The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1854-05-30

in glass Of ginger pop. took Kesah roun
to the patent double acting water ram, an
was going TO show her where, il YOU turn on
spieot the water will run out, and il you tur
another it wouldn't but in the hustle turne,
the wrong jIggcr: guess il was some Dutch
mans beer barrel, and did not sec my mis-
take till the poor girl was nearly drowned e
| We passed on to tho self adjusting nppl
buttor billcr; and sot down to let the beer dry
but tho fclor at the mashecn let tho thing sill
and before we could jump back, tho wheel
| throw about barrel of tho cusscd sass owe
us. kcsiah said this capped her climax.
know nothing about her climax, but know i
kept me from meeting tho committee OH beans
One of tho most natura curiosities on tn,
ground. was tho calf with two legs. The,
charged dime to look mt tho ono under thu
curtain; but thouget thGo was enough gu
side 10 be seen free.
Another interesting thing was tho subduec
Fizzlc jig. II looked like a jar with a hole il
one end, and tho bottom knocked out of tn,
other. Tho inside was lined with looking
glass. Tho inventor claimed that it was vcr,
useful in persons afflicted with constitutions
mcanncss. The patient after the attack is on
ly required TO look into ono end until the sight
of his own countcnanco makes him puke out
of tho other
Tho Nincompoop Cordial seemed 10 ttracI
good deal of attention. 1t was intended fol
persons afflicted with simples and weakness OF
stiffness on the top of tho head. The agent
had numerous certificates that persons badly
added could pass for sensible at least ten min
utes after each dose. Ono weak brother had
overloaded his stomach. and imagined himself
a new masheon for running the thing into the
ground. II took two to hold him. The Min
compoop Cordial took the premium.
While was scraping off the applc-sass il
was discovered that ono of the premium rolls
of butter had disappeared; and some knowing
individuals ventured tho opinion that it had
boon taken out by the man who had been round
offering to remove grease spots A member
of tho swell head club promptly handed the
follow bright button for his infumashun.
Jeems got down on what looked like a lit.lo
box to cat bite; but it was some new contrap-
ton Of blasted beehive The child had Just
kivered tho opening, and Sary had to slash a
round right lively to knock tho bees. As il is
his coat tails arc stuck together and this child
looks like fright.
The stocks and cattle, and other agricultu-
raj impliments is very lively. One horse said
to be as gentle as n ram, kicked nv new hat
clear across the ring while / was feoing of his
windy gals. And | seed another animal they
called the Shccp-o-ass-sa- -mus-an unnatural
curiosity on four legs. Sometimes it made a
strange noise and at other times il didn't. His
owner said hc had him sixteen, and expected to
have sixteen years longer if he didn't die
lfo was half sheep, half ass and half asleep.
But tho band is playing Hail Columbus and
| am too excited to write any moro. There is
a fcllcr hero making money selling bugs. lie
says they are indispensable in every family,
and serve too keep up healthy cirkolation and
excite tho nervous system sonio men have
got rich just by one of these bugs. Mr.. Bar
mum saws ho is one of them, but do not know
him. He says tho man that invented Rad.
vans Ready Relief, and tho All Healing Apple
Sass, each had one of them. They hum lit
tlo tuno called-The fools are not all ded vet
Every body is buying one. IIo calls them
hum bugs.
But here is the omnibus for the Fenix House,
and | must stop. Yours truly,
PuILANDER GUMP.