Wisconsin herald, and Grant County advertiser. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1844-1845, 1845-02-22
Wis CelIan G o us.

Whilst ladies persist IN maintaining
the strictly defensive condition, men
must naturally, as il were, take the OPP
posite line-that of attack; otherwise,
II both parties held aloof, there would
be no more marriages, and the two
hosts would die in their respective IN
action, without ever coming to battle.
Thus, it is evident, that as the ladies
will not, the men must take tho oiien-
sive. ], for my part, have made, IN the
course Of my life, at least a score OF
chivalrous attacks upon several strongly
fortified hearts. Sometimes | began
nv works too late in the season, and
winter suddenly came and rendered
further labors impossible; sometimes J
have attacked the breach madly, sword
in hand. and have been plunged VIC
lcntly from the scalding ladder into the
ditch; somtimcs have made decent
Judgment, in the place, whcn-bang
blows up mine, and | am scattered TO
the deuce! and sometimes, when ]
have been in the very heart of the cit
adel-ah that should say it IA
sudden panic has struck me, and have
run like the British out Of Carthagcna.
One grows tired after while OF such
perpetual activity. Is it not time that
tic ladies should take an innings? Let
us widowcrs and bachelors form an as
ISOLATION to declare, for the next hun
drcd years, we will make love no lon
ger. Let the young women come and
make love to us; let them write US YER
scs; let them ask US to dance, get US
ices and cups of tea, and help US on
with our cloaks at the hall door, and if
they are eligible we may perhaps be
induced to yield and say-"La Miss
Hopkins II really never-I am so
p1paH
1ID"WilIam," said carpenter to
his apprentice, "lm goingaway to-day,
and want you to grind all the tools."-
ayes, SIR" The carpenter came home
., night, civilian. have you ground
all the tools, right sharp" "All but
the handsac," said Bill, "and | could
not get quite all the gaps out of that"
0~P"No one would take you for
what you are,' said an old-fashioned
gentleman, day or two ago, to dandy,
who had moro hair than brains.
"Why 7" was Immediately ask'd.
"Becausc they can't see you ears"
or We have seen some barbarous
typographical blunders in our days, but
none more so than one which recently
met our eye, where the heading to
medical advertisement which should
have read Interesting to The Deaf"
was printed Interesting 10 the Dead!
or When the Duke of Dorsct's
horse threw his rider over his head, and
broke his neck, a gentleman was rela-
ing The circumstances but could not
-ecollect the sufferers name and title.
'0h," said another, dit must have been
he Duke of somerset"
or Nothing is more common,
han to talk Of the solemnity Of death,
while we forget the greater solemnity
If living for death is only awful as
he termination oflilc, and the entrance
IN tina, state which is to be decided by
'ur course in living"
or We have heard Of a Juror, who |
TODD out against all his fellow jurors,
IN the ground that the testimony in
ho case disagreed with outdoor re-
,orts that bad come to his ear before
no trial. Very conclusive and salts.
actory reasoning that.
11D"I wish you had been Eve"
aid an urchin TO an old maid who was
for her meanness. Why
Y" Because" said he, you would
ave eaten all the apple. instead Of d.
'iding with Adam"
Or II is said-there is cordwainer
n Lynn, so temperate that he will not
Use punch Also young lady, who
$ so much opposed to all bondage that
he cannot conscicntiously bind shoes
Or The authorship of the following
beautiful and just thoughts is ascribcd
o Napoleon "a beautiful woman
,leases the eye; a good woman salts
les the heart; the one lisa jewel, the
'lher treasure"
or Marriage is chowder-pot in
which fish of various kinds are cooked. !
Tonn,, ;c he who ,nts tho eb;,ars