Washington telegraph., 1854-02-01
Little Lecture Addressed to NV
Bears.
Dy AN OLD MAID OF THE WORLD.

by AN OLD MAID OF THE WORLD.
oMy dcars, Love is like Chancery, it is
deal easier to get into it than to get out
again. There are thousands of ways for
t6e former, but as for the latter it can't be
done nowadays
Take my advice, my dears-never be-
leyc man before marriage, and never trust
him afterwards.
IF men, my dears, were to pay like SER
wants, for everything they broke, they
wouldn't be so fond of breaking the hearts
for every pretty girl they saw The for
tune of Rothschild couldn't stand, my
dears, against such ruinous amount of
breakages. Why l have known mans
heart break as often as an American bank,
and yet he would open the next day with
the same brass plate on his face, on which you
could plainly read assurance, and his heart
would 90 on issuing the same false notes as
before Besides, what becomes of all their
broken hearts, should like to know
Where do they all go to? Along with
the old moons, [ suppose or they may be
keeping company, there's no knowing where,
with all the pins that are lost, each heat
being stuck through with pin, like the
curious insects in a museum.
There's no need to tell you, [ am sure,
nv dears, about choosing husband A
woman's instinct generally guides her in
those little matters. But this I will tell
YOU, that husbands differ as much as geese );
but the softest mind is not always the worst
The softer your husband, the more pliable
YOU viii find him, and all the easier for YOU
to twist him around your little finger. If
husbands trusted more to their wives and
less to themselves, there would be more hap
DIV marriages but until they learn what is
due to our sex and are fully prepared to pay
it, that happy balance will never exist in
household which, to the husband, should be
the source of as much care as a large bal
ance is at his bankers; but at present the
wife is not allowed to have any share or in
terest in the one, or to participate in the
other
Il will conclude, my dears, with giving
you few rules with regard to the choice of
husbands in general. and though, my dears
| have never ventured on the stormy seas of
matrimony, (here the fair lecturers voice
slightly trembled with emotion) still. have
watched from the haven Of single blessedness
mary of the squalls and breezes that have
taken place on them, and have derived no
small knowledge from the numerous ship
wrecks have witnessed in consequence of
them and this knowledge | am only too
willing to impart to all those who are anx-
ious to embark for the United States.
I shall confne my observations, my dears
to the small circle Of my experience Of men,
such as I have studied them round the tea
table,
IF man wipes his feet on the door mat
before coming into the room, you may be
sure he will make good domestic husband.
IF man, in snufing the candles, snufs
them out, you may be sure he will make a
stupid husband
IF man puts his handkerchief on his
knees whilst taking his tea. you may be
sure he will make prudent husband
In the same way always mstrust the
man who will not take the last piece Of toast
of Sally Luun, but prefers waiting for the
next warm batch 1t is not unlikely he
will make a greedy, selfish husband, with
whom you will enjoy no brown at dim
ner, no crust at tea, no peace whatever at
home.
"The man, my dears, who wears goloshes
and is careful about wrapping himself up well
before venturing into the night air, not un-
frequently makes good invalid husband
that mostly stops at home, and is easily com
forted with slops.
The man who watches the kettle and
prevents it boiling over will not fail, my
dears, in his married state, in exercising the
same case in always keeping the pot boil
ing.
The man who doesn't take tea, ill-treats
the cat, takes snuff, and stands with his
back to the fire, is brute whom I would
not advise you, my dears, to marry upon
no consideration, either for love or money
but most decidedly not for love. III
but the man who, when the tea is over
is discovered to have had none, is sure te
make the best husband Patience like his
deserves 70 be rewarded with the best o
wives, and of mothers-in-law. My dears
when you meet with such man, do you:
utmost to marry him. In the severest win
ter he would not mind going to bed first. ,
Here the lecturer concluded, and the
several young ladies retired to their respec
tive ayocations. Punch
A MrRAcLE.-A priest in extreme pov
erty resolved to get credit for miracle. ID
put the yolks of several eggs into hollow