Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1851-09-05
NATURAL HISTORY orTxxr a rYpE



The following, from the Louisville Journal
! is such an inimitabe satire upon the rearing OF
yonng nulfier, that we canno. forbear giving
it publication
Every dear little baby that is born in Caro-
lima, has bump of combatveness fankng each
side of Its darling head as big as a hens egg
These bumps, or something in them, lead TO the
most interesting results. The first thing null
lifier in embryo does, in getting his eyes open in
this world, is 10 seize the dark huZzy that is to
nurse him, by the flat end of her nose, and give
1t tweak which assures her that she is holding
| a genuine hero In her arms. AT the age of four
weeks, the little son of thunder has so matured
his fighting qualities that he thinks it rich pas
time to knock his nurse across the room by
we'll directed and we'll applied blow from his
miniature fist. As he grows old, he amuses
himself in upsetting all the negroes that happen
TO come in his way. He goes to school, and
! there perfects his education by becoming remark
ably expert in that most important and manly of
all exercises, namely, the science of pHgsm.
| Nothing is more common than to see n couple
of young men, not yet escaped from the bondage
! of rounda5onts, strip themselves in the road.
and just for fun, make few passes at each 9TH
err On these beautiful occasions, it always
happens that both these charming youths whack
away at each other till the claret streams deli ht-
fully from each nostril, and then covered with
dust and blood, they declare blood has been
drawn, it Is drawn battle, and adjourn to re-
sumo the sport the next day or next week.
"The last finishing stroke having been given
to his education the youthful secessionist is rea-
dy for Il suit of broadclotn, and beard to suit -
Having achieved so much he aspires to the pro-
prietorship of new pair of pistols, with which
he practices at confused outlines of men drawn
with chalk on barn doors. He then, with pis-
tolls all ready, mounts his horse. and with heels
all garnlshed with sirrups, proceeds to stir up
the neighborhOod by an eXertOn of his Dragging
propensities. He soon encounters a chap of
like intentions and fight is soon arranged. If
he is SO fortunate as to have an arm or leg per-
forated, his fortune is made, and by way of hon
or, he is dubbed Major, by majority of his neigh
bors, or admitted to the title OF General by gene
raj consent
"He is now ready for the rostrum, and ad-
dresses his fellow-ctizens at all the cross roads
in the country. If he has the consti;utonaliiy
of a member of the Legislature, that is to say, is
twenty-one years old, owns plantation of few
hundred acres, and at least ten negroes, believes
South Carolina to be whole continent, and her
people equal to all the rest of mankind, he is pref
ty sure to be turned into candidate for the Le-
gslature with pretty good chance of an cleo
ton. Having served term in the State House
at Columbia, he is regarded as one of the great
living orators Of the State, and holds himself re-
dy for any contingency. He is put in command
of the militia, reads the lives of Julins Caesar,
Hannibal, Alexander, and Scipio Atricanus, and
feels as martial as a thunder cloud. His hair
bristes up like clustering bayonets, his heart
beats ike drum, the snap of his thumb and fin
ger is like the crack of rifle, he sneezes like
swivel, and when he purges his nose, there is a
succession of sounds as come from trumpet
slightly affected with the asthma.
ole is full of fight. He longs for a field and
foe. His only chance is to get up fight with
the United States, and he turns his attention to
the grand subject of agitation. He becomes as
indignant as terrapin with coal of fire on his
back whenever he talks of wrongs which all the
world are striving to pile upon South Carolina.
tie takes his ground firmly, and avows himself
for dlsunion now and forever.
"Atl the newspapers speak of him as sort of
union Of Demosthenes and Hannibal; as an in
comparable orator, and soldier superior to any
of the worlds desoIators. He reads the life of
Marion, from Horny and Weems all about the
herculean achievements of his State during the
revolution. Henceforth his speeches take his
toricol turn, and he descants both luxuriously
and lnXurlantly on the nCalculable services rem
dcred by South Carolina to the cause of Indepen-
dence. And thus he keeps on dwelling until
he is gathered to his fathers"