Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1853-07-22
,ERMS: $3.50 IN ADVANCE.
Death-bed Advice of Hon. Simon smirk.
BY w, o, EATON.

Death-bed Advice of Hon. Simon Smirk.
w. o. EATON.
Simon Smirk was on his death bed. His son Sam
ue was standing by his side, and while he was hold
ing his fathers hand, his father spoke to him as
follows
Sammy, am dying-at the age of fifty five. I
wish you to pay strict attention to my dying ad-
vice.
Father will"
"And wish you to follow my advice after l am
dead.n
II will father"
"Sammy. the neighbors and all my friends tell
me ! haven't enemy in the world, and believe |
haven't. want you to understand why haven't.
1t is all owing to policy, Sam policy, and nothing
shorter. When | was of your age my boy, was as
poor old village horse, turned out to die. Age
has at last broken me down, but aint poor thank
policy Follow my example, and you will become
far richer than your father, Sammy, and die
without an enemy, as | do"-
Samuel Smrk wept, in duty bound. But grief
and his handkerchief choked his utterance, and SO
he said nothing.
''It has always been my policy resumed the
dying Smirk, g to avoid giving offence to any one
No matter what people said to me-or any one else
right wrong-I have always endeavored to for
bear and submit, wherever could to be calm and
cautious all occasions, and to avoid the exhibi-
tion of any sign of resentment By long experience
in this have found that by persevering to agree
with everybody, seeming, and to fatter everybody,
is sure eventual guide to universal popularity.'
g But have you never had any difficulty with any
once"
g Not since l was twenty-one," said the dying
man gasping for breath. Reach me little water
and wet my lips. They are too parched for me to
speak plain. There-there' he added, as his
obeyed him " that will do, and you shall be initia-
ted into my invariable, invaluable policy. Be de-
ferenta Sam, deferential and control your temper,
and Halter wherever you get chance; have
bow, a smile and a word and shake of the hand
V-mark PrpJUJOdN-and then
will get along
g But | mustn't be friendly to Williams, must | o.
Friendly Hump! Be friendly to nobody; only
seem So. Williams they compose two-thirds of the
community; and they are the most influential. AS
for the other third, though it is well enough to keep
their good opinion they are only subordinate agents
in the building up of man" But don't get atfront-
ed with 'em ?' ''Oh no, Sam, never do that. Never
kick dog. unless you are he hasn't any owner,
then kick away if you like !"
Though his father was dying, Samuel could not
help smiling at this language.
''That's right" said the elder Smirk, e like that
Smile again, Sam, smile again. By smiling have
gained many friend But be careful you don't
weapon, but it must be used with Judgment"
' Do you know, Sam, why | was always such
favorte with the women o.
No, father"
~ was always careful, in the first place, to feel
my way with the women took care to understand
their characters, their particular vanites and hob
bles keeping my own ideas in the back ground, till
could coincide with theirs ] always took care
never to speak disrespectful of the I never in
the presence of a woman, called woman a wo
man. or ''female." | had but one name-lades
for all the feminine gender"
How did you do when they differed and asked
your opinion ?'
81 would agree with one and at the same time
wink at the other slyly, as to say It's all humbug
what am saying If a woman ugly, Id praise
her intellect. If she didn't know anything I'd praise
her virtue In this way I seldom missed my mark ;
tor 1t is very seldom you find woman that is ugly
immoral and fool in the bargain. In fact it is
hard work to find anybody who hasn't some good
point, or who isn't susceptible to hatcry in some
way or other and man must be an ass, who, if
determined to tlatter and make his fattery accept
Bile, can't seize hold of some merit in mind in heart
form face of the person he wishes to please, and
telgning to admire it make that person friendly.'
Must be liberal or stngy @
"Oh, be liberal BE liberal, by all MEANS" said
the dying man, with CHASTITY smile that is-in
sentiment. Whenever generous deed is done ex-
alt it to the skies Always praise generous people
Clap your hands for philanthropy, and then clap
them in your pocket and keep them there''
"Supposse beggar asks aims of me, or am call
ed on to subscribe to some charitable object?
elf amy person begs, say Certainly my poor wo-
man., or my man., my poor child and then
quickly feel in your pockets. You will find no mo-
ney OF course but you must say with sigh, and a
Il
really ashamed to say it, but unfortunately haven't
a cent about me- If you don't get God bless
YOU for that, I'm mistaken. | never found it to
fail"
"But subscription ?'
Read the paper, praise the object, but say that
you have just subscribed more than you could
afford, for another object of a similar nature If
the applicant believes by this, that you are in the
charitable line he will let you off. whereas if you
refused, out and out, without an explanation, he
might abuse you behind your back | have made
myself a great reputation for benevolence. merely
by refusing to subscribe in this way. This is a
queer world, Sam"
Here the old gentleman seized with violent
fit of coughing, which nearly took him out of this
queer world.
Il fear, father, that talking so much will be fatal
to you,' said Samuel.
mo, no. resumed his father, 81 am determined
not to die till get through AS Twas saying, Sam
my, this is queer cd world, and you can't get a.
long in it without religion"
"Without what 2" exclaimed his son in amaze.
ment. He had never heard him mention religion
before in his life.
Without religion. Hire pew by all means
ak religion occasionally-you can soon get the
hang OF It, PROTESTANT practice when you're OBJ
iged to- But at any rate, profess; it helps fellow
along in business. | got some of my most profta-
bic customers and best friends ty protesting religion
Pew rent is no object when you come to think of
that
But if you belong to church you will have to
defend its doctrines and religious controversies
ate enmity, don't they!
"Sometmes. But whenever found that was
getting into trouble account of mn religion was
always careful to yield point or two, smile in
christianlIke way and then back out of the scrape
That's the way to do it,
at is best suppose to be some kind of a politi-
clan % inquired his son.
''By ell means, but take care and ALWAYS be on