The Portsmouth inquirer. [volume] (Portsmouth, O. [Ohio]) 1849-1855, 1852-07-30
THnmANTnAT GOT HUaBUcGED.

dinner over, we were awaiting the arrival Of
the stage upon an interecting route, to pro
ceed upon ouv journey. Cigars had been
lighted, and by way OF passing our time, we
had commenced critical examination Of
the mammoth pictorial posters Of Barnum's
Mensgerie, which covered the walls OF spa
clous bar-room. Barnum's name opened a +
fruitful topic Of conversation; every one
present seemed stored with anecdotes Of the
Napoleon Of Showmen, and the Wooley
Horse, the Feejee Mermaid and the Joice
Heath were not forgotten in the discussion
which followed.
Suddenly a long, slab-sided individual, |
with an owl-lke expression OF wisdom and
dignity, who had been listening to our re-
marks with an evident desire to take hand, |
broke out
81 s'pose you think that's an ALFRED big
concernl Any body would that hadn't seen
it,
Then ! suppose you have never seen it?'
said my legal friend.
'Yaas, seen itat Springfield was the re-
ply; its darned humbugp
@ Isit possible?' said the Major seeing
prospect of fun. Couldn't you oblige us
with description Of the institution
Certainly, said Jonathan; there's the stage,
and as soon as we get started, I'll give you
all the items. They can't humbug me very
often, and when they do, calculate to ad,
yertise for 'em till get square,
In few minutes we were under headway,
and our yerdant friend commenced unbosom-
ing himself
Yer see Mr.. Barnum was going to show
his caravan down to Springfield, Fourth OF
July, and tho't therd be good chance to
see the elephant and celebrate the day, both
at onc't. What wanted to see more than
all the rest was The Car Of Gugglenot, drawn
bya string of elephants
did it meet your expectations?
'lneyer seed one side oft. Before l got
in town, they'd got all through paradin, the
elephants were embarrassed, and the Car OF
Gugglenot was in q woodshed. / made up
my mind right of, then that the hull
concern was humbug.'
Was Barnum aware Iasked, 'that you
were to be in town?
"Not that know Of, was the answer.
'Ifhe had known it, added the Major, he
would doubtless have waited. But you visi-
ted the exhibition, suppose9'
of course; was bound to do that. If II
bust me. That was bigger humbug than
all the resl.'
How soP
'Why, in the first place lexpected to see
Jenny Lind
WAS she announced in the bills?'
81 don't know; don't read EN-, but AK
ed the man that stuck up the pictures j
sbe'e be there, and he slidiyes, and that she'd
sing the bird song standin on the top OF a
cage of coco toos and parrots. She warn't
there, and never seen one side of her-and
then knowd The hull consarn was darned
humbug.'
well, then went round and took look
at the elephants-had hard work TO get round
tu; there was morn u hundred thousand peo-
pie in the tent. got where they was, and
The folks were all ieedin 'em with apples and
cakes and things. had some dough
nut in my hat, SO held it out to one OF the
darned things TO see il he would take one.'
Did be take one?
He took EN- all, and the hat tn, stuck EN-
in his nasty peaked mouth and begun eatin.
IhoIIowed 10 the keeper, and told him il was
bran new hat. He said mind, he'd gel
it again.
Did he get it?'
Yes. he got it, but a hat amt much ac-
count after an elephants chdued it' Then,
I'd svor the hull consarn was humbug.-
Vel. took look at Tom Thumb, and the
Ceylong Chief, and the man that fiddled with
his toes, and the feler that went in with the
lions. The wild animals was well enough,
but didn't see as they looked any different
from ANYBODY elses. | expected Barnums
lions would be twice as big as any others.
There was one thing, though, that was first
rate; that was the wax, the statuary-espe-
cially the 'intemperance family l told the
man that tux care oft, wished every body
that that had ever drinked drop of sperits
had TO stand and look at that about week
they'd never want TO drink another drop. He
said he wished so tu.'
Take it all in all though was mad; ]
didn't see what expected, and / didn't like
TO be humbugged, so inquired of one OF the
men that was stirrin up the monkeys where
Bamum was, and he pointed him out to me,
selling lemonade out Of wagon. Invent up
to him, and thinks l, I'll give him piece Of
my mind. Sez l.
'Mr. Barnum--
'Sixpence glass; sez he.
looked at his lemonade; there was just
one lone, solitary, ond-handed slice of le-
mon in whole washtub full Of it, and he
pedlin it out at sixpence glass. That made
me madder than all tie rest, so says /, loud
and auditably-
'Mr. Barnum think your shows daned
humbug.'
young man, sez he, Il suppose you paid
10 come inT
'Supposin did?' sez l.
WELL says he, "supposin you have; you
have paid your quarter, and you've per-
feet right to think just what yon d-n
please
sWhy,' said the Major, after the sensation
caused by this recital had somewhat subsidized
'why did you not demand your money back
You certainly could have compelled them tC
refund your quarter.
You see the truth is" says Jonathan
scratching his head, 4 didn't pay no quarter
--Iera,uisd in under the cGnUassl
~ Y. Spirit Of the Times.
f fr
A young man who was great talker, was
sent By his parents to Socrates TO learn ora
torv IN heino nFeeented IN Socrates .lE