The Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1846-1852, 1849-08-10
Alisfellaneons.
ADVICE TO YOUNG PEOPLE.
TO A YOUNG MAN.

lou re SeLtlnB Olu enough 10 tmnk
about the feminines, you, are, indeed"
said Mrs. Scruggins, in very con6den-
tial and motherly tone, to young man of
her acquaintance. IL want to give you
some advice about how you should do in
mixen with 'em. Between you and me,
(you needn't tell it to the boarder with
the green specs, howsomever) I'm mid
dle.aged womin, and have seed thing
or two in my time; some things that was
good, and something's as warn't. I've
seed wimin that l would light on, if
was young man, as dear gone Mister
Scruggins used to say, like grim death on
a deceased Afrc-an-and then agin, I've
seed some I'D jist as leave touch as-as
-a-reptile. would advise you, ifyou
begin to feel queer about any particular
feminine, jist happen in some morning
afore breakfast, and if you see her hair
done up slick, her face washed clean, and
her dress hooked up all the way behind,
she's the one for your money Emmy
woman will look we'll arter fxen' up, but
take 'em when they amt expectin' you
that's the way they'll look arier mar.
riage. My dear husband used to tell me
after we was married, how executed his
feelins' was, when he met me one mornin'
afore we were promised, with my hair
all done up tidy, and everything fixed
just right. l recoloct the time we'll.
had on span new gown, which cost
twenty-five cents yard, and seventy
five cents for the cuttin' out.-Mr. S. said
he always liked to see, people tidy; and
was glad he hadn't caled the morning a.
fore, which was wash day.
Another thing want to tell you about.
Whenever you want to talk to a young
womin, don't speak like you was skeered
todeath. 1t 'tdo-cause whyl She
will see you're afeered of her, and in
conscience git spunky, and think she can
do jist as she pleases, which idearit will
take you long time to drive away arter
marriage, you don't doit afore. When
ever you are in kumpany with middle
aged feminines that isn't marred-say
them that's thirty years old or thereabouts
talk about your expectations, hint a
round somethin' about morality, or poll.
tical influence, any thing of that kind
Middle.aged wi min swaller them kind OF
things jist like catfish does fat pork.
But if your affections is set on young
girl as reads rhymes, and talks of them
fellers, Byron and Shakespear, who has
writ books, you must talk about moon
shiny brambles, starry sheenery. and SO
forth; but take care you don't talk that
are way to girl of sense, for she may be
ieadin you on jist to laugh at you"
Don't be too modest. Young wimin
often say they like sich and sich one,
cause he's such modest young man.
Now, that's all humbug and shin sham
A leetle modesty is. we'll enough, but if
you havn't got pretty good stock of brass
with it, you won't get along in this sinful
world. Whenever you are in kumpany
where there is sensible men and wmin,
put on bold face, and if you don't know
as much as them, make out like you
know'd heap more, and you Il get credit
for what you do know; but where young
men talk about foolish things, that girls
of sense don't care anything about, jisr
sci off in corner and don't say nothing
Plenty Of fools have got the name of wise
men by jist keeping their mouths shut
My dear gone S. usedto say, that he never
said much in crowd, and every body
said he was perfect Solon, and wha
every body says must be true.
"Never talk about other people, before
them you don't know well; you nigh
git yourself in scrape. I've know'd
cases where one person was talkin' and
aughin' at another, who was sittin near
listinin' and pretendn' to be dreadful,
tickled all the time at the fun. die
it once myself was talkin' to a gentle
man who was introduced to me at ball
l thought as how his name was Jones
and we had merry time, at the expense
of some Of our 'quaintances, includin' ;
Mr.. James, who said was fool certin
The next day, 1 found out that | hac
been talkin' to Mr.. James himself.
felt orful about it, ! tell you, ever since
When | don't hear the name we'll of
person who is introduced to me, alay
ask them their name, so then | won
make no mistake, and then tell 'em hov
got ketched with that Mr.. James.
"If you are ever called on to rescue
feminine from faintin' fits, be sure you
don't throw water in their faces, as it
very disagreeable. Between you and
in confidence, you know-wimin don
always faint in rale earnest, and the
don't like to cum to in such hurry. Vol
untary salts, if you can find any handy
is the best rimedy. for wimiR is so use'
to them that they can snuff away withou
evin sneezin'.-Never cut stays-it's to
expensive, for good laces cost twenty
FIVE cents piece; and then sum of 'er
laces SO tight, that there is good de;
Of danger of collapsation of the ner'
ious system, as the Doctors say. Th
best way is to let EN- alone and they wi
come to in time themselves.
"The great secret in gittin' along wit
folks is, to make 'em believe that ther
is nobody thinks half so much of 'em a
you do. l made Mr.. S. do it until hi
dying day, and so does every womin {