Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1851-01-08

HOW MR.. PIPKIN BLOWED HIMSELF.
| Bill Pipkin hadn't been married very
long, and hadn't quite got out Of the habit
of taking liule punch at drinking frolics
with his old friends, on particular occasions.
He was first rate a, making excuses for stay
| ing out all night now and then he was ter
ribly pressed with business, and as he took
very good care never 10 come home cross
legged, his wife never suspected anything,
and all went on very well. One night,
however, Bill got rather more than he could
carry slraight, but he didn't find it out till
he was on his way home. He wouldn't
have Susan know he was in such si,ua-
.ion for all the world, he began thinking,
as we'll as he could, with his head spinning
round so, what was best TO be done to keep
her from finding him out
"Hic-I've go. it, 'zactly," said he, (hic)
Su-Susan knows Pm (hic) terribly f-fond of
m-milk. Well, I'Il just take a big (hc)
swig Of m-mlk, and (hic) tha.'ll fix all right
80 (hic) h-she'll never sus-suspect no.
thin, poor gal"
Home he went practising straight walking
on the wav, and studying in his mind how
he should talk straight, SO lha. Susan would
not find him out.
When he found the latch, which was on
the wrong side of the door, which opened
the wrong way, too, he felt round in the
dark for more doors than was ever in the
house before, and got into ever-so-many-
shaped rooms, till he found the pantry,
where he expected to find some milk. He
had no very clear idea as TO where it ought
to be; so after feeling abou, in every place
but the right one, he came 10 the conclusion
to 60 up to his room and ask his wife where
it was. The stairs seemed to be turned up
side down, and the bedroom had changed
places with the kitchen, but he made out al
last 10 find the door.
After clearing his throat and saying over
his speech so .ha>Se could not make any
mistake, he opened<@she door, and leaning
against the door-post, listened to hear if his
wife was awake. She ives sound asleep.
'All the better for that" thought he
'''Susan Susan !" said he, very low end
plain.
"Eh - said Susan, just waking ou. Of a
doze. sis that you come home, my dear,
so late ?-I''-
"Susan Susan 70 said Bill, not paying
any attention to what she said-his head
being full of milk ''Susan -
"Wha,, nv dear -
''Is there any milk in the house -
eyes, dear-but what in the world"
''Susan! Susan!''
"What, dear :"
s!Vb,, ;e tho mill. -
Gin the pantry, in the dining-room, dear.
But you'd better come to bed now, IT'S
so"
Bill didn't say word, but took some
terrible long steps in the dark. He found
The dining-room again, and the pantry, but
he couIdn', find the milk anywhere. After
trying for about five minutes, he went up
stairs, and leaning against The door TO stea-
dy himself, asked his wife again
sSusan Susan % said he, very emphali-
caly.
"Eh-what - said she, waking up again.
''Is there any milk in the house -
81 told you there was some milk in the
pantry, dear"
i Down went Bill again. This time he
felt everywhere, and upset everything, max
ing a terrible racket among the crockery :;
but not drop Of milk could he find.
sCuss the milk - said he, "whar could
they pu. it ?"
In minute he was at the bed room door
again:
"Susan SUSAN" said he.
. Susan snufed the snore short off in the
middle.
"What - said she rather cross this time.
"Is ,hre any milk in the house ,"
"Yes, told your
DWELL, whar is it said he.
81 told you on the shelf-in the pantry
, in the dinin'room," said Susan, breaking
it off into short moushfuls Of pretty loud
ltalic.
Tha. rather scared Bill, and put him of
his guard.
"WelI, Susan," said he, "is it tied up in
, anWhing,' or is IL layin' about loose 20
That was enough-the Cat was out Of the
bag, and no help for it. Mrs. Pipkin was
bright awake in minute, and the way Bill
got "CaudIe" that night was enough to
sober the drunkenest husband in creation.
Never got corned again-and it was more
than year afterwards before he could drink
milk in his coffee, when Susan was at the
table.
WANTs-The seive through which the
man strained every nerve.
Some feathers from POmpey's pillar.