New-York daily tribune., 1845-03-01
THE TRIBUNE.
From Hoods Magazine and Comic Miscellany.
A TALE OF TEMPER.

y
A TALE OF TEMPER.
Or ali cross orecds OF human sinners,
Tho craooedest are those who dress our dinners;
Whether the arden: fires at which they roast
And hel and bake thcmselveslSe Smithfied martyrs
Arc apt to make them crusty, Ike toast.
Or drains, encouraged by SO hot post;
However, cooks are generally Tariars;
And altogether might be safely clustered
Ir scientific catalogues
Under two names, Ike Dinmon,'s dogs,
Pepper aud Aas,ard
The case thus being very common,
II followed, quite OF course. when Mr.. Je,vis,
Fncsged clever culinary woman,
he took mere Xantippe In his service
In fac,-ter metal not - Dur ish---
A. vile shrew as Shrewsbury ccnld furnish
One who In temper, language, manners, looks,
In every respect
Might just have come direct
From him who is supposed 10 send Us cooks
The very day she came into the place
She slapped the scu.u's face;
The next. the houseInaid beng rather pert,
Snatching nc broom, she treated her like dirt"
The t.rd, quarrel with tho room she hit on
Cyrus, tie page, had ii.,f Il dozen knocks
And John, the cQachnan, got a box
lie could ut sit OH.
Meanwhile, her strength 10 rally,
Brandy and rum, and hrpb She drank by stealth,
Besides the Cream c. some mysterious Valley
Thst may. or may not, be the Faie OF Health
At least while credit lasted, or her wealth
For finding that her blows only came thicker,
Insecdves and foEi names tut few the quicker,
The more she drank, the more inclined 10 oicker.
The other servants, one and all,
Took Bible oaths, whatever might hefall,
Neither TO lend her cash, nor fetch her liquor
This caused, of course, a dreadful schism.
And what was worse in spite Of all endeavor,
After a fortnight Of Tee-totallsn,
The Plague broke out more yirulent than ever
The life she led the fellows down the stairs.
The fe she led her bettcys In the parlor!
10 parrot ever gave herself sucil airs,
No pug cog cynical was such o 5narieT
At woman, man and child. she few and snapped
No rattleSnake on earth so fierce ana ralc''o'iS-
No household cat that ever Tapped
10 swear and spit was half 50 apt
No hear ,ore-hcaded, could be more caDtankcrous-
No fre,ful porcuplne more sharp and craooed-
No wolverine
More full OF spleen
Tn .bo,t The woman completely rabid.
Tho least offence Of look or phrase.
tn. slightest verbal joke, the Inerest frolic,
Ir,a snap-dragon set her IN Il blaze
Her splrit was alcoholic.
And woe 10 him who felt her tongue.
II burnt like caustc-like a nctte stuus.
Her speech was scadlng-scorciins-
And larded, not with bacon fat,
Or any thing mild US that,
But curses so intensely dabolic.
30 broIlIng hot that he at whom she levciec,
Felt In his very gizzard he was deviled
often and often Mr.. Jervis
Ionued and vet feared TO turn her from his service
For why? 0fall his phIos phic loads
or reptiles loathsomo, spit-ful and perDjcious
Stuffed Lizards, bottled Snakes, and picked Toads,
Pottsd Tarantulas, and Asps malicious,
And Scorpions cured by scientific modes,
He had not any creature half 50 vicious
At last ono morning,
The coachman had already given warning,
And little Cyrus
Was gravely thinking OF new cockadc,
For open Wars rough snaguinary trade,
Or any other service, quite desirous.
Instead oil quarreling with such jade,-
When accident explained the coll she made,
And whence her Temper had derived the virus
Struck with the fever, called the scarlet,
The Termagant was lying sick In bed
And little Cyrus. that prccocious varlet,
Was lust declaring her "as good as dead"
When down the attic stairs the housemaId Charlotte,
Came running from the chamber overhead
Like one demcnted.
Clapplng her hands, and casting up her eyes,
Aud giving gasps of horror and surprise,
Which she thus vented
"Oh Laws wonder that she didn't bite us!
Or sting us like Tantazer,-
(The note viii make the reader wlser)
And set Us all a dancing like st. Witus
"Temper! No wonder that the creature had
A temper 50 uncommon bad!
She 5 Just confessed 10 Doctor Grlper
That being ont OF Rum, and like denals,-
Which always was prodlgous trials
Because she could Mt pay the piper,
She vert one day, she did, to Masters wials,
And drank the spirits as preserved the wiper -