Mobile register and journal., 1845-05-12
From the London Punch.

Lecture on Mr. Caudte's Shirt- Buttons.
 Here, Mr. Caude, hope you're ma ltle better temper than you were this mot ningl There-you needn't begin 10 whistle; people don't to bed to whistle. But it's like you. can't speak, tha you don't try to insut me. Once, used {" say you were the best creature living: now, you ge quite fend Do let you rest? No, l won't lei you rest. It's the only time have to talk to you, and you shall hear me Pm put upon all day long il's very hard if cant speak word at night; and il isn't ofien open my mouth, goodness knows!
 ''Because once in your lifetime your shirt wanted button, you must almost swear the roof of the house! You didn'i swea? Ha, Mir. Caudie! you don't know what you do when your in a pass ion.- You were not in passion, wer'n't youl We'll, then l don't know what passion is-and think ought by this time. l've lived long enough with you, Mir Caude, to know that
 "It's pity you hav'nt samething to com. plain of than button of your shirt. If you'd som, wives, you would, l know. Pm sure Pm nevel without needle and thread in my hand. What without you and the children, Pm made d perfect slave of. And whats my thanks? Why if once ir your life bulton's of your shirt-wat do you CT, 'oh at1 l say once, MT. Caudle, or twice or three times, at most Pm sure, Candle, no mans buttons in the world are better looked after than yours. only wish I'd kept the shirts you had when you were first married! l should like 10 know where were your buttons then?
 "Yes. il is worth talking of! But that's how you always try to put down You fly into a rage,
  Ihats how you always will have all the talk 10 yourselves; a poor woman isn't allowed to get a word in.
 'A nice notion you have of a wife, 10 suppose she's nothing to think of but her husbands buttons. pretty notion, indeed, you have of marriage. Ha if poor women only knew what they had to go through What, with buttons, and one thing and another!- They'd never tie themselves up the best man in the world, Pm sure. What would they do, Mir. Caudle? Why. do much better without you, Pm cer- tain.
 "And it's my belief, after all, that the button wasn't oa, the shrt-il's my belief that you pulled lt of, that you might have something talk about Oh, you're aggravaing enough when you lack for any ihng All know is, it's very odd that the but ton should he of the shrt for Pm sure no one wo- mans greater slave than am. l only say, it's very odd.
 ''However, there's one comfort; t can't last long, ] m worn to death with your temper, und sha 'n'l trouble you great while. Ha, you may aul h. And dare sny you would laugh! lhe no doubt of il! That's your love-that's your feeling! I know that Pm sinking every day, though say nothing a bout it. And when Pm gone, we shall see how your second wife will look after your buttons! You'll find ou the difference, then Yes, Caudle you'll think oi me, then; fol then, hope, you'll never have blessed button to your back.
 "No, Pm not vindiclive woman, Mr. CauIe; nobody ever called me that, but you What do you say! Nobody ever knew much of me? That's nothing al all to do with It. Ha! wouldn't have your dggravatIng temper, CaUdle for mines of gold. It's good thing Pm not worrying as you are or nIce house lhere'd be between us. 1 only wish you'd had wife Ihs would have talked to you! then you'd have known the difference. But you impose upon me, because, like poor fool, say nothing l should be ashamed of mys self Caudle.
 "And pretty exampe you set as father! You'll make your boys as bsd as yourself Talking as you did all breakfast lime about your buttons! And of Sunday morning too! And you Call yourself Chrs- t'an! should like to know what your boys will say of you when they grow up?, And all about a paliry button off one of your wristbands; u decent man wouldn't have mentioned it. Why won't hold my to'guet I'm to have my peace of mind destroyed- l'm 10 be worried into my grave for miserable shirt button, and l'n 10 hold m, tongue! Oh but that's just like you men.
 "But know what I'll do for the future. Every button you have may drop oi, and won't so mucI, as put a thread to em. And should like 10 know what you'll do then! Oh, you must get somebody else to sew em, must you? That's pretty threat for hus- band to hold out to a wife? And to such a wife as | We been loo such sgro slave to your buttons. as apay say! Somebody else to sew lem ehl No, Caudle. no: not while Pm aive! When Pm dead- ant with what have to hear there's no knowing how soon that may be--when Pm dead, say--oh! what brute you must he to snore so!
 "fou're not snoringi ila! that's what you always sa, but that's nothing to do w,t it. You must get somebody else sew em, must you! ila! shouldD't wonder. Oh no! l should be surprised at noihing, iow! Nothing at all! It's what people always told ne It would come to--and now, tiie buttons have opened my eyes! But iie whole world shall know 'l your cruelty, Mr. Caude. After the wife l'ye 'een to you. Somebody, else, indeed, to sew your 'ntons! I'm longer to be mistress my own on'e! Ha. Caudle! 1 woulda't have upon my con eience what You haye for the world! 1 wouIdn't eat anybody as you treai--no, Pm not mad! Ii's oa, MT. Caudle, who are mad, or bad-and that's