The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1853-11-16
III isrcllo II y.
The Double disappointment.

wife, and was in love with a pretty wo
e mamie wished to be divorced from tho
$ bad wife, SO that he might marry the
, pretty woman, who, by the by, was q
widow, with black eyes, and such d bust
. Therefore, Jones came to Trenton for q
divorce. Smith had good wife, plump
as robin, good as an angel, and the
, mother of ten children and Smith did
not want to be divorced, but did want to
t get charter for turnpike, or plank
road, to extend from Pigs Run TO Ter.
rapin Hollow. Well, they with these
different errands, came to Trenton. and
addressed the assembled wisdom with
the usual arguments. lst, suppers, main
) composed of oysters, with rich back
ground of steak and venison I'd. liquors
in great plenty, from Jersey Lightning
which is kind of locomotive at full
speed, reduced to liquid shape-to New
ark champagne To speak in plain
prose, Jones the divorced man, gave a
champagne supper, and Smith the turn
pike man, followed with champagne
breakfast. Under the modifying nhu
cnce Of which, the assembled wisdom
passed both the divorce and turnpike
bills, and Jones and Smith, copy of
each bill in their porkets--wcnt rejoic
ing home, over miles of sand, and thr'o
the tribulation of many stage coaches
Smith arrived at home in the evening
and as he sat down in his parlor, his
pretty wife beside him-how pretty she
did look and five of her children asleep
over head, the other five studying their
lessons in the corner of the room. Smith
was induced to cSpntinte upon the good
result of his mission to Trenton.
\ turnpike, my dear 1 am one of
the directors and will be president it
will set us up, love; We can send the
children to boarding school and live in
style, out of the toll Here is the char
ter, honey"
Let me see it" said the pretty wife.
who was one of the incest of wives, with
plumpness and goodness dimpling al
over her face. let me see it " and she
leaned over Smiths shoulder. pressing
her arm upon his own, as she looked at
the parchment. But all at once Smiths
visage grew long. Smiths wifes visage
grew black. Smith was not profane, but
now he ripped out an awful oath A." Blast
it, wife, these Internal scoundrels at
Trenton have gone and divorced us !"
II was too true, the parchment which he
held was bill of divorce, in which the
name of Smith and Smiths wife appear
ed in frightfully legible letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the
corner of her apron. Here's turn
pike !" she said sadly, "and with the
whole of our ten children staring us in
the face, l amt your wife Here's
turnpike p'
BLAST the pike and the legislature,
and" Well, the fact is, that Smith
reduced to single blessedncss, and zen
acted into stranger to his own wife,
swore awfully. Although the night was
dark, and most ofthe denzcns of Smith
village had gone to bed, Smith bid his
late wife put on her bonnet and arm in
arm they proceeded to the house Of the
clergyman of their church
" Goodness bless me !" exclaimed the
mild, good old man, as he saw them en-
ter. Smith looking like the very last of
June shad, and Smiths wife wipiDg her
eyes with the corner of her apron
. Goodness bless me. what's the mat
ter ln
"The matter is, l want you to mar
ry us two right off l'' replied Smith.
Marry you?" calculated the clergy
man, with expanded fingers and awful
eyes. "are you drunk or crazy ?"
1 amt crazy, and wish I was
drunk" said Smith, desperately the
fact is, brother Goodwin, that some
scoundrels at Trenton, unbeknown to
me, and at dead of night, have gone and |
divorced me from my own wife; she is
the mother of-of-nine children !"
" Ten" suggested Mrs. Smith, who
was crying, " Here's a turnpike !"
Well, the good minister seeing the
state of the case (the Trenton parchment
was duly produced from the pocket of
the lugubrious Smith,, married them
over straight-way, and would not take
fee the fact is grave as he was, he was
dying to be alone so that he could give
vent to suppressed laugh, which was
shaking him all over and Smith and |
Smiths wife went home and kissed eve
ry one of their ten children. The little
Smiths never knew that their father and |
mother had been made strangers to each
other by legislative enactments.
Meanwhile on the seli.same night,
Jones returned to his native town
Burlington; | believe-and sought at
once the fuc pair of black eyes which
he hoped shortly to call his own. The
pretty widow sat on the sofa, a white
'kerchlef tied carelessly about her round
white throat, her black hair laid in silky
waves against each rosy check.
"Divorce is the word," cried Jones,
playfully patting her double chin. "The
fact is, Eliza, Pm rid of that cursed wo-
man, and you and I'll be married to-
night. know how to manage those
scoundrels at Trenton. A champagne
supper Tor was it breakfast p cid the
business for them. Put on your bonnet
and let us go to the preachers at once,
dearest"
The widow (who was among widows
as peaches are among apples,) put on her
bonnet and took Jones arm, a.i--
Just look how handsome i. is put on
parchment !" cried Jones, pulling out the
document before her. Here's the law
which says that Jacab Jones and Ann
Caroline Jones are two Look at it |"
Putting her plump gloved hand on his
shoulder. she did look at it
80 dear ln she said with her rose