Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1852-09-29
GETTING INTO A TIGHT PLACE.

During the brush between "Uncle oam,
and The "Britishers," regiment was raised
in Canada, called the "King's Own" but was
more properly ncknamed the "DeV'Ps
Own" its adven. in place being more
dreaded than an incursion from Yankeedom.
The officers kept up the Satanic fame OF
their corps with commendabe spirit, The
"pilIar" being Ensign DE. He was the
most consumma,e practical joker IN Inc
army, and his messmales held him IN awe
in consequence Of The repeated success OF
of his tricks upon them. After an outrage
ous affair which nearly cost the lives OF two
or three Of his comrades, it was resolved 10
retaIiale at the earliest opportunity, which
soon offered.
The regiment, on the march to the IRON
tier, bivouacked in The vicinity of L'Acsdle
1t then became a question Of some import
to know how the mess-table was 10 be gar
niShed. One suggested a very common
expedent among both officers and men, VIZ,
visit 10 some neighboring hen coop
Another Immediately added that, at about a
mile from the encampmenl, he had noticed
an old lady feeding same pretty plump geese.
''Lel's have 'em by all mcans,' cried
DE.
The party sailed out, and on reaching
the old lady's premises, Reconnaissance
showed the geese were penned IN under
one Of those ovens which the generality ol
Canadians build near their houses, instead
of baking their bread as in this country.
"Who'll crawl in ?" came TO be the ques-
ton.
"D'E-wiH; he understands the business,
and is the smallest chap among U.S." said
one of the party. .
"Cer.ainIy," cried the Ensign, who al.
ways sought distinction in exploits OF the
kind; ~ will, bu. some of you must 60 to
The house and entertain The old woman so
she may not interrupt my operations.
DE, although sIigh, man, had TO exert
his utmost strength in order to squeeze him
self half through The little door of The pen.
"Now," be cried, warding off the attack
of bIIigerant old goose "run 10 to the
old woman" /.
And they did run in.
"Madam Madam - they cried-"theres
fellow stealing your geese! Come qule2
quick ~ 49,
The old lady flew to the chimney-corS\
seized her broom-s'ic end sailed TO . :
prise the Ensign in the hottest Of his 'ussle
with his (erocious antagonist, the aIch-
al geese. She instantly proceeded 10 inlI
mate her presence bv dealing The lrespasser
terrific blow, the full force of which fell
upon the exposed part with unrestricted el-
feet. as he had on his 'she'I jacket" only.
"Hel!o, there! Stop that, you fools-you
hurln' shouted the officer.
"Hah, you rascal" the unfortunate wo-
man shrleked 'III teach you to rob poor
lone widder of her lorlul properly" and she
applied her weapon 10 The Gu priI with re-.
doubled energy.
.'Murder ~ yelled The Ensign.
"Thsl's it," whispered captain who
owed DE, grudge of long standing. Give
it to The fellow" he added, paling her en-
couragingy on The shoulder.
Ough-murder: Murder-r-r-r-r yell
ed the depredator.
"Srike lower, my good woman,'' said
The vindiclive captain, with as much cool
ness as if he were uperlnlendlng military
foggng.
The injunction was implicitly followed.
DE. roared with pain, and made superhu-
man efforts TO eXlrcate himself. His COM
rades, all but the inexorabe captain, were
rolling upon the grass, convulsed with
laughter.
'I'II give you guinea if you'll Stop"
cried the Ensign.
.I'II give YOU two-go it," whispered the
captain, urging her on.
She resumed The csstigation with blow
that sent The broomsllck flying in two pieces.
DE. grew desperate, and with the yell OF
ii Mohawk he escaped-a goose in each
hand
He feasted alone upon the booty that
NIGHT, but the others were too delighted TO
COMPLAIN of a slim mess in consequence.
Collage Ga=eHe.
A PRECocIoUs CHiEL.-A short time
since, juvenile offender was brought be-
fore one of the Glasgow baIlies, who, after
reading lecture TO the lad, put The follow
ing interroga,ory:
"Where did you learn SO much wicked
ness?
The youth, personifying innocence, with
an inquiring look, replied:
"Do ye ken The pump-well in Glassford
street."
"No," said the baiIie.
L .,oI