Daily Richmond times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1849-1850, 1849-08-17

ANOTHER LETTER FROM MAJOR DOWNING.
Mason and Dir0n'S Side of Salt River,
Auotrst l. 1849

My DEAR Mr.. RICHIE: You don't know how glad L
be how you have spanked up since my last letter to
you You are rally giving to the corrupt and imbece
Administration" pell-mell / should think every "dolt"
and every butcher" and every Nero among em must
have bung'd eye by this time. You do give it to 'em
right and left about right Uncle Joshua saysyou the
Tom Hger OF party and can whip any body the Feds
can bring into the ring But now begin to feel uneasy
we shant have nobody to take care OF u.s. Don't you re-
member the story of the elephant that used
help launch vessels! One time they put him to launch
vessel that was too heavy for HIM After he tried once or
twice and couldn't start it, the keeper called out take
away this lazy beast and bring another. AT that the
poor elephant reused up and put his head to the vessel
again. and pushed and strained himself hard that he fell
down and died. Now don't wantyou to do so. When
writ that letter you two or three weeks ago to rouse
you up little didn't meant to make you furious that
YOU should run your head agn the Administration so hard
as to break your neck strain yourself much as to fall
down dead Nor didn't mean that you should Kill OFT
to do it in Any time before the next election would do
Ii you should kill em all right off before we have time TO
choose any body to take their places you would have all
the Government your own shoulders, and I'm afraid 1t
would be too much for you. So think you had better
try to cool down ttle it amt prudence to keep so hot
all the time That IS, l mean your own account Tor
fear you should overdo yourself and break down. And
then again there is such thing drawing too long
bow to hit the thing you shoot at NIaJor Longoow
used to be quite unlucky in that way You can make
folks believe middn sized fish story, if you tell it
well; but if you try to back it up with tanal great
cock and bull story, they'll go right back again and
swear they don't believe the fish story It's dam
oerons loadin guns too heavy, for then there's no
knowing which will get the worst OF it, hun that stands
before the muzze him that stands behind the bntc
So hope you'll try to cool down little, Tor Pm satisfied
since my last letter. you firing your ammunition
too fast And besides, don't think it's right for you at
your time of life to be fghtn so hard Nor don't think
it's necessary nuther for things bghenn up all over the
country Our payis all coming together again, and go
lug carry all aqe e Its hr the noen n ana
about The oxens didn't know their owners, and the
Sleeps hadn't Shepherds and the Taylor wolves has
been provn about the country and carried OFT great
many Of em But from what hear all over the country
now satisfied they all comm together again, and
on new PLATFORM and that platform is Mason and Drons
side of Salt RUer Mr.. John Van Buren, is shoo-shooin
all over the Northern States, and drivin OF EN- up and
headin of em all as fast he can towards Mason and
Dxon's side of Salt River Mr.. Calhoun in the South
hair and skin fly and headn EN- all up towards Mason
and Dixons side of Salt River And Col. Benton is
cracking his long whip all over the great Western coun-
try and headn em all the prayres towards Mason
and Dixons side of Salt River And Gneral Cass stands
you know, where he always has Stood on Mason and
Dixons side of Salt River with handful OF salt in
hand and nub OF other, and lookin all round and
calling of 'em to him and he'll feed EN- Soy
see we have every thing to encourage Things looks
bright ahead 1t won't be long before all the scattered
focks and herds Of party will be got together this
new platform Mason and Dixon's side OF Salt River
and then well have things all our own way, and Gneral
TAYLOR and the Wimot proviso may go to grass.
