The daily crescent. [volume] ([New Orleans, La.]) 1848-1851, 1848-10-09
The Model Debtor,

he never tnlnkS IL Qedf mo dinner is 100 gOOu IOT
him the dearest Wines the earliest peas, the most
Juvenile strawberries the strongest liquors, the
most exotic housekeeping that is expensive
and delicious is cheap, provided he is not called
upon to give ready money for it. The world pays
and he enjoys himself His cab is found him free
of expense, and by some charm he has two hun
bred guinea horse sent TO him without paying
single penny for 1t. The rent of his house is seVe-
raj quarters due the furniture is of the very best
but not stick stitch of it has been settled for
and thesverV sheets he sleeps in might be taken
from under him by his washerwOman, for terrible
arrears of debt. Such thoughts, however, do not
trouble his happiness. He trusts for everything to
his appearance. He knows well enough that a
man with shabby exterior never gets credit for
anything in this world He has good coat, and
on the back of it orders as many clothes as he
likes. He has only to ask for hats, boots, walk
ing-stcks pistols, dressing cases, and they are all
left at his residence, exactly as if he had paid
for every one of them. No questions are asked
not a soul is in hurry; for any one can see he
is perfect gentleman" He fourishes cheque-
book, though his drafts would not be liquidated at
any other bank but Aldgate Pump. The day Of
reckoning, however, sooner or later comes. Then
it is that the wonderful mpudence, the real genius
of the Model Debtor bursts out in all its greatness
1t is not convenient for him to pay Just at present
1t would be runatiOn to sell out when funds are 10
low. He wonders at Mr.. Smiths Impotence
(Smith is his butcher)-the bill can barely have
been owing TWO V6drS-DuG ne VIII Call anu s6ltl6
next week Some he threatens to expose the i'm
pertnence of others he will certainly report TO all
his friends and he sences the nOisiest with
piece of stamped paper, on which his name IS IN
scrbed, the representative of hundreds of pounds
But the bubble gets larger, till it bursts Then the
Model Debtor tumbes from his high esIate-ifever
he had any-and from eligible mansion" he falls
to desirable lodging" at a few shillings per
week. He likes the Surry side of the Thames best
The Model Debtors life is a constant game of
IL H.
to top-boots and Jerusalem noses that bring letters
and wait in the passage. He grows nervous.
Every knock at the door throws him back, and he
rings the bell violently two or three times, whispers
to the servant through the door, turns the key, and
crouches down with his ear to the key-hOle. He
looks out at the window before he ventures in the
street. He only walks when he cannot afford to
ray for a cab. Omnibusses are dangerous; 1t Is
not so easy to avoid creditors inside. He selects
dreariest Streets and never penetrates into cuL-
d6-sac, or approaches within mile of Chancery
lane. His impudence, however, does not desert
him. He never rscOllects any bill whatever, and if
stopped and questioned about his name he threatens
in the grandest manner to send for the police.
When pressed for money he is sure the account
was paid long ago. and that he has a receipt some
where at home. He is most faithful in excuses,
and lavish in promises. He generally expects
| "gOOd round sum in day or two" He can never
get his accounts in, and disappointed, only last
week. of a large balance he had relied upon for
|
| the world, he gets meeker. He would pay you if
! he could. All he asks for is time. Business is
| very bad-never was worse. He only wants to
look round. He hopes you won't be hard upon him;
but if prosecuted, if goaded to death in this way,
! sooner than lead the life he does he will go in the
Gazette, ard then his creditors must not blame him
| if they don't get a farthing. He means well, ii
! they will only leave him alone He will be happy
TO give you bill. He has wife and three Children.
! In fact he is most affectionate parent and the
| L l. Ill
! but himself, which he does upon every possible
I opportunity. He grows tired of answering letters,
and for giving the name Of his solicitor, he hates
! the law too much to do it. He meets bill and
| baff with equal horror; but does not care much
| for either, if he can only be sure OF good long
run" He is very sensitive about the left shoulder,
going off like hair-rigger, at the slightest touch.
| His great day is Sunday He IS then everywhere
| in the Park especially = and any one to see him
would imagine " he could look the world in the
face, and defy any one to say that he owed him
shilling" He is brave, too, during vacation. He
is very intimate with the law, and has profound
respect for the Statute of Limitation; but thinks
England not worth living in, since the County
Courts Act. He carries his antipathy, indeed, so
far as to run over some fine morning to Boulogne,
and never coming back again. leaving all his pro-
perty, though, behind him in a carpet-bag replee
with bricks. There his first care is to cultivate
mustache, and TO procure new Clothes new dinners,
fresh victims. He is always expecting remittance
by the next post Ills bankers, however, are very
| remiss and he is lodged at last by his landlord in
the Hotel d'Angleterre-in plain English the prison.
He only asked for time, and at last he gets more Of
it than he likes for he is locked up for two or three
years IN Jail, unless he is very lucky and Is ber-
ated by a revolution. He disappears no one knows
where His friends wonder what has become Of
him, till there is a vague report that he has been
seen as an GttdCe TO of the gaming houses about
Leicester Square, if he is toleraby well off, that
he has been recognized on the road to EPSON,
driving cab with large number (say 1884
painted upon it.
The Model Debtor is honest at last, for he has
arrived at that stage of life at which man will
put any trust in him. He pays his way-turnplkes
included-and does not overcharge more than what
is perfectly handsome He pays ready money for
| everything even down 10 the waterman on the
cab-stand, and gives himself out a gentleman
who has seen better days" His great boast, now
ever is that all through the ups and downs OF his
racketty career he never left unpaid single debt
Of honor Doubtless this is great source OF conso-
lation to the numerous tradesmen to whom he never
] Maid a oopr,v = Punch.