Wisconsin herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1846-1849, 1848-03-04
MISCELLANEOUS.
L-a-w Law.

reviewing the speech III fchsion' " -
LAKrN, of Grant, (called by the writer,
Mr.. LARxIS; what, alas, is faneD says
that
oWben a case gets into court. it is mere
matter of chance on which side II comes oGs
favorable: and if MIR. Larkin could only get
his tiger chained, we would see the GAM
hIers gather round the court house TO bet on
the fastest lawyers, as they now go 20 liic
race track to bet on the fastest horses
This will do we'll enough for preface TO
some New Workers.
Four Lawyers in Court.
The nominal purpose of court OF JUS
flee is to seek the truth; but ! question
whether the truth is ever IN any other pace
more attacked, sneered at, hrow-beaten, rid
iculed, and put out of countenance. u Is
the truth which every one in his turn ilnds
il his interest to conceal. 1t Is the truth
that every one is afraid of. Even the party
most uneuuvocally in the right Is ANXIOUS
TO exclude truth from the other side, lest I
should seem to contradict his own; and all
the LAWYERS, and even the judge, seem as
much on the watch to stop the witnesses
month. every two minutes, as they have
been to make him come there to open It,
To me. one of the most ridiculous things in
the world is witness upon the stand, try
inc (poor fellow to give his testimony.--
He IS, we will suppose, not In the slightest
way interested in either of the parties, and
doubtless wishes them both tied together by
the neck, aud dropped off the stern OF one
of the North river steamboats,. lie comes
into court, not voluntarily, but dragged, IT
he resists, by two or three Sowing minis
tiers of the law, who, from the mere fact OF
his being presumed to know something about
the pending suit, think themselves entitled
to treat him as if he had been brought up
for robbing hen roost. He is forced from
his anusements for the purpose of speakin g
the truth, and he inwardiy resolves to tell
the whole story, as soon as possible, and get
rid of the thing. He thinks he knows the
worst. He thinks the loss of time and the
awkwartlness of speaking for the first time
of his life in public are the extent Of his
sufferngs. Unsuspectlng victim! he no
sooner mounts the stand, than he finds him
self at once the centre Of circle of ene-
mics, ard holding position not greatly
unlike that of prisoner in an Indian war
dance. He tries to tell his story:
Witness. | was going down to Maiden
lane
Fifst Lawyer. Stop, sir.
Second Lawyer. DON'T interrupt the
witness.
Third Lawyer. The witness is ours.
Fourth Lawyer. (Fiereey aud indig-
Inaptiy.) We want the fact. atlg
Judge Let the witness tell his story.
Witness. Twas going down Maiden lane,
where live
First LAWYER. We don't want to know
where you live, sir.
Second Lawyer. This is part of his tes-
timony.
Third LAWYER. You can take the wit
ness into your hands when we are done with
him; at present he is ours.
Witness turns pale.
Fourth Lawyer (Sarcastically.) Very
well, sir.
Judge. beg you viii sit down.
One of the Aldermen. Officer, keep orr
der.
Officer. Gina tone Of thunder, and with a
scowl of more than oriental despotism upon
the spectators, who amt milking any MUSE
that they know off, Sileneel
Witness. was going down Maiden lane
where reside, as said before. when
First Lawyer. You don't come here to
repeat what you said before, sir.
Second LAWYER. ! beg
Third Lawyer. (starting to his feet.) -
| demand
Fourth Lawyer. Iappeal to his Honor,
the Judge, to protect me from the lmpeftt-
nence of this witness.
First. Second, Third, Fourth Lawyers,
and Judge, together. The witness must
Officer. docking al the audience, again,
and in voice Of thunder.) Silence!
Judge. Gentlemen, it seems to ne that
the best way to come TO the truth, is to bet
the witness 90 on, and ! will call him to
order If he wanders from his duty. Wit
ness.
Witness. Your Honor. o
Judge. Tell the plain fact of this as
sauIt-tell the jury what you know about
it--remember that you are here TO speak
the truth--raise YOUR voice-turn your face
to the jury. What do you know of this
affair?
The poor wretch commences again.
The first, second, third, and fourth lawyers
continuing TO skfnil-h afohhu nun aii the
while, like parcel Of wild Arabs fighting
for the clothes of some unhappy prisoner
So far from getting chance TO say the truth,
the poor man can't get a chance TO say any
thing. At length bewiIdered out Of his re-
Observation-Disclosures, insulied and iudig-
uanf-however really DESTROYS of telling tie
truth he stumbIes upon some paradox-ac-
counted for at once, and to every nne's sat
isfaetiOn, BIZ the idea that he has forgotten.
Bur then comes the crOSs-exaninaiioB.-
Then the scientific artillery Of a cool, able
lawyer, slsarpened BY thirty years Of similar
practices, Is brought 10 bear upon ore treIn-
bling, and already nervous stranger; per-
hapS igasTaniy perhaps hoy. Then comes
the laugh of Judge and Jury, the mnrIRur Of
astonishment from the crowd, that a person
should be found base enough to say g the
s..,.,,.T,4s vsore n ritnfupi har - 4 hon he