The Democratic sentinel and Harrison County farmer. [volume] (Cadiz, Ohio) 1851-1852, 1852-02-18
The Half Married Man.

A young couple appeared before justice
of the peace, in Greenfield, for the purpose
of getting married. The young man was of
sanguine temperament, and the intended
bride a joyous looking girl, with mischiev-
ous eyes, speaking with rougishness, that
told her lover not to "count his chickens
before they are hatched." After entering
the squire's office, that dignitary approached
the parties, and inquired, in his blandest
manner:
"What can do for you, young friends? ?"
"What can you do for us? ?" enquired the
groom. "Why darned site, now tell ye.
Can't he, Sary?"
"Well reckon it," replied his intended
bride, "if al's willin'."
"Willin'P" roared the groom. "Why,
what's up? Amt goin' to gin up nor, 1
hope? You don't mean to say shan't get
married ?"
"Oh, no, John, you've come to get mar
ried, and l wouldn't baulk you"
Good as gold There, Squire, there's
pattern to begin WITH" and seizing her, he
planted a fer that would rival pop-beer,
"see, she puts on the harness like a dove.
So, now Squire, gear up your fxins, and
crack your whip"
"Well," said the Squire, rising, elf you
are in earnest, can marry you"
"In airnestW exclaimed the impatient
bride e-groom. "Of course, we're in airnest.
Don't PLAYER so-go into trip out the sar-
.yice-you know Solomon says delays are
dangers, keep the feet d and the head
cool, and bid defiance to physickers."
ella! John, there's no use of being in
such hurry"
"Now Sary, don't say 'boop till its over
let 'em drive. Go at it, Squire-hurry up
the cakes-moderate, but don't splurqe-
slow, but alfred SGrtain Wake snakes -
won't Bets Bredford howl when she hears
Pm married?'
The Squire proceeded slowly in the cere-
mony, keeping watchful eye on the intend
ed bride, whose mysterious manner excited
a suspicion, that screw was loose some
where. When, however, he came to the re-
sponse of the groom, the solemn scene was
disturbed by something like stentorian yell.
"Whoop you better believe it! Why,
of course I'll take 'er-who is it 'sputes it 3?
What did come here for? May bet your
life on that. Go on, Squire-now give her a
haze"
The Squire, in turn, performed the service
which was to extort acquescence to her low
er's wishes; but instead of the precious
words, Il will, gushing up from the pure
fountain of her maiden heart, NO blunted
the senses of the Squire and groom.
"Great shakln' ayers! Sary, what did
you say %
"No" screamed Sary. laughing outright,
and beginning to move off. The Squire
looked perplexed, and the newly married
man, with great uneasiness, exclaimed:
"Stand your ground, Sary Squire, you
hold 'er! Go on with the sarvice-drive it
through, and ciinch it on tother sde-rivet
iher, now !"
"No you don't! You've no right to com
plain. You wanted to get married, and you
are married-but I'm not married. So pay
the Squire and run home before your mann
ma knows YOU re out" And away skipped
the little jilt, convulsed with laughter.
Great Caesar, Squire it's your fault! If
you'd only put 'er right through, an hadn't
stopped to mnce matters, I'd had 'er"
The groom left with rather a rueful coun-
tenance, and appeared to be lost in deep
meditation, which was only disturbed by the
merry peale Of bevy Of girls, who saluted
him with boisterous laughter, a short dis
tance from the Squre's; prominent among
them, too, was Betsy Bradford. He is
known as the young man who is half mar
rted. Western paper.