Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1848-01-18
"Wall-why don't you fetch on some

/ . srn
"There's the carte, SIR" asjr Eae :
"Where's the cart? And what in the
thunder am i to do with the cart when
I've got it! Look out, you pesky sarpint,
or you'll catch it,"
''The dill offare." .lt 3%
81 don't pay my bill till I've had my
fodder" soil 5a ia
The waiter humb!y explained his mean.
ing. aa eal
whats all these crack-jaw names
mean? Give me somethin' plain and
hearty--biled corn beef-and fetch it
about the quickest-whiIe look over the
paper and see what else I'll have" The
meat was brought him. Z
"Hold on!" was the next order. "What's
this here? M.a-c.c.e--Read it, won't
you, sir 2" a1H aa
"Maccaroni, sir" ts o.. H
"All right, cap'n. Hurry it up" aa
The dish was brought. r.a
"You eternal cuss % roared the Down.
Easter, "efI hain't as great mind as ever
| had to ker wallop yer, and make an ex.
ample of We on the spot What do you
mean by running your rigs on me jest
because I'm stranger in these parts 3
Take away your darned billed pipe-stems,
and fetch US on some cabbage. That's
right. And now, squire, some vinegar"
"Vinegar's in the castor, sir" replied
the waiter. and made good his retreat.
''In the castor, is it. hey" soliloquised
the Yankee; land where in thunder is
the castorr' s.ot a
The young gentleman opposite pushed
it towards him. He looked at it--took
the stopper out of the vinegar, and taking
up the castor by the bottom, turned it up.
But all the cruets manifested desire to
illustrate the laws of gravity and leap from
their locations, and the yankee was com.
PEELED to set it down again.
Jerusalem" he exclaimed. "This
here IS curious continuance, and no mis-
take. How on airth am to get at the
tarnal vinegar! I'll try it once more"
Again he canted the castor, but this
time all the stopples tumbed out.
"Thunderation." he roared. "here's a
pretty mess. Darn it all There Eve got
the darned castor oil into my gravy, and
the darned red lead on my cabbage. and
the yalier on my 'tater. Darn the thing,
say!" ..a ..s
"My friend" said the gentleman oppo-
site, with strong control over his risible
muscles; sit appears to me if. were in
want of vinegar. that | should take the
vinegar cruet out ofthe stand, and by that
means should avoid all trouble"
Here the whole company, walters and
all, broke into convuIsive fit oflaughter
The Yankee rose in rage, upsetting his
chair, and glaring defiance on his neigh.
bors.
GLOW, in the name of AL the tarnaI
cusses in CREATION" he yelled, "should
know anything about the way the darn
thing worked when never seed one o.
'em afore?'--You've hatched this up agiu
mel knew it. Whar's the landlord
Fetch your bill on--I'll get out of this -
haint eat ten cents worth, but Ill pay up
like book-and cuss and quit. And 4
ever ! set out to eat meals vittles in
Boston town again--you may take my
hide and tan it. Darn your castors--anc
your castor leland you, too, one anc
all! !" And flinging down dollar on the
table, he seized his white bell-top from
the hand of a trembling waiter and ga
moSed. Down Washington and State
streets, he streaked it like a comet, anc
never slackened his pace till he pulled W
on board the Kennebec. ..--........
"Cap'n" said he TO the commander
Cast off your line jest as quick as you've
mind too. And eff ever you catch mt
wanting to see Boston again, jest you take
me by the slack and throw me right int,
that ere bilel, boots and abby gravy =
OLD MAIDs.-Whenever we meet will
an article, or hear remark sneering a
old maids, we take it to eminate from
some Anticipated fellow who thinks il
this way to pass off for a wit. What
pity every one of such characters could'n
: understand that the reason some ladie
, are old maids is because they would NO
marry such as he. There is not a wo
man in ten thousand that might not hav
r been married had she pleased. and it i
= consequently her own choice that she i
not. These paItry attempts at witat tn
expense of unmarried ladies have toolon
passed current, and they have done
great deal to attach kind of odium of
silly. unjust, and unfeeling character t
u one ofthe very best classes. Who d
Q most to seek out and relieve distress?-
0 Who are the friends Of the poor? WI
care for, work for, and do most to susiai
!. our churches? The ladies, and the unmal
J. red ones. And because it has bee
e thought SMART to talk of and laugh at Ol
maids, many girl has, to escape tn