Daily American telegraph., 1852-07-03
AMERICAN TELEGRAPH.
..n, Hetty,. idea. or matrimony.

"Now, girls" said Aunt Hetty, "put down
YOUR embroidery and worsted work, do soinethihe
sensible, and stop building air castles ana money
moons; il makes me sick, it's perfect anumoniai'
Love is a farce, matrimony is humpug, nus
bands are domestic Napoleons, heroes, Alexan-
ders, signing for other hearts to conquer after
they are sure of yours. The honey moon is as
short-lived as a Lucifer match; after that you
NAV wear your wedding dress at the wash tub,
and your night cap TO meeting, and your husband
would't know it. You may pick up your own
handkerchief help yourself to chair, and split
your gown across the back reaching over
the table to get piece of butter, while he Is
laying in his breakfast as If it was the last
meal this side of Jordan; when he gets
through he will aid your digestion (whie
YOU are slipping your first cup OF coffee) by
inauiring what you'll have for dinner, whether
the cold lamb was all eaten yesterday II the char
coal is out, and what you gave for the last green
tea YOU bought Then he gets up from the table,
lights his cigar with last evenings paper, that
YOU have not had chance to read, gives two or
three whifs of smoke, sure to give you the head
ache for the afternoon, and, just as his coat tail
is vanishing through the door, apologies for not
doing q that errand " for you yesterday-thin
it doubtful if he can to-day" so pressed soith
business" Hear of him at II o'clock, taking an
ice cream with some ladies at Vinton's, while you
are at home, new lining his old coat sleeves.
Children by the ears all day, can't 60 out to take
the air, feel as crazy as q fly in a drum; husband
comes home at night, mods chow dye do, Fan" i"
boxes Charley's ears, stands little Fanny up in
the corner, sits down in the easiest chair in the
warmest corner, puts his feet up over the CRATE,
shutting out all the fire, while the babys little
pug nose grows blue with the cold; reads the
newspaper all to himself, solaces his inner man
with cup of hot tea, and, just as you are labor
ing under the halucination that he will ask you
to take mouthful of fresh air with him, he puts
reckon up the family expenses after which he
lies down on the sofa, and you may keep time
with your needle while he snores till 8 o'clock.
Next morning, ask him to leave g little money"
he looks at you as if to be sure that you are in
your right mind draws sigh long enough to
initiate a pair Of bellows and asks you what you
want with it, and if q half-dollar won't do? Ora
cious king, as if these little shoes and stockings
and pinafores and petticoats could be bought for
fifty cents! Sge
Oh, girls, set your affections on CATS poodles,
parrots, OF lap-dogs but let matrimony alone.
It's the hardest way on earth of getting alving-
you never know when your work is done up.
Think of carrying eight or nine children through
the measles, chicken-pox, rash mumps, and scar
let fever, some Of 'em twice over, and it makes
my sides ache to think of it Oh, you may scriml
and save, and twist and turn, and dig and delve
and economic and die; and your husband will
marry again, take what you've saved to dress hi
second wife with, and she'll take your portrai
for fre-board, and 49, but what's the use o
talking I'll warrant every one of you'll try it
the first chance you get; there's sort of be
witchment about it somehow wish one-hal
the world want fools, and t'other half idiots,
do Oh, dear!"