The Portsmouth inquirer. [volume] (Portsmouth, O. [Ohio]) 1849-1855, 1851-10-17


@yers Of the card. He had Of course ieign
ed the drunkenness, for he was one OF thos'
who did love q glass occasionally, and hi
lequal at drinding was MOTTO be fcund ever!
lday. sc
As the lawyers retired, he leaped from th'
4 bed, and amid their meanings and hiccups
which prevented the possibility of shei
heating the least noise he secured his owI
clothing. even down 10 boots, and selecting
single article from the clothes of each o
the rest, distributed them around where hil
had been. This done, he retired, and By
snoring, soon satisfied tie lawyers that he
was fast in the arms Of the sleepy god, Nor
pheHs.
A short time elapsed, and the sprigs of tht
law called the name Of the Yankee. Hi
answered not; and they felt assured he wa:
too drunk ann sleepy to know anything, ant
| then their work commenced.
Brown slipped first from the beG. Gro.
ping around, be found where the Yankees
boots bad stood. and taking tie lamp. poured
its contents, agood pint Of the best winter.
strained, in them, Then he retired 10 his
bed.
A moment after, and Smith came forth
He could not,be SO haro on the Yankee, so
he only severed one leg from his pants, and
opening the window, he threw it out
Next in rotation from another bed came
Clark, and followed Jones, White and Bolt
each performing his part, and then retiring
to their respective beds.
The san had been up several hours-we
won't dispute about the number. reader,-
when Our worthless opened their eyes. They
looked about moment. and recollecting
that cour. opened at ten, they made prepara-
rations for partaking of breakfast.
Springing from their beds each seized his
own clothing and commenced getting into
lii.
Smith seized his pants and hauled them on.
10 his horror, he found them minus one leg.
He looked about like one endeavoring 10
solve some difficult problem. He sat down
OF bis bed, the very picture Of despair, while
the Others laughed heartily.
Smith, said one, you was too drunk last
night to joke, and cut off your trowser's leg.
You're a disgrace TO the profession
Meanwhile the others had been busy about
their clothes. Bolt found his vest severed
at the back, and one half was gone. Thus
he had served the Yankee, so he thought.
And you, too, was drunk, Bolt,' SAID
White - we'll turn you out
But White could not find his vest. He
recollected having noticed that the Yankee
had two on, it being cold, and that one OF
them he had thrown out Of the window
He looked out and there was the identical
vest, his own lying across the chimney to
the porch beneath, now burned 10 crisp.
TO what has the profession arrived \
said Brown. ALAS for it!'
Jones had by this time pulled on his coat
Both arms were gone and he looked as he
stood in astonishmen., with arms protruding
out from the edge of the coat, more like
fool than anything else.
What shall do?' he exclaimed; this
is too bad. I'm to defend an infringe ment
case to-day, and coat with no sleeves to i'll
Blast the Yankee'
Brown and Clark stood convulsed with
laughter, gazing at the sorry spectacle pre-
sented 10 their view. They gave what en-
couragemant they could to their fellow sprigs
At that moment the courthouse bell and
the village clocks pronounced the hour Of
ten.
Brown made all haste to pull on his boots
one on, and the other mostly so, when
strange sound was heard, and the oil came
squirting up about his legs. This was fol-
lowed by a shout Of laughter from the rest
Before he laughed; now, he took his turn
TO be laughed,at.
Alas for my client. wish that Yankee
had been in hell before he entered this house.
Gentlemen said Smith, 'its my humble
opinion that that confounded Yankee wasn't
my more drunk last night than we were. 1t
vas all sham on his part, and he has taken
Is in well. He's gone now; and now that
hink of ii, heard him get up last night after
We had turned in, and my opinion is be made
change, took his own clothes, and placed
,urs in their stead
This appeared plausible enough, and all con-
,Urred in ii.
The ce9Sing Of the ringing of the court house
'ell announced to Clark that it was time for
lin. 10 be moving, while the rest stood heaping
mprecations on the head of the Yankee.
Reaching the bar-room, Clark seized his hat
rom shelf, and instantly placed it upon his
lead full quart Of oil came trickling down
,ver his head and shoulders
Il thought / had escaped, but this is outra-
,ecus = he gasped. Blast the Yankee The
las spoiled my attending court to-day = and he
eturned to his companions, while the oil was
wedding its way down over his shoulders
During his absence, the Others had found
lote addressed to them, which ran something
lfter this style: 4
My Dear Friends: When you attempt to
make victim Of pedler, obtain one not SO |
bright as yourselves
They attempted joking no more during the {
session of the court; and when the story leak
I'd out, as of course it did, it was rather ex-
'ensive by way Of treats for all hands.