Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1851-11-04
From fhs EoaasTisal (onranf
sFcRy or ~ oLD BACHELOR.


The was 4 fine old General once. who. hay-
ing spent most Of bis life in the field of Mars,
knew very lisslo about the camp Of Cupid -
de was ore Of those rough and honest spirits
often met with 10 bis gallant profession inuo.
cent as an infant Of almost anything save high
integrity and indcmitable bravery. He was
nearly fifty years old. and histoils we're over,
when master Don Cupid brought him ac-
quainted With widow Wadman, III whose
eye he began to detect something that made
him uneasy Here was The result Of leisure.
During his service be had never seen any.
thing worthy Of notice in wonsan save. In
fact be would scarcely have Observed wheth-
er woman had three eyes ii her head ar en-
ly one; for no matter where his own eyes
were, his thoughts were ever among "guns,
drums and wounds. and love was tl,iag that
lived in bis memory just as be remembered
once reading visionary story book called
the Arabian Nights Entertainments, when
a boy
Well, the General had settled down into
an amiable, gentlemanly old fellow, living
alone with comfortable wealth around him !;
having little to do, save now and then 10 en-
terrain an old comradc in arms, which com
panionship afforded opportunity for him 10
fight his battles Ger again But alas o err
this calm evening of the old Generals dag a
deal Of perplexity was doomed to fall, and he
soon found himself in troubled waters, the
depth Of which be could by no means under.
stand lie founderod about like Gagged
rat under a pump--and such afother melan-
choly fish out Of water never before swallow
ed the bait. hook and all, Of the angling god
Of love. The poor General We must give
him a name or we can't tell the story anathe
best name for such story is Uncle Toby
Poor General Uncle Toby debated abstract
eddy about bis new position, and never had
seige or campaign given him such perplexity
before.
At length, however the blunt honesty Of
bis disposition rose uppermost among his con.
Aicting plans and his course was Chosen
At school he had once studied "othello's
Defence" to recite at an exhibition, but made
a great failure; and lie now recollectcd there
was something ip this defence very much
like he wanted to say He got the book i'm
medately, found the passage. clapped on bis
hat with determined air. and posted off to
widow Wadman's With Shakespeare under his
arm.
Madam" said General Uncle Toby, open
ing the book at the marked place, with the
solemnity Of a special pleader at the bar
''Nladam--
rude am I in my speech,
And little bless'd with the set phase ofpeacc
For since these Of mine had seven years pith
Till now some nine moons wasted. they have used
Their dearest action in the tented field
And little of this great world can speak,
More than pertains to feats Of broil and battle,
And therefore,
Here the General closed the book wiped
forehead, looked up at the ceiling. and said
with spasmodic gasp, III rant TO get mar
ried"
The widow laughed for ten minutes by the
watch before she could utter a syllable, and
then she said with precious tears Of humor
rolling down her good-natured checks. "And
who is it you want to marry, General?'
"You," said Uncle Toby, flourishiug his
sword arm in the air, and assuming militia
ry attitude of defiance, as if he expected an
assault from the widow Immediately.
"Will you kill me if marry you" said the
widow with a merry twinkle in her eye
mo, madam" replied Uncle Toby in a
most serious and deprecating Tone as If to
assure her that such an idea had never enter
ed his head
"Well, then, l guess I'll marry you," said
the widow.
"Thank you, ma am" said Uncle Toby
"but one thing am bound to tell you Of
madam; rear rig p
The widow started. remained silent mo.
ment, and then went into longer, louder
and mcrrier laugh than she had INDUCED
in before, at the end Of which she drew hei
seat nearer the General. gravely laid hel
hand on his head, gently lifted his wig of unt
placed it on the table.
General Uncle Toby had never known
fear in hot battle, but he now felt most dc.
cisivc inclination to run away. The widow
laughed again, as though she never would
stop and the General was about to lay hi
hat upon his denuded head and bolt, when thu
/ facetious lady placed her hand TO her owr
with sort Of military precision. executed :
rapid maneuvre with her five fingers. pulleS
off her whole head of fine glossy hair. aut
placing it upon the table by the side Of th'
Generals remained seated with ludicrou
gravity in front of her accepted lover, quii
/ bald!
AS may be expected. Uncle Toby nov
laughed along with the widow, and they soor
grew so merry over the affair that the mait
servant peeped through the keyhple at III,
noise, and saw the old couple dancing jis
and bobbing their bald pates at each otbc
like pair Of Chinese mandarins. SO tn
two very shortly laid their heads together
upon the pillow Of matrimony."
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PHILADELPHIA QUAKER.