Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1854-04-29
Humorous Variety.

-YouRG AMERICA Robert, said an indulgent
mother to youngster of nine, who amusing him
self in the with pulling the tail OF tabby cat
which, with the utmost force of feline nngs was ex-
pressing her indignation at such unfeeling treatment
:" Robert, what would You like to have me buy you
for present? Shall it be a top?'
"A top? No I'm too old for top.n was the re-
skates"
"No don't want them"
Shall get you bow and arrows, or a picture
book--or what would you like best p
"Old lady, said Robert, raising with dignity " re-
spect the feelings of gentleman, and do not aggra-
vate me farther: Keep your bows and picture books
for them that like EN-. If You want to know what !
would like, will tell YOU'D boz Of good cigars and a
shatct!"
- An exchange tells an incredible story of boy
who caughta hungry dog and tied him nv the tail and
then coaxed him out of his skin with piece of liver.
- Our friend B was travelling lately in the
cars. when man came up and asked for his fare
" Who are you 2" said B.
at? My names Wood and I'm the conductor"
oh" says b, very quietly, that can't be,
for Woods a non-conductor.
-" Sam, dus you feel de compression in de mon
ey market wild the rest of us?" asked Pete Glawson
Of Sam Leatherip, yesterday.
"0h, yes, Pete. ] dus. had to borrow yesterday,
to raise check"
"To raise check, sam--why, what kind of a
check ~
'Wny cneck shf1, 10 DE sure
- snooks mother and old Mistress Stubs, were
talking about little babies.
Why said Mistress Shocks, :" when was baby,
they put in quart pot, and then put the lid on.
And did you live?' was the onhonished inquiry OF
Mrs. Stubs.
They tell me did," was the vq1 astonishing re.
ply OF mm;;stress Snooks.
"Well, did you ever and Mistress Stubs fell to
knitting like all possessed.
-" A clerical friend who is settled away down
East tells us that he is often very much amused at the
shrewdness Of certain parshoner of his who is very
fond OF reading the Bible without note or comment
and guessing out any obscurites which he may en-
counter. He came to his pastor one day and asked
him what, in his opinion, was the reason why the
Jews. who went out to meet Christ he was riding
into Jerusalem, seated ASS colt took branches
Of palm trees in their hands. lie was told that they
intended to honor the Savior &c. Honor him! said
he that's all humbug. don't believe word of it,
Wasn't they thirsting for his blood? plaguy sight
of honor they meant to do him No, no! tell you
them pesky Jews was awful cunnin critters and they
wanted to break his neck and so they took them
branches to skeer the cotf!" Oar correspondent COM
mends this Interpretation to the attention of the bib
can commentators--Rnick Mag-
- DoGoLoGY.-we have heard many good things
that emanated from the keen wit Of the Rev. Mr.
Hunt, but the last one threw down entirely. A man
recently passing Mr.. Hunt, was accompanied by a
small dog and the little canine scoundrel took sud
den fancy to stick his teeth into the old gentlemans
legs! This physic al manifestation not proving salts
factory to the clerical victim he determined 10 victim
ze the dog in turn and drawing upon him the big end
of his cane soon added another subject TO the tomls
Then began the drama tragicomedy
Stranger-Why did you kill my dog?
Hunt-Because he was going to bite me.
Stranger-Why didn't you use the small end of your
Hunt-excited- Why didn't your. dog come at me
all fir then.
Exit stranger.