The Evansville journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1834-184?, 1845-05-01

to be the thing it had been cracked I'D for.
The toast was done a little too much. and the
tea wasn't done quite enough, the slop bowl
was at the wrong end of the tray, and there
were several crumbs on the carpet.
"These things call for improvement OBJ
served Mr.. Swallow.
"The servant hasn't been here this morn
ing" answered Mrs. Swallow.
"Servant," returned Solomon, 81 discharg-
ed her yesterday. You don't think | can af
ford to keep a servant and wife tool"
The lady was again posed, and she said
nothing, but the day wore to its close before
she could bring herself to the belief that MIR.
Mr.. Swallow had actually made use of the
words "serVant" and swife' in the same SEN
tence.
The next morning at six O'Clock, Mr..
Swallow again informed hiswife that il was.
time to get up, coupling the remark with the
suggestion that in future she must save him
the trouble of reminding her of so necessary
a duty.
MI. Swallow, however, benefited nothing
by this soft insinuation, for at the moment
she either was, or pretended TO be, fast lock-
So ia tAO oItllS Vi IlOiPHSuS. E
"Don't you hear Mrs. Swallow?" quoth
Solomon.
But alas! a slightly conscious snore was
the only response from Mrs. Swallow.
Now this was a ticklish point with Solom-
on, but he was prepared for it. s.What says
my system on this head?" said he to himself,
musingly.. alt says that a lazy wife who
lays abed in the morning, may be very profit
ably reminded of her duty by the iudicious
application of a corcon pin.n And this mag
%nifcent idea had scarcely crossed the thresh-
old OF his brain pan, than he inserted the
point of a huge pin into the right arm of the
sleeper. AS might be expected, the inten-
ded effect instantly followed the cause for
the astonished Mrs. Swallow sprang from the
bed as though she had been thrown from it
by an earthquake! But, alas! her agility was
too strikingly manifested, for she not only all
but annihilated poor SolomoNin rolling over
him, but she dashed his patent lever frora the
nail which suspended tito the wall, and broke
the dial into a thousand pieces.
What a dreadful dream,'' calculated Mrs.
Swallow, pressing her left hand on her wound
ed arm.
"What a dreadful r~eality,n shouted Mr.,
Swallow, contemplating the fragile ruins Of
his demolished time piece.
TTere we pass over the interval between
this occurrence and the time when the hap
Ply pair in question were seated at breakfast.
"Now, Mrs. Swallow said Solomon, s'see-
ing that | can't always be awake to call you
up in the morning, or eat burned toast, Of
drink raw tea, sc. &c, it is time | begin tC
instruct you in your duties"
Sand what are those, Mr.. Swallow?"
"Be silent, madam, if you please; not t.
talk but to listen, is one of the most impor
tant of them"
"Proceed sir"
And Mr.. Swallow, looking daggers at he
for the second interruption, and proceeded
"From six till eight, you are to get uI
dress quietly so as to create no disturbance
light fire, air clothing, and stockings, swee
rooms, prepare breakfast, and announce tn
r perfection thereof. Eight till ten, wash tie
things, make beds, rub furniture, and clea
t windows. Ten TO twelve, 90 to market an
t prepare dinner.-Twelve till two. devote
!, dish washing, sweeping up, and rubbing flu
d %niture. Two till SIX, spinning, mendir
clothes, and darning stockings. Seven, te
e From that time till nine, a second course
mendlng and darning, and then to bed! Al
this daily course, madam, with a strict obse
y vance of the rules ofcivifty, frugality, deco
s. um, and obedience, may in time enable "
5; to do honor to the choice of Mr.. Solom
Swallow"
We "Mrs. Swallow listened quietly to the er
y. and then mildly enquired.
is "And do you really expect this of me, N
ke Swallow"
M "To be sure | do" respond ed her spou
e, "Then you'll be sadly disappointed, for
m do no such thing"
"No?"
to ssNo?o
Igs give a way 10 make you"
he "How?n
yht "Spoon diet, locks, chains, and cowhid
ng, "Mr Swallowm
her "What?"
ad- .sYou're a bruter' and Mrs. Swal
;all threw herselfback and looked desperate.
Now this was a climax. Mr.. Swallow
o"' called a brute at his own freside, and by
own wife, which was the worst of all.
l Solomon Swallow, the celebrated founde
"a system of Matrimonial Observations, ca
a brute, and by no less a person than
my Swallow. At first he was so astoundeC
such open manifestations of rebellion to
she royal will, that he only looked aghast;
say when he came to himself he saw that SC
ace tb;ng must he dome At once. or The field
III lost forever.
heI "You called me a brute, Mrs. Swall'
81 did, Mr. Swallow"
pare GA brute?"
ga brute