The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1850-04-12
MACHINE SERMONS, NO. !.
BY LAZARUS LACHRY NOSE.

"Ercept ye do better. ye skaN be sno,red
under."
This emphatic declaration nv hearers,
comes home to the heart and gizard OF ev-
cry mothers son ofyou. There is no use
in salving up your consciences, and plas-
lering them over with the ontmen, Of your
good deeds. Depend upon II my hearers,
your conscIences are like a sponge; when
the time comes and the squeeze pinches,
they will shrink up, and all those plaslers
will fall off, and leave your heart as black
as piece of burnt cork.
Some of you my hearers, belong TO the
"Sons of Temperance" some to the "Odd
Fellows" some 10 the "Masons." and
many Of you eye wicked generation OF vi.
pers," are members of the churches; all
very good so far as they so.
But am afraid, some Of you, "Sons Of
Temperance" send your jugs and decan-
ters in a, the back doors of the groceries
and have them filled with "Lluc ruin; and
some how or other, fear that The stopper
won: stay in. This course, my dear
hearers, will not make your breath as pleas,
an, as cologne. No, mscalIed "Sons OF
Temperance" it will smell as bad 10 your
wives and swec,-hearts as pole cat in a
cabbage patch. "Son Of Temperance do
no. thus make beast of YOURSELF stick as
close TO your pledge as red clay does 10 a
white hog in the gutter, or a sixpence 10
some Of your pockets.
"Odd Fellowship" my erring friends
and wayward hearers, am afraid cloaks
common fellows under its beautiful name.
Do not forget, my hearers, 10 be as upright
as dandy's collar, and honest as "old
times" in this poor sinful world &C,
straight forward like shngle and you will
be odd enough; fear God and mind your
own business, and you will be found true
as cas,.s!eel when the great crash comes
My distressed hearers, said some Of
you were "Masons." Well be masons,
good and true. Don't 80 about building
on the sands Of your selli,hness-.il yon do,
they will tumble down one OF these days
and you ,ciN feel bad when you build, dig
down in your heart to the true grit, then
lay the foundation with truth, build up the
walls with justice and use the mortar o.
right, and wien the winds blow and the
storms come, your house will stand. Some
of you have built nightly out of"plumb
the .leveP of equality some of you nev'
er use. Amt you ashamed of yourselves
you poor, miserable, worms Of the dust
and ashes? To ride rough shod over the
humble creatures Of Gods creation who
have not the almighty dollar. Look ou'
old fellows; there is time coming, when
YOU will have as little on your backs as
there is on a sheared sheep ora picked
goose.
NV impslien, hearers. some OF you be.
long 10 the Church, yes, belong 10 the
Church, aud fear that is all. am afraid
the Church won't save some OF YOU; you
have not enough Of the salt OF godliness
10 save your bacon. The church can't take
a man or a woman 10 heaven that carries
too much weight; some OF you see are
pretty we'll loaded. Look out, or you will
miss the straight gate. My mistaken hear
ers. don't delude yourselves; a long face
and longer prayer are no recommenda.
tons IN heaven; when you want to know
how YOU stand before your maker. turn
your bosom inside out and see how your
hear, is that's the place To look al; oh!
don't think tina, just belonging 10 the church
will make you safe; that is only the sign
hat YOU are a christian or knavish hypo.
crite, and not the seal of your salvaiion.-
II IS an awful thing to drop off and fni
tina, you are gong the wrong way to heav'
en-.
"Thus saith the preacher Amen"
DEFINITION OF DEMONSTRATION
ert. nv DEAR" said Jenny, with the
dcfercntial air of a scholar, "Robcrt
wha, did Mr.. Carraways mean when
he said he hated dog--dogmalism I!
Topps was puzzled. ,
"Robert. my DEAR" Jenny urged,
"what-what in the world is dog
matsm!
Now it was the weakness Of Tops
never to confess ignorance of any
thing soever TO his wife. ~ man
should never do it," Topps had been
known in convivial season to de-
clare, "it makes 'em conceitcd. =
Whereupon Topps prepared himself
as was his wont, TO make solemn
satisfying answer. Taking off his hal
and smoothing the wrinkles OF lis
brow. Topps said. "Humph! what is
dogmatisml Why. it is this. OF course;
dogma,ism is puppyism come to its
full growth"
How TO DRIVE HoasE AS you
would save the strength and wind o'
horse, drive slow up hill; and as you v''ue