davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
DEVOTED TO SOUTHERN RIGHTS

marabouts, that desirable and scarce
satin, so beautifully trimmed and SO
luxuriantly beautiful for eight dollars.
Why, Mrs. Feathcrfcw, did YOU
think me insane y
'My husband thinks me so, and !
wish to return it, as | took it condi.
tionally.'
'Conditionally! no, madam, (and
Mrs. B. was ayitatcd) my work is
unlike most of my profession; l only
turn out for the ton. My prices arc
low, very low; your bonnet is an elc-
CANT thing, and you are the first lady
that ever disputed my price
But shall leave the bonnet with
you
But I shall not receive it. Here,
Eudosia, did you not witness the per-
emptory sale Of this hat!
Yes, marm.'
You mink, l never saw you be
FORE exclaimed Mrs. L.
Mrs. Fcathcrtcw, by law and jus
ticc I shall get my due, if you refuse
it. do all Mrs. Squire Skinhint's
work, and her husband is one of the
best of lawyers So saying, Mrs.
Blond slopcd into the back shop.
Poor Mrs. Fcatherfrw was 'in for
it, as VIC say in business phrase
She did agree to let the millincr s>nd
it, and worse than all the lcst, she
hdd ,1cceircI her MSJ m1 ubout IT,.
This made an entire change III his
feelings towards his wife. 1t was
not vented III Candle lecture, but
in that suspicious, taciiurn state Of
mind, which makes a man jealous
even without cause. Mrs. Feather.
few paid lor the bonnet, but carried
beneath it an aching head, and u
heavy hcart; for she ict that she lost
the confidence and esteem of her
husband, and rich sa,ins and mara
bout feathers arc of little value when
laid sssr al isa4l ss.!.lGa
beware, u.y friend ot' dnp'icity tc
thy husband-thc FIRST deceptive ~
detected is seldom forgotten, ant
were | called to testify What pro
luccd the most bitter alterations be
tween husband anI wives, | vcril,
believe first and foremost III the rank:
would stand Deception !-Bostoa
! Uirc Branch.
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
Clark Mills.

Col. b. L. Perry. of the Patriot:
gives us The following Information CON
ccrning Mr. Mills:
The history Of Clark Mills isa most
extraordinary one. He gave il To The
senior editor Of tic Patriot liina lt',iN
or seven years ago. Ic was at that
time taking casts and executing busts
in Columbia. We went to him to
make an engagement for "urSctt. and
the next day he called AT Our room IN
the hotel, prepared to take Il mould of
our head am! face and shuuldcrS.-
Whilst performing this operation he
commenced his narrative in regard TO
his OWE life and talents. lie !o!l US
he was Il good house p!a>lrrcr in
Charleston, aud did not know that lie
possessed amy faculty whatever for
sculpture or taking lkcncsscs. One
morning as he was going IT, his worl,
he passed hy Il door where II phrcmolu-
gist had hung up his sign, With Il notice
that skcplics were not charged for The
examination Of their hccd~. Ills in
dnccL him Ia 90 in and have his bumps
examined. Tho Phrcnologi>l said to
him, You have the organ OF sculpture
in very eminent degree, and if yoa
were to cultivate your talent you would
be very distinguished artist" Mills
replied to him, You have confirmed
Inc in my skcptcism. | never. had
any confidence i'll your pretended sci
cmcc, but if had, your account of my
own head would utterly destroy it.
am, sir, house pastcrer, and know
nothing about sculpture whatever -
The Phrcnologist rcrlicd, II don't care
wonderful degree, and sholifd cultivate
your talent" Mr.. Mills said the idea
that he possessed Il rare and valued
talent which he was not conscious Of,
haunted him night and day. But still
he never thought Of trying his talent,
for he did not know how to begin.
One day he saw an Italian going
through the streets Of Charleston with
q bust Of Napoleon in plaster, and he
asked him how it was moulded. The
ltallai pToIlliScu tO SNOW nli. ana ulu
50. lie caught the idea Instantly and
Was cnraptured with it, First he com.
mcnced likeness III plaster Of his
iathcr-in law, who had very prominent
features. 1t was the wonder ofa!i who
saw it. He then commenced taking
bnsts, as he was doing when we form
e,l his acquaintance. Next he chiscl-
cd in beautiful marble n bust of Mr..
calhoun, equal to any ever exccu cd
lot that distinguished Statesman. His
s3fYiends nov declared their Willingness
10 send him stossl Rome where he clnight
lsstg] y4sc.llp ptuie,Sand cultivate his sc.
RSnlsis. + For this purpose they provided
siiiais with funds and US he 'was pas.
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
u.s. DEMOCRACY NEWS, LITERATURE SCIENCE AND THE AT
!" Ggou-a1tu nt:r llattt,e Ralgu,'' 2


