Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1846-04-02
From the National Press.
DIALOG UES OF OILY MPUS
BETWEEN THE GoDDEssEs
COLUMBIA AND BRITTANIA.
T Columbia and Brittania meeting.
BIZ LUCIAN, JUNIOR.

Columbia and Brittania meeting.
Brit. Well, miss, / think you might have
> Icurtsied, at least, to your old governess, who
: took such care of you when you were a
!. baby and taught you your letters.
i Col. My dear old lady, did courtsey ;
7 but fear you are getting near-sighted, and
didn't see me.
Brit. Do you call that curtsey?
call it bob Why, you scarcely bent your
knee; and I'd have you to know that peo-
Iple always kneel when they approach me.
Col. You must excuse me; am rather
stiff in the joints.
Brit. Yes, | know that of old. You
were always dsobedient little hussey, and
would have your own way, even when you
couldn't walk without leading strings.
Col. Now, tell you what, old lady,
you must mind how you draw your strokes,
and keep a.civil tongue in your head, or
Brit. Or what? You forward young
mink Keep civil tongue in my head, and
mind how draw my strokes! Why, you
Eimpudent, insoent hussey-you spawn of
IDemocra cy-as the Quarterly says-you
prating gabbler-you American vulture-
you repudiating bastard-you lnsolent, i'll
Iconditioned, ill-begotten trollope- on, you,
you-if didn't value myself on my genti-
lily and refinement, I'd tell you what you
are-that's what would.
Col My dear old gossip, now do keep
yourself cool. ! have put up with more
from you than | ever did from anybody in
the world, and don't wish TO quarrel with
you. know you are bitter old toad, and
have never done me good turn in your
life, if you could help it. You've cheated,
robbed, and insulted me time out of mind {;
but tell you plainly, won't put up with
it any more. shall fly in your face and
scratch you terribly one Of these times, you
Boosting, Dragging, double-faced old hypo-
critic.
Brit Hypocrite Why-why-why-
you atrocious backbiter Don't | go TO
church twice every Sunday, in the face OF
1.-The whole world, and invite everybody TO
come and look at me? Don't | take the
lpart Of all the oppressed, ignorant people IN
the universe and amt the best friend to
the niggers they ever had! Marry, come
up, my dirty cousin. Hypocrite indeed
Don't give more money in public charity
| Col. O, yes; your charity is public
ienough You take care to let all the world
know it. You never hide your candle I'M
der bushel You always let your righ
hand know what your left does, and never
give away guinea without paying another
flor having it chronicled in the newspapers
4 Brit. (.aside.) could scratch the minx's
eyes out, if | only dared. But the great
awkward creature is grown so strong, thai
think it better to coax her little, for fear
of the bowie-knife. My dear; (aloud) you
Ishould have little respect for age. Re-
member, Pm old enough to be your mother.
and wise enough to-to-and all that sort
Of thing.
Col. Yes, and my grandmother, and
Observation-Disclosures. 1t is great
pity some people don't grow wiser as they
grow older.
Brit. Well, moppet, don't be in such a
huff want to talk to you about free trade
and Oregon. Come now, let's have little
sociable hat-about-aboutt the forty-nlnth
degree-come, now, keep cool.
Col. You won't come over me, old lady
as you did aboutthe northeastern bounda-
Try, / can tell you. Pm no godlike man,
but goddess.
BRIT Hah! hah hah a good joke
wasn't it. came CANNON over you there
a little! Hah hah excuse me, for being &
little merry. love good joke above all
things-especially when it's not at my ex-
Pense, Aside
Col. Well, as you say, let's talk over
the matter coolly. Now tell me, honestly
were you not little ashamed of yourself
for claiming what you know you had nc
more right to than the man in the moon
Didn't you blush little?
Brit Oh, mol never blush = excep
for other people.
D Col Well, that's great comfort. Blu
S now tell me, won't you-are you not ut
: tie ashamed of your conduct in India
where-where you know you have klllee
G few hundred thousands and plundered the
rest?
Brit. Oh, that was all sheer phianthro-
: Ply. ] went there to better their conditions
8 to civilize and convert then-and to make
e the poor creatures dance to the sound OF the
British drum and fife. You can't think how