Washington telegraph., 1853-05-18
a Chapter on House Keeping,
BY FANNY FERN.


| never could see the reason why our
smart housc-keepers must, of necessity, be
Xantippes. [ once had the misfortune to
be domes;icated during the summer months
with one of this genius.
[ should like to have seen the adventurous
spider that would have dared to ply his cum
ming traile in Mrs. CARROTS premises No
body was allowed to sleep after daylight be-
meath her roof Even her old rooster crowed
an hour earlier than the rest of the ncghbors.
$50 ahead was written on every broom
stick about the establishment
She gave her husband his breakfast, but
toned him up in his overcoat, and put him
out of the front door with his face towards
the store, in less time than I have taken to
tell it Then she snatches up the six little
CARROTS, and scrubs their faces up and down,
without regard to feelings or pug noses, till
they shine like row of milk pans.
CLEAR the track was her motto on
washing and ironing days She never drew
long breath till the wash tubs were turned
bottom upwards again, and every article of
wearing apparel sprinkled, folded, ironed
and replaced on the backs of their respective
owners. 1t gave me stitch in the side to
iJoi- at her
As to her ''clcanin days. | never had
under an apple tree in the orchard till she
was through. A whole platoon of soldiers
would not have frightened Inc so much as
that virago and her mop.
You should have seen her in her glory on
her baking days" her sleeves rolled up to
her armpits, and a long check apron, swath-
ed around her bolster-like figure, the great
ovens glowing, blazing and sparkling in
manner very suggestive TO a lazy sinner like
myself. The interminable row of creased
pie plates, the pans of Rough and Ready"
gingerbread and pots of pork and beans, in
an edifying state of progression and the i'm
mense embryo loaves of brown and wheat
bread. To the innocent inquiry, whether
she thought the latter would rise" she set
her shining arms akimbo, marched up with
in kissing distance of my face, cooked her
head one side and asked IF I thought she
looked like q acon1an to be tri)zcd uith by
a loaf Of brcad" The way settled down
in my slippers without reply, probably
convinced her that l was no lon ger skeptic-
al on that point.
Saturday evening was employed in wind
ing up everything that was unwound in the
house: the old entry clock included. From
that time till Monday morning. she devoted
to her husband and her Sabbathical exercises.
All l have to say is: it is hoped that she car
ried some of the fervor of her peculiar en-
ployments into those halcyon hours.
MoRE THAN HE BARGAINED FORA
sort of small magistrate in the neighborhood
of Smyrna has got into bad scrape, all on
account of locusts. This insect had been of
SO much annoyance last August, owing to
the eggs that it laid upon the grape vines,
that this magistrate took it upon himself to
offer reward of twenty-five cents pound
for all the eggs that the peasants might col
lect and bring to him. He had two or three
dollars in his treasury. and he thought if a
dozen pounds or so of eggs were removed
from the vines of his commune, he should do
agriculture service, and merit fatterins
notice from his superiors. The peasants
sailed forth in immense numbers, and in
three days laid at their magistrates feet
1850 pounds of locust's eggs. The poor
man was in for about $4,000, while some
thing like three dollars and sixpcnce was all
he had in his exchequer He repudated at
once, and said he should write TO Smyrna for
further Instructions What the Smyrnese
authorities will think proper to do under the
circumstances is yet unknown. The magis-
trate may be eggs-iled.