American Republican and Baltimore daily clipper. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1844-1846, 1845-04-09
from the London Punch.l
MRS. CAUDLE's CURTAIN LECTURES.

MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.
Mr.. CAUDLE HAS BEEN AT TAVERN WITH A
FRIEND.
Poor me! Ha! I'm sure don't know who'd
be a poor woman | don't know who'd tie
themselves up to man, if they knew only half
they'd have to bear. A wife must stay at
home, and be drudge, whilst man can go
anywhere. It's enough for a wife to sit like
Cinderella by the ashes, whilst her husband can
60 drinking and singing at a tavern. You ne
yer sing! How do | know you never sing?-
It's very well for you to say so; but if | could
hear you, dare say you're amongst the worst
Of 'em.
And now, | suppose, il will be the tavern
every night. If you think Pm going to sit up
for you, MIR. Caudle, you're very much mista-
ken. No: and I'm not going to get out Of my
warm bed to let you in, either. No: nor SUI
san shan't sit up for you: nor you shan't have
a latch key. Pm not going to sleep with the
door upon the latch, to be murdered before the
morning.
Faugh! Pahl Whewgh! That filthy tobacco
smoke! It's enough to kill any decent woman.
You know hate tobacco, and yet you will do
it. You don't smoke yourself! What of that!
fyou 60 among people who do smoke, you're
Just as bad, or worse. You might as we'll
than come home with other peoples smoke in
your hair.
never knew any good come to a man who
went to a tavern. Nice companions he picks
up there! Yes; people who make it boast to
treat their wives like slaves, and ruin their ia
miles. There's that wretch Prettyman. See
what he's come to- He does MT now get home
till two in the morning; and then in what a
state! He begins quarrelling with the door
mat, that his poor wife may be afraid to speak
TO him. A mean wretch! But don't you think
I'll be like Mrs. Prettyman. No: would't put
up with it from the best man that ever trod.-
You'll not make me afraid to speak to you
however you may swear at the door-mat. No
Mr. Caudle, that you won't
You don't intend to stay out till two in the
morning! How do you know what you'll do
when you get among such people? Men can't
answer for themselves when they get boozing
one with another. They never think of their
poor wives, who are greving and wearing
themselves out at home. A nice headache
you'll have tomorrow mornng-or rather this
morning; for it must be past twelve. You won't
have headache! It's very well for you to say
SO, but | know you will and then you may
nurse Yourself for me. Ha! that filthy tobacco
again! No: | shall not 90 to sleep like good
soul! How's people to go to sleep when they're
suffocated'
Yes Mr.. Caudle, you'll be nice and ill in the
morning! But don't you think Pm going to
let you have your breakfast in bed, like Mrs
Prettyman. I'll not be such fool. No: MOI
won't have dscredit brought upon the house
by sending for soda-water early, for all the
neighborhood to say, Caudle was drunk last
night! No: I've some regard for the dear
children, if you haven't. No: nor you shan't
have broth for dinner. Nota neck of mutton
crosses my threshold, can tell you.
You won't want soda, and you won't want
broth! All the better. You wouldn't get 'em
if you did, can assure you;---Dear, dear
dear! That filthy tobacco Pm sure it,
enough to make me as bad as you are. Talk
ing about getting divorced-I'm sure tobacco
ought to be good grounds. How little does a
woman think when she marres, that she gives
herself up to be poisoned! You men contrive
to have it all Of your own side, you do. Now
if was to 90 and leave you and the children
pretty noise there'd be? You, however, car
90 and smoke no end of pipes! You didn't
smoke It's all the same, Mr.. Caudle, if you &C
among smoking people. Folks are known by
their company You'd better smoke yourself
than bring me home the pipes of all the world
Yes, see how it will be. Now you're once
gone to a tavern, you'll always be going
You'll be coming home tipsy every night; anc
tumbling down and breaking your leg, ant
putting out your shoulder; and bringing al
sorts of disgrace and expense upon us. Ano
then you'll be getting into a street hght-oh
know your temper too well to doubt it, Mr.
Caudle- and be knocking down some of the
police. And then know what will follow
1t must follow. Yes, you'll be sent for month
or six weeks TO the treadmill. Pretty thing that
for a respectable tradesman, MIR. Caudle, to bt
put upon the treadmill with all sorts of thieves
and vagabonds, and-there, again that hoIr
BILE tobacco!-and riff:raff of every kind
should like to know how your children are to
hold up their heads, after their father has beer
upon the treadmill? No; ,oon't go to sleep
And I'm not talking of what is impossible
know it will happen-every bit OF it. If il
wasn't for the dear children, you might be ru
ned and wouldn't so much as speak about 1t
but-oh, DEAR oh, dear at least you might &C
where they smoke good tobacco-but can
forget that Pm their mother.a AT least they
shall have one parent.
Taverns! Never did man go to taverr
who didn't die beggar. And how your pot
companions will laugh at you when they SCI
your name in the News! For it uIust happen
Your business is sure to fall off; for what re
spectacle man will buy toys for his children o
drunkard? You're not drunkard? No: blu
Won will belts all the same.
You've begun by staying out till midnight
By-and-by twill be all night But don't 70,
think, Mr.. Caudle, you shall ever have key
know you. Yes; you'd do exactly like tina
prettymau, and what did he do, only las