New Orleans daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1851-1866, 1853-12-31
DAILY CRESCENT
Poor Relations.

A poor relation is-the most irrelevant thing |
in nature-a piece Of impertinent correspond !
ency-an odious approximations haunting
conscience-a preposterous shadow lengthening
in the noontide of your prosperity-an unwel.
come remembrancer-a perpetually recurring
mortifcation--a drain on your purse-a more
intolerable dun upon your pride--a drawback
upon success-a rebuke to your rising-a stain
in your blood blot on your escutcheon--a
rent in your garment-a deaths head at your
banquet-Agathocles' pot-a Mordecai in your
gate Lazarus at your door-a lion in your
path--a frog in your chamber--a fly in your
ointment-a mote in your eye-a triumph to
your enemy-an apology to your friends-the
one thing not needful-the hail in harvest-the
ounce Of sour in a pound Of sweet-theb bore
par erceiience. He is known by his knock.
Your heart telleth you s'That is Mr.. -"
A rap, between familiarity and respect; that
demands, and at the same time, seems to des-
pair of. entertainment. He entereth smiling,
and-embarrassed. He holdeth out his hand to
you to shake, and--draweth it back again. He
casually looketh in about dinner -time-when
the table is full. He offereth to go away, see
| ing you have company--but is induced to stay.
He filleth chair, and your visitors two chill
dren are accommodated with chair at a'side-
table. He never cometh upon open days, when
your wife says with some complacancy, "My
dear, perhaps Mr.. - will drop in to day ]"
|
he is fortunate to have stumbled upon one He
declareth against fish, the turbot being small
yet sufereth himself to be importuned into a
slice against his first resolution. He sticketh
by the port-yet will be prevailed upon to empty
the remainder glass of claret-if a stranger
press it upon him. He is puzzle to the SER
wants, who are fearful of being too obsequious,
or not civil enough to him. The guests think
"they have seen him BEFORE He calleth you
by our Christian name, to imply that his other
is the same with your own. He is too familiar
by half, yet you wish he had less diffidence
With half the familiarity, he might pass for a
casual dependent; with more boldness, he would
be in no danger of being taken for what he is.
He is too humble for friend, yet taketh on
him more state than BELTS a client He is q
worse guest than country tenant, inasmuch
as he bringeth up no rent-yet it's odds, from
his garb and demeanor, that your other guests
take him for one. He is asked to make one a,
the whist table; refuseth on the score of pov
, erty, and-resents being left out. When tn,
company break up, he pro6ereth to 20 for
. coach--and let's the servant go.
He recollects your grandfather; and vii
thrust in some mean, and quite unimportan
anecdote of-the family. He knew it when i
!. was not quite so flourishing as she is blest il
, seeing it now" He reviveth past situations, t
! institute what he calleth favorable comparisons
: q With rejecting sort of congratulation, he vii
Il inquire the price of your furniture; and insult
!. you with special commendation of your win
! dow-curtains. He is Of opinion that the urn
the more elegant shape, but, after all, there wa
something more comfortable. about the old tea
kettle-which you must remember He dar
: say you must find great convenience in havin
! a carriage of your own, and appealeth to you
: lady if it is not So There is a worse evil unde
e, the sun, and that is--a female poor relation
"a a You may do something with the other you ma
r. pass him off tolerably well; but your indiger
she-reative is hopeless. sc He is an old humol
H. ist,'' you may say, "and affects to go thread
: bare. His circumstances are better than foil
y would take them to be- You are fond of haviu
en- character at your table, and truly he
y oDe.' But in the indications of female povert
Of there can be no disguise. No woman dress,
ssi below herself from caprice. The truth must o,
{: without shuffiing. ''She is plainly related
N, the LIS; or what does she at their house
We She is, in all probability, your wife's cousil
Nine times out Of ten, at least this is the cas-
'a Her garb is something between gentlewoms
hs and beggar, yet the former evidently predon
: mates. She is most provoking humble, al
Is ostentatiously sensible to her inferiority I
ne may require to be repressed sometmes--ai
ne ne quando sub'aminandus erdt--but there is
I'd raising her. You send her soup at dinner, al
H, she begs to be helped after the gentlemen Nj
requests the honor of taking wine with he
ns she hesitates between port and Madeira, al
ier chooses the eformer--heoause she does. She ca
SE the servant SIR and insists on not troubli
r- him to hold her plate. The housekeeper patro
on ICES her, and the children's governess tax
mp upon herself to correct her when she has m
taken the piano for harpsichord.