Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1844-11-28
Parody on the Declaration oil lmde.
peMdenCe. =

Parody On the Declaration OF AmGe.
pemdence.
The Salisbury IN. c. Ws,chman tell, the
story of a-lavern keeper, who. having growtt
rich, grew very careless, and SO offended the
lawyers, by whom his house had for year. beea
filled, that, during one crowded session of ihs
court, they with one accord iorsook him, Irar-
ing behind ,hern the following parody ON tins.
Declaration Of Independence :--a
When, in The course of human events. it
becomes necessary for a haIf-hunery half-frt,
imposed-on set OF men, to dissolve The hssds'af
landlord and boarder, a descent respect fnr The
opinion of mankind requires that they should
declare the causes which have impeled them
to The separanon. @ s'sa''s'
We hold these truths 10 be sef-eviden, that
all men are created with slomachs, and they are
endowed by their Creator with certain imaiieaa.
ble rights, among which are, that no man should
be compelled 10 sla.ve. ou. of mere compliance
10 a landlord. aud that every man has rlghl 10.
ill his STOMACH aud wei his whistle with the
best that's going. boa
The history of the presen, landlord Of The
White Lion is a history Of repeated insults, ex-
actions aud injuries, all having in diree, object.
the establishment of absolute tyranny over our
s,omachs and lhroaIs. To prove this, let facts
be submitted TO candid world. &"
He has refused 10 keep any thing 10 drink
but bald-faced whiskey
| He has refused to set Upon his table FOR din
ner any thing bu, lurnip soup, with Iilrle tough
beef and sourcrou.. which are no, wholesome
aud necessary for the public good. q
| He has refused TO 10. his only servant, blink
eyed Joe, put more Than six grains Of coffee TO
one gallon Of wafer @
| He has turned loose a mul,ilude of mosqui-
os 10 assail Us in peaceful hours Of the night
and cal out our substance. .a -fe9Fi
| He has kept up, in our beds and beds,eads,
standing armies Of merciIess savage.. whose
rule of warfare is undislinguished destruction.
| He has excited domestic insurreciion among
us by taking biilers before breakfast. aud ma
king his wife and servan, do the same before
dinner, whereby there is often the very deuce
TO pay. bas9s 5sal .,ss sHs mis9
He has wssed cruel war against nature her-
sell, by feeding our horses with broon-siraw.
and carrying them of to drink where suine rs-
fused TO wallow. ag88s ss asgaas
He has projected one-eyed Joe in his viii
Iainuy, IN The robbery Of our jugs, by pretending
TO give him mock Trial. after sharing with him
the spoil sca 1as 49, .sgf
He has cut of our trade with foreign ports
and brought in his own bald-faced whiskey,
when we had sent him 10 buy better liquor a.
broad; and with per6dy scarcely parallslsd
in the mos, barbarous ages, he has been known
10 drink our foreign spirits. and fll up cur bot
Ties with has own dire po,ions. s5s
Heshas imposed isxes upon Us TO an enor-
nous Amount, againstour consent, and without
any rule bi.s his own arbitrary will and pleas
ure. s7aTa .na Iida atHl asg.e fgs sa.fs1eq e.
A landIordnwhose character is thus marked
by every actwhch may defle tyran. and a
master, is unf, 10 keep boarding house for
i Cherokee Indians.
Nor have We been waning in our attention
10 Mrs B. and Mrs. Sally, We have appealed
to lher native justice and masnanimlIy. we have
conjured them TO alter state Of things which
would inevitably interrupt our connection and
correspondence. They, TOO, have been deaf to
the voice of justice; we are, therefore. con-
strained 10 hold all three Of the parties alike io-
imical to our well being. and regardless Of our
comfurs sd, 10 soays9sa sagslg0 ssH aaE
/ We, Ihsrsfore, make ,his sosina decIa,a,ien
of oas final separation from OUT landlord, and
cas-. our defaucein in his teeth" aai s8ia,4a1
! The OTHER WAY-A Iile ragged urchin
had beef, sent by amschanic 10 collect small
bill which had become due. He began in tho
usual way, by becoming more and more 'mppr-
,unale. al length The gse,eman's pasienus being