The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1854-01-04
COUSIN SALLY DILLARD.
BY HAMILTON O. JONES.

We think it high time that "Cousin Sally
Dillard," Captain Rice" and "Mose,"
were again brought to the memory of the
public. We have read and laughed at
the narration at least hundred times,
and should not fail to enjoy it, were it 30
fall under our notice daily for year to
d
ScENE-A Court of Justice in North
Carolina.
A beardless disciple of Themis rises.
and thus addresses the court:
May it please your xorships, and you
gentlemen Of the jury, since it has been
my fortune (good or bad, will not say,)
TO exercise myself in legal acquisitions, it
has never befallen me TO be obliged to pros
eoute so direful, marked and malicious an
assault-a more wiltul, violent, dangerous
battery, and finally, more diabolioal
breach ofpesce has seldom happened in a
civilized country, and dare say it has
seldom been your duty to pass upon one
so shocking to benevolent feelings as this
which took place over at Captain Rice's,
in this county. But you will hear from the
witnesses.
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and deposed-one said he
heard the noise, and did not see the fight
another that he seen the row, but didn t
know who struck first-and a third, that
he was very drunk, and oouidn', soy much
about the scrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am very sorry, gen.
tlemen, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity OF the Witnesses examined
II arises, gentlemeD, altogether from mis-
apprehension on my part. Had known,
as now do, that had witness in atten-
dance, who was we'll acquainted with the
circumstances OF the case, and who was
able to make himself clearly understood
oy the court and jury, should not so long
have trespassed upon your time and pa
tience. Come forward, Mr.. Harris, and
be sworn.
So forward comes witness, fat. chuf
| y, old gentleman, and "leetle" corned
and took his oath with an air.
Chops-IIarris, we wish you TO tell al
about the riot that happened the other day
at Captain Rioe's. and as good deal o
time has already been wasted in circumlo
cu;ions. we wish you TO be compendious
and at the same time as explicit as posi-
Bile.
| Enthusiastically, (giving the lawyer s
knowing wink, at the same time clearing
his throat, Captain Rice he, he gin treat
and Cousin Sally billiard, she come owe
to our house and axed me if my wifi
moutn't go. told Cousin Sally Dllart
that my wife was poorly, being as how sh'
had the rheumatics in the hip, and the BIZ
swamp was in the road. and the big swnmI
was up, for there had been heap of rail-
lately, but howsomever. as it was she
Cousin Sally billiard. my vile she mough
go. Well. Cousin Sally Dilard she axe,
me il Nose he moutn't go. | told Cousin
Sally billiard that he was the foreman o
the crap, and the crap was smartly in tn
grass; but, howsomever. as it was she
Cousin Sally billiard, Nose he mought go
Chops-In the name OF common sense
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this rig
mnrole?
Witnesses plain Rice, he gin treat
and Cousin Sally billiard she come owe
TO our house and axed me it my wife sh
mouth go. told Cousin Sally Dillarti-
Chops-Stop, sir, if you please; we don
, want TO hear anything about your Cousi
Sally billiard and your wife-tell us abor
the fight at Rioe's.
4 Witness Veil, will, sir; that is if vo
will let me-
/ Chops-Well. sir; go on.
/ Witness-Well, Captain Rice, he gin
treat, and Cousin Sally Dillard she com
over TO our house, and axed me if my viii
she moutn't 60
4 Chops-Tbere il is again; witness, pleas
TO stop.
Witncss-We ell, sir, what do you want
! Chops-We want to know about tn
, fight, and you must not proceed in this in
pertinent story. Do you know anythin
about the matter before the court?
Witness-To be sure do.
Chops-Well, you go on and tell it, an
nothing else.
Witness-W Well, Captain Rioe he gin
treat
!, Chops-This is intolerable. Imoye th'
this witness be committed for contrml
Of court; he seems to be trifling with tn
court.
| Couri-Wiiness, you are now before
court of justice, and unless you beha,
yourself in more becoming manner. yo
will be sent to Jail: so begin and rela'
{ what you know about the fight at Captai
Rice's
Witness, (alarmed) We'll, gentlemen
Captain Rice he gin treat, and Cousi
, Sally Dillard--
Chops-I hope this witness may be o
> dered into custody.
+ Court, CATER deliberating)-Mr. Alto
: ney, the court is of the opinion that We ma
save time by telling the witness to go Q
in his own way. Proceed, Mr.. H., wit
your story. but stick to the point.
$ Witness-Yes, gentlemen; well, Ca
. tain Rice he gin treat, and Cousin Sal
billiard she come over to our house, an
axed me il my wife she mought go.
told Cousin Sally billiard that my wife 81
was poorly, being as how she had II
!. rheumatics in the hip, and the big swan
was in the road, and the big swamp WI
4 up; but howsomever, as it was she, Cous
!. Sally billiard, she mought go. We
! Cousin Sally billiard then axed me if Mo
he mount go. Itold Cousin Sally Dilla
80 hou, Moca ha wac tho forannan of NJ