Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1852-08-25
6 nuprr'g Glurkshurg Regiatpr
TALE OF a SHIRT COLLAR.

we recommend 1t to be read in cool corr
ner or on the shores of some Gulf water
ing places;
! will give you an adventure of bash.
full lover named Damphule, but we used
to call him Dam Jackass for short. Hea,
ven help me, Il he should ever see this
story !; hope he don't take the Spirit.
Among his many misfortunes, for be
was cock.eyed, red,haired and knock
kneed. he numbered that inconvenient
one of bashfulness nevertheless he was
fond Of the ladies, although when in their
presence he never opened his mouth If
he could help it, and when he did speak
he used both hands to help him to talk I;
in fact he was young man of great &C.
tons.
Jack. one warm day, fell in love; he
had just graduated at college, and began
TO think he must seek the ladies' society;
he WAS getting to be man, and it looked
manly to have a 'penchant.'
So Jack fell in love with the sweetest,
liveliest and most hoydenish girl in the
square, but how to tell his love ? There
was the rub. He had heard good deal
Of the Language Of the eyes, and he ac-
cordingly tried that but when he look
ed particularly hard atthe window where
Miss Emily was in the habit of sitting,
some person on the other side of the
street would invariably bow to him, thin
king he was endeavoring to catch their
eye, He has despised expressive eyes
ever since.
At length Jack obtained an introduce
ton through his sister, and with her he
called several times, but she was obliged
to leave the city for n season, and as each
interview had only increased his arder,
Long before the hour fixed upon by
ed in his best. Blue coat, metal buttons,
black cashmere pants, (said pants being
little tighter than the skin, and spot
loss vest. The journals of the day state
rs an item of intelligence, that the Their
mometer ranged from rs to 80 deg Jack
swears it was hundred. AS tho hour
gradually drew near, Jack found his cou.
rage and perspiration both oozing out to-
gether, and he almost determined to pull
of and stay at home. He concluded,
however, he'd take walk past the house
and see how he felt.
BY the time he reached the mansion he
firmly concluded not to go in, but on cas-
ting his eyes towards the parlor window
and perceiving no signs of life there, he
thought it probable that no one was at
home, and since he had proceeded so far
he would proceed farther and leave his
card.
No sooner determined than concluded.
In reckless moment he pulled tho bell !;
the darned thing needn't make such
cussed noise The door was opened as
if by magic, and the servant girl politely
asked him in. Miss Emily was alone in
the parlor, and would be delighted to see
him.
OLord here was a fix Go in dark
parlor with pretty girl alone 1t was
too late to retreat; the girl had closed the
front door and was pointing to the parlor
where Miss Emily was sitting all alone.
Being perfectly convinced that no choice
was left him. into the dark room he walk
ed or rather Sided.
All was perfect chaos to his eyes for
moment, but only for moment then
from the deepest gloom came forth an an
angel voice " bidding him welcome and
draw near To obey the order was but
the work Of moment, as no supposed
but he little dreampt Of the obstacle which
fate had thrown in his way. He knew
full we'll the stream Of love had many
ripples. but full grown snags had not en-
tered his calculation.
Judge then of his establishment a. be-
ing tripped up almost at the fair ones
feet by fat stool with plethorio legs,
which chance or a careless servant had
placed exactly in his road TO happiness
Over he went, and as tho tailor had not
allowed for any extra tension of muscles
and slnews, he not only procured tum-
BILE, but also compound fracture Of
the black pants aforesaid, said fracture
extending all across that point which
comes in closest contact with the chair. |
Having picked himself up as carefully
as circumstances would allow, the smo.
thered laugh of Miss Emily not setting
him forward any, he at last succeeded in
reaching chair, and drawing his coat
tails forward to prevent disagrceable
exposure, sat himself down with as much
grace as bear would be expected 10 ex,
hibit when requested to dance on needles.
The young lady was almost suffocated
with laughter at the sad miSforsunes of
the bashful lover, felt truly sorry for him,
and used all her powers of fascination to
drive it from his mind and eventually sue.
ceeded so far as to induce him to make q
remark.
On this rock he split. for just at that
moment she discovered she had lost her
handkerchief, What had become Of it /?
She was SURE she had it when she came
IN 1t must certainly be somewhere
about,
"Havn't gotit under you. Mr.. Dam.
Jack was sure that couldn't be so. but
poor Jack in venturing an answer, could
not possibly, get alonn without RAISING l,is