Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1853-08-11

Ta mr.. Kerry staPues, store-KeePer, Mt the
Urper C,ruer In swoPtowH, New Eng-
Hana.
New YoRK, June Is, 1858.
DEAF JERRY:-l was right consarned
Glad to get your letter last week, for l
hadn't heard word from home since
aae fifteenth day of last March, when /
took that glass of cider along with you,
and bid you goodbye at your store door.
What's Sally in sieh pucker about?-
What's the use of my writin when |
haint got nothin to write about? If
was dead or married, or anything worth
speakin about, I'd write and let her
know it. But ifshe can't have patience
ill somethin turns up, she may go to
grass, if she is your sister. Howsom-
ever, give my love to her, and tell her
not to worry; Sol Swop is true as steel
yet. There'sgals enough down here to
York, and some of EN- are mighty easy
to get acquainted with, but wouldn't
swop Sal Starnes for forty of EN-. 1
amt no Mormon, nor don't belong to
none of that sec; SO tell Sally not to wor-
ny. And as for them ''five pints," !" that
she's In sich a pucker about, I've been
all around there, and / couldn't find
anything to hurt; it's all sowed down to
Pease, and all growing fresh and nice.
So tell Sally not to worry. And about
them Mormons, Jerry, now think ont,
when was in Washington, and trying
the President for an office, the Gineral
st and studied as much as tue hours, to
try think of some Office that wasn't
promised, or that wasn't SO hemmed In
by ofice-seekers, that there wasn't no
gettin at it. AT last, he said, "Mr.
Swop, l rally want to accommodate you
very much, for l like your grit. Idon't
know whether you're hard shell or
soft shell, nor l don't care; won't ask;
but | like your true democratic grit, and
i want to give you an office. But there
amt but one Office that l can think of,
but what is spoken for. If you'll take
that you shall have it. That is the
Governorship Of the Mormons. / want
to send that old scamp, Brigham Young,
adrift, before the dirty old villain spiles
all the salt in Salt Lake Valley. don't
believe salt would keep him now, if he
was buried in it. If l can get some good
Yankee Governor to go and take charge
there, and carry his Yankee wife with
him and two or three regiments of SOL
diers to make them Mormons stand
round, l should begin to have some
hopes of en-"
'Wal, Gineral," says l, 'taint no use
talking about it; l know Sally Starnes
too well; she'll never give her consent in
the world, and l shall have to ask her.
But" says 1, "Gineral, III tell ye what
I'd do; I'd drill hole into the Rocky
Mountains, and blow the tops of EN- off
into the Salt Lake Valley, and bury them
Mormons all in heap, SO deep that the
world would never hear of EN- again"
oval" says he, ''that's good idea,
Mr.. Swop, and if you'll go and engage
that machine that they're boring the
Hoosic Mountains with, I'll give you the
job"
told the President I'd do it; so you
see, Jerry, if / didn't get an ONCE, got
a Government contract, and that's full
as good, and commonly good deal bet
ter. You can generally make more
money out of contract than you can
out of an Office. And you know this
world was made to make money in, and
I'm bound to make money out of my
contract. So tell Sally Starnes not to
worry.
You wanted me to tell you in my next
letter all about the Crystal Palace con-
sarn, and exactly when it's goin to open,
SO you can come down with your jigger-
marees to the show. Well, Jerry, l can
tell ye now, to day. tits goin to open
the fifteenth day of July; and if it don't
open then, it'll be about the first of Au-
gust, or sometime in September, or pref
ty soon afterwards. l guess you may
as well go on and get your harvestin
over, and then put your old mare up a
fattin, and by the time she gets in good
travelin order, you better set out, and
put her down to it at least twenty miles
day, so as to be sure to be in time
There's whole ship load of Lords and
Ladies, and Counts, and what not, come
over from England to the show, and as
It's not quite ready, they're goin to make
a tower round through America and
Canada and Niagara, and then come
back, and if the Palace amt ready to be
opened then, l shouldn't wonder if there
was row, and the windows broke
About them stalls, you can have cou-
pie in good situation in the Palace, if
you are right smart to drive large bu-
siness, and will pay over half the profits
to the Directors. But amt sure but
what you'd do as well to set up outside,
and have all the profits to yourself
That's the way thousands Of folks are
goin to do, particularly in the grog line
and fancy business. The ground is
nearly all taken up for about half mile
round, but if you divide the profits with
the Aldermen, they'll fix you up a first
rate chance. I've been SO busy lately
getting up anew coal and land company,
that have not had time to 90 up to the
Palace, or l should write more particu-
lar. But viii next time. In haste
your old friend,
SOLOMON swop.