Des Moines courier. ([Ottumwa] Iowa) 1848-1854, 1851-08-01
WHOLE NO. IA.



Eating, Drinking, & Thinking.
Text.
If man would be dry, let him drink, drink,
drink,
If man would be wise, let him think, think,
think.
II man would be rich, he must work, work,
work,
II he would be fat, eat pork, pork, pork.
Bur, If
A man with ease would study, he must eat,
eat, eat,
Butlittle at dinner, OF his meat, meat, meat;
And youth, to be distinguished in his art.
Must keep the girls aw.y from his heart,
heart, heart.
MY Hearers: to keep continually dry
always wear an oilcloth dress, carry a
good umbrella, and practice rum drink
ing. The first two articles, however,
are only essential in protecting the out
side from superabundant moisture; but
the latter keeps the inside as dry as a
s.ove-pipe. never knew drinker bu,
was eternally dry-dry in all kinds of
weather. He goes TO bed dry, gets up
dry, and keeps himself dry through the
day. It's not to be wondered al; for how
can he be otherwise than dry, when he
keeps the blue blazes of hell constantly
burning in his bosom, by pouring double
distilled damnation down his throat! In
fact, my brethren, the drunkard is forev-
er dry. The more he drinks the drier
he grows; on his death-bed he calls for
zone more drink for the last" and then
goes out Of the world as thirsty as though
he had lived upon salt Goldfish all the
days Of his lie. | shouldn't much won-
der if he called for a brandy cocktail at
the Bar of Judgement; and there is no
doubt but he would prefer going to To-
phet TO abiding in Heaven, If they only
sold rum there.
My friends: il you would be wise, you
must think. think, think. It's matter
Of doubt to me whether Eighty fools or
intelligent dogs do the most thinking -
You, perhaps, think you think as much
as the greatest of philosophers; but the
duce Of it is, what do you think about.
and what does it all amoun, tot The gems
OF wisdom lie deeply buried and they
can be obtained only by great mental
toll. You must dig for them, like dog
for woodchuck, or You don't ge, them.
The beginning of wisdom, said my old
friend Solomon, (and he knew a thing
or two,) is the fear of the Lord-to
which ! will add: A defiance of,he devil,
the doctor and sheriff.
My hearers; ifyou would be rich, you
must work-like new cider. ldleness
eats big holes through ones coat, jacket
and trowsers, and never provides means
10 mend them. You must WORK your
way to wealth. or you'll never get it,
By bodily and brainly exertion, remove
every obstacle that Doubt and Fear have
implanted in your paths--blass, il neces-
sary, the rock of salvation--and you will
acquire riches; but look out that you do
not bring plague upon your peace, and
lose your own soul at last.
My dear hearers: fyou would be fat,
eat pork and other kind of adipose mat
ter; and j ou will get as Eat as hog, and
twice as stupid. | have nothing further
to say upon this point.
But il, my hearers, you would study
with ease, and have the mind as active
as a squirrel in a cage. you must be care
ful not to weary the stomach with an
overload of meat and vegetables. The
brain and belly are near neighbors--
chum companions. They are SO iGenti-
fed. that whatever effects the one moves
the other. Fancy won't stay about the
premises while cart load of roast beef
and plum pudding is undergoing the pro-
cess OF digestion: and Imagination takes
wing to get out of smelling distance of
the disgustiul mass, To think. clearly,
you must eat little and stir your siumps.
My young he friends: If you would
make much headway in the world, and
arrive tany degree of proficiency in
your undertakings, you must keep the
girls away from your heart. They are
troublesome insects, we all know; but
you mustn't let them trouble you when
business demands your undivided atten-
,ion. Better marry them at tonce--com-
nit matrimonial suicide-than allow
them 70 plague you for a moment. So
mole il be
Dow, JR.