The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1852-12-22
FERN LEAV ES.
BY FANNY FERN.

sFolly:-For girls to expect to be happy with
out marriage. Every woman is made for a
mother, consequently babies are as necessary to
their speace Of mind as heath. If you wish
to look at melancholy and Indigestion, look at
an old maid If you would take peep at sun.
shine, look in the face Of young mother.
Now, ,oon't stand that. I'm an old maid
myself, and I'm neither melancholy nor ind-
gestble! My "pieee of mind" am going to
give you lin minute! y and never want to
touch baby except with par of tongs -
sYour mothers and sunshine !" Worn to fd--
ding strings before they are twenty y-fye. When
| an old lover turns up, he thinks he sees his
grandn other instead of the dear little Mary
who used to make him feel as if he should crawl
| out of the toes of his boots. Yes my mind -
quite made up about natrimony; but as to "ba-
bies s''-sometimes 1 think, and then again I
don't know bur, the whole, believe
| consider them d-cided huulbag! it IS
one sided partnership, this marriage; the wife
casts up all the accounts
"Husbands get up in the morning and pays
his s:decours" tothe looking glass, curs bis Gne
head of hair, puts on an immaculate shirt bosom,
ties an excrnciating cravat, sprinkles his hand
kerchief with Cologne, slows away French
roll, an egg, and cup Of coffee, gets into the
omnibus, looks slantingy at the pretty girls,
and makes love between the pauses Of business
during the forenoon generally. Wife must her
me tcally seal the windows, and exclude all
the fresh air because the baby had the '.snuf-
fles in the night,) and sits gasping down to the
table more dead than alive to finish her break
fast. Tommy turns cup OF hot coffee down
his bosom, Juliana has torn off the string of her
school bonnet, James "wants his geography
covered" Eliza can find her satchel, the baich.
Ell wants to know il she'd like joint of mutton,
the gilkIEan would IKE his money, the ice man
wants to speak to her ss;ust minute the baby
swallows a bean, husband sends the boy home
from the store to say his partner will dine with
him, the cook leaves "all flying to 60 to her
SISTERS dead baby's wake" and husband thin
coat mast be ironed b5 fore noon. "Sunshine
and young mothers!' Where's my smelling
b tile
"Woman! sh. requires no eulogy,'
Lucky they don't they would mt get it from
me Eve had enough of em, | have. I've
crossed over to the 8 Phllistines, and much as
everi dare TO speak to one of them lest he
should be lover or husband to some of those vir-
aeoes just cross the track once of some female
friend (o) either in tagc or literature. Hornets
and nettles! the way you'll get demolished
not that they won't smile youjust the same;
oh yes but wait till your back is turned--if the
dssecting knife OF friendship don't take you TO
pieces till your mental skeleton is an anatomical
curiosity, set me down for fool! The book you
wrote will be miserable and urfeminine! they
d,sapprooe your style entirely, ten to one, at
the very time they trying poor immltat;oe
OF it tn emselves. Then just let 'em catch you
looking at gentlemen they have mentally ap.
propriated, they III compass heaven and earth
but they'll put their foot your presuming
neck Now, ] know l shall get my eyes
scratched out for this, but never mind I'm used
to it in fact, it's a pleasant little excitement
Theirs too many noH,cn in the aoorld, by-half!
there ain t room enough for EN-, unless Congress
"annexes'' the moon. Each one wants world
of hearts to herself, and it stands to they
can't have it, and whlt's more they saant while
I'm about. Ferns are said to be green, but |
know Some Of EN- are blaze, and they are rank
poison TO some people, unless they let, em alone