The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1854-10-04
DOESriCKs ON CRoToN WATER

4
ely aud infamously unjust H. CAAPr,Jn.
DOESriCKs ON CROTON WATER.
New York, July ~
/ Once in my life have been dlunk It was
youth ul iEebriati"n caused by partakins too
freely of cider made from appl-s with worms in
| it At present | am sober. " neither for the
last tour and twenty hours I have been so, is
the point requiring eIucidalion. Ii durnt that
peri"d have bsen intoxca'ed, then the time.
has arrived when any person VINO wishes TO
have regular drunk need only apply TO tn.
nearest bydrant. Heretofore have suppos"d
water to be beverage innocent and harmless !;
but now-well no mattrr-l will not antici
pate. Listen while relate spl,in unvarnished
tale
left my 'arding house in company with
friend. intending 10 witness the Shakaprrian
revivel at Burton's-the Midsummer Nights
Dream Before leaving the hotel, al his sug-
gesfhn, we partpok ofa potable, knuwn,i think
as punch-ckisky punch. l watched at,en.
lively the preparation Of this agreeable beverage,
and am certain that there entered into its
composition certain amount nf water--Croton
water,as have every reason to believe; and
am also cure that in that treachernus draught II
lmbibed the first instalnent nf that vianous H.
quid which produced the dabolicAl sta e Of facts
am about to describe; and also hat the second
aud thrd OF those ingeni. US inven ions (bnth of
winch we drank on the spoD were as guilty, in
this respect, as their illusirious predt cess.rn
And furthermore conscentinusly state that
my glass OF b7andy Zone Of couple we orde r
soon afterwards) aud which, according to my
invariable custom should have been straight
was surrepti,iously diluted with the same de-
lecable fluid by the malicious barkeeper, for
remember experiencing slight confusion on
going out, and mistaking topsail schooner for
the Broadway theatre.
We Immediately entered another saloon to
procure the wherewith TO steady our nerves,
when we partook of two gin cocktails and
brandy smash individually, and | stale, accord
ing 10 the best Of ny knowledge and belize, that
our principal mgr dent in each and every one
Of these compounds was wa,er-.Crotnn water
-culpably introduced therein by some evil dis
posed persons without my knowledge or con-
sent. On leaving this slloon, ] noticed that |
my trend, although single man had by some
mysterious process Of multiplication become
two. kept fast hold Of both, and, after doub-
ling, with great deal Of difficulty, great var.
,ety and number of corners, we reached Bur-
tor - Tickets being mysieriously procure d I'VE
entered, and eventually procured seals. Find
ing, after prolonged trial, that it was improbable
to put my hit in my vest pocket placed it on
the floor and put both feet in it. The theatre
seemed to be some hat mixed up -
l he parqurttr, gallery, and dress circle were all
one, and the stage was whirling round at a rate
which must have been extremely inconv, n ent
to the revolving act,r
At length, after a liberal allowance Of overture
the curtain went up, and | was enabled, by the
most unremiltng attention, to concentrate the
actors sufficiently y to understand the performance
Aud many things which hitherto deemed dra-
incorrect were esented to. my won.
derlng vision then and there. 'Hippolyta was
dressed in knee bieeches and broyans; and
'litana did not, to me, present very fairy
like app, arance in 6feman's red SHIRT and q
three cooked hat. sObern was not SO objec-
honahle, (being genteman in a ,aima and
plaid pan,aloons, tho even he nigh, have black
ed his boots and omitted the spurs. And fear
did not properly appreciate the rest OF the
faries, who had their heads drcora ed with sun
flowers and their hands full Of onions.
A. last the entertainn. n, a ) concluded, and
remember c,nsulting 18th my duplicated
friends as to the feasibility Of return 10 Brook
lyn; 10 our bnardinl house On our Journey
thither we witnessed many strange thing about
which desire Information. In the FIRST place,
is 1t the custom, as general thing, for the city
Hall and Barnun's Museum 10 indulge in an
contra dance up aid down Broadway
in The middle of the night acconpaniel by their
fantastic movements, by the upper story oi
Stewards aud the Bible Socieiy's bu ldirg? 70,
they certainly did, on that even,fu evening aud
| feel called upon to enter my solemn protest
agains, these nocturnal architectural saltatory
exhibitions, as unworthy the dignity ofthc f
pire City. And | would with all humility sug
geh, that if the stony goddess Of Justice, whose
ppr0priate pllce is on the top of the City Hall,
will desert her responsible post, she might |
choose more becoming amusement than sitting
cross legged on the top Of Houston street stage
playing the jrwsharp.
am now convinced that Bowling green
fountain is not pcrmansn'iy located on the top
of Trinity Church cross; but that it was on TINT |
night, my wondering eyes bore am
pie testimony am sufficiently we'll arquain,- !
I'd with the city 10 know that the Astor House
should be found on the CO nor OF Barclay street,
tut am ready. to take my oath that on that
particular occasion it piled as an opposition fer
ry boat between Whitehall street and Hamilton
avenue. The last thing dis inctiy recollect is
trying to pay the iare f,r three o. this novel
craft, with s.ng'e ece Of m"ney (Which !
now know 10 have b: ena Bungtown copper, and
demanding two and six pence change, winch
didn't get. 9a S5ssa .ssi Fs1 i
In the morning found myself in bed with
my overcoat ON, and afterwards discovered nv |
boots under The p.llow-my nat in The CRATE
with my pantaloons and hair brush in tiny
watch in the water jug, and NY latch key in tho
bird cage pr sumo had tried to write a
letter to some one with my tnoih brush, as
found that article in my lnkstand. tp
Nnw, If Croton water intrrieres with nv sus
c-pt Bile system in this unaccountabie n,ann.r.
what shall ink' | would resort to milk bui
tear. our city edition of the lacteal conta ms
sufficient Of b. a9u 'ous enemy to again upSe,
NY loa ds iiaate nerves. I, you only can
come aud exclam, like Cesar, when h. tao
was FIJI e,ed tn superfui'y Of water, sHeIp
u-, Cas1uS, or ! sink = | submit the ca . ,n
y'u. Relieve my anxiety ifwi,hiu ynur pow
er. 'E H-. - sa ans
Hughly yours,
@ K. PHILAYDER DoEsriCKs, B.
P.S.-What would be Ahc feet If brand,
aud water without any water, and little lem
.5G p 5f..t itt1s s.E rsla Il
= q. X p. y.
FROM WASHINGTON. a
Washington, Sept, -
Lord Clarendon despatch abun. the Grey
h, I,a-