Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1845-07-08
Hrs. Caudles Curtain Lectures.
LECTURE XVII.

Caudie in the course Of the day has rcn
tired 10 question the economy Of ",sash
ing at home.'
"PooH A pretty temper you come &c
bed in, Mr. caudle. can see Oh +; dom
deny i'll think ought to know by This
time. But lis always the way whenever
do up few things, the house can hardly
hold you Nobody cries cut more faboul
clean linen than you do-and nobody lead.
poor woman SO miserable life when she
tries to make her husband comfortable !
You needn't keep chewing the word, as il
you couldn't swallow it. Was there erer
such ,coman /? No Caudle-; hope not:
| should hope no other wife was ever put
upon as am! It's all very well for you.
| can't have little wash at home like any
body else, but you must go abou; the house
swearing to yourself, and looking at your
wife as if she was your bitlerest enemy. -
But suppose you'd rather we didn't wash
at all. Yes then you'd be happy! To be
sure you would-you'd like TO have all the
children in their dirt, like potatoes any.
thing, so that it didn't disturb you. wish
you'd had wife who'd never washed
she'd have suited you, she would Yes a
fine lady, who'd have let your children 60
that you might have scrapeI 'em. Shed
have been much better cared for than am.
only wish could let all Of you go with
out clean linen at all-yes, all Of you.
wish could And if wasn't slave to
my family, unlike anybody else, should.
"No, Mr.. Caudle the house isn't toss
cd about in water as if it was Noah's Ark!
And YOU ought to be ashamed of yourself
TO talk of Noah'sArk in that loose manner.
Pm sure | don't know what Pve done to be
married 10 man Of such principles. No;
and the whole house doesn't taste Of soap-
suds either; and if it did, any other man
but Yourself would be above naming it.
suppose don't like washing-day any more
than yourself. Wait do GU say? Yes ;
[ do Ha you're wrong there Mr.. eau
die. No; | don't like it, because it makes
everybody else uncomfortable. No; and
ought not to have been born a mermaid
that might always have been in water
A mermaid, indeed What next will you
call me But no man, Mr. Caudle, says
such things to his wife as you, However,
as I've said before, it can't last long that's
one comfort. What do you say? You're
glad ofu? You're brute, Mr.. Caudle
No, you didn't mean washing know
what you meant. A pretty speech to a
woman who's teen the wife to you have
You'll repent i, when it's to late yes,
wouldn't have your feelings when Pm gone
Candle no, no. for the Bank Of Eng
land.
"And when we only wash once fort
night Ha! only wish you had some
wives they'd wash once week! Besides
if once forinight's too much for you,why
don't you give me money that we may have
things to go a mouth Is it my fault, il
we'er short What do you say Ny
'once a fortnight lasts three days No it
doesn't; never: well, very seldom, and
that's the same thing. Can help it, if
the blacks VIII fly, and the things must be
ripsed again ! No: Pm not made happy
by the blacks, and they don't prolong my
enjoymer, and, more than that, you're
an unfeeing man to say so. You're e.
nough to make woman wish herself in
her grave-you are, Caudle.
land pretty example you set 10 your
sons Because we'd little wash to-day,
and there wasn't hot dinner-and who
thinks of getting anything hot for washer
women ?-because you hadn't every thing
as you always have it, you must swear al
the cold mutton-and you don't know what
:hat mutton cost pound, dare say-you
must swear at a sweet, wholesome JOINT like
lord. What? You doY't srear? Yes
it's very well for you to say so; but
know when you're swearing; and you
swear when you little think it; and | say
you must go on swearing as you did, and
seize your hat like a savage, and rush. out
Of the house, and go and take your dinner
at tavern !! A pretty wife people must
think you have, when they find you dining
at public house. A nice home they
must think you have, Mr.. Caudle What
You'H do so erery time 1 rash Very well
Mr.. Caudle-very well. We II soon see
who's tired Of that, first: for III wash o
stocking day, if that's all, sooner than
you should have everything as you like it
Ha tha,'l SO like you : you'd trample
everybody under your foot, if VOC could
you know you would, Caudle, SO don't dc
ny it.
NOW, if you begin to shout in that
manner, I'll leave the bed. lis very hard
that can't say single word 10 you, but
you must almost raise the place. Yea
didn't shout ? | don't know what shouting.
is then! Pm sure the people must hear you
in the rex, house. Not won't do to
call me soft names, now, Caudle I'm mol
the fool that | was when | was first mar
ried-t know better now. You're TO treat
me in the manner you have, all day and
then at night, the only time and place
when can get word in, you want to 90
to sleep. How can you be so mean, eau
! die
"What Why can't put the ,rashiny
out Now, you have asked me that a
thousand times, but its no use, Eaudle so
don't ask it again. won't put il out
What do you say, Mrs. PreHymaa says
its quite as cheap? Pray, what's Mrs,
Prettyman to me | should think, Mr..
Caudle. that know very well how to take
care of my family, without Mrs. Pretty
mans advice. Mrs Preryman, indeed
| | only wish she'd come here. that | might
tell her so Mrs. Pretiyman! But peihaps
she'd better come and take care of your
house for you Oh, yes I've no doubt
sha,d do !, nnurh hetfsr than I do-n,,rb