Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1851-03-21
A BIRD story.
BY JACK HUMPHREYS

4
In nearly all yarns or plays in which Yankees fig
lure, they are supposed to be ga leetle ten darnt
ceute for almost anybody else, creating heap o
fun, and coming out clean ahead; but that even Con
Inecticut fankees-the cutest and allhredest hgh
critters on the face of the ysarth, when money o.
/ trades in the QUESTIONABLE "done" now and then
upon the most scientific principles, we are going tt
prove.
1t is generally known. in the newspaper world
that two or three wooden nutmeg branded Yankees
a few years ago. started paper in Philadelphia up
on the penny principle, and have since realized &
splendid fortune, all around. They were and are
men of great enterprise and beraity, far thei
business is concerned and thereby they got ahead
all competition, and made their pile. The proprie
| tors of the Ledger were always "f1y" for any new
dodge by which they could keep the lead of things
and monopolize the market. The telegraph
had not turned upn in the day of which write
the mails, and, and then, express horse lines
were the media through which Great Ercitements
Alarming Euents!! Great Fares and AarfM Caiami-
tieS!! come at Ore morning, as Swain was
sitting in his Office, long, lank genius with visage
as Ratchet faced and keen any Connecticut Yam
KEGS on record, in and enquired of of the
clerks for the proprieors of that institution. Swain
being pointed out, the thin made lean towards
him After getting close up and twisting and screw
ing his head to see that nobody was listening or
looking the lean man sat down very gingerly upon
the extreme verge of a chair, and leaning forward
until his made almost touched that of the
publisher in low nasal anxious tone, says he
:Air yeou of the publishers of this paper o.
81 am sir, my name is SWAIN
ooh, yeou air 2" said the visitor, again looking
suspicously round and about him.
Did yeou hear tell of the Pigeon Express ?'
he continued.
1.-THE Pigeon Express 2" echoed the publisher
"Y-a-s. Carrier Pigeons-letters to their legs
and newspapers under their wings-trained to ay
anywhere you warnt 'em.'
Carrier Pigeons unused the publisher Car
rier-Pigeons, trained to carry billets-bulletins,
and
$50 from fifty to hundred miles an hour r' Chi
med the stranger.
true, so they say: very true,n continued S. mu-
singly.
Elegant things for gettin or sondin' noOs head
of everybody else.'
Precisely that's fact that's fact" S. respon-
ded, rising from the chair and pacing the floor as
though rather and decidedly taken by the novelty
and feasibility of the operation.
g You'd have 'em all, Mister, dead as mutton, by
Pigeon Express"
Il like the idea, good, first rate ~ said Swain.
{: Can't be beat noheow p said the stranger.
I" But what would it cost %
1.-TWO hundred dollars, and a small wagon to be-
gin on
GA small wagon ~
"Y-a-s. Yeou see, Mister, the birds have to be
trained to fly from one pint to another!'
"Wa-a-n, you see the birds are put in box, on
the top of the bldn, for SPELL teu git the hand of
things, and so on!'
ayes, very we'll 90 on"
"Then the birds are put in cage the trainer
'em up. and the birds go to the bildin Next day
fifteen miles, and so forth, yeou see q
" Perfectly, understand, now where these
birds be had e.
Putting his thin lips closer to the publishers pen
dant ears, in low, long way, SAYS the stranger
C9t; tn no tavn Uharo c4ox
pin"
Bring them up, let me them let me see
them"
''Certain, Mister of course responded the Pigeon
Ezpressman, leaving the presence of the tckledto
death publisher, who paced his Office as full of eer
vescence as demijohn of spruce beer in dog-days.
About this time, pigeons were being trained, and
few cases, now and then, really did carry MESA
ges for lottery ticket vendors in Jersey City, Pha
lelphia Wilmington and Baltimore but these exploits
rarely paid first COST and did not amount to much
although some noise made about the wonderful
performance of certain Carrier Pigeons. But the
Ledger was to have new impulse-astonshing all
creation and the rest of mankind, by their Pigeon
Express. SWANS partner, Simmons, YVES in New
York, fishing for novelties and Swain determined to
astonlsh him on his return home by the bird bust
ness! A coop was fixed on the top of the biIdn'
rs the great inventor of the express suggested The
wagon was bought. and, with two hundred dollars
in for funds, passed over to the pigeon expressman,
who IN the course OF few days, put the birds into
his wagon to take them out some few miles, throw
hem up, and Swain and confidential friend were
to be on the top of the bldn looking out for them
They kept looking They saw something, not
very like whale, but good deal like first rate
bad 8 Sell The lapse of few days was quite
sufficient to convince the publisher that he had been
taken in and done for,-regularly picked up and
done for upon the most approved and scientific prin
clples Rather than let the cat out of the bag the
publisher made up his mind to pocket the share and
keep shady, not even "letting on to his partner
who in the course of the following week, returned
from Gotham, evidently feeling fine as silk, about
something or other.
"Well. Simmons, what's new in New York. Did
you get hold of anything rich o. was SWANS first
Hi,i--sh'! close the door % was the reply, in
cautious tone, indicating something very important
on the tapis.
g S. my dear fellow, I've got concern, now that
will put the sixpennes to sleep, sound as rocks!"
No. What have you started, something in Goth
nm ~
Exactly If you don't own up the corn, that
the idea is grand immense-I'll knock under"
"Good! I'm GEOGRAPHICALLY glad you've found
something new and startling" responded Swain
: Well, Simmons what is it ~
Great Wonderful! --CGrrier Pigeons ~
"What! Pigeons! 2"
Pigeons"
''You don't pretend to say that"
ayes, Sir, all arranged,-luckiest fellows alive,
we are
g Well, but dit Simmons"
Oh, don't be uneasy fixed it, Beach and me :"
'' Beach You don't pretend that old Nose
Beach,
"Yes I d. we both lit upon the enterprise at
once, and"
IT,. r