Daily evening star. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1852-1854, 1853-09-14
THE WEEKLY STAR
Written for the Star.
Letter from Ben, the Bachelor. about Rsb;ss

WASHINGTON, Aug. 81. 1858
Messrs. EDITORS Excuse the de,icsts 90,
tion, but were you ever annoyed by babies,
noisy, bawling, squalling babies? L suppose
you have been, for this annoyance. like catch.
ing the measles or falling in love happens 70
| all mortals at some time of their lives IL the
affection has visited you in q virulent type,
you may perhaps appreciate my case.
am tolerably good-n nRtured old bachelor:
ana never, so help Inc goodness, was gui. ty of
committing matrimony-that knoac of; and
yet IL appears to be my fate to be continually
sicuinlLed by other peoples babies. l have
nve or SIX relatives spending the vacation
with me. and each one has brought slong n
bundle OF babies; the consequence is, that nv
usually quiet dOmicil has been turned into n
BABEL OF confusion; my castle-sacred in the
eye OF the law-has been literally stormed by
this army of Lilliputians. Nothing, Lot even
the most sacred articles of furniture, have
escaped the vandalism Of these young barba-
rians. My rocking chair has been converted
into cradle and hobby horse-my sofa serves
the purpose of a playhouse. ard sometimes
riding car. in which they take their 4th of
July excursions from one corner To another:
and even my piano-my handsome, delicate
toned rosewood piano, has been beaten down
to kettle drum-mIiHs a half-dozen KEYS
But this is not ali my troubles end not with
the setting sun. There is scarcely an hour of
the night but what is made hdeous by the
shrill, sharp screeching whistle of these min
lature human steam engines, Miserable
man who shall deliver ME : There arc ha-
bies above me-babies below-babies TO the
right, and babies to the left /; and indeed am
under serious apprehension that | shall wake
up one of these mornings and find myself
great, big bawling baby, II guess some of
my married lady readers think [ am not far
from being one already Last night the sere-
made was particularly eycrueiating lima.
gine. if You can, a full huil-frog concert. from
pee-wee tenor, to eat-tat -rownk base-add
to this small dccoction of tin pans and kit
tle-drums, with an occasional dog-howl hy
way of interludc. and this followed bN a soft
accompaniment of mcsquitoe kiftieS. Imagine
this say. and you may form a faint cuncep
tion of The condition of my nervous system
Joking aside, my condition il becoming des-
perate. L have slept but two whole hours for
week past. Again l sav--miserable man
who shall deliver me from these tIibrlatiQns'
could bear without murmur the per leu
ton of mosquitoes. and all other unncntiona-
bic night prowlels. | can listen patiently TO
the bowling Of my neighbor dog while sere-
nading the moon-or the worse howling of a
bad singer serenading his lady y-love-these L
accept as the dispensatiOn OF Providence--but
6a6fss. crying babies-Other JpOple's babies,
-ugh F, the very idea is more oppressive than
hot night in summer, 1t is uuaccountGbIe
ills that flesh is heir to, should haye omitted
that important item of % bellies" To a ner-
vous man like myself, they are certainly the
quintessence of human misery in homeopathic
doses
And now may ask one or two simple ques-
tons for the good of myself in particular and
of humanity i'll general LIST. What right or
title have people to babies if they don make
them behave themselves and, -. Is it not
possible for people 10 visit their friends with
out bringing along the whole pack, Tray,
blanche, Sweetheart and all ," And now,
Messrs. Editors-kind, gontlemaniy, sympa-
timing. Messrs. Editors-can You not in your
wisdom editors are supposed 20 know every
thing devise some plan by which poor old
bachelor may be delivered from Affections
which he has done nothing to bring on him
self, and in which he is truly more 'sinned
against than sinnirg!n If it were not for
fear of being mobbed by the married ladies
of the community, / would hang a signboard
above my door with the following warning
against trespassers. II No DaME- ADMITTED
HERE, Yours, in sorrow.
bEN, THE BACHELOR
p. :. Please present my compliments to
that spicy. sparkling and spirited correspond
ent of yours. Mis-. PereSTTRa. She SAYS she's
an old tEtd-ditto-that is, L mean, / am an
old 6achei0r- | take peculiar interest in read
ing her lcttcrs-a - fellow feeling makes us
wondrous kind She is then truly an old
maid! happy Peregrina Her soaring muse
is not harnessed down to a british, good for
nothing husband. An old maid ? blessed Pc
regrina, She has 40 bales to trouble her
friends with; what delightful acquaintance;
what an agreeable visi.or size must be
BIB.