Wisconsin herald, and Grant County advertiser. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1844-1845, 1845-12-04

renowned professor Of gastronomy,
Mons. Jetta Of Beetown; who says
they were prepared by The celebrated
cook, Udc; and wcro found by him in
some foreign print:
| Ho,c to Cook up a Fashionable
| Noock--Takc a consummate puppy,
NJ. C's preferable Gas they are generally
the softest; and don't require much
Ipressing,) basic with sclfconceit, stuff
with slang, season with maudin scnti-
ment, hash up with popular publish
er, simmer down with preparatory adj
refreshments. Add six reams OF gilt
edged paper, CRATE in thousand quilts,
garnish with marble covers, and moroc-
CO backs and corners. Stir up with
magazine puffs, skim Off sufficient for
preface. Shred scraps Of French and
small-talk very fine. Add "supcrline
coats" "satin stocks,' "bouquets,"
"opcra boxes" "a DUEL" an eopc-
ment, st. Georges Church, silver bride
favors, eight footmcn, four Positions,
the ike number of horses, "drcdger"
of smiles, some filtered tears, half
mourning for dead uncle (the better
fhe has atwiich in his nose,) and serve
with any thing that will bear '..tiit-
fering."
a Sentimental Dato.--Takc a
young lady, dress her in blue ribbons,
sprinkle with innocence, spring flow
ers, and primroses. Procure Baron
ct "a Lord ifin season. ifnot, a dcprav-
ed younger SON." trim him with Gear
te, rouge ct noir, EPSON. Derby, and
slice OF Crockford's. Work up with
rustic cottage, an aged father, blind
mother, and little brothers and sisters
in brownholland pinafores. Introduce
mock abduction, strong dose of virtue
and repentance. Serve up with viii
lage church, happy parent, delighted
daughter, reformed rake, blissful bro
theirs, syren sisters, and perfect denouc-
menf
N. b. Season with perspective chris
tening and postponed eptaph.
a Startling Romance.--Take n
small boy, charity, factory, carpenters
apprentice, or otherwise. rs OCCASION
may serve, stew him well down in vice,
garnish largely with oaihs and fash
songs. boil him in cauldron of crime
and improbabiliies. Season equally
with good and bad qualities. iniuse pet
ty larceny, affection, benevolence, and
burglary, honor and housebreaking,
amiabilty and arson, boil all gently.
Stew down mad mother, gang Of
robbers, several p stols, a bloody knife.
serve up with couple Of murders, and
season with hanging match.
N. Is. Alter the ingredients to bea.
die and workhouse, the scenes may
be the same, but the whole flavor Of
vice will be lost, and the boy will turn
out perfect pattern. Strongly recon-
mended for weak stomachs.
I'm Historical Diiio.-Takea young
man six feet high, mix up with horse,
draw squire from his fathers estate
(the broad-shouldcred and loquacious
arc the best sort, prepare both for pot
| ting THAT is, cxpor,ipg.) When abroad,
introduce a well pounded Saraccn, a
foreign princess, stew down couple Of
dwaris and a conquered giant, fill two
sauce tnreens with prodigious ransom.
Garnish with garlands and dead Turks.
Serve up with royal marriage and
cloth of gold.
n Narrative. Take distant vii
lage, follow with high-road, introduce
and boil down a pedlar, gut his pack,
and cut his throat, hang him mp by the
heels, when enough, let his brother cut
him down, get both into a stew, pepper
the real murderer, grill tho innocent for
n short time, take them oil. and put
delinquents in their place (thesc can
scarce be broiled TO much, and n strong
fire is particularly recommended ~
When real perpetrators are done, all is
complete.
II the parties have been poor. serve
up with mint sauce, and the name OF
the enriched sufferer.
Biography Of Kings Lay in a
stock Of ''gammon" and pennyroyal.
carefully strip and pare all the tainted
parts away, when this can be done
without destroying the whole, wrap it
up in printed paper, containing all pos
sible virtues, haste with flattery, stuff
with adulation, garnish with fictitious