Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1849-04-06
DODGING A MILITIA FINE.
BY THE YOUNG 'UN.

In days gone by when the Objectionable mill.
tia laws were in force in old Massachusetts, the
customary draft was made in country towE a
few miles from Boston and notice TO ''appear,
armed and equipped according 10 law" was al
the boarding house of wag who possessed very
little martial Emusic" in his soul. Determined
that he would neither strain" ncr pay a fine,
and entertaining wiIhal a very Indifferent opn-
ion Of the utility of the system, he look no no.
tice of the summons.
Having been duly "warned," however, as he
anticipated, at The expiration Of a few weeks,
the sergeant waited upon him with bill of nine
shiIlings, for non-auendance at the muster.
you're fined, sr-nine Shillings-non.ap.
pearance."
"What is il" said the wag, pretending to
misunderstood the collector.
"Fine for not training" baw'ed the other.
"Sha'nt pay it fellow"
alt will be three dollars, next time CALL"
But the wag co1ldfr hear word he said }and
in the course Of another month he received a
PeremPIory summons 10 appear forthwith at a
court martial in the district, instituted for the
purpose OF trying delinquenls, and collect such
fines as could be scared out Of the non. perform.
ers of duty. Having fixed upon final plan to
dodge the issue, at the appointed hour he wait,
ed upon the court, 10 show cause if any he had,
why he should'n. willingly have toted musket
and knapsack about the town for twelve moral
hOurs-and otherwise perform the legal annual
duties of a live patriot"
He was ushered into the court room mmedi-
aIely-which was held in q country-house where
he discovered some three or four persons seated
atIlred in flashy regimentals, and whose awful
"ydilef cpoletls" alone were sufficient TO COM
mand the respect and attention of The profound
est beholder. Though somewhat disconcerted
at this unexpected exhibition Of spurs and but
tons, he put bold face on the matter. and re.
sponded 10 the directions of the junior member
Of the august court; he advanced to the table
and the chief luncHonary commenced the exam
ination.
"Your name, sir!"
The offender placed his hand quickly to one
side Of his head. without uIterng word oil
moving muscle 10 his face
"Wha.is your name!" repeated the question
er. in a loud tone.
"A little lOuteT," said the wug without reply
ing.
"NaMe'" shouted the judge.
"Taunton, Bristol county,"
"WhaI business do you folIow?"
"MaIn street," said the delinquent.
"Your business" yelled the officer.
"Right hand side as you go up"
"How long have you been iherel"
"About two miles and haif!"
"How old are you, fellowl" continued tn
Judge nervously.
"What is The matter with your earsl"
"Doctor Scurpa's oil sometimes"
"What sir!"
"SomeIimes Cure ems ointment.
"Why don't you answer mel"
"Nearly FIVE years."
"He's as deaf as an adder" remarked tn
Judge, turning around to his subordinales, carr
esly-"clear the lubber QUIT"
You are not liable to perform military duty
said the secretary with his mouth close to tn
wag's ear.
L ~ know that" said the fellow cooIly.
"His hearing improves" ven.ured the sci
| Igean,,., -.
Il "Whas do you suppose We sithere forl" asl
led the Judge, in loud voice, at last.