Weekly miners' express. (DuBuque, Iowa) 184?-1849, 1848-11-14
MRS. sCRUGGINs' ADVICE TO a
YOUNG WIDOW---lIOW TO GET
MARRIED. a. @a. ss~

MRS. sCRUGGINs' ADVICE To>A
YOUNG WIDOW---lIOW TO GET
MARRIED. 's5 aa~ ,ts.
"You can't think, my dear Mrs. JONES'"
said Mrs. Scruggins the other day 10 a
fellow boarder, chow dreadful afflicted |
was to hear Of the dyin' Of your poor,
husband, Mr.. William Jones. l felt like
one Of our family had gone; such a hon
est, lovin,' at1ectionate, good nalursd man
he was too! alIays took great fancy
to him, arter you told me that he never
failed givin' you money when you want
ed it, which unfortunately, isn't a faiin'
with the lords in gineral, exceptin' when
they marry rich feminines, and then they
have to be reminded Of the circumstance
pretty often. My dear gone Mr.. Scrug-
gins was very purtic'lar about givin' me
money, and never would refuse me 'cept.
in on some purtic'lar 'casions-when he
hadn't it for instance, and then couldn't
blame him much, you know. Well, as
was sayin' your husband is gone; and it's
no KNOWN when you'll gi: anuther, for
I've found, by dredful experience, that
the lords are excessive afraid Of the wild
ers, excep,in' indeed they're rich, and
you know you amt particularly troubled
that ERE way. Don't think want to
make you feel bad my 5*ar; there's no
tellin' what'll happen, and you may be
blessed with anu,her lord some Of these
days, if you set your cap right; and tl,;,:'<
what want TO give you some advice
about.
"Femnines that hasn't been married,
and widders that has, are sitivated oppo-
sitelv TO each other in matters reverentiaI
to matrimony; the lords don't look at 'em
in the same way and the wilder RS has to
mind their hints, or else they don't git
married very soon agin, and I'm livin'
example Of the fact. I've been a wilder
jist two years and seven months this day,
and Il dreadful long time it seems, too.-
But | don't tell Mr.. Skinklo so. Widders
ortcr be 'cecdin' careful how they talk
about their husband that is gone; either
too much or too little said about 'em isn't
right. You shouldn't be allays talkin'
about his vartues, and what a good hus-
band he was, and how desperate uncon-
SOLD you are, and al!ays are goin' to be;
it discourages them as are settin' up TO
you, and alore you know emmy thing,
they fly the track, and then you can't do
nothing with 'em. Lowers are like
mules-they git along very we'll in the
traces until ar!er you begin driving fast,
and then they git stubborn, and the more
you want 'em to be quiet, and try to coax
them to 60 ahead, the more they stop and
kick up. Afore you use the whip, see
that they are geared up tight, and every
thing fixed so they can't run away. If
you do talk about your deceased lord do it
in very quiet way, like you was very
sorry at what couldn't be hel ped; but jest
hint that there might be even better men
than he was, and that you didn't find mat
ermony very unagreeabIe. If your low
yer Is like what your husband was, you
can say that you'll never marry until
arter you find jist SIGH one as he was,
and If he amt like as he was at all, why
you can jst talk around in quiet kind Of
way about variety being the spices Of life,
and so on.
"l've often heard on dashin' widders,
and I've observed that them there as
makes the most show, is allays the ones
that is most disable to afford it. This is
very apprchcnsible; but as you amt per-
tic'lar we'll TO do in the world, the best
way to gil along is to talk very mystifed
like, about the salvation Of things in GIN
eral, and your professions in goods, dimes
and chat,les in particular.
81 recollect how ! lost good chance,
jst arter was made widdor, by telin,
one OF the lords who was settin' I'D to me
strong, all about my arcumstances.-
While | was a tellin' him, noticed his
face got amazing long, and he look won
derlul disappointed. AFTER that, insted
Of coming every day, as he did afore, he
dropped off wunsl week, and then wuns;
a month, and, to wind up, he didn't come
no more.
At this affecting, confession Mrs. Scrug-
gins was compelled to wipe her specta-,
cles, "thcy were so excessive dim."-[St.
Louis Revcile.