Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1849-12-20
THE UNCLAD HORSEMAN.
BY MAJOR JOSEPH JONES.

THE UNCLAD HORSEMAN.
BY MAJOR JOSEPH JONES.
Widowers should look out for breakers. Absa-
lom Nippers was a widower, and one of the par
ticularest men, perhaps that ever lived, though
some people said, that when his wife was alive,
he used to dress as common field hand and
didn't use to take any pains with himself al all
Everybody noticed how he spruced up, about SIX
weeks after Mrs. Nippers died, and how he went
to church regular every Sunday but they didn't
have no confidence in his religion, and used to say
that he only went to church to show his new suit
of mourning, and 10 ogle the gals.
With such character among the wimmen, it
amt TO be supposed that he stood any sort of
chance of getting another Mrs. Nippers near home;
and whether he was as bad to his first wife as they
said he was or not one thing was very certain.
that he must look abroad for some one to fill her
place.
Mr.. Nippers was very lucky in finding gal
just to his mind. what lived about ten miles from
his plantation. Nancy Parker was rich, and though
she wasn't very young nor very handsome, she
belonged TO MIR. Nppers church, and filled his
eye exactly he sot in courtin' her with all his
might. Ten miles was good long ride; and as
he was an economical man. he used TO ride over
to old Mrs. Parker's plantation every Sunday
morning, 10 go to church with the family, take din
ner with them, and ride back in the cool of the
evening. In that way he managed to kill two
birds with one stone that is. to advance the pros
poets of his happiness this earth and the world
to come at the same time, without losing any of
his week day time.
A ride over dusty road is apt to soil gentle
mans dry goods, and make him and his horse ve-
ry tired However, Mr. Nippers didn't mind the
fatigue as much as his horse but in a matter such
as he had in hand it was very important that he
should make as good an impression as possible,
so he adopted plan by which he was able to pre-
sent himself before the object Of his affections in
order, with his Sunday as clean, and his
blooming ruffles as fresh and neat as if they had
just come out of a ban d box. This was happy
expedient, and what nobody but wdower lover
would think Of He used to start from home with
his new coat and shirt tied up in pocket hand
kerchief, and after riding within quarter Of mile
of Mrs Parker's plantation, he would turn off into
a thcket of Chinkapin bushes and there make his
rural toilet.
One bright Sunday morning, Mr. Nppers had
arrived at this dressin' ground. 1t was an impor-
,ant occasion. Everything was promisin', and he
had made up his mind to pop the question That ve
ry day. There was doubt in his mind that he
would return home an engaged man, and he was
reckoning over TO himself the value of Miss Nan
cy's plantation and niggers, while he was settin'
on his horse maxim his accustomed change of
dress.
He had dropped the rens on his horses neck,
what was browsin about making his last nights
scanty feed from the bushes in his reach, and
kickin' and stompin' at such flies as were leedin'
on him in return.
"I'll fix the business this tme," ses Mr. Nip
pers 10 himself. " III bring things to point this
time," says he, as he united the handkerchief with
his clean clothes and spread them on the saddle
bow.
Wo Ball." ses he. I've jist got to say the
word, and-wo !" says he to his horse, what was
kickin' and rearin' about. "Wo! you cussed old
off log"
He was drawin' his shirt over his head, when
Ball gave a sudden spring which like to made him
loose his balance "Wo," ses he-but before ne
could get his arms out Of the sleeves Ball was
wheelin' and kickin' like rath at something that
seemed to trouble him behind. Down went the
clean clothes, shirt and all on the ground. Blast
your internal pictur--wo, now !" ses Mr. Nippers,
orabbn' at the rens. But before he could get
hold of 'em, Ball was off like streak of lighnin''
with whole swarm of yellow jackets round his
tail.
Mr. Nippers grabbed hold of the name and tried
to stop the horse, but it was no use. Away went
the infuriated Ball, and takin' the road he was
used to traveliu, another moment brung him to
the house. The gates was open, and in dashed
the horse with the almost naked Nipners hangin'
to his neck, holleun.' stop him hornets hor-
nets Z" as loud as be could scream.