American Republican and Baltimore daily clipper. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1844-1846, 1845-07-23
from the London Punch !

MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.
Mr.. Ca,tdIe has not acted "tite husband" at The
Wedding Dinner.
'Ah me! It's no use Westinghouse at al:
but do wish that yesterday Id years could
come back again. Little did think, Mr.. Cap-
die, when you brought me home from church,
your lawful welded wife-little, | say, die
think that should keep my wedding dinner in
the manner | have done to-day. Fourteen
years ago! Yes, see you now in your blue
coat with bright buttons, and your white water
ed satin waistcoat, and moss rosebud in year
buttonhole, which you said was like me. WHAT
You neoer talked such no,tsenSef Ha! Mr.. eau
die, you don't know what you talked that day;
but do. Yes; and you then sat at the table
as ifyour face, as may say, was buttered with
happiness, ard-Whae No, Mr.. Caude, don't
say that; have not wiped the butter of-not
]. fyou above all men are not happy, you
ought to be-, gracious knows! '...
eyes, ,otH talk of fourteen years ago. Ha
you sat beside me then, and picked out all sorts
of nice things for me. You'd have given me
pearls and diamonds to eat If | could have
swallowed 'em. Yes, II say you sat beside re,
and-What do you talk about? You couSGR't
sit beside me to-day7 That's nothing at all to
do with it. But it's so like you. can't speak
but you fly off to something else. Hal and
when the health ofthe young couple was drunk,
what speech you made then! 1t was delicious!
How you made every body cry, as if their hearts
were breaking; and recolect it as if it was
Yesterday how the tears ran down dear fathers
nose, and how dear mother nearly went into
fit! Dear souls They little thought with ell
your fine talk, how you'd use me! Hoo hare
you used me? Oh, Mr.. Caudle, how can you
ask that question: It's we'll for you can't see
you blush. Ho,o have you used me!
"Well, that the same tongue could make
speech like that, and then talk as it did to-day!
How did you talk2 Why, shamefully. What
did you say about your welded happinessl--
Why, nothing What did you say about your
wifea Worse than nothlng just as if she was
bargain you were sorry for, but were obliged
to make the best of. What do you say1 .4nd
had's the best? If you say that again, Caudle,
I'll rise from my bed. Yos. didn't say IL? What,
then, did you say' Something very like it, j
husband! And everybody could see that you
didn't care a pin for me; and that's why you
had 'em here: that's why you invited 'ena, to
insult me to their faces. What? n,aae you
invite 'em? Oh, Caudle, what an aggrayating
man you are!
81 suppose you'll say next that | made you
invite Miss Prettyman? Oh yes; don't tell me
that her brother brought her without your
knowing it. What Didn't Ihear him say 500
OF course did; but do you suppose Pm quite
a fool2 DO you think don't know that that
was all settled between you? And she must be
nice person to come unasEed to woman g
house? But know why she came Oh yes;
she came to look about her. What do 1 mean!
oh, the meanings plain enough. She came
to see how she should like the rooms-how
she should like my seat at the Fireplace; how
she-and if it isn't enough to break mothers
heat to be treated so!-how she should like
my dear children.
"Now it's no use your bouncing about at
but of course that's it; can't mention Miss
Prettyman, but you fling about as if you were
IN fit. OF course that shows that there's
disturb yourselfi Do you think didn't see
she already saw mine scratched out and hers
there? No, shan't drive you mad, Mr.. eau
die; and if do it's your own fault. No other
man would treat the wife of his bosom in
what do you say? You, might as aueIL hare mar
ried hedgehog? Well, now it's come to some.
thing! But it's always the case! When ever
you've seen that Miss Prettyman, Pm sure to
be abused. hedgehog! A pretty thing for
woman to be called by her husband! Now
you don't think I'll lie quietly in bed, and be
called hedgehog-do you, Mr.. Caude'
swell, only hope Miss Prettyman had
good dinner, that's all had none! You
know had none-how was to get any? You
know that the only part of the turkey care
for is the merry-thought. And that, of course,
went to Miss Prettyman. Oh, I saw you
laugh when you put it on her plate! And you
don't suppose, after such an insult as that, I'd
taste another thing upon the table? No,
should hope have more spirit than that Yes;
and YOU took VINE with her four times. What
do you say Only t,oice? Oh, you were SO
lost-fascinated, Mr.. Caudle; yes, fascinated
that you didn't know what you did. How