Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1851-06-20
FOR THE SPIRIT OF THE AGE.
INDICTMENT AGAINsToLD ALCOHOL.

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FOR THE SPIRIT OF THE AGE.
INDICTMENT AGAINST OLD ALCOHOL.
To the Court Of Uncommon Pleas, Greeting:
The Grand Jurors for and on behalf of the
United States of America, respectfully repre-
sent that Old Alcohol and his family, are gull
ty of murder, treason and rebellion, together
with all the crimes that come under our Grim
inal code of laws, and many that do not, as will
appear from the evidence of the following Ia
dies and gentlemen, sworn to before us in an
make.
Mr.. Truth-Testifed that old alcohol, aided
by several, and perhaps all his family, had !" en-
tered the councils of the nations and produced
loar, into the armies, and stirred up treason and
rebeUion-on board of ships, and caused rerot
and mutiny in the Legislative assemblies and
raised ui0lence and diScord-in churches, back
sliding and hypocricy-in families, unnatural
alienation and conjuga. infdelay, poverty, dis
ease and death every where.
Miss "Prudence, Virtue"-Testifed that che
defaces beauty, corrupts the blood, diminishes
strength, weakens the brain, and thereby de-
stroys reason, hardens the heart, is devil to
the soul, a thief to the purse, the beggar's CON-
panion,the wife's woe and children's sorrow,de-
grades man below the level of the brute, expo
ses him to all the sorrows of this world, and
hereafter to eternal damnation."
4 Miss" Charity ConScience"-Stated that he
had " caused signs, tears, groans, lawsuits, doc
tors bills,heresy, theft, witchcraft,pains, sorrow,
burglary, ship-wreck, horse racing, card playing
and, to stop at the shortest, and blasphemed
Almighty God"
u From the evidence of Mr.. Right" Mr..
= +" Goodinte1a," Mss Chastity" and Miss " Pu-
ritz" we learn that old alcohol has raised a
large family Of illegitimate children, and is now
Z living in a state of incest with his own offspring.
Old Alcohol is a scientific lecturer. He is a
most excellent phiIanthropist, delineating a
mans character not only blythe bumps, (and by
: the by he gets a great many bumps,) on his
I head, but also by the bruises on his body, to-
gether with the broken bones and dagger
wounds to which all his ~yotaries are subject. As
Il a SomnGmbulic mesmerizer, he has few equals.
He can put a man to sleep in short order, and
z keep him asleep for hours at a time, and in ma.
l ny instances he has been known to " hull the
spirit to repose," so deep that 'ftime's rafting
car" could not awake him and nought but de-
III mons in that " undiscovered country from whose
+ bourne no traveller returns" could rouse him
'e from his rest. He has a great deal to do with
y the " spiritual k~nockings," and creates perhaps
lie more knocking than all other mediums combin
ed. 1t is said all the knockers knock under tt
IN his knoekings.
is His eldest son is named Brandy, and is BY
n profession a Lawyer. He was born in France
te has a red, ford countenance, and his manner.
III and disposition are very sharp, but being nat
re urally a warm-heaTted fellow, he has secures
cd the good will of a large portion of the com
On munity and has consequently a large run 0
rs practice. He belongs among the aristocracy
OF under his order and recommendation, his fol
ay lowers and clients have adopted the very sin
all gular fashion of wearing a blossom on the EN-,
Err of their noses. His second son is Gale
ne Whiskey, and is by profession a doctor, thong
nd in reality he is only a quack, as he has neYe
IN, yet taken a regular course of lectures in an
es, of the Medical Colleges, though he frequent
ess visits them on a free ticket, as he has forged
diploma, stating that he is a graduate and COZ
sequently entitled to attend any Medical inst
tuition in the world, free of charge. Hayin
had a =" great consumption - ever since his brit
he has a naturally p~ale-face and weakly coul
~tenance. He is a down-cast looking scoundr
iSh but has travelled so much that he has game
IN very insinuating manners. Being a very ar
" fal and most consumate liar, heinvariably gair
= the good will of all who are not on their guar
nat He has very little skill as a practitioner exec
IN in curing snake bites, for which he has fe
SUI equals in the world.
ms His third son is called Rum, and was born
De New England. He is by trade and ~professit
an a Commission Merchant and Universal Agel
the but spends most of his time in dealing out Ps
.ale ent Rights. His most Successful patent is
ventilation IAN invention Of his own oetti
I'D up) whereby he can so construct shoes a
mas boots that when water gets in at one end,
m can get out at the other. He can fix hats
1lcht that the steam arising from an overheated i
ICED agination can find vent, and can even contri
the pantaloons and coats, so that when a man g
ling covered with feas, he can shake them off wi
h to out the trouble of taking off his clothes.
ID OF fact, he frequently fixes people so that they
emit without a coat altogether.
nifty His fourth child is a daughter named G
the She was born in New Holland. Her featu
not are beautiful, having a very delicate rose tr
a re- on her cheek, and when standing still, rathe
fol- lovely appearance, but her gait is very awkw
well and from the miserable manner she has of
ming ing into company, she has received the n
name of Sling, and is generally called Gin-Sli
dec She is a notorious, low-lifed character, ant
Dung the mother of several children by her Q
2 ex- father, some of whom are known by the nal
of Porter, Ale, Cherrybounce, &c, also by
of a "Brewer' - of England, named Beer, who be
few a little diminutive whelp, is called Small b
COM His fifth child is called Wine, and was /
t and in France and raised in the Madeira Island
orney He has a bright and lovely appearance, perl
b was the handsomest OF any OF the family, IS
alton markably affectionate and is looked on as a
ling by the ladies, and they are often 70
Us, of deep in love with him. He is by professf
words. dancing master and musician. He has
h ex- equals in teaching the advancing and retro
,ry.- ding steps, and as to promenading, none
10 one beat him, as he can in a short time shew a
lge he how to walk on both sides OF the road at G
place thereby enabling him to do without par
# he The greatest danger of his character is,