The Columbia Democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, 1849-08-25
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Newspaper Subscribers.

The following Classification Of newspaper sub.
scrlbers we take from the Prarie Farmer, and
from our ownexpeFienCG we can say that the plc'
ture Is drawn as natural as life itself First comes
the
UpRIGHTs. These are men who take
newspapers, pay for them and read them.
Observe the order in which these things
are done: The pay comes frst--the rea-
ding next, These men consider they get
the worth of their money inthe bargain
kyeems justandfair tofhem that the news
paper should be paid as barrel Of sugar
or a new coat. They never entertain any
other opinion. When the year runs out,
or a little before, they are on hand with the
pay. There is no more difficulty with
them in remembering this period than
Sunday or the first of Jan. If one ofthem
wishes to stop his paper, he either calls or
writes letter by his postmaster, in due
season, like a man. This class is dear to
the heart of the editor. Their image is
embalmed in his warm affections. May
they live thousand years, and see their
sons TO the fourth generation. The second
class now in mind is the
Do WELLS. This class is nearly related
TO the Other--sO near that it is hard 10 tell
where one begins and the other ends.--
These men always pay in advance in the
beginning, and intend to do so continually,
But memory fails little, or some miShap
intervenes and the time runs by some
times little sometimes quite period.
But their recollection though nodding oC>
casionally, never gets sound asleep. 1t
pronounces the word in due time, 1.-The
printer is not paid" and forthwith their
will to do well, kindles into activity. Now
comes the paying up-"Meant to do SO
before. Don't mean to leave such things
pass by" Apublisher can live with such
men. They have warm place in his
mory-only little back of the Up
rights. Ifsuch a man dies in arrears, his
wife or son remembers that part of the
benefit was theirs, and estate or no estate,
see that the printers bills are not among
their fathers unsettled accounts. Now
comes the
EASY Doors. -. These men believe in
newspapers. They have settled in their
own minds that newspaper is a good
thing. They take them too. Sometimes
at the first they pay up for the first year
at any rate they meant to, pretty soon. If
they have done so, they sit down with the
comforting conviction that their newspa-
per is now settled for; and this idea hay-
ing once got into their heads refuses obsti-
nateIy to be dislodgCd, but keeps its hold
from year to year-a truth once---now an
illusion, gray and rheumatic with years.
The editor thinking the elongated and
elongating space in the accounts current of
their dollars, begins to ask if they are dead,
or gone TO California. Now he begins to
poke bills at them. They suddenly start
up to the reality that they are in arrears ;
and like men as they are at the bottom, they
pay up. They never dispute his bills
they know books tell better stories than
moss covered memories. If the publisher
has faith enough or long purse, and can
live alternating year, he may survive
men. But if he is mortal, only woe be to
him. The next class is that ofthc
Down HILLERs.-IIere we begin to
slide over to the other side. The picture
suddenly grows sombre. We shall des'
match the downhiIlcrs suddenly, One of
these may take a paper because his wife
wants it. one of the children are Jealous to
read lt--or a noighbor persuades him.
When 1t begins to come he dismisses all
thoughts about it further. If the editor
sends a man directly to him at the end OF
two or three years, he may get some pay
for his paper, but with growlj and surly
looks. lie never pays any debt, II he can
get rid Of 1t, and newspaper least ol all.
Still he hates law suits and constables and
all that A dun has the same effect on him
that buIlc. does on a hlPPoPotamus--
gImcing from hls hide, or sinking INTO the
huhber harmless lie is aIways sliding
down hill, soon merges into another class
! that Of