUMPHREYS.

| BY JACK HUMPHERIEs.
All creation and the balance of mankint
were, early ono morning, aroused from tn,
dullness usually pervading the pious, prim anc
peaceful town of East Nutmeg, by the cry Of
| What's it all about? when did they come?
How many arc there'' What do they lool
like? Did you sec 'em:' Arc they human
critters? What are they going to dop
'Whor what?
The Kno,o N'othings3
Know Noihings? says native
know Nothings.'
We'll, I'd give fo'pence to know contin.
ued the native. what in sin it's all aboutr
%. You hav'nt seen 'em ehr saws a jolly,
round visaged, bright-eyed individual. who,
with other strangers, and natives of East Nut.
meg, were gathered in u knot about tho depot
discussing the topic which had in single
| nigle came, saw, and took the town. 'Hay'n
seen 'emr
Seen who? says tho native.
The Know Nothngs.
Know Nothins! We'll, kinder cal'late have
few
%, you are ono of em, chg
Look here, squire. of you don't want to
be squattin cross-legged in yon heap o. sand |
carlate yeoud better not say nv edecation has
been neglected in any sich way
Not at all. my dear friend: / only predic-
ted that you were a-that is. hang i'll mean
do you know what's out?
'Yees; I'll tell yeou what's out, squire
Good: what ia it:'
"A writ agin Josh Pruden for breakin' the
Sabbath all tew flinders playin keards in Dea-
con Dinklc's barn.
'Pshaw!' said the jolly man. Il don't mean
that sort of work, suppose you are like the
rest of these Know Nothngs, too sly, eh?-to
be caught"
Squire, do You chawr
Yes said the jolly looking man.
Yes / dc nyfsess. -
Cit cout! getting kinder sharp-set too,
callate. Now look a here, squire, I gin to
expect yoour from York
1'spect you are correct in yeour remarks
Wall, knew yeou was; can tell yeou fel
lers mile off; o yes. can, by kingdom. Now,
cafate there's somethin' goin' on, that's
fact--allfiredest raow around this yer taown,
this mornin', beout somethin' q feller ever
hearn.'
'Ah, that's what was comm at. Now they
say, you've got up new invention-a new
tangled society. or now order, party, or sect,
or something that's bound to get Christeudom
in al uproar; how is it.
'Eb, yes; when they goin' to begin il, squire?
20. you git eout, sly dog, amt you one of
'emi'
What! them fellers that's goin' TO raise sin,
and break things?
Il don't know; only ask you'-continued
the squire-,I only ask for information, you
see.'
wall, naow, look a'here. feller mover
made much by dod-rottod ignorance in this
land of universal liberty and gineral edication;
and feller know nothing that's fact; but.
squire, I've got in, but darn my buttons to APP
plo sass, eff wunt, as poor fellow as be,
gin cist ten shi.lins and upwards to know
what's kinder busted raound here
'Would youY
Wouldn't II By golly, squire, guess
yeour the eritter kin jest tell us all abeout ;tT
Il am just the man that can
Il knew yeou bel Grea-a.t kingdom, let's
hear all about it,
'His-s-h,' said the numerous man, hiss hi
I've been sounding you.
'Yeou don't say so? echoes the citizen Of
Nutmeg.
yes, sir: wo have to be cautious
'Eh, yes abstractedy responds the Nutmeg
or.
Can't speak ou, to everybody
so
Yes, sir; now know you're good egg
AiggsT
Good cgg--sound to tho core.
'Saound! wouldn't wonders never ail;n' but
once in my hull life; then had the darndest
scrotchin time yeou eve, did see, reckon
Ever had tho itch, squireY
Never, thank you
o, not at all, squire; you are quito welcome,
as Uncle Nat said, when he shot the Ingin.'
We'll, sir, now I'll give you in wispcr, an
idea of what's up; and if you love your coun-
try
MeY
The land Of the free, and the home of the
braver
'Grea-at Fourth of July; pitch in tho big
iicks, squire
Our own dear native landv
That's the ginger! 90 ii squire! says Nut
meg.
Well, sir: now you just follow mo over to
the hotel. so; now take chair Hero wo
are; now I'll giyo you tho secret. You SEQ
this is grand secret society
'Eh, yos.'
'And the greatest secrecy is to be adhered
TO. Now risc hold mp both hands, high above
your head, so; now swear
Swear? can't dew II, squire-agin my relg-
lon
Arc you an AmercanY
Am IL ain't nothing else by Bunker IIilIr
viii you stand by your country
Wll L? Yes sir; till Gabriel toots his horni'
Then swear, that yon will stand by tho A
merican Eagle, the stars and tho stripes, and
never reveal tho secrets
Fourth of July, and Bunker flilr chimes In
the excited Yankee.
That's Il, good good eggr said tho bumo-
rous man. Now, sir, you arc ono Of us-you
are Know Nofhlng.''
'Yeou dunt say sor
Yes, sir; now we have some mysterious