Postscript-My dear old friend I've Just got the Union
of last Thursday, and Pm amazingly struck up, and my
elns badly hurt to that you've got so bewildered
sign when old folks get bewldered that they mistake
their oldest and best friends one for other Why your
head turned right round How could you say that was
fictitious Major Jack Downing! and that my last let
ter to you trashy forgery y and that you would
strip the mask from me! feel bad about writing
my last letter to you for I'm afraid you took it too
hard and have strained yourself hard agn the Admin
sration that it's turned your head beg OF you now,
dear FRIEND let all drop right where It's leave Mr. Burke
to do the burkin and the fghn and go right out into
the country and put yourself under the cold cure
somewhere, and your head won't right again
fictitious and you gong to "strptte mask from me-"
Why my dear friend, if you could only be up here five
minutes platform, Mason and Dixons side
Of Salt River and jest lift the mask off my face one mi
mute, you'd know me just easy the little boy knew
his daddy. our head couldn't be turned but what
youdknow me; for you'd see then the very old friend
that stood by you and Gmeral Jackson fifteen sixteen
and eighteen years ago the same old friend that coaxed
III. Gneral Jackson and made him forgive you for call
ing him such hard names before he was elected. It's
very ungrateful for you to forget now, that is,
if you in your right mind. For I'm the same old
friend, the Jack Downing, that born and brought
up in Downngville, away down east in the State oil
Maine and that drove down Portland in Jnnerwary,
$780, with load ofaxehandes and bean poles and pid
the Legislator in dreadfa snar all tied and tangled nd
-sawin up and down whole fortnight, and couldn't
choose their officers. found my axehandes and behn
poles wouldn't SELL so took to polyix and went to wri
lin letters. The Legislator fout and out all winter but
kept writn and at last got en- Strengthened out lkept
wrtin for whole year. and got the politix OF Maine
pretty well settled. Then Cneral Jackson was get
ting into trouble, and footed to Washington to give
him lift. And you know always stuck by him after
wards long he lived helped INN hight the battles
with Biddles monster Bank till killed it off helped
him put down qualifications and showed exactly how it
would work lift got the upper hand in my letter about
carrying the raft ofogs Sebago Pond, when Bill
Johnson got mad and swore he'd have his log all to him
SELF and he cut the ashings and padded off on his log
aone and then his log begun to roll and he couldn't keep
steady and he got ducked head heels halt dozen
times, and come pesky being drown'd And that
wasn't all did to keep off notification and help put
down. brought my old company OF Downlngvllle ma
ltia to Washington under the command OF cousin Sar-
geant JOEL and kept there with their guns all loaded till
the danger was And used to up top OF the Con-
gess house every day and keep watch and listen OF TO-
wards South Carolina to be ready the fst moment
notification bust there to order Sergeant Joel TO march
and fire The Ginera always said the spunk showed was
what cowed notification down SO quick ana ne always
all weathers and kept writing letters from Washington to
my old friend editor OF the Portland Courier and kept
old Hickorys popularity alive among the people, and
didn't let nobody NEEDLE with his Administration to hurt
it. Well then you know, the Gnera in the summer OF
1882, started off on his grand tower down East and
went with him You remember when we get to phlla.
snothered him to DEATH and the Gineral got tired
shakn hands that he couldn't give another shake, and
come pretty tantin away and then put my hand
round under his and shook for him half hour lon
ger and made out to get through sent the whole
account of it to my old friend of the Portland Courier.
Well then we logged along 10 New York and there
you remember, we come pesky near getting ducking
when the bridge broke down at Castle Garden. |
sent the whole account OF to my old Portland friend
Well, the next day the original" Major Downing
published his first original letter in New York pa
Der giving an account of the ducking at Castle Gar
den. Nobody couldn't dispute but what this was the
true ginuine Original Downing document, although my
"vie limitations Of it had been going and published
almost every week for two years say nobody couldn't
dispute it because twas proved by scripture and poetry
last first" and poetry says coming events cast their
shadows before" So the shadows the "vile limitations
had been flying about the country than two
before the original even got along hope your head will
get settled again you through these things and
understand EN- and know jest you used to- can't
bear the idea OF your not knowing me, and thinking Pm
fictitious"
Dutry refresh your mind little; think how stood
by you and Mr. Polk, and helped you along through the
Mexican war; and how carried out dispatches from Mr..
Polk to Mr.. rist in Mexico and how carried private
message from you Gineral Taylor try out Of
him which side he was coming out on,
Good bye my dear triend hope next time hear from
you you will be recovered and your right mind so as to
know me and that amt "hctous; for you havn't
got truer friend Mason and Dixons side oSat Ri
yer than your old friend
MA QR LACK DOWNING