Monongalia mirror. [volume] (Morgantown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1855, 1853-06-04
The Joker's Port Folio.
AN Uneasy pREDICAMENT.

We WcEG tuC "itHSso -
dicrous incident which occurred in
this city few days since, for relating
which we crave the indulgence OF the
gentleman directly concerned-deem'
ing it too good q joke to be lost.
While sitting a. our desk and labor.
ling assiduously, with pen, scissors,
and paste, to make out readable pa
per for our patrons, we were sudden
! iy frightened from our propriety,' by
the has'y entrance ofa gentleman, ex-
claiming:
"For Gods sake, help me to sec
what's the matter I've got some
dreadful thing-scorpion or taran,ulu,
in thelcg ofmy pantaloons! Quick
quick-help mo?"
We instantly rose from our chair,
half frightened ourselves. Our friend
had broken in SO suddenly and unex-
pectedly upon us, and was SO Won
derfully agitatcd, that we knew not
whether he was indeed in his own
senses or not. We looked at him
with a sort of surprise mixed with
dread, and hardly knew whether to
speak with, or seize and confne him
for a madman. The latter we came
near attempting. There he stood.
quivering and pale, with one hand
tightly grasped upon part of his pan
falcons just in the hollow ofthe knee
"What's the matterl" asked we at
last.
"The ma,ter!" he exclaimed; "oh
help me,-Fve got something here
which just run up my leg! Some in.
fernal scorpion or lizard, | expect
Oh, l can't let go; I must hold it
Oh, there!" he shrieked, II felt it
move just then. Oh, these pants with
out straps-l'll never wear another
pair open at the bottom as long as |
live. All. l feel it again."
"Fecl what!' we inquired, stand
ing at the same time at a respectful
distance from the gentleman; for we
had Just been reading our Corpus
Christi correspondents letter about
snakes, lizards, and tarantulas, and
.hesan to imagine some deadly insect
Or reptile in the leg of our friends
Mmentfhnables, as they are some.
times called.
81 don'tknow what it is" answered
the gentleman; /" help me to see what
tits. ! was Just passing that pile of
rubbish there in front of your office,
and felt it dart up my leg as quick as
lightning, and he clencled his fist
more-tightly. Ifit had been the neck
of an anaconda, we believe he would
have squeezed tito jelly.
By this time two or three Of the
news.boys had come in; the clerks and
packing boys hearing the outcry,stop-
ped work, and editors and all hands
stood around the sufferer with looks Of
mingled sympathy and alarm.
"Bring chair, Fritz" said we,
and let tho gentleman be seated"
"Oh, can't sit," said the gentle.
man; 81 can't bend my knee!-i I
do, it will bite or sting me; no, no,
!, can't Sit" r
"Certainly you can Sit" said We
"kecp your leg straight out, and we'll
see what it is you have got"
Well, let me give it one more
hard squeeze; III crush it to death,
said he, and again he put the force of
an iron vice upon the Thing. lit had
anylife left, this last effort mast have
1killed it. He cautiously seated him.
self holding out his leg as still and
straightas a poker.
"A sharp knife was procured tho
pants were cut open carc!ully,making
ajholc,large enough to admit hand i;
the gentleman put on d thick glove,
and slowly inserted his hand, but he
discovered nothing. We wcro all
looking OH in almost breathless 81.
lence to sec tho monstrous thing
whatever it might be; each ready to
scamper out of harms way should it
be alive; when suddenly the gentle
man became. if possible, more agita-
ted than ever.
by heavens !" he exclaimed, "h RS
inside my drawers. It's alive, too ;
feel it-quick-give me the knife a.
j gain" q
Gno:;a..cr incision was made. Ii
went the gcntleman's gloved hand
once more, and 10 out camc his apjfs'I
stocking !"
! Eow the stocking ever got there ar
arc unass!hls to say; but there It Ger
tainly was, anu ant, s'nch q laugh that fol
lowed, we haven't head for many F;
day. ,,..,
Our friend, we know, has told ,".' ~
joke himself, and must pardon US for
doing SO. Though this is about a
stocking, wc assure our readers it is
no yara.-M o. Picayssc.
Small boys shouldn't, be allowed to
stand on their heads, or turn sa&'dust
ann :aaEn - a.i,. nraL,lcns i rush al