American Republican and Baltimore daily clipper. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1844-1846, 1845-04-26
From the london Pnnch.l

strange USES ln-WOnldN, y, II. IL.
FIOm the London Punch.]
MRS, CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.
Lecture on Mr.. CauiC's Shirt Buttons.
Here Mr.. Caudle, hope you're in little
better temper than you were this morning.
There-you needn' begin to whistle; people
don't come to bed to whistle But it's ike you.
| can't speak, that you don't try TO insult me-.
Once, | used to say, you were the best creature
living: now, you get quite tiend. Do let you
rest; No, won't let you rest. It's the only
time have to talk to you, and you shall hear
me- I'm put upon all day long it's very hard
if | can't speak word at night; and il isn't Of
ten open my mouth, goodness knows!
Because once in your lifetime your shirt
wanted button, you must almost swear the
roof off the house. You didn't swear? Ha,
MIR. Caudle! you don't know what you do when
your in passion. You were not in passion
wer'n't you? Well, then, don't know what
passion is-and think ought by this time
've lived long enough with you, Mr. Caudle,
TO know that.
OTIS pity you hav'nt something worse to
complain Of than button off your shirt. If
you'd some wives, you would, | know. I'm
sure I'm never without needle-and-thread in
my hand. What withoutyou and the children,
I'm made perfect slave of. And what's my
thanks! Why if once in your life buttons Off
your shlrt-what do you cry oh at: say
once, Mr. Caudle; or twice, or three times, at
most. Pm sure, Caudle, no mans buttons in
the world are better looked after than yours.
| only wish I'd kept the shirts you had when
you were first married! | should like TO know
where were your buttons then?
eyes, it is worth talking of! But that's how
you always try 10 put me down You fly into
a rage, and then il only try to speak you
won't hear me. That's how you men always
will have all the talk to yourselves; poor O.
man isn't allowed to get word i'll.
"a nice notion you have of wife, to sup
pose she's nothing to think of but her husband
buttons, A pretty notion, indeed, you have of
marriage. Ha if poor women only knew what
they had to go through! What, with buttons,
and one thing aud another! They'd never tie
themselves up to the best man in the world,
I'm sure. What would they do, Mr.. Caudlei
Why, do much better without you, Pm GER
tain.
"And it's my belief, after all, that the button
wasn't off the SHIFTS my belief that you
pulled 1t of, that you might have something to
talk about. Oh, you're aggravating enough,
when you like for any thing! All | know is,
it's very odd that the button should be off the
shirt; for I'm sure 10 woman's greater slave
to her husbands buttons than am. | only
say, it's very odd.
"Howeyer, there's one comfort; it can't last
long. I'm worn TO death with your temper,
and sha'n't trouble you a great while. Ha, you
may laugh! And dare say you would laugh!
| I've no doubt of it! That's your love-that S
your feeling! know that I'm sinking every
dav, though | say nothing about it. And when
| I'm gone, we shall see how your second wife
will look after your buttons You'll find out
the difference, then. Yes, Caudle you'll think
Of me, then: for then, hope, you'll never have
blessed button to your back.
"No, Pm not yindlctive woman, Mr.. eau
die; nobody ever called me that, bat YOU
What do you say? Nobody ever knew so
much of mei That's nothing at all to do with
it. Ha! | wouldn't have your aggravatlng
temper, Caudle, for mines of gold It's a
good thing I'm not as worrying as you are-or
a nice house there'd be between US. | only
wish you'd had wife that would have talked
to you! then you'd have known the difference.
But you impose upon me, because, like poor
fool, say nothing. | should be ashamed of
myself, Caudle.
"And pretty example you set as 4 father!
iou IL HiuhC JouI uOyS dS uou uS y
Talking as you did all breakfast time about
your buttons! And Of Sunday morning too!
And you call yourself Christian! | should
like to know what your boys will say OF you
when they grow up? And all about paltry
button off one of your wristbands; decent
man wouldn't have mentioned it. Why won't
| hold my tongue? Because won't hold my
tongue. Pm to have my peace of mind de-
stroyed-l'm to be worried into my grave for a
miserable shirt-button, and Pm to hold my
tongue Oh! but that's Just like you, men!
"But know what IN do for the future
Every button you have may drop off, and |
won't so much as put thread to 'em. And
should Ike to know what you'll do then? Oh,
you must get somebody else to sew 'em, must
your That's a pretty threat for husband to
hold out to wife? And to such wife as I've
been too, such negro slave to your buttons,
as may say! Somebody else to sew em eh;
No, Caudle, no: not while I'm alive! When
Pm dead-and with what have to bear there's
no knowing how soon that may be-when lm
dead. | say-oh! what brute you must be tc
snore so!
"You're not snoringl Ha! that's what you
always saw but that's nothing to do with it,
You must get somebody else to sew 'em, mus
you? Ha! | shouldn't wonder. Oh no!
should be surprised at nothing, now! Nothing