Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, IA [i.e. Ind.]) 1839-1854, 1849-01-10
From the Genera Cdzeffe.
THEY CAN'T FOOL ME.
Suspicion 10 heavy armour. and
us,: "a - . ..;~hs ;,nnsdea ma more

Billy Kcene's peculiar boast was The
inter iInpossibility Of being hoaxed, or in
his expressive phraseoloyy, fooled! They
can't fool mel was ever at his tongues
end. and 80 evident were his attempts to
;mpress this fact upon all with whom he
had ANYTHING 10 do, that he not unfre-
ouenfIy made fool Of himself!
Billy always made point in express
inc his disbcliefin everything, however
plausible, that reached his ears. which by
The way, were exceedingly easy Of access
not being more than five feet two inches.
from the ground, when their owner stood
spon his feet.
Suspicion was always 'onc idea, in his
mind; he suspected everybody ofsome a
bostivc design to gull him--from the most
respectable friend, down to poor old Isaac,
Who had no more idea Of a practical
Joke, than a polar bear might have Of a
baby.jumper.
Billy was not naturally hard-hcaded.
but he was so suspicious, that he turned
twenty beggars from his door, where he
relieved the necessity Of one. In vain
was the imploring eye raised, and the
wasted hand extended for aims. The
moro pitcous story, the more evidently
was il to him a hoax. 1T all sounds very
piliful,' be would cxclainl. but I've seen
too much Of the world-I've heard too
much such stufr-its no use-you can't
fool mel and the wrctcicd mcndicant was
compelled TO seek in other quarters for
that charity which believcth all things
which thinkeih no evil.
Billy was once married. but it was a
long time before he was fooled in the
state of double blessedness, vet (as he
himself has often acknowledged he often
met with irbreadtI escapes, before he
was finally hooked. We recollect his
BOOSTING once, during his Dictatorship,
that Emma b., the only daughter Of a
neighboring merchant, was endeavoring
10 ensnare him into the matrimonial moose.
lie was making the boast to his particu
lar friend, 'other people don't notice it,
said he, but it is as plain as day TO me-
She thinks don't notice her, ha! ha! she
can't fool INC! Folks say her father will
give her cool ten thousand; humbug! IL
she's got the spoons why should she be SO
anxious to get into my good graces! that's
the question. She's rather pretty to be
sure, but wonder if she thinks that be-
lievc her complexion and teeth natural!
Guess she'll find amt quite SO verdant
a. she thinks am. No sir, she can't
fool mel
Billy accompanied these words with a
sly wink Of peculiar expression. and gave
no little cause Of astonishment to his
friend. who, for reasons best known 10
himself, was aware that the Young lady
was innocent Of any such intention as
Billy imputed to her Billy was no less
astonishcd the next day, at hearing of the
marriage Of his friend, early next morn.
ing. with the identical Emma b., whose
ten proved fifteen thousand, and whose
personal charms were all natural .maugre
Bills suspicious. His friend found in
Emma lovely, devoted wife, while he,
still wrapped in his heavy armour re-
manned "A bachelor.
But at length, as we have already told
you, our hero was married. How any
mortal daughter Of Eve managed TO foo
him into a union, is now. and ever mus
remain, to us. a profound mystery. We
arc certain. however. that he was married
for we find him at fifty a widowcr, with an
only daughter, a beautiful girl of eighteen
Our worthy friend was proud of his
daughter Mary, and well indeed he nigh,
be; for she had a sweet lovely face, and
faulilcss form, and there was a world Of
mirthfulncss and mischief in her spark
ling black eyes. Nor was it strange tina,
others should love her, besides her suspi-
cious old father. who couldn't be fooled
There was village rumor, (and we can
not deny that Madame Rumor, for once
told the truth. Of n warm attachment be.
tween Mary and Edward Seymour. a
young merchant Of the ncighborhood, OF
whom every body spoke in the highest
terms Of praise All commended his
good nature, frankncss and ability; but as
Billy always stemmed the current ofpub
lie opinion. he had the penetration to per
ceive that these laudcd virtues were al
moonshine; that in their estimation o
Seymour, the world were all wrong, anC
50 he obstinately opposed the contempla
ted union. lie was memorable, and final
ly Mary. out Of respect to him. yielded ar
apparent compliance to his wishes. and
Scymour's visits and commune ations
with her were DISCONTINUED; and though
she tried to appear as mirthful and happ,
rs ever. yet her heart was i'll at ease, ant
her imprisoned love would betray itself il
every look and action.
At length Edward, whose hope neve
died. laid plan for possessing himsel
ofMary's hand-in fact the desperate an,
almost hopeless project Of fooling old Bill
ly Keen, did succeed! Have patience
reader. and you shall hear all.
One sultry July afternoon. pale face,
young gentleman whom Billy remember
cd to have seen in the street, but witt
whom he had no acquaintance, called a
his house, and requested to see him i'm
mediately 'on important business II,
was shown by Mary into the parlor, an,
our hero soon entered.
The Pale-faced young gentleman in
troduced himself, and then stated the Oh
ject Of his visit. Il have an unpleasar
disclosure to make, Mr.. keene, which i
Of the greatest importance to you, and I
the happiness Of your daughter. You ar
OF course aware that Edward Seymou
has succeeded in making his friends be
ieve that he has given up all hone. :