Polynesian. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu], Hawaii) 1844-1864, 1853-03-26
Leroy Jenkins.

l. ~
years ago Of the magnetic telegraph.
Leroy jenkins.
I The following capital story was told some
time since in the .Ne,O York Spirit of the
1s'nes. Many Of our readers may have al
ready perused il, yet it is one of those sto-
ries they can well afford TO read twice. Run
over and judge for yourselves: si n.
While riding not long since, in the old
county of ST. f. ID, in Virginia, and
passing alsng a rarely frequented road, !
heard noise that at once arrested my at
ltenlion. II was a soIiloquy in a very loud
key, and interlarded with an occasional oath,
to prove that the colloquist was in earnest
Guiding my horse in the direction -of the
voice, saw a fellow about ahalfcorned, de-
llberately cutting a long hickory switch, and
talking to himself at the same time, with
great earnestness. thought at first he in
tended to whip his horse, that stood tied hard
by, and was about turning off when new
set Of phrases in his selEtalk arrested me at
once, and made me the witness of the follow
ing scene: -. r.,,5l /. - -
Well, now, Leroy Jenkins, expect you
will catch goss in a little while. 1t won't be
long first before Leroy Jenkins hide gets
painted some. III pay you Leroy jenkins,
Tor all this, you trifling cuss, you"
Being in some doubt whether Leroy Jen-
kins was the name of his horse, or of some
expected cOmbatant, whose preparations, OF
a character similar to those have mention
ed, were quietly progressing short distance
off, | determined to wait the issue of these
fierce threats; with my leg over the saddle,
rod 10 -bao f.,(
the fight, and perhaps an umpire, when one
or the other got enough. 4s4As'-- ~
My friend of the hickory as soon as he
had cut and trimmed his switch, and satisfied
himself of its elasticity and unbroken strength
laid it down on the ground, talking all the
while in very truculent manner of Leroy
jenkins. Deliberately taking off his coat
and laying it on a log, he took up his fail,
and the first heard of his succeeding solil-
oqy was about as follows: ~
"Now, Leroy jenkins, aint you ashamed
of yourself, you nasty hound pup; and | am
now going to give you your bitters, you in
formal mean reptile YOU
In the meantime leaned little forward
to catch glimpse of his antagonist, but
though the coast was comparatively clear, /
could see no human face, save that of the
speaker, and was now very sure that he did
not mean the horse, for he took an opposite
direction. | had small time for reflection,
for his speech waxed warmer, he stepped a
little forward and aimed sort of back hand
ed blow, which descended with keen sound
and considerable force on-his own back.
:" There. you Internal devil, take that, and
that, (shroD, shroiO, the switch descended J
,, Car i
Now, sir, what are you going to tell your
wife when you get home, about the money
you got for her eggs and huckleberries, you
mean pup' You spent it for liquor, did your
There, take that, sir, (shrow, shro,c, shro,r.
She told you, Leroy Jenkins, TO buy look
ing glass, and enough calico to make her a
chicken bonnet, and swhere are they, you
darn'd cuss you? Gone to liquor hey?
shrov. sia'ow, sh,o,c,) Well, don't care if
it does hurt, it serves you right, Leroy Jeu-
kins, Cor making beast of yourself, and
fooling your poor wife, you mean whelp you.
You know, sir, that when you left home, she
said you couldn't pass Simmons grocery
without spending all the money. You know
she did, don't you!
"Now, sir, take that, (shro,c, shro,u, and
did you not promise her you wouldn't 60 near
Simmons; and you would be sure to buy her
nice glass, and the prettiest kind Of calico
for her bonnet? Didn't you, now, you cuss-
ed mean dog, YOU'D? Yes, sir. you know you
did, (shro,v, strow, shro,o, and the hickory
descended with frightiul keenness, and Le-
roy Jenkins, what made you such fool as
to 90 to Simmons at all; when you saw Tom
Walker standing at the door ready to treat
you, and drink up all your money? What
made you do that, you rotten herring, you?
(shrow, shrOw.) Well sir, I'll pay you for
all this. (shrotc, shroW) You'll go. to town
and spend your wife's money for whiskey,
again, will you, (and the blows were perpe-
trated with more frequency than his words. }
Although almost, dying with suppressed
laughter, / watched the infection of this self
acting punishment, which was bestowed with
far more zeal than were the thousands OF
stripes whereby Sancho was to dsenchant
the lady-love of his master. AT length Lee
roy jenkins stopped, either through pure ex-
haustion, or because he thought the delin-
quency was sufficiently punished.
| Throwing away the switch, which by this
time was a little frayed at the end, he resum-
ed his coat and his speech:
Now, Leroy Jenkins, now sir, you've
got licked too, this time; and the very next
time you do this trick, I'll just fairly take the
hide off of you. You hear that, don't you;
and now go home sir, and beg her pardon,
you mean cuss, you:
t / slipped away unperceived BY this justice
dealing culprit; but i never think Of this
scene without an irresistible desire to laugh
And even now, / can always make my wife
smile by telling her !" II 60 into the woods.
my dear, and as a punishment for having
vexed you, for while, III play Leroy Jen-
kins. r.is flfs ~
SuRvEY OF THE AsTIc OcEAE.--Lieut Rogers,
lU. s. N, has been in this city during the pass
i lreek for the purpose Of making some enquiries