Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1848-04-07
SOLOMON SWALLOW.
/" Rule a Wife, and hare a Wife
THE WOMAN tanner.

"Rule Wife, and hare WDe.'
SOLOMON SWALLOW was bachelor, and g
rusty one, too but nevertheless he had madt
I'D his mind to one thing; that HE was the only
man living who had acquired any knowledge Of
the sublime art Of taking care of a wife. "Al
married men are dolts," was Solomon's constan
observation. 'There, for instance, is my neigh
Dor Tom Tangible his wife makes sort Of a
three legged stool of him she shovcs him in one
corner and then in another, and sits on him and
walks on him, as he was nobody in the house
while he, poor man, takes it as easy as if it was
the most natural thing in the world. Now tina;
were only Tom Tangible I'd first write Sc.
ries of matrimonial rules, and if Mrs. T. did n,
abide by them, Id submit her to the wholesome
discipline of bread and water and paddock
and mayhap brighten her ideas by the applica.
ton of the good cow-hide. And there again are
them in the same condition; but |, I'm the boy
that will set them all right, if they will only fol.
low my example, after have condescended to
endow some fortunate female with the legal
claim to the title of Mrs Swallow
Brave Solomon Swallow.
well, Solomon said a neighbor to him ono
morning, how comes it that you are not mar
ried? 2
why, because have not perfected my sys
,er, Wan noLo yonr bo,J into tho moose ,,,;t, =.
out making anv nrenaraton. and hence Mrs
Everett makcs wbat She lLns of von Ru,
begin bv Studying the ernditc works If Zingru.
brazo, ION the philosophy of womau's tongue
then read several treatses on the effect OF
bread and water discipline in the making Of
good wives Shakspeare's Tanning Shrew,
furnished me with few excellent practical
lessons. And am now generalizing all their
systems into one, which shall carry them away
in all future generations. and convert tho MIA ouC
of matrimony into blessing. In the course a
a wear or So added Solomon. INV rules for the
,oynI.ton If u,omon n intend q, ,nl,I;,L ,Lon,S
will be completed, and then shall take me d
wife
And Solomon was as good a. his word. for a,
the zoe Of fortv.fve (teelinr nhle IN y;ye bot,le
10 anv woman in or ont of tie land If Amaznns,
he got married. At this important period Solo,
mon was n nuffy comfor,ahle lool.;pn Ii,,la al.
iow "a vou,d NEE, in a J,v,s wall, for alboi, ,be
crown ~ his head never :,ood Gli fyo foo, fro,n
the heels Of his boots. he was Of nrono,tion that
woulJ have honored N alderman mr. even . ord
Msvor :. and his cal, Iesneci,iIv ,vhon ua,L;na
with ANYTHING in likeness Of woman, was :
nonnpous At a Sultan's: while AZ such fines his
countenance always assumed an expression that
couid not have bIooLed Tho .nr,n.ch nr G,, nil.
iaPitv Tho IadV whom Sp1nmpu had rhp
for His .worser half was ma ren,lv Ia mh.jitn
creature so that The chances ,,ere yorv c,;r ,ha,
she wouid not onlv he a trac,able wifs hn, thu, that
solomon wonld rcon;,e M LoIn c-o,,, IL s,,s,a'
to make her so.
fere with his lsdv's savings and Jo;nvs IN Tho
wedding. nor ia 4 reco,dei ,b., hs o.sumod an
especial authority on the next night either hut
.bout a n cIocL H.. no,, ,o.,;ne ~ 81, c =;
tmated IN HE No r,ro, ,h., ~; Nv so.! W
And, he added w,h.n t.o.Lc,. .". ~ se'"p
NAV call mo h., he s,,"e "" M 10 '1auy, 70"
toast "''' "o' Jul" t''c
.Rre.ks., and ,o.s, s.;au. S,.,,. ,
,.h., So 49,. ""e "a' sa'u 'irs' Swallow why,
WIN 1 mv ', %aar - ,,
My yea, ! "eah' madam, that have
'And won't you ge, up, too9'
e;,T w" o''""'as' u ready and my stock
"gS ~. Sm.u. , ..
..,:. r...e,~ ""' "u, =" ,eP'y, OUT she
."o .h ~ lie, a 40 sne Mas ashamed 10 say
.h"~"h l., ,ho n,es.o, ;n,.. s.qua,n t na
o" ". LIZ Ia sS ."IIe sue u'o Prec'sel!
'ne "s ~. o,u sue .esmVeu IN "eart that u wa'
wv -. ~. up At Of" !" ''''
" a. ~ ,,a.,,,h;. A.,
u..i,ev ..i,oS n. ,s oe'"s ready MIS-
'~ 1919, IL ,asd', W AZ" S.u.
,I".ha ,a.s. -, , WI Swallow
,W s ''"e' "'""e
p ne
~" u'e1
~ 40, .,.:,
Gre my stockings aired
vo"w a. o,o,,, ,,. v.u.,
You do quoti Mr. Swallow, and to break
h y. r' nav"g nrst received the services
.:e ''''"'s "'s' Swallow 70 assist him IN dres
'"ki h,..Le. L
IN. ,h;nn i, hsd has~ evs, a,G nov turn out to bt
The Toast va. dons l,,,a up 'or'
lns .oas. was done iittle too much and tes
y. was no"e 9u,te enough the slop bowl was a
srs, crumbs On Tho c,rnc, ana there were sew