Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1853-10-13
VARIETY.

SCENE IN a. NEWSPAPER 0FFIcK-Advsr.
tiser--I have pig that strayed away what
will Ysu charge t. but him in the paper ?
Glsfk-Haye you the advertisement writ
ten cut, sir
Advertiser but I kin tell you all
ahoutit! What do ysu charge
Clerk-Its vii depend en- the size, or the
number oflines
AsYettiser-Is it tho size Well, then,
Jimmy Smith paid but a quarter 10 put his
horse in, AID surely pig is no. go big as a
horse.
IRIsn WIr-Capt+ West, Of tho steamer
Atlantic, has quite a character on beard his
ship, in the person of pat - On the
last voyage, the following lcollOquy. tsok
place
which way dses she head, Pat
West, southwest, half west, a little west,
srlg,,
iIfysu will improve On that, I'll erder
bottle Of Niao for yeu'
sBedad, Ill do it, west southwest, half
vest, little westerly, Captain West
The captain Immediately ordered up a
tumbler and cOrk-screw.
nFTablc.talk, or knocking, sometimes
leads to embarrassing results, as proved by
tho following gossip, current at Berlin: A
party met the other night, and formed chain,
and when the "fuid Twas in movement, a
question. slow many children have H.
Tab, tab, tab, tab, "-er four, replied the Ia
BE, True; wonderful !" exclaimed the lady
and all others, Presently, her husband came
in and asked the same question stab,
tabor two, was the answer The effect
Produced by this may be better conserved
than described. This migbtb termed "scan-
dalous table talk"
RrAn Irishnan, who was near sighted,
and about TO fight duel, insisted that he
Should stand six paoes nearer TO his ahtago-
mist than the latter did to bin, and that
theY we're beth to Ere at the ssme time-
This beats Sheridan's telling fat man who
WIS going to fight thin one, that the lat
tsr,s slim figure ought to be chalked on the
eaher's portly person, and if~rtho bulletIhit
him outside Of the line. it was to go for moth
isg.
N9-As enc 81 oar deputy Sheriffs, . day
OF two since, wss speaking of taking man
to Lenox, he observed be had much rather
have taken LADY.
What take lady to jail remarked
ehe Of the company.
s's0h, ne, net to jail said he
:sBut,, a lady4quickly rejoined, 'ysa would
have been glad to have taken enc to court.'
Ez+A farmer in he northern part Of Scot
land, some years sgo. when turHip culture
va beginning to creep into the country, SOW
z Cd eageridgs for the use Of the public
! aud put up label with this inscription
a.Ysu are requested to steal ous,of this
spot
Es-sMy dear fellow, said Beau Hickman,
ts q waiter At hotel; 4 have respect for
sfiies--indeed, may say l am fond Of flies,
bat 1 like to have them aud my milk in sep
crate glasses; you can mix so much better
when you have esntroliof both the ingredi.
eats
An exchange paper says that seeie.
" Is about being formed in Boston, called
the rMarried Woman's Protective Society D
The principaf feature Of this organization
isa Plan TO keep husbands straight while
their wives are spending September out Of
tewn.
ErWhy are tell tale wsmaa like German
watches
Because they are 'repeassrs.,
1. The youth who sent US this has been Civ
ea up By his physician I. produced rush
Of blood to is.head, which tArsstened 10 b
fatal,
HsrA lady who had refused to give after
hearing charity sermon, had her pocket
picksaas she was leaving the church On
naking the discovery, she said
'Gsd csnld not iiad the way into my peck
Ut, butt seems the devil did
~ Miss Lucy Stsne is lscturinz on
! Wemens Rights in New York The edi.
!, ter Of the Mirror thinkvshe might Be bet
ter employed, and adds
I .Gp rockthe cradle. Lucy,
K-tTis strange, uttered young man
IS u staggered home from . supper par.
~; kswleYil standardization corrupt good
manners I've been surrounded BY tumb.
lers al the evening, and nov Tn tumb-
Ter mysslfa ~
- The Scothnan,s definition Of meta
physics was, When ys dinna ken what .
man means, and when be dinna ken what
b maaEs himself that's metaphysical
u A gentlsman purchasing ducks in
Washington city market, laid e5 bill on
bis basket, when J hungry duck snapped at
sud skallowed.it, TO the merrimsat Of the
'byssandeys.
NJ There IS man down eask rather 4
facgfipus chap, whose namo i New. He
named bis FIRST child Something il was
SSnIstllnk New His nsxt child mas call
% NosAipg i being Nothing New
- Mother sid Spartan boy, going
ao haltfe, i.ny sword is too shsrt Add
ltsp i Vas tho reply Of the hsEsio
Woihan
THAT'S the differences between . man
spirits, s1d good spirits 10 man
leone u drunk end No ether 80
. 81 Felt a has cone back