Southern sentinel. [volume] (Plaquemine, Parish of Iberville [La.]) 1848-1858, 1851-11-29
Short Patent Sermon.
BY DOW, JR.

Or on the flOOr ashamed 10 SCRUB,
And cares not who calls in to see,
Her laboring so industriously,
Will make wife for you and me-
Ny hearers-It was ordained by heaven-
not by the devil-that every man should have
a wife and every woman be blessed wtha hus-
band In the begining God made two of the
genus homo of the opposite sex. The one ne
electrified positively and the other negatively,
so that when approximated: their mystical
effects could be produced from one to the other.
The how, why, and the wherefore, no mortal
has vet been able to understand neither is
it necessary that they should. The sexes ma
turaly approach and adhere to each other,
through some mysterious influence that admits
of no solution. Let it suffice that it is so.
When the Creator made Adam he saw that it
was not good for him to be alone, so he mes
merized the man; dug rib from his side with
out the least particle of pan-and from it he
made Eve, to be helpmate for him, as we'll as
fancy playthng. Now without knowing
what love was, they couldn't help loving the
moment they set their eyes upon one another.
He cast sleeps eyes at her at distance and
she threw some killing glances iu return that
fred his soul, and set his heart vibrating like
splinter upon chesnut rail in sou'wester
They finally came together just as natural as
couple of apple seeds in basin of water But
situated as they were at first, and having little
or no manual labor to perform-Eve could be
of little utility to Adam and Adam couldn't do
great deal for Eve. Still they loved and were
ready to assist each other, in any immergent
casualty, and SO when they found that aprons
were necessary, they sat to and with the needle
worked together for mutual good. Eve only
understood plain sewiug-she knew nothing
about your embroidery, lace-working, and pi-
o-playing. The couple were perfectly happy
in ther rude and rough state, until the old SER
pent got among'em, and even then they stuck to
each other through thick and thin--through
bramLling vicisitudes of life, from Paridise to
Perdition.
Nv brethren, since you know that marriage
is divine institution, and that every one ofyou
should have wife, what kind of rib would
you select! A pretty little useless doll, or a
woman big and spunky enough to wrestle with
bear and come off best? / imagine you
would care nothing for either; but you would
look for personal charms O,you foolish idol
ators at shine Of beauty! Know you not
| that hundreds of husbands have been made
miserable by handsome wives, and thousands
are happy in possession ofhomely ones?-home-
ly without and beautiful within. Alas! what
is beauty? 1t is flower that willis and withers
almost as soon as it is pucked, atransient rain
bow, feeting meteor, a deceitful will-o'wisp
submated moonshine. The kind of wife
you want is of good morals and knows how to
mend trowsers, who can reconcile peeling po
tatoes with practical or fashionable piety, who
can waltz with churn dash, and sing to tea
kettle, who understood broomology, and true
science of mopping-who knits stockings
without knitting her brows, and knits up he
husbands raveled sleeve of care, who prefer
sowing tares with her needle to sowing tare!
of scandle with her tongue. Such is decided.
a "better half" Take her if you can get her
wherefore you can find her--let her be up tt
her elbows in the suds of the wash tub, or pick
ing geese in COW stable.
My hearers-my next speaks of lady befor
the wash tub. You may think it absurd, bu
let me assure you that a female can be lad
before the wash tub, or in the kitchen, as muc
as in the drawing room or in the parlor. Wha
constitutes lady! 1t is not a costly dres:
paint for the cheeks, false hair, and still false
airs; but it is her general department, her inte
lectual endowments, and that evidence Of vii
tue which commands the respect and admire
ton of the world. She would be recognize
as a lady at once--it matters not where or
what situation-whether scorching bed bug
with red hot poker, or hollooing hallalujah {
a Methodist camp meeting. All that hav
farther to say, fellow bachelors, is, that whe
you marry, see that you get lady inside an
|, out-one who knows well how to keep the pt
boiling, and looks we'll to the houshold.
mout it be.