The Portsmouth inquirer. [volume] (Portsmouth, O. [Ohio]) 1849-1855, 1851-01-20
My chiei Annoyanoe IN Church.


Sitting in my pew at church, looked anx.
ionsly for the arrival ofthe minister. The door
opens and,he enters the pulpit. He isa "a
vorite Of mine, and congratulate MYSELF on tbe
prospect OF hearing good sermon Before tho
services commence child enters the new bas.
fore me, and shudder as gaze upon his nret.
ty little face, for know by experience that he
IS one of the noisest aud most restless children
that ever went to church. He commences his
performances as the minister begins reading the
first hymn. He jumps for the pile of hymn books
at the end ofthe pew, upsetS them on the floor,
and then tumbling among them himself, picks
them up and throws item back upon the seat.
He fnallygets one from his parents, with the
place found forhim, aud keeps tolerably quiet
till we rise tossing lnthe course of the sing
ing he is sure to tumble over the cricket two or
three times, and seems to be highly delighted at
his success in not hurting himself thereby
Singing over prayer commences. The Interest,"
ing boy sits up on the seat and puts his cow hide
boots against the back of the pew in front Of
him; they slip down Immediately as might be ex-
peeted, and make an awful noise, much to his
amusement. He then gets two or three fans
and commences playing calthumpian tune
with them. When this amusement has lost its
charms, he takes up the hymn-book and turns
over the leaves fast and dfuriously until the end
| of prayer. These anusementS he varies until
the sermon commences.
| The text is given out and the sermon is pro-
! crossing, giving promise Of veryrich treat
/ Our young friend has been invisible for some
moments, and begin to think is going to slum-
Der for the remainder of the day; afitie sentence
is nearly finished, and am anxiously waiting
to hear its conclusion, when an awful rustling
from the bottom ofthe pew in front OF me browns
the speakers voice. The boy has got hold ofa
newspaper, and for ten minutes, while he is fol-
Ding and re-folding it, and turning it this way
and that way, occasionally hear word or two
oil the sermon BY this time he is tired of the
paper ana gives 1t final squeeze, when all is
silent. Ills next appearance is standing up on
the seat directly between myself and the minis
ter, and making faces at me. This proceeding
necesSitates me to look exceedingly cross and to
Shake my fist at him., whereupon he yanishes.
In amoment more his fathers cane and mother 8
umbrella come tumbling upon the floor with a
crash that would have made a nervous person
jump. His efforts to repair this last catastrophe
are attended with some little confuson, and he
is accommodated with a situation next to the
door. He leans over the door and begins play
ing with the button, fastening and unfastening
It, until finally leaning forward too eagerly, the
door flies open, ahd he is projected into the
aisle, greatly to his surprise, and much to his
bodily discomfort. Ofcourse he begins to
Scream, and his mother has to carry him out OF
the house. Now he has gone, breathe long
breath, and listen with great gusto to the re-
mainder of the discourse. 1t mayseem strange,
but must confess that, though ordinarily ofa
meek and forgiving disposition, there are times
when | feel that twould be areat relief to
my feelings topunch thatboy's head: but nev-
er did-no, NEvER.-Cin Com.