Sunday dispatch. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1845-1854, 1852-04-18
LIGHT READING.

Inc eQucaClOn necessary TO qualIy an
editor in Arkansas for the duties of an office,
is said to be something like the following:
1.-TWO months practice with hair trigger ri
file at a target one hundred PAGES distant; six
weeks practice in swinging two-foot bowie
knife, and six or seven months experience in
gouging, ear. biting and rough and tumble fight
ing at an election"
Advocate (fercely) =" Upon your oath,
sir, will you swear that this is not your hand
writing ?"
Witness (coolly)-"I will, sir, for can't
write"
Isaac, can you describe a bat 2"
eyes, stree He is a flying insect about
the size of stopple-has inginrubbeT wings
and shoe string TAIL and sees best with his
eyes shut"
{" Did you know" said a cunning Yam
kee to Jew, " that they hang Jews and jack
asses together in Portland ?"
Indeed then it is well that you and | are
not there" retorted the Jew.
A newly-married couple riding in a car
riage Were overturned, whereupen a stander-
by said it was &c a shocking sight" eyes,"
said gentleman, " to see those Just welded
fall out so soon"
What Dutchman thought about it.
Honesty is the best policy, put den 1t keeps
man tam poor "
An Oswego druggist advertises four
cases of genuine sea serpent oil, brought by
Captain Seabury, of the whaleship Mononga-
hela. Good for coughs and colds, and only 81
per bottle"
Here is an epitaph that we found on a
tombstone not long since:
Beneath this stone, lump Of clay,
Lies Isabella Young,
Who ON the twenty-fourth of May,
Reoan to hold her tOnpue-
4 Swift in his ironical proposition for the
adjustment of Christianity, says there would
be inconvenience attending it, as itwouh lower
the funds one per cent, which was more than
any government had given TO upnold it.
"Go-way ln said Muggins, "you can't
stuff sich nonsense in me. Sir feet in his boots
Bah no man as lives stands more neT t,eo feet
in his boots, and no use talking bout it, Might
as well tell me the man had six heads in his
hatN
A Hoosier, with sickly wife and eleven
clay-faced, fever and-aguish children, was met
moving toward Texas from Missouri. Wher
asked why he was leaving the country, he re-
piled that che allowed it was time for him tC
move, because the health of the State now haC
got to be so right down powerful ridiculous, (
decent sovren couldn't live in it."
"Hans,n said Dutchman to his urchir
son, whom he had Just been thrashng fo
swearing at his mother, /" watts dat you'er tink
ing so wicked bout out in the corner dere 2
q amt tink not'n." You lie, you little vag
aboue you--you thinks by d-n, and now n
whip you for dat"
Can't say admire your style Of acting
as the landlady said to the strolling player
when she caught him stealing her spoons.
My son" said an afectionate mothe
to her son, (who resided at distance, and in
tended in a short time to get manied,) "yo
are very thin" Yes, mother" he replied, 81
am and when you see me next, think yo
may see my rib"
"Poor old General Debility" exclaime'
Mrs. Partington; Z" it is serprising how lon
he excites the papers are full Of remedies fc
him."
A waggish lawyer of this latitude ha
occasion the other day to seek an interview wit
, one of his own kidney He was told that he coul
not see him, as he was confined to his room
with a bowel complaint " am glad to hea
| it," said the wit, 81 never knew he had an
bowels before"
The enterprising STRIPPING who under
took to ride a horse-raddish, Is now practlcln
on saddle of mutton, without stirrups, prepa
itory to his tramp in search of feather from tn
bed Of Lake Ontario thence to see horse-hl
Barnum has sent an agent to negotiate VII
the young man.
Lawyers are like sissOrs; they never CT
each other but what is between them.
. An elderly bookseller in Paris, one
2 the old-fashioned routine school, on being askt
? for the New French Constitution" replie
that he " did not sell periodicals :"
! Mother, l would not be surprised
+ our Susan gets choked some day" "Why, n
. son?p " Because her beau twisted his arm
+ around her neck and if she had not kissed hi
+ to let her go, he would have strangled her Il
E other night"
Mrs. Hobbs, did you say that my wi
was a poor housekeeper?" ?" "No, sir but
: did tell an intimate friend that you had not hi
\ a clean shirt on Tor ten weeks"
Mr.. Dobbs says that beauties general
Z die old maids. They set such value on theI
= selves, that they do not find a purchaser t
T. the market is closed. Out of the dozen bea
j ties who have come out within the past Gig
teen years, eleven, he says, still occupy sing
r bedstesds They spend their days in workil
! ! green dogs on yellow wool-while their ey
= nings are devoted to low spirits and Tuppel
I Philosophy.
!. In Alabama it is an indectable often
e to play cards in public place" Is has be-
d decided in late case, that playing in the woo
e out of sight of house, and off the road, is n
e "public place."