The Abbeville banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1847-1869, 1851-05-03
DOdging a Militia Fine.
BY THE YOUNG TN.


In days gone by, when Objectionable mill
tia laws were in force in Massachusetts, the !
customary draft was made in country town,
few miles from Boston; and notice to !
"appear, armed and equipped according to !
law" was left ut the boarding house Of
way, who possessed very little martial emu
sic" in his soul. Determined that he would
neither train nor pay fine, and entertain
ing, withal, Il very indifferent opinion Of the
utility of the system, he took no notice of
the summons. Having been duly warned,
however, as he anticipated, at the expiration
of few weeks the sergeant waited upon
him with bill of nine shillings for non-.t-
tendance at the muster.
"You're fined, sir, nine shlings, for non
appearance"
"What is it!" asked the wag, pretending
to misunderstood the collector
"a fine for not training" bawled the
other.
"Well, l shan't pay it," replied the wag.
"It will be three dollars next time call"
said the collector.
But the wag couldn't hear II word he said,
and in the course of another month he re-
ccivcd a peremptory summons to appear
forthwith at a court-martial in the district,
instituted for the purpose of trying delin-
quents, and collecting such fines rs could be
scared out of the non-pcrformers Of duty.
Having fixed upon final plan to dodge the
issue, at the appointed hour he waited upon
the court, ITO show cause, if any he had,
why he shouldn't willingly have totcd
Inusket and knapsack about the town for
twelve mortal hours, and otherwise perform
the legal duties of live patriot"
He was ushered into the courtroom i'm.
medialely-which was held in an old coun-
try house-wllere he discovered some three
or four persons seated, attrcd in llaslly rcgi-
mentals, and whose awful "yaer epolctts
alone were sufficient to command the atten-
ton and respect of the profoundcst bcholder.
Though somewhat disconnected ut this rather
unexpected sight OF spurs and buttons, he
put bold face on the matter and respond
ing to the direction Of the Junior member of
the august court, he advanced to the table,
and the chief functionary commenced the
examination.
"Your name, sir2"
The offender placed his hand to the side
of his head, without uttering a word or
moving muscle in his face.
What is your name9" repeated the
questioner, in a loud tone
"a little louder" said The wag, without
replying.
"Nnme!' !'' shouted the Judge.
I" Franklin, Bristol county"
What business do YOU foow2"
Broad street," said the delinquent.
Your business! :" yelled the Judge.
"Right-hand side, as you go up"
"How long have you been therey'
"About two miles and half"
I" How old are you :" continued the JUDGE.
becoming quite nervous.
" Boss carpenter"
"What's the matter with your ears Z"
"Dr. Scarpie's oil sometimes, and some
times DIR. Currents ointment"
why don't YOU answer?"
Nearly two years"
lies deaf rs an adder" remarked the
Judge, turning round to his subordinates
earnestly. "Clear the lubber out"
"iou are not liable to perform military
duty" said the secretary, with his mouth to
the wags car.
Eno'o that" said the fellow coolly.
His hearing improves" ventured the
sergeant.
what do you suppose we sit here for r.
asked the Judge, in a loud voice, at last.
" "A dollar and half day." said the
prisoner.
Z" He may 60, Mr.. Sergeant" replied the
Judge.
"You can Co." said the under officer.
pointing to the door,
But our friend took no notice Of the Or
der
"You may 60" yelled the Judge. "Is
1t possible man can be rs deaf as ali that 2"
" Can't say" continued the delinquent
pretending not to understand, "but should
think"
"Go-go" screamed the Judge; "you
have nothing to pay. pity the General
who has regiment like you to command |!
Show him the door, Major!" and our hero
found himself at liberty.
lie was never again summoned to train.
during his residence in that town.
GB- certain Divine, about To CHANCE
his congregation, mentioned that subject
from the pulpit. After service was over. an
old negro man, who was one of his admir-
ers, went up to him and desired to know the
motives of leaving bis first flock. The par.
son answered,
II have CALL"
called youa" eO' WIZ
THE Lord" answered the parson.
LAY Massa, lie call youl"