The southern press. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1850-1852, 1851-01-15
A Small touch at an old Joker.
BY "UNcLE soLoN."


DEAR MAJoR--You have undoubtedly read Por-
ter's account Of his visit year two since 10
Montreal, but did you see any thing about his in
troductcn to the mayori OF course you did not,
because that is one of the things that he did not
choose to tell; but will. This same editor Of the
Spirit Of the Timee, is ready enough with crack
at us outside barbarians, but has carefully con-
ceaed the following good one upon himself,
which 6shed up during my visit in Canada last
summer, and which propose to let out the
old joker by way of new years gift to his high
ness Next day, after his arrival, and before he
had fully got the hang of the town, he had been
out to dine with few friends and as matter Of
course, had imbibed little fluid during the sit
ting, which was extended to that degree that his,
companions were not exactly IN condition to
him to his hotel, and therefore he undertook to
steer his own boat through the dark and narrow
streets of that ancient town, without pilot. As
the log book of the trip is little blurred ! am
not able to make out chart of the route he
traversed, but after soma hours Of wandering he
came to dead stand, quite unable to get the
bearings OF any known landmark that would
sirt him in geltlng safe into port. Seeing lamp
post that seemed to be constantly going some
where, he concluded to make fast 10 il, and trust
to luck that it would tow him into port, or some
where else. OF course it never occurred to him
that he drunk but he did feel :" awful like"
least he might be tuck up as suspicious individual
and furnished with gratultous lodging in place
he might not care to mention after he had re-
turned to New York.
While holding on to his fast friend, without get
ting on very fast, he espIed another late walker
who was evidently approaching, notwithstanding
he appeared TO be doing 1t upon series of curva-
tive circlee
Making virtue Of necessity, he determined to
hail the stranger, and take HIM as a pilot-so es
he came up, our {" tall son OF York. put himself
upon his best breeding, and accos,ed the gentleman
with polite request to be directed to Donegana s
Hotel.
" Certainly, sir. as you seem to be stranger
in the city; or, will call a watchman to accom-
pany YOU"
Not caring to have the company of the latter,
he declined that part Of the offer, but he said he
should feel proud of having the company Of the
gentleman himself.
"Sir," says the gentleman, I am not much in
the habit of waiting upon convivial gentleman at
this late hour unless have the honor of pre-
vious acquaintance. May inquire your name,
siri"
This was poser--to be caught out late was bad
enough: to have to own up was awful. But what
was he to do' SO Strengthening himself up till
his hat about feet above his boots, he
replied, 4" Sir, if WIS in New York, should say
my name was Porter ~
Porter" says the other, looking up at his ex
IRENE height, " Porer-what, the editor Of III,
Spirit Of the Timesi'
eyes, sir, Porter, Of the Sprit--now, believe
little spritualized, but quite spiritual enough
to find my way out Of these crooked places; which
perhaps may appear a little more crooked in con
sequence Of the excellent qualities Of n Montrea
dinner"
Sir, am very happy TO meet you. ALLOW
me to take your arm. | will wait upon you L
your lodings. l very well acquainted with
this city, and no Waterman will accost you while
in my company, assure you"
His new friend appeared to be very socable
? cevpr feloW and N kuoW nil abouf the edith
and his paper; and although Porter's eyes wer
not very cIea,, he could not help noticing that ev
cry waichmen they met paid unusual marks of re
spet to him.
This induced our tall friend to show of It'll
and among other things he mentioned that in tn,
morning he intended to call upon the Mayor, 4
whom he had letters Of introduction, and whom
he would not like should know tina, he was in
debted to stranger for plotting him through tn
streets the night before. In this great precautoI
he begged his companion not 10 mention the cir
Icumsance to his honor, il he happened to know
, him, to which the other readily agreed. Ofcours
before parting, Porter was anxious to know VIII,
III new friend might be, and was very nearl,
lifted out OF his boots, when, IN answer TO hi
question. he received the reply, "Sir, am tn
Mayor Of Montreal"
Heavens! what fall was there. The dignity o
the intended neeting on the morrow had all bee
knocked overheard by midnight Introduction
while holding on to n lamp post ,dreading the chnnc
Of night in the wnichhouse perhaps, or at eas
earring the Mayor might be informed, by som
Waterman, thnt he had been obliged to learn
very tall gentleman, from New York, the way u
his lodgings ut very unsf asonable hour of III
night. But il so happened that his honor wa
one who could appreciate the position ola popu
lar editor in strange city, and therefore left hin
of amazing easy. IL il SAID that the editor Of III
Spirit lost nothing from the unexpected and raihe
singular introduction TO the Mayor Of Montreal.
a drunken lawyer on going into church, WI
observed by the minister, who addressed hin
thus: IL will bear witness against you ut Tn
day Of Judgment The lawyer, shaking hi
head with drunken gravity, replied--"l hav
nrocfieed twept, five vpnre tho bnr and ol,yov