Richmond daily Whig. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1842-1861, 1845-05-28
From the United States Gazette.

From the United States Gazette.
Nh. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.
"There. Mrs. Caudle. IL fellow begins to whistle, you
needn't he tormenting yourseU, To find out what it's about.
I'd like TO know, if n man can't whistle in his own bed,
where he can whistler Keeps You from going to sleep,
docsiti That's always the way! II 1 choose To converse
with you, on litilc private family matters at this time, it
always keeps you from going TO sleep. Pray, what r,ght
h,vc you 10 be asleep when I'm awakei A pretty piece
o. ennJugal devotion, that, when Tn tired aud weary, that
you have nothing better To do. than 20 to sleep. Whistle.
may !. II l keep my mouth shu,i Now you know very
well. that | must open my mouth to whistle; that shows all
veu know! Paid too dear for your whistle, did youi You
must be mighty changed since | first knew You. L used TO
get 4 chance OF talking then. but nor, you're always deaf
when speak! But | Just tell you what it is. Mn. Csudls.
you must either keep my shirts IN better order, or leave the
premises; there's a button of, and its been oil a whole
week, too. And you're gadding about the streets, while your
POO. husband hes no buttons on his shirts. I'm not IN a
passion about IL, but ii I ,ess q cussing man, l certainly
should swear, 10 relieve my feeings--l can't another 'ein.
I'D seorn to swallow EN-; they've been pentup m this bus
tin heart ever since this button was off. It's s~csndaious,
that a man having q wife, has no buttons on his shin. Some
men wouldn't Pot up with u, but TIA not a bad temper,
thank fortune; u wouldn't do for nae To be iH-tempered,
when sumo persons who live in the same house are such
vixins. Oh. no! Smith didn't meet me in the street. to-
day, and says he, 'Caudlc,' says he, there's n button of
your shiri-you haps n wife, 1 believe Oh, no! Smith
did'at say this Listen to old Smiths nonsense. do .
Wei, then, l tell you, il I Vas a bachelor, like Smith, I'd
thank my stars; he always has buttons on his shirs. i
,coa'f stop talking and 90 TO seep-I'm not sleepy. and
I'm no child, to 60 to sleep " hen you please, and q button
of my shirt, too! Wish l had my tongue buttoned up, do
youi So you'd have a chance to Jaw. | 'spose. Dear
knows you've been talking about this button being oil my
shirt nil night, and how I m to Eeta wink Of sleep, i don't
know; but 'spose my shirts are nothing TO you-you've
cot me, and thats all you care for-being called Mrs. eau
cle!-WtH, H. IT II isn't a name worth having, ihats not my
fault; you might have said no, and | wish you had; and
the may lie this b Iiton wouldn't have been of my shirt
For people 10 be saying there goes Saudlc,' and then ask
ins me II wanted n button. I'll Caudle EN-, aud you too
now, it u ism, done early tomorrow Pulled 1t oil, did
II Well II did, | reckon a man has a right TO do what
he p'eases, aud If | didn't, you're telling a lie | never
could beariaise wi,nesses-and to think Margaret CsudIe
should be one. II l ever should be fortunate enough to
marry sgain, | hope | shan't get 4 false witness, but some
peoples wives don't die, Oh no, but they aggrayate their
husbands Into a death-bed. and then, before the grass
grows over their graves, they esiole somebody else in
10 tying n knot with them. and my poor little Cau-
dies is TO suffer this, aud all because OF a button too;
I'm not a worrysoms temper, | never was but being
with some persons. might have made a worse man
take TO drink; but I m n Christian, and its my duty, as Il
Christian. Mrs. Csudle, TO mention every button that comes
off my shirts, and your duty to sew 'em on, and sew 'em
on OF a Sunday morning too, If / think proper! I'd like
TO know what wives is good for, 1t 1t aim 10 take care OF
the children. and sew on the buttons that comes of their
husbands shirts Now, it's my opinion, that button never
ras on my shirt! That's always the way with you, leav-
ing things unfinished; a pre- tty story il would be, i'll had TO
go to a seamstrcss To nave my buttons sewed on; and me,
with a wife and eight children. Such an example 10 set
those gals to, OF ours; they'll never get husbands as long
as they live, II they don't learn TO finish things: and they'll
never learn that from Margaret Caudle, I know Some
persons might have made a fuss about this button, but I'm
4 fellow member OF the great universe OF husbands, and i
consider II my duty 10 exhibit patience; its one OF the car.
dinal virtues, Mrs. Caudle. Your cardinal, Margaret
Caudle, IT'S my opinion you're a fool.) | know that was
stolen, but what fm talking about isn't a cape, but a virtue,
which Judging irOm appearance, l should lhiuk you never
possessed, for you've neither temperance, forbearance, UoT
christian charity, judging from this button of nv -hir'-
Mrs. Caudlc, say Mrs. Caudle, remember the; bi,'ru's 10
be done Ia morrow. Asleep, are you7 Well, I'll speak Of
il some other lime. I've been too careless letting sueh
things pass without saying more on the subject, but ri
kno~ why my buttons aIn't sewed on. I'm glad Pm not
4 man TO get into q passion. / shouldnt like TO go TO sleep
Ia a passiOn-lye kept very cnol-but It's owing TO my hsv-
inc said SO litle on tins subject. It's really aggravatins for