Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1845-06-26

FROM TIE LONDON PUNCH.
MRS. CAUDLE's
CURTAIN LECTURES,
nm MR. cAupLE's SHIRT. BUTTONS.

I
whistle: people don't come to bed TO
whistle. Blu, ms like you. cant speak,
that you don't Try TO insult me. Once,
used 10 say, you were the best creature
living now, you get quite lend. 10
I let you rest 7 No, won't lei you rest.
It's the only time ! have to talk to You,
and you shall hear me. I'm put upon all
day long it's very hard il cant speak
word at night; and il isn't often ! open
my mouth, goodness knows
"Because once 10 your ! te,ime your
shirt wanted Sutton, you must almost
swear the roof off the house You didn't
swear? Ha, Mr.. Caudle you don't
know what you do when you're in pas
SION. You were no. in a passion, werai
you +? Well, then, don't know what
passion is-und think | ought by this
time. I've lived long enough with you,
Mr.. Candle, 10 know that.
"I!'s pity you havn't something worse
to complain of than button OIL your shirt.
If you'd some wives, you would, know.
! Pm sure l'm never without needle and
thread 10 my hand. What, with you and
the children, Pm made perfect slave OF.
And what's my thanks. Why, il once in
YOUR life buttons off your shlri-wha,
do YOU cry oh al Q i say once, Mr..
| Caudle; or twice, or three times, al most.
Pm sure, Caudle, no mans buttons in the
world are better looked aSer than yours.
only wish Id kept the shirts you had
When YOU were first married should
like 10 know where we're your buttons
then?
Eyes, il is worth talking of! But that's
! how you always try to put me down.
You fly into rage, and then II only Try
10 speak YOU won't hear me. That's how
you men always viii have all the talk TO
yourselves; poor woman isn't allowed
to get a word IN.
"A nice notion you have of wife, to
auppose she's nothing to think OF but her
husbands buttons. A pretty notion, ~
deed, you have of marriage. lia ! II
poor women only knew wha. they had to
90 through What with buttons, and
one thing and anotherl They'd never
tie themselves up to The best man IN the
world, Pm sure. What would they do,
Mr.. Caudlel Why, do much better
without you, I'm certain.
And IFS my belief. after all, that the
button wasn't of the shirt: lis my belief
that you pulled It off, that you might
have something TO talk about. Oh you're
aggravating enough, when you like, for
anything All | know is, it's very odd
that the button should be off the shirt
for I'm sure no woman's greater slave
to her husbands buttons Than am. |
only say, it's very odd.
However, there's one comfort; 1t
can't last long. Pm worn to death with
your temper, and shan't trouble you
grea. while. Ha, you may laugh! And
dare say you would laugh hive no
doubt of it, That's your love-,hats
your feeling know that I'm sinking
every day, though | say nothing about 1t.
Aud when Pm gone, we shall see how
your second wife VIII look after your but.
ions You'll fiod GU, the difference,
then. Yes, Caudle, you'll think of me,
then: for then, hope, you'll never have
a blessed button TO your back.
"No, Pm not vindictiye woman, Mr..
Caudle; nobody ever called me that, bu,
you. VIVA. do you sayl Nobody ever
knew so much Of mel That's nothing at
ali 10 do with 1t. Hs! wouldn't have
your aggravaiing temper, Caudle, for
mines OF gold. It's good thing I'm not
as worrying as you are-or nice house
inere'd be between US. only wish
you had wife that roald have talked
10 you then you'd have known the diff
ference. But you impose upon me, os.
cause, like poor fool, say nothing. !
should be ashamed of myself Caude.
"And pretty example you set as
father! You'll make your boys as bad
as yourself. Talking as you did all break
last. time about your buttonsl And of
Sunday morning too! And you call your
self a Christian! should Ike to koow
what your boys will say of you, when
they grow up! And all about palIy
button off one Of your wristbands: decen,
man wouldn't have mentioned it. Why
don't | hold my tongue. Because !
,oont hole my tongue. I'm TO have my
peace of mind destroyed-l'm to be wor
ried into my grave for miserable shirt
button, and Pm 10 hold my tonguel On!
but that's just like you, men.
"But know what pR do for the future.
Every button you have may drop oil, and
won't SO much as put thread to EN-.
And should like TO know what you'll DO
thenl That's pretty threat Tor a hus-
band to hold gu; to wile And to such
wife as I've been, too: such negro
slave 10 your buttons. as may say!-
Somebody else to sew 'em, chi No, eau
die no: not while Pm sliyel When I'm
dead-and from what have TO bear
there's no knowing how soon that may
be-when Pm dead, say-obi what a
bruts you must be TO Snore SOL
"You're not snoringl Ha that's what
you always say; out that's nothing TO DO
with il. You must get somebody else 10
sew 'em, must youl Hal ! shouldn't
wonder. Oh no. should be surprised at
nothing, now! Nothing at all It's what
people have always told me il would come
o,-and now, the buttons have opened
nv ewes! But the Who'll. world shall