Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1853-08-18
VARIETY.


la.A shert tine since, traveller en- the
Aberdeen Railway, in popping out his head
atone efthe windows, had his hat carried Of
blythe wind.
Stop, step, guard r cried, bel stop the.
train till get my hat, or ! shall die with
Geld
You had better not replied the guard,
fer recolleet that at present ysu are travel
ling a. the rate Of Id per mile, and il ysu
die. ysu will be charged Is
The latter sum is the rate charged fer
corpses.
I t1z-The quickest way TO restore a. wife to
health, is to lei death step in and takes away
. husband In less than menth after
woman becomes widow, she performs feais
that would have really astonished the dear
departed While Jones was above the sod,
tho female Jones could net lug buach Of
radishes up stares, without causing demand
for Mysteries and asafatida pills and yet
Jones was not run into the ground week
before We 1met Mrs J. toting home three
pecks Of potatoes, quarter Of mutton, and
a shllling's wsrth Of cabbage. Great inven-
ten, that death For curing "a poor weak
thing Of the hypo and indigestion, we knew
ofnothing equal to ii.
~ A man who marries nowadays mar
.ries . great deal He not only. weds him.
self 10 q woman, bat laboratory Of chalk,
.quintal Of whalebsne, eight coffee bags, four
baskets Of novels, enc poodle dag-aad let
Of weak nerves that win kes1 Zant
girls and three doctors are use
the Whole time Whether III for
,-the powder Is l matter for de-
Gs- Hiram, my boy said tender father
10 his son, 'IyeR, must be, more careful Of
yourself You have not the constitution Of
some Don't you believe ii; I've get the
constitution Of a horse Dang it; If dent
believe I've got the constitution Of the Uni
ted States
m Some Of cur western rivers are 50
shallow that the pilot walks ahead at
night, and points out the way with can
die. During the dry season, water is so
scarce that alpailful wasted would check
tho commerce Of half dozen counties
Swimming in these parts must be limited.
~ Il was not Snssks wife whs "lsvsd
{ 10 make bread cause il cleaned her hands
90 beautifully nsr who wanted dark eel
ored tea set that ssweuld not show the Dirt
II is base. SANDER on Mrs Snook-aad We
are happy to record the fact
M 0stEiehes mus. be very cheap birds
Ito keep. These Al the Hippedrome live On
gun .fints and rusty nails. a fresh spike is
delicious morsel while an old hinge with
! little ell on il, islfought for with As much
earnestness Is pair Of aldermaa would ex-
hibit ever q bswl Of green. turtle.
~ Kissing, says the Boston Post Is all
The fashion ia Paraguay The ladies are
very pretty and amiablc also, for vixen they
hold NJ their faces for salute, they always
take cut their qhias Of tobacco, and deposit
them on the rim Of your hat.
-. Madame, said a cross-tempered ply
stefan to patients. if women where admitted
10 paradise their tongues would make it .
pargatury.' 81 nd some physicians, if allowed
to practice theres replied the lady, would
sosn make ii desert
M An editor GU. west has taken TO Wri.
siug poetry, Hear the man
We had sweet dreams the other night,
When al arauad was still
We dreamed We saw hest Of folks.
Pay up their printers bill
~ A pretty womanis like a great truth
or great happiness, and has ne more right
10 bundle herself up under green veil, or
any other similar abeminatisns, than the
sun has to put o. green spcctaoles.
~ Will yea have catsupf asked gen
tleman Of aunt Priscilla. at ! dinner table.
Dear me, ne 4 she replied, with shud-
.asr. ! I'm fond Of eats in their place but
,shsdld as seen think Of eating dsgsoup'
'Ceme, sonny, get up said an indal-
gent father to hopeful son the other mern-
ing; remember that the early bird catches
the 6rsl worms What do I care for worme
replied the hopeful Neither Hen't let ne
i ,gs fishing
Il III understand, said person 10 his
I nsighbors that you are becoming hard
orinker.'
II, That's Islander, replied the nsixhbor,
: Tor ne one can drink -c1sieri
1tems,a q the Cleveland Herald.
Il says he neyer reads the detailed virtues az
the dead upon their tombstone,. cam.
.mencing With ~here liss, bat be thinks. %
dos ne interruption
H. Why ismy apron like somethinr nm
pleasant T. eat 2 asked Eliza e her cousin
4 Fanny.
Hssen't the rsmotesl idea
Because i goes against ny stomach,
ttrlie1 Ellen
- a Gentlemau,'i il L 1nnouncsa q
-. 1ks prempily pays fer his neusp,per.'
Nks, truth ana simplicity Hou brief and
yoi kpn complete
ErIhs irst seAlleN-tsiled coai hat cid
6s1fb7 r5t Sc displeassa hin that - sisrctcl
~ i1;Is, and used i for t5otjick
IA correspondents inquiries Ih6n he
~ Il men win take pl.csl Alss, TIE d.