The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1853-06-30

The next morning at six o'clock, Mr.
Swallow again informed his wife that i
was time to get up, coupling the remarl
with the suggestion that in the future sh'
must save him the trouble of reminding
her of so necessary a duty.
Mrs. Swallow, however benefited moth
ing by his soft insinuation, for at the mo
ment she either was, or pretended to be
fast locked in the arms of Morpheus.
'Dont you hear Mrs. Swallow ?" quotl
Solomon.
But alas a slight consciousness was
the only response from Mrs. Swallow
Now this was ticklish point with Sol
omon, but he was prepared for it. "What
says my system on this head ?" said he
to himself, musingly. at says that la
zy wife who lies abed in the morning may
be very properly reminded of her duty
by the judicious application of coercion
pin" And this magnificent idea had
scarcely crossed the threshold of his brain
pan, than he inserted the point of huge
pin in the right arm of the sleeper. AS
might be expected, the intended effect in.
stantly followed the cause, for the aston.
ished Mrs. Swallow sprang from the bed as
though she had been thrown from it by
an earthquake. But alas, her agility was
too strikingly manifested, for she not on
ly all but annihilated poor Solomon in
rolling over him, but she dashed his pat
ent lever from the nail which suspended
it to the wall, and broke the dial into a
thousand pieces.
"What dreadful Dream" CALCULATED
Mrs. Swallow, pressing her left hand on
the wounded arm.
"What a dreadful reality" shouted
Mr.. Swallow, contemplating the fragile
ruins of his demolished time-piece.
! Here we pass over the interval between
this occurrence and the time when the
happy pair in question were seated at
breakfast.
"Now, Mrs. Swallow" said Solomon,
"seeing that | can't awaken to call you
up in the morning, or cat burned toast,
or drink raw tea, ETC., it is time | should
begin to instruct you in your duties"
"And what are those, Mr., Swallow 7"
"Be silent, madam, if you please; not
to talk, but listen, is one of the most i'm
portant of them"
Proceed, sir"
And Mr.. Swallow, looking daggers at
her for the second interruption, proceed
ed:
"From six till eight, you are. to get up,
dress quietly, SO as to create no distur-
bance, light the fire, air the clothing and
stockings, sweep the rooms, prepare break
fast, and announce the perfection thereof
Eigh till ten, wash tea things, make beds,
rub furniture and clean windows. Ten
to twelve, go to market and prepare din
ner. Twelve till two, devote to dishwash-
ing, sweeping up and rubbing funiture.-
Two till six, spinning, mending clothes,
and darning stockings. Seven, tea
From that time till nine, second course
of mending and darning, and then 90 to
bed. And this daily course, madam, with
strict observance of the rules Of civili-
ty, frugality, decorum, and obedience,
may, in time, enable you to do honor to
the choice of Mr.. Solomon Swallow"
| Mrs. Swallow listened quietly to the
end; and then mildly inquired:
/! "And do you really expect this of me,
Mr.. Swallow
"To be sure I do" responded her
spouse.
"Then you'll be sadly disappointed,
for I'll do no such thing"
= "Nol"
"No."
"Pve way to make you"
Howl"
"Spoon diet, locks, chains and cow
hide"
" Mr.. Swallow !"
"What 7"
You're brute!" and Mrs. Swallow
threw herself back and looked desperate.
| Now this was a climax. Mr.. Swallow
was called brute at his own freside, and
by his own wife, which was the worst of
all. He, Solomon Swallow, the celebra-
ted founder of system of matrimonial
observation, called brute, and by no
less parsonage than Mrs. Swallow. At
first he was so astonished at such open
manifestations of rebellion against his
royal will, that he only looked aghast;
! but when he came to himself, he saw that
something must be done at once, or the
| field was lost forever.
"You called me brute, Mrs. Swallow >
"I did, Mr. Swallow"
&" A brute?"
" A brute"
"Ill 90 mad and break things, Mrs.
| Swallow"
| Gas you like, sir"
And Mr.. Swallow did go mad, but he
had method in his madness, for he seized
the cheapest article of delf that was on
the table fan old plate with crack in it,
and dashed it into thousand pieces on
the hearth, as if he was in a tremendous
passion.
How do you like that, Mrs. Swallow J
"Fastly, Mr. Swallow, try it again p
And again he did try it, (for he had
become desperate) and demolished the