Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1846-04-02
From the National Press.
DIALOG UES OF OILY MPUS
BETWEEN THE GoDDEssEs
COLUMBIA AND BRITTANIA.
BY LUCIAN, JUNIOR.

Columbia and Brittania meeting.
Brit. Well, miss, | think you might have
, cursied, at least, to your old governess, who
took such care Of you when you were a
baby and taught you your letters.
! Col. My dear old lady, did courtsey ;
7 but fear you are getting near-sighted, and
didn't see me.
, Brit. Do you call that a curtsey?
call it bob Why, you scarcely bent your
knee; and I'd have you to know that peo-
Iple always kneel when they approach me.
Co.. You must excuse me; | am rather
stiff in the joints.
Brit. Yes, | know that of old. You
were always disobedient little hussey, and
would have your own way, even when you
couldn't walk without leading strings.
Col. Now, tell you what, old lady,
you must mind how you draw your strokes,
and keep a civil tongue in your head, Or
Brit. Or what? You forward young
mink Keep civil tongue in my head, and
mind how draw my strokes! Why, you
impudent, insolent hussey-you spawn of
DemQcra cy-as the Quarterly says-you
prating gabbler-you American vulture-
you repudiating bastard-you Insolent, i'll
conditioned, Il-begotten trollope-you,you OIL,
you-if didn't value myself on my genti
lity and refinement, I'd tell you what you
are-that's what would.
Co.. My dear old gossip, now do keep
yourself cool. ! have put up with more
from you than ever did from anybody in
the world, and don't wish to quarrel with
you. know you are bitter old toad, and
have never done me good turn in your
| life, if you could help it. You've cheated,
robbed, and insuted me time out of mind :;
but tell you plainly, won't put up with
it any more. | shall fly in your face and
scratch you terribly one of these times, you
Boosting, Dragging, double-faced old hypo-
critic.
Brit. Hypocrite Why-why-why-
you atrocious backbiter Don't | 60 to
church twice every Sunday, in the face Of
the whole world, and invite everybody to
come and look at me? DON'T | take the
part Of all the oppressed, ignorant people in
the universe and amt the best friend to
the niggers they ever had Marry, come
up, my dirty cousin. Hypocrite indeed
Don't give more money in public charity
enough You take care to let all the world
know it. You never hide your candle I'M
der bushel. You always let your right
hand know what your left does, and never
give away guinea without paying another
for having it chronicIed in the newspapers.
Brit. (,Aside.) could scratch the mnx's
eyes out, if | only dared. But the great
awkward creature is grown SO strong, that
| think it better to coax her little, for fear
of the bowie-knife. My dear; (azoud) you
should have a little respect for age. Re-
member, Pm old enough to be your mother,
and wise enough to-to-and all that sort
of thing.
Col. Yes, and my grandmother, and
at-great-grandmothe 1t is great
pity some people don't grow wiser as they
grow older.
Brit Well, moppet, don't be in such a
huff: ! want to talk to you about free trade
and Oregon. Come now, let's have little
sociable chat-about-aboutt the forty-nlnth
degree-come, now, keep cool.
Col. Y on won't come over me, old lady,
as you did about the northeastern bounda-
ry, can tell you. Pm no godIike man,
but goddess.
Bril- Hah hah ! hah! good joke,
wasn't it. came CANNON over you there,
little! Hah hah excuse me, for being a
little merry. love good joke above all
things-especiaIly when it's not at my ex-
pense, (Aside
Col. Well, as you say, let's talk over
the matter coolIy. Now tell me, honestly,
were you not little ashamed of yourself,
for claiming what you know you had no
more right to than the man in the moon
Didn't you blush a little?
Brit. Oh, mo- never blush - except
for other people.
Col. Well, that's great comfort. But
now tell me, won't you-are you not lit
tie ashamed Of your conduct in India
where-where you know you have killed
few hundred thousands and plundered the
rest?
Brit. Oh, that was all sheer phianthro-
py. | went there to better their conditions
to civilize and convert them-and to make
the poor creatures dance to the sound of the
British drum and fife. You can't think how