davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

LAURIE TODD TO SPINsTERs.-Our old
friend, Grant Thorburn, sends US this cha
rac'eristic epis,Ie :-Home Journal.
"1s is folly for girls to expect to be hap
py without marriage every woman was
made for mother, consequently, children
are as necessary to their peace of mind, as
health is. If you wish to behold melanch o.
ly and indigestion, look at an old maid; if
you would take peep a. sunshine, look in
the face of young mother. Now, won't
stand that replies my aunt. 'Hm an old
maid myself, and l'm neither melancholy
nor indigestible. My piece Of mind Pm GO
ing to give you in minute: lnever would
touch baby, during nv existence, except!
with pair Of tongs. Young mothers and
sunshine, indeed! why, they are worn to
6ddle-strings before they are five and-'wen-
ty. When an old lover steps in, he thinks
be sees his grandmother, instead Of the dear
little Mary who used TO make him feel as if
he should crawl out Of The toes of his boots.
Yes, my mind is quite made up about mat
rmony. But, as to babies-someimes
think, and then again | dom. know, Jon
the whole, believe consider 'em d-eci-
ded humbug. LIS one-sded partnership,
this marriage: The wife casts up all the ac-
counts. The husband gets up in The morn
ing, and pays his deuoirs TO the looking
lass, cur|s his fine head of hair, puts on an
immaculate shirl-bos ON, ties an excruciat-
ing cravat, sprinkles his handkerchief with
cologne, slows away a French roll, an egg
and cup Of coffee, gets into an omnibus,
looks slantendicular a, the pretty girls, and
makes love between The pauses Of business
in the afternoon. The wife must hermel-
cally seal the windows, shut out the fresh
air, (because the baby had the snuffies in
the nigh,,) and sits down, gasping, al the
table, more dead than alive, 10 finish her
breakfast. Tommy spills cup Of hot coI-
fee down his bosom JuIiana has torn of
the string of her schooI-bonne,; James
wants his geography covered; Eliza can't
find her satchel; the butcher wants TO know
if she'd like joint of mutton; the milk
man wants his money the iceman wants to
speak to her just minute; the baby swal-
lows bean; the husband sends the boy
from the store to say, his partner will dine
with him the cook leaves, all flying to 60
10 her sisters dead baby's wake; and the
hse5srd's thin Goa, nrsi he-irenrd before
noon Sunshine and young molhers!-
Where's my smelling-bot.le.'"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

People seek for what they call wit, on
all subjects and in all places, not consider
ing that nature loves truth so well, thai il
hardly ever admits Of hourishing. Conceil
is to nature what paint is to beauty; i. is
no. only needless, but it impairs wha, il
would improve.
When one sees family Of children 60
ing to school in clean and wel-mended
clothing, i. tells great deal in favor oflheir
mother: one might vouch that those chill
dren learn some valuable lessons at home,
whatever may be taught at school.
1t is one of the singular facts of the pre-
sen. state Of society, tina. the qualities which
in theory we hold TO be most lovel and de-
sirabe, are precisely those which in prac-
.ice we treat with the greatest conIumely
and disgrace,
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07
p O E II r Y.
THE DESERTED ROAD.


BY T. B. READ.
Ancient road, that wind st deserted
Through the level of the vale,
Sweeping toward the crowded market
Like a stream without a sail
Standing by thee, look backward,
And, as IN the light of dreams,
See the years descend and vanish,
Like thy whitley tented teams.
Here | stroll along the village
As in youths departed morn;
But miss the crowded coaches,
And the drivers bugle-horn-
Miss the crowd of jovial teamsters
Filling buckets at the wells,
With their Wains from Conestoga,
And their orchestras Of bells.
To the messy way-side tavern
Comes the noisy throng no more,
And the faded sign, complaining,
Swings, unnoticed at the door,
While the old, decrepid tollnan,
Waiting for the few who pass,
Reads the melancholy story
In the thickly sprlnging grass.
Ancient highway, thou art vanquished
The usurper of the vale
Rolls in fiery, iron rattle,
EXultations ON the gale.
Thou art vanquished and neglected;
But the good which thou hast done,
Though by man it be forgotten,
Shall be deathless as the sun.
Though neglected, gray and grassy,
Still pray that my decline
May be through as yernal valleys
And as blest calm as thine.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07
LAND FOR SALE.

