Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1853-01-13

to be, is 10 prove that il is not.
FANNY FERN ON MATRIMoNY.-
"Shouldn't like to make bonfire Of
all the Hints TO Young Wives MAR
ried Woman's Friend,' &C., and
throw in the authors after them. |
have a little neighbor who believes
all they tell her is gospel truth, and
lives up to it. The minute she sees
her husband coming up the street. she
makes for the door, as if she hadn't
another minute to live, stands in the
entry with her teeth chattering in
her head, until he gets off his coats
and muff1ers, and overshoes, and
what do you call 'em of. then chase
around Qike cat in fly after the
boot jack; warns his slippers and
puts 'em on, and dislocates her wrist
carving at the table for fear il would
tire him.
Poor little innocent fool. She i'm
agines that's the way 10 preserve his
affections. Preserve fddlestickl--
The consequence is, he's sick OF the
sight Of her, snubs her when she asks
him a question, and after he's eaten
her good dinner, takes himself off as
soon as possible, bearing in mind the
ole proverb that too much of a good
thing is good for nothing.
Now the truth is just this, and /
wish all the women on the earth had
but one ear in common, so that |
could put this little bit of gospel into
if; just so long as man isn't quite as
sure as if he knew certain, whether
nothing on earth could ever disturb
your affection for him, he is your
humble servant, but the very second
he finds Tor thinks he does,) that he
has possession OF every inch OF your
heart, and no natural territory-he
will turn on his heel and march of,
whistling Yankee Doodle.
Now. it is no use 10 take your
pocket handkerchief and go snivel-
ling round the house. with a pink
nose and red eyes--not bit of it,
You have made the interesting dis
covery that you were married 10
make a sort OF upper servant or
housekeeper, keep all his strings and
buttons and straps on, and then keep
him at distance as a housekeeper
should--them's my sentiments. !
have seen one or two men in my lie
who could bear to be loved (as wo
man with soul knows howl with
out being spoiled by il, or converted
into a tyrant-but they are rare
birds, and should be caught, stuffed,
and sent to Barnum. Now, as the
ministers say, I'll close with an Incl
dent that came under my observa-
ton.
Mr.. Fern came home one day
when ] had such a crucilying head
ache that | couldn't ;ell whether +
was married or single, and threw an
old coat into my lap to mend. Well,
| tied wet bandage over my FORE
head, and sat down to 1.-THE might
as well have asked me TO make him a
new one. However, ! lined the
sleeves, mended all the button-holes,
and sewed on new buttons down the
front and all over the coat~tails--
when finally it occurred to me q be-
lieve IT. was suggestion of Satan)
that the pocket might need mending;
SO turned it inside out, and what do
you think foundl A love letter from
him to my dressmdkeri dropped the
coat, | dropped the work basket. II
droppsd the button,I dropped the
baby ct was FEMALE, and thought
it just as well to put her out OF fu-
ture misery and then | hoped into
a chair in front Of the looking-glass,
and remarked to the young woman ]
saw ihere--"Fanpv Fern-g-you
are = eUer-such-a- confounded
--fool--agaia--AND | wAss'Tr'
Boston Olive Branch. |