The Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1846-1852, 1851-06-12
NeMsnnner Collerilng.

lead ii every one, and ask yourselves if ii
trikes at home. OF all the accounts sent
for collection, newspaper accounts take
he premium.
My Dear Sir have just returned from
! tour through this State, and proceed to
you with an account of my labors
and their success. | have been gone for
three months, and assure you, in all s%lncerl-
ty, that | am fully satisfied. You furnished
me with a list of one hundred and seventeen
owing subscribers, as you will recollect. 1
have called on one hundred undiour OF them'
and have the honor of paying over to your
order three dollars and twelve and one-hait
cents, being the amount TO which you are
entitled. | return you the list numbered l
10 1T, aud now give you the reply OF each.
No. lis n minister. He says in the first
place, he never got one half OF the numbers,
Ia lie, according ia the account ut the Post
mastery and in the next place. your loker's
column was too scurrillOus. He can't tmnk
of aiding 10 sustain a paper that adverIlses
horse races and gander pulling. Besides, he
knows from the tone of your editorials that
you drink, and paying you would only be the
means of ending your days in the kennel
He wonders at your impotence in sending
him his bill, after publishing the account of
the great PRIZE fight between Left Handed
Smoke and Gathering Bill. He wants Moth
ing to do with you-never wants 10 hear
from you again.
No. 2.--Ts in Jail for debt. He has not
seen a half dollar for u wear. Says he would
pay with the utmost cheerfulness if he only
had the money, but had to borrow n shirt to
put on last Sunday. Admires YOUR phper
wonderfully, and hopes you will continue
sending 1t to him. He wishes yon take a
bold stand in favor of the abolition OF imDrls-
onment for debt, MS. he thinks it would be a
very popular move with gentlemen in his
situation. If you send him any more pa
pers. he hopes that you will see that the
postage is paid, as otherwise he will be una
BILE to enjoy your incubriations. Sends his
best respects.
No. 3-Is n young doctor. Says your pa
per is benenth the notice of a gentleman.--
Wouldn't give - for a cart loOd Of them.
Says yon inserted an Orticle rejecting on the
profession. Only wishes he could catch you
here--would make you smell -. Is GO
ing to persuade every body that takes your
paper to stop it. Cnss'd your bill, and says
you may collect it in the best way you can.
No. As an old maid. Says you are al
ways taking D fling at single ladies' OF an
uncertain age. Wouldn't pay you it she
was rolling in wealth, and You hadn't money
enough to buy a crust of bread. Sent all the
papers she had back a month ago, and now
TINT she sent them back, she don't W you
anything. Says she is even with you. and
intends to keep 50 until the dav Of judgment.
Asked mo not to forget 10 tell Won that YOU
are no gentleman, or You wouldn't under
take to Islander a inrge and respectable class
of The female population of the country
No. Sis n gambler--a s%norling gentle
man. Snys he 20: COMPLETELY cleaned OH
Inst week at the races. Couldn't accommo'
date his grandmother with a dime If she was
starving. Likes your paper toIerably--
would like il better if yon published more
races and would occasionally give an account
Of n cock fight. Liked the description Of tho
prize fight nmnzingly--it redeemed a multi
tude of vour faults. Hopes YOU will no
: think hard of him for not paying YOU now
hut has got a prospect Of snon having SOME
loose change. az he is after n rich young
qreenhorn who arrived here last week.
Will pay your bill out Of the pluckiugs.
No. els m old drunkard. Hasn't 90
ANYTHING and never expects to have. Gath
, cred up all the napers that he had and sol'
them for pint Of rum to the doggery keepel
, TO wrap up groceries in. Wished you wonlt
send him a pile. as they cost him no postage
+ his brother in-law being Postmaster, nnc
permitting him to take out his letters fo'
nothing. Winked at ne when | presented
your bill, md inquired if | wasn't a distan
relation Of the man that butted tho bull of
the bridge.
No. lis magistrate. Swore he never
owed you n cent, and told mo | was a low
rascal for trying to swindle him in such
bareraced manner, Advised mo 10 maxi
f tracks in n little less than no time. Too
. his advice. Is by all odds the meanest ma
| have seen yet. Will never go near hin
again.
. No. SIS a politician. Says althoug.
you profess 10 publish n neutral paper, II /
> not so. Thinks he has seen a considerable
u squirting towards tho side to which he OPP
posed. Meant 10 have told you n year age
to stop his paper but forgot it. Tells you t.
do so now, and thinks you ure getting of
very cheOply in not losing any more by him
Believes you to be n rascal, aud is too hon
orablo to have anything to do with you, as i
might compromise him and %injure his pros
poets.
No. paid up like n man. The ONLY
one. Likes your paper first rHte, and means
to take aud pay for 1t us long as you publish
it or he lives. Asked me to dinner and treat
cd me like a king. An oasis in tho desert
> A man fit for heaven!
No. ISIS n merchant. Expects to breaI
I shortly. Must save all his small change
Offered mi Il pair Of breaches and a cottoI
handkerchief for the debt. Refused hlu
with scorn, Had a long jaw. Threalene,
| to break my head. Dared him to do it,
Threw a Ratchet at me. | lodged it an
put out.
Nos. IL to ll7--Mean MS rot, Had n
money--wouldn't pay--didn't lswor
!, I'd sue. Said | might sue and be hanged
Cursed all the little ones and hurried froT
/ the big. Never got the first red cent froI
ono of them.
The foregoing is a true extract from m
note book. | have not succeeded whit be
. ter with the patrons of the other publication
for which AIN agent, as it is impossible
collect from those who are determined nj
to pay. | have said | have been away tire
months. | have expended in that period tw
3 hundred and ten dollars travelling, aud m
entire commissions amount to eigh,y-tw
f, dollars and forty. five cents. am very viii