The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1847-02-12
SCAN E,Al..

pie of Athens, were much given t
either tell or hear some new things,
lived Squire p, facetious, good
j natured sort of body, whose Joke!
are even yet matter of village re.
cord, and have been re-told in vari.
, Gus editions, from folio to duode elmo
Amt Lizzy was Deacon Snipe'.
wile's sister, maiden lady {. abou'
/ fifty-shc went to all the meetings
kept account Of every birth, death.
and marriage, with the dates-doc-
tored all the babies, and knew every
yard in the OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
all the young married women how
to make soup, and when they had
bad luck, made every child in the
house sit crOss-ieggcd until the luck
changed. In fine, she was kind OF
village factotnm-spent her time in
going from house TO house, grinding
out grist Of slandcrto each, as oc-
casion required, but always conclu-
ded with "the way of transgressors
is hard"-"poor Mrs. A. or B. as
the case was) lpity her from the bot
tom ofmy heart" or some such sooth-
ing reflection. Aunt Lizzy was al
ways very fond Of asking strangers
and others, without regard to time
or place, "the state OF their minds,
how they enjoyed their minds" etc.
These questions were generally fol-
lowed by string of scandal, which
was calculated to destroy the peace
and happiness of some Of her best
neighbors and friends but she, like
other narrators Of this kind, consid-
cred such intellectual murder as
either establishing her own fair rep
utation, or as the only mode of en-.
pertaining the village, and thereby
rendering her society agreeable.
One warm summers afternoon,
as the Squire was sitting near his
Office door, smoking his pipe, Aunt
Lizzy passing with great speed, ru-
mlnatng upon the news of the day,
when the Squire brought her to, as
the sailors say, by whats your hur-
r., Aunt Lizzy walk in" The
old lady, who never wanted a Sec
ond invitation, went into the office,
and the following dialogue was COM
menced.
well, Squire p, have been
thinking this forenoon what a useful
man you might be if you'd only leave
Oft your light conversations, as the
good book says, and become a seri-
Gus man-you might be an ornament
to both Church and State, as our
minister says"
"Why, as to that, Aunt Lizzy, a
cheerful countcnancc / consider as
the best index Of a grateful beart---
and you know what the bible saws
on that subject---'Whcn ye fast, be
not as the hyPocriteS, of sad coun-
tenance; but anoint thy head and !
rash thy face { Aunt Lizzy be-
gan to feel for her pocket handker-
chief, for she was takcr of snuff.
that thou appear MT unto men to
fast.'n
"Now, there Squire, that's Just
what l told you---see how You Lave
the Scriptur at your tongues end ::
what useful man you might be in
our church, if you'd only be a doer
as well as a nearer of the word"
Gas to that, Aunt Lizzy, | don't
see that you professors, as YOU call
them, are whit better than | am, in
private. | respect a sincere profess
sor as much as any man; but know
enough of one Of your church, whom
you think great deal Of, TO know
that she IS no letter than she ShouMI
be :"
At these inucndocs, Aunt Lizzy's
little black eyes began 20 twinkle
she sat down beside tue Squire in
order to speak in a little lower tone /
spread her handkerchief over her
lap, aud began to tap the cover Of.
GeF snuff box in true STYLE. and all 4
things being "a readiness for rcau- /
lar serge Of scandal magnatum, "
she commenced fire
Snow, Squire, | want to know
what youmean by one orour church? !
i know who You meon-trollon-
! didn't like so many curls about her
head, when she told her experience
The Squire, finding curiosity was
putting his boots on, had no occa- |
sion to add spurs to the heels, for
the old lady had one in hcrhead that
was worth both of them. Accord |
ingly, he had no peace until he con-
scented to explain what he meant by
the expression "in private"- this |
was dear word to Aunt Lizzv.
CHOW, Aunt Lizzy, will you take
Bible oath that you will never com |
municate what | am about to tell
you to living being, and that YOU
will keep it willie you live a mos
inviolable secret p"
"Yes, Squire, I declare WON'T
never tell nobody about it as long n