Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1849-04-07
From the New York Observer.
ARTILLE1Y IN THE SANCTUARY.
ado YOU mean Guns rs

81 have heard that our Pilgrim Fathers
carried their firearms with them to their
places OF worship, SO as to be ready for
their Indian foes; but as for guns in our
modern sanctuaries, never dreamed of the
thing"
Well, there is no dream about this-cer-
tainly there then is no dreaming when these
explosions take place.
"But you don't say they fire them off in
church %
Yea, my friend, even in prayer or SER
mon-time
"And all this in this land ~
Verify, in this land; and in some of our
most respectable congregations too.
"Well am confounded"
And most certainly you would be, if
you were to be as near one of those pieces
of artillery as have been while in church
when it exploded.
But | perceive that | must explain
Well, you know that the human face di-
vine has handle-a nasal promontory-a
nose, you know. And people carry it
with them to church. Only now and then
case to the contrary. And some people
pay attention 10 it, when they get it there
aye. very great attention. 1t scemsas if
some had not done much with it during the
week, and in sense had saved up their
doing for it till that very convenient and
leisure time, public worship. And then
they take hold of the thing in earnest. And
then they are great guns, and no mistake.
There isa captain of this species of artillery
OF my acquaintance. He is blessed with a
piece of this kind Of ordnance of rarrst en-
dowmcnt in regard to the massive grandeur
OF its report. 1t is always with him at
church, and when he pulls out that red
pocket handkerchief, and claps it upon his
face, know ye that the pillars of the temple
are about to tremble. The captain not sell
dom reaches this climax of his glory in SER
mon-time. The preacher must ''ietch up
as a matter of course, till the explosion is
over. And our preacher has got the hang
OF the thing so well that, on certain signals
being visible, he lets the gospel trumpet he
is blowing drop, pro tempore, and resumes
when the reverberation is over. | do not
know but the captain thinks the sermon
needs touch, now and then, of this kind
of thunder, 10 supply the speakers lack of
! emphasis and so he hands him over clap
or two in every discourse.
Besides the emphatic aid given the speak
er as above referred to, there is another ad-
vantage which / must name. The dogs,
you know, in not few places, especially
in the country, think they have as good a
right to attend church as anybody, and on
the ground, likely, that they can get as
much good as many that do 20. One of
these, and he was none of your nervous
and ricketv ones that have to lean against a
mullen to bark, came into our sanctuary.-
And having looked about to his satisfaction,
and having illustrious example, adjusted
himself for snooze, as he saw other peo-
pie doing. Poor fellow! he lay down in
unconscious proximity to the artillery cap
tain. The regular time came for an eXplo-
sion. And such waking up no quadruped
ever got before. On his feet in moment,
that he was: and, with an unearthly cry OF
terror he fled. 1t seemed as if, in the hor-
ror of his heart, he would have shot clear
out of his skin, which the captain might
have picked up as trophy believe the
creature has done attending public worship
AT least he comes not to our place, and ]
don't wonder.
But the captain has a formidable rival
| Uncle Zadok is worshipper in our church
He is man of large specific gravity and
with great nasal power. The captain ex.
plosions are voluntary but here is .rum-
peter, who blows only as notion gives hin
a Jog. But he can sNEEzE in notes of ter.
rible ,sublimity Our sanctuary can testif,
to that. Now body may sneeze, an,
with a little Kindness and courtesy to tht
preacher, iellow-worshippers, &C., ma,
mulllc and smooth the matter, so that
peaceful sleeper by ones side would not bt
in the slightest disturbed. But Uncle Ia
dok does not understand this. And wher
he does operate in this line, it is none o
your meek and quiet things which hav,
been Suilocated and pretty nearly died un
der pocket handkerchief. 1t is a ful
blast, and the whole temple responds By
echo to its power. | have not seen th
pastering fall yet, but have thought th
windows did sometimes rattle, though, mer
citully no glass has been hitherto broken
Since | am upon this topic l will just sa,
. also, that we have some lighter artillery
which helps 10 fill up the gaps between tn
Captains and Uncle Zadok's operations
Whether they have caught the key note Q
those performers, or operate on their owl
hook, cannot say, but we have those VIII
can COUGH to the satisfaction of any kim
of ears, even the longest that were eve
brought into tie sanctuary. They nigh
hush the matter up, il would seem, SO tha
they should scarcely know anything of il
, But they have not yet reached such poin
of courtesy and seli-denial therefore d
;, we know that we have at least the left win
of the army to which the Captain and "a
dok belong. a.
Snow, il is not to be denied that, in vie,
of all these facts, our preacher has no sma
difficulty to steer sermon through such
sea and not have some parts of it lost. TIL
, Captain is likely to nuilify' sentence q
two, and Uncle Zadok takes off the wing {
the leg of a'paragraPh, and the small arm