Thibodaux minerva. [volume] (Thibodaux, La.) 18??-1858, 1853-08-06
Fern Leaves.

Fern Leaves.
Mrs. GRUMBLE's sSoLL1LooUy-Undert thi.
caption the New York Musical World of the
9Th inst, publishes the following, from the
pen of Fanny Fern" That it is a true
picture of clearinghouse life no one will
have the audacity to deny; but oh, Fanny
for the sake Of your sex, you shopld be
the last thus unbushingIy to expose ,heil
foibles!
"There's no calculating the difference be-
tween men and women boarders. Here's
Mr. Jones, been in my house these sis
months, and no more trouble to me than my
grey kitten fhis bed is shook up once a
week, and his coats, cravats love-letters
cigars and patent-ea1her boots left undis.
turbed in the middle of the floor, he is as
contended as pedagogue in vacation time
.Take woman to board, and Gt it Is
perfectly conveniently she would like drapery
instead of drop-curtains: she'd like the win
dows altered to open at the top and ward
robe for founcel dresses, and few more
nails and another shelf in her closet and a
| cricket to put her feet on, and little rock
ing-chair, and big looking glass, and pea
green shade for her gas-burner.
'She would like breakfast about ten
minutes later than your usual hour; lea
ten minutes earlier. and the gong, which
shocks her nerves so, altogether dispensed
with.
s:She can't drink coffee, because it is ex.
hilaraling; broma is too insipid and choca'
late too heavy. She don't fancy cocoa
English breakfast" tea is the only beverage
which agrees with her delicate spinster or.
ganization.
"She can't digest roast or fried dish
she might possibly peck at all egg, ifit were
boiled with one eye OF the watch. Pastry
she never eats, unless she knows from what
dairy the butter came, which enters into its
composition. Every article of food prepared
with butter. salt, paper, mustard, vinegar
and oil or bread that is made with yeast
soda, milk Or salerafus, she decidedly re.
jects. .,.
"She is constantly washing out little duds
of laces, collars, handkerchiefs, chemisettes
and stockings, which she festoons up to the
front-windows. to dry; giving passers-by the
impression that your house is occupied by a
blanchiseuse then jerks the bell-wire fo.
an hour or more, for relays of hot smoothing,
irons to put the finishing stroke to hel
operations.
".She is often afflicted with interesting
little colds and infuenzas, requiring the i'm
mediate consolation of hot lemonade OF
ginger tea; choosing her time for these com
plants when the kitchen fire has gone oul
and servants are on furlough. Oh! nobody
knows, but those who've tried, how I'm.
mensely troublesome women erea I'd rather
have whole regiment of men boarders
All you have to do is. to wind them up in
the morning, with powerful cup of coffee
give them carte blanche to smoke, and night.
key, and your work is DONE"
MusINGs-I never was on an August
school committee, but if was, I'd make a
sine q.ta-aaon that no school marm. who had
not been a married mother, should be in
augurated as teacher; don't believe in
old maids. They all know very well they
havn't fulfilled their female destiny, and
would have them wreaking their bilious
yengence on my urchins, (if had ANY, Nc
woman gets the acid efectnalIy out Of heI
temper, till she has taken matrimony "the
natural way"
Now I don't believe in spinster educational
teaching any more than do in putting dried
up old bachelors on the school committee
What bowels of mercies have either, I'd like
to know, for the poor little restless victims
of narrow benches and short recesses? The
children are to ahold up their hands" fare
they 2 if they have request to make
What good does that do, if the teacher won,
take any notice of the Free Mason sign
They are not to enter complaints Sc
some poor little girl must be pinched black
and blue by little Napoleon in jacket and
trowsers, till she is forced to shrek out with
pain, when she is punished being kept hall
an hour after school for st making distur.
bancew They are "not to eat in school u
arethey? Perhaps they are poor, and have
had an Indifferent breakfast; tperhaps they
are poor and have had none at all, and A. B
C. D. doesn't digest well on an empty
stomach, but the spinster teacher can heal
her recite with tempting bunch of grapes
in her hand, which she leisureIy deyours be
fore their longing eyes.
They must not smile in schooln mus
theyq Not when Tom Hood" in pima
fore, cuts up some sly prank that bring,
g down the house, yes-and the ferule too
on eyerybody's hand but his own; flor he
has way Of drawing on his deacon face
10 order.)
They may go out in recess, but they mus
speak in a whisper, as if they all had thu
bronchitis! No matter if Queen Vicloris
should ride by, no little brimless hat mus
go up in the ar till "the committee had Sc
on it!'' . tszs
oh fudge! should like to keep schoo
myself. I'd dmake arag babies" for the little
girls and asoldier caps" for the boys; ant
/ don't think would make a rule that theJ
shouldn't sneeze till school was dismissed
and when their little cheeks began TO flush
and their little heads droop YEARLY on thei
plump shoulders, I'd hop up and play, shun
the slipper or if we were in the country
we'd race over the meadow, and catch but
teraies, or frogs, or toads, or snakes, or any
thing on earth except School Commit
teen .zz.# z.z
~ aThe candies you sold me last wer,
very bad" said suett, TO ,allow chandler
"lndeed, sir, I'm sorry for that" said thu