The daily union. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1845-1857, 1845-05-24
From the London Punch
MRS. CAUDLE's CURTAIN LECTURES.

MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES.
Mrs Catdie has been 10 her dear mother Casdie on
the joyful OCCASION" has gipen party and issued
the annexed card Of imitation.
Here is an engraved fac smile of a card display
ing punch bowl, broom, bottle glass, pipes,
and deadlatch key, neatly disposed, with the motto;
when the cats away the mice will play" and the
following invtation:l
Mr.. Caudle's compliments TO Mr. Preyn,ar, and ear
poets TO hare s honor Of his company this joyful
casion, al ha!epast eight o'clock.
at is hard, think, Mr. Caudle, that can't leave
home for a day or two, but the house must be turn
ed INTO tavern: tavern'--a pothousel Yes,
thought you were very anxious that | should go |
thought you wanted to get rid Of me for something
or you would not have insisted my staying at
dear mothers oil night. You were afraid should
get cold coming home, were your Oh yes, you can
be very tender, you can, Mr. Caude, when it suits
your own purpose. Yes; and the world thinks
what good husband you are only wish the world
knew as well as do, that's all; but il shall some
day, Pm determined.
'l'm sure the house will not be sweet for a month
All the curtains are poisoned with smoke; and
what's more, with the 6lthest smoke ever knew
Take 'e dorm, then? Yes, it's all very well for YOU
to say take EN- down; but they were only cleaned
and put up month ago; but a careful wife's lost
upon you, Mr.. Caudle. You ought to have mar
rled somebody who'd have let your house 90 TO
who don't care for their families are better thouSht
of than those who do; I've long found out that.
And what condition the carpets in! THEY'VE
taken hive pounds out Of it, if farthng with their
filthy boots, and don't know what besides And
then the smoke in the hearth-rug and large cder-
hole burnt IN ~ never saw such house in my
life IL you wanted to have a few friends, why
couldn't you invite em when your wife's at home,
like any other man. not have 'em sneaking in like
set OF housebreakers, directly woman turns her
oack' uhey must be pretty gentlemen, they must;
mean fellows, that are afraid to face woman. Ha,
and you all call yourselves the lords of creation!
should only like to see what would become of the
creation, if you were left to yourselves A pretty
pickle creation would be in very soon
You muat all have been in nice condition!
What do you say' You took nothing? Took
nothing, didn't your Pm sure there's such a regi-
'ment of empty bottles, hav'nt had the heart to
count em. And punch, too; you must have punch!
There's a hundred halflemons in the kitchen, if
there's one; for Susan, like good GIRL kept 'em TO
show 'em to me. No. sir; Susan shan't leave the
house What do you say She has no right to tell
tales, and you will be master in your own housei
VIII your If you don't alter, Mr.. Caudle, you'll
soon have no house to be master of. A whole loaf
Of sugar did leave in the cupboard, and now there
isn't as much as would fill tea-cup! Do you sup
pose I'm to find sugar for punch for fifty men,
What do you say' There wasn't ffty' Thst's no
matter; the more shame for 'em, sir I'm sure thew
drank enough for fifty. Do you suppose I'm to
find sugar for punch for all the world out of my
housekeeping money! You don't ask mel Don't
you ask mel You do; you know you do; for if
only want shilling extra, the house is in blaze
And yet whole loaf of sugarcan you throw away
upon. No, won't be STILL and won't let
you 60 to sleep If you'd got to bed at a proper
hour last night you wouldn't have been so sleepy
now. You can sit up half the night with pack Of
people who don't care for you, and your poor wife
can't get in word!
And there's that China image that had when
was married. wouldn't have taken any sum of
money for it, and you know it--and how do find IL
With its precious head knocked off! And what
was more mean, more contemplate than all besides
it was Put on again, as if nothing had happened I
You kre,o nothing about III Now, how can you lie
there, in your Christian bed, Caudle and say that
You know that that fellow, Prettyman, knocked off
the head with the poker! You know that he did.
And you hadn't the feeling-yes, will say it--you
hadn't the feeling to protect what you knew was
precious to me. Oh, no, If the truth was known,
you were very glad to see it broken for that very
reason.
every way I've been insulted. should like to
know who it was who corked whiskers on my dear |
auDt's picture, LOh you're laughing are you'
You're moi laughing? Don't tell me that. should
like to know what shakes the bed, them if you're
not laughing' Yes, corked whiskers on her dear
faec--and she was good soul to you, Caudle and
you ought to be ashamed Of yourself to see her ill
USED. On, you may laugh. It's very easy to
laugh | only wish you'da little feeling like other
people, that's ALL
"Then there's my China mug--the mug had
before was married--when l was happy crea-
lure should like TO know who knocked the spout
off that mug Don't tell me it was cracked before
it's no such thing, Caude; there wasnta flaw in it,
and now, could have cried when saw it. Don't
tell me il wasn't worth two pence. How do you
know You never buy mugs. But that's like men;
they think nothing in house costs anything.
"Thero's four glasses broke, and nine cracked
At least, that's oil I've found at present, but
lare say shall discover dozen tomorrow.
sand ] should like TO know where the cotton
umbrellas gone to--and should like to know who
broke the bel-puI-and perhaps you don't know
here's leg off chair--and perhaps''-
"Here," says Caude, morpheus came to my
nd, and slept; nay, think snored."
RI RofeIey Douo a. IN H,,c};oooero