The daily Madisonian. [volume] (Washington City [i.e. Washington, D.C.]) 1841-1845, 1844-11-23

by }. c. Neal, the Dickens Of America. Tho hss
of these sketches introduces Mr.. feiog w. Ponder
as " tho politician without aide" Mr. Ponder, IN
has name indicates, never decided ANY thing hastily
in fact never decided at all MIR. Neal first gives us
some general nc count OF the birth and paronisgc Of
MIR. Ponder.
His mothers name Mrs Perplerity Ponder,
whose earthly came Ia an end, while she was
in dubitaon as 10 which OF tho various physicians oil
the place should be called In. II there had been only
one doctor in the town, PcrPleAi'y Ponder might
have been saved. But there were many aud What
could Perplexity do IN such case
PondeT's father was run over by wagon, us nc
stood debating with himself, In the middle OF tho
road, whether he should escape forward, or retreat
backward. There were two methods Of entriea-
ton and between them both, old Ponder became "a
victim.
One of Peeg's daily difficulties was in not being
able TO answer the question: show are YOU I"
People, he says, are always asking me how !
do, and than half the time, can't tell-theie
good many diiierenusorls OF ways OF iee'ing DC
twixt and between, very sick, thank YOU and
half dead, am obliged TO YOU and people wont
stop TO hear you explain the matter They want 70
know right smack, when you DOM know right smack
yourself Sometimes you feel things a-coming ana
Just afier, you feel things a-goiDg And nobody
exactly prime all the while; amt anyhow-Im
kinder so, just now, aud Im sorter rother way
lust after Then, some people tell you that you
look very well, when you don't feel very we'll
how then = go
AT table Peleg is not exactly sure what he will
take and sits looking slowly up and down the board,
celebrating what he would like, until the rest OF
the company have finished thier repast, there be-
ing often nothing left which suits Peleg's hesIiaing
appetite
Pelcg has never married-not that he is averse TO
| the connubai state-on the contrary, he has large
share of the susceptibilties and is always partially
| in love- But female beauty is SO various
If there wasn't many of them, shouldn't be SO
bothered, said Peleg; or, if they all looked alike,
man couldn't help himself. But yesterday wanted
this one-to-day, lwant that and how can tell,
if should get this, that tother, that II wouldn't
soon be somebody else that really wanted That Is
the difficulty. 1t always happens 5. with me- When
the ladys most courted, and thinks ought to speak
out then begin TO be skeered, for fear I've made
mistake and have been thinking loved her when
didn't. May be it's not the right one-may be she
won't suit---may be might do bster-may he had
better not venture at all. | wish there wasn't SO
many may bes about every thing, especially IN such
affairs Pve got least dozen unfinished couilshIps
| on hand already
MIR. Ponder is next introduced to us as politician
his fortune becomes impaired, and he wants an Of
flee. But here difficulties increase.
| For whom shall Peleg shout''
Behold him as he puzzles the returns OF the
State elections, laboring IN VAN to satisfy his mind
| as TO the result in the Presidential contest Stu
pified by hgures-perplexed by contradictory state
ments- bothered by the general hurrah; what can
| Peleg dor
who's going to VIM That's all ! want TO know
excaims the yexed Peleg Il don't want to waste my
time blowing out for the wrong person. and never
get thank'ee. What's the of that? There's
Smpkns-says /, Simpkins, says L. which is the
party that can't be beat And Smpklns turns up
his and tells me every fool knows that-its his
side-so hurrah for Simpkns' side hard as can.
i But then Timpkns- side is tother
side from Smpkns' side, and TlmpkIns offers TO bet
three lev,es that his side is the side that can't be
beat. Hurrah! says |, for Timpkins's side and
| then can't tell which sde.'
| AS for the newspapers, that's worse still. They
not only all round, but they cypher it out 50
clear that both sides must win, if there's any truth in
the cypheriDg book, which there isn't about election
times. What's to be done Pve tried going to all
the meetings-Iye hurrad for every body-Pve been
in all the professions, and sit little while in all
sorts of head quarters. I've got kind of docu-
ments pocket, and tother kind of documents
in rolher pocket; and | go home at night, sing
one sort OF song loud as can bawl half the way,
and try another sort of song the rest of the way,
just 10 split the difference and show my mpartiay.
If only had two votes-a couple Of 'em, how nice
| IL would be-
| But the best thing that be done now guess,
as my character is established both ways, is 10
in quietly till the row is all over. Nobody will miss
me when they'ie so'busy and afterwards, when
know all about IT, just look for Peleg w. Ponder,
he comes down the streets, shaking people by the
hand and saying how we have used them up. can't
say So now, or | would-for am not perfectly sure
yet which Is 'we or which is them fine enough
when the election Is over
The election canvass grows warm, and Peleg is
hanging between the Two partles-now attracted by
this and now by ihat-neyer certainly there
| er certainly here lie cannot make up his mind
which shall NIn--auu all hIs auy hs
TImpkins and Simpkins, two leaders of the opposite
parties, only increases his difficulties. He belhought
him of voting blank ticket, but afraid of disco,-
ery-he then thought he would be sck-teing up
the knUcker, muifng the bell, and having a load OF
tan placed before his door Ia this mind .oes to
| TImpkins -
"Timpkins he said, putting his hand to bis head
in touching manner, "Iimpkins, these eIcitements
this suffering for my country-does me brown /
do believe Tnnpklns there is something wrong here,
in my upper story-my head TImpkins, has a emp
ty feel"
"Gauets to let, perhaps" replied Timpkins.
"Don't be joking, Timpkins. II seems sometimes
as If had no head on my shoulders-my head, You
see"
"Well," said Timkins "thcre's nothing in that
and If you can get along without head, it saves
| hats"
"lvO an idea, Timpkns yes-I know am going
to be sick-At such time, too-the loss of one vote
has sometimes turned he scale-I'd rather die than
have said that. Peleg w Ponder did do his du-
y."
Good agin, Ponder-you're the ginywine article
and shall never be said that you did not vote if
there's single pub of breath len in your body"
| What Grid Ponder, somewhat aphast
| "Yes, Pondor-lll see 10 it Just be as sick as
you've amnd to-bc as sick you ike-hsve the
connptIons, any thing you please, that you are
still able TO wink and hold ticket in your fst-Il
come after you IN CALDWELL ride you to the polls
bed and a-doctors, physic, every thing to make You
comfortabe and then, when we've done with YOU
Peeg why, you may hop the twg just soon as il
suits your conyenIence-t won't make any difference
you know, after the election. In patriotic pint of
Of view Peleg, aud that's the view you always take,
a mans of no kind of use after the election"