The national era. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1847-1860, 1851-10-30
For tho National Era.
- ,yllg.REyERlE OF Al oI nNAm

For the National Era.
p =. ,Tl2s-REVERlE OF AN al NAln ~
am getting advanced in life some weeks
since | ,,oSsed my iorty-sXth birthday. IL was'
= 6,1isrg1seS,ys. 4..>5s - y 30 q -" -
were no gifts no kind congratulations None
near me knew. indeed that at eight o'clock on
the morning of the twenty first of June, another
wear Of the allotted three-scOre-and-ten was add
ed to my age.
| live almost alone in n small house. in a
small village 1t is pretty little cottage enough.
with its fresh paint and green blinds and there
is a small door-yard in front. where my roses
and hollyhocks may bloom and ilaunt unmolest.
ed have tiny gardcn-patch, with fcw
cucumber and squash vines, few currant
bushes, two or three rows of corn, and various
other homely vegetables, flourishmg grcenly in
its narrow precincts ! am not poor have
four thousand dollars at interest and for my
limited wants the income is more than ample
| am never harasscd by doubt or anxiety about
the means of living. | am very comfortably
situated, certainly; | ought to be very thankful
for my lot. Pray God that | am 30
| am lonely however. The little girl who
lives with me- and aids about the work of the
house, is pleasant child, and / like her com
pany young rs she is There is something 50
fresh in her ideas so frank and artless in her
speech that it does me good to be with her. |
like to see her, tUO, rs she goes about her var-
Gus duties humming the while snatch Of some
gay tune or singing in an undertone the words
of childish hymn But little Maggie has
parents living near and she has, in addition. a
host of brothers and sisters who are all so near
ly the same size that youmarvel when told that
there is full fourteen months difference in
the ages of most of them. When her work il
done, she finds it more pleasant to run in and
talk awhile with her mother, or romp with the
children, than to stay with the old maid
cannot blame her.
My neghbors come to see me quito often,
and occasionally have company to tea. Some
times child ventures in to ask for flower or
II man stops ut tho door to inquire if can make
half dozen shirts for him. Once in n long
time put on my best gown and newest collar
and 90 out to spend the afternoon Thus much
| ST, of ife--such share have ] in the busy
action of the world around me.
was not always so solitary, 80 isolated. A
large group and merry one gathered around
the hearth of my old home Loud shouts and
ringing laughter echoed through its halls-gay
voices sounded in the orchard and the garden
childish forms played upon the hillside, or
wandered by the brook And our mother was
there, too, with her pleasant smile, and our
father, strong in the prime of manhood
Years passed, and wrought many changes in
our household In the old parlor, three brides
had stood in maiden beHuty-two corpses had
lain in cold and white repose. Each had left
n vacant place, never to be filled again.
And yet other years passed ON my younger
brother grew up and went forth into the world i;
our mother died and was buried only my
father and | were left We were happy to-
gethey spite of all the changes all the sorrow
we had seen, we were yet happy, for each had
something to cling to, something to love. |
asked no more than TO devote myself to him
to make his comfort, his enjoyment, the study
of my life But he died, too-and when had
followed him to the grave, and returned to the
still, deserted house felt that now was in
truth alone,
My sisters offered me home with Them and
would gladly have accepted it. but feared to
do so had kept my own house for years, and
knew not whether could be happy in that of
another person. Besides | had my peculiar-
ties, my old-maidish ways if you will, and |
could not be sure that they would meet with
indulgence or respect | did not like to endan-
ger, even by trilling disagreements the contin-
uancc of that afiectionate understanding which
had always existed between my sisters and my
self So thanked Anna and Maria warmly
for their kindness, but told them | thought it
better for Inc to live alone They tried to dis
suadc me from the prQject--they represented "a
me how solitary would be | knew they spoke
the truth, but | still held to my resolve
bought this little house, and moved hithel
n portion of my fumihre-the chairs and ta
bles that had been in our old home so long
even the mirror, with its qiaintly-caryed frame
which for thirty years had hung between tho
parlor windows. During the week or tw,
which it took to put my place fairly in order
to clean, paint wash windows, and nail dowr
carpets was, if not happy at least occupied
and in measure absorbed. But when all wa
dOne-when no speck of dust remained on tn,
dark and polished tables--when the window
panes shone bright and clear, and the carpet
stretched unwrinklcd across the floor bcgar
10 feel my loneliness For few weeks ] livet
on rs ! was-l arose, ate and drank wher
night came, ! slept. IL was Il very dull anC
stagnant life and morc---it was besieged by
vain but bitter pning after past happiness, by
restless underlined warnings for happiness in
the future felt that ! was becoming discon.
tented and unthankful This will never do
SAID must have some fixed and settled EN-.
ployment, something to fill my hands and occu.
py my thoughts--this aunless life il too weary,
too dreary, TO be endured | resolved to take
in sewing, and to devote the proceeds to char.
ty tried the plan, aud it answered WE'LL
had now purpose to accomplish, an object to
attain. ! visited the poor of the ncighborhood,
learned their necessities, and ministcrcd 70 them
as far ~ | was able had the sweet con.
seriousness of being useful, of doing something
in my small way toward the happiness of man,
kind Existence no longer seemed tame and
ioyless it had interest and excitement even fol
me
For six years have lived thus my dali,
routine scarce varied save by occasional vlsn
from my brothers and sisters, or their children
Once or twice have gone TO see ANNA, wh'
resides about two hundred miles distant from
me, These visits are pleasant things we tall
over the old times and the old feelings till they
seem almost real, almost present to US. Blu,
when we have parted, and the house IL quiet
again-when there is no patter of little feet in
the entry, and the kind faces Of my sisters have
vanished from my sight-a sense of desolation