Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1853-12-23
Humorous,

Paws for reply" as the cat observed when
she scratched the dog for barking at her.
He who watch would wear must too things do:
Pocket his watch, and watch his pockets, too
How is it that trees ca put out new dresses
without opening their trunks? Because they ieare
out their summer clothing
A gentleman praising the generosity of his
friend observed:
"He spends his money like water"
''Tnen of course he itquidates his debts, rejoincd
wag
A gentleman speaking of Cincinnati says its
most appropriate name should be the Hum burg of
America. EYES" replied another, 81 think 1t will
be the meat -roIois of Il United States.'
a LAwY ER's NAME.-A lawyer wrote ''ras-
cal" in the hat of brother lawyer who, discov-
eripg it, entered complaint in open court against the
tresspasser who be said, had net only iakon his hat
but had written his own name in it.
TINS HARD TIMEs.-"Ah, Bill, times is hard,
Just now-what are ye thinking o. dopg?"
"WelI, Jek, somehow think O. hopening bank -
"All CANNON, Bill How will ye raise the mon
ey7''
''lAoW SIStu yuu SOch ~ UotcHt tuhf VsHtt
to buy a cro,cbar :"
AN Irishman who acted as porter to one of
the banks in Boston, lost his bunch of keys day
In great state of alarm, be ran up and down tie
street, CRY ing-"Lost lost! bunch of kaysl III
not be afher ten ye hat kays they were, for they
were the kays of the bank!"
BABIES 1t strikes US that more iss are told
l,L;o - A.
say they are sweet, yet everybody who can smell
knows that they sour we all say they are lovely
yet nine babies in ten have more pretensions to
beauty than pup dog; We praise their expressive
eyes, yet all babies squnt; call them doves though
one Ct them makes more noise than colony of
screech owls.
The fellow who wrote the above has left fer KAN
schatka. The women were all after him with broom
sticks.
Bon AND HIS PoINTERs.-gos was a singular
genius, but not half singular as his two pointers
They CANNES Of singuarhabts, singular in their
looks and beth of them were as contrary as their mas
ter was cross. If one took after rabbit, the other
wouldn't bulge an inch. If one found bone, the
other would snarl and snap until the bone had disap
peared.
One of the aforesaid pointers had been presented
with the name of "Nick," and was considered by his
master to be the biggest fool of dog he ever seed
Oae morning tho dog started fox, and away went
fox, dog and Bob; the two former, in very short
space Of time leaving Bob in the lurch clear ont of
sight. Bob, however, followed en-, and presently
came to wood-chcpper, whom he Immediately ques-
toned
"Have you seen a fox 20 by here ?''
"Wall, yes"
"Have you seen dog 90 by here?
"Wall, yes; they were runnin' along like blazs."
Glow was thsy?"
oval, about nip and tuck, dog lestle ahead I"
Bob sloped, and gave the dog up for hard one.
-JEDEDlAH SEES 1nE Twlss-After dickering
some time with the longegged doorkeeper, Jedediah
Homespun went up and spent q quarter to see the
Siamess Twins. Looking at the curious pair for
sometime Jed busted
CHOW long hev you fellers been in that ar kind of
hitch 2"
"FOrty-tvo years." was Eng's reply.
"Du tell Gittin' kind O. used to it, calculate,
ain't your"
owe ought to be-" said they.
eyes, vow you ought. You fellers belong to the
same church-'spect you dot"
eyes, indeed" said Chang.
"Want to know! Well, I swan, you are hitched
queer, said Jed, mutely examining the ligature.-
zone Of yeou fellers dies, 'tother felerl be in a
pucker, reckos."
"Would be bad" said Chang
"Don't drink nothin', guess-eyer go in to swim2'
"Sometimes," said they.
After gazing at them few minutes in silence, Jed
again busts-
"Look here, s'pose one Of yeou feilers got into
Grape, and about to be put in Jail, how'd yeou
manage that?'
"Oa ~ says Eng, "I'a 60 Changes bail"
"Oh, yes, ctuld do that, by hockey u
And Jedediah, having exhausted bis cross'examin |
ton, went off whistling, giving fresh lot of exam
ners room to put the Twins through course Of mi
n sprouts.