Burlington hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington, Iowa) 1845-185?, 1849-10-04
BURLINGTON, IOWA OCTOBER T.
jerks AND CALIFORNIA


'1'll tell you what it is, nv DEAR said
our friend jerks to his wife one evening
after they had retired TO bed, I am posi-
lively in favor Of this California business
There you go again. she replied, i
never saw any one like you.'
well, now don't get excited. We can
talk over the matter dispassionately, and
'Now Mr. jerks, can tell you once for
alp
'Oh, pshaw,' exclaimed our friend,
where's the use in working ones soul out
here, for bare living, when; by going to
California, one may clear fortune in a
year or two, and come back to his friends
and family TO enjoy it.
'Now stop said the wife, 4 won't per-
nit you to talk in this way. You are
married man, and as such, you've no bus
mess to take it into your head to 90 to
California, or any where else, without
your wife,
Come, come, now, Mrs jerks. You
know well enough
Yes, l do know we'll enough that anv
woman is fool who will'-
'Ah, my love!'
ooh, 60 along! Don't talk to me of
love! A man who is SO whimsical
You're all the time specializing. The 9TH
er day you wanted an office-on one &C.
casion you were going to get up Life In
surance Co., because you thought thew
made great deal of money with very lit
tie trouble, and then you got the ridiculous
notion into your head to start a newspaper.
just as if more than two-thirds of the pa
pers don't break down after the first year
or two-then you were going to Set UP
town in Jersey, when you know how
many poor men have been beggared in try
ing to build up this State of Jersey
'All fools, my dear-a set of Jacks
Any man, don't care who he is, with a
thimble full of brains, can start town and
make fortune by the enterprise
'Then,' resumed Mrs jerks, who paid
no attention to this outburst from her hus.
band-'then you wanted to buy steam
boat to run her against regular line
'Yes, and | could have cleared fortune
by it in few years-but you wouldn't
hear to-
Just as it, continued Mrs jerks, you
could hold up against regularly organ
lied company,-they rich and y on poor
couldn't l have interested Others
And would not the whole public have run
with us. We would have put the fare
down, and thrown in dinner or a lunch.
or given gold pencil case as premium
TO the largest number of passengers, or
something Of that sort; and mind, tell
you, we would have brought that odious
monopoly to its knees. We'd make the
monopoly howl, to use the strong language
of DR. Bird .=s
But, suppose they'd make you how'll
how then? p .-a 80
Now where's the use of talking in that
way ?--You are enough to make man
nervous
yes, and you are enough to drive one
crazy with your visionary schemes
Now my DEAR expostula,ed our ami
able friend, that's going little too far
Not half SO far as you would like TO
60. What am l TO do if you 60 to Cali
iornia p
why, you could 60 home, couldn't you?'
yes, l could, but I WON'T she sharply
replied. The world shall not laugh at
me, and say, 'she had to 60 home before
she was married year.
What will you do then p
DO? Mr. Jenks,' she exclaimed, sMr
jerks =
what, my dear p replied our friend,
sitting bolt upright in the bed.
Look at me- said she, impressively,
raising herself upon her elbow and shak-
ing her finger at him; you shall stay
where you are, or if you 60 Ill go with
YOU
Nonsense, Mrs jerks ....
Common sense, Mr. Jenks.'
Pooh, Mrs jerks.
Pooh, for you, Mr. jerks
you're crazy, Mrs jerks
'We're well paired, Mr. jerks
At this juncture, our friend began to
whistle Hail Columbia willie his wife
vigorously hummed an appropriate air.
Alter lapse Of five or ten minutes, jerks
said ..,..
But, my dear, really now, wouldn't
you advise me to go TO California =
No. she replied with a sob, you
know l would not, and you're bad man,
SO you are, to torment me in this way, in
my present critical state of health. You
know how weak l am, and if mother
should-Oh-'
Now stop, don't go on in that way. l
thought l could easily make fortune in
California. OF course l won't go if you
don't wish it. Come now, don't cry
you're hard-hearted mani
Now, My dear ... ..-.
sFather'- .. ....
'Well there /; say no more!
'And you won't indulge in any more
speculation p
No, will not
Now, like you for that. If you were
single l would not object to your going to
California. Single men may do as they
please, but, it is the duty Of husbands, if