, 1853-06-25
VAO09 go


boys, fat babies, fat purses, fat list Of sub
scrbers, fat job, fat advertisers, tnt evory-
Thing. Fatness is big sign Of big health.
Fat men are never treacherous, fat women
arc very SHARP. tongucd, fat boys are not
mschievous, fat babies are always good IN
fine, fat people are the kindest, and there
fore the most popular. Commend US to fat
people.
AN AmERIcAs EDIroRrAL.-A newsPa-
per may be destroyed at night, It may light
cigar, or it may curl lady's hair. All =
only think of that, girls An EDITORS ideas
completely sweetly, and eIquiGilely wreath
I'd in your rich treSses, Hnd-yes, and nest
ling down with you in your midnight slum-
befs, to gently guard and peacefully keep
watch over your dreams. Jerusalem who
would not be an editor.
A woman who passes through life with
out marrying, is like tair mansion left by
the builder unfinished The half that is
completed ruus to decay from neglect, or
becomes at best but sorry tenement, want
ing the addition OF that which makes the
whole useful. Your old maid is only the
moety Of woman a sort Of garnlsh for
dish, or prologue to play; bow, with
out the FIDDLER.
PUxcruArIoN.-As stranger in a print
ing Office asked the youngest apprentice
what was his rule for punctuation, who re-
piled, " set up as long as can hold my
breath, then put in comma; when cape
insert semicolon and when / want
chaw of tobacco make . paragraph"
A CAusE.-"Can you tell me, Billy,
how it is that chaniieleer always keeps hi
feathers so sleek and smooth :" "No."s
"Wsll, Pll tell you. He always carries his
comb with him"
An lliIh servant who plumed herself upon
being employed in I'genteel family was
asked the definition of the term. Where
they have two or three kinds Of wine, and
the gentleman swears, was the highly sat
iSfactOry reply.
Ifyou want favor Of a married woman
brag ofsher baby. If you want to obtain
her eternal snmity, let her turn FOUND and
catch you making mouths at it.
Philosophers say that shutting the eyes
makes the sense Of hearing more acute. A
wag suggests that this accounts for the ma
ny,closed eyes that arc seen in our churches
on Sunday.
QUEER.-Some odd genius has fixed the
following item Two gentlemen each have
daughter; each marries the daughter Of
the other if children arise from the union
on both sides, what relation would they be
to each other!
What is the feminine of Hero asked a
pcdagogue Of a young hopeful. SAero |!
was the prompt answer, which took The do.
mimic all aback.
Miss, will you take my armP La yes,
and you too y Can spare but the arm,
Miss hastily replied the bachelor. Then
said Miss, can't take it, % my motto is,
TO go the whole hog, or mono at all"
think, said farmer, should make
good Parliament man, for l use their Ian
guage. Ireceiyed two bills the other day,
with requests for immediate payment the
first ordered to be laid on the table-the
other to be read that day 'iX months.
A dabbler in literature and the fine arts,
who prided himself on his knowledge and
proper use Of the English language, Came
upon youngster sitting on the bank Of
fish pond, angling for sinners, and thus ad-
dressed him =" Adolescens, art thou not
endeaVoring 10 enlice the fnny race to en-
gulph into their dentieulated mouths bar.
bed hook, upon whose point is affixed a
dainty allurement!" !" "No," said the boy,
I'm 6shin'."
Fenelen observed TO priest who was
complaining to him of the dances of the
peasantry, My friend, neither you nor my
self need 10 dance, we can be happy in our
own way, but if dancing makes these poor
people happy who have 90 few enjOyments,
why should they not dance; ?
Bulwer makes one of his characters di-
vide the human family into classes, those
who are wise, and those who are not. This
is equal 10 the French quaek doctor, who
divided all diseases into Two classes, viz =
OF one you die, Of the other you don t !"
This reminds US Of the man who could
only recognize twy tunes, one of which was
Old Hundred and the other wasn't.
Two loafers mel, and passed the compli.
ments of the season Jhn,' said one,
shave you seen Hall, he's looking for you,'
Hall, what Hall 9 was Jm's answer.
'Why, Alco-hall, you fool
'Pshaw,' responded jim, that's po)l
sell, and you wouldn't have caught me if !
hadn't been hurt last night when John Trip
ped me up
John who p said Jim.
Demijohn, you numscuIl.'
The New York Herald suggests that the
spiritual rapperS elucidate ihc. following
points in history:
How much it cost to build the pyramids,
What became Of the ark after the food,