Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1853-12-30
Turnpike ard Divorce.

One winter there came to Trenton two men named
Smith and Jones, who had both ofthem designs upon
he legislature. Jones had bad wife and was in
love with woman he wished to be divorced from
III: bad wife 50 that he might marry the pretty wo-
man, who by tn" way was widow, with black eyes
andsuch bust Therefore Jones came to Trent on 10
gel a divorces.
Smith had good wife, plump as a tortoise, good
as an angel, ADD the mother of len children and
Smith di! not want 10 get divorced, hut dii want to
get turnpike plank road from Pigs RIM 10 Ter
rapin Hollow. Well, hey with these different er
rands came TO Trenton. and addressed the assembled
wisdom with The usual arguments, 1st, suppers main
~ composed OF oysters, with rich back ground of
Venison 3D. lquidsin great plenty, from Jersey light
nlng. "a kind OF locomotive al full speed reduced to
liquid ~hape) TO Newark Champagne To sneak in
plain terms Jones, The divorce man. gave a champagne
supper and Smhh the turnpike man, followed on with
champagne breakfast.
UnGer the modifying influence of :hese arnlianc.s
The assembled wisdom passed the divorce and turn.
pike bills and Jones and Smith (each with COW
OF his hll IN his pocket, )Went home rejoicing over
miles al Sand ana through the tribulalion Of many
stage coaches. Smith arrived home the next eyenino
and as he sal down in the paror, lis loving wife be-
side bin, how pretty she did look and five of his
children asleep overhead the Other five studying their
lessons in 1he corner of the room Smith was Induced
TO eXpatiale upon the good results Of his mission to
Trenton.
A turnpike my dear-I am ona of the directorx
and will he President; it will set us up love- we can
send the children 10 boarding school, and live in
style out Of the toll. Here is the charter honey
Let me see it, said the pleased wife who was
one OF the incest of women with pumpness and good.
ness dimpled all over her face Let me see if " and
she leaned over Smiths shoulder pressing her arm
upon his own as she looked at the parchment Rn-
all at once Smiths face grew long Smiths visarq
grew dark Smith was not at all profane but now he
ripped All awn oath "d-n, wife those internal
scoun -drels ct Trenton hare djvorced us o'
1t too true. The uarchmant ,rh;oh h. ia
was bill of divorce, in which The name of Smith and
Smih,s wife appeared in lIighlfully lesib,e letters
Mrs Smith wiped her eyes with the cor. or Of he,
apron: " Here's Turnpike" she said sadv and with
The whole ten children staring her in the face, 81
Amt your wife !? Here's Turnpike /,
" DIN the Turnpike, and The Legislature and rho
- - 80 "nN ''ie
Well the fact is. that Smith, reduced % snple HES
sedness " enacted" into a stranger 10 his own wife
Swore awtnlly. Although The night was dark. and
most OF The denizens of Smiths village had gone f.
ned smith babe his wife put on her bonnet and arm
IN arm they proceeded 10 the house of clergyman nj
their church q ana" VI
Goodness bless me j. exclaimed the mild oood
man, as he saw them enter Smith looking ;ka The
is1 June Shao anu Mrs. Smith wiping her ewes with
the corner of her apron Goodness HESS me- 49,,
the matter - 80
off, said Smith u' wv fish'
Marry you p calculated the clergyman. with
expanded fingers ''ase you drunk or crawl,
amt crazy, and | wish | was drnnk s.;d
Smith despairingiy The fact is brother Good Win
That some seoundrels at Trenton unbeknown r.
me- ana at dead of night, have divorced me from
my "iIe' the mother OF nine children !"