The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1854-08-18

Niagara Falls--DOeSticks ON n N FOS
Dear Editor 81 have been to N;.o.Aaet
know-Nagara FalIs-big rocks, wa,s' u
Table Rock, Indian curiositles, souavs ha
sins, stuffed snakes, rapids, wolves, CIiNor puOccA
suspension bridge, place where The WATT.
swift, the ladies faint, scream and o., i. NN
washed off their faces; where the aris;oc,s,%
dian ladies sit on the dirt, and make Guls
where all the inhabitants swindle strangers.
the cars go in hurry, the walters are inDOas
and all the small boys swear.
When came in sight Of the suspension h.,
was wildly impressed with The idea Ina, y
some bridge, in fact, a considerable curosi,v =
a considerable bridge took glass of bee,
walked unto the Falls-another glass Of be.,
walked under the Falls-wanted another Ola
beer, but couldn't get it walked away from y
Falls, wet through, mad; triumphant, vcto,u"
Misunderstanding 50, all humbug exceU
dabbliness OF every thing, which IS a daOOEs,
fact, and the Indians and Rlggers every VIII
which is Satanic truth.
Another glass OF beer-'twas forhconmnvs
mediateIy also another, all OF which drapi
then proceeded to drink glass OF beer, went o.,
to the States, where procured n glass Of h.
went up stairs, for which | paid sixpes~
over to Goat Island, for which disbuTsed tx.sr
five cents-hired guide, TO whom paid hsS,
doliar-sneezed four times, at nine cents snes,
went up on the tower for quarter ofa dOh
and looked al the FalIs-didn't feel sublime Am
tried to, but couldn't-iook some beer and hi;
again, but faled-drank glass Of beer and begS
to feel better-Ihought the waters were sent
and were on a Journey to the -; thought
place below was one sea OF beer-was pCS
10 jump down and get some, guide held me-
sent him over 10 the hotel to get glass Of Bee
while tried TO write some poetry result as
lows:
o thou (spray in one eye) awful (small IObss
in right shoe) sublime (both feet weL master pRu
of Chimney, what lie,) the Almighty. Ten&
and majestic art :hou in thy tremendous mighl-
awful (orinD to behold, (cramr in my right sh@
der) gigantic, huge and nice Oh, thou that HA
blest down and riseth up again in misty majey
to Heaven-thou glorious parent of thousaAi
rainbows-what huge, grand. awful, terrible
tremendous, infinite, old, swindlrng humbug yOO
are; what are you doing there, you rapids you
yon know you've tumbled over the rockS, M
can't get up again to save your puny existent
you make great fuss. don't you1
Man came with the beer, drank it to the la
drop, and wished there had been gallon more
walked out on a rock to the edge Of the fall, u
not to get excited if fell over, as | would uI
right up agan-it would not DO much ola d
any how-got glass OF beer Of a woman, and a.
other OF two small boys with pail-6(tecn ma
utes elapsed, when purchased some more Of N.
Indian woman and imbibed it through q straw
1t wasn't good-had to get glass Of beer 10 tab
the taste out of my mouth legs began to tang
up, effect Of the spray in my eyes got hUnFy
and wanted something to eat-went into an eaiR
house called for plate of beans, when the pIA
brought the waiter in his hand took it, hung
my beef and beans on a nail, eat my hat, pad
dollar to a niger, and sided out on the sIep.waR
bought boy Of glass Of dog with small bee
and neck on his tail with a collar with CPD
Ola the end-felt funny, sick-got some soda.M
er in a tin cup, drank the cup and placed the SOD
On the counter, and paid for the money full n
pocket-very bad headache rubbed it against d
lamp post, and then stumPed along ; station hOU
came along and said il didn't 60 straight bel
take me to the watchman-tried to obge the Oh
ton house-very civil station house, very-me
baby with an irish woman and a wheelbarrOw
it couldn'i &c: out of the way, she wouldn't wal
on the sidewalk, bot insisted on going on bob
sides of the street at once tried to walk betWS
her consequence collision, awful, knocked "
the wheelbarrow's nose, broke the Irish WOMB
all to pieces, baby loose, court house handy, TOD
me to the consta bic, jury sat on me, and The ID
said the magistrate must take me to the constable
objected; the dungeon put me into the darEa
constable in the city; got out, and here am, pre-
pared to stick to my original opinion-MGgna
anus hunubug! non e1cclsus, non aaGligmus d
Yours, unquestiOnably, .
@. R. PHYLANDER DOESTlCKS. Pa