The Portsmouth inquirer. [volume] (Portsmouth, O. [Ohio]) 1849-1855, 1851-02-24
Leroy Jenkins..

! While riding. not long since IN the old
county oil Std, in Va, and passinp a
rarely heqnented road, / heard noise that
at once arrested may attention. II was so
liloquy in very loud key. aud interlartled
with an occasional oath to prove that the
coloquist was in earnest. Guiding nv
horse quietly in the direction OF the voice, i
saw fellow evidently about half corned
deliberately cuttings long hickory switch
and talking to. himself at the same time viii
tgrrat earnestness. ! Thought at fist tha; ht
I Intended TO whip his horse, that stood tied
hard by, and Twas about turning Of, whpr
a new set ofphrases in his self talk arrested
me at once, and made IEe the witness o
the following scene: ~.
"Well, now, Leroy Jenkins, | expect yo
will catch goss in a little while. 1t won
be long first, before Leroy Jenkins hid
gets painted some. .Ih pay YOU, Lero
Jenkins, for al all this, you trifing Gus
you"
Being in some doubt whether Lero'
Jenkins was tie name of his horse, or O
some expected combatant whose pre- para
tions, of a character similar 10 those / have
mentioned, were quietly progressing shor
distance on, l determinedto wait the issue
of these fi'rce threats, and throwing my les
overmy saddle, lprepared to brcome a calm
spectator OF the fight, and perhaps an un.
plre when one party or the other had go
i enough.
Myfriend of The hickory, as soon as he
had cut and trimmed his switch. and salts
fed himself OF its elasticity and. unbroker
strength, lai il down on The ground talking
all the tma in very trucuenl manner, Of
Leroy jenkins. Deliberately taking off his
coat, and laying it on log, he took no hi:
fail, and the first heard of his succeeding
soliloquy, was about as follows: .
'"Now Leroy jenkins, amt you asha med
ofyourself, you nasty hound pup, and am
! just now going to give you your bi;ters, you
internal mean reptile, YOU !" ri.
In the mean time leaned little forward
TO catch glimpse Of his antagonist, but
though the coast was comparatively clear
| could see no human face save that Of the
speaker, and was now very sure that he
did not mean his hor,e, for he took an op
posite direction. had small time, howev
er, for reflection, for as his speech waxel
warmer. he stepped little forward, anc
aimed sort of backhandpd blow which de
scended with keen sound and considerable
force on-his orn back
"TAere you internal devil. take that. ant
that, and that, (8hrop, Shrow, the switc h de
scended.) That's for your meanness, Lero,
Jenkins. Now, ,,sir, what are you going /,
tell your wife when you 60 home, about tn,
money yougot for her eggs and buckle Der
ries, you mean pup? You spent it for liauor
did you? There take that sir, (shrolo, shrou
shrolo,) She told you, Leroy Jenkins, to bu
her looking glass, and enough calico t
make her a chicken. bonnet, and where ar
they, yon darned cess YOU? Gone for liduoI
hey? (ahroD, ohroD Shro,o,) Well dom
care lift does hurt, it serves you right Lero
Jenkins, for making a beast ofyourself, AM
foollng your poor wife. you mean whelp you
You know, sir, when you left home, she tolc
you that you couldn't pass Simons's with
out spending all that money. You know
she did, don't you? Now, sir, take tina
(shroto, ahrow, Shrolo,) and didn't you prom
ise her, Leroy, that YOU wouldt 20 nea
Simmons'sand you would be sufe 10 buy he
a nice glass, and the pretiiest kind of calic
! for her bonnet? Didn't you, now, YOU Gus
sed mean dog you. Yes, sir, you know yo
did (shroW, strolc, Shro,o, and the hickory de
scended with frghtful keenness,) J aud Lsro
jenkins, what made you such fool as TO q
BY Slmmons's at all when you saw Ton
) Walker standing in the door ready to trea
/ you, and to drink ull your money upY Wha
, made yo' do that, you rotten herring you
(Shro,o, 8hrei0.) Well, sir, I'll pay YOU 70
| all this, (shrotO, shrolO.) You'll go to tow
and spend your wifeis none, for whiske
again, will you 2" land The blows were re
7 peated with more frequency than his words.
Although almost dying with SUPPRESS
laughter, wa lched the inhiction of sell
! acting punishment, which was beslowe
with far more zeal than were the thousa nd
/ olstrokes whereby Sdncho was to disc ncban
the lady love OF bis master, All length LIE
roy Jenkins stopped, either from pure ex
haustion or because he thought the delin
quency was sufficiently punished.
Throwing way his switch, which by thi
time wasa little frdyed at the end, he re
sumed bis coat and his speech.
wow LEROY Jenkins, now, SIR, you've 60
licked, too, This time, and the next time yol
do this trick, I'll just fairly take the hide of
ofyou. You hear that. don't you, and nov
,, so home to your wife, and beg her pardon
you mean cuss you"
1 slipped away unperceived by this jus
tice dealing culprit, but never think {
| this scene without an irresistible desire I
laugh. And even now, whenever iher
happens to be little family breeze, co
. always make my wife smile by telling he
"pll go into the woods my dear, and as
punishment for having vexed you, for
r while I'll play Leroy Jcakias,- Spirit ofti
t Times. -