Republican vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1857, 1849-08-20
MISCELLANEOUS.
A COOP STORY.

Old Col w, formerly we'll known char
acter in one of our eastern cities, was remarkable
for bu, one passion out of the ordinary range of
humanity, and that was for buying any lot OF
trumpery which came under the head of 'smiscel-
laneosls for the reason that it could not be clas
sifed Though close listed in general, he was
continually throwing away his money in fves and
tens on such trash. In this way he had filled all
the corners in his dwelling and cut houses with
collection of nundescript articles Mat wonld have
puzzleda philosopher to tell what they were made.
for, or to what use they could be put. This, how
ever, was secondary consideration with the Col.
for he seldom troubled his head about such articles
after they We're fairly housed Mot so with his
wife, however, who was continually demonstrating
against these purchases which served only to elut
Ter I'D the house and as food for the mirth of the
domestics, Gut the Col. though he often submit
ted to those circumstances of his better half, could
not resist the passion--and SO he went on adding
from week to week to his heap Of miscelanies =
One day while saunlering down the street, he
heared the rich full tones of the auctioneer, and of
course stepped in to see what was being sold On
the floor he perceived collection which looked
as il it might have been puroined from the garnet
Of some museum, and around which motley group
was assembled while on the counter stood the
portly auctoneer, in the very height Of mock in
dlonant refaonstrance with his audience.
..Nine dsllars and ninety cen!sl" cried the auc-
toneer. s.Genflemen il is shame, it is barbarous
to stand by aud permit such sacrifice of property!
Nine dollars and plnety-Good morning, Colonel!
A magnificent lot of--ei--ANTlaUE s-and all go
inc for niue dollars and Einety cents. Gentlemen
you'll never see another such lot and all going
going-goii.g fer nine dollars and ninety cents
Col. W., can you permit sach sacrifice 2"
The Col glanced his eye over the lot, and then
with nod and wink assured him he could not.
The next instant the hammer came down, and the
purchase was his at ten dollars a. the articles
were to be paid for and removed Immediately, the
Colonel lost no time in getting cart, and having
seen every thing packed up and on their way to
his house, he proceeded to his own store, elluckng
within himself that NOW, at least, he had made
bargain at which even his wife couldn't grumble.
In due time the Colonel was sitting at the din
ner table, when lifting his eyes he observed cloud
on his wife's brow. ..Well, my dear ?" said he
enquiringly .Well 2" repeated his wife sit is
NOT well, MrW. am vexed beyond endurance.
You know c., the auctioneer % Certainly
replied the Colonel. ''and very gentlemanly per.
son he is too' '.You may think So" rejoined
the wife, "but don't, and will tell you why
A few days ago gathered together all the trum
perry with which you have been cluttering the
house for the last twelve months, and sent it to
him with orders to sell the lot Immediately to the
HIGHEST bidder for cash. He assured me he would
do SO in all this week farthest, and pay over the
proceeds to my order. And here have been con
graduating myselfon Two things; first, on having
got rid OF most iDtoerable nuisance; and second
", onIeceiving money enough therefor to purchase
that new velvet hat you promised me so long ago.
And now what d. you think2 This morning, a
bout an hour ago, THE achole load came back again
,uithout ,cord Of eaplanatio,t!" The Colonel
looked blank for moment and then proceeded to
clear up the mystery. But the good woman was
beside that in the hands of the auctioneer,
diton however that she should never mention it,
Of course she KEEP: her werd!