Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, IA [i.e. Ind.]) 1839-1854, 1844-12-06
Conclusion next week
Parody on the Declaration.

The Salisbury IN. c. Waterman tells a story
of a ta1orn-kocpar who, having grown rich, grow
very careless; and so offended tho lawyers by
whom his house had for years been filled, that.
during ono crowded session of tho court they with
one accord forsook him, leaving behind them the
following parody on the Declaration Of lndepen.
dence:
''When IN tho course OF human events, it be-
comes necessary for n half hungry, half fed. i'm
posed on set of men, to dissolve the band Of land
lord and boardcr, decent rospcc, for the opinion
of mankind require that thoy should declare the
causes which have impelled them to the scpara-
ton.
We hold these truths to be sof-cvdent: that all
men are created with stomachs, and they
dowed by their Creator with certain inalienable
rights; among which are, tina, man should be
compelled 10 starve, out of more compliance to Il
landlord, and that eyery man has right to fill
his stomach 81 wet his whistle with the best that's
going
The history Of the present landlord Of the
White Lion IS 4 history of repeated insults,
tions and I'M urics all having in direct object the
csta bllshnent of an absolute tyranny our
stop,achs and threats. To prove this, let facts DO
submitted to a candid world:
He has refused to keep anything TO drink but
bald faced whisky.
10 has refused to SGT upon his table for dinner
any thing but ;urnip soup, with little tough beef
and sour circuit, which not wholesome and
necessary for the public good.
He has refused to lot his only servant, blink
eyed Joe. put moro than SIX grains Of coffee in
one gallon Of water.
He has turned loose a multitude of mosquitoes
to ass,i us IN peaceful hours Of night and eat our
substance.
He has kept in our bods and bcdseads standing
armies of merciloss slvagos whose rule Of warfare
is unds,inguiscd destruction.
He has excited domestic instruction among
US by taking bitters before breakfast and making
his vito and servants do the sano before dinner.
whereby there is oflon tho very deuce to pay.
lie has wagcd cruel war upon nature herself,
by feeling our horses with broom-staw, and car
rying thon off 10 drink whore swine refused to
walow.
He has protected one-cycd Joo in his villany,
IN the robbery Of our Jugs by pretending to give
him mock trial after sharing with him tho
spoil.
He has cut OF trade with foreign ports and
brought in his own bald faced whisky, when
had sent him to buy better liquor abroad; and
with perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most
blrbarous ages. ho has b.on known to drink
foreign spirits. and fill up our bottles with his
dire potions.
lie has imposed taxes upon 10 enormous
amount without. our consent, and without any
rule bat his arbitrary will and pleasure.
\ landlord whose character is thus marked by
every act which may dcfiIe tyrant and mas
ter. is unfit TO keep boarding house for Cho rokcc
Indians
Nor have VIC been wanting in our attentions
10 Mrs. b. aud Irs. Cally. We havo appealed
to their native Justice and una gnanimity, we hnve
conjurei them TO alter n state of things which
would inevitably i.,orrup; connection and
correspondence. They, too, have boon deaf 10
the voice of justice; therefore, constran ned
to hold all threo Of the parties alike iniin,ca to
our we'll being and regardless of compact.
We therefore make this solemn decla ration Of
our final sepa ration from landlord, and cast
our defiance in his teeth