The Portsmouth inquirer. [volume] (Portsmouth, O. [Ohio]) 1849-1855, 1851-05-19
MISCELLANEOUS.
From a South Carolina Paper.
Newspaper Collecting. ~

riom ooulH OdTUitlid dpcI'.
'rf Newspaper Collecting.
My DEAR SIR:-I have Just returned from
tour through this State, and proceed to fur
nish you with an account of my labors andI
their success. have been gone for three
months, and assure you, in all sincerity
that am fully satisfied. You furnished me
a list of one hundred and seventeen owing
subscribers, as you will recollect. | have
called upon one hundred and four of them,
and have the honor of paying over to your
order three dollars and twelve and one-halfI
cents, being the amount to which you arel
entitled. return you the list numbered II
to III, and now give you the reply of each.
No. lis minister. He. says, in thei
first place, he never got one half of the num-
bers. Ia lie according to the account of thel
Postmaster,) and in the next place, your
joker's column was too scurrilous. He can'tI
think Of aiding to sustain paper that adj \
vertises horse races and gander pullings. Be \
sides he knows from the tone of your edito1
rials that you drink, and paying you would
only be the means of your ending your day$
in the kennel. He wonders at your impul
dence in sending him his bill after publish
ing the account of the great prize fight bel
twetn Left Handed Smoke and Battering
Bill. He wants nothing to do with you1,
never wants to hear from you again.
| No. 2-is in Jail for debt He has not
seen half dollar for a year. Says he would
pay with the utmost cheerfulness if he ONLY
had the money, but had to borrow shirt ID
put on last Sunday. Admires your paper
wonderfully, and hopes you will continue
Esending it to him. He wishes you to take a
bold stand in favor of the abolition of i'm
prisonment for debt, as he thinks it would be
a very popular move with gentlemen in his
situation. If you send him any more papers
he hopes that you will see that the postage
is paid, as otherwise he will be unable to
enjoy your lucubrations. Sends his best re-
spects. H.
No. 3-Is young doctor Says your pa
per is beneath the notice of gentleman
Wouldn't give a. for cart load Says
you inserted an article rejecting on the pro-
fession. Only wishes he could catch you
here-would make you smell -. Is. going
to persuade every body that takes your, paper
to stop it. Cuss'd your bill, and says you
may collect it in the best way you can.
No. 4--Is an old Maid. Says you are al
ways taking afling at single ladies of an un
certain age. Wouldn't pay you if she was
rolling In wealth, and you hadn't cash enough
to buy crust of bread. Sent all the paper
she had back month ago, and says now tha
she sent them back, she don't owe you an,
thing. Says she is even with you, and in
tends to keep SO until the day of judgment
Asked me not to forget to tell you that yo
: are no gentleman, or you wouldn't undertak
, to SANDER large and respectable class of tn
] female population Of the country.
, No. 5-ls a gambler sporting gentle
man. Says he got completely cleaned ou
last week at the races. Couldn't accommo
date his grandmother with half dime
: she was starving. Likes your paper tolera
bly--would like it better if you publishe
more races and would occasionally give a
account Of cock fight. Liked the descrir
D ZION Of the prize fight amazingly redeem
. ed multitude Of your faults, Hopes 70
\ won't think hard of him for not paying 70
now; but has got prospect of soon havin
4 some loose change, as he is after rich yorn
greenhom who arrived here last week. Wi
pay your bill out of the pluckings
No. els an old drunkard. Hasn't &C
+ anything and never expects to have. Gatl
cred up all the papers that he had and sol
them for a half pint Of rum to the doggerJ
d keeper to wrap groceries in. Wished 20
; would send him pile, as they cost him n
a postage, his brother-in-law being Postma:
j. ter, and permitting him to take out his le
. tiers for nothing. Winked at me when
presented your bill, and inquired if was'r
a distant relation Of the man that butted Il
: bull off the bridge.
4 No. T--Is a magistrate. Swore he new
owed you a cent, and told me was 10,
!, rascal for trying 10 swindle him in such
= bare-faced manner Advised me to NAL
Z tracks in little less than no time, Or !
: would get out a warrant against me as
n common cheat, and have me sent to prisol
9 Took his advice. Is, by all odds, the meal
est man l have seen yet. Will never 4
near him again. X
. No. Sis politician Says. althoug
you profess to publish neutral paper, it
not so. Thinks he has seen considerab
squinting towards the side 10 which he is Of
~ posed. Meantto have told you a year ae
10 stop his paper, but forgot it. Tellsyc
to do so now, and thinks you are getting. 9
: very cheaply in not losing any more by hin
i Believes you to be rascal, and is too hon
orable to have any thing to do with you,
& it might compromise him and injure b
prospects,, MT y. .f..s..
III N. 9-Paid up like man. The only on
1 Likes yourpaper first rate, and means
take andpay for il as long as you publish
or he lives. Asked me to dinner and treat'
= lmelike akings An ossisin the desertl
nun tit for Hcayenl *i
N No, 10 is i merchant. Expects to be;
st shortly Must save sllhis small change.
p Offered me a pair Of breeches and q cotts
hGnShsIchlel \: sl ies de debt Ressssd e n. hi