Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1854-06-14
From the New York Leader.
THE AMERICAN MONKEY THAT
HAS SEEN THE WORLD

HAS SEEN THE WORLD.
It improves good wine to send it across
the ocean. but the same process spoils an
inferior article. So it is with Americans.
The natural nobility Of our country derive
benefit from trip to Europe; the snObs.
bad enough to begin with, are utterly
ruined, OF the latter it is ,now our aim
to speak. They are numerous body,
and as they covet to be the ''observed of
all observers" they must not be miffeG if
We level our lenses at them and produce
photograph Of the genus. With all due
respect for the idiosyncrasies Of this por-
tiOn Of our countrymen, we must sny that
the snobocratic guild comprehends no.
thing meaner than the travelled Ameri-
can snob. The mokey that has seen the
world is a less disgusting carricature Of
that which he attempts TO initiate.
Let US take single snOb-no matter
where we pick him up, for all the tribe
have the same ear marks-and show him
up as a sample. His father made soap !;
his mother used it in her original profes-
sion-that of a washerwoman. There is
nothing ignoble in such an ancestry. 1t
is more creditable to be derived from =
line Of soap boilers and washerwomen,
than from y series of feudal cut-thrOArs
running back to the days of the Norman
Filibuster, William the Conqueror. But
oursnob does not think so. Soap has made
him the heir of an immense wealth; ye:
he regards every bar OF ii in his fathers
factory as bar sinister. He would ra-
.ther, If he could have his choice. be the
bastard Of a peer than the lawfully begot-
Ten of suds and SDap-fat. OLD brown
Windsor, with the royal arms of England
upon it, is the only sponAceous sub
stance he can abide. He has learned to
despise the mO,her that bore him and
the trade that has enriched him. from the
snObs that have been finished IN London
and Paris. As yet our snOb is inchoAte;
in the pristle of snobhood. Anon he de-
sires tH 20 abroad not that he has seen
ANYTHING "f his own country (bey0nd the
few scraps Of nature that fashion conde-
sceuds to paIrOnize. or has more than a
smattering Of its history or its resources
but because some Of his associates have
made the - grand tour" and come beck
to filter bad French through their foreign
grown mustaches, into the ears of pretty
snobesses who are always "dying to see
Paris" In due time, he follows in the
footsteps of his illustriOus predecessors ;
gets an ambassadoriaI shove through
Buckingham Palace and the Tuileries.
and after running the greenhorn's gaunt-
let through the " society abroad. at an
exuense which no amount Of epistolatory
soft. soap can render palatable at head
quartz rs, he returns with three gifts he
has acquired in foreign parts-VidettcE. the
drawl Of cockney ''gent. the face OF
Paris poodle. and the airs OF Paris dan
cinr master. He has seen the WORLD y
He has come home carrlcature ct tor
eiyn atf.ctation disguised with repuhli
can simplicity. full ofpride and patchOuly,
and with nothing hearty about him ex-
cept his antipathy to, native soap:
or course, he is in favor of an lmmedi'
ate revolution in The domestic economy oI
the paternal dumicile. The visiting list
must be Reconstructed. The governor
must retire from business and "cut'' all
plebian associations. The stale of a
tub which forms an episode is the faml-
" history on the maternal side. must be
cancelled in blaze Of spl plendor. The
mansion in Fifth avenue may do, but new
carriages must be ordered, and on the
DanneIs must be emblazoned cOat-of'
arms. Consistency would suggest tat-
iron for crest, and two bars Of yellow
soap for supporters. Lch Diew, Il serve,
might answer for a motto, as being ap'
Dropriate to an honest waSherwoman's at
teuEioR TO her customers. But young
tBopeful dare not adopt even the motto oI
the Prince of Wales. at the risk Of having
clothes-line attached by some graceless
,wag to his genealogical tree. He must
bave new cognizanoe Out-and out. and
. 90 our ''Herald's College" in Broadway
,overlays all the soap and suds and fou
linen, with lion a helmet crest, and &
right valiant Latin inscription. This &C
complished. and then servants put il
livery, the travelled snob turns his atten
ton to his sisters. He discovers tha
they have not the "air noble" which dis
tinguishes the European aristocracy ; 81
he gives them few lessons in the gra
ccs, critici7es their French and music
and recommends them to wear their hal
al imperatrice. When he has traine'
them little, he coaxes MADAME, as h
calls his jolly. good-natured mother. tt
issue cards for b"I costume to repreSen
courttete in the reign of some ,Villainou
deo"uchce. He is particularly solcitou
that the young ladies should ap
pear as the fav"rite Of the harem of tina
iik. dressed a riguer; and volunteers. him
self. 10 Personity the principal court pimr
Oh the occasion. :
This Is scarcely fancy picture of tn,
vagarles Of travelled snobism in this fre,