hands ofboth legs at tho same time!
Hc has no articulation offsound, but
speaks without moving his lips or
tongue. He measures when stand
ing erect thirty inches, and weighs
twcnty.scyen pounds.
->->-~->>>,-.---e o.. -~~o-~<-S~
ESCAPE FROM A TIGER. An Eng
lish paper describes the following cx-
citing incident 1,
On the evening of Christmas day,
as a young woman was carclessly
gazing at leopard in Balty's me-
nascric, now exhibiting at IIuddcrs-
field, she sauntcrcd within the reach
of the tigers den, when one of the
fcrocious animals thrust forth It's paw
through one of the wires, and seized
her by the coil of her plated hair be,
hind the crown Of her head. For
tunatcly woman, of slcndsr frame,
but heroic foltitude, was standing by
and saw the tiger seize its intended
prey. This woman, with cxtraordi-
nary presence Of mind, seized the
girl by the waist, and notwithstand-
Ing the terrific growing of the beast,
maintained her hold and pulled with
masculine yigor. The tiger still re.
tanned its grasp, and reared and
plunged tcrriiically. At this mo.
ment the struggle was fearful one.
The people inside the mcna.erie set
up shouts Of alarm, wlichscommuni-
Gated with the crowd outside, and
produced a scene Which may be bet
ter imagined than than described. -
At length the comb dropped from
her hair, the coil unfullctl, and the
young woman was rescued, leaving
the tigers pawfull Of her lair, and
a silk handkerchief which she had
thrown over her head when the tiger
seized her. The uniorti'nate girl
.talntetk, .but soon recovered again,
and ,s&c are happy to aA9I without.
Aaylns sustained any inin!lS hoYppdi
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
From the Cincinnati Nonparcil
a Romance in Real Life.

We were informed by the officers
Of the Eleventh Ward, of romantic
marriage that took place in that dis
trict Yesterday, the correctness Of
which is vouchcd for by our inform,
ants, as they were well acquainted
with all the parties.
a gentleman from Kentucky, "a
bachelor farmer, and possessed Of a
fair property in one Of the most pro-
.ductivc portions Of that State, recent,
ly made trip to this city, for rccrca.
ton, and whilst strolling through
the streets with friend, said, II
wish You would recommend me to
some lady, as I am seriously think.
ing Of matrlmony." His friend prom
iscd to aid him; and after parting
that evening, he called upon wild
ow lady, living North Of Hamilton
Road, between Poplar aud Locust
streets, with whom he had a slight
acquaintance, and informed her Of
his mission The widow, nothing
loath to change her situation, agreed
to risk the better or worse that might
cnsue, and gave her consent. The
ncgotiator then called upon his
friend, and informed him Of the pro-
grcss he had made that he had
found for him life partncr-on
whose many good qualities fitted her
admirably to become his wife. IIc
Immediately assentcd to the arrange.
ment, and agreed TO perfect the con
tract the next morning.
Yesterday morning he procured
his license, and in a carriage with
his friend, drove to the house of sthc
lady, and for the first time saw ard
vas introduced to his future bride.
She, all in readiness, stepped witt
him into the carriage, proceeded te.
;he LuthewanChurc lad the irreS
5Nocable knot Grml2 2ktied, and from
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
INSTRUCTIONS IN Kissing Some

