Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-02-08
Dit auo Gumor.

nH-The Cleveland Plaindeeler saws "a
athletic specimen of man from the Emer-
aid Isle. called into the counting room Of one
Of our River street merchants. He took of
bis bat to make bis best bow.
THE top O the morDin' to We. Mistber
P, I've been told yc're in want O. help
I've but little to do. !" replied p with
mercantile gravity.
"l'm the very boy for yees It's but lit
tie care about doin sure, it's the money
I'm afther"
The native reply procured him situation
BJ-Iu an engagement in which Louis vi.
King Of France, was, soldier Of the enemy
tosE held Of tie bride of bis horse, crying
out
'rhe king is taken ~
mo. sir" replied Louis. lifting up bis bat
tle-axe, with which be clave the fellows head
10 two. mo, sir, king is never taken not
even at chess"
E<y-A lady passing along the street one
morning last week. noticed little boy seat
turing salt upon the sidewalk, for the purpose
Of clearing off the ice.
"Well I'm sure" said the lady, this is
real benevolence"
mo it amt, ma am, replied the boy, sits
salt"
HEy.An old maid. who confesses to thirty
i've, says :--"She dosen't believe--not a bit
ofit---in the nonsense that men talk about
breaking their hearts! It's her firm belief
that there never was man yet who broke
his heart or II there was. that he breaks it
as lobster breaks one of his claws, another
one shooting UP very quickly in its place"
hal say. printer, do you take Jersey
money ?"
mo"
What's the reason ?--aiot it good ?"
YES"
eWhy don't you take it them"
Cant get it,"
H9-An old gentleman of this city once
said, in speaking Of bad consequences of dis
parity of Fortunes especially on the wife's
sde-in marriage, that when no married he
bad twenty cents, and bis wife. twenty five
and that she was throwing out that extra
i've cents to him, ever afterwards.
Rar There is not so poor book in the
world, that would not be a prodigious effort,
were 1t wrought out entirely by a single mind
without the aid of prior investigations,
f9-A mother, admonisbiug her son Ga
lad some seven years Of age) told him he
should never defer till tomorrow what he could
40 to-day. The little urchin replied: Then,
mother, let's eat the remainder of the plum
pudding to night"
Bxg-The man who taught weather-cocks
to crow left for the West on Thursday. He
talks Of buying the Rocky Mountains, for tho
purpose OF giving more picturesqc tour to
the great desert Of Sahara.
Hk-"Six feet IN his boots 90 exclaimed
Mrs. Darlington. What will the importance
oil this world come to, wonder? Why, thew
might just as reasonably tell me that the
man bad six heads in bis hat r.
Eky-S Somebody advertises for agents to sell
awork entitled "Hymenial Instructor" The
best bymenal instructor we know offs a Young
widow. Wbas she don't know, there is no
use in learning.
DH@Some wives would make excellent
eompositors on the morning newspapers, as
they are in the habit of sitting up late fol
steamers
Battle young widow who edits pape,
ont in Ohio, says I'VE don't look so well to.
day on account Of the non arrival of th,
mails
nEy~A Frencbman in Court street, ha,
nvenred remedy for the 2thake, which vii
alleri-s all pain 4th ,rith. This beats tn,
Yankees.
D<g~Punch denomipates the good oil
drinking days" as the time wien every Jacl
had bis Gill.
Bay-Thc modern way of asking for mar
riage licence is to say. Clerk, give me an or
der for q woman.
R&-Wanted good draugttsman, to dra
several prizes in Gift Concert.
nTR epining at losses is like putting pei
per into sore eye-it only inerea ses tho pai
elarTrain up child the way he sbould''
CO. and when be gets old be- do as he please
HSsy-The man who got intoxicated on CO.
son-gin has joined the temperance society.
Ha-The fellow tina. chopped logic, 'brol
down in the attempt to chop cord wood.
RkrTbe squirrel jumps from branch
branch. the airt from beau to beau.
RkE-Tf fourteen pounds make stone. no
many win make pebble?
nJ-ConsumptiOn Of gas--makiDg ms
4 q.