The Columbia Democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, 1845-11-08
Nnnck Doctors.

The Knickerboeker gives the subJoln
ed, which is pretty good illustration
Of the geaerol value Of quack medicines
'rhere are probably many people now
living, who remember the celebrated
Jew qu,ck. doctor, Reuben Nathaos,w who
n1ur,shed some forty years since, and
0hose medicines the 'Chinese Bal
sam of Life, and the Celebrated Hair
Invigotatlng Lotion, made so much
noise at the time. But few, | presume
have heard OF The anecdote am about
10 relate concerning him. When ,ht
doctors medicines were first announced
to the world, simple minded lsboring
man purchased one bottle OF the Lp'lon
and another of the Bilsam, for his wife,
who had q consumplive cough OF many
years standing, and was besides threat
ened with The total loss Of hr hair
The woman used both remedies accord
ing TO directions, and as is usual with
ignorant people in such cases, thought
they were really doing her vast deal
of good The cough seemed TO her to
be going away rapidly, she 'bresIhed
freer,' while her hair appeared 10 be
coming back again thicker than ever.
As natural consequence she lell very
great confidence in the medicines; and
when the first lot of BA'sam was ali used
she sent her husband 10 gel the bottle
filed again. The doctor asked The man
how The medicine operated. 90, grand
W. replied the husband; my wlie's
oaagke e'en-a mos, gone, and her
hairs all coming back again as fiery as
ever 'Ah.' said the doctor, 'ihal'S
the way my medicines always work.
There's no mislskeabou, them. Taey'
re lust what | calithem, The greatest
wonders Of the age spose you've no
object on 10 giving me your sihdav''F
sOh, no, replied the man, that's just
what my wife want, me 10 do Th"
couple ,hen repaired to The mayors Of
6ce. when an affidavit was drawn up,
sworn to, and witnessed. On returning.
to the Doctors shop, The Quack took up,
etne empty bottle for the purpose of re
filling il. Uncorking it, he pu, it TO-
his nose and smelt oft. 'Why, whs'
can This mean" he exclaimed, in some
asonshmenI; and then, after looking al
s,he LABEL, he smell i, again.
Why sir, this isn't balSam, though
the label says so, but hair lo'lonr Hair
lolion or not, replied the man, pointing
30 the bottle, Hhaps what cured my
ywife'o dreadful cough, and The stuff IN
the other bottle al home is wha! made
<her hair grow sgsim' 's'rsuge' strange!
repeated the doctor, with puzzled coun.
,tenance; Il don know what to make of
ti.. Will you be kind enough, sir, just
10 step back and gel tie olher bottle
the hair lolon,l mean The man did
go, and soon returned with the lotion
bottle. The doctor took it, and applit
ed his nose 10 The mouth. '.And this
eaid he, 'is. Just as surely the balsam as
the other is the lotion. DON'T you think
there was some mistake on your part sit?
are you sure That what was in this bot
-,Ie made your wfc's hair gov sgaip!'
-sJust as ssrlin asrm alive,' replied the
man, 'for1 always turned it out myself,
while Betsey held the spoon.' The doc
tor sat down in chair, and, laying a
finger On his nose, seemed buried 10
profound thought. "Ah! | see he al
length exclaimed, and jumping Up he
filed the empty bottle again. 'Thcre,
sir, said he, giving it 10 The man, and
hurrying him 10 the door, 'all's right
sir, was little bothered, that's al.
Call again when that's gene, snd you
shall have another for nothing As
soon as he bad shut the door on his Gus.
toner, the doctor called 10 his coniden-
tial man from The 'labora,ory,'F FMo.hes,
said he, we've made great mistake in
our guess work after all. l've been
studying vel' hard, lately, and jus, DIS
covered that our LOTION is The stuff TO
cure the coughs and The consumption, &
the balSam is tie besh, TO make the hsil
grow. We mushl change The labels
That's uolacky,' replied the man, for
we've got four thousand bottles, two
lbousand of each kind all ready to send
yseay =, morrow VeI, veI,' said lh,
doctor, 'y1u can change the labels. ii
vou Rave lin!e; # not seuI them of as
,bev are. 'I'ls't mosh mallegn
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