Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1847-04-06
JOLIET, ILLINOIS, APRIL s, 1s47.
KICKING A YANKEE,

By JOSEPH N. FIELD, OF THE ST. LOUIS REvEILLE
A very handsome friend of ours. who.
a few weeks ago, was poked out of a
comfortable Office up the river, has betaken
himselfto Bangor, for time, to recover
from the wound inflicted upon his feelings
by our "unprincipled and immolating
administration" a,aal .s.eAlo a.s
Change of air must have had an instan-
taneous effect upon his spirits, for, from
Galena, he writes US an amusing letter,
in which among other things, he tells US
of desperate quarrel that took place on
board ofthe boat between realliv dandy
tourist, and a real Yankee settler. The
latter trod on the toes of the former ;
whereupon the former threatened to"Kick
out ofthe cabin" the latter s4lst -
"You'll kick me ont of this cabling ~
"Yes, sir,I'll kick you out ofthis cabin"
"You'll kick me, Mr.. Hitchcock, out of
this cabling? ~ a.e
Is Yes, sir, I'll kick you, Mr.. Hitchcock
oval, guess said the Yankee, very
coolly, after being perfectly satisfied that
it was himself who stood in such imminent
peril of ASSAULT guess, since yourtalk
of kicking, you've never heard me tell
about old Bradley, and my mare, there,
to hum 2, osi 51anE eaf By d SEQ
''No, sir, nor do l wish"
"Wal,guess it won't set you back much,
any how, as kicking's generally best to be
considered on. You see, old Bradley is
one of these sanctimonious, long. faced
hypocrites, who put on religious suit
every Sabbath morning, and with good
deal of screwing, manage to keep it on till
after sermon in the afternoon and as
was Universalist, he alters picked me
out as subject for religious conversation
and the darned hypocrite would talk
about heaven, hell, and the devil without
ever winking. Wal, he had an old roam
mare that would jump over any fourteen
rail fence in Illinois, and open any door
in my barn that hadn't paddock on it. Tu
or three times found her in my stable,
and | told Bradley about it, and he was
very sorry'--'an unruly animaP-'would
watch her. and hull lot of such things,
all said in very serious manner, with a
face on twice as long as old Deacon
Farrar's. | knew all the time he was
lying, and 80 / watched him and his old
roam tn and for three nights regular, old
roam cane to my stable about bedtime,
and just at daylight Bradley would come,
bride her, and ride off. Ithen took my
old mare down to blscksmith's shop, and
had some shoes made with 'corks' about
four inches long, and had EN- nailed on TO
her hind feet. Your heels, Mister, amt
nothing tn 'em. | took her home, give
her about ten feet halter, and tied her right
in the centre of the stable, fed her we'll
with oats about nine o'clock, and after
taking good smoke, went to bed, know
ing that my old mare was a truth-tslling
animal, and that she'd give good report
OF herself in the morning. l hadn't got
fairly to sleep before the old 'oman bunch.
ed me, and wanted to know what on airih
was the matter out at the stable. Says
|, GO tn sleep, Peggy; it is nothing but
Kate she's kicking off flies, l guess p
Purity soon she hunched me agin, and
says she, 'Mr. Hitchcock, du git up and
see what is the matter with Kate, for she
is kicking most powerful Lay still,
Peggy; Kate will take care Of herself, I
guess ...
Il s'tWal, the next morning about daylight,
old Bradley, with bride in hand, cum to
the stable, as true as the book of Gen esis;
when he sew the old roan's sides, legs,
and head, he cursed and swcre worse than
you did, Mister, when cum down on your
toes. AFTER breakfast, that morning, Joe
Davis cum to my house, and says he,
'Bradley's old roam is nearly dead--she's
cut all to pieces, and can scarcely move.
Il want to know, says 1; how on airth
did it happen y Now Joe Davis was a
member of the same church with Bradley,
as we were talking, up cum that ever
lastin' hypOcrite, and says he, 'Mr. Hitch
cock, my old roam is, ruinedP Du tell,
says /. 'Shs is cut all to pieces says
he do you know whether she was in
your stable, Mr.. Hitchcock, last night 2
Wal, Mister, with this | let out /: ''Do
knoU it !'-(the Yankee here, in illustra-
ton, made sudden advance upon the
dandy, who made way for him, uncon-
aciously, as it were, )--.De ! know it, you
no-soulsd, shad-bellisd. squash headed,
old night-owl you-you hay. hookin', corn
-cribbin', foddsr-fudgin', cent-shavin'
within -ofnuthin', you!-Kate kicks like
mere dumb beast, but I've reduced the
thing to science ="
The Yankee had not ceased to advance,
MOI. the dandy, in his astonlshmet, to re-
treat; and now, the motion of the latter
being accelerated by an apparent demon.
stration on the part Of the former to "suii
the action TO the word" he found himself
liz the "social hail." tumbling backwards
over pile Of baggage, and tearing the
knees Of his pants az he scrambled up, a
perfect scream Of laughter stunning hln