davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
6GitUt0t6uS.
when may a ScOtchman be call
led Drunk,

"WELL, Doctor, pray give us defni-
ton Of what you consider being fou,
that we may know when a connie Scot
may, with propriety be termed drunk"
~Weh gentlemen" said the Doctor,
"ihat is rather kittle'question to answer,
for YOU must know there is great diver
sity of opinion on the subject. Some
say that man is sober as long as he can
stand upou his legs. An Irish friend Of
mine, Rre-eating, hand drinking captain
Outrageous, ,oRce declared to nae, on his hon.
or as soldier and gentleman, that he
would never allow any friend Of his to be
called drunk till he saw him trying TO
light his pipe at the pump. And others
there be, men of learning and respecti-
bility too, who are Of opinion that man
may consider himself sober as long as he
can lie fiat on his back without holding
on by the ground. For my own part,
am man al moderate opinions, and
would allow that man was fou, without
being just so far gene as any of these.
But, with your leave, gentlemen, I'll tell
you story about the Laird of Bonnie
moon that will be good illustration Of
what i call being fon-"
1.-The Laird Of Bonnieaoon was gae
fond of his bottle-in short, just a poor
drunken body. as said aiore. On one
occasion he was asked to dine with Lord
R, a Reighbor of his, and his Lord
ship being we'll acquainted with the
Laird's dislike to small drinks, ordered a
bottle of sherry Brandy 10 be set before
him after dinner, instead of port, which
he always drank in preference to claret
when nctSisg better was 20 be got. The
Laird thought this fine heartsome stuff,
and on he went filling his glass like the
resi- and telling his cracks, sad ever the
anore he praised his Lordship's Port.
at was a full-bodied wine, and, lay well
on the stomach, not like that poisonous
stuff claret that made body feel as if he
had swallowed nest of puddocks y
We'll, gentlemen, the Laird had finished
one bottle of sherry brandy. or, as his
LordshiR called it, 'his peculiar Port
and had Just tossed off glass of the Sec
ond bottle, which he declared to be, even
better than the first, when has old con-
6denti& servant, Watty, came staving in
10 the room. and making his best bow,
announced that the Laira's horse was at
the door. sGet- cut of that We fause
ioon," cried the Laird, pulling of his wig
and hinging ii at Watty's head Do na
We see, We blethering brute, that I'm just
beginning nay second bottle!'' "But
Maistor," says Watty, scratching his
head, ''its amaisttwal O'Clock" "Well
what though it be - said the Laird, turn
ing up his glass with drunken gravity,
while the rest Of the company were like 10
split their sidesiaughing at him and Wat
~. at Gamma be ony later my man, so
just reach nae nay wig, and let naig bide
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24

a wee" We'll, gentlemen, il was cold
frosty night, and Watty soon tired OF
kicking his heels at the door; so, in
little while, back he comes and says he,
"Maisler, master, It's amaist ane O'Clock!
"Well, Watty,' says the Laird with
hiccup-for he was far gone by tins
time it will never be ony earlier,
Watty, my man, and that's comfort SO
YOU may Jest rest yourself wee whlle
ianger till / finish my bottle. A full bel
" makes a stiff back, you know, Watty.'
WWattv was by this time dancing mad; so,
after waiting another half hour back he
comes in an awful hurry, and says he,
"Laird, as true as death the suns rising"
"Weel, Watty," says the Laird, looking
awful wise. and trying with both his hands
to fill his glass, ''let him rise my man,
let him rise, he has further to gang the
day than aither you or me, Watty.'
"This answer fairly dumfounded poor
Watty, and he gave it up in despair
But at last the bottle was finished; the
Laird was lifted into the saddle; and of
he rode in high glee, thinking all the
time the moon was the sun, and that he
had fine day light for his journey
"Heech, Watty my man," says the Laird
pattlng his stomach and speaking awful
thick, "we're name the worse for the Sec
ond bottle this frosty morning" "Faith'
says Watty, blowing his fingers and
looking as blue as bilberry, "your hon
or is may be name the worse for it, bu,
I'm name the better; wish was. =
Well, on they rode fou cannily, the Laird
gripping hard at the horses name and
/ rolling about like sack of meal; for the
cold air was beginning to make the spirit
tell on him. AT last they came to bit
of brook that crossed the road; and the
Laird's horse, being pretty well used TO
have his own way, stopped short and
put down his head to take drink. This
had the effect TO make the poor Laird
lose his balance, and away he went over
the horse's ears into the very middle of
the brook. The Laird, honest man, had
just sense enough to hear the splash and
know that something was wrong; but he
was so drunk that he did not in the least
suspect ii was himself. "Watty, says
he, sitting up in the middle of the stream
and stammering ont the words with great
difficulty "Watiy my man. there is
surely something tnmbled into the brook
Watty." "Faith You may say that"
replied Watty, like to roll off his horse
with laughing, ''for It's just yourself.
Laird!' ''Hout fe, no Watty," cried
the Laird with hiccup between every
word, "it surely Gamma be me, Watty,
for am herei"
Now, gentlemen, cantinued the Doc
tor, here is case in which | would al
low man to be drunk, although he had
neither lost his speech nor the use Of his
limbs.-The Old Forest Ranger, By
Capt. w. ComPbell.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
HEAR MEDICAL TESTIMONY.

