The primitive Republican. (Columbus, Miss.) 18??-1852, 1851-04-03
NEW SERIES, VOL l NO. 4G.
Leroyycnkins.


Inc 1ollowlng az pltsaaAstory was told some
time SINCE IN the M Spirit Of the Times.
Many Of our readers may already have per
used It, yet it IS one of thoA stories they can
well afford to read twice lun It over and
judge for yourselves:
While riding, not long since in the old
county Of Std, in Va, aid nassino
along ararely frequented road, Sheard a
noise that al once arrested my attenion. II
was a soliloquy in d very loud key, nd in
terIarded with an occasional oath to ,rove
that the colloquist was in earnest. GuiIng
my horse in the direction of the voice, Saw
al fellow about half corned, deliberate, cuttiH,
a long hickory switch, and talking to him.
self at the sane time, with great carnesthess
j thought at first that heTintended toBhiI
his horse, that stood tied hard by, and EFaI
about turning of, when new set of phras-
les in his self-talk arrested me at once, and
made me the witness of the following scene
Well now, Leroy jenkins, / expect YOU II
catch goss in little while. 1T won't be long
first, before Leroy Jenkins hide gets pain
ted some. I'll pay you, Leroy jenkins, for
all this, you trifing cuss, you"
Being in some doubt whether Leroy .Jen-
kius was the name of his horse, or of some
expected combatant, whose preparations, of
character similar to those / have mention
ed, were quietly progressing a short distance
off, determined to wait the issue of those
fierce threats, and throwing my leg over my
saddle, prepared to become calm spectator
of the fight, and perhaps an umpire when
one party or the other one got enough.
My friend of the hickory, as soon as he
had cut and trimmed his switch, and satisfied
himself ofits elasticity and unbroken strength
laid it down on the ground, talking all the
time In a very truculent manner of Leroy
Jenkins Deliberately taking off his coat
and laying it on log, he took up his fail
and the first heard of his succeeding solil-
oquy was about as follows:
a sNow, Leroy jenkins, amt you ashamed
of yourself, you nasty hound pup, and 1 am
just. now going to give you your bitters, you
internal mean reptile, you."
In the mean time leaned little forward
to catch a glimpse of his antagonist, but tho
the coast was comparatively clear, / could
see no human face, save that of the speaker,
and was now very sure that he did nOtmean
his horse, for he took an opposite direction.
/ had small time, however for reflection, for
his speech waxed warmer, he stepped little
forward, and aimed sort of back-handed
blow which descended with keen sound
and considerable force on-his oacn back.
"There, you internal devil, take that, and
that, and that, (shrop, sIroao, the switch de-
That's for your meanness, Leroy
Jenkins. Now, sir, what are you going to
tell your wife when you get home about the
money you got for her eggs and huckle-ber-
ries, you mean pup? You spent it for liquor
did you? There, take that, sir, (shrotc,
shroao, shroue.) She told you Leroy jenkins,
to buy her looking-glass and enough calico
to make her achicken bonnet, and where are
they, you darned cuss, you? Gone for liquor,
hey? (sltroao, stroac, sltrosc. Well, don't
care if it does hurt, it serves you right, Lee
roy jenkins, for making beast of yourself,
and foOling your poor wife, you mean whelpI
you. You know, sir, when you left home,
she said you couldn't pass Simmons grocery
without spending all that money. You know
she did, don't you? Now, sir, take that,
(shro1o, s1tro1o,) and didn't you promise her
you wouldn't 90 near Simmons; and you
would be sure to buy her nice glass and the
you, now, you cussed mean dog, you? Yes,
sir, you know you did, (shrOt0, Shroao, s]iro1c,
and the hickory descended with frightful
and, Leroy Jenkins, what made
you such fool as to go by Simmons at all
when you saw Tom Walker standing in the
door ready to treat you, and drink up all
your money? What made you do that, you
rotten herring, you? (shrOw, Shroac) Well
sir, I'll pay you for all this, (sltroac, sltroac
You'll 60 to town and spend your wife S
money for Whiskey again, will you? (and
the blows were now perpetratcd with more
frequency than his words.)
Although almost dying with suppressed
laughter, / watched the inhiction of the self
acting punishment, which was bestowed with
far more zeal than were the thousands of
stripes whereby Sancho was to disenchant
she lady-love of his master. At length Lee
roy jenkins stopped, either through pure
exhaustion or because he thought the dclin-
luency was sufficiently punished.
Throwing away the switch, which by this
time was little frayed at the end, he resum-
ID his coat and his speech:
ssNow, Leroy jenkins, now, sir, you've
got licked, too, this time; and the very next
lime you do this trick T. II just fairly take the1
hide off Of you. You hear that, don't you;
and now 60 home, sir, and beg her pardon,
you mean cuss, you.
Islipped away unperceiyed by this justice
dealing culprit; but never think of this
scene without an irresisti BILE desire to laugh
And even now can always make my wife
smile BY telling her, & II 60 into the woods,
my dear, and as punishment for having
vexed you, for while I'll play Leroy
jenkins.
BouND TO COME orr The Pittsburg Her
eng tells the following good one:
Somewhere in the West, a sable knight of
the lather and brush was performing the OPP
GRAFTON Of shaving hoosier with very dull
razor
ssStop Y said the hoosier, that won do. =
What de malta, boss?"
That razor pulls =
Well, no malta for dat, sab. If de ham
die oh de razor don t break, de boards bound