Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1848-08-17
HOW UNCLE PoPLlN "DiD' THF
LANDLORD.

1ahANOi1Chbs
Ma, EDiroR:-ln one of the LARGEST towns
that borier the eastern bank of the Connecti-
cut. in the Granite State. there lived not
many years since, an eccentric old iellow cal
led Uncle Billy Pollin; or, more Familiarity,
and for short, Uncly Billy. Now Uncle Bit
" had a sort OF coutinual hydrophobis, which
led han TO the regard every thing OF all a.
q Ieous nature with utter adherence; and,
Ike many OF the reading community OF the
/ present day, he ielt uneasy without his regu-
lar allowance of "Spirit."
But as Uncle Billy had nothing but work
aud wits to enable him to enjoy his daily po-
%tatIons. aud his age, about 64, preventing
hIm from realizing much revenue from the for.
met source. he was often ''hard up for
change, aud therefore had to set the latter
engine in motion, which was acknowledged
by all who knew him to be OF several horse
power.
Having now brought my character upon the
stag, | will tellIyeu how he "did' the land
lord. Onc warm day in the latter part Of sum
mer, the old men found the drinking hour Of
ii A. NJ. rapidly approaching, and without
the means OF purchasing his usual dram; he
set in the shady porch OF the village inn, try
lug TO think OF some way to raise a drink.
when the landlord, who had just returned
from a p~iscatoTy excursion with a fine lot OF
trout, accosted him With
"HuilU, Uncle Billy, haint | got a fine
string at lrout2 II had a peck of new pota-
,oes now, III rave a dinner fit Tor a king"
A bright thought struck Uncle Billy. and
starting up he sdid-"Look here, landlord, if
you'il give me d quarter, Ill get you the pra-
ties IN time for dinner"
Agreed said Boniface.
Uncie Billy Immediately took basket aud
hoe, and started oft to get the ''praiies." lie
returned IN less than a quarter Of an hour,
showing that he did not 60 lar for them
He delivered the potatoes, and after receiv-
ing the quarter was about 10 return d portion
OF it Tor d dram, when mine host requested
10 know where got the vegetables, as he
should like TO get some more. Uncle Billy
answered him by saying, "Stand the drink
ing, when he gave the promised information
as follows:
You will find plenty Of 'em in your gar
den, down under the hill; that's where ! got
these"
down brown" said Bonifuce: Wont you
take "a cigar, Uncle Biliy?"
"No, | thank you" laid the old fellow, witt
as chuckle of satisfaction; II never smokes af
ter a free drink.
One day, when the landlord was busy at
tending TO the stage passengers, who had jus
arrived, Uncle Billy, whose pockets were a
gain in their oftenlime condition Of empti
ness, came hobbling up the street, as fast al
his legs could carry him, with "Mr Brown
Mr. Brown the cows are i'll your garden!"
"Well, Pm busy; so and drive them out al
quick as you can, and then come up and IL
quor."
Uncle Billy wheeled, and putting himsel
over the road like a lame duck, SOON reached
the garden and drove out the kline; an,
having returned, took his dram with good rel
ish after the exercise, and sat down in the
porch to rest himself. In a short time, Boni'
face, who had got rid OF the stage, went dowr
to tho garden 10 see how much damage the
cows had done. He could see no gap in the
fence, and but few tracks in the vicinity o
the bars; SO he concluded they must have sol
IN at this place IN consequence OF the bars be-
ing lett dow by accident.
As he came back, he saw Uncle Billy sit.
ting IN the porch, complacently smoking the
stump OF a pipe, the stem of which was Just
long enough TO bring the bow exactly undel
the point Of his nose, which looked like coal
ready TO drop in for the purpose oil Lighting
the said pipe.
"Well, Uncle Billy" said he, show do you
suppose The cows got in?"
Got ill.," says he, "why | TUX down the
bars and druv 'em in, to be sure.'--N. 7.
Spirit IF he Times.