davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09
ATlN.PEDJ.ER,s JOKE.

Mynheer Won Speckleburg, was a
portly landlord, six feet in height and
weighing some 300 pounds, who liv-
ed in a Dutch settlement not far
from the great city'of New Amstcr-
dam in the days of the redoubtable
Peter Stuyvesant, Governor Of his
Dutch Maiesty's possessions in A.
merica.-The same Mynheer Won
Speckleburgh was considered the
wit Of the little village in which he
lived; and was proving himself such
whenever traveller stopped at his
door, upon whom he thought there
was a chance of putting joke.
One evening, tin-pedler drove
up to his house and gave directions
to have his team put up for the night.
As he was the first olive yankee"
ever known i'll that region, the bar
room was soon filled with worthy
burghers, anxious to see one Of those
people of whom they had heard so
much.
The old landlord, although he had
heard something of Yankee jokers,
still felt confident in his own powers,
and soon commenced running fire
of Dutch witticisms levelled at the
pedler, who however seemed to take
little notice of them, but sat comfor-
tably whiting a chip in the corner;
after while he looked up and calm
ly surveyed "mine host" seemed to
dwell with much satisfaction on the
old gentleman's abdominal prepon-
derancy, offered to bet sum sufii-
cient to moisten the threats of the
company, that he would swallow the
great Mynheer Won Spcckleburgh,
big belly and all
The bet was accepted, and the
Yankee forthwith proceeded to bu-
siness. He directed the Dutchman
to stretch himself at full length on
an old table standing in the bar
room; this having been done, John,
after opening his mouth several times
so wide as to make the honest land
lord wish he had not been so willing
to bet, ravenously seized the Dutch
mans great toe with his teeth, which
caused him to make furious plunge,
and exclaimed
"Dunder and blixen, vat you bite
my toe for?"
"Why you old GOOSE" said Jona-
than, "you didn't think | was going
to swaller yer whole, did YEP"
Mynheer Won Speckleburgh a
greed to pay the toast and toddy.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

n Happy Mustration.--A gentle
man of an estimable character, and
of no small consequence in his own
eyes, and in the eyes of the public,
employed Mr.. Stuart, to paint his
portrait, and that of his wife, who,
when he married her, was very
rich widow, born the other side of
the Atlantic. This worthy woman
was very homely, while the husband
was handsome, and of a noble figure.
The painter, as usual, made the best
of the lady, but could not make her
so handsome as the husband wished,
and preserve the likeness. He ex-
pressed in polite terms his dissatis
faction, and wished him to try over
again.--The painter did so, and sac
rificed as much OF the Likeness tc
good looks as he possibly could, OIL
ought. Still the complaisant hus.
band was uneasy, and the painter
was teascd from one months end &c
another, to alter it. At length hs
began to fret; and to pacify him
Stuart told him that it was com.
mon remark that wives were rarely
if ever, pleased with pictures Of thei
husbands, unless they are living
ones. On the other side, husbands
were as seldom pleased with thu
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

and witches were hung. And not a
century since the American Revolu-
ton. Before the last period there
were scarce but two classes, lord
and vassal. No man had the right
of private judgment, in any thing
pertaining to religion or politics.
Those who in those good old times
could not agree with the powers that
be, saved themselves from banisll-
ment or their necks from the halter
only by Stacking their tongues and
playing the hypocrite.
Now, a man possessed of the least
independence can do and think as
he pleases. And every one in health
may find employment, and by indus
try and proper attention, may arrive
at pecuniary independence. So
might our fathers; but there was
more work to be done, less pay, and
less means of enjoyment. If they
travelled a journey which now oc-
cupies but "a hours, it required eight
or ten days; and even then attended
with difficulties unthought of now.
Machinery and new discoveries have
Increased our means of enjoyment
and our facilities for acquiring
knowledge, beyond what our sold
times" people ever dreamed Of. In
fact, this always looking back for the
golden age is undemocratic. Every
age has been an iron age, to those
who lived in it. And if there is to
be any golden age, perhaps this is
the very time; and We had better
improve it accordingly.-Rep. Jour.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

