Fremont weekly freeman. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1850-1853, 1852-02-07
A candidate for Church Membership.



odd Steve or lying Stevens as he was
iamiliarly called, by virtue Of strong original
genius and an indefatigable perseverance, and
application, had acquired the reputation of be-
ing the greatest liar that ever existed in the
state Of. Whenever he made his appear
ance, therefore, at muster or training, he was
sure to be surrounded by host Of eager list
eners. He greatly excelled the renowned
Munchausen, who simply told extravagant sto-
ries, and sometimes blundered on the truth.
Steve, on the other hand never told word
of truth, even by mistake in all his life, and
lied circumstantially and in every particular.
In a short time it came to him as naturally as
eating and drinking, or rBthsr, as breathing
for he had not only lied TO listeners, but even
when he had no other person to talk to, he
would tell lies to himself, just to keep his hand
in This was ascertained beyond any doubt
by his denying it in the most solemn manner
when somebody accused him of the practice.
1t was Mr. Stevens misfortune, at one time,
to lose good deal of money on horse race
This made him feel uncommon serious, SO he
went to camp-meetiBg, which was held about
five miles from his residence, to see if he
couldn't make up little by shaking props"
with the boys. They happened however to
be too much for him that time, and he was
completely cleQned ont. This made him if
possible, feel more serious than ever, and as
there happened to be a powerful preacher
there, who could make himself heard at the
distance of mile, he though! he would turn
over new leaf at once. When he got home
therefore, the first thing he did was to send
for the minister. The worthy man came and
to his extreme amazement, found that Ste
vsns wanted to Join the church
4 have no hesitation in laying your proPo>
sition before the brethren said the good old
man trying to smother a laugh.
of course you hain't,' responded Steve.
with great confidence.
And you could give satisfactory evidence
of amendment Dir. Stevens continued the
minister, emphasizing the word, '!hey might
take you on probation; at any rate we have
a meeting to night and can let you know to-
morrow ....=
Probation be d-dogged! CALCULATED
Steve. as the minister hastily retreated; why
can't they letme jine at once while feel like
Iit?'
The proposition, as might have been ex-
pected, created a real sensation. There was
hardly member of the church male or fe-
victimized by Stevens slanderous tongue, and
they could hardly bear his name with patience.
Some of them went so far as to say if he join
ed, they would leave, and that settled the
matter, for they were among the forehanded
members, who could afford to speak out, be-
cause the church couldn't afford to lose them.
However, to avoid trouble with an unscru-
lous fellow like Steve it was resolved to break
the matter TO him as gently as possible. Two
of the most respectable men in the church
were appointed to call upon him, and it was
generally understood that such was their
known mildness of disposition that every pos
sible excuse consistent with truth would be
made for not receiving him.
The rest of the story must be told in Steve.'s
own words.
'When old Deacon Peabody came along,
sot in the back door whttlin hoe handle,
and hope to suffer if wasn't mad enouff to
rare right up. A cousin of my wife's whose
sister was member, had come over airly and
told US all about it,
Good mornin, Mr.. Stevens says the old
hypocrit, with face as long as yard of pump
water.
4 said nothn' but kept on whittln.
came down to see you this morning,
says he.
well, says I, how do you like my looks :?
oh says he, what l mean is that l come
down to labor with YOU
Work away then, why don't you??' was al
that he got out O. me.
But, Mr.. Stevens said he, very solemnly
the church sent me down here to talk with
you minute
We'll you've been talk;n' for more five min
utes, Deacon Peabody says |, and you've
said nothing yet; now when are you goin' tc
begin?'
'The old Isrelite looked mad enHff to Bit,
my head off at snap, but he thought it bes
tie keep cool, SO he drew long breath snd
went on:
Nobody wants to hurt your feelings Oh
make any trouble, Mr. Stevens, but the church
have come to the conclusion, that perhaps, OF
the whole, under the circumstances, and il
view of every thing it might possibly be bes
all around, and taking all things into consid
Grafton, for you not to be hasty in applyin' jis
at present. They think on mature reflection
that it might be as we'll if you'd conclude tc
postpone it little while, say for year or eigh
teen months
They dew! Wall, now, Deacon what makes
This was a hard question. The old sar
pent knew very well that it wouldn't answer
to say he didn't knew-fot he knew fast enuf
and be knew that l knew he did. So says
he
Mr. Stevens, I'm sorry you're so riled abou
it-you've no occasion-I didn't come to Of
fend you, bat you know az well as do why
the church don't accept YOU
IF knew wouldn't ask you to tell me
Deacon Peabody
WALL says he, cant you know what large
stories you're in the habit Of tellin'?'
who says I tell large stories p says I, ii
amt untruth, and you can't prove it amt
Now amt it shame, Deacon, for a man like
yeu to around scandalizin' neghbor that way
what story of mine did you ever hear thai
wasn't true? Come lay your finger On the
first story, and won't say another word
why there's so many on 'em,' answered
the Deacon that it's a most impossible tc
specify any one in particular But now