Southern sentinel. [volume] (Plaquemine, Parish of Iberville [La.]) 1848-1858, 1850-11-09
The NonpIus'd Barber or the
Half.Shayed CAPTAIN.

The no less notorious wag of our town than
the celebrated Captain Of the Dirty Shirt Ran
gers, happened in at the Barber Shop, opposite
the Market, last Sunday morning, to complete
his toilet for church. CHANGING around, and
perceiving that the seats were all occupied, and
being somewhat hurried to be off, determined
that he would make a virtue of necessity, and
resort to the disagreeable alternative Of sharing
himself Having been shown to a room com
fo.tabIy arranged for the purpose, where he
could enjoy q pleasant shave alone, it was not
long before he was seriously at work. Wheth-
er We must attribute it 10 the shocking dul!ness
the Captain, it so happened that the keen edge
Of TIE instrument having been firmly fixed in
the stiff beard Immediately under the chin, OBJ
stinately refused to perform its duty. The Cap
tain, acting on the long established principle,
"that the beard must come, if the handle don't
break" gave a long pull, a determined pull and a
pull altogether, which resulted in a severe cash
in the flesh, aud caused the blood profusely
to flow.
Placed in this precarious predicament, he de-
termined to perpetrate a joke on the unsophis-
ticated Barber, and having besmeared his throat
with the blood oozing from the aforesaid cash,
which gave him the appearance of one who
had perpetrated a rash act Of violence upon
himself, began to the uttermost strain Of his
lungs to cry out-Help, Murder, dc. No
sooner had these hideous notes reached the
BARRIERS ears, than the room door suddenly
flew open as if by magic, and there stood the
astonished Barber, beholding in utter s%tnpefac-
ton, a sight which "Jreezed his fancy to teA."
There stood the Captain in a leaning posture
against the wall-his throat apparently cut
from ear to ear. whilst in his right hand, which
had fallen in its naturaI posture by his side, was
the bloody instrument with which the rash deed
had evidently been committed.
The Barber utterly astounded, and in the
agony of his fright, grasping for breath-Lis
eyes resembling two burning ~hemispheres, in
70 'untarily raised mis- clasped hands to heaven,
ejacu ating in tones of thunder, in which was
evidently mingled fee ings of regret and fear:
"4Mon Dieu; Sainte Marie wat is re mznar?
One fou, sans raison, mho been suicide himself
in my own house, suppose! VIVA is de auto
rites Of ustics!? | be suspicionne for murder
taken to re Jail house on one affidavit as
one princiJa1-one accessoire to zis crime!
No sooner had the unfortunate Ba, Der given
vent to his feelings, when with an agility un-
surpassed, he sprang to the door, and began
following with his utmost might for the auto
rites of Justice-when the Captain, thinking 1t
high time TO lay all dssemb.ings aside, endea-
vored to expostulate with his frightened CON-
rade, by explaining the manner in which he had
perpetratcd the joke. 1t was, however, some
time, before the Barber was fairly convinced
that his throat was not actually cut; bat when
on this point, he naturally concluded
that the Captain was insane. To convince him
otherwise, was impossible, and notwithstanding
The Captains entreaties to be shaved, the Bar
Der demonstrated in very strong terms, decla-
positively that it was against the rules of
lis establishment to shave insane persons. So
Captain was compelled to 60 off half sha-
ied-!eaving behind him the bad impression
hat he was actually, and beyond doubt, a
compo mentis.