Ypsilanti sentinel. [volume] (Ypsilanti, Washtenaw Co., Mich.) 1843-1900, 1848-01-26
SOCIETY IN A WESTERN
VILLAGE.

VILLAGE.
MIR. jeremiah Expedience, purposing to re-
move to the village of Niles, State of Mlchi-
gan, addressed a brief note to Mr.. Thomas SEN
sible, of that place containing sundry inquiries
which brought out the following answer. 1t is
doubtless calculated for that meridian, but like
an Almanac twill answer, without material al
terstion, for all the adjacent parts.''
NILES, Jan. 3, 1848.
My DEAR SIR:@
Your letter of New Years was duly received
am plain, common sense man. and little ac-
quainted with the subjects to which you refer.
Yet pressing "reminiscences of our ancient
friendship compel me to obllge you.
am happy you contemplate coming among
us but would advise you to observe the ordina-
~ probation. Your apparent reliance on COM
mon SENSE shows better knowledge of your
self than Of the etiquette diplomatic of good So
cety.
acknowledge the soundness of those gener-
al principles advanced in your letter; but a
novice may have correct notions, and need the
art to embody them in action. Hence it is
rule that every person should learn to swim be-
fore he ventures into the water. Every Miss
should be instructed in the art of love by an
experienced duenna, before she is allowed to
come in collision with the blind god The Will
gar maxim of depending on common the most
uncommon sense has, long been exploded
''lf horse enter a company of mules, every
rascal brute will be testing his generosity by
kicking his aristocratic sides," Thus giving
him hint to abstract himself from good soci-
ETY. till he has cultivated his ears. These things
my dear Expedience, | have said not by way
of allusion but of illustration.
Gentleman and lady are convertible terms.
The gentleman, at Rome, bows to the Pope, in
India to Vishnu, and in each case adheres to
general principles, viz: "Do as you see others
do"
agree with you, that every village should
have reporter, whose observations would be
authentic: but when society is sustained upon
| fictitious capital, it is not always practicable
to procure such functionary. Besides, Madam
Rumor, parsonage of much distinction, has
kindly volunteered her services in this place and
supercedes the necessity of such public organ.
Indeed, she excels in the duties of that office:
for she foretells events in the bosom Of futurty,
and augurs the unknown by the leer of the eve,
nod of the head, beat of the heart and other SYM
| tens, which by necromantic art, she divines
into true history of things to be.
| | would advise you, on coming to this place,
| to remain at home and cultivate the acquaint-
ance of this distinguished parsonage. She
never neglects the earliest occasion TO call on
strangers. She will edify Won with the past
and future, and furnish you.a mirror, in which
you may see reflected, the genealogy of this
vilage-the private grefs, notifications, re-
sentiments, and rage: that harrow the soul of
each individual, with their hopes, desires. en-
vies, iea!ousies, ambition ill-placed: pride and
| spleen. In this mirror there is no deceptas "a
sus,-true as holy writ A mere glance will
accomplish YOU, to act your part with under
standing, and satisfaction, both in the private
circle and the palace of scandal.
You were pleased to request of me some In.
formation of the morale of the place. As am
a Platonist; can only give you the observations
of an Indifferent spectator.
Be honest and fear not is supposed to be a
vulgar maxim, confined to the schoolmen of
old. Do as you would be done by, has, long
since, become an obsolete idea: Do as others
do is fashionable. We are all s6Vereign ]!
not in the Fashion; you cannot COME to our
church-g0 our wav to heaven: for the way
thither is not exactly straight and narrow
path, but a meta physical assage--the hair
line 'twlxt north and north east side: In short
It is the wav we go. If parson is on social
| terms with his brother chip il is ascertaned
bv mathematical scence,that he is not truly de-
voted to the discipline catechism to succession.
Heaven is great stickler for creeds and forms.
.:Oil can't be mixed with water nor is it fash
iohablc. Different seats viz, pits and boxes are
established in heaven. Nothing said there,
now -a.days, about loving mercy, dealing justly
clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, &c.
| No one born in manger would presume or
getting box. Times are altered. Such things
would have done eighteen hundred years ago
but do not answer in this progressive age. we
are told that representative of these princi
pies, once rode into Jerico on an ass! ne ar
rived to our eminence bv telegraph: and there
is no probability of our being infested by sucf
vuloarisms; till an ass can compete with light
ming.
! As to churches, Of which y6u made mention
I. being Platonist, and devoted to secret wor
shin. cannot give vol accurate Information.
But have called to ms aid, Madam Rnmo
and if she reports correctly, it would be erpedi
emit to keep dark till ga more convenient sea-
son."
She Informs me. that each of the clergy Ina:
/; sent secret circular to the various member:
of his charge: and in it has related the. story
naturalists tell of the fox. This animal wher
overun with -heas, ventures posteriously int
the next pool, with a lock of fur in his month
and gently submerging himself remains till al
the vermin, driven BY the water, get into The
fur. Then he quits it, and diving, leaves hi
tormentors to take care of themselves. Ate
this narration, the circular closes, hy aduioni
ton that the sacerdotal robe wears heavily, land
that. if, the strings should happen to break
" it'll the whole congregation hanging on 1T
skirts, it would be deplorable catastrophe
Nv informant also tells me, thereis large elias
here who live on the defects of the church,
This NAV be so, for naturalsts say, a louise i
the busiest thing known. and doubtless th
same holds true of heas. If 50 the breaking o
= robe strings. would leave in critical predict
ment. not ONLY these who derive their spiritua
Subsistence from the sacred garment, but ais
those who feed on garbage.
Whv This pbenomenon in the history of tn