Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1848-01-22

I S Al Ma G U n d..
Sysa Eek, Gems here n !
o Whit. ma

: Sysa Zeks, eens hereIa
Whit, ma ~
Have you- sauded your teeth and tal-
lowed your hair ~
Yes, ma
Tarrcd your boots aud corkel your
syebrowslH
Yes. ma i
Then teazle your hat and 90 to meet
ing We must BE- As fashionable as our
nssghbors"
]. Old, af new the following aneedae is tstifs
ioogood % Be- lost
a pumpkin once dining With The Cow
cfnor Of Rhode Island, where part Of the
entertainment consisted of champagne,
and preserved olives, was asked at the con-
clnsion, BY the host, how he liked his din
ner, replied
: Wall, Goyiner, your -cieie,as very good.
batdara yo2y pickles.
A Boston editor abiding to the long
nose ofsJulius Caesar, the Duke Of Wel-
lngion, John T5fer and other dignitarics,
says that he recently saw a nose that beat
them all twas thin and straight, snub-
bed at the end, and all Of foot long. In
f conclusion, however, il occurs TO him that
" II may be as well to state that it belong
cd 70 . pair Of bellows" m
4 young apprentice to the shoemakiug
business asked his muster what answer he
would give to the often repeated question,
= Does your master warrant his shoes ii
Answer, Thomas, . said the master, shat
/ warrant them to prove good, and IL
they don't, Ill mako them gooilfor-no-
thing.
Sam, why am dc hogs the NEST intel-
lig1pt folks in the world Because, they
nofevery thing
An Irish carman in his list Of journey
expenses, entered in the item Of Z refresh
nent for horses three pence worth Of
whip-cord
Chesterfield, having been informed by
his physician that he was dying BY inch
Is, thanked Heaven that he was not sd tail
by foot as Sir Thomas Robinson
A lover, who had been several years en-
gagged, was asked hga friend why be did
mot marry . Why, i'll should, answered
The lover, awhere could Ik,end my eve
ningsp
The editor Of the Maine Farmer iati-
mates that the design of our government
in sending an expedition TO the Dead Sea,
may be to fish up Seldom and Gomor.
rah, and annex them to the United
States
4 gentleman not very long since, wish,
ing 70 pop the question, did It in the fol
lowing singular Misunderstanding mp the
young lady,s cat, he said, PUSSY, may l
have your mistress ~ It was answered
~ the young lady who said, @Say yes,
Pussy
A Connecticut merchant having become
too conscientious to make any moro wood.
en- nutmegs, has given up the business
and gone 10 manufacturing chalk beans.
& 8
swell, SIR. said a medical student 70 4
cadet Of West Point You 60 to school
10 learn IL kill folks while L learn to cure
them Quite a difference in our pro-
fessionsln
g Not so very great after ALI returned
the other, for they sag that extremes
meet II
Why is.a man who has lost his only
male offspring like cloudy day.
Ans. Because he is sunless lsonlcss)
OLD shoes and old bachelors are both runl
down, although while every one acknowl.
edges that the former have sac, they are
denied TO the latter.
Why are tailors most generous people I
Ans-BecaAse they 90 Sicors often
What IS that which fhstens two per,
sons together and yet touches but ono Of
them
Ans--A wedding-ring
Why Is yoar sweetheart in garrett
like athoughtl
Ans-Because she is Aigh~dsas (idea)
jobs, how do you parse grandma
fher r.
+ don't pass her Al all, Ialways 50 IN
and get = piece
sWhai Is the the singular Of men ~"
AThey i singular ven they paw up their
debts without being asked % do Il do
sen q times