The Minnesotian. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn. Territory) 1851-1852, 1851-11-13


Democratic milk, since their earliest in
fancy.
Hence he thinks them, poems, serfs and
slaves of adverse factions, stubborn mules,
who would not elect him territorial prin-
ter, and acknowledge him their organ, head
and chief, well knowing, as they do, that
he cannot long subsist on sour grapes,
which he intends to cultivate in great album
dance on all the hills around for them here
after, unless they mend their ways, Join
hearts and hands, and swear allegiance
quickly. Yet does he not despair by any
means, believing the words of Shakespeare,
"that some men are born great, some
achieve greatness, and some have great
ness thrust upon them," to be true and
applicable to himself in every sense, and
not doubling his ability to cure old sores,
heart aches, and all the ills, he supposes
the party in this territory is heir to, he
cogitates as follows: "'rhere is some
thing rotten in Minnesota as well as Dem
mark. Almost every body has a slight
spasm, and the hydrophobia next summer
will, no doubt. be very common. l am as
mad as March hare myself, yet there's
method in my madness, for l feel that my
salvation picayuneishly depends upon the
certain, speedy and radical cure of every
Democrat, and although the remedy pro-
pose, like all quack nostrums, is far worse
for them than the disease itself, or all their
maladies combined, yet what of that, what
matters it, my interests are at stake? they
must be cured and help me. A few of
them have long been gorged on rice, and
still like dogs return daily to their vomit,
while others have been engaging more
healthy diet, and stick up their noses at
my prescri ptions. Now if l can only adj
minister to these latter gents judicious
dose of rice, cooked nicely in pudding, and
disguised and rendered palatable with the
sauce of humbug, Whiggery's using them
like old and worn out shoes to carry them
through the mud and mire, then cast them
off as worthless, and in contempt, the fur
will then fly worse thanit ever did in the
mortal combat Of the Irish cats. Ishall then
have them both we'll crammed with indi-
gestibles, and will succeed most admirably
in throwing them into fits, and as too am
death on fits, if find that the fits fit them,
and are the kind of fits | desire, that is
particular fits, then can administer a pur-
gative of castor and croton oil, and after
an explosion follows, they will be cured.
have already given the Governor Jes-
see, and having played upon that hobby
long enough. must strike up another tune.
l acas foo barefaced about that supper, and
run ii completely in the ground, i must up
helm, tack and take another course. l see
that it don't take; the more talk and twad-
die about his base acts and purposes, the
more loose my ground and the lessgrounds
| see | have; it wont go down with the
Democracy, the people. Democrats and
Wings all respect the Governor; so do l,
yet l must oppose him, suppose. must
do something to get my name up. Unjust
qiack-l was born quacking and l can't
give it up, for feel how natural it is for
a goose to hiss at every passer by, and
more so for little dog to bark and run af-
ter his masters heels.''
With these reflections s'the faithful
Democratic editor" resolved to do or die:
this Is new country, 6 orious country;
he would be glad to sacrifice Ohier for
his adopted land, provided he was well
paid for it, and would leave to succeed
ing generation, the holy and honorable du-
ty of writing his humble epetaph. Gre
quiescat in pace" which means rest quiet
cat, in peace.
With these feelings stirring up his giz-
zard, heart and liver, he attempts to exc
cute his ambitious and bold designs, and
with few other chips and splinters from
the Democratic block, seized upon the
birth day Of departed herot to put the
plot in execution, the result is known,
pow-wow not included in the bills came
off, and while the feast and wine were
good, the wit and sentiment were uery bad.
& The faithful Democratic editor" had al
ready done the territory and the party great
service and be hoped that every body knew
it. 1t is to be hoped that no body miscon-
strued his course or motives, which are.
of course, ''the loaves and fishes,'' in the
shape OF all the territorial printing, and
nothing shorter" To accomplish this
he offered all hands dish of pudding and
pemiean combined.
The faithiul's little ancient nominated
committee Of five to administer the delight
full compound, and moved that all hands
hold each fellow separately till the dose !
was down. This was seconded by that
"ertrornary" Democrat, Robertson, and
was carried unanimously. AS each Door
fellow received his portion, he, like the
sick man, got no better fast, but went off
into tit instanter, and as this farce went
on, all hands got fits, some got them par
tlcularly bad. but from which they woke
up cured on Sunday morning, the spasms
having all passed off and left them with
sick stomachs and bad head aches, and with
hrm resolves nersr to employ the quack
again.
The faithful Democratic editor" even
the democrat by nature" must try again.
He seems to be an adent at throv;r,rI w.,