Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1850-10-18
Tim NuckIes.

shapes our ends, but 1t any divinity had aught to
do in sharpng the " ends" of Tim Nuckles, we wish
to be the last to make that diyintys acquaintance
If q carroty, sun-burnt and sugar-loafed head, I
beasting neither extremity of one leg and frac- |
ton, losing themselves in most revolving looking
pair of dubbed feet can be called ends shaped by
a divinity the Lord preserve our ends from all di,
whites both now hence FORTH and to the end of all
time to come and but for the restraining influence
of our organ of reverence, would add, eternity
also
Our hero Tim Nuckles, was regular descendant
of one of the first families and, although native
in manner born, of the State of Alabama, he was
to describe him in his own emphatic language
some pumpkins, by the everlasting Jehosaphat."
As every great man has his own especial pecu-
Earties of character, it may well be supposed that
our hero not wanting in his to wit: the most
Wonderful powers of ubiquity, combined with that
singular species of stolidity, half natural and half
assumed, which would put to fault the most exper-
fenced phrenologist and which is so admirably cal
culated for the and IMMUNITY OF the mounte-
bank, the clown, and the pantaloon
No i" gathering" however privately COTTON up,
could possibly escape Tins advent thereto, as he
always happened purely by accident just to drap IN
while his remarkable obtuseness OF intellect would
never allow him to take the hint, (Which was often
given that his room was the most desirable part of
his company.
Continually committing some laug Enable and glar-
ing absurdity, some almost objectionable tau1 pas,
which made him the butt of many passing jest,
and the individual g pusson" on whom lnnumerable
practical jokes were perpetrated, Tim had suffered
some, both spiritually and temporarily previous to
the event we about to relate.
During Tins more halcyOn morn of life, he
had not been altogether free from those peculiar
palpitations of the heart when in the awe-insprng
presence of certain Miss Polyphema Patience Ann
Jones, which the sure indications Of love-grief
fed hope apostrOphiZed languishng soul consuming
loven its incipient and often most dangerous stage
But alas! whatever may have been Miss Polyphema's
own individual tender emotions and heart burnings
for the isolated and almost disconsolate Tim,
GO She told her love,
But let concealment, like worm i the bud,
Feed her damask cheek she pn'd in thought;
And with green and yellow melancholy,
Che sat, Qike patience on a monument0
while the disconsolate swain himself received but
sorry reception from old Mr.. and Mrs. JONES' who
looked upon him with most scornful and malig-
nant eye. But opposition, in all matters of the
heart is only calculated to sharpen the appetite of
love, SO 1t was IN the present instance; and Miss
Polyphema, who, at first, had only felt kind of af
fectionate sympathy for Tim owing, doubt, to his
msfortunes, began to entertain for him the real,
pure and Platonic sentiment; and, acting upon this
sentiment, she often gave poor Tim most unmistake-
able evidences of her hitherto concealed emotions
Smile not gentle reader, at the singular fancy of
Miss Polyphema, for, Sam Slick would say, g hu-
man nature is human nature" and our word for it,
there is as much human nature in woman-kind as
there is in anybody. But to tale. Miss Poly
phema had an elder sister, who to wed, a
tain day, Mr.. Salathiel Spaulding, Esq, who was
briefess lawyer, justice of the peace captain of mil
tia, with moral character of about ten thousand
dollars, inducements sufficient to molly the sterner
sensibilities of old Mr.. and Mrs. Jones.
AS the wedding day approached, Tim waited in
anxious expectation for card summoning him to
the happy festival, but such messenger of hope
and joy greeted his eager sight, until late in the
day on which the ceremony to take place. an
old domestic faithful to the bidding of Miss Poly
phema, bore a verbal message, requesting Tins
presence the all-important occasion. The indie
fatigable and love-stricken Tim was not slow in
obeyng the happy summons from his 'sladie love- u
and mounted on his favorite gray charger, he was
not the last to make his advent among the many
smiling, merry and lght-hearted guests awaiting
the interesting ceremony which was to make the
twain one flesh.
After the splicing had been duly performed and
the omnous words, man and wife, with the fms
E'amen," had fallen from the benignant lips of the
venerable parson, " the mrth and fun grew fast and
furious far into the drOwsy hours of the night and
Tim, usual, did not escape many biting Jest and
malicious sarcasm, which he bore with a patience
becoming another Job or christian martyr unit
by telegraphic sign we'll understood by himself and
Miss Polyphema they both left the room by opposite
doors and were soon by themselves in deep CONVEX
satiOn and by the fierce gesticulations of Tim, ii
could easily be that he was receiving informa.
ton of a no very pleasant nature.
By the everlasting Jehoshaphat,' Tins favorite
oath, " of Tom Owens and Bob Pratt dar to mutilate
old gray by shaving the bar off his tail and croppin
his name, swdr I'll put my bowie clean through
their derned provision establishment, SO help me
Abreham ~
What will not woman's wit accomplish ! few
whispered words from Polyphema, and Tins coun
tenance frightened up and actually expanded into
most ludcrous and satisfied SMILE as he gave hi
fair companion and counselor most hearty smacl
upon her pouting and unresisting lips and excaim
ed, d" What an idedr to come from female woman
By Jehoshaphat, Pol, but you are trump, and jus
the gal for a Emergency, and the way Tim Nuckle
will prove it to the comprehension of Tom Owen
and Bob Pratt, will be worth handing down to ou
posterity eff we should live to marry and meet will
such a calamity"
A for shame, Tim !" and saucy box upon tn
dexter ear from his protecting angel and Miss Poly
Phema disappeared, leaving Tim wondering why tn
devil he ought to be ashamed of his posterity.
A few moments after Tim gliding among tn
trees under cover of the protecting darkness, ant
when he returned to the house, Tom Ovens fine ant
beautiful gray had exchanged places with Tim
favorite and ancient nag.
On entering the room, knowing look at Polyphe
ma assured her that her advice had been put i
practice, and soon after, Tom Owens and Bob Pratt
left, to perpetrate most wicked and criminal iok
upon poor Tim.
To reach the tree where they had seen poor Tin
tie old gray, the work of a moment and tw
sharp knives, piled by skillful hands, left stand
ing there the most doleful earicature upon hors
kind that mortal eye ever beheld.
1t was whispered among those who locke
upon Tim with an evil eye that some one had fairl
Invested old gray of his fair proportions" and man
an extra torch was got in readiness in order tina
Tim might be placed in ridiculous light as pos
sible; and even old MIR. Jones himself was highl
delighted at the prospect of the udicrous figure Til
would cut when mounted on his favorite gray.
Tim could hardly restrain his own propensity t
laugh outright as he heard the suppressed whisper