The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1852-01-02
CLOSE SHAVING.

knew the breed of cattle, that if you
set a Yankee adrift in the middle of
the ocean and give him a jack knife
and a single, that he will white
himselfhome rich. This may be only
poctry-but wooden nutmegs and
Eastwood hams are stubborn facts;
and a Yankee doodle. do is a thing by
no means uncommon. A Yankee
shave is as bad as a Yorkshire bile.
but for close shaving, the following
case we think is little nearer Unto
next week." than anything we have
heard Of lately. A. little dried up
Frenchman so thin that when he
turned edgwise he was almost invisi>
BILE to the naked eye, appeared this
morning to make complaint against
genuine down easter by the name of
Joshua Hopefu' Pomeroy. n shrewd
looking son of a Pilgrim with a bright
eve, and a face evidently constructed
with the express view of enabling
him to drink out of deer track-it
was so sharp.
The Frenchman walked to the
stand with verv sad expression OF
'coun.enance. which was rendered
more than naturally rueful by large
piece Of court plaster upon the end Of
what answered to him all the pur-
pose Of nose.
"What-is your charge against the
man" inquired the magistrate.
Frenchm0n-"Votis mine charge,
ell !?
Mile dunderl He one mauuais
sujet une mavais 91-vot you call
bad erg--he ruin me forever. ] can
no more take de snuff-no, nevare,
nevare !"
Magistrate- ."What is your name"
Frenchman-"Eh beinl my name is
Jacques-Jacques Bonverd. Oh sacre.
vot Shall does: does not knows
Magistrate-W What do you say about
your nose 2"
Jacques-"Vhy this Yankee Doc
die" man he make Won grand impo-
sltion upon me. He shave me yer
had. He come to me Won day after
Tomorrow, little vile ago and he
saw he sail have un grand machine
vot shave me by steam, by gar! and
do him so quick never know nosing.
Veil, sare. | 90 TO him. He put mon
sets. nv head, into box and he soap
me all over, and ven he do dat. he
Turn screw and phizz!-de dam
razor cut off de end Of nv nose! Mon
dieu! ! cannot smell nosing no more
at al. a while ago. never no mare!'
Magistrate-"What have you to
say to this charge"
Prisoner-"Well, squire. ] reckon
nv pa.snt. doGble-ac,i"n. sell moving
steam hair cradicator did cut a little
TOO close, bnt The pesky critter would
not hold still; il he had, he'd gone
right straight 10 sleep under the ope
ration"
Magistrate--"What Is this ma.
chine Of yours"
Prisoner--"Well you see squire. It's
the comple,cst thing in all creation; 1t
answers almost every purpose, from a
coal scut,le TO an umbrella. It's a
sorter combination Of all the moving
powers. with double back actiori."
Mdgistratc Is it for! What
will it do ?"
P,Ysoner--'Do! do anything or any
body It'll rock the cradle. bio the
fire. sweep the floor, milk the cows
feed the pig, stuff sausages, pickle
pork. keep the baby quiet, grind the
coffee, knit stockings, answer the door
bell. and shave closer, cut smoother.
and Gil the hair of quicker than a
streak oil lightning will peel The bark
of Hickory saplingF
Jacques --Oui, by gar, he peel re
skin off mon paurre nose--mon d'eu
What shall | dol never blow nine
nose away again nevalre--
Magistrate--'How came you to
mu,iale this poor man in This manner
did YOU not know it would cut hlml
Prisoner--'Well. squire. ! can't
exactly saw did. You see tired 1t on
a dog and il cut Carlos throat; but
thought that was owing to the shape
of the critters nose. and as This mans
face was more human like, thought
il might do better on him
Mdgistrate--'Mr. Bontard, yours
is a hard case, but | can grant you no
redress. You must commence civil
suit agains. him for damages
Jacques--'CiviIl by gar. saire. zere
Is nosing civil in re matter--it is vera
uncivl. What shall do to get my
nose back7'
Prisoner--'l can furnish first rate
India rubber article, warranted to
stretch large enough to hold pint OF
snuff
Jacques--'You be tam--you Won
Moqistrdte--'The case is dismis-