Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1849-12-08
Do,Nes AT our SCHOOL 'ousE.
BY NIX OF GowANUs.

| THst CidSS Vi SdSduOueS, ilsS huH'
dered our schoolmaster. Well, the vaga
bones rose. "Now answer every question
correctly, or 1'll break every bone in youI
bodies," was the next pronunciamento o
the old autocrat of our red school house,
Sapient old pedagogue! thy years were
many and full of knowledge. Looking
back through long vista of birch rods,
can see his restless grey eyes darling in
quick glances from pupil to pupil, in search
OF the "graceless scamp" who threw the
last spit ball with such wonderful precision
as to barely escape his nose, and stick fast
on the adjacent wall. And, now / recol-
lect, he had a most perplexing squint--a
squint accommodating for if he appeared
to be looking directly at one, that one
might ego IT." and no longer fear of being
detected; but if his eyes were fastened
in direction one could not tell where,
then be wary, for it might be on
you Glorious old master! if your eyes
squinted your heart was as true as the nee
die to the pole-your affections had no
squint you thrashed all alike, and alike
shared your wonderful store of knowledge.
This was the last day of the quarter-for a
week our individual store houses of lore had
been progressing through the various stages
of mental ventilation and renovation our
memories logged; dormant ideas awakened,
and all our energies secured up to a high
state of brightness by copious application
Of the masters brick-dust of erudtion. We
were in prime order.
"John Brown, what do you understand
by acoustics %
"Why, a stick to drive cows with, I
'spose." -'
SECT out, you young vagabone did l
not Just see you reading about the science
of sound 20 ..-.
''Guess not-that was about Sylvester
Sound, the Somnambulist."
"It was, eha Sarah, you are Johns
younger sister 90
"Yeth thir."
"What is acoustics 20
81 know Thrift ith, it ith the art of ma
king noith, and hearing noith."
"You are right-explain it.'
"Yeth thir. If you stick your finger in
your mouth, and then pull it out thudenly,
the cold air rutheth into the vakkum and
produtheth thound, thrike,h on the tym-
pan of the ear, with maketh the thound
audible, and it it'll called the thienth of a
coushtixth."
"You are quite right, Sarah. John, can
you now tell me what is meant by acous-
tics. Be careful, sir; or you'll feel my
stick'
eyes, sir. A COW sticks your finger in
her mouth and kicks over the tin pan,
which sounds awful, and is called the SCI
ence of cows kick"
"Well;; John-you do credit to your
teacher. You may take your books and
run home. Willy Chase, what is the cur
rency of the United States 2"
"Cash and money!" ..........-
"What are its denominations
"Coppers, boguses, and Bungtown cents
pennies, fps, pics, four-pence, ha'penys
levys, ninepences, Spanish quarters, pista.
reens and shinplasters."
"That will do. Jones, what is the stan.
dard weight of the United States?'
sScale weight, and wait little longer
"What is hundred weight!' %
zone hundred and twelve pounds"
'Samuel, how many kingdoms are there
in the material world" 2"
"Four."
"Three, only three"
"Four, ] think, SIR"
"Well, name them-what are they -
"Mineral kingdom, animal kingdom
vegetable kingdom, and kingdom come"
"Now, how many kinds of motion arr
there %
"Four."
"Two; voluntary and involuntary"
''Simon says there's four"
"What does Simon say they are"
"Point, point up, point down, and wig
wag.n'
"You rascal I've a mind to wigwa:
your jacket! Hadn't you better describ
the motion OF my stickF'
81 can sir.n
"And its effectp'
eyes, sir. Up stroke, and down strok
the up struck, regular and easy tn
down stroke, spasmodically electrifying
and its effects are strikingly indescribable.
s.You understand that, see. Susannah
what is matter!"
"There is nuthing the matter with me.
81 ask you what is matter, matter.
"Yes sir-matter is every thing that ha
substance. There's animated matter, an
vaccine matter, and'-
"No matter about the rest. Speaking {
vaccine matter, puts me in mind of some
thing else. There has been case of small
pox appeared in the village, or rather valio
roid, which is the botanical name for small
pox-and MIR. Scalpel says he has som
prime vaccine matter, Of his own manufae
ture, warranted to take-and he will vac
cinate the whole village for eight cents
piece, and take his pay in potatoes. A
recollect, and when you go home, tell you
parents. George Smith, do you recollet
the story of David and GOLIATH"
eyes, sir-David was tavern-keepe
and Goliah was an incorporate man."
"Who told you thatp
} "Nobody. 1 read it, and it said thi
, David fixed sling for Goliah, and Cola
got slowed with it." gaf q ef
"Wasn't Goliah giant, strong man !
"Yes, he was giant, but he had wea
, head" .4lif-ra lt-.I .Pf .sq