INSTRUCTIONS IN KIssIyG.- Some
connoiscur in such matters has com.
munlcatcd the lollovinr rulps w[;ch
he ayers lave been alHntcd NV Mil.
llca.cd married gentlemen When
thcv assume the priyilcpc Of kiss;ur
their younr and beautiful cousins
They Certainly seem to haze formed
a very accurate conception of the
proucr manner IN which tL;s ;nno
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15

sing Washington he WAS engaged to
make the equestrian statute of.Jackson.
In his poverty and olscurity in
Charleston, whilst working Mt his
trade of house plastcrcr, he kept n
bear and Il dog, g,fwhicb he would make
fight for fourpcncc. Between this
exhibition of his dog and bear, and
with the assistance OF his trowcl, he
made his living in a sort of way, and
would, in all probability have died in
these humble pursuits, but for the
Phrcnologist. Who can laugh at phrc-
nology, after this, as Il humbug, and
not Il scicucc. Immediately after Gov
ernor McDuilic had made his great
speech in the Legislature in favor Of
giving the election of Electors otPrcs-
idcnt and Vice President to the poo
pie. some member ass;iilcd the South
Carolina College rs cntaling. on the
State II very heavy expense to not
much advantages, Judge llugcr re-
piled 10 the member, and said that if
the College had never pl oiuced aloth.
cr graduate than Mr.. McDutiic, the
State Of South Carolina would he am
ply compensated by Him alone for
all that she had spent on tliut In
Stitution. So we say in regard to
phrenolngy, that if this science had
never done any other good to the
world than of developing the genius Of
Clark Mills, it would be enough to cu-
dear it to the world.
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
4 WIID ROy -Vhnro - . GIN,

4 WILD BoY.-l'hcre is q singu.
lar exhibition in Philadelphia, which
is perhaps worth the attention Of
Barnum. x
tits described as "a wild boy'--hc
is douhlcdj jointcd; goes on all fours;
sees with the whole pupil Of his eye;
lives on bread and water alone; pos,
scsses great strength in his arms and
legs, although no muscles are dis
cernabe. lie has been examined
by great numberSof medical gentle
men, and the reason they give ofJhis
not walking erect is that his heart
lies dirsctlyinthe eentroof his body,
Which compels him to, move both
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15

proPrlate "eeSS 81 .ss In
man than the sca' 5 y
Change. SIS l1.ls. y
DO ycu? Just. suppose
q forlcrn sick bachelor, in FTes
per story Of some noisy boardihg'
house, whose inmates don't lcare a
pinch of snuff whether YOU con.
clude to die or get well. Suppose
you've watched that spider id the
corne.l weave his web, till you are
quite qualified to make one yourself;
suppose you have counted, for Me
thousrndth time, all the shephcrdds-
ses, distorted little dogs, and crook,
ell trees, on the papcred wall Of
yonr room; gnawed your finger
nails to tho very quick. and twi;ch.
cd your mnstachc till every stands
up on its own individual rcsponsibili-
ty. Then suppose, just as you are
at the last gasp, the door opens gen.
tIy, and admits, (not a great crcak
Ing pair of boots containing an orac.
ular, solemn NJ. D., grim enough to
frighicn you into The churchyard. but
a smiling, rosy checked, bright
eyed, nice little live acomqn doc
trcss, yet?
We'll, she pushes bacl; her curls,
throws oft her shawl, (Yenus! what
a figurc!) pulls Oft her glove, and
takes your hand in those little fin.
gers. Hoy MotAcr! .Ho,o your
pulse races She looks at yon so
compassionatoly from those soft blue
eyes; lays her hand on Your fore
head, and then questions rflcm-
urc!y about your IS ysssss ~. n ticSc
Of which she secs WftIi5 3D. Of
Your help!) Then size Issa.5s a pre-
scription With these dainty little fin
gers, and tells you to Ascp ve,ycom-
posed and quiet, (inst as ifyon
coull.) smooths the tumbled quilt
arranses your pillow shades the
glarins sunlight from your aching
eyes, With an instructive knowledge
Of your unspokcn wants; and says,
with the sweetest smile in the
world, that she'll call again in the
morning. aud so-tho fold of her
dress ilntters tlronglft tho door; and
then you crawl ont ofbcd tho best
way You. can clutch looking glass.
Istosee Mhat@lhe Rf0ha biliecssare tlat
Ilgyel have made q efable insftres.
l,Sssorl lrlWaraly iles9 as YOU
teplacc ostlscif hetAs cen blslig,
Ssets9 apf f,ct tIilite3 &ell ae a.
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15


