Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1848-12-16
BUTTONS AND MARRlAGE.-Ths

BUTTONS AND MARRlAGE.-Ths fol.
lowing curious aud comicai essay, qusintly
demonstrating the importance and efficacy Of
buttons in promoting matrimony, is from the
Illuminated Magazine. The experience Of
thousands, We dare say. will attest its truth
fitness, ia measure, AT least,
Ceiibacy aud Buttons. --"You heard us
talking. Ay, sir, the old stfy--grey iances,
sir, twist man and woman" said the her
init. "And what is that, sir?' we asked. -
The hermit, shaking his head and grosning.
| cried" But,on.." Buttons" said we. The
hermit drew himself closer 10 the table, and
spreading his arms upon ii, leaned forward
with the serious air OF man prepared to dis
| cuss grave thing. Buttons" he replied.
Thea, clearing his throat, he began: SIN the
course OF your long. and az hope. well spent
life, has ii never come with thundeTbolt con-
viction upon you. that all washetwomen.
clear stsrchefs, getters-up OF hne linen. OF
whstever name Ewes daughters-for as Eve
brought upon us the stern necessity Of
| shirt, il is but just that her girls should wash
thunder whatever name they cleanse aud
beauty fax and cotton, they are sll under
some compact. implied or soiemnly entered
upon among themselves and their non- wash
ing, non standing. non -ge,,iugup sis,erhood,
that by means subtle, and almost morally
certain. they shall worry or drive sl. bache-
ors and widowers server into the pound of
irremedisble wedlock2
HAS this tremendous truth. sir. never
struck your" "How-by what mssns?" We
asked. Simply. by buttons" answered the
hermit. bringing down his clenchrd fist upon
the table. II will take a man. who, on his
outs,srt in life, sets his hat 4 cock at matrl-
mony-u man who dedles hyinsn AMI all his
wicked wiics. Nevertheless, sir, the IN an
must wear d shirt-the man must have
washerwomsn. Think you that that shirt,
returning from the tub, never wants one,
two, three bu,,cns' Always, sir-slwsys.
Sit, though arp now an anchorite, | have
lived in your bustins world, aud seen. az.
quite as much as any one, OF lis manifold
wickedness. Well, the man the buttoriess
man-at first calmly demonstrates with his
lsundIess. He ps,hetically wrings his wrist
at her. and she promises amendment. The
thing shall never happen again. The week
Wvolves. Think you the next shirt has Its
Just and lawful number ot buttons? Not a
bit"
Star ing at the word. we looked. we fear
rprJachlully. in the hermit's face. "Psrdoa
me; let il be as lit had never been said"
cried The snchonle-s deeper tint dswnins
IN his lace; and his eye looking suddenly
moist. Pardon me, but he heart has
strange chords; even buttons may SO netimes
shatler Ihem.' W. b wed; and begged The
hermit to proceed We'll, sit, said our
host alter an effort. week alter week the
poor man wraagies with his washer omen;
from the gentencss OF even maideuly com.
..l.t al h. k,,.
OF abuse; aud still the washer roman, as II
would seem, is bound BY oath to her unmar-
ned sslerhood to bring home no shirt com
Plete in its buttons Man-th' fiercest Of
his kIud Cannot always rage. Il. becomes
tifes-ashamed OF his clamof. lie sighs.
aud bears his buttonless fate. His thoughts
iake a new turu. In his melancholy. his
hsart opens, he 10 soiten-d. subdn-d, aud la
this hour OF weakness a demon ,uice whis
pers TO hin, Fond, foolish man, why trust
Thy buttons to All slien3 Why helplcssiy de-
pend upon the needle and thread Ut one who
loves no, thee, but thy shilliilgi Take a
vile; have wontr vi thine owa, who shall
care loI Thy buttons" The the tempirr is
sirons. The man smiles distrusifuli,; but
still ne smiles.
That very night so hspp-ns-he COS
10 house warming. lie 10 partner al csTds
with Mlss Kitty. She never dill look 81 Ak
trscl,,e. Aud then her voce-,'woCld coat
neil out vi heart oi oas. The man thiaks
OF his buttons; aud before he lrssrs the house
htty has been brought 20 confess thai she
dosa'l know what she ,asy do--she may mar
~, and she may not" lis il possibl,?" We
cried with laugh. "Sir." sid The hermit.
" IN NO, thing to idls laugh at. TAKE nifty
maiehrs. and be assured OIL II. il Jou sift en-