Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1853-12-30
Humorous.


The rePert that G schoolsaster chast;sed boy
with railroad switch is doubted.
-BMGHr.-'1 Fay, my little son, where does
the right hand road go? 81 don't know, sir tain t
been nowhere since we lived here"
"A wsg thus eulcgises his musical attainments;
know two tunes-the one is "Auld Lang Syne," and
the other isn't; always sing the latter.
10 dear, mother - said little boy, "what
shall do with my pug nose7 It's getting pugger and
pugger every day."
A genius out West has just patented machine
for making chestnus out of sweet potatoes. He is
brother Of the old gentleman who put handles to
prickly pears and sold them for curry combs.
Old Knick for November tells story of little
fellow who forbidden by his mother, going to the
brook to SWIM On day he broke her command, and
putting his shirt, he got the wrong side out.
His mother discovered this, and asked him how his
shirt wrong side out. The little rogue replied
20! Ill guess 1 turaed it in getting over the
| fence"
| FAMILIAR AEswER.- Eddy was up for exhibition
one afternoon, and was being catechised before his
admiring friends. "Who was put into the fiery fur.
mace :" asked his father. "Shadrach, Meshaca and
Abednego." al Who put them in!" Eddys face
Frightened this time, and with all the boldne.s Of one
who was fure be was right, he cried out" Little
Johnny Green!"
| when Pat Hogan first arrived in this country,
he was told by some Yankee, that many things in
this country were larger than in I.elandthe rivers,
lakes, &C. Soon after Pat arrived at field where o
donkey feeding, and seeing the animal cock up
pair of long tars, Pat exclaimed to his companion,
"ooh, Teddy, my boy, lock- look Och, jabers what
rabbit I"
a reverend gentleman, while visiting parish
oner had OCCASION in the conversation to refer to the
Bible, and asking for the article, the master ran
to bring it, and came back with two leaves of the
book in his hand. 81 declare, says he, this is all
we have got in the house; I'd no idea we were so
near out y
In a certain village lived very honest farmer,
who, having number Of men hoeing the field, went
to see bow bis work went on. Finding one of them
sitting STILL he reproved him for ideness. The man
answered, 81 thirst for the spirit" "Grog you mean
suppose" said tina farmer "but if the bic teacht
You to thirst for the spirit it says oe every that
thrsteth.'"
- person who has since made SEINE noise by bis
attainments was once called upon to undergo an ex-
animation in college. On coming out, he was asked
how he got along7 First rate, :" said he. "Thsy
only asked me two questions, and answered them
both promptly and correctly" "What were the
euestions?" "The first was, "Whst is q parallax?
and told them didn't know and the second was,
Can you calculate eclipse? to which said 'no!
I'd like to see anybody answer two questions more
promptly and correctly than that!"
Dean Swift, observing nothing on the table but
pGbbits, dish for which be had great aversion,
pronounced grace in the following novel manner:
"kahbts young and rabbits old
Rabbits hot and rabbits cold;
Rabbits roast and rabbits boiled;
Rabbits fried and rabbits broiled;
Rabbits tender and rabbits tough;
God be praised, we've rabbits enough I"
"a WITNESS Some years ago witness was
examined before q judge, in ease Of SANDER, who
told him to repeat the precise words. The witness
hesitated until he rveted the attention of tho whole
court upon him. then fixing his eyes earnestly on he
judge, began :"M May it please your honor, you lie
and steal, and get your living by stealing!" The
face Of the judge Redeemed, and be Immediately
claimed % Turn to the iury. sir I"