Herald of the times. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1849-1856, 1852-05-27
From he Lantern
AN ACT
FOR TnE BETlER PRoTECrloE or the
CITIZENS or THE uNIri d STATES

AGAIN ST MAINE lAcs.
Whereas, it hns been reported TO this
august assembly. that sundry and di'
vcrs persons. inhabitants OF these nee
United States, residing III houses, or
hanging out their shingles in distant
portion of the eastern territory. known
as Yankee land, have for some time past
been alternately AN using and alarming
the peaccahly disposed cilizehs OF other
parts with vagarics, extravagancies,
and frraks of folly, dangerous and an
noyng to their neighbors.
AnG whereas, il doth appear. from
conclusive evidence, that tie aforesaid
Maine iacs have heretofore been in the
habit of going round considerable, on
exploring expeditions, dcnomlnated
Hbcnders.n or as the learned BLAcg-
STONE expresses it, 'busts;' - (Com.
VOL lis, p. ilo2), having for their OBJ
iect the collection of certain building
material, to wit, bricks. And il doth
! appear that the Manc-iacs aforesaid
have been in the habit OF conveying
| such material to their homes secreted
Oh their persons, generally IN that art-
Gle Of their dress dcnominatcd the hat,
castor, or Il lug"
And whereas il further appears that
many Of the sand Mane-acs having
! placed more bricks in their hats than
was consoDant with the law OF motion,
and the preservation OF their pcrpendic-
clarity, have, from time TO time, been
\ discovered in horizontal position, To-
Gated in those tributary ctrcains that lr-
rigatc the public thorougharcs TO wit,
the gutter. Others, not reduced TO this
H level. have been discovered addressing
buncombe speeches 10 lamp posts; and
others again have made ridiculous en-
hibitons OF circular smiling, to the lncon-
vcnience Of ordinary pedestrians, and
Yankees generally.
/ And whereas, it having been discov-
cred that an efficient body OF police is
only requisite for electoneerlng purpc-
scs, and altogether useless for any oti-
II cr II has been deemed requisite by GER
! tain eastern Solons, in order TO pre-
| serve the digniied uselessncss Of that
| body, TO pass law, prohibiting the sale
of the obnox ous article, thereby curing
/ the cv!l tendencies Of the Maine-acs III
! the same manner that SHA HUFF cured
stammcrlng--to Wit, by cutting oil the
! head.
| And whereas, it is rumorcd that the
said Maine-iacs intend shortly, in. pursu-
arcc Of their policy, to pass an act 10
prohibit the sale OF shad. in order TO pre-
vent ildiscrcet Yankees from being
choked by the bones: likewise 10 pro
4 hbit the importation Of penny whistles
lest their children should learn to play
them with spirit; and other" sc to con
struct, or cause TO he constructed, iur
ther acts ol folly, to the annoyance ah'
contempt of well regulated citIzcns.
II AnG whereas it hath been asserted
and generally believed, tlat "wha'eveI
Il isis y bu, The Mainc-iacs contend tina
"whatcvcr is-is'nt or o1ghtn't to be
here. there, or anywhere no how, no
\ at all, no where, never. That II 1t /
true in part. il is not true in Maine lha
/ il it is so in letter, II is not SO there II
spirit that f others are right they art
Fighter; il others are wrong, they ar
right, bit that Mcy"arc not wrong an.
way YOU can fetch 1t. They argu
bricks get ia lats. Every man has
hat, therefore every man has brick |
j his hat. Having arrived at this logici
conclusion, they PROFOUND other syIc
, / risms. TO wii-JoHN SMITH got drum
, on gallon Of brandy which he s"al
. loved Every man swallows; therefor
every man gets drunk on gallon
brandy.
To bc capable of managing his ow
: affairs, every man must have clea
r head. Every mans head, after ga
b lon of brandy, is not clear; therefor
{ every man is incapable OF managing h
= own affairs The wise alone shou
i max, laws; we are wise-therclore "
II make this law, &c. &c.
d Aud whereas, in conformity with Il
l. foregoing thercorcm they have caus,
{ to he seized, aud sti,l continue to sciz
5, all ntcrdicted articles, thereby provo
d ing pcaceably disposed citizens to brcac
!. cs Of the law, and exposing the sove
e eign people TO the sovereign contcm
i of all free citizens.
And whereas, the governmental oil I'll
country. no, being dcsrotc one, 1t
conceived that every man has right
'c fix hls night cap in any manner
G. thinks fit, without having to Neal Dou
to Eastern notions Of Phrygian propr
ty. The ukase u: an Emperor nay
H. Just the length of II queue, but the lie
Ie isIature OF State has no right TO int
IN lrrc with the peoples oocktdiis; it nj
al bc an act Of policy to impose a tax
1t leather but is an act OF tyranny
~ abolish an unfortunate cl1ss Of coJ5ie
= And whereas, it appears to this 4
e scnibIy, that the policy pursued by
IL Maine iacs is about as cOnennant W
D" reason. as it would be to tie all me
'1 hands behind their backs, because so
~ ..nn ,hr1n for uick kinr ckCts or 10 L