Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1854-07-20
VARIETY.

.;nss !. ssF,;snd III ~ tbs nm
Of Comfort, paid bis devoirs to young and
attractive Quaker widow named Rachel H
Either her grief were too new, or her lover
eco old, or from some other cause, bis offer
was declined Whereupona Quaker friend
remarked that was the first modern instance
he had known where aRaehel refused to be
confortedn The aneedote il remarkable as
being the first Quaker pun on record
MA French writer says that il any one
4 knew the one. half that was said and thought
about him, be would be ashamed to walk
the streets in open day Flatter ourselves
e We may, the best Of US do not escaped be-
Ing pecked at, no, not even by many Of those
wkomowo call our best friends. Our own,
like other people s friends are apt to be sim
FLAIR to some Of the Hindso idols-double
faced.
NJ Be tdy-aNow, my son, be tidy !;
fold mp your nightgown; i must be done
kind mother to her little boy. Years
have passed since that time, and that little
boy has grown up 70 be a man. A friend
said to him one days How is it that you
can get through so much work as you do7p
sBy method, method am now reaping
the fruit Of my mothers lesson-Be Iily,n
was his reply.
no A gentleman having frequently re-
proved his servant, an Irish girl, for boiling
eggs TOO hard, requested her in future to boil
them only three minutes by the clock
sssSnfe, sir replied the girl, @how shall do
that, fer your honor knsws the clock is oil.
ways quarter of an hour too fast"
no A young Miss accepted the offer of
young man to gallant her home, and after
wards fearing that jokes might be cracked at
her expense should the fact become known,
dismissed him about half way home, enjoin-
ing secrecy 1Don't be fraid," said he
s'of my saying anything about it, for feel as
much ashamed Of it, as you do"
Er.Here's your money dolt Now, you
miserable noodle, tell me why your scoun-
drelly master wrote me eighteen letters a.
bout this little contem ptible sum ~ said the
oxasperated debtor. II am sure, sir L can't
tell, sir. But if you viii excuse me, sir,
think it was bekase seventeen letters didn't
bring the money
m Among our fofefathers, It was max
i'm shat young woman should never marry
until she had spaa enough linen to furnish
her house; and from this custom all unmar-
riea women were called spiasters, an appella-
tion they still retain in all law proceedings,
Es-.Are you going, this evening, Mr.
Thompkinsi
yes, my dear, to siag party at Mr. Crum
mers
Stag Party hum phi guess you mean
. stagger party, you brute This was a
staggerer, aud poor Temkins stumped in his
boets.
| no We have great deal Of faith in the
tough newspaper stories, especially if they
are "fish stories, but we cannot swallow the
foilowing-aA canal boat, loaded in part
with 100 bushels ofpeas, was sunk in the
Hudson, opposite Albany. The swelling Of
1 Che peas burst open the side Of the boatl"
M How light and ethereal love makes
people Till the knst is tied, they feel 50
spiritual that porch of cobwebs, supported
BY pillars Of smoke, are quite as substantial
an edifice as they will ever stand in need Of.
H%Captain, what's the fair to ST Louis
Gwhat part Of the boat do you wish TO 80
cabin or deckln aHang your cabin, said
The gentleman from Indiana, y live in q
cabin al home give ME the best you've got-'
NJ All a man has to do in these days to
PASS for 4 genius is TO button his coat behind
Z and wear his hat wrong side out. If u ban
contrive to tumble over an apple sand,a Two
or three times It will help the matter vastly,
NJ A fellow named Parker was last week
caught in the act Of running of with his
neiehbor's wife and horse, near Natchitoches,
Louisiana The jury, mostly old bachelors,
dismissed che woman, but held him on %
the horse.
~ Six feet IN his hootsln exclaimed Mrs.
Partington, sWhst viii the importance Of
tbis world como to, FondsEl n. Why, they
might iust a. treasouablSF that the
man had six lleads. in his h1rT s
~ An exchange paper asks very inno-
Gently IL Il l. any Aarm for young ladies to
III ii the lapse &c agea Another replies
that Il All depends Of the kind on sges selee-
Z ted. Those from eighteen 70 twenty five it
puts down ~ extra hazardous.
M All the pomp, al The glitter, al The
distinctions Of life appear despicable as the
playthipgs Of q child, Fhsnt amid the sub
1imitiss Of nsture, We commune with God
end bis works
NJ Is there any harm in mans sitting
down In the laps Of age - Erckaage D ,psrs
No, put the @lapsa usually chosen are
those ranging FROM The sagesn Of eighteen
70 tEsntJ-ivo.
R-Braady applications are recommend
ed By 4 western paper for badness, contin-
ned externally until the hsir IS we'll started ::
and stewards taken in generous quantities
internally 10 olinch tho Fcoisl
NJ the man who tried 10 sweeien bis .e.
with ons Of bis Wife's smiles, has fallen back
On sugar. Nothing like irstprineiples At.
l1sT all
- a servant maid Ebo was occupied in
picking her mistress cnbbsees, took the
opportunity q eabbasing her MISTRESS
pickles, s,Y;p6 !. nsds 10 diHsfs1cs.
70 The 1;1srsnee between Al old woman
end young enc. is s.id 70 b that one Is
happy and careless, and tts other u ckppy
And hairless -s
u. Tho following question ut9 decided
!. vel aro last October (which Is ne Old
H.. We MIIr.. I.n n~rw~n I'll.