The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1852-10-01
THOMAS JEFFERSON MADISON
MlLES-APROGRESSIVE CHAR
ACTER.

corder's Office yesterday morning, was
Thomas Jefferson Madison Miles. Toms
face seemed made up Of component parts
Of whisky and whiskers: all Of il, inclu-
ding q nose like an overgrown raddish--
which was not covered by this hirsute
appendage.-was overspread with small
purple protuberances, impartIag TO it The
appearance Of a miniature strawberry bed.
Toms shoes were all but soleless; in
deed, his boast Of the night before was
literally true-his foot was on his native
soil; his pants were on the Marcy princi-
pie with amendments; they were patched
all over, and il seen by the pantaloons-
loving Mrs. Bloomer, would make that
lady forever renounce her love for the
breeches, His hat was high-crowned
gray; il was zoned by what was originally
a Grape, but which now looked like a
belt Of swamp moss surrounding q live
oak stump.
oWatchman--B. 25!" called out the
Recorder; and up stood a sialWar Hiber-
nian, whose insignia Of Office, in the
shape of brass crescent: and OF which
he seemed as proud as one of Napole'
on's Marsbals would be of the Cross OF
the Legion of Honor, daugled from the
breast buuonhole of his coat.
Recordet-"You arrested the prisoner
Mr.. Miles, last night?"
Watchman-"I did, your honor, and
purity tough job l had Of it too
Recorder-"Was he 6ghting?"
Watchman-HNo. Bur he was kickin'
up hcllabaloo that you niver heerd the
like of; begor he has the gift of the CAB
iis, as if he was a mimber Of parliament;
why, poor Ould Dan, himself, niver
spoke with greater iloquence, when he
used to address the hearedithery bonds
men in the Corn Exchange"
Recorder-Then he was simply dis
turbing the peace?
Watchman--why, he was kickin up the
loudest ruckacn you iver heard. | tell
you, that If his speech was taken down
by one Of those loneheaded, sho:t han
ded fellows they call repor!hers, it 'ud
read most illeeanti in the papers,
Recordcr-Thsn who was his audi
ence? Whom was he addressing?
Watchman- We'll, be jabers, youl
honor, that's the best Of The joke. The
ID mothers son was there but me
self and the lamp-post, and half hi
speech was over when cum up, so that
as the cockney said to she barber, wher
he saw him rubbing the bald head Of
customer over with scented ile-he wa
"wasting his sweetness on the deser
hair"
Recorder-He offered no resistance
when you attempted to arrest him?
| Watchman-.1Ndbduckhsh may be HI
didn't! Faith, it was himself that did
Be me Soukins he felt as pugnacious a
Ned Rigney's ram, and he set his fac,
agains. everything; when he couldn'
lind ANYTHING else TO butt, finding th'
pa.lor door open, he butted his owl
4 shadow in the mlrror, knockin' goot
five pound note into sm;ddreens, by tn
exploit. f
| Recorder-Your Illustrations are en-
tirely TOO tedious. What did he do
never mind what he was?
Watchman-Why, he handed me hi
cord. and, be the same token, here it is
; Hands card TO the Recorder with I
} il. M. Miles written upon il.
Recorder Well, what else9
I Wa,cbman-Why, then, he asked m
for an exchange, and | tould him that
wasn't in the business, tha! he'd have I
apply to Jacob Barker or some one
, that line.
Well, then, he put himself in whf
Simon Kurns, the boxer. used 10 call a
"attitude;;" he said tha! his name wa
, Miles, and that no one should lay hand
on him. Well, then, ses ], ifyour nam
is Miles, ses I, my name is Furlong, an
so ii is, you know, your Honor-and on
Furlong is equal 10 eight Miles, any day
|Now, if you attempt to break the payce
3lTll be unther the disagreeable nacisslt
Of breakin' your head-just TO preserv
the payce--on the illigant Kossuth prlr
! ciple of intervention 10 prevent inthel
vention-and, with that, your Honor, b
cum along TO the watch house, as qule
as If he was the learned Blacksmith, {
anv other mimber Of the payce sociei!
Recorder-Well, then. you have got
The end of your charge at last, whic
threatened 10 be as iniernnable as
Bunkum speechl in Congress. You ma
: retire. Now, we shall hear what M
!, Miles has to say. Call him up.
; During all this time there was not on
elm court who paid less attention to Oh
!. wa,chman'a prolix charge Than Thoma
, Jefferson Madison Miles did, and It wa
! with apparent reluctance that he obeye
the mandates Of the Recorder to rise.
Recorder Miles, you have heard tn
charge of the watchman. Have you any
} thing to say in explanation Of your COZ
duet?
Miles-(with an indignan. swing Of the arm
as II repelling the idea that any guilt shoul
attach to him for aught be had done. Yo'
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