Weekly national intelligencer., 1851-10-11
HUMoRs OF ELECTIoNEERING.

| HCMoRs OF ELECTI0NEERING.
TUSCALOOSA MONITOR o. sKPrxnBxR IS. "a
WE GIVE 1T UP.-We have in our time met with some
good eeconeeres In this good old county Of Tusca
oosa have that hard to beat We have seen
Of them walk into large crowd, and in less than ten
minutes shake hand, with every present, inquire aHsc
tonaey into the Of bis health and that Of each
member Of his family and express the deepest sympathy On
account Of the "long dry sps which nju1g his CROP
Nor this a for, while the candidate thus sympa-
thzng with of the sovcregns account Of his misfo
tunes, he would almost in the BREATH succeed in
vncns another constituent that upon has election depend
ed the question whether plank road should be made
pass close BY the said constituents door, and whether or
the vsuees sixteenth section in that township should e
enriched by equalization Of the school fund.- We have
often wondered how earth the people able
who to vote for when all the candidates are such clever
fsllowr, and all make such fine promises II
Some years ago. before the State of Palmetto had deter
mined to seede We had occasion to pay the plea
sant village OF Carolton. The weather being quite warm
concluded stop during the heat the day. at the house
of an old Florida fslowsoldisr whom we had not seem far
many years. He had retired upon bis auels and having
got married, had understood, been reeousy fulfilling
of the most important Of the scripura inuncsious
Three four chubby faxsn-headed little fellows almost in
state Of nudity were playing about the yard and we had
been long under the roof Of hospbe end before
he caught and dragged up before the largest and appa
rently The oldest, Of the group The little fellow came for
ward very reluctantly and be tightly held by the col
lar Of his only garment his struggles caused to cover rathe
less of bis person than strict popsy required As soon as
the youngser was brought 10, the father exclaimed Look
here at this boy, Squire, and what's curious about him.
The first thing, Of which struck was the curtae
I'll - Az ~ I ~.
which friend wished to direct oursttsu,on The next
peculiarly which noticed very complete and daklv
defined circle quite visible around the circumference of the
little fellows face This we presumed had been caused Nv
hasy effort to wash him. the result Of which was that ,bo
dusty Particles which had been accommodating upon his face all
day removed om the central part arouhd the nose and
and had been snug and symmercay arranged into
the aforesaid circle. We doubt looked somewhat puzzled
and about to remark that thought the little fellow
had very comcal expression of counenance when luil
cut short by the father ssemarking sAh SQUIRE
see you don't know any thing about furnokgy WHY,
it amt longer than last week that Squire (uow one
Of the ornaments Of circuit bncb) along here and
he hadn't moren got the yard before be saws 10 me-
sR|,' says be, bring that little fellow here What's
his name Absalom is it Well, it's good scripture
name and might almost have guessed that it, because
hi hi. s.ss si"sa long ha,s had
ths sort took back, cause didn't exactly know what
the Squire by having bis head eramined So told
him believed the cid woman tended to that. He laughed
right out at this and then told he eranned ro-
logically He then took Absaom there in his lap and after
feen round his head for bumps, be called EN- he says
me. r.. says he, do good part by this boys he's
bound to make man you give him half chance for he's
ington. I'll tell you what is" said R, addressing
very emphaticay, it's my opinion that Squire P is
about the smartes man we've got running for the Legislature
and he'll get my voe sre We left our old friend soon
min hoCnro
become candidate for any Office would have 10 take
some lessons in :" turnokgy"
But notwithstanding that Alabama in general and Tusca-
loosa county in particular has eeconeerers that will do
bag on, still think they all thrown into the shade
by genius who has lately been found in Mississippi and
who can beat Squire P, or "Judge NJ" or " Gen.
D" or even the "invincble R-n" himself and give
any Of them two in the game If any doubts this let
him read the following sketch We premise that Russell is
the Union and Swan the Secession candidate for State Audi
tor in the approaching election n Mississippi:
AN ELECTIONEERING GEM
One Of the greatest eectoneeres of the age Mr. Daniel
r. RUSSELL candidate for auditor in Mississippi His mode
of electioneeng s deal with the soveegns with the
most blunt fankness dscadng every particle Of barneyng
humbug. The following sketch late speech delivered by
him must have puzzled bis opponent to reply to:
Ladies and Gentlemen rse-but there's no use of tell
ing you that you know am up well as do. am a
modest man-veybut have lost pcayune BY il in
my life Being scarce commodity among candidates I
thought would mention it, for fear If didn't you never
would hear it
Candidates generally considered nusances but thew
are not; they the politest in the world shake YOU
by the hand you hows your family, what's the prospect
for crops DC, and the poIest there in the State
Davy Crockett pe be saw when he asked
man to drink turned his back that he might drink az
much as be pleased. beat that all hollow give man
chance to drink twice if he Wishes not only turn around
out shut my eyes. am only the polest man. but the
best eectoneerer You ought shaking hands with
the varaons-he pumphandle and pendulum the
and wgge- waggle understand the science perfectly and
any of the county candidates wish instructions thew must
call on
Fellow-cizens, was born-if hadn't been wouldn't
have been candidate but going to tell you where
twas not in Mississippi but twas right side Of the ne
gro line yet that's compliment the negroes are mostly
born on the same side started in the world poor az
church mouse yet came honestly by my poverty for in
herted il and if did poor, say but that
have held my own remarkably WELL A8i .a h5i.ais
Candidates generally tell you, you think they quail
bed, &C. Now, don't ask your thoughts ask your votes
Why, there's nothing think Of except watch and see
that swans name s not your ticket II so, think to
scratch of and put mine am certain that am CON-
petent for who had ought to know better than lido No
pody will allow that Swan the best Auditor In the Stale
hat ID, till elected then perhaps its not proper for me
70 say any thing more. Yet, honest man. am bound
say that believe it's gevous to hide any thing from
my fellow czens therefore, say that It's my private opn-
on, publicly expressed that I'll make the best Auditor ever
10 the United States.
lis not for honor wish to be Auditor for in nv own
county was offered an Office that al honor-Coroner
which respectfully declined. The Auditor Office s worth
'ome $5 900 year, and in for like thousand OF
brick. 10 show goodness of heart. mako