Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-05-09
THE OLD MAIDS FIRST OFFER,

mast tell YOU the heart rciding story. i have
long wished to do so, and the time has at
length arrived. Here her voice dropped into
a confidential whisper.l Poor dear Major
Ogilvie, who is now dead and gone-heigh no!
had long been showing me marked atten-
ton, in fact paying his addresses, though he
never made his declarations; when one NOR
ning, alter having sung me a song of Faninel-
Hs-the music | believe was Glusk's-ah !!
you should have heard the Major, he was such
a sweet singer. Well, the Doctor had gone
out to buy newly invented fish saucc-poor
dear man he does like to have his fish we'll
dressed-and remember he took Fanchette,
my little beauty OF a spaniel with him, so that
the Major and were alone in the breakfast
parlor, when looking in my face he suddenly
went on one knee before me-ah! there pds
gallantry in those days-and taking my hand
which he tenderly pressed, made a passionate
avowal Of his love. l felt myself blushing
crimson, when at this agitating moment, just
as was going to utter a palpitating confession
OF my partiality, my eyes began to twinkle
and l felta tickling in my nose, my mouth
opened in spite of myself, and ! sneezed like an
explosion of gunpowder, right in his upturn.
ed and imploring face. Nowdo tell me, lady
Susan, you know how m%endOusly | ALWAYS
sneeze, did you ever-of all the awkward DC
currences.
The Major started, as well he might, but
recovered himself-so did l; he gazed at me
tenderly, expectingly and | was just about
to relieve him from suspense, when | sneezed
with a second and louder explosion, that
seemed to scatter the nose from my face. This
was a confusion to me and the Major, but still
holding my imprisoned hand, and looking
downward to avoid the shower bath | was un,
Intentionally scattering around me, he swore
| that he never would rise from his knees till
had pronounced. l uttered a heartfelt sigh,
and the soft avowal was just trembling on the
tip OF my tongue, when | felt something on the
tip of my nose. Lady Susan-it was begin
ming to bleed did you cver-of all the dis
tressing moments!
i struggled to withdraw nv hand, that !
might get my handkerchief i'm action, which
the Major attributed to coyness, and therefore
did he hold it more firmly. I'm the contest,
after frightfully spotting my tabinet silk gown,
three very large drops of blood fell upon the
Majors wrist! He started up--I closed my
eyes and sunk into a chair overwhelmed with
confusion. Surprising l had tainted, the
Major hastily seized a large tumbler of water
and threw it into my face. At such an un-
expected sousing, l screamed with surprise
and terror. The marshall powder which ]
-~.~-L ~oo ~i~a o fe..o~s Tor my powder
mingled with the water and blood, converted
my face into a hideous spectacle; when Jus,
at that moment the door flew open, and Fan
Ghetto, thinking that her mistress was killed
flew at the poor dear Major and bit a large
mouthful out of his left leg; while the good
horror-stricken doctor let the bottle of newl,
invented fish sauce fall from his hand and be
smashed to pieces on the floor. Now, dearest
Lady Susan, consider what must have been
my feeling did you ever!-such a scene.