The Belmont chronicle, and farmers, mechanics and manufacturers advocate. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1848-1855, 1853-10-07

Are you not aware that TINS IS great couf
try, that New Jersey is great State, a Ne,
Jersey Legislature :he tallest kind out of Jail (!
The Doctor confessed that he was aware O
some Of these points, but dark as to others
{ he had some conception of how the Ichthyc
saurus,-a big animal with q hard name
0 known to geologists, which had the Who'll
world to itself, few millions of years befor
' Adam,-how the IchthyosaarHs looked, whei
he was about, but Jersey Legislation was al
, animal which he had looked at on all sides
but could not understand. Whereupon tn,
Capt. took the Doctor good-humoredy by tn,
arm, and led him into retired place, wher,
lighted candle shonc upon the honest coun
tenunce of bottle of real champagne-madt
in Newark, but labeled France"
Over this bottle the Captain proceeded tt
give the Doctor an idea of Jersey legislation
If you could have seen the fine Roman fea
lures of the Doctor, and the good-humored
face of the Captain, little ruddy, and topped
by hair that was partly gray, you would have
much enjoyed the startling narrative which
fell from his lips.
"Abany is great place." SO the Captain
began; "Harrsburgh is another great place
Legislators can be had there in great guam
titles and at reasonable prices, but Trenton
is the place"
"Expound' said the Doctor. Upon which
the Captain illustrated his text by the fol-
lowing narrative:
"One winter there came to Trenton, two
men named Smith and Jones, who had both
of them designs upon the Legislature. Jones
had bad wife, and was in love with pretty
woman-he wished to be divorced from the
bad wife, SO that he might marry the pretty
woman. who, by the by was widow, with
black eyes and such bust! Therefore Jones
came to Trenton for divorce. Smith had a
good wife, plump as robinsgood as an an
gel, and the mother of ten children, and Smith
did not want divorce, but did want to get
charter for turnpike, plank road to extend
from Pigs Run to Terrapin Hollow. Well,
they with these different errands, came to
Trenton and addressed the assembled wisdom
with the usual arguments. lst: suppers,
mainly composed of oysters, with rich back
ground of steak and venson, I'd: liquors in
great plenty from "Jersey lightning, (Which
is kind of locomotive at full speed, redaced
to liquid shape-to Newark champagne. To
speak in plain prose Jones the divorce man,
gave champagne supper, and Smith, the
turnpike man, followed with champagne
breakfast. Under the modifying influence of
which, the assembled wisdom passed both the
divorce and turnpike bills, and Jones and
Smith--a copy of each bill on parchment in
their pockets--went rejoicing home, over
miles of sand, and through the tribulation OF
many stage coaches. Smith arrived at home
in the evening, and as he sat down in his par.
lor, his pretty wife beside him-how pretty
she did look! and five of her children asleep
overhead, the other five studying their school
lessons in corner of the room, Smith was
induced to expatiate upon the good result OF
his mission to Trenton.
"a turnpike, my dear. am one of the
directors and will be President; it will set us
up love, we can send the children to boarding
school and live in style, out Of the toll. Here
is the charter, honey"
"Let US see it," said the pretty wife, who
was one of the incest wives, with plumpness
and goodness dimpling all over her face, "lel
me see it," and she leaned over Smiths
shoulder, passing her arm upon his own, az
she looked at the parchment. But all at once
Smiths visage grew long. Smiths wife's
visage grew black. Smith was not profane
but now he ripped out an oath: "D-n it
wife, these internal scoundrels at Trenton hare
oCq,e and dipoeccd u.s."
1t was too true, the parchment which he
held was bill Of divorce, in which the name
of Smiths wife appeared in frightiully legble
letters. Mrs. Smith wiped her eye with the
corner of her apron. "Here's u turnpike!
she said sadly. "and with the whole ten o
our children staring me in tho face, l aim
your wifei Here's the turnpike"
"D-n the pike, and the legislature, ant
-" Well, the fact is that Smith, re
duced to single blessedness, and "enacted'
into stranger to his own wife, swore awful
ly. Although the night was dark, and mos
of the denizens of Smiths village had gon
to bed Smith bid his late wife put on he
bonnet, and arm in arm they proceeded to tn
house of the clergyman of their church."
"What is the matter!" exclaimed tn
clergyman, evidently surprised at this lat
visit.
"The matter is, want you to marry u
Two TlBUt Ou!
"Marry you'll" calculated the clergyman
with expanded fingers and awful eyes "ar
you drunk or crazy"
81 amt crazy, and I wish l ,0as drunk,
said Smith desperately; The fact is, brothe
Goodwin, that some scoundrels at Trentot
unbeknown to me, and at dead Of night, hav
gone and divorced me from my wife, she
the mother of-nine children"
"Ten," suggested Mrs. Smith, who wa
: crying, "Here's turnpike!"
"Well, the good minister seeing the stat
of the case, (the Trenton parchment was dul
grOduced from the pocket of the lugubriou
Smith,) married them over straightway, an
would not take fee; the fact is. grave as h
: was he was dying to be alone; so that he coul
Z give vent to suppressed laugh, which wa
shaking him all over& Smith g. Smiths vii
y went joyfully home, and kissed every one {
i their ten children. The little Smiths new,
D knew that their father and mother had bee
s made strangers to each other by legislati,
O enactment.