Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1853-10-28
An Ine,den, Of my Cnllahood.

An incident OF my Childhood.
Mabcl," said my aunt, facing me sternly. and
speaking with emphasis" you are lowered forever
in nv ewes! When Mr. Ellison comes, he shall as
suredIy know of this Co.'S she added, with ges.
ture as if the sight fine were intolerable shall
never have confidence in you again.
ran out of the room into the garden through the
side-door, which always stood open in hot weather
but my cousins were at play on the lawn; SO new
on in the bitterness oil my wounded spirit, until
found the shade and quiet wanted under large
hoary apple tree, which stood in the neighboring
orchard Under its spreading branches threw my
self down.
I have vivid impression of the aspect and *'feel'
of that summer afternoon. The heat was intense
even the ground on which lay seemed to burn the
bare crossed beneath my humble head knew
there not grateful cloud in the radiant SKY a
bove me !; felt there was breath of wind stir
ring not enough even TO rustic the thick leaves OF
the orchard trees The garish brilancy, the sultry
stiffness, oppressed me almost more than could
hear. If could have hidden myself from the sight
of the sum- if could have cheated my own conscious
ness, would have gladly done [ will not be-
eve the world held at that moment more wretch
ed being than | was-that any grown-up man or
woman, with developer faculties, ever suffered more
keenly from the pangs of self contempt.
For let me at once tell the reader, | was no VIC
tim OF injustice or misconstrCction the words with
which had been driven from the house were Justl-
fed by what had done. ! was fourteen years OF
age had been carefully and kindly educated, none
knew better than the difference between right and
wrong; yet in spite of age, teaching, and the intel
lect's enlightment had just been guilty of gross
moral transgression | had been Convicted of false
hood and more than that, it was no impulsive lie
escaping me in some exgency, but deliberate one,
and calculated to do another hurt. The whole house
knew of it--servants cousins, and all the coming
guest was to know of it too My shame
plete 81 What shall do what will become OF me!'
/ cried aloud. =" | shall never be happy again!
/ 1t seemed so to me. had lost my position in the
house where had been so favored and happy
had compromised my character from that day hence
| forward. |, who had meant to do such good In the
world had lost my chance for that sin clingng to
my conscience, the remembrance OF which should
read in every bodJs face and altered manner, would
make effort impossb BILE. My aunt had lost all con
fdence in me-that was terrible but what
worse | had lost all confidence in myself. saw
myself mean, ungenerous, liar | had no more
selt-respect. When my cousins whispered together
about me, the servants nodded and smiled sgn'h-
canty, should have nothing to fall back upon
Why, was what they thought me; could not de-
fy their contempt, but must take it as my due |
might get angry hut who would mind my anger =?
A thousand thoughts exasperated my anguish.
! | was very fond of reading, and had liking for
heroic bio raphies. Noble actions, fine principles
always awoke passionate enthusiasm in my mind
caused strong throbs of ambition, and very often
my aunt had lent kind ear to the eutpourlng OF
such emotions. The would be altered now
night read, indeed but such feelings must hence
hear thus expatiate! | was cut off from fellow
ship with the good.
! must give up too. my little class at the village
Sunday school, which had been proud to under
take. How could I, despised at home, go among
the children as before could never talk to them
as used to venture to do. They would know it,
as all the world would know; they would mock me
in their hearts-each feeling she better than /.
rose up from the grass for my state of mind
would bear the prone attitude longer and lean
ing against the tree, looked around me. Oh !! The
merry games had had in this orchard The re-
collection brought food of bitter tears to my eyes
i had not cried before-for I was that time
was past should never have another. s. Never,
never % cried, wringing my hands; 81 shall new
er have the heart to play again. even if they would
play with me. am another girl now y
In truth, my brief experience seemed to have old
ened me- to have matured my faculties. saw my
self in kind of vague confused vision, as might
have been, as could never become. No; life
altered thing from what it had appeared yes
ter!ay | had marred its capabilities on the TIRES
hold. | could get glimpse of the house through
] the trees | could see the parlor windows where
within the shady room, tea even now being pre-
pared for the expected visitor. Alb that visitor
n wit whom | used to be favorite who had always
6 been so kind-he now on his way with the same
heart toward me, little knowing what had happened
:, little knowing | was lost and ruined!
Does this description of my state of mind of my
sense of guilt overstraned! 1t is just posi-
BILE give little more conference to my reflections
than they had at the time, but can not color too
: highly the anguish of humiliation they produced
r it was all but intolerable. Il SUPPOSE" said
Y modify to ysef for a reaction commencing
= suppose shant always feel like this, or shou'C
o go mad. shall get used to it presently used tt
: being miserable!"
e Just then heard my name shouted by one of my
cousins but had not the heart to shout in answer
No doubt tea ready but wanted 10 tea. Mr.
Ellison might be come, but dreaded to see him
My cousin called. and toward the spot wher
IS | stood till he caught sight of me. He no
+ with the search, and angry that had not answered
moreover what boy about his age, in the lustihoo(
: of dozen summers knoweth aught of tenderness
n consideration ! ''There you miss" he said
u savagely, I" and pretty hunt I've had! You're t
Q come in to tea and another time don't give better
l. people the trouble of fetching you don't like it,
g can tell you"
l. He was just off again. eager for his meal, but
n stopped him. Bob is Mr.. Ellison come q cried
II Hours ago; and he and mother have been shu
; up long talking about you. know; an
e don't Bob me- please Miss Mabel | don't like it,!
c My spirit swelled. Was this to be the way On
q have kissed his feet now walked back to tn
If heart
NJ CONCLUDED THIRD
~ IMPORTANT TO SHIPPERS TO BRAZIL.-RObert
% Scott Esq, the U. S. Consul al Rio. earnestly request
" merchants and OF ships trading with the por
i of Brazil to be very cautious in having every artic
- shipped to any of The ports in the Brazilian Empl
inserted in the ships manifest; for, however the 6il
- Of fddtng may accurately show everything mporte
- yet if any goods be omitted from the manifest III
* omitted article is forfeited and the vessel in which
rtad 1iohIo Gna fho