The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1847-10-22
Advice to a Young Lady after her
Marriage.

ten in style usually agreeable, and brcathes
throughout, spirit of gentloness and excel
lent seGsc, which no young person cam read
without pleasure and instruction.
$50 Mrs. l.. M:
"iou are now married, and a. is usual on
such occasions, your friends and acquain-
lance will profess to wish You joy. Many
will do so as an act of common civiity, feel
ing little or nothing of the sentiment which
the words import. Whcn,. however, ex-
press solicitudc for your welfare, think
| am entitled to the credit Of meaning some
thing more than the performance of an emp
~ ceremony. But when congratulating
you, know no better way of proving the
sincerity Of my professions, than by tender
ing you my advice as to some Of the means
! deem necessary 10 be pursued in order to
render your new situation matter of real
/ ielcitation.
! "ioung people are very apt to think, if
they think at all on the subject, that when
| they get married their cares are all scatter
ed to the winds, and that their happiness is
secured for life. SO far from the truth is
such a thought, that when reality awalens
! them from the dream of uninterrupted bliss,
( tItN Iilb tIltlT StITD"S ttEltIlllN NOubICu.
and whether their joys are to be increased
or not, depends mostly on themselves; and
they will still find causes enough to inter
rupt their happiness, though each should do
their best TO prevent or counteract them.
Oae thing is certain, that the married state
may be made more happy than the single
life, or il may become state of perfect
wrctchedneSs; and whether your present
situation is TO be better than that yon cX-
changed for it, depends much or mostly on
yourself. 1t is therefore a matter the first
IN order. as well as first III importance to
you, that you should ondcavor to ascertain
the means best calculated to secure a con-
tinuance Of that happiness which doubtless
you expected TO experience in the welded
life. On this subject, will cndcavor to as
sist Won.
THAT you were happy during the period
spent III courShip, you willnOt deny. That
you were so, arose from the consciousness.
that You loved and were beloved in return
and from the pleasing hope or moral GER
tainty that you would attain the object o
your affections. This hope is realized, anC
that you are now happy, you need no one
{ to tell yol. If it is the reciprocatcd aftcc
tons of your husband which make You hap
py. il is yours which make him so; hence
mutual affections constitute the source o
comubioi bliss; and it is equally true, tina
the iFteiici'y Of the married state .f0llolrS III
e loss OF those affections. On the continuance
+, Of the affections, then, no less than on tht
choice of a husband. depends your happi
ness i'm the welded life. The means TO in
Z sure continuance OF those affections, is thu
subject next in course for your considera
ton.
80 numerous are the instances in whicl
l. married people have lost their affections 70
3, each other, that the unreIlecting have hast
l. concluded, That It's easier to acquire thar
retain them. If this be true, it goes 10 prov
i that YOU should be more asSiducus TO retail
the affections of your husband than you wcr
to gain them. But i is not true to the eN
: tent which many believe. lis very unphl
losophcal 10 argue, that Ike causes will nc
: produce Ike effects, or that the effect wi
cease. though the cause be continued. TIL
D. truth most probably is, that when the ai.oc
tons Of married people become extinct, il j
owing 10 their dCglect 10 continue Tie cause
By nrltjch Their affections Wefe first eiicitea
, What man IN his senses, If he knew the dis
Fl position Of the lady he addressed, would IA.
in love with sour, sulky, braWling, lima
b. tured woman? Ii is the opposite quaIiic
which he sees, in the lady Of his choice, {
which he becomes cnamurCd. II a cUur
tenancc il,lminad with smiles, eyes beam
IS inc with intelligence, mouth flowing wit
j. sweetness and good na,tuc--in short, dc
pertinent indicative of modcSty, mihncs
aud bcn;gnity 10 which he pays the homag
Of his heart. If such were the causes b
which were quickenod the tenderness of tn
y lovcr:rcly on il that nothing short Of thos
&c will insure the affections OF the husband; f
when the causes SubSidc, the effects mu
= necessarily cease, and then misery an
wreto hednesS viii become ,h, inmates
your household.
"Morc Of the happiness of married peop'
y is involved in their conduct during the Fir
y year, than in any succeeding period of the
!. connubial association. There are probabl
but few instances where persons newly ma
p ried do not discover, and that too in an ca
" period of their matrimonial relation, Gao
;, in the other, some trait of character whc
J" had before escaped their observaiion-ar
IL much, very much, Of the felicity Of the
IL lives, depends on the course they may pu
sue ON those occasions. Should the new
" discovered faults or folics Of the husbaI
appear w pc Nucn as ~ preclude lnc nope
their being corrected however unpleaSa
the task, the wiie'S easiest course will be
cndcavor 10 accommodate herself TO ther
If she cannot bring her circumstances toh
mind, the alternative is TO try TO bring h
M mind TO her circumstances. Custom al
!, habit tend 10 lessen the effect of evils viii,
cannot bt destroyed aud common pruden,
=, will induce hcrto conceal from her huSbaI
70 her knowledge of those faults of his viii,
~ she cannot expect TO obviatc, because it "
l. not increase his affections for her, should
: think that hers for him are in the wanc.
woman would correct the faults and f,
~. lies of her husband, she should reflect Tn
o. she can only do it by means Of her inf
ence over him-that she has, in general,
other influence than what arises from his
fcctions for her--that the continuance
these depends on the continuance Of I
causes by which they first were kndled +:
and yon may rest assured that whatever
IS, male patience, mldneSS, good humor, a
tender affection cannot accomplish Will
IN. husband, frowns, sulks, sharp reproof>, n
ill-naturca rcproaches never can ACHE,
- BY the former he may be soothcd into co,
plaisancc, and willingly led TO abando,