The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1852-04-02
AUNT HETTY'S IDEAS OF MATRI.
MONY. a..

~ - H. D..
down your embroidery and worsIed work,
do something sensible, and stop building
air-casiles, and talking Of lovers and hon
ey-moons; It makes me sick. il's perfectly
aDlimonial Love isa farce, malrimony
is humbug, husbands are domestic Ma
poleons, Nsroes. AlexandeIs, signing for
other hearts TO conquer after they, sre
sure Of yours. The honeymoon is as
short lived as Lncifor match; afer that
you may weaf yotir wedding dress a. the
wash tub, and your night cap TO meeting,
and 'yonr husband wouldn't know il. You
may pick up your own hadkerchief, help
yourself TO chair, and split your gown
across the back reaching over the table 10
get piece Of butter, while he is laying
in his breakfast as If il were the last meal
he should eat this side Of Jordan; when
he gets thr5Ggl he. will aid your diges-i
lon, lwhile you are slipping your first cup
Of coffee,) BY inquiring what you will have
for dinner, whether the cold lamb was all
eat yesterday, If the charcoal is out, atd
what you gave for the last green tea YOU
bought. Then he gets up from the table
lights his cigar with the last evenings pa
per tina, you have hot had achance 70 read,
gives two or ahree whiffs Of smoke. sure
TO givey youthe headache for the after
noon, and just as his coat-tail is vanishing
through the door, apologises for not do
ing "ihai eIraud" for you yesterday
thinks i doubtful if he can ,o-day--so so
pressed Nth business" Hear Of him at
eleven O'clock, taking al ice cream with
some ladies', a, ,yinton's while you are at
home, new lining his old coat sleeves,
Children at tire ears all day, cant 90 on,
to take the air, feel as crazy as a fly il a
drum, husband comes home at night, mods
a "howTye do, Fam" boxes little Char,
ley's ears, stands Mary up in the corner,-
sits down in the easiest chair, in lie
warmest corner, puts hin feet up over the
graie; shutting out all The fire, while The
baby's little pug nose grows blue with the
cold; reads tbenewspaper all 10 himself,
soIaces his inner man with a cup of hot
coffee, and Just as you are laboring under.
The halucinalon that lie will ask you TO
take mpntLfni Of fresh air with him, he
puts on his dressing gown and slippeTs;
aud begins 50 add up the family expenses!
after which he lies down on the sofa, and
you keen time with your needle, while he
snorcs iii nine O'Clock Next morning.
ask him to leave you ia little money"
he looks ut you as fto be sure you are
in your right mind, draws a sigh long
enough to initiate pair Of bellows, and
asks You "wl,at you want Of il, and ia
half dollar won't do" Gracious king,
as ;fal these little shoes and stockings.
and pinafores, and peiiicoa,s, could be
Lad for "half dollar" Oh girls, set
,onr affections on cats, poodles, parrots,
or lap.dogs; but let mairimony alone
lis the hardes, way on earth Of getting a
Iiving--you never know when your work
is done up. Think Of carrying 8 or 9 child.
rem through the measles, chicken.pox,
rash, mumps AMI scarlet fever, some of
them twice over; and i makes my
side ache to think Of i. o., YOU may
scrimp and save, and twist and turn, and
dig and delve and economise and die,
and your husband will marty again, take
what you've saved 10 dress his second
wife with, and she'll take your portal, for
fre-board, and-but what is the use
OF talking? l'Il warrant every one of
you'll Try il, the first chance you get;
there is sort Of bewiIchment atout u,
somehow. Iwsh one half Of the world
warn't fools, and eo,her half idiots \ do.
oh dear. az XXX ..,,,..- III > n, hi !.
PARkfR,a WATER WHEEL.--Petitions have