The Minnesotian. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn. Territory) 1851-1852, 1851-11-13
For the MINI csotian.
TO THE PUBLIC.

TO THE PUBLIC.
In a certain county in I" Ohier," where
physicians were very scarce, a protesting
NJ. D., but in reality quack of the first
water, an ignoramus, whom it would have
been an honor to have styled Jackass, was
called to the bedside of sick and as was
supposed dying man.
Not doubling his ability to meet the case,
and without hesitation, but with all the
presumption usually attending an addle
pated ass, he at once commenced with pills
and potions, plastering and bistering to
resusciate the almost inanimate body of the
poor fellow, while his disconsolate wife
hung over him in anguish and dispair,
weeping the bitterest tears that were ever
called forth by human Woe.
Exerting all his little skill, our quack
used every effort, but all without success,
until at length that pale and weeping wife
sobbed forth-'Doctor he seems no bet
ter; fear you cannot do any good" 81
have no hopes, madam" replied the rude
boor. 81 have been endeavoring to throw
your husband into .fts-you must know
am death on fits, and if can only throw
him into good regular fit, can then
easily cure him." The poor wife thus
encouraged and consoled, kept quiet, and
the farce went on. The poor fellow was
thrown into regular and particular fits,
which as might have been cx pected. PROV
ed his quietus he quickly "shufflcd off
his mortal collin other words he died.
This was the natural resultin that case,
and as there are quacks and sick men in
every community, let us apply it to our
own.
On the last boat last fall, there arrived
in St. Paul from the same county in
"Ohier," one of the species of the quack
political and editorial, regular quacking
drake, bearing his implements of trade "a
long, fully armed and equipped at all points
for active business, and whose efforts thus
far have been attended with as much sue
cess as were those of his prototype of the
quack medical, above described.
He found the Democratic family here
diseased little, tits true; the portion
worst diseased having wrapped themselves
up in their own virtue merely, (by the by
a very scanty winter covering in Mime
sota) and at the same time chung most per-
tinaciously to rice, carefully eschewing all
animal food and the use of furs, &c., which
in this cold climate are both rather essen
tial to comfort. Indeed, they so hate the
sight of furs and robes, and all who deal
in them, that it is believed, to hear them
talk, the poor fellows would perish in
snow bank, rather than encase their shiv-
ering limbs in either.
"The faithful Democratic editor" sees
this state of things at once, and forthwith
resolves to dose them weekly with an OPT
ate until these little spasms and whims are
allayed, then by holder stroke to throw
them into fits and cure them.
He begins by regular crusade upon
the Wings, enters the lists boldly, throws
down his gauntlet, goose quill fresh
plucked from the back OF that Kissing BIZ
pend, in imitation of which he brealhed
forth defiance; and then becoming mulish,
prayed, and then stood like reused ass in
a lions skin, and attempted feeble roar,
as if inviting, and eager for battle.
AT length young and inexperienced
opponent crowed forth single note of
territorial warfare in reply, crying "lay
on Macduff," at which the would-be lion
growled, then snapped and bit, and then
at single gulp, swallowed down his in
nocent opponent, feathers, head, tail, spurs
and all, before he had time to exclaim,
g Hold, hold, for d-n 1t, man, rue got
snoughE"
The victor was now rampant and Ella
led-one triumph only whetied his appe-
lite for more. The eyes of the " Demo-
:rdf by nature" looked down upon the less
fortunate Democrats around him, those who
ire so, from education, association or in
.erest, and who are not, and never have
been roo!-dyed in the faith, and who were
not landed in General Jackson's arms and
by him to boot, and who have
u. n n