From regular Physician, DR. G S Smith, Sun.
fish, Ohio.
Mr.. j. Kidd-Dear Sir-I have uscd In NV
pactice DIR. M'Lane's American Worm Specific.
'nd have often witnessed its efficacy in expelling
worms from the system. patient Of mine,
short time agp, gave vial Of the Worm Specific
TO child; in short time upwards of sxty-6ve
worms were expelled.
Prepared for the Proprietor fy
JONATHAN KIDD & Co.
Wholesale and Retail Druggists corner Of
4th and Wood sts, Pittsburgh
Also for sale by the following agents
JOHN l.. SNYDER, Somerset,
Hay and Morrison, Lavaasvi!le
X nablc and Vought Centrcvilie,
NJ A. Ross. Petersburgh.
A. Wyatt. SmithAeld,
g. Cook, WeIIersburgh.
n. B. be particular TO ask for Br. Whnne's
American Worm Specific. or Patsat vernifugs.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24

Tmrs paper is published every Tuesday, st 81
per snnum, payable halfyearly in ADVANCE
Ifnot paid within the year, $3.50 will invaria'
bly, be charged.
No subscription takes for less than SIX months
nor can a subscriber discontinue unless at
The option Of the editor, until arrearagesarc
paid of.
AuvErrIsEnENTs viii be inserted at 81 per
square, for the first three insertions, and %
cents for every subsequent insertion: longer
ones ia proportion.
ADvrRrIsENEnrs inserted in the Herald and
Republican, three times, at 81 per square and
50 cents for every other insertion.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
A strange Genius.

The n. Y Globe draws the following
picture Of disciple of ST. Crispin in THAI
city, who takes an occasional jaunt a.
mOng the "Upper Ten Thousand: "A
little cobbler Of the upper part of our ci-
~ rs so anxious to be up in the world,
that he. will work industriously for
several weeks until he has earned some
sixty or eighty dollars, when, renouncing
has apron and last he dons his irst-ra,e
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
gTRAY gT9RRs
Executors s Notice.

Il ETTERS !eslamentary on the es-
L tate of John Christner. late of Elk
lick township, deceased, having been
granted to the subscriber, residing in
said township. all persons indebted 10
said estate are hereby requested 10 attend
at the late residence of the deceased, on
Saturday The 4th day April next. pre-
pared to settle; and those having claims.
10 present them at the same time aud
place, properly authenticated.
ABRAHAM MOUST,
Febl7 ,46.os. Executor.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24