PREMoNIToEv SYMproMs OF AN OLD
BAcnElon Which he cuts certain
number Of little square bits Of paper
every nj ght. and lays them on his toilet
table, ready TO wipe his razor " hen he
>huvcs III the norninm-Nm'sa a Synr-
tom. When he carries his fingers per-
trctly straight in his gloves, for ,ar Of
Fiction on The kmucklrs-tLufsa sylnr-
tom. When he leaves friends house
IN the middle of the evening, 10 avoid
y walk home with lady-Mufs
symptom. Wllc.. he Keeps his hat on
in a lecture room Till the latest peinlit-
ted minute: on account oF q dsalt--
klz.f = -i'E.it-,aa- -
large muustavho SSEiSSS3c6rtl 10 crIcJai
certain dciec,a--N1f3 q sUapton,.-.-
| When he turns a huge coat collar mp
over his cars, every time there's II
cloud in the sky-chm's II symptom.
When he refuses hymnbook in
! church, because he don't like to be seen
usi:@ glasscs-Mut'S Il symptom
| When he can't e" to sleep till he has
a$crrtancd whc,!. the seam Of tic
| sheet is precisely in the middle OF the
| brd-A0tS IL symptom. When an
anthracite fire and waddcd wrapper
have greater charm for him than a
pair Of bright eyes, jiingling sleigh
bells, and a tc!c-a-tcie under buffalo
r"hr--HHtS a symptom. When Il
whi,kry punch and q flannel night-car
arc the ne EiUs Hiiru OF lis earthly
ltlicily--MGt'sa symptom. When he
calls women 'hnmbugS; says 'p*Ilaw..'
t" children, and has Il growing PARTIAL
~ for stuffed rocking chairs and well
aired lincn--that's a symptom.
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
5 H'H3gs NJ ss---Tsyo Dollars Per Al is.S I, s,ss
{e.. i n Adivailcc.e sfiF
~ o..

,she will come to see you. Elf,
ll.hesnpshet !. ofsit is, you have de-
.hSltful lingering attack fsheaast com. IS
70 For + myself, | preferprescfi
ma ma mascnline hand! slant submit
my pulse to anythiugSthat aoessgs 8 lt I
Jonnett. Il sNNyll n T,,p s
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
D I'D -'''ES 80 s',a.--

!, Good The Bayou Sara Ledger
tells the following story: lSs
y gentleman told us am am cd as
tic other day, which We think:is toos
good to be lost. He said that 81
rich old fellow who used to i've esfiifn3 lEi
the ncighborhood Of Natchez Mis-
sissippi, used to keep a carriage q !! and an
a a PAR OF, horses for his daughters sex.i
elusive elusive benefit, and, as a matter n Of
fourrse, the young ladies used sto' s.
Nako good use Of them; scarcely IIiy
: day passed over their heads thas
did not find them going to or COM
ing from Natchez. The old man, in ia {
The meantime, you must: reeollect.
was very close in matters of mo-
uey. The horses began to look thin
so thlnlthat one would have SUP.
posed that their only provender was.
barrel hopes, shavings, or some
thing similar. One day the old GEN
tleman was standing in front Of ono
OF the principal hotels in NatcEez,
.Mhon his carriage rolled past, and
his horses we're made the subject Of
conversation: The old gentleman
SAID he could not account for their
6e'ng SO poor, he was sure. that ,llef.
had done all in his power to u make
them look decent, and had tried all.
most everything, but the confeoounded
horses never would improve.
.Meester, said a raw Irishman,
giving the old gentleman a qulgzieal
.leer,=as he continued, Did ye iyers
tary corn?,' ,'s ;lss.l 81
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15


