Glasgow weekly times. (Glasgow, Mo.) 1848-1861, 1848-10-19
THEY CAN'T FOOL ME !!
Suspicion is heavy armor, and

"Suspicion is a heavy armor, and
With its own weight, impedes us more.'
Billy Keene's peculiar boast was the ut
ter impossibili,y Of being hoared, or in his
more expressive phraseology fooled. They
can't fool mel" was ever at his tongues
end, and so evident were his attempts to
impress this fact upon all with whom he
had any thing to do, that he not unfre.
quently made fool of himself!
Billy always made a point of expressing
his disbelief Of every thing, however pau-
sible, that reached his ears, which by the
way, were exceedingly easy of access, be.
ing not more than five feet two inches,
from the ground, when their owner stood
upon his feet.
Suspicion was always the "one idea" in
his mind; he suspected everybody of some
abortive design to gull him-from the most
respective friend, down to poor old Isaac,
who had no more idea of practical Joke,
than 4 polar bear might be expected to
have of baby.jumper
Billy was not naturally hard-headed but
he was so suspicious, tina, he turned TWEEN.
ty beggars from his door, where he relieved
the necessities of one. In vain was the
imploring eye raised, and the wasted hand
extended TO him for aims. The more pite-
Gus the story, the more evidently was it to
him hoax. Il, all sounds very pi,iful,'
he would exclaim, " but I've seen too much
of the world-Pve heard too much of such
stuff-its no use--you can't fool me" and
the wretched mendicant was compelled TO
seek in other quarters for that charity
which believeth all things, which thinketh
no evil.
Billy was once married, but it was long
time ere he was fooled into the state of
double blessedness," yet Gas he himself has
acknowledged he often met with hair
breadth escapes, before he was finally hook
ed. We recolect his Boosting once, during
his dictatorship, that Emma b. the only
daughter of a neighboring merchant was
endeavoring 10 ensnarc him into the mat
rimonia moose. He was making the boast
to his part ocular friend; 'other people don't
notice it" said he, "but it is as plain as day
to me. She thinks | don't see her plan!
ha! ha! she can't fool me! Folks say her
father will give her a cool ten thousand;
hu,nbug! If she's got the spoons why
should she be so anxious 10 get into my
good graces! that's the question! She's
rather pretty to be sure, but | wonder if
she thinks that believe her complexion
and teeth NATURAL Guess she'll find,
amt quite so yerdant as she thinks ! am.
No sir, she can, fool me!'
Billy accompanied these words with o
sly wink of peculiar expression, and gave
no little cause of astonishment 10 his friend
who, for reasons best known to himself,
was aware that the young lady was inno-
cent of any such intention as Billy impu-
ted 10 her. Billy was no less astonished
the next day, at hearing of the marriage of
his friend, early that morning with the
identical Emma b., whose ten proved to be
fifteen thousand, and whose personal charms
were all natural, mdlSTe Bills suspicious.
His friend found in Emma lovely, devo-
ted wife, while he, still wrapped in his
heavy armor," remained bachelor.
But at length, as we have already told
you, our hero was married. How any
daughter of eve managed TO fool him into
an union, is now and ever must remain 10
US, profound mystery. We are certain
however, that no was married, for VIC find
him at fifty, a widower, with an only daugh'
ter, beautiful gil Of eighteen.
Our worthy friend was proud Of bin
daughter Mary, aud well indeed he might
be, for she had sweet, lovely face, and q
fauIlless form, and there was world 0I
mnbfuIOess aud mischief IN bor sparkling
buek eyes Nor was II strange that 9th
o.. should love ber besides ber suspleou.