The Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1846-1852, 1849-02-23
Origina, IIumor--A Squi"ung Jury.

Original IIunOr-- A Squirting Jury.
Once upon a time. or to be little more
particular, nearly half a century ago, (for
the editor of this paper we'll remembers
time place and scene, which are firmly
fixed upon his boyish recolleciions, there
dwelt in the town of-in old England, !
remarkable oddity. in the person of an
attorney at law, who, although not fair to |
look upon. Cor he was, in truth one |
ofthe homliest specimens of humanity !
ever beheld by mortal man. was withaI
person of sound Judgment, great be.
nevoence, varied learning, a poet,
painter, and wit of no mean order.
1t so happened that the aforesaid gen.
tleman, Ga""G"a*, Esq. was appointed
High Sheriff of the town Of. He
was man of fortune and had a kind
heart, as many prisoner could testify.
who partook of the good cheer with which
lprisoners were literally supplied at
Christmas and other well known festivals,
from the private purse of the High Sher-
ili 1t was, Of course the duty of the
High Sheriitto summon a Grand aud pc.
tit Jury, to attend at the quarter sessions
. of which the Recorder. Mayor and AL
derman of the borough composed the
Coult. In the performance ofhis official
duty in summohing the petit jury our
High Sheriff indulged in some of the
strangest and drollest freaks that have
probably ever been heard ofin any other
town OF country. In the first place, he
summoned for the October Court Jury
consisting of twelve of the fattest men he
could find in the borough, and when they
came to the book to be sworn, it appear
D ed that only nine jurors could sit comfor-
tably within the box! After great dea
= of sweating, squeezing and scolding, the
: pannel was literally jammed into the box,
and when seated, they presented to the
eyes of the court, the barristers and the
audience, the tightest fit of jury that
=. was ever seen in any court room. Lit
:. orally they become much to the amuse
4 ment of the court and its robed advocates
"a packed jury and no mistake!
n For the January term, our factiou
ia High Sheriff lin consequence. it was sai'
~ of some hint from the Recordert that ther
II should be no more fat rannes summoned
r to the court,) went in the opposite ex
:, treme. He summoned twelve of thu
70 leanest and tallest men he could find il
!. the borough; and when they took the
Ia seats in the box, ii appeared compare
n lively empty-there was indeed room e
Il nough for twelve more of the same sor
Q, and dimensions. .... ..... .......
le For the April term ofthe court our hu
i. morous funclionary summoned jury con
s. ssting of twelve BARRIERS! Now it s
n happened that among the latter were tn
ell very perriqnirors who dressed the Re
re corder's and barristers' wigs, and some q
S. the latter arriving late at the bar, had t
m appear that morning in court with thel
ID wigs undlessed or half dressed. so as t
tn cut very ridiculous fxure amidst tn
Sc smiles and half suppressed laughter {
he The bystanders. The High Sheriff, (
e. course. enjoyed the fun amazingly, bl
e. looked grave as a Judge while he trie
%. TO silence the court room.
ut But the crowning Joke of this waggis
ne functi onary occurred at the summoniu
of his fourth and last jury at the summ'
session in July. For that term of Il
=, court the High, Sheriff not having Il
q, Gu fear of the Recorder, the Mayor and tn
y. Alderman before his eyes, actually sun
a., a. moned aSquinting jury! twelve as que
=! looking bipeds as eyer took their seats
~ a jury box--a jury that was probab
' more looked at and laughed at than al
q" of the appointed twelve that ever we
I've I've sworn to 'weIl and truly try and true d
." liverance make between their Soverei!
a. a. Lord the King and tine prisoner at the ba
'"' But the scene was so irresistibly dr'
us that the Recorder could not maintain t
ny gravity. The Mayor and Alderman f
:" lowed suit Thebarristers laughed whi
III their wigs became bald and powderle
'I 'I nay even the poor prisoners in the doc
-: l"e who were to be put upon their trial, a
=. some of them undergo transportatit
vs. 70 could not ref ain from joining in the &c
u' eral cachination! And when the leal
-o' ed Recorder commanded the High SHE
ih to bring the court room to order, a
,nd minated, with half suppressed laul
ne that the latter ought 10 be ashamed
ing himselffor summoning such a jury,
ne, drollery ofthis court scene was heghte
ers ed considerably by the quick. ready
ow'' norous reply of the High Sheriff. wi
mi, looking at the same time waggishly at
al Squirting Jury, exclaimed--'All go
Vrl- and Lawful men, your honor" '.
-" = !" But our humorous functionary has 10
oW- since .sbuffled off this mortal coil h'