The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1851-09-25
DESCRIPTIVE ELOQUENCE.
"oUR COUNTRY, TITS OF THEE %


ted, enthusiastic, and rather quizical sen OF
old Kentucky, whilst paying his devoirs to
one Of the famous lady tourists of America,
"Ma'am, should have been born in Ameri-
ca, the greatest country in the known world.
Nature has clustered all her s!upendous and
dazzling works upon this land, and you
should be among them! We have got the
greatest men, the finest women, the broad
est Lakes, the tallest trees, the widest prai-
ries, the highest waterfalls, and the biggest
hearts in all creation.
"Ma'am, go and see the falls of Niagara.
My dear ma'am, if didn't think I'd walked
up in futurity, when first seed that big
slante1dicular puddle (slantendiculars an
algebra word, ma'am-you maynt know it.)
Why ma'am I could tell you something
about them Falls-but you mustn't put it in
your book, COS nobody will ever believe it.
The people that live around about there will
loose their speech, end never hear each 9TH
er speak for years, with the noise of the cat
aract Fact, true as that's pencil and a
notebook you are taking out of yo'r pocket.
Why, there was man lived there ten years
and he got so deef he never knew man
was speaking TO him till pail of water was
poured down the back of his neck When
you 60 to see the falls, ma'am, you must do
all the talking you want TO before you get
within twenty-five miles of them; for after
that not a word of any kind can be heard
"Then, ma'am, you should go and see the
great cave in Kentucky, where the bats BIZ
bern aculate in countless millions. There is
not such ano ther hole in the ground TO be
found upon the face Of the EARTH Ma'am
if you go back to England without seeing
our Mammoth Cave, you'll put your feet in
it-no, beg your pardon excuse me-that's
quite impossible: but you'll leave big hole
in your book you are going to write. There
was no more end ever known 10 it, ma'am ::
and there is salt water lake IN the middle
of it, twenty-five miles Sroad.-One of the
rooms is called the "a ntipodean Chamber"
from the unpronounceable fact that man
can walk Just as easy on the ceiling as upon
the floor; and in this apartment, there's a
natural fountain of pure brandy The same
cave too, is a cure fos consumption
"You haint been South yet, have you,
ma'am? You haint seen the Mississippi
river, and the city of New Orleonss Well,
ma'am New Orleans is a hundred and TWEEN.
ty.five feet below the level of the sea, and
the Mississippi runs through canal bridge
right over the city The inhabitants are
chiefly alligators and screach owls, the last
words have been vulgarly perverted into Gre
OILS. The food is chiefly gum, produced
from trees in the swamp, and which they
call gumbo. There is paper called the Pr
caroon, the name being we'll chosen, signfi-
cant of its prosessed piraces upon Hunts
Philosophy, Baron Munchausen, the pill
grim's Progress, Joe Miller, Washington Irv-
ing, and Bill's Life in London. 1t is vic.
lent and s,upendous political print, and the
Government of the country has endeavored
in vain 10 suppress it. One of the peculiar
marks about this extraordinary city, is the
entire absence of those small quadrapeds of
genus most commonly known as rats One
was seen many years ago, by ci,izan who
brutally murdered the unknown creature,
but was Immediately tried and sentenced 10
be hung for the enormity.
"You will hear, ma'am, great deal about
the 'aoating population of New Orleans"
phrase which you will understand when
| tell you that the town is half under inunda-
tion from the Mississippi! You should
have been born in America, my dear ma
am, but as you were not you may possibly
die here, and that is some consolation TO YOU"