The Columbian fountain., 1846-04-10
THE WAY IT WORKS.
OR, THE WHITE SWELLING

| OR, THE WHITE SWELLING
An old sea Captain the other day, told
us that he could discover as soon IS a crew
came on board ship, where they had stop
ped on shore. If you see man come on
board with one shirt, an old jacket and
trowsers, with no stores, he has boarded
at rum shop; on the other hand, you find
those who stop at the temperance board
ing houses, will come on board with good
clothes and plenty of them, and plenty of
good stores.
had crew shipped for voyage not
long since, and after they came on board,
the following conversation was heard be-
tween two old salts
Blister my timbers, Bill, where have you
had your hulk moored since the last cruise.
foryou look as though you had been strand
ed on the Barbary coast, and fallen in with
the Algerines, and stripped of all your
standing riggin, and left the hull bare. How
is it, my boy?
Well Jack, said Bill, after twisting an old
quid backwards and forwards for some time,
and viewing Jack from. stem to stern, ri
tell you: have been stranded -and-but
avast there, must begin at the beginning
and not in the middle. You know, Jack,
it's three weeks and three days since came
off of nine months voyage. We were paid
Oft, and cast anchor with old - in
-- street. ! got drunk the first night
and the old scoundrel took my money for
safe keeping; and faith he's kept it safe
enough, for I've not seen a cent since, and
here am shipped by him and sent off with
out any spare riggin, or shot in the lock-
| er ...
Here saw the big tear start in the eye
of that old sailor, who would have scorned
the idea of shedding tear when in the
hour of the greatest danger. But says he,
! brushing the tear from his cheek, Jack, |
feel ashamed to come on board of this ship,
looking as do; but tell me, Jack, how is
it that you look so trim?
Well Bill, IIl tell you; you have heard
the story of old Mike, about the white
swelling he was afflicted with.
No, Jack, never knew that old Mike
ever had any swelling, except a swelled
head, the same as have now.
Now you must know, old Mike had been
hard old case like the rest of US, and some
one got hold of him and told him about this
cold water system, and wanted him to try
one year and see how it would work. But
old Mike was hard to convince that he
could do as well on cold water, as he could
on grog. But he at last agreed to stop his
grog for one year, as an experiment, and
signed articles to that effect. After he had
tried it for. while, he found that he did
feel better, but his old shipmates used to
laugh at him and jeer him good bit. Old
Mike didn't mind that, so his landlord-but
hark, Bill, don't call them landIo,ds,n
any more, they are land devils, that's what
they are. His old landlord saw him com
ing in one day, after the year was nearly
expired, and he had just come off a cruise.
He thought he would make an attack
upon him, and hold out false lights for him
to enter the quick sands; but old Mike had
put himself IN trim, and was prepared for
what might belall him on the coast So on
coming up, he was hailed by old Blue Nose
with "well my old boy, how are you
what will you drink zounds old Mike,
| have never seen you look better in my
life How have you been ?" and all these
sort of questions were asked in less time
than it takes me to tell it. At last old |
Mike got chance to answer He told
him he had been well, and never enjoyed
his health better, but one thing afflicted
him. What's that" cried Blue Nose =
" Why" said Mike, " have got what they
call white swelling on one side of me,
(hoIding his hand on his breeches pocket) |
!" It's Just what expected said old Blue
Nose, "that's come from drinking cold wa
teri never knew it to fail; and if you
don't quit, and take to your grog again,
you'll have another on the other side
Come now, take drink" "Avast there,
hold on bit; its just what Pm 'fraid on
myself" said Mike, 'sand if its the same
size and color of this, quilting out bag of
the hard stuff ] don't care how soon it
comes. See here, old boy, you've got ma
ny dollar from me in times gone by, but
shiver in my back-stay if you ever get ano-
ther. Before the last cruise, signed pa
per not to drink for a year and day, and
/ find that has worked so well, that Pve
just shipped for life, and day after SO
good bye.
Pledge and Standard.
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