Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-06-13
TIE PERIIS OF THE POLKA.

There they go! Heel and toe, turn FOUND.
arms, akimbo, stamp clap, and away with a
whiz Sirs, there's nothing like Polka. There's
mathematical accuracy about it which is quite
delightful especially To- profound philosopher
IKE me. can see in ii that which is the result
oil calculating, exact age. Never talk of grace
IN dancing, swan-'ike motion and all that
ial dc rail- its slpeer nonsense. The beauty,
the poetry of dancing. consists i'm IL. approNi.
nation TO mathematics; here curve aud there
n tangent; now II straight, line and ten para
bola; winding up with cycloid, executed like
herd oi danClug builaloes on stampede.
1t Is one OF the greatest inventions of the
age, my dear ladies, the Invention of the Polka.
I-Dancmg has become Gillette: il was languil
with old age: it was on its las, legs, may say.
To have seen u set walking through a auadrille
YOU would have thought them automatons,
from the land of Nod Jerking lazily about on
wires, and nodding sleepiy TO each other, like
Mandarans on chimney-piece. But the
folka has rcgencntcd all; it has infused the
| spirit al 16 into dancing. Just as yankee
Doodle" does; ii is "A lively, friskv. hop and
skip, crock-your-hccs sort of an affair some
thing like dancngas il used tn b. and awakens
vitality like an electric spark. Commend me
those who can dance the Polka, Honor To Count
korponay for teaching ii To us. And then. il
is glorious thing for old maids and widows;
like the sewing circles that young ladies hold
1t is society Tor the promotion of matrimony
admission free; and refreshments for marrying.
men gratis.
The widow Mullins was lady "of grea
weight, both sociably, talkably, and personal
ly speaking. Her ''dear defunct" had becur
Lille as seckeratter saponacious odds and end,
at kitchen doors. He spang, like phenix
from the ''ashcs," and by soaping all sorts OF
folks, at last got together cool fifty thousand
and died the most inveterate note broker on
change. People said he began by soaping and
ended III shaving. He lcfta widow, ROSY. fat
and forty, whose delight was i'm rich silks and
large bouquets, and who, in less than year
began to think it was sin for her to spend hel
income alone, when there were SO many de.
serving beaux, dying at her feet.
| Septimus Septissmus, the inventor of the
patent corn extractor and general emollient
was the most favored sutton. He was the Ado
mis- of the widows set. His whiskers curled
la Count DOrsay, and his shape was. as her
| friends had il, divine" But, Just as he was
about 10 pluck the fruit, rival came up. Ii
was Baron Sauer. whiskey, great Polka pro-
lessor. with even blacker whiskers, and ringlets
that Were irresistible. The widow took les
sons: the widow lost her heart. 1t was all up
with Septimus Septissimus; at least, so he
thought, and so thought all.
ih'ic was great Ddll. Inc WIDOW WAS
there. Septimus was theYo u''crr, TOO, was
,,ro- vurvrr. with no one but the noble Rms
sian would the widow dance. They took The
floor to Polka. 1t was to and fro, stamp and
hop, round about. and waltz: and as the dance
went ON and the music became livelier. the
energy the widow and her partner displayed
would have made your heart rejoice. The wi
dow's cheek grew roster; the professor pulled
with the exertion. Every body said il would
be match; and Septimusswore with vexa,ion
and wished for dagger to play the part of
brutus. But, alas! just at the height of the
performance, crack went Sauerwhiskey's mex
prcssibles; the knee had proved too much for
'hein' and; as the professor, horror struck look
cd down, his ringets fell off, and it was found
mat he wore wig. Those glossy locks, which
me widow had so much admired, were at her
ieet She shrieked and tainted. 1t was all
over with the professor.
The last we heard of the widow, was when
ller name was read TO us from newspaper as
that OF Mrs. Septimus Septissimus.
Every story should have its moral Here is
ours. ltem:-Never dance the Polka ia s,raps
especially with false hair.