The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1852-03-09
REAI. I.lrE-A HIT AT HUSBANDS.

REAL BIZ LA III Al HUSBAND
The following Is one of the best things that we
have met with for a long time. We fear, more
over, that IL contains more truth fhan poetry, al
though, of course, there are exceptions ne au-
thor evidently has had some experience IN Tue may
rmoniaI line and while this sketch Is true to the life
in MANY particulars it Is quite possible tnat the
other side would furnish very amusing and In
structiye picture Albany Express.
AUNT HErTY on MATRIMoNY.
Now. girls, said Aunt Hetty, put down your en-
broidery and worstsd work. do something sensible
and stop building air castles and talking of lovers
and honey. moons IL makes me SICK It's perfectly
antinoniai. Love is farce-matrimony is hum
bus. husbands are domestic Napoleons, Neroes Al
exanders signing for other hearts to conquer after
they are sure of yours The honeymoon ia az short
lived az luciter match after that you may wear
your wedding dress at The wash tub. and your nj ht
cap to meeting, and your husband would mt know
it You may pick up your own pocket handker-
CHIEF, help yourself to chair, and split your gown
across the back reaching over the table to get a
piece OF butter, while he is laying in his breakfast
if it the last meal he should eat in this world
when he gets through he will aid your digeation,
(while you are slipping your first cup of cotfee) by
inquiring what you'll have for dinner, whether the
cold lamb all ate yesterday if the charcoal Is
all out and what you gave for the last green tea you
bought. Then he gets up from the table, lights his
cigar with the last evening paper that you have
not had chance to read; gives two or three whiffs
of smoke. to give you headache for the after
noon and just his coat tail is vanishing through
the door, apologies for not doing that errrand'
for you yesterday-thinks 1t doubtful II he can TO-
day" so pressed with business" Hear of him st l
O'Clock, taking an ice cream with some ladies at
Vntons while you are at home new lining his coat
sleeves. Children by the all day, can't get out
to take the air, feeas crazy as Fly in drum hus-
bar comes home at night, mods show dye do,
Fam ~ boxes Charley's ears, stands little Fanny in
the corner, sits down in the easiest chair in the
warmest corner, put his feet up over the CRATE,
shutting out all the fire. while the baby's little pug
nose grows blue with the cold reads the newspa
per all to himself solaces his inner man with hot
cup of tea, and just you are laboring under the
haucinaion that he will ask you to take mouthtul
of fresh air with him. he puts on his dressing gown
and slippers and begins to reckon up the family
penses after which he lies down on the sofa, and
you keep time with your needle, while he SHORES
til. nine O'Clock Next morning ask him to leave
you "a little money he looks at you if to be
that you are in your right mind, draws sigh long
enough and strong enough to initiate pair of BEL
lows, and asks you what you want with it. and if
half dollar wont do" Gracious king as if those
little shoes, and stockings, and pettcoats could be
had for half dollar Oh, girls set your affections
cats, poodes, parrots or lapdogs-tut let matri.
monyalone. It's the hardest way on earth of get
ting ahving-you neTer know when your work is
done up. Think of carrying eight or nine children
through the measles, chicken pox, rash, mumps,
and scarlet fever some of em twice over; it makes
my head ache to think of it. Oh, you may scrimp
and save, and twist, and turn, and dig and delve
and economist AND DIE, and your husband will
marry again. and take what you have saved to dress
his second wife with, and she'll take your portrait
for afire-board; but what's the use of talking? III
warrant every of you'll try it, the first chance
you get there's sort of bewtchment about it
somehow. | wish onehaf of the world warns
FOOLS and t'other half idiots, do. Oh, dear
OliUe Branch