The Minnesota pioneer. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn. Territory) 1849-1855, 1853-12-22
Queer Epistle from Minnesota.

The following letter, though somewhat old, viii he
new to most of our readers. 1t addressed that
good fellow, 4" PORTER" Of the Z" New York Spir-
it ofthe Times'' 1t is take Off on those wise
acres who know nothing and ,cA not lear, anything
but what Is derogatory to our people and Te,ro
ry, and possesses the peculiar humorous vein
sionally indulged in by the writer. W. BoSr, Esq
FoKT RIPLEY, APRIL 20th, 1853.
Dsnr Spun''-I have Just been reading few
late copies OF your mrth-inspirna Journal and hav-
ing laughed away the cobwebs that had gathered
through my dull and heavy brain, and wove their
wicker-work around my unexpaDded lungs, during a
long spell ol most execrabc weather, feel an excel
lent writing mood, and now, the clouds are scat
terIng and ccai ing away from troubled and weep
ing skies, and the sun once more pours down his
waTHl, enlivening beams upon us--and my feel
inss brighten, too, and warming up In company
with thcm--suppose not only q drop YOU n line or
two but whole following sheet fun, of" fun, fact
and fancy, traced with running hand and got up in
usual western rough and tumble mcuner,
And firstly, do you know anything at all, about the
situation OF this g Neck of w oods, - and prairie, too
or of the intellectual, mora and physical condition
G. It's people--white, half breed, and Indian-cyi-
lized, sem'-civillzed, and savage! II you do not
oh! then, Spirit" of my soul, but thou art ignorant
and II so. let me hasten TO enlighten YOU.
Well, not absolutely to 'the west ofsun down"
up here, as some of writers represent MS, but
the ry pail of civilization that YOU sometimes
read about and is with pleasure that send this to
you Of the hoops thereupon, TO bind Us, as
it were, more closely to the Z" Sotrt', and the .PoR-
TER" which the enactment Of the Z" Liquor Law"
inter, will have tendency to cut us of from.
$50 mote it be- as Dow JR." here would sav.
Well, to proceed. Weare great peaple out here
IN Minnesota; we are indeed, and No mistake. We
are minus nothing worth having, whether it be fun,
H..
sporting people, and all your readers ought to be here
TO see us perform while. We have been riding
around all winter in dog trains, like Canadians, and
flying about on sedges aad jumpers harressed to elk
and deer, like Laplanders. We feel Greenlandish
and our stomaches longing constantly for such
hyperbcrean delcaces as irain-oi, bliiher, seal v
er, SC; aud can myself eat more than aay Esqui-
marx that could be scared up along the whole Arc
tic coast. II you don't believe il, Just send your
biggest gormandizer. from Paagonian 4 Russian
bear (even Nicholas himself that hungry man, and
don't drink my two quarts of whae-oil, and eat
my hve pounds OF blubber, to his one, at single
breakfast then you can jus, take my pile, and hat.
too for that matter, as we don't intend to wear
peruous articels out here much longer And then at
night visions of EsquimanN and Icelanders, white fox
es and red snow, haunt dreams while breath
freezes the bed clothes tight around us and we have
to have fire made before get up. The mer-
curry freezes solid that they shoot ball, made of
quicksilver instead of lead
In the way Of internal improvements, we have a
good plank road from ST. Paul to Oregon, right
across the Rocky Mountains along straight line, in
latitude 80 deg and it would 90 further if it were
not for the mil-pond out there called the Pacific
Ocean. Then we have daily trains Of running
10 Hudson Bay, tid Sek,k Settlement, Fort York,
&C.. which carry enormous LOADS Of freight and passen
gers at very reasonable rates. A party who have
been searching for Sir John Franklin, all along the
Arctic coast, for two years past, lately returned by
tna md hat hoy al find
Sir John. The more's the pity they didn't. The
travelling time is Just four days--,he distance, ,250
mes-snd the fare only $50, and found, with good
wigwams on the way. Dog cheap at half the
price Extra trains provided for large parties Of
pleasure travellers, which warranted 10 "go
through by daylight" and +" not to Gu, the eye"
They go through ike whols box Of Brandeths
Pills, '' desc from two to twenty for sale by all the
ST. Paul Druggists. The locomotives run like
streak Of chain lightning, the boilers being forged by
s. Vulcan" while his old spouse Vfn~s" and Mars"
and the '' aurora Boz edis ghi up the track night;
and old - Boreais'' the rude rough king, by
orders of his deputy clerk, who writes you this,
and assisted By all the Naiads and Ghouls" and
Z" Faries" help to blow along the flying trains.
Then, too, we have five newspapers, the editors OF
which are sons of those same iuries, and keep up
regular telegraphic correspondence withe kamscha-
ka 90 Gazette" Behring's Straits and they do
say they even get dispatch occasionally from the
lower regions, which is the third House Of Minncso-
ia, and is always filled with goodly number Of the
lobby members of the Territory. The dispatches in
the absence of the - Old Boy himself, generally
forwarded by the ferrymsn across the River Styx,
who, it is said, has quit his legitimate business in
disgust, since the people here have all got ferry
charters, and going TO compete with him.
Then, again, railroads are 10 be built all around
us every where and to connect with every body.
True, have no balloons flying through The air with
an empty headed fool in basket follow ing after them
but we have got gas enough ill all the alIoons
that oated aud for all other purposes to supply
the Union. 1t flows, too, spontaneously, like the pro-
ducts Of the soil, which spring up and grow without
the least cultivation. We have steamboats, running
here from everywhere dowe the Ohio and Missssip-
pi, and if you choose to this way, any OF the
Captains will chalk your hat and be obliged to
you for coming. Then we have boat is a 5oa.
ono which you might call toatee, called the Cover