Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1847-07-22

extravagance--and there was Miss II, with
her pelisse--its astonishing what a want Of
taste some folks exhibit"
swell, If you've forgotten the sermon, you
have not the audience; but which preacher
do you prefer, this one or Mr.. A p
ooh. Mr. A., he's so handsome and so
GRACEFUL what an eye and what set Of teeth
he has," -
The Retort Surgical.
At a late examination Of the college Of sur,
geons, candidate was asked by Abernethy.
what he would do il man was blown up
with gunpowder}
Why, cooly answered the tyro, wait till he
came down again.
True, said Abernethy and suppose ! had
kicked You for such an impairment reply,
wha, muscles would have put in motion?
Why, replied the younger man, the fiexers
and exiensors my arms, for should have
noored you directly
A very good lady in Boston, had in her
employment young man from the country.
On certain occasions he was instructed to in
io,m any company which might ring at the
door, that Mrs. -, was not at home. -
One day John made this reply 10 an intimate
friend Of the lady, who shortly went away
leaving card and promise 10 call again.
As the card was handed to Mrs. ---, she
said
John, what did you say TO the lady 2
Il told her you were not at home =
well. John. hope you did not augn.'
'Oh no, ma 'am,' said John, i never laugh
when tell a lie'
How TO MAKE A HORSE GRow.-'ThatS
a formation tall horse said Laidlow.
.Yes. lguess you can't account for IT. re-
piled Jonathan.
No how said Iaidlow.
.He belongs 10 Hummins, the livery man.
replied Jonathan, and his jallnesS comes
through his having been regularly higher'd
(hired) every day for the last seven years
A gentleman passing through river which
he supposed deep. bid his servant go before
him; but he, to show his polieneSs, replied,
4 never will be guilty Of such i'll manners
pray, sir, do you cross over first
"Our first knowledge Of matter is derived
from our touch Very true; for if we touch
a red hot iron, we soon discover what the mat
ter IS.
A rather IaughabIe affair occurred a few
weeks ago. IN one Of our principal Hotels,
showing the peculiar regard which some men
have to rank or title in office. Several mem
bers of the House Of Representatives were
seated at the dining table. (teelIng rather dig
n6ed we supposed when one of them said,
'Will the gentleman from Andover please pass
;hebutterthis way Pr city soon anotherspoke,
win the gentlemen from Worcesterplease pass
the salt this way when one of our city
ways takings the hint turned round to the
black tcater and says distinctly, win the
gentleman from Africa please pass the bread
this way
Tom presented his bill to his neighbor Joe
tor service rendered. The latter looked il o.
YER and expressed much surprise at the a
mount why, Tom, it strikes me that you
have made out pretty round bill here, eh!'
q am sensible it is pretty round one. quoth
Fom--'and atm come for the purpose OF get
ting itsTAned.' -
We saw a newspaper boy carefully shun-
ming every female who CHANGED TO come in
his way as he was selling his papers along
Market street, Yesterday morning. One OF his
fellows asked him what heidi it for. why
said the ltneraut vender of news. 'Dldn't
YOU read IN the papers that cotton had been
discovered to be erpiosire | daten't go be-
hind a woman with hustle on
Represent me in my portrait said a gen
hand and reading aloud. Paint my servant
also, in a corner, where he cannot be seen,
hut in such manner that he may hear me
when call him.
Fashionable female education is said to be,
teaching Young lady to taik French, ,cab
Spanish. fd6it gracefully, and dance the Polka.
A soldier boosted to Julius Caesar of the
many wounGs he had received IN the lace
Cesar, knowing him TO be a coward, respond
ed 'The next time you run away you had
better take care how you look behind
80, molher!' said very liule child, 'Mr.
s. does love aunt Lucy; he sits by her--he
whispers to her--and he hugs her. why,
Edward. your aunt does not suffer that, does
she 2 Suffer It, yes, mother, she loves IT.
The following is taken from sign placed
over the door of a house of entertainment, on
the turnpike between Providence and New
London.
Within this hive-we're all alive,
Good liquor makes us funny
If you are dry, step in and Try
The sweetness Of our honey
Some body very wickedly says that two
DNuNllNg young idultS guA Cdusht Nub W IL
heavy shower very recently, and when they
had got home the rain had washed the color
out Of their cheeks.
Mother, what is hush A hush} don't
know--what makes yo1 ask that question p
Cause the other day asked Jane what made
her back stick out so, and she said hash
May ! B Of the lovers of L as the Miss
of 6 teen said 2 a 10 der A leg Of mutton 4
she 8 piece oft
The following is given as a freman's toast /:
''The Ladies--Ihe only iacindiayies who kin
die flame which srater will not extnguish."
Two boys fought out quarrel one day,
and the bigger proved the best man. Darn
ye,' said No. 2, when he found he was used
up, if can't lick ye, I'll make mouths al
your sister,