The Belmont chronicle, and farmers, mechanics and manufacturers advocate. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1848-1855, 1853-04-29
STORY OF A UUMORIsT.


; Well, Ihave seen your friend, and find hi
to be exactly what you describe him as bein
| a humorist. He seems to have impaired muc
OF that character to everything around hin
, His servants are all admirably disciplined
J second his whims, and his very furniture i
, for the most part adapted to the same purpose
This put me upon my guard; and there wa
hardly anything in the room that l did no
touch with apprehension. No trick howeve
was practised upon me; and, as found sub
sequently, was indebted for such indulgence
to one which was reserved for me at nigh,
and which was such as perhaps all my Eng
lish phlegm would not have enabled me L
bear with patience. escaped, however, be
ing put to the proof, by the merest acciden
the arrival Of poor Scotch surveyor, VIII,
was thought filter subject for the often re
peated experiment.
The Scotchman was treated with extreme
hospitality; he was helped to everything tc
excess; his glass was never allowed to stant
full or empty Cor minute. The potations
were suspended not until, and only while the
cloth was laying for supper, during and afte,
which they were resumed with renovated en-
ergy. Our entertainer was like the landlord
described by Addison; the liquor seemed to
have no other effect on him than upon any
other vessel in the house. 1t was not SO with
his Scotch guest, who was, by this time, much
further advanced upon the cruise of intoxica-
tion than half seas ouer.
In this state he was conducted to his cham
Der, fine lofty Gothic apartment, with a
bedstead that seemed coeval with the building.
say seemed-for that was by no means the
case, it being in reality a modern piece of
structure. 1t was of dark mahogany, with its
four posts extending completely to the cell
ing of the chamber. The bed, however, was
not more than two feet from the floor, the
better to enable the party to get into it. The
Scotchman, with good deal of assistance,
was soon undressed, and had his body depos-
tied in this place of repose. All the party
then retired, wishing him good night, and
removing the candle for fear of accidents.
When the door was closed was, for the
the first time, made acquainted with the struc-
ture of the bedstead, which our host consid-
cred as his masterpiece. Upon the touching
of a spring, outside the door, the bed was so
acted upon by pulley that it ascended slow
ly and smoothly through the four posts, until
it came within two or three feet of the cell
ing. The snoring of the Scotchman was the
signal for touching the spring, and he was
soon at the proper altitude.
The servants required no instructions how
10 act. In one moment the house was in an
uProar; cries of Sire! fire' were heard in diff
ferent directions. A pile of shavings was
set in blaze opposite the window where
poor Sawney slept. The landlords voice
was continually heard, exclaiming, Good
heavens! save the poor Scotch gentlemen, if
possible, the flames have got into the room
just under him!'
AT this moment we heard him fall, and bel
low out. A sudden silence took place; every
light was extinguished, and the whole house
seemed to be buried in the most profound re-
pose. The Scotchman's voice could alone
be heard, roaring out in the high dialect of
his country, for assistance.
At length, two of the men servants, in their
shirts, entered the room, with candle Just
lit, and yawnng as if just aroused from their
first sleep. They found him sprawling on the
floor.
20, dear sir, what is the matter with you!'
'Matter!' says he; why isn't the house on
fre'
Not at ALL SIR
What was the reason of the cries of fire,
thenp
Bless you, sir, you must have been dream
ing; why there's not SO much as mouse STIR
ring, and his honor and the whole family have
been asleep these three hours
The Scotchman now gave up all credit in
the testimony of his own senses.
Il must ha' been dreaming, indeed, and ha'
hurt myself by falling out of the bed.'
Hurt ynursaif. sir!-not much, hope, the
bed is so low;' and by this time it had peen
made to descend to its first level.
The poor Scot was quite confused; quite
ashamed at disturbing the family; begged a
thousand pardons, accompanied the servants
to the door, closed it after them, and was once
more left in the dark.
But the last act of the pantomime was no,
performed. The spring had been immediate.
ly touched upon closing the door, and the bed
was soon beyond the reach of our guest. We
could hear him cropping about, and utterins
frequent CALCULATIONS of astonishment. He
easily found the bed-posts, but it was in vain
he could endeavor to get in. He moved his
hands up and down. His leg was often lifted
by way of stepping in, but always encoun
tered the floor in its descent. He uttered
exclamations of surprise, not loud, but deep
for fear of again disturbing the family. Ht
concluded himself TO be in possession of some
evil spirit.
In short, when it was found by his silence
that he had given up the task as hopeless, ant
had disposed of himself upon one OF the chairs
the bed was allowed to slide down again, ant
in the morning Sawney could not but express
his astonishment at not being able to find i
in the dsrk.--Ertract ofa Letter written il
1892.
The new postmaster ut New Orleans is not