The Portsmouth inquirer. [volume] (Portsmouth, O. [Ohio]) 1849-1855, 1852-02-27


Nov, girls saIa Aunt Heliy- put down
Jour embroidery and WorB.ed work; DO
somstnlng sensible and stop building air.
castles and talking Of lovers and honey
moons; y makes me sick, Its perfectly an,
timohlai. Love Is . iafce--ma atyinony Isl
num mpugi nusppnus are domestic Napo poleons,
Neroes, Ale xandes, slgI.;Rg for other hearts
70 conquer after they are sure Of YOURS
The honeymoon y IS shoft-liyed as 1 lucifer
match; after that, you may wear your wed.
ding dress at the wash-tub, and your nipht
cap to meeting and your husband MouIdn't
know il. You may pick up yout nociet
handkerchief, help yourself to . chair, and
split your shirt across the back reaching
over the table toget piece Of butter, while
he is laying In his breakfast as il it were The
last meal he should eat this side Of Jordan:
when he gets through he wi!laid your diges.
ton, (whlle you are sippiDg your first cup
Of Coffee BY inquifing what you'll have
for dinner, whether the cold lamb was al
ate yesterday, whether the charcoal is out,
and what you gave for the last green tea
you bought. Thenhe gels up from the Ia
Bile, lights his cigar with The last evening's
paper, that you have not had chance 10
read, gives you two or three whiffs Of smoke,
sure to give you the headache FOR the after
noon, and just as his coat tail is vanishing
through the door, spologizes for not doing
that Grand for you yesterday--;hinks he,
can't to-day--8o pressed qbith bilsiaees.'--
Hear ,oi him at II o'clock, taking an ice
cream with some ladies' at Vintons, while
you are at home new lining his coat sleeves.
Children by the ears all day; can't get out
to take the air; feel as crazy as u fly in q
drum; husband comes home at night, nodsA
'how-d'ye do, Fam, boxes Cllarley's ears,
stands little Fanny upin the corner, sits
down in the cusiest chair, in the warmest
corner, puts his feet up over the crate, shut
ting out all the fire, while the baby's little
pug nose grows blue with the cold; reads the
newspapers all 10 himself, solaces his inner
man with hot cup Of tea, and just as you
are laboring under the hallucination that he
will ask you 10 take a mouthful Of fresh air
with him.. he puts on his dressing gown and
slippers, and begins TO reckon up the fami-
ly expenses! alter which he lies down on
the sofa, and you keep time with your nee.
die, while he snorrs till nine o'clock. Next
morning, ask him to leave you "a little mon
lSyt hS iOohS ~ lou oS ~ W w ouhO tuos yUu
are in your right mind, draws sigh long
enoughand strong enough to initiate a pair
Of bellows, and asks you what yon want Of
liz, and il half a dollar won't do Gracious
king as if all those little shoes, and stock
ings, and pilafores. and petticoats could be
had for half dollar! Oh, girls! set your
affections on cats, poodles, parrots, or lap
ldogs, but let matrimony alone. It's the
aardestway on earth Of getting q living
you never know when your work is done up
Think Of carrying eight or nine children
through the measles, chicken.pox, rash,
mumps, and scarlet fever, some Of ,em
twice over; il makes my sides ache 10 think
of it. Oh. you may scrimp and save. and
twist and turn, and dig and delve, and econ
omize, and die, and your husband will mar
ry again, take what you've saved to dress
bis second wife with, and she'll take your
portrait for fire board, and--but what's the
use Of lalking2 I'll warrant every one of
you'll Try ii, the first chance you get; there's
sort OF beipiehment about il, somehow.
wish one half the world wsrn't fools. and
tt'othsr hulf idiols. lido. Oh, DEAR
0lipc Branch.