The Yazoo Democrat., 1852-09-08

Z" Mercy on US what double and twisted
fool | was to marry handsome man. He never
finds spare minute to adorn me, because he is
all the time adorning himself | never could
see the necessity of beauty in d man. Fer a
woman might just as we'll cut her throat and be
done withit, ifshe isn't pretty; but ifa man nas
fine, we'll made figure and is gentleman in his
manners, that's eaoagA, provided he neither
squints, nor smokes, nor swears, and knows
lenough to hold an umbrella over a lady's bonnet
without giving her the drippings. "a rare mas
culine accomplishment
"Now my husband, Sam Jones, has beauty
enough for dozen of men, and what's more he
tnO10S 1t. He spends one half his time at tie
glass, and the other half in making eyes at the
women. Couldn't be the death of him IL we
go out to walk, every body says what handsome
fellow How came he to marry such dowdy lit
tie wife That's pleasant y havan't closet in
the house that isn't numbered up with his super
flous rattle-tnps. Checked, striped, and plad
pants, double and single breasted vests, of every
color and shape; boots and pumps without
limit; smoking caps, dressing gowns revolving
shirts, with dickies plaid on one side, white on
the other, made for dress or travelling, with ac-
commodating bosoms to suit all emergencies Eau
de Cologne, blub Macassar oil, curling tongs
scented shaving soap, whisker dye, and score
more Of fooleries that | have neither time nor
patience to mention"
''Tam neUer sure what the mans about it
takes me all my time to look after him, and then
get awfully humbugged; and that puts me in
mind to inquire (privately) about that new
club he has joined. Don't believe a word oft (!
Clubs don't meet every night in the week, Sam
iUel
Next to clubs, l hate oo,dolcs They are the
very-- I've heard the heathens called be
nighted ; they've sense enough to burn up the
widows when the husbands die AMI that's a
step further in civilization than we've taken-
There's nothing ike'em. If they make up their
minds to marry man its done. l know one
that was terribly afrlid of thunder and ightni ng
and every time storm came up, she would run
into Mr.. Smiths house, (he was a widower,)
and clasp her little hands and fly around, till the
man was half distracted for fear she lc0ald get
killed: and the consequence was, she was -iIrS.
John Smith before three thunder storms had
passed over her head Wasn't that diplomatic?
'|Then there's that little blue eyed widow VIII
kins. Didn't she drop her prayer book coming
out of church for my handsome husband to pick
up? Aud didn't see him squeeze her hand when
he handed it back TO her. And when l told him
long rigmarole of story going home to divert
his mind from the little mink, didn't he answer
yes and mo- at random, and laugh at the wrong
place And didn't he the next morning put salt
in his coffee, and sugar on his beef stake
And won't she be Samlrel Jones, No. 8 An
swer me that | should like to cut her up in inch
pieces with dull Jack-knife.
q" But it's no use to struggle against fate !
shall have to put my pride in my pocket and tell
Samivel it Is my request that he should marry
her when am gone, and will pull wool over
peoples eyes and save his credit, for he'll have
her if an earth quake should be the consequnce.
It's astonishing widows will be so indelicate
as to doff their weeds. It's nothing more or less
than a walking advertisement fol another hus
band. Mrs. Lee was spending short time at
the sea shore, in hernew regimentals, when one
of the ladies at the tea table, struck with sud
den thought, said very innocently, BY the way,
Mrs. Lee, where is your husband 2 should have
been very sorry to have told where thought he
was, Tor the wayne useu 10 swear "heh NC I'lhSu
was awful to mention
CHOW what glorious example I'd be to the
sex if Providence should see fit to make me a
widow wonder if Samivel will pop off?
should hate to put my curls behind my ears, but
I'd do it, and wouldn't so much as look at any
man, unless it was Tom King. Wonder if he'd
marry me Well there now have spoke in
meeting 1t can't be helped now, as deason Smith
said, when his daughter surprised him kissing
widow Moor-Is's natur, Sally, natur-"
FANNY FERN