Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1845-11-07
THAT TARNAL RAILROAD.
As SPOKEN AT THE FULTON INSTITUTE.

AS SPOKEN AT THE FULTON INSTITUTE.
Je Whilicans, Whew Wal, Just manu-
facture me up into double refined spinning
Jenney and set me agong in fifty acres Of
cotton, if | ever come across such rarin,
tarin, ripping, snorting, double evolving
piece Of machinery, from creation down to
my most marvellous delivcrance Just now, as
the one give me chase down your RAILROAD.
l hearn some time ago that there was rich
doings goin on at the "Fulton Institute" so
as like things that open rich, made things
abought right round hum, aud broke for
here. come across through the country,
and struck your railroad, and was plying it
down at about four knots the hour Now, |
had hearn tell Of locomotives, but never
dreamed of seeing one alive and kicking
but about two miles from here, | hearn
something behind me coffin, sneezing, and
laundering, and looked around sure
enough here she come right down after me,
paving the airth up and splitting the road
wide open, with more smoke and fire hyin
than or'to come out of hundred burning
mountains. with about a dozen wagons fol-
lerin arter her, and to save her tarnal black,
smoky, noisy neck, she couldn't get clear of
them. don't know whether they scared
her up or no, hut here she come foaming at
the moulh-with her teeth chock full of bur-
min red hot Goals, and she pitched right
strait at me as if she was going into me like
a thousand brick-I couldn't stand il any
longer, so wheeled around and broke down
the road and began 10 make the gravel fly in
every direction. No sooner had done that
than she split right after me, and every jump
made she squecled like thousand wild
cats She gain'd on me up a hill, but we
cum round pint to level in the road
Now, thinks ], I'll gin you ginger, as | am
great on dead level, SO | pulled TO it and
soon got myself under full speed then she
began to yelp and howl and cough and stamp
and come on full chizel and made the hull
airth shake. But ! kept on before her,
bouncing at the rate of twenty feet every
hop, till got to a turn Of the road and
vas under such Roadway that couldn't turn,
SO | tumbled head over heels down bank
by a house and landed with my head and
shoulders co-smolick right into a swiH barrel,
and my feet stuck out behind and into the
air! Just at the time the locomotive found
l had got away from it, it commenced spit.
ting hot water into me, and just literally
spattered all over the part of me that was
sticking out of the barrel. thought in my
soul Mount Vesuvius had busted some place
in the neighborhood. Blu, do you suppose |
staid there long! No, Sir d.! Just walked
right through the barrel and come ont the
other end SO quick that it really looked
ashamed of itself.
Now, here | am, rale self propelIng
double-revolvIng locomotive Snolly Gosler
ready to attack anything but combination
OF thunder-lightning- smoke rallroad.iron and
hot water.
I'D like for some Of your gals to give me
chance to play Hop Scotch among your
hearts; and il don't play the swill barrel
game by walking right strait ihro' your tar
nal prejudices into their young affections then
help me Jozey.-Cincinnatti Commercial