Sunbury American and Shamokin journal. [volume] (Sunbury, Northumberland Co., Pa.) 1840-1848, 1844-04-27
"My WIFE. POISON, AND PUMP =,

mo, John, no. But no matter, You'll be
troubled no more with my drinking
What do you mean 2
mean what say, John replied the wife,
! looking very serious, aud speaking very So
lemnly and deliberately, with strong empha-
sis -troubled-no -nore-
with-my-drnking-I haue took II al last
Il knew it, exclaimed the wreched hus-
band, desperately tossing his arms oloft, as when
all is lost /; Il knew it '-and leaving one coat
, flap in the hands OF his wife, who vaiuly attemp-
ted TO de!ain him, he rushed from the room
sprang down the stairs, both flights, by two or
three steps at tme-ran along the passage
and without his hat, or gloves, or stick, dashed
ont at the street door, sweeping from the step
/ two ragged little girls quartern loaf basin
of treacle, and baby. Bat lie never s'oppedto
ask if the children were hurt, or even see whc.
! ther the infant dripped with gore or molasscs
! On he ran, like rabid }og, straight forward
down the Borough, needless alike of a porter's
! load, bakers basket, and butchers tray.
! Il say muttered the crrand boy, as he stag
! gcred from the collision.
dbo that again. growled the placard man, as
/ he recovered the pole and board which ko had
/ knocked from his shoulder.
I Mind where you're gon'.' bawled hawker,
as he picked up his scattered wares
! But, on, on, scampered the Tectotaller, heed
! less Of all impedimen1s-on he secured, like an
! antelope, 20 the shop number 240 with the red,
/ blue, ard green bottles in the window-the
( chemist and druggist's-nto which he dartel,
/ and up 10 the little bald man at the desk. with
! barely breath enough left to gasp our My Wife!
Poison! and Pump
Vegetable or mineral, = inquired the Sur
! geon Apothecary, with great professional cool
ness.
'Both-all sorts-laldanu .
( lie acid-corrosive sublmatc'--and TIE Tecto-
taller was about to add pineapple rum, amongst
the poisons, when the Doctor stopped him.
is she sick =
NO
But remembering the symptoms over night,
the TeetotalIer ventured to say, on the strength
of his dream, THAI she was turning all manner
| a house.
Then there is mol moment to losr,' said
the Esculapius, and accordingly clspping on
his hat, and arming himself with the necessary
apparus-a sort of eephantine syringe with a
very long truak--he set of at rot, guided 10y
the Tcetotallcr, to unpoison the rash and ill-u
ted bacchanaan, Mrs. Burrage. Now, when
the Teetotaler, with the medical man at his
heels, arrived at his own house, Mrs. Burrage
was still in her bedroom, which was a great
convenience, for before she could account tor
the intrusion of stranger, nay, even without
KNOWN how it was done, she found herse
seated-more jealousy than tendcrly or ccre-
moniously-in the easy chair and when she
attempted to cXpostulate, she tclt herself cho
king with tube of something, which was Ger
talnly neither maccaroni, nor slck-liquorice
nor yet piPe'pepermlnt.
To account for this precipitsncy, the exag
gerated representations OF her husband must be
borne in mind and IT his wife did not exhibit
all the dying dolphinlike colors that he had de
scrlbcd-i II she was not quite so blue, green
yellow, or black, as he had painted her, the a
pothecary made sure she would soon be, ant
consequently went to work without delay, where
delays were SO dangerous.
Mrs. Burrage, however, was not woman to
submit, quietly, 10 disagreeable operation a,
gaInst her own consent, so with yigorou,
kick and push at the same time, she con
trived to rid herself at once of the doctor
and his instrument, aud Indignantly demanded
TO know the meaning OF the assault upon her,
It's to save your lie-your precious life, FL
len,' said the Tcetotaller looking at her very
solemnly.
ITS to empty the stomach, ma'am,' said Tho
doctor
Empty a fiddle, retortcd Mrs Burrage, whC
would have added stick but the doctor watch
ing his opportunity had dexterously popped
the tube again into her mouth-not without {
fresh scufle from the patient.
For the Lords sake, Ellen continued thu
Feetotaller, con6ning her hands, do, do, pra!
do sit quiet
'Pob-wob-- ObOle,' said Ellen, 'Hub-bul
-bub-bubble, attempting to speak with ano
I ther pipe in her throat besides the wndpipe.
f Have the goodness ma'am, to be composed,
: impored the doctor
S 4 won't shouted Mrs. Burrage, having again
released herself from the instrument by des