Southern shield., 1854-01-21

| Wlllk. Lucy Salu no more. The old man continued:
 "Well, hard as I thort it 'ud be to get wife, fust thing I knowd, hai Sally, here, and she is, or was as pret- ty as any of 'em.'
 Old Mrs. Wallis knitted convulsive- ly, and coughed slightly.
 "However, she never kissed me afore we was married, and it was g long time arter afore she did. The way of it was, we had an old one-h horn ed COW, mighty onnery Ordinary lookin', old as the north star, anc poor as black snake. One day went out to the lot-''
 "Daddy, wouldn't tell that," said Lucy in persuasive tone. "Blamed eff I don't though-it's the truth, and eff you don't keep still, l'll send for Bozeman, to hold you qui- ct in the corner"
 Lucy pouted a little, and was silent.
 "Yes, 1 went out to the lot and thar sure as life, was my old 'oman swung to the COW, and the old thing fvin' round, and cutting up all sorts of shines. Ses I, What the duce are you up to, old 'oman?' And with that she let go, and told me she was try ing to practice kissin' on old Cherry and she thort arter that, she could make up her mind to kiss mel"
 cold man, you made that! I've heard you tel 1t afore-but you made it," said the old lady.
 "Well, we'll I told her, 'squire,' sez I, come down to it now. shet your eyes! hold your breath,-upon that she buss- ed me so, you might heard it quar- ter of mile, and, since that, nobody's had better kissin' than me! Now, that was my first ixperience about bein ugly, arter 1 was grown, and it warn't bad, neither.
 "The next time my ugly feeters came into play, was in Mobile. Was you ever thar? Greatest place on green yearth; steamboats, oysters, free nig- gers, furriners, brick houses-that's the place! I went down on a flat boat from Wetumpky, with old John Todd. We had a fust rate time of 1t till we got most to Mobile, and the steamboats would run so close to us that the slosh- in would pretty nigh capsize us-they done 1t for devilment. How old John cussedl but it done no good. At last, sez I, I'll try 'em, eff thars enny strength in cussin', I'll make lem ashamed.- So the next one came along, cavor- ting and snorting like 1t was gwine right into us, and did pass in twenty foot. 1 ris up on cotton bag, and sez to the crowd-and there was a most almighty one on the guards of the boat--sez l, You internal rack ct making, snorting son of
 "Afore I could get any further in my cussin', the crowd gin the most tremenjus yearth- -shakin' howl that ever was hearn-and one feller, as they were broadside with us, hollered out, "It's the old He ugly himself, Jee- meny, what mouth,' With that there was somethin' raised and rattled in our boat like hail, only heavier; and di- rectly me and old John picked up a level peck of buckhorn handled knives.'' Old Mrs. Wallis lookedto heaven, as if appealing there for the forgiveness of some great sin her ugly consort had committed, but said nothing.
 "So I lost nothin' by bein' ugly that time! Arter got into Mobile, how ever, I was bothered and pestered by the people stoppin' in the street to look at me--all dirty woodsmoked as l was from bein' on the boat"
 ''I think I'd cleaned up little," in- terposed tidy Lucy.
 "Old oman aint you got nary cold tater to choke that gal with? We'll, they'd look at me the hardest you ever seed. But l got ahead of my story. A few days afore, thar had been boat bursted, and heap O people scalded and killed, one way and another. So at last l went into a grocery, and a squad of people followed me in, and one lowed, sez he, it's one of the un- fortunate sufferers by the bustin' of the Franklin; and upon that he axed me to drink with him, and as 1 had my tumbler half way to my mouth, he stopped me of sudden
 Beg your pardon, stranger ses he.
 "But what?" says I.
 "Just fr your mouth that way aginr seq he.
 I done it, just like I was gwiue to drink, and 1 thought the whole of lem would go into fits. they yelled and whooped like a gang of wolves. Fi- naly, one of lem ses, Don't make fun of the unfortunate; he's hardly got over bein' blowed yet.-Let's make up puss for him!'' Then they all throwed in and made me up five dol lars. As the spokesman handed me the change, he axed me 'Whar did you find yourself after the 'splosion?"
 'In fatboat," ses I.
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