Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1853-12-21
hit al,0 Gnnlor.

Exz5 An lriSn gcbtleIilan having party
to meet at a tavern, exclaimed, on arriving
and finding the room empty
so | am first after all
The waiter informed him that he was mis-
taken---that his friends had been there, but
were gone.
very well,' replied the Hibcrnian-sthen
l have made no mistake, for as they were all
here before me, surely ! was right in saying
was first otter all
nay- Two friends meeting after an absence
of some years, during which time the one had
increased considerably in bulk, and the other
still resenlbled only the sefigy of a man.
Said the stout gentleman, why, Dick, you
look as if you had not had dinner since
saw you last 'And you,' replied the other,
'look as If you had been at dinner ever since.
Eg@ An editor out west who was recently
elected 20 the Indiana Legislature, from
Wayne County, was so elated at his success
that he caught himself by the seat Of his
trowsers, and tried to hold himself out at
arms length. 1t is added, in postscript,
that be would have accomplished the feat,
If he hadn't let 90 to spit on his hands.
Esy@ Two men, in dispute, reflected up
on each others veracity. One of them made
the remark
Il never was whipped but once by my fa-
Their, and that was Tor telling the truth
q believe, them retorted the other, sthe
truth was whipped out of you, for you have
never spoken it since.'
nSsgT" a fellow walking through old Bailey
at the time of execution, when an Irishmaa
was TO be turned off, inhumanly bawled out
'Are you there always said you would
come to be hanged.'
sYou are a liar,' replied Pat, 'if it was the
last word had to spake did not come,
for was brought
Erasn what on airth ais these shirt but
tons, wonder2 Jest the mint l puts the
needle through 'em to sew 'em on, they splits
and flies all 10 bits
'Why, grandmother, them isn't buttons,
they's my peppermint drops, and how you've
been spiln' 'em.'
If.ag- A stuck up sort of a genius entered
shop in Philadelphia, and turning up his
nose at some apples in the window, exclaim-
ed
care those apples fit for hog to eat 2
Il don't know, try ttem and see was the
instant reply of the shopkeeper.
BE- Orr boy Sam wants to know what
is meant by the question he has seen in the
arithmetic: 'iow many rods make one acre?'
He says when he went to school, the mas
ter had only one, but he made good many
achers.
Eszg- illustrated with cuts,' said young
nrehin, as he drew his pocket knife across
the leaves OF his grammer. illustrated with
CUTS reiterated the school-master, as he drew
his cane across the back of the youngster.
rsS- sAil flesh is grass say the Scriptures
This fact was fully demonstrated in the mind
of our Devil when the COW chased him ur
street t'other day. No doubt she mistook
HIM for bundle of badly cured fodder.
sGS@ 'Pappy, can't go to the geological
rooms to see the cammomilc fight the rhisose-
hossP 'Sartin, my son; but don't get your
trousers torn. Strange, my dear, what q
taste that boy has got for natural history
asss@ pa, is PENNSYLVANIA the father of al
the other States ?
Certainly not, my child--why do you ask,
'Cause | see that all the newspapers cal
it Pa
fSy- Take company of boys chasing but
teriiies, and put loug-tailed coats on the boys
and turn the butterflies into dollars, aud YOU
will have beautiful panorama of the world
E.isFa How is it that trees eau put on new
dresses without opening their trunks Be
cause they leape out their summer clothing.
EsS~ Why is horse alf way through
gate like half-penny Because there is
head on one side and tail on the other.
se0ar Some ladies appear to regard them
selves as sort of houses, and to think tn
more they paint the better they look.
ssg~ Smms says if it wasn't for the hol
in the hoop you couldn't put it on the barrel
and then the barrel would burst.
Bsye There are three dangerous institu
tons in the world, viz kicking colts, prett
calico, and gunpowder.
ney- A fellow in Iowa jumped so high til
ether day, that he says he saw the dog-sta
wag his tail.
Roy If they split matches at the rate c
GO 600 minutes, why is it so difficult % &c
divorce
Bsg- What is in visible yet never out {
sights The letter /.
Nay- If small boy is a lad, will larg