Southern sentinel. [volume] (Plaquemine, Parish of Iberville [La.]) 1848-1858, 1849-10-17
The Troubles OF MAX StolEsss Al.

L '' - 1-''o
Nv father-Heaven rest his soul.-kcpt me
diligently at school, and | learned Il thing ortWo
Notwithstanding the Wretched state OF our pub
lie school at the time. But my manners were
neglected. ASH grew up, every body sad OF
me, Mr.. Max Stolpan is an extremely worthy
! MAN. but-hc doesn't know how to make his
way among men: doesn't know how to behave
among folks; doesn't know where to put ms
hand and feet; but every way else he is I right,
down noble fellow"
Look you, what people call politeness and
refinement OF manners, is as much 4 part OF HE
and luck, as bread or potatoes, or Il glass OF
Wine. Many Of our young sirs have, perceive,
made but inconsiderable progress in this science.
! pray them@herefore, to read and relate to
others this story of my misfortunes: for, through
nv aWkwardness, sore disasters have been
drawn down upon my head.
As soon as my Aunt Sparhaven was dead,
and | as her only heir was thus placed in easy
circumstances, it was proposed to bestow Il wife
on me. Twas then III my thirticth year. The
young lady selected was beautiful. domestic,
yirtu0us, anaable, and rich.
The fair Barbeline pleased me well. But
matters must be put into a train-I must be-
come better acquainted with my proposed bride.
For this purpose | was invited to meet her at a
uIllllCT- party Ill nc LouSc u iCI lhohteh
I~.trembled at the thought of the company: but
what would not one venture for the sake OF a
bride-of a Barbclinc.
dressed myself in my Sunday attire: white
silk stockings, a new wig and bag, an apple
green coat, with mother-ot-pearl buttons-ln 4
word, | was gay as Il bridegroom.
When | reached the house, ny heart beat as
if there had been a forge in my breast. ii
only there is not a great company" thought |.
"Itit were only once well over!,'
By GOOD luck, | found my host alone. He
was still busy, making up an account in his own
room.
"You come somewhat late, Mr.. Stolpan," said
he.
| bowed and scraped and smiled, in order to
! appear courteous to Barbeline's kinsman, but
all the while had nothing in my head but the
great company.
Meanwhile he had finished his reckoning, and
looked around for sand. / spring forward,
eager to assist, but seize the irk-stand instead
Of the sand-box, and shake a black stream OF the
best ink over the elegant account. thought
should have swooned! In my haste and contu-
sion | pulled out my snow-white handkerchief,
and with it attempted to wipe Oft the ink.
" "Take care there! what are you about!' said
my host, laughing. He thrust back my black
dIu NIllt0 ilaLIihciIItiI, sIlA tiIiiiS7 ~ it5tttS
as well as he could.
He now conducted me to the apartment
where the company were already assembled
| follow, but with a bad conscience to begin
with. Just at the door | perceive an ink spot
the size ola dollar on the white silk stocking of
my left. "IIeaten help" thought /; ''what will
the great company say"
The door opens: |, stiff, wooden clown as |
am, now attempt to play the easy and gallant, to
move myself with lightness and grace. | skip
into the great hal, make obeisances before and
behind, scrape to the right and left, and never
see that Just under my nose stands a female
parsonage in the act Of transporting to the ia
Bile an enormous dish of pastry. Bump. | come
with one of nv reverences into her back, and
knock the pastry out of her hands upon the
floor; and still | rush forward with my scrapings
and complimentings. seemed to myself to be
in the front rank of a battle, marching straight
into the lannon's mouth.
What compliments the great company were
making in return all this time, | know not. |
had not courage to look up, but kept on with
my bowings and scrapings and most obedients,
as if possessed, till a new misfortune brought
politeness to an untlmely end.
In my blind haste | had, without being aware
of it, invaded the regions of the demolished
! DaSlFh. WHICH SUI LAY "IS Il llatd
maid not having sufficiently recovered from
her fright to gather it up. There she stood, in
the same spot, gaping with astonlshed eyes upon
the ruin ofthis masterpiece of the culinary art.
With a new compliment, my ink-stained foot
walked into the pastry. | saw nothing, for
every thing SWAN before my eyes. Down |
slipped in the soft mass, in an extremely ma
tural, though ridiculous fashion, lost my per-
sonal and political equilibrium and stretched my
whole length, FIVE feet seven, upon the floor, to
the terror and amazement of that whole, great,
most respectable company.
Inmy fall brought down with me two chairs,
BY which | had caught in the attempt to recover
myself, and with them a beautiful young lady,
who was probably just about seating herself
Oh,-misery!-and that was my Barbeiine.-
Now rose a terrific hue and cry, in which Joined
with all my might; for seeing not only two
chairs but a young lady PROSTATE beside me, |
thought surely there had been nothing less than
ali earthquake.
At length we gathered ourselves up, and our
host made a joke of the whole matter. Well
he might! | could have wept, for | was nearly
mead with shame. | SUNK into a seat near the
stove. and attempted not a word OF excuse
Since the rest laughed, however, | laughed also,
now and then venturing only a stolen glance
at the demolished pastry.
At length we were summoned to the table
The host was so polite as to seat me beside the
fair Barbeline. | would rather have sat by a
burning mountain than side this good and beau,
tiful maiden. My mind was in p wonderful
state beside my future bride. Very little did |
see at the table of the great company.
The soup was served. The fair Barbeline
offered me a ~plateful. | would by no means
accept it, as she was net yet helped herself
And now the compliments began anew; and
foreboding that no good would come of this
accursed p~alaver, l pressed Baabeline with great
earnestness to keep the soup. Looking be-
soachinniu into her beautiful blue eyes, | Of