Washington telegraph., 1849-05-02
THE PATENT RAG CHEWER.

In village not many hundred miles
from this place, there is established pa
ger mill, which attracts no small share
of attention from the curious, and elicits
many visit, as all are anXions of seeing
the process of converting old rags into
paper. 1t sometimes happens that those
crowds of admirers of the marvellous,
contain among their number some of
those real matter of fact kind of fellows
who like to know something of cause as
well as effect, which may he illustrated
by the following dialogue
"I say stranger, how do you get 'em
'ere rags fine enough for making paper ?"
I'VE have men employed to chew
them, sir, replied the paper man.
"To what to chew did you say %
Eyes, tC chew them to be sure-did
you never hear Of chewing rags to make
paper".'
know what kind of wages you give, case
I've got a little the best set of teeth you
ever did see.' said the green 'un, grinning,
and gnashing at the same time, i'll
way of exhibition, with fury that made
the jesting proprietor quake, lest the joke
should turn against him in the form of
personal combat.
"I see, [ see, replied I've of the paper
mill, stepping back 81 never saw bet
ter set of teeth for business. Well, we
give experienced hands 81 so per day,
and new beginners we give $1-do you
think you W ould like the business, sir ?"
eyes, su-2ee and the wages too re-
piled the other with delight
every WE'LL sir, yon may set in now for
a month, and at the expiration of that,
we no doubt will raise your wages
Here, you may commence this'-han,ling
an old saddle blanket to his much de-
lighted applicant, who took it and sat
down to his task, with as much sang froid
as an epicure would to a we'll roasted
piece OF beef.
"I say old pard, do you think that ar
blanket will stand me any of my time at
all? Why, [ could chew it all smash
up and swallow it before you tell what
time the sun sets by Elton's Almanac"
He set to work like juvenile steam
engine, his heavy teeth grinding as if
they We're millstones, the dust flying, but
desperately intent on earning good Iirang
wages. though the labor was decidedly
bad living With the veracity of Ben
gal tiger, and spirit worthy of better
cause, the martyr to the progress of
science continued his task, wondering
beyond expression, in his own mind, how
many hands, or rather how many sorts
&c st 10 +h />f
that "tarnation big mill" But it was
in vain that the heavy jaws wagged, and
the sharp teeth crushed, the pile of chew
ed rags did not seem to grow very fast;
and to add to the machines feelings of
rising Indignation, crowd began to
gather around to witness the singular
spectacle of human opposition to the
rag-breakers. shaking the whole building
from another apartment.
"What ia tarnation are you gapin' at"'
at last exclaimed the rag chewer through
a mouthful of rags in a state of mastica-
ton. "Drat ye, thar is fifty rag spillin'
machines like me up stairs, all in bunch
why dou't you GO up and see them.' .'''
The crowd looked very much delight
ed and expressed themselves very highly
pleased with his performance.
"I know I can't go it like them fellers
up stairs, for my grinders amt used to it
yet; besides, l don't believe horse blan
kets is good to start on; but | tell you,
strangers, when il comes to vittals or to-
bake, I'm thar"
The fun began to rise and with it the
rae chewer's indignation. "See here,
stranger, he beloved splitting out his last
attempt, and halloing at his employer,
who had just Appeared" Blamed to
blameation, if I'm going to sit here in
this ere way-if you don't put me up
stairs among the rest of 'em, l wont
chew up another blanket, darned if do.
what exclaimed the employer
with sober face, and very Indignantly,
sis that all you've got chewed up? And
wet, too, by thunder. Get out of this
You'll never do for this business in the
world. There's blanket ruined to all
eternity, too for you've wet every mouth
full, and how can we make dry paper out
of wet rags Come, move yourself in a
hurry"
The victim did not wait second invi-
tatlon, but went off in all speed, for fear
he should be called upon to pay for the
blanket, fully determined hereafter to
stick to his lawful business, and let paper
mills alone.
Lieut.. Duryea in the last Temperance
Advocate says: GA lady in Chester was
asked to join Division of the Daughters