He ioho"lng IL 'iIooslers ue-
scription OF his first sight Of Locomo-
tive, and his adventure consequent there
on.
81 come across through the country,
and struck your railroad, and was plying
il about four knots an hour. Now had
hearn tell oflocmotives, but never dream
ed of seeing one alive and kicking; but
obout two miles from here hearn some
thing coffin, sneezing and laundering, and
| looked around. Sure enough here she
come down after me powin the airth
up and splitting the road wide open
with more smoke and fire a flying than
or'to come out of hundred burning
mountains. There was dozen wagons
iollerin arter her, and to save her tarnal
black, smoky, noisy neck, she could mt
get clear of them. don't know whether
they scared her up or no, but here she
come foaming at the mouth-with her
teeth full of burning red hot Goals, and
she pitched right straight at me al. if she
was going into me like thousand of
brick-I couldn't stand it any longer, so
| wheeled round and broke down the
road, and began to make the gravel fly in
every direction. No sooner had | done
that than she split right after me, and
every Jump made she squ9aled like a
thousand wild cats She began to gain
on me comm up little hill, but we came
round pint TO staightlevcl on the road.
Now thinks |, I'll gin you ginger, as
am great on dead level, so pulled to it
and soon got myself under full speed, and
then she began to yelp and howl and
cough and stamp and come on full chisel.
and made the hui earth shake. But
kept on before, bouncing at the rate Of 20
feet every pop, till | got to a turn of the
road, and was under such full headway
that couldn't turn, so | tumbed head
over heels down bonk by house and
landed with my head and shoulders CO.
smollick into SwW barrel, and my
feet stuck out behind and up in the air!
Just at the time the locomotive found
had got away from it, it commenced spit
ting hot water into me, and Just literaly
spatted it ali ever me. / thought in my
soul Mount Vesuvius had busted some
place in the neighborhood. But do you
suppose stood thero long? No stree
just walked right through that barrel
and come ort the tother end so quick
that it really looked ashamed of itself.
"Now here | am rale propelline
double revolving locomotive Snolly Cos
ter, ready to attack anything but a combi-
nation of Thunder-lightning ng-smoke-rail-
road, iron and hot water
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
G9ettD.
noyE,s EsrBLEnfs.

Loves meetest emblems are the flowers,
The blushing flowers of Spring
Then bring me, dear to charm my hours,
Sweet leaves and blossoms bring.
ask not gems Of costly toys
Their brightest ray is cold;
And ours are simpler, purcr joys,
Than can be won by gold.
The gems endure, the roses fade.
Yet something in the heart
Still tells that Love is best portrayed
BY Nature-not by Art
The dews, that trcmhlc oa the leaf,
But makes its tints appear
More beautiful than ought SO brief.
Except Loves smile and tear
Their odors too, swceter bliss
To soul and soul convey,
Than aught beside the early kiss
OF loves unclouded day.
Then bring me dear, to charm nay hours
Sweet leaves and blossoms bring;
loves meetest emblems are the flowers
The blushing flowers of spring
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24

MI and takes board at the Astor, where
he may be seen strutting about with the
utmost confidence, giving orders like
lord to the servants, and exhibiting him.
self with cigar and opera glass on the As
tor House steps, until his money runs
out, when he again returns to his cobbling
to save enough for another "blow up"
as he calls it.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
Patent Vernifuge.

DR. McLANk's AMERICAN WonM SPxc1RIs
Promptly erpeLs Worms TO an almost TN
credible number!
20 substantiate the above fact many hundreds
N OF testimonials could be adduced, ost of
which the following are selected, from individ-
uals Of standing and veracity. Indeed, il is con-
hdentiy affirmed that each new trial of the pow
ers OF this remedy will have an additional ten
dency to widen and confirm its fame, and that if
It were universally known and diffused over the
United States, 1t would not save less than many
hundreds, If not thousands of lives annually.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
DR. M14Ngs9
CELEBRATED
ER PILLS,

