Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1854-04-26
"AURICULAR CONFESSIONS"
How the Irishman Paid for His POta-


How the lriShman RAID FOR hlS FoLd"
toes.
A hundred years have not yet been de-
voured by time since gentleman lived
in the clear air of TipFerary, in Ireland, 1,
proverbially noted for his utter dislike Of
the late O'Connell, and most holy hatred
of"Auricular Confession"
Many bitter pang it cost him, to see
his tenantry, as he used remark, the
'dupes of that Kerry Agitator.' Yet while
the times were good and the potatoes
sound, they paid him his rent-sent their
tribute to the Repeal Association, and
with light hearts, but blistered feet, fol-
lowed O'Connell from Gashel to Mallow,
and from Mallow TO Lismore; shouting re-
peal, and swapping their fingers at mus
tachoid dragons and bloody peelers.
Well, it happened to be on a fine clear
morning, in the month of October, 1874,
the very season for digging potatoes, that
our Tipperary gentleman had a number
of men employed for the same purpose.
Jumpers" were leaping from the earth
without blight or speck, at every probe
of the spade, "Pink Eyes" "Quarries, "
"Farmers," and as many other names as
would puzzle Homer, though he number
ed the Grecian fleet.
Towards evening he strolled out and
came to take a survey of his workmen.
and examine if they had worked sufficient
for the eight pence (sixteen cents) each,
he was to give them. He saw they had
or at least he was satisfied, and his heart
was right glad, for the world was going
right well with him.
He talked familiar with those poor
workmen, and in his Joy the aristocrat
was for moment laid aside. He put
his hand in his pocket and drew forth the
Dublin Evening Mail, and read there
from a most violent ''lea Ter" in which the
gentlemen of Cancellation Hall we're paid
their quota Of abuse for that week. Now
this Dublin Evening Mail WAS one of the
most scurrillious buffooning periodicals
that ever printers devils set hands upon
Still it delighted our gentleman, because
it dashed O'Connell and the papists-
though the editor used once to make the
sign of the cross himseIf-and he was
Just cmptying his probOscis of {
cargo of Lundy Foote'S snuff, before read
ing for them, when one who acted a:
spokesman, broke in with,
There'll be a station at Ned Pindcr'.
tomorrow, yer honor, and the men says
they'll be wanting to go TO confession.
There was dead pause. Had a whirl
wind carried away the potatoes of tho
whole year, he might have borne it with
patience to make Job ashamed. But who
could be patient at this The tempes
was gathering-the leader in the Mai
was forgotten-the paper was replaced
in his pocket, and the "clouds o'erpres
sed" at length burst forth with ICON.
fession the devil, you rascal When
will you have sense Confess, indeed
To tell your sins to man like yourselves
1 have as much power as he has Come
to confess to me, and I'll prove to you
that l can forgive you your sins as well
pause. Who would dare to contradict
the master? As well might the Russian
serf oppose the ukas of the unholy auto
" Paddy Puck" from the belief that he
used to ride "Puck," the fairy horse,
stuck his spade in the ground. and rest
ing his chin on the top of the handle, in
the most philosophical mode, drawled
out
"Be my own sowl. and yer sight, sir
an us llst on the point O. maxim up my
mlnd' Ia be, to go to yer honor, and
come back to my work agin, nor be after
losing half day"
His companions looked daprers his
master looked pleased, and PADDY looked
the figure of honesttruth and mperturba-
bic gravity.
"Are you joking. Barry? ," asked the
master.
"Divh carry me away if am, yer no.
ner," was the reply.
$50 you say you'll come to confession
TO me. instead of going TO Father Fitzge-
raid ?"
"Do say I'll go? Why thin yer ho-
nor; isn't'it afsher sayin' it 1 am this mi.
uit-an' whoever knew Paddy Barry to
break his word ?''
Satisfied to have even one convert he
allowed the rest to go to the station,
while it was agreed that Paddy should
come to the "Great House" next MORN.
!9g: 1t would have been in no wise amiss
~ raddy had an insurance taken on his
INC ior tue remainder OF the evening, from
tne manner in which his companions
.oe orease1 so a. MIN but Paddy said he would
Morning came, and true to his word
faddy was up to time. The mas,or ,r,ot
him and sent him to the cook to Iet h;S
breakfast. which ours.penitent eat with i6
gustN' for it was long since the like fall
IN his way, and probably it would be as
long again. :.
Nov. sir." said Paddy a. he return.