Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1845-05-30
From the London Punch
ypS CarDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES,

b %S..JL On the "ioyfsl OCCASION" has given
t~sh,. and issued the ANNEXED card Of Iavita-
ton
"ur. Candles compliments to Mr.. Pretty
and expects to have the honor of his
gam mDany On this joyful occasion, at half-past
eight o'clock"
=, :. hard. l think, Mr.. Caudle, that can't
100 home for day or two, but the house
S" ,.t he turned into tavern: tavern? pot
amDnse! Yes, thought you were very anx-
n no.. that should go, l thought you wanted
~ net rid of me for something, or you would
wi have insisted on my staying at dear moth
w. p.,s all night. You were afraid should get
u soid coming home, were you? Oh yes, you
W. Wv he very tender, you can, Mr.. CaudIe,
s ~ben it suits your own purpose. Yes and
be world thinks what good husband you
"ro, | only wish the world knew you as we'll
ao d. that's all; but it shall, some day, I'm
determined.
I'm sure the house will not be sweet for a
Month. All the curtains are poisoned with
.moke and, what's more, with the filthiest
.nOke ever knew. Take m do1Un, then a
Yes, it's all very we'll for you to say, take IN
down; but they were only cleansed and put
m month ago; but careful wife's lost upon
YOU, Mr.. CaudIe. You ought to have married
somebody, who'd let your house 60 to wreck
and ruin, as | will for the future. People
who don't care for their families are better
thought of than those who do; I've long found
out that.
sAnd what a condition the carpets in -
They've taken five pounds out of it, if farth-
ing, with their filthy boots, and don't know
what besides. And then the smoke in the
hearth-rug, and large cinder-hole burnt in it!
never saw such house in my life If you
wanted to have few friends, why couldn't
YOU invite 'em when your wife's at home, like
any other man? not have 'em sneakng in like
set of house.breakers, directly woman turns
her back. They must be pretty gentlemen,
they must; mean fellows, they are afraid to
face woman! Ha! and you call yourselves
the lords Of the creation! / should only like
TO see what would become of the creation, if
7ou were left to yourselves ! A pretty pickle
creation would be in very soon!
You must all have been in nice condi-
sion What do you say? You took nothing?
Took nothing, didn't you? I'm sure there's
such regiment Of empty bottles, | haven't
had the heart to count 'em. And punch, too!
you must have had punch There's a hum
dred half-lemons ia the kitchen, if there's one;
for Susan, like good girl, kept 'em TO show
'em to me. No, sir; Susan ShGn't 1eQce tie
house! What do you say She has no right
to tell tales, and y0u WILL be muster in y0ur 0oVn
house! Will you! If you DONE alter, Mr..
Caudle, you'll soon have no house to be mas
Ter of. A whole loaf Of sugar did [ leave in
the cupboard, and now there isn't as much as
would fill tea cup. Do you suppose I'm to
find sugar for fifty men! What do you say !?
There 1oasn't fifty? That's no matter, the
more shame for 'em, sir. I'm sure they drank
enough for fifty. Do you suppose I'm to find
sugar for punch for all the world, out Of my
housekeeping money! You don't ask me ;
Don't you ask me? You do: you know you
do; for if | only want shilling extra, the
house is in a blaze. And yet whole loaf of
sugar can you throw away upon-No, |
1v0nt be still: and toon't let you 60 to sleep.
Ifyou'd got to bed at proper hour last night,
you wouldn't have been so sleepy now. Y GU
can 81! up half the night with pack of peo-
pie who don't care fory ou, and your poor wife
can't get in word!
And there's that China image that had
when was married. wouldn't have taken
any sum of money for it, and you know it
and how do | find ita With it's precious head
knocked off! And what was more mean,
more contemplate, than all besides, it was
put on again, as if nothing had happeneG.-
You knew nothing about it! Now, how car
you lie there, in your Christian bed, Caudle
and saw that! You know that that fellow
Prettyman, knocked off the head with the po
ker! You know that he did. And you hadn'
the feeling to protect whatyou knew was pre-
cious TO me. Oh no, if the truth was known
You were very glad to see it broken for tina
very reason.
Every way, I've been lnsuted. l shoulc
like to know who il was who corked whisker:
on my dear aunt's picture? Oh! you're laugh
ing, are you! You're not laughing! Dom
tell me that. | should like to know wha
shakes the bed, then, if you're not laughing
Yes, corked whiskers on her dear face-ant
she was good soul TO you, Caudle, and yor
ought to be ashamed of yourself to see her il
used. Oh, you may laugh! It's very easy tt
laugh! | only wish you'd little feeling, like
other people, that's all.
Then, there's my china mug-the mug
had before was married-when was hap
ply creature. should like to know who knock
ed the spout off that mug! Don't tell me i
was cracked before-it's no such thing, eau
die; there wasn't a flaw in it-and now,
could have cried when saw it. Don't tel
me it wasn't worth twopence. How do yo'
know! You never buy mugs. But that
like men; they think nothing in house cost
anything.
There's four glasses broke, and nine crack
ed. At least, that's all Ive foundout at pres
ent; but dare say shall discover a doze
tomorrow.
And | should like to know where the cot
ton umbrellas gone to-and ] should like t
know who broke the bell-pull-and perhap
You don't know there's leg off chair-ant
pernaps-'
Here says CaudIe, morpheus came t
my aid, and | slept; nay, think snored.'
From the Charleston Mercury.
Apprentices In the Merchant Service
The English papers are continually taun