Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1845-1854, 1854-05-31
|, ,'rIs nv SAMUEL n. HARRIS, .1r. .
MISCELLANY
Ben Jonsing,s Description Of a Waltz

.
~ When we got into the place we found great
large room, as big as meetin' house, lighted up
with smashin' big lamps, covered all over with
glass hangin's. The ladies--as nice as little an
gels, their faces as white as if they'd dipped them
into a -four barrel; such red cheeks haint seen
In all Sleepy Hollow; their arms all covered with
gold bands, chains and shiny beads; such lips
you never did see; they looked "come kiss Inc all
OYER" their eyes look like diamonds; their waists
drawn to the size, Of Pipe-stem; and looked like
they were upder-goin' regular cuttin'-in-two op-
Grafton by, yin' a string tight round 'em; and
their bosoms-O, Lordy! all covered up in lin
ems and mpslins; they rose, then fell, then rose
again, like-O, | don't know what it, like, ex-
ceptin' the breathin' of snowy white goose,
chucked in tight bag, with its breast just out!
os. After the gals and youngsters had walked
round, round and round for considerable spell
the music struck up, and sch music! 1t was a
big horn and little horn, big flute and little
flute, u big, fddle and a little fiddle, and such
squeaking', squallin', belowin', groanin', nev-
er heard before; it was like all the rats, pigs and
frogs in Christendom had concluded to sing to-
gether. They called it German poker; spose
it was made by some of them Cincinnati Germans,
IN imitation Of the squealin' at pork packery,
and guess it was a pretty good imitation
So soon as the music struck up, sich sight!
The fellers jst catched the gals right round the
waist with one hand, and pulled 'em smack up in
kssn' order, with the gals bosoms agin their bo-
SONS, and the gals chins restin' on the fellers
shoulders. At this the gals begun to jump and
rcaper too-ust like the gals, aaag s9. e -s
saI swan, upon a stack of Bibles, you never seed
.sich a sight! There was some two dozen gals
held tight in the arms of them fellers-they a
rarein' an, jumpin' and pushn' 'em backwards
over the room Gas / thought tryin' to get away
from 'em) and the felers loldin' to 'em tighter
and tighter; the more the gals jumped and caper-
ed the more the fellers jumped and capered, and
the tighter they squeezed the gas,ti at last be-
gun to think the thing carried too fur for fun
Twas aiittle green in these matters, and seein
the gals tryin' harder and harder to git away, as
] thought, and the fellers hodin' tighter and
tighter, it was very natural should take the part
of the gals. So my dander kept raisin' higher
and higher, till thought my ber would bust un
less I let out steam. bounced smack into the
sg'sThunder and hghtnng everybody come
here with shot-guns, six-shooters and butcher
kniyes!" bawed I, at the top Of my voice, 'lo
III be shot il any dod-blasted, long-bearded mon
key-faced feller shall impose on gals thut ar way
WhereI amp, and was just goin' to pitch iHto zen
protiscuonsly, when my merchant caught me b,
the arm and said ''stop, Ben" "rll be cussed,'
says /, "if I'll see the wimmen folks imposed on
Look what the felers are doin, and how bard thu
gals are rarein' and pitchin' to get away from EN-
Dye s'pose j eau standas still as aimile post an
see gals suffer so! Look, there's gal almos
broken down, and ready to give up to that rang
otang of -feler!s Yonder is IL another, so fain
her headihas fallen OH the bosom ofthe monster
Itell you, Il was ashy; / felt like Icould jump in
to o'emlke catamount into u pig-pen. ana
4iWhen / looked into my merchants face,
thought he would have busted. He laft and la
and squatted down and lalt "Why," says he
.'f3cn, that Is nothing but the red war waltz the
are dancin', and them gals amt tryin' to git ava
from them fellers--they're only caperin' to max
the fellers hold 'em tighter they kase they lik
It. THE more the gals csper the tighter the
wish to be squeezed, AS to layin' their heads
fellers bosoms, that's common in this city. The
expect to be married some OF these days, and the
want to be 'customed to it, So they wont be
blishir' and turnin' pale when the. parson tel
the groom TO salute the bride. There's nothi
like sbein' used to such things" <.asy a-t
"You may take my hat," says to my me
chant; u was tuck in that time, tell you,thou!
it's the first. time / ever seed the like before.
have seed the Indian hug, and the Congo dane
but I tell you, this red war waltz knocks the h
crown out ofeverythipg ! ever seed. H.. ~
veArterI had got out of the way, and everythi
had commenced gon' OIL ogin, the music 6
faster--O, It was as fast and furious as a no
wester! The gals rared again. the fellers hu
ged tighter, and the music-makers puffed aou
Llowin'. Then the gals and feers spun arou
like. so many tops run mad. The felleFs lean
back and the gals LEANED to 'em, the gals a
fne ffocks sailed out and poppedin the air Ii
shsets ON a cloze line OF d windy day, and
feilers coat tails stood out SO straight that an
would notEhsSe1f 1foliedeff their faceswere as
cd and serious as sarmeht.1 Around they WI
@-it makes me dizzv TO think Of fit--pop went
Coat tails, crash went the music, and pitty-p
ump.dumble-de- -thumP went the feet of ell. ]
and-by, as beautiful craft as ever you seed
the eshare ofa woman, lyin' close oRa heaa-P
leokin' feller,came eain' at the rate, of'fift'
knots, an hour down'oarway, while "a fat dun
woman, and d hump -shoulderd, beef eatin' sor
asfelles at the same speed went up the othei
seed there wastobe some bumpins 4 and natur'
..a,hlad far the eslns nsenIances sa Sure enough.