Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1853-06-25
M 5atrifiee of l)rintipIrs.
hit an0 g it III o t .
How to Write a Splendifcreus Poem

Go kill the whole Camanche tribe,
Some day before you dine;
Pick out, to make your walking stick,
A California pine;
And then turn round and frown SO dark;
The sun won't Care to shine.
Go whip tun of grizzly bears,
With nothing but fan;
And prove yorself, by all these feats,
10 be Western man. .
And you can write poem grand
If anybody can.
From the Musical World and Times.
"Thore is no object in nature so beautiful
as conscientious young man.-Er,hange.
Well: I've seen the "Sea Dog" Thackeray;
and Tom Thumb, and Kossuth the "bearded
lady," and Father Matthew; the whstiing
Canary, and Camille Urso; the "white negro"
and Mrs. Stowe; "Chang and Eng" and
Jenny Lind, and Miss. Bremen, and Madame
Sontag. have been to the top Of the State
House, made the tour of the "P Garden"
and crossed the "Frog Pond" I've seen
Theodore Parker, and a locomotive. I've
ridden in the omnibus, heard a fourth -of.July
oration, and | once saw the sun rse but |
never never saw conscientious young man.
If there is such an Organization on the
periphery of the globe, | should like to see
him. Ifhe as, aOhere is he? Who owns him?
Where did they raise him? What does he
feed on? For whom does he vote On
what political platform does his conscientious
toes rset? Does he know the difference be-
tween a Wing and Democrat? between
"Hunker" and "Barnburner between a
"hard-shell' and 'soft-shello" ." between q
uniform national currency" and ''sound
constitutional currency ?" Does he have chills
or fever when he sees bonnet? Does he
look at it out of his eyes, like bashful barn
yarn bantam, or dare he look at all Does he
show the "whte feathe," or crow defiance
Does he go to roost at sundown, and does he
rest on an aristocratic perch? Pm all alive
to see the specimen My opera-glass is poi
sed Can't you give us portrait in the Mu
steal World and Times? Will he be at the
Worlds Fair? Might be permitted to shake
hands with HIM and congratulate him? /
pause for reply. FANNY FERN.
It's our opinion says cotemporary, that
if number of gentlemen are sitting together,
talking sensiby upon some sensible subject,
and lady enters they immediatly commence
talking .tooIishy, and keep it up until she
makes her exit.
Gg-Why don't they let him alone? The
Bachelors miseries are all positive enough
without such reminders as the following:
"An old bachelor is poor forsaken, un-
provided for creature. Noyoung vines sprout
at his roots, and no grapes are gathered from
its branches He tugs, tolls and sweats for
himself alone, and nobody else. He returns
at eve to his solitary abode, and no smiling
angel says: My dear, where have you staid
SO long" olisping children climb his knees,
and with cherub tones beseech dady for them
thugarkith eth.' He sleeps cold in winter
for want of "a comforter, and his summers are
ripe with false blossomes of hope. lie is
paying his addresses to soltray woe through
life, finally to be welded to the cold sods of the
valley. Poor miserable bachelor Happy
married man, with an angel for wife, and a
dozen of little cherubes." Sandusky Regis-
Ter s. -- -
The man who committed suicide by turn
ing himself wrong side out and cralling
through his boots, is not expected to live.
-IRIsH Wit--A party of gentlemen, Wis
iting the Dublin Exhibition last week, took
drive on the banks of the Lifey, to enjoy its
fine scenery. Pm glad TO see you on your
knees" was the observation, intended to be
somewhat facetious, of burly, bull! faced in
dividual, to labourer so employed in field
"Bedad," was the prompt reply, which elected
roar of laughter at the others expense,
that's where you should always be; for if
you took as much pains with your sowl as
you do with your body, you'd be happy
man." Correspondent Of Liverpool Mercury.
Shameful.
Hear what some rusty, crusty old bachelor
says of some ladies. What shall be done
with the incorrigible old sinner
"Dip the Atlantic Ocean dry with tea
spoons twist your heel into the loe Of your
boots, make post masters perform their prom
ises, and subscribers pay the printer-send
up fishing hooks and fish for stars. get astrde
of a gossamer and chase a comet; when the
rain is coming down like the cataract of Nj,
agara, remember where you left your umbrel-
la; cook mosquito with brckbat; in short,
prove all things hitherto considered impossi-
BILE, but never attempt to coax a woman to say
she ,0i2, when she has made up her mind she
a0on't fg4 lda hesl 9if
EB-A A lady who lost her husband, not long
since, by railway accident in England, sued
the railway company and recovered about
$4,000 damages, The damages were cal
culated on the basis of his professional income,
and the average length oflife, as demonstra-
ted bV life insurance tables tIrU rff
IS Eg-"NIrs. Hobbs, did you say that my wife
was poor house keeper?"
me, sir-butI did tell an immediate
friend that you had not had clean shirt on
for ten weeks. y
GS~It has been discovered that where
a lot of boarders are fed for some time on
sasuages exclusively, they begin to grow!I
STERN's Uncle Toby says that enc of the
tricks of women is, to pretend they have ac-
cidently got something in their eye, and inr
duce man to look for it; and he says man
lie c,,ra c,,,o ;f La l,,i,r e. "A