Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-03-15


Comes Of our getting irg.
But heres the difference 'twiAt leaves and me--
falls mere harder" and more frequent-lce
fGys- Brudder Bones, can you tell me d
difference twenc dicing aud dietingF
Why, OBJ eorse | can, Lemuel. Whei
you diet, you lib on noifin, and when you di
you bab noi1in TO lib on
We'll, OATS different to whot tort it wos
tort it was race atwene de docterin stuff
and starvasbun to see which I'd kill fust
Ey~ Somebody writing to The West Cbes.
ter Examiner, relates tho following sell Of a
wag, who for the amusement of crowd was
holding scriptural confab with a eolorcd
divine
why. Charley, you can't even tell who
made the monkey
oh, yes | can, massey
well, who made the monkoyp
Why massa, the same one made the mon
key thai made you
nG5~A lady friend of ours was, few eve
nings ago entertaining our little Qua with
some fancy tale bright, jolly boy of about
four years old, when ho suddenly broke forth
with
PA, was born them
No my dear
We'll wish God had made me quicker SO
| might have been thoro,'
nsGy~Somo i'll naturcd critic says that it
has recently been discovered that it is necos-
sary for ladies, who wear wafer solod shoes,
TO have from ten to fifty dollars worth offurs
around the neck and wrists, in order to main
tain uniform beat of The system,
Hssy'- There is man living in Livingston,
N. Y by the name Of Atbcrton, who in Jan
uary last, thrashcd four hundred bushels Of
wheat three constablcs and seven deputy
shcriffs Where's the medal
sGg@An editor Of newspaper out towards
Lake Cbamplain has discovered way Of
Keeping eggs from spelling. His method is
to cat them while they are fresh.
rfsy~Winshell tolls good story Of q boy
on railroad who initiated tho whistle Of q
locomotive 50 clearly that the engineer had
to get down and saeitch him off the track
Bs5~Tho Boston Post says; sThe unfor-
tunate youth, who was transfxod with aston
ishmcnt, was relieved at last by a blacksmith,
with the aid Of pair Of pinccrs'
gES~Mrs. John Smith says: i had no
ldee how smart We women were, nor how de-
linquently we could speak, till | heard my
dear sisters on the public nostrum ct Trollo-
pan Hall. last week!
Say@'When will these cars leave p inouir
cd an anxious individual of Smith.
presume replied the wag, 'as soon as
the last scat is taken, as that will be quito
spro to mako the cargo
REQ, my friend said doctor to an
Irish patient, DC composed; we must all die
once
'Ao it's that what vexes me- REPLIED Pat.
If could die a half dozen times. Id not
care ha' penny about this time
Bay-'You see how bald am, and don't
wear wig True sir, replied the servant
but an empty barr requires no thatch'
IST-SoLDIrR poor fellow who has cs.
capped the aims house to be mustered, pen.
pered. and shot at FOR six dollars month.
D67-ln late Abolition speech in N. York
Miss Lucy Stone said:
But know so well there is cotton in thu
cars Of men, let us look for hope in the bos.
oms of women
Won't you find cotton there too, Mis-,
Lucyf
Rsy~Thc Man who is acquainted will
SORROW thinks Of getting up a new list o
friends Clouds don't 90 like sunshine.
BslS"The Audience that was kept in breat IN
less attention, must have been very nearl
suifocated
ssaS@A tailor, who in skating fell through
tho Ice, declared that ho would never agail
leave hot goose for cold duck.
DS1T-Thc Fellow who kissed The face Of M
ture, says it didn't go half as well as th
buses of bis lady friends.
DS55~ Question---ls hanging upon sneak
ers Ups suicidal act 2 Answer to be for
warded in silver ladies'
100 The Lady whose heart 'swclled wit
indignation, had it reduced Sy the applca
ton of pouIticcs.
bsas~ The man who was in brown stnd
has improved bis situation by a coat Of white
wash upon The dingy walls
Regain uptown temperance society
violently discussing whether its members ca
consistently 60 on railroad train.
Esg@Some one says that reading make
the full man. SO does beef, pudding
brown stout. and tho other interesting vara
tons.
pa Mr. Jerusalem thinks that a cord {
wood on the fire about these times is mue
moro comfortable than cord about The peel
RGy"That is my impression, as The typ
aaid when be kissed the young lady. "
Bl-It is said that the pillars oflibert
arc stuffed with tho feathers Of the America
eagle