Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1844-11-29
THE MAN WHO LOST HIS PANTS

Inc following IS passage from the
laughable tale of Desperation, one of the
rich articles which are embraced in the
Literary remains of the late Willis Gaylord
Clark 1t Is only necessary TO premise that
the writer is a Philadelphia siaident, who,
after stolen fortnight amid the gaieties of
a Washington season, finds himself (thro'
the remssness Of chum) at Baltimore, on
his way home, without penny in his peck
ct. lie stops at fashionable hotel, never
theless, where, after tarrying day or two,
he finally, at the heel of grand dinner, ou-
mes sOtus in his private apartment, hanked
with abundant Champagne aud Burgundy,
resolves to disclose all TO the landlord
Summoning servant, he says:
Ask the landlord to step up to my room,
aud bring his BILL
He clattered down stairs giggling, and
shortly thereafter his master appeared He
entered with generous smile, that made
me hope for the best his house afforded. and
that, just then, was credit.
How much do owe your said J. He
handed me the bill, with all the grace Of po-
lite expectancy
Let me see--seventeen dolars-how very
reasonable But, my dear sir, the most
disagreeable part Of this matter is now to be
disclosed. l grieve to inform you that, at
present, | am out of money; but l know by
your philanthropic looks, that you will be
satisfied when tell you that if had il, |
would give il TO you with unqualified pleas
ure. But you see my not having the change
by me is the reason don't do il and am
sure you will let the matter stand and say
no more about it. am stranger to YOU.
: that's fact; but in the place where came
from, all my acquaintance know me, as ca
sy as can be-
The landlord turned all colors. where
do you live any howf
In Washing - should say PhiIadel-
lpha.'
: His eye flashed with angry disappoint-
ment. see how it is, mister my opinion
is that you are blackieg You don't know
where your home is. You begin with
Washington, and then drop il for Philadel.
phia You must pay your bill
! But can't $1,000.
Then will take your clothes If don't
blow me tight +
'Scoundrelp said ], rising bolt upright
do it if you dare do itl--and leave the
rest to mel ~ tn Anf.lii sl-e
, There were no more words. He arose
deliberately, seized my hat, and my only in.
expressibles, and walked down stairs.
Physicians soy that no two excitenenty
can exist at the same time IN one system
External circumstances drove away, almos,
Immediately, the confusion Of my brain.
| arose and looked out of the window
The snow was descending as drummed OH
! the pane. What was to do! An unhap
Ply wight, sans cUlotfes, in a strange city
no money, and slightly inebrated. A tho
struck me. / had large full cloak, which
; with my other appointments, save those he
took, the landlord had spared dressed
Immediately; drew on my boots over m,
fair white drawers, not unlike small clothes
put on my cravat, vest and coat; laid ;
travelling cap from my trunk iauntily upon
my forehead, and fliIging my fine mantle
gracefully about me, made my way through
$ the hall into the street. .r
Attracted by shining lamps in the ported
of new hotel, few squares from my frs
lodgings, entered, recorded some name or
the books, and bespoke a bed Everything
was fresh and neat every servant attentive
all augured well. kept myself closely
cloaked {: pulled cigar, and retired to bee
to mature my plot.
Waiter, just brush my clothes well, m,
fine fellow, said |, in the morning, as he
E entered my room. Mind the panlaloons
|, don't spill anything from the pockets; there
is money in both a3am 4'a
Il don't see no pantaloous,'
The deuce you don't! Where are they
Can't tell, snum! This eyes are as big a.
{ saucers, don't know, as true as Pm alive 7
I Go down, srrah, aud tell your master &c
come up here immediately The publican
, was with one in moment.
: had arisen and worked my face into
e fiendish look of passion. Landlord 7 ex
!, claimed j, with fierce gesture, i have beer
9 robbed in your house robbed sir, robbed
d My pantaloons, and purse containing thre,
fifty dollar notes are gone This is a pref
;, ty hotel! Is this the way you fulfil the in
!, functions of Scripture am stranger
s and find myself taken in with a vengeance
n | will expose YOU at once, if am not rec
: ompensed.' oi i7n ae-3
o pray keep your temper said the agiia
c ted publican, Il have just opened this house
and it is getting good run; would you ru
in its reputation for an accident? / vii
), find ont the villain who robbed you, and
IS will send for a tailor to measure you 70
n your missing garments. Your money shall
;, be refunded. Do you not see that you
u temper is useless T. .
g My dear sir thank you for your kind
ness. | did not mean to reproach you. ]
l. those trousers can be done to-day, shall
a be satisfied; for time is more precious thar
money. You may keep the others, if yo'
find them. and in exchange for the one hun