Union beacon. (Macon, Miss.) 1849-1859, 1852-03-10
'MlsGELLANY
Short Patent Sermon.

/ the following text.
o. steep my fee' in boiIin. cil,
Cr put me on he rack,
Bn' save me. While arry here,
From yonder woman's clack
My hearers perhaps we male
morIols ougfn not, generally speak
ing, trag much about our faculties
1 for restraining hal snnrnly member
called The tongne, but do think tha,
i women hive no good reason lo
say anything for, if we are lncom-
petelt IN a certain degree, women
most certainly are in very uncer
tain degree. Their tongues are
reeds shaken by the wind spin,ers
upon chestnut rail, that keeps up
buzzirg and jarrine SD long as
there is breath to move them. -
The least breeze of passion that
springs up in their bos' ms, sets their
j mill clacks in operation, and as for
stopping them, yon might as well
flre pop gun aJainst thunder, or
blow hand bellows agnns, hur>
4 rIcane. They will talk like a poll
pa rutt, merely for the sake Of the
Z Noise, aid giving them credit for
no evil lnlenllon) they perse we're IN
Jabbering, without once reflecting
THAT, whai is music to them is mur.
y der TO others. Oh, woman! wo~
man! why art thou gifted with such
glsrniic powers II gah2 Thon
i y Uildst be an angel, hadst thou an
jas.',S --ssisss.ts- -. 7..-.sa.-zss
NV. frends--I have been speak
!. ing IF woman as who'e, as regards
their noisy lcqpaciousn' SIS, there are
many beu'.sfh exceptions, know
some whosetVstds have fine fur in
stead Of hog's hair upon them -
whose tones are as snll aud musical
os as the mild btea'hlnes of the
Kolian harp, 10 whomstt is soothing
: 10 listen, and whose society Is as
sunshine 10 storm~beaten flower.
But, oh !! make my bed under tin.
ned roof during a night of ncessanl
hail place forty tom cats at my
window all in full teatnel,' (but |
should have said) for a row bid me
de liver an Impressive discourse in u
grist mill, soak my corns in boil
ing solution of potash bole my
ears with two inch anger, or a con-
gressional speech ubon the tariff +;
COMPEL me 10 endure the affl iction
Of fashionable opera; CRATE loaf
sugar on my side when | preparing
sermon, on Sunday put me to
the rack if you choose ; do any.
thing you like if you will only save
me from the everlasting clack oflhat
woman, whose mlldest tones are e.
nouoh to harrow up a mans soul,
(Shakespeare freeze his warm blood
aud make each particular hair =
Whiskers, moustaches, and imperial
included, TO stand on 'eend' like
brislles upon the back of pup wor
tied boar pig.
NV hearers am afraid that If |
say much more abont the gentle
sex, nv soul next week will be as
full of regrets as an old col is OF
bedbugs in August, nevertheless
om bound to preach the truth to day
although the devil may tell me 10.
morrow that ought 10 be ashamed
ofmyself for so doing. But when
you see my nose projecting from
This Ole pulpit, know ye that care
not for the fear of man, the favor Of
women, noI the SCOTS OF Satan.
let out the truth, link by link, and II
l am thought to libel my brother
man or sister woman, let heaven be
my Judge-the twelve apostles now
above constitute jury--and 'll ac'
cept of anything for counsel Other
than a New York lawyer. lcan't &c
that. In sooth there is no use try
ing to lessen the noise of a ta!kaIlve
woman's tongue by applying the on
OF praise, for the more you grease Il
by flastery, the faster and louder il
runs. Say not a word, put putty IL
your ears, and it may tire itself out
NV dear friends--w we ought no
to be too severe on the sisterhood.--
Heaven has made them as they are
Their imperfeclions is no fault q
theirs, but an unavoidable misfor.
tune.
Nat, re made man the strongest