Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1851-10-03
Vaiedictory OF a Bachelor Editor.

The Evansville (Ind.) Journal has recently
lost its bachelor editor and gained him aoaip in
an improved shape lie INDUCES in some self
reproach, but puts it to tie fraternity he has aban
doned after the following manner. We pity the
! man who is a bachelor, and who can read the
following without having an uncomfortable sen
sation under the left ribs. The new-fedged ed
itor talks as follows
In announcing the fact of our return home
with rib, we cannot refrain from expressing
our profound disgust of bachelorism and bacheI-
ors--and We expect to be Disguised with both
several weeks. We are well aware that in time
gone by we occasionally made ourselves rdicu-
Ions IN the eyes OF sensible man, by upioding
the bachelor state as the only life of happiness,
independence and earthly glory. But We We're
young and green then, and of course knew but
one side OF the subject. Now stand up here, Won
consumed ngIy 'picturs' of humanity, rejoicing
in the name Of bachelors, and answer US a few
questions.
What are you fit for in this world? What
good are you doing your country! What are
you doing for prosperity ? What interest have
you the generation yet unborn you read of?
Where will you be when an old men, if your vile
habits ever permit you to arrive at good old
age? Won't you be like lonely, scared and
scathcd trees standing in big clearing without
a companion, and your life unprotected from tho
troSts by your young saplngs and shrubs at your
feet? Orwon't you be like pumpkins in a corn
held, more prominent because of your prod gious
ugIIncSs aud loneliness, than the stalks at your
side laden with golden grain? Hold your heads
up and talk like men, whether you can act 50 or
not. Now, don't You feel ashamed of Yourselves
Look al the girls about you, all smiles and sugar
hearts overlooking with love ready to be spill
ed on the first good fellow that can touch their
pathles-feclings rich as cream, which by a
kindred spirit can soon be worked into butter and
spread all over your life till you are happy as the
birds OF spring. Look at EN-, and feel the dis
gnstlng position which you occupy in the cab
bage garden of humanity. What are you hold
ing back for Now just reform-put on your
best looks and your best coat-visit the girls ice
cream them, talk to hem prettily, drive them,
walk them please them-then propose, yet ac-
cepted, marry, and the country will rely on you
as faithful and well disposed citizen.
TIE RULING PASSION" Captain D." said
lady passenger, "you must be happy man, to
be master of so beautiful boat" " She is n
beautiful boat, madam-sits on the water like u
duck" lie was " in town" as long as the cor
versatOn was about steamboats,. CAPTAIN D. -
said another lady, blue stocking of the lydia
Languish tribe, "what do you think of the immor-
tai Shakespeare ?" Think, madam think
think she burns too much wood, drawsltoo much
water and carries too little freight" We never
learned whether the Captain stayed any longer or
not.
AN ENLIGHTENED FLoCK.-It is related of a
worthy divine, whose field of labor was situated
not many hundred miles from Salem, that he
preached politics to his congregation for such a
length of time that even the Oldest church men,
bcrs forgot all about the gospel, and fell into pro-
found ignorance with regard to crceds, forms of
worship, and church regulations After the cler-
gymans DEATH the elders of the flock went TO
consult celebrated divine about obtaining u sue
ccssOr.
"What is your creed ~ asked the divine.
"Our creed ?" asked the elders
Yes, your principles, what are they p
"Oh! we are all Democrats buttwo.'
"lmean what is your platform, your church,"
"Oh! exclaimed one " that is principally
oak <"