The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1850-07-03
mad HUSBANDS.
Frnm Mr.. swisshelm's Saturday Visit

lady sends us aletter describing the un-
kindness Of two men to their wives, and asking
our advice in the matter. We give the follow
ing extract ~ .l...
sBut enough, he is killing her, and married
but Ave months. Do not cast this away and
say these are monsters, and not men. Y on
would change your opinion if you heard their
names; for my part, think them fair sample
Of the whole. One of these bears had to call in
d physician, who told him her disease was not
in his line toscure, as il was a disease of the
mind have ascertained since, that he is not
quite as tyranical as formerly; but she is in a
decline.
~ rood man; think do not know any better,
and Susan did not grieve twenty years as anoth-
er acquaintance of mine has, who, thanks to a
good constitution, is not in decline, and don't
intend to be. 1t is a long time since the fervor
Of her love was gone, and she has found it ne
cessary to her peace Of mind, to harden her
heart against any return Of the affections, or ra-
Their against the going out Of the affections,
knowing by sad experience they would be dash
ed ruthlessly back. Do not try to make me
think you know nothing of this; every man is
glad to see an old bachelor, thinking there is
one less to be tormented."
Our readers must not think we have our fin
gers in family jar! We do not know who the
parties are, and speak Of the subject because we
often get such letters. It may be possible we
can give some advice that may be useful to some
one. In the first place, we hope the writer " i'll
excuse us for saying frankly, You are a bigot
madam, for holding such an opinion as you ex-
press Of men in the aggregate. 1t wants every
vestige of proof or probability. All men are
mortal, and all liable to err; but in the whole
circle of our acquaintance, we know of but two
entitled to the name tyrant and we consider
them both insane. Our constant wonder is, that
with our present marriage laws we have so few
bad husbands-so few who are disposed to ex-
ercse the full extent of the power conferred up
on them by the marriage covenant. There are
quite as many wives who, by cunning, subter-
fuge and deceit, tyranize over their husbands. as
there are husbands who, by superior power, en-
slave their wives. This we look upon as the
natural consequence Of the doctrine of woman's
inferiority and duty Of subsection.
Lying is the vice of slaves, and is taught to
women us the highest virtue. In the first place,
an accomplished education is little more than
the art of appearing what she is not, to get hus
band. Then comes the life long lie Of manag-
ing him, by those little arts of cajolery, which
the Dana school poetizes with such phrases as,
''the strength Of weakness 'the sceptrc Of
love-" Our literature is teeming with particu-
lar directions about the modus operandi. If
Mrs. Brown wants a new carpet, she does not
ask Mr.. Brown directly and explicitly about the
state Of their finances, and the propriety of the
purchase; but she contrives to call with him Mt
the Jones' 8, where superb one has just been
put down. She must talk about Jones' carpet,
cast side long looks at their own faded one.
sigh, look sad, speak with a melancholy cadence,
and always address Mr.. Brown as "my dear -
Particular attention must be paid to his dinner
his coffee must be in fine order, and his Slip
pers just ut hand; but still a soft melancholy
must reign on the placid face ofhis injured wife,
as she walks mournfully over the old carpet
All this time nothing must be said; but Brown
must feel that the sunshine of Happiness can ne
yer beam upon the face of Mrs. Brown, until it
reflects from bran new carpet. When the
carpet comes, the lady has "managed her card
lit is that much of gain to her, no matter if
it should be heavy loss to him. Their inter.
ests are not one. The business Of the firm is
not a joint-stock; outdoor matters are his bust
ness,--in-door interests are hers. e
Upon this principle majority of married lives
are based; and the phases it assumes are almost
infinite. The more tyrannical and domineering
husband is, the more cunning and deceitful a
wife must become to manage him, unless she
yield and sink into an AFFECT slavery US some
few do. But to the case in point. The sorrow.
Of wife of FIVE months are not to be approach
ed lightly. We have heard much about "hon
ey moon" but have an idea the honey is all ir
the moon-that the imaginary happiness is al
moonshine: Observation leads us to think the
first year of married life is more generally un
happy than any after period--that there is in
fact more intense wretchedness crowded into
that space, than she was ever before, or is ever
after capable of enduring in lifetime. Our ad-
vice to all would be: Suffer and be strong;
watch and wait until you have grown accustom-
ed to your new position. You are in a transi
ton state; and should take no very positive
step, because you will seldom act wisely. A.
bove all things never make confdant like this
writer, who will aid you to see your wrongs, or
whose opinions Of men will lead her to take it
for granted your husband is wholly in fault
When you are unhappy try to think the fault
your own; for very likely it is so, either in whole
or in part; and it is natural for love to take
blame, rather than lay it on the beloved object,
just it is natural for love to wish to suffer for
another. Then never utter, never act lie
Never put on any show of seeming-never use
an art of duplicty or cajolery, or wheedling for
any purpose, or with any one. Do not under
stand by this that any tart Of affection is wrong
that coaxing and endearments are degrading.
1t is right to kiss father, mother, or husband
or brother, in return for any favor, ONO, not
as remuneration, but Just to coax one to do as
you wish, only let the object be fairly under
stood. Deal candidly,-speak truth in all sim
ccrity. With q husband this candor should be
commenced before marriage and it should be on
both sides. We believe that much more suita-
BILE selections would be made in the choice of
partners, were the parties to reside in the same
family circle for time, during which both sho d
be engaged IN their usual avocations. Each
should make it point of honor to make the 9th.
er acquainted with his or her faults or foibles.-
Then, courtship would not bea dream, and mar.
rage the awakening. Asst is, most marriages
are commenced in deceit on both sides, and con.
summated like any other piece of acting tn a
stage scene, where the bridal costume is the
chief attraction The happy couple find ont in
week, that each has been most egregiously
mistaken in the other, and if they are prudent,
they 1--we in tsuapension Of hostilities for life
Most Of our unhappy marriages are Of this
class, and what to do with them, how to mend
matters is the question! But better late than
never. Commence system of truth and can
dor--offair dealing, and never, for any emergen-
cy depart from it. This is applicable to both;
but we are talking more especially to wives
and do not surfet your husbands with caresses.
Do not teach him to think all your reserve, mod.
esty and delicacy Of girlhood were mere traps.
Courtship is represented as heaven Of enioy-
ment; be sure you proiong his until the last day
Of his life, if you live SO long.
It's no uncommon thing for newly married
,.nors1o 10, do like chs1dron rot .;oL -, ,,,.~<