Herald of the times. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1849-1856, 1851-04-24
THE DECLARATION OF
INDEPENDENCE.
AN AMUSING PARODY.

on't upon lillt, hhNihS "'uu'I'u ou-
siderable property, grew very careless,
and so offended the lawyers by whom
his honsc had for many years been Wis
iling that during Il crowded session Of
the court. they with one accord Iorsook
him. leaving behnd them The following
parody on the Declaration of Independ-
encc:
When, in the cours, of human events,
it becomes necessary for halfhungry,
hali-fed. imposed on Sc, of men, TO dis
solve the bands of landlord and boarder,
n decent respect for the opinions e
mankind requires that they should de-
clare the causes which have impelled
them 10 the separation.
We hold these truths to he sclfcvi
dent: all men are created with mouths
and stomachs and they are endowed
by their creator with certain inaliena-
bile rights amorg which are. that no
man should be compelled to starve, out
of mere compliance to n landlord, and
that every man has a right to ill his
stomach and wet his whistle with the
best that's going.
The histo-y OF the present landlord of
the White Lion is history Of repeater
insults, exactons and injuries, al hav-
ing III direct object the establishment of
absolute tyranny over our stomachs
and throars. To prove this, let facts
be submitted 10 candid world.
He has refused TO keep anything to
drink but baldiacc whisky.
lie has refused to set upon his table
for dinner anything but turnep soup.
with little rougr-beef and sour crout
which are not wholesome and necessary
for the public good.
lie has refused to le: his only SER
want. blnk-eyed Joe. put more than six
grains OF coffee to one gallon OF wat
er.
He has turned loose "A multitude Of
mosquitoes TO assaIl us in tie peaceful
hours OF The night and eat out our sub
stance.
He has kept ur, in our beds and bed
steads, standing armies of mercIess
savages. whose rule Of warfare is undis-
tngulshcd destruction.
He has excited domestic insurrec-
ton among us, by taking hiltcrs before
breakfast, and making his wife and ser.
want do the sa ne before dinner. where
by there is often the very drnce to
pay.
lie has wagcd cruel war against ma
ture hcrseIi, by feeding on horses with
broom-straw and carry ing them of to
drink where tie swine refuse to wallow.
He has procc cd blnk-ryed Joe in
his vllany in the robbery of our jugs
10y pretending 10 give him mock trial,
after sharing with him the spod
He has cut oil our trade with foreign
ports, and brought in his ON bald lace
whisky. when we had sem hlm to buy
better liquor abroad and with perfdity
scarcely paral!elcd in the most barba-
rous ages, lie has been known to drink
our foreign spirits, and fill up our bot
tbs with his own dire polions.
lie has imposed taxes upon us to an
enormous amount against our consent,
and without any rule but his own arb-
trary will and pleasure.
A landlord whose character IL thus
marked by every act which may define
atyrant and Il miser is unfit to keep
boarding-house Tor Cherokee Indians.
Nor have we been wanting in our at
tention to Mrs. B. and Miss Sally
We have appealed to their native us
lcc and nagnanimity we have con-
jurcd them to alter state Of things
"hirh would inevitably interrupt our
connection aud correspondence. They.
too have been deaf to the voice of jus-
tIcc; we are, therefore, constrained to
hold all these parties alike inimical to
cur wcll-being and regardless of our
comfort.
We therefore make tins solemn dec
laration Of our final separation from
our landlord, and cast our defiance in
his teeth.
NARROW E.cAPE.---We understand
that the steamship America, Capt.
Shannon, which arrived mt this port
yesterday noon, was placed IN "A very
pcriIous position when running in for
Boston hartor. The officers ofihc ship,
not knowing of the destruction of Minot's
Light, the night previous, were rum ny
in for 1t As usual, and had got within full
view Of the GIadcs House, and in the
Immediate vicinity OF the breakers be-
fore they discovered the dangerous stu
alton Of the vessel. They were some
wha. astonishrd at first from the disap-
pcarancc OF the light house but the pc
culIar structure of the Glades House.
which could be distinctly seen, soon
made them acquainted with the locality,
and consequently the snip was immc-
dlately put about for more agreeable
quarters. Had they made that point
lev hours previous, the ship would
doubtless have struck, and sad indeed
would have been the result Boston
CouTier