He CAsE OF Htf,' uENERAL
rAlNES y ET ANoTHEN I NlAL.,"lt
M1'l DC rrcoi'ect@H oY onE rcN'ers
mat 'he 'oh2,cohteSie1 SN!f pHI"ceh
Mrs: Genera! Ha'ncS A"n FS"eFS, IN
Voi'inS 'Ne F'S4' an" w" 20 sever
al 'n''''Vhs worm oi ?FGleFiHH ID LOU
'Slann, Missouri, ahu e!Se"%cI' "as'
prcmc Court Of the United c;tGtcs
against Mrs. Gaines W. ere now
informed that she is resolve" 70 give
the other side another t'l", upon an,
other issue, IN the courts \! LculSl-
ana, based upon The viii (Nmch
Is lost) OF her lathcr, lhc iaic Da'ieI
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15
lEygI I S {, & L "a N E OUS S
tElle yVil,tc. lso,a.let

81 ~ 'E lgsSVillfci.5 5AsOiiHpet.
.s ID youE think $straws will be worn
This winter? Inquired Mrs. Feather
4 ii q f. Irs. Blond, hcr-milincr.
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15


Featherfew;; trimmed with velvet,
1.-THE mako ii sweet runabout affair;
bns $foMabsolute dress, ] distinctly re-
ognisei in my vocabulary drawn sat,
I ms and watcred silks. I have a
pretty aiticleso on hand. Here is a
5brench Ehatr- Ihave never shown it
before; SitWouldmake you delight
t$ful ornament for the head; pink flow
GERS inside, soabecoming to your com
8aplexion;a ID beautiful feather, drooIing
in2 "a ssnegl ge5 Manner all French,
purely FrencbrMrs. Feathcrfew; and
that ID what few lnilliners have save
myself. Let me sell it to you to.
day
sS. wmuch do you ask for it; Mrs.
Blond
!s5 81 oa shall have it for eighteen
dollars, said Mrs. Blond in a low
stone;ssantl$thatis two dollars less than
ssliallSeyer offer it to another per-
son; but you, Mrs. EeathcrIew, are
.sione of my best customers! How
s8eetlysyour last summers hat has
Worn 8
Butt faded 2wretchedly.'
.,Wcll, You know no lady wants a
shonnet5to ourlivel one season, Mrs, +.
issSSou can sell it, to one of your. do,
Ssstics, | d6p't doubt, for half You
gave me: Come, come, what say
You, shall Issend the bonnet to your
4 house ~ Let yonr. husband see it,
.sSS:and we5Swill make it all right as re-
cards price.
But, said Mrs. f !, 'mj husband
will thinkSnie 80 cXtravasant. How.
f5eRelssa said she, castngsa glance at
M S,i3 E ~
it, 'o'E'A@SSs y =
The bonnet went, and with it the
hill, enclosed in the crown. Mr..
Feathcrtew was not inhis best humor
this day-ousincss matters plagued
3s him, and hiswite saw that the Frcncl,
That was an8untimcly arrival. Never
stheless, she always said she could
manage lierN husband to a CHARM
Some Women arc queer, let the men
say as theY$will. sl
Mrs. Fcatherfew had a headache
a pain III her side, Slight cough =
5. all Snews5l diseases. Now there was
nothing in the world distressed Mr..
Il II. i Hike a sick wifr. She looked de-
5iected which quickly awakened his
s!ssymhathies.s
5<l ieWife. said he .you ouyht TO take
mo more exercise ; e, il tthe the omen air-morc
excitement
Mrs. lfeatherfew cou .,hca and
I 1sii,gsheiI: r
You5tloana't tEsayyou have suffered
4 this fine. day to pass. and vet YOU
have STAYED at home
#i No, dcar:iI went as far as Mr.
Blond's, M milliner's. She is inun
dated switlrfasbions, husband. could
not ril myself Of her cntrcotics not,
swithstantlins my, head ached so, and
she has sent 4 bonnet for your inspcc
I& ton. Here it's said she, taking
sups.he bandbox. sIsn't it love Of
;sasssssi sing; SO becoming. what say You
sshallI kneI 3 Il. .
.giqhts dollars only! very cheap
ssiisnstsiit5?lsi5 81
SWELL, / don't know; such ccw
gaws are cheap; you can keep il or
s%s not 5as syo,I choose'
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15

