Grand River times. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1851-18??, 1852-08-04
MODERN PHILANTHROPY:
Shoaoing ho,o Mrs Dobson made her husband
sick of fHunlbug Reform.
BY PETER PEPPERPoD, ESQ.

In the beautiful and emphatic language of the
poet, "we air great people"-yea we are
progressive people. We build steamers and blow
them up again lay down lines of railway by
the hundred miles, and play collision antics with
the iron horse. We send missionaries to NOR
alize the "poor, benighted heather" and leave
our own benighted heather to moralize them
selves. BY way of extra excitement, we " get
up" the "spirit rappings," and wake up more dis
embodied ghosts from out the bowels of the bu-
red past than were ever dreamed of in the mel
ancholy Danes philosophy, and learn the glad
tidings that Thomas Paine has abjured all his in
fidel wickedness since his exit to another world.
But, chief of all, we seize hold of that benight-
ed old gentleman, "yclept Benevolence," and
rend him into very ragged tatters, in our bub-
bling desire to provide good fat home for the
lazy lout who would rather lie down and starve
in the nearest gutter than labor that he might
live. Nay, to accomplish this, in the frenzy OF
our charitable madness, we below shame on the
hard working rascal who has secured two hou-
ses and lots into his avaricious clutches, and 60
in for making him divide with some poor lazy
devil who has none Thrice glorious philanthro-
py! which seeks to drag all men down to one
low level-brotherhoo of pigs round one COM
mon trough, with each ones teeth filed off to an
equality of bites-and whose main supporters
are of the species who, rather than earn liveli-
hood by manual toll, would infinitely prefer
to punder their less sharp-witted fellows, or
subsist on the doled out charity of friends.
Now Mr.. Dobson became tainted with the to-
king theme of equality and the rights of man.
The doctrine of q certain ultra reform paper,
that no man has right to more buttons on his
shirt than another, and that every tyrannica des-
pot who eats six buckwheat cakes for breakfast,
while his neighbor can only swallow five, ought
to be made to disgorge the overplus and divide
suited his notions amazingly, and transformed
him into a red-hot phianthropist in very short
time All his old ideas changed, as he began to
look at things through the green spectacles of
reform Work grew distasteful for what right
had he to slave and toll, when so many grinding
rich men are able to do without it? Where was
the justice of his neighbor Foote'S having eight
children, with fiattering prospect of more, when
he had only three! Wasn't it shame, an out
rage against equality, that any nigger's big feet
should occupy more room on Gods earti-the
inalienable heritage of all mcmillan he was
able to do himself. And what right had he to
work for twelve dollars week, when his fellow
mechanic John Trout, could do third more
work, and consequently receive third more
pay!
None Therefore Mr.. Dobson went in for
having every rich man compelled to share his
wealth with poor men, and flustered and sput-
tered away with the rabidest reformer going.
Not so with Mrs. Dobson, however. She was
far too sensible to believe in any such bedlam
nonsense as that
"My dear Gussy it won't do, it won't do" she
said one morning as they sat at breakfast; so
long as some men are by nature endowed with
more TALENT energy and perseverance than 9TH
ers, so long will inequality exist"
You're fool, and know nothing at all about
it," was Mr.. Dobson's amiable rejoinder &c tell
you, one man has as much right to all the bless
ings Of the earth as another. The earth was
given to every man. not to part; and, as.
matter of course; whoever grasps more than
another is usurper, and ought to be forced to
give up every iota beyond his rightfu share"
"What! would you have the Industrious man
share with the ider!'
81 would have every one share alike. Edu-
cate people as they ought to be, and there will
be no idlers."
"Tm afraid, my dear Gussy, it will require
dreadful amount of education to put industry in
to some peoples lazy bones"
"Pooh you talk like silly woman. | say,
give every man his rightful share of Gods earth,
and such a thing as a lazy man could not be
found. Men would have something to live for.
But now, here is one man possessed of more
than he knows what to do with, while such as
we have to slave all the week for a paltry twelve
dollars. But it won't last long. People are
getting their eyes opened to their just rights,
and before many years there will have to be
fair division of the whole earth's blessings over
all the world"
Then you are really sincere in your belief
that all who possess more than another are usur-
pers, and ought to share with those who have
none?"
ayes; and whoever maintains to The contrary
is either fool or knave"
"Well, perhaps you are right" returned Mrs.
Dobson, with a peculiar expression of counte-
nance, "but must confess that can't see it
very clearly as yet"
Mr.. Dobson was in an ecstacy at the thought
of making convert of his wife, and departed
to his work, little dreaming Of the course of med
icine she was just then revolving for him in the
sensible depths of her mind.
1t did so chance that he had promised to ac-
company party of friends on little pleasure
excursion, and at the appointed hour he called
for his fine boots" brush in hand to give them
II polish, as he purposed to take an "extra stiff,
on this particular occasion.
"You will have to wear your other ones,
Gusty, DEAR" responded his wife, with peculiar
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