Tri-weekly journal. (Evansville, Ia. [i.e. Ind.]) 1847-188?, 1848-01-11
OMNIBUS Talk BETWEEN Two BOYS ON THE

OMNIBUS TALK BETWEEN Two BOYS ON THE
SrEPs.-"Who's your boss, Ned?'
master Whipple."
sis he clever?7
"Clever!gorry, | guess you wouldn't think so.
If he's not the crossest critter in the 'turnel
world, I'll give up"
eff he's crosser than ourn', I'll give in
But now, Ned, say, fairly, did you ever hear of
right down clever schoolmaster, out and out
clever, and no mistaken
"Why-no--yes--I reckon have; Tom
Corners says his masters reg'lar clever. The
boys do jest as they like; play actor-catch
flies, raise Bob, and he never fogs. I've been
coaxin' father to move in that ward-but he
won't" "a solemn pause.) ''Dick, did you ev-
er hear of schoolmaster's dying? | mean
cross one."
"No-nor you neither"
mo cause they don't die, never-but our
master came plaguy nigh it once-by George
ifhe only.had. Last summer he was sick few
days, and stayed from school; and every body
else was sick, so he couldn't get anybody to keep
and the usher didn't know how, so, we
went it one week any how. We drove three
pigs up stairs, right through the schoolroom-
put crackers into theSusher's desk, so they
would go off the mint he opened it-tieda dead
mouse to Susan Trips bonnet, so that she
screeched herself into fits-upsot bottle of
ink all over the school register, and l can't
tell what we didn't do. One Saturday, arter
school, / was sittin' to dinner-father had
moved back and was readin' paper, and was
tellin' Ben what glorious times we was havin',
when all of sudden father speaks up and
says: 'Ah, Dick, here's sad news for your
For me- saysI. What's that, fatherf says |.
So with that he read out aloud;
"'Died, yesterday, universally regretted, Mr..
Zedekiah Whipple, late principle Of the Pelton
dence of his BROTHER
Father looked over his specs at me, SO
dassened laugh; but as soon as 1 could get out
streaked it for the mill pond, where a lot on
us had agreed to meet-cause we were panin'
a fight with the 'choakies.' As soon as told
'em the news, they sot up whoorah! and then
we all concluded to go to the funeral Jest for
the fun of it. So we fixed ourselves up with
rope yarns for mournin' weeds, and then march
ed off in body for the house. When we got
there twas all still-no carriage or hearse, nor
nothin'-we didn't know whether we was too
early or too late. So we consulted, and finally
agreed that we d make as though we didn't know
he was dead, and l should go to the door and
ask after the health of the 'tarnel old dragon
So up marched as bold as sheep, and pulled
the bell, and, thupderation! who should come
to the door, but old Master Whipple, himself!
| was so dumbfounded, somehow, that blum
dered right out. 'Why-why--we thought
you was dead, Master Whipple, and so we
come to the funeral With that the boys sot
up reglar yell, and pulled foot, and legged
it arter 'em, like all creation. / run straight
home and searched the newspaper all over, and
there wasn't the least sign of any sech death in
it. 1t was hoax of dads. Now wasn't that
blamnation cruel? Next week old cross bones
came into school again."
"What did he say to you then, Dick?"
"Say! Why don't want to say anything
peticklar about that; but some of us did ketch
it, Ireckon. Now, Ned, want to caution you
If ever you hear ola schoolmasters dying, don't
believe tits all gammon.-Sc hOoImasters
don't nerer der