The Evansville journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1834-184?, 1846-03-26
COURTING FOR THE MILLION.
LESSON FOR THE LADIES.
BY JOE. MILLER.

q 81 ~ By JOE. MILLER. sss
Ii you have lover you must seek TO al
tach him to you as much as possible--ior
this purpose you must plan early morning
walks, for the benefit of your health; fore
noon excursions for the purpose Of shopping;
afternoon visits to all Miss Smiths Of your
acquaintance, and be always at home ofesen-
ings; SO that he can have no excuse TO call
eIsewhere-reguire his attendance on all
these occasions, bean cannot be tied in too
hard knot. If you should be SO fortunate
as TO have two lovers, you must exert your
arts to keep them both strong in their attach
ments with this view you must be peculiarly
gracious 10 each when the other is ABSENT
by judicious equipoise of This compensate
ing balance, you may keep them in order for
a long time, so that you may not only have
sttwo Strings to your bow''-but two beaRsto
one string.
If one of your admirers should become
|unruly, treat him with disdain and indiffer-
ence.l IL he should be much disaffected,
prove the extent of your coldaess by eating
ice cream with his. rival
If you have but one adorable, you can test
the thermometer of his admiration by send
ing him on many little errands for you--for
instance, to carry your dear little lap-dog
Fldo in his arms TO the nearest wire works,
mile off, to be fitted with a basket muzzle--
or, bv requiring him 10 stop at Miss Gimp's
the miliuer and bring home your new French
bonnet and feather, which tmust be carried
by hand, and can't be shut up in handbook.
Care must be taken not to heap or overload
him with burdens, as even molasses will get
sour if fermented and sworked.'
Quarrel often with your admirers; il is SO
delightful to skis and make friends" When
a lover pops the question, don't answer, but
faint Immediately, in the most graceful man
ner possible. 1t is by far the most lady-iike
manner of transaciiDg business, besides, you
know silence signifies consent.
Ifyour intended should tax you with your
numerous firtations, let your reply be as sill
ly as possible--''a soft answer iurneth away
wrath.'
If your beau should be on the wrong side
of thirty. do not fail by frequent illusions te
old bachelors, green old age, the venerable
appearance of reverend years, &C., 10 APP
| prise him that you have proper appreciation
Vi tIC ICSprSl uuO ~ itluotOo
let no occasion pass by where you have an
opportunity TO enforce your views; this will
give him a high opinion Of your virtues, as
old age commands respect. If he should
be under % you can edectto consider him a
boy inquire whether he play marbles now
and whether hoop is considered healthy
game. All pesons like TO be thought young
and the verdant youth cannot but appreciates
any compliment to his greenness.
| If you think there is the smallest particle
oil love in your admirers bosom, if he cannot
be induced to show il by gentle means, you
may scoId little, in order 10 make him flare
up-many spark has been 'blowed up in-
to quite a vigorous fame.
II you have a new adorer try and find out
what he is worfh.--if he's rich encourage
him; 1butfif his money sack is empty, 'sgive
him the bag to hold" If he should be rich
IN wealth, you will find souereiga balm, and
you cannot be dollarous, but il his empty
purse is as full of holes as seiye be assured
that his affection will not sshold water.'-Re-
pile. B