The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1850-05-22
First Marriage,

%: .'@e First Marriage. ~ uET} odt
The following amusing sketch of oborn 70
good luck" j" is said to be from the pen Of the "a
cetious Samuel Lover:
Lazy y. was beautiful woman, but Lady G.
was an extravagant woman. She was still sin.
gle, though rather past extreme youth. Like
most pretty females, she had looked too higlr
and estimated her own loveliness too dearly. and
now she refused to believe that she was not an
charming as ever. So no wonder she still re-
mained unmarried-Lady c. had about five
thousand pounds in the world. She owed about
forty thousand pounds; SO, with all her wit and
| beauty, she got into the feet and was likely to
remain there. Now, in the time speak of, ev.
cry lady had her head dressed by barber; and
the barber was the handsomest barber in the ci-
ty of London. Pat Phian was a great admirer
of the fair sex; and where's the wonder? Sure
pat was an Irishman. 1t was one very fine morn
ing, when Philan was dressing her captivating
head, that her ladyship took it into her mind to
talk to him, and Pat was we'll pleased, for Lady
C's teeth were the whtest, and her smile the
brightest in all the world. 's"I
$50 you re not married, Pat" says she. tsDc
vii an inch yer honor's ladyship," says he
"And wouldn't ye like to be married." again
asks she. "Would duck SWIM" "Is there
any one you d prefer" "Maybe, madam" saws
he, 'syou niver heard of Kathleen OReilly,
down beyant Doneraile? Her fathers cousin to
O'Donaghoe, whose own steward to MIR. Muir
phy, the under-agent to my Lord Kingstown,
and "Hush, says she; "sure don't want
to know who she is. But would she have you,
if you asked herr" "Ah, thin, I'D only wish Id
be afther trying that same "And why don't
you?" "Sure I'm too poor" And Phlan f1eav-
ed prodigious sigh. "Would you like to be
rich'" "Does dog bark?" ssIf make you
rich, will you do as l tell your" "Mille muir
thers your honor, don't be tan,alizing a poor
boy. "Indeed I'm not" said Lady G. $50 lis
ten. ''How would you like to marry me? "Ah,
thin, my lady, l believe the King of Russia hun
self, would be proud to do that same, lave alone
poor devil like Pat Philan." "Well, Philan,
if you'll marry me tomorrow, I'll give you one
thousand pounds" "Oh! whilaboo! whilaboo!
sure m mad, or enchanted by the good people,"
roared Pat, dancing round the room. "But there
are conditions says Lady G.. "After the first
day of our nuptials yon must never see me again,
nor claim me for your wife, Il don't like that
says Pat, for he had been ogling her ladyship
most desperately But, remember Kathleen
O'Reilly. With the money III give you, you
may 90 and marry her That's thrue,' saws he
But, thin, the bigamy? ill never appear a.
gainst you,' says her ladyship. "Only remem-
Der, you must take an oath never to call me
your wife after tomorrow, and lever to 90 tell
ing all the story. 'Divil word I'll iver saw
well, then, says she, there's ten pounds. Go
then she explained to him where he was to 20,
and when he was to come, and all that The
next day Pat was true to his appointment, and
found two gentlemen already with her ladyship.
Have you got the lcense?' says she. sHere it
is, my lady, says he; and he gave it to her She
handed it to one of the gentlemen, who viewed
it attentivey Then, calling in her two servants,
she turned to the gentleman who was reading:
Perform the ceremony, says She And, sure
band, the legal husband, of the lovely Lady C.
THAT will do, says she to her new husband, as
he gave her hearty kiss; 'thatll do Now, sir,
give me my marriage certificate The old gen.
tleman did so, and, bowing respectfully to the
five pound note she gave him, he retired with
his clerk; for, sure enough, forgot to tell you
that he was parson. go and bril me tho
warden, says my lady to one of her servants.
'Yes, my lady, says she; and presently the war
den appeared sWill you be good enough say.
Lady c., in voice that would call bird off a
tree, will you be good enough to send and fetch
me hackney-coach' wish to leave this pris-
on Immediately 'Your ladyship forgcts,' re-
piled he, sthat you must pay forty thousand
pounds before can let you 60 Il am married
woman. You can detain my husband, but not
me- And she smiled at Philan, who began ra-
ther to dislike the appearance of this. Pardon
me, my lady, it is we'll known you are SINGLE
Il tell you | am married sWhere's your Rus.
band:' 'Thcre, sir and she pointed to the as
tonished barber: there he stands. Here is nv
marriagc-certifcate, which you can peruse at
your leisure. My servants yonder were wit.
nesses of the ceremony. Now detain me, sir.
one instant, at your peril The warden was
dumbfounded, and no wonder. Poor Philan
would have spoken, but neither party would let
Tho low, koJo
result evident. In half an hour Lady G..
was free, and Pat Philan, her legitimate husband.
prisoner for debt to the amount Of forty thous-
and pounds Well, sir for some time Pat tho't
he was in a dream, and the creditors thoupht
they were still worse. The following day thew
held meeting, and finding how they had been
tricked, swore they detnin poor Pat forever.
But, as they well knew that he had nothing. and
wouldn't feel much shame in going through the
Insolvent Court, they made the best Of bad
bargain, and let him out. Well, you must know.
about week after this, Paddy Philan was sit.
ting by his little fire, and thinking over the won
dertul things he had seen, when, as sure as DEATH
the post-man brought him letter, the first he
had ever received, which he took over to friend
of his, one Ryan, a fruit.seller, because, YOU
see, he was no great hand at reading writing, to
decipher for him. 1t ran thus: -s
'Go to Daneraile, and marry Kathleen O'Reil-
ly. The instant the knot is tied 1 fulfil nv pro.
mise Of making you comfortable for life. But, 40
you value your life and liberty, never breathe
syllable Of what has passed. Remember, YOU
are in my power if you tell the story. The mo-
ney will be paid to you directly you enclose me
your marriage certificate III send you ESQ for
present expenses. sSs,..,, ~
Oh! happy Paddy Didn't he start next day
for Cork, and didn't he marry Kathleen, and
touch a thousand pounds? BY the powers he
did. And, what is more, he took cottage, which
perhaps you know, not hundred miles from
Bruffin, in the county of Limerick; and flax,
he forgot his first wife, clean and entirely, and
never told any one but myself, under promise
of secresy, the story ofhis first marriage.
A LARGE HAMMER.-The London correspon.
dent ofthe Philadelphia North American, writes
that Messrs Nasmyth and Gaskill, the celebra-