The Columbian fountain., 1846-04-09
For the Columbian Fountain.
RENT AND ANTI-RENT.
A TEMPERANCE STORY.
BY WILLIAM HUNT.

sellers more rent than any other man in
the village. Now, Hezekiah was lover
Of consistency, for he wanted every thing
he did, every thing he said, and every thing
he wore, to be of piece. He had large
rent in his hat, rents in his stockings, (for
his boots refused to pay any rent at all, and
so quilted his feet in disgust magnificent
rent in his coat, while his vest was deci-
dedly "rent'' from top to bottom; and judg-
ing from two suspicious looking rents in
the knees ofhis pantaloons, one would have
naturally inferred that Hezekiah had eyes
in that quarter. But whether he could see
from his knees or not, more than dozen
respectable witnesses can be found who
will testify that he had large rent in his
face between his nose and chin, down which
he daily poured cold water and vast quanti-
ties Of other liquors of more questionable
character. In order to pay for said liquors,
he was in the habit of renting himself out
by the day to the lowest bidder, thus work
ing like horse and spending his money
like an ass. Such being the state of mat
tiers, it was no wonder that Hezekiah be-
came afflicted with several very serious
rents in his character. What an enviable
man! He was always able TO ''defne his
position" Nobody would trust him; no
body believed a word he said, and if any
article was missing, Hezekiah had the full
credit of stealing it. Even poor old COW
that had lost her calf, was one morning seen
to run and smell Hezekiah as he passed
along. ...
But, Notwithstanding all these disad-
vantages, somehow or other, Hezekiah
managed to get married to as pretty and
tidy young damsel as you would wish
to see What he said or what he did
to overcome the scruples of Miss Eloisa,
and induce her to become Mistress Heze-
kiah Borndrunk, with all the appurtenances
and hereditaments belonging thereto, histo-
ry does not inform US; but the marriage was
duly announced in the newspapers, and ev-
body knows the newspapers never lie.
Yes, he got married, and presently three
little creatures, one after the other, all and
singular, the very picture Of Hezekiah, ap-
peared upon the face of this globe, in COM
pliance with the injunction contained in the
first chapter of Genesis in such cases made
and provided (Those girls in the corner
will please stop simpering.)
But how could such a man be happy
Why he couldn't, of course he couldn't
He wasn't happy, nor was his wife happy,
and the perpetual blubberings and squallings
of the three dirty pieces of humanity, that
lay rolling about on the floor, testified that
they were not happy. Yet Mistress B.,
like thousands of other silly girls, thought
Hezekiah would become better man after
marriage, for he solemnly promised to drink
not drop more than "did him good" and
that moderately" But it took great
deal to ado him good" and his ideas of
moderation were extremely liberal. He
was in no sense strict constructionist.
She discovered that love after marriage does
not in all cases make his bed with rainbows
and stuff the pillows with moonbeams; al
so that when drunkenness comes in at the
door, love always flies out of the window
Poor Mistress B. she was become quite a
philosopher. Nothing SO effectually shar-
pens the intellect as starvation; and in the
wretched hut Of Hezekiah there was plenty
of that commodity. But why should
dwell on picture, the original of which
has been seen by every reader.
About this time the Star of Total Absti-
nence had climbed its way up into the
heavens, and one of its bright golden rays
shone upon the desolate hut of Hezekiah
1t was as though voice had said, stake
up thy bed and walk.n Under this new
Influence the scales fell from his ewes. and