Baton-Rouge gazette. [volume] (Baton-Rouge, La.) 1819-1856, 1850-05-11

TEsr or AFFEcTtos.-Mr. Archibald
Stanhope--a groggy sentimentalist,
residing in Buckley street, Philadel-
phia--conceivihg the narrowing sus-
picion that his wife was not as pas
sionately fond Of him az b lady of
good taste should be. and to put the
matter to fair trial, he hit upon a
little stratagem, which he put in
practice the other day, with the result
hereafter to be detailed.
He took suit Of clothes and com
posed an effigy Of himself, by stufling
the garments with a quantity Of
straw, which had lately been dis
charged from an old bed. Having
suspended the figure TO a rafter ir' the
garret, by means Of a piece Of clothes
line, he ensconced himself behind a
pile Of rubbish, in the same garret to
watch the effect.
After d while, his little daughter
came up after a jumping rope, and
caught a glimpse of the suspended
figure. She ran down stairs, scream
ing, "Oh, mother, daddy's hung him
self" 'd'+ tt'5t't'"5 s.' -t ''
snow for it, thought Archibald, in
an ambuscade we shall have a
touching scene presently"
"Hung ilimself' he heard Mrs.
Stanhope repeat, az she walked lei
surely up stairs. "He hasn't got
spunk enough for such thing, or he
would have done 1t long ago. Well,
] do believe he has done it, however,
she continued, as she came in sight
Of Archibald's straw representation.
Molly, Ito the little girD | think he
ought to be cut down. You had bet
ter go into the kitchen and get a
knife. my dear ; but don't go down too
fast, or you might fall and hurt your
self. Stay---I forgot--there's no knife
in the kitchen sharp enough. You
can 20 around to Mr.. Holmes, the
shoemaker, in Sixth street, he's only
two squares of, and ask him to lend
us his pairing knife tell him to whet
it u little before he sends it. And
Molly. while you are In the neigh
borhood, you can call at your aunt
Sukey's, and ask how the baby is.
And Molly, you can stop at the gro
Gerry store as you come back, and get
me pound Of seven.cent sugar. Poor
Archy,' sighed Mrs. s., when her
daughter had departed. '1hope we'll
get him cut down before the vital
spark is dis.tinct---for these buryings
Is very troublesome, and cost money.
He wants to put an end to himself,
too and ] think ! ought to let him
have his own way for once in his life;
he used to say that | was always
crossing of him. wish he hadn't
spoiled that new clothes-line, though.
AN old rope might have answered
his purpose" at
Here voice which sounded like
that Of the supposed suicide, broke in
on Mrs. Stanhope's soliloquy, with
"You confounded old Jezebel, III be
the death Of you"
Mrs. s., thinking this must Of course
be 9 ghostly exclamation, uttered a
wild scream, and attemptedto escape
down the narrow staircase. Archi.
bald, starting from his place Of con-
cealment, gave chase. Mrs. s. STUN
bled mid way, on the fight Of steps
land Mr.. S., having just reached
her, and made a grasp at her dis
shevelled hair, as it streamed back
ward, the amiable partners were pre-
cipitatcd to the bottom together.
Both were badly bruised, and the
cries Of the lady raised the neighbor-
hood. Archibald was arrested for
making a disturbance, and practicing
on the tender sensibilities Of his wife.
He was recognized in 5000, and .jocu-
larly proposed bis suspended ef1igy
for his surety--but STRAW ball. as
he found to his sorrow, is not accep-
table under the admin;st cation of
Mayor Jones.---C Gin. Great West.