The Arkansas banner., 1849-11-27
Tho Tisilsd Voitr: 4 stery of Boring Candidates.
BT PETER rIMsoN.


 
 A correspondent of the New Orleans Delta fur nishes the following clever hit al travelling cSndi- dates for office:
 Que day, just I was going to sll down io dine on nice tat capOn that my wife had laId upon the table, lhe caPOn was jast large eRoagh fer her and me, and had pulled the cork out of cool bottle of caret, walked Op the gallery, hat in hand, lowing and smirking, aud says he, 'GoOd day, sir; this is Mir. Timson, believe, slr7' "fes, ST, that is nly names take . seat, sir" 'sThapk you, Mir. Timson,' said he laying his hot side, and plan. ting himself in chair with an air that showed plainly that my fat cspoa was In danger. '' peyy warm weather, sir" said he. '.Very" said l. "Shali trouble yOa for drink of watsr1'' said be. '.Oh no lrOube,'' said I; "here Pey, 70 get the decan- ters upon the side-beard; walk in, sir, and take something to stimulate the system" w ell, really, said be. s'I hardly ever drink anything" Oh, 1t won't hurt you, sir" said |; "waIk In, walk in." lie did walk in, and he passed the tsbe, he east an eye upon my capon. Mrs. Iimson saw the glance, aud turned psle-not that my dear wife be- grudged the capOB, but she knsw that there was not enough for three, and there was no time to cook another. He took stiff horn, and then turned around and told me that his name was Grupkh h., and that he was a candidate for the legislature. l told him was glad to make his acquaintance, and introduced him 10 Mrs. 1iInson, who told him t,at she was glad to see him; tPoor woman, she told white one that tine. but hope God will forgive her for Il; In fact feel certain he will, for she driven to it, you know,) and invited him to sit down aud take dinner. Mrs. Timson excused her. self with the plea that she had go out and attend to negro child that had just been taken very siek, (may the guilty-that Is. the candidate suffer for llat sin, too, confident it will be the easel and left us to divide the capOn between us-she, dear heart, dining on mush and milk! Very little of the capon did eat, and very little of my cool bottle of claret passed nay lips! had Mir. Grimp- kins horse fed, too; and he kept me up, after diu ner. talking about what he meant 10 do when he goi into the legislature, whilst would have given nore for my after dinner nap, than would for all his principles and brains put together. l didn' | promise to vote for him, but hinted verv strongly that way. The fact is, never heard of him before. We'll. he went away, and l lay down ont the gallery and went 10 sleep.
 had gone of inte deep and glorious snooze, and was dreaming that huge monstei, with forty heads, Con esch of which was . great brass Rim. biet, ta rhiR0csTos,) had announced himself as a candidate for all the Othces within tb, gift of the people, when Mrs Timson twho wonid no more have dared to disturb my siesta on ordinary Occa. sons, than she would have cut off her lftle fnger) tckied my with feather, aad ,woke in a very bad humOr. "D-n it all, Mrs Nmson, my dear ]" said l, starting up, and rubbing my burning eyes, 'what the devil old you disturb rae for, eh, Mrs. Timsonl" "Oh, don't speak so lsud,' said she, in whisper, |" there's gentleman sitting iu the psrlor-snoiher candidate put on u calm coanteDance and walked n and there sat intelii. gent. bright looking young man. whom saw, at 6 glance. was a gentleman disguised candidate. He rose up and apologsed very gracefully fer hay ing disturbed me, and told me that he was a candi- date; that inexOrabie custom compelled him to visit the people, and thst he wished occupy as little sf their time, and give them little Wbuble possi- ble. "Sir," said l, with fervoT, "you shall have my vote; you . man of sense-yOu are . gen teman, sec that, notwithstanding your disguise, and i'li vote for you, sir! What your politics. and for what office do you runf' He explained it all, and, after had pressed him to eat little din nsS sad refresh hirDseif al the sido- board he ef advised Mrs. Timson ts hsvs some eapons always dressed, and some claret always cooling 1t we did 90. That night three candidates slept at my house enc was running for Justice of the Peace, one for Constable, and the other for Con- gress. They discussed the affairs of the nation with considerable warmth, until after midnight the constable candidate getting the best of it, as Mrs. Timson and boih thought, and then went 10 bed-the whole three being, ss thought, (aDd Mrs. Timson remarked the same thing rather tight.
 The next day seuen candidates visited my house, and ate with me, aud four more slept in my beds Three had already retired when the fourth came. Mrs. Timson had only two spare beds, therefore they slept two in a bed About five minutes after l had conducted the new comer 10 the room where the one candidate bed, 1 heard tremendous racket-loud voices a crashing of furnture--a fall. ing of bodies-and ssek cursing and swearing as l never before heard In my house. ran to the room. at the door of which stood the two candidates, in their shrts looking in at the of destruction. "Why, Mir. Timson," said one, "tohy did you put those two men to bed togetherl Why, sir, they are both running for clerk, aud they are just as hostile towards one another two meR can be-" looked into the room, and the stood Mir Squirt. with one of Mrs. 1imson's beau .,fu pieces of crockery held aoft in his hand, (ke love poising thu nderbolt ready to descend upoa t,e head Of MT. Spotts who held up, a shield, the cover of the same vessel. They had already brokea the looking glass on the bureau, had demolished two chairs, and tore the musquito bar into threads. Mir. Squirt brought the spacious mouth of the vessel down accurately upon tfe top of MT. Spott's very small head The bot, tom flew out, and the milk-whited vessel rested upos MT. Spotl's shoulders, encircling his neck and chin like the rufle of Spanish Ildalgo, in the time of Corez. The brdge of Mir. spott's nose was badly skinned by the descent of the vess |. succeeded in stopping the row. and after two hours spent in writing and accepting challenges. and drinking my old rye, tho parties shook hands, and | went to bed together.