The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1853-04-07
STORY or A HUmORIsT.

Well, have seen your friend, and
find him to be exactly what you described
him as being-a hunorist lie seems to
have impaired much Of tina, character to
everything around him. His servants are
all admirably disciplined to second his
whms. and his very furniture is, for the
most part, adapted 10 the same purpose
This put me upon my guard; and there
was hardly anything in the room that j
did not touch with apprehension. No
trick, however, was practced upon me
and, as found subsequently, was in
debted for such indulgence TO one which
was reserved for me at night, and which
was such as perhaps all my English
phlegm would not have enabled me to
bear with patience. escaped, however,
being put to the proof, by the merest ac
cident-the arrival Of poor Scotch sur.
veyor, who was thought filter subject for
the often repeated experiment.
The Sootchman was treated with ex.
treme hospitality he was helped to eve.
rything to excess ; his glass was never
allowed 10 stand full or empty for one
minute. The potations we're suspended
not until, and only while, the cloth was
laying for supper. during and after which
they were resumed with renovated ener.
gy. Our entertainer was like the land.
lord described by Addison; the liquor
seemed to have no other effect upon him
than upon any other vessel in the house.
1t was not so with this Scotch guest. who
was, by this time, much farther advanced
upon the cruise Of inloxication than halt
seas orer.
In this state he was conducted 10 his
,hamber-a fine lofty Gothic apartment,
with bedStead that seemd coeval with
the building. | say seemed /; for that
was by no means the case, it being in re.
alty modern piece ofstructure. 1t was
Of dark mahogany, with ist four posts ex.
tending completely to the ceiling Of the
chamber. The bed, however, was moi
more than about two feet from the floor
the better to enable the party 10 get into
it. The Scotchman, with good deal OIL
assistance, was soon undressed, and had
his body deposited, in this place Of repose.
All the patty than retired, wishing him a
good night, and removing the candle for
fear Of accidents.
" i.en the door was closed. WAS, for
the first time, made acquainted with the
structure Of the bedstead, which our host
considered as his masterpiece. Upon the
touching of a spring, outside the door, the
bed was so acted upon by pulley that
it ascended slowly and smoothly through
the four posts. until il came within two
feet OF the ceiling. The snoring Of the
Scotchman was the signal FOR touching
the spring. and he was soon at the proper
latitude.
The Servants required no instructions
how TO act. ln one moment the house
was in an uproar; cries Of fire! fret
were he ard in different directions. A pile
Of Shavings was set in blaze opposite
the window where poor Sawney slept. -
The landlords voice was continually
heard, exclaimng, Good heavens save
| The poor Scotch gentleman, if possible
/ the flames havs got into the room just un.
der him!" 9
At this moment. we heard him fall, and
below out. A sudden silence took place:
every light was extinguiShed, and the
whole house seemed to be buried in the
most profound repose. The Scotchman's
voice could be heard, roaring out, in the
high dialect Of his country. for assistance
At length, two of the men servants, in
their shirts, entered the room, with can.
die just lit, and yawning, as ifjuSt aroused
from their firts sleep. They found him
sprawing on thehoor.
10, dear, sir, what is the matter with
you2"
"Matterl" sasy he; "why, isn't the
house on fret"
"Not at oil, sir"
"What was the reason of the cries oil
fire, then!''
"Bless you, sir. you must have been
dreaming; why, theHsin not so much as
mouse sturring, am honour and the
whole family have been asleep these three
hours"
The Scotchman now gave up all credit
in the testimony of his own senses.
ii must ha' been dreaming indeed, and
ha' hurt myself by falling out of the bed"
"Iiurl yourself, sir!--not much, hope,
the bed is SO low;" and by this time j; ;had
been made 10 descend TO its first level.
The poor Scott was quite confused ;
quite ashamed at disturbing the family
begged thousand pardons, accompanied
the servants to the door, closed it after
them, and was once more lett in the dark.
But the last act of the pantomime was
moi performed. The spring had been i'm
.nediately touched upon closing the door;
and the bed was soon beyond the reach
of our guest. We could hear him gro.
ping about, and uttering frequent ejacu-
lations Of astonishment. lie easily found
the bed-posts, but it was in vain he could
endeayour 10 get in. lie moved his hands
up and down. His leg was often lifted by
way Of stepping in, but always encoun.
tered the floor upon its descent He ut.
tered EXPLANATIONS of surprise not loud,
but deep, for fear of again disturbing the
family. lie concluded himself to be in
the possession Of soume evil spirit.
In short. when it was found, by bis 81
lence, that he had given up the taks as
hopeless. and had disposed himself upon
Il Il. Ii. L. II Ill A.