The mountain sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1844-1853, 1853-06-02
THE RIVAL DOCTORS.
A FRAGMENT.

F., One Roger Swizzle, roistering, red-faced
round about apothecary, who had somewhat i'm
pared his constitution by his jolly performan
ces while walking the hospitals in London, had
settled at Appledove, a small market-town in the
vale, where he enjoyed considerable want OF
practice, IN common with two three other for
tunate brethren Hearing of mineral spring
at Handley Cross, which, accor ling to usual
country tradition, was capable of ''curing every
thing, he tried it on himself and either the wa
ter, or the exercise in walking to and fro, had
very beneficial effect on his somewhat deranged
digestive powers. He analyZed its contents,
and finding the ingredients he expected, he set
himself to work to turn it to his own advantage.
Having secured a lease of the spring, he took
the late Stephen Dumpling's house on the green,
where, at one or other of its four front windows
numerous tribe of little Swizzles might be seen
Hattening their noses against the panes. Roger
possessed every requisite for great experimen-
tai (qy quack) practitioner--assurance, a wife
and large family, and scarcely anything to keep
them on Being shrewd sort of fellow, he
knew there was nothing like striking out new
light for attracting notice, and the more that
hight was In accordance with the wishes of the
world, the more likely was it to turn to his own
advantage. Half the complaints of the upper
classes he knew arose from over-eatng and in
dolence, so lie thought if he could orr ginate a
doctrine that, with the of the Handley Cross
waters, people might eat and drink what they
To this end, therefore, he set himself manfully
to work. Aided by the local press, he succeed
ed IN drawing certain attention to the water,
the benefit of which soon began to be felt by the
villagers of the place; and the landlord of the
Fox and Grapes had his stable constantly filled
with gigs and horses of the visters. Presently
lodgings were sought after, and carpeting began
to cover the before sanded staircases of the cot
tages. These were soon found insufficient, and
an enterprising bricklayer got up building So
ciety for the erection of row of four-roomed
cottages, called the Grand Esplanade Others
quickly followed, the last undertaking always
eclipsipg its predecessor until that which at
first was regarded with astonishment was sunk
into insignificance by its more pretending breth-
rem. The doctossAp practice ''grew with the
growth OF anasACross. His rosy face glow
ed with health and good living, and his little
black eyes twinkled with delight as he prescr-
bed for each patient, sending them away as hap
py as princes. NAh, / see how it is,'' he would
say, gouty alderman slowly disclosed the
symptoms of his case. ''Shut up your potato
trap! see how it is. Soon set you on your legs
again. Was far worse myself. All stomach,
sir-all lstomach-three-fourth of our complaints
arise from stomach stroking his corpulent pro-
tuberancy with one hand, and twisting his pa
TENTS button with the other. ''Clean you well
out, and then strengthen the system. Dine with
me at five, and we will talk it all over" With
languid hypochoudriacs he was subtle, firm, and
eminently successful. A lady who took it into
her head that she couldn't walk, Roger had care
fully carried out of her carriage into q room at
the top of his house, when raising a cry of
'Fire - she came spinning down stairs in way
that astonished herself. He took another mile
or two out of town in fly, when, suddenly pull
ing up, he told her to get out and walk home,
which she at length did, to the great Joy of her
husband and friends With the great and dig
nitied and those who we're really i'll, he was more
ceremonious. '.You see, Sir Harry he would
gsft- a1f, IL. \
their graves with their teeth than imagine.
Not that would deny you the good things of
this world, but would recommend a few at
time, and mixing. No sde-dishes. No liq-
ueurs-only two or three wines Whatever your
stomach fancies, give it! Begin now, to-mor-
row, with the waters. A pint before breakfast
half an hour after, tea, fried ham and eggs,
brown bread, and walk. Luncheon-another
pint, a roast pigeon and fried potatoes, then
ride. Dinner at six not later mind-gravy
soup, glass of sherry, nice fresh turbot and lob
ster sauce-wouldn't recommend salmon anoth-
er glass of sherry-then good cut out of the
middle of well Drowned saddle of mutton; wash
it over with a few glasses of iced champagne;
and, if you like little light pastry to wind up
with, well and good. A pint of old port and
devilled biscuit can hurt no man. Mind, no sal
ads, or cucumbers, or celery, at dinner, or fruit
after. Turtle soup is very wholesome, so is
venson. Don't let the punch be too acid though.
Drink the waters, live a regimen, and you'll
be well in no time With these and like COM
Portable assurances, he pocketed his guineas,
and bowed his patients out by the dozen. The
theory was pleasant both to doctor and patient,
and peculiarly suitei the jolly air of the giver.
a thriving trade brings compe
tition another patentless doctor determined to
try his luck in opposition to Roger Swizzle. OBJ
serving the fitness of that worthys figure for the
line he had taken, DIR. Sebastian Melo consider
ed that his pale and sentimental countepance
better became grave and thoughtful character;
determined to devote himself to the serious
portion of the population. He too was about
forty, buta faircomplexion, flowing, sandy locks,
and slight figure, would let him pass for ten
years younger. He had somewhat of Grecian
face, with blue eyes, and regular teeth, vying
the whiteness of his linen. Determined to be
Swizzle's opposite in every particular, he was
studiously attentive to his dress. Not that he
indulged in gay colours, but his black suit fitted
without wrinkle, and his thin dress boots shene
with patent polish; turned-back cambria wrist
bands displayed the snowy whiteness of bis hand,
and set off a massive antique ring or two He
had four small frills to his shirt, and auburn
hair cham crossed his broad roll-collared waist
coat, and passed most diminutive Geneva watch
into its pocket. He was a yidower with two
children, q boy and girl, the one five and the
| other four. Mystery being his object be avoid
ed the public gaze. Unlike Roger Swizzle, who
either trudged from patient to patient, or whis-
| ked about In gig, DIR. Sebastian Mello drove to
and fro in a claret-coloured fly, drawn by dun
ponies Through the plate-glass windows a
! glimpse of his reclining figure might be caught