Portage sentinel. [volume] (Ravenna, Ohio) 1845-1854, 1847-07-14
Cutting a Fellow Out.
BY A VICTIM.

once attempted tosasis fetlew-eus,-tha
is, poked my nose into his business, med
ding with the affections of his gal, and 60
kicked for my. pains. g She is nice gal;
fine gal is Mary Haines; little conceited
and great at the destruction of pork ant
beans. admire her for that more than any
thing else in the world, unless it be her con
ceit. Next to that, a girl can possess NJ
higher claim upon my. admiration than q
good appetite for pork and beans-an appe
tite that will stand by her through all sea
sons and circumstances. Well, Mary
Haines loves pork and beans, with an i'm.
placable, undying, unappeasable, iinexora
bic afection-ah! who would not love such
a girle | am not he-I love her for her
love of them; love her for her conceit!
Ah! Mary Haines, little do you know Of the
fierceness of the Vesuvius Of love that burns
in my bosom! little do you know Of the
blaze you have kindled there, fed, and kept
alive, by the charms you brought to play
upon my feelings, whenon a Sunday after
noon, we, you and !, fed together on pork
and beans-O, Hainesi Mary Haines! o!
can Levi Smith love you as | do? does he
appreciate your capacity for pork and
beans? y, Haines? does heloye. you fol
your conceit? does he worship you for those
two prominent qualities that SO much en-
beitlsh and adorn your own dear self? No:
say it. He cannot love you as I do; you
know that he does not-cannot; and yet,
you stood quietly by, and as quietly allow.
ed him to kick me from your presence. o,
Mary Haines! 9e = ss1@' o-a.'2 80" q
/ -''Tho' false you be to love and me, - =,
| Pll ne'er pursue revenge;
- For still nay charmer approve, $50
- Tho deplore the changer . +" l29 -
| Mary Haines loves her blessed self bet.
ter than all the, world besides; better, in fac
than she loves pork and beans, and that i:
saying a great deal. There is not one liv
ing for whom she entertains more unwaver
ing affection than, ,for-Mary Haines. Talk
about the friendship of your .Daymons and
Pythiuses-'tis nothing, absolutely nothing
when compared with the friendship she cher.
ishes for-Mary Haines. She is the living
s'test of friendship" wrapped up in as com
Portable looking five feet five inches Of hu
manity, as ever fell head over ears in love
with-herself. And no one can find fault
with her for doing so-and Mary Haines is
good wholesome looking young lady
skin fair, but not exactly alabaster-te
good, but anything but pearls-lips deli
cious, but not rubies--eyes, bright, spark
ling, piercing, still not diamonds hair, al
ways neatly combed, curried,, frizzIed and
all that sort of thing; and then she dresses
her robust, corn-fed frame in the neates
manner possible, and Mary Haines sports
b'hustfe Of genteel dimensions; and, al
together, 7"take her by the large," as they
say in yankee land, she is q gal to be lov
| ed---she is loved; and by nobody so well
as by herself. Mary Haines is the bes
looking, the neatest dressed, best natured
most sensible girl in our circle, in her own
opinion; and for her opinion have a sor
pfprofound reverence. She is a capita
judge Of woman.kind, in my opinion. .,-,,''
Mary Haines owns up to ahusbhnd, an6
| meyer think of him only in 'connec
tion- with kicks. Levi Smith had been. hel
, acknowledged adnirer for several years
He attended to all her little affairs Of anna
biffty, md Tor q long time had been engag
ed to be married, that believe is tho expla