Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, W.T. [i.e. Wis.]) 1843-1844, 1844-09-21
SHORT PATENT SERMON.
NEW SERIES-No. 2l7.


The world is hardly wide enough
To hold both thee and me.
My hearers-when Uncle Toby rails
ed the sash and told the poor devil of
a blue.bottle to go, there was room
enough in the world for both him and
the fly, and some to spare; but it isn't
so now. The world is scarcely wide
enough for man alone, to say nothing
of the millions, of other creatures that
crowd themselves into it; and if it
didn't annually spill into the lamp of
eternity such immense quantities of its
live lumber as it does, there would be
no such thing as moving peg. The
reason why think the world dosn't
contain space enough for man with
broad shoulders and big belly, is, be-
cause he finds it difficult to get through
it without pushing against. upsetting
and trampling upon. others of his spe-
cies, who are equally as worthy, but,
unfortunately, don't happen to carry
quite so much weight in their breeches
as himself.
My friends-people have become SO
numerous, and they monopolize so
much room Individually, that instead
Of our wasting words and time upon
such small potato patch as Texas, we
ought to think about charging the world
by taking in Venus and Mars-two Of
our nearest neighbors, and magnificent
territories withal. The annexation of
the first would create more love and
produce more marriages than now
exist-reduce the proportionate num-
Der Of old maids and bachelors, and
numerically strengthen posterity.--
The latter would cause just enough
war TO cut offa surplus population and
keep every tree in the garden Of human
i ty we'll prnned. One thing or the
other, my dear friends, must be done;
the world must either be widened, or
else you must contrive to contract and
content yourselvs in narrower COM
pass, In your daily walks you spread
yourselves too much altogether. Blad-
ders of pride, as you are, in the moment
ofprosperity you pompously blowyour-
selves up with the wind Of vanity, you
go strutting along, almost brushing
both sides of creation, spurning humble
honesty, and disdaining TO soil your
boots with vile democratic dust. So
swollen and inflated are you with the
gas Of glory and self conceit, the whole
universe is scarcely large enough for
you 10 turn round in; and you tread
upon other folks corns with the same
unconcern as a jackass dances among
chickens. But how is itwhen adverse
fortune causes your bladders of self
importance to burst? Why, you look,
as lean lank as layer in heaven; and
feel slim enough to crawl through a
rat-hole into decent society. The
world then is large enough for you
there is too much oCit-more than you
know how to use; and the on y way
you can best enjoy yourselves is to be
contented with little niche, and en-
deavor to fill it respectfully. Icould
animadvert upon some Of the young
ladies belonging TO my congregation
looming large, but don't like TO bear
hard upon them. they are flowers,
which, TO be analysed, must be stript
of their petals, dsrobed OF their out
ward attractions-torn to pieces; and
Heaven knows | wouldn't do this for
bushel basketball Of kisses, as fresh
and warm as ever fingered upon the
lips of love. Nevertheless many of
them do take up great quantity OF
room in the world, and a monstrous
sight of sidewalk in the street. But
it lasts only for little time. They
soon shed their superhuous feathers of
fame-cast off several pounds of the
padding of pride, and fall off 10 make
room for younger fedglings TO futier
and flourish. What | here say in
sentence is as good to them as a long
sermon; for know that their hearts
are as susceptible of impressions as SO
many balls Of new-made putty.
! Nv hearcrs-some ofyou, no doubt,
comDlain that the world isn't wide
enough, because you find it such tight
squeezing 10 gel through it. You are
pinched, crsmped, crowded and cor
nered. You forsakc thoroughfores, and
turn into bve-palhs to pick up com
Portable subsistence, or perhaps 10 seek
fame and fortune; bu; youfnd them all
thronged, and no chance for achieve
-. 1 hof-