The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1853-08-26
From the N. Y. Musical World g. Times.
3a NEwsPAPER-DoM.
BY FANNY FERN.

r BY FANNY FERN.
1t is beyond my comprehension how
Methusaeh lived nine hundred and sixty
nine years without newspaper; or,
wha, the mischief Noah did, during that
"foriy days" shower, when he had ex
hausted the study of Natural History.
II makes me yawn to think Of ii. Or
what later generations did, the famished
half-hour before meals; or, when travel
ing, when the old slage-coach crept up
a steep hill, some dusty hot summer
noon. Shade of Franklin! how they
must have heen ennuyfd!
How did they ever know when -four
had "riz"-or wha, was the market price
Of pork, small tooth combs, cotton, wool
and mvlasses. How did they know
whether Queen Victoria had made her
brother an uncle or an aunt2 How
could they find out whether Fanny Fld.
dlestick was Naphali Wilkins sister?
What chrislianzed gonty old men and
snappish old ladies'? What kept the old
maids from making mince.lneat Of pretty
soung girls? What did love sick damsels
do for "sweet bits Of poetry" and "toucb-
ing continued sores?" Where did their
papas find solace when the coffee vas
muddy, the toast smoked and the beef
steak raw, or done to leather! What
did cab drivers do, while waiting for a
,ardy pa,ror9 What did draymen do,
when there was ga great calm" at the
dry goods store Of Go Ahead g. Co.?
Wha, screen did husbands Dodge behind.
when their wives asked them for money?
Some people define happiness 10 be
one thing, and some, another. | define
il to be room ''carpeled and furnished"
with Exchanges" with a place cleared
in the middle for two arm-cbairs; Cne for
clever editor, and one for yourself. |
say it is to take up those papers, one by
one, and laugh over the funny things and
skip the stupid ones,-to pdmre the in
genuity of would>be literary lights, who
pilfer one half their original (?) ideas
and steal tile remainder: ! say it is to
sAudder a thanksgiving that rou are not
in the marriage lis,, Ito try. for ,he hun
dred,h time, to solve the riddle; How
can each paper tina, passes through your
hands be ''lhe best and cheapest perio.
dical in the known world?"
| say it is to look round an editorial
sanclum, inwardly chuckling at the forlorn
appearance it makes without feminine
fugers to keep it tidy: TO see the looks
ing glass yelled with cobwebs: the dust
on the desk thick enough to write your
name in; the wash.bowl and towel mu.
latto color; the soap liqnified 10 Jelly
editors like soitsuapD; the table cover.
ed with a heterogeneous mass of manu-,
scripts, and paper folders, and waters,
and stamps, and blolting paper, and EN-
velopes, and tailors' bills, and letters
complimentary, belligerent and pacific
| say it is to hear the editor complain,
with q frown, of the heat and his head.
ache; to conceal smile while you sug
gest the probability Of relief il n window
should be opened; TO see him start at
your superior profundity; to hear him
say, with groau, how much ''proof' he
has to read, before he can leave for home:
to take off your gloves and help him
correct it;--to hear bin say, there is I
book for review, which he has not time
to look over; 20 take folder and cut he
leaves, and afix guide-boards fo1 notice
n, all The fine passages, to see him kfcE
over an innocent chair, because he can.
not get hold of the right word for an
editorial; to feel (while you help him tc
il) very much like the mouse who gnawed
The lion out of net, and then 10 take
up his paper some days after, aud find {
paragraph, endorsed by him, "deplotinE
the intellectual inFerority Of woman"
That's wha, call happiness!