The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1851-10-30


moment of which was brimful of happiness.
Maria lives farther away from me than Anna,
and we do not see each other as often it was
three years since we had met There were so
many questions to be asked and answered, so
many incidents to relate so much to talk OF,
that we had hardly begun our visit when the
time came for its close could not repress a
few tears, rs babe farewell 10 my sister and
her child Maria kissed me tenderly but there
were no tears in her ewes Well there was no
need that there should be; she was going back
to her husband and children-to those who
had been lonely in her absence and would well
come her with gladness. pictured to myself
their happy meeting, and sighed at the thought
! that in my home there was no face to brighten
ut my coming
The day had been dark and gloomy, with
sky threatening rain that began to fall AS the
evening set in Little Maggie went early to
bed, and was left alone. drew the curtains
put fresh coal upon the fire, and sat down in
the rockng-chair The room, rs | glanced
round it. looked very snug and cheerful The
carpet was gay-colored - the paper on the
walls was light and clean-the old-faShioned
clock in the corner licked in strong clear
voice-the brass knobs of the doors were bright
as hands could make them-sO were the cam
dlesticks ranged along the mantelpecc The
fire shone with red and drowsy glow-the old
cat slept mt nv feet-the candle burned dimly
ON the little stand
! 1t is very pleasant here, | thOught-or it
would be- rather, if | had any one with Inc
but am-alone don't think any but an
old maid can comprehend the full meaning Of
that word. A bachelor is solitary being GER
tainly, but men do not feel, like women the
need of home sympathy and home affections.
| To man, a bright Preside at his boarding
house is lust as cheerful rs if it were his own !;
the cOmpanonship of friend is as grateful to
him as that of wife or child would be, if he
had them lie does not feel any craving for
family JOYS he has no vacant chamber, haunt
ed hy sense of it, own loneliness, in has heart
Business the pursuit of wealth, the society of
his acquaintance suffice for him But | want
something dearer, tenderer more real than
this: and being unable to obtain it. | cannot
but feel an emptiness, void in life.
i!6s aiqo.oa sa!y ;.!o1.S ! Gz.l -. ~ ksstk .
Iers and sisters nephews and nieces they like
land esteem me with various degrees Of warmth,
'"' .l}g p4ff - F'o2aDr 10 IDem. ! .an poJyrt
Of their happiness while live and if died,
they would not miss me- ! should like to be
really necessary to the happiness of one human
being! 1t is vain wish, though, and might
as well ask for wings and expect that ! could
fly single women of my age are OF but small
account to any one.
Alone, alone 1t will be the lot of all
my future life, be that long or short and in
death | shall still be solitary. shall have
long illness perhaps and Anna or Maria will
come here to nurse me. | shall not make much
trouble hoppe shall try not to be exacting.
But Anna, she will be the one probably, as her
family is smaer-wll find it very lonely, and
she will feel anxious to be with her husband
and children She will do all that she can for
me- and do it kindly ungrudgingly-yet on the
whole it cannot but be Il relief when she sees
that her task will soon be ended
shall die. The clergyman will be present,
with Anna and her husband, Tor she will have
written TO him that | cannot last much longer
and that he had better come ON, if possible
Anna will weep when she sees that am going
and even Georges eyes may be wet with tears
short struggle, few quickly drawn breaths,
and all will be over. Only poor wOrn-out
body will lie upon the bed. God grant that the
spirit may have passed to happier regions
They will lay me out, and place me in the
paror-I shall lie there undsturbed. None
will come to gaze with anguish on my pale and
wasted features-no hot tears will fall upon my
face-no kiss be pressed upon my icy lips. A
few neighbors may step in, perhaps, to see the
corpse-and when the cloth is removed they
will say She is very natural or She is much
altered" ust rs the case may be. The same
remark will be made by those friends who have
been sent for to follow me to the grave.
After two or three days will come the flu
neral Some of the village people will be pres
emit, and there will be II respectable number of
mourners. A prayer will be offered, and the
old clcrgymcn will speak few words to the
living admonishing them to prepare for the
time when they, too must lie cold and motion
less as the corpse before them. The coffin will
be opened and all who wish can look at me for
the last time after that, the lid will be
screwed down and shall be carried to my long
home. Should the day be fine, some of my old
acquaintance will attend me on that last jour
ncy | can see now the half-dozen carriages
and the few people on foot, moving solemnly
onward till they reach the churchyard gate.
There they halt-the mourners descend from
the carriages and all walk slowly up the broad
path, and pause before an open vault The
coffin is lowercd-the gray-haircd old clergy
man steps forward and with head uncovered
prays beside the grave The bearers throw in
few shoyels full of earth--the clods fall heavily
upon the coffin The clergyman says, as |
have so often heard him, These afflicted
mourners thank you that you have buried their
dead away from their sight the little crowd
dlspcrscs, and the sexton hastily fills up the
grave.
They come back to this house-Maria, Anna,
and my brothers. The will is read, and then
they sit down to n late dinner There are no
tears, no stlled sobs. neither il there laughter
nor leyity. A decent seriousness pervades the
group.
The next day all will 90 to their own homes
but Anna and her husband-they will stay be-
hind to attend to the disposal of the furniture
and the closing of the house When this is
done, they too will 60 and the bare mound in
the churchyard will remain unvisited.
BY and by this house will be sold-other peo-
pie viii live in these rooms which have been
mine NJ long-other furniture will stand in the
place of those tme-honored relics which
brought hither from my own dear home. And
my memory will pass away from the earth.
1t is hard, it is hard. said and dropped n
tear. viii no human being think often of me
with n tender sorrow! Will no kind hand
plant flowers upon my grave-no eye weep that
have gone forever Not one.
And yet questioned myself, is it not better
so! Better to pass off quietly into oblivion,
leaving no trace behind us Is it not selfish to
wish that we may be n canse of pain and sorrow
to the hearts that we love besti Yes it as
scliish-but it is also natural
That is no excuse Mrs x would here
remark; grace ought to he strong enough to
conquer nature" Dear Mrs. K, have
great respect for your Judgment great rever-
ence for your opinions--but forgive me if | can
not quite give in my adherence to this sentiment
of yours Was there no grief of wounded feeling
in the reproachtul look which the Master turned
ON Peter, who denied him
snulied the candle, and resumed my musings.
II isparty my own fault ! said partly the
fault of circumstances that am thus alone