Staunton spectator, and general advertiser. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 183?-1849, 1848-10-18
Nj | S C Il L l. A N Y.
ORIGINAL HUMOR.

A SQUIRTING JURY.-Once upon time, or to
be a little more particular, nearly half a century
ago, Cor the editor of this paper well remembers
the time, place and scene, which are firmly fixed
upon his boyish Tecollections) there dwelt in the
town of --- in old England, remarkable cd
dity, in the person of an attorney at law, who al
though not fair to look upon, (for he was in truth
one of the homeest specimens of humanity ever
beheld by mortal man twas wilhal person of sound
judgment, great benevolence, various learning,
poet, painter, and a wit of no mean order.
1t SO happened that the aforesaid gentleman
G"%""* Gss" Esq, was appointed High Sheriff of
the town of . He was man of fortune and
had a kind heart, as many poor prisoner could
testify, who par,ook Of the good cheer with which
the prisoners were literally supplied at Christmas,
and other well known festivals from the private
purse Of the High Sheriff.
1t was of course the duty Of the High Sheriff to
summon a Grand and Petit Jury, to attend at the
Quarter Sessions of which the Recorder Mayor
and Aldermen Of the borough composed the Court,
In the performance of his official duty in summon
ing the petit jury, our High Sheriff induIged in
some of the stranges and drolest freaks that have
probably ever been heard of in any other town or
country In the first place he summoned for the
October court, a jury consisting of twelve of the
latest men he could find in the borough, and when
they came to the book to be sworn, it appeared
that only nine jurors could Sit comfortable within
the box Alter great deal of sweating, squeezing
and scoldlng, the PANEL was literally jammed into
the box, and when seated they presented to the
eye OF the court, the barrisers, and audience 'the
tightest fit' of jury that ever seen in any
court room. Literally, they became, much to the
amusement OF the Court and its robed advocates,
"a packed jury" and no mistake!
For the January term, our facetious High Sher-
III On consequence it was said of some hint from
the Recorder that there should be more fat pan
nels summoned to his court } went into the opposite
fatiest men he could find in the borough and when
they took their seats in the, box, it appeared
paratively empty-there was indeed room enough
for twelve more of the same sort and dimensions.
For the April term of the Court, our humorous
funcllonaTy summoned jury consisting Of twelve
BARRIERS Now it so happened that among the lat
ter were the very perTequieTs who dressed the Re
corders and barristers' WIGS and some Of the lat
ter, arriving late at the bar, had to appear that
morning IN court, with their wigs undressed or
half dressed, TO cut very ridiculous figure,
amidst the smiles and half suppressed laughter of
the bystanders. The High Sheriff of course en-
joyed the fun amazingly, but looked grave as a
judge" while he tried to keep silence in the court
room.
Bot The browning joke Of this waggish function
aTy occurred at the sumrnoning of his fourth and
last Jury at the Summer Sessions in July. For
that term Of the Court, the High Sheriff not having
the fear Of the Recorder, the Mayor and the Alder
men, UCiOIS G)SS, dttudDy SuIIlIDOncu OOtnt-
ing Juryl twelve queer looking bipeds as ever
took their seats in a jury box-a jury that was prob
ably more looked at, and laughed at, than any of
the appointed twelve that ever were sworn TO swell
and truly try and true deverance make between
their Sovereign Lord the King and The prisoner at
the bar"
But the scene was so irresistbly drol, that the
learned Recorder could not maintain his gravity
The Mayor and Aldermen followed suit The
barristers laughed while their wigs became bald
and powdeTess nay even the poor prisoners in the
dock, who were 10 be put upon their trial and some
OF them undergo transportation, could not refrain
from joining in the general cachinaon And when
the learned Recorder commanded the High Sheriff!
to bring the court room to order, and intima led
with half suppressed laugh. that the latter ought
to be ashamed ofhimselffor summoning such n j1y
the drOllery of this court was heightened
considerably, by the quick, ready, and sonorous re-
Spouse Of the High Sheriff, who, looking at the
same time wsggshly at the Squirting Jury, OK
c!amed-"AiI good and lawful men, your honor