The miners' express. (Dubuque, Iowa) 1849-1854, 1850-09-11
A short Patent sermon.

/ shall give you sermon to-day, drawn from
the following text: s..s Il. ',.sf. ~
A lady who before a tub, ....
Is not ashamed to ring or rub;
Or on the floor ashamed to scrub,
And cares not who calls in to see
Her laborng so industriously,
Will make wife for you or me.
MY hearers-it was ordained by heaven--not
oy the devll-that every man should have wife
and every woman be blest with husband. In
the beginning God made two of the genus homo
of opposite sexes. The one he electrified ms.
lively and the other negatively, SO that when
they upproximated, the mystical influence could
be produced from one to the other. The how.
the why, and the wherefore, no mortal has vet
been able to Observation-Disclosures is it necessary
that he should The sexes naturally approach
and form attachments through some mysterious
influence that admits of no solution. Let il suf
flee that it is so. When the creator made AID.
am he saw that it was not good for him to be a.
lone, SO he mesmerised the man-dug a rib from
his side without the least particle of pain-and
from it he made Eve, to be help mate for him,
as we'll as fancy plaything. Now, without
knowing what love was, they could not help low
ing the moment they set their eyes upon one an
other He cast sleeps eyes at her at distance.
and she threw some killing glances in return,
that fired his soul, and set his heart to VIBRATING
like splinter upon chestnut rail in a south
wester. They finally came together Just as ma
turaly as a couple of apple seeds swimming in
a basin of water. But situated as they were at
first, and having little no manual labor TO per.
form-Eve could be of little utility to Adam
and Adam couldn't do great deal for Eve
Still they loved and were ready to assist each
other, in case Of any emergent casualty, and so.
when they found that aprons were necessary.
they sat to, and with the needle worked topeth
er for mutual good. Eve only understood plain
sewing-she knew nothing about your embroi
derry, lace working, and piano playing, and car
ed less about the same. The couple were per-
fectly happy in their rude and roug Oh state, until
.he old sarPlnt got among EN-, and even stuck
to each other through thick and thin-throuph
all the brambling vicissitudes of lifc-from Par
adise to perditon.
MY brethren, since you know that marriage is
divine institution, and that every one of YOU
should have wife, what kind ola rib would
you select? A pretty little useless doll, ora
woman big and spunky enough to wrestle with
u bear and come off first best? imagine YOU
would care nothing for either extreme but YOU
would look for personal charms o YOU foolish
ldolaters at the shrine of beauty-Know YOU not
that hundreds of husbands have been made mis-
cradle by handsome wives, and that thousands
are happy IN the possession of homely ones -
homely without but beautiful within Alas,
what is beauty? 1t is flower that willis and
Wlthers almost as soon as 1t is piucked a tran
slent rainbow, fleeing meteor, a deceitful will
OF the wisp, sublimigated moonshine The kind
OF wife you want is of good morals, and knows
how to mend your pants, who can reconcile peel
ing potatoes with practical or fashionable piety.
who can waltz with the churn dash, and SING
with the tea kcttle-who understands broomolo-
gy, and the true science of moping-who can
knit Stockings without knitting her brows, and
knit up her husband ravelled sleeve of care
who prefers sowing tares with her kneedle, to
sowing the tares Of scandal with her tonoue.-
Such is decidedly better half Take her if YOU
can get her, wherever you find her-let her be
up to her elbows in the suds of a wash tub. or
picking the geese in stable:
WY hearers-my text speaks of a lady before
wash tub You may think it absurd, but let
me assure you that female can be LADY be-
tore the tub or in the kitchen, as much as in the
drawing room or in the parlor. What consti
'utes lady: 1t is not costly dress, paint for
he cheeks false hair, and still falser air: but il
8 the general department, her intellectual en-.
1owments, and that evidence Of virtue which
commands the silent respect and admiration of
he world. She would be recognised as a LADY,
1t once-it matters not where or in what situa.
ION she were tound-whether schorchinp bed
rugs with hot poker, or holering halleluiar at
! methodist camp meeting. All that have
arther to say, fellow bachelor, is, that when YOU
marry, see that you get lady inside and out
me who knows how to keep the pot boiling, and
ooks well to her household So mote it BE-
Dow