Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1846-03-26


To Ebenezer Pr,ne, grocer AMI general dealer,
Of The toi0n Of .NimSkuH.
DEAR EBENEzER:- Your letter came to hand.
There no fear of that. No letter that showed
a man to be fool, yet miscarried And a
pretty noodle your bit Of foolscap paints you.-
What! you're glad there's some talk of war.
You're delighted to find we've much blood in
us? Blood, indeed! What business has any de-
cent Christian with blood, unless in the way
Of black puddings'
Well, at your time of life, didn't think you
could have had the war fever so strong upon you .
And yet it only makes out notion Of mine. You
NAV begin with boys and lads, and teach them
what is right and straight but it's plaguy hard to
take the twist and crank out of you respectable
mddle-aged Solomons that ioiU be fools, and still
think you're so very wise, only because you're
fools with grave face. You say, the whole town
of Numskull is ripe for war. Is it: 'Twould
serve it right just to have one mornings relish of
it. The mayor, you say, is very hot for glory, and
the mayoress and her daughters dying to see the
whole town in regimentals. If the thing could be
done, should like to have Numskull beseiged, and
the Mayors house particularly well peppered.-
'Twould be a nice holiday, capital sight for the
rest Of all England. think | could arrange very
pretty days amusement
Let me see: we will begin about seven O'Clock
in the morning. The mayor is yet in his bed, ly-
ing on his back, twiddling his thumbs, and count
ing over his virtues. Withholding crash A
SHELTERED by the Yankee artlllery-(they landed
last night from the Pennsy vanian frlgate) falls
through the root-through floor and floor carries
away, never minding the mayoress's screams
half the state tester, leaving the mayor and his
wife unhurt-bu still falling through dining-room
and parlour-and intent upon doing Its worst, de-
scending into the cellar, and finally dropping into
pipe Of the very best beeswing port just going to
be bottled. Now, this bomb we'll suppose to be
the first sugar-plum of war.
The mayor jumps out Of bed, thinking of hi
moneyboX, his pIate his bonds his pipe of port
and his wife and daughters The lady nayores
screams lke-no can't think of nothing stronge
like woman! And then her five daughters, al
in their bed-gowns and curI-papers, rushing il
scream, too, to show the tenderness and weakness
of their womanhood. Now, Ebenezer, arn't a.
these creatures pretty hypocrites?
If the women were resolutely to take the matte
in hand, they might put an end to war all over tn
world. And they ought to do it 'twould be tn
prelest feather in the prettiest cap they could wei
thai feather they might sport to their honor an
glory. But contend that its womens own wol
what they call her mission" if properly unde
stood. Let me explain.
Here's baby born. little, helpless, cryir
thing that's made a love of from the first minute
and bringing, who shall say, what heap Of 10y
with 1.-THE thing becoming in very little tin
such a treasure, that the bank OF England wouldl
be taken for it. And this thing that there's be-
such fear and such hope about, and such u lot
love --Wlth us nrst tooth, aud ITS measles, ana
running alone and It's teaching i. to kneel up
mother lap and say the Lords Frayer-ths bic
sed thing has only been born, and nursed, a
taught, to be cut into with the broadsword, or bo'
to pieces with cannon shot. Is it Chrstlan-llke
is 1t even senslbeto raise children to do and s.
fer such devils work? Depend upon it, if won
knew their true dignity, It's called, they would
suffer it. No; they'd think better OF what tn
were meant tor, and wouldn't bear children for b
lets and bayonets. Some OF these days, Ebenez
they may think Of these things but at present
woman will run after gunpowdcr, just as puss v
run after vaeran.
But let me come back--tor I've wandered a lC
way-to the seige Of Numskull, Just TO let you
the beauties OF war Well, the mayor, and
wife and daughters, are all embracing one anot
in the bedroom, when bang comes another sh
and blows away Mara and Louisa young pre-
things, that never did harm to anybody Into
next world. Bang--bang the shells! Or
goes the house, and the mayor and his wife,
three daughters, scramble down stairs, and hid
the cellar.
Now, Mr. Mayor was great man Tor war,
all its glory Yes when full Of his best port
would give his avorite toast" A speedy war
soon~ And wherefore? The purpe-faced
blockhead knew nothing of war but It's outside
cry, The regimental band, the flies and dr.
made him feel strong Samson-but then
never had boInb-shes drop through his house,
his helpless children slaughtered under his c
How very differently does he now-squatted