The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1854-11-10
FASHIONABLE CHURCH IN GOTHAM.

| FASHIONABLE CHURCH in GOTHAM.
Philander Doestieks thus takes off one of
the upper ten Churches in New York-or
rather some of the Church-goers:
Everything looked so grandly gingerbready
that he STATED about going In. Little boy
in the corner (bare footed, with a letter in the
post office,) told us to ego in," and called us
Lemons" Did not perceive the force of his
pomologcal remark, but "oent in" neverthe-
less. Man in white cravat showed us n
pew: floor covered with a carpet, and seats
covered with damask, with little stools to
kneel down upon.
Pretty soon music-organ sometimes--grand
and solemn, but generally fast and lively
enough for a contra dance. (B. ID. said the
PLAYER got big salary to show off the organ,
and draw big house.) He commenced to play
Old Hundred, (Damphool suggests Ancient
Century, AT first, majestic as it should be, but
soon his left hand began to get unruly among
the bass notes, then the right cut up few mon
key shines in the treble; left threw in large
assortment of quayers; right led off with a
grand flourish and few dozen variations;
left struggled manfully to keep up, but soon
gave out, dead beat and after that went back
10 first principles, and hammered away relig-
iously at Old Hundred in spite of the antics
of its fellow; right struck upa march, march
ed into quick step, quckened into gallop;
left still kept at Old Hundred, right put in all
sorts of fantastic extras, to entice the left
from its sense of propriety, left still unmoved;
right put in n few bars of popular waltz, left
wavers little; right strikes upa favorite pol.
ka; left evidently yielding right dashes into
jig; left now fairly deserts its colors and goes
over to the enemy, and both commenced an
animated hornpipe, leaving poor Old Hundred
to take care of itself. At length, with
crash, a squeak, a rush, a roar, rumble and
IN expiring groan, the overture concluded and
service began.
Kept rs cool as ] could, bnt could not help
looking round now and then to see the show.
Elderly lady on my right very devout, gilt
edged PRAYER book, gold covered fan, feathers
in her bonnet, rings on her fingers, and, for
all know, "bels on her toes" Antiquated
gentleman in same slip, well preserved but
somewhat wrinklcd, smells of Wall street,
gold spectacles gold headed cane, put three
cents in the plate. Fashionable little girl
on the left-two flounces on her pataettes,
and diamond ring over her glove.
Young America looking boy, four years
old, patent leather boots, standing collar,
gloves, cane, and cigar case in his pocket
Foppish young man with adolescent nous
tache, pumps, legs la spermacetti candles,
shirt front embroidered Il Ia 2.4O race horse,
cravat a la Julien, vest a Ia pumpkin pie, hair
Il la soft soap, coat tails la bootjack, which
when parted discovered view of the Crystal
Palace by gas light on the rear of his panta
looms, wristbands a la stove pipe hat Ia wild
lrishman, cane to correspond: total effect al
Shanghai
Artificial young lady, extreme of fashion;
can't properly describe her, but here goes
Whalebone, cotton, paint and whitewash;
slippers la ElIsler, feet la japanese, dress
Il la Paris, shawl a Ia eleven hundred dollars,
parasol la mushroom, m,ringlets Il Ia corkscrew,
(B Dogge says the boy without buttons on
him brought it in tea spoon fifteen minutes
after she entered the house,) neck la scrag
of mutton, bosom a Ia bare bones, complexion
la mother of pearl, (Damphool says she
bought it at Phaon'sD appearance generally
humbug. (Bull Dogge offers to bet his hat
she don't know a cabbage from new cheese,
and can't tell whether surlon steak is beef,
chicken, flesh, or fish,
AT length, with another variette upon the
organ, the service concluded. thought from
the manner of this last performance, each
member of the choir imagined the songs of
praise would never get to heaven if he didn't
give them u personal boost, in the shape Of
an extra yell.
Left the Church with n confused idea that
the only way to attain eternal bliss is to go
to Church every Sunday, and to give literally
to the foreign missionary cause.
Bull Dogge tried to convince me that
one half the people present thought that
Fifth avenue runs straight into Heaven, and
that their through tickets are insured, their
front seats reserved, and that when they
are obliged to leave this world they will find
coach and four and two servants in livery
ready to take them right through to the other
side of JOurdan.
Yours, reverentally,
@. r. PHnANDER DoEsTIcKs, p. B.