The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1845-12-02
SCANDAL.
..Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot,
Take what course thou wilt"


The substance of the following is no fic-
ton. In village, whose inhabitants, like
the good people of Athens, were much given
to "ciher tell or hear something new" lived
Squire P, facetous, good natured sort OF
body, whose Jokes are even yet a matter OF
village record, and have been retold
through various editions, from folio down TO
duodecmo.
Aunt Lizzy was Deacon Snipe's wifc's
sister--a maiden lady of about fifty, she
went to all the meetings, kept regular count
of every birth, death and marriage with their
dates-doctered all their babies, and knew
every arb in the Observation-Disclosures all
the young married people how to make soap,
and when they had bad luck made every
child in the house sit cross legged until the
luck changed. In fine, she was kind of
village factotum-spent her time in going
from house TO house, grinding out grist OF
SANDER TO each, as occasion required, but al
ways concluded with 'the way Of the trans
gressors is hard,' 'poor Mr. or Mrs. B. (as the
case was) | pity her from the bottom of my
heart,' or some other very soothing refec-
ton. Aunt Lizzy was always very fond OF
asking strangers and others, without regard
to time or place, 'lhe state of their minds;
how they enjoyed their minds &c. These
questions we're generally followed by string
of scandal, which was calculated to destroy
the peace and happiness of some of her best
eighbors and friends, but she, like other
narrators of this kind, considered such intel
lectual murder as either establishing her rep
utation, or as the only mode of entertaining
the village, and thereby rendering her socl-
ely agreeable.
One warm summers afternoon, as the
Squire was sitting near his Office door, smo-
king his pipe, Aunt Lizzy was passing by with
great speed, Illuminating on the news of the
day, when the Squire brought her suddenly
to, as the sailors say,by whats your hurry
Aunt Lzzy? walk in.' The. old lady, never
wanted second invitation, went into the Of
fee, and the following dialogue took place:
well, Squire p. have been thinking
this afternoon what useful man you might
be, if if you'd only leave off your light con-
versations, as the good book says, and be-
come serious man-you might be an orna-
ment to both church and State, as our minis
tel says
7 why as to that, Aunt Lizzy, a cheerful
countenance consider as the best index of
a grateful heart, and you know what the
Bible says on that subject-'When ye fast be
not as the hypocrite with sad countenance
but anoint thy head, rash thy face, (aunt
Lizzy, began to feel for her pocket handker-
cheif, for she was a taker Of snuf,) that thou
appear not unto men to FAST
Now, there Squire-thai's just what told
yc-see how you have scripter at your
tongues end! what an useful man you might
be in your church, If you'd only be doer as
we'll as hearef of the word.
'As to that, aunt Lzzy, | don't see that
i your professors are whit better than | am
in private. Irespect sincere profession as
much as any man; but know enough of
one of your church whom you think great
deal Of, TO know that she is no better than
she should be-
AT the inuendoes, aunt; Lizzy's little
black eyes began 10 twinkle; she sat down
beside the Squire, in order 10 speak in low.
er tone-spread her handkerchief over her
lap, and began to tap the cover of her snuff