The Woodstock age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1844-1845, 1845-03-27
For the Woodstock Age.
AN ADDISON COUNTY "TEMPER-
ANCE TEA PARTY"

illDI 4 S'h PSi
ance Tea Party THAT is just one kink above
your comprehension. Well! lay your
sword one side and tuck your epauletts
out of sight, and you shall have an expla-
nation
From all ! can learn of your people
they stick to the old WORKOUT fashion Of
doing good by persuasion, and let their
ncighbors think as they please on some
subjects. | suppose in yourneighborhood
man can eat, and drink, and sleep, and
snore if he pcases, without being set
right. Now, that is all wrong; a man
must not do any of these things for him
self-thaPS his neighbors business. The
Nelghbor pays taxes don't he? Then
ISN'T it clear as mud that you should not
eat, drink, sleep or snore except as he
says, since there Is chance that you'll
"come on the town. unless you do these
things in an orthordox way? or course
it is.
We, on this side of the mountain
have machinery for this business; we
have competent managers, whose valuable
time is exclusively devoted to running
the hopper and taking the toll; we pay
800, or 400, dollars year 10 these men,
and we usually select those among Us,
who somehow have always been uniortu-
nate in their own business, and who have
no visible means of substance.
These men get up Tea Parties and
Conventions and Professions and Cold
Water Armies, and other little porfor-
mances, as part of their business. Be-
sides we have good many assistant man
ayers, good, pous, moral men, who
don't regard their own interest at all, but
spend their time in visiting their neigh
bors, holding up warnings and seeing
that all the Benevolent opera ions of the
day are properly attended to, and who,
though they don't exactly minglc in our
society yet give rules prescribing what
we may do, when we get together
These men are the Commodores of the
Squadron of "Moral Enterprises" ard
some Of them receive II great deal of
comfort and consolation from their amia-
bic wives, who likewise regulate the gils'
police, attend to the weddings and par
ties, and exercise a general supervision
over every body's children except their
own.
In short, ours is a model community
for sound public opinion and good NOR
ais
Now, this "Temperanco Tea Party"
business is only one cog in the big Wheel
and may be described as follows:
Some out-of-the-way corner ofthc town
is selected, and room provided for the
occasion which is artistjcalIy decorated
with lestoons of evergreen, bits of red
and yellow ribbons, paper cuttings and
profusion of talow candles, with notices
and adages, and banners and flags with
neat and appropriate devices, emblens
symbols and hieroglyphics, either directly
or indirectly depreca,ing decanters and
wine glasses as well as their more hum.
bic ncighbors the cantecns and jugs.
A long table covered with white, and at
respectful distances, dotted with piles
of cookies and cakes, biscuit and ginger.
bread, and other cheap representatives Of
food, stretches away through the length
of the apartment. Aud next to this on
each side are ranged side by side upon
long seats great crowd of very small
boys, (who being of the "rising genera
ton" have an interest in this business
altogether disappointment to their size)
secured and scrubbed for the occasion,
in clean dckics and other innocent dis
guiSes, who are eXhorted by their anna
bic papas, to keep very still, and set up
very near straight, and not to NEEDLE, on
any account, with the noses or hair of
their companions. Right opposite, are
seated on very little benches large row
of very little girls (who stand in great
deal of danger from hard drinking) be-
longing to the staff of the female "coId
water army" all dressed in white, with
their hair done up in cues tipped with
pink ribbons, and sticking straight out,
behind, like the reversed arms Of militia
company
Then, behind these, follow in regular
gradation the LADS and lasses, each by
themselves, the young men and madens
the old men and grannies, and the wall
columns are filled with the fence viewers
and grenOders of til. company, standing
six feet i'm their stOcEinrs-and no broad