Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1853-07-01
Uum0r0IS.

-" SIS that lightning bug in the street, asked
an old purbind lady. mo, grandma" said pert lit
tie Miss, sit is bigbug with cigar"
An old hard shell minister observed in a late
sermon, that mo got religion in GREAT BUS
TLE!' Think of this, ladies!
Theodore Hook and one of his friends happened
to come TO bridge. "Do you know who built
this brdge?n inquired the latter. mo-" replied Hook
"but If you go over you'll be toHd,"
Husbana hope You have e, no objection st IT., to
why do you ask that question" "Only to see, love,
if you would let me have my own tceigh once"
"A fellow said to Jew, ''Do you know they
hang Jews and jackasses together in England?" II
did not " replied the Jew; "but if it is true it is for
tunate that you and l are not there"
Coop SECURITY -Boy.--"Please, sir, give me a
Brownlp S,oeI-"SXpense is the smallest money
have, my little Boy.-"Vell, sir, I'll get yer
change; and if yer doubts my honor-hod my broom!
Cato, what do you suppose is the reason that
the sun goes to the south in the winterp' 'Wel, 1
don't know Massa unless he no stands de cemency ob
de nor and obliged to go to de souf, where he
speriences warmer longimtude."
-"Come sonny, get up" said an ndulgent faith
er to a hopeful son, the other morning, remember
that the early bird catches the first worm" what
do care for the worms?" replied the hopeful, moth
er won't let me go fishing"
To cure palpitation of the heart, prcure young
woman--alve. and, having ascertaned the region OF
her heart press the organ closely against your own
until the pain For regimen use cooling drinks
and ght--about half and half.
- We have heard of the smiles of Providence.
was much pleased with Uncle Jim's ideas the sub
ject. "Good morning, uncle JIM" Good morning. "
Well you got Jour daughter married Off have your
"Yes." Really, Providence smiled upon you"
"Smiled.--no, bless you, she snickered right out!'
- The following stanza of Old Hundred is printed
as it is usually pronounced in singing:
Be-he thon-ou, hoo Gawhawd, hexalted h.igh,
Aa-and as thy-igh glo-ho-ry fhills the skyhi,
Soho let-et ii be-he on eareth dis-pla-ade,
Thrill thow-ow a-art he-ere a-as tha-har ho-bey
.Arrah, be me faith,' said Pat, as he essayed to
open the door of his shanty, in order that he might
get into it. Its regularly locked in am" "ln,"
said listener who thought to detect the son of the
Emerald Isle In bull, Sin whereW "Why an tue
street to be sure" The eaves-dropper marvclled.
WHATS the matter, my dear?" said wife to
her husband, who had sat for half an hour with his
face buried in his hands, and apparently in great trb
uation "Oh, don't knoww said he, have felt like
fool, all day. "We returned his wife, consolingy,
.I'm afraid you'll feel any better; you look the
very picture of what you feelr'
- An Hshman called in at store, and priced a
pair Of gloves. He was told they came to ten shil-
lings "Och, by my soul, thin, says he, I'D sooner
my handsd go barefoot, than pay that price for EN-
- An lrishman was arrested in st. Louis for steal
ing goods at a fire. On examination before magis.
trate he confessed the act but urged as palation of
the offense, that he had been only month in the
country, and didn't know the rules!
One Of Tom Moore's obituaries
Here lies John Shaw,
Attorney at Law;
And when he died,
The Devil cried,
Give US your paw,
John Shaw,
Attorney at Law!