Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1848-07-20
THE MODEL BACHELOR.

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He is waited upon by an old Iaundress who
lives he scarcely knows where. He sees
her once week, to pay her wages but
hears her every morning putting his room
to rights. He rises late He is skill(ul in
lighting fre-his practice generally of
morning. He understands the principle Of
boiling kettle, and can cook chop with
out burning his fingers. He bears all mis-
fortunes with equanlmity, and goes out with
out an oath, to take his breakfast at coffee |
shop, if he is ''out of tea" He is not as
trowers, after they have been brushed. He
has lost the keys of his drawers His tea
caddy is, also, open from morning to night,
the lock being like his means, dreadfuIly
hampered He is uncertain about the num-
Der of his shirts. He has not seen a button
for years. He cannot tell who drinks the
grog, or what becomes of all the empty bot
ties. He wonders who has taken his Wa
verify Novels, excepting the second volume
of the Pirate. He is allowed only one pair
Of boots per diem. lfhe wants clean pair
he must clean them himself, or wait till the
> following morning. His washerw oman
mends his linen-at least she charges for it.
,, He takes everything good humoredly, but
is little put out if he finds he has left his
lach-kev in his other coat, and that he can
not get in. He is little ruffied, also. W hen
he discovers the laundress has not made his
bed-on Christmas day, for instance He
plays only two insruments-,he flute and
the cornet-a- piston. He is much sought af-
> ter in society, and is great dner-out. He
can tie his handkerchief in a hundred diff
ferent ways, and cuts an orange into the
most impossible patterns. He is good
hand at carving, and rarely sends goose
into the opposite lady's lap. He makes ex
cellent rahils on the wall 10 amuse the chill
dren, and allows them to climb up his knees,
reckless of his trousers, and hang on his
neck wilhou. a groan. He shines most a,
supper party. He brews a bowl of punch.
and mixes lobster salad better than any
D man-so he says at least He sings good
song with a noisy chorus. and makes a
t speech without being "unaccusomed TO pub
lie speakng." He runs through PERSONS
health heater than anybody else, and serves
up toast in the most glowing style, but
: does not stuff society with nothing else
: all the evening. He is aimiable to the fair
e sex, and hands cups of tea and glasses Of
: negus, without spiIing them. He is in great
demand as godfather, and keeps silver
= mug on hand, ready for the occasion. He
: en- Joys his comforts, but doesn't dine al
: home, for he has no cook. lie studies his
L ease, but jumps up regularly on cold
t fn tho door if tho Ebonl.
q is repeated more than three times. He knows
y, where the best dinners are to be had about
q town, and is intimate with the shops for the
a best meat, the best fish, the best game, the
S best cigars, the best everything. He walks
e up the stairs of his chambers in the dark
IL without falling or trying at the wrong
Is door. He prides himself on knowing a
e good glass of port He is the favorite
stalking horse of the husbands, who are
,r never out at late but they are sure to
h have been with him. Every 'g lass too
~ much'' is put down to him; every visit to
j. the docks; all the haifprices at the theatre;
l. all the dinners and suppers, no matter
where, are at his persuasion. The wives
consequently bear him no great affection
~ and generally convey their opinion by cou-
- pling his name with the prefix 6 That" very
strongly Italicized. His good humor how
ever, conquers them, and he is welcome al
~ every family table. He sees everything, is
- seen everywhere, and scarcely cares any
thing for any bod y-excepling himself
,s His great object of life is enjoyment, and he
succeeds to his hearts content.
Suddenly he is missed. Fle is not seen
for weeks. He is entombed alive in bis
chambers with the govt, and only his laun-
dress to tend him at distant intervals, The
f. long days, the never ending nights, the rack
It ing pain, the cross old waman, who makes
IF favor of everything and is grateful for no.
thing, the want of comforts, the utter home
lessness Of the place, strike chill into his
heart, and he would willingly give all his
past enjoyments for one kind voice TO cheer
him, for one person whom he loved 10 be
near him. He rises from his bed an altered
II man. He finds out young niece whom
j. he has never seen. He buys house and
gives it to her, to allow him to live in it
She nurses him in all his sicknesses, and
q and bears all his ill-humor. He leaves her
e all his little property, is as kind to her as
e the govt will allow him to be, and is la
II mented at his death by one person. a,
g least,-Thus lives and dies the Model Bach
; elor
# The world is stage-men are the per-
I formers-chance composes the plece-lor-
: tune distributes the par,s-fools shift the
scene,v-p philosophers are the SPECTATORS
rich men occupy the boxes-poor men fill
e the pit-lhe fair present refreshments-folly
It makes the concert-time drops the curtain
and death closes the play.