The Belmont chronicle, and farmers, mechanics and manufacturers advocate. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1848-1855, 1853-05-06
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OS-A resident of western town, COM
planning that he could not sleep one night,
summed up the causes: A waling baby OF
seventeen days-dog bowling under the win
dow--cat fight in the ailey-a colored bali in
the shanty over the way--tooth ache-and
pig trying to get in at the back door.
A Coon OYE.-In the u. S. Senate last
week, an Indiana man twitted Clark of Rhode
Island, about the Governor of that State hav-
9 ing so poor q salary that he was obliged to
raise cows and pedde milk. Clark reioined
that while in Rhode Island they raised their
calves and sold their milk, in Indiana they
raised their calves and sometimes sent them
to Congress. The Indiana man sat down
pretty well Skinned.
"Wonderful things are done nowadays"
said Mr.. Timmins; sthe doctor has given
Flack's boy new lip from his cheek" "Ah,"
said the lady, "mnny's the time have known
pair taken from mine, and no very painful
operation either"
JUDICIAL WRIT is told Of Lord Norbury
that when passing sentence of death upon
man for stealing a watch, he said to the cul-
prt:
"My good fellow you made grasp at time
but caught eternity"
A lad day or two since, was called to the
witness stand in the Common Pleas Court,
whose tender years raised doubts as to his
competency as witness, by not understand
ing the nature and obligations of an oath.
The first question put was, "Are you son
of the plaintil!'
The little fellow, crossing his legs, and
putting about half Il paper of "Lilinthal' in
his mouth, with the utmost sang froid replied:
"Well, it's 50 reported" He etestifed - CleUe.
land Her.
A NEGRo's PRAyER.-An old negro re-
turning one night from dancing frolic, when
crossing the river, lost both his oars. and came
near being swamped Determined to do what
he had never done before, he dropped on his
knees and exclaimed, "Oh, Massa Lord! if
eber gwine to help old Ira, now is de timc!'
Tom - bought gallon OF Otard last
week to take home, and by way of label
wrote his name upon card, which happened
to be the seven OF clubs, and tied it to the
handle. Alderman E. - coming along and
observing the jug, quietly remarked.
THAT'S an awful careless way to leave that
liquor"
"Why sol" said Tom.
"Why! Because somebody might come
along with tie eight spot and take it!'
SHERIDAN KNOWLES "A new unccdote o
this eminent artist is in circulation; 81 wish, ;
said lady to him on one occasion, 81 could
speak on behalf of my sex, and thank you as
you deserve for the way in which you have
drawn u.s." "What else could have done
my dear madam" said Know les, in his own
hearty way; "God bless you, painted them
as | found them" Indeed, the great theme
OF MIR. knowles's drama, is the noblcncss and
constancy Of woman.
One of the nentest retorts ever given, was
that which Erskinc met vita at the hands of
Sheridan. 1t appears that Lord Erskne de-
clared, at large party, in which Lady Err
sRnc and Mr.. Sheridan were present, "ihat n
wife was only 4 tin canister tied to ones
tnli." Upon which Sheridan presented Lady
Erskine with the following lines:
"Lord Erskinc, ut woman pretending to rnil,
Calls vile "A lin canister tied to ones in
And the fair Lady Anne, while the subject cnrres on,
Seems hurt mt his orlshlp's degrading comparison,
But Wherefore drgrndinu' con.ilor uriuhi,
A canst,r polished and beautiful and bright,
And should dirt is original purity hide,
That's the fault oIthe puppy To whom it is tied"
REBUs to kiss one again, Omnibus to kiss
them all; BlundcrbuS, to kiss the wrong lady;
SWa (y) dus, one lady kissing another Pu-
ri1lS, to kiss great many.
Why is four quart jug like woman's
side saddle! Because it holds gaiL-on.
A western editor says, if contemporary
makes faces al his sister again, he may make
up his mind to wear u slice of court plaster
over his nose for the next three months. It
strikes us that this is only roundabout way
of saying that "the party of the second part"
must look out for what vulgar people term, 81
bat over the smeer.'
AN exchange says, the girls in Pennsyl-
vana are so hard up for husbands that they
sometimes take up with politicians and law
yers.