Slavery in Virginia.-The Rich
mond Wing has an article upon
the subject of slavery, in which the
domestic institution is condemned.
The following is par, of the argu-
ment, and it will doubtless be deem
ed a very strong part, too: the wri-
ter says he opposes slavery because
"no community can greatly flourish
and prosper where its youth are
brought up in idleness, and sto re-
gard manual labor and the mecllan-
ic trades as dishonorable, because
slaves are employed to do the man.
uel labor Of the community. This
is the great and clinging curse of
slavery! 1t enervates and efemin-
ates the youth Of the republic it
causes them to rely at every turn,
even to the bringing of a pitcher OF
water from the well, or brushing
their shoes, upon negro, instead
of upon themselves: they grow up
worthless in energy, and helpless,
and when their patrimony is squan-
dered, as it is almost sure to be, from
the habits of idleness and extrava-
gance engendered by the existence
of slavery, they become drones here,
or EN- igratc to the west to seek the
fortune they rarely or never find,
and never deserve to find"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09
Prighscucd nj n Gsag.
We have heard a funny story

1
a young fellow, residing in one Of
the tobacco growing counties of
Virginia, who recently made his first
visit to the capital of the cold Do
minion," for the purpose ofselling his
crop, seeing the sights, and rubbing
off some of the rust which his back
woods "fetching up" had thrown
upon his manners.
He reached Richmond about the
middle of the forenoon, and was for
tunate in selling his crop at an adj
vantageou rate and almost immedi-
ately. Meeting with an old school
boy, one who bag lived in the city
long enough to know its ways; he
was advised to take up his lodgings
at Boydens's, the crack house of the
place, and thitner he at once went
with bag and baggage. Just
before dinner his country friend
called upon him, and found him
comfortably located in a room just
at the head of the first stairs. 1t
was closely upon dinner time.
"Supposing we take something to
start an Appetite said the chap
who had "just come down."
"Agreed," rejoined the city friend,
Ga glass of wine and Oitter' Tor
"Let's 90 down to the bar and get
it-dinner's most ready" continued
the tobacco-grower.
awe might as well have it up
here" was the rejoinder.
"Good lick! but Low are we to
call for it?"
"Ring that bell, there"
"What bel ?"
"Pull that rope hanging there"
The young fellow laid hold of the
rope and gave it a jerk, and just at
that moment the gong sounded for
dinner. Never had he heard such
a sound before, and the rumbling
crash came upon his ear with re-
port that stunned him. He stagger-
ed back from the rope, raised both
hands with horror and exclaimed:
"Great Jerusalem, what smash
Tve broke every piece Of crockery
in the house! there amt whole dish
left! you must stick by me, old fell
low" addressing his friend, "don't
leave me in this scrape, for my
whole crop wont half pay the break
age. What did you tell me to touch
that cursed rope for %
But before his friend, who was all
bursting with laughter, could an
swer, a servant entered the room
with
"Did you ring the bell, sir?''
''Bell-no, d-n your bell. |
never touched a bell in my life
what bell? l never saw your
bell"
"Somcbody rung the bell of this
room, that's certain" continued
the servant.
"No, they didn't. There's nobo-
dy here that ever saw BELL" then
turning to his friend he exclaimed,
aside, "lct us lie him out of it; |
shan't have cent left to go home if
| pay the entire damage. What do
they set such rascally traps as that
for, to take in folks from the coun-
try.'
After violent fit of laughter, the
friend was enabled to explain that it
was only the gong sounding for din
ner-a simple summons to "walk
down to soup" got up on the Chi
nese plan. They made their way to
the dining room, but it was some
time before the young tobacco grow
er could get over the stunning and
awful effects of that dreadful gong.
at was God send" he said, "that
the crash did not turn his hair gray
on the spot
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09
ssl., JONATHAN MUGEs AND HIS La
DH.IOvE.
by THOMAS DUNN ENGLISH.
CRAPTER 7.


