The Columbia Democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, 1845-11-01
NluSoINlhIhANIs@US.
Frcm the New York Sphit of the Times
Practical JOkers in tho Army.
BY N. c. NJ. ].

Ned G. was young and merry sut
Of the Infantry, and what is termed i
the Army "a clever fellow Ii is rne lhe
Ned was somewhat given 10 keeping hi
spirits up by pouring spirits down, especial
! ly when stationed al an outpost; but h
never would have been called an inlemper
ate nan.
AT the time OF my story, the detackmen
OF the Army to which Ned belonged oc
Icupied pos, on the South W eslern fron
|,ler,and might be said 10 be in close quarter
as the officers aud mer, from the crowded
state OF the garrison, were reduced 10 les
than half the allowance Of eating AID sleep
ing room authorized by regulations. +,
this arrangement, was Ned indebted for III,
society OF lhe' Doctor Of The post, wi,
shared with him the comforts g. CONVEX
'enres of an al al imenls ,welve feet square
The Doctor, acIuaed by feelings Of lie
gard for Ned's well being, ~ may have
been with an eye 10 bis own quiet and re
pose) was in the habit of administering ia
nun, occasionally. dose Of good advice
and demonstrating with him on the lmpro
prIe'y OF staying oul late al night, getlng.
Hyht,' and coming home, disturbing peo-
pie after they had gone TO bed;'aI of whlcf
Ned took very patiently, but wiIhou, mend
ing his ways. The Doctor; finding ,hati
was utterly useless 10 appeal 10 Ned's sens,
of proprie,y, with the hope ofene'"ug {
cnsngs IN MS mode Of life, began to az
dress himself TO his fears.
Ned said he, if you don, stop thi,
Grohcklng, and drinking, and spreeing, yc,
II get the dropsy-l know you wiII-ant
you'll die in spite Of the ID! lell yo,
once for all 10 stop il, (ol if you ge. lh'
JIopsy on y our chest, you are gone suck
Z! all the medicine IN my chest won't save
YOU! No, sir, burn. brandy won't saw
your
The Doctor child in vain--in ,ain did h.,
continue TO enunerate the various cases
Hard drinking terminating in dropsy ,ha
had come under his observation since he
had been a member OF the Medical Staff
Ned was incorrigble.
AS The lectures on temperance, and IT,,
terrible picture o. disease and death, from
indulgence in strong drink up 10 his view
we're of no avail in exciting his fears, thu
Doctor was about 10 despair of efl'ecting !
reform, when it was brought about, for a
time. in .he following manner.
As usual, late one night, Ned came home
very glorious, singing atIht top Of his voice
e. winding up each verse Of his song win
a whooP, oud enough 10 wake up hal
creation After making several Iurche,
towards the door, he succeeded in entering
and in The vain attempt Of dIsencumbern.
hi nself Of coat and boots, al the same mo
ment made a pitch forward, and Lighted
with his head against the shor. ribs of In
sleeping roommate. The Doctors bOwel
OF compassion we're sadly disturbed. how
ever, after venting on the head of his laIler
friend few hearty curSes,he kindly assist
ed him in divesllng himself Of his clothes
and saw him deveutly laid ouI Oh his mal
rass
Next morning; as sOoa as it was Iighj
the Doctor possessed himself OF the sleep
er's panlaIoons and drawers, and, with III
assistance OF the hospital maIrOn, had ther
neatly taken in about four inches in ih
waist then quietly replaced then, AM
IIunbIed into bed 10 wait the result Hal
an hour before, ibis accustomed time io
rlslng.) Ned slid out Of bed, cooled his cor
lPeVs by long pull a. The water Jug, al
then commenced the operation of maxim
his toilet. The Doctor, who was lyIu
with one eye open and wad Of bedcIolh,
stuffed in his mUulh--by way Of smolhe
ing a desire 10 laugh watched closely II
dressing process going on before him.
. lis very slrarge,' exclaimed Ned;
wonder what has got into theso ID drsr
+, ers! they were large enough yes erdsy, q
nov ! Can make them meet 'TIs no l