The Portsmouth inquirer. [volume] (Portsmouth, O. [Ohio]) 1849-1855, 1851-03-10
40
Fallaoies Of the eentlemen.
BY A LADY VINO UrroRrurArfIr KNOWS rnEM

.a ONLY TOO WELL.
That women are only born to be their
slaves. That dinner is to BE- ready forthem
the very minute they come into the house,
That lady's bonnet can be put on as quick
" as gentlemans hat That we can dress
in minute; and that ringing the bell vio-
ently has the effect Of making us dress one
bit the quicker That they can do every
thing SO much better than we can, from nur-
sing the baby downto poking the fire. That
they are 'the Lords of The Creation-(p (pretty
lords, indeed )--That nothing can be too good
for them; forl amsure if you were 10 put
hot joint before them every day that still
they would be dissatisfied, and would be
grumbiing that you never gave them cold
meat. That they know our age SO much
better than we ourselves. (lt's SO very likelyD
That they may invite whom and as many as
they please, but if we only invite our NAM
ma to come and stop with us, or just ask
dear unmarried sister or two to stop with US
for month, that there is to be no peace for
us as long as they remain in the house. That
music can be learned without practising,
and that it is necessary for them 10 rush out
and to slam the door violently the very mo-
ment we-begin to open our voices, or orun
over the last new Polka. That sleeping after
dinner promotes conversation. That they
know what dress and bonnet becom IS as SO
much better than we do. That it is necessa-
ry to make poor woman cry because stu
pid shirt-button happens to be off. ldeclare
some men must believe that their wives cut
Off their shirt-b buttons purposely, from the
savage pleasure they take in abusing them
iorit. That we are not allowed to faint, or
to have the smallest fit of Mysteries, without
being told mot TO make fool Of ourselves
That housekeeping does not require any
money, and if we venture to ask for any, that
it is pleasant to be met with all sorts of
black looks and insinuations as to 'what we
can do with it ALI" or very agreeable to be
told that we will be the ruin of him some
day Il should like to see the day!j That
the house never requires cleaning, or the ta-
blas rubbing, or the carpets beating, or the
furniture renewing, or the sofas fresh covers,
or. in fact, that anything has right to wear
out, or to be spoilt, or broken; and, in short,
that eve,y thing ought to last forever That
poor lone woman is never to have any
| pleasure, but always, always, to stop at home,
and mind her children Il am tired Of
such nonsense.) That the wish to go to the
Opera is the sure prelude toa quarrel. That
their daughters can learn music, painting,
playing, dancing, and all the accomplish
ments, without the aid of single maser.---
That the expenses of ones house old do not
increase with ones family, but, rather, that
ten children can be supported for the same
cost as one. That no husband is perfect,
| like Hercules, without his club, and that the
less wife sees Of her husband, the fonder
she actually grows of him. That it is a
| pleasure for us to sit up for them ~
Our fair correspondent says, she thinks
the above falacies are enough for the present.
and we certainly agree with her; but if the
gentlemen show any more of their airs, she
declares that she will give them lot more.l
Punch.