Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-01-12
Gastetn Gimes.
For the Eastern Times.
New York Restaurants.


Human felicity is never found in etherea
purity, but always in some degree adul
terated with the noxious vapors of discon
tent. The warp of life, like the handker
chiefs one buys of pedlars, trusting in the af
firmation that ''they are all linen-nOt bit o.
cotton in EN-" always contains some threads
cords and associations which are upon the
most charitable construction, doubtful.
With this philosophical resignation to cir
cumstances, a little savoring, perhaps, of mis-
anthropy, 1 commence to write about the de-
Eghtful places where "we get dinners and
where are to most minds, associated with the
lively clatter of knives, the comfortable even
ing paper, and the cheering shout of the wait
ers-'Roast beef rare''-''lndianp pud' hard''
lsauce being understood.) Among the great
est of modern Institutions, esteem about
O'Clock P. M, the New York Restaurant pre-
eminently attractive. How admirably planned
for business men how convenient it is to be
able cat all hours of the day" to get hot
meal, and what nice dishes they can make out
of the Cook only knows what. Still to imam
of refined sensibility, of delicate nerves and
instructive aversion to dirt, who cannot gaze
upon porter shovelling molasses from the
pavement into hogshead, whose bursting
side has outpoured thick clammy mass of
black syrup, without experiencing a chill
and having decided distaste to the juice of
the cane for the next succeeding few days !;
who cannot knowingly swallow fly without
frantic gulp to recover it, a shudder and a
strange spasm in the stomach, and who cannot
see cockroach floating about in his coffee,
and reason coolly and calmly about the pangs
it must have suffered, how many turns it
makes in the whirling fluid before it sinks as
he stirs it up with his spOon--to such man l
must confess there are many disagreeable un-
certainties as well as certainties in the case,
tantalizing on account of their mystery in
the other disgusting in their apparency.-
Asks my friend, who AYERS that every other
corner in New York has restaurant on it
"What are the best restaurants ~ "Oh,''
reply ], with wise shrug ''there's rs
palace with its gilded columns, its frescoed,
succeed, moroccoed, elaborate, delicate, vel
vet, extensive, expensive, illusive attractions;
D-'s, where one may drink a whole farm,
live stock and all, not even excepting the barn
or COW shed, the pig stye and sold Oaken
bucket" Then there's G-'s, the tables of
which wits say are furnished from his own
family, where the young clerks delight to con-
gregate over 'stews' and steaks P-'s,
the temperance hall; C-'s and B-s',
the good old English 'restorater,' where,
shut up in pew like boxes, friendly merchants
in pairs may discuss chicken and stocks at
the same time; and many others, like auction
goods, too numerous and not worth mention
ing"
"But which is your favorite1 !" "Well, to
tell the truth, haven't any-gave it up long
ago as not feasible. Once, however, when
was fresh from school, and new to the delights
and miseries of a restaurant, had several.
MY first was-but will not say where, not
wishing to injure the mans business, since
once had such prodigious fondness for him,
his viands, his walters and house. Congrat-
ulating myself that my waiter began to be ac-
quainted with my little fancies and partiali-
ties, was wont TO smile kindly upon him as
he obsequiously placed chair for me every
day and asked with grimacing smile, well,
sir, Roast beef to-day sir or veal, sir =
One day, ah, luckless day passing by the
rear of this dining saloon, my olfactories were
greeted by an odor so sweet that fastened
one button of my coat as | always do when
excited, and mentally exclaimed, ''apple dump
lings my favorite dish-I'll have some to-
day." STOPPING down to drink in all the sa-
worry PARTICLES Of steam which issue from an
open window, | see in the cellar a table cov-
cred with dough spread out like table cloth,
out of which man wearing paper cap and
white apron, cuts a circle. Then he snatches
an apple from pan at his right, filings it up
SO as to fall exactly in the middle Of the crust
-wets the edges of the pastry, (pardOn me
fastidious reader,) with his mouth, puts it
together and tosses it into the oven. l could
$SAA eiS AAAuSbhAOuo hAHS hO" IuO dpplCS get
into some dumplings. Fastening three but
tons in my excessive excitement, turn round
the corner and with revolving stomach haste
to my second favorite. The delights of this
second fancy soon flied away. They en-
crOGched upon my ideas of propriety and left.
For as winter passed away, spring languid-
ly wearing out, March melting into May, and
May wasting into June, noticed that the
cook had suddenly incorporated into the cur
rant puddlngs new ingredient very similar in
appearance to dried currants, namely flies
but not having cut off their wings, the decep-
ton was quite apparent, and trust my indig-
nation was equally SO. This, however, could
have been remedied by flying the dish, and
everything might have gone on we'll again
had not one day more grievous accident hap
pened, Having called for dish of oysters l
was rubbing my hands over the steaming bowl
N antlclpant delight, when my eyes beheld
ut the bottom just covering the spire Of
church therein painted, and looking like
very bulky vane, what imagined was one of
those delicate, delicious, delectable crabs
which ePicnFes so delight to devour. Ifished
it up with my spoon. Bah horrors A
cOckroach ( oalled anOrilv sgVr.;.,, ,, ~