Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1853-10-27
VARIETY.

first isl that children should be 80 fosllsn As
ito thrsE clubs and stands Into fruit trees
te knock down the fruit II they would let il
alone. Il would fall down itself The second
Is, that men should 60 to war aud kill one
another; IL thsy would Lot one another alone
they would die themselves; and the third
sud liza thing that Iwonder ats, that
3 young men should be 50 unwise rs to 30 az
ter tho young women, for If they would stay
at honse, the young women would comp af-
ter THIN.
nA poor drunken wretch went to hear
q Uniykrsalist preach The preacher argued
than pb matter how degraded or abandoned
man might be, he would still be saved.
Thedrunkard became much interested in
doctrsne which left him room for hops 800
7 Unfortunately, however, in the midst of ar.
Gument the speakers mind became confus
ca, and be commenced laundering and stag
. eerine, as though about TO break down
The draukard seeing this, arose, aud support
ing himself against the wall, cried ont,
Pat her~ through, bab, Or I'm q goner:r
= Watsdio TIM :Erptess.
4 HTThs following occurred in school
not hundred miles from Woodstock Vt
TcaeAer.-What part Of speech is the
Msrd egg
BeY+Noun, Sir So.
T.-SWhat is its gender
B.4Gant tell sir.
sa It's it masculine, feminine, or neuter r.
B.-4Can't say, sir, tillits Matched. n
$ T.-Well, then, my lad, can you tell me
+ the case
Bob, yes; the shell, sir
"A c,bin boy on board ship was call;
ed up to be whipped for some misdemeaaor
Little Jack went trembling aud crying ts
the captain, who was religious man, aud
said
Pray. sir. will you wait until | say my
. prayers 2
F Yes. was the stern reply
well, then replied Jack, looking up and
smiling triumphantly, III never say thon
nrAn editor who, has had vast amount
OF experience in the business, says-.The
most insipid thing in the world, is to kiss
pretty girl in the presence ether mother
re 30 realized as il should be, this sort Of
eenfeetisnary should BE- taken in the dark =
Even aIcahdie'fs unnecessary, for there arc
very few who can't find their mouth even in
coal CELLAR II
HrA Philadelphia editor thinks frem
the manner shirts are made in that city, that
there ought to be an inspector of common
sewers The editor weat to the expense Of
= a new shirt the other day. and found himself
when he awoks in the morning, crawling out
between two Of the shortest stitches.
ny-One the witpssses in case on trial
s. a lady, was saying Chat she expected, ON 60
7 ing to the house, to fnd the lady maniac
81. Instead Of, that said the counsel, you
found her clothed in her right mind 2
t0h, yes replied the Witness she had
her clothes on
(, hs-' Father, said little Teddy, show can
the sea run when it's all tider
II don't run, my child, replied the father,
st set STILL
III. How can it set when it has no bottom p
Teddy was led cut Of doors by the hair
Of bis head
na-' Have you ever had aay experience
in stage business said theatrical manager
% . person who was urging him fer au or
portunity to make FIRST appearance
neyrr had, replied he, but l have been
ia the cab line
ns-. Pa is Pennsylrapia the father otall
the other Statesp
j Certainly Ael; my child why do you
askf
'causc l see that all the newspapers call
lit Pa
NJ To reduce tie temperature Of a din.
log. room-bring friend home to tea some
afternoon when your. wife wishes to FIX
early to 20 to the opera The coclness
Z with which yourself aud friend will be re.
.eeived win give arefrigeratiDg tone to the
Whole house
ny a Wag was jogging home rather late
snd little happy, whsa he was accesse3 BY
large, tive listed fellow, who demanded his.
naaeyt Money said the wsg, smeneyt
baFe nsns but if you'll wait miuuts-I
win giveyea my note for thirty daysp
~ "a French Canadian pests his wife in
> 81 John in the following words: Ma
nam, dsts Pete Rowville-ma wife he leay
ms hous and shant Ak me-any man dat
tt1s him on ma nam; dats loss for you
Ns-A man out west, whose house was re-
gently destroyed By FIRE, publishes q card, in
which htthaHks his fellow citizens for max
itg an uaauccsssfal attempted to save bis
farnituro, and expresses hope that be will
sosn hasp an Opportunity to reciprocate the
ta&or.
E%Asssntimeatal chap in Rhode Island
sAtbadsho petition Congress, at its next ses.
sieh, fers an appropriation to improve the
eaannelsIef afsctiea, 50 that henesferth ths
course oftfue lexe may run smooth
HE-AA arisAnan bid an extraordinary
miso fora,. alarm clock, aad gave as . res.
SOP, that be loved to rise carly, and new he
Shlf had % pull the string and wake himself
mr.
~ john, dia you fnd any eggs IN the.
id heh'sanest this merningr
q sit; ifshs sld hsa Iail any, SIC has
,hislaid them
Zones what ia the verdi put nairi-
zSohy into your head p
sNoll the fact is. joe. Twas getting short
Il shirls1
stFEanny Fern says It Is provoking for
seNeman, who, has worked all day mend.
iixI ian cid coat Of her husbands 10 find
l1SS letter from another woman in his peck.
ntzrWhon fellow Ninks Till his eal gets
uiArriea, epsss ~ little Toe late 10 pop
lf6qu1slio1 them.
49, Why dsrt Jon take tks pleaesl us
81 N6ihar said Il her guide man. uken she
h}n1,i hin ~ li,tls IN.