Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1854-02-03

Numerous Variety.
The man who put on serious frans Of mind,
finds that some Of the timber are not we'll jointed.
-cHiRe eRAPay.-Tbs Clinton Cousant esys that
the word woud," in Rufus ChOate's handwriting re-
ssmblss small gridiron struck BY lightnirg!
The modern way of asking for marriage Ii.
osase il to say, "ciesk, give me an order for a
woman"
- female writer says: '.Nothing looks worse
on q lady than darned stockings." Allow Us to OBJ
serve that stockings which meed darning look much
worse than darned ones-darned if they DON'T
"A mother, admOnisbiag her son q lad some
ssvsn years Of age) told him he should never d.fer
till to morrow what he could do to-day. The little
urchin replied :-"Thes, mother, let u eat the re-
maindsr Of the plum pudding tonight"
--"MaDy young lady who Of jscts to be kissed
under the setos has no objection to be kisOd under
the rose" stupid eompositor made an error in the
shove, rendering it to say "has objection to BE-
kissed under the nose"
-"You say, Mrs. Jones, that the prisoner stab
led the deceased Was in the thorax OF ia the sb.
domen7'
'.Nsither, your worshp-in street fight. seed
1t with ny own blessed eyes,"
"rhat will do; stand aside. and ma ke room"
An old maid, who confesses to thirty Eve.
says "She doesn't bslieve-nota bit of it-in the
nonsense that men talk about breaking their hearts
lie her firm belief that there never was . man yet
who broke his hsarOr if their WAS that he breaks it
a. lobster breaks one If his claws another one shoot
ing up very quickly in its place."
"A cabin boy on board q ship, the captain of
whica was religious man, was called up to be whip
ped for soma misdsmeanor. Little Jack went CRYING
and trembling, and faid to the captain "Pray sir.
will you wait until say my prayers?" yes" was
the stern reply. "Well," replied Jack, looking M
and smiling triumphantly, "I'll never say them 70
-Nosss.-A long nose affords good handle for
ridicule. The man that's "up to snuff" therefore
viii avoid them. By the way, talking Of n,.es. what
queer one that must have been which Solomon in
forms rs like "the tower Of Lebanon. looking To.
wards DAnsseus." To have blown such q nose mu,t
have required . gale Of wiad. and nothing sherter.
-NosEs SxELL.-@How drsadfully that cigar
snals !"szcIaimsd Cushing 70 companion; dts an
awful smelling thing
'0h, no it's not the cigar that smells" was the
reply. ~ 5000 49,. Is ~
"whath 1t then" enquired Cushing, impatiently.
"Why, its your ness that smells, Of course that's
what moses srs nads for"
--A Mayor Of one Of the comnunes in France
lately made the following entry upon his register |:
~, Mayor Of -. found ysssscday, in the forest
Or. man b the name Of Rolin, eomuissins
an act against the laws. commanded him to surrsn
der, whsssupon BE- cot upoa me- hsaped me With insult
AID csntumsly. calling me ragamufan, an ass. and
preeious dolt and scarerow-su u schcA eeyf,fs
to Be true E
Some crusty old bachelor, having been Tilted
BY his bright particular star, in At Of DESPERATION
pennsd the following ho1N slands upsn "femals
wemen" 10 general:
The girls are all Aseting show,
FSr mans Illusion given
TaeiF smiles Of joy, their tears of woe
Deceitful shine, deoeitful dow,
There's not one true in seven.
--JuvEnILE SlxPILcnY.-A friend says the fol-
Ing story is fact: Tso boys Of tender years, who
went BY the name Of Tom and Jack, became members
of district school in certain New England town.
On making their appearance the teacher called them
before hs assembled school, and proceeded to make
'srtsin intenogatores concerning their names. ages
10.
swell, my fac lad, !" said the teacher to the frst
,ue, "Whstis your namei :"
'.T,m!" promptly answered the juvenile. "Tom {"
aid the teach.r; that dos not souod veil. "Remsm
Der always 10 speak the FULL name. You should have
aid Tho.a-As."
';How, my soD, (tsrBine to the other boy whose
'xpsctant face suddeny lighted mp with the satisfao
ion & newly discovered deal "sov, then, will you
eli me What your name ~" ea
"Jaeh-Ass!" replied tie lad in . tone Of confident
lecisiop. q ). 10y @@xs nsee
The teacher vas taksa wan sudden 81 Of coach !