Let us enter upon our story after
the fashion of the most approved
chroniclers.
The sun had arisen in the east, it
being the spot where he usually
makes his debut for the action Of the
day; the dew that lay upon this
blossom flew to embrace his beams
or ran to the bottom of each flower
cup to get rid of the first gaze; the
cocks of the farm-houses around
Boston gave forth their shrill cry,
and caused considerable sensation
:among the fowls and poultry the
little birds made all kinds Of noises,
tthc most musical of which it would
haze taken most desperate imagin-
.ation to fashion into tune the lit
tie dog who had been shut out the
might before in consequence OF late
hours, opened his eyes, yawned,
,streached himself three times, then
arose, and gazed from his uncomior-
table doorstep at the prospect be-
fore him.--All nature arose, and so
did Genuine Jonathan Mugs.
Genuine Jonathan Mugs was a
versatile and accomplished man.
There was not process in the arts,
from shaving the superauous hair
from his own chin, up TO manufac-
turing artificial teeth, which he
could not perform; there was not a
deed involving the exertion of an
unfettored intellect, ofwhich he telt
incapable.--From the destruction of
a lady's happiness, for Genuine was
beau Of great request at all quilt
ings and hops, Ito the creating and
issuing of love-songs, for lie was al
so poet, he felt himself without a
rival near his throne. He could
stuff bird so clcverly that when
he inserted the glass eyes, a lively
imagination, with a clear day to
back its observation, would perceive
it winking. He would portray a
flower in such q manner that the
painting seemed more natural than
the original. And he was marks
man, too if he pointed his gun at q
bird, the trembling innocent would
fall before he fired or like the coon
of.the great Captain Scott, tell him
if his name was Mugs he would
give up, and come down. ..a.
Genuine owned a seed store in
Boston, and had a garden near the
city. TO the former the ladies were
attracted by his good looks, to the
latter by the beauty of his flowers
Combined with his own attraction:
was an excellent assortment of good.
in his line, so that Genuine had Q
Tremendous run Of custom to the
chagrin and modification of oldcl
established houses. They contendct
that he did not deserve such sue,
cess--the ladies thought differently
Our hero was a fortunate nan; bu
alas he forsook his first love, which
was himself, and took second
which was a woman. .ak sri.
Love, thou hcwitehing passion
Thou newest variety Of Camilla
( grown amid the flowers oflifc. Will
fhvea sxistsass i grcen-house 9
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09
suOKuNG sPlRITUALIzRD.
PARrI.

FART J..
This Indian weed, now wither'd quite.
Tho' green at noon. cut down a, night,
Shows thy decay;
Al flesh is hay.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.
Thi. pipe, ., lily like and weak,
Does thus thy mortal state bespeak.
Thou art cen such,
Gone Sith a touch.
Thus think and smoke tobacco.
And when the smoke nscends on high.
Then thou brhold'sl the vanity
..... OF worldly stuil, .......
Gone with pull.
Thu, think aud smoke tobacco.
And when the pipe grows foul within,
Think on thy soul detilrd with slni
For then the fire
. Il does require.
Thus thlnk, anl smoke tobacco.
And scost the nshrs cast away
Then To- ,hysrlt thou mayrsI say,
That IL the dust
Return thou must.
Thus think, aud smoke tobacco. ..
ell. .... rAur u.
Wa, this small plan, inr thee cut down
So was the plan, Of Great Rcnown,
Which mercy sends
For nobler ends.
Tins think, and smoke tobacco
Doth Juice medicinal proceed
From such a naughty foreign weed
Then what's the power
OF Jes,e's ilowcrl
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.
The promise, like the pipe, mays
And, by the mouth Of faith, conveys
Wha, virtue flaws
From Sharon's Rose.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco
In vain the unlish,ed pipe you blow;
Your pains in outward means ATE so'
Till heavenly fire
Your hearts inspire.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco
The smoke, ike burning incense towers
So Should PRAYING heart yours,
With ardent CRIES,
Surn,oun, the skies.
Thus think aud smoke tobacco.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

