The Minnesota pioneer. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn. Territory) 1849-1855, 1851-01-30

Funny Resolutions.

Funny Resolutions.
The Law Students at the Cumberland
University, Tenn. lately held Union
meeting. A committee appointed f,r
the purpose, presented a very digniied
set OF resolution, which minority OF
the committee thought treated the mat
ter too seriously, and they accordingly
presented series containing consider
able hu,nor. A lengthy discussion took
place between the wags and dignificials,
when Mr. Ewing offered the following
humorous addendum as an amendment
to the minority report, which was addps
ted almost unanimously.
And WHEREAS, We being a portion
of the free and magnanilnous---that is
grcat--people Of this mighty and inde-
pendent country, and under the high
and distinguished prerogative guaran-
tied TO us--that is granted--by that
great charter of our liberties--tha, is
the Consiitution--for which Wash
ington fought, a Henry thundered, and
Warren died, we have assembled our-
selves peaceab!y together--that is, the
Constitution will not bear us out in any
fsticu6s in our momentoas proceeding
Tor the purpose of maintaining the gov
ernment, nullifying nulific alton, abel
ishing abolitionism, and, uniting the
Union. s.e,- .r,--
And WHEREAS, We have witnessed
the capers Of certain bloods Of South
Carolina, famiIiarly known as Fire
Eaters" but more classically styled
Quattlebums in that, that they have
wickedIy, and with malice aforethought
that is, not having the fear Of hemp be-
ishing the United States, and the whole
Yankee nation, by tremendous g tenn
pest in a tea pot" as one Of old ex-
presses it---that is, by wind--whereby
they threaten the disruption--that is,
bursting up--of this great and glorious
Union. .... .t.
And WHEREAS, We have recently
seen the soil Of this chivalric State
that is, great for fghting-which con-
tains the bones Of the venerated JACK
SON, desecrated by the unhallowed fee,
of these seditious agitaors--that is fiat
footed traitofs--to wit: at the so called
Southern Cow ention at Nashville, where
at they concocted extensive wind-works
by which they expected to blow the
Union to atoms, the Yankees to the
devil, and themselves into Office under
the new regime--that is the Quatt.e-
bum confederacy. These and divers
other swells they threaten to cut--too
tod hnr tp -lf no IA
of the insoIent language which they as
sever--that is declare--one frederick
| Douglass, free man of color, of the
State of New York, and Ger ain of his
conferates, and one Abby Kelly, yoe-
man that is, a female mrn-have en-
ployed against the right Of the Quattle-
buns aforesaid to reclaim their runway
negroes At this offence from the said
Federick-common called Fred for
short-and the said Abby generally
known as Hon. Abby :he southern
bloods, styled Quattlcbums, Us afore-
said, have taken high dudgesn--that is
swelling of the kidneys-and threaten
to annihilate--that is, cxplode--all the
world and the rest Of the Yankees
though we, as sage lawyers. well know
that no words will justify an assault
And finally WHEREAS, in view of this
dire explosion, Of the Quattlebums a.
foresaid, which threatens To blow up
the United States, because Of the offence
of the said Frederick and Abby and their
contederates, as aforesaid, we deem, it
but right proper--inasmuch as we oc-
cupy d portion of the soil of this State,
and constitute part aud parcel OF the
inhabitants thereof-that we should have
a word in TINS great national question,
and see if we may not peradvcnture stay
the threatened catastrophe--that IL. the
breaking Of the wind-thereforc.
ist. Resolved, That i, is the decision
of this convention, after sage delibera-
ton, that each and every Qua,tlebum be
tapped on the South side. so that the
gas may escape towards Cuba, where,
as we have heretofore witnessed, srch
a storm can do no mischief-that island
being acclimated to wind"-and thus
avert the threatened calamity to our
cherished Union.
2nd. Resolved, That Frederick Doug
lass-commonly called Fred for short
n free man Of color--be required to sub
nit tosthe great compromise line--tha,
that is, rope-and that36, 30 be distinct
ly marked upon his bare back; and that
Abby Kelly--to wit: the Hon. Abby
shall no more make mouths at the South
ern Chivalry.
A New BorANv.--It is said by some
of the english papers that the British