Boon's Lick times. [volume] (Fayette, Mo.) 1840-1848, 1847-08-07
SHORT PATENT SERMON.
Drinking and Thinking.
BY DOW, JR.

Drinking and Thinking.
BY DOW, JR.
have selected the following as text
for my discourse:
If would be dry let him drink, drink, drink.
If man would be wise, let him think, think think.
If would be rich, let him work, work, work.
If he would be fat, eat pork, pork, pork.
But if
man with ease would study, he must eat, eat, eat
But little at his dinner, Of his meat, meat, meat,
And youth to be distinguished in his art, art art.
Must keep the girls away from his heart, heart,
heart.
NY HEARERs-To keep constantlyidry,
always wear an oil.cloth dress, carry q
good umbrella, and practice rum drinking.
The two first articles, however, are only
essential in protecting the outside from
superabundant moisture, but the latter
keeps the inside as dry as stove
pipe. never saw a drnker but what was
eternally dry-dry in all kinds of weather.
He goes to bed dry, and keeps himself
dry through the day. It's not to be
wondered at; for how can he be otherwise
than dry, when he keeps the blue blazes
Of hell constantly burning in his bosom,
by pouring double distilled damnation
down his throat. In fact, my friends, the
|
drinks the drier he grows; on his death-bed
he cries for zone drink more for the last"
and then goes out of the world as thirsty
of his life. / should not wonder much f
he called for cocktail at the bar of judg-
ment; and there is no doubt but he would
prefer going to Tophet to abiding in
Heaven, if they only sold liquor therel
My friends-if you would be wise you
must think think. It's matter of doubt
to me whether Eighty fools or intelligent
dogs do the most thinking. You, perhaps,
think as much as the greatest philosophers,
but the deuce Of i, is, what do you think
about, and what does it amount TOT The
gems of wisdom lie deeply buried, and they
4 can only be obtained by great mental toll.
You must dig for them like dog for a
wood-chuck, or you don't get them. The
beginning of wisdom, said my old friend
, Solomon, and he knew thing or two, is
the fear of the Lord; to which l will add.
:. defiance of the devil, the doctor and the
sheriff.
: Ny brethren--if you would be rich,
# you must work-work-like new CIDER
ldleness works big holes through ones coat
jacket and trowsers, and never provides
means to mend them. You must get it by
bodily and brainly exerton, remove every
) obstacle that doubt and fear have implan-
u ted in your paths-bast, if necessary, the
\ rock of salvation-and you will acquire
riches; look out that you don't bring a
. plague upon your peace, and lose your
own soul at last.
My worthy friends, if youswould be fat,
eat pork and every other kind of adipose
b matter, and you will get as fat as hog
u u and twice as stupid. have nothing more
:. to say on that point.
!! But my hearers, if you would study
:, with ease, you must be careful not TO over
:. load the stomach with meat and vegetables.
- - The brains and belly are near neighbors
~ --chum companions. They are so identi-
= fed that whatever affects the one is sure 10
!. affect the other. Fancy won't stay about
70 the premises while cart load of roas,
20 beef and plumb pudding is undergoing the
4 process of digestion; and Imagination takes
~ wing to get out of smelling distance of the
80 disgusting mass. To think clearly, you
80 must eat little and stir your stumps.
:" MY young friends-if you would make
=, much Roadway in the world, and arrive al
= any degree of proficiency in your under
- taking, you must keep the girls away from
your heart. They are troublesome insects
n, you all know, but you mustn't let then
= bother you when business demands your un
n. divided attention. Better marry them a
a. once--commit matrimonial suicide--thar
10 allow them to plague you for a moment
,S So mote il be.