Spirit of the times. [volume] (Ironton, Ohio) 1853-1858, 1853-11-22
Double Marriage.

on the Legislature. Jones had had u
wife, and was in love with pretty wo.
man-hc wished 10 be divorced from the
bad wife, so that he might marry the
pretty woman, who, by the by, was n
widow, with black eyes, and such bust!
Therefore, Jones came TO Trenton for a
divorce. Smith had good wife, plump
as robin, good as an angel, and the
mother OF ten children. and Smith did
not want to be divorced, bu, did want to
get charter for turnpike, or plank
road, TO extend from Pigs Run to Terra
pin Hollow. Well, they with these dif
lerent crrands, came to Trenton, and
addressed the assembled wisdom with
the usual arguments. lst., suppers main.
y composed Of oysters, with rich back
ground of steak ami gension; %, liquols
in great plenty, from "Jersey lightning"
which is kind of locomotive at full
speed, reduced TO liquid shapc---to New
ark champagne. To speak in plain prose,
Jones the divorce man, gave cham.
pagne supper, and Smith, the turnpike
man, followed with a champagne break.
fast. Under the modifying influence o!
which, the assembled wisdom passed
both the divorce and turnpike bills, and
Jones and Smith-a copy Of each bill
in their pOckets-went rejoicing home,
over miles Of sand, and through the trib.
ulation Of many stage coaches. Smith
arrived at Home, in tire evening, and as
he sat down it, his parlor, his pretty wife
beside hIm-hOw pretty she did look!
and five Of her children asleep over head
and the other five studying their lessons
in the corner Of the room, Smith was in,
duced to cxpa,in,e upon the good result
OF his mission 10 Trenton.
"a turnpike, my dear. ! am one Of
the Directors and shall be President; it
will set lis up, love; we can send tho
children to boarding school and live in
style, ou, of the toll. Here is the char.
ter, honey"
"Let me see it, said the pretty wife,
who was one of the incest of wives, with
plumpncss and goodness dimplins all
over her face, ale, me see it;' and she
leaned over Smiths shoulder, pressing
her arm upon his own as she looked at
the parchment. But all at once Smiths
visa &c grew long. Smiths wile's visage
grew black. Smith was not prolane, but
now he ripped on, an awful oath; "Blas,
il. vile, those Internal scoundrcls al
Trenton have gone and divorced u.s." II
was too true, the parchment which he
held was bill OF divorce. in which the
name of Smith and Smiths wife appear
ed in frightfulIy lesible letters.
Mrs. Smith wpcl her eyes with the
corner Of her apron. 'Here's torn
piker' she said sadly, "and with the
whole of our ten children staring me in
the face, ain, your wife? Here's a
turnpike!'
"BIast the pike and the Legislature.
and--." Well, the fact is that Smith
reduced to single blossedness, and cen
acted into stranger to his own wife
swore aw(ully. Although the night wa:
dark, and most of the depizens o
Smiths village had gone to bed, Smith
bid his late wife put on her bonnet, anc
arm in arm they proceeded to Tie house
of the clergyman of their church.
"Goolnoss bless me-" exclaimed the
mill, good man, as he saw them enter
SmitAfooking like the very last Of June
shad, and Smiths wife wiping her eyes
with the corner Of her apron-"Gool
ness bless me, what's the mattcr!"
"Tho matter is, want you TO marry
us two right off, replied Smith.
"Marry you!" calculated the clergy,
man, with expanded fingers and awiu
eyes, "are you drunk or crazy?'
"l aint crazy, and wish | wal
drunk, said Smith desperately" "the fac
is, brother Goodwin, that some scoun
drels at Trenton, unbeknown to me, ans
at dead of night, have gone and divorced
me from my own wife; she is the mothe
o(-of-nine chidrenH'
"Tcn," suggested Mrs. Smith, whit
was crying, "Hcrc's a turnpike!'
"Well, the good minister seeing th'
state or,hc case (the Trenton parchmen
was duly produced from the pocket o
, the lugubrious Smith, married them ov
er straight.way, and would not take
fee; the fact is, grave as he was, he wa
dying to be alone so that he could give
vent to a suppressed laugh, which wa
shaking him all ovel; and Smith AM
Smiths vile went joy(ully home ant
kissed every one of their ten children
The little Smiths never knew that thei
father and mother had been made stran
gers 10 each other by legislative enact
ment.
Meanwhile and on the sclfsame night
Jones returned to his native town.
Burlington, | believe-and sought a
once the fine pair OF black eyes whic|
he hoped shortly to call his own. Thu
pretty widow sat on the sofa, a whit
'kerchief tied cafelessly about her round
white throat, her black hair laid in sill
ky waves against each rosy check.
"Divorce is the word," cried Jones
playfully patting her double chin. eth
fact is, Eliza, Pm rid of that cursed VIC
man, and you and l'l be married tc
night. | know how to manage thos
scoundrels at Trenton. A champaign
supper (or was it breakfast? did tn
business for them. Put on your bonnie
and let US go TO the preachers at once
dearest"
The widow (who was among widow