Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1845-06-05
AulusiGag
FROM Tue LoSpoS PUNCH.
MRS. CAUDLE's
G. URTAIN LEG TU RES.
Mr. Casdle Gas 90 a J TIarern - . Friena

~ Il IL IL - - J..
Mr.. Casdle aas been at a Tavern ,pith a Friend
Poor me Hal Pm sure don't know
who'd be poor woman | don't know
who'd tie themselves up to man, if they
knew only half they'd have to bear. A
vile must stay at home, and be drudge,
whilst man can 90 any where. It's
enough for q wife TO sit like Cinderella by
the ashes, whilst her husband can 90
drinking and singing at tavern. You
never sing How do know you never
sing It's very well for YOU 10 say so /;
but il | could hear you, dare say you're
amongst the worst OF EN-.
"And now, suppose, it viii be the
tavern every night. liyou think I'm GO
ing 10 sit up ior you, Mr.. Caudle, you re
very much mistaken. No; and Pm not
gong to get out OF my warm bed to lei
YOU in, either. No; nor Susan shan't sit
up for you. No; nor you shan't have a
latch key. I'm not going 10 sleep with
the door upon The latch, to DO murdered
before the morning.
"Faugh Pahl Whewgh That filthy
tobacco smoke It's enough 10 kill any
decent woman. You know hate lobac-
co, and yet you will do it. You don't
smoke yourself! What of that? YOU
60 among people who do smoke, you're
lust as bad, or worse. You might as well
smoke-iadeed better. Better smoke
YOURSELF than come home with other peo-
pies smoke IN your hair.
Il never knew any good come to man
who went to tavern. Nice companions
he picks up there! Yes; people who
make il a boast to treat their wives like
slaves, and ruin their families. There's
that wretch, Peityman. See what he's
come to. He doesn't now get home til
two 10 the morning and then in what a
state He begins quarrelng with the
door. mat, that his poor wife may be
afraid to speak TO him. mean wretch!
But don't you think III be like Mrs Pet
lyman? No; | wouldn't put Up with il
! from the best man that ever lrod. You'll
not make me afraid to speak to you, how
ever you may swear at the door mat
No, MIR. Caudle, that you won't.
"Iou don't intend to stay out TIL two
in the morning! How do you know what
you'll DO when you get among such PEG
pie Men can't answer for themselves
when they get boozing one with another
They never think Of their poor wives,
who are grieving and wearing themseve:
out at home. A nice headache you'll
have to morrow morning--or rather this
morning; for it must be past twelve
You won't have headache It's very
well for you to say so, but know you
will and then you may nurse yourself
for me. lla that filthy tobacco again
No; | shall not go to sleep like good
soul How's people to 60 to sleep when
they're suffocated?
eyes, Mr.. Caudle, you'll be nice and
i'll in the morning But don't you think
I'm going to let you have your breakfast
10 bed, like Mrs. Pettyman. III not be
such fool. No; nor won't have dis,
credit brought upon the house by send
ing for water early, for ali the neigh.
borhood 10 say, 'Caudle was drunk last
nghtr No; I've some regard for the
dear children if you haven't No; nor
you shan't have broth for dinner Not
neck of mutton crosses my threshold, !
cun tell you.
"You WON'T want soda, and YOU won't
want broth! All the better. You wouldn',
get 'em # you did can assure you.-
D1ar, dear, dear! That filthy tobacco
/ I'm sure lis en- ugh 10 make me as bad
as you are. Talking about getting d.
vorced-l'm sure tobacco ought to be
good grounds. How little does woman
think when she marres that she gives
herself up TO be poisoned ? You men con.
trve TO have it all on your own SIDE, you
do. Now il was to 90 aud leave you
and the chtldren, a pretty noise tbere'd
b. You, however, can go and smoke
no end Of pipes-Y GU didn't smoke It's
all the same, Mr.. Candle, If you so among
smoking people. Folks are known by
Their company, You'd better smoke
yourself than bling mo home the pipes
of all the world.
eyes, SEQ how it will be. Now you've
once gone TO tavern you'll always be
going. You'll be coming home tipsy ev.
cry night, and tumbling down and bre TX.
ing your leg, and putting out your shout
der, and bringing all sorts Of disgrace aud
expense upon us. And then you'll be
getting into street 6ght-ohi know
your temper too well to doubt il, Mr..
Caudle-and be knocking down some Of
the police. And then know what will
follow. 1t must follow. Yes you'll be
sent for a month or six weeks to the tread.
mill. Pretty thing that, for respectable
tradesman, Mr.. Caude, to be put upon a
treadm;ll with all sorts OF thieves and vag-
abonds, and-ihere agan that horrible TO.
baccol-and rfi-raff Of every kind. |
should like 10 know how your children are
TO hold up their aeads. after their father
has been upon the tteadmdl! No; woR't
go to sleep. And l'mnol talking Of what
is impossible. know II will all happen
every bu Of il. II il was not for the
dear children, you might be ruined and
wouldn't 50 much as speak about il, but
oh, dear, dear! at least you might go
where they smoke good tobacco but
can't forget that lm their mother. At
4 Il. Ill L.