Wisconsin herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1846-1849, 1848-11-04
LANCASTER, WISCONSIN, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1918

- In falling, broughtSlown two chairs
which had seized hokIsrf in order TO save
myself, together with ASaung and beautiful
female, who, in all probhhilty, was at that
moment about TO seat herself, but now with
a speed equal TO THAI of her chair, came
rolling on the fioorsbeside me. Gracious
heaveni it was my BARBARA.
A terrible clamor arose, and as | lay there,
roareris lustilywtoo; for seeing, in addition
10 myself ana the two chairs, lady stretch
ed out on the floor, | felt persuaded that a
shock of an earthquake must have taken
place. To my great relief | soon discover
ed that no earthquake had caused this mel
ancholy fall, but, as already narrated, only
veal pasty.
We got up. hecoGsintreated the whole
affair as an excellent joke 1t was very
well for him to Joke, but Ecould have wept,
nay, died, with shame andgexation. Invent
to the mantle piece, without offering one
word of apology, but as all were laughing
and giggling around, | laughed too, and
threw from time TO time stolen glances at
the cause of my misfortune.
At lastswe took our places at the table.
The cousin was so gallant as to place me
next TO BARBARA. | had rather have been
situated near a volcano than at the side of
this amiable and pretty creature. lfelt most
extraordinary sensations while thus in lux-
Imposition with my future bride. Of the
assembled guests | ventured only to take
rapid glance at intervals.
Soup was served around. BARBARA Of
fered me some-but how could accept it,
She herself was unprovided. Compliments
were exchanged, and already foresaw that
some new evil would arise out of these
abominable civilties. Hence became
more and more pressing, and looking implo-
ringly into the face of my charmer, forgot
the plate altogether. The consequence was
that poured the burning soup into BAR
BARA's lap and over her clothes, and in en-
deavoring hastily to withdraw it, sent the
remainder into my own lap, deluging alike
my garments and my finger napkin. IL was
a fraternal division. ! shall never forget il.
remember all as though it had occurred
but yesterday. 1t was crab soup.
The charming BARBARA left the table.
stammered out sundry apologies. The
guests endeayored to console me, and fresh
plate was handed to me. Meanwhile my
pantalOons we're steaming from the inunda-
ton. BANANA was obliged to change her
dress. She returned. and endeavored again
and again TO excuse myself as well as !
could
VII ilGIttiFitJ8 ljut Siit SfiillEAt GfHiiUhSlls
felt somewhat reassured, and began to
brush the cold perspiration from my face, of
course not with my hand, but with my peck
ct kerchief
Alas amid the accumulated disasters that
had since occurred, had entirely forgotten
the INK business. In drying off the perspi
ration, rubbed in the ink so thoroughly,
that. on replacing the kerchicf in my peck
ct, the company were amazed to find me
converted into perfect hlackamoor.
Titterings aud roars of laughter succeed
ed. Politencss compelled me to join in the
laugh. And did so heartily for some time,
without knowing why or wherefore, until
found that some of the ladies were becoming
alarmed at the blackness of my visage, and
now, for the first time, ! perez wed that my
handkerchief had got me into fresh scrape,
and what an appearance ! must present.
In alarm, rose precipitately from the ia
be and commenced retreat towards the
kitchen, in order to wash myself, and, in so
doing, having inadvertently buttoned cor
ner Of the tablecloth TO my waistcoat, down
came plates and dishes, boiled and roasted
meats, salad, spinach, bottles and salt Gel
lars, flesh and fowl, knives and forks, spoons
and glasses--all rushed after me with fear
full crashing and clatter. The guests, on
Witnessing all the good things thus suddenly
Withdrawn, and many delicacy on which
they had sat their hearts come in full career
after me, sat open mouthed and riyeted TO
the spot, with establishment.
At first, on seeing the plate and dishes
closely following on my heels, ] could at
tribute the freak only TO witchcraft, but the
cousin springing with both feet on the cloth
brought it, together with the attaching but
ton, away with sudden jerk, and brought
me to a sense of my situation.
sought, as fast as my legs could carry
me, not the kitchen, but the stairs, flew
across the street, and did not halt till
reached my chamber, for four weeks not
soul did | admit 10 my presence, and from
that time | never thought Of matrimony
without sensations of gddiness and as to
large parties, the bare idea brings on a fit OF
ague. now laugh myself at my helpless
ness. But my history may serve to many,
not, indeed, for an example, but for warning
and instruction.
INVOLUNTARY SUIcIDE.-Persons who are
in the habit Of carrying deadly weapons are