Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, IA [i.e. Ind.]) 1839-1854, 1848-10-25
From the New York Abion.l
A TALE OF II A SHF Z l. ESS.
BY HEINRICH ZSCHoKKE.

BY HEINRICH ZSCHOKKE.
There is certain misfortune in the
world, not usually enumerated in the list
Of common msfortunes. but which. never
theless. ought to be. 1t affords a living
illustration Of the truth of my assertion.
My father-God rest his soul-sent me
diligently to school; there gained some
knowledge. although our city schools at
that period were none Of the best.
Every one said: :. Max has talent. but
he is shy and awkward, cannot adapt
himself TO the ways of the world. is I'M
acquainted with the usages of society.
and never knew what to do with his hands
and feet: otherwise he is a good and clev-
err fellow enough" .-..
Such was the general opinion of me-
Reader, do you perceive my failing!-
Diligent at school and in the work shop.
was uncleanly and negligent of my at
tire; was civil, obligng and honest. but
baslitul withal, SO that ran off when un-
known persons approached; my eyes new
er knew where to look for resting place
when addressed by a stranger, and if
called upon to meet lady with civiity
and politcness. ] became rooted to the
spot. speechless, and stiff as a ramrod.
Enough-politeness and ease of man
ner, they are called, concerns no
less pertaining to life and life's comfort.
than bread and potatoes or a g lass Of
water.
Many young gentlemen, as | have Of
ten observed. are greatly wanting in these
respects. Many one on going into So
ciety is sadly at loss how 10 dispose of
his cXtremities. and would. one can easily
perceive. nave much rather left them al
home. Many such an unfortunate knows
not where TO quarter hi, hands, thrustlng
them at one moment into his waistcolt. at
another into his breaches pockets, then IN
despair raising one or the other to- his
occiput there to scratch by way Of variety.
Among other illluck cntliled by my
awkwardness. may be rcckoned that Of
being still bachelor. of having reached
my fiity-second year without being bles -
ed with a wife,
No sooner was my old aunt dead. and
her sole heir. thereby rendered COM
paratively aflluent, than |, then in my
thirtieth year. was led to seek the hand
Of a young lady, who to other qualitica-
tons added beauty, virtue, amiabiity, and
wealth besides.
bara; matters were qui ky arranged, and
nothing remained but to cultivate her ac
quaintance. | was accordingly to meet
her at the house of her cousin. and an in
vtaton to dine was forwarded to me.
OF large parties had a perfect horror.
my aforesaid defective education making
me shy and timid; but then what will not
a man do to secure the favor of a pretty
Barbara SO | put on my best Sunday
suit, white silk stockings. bran new hair
bag. and apple green coat with large pearl
buttons-in a word, m de myself smart
as bridegroom.
On reaching the door of the cousins
house. however, my heart began to trump
against my ribs as though had "A smithy
within my breast. eff | could only feel
assured there will be no party thought
|. :" would to heaven it were over For
tunatetv. found the cousin alone. making
up an account in his study. ''fou are
somewhat late. friend Stolpriau.' said he.
] made twenty inclinations right and left.
and laughed in perfect agony to look
agreeable. for The fear of meeting arge
party engrossed every thought.
The cousin having finished. looked
round for some sand. Anxious TO be of
service. | rushed forward, seized, as ILL.,
luck would have it, the ink-stand instead
of the sand box and poured whole stream
of the best black writing fluid over the
neatly kept ledger. thought should
hav immediately tainted from sheer fright.
and in my confusion hurriedly drew forth
my snow white pocket handker hief to
wipe it up.
With an exclamation of .'What on
earth are you doing there. friend Stol-
priau!' my entertainer smilinglv interpos-
ed. and pushing me and my black and
while 'kerchief gently aside. quickly put
things to rights. and then led the way to
the apartment where the company were
assembled. followed. but with trou-
bed spirit. and on looking down was hor-
ritied to observe an ink blot as large as a
form on my left white silk stocking.-
''Ilelp me. heaven!'' mentally groaned.
''what will the company think"
The room door is opened. |. awkward,
block headed BOBBY that | was. thinking
10 show mysel. light and graceful. as well
as clever and gallant, sprang forward,
scrapng first with one foot. then with the
other. in all directions. and not perceiv-
ing a female domestic Just before me,
who was in the act of disaing up pie.
dashed my head with such force into her
back. as 10 send the pie flying out of the
dish on the floor. and so ith compliments
and ducking and bowling. blindly advsn-
ced. | felt as though were in battle.
and about to rush on the enemy guns.
" hat civil things were said on the par,
of the company | know not; as Yet had
not the courage TO look up: but continued
like one possessed. bowling and scraping
and calculating ''your humble servant.
in all directions. until cut short by fresh
mishap.
had in fact reached the pie. which
still lay there. for the servant had not suf-
ficently recovered from her fright and loss
of breath, and stood staring at the master
piece of cooking dashed 10 pieces on the
| floor without an effort to remove ii.
All at once. while engaged in making a
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