Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1850-05-17
Cousin sally billiard.

&
miliarly known to many of our readers although it
has never before appeared in the columns OF the
Journal. There are, however, number Of our sub
scribers who probably have never had the pleasure
of hearty laugh it, and having been repeated
ly requested to publish it, now embrace the first
opportunity We have met with of complying with
the request. Cousin SALLY DILLARD would do very
well to re-publish once year.
ScESE-A Court of Justice in South Carolina
A beardless disciple of Themis rises, and thus adj
dresses the Court: May it please your worships,
and you gentlemen of the jury, since it has been my
fortune good bad, will not say) to exercise my
self in legal acquisitions it has never betaen me to
be obliged to prosecute so direfu marked, and ma
licious an ASSAULT more wful violent, dangerous
battery-and finally, more diabOlical breach OF the
peace has seldom happened in civilized country,
and dare say it has seldom been your duty to pass
upon one so shocking to benevolent feelings as this
which took place at Capt. Rices in this county
But you will hear from the witnesses.
The witnesses being sworn two or three were ex-
amined and deposed-one said that he heard the
noise and did not the ght-another that he seen
the row, but didn't know who struck hrst-and
third, that he very drunk and couldn't say much
about the skrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am very sorry gentlemen, to
have occupied your time with the stupidity of the
witnesses examined. 1t arises gentlemen, altogether
from misapprehensiOn on my part Had known,
as now do. that had a witness in attendance who
was we'll acquainted with the circumstances of the
case, and who was able to make himself clearly un
dersood by the court and jury should not so long
have trespassed upon your time and patience. Come
forward, Mr. Harriss, and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, fat cuffy old man,
lcctle'' corned, and took his oath with an air
Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell about the riot
that happened the other day at Captain Rices and
as good deal of time has already been wasted in cir
cumlocution, we wish you to be compendious and at
the same time as explicit possible.
Harris Edzactly-giving the lawyer knowing
wink, at the same time clearing his throat-Captain
Rice he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally billiard she
came over to our house and aXed me if my wife she
moutn't go. told Cousin Sally billiard that my wife
was poorly, being how she had the rheumatics in
the hip, and the big swamp was in the road and the
big swamp up, for there had been heap of rain
lately, but howsomever, as it was she Cousin Sally
billiard, my wife she mout go. Well, Cousin Sally
billiard then asked me if Nose he moutnt go. told
cousin Sally billiard that he the foreman of the
crap and the crap was smartly in the grass; but
howsopever as it was she cousin Sally billiard, Mo-
sey he mout 60
Chops-In the name of common sense MIR. Harris,
what do you mean by this rigmarole?
Witness-Captain Rice he gin treat, and cousin
Sally billiard she came to my house and axed
me if my wife she moutn't 60 l told cousin Sally
Dillard-
Chops-Stop, sir if you please; We don't want to
hear anything about your cousin Sally billiard and
your wife-tell us about the fight at Rices.
L
Chops-WelI sir go on
Witness-Well, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and
cousin Sally billiard she come to my house and
axed me if my wife she moutn't go
Chops-There it is again witness please to stop.
Witness--Well, sir, what do you want +!
Chops--We want to know about the fight, and you
must not proceed in this impertnent story. Do you
know anything about the matter before the court ?
Witness-To be do.
ChOpS-Well, Won 90 on and tell 1t and nothing
else.
Witnsss-Well, Captain Rice he gin a treat
Chops-This is intolerable. May it please the
court, | move that this witness be committed for
contempt; he seems to be triding with this court
Court-Witness you are now before court of JUS
tice, and unless you behave yourself in more be-
coming manner, you will be sent to Jail so begin
and tell what you know about the fight at Captain
Rice's
Witness Charmed -Wen gentlemen, Captain
Rice he gin treat, and cousin Sally Billiard
Chops-I hope this witness may be ordered into
custody.
Court CATER celebrating MIR. Attorney, the
court is of the opinion that may save time by tel
ling the witness to 90 in his own way. Proceed,
Mr.. Harris with your story, but stick to the point
gin treat. and cousin SALLY billiard come over to
our house and axed me if my wife she moutn't go.
told cousin Sally billiard that my wife she was poor
ly being how she had the rheumatics in the hip:
and the big swamp was up; but howsomever' as it
cousin lily billiard then axed me if Nose he moutnt
90. l told cousin Sally billiard as how Nose was
the foreman of the crap and the crap was smartly
in the grass, but howsomever, as it she, cousin
Sally billiard, Nose he mout go. So they goes on
| together, Nose, my wife, and cousin Sally Dllard
and they come to the big swamp, and it up, as
was telling you; but being as how there was a log
across the big swamp, cousin Sally billiard and Mose
like genteel folks, they walked the log but my wife,
like darned fool hsted her coats and waded through
and that's all kne,U about the fight.
Dutch English.
The following account of the examination of Dutchman
in Pennsylvania, clip from the Pennsylvania:
Jacob Feltzger, a middle-aged gentleman of leu
tonic derivation-his apparel we'll incrusted with
dry mud. and his hat looking like collapsed steam
boat cylinder, with the top blown of--was brought
up on the complaint of dry goods man for stealing
piece of corduroy, valued at Sill.
Mayor--Do you .fastay English Feltzger!
Prisoner-Yaw, | talks him foost rate.
M.--Do you know what I" steal - meanse
Paw, him is iron what is made hard.
M.-That is one kind of steel, but not what mean.
Do you understand this; how you to steal that
corduroy
P.-Because mine breaches hicks goot; not
have nothing fit to go to church.
M.-Docs it take thirty yards of stuff to make you
pair of brooches :?
P.-Yaw der schneider must have some for cab
bage and toder what's left mil ht do for mein frau
ven gets married. Dat will make her pettygote.
MI see you are man of foresight; but don't
you know that this way of getting brooches and pet
ticoats is against the law
P.-I hicks care tam for apout ter law WASH
horned upon der Yankee law. Use Tuchman.
M.-Haye you got any friends that will be your
bail!
Plenty of friends, and more tan suppose you