Monongalia mirror. [volume] (Morgantown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1855, 1854-07-22
Ben Johnson's Description of a Waltz

liShted up with smashin' big lamps COW
cred over with glass hanglngs. The
ladies louked as nice as little angels
their faces as white as if they had dip
ned them into -four barrel; such red
cheeks. haint seen none in Sleepy
Hollow; their arms all covered with
gold bands, chains, and shiny beads ;
such lips you never did seo-'hey l"ok-
ed "cuiue kiss me all over" their eyes
looked like diamonds; their waists
drawn to the size Of pipe-stem. and
made to look as if they were undergo
ing a regular cu'tin' in.two operation
by tyin' string tight around 'em.
After the gals and youngsters had
walked round and round for c"ns'der'
able spell the music struck up-and sIch
music! 1t was big horn and little
horn, big flute and little flute, big
fiddle and little fiddle, and such
squakin', squallin', and bell win, | nev.
er heard before; it was like all the cats,
pigs, and frogs in chris,endnm had con.
cluded to sing together. They called
| it poker; | spuse it was made ny
some of them Cincinnati Germans, IN
imitation of the squealin' at a porkery'
and l guess it was pretty good lm'ta-
ton.
So soon as the music struck up, such
a sight-,he fellers just caught the gals
right round the waist with one hand, and
pulled 'em smack up in kissin' order,
with the gals chins res,in on the fe'lers
shoulders. At this the gals begin to
sorter jump and capor, like they were
goin' to push 'em away; but the te!,
lefs Just caught hold Of the other hand
and held it oa, and began to jump and
caper too, just like the gals.
swan you never seed such sight!
There was some two dozen gals held
tight in the arms Of them fellers-,hey
racin' and jumpin', and pnshin' 'em
backwar over the room. las | thong ht
,ryin to get away from 'em,) and the
fellers holdin' on to 'em tighter, the
more they jumped and capered, the
more the fellers jumped aud capered,
and the tighter they squeezed the gals,
till q. last begun To think the thing
was being carried too far for fun. |
was little green in these matters. and
seein' the gals tryin' harder and harder
to get away as | thought and the fellers
holdin' tighter, it was very natural
should take the part of the gals. So
my dander kept risin' till | thought
my biler would bust unless let out
steam, so bounced into the middle of
the room. "Thunder and lighinin'
every body come here with shot guns
six barrel shooters and butcher knives!"
balled at the top of my voice, "for |
will be shot if any dod blasted, long
bearded, monkey faced fellow shall i'm.
pose upon gals that ere way where |
am /" and was just goin' to pitch into
'em prumiscuously, when my merchant
caught me by the arm. and said. "s'op
Ben" "I'Il be cussed," says |, "if !
will see the wimmiu fnlks Imposed on |!
Look what them fellers are dnin' and
how hard the gals are rarein' and pitch
in to get away from 'sm! Dn y"u
'spose | can stand still as mile post
and see gals suffer sol Look says ],
"there is gal almost broken down,
and ready 10 give up TO that 'rang-o-tang
of fe!ler! Ynnder is another, SO
faint her head has fallen on the bosom
Of the monster! ltell you was ashy;
I felt like | could jump into 'em like a
catamount into pig-pen.
When | looked into my merchants
face | thought he would have busted
Ho laf, and lait, and squatted down and
lalt.
"Why, Ben." said he. CHATS moth.
ing but the red war waltz they are dan
cling, and them gals uin't trying to get
away from them felle's, they are only
capering to make them fellers h"li them
tighter, kase they like it. The more
the gals caper the tighter they wish t"
be squeezed. There is nothing like be-
ing used to such things"
"You may take my ha'.' says ! to
my merchant" was tuck in tha,
time" | tell you, though I've seen the
} lulian hug and the Kongo dance, b"'
tell you this red war waltz knocks
the hat crown out of everything have
, ever seed.
Ar,er got out of the way, and eve
D ry thing commenced aguin-'he music
rot ias,er-oh! it was fast und furious
as a north wes,er. The gals rared d.
gain, the feIiers hugged tighter. aud the
: music makers putIed out BLOWN.
The gals and felcrs spun r., round ! like
so many tops run mad. The Teller;
, leaned back aud the gals leaned to EN-
the gals fine trucks saied ou, and pop
ped in tho mir like sheets on d clothes
$ line Of u windy day, and the iollers
! Goa, tails stood out So straigh, that ar
y egg would not have rolled off their ia
ces we're as fixed aud serious as u sar
mint. Around they went-it makes m,
, so dizzy to think Of it. Pop went the
: coat tails, crash went the music, ant