The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1847-07-27
A SERMON ON DRINKING AND
THINKING.

BY Dow, JUNIOR.
have selected the following as text for
my discourse:
If man would be dry, let him drink, drink,
drink;
If man would be wise, let him think, think,
think;
If a man would be rich, let him work, work,
work;
II he would bs fat, eat pork. pork, pork,
But II
A man with sense would study, he must, eat, cot,
eat,
But little at his dinner, of his meat, meat, meat;
And youth to be distinguished in his art, art,
art,
Mus. keep the girls away from his heart, heart,
HEART.
My hearers--To keep continually dry, al
ways wear an oil cloth dress, carry good
umbrella, and practice rum drinking. The
two first articles, however, are only essential
in protecting the eutsidef rom the superabun-
dant moisture, but the latter keeps the inside
as dry as s,ove-pipe. l never saw drink
er but what was eternally dry-dry in all kinds
of weather. He goes 10 bed dry, gets up
dry, and keeps himself dry through the day.
1t 10 not to be wondered at; for how can he
be otherwise than dry, when he keeps the
blue blazes Of hell constantly burning in his
bosom, by pouring double-distiled damna-
ton down his throat In fact, my friends,
the drunkard is forever dry. The more he
drinks, the drier he grows; on his death bed
he cries for some more drink for the last"
and then goes out Of the world as thirsty as
though he had lived on Goldfish all the days
| of his life. should not wonder much if he
called for cocktail at the bar of Judgment;
and there is no doubt but he would prefer
going to Tophet TO abiding in Heaven, if
they only sold liquor there!
My Friends--If you would be wise you
must think. think 1t is matter of doubt
TO me whether fighty fools or intelligent
dogs do the most thinking. You perhaps,
think you think as much as the greatest phil
osophers, but the dence of it is, what do you
think about, and what does it amount to-
The gems Of wisdown lie deeply buried, and
they can only be obtained by great mental
tell. You must dig for them like dog for
woodchuck, Or you don't get them. The
beginning of wisdom, said my old friend
Solomon, and he knew thing or two, is
the fear Of the Lord, to which will add, in
defiance of the devil, the doctor and the sher-
If.
My Brethren--if you would be rich, you
must work--work--like new cider. idle
ness works big holes through ones coat.
Jacket and trowsers, and never provides
means to mend them. You must get it by
bodily or brainly exertions, remove every
obstacle that doubt and fear have implanted
in your paths--blast, if necessary, the rock
Of salvation--and you will acquire riches
bullock out that you don't bring plague up
on your peace, and lose your own soul at last
My Worthy Friends--If you would be fat
eat pork, and every other kind of adipose
matter; and you will get as fat as hog, and
twice as stupid. have nothing further te
say on that point.
But, my hearers, ifyou would study witt
ease, you must be careful not 10 overload the
stomach with meat and vegetables. The
brains and belly are near neighbors-chun
companions. These are SO identified tina
whatever affects the one is sure TO move th
other Fancy won't stay about the premis
es while a cart load of roast-beefand plumb
pudding is undergoing the process Of diges
ion; and indignation takes wing to get ou
Of smelling distance Of the disgusting mass