Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1854-12-13
GOING WEST TO SETTLE; OR,
Big Fights, Steamboat Explosions,
and Turkey Buzzards.

GOING WEST TO SETTLE; OR,
Big Fights, Steamboat Explosions,
and Turkey Buzzards.
Dan Hubbius went off West one fall. t,
see how things looked, preparatory to Sc
Ilecting location to settle. Dan was al
kundeveloped genius. full blooded Yankee
brisk and industrious as an educated hea
he was mt afraid of work; he had an inven
tive faculty, was good humored, alway.
of a lively turn. but lived in an almost toe
near finished town for a man of his dupli
Gated grand action and spreading ambi
ton to flourish. Dan got up one morn
ing with his plans for the futur' manufao.
tured to order.
"Jeroosh," says he to his wife. ''I've
been calkelatin that this taown dunt fit
me, no how"
"Sakes p was Jerusha's exclamation,
"haow yeou du talk. Dan'l."
''Talkl' Dan responds, rushing first one
foot and then 'tother into his boots; 50
going West to settle." 4
''Sakes, yeou be why haow yeou du
talk; who in sin owes you any thing out
there, Dan'l ?" e
"Owes me any thing. humphl They
say the world owes every feller in it liy-
en- but if any felIer gifts it without roOtin'
around sum, I've missed fgger."
And then Dan went into a state Of more
definite elucidation to his full fiedged re-
alization Of a down East wife and mother.
He packed up an extra dickey, &c.'s, in
that never-to- be-forgotten yaller Valice.
carried by every peramubulating Yankee,
from the Penobscot to the interstices of
the Russian railway baggage crates going
to Moscow, and found behind the bar of a
Rocky Mountain Tavern.
Dan heard good report of Ohio. He
went direct there, but weeks travel
seemed to settle conviction in his mind
that where people lived on yaller corn, it
might go agin his wife's grain. Corn
pork was mt so bad, corn bread endurable,
but to go an entire bill Of fare Of corn
corn cakes, corn coffee and corn
whiskey, with corn shuck' feather beds,
rather cornfounded Dams calculations, and
so he progressed on to Indiana. There,
things were little behind Ohio, corn lux
uries we're too numerous 10 mention, but
the people had way of taking corn tea'a
little too strong, talking politics and swear-
ing in manner that gave Dams moral
a Mist contrary to his ideas
of what was doing things on q square; so
he moved his boots few pegs farther.
At the FIRST Tavern that hove in sight,
after reaching Illinois, early one morning,
Dan halted, and not seeing any body Wis
ibIe but that Of an ugly dog with pair OF
leaden looking, deep sunk eyes, mouth to
match. aud figure indicative of the poor
beasts being brought up on cracker-kegs,
the hoops protruding almost through the
skin in forty acute angles all over his bo-
dy, Dan sung out
"Hel!o'! any body to hum ?" A door
opened and the bullet head of buck mig
ger appeared.
"Hello'' says Dan, ,"Do octor, who keeps
shop here o.
ginrale, bu-bu-but you see dis his dada
day to sh-sh.shake, and gorry he-he-he's
gone at 'em."
"Shake ~ echoes Dan, "that's darn.
ed pooty dee, tu; what's he shake %
ooh, well yo-yo-you see, boss, dey's
.hab de-de-de ager (ague) round he-hefe
a little, deg duz.' s
hHY1 Gu "ellI Is Vic lduNIduy a
round 2"
"N-n-no sab, missus she's g-g-got 'em
too"
who keeps haous-kin I git any thing
to eat 2"
"Dunno, sab, you see Sally sh-sh-she's
not got ober her sh-sh. shake desc tree
days; Po-Po- Polly she's iiss gun to Ph .sh I,
shake dis morning; bu.bu-but if you come
in, boss, I'll s-see what k-kin raise for
you, Ise go-go-got to shake myself like
de debbIe IN bout IF five minutes, and de-
de-dey's co.comin' o.o-on now y and the
darkey's teeth really began to chatter a
double jointed staccato.
"Well, says Dan, as he followed the
shaker; "this is poOty country-a teller
would shake himself ou: of a first rate
constitution, or bran splinter new pair
of boots in three months; guess I'll tray'
el out of this State pOoty eyerlastin' sud
den ~
In the course Of his travel the next day
Dan encountered school house; seven
teen of the scholars and the master were
enjoying a mutual shake, and were to-
feeble TO run, or it was probable they
would have followed the balance of tht
school, which run of to the hazel bushei
aod hid, crying as they ran
"Good Goddee ] run boys, run, her
comes stranger p
And along the road Dan Hnbbins en-
countered the shakers-men shook, wo
men shook, children and dogs shook, IN
til they we're as thin as rails, and as ysl
Ter as saffron or smoked shad. But fs'
DAYS put Dan 'tcther side of the river. 40
the hills and the pleasant valleys, with tn
broad Mississippi alongside the great. Stas
of Missouri. inspired our Yankee frien
with the belief that the far.of tabled eouE
) try of milk and honey was there.
Pulling up before tavern of rude COT
: structiop. but with a broad sign-boaT