Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1846-02-05
From the New York esprit"
CHARLES O'MALLEY'S LAST.

Dear P.-I want, during the winter, to
indite something for your columns-per-
haps will do it soon. Did you ever hear
Charles O'Malley's last? LEVER, it is said,
tells it at dinner as being in the book, where,
however, you will look for it in vain. 1t is
very good.
''Charles,' says Lever; ':was out one day
on duty, and returning late in the evening,
as he reached the front of his tent, looking
in, he saw Micky Free sitting on camp
stool, elbows on knees, and head bowed
between Ills hands; and at the moment Ella
culating, in a regretful tone, why the divil
didn't take it cowld2' O'Malley's step
was arrested by the mournful tones of his
voice; and in moment more Micky groan-
ed again, why the divil didn't take it
cowld?' O'Malley entered, and inquired Of
his man what was the matter, to which
Mick seemed rather unwilling to reply; but
on his masters insisting upon knowing why
he so much regretted not taking it cowzd,
and what it was he ought to have taken, and
wished he had taken with diminution of Ca
Iloric? Mick, with profound groan, an
sWered thus:
"Masther Charles, had quare dhrame
dhramed died and whit to the divil--a
wide road that same is, and travelled by
purity number of Irishmen. Whin whit i'll
met the divi at the door, and a might
plisant, well-dressed, pilte ginteman, he
was entirely. And he thrated me very kind
ly too; and afther he had gone round wild
me, and shewn me all his apartments, and
the comfatable quarthers intinded for mesell,
he TUX me into his private sitting room, and
asked me would take safe. So took a
safe, and mighty soon began to feel intire-
ly at home, for he was mighty pilite. So
afther we had been sitting while, he asked
me, would take something to drink; and
| tould him, many thanks to him for thai
same, that would. And he asked me would
take it hot, or would take it cowld, and
| ! told him if it was all one to his Meiestv
I'd take it hot. So he stirred about and
mixed up the materials, the lemon, and the
sugar, and the ould poteen, (be dad, thinks
! |, wonder where did you get that same
down here , and thin he stepped out Of the
doore afther the hot water; and in small
space Of time he comes back wild the hot
water in his fist, and Jst as he was porting
it into the jug, be dad, walked up; and
thought what divil of a pity it was didn't
take it could. Ever yours.
SQUEEZING A LADY's HAND.-An ex-
change paper says: 1t is but lately that
we understood the strange constructions
that are put upon a squeeze of the hand
With some it is entirely equivalent to de-
claraton Of love; this is very surprising, in
deed Must we take hold of a lady's hand
like hot potatoe; afraid of giving it a
squeeze, lest we should burn our fingers?
Very fine, truly! Now it has been our an
cient custom to squeeze every hand that we
get in our clutches, especially fair one
Is it not wonder that we have never been
sued for breach of promise We would
not give rusty nail for one of your cold
formal shakes Of the hand Every person
who extends one or two fingers for your
touch, as if he were afraid of catching some
cutaneous distemper, ought to be kicked.
The ladies may rest assured, that man
who will not squeeze their hand when he
gets hold of it, does not deserve to have
hand in his possession, and that he has a
heart seven hundred and forty-nine times
smaller than grain of mustard seed.