St. Mary's beacon., 1853-05-26

- : - -
- DEVOTED TO
:. 90 :
with The legal claim to the M i.
sIrs. Swallow
Bfase Solomon Swallowi
:" Vel, solomon, : s.ia : ne;ohl,or !,
him one morning, {. 81 ron arc .lu-.,,.
boasting Of your skill il ,r,an.e;n,,, ,.,;s.
'o" ZONES II tffat you aEe lot married p
Why, because I have not nerfscted
my system YOUR =; .....,,ss.ss' -
the moose without y. - 'sssialors
tor, and hence 1g-s q 2'zsssncse' =.
ashe likes of ,zaG. tns< } Ia wosk s. s.
CALI. ] begin by sssAying the eraaite
works Ofzingrubaza--son on the philosophy
OF woman's holding her.tongue.' Then
read several treatises on he effect Of
bread and uIstef discfpiine. in making
sood wlses Shakspeare's Tanning a
Shrew,' furnished me a few excellent
practical lessons. And ] am now zen
eralizing all the systems into one, which
shall carry the sway in all future gem
eratlons' and convert the plague of ma
trimony into blessing. In the course
oil year or so," added Solomon, nv
Rules for the Regulation of Woman ,
Il intend to publish it) win be completed,
and then shall take me wife"
And Solomon was as good as his word:
tor at the age of thirty-five, feeling him
self prepared to give battle to any wo-
man in or out of the land of Ainazons, he
got married. At this important period,
Solomon was as puffy, comfort2ble-look-
ing little fellow as you'd meet in a
days walk, for albeit the crown of his
head never stood full FIVE feet from the
heels of his boots, he was of proportions
that would have done honor to an alder
man, or even lord mayor and his gait
especially when walking with any thing
in the likeness Of a woman, was as pomp-
Gus as Sultan's, while at such times his
countenance always assumed an express
sion that could not have brookeo t-A-ap-
proach of familiarity. The lady whom
aRea.eaAtl . lassSb-isssss.s s.s
ture, SO that the chances were very fair
that she would not only be tractable
wife. but that R,lolnon would require no
help from his system to make her so.
Nov Solomon had the forbearance not
to interfere with his lady's sayings and
doings on the nightof the wedding, nor
is it recorded that he assumed special au-
thority on the next night either; but
about six o'clock the next morning, h,
softly insinuated t. his sleeping partner
that il was time to get up.
And" he added, "when breakfast
is ready, you may call me, but be sure
and not burn my toast
Breakfast and toast !" said Mrs.
Swallow, why, what do you mean: :"
Why, my dear-I mean, madam,
that have begun my system"
And won't you get up, too"
Yes, when breakfast is ready, and
my stockings aired?"
Mrs. Swallow was about to reply, but
she checked herself, as she was ashamed
to say much to him on so short an ac-
quaintance but though in the present
instance she did precisely as she was bid,
she resolved in her heart that it was the
last time she would get up at six in the
morning to prepare breakfast.
At eight o'clock, everything being
ready, Mrs. Swallow called Hr. Swallow.
Breakfast is ready, Mr.. Swallow"
"Ts the toast made :"
"Yes.'' t
"Not burned 20 ----- So =
"No." s'''ss ss-.r-r<
care my stockings aired ("
"Yes."
You'll do" quoth Solomon, and to
breakfast he went having received the
services of the blushing Mrs. Swallow to
assist him in dressing.
The breakfast, however, did not turn
out to be the thing it had been cracked
up for. he toast was done little too
much, and the tea wasn't done quite
enough; the slop-bowi was at the wrong
end of the tray. and there were several
crumbs on the carpets
"The servant hasn't been here this
morning" observed Mrs. Swallow.