Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1853-02-23

%portunities of her father to allow him to IN
stitute the suit and that on any evidence OF
ny reformation the proceedings should be
topped.
Her letter did arouse met made me re
iect, and l desired to reform; but | had lost
III confidence in myself and could not even
muster courage to make n resolve, much less
4 promise OF reformation, so powerless had !
become in the hands of my enemy. ] wrote
Ter q long letter in reply-the last | ever
wrote her-but | do not know what | said to
Ter, except that | renewed my protestations
+ loye, begged her forgiveness, told her /
'hould make no resistance to her suit for di-
torce, and babe her a final farewell. Itwrung
ny heart sorely to write that letter, but /
leemed it a duty. | did it in mercy to her,
md when it was finished and sent to her |
Ielt that / had performed one good deed and
,et no one can imagine the horrorthat dark
ened through my soul when | reflected that
| had then severed the only link that bound
ne to life, to honor, to humanity. Mingled
emotions overwhelmed me with despair. !
vas all alone upon the broad and desolate
,ea OF life, without afriend, without one SYM
nathizing heart. 1t is strange to ne | did
not commit suicide, but | never thought OF
t. My pain was too deep, too tremendous
'or me to think of a remedy for it. NV very
'oul q%uiyered with the intensity Of its an
5uish.
1 Immediately left that county and wan
Tered up here among the mountains, without
an aim or an object. | knew not why | came
ny s~)irit-pangs drove me, and | wandered
merely because [ could not help it. The stor-
M pillows had ceased to roll around me, but
/ was in the swift gliding current, borne on
ward knew not, cared not whittier. For
two years l occasionally worked a littIo in
the g0idmines, but 1 was seldom sober during
che time. | was taken sick, and lay for sew
eral weeks in q hopeless condition but [ at
length recovered and determined to reform,
" to try to do so, for / was not able to make
n firm resolve. | mi5trusted my ability tc
withstand temptation.
During my sickness | lay at the house O
one of my mining Associates poor man
and one who had often joined me in drunken
carousals. His daughter nursed me tender
ly, and when | recovered l made her an ofe
1f marriage and was accepted. We settlet
Town, or rather went to live in q little cabin
among the mines. For a month after IN,
: marriage | did not drink a drop Of arden
spirits but was led into temptation an
could not resist it. | dug some gold, but j
went to the dram shop and for eight years
: Turing which time three children were Dor
e unto US, we liyed-L know not how. by vii
procured something for her and the childre
/ to eat, and occasionally I would provide Il Ii
tie meat or meal, or something Of the kline
$ [ was seldom at home a whole day at a time
and lived on whatever | could get to eat
4 bout the grog shops and among my drinkin
r companions. Thus for twelve years | pu
sued an almost unbrokcn round Of dissip.
o ton.
But | will not weary you with details. O
c servation has no doubt taught you what
the life Of the poor inebriate-how degrade
how lost, how abandoned. Mine was but Il
common lot of that unhappy class. All Il
IS moral sonsibiiities were blunted, smothere
lost. True | had my moments Of rcdectio
but they only drove me into deeper potatiol
1t in order to drown them. None but the dru
d kard knows what the drunkard feels-ho
ID he longs to escape from the meshes in whi
in he is ~entangled, and how powerless he
to do 50, how incapable Of even making t
effort to DO 50.