The New era. [volume] ([Portsmouth, Va.]) 1845-1847, 1847-01-07
Fromtho Yankee Blade. !
MIR. AND MRS, BA1TLE-oR MOUSE

couple in the town of N, who. far abon,
twelve month had dwell as Zone flesh " in law
matrimonial. apl whose union thus far, if a shade
less bssful Than that of turtle doves had afforded
an example of cnnjngal felicity as edifyng. tn saw
the lras, as the generality Of matches. II han
pened one winter evening that. having exhausted
all their usual 'heme Of chit chat, they had been
sltting IN Silepce for some ten minutes Too ether
inXuTalng IN {" The accommodating Iru teness of
fishes" when suddenly with piercing shrek
Mrs. b. sprang from her chair, and jumped u,,on
the side liable. crying out a, the top Of her LUNGS
Lord Of mercy! oh that hor,id being, xii
him. Mr.. Battle, Kill him ,"
The husband, quick as thought seized Tho
poker. and, though half frightened out nf HI,
senses. raised it 6anly over his head, and placed
himself bolt upright in attitude Of defence
f. s"me moments he stood speeches., with min.
g,ed wonder and awe; then, casting glance a,
his wife, who s,ood leaning against the wall. pale
shivering, and half frantic with terror, he a,
length recovered his wits and the use Of his tongue
sn Tar as 10 ask, in voice snmew hat faint and
husky
Who--w here--what is he 2'' r,
There there! Husband. don't you see a
there! II isn't no man--it's a horrible ereot
mouse. Oh dear. | shaii faint away, certain
There lie comes again, this way. Meroiful hea
vens! Oh! OH"
Mr.. B. breahed little more freely. after this
last piece of information. for. To say The truth, he
was by no means Hercules in strength or STA.
tnre (being only fnur feet eleven in his buois, and
weighing hut just one hundred and live pounds
even after dinner,) and he supposed il was
snme house robber or cnt-thrOat who had hidden
himself in the room, that had caused his wifes
right his knees had begun To knock together
little, a Ia Belshazzar. notwithstanding his great
show ul bravery. But now. regaining with mar
vellons qnickness The use of all his limbs and
faculties, he advanced boldly in the direction in.
dictated by Mrs. BIS finger. and with courage
and presence of mind, worthy of an Alexander
succeeded, by the aid of the poker, in stretch
ing most ferociuus looking rat lifeless ON tho
floor.
Alter few moments, peace and order were
again restored, and Mrs. B having succeeded.
ny an astonishing degree of self control in quiet.
i'g her nerves, was again seated at the work
table, husily plying ler needle, when a loud link.
ling of the door hell was followed by the an.
nouncement Of Mr.. Pry. Pry had popped in as
he said, " To see how they all did. and have
little social chat" hut. as it turned out, (unfor.
una'ey for the peace of our excellent couple he
was just in season to hear from Mrs Battles lips
relation Of what she called her &c friphtful adj
venture with the mouse'
&" No, my dear" interrupted Mr. b., .'a rat"
" Excuse me, my love. but twas a muuse"
" But do assure you. madam. il was rat
" beg your pardon, sir; Notwithstanding you
assure me, am quite sure it was monse''
g Don't tell me. Mrs. Battle do you think Pm
a fool, not 10 know a rat from mouse, and in my
own house loo 20
" Keep co"l, Mr. Battle don't get huify Just
because spoke word. Some how or other,
lately. can never open my lips before you bu,
you must fly into pet. And then you must be
notwithstanding me always about your house
as if you were lord Of every thing here. and
were only your humble servant ! declare. Bat.
lie. You are as cross bear and as unreasonable
as you live.''
Mrs Battle, .you are enough to provoke
saint. Three times have you contradcted me,
and"
All because said mouse wasn't rat A
mouse AMI rat, and you know it, Battle"
Mrs. Battle, there's no standing this-NO!
nor | won't stand it any longer I will havea
divorce if there's one to be had in the country
won't live with such iermagant No, won't,
Mrs. Battle, and that's the long and the short Of
it,"
Here Mrs. Battle fell back in her chair, and
hurst into flood of tears PRIV, finding matters
getting little too hot. crept slowly out of the
room, and run for home as if from hornets nest
MI Battle paced the room hurriedly TO and fro,
Tor The space OF 1--WE minutes or more, with blanch-
ed check and lip quivering with rage, and finally
seated himself by window, and, with an air of
unaffected concern, began To whistle Yankee Doc.
die. lie had been seated, but three or four min
utes, when his wife, suddenly rising up, came
across the room, threw her arms affeciionateIy
about his neck, and buried her head in his bosom.
" My dear husband"
" My dear wife,
al have offended-deepIy offended you. Can
you forgive p
Yes, sweet, a thousand times''
How foolish was dispute with you, dear
one, about such trfe"
Yes, it was Uery foolish in both Of u.s. But
never mind; thank Heaven, " eve come TO uur
| senses again. Kiss me, darIing-alPs made up
Amt We happy now %
Yes. my love. Clouds will come sometimes,
but thank Providence they all gone now We
couldn't have expected sunshine always. Oh
won't we have the precious times together here
alter. loving each other tenderly2 There-t
does seem 10 me as if were at this moment, per.
fectly. perfectly happy"
Blessed, blessed wife, kiss me again. darling
ihere-we've had the last of our quarelS-
havn't we, my own, my ange! one 2''
Yes, dearest. And if we were going to quar-.
rel agaln-which never can bet would be abOni
| something Of more mportance-wouldn'i il love!
The more think Of il, the more foOlish it ap
pears .quarrelling about so trhing a thing as
rn0use'
You forget. my dear rat, my mean"
No, my dear, mean monse."
/" How can you, Mrs. Battle. say mouse,
when I've told you over and over again, twas
rat2 Dye think I've no eyes 2"
" s2y what ] mean, MIR Battle, and mean
jost what sly. To say that was rat, is the
must absurd thing ever heard. A rat, indeed "
Z" Absurd or MOI. Mrs. Battle, tell 700, you
arc simPleton. You don't know beans from
broonsick ~
" Then IFS because I've lived so long with you,
Battle. d"n't believe you ever saw rat Every
body knows they have long round tails. like file
But I'm an abused woman, and won't pOl up
with such treatment any longer. I'l 20 home 10
my fathers Wen see then. how some folks