The Davenport gazette. [volume] (Davenport, Scott Co., Iowa) 1841-185?, 1853-02-17
DON'T LAUGH.


A man burst blood-vessel upon an OIL
dinary exclamation, and never got over
till he got well, and he liked never to hav
got that even. What's the use Of laugh
ing There isn't sunshine nor moonshln
worth speaking Of in this world, they'f
all mixed up with storms and cas-
winds.
Doa't laugh; you know that all creation
is in trouble; you know this is good tor
nothing catch penny world, iull OF Peopi'
that cannot be trusted, and you may breai
your heart before any body'il love you io
nothing but yourself. Don't laugh-i
makes you uninteresting. What does
man look like with great aperture like
half moon in his face, minus eyes, al
mouth and ears, la donkey. On the con.
trary, look at your melancholy people
arn't their countenances stamped with ex.
preston? couldn't you read sermon on
their visages? don't you always pity 'em
and fee. sort Of sad whenever you're near
them.
Well that's sympathy, and you'll never
&c, il if you laugh, never. You may shake
your head, but don't shake your sides;
and remember constantly that there are
snakes and toads; and lizards and "lepers,
and all sorts Of poisonous reptiles,'' as an
old lady once significantly said, lei alone
lions and grasshoppers. Try to think Of
all your pains and perplexites; if you
hay'nt got any, that will soon bring them
on; always keep on hand an ejaculatory
string of oh's! and abs. and dear mes!
and unu,terable groans made utterabie-
and make Insignificant faces awfully sig
nlicant by frowns and wrinkles that's
the way TO be interesting.
Nothing is 90 vulgar as round face
rosy cheeks are country fed, and the sim
pest way 10 get rid OF them is not TO laugh.
Eat states by the cord; drink vinegar by
The barrel full, live in a pickle tub, and
consume chalk by the "piece' but don't
augh on the penalty OF long life and a
constitution absurdly strong. Don't get
Up till To- IN, you won't be tempted to laugh
after that time. If the cook smiles, dis
miss her; if the chambermsid giggles, cut
down her wages; if your husband has a
merry mood, 60 into Mysteries; nothing
sIl sober him quicker. Make no exertion
to talk modulate your voice to the tone Of
m exceedingly ''iight guitar In ihun
Ier.storm believe that every clap will break
N yoar devoted house, and scream at every
fash Of lightning. Whenever you see a
pretty baby, think what a sweet corpse II
would make, and tell its mother that sick
ness among infants is fatal this year; i,
would be deed of charity, and prepare
her-,o doctor it to death if it sneezes
Read over the columns of accidents, and
90 into all the details of horrd shipwrecks,
brutal murders, ETC., etc. Fill your mind
with the mos, terrible images preparatory
70 sleep, and you will never be in want of
matter for dreams. Recount your disap-
pointments at every convenient and incon-
venient opportunity, and never let it be
said YOU fail to regaIe your friends with .
dish of "symptoms" done brown. Never
enter a railroad car without the firm con
viction that there will be a smash up before
you arrive at your journeys end; never
leave home without feeling certain that
somebody will die before you come back a.
gain, and look upon all your blessings as
thorns in the flesh.
By following these few and simple rules,
YOU will learn to avoid that PARTICULAR,
rude and ungenteeI ebul'ition Of feeling
which is called laughing, and you will g"
down TO your grave like cob upon which
all the corn is w,hered-it being unfash
ion able now to wal, till the shock is fully
ripened. d.-Somersen Herald.