Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1853-06-09
FrJB'Gs BOston Ohoe Branch.
Fanny Fern on maIrimOny.

]
Shouldn't like to makea bonfire Of all the
Hints to Young Wives Married Woman's
Friends, DC, and throw in the authors after
them l have a little neighbor who believes
all they tell her is gospel truth, and lives up Ia
It. The minute she sees her husband coming
up street, she makes for the door, as if she
hadn't another minute TO live, stands in the en-
try with her teeth shattering in her head till be
gets all his coats and mufilers, and over shoes
and what do-call- ems of, then chaees round
(llke cat in tit) after the boot-iaek warns
his slippers, and puts 'em on, and dislocates
her wrist carving at the table, for fcari will tire
him.
Poor little innocent fool she imagines that's
the way to preserve his affections. Preserve a
fddlestick The consequence is he's sick of
the sight of her snubs her when she asks him
a question, and after he has eaten her good din
ners, takes himself of as soon as possible, bear
ing in mind the old proverb, that too much Of
a good thing is good Cor nothing Now the
truth is just this, and | wish all women on earth
had but one eai in common, so that could put
this little bit of gospel into it Just so long as
man isn't quite as sure as If he knew certain
whether nothing on earth could ever disturb
your affection for him, he is your humble ser
want but the very second he finds out Tor
thinks he does) that he has possession of every
inch of your heart-and no neutral territory
he will turn on his heel and march of whistling
Yankee Doodle p
Now it's no use to take your pocket handker
chief and go sniveling round the house with a
pink nose and red eyes not a bit oft. II you
have made the interesting discovery that you
were married for a sort Of upper-seryant, or
house keeper, just fill that place and no other,
keep your temper, keep all his strings, and
buttons, and straps on, and then keep him at a
distance, as a house keeper should-them's my
sentiments have seen one or two men in my
life who could bear to be loved (as a woman
witha soul knows howl without being spoilt
by it, or converted into tyrant-but they are
rare birds, and should be caught, stuffed, and
sent to Barnum Now as the ministers say,
J'll close with an interesting incident that came
under my own observation
Mr.. Fern came home one day when had a
crucifying headache that | couldn't have told
whether | was married or single and threw an
old coat into my lap to mend. Well, | tied a
wet bandagc over my head left all flying and
sat down toit-he might as well asked me to
make him new one however lined the
sleeves, menied all the button holes, and sew
ed on new buttons down the front, and all over
the coat tails-when finally it occurred to me
I believe it was suggestion of Salan) that the
pocket mi ghtneed mending so | turned it in
side out, and ,cEat do you think LIouad Il lore
letter from kim to my drCSsmcIer! l dropped
tho ,rOr1- hoeLat drop,od 3 IN huttops I dror,
ped the baby, (itwas a FEMALE, and Thought
it just as well to put her out Of future misery,
and then hoped up into a chair front of the
looking glass, and remarked TO the young wo
man saw there, FAN-N FERN IF you
CH-A-ConFoUYDED- FOOL
AGAIN-and | wasn't