The North-Carolinian. [volume] (Fayetteville [N.C.]) 1839-1861, 1850-04-27
COUSIN SALLY DILIARD.
BY HAMILTON c. JONES, OF n. c..

BY HAMILTON c. JONES, OF n. G..
TWe think it high time that "Cousin
Sally Dillard," Captain Rice and Nose
were again brought to the memory of the
public. We have read and laughed at the
narration at least a hundred times; and
should not fail to enjoy it were it to fail
ScExE-.7 Court Of Justice in s Carohnn.
A beardless deciple Of Themis rises. and
thus addresses the Court: ''May it please
your worships. and you gentlemen of
the jury, since it has been my fortune
(sood or bad. | will not say. to exercise
myself in legal acquisitions, it has never
befallen me to be obi ICED to prosecute so
direlul, marked and malicious an assault
a more wiltu!, violent. dangerous battery,
and finally, a more diaboIca: breach of the
peace has seldom happened in a civilized
country, and dare say it has seldom been
your duty to pass upon one so shocking to
place over at Captain Rice, in this coun-
try. Tut you Will hear from the witness
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and deposed-one said
that he heard the noise, and did not see
the fSht-anOther that he seen the row.
but didn't know who struck frst-and 4
third, that he was very drunk and couldn't
say much about the skrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am very sorry, gen
tlemen, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined.
1t arises, gentlemen, altogethe from mis-
apprehension on any part. Had known.
as | now do, that had Il witness in at
tendance, who was we'll acquainted with
was able to make himself clearly under
stood by the court and jury, should not
so long have trespassed upon your time
and patience. Come forward, Mr. Harris
and be SWORD.
So forward comes the witness, fat,
cuff'y old man, a '.leetle' corued, and took
his oath with an air.
Chops Harris, we wish you to tell all
about the riot that happened the other day
at Captain R'cc's, and as good deal "f
time has already been wasted in circum-
loo ution, we wish you to be compendIous.
and at the same time as explicit as posi-
BILE
Harris-Edzactly-g the lawyer a
knowing wink, at the same time clearing
his throat-Captain Rice, he gin treat,
and Cousin Sally billiard, she came over
to our house and axed me if my wife she
moutnt go. told Cousin Sally billiard
that my wife was poorly, being as how
she had the rheumatics in the hip, and the
big swamp was is the road, and the big
swamp was up, for there bad been heap
of rain lately, but howsomever, as it was
she, cousin Sally billiard, my wife she
mout 60. Well, cousin Sally billiard then
asked me if Nose he moutn't go. l told
, cousin Sally DiIlard that he was the fore
man of the crap and the crap was s,nart'y
in the grass; but howsomeyer, as it was
she, cousin Sally Dillard. Mosey lie mout
go
Chops In the name Of common sense,
Mr. Harris, what do you mean by this rig
maroIe?
Witness--Capt Rice, he gin threat
and cousin Sally Dillar! she came over t.
our house and axed me if my wife she
moutn't go. told cousin Sally Dillard--
Chops--Stop sir, if you please; we Gon''
want to hear anything about your cousin
Sally billiard and your wife--tell us about
the fight at Rice's.
Witness--Well, | will, sir, that is If you
will let me.
Chops-Well sir, go on.
Nitness--WcIl, Capt. RICE he GIN a
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come
over to my house and axed me it my wife
she mouth 60
Chops--There it is again; witness.
please to stop
Witne>s-Nell, SIR. what do you want !:
Chops-We want to know about the
fight, and you must not proceed in this in,-
pertinent stn.y. DO you know anything
about the matter before the court:
Witness-'ro be sure do.
Chops-WelI, you go on and tell it and
nothing else.
Witness-Well, Capt. Rice he gin j
Chops-This is intolerabIe. May IT
please the court, | move that this witness
be committed for a contempt; he seems to
be trfling with this court.
Court-Witness, YOU are now before a
court Of Justice. unless you behave your
self in a more becoming manner, you will
be sent to Jail; so besin aud tell what you
know about the fight at Capt. Rice's
Witness, (alarmed)--Well, gentlemen,
Captain RICE he gin treat, and cousin
Sally Diilard-
Chops-l hope this witness may be order.
ed into custody.
Court, latter deliberating. MIR Attor-
ney, the court is Of the opinion that we
may save time by telling the witness to GO
on IN his own way. Proceed Mr. Harris.
with your story, but stick to the point.
Witness--Yes, gentlemen; well. Cap
tain Rice he gin a treat, and cousin Sally