Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1850-1854, 1850-08-23
UNCLE BILL.
A SKETCH ABOUT LOVE AND GOLD DUST

unlike thy papa, as a canary bird is like bu]
dog. His face was as hard as Dutch nut crack
er, thine as soft as rose leaf. He was the We
riest miser in all creation-thou didst spend tn,
pocket-money as literally as Prince of Wales
In his household management, Uncle Bill was
consummate skinflint !; tradition said that he us
ed to soak the backlogs in the cistern, and waite
the lamp oil, and he was aided and abetted in al
his niggardly domestic schemes by vinegar-fa
ced old house keeper, who was the sworn enc
my of all good cheer, and stnted from a pur.
love of meanness. Yet pretty Mary had no rea
son to complain of her fathers righteousness
as far as she was concerned. He sent her to the
best schools, and gave her a carte blanche OF
the most expensive milliners, and when she
walked Washington street OF a sunny day. there
was no more gaily bedecked damsel to be seer
from Cornhill to Essex street.
Of course several very nice Young men in
vanished leather and white kids fell over heac
and ears in love with her, and there was laroe,
number of whiskers collected outside of The
meeting she attended on Sunday, than darkened
the doorsteps of any other metropolitan church
Yet cold the maid, and though legions advanced
Ill drilled in Ovidian art .'
though they langushed and ogled protested and donc
Like shadows they came and like shadows they glanced
from Inc pure polished ice of her heart.
Besides, old Uncle Bill was formidable guar.
dian to his attractive daughter. Did he not fire
charge of rock salt into the inexpressibles Of
Tom Bllklns, when he came serenadno with a
cracked guitar Didn't he threaten to kick
Iowle for leaving Valentine at his door p
Wasn't ne capable of unheard of atrocities p
The suitors of pretty Mary were all frightened
off the course by her ogre Of father. except a
steady young fellow who rejoiced in the name of
Sampson Bittles, and who was addicted to hook.
Keeping in wholesale grocery store on Com
mercial street. The old gentleman really liked
Bitles; he was SO staid, so quiet, and so full of
Information. He was regular price current,
and no man on change was better acquainted
with the value of stocks. Why Mary liked him,
it is more difficult to conjecture, for he was We
ry deficient in the small talk that young ladies'
are so fond of, was 'averse to mustaches, dislk-
ed the opera, thought the ballet immoral, and
waltZing indicate. Perhaps his
good looks compensated for other deficiencies,
Or perhaps horror of dying in state of single
bcssedness induced her to countenance the on
" young man Uncle Bill was ever known to
tolerate.
One evening Bittles screwed up his courage
to the task of addressing the old man on the sub
ect nearest to his heart
"Mr Griffin" said he, 81 have had something
here for long time" and he made up horrible
face, and placed his hand somewhere near his
heart.
s"Dyspeps,a 2" asked The old man.
"Your daughter gasped the young one.
2 swell. what about here" asked Uncle Bill,
"i'm in love with her." said the unhappy
clerk.
"Humbug!" said Uncle Bill.
"Fact !" rejoned Bittles.
whats your income ?'' inquired Griffin.
"Eight hundred" answered the suppIicant
sit won't do, my boy" said Griffin, shaking
MS grim locks. "No man on salary shall mar
~ my daughter. Why, she's the finest girl in
Boston; and it takes capital to marry fine girl.
When you have thirty thousand dollars to begin
with, you may come and talk to me-"
Bittes disappeared. Six months after that,
Miss Mary Griffin received letter with an en-
iorsement of Uncle Sam, acknowledging the
receipt of forty cents. Itran thus:
San Francisco, Gala, 1S49.
DEAREST MARY:
Enclosed you will find a specimen of Cali
fornia gold, which please hand your father and
oblige. Have to advise you Of my return to Bos-
ton per next steamer, which sails the 10Th prox-
imo. Please inform your father that have
made fifty thousand dollars at the mines. and
shall, (wind and weather permitting) soon call
upon him to talk over that matter and arrange
terms of partnership.
Yours to command,
SAMPSON BrrTLEs,
Mary, as in duty bound, handed the epistle to
her father, who was overjoyed.
Some weeks elapsed and the return of the
steamer to New York was telegraphed. Griffin
was on the qui viUe to see his future son-in-law
On the day of his expected arrival, he met
with Californian who came home in the same
ship.
"Where's Bittles ?' he Inquired.
"Oh, no! you'll see him before great while,
replied the Californian.
"Has he been luckya"
"Yes-ffty thousand at the lowest figure
But he's going to try game over you. He
means to tell yon that he has been robbed of all
his gold on the way home, to see if you have any
generosity and disinterestedness--to see wheth.
er you'd give your daughter to him, gold or no
gold.''
"Sly boy!" chuckled old Griffin. 81 am much
obliged to you for the hint. I'll act according
ly. Good morning.
Now it happened the Californian was good
friend of Bittles and that the story of Bittes for
tune was absolutely true, he having been robbed
of every ounce of his hard earned gold dust on
his way home. So it may be supposed he call
ed on Griffin with very lugubrious and woe-be-
gone air.
"My dear boy" said Uncle Bill, 81 am delight
ed to see you, and pleased to hear of your luck
welcome you as my son-in-law. But what
the deuce is the matter with you 2"
"Alas sir - said Bittles. 81 am the most I'M
fortunate man living. | made fifty thousand
dollars at the mines"
aVery hard luck % interrupted the old gen
tleman chuckling.
s'But on my way home, was robbed of eve
~ ounce-and now how can claim your daugh-
ter's hand 20
sampson Bittles," said Uncle Bill very cum
ningly, 'sif you haven't got fifty thousand dollars
you deserve to have it--you've worked hard
enough to get it. You shall have my daughter,
and the marriage shall be celebrated tomorrow
night. In anticipation of your return, have had
you published. And while you're talking with
Mary, I'll draw check for $4,000, so that you
may 60 into partnership with sufficient capital.
sBut, sir, I'm beggar"
$50 much the better--you'll work harder to
increase your fortune"
envy dear sir, how can thank you !"
''By making my girl good husband. There
tell Mary the news"
Bittes did tell her the news, and they were
married. He went into business on the fifty