Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1847-11-03
ITEMS.

spirits equalled only by lhelT beauty, ana VINO
love an innocent prank with intimate friends, have
really seen the elephant the modus operandl Of
which Will not be forgotten ny them. Just
at twilight they called at the Ocean House 10 see a
gentleman and his wife, and as usual proceeded to
their private parlor Upon entering they saw Z
gentleman with bis back to the door, and presu
ming it their friend they silently approached
and one capped her hands over his eyes, the other
seizing his hands The gentleman struggled man
fully but taken bysurprse, for some time his efforts
TO free himsefwere lruitless Atlength, after Sc
we're tusse, his tormentors laughed right mernty
the while he shook his captors Oft and confronted
them. The laughter instantly ceased ana gave way
TO solemn looks and deep bushes The liked fact
stared them in the face; that instead OF their friend
they had been playing their pranks upon total
stranger: none other than Judicial dgnitary, his
honor Judge Ward. 1t is unnecessary to say that
with hurried apology, they beat d sudden and spec
DIV retreat rcso, ed hcncetorth to be sure they are
right before they 60 ahead = Nan MIR
A gentleman was accostcd by poor loa!er who
asked for charity. / will remember you next
time replied the gentleman. please your honor
said the loaer,' j don't credit l deal on the cash
principle
The Earl of Chatham once asked Iienniker the
definition Of wit wit my lord, said he, is what
pension for your humble servant would be-a
good thing well applied.
THE GOOD WIFE AT SANDY RIvER-The char
acteristcs of portion Of the population OF Virginia
are illustrated by an anecdote told by Methodist
circuit preacher, who not long since caedat house
nearthe head waters OF Sandy river to stay all night.
Every body knows the character OF the citizens of
this region country, and that it has been and for
years to come will continue to be, on account of its
mountain Businesses, the home OF the most ignorant
and debased population Oar paTsOn, a man of
great simplicity Of character, on entering found four
men seated on the floor paying cards. These men
seemed scarcely to notice bis arrival and he passed
to where the wife of the proprietor was who very
soon engaged him in conversation Among other
questions she asked
"What might be your business in these parts,
stranger q
Il am hunting for the lost sheep of the house of
Israel replied the parson.
sold man old mani cried the woman to her
husband cold man, say II bet any thing that old
ram that was here tother day belongs to this here
man
The minister was forced to explain; whereupon
gazing upon him with air OF curiosity and aston
ishment she rose TO her feet and exclaimed
"A preacher! Well ye'rr the first crtter of that
sort ever in these parts alore but may be you'd
like dram stranger
mo, madam, never drink
'Never drink Why rallly!'
The men during the dialogue continued their
game at cards; but as ifstruck with the impropri-
ETY. of such conduct before a minister of the gospel
"a species which she had heard of but not seem the
woman addressed the card players with an air OF
one accustomed to command.
"Look here men amt yos a nice set to let a
preacher come here and catch you playing cards!
Move every one of you, or I'll break this pine
knot over your heads
1t is hardly necessary to add that the room was
speedily cleared.
The above as related is literally true and sam
pie of the character OF the settlers OF Sandy river
An Ohio editor thus laments his unfortunate
luck:
I never loved charming critter,
But some one else was sure to git her.
That long Hnc-The last bit of poetry we have
seen, is frrm a languishing swain to his divinity
o lady hear thy lover sigh,
No truer hear: there is than mine,
read compliance in your eye
Then why not say at once, I've kept you wait |
ing long time and if you'll have patience till can
get a wedding dress made Ill be thine.
SAUCE ron TIE FowL.-At one of the public |
dinner parties lately gentleman was observed to |
take one OF the fowls from the table and pop it into
his pocket. The person who saw him do this, i'm
mediately took turreen OF sauce, and going behind
him. empticd It's contents into the same pocket |
" Hallor cried the fowl iancier, "what are YOU |
might like a little sauce with the lowr
THE BEST coupANIoN-An old writer SAYS the |
most agreeable OF all companions is simple frank
man, without any high pretenslons 10 an oppressive
greatness; one who loves lie and understands the
of it, oblIgng alike at all hours above all of
a golden temper and steadtast anchor. For
such an gladly exchange the greatest genius |
the most brilliant wit the proloundest thinker.
Three boys went out fishing one day when
thunder storm coming up they ran to a large hem
lock tree, few rods from the brook for shelter.
Just before they reached the tree, it shiyered
into a thousand pieces by stroke of lightning.
The boys stopped aghast! NJ last OF the terri
fed urchins SAID to the nearest.
"Sam, can you pray No
"Bll, cant youi NO.
Nor l. either! bat, by hockey, some thing must
be done"
At one Of the fashionable watering places, recent
" happened a selfinportaut foreigner, who, upon
hearing the dinner bell ring at hall past three clock
eXclaimed-"st possible dine at this early hour in
this country! Why, | ha,enot been used to having
dinner till seven or eight IN London Our second
table lolAs dine very late here also, was the reply
OF a Yankee present
THE SMALLEST HORSE VET.-A mere pIgmv
horse, weighing only torytiye pounds the smallest
one that ever lived, has been sent to Gen. Tom
Thumb as a present from Java.--lt is great Won
der, and the little General will doubtless find him
valuable acquisition to his personal convenience.
AvARcE--A commander at Malta very avari-
cous had two pages, who once complained that
they had no SHIRTS. He called his major domo-
Tell the vie OF my farmer TO SOW some hemp
when it is grown let her spin il, and make shirts
for these little daudes' The pages laughed All!
YOU young rascals, If YOU are so happy 10 laugh
you may Just as we'll be without shirts! " and he
countcrmanded his orders
TRANsNIrrGNG 1NTELLIGENcE.-An innocent
old lady, whose du,l son made very dlscouraslng
progress in his studies wondered very much upon
reading an account OF the rapid transmission OF in
telhsence 10y the telegraph, why they didn't have
branch 10 the school house!
QUEsrIoN-lf a tailor be but the ninth part of
man what part OF a man Is the dandy " no is made
by the tailor.
III you ever marry" said my uncle let it be a
woman who has Judgment enough TO supeuntend
the work OF her house; taste enough to dress her
sell; pride enough TO wash herself before breakfast,
and sense enough to hold her tongue when She has
nothing 10 say.