The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1845-09-05

is ready you may call me, but be sure
and don't burn the toast
Breakfast and toast said Mrs Swal
low, why what do you mean .
why, my dear, mean madame, thai
l have begun my system
'And won't you ge, up too?'
yes, when breakfast is ready, and my
stockings airedv
Mrs Swallow was about to reply, but
she checked herself, as she was ashamed
TO say much to him on so short an ac-
quainlance but though in the present. in.
stance she did precisely as she was bid,
she resolved in her heart that it was the
last time that she would get up at six in
the morning to prepare breakfast.
At eight o'clock, every thing being
ready, Mrs Swallow called Mr. Swallow
breakfast is ready, Mr. Sw allow
is the toast made 2
yes
Not burned!'
NO.
Are my stockings aired!'
Yes
ON IL do quv,l Mr. Swallow. and
10 breakfast he went, having first receiv-
ed The services Of he bushing Mrs Swal-
low, to assist him in dressing.
The breakfast however, did not turn
out to be the thing it had been cracked
up for. The toast was done little too
much, and the tea wasn't done quite
enough; the slop bowl was at the wrong
end OF the tray, and there were several
crumbs on the carpet.
these things call for improvement,
observed Mr. Swallow. %
'The servant hasn', been here this
morning., answered Mrs Swallow.
Servant returned Newman, Il dis
charged her yesterday. You don't think
| can afford to keep wife and servant
too!
The lady was again posed, and she
said nothing, but the day wore TO its close
before Mrs Swallow could bring herself
to the belief that Mr. Swallow had actual
ly made use of the words servant and
wife in the same sentence.
The next morning at six o'clock, Mr.
Swallow again informed Ills wife tina, it
was time to get up, coupling the remark
with the suggestion that in future she
must save him the trouble of reminding
her OF SO necessary duty.
Mrs Swallow, however, benefited moth
ing by this soft insinuation for at the
moment she either was, or pretended TO
be, fast locked in the arms of Morpheus.
Don't you hear, Mrs Swallow 2 quo,h
Newman.
But alas !! slightly conscious snore
was the only response from Mrs Swal-
low.
Now this was ticklish point with
Newman, but he was prepared for it.
What says my system to this head :!
said he to himself musingly. 1T says
that lazy wife who lays bed in the
morning, may be very profiably remind.
ed of her duty by the judicious applica-
ton of corcon pin And this magniti-
cen. idea had scarcely crossed the ,lresh.
hold of his pan, than he inserted the point
OF huge pin into the right arm of the
sleeper. As might be expected, the in
tended effect Instantly followed the cause,
for the astonished Mrs Swallow sprang
from her bed as though she had been
thrown from it by an earthquake! But,
alas, her agility was too sirikingly mani
Tested, for she not only all but annihlated
poor Newman in rolling over him, but
she dashed his patent lever from the nail
which suspended i, to the wall, and broke
The dial into thousand pieces.
what dreadful Dream calculated
Mrs Swallow. pressing her left hand to
her wounded arm.
What dreadful reality shouted Mr.
Swallow, contemplating the fragile ruins
Of his demolished time piece.
We pass over the interval between this
occurrence and the time the happy pair
IN question were seated at breakfast.