Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1853-01-12

luS " HItIlSSi tlIe hulIS1 lidI Hc uIu HOIlOF6
his wife, disguise the reality as he might
lie could not endure the mention of her
name, and as the time Of her departure drew
near, he became moody, restless and thor
oughly unhappy.
lie had not, to be sure, fallen in love with
any one in England. He still clung to his
honor but with grasp so tenacious that one
acquainted with the labyrinths Of the human
heart might easily see he feared losing it al
together.
Alas for poor mortality sustained alone
by human resolutions
BY degrees a sort of despair settled upon
the mind of the miserable man as time roll
led swiftly away. How could he return,
how meet the childish creature to whom he
was united by indissoluble bonds. For life,
for life,' he repeated again and again; for
long, blank, useless life am | tied to a soul
less body; where | had expected most hap
piness experience exquisite torment; have
wrecked my hopes and blasted my fairest
expectations with suicidal rashness. o I!
God why was | so reckless /?
The idea of meeting with Leila seemed in
finitely worse than death. In his dreams
he nightly beheld her, but she was always
romping with the slaves, playing with her
alligator, or reclining in indolent repose he
grew to hate the very vision; he lost his self
control; in fact he created misery for him
self and revellcd in it.
His cheek had indeed blanched to its
original purity, but there was stamped upon
/ it deathlike hue. His old father augured
no good, because Herman's appetite had
failed him, dinner being now his ultimatum
iofhappiness. His mothersighed and thought
/ of the consumptive tendency of her family,
and Herman, though he was not aware that
such was the case, was rapidly becoming a
misantrophe-worse, monomaniac.
Even the fair women in the brilliant circles
where his presence had become necessa-
ry, marked his altered countenauce. his alb
sent mien, with interest not unmixed with
many a suspicion as to the real state Of af-
fairs, so that before lorg his name was the
constant theme for every pair of ruby lips
in the whole range Of his acquaintance.
November is said to te the month of sui
cides in England. The dense fogs and pc
culiar rawness of the damp winds give to the
atmosphere a chillness and gloom that fal
depressingly upon the most buoyant spirit
imparting an irresistible and far from pleas
ing melancholy.
Towards the close of wailing November
day, Herman Stanton sat alone in his cham
Der. 1t wanted only one short week of the
time he had long ago fxedupo for his voy
{ age towards what he called, sometimes
home. Ills face had grown meager ant
thin; he was no longer .'St'Ecl ':si9---.'--
faultlcss taste that had always characterize
r him. His hair seemed darker and thicker
$ and it was sadly dishevelled by constant
pushing his fingers through its tangled curls
theHght of his eyes was flashing and unste'
:, dy; his whole appearance was that OF ma
c on the verge ofinsanity, or laboring und'
some crushing sorrow:
IS L cannot, I will not he muttered b
If tween his clenched teeth what! so ba'
% to press her again to a false heart TO breat
er vows oflove where my whole being loathe
le O! better death ; and he glanced unea
n, ly at a brace of pistols, that like the co
1r clttering eyes of basilisk, seemed to IL
10 him to his destruction. lie had now reaC
ed the acme of his misery he hated
\ light, he dreaded the face ola human ber
at he loathed his species, himself
- his chamber. MY cTtfsetr hack hfalfGlkl, and forth
We he muttered again, and [ am now the DIV
Of fortune. 0! Heaven where is ther
* wretch 50 miserable as II For two lc
es- hours the unhappy man paced the floor,
brow black and his steps unsteady, revC
es- ing most horrible thoughts in his mind
&c Often did he determine to rid himself {
life so 6urdensome, once his hand rested
ery the murGerous weapon beside him, bu
be he imagined the horrors of such death,
md vaguely felt, that in the future there &C
&C, be no hope for a murderer, he recoiled v
shuddering and awe; but to his fear
ian ceeded not repentance.
not Gradually the frown faded from his br'
re- he drew his chair closer to the little gr
lew heaped with glowing anthracite, and
the down before it. The dismal voices OF
red blast mingled in one discordant howl,
ess, a heavy shower of hail stones played
not unmusical reveilie against the win
was pane. But with the increase of the st
.uti- and the harsh chime of the wind, Her
pare Stanton grew more cheerful.
pure If | 60 there he said, in firm t
and speaking to himself, 1 shall at least
his enough of solicitude. 1t is said in thos
cter merican wilds, the voice of man is sci
f; so heard,-a hermit, the idea is vastly ag
how ble-I will be hermit no one will
S to Of or know me there As to living
dying thousand deaths daily, as to r.
/; a ming to Cuba to play the hypocrite in
SELF ING life of loathsome ease with one |
lway not love, will not. Ny resolution is ia
have l have money enough to carry me thr
IA an the year-yes, two years, with the slt
mo- means shall need. | am tired of fas
oud tired of friends, ofmyself Of bores, of
tole- body; Twill 90 to these endless forests,
eets, solitude and die unknown
rink A timid knock at the door Ellen,
D the little servant girl, came in and placed
in his hand. 1t ran thus
elt to DEAR STANTON N:-About tn e little
from we talked Of yesterday is on my part
failure. | am in better spirits to night, an
assed neither like shooting myself nor going
, few merica. Julia and are friends again,
ToGo am now Certain of her love. However,