Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1852-09-01
Godtler'a GlarEshllrqR rglater
A STORY wIrH spICE INIT.

just entered into the silken bonds Of ma.
trimony, His wife, most amiable crea-
ture, had mortal hatred of liquor and
though Tom often INDUCED on the sly
with his conyivial companions, he took
care always to be "right side up ON GO
ing, home. Hc would not have his wife
find him in such a state for all the gold
In the universe and yet he could not
sign the pledge of total abstinence, from
the fact of being the vice-president of
club of jolly fellows, all of whom believed
in grape juice. For at least six months
after his marriage, in the presence of his
better half" he was as straight as a
pin. and she had set it down that a bles-
sing in the shape of strictly sober hus.
band had fortunately fallen to her lot.
Tom'" one morning, said she, low
ingly, we have now been welded
couple half a year, and never once have
had the slightest occasion to reproach
YOU"
Ofcourse Tom was delighted to hear his
dear little wife talk SO eucouragingly, and
express happiness at his behavior and
his repeated assurances of his determine
tion always to be an attentive, sober hus-
band.
But in the ocean of life how little we
can foresee the breakers of temptation
Tom had to dime that very evening with
the "Owls," 1.-THE pathological title of
his club, and he felt in admirable spirits,
and his health was drank warmly and
frequently after the removal of the cloth !;
the consequence was that by the time the
company separated he was in happy
state Of elevation, with vivid notion of
men. women. and all things terrestrial,
'Hic-c-c, r.really belive Pm ddrunkP
soliloquised Tom, posing himself on his
heels, with his arms claspcd endearingly
around lamp-post "W-w-hat's to be
done? Am l d-d-reaming, or am l
d-d-runk-which is it? Will somebody
tell me F?
A knot of wags passing at the mo.
ment, hearing his voice, roared in COM
bined tones" Your drunk--beastly
drunk p
There, now, it's out, and no more
than l s-s-uspected," continued, Tom,
mournfully, in naudlin voice. "What
will Clara say, ugh? Confound that last
julep, say-if it hadn't been for that I'd
have passed muster but now she can tell
it in my eyes-1 f-f-eel as if had do
zen pair of eyes /; and as for tongues, I've
got score all Vaughn away for dear
life."
Tom here losing proper and impor-
tant equilibrium, his heels suddenly flew
higher in the air than is necessary for
every day cases of pedestrianism, and per
consequence, he was the next moment in
most ungracious position in the gutter
"Hic, hic, this is r-r-ich, 1 m-m-ust
say. 'Spose Clara should s-s-ee me now
twas only to-day she appraised my in
integrity. Tom, Tom, you're b-b-yes
you are, so don't deny it--you're
a b-b-east p
By dint of series of vast efforts he
succeeded in gaining his feet, and procec-
ded towards home Keeling, and talking to
himself all the way, After installing the
house next door, the front door of which
was the same, for his own, he had an un-
decided search of at least an hour for his
latch key, which at length he found in
his boot, it having slipped down his trou-
ser leg through hole in his pocket.
Now in the hall, he leaned up against
the wall and undertook a cogitalion He
could sufficiently gather his senses to re-
member the clock in his wife's room was
out of repair, and as she had retired,
she would not be able to tell the time
he had got in. That was grand point
gained.
al know what I'll do ; I'll go to bed
in the dark, and then she won't notice
my eyes," ruminated Tom. "But hold
. on-1'd like to forgot it-she will smell
~. T Co.
He was puzzled for few moments,
and in the end concluded to seek the
kitchen, and NEEDLE slightly with the
spice-box. Down the stone stairs he
went, and. after putting his hands into
half dozen various fluids, feeling into a
row of pans, jugs and dishes, at length
he found handful Of cloves, which he
thrust into his mouth as if they had been
so many sugar plums.
"Ge-ge-rusala-ham, how, hot" sput-
tered Tom, with his face all aglow ''but
they answer the purpose, How wish
Bob Stiles was here to tell me whether
the brandy is sufficiently disguised"
Satisfied that the fragrance of the
cloves had out-odered the scent of the
ardent" he mounted the stairs and,
with the exception of a couple of small
stumbles, gained his chamber in safety.
Now he would have been happy had his
wife not been wide awake,
"Why, Thomas, how late you are, +"
said she "where is the candle ?"
"Oh, never mind the CANDLE" said he,
in as steady a tone as he could assume.
Its not late.'
81 should judge it was very late,' said
she /; dear me l must have that clock
fixed"
eyes. so we must" said Tom, with
miraculous deliberation, for one solitary
hiccup would have betrayed him. AS to
the clocks uncertain condition, it was u
phenomenon of good luck for him.
"Does it look like rain, dear 2" kindly