The southern press. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1850-1852, 1851-01-17

come pale. and-only the least bit-liabe to DO
blue about tho nose and fingers. Stays are an
FexcelIent contrivance: they give material sup
port to the old observation-disclosures ut home.
This il the secret Of their excellence.
| A womsn's ribs IRE narrow ut the top, and As
they approach the waist they widen, to allow
room for the lungs to play within them. If you
can prevent the ribs from widening, you can pre-
vent the lungs from playing, which they have no
right to do, and make them wosk. This you
accomplish by the agency of stays. 1t fortu-
nately happens that these lungs have work to do
the putting Of the breath Of life into the blood
--whici, they are unable to do properly when
crampsd for space; it becomes difficult to
them az it would be to you to play the trombone
in china-closet. By this compression Of the
chest, ladies' are made nervous, and become UNI
fit for much exertion they do moi, however, al
low us to suppose that they have lost tesh.--
There is fiction Of attire which would induce,
in speculative critic, tho belief that some in
tcrnnl fame had caused their waists to gutter,
and that the ribs had all run down into q lump,
which protrudes behind under the was' band
This appearance il, think "a fiction, and for my
| opinion have newspaper authority. In the pa
pers, it was written, one day last year, that the
| lump alluded to was tested with pin, upon the
person Of lady coming from the Isle of Man, and
| il was found not to be sensitive. Brandy exuded
| from the wound, for, in that case the projection
was bladder, in which the prudent housewife
was smuggling comfort in quiet way. The
touch Of pin changed all into discomfort, when
she found that she WIS converted into peripa.
tetic watering can-brandy-can | should have
| said se
"Your daughter comes down stairs dressed
with bouquet, Mt time when the dull seeker
of health and strength would have her to 60 up
stairs with a bed-candlestick. Your guests ar
rive. Young ladies thinly clad, and packed in
carriages, emerge, half stiAed, put out cold
foot protected by tilmy shoe, upon the pave
ment, and run, shivering, into the house. Well,
sir, we'll warm them presently. But suffer me
to leave you now, while you receive your
guests
IL know n Phyllis, fresh from the country,
who gets up at six, and goes to bed at ten who
knows no perfume but flower garden, ard has
worn no bandage to her waist except sash.
She is now in London, and desires to do as
others do. She is invited to your party, but is
not yet come; it may be well for me to call
upon her Why, in the name of Newgatc what
is going on! She is shrieking murder" on
The second floor. Up to the rescue! judi
cious maid directs me to the drawing-room =
It's only Miss a-trying on her stays
6 Here we are, sir, Phyllis aud |. You find
the room oppressive-'tis with perfume, Phyllis.
With foul air ah, your nice country nose de-
tects it; yes, there is foul air; not nasty, of
course, my dear, mixed, as it here is, with eau
de-cologne and patchouli. Pills are not nasty,
sugared. A grain or two of arsenic in each
might be not quite exactly neutrazed by sugar
but there is nothing like faith in good diges-
! ton. Why do the gentlemen cuddle the ladies'
and spin about the room 18th them like teeto-
tums? Oh, Phyllis Phyllis let me waltz with
Iyou. There, do you see how it is Faint are
you-g iddy-will you fall An ice will re-
fresh you. Spasms next. Phyllis, let me take
J you home.
snow then, sir, Phyllis has been put to bed
allow me to dance polka with your daughter.
Frail, elegant creature that she is A glass OF
wine--a macaroon-good. Sontag, yes, and
that dear novel That was delightful dance
now let us promenade. The room is close; a
glass of wine, an ice, and let us go to the deli
cious draught in the conservatory, or by that
door. is il not beautiful? The next quadre
Il look slyly at my watch, and Auber's grim
chorus rumbles within me, Foici minuit uoicl
minulP Another dance. How fond she seems
to be of macaroons. Supper. Ny dear sir,
will take good care of your daughter. One
sandwich. Champagne. Blancmange. Bon.
bon. Champagne. Sherry. Champagne. Tipsy
cake Brandy cherries Glass of wine. a
macaroon. Trinc. jelly. Champagne. Gus.
tard. Macaroon. The ladies' are being takep
care of. Yes; now in their absence we will
drink their health. and wink at each other. their
and our bad healths This il the happiest mo.
ment of orr lives; Mt two in the morning. with
dose Of Indigestion in the stomach, and three
hours more to come before we get to bed You.
my dear sir, hope that, on many occasions like
the present, you may see your friends around
you, looking as glassy-eved rs you have made
them look now. We will receive the ladies'
Nothing but champagne could have enabled
us to keep up the evening so well. We arc
getting weary before snpper-but we have had
aome wine, have dug the spur into our sides.
and on we go again. At length even the bottle
stimulates our worn-out company no more, and
then we separate. Good night, dear sir; we
have spen. very pleasant evening under your
roof
Tomorrow, when you depart from late
breakfast having seen your daughters face and
her boiled-mackerel-eye knowing that your wife
is bilious, and that your son has just gone Out
for soda-water, yon will feel yourself to be
Briton who has done his duty,-a man who has
paid something OH account Of his great debt to
civilized society.
TIL Y-FIRST CONGRE SIS
SECOND SESSION