Iowa capitol reporter. [volume] (Iowa City, Iowa) 1841-1855, 1853-07-13

Nothing that altogether uies,
Sufices mans just Observation-Disclosures.
Six in the morning; and beauti-
full sunshine! Does the sunshine
early? Ihave seldom had an oppor-
tunity of observing, but such appears
to be the fact. There is no sunshine
in my heart however. Pashaw! that
is sentimental.
And vet, in veritable earnest what.
is the human heart? Mine, if | have
one, has never been much occupied.
Love, with me has evaporated in a
succession of fancies, and friendship
has been the more gregarious in
stinct. | have known many beautiful
women, for each of whom have
protested a personal interest that
passed almost with the words. What
remains of all the glittering frost
work of sentiment? Nothing. Not
even drop Of water to appease the
undying thirst. Last and least of
that graceful band was Eila-the
Ella of last evening. How charm
ing she looked in her exquisitely ar
ranged costume! With what queen
like dignity she carried her jewelled
head. And yet her character is a
blank. She has no positive quality,
unless a'gift Of aattery can be deter
mined such. What does she mean
by saying mine was glorious man
hood? 1t must have been rome pretty
phrase that she picked up acciden-
tally.
What constitutes the glory of man.
hood? Purpose, achievement, devel-
opment. And | have had a purpose,
to kill time. have achieved it, too.
My past life lies behind me-mur-
dered--dead. A ghostly grin is on
its skeleton jaws. Its vacant eye
sockets glare ominously upon my
path. There is no gift in its hand,
no igor in it's muscles. no pulsation
in its heart. 1t is deed, but not buri-
ed. That would be too great a bles-
sing. The lesson it failed to teach
mein passing, it utters nov; waxing
eloquent in its mute worthlessness, in
its empty and Implying silence
And that cadaverous deformity is in
manhood! Poor Ella! Yet it is a
mate to the womanhood, perhaps.
Womanhood! That word is the
embodiment of the beautiful; yet
what do know oft? Nothing, ex-
cept through my mother and Mary,
sweet cousin Mary, who had the
nobility to reject me. How well |
remember the time! l thought her
words were bitter, and said, halt
sneeringly," You should ere this time
have unlearned contempt"
81 have no contempt for you" she
earnestly Replied think your capa-
biiities are the noblest, the loftiest;
but forgive if l say they are misdirec-
ted-perverted."
Dear, blessed Mary! She wa:
poor, and | had the effrontery to re
mind her of the advantages my
wealth might furnish her. Ishal
never forget the quiet sadness witt
which she answered. "Dear Frank
think much more of you than you
possessions, and yet-good bye"
! saw her but seldom afterwards
do not think she was happy. l d
not think she was happy. | hav
the authority of one of her. intimat
friends for believeing that her Who'll
life was a struggle (which death alon
crowned with victory. Be it so. Tha
is past. She is now bright angt
before the throne Of the Eternal
She has drank Of the satisfying four
tain. She has now no lingerin
heart ache; no life long aspiration
to meet and sympathize with loftie
humanity. God bless her! Her del
cate intuition saw in me the capacit
for much that was more generous an
noble. Is that capacity wholly d'
stroyed? Is there not within m
reach some redeeming quality, som
regenerating influence that shall "
make me what might have bee1
that shall restore to me some porto
of my nobler and purer self? III
lost angel Of my youth seems eve
yet to whisper hope. The dead pa
points with its shadowy finger to
living future. 1t shall point in vain