The New era. [volume] ([Portsmouth, Va.]) 1845-1847, 1846-03-17

She comes out perfect tyrant scolds and berates
us, if we are only counting ; boxes our ears or
smackS our mouths, it we are engaged; , and
lectures. scratches and thumps us if we are mar
RED One who is good subject for driving
stands no chance at all. Every effort which he
makes to exricate himself only plunges him
deeper IN the difficulty and finally at one start
he finishes the matter forever, and we see him
safely secured like big catfish with strinp
through his Gigs. Did you ever remark iuven.
lie pussy after she has achieved the conquest, of
poor insignificant mouse how she hits il pat
aud sends 1t here, and then TO balance mattexs
gives it another, and sends it there: how she
shakes. cuffs, and knocks it about until it is al
most breathless, and seems TO say You run
away if you dare!' If so, then YOU have some
slight idea OF the situation of moor fellow who
is good subject for driving He pets a hit
here, which sends him bang into tea partv
then whack ! comes another, which sends him
clear into the middle of next week at a pic- mic
party; and whip! comes toss up into the air.
and he alights on his feet at fashionable ball
And one half of the time the unfortunate man is
unconscious of his maltIeatment; thinks it is all
very nice; that he is doing the agreeable and
making all these arrangements himself when in
fact the whole affair is managed by the lady to
su it herSeli and yet she has the address To make
him believe that lie is the author And he stands
like calf about to be led To the slaughter, while
his enemies are getting the drppng-pan and
basing spoon ready for his roasting, and he is
at that moment being regularly done brown
We see occasionally in the newspapers accounts
of marriages which take place after fifty years
courtship,' and every one is shocked to.think of
the great waste of time which has taken place
when an expeditions driver would have brought
the wooer up to the popping point Immediately,
II not sooner. The matter is very simple. Five
or SIX hints of the superior attractions of Mr..
Smith, or Mr.. Brown, with occasional going
to church with one or the other, or both and
then a soltness of voice, and sort of Don't
speak to-me,- but rght-straight- and ask
my pa ativeness,' in his presence, will soon bring
affairs to crisis. Ii is all very nice for beau
TO have no rival, but ii is sometimes the source
OF great prOcTaStnatOn, when one or two appear
ances of some good looking man with whskers
would have sharpened up the ideas Of the tagging
admILer, wonderfully, and he would have been in
great haste to have married his inamOrata for fear
somebody else would get her 1t is said that
there are other ways of driving which are not
quite 50 pleasant; bat as the present generation
has been made very we'll acquainted with some
of the ways in which it is DONE is thought hardly
necessary to discuss the matter here vet those
who wish to study this branch of the science, are
referred for particulars to the melancholy nara
tons of the patient and long suffering Job Car
die. But To change the sad picture. suppose
WOrricrS'
When a man can't be led, he must be driven
and when he can't be driven he must be worried
There's smile when he's willing, a lrown when
he's suen, and scoding when he's stubborn
The fact has been long ascerained, that teazinr
is the most delightful thing which a woman can
do; 1t is so easy, SO pleasant, and puts her in
such an amiable state of mind. just let her get
fair game, old bachelor, for example, and don't
no md tbo
Now 1t is, Why don't You get married, Mr.
Simpkins? Pm sure you're old enough And
then, OH who'd have such an old dried up
specimen you are? | don't wonder that you
are not married; such fusly, sngy, cross, sour
old wretches seldom are Or if it should be a
coquette, with ILL., used victim dangling after
her, looking thin fishing rod and as lugu.
brlous as sick monkey signing like bellows
and groanlng like dry cart Wheel then if she does
not care about driving him to extremities, but
prefers to worry him. for the fun of thething what
a happy opportunity to exercise this amaible char
acerlsic! She goes with him to ball. and dan
ces all the evening with Mr. johnson she enpa-
ges to 90 with him the next Sabbath evening
TO hear the Rev. Dr. Poundtext preach. and be-
fore he reaches the house she is off with Mr. Jen
klns he visits her and finds her So much enter
tanned with the conversation of Mr.. Jones that she
does not look at him all the evening and III This
time the unfortunate wight views the proceeding
IN much the same light as a little dog looks at
big one, whsn the big rms away with the H.
tie ones bone; grlns horribly ghastIy smile ,
tries to make believe that it is good Joke, rem
good joke. while all the time rage is gnawing at his
heart. and every circumstance portends that there
will be grand blow up. Positively it is a shame
that they worry the men so and yet sorne
people say that they rot SO much to blame
after all. They say that the men ENCOURAGED
them in it, and as long as they do so, they must
expect that the women will smile, provoke, bother
and tease them. Now, if an unfortunate love
stricken youth is troubled by the smile of Beauty
do ye think that if she knows it to be the fact
size will stop it 2 Not Bit of III It is more
than likely that on the next occasion she sees
him, she will smile more sweety than ever: and
he silly fool instead Of bracing up his nerves
and flying to 8 a lodge in some vast wilderness
what does he do ?-Wby, like frightened horse
he rushes into the flames again with his ewes
wide opep SO that after all he is more to blame
than his sweet heart; and if any accident hap
pens, let the coroner's jury bring in a verdict of
Starved him rightp All which is respectfully
submitted to the consideration ofour loving read
ers, here and elsewhere.
SIMPLE CURE FOR STAMMERING.
Mr. Wakefield, at an inquest he held lately
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