Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1848-08-04
~PATERNIZlNG" A LANDLORD.

Island. long Island of course we mean
the Island, par excellence. Well, there
are some people there who are as wild as
Camanche Indians, and never saw brick
building, although born and bred within fif
ty miles of the great metropolis. A speci-
men ofthis kind rode up to the piazza of a
hotel on 1.-The south side" kept by great
wag by the name of John Van Blarcom.-
Dismounting from his horse, BE You the
landlord" said he.
Eyes, SIR"
"Wa, take my horse under the apple
tree yonder, and give him tuppence worth
OF hay; take off his saddle and rub him
down, and done give him any water, cos |
set great store by him.
The operation was duly performed.
"What have you got TO drink!'
"Oh, anything you want"
oval, how much glass!'
"Sixpence."
'I!'s tew much; any thing less?"
yes, we have some cider at two cents a
glass"
"Thatll do. How much for them cook
les" pointing TO some red brown cushions
III mahogany case.
'One cent apiece
bring me one. Got the papers,"
Yes"
bring me them, tew."
After reading all the news, drinking the
cider and eating the ginger cake with an ex-
preston of delightful complacency, the
guest rose to depart.
hrID rub
off ag,n, and yeou can give him a drink
meow"
The horse was rubbed down and brought
up.
"Heow much do owe yeou''
Give cents, sir; thank yeou. One cent
change, sir; you gave me siXpence."
"Wal," said the ultra Liberal" as he
mounted his horse. Il can tell yeou one
thing, lan'lord; yeou keep darned good
heouse here, and if any of my friends are
coming this way, Ill tell 'em to stop and
paterni1e ycou."
ALMOST \ FIGHT; Or a TALE OF A
HORSE.
A better Joke came off the other after
noon on one of our Brooklyn ferry boats,
than often occurs in this fun bcnghted coun-
try
A gentlemen who evidently had dned
drove on the boat, and forgetting the festina
tente rules OF ferries, nearly drove over very
angry looking individual, who, if one might
Judge from the asccrbity ofhis countenancc,
hdd not; the latter seeing the vision of a
horses head appear over his shoulder,
wheeled suddenly and caught the beast by
the bride, looking horse whips at the in.
cumbent of the carriage.
What the ID do you mean by catching
hold of my horse! said the driver.
And what the ID do you mean by al
most driving over me! replied the holder,
in the true Yankee spirit of answering one
question by asking another.
Let 90 of the horse
| will not.
The driver dismounted, advanced towards
the other, whip in hand and shortening his
hold upon the handle, sung out in voice
Of thunder, Il tell you, sir, let 90 that
hOrse!"
I'll be ID if | do!
You won't!
No.
Well, then, replied the driver, throw ing
his whip in the vehicle, and planting his
hands comfortably IN his pockets. Well,
then, just hold him, will you! So saying,
with polite bow and quizzical grin, Jan-
ishcd into the cabin.
The crowd of passengers who had been
standing spectators of the fight" roared
aloud, not quite as gently, however, " as
sucking doves" and The contending party
dropping the reins as if they were unpIeas-
antly warm marched off for the other end
of the boat, his whole appearance bearing
a striking resemblance to that of a man de-
tecled in the act Of purloing his neighbor' S
mutton.