Wisconsin herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1846-1849, 1848-06-24
MISCELLANEOUS.
Management in Love Affairs.


want 'em TO 90.
When lived down at Elton, there was a
good many fust rate gals down there, but
didn't take likin to any of 'em till Squire
Cummins cum down there to live. The
Squire had mighty purity darter. II ed
some Of the gals was fust rate, but Nancy
Cummins was fust rate, and leetle more.
There was many dressed finer and looked
grander, but there was something jam about
Nance, that they couldn't hold candle to.
If fellow seed her once, he couldn't look
at another gal for week. tux likn to
her rite off, and we got as thick as thieves.
We used TO go to the same meeting, and sot
in the same pew. 1t took me to find sarns
and hims for her; and we'd swell 'em out in
a manner shockin to hardened sinners; and
then we'd mosey hum together, while the
gals and felers kept lookin on as though
they'd like TO mix in. I'D always stay to
supper; and the way she could make inlm
cakes, and the way would slick 'em over
with molasses and put 'em away was nothin
to nobody. She was dreadful civil, tew, al
ways gettn something nice for me. ] was
up to hub in love, and was going in for it
it like locomotive. Well, things went on
in this way for spell, ill she thought she
had me tite enough. Then she began TO
show of kinder independent like. When
I'D go to the meetin, there was no room in
the pew, when she'd cum and she'd streak
off with another chap, and leave me suckin'
my fingurs at the door. Instead of sticking
to me as she used to do, she got cuttin
round with all the other fellers, jest as she
cared nothin about me no more-none what
ever.
got considerably riled, and thought |
mite as well cum to the eend on it AZ once;
so down | went to have it out with her
There was hull griSt of felers there.
They seemed nifty quiet till went in; then
she GOT to talking all manner of NONSENSE
sed nothln to me, and darned little of that.
tried to keep my dander down, but it
worn't any use-l kept moving about as it
had pin in my trowsers; sweat as if
had been threshin. My collar hung down
as il it had been hung over my stock to dry.
couldn't stand it; SO cleared out as quick
y as | could, for seed twas no use to say
nothn to her. | went strate to bed and tho't
the matter over spell. Thinks |, that gal
is jest tryin of me; faint no use of our play
in possum; I'll take the kink out of her; if
don't fetch her oct of that high grass, use
NE for sassage meat.
J heard tell of boy wunce that got to
skewl late on Sunday mornin; master SEE:
You tarnel sleeping crittur, what kept
you so latei'
'Why,' says the boy, sit's so everlasting
slippery out, couldn't get along, no how;
every step took forrard. went two steps
backward; and couldn't have got here at
all, if | hadn't turned back to 90 'tother
way
Now that's jest my case. have been
putting after that gal considerable time
Now, thinks |, iii 90 tother way-she'd
been slitin of me, and now I'll site her.
What's sass for the goose, is sass for the
gander.
Well, went no more to Nancys. Next
Sabbaday, | slicked myself up, and ! dew
SAY, when ] got my fixins on. ] took the
shine clear off of any specimen of human
natur in our parts. About meeting time, off
put to Elthum Dodge's. Patience Dodge
was as nice gal as you'd see 'twixt here
and yonder, any more than she wasn't Just
like Nancy Cummins. Ephraim Mussey
had used to go to see her; he was a clever
fellow, but he was dreadful jelus. Well,
went to meetin with Patience, and set
right afore Nancy; didn't set my eyes on
her till after meetin; she had Teller with
her, who had blazing red head, and legs
like pair of compasses; she had face as
long as a thanksgivin dinner. | know'd
who she was thnkin about, and 'twan't the
chap with the red head, nufher. Well ] got
to boein Patience about, spell. Kept my
eve on Nance, seed how the cat was Jump
in; she didn't cut about like she did, and
looked rather solemnly; she'd gin her tew
eyes to kiss and made up. | kept it up
till ] like to have got in mess about Pa
thence. The crittur thought was going af-
ter her for good, and got as proud as a tame
turkey.
One day Ephe cum down to our place,
lookin as rathy as a malisby officer on
trainin day.
Look here, says he, Seth Stokes as
loud as small clap of thunder, I'll be
darDed-'
'Hallol' says ], WHATS broker
Why says he, came down TO have
satisfaction about Patience Dodge. Here
I've been courtin ever since last year: and
she was just as good as mine, till you cum
going after her, and now | can't touch
her wall forty foot pole
Why says |, what on earth are You
talking abouti aint got nothin TO do with
your gal; but spose had, there's nothing
for you to get wolfy abour. If the gal has
taken liken to me, faint my fault; IL
have taken liken to her faint her fault;
and if we've taken liken TO each other,
faint your fault; but amt so almighty Ia
ken with her, and you may get her for all
me; so you hadn't ought TO get savage about
noihin'
Well says he, rather cooled down
am the unluekiest thing IN creation. ] went
tother day to place where there was an old
woman died Of the bots or some such dis
ease, and they were sellin out her things.-
Wen. there was a thunderin big chfst Of
drawers, full Of all sorts Of truck; 20 | bot
II and thought had made a spec; bat when
came to look at 'em, there warnt nothin
in il worth a cent, excep, an old silver thiH,-