Wisconsin tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1847-1854, 1849-03-23

regular "Ihe damd humbug' said Doctor
SALTWATER 'syou must stop him, [ can do
nothing for this man until have removed the
| trash from his stumik," then pukeiD cum
menced, the Sc disorder is nothing compared
to it. They say you'd thought it was the
streem. cummin out of Blacks garding when
God made - of it, so plentiful were the
| YARDS and roots. Then commenced course
| of ground charcoal, washed down with an UNI
menshunabIe likuid, with beedin until at last
the poor feller's blood was perfectly black and
salty. his original complaint was havein ct too
much by axident; but the name of the di ease
that he died of has never been korectly ascer-
tanned.
A post naortum was held, and Doctor RooT-
JUICE sed that sit was the .4rao1natoriu7n that
is predomenating INSTRUMENTATION of the cor
ruptable gastic juices fiewids and solids of
animal food In contra iuxtaposition to the be-
nign influences and gravetateing powers of
veiitable diet; and it was further his opinion,
that if the applicashun of the veiitable medi-
sins had continued, they would have produced
refiuctuation and restored helth. His opin-
ion was founded on the well substanshated
theory that man was properly speekin veil
table, removed in the fifth degree from the
mushroom and sixth cusin to the toad stule.''
+ think that the doctor must have disected
himself too closely In his investigashuns.
Va it'll such a subject and such data, even wis
er heds wood have cum to the same conclu-
shun.
Doctor SALTWATER sed that sit was Vejita-
loruna ct bioodorf6tss prodonainatum, that IS,
that the vejitable medesins had been decom-
posed by the asids and CLANS of the stumik,
into likuids and solids, the colering matter of
the red root had colered the former and produ-
ced an overwhelming predominashu of vejita-
bic blood, SCIENTIFICALLY speekin srIagun1
from the latin vurb doceo, to bleed. That the
solids, solidus, had reorganitated into their
former erthy Recommendation, and the natural
beet of the sturnik had produced UejitatOrum
or velitashun, and that as jeometrical conse-
quence, several species of doctor Rootuices'
! YARDS, were at that time sproutin In the pa
shents stumick; and that as sum of them had
probably alredy takein root in the outer coats,
and probably In the liver and lungs; the ap-
plicashun of urdnunn saltwater, was abso-
| lutely rel1uisite, to kill the veiitashun. That
the red root had made an unconjeenyal blood
oribus, which had to be removed with powder
/ ed charcoal-and replaced with the natural
sdngun composed of urinuns and later pulls
or brick dust. Had he ben first called on,
before the course of Rootjuice had weakened
the pashent, he would have ben able TO have
drawed out the old blood and replaced it with
new, thus restoring saIttsttna or helth."
Doctor DIoRHEA, was of the opinion ''that
/ it was h0SSifrigeration, that Is, the pashent
/ being digger, had inhaled the dust, from the
/ latin advurb trGid, until his liver had turned
/ into mineral from the greek noun boar. 1t
was his opinion that the proper treatment for
such cases was frekuent doses of beef and
/ beer. beef liver would be preferable, its te-
nashus powers wood mock, from the latin vurb
shat, the hossified liver into bits, and supply
! his place with a new one. Beer from the
/ frensh partisiple hale, was the most human
izeing rectifier of the blood, and wood in ali
eases if taken in time restore ehuiHbriuna,
( from the greek pTenoUn eth" Doctor ID. also
stated that he was pTeparln a book on ''the
relafige merit of beef and beer.' and a new
medisin which he had invented, to be called
s'DIoRHEA's Pastry PILLs"-they are to way
three pounds EACH and one is TO be a DOSE
Doctor MAGNETHEAD, called it ''the mag
netononpreUento, he sed ''that his very great
! experience as an NJ. d. particularly qualified
him to understand this case. He did not
+ Judge parshaly frum having red but one of the
great theories of medisin, for he had red and
practised all the sistems that had appeared frum
the time of julius Sezur |, down to julius Sc
EUR II, and he was positively sertin that all
but the one he now practised were humbugs,
it was the only sistem by which he had ever
cured pashent He had tried as by as sew
enteen courses on the same subject within five
days, such as the Sangrado sistem of bleedin
and hot water, the Toms0nian of swetin, the
Pilfordonian Of a little of every thing, the
Lu.hburonian of charcoal and urinum, the
Homopathetic, the Cornishorum of beef and
beer, the Mineralonium of calomel and kui-
nine, &c. and tho he had at one time got down
thirteen pounds one OF. of these different med
isins, by wait, still they had not produced an
opperashun; and the combined powers Of all
the sistemS he had ever heard of had failed to
cure the simplest cases, such as he'd ache,
belly ache, rurnatism, fever and ague, and
slight bilius fever; in all these the malady
had overpowered the medisin, and produced
what is called nortis or deth. His present
practise was founded on the well substanshia-
ted theory that man was an electric battery
(see Hugo & Perry on Mesmerism, volume
XVI, page 350) that morbum or sickness was
nothin more than cessation of the fluid, which
Good be supplyd artifshaly. This was what
the present pashent should have had applied
either In person or by proxy by means of the
battery or rings" Doctor NJ. is also pre-
pareing book, the title of which is to be,
''Jfagneihend on the HeHtiing poeyer Of eieetri-
cisna, tcit sum hints on an inre1lshu tchfch IS
TO greUem aeth )" it sounds rich.
Doctor ScALPEL: '.dident believe in foolin
he believed that the diszeese was dishumGnf-
1Gshun, that Is, that the sistem had raddikaly
changed, all except the rite leg which was
stronger than the rest, and produced the dis
humanizashun and the sistem could not be re-
stored TO It's proper funcshuns and equilibrium
without sawin the leg off; if this course had
ben taken at the start the pashent would have
recovered, but as it was the strong leg wur-
ried the body from corpus, to slznsborus per-
PetuDl, or deth.'
This only proves the old sayin of how doc
torres will disagree. If there ever were callins /
open for humbuggery, it is doctern and
preechin. you pay the former for curein you,
and he kills you nine times out of ten, you
call in doctor and before his medisins
have a chance Won discharre him and call an