Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, 1854-12-21
OPPOSED TO MATRIMONY.

Ts your family opposed 10 natrimonyF"
"Wal, no, | rather guess not, SEEM as how
my mother has had four husbandS, an Stans
pretty smart chance for hayin' another"
"Four husbands 1t is impossible"
"O yes. You see my mothers chrlStened
name was Mehitable Sheets, an dads name
was Jacob Press, and when they got mari
the printers said it was putin the sheets to
press When was born they said it was the
first edition. An you see, mother used to be
the tarnalist critter TO go to evenin' meetin's.
She used TO go out pretty late every night, an
dad was Altered I'd get in the same habit, so
he used 10 put me 10 bed at early candle light
cover me up with pillar, an put me to sleep
with boot jack. Wal, dad had got up every
night an let mother in; if he didn't git down
and open the door pretty darned quick when
she cum, he'd catch particular thunder; so
dad used TO sleep with his head out of the WIN
der, SOS to wake up quick, an one night ne
got his head leetle too fur out, an slipped
out altogether; an Gown dad cum, catiumux
right down on the pavement, an smashed him
in ten thousand pieces "
"Wha: was he killed by the fall 2"
"Wal, no, not exactly killed by the fall. |
rayther, kndersorter guess it was the sudden
felchin' up on the pavement that killed HIM.
But man she cum hum, an found hlm lynn
thar, an she had him swept up together, an
PUT in coffin, an had hole dug in the but
ryin' groun', an had dad put in an buried up,
an had white oak plank put up to his he'd,
an Lad it wlitewaShed all over for tomb
stone."
" So your mother was left poor lone
widow !'
oval, yes, but she didn't mind that much;
wasn't long before she married Sam Hide, you
see she married II de because he was just
dads size, and she wanted him 10 wear out
dads clothes. Wal, the way old Hide used
10 hide me was caution to my hide. Hide
had little the toughest hide OF any hide except
BULBS hide, and the way Hide used TO hide
away liquor in his hide, was a caution even t."
BULBS hide. Wal, one cold day old Hide
got his hide so full of whisky that he pitched
he'd first into snow bank, an there he stuck
and friz to death. So mann had him p lied
out an had him laid out, an then she had
arotber hole dug in the burryin' groun' an
had him buried, an then she had another
white oak plank put up at his head an white
washed all over, an"
$50 your mother was again widow p'
| ~, yes, pul guess ehC "luh y ia! """Ne
long to think about it, 70. in about three
weeks she married Sam Strong, and he was
The strongest headed cuss you ever did see.-
He went a fShn' the other day an got
drowned an he was so tarnal strong headed,
| l'l be darned to darnaton # he didn't float
right agin the current, an they found him
above three miles above the stream, an ttook
three yoke Of cattle to haul him out. Wal,
nam had him buried along side O. 'tother two,
and had white-oak plank putup at hIs head,
an white washed all over nice, so there's
three on 'em all in row."
"And your mother, was widow for third
time p'
eyes, but nam didn't seem to mind il tal
nal sight. The next feller she married was
Jacob Hays, and the way nam did make him
haze is caution, now tell ye. If he does
anything little out Of the way, nam makes
HIM take bucket an white wash brush,
an 20 right up to the burryin' groun' an
white wash the three oak plankS, just to let
him know what he may come to when he's
planted in the same row, and she's got mar
ried 10 the fifth husband. So you see my fam
lily orn't tarnal sight opposed TO dose OF
Imatrmony"