Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1845-1854, 1847-02-10
Mr.. and Mrs. Battle,
OR MOUSE VS., RAT.

1Sffts 4.. OR MOUSE VS.. RAT.
Mr.. and Mrs. Battle were fond and
dloying. couple in the town Of N, who
j 'for about a twelyemonththad dwelt as sone
4lesh,' in the law matrimonial, and whose
union thus far, if shade less blissful than
that Of turtle doyes, had afforded an exam
pie ofconjugal felicity as edifying, to say
the least, as the generality of matches. 1t
happened one winter evening that. having
exhausted all their usual themes of chit
chat, they had been sitting in silence for
some ten minutes together, luxuriating in
''the accommodating muteness of fishes"
when suddenly with a apiercing shrek, Mrs.
fB. sprang from her chair, and jumped upon
the side table, crying out at the top Of her
lungs, "Lord Of mercy! oh that horrid
being !-Klt him, Mr.. Battle, kill him" .
| The husband, quick as thought, seized
the poker, and, though half frightened out
of his senses, raised it firmly over his head
and placed himself bolt upright in an atti-
tude of defence. For some moments ne
stood speeches., with mingled wonder and
! awe; then casting glance at his wife, who
stood leaning against the wall, pale, shiv-
ering, and half frantic with terror, he at
length recovered his wits and the use Of
his tongue so far as to ask,in voice some
what faint and husky
wv ho-where--wha is he!'
sThere! there! Husband, don't you seel
there! 1t isn't man LISA horrible great
mouse! Oh dear; | shall faint away, GER
3 tain! There he comes again, this way
! Merciful heavens!-Oh! Oh!
i Mr.. B. breathed little more freely, Of
u ter this last piece Of information, for, to sa.
y the truth, he was by no means a Hercule
in strength or stature (being only four fee
), eleven in his boots, and weighing but JUS
q one hundred and five pounds, even atte
/ dnner,) and as he supposed it was som'
9 householder, or cut-throat who had hiddel
O. himself in the room, that had caused hi
wifs,s fright, hisknees had begun to knocl
together little a la Belshazzar, notwith
), standing his great show Of bravery. Blu
tnow regaining his marvellous qaicknes
thesuse ofhis limbs and faculties, he ad
= vanced boldly in the direction indicated b,
J, MRS BIS. finger, and presence of min'
Y worthy of an Alexander succeeded, by tn
q aid Of the poker, in stretching q most fero
. lcions looking young rat liteless on tn
2 floor. -'a
e After few moments, peace was agai
RESTORED, and Mrs. B, having succeeded b
9 an astonishing degree Of self control, il
!, quieting her nerves, was again seated q
6 her work table, busily plying her needle
4 when loud tinkling of. the door.bell fol
LtIlowed the announcement Of Mr.. Pry. Pr
?. had popped in as he said "to see how the
2 all did and have little social chat" bu
4, as it turned ont unfortunately for the peac
Y -four excellent couple, )he was Just in SEE
q son to hear from Mrs Battles lips a rels
D |tion of what she called her 'frightful adyer
Y ture with the mousse
n sNo,mydear,' interrupted Mr.. B. "a rat
Ie Excuse me, my love, but it was
tts w mouse -'a
;s1. "a But i do assure you, ,madam,it was rat
81 Don't tell me, Mrs. Battlejs do yo
M think I'm d fool, not to know a rat from
qsl mouse, andin my own house too?' I'D
ls keep cool, Mr.. Battle, don't get huff
because Ehappensa 70 speak word Som
! iloW on bther, lately, / can never open ~
lifs bafore you, bat youl must fly into
81 e i1dthen you must be twit---twit-
\ fwitin me always about your house, as
you were lord of everything here, and
ass aas were only your humble servant. decla
Battle, yorare cross as bear, and as II
M reasonable as you can live
~ MRS Battle, you are enough to provol
II 4. as saint. Three times have you contradi
- ed me, and. rf. .5H asa
~ ~ .All because said mouse wasn't
- - rat. A mouse amt rat, and you kne
H. Lit, Battle al
~ = 'Mrs. Battle there's no standing this
- - No! nor won't stand it any longer.
=. !. will have divorce if there's one to be h
~ u in the country. | won't live with such
- termagant. No, I,won't, Mrs. Battle, a
H. that's the long and the short ofir.' ),
" Here Mrs. Battle fell back, into. }
lop chair and burst into deep foodsof tea
|ms ||,a3 Pry finding matters getting d little
W. ~ hot, crept silly out. Of the room, Q
". ran for home as if from arhornet's ne
Y Z Mr.. Battle paced the room hurriedly
IL IL and fro, for the space of five minutes
,ar a more, with blanched cheek, and lips gu
Nj, III ering with rage, and finally seated 'himii
H. H. by a window, and with an air of .attec
Y unconcern, began 10 whistle Yankee d
L. die He had been seated but three ort
H. H. minutes, when his wife, suddenly rising
~ threw her. arms afectionately about.
meek, and buried her head in his bosom
Eedl My dear husband .ss 4 ss "A s, gs,t,
L Ia my dear wife. IN. II.
sAf. 4 have offended deeply offended YOU
both Can YOU forgive mep Is
Yes, sweet; thousand tinnest'