Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1852-02-12

NOW lei II WORK. Mischief, thou art 1901,
Take what course thou wilt.n
The substance of the following is no fiction.
In the village of H., on the Kennebec, whose
Inhabitants, like the good people of Athens,
were much given 10 'either feel or hear some
new thing lived Squire p, facetious, good
sort of body, whose jokes are even yet mat
ter of village record, and have been re-told
through various editions, from folio down to
duodecimo.
Aunt Lizzy was Deacon Snipe's wife's sis
ter-a maiden lady of about fifty-she went to
all the meetings--kept regular account of ev-
cry birth, death and marriage, with their dates
-doctored all the babies and new every arb in
the ghborhood-showed the young married
people how to make soap, and when they had
bad luck, made every child in the house sit
cross-legged until the luck changed. In fine,
she was a village factotum-spent her time in
going from house to house grinding out grist
of slander to each, as occasion required, but al
ways concluded with the way of transgressors
is hard;' poor Mrs. A. or B. Gas the case
or some such soothing reflection Aunt Lizzy
was always very fond of asking strangers and
others, without regard to time or place, the
state of their minds, &c. These questions were
followed by string of scandal which was cal
cuated 10 destroy the peace and happiness of
some of her best friends; but she, like other
narrators of this kind, considered such intellec-
tual murder as either establishing her own fair
reputation, or as the mode of entertaining the
village, and thereby render her society agree
able
One warm summers afternoon as the Squire
was sitting near the door smoking his pipe,
Aunt Lizzy was passing by with great speed,
Illuminating the news of the day, when the
Squire brought her suddenly to, as the sailors
say, by what's your hurry Aunt Lizzy! walk
in The old lady vino never wanted second
invitation, went into the Office, and the follow
ing dialogue soon commenced:
well, Squire P, have been thinking this
forenoon what useful man you might be, if
you would only leave off your light conversa-
tions, as the good book says. and become
serious man-you might be an ornament to
both Church and State, as our minister always
says
why, as 10 that, Aunt Lizzy, cheerful
countenance | consider as the best index of
grateful heart, and you know that the bible
says on that subject" When We fast be not as
Il
noint thy head and wash thy face Aunt Lzzy
began to feel for her handkerchief, for she was
a taker of snuff) that you appear NOT unto men
to fast'''
Now, there, Squire that's just what | told
you-see how you have the scripter at your
tongues end what useful man you might be
in our church, if you'd only be doer as well
hearer of the word
AS to that, Aunt Lizzy, don't see that
your professors, as you call them, are a whit
better than am in private. | respect sin
cere profession as much as any man; but
know enough of one of your church whom you
think great deal of, to know that she is no
better than she should be-
AT these inuendoes, Aunt Lizzy's little black
eyes began 10 twinkle; she sat down beside
the Squire. in order to speak in lower tone
spread her handkerchief over her lap, and be-
gan to tap the snuff-box in true style, and all
things being in readiness for regular seige
of her scandalum magnatum,' she commenced
FIRE.
Now, Squire, l want to know who you
mean by one of our church, know who you
mean-the trollop-I didn't like SO many
curls about her head when she told her expe-
rience'
The Squire finding curiosity was putting
on his boots, had no occasion to add spurs to
the heels, for the old lady had one in her head
that was worth both of them. Accordingly he
had no peace until he consented to explain
what he means by the expression an private; !;
that was dear word with Aunt Lizzy.
Now, Aunt Lizzy, will you take bibl,
oath, that you will never communicate what
am about to tell you to living being, that yo'
will keep it while you live as the most inviola
BILE secretl'
Yes. Squire, declare won't never tel
nobody nothing about it as long as breathe
the breath of life; and III take bible oatl
on it; there, sartin as live, Squire, before yo,
or any other magistrate in the whole coun
!. try
well then, you know when l went to Ros
ton year ago.
Yes, Squire, and know who went with yol
too-Susey B., and Dolly T. and her siste
Prudence
Never mind who went with me, Aunt Liz
w, there was whole lot of passengers-but
but
None of your butts, Squire, out with it
folks will act so-a trollop-'
But Aunt Lizzy, am afraid you'll bring
me into the scrape.' ..t
I've told you over and over again, that no
body shall know nothing about it and your wifi
knows am no taaler.'
MY wife wouldn't have her know wha
was going to say for the world-why Aun
Lizzy, if she should know it1'
well, don't be afear'd, Squire, once for all
I'll take my oath that no living crittur shan
never, as long as live, know single lisp o
it, -'
We'll, then, if you must know it, slep