Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1853-04-14
MISCELLANY Y.
The Bachelor and the Baby.

no There was no one at home except baby g
mother, and baby, and /. Baby had just gone
TO sleep, when baby's mother remembered a
tri6ing commission which she had promised to
execute for me ia, the village. With an in
junction to touch the cradle if baby awoke, she
departed, leaving me proud Of my new en-
ployment, and lulled by past immunity into a
state Of fatal security. History is full of SINH
liar examples.
With one eye on my book. and the other on
the cradle. like faithful watchdog, listened
to the petreaaiag football that should have
warned me, bat did not, 'tO look cut for
SQUALLS had no idea Of the awful response
bility which had taken upon myself, or
should have shrunk from it as cat does from
water, or mastif from churniug machine
In fact, rather suspect that felt, 10 trifing
degree, Ambitious that baby should open one
eye-only oae-that [ might have the pleasure
of shutting it again. Unwary mortal! How
little do we know when we are vel! off! My
ambition was bat too soon to be grati6ed; l
had yet to learn by bitter experience how
weary is the lot of those who-tend on babies.
wonder whether infants are conscious in
their sleep of their mothers absence, aud
know that an opportunity has arrived for 'cut-
ting up their didoes,' - M
The baby, over whose siumbers had be-
come the guardian genius-how the flies
pitched into its nose was as sound asleep as
any baby could be when its mother departed
but no sooner had her shadow faded from the
room than symptoms of wakefuuess began to
appear. First came a sigh; then a chuckle,
that said as plain as chuckle could say
+Now for some fun : then one eye opened and
shut, and then both began 2eeping about, till
the head seemed inclined to bob off the pillow.
felt little nervous at these symptoms
only little. 'Poh!' said to myself, "a roll
or two of the cradle will soon settle your busi
ness, youngster' But it did not Baby was
bound to have spree. 1t knew that its
mother was out That big, bothersome, blue
bot,le fy, too, tired Of watching for the ship
over the clock face, started on voyage of dis
covery on its own account, and the first prom
ontory which it reached, was the nose of the
baby, tempting spot, upon which it landed
for refreshments, buzzing most villainous as it
did so. 1t was ticklish landing, however,
and baby soon drove it off with a sneeze that
astonished its nerves. and mine, too, more than
the fy's, for the fly was accustomed 10 ticklish
situations, which was not. Baby was thor
oughlY reused. Up went lis round, chubby
arm but rock Of the cradle soon put that
back TO its place did rock that cradle beau
tifuIly. The little head rolled 10 and fro as
easily as if it had been fastened on by toy
mandarin S neck. / could not help admiriOg
myself for the way in which did it, and | am
sure that aug reasonable baby would have gone
to sleep again, if only for compliments sake
but the baby in the cradle didn't. The mo-
ment The rocking ceased, up popped the little
head, like Judy's in the show, with small
peevish cry That cry it was like the 'fzz-
ing of the fuse Of powder magazine, sure to
end in an explosion.
Were you ever reused in the middle Of the
night by the maid of-aIl-work coming in her
slippers and night-cap to inform you that the
house was on fire. Did you ever stand near
Dutchmau who was weighing gunpowder with
lighted cigar in his mouth. Did you ever
stand over the boiler Of Mississippi steam
boat, and expect every moment TO be landed on
the tree-tops halfa mile inland1 II not, you
cannot conceive my horror when l heard that
cry. was in cold perspiration from head to
foot. have no doubt that hai-stones as big
as peas might have been picked off my fore
head. rocked for dear life, and baby bounced
about like ball Of India rubber. But it was
all useless. sang all the songs that could
think of, from the cabalistc 'Hushabyn to
Cease, rude Boreas!' l tried tenor, and
tried bass; but the baby did not know the
difference. 1t seemed to think it all base
The louder sang, the louder II cried. 1t was
bawl and squall; and squalI beat. The cry
peevish became the CRY indignant, and the cry
indignant became the squall Imperative
Blue-bottIe buzzed with delight, and danced a
hornpipe on the window, while the clock kept
up a tantalizing Go it 60 itr
In an unlucky moment, l lifted the lite tenn
pest out of the cradle. Never, never, never
will commit such an act of thoughtless i'm
prudence again! Before | did SO, | could
have truly sung with the poet, The white
squall raves > but afterwards the fercest blasts
of Boreas seemed belching from that little
throat. n a a ra.f..H
In the hope of qu;eting the tornado, took
it in my arms, waddIed it to and fro the room ;
tossed it up and down till my shoulder ached !;
dandled it on my knees, now the right one,
now the left, but nothing would do. Like an
easterly gale, that multiplied squalI seemed to
be endless. felt really alarmed. Twas COM
pletely terrified. saw visions of conyulsions
and such like ills that infant flesh is heir to-
If 1 had been in the city, | am sure that a
crowd would have collected. | might have
been taken up and accused Of an attempt to com
NIT infanticide- perhaps been published IN the
papers as a wretch guilty of cruelty to dumb
animals. Dumb How wished that the
dear family organ had been Gumb even
ensied the deaf men that pick up clnders'
Hooked at the clock and exclaimed in de-
spair, when will the mother returnF and the
clock answered. with mOcking monotOny, mot