The Planters' banner. [volume] (Franklin, Attakapas Co., Lou.) 1849-1872, 1853-08-25

IOSiSldtlUH. Ii you COulQ nave seen the
fine Roman features Of the doctor, and
the good face of the captain, little
ruddy. and topped by hairawhich was
partly gray, you would have much en-
joyed the startling narrative which fell
from his lips. 0inf
ALBANY is the great place." so the
captain began; Harrisburg is another
great place-legislators can be had
there, in great quantities, at reasona-
bic prices, but Trenton is the place"
Expound ~ said the doctor. Upon
which the captain illustrated his text
by the following narrative:
One winter there came 10 Trenton,
two men named Smith and Jones, who
had, both Of them, designs upon the
Legislature Jones had bad wife, aud
was in love with a pretty woman-he
wished to be divorced from the bad
wife, SO that he might marry the pretty
woman. who, by the bye, was widow,
with black eyes, and such a bust E
Therefore, Jones came to Trenton for a
divorce Smith had a good wife, plump
as robin, good as an angel, and the
mother Of ten children, aud Smith did
not want to be divorced, but did want
to get charter for turnpike, or plank
road. TO extend from Pigs Run to Terra
pin Hollow Well. they with these
different errands came to Trenton, and
addressed the assembled wisdom with
the usual arguments. 1st: suppers,
mainly composed of oysters, with
rich back round of steak and venison,
Cd: liquors in great plenty from "Jer-
sey lightning" which is kind of loco
motive at full speed, reduced TO liquid
shape-to Newark champagne. To
speak in plain prose, Jones, the divorce
man, gave a champagne supper, and
Smith, the turnpike man, followed with
a champagne breakfast Under the
modifying influence OF which, the as
sembled wisdom passed both divorce
and turnpike bills, and Jones and Smith
"a copy Of each bill in parchment in
their pockets-went rejoicing home,
over miles Of sand, and through the
tribulation Of many stage coaches
Smith arrived at home III the evening,
and as he sat down in his parlor, his
pretty wife beside him-how pretty she
did look l-and five of her children
asleep overhead, the other five studying
their school lessons in corner of the
room, Smith was induced TO expatiate
upon the good result of his mission to
Trenton. A5t
"a turnpike, my dear am one of
the directors and will be president; it
will set US up, love, we eau send the
children to BOARDING school and live
in style, out of the toll. Here is the
charter, honey"
"Let me see it," said the pretty
wife, who was one of the incest wives,
with pIumpness and goodness dimpled
all over her ia ce. let me see it;n and
she leaned over Smiths shoulder, press
ing her arm upon his own, as she looked
at the parchment. But all at once
Smiths visage grew long. Smiths
wife's visage grew black. Smith was
not profane, but now he ripped out an
awful oath: D-n it wife, these infer
nal scoundrels at Trenton, haze gone and
dirorccd us ~
1t was too true! The parchmentthat
he held was bill of divorce, in which
the name OF Smith and Smiths wife
appeared in friehtlully legible letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the
corner of her apron g Here's turn
pikeE she said sadly, :" and with the
whole ten of our children staring me
in the face, amt your wife? Here's
a turnpike p @ &
ID" D-n the pike, and the Legislature,
and--.n Well the fact is, that Smith,
reduced to single -blessedness, and en-
acted into stranger TO his own wife,
swore awfully. Although the night was
dark, and most of the denizeus of
Smiths village had gone to bed, Smith |
bid his late wife put on her bonnet, and
arm in arm they proceeded to the house |
of the clergyman of their church.
~ Goodness bless me p exclaimed the |
mild good man, as he saw them enter,
Smith looking like the very last of June
shad, and Smiths wife wiping her eyes
with the corner of her apron" Good
ness bless me, what's the matter 2"
"The matter is, I want you to marry
us two right off!p replied Smith.
"Marry youp calculated the cler-
gyman, with expanded fingers and aw-
fol eyes, are you drunk or crazy w
mq aint crazy, and 1 wish | 4rus
drunk, nsaid Smith, desperately. The
fact is, brother GOODWIN, that some
scoundrels at Trenton, unbeknown TO
me, and atldead of night, have gone
and divorced me from my wife, she the
mothenof--of-nine childrenw @
"Ten,a n,aosuggested Mrs. Smith, who
was crying. Here's turnpike p
Well, the good minister seeing the
state Of the case, (the Trenton pafch-
nent was duly produced from the pock-
1t Of the lugubrious Smith, married
hem over straightway, and would not
AXE a fee; the fact is, grave as ne was,
lie was dying to be alone, so that he
snuld give vent to suppressed laugh,
which was shaking him all over: and
smith and Smiths wife went joyfully
home, and kissed every one of their
en- children. The little Smiths never
new that their father and mother had
u r 4 1 .