Richmond daily times. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1853, 1852-04-21


Safe motionless; while in my hand l
Held my Doctrina Pacitandi.
And though never read page in It
Thanks to that shrewd, well-judgng agent,
My sisters husband MI. Shark,
Soon got six pupils and clerk.
Five pupils were my stint, the other
took to compliment his mother.''
This piece Of autobiography seems to be ad-
mlrable for its neatness and point, its humor and
its good-humor. The termination of the poem
is trial of matchless pleasantly between john
a-Gall and John-a- Gudgeon, for an assault at an
election. | transcribe the commencement and
part of the opening speech, piece of legal COM
medy which will make its way even with the least
learned reader:
JOHN -A-GULL,
oHs.A c: IN i'7spaSs'
For the Plaintiff, Mr.. Counsellor Bother'um.-
Fo the Defendant, Mr. Counsellor Bore'um.-Mr.
bother'um opens the pleadings. His speech at
length:
81 rise with pleasure, assure We,
With transport to accost jury
vi your known conscientious feeling,
CandOr and honorable dealing,
From Middlesex* discreetly chosen,
"a worthy and an upright dozen,)
This action, gentlemen, is brought
By John-a-Gudgeon for a tort
Our French will serve US for this legal word
which is l suppose, old Norman French, pro-
nounced English-wise but signifying wrong, as
one might guess from the modern tongue
s'By John-a- Gudgeon for tort;
The peadings state that J ohm a. Gull,
With envy, wrath, and malice full,
With swords, knives, sticks, slaves, fists, and
bludgeon,
Beat, bruised and wounded John-a "a Gudgeon.'''
This prodlglous accumulation of weapons, as
well as the "tweve pots, twelve mugs" and SO
forth, to which we are coming, is an imitation of
the real law fct;ons and endless repetitions
which result from the circumstance of nothing
being allowed to be proven at a trial that has not
been named in the indictment, whereas there is
no rule to compel the proof of more than the
counsel think essential to the cases. it is, there
fore, really usual to provide against all contin-
gencies by enumeratirg far more particulars than
are likely to be brought forward. Lawyers will
best feel the satire, but all can enjoy the fun
s'First counts for that with divers Jugs,
10 wit, twelve potts. twelve cups, twelve mugs,
Of certain vulgar drink, called toddy.
Said Gull did sluice said Gudgeon's body.
The second counts for other toddv
Thrown by said Gull on Gudgeon's body;
To wit, his gold-laced hat and hair on,
And clothes which he had then and there on:
To wit, twelve jackets, twelve surtouts,
Twelve pantaloons, twelve pair of boots.
Which did thereby much dscompose
Said Gudgeon's mouth, eyes, ears and nose
Back, stomach, neck, thighs, feet and toes;
BY which and other wrongs unheard Of.
His clothes spoilt and life despared Of
10 all these counts the plea find,
Is son assault and issues .oined.''
Here our French helps us again, and the COM
mon expression OF joining issue. Now for Coun-
sellor Bother'um's history of the BATTLE The
watery names are very happy:
''Such, gentlemen, is word for word.
The story told on this record.
The fray was at feast or reyel
AT Toadland, on the Bedford Level,
Given, as was usual at elections
By Gudgeon to his Fen connections
They d had meeting at the Swan
The day before the polls began
And hence adjourned to make merry
With Mr.. Coot. who keeps the Ferry
Now John-a-Gull, who thrusts his nose
WhereverJ ohn-a Gudgeon goes,
Tothis same feast, without suspicion,
Unasked, it seems, had gained admission
Coot had just finished an grafton,
And Gudgeon, with much appreciation.
Was singing an election ballad,
Penned by the ingenious Doctor Mallard.
(That orthodox and learned writer,
Who bids so fairly for a mter;)
Mnen Gull, who heard this song or sonnet,
With Mr.. Gudgeon's comments on it;
inns Gull, whose very name denoted
The character for whom he voted
Flourished his knuckles in derison
And, with much promptness of decision:
Began to pommel and belabor
The short ribs of his peaceful neighbor;
But first with tweaks assaed his nose
And nterspersed said tweaks with blows
Gudgeon explained, and Gull recourse had
To other tweaks like tweaks aforesaid
Heaven knows amilder, gentler creature
Never was seen in human nature
Than the forbearing and well-iud ging
Discreet and gentle John.a- Gudg eon!
And, gentlemen there's no mans face is
Better received at all your races
Wells, mouths and water-drinkng places:
Was alderman, and mayor elect
once had the honor to be prcked
FOR sheriff, which important station
He gained without solicitation
No doubt his lordship recognizes
The coat he had on at assizes
velveret, gentee and neat,
With tabby lined and frogs complete
Made for Squire Gudgeon's wedding ball,
When first he came to Webfoot Hall,
An ancient seat in the Isle of Ely,
Where all the Gudgeons live genteelly;
winch coat so trimmed, so frogged, said Gull
DID spoil, besmear, and disannul
W 18th the most villanous libations
VI the most vile of vile rotations;
For proof We'll call CULTS worthy friend,
who keeps school at Toadland's end;
one Simon Trout, pious pastor,
And Dr. Tench, who spread the plaster;
AND farmer Chubb, an honest yeomap,
VINO speaks the truth and cares for no man;
But above all to prove our case,
< las taken by an eminent shorthand writer.
tMlddesex. This being an election ARRAY the
venue is supposed to have been changed upon the
usual affidavit, for the sake of more fair and i'm.
partial trial before Mddesex jure,