Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1848-02-25
VERMONT PHOENIX.
BrattIeboro, Friday, Feb. rs, lS4S.
Editorial 1alIespondenee.
WAsnINoToN, Jan. 2s, 1913.

wishes to DO "invitcd out" to parties, and abe
somebody" must 60 FIRST into the pastcboard
trade: and as have been "larnin" snch things,
for the benefit of your readers may be expect
cd to give them an idea of the R'odus oPerdndi.
Members of Congress are gentlemen ca c6icio.
Though they may be the refuse Of society at
home, uncivilizcd and unknown, they become
known and distinguished at Washington. The
Heads Of Departments make low bows, and are
exceedingly happy to make the acquaintance"
of new member. lie perhaps wonders little,
how he became known, and why his acquain.
lance is sought, and gives them credit for the
discovery Of merits, that he himself never dream
ed of possessing. He returns from the Capitol
to his clearinghouse some day, and is amazed
to find score or two Of cards on his table
There are the cards Of the Ministers Plcnpo-
Tertiary" of foreign powers, the representatives
of France and England, and the "Autocrat Of
all the Russias," besides others of smaller consc
quence. The Cabinet Ministers and even the
President of the Republic of the United Sts,cs,
have left cards, and Mr. Walker has been care
I ful to mention, that lie receives company on
Thursday evening. and perhaps Mr. Polk en-
closes an invitation to dinner. There is no mis-
take in it, for there is the Hon. Jonathan Snob"
written on each one of the cards. But the Hon.
Jonathan Snob is puzzled. lie can't imagine
how all these great people knew him, or why
they troubled themselves so much 10 call on him
(the poor fellow didn't suspect that the cards
were all brought by seryanis). lie scratches his
head, and begins to doubt whether he is the "in-
diwidual." To satisfy himself, he goes TO the
mirror, and surveys himself carefully all over.
He looks at the cards--they arc all spelt Hon.
Jonathan Snob" lie looks in the glass--there
he is, and nobody ever owned such ihree-cor-
nered face as that but Snob The Hon. Mr.
Snob is in a quandary, decidedly, but con,ic
ton gradually breaks in upon him As in the
examination of some old masterpiece of paint
ing the delicate ouchos of the artist are brought
out by the long, fixed gaze of the spectator, so
the Hon. Jonathan Snob begins at length to dis
cover in himself beauty and talents never before
suspected; the clouds of doubt disperse, and his
features gradually relax ito complacent smile
Yes, it is so--thc Hon. Mr. Snob wakes up a
great man. Henceforih, the mirror will be con-
suited daily; the shirt-coIlar viii be carefully adj
jus,ed; the fashionable hat (mnus rim) will
be jauntily put on and the Hon. jonathan Snob
will be seen Of a morning, with head erect. kid
gloves, cane, and cyeelass, slowly and gracefully
meHndcriag down the Avenue.
You and ], dear reader, who have no vote in
Congress to give to the President or his Cabinet.
shall not have, fear merit enough to attract the
notice of the digni,ares at Washington, unless /
we invest little in the pasieboard trade. To 1
do this, we will direct our cards to all distin- 4
guished official dignitaries of the city, being \
careful to write them our address. This be- |.
ing done, we will charter hack, and Il we do
not wish the trouble of going ourselves, we will
instruct the driver to shut up his hack close, and
lriye his empty carriage around, to distribute
the cards. He drives to each house, opens the
door of the hack little, takes card out of his
pocket, and leaves it at the door. This is Pho
biography, and written out, means Sir, | am
your humble servant; and if You will please in
yite to your parties, shall certainly be thar,
and help dispose of your supper and wines" In
two or three days, you may expect an exchange
of pasteboard, left by servants at the door. If
you keep up this fire Of pasteboard pretty busily,
you may chance, when party is given, to be
thought of-and have the privilege of being el-
bowed, and squeezed into mummy, by null
titude of ofice-seekers and mushroom heroes,
whose moustachios are the best evidence of man
hood they possess; and, il you have taste that
way, of getting gioriously drunk.
/ The President has weekly ievees, at which be
and his lady receive all visitors. Should you de-
sire to go, you will be fortunate in having the
protection of an Hon. member. lie will intro
ducc you with great iornality to the President,
who will shake your hand cordially, smile gra-
ciously, and be delighted to see you. But you
cannot stay to favor him with your agreeable
conversation. There are crowds behind, wait
ing their turn, to 90 through the same ceremony
No doubt you imagine the President and his lady
have taken quite a fancy to you--they were so
polite and afiable. Don't 1attcr yourself-they
wouldn't know you tomorrow from BALKANS ass.
However, you need not take it to heart much,
as you are quite us well off in this respect us
your neighbors.
| The President has an agreeable, though not
very intellectual face. He is of middling height,
of good figure, slightly and trinity built; his hair
is considerably gray, and combed back in imita-
ton, and to prove, suppose, that he is the rep
resentative of "Old Hickory"
After paying your respects to the President
aud his lady, you pass into the celebrated " East
Iioom"-whose extrayagant furniture of Bus-
sells carpet, mahogany chairs, and damask cur
tains, during the administration of John Quincy
Adams, shocked the Democrats Of that day, and
turned him out of Office. Times are changed
now. The President, and even the Democratic
Senators, can tread upon Wilton and Turkey
carpets, and sit upon plush covered rosewood
chairs, without amy alarming effect upon their
nerves; indeed they submit to it with rcmarka-
bic docility and without the least murmur or
complaint. Upon entering the Ea< Room, you
can promenade around it, or recline upon some
of the lounges, and criticiso the appearance and
dress of the company.
Observe the lady leaning upon the arm of Mr.
Buchanan. She is quite en- bon point, and has
lost much Of the freshness Of girlhood, but she
is still remarkably beautiful. See what ma,nifi-