Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1845-02-07
Parody on the Declaration OF
Indie uendence-

"e SALISBURY (N.C.) VatCnndn tellS
story of a tavern keeper, who having grown
rich grew very careless; and so offended
the lawyers by whom his house had for
years been filled, that. during one crowded
session of the court, they with one accord
forsook him. leaving behind them the fol-
lowing parody on the Declaration of Inde-
pendence:
"When, in the course of human events,
it becomes necessary for half-fed. impoz
seldom set of men, to. sdissoiseshe band of
landlord and boartler, decent respect for
the opinion of mankind requires that they
should declare the causes which have i'm
PEELED them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self evident;
that all men are created with stomachs;
that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain inalienable rights among
which are, that no man should be compel
led to starve, out of mere compliance to a
landlord, and that every man has a right
to fill his stomach and wet his whistle with
the best that's going.
The history of the present landlord of
the White Lion is history ofrepeated in
suits, exactions and injuries, all having in
direct object the establishment of absolute
| tyranny over our stomacls and threats.
To prove this, let facts be submitted to
candid world.
He has refused to keep anything to drink
but baldfaced whskev.
He has refused to sci upon his table for
dinner anything but turnip soup, with a
little tough beef and sour crout, which are
not wholesome and necessary for the pub
lie good.
He has refused to let his only servant,
blink eyed Joe, put more than six grains
of coffee in one gallon Of water.
He has turned loose multitude of mus.
quitotes 10 assail Us in the peaceful hours
Of the night and eat our substance.
He has kept up in our beds and bed
steads standing armies of merciless sava
ges whose rule OF warfare is undistinguish
ed destruction.
He has excited domestic instruction a
mong US by taking btters before breakfast
and making his wife and servants do TIL
same before dinner, whereby there is Offer
the very deuce to pay.
He has waged cruel war against natur
herself, by feeding our horses with broom
straw, and carrying them off to drinl
where swine refused to wallow.
He has protected one-eyed Joe in hi
villany, in the robbery of our jugs, by
pretending to give him mock trial, aile
sharing with him the spoil
He has cut off our trade with foreign
ports and brought in his own bald-fac
whiskey, when we had sent him TO buy
better liquor abroad; and with a perfid
scarcely paralleled in the most barbariou
ages, he has been known to drink our fol
eign spirits, and ill up our bottles with hi
own dire potions.
He has imposed taxes upon US to all e
normous amount without our consent an
without any rules but his own arbitrar,
will and pleasure.
A landlord whose character is thus mar
ked by every act which NAV define ty
rant and master, is unfit TO keep board
ing house for Cherokee Indians.
Nor have we been wanting in our al
tentions to Mrs. B. and Mrs. Sally. W
have appealed TO their native justice an
magnanimity, but they have been deaf +
the voice of justice; we are, therefore, con
strained to hold all three Of the parties q
like inlmical to our well being and regard
less Of our comfort.
We therefore make this solemn decle
ration ofour final separation from our lane
lord, and cast our defiance in his teeth"