The Columbia Democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, 1844-01-11

bove question to this wise
When ask myself the question 'Wha'
am p it puzzles me how TO answer IT.
Materially speaking, am sort ol in-
creased uonenlity- small oarrel OF 'n'
unstained oil Of nothing, thickened lnt'l
substance by accidentally coming IN cor
tsc, with cold congealing world. Chem
ically speaking. l am compound oi
phosphorohs, gas and atmospheric wind
as mos, Of you have, doubtless, ong ego
discovered. Mechanically speaking !
am an old clock, made, wound up and
ee, in motion some several years ago by
The Grea, Clock maker Of the Universe
was m ade 10 run 10 years. at lass'; q
ifFsts and Fortune will only keep my
inner works in order, shall expect TO-
keep going till my weights have run the
mll length OF their chords. Morally
Speaking, | am an equal mixture oi vice
and vrlue--a kind of vinegar and mo-
lasse, mess. SO nicely are they mixed
together that the vinegar Of vice 10 moi
40 sour as TO be unpslpab!e, nor The mo.
lasses Of virtue 80 sweet as TO be sicSen
ing. My feelings are as'ender as young
toad soos--mv passions are as strong
as decocllon of tobacco juice-my sym
nathies are az a sofa sDd the down under
ANGELS wing--and my desires for the
proportion of human happiness are Jas
as happen 10 feel about The head heart
ard stomach.
Nls,sphoricslly speaking, sn Toy
thing of time, played for short period
snd lheu cast among rubbish, foot bali
of fate, kicked about ill burst, and am
no longer worthy even Of kick;a wind
mill Of excitement. that moves with the
popular breeze, but is still in calm, and
q correct thermometer, my mercury ~
sing 10 summer hes, by the warm rays
of hope, and sinking to below zero /"
.he cold atmosphere of doubt, a meau
,sllow candle, ,alresdy burnt one third OF
iis wsy 10 The socket, and every mo
ment in danger OF being extnguished
by The sufferers Of Death; an old bool'
worn by pilgrim, with wooden leg
over the rough road Of existence, tIlI /
is neither worth feeling, patching mol
preserving. In fact, my friends dom
see that aIn Of any more use 10 the U
inverse considered as whole) than q
shovel OF poudretle 10 Ten acre corn.
field. When am dead and gone,
shall be IS thing that never had been,
and the children Of pos'erily will pro
baby shoe, marbles across my grave al
unconscious Of their sacrlligous doing
ssa parcel Of mice gnswing a, the gres
" leaves of an old snd fayorts fsmil,
Aihls: as. ~-15.51.s1rs eenoon-rne
school taugh, in Squib.own, by Miss He.'
lena Juiiana Augusta Irene Splizhzzle, il
conducted on the pures, principles Of maid
snly modes,y aud delicacy.
Miss Susan sniffle, spell shawl
S.h.o.r l--shawl
No--'tsin'. right
S-h.ol
No. try sgain
E-h.or.e.l
La! no, that amt right. Susan. VII
do you pu, round your neeki
My beads, nam.
What elsei
My new lace cape, man
Pshswl DID you 60 10 church lsst nigh
Yes man
Well, now, whs, did you have roar
YOUR neck, besides the cap and beads, ju
before you started!
o Gear me, can't tell
Silly child Recolleot now, for "
musI iell
am afeered'to, nam
Afraid TO Wha, nonsense Tell j! rig
ou, Miss. or ] will give you black mai
Well, then, jim Smith, the carpenV
mans arm, but II was only once
Good gracious, lordy mel Why Il
child is ruihed. y, la! DID ever he
the like Go right into the closet, Mi
Susan So,fiie 'hls minute
Elasticity Of JeW's Conscience =
'What do sou axe for ihsI coat said {
freshman 10 J,w 90 Main street yes,erds
as he hired up HE Tails Of q calico Goa
whose texture you mlghI in oil probabili
have dsrted straws 'hTough-Chesp aud ma
" like the Peoples theatre,
.Vat YOU want 10 buy dat coat, veil va
sail have it for three dollars, cheap
dlrr
Three dollars! be faggers, can bu
them for less nor that on Wsihels street
'Vel cum in, SELF em cheaper nor an
store in dis city, by got; now vat i'll yc
give fol' EN- | sell i, 20 you for two dols
and half not dam cent less, so help n
got
Be dad shsn't give that for it, III gi,
ye q dollar and half and not q id ce