Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1853-09-15
VARIETY.

4 chile nebber tear himself away from Uncle
Sam Nov dis is de efis ply for, an Use
i ersat influence wild Massl Campbells waiter,
So IEguess get-it Fse gwine TO ply for de
4 post Oh sexton in de Pose Offs Apartment
Sexton ID de Pose Offs Apartment Sam
bot
f Yes sab II berry de dead letters. Some
times dey|hab money in 'rm, an, den l rifle
de eOrpusss- You See, sah 2
If us-Asfthe sun ID all its splender was
peeping over the Eastern hills, newly mar.
riedmau exclaimed The glory Of the world
is rising ! his wife, who happened to be
getting up atthat moment, taking the com.
plinent 70 herself, simpered-sWhat would
yen say; my dear, il ! had my new dress On2
GrtWhy, dear me, Mr.. LengswaliOw, said
good old lady, 'heK.can you drink awholc
quart Of that hard cider at a single draught n
As soon as the man could breathe again, he
replied Isl beg pardon, madams but upon
ny soul it was So bard | couldn't biteit off,
I MA man at The peint of death, being
reminded Of the joys Of heaven. inquired if
there was any whiskey in Paradise. Silly
man was the eon9sssor's response there
will be no want Of ill., very likely rejoin..
ed the penitent, bHt then there would be.
40 tarmin hayingii on the table
nfAn Irish girl,seeing her mistressfeed,
inga pet canary, ashed
How long it tucll thin cratersIto hatch p
Three weeks she replied. IN .
s0ch, aura. that's as long as any other
fowl, except pig.
s-Deeply were we affected On reading
the other day Of q Young lady, who being
teld that her lover Nas instantly killed, ex
claimed
70 that splendid gold watch ofhis-giye
me shai II give mo something to remember
him byr Il .3 :
og-.DO yo5u know. Mr. John Btown4i !
Yes, my DEAR
= is he not deserving man i,
YES, he deserves fegging and if he cveF
gallants ypn again, will give il to himl,edi
H-s-.Sammy, Sammy, my SON, don't staba
there scratching yoay head; stiryour stumps,
or you'll make no progress in life
why, father, I've often heard you say thst
the only way to get, on in this world was y
scratch e,hdad.. j.
H5A man died 7of apoplexy, the Othss
day, in Michigan. The next morning the
coroner held an inquest, when the following
verdict was returnea eDied from the viss
alton of one beefsteak, eight cold potatoej,-
and fried pic. asnsiblej jury that =
EfThere is q young lady in Lafayette,
Indiana, So excessively modest, that eyert
night before retiring. she closes the window
curtains 10 prevent athe man in the noon
from locking in, i.
Coadsct-@I krSaw enough about the
world, remarks Nliter, to understand thsh
ones conduct IS Oft IN censured By the vevE
persons who would have advised it had enc
consulted them
AEA wag observing fellow steal fih
and putt under his jacket which was tso
short to conceaf The theft, halloed to the bnS-
loiuer TO wear in future, longer jacket, pr
steal shorter ksh.
urA neighbor Of ours informs us that
wood GOES fartker Whcnleft out Of doors thgn
when housed some OF his having gone Up
wards Of quarter of a mile in one night
hrIrishmen are very gregarieus in thkir
habits. They delight in mpltftuaes, AID
never take q enc horse ride without havisg
tho wagon crowded With eight women, felr
children aud house dog
I-sEhg Lady,s Toass.-At the 4th lof
Federation in Marion county, Illt
young lady offered~fhe following teastl-l
THE yaung men Of America Their astns
OUT support; Or arms their reward Fill
IN men, fall in.'
EeAn exchange says, that slYhen David
slew Gsliah with sling, the latter fell sssne
dead aud of course quite astenished, as such
thing had nessr catered his head tJors =
EE-Jimmy, do you 70 to schooll' III
s'Yes. sir, to The school kept BY Miss Pea
Miss Post not whipping Post, hopAF
10, no, she is guids Post
HThe Lantern tells Of man who, Nv
ing note 70 pay on Monday. got into Ipw
onESatarday night, in hopes some one wohld
knsek him into the middle Of next ueek
ErsBlessings are mine said an Old lFo8
man devcutly my dear husband has eSrk
LED, and Thave but one stocking to darqr
Es-An exchange says that a man recertly
poked his head out from behind the tiHSas
vhsnit vas taken 81 bya passing -tTen(
HrsRoast beet said . boarder Is /, vaf.ery
sHoE will you have il, sir2' well as.
tken gooa and faithfal servants
m-Itis said - BE- 4 bad sirn a. "a
y with his hat ef 1t midnight s7sl.;pt /, :
principles and theory q mental philSss.
70 lamp pests
fTalleyranl, talking Of man Who 4 Salt
f14 bat gnoiations said, That fsItsu
80 e inverted commas
FristIo i the line b. which Tine
~, 1Tcis
Mary fsIlow spells Tonneisss