The New era. [volume] ([Portsmouth, Va.]) 1845-1847, 1845-07-11
From the New Orleans Picayune.
BILL SNYDER'S EMPTY POCKET
pJSTOT

Bill Snyder's cap was an index ofhis cbarac
ter. 1t always rested jauntily upon his left ear.
WINE the right division of his soap locks, swing
ing clear TO the breeze, seemed to say to the ad-
mring gazer-'Bill Is a blood !'-His SWINGING
gait was OF that devil -may-care stamp which saws.
as plainly as language can, Here's for row -
mere was mischief in his eye--not that spor,ive
mischief which poets fancy they occasionally dis
cover In the eye ct rOmp but the species of mis-
ehiet which is developed in upsetting dry goods
BOXES ringing door bells at midnight, setting the
Guy IN an uproar by getting up false alarms of6re
ana as Bill used to be fond of expressing il,
Kicking up - fuss generally' There was
nothing radically malicious in his character IF
ne Iooned hen roost, it was not so much because
ne coveted ms neighbours goods, as because he
wished to prove himself master in the delicate
art OF Illicit appropriation. IF, when silence
rIeigned at the 'ghostly hour" he made the vel.
KIN ring with the cry Of fire. it was not because
ne lett any I'LL will towards his slumberng fellow
citiZen' ont simply because he wished to break up
the dIsagreeable dreams of the snoring watchmen.
ana Keep well creased the knee joints of the fire.
men. Nor did he ever perpetrate an assault
upon guardian of the night if he could find
private citizen who could give him an excuse fur
beating the double drag upon the bridge of his
nose; When he could not, then he deemed the
leather heads legitimate subjects upon which to
give Illustrations of his pugilistic powers.
D'ii was OF rowing dIspositon-a human loco
motive, and always had on good head of steam.
he mad remarkable anpathy to water He
deemed 1t good element in which to drown cats.
out good tor nothing to drown sorro,c
i m natural genius, soiIoquized Bill, upon
certain occasion. T'm natural oenius without
college farming. Pm not what they call well
read IN books, but allow that Pm well red in the
iace. mere amt so many blotches on nv charac-
ter as on my nose, and this is all owing to nv
way OF doing business. | don't keep no clerks to
square my accounts. My mouth is nv book
keeper and 1t posts all gin accounts on the princi
pie OF double entry. Pm six feet high, but I'm
oilen snort. once issued out writ of discovery
against my pockets. But it want no use. You
can't discover nothing with writ where there
amt nothing to discover. That stands to reason.
iney call me sinner 1t may be am but one
thlng IS sartln-lm spirit ualy inclined. Pm
tor the largest liberty and the largest horps
goes against all restraints, and so let's nv elbowa
and toes go out Now here I am, with two
pocket pistols, empty as charity box in hard
times But an empty pocket pistol aint as bad as
an empty pocket; but both at the same time is a
severe afiicllon upon human natur! Pm an ex-
nausted receiver, but genius can't be bottled I'D
IKE pint OF whiskey--no cash and the same
amount OF credit--a poor show for bust must
clrcumwent the enemyp Let's see waters
cheap and here's what wants pint Old Pinch
EN- don't mix liquors with no,hin'
with chuckle, Bill filed up one of his mint
pistols with water, and goes to old Pinchem's
"A pint of gin, Pncby'
There's the real stuff, Bill. None of your
halfand half ''O'
'Tbankee, Pinchy. III pay you soon. Good
bye "O'u
Here, here, Bill don't you see-.No trust
Pay to day, and trust Ia. morrow. That's the
ticket. Hand back the gin or the cash,
wei, there, take your liquor, old Pinchv. Won
have no bowels of compasson.''
Bill handed back the pint pistol full of mater.
which Pincby poured deliberately into his Gin
cask. and Bill Snyder marched off With his pint
Of gin, saying T'
You're are green, Pinchy, and Bin Snyder's
natural genius without college farming p