TlHE subscriber offers at private sale, Tract
Il of LAND, containing about 90 acres. 1t ad-
joins my Farm, in Pomonkey, Charles county,
Md, and is in good state of Improvement. The
buildings upon it are frame STORE-HOUSE, a
log DWELLING, Kitchen and Corn House II
this land is not sold on or before the FIRST SATuR-
DvY OF July next, it will on that day be offered
at public sale, at Mr.. George o. Monroe's Store,
near the Bumpy Oak
The terms of sale are, one hundred dollars cash
the balance to be paid in three equal instalments
of six, twelve and eighteen months, the purchaser
to give bond with approved security bearing inte-
rest from the day of sale.
ma 5-ts* JOHN w CITY
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07
PUBLIC SALE OF VALUABLE REAL
ESTATE, AND FISHING SHORE.

DY virtue of a decree of the Circuit Court, for
ID the County Of Alexandria, Virginia. render
ed at -tha-h'ay term- 1859. the undersigned. as
Commissioner, will proceed on MONDAY the
25th day of JULY, 1853, at II O'Clock, NJ, in
front of the Mayors Office, in the city of Alex
andria, Va, to sell at public auction, TITO .4D-
JOINING TR.4CTS OF LAND, situate in
Charles County and State Of Maryland, and known
by the name of 'Wheelers Palm" and 'Osborn 5
Hazzard," :" containing together about
245 ACRES
of well improved Land, having
n 1Ta.A thereon Dwelling House. one
E@-:is f and a half stories, Kitchen, Sta
!lgezE sa==A - BILE, and Corn Houses, 3 Houses
for sein haulers, two large Sheds,
sc. Attached to these Lands is that highly
VALUABLE FISHING SHORE,
on the River Potomac, called and known as
"THORN"S GUT"
with all the rights and appurtenances thereunto
belonging.
TERMS OF SALE.-Ten per cent of the pur-
chase money, cash in hand, and the residue in
three equal instruments at six, twelve and eigh
teen months from the day of sale, and bearing in
terest from that time, secured by the bonds of the
purchaser with good personal security, and the
title to be retained until the purchase money is
fully paid. FRANCIS l.. SMITH,
je 23-ts. Commissioner.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

BEAUTIFUL SKETcH.-Il was in the e.
verng of beautiful summer day, that
s'rayed into the silent graveyard of our
utlle village. where witnessed an affecting
circumstance which time nor change can
ever effdce from my memory.
As | wandered among the moss-grown
graves snd broken stones, | was suddenly
arrested by observing little girl before me
whose actions unperceived by her, | was
watching. She was kneeIing beside little
mound Of earth covered with earth and flow
ers.
Shortly after had arrived there she ceased
the occupation in which she was engaged
and kneeIing beside the tomb with uprased
eyes TO heaven, her fervent lips poured
forth i'll ardent prayer her feelings to her
Heavenly Father.
Raising herself from her position, saw
her hang garland of flowers upon the
marble headsrone, wrought into the words
"Ny Fathers Grove.'
Those simple words, SO eloquen, Of feel
ing, SO full of thought, could not but add {
fresh sancHty TO the spot.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

WORCESTERSHIRE instruction is
rea2ed from history may be reaped from a
newspaper, which is the history of The world
fer one day. 1t is the history of that world
in which we now live, and with which we
are, equentlv, more concerned than with
the things which have passed away, and ex-
ist only in remembrance though, TO check
Us Ill our too fond love of the world, we
NAV consider, that the present, likewise,
will soon be past, and take lis place in the
repositories of The dead.
The folIles, vices, and consequent mise
ries of muli'udes, displayed in the news
papers, are so many admonltlons and warn
lngs, so many beacons, continually burning
10 turn Others from The rocks on which they
have been shipwrecked. Wha! more pow
er(ul dissussive from suspicion, jealousy,
and anger. than The story Of one friend MUIR
dered by snolher IN duel? What caution
likely to be more efectual against gambling
and profigacy, than the mournlul relation
of an execution, or the fate Of despaIflng
suicide? What finer lecture on the neces-
sily Of economy, than an auction OF estates,
houses, or furniture, by order of the assign
ees? Only take newspaper, and consider
it well :; read it, and it will instruct you.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

Boys are sometimes endowed with remar-
kable memories. The Keen family, of the
Stale of Texas, consisted of three giEls and
boy-the latter only four years DID,
They were oil sitting round the fire one
evening engaged in telling how far back
they could rccolIect. One of the girls re-
collected when she had "a doll !ha, winked
both eyes" Another recollected when she
was "a little baby at the breas, and Nancy
.ickled her feet" Jonny Keen, who was
the las. and least Of them all, said be recol-
lected ''wuss than that -
/" How wuss - said all the girls in
breath
.Oh b.! recollect three weeks afore I'ze
born and cried all the time for fear I
aoould be a gall"
Ephraim says counting is done on the
printing principle; there being good deal
of lhe HAND PRESS work about ii.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

A FRENcHMAN' ENGLisH.-"Mine fIen
have you seen Won poodle little dog, with
his tail slit and his ears cut short of behind,
what did lose next week, as | was walk
ing up de rever in de steamboat
81 did not, Monsieur, but expect to eve
ry minute"
"Begar, if he be drown, will kill him
six times in two places"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07
FARM FOR SALE.

