Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1852-12-01
IT WON'T DO.
ny WA. MATTHEWS.

ny wM. MATTHEW'S.
1t is curious how many thousand
things there are which won't do to do
upon this crazy planet of ours, whereon
we eat, sleep, and get our dinners. For
instance
1t won't do to plunge into lawsuit,
relying wholly upon the justice of your
cause, and not equipped beforehand with
brimming purse.
1t won't do to tweak mans nose, or
tell him he lies, unless you are perfectly
satisfied that he has not spunk enough
to resent it by blowing out your brains,
or (if you have no brains) cracking your
skull.
1t won't do, when riding in a stage
coach, to talk of another man whom you
have not personally seen, as being an
- nII-fired scoundrel,' until you are alb
solutely sure he is not sitting before you.
1t won't do when snow drifts are piled
up mountain high, and sleighs are eter-
nally upsetting, to ride out with a beauti-
full, lively and fascinating girl, and not
expect to get smashed with her.
1t won't do for man VIXEN a hor,e
kicks him, to kick back at the horse in
return.
1t won't do to crack jokes on old mails
in the presence of unmarried ladies WHO
have passed the age of forty.
1t won't do to imagine a Legislature,
fed at the public crib will sit but six weeks
when two-thirds of the members have
not the capacity to earn decent living
at home.
1t won't do for a man to bump his head
again t stone post, because he con-
scicntiously believes that his head is the
hardest.
1t won't do when musQuitO bites
your face in the night, to beat your own
Uranium in pieces with your fist, under an
impression that you are killing the mus
quito.
1t won't do for chap 10 imagine a
girl is Indifferent to him because she stu
diouslT avoids him in company.
1t won't do for Il young lady to pre-
sumo that more than one-third of the gem
tlemen who show her pointed attentions,
have the most distant idea of marrying
her.
1t won't do for man to fancy lady
is in love with him because she treats him
civillv, or that she has virtually engaged
herself to him because she has always en-
dured his company.
1t won't do when in a hurry, to cat soup
with two prongcd fork, or to try to
catch flies with fish net.
1t won't do to be desperately enamored
of pretty face till you have seen it at
the breakfast table.
1t won't do to be so devoted to ten
der hearted wife as to comply implicitly
with her request when she asks yOu,-
'e Now, tumble over the cradle, and break
your neck, my dear, won't you?''
1t won't do to take hold of a hair-trig-
ger pistol during a fit of the blues.
1t won't do for politician to imagine
himself elected to the Gubernatarial chair,
while the back counties remain to be heard
from.
1t won't do to pop the question more
than dozen times after lady has said
'Nop
1t won't do to extol the beauty af la
dy's hair before yon know whether it did
not once belong to another lady's head.
Itwon't do to talk of cabbage, when tai
lors are standing by, nor of wooden nut
megs and white oak hams when there are
Connecticut Yankees about.
1t won't do to go barefooted in winter
to get rid of trouble from corns.
1t won't do to take every man to do
that you would like to do, even if so to
do would be to do favor. 1t won't dol
Yankee Blade.