The Whig standard. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1843-1844, 1844-05-14
HALTER TURNED GROCER

MI "
IN Pennsylvania Avenue between 18th and 18th SITS
Just opposite Fullers I've opened store,
Intended for all, both the rich and the poor
Where oil can be suited, when cash is in hand,
With all that is useful and good in the land
I've Sugar that's white, and brown, and half way;
There never was sweeter the neighbors all say.
I've Teas-imperial, black, and gunpowder too
To suit all the calls, whether many or few
I've Coffee from Java, and some from Rio
And all other kinds; if you call will show.
I've Shoulders and Jowls, and Mddlings that's lean,
To cook with the tops of your turnps when green.
I've Fish and Potatoes I've Krout and good Hams,
Vinegar Salt, and sometimes few CLAIMS.
I've Dried Beef and Pepper, Aspce and Mace,
And Ginger that's dried and ground and green race
Salt Beef for the epicure, Pork and nice Tongue,
And Sweetmeats and Candy for those of weak lungs.
can't say I've oysters, love them SO dear,
If attempted to keep them, I'd eat them fear.
I've Bread for the loafer, I've Meal and nice Flour;
For knights of the broom, I've Brushes to scour;
And Bowls and Mugs and things not so clever,
That never are clean if you wash them for ever
I've Cups and Saucers I've Dishes and Plates,
And Jugs to hold stuff temperance man hates;
I've Chops for horses aud Lines for the plough;
I've Indigo, Starch; I've Soda and Soap
And all things for washing, Cothespns and Rope
I've no shot or powder, rocket nor shell
Since the battle Of Bladensburg can't bear the smell
I've Buckets and Tubs; I've Baskets and Mats,
And things that you set to catch the poor rats.
I've Oranges Lemons, and Pineapple Cheese,
And many such things your palate to please.
I've Butter and Candles; I've Oil to burn,
And Jars in which your butter to chnrn.
I've Crackers for tea just made to your mind,
And Cheese and Cakes of all other kind
For children, I've Rasins, Puddings, not pies,
And oil other things to stop their loud cries;
Whips Whistles, Crackers. and all other Toys,
And whatever else will please little boys.
For misses Pms, Rings, and few nice Graces,
And things that you hang up to see pretty faces.
For lads half grown, who think they men,
III keep pretty Books for sale or to lend.
For those who We just arrived at full age,
keep all things to make them look sage:
Tobacco, Cigars, Combs, Brushes and Razors,
Musaches, Small Swords, and COckades for Majors.
For lasses that's pghted to marry next fall,
I'll keep nice stock of Rouge, Puff and Ball;
And to those who love the dear creatures like l.
| ne'er will dvulge it to the day that l die
For ladies, late married, I've Spoons for the pap
Which always are useful with babes in the lap;
For young fathers too who pleased with the pratte
keep pretty things to sound like rattle.
For danes that's domestic, like your dearest wife,
I've things most useful and good in this life
I've nothing for bachelors they're worth BREATH
But keep Whips for old maids to beat them death.
I've thousand more things yet to publish find
But the cost of the printing them bothers my mind.
AS in new trade I'm about to embark,
Before have ended I'll merely remark
My old trade of hating, with all honor's won,
I've throws Oft its mantle on my eldest son
For fur I've quit hunting except for old Coons,
Which guess will catch in eight or ten moons.
So all who want Groceries, Horse Food, or B.,
May send in their orders to S. w. HANDY.
NAV IA