YTHE undersigned wishes to sell the well known
Il Farm upon which he lately resided, situated
near the ''Iead of St. Clements Bay" and a
bout mile from navi gable water. 1t contains
225 ACRES OF LAND,
more or less, large portion of which is covered
with fine growth of Pine, and the remainder i'm
proved and in good state of cultivation. The i'm
provemcnts consist of large and
N 1MN.a comfortable Dwelling House, and
Ill all necessary Out-Houses-aIl in
EI1 fs.ss e.s2 good condition. The Land is well
adapted to the production of Corn
Wheat and Tobacco. while an inexhaustible sup
ply of Mari running through the farm, easy of ac-
cess and of quality inferior to none in the State,
affords constant source of improvement and fer
tility.
Persons, desrous to purchase. can examine the
premises for themselves and receive any further
Information by application to me in person or by
letter (postage paid) al Leonard Town, ST. Mary's
county, Md. or to John Hughes, Esq, Port To-
bacco, or John Hammersly, ESQ, Harris Lot ?.
O., Cobb Neck, Charles county, Md.
There has always been physician residing up
on the Farm, and the subscriber particularly calls
the attention TO this place Of those Of the profess
sion who may wish to enter upon a country prac-
tire.
If | should not dispose Of it at private sale pre-
vious to the lst Tuesday of August next, viii,
on that day, offer it at public sale, at the Court
House in Leonard Town.
THE TERMS OF SALE are One-third cash, the
balance in twelve and eighteen months, equal
payments, the purchaser giving bond with APPROX
ed security, bearing interest from day of sale.
THOMAS. J. STONE.
June 80, 185s-ts.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

One morning quiJ nunc and bore were
saun,ering down the street. AT length he
espies, approaching in hot haste, the witty
and no less busy Doug las Jerrold. lie
stops and faslens on him, "Well, my dear
Jerrold, what's going on'?" Releasing him
self, the wit strides hastily away, exclaim-
ing. IL am.'
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

FANNY FERN AFTER THE WOMEN
Fanny was musing one Sunday after the
following style, which she has been candid
enough 10 talk ou, about. She's funny
boy!
"I've been reading the Bible to-day, and
il strikes me that our foremolhers were not
very correct old ladies. Who firted with
the old serpent? How came SIMPSONS
hair Gu. off and his peppers exlinguished.
Who perforated Jel's head with len-penny
nails: How came Jonah sent on a whaling
voyage? Who helped Ananias tell fbs !?
Who pu, Job up to swearing? Who rais-
ed hurricane in good old Abrams house !?
Who danced John the Bap.is,'s head off his
shoulders, hey? Id like to have you no.
'ice CHATS all) what stock we all sprung
from.
"lf they weren', tee.otally depraved, may
! never find ou, which of 'em ! descended
from! They didn'. seem to have the least
consideration for future generations long
since unborn Now DON, calculate, my
self, to feel responsible for their capers. Pve
read somewhere in Byron, ! believe, thai
every wash-lub must stand on its own pc.
desial Cor something like tba,) don't be-
lieve in saddling my shoulders with their
old fashioned lransgressions.
"Curious, though isn't il? the mischief
women make in the world? Great pity
Moab hadn't SC, Mrs. N oah adrift when he
"look one of each kind in the ark"
should rather have stood my chance of a
ducking Than 10 have been shut up with such
a 'prnmiskus menagerie.' Noah was wor,
thy old gentleman. No mention made o
his getting lipsy bot once, believe"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY,
BY T.. WELLS, JR.
EDIT AND PR o p r E Il r.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.

TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
For one wear. if paid within six months, $3.50
Sc 6 ifnot paid within six months, 200
ADvERTIsEMENrs.-Sl per square for two inser-
tlons-l2 lines of small type or IA of large type
constituting square-and 25 cents for every sub
sequent insertion. If the number of insertions be
not marked on the advertisement it will be pub
lished until forbid, and charged accordingly.
liberal deduction will be made to those who adj
vertise by the year.
Communications addressed to this Office must be
POST PAID.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07
HOW CAME THAT CHICKEN IN MY HAT.

