The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1850-02-07
MIR. AND MRS. BATTLE;
OR, MOUSE VS.. RAT.

flesh" inslaw matrimonial, and whose union
thus far if a shade less blissful than that Of
the turtle doves, had afforded an example of
conjuga fsicity as edifying, TO say the least,
as the generality of matches. 1t happened
one winter evening that, having exhausted
all their usual theme of chit chat, they had
been sitting in silence for some ten minutes
together, luxuriating in ''uncommunicating
muteness" of fishes, when suddenly, with
piercing Shrek, Mrs. B. sprang from her
chair, and jumped upon the side table, cry
ing out at the top of her lungs, "Lord Of
Mercy! oh, that horrid dbeingi KiHhim, Mr..
Battle, kill him"
The husband quick as thought, seized the
poker, and though half frightened out of his
senses, raised it firmly over his head and
placed himself bolt upright in an attitude Of
defence. For some moments he stood
speechless. with mingled wonder and awe;
then casting a glance at his wife, who stood
leaning against the wall, pale, shvering and
half frantic with terror, he at length recov-
cred his wife and the use of his tongue so
far as TO ask, in voice somewhat faint and
husky
"Who-where-what is heW
"There there husband, don't you see 2
there Itis no man-it's a horrible great
mouse Oh dear, shall faint away, certain !
There he comes again this way. Merciful
heavens! Oh! ohw
Mr.. B. breaihed little more freely, after
this last piece of information, for to say the
truth, he was by no means Hercules in
strength of stature, being only four feet ele-
ven in his boots. and weighing but just one
hunared and five pousds, even after dinner
and as he supposed it some house robber or
cut-throat who had hid himself in the room.
that had caused his wife's freight, his knees
had begun to knock together little, a la
Belshazzar, notwithstanding his great show
OF bravery. But now regaining with marvel
lous guickncss the use Of all his limbs and
faculties, he advanced boldly in the drec.
ton idca;ed by Mrs. BIS finger, and with a
courage aud presence of mind worthy of an
Alexander, succeeded by the aid of the po-
ker in stretching most ferocious looking
rat lifeess on the floor.
After few moments, peace and order
were again restored, and Mrs. B. having sue
ceeted, by an astonishing degree of self
control, in queting her nerves, was again
seated at her work table, busily plying her
needle, when loud tinkling of the door
bell was followed by the announcement to
MIR. Pry. Pry had popped in, as he said to
see how they all did and and have little
social chat but as it turned out (unfortu-
nately for the peace of our excellen-
couple) he was just in season to hear from
Mrs. Battles lips relation of what she cal
led her 'f.ightful adventure with the mouse. ;
No, my DEAR interrupted Mr.. b., "a rat
Excuse me, my love, but twas mouse. ;
But do assure you madam, it was a rat. )
4 beg your pardon, sir; notwithstanding
you assure me, am quite sure it was a
mouse
Don't tell me, Mrs. Battle; do you think
Pm fool; not to know rat from a mouse,
and in my own house too?'
Keep cool, Mr.. Battle; don't get huffy be
cause spoke word Some how or other,
lately, can never open my lips before you,
but you must fly into pet. And ,heE you
must be Notwithstanding me always a.
bout your house, as if yen were lord of ev-
cry thing here, and were only your humble
servant. declare Battle, you are cross as
Bear and as unreasonable as you cali live"
MRS Battle, you are enough to provoke a
saint Three times you have contradicted
me, and-'
'All because | said a mouse wasn't a rat.
mouse amt a rat, and you know it Bat
tle'
Mrs Battle, there's no standing this-No!
nor won't stand it any longer | will
have divorce, il there's one TO be had in
the country. won't live with such ter
magant No won't Mrs. Battle, and that's
the long and short of it."
HereMrs, Battle fell back in her chair,
and burst into flood of tears Pry, finding
matters getting little too hot; clept slyly
out Of the room, and run for home as if
from hornets nest, MIR Battle paced the
room hurriedly to and fro, for the space of
five minutes or more, with banched cheek
and lip quivering with rage, and finally seat
ed himself by a window, aud with an air of
affected concern began to whistle Yankee
Doodle. He had been seated but three or
four minutes when his wife, suddenly rails.
ing up, came across the room, threw her
arms aGectionately about his neck and bu-
red her head in his bosom.
My dear husband
My dear wife,
i have Enthusiastically offended you
Can you forgive meg
'Yes dear, thousand tines
How foolish was to dispute with you,
dear one, about such trife.'
yes, it was very foolish in both of us
But never mind thank Heaven; we've come
to our senses again. Kiss me darling-there
all's made up. Amt we happy nowP
yes, my love. Clouds will come some
times, but thank Providence they are al
gone now. We couldn't have expected sun
: shine always. Oh, won't we have the pre-
cious times together, hereafter loving eacl