Semi-weekly North-Carolina standard., 1853-04-30
STORY OF a HUMORIST.

Well, have seen your friend, and ind him to-
be exactly what you described him as being-a
buauor1st. He seems to have impaired much OF
that character to everything around him. His
servants were admirably well disciplined to second
his whims, and his very furniture is, for the most
part, adapted to the same purpose. This put me
upon my guard; and there was hardly anything
in the room that did not touch with apprehension
No trick, however, was practised upon me and,
as found subsequently,, was indebted for such
indulgence to one which was reserved for me at
night, and which such perhaps all my
English phlegm would not have been able to bear
with patience l escaped, however, being put on
the proof by the merest accdent-the arrival of
! poor Scotch surveyor, who was thought litter
subject for their very often repeated experiment.
! The Scotchman was treated with extreme hos
pitality he was helped to everything to excess ;
his glass was never allowed to stand full or empty
| for one moment. The potations were not suspen-
ded until, and only while, the cloth laying for
supper, during which and after they were resumed
with renovated energy. Our entertainer was like
the landlord described by Addison, the liquor
seemed to have effect upon him than up
on any other vessel in the house. 1t was not so
with his Scotch guest, who was by this time much
farther advanced upon the cruise OF lntoXlcatlon
than half seas over.
! In this state he was conducted to his chamber
a fine gothic apartment, with a bedstead that
seemed coeval with the building. say seemed,
for that was no means the case, it being in reality,
a modern piece of structure. 1t was of dark ma
hogany, with its four posts extending completely
to the ceiling of the chamber. The bed, however,
was not than two feet from the floor, the bet
! ter to enable the party to get into it.
| The Scotchman, with good deal of assistance,
was soon undressed, and had his body deposited
in this place of repose All the party then retired,
wishing him a good nights rest, and removing the
candle for fear of accidents.
When the door was closed, I was, for the first
time, made acquainted with the structure of the
bedstead, which our host considered his master
piece. Upon touching spring outside the door,
the bed was so acted upon by a pully, that it as
cended slowly and smoothly through the four posts
until it came within two or three feet of the cell
ing. The snoring of the Scotchman the sig
nal for touching the spring, and he was soon at
the proper attitude.
The servants required no instructions how to act
In one moment the house was in an uproar cries
of " fire fire." was heard in different directions
A pile of shavings set on fire opposite the
room where poor Sawney slept. The landlords
voice was continually heard, exclaiming: Z" Good
heavens save the poor Scotch gentleman, if pos
sible; the flames have got in the room under
him.
At this moment we heard him fall and below
out. A sudden silence took place; every light was
extinguished, and the whole house seemed to be
buried in the most profound repose. The Scotch
mans voice could alone be heard, roaring out in
the high dialect of his country for help.
At length, two of the men servants, In then
shirts, entered the room with candle just lit, as
if they had been just aroused from their sleep
They found him lying sprawling on the floor
Oh my dear sir, what is the matter with you 2
Matter" W says he; why is not the house OH
fire ?''
Not at all, sir"
"What tbs reason of the cries of fire.
then %
| "Bless you, sir, you must have been dreaming
why there's not so much mouse stirring, and
his honor and his whole family have been asleep fol
at least three hours"
i The Scotchman now gave up all credit in the
testimony of his own senses.
Il must ha' been dreaming, and ha' hurt my
self by falling out of bed"
"Hurt yourself, sir-not much, hope, the bed
is so low;'' and by this time it had been made tc
descend to its original height.
! The poor Scott was quite confused quite asham
ed of disturbing the family; begged thousand
pardons, accompanied the servants to the door
closed it after them, and once more left in the
dark.
But the last act of the pantomine was not per-
formed. The spring had been Immediately touched
upon closing the door, and the bed soon be-
l yond the reach of our guest. We could hear him
: cropping about, and utteriug frequent ejacuatons
} Of astonishment. He easily found the bed-posts
5 but it was in vain he endeavored to get in. He
: moved his hands up and down. His legs were Of
ten lifted by way of stepping in, but always en-
countered the floor upon its descent. He-uttereo
| his exclamatons of surprise not loud, but deep
for fear of again disturbing the family. He con
3 cluded himself possessed of some evil spirit.
In short, when it was found BY his silence, thai
he had given up the task as hopeless and had dis
2 posed of himself upon one of the chairs, the bee
was allowed to slide down again, and in the morn
! ing Sawney could not but express his astonish
S ment at not being able to find it in the dark.-Er
g tract Of a Letter acritten IN 1892.
How TO PREPARE DIGEsTIBLE Toast. A high
t ly phosoI bical description is given in the House
/ hold Almanac for 1853, of the proper mode o
toasting bread. 1t is as follows: Chestnut brown
f will be far too deep color for good toast the
/ nearer you can keep it to straw color the more
b, wholesome it will be- If you would have slice