Iowa territorial gazette and advertiser. [volume] (Burlington, Iowa Territory [Iowa]) 1840-1846, 1846-04-04
BURLINGTON, IowAs SATURDAY, APRIL !, 1876.


..sisa, FIJI For the Gazette.
-As, 4lsoi {Cbnsldrk) ,...l.,.saa.. !.
y But | suppose if this iqaasi-teacher had
been present himself at the time Of, or a
little previous to the food, something like
the following dialogue would have occurred
between him and his Maker u 3
Maker. "Behold l, even I, do bring a
Hood Of waters upon the earth 10 destroy
all fesb.'' -. .slsa
Teacher. suspected, Lord, thou vast
deficient righteous indignation. Drown
ing is punishment far inadequate to the
guilt Of these sserpents'' who have filled
the earth with "siolence and blood.a Hast
thou ''no just sense of the cnormity of the
crime" Of murder. Where now is this
Thy boosted wrath. the Quinieseence Of all
mercy2 , is 81 i ak
MAS the heavens are higher than the
earth SO are my wsys higher than your
ways and my thoughts than your thoughts"
e T. Well, Lord, that may all be; but
then these murderers deserve to have the
lives choked out Of every one Of aer,, and
now if you'll abandon this your purpose,
1 and my enlightened citizens will raise
ascrop ofhemp, little Ham and his Pa who
are at work upon the Ark will twist ropes
in the meantime, and in less than twelve
months we'll have every soulo Of 'em strung
up by the neck. And wouldn't il be a
beautiful spectacle 10 sec 'em dangling in
the air there like forked radishes. It'll
do ones soul goodl ~ ~
:, And then, Lord, you know that Ham
is such a mischievons little tike, she'll
hct let his Pa work any on the Ark, SO
that you had better set them to rope-mak-
ing.
NJ. svain man would be wise, though
man be born like wild ASST colt" fob
.Il..l2.1 $50 #est |ss t9'a7t4 hse1>253
T. Hope you don't meat, 10 insinuate,
Lord, that l am Of low birth. for had al
ways supposed l belonged to the Royal
household Of Adam; at any rate l consider
this foreign to the question at issue, name
ly: drowning rersns choaking. But it ap-
pears TO me Lord, this nood-scheme of
yours III come to naught, at least So far as
its purposes are concerned. for Eve told
you before about that little Ham; and you
know he's got more IAN dozen Of them
apples in him. when only one of 'em made
Eve SO crazy she kicked over the tub of
blissl Well, now this little Ham. after the
animals are brought in and secured and the
Ark is once afloat, he'll elevate the An
client Henry ("raise the Ola Harry")
more than like as not, for if he gets out Of
his Pas sight he's sure to let the animals
all loose; it's Just like him; and then
there'll be chipping and mewmg andsqueal-
ing and nelghing and kicking and roaring;
and the old Ark II quake TO her very gun
wales!! Hope if he should 90 about the
Giraf he'll get his little brains kicked ont.
+ Well, now this little Ham, If he can't
ct ihs animals Loose he'll be picking the
oaRum and pitch out Of tlie cfsvices OF Tie
boat, and you know, Lord, if this is done
the old barge ID sure to strand; and where
then will be the human family? Let's
hang the little devil now, for he'll be
murderer any how. st e aaSi
But this isn't all. Here he speaks in
lctc uhisper. Iisnppose you know that
his Pas in the habit Of taking little too
mitch Of the ''cr,tfer." Now what il he
shbuld become fuddled while launched
upon the moon stird waters! Where then
would be the Ark! for you kncw.it would't
do to let little Ham take hold Of the rnd-
der. He'd like no better fun than ID run
her slain bang right UP against Rams
Gate" and then thefe'd be war again with
the animals! o pshaw; let's put an end
to him and be done with it. Just let me
at him. ssaa le3tE fYa50g gi6
M. "Vengance is mine; / will repay
Saith the Lord" Erisent omnes.
But perhaps it is well this quasi-teacher
was not present at the time Of the flood, for
il he had been ''hopeless iora' would prob
ably never have discotered the actual d.
vinify there is an ropes. Beware all We
who handle halters, lest We, tritfe with Sal
cred things! We read Of Priesthood
which was, after the "order of Melchise-
dec;' but it was happily reserved for the
"rise and 9 Tory" Of Iowa to show there Is
another Priesthood also, after the order Of
Holsters! \. $50 Goa
A certain author remarks in speaking
Of the divinity of human nature. that when
ever you lay your hand upon man you
.'touch heaven;'' but who can conceive
what he touches when he lays his hand
upon ropes! e pli .
+, There has been much speculation upon
the influences which operate to make sal
Tors "such noble class of men," Some
suppose the sublimity and awful grandeur
1T The storfh-tossed Ocean have a tendency
TO mould and elevate their character; but
| have no hesi,ancy in saying now, it is
all owing to ropes! How many practical
deductions may be drawn from the DIvIN-
lTY OF RoPEs!
In his usually aippant style he thus
speaks again: s.ss.a .pe 81. es
Sin this the exposition Of the benevolent
Jesus? Verify no. but he establishes a''
(capital punishment, s'and goes onto show
its breadth and spirituality. sBut I cay
unto you" Sc. Here. we may see again
cas- it were in glass" something Of This
mans theology. "Breadh an. spiir 'tual-
ity9" Really, this hollow, back Of Bur-
lington where the Hodges were throttled
must be i sacretd spo! Wonder If he
doesn't mark It as the place Of his CONFER
sioni would advise him il lie be in these