The northern tribune. [volume] (Bath, Me.) 1847-1855, 1848-01-21
The Irishman who couldn't tell a Calf
from a Turkey

nom turkey.
Not long since, in one of the principal ho-
tells OF st. Louis boy fresh from the green
sod, who was little awkward but dreadful"
willing, was acting as waiter. Just dinner
commenced the new servant showed them
few extra touches not set down In the bill of
fare. He had evidently been drilled in the
movement of "taking off the covers and
considering this the most important evolution
performed at table, and one in which he could
show off his dexterity to advantage, he was
always keeping his eye on any motion which
resembled a signal from the head waiter to
raise these tin helmets. A gentleman called
| to him to bring some water
Certainly, sur" said he, "but hould on
mint till the tin caps are takin' aft these
dishes"
"Come along, sir, with some water" said
the impatient guest.
CAV coorse," said he, "yez can have the
wather, but don't get cranky about it; shure
its me first time here, and I'd like to get the
fling of things in a paceable way-hould your
lumber
He commenced pouring out when hist
at the upper end of the table from the head
waiter, drew off his attonton-he thought it
was the signal, and watching to be certain he
poured half the contents of the pitcher into
and over the tumbler, table, &c.
"There, bad luck to me, see what am doin.
Why didn't yez tell me to hould ups Och
but its mighty little exartion any of yez' I'D
make to prevint accidents"
"HiSt!' went the signal at the head of the
table, and setting his pitcher on the floor be-
hind him, the fresh boy hoped with slight
yelp of eH ultation, and seized the handle of
the cover.
"Faix, now I'll show 'em twist, said he
" could wanst twirl stick as supple as
anybody in the townland of Ballybraken."
"HiSt." went the signal again, and he gave
it 1irt-" hist" again, and he drew it to-
wards him but here he forgot what was
next to be done with it, and while gaping to
watch how the other servants bestowed theirs
he clapped the tin cover on gentlemans head
The boarder cursed his awkwardness, and
while retreating with the cover, and making
all sorts of apologies, he fell over the pitcher
The poor fellows cup of misfortunes was now
full.
! bad cess to his head" he muttered 81
was gettin' through it beautifully when he
stuck his dirt poAoag NV skull in the way"
"Bring me some turkey" said another gent
| as soon as Pat had gained his feet.
Turkey yis, sur wud you hav' any
thing on it ;" inquired he.
"What do you mean :" inquired the gent
in turn.
a name. don't you want some fat on it !;
something like dhrap NV gravy to make it
slide down aisys' said he.
Begone sir, and ask me no more questions"
replied the boarder very pompously.
Off started the victim, and soon returned
bearing upon the plate piece of zeal
Il told you to get turkey" said the boarder.
"And shure, there tits according to ordher,"
replied the servant.
"What tuhey" inquired the gent.
eyes, turkey!" says Pat.
"This is not turkey, sir, says the boarder.
q say it as, and be japers ought to know,
for l whit afther it, persisted the servant.
| Do you mean to tell me, sir inquired
the gentleman. in a tone of severity, that
don't know turkey from veai?'
mo, faith" says Pat Il shan't tell yez
anything of the kind, for maybe you've been
raised to the butcAeria' business, and ought to
know, but I'll take my oath that l got the
pa1e if vale it is, aft the turkey plate !''-St.
| Louis Revelae.