Minnesota weekly times. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1854-1859, 1854-09-05

DEAR EDIToR:-I have been to Niagara, you
acknowledgement Falls-big rocks, water, foam.
Table Rock, Indian curiosties, squaws, mocca-
sins, stuffed snakes, rapids, Involves, Clifton
House, Suspension Bridge, place where the water
runs swift, the ladies faint, scream and get the
paint washed off their faces where the arstO-
cratic Indian ladies sit the dirt and make little
bags; where all the inhabitants swnde stran-
gers; where the cars go in hurry, the waters
are impudent, and all the small boys swear.
When | came in sight of the Suspension Bridge,
| was wildly impressed with the idea it was some
bridge, in fact considerable curiosity, and, con-
siderable bridge. Took glass of beer, and
walked under the Falls-another glass of beer,
and walked under the Falls wanted another
glass of beer, couldn't get it it ); walked away
from the Falls: wet through, mad, triumphant,
Notwithstanding, humbug, sir, all humbug
except the badness of everything, which is a
moist certainty, and the cupidty of everybody,
niggers everywhere, which is a Satanic truth.
Another glass of beer, twas forthcoming, i'm
mediately, also-another, all Of which | drank
Ithen proceeded to drink glass of beer-went
over to the States, where | procured glass of
beer-wcnt up stairs, for which paid skip nse,
over to Goat Island, for which disbursed TWEEN
ty-ive cents hired a guide to whom paid a
dollar sneezed four times, at nine cents sneeze;
went up the tower for quarter of dollar, and
looked at the Falls; didn't feel sublime any
tried to but couldn't; took some beer and tried
again, but failed drank glass of beer, and be-
gan to feel better: thought the waters were sent
for, and were on a journey to the devil thought
the place below was one sea of beer-was going
to jump down and get some; guide held me,
sent him over to the hotel to get glass of beer
while tried to write some poetry-result as fol-
lows:
. thou (spray in one eye) awful (small lobster
in right shOe) sublime (both feet wet) master
piece of Gimmny, what a lie y the Almighty /;
Terrible and majestic art thou in thy tremendous
might-awfu (orGer) to behold, cramp in nv
right shoulder,) gigantic, huge and nice.
Man came back with the beer drank it to the
last drop, and wished there had been gallon
more. Walked out on rock to the edge, women
on shore very much frightened told them not
to get excited if fell over, as would step right
up again ; it would not be much of fall anyhow;
got glass of beer of man, another of a woman,
another of two small boys with a pail; fifteen
minutes elapsed when purchased some more of
an Indian woman, and imbibed it through straw;
it wasn't good-and had to get another glass of
beer to take the taste out of my mouth legs be-
gan to tangle up, effect of spray in my eyes-got
hungry and wanted something to eat-went into an
eating house, called for plate of beans when
the plate brought the waiter in his hand, took
1t, hung up my beef and beans on nail, eat my
hat, paid dollar to Niger, and sided out on a
step walk bought boy OF glass OF dog with
a small beer and neck on his tail, with a COL
lar with spot on the end; got some water in a
tin cup, drank the cup and placed the soda on the
counter, and paid for the money full of pocket
very bad head ache; rubbed it against lamp
post, station house came along and said if didn't
30 straight he'd take me to the watchman-tried
to obhge station house, very civil station house,
very-met baby with an Irish women and a
wheelbarrow in it, couldn't get out of the way,
she wouldn't walk on the side walk, but insisted
on going on both sides the street at once tried
to walk between her; consequence collision, aw-
ful-knocked out the wheelbarrow's nose, broke
the Irish woman all to pieces, baby loose, court
house handy, took me to the constable, jury sat on
me, and the Jail said the magistrate must take me
to the constable; objected; tho dungeon put me
in the darkest constable in the city got out, and
here | am prepared to stick to my original opin-
ion-Niagara unus humbug! non, excelsus, non
indignus admirelooni.
Yours unquestionably,
p Drrrv. H. n q