Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1850-04-18
Peculiarities of Our Granny.
By J. J. HOOPER.

HOOPER.
Every body has Granny at least we never
saw anybody that had not one. They appear TO
be as necessary as parents-else why their uni
versatility In every village, town, city 1--WE
speak now within the range of our own observa-
tion), you will find Granny Jones, or Granny
Smith, or Granny Mitchell, Granny Elliott.
There is no getting along without them Science
has voted them useless-a nuisance! Intelligent
people curl their noses at them We all say,
'your granny :" IN derision or contempt; and
vet there-or rather Eere--they firmly remain,
useful, God-servng, garrulous hand -maldens of
Diana. So we really believe that Gtannies are
part OF the Fitness of things" and that 10 make
upon them, is to strive against nature. We,
for one, are more than willing they should remain;
for we have always found them good old people,
aud they do treasure up the past that with their
queer recollections, and ianciul lege nds they
enabled to beguile most pleasantly the tedious
hours of sick room.
All mankind, and all womankind too, know
what ale the special functions of granny so it
is unnecessary 10 expatiate particularly thereon.
We may say, however, that the practice of our
venerable friends is not restricted, by any means,
10 the principal duty and business OF their lives.
If they preside birlis the natural sympathy and
connection between the extremes of life, brings
them appropriately TO the chambers OF disease
and death.
Kind souls how they languIsh with the sick
And with what reduced and insnuaiing and COM
nisseratiDg accents they recommend their bayb'Iy
root, and balm lea, and ally-cumpane, and multi
tudinuus other domestic nostrums and decoctions
And how miraculous are the cures which these
simpes have effected, under their ''own dear
eyes :"
Our granny is Granny Miichum'-and she
is an exception" (as the saying isl 10 ALL gran
MES. She can Sit up with the sick greater num-
Der of consecutive ighls: walk mo:e lightly
across the floor look wiser; heave deeper sighs
turn up her eyes higher al the wonderful tell the
age Of more people, and the exact color OF more
dresses--Ihan any granny of them all. She ex-
GELS, too, in pdntomme. The sick man is sleep
ing she would not wake him, for the wUrld-but
ii is absolutely necessary that some particular
thing should be done, for his comfort. Straight
way, she catches the eye of the drowsy maid
across the hearth--she points TO the hre-makes a
motion as If throwing on wood--twists her mouth
dreadfully--contracis her brow--siirs an imaginary
cup with her finger--and ends by looking al the
sufferer and giving series of mods. All this
means Git The balm tea, warm II, put some
sugar in it, and hand II 10 he ~ Let Granny
Mnchun alone for communicating her ideas
either with or without the aid OF her tongue And
then she is always SO careful. SHE never treads
on the cats tail causing an hideous squall just as
the baby has dropped off to sleep On the con-
trary, she looks daggers, pokers, and brck-bats
at whoever does and soon our Granny estab.
fishes most wholesome police regulations IN what
soever household wherentO she happeneih lc
come.
Granny Mitchum is short. feshy, SQUAD. True
ALL grannieS are So but in these the strong points
of granny-hood the old soul, to our partial eye
seems remarkable. Her old face is round and
wrnkled, and her eyes are moist; and there is a
mole or wart on her upper lip, concerning which
she relates some very remarkable stories. AS
for her figure, it resembles an egg with the small
end downwards--wlth the trlfing exception thai
toaiSt is made, few inches below her shoulders
by the tight drawing of her apron string. 1t seems
as if the old lady were trying TO cut herself il
TWO: but as il is the way with all grannies, and
as we have never known a among the tribe
of complete dissection, we rather suspect tha
Granny Mitchum will preserve her unity to the
end OF time.
Our Granny has deep-seated horror Of pert
lively young ladies'; even il she were "in at thel
swaihng, she likes them not II is perhaps the
only unamiable trait in her character. There
thai BoIina Eastus-the sassy heifer, that thinks
"some of the greatest fools she ever saw were
amonp the oEdest'-she hain't no use for her, al
ALI. Sicb an awdacious thing, stickin' out bel
mouth and shakin' her shoulders at old people
h's well for her she amt her NANNY Anc
Granny winds up with very uncharltaole ex
preston of opinion about all oo0h-farn' young
ladies.
Granny Miichum has always been the teie
graph of our village and we will do her the JUS
lice to say, that her wires seldom break, and he
posts never are blown down. She is always " II
operation" and if your dispatches are not trans
itted by lightning, they at least 60 ION the wing
of the wind" From house to house speeds oul
granny, delivering her budget, always making the
trp inside of schedule time" and never, in any
weather, or from any accident losing n0n.-
Her intelligence is almost Invariably correct
Once, only, was our granny mistaken, and then
in this wise -
Mr.. Snoderass bad moved in our town, from q
neighboring county in Georgia, and had brought
with him the notion that he was considerably II
advance Of the civilization OF our place lie hao
an idea, which-we hardly know how to express
it-in fact. an idea against Grannies. II wac
wrong $50 all our people thought,) but Sill It was