Staunton spectator, and general advertiser. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 183?-1849, 1847-09-08
FROM THE SPIRIT or THE TINES.
THE TENNESSEE ouIRE
OF THE OLDEN TIMES.

mere nourlshed Tor many years in certain vllag
In the good State of tennessee an eccentric ol
fellow who rejOiced in the name OF Peter lizard an
Tor eleven years he filled the important office, know
In various parts of the Union AS Magistrate Alder
man, or Justice of the Peace. Whether So restric,
Gu oy law. or whether 1t was owing to the it'll
business done and credit given i'm his neighborhood
we know not; but il is a fixed fact that there wa
never case before him of greater value than s Il
ana mat case is now presented To the public Du
ring the long term Of his official career Squire IL
ard was equally celebrated for infexible integrity
and his singular manners. Yet. strange to say. h
held Office only by the SD called tickle auro popuii
Tor 1t was an elective office. But he kept all tn
liquor and was the only man " no could write in IN
town. In those halcyon days newspapers and com
mon schools were unknown. His honesty was ais,
proVerbIal! millions could not have TEMPTED him I,
nave wronged his btterest enemy of dime. or I,
nave decided a case with common politeness And
on the WHOLE he was popular. for so that the decis
ION was just and upright, what matlered the nm
couth phrase in which it was couched? The shell
was rough and bitter, but the kernel was sweet
we Will now give an example of Squire Izard's
mode OF proceeding.
gentleman by the namo of McMurran. of tb;s
place, wasriding through c.. where the horse
cast shoe For replacing it, the blacksmith. whose
name was EnOs Blldo, charged the cool sum of an
eagle or rather two sOvereiyns. Naturally indiu
ah, our traveller refused to pay such an exorbitant
demand, and while he was cooling his bile and his
stomach at the General Jackson"-the tavern mn.
ercciicnce) of the town. he was arrested AT the sut
OF the son of Vulcan. There being no other re-
source, Mr.. Nj. was conducted 70 the mauisra,e's
office. back of the bar.
IL should have been mentioned that Squire H.
ard not only filled the office of Justice. but he was
the tavern keeper besides. The sgn that swunu
before ms door, displayed blue ground figure
supposed To resemble a human being A very iarre
red face was depicted. surrounded bya white boIo
and surmonnted by chapeau, with three waving
Pumes. L" this was appended blue coated BODY.
WIN very dlminutve legs attredin large lack boots
and intensely yellow pantaloons One hand flourish
ed sword, the other rested on a cannon spont,
neously belching forth very red flame. very blue
smoke. and ball like black wafer, plainly yisi
bic The artist had commenced at the head and
being cramped for room ere he finished like another
frocrustes, he accommodated the picture To suit cir
cuulStances This work of art was surpassed 10
bear striking resemblance to the hero of New Or
leans. The other side bore the legend "Enter,ain-
ment Tor Man and Beast, by p. lard" But to
proceed.
After being introduced into the aupust presence of
the Squire and the charge stated, tho following da
logue occurred
''Well, sir, what is your name 2"
"McMurran, sir"
''Humph, Mr.. Murran no other name y,
John McMurran, sir"
NO Mr.. Curren--no alias 2"
COZ course, | have not, sir-I've no need Of
any"
''Where do you live, Mr. Carron 2"
"My name amt Carrion-I told YOU il il Nc
Murran."
'Wei, Mr.. Murton, did you make any BARGAIN
for shoeing your horse %
'No SIR
"Theu. Mr.. Burton, you acted, sir-excuse me
like fool"
Il didn't come here to be insuIted, sr-and no
man shall talk SO to me-" cried poor Mac
IL know you did not Mr. Futon-keep silence
sir. or III fine you You acted sir-don'l contradict
me-like perfect fool; and let this be a warning,
SIT, never to trust such scoumdrel as Enos Bildo
(the smth) farther than you can swing bull by
the tail You. sir, (to the plain;iff,) | mean you-
you skunk You'd steal the coppers on YOUR dead
mothers eyes you no-souIed hog. The sentence
OF this court is, that you Enos Bdo shall have two
dimes tor your work, which is all its worth, and if
you say another word I'll knock you down. Clare
this court"
Fully satisfied with the verdict and highly q
unused with his adventure, Mac went on his way
rejoicing.
This conioundlng of names was favorite hobby
OF the 'Squlre's and he was quite an adept i'm the
art On one occasion when he was summoned as
a witness before State Court, one of the LAWYERS
undertook to pay him off in his own coin. When
the Squire took the witness stand. the following
dialogue occurred
''What is your name, sir %
s'Peer lizard"
''llow old are you, Mr. Lizard %
''My name is lzard-Peter Lord"
81 beg your pardon, Mr.. Gizzard-but am
little hard of hearing this morning."
''izard, sr--izard"
''Ah. understand Well, Mr. Buzzard. how
old are YOU 2"
''Now look here, Mister, that's not my name
and won't answer"
''You won't answer my questions. Mr.. Trzzle .
We see about that Now, sir, what's your age
Mr.. Drizzlel"
The witness maintained logged silence.
perhaps he had better spell his name for YOU
brother -" said the Court, choakino with
laughter.
eye" cried the wtness-"zed ay-ar-dee!'
'Well, your honor, | called that name all along
-Weazeli" '''''7
"Any fool might know it spells lzard!'' shouted
Peter
MAY it please the Court" interposed the At
torney, throwing himself up with an air Of wounded
dignity, 'ether this witness, MeazIes. must be re-
moved, or shall Withdraw from the bar"
ITO to -, you rascal" beloved the infuriated
Peter
''SheriH take charge Of the witness !" cried the
Court, sitting for moment its mirth-for the only
sober faces In the assembage were those Of the law
yer and the witness.
"lon be =" bawled ont the Squire, ''you and
the Court, too! you loud-lived vagabonds!"
mlttlmus TO the Jail for three days and t25
fine" cried the Court.
Here the Sheriff came up to Peter to carry him
off,
Whats my name, Tom 2" called the Squire,
as he was led out.
Peter lzard ~ was the prompt response.
You're trump, by the holy poker Come,
let's liquor
The following day, the Squire was pardoned