Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, South-Carolina) 1852-1852, 1852-02-06

tween her fingers. | would have kissed them u
wav but dared not, and waited with a swell
inc heart for her emotions to subside. Present.
she grew little calmer.
"You will soon find friends to love YOU, Allah
dinna forget me, dinna forget jeanne" and now
she fairly sobbcd. aloud, carried away by the vio-
lencc of her feelings which were utterly beyond
control, and my agony may be easily imagined.
believed that it was | who was the sufferer,
that alone was to endure the grief and sorrow.
What was my astonishment mingled with pain
and pleasure, to see that my parting was Of such
consequence to her that it could so pain her.
l tried, incoherently enough l doubt not, to
comfort her, and found myself seated on the
grey stone with her beautiful head leaning on
my shoulder. and my arm claspcd around her
waist.
She still wcpt, and my head swan with con-
fusion of images and thoughts that were as vague
and indefinite as if they were tie offspring of de-
lirium.
Mere children as we both were, We felt acutely
the pain of losing each others presence and We
poured out our mutual sorrowS with q funess
that left nothing to confess except that We loved;
lONcu VIII liiill NOutlHui
annihates time and space.
Perhaps after all we only believed we loved.
Even that is something. We can forget the
pain, the Joy, the rapture, and the deusire dream
inss of his first love-time? Who can forget,
even if he would that nature and women were
to him as, perhaps, they never were before Who
does not know the almost fierce violence Of
boyish love-its imperious nature; its grotesque
and perfect seltshness its absolute fcrocity, in
manner when its flaming and soul-coosuming
jealousy happens by chance to be awakened l
do we'll
Thus loved Jeanie with violence that ter
rified her. She herself was calm, pale, and spoke
but little after having made her dear confession.
| was wild and vehement and kneeling at her
feet with her hands in mine, my face turned up
to hers l poured forth every secret of my heart
with sort Of prodigalhy that savored much of
cgotism. What Of that? If ever living being
was ever honest in his VOW was then.
left Jeanie and home-the former most re-
grettcd- land was absent for some ten years at
least, without having once returncd-ten long
years.
We corresponded-Jeanie and lat first re-
gularly. then less frequently, and at last, know
not how, some five years had passed, since heard
from her, and / said to myself resignedly, "l cs,
she has forgotten me-shc is fathercss-she is
welded to anothsr;' and, after 4 momentary
pang of regret, said to myself, BE it Sol will
forget her entirely" and thus was in world
of attraction, excitement, and amusement, and
home lost Its charms.
R,,t I ,.,s ,Il,,oJ 20 4,,r, p,,- fano hnnnU1r1
at last Nv father had died suddenly of appo-
plcxv. and I was his heir He was buried two
months before | could return and when did so,
it WIS with sucL mingled feelings of sorrow and
hope that could not analyzc them.
The first few days passed over without my
seeing Jeanne. learned that she had grownnp
pale thin, but very beautiful young woman-
that she was not married, and the old love spras
up in my heart with renewed force.
/ heard too, that she was parcntless and poor,
and had been forced to 60 into the service OF 4
farmer, some little distance of, who was very
willing to marry her, and then all my Jealous
passions We're aroused up.
If needed 40 other proof than this that my
affections We're not dead, 1t WIS sufficient; hut
without having determined what course to pur-
sue, intended to see her and learn from her own
lips, the reason Of her silence.
1t was on an afternoon just such another as
the one on which left her moro than ten years
ago, that / started from my statcllcr home, to
meet with Jcanic without her having any intl-
nation of it.
Bv inquiries | had mahc, | knew the exact
spot almost as well us the time she would pass
Il certain lone spot returning from market town
Il few miles off, WHITTIER she had been sent by her
master.
arrived at the spot considerable time be-
fore her, and took my position in the lonely glen
whittier | should observe her before her seeing
me. There ] waited with 4 gathering inpatcncc
/ saw at last with wearicd step, and an ap-
pcarancc of bodily lassitude that agonzcd me-
that once beautiful girl approaching. She was
changed, much changed indeed and thought
the rcnorSe then felt was like Il knife i'll my
bosom. She was poorly clad, thin, very pale, III
most white, and there was Il joylcss dcSpairlng
expression in her face that haunted me formany
long day after. 1t WAS more like despair than
resignation, and shrank from that meek and sad
face.
| had seen many fair face since had seen
hers lust had tnhcd with many beauty IN
my time and then kncw-knew weIl-tlEat l
had gradually cooled, and neglected, and forgot
ten her, and the secret OF our broken corrcSpon-
dcncc, begun with silence and nattentIon on my
part, had wasted her soul and body, and that III
addition to all this heart-brcakng, came loss OF
parents, poverty and a darkcning OF hope.
went like child rs she sat to rest on stone,