Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1854-02-15
THE spy SYSTEM.

| The Erians have out their spies, and, who ev-
er comes into town, they stick close to him.
| We find in the Times an amusing account of
shrewd Yankee who visited the place, went
into every store euquiring the price of articles,
until it was declared that he must be a hreling
of the railroads. So one of the City Police came
up to him, when the following dialogue took
| place -
"Wel, Sir" said q spy, 81 understand that
you've been going around this borough and ask
ing questions that you didn't want answered, on
ly just for the purpose of getting your nose in
| to other peoples business. Now, sir, all have
to say is, that if you don't leave this town very
| soon, you'll get tarred and feathered."
TIN Peddler.-Well, there! | say Squire,
what's the price of feathers down here? I've
got enough hen feathers to tar and feather the
hull town, an I'll sell 'em cheap tew. Want
tew buy any wooden ware, or rat traps, or still
yard!
Spy.-Come with me, Sr-rl see whether
Mr.. Lowrie or the Mayor won't pay bonus for
you.
Il. P.-Sartinly-if they keep little, that's
good, we can take a smile, and then, perhaps we
can drive trade.
S.-Sr, his Honor's officers of the special SER
vice are not in the habit of triAing. must know
Immediately who you are, where you come from,
what your business is, and where you're going
Come answer quick, Sir-Pve no time to lose,
and answer correctly, or see what you'll get
displaying al immense horse pistol well load
ed)
IT, p. (Quite jocularly for a tin-peddler)-Well
there, Squire, I'd jest as leave tell you as not,
and if you'll jest pint that shooting iron away
from my vituals, III describe it right from the
start.
Swell, I'll humor you for a moment, but
be quick or III fire.
Il. P.-Oh, Squire, eff you should offer tew
shoot that pistol at me, should feel (and he
did feel all over his clothes, until finally, he
drew forth, capped and ALL one of Colts latest,
with all the modern Improvements, and holding
it carelessly in such q position as to enable the
spy to look without difficulty into the aperture,
he resumed)-I should feel obliged tew shoot
tew, (and he continued to operate with the trg-
ger, with apparent heedlessness Of consequen-
ces)
Stake care, Sir. Take care, Sir. Don't
wggle that trigger-it might go off.
Il. P.-'Spect it will every minute-but, you
see it amt SO big as your'n, and so it ought to
60 off little first so as tew get threw as quick
as your'n. All want is fair play, and you see
I'm bound to have it, Now, who are yew, what's
your business, and where do you come from,
and who do you belong to, and how'll yew trade
pstls. say! (And he pointed it with still dead
ier aim)
81 am one of the Mayors Special Secret
Police, and if you shoot me you'll be hung on a
telegraph pole.
L. P.-Well, I'm a free and enlightened cit-
zen of these United States. pedde tin some
times, and sometimes something else-and al
ways go jest about where my nose leads me. l
came down here to see if could trade-but,
gracious me, there amt business enough doing
in this ere town tew buy yard Of yaller ribbon.
So guess the Mayor hain't got much business
for you or any body else here, and | calculate
you won't make much working at pe-so good
day, Mister Mayors man.
S.-Good day, Sir.