Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-04-26
From the London Punch.
Mrs. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.

From the London Punch.
Mrs. CAUDLES CURTAIN LECTURES. |
LECTURE vi.
Mr.. Cuwdie has penfured q remcnstrauce ON |
/, his days dinner-Cold Nation and no Ptd.
ding. Mrs Casdle defends the Cold Shoul-
dsr.
"Umph! I'm sure Well, | wonder what
it will Be next! There's nothing proper. now
nothing al all. Better get somebody else
to keep the house, ! think. | can't do il now,
il seems m only in the way here Id bet
, Ter take" the children, and 90.
What am ! grulnbling about now? It's
very well for YOU to ask that I'm sure I'd
better be- out of the worll than--there now,
MIR. Caudle, there YOU are again | shall
speak, sir. Ii isn't often | open my mouth,
heaven kaows! But YOU like to hear nobody
Talk buI yourself. 20 I ought to have married
a negro slsSe, sri not amy respectable wo-
You're to go about the house looking like
thunder all day. and I'm not TO say u word.
Where do You think buildings To cine from
every day. You show Il nice example To your
children, you do; complaining, and turning
your nose up at q sweet piece of cold mutton,
because there's no pudding! You go a nice
way TO make 'em cxtrayagant-,each 'em nice
lessons To begin the world with. DO you
know what buildings cost; or do you think
they ny i'm at the window?
"lou hate cold muttonl The more shame
for YOU, Mr.. Caudle. I'm sure you've the
stomach of a lord, you have. No, sir; l didn't
choose TO hash the mutton. It's very easy for
you to say hash il; but l know what a Joint
loses IN hashing; it's a days dinner the less,
il it's a bit. Yes, l dare say; other people
may have buildings with cold mutton. No
doubt OF IT; and other people become bank
rupts. But il you get into the Gazette, il
| Shnnf hn ,na.g I.H1s =. Inl
wife To YOU, Mr.. Caudle; you shall never have
ii to say that it was my housekeeping that
brought you to bcggary. No; you may sulk
at the cold meat, ha! hope you'll never live
to want such a piece of cold mutton as we
had to-day? And YOU may threaten to 90 to
4 IA tavern TO dine but with our present means,
not a cramb of pudding do you get from me,
You shall have nothing but the cold joint
nothing, as I'm q Christian sinner.
/ Eyes; there you are, throwing those fowls
! i'm my face again! know you once brought
I hon. a pair Of fowls l know it; and wefn't
| you mean enough to want to stop 'em out of
my weeks money? Oh the selishness-the
shabbiness Of men! They can go out and
I throw away pounds upon pounds with a pack
OF people who laugh at 'em afterwards; but il
: i~tsanything wanted for their own homes, their
poor wives may hunt for it. ! wonder you
don't blush to name those fowls again! l
wouldn't be so little for the world, Mr.. Caudle!
What are you going to do? Going to get
up Don't make yourself ridiculous, Mr..
Caudle l can't say a word to YOU like any
other wife, but you must threaten to get up.
DO be ashamed of yourself.
"Puddings, indeed! Do YOU think I'm
made of buildings? Didn't you have some
boiled rice three weeks ago? Besides, is this
the time of the year for buildings? It's all
very well if l had money enough allowed me
like any other wife to keep the house with,
then, indeed, l might have preserves like any
other woman; now it's impossible and it's
cruel-yes, MIR. Caudlc, cruel--of you to ex-
pect il.
"Apples Amt so dear, amt they? know
what apples are, Mr.. Caudle, without your
telling me. But l suppose you want some
thing more than apples for dumplings? l
suppose sugar costs something, doesn't it ?
And that's how II rs. That's how one ex-
pense brings on another, and that now people
60 to ruin.
"Pancakes! What's the use of your living
muttering about pancakes? Don't YOU al,
, ways have EN- once a year-every Shrove
TUESDAY? And what would any moderate
, decent man want more = = n1o0ea'
Pancakes, indeed! Pray, Mr.. Caudle.--
no, itsno use your saying fine words tome TO
let you go to sleep; l shan't! pray do YOU
know the price OF eggs, just now? There's
not an egg YOU can trust to under seven and
eight a shilling; well, you've only Just to
reckon up how many eggs-don't lie swear
ing there at the eggs, in that manner Mr..
Caudie, unless you expect the bed to open un-
der you. You call yourself a respectable
tIadesman, suppose! Ha! | only wish peo-
pie knew you as well as | do! Swearing at
eggs, indeed! But I'm tired of this usage. Mr..
Caudle quite tired of it; and | don't care
how soon it's ended.
I'm sure | do nothing but work and labor,
ana thlnk how TO make the most of every thing;
and tins IS how I'm rewarded. | should like
to see any body whose joints go farther than
mine. But if | was TO throw away your mon
ey into the street; or lay il out in fine feathers
ON myself, | should be better thought of. The
woman who studies her husband and her fam
lly is always made a drudge of. It's your fine
ial lal wives who've the best time of it..
&" WHATS the use of your lying groaning i'm
that manner! That won't make me hold INV
tongue can tell you. You think to have Il
all your " way-but you won't, Mr.. Caudle!
You can insult my dinner look like a demon.
l may say,at a wholesome piece of cold NUT
ton-ha! the thousands offar better creatures
than you are who'd been thankful for that
mutton and I'm never to speak! But you're
mistaken, l viii! our usage OF me, Mr..
Caudle, is inlamous-unworthy of a man. |
only wish people knew you for what you are 4;
but they shall some day.
"Puddings! And now | suppose I shall
hear of nothing but puddings! Yes, and |
know what it would end in. First, you'd
have a pudding every day;--oh, ! know your
eXtravagance-thcn you'd go for fish-then |
shouldn't wonder il you'd have SOUP; turtle,
no doubt ; then you'd go for a dessert; and
oh | see IL alb as plain asthe quilt before me
-bu no! not while 1 live What your Sec
ond wife may do, | don't know perhaps
5hcH be a fine lady but You shan't be ruined
b. me, Mr. Caudle that I'm determined.
Puddings, indeed Pu-dding-sl Pudd-"
Exhausted nature" says Caudle, could
h,oid Out no longer. Here my wife went to
sleep"
BEN J0HNSON'S BURIAL PLACE IN
WESTMINSTER ABBEY.-The words. 20