The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1852-11-12
From the N. Y. Merchants Ledger.
COMPLAINT OF A FAT MAN i,

A few evenings since, while quietly
Illuminating in our sanclum upon the
occurrences of late days, and endeavorng
10 catch fit subject for paragraph, we
received The following letter, from a gen
leman Of whose acquaintance we have
not the honor, but whom we should be
glad 10 know. Though not after our
fashion he is man after our own heart.
! Drdr Ledger-Sir, take the liberty
of addressing you upon a subject of the
deepest importance TO myself and be-
lieve not entirely without interest 10 you.
Al the FIRST glance il may seem trihing,
because il concerns only my personal
convenience, but you will see lis useful
ness upon rejecting that il calls forth
your good counsel, and may direct others
similarly situated.
| am Eat man;--!bat IL weigh in
the neighborhood of two hlndred and
fifty: some men call this misfortune,
but 1 very respectfully differ ih opinion
from such reasoners. They are shallow
fellows, sir, who think this, and only lean
men. For my part, l pride myself upon
my obesity; glory in il, and think il
adds greatly 10 dignity. Is there any
quality more becoming 10 an alderman?
And is there any thing that gives more
gratifying evidence Of counlry's graft
tude than to see all government officials
men Of weight-bodily as well as men
lalIy9 A Judge, loo, should not be a
skeleton; he should look as if he had
passed judgment upon good viands, lived
in. good society, looked on the bright
side of things, and grown fat by laughing
II am no, an officer under government,
but as my father once held post under
The city executive little lower than head
clerkship, and my brother was at one
time distinguished aiming the Odd Eel
lows, and steed in-eycelent .repniess4tl
the political organizations, where his
name was mentioned in connection with
a seat in Congress, see no reason why
should not yet attain 10 position OF
eminence.
! These are no, my only reasons for
taking pride in my present proportions ;
have you not often looked with feeling
akin TO disgust upon the lantern iawed,
long-trousered skeletons, who look as il
without year Of life, and hang together
by doubtful tenure? Hungry looking
fellows, with no substance But bones,
and the clothes that cover them, are my
especial horror; they are malicious, en-,
vious dogs, who having no flesh on their
bones would pick at any better covered
than themselves, as ii starving for iood
But my object in addressing you was
no, SO much TO offer discourse on
bodily dimensions as to ask your counsel.
am troubled, and wish relief from a
parcel Of scurvy jol,er heads, and nnsub
staniial knaves, who point at me in The
streets, and call me "demi john Jack,
; "Old Greasy,'' "Porpoise," and oibe
disagreeable epitheis. Often they asl
me in what manbfactory cloths are made
: large enough for my garments.
| would purstie these Williams, but
iolts The breath out OF my body when
attemp, TO run; shake my stick at them
and threaten them with the police, bu
the dogs take no notice of me, and onl.
, double their abuse, pointing their leal
and long fingers at me as If in derIslon
, and screwing thoir contracted faces int
, a thousand contortions. There is OH
: among this company OF vugabonds ,ha
3 most reminds me Of living skeleton
(: he is so thin as 10 be almost Transparent
, and looks as though stiff breeze Q
!. wind nigh, blow him to pieces; hi
clothing hangs round him like wind-sails
having nothing 10 cling TO and only KEEP
, in position BY faslenings at the ends
This rogns is the most Insulting, and
attribute his abuse to envy: believ
that this fellow even when he calls me
"porpDise'' secretly wishes himself bles
with my proportions goodness know
that J, TOO, wish ho were, if il nigh, b
: only 10 silence his rancorous tongue.
Now tell me, Dear Ledger, is there n
escape from these fellows! Is there n
way Of bringing upon them most condg
!, punishment, and keeping them out Of m
path, or mus, ! continue TO baye ther