Wisconsin herald, and Grant County advertiser. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1844-1845, 1845-12-27
The DinneroIogy OfEngHand'

HE EBAEREEcEOkVSg Oh EkaSs AaARN'
Man is the only animal that cooks
his dinner before he eats it. All other
species of the same genus are content
to take the provisions of nature as they
find il: but mans reason has designed
pots and roasting, Jacks, stewpans and
bakers ovens; thus opening wide
field for the exercise of that culinary
ingenuity which has rendered the
names of Glasse and Kitchener immor-
tai. OF such importance is the CASTRO
nomic art to the well being of Eng
land, that we question much if the
"wooden walls" which have been the
theme of many song, afford the same
protection as her dinners. The an
clients sought. by the distribution OF
crowns and flowers, to stimulate the
enterprising and reward the success
full; but England, despising such emp
ty honors and distinctions, tempts the
difident with haunch of venison, and
rewards the daring with real turtle.
If charity seeks the aid of the be-
nevolent, she no longer trusts to the
magic of oratory to "melt the tender
soul to pity" and unite the purse
strings; but, grown wise by experience,
she sends in her card in the shape of "a
guinea ticket, bottle of wine included;'
and thus appeals, if not to the heart, at
least to its next door neighbor-the
stomach.
The hero is no longer conducted to
the temple of victory amid the shouts
of his grateful and admiring country
men, but to the Freemasons, Crown
and Anchor, or the town Hall, there to
have his plate heaped with the choicest
viands, bis glass filed from the best
bins, aud his health drank with three
times three, and little one in"
The hard has now TO orper;onoo
sthe happiest moment of his life amid
the gingling Of glasses, the rattle OF
dessert plates, and the stentorian voci-
ferations Of the toast-master to change
syour glasses, gentlemen-Mr. Dyo-
nysius Dactyi, the ornament of the
age, with nine times nine,' and to pour
out the food of his poetic gratitude.
with half glass of port in one hand
and table-napkin in the other.
The Cicero who has pursuaded an
enlightened body of electors TO receive
10000 decimaIed amongst Them
and has in return the honor of sleeping
in ST. Stephens, and smoking in Bell
amy's, or, to be less fgurative, who ha:
been returned as their Representative
in Parliament, receives the foretastc Of
his importance in public dinner
which commentaries his election, or,
should he desire to express the deer
sense Of his gratitude like Lord Ma
hon at Hartford, he cannot better
prove his sincerity than by the liberia
distribution of invitations for the un.
restrained consumption of mutton, and
the unlimited inhibition of foreign
wines and spirituous liquors.
If a renegade, like Sir Francis Bur
dett,is DESTROYS of making his aposta
cy the theme of general remark-o
surprising the world with an exhibition
Of Frustrated worth-let him not seel
tie market-cross TO publish his dishon
or, whilst there remains the elevated
chair at a dinner-table. Let him prove
himself entitled to be ranked as a man
by the elaborate manner in which HI
seasons his soup or anatomises joint
Let him have the glass and towel
the one to cool the tongue, which mus
burn with the fulsome praises of thos
whom he has hitherto decried, and tht
other as ready appliance TO concea
the blush which must rush to the cheel
from the consciousness ofthe thousand
recollections of former profession
awakened in the minds of every ap
plauder Of his apostacy. Let him haV
Toole to give bold utterance 10 tn
tOasts which, in former years, woul'
have called forth his contumely and ia
dignalion, and which, even now, h
dare only whisper, lest the echo of hi
own voice should be changed into
curse. Let him have wine, that hi
blood may riot through his veins an
drive memory onward. Let him hav
- wine, that when the hollow cheers c
Lies ring in his ears he ma
of understanding thei
or, when he rises TO n
- p service of his fellor