The Democratic sentinel and Harrison County farmer. [volume] (Cadiz, Ohio) 1851-1852, 1852-12-01
Way to fix a Tale bearer.
IRON THE ANNALS OF FRoGTowN. I'd

- :,,J ~ s..t.D 10 80. 3-H
why, uncle Josh, you don't pretend to
say that Milles's wife has run off with Bob
Tape, Yardstiek's Clerk do you" -"
Eyes | do, too, haint it been the talk OF
''the neighborhood for year past, that Mil
,ler's wife and tha! feller-Bob TQpe-were
lettle too thicG?"
"Well uncle JOSH" says neghbor Brown,
81 don't recolect anybody saying anything
about it but you, and for my part ! don't be
lieye word Of it.. . ...'' '' '' ~. .'... ~.
/ "Why, haint Miller's wife gone" says
uncle Josh. '.a q.
II don't knows she,"' says Bro wn.
''Because she is; went over to the store
this morning, the first thing, to see if Bob
Tape was about-he wasn't thar-thcy said
he'd gone to Boston Oh business for old
Yardstick. 0, OIL says I, and then | star
ted off for Heeltaps shop, we alters said how
things would turn out He was out--seein'
me 60 to the shop, he came runnin and says
he: 'Uncle josh, they're gone, sure enough!
I've bee over to old Nanny Gabbles, and
she sent her Suke over to Miller's onpretence
Fof borrowin' some lard, but told Suke TO
look. around and see if Miller'S wife wur
about; by Nebbynezer, Miller's wife wur
gone Marin Cables couldn't rest, SO she
sent back Suke, and told her to ask the
children where their Marin was; Miller hear
ing Suke, ordered her TO scoot, so Suke left
with out hearn the facts of the case, as
Squire Black says But Heeltap swears
and | know MilIer's wife and Bob Tape
have sloped, as they say in the papers" q.
"WelI,'" says Brown, '1'm sorry if it's
true, don't believe word of it though,
and as tits none Of my business, shall have
nothing to say about it, "'
! Uncle Josh was one of those inordinate
pests which almost every village, town and
hamlet in the country is more or less accur
sed with, lie wasa great tall, bony, sharp
fnosed, grinning genius, who, being in pos
session of a large farm, with plenty of boys
and girls to work it, did not do anything
buteat, sleep, and lounge around; agatherer
of scan mag, news and scadal monger, a
great guesser and strong s,tspicioner of ev-
| rybody's motives and intentions, and Of
course. never imputed a good motive. or
movement to anybody. .
| ou'yc seen those wretches, male and fe-
male, haven't you, dear reader? Such peo-
| pie are great nuisances-half the discun-
forts of life are bred by them; they contanli-
nate and poison the air they breath with
| ther noisome breath, Ike the odor Of the
4 Upas tree. Uncle Josh had annoyed many
he was the dread and disgust of seven
eighths of the town he lived in. iic caused
more quarrels, smutlcd more characters, and
created mare il-feeling between friends,
neighbors and acquaintance than all else be-
sides in the community Of Frogtown. Uncle
Josh was voted great bore by the men, and
a sneaking, mcdlmg old granny by the wo-
men. So at last the young women Of the
town did agree that the very next time un-
Gle Josh carried, concocted, or circulated any
slanderous or otherwise mischie vous stores,
that they would duck him in the mil-race.
/ Now, Brown-old Mr.. Brown--was the
very anLipode Of Uncle Josh; he was always
for taking matters and things by the smooth
est handle. Mr. Bown never told tales,
backbited, or Sian dered anybody; every
body had . good word to say about Mr..
Brown, and Mr. Brown had good word to
say about everybody. The gals thought it
prudent to give old Mister Brown an inkling
Of their plans in regard TO the disposition
they intended to make Of Uncle Josh; the old
man laughed and told them to 60 ahead,
and TO duck old josh, and perhaps they
would reform him. ''- 10 ''.4. ,a.
@t"Now, gals" said old Mr.. Brown, Gun
Gle Josh has Just this very day been at his
dirty work; by this time he has spread the
news all over the town, that Millcr's wife had
gone off with Yardstick's clerk. ! don't
believe single word Of his tale, and if Mil
lcr's wife amt really gone off, Uncle Josh
ought TO be soused in the Inill-race." q z.
Next morning Miller,s wife came home;
she had been down to q sister a few miles
off, to soc sick child; her husband had
been away attending to alaw suit, in neigh
boring town; and so Mllernor his wife knew
tnothing of the report Of her elopemeat with
Bob Tape until their return. t.+3%t 244
Miller was in rage but couldn't find out
'Ithe author of the report. Miller's wife was
deeply mortified THAT such 81 suspicion
Should arise Of her, she had been making
Bob Tape some new clothes to go to Boston
I'm, and here was the gst of Bob and Mil
Iler's wife sintimcy! There was a gret time
about it; Miller swore like trooper, and
his wife nearly cried her eyes out .'"N a
A few evenings afterwards, it being clear
cold weather in October, Polly Higgins and
Sally Smith called to see Miller's wife, and
asked her to Join them ina little party that
some Of the neighboring women had got up
that evening, for a particular purpose
i MilIer's wife not having much to do that
evening, Her husband said she nIigHgo out
a spellif she chose, and she went and termed
the 1purport Of. the call--old Uncle Josh was
to be tucked in the mill race! and miller's
wife, disguised as tie rest, was to do it,
: When She heard thah old Josh had circula-
: thd the report Of her clopement, Millsr's
f wife did not reqnire much coaxing to Join
+ the watering committee. '. t'.-i1.s." .'"
II was SO planned that all the women,
some ten oritwelve in number, were TO put
on mems clotes and lay in wait for Uncle
Josh at his lahc gate, about a quarter OF .
! mile from the min race. Old Josh always
hung around the tavren, Hceltap's shoe store,
Or the grocery, until 8 p. Nj, before lid started
home, and the girls determined to rush out
f Of a small thcket thatstood close by old
j jobs lane gate and throwing Il lsrge, stont
sheet over 6is head, neck, and keels hurry
/. him off to the uill-race, and duck him well.
Mind you, your country gals and women are
flnot paint and powder, orset-laced and fra
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