The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1848-03-17
Tenn TurWeII;

W, ne hQrmontcm9 1nHus1ceS " EleCti0iis.
Tom Tunwell is genius-a capital gen
ius-for genius is his only capital. His is of
Mat class called by financiers floating, in
contradistincton TO funded, aud hence he is
enabled TO get swimmingly along. In ali
ment he is an epicure, preferring fluids TO
solids, and though not of the non-resistant
or quaker creed, is frequently moved by the
spirit. lie despises toady, but loves a
toddy, and as a Kind Of satisfaction for the
sings which outrageous fortune is ever max,
ing at him, he is in the frequent habit Of
tossing of gin sings. Debts, he says, are
the peculiar privileges of gentlemen. The
only one which he ever means to pay is the
debt Of nature, and before doing that, he
viii claim as many days grace as 'tis pos
sible for him To obtain. He thinks there
must be something shamefuly wrong in the
structure Of society, when the letter of a
member OF congress can 60 free from one
end OF the country TO the other.
Entertaining these peculiar IDEAS, il is not
natterof wonder if Tom sometimes finds
his way TO the calaboose, or if some obiru-
sive cicerone, in the shape of a Waterman
would inv oluntarily conduct him there. Tom
was noticed last night, sitting on the soft
side of aplank, opposite the new Municipal
! Hal, indulging in Ons Of his peculiar ru-
limitations on the events of the day. They
calls this the age Of inventions, said Tom
but why does not some Teller take ont pa
tent for providing drinks on tick would nol
he be benefactor Of his species Oh
course he would, because it nd be a substi.
tnte for specie. Or If bill was Introduced
| torperpetual elections. it would 60 farto OBJ
via'e the difficulty. They talk Of the goot
| that missionary societies does. but they ain
| no circumstance in humbling the exalte,
and exalting the humble, To an election b,
the people, You don't see no folks putin.
on airs in Election time: every teller is a.
good as another, and some dain'd sigh
better. Candidates aint never near-sighted
they sees every body: there aint no tee,o
taIers anonS them neither, for they treat,
every body: the very awkwardest Of 'em
could make forth, one would think, jest
by teaching the principles of politcness al
which they are q fay. as the French say
Could any thing on airth equal the hospital
ity of - TO me last night, who is a can.
didate for alderman in myward. lie bro
me home with him: he was little
F.. trcSt-corncd some folks call tit is true
but that was because he wanted to show
| his constituents he was one Of the people
| Well, he raped al the door: he held me BY
the arm. don't well see how he could stand
straight if he'hadn't. When his wife open.
ed it, he said, Mr.. Turuwell, said he. intro.
ducing me 10 that amiallc lady--Mr. Turn
well, one Of my best supporters, which a
the time was literally tue. Why. Charles
my dear. said she, yon seem tipsy. No,
ant--l aint tipsy, said he. but I'm tiesl
from the people, and, my eyes didn't hi
treat me to cold supper and TO Scotch ale
and didn't give for toast the unbough
sui,lages of free people, and didn't he sa,
II was glorious! capital. aud so it was Ia,
only capital which was operating on at Ii,
! time. But | said something about nv ward
didn't |? I'D like TO know what ward i,
not mine? I'd like to know any one iha
wonld attempt TO keep me from wotin
wherever d please: I'd bring any onC
that would before the court on habgcOrpVs
on the charges of RESTRICTING the right o
franc hise--On the charge of -
Having no visabie means Of SUPP ort, said
the Waterman, whojus happened to come
up. and heard TOMS dscurSiye comments
Hello, Charley, says Tom, for he wei
knew his man, these are Elections times. and
it amt constitutional to suppress free opin.
ion. a fellercan give his reasons for vo.
tin. can'the?
Come. move on 10 the Calabcose, SAID
the Waterman.
O, see, says Tom, that is moving tn,
previous question on me, and that aint M
better than gag law, no how you can fix it
The Waterman poked Tom of, and Tom
kept arguing the constitutional question
with HIN till he entered the watch house.