Daily evening star. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1852-1854, 1853-03-11
A Miserable Joke.

FRIDAY, MARCH II, 1853.
A Miserable Joke.
The editor of the New Orleans Crescent
o great joker and great Wing, by the way
gets off the following on Inauguration day.
Oh! the unfeeling wretch !!
1--WE never applied for an Office, and do
not expect to annoy Gen. Pierce in the pre-
misses. But We may, nevertheless, give our
democratic friends few hints as to the best
mode of procedure.
In the first place, we advise every man
Of them to get sufficiently large number
Of letters, SO as to employ Gen. Pierce at
least one entire day in reading his personal
recommendations. The new President was
elected to attend to the interests of the peo-
PIE, and not the least important, if not the
first Of them, is to see that oil patriots who
voted for him, are properly supplied with fat
Offices, as the first duty of a victorious Gen
eral on entering captured city, is to see
ihat his troops are comfortably quartered.
In the second place, We advise every
aforesaid patriot to draw up biographical
sketch Of himself, unless at some time he
had the misfortune to be a rascally whig, in
which case the biography may be omitted
as unnecessary. At the same time, a lengthy
and elaborate memorial, with the is dotted,
tine IS crossed, few full stops, capital let
tiers and italics in the right place, and all
the words spelt correctly, should 20 to the
White House.
In the third place, We should advise him to
forward his daguerreotype. If he be un-
consciously ugly (as most locos are, Pierce
may take pity on his misery of ugliness, and
dseming it the deplorable result of four
years of wing rule and democratic s,arva.
ton, give him snug Office. If lie be hand
some, land some of our democratic friends
are accidentally handsome) Pierce may ad-
niire his beauty, and think, being as "pretty
rs picture" he might answer instead of
that ornament, in custom-house, post
Office, mint, etc. We apprehend, however,
mat beauty will be no recommendation as
fierce will be apt to suspect that such
sood-looking fellow must at some time or
mother have been a good whig.
In the fourth place, if our democratic
friend can scrape up the cash, We advise
him to visit Washington to express to Pierce
in person, his ecstatic delight at his ops
success, with gentle insinuation that a
good patriot would be happy to assist him
IN managing matters, and initiate him at q
distance, by drawing moderate share of
Uncle Sans coin. We might add, that a
wife and six small children, or some half
dozen dependent (if possible, aged rela-
tives, forty second cousinship to promi-
hent democratic Congressman, etc., may all
lie effectively used.
As for cur whig friends in the Custom
house, Post Office, Mint, etc., We suspect
that Pierce may take it into his head, very
shortly, to dispense with their services; in
point of fact las Micawber would say,) they
will "walk the plank" In the mean time,
they need not go to the expense Of buying
Grape. Indeed, we would advise them to
,conomize in the matter of coat tails, rich
dinners and opera boxes, read Bossuet on
the vanity of earthly things, set their
houses in order, and prepare themselves to
endure with CT ristian fortitude their mel
ancholy fate"
OFFICIAL CoRRECrIoN.-The Evening Star
announced that Peter C WASHINGTON ESQ