For the cure Of Hepatites or Lirer C0yaDE,;uf
Dyspepsia and Sick Hcad-A Ache.
r. HIS remedy having been for several wear,
ks employed by the proprietor in hrs practce.
on a very large scale in MoaongaIia, Preston
Harrison and Randolph counties. in Virginia. be-
sides several other places, and having been atten
ded with the most happy effects, he has been from
time to time solicited to adopt such course AZ
would give it more extensive circulation. with
view TO lessen the amount of human suffering
Aware of the fact that many useless nostrums
have been palmed upon the public, he hesiated
for several years until thoroughly convinced that
the above medicine, if properly used, would not
fail TO effect cures in great many instances. and
even to alleviate those cases which are quite incu
rabe.
Symptoms of a diseased Lirer.-Pain in the
right side, under the edge of the ribs. increased
on pressure; sometimes the pain is in the left side:
the patient is rarely able 10 lie on the left side:
sometimes the pain is felt under the shoulder
blade, 1t frequently extends to the top of the shoul
der, and Is sometimes mistaken for a rheumatism
IN the right arm. The stomach is affected with
loss of appetite and sickness; the bowels, in gen.
raj, are costive. sometimes altering with lax, the
head IS troubled with pain, accompanied with a
dull, heavy sensation in the back part There il
generally considerable loss of memory, accom-
panied with painful sensation of having 'Icft
undone something which ought to have been
done A slight dry cough is sometimes an atten.
dant The patient complains of WEAKNESS end
debility; he IS easily startled, his feet are cold or
burning and ne complains of prickly sensation
Of the scin; his spirits are low; and aIhouch he
is satisfied that exercise would he beneficial to
him, yet he can scarcely summon M forti,uda
enough to try it. In fact, he distrusts every re-
medy. Several Of the above symptoms attend
the disease, but cases have occurred where few of
them existed, yet examination of the BODY after
death has shown the liver to have been extensive
" deranged.
CERTIFICATES.
This is TO certify, that having been associated
with DIR. NJ Lane in the practice Of medicine for
nearly two and half years, have had MANY
opportunities of Witnessing the good effects 0
his Liver Pills, and believe they have cured and
relieved much larger proportion of the diseases
OF the liver, than | have known cured and re.
lleved by any other course of treatment
Dec. :, 1886. OLIVER MORGAN, MD.
OrOBsERvE-None are genuine without a
fac-simile of the proprietor's signature.
Prepared for the proprietor bv
JONATHAN KIDD & Co.
Wholesale and Retail Druggist, corner Of
4th and Wood Sts Pittsburg. Pa.
They are also sold by the following agents.
John l.. Snyder, Somerset,
Hay & Morrison, Lavansyie,
Knable and Vought Centrevile,
M. A. Ross Petersburgh,
A. Wyatt, Smithfed,
G. Cook, Wellersburgh
n. BIN order that there may be no mistake,
be particular and ask for "Dr. M'Lanes Llvez
Pills.. ljanI346l
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
ALL SURGICAL DISEASES,
PARTICULARLY TO

DISEASES OF THE EYE.
To these branches of his profession
ne has given large share of his atten-
ion for the last twenty-five years, and
he will continue TO devote to them the
experience acquired by constant prac-
tice during that time.
The Hotel for Invaids is not an exper
imenL Its establishment is suggested
not only as necessary TO supply an evi-
dent want in this city, in the entire ab-
sence of any special provision for the
sick, but is warranted also by the success
Of similar institutions at Cincinnati and
New Orleans--the former under the care
Of Drs. Taliaferro. Marshall and Strader
the latter nnder that of DR.. Stone.
The building selected for The purpose
is situated at the corner of Federal and
Robinson streets, in Allegheny city, ad-
joining the city Of Pittsburgh. Il is
commodious and raomy, anl furnished
with all accommodations necessary for
the sick.
Applications for admission TO be made
10 the subscribers. at their office ON Penn
street. Pittsburgh. or al the establishment.
0No contagious diseases will he ads
mitted. ]. r. SPEER, Nj. ID.
j. s. KUHN, NJ. D..
February rs, ls45.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
Gf1e Celestial sabbath.

