Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1854-09-30
Look out for Your Boards !

Under lhlS head writer IN Tie n. Y
SplIil of the Times, describes the mlshap
which recently hclel Mr.. Thos. tlanrks.
because he persisted in wearing more harF
on his face than comporIed with lis wlIe'S
notion Of proprety
Tom was notorious for two things
smoking and unapproachabIe beard. Both
amazingly annoyed his wife, and many
sleepess nights were spent medlIating
how to get rid Of these botheralions. Her
invention faculties were al fault, and she
was about giving up in despair lurther
thoughts upon the subject, and allowing
Tom peace and quieness, for all future
time, in the enjoyment Of what she con-
sidered dirty luxuIies.
Before finally abandoning her long
cherished scheme OF reform, she came to
the conclusion 10 take counsel from the
druggist, who kept his shop at the cor
ner, and who withal was bit OF wag.
Next TO a little medicinal bottle, which
the apothecary kept in corner tor his
own stomach's sake, joke was his de-
LIGHT and on Toms wife diyuIglng her
sorrows, he entered into the matter with
hsartiness that at once raised the good
woman's spirits to a higher degree OF
hone. than her barometer had for long
time Witnessed.
Durirg the day the druggist prepared
a lotion, and having directed Toms VILE
to soak her husbands beard and nous
tache some thoroughly with it, in his first
sleep, warranted a speedy cure TO all her
misercs on that head.
At the usual hour, Tom went 10 bed,
and was soon fast asleep. His vile now
with a soft sponge saturated every hair
or tie cherished chin OF her spouse and
and also retired.
| About three o'clock in the morning.
Tom, rs usual, woke up, and after plung-
| ing his head into the water pitcher. light
ed a cigar, and drawing chair before the
stove, contemplated taking lIule com
! fort to himself.
"Therc's my wife, now," quoIh he,
"last aslecP-dreamng very likely that
| little Tommy has got the Group, or Lizzy
the measles; she's happy her way, no
doubt, but give me Havana for real
luxury" and taking the cigar from his
mouth, blew cloud very much TO his
satisfaction.
AS he slowly conveyed back to his
mouth the cherished sOOIher, the lighted
end came in contact with some long ends
OF his beard, and in twinklng the whole
was in blaze; or, more properly speak
ing, all explosion took effect, and the
I"uppet" was gone, leaving nothing but
black stubbIe like prarle after fire.
Tom was an astonlshed man; the fash
and shock in the first place had kceled
him over, and in the next, he was not We
ry sure but that his head was of. His
wife Jumped ont Of bed TO aid him, and
having assisted him to stand up, she was
Obliged 10 laugh outright at the cOmical
appearance he made, and in which he
was compelled TO join as soon as he saw
himself IN the looking glass.
Tom, to this day, is sadly perplexed
about the sudden ignition Of his beard and
has determined to cultivate hair no Ion
ger, much 10 the comfort Of his wife.
The druggist and Mrs. Elancks, Of
course, keeps their secrets, but the sly
hits at Tom by the former, respecting The
loss of his beard, sometimes makes him
think the darned pesile and mortar man
knows more about the affair than he does
himself