Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1845-06-27
..i From the ST. Louis Reville.
SWALLOWING OYSTERS ALIVE.
At a late hour the o,her.nis|t, the door


He was quite six feet high. spare. somewhat
stopped, with hungry, anxious countenance,
and his hands pushed clear down to the bot
tom of his breaches pockets. His outer COW
ering was hard 10 define, but after surveying
HIM minutely, we came to the conclusion
that his suit had been made in his boyhood,
of dingy, yellow linsey- wolsey, and that.
having sproued up with astonishing rapidly,
he had been forced to piece it out with all
colors, in order to keep pace with his body.
In spite Of his exertions, however, he had
fallen in arrears about foot Of the necessary
length, and consequently, stuck that far
through his inexpressibles. His crop of hair
was surmounted with the funniest little seal
cap imaginable. After taking a position, he
INDUCED in long stare at the man opening
the biralvcs, and slowly calculated listers?
Yes. sir responded the attentive opera
tor--'and finc ones they are, too"
well, I've hcarn tell Of listers afore,' says
he, 'bu, this is the fust time I've seed 'em,
and prchaps III know what thar made Of
afore git out of town.
Having expressed this desperate intention,
he cautiously approached plate and scruiin-
lied the deceased shell fish with a gravity
and interest which would have done honor to
the most illustrious searcher into the hidden
mysteries of nature. At length he began TO
soliloquize on the difficulty Of getting them
out, aud how queer they looked when ont.
Il never seed any thing hold on so-takes
an amazin' site of screwin.' boss. to get 'em
out, and aint they slick and slip'ry when they
does come? Smooth as an eel I've a
good mind 10 give that Teller lodgings, Just
10 realize the effects, as uncle Jess used to
say about spekelatIon.'
well, SIR was the reply, down with two
bits, and you can have dozen.'
1.-Two bits!' exclaimed the Sucker, now
come, that's sticking it on rite strong, boss,
for listers. A dozen on 'em amt nothin' to
a chicken, and there's no eittir' more'n a
picayune pice for them. I've only relied
foriy-fve picayune's On my fist ventur' TO
st. Louis. tell yon what, III gin you two
chickens for dozen, if you'll conclude to
deal.'
A wag who was standing by, INDUCING in
dozen, winked TO the attendant to 'she
OUT and the offer was accepted.
Now mind repeated the Sucker, 'all'!
fair-two chickens for dozen-you're wit
ness, mister turning at the same time 10 the
wag, none of your tricks, for I've hearn tel
that your city ieIiS's are nifty slip'ry coons.
The bargain being understood, our Suck
err squared himself for the onset--delberate'
ly put of his seal-skin, tucked up his sleeve.
and, fork in hand, awaited the appearance o
No. /. 1t came--he saw--and quickly il
was boiled A moments dreadful pause
ensued. The wag dropped his knife and forI
with look of mingled amazement and hor
ror--somethng akin to Shakspeare's Ham
let on seeing his daddy's ghost--while HI
> burst into the exclamation
: Swallowed alice, as I'm Christian
: Our Sucker hero had opened his moutl
with pleasure moment before, but now
stood open. Fear--a horrid dread Of
, he didn't know what--a consciousness tina
a all wasn't right, and ignorant of the extent O
: the wrOng--the uncertainty of that momen
:, was terrible. Urged to deportation, he fal
u tered out
: 'What on airth is the row 2
Did you swallow it alive = inquired tn
wag.
Il swallowed it jest as he gin it to me
= shouted the Sucker. .....
i you're dead man. exclaimed his anx
IS ious friend; the creature is aliue, and WI
d eat right through YOU added he, in mo.
u hopeless tone.
r 'Git a pizen pump and pump it out
= screamed the Sucker, in a frenzy, his eye
+ fairly starting from their sockets. 'Oh era
y cions what'll I do It's got hold of m
= innards already, and I'm as dead as a chici
& en,--do someihin' for me, do--don't let II
l. internal tea-toad eat me right afore 20,
l. eyes .,....
re why don't you put some Of this on't
he inquired the wag, pointing to a bottle {
s. strong pepper sauce.
b the instant, seized the bottle, and, desperate
* ly wrenching out the cork, swallowed half Il
Il contents al draught. -."
ly He fairly squealed from its effects, al
es gasped, and blowed, and pitched, and twis
70 ed, as if II were Sn.csing through him wi
Is electric effect, while al the same time i
C. eyes ran a stream Of tears. At length, b
at coming little composed, his waggish advs
st, approached, almost bursting with Suppress
On laughter, and inquired
Isl How are you now, old fcllow--did y,
a kill III
well l did, hoss-ugh-ugh-o-o.o, II
lrt innards. If that ister critters dyin, agoni
u didn't STIR ruction in me equal to a sm
r. airihquake, then tain, no use in sayin' it
&C. squirmed like sarpent when that killen ST.
es, touched it; but'-and here, with count
he nance made up Of suppressed agony a
present determination, he paused as ITO 81
in force to his words, and slowly and delhi
-. rately remarked, If you gi, two chicke
'u' from me for that live animal, I'll be Id
Is' and seizing his seal skin no vanished.
ar The shout OF laughter, and the contor,io
tic Of the company at his finale, would ha
made spectator believe that they had
been swallowing oysters alive = 30, ....
9p n. "Johu, did you leave Mr.. Jones' umbre
'eS at home 7" .... .
,ce "No, ma"
ual sand why did you not, my sonl Did
| tell you to 7"
on. "Yes. you did. ina, but didn't you
ght ways tell me 10 keep something for raj
our day, and as it looks as il tomorrow wo'
be wet, wha, better thing can keep Than
umb rellal"
to %" I'm expecting line from the sh
nj it," as the man said when GA his way TO
gallows.