Columbia gazette., 1854-03-04

murder .-murder ~ echoed Peter.
French pulled them again, upon which
they roared the more, still retaining their
places. | have in my lifetime laughed
till / was nearly spasmodic; but never
were my risible muscles put to greater
tension than upon this occasion. The
wall, as | said before, had only that day
received coat of MORTAR, and of course
was quite soft and yielding when Joe
and Peter thought proper to make it
their pillow! it was, nevertheless, setting
fast, from the heat and lights of an cigh-
teen hours carousal; and in the morning
when my brother awakened his guests
the mortar had completely set, and their
hair being the thing most calculated to
amalgamate Herewith, the entire of
Joe's stock, together with his queue,
and half his head, was thoroughly and
irrecoverably bedded in the greedy and
now marble cement, so as that if deter
mined to move, he must have taken the
wall along with him, for separate it would
not. One side Of Peters head was in
the same state of imprisonment. No
body was able to assist them, and there
they both stuck fast.
A consultation was now held on this
pitiful case which | maliciously endeav-
ored to prolong as much as | could, and
which was, in fact, every now and then
interrupted by roar from Peter or Joe,
as they made fresh efforts to rise At
length, it was proposed by Dan Tryon
to send for the stonecutter, and get him
to cut them out of the wall with a chisel.
[ was literally unable to speak two SEN
tences for laughing. The old woman
meanwhile tried to soften the obdurate
wall with melted butter and new milk
but in vain. I related the school story
how Hannibal had worked through the
Alps with hot vinegar and hot irons:
this experiment likewise was made, hut
Bannibal's solvent had no better success
than the old crone's.
Peter Alley, being of more passion
ate nature, grew ultimately quite outra-
geous: he roared, gnashed his teeth and
swore ven sonce against the mason; but
as he was only held by one side, a
thought at last struck him; he asked for
two knives, which being brought, he
whetted one against the other and intro
ducing the blades close to his skull, saw
ed away at cross corners till he was lib
Grated, with the loss only Of half his hair
and a piece Of his scalp, which he had
sliced eff in zeal and haste for his liberty
[ never saw fellow SO cxtravagantly
happy Fur was scrapcd from the
crown of hat, to stop the bleding; his
head was duly tied up with the old wo-
man's prashess; and he was soon in a
state of bodily convalescence. Our So
licitude was now required solely for Joe,
whose head was too deeply bruised to be
exhumatcd with so much falicity. At
this moment, Bob Casey, of Ballyakill,
a very celebrated wig maker, just drop
ped in, to see what he could pick up
honestly in the way of his profession, or
steal in the way of anything else; and
he immediately undertook to get MIR.
Kelly out of the mortar by avery expert
but tedious process, namely clipping,
with his scissors, and then roofing out
with an oyster-knife. He thus fnally
succeeded, in less than an hour, in set
ting Joe once more at liberty, at the
price Of his queue, which was totally
lost, and OF the exposure of his raw and
bleeding occiput. The operation was,
indeed, of a mongrel description-some-
what between complete tonsure and
an imperfect scalping, to both Of which
denominations it certainly presented
claims. However, it is an i'll wind that
blows nobody good! Bob Casey got the
making Of skull piece for Joe, and my
brother French had the pleasure of pay
ing for it, as gentlemen in those days
honored any order given by a guest to
the family shopkeepor Or artisan.