HOW CAME THAT CHICKEN IN MY HAT.
We have seen few "cool" people in our
extensive travels in various parts OF The
world, but we recollecl Of none that more
nearly aPproximaied zero, than lI'lle Joe
W., who is now (poor fellow , in his last
resting place-he having gone to Mexico
during the las. war, aud had the misfortune
to be numbered among the dead at the close
Of the bloody battle Of Buena Vista.
To use an old phrase, Joe could never be
found with both eyes asleep, nor with his
thumb in his mouth. However bad scrspe
he nigh, be caugh, in he would either lie
himself out, or remain perfectly silent, and
look as Indignantly injured as pc, goat.
When about fourteen years Of age he
was afflicted with pro,racled headache; and
hearing that sure remedy had been dscov-
cred by perforatng the crown of the hat, and
thereby ven,ilanng the head, he was moi
long III making daylight visible through an
ZACH and quarter hole in the top Of his
old black tile, which in its paImies. days
had been worn by his grea!. grandfather, on
The occasion of Washing.on's Farewell Ad-
dress to his troops al New York.
With this hat upon his head, he paid
visit one forenoon to the barn-yard of Mr..
B, ds,an, about tbree-quar,ers of mile, 10
discover, if possible few straw eggs, which
he hoped by chance might have escaped the
searching eyes of Mrs. B.
n OF being able TO find any eggs, the wick
ed thought suddenly entered Joe's mind TO
take The next bes. thing to them. and the
I
grasped young white headed pulIel, .hrus,
ii in his hat, and immedistely started for
home, balancing the precious load upon his
head and counting the eggs he should soon
be able In call his own, and dispose Of or eat,
as he might in his own judgmcn. be inclin-
ed
But Joe was not destined TO enjoy these
pleasing reflections for any grea, length Of
lime, for farmer B., happening 10 meet him,
the youngsters hat, the white head of what
he had good reason to suppose was one of
his favori!e ban,em's and sccos,ing Joe, he
inquired where he was going:
"Going home, sir"
''Where have you been p,
"Down at your house," said Joe, ush-
u; -.'',s 1.i 4: ss =. Z s
"Did you 60 down for anything pariicu-
Iar?" inquired B., casting his eyes up to the
white head and neck of his pullel, which
was moving to and fro, like an ostrich fea-
sher in officers cap.
"Noshing parlIculsr," replied Joe 81
wanted Illlle walk and slrolled down TO
your house.o
"Whas have you 60. in your hs!;" que
ried B.
IN oshing," replied Joe, looking aston
ished.
Nolhing?" said B.
eyes, nolhingr' reiterated Joe.
B. here cody took eff Joe's h,; with one
hand, while he held on to the pulIe,'s head
with the other, and with g voice ofspiriiual
indignation he exclaimed
"Joseph, do you call that nolhing?'
Joe s'raighsened himself up as erec; as a
bean pole, pu. on look Of unheard Of sur-
prise, and in s,entorian voice exclaimed ::
"How came that chicken in my hate'
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

E0 LBS. RED TOP TURNIP SEED, (new
w crop) in bulk, received and for sale at the
Agricultural Warehouse, Fairfax Street, by
je 80. r. S. HUCK.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

CRITICISM ON GIBBoN.-A great admirer
Of Glbbon was commencing his style to Por-
son in very high terms. The professor lis
tened to him with sneer of disapproba,ion,
bu. for some time said nothing. On being
pressed for his opinion, 'Gibbon," said he,
sis TOO uniform; he writes in the same flow
cry and Pompous style on every subject.
lie is like Christie, the auc,ioneer, who saws
as much in praise of ribbon as of Ra-
phael."
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1853-07-07

Why are country girls cheeks like a
we'll printed cotton? Because they are
warranted TO wash and keep their color."
Washington sentinel. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1853-1855, 1853-10-21
HOUSE FURNISHING

