Washington telegraph., 1851-02-12

the cIOWO, the heartleSS raDOle, lduSu
and shout. and raised merry noise, no
matter if my heart was sick or gay. but
l was glad sometimes to see the long
tiers, the closely packed boxes, and the
stalls, each one with smiles, to hear the
loud laugh and the merry words, and
know that l was the cause of it ALTO
hear the loud hurrahs, to see them wave
their hats and handkerchiefs, when, with
a shrill whoop, jumped into the ring.
That would cheer me sometimes when
my heart belied the laugh upon my face,
the jest to which nv tongue gave ptter-
ance.
"Well so wears went on, until my
wife, my own beloved Mary, died; she
whom 1 loved so fon6ly and truly, l laid
to sleep in the cold damp earth; no one
could have thought that I, the jester, the
clown, the one who then laughed, could
weep! But, oh! how many hours have
passed beside that lonely grave my Ma
ry. she loved me as few women love; she
had trod on the same rough road, walked
beside me in my troubles and sorrows,
sharing what [ enjoyed, or suffering
without a murmur; and when | knew
earth was over, and the same grave dug
for her should take me in also. But she
had left me one whom l must watch
with anxiousness and love, if possible,
more than heretofore, my little daughter,
the image of her mother, my own little
pet, Mary.
Il struggled with the deep, the bitter
curse of poverty. Could [ have gained
a livelihood by toll, incessant hardship
and endurance, elsewhere. gladly would
[ have rushed to it, and blessed heaven
for its kindness. But no; poor, broken
down. miserable, wretched man-no pro-
fession, no business save the one follow
ed was still forced to drag on the
arena, where my wants allowed but a
very short, scanty respite upon my wifes
death.
But what cared the crowd? The
clown should not be sad; no, no, impos-
sibe for the ring-lester to weep, 1t was
a thing unheard of, and would raise
louder laugh than any of my liveliest sal
lies And so, with heart overburden-
ed, sick and faint, l was forced to laugh
and make merry.
| d
was little Mary! how her sweet artless
smiles Ii. up the gloom within my breast,
how her merry laugh made me feel
young and happy for the time, and with
what fondness, strange, aye, mad devo-
ton, did | hang upon every word, every
look of hers She grew and was beauti-
ful indeed.
"How many hcurs when the toll Of
my profession was over for the night, did
sit beside her little cot, and gaze upon
her as she lay sleeping before me. often,
very often, with smile playing upon
her lovely face, telling that her dreams
were sweet and pleasant, and making me
even smile myself as | looked upon her,
and wish that was young, and innocent,
as pure as she.
"And then what horrid, horrid, thoughts
came crowding in upon my feverlsh
brain. All! how I'd struggle and fight
with them, and | would weep and moan
aloud.
"For oh! thought; yes, the thought
would come, what if death should rob
me of her-her, my Mary-all, all l
loved on the wide earth--she, in whom
were concentrated all my affections, the
only one inducing me still to drag on my
weary life; what If the cold, strong, sure
arm of death, should smite her down in
all her purity and love!iness? True, she
would die sometime as did her mother,
as must 7, as must all of us, but should
that moment be while remained on
earth? Oh, how l prayed to God to ar
| l.r cki ipc
Yes, will you believe it, The clown
mark me, the cloaoa prayed! The one,
who, in fanciful attire leaped and rode.
Joking and making merry in the ring
he the one who wept beside the grave
of his own dear wife, prayed beside the
cot of his chld-he prayed for her.
"And then again, another and more
dreadful vision came to me-to which
the thought of death was nothing; should
she, growing more beautiful and fascina-
ting every hour, still continue the object
of my entire though and fall to sin! Oh
| God. the thought was sickening-then
how [ bent me down and prayed-:hen
how I trembled for the fate of my dear
child!
"London's no place for young, mo-
therless and beautiful girl-for temptation
and every allurement of sin and vice ex-
listed there. And should she fall. Would
that ere that moment, could see her a
corpse before me-
"Well, as I'd sit and gaze, and muse
on all this, and my thick coming fancy
passed before me, sometimes she would
wake; at first she was surprised to find
me there in tears, and sought to know
the cause; and she would say-'Dear
father. do go to rest, for you look pale,
very pale; yes, do go, father, for you own
little Mary asks YOU: then I'd kiss and