Boon's Lick times. [volume] (Fayette, Mo.) 1840-1848, 1845-03-15
SHORT PATENT SERMON


SHORT PATENT SERMON
The following, lines, by. Lucy, viii compose
my text for this occasion: = ',-a. t.-''
How diAidenl the beadx have grown, .. !
In fact they're perfect chnrls; -,
Such shameful coIdnes, now is shown,
They never squeeze. the girls. ~, -
But females have devised pIan,c =. .
In lieu of these cold elves,
They now 70 shame upon you man)
- With corsets squeeze themselves
My hearers-A poor excuse rs generally
acknowledged to be better, than none; bot the
excuse that Lucy gives. for girls making insects
Of themselves, is almostioo weak to"bear Up the
weight Of serious consideration. If the girls
suppose that our young men have grown 50 selfish
and churly as to care nothing about gring them
an occasional afectionae squeeze they surely
must be ignorant Of the rasure Or these bipeds
They may not Squeeze so much nor so often as
the fair Candidates TOR being squeezed might wtsR,
for the good reason that the latter too frequently
love to tantaize a poor: fellow by throwing oAt
special invitations, and then run away for the
sake Of being run after. Gnt--nny fiep9s, Just
fgve young chap q fair chance att pretty sirf,
81,
,,,her tl"h paenrbe screw: was put 10 her, ri
forego my faith in all uecherical operations. j
belong to the masculine, gender myself and,
know something a5outlhis matter by experience It.
am perfect steel trap in my way. ,Let,a
female Just rub against. my breast, pin, with
fond look in her eye, and my arms don't remain
| inspiring for more thar half d moWent a. the
longest. 1t is all notsehsp cor the girls to con
plain. Of not being sufficiently squeezed If they
wonId put themselves in the way Of being d6iidIy
pressed, they wouldn't have.to wait long for the
qualification Of their desires This is thecase in
! the town where ! belong and have no doubt
It's the same all the worldover,.
My dear g'rls-l like 10 see small waist as
we'll as any body; and females with hour glass
shapes always suit my fancy much better than
your DUTCH churn, soap barrel, slab sided sort Of
! figures: but don't want the credit given to cor
sets. To nature, and TO nature alone, belongs
all the praise, In sooth, lovely gis,. that por
ton of your fair persons which you are the most
apt TO torture, is the most tender, and YOU can
never NEEDLE with it with impunty 1t is Of
VITAL importance thati should remain exactly
as the God OF nature has formed It. By suueez
Ingyour vast into an unnatpraIly small eircum.
ference, you compress your lives into The narrow
compass OF a few short years--you doi'tgve
the beloyeses your bosoms chance 10 blow,
and keep. bright the famas OF existsnc6-lhe
warm glow Of health soon leaves your checks
or flashes BY Gas and starts. like a half choked
gas burner: your eyes ina short time:cease &c
sparkle with Joy and love-your roses Dr. 4eqty
quickly fade. and fall-you look as dull and
worn out as an old moon in the morning, and
pale and sickIy as sunlight strained through
the windows Of a Catholic cathedral. Nuw,'my
Interesting young creaturesses.e Uhatdo you sair
by all your sell squse zingt You improve i
appearance, as you think lone part Of yourpNsct
|, to the detIiment Of anoher-ata sacrifice o
health,r-and those roseate charms that. bloon
Upon your youthful ealures--snd the face Ger
Iainly is the most attractive paTt, of the leusa
form divine. = 80.
My dearly beloved and interesting, your
females-it is cabsurd fUr.yQu TO, Ge(spG ho Ugh
lacing system with the plea that ypu arr no
sufficiently squeezed by the b,auxE for tetl
believe, that. were lheyro hog you every day wit
astreugh Of affection equal 10 (orty. horse power
you would lace ust as: highland psrhap
Tighter. The only good excuse yousc can offer
this most, and | may say all, young men sd
luire small and delicate waist-espec whe
based upon broad and solid foundation; anC
! as il is in accordance with your Daturesuo. "stud
: to piease,", it must be expected that great sacr
fees will be made 10 merit their appreciation
The principal fault and blame, therefore, beIon
TO them, while the weakness and folly are your
k AS far as my taste is concerned, however car
g say that am liable TO be fascinated with tho
y dyspepGc misses from whose systems the cru
r corse,s seep 10 have pressed almost every pa
!, ticle of HE, 'vigor and animation. No--gvs n,
1t the plump, mellow, juicy, untinkerd by u
young maiden, fresh, as it were, from the hat
Of Nature, as blooming and as fragrant as Il
: wild flower, moisened with the dews Of taornin
q. That the sort l. like; and very much dou
p, if there is a husband in the land Of the livii
5, but will approve Of my choice, s.. -
BY Dear grls--lf you would ut'foilow the sill
pie dictates of nature, wilhoA resort to art
d i1ickery, Just as many marriages as new .ocQ
:, would takS place, and far more. happy. T
J, IN trsps. that you set are apt to deceive only
y tsn1rle and foolish, while the more knowi