Anti-slavery bugle. [volume] (New-Lisbon, Ohio) 1845-1861, 1848-02-25
ELAINE
How Mrs. PandevaCk led John Pande-
vack by the Nose.


! aul i pam man, brought up in a plain
way, In a plain little town down East, and
Though at the present time 1 should proba-
by be taken by the undiscerning for one Of
he arlstocracy, there is not IA man walking
he public streets who cherishes a deeper de-
gree OF fellow feeling with the mass about
him. ! sympathize with the struggling poor,
and would idin shake the hand OF every hon
est man who is fighting his way through the
worlds adversely and chances. Notwith-
standing my interior nature (as the transcen-
dentalists would term it) is thus imbued with
the most tender emotions which can Ill the
human breast, | find there is none of that cor
dial appreciation Of my character which the
heart so iondly looks for, and in searching
the cause | am somewh hat reluctantly com
PEELED to admit that my dress and exterior
department SO dreadfully belle the inner and
hidden man, that the genus to which | be-
Icing is enormously decided by my borrow
ed feathers aud jackddw limitations Of the pea
cock.
TO speak no longer in enigmas, | proceed
to enumeIaie some Of the difficulties | have
laboied under, which ! can do in no better
way than by briefly relating a portion of my
history.
1t was my fortune (wbethur good or i'll is a
matter of o%pinion) to marry a lady belonging
10 the higher circles, whose private property,
combined with the prosperous state of my
business, gave us the ability to take our sta
ton among the celebrated and much talked
OF "uppor ten thousand" should our %inclina-
ton thus prompt us. As my personal taste
is decidedly averse to ostentation and eXlrav-
agance, | should have been content with a
plain and comfortable style Of living, but my
lady was not a person TO forego the advan-
tages which fortune had thrown in her way.
and we forthwith commenced a course of
fashionable housekeeping, fashionable visit
making, fashionable company entertaining,
fashionable airs and manners, lies and gri-
maces, which summed up gives a grand to-
Of fashionable misery. The beginning of
this routine opened a sad chapter in my his
tory, and had | not striven manfully against
its consequences and cherished a deep and
abiding veneration for the sober virtues of
my pious ancestry, | should, no doubt, ere
have concluded that mankind in general
were made for my use in particular, and the
Of truthful sentiments only betrayed
the highest degree of verdancy. Among the
minor requirements made of me by my
lady was that of grading my notice of per-
sons we met in society entirely by the caste
they belonged to, rather than by their intrin-
sic merits and the excellence OF their charac-
ter.
This requirement, | am sorry to say, was
made TO extend 10 my own relatives as well
as hers, and has resulted in the entire es-
arrangement from US of many estimable con-
nectlons, and in leading them TO regard US
as despicable, purse-proud aristocTats. ! had
been married about three months when cousin
Thomas, the crony Of my boyhood, TO whom
| had become indebted for the most hospita-
BILE agreement in after years, at his residence
in the country, came TO the city, and calling
on me at my place Of business, was induced
at my solicitation to have his baggage trans
ported to my splendid and fashionable abode
up town. Not dreaming but that my wife
would be g%ratified by the arrangement, l
started for home at night, anticipating a right
jolly time with cousin Tom in recountlng
some OF the scrapes and exploits of our early
days, and in living over again in imagina-
ton some of the blithesome scenes Of youth.
What my chagrin was, when | reached home
and found that cousin Tom was " non est an,
%rentus," can only he imagined by those who
happen to be the husbands of fashionable la
dies. "Why! how is this, Mrs. Pandevack,'
| Immediately inquired, hasn't cousin Ton
been here 7" mir. Pandeva," she replied
(eivIng the name a French twang, which
she always persisted in doing,) 81 wish you
would not be at the pains Of sending every
clodhopping countryman you meet up her,
to take board with us; there is no ~scarclt,
Of rooms, | believe, down at tho hotels, an,
| do not choose to have my house made a I'd
vern Of"
"Well! but what of cousin Tom 7"
again asked "he's here | suppose, of course
gone to lie down awhile, perhapsl"
"To lie downl No, Mr.. Pandevd, nc
here; | invited him to stay to tea with u;
and he, possessing sense enough to perceiv
that the invitation was meant to extend n
further, took umbrage at it and .decampe
quite abrubtly?"
"Why Mrs. Vandevack," | replied, "Col
sin Tom is the friend of my earlier days.
had rather sacrifice a thousand dollars tina
misuse him. | shall go Immediately in pu
suit of him."
At this, Mrs. Pandevack, apprehensive TIL
would be as good as my word, fairly bullie
me into the belief that, as Alderman Oral
stick and his lady, and some others of II
Goldfish aristocracy were 10 pay us sever
visits during the week, Cousin Tom won
10 Oul VI liz tlClucHls VI III QUIET WOIu
would feel like "a cat in a strange garre'
in the presence Of the distinguished Crabstic
and so | acquiesced in her very kind and We
hospitable arrangements.
l afterwards had to make up, in extra
t~entions to Cousin Tom out of doors, whar
lacked giving him in prog and house roo
, and this course | subsequently pursued wi
j. nearly all our country relatives who came
town.
On another occasion, some five or six We;
after marriage, Mrs. Pandevack had emplC
ed a dress-maker to come to the house, a
when | reached home at the dinner hour
that day, ! went to the nursery, as was (
quently my custom, to have a short fro
with the children. Here | found the variC
dismembered fragments of female togge
L.. such as dress bodies, skirts, strips Of wha
10 bone, calico and the like, all strewed arou
in beautiful confusion, and a neat, tidy you
= woman in the midsto of the scattered elemeI
nl plying her needle and scissors as for d