Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1846-04-30
Practical Jokes i'm the Army.
BY C, M. J.

"a clever fellow" 1t is true that Ned was
somewhat given 10 excepting his spirits up by
pouring spirits down." especially when station
ed a, the outpost; but he never would have
been called an Incorporate man.
At The time of my story, the detachment to
which Ned belonged occupied pos, on the
Southwest frontier, and might be said 10 be in
close quarters; as the officers and men, from the
crowded state of the garrison, were reduced TO
less than half allowance of eating and sleeping
room authorized by regulations. To this ar
rangemen, Ned indebted for The society OF
The surgeon of The post, who shared with him
The comforts and convenences Of an apartment
twelve feel square.
The Doctor acluaied by feelings OF regard
for Ned's well-being, (il may have been with
an eye 10 his own quiet and repose.) was in the
habit of administering to him, occasionally
dose Of good advice, and demonstrating with
him on the improperly of staying out late at
night, getting tight" and coming home {" dis
rurbing people after they had gone TO bed," all
of which Ned took very patiently, bu, without
mending his ways The Doctor, finding that
ii was utterly useless 10 appeal TO Ned's sense
Of proprie,y, with the hope of effec,ng change
in his mode of life, began to address him 10 his
fears.
Med" said he, "f you don't stop this frol-
licking, and drinking, and spreeng, you'll get
the dropsy-I know you willard you'll die
in spite of the ID! | tell you, ouce for ALL to
stop it, for if you ge, the dropsy on your chest,
you are gone sucker all the medicine in my
chest won't save you! No, sir, burnt brandy
Won't save you"
The Doctor child in vain-in vain did he
continue TO enumera,e The various cases Of hard
drinking terminating in dropsy that had come
under his observation since he had been mem.
Der Of The Medical Staff Ned was incorrigi-
/ BILE.
! AS the lectures on temperance, and the ter
rible pictures of disease and death, from indul-
gence in strong drink, held up TO his view, were
] of no avail in exciting his fears, the Doctor was
about 10 despair Of effec,ng reform, when il
was brought about, for time in the following
manner.
AS usual, late one night, Ned came home
uery glorious, singing at The top Of his song
with whoop loud enough to "wake up half o
creation. Afler making several lurches toward,
the door, he succeeded in entering, and in the
vain attempt OF disen-cumbering himself Of ;
coat and pair of boots, at the same momen
made pitch forward, and lighted with his heat
against The short ribs of his sleeping. room
mate. The doctors bowels Of compassion wer,
sadly disturbed; however, after venting on tn,
head of his fallen friend few hearty curses
he kindly assisted him in divesling himself o
his mattress.
Next morning. soon as it was light, IN
Doctor possessed himself of the sleepcr's pan
falcons and drawers, and with The assistance c
!, the hospi,able matron, had them neatly take
in about four inches 10 the waist, then que,
replaced them, and lumbed into bed TO awa
the result Half an hour before breakfast (hi
accustomed lime for raisiDg.) Ned slid out c
bed, cooled his copper by long pull at the wa
!, ter Jug, and then commenced the operation {
making his toilet The Doctor, who was lyin
. with one eye open and wad of bed clolhe
stuffed in his mouth by way Of smolhering
desire 10 lsugh-wa,ched closely the dressiD
process going on before him.
"Tis very strange" exclaimed Ned; 81 wor
der what has got in these ID drawers
!. they were large enough yesterday, and now
r can't make them meet! 'Tis no use in tryin
4 Ill hitch lhem to my pants
e Ned then drew on his psn,aoons, and s,raine
e himself TO The utmost TO make them meet os.
n his bread basket, but it was no go---lor vii
J. every effort he only increased the size OF II
!, bunch of shirt tha, "stuek out feet" beiwee
: the buttons and button holes Of the waisiban
Aher exhausling himself in vain attempts