The Athens post. [volume] (Athens, Tenn.) 1848-1917, 1850-10-04
For the Athens Post

Mr.. Editor:-Havng had real "sen.
timen,al "spree Of stealing wa.armelons,
have concluded, by your permission, to
give your readers a brief sketch of it,
hoping that i, may convince some Of them
that "honesty is the best policy" whether
practiced for gain or amusement. On MAJ
ture dellberation, and after several years
experience in the cart OF robbing water
melon palches," have come to the con-
clusion that il is abou, as honest to steal
corn or bacon. as walermelons.
A few nights since, four jovial compan.
ions and myself, agreed 10 ",reat ourselves"
to some fine watermelons which grew on
the opposite bank Of Hiwassee, from where
we lived, and with shame confess that
they belonged to poor widow woman!-
After we thought all honest men had retired
to rest, we procured three large sacks, and
full of fun and frolic, set out for the scene
Of action, and scene Of action it turned
out 10 be. We soon arrived al the desired
spot, and to our delight, found lots o! large
delicious melons, which had been planted,
cultivated and kept in oraer by the hands
of homes, industry, while those who we're
now about 10 plunder, carry off and gor-
mandze upon them, had been lettering
about in idleness and dissipation, slipping
their wine and putting their cigars As
these remarks reflect as heavily on my own
conduct, as that of my companions, hope
they will no, he offended at the freedom
take, but like myself, have heartily repented
of their conduct on that and all similar oc.
casons.
But to return: We soon filled our sacks,
and not contented with that, another fellow
and myself hauled off our pants, and cram.
med them chock full. Without taking time
to eat any in the patch. we all shouldered
our loads and carried them, as we thought.
out OF all danger, and then sat down 10 fill
our "bread- baskets" Having eaten until
our abdominal dimensions bore a striking
resemblance TO those of Jack Falstaff
we loaded up again, and when in the act of
starting, man rushed up to US and cried
out "here they are! here they are! shoot!
shoe" !" and bang! bang! bang! went some
of the loudest guns that ever heard -
Old Zack's cannon at 3uena Vista couldn't
have roared louder! If you ever saw a
hawk pounce down on gang of partridges,
you may imagine something Of our con.
fusion and amazement. More dead than
alive, | dropped my stuffed pants, and
made for the river, and IN my flight. fell
in with my shirt tail comrade, and If you
ever saw "hags of peace" flulter in the
breeze, guess we carried them from
there 10 the river; and in imitation of the
"iluslrious Zeke," we split the waves,
and poled for the other bank, where we
soon landed, putting and blowing like
young steamboats,. Our white flags waved
riumphan,ly IN the air until we struck the
water, bu, alas! we could no longer sail
with flying colors, but 10 our modification,
were compelled TO haul them down.
1t was "Nestor's" or some other big
mans shirt. that 1t was said grew to his
back, and the only way that can accoun,
for it on philosophical principles is, .ha,
he had been stealing wa!ermelons, and
then had TO swim the river 10 save his
scalp!
While we were shivering on the bank.
and amenl,ng our desola,e and folorn con-
ditlon-for until then VIZ he'd never known
the value Of a pair Of "brceches"-a friend
came up to US. and pretending to be greatly
astonished at our sad plight, we frankly dis.
closed the whole affair, expressing our iIear
that the remainder of our company were Kill.
led, as we had not seen them since the guns
fired A suppressed litter from the frieLd
who had come up to US so Unexpectedly,
revealed the whole matter! A first rate
joke had been played of at our expense
Some mischievous fellow, finding out that
we were going out on spree, followed US,
and watching his opportunity, fired on US
as above related. The way we made that
fellow ..cut dirt" was q sin to Crockett
Had we caught him. we wouldn't have left
even shirt 10 his back!
As to how our other companions made
their escape with their sacks. am not able
to tell, but they were not killed. as I have
seen them since. but they look like they hsd
been shot at. lam in hotes that they will
give your readers a snst.ering Of the man.
ner in which they conducted their retreat.
that we may see how il compares with the
exploits of the shirt.tail company.
LEAN JIMMY"
Sept. 9Th. 1850.