The New era. [volume] ([Portsmouth, Va.]) 1845-1847, 1845-11-22
THAT TARNAL RAILROAD.
AS SPOKEN AT THE FULTON INSTITUTE


Je whiticans, whew! WAL just manufacture
me up into double refined spinning jenny, and
set me agolng in fifty acres of cotton, if ever
come across such rarln, tarin, ripping, snorting,
doube-reyolving piece of machinery, from crea-
ton down to my most marvellous deverance just
now, as the one which give me chase down your
railroad. hearn some time ago there was such
doings going on at the /" Fulton Institute" so as
like things that open rich, made things about
right round hum, and broke for here.-I come
across through the country, aad struck your rail
road, and was playing it down at about four knots
the hour. Now, | had hearn tell of locomotives,
but never dreamed of seeing one alive and kick
ing but about two miles from here, hearn some
thing behind me coffin, sneezing and laundering,
and looked around sure enough here she come
right down after me, paving the arth up and
splitting the road wide Open with more smoke
and fire fiyin than or';o come out of hundred
burning mountains, with about dozen wagons
iollern arter her, and to save her tarnal black,
smoky, noisy neck she couldn't get clear of them
don't know whether they scared her up or no,
but here she come foaming at the mouth-with
her teeth chock full of burnin' red hot Goals. and
she pitched right straight at me as if she was
going into me like thousand brck-I couldn't
stand it any longer, so | wheeled around and
broke down the road and began to make the gravel
fly in every direction No sooner had done that
lnan Sne spit right AFTER me, and every Jump
made she sqneeled like Thousand wild cats i
She begin to gain on me comm up little hill.
but we come round pint to straight level in
the road. Now, thinks l., I'll give you ginger.
as am great dead level, so pulled to il and
soon got myself under full speed then she began
to yelp and howl and cough and stamp and come
on full chizeI, and made the hui arth shake
But kept on before her, bouncing at the rate of
twenty feet every hop, till got to a turn of the
road, and | was under such Roadway that |
couldn't turn, so tumbled head over heels down
bank by house and landed with my head and
shoulders co-smolick right into s,ciH barrel, and
my feet stuck out behind, and up in the airi-
Just at the time the locomotive found had got
away from it, it commenced splitting hot water
into me, and just Utterly spattered all over the
part of me that was left sticking out of the barrel
| tho't in my soul that Mount Vesuvious has
bursted some place in the neighborhood But do
you suppose | staid there long? No, Sir!
just walked right through that barrel and come
ont the other end so quick that it really looked
ashamed of itself
Now, here am, rale self propelling double
revolving locomotive SnolIy Goster ready to at.
tack anything but combination of Thunder light
ming smoke railroad iron, and hot water.
I'd like for some of your gals to give me
chance to play Hop. Scotch among your hearts,
and if | don't play the swill barrel game by
walking right strait thro' your tarnal prejudices
into your young affections, then help me Jozey.-
Cincinnati Commercial