The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1846-04-16
r From the Saturday Emporium.
ETHAN SPIKES FIRST AND LAST
.t@l VISIT TO PORTLAND.

ra 4rr From the Saturday Emporium.
ETHAN SPIKES FIRST AND LAST
.t41 VISIT TO PORTLAND.
"PoRrLANp is the all darndest place
ever seed. was down there in '33, to see
a little about my goin' TO the legislator, and
such rum time as had you never heer'd
tell on. Did ever tell you about the ice
cream scrape had?"
We answered in the negative, and he
resumed.
"Wall, I'd bin down thar, two or three
days, pokin' about in every hole, an tho't I'D
seed every thing there was to be seed; but
one day, toward sun-dOwn, was goin' by a
shop in Mddle-street, that looked wonder
fully slick--all manner of candy an per-
permnts, an jessaminls, and what nols, al
the windows. An there war gns with
goold letters on to them, hangin' round the
door, telin' how they sold Soda, Mead and
an ice cream thar. says to myself, | have
heerin' good deal about this ere ice cream,
an now III be darn'd if wont see what
they're made on. So puts my hands into
my pockets an walked in kinder careless,
and says to chap slandin' behind the coun-
ter
"Do you keep any ice cream heref"
"Yes, SIR says he, " how much'll you
have?"
al considered mint on, says I-pint,
sir.n
Tho young fsller's face swelled out, an
he liked to have laughed right out, but arter
a while he asked
Did you say pint, sra"
'Sartin, says Il; but p'raps yeu don't mind
takin' quart
"Wall, don't you think the fellor snorted
right out. Tell yer what, it made me feel
sort o'pisen, an gave him a look that
made him look sober in about a mint, and
when clenchsd my fist and looked SO a,
him, (here Mr.. Spike favored us with most
.diabolical expression) he hauled his horns
about the quickest, and handed me pint Of
the stuff as perite as could be. Wal, |
tasted a mouthful Of it, and it was cool us the
north side of Bethel hill in January. I'd
halfa mind 10 spit it out, but jest then | seed
the confecioner chap grinning behind the
door, which riz my spunk. Gall smash ii
all, thinks |, l'll not let that white livered
monkey think Pm afear'd-I'l eat the darn'd
stuff, if it freezes my inards. tell you what,
I'd rather skn'd bear, or whip'd wild Cat,
but | went it. lsit the whole in about a
mint
Wal, in about quarter Of an hour,
began to feel kinder gripy abou. here con-
,inued Ethan, pointing 20 the lower part Ct
his stomach, and kept on feelin' no better
very fast, till at last it soem'd as if I'd got
steam ingen sawn shingles in me. | sot
down on cheer and bent myself up like a
nut-cracker, thinkin' I'd grin and bear it;
but l couldn't set still twisted and
squirm'd about like an angle worm ON a
hook, till al last the chap that gin me the
cream, who had been lookin' OH sIikerin
says to me
Mister says he, what ails yer?
'Ails mel says |, that ere darned stuff
Of your'n is frcezin' up my davligh,s,' says I.
"Yon eat too much,' says he.
Il tell yer didn't scream'd I. Il know
what's a'nuf, and what's toe much, without,
sskin' you, an if you don't leave off snicker-
in I'll spile your face
He cotloned right down, and. said he
didn't mean any hurt, and asked me if l
hadn't better take some gin. told him
would. So took a purity good horn and
left the shop.
AFTER | got, OUT continued Ethan, p" !
felt better for mint or so, but hadn't gone
FUR afore the gripes took me agn, so went
into another shop and took some more gin;
then sol down on the State House steps
and there | sot and sot, but didn't feel "A
darnd mite better. | begun to think was
going to kick the bucket, and then thought
Of father and mother and Of old Splnker-
that's fathers hoss--and when | though,
should never see'em agiu, fairly blubhered.
But then happcned to look up an sec !
dozen boys grimm an lain at me, tell you
what it riz my dander--hat bad got down !
below ncro---rite up agn. ! sprung at en-
like a wild cpt, l,olerin' out that I'd shake
their tarnal gizzards out. and the way the
little devils scampered was n caution 10 no
body. But after the excitement Of the race
was over, ] felt WINS again, and couldn't
help grospin' an screechih as | went along. |,