The weekly Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1852-1855, 1853-05-26
SAVING" OUT A BORE;
PEOPLE THAT AN OLD JOKER HAS NET
BY FALcoKBRrDGE.

| III our peTeRIlHdtlOHo hIOuHu tuiS ouoiu-
nary sphere, in quest Of novelty, best pas
turage, &c., we frequently meet individuals
whose company is not half so pleasing or
useful as their space, if made void by their
absence. Carlyle, that old literary fogy,
says the United States contains about fl.
teen millions of bores! So that few OF US
can hope to escape tone of'em," once in a
while.
Professional men are the most subject to,
and yet the most i'll adapted to repel, the in
sidious invasions Of bores. II would be a
tedious difficulty to give graphic account of
the suffering endured by editors, through the
Iagency ofbores; but even the perambulating
!"show folks" are not without their trials and
1tribulations in this way.
Dodge, the inveterate punstcr, comlcal
"iat man," &c, gives the outlines OF real
clever satD he run into a confirmed and dis
gusting bore he met once, down in the Pine
Tree State.
Dodge had "lit down" in a small village
and put ou; his peppergrams to give con-
cert. This was the cure for the village bore
and every town, village, and place that
we have ever seen, has one, at least, and
whose vocation it is to lounge and loaf a.
round, poking his nasal protuberance into
everything but his own business, provided
such pest ever have any. The fellow read
Dodge's bills, eyed Dodge from head to foot,
and after satisfactory scrutiny of the jOker's
outward man, he watched favorable op-
portunity to have little discourse with
Dodge.
"Hellc, you are you the Snowman what's
gon' to show the consart here tomorrow
night?"
"Well, think of trying something of the
kind" said Dodge.
"Oh, ycou deu, eh? Wall, have yeou taken
eout your license!"
| "License! No, what do | want license
fort"
"Wall, guess yeou'll see, ,ef yeou sheow
yeour consart here afore yeou take eout the
license. feler kom long here year ago
last grass, with consart Of crockadiles, sar-
pints, and n calf with three heads. Wall,
he sheowed his consart, an then sneaked of
without payin' on his license, and Squire
Sharp sent me arter the feler next day, but
the consarned scamp cleared eout Nv the
keontry; and Squire Sharp tends to look
eout for showmen hereafter"
40, he does, Ell! Well you go to grass,
old cock, and tell the Squire to 60 along with
you, license and ALL"
Ofcourse, the bore retailed, with sundry
additions, all that Dodge had said, to the
Squire, and that worthy was riled up to q
desperate pitch, and he gave the bore COM
mission to watch Dodge's movements; if he
dared to shuw without his permission, they'd
snake him out of his boots!
Now it so fell out that the landlord of the
tavern Dodge was putting up at had been
rather shabbly treated by the "leller who
gave the consart of crockadilcs and sarpints," i"
| that individual having lodged both landlords
bill and the mt4h.a. by "ay by night" as
Shakespeare says. Hence, Boniiace was
| little suspicious of Dodge, especially as
Dodge had but few traps, over and above
guitar-box and large travelling valise. 80
the landlord and the bore joined issue, rs
they say in court and kept eyes on the"sheow
man."
Night came, and the landlords dining
room was jam full; and Dodge, feeling "nice'
kept the crowd in rours oflaughter, OCCASION
ally pitching in sentimental strain that
made the eyes of the fair domsels glisten
with the pearly drops Of woman's sympathy.
A fter the "sheow" was over, Dodge was no
little surprised, and less delighted, to find
that the constable OF the village was waiting
on him at the door, with warrant, for CIV
ing q show without license! Dodge tried
to reason the case, but no use; the more he
endeavored to logically demonstrate the fact
that "elocution and music" never came un-
der the head Of shoe, the more the astute
constable wouldn't listen; and nothing short
of Dodge stepping up to the 'Squire's office,
and planking down some fifteen or twenty
real dollars, inc and license compounded,
principal and interest, would do.
"I'll see you all continentally blessed, and
then WON'T" says Dodge.
"None ofyeour swearin," mister, or Squire
Sharp'll put yeou where the dogs won't bite
verso come right along"
No help for 1t, so away went Dodge and
the constable, with the bore right in their
wake. The old Squire put on his dignity,
but Dodge insisted on his overhauling his re-
vised Statutes, and.puinting out the clause
wherein giving concert Of vocal music was
set down as fineable, or subject to tax or H.
cense. Dudge's au fat manner Of laying
down the law rather took the kinks out oil
the old 'Squire's learned wig, and, as Dodge
observes, the more he reflected, the more he
kept thinking, until quite "gin eout" by the
intricacy Of the case. and lateness of the
hour, he remanded Dodge for another hear
ing, early next morning.
"Mister Gribb," says his worship to the
constable, you'll take charge Of the young
man until tomorrow mornin'; can't settle
this case to-night--it involves pint Of Law
that must consider on; fetch him over to-
morrow mornin', an III decide the case one
way or t'other. Young man, you can stay
at the tavern-Mr. Crib will sleep with
you, and you'll have to pay for the bed; tina
l know is the law!'
, Dodge hadn't another word to say; the
case was getting little interesting, and tht
inveterate began to like it by way of q
change.
The constable and Dodge returned to the
tavern, and Dodge engaged a doubble-bed
ded room, telling the constable, he did NO
care about having strange bedfellows, bu
would have no objections to two beds in .
room. Que of which he might occupy if ht
saw proper. r
The constable, the bore, and landlord hat
quite mysterious tete-tete. This over, thu
J, trio-Gripp, the constable, having invited
the bore to become his body guard and sleep
ing partner-started for the bed chamber.
But little was said; Dodge placed his va
lise and guitar-box--the largest kind of one
extant, at that--under the table by his bed
fumbled around until his guards were in bee
locked the door on The inside, blowed ou
the light, and popped into bed, and soon, t
appearances, slept like top, snoring i