Weekly national intelligencer. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1841-1869, 1854-09-23
ASTONISHING EFFECTS OF ,cRoToN WATER.

ASTONISHING EFFECTS OF ,CROTON WATER.
New York, July 80.
Once in my life have been drunk. 1t was a youthful
nebriaon caused by partakng freely of cider made
from apples, with in it. At present am sober
Whether for the last four-antwenty hours have beer
is the point requiring elucidation If during that pc
Rod have been intoxicated then the time has arrived
when any person who wishes to have regular drunk
need only apply to the nearest hydrant Heretofore
have supposed water to be beverage innocent and
harmless; but now-we, matter; will not antic
pate Listen, while relate plain unvarnshed tale.
/ left my boarding house in company with friend
intending to witness the Shaksperian revival Bur
ton's-the Midsummer Nights Dream" Before leaving
the hotel at his suggestion we partook of potable,
known, think, as punch-whiskey punch. watched
attentvey the preparation Of this agreeable beverage
and am certain that there entered into its composition
certain amount OF waterCrOton water have every
to believe and also that in that treach-
draught imbbed the first instament of that vii
famous liquid which produced the daboca state of facts
am about to describe; and also that the second and
third of those ingenious inventions (both of which we
drank the spo guilty. in this respect as their
illustrious predecessor !" And furthermore consci-
enously state that my glass Of brandy Zone of couple
ordered afterwards, and which, according my
invariabe custom, should have been astraght') was
surreptitousy diluted with the deectabe fluid by
the malicious barkeeper, for remember experiencing
slight confusion going out and mistakng topsail
| schooner for the Broadway theatre.
We Immediately entered another saloon to procure the
wherewth to steady nerves, when partook of two
gin cocktails and brandy smash individually and
state according to the best of my knowledge and belief
that principal ingredient in each and every of
these compounds water-Croton water-culpaby in
troduced therein by evildisposed persons without
my knowledge consent On leaving this saloon no.
ticed that my friend although single man, had by
mysterious process of multiplication, become two kept
fast hold of BOTH and after doubling with great deal of
difficulty great variety and number of corners reach
ed Burtons Tickets being mysterously procured
tered and eventually procured seats Finding after pro-
longed trial. that mpracticabe to put my hat in
my vest pocket, placed it the floor and put both
feet in it. The theatre generally, seemed to be
what mixed up The parque gallery, and dress circle
all and the stage whiring round at rate
which must have been extremely nconvenient to the
yolving actor
At lengthSafter liberal allowance of overture the
curtain went hp, and was enabled, by the unre
hitting attention. to concentrate the actors sufficiently
to understand the performance And many things which
hitherto deemed dramatically incorrect presented
to my wondering vision then and there. "Hppolyta"
dressed in knee-breeches and brogans, and Tta-
MAJ did not to present very airylike appearance
in freman's red shirt and three-cocked hat sObe-
ROM was not Objectionable, being gentleman in
alma and plaid pantaloons, though he might have
BACKED his boots and omitted the spurs. And fear
did not properly appreciate the rest of the fairies who
had their heads decorated with unfowers and their hands
full Of onions.
At last the entertainment concluded and remem-
Der consulting with my duplicated friend rs to the FEAST
bty of return to Brooklyn to boarding house On
our journey thither we witnessed many strange things
about which desire information. In the first place. is
it the custom, general thing for the City Hall and
Barnums Museum to indulge in animated contra dance
up and down Broadway in the middle Of the night &C.
companed in their fantastic movements by the upper
story Of Stewards and the Bible Societys buildng For
they certainly did that eventful evenings and feel
called upon to enter solemn protest against these
turnal architectural satatory exhibitions -sorthy
the dignity Of the Empire City. And would with all
humility suggest that if the stony goddess of Justice
whose appropriate place on the top of the City Hail.
will desert her responsible post she might choose more
becoming amusement than sitting cross-egged the top
of o Houston street stage playing the jewsharp.
am now convinced that Bowling Green fountain is not
permanently located the top Of Trinity Church cross
but that it that memorable night my wondering
eyes bore ample testimony. am sufficiently well ac-
quainted with the city know that the Aston House
should be found the Of Barclay street. but am
ready to take my oath that that particular occasion It
piled opposition between Whitehall street
and Hamilton The last thing distinctly recol-
lect trying pay the fare for three this novel craft
with single piece of money (Which know have
been Bungtown copper) and demanding two six
pence change, which didn't get
In the morning found myself in bed with my over
coat and afterwards discovered my boots under the
pillow, my hat in the CRATE with my pantaloons and hair
brush In it. my watch in the and my latch-key
in the brdcage presume had tried to write letter
to one with my ohbrush found that article
in my nkstand.
Now, if Croton water interferes with my susceptible
system in this unaccountable manner what shall drink
would resort to milk but fear our city edition of the
tactical contains sufficient of the aqueous enemy to again
upset my too delicate nerves. To you only come
and exclaim like Caesar, when he too afflicted with
q superhuty of water, +" Help me- Cassus or sink %
submit the case to you Relieve my anxiety if within
your power. Hugely, yours,
Q. K. PH1LANDER DoEsTICKs p B.
P. s. What would be the effect of brandy and water
without any water and little lemon? @. K P. D.