Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1851-10-24
From the Boston Weekly Museum.
The Maine Liquor Law: or, Paul Per.
ryWfnkIe's Last Glass.
BY FALCoNBRIDGE.

u1uer tne luHuence OF love, mas furnished end
less foundations for the romancer; but the love
OF ardent spirits, the insane passion and mad in-
fatuation for Rum has inveigied more bipeds in
to worse stupidity and utter ,extravagan. non
sense than all other evils and folIies IN the cata-
logue OF human existence. With some of the
ntatuatlon for liquid Perduion assumes a very
serious, yea tragical aspect, while with others il
takes such broad, emphatcally comic and lu-
dicrous ground, that the pencil of the caricaurst
and pen OF the humorist find endless themes in
depicting the gyratlons, genuieCtions, flip flaps
&c. of a human critter under the force of aqua
ariiente puro.
Such subject as the latter comes under our
notice, in the person of Paul Perrywinkle, OF
Pipkinville, State Of Maine. Paul was what
some people call bruiser. Ergo he did sigh
not after the tlesh-pots of Egypt, but that abom-
Unable and atrocious fabrication of the American
DistiIIer, dignifed with the name of French
Brandy. Like most worshippers at the shrine O:
Bacchus, Paul wasn't fasdious as to what he
drank, so 1t was alcohol, although he preferred
the dyed deep and more poisonous article, French
Brandy. 1t was the fortune-good fortune of
Paul, who, by the way, "ofhciated' on a stage
line, j. e., drove the horses from pipkinvilIe to
another "thriving village" not far from a splen-
did Yankee town called Bangor-to live to see
an act, by Legislature, that put down the damp
er on the entire flue of rum-sellers in the great
Pine State of Maine. That such thing could
be done as to stop grog-seing, squash the rum
business IN that or any other part of the Chris
tan world, was the richest joke Of the season TO
Paul, and he enjoyed it up TO the handle But
no less TO his modification than surprise one
morning, after driving "hul load" of the float
ing population into the aforesaid enterprsiug town
of Bangor, and feeling, of all times in his event
full life. eeIe of the darnedest kind of thirsty,
as he said, Paul was very soemnly informed by
the geRluS-iOci of the quarters he had long pat
ronzed-
"Nar. drop in my house, sir'
Paul looked, then looked again, at "honifacc,"
and as he looked, his broad and perfectly good.
humored cOuntenance looked mighty humorous,
his cunning gray eyes twinkled and lis large
and flexible mouth fairly run over with humor.
"Ha ha! Pipes" at length said Perrywinkle,
that ilcker-law is going to play the d and
break things, | guess they reckon, don't they p
"Ishouljn't WONDER responded Major Pipes
ella ha Wen I'll be logged if they mustn't
be a mighty peart set o peeps down to Angusty
last session, to pass that kind off law-stop folks
from selling Ticker, ha ha :" very heartily laugh
cd Paul somebody present venurod to remark
that the law was going to be pretty tough Job
to get over, anyhow. Perrywinkle turned on
tother heel as he leaned against the bar that was
and eyed the speaker
"a tough job? Why, you don't pretend for
to say" said Paul, that rum-sellin' can be stop
ped?"
yes, do" says the speaker.
"By them Augusty peeps ofthe Legislature ?"
"Fact; no sort o use doubling it, sir" was
the response.
well" slowly and drily said Perrywinkle,
81 Dunno I've lived around here about forty
years, I've seen good many funny things and
heard amazin' sight of nonsense in my time, but
| never did expect to see any man so logged
green as for to believe that rum-sellin' could be
put down by them peeps who go to Augusty to
set in the Legislature for two dollars a day
It's impossible; II can't be did - And this
opinion Perrywinkle cinched by rap with his
fist upon Pipes bar eohang!
But rot the peeps who set in the Legislature
down at Avgusty, for to make laws for rs as
doesn't en- continued Paul. "Pipes, hand out
the r. q. I'm dry as powder-horn drove
clean in from Ppkln this morning without a
dram"
"Nar-a drop in my house, sir ?" again respon-
ded the ex-Publican.
"Sho, Pipes, how you talk; tell you I'm dry
as powder-horn"
"Perrywpkle," solemnly replied Pipes Il tell
you it, against, the, law, to SELL a. drop Of, lik-
or, in Bangor, and rather than lose my liker,
sent it up to Portland last night by express, and
it's my opinion you won, find drop in town"
Not drop?'
"Not a drop"
"Wcll, as said afore, I've boon around here
forty years and I've been up to Boston two or
three times" said Perrywinkle, "and reckon
NC
man, but guess you couldn't get me to swoller
that. nohow! Set ont the bottle, Major dry as
powder-horn, tell YOU
"Thar's the BOTTLE returned Pipes, vulgarly
called Major, with a sort of melancholy gaze at
the piece of glass.
Bottle ?" says Perrywinkle, trying to look
funny and force up chuckle, why, there amt
anything in it -
Nara drop" calmly and soemny respond
ed Pipes.
"Do you really 60 to say" said Pcrrywinkle,
chat you haint got drop of liquor in your bar,
Major-that them Augusty peeps have shut you
up"
Nara drop in my bar sir answered Major
Pipes, AN more an that, not drop in my house;
them Augusty fellows have done the business
clean smack up. sir"
"WeA," emphaticaIly said Paul, "as said
dt0fe, ne continued Il We IiFeu around mere Tor
" years.
And thus soliloquizing and looking very much
"shocked," he strobe to the door and crossing
the street, entered another grocery" where the
crittar was usually to be had in quantities to suit
purchasers But 10 the proprietor Of this shop
was tearing down his bar and fitting up for the
shoe trade!
Paul wheeled on his heels, right-about-face,
in disgust,
swell, I'll be dod rot;ed," says he, "if I don't
believe some of these Bangor folks amt a get
tin skeeri! Ha ha stop feIIer's grog, that
would be poorly joke. Ha ha! Ia III bet
! find place where they amt skeert at Angus
~ peeps; make EN- quit sellin' ticker. Ho no!
no. All, here's the place" And down an alley
way pops Paul, in litter at the idea OF q man
gong without his btters in Bangor. Now, this
temple of Bacchus was always kept open upon
the sly" and hence the patrons were always eX-
pected 70 resort to sort of deaf-and-dumb alpha
bet and hocus-pocus formula to be understood
"Mornn." says Paul as he slept in and closed
the door, and faced the vanished and s.eek-iook-
ing proprietor Of the ranchs Captain John, no"
is things ,"
"Oh, workin', workin' - was the response
"lIot morning" continued Paul, wlPlng his
bronznd forehead and looking a. he felt, hot and
thirsty a a smelling furnace. "Phew-w / 5
hot: guess. Captain John, I'll take sma4 of
your sweet marjorum, my old BOY -
l.