The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1851-10-14

fFrom the Carpet Beg.

Mrs. Captain Ephraim Peabody 10 the bet
ter aud by FAR the larger half of Captain Eph
Peabody. Of the late Maine militia, and 10 alto
ge,her one Of The smartest women ever raised
In the ancient town oi Hornby. She 10 tai
I "as the Venus al the Capitol" aud twice a
why and bony. Nature in forming her face
gave IL but scanty width. but made ample CON-
| pedss'ion 10 length. and ss further rernuners
ton. adorned II with nose and chin thar wo'd
have excited the envy Of The Witch of Eodor
| had hat dark dealing female lived in these
times The former was ORIG ginslly got up in
the hawks bill fashion, aud The latter. la a
spirit OF emulation, has gradually assumed the
| shape at the turued-up. peaked-foed shoe oi
he oldcn time. The nose evidently considers
This az = piece of presumption on the part OF
| its neighbor, and rs tip is red wi:h viuuous in-
dgnsfion, though some scandal mongers have
| asserted that this war1ke hre was Impaired
by deep Potaiions Of gin, which The owner of
the featnre in question swallowed. previous, OF
| course 10 the passage uf our new liqoor law
Still, the chin, uuappsIed by the sinister glare
OF i's formidable antagonist. continues 10 look
up with sroicsl pertness worthy Of q better
cause, and waves few strsggiiog hairs which
grow upon its apex as a banner of defsnce.-
The mouth has most unpleasant location be-
tween them, and. frightened at the menacing
aspect. has gradually retreated and csved 10.
until the only barrier between the high bellig.
erent parties is two decayed and yellow fangs.
In short, Mrs, Capt EDhe. as she Ia fsmi
'arly called. is ssaetlv Of the stripe and pat
tern OF those respectable, elderly ss:ainioes
who, in the good old times of the pious Msth.
er, used 10 be addicted TO equestrian fests in
The air with broomsiick steeds. interfering with
dairy operations, sticking pins 10 the babies,
and other games of thar sort.
Her temper ~ as rough as the picture of the
late Benjsmin Ha,din's voice. and when the
gates are hoisted aud rs let on TO the machin-
ery that drives her tongue, then woe TO the
inckless one against whom that terribly unruly
member Is directed, for being hung 10 the mid
DIE. II plays both ways with a most appalling
looseness. Capt. Ephe ssys-and certainly
bis evidence 10 entitled 10 large credit--'rha,
airthly man was never made 10 SIAN again ill.,
The Csptsin is q soldier; and though he may
not ran1 with the gifted and chvalrons Sreb-
bins, yet the military archives OF his native
state honorably attest that he has no chicken
heat. but thnt again and sgain when the sui.
phurous smoke canopied the dread muster
heid, he has led the foriorn hope. and fearless
Iy charged where that wreathing and suffoca-
ling pail hung mos denss. But veteran as he
is, Mrs. Peabody is TOO much for him. He,
tongue has more terrors for the war-worD he.
70 than had the tongues Of fame issuing from
the deep mouihed cannon. Her voice when
at hurricsue pitch. is more awful in his ear.
than the conrussioL produced by the explo-
sion Of thousand blank cartridges
For neatly year after he was united by the
silkeo bond OF matFimony to Miss TtsaquIiiy
B. Wiegins-sucb was The maiden name Of
the Raiani Captains spoused-he srroggled
manfully in defence Of his inalonsble rights;
but whens .fier beip2. aJiye9 from ppa hNfjcade
'Old Guard at Waterloo. he brought up his
last, and, rs he deemed. HE invincible reserve.
and when that was scattered and trodden down
like those mailed conquerors Of Austerliiz and
Jena, his martial spirit was broken He ceas
ed TO srpggle. and the petticoat banner waved
10 triumph above the field. This grand but
Intellectual reservation was nothing less than
the valiant officers regimental uniform. Ar
raging himself carefully 10 the pomp and cir
cnhistnsce Of glorious war, and fourishipg that
naked brand which had flashed tenor over
many a hard fought muster field, he presented
himself to his astonished but undsmayed lady,
and shouted in hosrse evoice-"Atention!'
Mrs. Peabody placed her arms skimbo and
laughed tanrt,ngly.
Rear rank take open order!' beloved the
Captain, glazing fercly at the foe from under
the visitor of his helmet.
.Naow Ephrsiiil.' said Mrs. P, having fU-
ished her sbrill EXPLANATIONS; 'osow, Ephraim.
ef you don't make yourself scarce, an that
preshus quick TOO, I'll bea, you iii you wont
know yonr face from the next ginersl trainin'!
Six baggsruuts" said the undauned Cap
tain.
I'LL 6x ycu. you rot,ed fooln screamed the
now turbulent Tranquility, hastily atming her
self with long bean pole. and aiming a swee-
ping blow az her consort's head.
D. r.. - .,La
yelled the excited cheftain, striking boldly out,
right and left. M qusrter-victory or death!
Hoorsyv rushing forward amid tempest oI
blows that would have appalled, heart less
stout.
Over the details Of ,hs, dread contest we
kindly draw veil.
The smoke OF battle has partially rolled
away. What do we beholdl Where is the
veteran and victor Of many tented field! He
is there, but not erect: no coronal OF victory
sdorns his brow. No. he is low in the dust,
"And lies like warrior taking his rest"
Bot there is no martial cloak around him. or
even coat. The warlike garment tina, first
begirt him with glory is nov swinging, tattered
and soied. from the top Of beau-pole in the
hsnds o! the conquering heroine, who seated
on a large pumpkin, waves il over the PROSTATE
enemy. His iaicnon. the prlde OF MS heaf.
lacked the temper Of Damascus or Toledo, and
lies now by his side, broken and dishonored.-
His helmet. on which the American eagle ex-
tensively spread, and labelled "E Piuribus u
num''--,hat helmet whose crest had doomed
amid the smoke Of sham fghIs. tenible 10 his
ioes and beacon Of hope TO his trusty follow
eis-that helmet was now 10 the possession OF
two hungry ane vagrant pigs. who were Iear-
ing and iismplng il under foot like vandsls as
they were. A flock OF turkies were perform
Jog a sor, Of wal dance round one Of the epan-
le,tes, while the fallen hero's trousrrs-.
But enongh. we are getting personal. Suffice
il to say that Ephram Peabody was fused
up man."
From the hour Of his overthrow, Captain
Peabody beoame the most submissive of hen
pecksd husbands. He was emphaiically what
Udsh Hcep desired to be-'umbie. He used
10 be The oracle OF the bar. room, but now his