Des Moines courier. ([Ottumwa] Iowa) 1848-1854, 1851-09-19
IRREGULAR PRACTICE OF A
REGULAR PRACTITIONERS.

| In the summer OF 4S about The perl
cd of the close OF the Mexican war, one
of the officers of our army-an ameteur
oologist-returning home from the
scenes of his peris and his glory, brought
with him a rare number of insects and
animals, Indigenous to Mexico. He
put up for some Time at the st. Charles
! Hotel, where his cabinet of natural Curl
osities attracted much attention. Among
them was IA living ichneumon fly. a re-
pulsive looking animal of the most des-
tructive insects, tha. would destroy and
devour ants and other insects with
most sanguinary rapacity. A gentle
man, whom for the nonce we shall call
Jones, was at the time stopping at the
st. Charles, and he formed for The ich-
neumon strong dislike; indeed, having
once seen it, he could not bear again to
look at it. He was a man Of kindly na-
ture and generous qualities. HIS mind
was genial and sociable to fault and
this sometimes led him into conyivial ex-
cesses which tended to cloud mind and
confuse an understanding which were
otherwise strong. clear and comprehen-
sive. ..s...
About the time we speak of, he indul-
ged to such an extent in debauch that
mania. a potu followed. He was no
sooner seized with this disease, than the
ichneumon seized his dstempered imag.
ination. The single obnoxious animal
multiplied into ten thousand. They
covered his body, he thought, and like
so many vampires, were smoking his life's
blood from hiu,. He looked out in the
room, and saw them engaged in most
deadly conflict with grotesque red and
blue monkeys; and they were drawn up
in a solid column all round the musqui,
10 bar to prevent his escape.
His nerves were unstrung, his brain
was ierered, and his distress of mind
could not have been greater if his appre-
tensions had been founded on reality,
instead Of being, as they were, the ema-
nations of disoldereG imagina,ion.-
Under the circumstances, his friends con-
cluded to send for DIR. -, one of our
most eminent city physicians, with the
view of his prescribing something to al
lay the nervous irritablity of the patient.
They did send for him, and soon after,
the doctor arrived smoking his cigar, ca.
ring nothing about the antics of the icll-
neumons or the pranks of red monkeys.
As he entered the room, he found the
patient engaged in vigorous conflict
with some imaginary euemy beneath the
mosquito bar acting more, however, it
would seem, on the detcnslre than the
offensive. Now he would slap his hand
across his face as if to drive something
off his nose; now he would draw up his
knee and make spasmodic kick towards
the foot of the bed; now he would Lake
his open hand resound on his shoulder,
and now again on his thigh. The odds
against him seemed to be overpowering,
yet he baliled manfullv. The doctor
saw al once what his disease was, and
at once he resolved to resort to a quick
remedy for its cure. 1855
Don't you think, Doctor" said
friend of the patient-who, by the way,
was a regular practitioner too-''don't
yOu tlllh iidSC CACCl-
lent effect in this case!"
Don't think it would be worth
d-n," said the doctor.
IL am sure" said the nurse, who be-
lieved that hydropathy was cure for
all diseases, Pm sure that if he got a
cold bath and his temples bathed with
ice, it would afford him great relief"
fiddle sticks" said the doc:or-puff-
ing his cigar as unconcernedly as before.
~ have seen a man laboring under a
similar malady"-said the bar keeper
of the establishment, who felt strong
friendship for the patient. and who was
present at this quasi-medical consulta-
tion-"and gentle purga,ives gave him
immediate reliet."
"You did-you did!" said the doctor.
81 did," said the bar-keeper.
"What pity" said the doctor, "ihat
you did not publish the fact in the col
umns of the Medical JouInal!'
While this conversation was going on,
poor Jones, who was taking lessons in
boxing from Roper, was availing him
self of his knowledge of the art of self
defence, to bea; off the hideous enemy.
The doctor approached the bed saying.
when he got there, "Halloo, jones'
they were on terms of familiar intimacy
with one another-"Halloo,J Jones, what
are you about--what are you driving a,!'
"Oh, Doctor!" said poor Jones, the
perspiration running down his face, and
fear seated IN his eyes-"There, there!"
Here he gave his ear crack. "That
fellow was striving to get into my ear. !"
$50 you are troubled with the ichneu-
mons, are you?" said the doctor.
"Troubled with them!" said Jones,
"Pm tormented, I'm maddened to death
with them!''
"Well, l must see and relieve you,"
said the Doctor, and LAYING his cigar on
the table. he took up bootjack that lay
before him, and just as Jones had turned
over to have tussle with an imaginary
ichneumon, the doctor gave him lusty
crack with the boot. jack on the posteri,
ors, that made him bounce in the bed,