Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1854-06-15
Wariftp.
"A Tale of a Turkey.
AM UNFORTUNATE PACT.

Que Saturday evening, not long ago, trio
ofyoung gentlemen going home in The evening
after the labonrs Of the week had ended, chanc
ing to look upwards at third story window o.
certain house in a certain street, not many
leagues from the well-known Marlboro Hotel
Boston, tenanied by an acquaintance Of theirs
young man of great histrionic ability and re.
pute, espied one of Plato's Men, i. e. bird
of the genus Turkey, denuded Of its feathers,
and in fact prepared for splitting, hanging in a
melancholy manner from window fastening
for the benefit of pure air.
Mr.. T., the proprietor of the bird, being
something Of bird-fancier, had, few days
previous, purchased this choice turkey; for the
purpose of RECALLING himself and family there
with on Christmas, wisely deferring The luxu-
rious feast to day of rest, wherein the wicked
prompter ceaseih from troubling, and the an
noying call-boy is qniescent. So there the
turkey-or the dng-dong, as Paul Shack has
it, hung in the night breeze:
And like mighty pendulum,
All solemnly he swung.
But if Mr.. t. loved turkey, SO did his three
friends, and Mephistopheles prompted them to
deed without name ! (null and void, ac-
cordingly, their easy consciences argued,) and
this was no other than the abduction Of the
bird.
'Turkies are high, said one of the trio.
Yes, but they'll come down. answered
another, who, by chance, had become possessed
Of long cedar pole, which had been dropped
out of an unconscious countryman's cart. To
lash the hooked blade of an open jacknife to the
extremity of his pole was the work of a mo-
ment; in another, the string which attached
the turkey to his nail was cut.
The last link was broken, and down came
the bird-faciIs descensus, as the poet has it.
The Waterman was slumbering, and the
prize was secured. They carried it into an
eating-house, and ordered mine host to roast it
and serve it up the next day with appropriate
fixins' for their Christmas dinner.
The next day, punctual to the appointed
hour, the friends assembled and were told their
meal would soon be served While waiting
owner of the abducted bird. He was pale and
wan, and in state of considerable agitation
Walking up to the landlord in a nervous man
ner, he begged 10 know if he could, as great
favor, accommodate him with about FIVE pounds
of beef-stake.
lt'sall gone,' was the answer.
Mutton!'
sAIl out
What have yOn gotl' gasped the despairing
victim. I've got nothing for my Christmas
dinner
You'd OughttO nave provided beforehand,
said the sententions host.
So did, replied the agonized actor:
Il had turkey, and better one
Meier did repose upon a rusty nail;
But he is gone; whittier. know not, sir,
The earth has bubbles as the water hath,
And he was one Of these
A turkey towering in his pride of place,
Was hawked and moused at
by some prowling rascal only wish knew
who il was
Won't you dine with nsi' asked one Of
the cOnspirators, we are going TO have ,ur-
key
NO-nO-I thank you--think Of my family,
they would have no turkey.
Farewell, long farrell to dreams Of turkey
Landlord, what can you give me!'
I'm sorry 10 say, said the host, after a
wink from one Of the initiated, {. that cam
spare you any meat or poultry. I'm hard up
myself Fit was any other day bat Christ
mas. AS far as pot Of baked beans goes
however
Beansp shrieked the victim. do you take
us for Mexicans, that you would feed US on iheiI
national rationsl Begone! thou iroublest me-
I'm not 10 The bean-eaiing vein. My wife. my
little ones Beans he repeated, with sheer
ing and demoniac emphasis.
Better have EN- said the landlord
Beans be il, then!' said the victim, in The
deep, hollow tones Of forced resignation.
SalubFIous, sagoury, and economical beans
suggested the Landlord pleasantly and mildly
Ahr be added sooihiugly, as he folded u,
q uAoNH t'0t az q H1F1tn "At4 delivered IL to thu
despairing applicant, coula almost pick
bean with you myself.
Geniemenp said the victim, folding II,
bean-poi in his arms with an air Of great die
nifty, you cannot fully appreciate my feelings
yOu cannot sympathize entirely with me. 70
called for turkey, and you had il I, who ha
for four days been preparing my palate for th
inordinate delectation which well roasted dis
don invariably affords, am obliged to satisfy
with an article compared 10 which. turkey il
as Shakespeare observes, Hyperion to Satyr
Imagine The transition from roast turkey
baked beans Pardon these iears! Truly ther
is bul one step from the sublime 10 The rider
lons y And with these words Mr. r. disay
peared with bis sorrowful bur,hen.
The conspifators dined well thai day, Will