Richmond daily times. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1853, 1853-02-02
THE DAILY TIMES
THE SENTIMENTAL YOUNG LADY:

| Whoever has witnessed the wonders of electro
biology, must be aware that power exists in ma
ture to convert carpet into a parterre of flow.
ers, cup of milk into a glass of champagne,
and pianoforte into horse at least to mako
the individual operated upon believe in these
metamorphoses, which is the same thing in so far
| as his existing sensations are concerned. Now,
| if we suppose this power to reside in the mind
of the individual himself, who thus exercises at
one and the same time to the voition of the one
rator and the docile faith of the patient, we shall
make the first step towards, comprehending tho
| mystery of. the Sentimental Young Lady. But
we must go further. We must suppose that this
! process is not merely experimental. not merely
the subject.matter of a seance, but the habit oe
years, carried on throughout all the phases of
| ladyhood The danger is, that if the idea is
once fairly taken hold of, we shall find philoso-
| phical doubt rising in our minds, as to which is
truth and which hallucination, for an enduring
impression is, to all practical purposes, reality
and we shall be at some difficulty in determining
-supposing us to be deliberate and conscientious
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. the pianoforte is really horse
or the horse really a pianoforte In such per-
plexity, however, let only cling to the consid-
Grafton, that the metamorphosis is primarily the
production of the young lady's Will, and we
shall have some chance of stopping short of abb
solute bewilderment. But all this we are in hopes
OF setting in clearer light as we get along, al
though Judlclous readers will doubtless make al
lowance for the metaphysical obscurity of tina
subject.
The sentimental young lady has a family.re-
semblance to the sentimental young gentleman,
but personally they are as unlike as if they
were no relatives at all The coarseness and
hardness OF the masculine animal modify his sem
timentality. He is not melancholy, but severe
The arrow has entered his soul by anticipation.-
He bestows his contempt and detestaton upon
mankind in the form of an advance. Knowing
the pangs OF betrayed friendship and unrequited
love to be in store for him, he rushes up to them
Indignantly, and feels them beforeha nd These.
however, are endurable by the brave and scorn-
full; but the loneliness of his being is an immor-
tai pang. How is it that he is not understood by
his fellow men !! Why is he single, solitary
atom IN this tremendous universe, belonging to
no system, and the object of no sympathy IL
| he cannot be loved he will at least make himself
! feared: he cultivates awful head of hair; and
| If his profession is intended to be peaceabe
one, addicts himself with stern resolution to the
mo1stache. Seldom he laughs; but he is an
adept at the smile for which we have no name in
! our language, although the French indicate it by
the word ricaner, expressing the alarming hiari-
| ty of death s head. 1t is no wonder that his
| (prospectiye) miseres should drive him to take
refuge in soda-water and havannahs, since ha
ranks himself among those castaways of the
world who are privileged to have recourse, in
their isolation, to intemperance and crime; re-
peatlng, with the proud despair of Fallen An
Then the spirits that still float above the wreck of
happiness
Are driven DER the shoals of guilt or ocean of ex
cess;
The magnet of their course is gone, or only points
in vain
The shore to which their shivered sail can never
stretch again
This young gentleman finds the world he defies
an ugly customer. 1t thrashes him into good
humor with it. 1t knocks him about till be has
no breath for vituperation. His betraying friend
helps him out of spunging house. or he helps
the other, which is all one. He marries his un-
requiring love; and discovers, to his consterna-
ton, that he has changed her into wife All
his corners are finally rubbed off by the collis-
ions OF time; likewise the hair from the crown Of
his head lie becomes fond Of ease and long sto-
rles and slipping claret; he grows goutv and
obese; he dies, and is buried. =
The sentimental young lady is quite different
person She Is more melancholy than severe more
plalntve than vituperative. There is a mystery
IN her sadness which piques the curiosity of Others
perhaps her own. She has various difficulties
to struggle with in world that seems to be made
up OF antagonlsms between mind and matter
Her tendency to embonpoint is kept down onlv
by the ceaseless anxiety it costs her; and dis
tress1ng appetite forces her to all sorts of expe-
dents. AT dinner, she will trouble you for no.
thing more than the side-bone of chicken, .as
she is not partial to animal food, and as she had
pany to remove the sensation of hunger tits
to this delicacy of eating, in fact, she owes the
faint perfume included by Barry Cornwall among
the attributes of beauty, but which the coarser
Byron alludes to as smelling of bread and butter.
we admit, however, that there is some want of
science betrayed in the young lady's proceedings
On this point, bread and butter containing in
reality much more of the fattening principle than
animal food however, she does all for the best
listening poor girl, to the cracking of her cor
sage.strings, as if they were so many pistol-shots
fired by an ambushed assassin at her peace
Another misery is the vulgar suffusion to which
her face is liable. To spread the hue of health
over the pale sufferers cheek is mere hypocrisy
OF nature; and she opposes it as far as pearl-pow-
der and internal draughts will 90. She is seldom
entirely successful the color, banshed frtm every
other spot, lingering occasionally on her nose-a
stains from wine.
The sentimental young lady has heavy epis-
tolary correspondence, although for the most part
confined to single individual This is the Sc
rious business of her life. On coming down stairs
in the morning, she darts upon the basket on the
hail-table like bird of prey. At other post.
hours, she watches at the parlor window. She
has learned to interpret the physiognomy of tho
postman, between whom and her there is gradu-
ally developed masonic intelligence. Sometimes
he shakes his head, and says. No, MISS with
deprecatlng look; and at other times puts the
iooked-ior letters into her hands confidentially,
and passes on as if relieved from responsible
ty What is the subject of these letters2 We
dare not conjecture; but we have dim impress
sion that they relate mainly to metaphysics, and
contain the true key to ever so much of the phi
losophy of life. But we must here advert-and
not without indignation-to the practice this
young lady has of crossing her letters This she
perpetrates not only vertically, but often diago-
nally to boot; thereby converting the letter into
a dense congeries of scratches, as unintelligible