Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-07-25
OUR S~CnnOLMASTER.

uiHc ne Is COiiSlUtrtl a more ilarhctaDle ana
comcatable commodity. The minister is. al
most ever, a married man: and 1.-THE is not. he
has failed in setting the most ssentialexampIc
before the rising generation of his congrega-
ton. But a married sChoolmastcr is proof
positive that the committee" have consulted
their own taste, instead of grown-up girls of
the district.
But our scioolmastcr was ucta married man.
and whether the fact that tho head committee
man had three manageable daughters, not
pledged to vow constanCy 10 amy swain, had
anything to do with the selection, is a question
which hasnever been solved for public benefit.
The schoolmaster had not been long among
us before the old school house was filled To
OVERLOOKING. Audit is a remarkable fact that
that winter there were more large girls i'm
school than there had ever been before, or
have been since. The importance of education
seemed particularly appreciated by all who
mad hopes, or even wishes OF becoming wives.
And Uncle Bill, who was something of a wag.
seriously declared that ~"grandma'am White,t'
who was "the oldest inh1bitant,'' wanted to
go to school too, if she could only get a place
to board near the school house. In truth, the
schoolmaster was a ''proper nice young man, -
aud somehow all the girls founl out the same
iact: Not a quilting. or party, was perfect
without ms presence; and the sample of good
cooking, which came under his inspection,
would have won the hearts of any man. if. as
some oil the ancients supposed, that article
had any immediate conncxion with the palate.
Pies, puddings, cakes and tarts, of all which
The preparation was ascribcd to Sally. Polly.
Betsey, or Margaret, whatsoever the favorite
daughter might be, who had the best chance to
please the schoolnaster's taste. If the blind
god, like flies, was to be trapped with sweets
and molasses, he would have been caught i'm
every house but one in the district.
The schoolmaster remained impregnable ia
the assaults, both upon his heart and stomach.
lie never suspected the mines which were
preparing to explode in every direction. The
girls began to think that surely he was engag.
ed; and that isalmost as bad as being a marTied
man. But they were mistaken. His hear,
was free and unfettercd. And what the,
lacked was a quick disccrnment of his weak
size. Every person is as~sailable, and the
whole tact OF the affair is to discover and
honor their weak points of peculiar whim.-
But the girls Were all at iault-,hev smiled
and pouted in vain; their mammas made cook.
les and sweetmeats for their credit. without
advancing their interests in the least: and the
schoolmaster's %eccenhicity was so CLOSELY
connected with his scholastic duties. that il
was not mistrustcd. But his mind was the
abstract oil a mathematical problem. There
800 w P'SSit III luDliluS Almanac. DIt
he could ~decipher; and he never was happv or
satisfied without fractional anxiety. But the
girls were all so anxious about the dividend of
his affections, that it never occurred TO them
mat the square OF his partiality could only b.
obtained by the addition of a slate pencil 10
their charms. At last one wiser, or with
more tact than the rest, suspected the truth.
and finding that the usual methods of CAN'T
vation had failed, suddenly became deeply
interested IN all mathematical puzzles. and
often invited the master home with her TO
finish the Sums" and solve the problems
which she had gathered together in "a file of
oiu aimaiacs as long as century. He was at
case; and without inquiring why, his feet
would almost involuntarily turn to- where he
was sure to find a cheerful fire; and bowl of
apples, a slate and pencil ready for his amuse-
incnt. Jane Baker was clatcd with her STRAIT
agein, and the result was all she wished, and
might have been anticipated. For make a
man happy-show him that YOU sympathizc
with and understand his foible, and there must
be strong reason why. il he does not reward
you with his love, or what, i'm his estimation,
IS the SAINT thing, the privilege of wearing his
name.
Jane did well; she caught the schoolmaster
ana Then had her life 10 learn that n mathcmat-
zeal husband was even more tedious than a
mathematical lover.
t.sSome five years after, / paid them a visit at
their own domicil. | found Jane with as rca-
dy tact as ever. and her husband %puzzling over
'ureenleals last edition." Three chubby
children had been given them; and from the
energetic manner in which the Youngest used
It's lungs. drew the conclusion that il inner
itetF Its mothers activity, instead of its fathers
love OF quiet and silence.
|, Inc schoolInaster with his usual dignity.
oade me welcome, and began to solicit my
opinion as to the probable merits of a book on
geometry, which was to be published some
Time. But Jane interrupted him with:
John, the fire is minus, and you will par
ucularly oblige Inc To solve the problem of
how many sticks of wood it would take TO
make a good one"
lie mechanically turned TO his blackboard :
but she again interrupted the train of his
thoughts with:
Please, husband, give us a practical illus
%tration, and then by the warmth, we will
prove Its correctness"
Like an obedient husband he Proceeded to
comply with the request, and then returned TO
MS iavOrIte amusement. fbe was scarcely
seated, before Jane again propoundcd a puzzle
for his solution.
Husband. said she, "~supposing one dead
chicken would make a comfortable meal for
D6 Jul ~ inht W MAKE lHO
live chickens dead"
Yes, yes, my dear, :" ne returned. "but don't
interrupt me now, as ! am just finishing the
equation OF this problem, which never has
been solved by any mathematician. If can
get II arranged correctly, the solution will be
positive
u hungry family and squalling children
are problems which must be solved 6rst " sbs
returned laughing.
lie cast one look at his black board of sad.
dcned sorrow, and, i'll did not mistake, one Of
anger at ms wife; but he was too well trained
to dispute the command insinuated.
! looke a puzzle, but did not dare to pro-
pound II; yet she was too well yersed in ,be
root ct the query not to understand il.
lie Is good and kind, said she in explana-
non, but he loves a problem Of figures and
signs better than that of living. lie never
KNOWS hungcro or cold while inhis distractions
OF fractions; and ] always must propose my
Questions HggidadIv o. -. D. T.