Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1851-06-27
NEWSPAPER COLLECTING.
From a South Carolina Paper

you with an account of my labors and their sue
cess. have been gone tor three months, anc
assure you, in all sincerity, that am fully sat.
lshed, You furnished me list of one hundred
and seventeen owing subscribers, as you will
recollect. have called upon one hundred and
four of them, and have the honor of paying
over to your order three dollars and twelve and
one-hat cents, being the amount TO which you
are entitled. Ireturn you the list numbered one
to one hundred and seventeen, and now give
you the reply of each:
No. lis minister. He says, in the first
place, he never got one half of the numbers Ga
lie according to the account of the Post master, }
and in the next place, your joker's column was
TO scurr lous. He can't think of aiding to sus-
tain paper that advertses horse races and gander
pulings. Besides he knows from the tone OF
your editorials that you drink, and paying you
would only be the means of your ending your
days in the kennel. He wonders at yorz impu-
dence in sending him his bill after publishing the
account of the great prize fight between Left
Handed Smoke and Ba!tering Bill. He wants
nothing to do with you-neyer wants to hear
from you again.
No.2-ls In Jail for debt. He has not seen a
half dollar for a year. Says ne would pay
with the utmost cheerfulness, if he only had the
money, but had TO borrow shirt to put on last
Sunday. Admi,es your paper wonderfully, and
hopes you will continue sending it to him. He
wishes you to take a bold stand in favor of the
abolition of Imprisonment for debt, as he thinks
it would be a very popular move with gentlemen
in his situation. Ii your send him any more
papers he hopes that you will see that the post
age is paid, as otherwise he will be unable to
enjoy your lucubrations. Sends his best re-
spects.
No. 3-Is young doctor. Says your paper
is beneath the notice ola gentleman. Wouldn't
give - for a cart load. Says you Inserted
an article rejecting on the profession. Only
wishes he could catch you here.-would make
you smell -. Is going to persuade every
body that takes your paper to stopit. Cuss'd
your bill, and says you may collect it in the best
way you can.
No. lis an old maid. Says you are always
taking fling at single ladies of an uncertain
age. Wouldn't pay you if she was rolling in
wealth, and you hadn't cash enough to buy a
crust of bread. Sent all the papers she had
back month ago, and says now that she sent
them back. she don't owe yon any thing. Says
she is even with you, and intends to keep so un-
til the day of judgment. Asked me not to for
get to tell you that you are no gentlemen, or you
wouldn't undertake to SANDER large and re-
spectacle class of the female population of the
country.
No. SIS a gambler-a sporting gentleman.
Says he got completely cleaned out last week at
the races. Couldn't accommodate his grand
mother with dime if she was starving. Likes
your paper tolerably-woull like it better if you
published more races and would occasionally
give an account Of cOck-fght. Liked the de-
scription of the prizc-ight amaZngly-it redeem
ed a multitude of your faults Hopes you won't
think hard of him for not paying you now-but
has got prospect OF soon having some loose
change, as he is after rich Young grecnhorn who
arrived here last week. Will psy your bill out
of the pluckings.
No. els an old drunkard Hasn't got any
thing and never expects to have. Gathered up
ali the papers that he had and sad them for half
pint OF rum to the doggery-keeper to wrap gro
ceries in. Wished you would send him pile
as they cost him no postage, his brother-in-Iaw
being postmaster, and permitting him to take out
his letters and papers for nothing. Winked at
me when presented your bill, and inquired if
wasn't distant relation off the man that buted
the bull off the bridge.
No. It's a magistrate. Swore he never
owed you a cent, and told me | was low rascal
for trying to swinde him in such a barefaced
manner. Advised me to make tracks in little
less than no time, or he would get ont a warrant
against me as common cheat, and have me sent
to prison. Took his advice. Is, by all odds, the
mcanest man have seen yet. VIII never 90
near MN again.
No. SIS a politician. Says, although you
profess to publish neutral paper, it is not So
Thinks he has seen a considerable squirting to-
wards the side to which he is opposed Meant
to have told you year ago to stop his paper but
10 81, -; III
you are getting off very cheaply in not losing
any more by him. Believes you to be a rascal,
and is too honorable too have any thing to do with
you, as it might compromise him an injure his
prospects.
No. 9-Paid up like man. The only one
Likes your paper first rate, and means to take
and pay for it as long as you publish it, or he
lives. Asked me to dinner and treated me like
a king. An oasis in the desert! A man fit for
Heaven
No. lois merchant. Expects to break
shortly, must save all his small change. Offer
ed pair of brooches and a cotton handkerchief
for the debt. Refused him with scorn. Had
long jaw. Threatened to break my head
Dared him to do it, Threw Ratchet at me-
| lodged it and put out.
Nos. ii to ll7-Mean as rot Had no mon
ey-wouldn't pay-didn't owe. Iswore Id sue
Said might sue and be hanged. Cursed all the
little ones and hurried from the big. Never got
the first red cent from one of them.
The foregoing is a tue extract from my note
book. have not succeeded whit better with
the patrons of the other publication for which
| am agent, as it is impossible to collect from
those who are determined not to pay. have
said have been away three months. have eX-
pended in that period two hundred and ten dollars
travelling, and my entire commissions amount
10 eighty-two dollars and forty-tive cents. | am
very Wiling to de my share towards the propa-
CATION of news. but more than that no reason
bic man could ak. This business don't exactly
suit mel can stand it.
Please accept my resignation aud strike my
name from your list of agents. ! admire your
paper very much myself, but it would be queer
looking sort of a concern that would come fully
up to the requirements of every body. One wants
independence in an editor-another don't want
any. One wants all slang-anOthcr wouldn't
touch journal that contained an irreverent line
with a ten-toot pole. One ser timental, lackada-
isical Miss in pantaIetts wanted nothing but love
poetry, another never read any thing but the mar
riages.
All kinds of abuse I have to bear too.
wouldn't mind it so much if they only cursed
You and your paper, but they curse me too
Swindier, rascal, villain, bIood-sucker. These
are some of the names they think proper 10 be-
stow upon me. tried fighting for a while and
thrashed several of your patrons, but occasionally
I rr0t licked like thunder myself Once | uaa