Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-08-25
THE SICK BACHELOR.

Here am doomed msn-booked for a
fever, in this gloomy room, up four flights Of
stairs; nothing to look a. but one table, two
chairs, aud a cobweb; pulse racing like
locomotive; head lhrobbing as if it were
hooped with iron; mouth as parched as
lshmael's in the desert not a bell-rope
within reach ; sun pouring in through those
uncurtaIned windows, hot enough to SINCE
off my eye-Iasbes; all my confidential let
ters lying loose on the table, and couldn't
get up to them if you held one of Coils
revolvers to my head All my masculine
friends ~ are paradng Broadway, sup
pose, peeping under The pretty girls bon
nets, or drinking ''shetry coblers." A sher-
ry cobler! Baccus! what luxury. | be-
lieve Satan suggested the thought to me.
| Heigho ! suppose the Doctor whom
they have sent for) will come before long;
some great pompous Esculapius, with an
owl phiz, gold-hesded cane, an oracular
voice, and calous hear! and hands; who
will frs, manipulate my wrist, and then take
the latitude and Longitude Of my tongue;
then will punch me in the ribs, and torment
me with more questions than there are in
the Assembly's ca,echism; then he'll both
et me for writing materials, to scratch offa
hieroglyphic humbug prescription, ordering
five times as much medicine as ! need and
then shall have 10 pay for il; then ten TO
one, the apo,hecary's boy will pu, up poi
son by mistake! Caesar, how my head
spins round Hippodrome racing is moth
ing TO it.
HIST! there's the doctor. No! i, is ,ha,
little unregenerale cub, my landlady's pet
boy, with a bran new drum (as I'm sim
ner,) upon which he is beating a crucitying
tattoo. If only had a booljack TO throw
a. him. No! ,ha. won't do; bis mother
wouldn't make my Cruel. I'll bribe him
| with sixpence TO keep the peace. The
little embryo Jew he says he acont DO il
under quarter! Twi!ted by little pima
fore! l, Tom Halliday, six fee! in my stock
ings, shall 60 frantic.
"Doclor is coming" Well, le. him come.
I'm as savage ss if I'D just dined off cold
Missionary. I'll pretend 10 be asleep, and
let old PlIl-box experiment.
How gently he lreads how soft his hand
is: how cool and delicious his touch How,
tenderiy he parts my hair over my ,hrob--
bing temples! His magnetic touch thrills
every drop of blood in my veins: i! is mar
vellous how soothing it is. | feel as happy
as hummiug bird In lilly cup, drowsy
with honey-dew. Now he's moved away.
hear him wiring prescription. I'll jus.
take peep and see what he looks like -
Cesar Aggripina if it ISM! Female Ply
sician! dainty as Peli-and nly beard
three days old j.! What bust! (Wonder
how my hair looks , Wha, foot and an
kie! What shoulders; whata little round
waist! Fever? Pve 60. t1centy fevers, and
the heart complaint besides. Wha, the mis-
chief sent ,ha! little witch here She will
either kill or cure me, pretty quick.
| Wonder if she has any more masculine
patients? Wonder If they sre handsome
Wonder if she lays that little dimpled hand
on their foreheads, as she did on mine -
Now she has done wiring, I'll shu, my eyes
and groan, and then, may be, she will pet
me some more; bless her little soul!
She says, "poor fellow - as she holds my
wrist, "bs pulse is too quick" In the name
Of Cupid, what does she erpect9 She says,
as she pats my forehead with her little
plump fingers, "'Sh-'sh! Keep cool"
Lava and birthstone does she take me for
an iceberg?
Oh, Cupid of all your devices, this fem
mine doc,oring for bachelor, is The ne
plus ultra Of wilchcraft. If don't have
prolonged ''fun Of fever" my name isn't
Tom Halliday!
She's gone and-I'm gone, too!
! FANNY FERN.