Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1845-1854, 1850-08-12
COurting.
BY NED ALBRO.

Somethin' bout the gals-pretty little
critters. When feller gins to ia bout
'em, it's jest like sucking cider thro' straw
out'n the bung hole Of barrel-don't know
when to knock off. Now, went a gallin'
when Pse knee high to a beetle bug, an
Consistently knows as much bout it, as a
hen-hawk does bout maxim pancakes
Some gals a fellow can talk love till the day
O. judgment an it don't make no more i'm
preston on 'em than it does barrel O.
mackrel. Now there's old Daddy Adams
dater Beck, she's one O. them kind O. katy
dds. | went to see that gal one Christ
mas night, an twas rainin' like slashy.
Arter got there l told her Use kinder fod-
derish, SO she went and got me lot O. last
years crullers, but-thunder!-I couldn't
eat 'em, they were salter'n Lots wife.
After the old man went to bed she sot on
my lap, an oh! jerusa-lam, an tiger Ill
lys! lay | didn't feel kinder queer tween
the jucken pockets. got so darned excit-
ed went right to sleep. When walked
up twas bout tew o'clock next mornin' an
the eetle throllop had gone to sleep an
left me huggin' the back log. l swow l
felt as sheepish as a nany-goat, so I scoot-
ed for hum, on the double high pressure
system, gin that gal up. Then went to
sparkin' Deacon Cummings dater-ths
cross-eyed one. She kept school, but she
was so alfred cross-eyed, she'd larrup tew
young 'uns for one, half O the time. Well
arter Id shined aroun' this gal bout a
month, sides settin' up with her, she said
l want nobody, 'causeI had head like
the Presidents house-kinder white, she
gin ne up. Then went to see her sister
Betsy. She was dreadful mean gal. She
was so darn mean that her toe-nails would
MT grow much longern' a inch. They'd
grow out leetle ways an then they'd
turn right bout an grow back agin.-
They'll oilers keep on doin' so from time to
eternity. Her mother died when she was
three years old, cause she was SO mean,
an the Deacon not bein' good judge O.
furnitoor, got hitched to another mean crit
ter. That gin him the blues an he took to
drinkin'. Well, Bets was too darn mean
for the present gineration, 50 let her slide.
But there's one more gal on the list, Cor
neal Pinkroot, an she is a teazer. Well
she was. She axed me to take her a sleigh
ridin' once,I couldn't back out, cause she'd
tantalize feller till he was pa'er'n shad-
der of an old gray jackass that's been fed
on the double extracted essance of billed
shingle nails. So l went and got uncle
Eph's old antedeuvian OK sled an toated it
bout a mile, an then went back for one
of uncle Eph's' steers. He was as wrathy
as she wild cat, but made out to get
him hitched to sled, arter prongin' him
pc particularly awful with pitchfork tween
the ribs. Arter we'd got the critur lashed
to the tung, we jest jumped aboard an
way we went like a streak of cast iron
moonshine. How the crittur scuddsd thro'
the trees an over the fences. Talk bout
these patent com binations o railroad iron
an hot water, why they want circum'
stance. The eritter getting kinder i'll
spired, kept bobbin' up an down with ths
sled like Long Island leeter snipe. Wher
we're going through Uncle Eph's peach or
chard, some of CorneaPs under riggin' get
tim loose ketched on fence rail and jerk
ed her out like winkin'. Nothing was lef
of the sled but the dasher, an l hung oil
that like mud turtle to darkey's lips
Jest as I'se pickin' myself up to max
tracks, Uncle Ephe rushed out an gin M
one of the darndest peelins that ever an,
human beein' had in all their born days
I come to the conclusion that I'd had ever,
Experience in the courtin' line, an if there
any feller thinks he can take the lint off o
me, jest propel, an report progress.