Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1845-05-29
Amusing
FROM tbs LoNpps PUNCH.
MRS. CAUDLE's
CURTAIN LECTU RES.
M. Caaaisj joins Ciab--"Ta skyiarks"

I'D nef gave indn UdfHcot y hht ID, u
she can't be married to decent man -
No; don't care il you are tired, shan I
let you go to sleep. No, and ! won't say
what have to say ia the morning; III
say II now. It's ell very well for you to
come home at what lime yoa like--it's
now half-past twelve and, expect I'm TO
hold my tongue, and let you go 10 sleep.
What next, wonderl A woman had
better be sold Tor slave at once.
"And so you've gone and joined club
The Skyla.ks, indeed A pretty skvlafk
you'll make of yourself! Blu, ! won't
stay and be ruled by you. No; l'm de.
termlned on that. III go end take the
dear children and you may get who you
like to keep your house. That is, as long
as you have house TO keep-and that
won't be long, know.
elbow ony decent man can go and
spend his nights in tavern oh, yes,
| Mr.. Caudle; ! dare say you do Tor ra.
tional conversation. | should like to know
how many of you would care for what
YOU call rational conversation, il you had
It without your filthy brandy-and-wa,er;
yes, ard ycnr more filthy tobacco smoke.
Pm sure the last time you came home,
had the headache for week. But |
know who it is who's taking you to de.
struction. It's tina, brute, Prettymau.-
He has broken his own poor wife's heart,
and now he wants to-bnt don't you
think II, Mr.. Caudle; I'll not have my
peace of mind destroyed by the bes, man
that ever trod. Oh, yes know you
don't care SO long as you can appear
well to all the world-but the world lit
tie thinks how you behave 10 me. 1t
shall know il through-and I'm delermn-
ed.
GLOW any man canSeave his own hap
ply freside to go and sit, and smoke, a1d
drink, and talk with people who wouldn't
one of them lift finger to save him from
hauging-how any man can leave his
wi5p--and good wife too, though say
it-for parcel Of pot companions--oh,
its dsgracelul, Mr.. Caudle; its unieelng.
No man who has the least love for his
wife could do it.
"And suppose this is TO be the case
every Saturday. But know what I'll
do. | know--it's no use, Mr.. Caude,
your calling me good creature: l'm
not such fool as to be coaxed in that
way. No; you want to go to sleep,
you should come home in Christian time,
not at halfp past twelve. There was a
time when you were as regular al your
Preside as a kettle. That was when you
we're decent man, and didn't 60 with
Heaven knows who, drinking and smok
ing; and making what you think your
Jokes. never heard any good come to
man who cared about jokes. No res
pertab!e tradesmau does. But | know
what III do: III scare away your Sky
I4rks. The house sells liquor after twelve
OF Saturday night; and If i don't write
10 the magistrates, and have the license
taken away, Pm not lying IN this bed this
night. Yes, you NAV call me foolish
woman but no Mr.. Caudle, no !; IFS you
who are the foolish man; or worse than
foolish man you're--a wicked one
II you were 10 die to-morow--and the
people who go to public houses do all they
can to shorten their lives--l should like
to know who would write upon your tomb.
stone. "A tender husband and an affec-
Tomato father I'D have 90 such
iasehoods told of you, can assure you.
"Going and spending your money, and
-nonsense don't tell memo, if you
were to ten times swear IT, wouldn't be-
lieve that you only spent eighteen-pence
on a Saturday. You can't be all those
hours, and only spend eighteen. pence,
know better. Pan not quite fool, Mr..
Caudle. A great deal you could have
for eighteen pence And all the Club
married men and fathers Of families. -
The more shame for 'em Skylarks in.
deed They should call themselves Vul.
lures for they can only do as they al
ways 90 by robbng their innocent wives
and children. Eighteen pence a week
And il it was only that-do you know
what fiity.two gh,een-pences come to
IN year1 DO you ever think OF that
and see the gowns wear! I'm sure |
can't, out of the house money, buy N.Y.
self pin cushion; though I've wanted
one these six months. No, not so much
as ball of COTTON. But what do you care
50 you can get your brandy and water
There's the girls, too--the things they
want! They're never dressed like other
peoples children. But IT'S all the same
to their father. Oh yes! So he can go
with his skylarks they may wear sack
cloth for pinafores, and Pack-Ihread for
carriers.
"You'd better not let Mr.. Prcttyman
come here, that's all or, rather, you a
better bring him once. Yes, ! should
like TO see him. He wouldn't forget it,
A man who, may say, lives and moves
only in a spittoon. A man who has a
pipe in his mouth as constant as his front
teeth. A sort of tavern king, with a lot
of fools like you, to laugh at what he
thinks his jokes, and give him conse-
ouence. No, Mr.. Caudle, no; It's no use
Your telling me TO 90 to sleep, for | won't.
Go to sleep, indeed! Pm sure it's almost
time 10 get up, hardly know what's the
use OF coming TO bed at all now.
"The SkyIarks, indeed | suppose
you'll be buying Little Warbler, and
NJ uo,,r fime NJ life he frvino 10 sing