Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1853-06-23

SPEED vs. VITA party challenged an
ether, who was notorious for his speed Of
foot. to run a race Of aconsiderable distance
with him, simply STIMULATING that the cham
Mon of the foot course should carry ten
pounds weight Of any article his challenger
might choose to select IN all the pride of
well tested powers, the champion cried sdene'
TO the bargain when, 10, and behold his
opponent seIected-not only for the efFectu-
alimpediment but tho most grotesque adorn-,
ment Of his competitor-tel, pounds ueight
effall bLoca ladderst II is needless TO add,
the man With speed Of foot lost his wager to-
the man with speed Of wit
M A Kentucky traveller, dining at
large hotel in Albany. was annoyed BY the
showing of Of some of the members Of As
sembly, who kept calling each other from
their respective counties, after this fashion
- I'll thank the gentleman from Oneida
DC, dc. -WheTeupon the Kentuckian said
70 the huge darkee waiter, I'll thank the
gentleman from Africa for slice Of ham. -
This cooled of the fashion Of addressing the
gentleman:from--, -, and so, and SO.
~ A curiosity greater than any-eyer ex-
hibited here, has just been discovered by q
hitherto respectable inhabitant Of this city.
Its man that saw the saw that sawed the
pine plank that produced the dust BY which
. friend was enabled to spIank down the
dust He has been Gagged
~ shall die happy said an expiring
husbAnd 70 his wife who was weeping by his
bedside, If you viii only promise not to
marry the object Of my unceasing jealousy,
,ysur cousin Charles sMakoyourself quite
easysmy love, sobbed the expectant widow,
4 am engaged to his brother
Gr One Of the iAders Of the mares nest
has procured some grass from the path Of
rectitude
We fear this path must be sadly over.
greWu with grass; there ore so few who
travel 10 h
NJ Hearing physician remark that a
small blow would break the nose, our Jack
said
well, / dono bout that I've give my
nose many good blow, and I've never
broke il Jet
~ Il Is said that the Sadduces, who be
Heyed insheither angel or resurrection, wers
very rigorous in Furnishing infractions Of the
law No doubt oft. Such faith, or rath
or want Of faith, generally tenders peoPh
heartless and cruel
M The man too poor to take his county
paper was In town on Monday last Jefusa
lem, but he was soaked pat an expense
too. sufficient to pay aswhole year ssubscriE
tian to hisscounty paper.
~ Why, Jack, thought as how they
had done away With the eat in the Navy p
Well, 50 they have, old Salt Not they
/ found one in canister Of preserved pre-
visions only the day before yesterday
~ A sentimental chap in Rhode Island
intends % petition Congress, At its next SEES,
sion, for an appropriation to improve the
channels Of affection, 50 that henceforth the
course Of true love may run smooth
n Dew, Jr,, recommending marriage,
says. A goodwill IS the mostconstant and
faithful csmpanion you can possibly have by
your side while performing the journey Of
lifs-a deg isn't touch TO her.
n Mr.. Editoa--Ef dogs tale is kut
avf utterly, wood il interfeer with his low
cenoti6n
Not egsactly-it mite not effect Els kar.
rigs, but Ii wood intisrly stop his IFaggin.
H. Hello, I say, what did you say your
msdicine would cure = 20, it'll cure every
thing heal everything sAh, we'll, I'm
take bottle Maybe it'll heel my boots !;
tAey need il bad enoaghP
9 - Young ladies who faint on being spro-
1essd b, can Be restored to consciousness BY
just whispering in their ears that you we're
elly joking
- sammy Nhy don't your mother
mend thai rip il your trousers = Oh,
sees cope 70 the sowing circle, to makt
clothes fer peqe eiiid frr
- a elergym.n, being compl,;nes a. ~
11stzeE for drawing away lis psfish.p,,se,,
SUNDAY. made this reply iced your aoer
better. and tken they uoa't strayi
- Which tire letters If q. .l.b.S..
t,esihst posses1 she highest sttr;6n 80 &.
she character q Washinssoti =
r. VIA, uas The text ii sbur.b 4. +.
Cktl|,T. ~ dear / believe. f.,ks- 81,
l&,.s. l,,E ciass from tie lion ia. s,~.
~ Cabbage grows Wild in Sisiy. Il
IIi1 E.|<111tf b trte, ths isiIori II th,,
<..1-<I cs1 Afford to Be honest
~ he han thst isn'. air.id 81 thunier
~''||rI <sEirE Air ria
||. ma We ~. c<>rrt1 -. -.