Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1848-07-07
Sally Sly and Jenny McKeln.
HUMOROUS REPORT on BUTTE

hoid al SOuFtJtu w ", tOlu WIN 4 rtcn ven
of humor that is capital. II is from III,
pen Of s. B. Little, of the Merrimac IN
H. Agricultural Society
"The beue6cence Of the Creator is mani
fest in so disposing our tastes, and SO adapt
ing these to the varieties with which VIZ
are surrounded, as 10 make life a scene o.
enjoyment instead Of a burden. Ii might
have been that necessary food would have
been noisome, as il is sometimes to the dis.
eased stomach, had il not pleased the Crea.
tor to have ordered it otherwise Bread is
the staff ofliie, but butter is given to make
il slip down easier and with a better relish.
But It depends something on who makes
the butter, whether il answers this purpose.
Butter made in Joe Bunker's family needs
TO be eaten in the dark then 10 make il
pass well, one or two other senses should
be laid aside-while that made by his
brother Jonathan may be eaten in the full
blaze of noon you would wish that your
neck was as long again that you might have
the pleasurable sensation of swallowing pro-
longed. A bit of the history OF their better
halves will explain the whole matter.
Joe's wife was Sally Sly-when small
girl she was sly-she would not half wash
'he milk pail but sly it away and let il sour.
She was sly at school aud did not half get
her lessons, but would have her book in
sight when reciting; but as she grew older
she learned that TO get well married she
must appear well, and so she bent all her
cunning 10 get superficial education in
everything, from roasting potato TO play
ing the piano. Poor Joe fell in love with
her, and love has no eyes'-so he married
her. But soon AFTER she entered on house
keeping, his eyesight came, he saw his fix,
that it was for better or for worse : and
he thought il was all for worse. Like
true philosopher, he concluded TO endure
what he could not avoid nor cure, and got
along tolerably well only when he came to
her buter-for his mother was a real but
ter maker. Every time he saw or tasted Of
Sally's butter he felt the horrors. Her
manner OF making butter was somewhat as
follows: she thinks it Of no consequence
whether the milk pail is sweet or sour
sets the milk in warm room, because il is
easier than to go into the cellar, and i'll
some dirt should blow into the pans she
thinks that every man must eat peck of
dirt and in no place will it slip down ca
sier than in butter-she lets cream pots be
open, and when she churns forgets the
poke; leaves the cream nearly at blood
heat that il may come quick. When she
takes it out of the churn she picks out the |
bodies of all flies and spiders-the legs and
wings are so small that they can be swal- |
lowed. She works out half the butter milk
and sets it away in warm place for use |
Poor Joe has seen much hntier Of this |
kind that he declares butter does not agree
.ysth HE ho.tth ,u,lI q
his wife wonders why he does not try it, and |
marvels that he does not keep dairy. and
make butter for market.
Jonathan was younger brother Of Joe,
and he had occasion to eat at his brothers |
enough to know why he could not eat but
ter; he declared he never would marry
without Knowing what his bread would be
buitered with. Following the bent Of his
fancy. he made several attempts at matri-
mony, and Julia Juniper almost caught him,
for there was always good butter on the Ia
Die at tea, but he was determined to know
:, who made it. On inquiry, she says, La.
me mother makes the butter; / take les
sons on the piano
WELL says Jonathan, Il want wife !
that takes lessons on the churn-I shall
look further
After several unsuccessful att ampts, and |
just ready to despair, he started in pursuit |
of stray cattle, before breakfast, and wan.
dered across the forest into the corner of the |
next town, and weary and hungry he called |
at a decent looking house and asked for |
some refreshment, which was most cordially |
granted, for the family were what were CALI |
ed Scotch Irish--in religion Presbyterian, |
and in hospitality boundless.
Here he found the butter exactly right
though the weather was hot, the butter kept
its shape as well as beeswax He ca,echis-
ed the old lady about her housewifery-
for the bread was as right as the butter
The old lady said her health was feeble
she could do but little, and Jenny had
the whole management. He made some
round inquiries concerning Jenny, aud
learned that she was hearty, lack-haired,
black.eyed lass, OF about two and twenty
and had never seen piano nor attended
ball-but knew the Assembly's Catechism
could sing Old Hundred to charm-spin
fax and darn stockings, aud was then gone
to town with butter. lie fingered, but she
was delayed, and when his excuses for stay
ing were exhausted he started. He could
not get the good butter out Of his mind,
and how il happened know not, he soon
found his way there again, and the result of
his adventure was he made wife of Jane
Mexican. And now one lump Of his but
ter is worth more than all Joe would make
in month. There's no trouble in going TO
market-the keepers of genteel boarding
houses in the neighboring villages send and !
take it at the highest market price
Now the main difference in these two
women arises from the training, though
there is 10 difference in natural disposition.
Old Madam Sly never looked on to see that
Sally done up her work right, but suffered
her to sly off her work as she chose, aud
though good housekeeper herself, was al
together too indulgent, and like some moth
ers, thought more Of getting Sally well mar
ried than of making her it for wife
whilst old Madam Mexican was determined
Jenny should be ht for any mans wife,
whether she got married or not. Perhaps
there is no more certain criierinn Inv n,h;.h |