Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1854-07-14
AuctiOueerina.

Ma EprroR:- To give your readers an
idea Of the Sam Slick style Of auotioneering
on the Pacific, | send you a slip from the
San Francisco News containing an effusion
from California Auctioneer.--JAKE.
"Ladies and gentlemen, now have the
honor Of putting up fine pocket haudker-
chief; yard wide, yard long, and almost
yard thick; one half cotton, and tother
half cotton, too; beautifully printed with
stars and stripes on one side, and the
stripes and stars on t'other. IL will wipe
dust from the eyes SO completed y as to be
the death to dema gogues, and make politics
as bad a business as printing papers. Its
great length, breadth and thickness, ioge;h-
er with its dark color, will enable il to hide
dirt, and never need washing. Going at
one dollar r?-soventy-6 five cents?-fftyI
cents ?-twenty.6ve cents?-one bit?-I
Nobody wants it!-Ohl-thank you, sir!
"Next, gentleman for the ladies won't
be permitted to bid on this ARTICLES a
roal simon-pure, tempered. highly polished
keen edged Sheffield razor; bran spankin
new, never opened before to sunlight,
moonlight, starlight, daylight, or gas
light; sharp enough to shave lawyer, or
cut disagreeable acquaintance or poor re-
lation handle Of buck k-horn, with all the
rivets but the two at the ends Of pure gold
Who will give two dollars one dollar 2
half a dollar? Why. ye long bearded,
dirty faced reprobates. with not loom
enough on your phizzes for a Chinese wo-
man to kiss, I'm offering you n bargain at
half duarl Well, ] will throw in this
strap at half dolarl-razor and strap
recent patent; two rubs upon it will shar-
pen the city attorney; all for four bits
and piece of soap, sweeter than rOses, lath-
ers better than a schoolmaster and strong
enough to wash out all the stains from a.
California politicians countenauce, all for
four bils Why, you have only to put the
razor strop and s,ap under your pillow at
night to wake up in the morning shaved.
Won't anybody give two bits, then, for the
lot? knew would sell 'em.
Next, ladies' and gentleman, offer three
pairs socks. hose, stockings, or half hose,
Just as you've a mind to call them, knit by
machine made on purpose out OF cotton
wool. The man that buys these will be
enabled to walk till he gets tired; and
provided his boots are high enough, needn't
have any corns: the legs are as long as
bills against the Corporation, and as thick
as the heads of the members of the Legis
lature. Who wants 'em at half dollar >
--thank-ee, madam. the money.
Next | offer you pair of boots-made
especially for San Francisco. with heels
long enough to raise man up to the Hoad-
ley grades. and nails to insure against be-
ing carried over by land slide; legs wide
enough to carry two revolvers and bowie
knife and the uppers Of the very best horse
leather. A man in these boots can move
about as the State Capital Who says
twenty dollars? All the tax payers ought
to buy pair to kick the Council with !;
everybody ought to have pair to kick the
Legislature with. and they will be found of
assistance in kicking the bucket especially
if somebody should kick at being kicked
Ten dollars for legs. uppers and soles!-
while souls, and miserable souls at that, are
bringing twenty thousand dollars in Sacra
mentol Ten dollars! ten dollars s!-gone
at ten dollars!
Next is something that you ought to
have, gentlemen; lot of good gallowses
sometimes called suspenders, know
that some of you will after awhile be furn,
ished at the States expense, but you can't
tell which one. so buy where they're cheap,
All that deserve hanging are not suppl ed
with gallows; il so there would be no
body tn make laws, condemn criminals. or
hang cuprts until new election. Made
of pure gun elastic-stretch like jadges
conscience. and last as long as California
Office holder will steal buckles of pure iron.
and warranted to hold SO tight that no
mans wife can rob him of the breeches
are, in short, as strong, as good, as perfect,
as effectual. and as bona .fde as the ord-
nance against Chinese shops on Dupont
street-gone at twenty FIVE cents"