New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1853-05-17

for amusement and COW was giving nourish-
ment to her calf in o distant field. Suddenly y
bright idea struck me. seized an old tobacco
pipe that had been slowed away upon the man
tle-piece, and immersing the bulb in tumbler
Of water, thrust the stem into baby's mouth.
Baby was no genius. became satisfied Of that
in minute. It is an attribute Of genius to
accomplish its desires with imperfect instru-
ments. There was no stoppage in the pipe: l
tried it myself
was at my Wits ends, and laid the baby on
the floor, examining my fingers into my ears
1t was Of no use. / could not shut out the
sound. II was ike thousand " ear piercing
was riddled with screams that touched like gal
vanic wires on every nerve. The clatter Of a
three story cotton mill, with hundred girls
talking of new bonnets through the din, was
nothing to it. All the locomotives in the Union,
tortured into q state Of agony, would alone
compare with it. But mill and locomotive
might be stopped and baby would not be quiet
ed, even for . moment. Anything but baby s
lungs would have been worn out by such an
abuse of power. But their strength only in
creased, seeming to acquire new pipes at every
blast. -
What would / not have given for the sight Of
q petticoat bearing down to my relief! Never
did Robinson Crusoe on his desert island gaze
more longingly over the ocean in search Of q
sail than did down the road for bonnet and
curls. I could have smiled lovingly on the
fattest dowager that ever sweltered in the West
Indies, or the thinnest scrub that pays her de-
votions to the door -steps. But the feminine
like other useful commodities, had all vanished
when most wanted. Even the cat, accustomed
to nursing as she was-even the cat, sensible
creature, had disappeared.
Like the distressed hero. of novel, was left
to my own resources, end had no resources left.
There was baby topping about on the floor
like porpoise on a ships deck, as if lying on
its beam ends was a natural position. Irighted
it dozen times, but over it went again, if all
| its ballast had shifted to the head brought
| the shovel and tongs and the bellows from the
| fire place. but baby wouldn't look at them, not
| bit of it; although took the trouble to blow
the bellows in the blue bottles face, and sent
| the threads on the carpet flying about the room
| Even the clothes brush and nutmeg crater
proved no attraction, and l broke suspender-
button hopping about like frog on all fours
If had stood on my head, and shook the pen.
nies out of my pockets, it would have had nc
effect. Even a lump of sugar would not bribt
it to be quiet 1t made wry faces at the mir
ror, and pitched savagely into the pillow, turned
Indignantly from the tea-kettle, and squared of
at the rolling pin. If 1 had given it the carv-
ing knife, do verify believe that it would have
cut off its own head, and made two squalls in
stead Of one but forbore. Give me credit for
my magnanimity-I forbofe
For nearly mortal hour-an age-was
thus kept in state of frenzy. My hairs stood
up /" like quilts upon the fretful porcupine. >
They have always stubbornly refused to liz
down smoothly since. If my trial had LASTED
much longer, l should certainly have had {
"gray head upon my young shoulders" Per
haps l should have sunk into the grave with {
nervous fever, and had " Died of baby nursing
for an epitaph upon my tombstone. Fortunate
ly for the public in general, and me in particu.
lar, was spared such catastrophe by the re-
turn of the mother, who burst painting into thu
room at the critical moment when my Job-likt
patience had miserably perished--by degrees
as the water leaks from hoped bucket
With what feeling of relief did look up at tn
old clock as it announced to me, in its mos
cheerful tones, SO She's come! she's Gomez
Would you believe it but Pm sure yo1
can't, the fact seems too great an enormity-
that little piece of perversity was as quiet as
lamb in a minute! Why, the mother was SO dc
. ceived that she actually called it her "precior
lamb l'' heard har. and was astounded
| wonder she didn't feel sheepish I know di
Lamb, indeed If that was being lamb, VIII,
would it be when it became mutton Why,
was fast asleep again in no time, and laughin
in its dreams over the fun it had enjoyeo
Didn't l vow never to be caught alone with
baby again If ever am, may be-serve
in the same manner again.