The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1852-11-23

ton I attempted. / even ventured
to hope, nay, to congratulate myself
that the catalogue of my calamities
was completed for the day.
"Let no one call himself happy be
fore DEATH" said Svlon; aud he said
wisely. The ides of March were not
yet over. Before US stood a dish OF
cauliflower, nicely done III butter.
This | naturally enough took for
custard.pudding, which it suffi.
GENTLY rcsembled. Unfortunately,
my vocabulary was not yet extensive
euouyh to embrace all the technical
tiles of the table; and when my
fair ncighbor inquired if l were fond
of choufesr, | Ivcrily took it to be
the French for ustard-pudding; and
80 high was my pancgyric of it, that
my plate was soon bountifully laden
with it. Alas! one single nlouthful
was enough to dispcl my illusion.
Would to heaven that the choufem.
had vanished along with it. But
that remained bodily; and, as l gas-
ed despondingly at the huge mass,
that loomed up almost as large, and
as burning, as Vesuvius, my heart
died within me. Ashamed to con
fess my mistake, though l could al
most as readily have swallowed an
equal quantity Of soft soap, l strug.
gled manfully on against the diaboli-
cal compound. I cndcavored to
sap the mountainous heap at it's
base and shutting my eyes and open
ing my mouth, to inhume IS large
massos as | could without stopping
to taste it. But my stomach soon
began, intelligibly enough, to initiate
its intention to admit no more of this
nauseous stranger beneath lis roof, if
not even of cxrclling that which had
already gained unwelcomc admit.
tancc.
The seriousness Of the task I had
undertaken, and the .-rcsolutirn ne
o execute ;ssr''e' .!a'gRi''e98'
fts1Ttfhf'esss anu rapldity to my exer
tions, which appetite would not have
inspired; when my plate, having
somehow got over tho edge of the
table, upon my leaning forward,
tilted up, and down slid the disgust
ing mass into my lap. My handkcr-
chief, unable to bear so wcighty
a load, bent under it in its turn; and
a great proportion Of it was thus
safely deposited in my hat. The
plate instantly riyhtcd itself, as l
raised my person; and as | glanced
my eye round the table, and saw that
no one had noticed my disaster, l
inwardly congratulated myself that
the nauseous deception was SO hap
PLY disposed of. Resolving not to
be detected, l instantly rolled my
handkerchief together with all its
remaining contents, and whipped i,
INTO my pocket.
The dinner table was at length de-
sorted for the drawing room, where
coffee and Hquews were served
round. Meantime, l had sought
out what | considered a safe hiding.
place for my hat, beneath q chair in
the dining room, for l dared no.
carry it longer in my hand; having
first thrown morscl Of paper into
the crown, to hide the caulillowcr
from view, should any one chance, in
seeking for his own hat, to look in
to mine.
On my return to the drawing
room, chanced to be again seated by
the lady by whom ! had sat at din.
ncr. Our conversation was natural.
ly resumed; and VIC were in the
midst Of an animated discussion,
when huge spider was seen ,un-
ming, like race horse, up her arm.
''Take it off-takc it off," she
calculated, in terrified tone.
was always afraid of spiders; 80
to avoid touching him with my hand,
| caught my handkerchief from my
pocket and clapped it at once upon
tho miscreant WIN vas already
mounting over her temple with
rapid strides. Gracious Hcaycnl |
had forgotten the caulihowcr; which
now plastercd over her face like an
cmolliont poultice, fairly killing the
spider, and binding an eye Of
the lady; while little streamlets Of
soft butter gldcd gently down her
beautiful neck and bosom.
"hlon Dieu! mon Dieu!" cxclaim-
cd the astonished fair.
"Mon Dieu!!" Was echoed from
every mouth.
"Hayc you cut your hoad9" in.
quired one.
"Non! non! - L'araignee
Paraignee. Monsieur Went d'ocra.
ser laraignoe."
"Quellc quantitc d'entrailles!"
calculated an astonished Frenchman,