Wisconsin herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1846-1849, 1846-08-08
Fsom The ~. o. DeA0.
The Georgia Major.
A SERIES OF "sAws."


losopher-no matter whether Roman
or not, he was a philosopher-that il
takes all sorts of people to make q
world; and he might have added, that
the world is but indifferently made up
at that. Some are made to sac, others
are made to be sawed, and in fact of
these two classes are the world COM
posed-from princes to pirates-irom
diplomists to handles, which is but an
other name for biped donkeys. Some
never gave fear resting place under
their vest: others are fearfully and
wonderfully made that is they are
afraid of every body, and wonder al
every thing. To this latter class does
our hero belong, who was the victim
of series of keen-cutting saws during
the recent passage of the steamboat
Fashion from Brazos st. Jago TO Mo-
bile-all of which proves to US that
while the world wags there will be
wags in the world. But to our story.
On board the Fashion, on the trip
already alluded to, was promiscuous
kind of "a crowd, including the delega-
ton from our Legislature, who visited
Matamoros-U. S. officers, coming to
recruit men, and men coming TO re-
cruit their health. But the observed
of all observers, was live Georgia
Major, from Jasper county, named
Simms, who, from some unaccountable
arrangement of the nervous system,
could be made to without
an fort Of persuasion-that Luna is
..ade of coagulated miIk-vulgarly
called green cheese. The boys soon
found him out and set their saws to
work. A brig-a Boston brig was
discovered in the distance. They at
once decided that she was a long, low,
black schooner-that she was pirate
Of the Gulf-and between them they
had as many stories of blood and muir.
der, deaths head and cross bones
black flags and walking the plank, as
would make decent addition of the
Pirates Own Book" Maj Simms'
nerves were worked up to a high pitch
Of excitement. They told him to have
courage that they meant to sell their
lives dear. He replied that he could
not have courage, that he had father
and mother, wife and four children
one at the breast-at home in Jasper
county Georgia! AS for selling his
| life dear, he should prefer not bring
ing it into market at all for the present.
They all armed to repel the attack Of
the pirate, and he tremblingly de-
clined having any hand in it-he was
but passenger and could not BY the
laws of Jasper county, Georgia, be
compelled to take up arms out of the
State;' so down he ran and locked
himself up in his berth. AS the brig
passed by they cut up deuced fuss
generally on deck and let off shot
from the small cannon, after which
they gave three cheers that made the
welkin ringa One of them went
down to Seth Simms, militia Major of
Jasper county, Georgia, and told him
that they had beat off the pirates--for
doing which he told them they were
thunderin' smart fellers, and that ev-
cry man Of them might consider that
he owed them drink when they got
to New Orleans.
Shortly after this, Major Simms
went up to an officer of the U. S. Ar
my who was standing on the iorecas-
tie, and seemed wrapt up in deep
reverie. well, capting,' said Major
Simms, 'what do you think of this ere
boatP Il Think says the captain
that it is all up with US and that il
will be shortly all down with her: heI
keel has been cat through with the
worms and she is now springing Q
leak
You don't say SO, Gaping, do your
said Major Simms, his hair standing
on end like quilts on fretful porcu-
pine"
4 do though, said the captain, ego
see, and convince YOURSELF
oh capting,' said Major Simns,
what UiH father and mother, my
wife and four children-one Of them
at the breast-do at home in Jasper
county, Georgia, if I'm drowned?'-
lie ran to the captain of the boat
Gaping, do TELL said he, SIS this boat
in leaky conditions'
i 80 much said the captain, that il
it continues we can't bold out much
longer and having had, unknown tc
!, the Major, the plug removed from
xr knro .Lo nof1 uafar - axi~,,.ttol -,