Lewisburg chronicle. [volume] (Lewisburg, Pa.) 1850-1859, 1851-04-09
Wit ano Gunlor.
IArov Jenkins.

passing along rarely lrequenteo roau, 1
heard a noise that at once arrested my at
tention. 1t was soliloquy in very loud
kew, and interlarded with an occasiona!
oath to prove that the soliloquist was in
earnest. Guiding my horse in the direc-
ton of the voice, l saw fellow about half
corned, deliberately cutting a long hickory
switch, and talking to himself at the same
time, with great earnestness. l thought
at first he intended to whip his horse, that
stood tied hard by, and was about turn
ing of, when new set Of phrases in his
self talk arrested me at once, and made me
the witness of the following scene:
"Wen now, Leroy jenkins, | expect
you'll catch goss in a little while. 1t won't
be long first, before Leroy jenkins hide
gets painted some. I'll pay you, Leroy
jenkins, for all this, you triaing you"
Being in some doubt whether Leroy
jenkins was the name of his horse, or
some expected combatant, whose prepara-
tions, of character similar to those I have
mentioned, were quietly progressing a
short distance of, 1 determined to wait
the issue of these fierce threats, and throw
ing my legs over my saddle, Iprepared to
become a calm spectator of the fight, and
perhaps an umpire when one party or the
other got enough.
My friend Of the hickory, as soon as he
had cut and trimmed his switch, and salts
fed himself of its elasticity and unbroken
strength, laid it down on the ground, talk
ing all the time in very turbulent man
ner of Leroy jenkins. Deliberately taking
off his coat and leaving it on a log, he took
up his fail, and the first 1 heard Of his
succeeding soliloquy was about as follows:
"Now, Leroy jenkins, ain'tyou ashamed
Of yourself, you nasty hound pup? and |
am just now going to give you your Bit
tiers, you Internal mean reptile you"
In the mean time l leaned a little for
ward to catch glimpse Of his antagonist,
but, tho the coast was comparatively clear,
could see no human face, save that of the
speaker, and was very sure that he did
not mean his horse, for he took an oppo-
site direction. had small time, however,
forreAection, for his speech waxed warmer,
he stepped little forward, and aimed
sort Of back-handed blow, which des-
cended with keen sound, and eonsidera-
bic force on-his o,cm back.
"There, you internal devil, take that,
and that, (shro~, shro9, the switch des-
.s.lsl.) Tl.".'s for yo.' '..o"''rvpr, I'o-~J
jenkins. Now, sir, what are you going to
tell your wife when you go home, about
the money you got for her eggs and huck-
le-berries, you mean pup? You spent it
for liquor, did you? There, take that, sir,
(sRror, sliror, shror.) She told you, Le-
roy jenkins, to buy her looking glass
and enough calico to make her chicken
bonnet, and they are gone for liquor, are
theyy (shror, shro~, shro~.) Well, l don't
care if it does hurt, it serves you right,
Leroy jenkins, for making a beast of
yourself, and fooling your wife, you mean
whclp you. You know, sir, when you left
home she said you couldn't pass Simmons
without spending all that money. You
know she did, don't you? Now, sir, take
that (sltrou, shror,) and didn't you prom
ise her you wouldn't 60 near Simmons
and you would be sure to buy her nice
glass and the prettiest kind Of calico for
her bonnet? Didn't you now, you cursed
mean dog you. Yes, sir, you know you
did, (shror, shrom, shro~, and the hickory
descended with frightful keenness.) Leroy
jenkins, what made you such fool as to
90 by Simmons at all when you saw Tom
Walker standing in the door ready to treat
you, and drink up all your money? What
made you do that, you rotten herring you
(slror, Mroe.) Well, sir, I'll pay you for
all this, (s.vu, shro~.) You'll go totown
and spend your wife's money for whiskey
again, will your" (and the blows were
now pcrpetrated with more frequency than
his words)
Although almost dying with suppressed
laughter, watched the inaiction Of this
self.acting punishment, which was bestow-
ed with far more zeal than were thousands
of stripes whereby Sancho was to diseu-
chant the lady-love Of his master. At
length Leroy jenkins stopped, either thro'
pure exhaustion, or because he thought the
delinquency was sufficiently punished
Throwing away the switch, which by
this time was little frayed at the end, he
resumed his coat and his speech
"Now Leroy jenkins, now, sir, you've
got licked too, this time, and the very
next time you do this trick, I'll just take
the hide off of you. You hear that, don't
you and now 60 home, sir, and beg her
nardon. Won mean cur YOU"