The Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1846-1852, 1849-11-30
The Spoiled Ioke.

nave f"rmed a matrimonial allanc,
which for peace and happiness wnull
have been heralded To the world as al
anomaly Of welded life.
The Squire was one Of those good ma
'ured souls, always To he found loiterinG
around the village hotel, drinking gin
ioddIes, and listening 10 all the village
gossip ahoat; his chief delight. however
was TO harken 10 the mirth moving JEST
Of his friend Joe, who was something o
wag, and author Of all the practical
Jokes that were perpetraied in our vii
Iage, and it was equally pleasant to Joe
70 relate them, hence the intimacy exist
ing between the two friends. But not.
wIlhsIanding the high esteem in which
Joe held his venerable friend, it did moi
prevent him from selling" him occasion.
ally; hut this. you must know. was only
when he could get no other subject in
which case The Squire always laughed at
his own expense, declaring joke To be
as good upon himself as upon another.
Upon the night To which my story re.
at"S, some six or eight Of Us were com.
i"rtably seated around The bar.room
stove, enjoying our half common cigars,
when joe made his entrance. after pro.
'racled absence to ueighboring town
"i f'00 ddyS. We will pass over the nu.
merous kind greetings and hearty wei.
comes with which he was re ceived, when
amidst torrent of questions aud answers,
the Squire made himself heard with
any fun whilst you was gone; Joel'
Yes" was Joe's hesilating reply.
Il came very near having a good nne on
Chris. but-but-didut work right-got
spOiLed."
Spoiled! What! howl" eagerly de-.
manded the Squire.
well. III tell YOU" and Joe having
provided himself with one of the afo, e.,
mentioned cigars, (iuCentral Ohiu think
they call them 'Bruuner's best.") adjust.
ed his chair against the wall. and proceed
ed with his story:
You see | went down tn Scriqpins.
port. on purpose to see Chris-got there
about dark, and found he had gone out
To uncle Bill Blake's. You all know
Chris is after one Of the girls. Well
knowing he wouldn't be back 10 long in
the short hours, when the landlord want.
ed To shut up. | walked up stairs into
Chris room aud got into his bed | knew
the ways Of the house-back door always
left open for the benefit of late boarders.
So making my calculation for some rare
sport, concluded would be a Dutch.
man in Chris bed by miStske-a biped
which you know Chris abhors. Oh!
Squire, | had it All planned beautifully
About two o'clock | would be awake, and
hear him open the back door and come
creeping up stairs in the dark. Law
perfectly quiet. only snouring as loud as
Juvenile thunder" until he got into the
room, when | raise up; just as though
the noise of the door walked me, and sings
out, as much like Hans DIETRICH. The
Dutch stage driver as could:
'Vos Wit tu?"
"Ah?" says Chris.
"COnst tn feichl'
Constance who"
" Vat you rants in mine room, ehl"
Your room!-i,s my room!"
Ma, tish mine room-vat YOU want
here? Thinks you come for to steal my
gelt-l thinks you vun tuyful robber."
why. you darned Dutch fool, this is
my room," roars Chris, in rage.
"VOS SOcs tn?-ich seine und ich bin
tarn teich tool. and saiting the action
10 the word, spring up, and catching hold
of big cane which stood next the head
ofthe bed. makes at him. At the first
lick | misses Chris, but knock looking
glass that hangs against the wall into fif.
ty thousand pieces. At this Chris takes
the door. but in his hurry over.turns the
wash stand. and smash 60 the pitcher and
basin on the floor, whilst Chris takes a
run and jump down stairs. Just as
get To the room door, Two ladies', all dres.
Sed up in Vh,te. rush out of the next room,
screaming murder" at the top of their
voices, having been awakened by the
smash of the crockery. In fact. the whole
house is in an uproar, aud all the lodg.
ers rush into the passage, with shouts Of
whats the matterr '6re!' 'ihieves! rob.
bers!' whilst to help the matter, | sings
out in suppIicating tone of voice-"for
Heavens sake don't shOOtl"
This produces a change in the per.
formance. Impressed with the idea that
firearms are to be used, and not knowing
which way they were pointed, and fear
ing for their personal ecurity some throw
themselves down on the floor, whilst 9th.
ers betake themselves to their rooms a.
gain. At this stage ofthe affair. the land
lord appears with light, closely follow.
ed by Chris, who is giving him Hail Co.
lumbia," for putting big Dutchman in
his bed. With the light came a more
general understanding ofhow things stood
Some gentleman who, 10 escape The ex.
pected discharge ofpstols, had got into
the wrong rooms. were conducted back
to their own.--I denied all participation
in the matter, affirming that it all occur
red in the room adjoining, but appearauc-
es were very much agains. me. for upon
inspection, the broken glass, wash. bowl
and pitcher are found in my room, whilst
the adjoining is occupied blythe aforesaid
ladies', who were actually mad at the part
they were made to act in The play.
"And now" said Joe, after the laugh
ofthe Squire had partly subsidized, wasn't
it too bad TO have SO good a joke spoledP
uCno;laJ1 ham s,,nilnl ~ paoerlv in |