Iowa territorial gazette and advertiser., 1845-05-24
Mrs. Calldle's Curtain. Lectures.
LECTURE x-ON MR.. cAuDLE's SHIFT Bur-
sss9 s9 TONS.

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LECTURE x-oN MR.. cAuDLE's SHIFT MR.
aa M TONS.
There, Mr.. Caudle, / hope you're in a
little better temper than you were this
morning? There-you needn't begin to
whistle: people don't come 10 bed to whis-
tle. But it's like you. can't speak that
you don't try to insult me-. Once, l used
to say, you were the best creature living:
now,- you get quite fiend. Do let YOU
rest2 No, ! won't let you rest! It's the
only time ! have to talk TO you, and you
shall hear me. I'm put upon all day long:
it's very hard if can't speak word at
night; and it isn't often open my mouth,
goodness knows!
Because once in your lifetime your shirt
wanted button, you must almost swear
The roof off the house! You didn't swear?
tia, Mr.. Caudle, you don't know what you
do when you're in passion. You were
not in passion, wern't you? Well, then,
| don't know what passion Island think
| ought by this time. I've lived long
enough with you, Mr.. Caudle, to know that.
"lt's pity you havn't something worse
to complain ofthan button off your shirt.
II you'd some wives, you would, | know.
I'm snre Im never without needle-and-
thread in my hand. What with you and
the children, I'm made perfect slave of.
And what's my thanks? Why, if once in
your life buttons off your shirt-what
do you cry oh at9 / say once, Mr.. Cau-
die; or twice, or three times, at most. Pm
sure, Caudle, no mans buttons in the world
are better looked after than yours. l only
wish I'd kept the shirts you had when YOU
were first married! l should like to know
where were your buttons then?
"Yes, it IS worth talking Of! But that's
how you always to put me down. You
fly into rage, and then if only try to
speak you won't hear me. That's how you
men always will have all the talk to your.
selves: poor woman isn't allowed TO get
a word in.
"a nice notion you have Of wife, to
suppose she's nothing to think Of but her
buttons. A pretty notion, in-
deed, you have Of marriage. Ha, if poor
women only knew what they had to GO
What with buttons, and one
thing and another! They'd never tie them
selves up TO the best man in the world,
I'm sure. What would they do, Mr.. Cau-
die? Why, do much better without you,
Pm certain. 4
"And it'smy belief, after all, that the
button wasn't off the shirt: it's my belief
that you pulled it off, that you might have
something to talk about. Oh, you're ag-
enough, when you like, for any
:hing! All I know is, it's very odd that
The, button should be of The shirt;- for I'm
sure no woman's a greater slave to her
husbands buttons than am. I only say,
it's.very odd. 9
However, there's one comfort; it can't
last long. Inn worn to death with your
temper, and shan't trouble you great
while. Ha, you may laugh! And dare
say you would laugh! I've no doubt of ii!
That's your. love--that's your feeling! l
know that I'm sinking every day, though
l say nothing about it., And when I'm
gone, we shall see how your second wife
will look after your buttons! You'll find
out the difference, then. Yes, Caudle,
you'll think Of me, then: for then, hope,
you'll never have blessed button 10 your
back. sss aEse rs s.y
s'No, I'm not vindictive woman, Mr..
Caudle; nobody ever called me that, but
you., What do you say? Nobody ever
knew SO much OF me? That's nothing at
all to do with it. Ha! wouldn't have
your aggravating temper, Caudle, for mines
Of gold. It's good thing I'm not as wor-
rying as you are-or nice house there'd
be between us. / only wish you'd had a
wife that rould have talked to you! then
you'd have known the difference. But
you impose upon me, because, like poor
fool, | say nothing. ! should be ashamed
of myself, Caudle.
"And pretty example you set as a
father! You'll make your boys as bad as
yourself. Talking as you did all break
fast-time about your buttons! And of q
Sunday morning too! And you call your
self Christian! I should like to know
what your boys will say Of you when they
grow up? And all about a paltry button
off one Of your wristbands: decent man
wouldn't have mentioned it. Why won't
I hold my tongue? Because / won't hold
my tongue. I'm to have my peace Of mind
destroyed-I'm TO be worried into my
grave for miserable shirt-button, and I'm
10 hold my tongue! Oh! but that's just
like you men! fesis asA
aBot / know what I'll do for the future.
Every buttonyou have may drop of, and !
won't so much as put a thread to 'em.-
And I should like to know what you'll do
then? Oh, you must get somebody else to
sew 'em, must you? That's pretty threat
for ahusband to hold out to wife! And
to such wife as I've been, too; such q
negro-slave to your buttons, as | may say!
Somebody else to sew 'em, eh? No, eau.
die, no: not while Pm alive! When I'm
dead with what I'have to bear there's
no knowing how soon that may be-wher
Pm dead, l say--oh! what 4 brute you
must be to snore SO!
a7s 'sYou're not snoringp IIa! that's whal
you always say; but that's nothing to dc
with it. You must get somebody else tc
sew 'em, must you? Ha! I shouldn't won.
der. Oh no! / should be surprised al
nothing, now! Nothing it ALL It's wha'