The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1853-05-12
The Bachelor and the Baby.

bered a trfling commission which she had
promised to execute for me in the village
With an injunction to touch the cradle if
baby awokc, she departed, leaving Inc proud
of my new employment, and lulled by past
immunity into state of fatal security
History is full Of similar examples.
With one eye on my book, and the other
on the cradle, like a faithful watch dog, l
listened to the rctreating football that should
have warned me, but did not, "to look out
squalls" l had no idea of the awful re-
sponsiity which had taken upon myself,
or [ should have shrunk from it us q cat docs
from water, or a mastiff from chuming
machine. In fact, l rather suspect that l
felt, in 4 trifling degree, ambitious that baby
should open one eye only onc-that
might have the pleasure of shutting it again.
when we arc well off! My ambition was
but too soon to be gratified; had yet to
learn by bitter experience how weary is the
lot of those who-tcnd on babies!
l wonder whether infants are conscious
i'll their sleep of their mothers absence, and
know that IN opportunity has arrived for
"cutting up their didoes?"
The baby over whose slumbers had be-
come the guardian genius-how the flies
pitched into its nose WAS as sound asleep
as any baby could be when its mother de-
parted; but no sooner had her shadow fad
ed from the room than symptoms of wake
fulness began to appear. First came sigh;
then a chuckle, that said, as plain as a
chuckle could say, "Now for some fun :"
then one eye opened and shut, and then
both began peeping about, till the head
seemed inclined to Dob off the pillow.
felt a little nervous at these symptoms
only a little. "Poh!" said to myself; "a
roll or two of tie cradle will soon settle
your business, youngster." But it did not.
Baby was bound to have a spree. 1t knew
that "its mother was out" That big, both
ersome buc-bottle fly, too, tired Of watch
ing for the ship over the clock face, started
on voyage of discovery on its own account,
and the first promontory which it reached
was the nose of the baby, tempting spot,
upon which it landed for refrcslment, buz-
zing most vilanously as it did so. 1t was
tcklish landing, however, and baby soon
drove it off with sncezc that astonished its
| nerves, and mine, too, more than the f1y's,
Tor the fly was accustomed to ticklish situa-
tons, which l was not. Baby was thor
oughly reused. Up went its round chub-
by arm but u rock OF the cradle soon sent
that back to its place. l did rock that cra-
die beautifully. The little head rolled to
and fro as easily as if it had been fastened
on by toy mandarin's neck. l could not
help admiring myself for the way in which
] did it, and | am sure that any reasonable
baby would have gone to sleep again, if on
ly for compliments sake; but the baby in
the cradle didn't. The moment the rock
ing ceased, UP popped the little head, like
Judy's in the show, with small pcevish
cry. That cry it was like the fixing of
the fuse of apowder magazine, sure to end
in an explosion.
Were you ever reused in the middle of
the night by the maid of-all=work coming
in her slippers and night cap, TO inform you
that the house was on fire? Did you ever
stand near Dutchman who was weighing
gunpowder with lighted cigar in his
mouth? Did you ever stand over the boil
er Of Mississippi steamboat, and expect
every moment to be landed on the tree-tops
half a mile inland? If not, you cannot con-
ceive my horror when I heard that cry. I
was in cold perspiration from head to foot
l have no doubt that hail-stones as big as
peas might have been picked off my fore
head. | rocked for dear life, and baby
bounced about like ball of Indian-rubber
But it was all useless. sang all the songs
that l could think of, from the cabalistic
"IIushaby!" to "Cease, rude Boreas w
tried tenor, and tried bass; but the baby
did not know the difference. 1t seemed to
think it all base The louder ] sang, the
louder it cried. 1t was bawl and squall :;
and squall beat. The cry pcevish became
kthe cry indignant, and the cry indignant be-
came the squall imperative. Blue.bottle
buzzed with delight, and danced hornpipe
on the window, while the clock kept up
|:tantalizing "go It'll go it!"
In an unlucky moment, t lifted the little
tempest out Of the cradle Never, never,
never will l commit such an act of thought
less imprudence again! Before did so, l
could have truly, sung with the poet, "The
white squall raves )" but afterwards, the
fiercest blasts of Boreas seemed belching
from that little throat.
In the hope of quieting the tornado, I
took it in my arms, waddled it to and fro
in the room tossed it up and down till my
shoulders ached; dandled it on my knee,
now the right one, now the left; but moth
ing would do. Like an easterIy gale, that
multiplied squall seemed to be endless. 1
felt really alarmed. was completely ter
Irified. l saw visions of convulsions and
such like ills that infant flesh is heir TO-"
If had been in the city, am sure that a
crowd would have collected. might have