Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1848-05-26
NUMBER 40.

sconced himself. tucked his towel under his
chin with sort OF desperation, as IL he was
a gong 10 be shaved or scalped.
The sight Of the covered dishes added 10
his amazement
bod dem il |" be exclaimed. "ef he az.
er herd Of cookin' on the table But here
they've gone and sot tin kitchens all over
the lo'. Whars the fire to come from
that's what I'd like to know 2"
He got along with his soup very we'll, and
was pausing for breath, before he finished
II, when waiter snatched his plate awav
and was running of with IL:
Halo you sir !" vociferated the Van.
keel see you--fetch that here back
qucker'n link ligbinin,' or else you'll have
your head puncbedp
His plate was returned, and he finished
bis soup with dignity After waiting mo.
ment he raised his voice again and sum-
moned the offending waiter sternIy.
"Calkelate TO starye met"
mo SIR"
"Wall-why don't you fetch on some
fresh fodder-darn We p
There's the carte, sir"
WARES the Cart And what in tbun-
der am TO do with the cart when I've got
~ Look out you pesky sarpint or you'll
"The bill of fare"
~ don't pay my bill ill have had nv
fodder"
The waiter humbly explained his mean.
ing.
| !: "Whai,s all ihasA- -..-L ;--------.-e
Give me something plain and hearty-biled
corn beef, and fetch il about the quickest,
whilst ! look over the paper and see what
else I'll bey."
"Hod on" was the next order
Whats here! M-a.c-sl Read il, won't
you, siri
"Maccaroni, SIR"
"All right, csp'n. Hurry il np."
The dish was brought.
"You eternal cuss p roared the down
easter, "ei hain't as grea; mind as ever
had to kerwollop ye, and make an exam
pie of ye on the spot. What do ye mean
by runnin' your rigs on me Jest because I'm
stranger in these partsl Take away your
billed pipe stems, and fetch Us some cab
bage. That's right. And now. squire.
some vinegar"
"Vinegar's in the castor. sir" replied the
waiter, and made good his retreat.
"ln the castor, is il, heyi" soliloquized
the Yankee. "And where in thunder is
the castor r.
The young man opposite pushed il to-
wards him. He looked al it--took the
stopper out OF the vinegar, and taking up
the castor by the bottom turned il up. But
all the cruets manifested desire 10 Illus
trate the laws Of gravity and leap from their
locations, and the Yankee was compelled
to set it down again.
"JerusalemW he exclaimed. "This here
IS a curious continuance, and no mistake.
How on alrIh am to get at the tarnal vim
egarf I'll try once more"
Again he canted the castor, but this time
all the stopples tumbled out.
"Thunderation r he roared; "here's a
pretty mess. Darn it all here I've got the
darned castor all in my gravy, and the darn
ed red lead on my cabbage. and the yallar
on my 'iaier Darn the thing sayl'
MY friend" said the gentleman oppo-
site, with a strong control OF his risible
muscles, "h appears TO me that il we're in
want Of vinegar, should have taken the
vinegar cruet out Of the stand, and BY that
means l should avoid all trouble"
Here the whole company, walters and
all. burst into convulsive 6t OF laughter.
The Yankee rose in a rage, upsetting his
chair, and glaring defiance at his neigRbors.
"How in the name Of all the eternal cuss.
es in creation" lie yelled, "should l know
anything about the way the darned thing
worked, when never seed one of 'em be-
forei You've Matched this up agin mel
know it, Whar's the landlord? Fetch
your bill on--pll get out Of this. l hain'l
eat ten cents worth, but I'll pay up like
book, and cuss and quit. And if / ever
set out to eat a meal of vittles in Boston
town again, you may take my hide and tan
it, Darn your castors, and your castor lie,
and you too, and all !" and flinging down
dollar on the table, he seized his white bell
top from the hand Of the trembling waiter
and ramossd. Down Washington, and
State streets he streaked il like a comet, and
never slackened his pace until he pulled up
on board the Kennebec.
"Cap'n," said he TO the commander,
"cast off your lines jest as quick as you're
a mine io-and eff you catch me wanting 10
see Boston again, jest take me by the slack
and throw me right into that ere bler, boots
and all, by gravyP'