Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1847-06-24
Glmorolls Selections.
THE MAN IN DEBT;
OR, BOB OWENS BEFORE THE RECORD

right hand, and, as if struck with sud-
den thought, called out " Bob Queens 20
Instantly tall bony man, in thread
bare suit of rusty black, arose, and rest
ing the edge of a sharp chin on what
had once been a green velvet stock, he
thrust both hands in his breeches pocket,
and answered "present."
"Owens, you were taken up last night
for rowing about the Streets
emo, sir" said Owens, "you're mis-
taken; / was not rowing but raving
about the Streets"
Have yon any home--any place of
residencel"
eyes, sir, | have a home in town
and residence in the country; but a
friend Of mine hires out my country
house in the summer, and make it a
point never to live in my house in town
in the winter"
"Well, do you reside in any place in
particular :"
No, sir, reside every where in gen.
eral, and that is the reason why | was
trying to locate myself for the night
when was found raving about the
streets by an amiable gentleman, with a
very bad cold and a short club"
"What do you mean by raving?"
Grave, sir, means mad-raven means
a dove-like bird Of a negro color, that is
always particularly hungry and raving,
when applied TO humanity, means a man
with strong appetite, no money in his
pocket, and paradise of restaurant
glowing with angelic pieces of cold bak-
ed pork and seraphic surloins of roast
beef, directly under his nose"
Explain yourself; surely man who
speaks as well as you do cannot be in
want of food"
You're right, sir; am not in want
of food, on the contrary, food is in want
of me. Yes, sir, repeat it, there arc
thousands of furnishing grave worms
that are in eager expectation of enjoying
a banquet at my decease but, sir,
they'll be disappointed, for Pve eaten
nothing but picked onions and dusty
crackers for week past. appeal to
you, your Honor, if picked onions and
dusty crackers are calculated as gen.
eral diet to fill a mans muscles or his
ribs with fat?
"You talk very strangely and yet ra-
tionally tell me how it was you be-
came so poor?"
"Your Honor, | commenced business
in life with a great many large weights
on small scale, and the consequence
was, the beam of prosperity went up,
and that of misfortune came down. |
graduated as an M. d. when | hadn't
even so much as a homeopathic dose of
knowledge in my whole brain. never
had but one patient, and she was wild
ow, of a very dropsical habit. tapped
and tapped her, but the more tapped
her the more she swelled, until one day
her watery spirit burst its heshy prison,
and for ought l know, plunged into an
ocean of bliss. Finding that had no
luck as dropsy doctor, | dropped that
part of the profession, and took TO
pulling teeth. That sir, was glorious
for awhile, and I'll venture that none of
my patients, even at this time, know
whose teeth they have got in their
mouths. But, sir, "a change came over
the spirit of my DREAM and when min
eral teeth were invented, with a holy
horror babe dental operations and OPP
rators avaunt, for | had been brought
up in the vegetable school of medicine,
and the Thomsonian system we all know
is opposed to minerals
GA very praiscworthy conclusion
but what fruit did your prolific genius
bear after you had dropped dentistry :"
"Sir, TO tell the truth, went no far
ther in the sciences, but devoted my en-
tire attention to the art of borrowing"
"The art of borrowing - what is
that %
II is that delicate tact gained only
by experience and observation, by which
men who fail in getting along easily in
the world manage to live off their Gel-
lows. There are some men who ask
you for the loan Of V with such
charming grace that it is impossible for
you to refuse them; but, sir, common
ced gradually"
How was that, Mr.. Owens J"
81, sir, commenced on the fifty cent
principle, and since then, to my shame
be it said, have descended to that mi
mute coin, five cent piece. Well, sir,
to make long story short, which take
it, means 10 change the subject, | soon
had hornets nest about my ears.
forgot mems names, and only knew
them by the amount owed them. For
misunderstood, fat men and half dol
lars were always synonymous in my
mind, and there are but two tall legs OF
all my acquaintance, to whom | do not
owe five cent two dimes. The bar
keepers got TO know me, and whenever
| asked for liquor, they would always
hold the dccanter by the neck, as if they
were going to strange it, until | had
pulled out my money. | went down in
haste at the " dime houses" my bony
elbows looked through the sleeves of my
last coat, and | was forced to patronize
the picayune grosgeries on the Levee.
AT all political meetings was in my
Ol0rV and Co. ,;..a go. .o 81.