Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1851-07-01
A Question Settled:
Or, do Ladies ever SnOrcs

E
Or, do Ladies ever snore,
A debating society and the Knick-
erbocker Magazine ha We been dis
cqssing The question, ID 0 Ladies ever
Shore?" The following evidence fur
nl5hed by a correspondent Of the
aboye-named magazine, establishes
the fact that they do. Read, and
judge for yourself:
Reader, were You my greatest enc
mg-had you inflicted on me the
sorest injury would y ish no higher
calamity to befall you than to be
cursed with that chief evil of the
Greek epigrammatist a snoring wife.
Oh, snoring! thou art the bane OF
wddlock, the suumuDa aqa7um Of the
married man, the maligl music, the
last scream Of the syren. Worse
than the cup ofkCirce, thou tlrnest
our better halves into swine. The
Ills Of life which valiant ma n can
face, and fight, and yanquish, are such
as come in the light Of day; pr sent-
ing some palpable point of attack
and resistance; but what arIndr can
We take against troubles that assail
usEin the darkness Of night and the
privacy Of our bed-ehambers? Who
can war with womn's breathings?-
Who can battle with the air which
the beloved of his bosom res ires?
| lave often thought that the great
poet of antiquity, when he describes
tho priest of Apollo as retiring to
his penetralia, falling prostrate:B before
his Penates, and suddenly, amid his
devotions, horror-struck at he aring
the Kissing Of serpepts, intended only
d beautiful allegory to represen BIT a
good man couehed by the side Of a
sn6l'ing wife. In other discomforts
there may be some redeeming qua lily,
some circumstance Of mitigation, but
here there is nothing to allevi late,
nothing to cheer, nothing to hope.
Alas woman's CLOTHS Isl a reed that
never wears out; her trachea a wind
instrument that only acquires a
greater depth and strength of into
nation by use.
II % fortitude, no patience, no
Of mind, can bear up under
this calamity. 1t sets at naught all
the consultations Of study and medi-
tati0n. Equanimity is disconnected
and philosophy baffled. Socrates
proved to the world, that a philoso-
pier can live with a scold; but had he
beenl linked to a saore,., he would have
drank, lellebore before the first quar-
ter of the honeymoon had gone by.
Never shall / forget the night when
my slumhers we're first broken in
upon by that awful sound, the very
of which sends thee blood
cold tony heart. 1t came !
over my dreams like the first low
trem,llous note of the bassoon, when |
blown by "a unskilful player. !,
started from sleep. l raised myself
upon my elbow. I gazed by the light I
Of the moon on the beautiful face Of
Aralninta. More distinctly | heard |
the breath, as it was inspired, wheeze
through the larynx like the sound. Of
The bagpipe's drone when the bag is
flling. l ooked more intently-
Ny fair ones mouth was open. The
ma illaries had dropped apart at an
anglo Of not. less than thirty-three
legreeB. The nose. seemed to have
l pretarnatural projections Mis-
Lress Quickly would say, ut was sharp
rs a pen and when the air went /
'attlifg down the wind-pipe, the
cheek became compressed and dim
lied between the jaws, like tie skin
N the ribs Of a wind-broken horse
'AIcrdiful Heaven!' said | to myself, i
and is this tn ; lovely creature whom
led tplthe altar yesternight2' The
'omance Of our co irtship was dashedE Il
loWn ID an instant; the bright visions
# connubial bliss finished away for
yer! I,
Isulik back on my pillow over
covered With the reflection that I
Tas indissolubly bound to a Snorer.l
once passed might at place near ]
! u Il ~.