Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1844-09-12
COUSIN SALLY DlLLARD.
By HAMILTON c. JONES

A beardless disciple of Themis arises,
and thus addresses the Court May it
please your worships, and you, gentlemen
of the jury, since it has been my fortune
lgood or bad | will not say to exercise
myself in legal dispositions, il has never
before beialen me to be obliged to prose-
cute so direful, marked and malicious an
assault-a more violent, wilful, dangerous
battery, and finally a more dabolical
breach Of the peace it has seldom been
your duty 10 pass upon, one so shocking
to benevolent feelings, as that which took
place over a! Captain Rice's in this coun-
ty. But you will hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three we're examined, and disposed-one
said that he had heard the noise and did
not see the fght-another tina, he saw
the row, but didn't know who struck first
and third, tina. he was very drunk
aud couldn't say much about the skrim-
mage.
La,cyer Chops Il am very sorry, gen.
tlemen, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined.
|, arises, gentlemen, altogether from mis-.
apprehension on my part. Had known,
as now do, that had witness in at
tendance, who was well acquainted with
all the circumstances Oft case, and who
was able to make himself clearly under
stood by the court and jury, should not
so long have trespassed on your time and
patience. Come forward, Mr.. Harris, and
be sworn.
So forward came the witness, fat,
chuffy looking man, 'leetle" corned,
and took his corporal oath with an air.
Chops--Harris. we wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the other day
at Captain Rice's and as a good deal of
time has been already wasted in circum.
loculion, we wish you TO De compendious,
and at the same time as explicit as possible.
| Observation-Disclosures the law
yer knowing wink, and at the same
time clearing his throat--Captain Rice,
he gin a treat, and cousin Sally billiard,
she came over to our house and axed me
if my wife she mount go. told cousin
Sally billiard that my vile was poorly,
being as how she had a touch Of the rheu-
mates in the hip, and the big swamp was
in the road, and the big swamp was up,
for there had been heap Of rain lately,
but howsomever, as it was she cousin
Sally billiard, my wife she mout co.
Well cousin Sally billiard then asked me
if Nose he MOUNT go. | told cousin Sal
| " billiard that Nose he was the foreman
of the crap, and the crap was smartly in
the grass but howsomever, as i: was she.
cousin Sally billiard, Moses he mout go.
Chops--In the name of common sense,
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this
rigmarole1 Do you say what you know
about the riot.
Witness--Captain Rice, he gin treat,
and Cousin Sally billiard she come over
to our house and axed me If my wife
MOUNT go. | told cousin Sally Dillard--
Chops-Stop sir, if you please; we
don't want to hear anything about cousin
Sally Dllard and your wife-telI US about
the fight at Rice's.
Witness Well will sir, If you let me.
Chops-Well sir, go on.
WiinesS-Well, Captain Rice he gin
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she came
over to our house and axed mo if my wife
she MOUNT GO
Chops-There it is again; witness,
witness, please to stop.
WitneSs-Well, sir, what do you wantl
ChopS-We want to know about the
fight, and you must not proceed in this
impairment story. Do you know any
thing about the matter before the Court.
Witness--To be sure do.
Chops-Well, YOU go on and tell it
and nothing else.
Witness-Well, Captain Rice he gin a
! treat
ChopS--This is intolerable. May it
please the court, move that this witness
be committed for a contempt; he seems
to be trifing with this court.
Witness, you are now before a
court of Justice, aud unless you behave
yourself in more becoming manner you
will be sent TO Jail so begin and tell what
you know about the fight at Captain
Rce's.
Witness-[a alarmed Well gentlemen,
Captain Rice he gin treat, and cousin
Saily Dlllard-
Chops-I hope this witness may be or.
dered into custody.
.Court-[afte celebrating. ]-Mr. At
torney, the Court is OF opinion that we
may save time by telling the witness to
go on in his own way. Proceed, MIR.
Harris, with your story, but stick to the
point.
WitaeSs--Yes, gentlemen: Well, Cap
tain Rice he gin treat, and cousin Sally
billiard she came over TO our house and
axed me ifmy wife she moutn'i 60. |
told cousin Sally billiard that my wife she
was poorly. being as how she had the
rheumatics in the hip, and the big swamp
was up; but, howsomever, as it was she,
cousin Sally billiard, my wife, she mout
60. We'll, cousin Sally billiard then ask
ed me if Moses he mount go. told
cousin Sally billiard as how Moses he was
the foreman ofthe crap, and the crap was
smartIy in the grass; but howsomever, as
it was she, cousin Sally billiard, Moses he
mout go. So they goes on together
Moses, my wife and cousin Sally billiard,
and they come to the big swamp, and it
was up, as was telling you; but being
L. ~ J..