Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1853-04-14
VOL.VII.

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see through them. The brook was laughing
in the sunshine, and murmuring joyously as it
ghded over the stones, and | felt strong
temptation to pop the piping part of baby into
it. l am sure the clock cried mockingly, DO
il! do it!' But the thought Of coroner's jury
restrained me; country jury Of Dutch Doors,
with short pipes in their mouths, and skulls
two layers of brick thick. g-es
There was rooster upon fence tapping
his wings and growing like Trojan-I do be-
lleye 1t was over my perplexity the pigs
were grunting in their sty, pulling each others
ears for amusement and a cow was giving
nourshment TO her calf in distant ied.-.
Suddenly bright idea struck me. / siezed
an old tobacco-piPe that had been slowed away
upon the mantel-piece, aud immersing the bulb
in tumbler Of water, thrust the stem into ba-
by's mouth. Baby was no genius. became
satisfied of that in minute. 1t is an attribute
Of genius TO accomplish its desires with imper-
feet instruments. There was no stoppage ia
the pipe. tried it myself.
was at my wits ends, and laid the baby on
the floor, examining my fingers into my ears.
1t was of no use. could not shut out the
sound. 1t was like a thousand 'ear-piercing
pipes drilling me through and through.
was rIddled with screams that touched like
galvanic wires on every nerve. The clatter of
three-story cotton-mill, with hundred girls
talking of new bonnets through the din, was
nothing to it. All the locomotives in the In
ion, tortured into state of agony, would alone
compare with it. But mill and locomotive
might be stopped, and baby could not be quiet
ed, even for moment. Anything but a ba-
by's lungs would have been worn ont by such
an abuse of power. But their strength only
increased, seeming to acquire new pipes at ev-
cry blast. What would | not have given for
the sight of a petticoat bearing down to my re-
liefi Never did Robinson Crusoe on his des-
ert island gaze more longingly over the ocean
in search of sail, than did down the road
for bonnet and curls. / could have smiled
lovingly on the fattest dowager that ever swell
tered in the West Indies, or the thinnest scrub
that pays her devotions to the door-steps But
the feminine, like other useful commodities,
had all vanished when most wanted Even
the cat, accustomed 10 nursing as she was
even the cat, sensible creature, had disappeared.
Like the distressed hero of a novel, | was left
10 my own resources, and had no resources
left. There was a baby Topping about on the
floor like a porpoise on a ships deck, as if ly-
ing on its beam ends was q natural postion.-
| righted it dozen times, but over it went
again, as if all its ballast had shifted to the head
| brought the shovel and tongs and the bellows
from the fireplace, but baby wouldn't look at
them, not bit Of it; although took the trou-
bic to blow the bellows in the blue-bottle's
face, and sent the threads on the carpet flying
about the room. Even the clothes-brush and
nutmeg crater proved no attraction, and broke
suspender-button hopping about like frog
on all fours If l had stood on my head, and
shook the pennies out of my pockets, it would
have had no effect. Even a lump of sugar
would not bribe it to be quiet. 1t made wry
faces at the mirror, and pitched savagely into
the pillow, turned Indignantly from the tea ket-
tie, and squared off at the rolling-Pin. III
had given it the carving knife, do verify be-
lieve that it would have cut off IFS own head,
and made two squalls instead of one; but /
forbore. Give me credit for my magnanimity
forbore.
For nearly mortal hour-an age-was
thus kept in a state Of frenzy. My hairs stood
up like quills upon the fretful porcupine.'-
They have always stubbornly refused To lie
down smoothly since. If my trials had lasted
much longer, l should certainly have had "a
gray head upon young shoulders Perhaps
should have sunk into the grave with ner-
vous fever and had Died Of baby-nursing' as
an epitaph upon my tombstone. Fortunately
for the public in general, and me iE particular,
| was spared such catastrophe by the return
of the mother, who burst painting into the room
at the critical moment when my Job-like pa
tience had miserably perished-by degrees, as
the water leaks from a broken-hooped bucket.
With what feeling of relief did l look up at
the old clock as it announced to me. in its
most cheerful tones, 'she's come she's come =
Would you believe its-but I'm sure you
can't, the fact seems too great an enormity-
that little piece of perversity was as quiet as
lamb in minute Why, the mother was so
deceived that she actually called it her pre-
cious lamb heard her and was astounded
| s.. r. 7 I
did. Lamb, indeed If that was being lamb,
what would it be when it became mntton!-
Why, it was fast asleep again i'm no time, and
laughing in its dreams over the fun it had en-
joyed. Didn't vow never TO be caught alone
with baby again! If ever am, may be
served in the same manner again.-La-
dy's Book.
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