Democrat and sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1853-1866, 1854-08-31
How Pipkin Blowed Himself.

How Pipkin Blowed Himself.
Bill Pipkin hadn't been married very long;
hadn't got out of the habit of taking a little
punch at drinking frolics with his friends on
particular occasions He was frst-rate at max
ing excuses for staying out all night now and
then he was terribly pressed with business,
and as he took very good care never to go
home crosslegged, his wife never suspected
ANYTHING and all went on very well. One night
however Bill got rather more than he could
carry straight, but he didn't find it out until
he was on his way home. He wouldn't have
Susan know he was in such a situation for the
world. and he began thinking as well as he
could with his head spinning round so, what
was best ia be done to keep her from finding
it out.
..Hic-Pve got it 'zactly,'' said he-(hic)
Su- Susan knows Pm (hic) terribly f-fond OF
m-milk. Wen I'll Jest take big drink (hic)
that'n fix all rights (hic) sh-she'n never
suspect nothing poor girl; !"
Home he went, practising straight walking
on the way, and studying how he should talk
straight, so that Susan would not find him
out.
When he found the latch which was on the
wrong side of the door, which opened the
wrong way too. he felt around III the dark for
more doors than were in the house before, and
into ever-so-many shaped rooms till he found
the pantry, where he expected to lind some
milk He had on very clear idea as to where
it ought to be: so after feeling about IN every
nlace but the right one, he came to the con-
clusion to 90 to his room and ask his wife
where it was The stairs seemed to be turned
INSIDE down and the bed room changed places
with the kitchen, but he made out at last to
find the room.
After clearing his throat, and saying over
his speech so that he could not make any mis-
take, he opened the door and leaned against
the door post, listened to hear if his wife was
awake She was sound asleep.
s.All the better for that, thought he.
Susan Susan ~ very low and plain.
..Eh ?" said Susan just awaking out of
doze. is that you come home, my dear so
late -
Susan Susan n' said Bill, not paying nay
attention to what she sead-his head being
full of milk Susan y
'sWha1, my dear :"
is there any milk in the houseF
Yes dear-but what in the world
Susan Susan!''
What dear %
.'Where is the milk r
s.In the pantry in the dining room, dear,
but YOU had better come TO bed now
it's So"
Bill didn't say word but took some ter
rible long steps in the dark. lie found the
dining room again and the pantry, but he
couldn't find the milk anywhere. After try
ing five minutes ne went up stairs and leaning
against the door to steady himself asked his
wife again
susan, Susan p said he very emphatical-
"Eb-what ~ said she, waking up again.
..Js there any milk IN the house"
Il told there was some milk in the pantry,
dear" ~
Down went Bill again. This time he felt
everywhere and upset everything making
tcrrii % racket among the crockery, put not 4
drop Of milk could be found
.tConfound the milk" said he, ''where
could they have put it!'
In a minute he was at the bed room door
again.
Susan SUSAN said he.
Susan snuffed the snore short of IN the
middle
What q said she rather cross this time
! .Is there any milk in the house p
''Ycs l told you"
| "WeN, where is it 2" said he.
II told YOU on the shelf-in the pantry
in the ding room," said Susan, breaking 1t OF
| in short mouthfulls.
That rather scared Bill and put him OF HI;
guard :
"Wen, Susan" said he, at as tied up n
ANYTHING or is layin about loose"
This was enough-the cat was out OF tho
bag, and no help for it Mr.. PipIIns wa, wa
bright awake in a minute, and the way bli
got '.caudle" that night, was enough t.
! sober the drunkenest husband IN creation
He never got corned again-and 1t was NOR
than year afterwards before he could drlni
milk in his coffee, when Susan was at Tn
table.
IA rrornan on1t West having been con