The daily Minnesota pioneer. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1854-1855, 1854-09-18
A Missouri Wedding.

ance. Everything was there, and everything
was in apt readiness.
'The royal tigar was present thar,
And the monkey, and the polar bar.
But that dignitary, to whom it was designed
to assign the honor of master of the marriage
ceremony, had not yet arrived. But just then
some one spoke and said:
There comes Squar Ben Bunkum.'
Quick the lights were trimmed. and every
thing put in place. AS usual, agitation, anxi-
ETY. and Joy were depicted Oh every face. and
Mr. Tom Wisdom, the honorable host, walked
out to meet the anxious "Squar" welcome
him in, inquire for his health, the news, &c.
The Squar was good natured gentleman,
but he was chiefly celebrated for talents, as
tuteness, learning, &C., in his populous town.
ship.
"Well," said the host, "Ben, you have been
elected, but you had close time of it; my
vote alone saved you. You beat him but one
vote only"
"Thats all, Tom," replied Squar Ben, "but
the next election I'll lick him. There is no
use in talking, MIR. Wisdom. without using the
corn freely, and little scandal and lying
that's all the chance"
"Ah, well, that's all over, and you arc the
magistrate, Squar Ben so come and let's go
in and see what the young folks wish. Indeed,
Squar Ben, are you aware that you are expect
cd to say the ceremony"
Benjamin Bunkum now began to see the
awful responsibility of his Office, and to ''trem-
bic from centre to circumference" For he
had never oficiatcd in that interesting capaci-
ty They had not even done him the justice
to inform him of the part he was expected to
perform, or he would have prepared. He had
made no preparatiOn-had no fOrm-nOr could
any book be found, high or low, having the
marriage ceremony. Hence to take it loft
hand" was the only chance. An unfortunate
and excruciating test for the ncwly-elected
Squar.
The company was now arranged in a cres-
cent. The Squar at his place, and in came
the parties principals and Seconds-the gal
lants each bearing a candle, which evinced the
extent and luxuriant range in the neighbOrhOOd.
With much assurance and dignity, the Squar
looked around and whole ages of learning
seemed to be rushing through his mind. He
thought over everything he had dreamed, but
all in vain. There was suppressed litter all
over the house. This adm0nished him he must
say something, and in an agony of desperation
he began
"The State of Missouri, county, 1
command you to-"
This did not suit Confusion and whisper
ing perplexed him more.
"Give him chance, give the Squar chance,
said strong voice from the door. The Squar
made another attempt
"Be it enacted by the General Assembly of
the State of Missouri"
The Squar was again admOnished by the
tittering that he must proceed with some
thing. In the agony of his desperation he be-
gan
"When in the course of human events it be-
comes"
Here he was touched by Mr.. Wisdom. He
be gan again
"Our father who art in Heaven"
"Hes repeating the Lords Prayer" says
one. The Squar raised his hopeless vision to
the ceiling for q short time, and then began
anew
"KnOw all men by these presents"
Here he was interrupted by general noise,
and voice from the crowd. "Hes writing
deed" Again he essayed--
witness my hand and seal, this the"
"He has concluded it-he will certainly go
on with the ceremony now," said several
voices
"In the name of God, amen," he began
again. Laughter from all directions-some
swearing.
HE is making his WILL" said one. a
thought he would not live long-hc looks very
sad"
The next essay of the noble and learned
"Oh, yes come into court and"
"Are we to have court tO-night? CALCULATED
some one.
"Oh, yes! come into court !" replied one at
the door.
1t may be supposed the bride and groom
were somewhat h0rs du combat, especially the
former, but water and suitable aromaticS were
near, and Squar Ben was her friend and near
by-he was an untirinS man, and after casting
his eyes about the room, be determined to try
again.
"ro the constable or any other lawful officer,
greeting"
Let's go, he's going to have us all arrest
ed said several.
Much confusion and displeasure then follow
ed. Here CLEAN of light flashed over the
Squar's bewildered and forlorn countenance.-
He ordered the parties respectively to hold up
their right hands, and in solemn voice he
said
"You and each of you, do solemnly and tru-
ly swear, in the presence of the present compa-
ny, and of the President of the United States
of America, that you will perform faithfully,
as often as you or each Of you may wish, all
and singular, the duties aud functions of hus-
band and wife, as the case may be, to the best
of your skill aud ability, So help you God.
Amen!'
"Good as old Rye! old Kentuck forever "
exclaimed the grateful Tom Wisdom. "Come,
gentlemen" said he, Eve will drink with Squar
Benjamin Buncum"
Agreed" shouted the enthusiastic and
hapny crowd
'Wen dance all night till broad day light,
And 20 home with the gals in the morning
-Neac Madrid (Mo.) Times.
MARRYING AND DYING. - The Knoxville
etenn'l papers contain the following mixture
nn0er their mat hoe