Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1841-1853, 1845-05-22
Mrs. Candies Curtain Lectures.
LECTURE vi
On Mr.. Caadle's Shirt Buttons.

On Mr.. C1udle's Shirt Buttons.
There, Mr.. Caudle, hope you're in a little better
temper than you were this morning. There-you
needn't begin to whistle people don't come to bed to
whistle. But it's like you. 1 can't speak that you
don't try to insult me. Once, Used to says you were
the best creature living now, you get quite fend
Do let you rest No. won't let you rest It's the
only time have to talk to you, and you shall hear
me. I'm put upon all day long it's very hard if |
can't speak word at night and it isn't often open
my mouth, goodness knows!
because once in your lifetime your shirt wanted a
button you must almost swear the roof off the house
You didn't swear! Ha, Mr. Caudle, you don't know
what you do when you're in a passion. You were
not in a passion, wern't you! Well, then, don't
know what passion Island think | ought by this
time. I've lived long enough with you, Mr.. Caudle,
to know that.
"lt's pity you havn't something worse to COM
plain of than button off your shirt If you'd some
wives, you would, know, I'm sure I'm never with
out neede-and-thread in my hand, What with you
and the children, I'm made perfect slave of. And
what's my thanks : Why, if once in your life but
tons off your shirt-what do you cry oh at | say
once, Mr.. Caudle; twice, three times, at most.
I'm sure, Caudle, mans buttons in the world are
better looked after than yours. Only wish I'd kept
the shirts you had when you were first married |
should like TO know where were your buttons then
Eyes, it is worth talking of! But that's how you
always try to put me down. You fly into rage, and
then if only try to speak you won't hear That's
how you men always will have all the talk to your
selves poor woman isn't allowed to get word in.
"A nice notion you have of wife, to suppose she's
nothing to think of but her husbands buttons pref
ty notion, indeed, you have of marriage. Ha if
poor women only knew what they had to 90 through !!
What with buttons, and one thing and another !!
They'd never tic themselves up the best in the
world, I'm What would they do, Nh. Caudle !!
Why, do much better without you, I'm certain.
'.And it's my belief after all, that the button wasn't
off the shirt it's my belief that you pulled it off, that
you might have something to talk about Oh, you're
aggravating enough, when you like, for anything !
All know is, it's very odd that the button should be
off the shirt for I'm womans greater slave
to her husbands buttons than am. l only say, it's
very odd.
However, there's one comfort it can't last long.
I'm worn to death with your temper and shant trou
bic you greet while Ha you may laugh And
dare say you viii laugh I've doubt of 1t Thafs
your love-thats your feeling know that I'm sink
ing every day, though | say nothing about 1t. And
when I'm gone shall see how your second wife
will look after you buttons You'll find out the diff
ference, then. Yes Caudle you'll think of me- then:
for then, hope, you'll have blessed button to
your back.
''No, I'm not vindictive woman, Mr.. Caudle !;
nobody ever called me that, but you. What do you
say Nobody ever knew so much of me That's
nothing at all to do with it. Ha | wouldn't have
your aggrayating temper Caudle, for mines of gold
It's good thing I'm not worrying you are-or
nice house thered be between MS. only wish you'd
had wife that ,roud have talked to you then you'd
have known the difference But you impose upon me,
because, like poor FOOL say nothing. l should be
ashamed of myself, Caudle.
''And pretty example you set father You'll
make your boys as bad as yourself. Talking as you
did all breakfast-tme about your buttons! And of a
Sunday morning too And you call yourselfa christ
ian should like to know What your boys Will say
of you when they grow up! And all about paltry
button off one of your wristbands: decent man
wouldn't have mentioned it. Why won't hold my
tongue !! Because won't hold my tongde. I'm to
have my peace of mird deStroyed-Im to be worried
into my grave for miserable shirtbutton, and I'm to
hold my tongue Oh but that's just like you men
"But know what I'll do for the future. Every
button you have may drop off, and | won't so much
put thread TO em. And | should like to know
what you'll do then! Oh, you must get somebody
else to sew em, must you That pretty threat for
husband to hold out to a wife And to such wife
as I've been, too such negro-slave to your buttons
as may say Somebody else to sew 'em, Ell No,
Caudle, no not while I'm alive. When I'm dead
and with what have TO bear there's no knowing how
soon that may be-when I'm dead, say-oh what
brute you must be to snore so
"You're not snoring Ha that's what you always
say but that's nothing to do with it. You must get
sonhhbody else to sew 'em, must you Ha should
MT wonder. Uh no / should be surprised at nothing
now 1! Nothing at all It's what people have always
told me it would come to-and now the buttons have
opened my eyes But the whole world world snail
know of your cruelty, MIR. Caudle. After the wife
I've been to you. Somebody else, indeed, to sew your
buttons I'm no longer to be mistress In my house
Hai Caudle l wouldn't have upon my conscience
what you have, for the world wouldn't treat any
body as you tTeat-no, I'm not mad It's you, Mr..
Caudle, who are mad, or bad-and that's worse. |
can't even so much as speak of shrtbuon, but that
I'm threatened to be made nobody of in my own house!
Caudle, you've heart Ike heafh-stone, you have
TO threaten me, and only because button-a but
ton"
81 was conscious Of no more than th.s, says eau
de- in his MS, "for here nature relieved me with a
sweet, deep Sleep