The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1850-04-17
HUMOROUS.
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nlA1nRp1e.

There was no denying this.
But at this moment, very respectfully clad
parsonage, who was going down Broadway at
New York speed, topped his hat, and said
this, he was gone, but his words made great
impress on the mind of Bob.
"Who's that" he asked. .....~
. "Don't know his name; he belongs to my
lodge. A very clever fellow
"Your lodge?" he echoed-"You are an Odd
Fellows, them IT..
"Yes!'' .a. ~. .a..
"And "a Son Of temperance
"And Rechabite;" r ~. ~. ....
"And United American Mechanic?'
eyes ~ . b..
Bobs face grew radient.
care your dues paid up?'
ayes; why do you ask" exclaimed Digges,
astonished at the sudden delight OF his friend.
SHOW much do these societies give to a sick
brother? "-' - 1915
"Some three, and some four dollars week"
"What proof do they require of his sickness?"
"The certificate of a respectable physician,
answered Digges.
A pause ensued. Bob seemed to be running
over with superabundance of delight. 4.~
"And with these facts before you, my mis-
guided Digges, you have persisted in the en-
joyment of good hcalth:'
"Never was sick week in my life, only
he paused-ssonly in the pocket . I
Without another word, Bob took the arm of
Digges within his own, led him into neighbor-
ing oyster cellar. Seated within the box, he
closed the curtains, and said, in a tone of great
feeling;-
yonrself You now exhibit all the premonitory
symptoms of bilious attack
"Eh' cried Digges, jumping from his seat
"Your skin is sallow, your tongue furred,
and your eyes feyerish. In an hour, my friend,
you will be in bed, with raging fever. By
night you will be delirious. Tomorrow you
will not be expected to live, and next week.
"Next week." echoed Digges, becoming
PALE.
sNext week" resumed Bob, "you will-are
you listening?-you will draw at least twelve
dollars from these societies. will sign your
certificate. And as you will continue sick
twelve dollars per week for considerable time.
Digges pity you"
At these words the countenance of Dgges
became overspread with mild resignation
He extended his hand. He clutched Bob with
hearty grasp.
ats great deal of sickness to look forward
to, but am resigned You see l am.-By the
bye, Bob, 1 don't feel we'll. s'pose you 60
home with me, and put me to bed?"
1t was quite touching to see how Bob went
home with him and put him to bed.
For twelve long weeks Bob watched night
and day by the bedside. Every one remarked
his devotion. The committees of the various
societies who came with the 'sweekly benefits"
for the sick brother, were delighted with Bob
They spoke of the devotion of the young ply
slcian to their brother, in all their lodges and
divisions. e@-~s-
ssSit down my friends, Bob would remark in
subdued voice, when committee appeared,
sour poor freud fails fast. He has been deliri-
Gus all night Speak low-the least noise dis
turbs him.
And then the committee would sit down in
that darkened room, in the fourth story of
upon the form of poor Digges, who was stretch
ed upon a bed, his cadaverous face appearing
above the edge ofthe coverlet
After few moments they would leave, first
placing in the hands of Bob, the sum due his sick
friend.
And after the committee had left, and gone
down stairs, Bob would give orders that his
patient should not be disturbed. He would
then lock the door. He would then approach
the bed address his patient in these words
"Digges my boy, 'eW you take your toddy hot
To which the patient, finging off the bed
clothes, and jumping out of bed, would res
pond
"TU take it hot, Bob"
N1MRoD's OPIN1oNs.-Some of our Nimrods
opinions are 'werry pecooliar.' For instance, he
is of the opinion, that 'mufs' should be more
common than they are, on account of the great
number of fir trees in the country.
That there are more ant hills that uncle Hills,
on an average of two to one.
That no wood but pitch pine ought to be
thrown fercely into an oven.
That logwood dyes after it is dead.
That one should like spice Tin newspapers)
but not allspice.
That no single statesman ought to go for the
Union
That sponges are living animals, attached not
only to rocks, but to those who have rocks in
their pockets.
That shoe-makers shouldn't make too big a
show.
That crickets and bats are two different crea-
lures, although cricket-bats are common.
That 'sheepshead' can make sheepshed.
That clearinghouse keepers ought not to
give sticks Of timber in their pudding for board
nor boiled flour every day at dinner-pa paste board
is not good board.
COULDN'T CURE HIM.-Eel-tea, and all other
cures for drunkenness that human science ever
devised, were tried in vain on Philander Nichols,
the last-maker. Mrs. Nichols had used some
desperate remedies, such as sleeping large guam
titles of jalap aoes, ipecac, &C., in Fhilander's
grog but he continued to dring with undimin-
ished relish, and the consequences ofthis dosing
system were more troublesome to Mrs. Nichols
herself than they were to Philander, her hus.
pand Being dead drunk every afternoon, with
in half an nour after he began his days jollifca-
ton, $50 rapidly did he pour down the liquor,)
he never felt the slightest inconvenience or un-
pleasant sensation on account of the medicines
he had swallowed AT last Mrs. Nichols be-
thought herself of another plan for making re-.
formed drunkard Of her lord. She engaged a
Waterman, for stipulated reward, to carry
Philander to the watchhouse, while he was vet
in q state Of insensibility, and frighten him a
little when he recoved. In consequence of this
arrangement, Philander walked up about IL o.
clock at night, and found himself lying on pine
bench in dim and strange apartment Rails
ing himself on one elbow, he looked around un-
til his eyes rested on man seated by stove,
and smoking segar. ~. 5.,.. .''', :,
"Where am ~ said Philander. r.... .a#
"!n the medical college" answered the segar-
| smoker. ..--r..,.. :, 0--l. '*
81. -.