The daily union. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1845-1857, 1849-06-15
For the Union.


| ''You will find General somewhere where you
see that white ha with Sfs" sn ,n
Experienced seamen, who 60 into the lonely latudes
of the north in search of levatan his brains into
candles his aIow into OIL and his teeth into ribs
and umbrella rafters always throw tub the sagacous
monster before they penetrate his royal blubber. The
hunters of wild elephants In the majestic forests OF Cey
Ion and farther India coax the almost nlractabe animals
TO be bound, by sending female to tie love knots
around their wrnkled trunks, and dye their Pondeous
tusks with wild strawberries Royal tigers also
caught with ease upon throwing perfume bags into their
jungles-the spotted rascas rolling upon them and snuff
ing up their strange odor with wild delight.
Such being the way in which man humbugs the mon
of the and OF the land il is not strange that the
with spoon should occasionally endeavor To
the magnificent his minimizing and less cunning
| fellows.
Humbugs. therefore, minge in with the ordinary bust
ness OF human life, and in some ages OF the world sepa-
rate the whole people into two classes, to witt humbug
gers and humbuygees This happens to be the case now
in the civilized world and more especially that part OF II
whose Mecca is Washington and whose watering places
Newport and San francisco. The first humbng that
we have upon US is the Second Washington, who
has friends to reward and enemies TO punish. and
who administers the government for the benefit OF the
whole people in constitutional manner, and who
declares that che has much influence any one
of the cabinet and tie them occasionally if he
cannot get his member in " and the second humbug is
the Democratic heroic party who voted for wing in
uniform, and got at last nothing but cold ebukes and
whitening scorn These pretty boys, who were going
to mend the government crockery SO nicely With co0s
tutiona putty have only been permitted TO chew moudy
upon the doorso Of the White House on evee night
WE'LL verify they have their reward, and all the beasts
and the elders say Amen
Goldfish arstocracy." who, having amassed wealth by
class legislation commercial gambling, or having IN
hered it from misery old fathers, who pnched their
daphragms to fill their Golfers. until they died with the
jaundce and buried in mahogany and silver, set
up or wits-patrons of misrepresentation OF reasoning
constituencies and peaders of law, and bore
| al. chn alnf InU
shad, carrying off the eggs Of society, and leaving
slime and occasionally smart electric shock IN place
of them. These men and women, too, look down
upon their fellows and ellowesses with double-bar-
/ teed Eyeglasses; wear hair everywhere but where
' nature and ratuse's God intended it TO grow; live
upon bottled gas and devled kidneys; cry when they
should laugh, and laugh when THEY should cry :
| turn deaf to suffering humanity, and pay half
eagle to foreign pot wrestler initiate the mein OF
wretchedness, walk like harlequns and act like clowns
leave their honest adesmens bills unpaid, and spend
fortune in lotteries and sews pinch their religion, and
put the devil in sheets OF lavender Cypress the poor and
overwhem the rich with unasked favors Oh, these are
the humbugs that make life satire, and society farce
1t is bard thing for modest man to live now we
have tried IT; and, to our sorrow we can bear ivey
said, "When we are in Turkey we must do as the ur
keys do We are, therefore, endeavorlng to bring
selves down to the level of the heroic age and hunt cat
erplars the green things that surround us with the
best Of them swallowing hard and asking questions
until dinner is over.
The cabinet as we understand, at late meeting when
y,
with perspiraton and diplomatic dew, performed a
grand anthem arranged for seven voices old ipse Dirt
beating time on the green table with his knuokles,
and humming most unsteady through his nose a
tune of his own manufac,nre The Foreign Affairs
gentleman took the base-Meredih sang stiff coun,
ier--Ewng went of in grand falsetto iHefmngled
with baryiones, semi-tones cherry and grind
stones The Secretary Of War tosk the second counter
and struck the Home Departments melody bin in the
the Of the Navy sa INC
treble with trll, and got lost in the quill -splers; while
the Attorney General, with most accommodating voice,
f Hoge pspsrent had finished the ri first ''
round tunes assure YOU gentle readers, and as
lonshed the servants in the kitchen to such extent
that the old cook struck up
| "The gospel ship is sailing by,
| Glory halleluJdh :"
while the maids In waiting pitched in the appropriate
places and sweed the confederation OF sweet sounds.
The Second Washington had borrowed the suit OF con
| tinentals by his iusrous predecessor from the
Patent Office for the occasion, and deaconed Oft the words
in character with becoming spirit when the parts Jagged
magnificent Sa solo ,i in he following words. to wit
| "When Orpheus took his Tyre to he'll
| To fetch his rib away,
/ On that same thing he pleased so well,
That devils learned to play
When the tune was fully over, and finally completed
and finished there great calm round that old green
table, which was only broken by the Boss Singers
ing roundly that with such harmonious set of fellows
around him, the organs might all go to - where Or
pheus went which, out OF personal consideration To the
company present. and respect to the Church, he wouI
not MENTION
The National Wig Immediately tainted, and died
with the green sickness, are told while the Re
public arose in its place like Phfnx from the ashes.
The Intelligencer crdwfshed and began tune its
own hook. the last line OF which was
son. poor Harry Clay, and oh. poor Harry Clay,
When you become the President, honest debts wen
pay"
The Republic as we oretUld is SOME pumpkins in this
melee, but its satiatoryis SO -comhitta that we
cannot tell how meet it. We think, therefore, that we
shall follow the advice of the old Vermont member who,
when called upon to reply to speech OF mere words
said, Mr. Speaker, hate to kick against noth'ng-it
Urenches so"
The Second Washington is blessed in having an organ
that is accommodating to represent his shes and
at the time, without committing his principal, to
recommend removals from Office the best policy to be
pursued hereafter.
We under stand that the naval officer who his ship
into Hampton Roads, few days since, is not TO be dis
missed from the SERVICE the cabinet having satisfied the
Second Washington that Hampton Roads is not brace
of turnpikes below Norfolk and that injury had been
done the vessels bottom from the aforesaid promscu-
Gus, running.
1t is also rumored that the Russian minister has had
idea of demanding his PASSPORTS if his relatives
mere removed from public office at Washington, the En-
peor, his MASTER loving his ally WELL that he
would not quarrel with him for omnibus full of Office
holders
Thus that the political millennium is going TO be
fine day for ishing after ALL True priuae rcpu-
tdtion may suffer some, and public reputation may suffer
in the OF it but take it whole, spite
of gunpowder pills and cafnphor smelling bottles, the