The voice of freedom. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1839-1848, 1846-12-31
THE PARsON PERPLEXED.

lt1Ei PARSON PEEsPLEXED.
The Parson sat in his study, musine owe
the various subjects which might form tn
ground work of his next sermon. Faith an
Grace, with their attributes, were his chic
hobbies and he felt in proper mode to ex
PLAIN either of these christian qualities for tn
hunaredth time, but he remembered that du
ring the last Sunday he had expatiated upol
each, and he doubted whether his congrega
ton would relish so speedy a renewal of tn,
subject,
While, pen in hand he reflected knocl
was heard at the door.
"Come in
Miss Puppet is afraid that Mr. Steadfas
may have caught cold last evening, and send:
some flannel waistcoats with her compl
ments."
Another knock
miss Hundrum asks Mr. Steadfast's ac-
ceptance Of dozen linen bands"
Miss Jupiter sends Mr.. Steadfast some
catmint tea for his sore throat"
Mrs. Mullen wishes to borrow Mr.. Stead.
fast's last sermon on spiritual recognizance."
Miss Cantatrice returns Mr.. Steadfast's
sermon in favor of the cclibacy of the clergy.
She thinks is written beautifully, but does not
Such were some of the many messages re-
ceived in the course of ten minutes At last
there was cessation, and with groan the
parson closed the door. Why did he groan :?
Was it not very pleasant to be the recipient
of so many kind attentions
"Im like baited bull among them" he So
lloquised. each way turn, I'm met with
profiers of herb teas and worsted stockings,
and these are intended mot to cure cold but
are expected to open a way into my heart
(Here he arose and walked to the looking
glass) And why is it? Tn surely not
handsome. I'm too fat to look intellectual,
and | have an unganly walk"
Such reflections soon put all thoughts of
faith and grace out of his head.
What can / do to avoid this persecution
A voice within me whispers, Get married ;
but there is none whom / care for sufficient
ly. / dread them all alike. Could / find
some one who - But no! 1t is impossi-
BILE |"
Foolish parson You know not what you
are saying. There is one whom YOU like, but
your silly heart, although in large case does
not know and use its liberty.
While the Parson thus thought he again
sunk back in his seat, drowsiness came over
him, a mist passed over his eyes, and he slept.
His reflections had before put many to sleep,
now they exercised the same influence upon
himself.
The parson not only slept, but he dreamed.
He thought that he was walking in the
open country, and was astonished to observe
many persons travelling to one particular
point Of the compass. As he was bound up.
on no particular errand but had merely ven
tured out for exercise, he mingled with the
human stream.
After ourneying on for about half an hour,
he saw before him large space of ground
palisaded around, and the outside of this was
thronged with people. There were spruce
gentlemen and market men, merchants and
artizans, all waiting as if expecting some in
teresting show; but what struck the parson
with the most astonishment was, the large
number of women who had associated them
selves with the crowd, and had so gradually
insinuated themselves that they had obtained
the front rank, where they could have an I'M
interrupted view of all that took place within
the vacant space.
"What is the object of this vast assem-
blage ?" the ParSon demanded of person
near him.
Know you not that tournament is to be
holden here to-day ?"
Indeed And do women collect to sec
such bloody sight ?"
On the present occasion, they do not only
look on, but fight too," the man answered.
"And will not the law interfere 2"
I" The law has directed that this tourna-
merit shall be held If you wish proof, read
this proclamation
The man took from his pocket a printed
paper and handed it to the parson, who read
the following with the most unfeigned aston
ishment---
Whereas,it has been proved upon oath be-
fore this court, that the Rev. Ozias Steadtast,
in defiance of all female charms leveed a.
gainst his heart obstinately refuses to enter
into the holy state of matrimony.
And whereas it has been further proved
that not even the farther inducements of col
airs, stockings, bands, sweetmeats, cakes, com
fits, .teats, &C., have persuaded him to with
draw from the quarrelsome courts of Celebs.
?" And whereas it has been farther proved,
that the said conduct ofthe said parson is like
ly to cause sedition,ky reason of melting fool
ISL women to CAD from house to house, in Or
der to retail each speech of the said parson.
a. And whereas it has been supposed, that
such state of things would cease if the said
parson were given to some female of merit, to
have and to hold from this time forth,
Therefore, be it resolved. that tourna.
ment be holden, in which the prize of the
victor shall be the heart and hand of the said
pAtson.