Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1854-06-29
VARIETY.

divine Is the spiritual shepherd
Said the friend to the d D looking up at
I. che spire, which was very tall, aud not yet
finished, How much higher is that going to
be7n
aNot much" said the D, b with sly
laugh, tthey dOn't own very far II tue dires-
tom
Distinguished devines. like Dickens bea-
dies, are, after all, bus human
UNst long since, Mrs B., smelling
smoke, ran up stairs to see from whence it
csme, and on going into frolt room, dis,
covered her little hopeful, standing on sue
hearth, watching . bag of shayiDgs burning
IN the fireplace
sDid you do this, Eddyln said she.
.Yes, ma ma, was the reply
aComs with me, sir, Z" said she.sternly.
She, taking him out Of the room. brought
tho strap with her He commenced 70 say.
T Mother, please whip me quick / want to
see the FIRE. Whip me quick, ma, whip me
: quiokr
nEA lsdy, whose portrait cpie was patti
ing, was mastering all her smiles to lock
charming, till at length the irrItated artist
could endure the constrained and affected
features no longer, starting up end throwing
down bis BRUSH, be exclaimed, 10 his broad
style,
tell ye what !. is, ma'am, if ye grin so,
I canua draw ye ct all
IA Know NorHING al say Bill seed
Know Nathiu.p "W herel'"W on the mu-
scum steps Nv hat did be look likela "Why
be looked like a man" mo bat What had
he on2n .sClothesn .Don.t be fool-tell
me how you found out that he was Know
Nothing "Why+ be said son sDid you
SAX him to, tell ysu1" NO but asked him
whether be wouldn't give me a sixpeuce, and
be said No, rothing'
~A good story is told Of a Michigan
man who recently went down into IndisGa
10 buy drove Of horses He was Ion er
than be intended to be absent, and failed to
meet business engagement. On being
rather reproachsd for act being at home, he
made due apology. II tell you how it is,
Squire, at every little darned town, they
wanted me to stop and be president Of
Bank
HaDid be not make several visits after
the patien, was cut Of dangers" was the ques
tion of . lawyer 10 cross examining rs wit
ness called 10 prove doctor I'LL in one Of
our justices's court u.
"No,'' replied the witness, I" Thought the
patient was in danger as long az the doctor
continned his visits"
~A Ileafer,ss Soliloquy Lets see
where I ana this is coal Pm layin, on
How'd get here1 treaeot) Yes, l mind
now Was comm up street, met wheel
barrow, was drunk comm tother way; the
Nheslbarrew fell over me, or | fell over the
! wheelbarrow and one of US fell inte the Gel
lar, don't mind which now, guess il must q
been me
|A gentleman was premenading fash
;onable street, with bright little boy at his
side, when the little fellow called out,
10, Pa their goes an editoIl
sHush. son. said the father; ''don't make
spsrt Of the poor man-G0d only knows " hat
I ysa may Come to YETI
~.Jim, was awful frightened the 9th
es day Did tell you about it /"
"Whya cup Of coffee was banded to me
the other day, which was so pale and thin that
thsught il was the ghost Of some | split
once when my motaer caught me stealing
meat off the gridiron.'
hsrAn old maid was heard to exclaim
while sitting at her toilet the other day-"I
can bear adversity;I can encounter hard.
ships, I can withstand the changes of tickle
fortune2-but oh, to live, aud droop, and die
like single pink, can't endure it, aud
what's mere, wont'
ErIt would be better ii young ladies
would encourage yeung men more on account
Of their good characters than their good
clothes. A good reputation is better capital
than q fine coat in almost any kind Of bust
ness, except wOoing fashionable lady.
No Between the hostess and a gentleman,
sat Q young lady at the tea table. on whom
deyolved Of course the Office Of handing to
the gentleman the cup of hyson fon are
. Heoe, he remarked No. said another
person opposite, the lady Is She-bes'
IfA jailor had received strict orders
not TO keep any prisoners in solitary coRfne-
ment Once when he had but twoin charge,
one escaped, and be was obliged in conse-
qaeucs 70 kick the other out of doors, to CON-
ply with the regulations.
.Lrs Hsw win your country 60 this yesrl'
asked jealous politician Of citizen Of
Berks county.
aven, can't tell much replied the
simple Datchman, ''de man what tells rs
how to vote has not beeRfounan
"~Why do you setJour cup Of coffee on
tae chair, Mr. Jcnesl" saba worthy land,
lady cue morning at breakfast
At Is SO very weak, ma.ma,n replied Mr.
j. demprely, Il thought would let it rest.
~An editor 4. a dinner table, being asked
If be would take some pudding, replied in =
it of abstraction, "0wing 10 crowd Of other
matter, / am unable to find room for IT,
ErHow many women have been ruined
BY diamonds, as bird catchers-entice the
iarS from heaven 70 earth with sparkling
glass
TLadies who have disposition to
punish their husbands, should bear ia mind
taat little sunshine will melt an icicle
much quicker than regular NORTHEASTERN
nTA very independent order Of Owe
4cthlngs. has been organized out West, aud
the editors Of that region are earnes,ls re.
commencing il 70 public favor.
HFIt Is with The votes Of men ,s v;.h
! their actions !; il all depends upon TIE rs~ v
IN which you treat them.
HPGently the deus ara o'tr me stealing,
q the man said when be had Eve due bills
presented 70 him at one time
HrBlushes are flying eolors, which mai
dsns carry bloomingly.
~ The more women look in the glasses,
che less they look t. their houses
nCal c6ntempt IN The Supreme Court
y lsl1 spd pgpishsd = supreme contempt