The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1851-09-24
Confoundisag = Coal-Por.er with .
a:Alnnrfenr.


The colporteur Is an authorised agent Of the
American Tract Society, sent into given dis.
trict Of country, for the sale or gratnitous dis
tribution OF its tracts and other religious pub.
locations. There is a branch If this society ia
St. Louis.
An Irish laborer, just arrived from Dublin,
where he had lived from his birth-hea airing that
the aforesaid society was prepared to give en-
ploymcnt to an active colporteur, and mistaking
the business for that Of coal porter, at which he
had spent many yrar--and for which his her.
culean frame peculiarly adapted hi.n--he pre-
scented himself for the situaton and in 80 pre-
seating himself the following dialogue occurred
between him and the pious-looking gentleman
in the office:
Irishuan-" Your servant, sir.
OJscsr Of tbs Socicty-S:r, your humble SER
want
Eishman-" A mighty 6ne day this, sure, in
tirely"
Officer" II pleascth Providencs to vouchsaie
10 us a mild senson."
Irishman---.. Be gor, was just thnkin' that
this must be o mighty fine country altogether
fur the grain business--the cattle require SO
little foddcrin' such fine weather as this.
| Ofcel -" The country, friend, is bounteous
one; but man makeh not due retuih iof TIE
gifts unto him given
bishman--" Pom my sowl, altogether, you
look as quiet as Tim Buckley's dog-and ne
was quiet that he wouldn't bark if body
kicked him-I think you're about as cross as
the cats. If you name that | have made no
return for any gifts ever got, despise the
! name dirty insnuation. The only gifts ever
got was a pair Of visited (worstcd) stockings
from Kitty Finn, an didn't make her pre-
sent OF beautiful calico gown, in return for
them. | tell We, sir, that cum here to ask
| you civil question, an iii listen TO nothn'
that I'D east a slur upon Mick Mulligan's son,
add that's raeself.'
Officer Thou speakest In paradoxes,
yonng man. have not said aught to offend
thee"
az Christy Casey said when he cut the tail OF
his pig, have YOU a situation tor me (!
OHcsr-" What situation seekest thou The
only situation we have now open, Is that OF col
| porteur. It's"
Irishmaa--" Stop, me ould gentleman, for
that's quite enough don't put yourself TO any
unnecessary trouble Of telling me what coal
porther is; be gor, sp:nt seven long years at
it in Dublin, and always carried two sacks a. a
time Pshaw wasn't my father before me a
coal partner, and wasn't | born on the coal
quay myself Tell me what coal porther Is,
indeed' WIN you give me the situation OF a
coal porthrr?
OWeer-" Dung man, nave gwen lhee u"
cause Of offence. You seem TO misunderstan nd
the natures of the duties required by the person
whom we would employ. We want him to
travel in the country, and to distribute books
and tracts among those who seek the light, but
are in darkness
Iri.hman-" And you call such one as that
a coal porther, do you:"
0fcer--"l call him colporteur, most GER
tainly."
Irishman-" Well, presumin' TO me, but yo
have read the Universal Spelling Book to little
advantage doesn't that say-coal- porther-ond
tcso hands coals-and now you'd be for con
vartin' fyin' statoner--a fellow that a good
sack of the Kilkenny diamonds would break on
his back-into coal-porther. Oh poodsnorn-
in to you, old boy,-pat yer situation in your
| pocket and make bacon of it I'm willing to
accept of any dacent employment, but no one
will ever see the son Of Mick Mulligan galavan-
tin through the country, with his books under
his arm, lust if he wor a poor scholar, what
none of his breed was. Good nsosrin', SIR
GOOD morning, friend said the officer,
thinking he h-d got clear Of queer customer,
puzzled TO divine what il vas at which he had
got 80 angry Yankee Blade.