Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1853-01-13

Gp- An Irish gentleman, being repeated
" solicited by wine merchant to give him
the benefit of his custom, wrote to him to
the following effect ,eMy dear sir, am
not rich enough to pay for wine myself, but
shall be very happy to serve you in another
way II you will send me list Of your
customers, | will see what l can do,to cul
tivate their acquaintance"
M My dear, come and 20 to bed, said
the wife Of jolly son of Erin, who had Just
returned in decidedly how came you SO
state. You must be dreadfully tired sure,
with your long walk of six miles .Arrah,
get away with yeur nonsense said Pat; lit
wasn't the length of the way at all that ia
tigued me, twas the breadth Of it.
10 A celebrated barrister one day ex.
amining witness who foiled all his at.
tempts at ridicule by her ready and shrewd
answers, atlast exclaimed
There is brass enough in your head,
madame, TO make a FIVE pail kettle
And sap enough in yours sir, to fill it.,
quickly retorted the witness. g
M The Orleanean says that there is a
sign in that city which reads thus
Hero my wife queers~a goose, and ~
queries the ganders
Which being Interpreted, means that
Hero my wifs cures the agues, and i
cure the jaundice
~ Among the musical performances an
nounced in the programme Of recent fes
tival of the Mormon Saints at Nanvoo was
. SOLO on a bass draps ieith a rioiiQ accompa-
niMsat What must be the State of TIE
divine art among the mormons We leave our
readers to guess, .,
III A man that has nothing to do, gen
orally does wrong If you would keep out
Of deyiltry, therefore, have as little to do
with idleness as possible Give boy a
holiday. aud in less than an hour a~brindle
dog will have him by the corduroys fer
Eobbing an applc orchard.
- One Of the LATEST men in the coun.
try, resides in Iowa As a sample of his
inertia, We would mention that the only
reason he don't get married is because he is
too lazy to stand up" Whenever be feels
like gaping, he employs. little boy to pull
his mouth open
M Hops is the last thing that dies in
man; and, though it be exceeding deceitful
yet it is Of this good use to us, that while
We are travelling through this life it con.
duets us through an easier and more pleas
antpath to our journeys end
M -Four hundred years have elapsed
since tho invention Of printing, yet books
are mot in circulation all over the globe
while the uso Of tobacco became universal
witAin Hfty years of its discovery
10 Spatch says pair Of shutters re-
minds him very much Of matrmonv. be.
cause they very often cxtinguish the flames /
they intended to brighten
NJ It y as disagreeable to prodigal to
keep an account Of his expenses, as il is to
. sinner to examine his conscience the I
deeper they search, Tie worse they find |
themselves.
M We wish, says The Savannah News, |
that the Postmaster General would appoint |
. few females in Georgia, They never tel.
crate Irregularities in the males.
No When Jemima went to school she /
was asked why the noun bachelor was sin /
gular. Because. she innoceutly replied, l
: its 50 singular they don't get married z
~ An advertisement in q newspaper is
like circle Of extraordinarily spread I
isg Itself Throw your I. rocks in, and try
- AeuAtuu arc dCtudted Dy TWO great
ideas. One is, how they can earn a living
and the other is, how they can earn living
without work.
II Tho epitaphs Of most men might
read-He was born; he toiled and~worried
for food, clothing, and equipage be sought
the phantom happiness he died.
~ There Is not a descendant Of any A.
cur 6rst class great mea from washineton
dsRn 70 Webster, possessing talent Or sen;-
ns worthy Of note Curious, very
~ The following words, if spell. back
yards or forwards. are the same; = Name
10 emo man. 4
NJ Why Is money expended for the
Frea Press like the city Of Philadelphia -
Because i . iosH laid cEf,
~ Marrying f6r home Is most tire
'sps vsy q getting living
MARsrAoE -TWs mods and Gve dollar
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