Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1852-01-01
PATENT LABoR.sAvING FLUID.
How a Yankee Eor hi. Finger. Burnt.


condensed from the Boston Museum
"Don'tmake yourself uneasy abou
the children's dresses, ladies'" ex
claimed a labor-saving fluid man.
; 81 have a few bottles of the transpa
rent washing fluid in my trunk. tina
will in five minutes time, without tht
least labor or inconvenience in tht
world, nam, renovate the dresses il
manner that is truly astonishing
and bring back the color to lew
shades brighter than the origina
tint"
A raw-boned Vermonter, sitting
by our side, and who until this time
kept as silent as a pine slab, here
drew up his long neck and exclaim.
ed:
"Stranger, you'll oblige me much
by disseminating your remarks about
your internal washing fluid, for I'm
in rather good-humor to-day, and
don't wish to be riled. | once pur-
chased bottle of that stuff, and it
came nigh running me for life, and
I've taken an oath TO lick the first
man who ever offers me another bot
tie. ] could tell you a yarn on that
subject, that would bring the tears
to your eyes; but Of course no man
wants to hear warn now.
The Yankee proceeds with his yarn
thus: Having on such an application,
made a purchase, he proceeds to de-
tail his experiment.
"My purchase was on Saturday
afternoon, about 8 O'Clock and took
my big black bottle of fluid, put it in
my coat pocket and started FOR home.
Now, thinks | to myself, my wife
always picks up her clothes on Sun
day night and does washing on Mon
day morning, after breakfast; and so
it would be a good joke, for me not
to let her know anything about the
blessed fluid, stir 'em up with a stick
and hang them up to dry. "LordI"
says to myself, right in the street,
as loud as Pm talking now, "l'll do ii
by ginger, if / have to get up at two
o'clock" So when | gets home |
Just takes the bottle OF fluid out in
the woodshed, and pokes ii up on
high shelf among a lot of old beer
bottles and blackiug boxes, and went
whistling around the house just as if
nothing hadn't happened"
saturday night | went TO market
Just as usual, and Sunday we both
went to church in the forenoon, and
staid at home and talked about our
future prospects in the afternoon;
but kept keeping still about the
fluid, and didn't let on Out what | ex-
pected she would do the washing the
next morning just the same as ever.
But didn't sleep much that night.
| kept a thinking about stirring up
the tub of clothes, and getting 'em
out 10 dry before daylight. Once !
got into a little short dose, and
dreamed | was swimming across a
deep river of gushing fluid, and the
rocks at the bottom and both sides
were all petri6ed shirt-b0soms and
pillow-cases, and there was an old
washerwoman on the bank of the
river, who kept a stirring on us up
with long pole. | reckon woke
up about five o'clock; for twas
just about half between daylight and
dark, and l could just see the leastest
streak of light in the world among
The clouds around the tops of the
Green Mountains. ] turns over and
looks at wife and she was sleeping as
sound as a dead salmon; so care
uily slid out o'bed, hurried on my
,lothes, and in less than ten minutes,
lad the old vash-tub filled clear to
he top wiih. all of wile's white
and all could find of my
own. | poured in about pailful
and a-half OF clean rain-water, and
hen goes out into the wood-shed,
.akes down the bottle OF fluid, walks
pack to the tub, and ponrs her all inl
Lord but 'twould have done you
good to hear it sis.
SWELL" says | TO myself, "if that's
The dirt coming out it makes a good
leal Of noise about it any way, and
guess it's doing up the thing hand
'omely." So after letting it sis for
about minute, | takes up an old
that was standing near,
md wallops the things about like a
amb's tail in fly time, for three min $
ties, and then takes hold OF 'em with
nv hands TO string 'em on the fence.
But gentlemen you'd better believe /
dropped that ere pile % duds mighty
water wasn't a cir
10 'em, and afore | could
,et nv hands into a pail o fresh |
water, ! thought my soul | should !
ose 'em boiEt. For about a mjnute,
was as and as a scratched Kitten.
finally thought / wouldn't wake up !
ny wife with my beIlering, but hang {
,ut the biIin' duds With the broom IL
landle and let 'em dream and dry on |
ha fances INIT the nla,-o,,au th;ncyui