Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1845-1854, 1848-02-16
Etiquette Run Mad.

~~~~~~ ~"A~~>A
Mr.. PRINTER-I am an old bachelor;
and as such perhaps my opinion may be
slighted by those to whom advert. But,
alas! the great reason of my celibacy is
despair at not being able to find among all
my female acquaintance any one who
dares TO eschew prejudice and act as be-
comes natural woman. There are so
many rules and observations, SO many forms
and ceremonies, in every circle into which
/ am thrown that it seems to me as if all
female mortality were involved in laby-
rinthine network of false ideas and fidicu-'
lous etiquette. live in the little village
Of, where, formerly, it was the boast
of our aged Pastor, that nothing but kind
ness and simplicity pervaded the manners
of the inhabitants. But all of sudden,
some years since, spark of evil fire
threw the whole community into blaze,
the effects of which still continue.
1t seems that city 1ady,a woman whose
youth and maidenhood had been passed in
the various avocations of house-maid, man.
taa-maker, and lady's attendant, but who,
having married tailor well to do in the
world, found herself q widow, with large
iointure;-she visited our village for the
summer season, and commenced such sys-
tenn Of punctillo and ceremony, as COM
pletely turned the hitherto sensible heads of
all our village matrons. Setting herselfup
as shining beacon, she so dazzled our
good women, that they could see nothing
but her example, and this they followed
with most terrible pertinacity; till finally
etiquette was carried to such pitch, that
the most intimate friends became distant as
the frigid zones. Miss Patty Wilkins,
whose father is an eminent dry-goods deal
er, assured me that her mama had not spo-
ken to Mrs. Jones, the stuff shop-woman,
for month for that Mrs. Jones had pre-
sumed 10 take higher seat than her mama
at Mrs. Williams grand supper, though
her papa was a much wealthier man than
Mrs. Jones' husband, who had actually once
been bankrupt. Then Mrs Bow would
not notice Mrs. Wow, because Mrs. Bows
husband Mr.. Bow, had been elected town
clerk, whereas Mrs. Vows husband MIR.
Wow, was only church-warden and actual
ly rung the town-bell. Then there was
coldness between Mrs. Fig, the grocer's
wife, and Mrs. Pig, the butchers lady, and
a shyness between Mrs. Tweedle and Mrs.
Dee; discord between Mrs. Hum and Mrs
Bug, and downright quarrel between Mrs.
Marrowbone and Mrs. Mallet. In shorts
most harmonious system of disagreement
between all the ladies of the village.
An end was put to friendly meetings and
neighborly acts. Courtesies and greetings
took place no longer on the church steps;
the children were baptized in private; par
ties and sleigh-rides became obsolete. Cen
serious remarks and title-tattle were all the
topics of discourse, and the very demon OF
slander seemed to be about to set up an al.
tar in our midst.
Things went on in this way for a coup
le of years when Squire Weston,the mem.
Der to Congress from our district, purcha.
sed house in our village, and moved
down with his amiable family. He soon
noticed the state of things among us, and
being gentleman of great good feeling,he
proposed inviting all the ladies of the par.
ish to greatlball and house warming; but
how to bring them together, without setting
them all by the ears, was question of mos
delicate moment. For some time, the mem
Der and his family held council Of peace.
and the result was a placard Or notification
to the following effect copy of which
was served on all our beligerent disciplines
of etiqaette. ',>..+ . 5'~
:'isF '" To THE LADIES.
Mr. Weston and family will be happy
to meet all the ladies of the parish at hi:
house on Thursday evening. And having
given much consideration to the dispute:
which at present exist among them, he pro
poses, if any question of precedence shoule
arise, that the lady who is the prettiest ant
most accomplished of the two, shall give
way and place to the other.
This, Mr.. Printer, worked like charm
The ladies were so confounded, that none
pretended to insist on rank. Yet every
one had such an opinion of her own charms
and graces, that the question was not who
should take refreshments first, or the heat
of q cotillion, or seat at the table-bu
who should do all these things last, with th'
most obliging humility.
Now: iftbis happy expedient could b
initiated, might we not hope that the rag
for ceremony would soon cease, and sim
plicity reign instead? That indeed woul'
be pleasing news for your friend.
! ~fez.' :. CeLEBs, Jr.