Sunbury American and Shamokin journal. [volume] (Sunbury, Northumberland Co., Pa.) 1840-1848, 1845-09-06
SOLOMON SWALLOW.
The Woman Tanner.
"RuLE WIFE, AND HAVE WIPE.

|
taking care ofa wife. 'All married men are
dols,' was Solomon's constant conversation.
There, for instance, is my neighbor, Tom Tan
! gible his wife makes sort of three.egged
| then in another, and sits on him. and walks on
him, as if he was nobody in the house; while
! he poor man, takes it as easy as if it was the
most natural thing in the world. Now that
were only Tom Tangible Id first write se-
ries ofmatrimonial rules and if Mrs +. didn't
sbide them, I'd submit her to the wholesome
discipline of bread and water, and paddock ;
and mayhap brighten her ideas. touching her
coniugal duties, by the application of good
cowhide. And there again are Everett Easy
Dick Snooks, and host more of them in the
same condition; but l. I'm the boy that will set
them all right, if they'll only follow my exam.
! pie, nfter | have coudescended TO endow some
fortunate female with the legal claim to the Ii.
tie Of Mrs. Swallow
| Brave Solomon Swallow
well Solomon, said n neighbor to him one
morning, how comes it that you are not mar
| ried =
why, because have not quite perfected my
system! You poke your head into the moose
without making any preparations, and hence
Mrs. Every makes what she likes of you. But
! 90 TO work logically. begin by studying
the erudite works of Zingubrazo, 'On the Ply.
losophy of a woman's holding her tongue
then read several trestises 'On the effect of
bread and water discipline in the making of
good wives Shakspeare's Tanning Shrew,
furnished me with few excellent practi-
iical lessons. And am now generalizing all
their systems into one, which shall carry them
away into all future generations, and convert
the plague Of matrmony into blessing. In
the course of year or So added Solomon, my
rules for the regulation of Women q intend to
publish i;) will be completed, and then shall
take me wife,
And Solomon was as good as his word for
at the age oithirty-fve (teeling prepared 10 give
battle 10 any woman in or out of the land OF A.
mazons) he got married. AT this important pc
riod Solomon was puffy, comfortable looking
! little fellow as you'd meet in days walk, for
albeit the crown of his head never stood full
/ five feet from the heels of his boots, he was of
proportion that would have done honor to an Al
derman or even Lord Mayor and as his gait
! Especially when walking with any thing in
likeness of woman was as pompous as sui
tan's; while at such times his coun,enance al
ways assumed an expression tina, could no, have
broken the approach of familiarity The lady
whom Solomon had chosen for his 'worser halG,'
was apparently lamplike creature, so that the
chances were very fair that she would not only
be tractable wife, but that Solomon would re.
quire no help from his system to make her So
Now Solomon had the iorbearancc not to in
teriere with the lady's sayings ard doings on
| the wedding, nor is it recorded that he assu.
med especial authority on the mex; night either
but about O'CLOCK next morning, he softly init
mated to his sleeping partner that il was time
to get up. 'And, he added, when breakfast is
| ready, you may call me, but be sure and not
burn the toast
! breakfast ami toast said Mrs, Swallow,
why. what do You meant
| why, my dear, mean madam, that have
/ begun my system
And won't you get up tco''
| YES, when breakfast is ready, and my stock
! ngs aredn
\ Mrs, Swallow was about 10 reply, but she
, checked herself as she was ashamed to say
much TO him on so short an acqualntance.--Bu But
though in the present. instance she did precise
| y as she was bid she resolved in her heart
that it was the last time that she would get up
at six in the morning to prepare breakfast,
| Al O'Clock every thing being ready, Mrs,
Swallow called Mr., Swallow.
Breakfast is ready, Mr.. Swallow
'Is the toast made!
Yes
'Not burned =
mo-
Are my stockings aired =
Yes
You'll do, quo,h Mr.. Swallow, and TO break.
fas, he went, having first received the services
of the 5ushing Mrs. Swallow to assist him in
dressing.
The breakfast however did not turn out to be
the thing it had been cracked up for.
The toast was done little too much, and
] the tea wasn't done quite enough, the slop bowl