Wisconsin herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1846-1849, 1848-10-21
The Patent Rag Chewer.


this place, there is established paper mill,
which attracts no small share of attention
from the curious, and ELECTS many visit,
as all are of course anxious to see the PRO-
cess of converting old rags into paper. 1t
sometimes happens that those crowds of
admirers of the marvellous, contain among
their number some of these real matter of
fact kind of fellows who ike 10 know
something Of causes as wen as effects,
which may be illustrated by the following
dialogue:
g | say, stranger, how do you get them ere
rags fine enough for making papers
We have men employed to chew them,
sir" replied the paper man.
To what TO chew them, did YOU say -
"Yes, to chew them. to be ure-did you
never hear of chewing rags TO make pa
Ipers'
" No, never did, and would like to know
what kind of wages you give, Gaze ! got
little the best sect of teeth you ever did see,'
said the green 'un, grinning, gnashing at the
same time in the way of exhibition, with a
fury that made the testing proprietor quake
test ttlt lbhN NuQUib uiiltStll
form Of personal combat.
81 see, see," replied he of the paper
MILL stepping back never saw better
set of toeth for business. Well, we give ex-
perienced hands 81 80 per day, and young
beginners we give Is ,00-do you think you
would like the business, sirs'
Yes Sir-ree, aud the wages too |" replied
the other with delight.
every well, sir, you may set in now for a
month, and at the expiration of that, we no
doubt, will raise Your wages Here, you
may commence this"-banding an old sad
die blanket to his much delighted applicant
who took il and sat down 20 his task, with
as much sang tioid as an epicure would to u
well roasted piece Of beef stake.
g | say, old pard, do you think that ar
blanket will stand me any of my time AT
alI? Why could chew it all smash up and
swallow il before you could tell what time
the sun sets by Elton's almanac"
He set TO work like juvenile steam en-
gine, his heavy teeth grinding as if they
were millstones, the dust flying, but desper-
ately intent on earning good iiring wages,
though the labor was decidedly bad living
With the voracity of Bengal tiger, and
spirit worthy of n better cause, the martyr
TO the progress of science, continued AT his
task, wondering beyond expression in his
own mind, how many hands, or rather how
many sets of teeth it took TO do the chewing
of that " tnrnatIon big mill" But il was in
vain that the heavy jaws wagged, and the
sharp teeth crushed, the pile of chewed rags
did not seem to grow very fast and 10 add
to the machines rising feelings Of indigna-
tion II crowd hegah 10 gather round Ia
witness the singular spectacle of human
opposition TO the rag breakers, shaking
the whole building from another depart
ment.
"What m darnation are you gapin' at!'
at last exclaimed the rag chewer through O
moulhful Of rags in n state of nlastication.-
" Drat ye, thar is fifty rag spiln' machines
like me up stairs, all in Il bunch--why don'i
You go ~ aud see Mem?"
The crowd looked very much delighted
and expressed themselves highly pleased
with his performance.
81 know thar can't 60 il like them fel-
lers up stairs, for my grinders ant used to
il yet, besides | don't believe horse blank
cts Is good 10 start on. but tell you straug-
ers when il cores % s,ttals or tebaker, Pm
thar"
The fun began TO rise, and with il the sag
ebewer's Indignation. " See here, stranger,
he beloved, splitting out his last attempt,
and hallooing at his employer, who had Just
appeared--" blamed to blanenation If Pm
going TO sit here and be laughed at IN this ere
way-if you don't put me up stairs among
the rest Of 'em | won't chew up another
blanket, dnrned IL do -
"Whatm exclaimed the employer, with
n sober face, and very Indignantly, " is thai
al you've got chewed up? And wet, too
nv thnndcrl Get out Of this--you'll never
do for this business in the world. There's a
blanket ruined 10 al eternity, TOO, for you've
wet every rnou,hfIl and how can $50 make
dry paper out of wet rags Come move
yourself in hurry"
The victim did not await a second invita-.
ton, but went off in all speed for fear he
should he called npon TO pay for The blanket
and fully determined hereafter 20 stick q
bis lawful business, and let paper mile
alone.
MAEING MoNEy ouT or NoTutHo.-h y