Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1853-06-03
To this, SAKE happily responds
Wit and iIumor.

Wit and lIumoT.
A Frenchman thinks the English language .
IS very tough. "Dare is look OUT" he says,
Switch is to put out your head and see; and
lookout, which is to haul in your head and not
for to see-just contraire."
a. "Ive five cents left" said a loaier, " so
III buy paper with it." "What paper will
you buy: :" said a friend, curious TO learn the
literary taste Of his acquaintance. "a paper
of tobacco" replied the loafer
The Chinese punishments of offences a.
gainst the law are peculiar Sometimes a cul-
prit is whipped to death with bamboo some
times squeezed between two boards SO that
from sharper he is converted into fiat.
An editor, speaking of dandv's dckey,
says 1t was scented and torn like a south
wind after passing through fence made of
thorn bushes.
(Which would You rather kiss-the Pope's
toe, or Harriet Beecher Stowe"
O. Why are six ring tailed monkeys, sus.
pending themselves from palm tree, picking
cocoanuts, more truthful than james, the
novelist? Because they depend for support,
not upon works of fiction, but upon tails Of
real life.
c. A man having asked GLOW many dog
days there were in a year." received for an
ewer that it was impossible to number them.
"as every dog has his day."
"Madame," said a cross tempered physician
to a patient, "if women are admitted to para
disc, their tongues would make it purgatory"
Sand some physicians, if allowed to practice
there" replied the lady, would soon make it a
desert"
An illiterate correspondent, who is given to
sporting, want. to know when the "Anglo sax
on race SO much talked about, is to come Off
"There's your money, dolt. Now tell me
why your scoundreIy master wrote me eight
cen letters about that contemplate sum !" said
an eXasperated debtcr.
"Tm sure sir, can't tell sir, but ifvou'll ex-
cuse me sir, think it were because seventeen
letters didn't fetch it !"
A Frenchman who proposed to establish
school in New Orleans, having heard that
high school would be most respectfully pat
ronlzeJ, took room in the garnet Of a four
story house,
One fellow thinks that women ought to
make good morning paper printers, as many Of
them have long been accustomed to sitting up
late for steamers.
"A flock Of sheep composed of all 'wethers,
may be sad 10 resemble our climate"
The man who is always bchind-hand has
recently purchased several bottles of hetchur
- A little boy was lost in South Boston
on Tuesday evening, and after n great search
had been made for hlnl, and much alarm had
been created, application was made to the
teacher Of the school where he attended, for
II INF rs bn
at first thought she had dismissed the boy as
usual, but upon rubbing up her reflective pow
ers little, was enabled to remember that she
had shut him IN IA closet, by way Of punishment,
and had forgotten to let him out.
- There is fellow in California so ex,
travagant that he kndes the fire with bank
notes ; and skates on ice cream.
A .fe,c can touch the magic string
And noisy fame Is proud to WIN thcm,-
Alas for those that never sing,
But die piM their music in Mcni
- The Laatcrn has a capital hit in the
form Of picture Of "A Railroad director being
forced by couple Of slaIwart fellows into a
car of bls own line, against his will.
PEA SOUP.
OF ali the P's IN Johnsons Dictionary,
It-tdIu, t'lusG, lG-TuRe, lie tiIlON0fy,
Peacock, Peculiar Pe-dant, and Penal,
Pe-remptory, Pe-nates, and Petal,
Pe-cunlary Periphery, and Perish,
Perennial, Pe-tresceut, Pcc-vsh;
The | most approve Of all the group,
Is Pea, the son Of Pod, and sire OF Soup!
- There is no truth in the rumor, pub
lished in the Bratteboro Eagle, that Eng, on,
of the Siamese twins, had eloped with Chang
wife.
Some wag Of wing postmaster in the int
rlor of New York has just sent n lock of IN
hair, sealed in the wax with which his bundl
of returns for the quarter ending on the BOT
March last is secured. 1t looks much as thoug
intended as an ntimation that his scalp (oni
cal) is ready for the yictors, whenever the
please to take it,
o. Some calculating Yankee says tina
taking the cubic yard of gold at $2,000,00I
which it is in round numbers, all the gold
the world, at this estimate might, if melted il
to ingots, be contained in a cellar "a fee
square and sixteen feet high. All our boaste
wealth, already obtained from California an
Australia, would 60 into an iron safe, nine fec
square and nine feet high