Eastern times. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1846-1857, 1850-06-06
Test of Affection,

Mr.. Archibald Stanhore-a groggy
senllmenlalist, residing in sBuckly street,
Phlladelphia-conceived the narrowing
suspicion that his wife was no, as pas
sionately fond of Kim as a lady Of good
taste should be; and to put the matter
10 fair trial, he hit OIL little stratagem
which he put in practice the other day,
with the results hereafter to be detailed.
He took suit of clothes and COM
posed an elfigy of himself, by slufing the
garments with a quantity of straw, which
had lately been discharged from an old
bed. Having suspended this figure to a
rafter in the garnet by means of a piece
OF clothes line, he csconced himself be-
hind pile of rubbish in the garnet. TO
watch the effect.
After awhile his little daughter came
up after jumping rope, and caught a
glimpse of the suspended figure. She
ran down stairs screaming
o, mother, mother, daddy has hung
himself ~
Now for it," thought. Archibald in
ambuscade-s' we shall have touching
scene presently" LII F f-
"Hung himself?" he heard Mrs.
S. repeat, as she walked leisurely up
stairs. (" He hasn't spunk enough for
such a thing, or he would have done it
long ago. Well, believe he has done
it, however" she continued, as she came
in view of Archibald's representative
" Moll--to the little girl think he
ought 10 b, cut down. You had better
go into the kitchen and get knife, my
dear, but don't go down too fast, or you
might fall and hurt yourself Slay-I
forgot, there's none in the kitchen sharp
enough. You can go around TO Mr..
Holmes, the shoemaker, in Sixth street,
he's only two squares off, and borrow
his paring>knife; tell him to whet it
little before he sends it. And, Molly,
while you are in the neighborhood, you
may call at your aunt Susan's and ask
how the baby is. And, Molly, you can
stop ct the grocery store as you come
back, and get pound Of seven cent
sugar"
Poor Archy" sighed Mrs. s., when
her daughter had departed. | hope we'll
get him down before the vital sparks
distinction these buryings are very
troublesome, and cost the money. He
wants to put an end TO himself, too and
perhaps he better have his own way for
once in his life he used to say that
was always a crossing him. | wish he
hadn't spoiled that new clothes line-an
Old rope might have answered his pur~
pose" ..
Here voice, which sounded similar
to that of the supposed suicide, broke in
on Mrs. Stanhope's soliloquy, "You
COMPOUNDED Jezabel, I'll be the death OF
you!"
Mrs. S. thinking this must of course
be a ghostly exclamation, uttered a wild
scream, and attempted to escape down
the narrow staircase. Archibald, START
ing from his concealment, gave chase.
Mrs. S. tumbled midway on the flight Of
stairs, and Mr.. S. having Just reached
her and made grasp at her disheveled
hair as it streamed backwards, the amia~
bic partners were precipitated to the bot
tom together.
Both were badly bruised, and the cries
of the lady raised the neighborhood.
Archibald was arrested for making dis
turbance, and practicing on the tender
sensibilities of his wife. He was recog-
nized in 5000, and jocularly proposed his
suspended effigy as his surety-but he
found to his sorrow straw bail was not
acceptable under the administration of
Mayor Jones.