iio>S~>3 ~ q II ~
an OId 'ifaN
and women bu(tS% 3
The shortest wa 81
is down his throat. s.
Mans love is like the mooH:<
does not grow larger, it is sure
grow smaller.
a man may "do good by STEALTH"
but as for his blushing "to find it
FAME" that's all nonsense.
Man shrinks from cold meat.
Does this arise from mans innate pre-.
sumption Of always ruling the roast2
Man takes a woman with a dow
ry in the same way that he accepts
the hamper that brings him a hand
some present Of game.
Men have two ways Of cxtingnish.
ing the flame Of love: they either
let It burn out quietly, Or else they
snuIrit ont by one blow.
III a dilemma, during the time a
man has been standing like a
fool, fnmhling for an excuse, a wo,
man will have invented ten thousand.
Wives are often foolish enough to
sit up COR their husbands, but You
hear Of few husbands who have the
patience 20 sit up FOR their wives.
How many men there are who
think thew arc making themselves
exceedingly popular, wien they arc
only making themselves ex,rcmc-
y ridiculous.
Men have been pointed to me who
we're said to be gycat thinkers. l
lave watched them, and found them
very great thinkcrs-men who cvi
IDENTIFY thought a great dcal-hut'
then it was entirely Of themselves.
A HARD BoTToM.- 4 traveller on
his return from the State Of Ohio,
where he had been to purchase a
farm in that Gland of milk and hon.
cy," gave this account Of the State
Of Promise. "Sir-1as I was driy.
ing my team, observed a hat in the
patm | reached with my whip stick
to take it up from the mud, "What
are yon dong with my hat?n crcd a
voice under 1t. | soon discovered
under the chapcau, a eTothcr cmi-
grant, up to his ears III the miro,
Pray let INC help you out" said l..
"Ihank you," said the bcmi~cd trav.
cllcr, u have q good long legged
horse under nc. ..Who has carriQS mo
through worse slonghs than this, |
am only stopping to breathe ny nag,
as this is the finest footing I have
found in fifty miles. .
a Cincinnati Editor being asked
what is thene@s? replied: Sir, [
sell my news at thirtyScents a week,
on hyo selnfs a so lon s bother
INC ), & +
The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-02-15

olo, But Goop.-Bill II. swassnla
lIHg y Ayourney in II stage coach, oye
tic hiiiy roads ofNew Hampshire, and #
amused himself. on the way by & fre.
qnent resorts tothe comfort of, amyssss
terious black bottle which lie had With
hm. Suddenly the coach came s.irl l
contact with n large stone which, With
ont, doing any other Damage, deprived
Billy Of his equilibrium, and d osgn slle
rolled upon the ground. ss sssss
.IYot'n thunder yer dom said
Billy; how come vert tip oyer!2a 81, 81
4 he driver Informed him that the
stage had not been overturned at al
and the passengers assured Bill that
Jehn was right
Billy approached the vehickles again,
and rcmounted slowly to his former
scat outside.
Didn't unset. l'you say
Not at all, replied the driver.
"Wcll, ifsI'dn know'd that, said
Billy, Il scoulaaFAa' got Of II, z, AZ
GA SELL 80 Paddy, honey wilI
you nuY my watch 80
'1Nnd NNnd is isitabopt selling your sNSatcl1
yc are, Mike?"
2 'sTroih tits, darlint.' ss'
"N hats the price?''' Il
@Icn Shllngs and a mutclin Of the
creature"
'is the watch decent one
Sure lSe had4it twenty 81 ears, and
it never once des5sed mo-.
); veil, heey9s your lin; and now fell
me docs itCgo VOL ~
81 lss34d, an il goes faster than any
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