The Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1846-1852, 1849-09-07
Gbe Eanrasttr Ga;ette.
Another letter FROM Major Downing
Mason AND DIxoS's SIDE OF SALT RIVER,

August ii, 1917
MY DEAR Mr.. RICHIE; Yon don't know
how glad be TO see how you have spunked
up since my last letter to you. You are
rally giving it to the corrupt and imbecile
Administration" pel-mell. should think
every "dolt," and every "butcher," and
every "Nero" among 'em must have a
bunged eye by this time. You do now give
it to 'em right and left about right. Uncle
Joshua says you are the Tom Hyer OF our
party, and can whip any body the feds can
bring into the ring. But now begin to
feel uneasy for fear you will overdo yourself
and break down, and then we shan't have
nobody to take care Of us. Don't you re-
member the story Of the tame elephant that
was used to help launch vesselsl One time
they put him to launch vessel that was too
heavy for him. After he tried once or twice
and couldn't start it, the keeper called out,
stake away this lazy beast and bring anoth
er." At that the poor elephant reused up
and put his head to the vessel again, and
pushed and strained himself so hard that he
fell down and died. Now don't want you
to do SO. When writ that letter to you
two or three weeks ago to rouse you up a
littlp, didn't mean to make you so furious
that you should run your head agin the ad-
ministration so haru as to break your neck,
or'strain Yourself so much as to fall down
dead. Nor didn't mean that you should
kill off the Administration, smack, smooth,
as dead as herrings, in two months. meant
10 give you two or three years to do it in.
ANY time before next election would do.
If you should kill 'em all right off before we
have time to choose any body to take their
places, you would have all the Government
on your own shoulders, and Pm afraid il
would be too much for you. SO thiAk YOU
had better try to cool down lIttle; it amt
prudence to keep so hot all the time. That
is, | mean on your own account, tor fear
you should overdo yourself and break down.
And then again there is such thing as
drawing too long bow to hit the thing you
shoot at. MAJOR Longbow used to be quite
unucky in that way. You can make folks
believe midding sized fish story, if you tell
it well; but if you try to back 1t up with a
tarnal great cock and bull story, they'll 60
right back again and swear they don't be-
lieve the fish story. It's dangerous loadin
guns too heavy, for then there's no know
ing which will get the worst Of it, him that
stands before the muzzle or him that stands
behind the britch. So hope you'll try to
cool down a little, for am satisfied since
my last letter, you are firing away your am.
munitlon too fast. And, besides, don't
think its right for you at your time Of life
to be fighting so hard. Nor don't think it
necessary nuther; for things is brghtenin'
up all over the country. Our party Is all
coming together again, and going to carry
all afore 'em. It'st the hocks and herds
of our party has been dreadfuy broke up
and scattered about. The oxen didn't know
their owners, and sleeps hadn't no shep-
herds, and the Taylor wolves has been prowl-
ing about the country and carried off great
many of 'em. Blu. from what | hear all
over the country now, am satisfied they
are all coming together again, and on new
PLATFORM and that platform is Mtson and
Dirons's side of SAT- River. Mr.. John Van
Buren, is shoe shooing all over the Northorn
States, and drivin of 'em up and heaGin 'em
all as fast as he can towards Mason and
Dixon side Of Salt River. Mr.. Calhoun in
the Southern states is whistlng round his
springy rattan, making the hair and skin fly
and headjn 'em all up towards Mason and
Dixon's side of Salt River. And Col. Ben
ton is cracking his long whip all over the
great Western country, and headin 'em all
across the prayries towards Mason and Dix.
on's side of Salt River. And Gineral Cass
stands, you know, where he always has
stood, on Mason and Dixon's side of Salt
River, with handful OF salt in one hand
and a nub ofcorn in 'tother, and lookin all
round calling OF 'em to come to him and
he'll feed 'em. So you see have every
thing to encourage us. Things look bright
ahead. 1t won't be long before all the flock;
and herds of our party will be got together
on this new platform on Mason and Dixon'S
side of Salt River; and then we'l have
things all our own way, and Glueral Taylo:
and the 'Vilmot Proviso may go to grass.
Podcript.--My dear old friend: I've jest
got the Union of last Thursday, Fam a
mazingly struck up, aud my feeins is badly
hurt, to see that you've got so bewildered
that you seemingly don't know me. It's q
melancholy sign when old folks get so be
wildered that they mistake their oldest and
best friends one for 'tother. Why, YOU
head is turned right round. How could you
say that | was "a 6xtictious Major JACK
Downing!" and that my last letter to you
was a "trashy forgery;" and that you woulC
"strip the mask from mel" | feel bad now
about writing my last letter to you; for Pu
afraid you toek it too hard agin the Admin
istration that it's turned your head. | beg o
you now, my dear friend, to let all drop righ
where It's; leave Mr.. Burke TO do the barkir
and the Gghtin, and you go right out in the
country and put yourself under the 'cold wa
ter cure somewhere, aud SEQ if your head
won't come right again. "hctlcous,
and you are going to "strip the mask from
me' Why, my dear friend, If you could
only be up here five minutes on our new
platform, on Mason and Dixon's side of Salt
River, aud jest lift the mask offmy face one
minute, you'd know me jest as easy as the
boy knew his daddy. Your head conld'n
be so turned but what you'd see then thu
very same old friend that stood by you ant
Gineral jackson fifteen, sixteen, and elgh
teen years ago; the same old friend tina
coaxed up Gineral Jackson and made hin
forgive you for calling him hard names be
fore he was elected. It's very ungratefu
for you to forget me now, that is, if you wa
in your right mind. For Pm the same oil
Jack Downing, that was born and brough
upin Downingville, away down east in tn
State of Maine, and that drove down t
Portland in Jinnerwary, 1880, with a loa
of axe-handles and bean-poles, and toun
al oil ID