The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-04-26
Grant TIlOrbllrll TO the New
York Sum.
HINTS to Merchants, Married Hen
and Bachelors.
First, To Bachelors.

Having seen the building of almost
every house in this great Metropolis,
must have been slow indeed not to
have learned something of men and
their manners for the last half CEN
tury.
?As sat in my tent door, in the
cool ofthe day with the pleasures
of memory I retraced the years
of twenty-five to twenty-five. 1
thought to myself, were I to live my
life over again, would just manage
my treaty of peace, amity and con.
cord with the asses after the same
mode and form which I pursued six
years ago; therefore, my young
friends, 1 will just describe the pro.
cess, and say unto you, Go and do
likewise.
When I emerged from the cottage
wherein l first drew breath, in Scot.
land, I looked on the daughters
of men, and saw they were fair, 1
resolved that as soon as I could earn
one shilling sterling per d:y, I would
enter life of copartnership with one
of these native beauties. What God
makes beautiful, it is for man to ad.
mire; and perceiving by statistical
tables, that God sent annually into
the world an equal proportion Of men
and women, therefore thought, it
must be his law that every man
should have his mate at once; leaving
future provision and consequences
to Him who hangs creation on his
arm, and feeds her at his board.
Itis. ffty.five years since I ratified
that treaty Of peace, amity, and
st..eaRa eTi ghtasss md nsger for ssiiiia mo-.
mont did l. reset the contract; nor
did / ever lack loaf in the pantry,
or dollar in my purse, when God
sent another mouth (and he sent me
thirty of them craving little mortals,)
he always sent food to fill it.
With regard to courtship, it is the
easiest thing in the world. Love is
the language of nature. The veri.
est fool, if he cannot pronounce, he
can speak it with his eyes, and wo-
men are nice interpreters.-When
first thinking of these affairs, 1 re-
solved in my own mind never to
spend an hour in private conversa-
ton with any young woman till I had
determined on taking to myself
wife; and also, never to spend an
hour with any other woman except
she was tho one, whom, above all
others in the world, I wished to
make my wife. On this principle I
practised and prospered.
There is nothing to be gained by
hanging round sensible woman for
months, talking words without wis.
dom, repeating opera gossip, or play
house slang You mistake the sex, if
you wish to gain their favor by this
means. While you they are smiling
at your small wit, they are only
laughing at your great folly. have
sojourned with ladies', who had more
cense in their little finger, than you
could squeeze from a dozen of such
brainless heads, as you see daily,
leaning on the door posts and lintels
Of the Astor, for support.
If you wish to gain the affections
Of virtuous woman you must speak
to her in tho words of "truth and
sobcrncss;" if you do not, you have
no business in her company; ladies
often suffer martyrdom when from
politcncss or pity they are compelled
to sit for hours, hearing, (not listen
ing to) the small talk of some biped
on whom Madam Nature had been
toiling all day to form his handsome
person but getting tired Of the job by
sundown, had rolled him from her
work bench forgetting to put brains
in his head.
AS I said before, Mr.. Bachelor, if
you don't want that lady to become
yonr wife, the sooner you take your
self off the better; you perhaps see at
distance worthy, modest, quiet,
bashful young man, who would gladly
give a dollar per minute for the next
half hour, could he only occupy the
place on the sofa which you now fill
with your useless identity; if you wish
that lady to become your partner for
life, tell her so like man Of sense.
She docs not want q monkey without
nerve, muscle, sinow, or brain in his
frame; and whose most prominent
point Of distinction is, wild goats
beard prospecting from The neither
circle of his under lip; she wants a
strong arm to lean Oh for support and