The Kalida venture. [volume] (Kalida, Ohio) 1841-1865, 1845-04-04
turns up her nose at me then, the devil is in

several years somewhat cramped with the
rheumatism, and unable 10 march faster than
common time, or carry his body nearer 10
perpendicular than forty-fvo degrees, peo-
pie began 10 think he had served his country
long enough. Without much difficulty he
was prevailed upon 10 resign. Josh Sc, him
self up for u candidate for the office, and hav-
ing opened grocery store, came in by an
unanimous vote, for it is a standing maxim
in the country, that The best man in the
world for militia captain is grocer or a
tavern keeper. Now was Josh near the com
plelon of his wishes. A Captain! who
could resist a captain! But little did he
think that the very stick which he took up
to help him over the ditch would itself
knock him into the mud! However; let us
not anticipate the catastrophe of the story.
In order 10 begin the campaign with un-
common splendor, Josh determined upon
sham fight; there is nothing like sham
fight for all lovers of military glory; nothing
like sham fight for all lovers of fun and
frolic up and down the country. 1t was i'm
mediately noised abroad, and great prepara-
lions were made in all quarters for witness
ing the grand show 10 be made by the Rye
company and their new captain. Josh had
bespoken bran new uniform Of blue, turn
ed out with yellow flannel, and it was thought
would cut such dash, and make such a
flaming appearance as 10 steal The heart of
every girl who was made of penetrable stuff
Josh was not whit behind anybody in the
confidence Of his hopes. "By the hokeym
said he, as he looked at himself in his rcgi-
mentals, " if this don't take the sunshn
out of her eyes, she's harder than hickory"
AT last the long expected day came; and
what flccking. and crowding, and bustling
there was, The Ike had not been known in
those parts "wthin the memory of the oldes;
inhabitant." Such throngs of jolly damsels
and old grannies; such crowds Of every age,
sex and condition; such ratlling Of chaises,
and carts, and wagons; such all array Of
booths and tents, and extempore retailing
shops; such show of gingerbread. sugar
plums and molasses candy! There was no
end to The wonders and the novelties which
this grand occasion brought into display
Josh marched his complny mp and down with
great eclat and though they did not display
perfect regularity of uniform, and were
unable exactly 10 keep time in marching, yet
they were pronounced 10 have an uncom-
monty martial appearance.
According 10 the p Ian previous drawn up,
the sham fight was 10 represent the capture
of Lord CORVALLIS, at Yorktown, and sp1-
cious pigstye on the side Of hill was fixed
upon TO be the scene of the conflict. The
wooden walls of this formidable dwelling
were accordingly cleared of the swnish
multitude, and by the help Of a few plank
and rafters metamorphosed into the fort fca-
tions of Yorktown, Josh placed half of his
company under Lieutenant Shute in the
pigsiye, to act as the British army under
Lord Cornwalls. while he himself in the
character of General Washington took the
command of the besieging army. The
whole plan of the attack, defence and sur
render, was as follows:
Lord Cornwalis was 10 open the cam
paign by delaching half platoon Of his for
ces under Corporal Shinbutton 10 forage in
Deacon Styles cabbage garden. These, on
being attacked by General Washington's ad-
vance guard, who were TO form a corps Of
observation at the Hole in the Wall, were TO
retreat across Dobson's Folly and Mud lane
ill they reached Turkey Cocks Vengeance,
where they were 10 make stand and receive
a reinforcement from Yorktown; whereupon,
the American advance guard were TO COM
mence a rereat, and be holly pursued by the
British across Pigs Run and Long Twisted
Boggcry till they reached Dogs Misery,
where the main army, under General Wash
ington in person, was TO be stationed. Here
Corporal Shinbutton was TO receive check
and draw off his forces, leaving behind all
his baggage, consisting of two knapsacks of
bread and cheese. The whole American
army was then TO take up the line of march
and proceed in three columns through Widow
McQuirk's COW pasture and Shrunk Siah's
orchard, till they arrived at Deacon Styles
cabbage garden, where they were 10 debouch
and prepare for the grand attack. The as
suit was TO be made by the main body, un-
der General Washington, while a detach-
ment of five men, under Sergeant Dooliile,
were TO manGuv upon the enemy's flank
and storm his oulworks, consisting of cou-
pie of haycocks. Hereupon the enemy
was 10 bea, palley, and Lord CORVALLIS
was to dispatch "a flag of truce 10 General
Washington TO treat of surrender, but the
Two generals not agreeing about the terms,
the action was TO be renewed, and a sharp
firing waste be keptup as long as the ammn-
milton held out. At this time. finding The
fortune of the day going against him, Gene
raj Washington was to put himself at the
head of tho troops and lead them on at the
point of the bayone'. The detachment
above mentioned having possessed them
selves ofthe enemy's hay cock outworks, and a
ravelin and half moon made by pile Of logs,
were TO pour in CALLING fire and enhlade