Daily evening star. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1852-1854, 1853-01-15
EVENING STAR.
WASHINGTON:
SATURDAY, JANUARY Is, 1853.
The Steam Boat Party.
"All of which saw; and part of which I was"
CHAPTER III

AAC steam Boat P0TtE.
"Al of which saw i; and part of which was"
CHAPTER H.
In the first and opening chapter of this
original and remarkable story we took the
liberty to state the following important fact;
to wit, viz:
Once upon time a certain steamboat
was progressing in the waters of q certain
river.
Now having shown, as We humbly con-
ceive, by undoubted statements and the
most irrefragable reasoning, that the said
''certain steamboat itself was s'upon a
time" and not the highly respectable COM
pany on board; having, also, clearly estab-
lished the undeniable fact that the said
''certain steamboat" was only 'certain''
to her existence, but by no means certain
as to her character having, we say, made
known, published, circulated and thereby
established the great and sublime truth -
we now and herewith proceed, in this
second chapter, in this most authentic and
thrillingly interesting narrative, or rather,
novelette,, to inform the wondering circle of
our admiring readers-and the rest of man
kind-respecting the progress which the
said certain steamboat made in ssthe
waters of the said certain river
But, before proceeding in tn discharge of
this delicate and solemn duty, we must, in
the most explicit, and definite, and categori-
cal manner put to our very courteous and
extremely amiable reader, this direct and
pointed, and personal question:
Ladies and gentlemen of the Evening
Star! Having followed your humble servant,
the author of this greatly entertaining and
strictly authentic history thus far-having
learned, unequivocally and beyond dispute,
or doubt, or cavil, the character of the said
"certain tilne,' and steamboat and
company Having, we say, learned of us
all these invaluable specifications and par
ticulars, on these all engrossing and intense
ly important poin ts-do the amiable and
gifted readers, (both male and female, or
rather, to be polite, both females and males,
or, most proper of all, both ladies and gen.
tlemen, )-do you. o. most beautiful and
puissant patrons of the EOening Star, do you
mean to understand us as saying or affirm
ing, or stating that the said "certain river"
spoken of by us is in all respects and intents
whatsoever to be held and deemed as
"certain'' one? That is to say-to put
this vast question at issue, las Mr.. Chawls
Yellow Plush would write it, in a still more
tangible and comprehensive form-are our
estimable friends the public intending to i'm
ply from us that the said "certain river
would always be "certain" to have a sufi-
cheney Of water in it's channel ? thatit would
be "certain - to contain no sand banks, bars.
snags, sunken rocks, "bust up" steamers,
exploded "bilers" cranks, pistons, syphons,
shafts, cogs, wheels, cylinders, joints, walk
ing beams, pipes, paddles, boxes, wheel
houses, bows, sterns, sides or keels? nor
any trees, stumps, hay-stacks, branches,
boughs, roofs, RATS, rookeries, or river re-
sisters of any kind?
We say-does the reader of this now pop
ular journal-to wit-the Euening Star
mean to understand us as declaring and af-
irming that this ''certain" river was per-
fectly "certain" in all these respects herein
and above enumerated? Does he? Well,
then, all that we have to say is-and We say
it with all due respectable very kind and
indulgent reader is s-quite mistaken !
That's all We said 40 such thing. And
what is more, We don't mean to say it. We
merely said it was ga certain steamboat, -
progressing that was the word" pro-
crossing in the waters of certain river"
AS to the certainty of the said steamboat,
or the certainty of the said river, we said
ENTHUSIASTICALLY nothing!
The reader will please mark that. And
the point in dispute is therefore settled
settled, too, much more " certainly" than
is the title of the English nation to certain
islands in the Bay of Honduras.
The next mart of orr reliable h;story do