Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1853-11-25
Turnpike and Divorce.

Turnpike and Divorce.
One winter there came from Trenton two
men named Smith and Jones' who had both
Of them designs upon the legislature. Jone;
had a bad wife and was in love with a wo
man; he wished to be divorced from his bac
wife, 50 that he might marry the pretty wo
man, who by the way, was a widow, witt
black eyes and such ADJUST! Therefore Jone:
came to Trenton to get divorce.
Smith had good wife, plump as a tortoise,
good as an angel, and the mother OF ten chill
dren, and Smith did not wish to get diyorced
but did want to get turnpike or plank road
from Pigs Run to Tamapin Hollow. Well
they, with these different eTandS, came to Tren-
ton, and adressed the assembled wisdom with
the usual arguments. lst suppers mainly,
composed Of oysters, with rich back round
Of venison. ID, liquors in great plenty, from
Jersey Lightning,(a kind Of locomotive at full
speed reduced to liquid shape,) to Newark
champagne. Tospeak in plain terms Jones
the divorce man, gave champagne supper
and Smith, the turnpike man, followed on
with a champagne breakfast
Under the unmohfying influences ofthose
appliances, the assembled wisdom passed the
divorce and turnpike bills; and Jones and
Smith leach with Il copy of his bill in his
pocket went home rejoicing over miles OF
sand, and through the tribulation of many
stage coaches. Smith arrived home the next
evening, and as he sat down in the parlor, his
loving wife sat beside him; how pretty she
did look and five children asleep over head
the other five studying their lessons in the
corner of the room, Smith was induced to eX-
plate upon the good results of his mission to
Trenton.
"a turnpike my dear-I am one of the
directors, and will be president; it will set us
up, love; We can send the children to aboard
inc school, and live in style out of the toll.
Here is the charter, honey"
Let me see ii" said the pleasant wife, who
was one Of the pleasantest of women with
plumpness and goodness dimpled all over her
face; Let me see it," and she leaned over
Smiths shoulder, pressing her arm upon his
own, as she looked at the parchment. But
all at once Smiths face grew long. Smiths
wite's yisage grew dark. Smith was not pro-
fame, but now he ripped forth an awful oath.
"D--nit it, wife, Those Internal scoa0,d-
refs at Trenton haze di0orccd as :"
1t was too true. The parchment which
he held was a bill of divorce, in which the
name of Smith and Smiths wife appeared in
frightful legible letters. Mrs. Smith wiped
her eyes with the corner of herapron. "Here 5
aturnpike," she said sadly, and with the whole
ten children staring her in the face, Il amt
your wife Here's a turnpike."
oh the turnpike, and the legisla-
ture. and the--r
Well, the fact is, that Smith, reduced to
single -blessedness, enacted into a stranger to
his own wife, swore awfully. Although the
night was dark and the ost of the denizens
of Smiths village had gone to bed, Smith
babe his late wife to put on her bonnet, and
arm in arm they proceeded to the house Of
the clergyman of their church.
Goodness bless me-" exclaimed the mild
good man, as he saw them enter, Smith lock
ing like the very last June shade, and Mrs
Smith wipiug her eyes with the corner Of hel
apron, Goodness bless me. what's the mat
teri"
1.-The matter is, I want you to marry us two
right off, said Smith.
Marry you." CALCULATED the clergyman
with expanded fingers, care you drunk OF
crazy!'
Il amt crazy, and 1 wish I was drunk,
said Smith desparingly. The fact is, brother
Goodwin, that some scoundrels at Trenton
unknown to me, and at the dead of night
have divorced me from my wife, the mother
of nine children"
"Ten, suggested Mrs. Smith, who was cry
ing. Here's a turnpike!"
Well, the good minister, seeing the state 0
the case, married them over again tralghtwa!
and would not take fee.
The fact is, grave as lie was, he was dying
to be alone SO that he could give vent to tn
suppressed laughter that was shaking him al
over.
And Smith and Smiths wife went hom
and kissed every one of their ten children
/ The little Smiths never knew that their fathe
and mother had been made strangers by leg
/ isatiye enactment.
Meanwhile, on the same night, Jones re
turned to his town-Burlington | believe
and sought that fine pair of black eyes, whicl
he hoped shortly to callhis own. The prett
widow sat BY him on the sofa white hand
kerchief tied carelesslv round her throat, he
black hair laid in silky waves against he
rosy cheek
Divorce is theword." cried Jones, playful,
patting her cheek. The fact is, Eliza, In
rid Of that cursed woman, and You and I'll b
married tonight know how to manag
those scounderls at Trenton. 4 champaign
superior was it breakfast p did the bushes
with them. Put on your bonnet and thing
and let US go to the preachers at once, dear
est"
The widow, who was among widows q