The daily Minnesota pioneer. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1854-1855, 1854-09-14
Bring NC the Morning Paper.

Bring me the morning paper!" How many
tongues call for it-how many eyes read it
how many men laud it-how many damn it
From all the breakfast tables, at all the hotels,
in all the cities, morning after morning, ever
and ever goeth out the order, and ascendeth
the cry, Bring me the morning newspaper ~
Old and young, ugliness and beauty, avarice
and prodigality, alike bend over the morning
paper.
The greasy old gentleman, with rubescent
nasal appendage, pcndulous double chin, md
prodgious ponderOsity of bowels, puts on his
glasses, sips his coffee and phlegmatically rolls
himself through the entire contents of the
morning paper. Slowly he reads on-that
great, lazy piece of unsurprisability. "Shock-
ing accidens,' dreadful calamites,' "terrible
casualties" "horrid catastrophes, courageous
villainies," he reviews without one wink of
wonder, not one long breath of establishment
And then he comes to the place where he
ought to laugh, right where some poor, worn
out "itcms man" had been as funny as he could
and pursued his wit under difficulties but his
big, blank, beef face doesn't change bit and
he looks over the "leadcr," and the face is the
same. What are dreadful accidents, murders,
and catastrophes to him? Why, they arc moth
ing more than he experimenting more than
some newspapers ought to furnish for his graf
ilcation, even if the editorial force had to turn
out and kill few themselves, just to make the
paper interesting. How could he eat without
his paper? and what would his paper be with
out few murders for relshes? What is wit
to such superb stupidity? Try to vivify such
stOld features into smile with pungcnt pun
or a jolly joke! Why, you might as well un
dertake to stir up the laughter of rhnoccros,
by tickling his pachydermatous majesty under
the seventh rib with gooscqui. And as for
the LEADERS" they are very often beyond en-
DURANGO and above comprehcnsiOn-we'' IL ad-
NIT that-to all such.
But the grouty fat man is not the only sob
ject of interest" who call for the morning pa
per for we hear at the same table, the faint,
feeble voice of dandyism, affecting inquiry at-
ter truth, saying, "watah bwing me the moh-
ming papah!' And then you will see pair
of gold quzzicals soar away over pair of
moustaches, and finally light astride of "a deli
cately dyed nose, before couple of empty
looking OPTICS which seek 10 learn what the
"ahmuSements" promise for the night.
And so it goes" that morning papcr"-the
world around; flying over Railroads, crossing
over Oceans, and travelling over continents
Everybody calls for it everybody reads it
and all consider the morning paper" a neces-
sary, indispensable article of comfort. But
not one in a thousand that pores over its COL
umns, as he pours out his coffee, and, in easy
dressing gown and slippers, makes his morn
ing meal, gives a single thought to the indus
try and indefatigablity that is, year after year,
wearing out its hundreds in telling the news in
making that same morning paper. Reader,
when you peruse this, just be kind enough to
remember that the morning paper, which you
so indferently order, is the result of some rca-
sonably hard work. And at night, when you
retire, just remember that all over the Union,
wherever any one orders his morning paper,
there are lots of pale printers pelting types
into sticks as though their arms and fingers
were propelled by the same trclcss engine
which is running the iron press, and keeping
the cellar below. So, this morning, when
YOU read your paper, think of it Us the product
Of sleepless labOr-labor, great part of which
was performed while you were wrapped in a
quiet sumber, and pleasantly dreaming. And
remember that though there are thousands OF
types in single column, each letter, in taking
its place, has caused the movement of an arm
and a hand and that thus, Oftcntimcs thirty
arms, with their one hundred and fifty fingers
have each been fitting thousands and thou
sands of times from stick to case, and case to
stick, during the long, long night before. Re
member that the same ideas which come to
you in type-garb, were, perhaps, born of an
aching, thrObbing brain, and dressed in Ian
guage by a tired pen and weary hand. Re
member that your morning paper is, to editor:
and printers, the Eurystheus Of this labor-age
AN age in which the twelve labors of Her
cules would be regarded as mere sports or pas
times for the youngest advocates Of Young
America.-Det. Free Press