Daily American telegraph. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1851-1852, 1852-10-28
The Yankee at a Modern Hotel.

Some time ago, a very long, brown Down
Easter, attired in one of those costumes which
are nowhere to be met with except on the stage,
tall bell crowned white hat, short wasted blue
coat with enormous pewter buttons, a vest as
syaller" as a barberry blossom and pair of
| corduroys whose highest ambition seemed to be
| to maintain their ascendancy over pair Of enor
nous cowhides that had trodden many hundred
miles of logging paths, "might have been seen,"
jack-knife and shingle in hand, winding his way
up Long Wharf, in the realization Of his lifelong
anticipations of "seein' Boston," At the corner
of Merchants Row his progress was arrested by
the numbering transit Of two-story house on
wheels drawn by half dozen yoke of oxen, with
the people inside pursuing their usual ayoca-
tons.
"Wbat on airth is that ERE % he asked of o
bystander. .,a ..et. s.
''Oh, nothing" replied the ''towney," "the folks
are only moving, that's all. When we move
down here, we do it, house and ALL"
| "Je-rusalem Wall, that beats all natur. Well,
cap'n, what's that ere big stun house over the
4 left?"
/ "That's the new custom house. It's ighty
bad location, but they're going to move it next
week"
"Thunder and moasses! It'll take all the
oxen in creation to start her!'
."Oh, they use elephants for moving such large
buildings"
"And how many elephants will it take?"
''Upward of O hundred"
The Yankee cut a deep cash in his shingle,
and walked on.
He next inquired for the Adams House, for
! he had " heard tell' of that and was determined
to progress during juvenility, aware of the i'm
possibility of doing so at n more advanced age.
/ He soon found the tavern" and the 90 dea-
CON-" and ordered accommodations, literally
darning the expenses" Having " slicked up"
| n Ettla ba yu;tpassed with some anna cement the
operations Of servant upon the gong, simply
remarking that she know'd what sheet-hght-
ming was but this was the first time he'd ever
beard of sheet thunder" He followed the crowd
into the dining hall and ushered to seat
where he ensconsed himself tucking his towel
| under his chin with sort of desperation, as if
he was going to be shaved or scalped
/ The sight of the covered dishes added to his
amazement "Dod darn it !" he exclaimed "ef
| ever heard of cookin' on the table but here
they've gone and sot tin kitchens all the lot.
Whars the fire to come from, that's what I'd like
to know"
He got along with his soup very well, and was
pausing for breath before he finished it, when a
waiter snatched his plate away, and was running
off with it.
| "Hello, you sir |" vocferated the Yankee, al
see you. Fetch that ere back quicker'n light
min, or you'll hev your heard punched
His plate was returned, and he finished his
soup with dignity. After waiting moment he
raised his voice again, and summoned the offend
ing waiter sternly.
| nKalkelate to starve me y
"No, sir"
"wall, why don't ye fetch on some fresh fOd
der, darn -
sThere's the carte, sir"
+" Where's the cart And what in thunder am
| to do with the cart when have got il? Look
out, you pisky sarpent, or you'll catch II"
"The bill Of fare"
81 don't pay my bill till have had my fod-
der"
The waiter humbly explained his meaning.
| "Whats all these crack-jaw names mean
Give me something plain and hearty-biled corn
beef-and fetch it about the quickest, while !
look over the paper and see what else III have
The meat was brought him.
"Hold on ~ was the next order. whats this
here M-a-c-c-a-read it, won't you sir?"
"Maccaroni, sir"
IAN right, cap'n. Hurry It up"
The dish was brought
"You eternal cuss I" roared the down easter,
| "ef hant as great mind as ever had TO ker-
whollop yer, and make an example of ye on the
spot What do you mean by running yer rigs on
me lust because I'm a stranger in these parts
Take away yer billed pipe-stem and fetch us
some cabbage. That's right. And now some
vinegar"
"Vinegar's in the castor, sir, replied the
waiter and made good his retreat.
"In the castor is it--hey p soliloquized the
Yankee; "aud where in thunder Is the castor y
The gentleman opposite, pushed II toward
him. He looked at il, and took the stopper out
Of the vinegar and taking up the castor by the
bottom turned il up. But all the cruets mani
tested desire TO illustrate the law Of gravity,
and leaped from their locations, and the Yankee
was compelled to set it down again.
Jerusalem !" he exclaimed. "This here IS
curious contrivance, and no mistake. How on
earth am | to get at the tarnal vinegar III try
it once more" Again he canted the castor, but
this time all the stopples tumbled cut.
"Thunderation !" he roared there's pretty
mess. Darn it all, here I've got the darned cas-.
tor lie in my gravy, and the darned red lead on
my cabbage, and the yaller on my tater. Darn
the thing, | say"
"My friend" said the gentleman opposite, with
strong control over his risible muscles, "it ap-
pears to me that if | were in want Of vinegar,
should take the vinegar cruet out Of the stand
and by that means should avoid all trouble"
Here the whole company, walters and ALL burst
into convusive fit Of laughter. The Yankee
rose in rage, upsetting his chair, and glaring
defiance on his neighbor.
Glow in the name Of all tarnal cusses in Gre
alton" he yelled, "should | know anything about
the way the darned thing worked when never
seed one of 'em afore? You've hitched this up