The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1845-03-07
LAuGHABLE STORY.

" ff'FN LAOG1hDLE SlORIs
II The following is laughable account Of tht
misfortunes that befel an American gentleman
upon a visit to lady in Paris, to whom he bore
letters Of introduction. After relating number
of ludicrous and amusing mistakes upon his en-
trance into the presence of the lady, he thus pro
ceeds:
The ordinary routine of French dinner com.
menced. A regular series of servants appeared
each instant at our elbows, inviting to partake
Of thousand different kinds Of wine under strings
derstood their composition, or they did my ga,
cherries Resolute to avoid all further opportuni.
ties for displaying my predominant trait, sat in
the most obstinate silence, saying 0M to every
thing that was offered TO me, and eating with the
most devoted application, till my fair neghbor,
tired with my taciturnity and her own, at length
herself began conversation by inquiring how
was pleased with the opera. ] was just raising a
large morsel of potato to my mouth, and in order
to reply as quickly possible. hastily thrust it
in, intending to swallow il hastily. Heavens! 1t
was as hot as burning lava. What could do?-
The ladys eyes were fixed upon me, waiting a
reply to her question. But my mouth was in fame.
/ rolled the burning morsel hither and hther,
rocking my head from side to side; while my eyes
which invountariy had fixed on her, were strain
ed from their sockets She regarded my grimaces,
Of the cause Of which she was ignorant, with an
expression Of amusement and surprise, at which
can laugh now when think of it.
'Monsieuris is ill' at length she gently and in
an anxious tone inquired; could bear no more.
My mouth was fayed with intolerable pain; so
quietly abandoning the point, opened il to the
utmost. and out dropped the Internal brand upon
my plate. Not The slightest tendency to risibility
rufIled the imperturable po!itencss of the lady
She soothingy condoled with me on my misfor-
tune, then gradually led the conversation to vari
ETY. of topics, still exerting the magic influence
that true polieness always exercises, and began
to forget even my own blunders Gradually my
cheeks burned less painfully, and could join in
the conversation without the fear that every word
] uttered shared the fate oil the action attempted
! even ventured to hope, nay to congratulate my
self, that the catalogue of calamites was compile
ted for the day.
"Let no man call himself happy before death,
said Scion, and he said wisely The Ides of March
were not yet over Before US stood dish of
cauiiower, nicely done in butter. This natural
ly enough took for a custard pudding, which il
sufficiently resembled. Unfortunately my vocab-
ulary was not extensive enough to embrace all the
fechn;caties OF the table, and when my fair
neighbor inquired if was fond of cho.few,
verify took it to be the French for custard pud-
ding and so high was my panegyric of it that my
plate was beautifully laden with it. Alas, one
single mouthful was enough to dIspel my illusion |
Z, Would to Heaven that the ch0rtfeur had vanish
ed with it But that remained bodily, and as
gazed despondingly on the large mass that oomed
almost as large and burning as Vesuvius, my
heart died within me. Ashamed to confess my
mistake, although could as readily have swallow
ed an equal quantity Of soft ap, | struggled on
manfuly against the mountainous heap at is base
and shutting my eyes and opening my mouth to
inhae as large masses as could without stopping
to taste IT. But my stomach soon began intelligi-
bly, enough 10 intimate its intention to admit no
more Of this nauseous strange beneath its roof if
not even expeling that which had gained an un-
welcome admission. ..
The seriousness of the task had undertaken,
and the resolution necessary to execute it, had
given an earnestness and rapidity to my exertions
which appetite could not have inspired, when my
plate, having got somewhat over the edge of the
fahle nv lear fcr vard cd nd do,
slid the disgusting mass INTO my lap. My handker-
chief, unable TO bear so weighty load, bent under
In its turn, and great portion Of it landed safely
in my hat The plate righted itself; as raised my
person and saw as glanced my eye around the {
table that no one had noticed my disaster. in
wardy congratulated myself that the nauseous
deception was so happily disposed OF. Resolved
not to be detected. ! instantly rolled my handker-
chief together, with its remaining contents and
whipped il into my pocket. ,4
The dinner table was al length deserted for the
drawing room where coffee aud liquors were
served round Meantime ! had sought ont wha. ]
considered fafe hiding place for my hat. beneath
chair in the dining room, for dare not carry it
any longer in my hand, having first thrown NOR 9
sci of paper TO hide the caulIaower, should any
one chance. in seeking for his own hat, to look
into nine.
On my return to the drawing room, Glanced
to be again seated by the lady by whom had sat
st the table. Our conversation was resumed, and
We were in The midst Of an aamateJ discussion.
when a huge spider was seen running up her arm.
s'"Taks il off!--take IL orr she CALCULATED in
terrified voice.
isss always afraid Of SPIDERS SO, to avoid l