Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1851-03-15
81 Il1tagocogo SSs.etcn.
PATENT LABOR SAVING FLUID.

( Yankees adventures with bottle OF WASH
ing fluid is condensed from an article in the
Boston Museum.
Don't make yourself uneasy about the
ch;dren'S dresses, ladies, exclaimed labor
saving fluid-man, Il have few bottles OF
the patent transparent washing-ilud in my
! trunk, that will IN five minutes time, with
out the least labor or Inconvenience in the
world, man, renoyatr the dresses in IA man
ner that is truly astonishing, and bring back
| the color to few shades brighter than the
orignai tint
a raw-5oned Vermonter, sitting by our
side, and who until this time, kept as silent
as pine SLAB, here drew up bis long neck
! and exclaimed
Stranger, you'll! obIige me much by dis
continuing your remarks about your inter-
nal washing lluid for Pm in rather good
humor to-day, and don't wish to be 1itcd.
| once purchased bottle of that stuff, and
1t came nigh running me for life, and l've
! taken an oath to lick the first man that ever
offers me another bottle. / could tell you
yarn on that subject, that would bring the
tears 10 your eyes but Of course no man
wants TO hear yarn now.'
The Yankee proceeds with his yarn thus.
Having on such an application, made a pur-
chase, he proceeds 10 detail his experiment.
'My purchase was on Saturday afternoon,
about 3 O'Clock, and took my big black
bottle Of fluid, put it in my coat pocket and
started for home. Now, thinks | to my
sell, my viii always picksup her clothes on
Sunday night and does washing Monday
morning after breakfast; and so it would
be good joke, for me not to let her know
anything about the blessed llud, but get up
Monday morning, while she is asleep, put
the clothes in tub, pour on the fluid, stir
'em up with a sick and hang tnrm up to
dry. Lord SAYS to myself, right in the
street, as loud as am talking now, 'l'll do
it, by ginger, If have TO get up at two o.
clock! = So when gets home Just takes
the bottle of fluid out in the wood-shed. and
pokeS it up on high shelf among a lot Of
old beer-bottles and backing boxes, and
went whistling around the house just as if
pothing hadn't happened.''
Saturday night I went to market just as
usual and Sunday We both went 10 church
n the forenoon, and Staid at home and talk
ed about our future prospects in the alter
Roon; but | kept keeping still about the
iluid, and didn't let On but what I expected
she would do the washing next morning
Just the same as ever. But ! didn't sleep
much that night. kept thinking about
stirring up that tub OF clothes, and getting
'em out TO dry before DAYLIGHT. Once got
into a little short doze. and | dreamed was
swimming across a deep river OF gushing
fluid, and the rocks at the bottom and both
sides were all prtritied shirt-bosoms and
pillar-caSes, and there was an old washer
woman on the banks OF the river, who kept
stirring on US up with a long pole. !
reckon | woke mp about five O'clock for
twas Just about half between daylight and
dark, and could just see the ieastrst streal;
OF light in the world among the clouds
around the tops of the green mountains. l
turns over and looks at wife and she was
sleeping as sound as dead salmon: so |
carefully sid out o bed, hurried on my
! clothes, and in less than ten minutes, had
| the old wash-tub filled clear to the top with
| all of my wiie'S white clothes, and all
| could find OF my own. | poured in about
/ palliul-and half OF clean rainWGter, and
then goes ont into the woodshed, takes
down the bottle OF fluid, walks back to the
/ tub, and pours her all in Lord but
'twould have done You gool 10 hear it SIR !!
'Well,' says TO myself, 'if that's the dirt
] ont of
about it any way and guess its doing up
the thing handsomeIv.' So after letting il
SIR about a minute, takes up an old broom
handle that was standing near, whallops
the things about like lambs tail IN fly
time, for about three minutes, and then
takes hold of 'em with my hands 10 string
'em out on the fence. But gentlemen you'd
better believe dropped that ere pile o duds
mighty sudden !-bilin' water wasn't cir
cumstance TO 'em, and atore could ret my
hands into pail of fresh water, ! thought
my soul should loS- 'em both. For about
a minute, was as mad as a scratched kit
ten, finally thought | wouldn't wake up
my wife with my bellering, but hang out
the blin' duds with the old broom-handle
uilu lcl EN- NIthu anu NIN Oll thT iSuNN
but tAe plaguy things never c0oie3 10 the
last minute, and every time a drop of the
pesky fund spattered on my hands or face,
it burnt worse than half bushr ihll OF
live Goals. | soon got tired of that sport,
however, and before had out on the fence
half OF what was m the tub, Just washed
off my hands and face in some cool rain
water, and streaked it OF to bed. But
couldn't sleep a wink; my hands nainec
me so that had to keep blowing on ZEN
to keep from belleging, 50 says to my
wife, says /
+ Susan, hadn't you better gel up and pu
your clothes TO soak p
'Ho, h-u-m,' says she, rubbing her eye
with her thumb joint and kind o. winking
as if she was half asleep. 'Yes, John,
: guess ! had; but how long have you beel
: awake p
sOh, sometime,' says l, blowing m,
hands, and digging my legs with my toe
9 nails all the time to keep from groaning
q shut get up now. Susan. do, dear, or yo