The true Democrat., 1854-12-13
Doesticks Invents a Patent
 Medicine.
Neao Fork, November 6, 1854.(
 7O1 Narrow street. (

SOue luIO tHe paLenC meQlcln0 DuSlneSS. My name will be handed down to posterity as that of universal benefactor The hand which hereafter writes upon the record of fame the names of Ayre Sands Townsend, Mofat, Nor rison and Brandreth, must also inscribe, side by side with these distinguished appellations, the no less brilliant cognomen of the undying Doe- sticks Emulous of the deathless notoriety which has been acquired by the medicinal wor- thies just mentioned also resolved to achieve name and fortune in the same reputable and honest manner Bought gallon of tar, cake of beeswax and frkin of lard and in twenty one hours l presented to the world the first batch of "Doestick's Patent Se!f- Acting Four Horse Poaoer Balsam," designed to cure all dis eases of mind, body or estate, to give strength to the weak, money to the poor, bread and but ter to the hungry. boots to the barefoot, decen- cy to blackguards, and common sense to the KnowNothings. It acts physically, morally, mentally, psychologically, physiologically and geologically, and t is intended to make our sublunary sphere a blissful paradise, to which Heaven itself shall be but a sideshow
 l have not yet brought it to absolute perfec- ton, but even now it acts with immense force, as you will perceive by the accompanying tes- tlmonials and records of my own individual ex- perience. You will observe that have not resorted to the usual manner of preparing cer- tlhcates-which is, to be certain that all those intended for eastern circulation seems to come from some formerly unheard of place in the west, while those sent to the west shall be dat ed at some place forty miles east of sunrise. But send to you, as representing the western country, certificate from an Oregon farmer:
 Dear Sir-The land composing my farm has hitherto been so poor that a Scotchman couldn't get his living of 1t, and so stony that we had to slice our potatoes and plant them edgeways; but hearing of your balsam, 1 put some on the corner of ten acre lot, surround ed by rail fence, and in the morning found the rocks had entirely disappeared, neat stone wall encircled the field, and the rails were split into oven-wood and piled up symmetricallv in my back yard Put half an ounce into the middle of huckleberry swamp; in two days it was cleared of, planted with corn and pump klns, and had row of peach trees in full bloom Ill the middle. As to an evidence of its tre- menduous strength, I would state that it drew striking likeness of my eldest daughter drew my youngest boy out of the mll-pond- drew blister all over his stomach-drew load ot potatoes four miles to market, and eventually drew prize of nlnety-seven dollars in the State lottery. And the effect upon the inhabitants hereabout has been so wonderful, that they have opened their eyes to the good of the coun- try, and are determined to vote for governor who IS opposed to frosts in the middle of June, and who make positive law against fresh- cts, hall storms and the seventeen year locusts.'
 SAIL HARBoR, June 31, 1854.
 My Dear Doctor: (You know 1 attended medical lectures half winter. and once assist Q6 n fICrr 1yo1 I leg; so 1 understand perfectly we'll the theory and practice of medicine, and the doctor is per tectly legitimate under the Prussian system.) By the incessant study required in this esta- bllshment, had become worn down so thin that was obliged to put an overcoat on to cast shadow-but accidentally hearing of your balsam, obtained quantity, and, in obedience to the homeopathic principle of this institution took an anfnatest'maal dose only; in four days I measured one hundred and eighty two inches round the waist-could chop eleven cords of hickory wood in two hours and half; and on bet, carried yoke of oxen two miles and a quarter in my left hand, my right hand being tied behind me; and if any one doubts the fact, the oxen are still to be seen.
 About two weeks after this, I had the plea sure of participating in gunpowder explosion, Vi tered over the village, and my mangled re- mains pretty equally distributed throughout the entire county. Under these circumstances my life was despaired of, and my classmates had bought pine coffin, and borrowed whole shirts to attend the funeral in; when the invin- cible power of your four horse power balsam (which l happened to have in my vest pocket) suddenly brought together the scattered pieces of hOdxy tol I>, +1> districts-put new life into my shattered frame, and I was restored, uninjured, to my friends, with a new set of double teeth I have pre- served the label which enveloped the bottle. and have sewed it into the seat of my panta- looms, and now bid grim death defiance, for I feel that am henceforth unkillable, and in fact am even now generally designated the Great Western Achilles"
 Yours entirely, "SK1-H1."
 feel that after this Mr. Editor, need give nevertheless detail some of my own personal experience of the article. caused some to be applied to the Washtenaw Bank after its fai- lure, and while the balsam lasted the Bank re- deemed its notes with specie. The cork of one of the bottles dropped upon the head of childless widow, and in six weeks she had
 
 some to hack driver in glass of gin and su- gar, and that day he swindled but seven peo- pie, and only gave two of them bad money in change. Gave few drops gratis to poor woman who was earning precarious subsistence by making calico shirts with one-eyed needle, and the next day she was discovered to be heir to large fortune. The Know Nothing candi- date for Mayor of the city has sent for bottle, and it has entirely cured him of violent yer bal diarrhe. Gave some to an uptown actor, and that night he said damned" only twenty one times. One of the daily papers got the next dose, and in the next edition but one there were but four editorial falsehoods, seven inde- cent advertisements, and two columns and half of home made Foreign Correspondence" Caused fifteen drops to be given to the low CO., median of a Broadway theatre, and that night he was positively dressed more like a man than a monkey-actually spoke some lines of the author-made only three insane attempts at puerile wtticisms-on twice went out of his way to introduce some grossly ndelicate line into his part, and for a wonder lost so much of his self-concet that for full half hour he did not believe himself the greatest comedian in the world. Gave some to newsboy, and he manufactured but three fires, couple of mur-