The Belmont chronicle, and farmers, mechanics and manufacturers advocate. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1848-1855, 1854-09-22

GTAn old bachelor geologist was boasting
that every rock was as familiar to him as the
alphabet A lady, who was present, declared
tha: she knew of a rock Of which he was
wholly ignorant.
"Nome it, madam" cried CGlebs in rage
slt is rock the cadle, sir" replied the lady.
CUlebs vanished.
Weak doses of wash.board are now recon.
mended by physicians for ladies' who COM
lain of dyspepsia. Young men troubled in
the same way may be cured by strong pre-
paration Of wood-saw
6TSince the Ward trial, pistols, and bowie
knives, at Louisville, are called Kentucky
Statutes.
VTA Divine once praying sail: 20 Lord,
give US neither poverty nor rches;' and paus.
ing sOennly he added, especially poverty.
@A little girl meeting coun,ryman
with load of slaughtered swine; dropped
courtesyi the rustic laughed; without return.
ing the civilty. What said he, do Won
courtesy 10 dead hogs! NO SIR replied the
little miss,'l courtesied to the livc one!' The
hog-man slopsd with pigs foot in his chops.
0TThe San Francisco Sun is responsible
for the following: awe met a grammnrian.
who had just made an unsuccessful tour thro'
tho mines, conjugating, or rather cogitatng,
thus: "Positve mine, comparative miner,Isu.
perlative minus!"
'Breathes there n man with soul so dead--
who never to himself has said--I will nv dis
Nict paper take both Cor my own and family's
sake! Ii such there be let him repent and
have the paper to hin, sent--and il he'd pass
q happy winter-he in advance should nav
the printer"
OTDr March says the best cure for bys
'terics is to discharge the servant girl. In
his opinion there is nothing like "aying
around" to keep the nervous system from
becoming unstrung. Some women think
they want physician when they only need
scrubbing brush.
COOP REAsos.--"What do you drive
such ptiial looking carcass as that for,-
why don't you put heavy coat of fesh ON
him1"
"a heavy coat OF flesh' BY the power. the
poor crater can hardly carry what little there
- on him."
G5-Ths Boston Chronicle can take tho
broom on weather paragraphs. Hear it rave:
"rhe weather for tho last few days has
been positively hot. com paratively hot, super.
iatively hot, day and nighl--hot hotter. hot.
tesf' most hottest--fiottentot, Hottentotter,
'Hottentottest. Hottentottisimus plus one,
observation-disclosures plus one hundred-hot as
an 'oven-hot as two ovens--hot as-.
we give II up"
SSuyy "DIrriso. ."--Of all the detestable.
obnoxious, offensive, unnecessary and G,hv
limitations which dear woman is guilty of in.
heriting from fallen, dspraved, corrupt aud
wicked man, that Of snuff clipping" stands
pre-eminent. How the second edition of an
anger, me no Plus ultra Of Heavens best
workmanship, the idol of man, the diamond
OF song, the gem of prose and the crownipg
glory OF humanity, can concentrate tea or
tablespoonful Of u pulverized portion that
would kill hog, and prove certain death 10
every living creature except'a tobacco worm,
10 10 us totally at variance with all pbiloso.
phy' reason, scripture, taste and refinement.
ana ntiefiy ineomprehensible. We wish il
were dream; we wish ii were n romance.
we wish It were not so; but sad reality pre.
ssnts the picture of an angel o: beauty, with
Eazelle, standing erect in oil her majesty,
dazzling In her robes Of silk and diamonds
her form reflected In a costly mirror, with
chinquepin stick nicely scraped between
her white hngerS with the end in box of
snuh, and regularly applying it to her shining,
rosy ups and mellow tongue.-Fauph, II
makes us sick to think aboutil!