Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1851-02-05
A JUSTICE DEALING DRUNKARD.

While riding, not long since, in the interior of Virgin
la, and passing along rarely frequented road' heard
noise that at once arrested my attention. IL was so-
oquy in very loud key, and nerlarded with an occa-
sonal OATH TO prove that the cooquist was In earnest
Guiding my horse quickly in the direction OF the voice.
saw fellow about half corned, deliberately cutting
long hickory switch, and talking himself at the SAME
tme with great earnestness. thought at first, that ne
intended 20 whip his horse that stood ed hard oy ano
about turning of, when new set OF phrases 10 MS
sealk arrested at and made me the witness Oh
the following scene: swell, now, Leroy Jenkins ex-
pec you'll catch goss in little while 1t won't be long
rst before Leroy Jenkens hide gets painted some. III
pay you Leroy Jenkins, for all this, you rIfng cur,
you.'
Being in some doubt whether Leroy Jenkins was the
name Of the horse, or expected combatan whose
preparations of character similar 10 those have men-
toned were quietly progressing short distance OIL
determined to await the issue of these fierce threats and
throwing my leg my saddle prepared to become
calm spectator fight and perhaps umpire when one
party or the other got enough My friend of the hickory
as soon as he had cut and trimmed his swch and salts
fled himself of its elasticity, and unbroken strength laid
it down on the ground, talking all the time, in very
truculent manner fLeoy Jenkins. Deliberately taking
|
off his coat and laying it log, he took up his fail,
and the first heard of his succeeding soiloquy was a.
bout as follows: Now, Leroy Jenkins, aint you asha-
med of YOURSELF you nasty houndpup. you, and am just
now going to give you your bers you internal mean
reptile, you ~
In The mean time leaned little forward to catch a
gmps Of his antagonist but tho the coast was ccmpar-
avey clear could not see no human face that of
the speaker and was now very sure that he did not
mean his hose for he took opposite direction had
small time, however, for reflection, for as his speech
waxed warmer, he stepped little forward, and aimed
sort of backhanded blow, which descended with keen
sound and considerable force on-hs back "There
you Internal DEVIL take that, and that oc, shro1, the
switch descended.) That's for your meanness, Leroy
Jenkins Now, sir whatare you going tell your wife,
when you get home about the money yer got for her
eggs and huckeberries, you mean pup! You spent it
for LIQUOR did youl There take that sir, shroc, siro,c,
shro,o Well don't care fit does hurt it serves yor
right Leroy jenkins, for making beast YOURSELF and
fooling your wife, you mean whep you! You know,
sir when you left home, she told you that you couldn't
pass Simmons without spending all that money. You
know she did don't you Now sir, take that, (strotO,
shro,c sro) and you promise her, Leroy Jenkins
that you wouldn't go near Simmons, and would be sure
to buy her nice glass; and the petes kind of calico for
her bonnet, Didn't you, now, you cussed mean dog,
you Yes sir, you know you did, (shroU, shrO,c, soo
and the hickory descended with fighul keenness and,
Leroy Jenkins, what made you such fool as TO 60 by
Simmons at ALL when you saw Tom Walker standing in
the door ready to treat you and to drink all your money
up, What made you do that you rotten herring, you
ror, rOc) Well, sir, Ill pay you for all this(shrooO,
sRyoc) You'll go town and spend your wfes money
for whskey again, will -(and the blows were now
psrpetrated with more frequency than his words)
Although almost dying with suppressed laughter,
watched The inAiction of this sef-actng punishment,
which was bestowed with far more zeal than were the
thou sands of strips whereby Sancho to disenchant
the lady-love of his master At length Leroy jenkins
stopped either through pure exhaustion or because he
thought the delinquency was sufficiently punished
Throwing away his switch which by this time was little
frayed at the end he resumed his coat and his speech
"Now, Leroy Jenkins, now, sir you've got licked, and
we'll licked too this Ime and the very next time you do
this trick, III just fairly take the hide off of you. You
hear that, don't you and gohome, sir, to your wife
and beg her pardon, yon mean cuss, you.' slipped a.
way unperceived by this justicedeang cupr, but, me-
yer think of this without irresistible desire to
laugh. And now, whenever there happens 10 be a
little family breeze | can alway make my wife smile
by telling her, "l go into the woods, my DEAR and as
punishment for having vexed you fora while, I'll play
Leroy Jenkins"