Cooper's Clarksburg register. [volume] (Clarksburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1851-1861, 1851-12-10
From the KnickerbOcker Magazine
A SCENE IN THE PATENT-oFFICE
IY AN oLp coNTRlDUToR.


by Az OLD CONTRIBUTION.
This Improvement said my loqua-
cious acquaintance, will dispense with
nine-tenths of the wood now used, and
will be considered in less than two years
the wonder Of the age
This remark was made to me at the
Patent Office at Washington, by one of
those eccentric characters whose life has
been made up by piling invention upon
invention, all of which, as far as they
were modelled and patented, were set up
to be gazed at by the loungers who visit
that great depository of American ge-
MUS, .
Ny acquaintance, unfortunately, had
spent his whole life for his country, but
n0 one moment for himself The fruits
of his intellect, and the labor Of his hands,
were very abundant all over the Patent
Office, but at home his wife was out of
flour, and himself and children were in
rags. The truth is, he never had mo-
nent's time to bestow upon his own i'm
mediate wants, for Science had taken him
captive, and had driven him for more than
thirty years, under the whip and spur,
through all the mysteries of mechanism.
He was mere originator of complex ma
chimes, but never carried anything into
practical operation, as Mat was mere
drudgcry. Invention was poetry to him,
but his mind was satisfied, and his stimu
lus vanished, when he became fully con-
WINGED that his labors were successful.
Nine-tenths Of the wood said
why, that's nothing you can't test your
Invention before the wood and the stove
will both be dispensed with, This is a
great age sir, in mechanics. Twenty,
thirty, forty years ago were great ages
too or were then so called, The great
ness of people in any department of
science is determined by the advance
nnent of preceding generations, not by the
perfection of the age itself; for we do not
! y9 know what the point Of perfection in
science is, or where or when it may be
found. Old Uncle Ben Franklin, great
as'he was in his day,would, if he should
suddenly appear among us, be a mere
boy in science
Ny acquaintance, however, who had
by this time grown warm upon his favo-
rite subject, opened upon me with his ar
gument, in which he attempted to show
that science had nearly reached perfec-
ton that first principles were all discov-
cred, and that nearly every application
and combination ofthem that were or ev-
er could be useful to mankind, were al
ready made in fine, that the intellect of
the present generation would, in all pro-
liability use up all the material which ma
turc has provided for it to feed upon; and
that in about twenty years, all physical
and scientific truths would be rolled up
like an old blanket, marked 'demonstra-
ted and filed away for the inspection of
fools that might follow after.
While listening to his harangue, the
walls around me began to expand wider
end wider, and the ceiling above raised
to an enormous height, while through
open doors or passages l saw room after
room groaning with thousands of models,
until It appeared as though l were in a
wilderness ofminiature machinery. Very
soon pert little gentleman, with quick
black eye, and pussy body, arrayed in
the Queerest costume ever saw, came
bustling up to me, and asked me for my
ticket. l inyoluntarily thrust my hand
into the depth of my breeches pocket and
pulling out card, delivered it TO him, af-
ter looking at the card, and then at me,
and then at the card again, he burst out
into a loud OUTLAW, that made the old
Patent Office ring. Why, SIR said he
this is no ticket. 1t is the business card
of one John Smith, advertising a patent
dog .churn, of which he here says he is
the real inventor, and it bears date in the
year 185O-nearly two hundred years
ago The churn may be found in the
room marked Inventions of year 1850,
but the man John Smith we havn't got
don't much think he is around above
ground Just at this time, said the little
man, chuckling. But said |, who
are you, ii am not John Smith Were
you not appointed by Fillmore's Secretary
of the interior, and did not put word
in his ear favorable to you = Fillmore
a Secretary Of the interior l'--exclaimed
he l appointed by Fillmore Why.
my dear sir, l was appointed only two
years ago-not two hundred Chief of
the Great Central Department. as the Of
fee is now called
While we were talking, Franklin, Adj
ans, Jefferson and Fulton, walked in and
took seats. l knew Uncle Ben the mo-
ment cast my eyes upon him, He was
dressed in good old '76 style shoe buck.
les, short breeches, queue and all that
tranquil countenance just touched, with
out being destroyed, by comedy-were
all there, Adams and Jefferson l had
before seen, and they were little modern
in dress, but they both looked care-worn.
Fulton set apart, and eyed the other three
as though he had seen them somewhere,
but yet could not call them by name.