Sunbury American and Shamokin journal. [volume] (Sunbury, Northumberland Co., Pa.) 1840-1848, 1845-09-06


were several crumbs on the carpet.
These things call for Improvement observed
Mr.. Swallow.
The servant hasn't been here this morning.
observed Mrs Swallow
Servant returned Solomon, Il discharged
her yesterday. Yon don't think can afford to
keep n servant and wife too!'
The lady was again posed, and she said no.
thing, but the day wore to its close before she
could bring herself to believe that Mr. Swal.
low had actually made use ofthe words servant
and wife in The same sentence.
The next morning, at six o'clock, Mr.. Swal-
low again informed his wife that it was time to
get up, coupling the remark with the sugges-
ton that in future she mus, save him the trou-
bic of reminding her of so necessary duty.
Mrs. Swallow, however, benefited nothing
by this soft iusinuaton, for at that moment she
either was or pretended TO be, fast locked in the
arms of Morpheus.
Don't you hear, Mrs. Swallow p quo,h SO.
omon.
But alas ! slightly conscious snore was the
only response from Mrs. Swallow
Now this was ticklish pon, with Solomon,
but he was prepared for it. what says my
system on this head = he said to himself mu.
singly. IT says that lazy wife who lays abed
in the morning, may he prof'ably reminded of
her duty by the iudicious application of corcou
pin And this magnificent idea had scarcely
crossed the threshold of his brain, than he in
serted the point OF huge pin into the right arm
of the sleeper. As might be expected, the in
tended effect instantly followed the cause, for
the astonshed Mrs. Swallow sprang from her
bed as though she had been thrown from it by
s,rikingy manifested, for she not only al but
annihilated poor Solomon in rolling over him.
but she dashed his patent lever from the nail
which suspended it to the wall, and broke the d.
al into thousand pieces.
what dreadful dream +" calculated Mrs
Swallow, pressing her left hand on her wound.
ed arm.
'Wha. dreadful real'y,' shouted Mr. Swal-
lo", contemplating 'ne lIdHHc runs ol MS ue-
molishcd time.piece.
Here we pass over the interval between this
occurrence and the time The happy pair in ques-
ton were seated at breakfast.
Now, Mrs Swallow, said Solomon, "sceing
that can't always be awake IN the morning, or
eat burnt toast, or drink raw tea, &c. it is time
began to instruct you in your duties =
And what are those, Mr. Swallow =
BE silent, madam. if you please; not Ia
talk. but listen, is one o: the most important OF
them
Proceed, sir
And Mr.. Swallow, looking dacgers at her
for the second interruption, proceeded
From six 10 eight YOU to get up, dress
quietly, so TO create no disturbance, light fire,
mir clothing and stockings, sweep rooms, pre-
pare breakfast and announce the perfection
thereof Eight till ten, wash tea things, make
beds, rub furniture, and clean windows. Ten
Till twelve, 90 10 market and prepare dinner
Twelve to two, devote to dish washing, sweep.
ing up, and rubbing furniture. Two to six, spin.
ming, mending clothes ard darning stockings
Seven, tea. From that time TIL nine, a second
course of mending and darnlng, and then to bed
And this daily course, madam, with a strict Oh
scrvance to the rules of civllry, trugaI,y, deco.
rum and obedience, may in time enable No,, TO
do honor to the choice of Mr. Solomon Swal.
low
Mrs. Swallow listened quietly 10 the end, and
then mildly inquired,
And do YOU really expect this of me, Swal.
low =
TO be sure do responded her spouse.
Then you'll be sadly disappointed, for | shall
do no such thing.
MOI
'Nor
I've way 10 make you
How =
spoon diet, locks, chains, and cowhide.'
'Mr, Swallow !
'What .
you are brute" and Mrs. Swallow threw
herself back and looked desperate.
Now this was climax Mr. Swallow was
called brute ny his own fireside, and worst of
all, by his own wife. He, Solomon Swallow,
the celebrated founder OF a system of Matrimo-
NAL Observations, called brute, and by no less
person than Mrs, Swallow! At first he was
so astonished at such open manifestations of re-
bellion to his royal will tina, he only looked a.
ghast but while he came to himself he saw
that something must be done at once or the
AL los