The Columbia Democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, 1845-11-01
MlIS0lslllhA NA0US.
From the New York Spirit of the Times
Practical JOkers in tho Army,
BY n. g. NJ. j.

Ned G. was young and merry Sub
OF the Infantry, and what is termed il
the Army "a clever fellow 1t is lrne iho
Ned was somewha. given TO keeping h,'
spirits up by pouring spirits down, especial
IIy when stationed a, an outpost; bu. b,
never would have been called an in,emper
ale Tan.
A, The time Of my story. the de,achmen
Of The Army to which Ned belonged oc
cuped post on The South W esIern from
,ler,and nigh, be said TO be in close quarter.
as the officers aud mer, from tho crowded
state of the garrison, were reduced 10 less
than half the allowance Of eating aid sleep.
ing room authorized by regulations. J.,
this arrangement, was Ned indebted for the
society Of The Doctor OF the post, wht
shared with him the comforts e. cOnvel
enres Of an al ltmeDts Twelve feet square
The Doctor, ac,ua'ed by feelings Of Ie
gard for Ned's well being, (t may have
been with an eye 10 bis own quiet and re
pose) was in the habi, of administering lc
lhin, occasionally. dose Of good advice
and demonstrating with him on the lmpio
lprlsIy OF stay ing ous late at night, geuIng,
IHyht, and coming home, disturbing peo-
pie after they had gone to bed;' ;'aIl Of W hci
Ned took very Pa,ien'ly,bui wi,hou, mend
ing his ways The Doctor; finding ,ha, i
was utterly useless 10 appeal TO Ned's sens'
of propriesy, with the hope of eife' ting
change in his mode of life, began To at
dress himself TO his fears.
Ned said he, if you don't stop ,hi
lroIcking, and drinking, aud spreeing, yo,
II ge, the dropsy-l know you william,
you'll die in spite Of The ID! tell yo,
once for all TO stop it, 70. if you get .h'
j,opsy on your chest. yos are gone suck
T! all the medicine IN my chest WON'T saw
you! No, sir, burn, brandy won't saw
you!'
The Doctor child in van-in vain did h.,
continue TO enu.nerale the various cases
'ard drinking terminating in dropsy TIA
nad come under his observation slnce h.
had been member OF the Medical Staff
Ned was ncorrgibls.
AS the lectures on temperance, and lh,
terrible picture OF disease and death, from
indulgence in strong drink up 10 his view
we're of no avail in exciting his fears. til,
Doctor was abou, to despair Of elleclng >
reform, when i. was brough, about, for =
time. in The following manner.
As usual, late one night, Ned came home
very glorious, singing a''ht top Of his voice
& winding up each verse of his song VIII
whoOp, oud enough to wake up hail
rresllon.' After making several urches
towards the door, he succeeded in entering
and in The vain attempt Of dlsencumbtrIns y
hi nself Of coat and boots, al The same mo
ment made a pitch forward, and lighted
with his head against the short ribs OF his
sleeping roommate The Doctors bowels
Of compassion we're sadly disturbed. how
ever, after venting on the head of his fallen
friend few hearty curses,he kindly assist
ed him in divesling himself of his clothes
and saw him detenlly laid OUT on his mat
,rass.
| Next morning; as soon as il was light
the Doctor possessed himself of the sleep
l. IS paniaoons and drawers, and, with the
assistance of Ihe hospital malron, had then
neatly taken in abou, four inches in III,
waist. then quietly replaced thea, and
ltumbIed into bed 10 wait the result Hail
an hour before, (his accustomed time for
risng.) Ned slid out of bed, cooled his cop
IpeIs by long pull u. the water jug, AM
then commenced The operation OF making
his toilet. The Doctor, who was lying
with one eye open and wad OF bedclolhe
STUFFED in his moulh-by way Of smother
ing desire TO laugh--wa,ched closely III
dressing process going on before him.
'Tis very strange exclaimed Ned;
" onder what has gol into these ID draw
ers! they were large enough yesterday, an
now can't make them meet lis no Vi