The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1849-03-28
miscellaneous Items.


eiiiM Mlisfellaneous Items.
s5How TO Treat CURIOSITY Talley-
rand had confidential servant excessive.
ly ydevotedto his interests, but withal su-
perlatiyely inquisilive. Having one day
entrusted him with a letter, the Prince
watched his faithful valet from the window
ofihis apartment, and with some surprise
observed him reading the letter. On the
next day similar commission was conf
ded to the servant, and TO the second let
ter was added postscript couched in fol.
lowing terms: 'You may send verbal
answer by the bearer; he is perfectly &C.
quainted with the whole affair, having to.
ken The precuuiion to read this previous
to ts;delivery.' Such postscript must
have been more effective than the sever.
est reproaches.
The Covington Peoples Friend, does
up marriage notices, 'joint resolutions,"
as calls them, thus:
MARRIED--In Covington, on Wcdnes.
day, the Sd inst, by John Fields, Esq,
Nj. George Galloway to Miss Sally Ann
Bills.
All, ha! George we've found you out at
last. While collecting Bills, up town
you coaxed old Lemuel's Gaza-way to
the Fields, and married her, you did.
We'll publish you in the paper for that,
old fellow! a,
FEMININE OccUPATIoN.-The Town
Clerks of Massachusetts, in making out
the census, find great difficulty in ascer-
tanning the occupation Of unmarried girls
and boys, as required by law, and ono of
them writes to the Secretary thus: "My
vocabulary is not extensive enough to ex-
press in single word the occupation Of
unmarried young ladies. Can't do better
than to set it down--preparation for mat
Simony!"
AN HONOR TO HIS MoTHER.-sJohn,'
inquired dominic ofa hopeful pupil, what
is nailor?'
1sOne who makes nails said John.
Very good. What is taior2'
Zone who makes tails
'Oh! you stupid fellow" said the domi.
ME, biting his lips, % man who makes
Yes MASTER returned John, if, the tail
or did not put tails to the coats he made,
they would be all jackcts!!'
SIT down, John, you're IN honor 10
your maternal parent.
san old man." complains that boys
come to see his dariers, but say nothing
about marrying them-this he does moi
ilke-he says, "gals must get husbands
when they are young, if ever they get
them!' and therefore, 'those felers who
have no notion Of being married, no bust
ness to take up the gals time for nothing,
and thereby keep better boys away" :
Too SMARr.-The other day, one of
widow BIS. admirers was complaining of
the tooth ache. Mrs. BIS. smart boz imme.
diately spoke up
"Well, Sir, why don't you do as ma
doesY She takes her teeth out and puts
'em back whenever she wants to-
A few minutes afterwards the boy was
whipped on some pretence or other.
A little girl meeting countryman with
a load of slaughtered swine, dropped a
curtesy. The rustic laughed without re.
turning the civility, "What," said he, edo
you curtesy TO dead hogs?"
"No, sir" replied the little miss, 81 curt
sled to tho ive one"
No TIME FOR QuARTEns.-.-A High.
lander, whose regiment having been sur.
rounded, had cut their way out with the
broad sword, with loss of half their
number, being the last in retreating, was
stopped by forward Frenchman return.
Ing from the pursuit, who charged with
his bayonet, but soon finding the disad-
vantage ofhis weapon cried out "quor,er"
"Quarter yea" said Donald, s:py my
soul l'fe nae time to quarter We; maun
cen be contentit TO be cut in twa!'' max.
ing his head fly from his shoulders.
AN irishman came into possession of
nve soyereigns, and not wishing to spend
them, went toa pawnbroker's, and pawn.
ed them for ten shillings.
why is man without legs like an oven
bargain? Because there is nothing 10
boot. # " "o''''"s !"
WHY'S a cheese like iail? Because
we are glad to find it uninhobited.
p.sny is q sting man like birds foot?
Because he has no soul. '00''
Why Is a5chicken pie like p,nsmi,b,s
shopf because il contains fowj.in. pieces.