The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1846-02-12
Ra From Jerrold's Shilling Magazine.
THE PHILOSOPHER MARRIED.

e When the philosopher marries, all the
people Of his acquaintance combine TO laugh
5 st him. Whyi Is there anything incom-
patible in philosophy and phlogy; in the
love of woman? "The wisest man the
world e'er saw" appears 10 have thought
otherwise, and Socrates as well as Solomon
was husband. When Adam Croth, find.
5 ing, like his first father and namesake, that
it was not good to be alone, contracted ma
I trimony with Amelia Smith, was any reason
why all the other Smiths--Amelia's kinsfolk
excepted-and the Joneses, and Browns,
and Thompkinses, comprising the world he
moved in, should, simply because Adam
vas reputed philosopher, make merry at
Z tine expense of his fathers soni 1t is true
that the marriage Of Adam was 4 step ia
consistent with that philosophy when placed
the summun bonGsl in the main chance. He
married purely for those reasons that, ac-
! cerding TO Uncle Toby, are written in the
Common Prayer Book, which include, we
believe, no reference to the Three Per
Cents. sa fa e agA
! As we have stated Crotch philosopher,
il behoves us to explain what were his pre-
1 tensions to that character, They consisted
theoretically, in considerable amount Of
literary, scientific, metaphorical knowledge,
: and practically, in systematic course oi
life, based mainly onstks principles of en-
ioying himself TO the extent Of his means,
and repressiug all desires that would exceed
their limits. Thus Adam, who like may
ether philosophers, was rather fond of smok-
Z ing, though in the abstract he perferred Ha-
yana cigars to the common weed, was wont
to adapt his finances, to content himself with
q clay pipe; and though he had taken a
relish for claret as any nebleman, could be
very happy over pot Of porter. 1t was
further maxim with Adam Crotch, in econ
smizing, to sacrifice the lesser enjoyment
to the greater, and always to deny himself
what he could best spare.
Now there are two words TO every bargain;
Adam Crotch did not plunge into matrimony
without having inquired what Amelia would
say to the plan Of life which he had chalked
out. Her answers were most satisfactory
When Adam explained to her the difference
between real and fictitious, and asked wheth-
OF, content with true happiness, she could
despise its illusory phantom, she would
reply:
go yes!" with an enthusiasm which none
but young ladies who are in love can pro-
neunca these words with
Their marriage took place, but not alto
gether quietly. There were two matters
connected with the event, on which they
had a slight difference of opinion at the out
set. All other preliminaries having been
settled. .t
i, Adam, DEAR" said the betrothed, "where
shall we order cur wedding-cake, and whom
shall we send cards to?''
IA wedding cake!' exclaimed Crotch
astcnished. Cards! my dear girl, what de
you want with eitherin
30! we must have them, of course, love,
she replied.
aWhy Of courses" asked the philosopher
2" You are not fond of sweets, neither adj
and the very few friends we are going to yis
it we can write to?'' &r M
But they will expect" urged the young
lady, "our cards and piece of cake
We should consider others, you know Adam
IL /" Yes, my dear, !" said Crotch, /" Of course
we should, but what benefit would anybod,
derive from our sending them mouthful o
plum cakes What is it to eat?-Ther,
would be something in large lump, bu
that would be out Of the question. As I,
4 cards, they are wholly unnecessary. j OBJ
iect to them on principle, as conventional
humbug, dictated by the mere caprice of SO
cisty.s
HStill," pleaded Amelia, " We had bette
do what's usual"