Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1854-08-10
VARIETY.


We asked him, says an exchange, if he
had tried it. ind be replied
yes, tried il once, asd it worked like q
charm. had the best accom- modations in
che house for sbeat week, without any ex
psnse, sill the landlord enc day touched me
on the arm Says hs
You are the judge Of probate, are you
uotl'
No, 1 replisd
tNstof the Supreme Court, certainly 2
sNo.,, rejoined I, mot Of any court
s0f what are you Judge, them continued
he, thinking 9th many dxins he had seat
up to my ROOM
Il am Judge,'I pOmpously replied, of
good living
~An old man about 10 bid his last adieu
ts earth, had bis friends called near, when
be was desired BY his wife to tell what debts
were owning him. /
There's old Siddons owes me Eve sEil-
lings for mutton
Och interjected the delighted helpnate,
70 seq man at this time o'day, and just
xaun to close his last account, hae the use O.
his faculties--just say ava, jamie
.Ay, and Roy, ten shilliHgs for beef
'What pleasant thing to sec q man bein'
sensible to the last-only mair--but MOI to
distress yourself .
Ar Lane, q crown for cows hide
sAy,' quoth~ the wife, sensible yet--well
James what vast ye was gaun to say 3
!. mae mair,' quOth james but I'm awin
Jack Thompson two pound in balance on a
cow
sHost, toot,' quoth Che wife he is a raviu,
{ tso--he's just rsvin dinna mind any mair
that he saysr
nrA traveller found buffalo robe be-
longing to q hotel keeper, who, on receiving
il, thanked tho finder, remarking that a
; Thank you was worth twenty five cents, and
. Thank you kindly was worth thirty seven
and o half cents. Soon after the traveller
called for dinner, ate it, and asked the land.
lord what was topay.
twenty-five cents was the reply
4 thank you kindly said the traveller,
and moved Off
Here, my good fellow, stop and take the
change, remarked the landlord, throwing
down ninepence your dinner was only
twenty fvo cents
10ne Of the excurtionists to the Up
per Mississippi says
Our driver was asked if It was healthy on
che prsiriss
Yes, he said, people never really die on
them they keep living until they actually
Ary up, and then blow away. Sometimes,
when lhey want TO die, as they do in the East,
they move out Of town and 60 down the
river
TA man having sold gun to an Irish.
nan, be soon returned with it, complaining
that tie barrel was musA bent
Isit = said he; then ought to have
charged more for it,
why 80. . said the other
Because these pieces ara constructed for
shooting round corner
EfThe Danvills Herald has devil who
thinks this great world He says that at
the Office they charge him with all the pi
they do End, while at the boarding house
they charge him with all they donit find
He seems to doubt the propriety Of the pro.
oeedings
ErAn anecdote Is relatea~of an old lady
whe entertained travellers. Before her
guests commenced meal it was her custom
ts ask blessing in this wise -
s0h Lord, make us truly thankful for
the food before US. Nancy, hand round the
corn bread frst, and the biscuits after
= Amen
.rsI believe they have been iuoculated
Hith stupidity, said . lawyer.
That may be- said his opponent, but the
harris Of the opinion that you had it in the
5 natural way =
Hr.Sit down now-eat, drink, and be
merry, every mothers son Of ye., cried Pat
10 his guests. MAKE yerselfs q home; I'm
( q home, and jist wish ye were every one Of
ya that samer
@Many persons are now anxiously ex
aiming the maps to find the seat Of war
Fubbs says he found ID this summer without
map The discovery was made BY sitting
desn upon . yellOwWasp's nest in bay
ksid.
A SKE,INa PARADox WasherEomon arc
said TO be the most inconsistent people in
the yofld, because they always look for soft
water whom II has been raining hard
SuRE 10 HAVE THEN FREsH.-An old lady
in Cincinnati, who sells eggs, has over her
deor-'Nev laid eggs every morning, By
Betsy Briggs
HlBERnIclsM --An freshman complained
70 his physician that he stuffed him so much
With drugs, that be WAS sick long time
! aftsr be got we'll
nrNever put too much confidence in
ycur ais6ciatea They may be yOut worst
KfAn Irishnan's description Of making
aeannon. Take = leng hole and pour brass
around Il
p-An editor who never thinks twice be-
fore speaking once, says that the first dress
worn By eur ancestors in the garden Of Eden
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