The State guard., 1848-05-16
Adventures at .. Dinner Party

It has sometimes been our fortune to be guest at a dinner party, where ludc- rous events occasionally occur. Having had no inconsiderabe experience in the way of carving and helpng our fellow. feeders, we have the vanity to boast that we can serve out plate of the good things placed before the guests as we'll, and a lit- tie better than some folks. Not so with every one. A gentleman, whom we will designate as friend, was once placed in a most awkward predicament. He hated carving as he did the evil one; and he hap pened to be placed in situation just where he did not want to be. He was invited to dinner party, at which distinguished gentleman was to be present. His mind recoiled at the proximity of dish, the con tents of which he might be called to ope. rate upon, and he avoided any thing that might be supposed to contain joint. In fact he always shirked large cover, as though a living tiger were crouched beneath it, ready to spring upon him. But the day arrived on which he was called upon to ex. ercse his faculties in the internal art as he used to call it. He had anticipated something of the kind, and had been look ing through the books on cookery, which contained carving instructions. One which he read treated largely of this in- internal art, and presented pictures of birds and beasts, with lines drawn, ndi- { eating the course the knife was to take. He studied hard, and got, as he thot, all ! windings and sinuosites of the art by heart. He cut up--n imagination--all sorts of animals common and uncom. mon. And tho thus theoretically pre- pared he still made his appearance at the dinner party with huttering heart.
 Dinner was announced, and he, being ! near the lady of the house, felt obliged to offer her his arm, though he would have gladly exchanged this distinction for a bowling wilderness, since it seemed 10 be- speak the probability of his sitting next to her; and, if so, he knew too well, if she did not, what would follow. As he ar. gled so he approved, She assigned the interesting stranger on her right, and placed our friend on the left, post of ho- nor, it might be; but to him, pillory would have been sort of paradise, con- pared to it. The cover being removed, a big salmon was exhibited to view. The lady turned to him, requesting his asss- tance. His last hope, fimsy us it was, hung upon the interesting stranger solic-
 ting this distinction. But he sat erect and mute; and when she politely handed him the fsh-slice and knife, he felt about as much obliged to her as though she had presented to him a poisoned goblet and dagger. But there was no retreatiug.
 Being no gormand, he did not for his soul know why one part of creature de- signed for eating was not as good as ano. ther. Moreover the tail of the fish was towards him, and he judged from that cir- cumstance that it was designed that he should commence there. He began, therefore, at the tail, and insinuating the fish-slice at it's very extremity, turned over thin finless morsel to the distin. guished guest, whose plate was first at his elbow. He looked sour as it was placed before him. The lady soon perceived our l friends error, and before he had despach. ed another plate, pointed to the upper part of the fish. He dashed in the slice under the super intendance of her finger, and detacheda portion for the other guests 1; for every one, as fate would have it, would eat fish, and no one would taste soup, a sound which he eagerly longed to catch, as a remission of at least part of his sentence Unceasing demands made him desperate, and he laid about him with knife and slice, with so little address that before half the company were supplied, the :, salmon lay an unsightly heap of ruins, and the most experienced might have been puzzeled to determine what in reali. ty it had hoirginally been.