Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1851-05-02
DEACON SMITHS RULU;
or Mike Fink in a Tight Place.

| %iiu "ouiu tahe 10 tileir secret hiding places OF
the first intimation that Mike was about. Ye,
strange, though true, he was but little known be.
y"nd his immediate settlement"
When zoe knew him, he was an old mantle
blasts OF seventy winters had silvered DER his
head and taken the elasticity from his limbs, We,
IN the whole of his life was Mike never worsted
except on one occasion. To use his own Ian.
guage, he never gin in, used up. to anything
that travelled on two legs or four" but ouce.
That once we want" said Bill Slasher. as
some dozen of US sat in the bar-room of the old
tavern in the settlement
Gin it to us now Mike you've promised
long enough, and yon're old now and needn',
care" confined Bill
"Righ,, right, Bill, )" said Mike, "but we Il open
with Licker all round fus, it'll kind o'save NV
feelin's reckon
i" Thar that's good. Better than 'tother bar
rel if anything"
"Well boys" commenced Mike, you NAV
talk O your scrimnages, tight places and SIGH
like, and substract 'em altogether in one all
mighty big 'un, and they haint no more to be
compared TO the one war in, than dead kitten
to an old she bar! I've fout all kinds o. varmints.
from an lngun down to a rattlesnake, and was
never wlll,n to quit fust, but this once-and twas
| with a bull ~
\ on see boys, it was an awful hot day in
August, and war nigh runnn' off into pure lie
when war thinking that dip in the creek mout
save me. Well thar was mighty nice place in
Old Deacon Smiths medder for that particular
bizzinees. So went down among the bushe s
to unharuess. | list hauled the old red shirt
over my head, and war thinkin' how scrumptons
Teller of my size would feel wallerin' round in
that ar water, and jet bout goin in when seed
the old Deacon's bull maxim B-line to whar
stood
| knowed the old cuss, for he'd skar'd more
people than all the parsons O the settlement, and
cum mighty near kiln few. Thinks | Mike
you're in rather tight pace-get your fix Ms on,
or he'll be Grivin' them big horns O. his in yer
bowels afore that time! Well you'll hev to try
the old varmint naked, reckon.
The bull war on one side O. the creek and
on the other, and the way he made the sile fly
Tor while, as If he war digin' my grave, was
distressin!
Come on ye belerin old heathin, said 7. and
don't be standin' thar for, as the old Dea-
con says o. the devil, yer hot Comely to look
upon.
This kind O reached his understandn', and
made him more vicious, for he hoofed a little
like, and made drive. And as | don't like to
stand in anybody's way, gin him plenty sea
ROOM SO he kind O passed by me and come
out on the 'tother side, and as the captain of the
Mud Swamp Rangers wonld say, bout face for
mother charge"
Though | war ready for i'm this time, he
come mighty nigh runnin' fonl o me So
made up my mind the next time he went cut he
wouldn't be alone. SO when he passed. |
grappled his tail, and he pulled me out on the
sile, as soon war both a top of the bank
old brindle stopped, and war about cummn'
round agn when | begin pull'n the other
way.
"Well reck'n this kind o. riled him for he
fus stood stock still and looked at me spell and
commenced PAWN and bellerin, and the way he
made his hind gearin play i'll the air war beau
! titul.
But it war'nt no use, he couldn't tech me,
80 he kind o stopped to get wind for suthin dew
/ ish, as jedged by the way he started. By
this time, had made up my mind to stick to his
tail as long as it stuck to his backbone didn't
! like to boiler for help nuther, kase it war agn
my principles, and the deacon had preachin' at
his house, and it want far off, nuther.
II know'd if he bern the noise the hull con-
gregation would come down, and as | warn't q
married man, and had kind o hankerin arter q
gal that war thar, didn't feel as if would like
to DE seed in that ar predicament
80 says you old sarpent, do yer cussedst !!
And so he did, for he drug me over every baiar
and stump in the field, until | war sWeatin and
blecdin' like tat bar with O. pack of hounds at
his heels. And my name amt Mike Fink if the
old critters tail and didn't blow out sometimes
at dead level with the varmints back.
$50 you may kalkelate we made good time
Bime-by he Stacked his pace, and then had i'm
for spell, for jist drapped behind stump and
thar snnbbed the critter Now says |, you may
pull up this white oak stump-break yer tail
or jest hold bit till blow
"Well, while | war settin thar an idea struck
me that had better be gettn out o this some
way. But hoO adzackly was the pint. If let
go and run he'd be foul o me sure.
So lookin at the matter in all its bearns
cum to the conclusion that I'd better let some
body knor whar was ! So | gin a yell louder
than locomotive whistle, and it warn't long
atore | seed the deacon,s two dogs comm
down like as if they war seem which could git
thar tust.
u knowd who they war arter~-they'd jine
the bull again me l war sartin, for they were or
full wenemous and had a spite agin me.
&" So says old brIndle, as ridin is as ches . as
walkln, on this rout, if you We no objections, I'll
Jest take deck passage on that ar back O. yourn
So wasn't very long gettin astrde of him, then
if you'd bin thar, you ave sworn thar warn't
nothn human in that ar mir! the sle flew so
orfully as the crtter and rolled round tho field
one dog one side and one on tother tryin to
cHnch my feet.
u pray d and cuss'd and cuss'd and pray d
until couldn't tell which | did at last-a nd
neither warnt of no use they war so orfully
mixed up.
Well, reckon rid about an hour this way,
when old brndle thought it war time to stopto
take in supply of wind and cool off a little
So when We got round tot tree that stood thar
he naturally halted.
80 says l. old boy, you'll lose one passenger
sartin. So jist clum upon a branch kalkelatin
to roost thar TIL starved, afore I'd be rid round
in that ar way any longer.
Il war a maxim tracks for the top o the tree,
when heard suthin maxim an orful buzzin over
head. kinder looked up, and if thar want
well thars no nse of swearn now but it war
the biggest horneSt nest ever built
You'll gin in now, reckon, Mike, kase
thar's no help for you But an idea struck me-
then, that I'd stand heap better chance rdin
the ball than whar war Says |, old Teller, il
YOU Il hold on | Il ride 10 the next station! any
how let that be whar il will
So | Jest drapped aboard him aGin, and
'ooked alott to see what had gain'd in changin
quarters and, gentleman I'm liar if thar warn
, nigh half bushel varnnts ready to pitch into
me when the word go was gin.
| - WAL | varLDu rhnvr - ENr iol hands