The Sumter banner. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1846-1855, 1848-03-29
. SUMTER LILLE souTHcARoI1NA MARCH 80 1913

u uoiHeSuC management, anu was slnQu-
ced 10 suppose that it would provide good
dinners at trifling expense. lexpected,
also that should find my boots better
brushed, and the state Of my wardrobe, in
general better attended to than in that Of
celebacy. | anticipated better ordered
breakfast table than what had been &C.
customed to. In short, sir, looked for
an increase Of comforts, and if had not,
sir, never should have changed my con-
dition.
"Now, sir, my groceries are not only
embezzied, but that by monthly nurse,
in addition to the servants, of whom am
under the necessity of keeping two; and
my expenditure in that article has in
creased ten-fold. 1t is quite fiction, sir,
that matrimony is advantageous to shirts
mine are Us buttonless as ever. The
fire in my study is neglected for that in
the nursery, and my slippers are .invaria-
bly, put out ofthe way. NV wardrobe is
left TO regulate ITSELF the servants being
occupied in busting carpets and scrubbing
floors; and once week the house is turn
cd upside down, my papers displaced, and
my walking-stick and umbrella mislaid,
under the pre,ence Of putting them to
rights. dine, sir, one day on leg Of
mutton, and for half the week afterwards
on the same dish in various forms. lean
now appreciate the virtue Of promptitude
in waitcrs. know now what it is to get
chop cooked on ten minutes notice
and let me tell you, sir, those are no such
things as chops in wedlock. 1t is worse
than useless 10 row up my servants. In.
stead Of exciting their nlacrity, it only
eIicits excuses from Mrs. Crosby. Then
with respect to my breakfast My news.
paper is indispensable to the comfort Of
that meal. can never read it in quiet;
Interrupted every moment, as am, by
some frivolous question or remark
"The annoyance arising from my chill
drcn, sir, are most intolerabe. They are
continually crying, and box on the ear
only makes them yell the louder-and
my wife joins in the concert. The best
Of children arc only less noisy and mis-
chicvous than the ordinary run. But all
ofthem are subject to teething, whooping
cough and measels, which render their
existence burden to all around Them, ex-
cept 10 their mothers and nurses, who
really believe, like the trouble which thew
thus occasion. But their wretched com.
plants are not only troublesome but ex-
pensive. am novor without q doctor in
the house. Whilst was single man,
sir, never knew what medical attend
ance was. But women and children are
always ailing. Not only are my butch
er's, bakers, groccr's, and other bills aug
menting. but their number is increased,
by Doctors bill-wilh nothing 10 show
for it. And when ] was married found
out not for the first time, what rates and
taxes are.
Between ourselves, sir, don't mind
telling you. | got about two hundred
year with Mrs. Crosby. But my addi-
tionul expenditure so far exceeds that
sum, that | am obliged to deny myself
many enjoymcnls. have given up my
daily pint Of wine, and no longer smoke.
Thus, sir, has mntrmony not only de-
creased my comforts, but has deprived
me of those that already possessed. In
stead Of being able to take my stroll, to
sec the sights and learn the news Of the
day, fnow find myself, resolving myself
means. Sir. this worry-lhis ceaseless
wear and tear of the brain-dcprives n
walk Of its legitimate and constitutional
character. Sir, depend upon it, that it is
mistake to marry for comforts. find
myself obliged to resign myself and con.
suit those of others. A single man, sir,
only one TO take care of; married one
has to take care Of his wife and family.
| made what every body considered
prudent match. Sir, there are no such
things as pruden, matches. am as mis-.
cradle, sir, as | could have been if had
married for love. So do you remain single,
ifyou have regard for Number One, for
in matrmony you will find that you have
70 care for Number Two"
PRACTICAL lLLUsTRATIoN.-Al lawyer, re-
tained in case of assault and battery, was
cross examining n witness in relation to the
force of blow struck.
What kind Of blow was given''
"A blow ofthe common kind
Describe the blow
i am not good at description
Show me what kind Of blow it was
4 cannot
'You must
Il wont't'
The lawyer appealed to the Court.
The Court told the witness that il the
counsel insisted upon his showing what kind
Of blow. it was, he must do so.
DO you insist upon it = asked the wit.
ness.
i do
well, then since you compel me to show
you, it was this kind of blow = at the same
time suiting the action to the word, and
knocking over the astonished disciple of
Coke upon Littleton.