Democratic banner., 1845-02-15
One Day and a Half in the Life
of Tobacco CheWAr.

Saturday, July 81 le4S.-Took
my hat for u walk; wife-as wives
IRE apt ,o-began to load me with
messages, upon seeing me ready 10
go out. Asked me TO call at Cousin
M'., and borrow for her the "Sor-
rows of Wer,er." Hate to have a
wife read such namby-pamby stuff
but must humor her whims. and con
clude that | had rather she would
take pleasure over W%erter's Sor-
rows. than employ her tongue in ma
sing "sorrows" for your humble SER
want.
Got 10 Cousin Ms door: Now
Cousin NJ. is an old maid, nrd's Q
dreadful tidy woman. Like tidy wo-
men well enough, but can, bear your
dreadful tidy ones, because | an al
ways in dread while on their premis-
Is, lest | should offend their super
superlative neatnesss BY q bit Of grs-
vel on the sole Of my boot or such
matter.
Walked in, delivered my message,
and seated myself in ono OF cane
bottom chairs, while she runmaged
the bookcase. Forgot to take out
nv cavendish before | entered. and
while she hunted fel, the tide rising.
No spitbox in the room-windows
closed-hoor carpeted-stove warn
khed. ! looked TO the fireplace full
Of flowers and hearth newly dauhed
with Spanish brown; here was a fix.
Felt the food of essence Of cavan,
dish accommodating. Began TO reason
with myself whether as a last al,ern.
alive, it was better to drown the flow.
ers, redaub the hearth, or food the
carpet. Mouth in the mean time
pretty well filled. To add to my
misery she began to ask questions
"Did you ever read this book,---?'
ayes, ma'am,' said /, in a voice like
frog from tho bottom Of n well
when | wished book, aunt, and all
were with Pharaoh's host, in the Red
Sea. "How do you like it," contin.
ued the interchangeable queris,. ]
threw my head on the back of the
chair, and my mouth upward to pie.
vent an overflow; pretty WE'LL
said /. She al last found the Scr
rows Of Werter.' and came toward.
me.--"Oh! dear, Cousin Oliver, dom
put your head on the back Of the
chair, now don't-you'l grease anC
take off the gliding" | could no
answer her, having now lost the pow
err Of speech entirely, and my cheeks
were distended like those of a toas
under a mushroom. "Why Oliver
said my persevering tormentor, un
conscious of the reason Of my appaar
ance, "you are sick--l know vol
are; your face is dreadfully swollen
and before | could prevent her, he
hartshorn was clapped to my disten
ded nostrils. As my mouth was clio
sed imperturbabIy, the orihces in N,
nasal organ were at that time my on
ly breathing place. Judge, then
lat a commoiion a full snuff Q
haftsaorn created among my oIfactO
rles
| bottled for the door. and n heart,
a%chehehee! relieved my probosci:
and tobacco, chyIe, &C., 'alI at ono
disSorged' from my mouth, restore
me the facility Of speech. Her eye
followed me in establishment, and
relieved nv embarrassment, by pu'
ting a load on my conscience. ] toll
her | had been trying to relieve tn
toOihache by temporary use of tobat
co-while, truth 10 tell, | never ha
an acuiag fang in my head. wer
home mortified.
Sunday F'orenoon.--Friend A. il
vitsd myself and wife to take a Sc;
with him to hear the calculated NJ
-preach. Conducted by NEG!
Dor A. 10 his pow. Mouth as usua
tull of tobacco, and horror of no
rors! found the pew elegantly ca
peted with white and green--two
three mahogany ~crickets, and a b;
s,aId-but no spitbox. The ssrvi
es commenced--svery peal on II
organ vas ans wered by an Intern
appeal from my mouth for a liber
ton from is contents-but the thin
was impossible. thought of usin
my hat for a spitbOx-then Of tumI
ling n of the cricksts over, but
could do nothing unperceIved.
took out my handkerchief, but foun1
in the plentitude Of her oficiousne
that my wife had placed one of he