Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1849-09-28
From the Raleigh Times.
From the Raleigh Times.
CONTEST OF WIT BETWEEN TOM
HOMES AND THE JACKASS.


fectly sober. But unfortunately for him-and
also for the quiet villagers where he bad his
domicil-he too often attempted TO examine
the planetary system through the bottom Of a
tumbler; and 10 brighten his. vision before he
commenced his astronomical Investigations, he
had way of half filing his glass with Ex,
tract of Rye. BY law of Hydrostatics, the
perverse fluid was sure to fall out from this
singular telescope, before the philosopher had
it elevated TO the proper angle. And II IS
thought, by some, that large portion OF the
descending liquid accidentally found lis way
into the mouth. and trickled down he throat
Of the beWildered stargazer. True 1t Is, that
between whiskey and the moon, Tom Jones
! became subject to periodical lunacy; and IN
these erratic moods was wont TO serenade the
villagers with divers owlings and howlings
that made night hIdeous causing the ears OF
the cd 10 Jingle, and the hearts OF Young ur
chins 10 quake with fear. But Toms crown
ing glory was 10 heat a Jackass at hraylng-
He had practised these JackasStcal lntonatlons
by day and by night, in season and out OF sea-
son, al home and abroad, until not Donkey
in the land but would havsbe proud to call
him-hrother. Many time, and oft in the
dead hour Of night, have the quiet and order
! " citizens of - been startled from their
sweet dreams by a sonorous John Donkeyism
from his sientorian lungs-and even the
. Deep soIilules and awful cells" for miles
around, had become familiar with the sound,
as Tom, in his vagaries through the woods.
would often lift up his voice and bray for the
beneti, OF the denizens of the forest.
/ Ii happened that at May Term of ---
Court, in the year 49,. an unusual number
! OF free horses graced the Court green-each
held at long law by his groom, and circling
! about with divers genutiexions and other an
| tics, was evidently displaying his parts 10 the
! best advantage, and bespeaking the largest
amount Of patronage. When all were, as
usual, RECALLING their eyes with this exhibition
| OF High B!oods-s' Make room for Buckle
! phaiuS ~ exclaimed some one behind and
along came a Donkey about three feet high,
! IN fail sleeps gallop, bestrode by a ong-leg
ged, dangling rider, who, by his regular vi
brations, seemed 10 be propelling living We
locipede. A burst of laughter welcomed the
| young ass and his master '''mang better folk"
as they wheeled into ranks and constituted
/ themselves 6 art and part' Of this display Of
amateur cavalry
Now this newly arrived quadruped was
youEg GEi unsophisticated. 1t was his first
appearance upon any stage; and sentiment
tai observer could easily have detected blush
stealing over his honest face, and creeping
IDENTIFY been brought up in a sort of nunnery,
which he Unexpectedly found himself.
| While his neighbors of high blood were
! proudly prancing and neighing, and giving
themselves sundry airs which betokened a
! grevoGs want of mo1esty and decorum, our
young innocent hung his head for very shame
| He seemed 10 be sinking within himself. At
last the eye OF Tom Jones, who was then in
one of his ways, fell upon the meek young
creatuTe-and the fun OF the thing was ire
slsIble. Does your mamma know you're
GU" ~ asked Tom Of the Jackass. The poor
! catechumen only replied by a look of sadness.
1t betokened n broken heart He thought of
home, and the big tear stood in his eye
" Come. come, Buck-ee, said his groom, this
will never do. Hold up your head and be a
man. Nobody shall hurt ye." The poor fell
low seemed to understand perfectly the kind
meaning Of his master, and by way Of return,
uttered a feeble but grateful bray. Tom came
haca at him with 4 genuine burst, rolled out
with due Jackasstcal cadence and finish
Dye hear that? You can't bray" says he
with contemptuons sneer Poor Johnny
! seemed chap-faIIen sure enough, and looked
wiStluily on the ground up and at him.
said the groom cheeriIy. ':Ooo-ugh ! 600
| ugh ooo-ugh oo-uh 0 u ugh r' says the
! little Jack, pIucking up courage for the com
/ bat and cooking his eye at his competition
/ But it would moi do Tom squared himself
directly lii frost, and raised such an immortal
bray as could not have been improved had he
praCtised under the most accomplished French
or Italian masters of Donkey dom. In fact it
seemed as if dozen of the best asses from
the kingdom of Bray had been condensed and
concentrated within Toms bowels, and were
| pouring fourth their richest asinine melody
from his anthropicaI throat. It was too much.
The little fellow incontinentIy dropped and
withered. He sighed but IS spak rae MAR"
! His young heart died within him, and he new
er smiled again. In short, the real Donkey
caved inland he who had only made himself
one " for the nonce,' stood alone in his glory.
He walked in triumph about his humbIed an
tagonlst. He ciFcumnav;gated him as it were
with contumelous and contemptuous re
proaches. He advised him 10 go home and
practice till he had learned his lesson better.
and by all means never TO presume to bray
agIn gentleman again. until he how TO Go il
respectably''
With this advice, and passing remark that
the little fellows broughten-up had moi been
much,'' Tom stalked ofto some other part of
the Court Yard, 10 shew his parts-and his
cowed adversary returned to his mother, to
practice lessons for future day. ..--
I 4 Wife an Trouble Pray tell me, my
dear, what is the cause Of those tears
'Oh, such a disgrace!' "
'What-what is it, my dear Do not keep
me in suspense ..s :