Washington sentinel., 1853-10-12
Missionary wooinp.

Moses Maypole havlng made repeated failures
at atbacksmithing ,stage-driving gandshoe-making,
and having discovered, at last, the bent of his
genius, presented himself before the "Board Of
Commissioners for Foreign Missions" as a can
didate for immortality via the palate of some
epicurean old heathen; and, thanks to a long
face, longer cloak, pumphandle figure, an
extraordinary high shirt-collar and pair of
green spectaces, he was accepted. With due
decorum, he received his public and private
: instructions:" was breakfasted and dinnered,
and tea-edat the houses of all the leading church
members and deacons, and became the content
ed owner of a huge sea-chest, stocked with the
illogical treatises, flannel shirts, penny tracts,
pot Of pomatum, a box of shaving soap, village
hymn books and some hard gingerbread "war-
ranted to keep in any latitude" ~
The "Flying Dolphin" lay at her wharf, wait
ing for proptious gale, when Moses bethought
him Of one little luxury with which he had
failed to provide himself, viz: a wife. This fore
ordained omission invested him with new in.
terest in the discerning eyes of "The Board"
who magnanmously gave him days grace, to
find Mrs. Maypole. Seizing his clerical carpet
bag icontaing clean dicky, some religious
newspapers and letters Of recommendation to
three "dyed-in-the-wool" orthodox families, our
Coelebs departed on his hymeneal researches.
His first call was at Deacon Jordan's. The
the fire were out; both of which considerations
induced Moses to decline accepting brother
Jordans invitation to "stay and chat over
church aifairsH-poor, unfortunate Nancy, losing,
in his departure, his first and last chance of
doubling the matrimonial Cape of Good Hope.
The next hour found Moses in the house of
brother Russet, who had o mortgaged farm and
five unmarried daughters. Under these cir
cumstances, he cordially extended to Moses
"the right hand of Fellowship" and signifed that
I" if he wished to take his pick of the girls" he
mr. Russet) twas agreeable" Moses made a
few general remarks in order to gain time to
peer over his green spectacles at the damsels,
and finally expressed wish to be left solus, with
Miss Keturah the comeliest and the youngest
of the virgins. The four rejected Russets
pocketing their knitting, walked in an indignant
procession to the kitchen while little plump
Keturah stuffed the corner of her checked apron
in her rosy mouth, and hid her mischievous
blue eyes under their curtaining lashes. Moses,
with the weight Of ordaining hands still linger
ing upon his shoulders, decorously seated him
self in remote corner, joined the tips of his
thumbs and forefngers, and whined his "pro-
posal y through his missionary nose.
No responses from little Keturah though her
cheeks grew as red and shiny as the apples in
her fathers orchard. Moses eyed her for a mo.
ment with panther-like eagerness, then, making
spring at her hand, calculated silence gives
consentl"
He had grasped shadow while Keturah,
safe on hay-pile in her fathers barn, was
shaking her pluup figure in convulsions ofmirth.
Nothing daunted, Moses made sevenleague
strides for his next stepping-stone to Paradise,
to wit, brother Pixies house. Charity Pike was
visiting at neighbor's, but the old man vol
unteered to "fetch her." if Moses would keep
house meantime. The room of which he was
left master was so low as to fatten his bump
Of "veneration' if he attempted to stand up
right: two huge beams ran across the ceiling,
and various little cupboard doors, cut into the
panneling, suggestive Of doughnuts, span
dowdy," and many other creature comforts, gave
Moses yearning desire to tighten his vest
buttons. From one corner of the low ceiling
hung suspended some crook-necked squashes,
such as country childrens fertile brains manu-
facture into dolls from another swung two
shelves-the top one containing the family Ii
brary, consisting of an almanac, a dictionary,
and. the narrowing adventures of Miss Eliza Nc
Farand, who was scalped by the Indians, and
afterwards miraculously recovered, and became
the mother Of the celebrated preacher, Timothy
Smrke y on the second shelf reposed a string
Of dried apples, fine tooth comb, and some
orange-peal destined to keep Charity awake
at evening meetings. On the hearth tea
kettle was alternately singing and emitting tiny
clouds of vapor, while sleek gray cat lay
coiled between the androns, watching with in
terest the rixing" of a pan of brown bread
A little shutting noise in the entry announced
to Moses expectant ears the future Mrs. May
pole, in the person of Miss Charity Pike, who
was dressed in snufcolored Alpaca, with a
starched kerchief crossed over her Immaculate
bosom. Her tresses, of the color of dirty
blanket, were plastered tightly to her temples,
while black bow, dexterously placed behind
the left ear, concealed barren spot whence
Times scythe had ungallantly moved the hair.
Moses thought of the little plump Keturah, and
then drew a long sigh, then he looked at his
watch then again at the wiry figure of Charity,
then he tossed up imaginary cent, which
evidently came down right side up for Charity,
as he soon after asked her, in faint voice, if
she "felt call to go to the heathen?" Charity
(true to her name) placed her bony hand in
Moses's passive palm and consented, with
ghost of blush, to share his "hard ginger
bread and soft affections.
Wareney Magazine.