The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1854-10-04

near | came losing my election as SENATOR SAT-
the squire.
mol believe not"
'Well, it was altogether owing to waterem''
nc thaving sufficient supplyo of liquor on hand
You see the main strength of our party lies II
the upper end of the county-'specially among
the inhabitants Of the swamp, as it is called
So you see, about two days before the election
Isends Sam up among the swampers, with tive
gallons of the real NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. slut
knock a horse down-the last Waterem hao
on hand. About four hours, back come Sam;
horse in perspiration, himself in a fright, ant
everything indicating an untoWard state OF al
fairs.
whats the matter Sam said |.
Matter enough. You have outraged the
feelings of the %virtuous swampers, they swear
that any man who expects to go to the senate
for three years, and can't afford tengallons OF
liquor, is too mean forth post-they wont vote
for him.
''Matters looked squally enough. Only one
store keeper within a day's ride, and he a whlg.
Of course he wouldn't sell any liquor to me so
near the election"
"What did you do?'
.Called a council of war immediately-law-
yer Ross and several more. Lawyer Ross
proposed a letter of apology to the disaffected.
Reiected-wouldn't do without the whiskey.
Gale Alright was the fellow to help us out, al
ways full, of expedients. He proposed to
water the liquor up to the right quantity. We
did so-but on trying it found it much too weak
for our friends. Such stuff wouldn't so down
with them. Gale asked if we had any other
spirits-handed him about a gallon of gin-in
it went-tasted it, not strong enough. Found
about a quart of rum, poured itin. Sam tried
it-too weak. We were at our wits end. ''Red
pepper" said Gale. 1t was brought and in
went a pound. He stirred it up, "capital,"
said he, as he tasted it. We tried it and nearly
blistered our throats-it would have killed rats.
Sam took it up the next day, explaining that
it was all owing to the scarcity of liquor in the
neighborhood, that a fresh supply of the best
Monongahela had been obtained, an1 invited a
trial of its merits. They were mollifed-pro-
nounced it the "rale stuff" and became SEN
ator by a majority of goo votes.
"Ma, has your tongue got legs?" "Got
what child?" "Got legs, ma" Certainly
not-but why do you ask that silly question:"
'Ob, n~othing-only heard my pa say your
tongue was running from morning till night"
Tommy, my dear son, whatare you doing
there with your feet dangling in the water?'
Trying to catch cold, ma, 50 that I can have
some Of those cough lozenges you gave me
yesterday"
"Out west" and in California, newspaper
publishers have added a new feature to their
records; for, besides "marriages and deaths"
"divorces'' are made regular mention of.
-o,,. 1,l- +o1,,. a., -o1J rop41.p,o, t1at
she was in love with his estate--"Take it
madam" says he, land then you'll possess
two-thirds of me-for my mind you have al
ready-and my whole being consists of but
mind, person, and estate" "Oh, them" re-
joined the juvenile fair, 'it would be very un-
reasonable, sir, to rob you of all three. Pray
keep your person yourself"
Perhaps the best retort upon a lie is to out
wit it, as Galba died, when a ~courtier told him
that he had bought eels in Sicily five feet long,
THAT" replied the emperor, sis no wonder,
for there they are so long that the fishermen use
them for ropes"
When a violin was first introduced into the
choir of a certain church, the innovation gave
great offence to some of the worthy parishion-
ers. Especially was the playero of the bass viol
excited with sorrow and indignation, when
the frivolous and p~rofane fiddle first took its
place in the house of God, by the side of his
sedate and partly instrument. He accordingly
laid the case before the parson, who after listen
ing soberly to. his complaint, replied: at may
be as YOU say, sir; l don't know but you are
right, but if you are, it strikes me the greater
the fiddle, the greater the sin!''
Somebody's foreign correspondent says that
a bass riol has been constructed at Vienna, thir-
teen feet high, provided with pedals to act upon
the finger board. This, however, is nothing to
the great violin in Germany, which was SO large
that it required two horses to draw the bow, and
one stroke produced a sound that vibrated six
weeks.
pleading at the bar" says a western editor,
sis trying to persuade a bar-keepert to trust you
for a three-cent nipper.'
Under the head Of "a card" the following
appears in a recent number Of the Detroit Daily
Advertiser: "Mr. Simpson returns his thanks
TO those gentlemen who so kindly volunteered
their services at his daughters funeral. He
has now resumed his business, and solicits a
share of public patronage This cannot ex-
actly be called uniting business with plea
sure
A new play has just been brought out in
Brooklyn. 1t is called 1.-The Haunted Dog
Cart, or, The mysteries of Bow Wow" 1t is
written BY the gentleman who proposed to cur
tail Hamlet.
To see a wasp-waisted young lady in ringlets
and an abundance of ~founees, gracefully sail to
the head Of the table with a voice as angelic
as a tenor flute, and call TO the waiter for a
plate of cold pork and beans, is the most trying
thing romance can encounter.
An Irish bricklayer vas one day brought to
the Edinburg i~nfirmary, severely injured BY a
fall from q lionse-top. The medical man ia at
tendance asked the sufferer at what time theac-
cident occurred. 1.-TWO o'clock yer honor,
was the reply. On being asked Low III came
70 tx tie hour 50 accurately, lie answered.
Because I saw the people It dinner, through