Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1852-08-27

That amiable lady Fanny Fern, the famous con-
-;hator 70 the Oliue Branch lets herself out alter
the following fashion. on /" Handsome Men,
mercy on us! what a double and twlstee 1901 :
,.os - marry a handsome man! He never finds
snare minute to adore me- because he is all the lime
adoring himself never could see the necessity Vi
beauty in man. For woman might as Wen cut
her throat and be done with it if she isn't pretty
hut if a man has fine, well made ngnre' ana IS
gentleman in bis manners, that's enough, provided
Re- neither souin.s nor smokes, nor sWears anc
knows enough to hold an umbrella over iadys
bonnet without giving her all the drippngs IA rare
masculine accomplishment
"Now my husband, Sam Jones, has beauty enough
for dozen Of men, and what's more ne knows IL
He spends one half of his time at the glass; and the
other half in making eyes at the women Couldn't
I be the death of him If we go out to walk, every
body saws, what handsome fellow! How came he
to marry such dowdy little wife! CHATS pleas
antD / haven't closet in the house that isn't
numbered up with his superauous rattle-traps.--
Checked, striped and plai pants, double and single
breasted vests of every color and shape; boots and
pumps without limit smoking caps, dressing gowns
revolving Shirts with dckies plaid on one slde white
on the other made for dress or travelling with ae-
commodatng bosoms to suit all emergencies; eau de
Cologne. Jockey club Macassar OIL curling tongs,
scented shaving SOAP whisker dye and score more
of fooleres than have neither time nor place to
mention.
| "rm never sure what the man is about! it takes
me all my time to look after him, and then get aw-
fullv humbugged and that puts me in mind to in
ouire PRIVATELY about that new club he has join
| ed Don't believe word of it! Clubs don't meet
every night in the week, Samivel!
.Next to clubs, hate widows. They are the We
~! I've hearn the heather called benlghted;
| they've sense enough to burn widows when their
husbands die-and that's step further in civiliza-
ton than we've taken. There's nothing like EN-
If they make up their minds to marry man. it's
DONE | know one that was terribly afraid of thun-
der and lightning and every time q storm came up
she would run into Mr.. Smiths house, (he was a
widower,) and clasp her little hands, and fly a
round till the man half distracted for fear she
would get killed and the consequence was. she was
Mrs John Smith before three thunder storms had
ratified over her head. Wasn't that diplomatic?
Then there's that little blue-eyed Widow Wilk-
ms. Didn't she drop her prayer book coming out Of
church. for my handsome husband to pick up 2
And didn't see him squeeze her hand when he
handed it back to her And when told him long
rigmaroe of story, going home, to divert his mind
from the little MINK didn't he answer yes and mo-,
at random, and laugh in the wrong place. And
didn't he the next morning put salt in his Coffee and
sugar on his beefsteak
"And won't she be Samivel Jones, No. 3? Answer
me that | should like to cut her up into inch
pieces with a dull jack-knif
:: But it's no to struggle against fate. | shall
have to put my pride in my pocket and tell Samive
it is my request that be should marry her when
am gone. and that will pull wool ) over peoples
eyes, and save his credit, for he'll have her if
earthquake should be the consequence
':Tts astonishing widows will be so indicate a
to doff their weeds. It's nothing less thar
a walking advertisement for another husband Mrs
Lee spending short time at the Shore i,
her new regimentals, when of the ladies at thu
tea table, stru, with sudden thought, said ver
nnocently-' BY the way, Mrs. Lee, where is you
husband? g I should have been very sorry to hav
told where thought he was for the way he used t.
swear when he talked awful to mention
. Now what glorious example I'd be to the sex
if Providence should see fit to make widow!
6 wonder if Samivel will pop off should hate to pu
= my curs behind my ears but I'd do it. and wou
mt so much as look at man unless it Tom Cling
: Wonder if he'd marry mea Well there now!
= have spoken in meeting 1t can't be helped now
as Deacon Smith said. when his daughter surprise
: him kissing Widow It's natur, Sally it
natu