Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1847-02-04
ADVENTURES or a HasnFUL
LOVER.



A correspondent Of the New York Spirit or
the Tirnes--a paper full Of fun and humor--
relates the following account Of the adventures
ola bashful lover
His name was DAEPnULE-we used 10 call
him Jackass for short. Heaven help me if
he should ever see This story. hope he don'g
take fhe "Splrit" Among his many misfor-
tunes--for be was eockeyed, red haired and
knock knced he numbered that announcement
one OK bashfnDsss--aege he was fond
ofthe ladies, although. when 10 their presence
he never opened his mouth ii he could help II
and when he did speak he used both hands 10
help him taik--in fact he was young man Of
great actions"
JACK one warm day fell 10 love: he had just
graduated at college. and began to think he
must seek the ladies socleiy--he was getting
10 be man. and il looked manly to have
"penchant" So JACK fell il love win the
sweetest yeliest. most charming girl in the
square, iut how 10 tell his loye--there was
the rub. He had heard a good deal Of the
"language Of the eyes," and accordingly that,
but whenever he looked particularly hard al
the window where Miss ENEMA was in the ha-
Bit Of sitting, some person on the opposite side
of the street would invariably bow TO him,
thinking he was endeayorlng TO catch their eve.
He has despised expressive eyes ever since.
AT length JACK obtained an introduction
from his sister, and with her he called several
times, but she was obliged 10 leave the city for
season and as each interview had onlv in
creased his ardor, he finally determined upon
going il alone" Long before the hour fixed
upon by custom for an evening visit, he found
himself arrayed in his best blue coat. metal
buttons, black cassmer pants--said pants be-
ing "leetlc" tighter than the skin and
spotless vest. The journals Of the day state
as an item Of Information that the lhermnrne-
ter ranged seVeniy-fye 10 eighty degrees
JACK swears that 1t was an hundred. As the
hour grew gradually near, he found his cour-
age and perspiratlon ooZlng out together, and
he almost determined TO pull off and stay al,
home. He concluded. however, TO walk past
the house and see how he felt. By the time
he reached the mansion he firmly concluded
not TO 60 IN, but on casting an eye towards the
parlor window. and perceiying no sigps Of
life there, he thought II probable that no one
was at home, and as hc has proceeded SO far,
he'd proceed farther anG------leave his card.
No sooner determined than concluded In a
reckless moment lie pulled the bell-ihe darn
ed thing need not make such cussed noise.
The door was opened as il by magic. and the
servant girl politely asked him TO walk in
Miss EMMA was all alone in the paror, and
would be delighted to see him"
o Lord! here Was a fix Go into a parlor
with pretty girl all aionel Ii was too late
10 retreat, the gul had closed the front door,
md was pointing the way into the parlor
where Miss EMMA was sitting ali alone Be.
ing perfectly convinced that no choice was
left 10 him, into the parlor he walked or rather
sided
All was perfect chaos TO his eyes for mo
ment; and then from the deepest gloom came
forth an angel voice bidding him welcome
and draw near" To obey was but the work OF
moment as he .upposed-but he little dream
ed Of the obstacle fate had thrown in his way
lie knew full well the stream of love had ma
ny npples, but full giown snags entered no,
into his calculation. Judge, therefore, of his
astonishment al being tripped up almost al the
fair ones feet by a fiat stool with pethoric
legs, which chance or careless servant had
placed exactly on ms road 10 happiness. Over
he went--and as the tailor had not allowed for
any extra extension of muscles and sinews
he not only procured tumble bu: also q
"compouad fracture'' OF the black pants afofe.
SAID, said fracture extending all across that
point which comes III closest contact with q
chair.
Having picked himself up as carefully as
circumstances would admit, the smothered
laugh OF Miss EMMA, mot setting him for
ward any, he at last succeeded in reaching a
chair and drawing his coat tails forward 10
prevent a disagreeable expose, sat himself
down with as much grace as a bear would be
expected TO exhibit when asked to dance on
nettles. The young lady, who was almost
suffocated with laughter, at the sad mishap o!
the bashful lover, felt truly sorry for him, and
used all her powers of fascination 10 drive it
from his mind, and eventually succeeded so
far as TO induce him TO make a remark And
hn oNIt for al hat ebo
discovered that she had lost her handkerchief
What had become of it, She was sure she
had il when he came in Ii must certainly
be somewhere about! Haven't you 60, it IN
der you, Mr.. DAHPHuLE2 JACK was sure
that couldn't be so, but poor JACK, in endea-
vorlng TO answer, could not possibly get along
without raising his hands, and of course he
must drop the coat tail In his anxiety 10 re-
cover the missing "viper," he evea ventured
10 incline his body SO as 10 get glance at the
floor. As he did 50 the fracture opened, and
behold there lay as the lady supposed, her
property. 1t was the work Of an instant to
seize the corner and e1cam. Here il is, sir.
you needn't trouble yourself, raise little il is
under your" At the same time giving it
long pull. Alas, the TAIL was told-no es
cape--noihlng short Of a special ln,erposition
OF providence could save his shr,. Blu. what
could he do Another, aud another, a strong
pull, evineins on the part Of the lady praise
worthy determination to obtain the lost dry
goods. coupled with the request 10 ''get up slr
you're sitting on it," determined him, and
IN the agony Of the moment. grabbing with
both hands fast disappearing strip of linen
which enclrcled his neck, he exclaimed in
heartbroken accent, "tor Gods sake, Miss
EMMA, leGce my SHIFT COLLAR"
A
distinguished member of Congress from Penn
kylYanIa has rarentlu mid n ,Si, y, I ,,,..ol