Baton-Rouge gazette. [volume] (Baton-Rouge, La.) 1819-1856, 1852-12-04
Fern Leaves.
BY FANNY FERN.

feiky--Tor girls to expect to be harp
without marriage. Every woman ia mad
for mother; consequently babies are d
necessary to their peace of mind a
health. If you wish TO look at melanchol
and Indigestion, look at az old maid
you would take reep at sunshine, loo
in the face Of young mother.
| Now, aC0n't stand that I'm an oil
maid myself, aud I'm nsither melanchol
nor indiges,ibIe. My piece Of mind In
going 10 give you I'm minnte) and
never want to touch baby, except will
a pair of tongs. Young mothers an'
sunshine" Worn to fddIing strings be
fore they are twenty-five. When an ol'
lover turns up, he thinks he sees his grand
mother instead of the dear little Mary wh'
used to make him feel as If lie shoul'
crawl out of the toes of his boots. Yes
| my mind is quite made mp about matri
mony; but as TO 'l,abes --sometimes
think aud then again don't kuow.-but
OH the whole, | believe ] consider them {
d--~-cided humbng! It is a one-sidet
partnership. this marriage! the wife cast.
up all the accounts.
Husband gets up in the mo,nng ant
pays his 'deU0urs' TO the looking-glass
curIs his fne head Of hair puts on an i'm
macuIate shirt BOSOM ties an excr,,ciatine
cravat. sprinkes his handkerchief with
Cologne, slows away French roll, al
egg, and cup Of coffee, gets into the ON
nibus, looks slantingly at the pretty girls
and makes love between the pauses oil
business during the forenoon generally
Wife must Theoretically seal the windows
and exclude all the fresh air, because the
baby had the 'snuffies' in the night, and
sits gasping down to the table more dead
than alive to finish her breakfast Tom
my turns cup Of coffee down his bosom,
Jnliana has torn off the string of her
school bonnet, James wants his geogra.
phy covered, Eliza can. find her satchel,
the butcher wants to know if she'd like a
oint of mutton. the miIkman would like
his money, the ice man wants to speak TO
her Just a nlinute,' the baby swallows a
bean, husband sends the boy home from
the store to say his partner will dine with
him, the cook leaves 'all flying to go to
her sisters dead baby's wake and hus-
bands thin coat MUST be ironed before
noon. Sunshine aud young mother s. ---
Where's my smelling bottle?
Woman! she requires no eulogy'
Lucky they don't. they wouldn't get it
from me; I've had enough of 'em have.
I've crossed over to the 'Philistines,' and
much as ever I dare to speak TO one of
them lest he should be lover or husband to
some Of those vragoes. Just cross the
track once Of some female friend (?) either
In toue or literature. Hornets aud nettles.
the way you'll get demolished. not that
they won't smile OH you just the same; OH.
yes! but wait until your back is turned
if the dissecting.knile of friendship don t
take you to pieces till your mental skele-
ton is an anatomical curiosity, set me down
for fool. The book you wrote will be
miserable and uhfeminine.--they disap-
prore yoatr style entirely, ten to one, at
the very time they are trying poor tns,-
tatiou of 1t themselves. Then Just let
EN- catch you looking at gentleman they
have 'mentally appropriated, they'll com
pass heaven and earth but they u put their
foot on your presuning neck Now, I
know | shall get my eyes scratched out for
this, but never mind. I'm used TO it, in
tact, it's pleasant little excitement
There's TOO many acoscen IN tue 1oorla by
--llaf.. there amt room enough for EN-,
unless Congress 'annexes' the moon
Each one wants world Of hearts TO her
SELF and il stands to reason they can't
have it, and what's more they slsant while
Tn about! Ferns are salt to be green,
but | know better! Some of 'em are blue,
and they are rank poison to some people,
too, unless they let EN- alone