American Republican and Baltimore daily clipper. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1844-1846, 1846-01-19

mach, ''an' kept on Geclin no better very fast,
till at last it seemed as though I'D got steam
ingine sawin' shingles IN me sot down on
a cheer an bent myself up like nut-cracker,
thinkln' I'D grin an bear it; but | couldn't set
still, twisted and squrmed about like an an
gle worm on hook, till at last the chap as
gin me the cream, who had been lookin' on
snickerin' says to me, Mister says he, what
alls yel3'
'Ails mel says I, that ere darnd stuff of
your'n is freezin' up my deylights, says |.
You eat too much says he.
Il tell yer | didn't screamed |, Il know
what's a'nuf an what's too much without ask
in you, an if you don't leave off snickerin'
I'll Spite yer face.
He cottoned right Goun, am said he did
mean any hurt, an asked me i'll hadn't better
take some gin. told him would. So | took
a purity good horn and left the shop,
carter got out" continued Ethan, 81 felt
better for mnnit or SO, but hadn't gone fur,
afore the gripeS took Inc agn', so ] went into
anuther shop an took some more gin; then |
sot doun on the State House steps an then |
sot an sot, but didn't feel darn'd mite better,
begun to think wus goin to kick the bucket,
an then thought of father and muther an of
old Spanker-that's fathers hoss-and when
thought should never see 'em agln, ! fairly
blubbered. But then happened to look up
an see dozen boys grimm an larfn' at me;
tell yer what, it riz my dander ,-that had got
down below ne'O-rite up agin. | sprung at
'em like wild cat, holerin' out that I'd shake
their tarnal gizzaids out, an the way the little
devils scampered was caution to nobody
But after the citement of the race was over, |
felt wus agin, an | couldn't help groanin' an
screeching as went along.
At last thought I'D 90 to the theatre, but
afore got there the gripes got SO strong that
| had to 90 behind meetin-'us and lay down
an roll an boiler. After while got up an
went into a shop un eat half a dollars wurth
of billed asters with four picked cowcumbers
and wound up with a glass of brandy Then
went into the theatre and seed the plays, but
felt SO tarnally that couldn't see any fun in
'em, for | don't think the listers an tho cow
cumbers dun me any good. sot down, lade
down, un stood up, but still it went on grippe,
grippe. groaned all the time, an once in a
while | was obleeged to screach kinder easy
Everybody stared at me, and somebody called
out--"turn him out!n once or twice. But at
last Just as the niger Othelo was goin' to put
the plller on his wife's face to smother her,
there cum SIGH twinge through me, that
rally thought was Dustin up, an ] yelled
out-"Oh dear!--oh scissors" so loud that the
old theatre Tung agin. Sich low you never
seed the niggcr dropped the piller, and Deu-
teronomy-or what you call her there-his
wife, Jumped off the bed un run while every
body IN the theatre was all up in Il muss, some
larfing, some swearin' The upshot of 1t was,
the perllse carried me oGt of the theatre um
told me TO make myself sea zee.
wal, as | didn't feel any better ! went into
shop close by, an called for two glasses of
brandy; arter swallern it, | went hum to the
tavern. | Sot down by the wnder and tried to
think felt better, but twas no go; that bless
ed old ngine was still walloping away inside;
so | went out am eat a quarters with more
listers an 4 piece of mince pie. Then went
back an told the tavern-keeper felt kinder
sick, and thought I'D take some Caster lie, 4
mouthGul of cold meat an strong glass of
whiskey punch, an then 90 to bed. He got
the fixins, which took an went to bed.
But, tell yer what, had rather poor night.
Sometimes was awake grooming and hoierin'
I'm when was asleep I'd better bin awake, for
had SIGH powerful dreams. Sometimes
thought was skinnin a bear, un then by sum
hocus-pocus twould all change 'tother side too,
un the tarnal critter would be "a skinin me,
Then ag,n, I'd dream that was Iollin' logs
with the boys, an jest as I'd be shoutin out
snow then here she goes!"--everythin
would get reversed agin-l was log IN the
boys were prying me up with their hand
speaks. Then I'D wake up and screech an
roar-thcn off to sleep agin--to dream that
Spanker had run away with me, or that father
was whopping me, or some other piaggy thing,
til mornn'.
When gut up hadn't any appetite for
breakfast, and the tavorn-keeper told me if
was goin to carry on-screaming and groanln
as had the night afore, my room was better
than my company.
Il hain't,' said Mr.. Spike in conclusion, Il
hain't bin to Portland sence, but if | live to be
as old as Methusalem, | shall never forget that
ALFRED Ice Cream.'