The freeman. (Fremont [Ohio]) 1849-1850, 1849-11-10
The SDo;Ied .Jokc.


danbd for the enjoyment of each others society,
than Old Squire Swipes and jos Barker. Indeed,
: had they only been of opposite. sex, they would
e have formed matrimonial alliance which peace
and happiness would have been heralded to the
world as an anomaly of welded life.
The Squire was one those good-natured souls
always to be found lettering about the village hotel
drinking gin-toddes and listening all the village
gossip afioat his chief delight however, was to
hearken to the 'mirth- moving jests of his friend
Joe. who was something of wag, and author OF
all the practical Jokes that perpetrated IN our
village, and it was equally pleasant to doe to re-
late them; hence the intimacy that existed between
the two friends But Notwithstanding the high
esteem in which Joe held his venerable friend,
it did not prevent his selling him occasionally;
but this you must understand, was only when he
could get no other subject in which case the Squire
always joined the laugh at his own expense, declar
ing joke to be as pleasant on himself as upon an
other. $40
Upon the night to which my story relates some
ak or eight Of US were comfortably seated around
the bar-room stove enjoying our half common cg
arss' when Joe made his entrance, after pretroc-
ed absence to eighboring town of taoo days.
We win pass over the numerous kind greetings
and hearty welcomes which he received, when a
midst the torrent of questions and answers, the
Squire made himself heard With Any fun whilst
you was gone, Joe?' =e..,z-,.
.Y-e-ss was Joe's hesitating reply; came very
near having good one on Chris Blurt-but-
didn't work right-got spoiled s~I g "Ll--
Spoiled Whst?-how q eagerly demanded the
Squire e.s- .as .l. .l
s&Well, III tell you : and Joe, having provided
himself with one Of the aforementioned cigars Tin
Western Ohio think they call them Mundy's
best adjusted his chair against the wall, and pro-
ceeded with his story:
You see went down to Scrigginsport on pur-
A.. - 4. ,-l
found that he had gone out to uncle Bill Blakes
You know Chris is after one of the girls. Well
knowing that he wouldn't be back till long in
the short hours when the landlord wanted to shut
up Iwalked up stairs into Chris room, and got in
to bed knew theRays of the house-back door
slways left open for the benefit of tate boarders-
So making calculation for some rare SPORT / Goa
ciuded would be Dutchman in Chris bed by
mistake bIped which you know Chris abhors Oh !
: Squire. had it all planned beautifully About
two o'clock would be awake, and hear him open
the back door and come creeping up stairs in the
dark I lay perfectly quiet only snoring as loud as
Juvenile thunder until he gets into the room,
when Iraised up Just as though the noise of the
door walked me, and sing out as much ike Hans
Deihieh, the Dutch F.agedriyer' as could;
@.Eh?' says Chris es (, tz5--a ......a-f +:
=" Coast tu tsisekf -
"dConstancc who?'
q Vot you vdats in name foona ed
Your room Its my ROOM
Ma tosh ish mine room; vat you wants here
thinks. you come steal mine gelt-I thinks you
un teuyfel robber.' - .,...t .,y ~.
i.i why you darn'd Dutch fool this is my roon.'
roars Chris with rage
sHos soes sss--ich seine und eh bin tarn
teitca fool and suting the action to the word,
spring UP. and catching hold of big cane
which stood at the head of the bed makes at him
At the first lick misses Chris but knocks look
ing-giass that hung against the wall into fifty
thousand pieces At this Chris takes TO the door,
but in his hurry oyerturns the wash-stand, and
smash 90 the pitcher and basin on the floor, whilst
Chris takes run and jump down stairs. just as
/ got to the room door, two ladies all dressed up
IN achite, rush out of the next room, screaming
'murderP at the top of their voices, having been
awakened BY the smashing of the crockery. In
fact the whole house was in an uproar, and all the
dodgers rush into the passage shouts of what's the
matter p FIRE! thievesF robbers! murder = whilst
to help the matter, sing out, in supplicating
tone of voice-Jor Heavens sake don't Shoot'
= This produces change in the performance
Impressed with the idea that firearms were about
to be used, and not knowing in the dark which way
they were pointed, and fearing for their personal
security some threw themselves down on the floor
whilst others betake themselves to their rooms
again. At this stage of affairs, the landlord ap-
pears with light closely followed by Chris, who
is giving him Hail Columbia for putting that big
Dutchman in his bed. With the light came a more
general understanding of how things stood Some
gentlemen, who, to escape from the expected dis
charge of pistolsh got into the wrong rooms
conducted back to their own denied all partci-
patton in the matter affirming that it all occurred in
the room adjoining, but appearances were very
much against me, for upon inspection, the broken
glass, wash-bowl and pitcher are found in my
room, whilst the room adjoining is occupied by the
aforesaid ladies' who were actually mad at the part
they had been made to act in the play 4
"And now,' said Joe, after the laugh of the
Squire had partly subsidized, wasn't it too bad to
have 50 good trick spoed" = ...-.~. z
g ~Spoiled-how spoiled? eagerly inquired the
Squire.
"Why, was telling you, got it all arranged
when went to bed, Just as I was telling YOU
utChris the eonfounded fool set up sOih tie girls
all night and didn't get home till next morning
after breakfast which of course Knocked the whole
thing into pi Wasn't it to bad ?''
For moment the Squire, who had been all at
tention before, looked at joe as if not exactly com
pretending the whole matter, and then, with his
usual presence of mind, turned to the bar-keeper,
and with becoming gravity observed-"Toddies
for the crowd, SAM [SYKEs,
SMARTWEED-An intelligent writer in the Mass
achusetts Ploughman, recommends that the Smart