The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-05-10

The breakfast, however, did not
turn out to be the thing it had been
cracked up for. The toast was done
q little too much, and the tea wasn't
done quite enough; the siop-bowl was
at the wrong end of the tray, and there
were several crumbs OH the carpet.
THE servant hasn't been here this
morning. observed Mrs. S.
Servant! returned Solomon, 4 dis
charged her yesterday. You don't
think | can afford to keep o servant
and wife toon
The lady was again posed, and she
said nothing, but the day wore to it's
close before she could bring herself to
the belief that Mr.. Swallow had actu-
ally made use of the words Servant
and wife in the same sentence.
The next morning at six o'clock, Mr..
Swallow again informed his wife That
it was time to get up coupling the re-
marks with the suggestion that in flu
turc she must save him the trouble Of
reminding her of so necessary u duty.
Mr.. Swallow, however, benefited
nothing by this soft insinuation, for at
the moment she either was, or pre-
tended to be, fast locked in the arms
of Morpheus.
Don't you hear, Mrs. So" quoth
Solomon.
But alas! a slight consciousness was
the only response from Mrs. S.
Now this was Il ticklish point with
Solomon, but he was prepared for it.
"What saws my system on this
head?" said he to himself, musingly.
"lt says that Il lazy wife who lies
abed in the morning may be very
properly reminded of her duty by the
judicious application of coercion pin"
And this magnificent idea had scarce.
ly crossed the threshold Of his brain
pan, than he inserted the point of
II huge pin in the right arm of the
sleeper. AS might be expected, the
intended effect instantly followed
the cause, for the astonished Mrs.
Swallow sprung from tho bed rs
though she had been thrown from it
by an earthquake But alas! her agil-
ity was too strikingly manifested, for
she not only all but annililated poor
Solomon in rolling over him, but she
dashed his patent lever from the
nail which suspended it to the wall, and
broke the dial into thousand pieces.
"What dreadful Dream" ciacula,
ted Mrs. S., pressing her left hand on
her wounded arm.
"Wha, a dreadful reality" shouted
MIR. Swallow, contemplating the fra.
gilc ruins of his demolished timcpiecc.
Here we pass over the interval
between this occurrence, and the
time when the happy pair in question
we're seated at breakfast.
SNOW, Mrs. Swallow" said Solo
mon, ''secing that can't awaken to
call you up in the morning, or eat burn
ed toast, or drinl, raw tea, &C., it
is time | should begin to instruct YOU
in your duties"
':And what are those, Mr.. so
''Be silent, madam, ifyou please; not
to talk, but listen, is one of the most
important Of them"
''Procced SIR"
And Mr.. Swallow, looking dag
gers at her for the second interruption,
proceeded:
"From six till eight you are to
get up, dress quietly, SO as to create no
disturbance, light fire, air clothing aud
stockings, sweep rooms, prepare break
fast, and announce the perfection there
OF. Eight till ten, wash tea-thimgs,
make beds, rub furniture and clean
windows. Ten to twelve, go to mark
ct and prepare dinner. Twelve till
two to devote TO dishwashing, sweep
ing up and rubbing furniture. Two
to six, spinning, mending clothes, and
darning stockings. Seven, tea. From
that time till nine a second course of
mcnding and darning, and then 90 to
bed. And this daily course, madam,
with strict observance of the rules Of
civility, trugality, decorum and obedi-
ence, may in time, enable you to do
honor to the choice Of Mr.. Solo
mon Swallow"
Mrs. S. listened quietly to the
end; and then mildly inquired:
and do you really expect this of
me, Mr.. So"
"To be sure do" responded
her spouse.
"Ihen you'll be sadly disappointed,
for I'll do no such thing"
"No?"
"No."
I've way to make you"
"How!"
"spoon diet, locks, chains and cow
hide"
"Mr. Swallow!"
"What?'
YOU'RE a brutc!" and Mrs. S.
threw herself back, and looked dcspe.
rate.
Now this was a climax. Mr.. Swal.
low was called brute at his own
tircsidc, and by his own wife, which
was the worst of oil. lie, Solomon
Swallow, the celebrated founder Of n