Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1849-04-07
DODGING A MILITIA FINE.
HY TILE YorNG 'rN.

the people. SIMON.
DODGlNG A MILITIA FINE.
by THE Young 'UN.
In days gone by, when the Objectionable
militia laws were in force in old Aiassachu-
sets, the customary draft was made in
country town few miles from Boston, and
a notice to ''appear, armed and equipped,
according to law," was left at the boarding.
house of a wag who possessed very little
martial ''music" in his soul. Determined
that he would neither "train'' nor pay a
fine, and entertaining withal, very indf-
ierent opinion of the utility of the system,
he took no notice of the summons.
Having been duly ''warned," however,
as he anticipated, at the expiration of few
weeks, the sergeant waited upon him With
a bill Of nine shillings, for non-attendance
at the muster.
"Iou're fined, sir-nine shillings-non-
appearance"
"What is it ~ said the wag. pretending
to misunderstood the collector.
"Fine for not training" bawled the
other.
"Sha'nt pay it, fellow
at will be three dollars next timeI CALM
But the wag couldn't hear word he
said, and in the course OF another month he
received peremptory summons to appear
forthwith at a court-martial in the district,
instituted for the purpose Of trying dalin-
quents, and collecting such fines as could
be scared out of the non-per!ormers of
duty. Having fixed upon final plan TO
dodge the issue, at the appointed hour he
waited upon the court, to show cause, If
any be had, why he shouldn't willingly
have toted musket and knapsacll about
the town, for twelve mortal hours-and
otherwise perform the legal annual duties
of live patriot!'
He was ushercd into the court room. i'm
mcdiatcl (which was held in an old coun-
try-house, where he discovered some three
or four persons seated, attired in llashy re-
gimeataIs, and whose awful .yaler epo.
letts'' alone were sufficient to command the
attention and respect Of the protoundest be-
holder. Though somewhat Disconnected at
this unexpected exhibition of spurs and but
tons, he put bold face on the matter, and
responded to the directions of the Junior
member OF the august court he advanced
TO the table, end the chief functionarv COM
menced the examination.
"Your name, sir %
The offender placed his hand quickly TO
the side of his head, without uttering a
word, OF moving muscle in his face.
"What isy your name ?" repeated the ques-
toner, in loud tone.
"a little LOUDER" said the wag, without
replying.
SHAME ?" shouted the Judge.
Taunton, Bristol county"
''What business do YOU follow ~
"Alain street," said the delinquent.
"lour business" yelled the officer.
"Right hand side as you go up"
'How long have you been there" ?"
"About two miles and half"
'How old are YOU, fellow ;" continued
the judge, nervously.
'Boss carpenter"
"What's the matter with your ears ~
doctor Scarpa's oil, soinetimes-"
''Whai, sir ?"
| "Somelime Cure'elnS ointment"
'Why don't you answer me %
"Nearly five years"
''He's as deaf as an adder" remarked the
judge, turning around to his subordinates
earneStly-''clea- the lubber out ~
"You are not liable 10 perform military
duty" said the secretary, with his mouth
close to the wag's ear.
81 know that" SAID the fellow, coolly
"His hearing improves" ventured tn,
sergeant.
! "What do you suppose we sit here for p
asked the Judge, in loud voice, at last.
ga dollar and half day." said tn
prisoner.
"He may go, Nh. Sergeant"
"You can CO." said the under-otfeer
pointing to the door. But our friend too
no notice of the order.
"fon may CO." yelled the Judge. SIS
possible man can be as deaf as all that !.
81 can't say" continued the delinquent
pretending not to understand, yet-"but
should think"
$50 go :" screamed the Judge :
"there's nothing to pay. The Lord pit
the general who had regiment like you L
command! Show him the door, major,
and our hero soon found himself at liberty
He was never summoned again to train, d,l
ring his residence in Taunton.
TnEPArERs tell us that adventurers are go
ing .focks to California, This is the wa,
Ia Boston paper remaks) in which geese al
Six THoussSD shad were recently caagh
near Edenton, \. C., al a single hauling o