The daily Minnesota pioneer. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1854-1855, 1854-09-13
A Model AuctfOneer.

The editor of the San Diego California;
Herald, whose waggeries have caused
grin to spread over the face Of the whole
country, has left the quill and taken to auc-
pioneering. The reporter Of the San Fran
cisco Neus furnishes the following account
of one of his evening entertainments
La lies and gentlemen, now hsve the hon
or Of putting up fine pocket handkerchief
a yarl wide, yard thick-one E:!f cotton,
and the other half cotton, tJOi beautifully
printed with stars and stripes on one side, and
the stripes and stars on the other. 1t will
wipe dust from the eyes so completely as to be
death to the demagogues, and make politics as
bad a business as printing papers. Its great
length, breadth, and thickness, together with
its dark color, will enable it to hide dust and
never need washing. Going at one dollar p
seven. y-ive cents fifty cents !-one bit p
Nobody wants it Oh, thank you, sir.
Next gentlemen-for the ladies won't be
permitted to bid on this ARTICLES real 81
mon-pure, tempered, highly polished, keen-edg
ed Sheffield razor, bran spanking new; never
opened before to sunlight, moonlight, starlight,
daylight or gaslight sharp enough to shave a
lawyer, or cut disagreeable acquaintance or
poor relation handle of buck-horn, with all
the rivets but the two at the ends of pure gold.
Who will give two dollars ?-one dollar half
dollar? Why, We long bearded, dirty faced
reprObates with not room enough on your
phizzes for a Chinese woman to kiss, l am Of
fering you a bargain at half dollar--razor
and strOp-a recent patent two rubs upon it
will sharpen the city attorney; all for fifty
cents! And piece of soap, sweeter than
roses, fathers better than SchOOlmaster, and
strong enough to wash out all the stains from
a California politicians cOnscience-all for tit
ty cents Why, you have only to put the ra-
zor, strop and soap under your pillow at night,
to wake up in the morning clean shaved. Will
anybody give two bits then, for the lot l
knew would sell them.
Next, ladies and gentlemen, I offer three
pairs socks, hose, stockings, or knit hose, just
as you have mind to call them, knit by ma
chine made on purpose, out of cotton and wool.
The man that buys these will be enabled to
walk until he gets tired; and provided his
boots are high enough, needn't have any corns;
the legs are as long as bills against the corpo-
ration, and as thick as the heads of the men,
bers of the legislature. Who wants them at
one half dollar? Thank you, madam: the
money.
Next, offer you pair of boots, made ex
preSSy LOT OaH rduClSCO, WITH HcelS Hlgn
enough to raise him up to the Hoadley grades
and nails to insure against being carried over
by land slide; legs wide enough to carry two
revolvers and bowie knife, and the uppers of
the best horse leather. A man in these boots
can move about as easy as the State Capitol.
Who says twenty dollars? All the taxpayers
ought to buy pair to kick the council with !;
everybody ought to have pair to kick the
legislature with and they will be found of as
sistance to kick the bucket. Ten dollars, for
legs, uppers and soles! Whole souls, and mis-
cradle souls at that, are bringing twenty thou
sand dollars at Sacramento. Gone at ten dol
lars.
Next is something that you ought to have,
gentlemen lot of good gallows- sometimes
called suspe. cders. know that some of you
will, after while, be furnished at the States
expense, but you can't tell which one, so buy
where thew are cheap All that deserve hang
ing are supplied with a gallows; if so, there
would be nobody to make laws, condemn Grim
inals, or hang criminals, until new election.
Made of pure gum elastic, stretch IKE judges
conscience, and last as long as California OF,
fce-holder will steal--buckles OF pre- lron' and
warranted to hold so tight that no mans wife
can rob him of his breeches are, in short, ~
strong, as perfect as effectual, and as bona fde
perfect as the-gone at twenty-five cents.