Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1854-11-13
Extraordinary Confessions.

i, Deeihuiii, IsG., DIT the
late Agricultural Fair at Stamford We
should have supposed he would prefer to
leave the incidents SO complacently MARIA
ted, to conlecture
1t seems to be most unfortunate cir
cumstance that I should be selected to
speak ON humbugs; as looking on the la
dies, whose profession it peculiarly is, |
ind 1t hard to express myself in their pre-
sence. Everything is humbug; the whole
State is humbug, except our Agricultural
Soclety-that alone is not.
Humbug is generally defined 'deceit or
imposition" A burglar who breaks into
your house, a forger who cheats you out of
your property, or rascal, is not a humbug.
A humbug is an imposter; but in my opin-
ion the true meaning of humbug is man
agemept-tact to take an old truth and put
mt In an attractive form.
But no humbug is great without truth
at the bottom. The woolly horse was
reality; he was really born with woolly
coat. | bought him in Cincinnati for $500,
and sent him on to Connecticut, but for
long time | doubted what should do with
him, and feared he would die on nv hands.
just at this time, 1849, Col. Fremont and
his party were reported to have been lost
among the Rocky Mountains; the public
were greatly excited, but shortly news came
that he was safe. Now came the chance
for the woolly horse.
1t was duly announced that after three
days chase upon the borders of the River
ella, an animal had been captured by the
quarter-master of Col. Fremont's party,
who partook in singular degree of the ma
ture OF the Buffalo, antelope and camel
The story was so far true that | was my
self the quarter-master who captured him,
and | charged quarter for the sight,
The picture outside the exhibition depict
ed the animal as jumping over ledge of
rocks. Now, if the animal had really lea
ped, as shown in the picture, he must have
passed over space of five miles. To have
believed that he could have survived such
leap, would have beeu the grossest hum
bug.
! But Col. Benton, who understands no
humbug but his own, arrested nv scheme,
and prosecuted me for obtaining money by
false pretences, as the horse was not what
int protested to be; but think wrongly, as
the people who saw it were satisfied, and
they got the worth of their money.
Now the scientific humbug should know
the precise time to act, as [ did, or the
world would never have been blessed with
a sight Of the woolly horse.
When the woolly horse arrived from
Connecticut, he was put in stable near
Lovejoy's Hotel. One of the boarders who
came to see him, recognized him as an an
imal he haa -AAnn- of Rridgaport, "Good
heavens" he cried 81 have sevn tho. ani-
NAL before; it is really an extraordinary
humbug." He took up a friend from the
same hotel, and after he had seen the ami
NAL, let him into the secret, and in success
sion, thlrty-seyen persons were carried up,
all OF when took the humbugging in good
humor except the last man.
have not the vanity to call myself
real scientific humbug, but only humber
member of the profession.
My ambition to be the Prince of Hum
bugs will resign, but l hope the public
will take the will for the deed.
Before | went to England with Tom
Thumb, l had skeleton prepared from
various bones. 1t was to have been eigh-
teen feet high; it was to have been buried
year or so in Ohio, and then dug up by
accident, so that the public might learn
that there were giants of cid. The price
l was to pay the person who proposed to
put the skeleton together was 1925.
But finding Tom Thumb more success
full than I thought, I sent word not to pro-
coed with the skeleton. My manager,
who never thought SO highly of my scheme
as it deserved, sold the skeleton for $50 or
S75. Seven yecrs afterwards | received
from the South an account of gigantic
skeleton that had been found Accompa-
nying it were certificates of scientific and
medical men as to the genuineness. The
over asked $4,000, or 81 900 month :;
l wrote him if he brought it on, would
take it, if found it as represented, or wo'd
pay his expenses if not. l found it was
my own original humbug come back to me
again. Of course refused it, and have
never heard from it again.
The TWO OLD FELLows-CAsH AND
CREDIr.-If you would get rich, don't deal
in pass-books. Credit is ''the tempter" in
a new shape. Buy dry-goods on trust,and
you will purchase thousand articles, that
cash would never have dreamed Of a.
dollar in the hand looks larger than 10
dollars seen through the perspective of a
sixty day due bill. Cash is practical, while
Credit takes horribly to taste and romance.
Let Cash buy dinner and you will have
a beef steak fianked with onions. Send
Credit to market and he will return with
eight pair of woodcock and peck of mush-
rooms. Credit believes in double breasted
pins and champaign suppers. Cash is more
easily satisfied. Give him three meals a