Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1845-04-24
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AAnnUg1lgo
SHORT PATENT SERMON.
The followingg lines, by Lucy, will
compose my text for this occasion:

compose my text for this occasion:
How difiident the beaux have grown,
! la fact they're perfect churls;
Such shameful GOODNESS now is shown,
They never squeeze the girls.
| But females have devised plan,
| In lieu of these cold elves,
They nov 20 shame upon you man.)
With corsets SOU eeze themselves
Nv hearers-A poor excuse is general
ly sckno edged TO be better than none;
but the excuse that Lucy gives for girls
making insects of themselves, is almost
TOO weak - bear up the weight Of a seri-
Gus consideration. Ii the girls suppose
that our young men have grown so selfish
aud ehurly as TO care nothing about CIV
| ing them an occasional affeciionate
squeeze, they surely must be ignorant Of
the nature Of these bipeGs, They may
not squeeze SO much nor SO often as the
fair candidates for being squeezed might
wish, for the good reason that the latter
100 frequently love TO tanialize poor
fellow by throwing out special invitations,
and then run away for the sake oil being
run after. But, my friends, just give a
young chap fair chance at q pretty girl,
and If he doesn't give her such hug as
to make her think patent bed screw was
put to her, I'll forego my faith in all me-
chanica operations. belong to the mas
culine gender myself and know something
about this matter by experience. | am
perfect steel trap in my way. Let a
female just rub against my breas. pin,
with fond look in her eye, and my arms
don't remain inspiring Tor more than half
a moment at the longest. |, is all non.
sense girls to complain Of not being snfii.
centIy squeezed. II they would put
themselves in the way of being fondIy
pressed, they wouldn't have to wait long
for the qualification of their desires
This is the case in the town where | be-.
long, aud ! have no doubt it is the same
all the world over.
My dear grls-l like to see a small
waist as well as any body; and females
with hour glass shapes always suit my
fancy much better than your Dutch-churn
| soup UdliCi, oSutu cOIt VI Duk
| don't want the credit given to corsets.
To nature, aad 20 nature alone, belongs
all the praise. In soo,h, lovely girls,
that portion of your fair persons which
you are the most apt to torture, is the
most tender, and you can never NEEDLE
with it with IMMUNITY. 1t is Of VITAL i'm
poriance that it should remain exactly as
the God OF nature has formed it. By
squeezing your waist into an unnaturaliy
small circumference, you compress your
lives into the narrow compass Of few
shor, years you don't give the believes.
es ia your bosoms a chance to blow, and
keep bright the flames of exis:ence--the
warm glow OF health soon leaves your
cheeks, or flashes by fits and starts, like
half choked gas burner--your eyes in
short time cease to sparkle with lov and
love- your roses Of beauty quickly fade
aud fall-you look as dull and worn out
as an old moon in the morning, and pale
and sickly as sunlight strained through
the windows of Catholic cathedral
Now, my interesting young creaturesses,
what do you gam by all your self.sqeez-
ing? You improve in appearance, as you
think, one part Of your person TO the det-
rIment Of anuther--at sacrifice Of health
and those Ioseate charms that bloom upon
your youthful features--and the face Ger.
tain,y is the most attractive part of the
female form divine.
My dearly beloved and interesting
young iemaes--it is absurd Tor you 10 de.
fend the tight lacing sy stem with the plea
that you are not sufficiently squeezed by
the beaux, for verify believe. that, were
they to hug you every day with strength
Of affection equal to forty horse power,
you would lace Just as highland per-
haps tighter. The only good excuse you
can offer is this: most, and may say all,
young men admire a small and delicate
waist-especially when based upon a
broad and solid foundation; and, as It Is
in accordance with your natures 10 ''study
to please" it must be expected that great
sacrifices will be- made 20 merit their APP
probation. The principal fault and blame
therefore, belong TO them, whale the weak
bNSo "bh WY 0it y NN'o' 80 A"' 10 w y
TASTE is concerned, however, can't say
that am liable to be fascinated with those
dyspeptyc misses from whose systems the
cruel corsets seem to have pressed almost
every particle Of life, vigor and animation
! No-give me the plump, mellow, juicy,
unllnkered by AIT Young maiden. fresh
as It were, from the hand Of Nature, as
blooming and as fragrant as the wild flow
err, moistened with the dews of morning,
That's the sort like; and | very much
doubt if there is a husband in the land Of
the living but will approve Of my choice,
Dear grls-lf you would only follow
the simple dictates of nature, without re-
sort to art or trickery, just rs many mar.
riages as now occur would take place
and far more happy. The traps that you
set are apt to deceive only the simple and
foolish, while the more knowing ones
keep at a safe and respectable distance,
and the consequence IS, you yourselves,
are brought TO repentance when i is too
late for tears and tear your-Shlrtaliveness
to avail. Parents! De careful that your
daughters turn out to be something more
than bottle. boiomed spiders, which weave
webs to catch the silly flies Of fashion and