The Cadiz sentinel. [volume] (Cadiz, Ohio) 184?-1851, 1845-01-29

~~''S1 NAhAN9 HJBcSSHAAAu3 oAAN I'll hlliOo u Olll
genuses:
From The 81. Louis Reueille.
SWALLOWING OYSTERS ALIVE.
A Sucker--His First Oyster--SwaIOping ii
a~liUe--Terri6le charlottesville ReScuc-DiS-
appearance.
AT a late hour, the other night, the door of an
oyster-house in our city was thrust open, and in
stalked a hero from the Sucker State. He was
quite six feet high, spare, somewhat stopped, with
a hungry anxious countenance, and his hands
pushed clear down TO the bottom of his breaches
pockets. His outer covering was hard to define
but after surveying it infinitely, we came to the
conclusion that his suit had been made in his
boy-lIood, of a dingy, yellow linsey-woolsey, and
that, having sprouted up with astonishing rapid
ty, he had been forced to piece it out with all CO.
Tors, in order to keep pace with his body. In
spite of his eXertions, however, he had fallen in
arrears about a foot of the necessary length, and
consequently, stuck that far through his i~nexpres-
sibIes. His crop of hair was surmounted by the
funniest little seal-skin cap imaginable. After
taking a position, he INDUCED in a long stare at
the maj opening the ~biralpes, and slowly ejacu-
lated" ~Isters?"
eyes sir" responded the attentive operator;
" and fine ones they are, too"
swell, I've hearn tell Of listers afore,'' says he,
" but this is the fust time lve seed 'em, and pre-
haps, I4l know what thar made of afore | git out
of town.
Having expressed this desperate intention, he
cautiously approached "a plate, and scrutinized the
uncased shcll-fsh with a gravity and interest
which would have done honor to the most illus
trious searcher into the hidden mysteries Of ma
ture. At length he began to solilcquiso on
the difficulty of getting them out, and how
queer they looked when out.
81 never seed any thin hold on so-'takcs an
a-mazin' site of s%orewin,' boss, 10 get 'em out, and
amt they slick and slip'ry when they does come ?
Smooth as an eel ! I've a good mind to give
that Teller lodgins, just to realize the effects, as
uncle Jess used 10 say, about spekelation.n
"Well, sill" was the reply, " down with two
bits, and you can have a dozen.n
"TWo bits !" exclaimed the Sucker, "now
come, that's sticAin' it on rite strong, boss, for u.s.
tcrS. A dozen on 'em amt nothin' to a chicken,
and there's no gittin, moron a plcayune apiece
for them. Nv only realized f~orty-fye picayunes
on my first ventur' TO st. Louis. I'll tell you
what, III gin you two chickens for a dozen, if
you'll conclude to deal"
A wag, who was standing by indulging in a
dozen, winked to the attendant to she'll out, and
the offer was excepted.
"Now mind" repeated the Sucker, " all fair
two chickens for a DOZEN you're witness
mister" turning at the same time to the wag:
/" none of your tricks, for I've hearn tell that you
city fellors are nifty sIip'ry ~coons."
The bargain being fairly understood, our Suck,
CT squared himself for the onset--deliberately
put off his seal skin, tucked up his sleeves, anc
fork in hand, awaited the appearance of No. l
1t came-ho saw-and quickly it was bolted A
moments dreadful pause ensued. The wag drop
ped his knife and fork with a look of mingled
amazomenta and horror-something akin to Shaks
peare's Hamlet on seeing his daddy's ghost
while he burst into the exclamation
"Swallowed aliUe, as I'm a christian!"
Our Sucher hero had opened his mouth with
pleasure a moment before, butnow it stood open
a consciousness that all wasn't right, and igno.
rant Of the extent of the %wrong,--the uncer.
tainty of that moment was terrible. Urged to
desperation he faltered OUT
"What on airth's the row."
"Did you swallow it ~aliye?' e~nquired the
wag.
81 swallowcd it jist as he gin to mel" shout
ed the Sucker.
"You're a dead man!!' exclaimed his anxious
friend: "the creature is dIiUe and will eat right
through you," added he, in a most hopeless tone.
"Get a pizen pump and pump it out" scream
ed the Sucker, in a frenzy, his eyes fairly start
ing from their sockets. ooh, gracious!--whatI
do?" It's got hold of my innards, already
and am dead as a chicken lido somethin' fol
me, do--don't let the infarnal sea-toad eat me
afore your eyes,"
Why don't you put some of this on it?'' en-.
CURED the wag, pointing to a bottle of strong
pepper sauce.
= The hint was enough--the Sucker, upon the
instant, seized the bottle and, desperately
wrenchlng out the cork, swallowed half the con.
tents at a draught. He fairly s~quealed from its
effects, and gasped, and blowed, and pitched
and twisted, as if it were ~coursing through hin
with electric effect, while at the same time his
eyes ran a stream of tears. At length, becoming
a little composed, his waggish adviser approach.
ed, almost bursting with suppressed laughter
and enquired--
How are you now, old fellow--did you xii
it?'
"Well, l did, oss,"-ugh-ugh-o-o-o my in.
drdS. 1t that lister critters dying agonies didn't
STIR a ruction in me equal to a small airthquake
then faint no use sayin' tit squirmed like
sarpent when that killing stufftouched it; butt
and here, with a countenance made up of sup
pressed agony and present determination, he pau
sed as if to give force to his words, and slowly
and deliberately remarked" If you get two
chickens for that live animal I'm d-dr' and sci
zing his seal skin he panished.
!, The shout of laughter, and the contortions o
the company at this finale, would have made
spectator believe that they had Ol been "Swal
towing oysters alire."
Lines written on hearing ajeud esprit uttered