Burlington hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington, Iowa) 1845-185?, 1849-12-27
Waking up the Wrong Passenger.

OF all the species of wit, that very fash
ionable process entitled selling" is the
most devoid OF anyof The attributes of hui
NOR. Depending for its success on the
dishonesty of the practitioner and The YER
dsncy or ignorance Of the patient, the
'.sale" when accomplished is but miser-
able exhibition Of the weakness Of human
nature. But if "sale" were ever excu-
| sable we think the one we are about to re-
late is that indentcal one.
One Of the best OF fellows, with only
the unfortunate drawback Of loving NOR
dinately this kind OF amusement, B
H - BY name, was recently, for short
time a conductor on the Cincinnati and
Sandusky Railroad. On a certain occa-
sion one Of the passengers in his "run"
was very honest respectfully dressed
German, who, with his hat slouched over
his eyes was sleeping in the corner of the
seat. Our conductor passed him several
times, but seeing the old gentleman was
enjoying himself very much, delayed dis
turbng him until it was absolutely neces-
sary then, giving him shake he reused
him to partial sense Of his situation.-
With blank expression Of countenance
the passenger turned his eyes upon those
Of his annoyer and 'paused for a reply"
"Your ticket if you please" blandly re-
marked the official.
"Ya" answered the passenger, still
looking steadily, but without single line
or mark of intelligence, full in the face of
the conductor.
"Your ticket, you know" continued H.,
ges'iculaiing vaguely, "like this" showing
one he had just taken.
"Yaas," and the German coolly stretch
ed on, his hand and before II. could pre-
vent him had the ticket in his pocket.
Now the perplexity Of the conductor
became intense. He summoned to his aid
all the German lie had ever been able to
pick up, which, chiefly consisting of such
popular phrases as "nix cummerous" and
emo fnstan" did not advance him material
". Still the same Interchangeable face, the
picture of total non-comprehension up
turned toward the vexed and despairing
conductor.
AT last a brilliant. idea flashed athwart
the brain Of the latter.
"Gelt!-gell!" he exclaimed motioning
to indicate the counting of money.
"Yah -yah!' rejoined the impractical
BILE, his face lighting up with avery slight
degree Of intelligence, as be inserted his
hand into very old pair Of trousers and
produced eahern bag, from which he
poured into the palm of his hand two
horse shoe nails, and a very large button,
small piece of "cavenaish," short and
greasy lead pencil, and two half dimes in
change. AT This poor II. became purple
with suppressed anger and modification,
stamped his foot, launched out some ex-
pre>>ion~, among which several very
choice and comprehensive forecastle cx-
pletives were most conspicuous. To all
this the poor German had apparently moth
ing to reply his face was s,olid as gutid
.percha mask, but the other passengers hal
gathered around and were evidently en-.
joying the joke very much. Moved &c
dreadful deeds, the wre,ched official al
last seized his man by the collar and an
nouncea as follows:
Pay your fare or I'll put you ashore
keep your baggage! STICK YOU IN JAIL!
Won internal Dutch scoundrel."
"Keep cool H.. and take cigar ~ wa.
the most unexpected reply of the poor pas
senger. II. gave one look more and col
lapsed amid the shouts Of the crowd.
1t was Winchell the mimic Buffalo
Courier.