The southern press., 1852-03-27

a thousand dollars per man! Great Britain, the
most expensive empire of Europe, has an army
whose expense per man, is not more than one
third of ours, and her army is stationed all over
the world, and protects much greater extent Of
territory and population.
AS for our Indian policy, it has undergone a
total revolution. The Indians ofthe plains and
mountains can probably never be expelled or
conquered, by all our arms or our treasures.
But we can spend more than alithe gold of Cal.
iforna in the attempt.
For the Southern Press.
sample Of !" The History of Uncle SANS
MIsslOn,o
NOW IN THE PRESS, AND SHORTLY TO BE PUBLISHED.
CHAT. l.
Showing hop Uncle Sam got a flea in his ear,
or as some say, q bee in his bonnet, and tooh IL
into his head, he had ga mission" 10 rigkt The
,orongs Of all his neighbors, together 10Th The
resi- Of mankind
| shall not follow the example Of Historians
and biographers, who entirely neglect obs cure
people the world knows nothing Of, and devote
all their labor and industry to telling Us what
we knew before about great kings and conquer
ors, whose actions are as notorious as those Of
any hghwayman or pickpocket immortalized
in the newspapers. AS for Uncle Sam, he is
pretty well known already; has made some
noise in the world and is likely 10 make great
deal more, especially ii he carries out his mis-.
sion. 1t is not, therefore, necessary that
should be particular about his pedigree. All II
abs fha., H. hat docr,n nd
ed from one of the sons OF Noah-thongh, which
is somewhat doubtful land that he passes for
the son OF Big John Bull, though in truth he
has as many fathers as the old P.itriarchs had
children. But having strong family likeness
to John, he is generally supposed to be his son,
and what renders it still more likely, they have
been pickering and quarreIling ever since Uncle
Sam grew up TO years of discretion. John al
ways calls him rebellious rascal, and Uncle
Sam pays him back with old tyrant, and the
like. This, how ever, is only behind each others
backs, for whenever they meet on occasions OF
ceremony, nothing can equal their civil speech
es, and you would swear they were the best
friends in the world.
However, shall pass over these matters, and
come to the time when Uncle Sam got flea
in his ear, by listening to the wicked tempta
tons of wandering lecturer, who at length
persuaded him that he had mission to become
the redresser of all the wrongs of his fellow
creatures, no matter how far off they were, and
that the more distant the greater the obligation
TO interfere in their behalf Uncle Sam being
great landholder, and immensely rich in pap<r
money, had, OF course, vast many friends and
counsellors about him, ready TO gire their adj
vico, provided ,hoy were well paid for It, Ac-
cording to his custom, he called them together
nd tod ham IL mis- ~
these rogues who pretended to be above all
law, except his own conscience, assured Uncle
Sam there was no doubt as TO his mission that
such an extraordinary unaccountabe fellow as
he, was certainly not brought into the world
merely 10 take care Of himself and family. Any
fool could do that; but something more was
required from man that grew so fast he hard.
y knew himself when he got up in the morn
ing, and whose beard spronted out faster than
he could shave himself lie solemnly assured
Uncle Sam that he had a mission conferred on
him, which made him responsible for the liber
ties Of all mankind, and that il he fought shy on
this occasion he would be disgraced 10 nl etern.
ily. The eyes of the world were upon him
and the hopes or all mankind rested on his de
cison Others Of Uncle Sans counsellors and
load.eaters followed until the good man be.
came thoroughly infected with the mania Of uni.
versal philanthropy-in other words, as mad az
March hare
Much about this time some difficulties arose
among his "neighbors," as Uncle Sam called
them, who lived on the other side Of great Salt
Lake, hundreds and hundreds Of miles wide, who
he had never seen, aud knew no more about
than the man in the moon. II seems they fell
out about choosing king or constable, for
get which, and being pretty well matched, one
party called in a neighbor 10 its assistance, and
by that means put its adversarics down The
higher av man hcreupon assured Uncle Sam
that now was the time he was called upon to
fulfil his mission as universal tighter Of universal
wrong, and that he must give them touch Of
universal philanthropy.
Whereupon Uncle Sam pulled up his brooches,
snapt his fingers, and forthwith proceeded toI
the ful6lment Of his mission. He put on his
old suit Of regimenia.s, which he vote as colonel
of militia, and which was somewhat moth. eaten;
mounted an old cap with u. s. in large letters
in front, which stood for Uocle Sam equipped
himself with long pole, and placed pair Of
spectacles ~ his cap, that he might sec his enc.
mics the better. Then he proceeded to the
shore Of the great Salt Lake. and after making
n laundering speech, in which he denounced all
Intervention in the sffairs Of Hher people, and
called all sorts Of people all sorts Of hard
names, began 90 thrash the water with all his
might The higher law man stood by and
patted him on the bfck, ever aud anon cx
claiming That's il my hearty fclow--therc
You put il into the rascals think see them
scamrering in all directions, like flock Of sheep
Take my word for IL, we shall have no more in
tervention after t'is; but If there should be, VI
have an infallibIe specific for that"
Uncle Sam returned home highly pleased
with his exploit, and more than ever convinced
Of his mission. Ills head got so muddled with
the affairs Of other people, that he forgot
to attend 10 his own, and parcel Of wild In.
dams took the opportunity while he was looking
abroad, TO steal his horses and cattle, and carry
of some Of his family. But Uncle Sam did not
mind this; his attention was taken up with all
the rest Of mankind, and he considered the sac
riice Of few Of his dependents as nothing
when compared with the welfare Of the entire
h,,,on Yacc IIa sfrutfed ahout like n Turkey /