The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1853-11-17

I
to listen to the conversation.
found it to be a regular plot, of which
the captain was to be the victim; for our
waggish friend was strongly working on
our hostess's mustard propensities; for, "
said he, ''sec here, Dona, the captain IS
sick, very sick, and, poor fellow! unless
something is done for him he will never
recover. He will not take medicine, and
we can't pretend to force him to take 1t.
Alas! lis life is vanishing like a dream
Now, my dear Dona, mustard plaster OF
large dimensions, placed on his stomach,
would be sure to cure him. But he can
no. be persuaded to have the remedy ap-
piled. But if you would prepare the
plaster and put it on while he was asleep,
he would not know it until the next morn
ing, for he sleeps very soundly-his life
would be saved, and you would be epti-
tied to his eternal gratitude.
After considerable persuasion she was
induced to promise, and retired to my
bed that night anticipating considerable
fun in the morning, when the captain
would find blister, where, in the evening,
there was none.
At the witching hour of night our hos
tess entered, accompanied by servant,
who bore candle. The Dona herself
had mustard plaster of such formidable
dimensions that it would have covered
the stomach of a giant She found her
victim lying on his back, soundly sleeping
and snoring most melodiously But a
short time sufficed to prepare the part to
receive the application, and in trice the
captains stomach was enveloped in the
health-giving plaster.
Scarcely had the sensitive part received
the plaster, when, with stunning roar,
the captain sat upright in bed, and l had
Just time to see his face convulsed and his
eyes glaring with horror, when the old
lady and her servant scared nearly out of
their wits, rushed from the room, drop
ping the candle in their exit, and leaving
us in total darkness, but not by any means
total silence.
Tie captain at tie full pitch of his
powerful lungs, yociferated, "murder!
help!'' s
',What is tie NATTER said our fat
friend, in a voice SO nsularly altered,
that l knew lie was nearly clicked with
suppressed laughter.
Matter, exclaimed the captain, ''mat-
ter enough by God; here I'm sitting
murdered-a hole through me big enough
to drive an ambulance in. Matter, my
God! For heavens sake help! I'm
bleeding 10 death.' 1,-.
''Do you feel any pain, captain? shout
ed one. ~ III
''Why not much, but my stomach is
co, cred wi h blood. I have my hands
full of it. knew it. l felt it, I was
sure | should be. assassinated in this ac-
cursed place For Gods sake get a light
bring needles, bandages, run for sur
geon. Will nobody bring light?-my
stomach seems as if on fire."
By this time, amid confusion worse
corfounded, a light was obtained and
showed the captain sitting on his cot, his
arms extended and his hands covered
with mustard, making the most ridicu-
lous figure imaginable.
"Why, good heavens! captain" said
one of the spectators, looking at his hands
''that is not the color of blood.''
"Why, no!'' said the captain, gazing
on them in astonishment, sit does not
look like blood, but if it isn't blood, what
is it ?'' az aa
''Ahem p said our fat friend, care you
quite sure you havn't been sick?"
"Pshaw !" interrupted the Captain
hastily, "you are always joking; but,
gentlemen, had you not better see after
my wounds first and discuss the matter
afterward." '21'
An examination was commenced, which
terminated in laugh, when it was. dis
covered that no wound was inflicted, and
at last the Captain plainly perceived that
the old lady came to heal and not to kill.
He submitted, with good grace, to the
laugh OF his brother officers; but for a
long time could not look pleasantly at the
ofhclous dame who was the cause of the
disturbance. The last words | heard
from the captain, as | was taking leave,
being called out by duty to mother place,
were pretty country-by G.! where a
man can't sleep soundly at night, without
the danger of having blister as big as a
barn door ON his belly when he rises in
the morning ''-.New Iorh Dmumon.
! AN AFFLICTING EvENT-The Boston
Transcript relates the following incident: