Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1853-08-26
Humorous.
- Who is the shortest man mentioned
in the Bible? Knee-high -miah.


- Who is the shortest man mentioned
in the Bible? Knee-high -miah.
- No WoNDER-The fellow who could
not sscontain himself,'' was found, upor
inquiry, to contain about q quart of thu
fluid extract of corn!
- Come here, sonny; can you tell me
what the four seasons are?'' "Pepper
mustard, salt and vinegar--them's wha
nanny always seasons WITH
- An Irish soldier, who came ovel
with Gen. Moore, being asked if he met
with much hospitality in Holland; go yes,'
replied he, "too much; was in the hospiia
almost all the time | was there
Fubhs, while recently engaged IL
splitting wood, struck false blow, causing
the stick to fly up. 1t struck him on the
jaw, and knocked out front tooth. "Ah,''
Said Bill, (meeting him soon AFTER 'syou
have had dental operation performed, ]
see." eyes," replied the sufferer, ssacci-
dental!'' And by such pun he revenged
himself upon fate.
ScHooLMAsrER.-s'Bill Tompkins, what is
a widow" BILL.-'sA widder is a married
woman that hain't got no husband, cause
he's dead. M.-"Very well, what is wild
ower?" B.-"A widderer is man that
runs after widders.' M.-"Well, Bill,
that's not exactly according to Johnson, bu
it will do.'
- beautifully gorgeous was the sunset
sky. The last notes of the summer birds
fell upon the ear as they retired to their
resting places in the green forest, and every
thing whispered of love, as | stood with my
loved one in a beautiful garden, RECALLED by
the odor of thousand flowers. Gently
drew my arm around her delicate waist, and
was about to impress kiss upon her lips,
when she looked me saucily in the eyes, and
with smile upon her countenance, said,
''Don't,'' and / /. don'ted
"A LOVE SCENE.-( Overheard and
Phonographically Reported by Phrederick
Phinephun.) "Phairest of phair," sighed
the lover, "phancy my pheelings phrom your
phather's phamily. Phew phellows, could
have placed the music with as much phor-
titude as have, and as pickle phortune
phails to smile on our loves, phind must
forego the pleasure of becoming your hus-
band. Phairest Phrances, pharewell phor-
ever!' 'sHold, Phranklin, hold!" screamed
Phannie. 81 will phollow your phootsteps
phorever." But Phranklin had gone, aud
Phannie phainted.
- A gentleman, wishing to be consid-
cred perfect sphraseologist and gallant,
had occasion to ask a lady one evening, to
hand him the snuffers, thus addressed her:
"Will your ladyship, by an unmerited and
undeserved condescenslon, please to extend
to your most obsequious, devoted and hum
BILE servant that pair Of ignipoent digesters
in order that the refulgent brightness of
that nocturnal luminary may dazzle the
vision OF cur occular optics more potently?''
Moonlight Nights.
How charming are these moonlight even
ings, and how suggestive they must be to
the ardent SWANS Of our city, of lively
commodities, bewitching objects, ice cream,
lemonades, promenades, serenades, and all
that sort of thing; but speaking of sere-
nades, how perfectly charming it is to be
walked from ones sleep by the sweet and
harmonious strains of an orchestra of cats!
Last night while we were snoozing soundly,
and sweetly dreaming of the ways and
means of obtaining an overwhelmingly funny
item, we were aroused from our slumbers
by the most charming duette ever poured
forth from brace of feline throats. We
threw open the shutters, and with patent
leather in each hand, we prepared ourselves
to execute the finale. Their catships were
perched upon the gable end of wood shed;
and We were passably good at taking notes,
and being DESTROYS withal, of obtaining an
item, we took down the following for the
benefit Of those who never experienced the
delights of serenade:
Yough wought, yough, sput yough wouph
Ongh yough ough wough ough waigh
Spough yough wough, sput yough wough.
Ouph wough, ough yough waigh!
TRANSLATION.
on come, my love, while luna bright,
With silver robe illumes the night;
Come, let us HE away, my dear.
For danger turks around us here
Ough wough spough sphut yough wouph.
Ough yough pugh wolgh oug waigh.
Spough sphut sphut spough orough,
Meau 6 m eawm ouaigh!
TRANSLATION.
Talk not to me of danger here!
Why, bless you, love, there's nought 10 fear,
And I'm resolved that here I'll stay,
And chant this lovely night away.
At this juncture-not liking her decision
we let slip both boots, and the next We
heard from our fair serenaders, was such .
confused mass OF spaughn and suffering
n Srnv hi L