Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1854-01-04
WIt auo Gnmor.

ysSyn' Do you call them large turnips 2
Why yes they are considerable large
They may be so for turnps, but they are
nothing to an onion saw the other day
And how large was the onion z
20, monster; it weighed forty pounds
Forty pounds z
Yes, we took off the layers, and the six
teenth layer went around u demijohn that
held four gallons
What whopperD
DO you mean to say that tell false
hood 2
% no; what whopper of an onion
mean
BagA poor lrishman applied at the church
wardens Office, at Manchester, for relief. and
upon some doubt being expressed as to wbeth-
er he was proper object for parochial relief,
be enforced bis suit with much earnestness.
Och, yer honor, said be, sure Id be
starved long siuce, but for my cat
Bat for what? said the astonished inter
eogator.
Ny cat rejoined the freshman.
Your cat Elbow SO 2
Sure, yer homer, sould her eleven times,
before Id get there mJ self
Ee5~'Tom, why did you not marry Miss
c.?
oh she had sort of hestancy in her
speech, and SO left her.
"A hesitancy in her Speech never heard
OF that before-are you not mistaken 2
Monet at all for when | asked her If
she would have me, she kinder besitated to
say yes, and she hesitated SO long, that cut
for another gal.
ne@A wag was one day speaking of two
othis acquaintances who had gone west, where
new corners were usually attacked the first
season. with the ague, and said he
Neither OF these two men will be afflicted I
with the agac'
Why not z Inquired bystander.
'Becaase, was the reply, one of them is
too lazy to shake, aud the other won't shake
unless he gets pay for it.
Hsy@A man praising porter, said it was so
excellent beve rage that taken in great auap-
titles it always made him fat.
i have seen the time said another, when
1t made you lean
When ? asked the eulogist.
Last uight-against the wall
BaJ'An lrishman who acted as porter to
one Of the State Banks lost his bunch of KEYS
one day
La great state of alarm, he ran up and
down the street, crying, Lost lost bunch |
OF kays. I'll not be afther tcln' YOU what
Rays they were, for they we're the kays of
the bank =
Bay~A specimen of Young America. the
other day overtaking one of bis companions,
said TO bin
Bill. Bili-the old mans gonc-daddys
dead
is he 2 Well, I'm darned sorry, but he'll
never HEX as agin for lathcrin' the old cat,
and Shawn her with his razor
BI9y@A negro returning one night from
dancing froiic, when crossing the river, lost
both his oars. and camo near being swamped.
Determined to do what be never done no.
fore he dropped on bis knees and exclaimed
'oh, Massa Lord il cher gwine to help old
Ira, now am de time
BD"A Philadelphia editor thinks from the
manner in which shirts are made in that CITY,
there ought to be an inspector of common
sewers. The editor went to the expense of
a new shirt the other day and found himself
when be awoke in the morning crawling out
between two of the finest stitches.
RYs~ Father wants TO know as how if
you'll lend him two sticks of wood p
es' there IS a couple of logs; but you
did not return the last
No, and shau't tech them ere without
you split en-
essg@' Have you ever bad any experience
IN stage buslnessF said thea rrcol manager
to person who was urging him for an op-
portunity to make first appearance
! never have, replied be, but have been
in the cab line
ssT'Hallo. mister-have you got any
grain to sell p
No-why do you ask 2
'Bekase | see you've a wry face y
HsaS~ The man who made a shoe for the
foot OF mountain, is now engaged on a hat
for the head of discourse which he
will manufacture plume for General Intel.
hgeuce.
bsG 4 mousse paiiter-says an exchange
recently grained door so exactly 10 imi.
tation Of oak. that last year it put forth leaves,
and grew an excellent crop of acorns
ESS@A man was found mounted on lad
der, with his lips pressed TO the telegraph
wires He was kissing bis wife in Philadel-
phia by telegraph
Rey@Why is four cent sugar like man
that never surrenders? Because it's clear
grit, and nothing else
ES1~Why are chickens neeks ike door
bells? Because they arc often wrung for
company