The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1845-08-11

Maria she looks if she had lost all her friends;
| tor one minute she won't speak, and, perhaps, she
begins TO cry; Now, be cool, take II easy, and ac-
quit myself like man These tears are the grape
shot, which the ladies' always carry in the fountain
| 81 their sparkling ewes with II they NOW down
their opponents as fast as did the lnyinclbes of
Buonaparte on the plains OF Wagrani. We have
whoe-hog, half-allgator, and half horsemen in
Tennessee and Kentucky; they viii stand before
Colts six barrel revolving pistols; bur there is not
ten men between Plymouth Rock and the shores of
the Pacific that can stand the shot from woman's
eye. AS advised above, keep coolfor space, and
say nothing SIT on chair near enough 10 he
heard; cover your face with sackcloth, wbmner
aud cry litte, iast by way OF .galvanic sympathy
As soon as she hears your SIGH, her tender heart
viii relent and Instantly become your comforter
Now, yon VIII hear that all this muckle adoe
about nathng, was only storm in a teapot-,his
hateful teapot, thus sugar-bowl and mik-pot 81 am
sure, Mr. Snodgrass, you can afford me silver
teapot well Mr.. Van Pelt does TO his wife &c
NOW, another crystal tear is rolling across her
pretty eyes-don't look on then,-you will be shot
Tor her sake tor your own sake and for the sake OF
me next generation, don't give up the ship draw
closer your chair; commence mild and soothing
speech, sprinkled now and then with some of the
elegant extracts, metaphors and eplihets, with
which you We're wont TO address your Maria tea days
before marriage. Begin the exordlum as follows -
You know my dear, that Mr. Van Pelt has been long
established IN profitable and certain buslness-has
made fortune and is now the point OF retiring:
whereas, we are only beginning with a small capt.
money from the banks-(bank discounts When /
borrow 500 from The bank, pay seven dollars eve
ry year interest Were 10 get the silver pot,
mlk pot, sugar bowl and tongs, they would cost
nearly, or may be, over three hundred dollars. Now
the interest on $500 Is twenty one per this
would buy you good summer and good winter
hat, and thousand times rather would look on
your pretty face under handsome hat than To see
you pouring tea from silver teapot to wet the
mouths OF some who might 90 home and laugh an
what they would call our extravaganza believe
your wife is sensible woman, and will relent at
once. No merchant should buy plate till once he
can carry on his business without bank discounts =
but silver tea and even table spoons, have found in
he long run TO be the cheapest; Britannia me-
'a spoons being easily obtained are little cared for
no soon get lost. now have silver tea spoons in
my house, ami daily use. which bought torty-ive
years ago, and table spoons | bought thirty years
go-but my wife always counted them when they
went into the kltchen--had them brought up and
pat IN her own hands-thus we lost only one tea
spoon since We commenced housekeeping. Now,
ladies'. this is the way to keep house Nursing
sooly French puppies, gingling halt the day on Il
piano, and running round TO make calls will never
make your husbands Iich
July, 1915 GRANT THoRpuRy.