The mountain sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1844-1853, 1852-10-07
Fanny Fern, on aIatrimony.

Shouldn't like to make bonfire of all the
''IIints to Young Wives 'Married Woman's
Friends" &C., and throw in the authors after
them. l have little neighbor who believes all
they tell her is gospel truth, and lives up to it.
The minute she sees her husband coming up
street, she makes for the door, and ifshe hadn't
another minute to live, stands in the entry with
her teeth chattering in her head till he gets all
his coats and muflers, and over-shoes, and what
do-call-'em, off, then chases round Cike cat in
a fit after the bootjack; warns his slippers,
and put them on, and dislocates her wrist carv-
ing at the table, for fear it would tire him.
Poor little innocent fool she imagines that
the way to preserve his affections. Preserve
fddlestick? The consequences is, he's sick Of
the sight of her: snubs her when she asks him a
question, and after he has eaten her good din
ners takes himself off as soon as possible, bear
ing in mind the old proverb, ''that too much Of
a good thing is good for nothing" Now the
truth is just this, and wish all women earth
had but one ear in common, so that L could put
this little bit of gospel into it: Just so long
man isn't quite as if he knew for GER
tain, whether nothing earth could disturb
your affection for him, he is your humble SER
want; but the very second he finds you out (or
thinks he does) that he has possession Of every
inch of your heart-and no neutral territory
he will turn on his heel, and march off whist
ling s'Yankee Doodle,"
Now it's no use to take your pocket handker-
chief and go sniveling round the house with
pink nose and red eyes not a bit of it. If you
have made the interesting discovery that you
were married for sort of upper servant, or
house keeper, just I'LL that place and no other;
keep your temper, keep all his strings, and but
tons, and straps on, and then keep him at
distance, a house keeper should-''them's
my sentiments % l have seen one or two men
in my life who could bear to be loved (as wo-
man with soul knows how without being
spoit by it, or converted into n tyrant-but
they are rare birds, and should be caught stuff
fed, and sent to Barnuml Now, an the minis
ter says 'sI'll close with an interesting incident
that came under my own observation"
Mr.. Fern came home one day when l had
such a erucifying headache that couldn't have
told whether l was married single, and threw
an old coat into my lap to mend. Well, l tied
wet bandage over my head, cleft all flying"
and sat down to it-he might as well asked me
to make him a new one; however, l lined the
sleeves mended all the button holes, and sewed
ON new buttons down the front, and all over the
coat tails-when finally it occurred to me Il be-
ieye it was suggestion of Satan) the pocket
might need mending; so / turned it inside out,
and what do you think / found "A lore letter
from him TO my DressmdArl l dropped the coat
dropped the work basket, dropped the but
tons, dropped the baby, lit was FEMALE, and
thought it just as well to put her out of future
misery and then l hopped up iato a chair in
front of the looking glass, and remarked to the
young woman l saw there 90 Fanny F-e-r-ni
if you are-ever-such-a -confouDded-fool-
again-and l wasn't r'-Boston OliUe Branch
B2g-Hon. r. NJ. Toombs is making stump
speeches in Georgia, in favor of Webster and
jenkins.