Washington telegraph., 1851-09-10
OPPOSED TO MATRIMONY.

OPPOSED TO MATRIMONY.
Yankee scene from the Drama of "The
New York Firemep, Or the Heiress of
Bond street."
ais your family opposed to matrimony?"
"Wal, no; ! rather guess not seein' as
how my mother has had four husbands,
an stands pretty smart chance of havin'
another.
"Four husbands! is it possible?"
20, yes You see my mothers chris
tened name was Mehita Die Sheets, an
dads name was Jacob Press; aud when
they got married the printers said it was
nu,tin' the sheets to press. When was
horn. they said was the first edition
An you see mother used 10 be The tarnal-
ist critter to go to evenin meetin's. She
used to 90 out pretty late every night.
and dad was afraid I'd get in the same
habit. 50 he used TO put ne to bed at early
candeIight, cover me over with pillar.
an put me to sleep with a bootiack.
Wal, dad had to get up every night TO
Let mother in: if he didn't go down and
omen the door pretty darned quick, when
she cum, he'd ketch particular thunder;
SO dad used to sleep with his head out of
the wiuder, SOS to wake up quick; an
one night he got his head little too far
ont an he slipped out altogether; and
down dad cum, cahumux right on the
pavement, an smashed into ten thousand
pieces.
"What! was he killed by the fall?"
"WaI, no, not exactly toy the fall.
rather kinder sorter guess as how it was
the sudden fetch up upon the pavement
tba, killed him. Bpt nam she cum hum,
an found him lying thar, and she had him
swept up together, an put in a coffin, all
had a hole dug in the burryin' ground,
an had dad put in am buried up, an had
a white oak plank put up to his head,
an had it whnewashed all over for a
tombstone.
80, your mother was left poor lone
widow
"Wal. yes, but she didn't mind that
much; wasn't long before she married
Sam Hyde: you see she married Hyde
because he was just about dads size, aud
she wanted hlm to wear out dads old
clothes Wal, the way old Hyde used
10 hide me, was caution to my hide.
He had leelle of the toughest hide of
any hide but bulls hide. and the way
Hyde used to hide away liquor in his
hide was caution even to bulls hide.
Wal, one cold day. old Hyde go. his hide
SO tarned full o whiskey that he pitched
head first into snow bank. an there
he stuck an trIz 10 death. SO mann had
him pulled out, an iaid out, an then she
had another hole dug i'll the buryin
ground, aud had him buried, and then
she had another white oak plank put up
at his head, and whltewashed all over,
an"
so your mother was once again
widow"
"Oh. yes. but l guess she didn't lay
awake nights long, TO think about it. for
IN about three weeks she married John
Strong-an he was the strongest headed
cuss you ever did see. He went tishiu'
the olher day and got drowned; an he
was SO tarna strong headed. II be darn
ed to darna;lon II he didn't float right
against uc ClIIStlt duu luSy IOuNu MN
about three miles up the stream, an it
took three yoke of cattle to haul him out
Wal, nam had him buried along side O
tother two. an had white oak plank
put up at his head. an whltewashed all
over nice; an so there's three Oh ein all
in a row"
"And your mother was widow for
the third time
"Yes. but nam didn't seem to mind it
tarnal sight. The next feller she mar
red was Jacob Hayes. aud the way mann
does make him haze, is caution, now
ii! tell ye. II he does anything leetle
out o the way, nam makes him take
bucket and whiteWaSh brush, and 90
rlg'.t up 10 the buryin ground. aud white
wash the three oak planks, just to let
hun know what he may come 10 when
she's planted him in the same row, an
got married to the fifth husband. So You
see, my family arr't tarneI sigh opposed
10 dose OF n'atrlmony.
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