The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1854-07-13

The Sons and Daughters of Vermont
held grand Family Festival at Lowell.
recently. SAKE, the funny man, was in
yited, but being compelled to decline the
invitation, sent the following proxy:
VERMoNT.-Famous for the production
Of four great staples, namely men, no.
men, mapie Sugir and h,rseS:
The fist are strong-the last are fleet
The second and third are exceedingly sweet
And all are uncommonly hard to beat
CoNscIEHTIoUsHEss.- l shall prevent
the use Of ardent spirits, as the innkeep-
er said when he watered the liquors
MARvELoUsNEss. Shouldn't wonder if
that made my head ache. as the sailor
said when the cannon ball smashed his
skull.
VEYERATIoS ALI the world looks up
to me, as the thiefsa when be stood in
the pillory.
BESEvoLEYcE Il leave you the bulk
of my personal property, as the fat old
gentleman said to his lean nephew.
CoEsTRUc UcTIvENEss 81 II do it for you
with pleasure, as the carpenter said when
the hangmau asked him to make the gall
lows.
IDEALITY. Il banquet on the smiles
Of love, as the hungry poet said when he
thought Of his mistress about dinner-time.
IMTArIoS.-I'll follow in your foot.
steps, as one thief said to another when
he spellt d him on the treadmilI.
INDIVIDUALITY. That is personal re.
mark, as the prisoner said when the Judge
told him to hold out his right hand.
Form You only want tail to be
one of US, as the monkey said to the
whiskercd dandy.
S1zE.--'It is not the size of present
that gives it its value, as the gentleman
said when his lady brought him four boys
at a birth.
WEIGnT.--'I feel the weight of your
resentment, as the man said when his
wife beat him with broomstick.
CALcULATIoE.--'Yo our friendships very
dear to me- as the merchant said when
he had to pay for his Endorsements for his
neighborS
LOCALITY - This spot seems rather wet
and exposed, as the drunken man said
when he fell into the gutter.
A French officer said to a Swiss officer,
L would not fight as you do, for money
We French fight for honor, sir replied
the Swiss. we both serve for what we
have least Of A mortal duel was the
consequence.
Coke, from bituminous coal, is getting
into pretty general use in locomotives. 1t
is stated that the use of this fuel will ef-
feet saving of two-thirds of the expense
of working steam engines.
laundress who was employed in the
family of one of our distinguished men.
said to him with a sigh,--'Only think,
your excellency, how little money would
make me happy !!
How little, madame p said the old gen.
tleman.
20 dear sir, 800 would make me per-
fectly happy
If that is all, you shall have it, and he
irnnpediatelv gave IL In her
She looked at it with JOY and thankful
ness, and before the old gentleman was
out of hearing exclaimed, Il wish had
said two hundred.'
Biddy, has that surely fellow cleared off
the snow from the pavement 2 Yes,
sur Did he clear it off with alacrity,
Biddy 2 No, sur, wild shovel
A writer OF love tale, in describing his
heroine, SAYS, Innocence dwells in the
rich curls of her dark hair We should
think it would stand pretty smart chance
of being combed out.
Il wish you would pay little attention,
sir, said carpenter to his careless ap-
prentice. We'll sir, so | am paying as lit
tie attention as can, said the other, quite
coolly.
An Irish gentleman having party to
meet at tavern, exclaimed, on arriving,
finding the room empty--'So | am first af-
ter all
The waiter informed him that he was
mistaken that his friends had been there.
but were gone.
Very we'll, replied the Hibernian,
then have made no mistake for as they
were all here before, surely was rightiR
saying l was first after all
Tommy, how's all your folks 2 'All
we'll but Growler--he's got the bow-wow-
el complaint.
Why is dancing ike new milk ? Do
you give it up? Bekaze it strengthens
the calves,
II