The Evansville journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1834-184?, 1845-05-01
SOLOMON SWALLOW,
THE WOMAN TAMER.
Rule a rife, and hare a WIFE

ftHkE u tLAfC, UtSA fe0OC - ~ e-
SolomGa Swallow was a bachelor, and a
rusty one, too; but nevertheless he had made
up his mind to one thing; that he was the
only man living who had acquired any know
ledge of the sublime art of taking care of a
wife. 9All the married men are dolts, was
Solomon's constant observation. There, for
instance, is my neighbor Tom Tangible; his
wife makes a sort of three-legged stool of
him; she shoves him in one corner, and then
in another, and sits on him, and walks on him
as if he was nobody in the house; while he,
poor man, takes it as easy as though it was
the most natural thing in the world. Now
that were only Tom Tangible; I'd first
write a series of matrimonial rules; and if
Mrs. I. didn't abide by them, I'd submit her
to the wholesome discipline of bread and wa
ter, and a paddock; and mayhaps brighten
herideas, touching her conjugal duties, by
the application of a good cowhide. And
there again are Everett Easy, Dick Shocks,
and a host more of them in the same condi-
ton; but ], Pm the boy that will set them all
right, if they'll only follow my example, af
ter / have condescended TO endow SONS for
tunate female with the legal claim to the IL
tie of Mrs. Swallow.
Brave Solomon Swallow.
swell, Solomon said a neighbor to him
one morning, Has you are always Boosting of
your skill in managing a wife, how comes ii
that you are not married?o
"Why, because | have not quite perfected
my system! You poked your head into the
moose without making any preparation, and
hence Mrs. EVERY makes what she likes oil
you. But | go to work logically. [ begin
by STUDYING the erudite works of Zingubrazo.
sOn the philosophy ola Woman's holdingh her
tongue.' | then read several treatise son the
effect of bread and water discipline in the
making of good wives.' Shakspeare's Tam
ing a Shrew,' furnished me with a few ex
celIent practical lessons. And am nov
generalizing all their systems into one, which
shall carry the sway in all future generations
and convert the plague Of mstrimony into
blessing. In the course of a year orso," ad
ded Solomon, "my Rules for the regulation
of Women u intend to pu fish i) will b.
completed, and then | shall take me- wife.
And Solomon was as good as his word, fo
at the age of thirty-fve feeling himself pre-
pared to give battle to any woman in or OF
of the land of Amazons) he got married. 4
this important period Solomon was a puff
comfortable looking little fellow as you
meet in a days walk, for albeit the crown,
his head never stood full five feet from ii
heels Of his boots, be was Of proportions tn
would have done honor to an aldermen,
even a lord mayor; and his gait, especial
when walking with anything in the lkene
of a woman) was as pompous as a sultan
LII - z,oL 4.--11 Ii oo,n4opopno o1u,a,
assumed an expression that could not ha
brooked the approach of female familiari
The lady whom Solomon had chosen for
''worser" half, was apparently a lamb-li
creature, so that the chances were very +
that she would not only be a tractable wi
but that Solomon would require no help lrt
his system to make her so.
Now Solomon had the forbearance not
interfere with his lady's sayings and doll
on the wedding, nor is it recorded that
assumed especial authority on the nextni
either; but about six O'Clock next morni
he softly insinuated to his sleeping part
that it was time to get mp. "And,'' he
ded, Hwhen breakfast is ready you may
me, but be sure aud not burn the toast"
breakfast and toast,'' said Mrs. Swall
"why, what do you meant"
"Why, my dear, I mean, madam, tina
have begun my SYSTEM
sand won't you get up too?"
eyes, when breakfast is ready, and
stockings airedi"
Mrs. Swallow was about TO reply, but
checked herself, as she was ashamed 10
much to him on so short an acquainta
but though b. in the present insta nee she
precisely as she was bid, she resolved il
heart that it was the last time that she "
get up al six in the morning to pre-
breakfast.
At eight o'clock, every thing being n
Mrs. Swallow called Mr.. Swallow.
"Breakfast is ready, Mr.. Swallow"
"Is the toast made?"
sYes."
feNot burned?n
HNo.n
care my stockings aired?"
HYes.n
a.Youn do,' quoih Mr.. Swallow, ar
breakfast he went, having first receive
services of the blushing Mrs. Swallow
sist him in dressing.