The Santa Fe weekly gazette. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.T. [i.e. N.M.]) 1851-1854, 1853-09-10
Curin' the Shakes.

sWhy, don't you know achoy Well
it's that are darn Professor Of mesmer-
ism; who cuts up all kinds of shines,
and bedizzens the people with his mon
key doin's an the gals with his fne.e-fed
fx-up's an slick ''store close" He can
raise the dead, they tell me, jump out of
his hide, play cards with the devil, and
swaller pair of tongsl" la.at
"You don't say 500" s, H
"Yes Ido-and he can make spip spar,
cut a feller's leg off with piece of sun
shine, and cures the measles for cent a
Dozen"
"Do tell"
Certainly But there he goes agin
see! say yeoY!-s'pose you trot
down here amongst this congregation,
and tell us little of your experience"
In obedience to this invitation, the
'Pretesser, along-legged, rec. headed fel-
Ter from the "Sucker Stait," came down
the Court House steps and mixed in with
"the boys who looked at him few
minits in silence, for they heard he car
ried 5 or 10 quarts of thunder in his hat.
After a while Tom Soop, the spunki.
est one of the bunch, took off his cap and
spoke;- nt
"Prefesser," sez he, II think yure mes
merism's a nice thing-dam eff | don't.
Now, I've got a tooth that wants exca-
vatin', and ef you'll get it out without
pullin', I'll give yen adollar, by thunder" :"
"Is it a molar or incisor?"
"Scissors be derned Its a buster =
got three prongs an inch long, and the
way it hunas is a caution to hornets"
"Well," sez the Professor, takin' off
his cote, 81 can extract it without pullin'.
easy entlemen Jest han me stone for
to knock it out
One of the boys picked up a brick
which they said would answer the same
purpose-but when our magnetic friend
turned about Tom Scoop was fast vanish
ing over the fields.
"Ha J" sez the Professor, "that feler
reminds me of a youngster cured Of fe-
yer 'nagur, only he don't travel half SO
spry."
"Tell us about that" sez the bows.
81 will" sez the Professor 'lt was
in Briar Swamp; old Squire Hitchcock
had a son who had catched the Shakes
the wust fashon-so he sed-and dun
nothin' but dance for sixteen munse!-
He'd jump out Of his boots-out of his
breeches s-into the fre-and one day he
came cussed near being fried to death !
We'll the old Squire heerd of my popular
way of curin' folks, so he sent for me to
come right off, or else his boy would
shake ont all hisribs went, and when
/ got there asked the old man to show
me the case. He sed he would. He
then took me up to the garret, and there
was a six-foot youth tied up in a bag,
and his jaws were rattlin' lik a barrel Of
clam-shells! He'd shook his teeth all
ont of his head, and both Of his knee
pans was missin. The boy stared at me
"Sez he-rm desperate,
"Sez I'm aware of that fact, and
I've come to cure you by the timesavin',
go ahead, double-extracted essence of
billed thunder an litenin'.
"Then he looked awfurwild, and his
hair stood up like pitchfork.
"When are you goin' to commence! I!
sez he. .t.a
"Direckly, sez |, so be easy till go
down stairs after the masheen, and | left,
"Now | had a awhoppin' big squirt-gun
it held about, three quarts and ! went in
to the kitchen and filled it with hot wa
ter. Up stairs went agin-the hull
family follerin' and the boy begun to
yell. While I'd been gone, he'd got out
Of the bag he was up in, an had crawled
in under the bed.
"Come out of there, sonny, sez !, at
the same time squirting a dose Of hot
water all over him, Or you'll get particu-
larly steamed, s0 .m :,
swell, he did come out-a yellin' like
mad -and made a lunge for the door.
after him-(squirt) -Oh, Lord l-Tm
scalded 2 ssz he--chased him down stairs
|--(squirt again Jumped over the fence
run him all over the orcharl--when he
leaped into big tree, and sed he scos
cured! s.g.N0
"When found my patient was well SO
quick, | went back to the house to inform
the old man Of my success. He thanked
me kindly, gave me v. and when we
both repaired to the spot, there the boy
sot up in the tree--well as ever and sed
he'd hoe tie pertatersl .9s 4.
1T was the wust case Of the Shakes,
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