The weekly Placer herald., 1853-04-30
NUMBER SO.
Fanny Fern on Matrimony.

| Shouldn't like to make a bonfire of all
the ''sHints. to, Young Wives" Married d.
Woman's Friend," &c., and throw in the
authors after them. have little neigh
bor who believes all they tell her is gos-
pei truth, and lives up to it. The minute
she sees her husband coming up the street
she makes fol, the door, as if she hadn't
another minute 10 live, stands in the entry
with her teeth chattering in her head, un- 4
til he gets all his coats and mufiers, and
overshoes and what do you cal'em off,
then chase around Oikc a cat ia a ft) af-
ter the boot jack, warns his slippers and
puts 'em on and disIocates her wrist with
carving at the table for fear it should tire
him. aH s9 3
| Poor little innocent fool! She imagines r,
that's the way to preserve his affections.
Preserve a fiddlestick The consequence
is he's sick of the sight of her, snubs her
when she asks him question, after he's
eaten her good dinner, takes himself off
as fast as possible, bearing in mind the
old proverb, that too much of good
thing is good for nothing
Now the truth is just this, and wish
all the women on earth had but one ear %,
in common, SO that could pour this little
bit of gospel into 1t. Just as long as a
man isn't quite SO sure as if he knew GER
tain, whether nothing on earth would ever
disturb your affection for him, he's your
humble servant; but the very moment he
finds (or thinks he ,loes,) he has possess af
sion Of every inch of your heart, and no
ne eutral territory-he will turn on his heel,
and march off, wIlstling Yankee Doodle.
Now, it is no use taking your pocket
handkerchief and go sniveling round the j
house with pink nose and red eyes--not
bit of it, You have made the interest
ing discovery that you were married to
make sort of upper servant or house,
keeper, and to keep all his strings and
buttons and straps on; and then keep him
at a distance, as house keeper should
them's my sentiments! hay e seen one
or two men in my life who conld bear to
be loved Gas Il woman with soul knows
how,) without being spoiled by it, or con
verted into a tyrant; but they are, rare
birds, and should be caught, stuffed, and
sent to Barnum. Now, as the ministers
say, Pll close with an interesting incident
that came under my own observation. ,fg
Mr.. Fern came home one day when
had such a crucifyilig headache that |
couldn't tell whether'l was married or
single, and threw an old coat into my lap
to mend. Well, | tied a wet bandage
over my forehead, and set down to it; he
might as well asked me to make him
new one! however lined the sleeves,
mended all the button holes, and sewed
on new buttons down the front and all
over the coat tail; when it finally occurred
to me, q believe it was suggestion of
Satan,) that the pocket might need mend
ing, so turned it inside out, and what do
you think found? Il loue letter from
his dress makerl dropped the coat, | q
dropped the work basket, dropped the
buttons, dropped the baby, Git was a FE-
MALE, and | thought it was just as well
to put her out of future misery, and then
hoped into a chair, in front of the
looking glass, and remarked to the young
woman | saw there, ''Fanny Fern, If
you--are--euer---s
founded -fool----- -again'--AND |
WASN'T. Olive Branch.