The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1845-02-10
Laughable Story.

amusing mistakes upon hi4 entrance into the presence
Of the ady, he thus proceeds;
The ordinary routine Of French dinner commence
ed, regular series OF servants appeared eacn in
stnRt at elbows, inviting to partnke or thou.
sand different kinds of wine, under strings Of names,
which no understood than understood their
cornposli"n. or they did my gaucheries. ResOule
10 avoid all :uther opportunities for di'pay ing my
predominant nit sat in the most obstinate silence,
SAYING oui To everything rhat offered ne, and cat
ing with the most de- oted application, till my fair
neighbnr tired wil tici,urnIty and her own, at length
hefesrlf hegan conversation ny iuquirng how was
pensed Hha tho opera. ] was just raising large
morsel of polaioe to my month"; and in order TO reply
ns quickly possible, hastily thrust in, intending
to swallow il hastily. Heavens! 1t hot
burning lnva WhAt could do! The ludy's eyes
were fixed upon ne, waiting reply to her question.
Rut my mouth in fame. l rolled the burning
morsel hner and thiiher rocking my head from eide
To side; who my eyes, which invountariy had fix
ed on her. were strained from their socket. She
gnrded my srnances, Of the causes Of which she
ignorant with expression Of amusement and
surprise, ut which can laugh when think Of it
"Monsieur is in - NJ length she gently and in an
anxious tone inquired; could bear no more My
mouth was 3 Tying with into ernble pain, quietly
b'ysdoning the point, op med it to he utmost, and
dropped the Internal brand upon my plate. Not
the slightest tendency visibility ruiTied the mper-
lurbahie p,tenes, al tho lady. She sonthingIy
doled with me on my misfortune then gradually led
the conversation to u variety Of topics. sal excrilng
the magic influence tina, true poueness always
erci-es aud began to forget even my own"bunders.
Gradually my cheeks burned less painfully, ami |
mi in the fenF
every word uttered shared the fate OF tho action
attempted; ventured to hope; nay TO congrdt-
ulate myself th,t the catalogue Of caluniries
completed Tor the day.
.'I.et no man call himself happy berore DEATH
said Solon and he said wisely. The Ides Of March
were not yet over. Before stood a dish of cauli-
flower, nicely done in butter This naturally G.
nough took for eusard pudding, which it sufficiently
res=mbled. Unfortunately my vocabulary wns not
extensive enough To embrace all he technicaies of
the table, and when my fair ueighhor inquired If
was fond Of choraeu, verify took it to be heFrench
Tor custArd pudding, and high my Panesyrc Of
it thai my plate was bountiluIy laden with it, Alas,
single mouthral was enough to dispe my illusion.
Would to Heaven that the chorfeur had vanish, d
with it But that remained bodily, and rs gazed
despOndngy the huge that doomed almost
me- Ashamed to confess my mistake. although |
could as readily have swallowed equal quantity Of
soft soap. 1 struggled manruIly against the
tninous heap at its buse-aud shutting my eyes and
opening my mouth TO inlaIe as large masses as |
could without stopping to taste it, But my stomach
soon began n,ellrgbly enough to intimate It's nren-
lion to admit Of this nuuseous stranger be-
meath its roof, il eSpelInS that which had
gained an urVeceme admission.
The seriousness of the task had undertaken, and
the uiion necessary to execute ii, had given an
earnesIness and rapty TO my exerlions which aPPe-
lite could have inspired, when my plate, having
got somewhat ovor the edge Of the table, upon my
leaning forward tilted up and down slid the disgust
ing mass into my lap My handkerchief unable TO
bear weghiy load, bent under ia its turn, and
great portion Of II landed safely in my hat. The plate
righte, ltself-as raised my person aud saw az
glanced my eye around the table that no one had no
ticed my disaster, inwardly congratulated myself
that tho nauseous deception was happily dIspos ed
Of. Resolved not to be detected, Instantly rolled
my handkerchief together, with its remaining con-
tents, and whipped it into Ny pocket
The dinner table at length deserted for the
driving room. were coffee and liquors were served
round Meantime had sought out what considered
u safe hiding place Tor my hat beneath chair IN Inc
dining room, for dare carry any longer in my
hand huving first thrown morsel Of paper, 70 hide
the cauiAower, should amy one chance, in seeking
for his own hat, to look into mine.
On my return To the drawing room, CHANGED to
be agan seated by the lady by whom had sal at the
table. Our conversation was resumed, and we were
in the midst of an animated discussion, when huge
spider running up her arm.
'rako it oif'-tuke it off, she ejaculaied IN
terrified voice. -r.
was always afraid of spiders; so, TO avoid touch
ing him, with my hand caught my pocket handker-
chief from my pocket, and clnpped it II, once upon
| the miscrenn,, who was already mounting over her
temple with rapid strdes.-t;raeous heavens! had
forgotten the caulAowe r, which was now p'asered
over her Ece like nm enoent Pooltice. fairly h! ling
the spider, und binding an eye OF the lady-whle
n. s,rsa,ne,s Of solt butter gded gently down her
neck and bosom.
| ",Ion dleu! Mon dieu.' exclaimed the astOnished
| fair. ......r ......-. I.- l. '-sf....
!, mouth