Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1845-10-02
VOL. XXXIX, NO. 47.--wHOLE NO. 2oss. :
REPORT OF THE COMMITTEE ON HOGS,
AT THE N. Y. AGRICULTURAL FAIR.

lNi'i ~ ~ LIE OOm MI IL YIN IlObO,
AT THE N. Y. AGRICULTURAL FAIR.
The Committee on Hogs have always been look
ed to for an amusing report and the one this year
is not bhend any of its predecessors Hear with
how much face'ious learning and discrimination it
discusses the subject of Bacon:-
MIR. PREsIDENT-Why as humble an individual
as myself was seected,as chairman of the commit
tee of hogs Eyes sir, hog is the word is past my
comprehension. Custom has sanctioned the prac
tice of bringing INTO this report all the wit and joy
Gus philosophy of Heraclites the ests and merri-
ment of the laughter-moving Menus. Shakes
peare, and Coleman the younger and Hood, have
gone before hog-oogy-the whole ground is occu.
pied-the subject is exhausted, and after the re-
nowned reports Of the wits and genuses of the old
Bay State, can expect to come but haltingly off,
and perhaps finish "gre0t bore" ,4d NAHUM 70
rum meos procuioS contuh Would that the man.
tie of the iamented Lincoln had fallen on my Shout
ders, although | confess to the vulgarity of be-
ing lover Of pork. According to the theory OF
the celebrated work Of Sir Richard Vivian, the hog
is one of the types OF humanity and man but the
development of that type, which may account why
some Of our species are so "hoggishy inclined"
and are not inapty, sometimes, called by dsappoint-
ed oiiicc-seekers the "swinish multitude"
If his inwards arc as is sometimes said, a coun
terpart Of mans, his outward acts exhibit some
striking analoges in propensities, temper and con.
duct He is even "poitcian" on an enlarged
]
saith not-for lie is equally partial to "Clay" for
his amuscmonts as to -" Poke" (root for his subsst
cnce. lie goes for annexation" p" distribution"
not only Of the land, but Of its productions-for all
sub treasures" and for enlargement" but is op
posed 10 blanks" and all monopolies. lie is a
great stckler for the largest liberty-he has never
been known to pull down printing presses, but he
upsets everything else that interferes with his in
terest or ambition-hc does not make any "stump
speeches" nor lay piDc," nor tell " Roorbacks" at
elections but he will 20 in at hole that he can't
find his way out Of again, which is most striking
feature of a modern politician He don't volunteer
to 90 to Texas nor to guard about "boundares.'
The Nueces and the Rio Grande are beyond the
" bounds" of his ombiton, Allho' Native Amer
lean "to the marrow bone," yet he is not in profess
sion, for instead Of having but one "principle," he
assimilaes nearer to his type, who go for seven
prnciples-vz: the five loaves and two small fish
cs "Aboltionsts," see their feelings hustle
their Indignation is excited how their backs are
up" at the cries of their brethren in DURANGO vile
Ainalganatlonists- and white is not a color
with them; only its negation the whole race is
one Berkshire or Leicester Black or whte-they
love all through the chapter.
Antl.renters--hke Falstaff-they give no rea.
sons nor pay any rents on compulsion; but, unlike
them, they submit to "quarter" sales He is not Q
believer in Mers calorifc propheses, although
he often puts on his ascension robes but they
by his Indifference, he strongly insnuates that thu
doctrine OF the Deuce to pay, and no pitch hot
or, as a very fussy old gentleman once said, whei
he undertook to shear him, "Great cry and LITTLE
wool" He is life member of all the Temper
ance Societies eXtant; full blooded Washington
Son of Temperance and Rechabite; water is his
rim, and butternk his champagne, but yet he has
been foully slandered by saying as " Drunk as Da
vys SOW" lie never laughs or whistles; his moutl
is not fixed right he could not prepare the puck
err aud it is an old saying that "you can't make
whistle out of pigs tail" nor ga silk purse on
of "a sow's ear; but her ears, when properly SOUS
ed will bring the golden mint drops to fill the silk
en- purse. Like man, his back is up with any inter
ference with his rights, and he is not to be drive
unless you put his head one way and pull his tai
the other, like some of the higher mamma specie
(no reference to Mrs. Caudle) who act by the rul
of conraries, and he is very apt to put his nose il
places where he has no business, and sometimes ge
it tweaked for his pains. mathematician, he un
derstands latitude and longitude and if he canno
raise the whirlwnd, and direct the Storm" his ban
ometica proboscis invariably indicates its approach
He has also some prctenslons to classical cele
brity in the early stages of national literature
Learned pigs divided the laurels with some Of OF
learned men, and in those days when we did nc
print by cart loads and avalanches, nothing made
greater sensation in the reading world than Hogg
Tales lie is the only creature that improve
by ranging. man or IA dog is not worth half q
much after that ticlsh operation, but he become
a Lord Bacon in phIosophica and a Hampde
in political gostronomy And yet, sir, with all i
faults, We could better spare better man, for yc
must have observed, he has many redeeming quail
ties, and with me, sir he improves on acquantanc
for the shining beauty of our cloaks, our coats al
!, hats, the glossy ringlets Of the smooth skinned w
man on the ottoman her ivory teeth, and the br
liqncy of her jewery is due to one Of the produc
r ions of this much abused animal. His olein
| the light, and many Westlndion has made his io
tune by hogsheads