W Store.--The subscriber desires TO call the at
tention of housekeepers and othersto his large and
well selected stock of housekeeping articles, em
bracng almost everything deemed requisite IN
housekeeping, which he is determined TO sell as
low as the same articles can be purchased in any
of the eastern cities.
His stock al present consists in part Of
French and English China and Crockery ware,
in dinner, Dessert, Tea, and Toilet Sets.
Cut and pressed Glassware.
Gilt and mahogany frame Mantel, Pier, and
Toilet Glasses.
Bronzed iron Hatracks, Standards, Andirons,
Tenders Candelabras, &C., Shovels and longs.
Solar Lamps and Girandoles, Hall Lamps.
Plated Tea and Coffee Sets, Castors.
Walters and Tea Trays, Cake Baskets.
Covered Dishes, Card Receivers, Candesticks
Urns, &c.
Stair Rods, Table Cutlery, Japanned Goods.
Britannia Ware, block tin Tea and Coffee Urns
Cha6ng Dishes, Oyster Tureens.
Dish Covers, Egg Boilers, &c.
Bohemian Glassware, iron framed Dressing
Glasses.
Terra Gotta Ware, Door Mats, Baskets, Brushes
Woodware, Cooking Utensils, &c.
With a magnificent collection Of Mantle and
Table Ornaments and Fancy Articles generally
altogether forming the largest and cheapest as
sortment of House Furnishing Goods ever ofieret
for sale in this city
c. w. BoTELER,
| Sep 21--2aw6w Iron Hail.
Washington sentinel. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1853-1855, 1853-10-21

MisrflIaMf0us..
TUsT RECEIVED A NEW SUPPLY

TUST RECEIVED A NEW SUPPLY
u of FALL GOODS! at JOHN +. CARTER's
The undersigned has now ready for the inspec-
ton of purchasers, the largest cheapest, and most
beautiful assortment of Fall and Winter goods,
direct from New York and Phadelpha.) ever be-
fore exhibited in this market. Among them may
be found super English and French cloths, twllled
and plain French doe skin and other cassimers
all prices; ladies' dress goods rich figured and
plain silks, new style; rainbow lustres, beautiful
high colors; Jenny Lind popins, something new
for dresses Lupin's black bombazines and alpacas;
French cashmeres, very handsome and very cheap;
moussene de lanes, fine and low priced rich
black Italian silks; fine assortment of shawls !;
Scotch and English gnghams; chintzes and cali
Goes, from four cents up; white and colored fan
nels all prices real Welch flannel; Irish linens and
diapers; bleached and brown shrtings and sheet
ings men aud women's hosiery, of every dcscrip-
ton and price. Blankets, fine, medium, and
coarse; heavy cloths for servants wear: fine and
cheapcassinets; gloves. suspenders, and umbrellas.
silk and linen cambria hankkerchiefs; fancy era
vats, stocks, and collars, &c. Together with a
large and general assortment OF Canton iannes,
nseys, plaids tickings, checks and every descrip-
ton of goods for servants wear
The undersigned calls the special attention OF
farmers, as well town dealers, TO his present
stock, which is now complete in all It's departments,
and 10 keep up the assortment constant, semi
monthly additions will be made until the first of
January next.
If you want cheap desirable and fresh goods
call and examine and be convinced Mark the
sign. JOHN +. CARIEKS,
Cheap cash store, Georgetown, ID. c.
Oct l5-- -2W2aw lD
Washington sentinel. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1853-1855, 1853-10-21
msn.A member Of the last Connecticut legis

asA.A member of the last Connecticut legis.
lature, from one of the rural districts, not q
hundred miles from New London, who was
less remarkable for the profundity of his knowl.
edge than for the overweening confidence with
which he advanced his opinions upon any and
all subjects, was once asked by fellow-mem-
ber of a somewhat quizzical turn of mind, what
he deemed the proper punishment for arson.
"Well," said he with an air of profound de.
liberation, "I have thought on that subject
good DEAL and have come to the conclusion
that he should pay fine of .Jfre hundred dol
lars and marry the girl"
Washington sentinel. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1853-1855, 1853-10-21
Humorous Epitaph.

The following inscription was copied from
tombstone in the church.yard at Crawford, near
London. by -. W. B." metropolitan cores
pondent
!" Here beth the body of Peter lsnell,
Thirty years clerk Of this Parish:
ale lived respected as pous and mirthful man,
and died on his way TO church, to assist at we'd
ding on the 3lst day of March, 1911, aged seventy
years. The inhabitants of Crawford have raised
this stone to his cheerful memory, and tribute
TO his long and cheerful services
The life ofthis clerk was just three-score and ten
Nearly half of which time he had sung out Amen
In his youth he was married like other young men,
But his wife died one day, so he chauntcd Amen,
A second he took-she departed. What then :
He married and buried third with Amen.
Thus his joys and his sorrows were trebled, but
then
His voice was deep bass, he sung out Amen.
On the horn he could blow well as most men,
So his horn was exalted in blowing Amen:
But he lost all his mind after three-score and ten
And here with three wives he waits till again,
The trumpet shall rouse him, TO sing out Amen