Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1844-02-16


ungrateful world with such oprrol,rinus terms as
gossps, tale bearers, busy bodies, otticious inter-
Hiedders, retailers IN scandal, and thousand 9th.
er epithets Of like character The third grand
exception TO my remark Is TO he found in TINT no.
Bile baud of worthless among whom am proud
10 bc enumeratedi Tor such iUSuS nature MS an
egotisIcal Old Bachelor has never had existence;
and never will have, give me leave to say, until
the looI.oegot adage, that erlremeS meet, shall
be literally verified. Ii is in view, Messrs. Editors,
oi th's last tHci, that the promise CONSIDERABLY
made weet since, TO Introduce myself more par
'icu'arly TO your acquaintance aI The present
Time, las occas;oned me an Infinite deal OF self
rerroach. Again and again has the torturng in
terrogatory forced itself upon my mind, How
could |, who have buried oil sefshness, think OF
obruding myselfupon The notice OF world, bll-
ried in sehshness? And ngan aud again has inc
unwelcome response been givcn,-it was your
simple and conliding disposition alone that de-
COyed you Into such an ndiscrelloh. wen,
Messrs Editors SO il was undoubtedly But still
it no more relieves me from the consequences,
than the fact that Adam owed his iransgress0n 10
she en'cement Of :" the woman" delivered him
from tho curse Of lie lhorns and thistles."-
What ! have been foolish enough TO undertake,
must he honest enough to perform. /! is dn un'
pleasant task, but there is no alternative. must
prove true TO my engagement, Tor bachelors
word is never lals6ed. Well, then, with u cheek
mantllng, through modesiy, wi deepest Grim
zon, proceed 10 tell you briefly, who and what
an.
But here, just as have succeeded in "scrcwlna
my courage to the sticking place" aud begIu IN
earnest to consider which Of The many delightful
phases OF my character it is best TO present you
first, the truth occurs to me, that what am about
doing is al work of supererogation. Have not
already more than once unequiyocay signiiied
that um an Old Bachelor true and tried? That
single fact known what else remains to he SAID
Although, perhaps, you are not blessed win me
genius of Culver, still you cannot fail to develop
at once, for yourself the whole circle OF my char
ncters,ics My habits, feelings tastes, humors,
carrces, antipathies, propensities aud predllrc-
lions, in short, my entire organization, with all lis
consequent phenomena, is, | doubt not, as clear
TO your conception, as the noon.day sun. You
have already pictured, before your minds eye
rare specimen of humanity whose constitution
al elements are feminine de!icacy Of soul that
is sensitive TO Tho wants fthe ueanesl thing that
Breaches, and i masculine big-hearledness that
conprehends the whole universe within the
mighty grasp OF lis Observation-Disclosures Two ele.
ments wilhaI kneaded together 10y dame nature
with an exuberant supply Of tho milk Of human
Kindness, unauthorized by q single drop Of NAL
ice, envy, jealousy revenge, or any other ingredi
ent, which could curdle it into gall, and then
lcuvened with copious infusion Of the cardinal
virtues, aud the whole epiced with rich vein Of
sentiment that
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in every thing.
These, you have lived long enough to learn, are
the absolute essenIia of every true born baChe-
lor. We'll, having originally been endowed by
nature, in common with all her other especial ia
Worries, with such ucomposilion, aud having scru-
pulously allowed it to develop all lis latent re-
sources unres,rained by the lormaIities OF the
world, what wonder is it, that here in my seventh
decade, stand before you artless aud unassum.
ing, frank and conhding, gentle and lorbearng,
generous and orgving, aflectionue aud synpa-
ihizing courteous and obiging, affable, agreeable
and fascinu-but hold ho!J Whilher is this
self description driving me? Excuse We, Messrs.
Editors for really it required so great an effort TO
overcome my native modesly, and undertake an
inventory OF my good qualities, that the very i'm.
pcus required TO start with, is hurrying me little
farther, fear, than the worlds sense proprety
will warrant. 1t is singular fact, yet one unle-
niaby true, that no man, even of The highest ex
cellence, can enter into an honest exposition oil
his own WORTH without, sublecling himself 10 the
imputniion of being cOncelted and vain x lorous
just as if sincerity and candor were merits, that
have 10 right TO keep company with the other
vtues. However, in writing for the public, it be-
comes me TO defer TO the prejuGces Of the public
Sef-regard as well as propriely requires it, This
is an invidious and censorous world, and if Ia
honestly Analysing my character | shall make
known the truth and the whole tru!ll, although
one OF your discernmenl and mngnanimi,y would
find nothing bat matter for admiration, STILL have
seen enough ofAuman nature TO know that, among
men generally, and women universally, my ex-
posed merit will make more enemies, than my
righteousness will gain friends Wherefore /
will patcularze no farther but content myself
with simply repeating that otn genuine cd
bachelor, and then leave 10 yourself and your
readers 10 infer the rest
However rs some people may be little Gu
rious rs regards my personal appearance, see
no harm in just stopping o say thar am not Of Il
" lean and hungry aspect" but my outer man ex.
hibns harmonious combination of the rubicnnd
and Totund. My frontal convexiiy preserves all
the essential principles OF the arch, which is
universally admitted TO be the most graceful Of
architectural forms, certainly none the less so
when the material happens 10 be flesh and blood.
My figure :hen is OF the most perfect symmetry, |
my port is OF the most commanding, and my mlen
OF The most engaging order, and OF The staleness
of my gait and elegance of my gesture | would
here upon the spot, give you practical illusra- |
ton by making you most graceful bow for your
patience, and s,riding with my utmost dignity out
OF your editorial Sdncittm with promise 10 call
again next week, were il not for the fact that
see, peerng over your shonlder, one of those pro-
vokiug little vixens, who were wont 10 vote an
Cd bachelor the hatelullest creature on earth the
concentrated extract Of every thing abomable.
just disdainiully stepping out of her teens, and
already assuming The mighty importance of u pri-
,ileged heart-6reaker. Yes there she is, aud
hear her inquire, with scorniul loss OF her head
Why don't the old cummudgeon get married p
Well, though it is not fair question, yet if my
fair calechiser insists upon a fair nswer-and
am too well versed in female inquisiveness not 10
know that she will suppose ! am in gallanlry
bound to satisfy her curiosity. But, having tres
passed already too long upon your patience, she
must excuse me if defer my reply until another
interview, when will attempt 10 say something
explanatory, if not exculpalory, Of conduct so
obnoxious 10 her maiden highness. Till then, if
clio will be grac;ously pleased 10 suspend the out
pourings OF her direiul resentment, will remain
hers. as we'll as yours,
CALEB CELEBS
FedhjtH COr0ners. At Hubbardlon, Mass an
inquest was recently held over the body of Joseph
Waite, q poor drunkaid, who was found dead by
ihe road side. Tie Coroner and jury had The bold.
a., IN dacIare-