Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1849-06-01
Yankee Trick ON n EHoostcr
Landlord


,hd IN quiet little Ohio village, many years age,
! wv was tavern where the stages always chan
~ GA" the passengers expected to ge: breakfast
'e landlord OF said Hotel was noted for his tricks
"Fo" travellers, who were allowed 70 ret f,;rIx
o"''u 1t. 'ne 'aoe, when the driver would blow his
"o'n (a''e' taxing has "horns and sing out. stage
t%u!' sentemeh' Whsreupon the passengers were
" p"'iy OUT anu lake their seats, leaving q
scarcely tasted breakfas: behind them. for wh;.h
however they had TO fork over fifty centsl One
Jay when the stage was approaching the house
OF this obliging host passenger said that h. had
| olteh heard Of the landlords trick and he was
AFRAID they would not be able TO get any breskfas,
WHAT ?-how! No breakfast exclaimed the
rest
IXactly So gents, and you may as we'll keep
your seats and tin
Don they expect passengers 10 breakfasts a.
'Oh yes! they expect you TO it, but not 10 eat IT,
am under the impression that there is an under
standing between the landlord and driver that for
ana various drinks, etc. etc, the latter starts
before You can scarcely commence eating"
Thy, wot on arth air yew talkin' bout? Eff
you caIkerIae | IN goin 10 pay " four ninepences
iur my breakfasts ad git the vallee on t. You mir
mistaken! said avoice from the back seat the
owner OF which was one Hezekiah Spaldins-
'nouSh tew hum they call him Hez for short
M soin' tew GIT my breakiuss yere, and not pay
nary red till dew"
Then you'll be left"
Not you knows on, wont!"
"Neil, we II see" said the other as the stage
drove up to the door, and the landlord ready to do
the hospltdble. says
Breakfast Just ready, gents! Take wash,
gents? Here's water basins, towels and soap"
After performing their abutions, they all pro
ceeded 10 the dining room and commenced fierce
onslaught upon the edlbes though Hez took his
time. Scarcely had they tasted their coffee, when
they heard the unwelcome sound of the horn, and
driver exclaim, Stage ready! Up rise eight
grumbling passengers pay their so cents, and take
their seats.
All aboard, gents7" inquiries the host
OSE missing said the driver
Proceeding TO the dining room the host finds
tlcz very cOoIly helping himself 10 an immense
piece OF steak, the a. size Of n horses lip
you'll he left, sir! Stage is gong to start !"
Wal, halnt got nothin' tew say agin it,"
brawls out Hez.
Cant wait, sir, you better take your seat"
! IL be gauI darned eff dew, nurther, till I've
got my breakfuss! paid for it, and I'm goin TO
git the vuee ont! and eff yew calkaate | amt
yew air mistaken
SO the stage did start and left Hez who con,in-
ned his attacks Of the edibles Biscuits, coffee
steaks, &c &c, disappeared rapidly before the eye
of the astonshed landlord.
Say, Squire, them there cakes is bout East
fetch us nurlher grist on en- You, Ito the waiter)
nuther cup that are coffee. Pass them eggs
Raise ye"re own pork, Squire this is mazln'
nice ham.-Land bout yeaie tolerable cheap.
Squire? laint got much maple timber in these
parts hev ye! Dewin right smart trade, Squire
calculate. Don't lay yew re own eggs dew ye?"
and thus Iiez kept quizzng the landlord until he
had made hearty meal
"Say, Squire, now M bout tew conclude payin'
my devowrers tew this ere table but eff yew ID ji.s
give US bowl o bread and milk tew sortsr top off
with, d be much obleeged tew We"
So out goes landlord and waited for the bowl Of
bread and milk and set them before Her.
"Spewn, tew # you please
Bnt no spoon could be found. Landlord was sure
he had plenty silver ones laying on the table when
the stage stopped
Say yew dew you think them passengers is
goin' to pay you for breakfast and not set no
=
All what DO you think any of the passengers
ook them?"
Pew think? No, l don't think, but I'm .arin
Fl they all as green as yew bout here, I'm goin
o locate Immediately and tPw wonstn
The landlord rIIshes out 10 the stable and starts
of after the stage which had gone about three
niles. The overtakes the stage, and says
omehing 10 the driver in low tone. He imme-
lately turns back. and on arriving at the Hotel,
iez comes out to take his seat, and says:
Heow air yew, gents? I'm rotten glad tew see
'ew!7
Can you point out the man you think has the
poems asked the landlord
Pint him out! Sarinly, ken. Say Squire!
laid you four ninepences for breakuss, and cal
,alate got the valIss ont. You'll find them spoons
n the coffee potr Go ahead, all aboard.
SPIRIT Of the Iim".