Butte record., 1854-09-30
NIAGARA FALIs---DoESTICks ON
A BENDER.

specimens of humor we have pelused for
some time:
Dear Editor II have been to Mag
ara, YOU know Niagara Fails big rocks,
water, foam, Table Rock, Indian curl
osities, squaws, moccasins, stuffed
snakes, rapids, wolves, C.in'on House,
susp nsIou bridge, place where the wa
ter runs swift, the ladies flint, scream,
and get the paint washed off their faces;
where the aristocratic Indian ladies sit
on the dirt and Ike little bags where
all the inhabitants swindlc strangers !;
where the cars 90 in hurry, the wait
ers are impudent, and all the small boys
swear.
When I came in sign; Of the suspen-
sion bridge, l was windy impressed with
the idea that It was some bridge, In f.ct
considerable curiosity, and consider
able bridse-took glass Of beer, and
walked up to the Falls-anothe glass Of
beer, and walked under the Falls wan
ted another glass but couldn't get it ;
walked from he f lis, vet through, mad
triumphant, victorious, humbug--hum-
bug ! sir, al humbug extept the dab
blinsss Of every thing, which IS most
certainty, and the cupidily Of everybody,
which !. diabolical fact, and The Indi-
ans and niggers eyerywhery, which is Il
Satanic truth
Auothsr glass of beer-'twas forth
coming Immediately also another, al
of which l drank. [ then proceeded to
drink g ass Of beer, wen over to the
States, where procured glass Of beer;
went up stairs, Tor which [ paid 4 SIX
pense over to Goat Island, for which [
disbursed twenty-five cents--hircd .
guide, for which | paid half a dollar !;
sneezed four times, at nine cents Il
sneeze went on TO the tower for az uar-
ter of dollar, and looked at the Fa.ls !;
didn't feel sublime any, tried to, but
could MT; took some beer and tried again,
but failed drank a glass of beer, and
began to feel better though the waters
were sent for and were on journey to
the -; though the place below sea
of bear was gong to jump down and
get some--guide held me sent him over
to the hotel to get glass OF beer, while
| tried to write some poetry >resultas iol-
lows -
0 thou (spray in one eye) awful
(small lobster i'll right shoe) sublime
both feet wet master piece J'mmeney,
what a iie,) the Almighty. lie rlble
and majestic art thou in Thy trtm m ndous
might--awful (orlni) to behold, (cramp
in my right shoulder) gigantic hue aHd
nice Oh, thou that luinbies down and
rises up again in misty majesty to Heay.
en-thou glorious parent OF thousand
rainbows-~ hat huge, grand, awful,
terrible, tremendous, infinite Old SWIM
ding humhug YOU are; what are you
doing there, you rapids you--you know
you've tumbled over the rocks. and can t
get up again 10 save your puny exist
ence yuu make gr9at fuss don't you :
Man came eek with the b. er, drank
it to the last drop, and wished there
had been gallun more-walked out on
the rock to the edge of the fall, women
on shore very much frightened-l told
her not to be excite d if | fell over, as l
uould step right up again-it would not
be much of fall, anyhow-got glass
of beer from man, another from wo-
man, and another OF two small boys with
a pail-ffeen minutes elasped, when l
purchased some more of an lntian wo-
man and imbib d it through staw-lt
wasn't cood--had TO get IA glass OF beer
to take the taste out OF my mouth legs
began to tangle up, effect OF the spray
in my eyes, got hungry and wanted some
thinr to eat--went into an eating house,
called for plate OF beans, when the
plate brought a waller in his hand, |
took it, hung up my beef and beans on a
nail, eat my hat, and paid dollar t a
nireer, and sided cut on the step-walk,
bought boy of g.ass Of dog, with a
small beer and neck on bis tail, with
a collar with a spot on the end--:elt fun
nv, sick-got some sodawateF in tin
cup, d,ank the cup aud placed the soda
on the counter, and paid for the money
full of pocket-yery tad headache ; rub
bed it against the lamp post, and then
stumped along; station house came
along and said if | din'nt 60 straight
he'd take me to the watchnan--tEled to
OF lige the station house--very civil sta