The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1850-01-09
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THE HApPIEsT DAYS OF MY
I,IFE.

nistake III nOL CHOOSING SSSttSlOuS4spfSstites; y
Goddesstof Maria ge. Hymen IS by /
far too jolly, he is oil smiles, more of
the hyena than the crocodile; whilst
Niube Is just as she ought 70 be, ais
tears. There never yet was d marriage
that was not perfect ST. Swithni
affair. No one, unless he has the soul
Of gutta percba, thoroughly waterproof,
should think of going to Wedding with
less than two pocket bandkerchiefsj
and, even then q sponge is better
adapted to the .joyfu! occasion Men
take wives as they do pills, with plenty
Of water, excepting, indeed, when the
'li!tlc things are wen l5gilt. n. Ifsa kind
of matrimonial barometer were kept IN 81
each fnmily, and its daily indications
as to the state of the weather as the
fire.side accurately registered, re have
no doubt that on the heayerage being tax
en- the following results would be5asris.
ed at: '3
BEFORE AIARRrAGE Fair. q.
DUhtSG MARRIAGE Wct.
AFTER MARRIAGE Stormy.
Mcteorologically speaking, it xould bH
highly interesting could we arriyc5at &
knowledge of the exact amount oftdoo'
prevailing during courtship. Nobody
can feel more truly wretched than on
the happiest day ofhis life. "A We'd
ding is even more melancholy thnn g
funeral. The bride weeps for every
thing and nothing. Atfrst she 8 heart
broken because she's about to leave her
Ma and Pa; then because she hopes
and trusts Charles will always love
her; and, when no other excuse is left,
she bursts into tears because she's ofraid
he will not bring the ring with him y
Mamma, too, is determined to cry for
the least thing. Her dear; dear girls
going away, and she is certain some
thing dreadful Is about to happen: and
goodness gracious she's forgotten to
lock the dining.room door, with ali the
wine and plate on the table, and three
strange traacsmen in the house. AZ
church the water is laid on at egeser
vice indeed the whole patty look so
wretched, no one would imagine there
was a 'happy pair among them.-
When Papa gives away his darling
child, he does it with as many sobs 40
if he we're handing her over to the fer
ccst polygamist since Henry the
Eighth.,--instead of bcstoNing her OH
one who loves his 'lanb,' regardless Of
the mint sauce that accompanies her.
The bridegroom snirels, either because
crying's catching, or because he thinks
he ought, for decency's s sake to appcar
deeply moved; and the halfdoscn
bridesmaids are sure to be all weeping,
because every body else wceps. When
the party return home, however, the
thoughts of the breakfast cheer them
up little; and the bridesmaids, ifl
particular, feels quite resigned to- their.
fate. AS if they had grown hungry
by crying, or the tears had qraettea
their appetites-t they drown their cares
for while in the white soup turcen. -
The champagne goes off, and goes.
round. Then the father
gets up. and after a short and pathetic
culogium upon the virtues of that
sweet girl whom he sloves as his otsn
flesh and blood thumps the table, and
tells the company that 'any one who
would not treat ler. properly would be
scoundrel.' Upon this every Die
present turps round to look and frown
at the wretched villain Of bride groom.
and then they all fall to weeping asait.
But so strongly has The feeling set iii
against the new on.in,law, thar it is
only by speech full of the deepest,
pathos, that he can persuade the com
pany that he has not the least thought
of numbering, or indeed even ASSAULT
ing his wife. At last, the mother,
bride, and bridesmaids retire to say,
'Goodbye,' aud have good cry oil To-
gcthcr mp stairs. Then the blessing
and the weeping begin again with res
newcd vigor, As at Vanxhall, they
seem to keep the grandest shower for
the last. The bridesmaids cry till tfler
noses are quite red, and their hair is as
straig as if they had been hathing.
And when the time comes for The hap
py pair to leave, in order to catch Tie
train for Dover, then the mother, ias
tther, sisters, brothers, bride, bride
groom, bridesmaids, and every soul Eli
the honse, all cry---eyen down to the
old cook, fwho knowed her ever since.
she were a baby in long clothes'~- as if
the. yonag couple were about to lbe
transported For life in the literal eatl.-
erathan the iigaratiye sense of Tho
tern, The Comic .dtsaaaac, tos lss
so.
sTlII AsorHFs Plan FOR I,i.ANs esoar.s...,
IN. Granse, Of this State has applied for 4.