Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1845-06-02
From The London Punch.

From the London Punch.
MRS. CAUDLES CURTAIN LECTURES. |
Dr. Caudie has expressed a irish that one oil
has humorous ''httie responsibilities rere
81 the masculine gender. Mrs. Caudle is
horr0r-struck.
MIR. Caudle, the judgments Of heaven, will
TALL on you. ! should not be surprised if you
were TO be struck down. Finding fault with
the order OF naiure-and repining at the bles-
sings that are thrown into your lap. won
der what YOU won't say next. Wishing one
oil our darling girls was changed into a boy.
Caudle, you'll be punished for this There
might as well be no punishments, il a man is
not made TO feel them after such horrible
wish
What are YOU fighting and swearing at that
rate with. o, bed-bug! 1t is not SO Caudle,
II Is only trick to stop me from saying a
word. cannot speak word after come to
bed, but there is "a shirt button, d pudding, or
bed-bug thrown into my face. You may
lay and talk, and find fault and scold-but as
soon as your slave Of wife saws word, She $
insulted with a fling about bed bugs, or told to
stop her everlasting tongue. And this is the
treatment receive, after Shaving myself to
boil nice pudding for your dinner 1t wasn't
half done do you say7 Oh, Caudle if YOU
don't come to poverty, and know what il is to
want mouthtul of dinner, there is an end of
lJuitice-turning up your nose at lovely, nice
pudding, that tired your poor wife almost TO
death TO cook
about the house, instead of one of our pretty
little lady Caudles. And / shouldn't be sur
prlsed to hear that you had mentioned it at
that precious club of yours--and the fellows
there patted you on the back and told you that
you ought TO stand up for your rights.
shouldn't wonder if that Prettyman went home
and told his wife of it, and had hearty laugh
at your making fool of yourself. She's got a
house full of noisy, dirty, boys, and mighty
proud she is of them. Let me catch her laugh
ing at me because my boys are all girls Let
me catch her, that's all. She wouldn't desire
| to laugh but once-only once!
| A boyin the house First tearing this, then
breaking that; now pulling the cats tail
then brought home kicked by horse! When
old enough TO so about himself, running away
from school-or going off to sea Perhaps
when man, joining club-indeed know
he would if he took after his father -
Caudle, was not prepared for this treatment
| have been ill-treated, laughed at, swore at,
and told TO hold my tongue, before had spo-
ken scarcely word-but it remained for this
nights work to finish my trials. Boys and bed
bugs flung at me, as though was brute BEAST
there's some comfort in that. | shall die, or
so home to mother,-and you will be left to
find fault and scold 10 yourself. Don't tell
me that you was only in fun. Fun indeed
IT has come TO pretty pass, when you ac-
knowledge you are making fun of your wife.
Caudlc, you tell story. People don't come
TO bed to make fun. What do they come for?
They come to behave like Christian people -
Not TO tw'it of bed-bugs and then cry fun.-
len h,tui IN, hal H., IL
brute in it-a brute, sir,-and has wife with
the temper of lamb-a pattern of patience
that is put upon every day she lives, by her
husband, because he knows her angel temper
will not resist-who seldom opens her mouth,
ng boys or fGdS ihr own
into it!
Don't tell me that never spoke in nv life
that Fm dumb! Oh, Caudle, if it were a
possible thing, should be out of temper
This treatment is horrible Never spoke a
word! There's one word wish never had
spoke to you, sir! When you came bowling
and bending, and pleading, with your hat In
your hand, and your hypocritical smiles, and
beseeched me to make you so unspeakably
happy as to become Mrs. Caudle, was fool
enough then TO speak word that set you dan
eng about the room like a great fool as YOU
are Inc most unfortunate word ever said
~ W fpUi anu sorry i am
Tor 1t. What business had you to come around
dear mothers house, and beg me to 90 walk
ing with you, and wheedling me with your
nonsense?
Oh, you're not asleep then. What did Won
say, Mr.: Caudle? You wish had said no
Caudie, cannot endure this! III were not
patient christian should die under the burden!
suppose when you get through at that Club
oi yours you tell those pretty fellows there,
that you will go home and make fun of your
wlie-or catch bed-bug o that should ev. |
er live to be made fun of. Don't tell me Pve
no doubt you say so. You talk all the time,
and can't hardly speak word for myself
but the time will soon come, Caudle, when
you Will not have poor Margaret to find fault
with, and make fun of. i feel it coming eau |
die, am breaking down. You may laugh and
KICK around, but you'll find it so. amt
stock nor stone Done the best could, as
have, and then be twitted because we have
no boys among our little ones-as though that
was my fault-ss though my Clementina, and
hrabella, and Abramnta and Zuabella, and
Sophiama, and Angelica, are not better than
all the noisy, hallowing boys in the kingdom.
Oh, Caudlc, you are a cod-hearted-makino
iun-bed- bug-broken- hearted angel.
At this time, says Caudle's MS, nv wife q
tongue rested-and soon after | fell into n
troubled sleep--in which saw visions of dir
ty -faced boys-Mrs Caudle in fits-and tbo't
a bed.bug as large as an elephant rested on my
breas,D