Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1846-01-01
WHEN MAY A SCOTCHMAN BE CALLED
DRUNK

DRUNK.
"Well, Doctor, pray give us definition
of what you consider being fou, that we
may know in future when cannie Scot
may, with propriety, be termed drunk"
''Well, gentlemen said the Doctor, ''thal
is rathera kittIe question 10 answer, for you
must know there is great diversity of
opinion on the subject Some say that a
man is sober as long as he can stand upon
his legs. An Irish friend of mine, fire.
eating hard-drinking captain of Dragons,
once declared to me, on his honor as SOL
dier and gentleman, that he would never
allow any friend of his to be called drunk
till he saw him trying to light his pipe at
the pump. And others there be, men of
learning and responsibility too, who are of
opinion that man has a right to consider
himself sober as long as he can lie flat on
his back without holding on by the ground.
For my own part, am man of moderate
opinions, and would allow that man was
fou, without being just so far gone as any
of these. But, with your leave, gentlemen,
IPll tell you a story about the Laird Of Bon
Iniemoon, that will be good illustration Of
what call being fou.
''''The Laird of Bonniemoon was gae fond
! of his bottle-in short, just poor drunken
body, as said afore. On one occasion he
was asked to dine with Lord R, a
Ineighbor of his, and his Lordship, being
well acquainted with the Laird's, dislike to
small drinks, ordered bottle of cherry
brandy to be set before him after dinner, in
stead Of port, which he always drank in pre-
ference to claret when nothing better was
to be got. The Laird thought this fine
heartsome stuff, and on he went filling his
glass like the rest, and telling his cracks,
and ever the more he drank the more he
praised his Lordship's Port. cit was fine
Ifull-bodied wine, and lay we'll on the sto-
mach, not like that poisonous stuff claret
that made body feel as he had swallowed
a nest of puddocks." Well, gentlemen, the
Laird had finished one bottle of cherry BRAN
dy, or, as his Lordship called it, "his par
ticular PORT" and had just tossed off G lass
of the second bottle, which he declared to
be even better than the first, when his old
confidential servant, Watty, came Shaving
into the room, and making his best bow,
announced that the Laird's horse was at the
door. "Get out of that We fause loon,'' cried
the Laird, pulling off his wig and finging il,
at Watty's head. "Do ma We see, We ble!her-
ing brute, that Pm just beginning my Sc
cond bottle?'' "But MASTER" says Watty,
scratching his head, ''its amaist twall o.
clock" 'Weel, what though it be-" said
the Laird, turning up his glass with drunken
gravity, while the rest of the company were
. ike to split their sides with laughing at him
and Watty. at Gamma be ony later, my man,
so Just reach me my wig and let the nag
bide vice." Well, gentlemen,i it was cold
frosty night, and Watty soon tired of kick
ing his heels at the door; so, in a little
while, back he comes, and says he, "Mais-
ter, master, its amaist ane O'Clock - "Weel,
Watty," says the Laird with a hiccup-for
he was far goneby this time-''it will never
be ony earlier, Watty, my man, and that's a
comfort, SO you may just rest yourself wee
while LANCER till finish my bottle. A full
belly makes a stiff back, you know Watty."
Watty was by this time dancing mad so,
after waiting another half hour, back he
AOuOo All oA oViul Iui J anu 90 . HC AAdl vs.
Laird, as true as death the sons rising."-
"Weel, Watty," says the Laird, looking aw-
full wise, and trying with both hands to fill
his glass, ''et him rise my man, let him rise,
he has further to gang the day than aither
you or me, Watty." -. ........
"This answer fairly dumfounded poor
Waty and he gave it up in despair But,
at last the bottle was finished; the Laird
was lifted into the saddle, and off he rode
in high glee, thinking all the time the moon
was the sun, and that he had fine daylight
for his journey. "Heech, Watty, my man,
says the Laird, patting his stomach and
speaking awful thick, 1--WE were name the
worse for the second bottle this frosty morn
ing" '.Faith," says Watty, blowing his
fingers and looking as blue as bilberry,
"your honor is may be name the worse for
it, but Pm name the better; ] wish was"
Well, on they rode fou cannily, the Laird
gripping hard at the horses name and roll
ing about like sack of meal; for the cold
air was beginning to make the spirits tell
on him. At last they came, to bit of a
brook that crossed the road and the Laird's
horse, being pretty we'll used to have his
own way, stopped short and put down his
head to take drink. This had the effect