The Whig standard. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1843-1844, 1844-04-10
Fur The Wvhig Standard.

PRIVATE LIZ TIER yin fCpliIC Ar + hlhS
rive have the privilege of printing the follow
ing epslle from Timothy, to lady cousin over
the Ridge" provided that The reader keeps ii a
secret
My nsrer-to-be-su6cienly-th thanked Cousin Betsy:
You know the Rozicrusians believed that a
quintessential elixir vitae might be extracted
from proper combination of roots and flowers:
or 10 suit your vernacular OF the mountains tina!
by mixing the right sorts of herbs or " yaros'
and billing 'em down FIVE or six hundred umes'
q strong lea would be produced, which, py TAX
ing upon an empty stomach, instead Oh ms
morning bitters, man might 1--we IN eternal
youth to the age Of a land tarrlpm. Weis we
have il here, pice versa, for the dust Oh 'his rem
sylvania avenue, which hangs like cloud Of
volcanic ashes over the street, is pairing the ,cay
for rood business among the doctors; and Tor
,he snecuators in hoarhound candy and eye
wafer. An excellent old lady Of my acquant-
auce, who has prescription for collyIium of
her own, says that she is going to fill whole
kttle full, and have ii sold in the stores for the
public good, for you never saw the like Of sore
eyes. You would think all the people had been
on spree; and it all comes from this dusty
avenue. The members of Congress, who re-
fused to pave the street, have had to move out
OF the dust on to Capitol Hill and the suburbs;
but they come down after shower of rain, and
take up the room on the side walks, as if they
had an honorable right 10 the pavement. They
have no such right and the bellies ought to let
them know it by cutting their acquaintance, when
they come down after the street has had
sprinkling but never show their faces while the
dust is in circulation. The women ought to lay
the question of their reception of these selfish
gentlemen upon the table, until an appropriation
were made for the avenue
Enough about the avenue, howsomever for i
chokes me to write about it. Nothing but the
hackmen can stand it; and they have had such
profitable times, that they dress in the very height
of the fashion, whiskers and ALL At least they are
the best judges in such matters for if person
who regularly passes the hotels at which these
civilians 8" most do congregate," wears for day
his collar under his cravat, they are sure to ques
ton the gentleman's account with his washerwo-
man and to bestow upon him timely injunction
accordingly. am sorry, however, that generally
this useful class of citizens keep their horses
80 poorly fed: for, like myself, there are many
humane people who would not patronize a driver
the ribs of whose "critters could be seen through
the dust hundred yards off
We are having now course of grand lectures
by the convention CT the National Institute, Oh
all the departments of science. But strange az
it may seem, though the lectures are free, the
fine commodious church IN which they are held
exhibits most unaccountable "account of emp.
ty pews." This cannot understand, and can
not excuse, unless it is that the people will not
turn out from fear Of sufocalion in The dust.
The park at the Capitol begins to look very
pretty; and flowers are already sparkling like
consultations in those beautiful beds of damoned
and stars. The public gardener is a man of taste !;
and have often thought, cousin of your remark,
on being introduced last Summer as candidate
for nosegay, that SO ''ugly Christian should
have such clear perception of the tasteful and
the beautiful" Had the House passed his bill
from the Senate, they would have done them
selves and the city and the whole people an hon
orable service; as it is, they will have 10 bile the
dust before they go home.
We have, Miss Betsy, an excellent market,
and we'll supplied; but it is fortunate that the
country people bring in Their provisions in the
would absolutely be unfit for any stomach or di
ge<tive apparatus except the gzzard of an os
trich.
The BARRIERS am informed, charge customers
from the avenue 20 per cent. extra, on account
OF the puLrerised granite which gets into their
boards, for it is very destructive to the fine edge
OF a razor.
Sunday afternoon, if fair, is the most p,easan,
season for walk up the Avenue-the only draw
back to strange lady being the young gentle
men who gather into groups generally near the
corners, with fidelity as if under appointment
to inspect, and comment upon the passengers
But my paper is filled, and until the bill for the
reduction Of postage shall have passed, single
sheet must suffice you Come down after some
hard rain, dear cousin, if you would return with
favorable opinion either of our ladies, our city,
or our tinkerng and economizing Congress-
economizing in every thing except their eight
dollars per day-six of which they ought to be
made to disgorge for the erection of an invalid
hospital for the benefit of persons who have or
may become invalids ftom the dust Of Pennsyl-
uania Avenue.
Truly, and affectionately, Coz, your cousin,
TIMOTHY.
P. 81 have just been consulting Professor
Espy. He thinks we shall have rain soon. The
Lord grant it.
M LANE & TUCKER,
M ERCHANT TAILORS.-We have this ay, de