Daily evening star. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1852-1854, 1853-09-05
LEROY JENKINS.

country of St-ff-d, in Virginia, and
passing along rarely frequented road,
heard a..noise that at once attracted nv
attention. 1t was soliloquy in very
loud key, and interlarded with an ,cca-
sional oath to prove that the soliloquy was
in earnest. Guiding my horse in the
direction of the voice, | saw a fellow
about half corned, deliberately cutting a
long hickory switch, and talking to him
self at the same time with great deal of
earnestness. | thought at first that he
intended to whip the horse that stood
hard by, and [ was about turning and
when new set ofphrases in his self-talk
arrested me at once, and made me q
witness of the following scene:
" Well now, Leroy Jenkins, expect
you'll catch goss in little while. 1t
won't belong first, before Leroy Jenkins's
hide gets painted some. I'll paw YOU,
Leroy Jenkins, for all this, you trifling
cuss you"
Being in some doubt whether Leroy
Jenkins was the name of the horse, or
some expected combatant, whose prepar-
ations, of character similar to those |
hrve mentioned, were quietly progressing
a short distance off, | determined to wait
the issue of those fierce threats-and
throwing my leg over my saddle, 1 pre-
pared TO become calm spectator of the
fight, and perhaps An umpire when one
party or the other got enough.
My friend of the hickory, as soon as he
had cut and trimmed the switch and sat-
isfied himself Of its elasticity and and
broken strength, laid it down on the
ground, talking all the time in very tru-
culent manner of Leroy Jenkins. De-
liberately taking off his coat, and laying
it on log, he took up his fail, and the
first heard of his succeeding soliloquy,
was about as follows:
"Now, Leroy Jenkins, ain'tyou ashamed
of yourself, you nasty hound pup, and l
am just now going to give you your Bit
ters, you internal mean reptile, you.'
In the meantime leaned little for
ward to catch glimpse of his antagonist,
but though the coat was comparatively
clear, | could see no human face, save that
Of the speaker, and l was now very sure
that he did not mean his horse, for he
took an opposite direction. I had small
time, however, for reflection, for his speech
waxed warmer, he stepped little forward
and aimed sort of back-handed blow
that descended with a keen sound and
considerable force on-his oacn back!
"There, you internal devil, take that,
and that, (shrow, shro,r, the switch de-
scended.) That's for your meanness,
Leroy jenkins. Now, sir, what are you
going to tell your wife when you get home
about the money you got for. your eggs
and huckleberries, you pup? You spent
it for liquor, did you? There take that,
sir, (shrow, shro,r, shror.) She told you,
Leroy Jenkins, to buy her looking-glass,
and enough calico to make her chicken
bonnet, and where are they, you darned
cuss, you? Gone for liquor, hey ? (shrow,
hrosv, shrou.) Well, l don't care if it
does hurt, it serves you right, Leroy Jen-
kins, for making beast Of yourself, and
fooling your poor wife, you mean whelp,
you. You know, sir, when you left home
she said you could not pass Simmon' s
grocery without spending all that money.
You know she did, don't you? Now,
sir, take that, (shrow, shrow.) And didn't
you promise her you wouldn't 20 near
Simmons, and you would!be sure to buy
her nice dress, and the prettiest kind of
calico for her bonnet? Didn't you, now,
you cussed mean dog, you? Yes, sir,
you know you did, (shrop, a.ror, shrow,
and the hickory descended with frightful
keenness.) And, Leroy jenkins, what
made you such fool as to 60 by SIM
mons at all, when you saw Tom Walker
standing in the door ready to treat you,
and drink up all your money? What
made you do that, d--n you? (shro,r,
shrow. Well. sir, I'll pay you for this,
(shrow, shrow.) You'll 60 to town and
spend your wife's money for whiskey
again, will you?" land the blows were
now perpetrated with more frequency
than his words.)
Although almost dying with suppressed
laughter, watched the infiction of this
self:acting punishment which was bestow-
ed with far more zeal than were the thou
sand of stripes whereby Sambo was to
disenchant the lady-love of his master.
At length Leroy jenkins stopped, either
through pure exhaustion or because he
thought the delinquency was sufficiently
punished. @
Throwing away his switch, which by
this time was frayed at the end, he re-
sumed his coat and his speech:
Now, Leroy Jenkins-now, sir, you've
got licked, too, this time; and the very
next time you do this trick, I'll Just
fairly take the hide off of you. You hear
that, don't you and now go home, sir,
and beg her pardon, you mean cuss, you"
| slipped away mperceiyed by this
justice dealing culprit; but 1 never think