The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1851-12-10
Ii.
SHORT YARN BY DAN MARBLE.

GUILTY---ECT DRUNK!
=. SHORT by DAN MARBLE
~ Many years ago, when the State of Geor,
H. was yet in its infancy, an eccentric crcatu
So named Brown, was of it's Circuit Judges
Is He man of considerable ability, of infle
S. ible integrity, and much beloved and rcspcct
,r by all the legal profession, but he had one cor
mon fault. His social qualities would lead hin
re- despite his judgment, into frequt mt excesses
N In travelling the circuit, it was his almost invar
e able habit the night before opening the court
Y get comfortably corned,' by means of appl
e ances common upon such OCCASIONS If h
d could mt succeed while operating upon his ow
is hook, the gentlemen of the bar would general
turn in and help hial.
1t was IN the spring of the year, taking hi
!, wite-a model of 4 woman in her wav-in tn
: old fashioned, but strong carry-all,' that h
iourneycd some forty miles, and reached the vii
r lagc where the court was to be opened The ne \
day 1t was along in the evening of Sunda
that he arrived at the place, and took up quar-
tcrs with relation of his better half by wl,or
the presence of the official dgnitary was con
sidered singular honor After supper, Judp
Brown strolled over to the only tavern in tli
, town, where he found many old friends, ca'e
to the place like himself, on important profss
sional business, and who were proper glad t.
meet him.
'Gcntemcn, said the Judge, stis quite Ions
time since we lave enjoyed glass together
let's take horn all round. Of course, S'crritt
addressing the landlord you have better liquo
than you had the last time we were here-tht
stuff you had then, was not fit to give dog.
S'erritt, who had charge Of the house, pre-
tended that every thing was right and so they
went 4 -,
on about in country tavern-it will quite an.
swer our purpose that somewhere in the regior
of midnight the Judge wendcd his very deviou:
way towards his temporary home. About the
time he was leaving, however, some Younger
barrister fond of practical joke, and not much
afraid of the bench, transferred all the silver
spoons of Sterrtt' to the Judges pocket
1t was eight O'Clock on Monday mcrning that
the Judge rose Having indulgcd in the process
of abulution and absterson, and partaken of a
cheerful and refreshing breakfast, he went to
his room to prepare himself for the duties of the
day.
well, Polly, said he to his wife, 81 feel much
better than expected to feel, after that froc oi
last night -@a
'Ah, Judge, said she reproachfully, you are
getting too old-you ought to leave off that
| business
s.Ah, Polly, what's the use of talkine:''
1t was at this precise instant of time, that the
Judge, saving put on his overcoat, was proceed
ing according to his usual custom, to give his
wife parting kiss, that he happened, in thrust
ing his hand into his pocket, to lay hold of Ster
rtt's spoons. He pulled them out With an
expression Of horror almost indescribable he ex
| claimed
AMY God! Polly!!"
sWFat earths the matter, Judge -
stJust look at these spoons
"Dear me, where d you get them"
| "6ct them: Don't you see the initials on
them: extending them towards hcr-"I stole
them
'.stole them, Judge:'
ayes, stole them
"My dear husband, it cannot be possible
:. from whom ~
"From Stcrritt, over there-his name is on
them.'
"Good heavens! How could it happen ;"
al know very well, Polly-I was very drunk
when [ came home, wasn't | -
"Why Judge, you know your old habit when
you get amongst those lawyers"
"But was very drunk"
| ayes, you was
'Was remarkably 50, when got home, Mrs
Brown.''
ayes, Judge, drunk as fool, and forty times
as stupid "
81 thought So said the Judge, dropping into
n chair in extreme despon dency-"I knew il
would come to this at last. have always
thought that something bad would happen to
me-that would do something very wrong
kill somebody in a moment Of passion, per-
haps-Dut never thought that should be mean
enough to be guilty Of deliberate larceny''
s.But there may be some mistake, Judge:"
"No-no mistake, Polly. know very well
how it came about That fellow Sterritt keeps
the meanest sort of liquor, and always did Ii
quor mean enough to make man steal and
now have practical illustration of the fact, "
the old man burst into tears.
"Dont be child" said his wife wipinr away
the tears, 4" go, like man, over to Sterritt, and
tell him it was little bit ofa frolic-pass it of
as jokc-go and open court, and nobody will
ever think of it again.
| little of the soothing system operated upon
the Judge, as such things usually do, and his
extreme modification was finally subdued-an
over to Sierrits he went, with tolerable face.
OF couise he had but little difficulty in settling
with hm-for aside from the tact that the
Judges integrity was unquestionable he had an
nkling of the joke that had been played.
| Judge Brown proceeded to court and took his
seat but spoons and bad liquor-bad liquor and
poons-larceny, liquor, drunk, spoons and
Judge Brown were so mixed up in his worship
IL
did not look so. in fact the judge felt cut
down, aud his usual self-possesscd manner of
dsposing of business, his dicton and decisions
were not what Judge Brown had been noted
/ for.
Several days had passed away, and the busi-
ness of the court was drawing towards a close
when one morning, rough looking fellow was
+ arraigned on a charge of stealing. After the
clerk had read the indictment to him, he put the
usual question.
.Guilty, or not guilty."
"Guilty, but drunk" answered the prisoner
"What's that plea?" exclaimed the Judge
who was half doing upon the bench.
ale pleads guilty, but says he was drunk,
replied the clerk.
sWhat the charge against tire mani
'sHe is indicted for grand larceny"
:, "Whats the case?''
. sMay it please your honor said the prosecu
ting attorney, 'sthe man is regularly indicted
for stealing large sum of money from the Co
: lumbns Hotel
| ale is hey? and he pleads
"lIe pleads guilty, but drunk.
The Judge was now fully aroused.
"Guilty, but drunk that is most cxtraordn
ary plea. Young man, are yeu certain yor
were drunk"
eyes, sir ... i
"Where did you get your lquor:'
"At Sterritt's."
, "Dd we yet none no where else -
''Not drop, sir
you got drunk on his liquor, and afterwara
stole his money!
> Yes, SIR"
"Mr Prosecutor" said the judge' edo me th
favor to enter a nolle prosequi in that man
case The liquor OF Sterritts is mean enoug]
to make man do anything dirty. got drum
on 1t ngseiftte ohter day, and stole all Sterrin'
spoons ,t-Rclcasc the prisoner, Mr.: Sheriff.
adjourn the court.
Isg> During the Embargo, a debate was ha
) in the Assembly of Pennsylvania, upon the ex
pediency of new organization of the militia
during which, member from one of the Ger
r man shires exclaimed:
s "Mr. Speaker, me tnk dc militia init do mi
| e. ,,,itl,,1t de orrans.o