The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1853-10-27
yor he National Era.
A DIARY.
hY MARTHA RUSSELL.
IcoNTINUED.l

[coNTINUED.I
Jan. l5h.-They have been spoken-those
words which | 30 dreaded to hear and oh
Heaven. what am |, that should iDfiict snch
rain and suffering upon any human soul
Never did he seem 50 truly good and noble as
when putting aside all earthly considerations,
he Mead in trembling tones for my love, for
GIe,s best boon from my hands!
And vet never did feel it more impossible
|. grant his prayer. God knows | would have
done So if could Iwould have put away my
Lng.cherished dreams as idle, had found any
response to his words | even plead for him.
set before me all his goodness and nObleness,
his growing sympathy with my tastes and pur-
suit, the wide influence for good which, he
urged. possessed over him. thought of my
netler-of the life of toll and isolation that
lie before me but there came no response, and
tdlre not trihe with eternal truth.
He plead for hope, and urged the love which
is the need of years of tenderness and deyo-
ton. 1t cannot he. have been down into the
inneruost recesses Of my heart, and know, by
the love that went out 80 spontaneously toward
another that there are abysses Of tenderness
ave, passion-there, that n. has no power to
move and knowing this dare not trust to
years.
SO let him look into my heart God gave
me strength to do it; and, with an incc hercnt
blessing on me for my truth, he went out into
the stol nj ard darkness but the wintry sleet
nor the north wind nor the darkness, is not
more cold and dreary than the heart he has
LETT behind! Oh. they know not woman's
heart who talk of the pride Of conquest!
There is nothing on Gods earth that teaches
humility, like the consciousness of being deeply
and truly beloved!
jan. isth-Thev say H. has gone to New
York, en- route for Europe Doctor G. was sit
ting with US when Emilia came in, having just
heard the news up town. Suddenly, inter.
ruptng herself in her EXPLANATIONS Of surprise
aunt turned 10 me: You said H. called here
the evening We went to hear Holmes lecture
Did he say nothing Of this Elizabeth"
"No, certainly not, aunt" and joy, that wa'
thus able to speak the truth, gave me courage
to boldly face Doctor rs searching look
But raS glad that uncle came in that mo
ment and created a diversion in my favor. HI
never sees mystery in anything that cannot OF
solved by the interest table, and thought II
gone to Europe on business. Stocks are
rising and he has some interest there, | be
Geye" he said.
Stocks, uncle !" said Emilia, impatiently
"When did Fred H. ever trouble himsel
about stocks. should like to know?"
I'm really afraid IT'S an attack of brair
fever" began aunt, despondingly. His father
died Of it, and he has been threatened with il
more than once Don't you think 30, Doc
tor !" che asked, anxiously.
Not at all, my dear madam Not that 9
toll I.a, lznI DO
get into a strange sort of whirl once in a while
but from other causes than congestion AnC
again he scanned my face closely.
Aunt sighed, and uncle spent whole TWEEN
tyuiDutes, long time for him, in trying t.
prove TO her the impossibilty Of there being
any hereditary faint in the blood of her fami
iy-a family related to him.
According to him, oil his own relatives have
Died through some oversight which might have
been seen and provided for, had they been en-
lowed with bis wisdom. presume, he expects
to be translated
jan 20ih-Emilia takes H's absence t.
heart What does it mean? Underneath thai
war Of words which sometimes bordered or
sarcasm between them, did there lurk deep
er feeling must look to this She is in higt
spirits tonight though, because Mr.. f., who
leciured before the Institute" last night, is Il
dine here tomorrow. She prophecies | vii
ial in love with him at once. Perhaps 80
shall see
Jan 2ld.-He has been here--the author
post, prophet, whom | have reverenced fol
years have looked upon his face, listened
70 dis voice, and it is much to say that b.
ula not dlsappont me. The face is good, grave
1nd serene; but his chief power lies in hi
voice and manner, which grows on one until i
becomes complete fascination.
AT least, 80 thought, when he turned from
The mixed company alter dinner, and began t
talk to me of Brownipg's poems which Ia,
upon the table, Perhaps | was preposesse,
by the interest with which he listened to IN,
remarks but every word seemed the echo of
LOVING heart, an earnest soul, and q subtitle in
teiIect; subtle and beautiful, rather than deel
or strong-passioness and calm as Greel
statue. He il q wonderful man, and vet
could feel rather then see his limitations an
mOugh he talked so eloquently of Hakeem il
Tue Return of the Druses," he could never b
hakeem" for me-scarcely "Djabal'
And yet verify, there are moods when it seem
al exceedingly pleasant sin to fall down ant
worship false gods
jan 22t-l don't know what is the matte
mere Some demoniacal influence pcryades ou
~ r'uiO' sphere, and everything goes wrong. Emf
IA eaprlcious as the wind aunt is haunted
Seg'on Of household evils, which, like Johr
Iheycorn rise up again as soon as thnl
and NV, ga, lad them; and | get out of patience
moo, ay earnestly that may never be rich
mail, nave seen Mrs N. She is visiting at hel
S Judge As, and was at the concer
r,.'p1 n.-a beautiful woman, Of right queenl,
on z'd-a letter to day frsm our kind neigh
Vf Mrs r. She says mother has Oh annod ne ;,
uangely within week; thinks she has had
a'ght attack OF paralysis and advises ma I,
,o@e home. have announced my detorn;na
uon 10 start tomorrow, but uncle and ann,
St q delay, OF "next week, - Of the neces.;, r,
y, Icing "calm," and all that. They forge
wat my mother is all have on earth.
nave agreed TO stay until day after To- NOR
tT'' when uncle will 20 with me az far as New
mother
%" 14h.-l have been TO bid good bye TO the
NJ ! lear enved them, they were NO happy
nssA al school, thanks to the n0iseless kind
,@ VI dear Mrs G., and the mother and sis
NIL moved me her first problems in algebra
nesln mixture OF pride and delight which wa,
% a., amusing The little boy did not seem
IL, S ~ their reverence for those bits of pa
sadl, he snatched at ono Of them, and tore il
then ~ n" resentment at my considering
Ara more worthy Of attention than himself
ebnh,a'ser all were there not In that littls
'1aooy being probIem. of f,r o-a.,a-