Plymouth advertiser. [volume] (Plymouth, Ohio) 1853-1988, 1854-04-29
Adventures of a Wooden Leg.

Adventures OF a Wooden Leg.
am one Of those unfortunate w'ghts
who have found themselves obliged to
call op the carpenter for the purpose Of
mending their mortal frss.e 1 was
born complete, as sound as pumpkin !;
with pair Of as sturdy limbs as ever
kicked. Is,umped about merrily on both
of them during my youth, never dream
ing that | should one day be indebted for
tine same Peripatelical facul y TO a stick
of wood.
During the las, war with Great Britain,
| served in our army on the frontier. |
was in many bat les, but managed
Throughout, the whole of the conflict to
keep lead and cold iron out of me. be.
gan to think myself bullet proof-but
never wac a conjuror more mistaken, as
1 SOON found a the battle of Plattsburgh,
by The help of cannon ball, which took
off my leg just below the knee. This
happened in the beginning of the action,
and fell inlo the enemy's hands. We
got the victory al last, as is well known,
and when the British retreated, | was
carried by them along with some of their
own wounded. | was duly reported by
the American returns among the missing,
and my friends imagined me dead.
After lying some time in the British
hospitals, | was sent to Montreal, where
| met with very ingenious French me-
chanist, who fitted me with new limb.
so admirably constructed with springs
and hinges, that after a short practice,
found myself able to walk with so much
dexterity ,ha. it passed as a real flesh and
bone leg. | Twas sent home to Boston af-
ter the peace, and received by my friends
as one risen from the dead. They little
imagined, seeing me safe and hearty, tha,
| h'd one foot in The grave.
Now, though | might hade claimed and
received pension for The loss of my leg
yet ] resolved 10 keep the matter secret
as who would not! Nobody wishes te
be pitied for his wooden shins, when he
Can have The credit of owning pair ofrea
live stumpers. No moral of my &C
quainlance suspected that | had sham
leg. and I was resolved to take no pains
TO divulge the secret, but if got kicl
even to scratch where it did not smart.
The pertinacity with which | hav'
stuck to This determination, has led me in
TO the oldest adventures. was kicket
oy horse on my fictitious limb, and I,
the astonishmen of every body, walke1
home after it, without so much inconve
nlence as a sprained ancle. was bitter
by mad dog most furously in the SAM
place, and every one prophesied that
should die, but | got we'll Of the bite ant
amazed them all. A cart wheel ran owe
my foot and jammed it into cooked hat
every one admired the for,i,ude will
which bore the pain. While at hom
one cold day with he doctor, steppe'
out mid>leg deep into puddle Of water
The doctor was positive l should taxi
cold in consequence of it, and l won
wager o! him by not coming off hoars'
the next morning, to his utter astonish
ment.
} But this unfeeling limb Of mine ha
, sometimes brought me into awkwar
, scrapes. shall never forget how su
premely foolish, | felt one evening, whe1
had been ridiculing, mos. numerically
t a certain foppish, conceited, pragma.ica
/ fellow about the town: all this did i,
the presence of his two sisters, whom
did not know TO be such. and never imag
ined my friend Walter, who sat next m
would let me run on in such strain with
ou! apprising me of the blunder wa
committing.
|, why you incomprehensible fellow
t said he 10 me, as soon as he came away
} 'Uhat the vengeance possessed you i
talking in that style, when was treadin
3 upon your toe every instant 10 make yo
3 stop!'
t Once, indeed. I came very near bein
i detected, and the ar,ifce by which es
I capped detection had the stranges. effects
f Who would believe that the ghost Of
wooden leg could break off match
s Or that by saving my limb, made M
!, Beau Babbleton lose his mistress Iwi
tell the whole story, for it IS seldom ,hs
wooden leg has kicked up such dust.
i. One very dark evening was walkin
:. homeward through a street where IL
+ side. walks were somewhat narrow, on
S the cellar entrances projected quite out
S the curb-stone One of these happene
: TO be covered with wooden grating. an
s in walking over it | trod in the dark o
:, a defective pert, and my loot brol
t. through 1t was my wooden leg, and i
d my endeavors to extrica,e it, the unforl,
d nate limb broke loose and fell into Il
o cellar.
g Here was terrible awkward situate
!, for a fine gentleman 70 be in. The
J.. was no getting my leg out Of it's limbo
d the dark, and to apply for help wou'
e discover lne. Luckily l had my walkir
o stuck, and with the help Of that, mat
70 shift to hobble to my lodgings, where
Is arrived undiscovered, thanks to the la,
:; ness Of the hour! But the difficulty W
of not over. had lost my leg, and no O.
ID could make me such another; or if
could be replaced, the thing could not