Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1849-12-27
Advice to am Old Maid.

My dear Miss Taffy, very affectionately said
Mrs Scruggins the other day to particular friend,
i have an idea you wouldn't object to commit,in'
Yourself into Matrimony, purvisoned you had a
good chance. It's no use sayin' you wouldn't
know old maids never want to marry! never
know'd any one of them that said she had any
idear Of such thing. They wouldn't marry for
the world Yet it's straordinary how wonderful
quick they'll jump at the first proposal as is made
at 'em. don't mean to say you would. I'm
talkn now about old maids, and YOU amt more
than thirty-two reckon =
Miss Taffy vowed tha, she was ten years and
two months younger.
Oh, know, but isn't it great pity how you
amt a buxom widder. like myselfl I've often
wondered how it was, that bachelors that amt
afeared of widders; are allays so dreadful fright
ened at old maids After studyin' the thing a
long time, have come to this conclusion; the
blessed state OF sngeness, and therefore, the bles-
sedness OF the single state isn't no bessedness at
all, cause it amt right oughtn't to be. And so
told Mr.. Skindle that it was contrary to the pri-
mary rules of mater, to old maids should be old
maids, and that bachelors should keep on being
bachelors.
Miss Taffy, il you want ever to get married
never let the lords have chance to say you are
old maidish If you are fond of cats, nurse em
when you are by yourself, don't for anything do it
in kumpany. Ifyou take snuff, don't forget your
self, and pull out your box before the lords If
you wear wig, never get in a passion and throw
j, at the servant-cause servants will talk. Ifyou
have get false teeth for goodness sake have them
fixed in tight, so they won't drop out, like | seen
sci once when famine was lauglnn' If you
fond of gossipin' do il in quite kind of way.
If you find any gray hairs beginning to come in
your head, pull EN- out and don't foller Judge Ms
plan 60 TO sperimentin' and burnin' your hair off
to see lift won't cum out black agen and if you are
an old maid-I fervidly hope you ain't-don't pre-
tend to be very nice and prim in your talkin' and
mince your words like little boy eatin' ginger
bread. as If he was feared it would be all gone
and was determined to make the most of it while
it lasts | know'd an old maid once who was so
dreadful nice and particular, she had all the books
about the house covered she couldn't bear TO see
their naked backs. AS Mr. Skindle says in Latin
Honey sa,oit ke male you pensey, which means
evil to them that thinks evil, and say so too
Miss Taffy, you have emmy idear of ever
ketchin' lord never prm yourself up as stiff as
starch can make you. like to see people look
nice, but there is boundary TO everything most.
Why man would as leave court purcupine as
one of them nice femines. Mr.. Skindle ses he d
as leave kiss a statute as one of them kind and |
don't blame him.
If you ever fortunate to get married, Miss
Taffy, you'll find the double state is heap the
happiest i,'s such consolidation to have some
one to please if nothin' else, and then you have
standin' in the world which femines and lords can
never arrive at in state of single blessedness-I
There is three pints in a feminine's life to look
forard TO with dlstressive anxiety; first is the time
when she makes her debut, as the French call
comm out, the second is the marriage, and the
next in, the responsibilities
Miss TaTy tainted.