Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1844-11-21
NEW ORLEANS GUESSING INSTI.
TUTE.

A seedy son of New England found
himself, recently, oil alone, unknown snd
"hsrd up" 10 New Orleans. OF course
he soon set shout guessing some way &c
keep on. Of the scrspe and, before he
bad quite whitfield his stick away, he be.
came absorbed in the inception of a grand
thought. Ii seems, sitting down to guess,
his astute brain made plunge, at once,
among the metaphysical and scientific
ramifica,ions Of guessing and, not long
after, he might have been observed, with
sober sort Of twinkle in bis eye, march
ing off along the "Levee," apparently
look ing for house TO let, humming--
Yankee Doodle come along!
When fortune falls distressing,
There's nothing like Yankee song,
And scientific guessing.
Early next day, our hero and another
odd looking genius were seen on ladder,
mailing up broad strip OF canvass all
across the front oil house on the levee
and the job being completed, there was
displayed in hariug, sprawling, Struggling,
broken backed, decapitated, knock kneed,
round sbouldered, bowlegged, imping
letters. Roman, German, Hebrew, cal.
graphic, chirographic, Arabian, Amer.
can, and pothookian letters,
NJ ORLEENS GESSING INSTI.
FOOT.
GEssING TAUT IN ONE LESSEN.
Only 25 fire cents.
The thing produced sensation, at
once, among sailors, pedlass, ievee labor
efs, and all sorts OF stragglers. Our pro-
fessor borrowed on old rotten awning,
hung it up, and divided his room into two,
put his assistant at the door to take in
quarters, turned tir cup inside dowa in
the middle Of an old rckety table, got a
vial Of vinegar, pot of tar, bottle of
whiskey, AID various other well known
oder;ierous affairs arranged around him !,
and, with black sku.l-cap on his head
and a red stick IN his hand, he made no
bad "splurge" at the representation Of a
modern Faust. Madam Lud might have
taken lesson from him ("you understand
me now?') and Herr Alexander should
have seen him. He drew mystic ring
on the ceiling, with charcoal, filing II up
with mGSi Rdescribabe curllcues, right
over the table, and business soon COM
menced.
In Struggled an open mouthed inquirer
after the mysteries OF guessing.
Stranger. good morning walk up
and prescribe yourself as true inquirer
utter the Irrevelatlons Of Guesseology. -
Put your eft hand upon the converted tin
cup. Very we'll Lift right hand to the
celi ng, aud fix your eyes upon the magic
circle. SO. Now, if you wink or re-
move your eye, you'll ruin the hui bust
ness, stranger so jes, hold still. Now
percede to provoke the guessing spirit to
descend upon you.
"What do you smell ?"
"Vuegar 7"
"Crmn jiugo you larn fast! What's
this 2"
That's tar "
"Right again, my pupil; what's this ?"
"Brimstone."
"Good you envelope the faculty raaly
"Whiskey, oy thunder ~
"All creation! how quick you take il !!
are YOU sure its whskey7"
"Sure well recon !"
You'd better TASTE i, and see. Is it
whiskey"
"WeIl, it is"
"Tske a good swig, then; you'll do,
stranger; you're ready 10 graduate
Come in, next. Halo! mister, don't
take that bottle away"
One after another, as fast as he could
dispose of them, the professor found his
customers slde!ing half shyly IN upon him
all day loag, and when, now and ;hen,
one would exhibit beligerent spirit, be-
tween good humor and ~hlskey, the New
England magician still managed TO send
him off SATISFIED. Every body coming
out was questioned by the eager crowd
m waiting as to what sort Of show ii
was, any how p and the answer was pref
" generally the same First rate, and
no uistake j; and the last experiment is
worth half the money !"
The professor counted his receipts tina;
night, and finding round sum 20 help
hrm on West, sold his ",ns.itoot" tor n
premium to his entrrprising assistant /;
and the next morning he was Oft, jung
ling the silver in his pocket. and blssslng
devouty the benefits of seience'
THE CLOCK AT LuNDEN.-The cathe
i .oI a, INDIAN IN Cmaden ia a maunlfI