Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1853-12-05
THE Unin9enfEonaE Divorce.

Legislature are graphically described in
the following sketch:--
One winter there came TO Trenton,
New Jersey, two men named Smith and
Jones, who had both Of them designs
upon the Legislature. Jones had bad
lWife and was in love with a pretty wo-
iman-he wished to be divorced from the
bad wife, 50 that he might marry The
pretty woman, who by the BY, was d
widow, with black eyes, and such a
bust Therefore, Jones came 10 Tren-
ton for divorce. Smith had good
wife, plump as robin, good as an angel
land the mother of Ten children, and
Smith did not want to be divorced, but
did want TO get charter for a turnpike,
Ter plank road, 10 extend from Pigs Run
ito Terrapin Hollow. Well, Trey, with
these different errands, came 10 Trenton
land addressed The assembled wisdom
with the usual Arguments. Isl, suppers
mainly composed Of oysters, with a rich
back ground of steak and venison. %,
liquors in great plenty, from Jersey
lighting which is a kind Of locomo-
tive at full speed, reduced 10 liquor
Ishape-to Newark champagne. To
speak in plain prose, Jones, the divorce
man, gave champagne supper, and
Smith, the turnpike man, followed with
Ia champagne breakfast. Under the mol
Ilifying influence Of which, the assembled
wisdom passed both the divorce and
turnpike bills. and Jones and Smith-a
copy of each bill in parchments in their
pockets-went rejoicing home, over
miles Of sand and through the tribula-
Ition of many stage coaches. Smith ar
rived at home in the evening, and as he
sat down in his parlor, his pretty wife
beside him-how pretty she did look,
land five Of herschilGren asleep over head,
the other five studying their lessons in
1.-The corner of the room, Smith was in
fduced to expiate upon the good result
Iof his mission 10 Trenton.
"a turnpike, my dear. am one of
f'he directors, and aclN be president; it
will set us up, my love; we can send
the children TO boarding school, and live
lin style, out OF the toll. Here is the
,charter money"
"Let me see it, said the pretty wife.
who was one of the incest wives,
.plumptness and goodness dimpling all
lover her face, "let me see it )" and she
leaned over Smiths shoulder, pressing
her arm upon his own, as she looked al
the parchment. But all al once Smiths
yissage grew long. Smiths wife's Wis
Isage grew black. Smith was not pro-
fame, bat now he ripped out an awful
Ioath. "Blast it, wife, those lnferal
.scoundrels at Trenton have gone and d.
vorced us ~
It was too true. The parchment which
he held was bill CT divorce, in which
the name of Smith and Smiths wife APP
Ipeared in frightfully legibe letters
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the
corners Of her apron. "Here's turn
| pike y she said sadly, sand with the
whole ten Of our children staring me in
the face, ain't your wife +? Here's a
turnpike !"
"Blast the pike, and the legislature,
and -." Well, the facts that Smith
reduced 10 single blessedness, aud ZEN
acted into a stranger to his own wife,
swore dreadfully. Although the night
was dark, and most Of the denizens OF
Smiths village had gone 10 bed, Smith
! bid his late wife put on her bonnet, and
arm in arm they proceeded to the house
Of The clergyman Of their church.
Goodness bless me y exclaimed the
mild, good man, as he saw them enter
Smith looking like the very last shade
and Smiths wife wipirg her eyes with
the corner Of her apron. Goodness
bless me, What's the matter z"
The matter is, | want you to marry
Jus two right of, 7 replied Smith.
"hlarry you?" calculated the clergy
man, with expanded fingers and awful
eyes, "are you drunk or crazy -
! 81 amt crazy, ana wish / was
drunk said Smith desperately. "The
fact is, brother Goodwin, that some
scoundrels at Trenton, unbeknown 10
me, and at the dead of night, have. gone
and dix creed me from my own wife
she is the mother of-of-nine chill
!dren."
/ '.Ten," suggested Mrs. Smith, whe
was crying. "Here's turnpike !;
Well, the good minister seeing tho
state Of the case,--the Trenton parch-
ment was duly produced from the peck,
ct of the lugubrious Smith, married
them over straightway, and would not
take any fee; the fact is, grave as he
was, he dying to be alone, so that he
could give vent 10 a suppressed laugh
which was shaking him all over and
Smith and Smiths wife went ioyfully
home, and kissed every one of theil
ten children. The Smiths never knew
that their father and mother had been
made stranger to each other by legisla-
tive enactment.
i Meanwhile, and on the self-same
night, Jones returned to his native town
Burlington, | believe, and sought al once
the fine pair of black eyes which he
hoped shortly TO call his own. The
pretty widow sat OH the sofa, a white
kerchief tied carelessly about hei
round white throat, her black hair laid
Iin silky waves against each rosy cheek
divorce is the words cried Jones,
Iplayfully patting her double chin. '.rhe