The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1854-11-22

me the apple OF my eye, and the core OF m,
heart, and laid them in these two graves
will water the one with my tears, and the othe
With the milk Of my breast, till l meet then
again that country where the sun never sets.
Speaking of beauty, wish people woule
dress pleasantly, benevolently. | saw lovely
girl to-day, looking unlovely and unloyeable
because her muslin dress was stffly starched
20 keep clean longer. Ny laundress tries te
persuade me into the barbarous custom. Te
my mind, a woman should always look as soft
TO the touch as the flower, and as pure. AL
her garments should be made of the finest and
softest material possible, material that will east
" dispose itself into folds, falling gracefully
around her, and not, by being liable to be ruff
tudes and starched demeanor, denying her the
luxury of lounge and loll; why, my very words
would grow prm and precise were to wear a
dress which depended on flour or potato fol
lis propriety.
A lawyer in Bangor, wishing, for some par
ticular reason, to get an adjournment of the
court, went among the jurors, and reported
that ten cases of cholera had occurred thai
morning. The court was obliged to adjourn
Eor want Of a panel.
Quite rivalry exists in London at the pre-
sent time among the funeral undertakers and
The Economic cemetery funeral establishment
in Hyde park, which has cut a little under the
regular rates and advertises that first class fu-
neral will be attended for $l35 and Grades
mans funeral will be got up for $50.
Among the many ingenious and labor-sa-
wing machines now on exhibition at the New
York state fair, is one invented by gentleman
from Connecticut, who says that when it is
wound up and set in motion, ii will chase g.
hog over a ten acre lot, catch, yoke and ring
him, or by a slight change of gearing it viii!
chop him into sausages, work his bristles into
cork brushes, and manufacture his tail into
cork screws, all in the twinkling of a bed post.
A gentleman away off in Arkansas. who
had been stopping at a cross road country tav.
ern about two weeks, writes to friend about
the manner in which ''hotel affairs are con-
Quoted. He says, the regulations of the house
are written in bold round hand, and tackled
on to the door of each bedroom. The rules
are rigidly enforced, and the sighted DIVA
tion is met with the penalty. Here they are;
l. Gentlemen will black their boots before
leaving their rooms, or they will not be admit
ted to table, without an extra charge of bit
q meal.
2, Gentlemen going to bed with their boots
on, viii be fined quarter for the first offence,
Jour bits for the second, and turned out and
sued for their board for the third-the land
lord holding on to the plumber.
3, No person allowed to call twice for the
same dish-without paying an extra bit.
i. Gentlemen not on hand at meal times can
not come to the table without paying an extra
bit.
s. Any gentleman found going to the ladies'
rooms will be fined five dollars, and perhaps
turned out. as the case is aggravating. !.
6. All travellers are expected to treat before
leaving the house--the landlord holding on I'd
the plunder until he comes out. /
ttter the news of the destruction of stamped
paper had arrived in England, the ministry
sent for doctor Franklin to consult with; and
offered this proposal: "That if the Americans
would engage to pay for the damages in the
destruction of the stamped paper, &C., the par
lament would then repeal the act"
The doctor, having paused upon this ques.
lion for some time, at last answered as follows;
This puts mein mind of Frenchman, who
having heated poker red hot, ran furiously
lnto the street, and addressing the first Eng
lishman he met there, "Ho, monsieur, will
you give me the satisfaction, to run this pokeE
only one foot into your body?"
MY body!" replied the Englishman, what
do you mean?"
Vel den, only say SO far marking outsiz
inches
Are you mad?" returned the other; I'll
Knocked you down.
Vel den," said the Frenchman, softenins
his voice and manner; vii you, my good sir,
only be so obliging as to pay me for the trou
BILE and expense of heating the poker?' VI
The most extraordinary instance of patience
on record in modern times is that of an Hi,
nois Judge, who listened silently for two DAYS
while couple Of worthy attorneys contended
about the construction Of an act of the legis-
lature, and then ended the controversy BY qui
city remarking--''G Gentlemen, the law is re-
pealed"
A Dutchman thus describes the New York
ers: Fine people," says he, "dey 60 about
der streets all day cheating each oder, and dey
call dat piziness.''
An Irishman had been sick a long time, and
while in that state would occasionally cease
breathing, and life be apparently extinct for
SOlst GiuS, WHICH Hc Wouiu COulG ~. vi OHI
of these occasions when he had just awakened !
from his sleep, Patrick asked him, 'sAn' how'll
we know, Jenny, when ye're dead? ye're
afther waking up livery time" Bring me
glass of grog, and say to me, heres till 20, |
Jenny and if | don't rise and drink, then
bury me-
Look at this one simple fact, made obvious
" by the last census The mean .lfetime'l
in Liverpooli is but a5 years, while the mean !
lifetime in Surrey is As years! The people
die 90 years on An average before their time ii
Liverpool tried even by the result of defec-
tive state of things in Surrey. The mean
Lifetime Of all England is about 40 years.
If all England were to form themselves into
one large society for making the average life
time seventy and would one and all carry oft
the rules which science and experience point
out, and God permits, they would effect their
purpose. We should be saying only what We
believe to be feasible il we suggested "socs-
ETY. for living to a hundred" Who'll join2
The Charlotte papers say that doct. D. Dun
lap, Of that place. now in his 18th year, u
sorely afflicted with the whooping cough. The
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