Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1850-06-14

and my ingenuity and industry were larSely taxed
to prevent absolute ruin. For all these manifold
perplexities your mother had no sympathy and
could not understand why they should prey upon my
mind, or why they should in any way interrupt the
comparatively idle and pleasurable mode OF life in
which We had formerly INDUCED She was discon-
tented and restless under the partial restraint was
compelled to exercise in my expenditures and the
mount of time | was obliged to devote to affairs OF
business-on account of which she was lett to seek
her own sources of amusement Content and hap
pness had no existence for her, except in the hustle
and excitement of society. Her home was anywhere
but at home do not urge this as fault in her a
lone; it was the result Of the system by which she
had been educated.
'sAt the time of your birth, I fondly trusted that
she would no longer look beyond her own domestic
ect calculated to engage all her sympathies, and
tie that would bind her to the active and per-
manent duties of life For time my anticipations
were realized. 1t was but for time, for soon the
novelty away and she regarded you only in the
light of bar to the liberal enjoyment of the frippe-
ry pleasures of life, in the midst of which she had
been reared. 1t pains to be obliged to write thus
to you of your mother, but it is only by placing be-
fore you plain statement of facts, that can ever
hope to exculpate myself from my seeming brutality,
in taking you from under her charge. | have not
yet placed before you the worst anything like the
most criminal course of conduct by which was i'm
PEELED to that dreadful alternative: Alas no would
that could blot from my memory what | am about
to write! Day or night it haunts like goblin,
Sleeping waking the fearful drama is acted over
in my fevered imag ination and will one day drive
me mad But | am swerving from the rule l had
imposed upon myself in compiling this narrative,
which was avoid all display of feeling, leaving
you to judge what l must have endured under the
trials imposed upon me.
"Once, and once again, was charged with neg
lect and alienation of affection not only by her, but
by her friends to whom she freely related her grie-
vances l need not say that was annoyed by these
charges, at the time that was resolved to per-
severe in my determination to look we'll, and con-
stantly, to the real welfare of those bengsmy wife
and little daughter-who comprised the sum of my
being. L was not understood kneW-neyer-
theless, consciousness ofrght motives and unceasng
diligence in the pursuit of my objec-a release from
all dependence upon Others-kept me from despair.
In a little time my object would have been accom-
plished-when fate drew circle around our home,
and it was accursed.
1.-The poet says -
"sThere is tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the food leads to fortune
There is also another tide upon which, if man once
gets aHOat, no human exertion him. If
within the eddies of misfortune by little and
more they gain upon him-he becomes perplexed-
makes effort to push out of their influence, but in
the attempt involves himself in fresh and more
whelming difficulties; every moment the whirl of
waters becomes more apparent-he grows giddy and
bewildered in the maze-and finally yields passively
to what he cannot control The circle narrows, and
the velocity of his motion increases till one tumultu-
flood swallows him up forever.
Among my creditors was one who was in the
constant habit of visiting our house, and his frank
easy manuers cheerful temper, and attractive ner-
son, made him especial favorte with your mother
He was emphatcally man ofleisure since his whole
time squandered in frivolous amusements, and
he particularly devoted in his attention to fe-
males. was satisfied to know that your mother had
found means of entertainment and appeared happy,
without ever considering the consequences of such
an intimacy. This may seem strange to others, but
have already given you the key to my blindness to
what was going on around me-namely, the deter
mination to save my little family from beggary. They
in the habit of walking riding and singing to-
gether; but my blind confidence in the uprightness
Of your mothers integrity, discovered nothing in
those circumstances but disposition the part of
habitually idle people to kill time. Ny daughter
duOd dleneSS y0u ,rouid the old Serpnnt 1vhO temp
ted EUe 1t is nearly the primary cause of nearly all
the eUilS Wih rhich mankind are cursed. This init
macy grew daily more and more apparent. was
no longer teazed to neglect my business for amuse
ments. This circumstance | regarded as great
concession the part of my wife, and felt grateful
accordingly Had my ears been open to the scanda
afoat in the neghborhood, which has since come tt
my knowledge, should have taken the alarm Alas
for my happiness, the winks and fnger-ends haC
no significance to me; and remark with shame ant
selfcOndemnatiOn, that have often cOnnived at M
own disgrace for | have repeatedly invited -
when he came to visit us, to drive your mother ou
in his carriage Matters in this State wheI
your mother received pressing invitation to visit
near relative in New York. She accepted the invi
tation and as chance would have it, our friend--
was about to visit New York on business, and will
apparent kindness offered to take her under hi
charge. This arrangement was agreed upon-yO
were then three years old. could not consent tina
you should go with her, for you were then the onl
consolation to me in my hours of relaxation. You
artless pratte soothed the fever in my BRAIN and
required no effort my part to draw it out. The
t departed-and never saw them more
81 had requested your mother to write to me in
, mcdiately on her arrival in New York. | waite
, many days beyond the time in which | might rea
sonably anticipate the discriminating that her tim
and attention had been so much occupied as to prt
vent her from writing At length became uneas
and wrote to her, directing the letter to the
one OF her friends, where [ presumed she might b
d staying-the letter was not answered. Now serious
= ly alarmed, wrote again to friend, to inquire
8 your mother ill., why had not heard fro
IS her. / received, for answer, that diligent nqu
# ry among all our friends, she nowhere to /
g found and no one had any knowledge Of her havin
been recently in the city. Blind, miserable dolt tn;
l. was! even yet, suspicion of the real truth ha
It occurred to me- 1t is true, the mystery perplexe
rs and alarmed me; some accident had occurred re-
$, soned! | resolved to go at once to New York m
IL SELF and clear up the mystery. My journey W;
lie fruitless could gain definite tidings of the Fl
m gtives; for such was at length forced to regal
oI them. will not attempt to describe to YOU my EN-
e tions my dear child when this painful suspicion hs
II grown into certainty. My mind was chaos
p have not clear recollection of what transpired fl
III several weeks only remember that I saw nothir
around me but gloom-the waters were closing
n round mel was giddy-mad! and groand alor
Is in the language of Job why died not from tt
a womb! For should have lain still and bee
Is quiet should have slept then had been at RESI-
iS 10Th riU to ,11,bo Sc