The Middlebury galaxy. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1848-1850, 1849-04-10
MISCELLANY.
LIFE INSURANCE:
OR, THE REASON WHY Mr.. sAM'L PoPKIN
COULDN'T GET A POLICY.

Samuel Popkin, Esq, was a bachelor.-Mr.
Popkin was well enough off in the world--as
the phrase goes-but Mr. p. had two maiden
sisters of an uncertain age" who feared that
their dutiful and affectionate brother might
pep off suddenly some fine day, and leave
them minus; ior-though he enjoyed very
handsome income from his profession, as book
keeper for the house of Makepenny & Co.
it would avail the maiden ladies nothing after
his death e; and they urged upon him to apply
for Life Assurance, to be made over 10 them
in case of accident-and so he attended to
their joint request forthwith.
Mr.. Popkin was growing fat. That is
people of ordinary minds would say so-but
his sisters didn't like gross phrases, and so they
said he was only getting "portly.'-Re this as
it may, however, Mr.. p. was very thick, and
very short in stature, and when waddling
down State street towards the scene of his dai-
ly business, he very much resembled an up
right diminutive gin-pipe, locomoted by a
brace of ten-pins. His eyc was small, and
round, and dark-and when excited, appeared
very like black glass bead, half buried in a
fresh oyster. His cheeks were like two bounc-
ing Baldwin apples, and the distance between
his fat chin and his chest was so brief-taking
into the account constant habit he had OF
wheeling, when over-excited-that it seemed
doubtful whether there was any room there for
windpipe! Mr.. Popkin always breathed
Through his nose"
But Mr.. PoPkin had examined the adver-
tisement and circulars of the % Mutual Prop
em-up Association" and having bagged COM
Portable dinner (Mr p. never ate any Others
he sailed forth to wait upon the agent, for the
purpose Of applying for life-insurance. The
door Of the agent was directly adjoining that
of brokers' office, and mistaking the en-
trance, Mr.. Popkip entered the latter. where
two or three of the b'hoys-clerks to the bro
ker-were assembled an hour after dinner,
with no business upon their hands, and ripe
for little fun.
Mr.. Popkin made known the object of his
call, in his customary bland and artless man.
ner, when the eldest of the trio winked at his
companions, and informed the applicant tina.
they were ready to wait upon him. After
turning the fat gentleman round several times,
until his head swan like top, the foremost Of
the rascals suddenly jaDmed his hat down over
his eyes, and begged him TO be seated which
request Mr.. Popkin was about to comply with,
very gratefully, when the chair was dexterous-
ly withdrawn from behind him and he came to
the floor in contact with an earthen spittoon
MHlfU CUdllCeu u DC near illIil, lUc
causing a sensation which he declared one of
the most exIronerry" he ever experienced in
the whole course of his life
But it seemed purely an accident; and Mr..
Popkin with one hand raised his hat from over
his rose, and applied the other vigorously TO
the location of the thump he received in his
fall In a moment after, he had SCOT to rights"
and drawing up the chair, submitted to be
questioned.
"Name, residence, and occupation ?" said
his interrogation.
"Popkin, sir; Samuel Popkin, Esq, Benson
street, accountant"
Where born ?"
"United States" said Mr.Popkin.
1" United States" echoed the questioner,
turning gravely to one Of his companions
&" he's Native American VIII that do 2"
The other nodded his head seriously, and
Mr.. Popkin began to find the room very
warm.
cage, Mr.. Poppin ?"
"Pop-KrN, if you please, SIR"
"Well-:your age, Mr.. Popkin."
Forty-four'
Married ?"
"No-bless your SOUL No, sir !" said
Mr.. P. vehemently.
"Ever had the smallpox. Mr.. Pokpin p
"Never. Popkiu, if you please, sir" added
the applicant.
Ever had any affection of the hearth
"No, sir Mr.. Samuel Popkin is bache-
lor."
"Have you ever met with any serious acct
dent ?"
"Never. That is-beg your pardon
continued Mr.. p, checking himself quickly,
and seeming to recollect something of conse-
quence-" there ,cas a slight accident"
What was it, MIR. Popkin-no secrets, if
Some eleven years ago." said Mr.. P,
sravely-and he wiped the perspiration from
his glistening forehead it was eleven years
this fall"-
"Well, sir, out with tout with it"
alt was no fault of mine, sir-but l was
turned out of the Boston Custom House,
"Turned out of the Boston Custom-Hous !"
exclaimed the auerist, letting fall his pen in
amazement, and staring at the applicant, ap-
parently thunder-struck.
Il trust, sir,this does not render me ineligi-
BILE by the rules of your Association" contin-
ued the applicant, terribly alarmed.
We shall see, Mr.. Poppin.'
"Pop-KIN, sir" chimed in the fat man, again
and raising his handkerchief to his fevered
cheeks, once more he wiped away the sweat
from his face, and wished himself safely at
nome.
The clerks put their heads together few
minutes, and the eldest then rose very solemn
ly, and approaching Mr.. P. with large trum-
pet, placed the bottom of it directly against
the side of his ear, and yelled lire !" as loud
as his stentorian lungs would permit, causing
the unsuspecting and quiet gentleman from
his chair into the centre Of the room.
every nervous temperament" said the ex
aminer, gazing at him, while one of the others
pretended to write down the fact. Then. as if
the thought had just struck him, his tormentor
wheeled out the desk from against the wall,
and turning to Mr. fopkin, he said
" Now, sir-.jump"
"Bless me Do what 7"
"Jump, sir-over that desk"
Impossible r'
d" You must jump clear of the top of that
dae1- POptip WON'T ho