Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-07-28
from he PhIcddptiu EIsqsirer.
ACAUDLECURTAIN LECTURE

'NfHI'N'H||a " f-fF 49, o 49, .
TIE CGndis cup JojS OCer as UsUGi.
] What ami grooming abou2 There ii j.,
Caudlc; there il is. What did YOU say this
very morning. For tent k1t0U! Well, |
know, n a shaut forget it soon. either, |
never begin it. says YOU! Oh, not never.
Poor innocent lamb of q husband; you'd new
or think of quarrcliug with your wite-not
YOU. And who began it to night, | would
like to know Who always bcgins it? Yes,
Arrays MIR. Caudlc. Isn't it your conduct
always that makes Unnecessary for me to talk
to your Are my faults ever brought into the
question: Whats that YOU Sdyi There's a
good reason for iR Yes. Mr.. Caudle. there is
a good reason for il: the best of good reasons
Tor II. The reason i. dntI have ALWAYS acted
like u prudent, economical and considerable
wife.
Do ever lend FIVE pounds TO Tom, Dick, or
Harry? Do ever lend the umbrella. and
leave the poor dear, darling children to go to
school in the rain, and catch their death of
coldE DO | ever 90 to Greenwich Fair and
run down the hill with the girls holding on to
the skirts of my coat? Do lever guzzle brandy
~and-Natcr, and talk all sOrts Of nousenSe about
my vile, witt that mean sCouudrcl of n fellow
Prcttyman! DO | ever complain about cold
mutton, and want 10 eat my wife out uf house
anu home by g%obbling up puddings and pam
cakes with butter aSId honey ON thcm2 DO
| ever make a Mason. or a Sky-lmk. or a fool of
myself! What are YOU mutteringa about. MIR.
Caudle2 Do YOU mean to i|nsinuaic that | am
a Sky-lark, or a Mason, or a--whnt do YOU
mean, Caudlei What! hal are YOU really so
lost TO all sense of dcccncy and proprictv as
to call your wife a fool? A tool?i Mr.. Caudle!
Butts just what have to expect: it's lust of
a piece with the rest of your conduct. lcds
a fool once in my life, / confess, and that was
when married yon. But I'm not going to
follow your example. I'm not going to de-
mean myself by scolding and calling names.
I'll leave that 10 YOU, and the likes of YOU. I'll
show you that can preserve my dignity, and
keep to what | am saying in spite OF all your
brutality. u.
Do ever fuss aud fret and fume, and find
iault and-whuts that again? I'm G~iitcra-
ttrcE tell you whutitis Mr.. Caudle, Iwon't
be called names in this way | won't bear it
and II you do SO again, you shan't sleep "A wink
tins blessed night; even if have to sit up and
hold my eye-lids open 10 hinder YOU. You're
alhterative, yourself, and worse. What's the
man laughing at? Its no laughing matter.
Butyou have no feeling, Caudlc no more than
one OF the living limoges at the Horse Guards.
that SIT all day onlh4I horses stariugat White
hall. But you sha1t put me out.
Where was II 6yes-as / was saving, do
| ever fret, and scolt, and find fault about n
poor, miserable, contemplate bit of "A shirt
button? DO ! ever % bail iur-hcm! ahcm
Do ever goa walkiuIWith brazcn faced things
in pinks bonners? 3 Don't iidget 50, CaudDc
You've not had the worst Of il yet, | can tell
you.
OF all the pieces ofimpudcuccl Ofull the
bare laced, brazcn ms,aiity Of all the mean,
low, sncaldng, cowatly tricks that ever any
man Don't deny it now Caudle don't 90
and pcJurt yourself In nothing. HOlC do II
ht0io IN know ii dpm the very best author
ity of evidence. Idittts SEC u0Ui MOL didut
see you and thauk yGlr stsr,. Mr.. Caudlr. the !
longest day YOU have u live. that didn't. Oh,
II ! had seen you! Oh, il had seen her! Oh,
II could see her now ! would forgive you,
V1HR!c / would forgive you all. if YOU would
only bring her here
Crn7H.' N"i I'm not crazy. Mr.. Caudlc I'm
CRAY i,JaSoJ Ii"',, a. ever ! W y "a "a, m X i lie
woman mad ~ near oi such goIngs on? Bat
no, Mr.. Candle. I'm not gOing crazy W meanwhile.
| wou,ldOit, even IL were only to spite Won
FOR that's the very thing hat would please YOU.
Yes II would-it would please you to the very
hcarts core TO have the pleasure of sending me
10 d mad house, and have me locked up lor
me, On whota Jolly time you'd have of i'll then
WIN your lrrttymans, and yOur Masons. and
o ui"hllarh and your pink bonnets, and your
tf"lioPs To- wear EN-. Nice doings there would
ba-bul III wouldn't last long, that's one com
Iofl. lhey would soon eat, and guile and de
Slroy all you have in the world, and then you'd
DE- 1t burden To- The parish all the rest of your
days. And the poor dear children oh how
my heart blccds for them, poor in~nocents!
Dear lost babes! Oh nav pets! my angels my
sweet sweet d~arliugs! Poor, helpless or
Pltlis! how YOU would miss the watchlul care
oI your anxious mother! whose kind, aflcC-
Tomato, paticnt-Whatnois is that? You
children. YOU Marg'rct! do you hear You
NOISY good for nothing little brats! Hold your
tongue, Caudle! What business have YOU To
say anything about it? It'sall your fault en-
tIrcly youriault. You indulge them 70 such a
degree that it's morally impossible to manage
mem. they've become such a set OF scli-wil-
led, hcadstrong. ill-tcmpcred little wrc,chcs,
mat / III ashamed to own them. They've got
lhtlr fathers b,Oodin them, every one. What
DO YOU mean by hem 2 What do YOU mean
bylt,lsayt But know how tits. You want
TO RAW me off from the earrings but Won
shant. I'm not to be put oil that way / can
tell YOU.
My dear mother saw YOU, with her own eyes.
travelling the town half over running up and
Regent street popping inland out OF thc
shops IA Piccadlly, now to the East and now
to The West. and all the time a Young woman
lauglngon your arm. IOU icoAii lie siiH aad
hedT hcr c0ird q hUzzgI Aha You comics,
II, them You confess tlat thDr. rus n wa
man Miss ProtiymnH! II j Didn't think sol
Miss Prcttymanl That cycrIus.iug Mis-, Prat-|.
lyman! And what cuisines, had YOU io buy
Jewels Tor a Miss Prcttymaui Ola ycsl lis
an very well Tor you tosay tHat you 0nly chose
mem because Prettym1u hadn't time. ButI|,
Know better. Tn not TO be- fooled that way.|
"A pretty state of things, indeed. when yoi,r
own lawful welded wife has 10 wear tbr .I,nr
old fashioned tuIupey year i'm and wear ONT
ami Won all tHe lime uf.IIiYr gL.,.f ...I I.