The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1854-08-08

NJ The reporter of tho San Fra ncisco
.Velos furnishes that paper with tho following
report of speech made by California auc-
tioneer:- u. .t..r..
.TAprEs AND GENrLEMEN:--I now have the
honor of putting fine pocket handkerchief;
a yard wide, "A yard long. and almost yard
thick: one-balf cotton and tother half cotton,
too: beautifully printed with stars and stripes
on both sides. and the stripes and stars on
t'other it will wipe dust from the eyes so
completely as to be death to demagogues and
make politics as bad a business as printing
papers: It's great length. breadth and thickness,
together with it's dark color will enable it to
hide dit. and never need washing: going at
one onedollar?-seventy- five eents?--fifty cen,s!---
twenty-fve cents?-one btl No body wants
il? Oh! thank you, sir.
.Next gentlemen-for the ladies' won't be
permitted to bid on this article--is real ST.
mon-pure tempered bghly-polishod, keen
edged Sheffield razor; bran spankin new; new
or opened before to sunlight moonlight, STAR
light daylight. or gaslight, sharp enough to
shave lawyer or cut n disagreeable acquain-
lance or poor relation, handle of bnck horn
with all the rivers but two at the ends OF pure
gold. Who will give two dollars: one dollar?
half n dollar? Why. yo long-bearded, dirty
faced reproba tes. with not room on your phiz-
wa JafguIrt t'~ir i~ii-- = y
s,ron-a recent patent; two rubs npon IL will
sharpen tho city attorney; oil for four bits:
and piece of soar, sweeter than roses: latn-
ers better than schoomaster: and strong g.
nough TO wash out the stains of California
politicians countenance, all for four bitsf-
WHY, YOU havo only to put the razor-sirop and
soap undcr your pillow at night, TO wake M
i'm tho morning clean shaved. Won't any
| 4 = for tho fOfP / kpnW
would sell 'em.
"Nexi ladies' and ven,lemen-! offer three
pair of socks. hose stockings, or half hose just
as you've a mind TO call them; knit by a ma.
chine on purpose. out of cotton wool; the ma z
that buys tn Sc will be enabled to walk till he
pets tired: and provided his boots are high
enough. needn't have any corns: the legs arc
are as long as bills against the corporation
and as thick as the heads of the members OF
tho legislature Who wants 'em at ono hal
dollar? Thank-ee, madam. dollarl
"Next. I offer yon pair of boots made es
pecially for San Francisco, with heels lonl
enough to raise man up to tho Hoadley
! grades and nails to insure against being car
ried over by land slide: legs wide enough tt
carry two revoyors and bowie knife, and Tho
urpers OF the very best horse leather. mar
in these boots can move about as easy ms thu
State CAPITOL. Who says twenty dollars? Al
the tax PAYERS ought to buy q pair to Kick th'
council with; every body ought to have pair
10 kick tho legislature with: and they will b'
found Of assistance in kicking the bucket. es
oecialy if some body should kick at beinl
kicked Ton dollars for legs uppers ant
souls! willie souls and miserable souls at that
are bringing twenty thousand dollars in Sac
ramento! ten dollars! ten dollars!-none a
ten dollars.
'.Next is something that you ought to have
gentlemen: lot OF good gallows-sometime
called suspenders. know that somc of yol
will. after awhile, be furnished at the State
: expese: but yon can't tell which ono. so bn
wherc they're cheap; all that deserve hangin
are not supplied with gallows; if So ther
would be nobody to make laws. condemn Grim
inals, or hand culprits, until new election
! made Of purc elastic. stetch like Judges con
science. and last as long as at California offic
holder will steal: buckle of pure iron. and
warranted to bold so tight that no mans wit
can rob him of tho brooches; are. in short a
rooi. as effectnal and as bona fed as the ordir
, ance ar ainst Chineses shoDs on Dupont street
|, Gone, at twenty five cents.