Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1851-12-26

HOW they do things down East.

HOW they do things down East.
| We have heard the particulars of a funny lii
tie affair, the scene of which is laid in Calais Me
It proves that the uncertainties of love are il
some instances, fully eqnal to the uncertainties Q
law.
A few months since, gentleman, whom WI
shall give for the time the uncommon title o
Smith-became enamored Of one of the flares
daughters Of this city OF beauties She was al
ornament Of one of the highest circles-posses
sed of wealth as well as beauty, and hence wa
an object Of devotion TO many unmarried young
men. Smith, however, soon obtained the high
est place in her affections, and they were enga
gcd to be married. But before the happy even
took place, it was necessary for Smith to make
q visit to California, and he accordingly set on
for the land of gold. Every one knows that Cal
ifornia is q great way off, particularly from away
Down East, and that months must elapse ere tllC
| journey out and back can be made. Some O
our readers may possibly know that months are
ages TO young ladies on the verge of matrimony
and that sometimes what may require ages Il
accomplish, will at others be achieved in months
Wei, during the absence of Smith, the young
lady his atfianced, was beset with admirers, and
oh tickle woman, one triumphed over her ten
der and susceptible heart. We will call this for
tunate LOthario's name Haynes. Haynes de-
termned not TO be so unieeling as TO desert his
sweetheart az Smith had done, and had the wed.
ding day fixed for an early period. The wed
ding dresses were arranged-the nice new what
do-you-call-ems, with lace frills around the edges
were all carefully folded ard laid away III the
bureau drawers-a spank new suit of clothes
latest fashion, was made for the expectant bride
groom, and indeed every preparation was made
for the important event. Both parties had the
tin, and could afford to do it,
Meanwhile, poor Smith is on his way home
having made a capital in the land where "thev
hang paypa for Staying He is ignorant OF
the change that has taken place in the affections
of his betrothed, and his heart beats happily
and pleasantly as he nears his native home
lie arrives on the very evening on which the
nuptlG!s of his nconstant mistress are 10 take
place. Both bride and bride and bridegroom are
already attired in their wedding clothcs-eooq
clothes The bride is at her fathers house
the groom at his own. The ceremony is to take
place within all hour. Smith the deludod, rush
es 10 clasp his sweetheart TO his breast and kiss
from her cherry lips the chidings of his long a6-
sence. He enters the house. The inconstant
beholds him. She shreks. Smith is astound-
cd, for he thinks all that white satin and all that
bridal robe, and all those white kids, and so forth
mean something. She is attired as bride--bu
who is to be--the bridegroom 1t could not be
he, for she certainly could not have been made
aware Of his return. An explanation must be
made
"Juletta," cried Smith, what is the meaning
Of ell this B.?
Julietta hears but her agitation will noallow her
to reply. She Gazes ardently on the features of
her old lover, the tioodgates IF her heart--like
the locks on the Delaware and Rartan Canal
are being opened, and the waters Of her new love
are rapidly rushing ont, while those Of the old
arc rapidly rushing in. Her snowy bosom
heaves with emotion, her breathing becomes rap
id and spasrnodic. She thinks for moment Of
Haynes, then of her former love, he had pre-
emption right on her affections, and had pow
er to kick oUt all ntrudcrs. The lovely Great
ure fell flaming into the arms Of Smith, and ex-
claimed,
Dearest, dearest, forgive me l am yours
alone" proved pretty clearly tlatif she did not
love Haynes less, she loved Smith more.
The whole affair was explained in a moment,
She was attired for her nuptals, and why should
she not be wed A carriage was at the door,
and into t Smith, his inanlora!a and two friends,
entered.
The British Province that night contained
two Of the hGppiest married Inorlals in the
world
Let him who has been placed in similar pre-
dicamcnt, picture the Gspair Of IIaynes, on learn
ing how he had been tricked no one else can.
He has determined, however, not 70 commit sui
eide, but to become a lecturer on the new liquor
law Of his native State.
May he, like the happy pair, DO good 10 his c0un-
try Boston Times.
The above was handed us by friend, with
this endorsements" True, know it to be So
A CURIosITY.--We paid visit yesterday to
a specimen OF the human race before whom Tom
Thumb and all his brethren must sink into OBJ
security. The Object of our visit was little wo-
man from Merida. Iucatan, whence she arrived
here yesterday. She is apparently about thirty
years Of age, with black hair and light brown
complexion, regular ItcaaGd Of the poorer
class, born and raised in Merida She is about
three feet lHgh Cher precise height has not yet
been ascertained,) with the head, face and body
of full grown woman. Her lower limbs are
preposterously short, and apparently crooked
Her feet are remarkably email one has three
toes and other four. She is without entire arms
An inch or two Of what was to be limb, is seen
at the left shoulders at the right there is about
six inches Of an arm. The extremity is round
and smooth, and near it Oh the upper side Of the
limb is a small eXcresence Of flesh, white color
ed, looking Ike the end of finger, and about the
size Of rifle bullet. This appears TO serve the
woman in lieu of a finger. We saw her hold
cigarrit;o with il and smoke; and By its aid and
that Of her toes, in the use Of which She is very
dexterous, thread a fine needle, make various
kinds Of Stitches, use scissors, open the paper Of
a cigarritto, put the tobacco on the floor, pick it
up and replace it, relold the paper, bend the ends
tie the cgarriuo round wiki thread, &c. She
sews all her own clothes and very neatly too
All these operations are slowly gone through
with, exhibiting much patience on her part, and
considerable intelligence, as she has never tau,
anything. She speaks Spanish huentiy, appears
to be timorous and retiring but anilubIo aud
sprighty-N. o. Picayane
Great 2af Trap.
M J. II. Chestor,o the city of Cincinnati
has taken measures 10 secure patent far very
ingenious rat trap" Il is 50 constructed tina;
when Mr.. Rat enters and reaches forth TO snatch
the bait, bis weight acts upon spring trap door,
which suddenly opens and pcecipita;es him into
q dark chamber, IN which he can see only one
speck of light, for that he PUSHES into another
chamber, and by doing 50 sets the spring of the
trap door By touching q lever, and in this man
ner the trap is reset AMI kept set FOR any length
,,f time BIZ the animal themselves 50 that with