Lynchburg Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1829-185?, 1851-03-24
Ju.ticc DeaIinc Drnnlsnrsi.


A Justice Dealing Drunlknrd.
While riding, not long since, in thci into
rior of Virginia, and passingalong d rarely
ticq,,cuted road, heard a noise thar ~
once arrested my attention, II was asolil-
oquy in very loud key, and intcrlarded
with an occasional cath, to prove thar tho
colIt-,uist was In earnest. Guiding my
horse quickly in the direction Of the voice,
saw afcllow about half corned, dclibcra
atcly cutting a lcng hickory switch, nnd
talking To himself at the same time, with
great carncstuess. thought ut first, that
he intended to whiphis horse that stood
tied, hard by, and was about turning of.
when new set Of phrases to sclfsh,lk ar
rested me at once, and made me the wit
ucss Of the following scene: "Wcll.now.
Leroy jenkins, expect you'll catch gosa
in little while. II won't be long fret,
before Leroy jenkins hide gets painted
some. I'llpay YOU, Leroy Jcnkins,icr all
this, yontriihng eur, yon."
Being in some doabt whether LEROY
jenkins was tic name Of the horse, OF
some expected combaiant, whose prepura-
tons, OF a character similar tothosc | have
mentioned, were quieily progressing a
short distance off, determined 10 await
the issue of these fierce threats, and throw
ing my leg over my saddle, ] prepared 10
become calm spectator OF the hght and
perhaps umpnc when ono party or tho
other got enough. My friend Of the hck-
orv as soon us he had cut and trimmed his
switch, and satisfied himself its clss.ici-
", and unbrokcn strength, laid it down on
the ground, talking all the time, in very
truculcnt manner, Of Leroy jenkins. De-
libcrately taking off his coat, and layin. i,
ON log. he took up his fail, and the frat
| heard of his succeeding soliloquy. WINS
about asfollows: "Now, Leroy jenkins.
aint you ashamed of yourself, you nasty
hound-pup, you; and | am just now going
to give you your bittcrs, you internal mean
reptile, your
In the mean time | leaned n little for
ward to catch glimpse of his antagonist
but though the coast was comparatively
clear, could not see a huinan face save
TINT Of the speaker, and ! was now very
sure Ill. I he did not mean his hoisc, for le
took an opposite direction. ] had small
time, however, for reflection, for as his
speech waxcd warmer, he stepped q little
| forward, and aimed n sort of baokhaudod
blow, which descended with keen sound
and considerable farce on--hts otca back
"Thcre, you iniarnal devil, take that, aud
that, (shro'c, shrosc, the switch dsseende,,)
That's G,r Year, m, anncss, Leroy jenkins:
| Now, sir, what are you going to tell your
wife, when son get home, about the money
yer got for her eggs and hucklobcriica.
you mean pupl You spent it for liquor.
did you! There, take that, sir, (shsom.
shrosr, shrow.J Well | don't cure ifit
docs hurt il serves You right, Leroy Jen-
kins, for making beast Of yourself, and
fooling your wife, you mean whelp you !
You know, sir, when you left home, she
told you that you couldn't pass Simmons
without spending all that money. You
know she did don't you Now, SIR, take
that, shyow, shro,c, shroc, and didn't you
promise her, Leroy jenkins. that you
wouldn't go near Summons, and would be
sure To buy her NICE glass, and the pret-
test Kind Of calico for her bonnet! |! Didn't
you, now, you cusscd mean dog, you -!
Yes, sir, You know you did. (shrom,shrow.
shyom, and the hickory descended with
frightlul kaenness,) and, Leroy jenkins,
what made you such a fool as 10 70 by
Simmons at all, when you saw Tom Wal
kcr Standing in the door ready to treat you.
and to drink all your money rp2 What
made you do thai, you rotten herring, youi
(shrom, shrom.) Well, SIR, s'H pay you
far all this (shror, shrop.J You'll 60 to
town and spend your wiic's money for
whisky again, will you l'=-land the blows
were now pcrpctratol with more irequcn-
cy than his words.)
Although almost dying with suppressed
laughter, / watched the infection Of this
self-acting punishment, which was bcstow
ed with far more zeal tlnn were tho tlion-
sands of stripes ~1hcrcby Sancho was TO
disenchant the lady-love Of his master. At
length Leroy Jenkins stopped, either
through pure exhaustion. or because he
thought the delinquency was sufficiently
/ punished. Throwing away his switch,
which by this time was little trayed NJ
the end, he resumed his cost and his
] speech: Nov, Leroy jenkins, now, sir.
you've got licked, and well licked, too,tlis
tune, and the very next time you do
this pick, l'lliust fairly take the hide of Of
you. You hoar ahai, don't you and now
60 home, sir, to your wife and beg her
pardon, You mean cuss, you" slipped
away unperceived by this justice dealing
culpiii, but | never think Of this scene
without an irresistible desire to laugh.--~
And even now, whenever there happens
to be a little family breeze, / can always
make my wife smile by telling her, an 20
into the woods, my dear, and as q punish
ment for having vexcd you, fox d while.
III lplay Leroy .hnk,n..V
WDows.-Cymoq, ofibc Boston Poat.
discourscs on this subject in the following
very impressive manner:
as there any character in life 50 interest
ing as n young and beautiful widow Not
| a flirty, coquetish one, who, even amid her
sorrows, has an eye to future welded hap
pincss with another, but one of genuine
heart, welded to her husbands urn, pen
sive, but not sad, her giacf soltcncd to a
placidncss
'-1cvont and pure,
Sober, stcaclasi, and dcmurc'
al met oneof this fashion last week.
Her sorrows had served only 70 soften her
| charms, as age mclows II picture. Her
brilliant eyes, which ] have ofitirnc seen
dance with. Joy, hnd lost more Of their pow
,er, but they were more subduel--they
seemed to be looking beyond the grave,
longing to join her licgc lord in one etcr.-
nal bliss Of welded lovc
"tWhso your good huebsnd died. said
|, earth lost a bright ornament, but Hca