TRANSLATED FROM TIE RUSSIAN
The golden palace Of my God,
Towering above the clouds see,
Beyond the cherub's bright abode,
Higher than angels thoughts can be-
How can l in those courts appear,
Without wedding garment on'
Conduct me, thou Life-giver there
Conduct me to thy glorious thronel
And ciOthe me with thy robes OF light,
Andload me through sins darksome night
Ny Saviour aad nay God!
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
DWELLLNG HOUSE.

partly stone and partly frame, commodls
Gus stabling and other oui-buidings.
The location of this property being
one mile from the town Of Somerfeld,
abounding in wood and Stone coal; ha-
wing Sac Mil and GriSf nil adjacent
thereto and plenty of water remaining
through The land, renders il an important
and valuable situation for any kind of bu-
siness. The premises have been for
long time occupied as a Tavern Stand.
The stand is admirably adapted for the
accommodation Of all kinds Of Drores.
Persons desirous of purchasing the
property, are requested to call on Josh
ia b. Howell and E. P. Oliphant, Of u
niontown, Pa, who will give every in
formation desired. concerning said pro-
perty. Howell & OLIPHANT,
Attorneys Of A G Cole, of Bali.
iuly22 Asst
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
Merchant Tailor, Wood ST, Pittsburgh.

Some two months ago purchased vial ef Dr.
M'Lanes American Worm Specific. gaveh boy
of mine most Of a vial; he passed fortyj very
large worms. From that time his health irnpro-
we'd very much. | had tired two other Vermifuees
to no purpose. believe DR., VI Lanes the best
article before the public. d. CALHOUN.
Mifflin township, Allegheny county.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
HOTEL FOR IN VALEDS
AT PITTSBURGH.
Drs. speer and Kuhn.

TSHE object of this establishment is
n to supply want greatly felt by re-
spectacle travellers on our western high
ways-by residents. without family, ia
ken sick-and by patients from the sur
rounding towns and country who resort
to this place for relief from surgical and
other diseases. Such have often suffered
from the want Of the various comforts
and attentions so necessary and agreeable
TO the sick, and from careless and un-
faithful nurses; and been subjected TO
heavy and unreasonable charges.
lnvalids will here be provided with
constant, faithful and comfortable atten-
dance, snd at rate much below the usu-
al charges.
While the care of both physicians will
be extended to every variety of disease,
il is intended by DR.. Speer, TO give spe-
cial attention 10
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
Notice.

TvHE co-partnership heretofore -,
il isting between the subscr;bsrs -
der the firm of BENFORD q S,M
NER, having been dissolved bv mn,na,
consent, the books, notes, &c ha"n
been placed in the hands of Cyrus r. %
ford, one of the partners. for collee;0n.
with whom all persons indebted are re-
quesled to call without delay and settle
as he intends going to The west early in
the spring. The business of merchan.
dizing will be continued by Michael A.
Sanner. at the old stand, where he will
continue 10 sell goods on accommodating
terms, as heretofore.
CYRUS BENFORD.
MICHAEL A. SANNER,
Somerset, March s, '46.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
CERTIFICATES.

do certify that vial of DR.. M'Lane's Amerf
can Worm Specific expelled five hundred and two
whole worms and pieces that would have made
sixty more, from boy of John LewelIig, which.
if laid in straight line, would have mos, probablv
measured the enormous length of one bundrer
yards. JOSIAH JACKSON, owner of Wate.
Forge, and other works, MonOngalia county, ,yso
This is to certify that purchased from Holmes
& Kidd vial of DR.. MLane's American Worm
Specific, and gave two doses TO boy of mine
about three years years Of age. He passed fully
half pint of worms. The quantity was so large
was really alarmed, and called in several of nv
neighbors to see them. Had this story been re-
lated to me, could nut have credited il, without
being an eyewitness TO the same. MY child's
health improved much after.
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
WQAD0BAR
R q a. ESGa
FOR SALE.

late the property of Jacob Probasco and
John Baker, Esq, on the National Road,
in Henry Clay township, Fayette coun.
ty, Pa, and one mile west of the village
OF Some:6eld in Somerset county, TO
gether with the appurtenances thereunto
belonging. This property consists Of
about one hundred and ffty-three acres
of land, greater portion Of which is
cleared and under cultivation and in mea.
dow. The buildings consist OF large
and convenient
The Somerset herald and farmers' and mechanics' register. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 183?-1852, 1846-03-24
Chased by a Locomotive.

The following is "Hoosier's" de-
scription of his first sight Of Locomo-
tive, and his adventure consequent there