The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1852-09-22


and if they say, 'are these ten cent fan
nels real Shaker .RanRcis? or the ninepence
hose all merino2 better not contradict
them; say yes mann, I've tried them, seen
them tried, know they are,' or similar ap-
propriate answers to the various questions
that may be asked" said Cheatum.
ayes, sir" jeremiah responded, I un-
derstand."
"And, William"
Jeremiah, sir, If you please"
"Oh, yes; well, Jediah-Jcremiah, |
would say-when you make change, ncv-
er take ten cent piece and two cents
for a shilling, but give it rs often rs prac-
ticabl6; look out for the fractions III adding
up, and beware of crossed siNpcnccS,
smooth shillngs, and what are called
Bungtown coppcrs," said Chcatum, with
much emphasis.
"l'm pooty well posted up, sir, in all
Mot," said jeremiah.
"And Jccmcs-pshaw .-Jacob-Jerc-
miah would say, in measuring, always
put your thumb so, and when YOU move
the yardstck forward, shove Your thumb
an inch or so Jack; in measuring close,
you may manage TO squeeze out five yards
from four and thrcc-Iuartcs, you under
stand And, always be watchful that
some of those nimdlc, light fingered folks
don't slipa roll of ribbon, or pair Of gloves
or hose, or a piece Of goods, up their
sleeves, in their bosoms, packets, or under
their shawls. Be careful, IIenry-Jeems,
| should say" said Cheatum.
Being duly rehearsed. jeremiah Bum
ps went to work. The first customer he
had was little girl, who bought yard
of ribbon for nincpencc, and jeremiah not
not only stretched seven-cights of a yard
into a full yard, but made twelve cents 90
for ninepence, which feat brought down
the vials of wrath of the child's mother, n
burly old Scotch woman, who "tonguc-
lashed" poor Jeremiah awfully! His next
adventure was the sale of n dress pattern
of sixpenny delaine, which he rd,ranted
to contain all the pcrfcctions known to the
best article, and in dashing his vigorous
scissors through the fabric, he caught
them in the folds of Il dozen silk handker-
chiefs on the counter, and ripped them
all into slittcrs. The young woman who
took the dress pattern, upon reaching
home, found it contained but eight yards
when she paid for nine. She came back,
and jeremiah Bumps got another bonn
basting. lie sold tourpenv calico, and
warrantedi it to wash, next day it came back,
and an old lady with it, the colors and
starch were all outb by dipping it in water,
and the woman went on SO that Cheatum
was glad to refund her money to get rid
of her. \ young woman cnquired for
diapering; jeremiah exhibited the article,
when, upon the young woman asking if it
wa2 real bird-:ye, he affirmed it was, and
the best, too, for he used it hmsclfl The
young woman was put to the blush and
left the store, and Cheatum reprimanded
jeremiah roundy. Two dashing young
ladies out shopping faI their own di-
versions, gave Jerelpi all he labored
hand and tongue, q down and
exhibited Cheatui @ stock; the
girls then were ri saying they
amiably said, "Do, ladies, do; call again,
we hope to secure your custom" The young
ladies took this as an insult Their big
brothers waited on Mr. Bumps and moth.
ing short of his humble apologies saved
him from enraged cowhidcs! jeremiah
saw n suspicious woman enter the store
and after ovcrhauling a box of gloves, h,
thought he saw her pocket pair !-IIC
intercepted the lady as she was going ou
he grabbed her by the pocket-thc la
dy ressted-Jeremiah held on-th lad,
tainted, and jeremiah Bumps nearly tor,
her dress off in pulling out the gloves! The
lady proved to be the wife of a distinguish
ed citizen, and the gloves purchased a
another store A lawsuit followed, and Mr.
Bumps was fined 800, and sent to tn,
House of Correction for sixty days
How many new clerks Nebuchedncx,
Ear Cheatum has put through since, we
know not; but jeremiah Bumps is now
engaged in the practical science of agri,
culture, and shudders at the idea of a
young man from the country being want
ed in drygoods shop, if they have got
to see the elephant that he o6serUed-M
Boston,!