The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1848-03-22
Migrellaneollg,
/ SAM CRooKSHANK;
I OR THE n1EDIcATED AXE.

:
Sam Crookshank was his mothers pride
and fathers grief Having no taste for
study or work, he commenced the char
acter Of gentleman.-iow we'll this
character set upon him, the honest people
oftlie neighborhood in which he resided
can best tell; and they aver, in the home
lylangunge of the place, that it fitted him
slike u shirt on hoe hundle.'
hut the condition Of Il gentleman, how.
ever dcsirous i, muy be in several respects
is not entirely free from miseries and vex-
utions. 1t is expensive, without being
profitable; and is apt to produce envy,
without ginning respect. At least, ssich
is the cnse in tile country whore tie peo-
pie mostly get their leaving by the sweat
ofthe brow, or by some active business
Qrsprofession. But among other troubles
which gentlity brings, is that very pre-
vaient disease, called Dyspepsia,
Sam Crookshank proved that he had at
least one title to the character he had as
sumed-lle was wofully troubled with the
dyspepsia. d lie grew pale and wan; his
check. bones, .whiclr had ever been most
praniinent part ofhis face, seemed to pro-
! iect fartherthan ever; his under lip, which
was naturally one Of tho rather pendant
sort, now hung most lackadaiscally down;
and his, callipcr legs, which were never
the least noticeable part Of his person, be-
ganto bow out, if possible, more than ever.
'tSam,' said the wondering neighbours,
swhatthe torment ais you? you look for
alLthe world as ghastly and wo- begone as
i December ghost
LIVE got the dispepsery!' replied
Sum-
The. dispepsery!' said farmer Whip
pletree, with . look Of contempt-swhat
might that be2'
What mought it beg returned Sam---
swhy, if you do not know what the dys-
pepsery is, you're no gentleman.
.lhope not, in oil conscience replied
the farmer, 'hu, should like TO know
what SORT ola thing this is you call the
dispcpsery.'
why, its a kind af a-sort Of u com
plaint.'
s'Umph! SO it appears
g slt's q kind of a-sort of a--as it were
--aqueer feeling, which | never felt in all
mylife, until | became gentleman
dts a right down gentleman's com.
plaint, then. But what is il like?
!. Like! why, its like to make notomy
ofme, ,if | don't git better of it pretty soon.
You'd make monstrousfpretty noto-
my, would mt you? But how does your
gentilly complaint feel2'
sWhy, ii makes me feel oil over solem-
choly and down-in -the-m mouth like, rs il
I'd lost all my friends. In short, Mr..
Whippletrce, it's kind of a--sort of an
affection Of the stomach and indigestible
noggins, MS it were.
!The complaint is in your noggin I've
no doubt, said the farmer, pointing TO his
head Sat least it began there-but can
euro your stomach for you, if that's all
you want
sGadE exclaimed Sam, scan you cure
itfthough2 pom my soul, I'D give any
body.the promise of a thousand dollars in a
minute That would free from this dreadful
dispepsery. It's the only drawback as il
were to gentility."
;ss.I'll cure CT both, your gentlity and
your dispepsery too, if you'll follow my
advice 2t5@
y Could mt think of it no how at oil, re-
turned Sam, pulling up his false collar
aboutshis ears-sI like the life of a gen
tleman, all out, if l could only get rid OF
thesplaguey dispepsery.'
Go;to work, you'lazy yarmunt.'
Toswork! Oh no, Mr.. Whippletree,
s,c,oould,nt think Of that couldn't, 'pon
sSlfdii,iysoul, Any thing else that you'll pro.
s scribe, in reason, I'll .take.--But as fol-
/ work, I've put my veto on that long ago.
Then ! give syop up for one Of the Dev.
il,sfincurables,' returned the farmer and
lefShim. @
Sam retorted TO q variety Of means tc
cure his complaint. He ate largely o
5 mustard, cayenne pepper, horse:radsh
and other sharp and powerful condiments