The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1853-10-06

Inc old nan continued:
We'll, hard as | thort it'ud be to get a
wife. just think | knowed | had Sally
here, and she is, or was, as pretty as any
of them
Old Mrs. Wallis knitted convuIsively
and coughed slightly.
However, she never kissed me afore
we was married, and it was a long time
arter afore she did. The way of it was;
we had an old one.horned COW, mighty
onnery Ordinary lookln', old as the
nord star, and poor as black snake
One day | went out to the lot
Daddy, wouldn't tell that, said Lucy,
in persuasive tone.
Blame eff dot though--it's the truth,
and ef you don't keep STILL, III send
Tor Bozeman, to hold you quiet in the cor.
n r.
Lucy pouted a little, and was 81.
lent.
Yes went out TO the lot, and thar,
sure as life was my old oman swung to
The COW. and the old thing Ayn' round,
and cutting up all sorts Of shines! Ses /.
What the deuceare you up o,old 'oman?'
And with that she let go, and told me that
she was trying to practice kssin' on
old Cherry, and she thon, arter that.
she could make up her mind TO kiss
mel
Old man, you made that! I've heard
you tell it aiore--but yon made it, said
the old lady.
Well, well! told her, Squire, ses |,
come down to it now shut your eyes!
hold YOUR breath!--and upon that she
busSed me so you might heard it a
quarter OF mile, and Sence that, nobody's 8
had better kissin' than me! Now, that
was my first experience about bein' ugly,
arter | was grown, and it waren't bad,
neither!
the next time my uggly feeters came
itnto play, was in Mobile: was you ever
herel Greatest place on green yearth;
steamboats,, oysters, free niggers, furri.
ners, brick houses--that's the place!
| went down on flat boat from Wet.
umpky. with old John Todd. We had
a fust rate time oft till We got most to
Mobile, and the steamboats, would run so
close to US, tina. the sloShin' would pretty
nigh capsize US. They done it for devil.
ment. How old John cussed! but it done
no good. At last says |, Ill try 'em; ef
thar's any strength in cuSsing, III make
EN- ashamed! So the next one came along,
cavorting and snorting like it was gwine
right into US, and did pass in twenty feet.
| ris up on cotton bag, and ses TO the
crowd-and there was most almighty
one on the guards of the boat-ses |
You internal matchmaking, snorting
sons Of
'Afore could get any futher in my
cussin' The crowd gin the most tremen.
dous yearth. .shakin' howl that ever was
heard-and one feller, as they were
broadside with us, hollered out, It's the
old He ugly himself! Jeemimy! what a
MOUTH With that there was somethin
rained and ratified in our boat like hale,
only heavier; and me and old John pick
ed up level peck of buckhorn handled
knives
Old Mrs. Wallace looked TO heaven,
as appealing there tor the forgiveness
of some great sin her ugly conSort had
committed, but said nothing.
so lost nothin' by bein' ugly that
timel Arter got into Mobile, however, |
was bothered and pestereu by the people
stopn' in the street TO look at me--all
dirty and light wood smoked as | was
from bein' on the boat
i think Id cleaned up a little,' in.
terposed tidy Lucy.
Old oman amt you got marry cold
tater to choke thai gal with? Well they'd
look at me the hardest you ever SEEN
But l got ahead of my story. a few
days afore, thar had been boat bursted
and heap of people scalded and killed,
one way and another So at last went
into grocery and squad of people fol-
lowed me in, and one lowed says he, it's
one of the unfortunate sufferers by the
burstin of the Franklin and upon that
he axed me to drink with him, and as |
had my tumbler half way to my mouth,
he stopped me of a sudden
Beg your pardon, stranger-but,' ses
he.
'But-what? says |.
Just fla yotT mouth that acay again !
ses he.
l done it, just like | was guine to drink,
and l thought the whole of 'em would go
into fits they yelled and whooped like
gang of wolves. Finally, one of EN-
seS, don't make fun of the unfortunate
he's hardly got over bein blowed up yet.
Let's make up puss for him Then
they all throwed in and made me up five
dollars. AS the spokesman handed me
the change, he axed me, 'Whar did you
find Yourself after the 'splosion =?
In flat boat, ses !.
'How far from the Franklin ? ses he
'Why,' ses |, 4 never seen her but as
nigh as l can guess, it must have been,
from what they !ell me, nigh on to three
hundred and seuenty;fue mileS!' You
oughter seen that gang scatter. AS they
left ses one, 'N'S him! IT's THE UGLY
MAN OF ALL p-N Y. Dutchmaa.
A man about to be executed, pointed
In his comnanion who was swinging, ob