Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1850-03-27
THE TEST OF AFFECTION.

Mr.. Archibald StanthrOpe-a groggy senllmen-
talst, residing In Buckley street, Philadelphia.
conceiving the narrowing suspicion that his wife
was not as passionatey fond him as lady of good
taste should be- and to put the matter 10 lair trahe
hit on little sratagem, which he put in practice
the other day, with the result hereafter to be de-
tailed. -
He took suit OF clothes and composed an effigy
of himself by stuffing the garment with quantity
OF straw, which had lately been discharged from an
old bed Having suspended the figure to raiter
in the gar7et, 5y means Of piece of clothes line,
he ensconsed himself behind pile Of rubbish In the
same garret, to watch the effect
After while, his little daughter came up after
jumping rope, and caught the glimpse OF the sus-
pended figure. She ran down the stairs screaming,
.'Oh, mother, daddy's hung himself"
"Now for it," thought Archibald, in ambuscade,
FIVE shall have touching scene presently"
chung himself?" (he heard Mrs. Stanhope re-
peat, as She walked lesurely up stairs9 "he hasn't
got spunk enough for such thing. or ne would have
done it long ago. Well, do believe he has done
it, however" she continued, as she came IN view
of Archibad's straw representation. "Moy, Ito
the little girl think he ought 10 be cut DOWN
You had better 90 into the kitchen and get knife,
nv dear but don't 60 down too fast, or you might
fail and hurt yourself. Stay-I Rorgo:-there's no
knife in the kitchen sharp enough. You can 60 a
round to Mr. Holmes, the shoemaker. in Sixth street,
he's only two squares of, and ask him to lend us
his pairing knife tell him TO whet it little before
he sends it. And, Molly, while you are in The
neighborhood, you can call al your aunt Sukey's
and ask her how the baby is. And, Molly, you
can stop at the grocery store. as you come back
get me pound of seven cent sugar. Poor Archy,"
sighed Mrs. s., when her daughter had departed,
81 hope we'll get him cut down before the vital
spark is dss.tinct-or these buryings is very trou-
biesome and cost money. He wants to put an end
to himself too and think ought to let him have
his own way for once in his life; he used TO say
that | was always crossing him: wish ne hadn't
spoiled that new clothes line, though-an ofd rope
might have answered his purpose"
Here voice, which sounded like that OF the sup
posed suicide. broke on Mrs. Stanhope's soliloquy,
with "You confounded old Jazebe, Pll he the death
Of YOU"
Mrs. S. thinking this must ofcourse be ghostly
exclamation, uttered wild scream, and attempted
10 escape down the narrow stair case. Archloald'
starting from his place of conceament, gave chase.
Mrs S. stumbled midway on the flight OF steps
and Mr.. S., having just reached her and MADE a
grasp at her dshevelled hair as it sreamed back
ward the amiable partners were preciplated to the
bottom together.
Both were badly bruised and the cries Of the lady
raised the neighborhood. Archibald was arrested
far making disturbance, and practising on the ten
der sensbIlites of his wife, He was recognized in
5000, and jocularly proposed his suspended effigy
as his securi,y-but, "straw bail" as he found, to
his sorrow, is not acceptable under the adminlsra-
ton of Mayor Jones.-Pennsylrani