Wisconsin tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1847-1854, 1852-08-12
4 Whisper to Gentlemen.
BY FANNY FERN.

man, Just to show the maSculInes how tC
play their part In the world a little bet
ter! In the first place. there amt q
mothers son of you that has got as far as
A b Z IN the art Of making love, land I've
seen few abortions in that way, myself
as well as the rest of the sistersl What
woman wants to be told that s.her feet
and eyes are pretty" or, "her form and
smile bewltchiug2" Just as if she didn't
k710zC all her fine points as soon as she is
tall enough to peep into looking glass.
No, you ineffabe donkey, if YOU must
use the small coin of fattery to pay toll
at the bridge of her affections, let me
whisper a secret in your long years Com
plIment her upon some mental attraction
she does not possess, (if you can find one y
and don't wear the knees of your net
pants thread bare at her feet trying to
make her believe that she is your first love.
We all know that is among the things that
were, after you are out of your jacket and
trowsers.
What aSplcndgcr0uS husband I FANNY
should made, to be sure had Providence
so ordained it. Do you suppose when the
mother of my glorious boys wanted a
sixpence to buy their shoe strings. I'd
scowl at her like hyena, and pull my
portemonnaie out of my pocket as if l
were drawing a tooth Do you suppose.
when her blue eyes grew lustreless, and
the rose paled on her fair cheek, trotting
round the domestic tread-mill day after
day, that I'd come home at night sulky
and silent, and smoke a cigar in her face
till her eyes were as red as a rabbits? or
take myself of club or a game of nine
pins, or any other game, and leave her to
the exhilaratiug relaxation of darning my
stockings
Do you suppose I'd trot along, like a
loose poney at her side, in the street, and
leave her to keep up with me or not, as her
strength would permit2 Do you suppose
I'd fly into passion and utter words to
crush the life from out her young heart.
and then insult her by offering her a heal.
ing plaster in the shape of new bonnet
And don't you suppose when the anniver-
sary of our wedding day came round, I'd
write a dainty little note and leave it on
the table, to let her know | was still a
married lover2
Pshaw I'm sick of you all You don't
deserve the love Of a generous high -sOuled
woman If you want a housckeeper, hire
one; and done with it. Ifyou want wife
but you don't
One woman will answer as we'll as an
other, to sew on your buttons, and straps,
and strings. and make your pudding, and
so on, aud so forth.
Do you suppose we have cultivated our
minds and improved the bright aud glo-
Of tD i,a haz ,f
capacity. to minister only to your physic-
al wants Not bit of it When that's
over we want something rational Do you
ever think of that you selfish wretch
when you sit, with your feet on the man
tle-piece, reading the newspaper all to
yourselfor sit from tea time till ten o clock,
staring the ashes in the CRATE out of count
enance
Lord Harry If I had such block of a
husband, I'd scare up the ghost of lover
somewhere,if there's any wit IN a woman
\ scene very amusing to the bye-stand-
ers, but quite painful to the participants,
occurred in Cambridge, Mass, on Sunday
A young lady accompanied by her second
mice young man." was riding quietly
through the streets in that place, when a
gentleman in a buggy drove up at tre-
mendous rate, jumped from his vehicle,
seized the ladys companion by the throat,
and demanded instant satisfaction from
him for having dared to ride out with his
lady. The second" young man demurred
at such ungentlemanly treatment, where
upon he was severely horse-whipped by his
infuriated antagonist, who declared that
I, 20 laly
not stand any such treatment The lady
seeing how matters stood, terminated the
unpleasant affair by getting into the car
riage of her intended. The individual
who was whipped departed from the spot,
deep curses on the head of the
fortunate possessor of the fair one, and de-
claring that he would institute legal pro-
ceedings.
~ An Englishman aud Frenchman
were travelling by railroad. They were
alone in the same car. The Frenchman,
always polite, asked permission to smoke
his companion made no reply, drew cigar
from his pocket and smoked also. At the
first station
Sir said the Frenchman, your crayat
is all awry'
The Englishman silently arranged his
cravat
A little farther Sir said the French
man your cap is falling off
The Englishman without even saying
thank you secured his cap.
\ few minutes after .Ah, sir cried
the Freuchman, take care, the hot ashes
have fallen On your collar, they may burn
your coat
We'll, sir, let me alone, replied the
Englishman. you have been burning this
half hour, and I didn't bother you about
it,
John, inquired dominic of hopeful pupil,
what Is nailor7
A man who makes nails, said John.
Very good. What Is tailor7
One who makes tails
o, you stupid fellow, said the dominic biting his
lips A man who makes tails
les, master, returned John, if the tailor did not
put tails to the coats he made, they would be jack
cts,
The dominic recollected that he had business out