Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1853-1862, 1853-10-16
i1aiIpI0lmion AmAleal
Mabel; Or, the First FalsehOOd.
AN INCIDENT OF MY CHILDHOOD.

"Mabel," said my aunt facing me sternly, and
speaking with solemn emphasis 'yOu are lowered
forever in my eyes! When Mr. Ellison comes, he
shall assuredly know Of this. Col" she added, with
gesture as if the sight of me intolerance: a
shall never have confidence in you again"
/ ran out of the room into the garden through
the side door, which always stood open in hot wealth
er; but my cousins were at play on the lawn; so
Hew on IN the bitterness of my wounded spirit un-
til found the shade and quiet | wanted under a
large hoary apple tree which stood in the neighbor-
ing orchard Cnder its spreading branches threw
| myself down.
| have vivid impression of the aspect and ''feel-
| ing of that summer afternoon. The heat was in
tense; even the ground on which | lay seemed to
! burn the bare arms crossed beneath my humbed
head. knew there was not cloud in the radiant
sky above me- / felt there was not breath of wind
stirring, not enough to rustic the thick leaves
! of the orchard trees. The garnish brilliancy the
sultry Stiffness oppressed me almost more than
could bear. If | could have hidden myself from
the sight of the sun, if could have cheated my own
| consciousness, [ would have gladly done so. | will
| not believe that the world held at that moment,
more wretched being than | was that any grown
up man or woman with developed faculties ever
| suffered more keenly from the pangs Of self con-
| tempt.
For, let me at once tell the reader, was no vic
which had been driven from the house were justi-
| fled by what had done / was fourteen years of
age, had been carefully and kindly educated none
! knew better than the differences between right
/ and wrong; vet in spite of age teaching, and the
| intelect's enghtment, had just been guilty of
| gross moral transgressOn: had been convicted of
a falsehood and. than that, it was not an i'm
pulsive be, escaping me in some exigeney. but de-
! hberae one, and calculated TO do another hurt.
| The whole house knew it-servants, cousins and
! ALL the coming guest was to know it too My
Shame was complete .'N hat shall do? what will
become of meg'. cried aloud. Il shall never be
| happy again.
it seemed 50 to me- / had lost my position in
the house where had been 50 favored and happy,
| | had compromised my character from that day
henceforward l. who had meant to DO such good in
the world had lost my chance; for that sin cnging
to my conscience, tie remembrance Of which 1
should read in everybody face aud altered manner,
would make effort impossible. My aunt had lost
all confidence in me-that was teTrible but what
was worse: had lost all confidence in myself |
saw myself mean, ungenerous q liar had no more
self respect When my cousins whispered togeth-
er about me, or the servants nodded and smiled sig
nifcantly Should have nothing to fail back upon.
Why, was what they thought me; l could not defy
their contempt but must take it as my due.
might gel angry. but who would mind my anger?
A thousand thoughts exasperated my anguish.
| was very fond of reading, and had liking for
heroic biographies Noble actions, fine principles,
always awoke passionate enthusiasm. in my mind,
caused strong throbS of ambition, and very often
my aunt had lent kind ear to the Outpouring of
such emotions The ease would be altered now. |
might read indeed, but such feelings must hence
forth keep to myself; who would have patience to
hear ME thus eXpatiate? was cut off from fellow
ship with the good.
must give up too, my little class at the village
Sunday school. which Lad been proud to
dertake How could l. despisel at home go among
the children rs before? | could never talk to them
as used to venture TO do. They would know it,
as all the world would know they would mock me
in their heartseach feeling she was better than l.
rose up from the grass for my state of mind would
bear the prone attitude longer, and leaning
against the tree looked around me. Oh. the merry
games | had had in this orchard. The recollection
brought food of bitter tears TO my eyes-l had
not cried before-f0r was sure that time was past;
| should never have another. "Neyer, nevcr. /
cried, wringing my hands: l shall never have the
heart to play again, even il they would play with
me- / am another girl now
In truth. my brief experience seemed to have
oldened me, TO have matured my faculties. / saw
myself in kind of vague. confused vision, as /
might have been. as l could never now become.
No life was an altered thing from what it had ap-
peared Yesterday; had marred its capabilities on
lIe tnTtSllOiU toulu SifN4iH- VI t4'C hVuoN
through the trees; | could see the parlor windows
where, within the shady room, tea was even now
being prepared for the expected visitor. All that
visiter with whom used to be favorlte who
had always been SO kind-he was now on his way
with the same heart towards NE, little knowing
what had happened, little thinking | was ruined.
Does this description of my state of mind, of my
sense of guilt seem overstrained! 1t is possible
give a little more conference to my reflections than
they had at the time, but | cannot color too highly
the anguish of humiliation they produced; II was
almost intoerable Il suppose, said moodily to
myself for reaction was commencing-'l suppose
| shan't always feel like this, or should go mad.
/ shall get used to ently-used to being mis-
erable' ..
Just then heard my name shouted BY one of
nv cousins but | had not the heart 10 shout in an
swer No doubt tea was ready but | wanted no
tea Mr.. Ellison might be come, but | dreaded 20
see HIM My cousin called, and ran on towards the
spot where l Stood till be caught sight Of me. He
was hot with the search, and angry that had not
answered; moreover, what boy of his age, in the
lustihood Of a dozen summers, knOweth aught of
tenderness or consideration? ''Thcre Won are miss"
said he savagclv 'and pretty hunt I've had!
You're to come into tea; and another time don't
rive better people the trouble of fetching you they
don't like it. can tell you"
He was off again. eager for his meal, but l stop
ped HIM Bob, is Mr.. Ellison Gomez | cried
up ever so long talking about you, | know; and
don't Bob me, if you please, Miss Mabel don't
like it, b.. g..
NV spirit swelled. Was this to be the way? One
touch Of boyish kindness. and could have almost
kissed his feet; now walked back to the house
with bitter. Il won't care" swelling at my heart.
may as well say here though scarcely necessary
to the moral of any story, that l was an adopted
child in the large family Of my annt-She was
widow. and had been ever since l had lived with
her: and l. as will be supposed, was an orphan She
had in her own right good income, though she
only held in trust for her eldest son the substantial
manor farm on which we resided was not poor;
indeed was in some sort an keiress; and Mr.. Eli
/ son. my aunts honOred friend and her husbands
executor, was joint guardian over me with herself.
! had been brought up to fear and reverence him;
! he had taught me to love him. My degradation in
| his ewes was the bitterest drop in my selfmixed
4 cup. -... ,
As | entered the hall, my aunt came out to meet
me. and took me with her into another room. Ma
! bel" she said, .yOu are TO take your place at the
table with US as usual for the present ! have spo-
/ ken to your guardian about you, but | scarcely
| know what We may finally decide upon in the mat
fer. You are to old to be whipped sent to bed;
lint though YOU are to be suffered to come amongst
,ls need not say we shall never feel for you
once did or if We seem to do so, it will be because
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