Plymouth advertiser. [volume] (Plymouth, Ohio) 1853-1988, 1854-07-01
AS you like SIR

As you ike SIT.
And Mr.. Swallow did 90 mad, but he
had method in his madness, for ne seiz
Ell the cheapest article Of delf that was
on the table IAN old plate with crack IN
IT, and dashed ii into a thousand pieces
on the hearth, as if he was IN trenen
dous passion.
How do you like that, Mrs. Swallow!
Vastly, Mr.. Swallow, try it aguinv
, And again he dId try, flor lie had be-
came desperately and demolished the
cream jug,
Now said the lady, it is my turn;'
and Jumping up she sent The sIop bowl TO
keep company with its tea ompanons.
| This was, OF course too much Tor Solo.
mon; it snapped asunder the last remain,
ing cord Of the lnlle reason he had left,
and he sla, ,,ped lis hel pmo te-we use the
word insits most positive sense-on her
righ, cheek but scarcely had the echo
of the blow melted into silence, ere the
indignant dame seized the tea pot and
shivered it TO atoms agains the head of
the devoted Mr.. Swallow. Nor was this
all, for as he was rolling heels over head
from the effect of the awful collision, she
Piled the remainder Of he Tea traps until
there was scarcely bone in his body
which had not echoed to the shock of cups
and saucers, and rounds OF butter and
toast.
Unable to carry on the war any longer
that day, Solomon gathered himself up
as wei! as he could, and, vowing ven.
gcancc, he stuck his pipe in his mouth,
his hands in his pocket, and then com,
menced wins ling jig 10 the tune the old
cow died of, looking as if he could bite a
piece Off the griddle, without sottn his
teeth on edge. His good lady, too, being
determined to follow the example of her
lord aud master in other matter besides
the def, breaking, placed another chair
back to back with SoIomon's and and af-
ter providing herself wi novel. as il
there was no such things as beds to make
or stockings TO mend, in all Chrislendo m.
Here thIs atlect'onate couple sat for six
mortal hours, each bent upon setting the
other down, ruminatng the while upon
their relative position. But it must con-
fessed lha. Mrs. Swallow had the best Of
the bargain, for independent Solomon's
mangled head, parboiled neck and shoul-
ders, he saw as clear as mud, that the watcl
dial and the crockery must be replaced
so that the reducing of the first chap er in
his voluminous system to practice must be
atlenled with an outlay of at least twenty
dollars. This being the case | mi ght as
we'll be hung for sheep asa lAmo, Thought
he, and with that he softly rose from his
chair, stole softly om the room, and turned
the key upon the gentle Mrs. Swallow.
'Open the door this instant, Mr.. Swal
low.'
Not until ! have kept YOU here sever
days upon bread and water returned the
! victorious Solomon, as he went his wa
/ rejoicing.
!. But alas how fleeing is human great
ness-in about half an hour he returned
10 see how matters were going, but scarce
ly put his eyes to The key hole, when h,
| began roaring like bull, for Mrs. Swal
I low had torn every one Of his linen shirt
, (lhat on his back excepted into pieces t,
, make rope TO let herself down from tn,
window ; nor was this all, for upon flrthe
examination, he discovered that she hat
also thrown a variety of chai. cushions
bed linen, &C., into the dirty yard, t.
, make her descent safe.
e. 0, chop fallen Solomon Swallow
The archives of the SwolIow are siIen
as to the remaining occurrences Of thi
eventful day, but on the very next morn
ing, abou. seven o'clock, Mr.. Swallow
popped his head from under the blanket
and SAID, 'Mrs. Swallow, dear, isn't i
, time to get up?' .......
Yes, returned the lady, 'and you may
call me when you have lit the fro, and pu
on the kettle ....-
Poor Solomon There was no al,erna
tive. So he sat about his work with al
alacrity which showed that he had tn.
terror of broken head and demolished
body linen running strongly in his hi
memory. In short, Solomon was con
quered man. That he had to prepare
breakfast, sweep the room, etc. Th.
next, his assistance was required in tn
rubbing of furniture, and the making o
beds; and, before the end of the week
was initiated into The mystery Of washing
towels. .s...... 81.
Degenerate Solomon Swallow! Nay
in alter times when the Swallows begar
TO gather about him, it is whispered tha
his better half used to employ him at ye
more deeply conjugal offices.
About five years after the celebration
of bis nupials, friend called 10 see him
you must 60 with me to the theatre,
Mr.. Swallow said friend
HE shnn't.' said Mrs. Swallow.
He must said the friend, .'and 50 mus
you t.e 1...-.
| 4 may, but he can > replied the dame
for he must stop at home with the chill
dren.'
| And Mrs. Swallow did 60 to play, anc
Solomon stopped at home. j,
j o, hen.pecked Solomon Swallow?