Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1845-07-17
Amusing.
FROM Tss tosnos ruscn.
MRS. CAUDIE's
CURTAIN LECTURES.
TIM FAMILY uMBRELLA.--aRs. cAupLn
LECTURES THEREON.

"Ah, Tns,'s the third umbrella gone
since Christmas. What were you 10 Dol
Why let him go home in tho rsin, to be
sure. I'm very certain there was moth
ing abou, him that could spoil. Take
cold, indeed, He doesn'i look like one Of
the sort TO take cold. Besides he'd have
better taken cold than take our only um.
brela. Do you hear the rain, Mr.. eau.
dlef say do you hear the rsin' And.
a. I'm alive, If II isn't Saint Swi,hin's day!
Do you hear il against the windowsi--
Nonsense, you don't impose upon me-
You can't be asleep with such q shower
as that! Do you hear II. 1 sayi Oh, you
do hear il! Well, that's a pretty flood, l
think, to last for six weeks; and no STIR.
ring all the time out of the house. Pooh,
don't think me fool, Mr.. Csud.e. Don't
insult me. He return the umbrella AZ
i any body ever did return an umbrella.
There-do you hear il? Worse and
worse. Cats and dogs. and for six weeks
--slways six weeks. And no umbrella!
II should like TO know how the chill
dren are to go to school to. morrow. They
shan't go through such weather, I'm do
termned. No: they shall stop at home
and never learn anyihng--lhc blessed
creatures! thar 60 and get wet.
And when they grow up. | wonder who
they'll have 10 thank for knowing nothing
who, indeed. but their fatheri People
who can't feel for their own children ought
never TO be fathers.
"But know why you lent tho umbrel.
la. Oh. yes; know very well. was
going out to tea at dear mothers to-mor-
row, You knew that; and you did il on
purpose. Don't tell me; you did il on
purpose. Don't tell me; you hate mo
to go there. and take every mean a6van-
.age TO hinder me. But don't yon think
it, Mr.. Caudle. No, sir; if il comes down
in buckets full. IN go all the more. No:
and won'i have cab! Where do you
think the moneys to come from! You've
got nice high notions Of that Club Of yours,
A CAB, indeed, Cost me sixteenpence
at least--sixteenpence two. and eight
pence, for there's back again, Cabs, in
deed! should like TO know who's to pay
for EN-! can't pay for 'em; and I'm sure
you cant, " you go on as you do; throw
ing away your property, and beggaring
your children--buying umbrellas,
"Do you hear the rain Mr.. Caudle1 |
say do yau hear it Bot don't care
III go to mothers tomorrow; will and
what's mote, III walk every step Of tho
way;-and you know shat will give ma
my death. Don't call me foolish NO
man-its you that's the foolish meR.
You know can't wear clogs; aud with
no umbrella, the vets sure 10 give ms
cold-it always does. But wha, do you
care, for that may DO laid up sick for
what you care, as dare say / shall
and pretty doctors bill there'Il be.
hope there will II will teach you to lend
your umbrellas again. should mt Won
der if caught my death; yes; and ihat's
what you lent tho umbrella for.--Of
course
"Nice clothes, shall &c, too, trspe.
sing through weather like this. My gown
and bouno, will be spot quite. Needn',
| wear 'em lhenl lnde ed. Mr.. Caudle,
shall wear EN-. No, SIR, l'm not gong
out dowdy to please you or airy body else
Gracious knows! it isn't often that step
over the threshold, indeed, might a. well
DO slave at once, better, | should say.
But when 60 out. Mr.. Caudle, choose
to 70 out as lady. Oh! that rain--if /,
isn't enough to break in the windows.
ugh! | do look forward with dread
for Tomorrow How am 10 90 to mo-
theirs Pm sure can't tell. But II II die
I'll do ii. No, sir; won't borrow an
umbrella. No, and you shan't buy one.
with great cmphasis) Mr.. Caudie, il
you bring homo smother umbrella, I'll
throw il 10 the street. III have my own
umbrella. or none at all.
"Hs and it was only last week had
q new nozzle put to that umbrella. I'm
sure if I'd known as much as do nov.
It might have gone without one for me.
Paying for new nozzles. for other poo
pie to laugh a: you. Oh, it's all very
well for you-you can 60 TO sleep
You've no thought Of yeur poor patient
wife, and your dear children. You think
Of nothing but lending umbrellas.
"Men, indeed Call themselves lord Of
the creation !--pretty lords. when thsy
cant even take care OF an umbrella!
III know that walk tomorrow will BE-
the death of me. But that's what you
wsnt-ihen you may 60 to your Club, and
do a. you lke-snd then, nicely my poor
dear children will be used; but then, sir;
you'll DO happy. Oh, don't tell me /!
know you will. Else you'd never have
lent the umbrella!
"fou have TO 60 on Thursday about
that summons; and, OF course you csa'tgo.
No, indeed, you don't 90 without the UNI
brslla. You may lose the debt for what
| csre--it won't DO 90 much ~ spelling
your clothes better lose it: people de-.
serve to lose debts who lend umbrellas!
Sand should like to know how Pm 70
go to mothers without the umbrella Oh.
don't tell mo that, said icould go--tha,'s
nothing to do with it; nothing at all. She'll
think Pm neglecting her, and the little
money We were to have, We shsn't have
at sll--becau.e we've no umbrella.
"The children. tool Dear thine.t
They'll DO sopping vet: for they shsn't
top at home--they shsn't lose their lear
niup. it's All theiy fathay will l..v.