The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1853-05-10

that he only looked aghast: but when
he came to himself he saw that some
thing must be done at once, or the
field was lost forever.
You called me brute, Mrs. S."
81 did, Mr.. s."
GA brutc?"
GA brutc!"
Mrs. 81
Gas you like, sir"
"And Mr.. S. did go mad, but he
had q method in his madness, for
he seized the cheapest article of deifthat
was on the table IAN old plate with
crack in it) and dashed it into thou
sand pieces on the hearth, rs if he was
in tremendous passion.
"IIow do you like that. Mrs. Swal-
lowe"
VASTLY, Mr.. S., try it again?"
And again he did try it, (for he had
became desperately and demolished
the cream;jug.
SNOW" said the lady, "it is my
turn;" and jumping up she sent the
slop bowl to keep company with
its tea table companions.
This was, Of course, too much for
Solomon; it snapped asunder the last
remaining cord Of the little reason he
had left, and he slapped his helpmatc
we use the word in its most posi-
tive sense-on her right check; but
scarcely had the echo ofthe blow melt
ed into silence, ere the indignant dame
seized the tea pot, and shivered it
into atoms against the head of the
devoted Mr.. Swallow. Nor was this
all, for as he was rolling heels ov
er head from the effect of the awful col
lision, she piled the remainder of the
tca-traps until there was scarcely a
bone in his body, which had not
echoed to the shock Of cups and sauc.
ers, and rounds of buttercd toast.
Unable to carry on the war any
longer for that day, Solomon gathered
himsclfup as well as he could, and.
vowing Yengence, he stuck his pipe in
to his mouth, his hands into his pock.
cts, and then commenced whstling a
Jig to the tune the old COW died Of
looking as if he could bite piece off
the griddle without setting his teeth on
edge. His good lady, too, being de-
termined to follow the example of her
lord and master in other matters be-
side the dclfbrcaking, placed anoth-
CT chair back to back with Solomou's.
and after providing herself with a nov
el, sat herself down and begun reading
away, as if there were no such things
as beds to make, or stockings to mend,
in all Christcndom.
Here this aflcctionate couple-sat for
six mortal hours, each bent upon sit
ting the other down, and ruminatipe
the while upon their relative POSITIONS.
But it must be confessed that Mrs.
5. had the best of tho bargain, TOR in
dependent of Solomon's manel,d
head, and parboilcd neck and should
crs, he saw as plain as mod that the
watchdIal and the crockcry must be
replaced; SO that the reducing of
the first chapter in his voluminous sys.
tenn to practice must be attended
the case | might as well as well
be hung for sheep as lamb, thought
nc, and with that he rose from his
chair, stole softly from the room, and
turned the key upon the gentle Mrs. 5.
The turning of the key made her
aware OF his intention. when she rush.
cd to the door, but it WAS too late.
open the door this instant, Mr.
Swallow"
mot until | have keyt yon here
seven days upon bread a.d water" re.
turned the victorious Solomon, as he
Welt his way rejoicing.
But, alas! how tleeting is human
greatness-in about hall IN hour he
returned to see how matters were 90.
ing, but scarcely put his eve to the
Key hole when he began roaring like
a bull, for Mrs. Swallow had torn ev-
cry one of his fine linen shirts (that
on his back excepted) into pieces, to
make rope to let her self down from
the window; nor was all, for upon fur
ther examination, he discovered that
she had also thrown a variety of
chair cushions, bed linen, etc., into
the dirty yard, to make her descent safe.
ON, chop-tallen Solomon Swallow!
The archives of the Swallows are
silent as to the remaining occurrences
OF this cventfnl day, but on the verv
next morning, about seven o'clock, Mr..
Swallow popped his head from un-
der the blanket, and said, "Mrs. Swal-
low, dear, isn't time to get up?"
YES" returned the lady, "and you
may call me when you have lit the
fire, and put Oh the kettle"
Poor Solomon! There was no al
Tentative. So he sat about his work with
an alacrity which showed That he had
the terror ola broken head and demol-
ished body linen running strongly in
his memory. In short, Solomon was
u conquered man. That day he had
to prepare breakfast, sweep the
room, etc. The next, his assistance was
required in the rubbing of the furni-