The Yazoo Democrat., 1854-04-05
Deathbed Advice Of Hon. Simon
Smirk.
BY W. 0. EATON.

samuel was standing by his side, and while ht
was holding his fathers hand, his father spoke tc
him as follows: aeE 6
Sammy, am dying-at the age Of hftyfve
l wish you to pay strict attention to my dying
advice"
''Father I will. . oa s
Sammy, the neighbors and all my friends
tell me haven't an enemy in the world, and
believe l haven't. / want you to understand
why haven't. Ii is all owing to policy; Sam
policy, and nothing shorter. When / was of
your age, my boy, was as poor as a broken
down village horse, turned out TO die. Age has
at last broken me down, but / amt poor, thank
policy! Follow my example, and you will be-
come richer BY far than your father, Sammy
and die without an enemy as do"
Samuel wept, as in duty bound. But grief
and his handkerchief choked his utterance, SO he
said nothing.
1T has been all my policy" resumed the dy
ing Smirk g to avoid giving offence to any one.
No matter what people said or did to me-or
any one else-right or wrong-I have always
endeavored to forbear and submit, wherever
could to be calm aud cautious on all occasions,
and to avoid the exhibition of any sign of re-
sentiment. BY long experience in this course l
have found that by persevering 10 agree with
everybody. skilfully, is sure eventual guide to
universal popularity"
" But have you never had any difficulty with
any one 81
" Not since was twenty-one.'' said the dy-
ing man, gasping for breath Reach me lit
tie more water and wet my lips. They are too
parched for me to speak plain. There-there, .
he added, and his son obeyed him; that will
do and you shall be initiated into my in variable
Invaluable policy. BE deferential, Sam, defer
ential and control your temper, and flatter
Whenever you get chance have bow, and
smile, and word, and shake of the hand for
everybody-mark! foreverybody- y-and then you
will get along"
But l mustn't be friendly to villains, must
lI?7
| Friendly! Humph! be friendly to nobody,
sem so. Villains they compose two-thirds of
the community and are the most influential
As for the other third, though it is we'll enough
| to keep their good opinion they are only subor-
dinates in the building up of a man. But don't
get affronted with them. Oh no Sam, never
do that. Never kick dog unless you are sure
that he hasn't an owner, then kick away, if you
like
Though his father was dying. Samuel could
not hel smiling at this Language:
"That's right" said the elder Smirk 81 like
that. Smile again. By smiling made many
friend. But be careful you do not smile the
wrong time. A smile is a powerful weapon,
but it must be used with Judgment
sDo you know, Sam, why | was Away such
a favorite among the women 2"
''No, father"
81 was always careful, in the first place, to
| feel my way with the women; took care to I'M
dersrand their characters, their sentiments, their
particular vanities and hobbies; keeping my
own ideas in the back ground until could CO.
iucide with theirs / always took care never to
speak disrespectfully of the sex. never in the
presence of woman, g woman" or g fe-
male" l had but one name-lGdies-for all
the feminine gender"
'How did you do when they differed, and
asked your opinion?'
'F i would agree with one, and at the same
time wink at the Others silly, as much as to say.
It's all humbug, what I am saying" If a wo-
man is ugly, I'd praise her intellect. If she
didn't know anything, I'd praise her virtue: In
this way seldom missed the mark /; for it is
very seldom you find woman that is ugly, i'm
moral, and fool in the bargain. In fact it is
hard to find anybody who hasn't some good
point, or who isn't susceptible to f1attery in some
way or other; and man must be a fool, who,
determined to fatter, and make his flattery ac-
ceptable, can't seize hold of some merit, in mind
in heart form, or face Of the person he wishes to
please, and feigning to admire it make that per
son friendly"
Must be stingy or liberal ?"
4 ooh, be liberal !-be liberal by all means,
said the dying man. with ghastly smile-'that
is-in sentiment. Whenever a generous deed
is done, exalt it to the skies. Always praise
generous people. Clap your hands for philan-
thropy, and then clap them in your pockets and
keep them there"
"Suppose beggar asks aims Of me, or | an
called upon to subscribe to some charitable OBJ
ject.7
!" If any person begs. say, Certainly, my poo
woman or my man.. or my poor child AM
then quickly feel in your pockets. You vii
find no money, Of course, but you must sa.
with sigh, and tear in your eye, if you car
scare up one, I'm really ashamed TO own it, bu
unfortunately. haven't cent about me- |
you don't get God bless you" for that, In
i mistaken--I never found it to fail.'
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