Sunbury American and Shamokin journal. [volume] (Sunbury, Northumberland Co., Pa.) 1840-1848, 1845-09-06
I'll 20 mad and break things, Mrs. Swal


| low .... ....
AS you like SIR
And Mr. Swallow did 20 mad, bnt he had
method in his madness, tor he seized the cheap
est article of delfthat was on the table, (an old
plate with crack in it.) and dashed it into
thousand pieces on the hearth as he was in
tremendous passion.
How do you like that, Mrs. Swallow =
Vastly, Mr.. Swalow-try tagain.'
| And again he try it, Cor he became despe
ratc,) and demolished the cream jug.
Now sad the lady, ''tis my turn and jump
ng up she sent the slop bow TO keep company
with its tea table companions.
This of course was to much for Solomon it
snapped asunder the last remaining chord of the
little reason lie had left, and he slapped his help
mate Eve use the word in its most positive
terms--) on her right cheek; but scarcely had
! the echo of the blow melted into silence, ere the
indignant dame seized the teapot, and shivered
| it into atoms against the head of the devoted
| Mr.. Swallow nor was this all, for. as he was
rolling heels over head from the effects of the
awful collision, she pelted him with the remain.
der of the tea traps until there was scarcely
bone in his body that had not echoed TO the
shock of cups and saucers and rounds of buttered
! toast.
Unable to carry on the war any longer for
that day, Solomon gathered himself up rs well
as he could, and vowing vengeance, he stuck
his pipe in his mouth and his hands in his pock.
cts and then commenced whistling jig to the
tune the old COW died on, looking as if he
could bite piece out ofthe griddlc without set
ting his teeth on edge. Hi, good lady, too, be-
ing determined to follow the example of her
! lord and master in other matters beside delf
breaking, placed chair back to back with So.
lomon's, and after providing herself with q no.
vel, cat herself down and began reading away
as if there was no such thing as beds to make or
stock ngs to menG in all Christendom.
Here the aiiectionae couple sat for six NOR.
tai hours, each bent upon setting the other down
and rnmlna'ing the while upon their respective
p siions But i, must be confessed that Mrs
Swallow had the best Of the bargain, for, indc
pendent o. Solomon's mangled head, parboiled
neck and shoulders, he saw plain as mud that
the watch dial and the crockery must be repla.
ccd so that the reducing of the first chapter of
his voluminous system to practice must be at
tended with an outlay of at ieas, twenty dollars.
This being the case, i might as well be hung
for sheep as lamb thought he, and with tha,
he rose from his chair, stole softly out of the
room, aud turned the KEY upon the gentle Mrs
Swallow.
The turning of the KEY made her aware Of
his intention, when she rushed TO the door, but
twas too late.
Open the door this instant Mr. swallow
Not until have kept you here seven DAYS
upon bread and wafer returned the victo, ious
Solomon, and he went on his way rejoicing.
BIT ALA. how iceting i human greatness ::
in about half an hour he returned to see how
matters were going on, but he had scarcely put
his eve to the key hole, when he began roaring
| like bull, for Mrs, Swallow had ,0rn every one
OF his fine linen shirts Chat on his back excep-
,ed) into pieces to make rope to let herself
down from the window; nor was this all, tor up
on further examination he discovered that she
| had thrown a variety of chair cushions, bed H.
men, &c, into the yard, 10 make her descent
safe md comfortable
Oh chop-faIlen Solomon Swallow.
! The archives q. the Swallows are silent
! as To the rema ming occurrences OF this event
/ tul day but on the very next morning about
o'c'ock, Mr.. Swallow popp'd his head out
| from under the blankets and said, 'Mrs. Swal.
| low,-dear,-iSn't it time To get upt
Yes returned the lady, 'and you may call
me when you have lii the fIe and put on the
kettle
Poor Solomon (! Their, was no alternative
so he went about his work with an alacriiy
head and demolished body of linen running
strongly in his memory. In short Solomon was
conquered man That day he had to get
breakfast, sweep the room, &c. The next as.
sistance was required in the rubbing Of furni-
ture and the making of beds, and before the
week was ont he was initiated into the mystic
res of washing coarse towels.
Degenerate Solomon Swallow. Nay in af.
ter times, when the little Swallows began to
gather around him, it was whispered that his
better half (or she was his better halo used TO
employ him at ye, more deeply conjugal offices.
The best cure for hard times is to cheat the
doctor by being temperate the lawyer by