davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

Gems of Geld.

He who IL always in a hurry to be wealthy
and immersed in the study of of augmenling
his fortune; has lost the arms of reason and
deserted the post of virtue. Horace.
Where necessity ends, dcsir, and curiosity
begin; and no sooner are we supplied with
everything nature can demand, than we sit
down to contrive artificial appetites. john
son.
To think we'll of every other mans cond-
ton, and to dislike your own, is one of the
msfortunes of human nature. PLEASED
with each others lot our own we hate."-B Bur
ton.
Wise men mngle mirth with their cares,as
help either to forget or overcome them !;
but 10 resort to intoxication for the ease Of
ones mind, is to cure melancholy by madness.
- ChdrroR.
While am ready to adopt any well ground
ed opinion, my inmost heart revolts against
receiving the judgments of others respecting
rarscns and whenever have done so, have
bitterly repented of it-NieJur.
The roses of pleasure seldom last long
enough to adorn the brow of him who plucks
them, and they are the only roses which do
not retain their sweetness after they have lost
thes beauty,-Blair.
True JOY is a serene and sober motion; and
they are miserably out, that take laughing
for rejoicing: the seat of il is within. and
| there s no cheerfulness like the resolution of
brave mind that has fortune under its feet
Seneca.
The greatest parts without discretion, as
observed by an elegant writer, may be fatal
to their owner; as Polythemus, deprived oi
his eyes. was only the more exposed, on &C.
count of his enormous strenth and stature
Addison.
II II be the characteristic Of worldly man
that he desecrates what is holy, it should bt
Of the Christian TO consecrate what is secular
and to recognize a present and presiding
Divinity in all things Chalmers.
1t is deceiving ones self to believe that i
is only violent prssions, like those of love and
ambition, which are able to triumph ovel
others. SlothfU!ness, languishing as it is, per
mits none to be its mistress; il usurps all the
designs and all the actions OF life; it destroys
and consumes insensibiy the passions and the
virtues-Rochefoucauld
The goodness of God to mankind is no less
evinced by the chastisement with which he
corrects his children, than in the smiles of his
providence, for the Lord will not cast off for
ever. but though he cause grief, yet he will
have compassion according to the multitude o.
his mercies-Hosea BdAou.
Our DEBT To SocIETY.-It is n part of .ev
cry mans duty to give the weight of his influ
ence to the correction of every evil which in
tests society, for the protection which it gives
us. 1t is debt Not to pay it is dishones
ty.-Rsv. FL. ". Beecher.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

ToAsr AND WATER The following toast
drank with cold water tastes pretty well to
Temperance people:
"rhe Health and Memory of the man that
chopped down the Trees, and cleared the land
that ploushed the ground that raised the corn
that fed the goose, that bore the quill. that
made the pen that wrote the pledge of total
abstinence from all intoxicating drinks"
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

Eg- BY the latest advices from Texas. we
have the account Of most brutal and ouira-
geous murder of Mexican, near Austin. He
was taken up secretly, and whipped mos bar
barously-then hung until he Was nearly
dead and afterwards cut down and shot He
died in a short time from the wounds and in
juries inflicted. Thsre is no punisbmsas too
severe for tho Psrpeirs,ors Of such IN sss
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

MR WALKER NOT aoINo.--It seems that
R, J. WALKER. Of Miss, has declined the y "a.
sion to China I, is presumed that the Gov
ernment could moi get steamer fsaf y for
him so soon as a minister ought to slD RI and.
IS be would not go except in a nab ,asl VA.
sci. he has concluded 10 decline. WIZ 20
be appointed n bis placss III the ~ "a
aspect Of sfsirs in China III in.s,or,sss q I.
a 6rst clasa man be sent mag
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24
Beauty.

Who can resist the softly sleadfast gaze
OF seaaty. aud her meek angelic smile,
Which draws Into itself the soul that PLAYS
Too near the sweetness Of that perfect guilr7
He who experience tells how love beirays
w N spare Fern tnsp lest the bolt recoii:
Bpl he whose hrar, as vet is fiucy-free
Will Judge lnure hsrshly, till he need th- plea
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

An old lady once said, that her idea of
great man, was IA man who is keerful OF his
clothes, don't drink spirits, kin read the Bible
without spelling the words. and kin eat cold
dinner on wash day, to save the women folks
the trouble of cooking
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

