The weekly Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1852-1855, 1853-02-03

this occurrence aud The time whfn the hap VI
py pair in question were seated at break !
fast.
Nov, Mrs. swallow said Solomon, see {
ing that can't awake To call you up in the
morning, or eat burned toast or drink raw
tea, &c, &C., il is time should begin to ~
struct you in your duties.
And what are those, Mr.. SwallowH
BE silent, madam, il you please; not to
talk but listen. is one Of the most import
ant OF them
Proceed, sir
And Mr.. Swallow looking daggers at her .
for the second interruption, proceeded:
From six til eight, you are TO get up
dress quietly, so as 10 create no disturbance,
light FIRE, air clothing and stockings, sweep
rooms, prepare breakfast, and announce the
perfection thereof Eight till ten wash tea
things, make beds, rub furniture and clean
windows. Ten TO twelve, 60 to Market
and prepare dinner. Twelve till two to
devote to dish-washing, sweeping up and
rubbing furniture. Two to six, spinning,
mending clothes, and darning stockings
Seven, tea. From that time till nine, sec
ond course OF mendiDg and darnlng, and
then 90 to bed! And this daily course, mad
am, with strict observance OF the rules OF
civility, frugality, decorum, and obedience,
may in time enable you to do honor to the
choice Of Mr.. Solomon Swallow
Mrs. Swallow listened quietly to the end;
and then mildly eDquired:
'And do you really expectth this OF me, Mr..
Swalowp
'To be sure do responded her spouse.
Then you'll be sadly disappointed, for
I'll do no such thing
'Nop
mo-
I've way to make you.
Howl
Spoon diet, locks, chains and cOwhide.'
'Mr. Swsllowr
WHIT
= You're bruter and Mrs. Swallow threw
, herself back, and looked desperate.
= Now this was a climax. Mr.. Swallow
/ was called brute at his own freside, and
2 by his own wife, which was the worst OF al.
| He, Solomon Swallow, the celebrated
founder Of system OF matrimSnia Observa-
!, ton, called a brute, and by no less person
9 than Mrs. Swallow. At first he was SO as
# tonished at such open manifestation OF re-
It bellion to his royal will, that he only looked
+ aghast; but when he came to himself, he
>.
d or the field was lost forever.
is you called me brute, Mrs. SwallowP
d Il did Mr.. Swallow
"A brutep
n "a brute
a 'I'll go mad and break things MIRA S"AI
lie low
s. 'As you like sir
k And Mr.. Swallow did 90 mad, but he ha
NO Al -. L ha CpiZeA IN
his cheapest article of delf that was on the Il
ke ble (an old plate with a crack in it) an
at dashed it in a thousand pieces on the heartl
ut as if be was in tremendous passion.
IS sHow 90 you like that, Mrs. Swallow
Vastly. Mr.. Swallow, try it again
to And again he did try it, Qor he had b.
gs come desperately and demolished The crea
nc jug. .,
lg, jumping up, she sent the slop-bowi TO Ree
Ter company with its tea table companions
This was Of course too much forSol0mol
iy it snapped asunder the last remaining cho
rn Of the little reason he had left, and he sna
ped his helpmate-we use the word in
Nv, most positive term-on her right cheek; b
scarcely had the echo of the blow melt
un into silence ere the indignant dame seiz
the teapot and shivered it into atoms
gainst the head of the devoted Mr.. Swallo
my Nor was this all, for as he was rolling he'
over head from the effect OF the awiui c.
she lision, she piled the remainder o' the
say traps until there was scarcely bone IN
ice, body which had not echoed to the SHOCK
did cups and saucers, and rounds OF buttei
III toast.
tue Unable TO carry the war any longer
that day, Solomon gathered himself up
she well as he could, and vowing vengeance,
stuck his pipe in his mouth, his hands III
pockets, and then commenced whisthns
iiq to the tune the old COW died on, look
as if he could bite piece of the grid'
without setting his teeth on edge.
good lady. too, being determined to FOL
the example Of her lord and master in
er matters besides the delf breaking, Pla
fast another chair back to back with Sulomo
the and after providing herself with novel,
n in herself down, and began reading away
if there was no such thing as beds to ma
IT to or stockings to mend, in all ChrlStenaoh
The Here this affectionate couple sat Tor
the mortal hours, each bent upon sitting
,owl other down, aud Illuminating the while u
here their relative position. But it must ne
tossed that Mrs. Swallow had the bes
orn- the BARGAIN, Tor independent of Sclom
mangled head, and paibeled meek
y shoulders, he saw as clear as mud, that
SER watch dial and the crockery must De
placed: so that the reducing of the
10Th chaoter in his vouminous system to prac
she mnst be attended with an outlay oil at
t her twentv dollars. This being the ca
SER might as well be hung for sheep as Il
,bought he. and with that he rose from
gain chair, stole softly from the room, and tu
Il up, the key upon the gentle Mrs. Swallow
stioD The turning Of the key made her a
,uble of his intention, when she rushed te
". door, but it was too late.
hing sOpen the door this instant, Mr.. 5
nent, low
Ioct' sNot until | have kept you here
days upon bread and water returned
said victorious Solomon, as he went his wa
joicing.
$ the But alas! how fceting is human g'ea
in about half an hour he returned to
c., how matters were going, but he sea
MI, III nut his eve to the key hole when ne
" , ha' roaring like a bull, for Mrs, Swaiio"
~ =, torn every one of his fine linen Sh,rls
WHY ON his back excepted) into pieces TO m
i?y rome to let herself down from the WI"
lu"', nor was this all, for upon further eAa'
ol "I ton, he discovered that she had aiso III
,os:eu ! avariety Of chair cushions O'u lin '"'
ne IN into The dirty yard to make her descent
rigm' l o! chop-faIlen Solomon swallow
eeteu' mi al,vos oft the Swallows are