The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1848-01-25
VOL. VINO. 4s
PATENT SERMON.

Like narrow brooks that rise with suddea show
crs.
Itswels in haste and falls again as sson.
My hearcrs-rage is certainly one Of the
shortest passions that ever kicked up fuss
in the interior Of human nature; but what
It lacks in length it makes up in potency
II is as powerful as sulphur and saltpetre.-
When the fires Of rage are blazing in
mans bosom, tho heart becomes a perlG4a
sieam.boilor, and lie a piece Of machnes
going n, a dreadful rate, over which reason
has no mere control than the wo'd ''whoa!"
over locomotive on railroad. lie stamps,
sIaddles, and 'thrashcs abJut-his legs and
arms working themselves lititudcly and
longitudely, perpendcularly and horizontal
ly. in the most admired subordinaton-
reminding one Of live lobster i'll Il scald.-
lIc snaps his eyes and inf ties his cheeks,
like toad in a tempest; bellows like mud
bull, and raves like II hurricane cntangied
nmong lot Of old cedars. B I nIl ola sudden
The fire gets low, and with "phe-cww and
"whew!n he blows off the supelhuous
steam; wipes the sappy eXudaion from his
gonrdshelI; sils down as calmly as an Octo-
ber sunscr, and quietly comes TO the sage
conclusion, that although he has been ma-
king fool Of HIMSELF still like a barrel Of
mali liquor. he is all the clearer and better
for the fermentation. lie ebbs his rage, the
softer thoughts flow in; the clouds clear
away; the sun of love shines brightly out
the mental aim sphere is mid, pleas INT and
pure. and heis as composed as goose -pud-
die after thunder shower; believing that
an occ ,sional fit Of rage is as necessary TO
man rs lightning, volcanic erup'ions and
earthquakes arc to the well being Of that
monslrous tcrraqneous creation called Firth. |
My friends-as short however, as rage is,
il is awful 10 behold in some. You can
sse reve ,gcfnl thoughts rolling, prancing
and rushing in every featurr-ho'ls as dark
as a. bucket of tar; nay, dirker than gar
iet full of black cats at midnight. Scenes
of blood and slaughter rise dreadful in Their
,ouls, their swollen veins are ready to burst
with aquafortis of wrlthful ind ghation; the
fires of tophet CLEAN red through their op-
,ical windows; and every moment they seem
ready to knock civilized society over the
fence into bnrbarism; throw all creation out
of gear--and make old Scrachtoot himself
scanper off like kitten shot in the rear
with a bowl Of hot soup. But rage doesn't
accomplish much, after all consid ring tho
bluser and iornad)-lke fury which accom-
pany it. Perhaps you have read or heard
my friends, how Luciier once got in rage
among the whole celestial host, and threat
aued 10 give 'em beans. But all he glined
was irrctrievablc loss. L, his wrath and fu-
nv he missed his foothod and lost his bal
nnce upon the brow of heaven, and slid up
on his tail down TO q erlasing perd,ion: tie
sumo as you will DO, my coveys, if yon dom.
bridle your tempers and keep pretty tight
rein upon the wild It ed Of pa sion.
My hearers--it is pow rbial that rage
hath no bounds in slighes, woInankind -
Ii is the csiest thing is the world to pump
n woman into 4. moderate passion, and not
very difficult to excite her widest rage
When she is about TO nncork her big bottle
,t highly concentrated fury, 0 ye lula chill
DIRE i, cockroaches, grown people and bed
hugs! ! warn you to fee from The wrath to
come! As dead calm preLcdes tenn
p s., SO nt first she stands perfectly dumb;
with an army of words rising in her throat
and pushing at her palate, causing spasmod-
ic motions Of the mouth, and making her
look like hen endeavoring to swallow too
great quantity Of dough at time. Yes,
there she stands, with back up and bristling
IKE a cat upon the introduction ofa strange
dog-choking with rage and ready TO ex-
pode! Now it comes! Iiailslones and
hurricanes! ginger pop and soda water!-
,,;l1c,tc and xrhi,I,y;nJ,J br,, u
bombshels panther screams and pig sqneaIs!
Doesn't storm some? Stand aside all yc
living creatures, and1i her wrath descend
upon the devoted head .ofea bed post, OF
some other inanimate object! Don't 60
near her, nor attempt 10 oppo, 9 Ter rage;
for yon might as well attempt 10 smother the
fires Of Visuvius with i blanket, or
dim up Niagara with old tobacco guilds. In
anoment or so the errible commotion viii
he over, She will cease to effervesce, and
become as mild as a pan Of milk. Then
lat her gently bo,ween the shoulders; light
ly stroke her hair, in 'spoor pussy" sort of
a way; tickle her ear with the feather of
tlaitery, apply what is called the soft soap
plentifuly, and gsta kiss If you can; and
- there has been nothing more than
tempest ia atea pot, after all. ie.ah ~
My friends flying into a passion for moth
ing, or getting into rage FOR anything, is
Ridiculous piece ofbusihess. IL true that
it don't last much longer than the foaming
ofpearlash and cider; but while il exists It !
senough to make humanity turn her back
in disgust. lf you emily knew what pictures
you present when the demons of wrath and
fury take possession'of your hearts, | am
sure you wouidttry to keep cool, if you had
10 sleep in snow bank. At such times
YOU .ook--i don't know how you look--you