GOETHE ON THE ESoLIsH.-Is it their de.
riviation, or national education-w can tell ?
But it is fact that the English appear to
have the advantage of many other nations y
Whatever they are, they are always "com
plete" men. Sometimes they are Complete"
fools, grant you; but even their folly is a
folly of some substance and weight - Gothe's
Table Talk.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

PRIEST RIDDEN,-Rome as It appears from
census, contains population of l75.OoO d.
vided into fifty four parishes. and amongst
them twenty-nine bishops, one thousand two
hundred and eighty priests, two thousand aud
ninety monks and members of religious or
ders, one thousand six hundred and ninety
eight nuns.and Eve hundred and thirty seven
ecclesiastical pupils rlrf .r1r
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

AFFECTING INcIDENT-An incident Of the
most affecting and heart-rending character oC-
Cured at the inquest of the desolnte and i'll
starred stranger, Mary Cotter, who died Of
yellow fever, as one of The gentleman of the
jury informed u.s. from sheer aud absolute
negiect There was the corpse of the mother
pale and attenuated but still beautiful in death
"a child but three months old, was evident
Iy seeking for her "milkess Breast" the poor
father lay dying AT the foot of the corpse--
and yet that smile which is known but to in
fancy and angels was beamlng on the haby's
face! Suddenly it turned and with all the
earn-stness oi mature years, liked "A long AMI
steady gaze on H gentleman named Tyrrel.
Mr.. TyrreI was deeply affected; he took up
the infant and pressed it to his heart, and, With
the consent of the diving father, has adopted
the child as his oAn Nay he who feeds the
ravens OF the valley, and who has saii, - +
Ter ilte children to come unto me-" bless and
reward mn tor this charitable deed!-N o.
Courier, Sept, |.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

wThc Commissioners of Patents have
refused to grant an extension TO 8. Colt, Of
his patent for improved filearmshe pa,entees
having already derived nearly 100000
therefrom.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

Coon NATURE. females generally
die old maids. If girl, therefore, wishes to
taste the sweets which spring from love and
corduroy, let her go in training for Go"d ma
ture, sad become musical with gladness, like
June crowded with boboGnks.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

EEA lady sent to the Philadelphia Sun, a
man to borrow newspaper containing some
thing pretty and interesting. The fellow
wrapped himself up in paper aud toddled
off to see her.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24
VOLUME 1.
p l1ortrp. o {
A LAMENT.

=
T. X. HERvEr, is one Of the most graceful o
living English poets His works, which are no
numerous, without any pretensions to power or
are almost always beautiful, and can
not fail TO please readers of refined taste.
She sleeps that still and pleasant sleep,
For which the weary pant in vain,
And, where the dews ofevening weep,
! may not weep again.
o! never more upon her grave
Shall behold the wild flowers wave!
They laid her where the sun and moon
Looked on her tomb with loving eye;
And have heard the breeze Of June
Sw eep o'er it-like a sigh;
And the wild rivers wailing song
Grew dirge-like as it stole along
And have dreampt, in many dreams,
OF her who was a dream to met
And talked of her, by summer streams,
IN crowds, aud on the sea,
Till in my soul SHE was enshrned,
A young Egera Of the mind.
IT'S years ago!-and other eyes
Have flung their beauty o'er my youth;
And have hung on other sighs,
And sounds that seemed the truth:
And loved the music VIII ch they gavei
Like that which perished in the grave
And have left the cold and dead,
To minge with the living cold
Teere is weight around my head,
My heart is growing old:
o! for refuge and home
With thee, dead Ellen In thy tomb.
Age sits upon nv breast and brain,
My spirit fades efore its time,
But they are all thine own, again,
Lost partner Of their prime!
And thou art dearer in thy shroud
Than all the false and selfish crowd!
Rise gentle vision of the hourp
Which go like birds that come not back!
AND fling thy pale and funeral flowers
On Memory's wasted track
OG for the wings that made thee blest,
TO flee away and be at rest.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

Say have you seen what's his name, this
morning?"
Yes, saw him at what dye call ems
"Oh. was thingembom with him."
"Yes and he had his what dye call it in
his pocket"
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

Austria has increased her Indebtedness
since ls46 something like $l7o,O00 90, prin.
ciPally incurred in SURPRISING liberty in Hun,
gary and lilly.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

E%Tbe aggregate valuation of the real
and personal property in Michigan, as fixed
by the State Board of Equalization, is $780,
So2,474-nesrly four times as much as in
1851.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

EE"I've three cents left" said loater, "so
III buy paper with it's
"What paper will you buy ?" said friend
curious to learn the literary taste Of his &C.
quantance
"a paper oftobacco," replied the loafer.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

E% The telegraph reports further seizures
Of American vessels on the fishing grounds
Seven vessels are reported seized
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

%Er- -Goyenor BRIeos, Of Massachusstis.
hating accepted the appointment Of Judge Of
the Court of Common Pleas. in tbe'placs Of
Judge MERRicK. is the first Ex-Governor who
has ever been upon the bench in that State.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24
FREMONT JOURNAL:
NV. BOOTH, Editor and Publisher.

