The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1852-07-02
rHE WEEKLY DISPATCH
THE DAILY DISPATCH.
From the Cin cinnati Sun.
How Mrs. Tweadle Made n Slight Mis-.
take
BY PETER PEPPERPoD, Esq


How Mrs. TweadIe Made a Slight Mis-.
take.
BY PETER PEPPERPoD, ESQ.
Mrs. Tweadle was a terribly jealous wo-
man. The moment Mr.. Tweatie tunfortu-
naiev for her peace of mind, a very handsome
gentlemanl departed from her sight, her breast
became racked with tormenting fears of his
being sedueed from his matrimonial allegiance,
and her imagination filled with horrible vis-
ions of his smiles and attentions being layished
on some artui creature more fascinating than
herself; not that she had any just grounds on
which 10 found her "green eyed" suspicious,
or Mr.. Tweade was a very model of affec
tionate husbands, and usually spent the great
er portions OF his evenings at home. But,
somehow, he was remarkably polite and at
ientse 10 females generally, and would no
more have permitted one to lack the shelter of
his umbrella when it rained, than he would
have thought TO fly. Moreover, he was great
fayorite with the fair sex generally; and when
ever any of his wife's lady friends paid her a
visit, he woke up to double his ordinary flow
Of pleasant speech and agreeablity of man.
ner and would never suffer them to return
home unaccOmpanied by his protecting arm.
Therefore, Mrs. Tweadle was jealous, and
grew daily more and more jealous, till her face
al length assumed as sour and green an aspect
as the Tind of an unripe water melon. None
out the very gliest of hags would she have
III the house as servants, though The Tweadle
cherubs were almost frightened into fits by
their presence, and Mr.. Tweadle asserted with
wry tuce of dsg ust, that only TO look at such
'infernal scarecrows" was enough to make q
sensitive man run away to the midst of some
solitary desert, and live a hermit all the rest of
his days. Nay, on the advent of one particu-
lar damsel, whose features were as coarse and
rough as an old shoe brush, and her eyes all
twisted into heap, as ii were, in one most ex-
cTuciating squnt, he said that his own organs
OF Vision were growing awry, and so fast, that
IN verv short time he should be compelled
10 turn his head twice round to look at an OBJ
iect in front of his face. But Mrs. Tweade
not 10 be changed in her purpose. Have
pretty servants, indeed and have Tweadle
making love TO them under her very nose -
Was II not a fact, that wherever pretty SER
wants were kept, the gentlemen, stricken with
strong prediliclion for the kitchen, as ii the
said pretty servants had only been hired as
sort of extra provision, especially provided for
their amusement.
friends were dropped from her list of accepted
visitors, Till nothing but contemplate ug illness
was to be seen in her abode. She shook her
list at The brig ht eyed seamstress who would
con tinue 10 parade her braZen face on the op
posite side OF the way, and draw down the
bind with savage gesture, as OF one shutting
out some hateful eyesore, and who felt that
she could burn the shameful hussy at the
stake and once when Mr.. Tweadle dared to
suggest the idea ofempioying lady clerks in
his store, in place of great lazy men who
would be doing themselves and their country
both service making fence rails or chopping
wood, she raised such storm as threatened to
almost lift the roof from the dwelling, and
nlpped that scandalous notion i'll the bud,
quick and forever.
The lady clerks, forsooth pretty con-
yenlent provision that would be ! When Mr..
Iweadle could indulge in forbidden sparkling
oy The quantity, under cover of business, with
as much ease as he would measure off yard
OF nbb0n OF tape.
Mr. L. made light of her jealous pickering,
aud laughed heartily at her hints and half ex-
pressed fears; and still more jealous grew his
suspicious wife. What lady was that he saw
home from the concerll Oh! to be sure. Miss
lilly. And what right had he to be gallantng
Young aides home from the concert! Who
vas Miss lilly, that she had any claim on a
married man? 'She is very charming lady,
assure GU, my DEAR" responded MIR. Twea-
die with "a smile. "Oh, indeed" came short
and snappish nom the lips of Mrs. Twea-
die, aud all The jaundiced bile in her nature
boiled in an instant. "Yes! No doubt you
sound Miss lilly rery charming lady. Very
Claiming; and so pretty, with her pretty baby
iace, all daubed over with paint, like some
common theater acterress, and so accomplish
ed with her sentimental sickness, ready to fall
INTO the arms OF the first gentleman who will
accept her. Certainly! Miss Tilly. won
Ger you did not run away with her. you seem
10 admire her so much-and she is so greatly
superior 10 men
no wonder Mr.. Tweadle was at length afraid
70 speak oi u female, or even speak word Of
praise touching any pretty bonnet he chanced
10 see, for Mrs. Tweadle's complaint at length
attained So violent pitch, that in the latter
case she would he sure TO jump at the conclu.
sion that has eyes were constantly roaming al
ter the beautiful faces the said bonnets enclos-
ed. Nay. she even became jealous OF the
hucKster women in MARKET utter one occasion
"hefeon Mr.. Tweadle received considerable
oe''ei measure IN quart of apple butter than
sae oid al the same herself. She first badgered
mf. iweadle sonndly, and refused tc believe
tnat ne could get extra measure unless some
"h'hs wrong was at the bottom of il; and the
very next market day, the bold faced vender OF
apple butter was favored with such q lecture
'6 ieinaie propriety, from the excited wife, as
oauaed two small urchins 10 open wide their
1yes VI astonlshnent, and cry out, g Crikey.
an she horsehy." We scarce need add,
'at mat pretty hucssier sold no more apple
ye'tsf TO the fweadle family nor was MIR.
1saole ever suffered 10 GO TO market again.
hen Mrs fweadie' jealous fame was con-
snIiefaoiy tanned by Certain Kind, disiaterest-
% Hiehd, IN the person 0i an exceedingly sharp
featured lady, whose chiefdeiight il was 10 spy
oa', ana s,ir up into hotter fermenf, aud gloat
"ser ali the weaknesses of her neighbors. She
'iteH called to console with her !. poor, dear