The Madisonian. [volume] (Washington City [i.e. Washington, D.C.]) 1837-1845, 1844-11-26
"THE MAN THAT DID NOT VOTE!'

matters of common occurrence.
"THE MAN THAT DID NOT VOTE!'
Under this title there is published in the Philadel-
pha Saturday Evening Post, two admirable sketches
by J. c. Neal, the Dickens of America. The first
of these sketches introduces Mr.. Peeg w. Ponder,
as " the politician without side" Mr.. Ponder as
his name indicates, never decided any thing hastily
in fact never decided at all MIR. Neal first gives us
general account of the birth and parentage Of
Mr.. Ponder.
His mothers name was Mrs. Pcrplerity Ponder,
whose earthly came to end, while she was
in dubitation to which Of the various physicians of
the place should be called in II there had been only
one doctor in the town, Perplexiiy Ponder might
have been saved. But there were many; and what
could Perplexity do in such case?
Ponders father was run over by wagon, as he
stood debating with himself, in the middle OF the
| road, whether he should escape forward or retreat
backward. There were two methods Of e1trica-
ton, and between them both oil Ponder became
victim.
One of Peleg's daily difficulties was in not being
able to answer the question, show are your"
People, he says are always asking me how
do, and more than half the time, can't ell-there's
good many different. lsorts of ways of feeling be-
twxt and between, very sick, thank YOU and
half dead, am obliged to YOU and people won't
stop to hear you explain the matter They want to
know right smack, when you don't know right smack
yourself. Sometimes you feel things a-comng, AMI
just afier, you feel things a-gong. And nobody's
exactly prime all the while; | amt anyhow-l'm
kinder so, Just now, and Pun sor,er t'other way,
just after. Then, some people tell you that you
look very well, when you don't feel very we'll
no " then =
AT table Peleg is not exactly sure what he will
cit uly, md rd
celebrating what he would like, until the rest OF
the company have finished ther repast there be-
ing of en- nothing left which suits Peegs hestating
appetite.
Peleg has never married-not that he is averse to
the coDnubia state-on the contrary he has large
share of the susceptibies and IS always partially
| in love. But female beauty Is so various.
If there wasn't so many of them, shouldn't be so
bothered' said Peleg or, if they all looked alike,
man couldn't help himself But yesterday wanted
this one-to-day, Iwant that one; and how can tell,
If should get this, that tolher, that it wouldn't
soon be somebody else that really waned' That is
the difficulty 1t always happens So with me. When
the lady most courted, and thinks ought to speak
ooI then begin to be skeered, for fear I've made a
mistake and been thinking loved her when
didn't May be it's not the right one-may be she
won't sut--may be might do Detter-may be had
better not venture at all | wish there wasn't SO
many may be's about every thing, especially in such
affairs I've got least dozen unfinished couItships
| en- hand already
t. MIR. Ponder is next introduced to us as politician
his fortune becomes impaired, and he wants an Of
fee. But here difficulties increase.
| For whom shall Peieg shout'
Behold him as be puzzles the returns OF the
State elections laboring IN vain to satisfy his mind
! as TO the result in the Presidential contest. Stu
| piied by fgures-perpexed by contradictory state
nenis- bothered by the general hurrah; what can
| Peleg do?
| who's going to VIM That's all want to know,
excaims the vexed Peleg; Il don't want to waste my
| time blowing out for The wrong person, and never
| get thank'ee. What's the of that There's
| Smpkns-ssys /, Smpkins, says |, which is the
| party that can't be beat? And Simpkins turns up
ms and tells me every fool knows thlt-it's his
side--so hurrah for Smpkins' side as hard as can
| But then Timpkins = IimpkiDs' SIDE is rother
side from Smpkins' side and Timpkns offers TO bet
ne three leves that his side the side that can't be
beat Hurrah! says |, for Timpknss side and
uen | can't tell which side.'
| AS for the newspapers that's worse still. They
not only all round, but they cypher il out 50
clear that both sides win, If there's any truth In
the cypherng book which there isn't about election
times. What's TO be donei I've tried going to all
the meetings-Ive hurra'd for every boJy-I'.e been
In all the professions, and | sit a little while IN all
sorts of head quarters. I've go; one kmd OF dOcu-
ments IN ole pocket and t'other kind Of documents
! In her pocket and | 90 home at night, sing
one sort of song loud as can baw, half the way,
and try another sort of song the rest OF the way,
Just TO split the difference and show my imparti4llty.
| If | only had two votes-a couple Of em, how nice
| 1T would be.
But the best thing that can be done now guess,
as my character established both ways, 10 turn
in quietly TIL the row is all over. Nobody will miss
me when they'.eso busy and afterwards, wnen we
know all about IT, just look for PrIeg w. Ponder, as
| - halyt aplo hx flp
hand and saying Nv we have used tnem up. can't
say S now, or wUuld-lor ! am not perfectly sure
yet which Is we, or whlch Is Them Time enough
| when The election Is over
The election canvass grows warm, and Peleg is
hang ny between The Two pafties-nOw attracted by
' this aid by hai--uever certain y there new
J er ceitlInly here He cannot make up his mind
which sh.I winsnd all his advising win his friends
TnpkiJs and SiLpkins, two leaders of the opposite
. pauIes, only increases ms d iculies. He be hOught
hin OF voiug III INK ticket, bus afraid of dscO,
. ery-he thea thought he would be Ick-tieing up
the IN, cker, mUiug c bell, and having loud OF
I tan placed before his door, la This mind he .ocs to
, TImpklns -
Tim, kias y he said, putting bis hand to bis head
in a loucnios manner, iimpkns, these excItemen's
this suffering Tor my countrJ-does me brown. !
do believe, TinpkIns there rs something wrong here,
I in my upper story-my head, Timpkins, has emp
, ty t. ell"
"Gauets to let, perhaps" replied Timpkns.
| "Don't be joking, Timpkns. II seems sometimes
as If had no head on my sboulders-my head, you
see"
swell" said Timkins, there's nothing in that
and il you get along without head, it saves
| hats"
1--WE an idea, Tmpkins, yes-I know am going
to be siok-at such time, tuo--tho loss of one vote
has sometimes turned he scole--I'J rather die than
have It said that. Peeg w Ponder did not do bis du-
! ~"
"Good agin, Ponder-you're tho gnywine article
and II shall oever be said that yoJ did not vote il
there's single puif of bieah lett in your body"
| WHAT cid Ponder, somewhat aghast.
ayes, Ponder--Ill see to it be MS sick as
| you've mind to-be as sick as you like-have the
connptons, any thing you please, so that You
still able to wink and hoo ticket in your is--ll
come after you in a CALDWELL ride you to tie POLLS
bed and aldoctors, physic, every thing to make you
| comfortable; and then, when were done with you,
Peleg, why, you may bop the twig just as soon il
suits your convenlence-t won't make any difference
.ftor IL. In, ftr INT