The mountain sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1844-1853, 1850-05-09
The ErasIve Soap Man.
BY J. J. HOOPER.

! The itinerant fellows who frequent our
towns, during the sessions of the Courts,
and on all other occasions of popular as
Misunderstanding their small wares a
! la the Razor-Strop man-are something
very amusing. We noticed one ofem
+ last week crying his erasiUe soap to as
! simple crowd as we have observed in
some time. He was sharp eyed fellow
with a sanctifed look, black whiskers
and a still blacker and enormous straw
| hat.
"Gentlemen," he said. or rather sang
'sgentlemen, offer you a splendid article,
superb article, an incompatible article
magical, radical. tragical article! Here
he displayed a cake of his soap. Magi-
cal, radical, tragical, erasiUe Soap! Yes,
in its effects upon its inventor most ira
gcal! Shall | tell you how! 1t was inven-
ted by celebrated French Chemist, after
twenty years toll, labor and privation. In
just fifteen minutes, two seconds and a
half, after the discovery, he fell into the
arms of death, and his name became i'm
mortal! You can draw you own conlu-
sions, gentlemen!
Magical, radical, tragical, era sive Soap!
Dime cake! Hand me the money!
served me right-there' the soap! Yes,
there's man has got cake of the incom-
parable, inappreciable, infallble, invalua-
bic, magical, radical, tragcal, e-ra-sive
soap!
Gentlemen, you'd open your eyes if |
were to tell you the wonders performed
by this in-con- parable article. 1t cleans
oilspots, removes stains, hides dirt, bright
ems good colors and obliterates bad ones,
such is the virtue of the all-healing,
never-failing, spot-removing, beauty-resto-
ring, health giving, magical, erasive Soap!
The vender wiped his brow, heaved a
sigh, and recommended, standing at ease
againt a piazza post.
"Why gentlemen, when first became
| acquainted 18th this inextollable gift of
divine Providence to erring man, had an
obstruction of the vocal organs, an imped-
iment of speech, that bid fair TO destroy
the hopes of the fonC parents who inten-
ded me for the bar or the pulpit. | was
tongxe-tied-but | came across this pre-
cious ompound-swallowed half an
ounce, and ever since, TO the satisfaction
of my parents, myself, and an assembled
| world, have been volubly, rapidly, and
successfully, interminably, unintermitting-
ly, most eloquently sounding the praises
of the incompatible, inimitable, inappre-
clable, never-failing, all healing, spot-re-
moving, beauty-restoring magical, radical,
tragical, erasive soap!
| All! gentleman, a world without it
would be naught! 1t takes the stains from
your breeches, the spots from your coat,
removes the dirt, and diffuses a general
cheerfulness over the character of the
whole outer man! True, gentlemen, I've
worn the foreinger of my right hand to
the first joint, in illustrating the efficacy
of this ineffable compound; but l hold
that the foreinger of one man-yea, OF
the forefingers of TEN MEN-are as moth
ing when compared with the peace and
welfare of society and the world!
Oh, magical Soap! oh, radical Soap!
oh, tragical Soap! what wonders thou
dost perform! The frightened locomotive
leaves its track (as 1T acere) on thy ap'
proach! The telegraphic wires tremble
and are dumb in thy presence!
Why, gentlemen, it clears the complex
ion of a nigger, and makes curly headed
mans hair straight! 1t removes the stains
from the breeches, and the spots coats
in like manner, it purifies the conscience
and brightens the character! If you're a
little dishonest or dirty, try it! If your
reputation or clothing is little smutty I'll
warrant it! For ladies whose slips
mean these little brown, yellow, white,
blue and many colored Hppers-have be-
come soiled, it is the only cure, panacea,
medicamentum, vade-mecum, in gIobular
creation. Then come up, tumble up. run
up and Jump up, like Hungry patriots,
and by my incompatible, infaIlible, ineff-
able inappreciable, coat-preserving, beau
ty-restoring, dirt-removing. speech-impro-
wing, character-polishing, virtue-imparting,
all-healing, never-failing, magical, radical,
tragical, compound, ERAsIvE soAp!"