The JouRNAL,s pubshed every Saturday morn.
iig-OfIice In Buckland's Brick Bnilding-thifd
storyi Fremont, Sandusky county, Ohio.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

Our DEBT To SocIErY.-I. is part lev
cry mans duty to give the weight of his influ.
ence to the correction of every evil which in
tests society, for the protection which it gives
us. 1t is debt. Not to pay it is dishones-
ty.-Rsv. H. " Beecher.
Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-09-24

The goodness of God to mankind is no less
evinced by the chastisement with which he
corrects his children, than in the smiles of his
providence. for the Lord will not cast off for
ever, but though he cause grief. yet he will
have compassion according to the multitude OF
his mercies. BdLtou.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
NOBLY DONE.

Our readers will probably recollect an a-ti-
clio in our last paper, touching the question
of o Monument for boy whp was murdered
in Chicago. The Dem. Press OF Thnrsd Y
publishes a letter from Thomas B. Bryan ESQ
citizen of that city, who has SUBJ cribed one
hundred dollars towards the Monument. The
editorsays the question is ans Vered. We cory
the following part of MIR. Bryan's letter aud
recommend IFS perusal t. ooth Old and young.
Adrian Expositor.
Certainly no military ehhieffiiain whose brlli-
ant achevemnts arc the theme of studied culo-
GUM, and whose blood-boight honors give birth
TO iulsome aduaion, is half so worthy of a
marble spire as is our noble hero--the boy of
tender years, who dispite the persussions and
the threats of mercess ruffians refused to
steal, and persisted in refusing, and when the
alternative was offered him to stoal or 10 bo
drowned, ,hc stood erect in his MOI al majesty and
permitted himself to be plunged into watery
grave, prefering TO sacrifice his life rather than
has rirtue. In this real tragedy in human life
can we not immagine the youthful martyr with
determined voice and unfinching resolution,
addressed to his relentless murderers the words
of the great Dramatic:
.'There is no terror in your threats,
For am armed so strong in honesty,
That they pass by me as the idle wind
Which respect not A
CuciOly 'Hc WOIlu cbutdibo ino Ic-
cord of no loftier example of high-toned moral
bravery than that exhibited by this noble child
of God, who, ere this, has winged his flight 10
the mansions of the blessed. Be pleased to
receive the enclosed hundred dollars as my
contribution toward the erection ofthe propos-
ed monument. Most cordially do / unite with
You in desiring that this eminent example of
heroic honor may no: only be heraldod TO the
world, but also that it may be continually cher
ished aud revived in the memory ofour chill
dren, and our children's children. 1t behoves
US gentlemen in this money Lowing and money
making age, to hold high the standard of mo-
rality, and whilst other cities are graced with
towering obelisks and costly mansolums in hon
or of tho great, let Chicago erect a monument
still prouder yet 10 perpetuate the memory Of
the ittle boy ,rho chose TO die rather than steal"
Yours, with respect,
THos. b. BRYAN.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
CHAPTER FOURTH.

why, Lena you look like a ghost. An
hour ago your cheeks were red as roses.--
What is the matter my petite cousin?
Lena said nothing; and her face assumed a
deadlier hue, as she pointed to a single para
grabh.
They're found The bracelet; but I fear its
loss and our deception haze caused the death O
poor Mary Gree Nobody knows where she
is; we have been searching for her Two days.
and ha,e o como to the conclusion that she has
destroyed her life through fear and too great
sensitneness. My child what an awful lesson
is thisr
The evil counsellor kept silence. She dar-
ed not reply WHOM CHARGED with tempting her
to wear the bracelet, and then TO cover her
fault. In an hour Lena was ready and on her
way home Early in the morning she was
driving rapidly through thick woods. Tbs
sun slept red and warm on the wayside flowers.
The birds sang rs if they were singing the first
jubilee song of creation. Everything seeming
happy and holy but that one poung heart.
She had reached within a mile of her moth
er's house, when haggard face passed close
by the carriage. She knew it. II was poor
Mary's lover; and deathly faintness dimmed
her vision as on looking back she s W him
crouching forward and beating his forehead as
if in great agony aud utter despair.
Other voices were h ard and The tramp of
many feot. Aud they bore near the carriage
that Stacked in speed rs The mournful group
passed by, limp, dead body. 1t was poor
Mary; she bad prrsbed in the woods, victim
to angry suspicion, and a "harmiess ,ohite lie"
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27

