Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1849-12-25
A Squirting Jury!

Once upon time, or to be little more
particular, nearly half a century ago, (for
the editor of this paper well remembers
the time, place and scene, which are firmly
fixed upon his boyish recollectlons) there
dwelt in the town of --i Old
England, remarkable oddly, in the
person of an attorney at law, who al
though not fair to look upon, (for he was
in truth one of the homeliest specimens OF
humanity ever beheld by mortal man) was
withal person of sound judgment, great
benevolence, various learning, poet,
painter, and wit of no mean order.
1t so happened that the aforesaid gen
tleman G**@&% G** Esq, was appointed
High Sheriff of the town of --.
He was man of fortune and had kind
heart, as many a poor prisoner could
testify, who partook of the good cheer
with which the prisoners were literally
supplied at Christmas and other well
known festivals, from the private purse
of the High Sheriff.
1t was of course the duty of the High
Sheriff to summon Grand and Petit Jury,
to attend at the Quarter Sessions, OF which
the Recorder, Mayor, and Aldermen, OF
the borough composed the Court. In the
performance of his official duty in sum-
moning the petit jury, our High Sheriff
INDUCED in some of the strangest and drol-
lest freaks, that have probably ever been
heard of in anyother town or country
In the first place he summoned for the
October court, jury consisting of twelve
of the latest men he could find III the
borough, and when they came to the book
to be sworn, it appeared that only nine
Jurors could sit comfortably within the
box! After a great deal of sweating,
squeezing and scolding, the panel was
literally TANNED into the box, and when
seated, they presented to the eye of the
court, the barristers and audience, " the
highest fit of jury that was ever seen
in anv court room. Literally they be-
came, much to the amusement OF the
Court and its robed advocates, "packed
Jury, and no mistake!
For the January term, our facehous
High Sheriff lin consequence, it was said,
of some hint from the Recorder that there
should be no more fat panels summoned
to his court went into the opposite eX-
treme, He summoned twelve OF the
leanest and tdllest men he could ind IN
the borough, and when they took their
seats in the box, it appeared comparative
w empty-there was indeed room enough
for twelve more Of the same sort and dl-
mansions.
For the April term of the court, our hui
morous functionary summoned a jury
consisting of twelve BARRIERS Now 1t so
happened that among the latter were the
very perruquiers who dressed the RecOr-
der's and barrister's wigs, and some OF
the latter, arriving late at the bar, had TO
appear that morning in court, with their
wigs undressed or half dressed, so as to
cut very ridiculous figure, amidst the
smiles and half suppressed laughter of the
bystanders. The High Sheriff of course
enjoyed the fun amazingly, but locked
"grave as Judge" while he tried TO keep
silence IN the court room.
But the browning joke of this wagglsh
OCCuItu DIT lIlO vi
his fourth and last Jury at the Summer
Session in July. For that term of the
Court, the High Sheriff not having the
fear of the Recorder, the Mayor, and the
Aldermen, before his eyes, actually sum.
moned Squirting Jury! twelve as queer
looking bipeds, as ever took their seats in
a jury box--a jury that was probably
more looked at ard laughed at, than any
of the appointed twelve that ever were
sworn 10 g well and tru,' v try and true
deliverance make, between tncr Sove
reign Lord the King, and the prisonei' a
the barr
But the scene was so iFresistibly droll
that the learned Recorder could not main
tain his gravity. The Mayor and Alder
men followed suit. The barristers laugh
ed while their wigs became bald ant
powderless nay, even the poor prisoners