The northern galaxy. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1844-1848, 1847-08-17
SPECULATION IN WHISKERS; OR,
SHAVING IN A BROKERS' OFFICE.

There lived in Milledgeville, in 1882, a
dandiied Individual, whom we call jerks.
This individual had tolerabIy favorable o.
pinion of his personal appearance. His fin
gers were hoped with rings, and his shirt
bosom was decked with magnificent breast
pin; coat, hat, vest, and boots were made ex-
acily to fit: he wore kid gloves of remarkable
whiteness; his HAIR was oiled and dressed in
the latest and best sryle-and TO complete his
killing appearance, he sported an enormous
pair OF REAL WHISPERS ,-Of these whiskers
jerks was as proud as young cat is Of her
tail when she first discovers she has one.
was sitting one day in brokers' office.
when jerks came in to inquire the price of
exchange in New-York. He was invited to
sit down. aud a cigar was offered. Couver-
saiion turning on the subject OF buying and
Selling stocks, a remark wos made by gen
tlennan present, that he thought no person
should sell out stock in such and-such bank
at that time, as it must get better in a few
DAYS,
Il will sell any thing Pve got, If can make
anything on it.; remarked jerks.
'Oh, no. replied one. mot any thing; you
wouldn't sell your WHISPERS
A loud laugh followed this chance remark.
Jenks Immediately answered.; i .would-bul
who would rant theml Any person making
the purchase would lose money by the oper-
alton, I'm linking
sWell,'I observed, y would be willing to
'ake the speculation, il the price could be
made reasonable
oh, I'll sell 'em cheap answered jerks,
winking at the gentlemen present.
What do you call cheap?' inquired.
III sell 'em for fifty dollars, jerks answer
ed. putting forth cloud of smoke across the
counter. and repeating the WISH
We'll, that is cheap; and you'll sell your
whiskers Tor fifty dolars!'
i WILL
Both Of them =
Both of them
ri take hemi When can haze them 2
Amy time you choose 70 call for Them
Very well-they're mine. think shall
double my money on them, at least
| took bill of sale as follows:
Received Of Sol Smith Fifty Dollars in
full for my crop of whiskers, to be worn and
taken care of by me, and delivered TO him
when called for. J. JENKs.
The sum Of fifty dollars was paid, q jerks
left the btoker's office in high glee. flourish
ing his Central Bank KS, and telling his ac-
quaintances Of the great bargain he had made
in the sale Of his whiskers.
The broker and his friends laughed at me
for being taken in so nicely. 'Never mind,
said !, let those laugh thai win I'll make
profit out Of those whskeis, depend on it,.
Fof a month after this, whenever mel
jerks, he asked when | inte0ded to call for
my whiskersl
II l., ,rbop 7 Than,
always nv answer. Take good care of them
oil them occasionally; lshall call for them
one of these days
splendid ball was to be given TO the mem
beers Of the Legislature. asceriained that
jerks was TO be one Of the manag be-
ing great lady's man, Ton account OF his
whiskers,I suppose,) and it occurred to me
that before the ball took place, might call
for my whiskers.
One morning I met jerks in BARRIERS
shop. He was adorziug before large mir
ror. aud combing up my whlskers at devil
of a rate.
'Ah there you are old fellow said he,
speaking 10 my reflection in the glass;
Come for your whiskers, suppose
oh. no hurry, | replied, as sat down Tor
a shave. larae
Always ready, you know, he answered
giving a final tie TO his cravat.
Come TO think oft, said nusiugy as the
barber began to put the lather on my lace
perhaps now would be as good time as an
other; You may sit down and letthe barber
Try his hands at the whiskers.'
You couldn't wait until tomorrow, could
you!' he asked hesitatingiy. There's TO be
ball to hight you KNOW
SO be suie there is, and think you ough'
TO 90 with clean face; at all events don
see any reason why you should expect to wear
mu whiskers to that bali SO sit down.
He rather sulkiy obeyed, and in few mo
ments his cheeks were in perfect foam oil
lather. The barber hou,ished his razor, and
was about to commence operations, when
suddenly changed my mind