The Arkansas banner., 1849-08-07
Notes for a Tourist.

Madam, said free spoken, warm hearted enthu- sastie asd rather quizziea son of Kentucky, whilst paying hs devouIs to of the famous lady tourists of England Madam. you should have been born In America-iha greatest country in the known world Nature has clustered all her stupendous and dazzling works upon this land, and you should be among them. We have got the greatest men, the finest wmen, the btoadest lakes, the taiest trees. the widest prairies, ths highest falls, and the biggest hearts in all creation.
 "Madam, go and see the falls of Niagara. My dear madam, ifI didn't think I'd walked up ia futurity when first seed that slsntendicuar puddle --fsiantendicular's an AIgebria word, madam-yod mayn't know h.l Why, madam, could tell you something about them falls; but you musnt put it in your books. cause nobody won't never believe . The people that live round about there all loose their speech, and never hear each other speak for years, which is caused by the roar of tie falls.
 "Fact, madam, true as that's pencil and a note book you're taking out of your pocket. Why, a man lived there ten years and he got so deef he never knew man was speaking to him till pail ofwaier was poured down his neck. When you go to the faIls madam, you must do all your talking you want before you get within twenty miles oi them ; for after that, not word of any kind cah be heard
 ssThen. madam. you should gu and see the great cave in Kentucky, where the bats hiberneulate in countless millions. There is not another such hole in the ground to be found on the face of the earth; if you go back to England without seeing our mammoth cave, you'll put yous foot in it---no, beg pardon, quite impossible; but you'll have big hole in the book you're going to write There is no end known to 1t, madam, and there is salt water lake in the middle of it twenty-five miles long One of the rooms is called the ARtiPodeoa Chamber. from the unpSonounceabe fact that man can walk just as easy the ceiling upon the floor and in this apartment there is natural fountain of pure brandy
 "The same cave, too, is positive cure for con- sumption.
 "You haint been south yet, have you madam {! You haiDt seen the Mississippi river and New Oslsans. We'll, madam. New Orleans is hundred and fifty miles below the level Of the sea, and the Mississippi ruas through canal right over the city The inhabitants are chiefly aigators and screech owfs-the last two words have vulgary been perver- ted from the creole. Their food is chiefly gum, ptOCuTcu Itum utc uceo LII tiic SWdiupss anu hutCu they call gumbo. There is paper there called the PtcaTooa-ihe name being well chosen signif. cant of its professed pracies upon Rents Philoso- phY, Baron Munchausen the Pilgrims Progress, Joe Miller, Washington Irving. and Bells Life in London. It is violent and siupendous political print, and the government ofthe country has endea- vored in vain to suppress it. One of the peculiar marks of this extraordinary city is the entire absence of those small qaadrupeds of the genius most commonly known rats. One was seen many vears ego, by citizen, who brutally murdered the unknown creature, bat was immediately tried and sentenced 10 be hung for the ehornity.
 "You will hear, madam, great deal about the floating population of New Orleans, a phrase which you will understand when tell you the town is baif the year under inundation fiom the Misss- sipP You should have been born in America, my dear madam; but as you were not, you may possibly die here, and that's some consolation to you"