The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1851-07-04
SHORT PATENT SERMON.
BY DOW, JR.
Clacking WomGn.

S'"ChWS W oW"H'
Iea'--O! steep my feet in boiling oil,
Or put me on the rack;
But save me. while tarry here, .
From yonder woh,an's clack!
MY HEARERS: perhaps we male morals
ought not. generally speaking, to brag MUCH
about our faculties for restraining that 'un-
ruly member called the tongue; but do
think that women have no good reason to
say ANYTHlNG-for, if we are incompetent
in certain degree, women most certainly
are. in very uncertain degree. Their
foheqA are reedes shaken by the wind
splinters upon chesnut rail, that keep up a
buzzing and jarring so long US there is a
breath to move them. The least breeze of
passion that springs up in their bosoms, sets
their mil-clacl,s in operation; and, as for
stopping them, you might as well fire pop.
gun against thunder. Ur blow hand bel
lows against hurricane. They will talk,
like O poll-parrot, merely for the sake of
The noise. and, (giving them credi, for no
evil intention,) they persevere in jabberng,
without once rejecting that, what is music
10 them may be murder 10 others. oh! 40
man woman! wherefore art thou gifted
with such gigantic powers of CAB! Thou
woe!dst have bsen an sngel. hadst thou an
angels whisper.
My hearers: have been speaking Of wo'
men as whole. As regards their noisy
loquaciousness, there ore many beautiful ex-
cepti0ns. know some whose words have
fine fur. instead Of dog g.hair, upon them
whose tones are as soft and musical as the
mild breathings Of the Eoian harp-to
whom it is soothing to listen, and whose So
ciety is us sunshine to storm. beaten flower
But. oh make my bed under a timed
roof during q nigh. @: incossan, hail place
forty tom.cats at my window, all in full
feather (fur, should have said) for row;
bid me deliver an impressive discourse in q
grist. mill; soak my corns in boiling sou-
tion Of potash; bore my ears with a two
inch auger, or q congressional speech upon
the tariff; compel me TO endure the inhiction
of a fashionable opera; CRATE loaf sugar by
my side while arm preparing a sermon, on
Sunday; put me on the rack, if you choose
do anything you like, if you will only
save me from the everlasting cIack Of ,hu'
woman, whose MILDEsr tones are enough to
harrow up mans soul, shakespeare y
freeze his warm blood, and make each par>
ticulsr hair--whiskers. moustaches, and i'm.
perial incIuded-to stand on 'eend' like 5ris.
ties upon the back Of pup.worried boar
pig!
My hearers: am afraid that if say
much more about the GENTLER sex, my soul,
next week, will be as full of regrets as an
old cot is Of bed'bugs in August: never,he.
less, am bound to preach the truth to-day,
although the devil may tell me to morrow
that ought to be ashamed Of myself for 50
doing. But. when you see my nose project
ing from this old pulpit, know ye that care
not for the fear of man, the favor Of women,
nor the SCOTS of Satan. | let out the truth.
link, by link, and, it nm thought to libel
my brother man or my sister woman, let
heaven be my judge-the twelve apostles,
now above, constitute jury-and III ac>
cep, of anything for counsel other than
New York iawyer-I can't 60 THAT. In
soo,h, there is no useln trying to lessen the
noise Of talkstive woman's tongue BY up.
plying the oil of praise; for. the more you
grease i; BY fiauery, the faster 0nd louder
i, runs. Say not word; pu. putty IN your
ears, ard it may tire itself out.
But, my dear friends, we ought no, to be
too severe upon the sistsrhood-Heaven has
made them as they are. Their imperfec,lon
is no fault Of theirs, but un unavailable mis-
fortune.
Nature made man the strongest.
Bu, woman's tongue the longest.
And now, in conclusion, NV dear bre'h.
rem, if you will bu; count up your errors,
add to the sum total ell your actual faults,
you will ind that the account is 10 DO given
to the credit Of the feminine gender. Bear
and forbear-oyerlook trifles-f"rgive all
errors on the part Of the last and the lovIi st
Of Gods works-and say as DO: Woman,
with all thy faults, love ,lee sriLL!' So
mote it be!
A little Jewess attending the theatre a
"a avan;n~o e;nco vorv rnuch annnv.