Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1848-11-09
MANAGEMENT OF LOVE AFFAIRS.

.MANAGEMENT'O OF LOVE AFFAIRS.
I've heard folks say ,ha. the wmmin
was contrary. Well, they is a leetle so !;
but if you manage Fem right-hawl in
here and let 'em out there-you can drive
'em along without whip or spur, just which
way you want 'em to 60.
When lived down at Elton, there was
good many fust rate gals down there, but |
didn't take lken to any of 'em till Squire
Cummlns cum down there to live The
Squire had mighty purity darter. said
some Of the gals was lust rate, but Nancy
Cummlns was fust rate, and leetle more.
There was many dressed finer and looked
grander, but there was something jam about
Nance, that they couldn't hold candle TO-
II fellar seed her once he couldn't look at
anu,her gal for week. tux likcn TO
Der rite of, and we got as thick as thieves
We used to 60 to the same meeting, and set
in the same pew 1t took me TO find Sans
and hims for her and we'd swell 'em on,
in manner shockin to hardened sinners
and then we mosey hum together, while
the gals and fellars KEEP, looken on as tho
they'd like to mix in. I'D always stay to
supper and the way she could make injin
Cakes, and the way could slick 'em with
merlasses and put 'em away, was nothing to
nobody. She was dreadful civil, tew, al
ways getting somethin nice for me. was
up to the hub in love and was going in for
il like a locomotive. Well, things went on
in this way for spell until she had me tight
enuf. Then she begun to show off kinder
independent. When I'D 60 to meetin, there
was no room in the pew then she'd cum
and she'd streak off with another chap, and
leave me suckin my fingers at the door. In
stead Of sllckin to me as she used to do, she
got to culin round with all the other fellers,
just as if she cared nothin about me no more
none whatever.
got considerably riled-and ,hot mite
as we'll come TO the end of it at once so
down | went to have it out with her,
There was hull grist Of fellows there
They seemed mighty quiet till went in
then she got to ,alkin all manner of nom
sense-sed nothing to me, and darned little
of that. tried to keep my dander down,
but it worn't any USE hept movin about
as if | had pin in my trousers; Isweat as
If had been thrashn. My collar hung down
as if it had been hung over my stock to dry.
! couldn't stand it; so cleared out as
quickly as could. for | seed twas no use
to say nothing to her.
| went straight to bed and thot the mat
ter over spell. Thinks that gal is jest
tryin Of me; tain't no use of our playin pos
sum l'll take the kink out of her; if don't
fetch her out of that high grass, use me for
sassage meat.
heard tell Of boy wunce that got to
skewl late on Sunday mornin; the master
| seZ-.
You tarned sleepin critler, what has KEEP,
you SO late p
why seq the boy, 'it's so everlasin
slippery Out, couldn't get along, no how;
every step took forward, went two steps
backward; and couldn't have got here at
all, if hadn't turned back to 90 tolher
way
Now that's jest my case. have been
PUTIN after that gal considerable time
Now, thinks, ], pll 60 'tother way-she's
been slitein of me, and now I'll site her,
What's sass for the goose, is sass for the
gander.
Well, went no more to Nancy's. Next
Sabbath day, ! slcked myself up, and dew
say. when got my fxns on, took the
shine clear off of any specimen of human
natur in our parts. About mee,in time off
put TO EIlhum Dodge's. Patience Dodge
was as nice gal as you'd see twixt here
and yohder any more than she wasn't jest
like Nancy Cummns. Ephralm Mussey
had used TO 60 and see her he was clever
Teller, but he was dreadful jeIus. Well,
went to meettn' with Patience and set RICH,
aiore Nancy; didn't set my eyes on her
ill after meelin'; she had bIazen red head
and legs like pair Of compasses she had
face as long as .hanksgiven' dinner.
knowed who she was thinkin' about, and
'twanl the chap with the red head, nulher.
Well, got to boin' Patience abou. spell
Kept my eve on Nance, seed how the cat
was iumpn' she didn't cut about like she
did, and Iook'd rather solemnIy; she'd gin
her tew eyes to kiss and make up. KEEP,
i, up till like to have go. in muss about
Patience. The crlter lhol was goin' after
her for good, and got as proud as tame
turkey.
One day Ephe cum down to our place ,
lookin' as wra.hy as militia officer on a
lrainin' day.
Look here says he, Seth Stokes,' as loud
as small clap of thunder, 'I'l be daIned
'Hallo' says !, whats broke?'
why says he, j came down to have sat-
isfaclion about Patience Dodge. Here I've