The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1845-11-08
SHORT PATENT SERMON.

Happy the man! alone thrice happy he,
Who can through gross effects their causes see.
My hearers there is never All effect without a
his shirt Effects are always plain ard palpabe.-
readily seen heard, felt or understood by some I'M
mistakable lustration,-a eAemrfed IN giving
said boy fogging for getting mad and tearing his
shirt; but Causes are often a mere matter of sur
mise aud especially the FIRST or in
cipient cause-as, for instance wla. first induced,
or compelled, the aforesaid juvenile to wax wr 9th
and rend assunder his neither garment. This, of
course, is matter Of mystery. aud must forever
remain involved in doubt. unless cleared up by
anxious inquiry and patient investigation. Nearly
all effects, however. can be traced hack to legii-
mate causes, if we have mind to take the trouble
to search 'em out, with little faith, aud perhaps
fine-tooth comb.
! My hearers-a man may be happier by knowing
the cause Of some things; but there are many things
of v hich il is more necessary Tor him TO know
the cause than it is for a coon to know why pos
sum has pocket to put her young ones in II
you have the headache in the morning, it is well
previous evening are not to blame in the matter
whether you didn't go to bed with little too
warm night cap whether your stomach may
not be as foul (excuse the pun) as an anacondas
after swallowing half dozen chickens. You
should understand its cause, in order that you may
apply the proper remedies. If, however, your
! headache should be constitutional, you mustn't
medde with it; because everything is right and
proper that Is according to the constitution of the
u. S.-Your Self. Iyou have big corns on your
toes, and ascertain that boots or shoes are the
cause of them, you can, no doubt, get license to
60 barefoot; seeing that my friends. the democrats
are now IN power. II you have wife who is Civ
ing to scolding, find out the cause oft. Ifit be
YOUR own folly, put with it, and profit by it: sy,
more--take yourself by the coat collar, lead the
rascal behind the door, and there lay smdrtly the
lash of selfreproof If on the other hand, you find
that cream of tarter birthstone and salt-petre are
the principle ingredients of her nature. don't pay
any attention TO what she says. other than TO laugh
at her IN her wrath. and kiss her in her anger
Hug her when the fits come on-pres- her to your
bosom-pat her on the back-say to her, what a
pity it is that such delicate and pretty piece of
mortal meat should be 80 impregnated with the es-
sence of peach pits, and all that can make bitter
the fair and tempting berriers of feminine beauty
But enough of this: have no itching to meddie
with domestic affairs.
My dear friends-Effects of which il were use
less for you to know the cause, are many 1t
would be of no use for you to know what makes
our earth keep rolling, like restless creature upon
its airy bed-what induces the moon to wander
alone at night unattended bv a single congenial
companion-why the stars sachez all, and balance
to partners in the bouDdless ballroom above--why
comets are not arrested and incarcerated in some
corner of creation rs celestial vagrants--why two
currents of wind ntmeet in friendly intercourse,
and without making muss, as they often do in
the tropics--why the magnetic needle always
points to the north--why potatoe planted isn't
as likely to come cabbage as any thing else-why
one man is white and another black; and why a
nigger will still be niger when white-washed
by collegiate education. I tell you it is not neces-
sary for you to know the causes of these things
il it was, the Almighty would write them upon
your understandings in characters too plain to he
msinterpreted; but as he hasn't done il. you are
left to enjoy the bliss Of ignorance, which j. pref
erable to knowledge; especially in eating city
sausages 1t is enough for you to know that self
interest, selfaggrandizrmant and self,nd,dgence
are the moral nam springs of all human actions.
(SleepUg in church, my friends, is always tolerat.
ed in land of religious liberty. but loud snoring
is a nuisance to the more quie, and respectable
sleeprrs)
My iriends-it is very easy 10 KIN W the causes
ofmany ordinary effects For instance. if you see
man making himself very ridculous by word and
action IL bar room, YOU may k ow that the causes
OF it came out oi the decanier. When you see
politician extra full of patriotism and stuffed with
stump speeches, you take it or granted he wants
an office. either for himself or some particular
friend. The prevailing topic OF conversation with
young ladies', when by themselves, is concerning
the fellows; which shows that they want to get
married soon, and don I blame 'em; for they know
that the charm which young tools [alI are fools
during courtshp] prize the most will shortly fade
as fade the rose, in the lap Of summer and no one
ever uiihRs OF p'uckihga h""er ""en us petals
begin to ~iher And now, my dear hearers, look
into your own hearts, and seek for the causes of
all your errors, your sins and your transgressons
The reason why your streams Of happiness don't
flow freely, purely AID brightly, is because of a
great quantity of wicked rubbish at the fountain
head; and such must he entirely removed, before
those joys can float down to you undamaged, OF
which the future is as full as bed bugin the morn
ing So mote il be. Dow, JR.
DRAWING OUT A NEEDLE BY MAGNET.
A colored woman. at Frankfort, KY, ran needle
IN the feshy part of the palm, some months ago
Last " eek Mr. John Goodman, to whom the wo-
man belonged, knowing the needle would not re-
main afatinnary that il would produce suppur atom