Fremont weekly freeman. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1850-1853, 1850-06-08
The KalamazOo HUM.

/
contains q capital story under this title. tits
an inimitable bit of American humor, and
seems to please the John Bulls mightily-if
we may judge from the universal commen-
dation it receives at the hands Of the English
journalists We make room for the following
extract:
So we trampoosed along down the edge of
the swamp till we come to track, when we
turned in Ingin file, and kept on about mile
or SO, climbing over stumps, wading through
1nud-holes, tearing through cat -briars, and
stumbling over bogs, and at last found our
selves in an open piece about a pole across,
which was perfectly dry, with two large oak
trees standing some ten feet apart Hold on.
/ Haines, says the boss, alet's pull up here and
take some grub. You amt had any break
fast, nor I neither; so you take that tree, and
III take this and well eat and rest bit''-
| Agreed" said Haines, "There amt much
use of going too fast and we might as well
pull up a bit here as not. Squire s'pose we
hquor?"
Well, old Haines and the boss sat down and
| fixed the things for them. not forgetting TO
leave the bottle; and, thinks l to myself l
reckon Ill start on piece and look after some
of the boys. So on goes for about about a
two or three miles, without seeing any of them
and beginning to feel tired, turned round
and put back agin. Well, when / got, as L
thought, about where left the boss and
Haines, heard kind of growing and rust
ling, as if there were pigs hunting after acorns.
HollIoa, says to myself what's this? I'll
Just peep into the brush and see what it is
So turns in out of the track. and, by gosh
| if there wasn't the boss behind one tree, and
old Haines behind another, each dodging a
bedri Holloa, said /, this Is fix! What's to
be done now? So hides behind thick ivy
bush, and looks on spell; but ] had TO laugh.
There stood the boss behind tree, with his
legs one side and his head tother, and when
ever the bear would make pass at him round
one way, he lodged round the other; while
old Haines kept his head a-going from one
side to the other, and danced round and back
| Just as if he weighed one stone in the place of
eighteen. "Curse mei'' said old Haines to the
boss, when his bear kept still moment, and
gin him chance TO breathe-s.if this work
keeps on much longer. if don't have TO give
up. can't stand it, by all that's holy Hol-
Ter, Squire, for can't said boss, "the ami
NAL is so internally bent on grabbing my leg.
! Good Lord, he liked to have had me that
time! Try, Haines, yourself-do that's a
good fellowl That animal after you aint a she
one, but mine is know, By its being so infer
naliy artful. UGH you b--hl' said the boss,
shaking his fist at the one as was after him, as
she stood on her hind legs, grabbing at him
round the tree, with her head half way round,
to see exactly where he was. Cant we change
trees ?" asked Haines. "for I've got tired of
running round one way, and the cursed brute
won't alter the track, "Heyi hollo! heyP'
sung out the boss for me; "ho, hoop, ha u
and by gosh, while he turned up his eyes as
liz to boiler louder, the bear gave him dig
with her paw in the seat of his pantaloons, and
carried away drawers and all "Oh!" said
the boss, and he put one hand behind to sde
what damage was done, and darted round
Et'other side quicker. Course me if / keep
this position much longer, Haines! I'll take
the path and make run for it This is play
ing bo-peep with vengeance It's altogeth-
er too exciting to be pleasant; pretty posi-
ton for the editor of the Advocate and Journal
to be placed in--a-dodging bears round ches-
nut trees! Curse me, if can stand it any
longer But Haines hadn't any time to at
Etend to what the boss was saying, for tother
| bear kept him on the move, so that he was
all eyes and no care for any thing else; and
the two kept lodging and twisting, and head
| ing off each other with great alertness and
perseverance, al wish had a slight drop of
something" said the boss to himself for there
was no use talking to Haines; he hadn't time
to answer; Al think could keep this up some
| what longer, but without something strength
ening 1 must knock under, that's a fact. No
editor of flesh and blood could do it, and
what's more, curse me if dol'' He went on
getting wrathy. Look here, Haines! tell
you what, this can't last much longer without
coming to some pass or other Il too, Katy" !"
replied Haines; 'sbut may / never taste any.
thing stronger than water if I don't think
we've come TO pretty considerable pass al
ready. Here am, scouting round this infer
nal tree, first on one side and then on t'other,
lodging here and there, heading off and chas-
ing round, making myself cursed jenny y-spin-
1 ner, dry as =, and as hot as thunder, and you
yelling out to me to get you out of jist such a
i fix as am in myself Curse the b--h, why
don't you-ah! why don't you mesmerize
.Eher?" But ii wasn't any use to get them
wrathy; the bears didn't give them time to get
in passion, for it takes the boss and Haines
ten minutes to FIRE Up strong when they talk
politics; and as they were at that time, they
didn't get even minute to think. Well, af-
ter had looked out for about fifteen minutes
or So, and seed the boss begin to get desper-
ately frightened, and looking ALFRED tired.
thinks I, heard gun back north some time
ago; guess III try and hunt up that fellow,
and get him to come and shoot one OF these
varnints, so as to get our boss out Of the
scrape. So back went and in half an hour
found old Bullet poking around among par
lcel of gorse and furze, looking after a pat
fridge he had killed when heard his gun go
off. AS soon as told him how matters stood
with the boss and Haines, he loaded right up,
and started away ike fire engine under. a
full head Of steam, and made tracks straight
AHEAD, without steering clear of any thing
Bullet drove on SO fast, that when we came
up where the old 'uns were, was 50 ALFRED
Ibiowed that hadn't wind enough left to
laugh. There they was, jist as had left them,
dodging and sliding round, and the bears
i growing and swapping like all natur Old
Haines had got SO warm that he had pulled
L Il