Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1845-01-16
THE MAN THAT DID NOT VOTE!

| -HlaueipHld SATURDAY Evening TOSI, tNt
admirable sketches by j. C. Neal, tn,
Dickens OF America. The first Of thes,
sketches introduces Mr.. Peleg W. Pom,
der, as "the politician without side"
Mr.. Ponder, as his name Indicates, nevel
decided any thing hastily-in fact neyel
decided at all. Mr.. Neal first gives Vi
some general account of the birth anc
lparentage Of Mr.. Ponder:
| His mothers name was Mrs. Perpiexi
ty Ponder. whose earthly career came tc
an end, while she was 10 dubitation as &c
which OF the various physicians of the
Iplace should be called 10. II there had
been oaly one doctor in the town, Perplex
ity Ponder might have been saved. Bul
| there were many aud what covld Per.
plexity do in such cose?
Ponder's father was run over by wag-
| on, as he stood debating with himself, lr
the middle ofthe road. whether he should
lescape forward, or retract backwards.
and between them both, old Ponder be-
came victim.
One of Peleg's daily difficulties was in
not being able to answer the question,
show are you2"
"People," he says, care always asking
me how do, and more than half the time
| can't tell-there's good many different
sorts of ways of feeling betwixt and be.
tween, very sick. thank you and hal
idead, | am obliged to YOU and people
won't stop to hear you explain the matter.
| They want to know right smack, when
you don't know right smack YOURSELF
Sometimes you feel things a. coming, and
lust after, you feel things a going. And
nobody's exactly prime all the while
amt anyhow-l'm kinder so, Just now,
and I'm sorter t'other way, just after
Then. some people tell you that you look
very well. when you don't feel very well
how then?"
| Attable Peleg is not exactly sure what
he will take; and sits looking slowly uT
aud down the board, celebrating what
he would like, until the rest Of the COM
pany nave finished their repast, there be.
ing often nothing left which suits Peleg's
hesitating appetite.
Peleg has never married-not that he
is averse to the connubial state-on .he
contrary, he has a large share Of the
suscepubilities, and is always partially in
love. But female beauty is so various.
''If there wasn't so many of them,
shouldn't be so bothered,'' said Peleg
cor, if they all looked alike, man
couldn't help himself. But yesterday
wanted this one--to- day, | want that one;
ard how can tell, if should get this
or that, or t'other that it wouldn't soon
be somebody else that really wanted
That is the difficulty. |, always happens
so with me.-When the Iady's most court.
ed and thinks ought to speak out, then
begin TO be skeered, for fear I've made
a mistake and have been thinking | loved
her when | didn't. May be IT'S not the
right one--may be she won't suit ma
be might do better-may be had bet.
ter not venture at ALL | wish there wasn'r
so many may bes' about every thing, es
pecially in such affairs. I've got at Least
a dozen unfinished coutships on hand
already"
Mr. Ponder is next introduced TO us as
a poltican-his fortune becomes impair
ed, and he wants an office. But here
difficulties increase.
For whom shall Peleg shout?
Behold bin, as he puzzles over the re-
turns Of the State Elections, laboring il
vain to satisfy his mind as to the result II
the Presidential contest. Supplied BY
fgures--petplexed by contradictory state
mrus- both' red by the general hurrah
what can Peleg do?
"WEo's going to win That's all
want to know" exclaIms the vexed Pc
leg 81 don't want TO waste nv time
blowing out for the wrong person, ant
never get a .hank'ee. What's the use o
that? There's Simpkins 1, Slmp
kins. says /, which is the party tina, can
be beat? Aud SImpkins turns up hi
nose and tells me every fool knows tina
its his side--so hurrah for Smpkin'
side as hard as | can. Bot then CONF
Timpkius--Timpkins' side is t'other sid
from Simpkns' side, and Timpkns offer,
to bet me three levies that his side is the
side that can't be beat. Hurrah says |
for Timpkins' side land then can, tel
which side.
GAS for the newspapers, THAT'S worse
still. They not only crow all round, bu;
they cypher il out so clear that both sides
must win, If there's any truth ia the cy.
phering book, which the isn't about cleo
ton times. Whnt's to be donea I've
tried going to all the meetings--l've hur-
rad for every body--l've been in all the
professions, and sit lille while in all
sorts of head quarters. I've got one kind
OF documents in one pocket, and t'other
kind of documents in t'other pocket; and
as go home at night, | sing one sort oil
song as loud as can bawl, half the way,
and try another sort OF song the rest oil
the way. just TO split the difference aud
show my impartiality. III only had two
votes--a couple of 'em, how nice it would
be-"
"But the best thing that can be done
now guess, as my character is establish.
ed both ways, is 10 turn in quietly till the
row is all over. Nobody will miss me
when they're so busy and afterwards
when we know all about it, just look for
Peleg w. Ponder as he comes down the
streets, shaking people by the hand. and
saying how we have used them up. /
can,t cav 81 now or would-for | am