Fremont weekly freeman. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1850-1853, 1852-02-14

written by Mr.. Soakum himself was certainly
penned by one of his warmest friends. Our
readers may be able to see some point to il,
but we confess that we caRGot We publish
it, because cur columns are open to both sides
of the question:
For the Freeman.
It came to pass in the days Of Kossuth, that
there was great commotion raised against
that honest and much traduced family, the
Soakums. So great was the cry raised by
the "Great-I-Am's of the Hypocritical family,
that it became necessary to put that family of
soakums out of the way, or there would be a
great scrabble for the seats in the high places;
and it not being revealed to whom the prefer
ence would be given, it came to pass that the
Hypoertes began to get wroth and fear that
their brethren, the Soakums, weuld outstriP
them in iuiquity, and .hereby possess them
selves Of the high seats in the synagogue,
and the hypOcrits would have to run on the
commons with the goats. And it came to pass
that the Hypocrites called great San HedEim
of their forces, and it was given out that there
would be great festival called; and that they
would have pos. offre; and that they would
have sundry other devices, both amusing and
interesting, to raise money to put down their
brethren, the Soakums
And it came to pass that the wise men of
the Synagogue convened fer the purpose of
consulting together, to see if they could not
put down the Soakums and save the money
that would be raised at the great feast that
was coming off
And when they had met together, the doors
were bolted and the windows barred, and they
were in total darkness for their deeds were
evil, and they loved the darkness And it
came to pass that when they had thus shut
themselves up, motion was made to elect the
most worthy brother to be the Chief Priest of
the meeting. 1t came to pass when the votes
were counted out each one had one vote for
for Chief Priest. Thereupon great commo-
ton arose about the worthyness of the candi-
dates and harsh words were spoken They
accused each other of beneYolence and chari-
ty. One was accused of speaking the truth
once, when it done better than lie. Anoth-
er was accused of having once been charitable
to widow and her orphan children-theugh
it had been long time snce.-One was accus-
ed of returning good for evil He was expell-
ed at once. And it came to pass when they
had got thus wrothy among themselves; one
accused brother with being in league with
the Soakums; and thereupen be took from
lis pocket black flask and knoced his brother
down The flask was broken by the concus-
sion. They began to chide their brother who
bod brokon his hofflo Rovinn unto him awe
be unto you; we will not let you partaks of
our brandy" whereupon their brother be-
come wrothy and smote one Of his brethren to
the floor, and then proceeded to maltreat him
severely. 1t came to pass that there was
blood relation present of the fallen man, who
attempted intervention in behalf of his fallen
brother. Thereupon the other brethren smote
him to the floor for attempting to show mer-
cy to a fallen brother. And it came to pass
that in the affray about half of the brethren
had their bottlos broken. So great was
the destruction that the floor became deluged
with whisky, and the brethren wept bitterly.
After the affray had somewhat subsidized, one
brother took the chair and claimed it jure diVi-
no, to which the others gave a reluctant as
sent.
The Chief Priest then arose and stated the
object of the meeting to be to devise some
means to put down their brethren, the Soak
ums He acclaimed loud and long against
them At length his throat became dry and
he asked the Secretary for the use of his bot
tie. But the Secretary being very well Vers-
ed in the discipline of his church, refused to
show any benevolence. Whereupon the Chef
Priest smote the Secretary, and then there
arose great scufhe for the bottles. 1t came
20 that cona uaro afraih of natfinnr
theirs broken; so they commenced drinking
the contents. The struggle continued for some
time, but in it each got sufficient to make him
forget for awhile the object of the meeting
The quality of Soakum' S brandy was discuss
ed with great uranimnity by all. At length
they all fell asleep-and had pleasant dreams
of the days "when we all got drunk together u
i 1t came to pass when the sun was high in
the heavens, they awoke from their slumbers
The Chief Priest took the chair-a motion
was made to adjourn till after the festival
: which was carried with unbOunded applause
A motion was then made to retire to Soakum's
back room and crack loo for the whisky
The Chief Priest thought the motion rather un
parliamentary; but as the object was the des-
tructien of Soakum's stock in trade, he would
put it. The motion carried; and the meeting
, adjourned to the place appointed. The last
that was seen of them, the High Priest was on
his knees, with straw in his hand, measure
ing which of two brothers was the nearest the
crack with their coppers; and when he wa:
about to proclaim his verdict, he tainted and
: his soul left him forever Soakum came into
the room Just then. and they all raised The
cry of $50 perish all who would raise hanc
against our brethren, the Soakums" WheI
we had those ugly dreams we were only il
fun. ~
GOVERNOR BIaLER's INAUGURAL-This doc
,oonoE ,,;1 bo eourd on o,r fret marc 1t Is