Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-04-25
From the London Punch.
Mrs. CAUDLES CURTAIN LECTURES.

Mrs. CAUDLES CURTAIN LECTURES.
LECTURE IX.
MR.. CAuDLE HAS BEEN TO GREEN
WITCH FAlR.-Hem! So, Mr.. Caudle
hope YOU enjoyed yourself ut Greenwich. |
know il very well sir: know all about it
know more than you think know. thought
there was something in the wind. Yes, |
i was sure OF ii when you went out of the
house, to-day. l knew il BY the looks of YOU,
though l didn't say anything. Upon my
word! And you call yourself a respectable
man, and the father of a family! Going to a
fair amongst all sorts of people,-at your tim,
of life. Yes; and never thin of taking your
wife with you. Oh no! you can go and en-
JOY yourself out, with I don't care who: go
out and make yourself very pleasant, dare
say. Don't tell me | hear whata nice com
panion Mr.. Caudle is: what a good tempered
person. Ha! l only wish people could see
you at home, that's all: But so it is with
men. They can keep all their good temper
Tor out-of-doors-their wives never see anv of
II. Oh dear. I'm sure | don't know who'd
be a poor woman!
"Now. Caudlc, I'm not i'm an i'll temper /:
not at all. | know | used to be a fool when
we Were first married | used to worry and
fret myself TO death when you went out; but
I've got over that. Wouldn't put myself out
OF the way now for the best man that ever
trod. For what thanks does a poor woman
get? None at all. No: it's those who don't
care for their families, who are the best tho't
OF. ! only wish could bring myself not to
care for mine.
"And why couldn't you say, like a man,
you were going TO Greenwich Fair when you
went out? It's no use your saving that, Mr..
Caudle don't tell me that you didn't think
OF going you'd made your mind up to it, and
you know ii. Pretty games you've had, no
doubt! | should like to have been behind
you, that's all. A man at your time of life
And |, of course; / never want to 90 out.
Oh no! l may stay home with the cat. You
couldn't think of taking your wife and chill
dren, like any other decent man, to a fair.
Oh no you never care to be seen with us.
I'm sure, many people don't know you're mar
ried: how can they? Your wife's never seen
with you. Oh no; anybody but these be-
longing to you!
Greenwich Fair, indeed! Yes.-and of
course you went up and down the hill, run
nmg and racing with nobody knows who.
Don't tell me; | know what you are when
you're out. You don't suppose, Mr.. Caudle,
I've forgotten that pink bonnet, do YOU ?
No; | won't hold my tongue, and Pm not a
foolish woman. It's no matter, sir, if the
pink bonnet was fifty years ago-it's all the
same for that. No: and if / live for fifty
years TO come, | never will leave off talking
OF 1t. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
MIR. Caudle. Ha! few wives would have
been what I've been to you: l only wish my
time was to come over again, that's all 1
wouldn't be the fool l have been.
"Going to a fair and l suppose YOU had
your fortune told by the gypsies? You need
not have wasted your money. Pm sure | can
tell you your fortune, Mr.. Caudle. And it
would be no matter-none at all-if your
wife and children didn't suffer with YOU.
"And you must go riding upon donkeys-
you didn't go riding upon donkeys? Yes ;
it's very well for you to say so; but l dare
say you did. tell you, Caudle, | know what
you are when you're out. / wouldn't trust
any OF you-you especially, Caudle.
Then you must go in the thick of the fair.
and have the girls scratching your coat with
%ratties! You couldn't help it, if they did
scratch your coat? Don't tell me people
don't scratch coats unless they're encouraged
to no 1t. And you must go in a swing, too.
You didn't go ina swing? And Pm a foolish
woman to think so, am L? Well. if Won
didn't II was no fault of yours you wished
to go, I've no doubt.
And then you must go into the shows ?
There-you don't deny that. You did 90 into
a show. What of it, Mr.. Caudle & good
deal OF IT, sir. Nice crowding and Squeezing
in those shows, | know. Pretty places! And
you a marrled man and the father of a family.
NO. won't hold my tongue. It's very well
Tor you to threaten to get up. You're to 90
to Greenwich Fair, and race up and down the
hill, and play at kiss in the ring. Pah! it's
disgusting, Mr.. Caudle. Oh, 1 dare saw YOU
did play at it; if you didn't, you'd have liked.
and that's just as bad and you can 90 into
the swings, and shows, and round aboats. II
l was you, l should hide my head under the
clothes, and be ashamed of myself.
"And what's most selGsl-most mean OF
you, Caudle, you can go and enjoy Yourself,
and never so much as bring home to the chill
dren a gingerbreadnut.-Don't tell me that
your pocket was picked of a pound of nuts
Nice company you have been in to have your
pocket picked.
But dare say ! shall hear all about il to-
morrow, I've no doubt, sir, you were dancing
at the Anchor. should like to
have seen you. No: Pm not making myself
ridiculous. It's you that's making yourssll
ridiculous; and everybody that knows Won saws
So: Everybody knows what | nave TO put ur
with rom you. Il
"Going to a fair indeed9 AT your time
-" '
Here" says Caudle, "I dozed of, hearing
coniusedly the words-hill-gypsies-round
about-swings-pink bonnetUnuts."