Anti-slavery bugle. [volume] (New-Lisbon, Ohio) 1845-1861, 1852-05-01

substitute pine board, to kinde anew the
affections of the living for the deceased, little
| as we should relish receiving their messages
through the deal (de'il?). llenceforth let no
blockhoad despair of literary success; since
! letters can he beat out like music OIL the bars
! Of grate, or the slaves of n hogshend,
I what hndcrs deriving them from the most
nveterate bore's head? Surely nothing but
the spirit to do it.
Nothing can be simpler than the new meth
cd of graduating truth and happiness, error
md misery, on the possessed table-leg. ii is
"sHy sOothW as Shakespeare says Of the song
of The old spinistcr, in "Twollih Night
We are informed by the latest statistical ta
blcs, which signify their opinions by rising,
that in the upper world there are numerous
spheres, Which must not he conioJnded with
astronomical spheres, for their suns, howev-
or luminous, are the sons of men, and their
moons, cordwaiucrs here, perhaps wanc no
more, hut wax forever along an even thread
Of lite aud progress.
Five Of these spheres" can be set TO scales
of degrees, Oh tuble.leg, and their relative
happiness or unhappiness be slipped out" to
| the seeker after truth, as it one were tapping
out u cart-load of apples from the tree ol
! knowledge. The apples | was ihyoured
! with did not seem quite to the popular taste
not enough resembling the suphurous mp
| Piles of Sodom,-lor those poor, homeless
souls, had no bell in their "sphcres." Their
lowest, however, corresponded to that idea
in some sort, being altogether wretched,
( though open to escape. With this difference,
| translation of tabc.tnlk into the form Of
mathematical table, would read thus:--
One barcycorn of elevation represents ell
| tire misery three inches, Purgatory; six
inches, temperate, or half-nud.halg" to
| speak spiriluously; nine inches, n sub-lcaven !;
twelve inches, heaven. Beyond this, the
delight being inexpressibIe, table-legs wero
unable to go. All systems are measured by
the same foot rule, or lcg-uIlc,-n rule which
has this evidence Of goodness, that 1t works
| both ways, either on the ascending or de-
sccndug scale.
Medical schools, tried by tho same stan.
dird, gave this result Allopnthy or the
"rigulars," so called, just wrggle the table;
placing it down to zero, level with the hell
or theological scale which estimate ! must
lay to the charge of some jealous spirit who
was privileged TO find his "sphero" on an in
Iiniiusimul sugar pill, or one burned out oi
hoIse aud home by pound Of red pepper;
or perhaps au angry spirit, who ran from his
body in spite, after The generous lancet which
would bnve cured it, but for that indecent
haste. The Botanic or ThOmsoniNn system
was tclcgraphed at about three inches high
on level with Purgatory; not so bad as
! figure of that purclying fire with which it
| prepares our bodies for life, or our souls for
death. Something called the Eclectic
| System" which, like the corporcal system Of
n big fish, is made up of the little ones, stood
at llie point of sailors grog, or hali-nnd-half
] E.sI, H,s
! ilydropathy rose like n tide, not quite to high
waler.mark, or rather high spiritlcvel, but
about three -lourths of the way while lIo-
| mCopathy, more elhereuized, flew TO the
! top like thin gauze. A shrewd Yankee
might guess that tho physical Operator-or
medium" was himself favourable TO the
! ascendant system, which, | must confess,
was ihe fact, the gentlemen being n prac-
tiiioner of that school. But with all sinceri-
| ~ nnh confidence can eXonerate that excel
lent man from any intentional influence up
on the result. lie may have talked uncon-
sciously with the echo of his own spirit, and
felt informed when his latent thought came
back to him in expression; though such a
supposilion is distributed by the frequent
surprises which are occasioned by uneXpect-
ed replies for only an Irish echo is permit
ted 10 answer VERY well, | thank ye ~ when
hailed with a" How do you do, Pat?"
Let me add, seriously that am satisfied,
from personal observation, that no theory
which attempts to explain these mysterious
demonstrations on the hypothesis Of fraud
aud colusion, will succeed; for the phenom.
enn are genuine as those of electricity, or
polar magnetism. 1t is not the active ele-
lnent, but the method of its deyelopement
which is laughabe.
If there is serious side to everything
there is also n funny side to most things
and to him who would gainsay this mril
over tho pantonimic loquacity of pine ia.
BILE, something should be offered like the
good-natured advice of friend of ours, tc
her deceased grandmother. The fine old
lady, by dint of knuckles, conveyed the in,
telligerce, that for the twenty years since
her death she had been looking nbout for
place of torment 81 think you would bet
ter go TO heaven now, and be contented =
was the quick reply of the grand daughter
My grave friend, without seeking offence
you will better take the jest you Gnd, and b'
contentcd.