The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1845-05-31
MISCELLANY.
From The London Punch. -
MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN Lee
TURES.
INTRODUCTION.


perhaps, in more respects than one, all ears. And
these ears, Mrs. Caudle-his lawful welded wife
as she would ever and anon press upon him, fol
she was not a woman to wear chains without
shaking them-took whole and sole possession Of
They were her entire property; as expressly made
to convey TO Caudle's brain the stream of wisdom
that continually flowed from the lips of his wife
as was the tin funnel through which Mrs Caudle
IN vintage time. bottled her elder wine There
swas. however, this difference between the wisdom
and the wine. The wine was always sugared the
wisdom never. 1t was expressed crude from the
heart Of Mrs. Caudle, who, doubtless, trusted to
the sweetness of her husbands disposition to make
IL agree with him.
Philosophers have debaled whether morning or
night is most conducive to the strongest and clear
est moral impressions. The Greciln sage confess
ed that his labor smelt of the lamp. In like manner
did Mrs. Caudle's wisdom smell of the rushIight.
She knew that her husband was too much distract
ed by his business as toy-man, and dol-merchant
to digest her lessons in the broad day. Besides.
she could never make sure of him; he was always
Liable to be summoned to the shop Now from
eleven at night, until seven in the morning, there
was no retreat for him. He was compelled to lie
and listen. Perhaps there was little magnanimity
in this on the part of Mrs. Caude but in marriage
as in war, it is permitted TO take every advantage
of the enemy. Besides, Mrs Caude copied very
ancient authority. Minerals bird, the very wlset
thing in feathers, is SILENT all the day. So was
Mrs. Caudle. Like the owl, she hooted only at
night
Mr.. Caude was blessed with an ndomitable
constitution. One fact will prove the truth of this
He lived thirty years with Mrs Caudle, surviving
her. Yes, it took thirty years for Mrs Caudle to
lecture and dilate upon the joys, grets duties and
vicssitudes comprised within that seemingly small
circle-the wedding ring. We say, seemingly
small; for the thing, as viewed by the vulgar,
naked eye, is tiny hoop made for the third femi-
nine finger. Alack! like the ring of Saturn, for
good or evil it circles whole world. Or take
less gigantic figure, it compasses vast region; 1t
may be Arabia Felix, and it may be Arabia Petrea.
A lemon.hearted cynic might iken the wedding
ring to an ancient Circus, in which wild animals
clawed one another for the sport Of lookers-on
Perish the hyperbole! We would rather compare
it to an eliin ring, in which dancing fairies made
the sweetest music for infirm humanity
Manifold are the uses of rings Even swine are
famed by them. You will see vagrant, hilarious,
devastating porker-a full blooded fellow that
would bleed into many, many fathoms of black
pudding-you will see him, escaped from his pro-
per home, straying into eishbors garden. How
he tramples upon the hearts ease; how with quiv-
crng snout, he roots up lilies, odorferous bulbs!
Here he gives restless snatch at thyme and ma
joram-and here he munches vioets and giliflow-
ers. At length the marauder Is detected. seized
BY his owner and driven home To make the por-
ker less dangerous, it is determined that he shall
be ringe2 The sentence is pronounced -execu-
tion ordered. Listen to his screams!
"Woul1 you not think the knife was in his throat?
And yet they're only boring through his nose!"
Hence for all future time the porker behaves him.
self with sort OF forced propriety-for in either
nostr he carries ring. Itis for the greatness of
humanity, saddening thought, that sometimes
men must be treated no better than pigs.
But Mr.. Job Caud,e wat not Of these men,
Marriage to him was not made a necessity. No;
for him call it if you will happy chance, golden
accident. 1t is, however, enough for US to know
that he was married; and was therefore made the
recipient OF wife'S wisdom. Mrs Caudle, like
Mahomet's dove continua lily pecked at the good
mans ears; and it is happiness to learn from what
he left behind that he had hved all her sayings in
his brain; and further that he employed the mellow
evening of his life to put such sayings down, that
in due season they might be enshrined in imper-
ishable type
When Mr., Job Csude was left in this briery
world without his daily guide and nocturnal mon
itress, he was in the ripe fullness of ffty-seven
or three hours at least after he went to bed-such
slaves are we to habit-that he could not close an |
eye. His wife still talked at his. side. True it |
was, she was dead and decently inferred His
mind-it was a comfort to kdow n-could not
wander on this point; this he knew. Nevertheless
bis wife was with him. The ghost OF her tongue
still talked in the life; and again and again did
Job Caudle hear the monitions of by.gone years.
At times, so loud, SO lively, so real were the
ounds, that Job with cold chill, doubted if he
were really widowed. And theft, with the move
nent Of an arm, foot, he would assure himself
that he was alone In his holland Nevertheless,
The talk continued 1t was terrible 10 be thus
,aunted by a voice, to have advice. commands,
all sorts of saws and adages still
poured upon him, and no visible wife. Now did
he voice speak from the curtains; now from the
ester. and now did it whisper him from the very
pillow that he pressed. "Its dreadful thing that
her tongue should walk in this manner" said Job,
md then he thought confusedly of exorcism, or at
east counsel from the parish priest.
Whether Job, followed his own brain, or the
wise direction OF another, we know no.. But he
esolved every night to commit to paper one cur
ain lecture Of his late wife. The employment
would possibly lay the ghost that haunted him. 1t