Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1845-06-26

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VARIETY.
o. We CLEAN most Of tie following
ieh and rscy anecdotes from Major
Nosh's Random Readings"
There is'a man on Long Island. 90
short-sigated. sihai be csn't sec to sleep
without specs. "
Are you Fondea tongue. sisg wa.
al-sys iond ol tongue. MADAM, aud I
like i siifL
DO YOU smoke : Ne. usuall} bot
: our kitchen chimney does eouioOndedIy.'
! 81 wonder, said = woman OF spirit
why my husband and quarrel 30 often.
for We agree unilormlyin one grand point;
be wishes 10 be master and 50 DO l..
-Isska 81
What l. that which female frequently
looks Tor yet never wishes 10 ind s-A
hole % her stpcking. -
BE collected, IS Tie Iraatsman said 10
huge pile Of unpaid bills scattered over
The desk.
you can't complain as the highway.
man remarked. when he shot the travel
lsrss
=
4. "A nah. intending 10 refuse challenge
ioa duel. accepted il in state Of absence
OF mind. The consequences was, that be
discovered his mistake when the challen.
ger ran of. and has bot been heard Of
! since.
Another man intending 10 butter "a
piece Of bread, buttered bis wife:s tongue
He discovered his error, when he found
che could not seold. but Ehst her words
slipped out as smooth asyou please.
'How,many genders are there 7, asked
. schoolmaster. Three. SIR prom pily
replied little blGe-syes ftnasc1line, lenis
nine. and neuier. Pray, give mefan
example ofeach. said the master. Why,
you are masculine. because you ate
man and am feminine, because am a
gitl. stVery we'll. Proceed i don't
know. said the little girl. but reckon
: Mr.. Jenkins is neuie4, as be is an old
bachelor
Ven you are married man, Samuel,
you'll understand good many things as
you don't understand now; but ye;her
its worth while going through so much o
!. learn so1uile, asIhe chad,y boy said ven
he got foSibe end Of ttgaalpbabet, is a
matter.o'laste. ! rather thipk'it isn't.
A, young woman alighted from stage
coach near Marbe bead, ~ihe other day,
when piece ofTiRbon detached itself
from her bonnet. and FELL into The bottom
I Of the carriage. You have left YOUR bow
behind. saba lady .Rasssiiger. sINo. /
hayn't, he's gone a fishing, innocenAe re-
joined The damsel. and proceedes1xon her
way rejoicing. Oh + the simplicity Of
true love I'll.
WHAT'S the matter with you Z, said a
gentleman 10 an old Dulchmau, as he was
crossing the Park. / got de rhpnsiis'
hegenilemsn advised him iorub him
self with brandy until il penetrated we'll
oh. man. ! dosh peter as dat replied
Mynheer; i drinks lie brandy, and den
Tubs my leg wit ie potlle.'
Al an execution in Dublin, many years
ago, the hangman received present 81
guinea ffom the culprit. Overjoyed at
such an unexpected gift, be exclaimed,
Long lille 10 your honor = At the same
time. he drew The bolt that launched the
unhappy man INTO eternity.
Paddy o Leary told Frenchman The
other day. that the principal meat in Ire.
land was potatoes.
Queer philosophers these children.
Ma. do combs eat 2 No, child. .W.eil,
what do they have teeth for 2
1Allow me 10 have the pleasure Of your
company, as the eagle said 10 the lamb.
Music and drawing taught here as
The man said when be was pulling an IN.
creased hand cart through the streets.
81
Roux. the famous surgeon Of Paris, has
extracted the cataract more than 6,000l
times Wonder how long it would take
him TO extractfhe cataract Of Niagara
i
Master Buggins come up Apd tell me
who was Cleopatra Cleopatra was sis
Ter to one Of ahe pyramids Of Hegypi,l
and come 10 her unhappy eend by swsl-
leriu' Of aswasp.' Good boy, good boy |
you'll be arGibboa one Of these days
There i q man in Philadelphia, so
sharp minded that he shaves himself by
mere mental operation. This. is goin'
little ahead Of the patent stop aud silver
steel razors.
A traveller stepping in a, an inn down
east. was asked how the business. men in
New York were getting along oh,
snsweredJthe traveller. many Of them
have got upon their legs again. How