The Minnesota pioneer. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn. Territory) 1849-1855, 1853-08-18
Cousin Sally Billiard.
BY HAMILTON c. JONES.

|
! I'VE think it high ,iue that "Cousin Sally Dill
lard" captain Rice and s'Mose" were again
brought to the memory of the public. We have
read and laughed at the narration at least hundred
times; and should not fa TO enjoy it, il to fll
under our notice daily for year 10 comc.l
! ScEvE--A C>tpt o6 Jsstics IN NaM Carodaq.
! bcardIess disciple Of Themis rises, aud thus al-
dresses the court ''May it please yorr norshps,
and you gentlemcn OF the iury, 1t has been my
fortune (sood or bad, will not saw to exercise my
self in legal acquisitions it has never beiaen TO
/ be obliged to prosecute dretul, marked and
Ecious ASSAULT more wal, violent, dangerous
battery, and finally more diabolical breach Of peace
has seldom happened in civilized country, and /
dare say il has seldom been vour duty 10 pass upon
one shocking to benevolent feelings as this which
took place over dt Capt. Rce's IN this county. But
vnu viii hear from the witnesses.
! The witnesses being sworn, two three were
examined and deposeh-one said he heard the noise,
and did not the Gght-another that lie seea the
row, tu, d,dn't know who struck fr$t-and third
that he very dfunk aud coulda't say much about
! The skrimmage.
Lawyer Chops.--f am very sorry, gentlemen, 70
have occupied vour time with the sturiiity Of the
witnesses EXAMINED 1t arises. gentlemen, altogether
, from msapprehenson my part. Had known. as
| now do, that had witness In attendance, who
was well acquainted with the circumstance OF The
Case and who able 10 make himself clearly un-
ieraiood by the court ana jury, should not SO long
have trcspaSsed upon your time ana patience. Come
! forward, Mr.. Harris and be swora.
! So forward comes the witness, at chufv old
mar, ''leete'' corned, aAd took his oath wi,A un
aT
Chops.-Haris, we wish YOU 70 tell all about the
rio that happened he othef da. at Captain Rices,
and good deal of tine ha. already been sted
! In I,ls sh I, he
i,nc at the tine eXp plicit possible.
/ Hauris-Edzactlv. (9iving the lawyer KNOWN
wink: at the tinio clearing his lroat,> Captain
Rice. he gin a treat, and cousin Sail, Diiiard she
came to house and aXed me it my wife, she
Douln't 90. | told Cousia Sally Diilard that my
wife was poorly being as how she had the rhcumat-
cs IN the hip, and the big swamp the road
and the bag swamp up, tOr there had been heap
ot RAIN lately, but howsonever it she. consin
Saly Dii,a,d, my wife she moueht 90. Well, cuosin
: ali, Diilard thea asked Il Nose he noutrt 80.
/ .oid cous in Sally Diaid that he the !oremaa
o. the crap, and the crap sInany in the grass
bat howsomeyer, as il was She cous;n Sally Di'ard
Nose he 20
Chops-lu the name Of common sense. Mr. Harris
what do YOU mean hv this ri.maroo!
! Wtness--Capt. Rice he gin 4 treat, and cousin
Sally billiard she come to our house and axed
me # my wife she rnoutn'i 90. told cousin Sally
Dard-
/ Chops-Stop cir, if you please; don't want to
hear any thin. about your cousin Sally Diliard and
your we--,olI us about the fight at K,ce's.
Witncss-Nell, viii sir, that is if you viii let
me.
Chops.--Wei ell sir; 20 on.
Witness--WeII, Capt Rice be gin treat, add
cousin Sally Diiiard she Come 20 ous house, and
axed if my wife she mou,n't 90
Chops--Tbese it IS again; witness, please to stop
! Witm ss--Well, sir what do you wanii
Chops-We want to know about The fight, and
,oa must not proceed in this npcr'incnt story DO
you know ANYTHING about the matter before the
court!
Witness--To be sure do.
Chops-"ell, you so OH and tell it, ard nothing
else.
Witncss-We Capt. Rice he gin a treat
Chops-This is ntoierahlc. May il please the
court. move that this witness be committed for n
contempt: he to be ,rths with the court.
J Comt--W tness, yon are now before 2 court o
iistce and unless you behaTe ,omseIf in more be
coming manner. YOU VIII he sent to jail; begin aud
tell what YOU know about the fight at Capt Rico's-
Wtness. (aIarmed) )-Wel gentlemen, Capt Rice
he gin treat, AID cousin Sally Diilacd--
ChopsI hope ,his w,ness may be ordered into
custody.
Court, faher delibera,iag, MIR Attorney, the
court is Of the opinian that we may save tme by
telling the witness to GO on IN his orn way. Pro-
ceed Mr. Harris, with your story, oui silch 10 inc
point.
Wi;ness.--Yes gentlemen; WE'LL Cap: Rice he
gin treat, and cousin Sally co me over 10 our house;
ana axed me If nv wife she mought 60 told cousin
Sally Diilard that my wife she poorly, being as
how che had the rheuma,ics 10 The hip, and the big
swamp was up; but howsomever, az il vas she,
consin Sally Dlard, she mooght 60. Well cousin
Sally Diilard then axed me ii Nose re mount 60.
told cousin Sally Dillnrd as how Nose, ne was the
foreman of the crap and the crap s,narty IN the
grass. but howsomever, as ii was she cousin Sally
Dii,sd, Mose he moUi 60 So they goes on together
Nose, my wife, and cousin Sally billiard, ard thty
conc to the big swamp and it was up, as was tell
ing YOU; bat beng how there was log across
the big swamp, cousin Sally Diilard and Nose, Ike
geneel folks, they walked the log but ny wife, Ike
a darned fool hoisted her coats and wadeG through
and ttot's all knom abo,a ,h> fgm.