The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1850-01-30
Doings at Our School 'Ouse.. !.

bones rose. "No@ answer every question
correctly; or Ill break every bone in your
bodies," was the next pronunciamento of
the old autocrat of our red school house.
Sapient old pedagogue! thy years were
many and full Of knowledge. Looking
back through long vista of birch rods, 1
can see his restless gray eyes darting in
quick glances from pupil 10 pupil, in search
of the ''graceless scamp who threw the
last spit ball with such wonderful precision
as to barely escape his nose, and stick fast
on the wall. And, now recollect, he had
a most perplexing squint-a squint ac-
comodating; for if he appeared to be look
ing directly at one, that one might '.go it,"
and no longer fear Of being detected; for
his optical focus was otherwhise directed I
but, if his eyes were fastened in direc-
ton, no one could tell where, then be wa
ry, for it might be on you. Glorious old
master! if your eyes squinted, your heart
was as true as the needle to the pole
your affections had no squint; you thrash
ed all alike; and all alike shared your
wonderful store of knowledge. This was
the last day Of the quarter-for week
our individual store honses of lore had
been progressing through the various
stages Of mental ventilation, and renova-
ton; our memories logged; dormant ideas
awakened, and all our energies secured
up TO high state of brightness, by copi-
Gus applications of the masters brick dust
of erudition. We were in prime order.
"John Brown, what do you understand
by acoustics!" s....
"Why, a stick to drive cows with
'spose."
sect out, you young vagabone! did |
not just see you reading about the science
of sound?"
"Guess not-that was about Sylvester
Sound, the Somnambulist."
''It was eh? Sarah, you are Johns
youngest sister!"
"Yeth thir."
WWhat is acoustics?"
81 know, thir-it ith the art of making
noith, and hearing noith."
"You are right-explain it."
"Yeth thir. If you strick your finger
into your mouth, and then pull it out thud-
and produtheth thound that thriketh on
the tympan of the ear, whith maketh the
thound audible, and is ith called thence
of a couthtixth."
''You are quite right, Sarah John can
you tell me what is meant by acoustics!
Be careful, sir, or you'll feel my stick"
"Yes, sir. A cow sticks your finger in
her mouth and kicks over the tin pan,
which sounds awful, and is called the sci
ence of cows kick"
swell. John-you do credit to your
teacher. You may take your books and
run home. Willy Chase, what is the cur
rency of the United States"
.Cash and money"
"What are its denominations?"
"Coppers. bogus, and Bungtown cents,
pennies, fps, fourpence ha'penys, levys,
ninepences, Spanish quarters, pistareens
and shin-plasters."
"That will do. Jones, what is the stand
ard weight of the United States!"
"Scale weight, and wait little longer"
"What is hundred weight!''
"One hundred and twelve pounds"
"Samuel, how many kingdoms are there
in the material worldw
"Four."
"Three, only three"
s'Four. think slr.''
swell. name them-what are they?"
"Mineral kingdom, animal kingdom,
vegetable kingdom, and kingdom come"
Nov, how many kinds of motion are
there!"
"Four."
"Two, voluntary and involuntary"
"Simon says there's four.''
"What does Simon say they are?''
! "Point, point up, point down, and wig
wag."
| "You rascal! I've mind to wig wag
your jacket! Hadn't you better describe
the motion Of my stick?"
81 can, sir" .-.... .,.,..
"And its effects?''
ayes. sir. Up stroke, and down stroke
the up stroke, regular and easy, the
down stroke spasmodically electrifying,
and its effects are strikingly indescriba-
ble."
"You understand that, see. Susannah
what is matter?"
"There is nothing the matter with me,
SIR" e.''FF4 T"
| 81 ask you what is matter, m-a-t-t-e-r"
"Yes, sir-matter is everything that has
substance. There's animated, and vac
cine matter, and"-
| "No matter about the rest Speaking
of vaccine matter, puts me in mind OF
something else There has been a
case of small pox appeared in the village,
or rather, varioloid, which is the botanical
] name for small pox-and Mr. Scalpel says
he has some prime vaccine matter, of his
own manufacture, warranted to take-and
he will vaccinate the whole village at eight
cents apiece, and take his pay in potatoes.
/ All recollect, and when you go home, tell
| your parents. George Smith, do you re-