1t was in her house-but it got dropped be-
tween the cushions on the sofa, she expects,
| and she's very glad she's found il, ma'am, for
Miss Lena felt so BAD
THAT poor child" was Mrs. Atleys's first ex-
clarnation, as she took the parcel mechanical
ly, and returning to her room, placed it on her
toilet table; I've almost broken her heart,
have sent her away dispairing, and shall nev-
er forgive myself
And had her own daughter deceived her
thus? The thought was death to her fond
hopes. She threw the bauble on her dressing
table; and sat down overwhelmed with distress.
Her first thought was to write TO Lena, her sec-
ond to inform poor Mary by letter, as speedil
as possible, and she hadj just seated herself for
the latter purpose, when a hurried knock star
tied her. and pale woman stood before her
exclaiming with startling voice and manner,
Mrs. At!ey, where have you sent my child?-
LIB heSfa WSs nsgsahnG om bsFdF sgFdF7snfs tell me that
she is gone-gone where? Tell me or / shall
go crazyp
Her distress was fearful, when she had lis
tened to Mrs. Alleys b.oken words of self ac
cusation. where shall / GO? where shall
end my poor child? Oh, Mrs. Alley hold
you responsible for tho life of my poor girl.
And she had such dread of the jail-and she
hadn't any courage at all! Where shall find
my poor child! Oh, Mary whore are you at
this hourl
1t is fearful thing to charge the innocent
unjustlv-to listen not 10 the prayers Of the
helpless-to judge with harshness those who
have none to plead their cause.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
FOUR CHAPTERS OF A WHITE LIE.
CHAPTER FIRST.

sHow unfortunate! Mamma writes me tina {
she canno, find her emerald bracelet. Now l
don't dare tell that | have lost it, as you re-
member did, returning from Mrs. Lacy's par
ty II is the last gift of my father, aud very
And Lena Atlcy threw the letter impatienty
down.
Its we'll you are here in New York replied
her queenIy cousin shakInz the heavy curls
from her shoulders, as she looked up unwilling
ly from her book what does aunt say?
'She wishes tn know it by mistake could
have brought it on, or it remember when
last saw il, and whore"
Easily answered, little simpleton Just tell,
in a general way. that you wonder at her for
thinking you careless as 10 bring il here,
and say that before you went to tho party,
you saw il fastened to the lnile' cushion in her
roon--you know you dressed there
Bot wort that be "a falsehood, alnostl urged
Lena tim dly.
"A fidde-stick YOU little puritan; where's
the liei You haven brought il to New York
have youi Yon did ZEE it on your mothers
toilet table, didn't YOU? You must learn to
distinguish between prudent way of getting
over a matter, and sheer ialsebood, you little
country bit of perfection
Lena seemed satisfied-shc could not brook
the sneer of her beautiful cousin-nor could
che bear the term puritanical. which her fash
ionablc New York Relatives styled her acts of
conscience. The letter was written, sealed,
and sent; but that night in the midst of splen-
did throDgs, LeDa's heart beat with shame for
the deed ut which conscience reb,lled
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
MALICIOUS Acr-GREAr DANGER AVOIDED

MALICIOUS Acr-GREAT DANGER AVOIDED.
AS the last train on the Middletown Branch
road last evening Friday, Sept. 81 was pass
ing over the road from Berlin To- East Berlin.
the engineer came in contact with an obstruc.
ton on the track. The train was not thrown
from the track, although tho rate of speed was
such that the ow-catcher was destroyed. II
was found on examination that the most cool
and systematic arrangement had been made
to throw the cars off and dostroy the lives of
tho passengers and those employed on the
train. Within the distance Of two miles there
was found six distractions or barbados. con-
sistng of large stumps and rocks braced and
strengthened m their positions BY rails taken
from the fence.-[ Hartford Times.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27

BY Z. L. BULwER.

