Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, W.T. [i.e. Wis.]) 1843-1844, 1844-06-29

upon them such vol!eys Of cannoH balls and
buck sho, aud clouds Of brims,oue as hides
them from my view. Teller citizens, rather
than suffer the risin giaeraiion to be under The
wmin, ! would take my company and star.
inmate the critters from the face Of the ar,h.
When J think on i. feel like could scratch
the skies TO pieces with my finger nails; could
stomp the breath ont of volcano. l. makes
me froth at the mouth like beer barrel, and
smoke at the nose like coal pit. Mr.. Chair.
I've extended beyond myself. and with your
permission, I'll absquH.ula,e and cool off.
The "dOwn Easter" who had proposed
woman school master was totally annihilated
BY Captain Grinders speech, and became in.
visible. Oliver Scratch. another Commission.
OF and Trustee, whose face was phosphores-
cent with the light absorbed from his COLI
leagues Grafton. row proposed the following
resolution: "Resolved that it is contrary 10
the constitution of wimin and of the United
States 10 make 'em school masters; that they
are neither larned nor savage enough for our
District, and that we consider any body unf, TO
teach school whocannot whip his weigh, in Wild
cats" This resolution passed by accIama.ion.
now step, forword and informed the Com
miesioners that was school-hun,ing; was
peculiarly struck with The superior intelligence
and good sense Of the neighborhooh, and
should be extremely happy should be found
to possess the requisite qualifications. Tho
room was soon cleared and l was trembling
under the searching scrc!iny of Captain Grind.
er and Oliver Scraih, the honorable trustees
and commissioners Of Wild Cat District.
"Well Master" the Cap,rin began, .'yoa
appear to me to be- slim looking chance
there's no marke. for small potatoes here. We
never give master a certificate unless he can
hickory about three Of the sturdIest young
bucks in the neighborhood at once. Then we
ak him the puzzlingest questions ye ever heard,
on the sciences-you'd better not try i,--we'lI
be sure to stump YOU"
..Go ahead Captain" said ], ..les me make
use of my larnin and cunnin and can tie all
the brass in your District, and I'm no, afraid Of
your questions either" tsit Ea8
"Here's at you them" said the Captain,
snow can you spell AN Abominable Bundle
Bee, with his tail cut off,"
ITO be sure Captain; a-b-o.m a.bon--"
Here the Captain cut off my tGle-you're green
as pumkin. Why. my Bill could spell /,
at three years DID," erT
"And where did he gethis larninl" "why
he larned j. of a humble bee one day." said the
Captain; "when he came home he could bum.
bic it out as well as any bee that ever fu..er.
ed"
"Well,'' said j, "my teacher made me com.
mence a. the top Of science, and condesceud
downwards. wish you'd ask me some ques-
tons in the higher branches
"Here's al ye," said the Cap IN, "Oliver,
get him to do that hard sum thai Squire Stes.
ling learned you in the Ri.hme,ic."
Heres slate and pencil" said MIR. Oil.
yer Scratch. ''now want you 10 take one
from ten. and tell how many survives." So
] set down 10 in Arabic figures. rubbed GU.
the one on the left hand side-said l, "if you
take one from ten. nothing remains" Mr..
Scratch jumped on his fee, in an ecs,acy, and
declared Twas real Samfson-,hat they had
sent oil three masters already because they
couldn', master that sum.
"Well. don't be too has,y," said the Cap.
isiu. "I'll stump him again with sum M old
master arned me. How does The Ri,hme,ic
say you must extract roo,s!" with grub.
bling hoe or ma,tock." replied.
The Captain was confounded, and declared
he had never examined master who could
touch me with ten foot pole, on the sciences.
'.Well. said Mr.. Oliver Scratch, an lis.
ask ye one of the TOUCHES, sort a'questions in
JosraPhy. and if you answer that, right then
I'll give i. up. whereabouts on the 'arth does
the sky shet DOWN."
inst few feet t'o,her side of sun set,'l
answered. RICH. of their honors pronounced
me the most aInazin scholar that had ever APP
pearsd in the diggins. .Now." said the Cap
tain, .if you'll get the upperhand of three
young colts ihatwe'Il pit against ye. by hook
or crook, and give 'em a decen, drubbin, you're
jis. the man for Wild Ca, Disirict--a master
ought to have Riihmeiic in his fists, and
Grammar in his undersfandin, so be can kick
and cuff the scholars. and drive in knowledge
into beth extremes Of EN-"
"yery good" said !. all manage ZEN.
The young bucks of about II years each were
soon on hand sleeves rolled CD ready 10 test