Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1844-03-01
SCANDAL-MONGERS.

arc cOUicttlItS DTOuUD
up with very short rope. We recollect Z
story in point -
In New England village, (give it any
name you please resided middle aged la
dy who was much addicted to disobedience
of the 9Th commandment. Nobody was too
high or low, too good or bad, to escape the
virulence Of her tongue, and, what is per-
haps singular, long practice had made her
so familiar with its use in this respect, that
she was unconscious of its peculiar twist
In the same village dwelt sober, respecta-
BILE deacon, who rejoiced in the cognomen OF
Smith
One day our female friend was accosted
in the street by an intimate acquaintance
of the deacon's, whose broad aud usually
good humored coun,enance wore sombre
aspect, with the remark that he had some
thing particular to communicate to her re-
speeding Deacon Smith. which he felt bound
IS a mutual friend to make known to her,
aud after enjoining upon her the strictest
secrecy, which the worthy lady, trembling
with Impotence promised TO preserve, he
proceeded to relate that, having occasion to
found him in state which, of all men, he
least expected to see him in-"Why," said
he, 81 could scarcely believe my eyes;
declare to goodness if he wasn't Just about
half shaved p
The good woman at first appeared to be
overwhelmed with establishment at the un-
expected announcement, but recovering
from her surprise, with sundry mysterious
hints that "she always thought there was
something about Deacon Smith," and
the promise that "she wouldn't say nothing
about it for the world" she hastily took her
leave.
Whether our good friend believed in the
doctrine that promise containing two neg
atives was equal to promise in the affirma-
tive, and according TO her construction of it
felt at liberty to reveal the mystery or not
we cannot say, but in less than a week
Deacon s. was under the necessity of call
ing church meeting to investigate-among
other charges too numerous TO mention"
the serious one of getting drunk habtualIy
beating his wife and turning his children
out Of doors
The story was readily traced to its origin,
and some pretty sharp investigation divest-
ed it Of much Of its borrowed plumage.-
Our female friend gave her author, who
promptly acknowledged having stated to her
that he saw Deacon Smith "half shaved on
the morning alluded to-that the Deacon
very kindly suspended operations, to enable
him to transact what business he had. and
that when he left, the Deacon had Just
again applied himself TO the task, and he
had no doubt, got smoothly through the
process
~ As the author of the mischief was known
as bit of wag. the matter dropped here.
We scarcely need say that SANDER was at a
discount in the village Of - for years
subsequent to these events.
od "Who hath redness of Eyes 7"-This in
terrogatiye ''portion OF divine scripture" is
Z illustrated by an anecdote, related with most
effective dryness by friend of ours An
elderly gentleman, accustomed 10 "induIge, /"
entered the bar-room Of an inn, in the pleas
ant city of H, on the Hudson, where
sat grave Friend toasting his toes by the
FIRE. Lifting pair ofgreen spectacles upon
his forehead, rubbing his innamed eyes, and
calling for hot brandy toddy, he seated
himself by the CRATE; and as he did so, he
remarked 20 Uncle Broad Brim that "his eyes
were getting weaker and weaker and that
even spectacles didn't seem to do EN- any
good" "Ill tell thee. friend" replied the
Quaker, "what think. think if thee was
to scear thy spectacles Over thy mouth for a
few months, thy eyes would get sound
-Knickerbocker.
Innate Ideas in the Female Mind
.southey, in his "omnians." relates the fol.
lowing :--"When l was last at $4,000. a
nun made her escape from the Irish nunnery
The first thing for which she inquired when
she reached the house in which she stopped
was looking-glass. She had entered the
convent when only five years old, and from
that time had not seen her own face"