Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1853-04-14

The ansucf--"I an thine"
M There are three kinds Of men in the
world the nWills," the aWon'ts, and the
aCan'ts.n The former effect everything.
and tho latter fail ia everything. II willn
builds our railroads and steamboats,. II
won'tn dent't believe in experiments and
nonsense 2 while aIcan't' grows weeds for
wheat, and commonly ends his days in the
slew digestion Of a court Of bankruptcy.
Coon Loslcs--'Brudder Bones. can you
tell ne the difference tween dieing and d.
oting1' why, OBJ corse can, Lemuel-
When you diet you lib on uosin, and when
yeu die you hab nothing to lib on, We'll.
: dat's different from what tort il wus ]
terri Il was race atwene de- doctorin stuff
and starvation, to see which would kill dc
fustt
~ A runaway couple were married at
Greths Green. The smith demanded five
guineas for his service
sHoW is this2' said the bridegroom athe
gentleman you last married assured me
that be only gave y6u guinea.
sTrpe,n said che smith, but be isan Irish.
man Ilhavs married him six times He
T. q tssio1ner-you | may never see again
NJ The fastidious editor Of the Yankee
Blade! gives the following among other
'hints;on Matrimony :'..Don' { be surprised
II, after you have sailed smoothly eight or
zen mbaths, on the voyage Of matrimony,
you are suddenly oyertaken By squalls
ET A gentleman who had by fall bro.
ken one Of his ribs. was meutioninglthe cir.
eumstances and describing the pain he felt.
He was asked II the injury he received was
near che vertebrael
No he replied, ii was within . few
yards Of The Court House
JUKrr's JoKE THE candles you sold
ne last we're very bad, said Sett, to q tai.
low-ohandler Indeed, sir, / am sorry for
that Yes, sir, do you know they burnt
50 the middle, and would then burn no Ion.
ger You surprise me what, sir, did they
So cut y No, sir, no they barnt shorter.
NJ A trareIlcrin one Of the Western
States, came upon negro BY the roadside,
pulling the fleece from the carcass Of a
sheep, and inquired, What allied the crit.
Ger, Cafy r 'Ah, mas'r,a answered the
Rrinning black, sall dis chile know bout
en- Be, 10 kied in De srOol,'
~ Lord Ellepborough once said to
barristet, upon his asking, 10. the midst Of
: boring harangue as il the pleasure Of
the court that | should proceed with my,
Statementr pleasure. Mr. -, has been
cut Of the question fer a long lime, but you
may proceed
HrsA man passing through one Of the
public Offices. was aiftonted BY some clerks,
and was advised 10 complain to the priuci
pal, which no did thus
II hare been abused by some Of the ras.
enls Of this place. and come to acquaint ron
gift IS ] understand you are the principal
E,rsAre yop IN love, Mary
Yes, mother
How much y
sWsll. don't know exactly, but should
think about Eve feet, or hereabou,s, for /
feel all everish
~ Ahf Mr. Simpkins, 70 have not
chairs enough for our company said gay
youug wife 20 her frugal husband
Plenty Of chairs, ducky, bata lilile too
much eompany, replied Simpkins.
ir1rA western editor says his sheet con.
tails Is choice avHiety as the one which
was lee down 10 Peter in Q vision. That
NAY hc-but We believe that Peter called
lthe contsnts Of Thai sheet 'unclean.
E-'No one eensdo . thing against his
will said Z melelhysician.
BE je6efs b61 brother said Pat, chat
vent 70 Botany Bay, an faith know il was
greatly against bis own will
10 When TELLER frst falls in love, the
sensation Il like hay-bug crawling up the
Leo u bis trousers At least that Is the