Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-05-08

A hero OF NiTginian mould
Whom Bumbletown contrives to hold.
Then let me strike the sounding Tyre
And sing the General and Esquire.
What God or Goddess at his birth
Presided, it were surely worth
Some worlds TO know-but who shall say?
"Twere strange if any stayed away.
His more than mortal gifts declare
That two or three, at least, were there.
When in the Senate he hath shone
Minerva claimed him as her own;
But by the special gift of Mars
He wears a title known i'm wars;
And both in peace and war he shines
The ~favorite of the God of winds;
While Neptune from his watery home
Sends him supplies of froth and foam.
So frothy, windy, wise and brave
Such gifts no single god e'er gave.
In those grave halls whose fierce "array'
Of Jurors starving without pay
A single judge is won't to charge"
Armed only with the Acts at large
And lawyers, no less daring, court
Assaults and batteries as 'twere sport,
And dearly sell their latest breath,
Loving, like buzzards, fields of death
There first our hero won renown,
There first surprised and stormed a town.
Who shall relate what bold attacks
He made on men--behind their backs.
What prisoners by his " points" were hit,
What daring 1" %sallies" too-of wit
That set the table in a roar
(He thumped it so against the floor J
What siege to juries oft he laid
Subduing them by speech blockade
Until, long past the hour of noon,
He captive led the whole platoon.
Stunnf2er1; wind and foam and froth
Oh ne'er such fatal blasts did blow
since rams horns le~olisd yvIicno.
All me! did Bumbletown then view in
This man her architect of ruin?
Thus first did he his warlike rustics
Cut up within the halls of Justice,
And plainly proved by wordy wars
He was a lawful son of Mars.
And soon his martial fame went round
And filled all corners of the town,
And ne himself al last did bear it
10 where ii was most use TO wear it
The house where Generals are made
BY men who understand their trade.
l doubt not Mars would have been there
Revealing what his son could dare,
The glory his bold arms had won
And all that he had not yet done;
Blu we'll he knew the prudent elf,
HIS son, could blow his trump himself.
~ Z I tllu IL tCIlOtS vet
Down in the Bumbletown Gazette.
When his " fame demanded wind
He left his brmer self behind
And blew snch blasts as fairly made
The god of Winds forsake his trade.
He'd special claims (himself decidedly
10 be made General, being provided
With brassfor ordnance and with lead
For ammulition-in his head.
But still a question grave remains
lAdmittiB he has warlike brains)
And ere or hero is elected
a wise committee is selected
Whose duty this sole question makes
is this Esquire afraid of snakes 2"
For betternever take he field
Than to his only foeman yield.
Persons and papers being sent for
Our hero 'oon got what he went for.
BY proving for the Offices sake)
lie had mere venom than a snake;
And he who was a simple squire
A Genera is without one fire.
How kline to win such rank and fame.
Withoutthe wars, the blood, the flannel
But Mars not long enjoyed alone
The son lie loved to call his own,
For soon his rival, wise Minerva
Set upa claim that he should serve
Session i, her halls of wisdom
Where silent urma"-the warrior is dumb
And in a trice our General s gone
TO the House of Legislation.
And has the hero left behind
ms arms-the foam, the froth, the wind7
VI rs the warrior truly dumb
And hustled at last his old h~um-dum7
rerish he thought And list, oh list.
How ne see-sawed with brandished fist,
Scattered his wind with wrathful roar
A md I'm mod aG hO NEE fD..-.l If
And chiefly how he reared and yaulted
When N his fury he assaulted
The universal Whigtown nation
And give Tor got) a mighty thrashine.
1t mtters not what fatal feud
This bloody warfare first had brewed.
Sufiice-that at some little station
About the head Of navigation
Of Little Cannaw, the people Thought
That not content with roads thew We got)
They ought to have an iron track
10 makct eggs and then ride back,
And tot to ElsinoIe the trade
WhichIittle Cannaw had-they said.
Now Whigtown folk set up their claim
10 have This Rail -road-when il came
lhls was their crime-but none can tell
What punishment their crime befel.
The fgvorite Of the Gods arose
And bristling, Jove-like, shook his clothes.
The words like thunders swiftly fell
On the devoted town p~ell-mell.
10 you who've heard our hero speak,
ne best description would seam weak,
10 you who never heard his voice
words can't convey one half-the noise.
lie worked his arms as blacksmiths do
lhelr bellows handles and soon, too.
From him as from a bellows muzzle
power oil wind began to guzzle.
Tie pulled, he smortcd, raved and tore