When stars are in the quiet skies,
Then most pine for thee:
Bend on me thon thy tender eyes,
As stars look on the sea.
For thoughts, like waves that glide by night,
Are stillest when they shine;
Mine earthlylove lies hush'ed in light
Beneath the heaven Of thine.
There is an hour when angels keep
Familiar watch DER men;
When coarser souls are wrapp'd in sleep,
Sect spirit, meet me thenl
There Is al hour when holy dreams
Through slumber faire st glide,
And in that mystic hour IL seems
Thou should'st be by my side.
The thoughts of thee too sacred are
For daylight 5 common beam:
can but know thee as my star,
My angel and my dream!
When stars are in the quiet skies,
Then most pine for the; .r.s ----r-,,
nd - $500 sssy tcuucf clcsr
AS stars look on the sea- i'e .a $50
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
FOR SALE.

yINHE premises lately occupied by q L. * =.
Moore, at Gamblevile in the Township Of Somer-
set Said premises situated on the Chicago road.
~ the terminus of the Adrian aud Bean Creek Plank
Road, about "a miles from Adrian. On the premises
consisting Of about three Of land) there is
story frame Store % by 32 dwelling houses and
ana well of excellent water The premises will be
sold alto ether or divided to suit purchasers. For fur
ther particulars enquire of the subscriber either
ally by letter, at at Sommerset Hsdale. CO. Mich.
f.'lla - .H 7rHH JNO. MCKNIGHT.
r44f Assignee Of q. L. & w. s. Moore.
Somerset Jan. II, 1853. n33Otf
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
How sonly ON the bruised Heart.


How softly on the bruised heart, ....r n ~.
a word ofkindness falls, 9.. ,...........
And from the dry and parched soul,
The moistening tear-drop calls.
u, II they knew who walk the earth 9.t
Mid sorrow, grief and pain, Sol haf n q,
The power word of Kindness hath, f..- t,r.
'Twere paradise again! ~, ~.
The weakest and the poorest may saa sisf,
This simple pittance give, \. -,.-,.. y. -.
And bid delight to withered hearts,
Return again and live. ~ vt 3.
o, what is life, If life be lost ni 1dfHe o'
% IL mans unknd to man; n, 9tf 8f fn9
Or what the Heaven that waits beyond us
This brief and mortal span. :. .'.....
As stars upon the tranquil sea, reas.
In mimic glory shine, ro t.i.r
So words Of kindness in the heart
Reflect their source divine:
., then, be kind, who'er thou art.
< That breathest mortal breath, = agQll
And it shall tighten all thy life, ysHi .nser
And sweeten even death. ~. -
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
MARBLE FACTORY.

THE subscriber being located ut this village in the
Gothic Shop the fret door Of Cases cabinet shop
is prepared TO NIL orders that may be desired Please
call before purchasing elsewhere. 2
q. HUTCHINS.
nJEnquirc Of ID. w. @. Peck, Agent at Hillsdsle
q Jonesville. day I. 1889 1i1 p355yl
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27

&C. Tho Catholic Brethren in New Orleans
numbering some twelve or fifteen teachers,
having in charge tho four Catholic schn'ls of
that city, have all died If that terrible disease,
tho yellow fever.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
FOR sALE--A yALUABLEFARM

IA Eligibly situated. near the Village Of ILLS
&4M dale, consisting OF hundred and sixty
IssssNis acres Of Land. eighty Of which are well
lIDit 3 improved and the balance we'll timbered
aAE3& The soil is excellent. sndabundatly sup
piled vita living There is also the q emses
large and commodious Dwelling House. recently
reced and has all the OF first class
iatlishmen with good variety Of rruit and Ornsmen
ta Tsees and Sbrubbery.
For fur her particulars, enquire OF z. II. O. VII.
SON. Esq Of Hilsdae Of the subscriber ihe prem.
ises SAMUEL VIII SON..
Hisdefe Aupust OH 1859 n358tf
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27

WoRTH REMEMBERING.-Rev DIR. Jackson,
a clergyman Of Vermont. in parting with a
daughter, who had been married, said, 81 want
you to remember this one thing: all you can
get out Of life, is usefulness ss
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-09-27
CHAPTER THIRD.

Mrs. Lacks compliments, ma'am; and here
10 your bracelet Miss Lena wore. She heard
she had lost IL, ma'am but hadn't no idea that