OLD Broun Dog.-Who that hrs
ever been in Cincinnati has failed TO
make the acquaintance Of that re-
markable quadruped, the old brown
dog of the post Office, immortalized
by the verse Of Pete Logan? A sim
gnlaf remainder Of times long past
is the old browd dog. He stands
upon his pins with great uncertsiuty
his legs are long and his joints are
large--Gis ribs protrude, dsnoting
age-nnd his head, SCARED ond torn,
tells the tale of many hard-fought
battle; but where are the eyes Of
this same venerable quadruped z
They have retreated far. far into
the sockets; but still, in that OBJ
scurc depth, the old dog has sharp
and discriminating eye Of his own.
At early dawn and at midnight,
summer and winter, this remarkable
animal haunts the post Office win
dow, and neither carresscs nor
kicks can rout lin from his post
hunger alone induces him 10 move
No "pizened sassengcr" car. ,sove
him, though, but no always singles
out a we'll dressed woman, ~ dns
who addresses kind word to linn
and about noon may be seen moving
in her wake, and following her q
her home, whesc he sorges hiu .assii
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

IL persons piR indulge themselves IN the iIthy
habi, Of smoking tobacco. they should at least
turn i, az much as possible TO good account. We
therefore bss leave to commend 10 their attention
she following lines;
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

A tremendous excitement was Gro
ated among grain dealers on Water
street, few days ago, by the APP
pearance Of poor, old, blind white
horse, whose sides were boldly and
significantly marked in large black
characters, "Corn wanted-Inquire
,oithin." 1t appears that the poor
one had found his way to the door Of
store, where waggish young
clerk INDUCED his wit and skill in
the use of his marking pot and pen
Gil. Likely it was good turn, for
we have not since heard of the ex-
hibition, and it may be that the nee
dy one is now stabbed and supplied
with the article wanted.-Peoria
Press.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

The Dead.-How little do wa
think Of the dead--their bodies lie
entombed in all our towns, villages,
and neighborhoods. The lands they
cultivated, the houses they built,
the works OF their hands are always
before our eyes. We ira, el the
same roads, walk the same paths,
sit at the same fre-sides, sleep in
the same rooms, ride in the same
carriages. and dine at the same ta-
bles, and yet seldom remember that
those that once occupied those pla-
ces, are now gone--alas! fore
yer.
Strange that the living should 50
forget the dead, when the world 10
full of the mementoes of their lives.
Strange that the Aeeting cares OF
life should so soon rush in and FIJI
the breast to the exclusion of those
once so near. To-day man stands
and weeps over the grave Of his de-
parted friend. Tomorrow he pass
es that grave with cold indifference.
To-day his heart is wrung with all
the bitterness of anguish for the loss
of one he so much loved /; tomorrow
the image Of that friend is effaced
from his heart and almost forgotten.
What commentary upon man.
Emporium.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09
VOL. VINO. %.

paintings Of their behaved wives, md
gave him very plausible reason for
it. Once the, unluckily both got
out Of temper a, the same time, and
snapped out their frettings accor-
dinghy. At last the painters pa
thence, which had been sometime
threadbare, broke out, when 10
jumped mp, laid down his palette,
took a large pinch Of snuff, and walk
ing rapidly up and down the room,
exclaimed, what - business
is this of a observation-disclosures
bring him a potatoe, and expect he
will paint you a peach
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

Dschargsd!--W. r. Elliott, who
shot VIM. u. Kendall, was discharg-
ed BY the Criminal Court at Wash
ing,on, on Saturday, the Grand Jury
bringing in a prescntment to the eff
feet, that the act was performed in
self-defence. 81
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1846-01-09

1t was midnight. There was quiz
ct on the streets and on the COM
mons. The moon was hidden be-
The Columbian fountain., 1846-05-01
i AM CONSTANTLY RECEIVING
NEW GOODS

