The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1853-12-20

named'Smiih and Jonos, who had bnth of then
designs upon the legislature. Jones had
bad wife and was in love with woman; h,
wished to be divorced from the bad wife 8,
that he might marry the pretty woman, who
by the way was a widow, with black eyes ant
such bust! Therefore Jones came to Tren
ton TO get a divorce. A etH
Smith had good wife, plump as tortoise
good as an angel. and tho mother Of ten chill
dren, and Smith did not want to get divorced
but did want to get turnpike or plank road
from Pigs Run to Terrapin Hollow. Well
they, with these different errands, came tc
Trenton. Rnd addressed the assembled wis
dom with the usual arguments. lst supper:
mainly composed OF oysters. with rich back
round of vension. 2d liquids in great plenty
IRON Jersey lightning, Ia kind of locomotive
at full speed reduced to liquid shape,) to New
ark Champaigne. To speak in plain terms
Jones the divorce maD,gave a champagne sup.
per, and Smith the turnpike man followed or
with champagne breakfast.
Under The modifying influences of these ap.
p'iances, the assembled wisdom passed the di.
vorce and turnpike bils and Jones and Smith
(cach with copy of his bill in his pocket
went home rejoicing. over miles of sand. and
through the iripulaton of many stage coaches.
Smith arrived home the next evening and as
he sat down in tho paror, his loving wife beside
him, how pretty she did look! and five of his
children asleep overhead, the other five study
ing their lessons in tho corner of the room
Smith was induced to expatate upon the good
results of his mission to Trenton.
"A turnpike my dear-l am ore Of the di-
rectors, and will be president; it will set us up.
love, we can send the children to boarding
school, and live in style out ofthe toll Here
is the charter, honey.
Let me see it, said the pleased wife, who
was one OF the incest of women, with plump
ness and goodness dimpled all over her face
Let mo see it, and she leaned over Smiths
shoulder, pressing her arm upon his own, as
she looked at the parchment But all at once
Smiths face grew long. Smiths wife's visago
grew dark. Smith was not profane. but now
he ripped forth an awful oath D. -,
wife, Those IN nferaai scoandrels at Trenton haze
diyorced us!
u was to true. The parchment which he
held was bill of diyorvce, in which The name
OF Smith and Smiths wife appeared in fright
fully legble letters. Mrs. Smith wiped her
eyes with the corner of her apron. Here's a
Turnpike, she said sadly with tho whole ten
children staring her in the face, Il amt your
wife! Here's turnpike!
Oh tho turnpike, and the legislature,
and tho! If ,- =
Well the fact is, that Smith. reduced to sin
gle blessedness, "cnacied' into stranger to
his own wife, sworo awfully. Althoug the
night was dark, and most of the denizens of
Smiths village had gone to bed, Smith bad his
late wife put on her bonnet, and arm i'm arm
they proceeded to the house of the clergyman
Of their church.
Goodness bless mep exclaimed tho mild
nOIt n.,t.'. hoe al, 81
ng like tho very last June shad. and Mrs
Smith wiping her eyes with the corner of her
'pron,'Goodness bless me. what's the natter
'The matter is. want you to marry us two
tight off, said Smith o1
Marry you! cjaculat ted the clergyman with
fingers. are you drunk or crazy:
\ amt crazy, and i wished was drunk said
Smith, despairingly. he fact is. brother
Goodwin, that some scoundrels ut Trenton.
inbeknown 10 me, and at dead of night. have
divorced me FROM ny wife, the mother ofnine
,hildrenp .U
Ten suggested Mrs Smith, who was cry
NO. Here's a turnpike!'
Well, the good minister seeing tho state ofI
he case, married them over again straightway
nd would not take a fee.
The fact is grave as no was 10 wss diving to
&c alone so that he could give vent to the sup
rossed laughter that was shaking him all over. |
And Smith and Smiths wife went home and
Used every one of their ton children. The
title Smiths never knew that their father and
mother had been made strangers by lcgisla-
i've enactment.
eturned to his town-Burington. I believe
nd sought that pair of black eyes which he
oped shortly to call his own. Tho pretty
,ldow sat by him on the sofa white handker- |
hlef tied careessly about her round white
hroat, her black hair laid in silky waves against
ach rosy cheek
Divorce is the word cried Jones plavfully
attng her cheek. This fact is, Eliza I'm rid |
that cursed woman. and you and I'll be mar
led to night. know how TO manage these
coundrels at Trenton. A champagne supper
or was il breakfastO did the business with
iem. But on your bonnet and things, and |
1t MS go to the preachers at once dearostr
The widow who was among widows as
caches are among apples, put on her bonnet
nd took Johns arm, and
just look how handsome it is put on parch-
lent, said jones, pulling the document from
is pocket and with much rustling, spread it
efore her. Here is tho law that says that
acob Jones and Anna Caroline Jones are two.
ook at it.. Putting her plump gloyed band
pom his shoulder she did look at it.
oh, dearI she said with her rose bud Inns
nd sank back half faintng on the sofa.
oh, bazes! cried Jones, and sank beside
er, rusilDg the fatal parchment in his hand
ere's lots of happiness and champagne sono
runv
1t was hard case. Instead of being di-
'rcod, and at liberty to marry the widow, ia
10 Jones was simply Incorporated into a turn.
kc company. and which made it worse. au
orized with his brothor directors to construct ,
turnpike from Burlington to Bristol When
Q reflect that Burlington and Bristol are loca- !
d only m lc apart on tho opposite sides of !
river, you will perceive tho extreme hope
ssness of Jones case.
It's all the fault ofthc ID turnpike man
10 gave em tho champaigne supper or was it !
eaktast? cried Jones in his agony. Ifthey'd
artered mo TO build turnpike from Pig sRun !,
Terrapin Hollow. might have borne il but :
0 very idea of building turnpike from Bur '
gton TO Bristol, bears an absurdity upon the :
It OF it. - ~ ~
so it did,
And you ain't divorcedy said Eliza, tear
ling down each cheek. :.
No hundred Jones, crushing his hat be- "