The Belmont chronicle, and farmers, mechanics and manufacturers advocate. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1848-1855, 1854-07-21
Razor Strop Redivivus.
ScENE-CALIroRSIA.

ScENE-CALIroRxiA
The reporter of the San Francisco News,
furnishes that paper with the following report
of speech made by California auctioneer:
"Ladies and gentlemen, now have the
honor of putting up fine pocket handker-
chief; yard wide, yard long, and almost
yard thick; one half cotton, and the other half
cotton, too; beautifully printed on one side
with stars and stripes, and stripes and stars
on tother: it will wipe dust from the eyes so
completely as to be death to demagogues,
and make politics as hard business as prin-
ting papers; its great length, breadth and
thickness, together with its dark color. will
enable it to hide dirt, and never need washing;
going at one dollar!-seventy-fve cents!--
fifty cents!--twenty- five centsl-one bit! No
body wants it! Oh thank you sir
Next, gentlemen, for the ladies won't be
permitted to bid on this article, is a real,
simon, pure, tempered, highly polished, keen
edged Sheffield razor; bran spanking new;
never opened before to sunlight, moonlight,
starlight, daylight, or gas-light; sharp
enough to shave a lawyer, or cut disagreea-
Bile acquaintance or poor relation; handle of
buck-horn; with all the rivets but the two
at the ends, of pure gold.--Who will give
two dollars! one dollar! half dollar! Why
ye long bearded, drty-faced reprobates, with
not room enough on your phizzes for CHI
! nese woman to kiss, I'm Offering yeu bar
gain at half dollar! Well, will throw in
this strop at half dollar-razor and strop-
a recent patent, two rubs upon it will sharp
en- the city attorney; all for four bits; and a
| piece Of soap, sweeter than roses; lathers
better than schoolmaster; and strong enough
| to wash out all the stains from California
politicians countenance, all for four bits!
/ Why, you have only to put this razor-strop
and soap under your pillow at night, to wake
up in the morning clean shaved; anybody
then give two bits for the lot! | knew
would sell 'em.
"Next, ladies' and gentlemen, offer three
/ pair Of socks, hose, stockings, or half hose,
/ just as you're mind to call them Knit by
a machine made on purpose, out of cotton
wool. The man that buys these will be ena-
bled to walk till he gets tired; and provided
his boots are high enough, needn't have any
corns. The legs are as long as bills against
D Tic pOIdLlOlls III u 10 lulCh uS thO Cuuo VI
the members of the Legislature; who wants
'em at one dollar!-thankee, madame, dollar!
! "Next,I offer you pair of boots; made es-
pecialy for San Francisco, with heels long
enough to raise a man up to the Headly
grades, and nails enough to ensure against
being carried away by land slide; legs wide
enough to carry two revolvers and bowie
knife, and the uppers of the very best horse
leather. man in these boots can move
about as easy as the State capitol; who says
twenty dollars! All tax payers ought to
buy pair, to kick the council with; every
body ought to ny pair to kick the Legisla-
ture wi:h-and they will be found of sssis-
tance in kicking the oucket--ten dollars for
| legs, uppers and soles! white souls, and mis-
erable souls at that, are bringing twenty thou
sand dollars in Sacramento! ten dollais! ten
dollars!-gone al ten dollars!
/ "Neyt, is something you ought to have,
gentlemen; a lot of good galowses, soHe-
times called suspenders. know that some
of you will after awhile be furnished at the
States expense, but you can't tellwhich one;
so buy they're cheap; all that deserve hang
: ing are not supplied with gallows, If so,
there would be nobody to make laws, con-
denim criminals, or hang culprits, until new
election, made of pure gum elastic--stretch
/ like Judges conscience, and last as long as
California office-holder will steal; buckles
of pure iron, and warranted to hold so tight
that no mans wife can rob him of his breech-
es, are, in short, as strong, as good, as perfect
as effectua and as bona fde as the ordinance
against Chinese shops on Dupont street
gone at twenty-five cents"