The Santa Fe weekly gazette. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.T. [i.e. N.M.]) 1851-1854, 1853-09-17
SHORT PATENTsERMONS.
BY "Dow JR."
A SHORT SERMON PREACHED TO A SHORT
PEOPLE.

PEOPLE.
W1Np-wHIsTLE islanders l-you vile under
growth Of the human forest you dwarfsh, stuned,
frod-frightened samples Of primitive humanity;
why do you net conrive to grow taller, physically,
mentally, and morally? You hold your heads
high and imagine that they are as near heaven as
mine; but it is no such ihlng-you fall short of
me BY foot and half, standing in my stockings
and wig off and as for your religious ideas, they
were never known to do more than to put forth
few sickly sprouts and die. This is all owing my
dear heather, TO your abominable, self-wled ig
ncrance, which suppose you will do your best 10
maintain for ever. At present you seem deter
mined to know nothing, and Pm afraid haven't
sufficient power and plug tobacco about me to
sway you from such sinful determination. II
speak TO you of better lands than ur own ireary,
desolae, rocky storm.tattered island, you Hoo.Hoo
at me- as much as TO say, 'No you don't, we are
not made of grassp But lei me tell Won of Won
derful truth Away down in the SOUTH where the
sun goes to warm himself in winter, (who said
HOO y is great country called California land
abounding in gold, rum and plug tobacco. The
rocks, as big as yours, are all solid god-so solid,
that as vet they never have been broken 10 afford
sordid ambition a piece as big as your little toe
nail but they will soon be, and perhaps more i'm
medately. The trees, whose waving tops tickle
the cheeks of the moon md keep the stars for ever
winking, are perpetually foIiaged with leaves of
SILVER, and ever hang with golden apples averaging
in size from a small fist up TO biz baby's head.
But mind, you Wnd-whisters, all these tempta.
tions exist only at the tops of the trees, and in the
heated imaginations of Enthusiastically beyond
the reach of mortal man. Down in the valleys,
though, there is more gold, mixed with tobacco,
than would bury your whole island TO the depth of
half mile, and sink your souls even deeper in the
mire of dppravity than they are now. There they
have machines, propelled by everlasting perpetual
power TO separate the pure from the impure-the
clean from the unclean-the chatf from the wheat
The righteous from the unrgheous Bushels of
unseemly rubbish are poured into the top OF the
machine, while from the bottom eternally gush
two vast, magnificent, heavenly streams; the one
Of pure, unmarried, virgin gold-lhe other OF
beautiful. blue black, sweet-scened plug tobacco
Then 0 Wind whsllers! Just imagine that this
auriferous and narcotic California is lso spiritual
land of promise! Yes, there all the rivers run
fourth-proof Santa Cruz rum over beds Of brown
sugar. aud every mudhole is monstrous basin of
molasses. Now will You speed on the wings OF
the wind, or on your fast toters either, to to this
blessed andP | feel assured that You will for
il gold, rum and tobacc, won't enlce heather as
well as christi n, then the world is not now 1t
was in the days of Moses and the profits Hoo,
HOO you grunt most unanimously Well, stay
where you are, then delight in yonr own deshtn-
ten, and make merry with your own misery
While send round my hit 10 receive your shells
and trlukets let us all sing, after fashion
When thirst for gold ensIaves the mind,
And selfish views alone bear sway
Man leaves his wife and bdbe behind,
And HES 10 Ca-li-for-ni.a.
Brethren Wind.whstlers! since your affection,
have taken such deep root here in the cracks oi
the rocks that can't pull them up without danger
Of bursting something, permit me TO throw smal
handful Of advisatOry salt among you. There ar,
spots upon your cold, hardlooking island tenderly
susceptible Of cultivation. These y'u must cult
vate. Plant potatoes. corn and beans-beans es
peciay and as these spring up md flourish, they
will give premonitory evidence of your being nuoT
the right track 10 civilization. Only know beans
and you increase in wisdom, bodily strength ant
gumption they add much to the corporeal weight
and cubits 10 the stature Of the mind. Beans worl
wonders. Raise them, and you will iaise your
selves in time TO level with the enlightened ma
tions Of the earth; but cont promise you an!
more real happiness than you now possess. 81
mote it be.