Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1851-01-15
From the N. Y. Spirit of the Times.
LEROY JENKINS.

long a rarely frequenied road, | heard
noise that at once arrested my aten,on.-
1t was soiloquy in a very loud key, and
lnterlarded with an occasional oath 10 prove
that the colloquIsl was in earnest. Guid
ing my horse quietly in the direction of the
voice, ! saw a fellow about half corned, de-
Iiberaely cutting long hickory switch,
and talking to himself at the same time with
grea. earnestness. thought, at first, tina,
he intended to whip his horse, that stood
tied, hard by, and was about turning off,
when new set of phrases in his self talk
arrested me at once, and made me the wit
ness to the following scene.
"WelI, now, Leroy Jenkins, expect
you'll catch goss in a little while. Il.
won't be long first, before Leroy Jenkins
hide gets painted some. III pay you, Leroy
Jenkins, for all this, you ,iflng cur, YOU"
Being in some doubt whether Leroy Jen-
kins was the name of his horse, or some un-
expected combalan,. whose preparations, of
character similar to those have mention
ed, were quietly progressing a short dis
lance on, determined to wait the issue
of these fierce threats, and throwing my leg
over the saddle, prepared to become a
calm spectator Of the fight, and perhaps an
umpire when one party or the other had got
enough.
My friend Of the hickory, as soon as he
had cut and trimmed his switch, and salts
fed himself Of lis elasticity and unbroken
strength, laid i, down on the ground, talk
ing all the time in a very truculent manner,
of Leroy Jenkins. Deliberately taking off
his coat, and laying it on log, he took up
his fail, and the first heard of his succeed
ing solloquy, was about as follows:
"Now, Leroy Jenkins, amt you ashamed
of yourself, you nasty hound-pup, y on, and
! am jus. now going 10 give you your Bit
ters, you internal mean reptile, your"
In the mean time leaned little forward
to catch glimpse of his antagonist, but
though the coast was comparatively, clear,
could see no human face save that Of the
speaker, and was now very sure that he
did not mean his horse, for he took an op-
posite direction. | had small time, how
ever, for reflection, for as his speech waxed
warmer, he stepped lille forward, and
aimed sort of bsckhanded blow which de-
scended with keen sound and consdera
ble force cn-his o1cn back.
| uSies t'u tC'iiS bohC dut
that, (Shror, shrow, The switch descended.)
Thal's for your meanness, Leroy Jenkins.
Now, sir, what are you going TO tell your
wife when You ge. home, about the money
you go, for her eggs and hucklebeIres, You
mean pup? You spent it for liquor. did
you? There, take that, sir, (shrop, shrow,
shroU.) She told you, Leroy Jenkins, to
buy her lookng-g ass, and enough calico to
make her bonnet, and where are
they, you dsrned cuss, YOU? Gone for H.
quor, hey? (shrow, shrow, shro,v.) Well
don't care if it does hurt, it serves
you right, Leroy Jenkins, for making
beast Of yourself, and foolng your poor
wife, you mean whelP, you. Yon know
sir, when you left home, she told you
that you couldn't pass Simmons with
out spending all that money. You know
she did, don't you? Now sir, take that,
| (shro1c, shrow, shroac,) and didn't you pro-
mise her, Leroy Jenkins, that you wouldn't
60 near Simmons's, and you would be sure
to buy her a nice glass, and The prettiest
kind of calico for her bonnet. Didn't you,
now, you cussed mean dog, you. Yes, sir,
you know you did, (shrow, shrooc, shrow,
and the hickory descended with frghtful
keenness.) and Leroy jenkins, wha. made
you such fool as 10 go by Simmons's a,
all, when you saw Tom Walker standing
in The door ready to treat you, and to drink
all your money up? What made you do
that, you rotten herring you: (shroao, shroao.)
Well, sir, I'lI pay you for all this, (shrow,
shro1o You'll 60 to town and spend your
wile's money for hiskey again, will you ,"
and the blows were now perperlraled with
more frequency than his words.)
Although almost dying with suppressed
laughter, ! watched the infction of this
self-ac'ing punishment, which was beslow-
ed with far more zeal than were the thou
sand stripes whereby Sancho was to olsen
chant The lady love of his master. AT length
Leroy Jenkins stopped, either through pure
exhaustion, or because he thought the de-
linquency was sufficiently punished.
Throwing away his switch, which by this
time was little frayed at the end, he re-
sumed his Goa, and his speech.
Snow, Leroy, jenkins, now, sir, you've
got licked, too, this time, and the very next
time you do this trick, I'll jes. fairly take
the hide off Of you. You hear that, don't
you and now 60 home, sir, to your wife,
and beg her pardon, you mean cuss, you"
slipped away unperceived by this JUS
tice-dealing cul pri'. but never think of this
scene without an irresistible desire TO
laugh. And even now, whenever there hap
pens to be little family breeze, ] can al
ways make my wife smile by telling her,
"lll 60 into the woods, my dear, and as
punishment for having vexed you, for
while I'll play Leroy Jenkins"