Glasgow weekly times. (Glasgow, Mo.) 1848-1861, 1850-08-08
DESCRIPTIVE ELOQUENCE
"Our country 'tis of thee."

hearted, enthusiastic, and rather quizzi-
cal son of old Kentucky, while paying
his devoirs 10 one Of the famous lady
tourists of America. "Ma'am you
should have been born in America; the
greatest country in the known world
Nature has clustered all her stupendous
and dazzling works upon this land, and
you should be among them! We have
got the creates men, the finest women;
the broadest lakes, the tallest trees, the
widest prairies, the highest water falls,
and the biggest hearts in all creation.
"Ma'am, go and see the Falls of Mia.
CARA. My dear Maam, if | didn't think
I'D walked up in futurity when first
seed that big santendicular puddel
(slantendicular is an algebra word,
Ma'am-you may not know i'.) Why.
Ma'am, | could tell you something about
them Falls--but you mustn't put it in
pour book, cos nobody will ever believe
it. The people that live round about
there all lose their speech, and never
hear each other speak for years, with
the noise of the cataract Fact, Ma'am
true as that'o pencil and a note book
you're taking out of your pocket
Why there, was man lived there ten
years, and he got so deef he never
knew man was speaking 10 him, till
a pail of water was poured in down
the back Of his neck When you 60
so see the Falls, Ma'am, you must do all
the talking you want to before you ge,
within 25 miles of them, for after that
not word ofany kind can be heard.
"Then, Ma'am you should 60 and see
the great Cave, in Kentucky, where the
bats hibernaculale in countless millions
There is not such another hole in the
ground TO be found upon the face of the
earth.
"Ma'am you go back to England
without seeing our Mammoth Cave
you'll put your feet in it--no, beg your
pardon, excuse me; that's quite 'unpos.
sble,' but you'll leave big hole in the
book you are going TO write. There
was no end known 10 it, Ma'am: and
there is salt wafer lake in the middle
of it, 25 miles broad One off the room
is called the "Antipodeon Chamber
fir ON the unpronouncabe fact, that {
man can walk just as easy on The cell
ing as upon the floor, and in this apart
ment, there's natural fountain of pure
brandy The same Cave, too, is pos
tive cure for Consumption.
You haint been South yet, have you
Ma'aml You haint seen the Mississip
pi river and the city of New Orleans
Well, Ma'am, New Orleans is 1875 fee
below the level Of The sea, and the Mis-
sissippi runs through a canal bridge
right over the city! The inhabilanl:
chiefly alligators and screech. owls-tht
last words have been vulgarIy perver
ted into Creole. The food is chief,
gum, produced from the trees IN tn,
swamp, and which they call gumbo.-,
There is paper called the Picacoon
the name being well chosen, signiican
Of its professed Piracies upon Hunt
Philosophy, Baron Munchausen, Tht
Pilgrims Progress, Joe Miller, Wash
ington Irving, and Bellies Life in Lon
don. 1t is VIOLENT and stupendou
political print, and the Government o
the country has endeavored in vain tC
suppress it. One of the peculiar mark
about this extraordinary city, is the en-
tire absence of those small quadruped
of the genus most commonly known a
rats. One was seen many years ago
by citizen, who brutalIy murdered th'
unknown creature; but he was immedi
ately sentenced TO be hung for the enor
nifty. ... ....
"You will hear, Ma'am, a great dea
aout the floating population of New
Orleans" phrase that you will under
stand, when tell you that the town il
half the year under inundation from
the Mississippi. You should have beer
born in America, my dear Ma'am, but
as you were not, you may possibly die
here, and that's some consolation fo
you"
by relying on our own resources, w
acquire mental strength; but when W