The daily union. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1845-1857, 1845-08-23
MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.

ROMANCIsTA.
MRS. CAUDLE's CURTAIN LECTURES.
From the London Punch.
LECTURE XXI
Mr.. Caudle has mol acted "ike husband'' al the
,reddtng dinner
All me! It's no use Westinghouse at a but
do wish that yesterday fourteen years could come
back again Little did | think, MIR. Caudle, when
you brought me home from church, your lawful
welded wfe--little, ] say, did think that should
keep my wedding-dnner in the manner have done
to-day. Fourteen years ago! Yes, see you now
in your blue coat with bright buttons, and your
white watered-satin waiscoat, and moss rosebud
in your button-hole which you said was like me-
WHAT You nerer talked such nonsense? Hal Mr. eau
die, you don't know what you talked that day.
but do. Yes; and you then sat at the table as If
your face, as may say, was buttered with hapPi-
ness, and What No, Mr.. Caude, don't say
that: l have not wiped the butter off.-not L. If
you above all men are not happy, you ought to be,
gracious knows
Yes, / ,cii talk of fourteen years ago. Ha! you
sat beside then, and picked out all sorts of nice
things for me. You'd have given me pearls and
diamonds to eat, if could have swallowed 'em. Yes
say, you sat beside me, and-What do you talk
about You couldn't Sit beside me io-ddy2 That's
nothing at all to do with it. But it's SO like you.
can't speak, but you fly off TO something else Hal
and when the health of the young couple was drunk
what speech you made them 1t was delicious
How you made everybody cry, as if their hearts
were breaking and recolect as twas yesterday
how the tears ran down dear fathers nose, and how
dear mother nearly went into u fit Dear souls
They little thought, with all your fine talk, how you'd
use me- Hop hare you used me? oh, MIR. Caudle,
how can you ask that question: It's well for you
can't see you blush Ho,o have you used me!
Well, that the same tongue could makea speech
like that and then talk as il did to day Hop did
you talk? Why, shamefully. What did you say
about your welded happiness' Why, nothing
What did you say about your wife, Worse than
nothing. Just as if she bargain you were sor-
ry for, but were obliged to make the best Of What
do you sayi find bad's The best? If you say that
again, Caudle, III rise from my bed You didn't
say IL? What, then, did you say' Something very
like it, know Yes, pretty speech of thanks for a
husband! And everybody could see that you didn't
care a pin for me; and that's why you had 'em
here: that's why you invited em, TO insult me to
their faces, What made you inriie 'em? Oh, Cau-
die, what an aggravatng man you are.
suppose you'll say next made you invite Miss
PretlymaD? Oh yes don't tell me that her brother
brought her without your knowing II. What
Didn't 1 hear him san so? OF course did; but do
YOU suppose I'm quite fooR Do you think ]
don't know that that was all settled between YOU
And she must be nice person TO come unasked TO
a womans house, But know why she came. Oh
yes; she came to look about her. thai do mean?
Oh, meaning plOlil enough one came 10 see
how she should like the rooms--how she should
like my seat at the Fireplace; how she--and if it
isn't enough break mothers heart to be treated
so.--how she should like my dear children,
Now it's no use your bouncing about at--but of
course that's it; | can't mention Miss Prettyman,
but you fling about as if you were in a fit. OF
course that shows there's something in it. Other
wise, why should you disturb YOURSELF Do you
think didn't see her looking at the ciphers the
spoons, as if she already saw mine scratched out,
and hers therei No, shant drive you mad, Mr..
Caude; and if do, it's your own fault No other
man would treat the wife of his bosom n--wlat do
you sayi You might ipeH hare married hedgehog?
We'll, now it's come to something! But it's always
the case! Whenever you've seen that Miss Pretty
man, I'm sure TO be abused. A hedgehog! A pretty
thing for woman to be called by her husband!
Now, you don't think III lie quietly in bed and be
called a hedgehog--do you, Mr. Caudlei
Well, ] only hope Miss Prettyman had a good
dinner, that's all. had nonel You know | had
none--how was to get any, You know that the
only part of the turkey care foris the merry
thought; and that, of course, went to Miss Pref
lyman. Oh, saw you laugh when you put it on
her plate! And you don't suppose, after such an
insult that, I'D asteanother thing upon the tabe'
No, should hope have more spirit than that Yes;
and YOU took wine with her four times What
do you say Only hrice2 Oh, you were so lost
fascinated, Mr.. Caudle; yes, fascinated--that you
didn't know what you did. However, do think
Us
my own table. | say while Pm alive, for know |
shant last long, and then Miss Preuyman may
come and take 1t ALL Pm wasting daily, and no
wonder. never say anything about it, but every
week my gowns are taken in.
I've lived TO learn something TO be sure! Miss
Prettyman turned up her nose at my custards. IL
isn't sufficient that you're always finding fault
yourself, but you must bring women home TO sncer
at me at my own table. What do you say' She
didn't turn up her nose? know she did; not but
what it's needless--Providence has turned il up
quite enough for her already. And she must give
herself airs over my cusards! Oh, saw her min
cling with the spoon lf she was chewing sand.
What do you sayi She praised my plum udding2
Who asked her to praise il Like her impudence,
think
Yes, a pretty day I've passed. shall not forget
this weddng-day, think! And as say, pretty
speech you made in the way of thanks. No. Ca,i-
de- il was to live hundred years-you needn't
groan MIR. Caudle, shall not trouble you half that
time--ifI was to live hundred years, should
never forget il. Never You didn't even so much
as bring one of your children into your speech.
And--dear creaturesl--what have they done TO of
fend your No; shall not drive you mad It's
you, Mr.. Caudle, who'll drive me mad Everybody
says SO.
And you suppose didn't see how it was man
aged, that you and that Miss Prettyman were al
ways partners at whist Hon. tcas IL managed
Why, plain enough. OF course, you packed the
cards, and could cut what you liked You'd settled
that, between you. Yes; and when she played a
trick, instead Of leading off trump--she play
whist, indeed--what did you say to her, when she
found it was wrong' Oh--It was impossible that
her heart should mistake And this, Mr.. Caudle,
before peope--with your own wife IN the room!
And Miss Prettyman--I won't hold my tongue
tciH talk Of Miss Prettyman who's she, indeed,
thatl shouldn't talk of herr | suppose she thinks
she sings' What do you sayi She sings ike p,er-
maiH Yes, very-very like a mermaid: for she
never sings, but she exposes herself She might,
think have chosen another song. Il iore somebody
indeed; as il didn't know who was meant by that
somebody and all the room knew il, of course;
and that was what il done for-nothing else.
However, Mr.. Caude, as my minds made up, |
shall say no about the matter tonight, but try
to 60 to sleep.
"And to my establishment and gratitude" writes
Caudle, "she kept her word"