Muscatine journal. [volume] (Bloomington, Iowa) 1849-185?, 1853-09-09
HHMnr0uS,

- A Miss Story was recently married
in Covington to Mr.. Short. This is a very
pleasant way to make s'story short"
- AWKWARD DANcE-Forward two
and hit your partner in the bread. basket
dos a-dos-turn to the right, and kick your
partner on the shins; shasseh all, prone
made to the left, and accidently knock down
two attendants carrying refreshments.
"A Dutchman related misfortune
which befel his son in the following man
ner ''Poor Hans he bit himself NIT a
rattlesnake, and Sash sick into his ped for
six weeks in the month IF August-and his
cry was water water and he couldn't eat
nothing till he could stand up on his elbow
ana eat little tea.'
- BAD SPELLING.-A gentleman wrote
DIR. Francis the following note;
"Dear Doctor caught cold yesterday,
and have got little horse. Please write
what shall do for them. J.P-."
We annex the answer:
"Dear P.-For the cold take half pound
Of butter candy. For the little horse, buy
saddle and bride, and ride him out of
town the first time we have pleasant wealth
err. Yours, DR.. f.
- In a country town 'Down East" a
Demo cratic newspaper was started, depen-
ding mainly for its support on the con-
tributions of the "faithful" in that region.
Its motto was:
"Be just, and fear not. ''-Shdkspeare.
An old farmer who had been quite active
in promoting the interests of this newspa-
and commenced reading it with lauditory
~ Aa ho wood fho HE
flushed with honest enthusiasm, and he ex-
claimed
HFear not Shakspeare-no, that we won't
nor any other darned old federaHst!"
"A STREET SCENE. A gentleman
pushing down street in hot haste a ragged
urchin running after him. s'Mithter! NTH
ter l thay, mlthter !" care you calling me
boy ?'' "Yeth, thir, l thowow what a
hurry you it'll in!'' swell, speak quick
what do you want pve no time to spare.''
'sIth you going down threet ?" s'To be
sure, you little dunce--what do you want %
"Why, mother thent me out to hunt our
old thpeckled hen, and if you thee her
with you d catch her for me, Goth 1 m tired
looking for her."
- When Mr.. Greedy and his coadjutors
talk about the Wing party being dead, we
are reminded of the following story:
Billy P was making journey in a
stage coach, over the hilly roads of New
Hampshire, and amused himself on the way
by frequent resorts to the comforts of q
mysterious black bottle which he had with
him. Suddenly the coach came in contact
with a large stone, which, without doing
any other damage, deprived Billy of his
equilibrium and so down he rolled upon
the stony ground. "Wot'n thunder yer
doin ?' said Bill chow came yer to tip
over ?'' The driver informed him that the
stage had not been overturned, and the
passengers assured Billy that Jehu was
right. Billy approached the vehicle again.
and remounted to his former seat outside
"Didn't upset, d'you say % ssNot all" re.
piled the driver. swell, if I'D know
that said Billy, 81 would not ha' got off!
Jarvie has had an interview with q dry
goods clerk, whose pent-up "feelinks" hi
has endeayored to relieve by portraying
what fabric dealers have to suffer from their
customers:
She stood beside the counter
The day he'll ne'e forget,
She thought the muslin dearer,
Than any she'd seen yet:
He watoh'd her playful fingers
The silks and satins toss,
The clerk looked quite uneasy,
And nodded at the boss.
"Show me some velvet ribbon,
Baregc and satin turc."
She SAID, 81 want to purchase 20
Then gave the goods jerk:
The clerk was all obedience,
He travelled Son his shape,"
At length with hesitation,
SIZE BoreHr YARD OF rArE!