The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1853-10-01
Death-hed Advice Of Hon. Simon
Smirk.
BY W. o. EATON.


Siuoh Smirk was on his death bed Ills sol
Samuel was standing by his side, and while he
was holding his fathers hand, his father spoke tC
him Us follows:
SAMMY am dying-at the age Of fifty four
wishyou TO pay strict attention to my dying
advice"
Father will"
"And wish you TO follow my advice after am
dead
II will father
SAMMY, the neighbo,s md all my friends .cll
me haven't an enemy ~ the world, and | be.
lieye haven't ! want you to understand why I
haven't. 1t is all owing to policy, Sam policy
aud nothing shorter. When was Of your aye
my boy, wasas poor az an old village horse
turned out 10 die, Age has at last broken me
down. hnt ANT poor, thank policy Follow my
example, and You will become a far richer man
than your father, Sammy, and die wiihou, an
enemy, AZ | do"
Samuel Smlrk wept, as in duty bound But
giIei and his handkerchief checked his ulteranCe,
aud 80 he said nothing.
III has always been my policy" resumed the
dying Smirk, Goavod giving offence to any one
No matter what people said to me or any one
else right or wrOIg--l have always endeayored
/ to forbear and submit, wherever could to be
calm on all occasions. and to aAold To avoid the
exhibition OF any sign Of resentment. by long
experience IN this, have found that by perseve.
fing to agree with every body, seemingly and to
Halter every body, is sure eventual guide to
universal popularity"
Bat have you never had any difficulty with
any one"
Not since was twenty one" said the dying
man, gasping for breath. Reach me a little
water aud wet my lips. They are too parched
( for me to speak plain. 1here--tben," he added
as his sou obcyed him "that will DO. and you
shnil be initiated into my invarIable invaluable
policy BE deiereDial Sam, dJierentul, and
control your temper, and fitter, wherever yon
get chance; have n bow, a smile, and a word,
and shake Of the hand Tor everyOol oly--mark
!Or every body, aud then YOU will get along"
But mustn't he friendly to williams, must r.
"frIendIyl IIumph. BE friendly to nobody;
only seem so Williams they Compose two.
lhnds Of the community; and they are the most
influential A. for the other third, though 1t i
well enough To keep thoir good opinion. they are
only subordinate ngeGt, IN the building up o. u
man But don't get aifron,cd with 'em. Oh no,
Sam, never do that Never kick dog, unless
you nre sure be hasn't any owner, then kick
away If YOU Ike r
not help smiling at this language
That's right" said the elder Smirk, al like
that. Smile again, sam, smile again. BY sm
ling have gained many freni But be careful
You don't smile at the wrong time. A smile Is n
powerful weapon, tut II must be used With judg
ment
DO you know, Sam, WHY was always such
a iayorlle with the wumeni'
mo, father
Il was always careful in the first pluce, to feel
my way with The womch; took care to under
stand then Characters, their sentiments, their
particular yan,ues dDd hobbies keeping my own
IDEAS in the background, I'll could cuncide with
tbeirs ] always took care never to speak dl,re
>pcctfully al he srx never, IN the presence of
a woman, called woman a woman, or 'ie
male | had but one nAme- lades--lor all the
feminine gender
How did you do when they differed aud asked
your opIhion'
i would agree with one, and at the same
time wink at the other silly, rs # to say, Its all
hunlbug, what AN | saying If woman was
ugly, Id praise her intellect Ii she didn't know
any ytbius III praise her virtue, lD this way
seldom msscd my mark fol 1t is very SELDOM
you find a woman that Is ugly, immortal aud a
fool in tho bargain. In fact 1t is hard work to
md any body who hasn't some good puln., or
who isn't susceptible tu fltery in some way or
other and man must Ge an ass who ildet,r
mined to fiItter, and make his hattery acCepta.
ble, cant seize hold OF some merit, in mind, in
heart, form or face of the person he wishes to
please, and iegung to admire 1t, makes that
person friendly.
Must be liberal or stingy'
oh, be liberal be liberal, BY all means said
the dying man, wtha ghastly smile-'that is
IN sentiment. Whenever a generous deed is doAe
exalt it to the skies Always praise generous
people. Clap your hands for the philanthropy,
and then clap them in your pocket aud keep them
there
Suppose begear asks aims Of me. or am
called upon TO subscribe to some charitable oh.
ject .
III any person bcgs, say, Certainly, my poor
woman, or my man, or my poor child and
then quickly feel in your pockets. YOU will
find no money, Of coUrsc, but you must say with
IA SIGH and tear in your eye, if you can scare
one up, i am really ashamed to say it but uuior
tunately haven't got a cent about me. II you
don't get n God bless you, for that, l'm ms
taken Iney.r found it to fail
Blu, a subscription
Read the paper, prajsc the object but say
that you have Just subscribed more than YOU
could afford, for another object Of a similar ma
ture.' II the applicant believes. BY this. that
you are IN the charitable line, he will let you off
Whereas If you refused, out and out, without an
explanation, he might abuse you behind your
back / have made myself 4 great reputation
for 6enevolence, merely by refusing to sub
scribe in this way. This is II queer world Sam
Here the old gentleman was seized with n
violent fit of coughing, which nearly took him
out Of this queer world
Il fear father, that talking so much will be ia
tai to you. said Samuel
No. no., resumed his father, 4 am determined
not to die till get through As | was saying
Sammy, this is queer old world and you cant
get along in it without religion
Without what I exclaimed the son, in amaze
mcnt. He had never heard him mention religion
before in his life.
Without religion Hire pew. by all means.
Talk religion occasionally can soon get the
hang OF it. Profess-and pratlce when you're
obliged to. But, at any rate, profess; it helps
fellow along in business. got some of my
most profitable customers and best friends by
protesting religion Pew rent is no object when
you come to think Of that
But if you belong to church, you will have
to defend its doctrines aud religious controver.
sizes create enmi,y-dont theyf
Sometimes. But whenever found was get,
ting into trouble on account of my religion, was
always careful enough to yield to point or two.
smile in christian like manner, and then back
out of the scrape That's the way to dot.
1T is best, | suppose to be some kind Of u
politcianl I inquired the son.
BY all means but take care and be always