Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1849-06-08

keep an eye e'gr ward. When YOU reach the
scene Of The FIRE do all you can TO conyor il
INTO a sccne OF destruction. Tear down al the
fences Iu the vicinity; and don't omit 70 ",ear
your shirI' 100, 50 that your good deeds nav
follow you or rather accompany YOU, when Won
return home. lii be a chimney on Gre. throw
sail down 10, or if YOU can't do that, throw salt
on rats tail aud make him run up. The ef.
feet will BE- about the same. lf both be found
mpracuca5.e, a few bIckel-lulls OF water. IN.
dlc'ousiy applied, will answer almost as well.
Perhaps she best plan would be 10 Jerk of the
Eump-haude and pound down The chimney
Don't forget 70 yeH all the time. as il has prod
-.0u c.i-c, in frightening off the fire. You
mlg.lg sweara liuIe, 400, if YOU can do il seen.
uhca.ly. lr YOU belong 10 the "Nonberp."
damn the 'Fneuishp;''If TO the Friendship
damn the Northern and if to neither. don't be
Pauial, Bat damn both. The louder the beuer.
.oI course; aGd the more ladies' in the vicinity.
lac gr-otsr the necessity for doing il brown"
Should the roof begin 10 smoke get to work in
good earnest and make any man "smoke" that
interrupts. lI II is SUMMER and there are fruit
trees IA the lol, cut them down to preven, the
h'a !ro.h roasting the apples. Don't forget to
ysA.
Should the stable be threatened. carry out tho
COW chains. Never mind the horse: he'll ba
"aIIve aad kicking" and If his legs don't do
their duly, LEI them pay for the roast. Duo AZ
10 Ao-5; lcll them save their own bacon. or smoke
,or il. When the roof begins TO burn GET a
.crow-bar and pry away the stone steps; or If the
steps BE- o.. wood, get an axe and chop them up.
Next cut away tue wasb.b0ards in lhe basement
story, and f tBuI don't stop the flames, let the
caa.r.Doarls on the irsI floor share similar
fate. Should the "dcvouring element sill
pursue the even tenor of its way, you had bet
Ter ascend n the second story. Prtch out the
pitchers and tumble out the tumblers; and If
tlcrg be livery stable near, bOwl out to some-
body, at the risk Of raising horse.Iaugh from
the by.s;aaders, 10 run lheta and have on, the
heaye-powders! Yell all the time. If Won
find a baby a5ed, fling it into the second story
window OF the house across the way, but let the
kitten down carefully in a work basket. Then
draw out Ihe bureau drawers and empty their
contents UuI Of The bacl; window. telling sone-
body at the same lime, 10 upset the sIopbarreI
and rain hogshead. OF course you vii, attend
to the mirror. The farther il can be thrown.
the more pieces vii, be made. If any body OBJ
iecls smash il over his head. Do not, under
any circumstances, drop the longs down from The
second story. The fall might break its leg and
render the poor thing cripple for life. Setit
asradle OF your shoulders and carry it down
carefully. Pile the bed-co!hes on the floor,
and show the spectators that you can beat the
"bug5" at knocking beadsead apart and chop
ping up the pelces.
BY the lime, you will have attended to these
things the fire will ceuainiy be arrested or the
building burnt down. In either case, your SER
vices will be no longer needed, and of course
YOU need no further instructions.