7 N my line, and have now in store large stock
| consisting Of
French and English China Dinner, Tea, and Toi-
let Sets
Beautiful Dessert and Supper Sets
Canton China pearl, white, blue stone China an
blue printed and figured Plates
Detached pieces of all kinds
Beautiful Vases, Allumet Holders, Casseroles, Com
potiers, Gard Baskets, Fruit Baskets, Cake
Baskets, Cologne Bottles, &c.
Cut and pressed Tumblers, Wines, Champagnes,
Hook, and Claret
Cut, plain, and colored Decanters
Cut and plain Water Bottles, Finger Bowls, and
Float Bowls
Britannia Coffee and Tea Ware
Casters, Lamps, Candlestcks, Mugs, Covered Pitch
Table and Tea Spoons, Covered Urns, Biggins, &c.
Solar, Lard, and Oil Lamps, Lamp Glasses and
Wicks
Knives and Forks, Walters, Looking glasses, &c.
Stone Ware at factory prices
large assortment of common ware, which will
sell very low, wholesale or retail
G. S. FOWLER, Importer,
Store on 7h-sireet, opposite National Intelhgencer
Office. feb 24-3ta6wif
The Columbian fountain., 1846-05-01
PREPARATORY DEPARTMENT
OF THE
COLUMBIAN COLLEGE, d. G.

COLUMBIAN COItLEOIE, IL. T..
n this School pupils are fitted for adInittance
to the College classes, or for other Objects
Students who are unprepared for entering par
ticular class, may here pursue the requisite stu
dies while those who are not designed for pro-
fesson can select such branches as will suit their
objects in life.
Mr. Thomas w. Tobey, gentleman who is
amply qualified, having passed through collie
giate course, and been engaged for several years
in the business 0finstruction OF will have charge of
the school. His whole time and energies will be
devoted to its interests, and it is hoped it will
thus be rendered worthy of extensive patronage.
This school will be under the constant supern-
tendence of the Faculty Of the College.
COURSE OF STUDY.
Reading, Writing, Arithmetic, Ancient and
Modern Geography, English Grammar, Ancient
and Modern History, Book Keeping, Chemistry,
Natural Philosophy, Astronomy Algebra, ,Geome-
try Surveying, Andrews and Stoddard's Latin
Grammar and Exercises, Sophocles' Greek
Grammar and Exercises, Latin Reader, Caesar,
Virgil, Cicero's Select Orations, the Gospels,
Jacobs Greek Reader, Anthon's ed, and such
authors as are read in the lower classes of the
college, Defamation and Composition.
CHARGES PER aRARTER.
Reading, Writing, and Elementary Arith-
metic $4 90
Arithmetic, Geography, English Gram
mar, Geography Of the Heavens, Anci-
ent and Modern History S 90
Natural Philosophy, Chemistry, Algebra,
Geometry, Surveying, Book Keeping
and Composition 500
Latin and Greek Classics 10 90
Pupils who board and have room in the
College building will be charged for
Library, Room, Bed and Furniture,
per Quarter 90
Table, Lights and Servant, per week 2 IS
At less expensive table, where tea and
coffee are excluded, per week | so
Instruction will be given in French and Ger
man, without additional expense to those who
study the Languages.
There are three vacations in the School four
weeks in August, one at Christmas, and the lst
week in May.
COLLEGE HILL, Jan. l, 1916. jan lin
The Columbian fountain., 1846-05-01

