Des Moines courier. ([Ottumwa] Iowa) 1848-1854, 1852-01-15
story Of nn Old Bachelor.


field OF Mars, knew very little about the
camp of Cupid. lie was one of those
rough and honest spirits often met with
in his gallant profession, innocent as an
infant of almost every Thing save high in
tegrity and indomltable bravery. He
was nearly fifty years old, and his tolls
were over, when Master Dan Cupid
brought; him acquainted with a willow
Widman, IN whose eye he began TO de.
tect something that made him uneasy.
Here was the result of leisure.
During his service he had never seen
anything worthy Of notice in woman's 5
eye In fact he would scarcely have
observed whether woman had three
eyes in her head. or only one; fur 40
matter where his owh eyes were his
thoughts were ever among "guns, drums
and wounds and love was thing tha,
lived in his memory just as he remem-
bered once reading a visionary story
book, called the "Arabian Nights Enler-
tainmenls," when boy.
Well, the General had settled down
into an amiable, gen,lemanly old fellow.
living alone. comfortably. with wealth a.
round hlms and having little 10 do, now
and then, 10 entertain an old comrade in
arms, which companionship Afforded
opportunity for him to fight his battles
over again. Blu. alas. Ger This calm ev.
enilg of The old Generals dav, deal
of perpfexi,y was doomed to fall, and
he soon found himself in troubled waters,
the depths of which he could by no
means understand. He foundered a.
bou, like Gagged rat under a pump
and such another melancholy tish out OF
water never before swallowed the bait,
hook and all, Of the angling god of Love
The poor General! We must give him
name, or We cannot tell the story, and
the name for such a story is uncle Toby.
Poor General Uncle Toby debated
abstractedly about his new position and
never had siege or campaign given him
such perplexity.
Atlength. however, the blunt honesty
of his disposition rose uppermost among
his conflicting plans; his course was cho-
sen. AT school he had once studied
"Othello's Defence" to recite at exhibi-
tion, but made great failure; and he
now recollected there was something in
this defence very much like what he
wanted TO say. lie got The book ilnme,
dia.ely, found the passage, clspped on
his hat with determined air, and post
ed off 10 the widow Widman's with
Shakspenr under his arm.
''Madam," said General Uncle Toby,
opening his book at the marked place,
with the solemnily Of a special pleader
at the bar-"Madam--
Rude am in my speech,
And little bless'd with the set phrase of
peace;
For since these arms of mine had seven
years pith, :.
Till now, some nine moons wasted, they
have used
Their dearest action in the tented field;
And little of this great world can speak.
More than pertains to feats Of broil and
battle;
And therefore,"
Here the General closed the book, wi
ped his forehead, looked up a, the ceiling.
and said with a spasmodic gasp,
IL WANT TO GET MARRIED"
The widow laughed for ten minutes
by the watch, before she could utter a
syllable, and then she said, with precious
tears of humor rolling down her good
na,ured cheeks.
sand who is il you want 10 marry,
General?''
"You!" said Uncle Toby. hourishing
his sword arm in the air, and assuming
a military attitude of defiance, as if he
expected an assault from the widow i'm
mediaielv.
"Will you kill me if marry you?"
said the widow, with merry twinkle
in her eye.
"No madam" replied Uncle Toby. in
a most serious and deprecating tone, as
if 10 assure her that such an idea had
never entered his head.
"Well. then, guess Ill marry you,"
said the widow.
'.Thank you, madam" SAID Uncle
Toby, "hnt one thing am bound TO tell
you of, madam; WEAR a wIG!'
The widow started, remained silent
a moment, and then went into a longer,
louder, and merrier laugh than she had
INDUCED in before, at the end of which
she drew her seat nearer the General.
gravely laid her hand on his head, genily
lifted his wig off, and placed il on the Ia
BILE.
! General Uncle Toby had never known
fear in battle, but he now fel, most de-
cisive inclination to run away. The
widow laughed again, as though she
never would stop, and the General was
aboutt to lay his hat upon his denuded
head and bolt, when the facetious lady
placed her hand upon his arm and de
tanned him. She then deliberately rails
ed her other hand 10 her own head, with
a sort of military precision. executed a
rapid vancouver with her five fingers,
pulled off her whole head of fine glossy
hair, and placing it upon the table by the
side of the Generals, remained seated
with lndicrous gravity in front of her ac-
cepted lover, quite bald!
As may be expected, Uncle Toby now
laughed along with the widow, and they
AH a