The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1853-05-25

himself, he saw that something must be
done at once, or the field was lost forever.
you called me brute, Mrs. S."
81 did, Mr. S."
"a brute"
"A brute"
"Ill go mad and break things, Mrs. S.
"As you like, sir"
And Mr.. S. did 60 mad, but he had a
method in his madness, for he seized the
cheapest article of delf that was on the Ia
ble, (tn old plate with crack in it0 and
dashed it into thousand pieces on the
hearth: as if he were in a tremendous pas
sion.
How do you like that, Mrs. S."
VASTLY, try it again Mr.. S."
And again he did try it, (for he had be-
come desperately and demolished the
cream jug.
Now" said the lady, "it is my turu,"
and jumping up she sent the slop-bowl to
keep company with its tea-table compan-
ions. This was, of course, too much for
Solomon it snapped assunder the last re-
naming cord of tho little remaining rea-
son he had left, and he slapped his help.
mate-we use the word in its most posi-
tive sense-on her right cheek; but scarce
Up had the blow melted into silence, ere
the indignant dame seized the eapot and
shivered 1t into atoms against the head of
the devoted Mr.. Swallow. Nor was this
all, for as he was rolling heels over head
from the effect Of the awful collision, she
piled the remainder of the tea-traps until
there was scareely y Il bone in his BODY
which had not &C oed TO the shock ofcupS
and saucers and rounds of buttcrcd toast.
Unable to carry on the war longer for
that day, Solomon gathered himself up rs
well as he could, and vowing vengeance,
he stuck his pipe into his mouth, his hands
in his pockets, and commenced whistinp
n jig to the tune the old cow died of, look.
ing as if he could bite piece off the
gr,ddle without setting his teeth on edge
Ills good lady, too, being determined to
follow the example Of her lord and master
in ,thcr matters beside the delfbreaking.
placed another chair b ,ck to back with
Solomon's, and after providing herself with
novel, sat herself down, and began read
ing away, rs If there were no such things
"s beds to make, or stockings TO mend, in
all Christendom.
Here this atfectionate couple sat for six
mortal hours, each bent upon sitting the
other down, and ruminating the while up
on their relative positions. But it must
be confessed that Mrs. S. had the bes. of
the bargain, for Independent of Solomon's
manglcd head and parboied neck and
shoulders, he saw as plain as mud, the
watchdlal and the crockery must be re-
placed; so that the reducing Of the first
chapter in his voIuminous system to prac-
tlce, must DC attended with an outlay Of
at least twenty dollars. This being the
case, might as well be hung for sheep
as a lamb, thought he, and with that he
rose from his chair, stole softly from the
room, and turned the key upon the gen.
tie Mrs. S.
The turning Of the key made her aware
of his intention, when she rushed to the
door, but it was too late.
Open the door this instant, Mr.. Swal-
low"
"Not until have kept you here sever.
al days upon bread and water" returned
the victorious Solomon as he went his way
rejoicing.
But alas! how feeting is human great.
ness--in about halt an hour he returned
TO see how matters were going, but scarce
ly had he put his eye TO the Eeyhole when
he began roaring like bull, for Mrs.
Swallow had torn every one ofhis fine lin
men shirts (tba: on his back excepted) il.
to pieces, to make a rope to let herself
down from the window; uor was this all
for upon further examination, he discover
ee that she had also thrown a variety of
chair cushions, be;! !:nnen, etc., into the
dirty yard to make her descent safe.
Oh chop fallen Solomon Swallow
The archives of the Swallows are silent
as to the remaining occurrences Of this e.
ventfui day, but on the very next morning
about seven o'clock, Mr.. Swallow popped
his head from under the blanket and said,
"Mn. Swallow, dear, isn't il time to get upl
Yes" returned the lady, "and you may
call me when you have lit the fire, and put
on the kettle" ..'..
Poor Solomon! There was no alter.
native. So he set about his work with an
alacrity which showed thar he had the
terror Of a broken head aud demolished
body linen, running strongly in his mem
ory. In short Solomon was conquered
man. That day he had to prepare break
fast, sweep the room, etc. The next, bis
assistance was required in the rubbing Of
furniture and the making of beds and be.
fore the week was out, he was initiated
iuto the mystery Of washing coarse towels.
Degenerate Solomon Swallow Nay,
In after times, when the Swallows began
TO gather about him, it is whispered that
his better half used to employ him at yet
more hu nble offices.
Aboct five years after the celebration
Of bis nuptials, friend called to see him,
"You must 60 with me to the theatre
Mr. Swallow, said bis friend.
"He shant," said Ms. Swallow
| -He shsil, said his tsiend, eand 50 mus,
| you.n
may but he can't, replied the dame
for ne must stay a. home with the chill