TNRESH GROCERIES.-The subscriber is now
II receiving by packets Statesman and Alexan-
dria, from New York, his Fall and Winter supply
of Family Groceries, making his assortment CON-
pete.
1t is deemed unnecessary to enumerate general
y, butt he will name the following articles, viz
ST Crox, Pot Rico, New Orleans, Muscovado
Sugar in hhds. and bbls.
Loaf Lump, Crushed, Powdered, Brown, and
White Havana Sugars
Sugar.house, st. Croix, and N. /. Syrup
New Orleans, Porto Rico, Sugar-house, st.
Croix, and Trinidad Molasses.
TEAS.
Gunpowder, Imperial, Young Hyson, Skin, and
Black fresh and Of the best quality.
COFFEE. IL.
Mocha, Java, Maracaibo, Laguyra, (yeen and
white,) Rio, st. Catharine's, and AngostuIa
Spices of every description, ground and un-
ground
Catsups in great variety
Sardines and Curry Powder
Fresh Salmon, Lobster, and Clans, Theoretically
sealed
Anchovies, Capers, and Olives
Bakers Kitchens, and others make, Cocoa and
Chocolate
Salad oil of very superior qualify
French and other Mussards
Fish, Mackerel, Tin bbls and kits, (Shad, Salmon
Cod, and Herring
CANDLES-Sperm, Adamanine, Sterine, and
Mould
NUTS-Amonds, Pecan, English and Brazil
FRUITS-Raisins, Currants, Prunes, Figs, Ap.
pies, Cranberries, &c.
CHEESE Sapsago and dairy Cheese
BUTTER-New York and Glades Butter
FLOUR.
go bbls New York, of choice brands
so bbls Virginia. Family, Extra, and Superine
100 packages Buckwheat Flour, New York;
Dat and Cornmea
BACON AND DRIED BEEF.
200 choice Family Hams
1000 lbs. Middliugs
1000 lbs. Shoulders
1000 lbs. fresh Dried Beet
OIL.
1000 gals. Winter Sperm Oil, bleached and un-
bleached
CIGARS.
10000 Cigars, comprising Regalia, La Norma,
Pantilla Cheroots, Lord Byron, Principe, and
other brands
Tobacco, in greatOvariety, plug and hne-cut
chewing
SOAP.
ID boxes fancy Toilet Soap
25 boxes Family Soap
Buckets, Pals, Baskets, Brooms, Brushes, Mats,
&c.
Thankful for liberal share Of patronage from
the citizens Of Washington hitherto he respectful
ly solicits continuance OF the same.
s. HOLMES,
nearly opposite the Patriotic Bank, 7th street.
dec 13-tf
~ IL A q A NJ r,,.,
The Columbian fountain., 1846-05-01
OLIVER WHITTLESEY.

nEALER in Paints, Oils Glass, &c, G. street,
~ Todd's Buildings, Washington, ID. c., has Just
received from the original inventors and sole manu-
facturers, large supply of the genuine
DOric Lamp.
This Lamp is simple in its construction, easily
trimmed, and will give light equal TO twenty
sperm candles, at a cost of one cent an hour.
It's superiority to other lamps consists in the fol-
lowing advantages there is no brass or other metal
that corrodes which comes in contact with the fluid
the external and internal draughts pass through
the body of the lamp, producing more perfect
combustion, and keeps the lamp perfectly COOL 1t
can be used with open doors and will be less affect
ed by wind or currents of air, than any other lamp.
Also, other improved Pine 0il Lamps, Hall
LAMPS and Lanterns, and dealer in Astral and So
lar Shades. Chimnies and Lamp Glasses of all
kinds. Lamp Wick Pure Sperm Oil, M. b. Dyotts 5
a. Could Glass Fount Pine Oil Lamp: all OF
which are offered at wholesale and retail, at the
iotoest prices for cash.
N r. Directions TO be obserued IN using The
PINE OIL LAMPS.
In trimming the Doric Lamp the chimney is FIRST
removed and the Lamp taken out OF the nng, the
button and cone must be next taken on, ana tiie
cone NAV he used for stand to set the lamp on
while uimming--after which the wlck-holder Is
taken out and the wick raised above the tube suil
cient to cut off the black or crused edge, which
should he done with sharp pair OF sclssors--the
wick-hoder is then returned to Its place, and The
wick should be perfectly even with the top OF the
tube--f the Lamp, replace the cone and button,
and il is ready for use.
OTTO avoid accidents, the Lamp should never
be filed while burning. feb 5-H