The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1853-05-25

Breakfast is ready, Mr.. S."
"ls the toast made?"
"Yes.n
Not burned I"
"No."
Are my stockings aired I"
ayes"
You'll do" quoth Mr. S. and to break
last he went, having received the services
Of the blushing Mrs. S., to assist him in
dressing.
The breakfast did not turn out to be the
thing It had been cracked up for. The
toast was done little too much, and the
tea wasn't done quite enough, the slop.
bowl was at the wrong end of the tray,
and there were several crumbs on the car
pet.
The servant hasn't been here this NOR
ming" observed Mrs. 8.
:Servant," returned Solomon, 81 dis
charged her yesterday. You don't think
l can afford to keep a servant and a wife
too ~
The lady was again posed, and she
said nothing, but the day wore to its close
before she could bring herself to the belief
that Mr.. Swallow had actually made use
Of the words servant and wife in the
| same sentence.
The next morning at o'clock, Mr..
Swallow again informed his wife that it
was time to get up, coupling the remarks
with the suggestion that in future she must
save him the trouble of reminding her of
so necessary duty.
Mrs. Swallow, however, benefited roth
ing by this soft insnuation, for at the mo-
Inent she either was, or pretended to be,
fast locked in the arms Of morpheus.
"DOn't you hear, Mrs. S. 7" quoth Solo
mon.
But alas, a slight consciousness was the
only response from Mrs. S.
Now this was a ticklsh point with Sol
omon, but he was prepared for it. What
says my system on this head !" said he to
himself, musingly. ut says that lazy
wife who lies abed in the morning NAV be
very properly reminded Of her duty bv
the Judicious application of coercion PIN"
And this magnificent idea had scarcely
crossed the threshold Of his brain pan. than
he inserted the point Of a huge pin into
the right arm Of the sleeper. AS might
be expected, the intended effect Instantly
followed the cause, for the astonshed Mrs.
Swallow sprang from the bed as though
she had been thrown from it by an earth
quake. But alas her agility was too
strkingly illustrated, for she not only al
most annihilated poor Solomon in rolling
over him, but she dashed his patent lever
from the nail which suspended it to the
"all, and broke the dial into thousand
pieces.
What a dreadful dream" /" calculated
Mrs. s., pressing her left hand on her
wounded arm.
What dreadful reality !" shouted
Solomon, contemplating the fragile ruins
Of his demolished time piece.
Here we pass over the interval between
this occurrence, and the time when the
happy pair in question were seated at
breakfast.
"Now, Mrs. Swallow" said Soloman,
seeing that | can't awaken to call you up
in the morning. or eat burned toast, or
drink raw tea, &c, it is time that should
begin to instruct you in your duties"
"And what are those, Mr.. ST."
BE silent, madam, if you please not
to talk but 10 listen is one Of the most i'm
portant Of them"
proceed sir.
And Mr. Swallow looking daggers at her
fnr the second interruption, proceeded:
"From six I'LL eight you are to get up,
dress quietly, so as to create no disturb
ance, light fire, air clothing and stockings,
sweep rooms, prepare breakfast, and an-
nounce the perfection thereof. Eight till
ten, wash tea things, make beds, rub furni-
ture and clean windows, ten to twelve 90
to market and prepare dinner. Twelve
I'LL two to devote to dish washing, sweep
ing up and rubbing furniture and clean
windows. Two till six, spinning, mending
clo.hes, and darning stockings. Seven,
tea. From that time till nine 3 second
course Of mending and darning, and then
go to bed. Aud this daily course, madam,
with strict observance of the rules of civ.
Iity, frugality, decorum and obedience,
may in time, enable you to do honor to
the choics Of Mr.. Solomon Swallow"
Mrs. Swallow listened quietly to the end,
and then inquired mildly:
"And do you really expect this Of me,
Mr.. Swallow T. ....
"Tob be sure DO" responded the spouse
"Then you'll be sadly disappointed, for
I'll do no such thing"
| "No."
| "No."
4Pve way 10 make you."
"How r.
spoon diet, locks; chains and cow
hide"
"Mr. Swallow"
What"
You're brute r. and Mrs. 8. threw
herself back and looked desperate.
| Now this was climax. Mr., SwalIow
was called brute at his own fircside, and
by hs own wife, which was the worst o.
all He. Solomon Swallow, the celebra.
sed founder Of . systsm ofmatimonial OBJ.
sefvatiou, called brute, and by no less q
person than Mrs. Swallow. At iirst be
was 90 astonished at sHeh open NANTES.
taton Of rebellion 70 hia royal viii, and he
only looked aghast; bat when be came 10