The daily union. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1845-1857, 1845-07-30
MRS. CAUDLE's CURTAIN LECTURES.

this subject my further memories OF the poet
MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.
LECTURE XVII.
From the London Punch
Caudle, in The course Of the day. has penttued TO question
the economy Of ",oashing al home"
Pooh! A pretty temper you come to bed in, Mr..
Caudle, can see! Oh don't deny it, think
ought to know by this time. But it's always the
way! whenever get up few things, the house can
hardly hold you! Nobody cries out more about
clean linen than you do; and nobody leads poor
woman so miserable life when she tries to make
Portable! You needn't keep chewing the word, as
if you couldn't swallow it. Was there ever such a
woman No, Caudle; hope not | should hope
no other wife was ever put upon as am! It's all
very well for you. can't have little wash at
home like anybody else but you must go about the
house swearing to yourself, and looking at your
wife if she was your btterest enemy. But |
suppose you'd rather didn't wash at ALL Yes;
then you'd be happy! To be sure you would; you'd
like to have all the children in their dirt like pota-
toes anything, 80 that it didn't disturb you wish
you'd had wife who'd never washed-shed have
suited you, she would. Yes; fine lady, who'd
have lie. your children go that you might have
scraped EN- Shed have been much better cared
for than am only wish could let all of you 60
without clean linen at all-yes, all of you wish
could! And if wasn't a slave to my family, UNI
like anybody else. u should.
No, Mr.. Caudle; the house isn't tossed about in
water as if it was Noah's ark! And YOU ought to
be ashamed Of yourself to talk of Noah's ark in
that loose manner. I'm sure don't know what
I've done to be married to man of such principles.
Mo- and the whole house doesn't taste of soap-suds
either; and if it did, any other man but yourself
would be above naming it. suppose don't like
washng-day any more than yourself What do you
We, ~ Hal "a n
Caudle. No; don't like it because it makes every
body else uncomfortable. No; andI ought not to have
been born a mermaid, that might always have
teen in water. mermaid, indeed! What next
will you call mei But no man, Mr.. Caude, says
such things to his wife you. However, as I've
SAID before, it can't sst long, that's one comfort
What do you say You're glad Of IL! You're a
brute, Mr. Caudle! No, you didn't mean washing:
| know what you meant. A pretty speech to a
woman who's been the wife to you have! You'll
repent it when it's too late: yes, wouldn't have
your feelings when am gone, Caude; no, not for
the Bank of England
And when we only wash once a fortnight Hal
only wish you had some wives: they'd wash once
week! Besides, ifonce fortnight's too much for
you, why don't you give me money that may
have things to 60 month"; Is it my fault, if we're
short' What do you say My 'once fortnight
lasts three days2 No it doesn't; never; well, very
seldom, and that's the same thing. Can help il,
il the blacks will fly and the things must be linsed
again' No; I'm not made happy by the blacks,
and they don't prolong my enjoyment; and, more
than that, you're an nnfeeling man to say YOU'RE
enough to make a woman wish herself in her grave
you are, Caudle.
And pretty example you set to your sons Be-
cause we'd little wash to-day, and there wasn't a
hot dinner-and who thinks Of getting anything hot
for Observation-Disclosures you hadn't everything
as you always have it, you must swear at the cold
mutton--and you don't know what that mutton cost
pound, ! dare say-you must swear at sweet,
wholesome joint, like lord What You didn't
s,cedr? Yes it's very well for you to say so; but
know when you're swearing; and you swear when
you little think it; and say you must go
ing as you did, and seize your hat like savage,
and rush out of the house, and go and take your
dinner at tavern A pretty wife people must
think you have, when they find you dining at a
public house. A nice home they must think you
have, Mr.. Caudlei What You'll do so every time
Iiuash? Very we'll Mr. Caudle-very well. Wen
soon see who's tired Of that first for I'll wash a
stocking day, if that's all, sooner than you should
have everything as you like. Fla! that's so like
you; you'd trample everybody under foot, if you
could-you know you would, Caude, so don't
deny it.
Now, if you begin to shout in that manner, III
leave the bed. It's very hard that can't say sin
gle word to you, but you must almost raise the
place You didn't shout? | don't know what you
call shouting, then! Pm sure the people must hear
you in the next house. No; it won't do to call me
soft names, now, Caudle: I'm not the fool that
was when was first married. know better now.
You're to treat me in the manner you have all day;
and then at night, the only time and place when |
can get word In, you want to go to sleep. How
can you be so mean, Caudle,
What Why can't put The ,cashing o,t? Now,
you have asked that thousand times but it's no
use, Caudle; so don't ask it again. | won't put il
out. What do you say Mrs. Pretitpnan says IFS
quite as cheap? Pray, what's Mrs. Preuyman to me;
| should think, Mr.. Caudle, that know very well
how TO take care of my family, without Mrs. Pret-
tyman's advice, Mrs. Prettyman indeed! | only
wish she'd come here, that might tell her so! Mrs.
Prettyman! But perhaps she'd better come and
take care of your house for you! Oh, yes! I've no
doubt she'd do il much better than do--much.
No, Caudle, I,oonf hold my tongel think ought
to be mistress ofmy own washing by this time; and
after the wife I've been to you it's cruel Of you to
go on as you do.
Don't tell me about putting the washing out
say it isn't so cheap don't care whether you
wash by the dozen or MOTT isn't so cheap; I've re-
duced everything, and | save, at least, shilling @
week. What do you say "A trimpery shilling
Ha! only hope to goodness you'll not come to
want, talking Of shillings in the way you do. Now
don't begin about your comfort: don't go on aggra.
waiting me, and asking me if your comforts moi
worth shilling week. That's nothing at all to dc
with it--nothing but that's your way-when
talk of one thing you talk of another; that's so like
You men, and you knowit. Allow me to tell you
Mr.. Caudle, that shilling week is two pound
twelve year; and take two pound twelve year
for, let US say, thirty years. und-wel, you needn't
groan, MIR. Caudle, | don't suppose il will be SC
long; OH no! you'll have somebody else to look Of
ter your washing long before that-and, if it wasn'
for my dear childrens sake, | shouldn't care how
soon You know my mnd-and so, good night
Mr. Caudle.
Thankful for her sience,n writes Mr.. Caudle
81 was fast dropping TO sleep; when, nudgng my
elbow, my wife observed: Mind, there's the cold
mutton tomorrow; nothing hot till that's gone. Re-
member, too, as it was a short wash to-day, we
wash again on Wednesday,"