Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1852-01-01
Aunt Hetty's Idea of
Matrimonv.

Now, girls, said Aunt Hetty, put down
your embroidery aud wOrsted work, do
something sensible, and stop building air
castles, and talking of lovers and honey
moons; it make me sick, it makes me faint,
its perfectly snrImoniaI. Love is farce
matrlnI"nv is a hunbug, husbands are do
nes,ic Napoleons, Neros, Al-xanders, sigh
ing Ter other hearts to conquer a;ler they are
sure OF yours. The honey-moon is as short
lived as Lucifer match after thar, you
may wear your wedding dress at the wash
tub, and your night cap TO meeting, and your
husband wouldn't know il. You may pick
up yonr own pocket handkerchief, help your
self 10 chair, ard split your gown across
the back, reaching over the taEle 10 get
piece of butter, while he is laying in his
breakfast as il t was the last meal he should
edt this side of Jordan when he gets through
he will aid your dIgrstlon-( lille you are
slipping your first cup OF roftte,) by enqur-
ing what you'll have for dinner, whether The
cold lamb was all ate yesterday, il The char
coal Is out, and what You gave for The last
green tea you bought. Then lie gels up
from the table, lights his cigar with the last
evenings paper thai you have not had
chance TO read; gives Two or three whiffs OF
smoke, sure TO give You a heudarhe for the
forenoon, and just as his coat tail is vanish
ing through the door, apologies lor not do
ing tia, errand tor YOU Yesterday -ihIuks II
doubtful if he can tu-day-'sO pressed with
business Hear of him at ii oclork takihg
an ice cream with some ladies at VInl0n's,
while you are at home new lining his coal
sleeves. Children by The ears all day, can't
get out to take the air, feel us crazy as Il,
in drum husband comes home at night ,
mods how dye DO Fun,' boxes Charley.
ears, stands little Fanny up IN the corner.
sits down in the easiest chair, in The warm
est corner, puts his feet up over the CRATE,
shutting out all the fire, while The baby's little
pug nose grows blue with the cold reads
the newspapers all 10 himself, solaces the in
ner man with n hot cup of ten. and just as
you ARE laboring under the hfllucination that
he " Ill ask you TO take mouth nl of fresh
air with him. he puts on his dressing gown
and slippers and begins 10 reckon up the
family expenses, alter which he lies down on
the sofa, and you keep time with yonr nee lie
while he snores till nine o'clock. Next
morning, ask him 10 leave you a little money,
he looks at you as If TO he sure you are in
your right mind, draws sigh long enough
and strong enough TO initiate a pair of bel
lums, and asks you what yon want of IT. and
If halfa dular WON'T .so. Gracious king as
ii thUse little shoes and stockings, and pIna-
fures aud pellicoats, could be lad for half
dollar! Oh, girls set your affections on
cats, poodles, parrots or lap dogs-but lei
matrimODv alone. lis The hardest way on
earth oi getting a living-you never know
when your work is done up. Think of car
rying eight or niue children through the
measles. chicken pox, rash. mumps aud scar
let fever, sone Of 'em twice over; it makes
my sides ache 10 think Of it, Oh, you may
scrimp: and save, aud twist and turn, and
dig and delve, and economize aud DIE.
and your husband will marry again, take
what you've saved, to dress his second wife
with, and she'll take your portrait for fi'e-
hoard, and-bul what's The use of talking
I'll warrant every one of you'll Try il, the
first chance you get; there's sor: OF be-
wi,clment about il, somehow. ] wish one
half of tine world warnI fools, and t'other
half idiots, do, Oh, dear! FAsNY FREN.