The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1851-12-10

From the Albany Dutchman
CrN.Mba for MI kinds of Chickens.


>eep doubt and indecision from the bench, ia for
he bench to listen to only one side This is the
same Blackstone, who once charged jury as
follows:
"Gentlcmen-Thls is an action brought by
the plaintiff a canst The defendant. You have
heard the evidence on both sides, and the court
to know already. The case is very |
plain one, and if upon careful review OF the
tie testimony, you should think the plaintiff entitled
t, n verdict, the decision must be IN his favor
but IT, on the contrary, it should appear that the
defendant ought to be the plointif in this suit,
You will please bring in verdict to that effect,
brlcvc that is about all that is to be said in the
matter If you think Of anything else that !
ought 10 say, however, have no objection to
mention it,"
For event handed justice this, charge even
takes down those for which Recorder Wright is
distinguished.
"A person never thinks so meanly of amb-
lien as when walking through grave yard. To
see men who have filled the world with their
glory for n half century more, reduced to
six foot mud hole gives pride Il shock which re-
quires long stay in city to counterfeit The
gentlemen who are now "spokcn of for the
Pr, sdcncy,' will in less than a century have
their bones carried away TO make room for
street sewer. Queer creature that man well,
he is.
The philosophy Of the present age is pccu-
larIy the philosophy of outsides Few dive
deeper into the human breast than the bosom
of the shirt Who could doubt the heart that
beats beneath cambria front; who imagine
that hand accustomed to dirty work which is
enveloped in white kidd What Prometheus
81. - h..
man-the one made human beings out of clay,
the ether cuts characters out of broad CLOTH
Gentilty is, with us, thing of the goose and
shears.
Nothing aston;shes after we get used to
it.. Our women are Mortified to think that the
ladies of china con(ine their feet in iron shoes ;
and vet these same women think that TO beautIfy
the form, nothing is so sautary as to crush the
ribs with a p1ir of corsets. The Indian girl
who thinks that she adds to her charms by daub-
ING saucer full of yellow ochre on her face, is
looked upon by her fashionable sister of Waver-
ley Place as a barbarian--an hour after which
the beauty of Waverlcy Place will be found in
her boudoir, adding ga tone to her color with
"a shilling's worth of carminc." Singular hal
lucination, isn't?
-Dabstcr SAYS he would not mind living a
bachelor, but when he comes to think that bach
elors must die-that they have got to 90 down
to the grave ''without any body to cry for him
it gives him chill that frost bites his philos-
ophy. Dabster was seen on Tuesday evening,
going convoy TO Il miliiner, Putting this fact
to the other, and we think we "slncil some
thing as the fellow said when his shirt took
| fire.
Dan Marble says he once partook of roos-
ter so old that he was bald headed. To get the
| feathers out, the "house GAL had to use claw
hammcr-while the old creature was so tena-
cious of life, that after being baked two hours,
he continued to crow. With few leather
pickles, such poltry must be inviting.
| There is a singer in this city who is trying
to improve his Voice by feeding on muf!ied
drums We shall report his progress in an
extra.
The report that canal boat blew up on
Mond,y last. destroying the captain, seems to
be nnf,uuded 1t appears now, that the cham
bernaid sbew up the captain for undertaking
to destroy the canal boat. We have sent a
corps of reporters to ascertain particulars.
Mrs Smithers says if she could oace see
the day when she owned Il house surrounded by
a CO Ionic, placed in garden with turpentine
walks, terminating in an otto of rocks, she
could die happy. We hope the old lady will
yet realise her hopes.
To Ron DEATH OF IT'S TEREoRs. Get sea-
sick. 1t beats rum and virtue all hollow.
| Mrs. Fantadlng says if she should ever
| catch her husband galavanting another woman,
she would give him beating that would make
him cry copUci for the remainder of his life
The old lady meant to have said peceaui.
Summer is gone sure enough. We took a
stroll into the country the other day, and all
that was left of ssthe painted days of june" were
against an out house.
Among all the curiosites Just added to the
Piserinctum Institute is ''a caravan AZ years
| old, stuffed
Winchell says the people in Alabama are
so hard run for eggs, that they have to set their
turkeys on Carolina patatoes
There is to be a hog race at Lansingburgh
on Monday evening next, for two pals of swiIl
Somebody is wanted to hold the stakcs-who'll
| respond?
-"Bob, what yer doing now"
"Aiding Nat'ral History"
"Aidiny Nat raj History-what do yer mean
by that
"Why every time the kangaroo jumps over
the monkey, hold him..
The following good sentiment we find in
| the "opening address delivered last month, be-
| fore the American lnstitute-ssFranklin and
Morse-one tanned lightning, and the other
| taught it to write"
The man who was arrested in Arkansas
last week, for assault and battery, got clear by
proving that he was at the time complained Of
''too drunk to lift his fist" A novel defence
| that.
-Ollapod says nobody who has ever seen a
creditor in skates, can doubt for a moment that
m1n is free agent.
| Letter from Mr.. Thru Shcr.