The Port Gibson herald, and correspondent., 1851-02-21
Patent Labor Saving Fluid.

Patent Labor Saving Fluid.
The following humorous account of Van
KEGS adventures with a bottle of Washing flui.
is condensed from an article in the Boston Mu
scum.
Don't make yourself uneasy about the chill
drea's dresses, ladies', exclaimed laborsayne
fuid-man, j have few bottles of the patent
transparent washing-huid in my trunk. that will
in five minutes time, without the least labor ol
Inconvenience in the world, nam, renovate the
dresses in manner that is truly astonishing
and bring back the colorto few shades brigh
ter than the original tint
A -aw>boned Vermonter, sitting by our side
and who until this time, kept as silent as pine
SLAB, here drew up his long neck and exclaimed
Stranger, you'll oblige me much by discon-
tinuing your remarks abnut your internal wash
ing fluid; for I'm in rather good-humor to-day,
and don't wish to be riLed. once purchased
bottle Of that stuff, and it came nigh running
me for life, and I've taken an oath to lick the firsl
man that ever offers me another bottle. could
tell you yarn on that subject, that would bring
the tears to your eyes; but of course no man
wants to hear yarn now.'
The Yaekee proceeds with his yarn thus.
Having on such an application, made purchase,
he proceeds TO detail his experiment.
My purchase was on Saturday afternoon,
about o'clock, and took my big black bottle
of fluid, put it in my coat pocket and started for
home. Now. thinks to myself, my wife always
picks up her cloths on Sunday night and does
washing Monday morning after breakfast; and so
it would be good joke, for me not to let her
know any thing about the blessed fluid, but get
up Monday morning, while she is asleep, put the
clothes in a tub, pour on the fluid, stir 'em uD
with stick and hang them up to dry. Lord.
says to myself, right in the street, as loud as
am talking now, sl'Il do it, by ginger, if have
to get up at two o'clock!' So when gets home
Ijust takes the bottle of fluid out in the wood.
shed, and pokes it up on high shelf among
lot Of old beer.bottes and backing boxes, and
went whistling around the house just as if no.
thing hadn't happened
Saturday night went TO market Just as usu-
al; and Sunday we both went 10 church in the
forenoon, and staid al home and talked about our
future prospects in the afternoon; but kept
keeping still about the fluid, and didn't let on
but whatI expected she would do the washing
next morning just the same as ever. But didn't
sleep much that night L kept thinking about
stirring up that tub Of clothes, and getting 'em
out to dry before daylight Once got into a
little shortdoze, and I dreamed was swimming
across deep river of gushing-fuid, and the
rocks at the bottom and both sides were all pet-
rifed shirt bosoms and pillar cases, and there
was an old washer woman on the banks OF the
river, who kept stirring on US up with long
pole. Ireckon woke up about FIVE O'clock; for
twas just about half between daylight and dark,
and could just see the leastest streak Of light
in the world among the clouds around the tops
of the green mountains. turns over and looks
at wife and she was sleeping as sound as a dead
salmon; so carefully slid out O. bed, hurried on
my clothes, and in less than ten minutes. had The
old washtnb filled clear to the top with all Of
wife's white clothes, and all could find of my
own. poured in about a pailful-and half Of
clean rainewater, and then goes out into the
woodshed, takes down the bottle of fluid, walks
back to the tub, and pours her all mi Lord! but
'twould have done you good to hear it sis,
sWell,' says | to myself, 'if that's the dirt
coming out, it makes good deal of noise about
it any way; and guess its doing up the thing
handsomely So after letting it SIS about min
ute, takes up an old broomhandie that was stand
ing near whaops the things about like lambs
tail in fiytime, for about three minutes, and then
takes hold Of 'em with my hands to string em
out on the fence. But gentlemen you'd better
believe dropped that ere pile o. duds mighty sud-
den!-biIin' water wasn't circumstance to eu.
and afore could get my hands into pail Of
Iresb water, ] thought my soul should lose 'em
both For about minute, | was as mad as a
kitten, | finally thought / wouldn't
wake up my wife with my bellering, bnt hang
1ut the bilIn' duds with the old broom handle and
let EN- dream and dry on The fence; but the
plaguy things never cooled to the last minute,
and every time drop Of the pesky fluid spIatter-
ID on my hands or face, it burnt worse than
half bushel full of live Goals. soon got tired
If that sport, however, and before hac out on
he fence half of what was in the tub, | lust
washed off my hands and face in some cool rain
water, and streaked it off to to bed. But /
couldn't sleep wink; my hands panied me so
hat had to keep blowing on 'em to keep from
1ellering, so says to my wife, says T.
Susan, hadn't you better get up and put your
clothes to soak?'
Ho. hum, says she, rubbing her eyes with
Ter thumb joint and kind O. winking, as if she
vas half asleep. 'Yes, John, guess had; bur
low long have you been aw ake?'
oh, sometime,' says |, blowing my hands,
md digging my legs with my ioenails ALT
ime to keep from groanng; but get up now,
Susan, do, dear, or you will be late with your
breakfast, and I've got to go out of town this
morning on important business
If that's the case, says she, I'll certainly
lurry'
You may depend upon it, gentlemen, was
n mighty uncomfortable fix about thar time!
wanted TO groan like diving horse and have
omething cooling wrapt around my fingers; and
hen again, didn't wantto make any noise. ill /
wife had seen how nice had fixed her things.
Well, wife she hurried and dressed herself and
vent out into the kitchen to fl! up the tub, and
q few minutes overheard her say to herself,
leFself, says She
Good Heavens and earth! What does all
bis mean: ! never put these things to soakl
Ohm! Johnl Get up and come here. do.
y am under strong impressions, gentlemen,
bat this customer wasn't very slow In bis move
nents about that time; FOR in less chan forty se-
onds, | was there, and says ~
What's the matter Sussp7 What's the mat.