Glasgow weekly times. (Glasgow, Mo.) 1848-1861, 1853-04-28
Fanny Fern to the French Empress.


The new Empress Of France had fifty
eight splendid wedding dresses made few
days previous to her marriage. Her pocket
hankerchiefs, 1t is said, cost two thousand
francs piece.
1t can't be possible, my dear woman, that
you sold all your bright charms for that silly
trash! 1t is my opinion that those "two
thousand franc" handkerchiefs will be pret-
ty well tear-stained, before you will have
done with them. You ambitious little
monkey, you played your cards to perfection;
like you for that, because I like to see any
thing Thoroughly done, if it be only courting;
but if you don't get tired to death of that old
rots, my name is not Fanny. He bears
about as much resemblance to his "uncle,''
as Tom Thumb does to Colusses of Rhodes.
He is an effeminate, weak-minded, vacila-
ting, contemplate apology for man; never
having done anything worthy ofthe name of
Napoleon, that l ever heard of. Keep him
under your thumb, you beautiful little witch,
or your pretty head may pay the forfeit;
who knows? 1t will not require much di-
plomacy, for you are the smarter of the two
unquestionably-but you had better look as
meek as Moses, and "keep dark" about
that. Don't let that managing mother Of
yours be poking her Spanish nose into
French State secrets. Give her a baby to
tend, and keep her quiet. Look as hand
some as YOU can. (Frenchmen adore beau
ty; differingin this respect from men in gen.
eral!) Keep on good terms with common
people, and don't iirt (if you can help it)
with the prime ministers. Ii you can get a
chance to think, and to improve your mind,
do so; but it don't matter much; YOU are SO
handsome you will be a ''card," any how
l wonder it, You hare true woman's heart
or, are you nothing but miserable little
butterfly oI a coquette? Do you like any
thing so well as your own pretty self? and
have you any resources in reserve, upon
which to fall back when your youth and
beauty shall have flown ?-Bess my soul
what stupid Americanism! l Ihumbly beg
your Highness' pardon-I forget that a
French woman never grows old or ugly.
Well, dance away, little Empress-but ]
tell you that you are dancing over volca-
no. would not be in your satin slippers
for bright sixpence. In the first place,
should despise such doll baby husband
In the next place, hate form, and state. and
etiquette. / should he as nervous as an eel
in "a frying-pan to have all those maids o
honor tagging at my heels. l know l should
be sure to laugh in the wrong place, and cry
when l felt like ii, spite Of dukes and duch
esses; and should be just as likely to tel
Napoleon to tie up my slipper, or pull hi.
mustache, if he said anything did hot like
No, French court would not tame my re
publican blood.
will give you permission, my dear, t.
drop me line, now and then, (when YOU
old gentleman is asleep, or closeted witt
some of his old parles vous,) and tell me i
you don't tire of all their French grandeur
and long to drop your regal robes, and slil
off incog.. to some dim old wood, where 20,
could lay your soft cheek to the cool grass
and hear only the little birds sing! M,
name is Fanny Fern, your Highness; what
ever further information you may require
yon can procure of almost any body in tn
United States-:tor they all knOw more abot
my affairs than / do myself.
FANNY Fern.