Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1848-04-13
Darictn.
A STRETCHER.

A STRETCIER.
"Ahl Mr.. c., when did you return from
Rockawayl"
"Just arrived, sir"
"Any newsl"
''None of great imPoruncc--wc caught a
shark to-day"
"Ah! how long was itl"
"Slxty-fve feet Sir"
"llOw much did il weight"
"EighIeen tons and three.quartersl"
"By this time the listeners gathered close
about C, but not smile was to be- seen upon
his counlenance, or anything to denote that he
was telling aught but the truth.
"By the way, Major" continued Go
forgot TO toll you that we had found the N. Y.
Brass Band. You recolocl when | came up
last week, told you they took their instruments
with them, and went out in u sail boat. Tho
boat was seen TO capsiZe, and they were supposed
TO be lost; but when we opened the shark we
caught to-day, VIC found them all alive and hear
iy,--lheir liquor bottle empty, and Peterson, the
bugler, setting near the gilIs playing, "Como
rest in this bosom!"
FIGHTING by MEAsURE.-The usual place of
resort Tor Dublin duellsts, is called tho Fifteen
Acres" An attorney of that city, in pennlng n
challenge, thought, most likely, he was drawing
u lease, and invited his antagonist to meet him
al ''the place called Fifteen Acres, be the same
more or less.
RUNNING FOR AN OFFIcE.--" Ililloa there!
E What's your hurryl whero arc you going!"
"Gong, I'm running for an Office"
Running for an oilire what ollicol'
"Why lawyers office. Darn it, I'm sued"
BOON'S PlPE.--A stono pipe, in the form
Of an opossum's hcnd aud neck, with Daniel
Boone's name upon it, was lately dug up neoI
Richmond, Ky.
SALAMAGUNDI.
Coop ADvIcE.--Nevcr call u man fool. lrs
no use--len chances to one he'll not believe
you.
Tho Yankee Blade is acquainted with an in
dividunl who cannot lay the smallest egg of char
ily without the whole noighborhood cackIinl
over il.
The LAsr.--Why is il better to be burnt thar
TO be beheaded! Because hot stake sTEAG
is better than a cold chop.
Has TAKEN THE SruMP.--Mr. Joseph SEGAF
announces to tho independent voters Of War
wick county Va, that he is a candidate for The
Assembly, and that he has taken THE STUMP.
YOU'VE LADY-never mind hOr location
Gcolding her beau for not sondng her the pair o
new shoes he promised her, writes in n poslscrip
as iolOws:--"P. S.-Them shuz ort to be OF
HAND y and the reckle lection sucks Out abou
feet"
or contemporary speaks of law among
the Arabs which permits man 10 divorce any
OF his wives who do not mako good bread. SucI
law is not KNEADED in this county.
or July, how do wish il was as fashiona
BILE for ladies 10 trade husbands us il is for III,
men 10 trade horsesl"
"Why, Sarahl What do you mean!"
$50 could cheat the eyes out of some one
the women who 'begrude Joe 10 me because h,
makes agood appearancc--to tell the truth, he'
no man at ALL"
0c1- Tame wolves, Of a dmnutve race, nr
now used as laP'dogs by the ladies' in northern
New York.
'Isay, Mister, how came your eyes so all
q fired crooked!
"My eyesl"
|" BY sitting between two gals and trying
make look-love 10 both al the same time"
Out Of eighteen Grand Jurors from MOI
treal, Canada, ten MADE THEIR MAE-coud nc
Iher read nor write.
There Is a locoroco in New Orleans wi
whom thc ''lwo-lhrds rule" is snch iavori
measure, lhat whenever himself and wilo ha
=, ihree eggs for breakfast, he invariably choos
two of them.
fellow wishing admission to a show. d
Jpanded ticket at half price, giving rs reas
Ihst he could only see with one eye,