Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1851-07-16
SCRIPSCRAPOLOGIA.

ABAD LOOKING FELLow.-Many years
ago, certain jolly judge in Central Ohio
was holding term of court, when horse
thief, of most vilanous aspect, was arraIgn-
ed before him. Horse thieves in those days
were looked upon with especial disfavo'.
and unfortunately for this particular culprii,
he wore mighty bad countenance. In facf,
his face condemned him at once. The Judge
was wralhful, and thus addressed the prison.
er at the bar, much TO the amusement of the
court room, "Hold up your head, y ou cuss-
ed 'ornory pup-look the cour! in the eye
"Pom?ey, did you take the billet to Mr..
Jones -
'Es, massa."
"Did you see him? -
'sEs, sar, me jus dd.''
"How was he?
"Woy, msssa, he looked poorly well,
'sdering he so blind -
"Bllnd what do you mean by that :"
"Woy, massy, when was in de room,
gibbing him de paper, he axed me whar
was my hat; and, massa, perhaps you won't
believe me, he wur on de top oh my head
de hull time.''
young lady asked Old Roger the iea-
son why man loved his second wife the
best? lie was taken rather aback by the
question. 1t was matter that he knew
nothing about, for he bad all his life persis-
ted in saying tha. he had no interest in the
estate of wedlock, yet he ventured an an
ever. "Why, my DEAR" said he, 81 sup
pose it is because q man prefers liuing
wife,"
DWELL, Pat, Jim didn't quite kill you with
that brick-bat, did he %
"No, but wish he had"
"What for -
$50 could have seen him hung, the vii
liam"
Noses SMELL.-"ITow dreadfuily tina.
cigar smells exclaimed Gushing to COM
panion, "why IT'S an awful smelling thing"
"Oho, no it's not the cigar that smells,''
was the reply.
"What is it then ~ inquired Cushing.
"Why, i.'s your nose that smells, Of
course that's what noses are made for"
A wag in an English paper, where light
wags are seldom found, speaking Of Barn
um says 1.-THE grea. Snowman has reaped
Ia golden harvest in the South and Vest
Allah IL .Al~! there is but one Barnum,
and Jenny Lind is his profit"
When person loses his reputation, the
very last place where he goes 10 look for
it is the place where he has los. it.
"Why don't you put on clean shirt -
said swell the other nigh. to his compan-
ion ",hen the girls will smile upon you as
they do upon me.' s'Everybody can's af-
ford to wear a clean shirt every day as you
CAM" was the reply. "Why no,?" said
white collar. "Because," said soiled collar,
''everybody's mothers is not wash wo-
man."
A young lady, at an examination in gram
mar, was asked why the noun "bachelor"
was singular? She replied Immediately,
with much naivette, "Because i. is very sin
gular they don't get married.'
A poor fellow who took the overland
route to California, writes back that he was
so hard run in May last, that he had to boil
his cotton umbrella for greens-for knuc
kle of ham, he had TO use his old shoe.
AN OLD SAW ABOUT MARRIAGE.-Mar-
riage is like roast leg Of mutton on Sun
dey-served up cold on Monday, picked on
Tuesday, and hashed up on Wednesday,
Marriage is the sunshine Of life beneath its
genial influence spring up the best affections
and the nobest virtues of man, which in the
s,erili!y Of selfish celibacy would have lain
dormant and useless.
A young man who has recently taken a
wife, says he did not find it half so hard to
get married as he did to ge. The furniture.
BAFFLED WATcHMAN.-A pleasant young
fellow, about half-seas over, passing through
the Strand, London, at late hour, was ac-
cos,ed by a wa,chman, who began, with all
the insoence Of office, to file string Of in
terrogalories, in the hope being handsome
ly paid for his trouble.
"What is your name, Sir -
give shillings."
"Where do you live :"
"Om Of the Kings dominions.'
"Where have you been ,"
"Where YOU would have been with all
your heart"
"Where are you going"
"Where you dare no. go for your ears"
The oflicious guardian of the night
thought these answers sufficient to warrant
him to take the young man to the watch
house. The next morning, on being brought
before the magistrate he told his worship,
that as to the frs, question, his name was
Thomas Crown; with regard to the second,
he lived in Little Britain !; to the third, he
had been taking glass of wine with friend;
and that as to the last, said he, 81 was 60
ing home to my wife" The magistrate re-
prinanded the watchman in severe terms,