Des Moines courier. ([Ottumwa] Iowa) 1848-1854, 1851-01-17
A Justice dealing Drunkard.

interior OF Virginia, and passing rare
y frequented road, heard noise that
1t once arrested my attention. 1t was
soiiloqny in very loud key, and inter-
lafded with an occasional oath, to prove
hat the colloquist was in earnest. Gui-
ling my horse quietly in the direction of
he voice, saw a fellow about half-corn-
I'd, deliberately cutting long hickory
switch, and talking 10 himself at the
same time, with great earnesiness.
thought, at first, that he intended to whip
his horse, that stood tied, hard by, and
was about turning of, when a SET of phra-
ses TO his self-talk. arrested me at once,
and made me the witness of the follow
ing scene-"Well now Leroy Jenkins,
Iexpect you'll catch goss in a little while.
1t Won't be long first, before Lerov Jenk-
ms hide gets painted some. I'll pay
you, Leroy Jenkins, for all This, you tri-
ding cur, you" ..n--~s5 taas r,s. s...
Being in some doubt whether Leroy
Jenkins was the name of his horse, or
Of some expected combatant, whose prep
arations, of a character similar to those
| have mentioned, were quietly progress
ing short distance off, | determined to
wait the issue of these fierce threats,
and throwing my leg over my saddle, !
prepared to become a calm spectator Of
the fight, and TO be an umpire when one
party or the other got enough. My
friend Of the hickory, as soon as he had
cut and trimmed the switch, and salsfi-
ed himself of its elasticity and unbroken
strength, laid itdown on the ground, talk
ing all the time, in very traculent man.
ner, Of Leroy Jenkins. Deliberately Ia
king of his coat, and laying it on log,
he took up his fail, and the first | heard
Of his succeeding soliloquy, was about
as follows:--"Now, Leroy Jenkins, aint
you ashamed of yourself, you nasty
hound pup, You, and am just now going
to give you yoGr bitters, you internal,
mean reptile you"
In the mean time leaned a little for.
ward 10 catch glimpse of bis antago-
mist, but thong h the coast was clear, |
could see no human face save that of the
speaker, and was now very sure that
he did not mean his horse, for he took
an opposite direction. had small time,
however for reflection for as his speech
waxed warmer, he stepped little for
ward, and aimed sort of back handed
blow, which descended with keen sound
and considerable force-on his own
hack There, you Internal devil, take
that, (shrow, shrow, the switch descen-
ded. That's COR your meanness, Leroy
Jenkins. Now sir, what are you going
to tell your wife, when YOU get home.
about the money you got for her eggs
and huckIeberries, yoa mean pup! You
spent il for liquor, did you! There take
that sir, (shrow, shrow, shrow.) Well,
| don't care if il does hurt, it serves you
right, Leroy Jenkins, for making beast
of yourself, and fooling your wife, you
mean whelp, you! You know. sir,
when you le!t home, she told you that
you couldn't pass Simmons without
spending all your money. You know
she did, don't you! There, take that,
sir, (shrow, shrow, shrow,) and didn't
you promise her, Leroy Jenkins, that
you wouldn't go near Simmons, and
would be sure to buy her a nice glass,
and the pret,iest kind of calico for
her bonnet. Didn't you now, you
cnssed mean dog, you. Yes sir, you
know yon did, (shrow, shrow, shrow,
and the hickory now descended with
frightful keenness,) and, Leroy Jenkins,
what made you such fool as to 90 by
Simmons at all, when you saw Tom
Walker standing in the door ready to
treat you, and TO drink all your money
up! What made you do that, you rot.
ten herring, you! (shrow, shrow. -
You'll go to town and spend your wife's
money for whiskey, will you - (and
the blows were now perpetrated with
more frequency than his words. ...
Although almost dying with suppress,
ell laughter, | watched the inhic,ion of
this self acting punishment which was
bestowed with far more zeal than were
the thousands of stripes whereby Sancho
was TO disenchant the lady-love of his
master. AT length Leroy jenkins stop
ped, either through pure exhaustion, or
because he thought the delinquency was
sufficiently punished. Throwing away
his switch, which was by this time
little frayed al the end, he resumed his
coat and his speech. "Now, Leroy
Jenkins, now sir. you've got licked, and
well licked, too, this lime, and the verv
next time you do this trick, I'll just fair
ly take the hide off Of you. You hear
that, don't you ! and now 60 home sir,
TO your wife, and beg her pardon, you
mean eass. you.'r l slipped away un-
perceived by this justice-dealing culprit,
but | never think of this scene, wiihou,
an Irresistible desire to laugh. And even
now whenever there happens to be a
little family breeze, can always make
my wife smile by telling her, "l'll go in
to the woods, my dear, and as punish
ment for having vexed you, for while,
I'll play Leroy Jenkins"
A DANIEL, VERIFY A DANIEL The
Locoioco Governor of Iowa, in his in
augural address proves himself a mem
ber of the party To which "education is