The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1851-12-26
THE QUACK DOCTOR.

BOtuS.-Marbles?
!Sam-Yelh, them little pee-weelh.
Bolus.-Ppewees! Sammy.
'Sam.-l mean them Iltle brown breat
shut.
Bo!as.-(Wih dignity.)-Sammy them
is pills. pills of my own invention. The!
are intended 10 physic the whole Of tnl'
free, enlightened and sickly republic
They will make nv fortune, and yOur'n
too. If vou only roll 'em ou, good. and do
as tell you. Does the brown bread hold
oul?
Sam.-EeD a most, sir.
Eolus.-WeIl, throw in more sawdust.
Sawdust is an innocent medicine. Sammy,
what's your other name?
Sam -Thaw bonth, thir.
Bolus.-You are rightly named. ! ,alo
bones when saw you. You ought 10 be
a surgeon.
SAM "A thturgenn. what i,h that, thur?
Boius.-A Man who sd,cs bones that he
may see his daily bread. Hi life is a reg.
nlar game Of seesaw. He gets on his legs
by taking other peoples off. A doctor is
a different animal. make well folks sick
and sick folks sicker. At any rate they ge,
sick OF their bargain, if they trade with
| NE.
iSam.-Herh the paper, ,hu'.
Boius All! that's the journal that pub.
fishes my advertise Ahem! :" The
Impartial Hopergrass and County Macke-
rel Catcher,a a gazette sacrificed 10 Shore
and Sea, Meat, Drink. Physlc. Poetry. and
the M"raI DegraIaIicn OF Man " Solo
mon Bolus. NJ. D.. ID. d Double Distilled
- ~
fully and miscel!aneously chlorolorm hi,
fellow countrymen that he is rough and
ready TO cure all diseases, whether in the
head, neck. aims. trunk, chest. legs, toes,
OF lmag nation. in large or small doses at a
moments notice. Sign of the Mortar -
Call Immediately. Fire! Fire! Fire! Health
is wealth. N. b. No connection with the
scoundrel over the way. ALI! there's moth.
ing like advertising.
Enter Mr. and Mrs. Tiihcrshanks ]
Mrs. Wis this the pollecary's shop OF
DR.. Boreas!
Bolus.-I have the iormentIng pleasure
and hypocondrlnc honor of being DR.. Bo'
lus; druggls, and apotheccary, at your most
dilapldalpd service.
Mrs W-ThIs appears to be fire spo-
ken Young man.
BOlS Madam. your most in(erior II
is always my desire 10 be highlaluling.
Ahem. pray be seated. (ln taking seals,
they falI)
Nv W.-Oh, Moses in the meadow
grass.
.Mrs tV.-Mv stars. I vummv. Mr.
Understands. do believe 10 man pm
brok all to pieces.
BoIus.-l beg your most excrucialing
pardons. There-there. (rhey are scat.
ed, after som" grunling)
Mr. w. Doctor Bowlegs, will your pills
do us any good, think ye?
Bolus.-Let me try your pulse. Serious
case; red headed and double join'ed mul
Iierubs. Mr.. Wi.hershins, you won't live
ill von die.
Mr. W.-Massy sakes alive! Who'd a
though, ~
Mrs W DR.. Doeless, see what is the
mater Of me.
Bolus. You. Mrs. ShIvershanks. have
a rhmliipd polyanlhos aud squareloed mea-
Sles. see, by knocking YOU on the head.
there's nothing there. You are troubled in
the lorrld zone and circumbelbus. You
leel sort Of all overishness.
Mrs Yves, that | do.
BOlus.-No lme i to be lost. Sammy
Sawbones! here Sam! Fetch me two .roce
of An,.Fizzy- -wizzy Bomb.
shells. You must take two boxes, each,
after every meal Burn the boxes and
snuff the smoke Double the dose every
three davs.
.M JT-.Precious, precious s,ur!-
What's the price2
Bolus.-A trlle. SlO q groce-no charge
for boxes. In less Than a few spells you
will be a well man and so will vour wife.
Ereunt Mr. and Mrs W
Enter DR.. SquiHs. Siah Sma!ly. Bamrd
Laurelcater. and Cesar SnOWbaH
Here comes Old DR.. SquillS, my rivai.-
Good morning. Squilisl What has shaken
YOU up. tins morning? Permit me to say.
without Ga,:eeing, that you are a dose
cant stomach. Bah
!SqniHs. Infatuated Bolus! You are
stanuing on prrc,p:ce.
Bolus s-Superannuaied Sgulll>! It's no
such r"'ng. I'm in my own shoP-The
Magazine of Health aud Medical Arsenal
Of Useful Medicines.
Squill,.-( Coughing J DR.. Bolus! The
spirits OF your over.dused victims Use IN
Judgment against you.
Bolus-Squll>! There ain't enough OF
you lett TO keep YOU from coughing. AS
ior your pictims. YOU did for 'em so ihOroua.
". iha, they hav'n, got any spirits. Bah!
Sqn,ll>! Bah!
Squiiis -Bulus. must say your system
so operates on The arcana OF aurlcular yer.
bosity. as 10 derange the fundamental roots
Of superhumen sklence. Hire are my
witnesses. Slab, Laura and CGsar, please
10 iructiiy!
Laura i read in your advertisement
that you could cure everything.
Boius-So can, my dear Miss Laurel.
wafer, and more too.
Laura My ST. Lisuum VIte dance is
as lively as ever.
Boius. s.-P-rspvere. my dear, and take
the V.suvius Llnim-nt.
Siah.-Wal. yeou'd better fork over the
tin g,n YER tor the lnialiible Maltese Rats
bane. 'Ta,nt no eusi. wha'somedeVer.-
Instead Of killing the Varmln, The tarnai
critters like il, and eat ii all up. They
think u's reg'Iar tiibu. IS baouis' good
as Thanksgiving dinner tew 'em. Toast
ed cheese Is ieui tew il. So shell eout.
Bolu,.-Perseyere, Sish, pe'seVsEs. Buy |