Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1844-08-01
THE HYPOCRlTICAL HUSBAND AT
HOME.


where in this city-nice house-nice
fashionable appearance-"nice young
msn"-smiIes and jokes for visiters-
curses and blows for his wife
"Why the devil ISM breakfast ready 7"
This is the gentleman's first salutation
in the morning, delivered in a tone OF voice
admirable expressive of having arisen
from his couch with determination of be-
ing in particularly III humor for the rest
of the day, or, as the saying is, "got out
Of bed wrong end foremost"
"But, my dear, it is not too late"
"Not late not late Suppose ] chose
to have breakfast irifle earle: than
usual, when Pm half starved. But PEG.
ole are SO internally lazy in this house
All, here it comes al last The old story
muddy coffee. It is strange that can
never be allowed drop Of chocolate Of
which am 50 passionately fond"
swell, my dear, why do you never
mention il beforehand 7"
"Why do you never ask me if should
prefer i, 7"
"You generally take coffse-even when
we have chocolate on the table,"
"And what of that the very reason
why should prefer now and then choc-
olate for change. At any rate, it would
not give you a great deal of trouble, to
ask my pleasure once in while. Who
made that fire or rather who was lido.
tic enough to imagine that that pile of
green logs could ever be converted into a
blaze-l'll be id if the people in this
house know enough to make fire. Pray
can you inform me what that dark color
ed mess is supposed to represent 2"
"That is brown bread toastr"
al thought so I! by heavens this was
put upon the table, express y 10 enrage
me-you know l hate the cursed stuff.
heard some one ring this morning who
was il 7"
"Why, that young man, that-what's
his name-who has been to see you twice
before, you know told him you had
gone out--you say he's such bore.
knew you wouldn't like to be bothered
with him at breakfast time"
The married man throws himself back
in his chair and smiles the unofending
table with his fist, TO the evident astonish-
ment Of the cups and saucers.
"And who the devil authorized you to
deny me to my friend? You are always
making some cursed blunder. ] made
a particular appointment with that young
man to see him this morning. And you
have told him was not at home. 1t seems
to be your whole study to see wha. you
can do to put me in passion"
And in his rage he unconsciousy orings
one elbow 10 coatact with his coffee cup
which consequently dosing its equlib
RUM the contents are duly delivered up.
on his brocade dressing gown.
"There, by Cd! Now hope you're
sats6ed-you have been the means OF
running my morning gown, which cost
me twelve dollars day before yesterday"
"l'm sure ! didn't request you to upset
your coffee"
"But you put me in a passion.
al put you 10 a passion You have
been cross as a bear ever since you got
up"
TAKE care! Don't impose too much
upon my good nature"
you're a brute, for all you're so
mighty loving before folks"
"WiIl you hold your tongue 7"
every body thinks you're pattern
Of husband, and that am the happiest
vile in the world. Oh if they knew
how yoe abuse me when we are by our.
selves"
"Wrll you hold your tongue 7" with a
grinding accompaniment Of the teeth
"And yet, before company, must pre-.
tend to be nightly pleased when you kiss
me-Pah"
eff you don't hold your tongue this in
slant III throw this cup at your head !"
"You dare not you dare not, you vile
monster !"
"Ah Pm monster, am |, I'm -"
Whiz and cup is launched at her head
with the very best intentions, which how.
ever are frustrated by the lady's st oping,
with celebrity which could only have
been acquired by the most frequent and
perseverng practice. She escapes the
missile--but alas ! not the brutal blow,
which speedily follows II from the hard
hand of hypoeritic0l husband, who doubt.
less considers IT his duty to punish her fol
his having broken a coffee cup and DAM
aged dressing gown.
Hark the door bell rung, and now the
wife vainly endeavors to suppress her
tears and sohs. The servant ann ounces
visiter. The HyPocrtical Husband APP
proaches her with threatening AIR, and
Gays
YOU'RE not surely going to biubber be-
fore company. Dry your eyes quickly,
or else, by heavens, as soon as they are
gone, Ill resume my remarks where
lett off,"
The visiter is ushered in.-The hypo-
critical husband Immediately assumes a
cheerful, amiable expression, aad passes
the usual compliments in tones OF singular
lv sweet and 9 nile modulatlons. The
WIS ter e. l,dy) rrmarkieg the ape srsnce
of the agtiied wit, exc aims;
Ri 81 me, h W pale you look ! how
red your are llave y"u b IN unwelI z
but our 'ntlemau will n t trust his
wifi. to reply, and hastens TO explain
with
"Oh! nothing is the matter! She sal
up very late last night readng--ruinou'
u on ,to,, tnau I ofi.n t.f n, .