Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-04-30
hit ano Gn or.
The Greatest ASS in Venice.

The Greatest ASS In Venice.
Two young princes, the sons of Archduke
Charles Of Austria, had a warm debate in
the presence Of no less a person than that Of
the first emperor himself. Greatly excited,
one said the other:
"You are the greatest ass in Venicep
Highly offended at quarrel in his pres
ence, the emperor interrupted them, saying
with indignation
"Come, come, young gentlemen, you for
get that am present"
An editor "Down East" says that he
hoped to be able to present marriage and
death as original matter for his columns; but
a heavy thaw broke up the wedding. and the
doctor got sick, so the patient recovered.
Rich Examination.
The following racy examination, of can
ddate for admission to the bar, is taken from
an Eastern Law Journal, and is SO decided a
hit, that we put it afoat once more. The ex-
animation commences:
DO you smoke?
Il do, SIR
Have you spare cigar"
Yes, SIR (extending a short six.
Now, sir, what is the first duty Of law
yer%
TO collect fees"
Right. What is the second?'
ITO increase the number Of his clients
when does your position towards your eli
ents cbange?'
when making bill Of cost
Explain
when they occupy the autagoniStic posi-
ton; assume the character Of plaintiff and
they defendants
"A suit decided, how do you stand with
the lawyer conducting the other side!
Check by jowl."
Enough, sir, you promise to become an
ornament to your profession, and l wish you
success. Now are you aware of the duty
you owe me"
4 am sir
Describe it.
1T is to invite you TO drink
But suppose decline
| Candidate scratching his head.) There
is no instance of the kind on record in the
books! l cannot answer the question
You are right; and the confidence with
which you make the assertions, shows tha
you have read the laws attcntively. Let
take a drink, we will sign your certificate.
Scene In a Railroad Office.
DatcAman. al wants TO get pay for pl!
vat ter railroad is runned over"
Secretary. "How came the engine to ru1
over your pg?"
d. Ivy, mine pig vas comin' along, and tie
railroad vas comm along, and ter pig did no
see ter railroad comm along, and ter railroa
did not see ter pig comm along, and ter pi
vent to run under ter railroad ven it vas CON
in along, and ter railroad ruined over ter pi
ven he vas a comm along"
S."My friend, don't think this is cas-
n which the road ought to pay
ID. "Ten. afterwards, keeps my pigs frol
comm along, ven ter railroad is comm along.
Some men devote themselves so exclusivel
to their business as to almost entirely nege'
their domestic and social relations. A gentle
man of this kind having failed, was aske
what he intended TO do?
81 am going home 10 get acquainted wit
my wife and Children" said he.
RETURNING THE CoMPLINENr.-Mr. Marc
o speaking Of the relief sent to Madeira fro
II Boston, says:
e "Long after those who will be kept alive
" it, shall have gone to their last homes. Il
# very name Of Boston will be almost worshi
ped by MADEIRA"
: This is onley returning the CO mplimentf
the name of Madeira has, for long tim
been almost worshipped by the solid men
Boston, Providence Journal.
T.. Street SWeeper.-"Please sir, give me
d Brown?"
SweN-"S "Sixpence is the smallest money
I. have my little lad"
Boy,-"Vell, sir, I'll get yer change; al
if yer douts my bonor-hold my broom
Punch.
CLERICAL ERRoR.-An ignorant priest eel
brating mass, finding in the rubric. sulta p
tria," meaning, skip three" (tbat is thr
s pages,) took three leaps in front of the alta
to the astonisAment of the congregation.
: PoEr1c.-An editor, speaking of dandy
dickey, says: at was scented and torn like
south wind after passing through a fen
IS made of thornbushes.
# A Northern editor perpetrates the folio
/, ing; "a flock of sheep composed of all weat
s, ers, may be said to resemble our climate"
If An Auctioueer in Cincinnati, in selling
to hoss lately, had raised the bidding up to t
'e sticking point, and could not raise it dir
a higher by any of the usual tricks of art
warranted the animal sound in wind, linn
r. &c. but it was no use. At last he warrant
him sound on the School Question. Fort
- with the bidding went up, up, up, and
animal was soon struck off at an increase
$40 over the former bids.
The Maumee River Times is responsil
for the following
SCENE IN A SCHOOL RooM-Teacher g
Mt ing Lessons in Orthography; The VIC
abominaton was given to be spelled.
q. Boy--rose in his place and spelt it.
Teacber--Joseph you have spelt ii