Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1845-1854, 1852-08-04
A Whisper to Gentlemen.
BY FANNY FERN.

4 " 1 -
Jupiter Ammon don't / ieish / soas
nanJ just to show the nasclines how to
play their part in the world little better?
In the first place, there amt mothers son
of you that has got as far as A B in the
art of making love, tand I've seen a few
abort;ons in that way myself, as well as the
rest of the dear sisters.) What woman
wants to be told that "her feet and eyes are
pretty" or cher form and smile bewitch-
ing Just as if she didn't know all her
fine points, as soon as she istall enough to
peep into alooking-glass!
No, you ineffable donkey, if you must
use the small coin of fattery, to pay toll at
the bridge of her affections, let me whisper
secret in yourlong ears. Compliment her.
upon some mental attraction she does not
possess, (if you can find oneD and don't
wear the knees of your pet pants threadbare
at her feet, trying to make her believe that
she is your first love We all know that
is among the things that were, after you
were out Of your jacket and trowsers
What splendiferous husband Fan.
ny should make, to be sure!s had Provi-
dence only ordained it! Do you suppose
when the mother of my glorious boys want
ed a sixpence to buy their shoe strings, I'd
scowl at her like byena, and pull my
porte monaie out Of my pocket as if l were
pulling tooth !? Do you suppose, when
her blue eyes grew hstreless, and the rose
paled on her fair cheek, trotting around
the domestic tread mill day after day, that
I'D come home a, night, sulky and silent,
and smoke my cigar in her face till her eyes
were as red as rabbits, or take myself off
to club or a game of ninepins, or any
other game, and leave her to the exhilerat-
ing relaxation Of dafning my stockings? Z
Do You suppose l'd trot along like loose
pony at her side, in the street, and leave her
to keep up with me or not as her strength
would permit? Do you suppose I'd fly into
a passion, and utter words to crush the life
from out her young heart, and then insult
her by offering her a healing plaster in the
shape of a new bonnet? And don't you
suppose that when fhe anniversary Of our
wedding-day came around, I'd write a
dainty little note and leave it on ber toilet
able, to let her know was still married
lover.
Pshawl I'm sick Of You all You don't
deserve the love Of q generous, high-souled
woman! If you want a housekeeper, hire
one and be done with it. If you want
wife-but you don't!
One woman will answers as wen as an
other, to sew on your buttons, and straps,
and strings. and make your puddings, and
$50 on, and SO forth. 49, I, =ss5ztss -
Do you suppose we hays cultivated our
minds, and improved the bright and glori--
GUS gift Of intellect, TO tbs best of our ca
pacity, to minister only 10 your physical
wants? Nota bit Of it. When that's over,
we want something rational Do you ever
thick Of that. you selfish wretch, when you
sit with your feet upon the mantle piece.
reading the newspaper all to yourself, OF sit
from tea-time till ten O'clock, staring the
ashes in the CRATE out of countenance?
Lord Harry! If had such block Of
husband, I'd scare up the ghost Of lover,
somewhere, if there's any wit in woman!