Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1845-06-12
.AunU1singo
FROM THK LONDON PUNCH.
MRS. CAUDLE's
Gu RTAIN LIE c TU RES.
Mr.. Candle Aas lent fee pounds 20 a friend.


wonder who'd lend you FIVE poundsl--
Bu. so il is, wife may work and may
slavel Ha, dearl the many things that
might have been done with FIVE poundsl
As if people pick up money IN the street,
But you always were fool, Mr.. Caudlel
I've wanted black satin gown these
three years, and five pounds would have
pretty well bought it. Bui IT'S no matter
how go--not at all. Every body says
| do1't dress as becomes your wite---and
know il: but what's that 10 you, Caudle2
Nothing. Oh no! you can have fine
feelings for every body but those belong.
ing 10 you. wish people knew you as
| do--,ha.'s all. You like 10 be called
Iiberal--and your family pays for it.
"All the girls want bonneis, and when
they are to get em | can't tell. Halt five
pounds would have bough, 'em-but now
they must 60 without. OF course they
belong to you; and anybody but your
own flesh ard blood, Mr.. Caude.
1.-The man called for the water rate
to-day; but should like to know how peo-
pounds TO every fellow that asks them.
"Perhaps you don't know tina, Jack,
this morning, Knocked his shuttle cock
through the bedroom window. | was GO
ing to send for glazies to mend il: but
after you lent the five pounds was sure
we couldn't ford it. Oh mol the window
must go as it is: and pretty weather for
dear child to sleep with broken window.
He's got cold already ON his lungs, and
shouldn't at all wonder il that broken
window don't settle him--if the dear boy
dies, his death will be upon his fathers
head; for Pm sure we can't now pay to
mend windows. We might though, and
do good Rlany more things, if people
didn't throw away their five pounds.
"Next Tuesday The fire insurance is
due. should like to know how il is TO
be paid. Why /, can't be paid at ALL
The FIVE pounds would have just done il
land now, insurance is out of the cues
ton. And there were never so many
fires as there are now. shall never close
my eyes all night, but what's tha. to you,
SO people call you liberal, Mr.. CaudeY
Your wife aud children burnt alive in
their beds--so all Of us to certainty
shall be, for the insurance must drop
And after we've insured for SO many
years! But how, ! should like TO know,
are people to insure, who make ducks and
brakes Of their five pounds.
81 did think we might 90 10 Margate
this summer. There's poor little Caro-.
line, I'm sue she wants the sea. But
no, dear creature, she must stay at home
shell go into consumption, there's no
doubt Of that; yes, dear little angel--l've
made up my mind 10 lose her, now. The
child might have been saved; but people
can't save their children and throw away
their FIVE pounds, too.
81 wonder where poor little Cherub isl
While you were lending that five pounds
the dog ran out Of the shop. You know
| never let it go into the street for fear il
should be bitby some mad dog, and come
home and bite all the children. 1t wouldn't
now at all astonish me il the animal was
to come back with the hydrophoba, and
give it to all the family. However,
what's your family 10 you, so you can
play the liberal creature with five pounds.
"Do you hear that shutter, how its
banging 10 aud frol Yes--I know what
it wants as well as you, il wants new
fastening. | was going to send Tor the
blacksmith to-day. But now its out of
the question; now it must bang of nights
since you have thrown away five pounds.
"Well, things have come to pretty
pass!-This IS the first night ever made
my supper off roast beef without pickles.
But who Is TO afford pickles when folks
are always lending FIVE pounds.
"Ah! there's the SCOT falling down the
chimney. III hate the smell ofanything,
it's the smell of SCOT. And you know it;
aud what are my feelings to youl Sweep
The chimney! Yes, IFS all very fine to
say sweep the chlmney--but how are
chImneys 10 be swept--how are they 10
be paid for by people who don't take care
of their five pounds'
"Do you hear the mice running about
the roomf | hear them. they were
only TO drag you out os bed, il would be
no matter. Set a trap for EN-. But how
are people 10 afford the cheese, when eve.
ny day they lose five poundsl
"Hark! Pm sure there's a noise down
stairs. II wouldn', at all surprise me il
there were thieves in the house. Well,
1t may be the cat; but thieves are sure to
come in some night. Theresa wretch.
ed fastening to the back door; bur these
are no times 10 afford bolts and bars, whe.
fools won't take care Of their five pounjs.
"Mary Ann ought to have gone to the
dentists tomorrow. She wants three
teeth taken out. Now il cant be done,
Three teeth that quite dis6gure the child.
mouth. But there they must stop. AMI
spoil the sweetest face that ever was mad,
Otherwise she'd been wife for lord
Now, when she grows up, who'll have
heri Nobody. We shall die and leave
her alone and unprotected in the world
But what do you care Cor thatl Nothing;
so you can squander away five pounds.
land now, see. Mr.. Caudle, what Q
misery you've brough, upon your wretch.
ed family can't have satin gown
the girls can't have new bonuets--the wa
ter ratio must stand over--Jack must ger
his death through broken window--ou