Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1852-11-03
MARTNsBURG, VA, WEDNESDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER
PLEASANT VARIETIES.


When is wall like fish, When it is
scaled
Why is chemist like a wit Because
be is furnished with good retorts.
Why is a man ascending Vesuvius like an
freshman trying to kiss pretty girly Be-
cause be wants to get at the crater's mouth.
Punch, speaking Of the influence Of good
dinners. says there is no Diplomatic dispute
in this world SO large that 1T cannot be COW
cred with table cloth"
When the Rev. Jesse Lee, the father Of
Methodism ia New England, was asked why
there were no doctors Of divinity in Ills de-
| nomination, he promptly replied, Because
our divinity is not sick.
The person who has not been grandmoth
err. knows nothing Of the anxieties Of this life.
1t is bad enough to have drunken husband,
but when you come to compare that affection
with two generations Of Group hopping cough.
and measles, you elevate sprained ankle TO
the dignity OF a broken leg, and class tooth
aches with apple plexy.
An English lady. on arriving at Calais, OF
her way to make q grand tour. was surprised,
and somewhat indignant, at being termed for
the first time in Ter life, "a foreigner" 'You
mistake, madam" said she to the libeller,
with some pique, sit is you who are foreigner
we are English"
During a recent FIRE, an old woman was
very anxious to go through street, which
was considered at the time dangerous but
all bnr 81
pushed one of the policemen aside, when that
worthy preserver Of the public peace said.
Nov, marin, you cant pass; if you do. you II
be killed, and then you'll blame as after
wards. sis
Once on time, Frenchman and Dutch
man were travelling in Pennsylvania, when
their horse lost shoe The drove up to a
blacksmith's shop and no one being in, they
proceeded to the house to inquire. The
Frenchman raped, and called out. as de
smitty within % 'sShtand back" says Hans,
"let me shpeak. 1sh her blacksmt' 5 shop en-
der house?'
A maiden lady, suspecting her female SER
want was RECALLING her beau upon the cold
mutton of the larder, called Betty, aud in
quired whether she did not bear some one
speaking with her, down stairs? "Ob. no,
ma'am," replied the girl, sit was only me
singing pslam! p ''You may amuse your
self, Betty" replied the maiden, with pslams,
but let's have no hims, Betty J. have q
great objection to hima." Betty curtesied,
withdrew, and took the hint.
B., who has since made quite noise
in the world, while at college, was called up
on to undergo an examination in astronomy.
On emerging from the ordeal, one Of his COM
panions asked him how he got off First
rate" said B; "they only asked me two
questions, and answered them both prompt
y and correctly" "What were the ques-
tions 7" "The first was, what is parallax?
and told them | didn't know and the Sec
ond was, can you calculate an eclipse 2 to
which | said no I'd like to see any body
answer two questions more correctly than
that"
A few evenings since, says the Boston
Journal, young sailor, passing up Washing
ton Street in somewhat inattentive manner,
came very near running down lady who
was sailing along just below the Old South
Church. Hastily stepping to one side in or
der to pass. he encountered the lady. who
made precisely similar movement at the
same time. Another mutual dodge brought
them again to stand STILL face to face; at
which Jack posted himself firmly on the curb
stone, saying: "Look here, madam, I'm an
| chored. Now, sec if you can pass; for shiv-
err my timbers i ! weigh anchor again until
have clear sea-