The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1850-01-16

A True Story.
About thirty years ago, there lived on the
banks ofthe Susquchanna, poor negro, who had
the fortune to own COW. But by unforeseen
circumstance, he had been deprived of the means
of sustenance for her. How to keep his COW
from starving, was now the great, exciting ques-
ton. He was honest to fault, and detested
the name of thief; but after canvassing the sub
icct in different ways, he was forced to come to
the conclusion that his COW must either die, or
he must go to his neighbours barn and get hay
for her. Accordingly one night he went, and be-
gan to pitch off quantity to take home. At
the same time he was talking aloud to himself,
and saying Honesty is the best policy but my
COW shall not die At last however, his nature
triumphed and he commenced pitching the hay
back on the NOW saying-sHonestyt the best po-
Icy, and my COW shall die But then thoughts
of his destitute COW again arose in his mind, and
he again pitched The hay off the NOW Honesty
is the best policy, cried he sbut my COW shall
not die. Again did the voice of conscience tell
him he was wrong, and again did he pitch the
hay in its place. Honesty is the best policy,
and my COW shall die, saying which he laid
down the fork, and went home. My COW will
die said he 'but will not steal for her But
his COW lived, and had plenty to eat but he did
not steal it. No, for the very next day, the far
mer brought him load of hay, saying to him
Honesty is the best policy, and your COW shall
not die, The poor negro was overwhelmed and
c confused. 1t was eveidcnt that the farmer had
heard his soliloquy the night before and had Ia
ken this plan to reward him for his honesty. He
rallied and thanked the donor very prcfusely, tel
ling him he had saved him from becoming dis
honest man. The story has its own moral.-Far-
mcrs .4dr0cat.
WHATs A GESTLEMAN?-We are constantly
reading cards of thanks to the gcntlcmanly cap
tain, the gentlcmaniy steward, the gentlemnmiy
clerk, the gcntlemanty barkceper, ct cetera, ct
cetcra, and we have often asked ourselves what
constitutes gentleman of the present age. In
old times it was fortune, living without labor,
and with ease and comfort; now it appears to be
a title only conferred in return for some favor,
and indiscriminatcly bestowed. Thus, the cap
tain of ship is termed gentlemanly if he treats
his passengers with courtesy; the clerk of a
steamboat who hands the printers some newspa-
pers, is gcntlemanly; and the steward who pops
you champagne is called gcntlcmanly. We are
the nation ofal others for titles, and we confound
them all. When we talk with Dr. Francis he
always calls doctor: when the recorder is speak
ing to us he calls us Judge; the lawyer calls us
counsellor, the general never fails to call us ma
jjor: the countryman addresses as 'captain
and the downeastcr as stranger The title least
heard among us is mister We were once din
ing with our consul at Falmouth, Mr., Fox, and
were quit startled at sweet Quaker girl asking
us, quantity and dcmurely, sMordecai, what
wine wilt thou drink2'-..oahs SUNDAY Times
BED BUG SocIETY.-At the last annual meet
ing of the Female Society for the Extrpation of
Bed Bugs, and for amcliorating the condition of
those infested with them" held on the 9Th inst,
at the sign Of the Bugaboo, Mrs. Priscilla Pillow
was called to the chair, and Miss Sally Scratch
was appointed Secretary pro tenn The annual
report was then read
When, on motion of Mrs. Sackingbottom,
that the Society do now proceed to the election
of officers for the ensuing year. seconded by Miss
Betsy BEDFORD, the business was entered upon
torthwith; and in counting ballots it appear
ed that the following officers were duly elected:
Prcsident-Mrs Rachael Ratsbanc
Vice Prcsdents-Mrs Bridget Bedpost, Miss
Susan Sheets.
Recording sccrctary-N1iss Charity Cover
lid.
Managers-N1rs. Priscilla Pillow, Mrs. Cor
-osivc Sublimatc, Mrs. Lovely Whiskcy, Miss
Tracy Turpcntnc, Miss Susan Soapit, Miss
Hannah Brush, Miss Harriet Huntcm, Miss Pa
tience Pnchem, Miss Mary Mashcm, Miss
Prudence Stcpcn,, Miss Ruth Rotcm
On motion Of Miss Maid Mite.
Resolved, That on account of the multiplicity
of business which the members have on hand, in
of belonging to so many useful So
cieties, the monthly and quarterly meetings be
dispensed with.
After dcsultory conversation on very deli
cate subject, which it would be improper to pub
fish; it was.
Resolved, That in order to keep peace at home,
the Treasurer be authorized to offer premium of
one hundred cents for the best model of mach
inc for darning stockings, which may render SUI
perintendancc of the ladies of the family, with
the old and young, unnecessary. To be decided
on the next annual meetings
Resolved, That this Society would highly ap-
prove of an Auxiliary Female Juvenile Bed-bug
Society; and that the President be requested to
induce few children to call meeting for the
purpose and also to solicit the assistance of the
Rev. Henry Humbug, to deliver an address on
the occasion.
Resolved, That we approve of the practice of
sending children from door to door, to solicit con-
tributions, provided they do not expcnd more
than one half their receipts in confectionery. Ad-
journed.
Sally Scratch, Rec. Sec.
Grammatical Smoking.
AS smoking is an innocent amusement. and
as it is customary with people of all classes to
relate the news of the day with cigars in their