The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1848-12-08

hoe as any one OBJ de jury"
From the New Orleans Delta.
philosopher not a Philosopher.
Tom Stanford, fellow who affects bran
dy and water as a dietic, because, he con.
tends, fluids are more easy Of digestion
than solids, and therefore less injurious to
the system-a doctrine, by the way, repu-
dated by Psychologists al the presen, day -
was arrested night before last, on the Levee,
by Henry Philips, Waterman Of the First
Municipality. Stanford was wrapt up in a
piece Of flannel, which the Waterman
thought a suspicious circumstance, but
which Tom thought an auspicions one; for
It was an antidote 10th night wind whic h
blew cold and fitfully along the broad
Levee.
Halo, there!' said the Waterman, po-
king Tom under the fifth rib with his club
~ you remain here much longer you will
get your washing gratis as well as your
lodging. AS Bob Peel said of the Woiegon
question, there's black cloud arising over
thar in the vest so mizzle.'
go to sleep, stupid said Stanford, thon
mound Of moving alluvial. Why interrupt
science in its mystic studies-go to sleepn
'Whatn said the Waterman, 'do you
dare to outrage the majesty OF the law by
Offending me IN the discharge of my dutyf'
oh your majesty said Stanford,
the only majesty reverence, is the msjes.
ty OF science, TO which Twas paying my
devoirs when diverted from my purpose by
your vulgar intrusion. Go thy presence
4 mil ~. k..- "A
the clearest intellect. You are an obscu.
ration OF nature itself; you are
sWell, Fm blest if you ant one on 'em,
said the Waterman. Il should like to know
what science has to do with sleepin' in the
streets, bandaged round with flannel like
an EgyptaI mummy or an Indian papoose.
That story might do TO tell the day police
you won't get no night Waterman to believe
1t, no how
'You should like to knowr said Stanford,
disdaihfnlly, repeating the watchman's
words, Il suppose you would like Ia knOr
but you cannot. Nature, for a wise pur-
pose, no doubt, having failed to vouchsafe
to you the very smallest rnodicum Of brains,
you shall not know-yo cannot know
I know said TIE Waterman, shat can
take you TO the watch house, And rolling
him ont II his flannel. take him he did.
Yesterday morning the Recorder, calling
mp Stanford, said You were found last
night sleeping on the Lcvec, rolled up in a
piece ri flannel, which the Waterman be.
lieves you have stolen. How do you &C.
coun, Tor being there, or where did you gel
the Hannelf'
S,anford-in very pedantic tonc-'I
was there in obedience to the prompiugs Of
Science, and with desire to avert evils
which fear are impending over my coun-
try
'And pray said the Recorder, Show was
your sleeping on the Levee to benefit the
countryP
Sir said Stanford. nations have their
des,inies as well as individuals. I,anxiou.
to know what the future Of this paCnif-
cent, this glorious Union was TO be. had Just
cast its horoscope, and was reading the
portentious record in natures mystic but
mighty volume, spread out in the heaven,
above me, when interrupted by this dul
and drowsy clod Of animated natuIe.' AND
here, forming his right hand into an indie,
figure, he pointed hi, fore iinger a, the watch
man.
'Thats all very fne,' said the Recorder
'but what about the flanuel-where did YOU
get it:'
'Where I got IT, said Stamford, 'nei,hel
law nor science make il incumbent on III,
10 state. Suffice it to say that rolled i
round my body, TO ascertain what pc,,inn o.
the caloric of the human BODY il would re.
tain in an exposed position, the thermome
ter ranging at a given degree. Is that az
answer to your question, Strip
/ 1T is said the Recorder. sand a yer,
! learned one, but not iuly satisfactory. Tn
fortunately for Yourself, YOU are known h,
the police 10 be more of a FiLoSophpr thai
n Philosophers. shall therefore send yo,
TO the Parish Prison for thirty days.'
e "A 1
shut tina, expected. In this YOU but com
pel me 10 tread in the footsteps of all who
bv their contributions TO science, have ben
Gifted the world. Wasnot Calico cast in
TO the dungeons of the iuuuisi,lon. wa
NOT
Take hin, OUT said tho Recorder.
sOne word with your Honor before I 20.
said Stanford won nav restrain the ac,io,
Of INV limbs. hui Won cannot ie,,er an eyer
active mind. Chemistry, sir. il one of IN
scieno es in which I delight to indulge.
have an idea that the noyious propcr,y q
alcohol could be DESTROYED, by a yery sim