Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1847-05-27
H u M O r GU S
DICK TROT'S YANKEE CLOCK.

l.
kee pedlar, named Tom Jones, whoused
to travel through this country drap-
PIN one at almost every house. 'Twas
the last one he had, and l give him
fifteen dollars for it. She was a per-
feet goer of a clocl-and then, such a
beauty! Her little, squatty, dumpy
figure, dressed out in her painted case,
just filled my eye to gnat's heel. sot
her on the mantle shelf, so as | might
alters see her. I didn't think I'd ever
get tired lookin' at her. Her little
pejolum would swing back'ards and
1orrads, pickin' off the SCENTS at pro-
per rate. Thar she'd roll it, pickin' a.
way, day arter day, and week arter
week, dead bent on keepin' up with the
sun, and determined that nary time
piece in the settlement should get ahead
of her. She'd dig at the hours, never
stoppin' to ketch breath, but jist firm
away in admirable style. I'd wind her
up of nights, and then go to bed, put
tin every confidence in her, and bein'
perfectly satisfied she'd do her duty
faithfully, although wasn't watchin'
her, and wouldn't allow the sun to be
up before she'd put her hand to the
hour OF sunrise. And then, sir, when
I'd be restless and couldn't sleep, or
when was sick, then what company
she was to me. To be sure, she couldn't
talk to me-Ust call my name-that's
all, though sometimes she'd say Dick
so extremely plain, I'd look up at her
and almost expect her to lead off re-
gular built chat. Well, sir, she contin-
ued to be good for five year, and was
my hearts delight. In fack, may say
she Tilt on for more than that: but it
was about that time she began mon
strously to exemble old Dave Wilson's
wife-you know how she was %
"Can't say do exactly"
"Why, sir, | thort you knowed-old
Dave used TO say that his wife was a
charmin' creetur-one ofthe bestof wo-
mell-that he didn't believe from old
mother Eve down to the present genera
ton, better woman ever throwed a
petticoat over her head. To be sure,
he said she had ways-(h here Dick
SMILED in imitation of old Dave, whom
Knew very well) she would have her
ways, and such ways as she did have!
Well, sir, my clock got to be the same
way-some of her works got outen fix,
and for spite, she done just as she blam-
ed pleased. Strike ? yes, stree, she did,
like dingnation! Shed take notion
to bulge off sometimes and she'd ring
in on these wires one hundred and ff
ty times. At first, was tickled at it,
and would sit and laugh at her bein,
such fool, as to be cutting up them
extrays what didn't hurt nobody but
herself But at last begun to get tired
of such foolery. 1t seemed to me when
ever had a tough job before me, and
wanted to study it out, or was right
sleepy, that then she'd pick her chance
to come those big ticks! lput up with
it long time-didn't do nothing to
her-and thot, by lettin' her have her
fun out, she might get tired of it her
self, arter awhile. But she didn't; she
still held on stongcr an ever. On last
Saturday went up above here to mus
ter, and alters does on such occasions,
took rather too much of the fetch me light
L. When got home, | thort the best
place for me was in bed-so as to sleep
off the booty. pulls off and gets in
bed; but no sooner did my head fetch
the piller, than up started the clock CHI
FIRING. determined to put stop to
any such capers that night, | got up,
loaded my old musket, took cheer, and
set down rite afore her. "Now, old
lady," ses ], 'syou're arter the spite
game agin, are ye? Jis go on if you
like it-but dar to strike hundred this
tine, and ding me if you don't ketch
it," My threats didn'tscar her a bit
she struck away, 'peared livelier AN
ever. She went so pert. She soon
got up to ninety-ninety one-two-
lree-four- fve-six-. q see you're
"a gwyne it, ses |, an cocks the old
misunderstanding puts it to my
shoulder-ch -r-ring-I takes sight
ch-r-ring--I lays my finger on the trig-
ger; ch-r-ring, ses she, stouter AN ev
er, and was startin with another chez
when lams away, and in half a Sec
kin finds myself On the floor. AS
pickt myself up heard the old lady still
goin' it; and darn me ifshe didn't strike
fifty times more, although wenty-five
buck shot had tuck effect all among her
countenance, an both her hands We're.
taken smooth off. haint wound her
up since; forwith the pluck she's got,
thar's no KNOWN what she might do,
rtef she had the chance. She's without
exception, the best game erer seed. p
4 Sn;ru of the Times.