Lynchburg Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1829-185?, 1843-04-24

Aaof.
Nv Hesrers.-it ia mr. ,lcuiion in this present dis
course 10 pour the BALM Of consolation INTO tlse iesle
ing wounds ofdoubt aud dependency with which that
unfortunate class Of beings. called Old Maids are so st
>erciy afr ie,cd I'LL Dow jr the h. pressure preach
er fail in aordna them that consolation "hl"h they 50
earnestly desire, and 81 much stand IN need Of thu
cases must be desperate indeed, and asi medical moal,
or ministerial skill We know very we'll my friends,
th,t women are not all leesr neither are MGR all gan
dor, boweyer striking Tho saloey be IN particular
instances; nevertheless make application ri my
text II ought To be d Of crest qualification ior
that portion 81 the female "hose hopes uf matno
nv are time iaticrcd aud tossing. to kno" that every
ppso--nn matter bow old II may he-wil sooner or n
ter, find some honest gander Tor lis mate and YET wn
| tell Them thai the why every goose finds lis
Cander slely because gand's are ailo" od plurality
Of wives ddu'i know bnt they VIII slnk corset deep
Into despair, and give up lur lst. Yet II is 10, NY
friends Geese always number the gandrrs and wore
il moi thai the latter pssess themselves oi more than one
wife each thousands OF The iuruer would bee destined 10
pick their grass in solitary PASTURES, and die matrices
Now hen We come To a1w thc necessary deduction
for the havoc that war. lniempefance aad other conun
pencies make in the ranks o tho mall paft ui mankind
we shall always find that s petite tribe claims vast
majority throughout th world How lhrn they 10
get married unless plurality If wIsfa isalluwcd3 Nov
don't like TO pryach up any doctrine That is calculated
60 against the popular gram but MY private opinan
publicly expressed, thai The prestn artificial state 81
society Is an outrageous nhcfh'hNiehl upon lnr t9hi>
and priv eleges OF the tuale sex, and that plgamy II
in as perfect accordance with the laws 81 God aud Na
ture as the union between hye gay geese and while
gsnder II prac,lsed in tho good uid prmeyal tmts
when nature ruled rather than fashion, and the women
all happy then, they wrfe mol So "ise and wicked
MY frieuds-T know nll well that there are thou
sands of old ma ids covered with the mirw Of age and
dependency who would rather have half, quarter.
ffth or even decimal oil husband, Han husband
at ALI and II isa sin aud shamo thai such vast quaint
ties Of heavens most precious material should be allow
ed u perish in celibacs. because the matrimonial
kei monopola,d by lie miserable i,inons Of corrupt
and venal custom As the world Is constituted one man
better maintain tliree wnmcn than can
provide for herself aud posleriy. and instead Of suffering
consequence, would increase like gtasshuppfs IN the
middle OF August. Il ntcudcdby The aIl-V se Ma
ker OF the universe that every should have her
mate we'll every eonse It's gander aud that she
should accomplish heloIe death the great end for Which
she created. Therefore, il there b. supciuity of
the feminine gender ~ the world, they ought 10 be dI
vded oil into parcels, great and small, and every nan
choose for himself according The power Of hs physical
srength-the length and breadth OF ms aectionsand
the depth ofhs desires Every unmarried female has
an ndspuiable claim upon the love al soue man; and
what allow 10 ash my friends, Is the of thai love
unless II be boiled down and sugarcd oil ia the g.lden
kettle Of Hymenl Nome at all You might as well
undertake 10 suck honey from the contents Of barn
yard because bees do tho SAINT 10 suppose you can
taste the true spice Of love tl ii paakcn the cakn
Of malrimuny
Ny dear iemalesl-'rhe chances for all Of You being
made happy in the hol, bonds OF wedloek hook rather
ecrumpiious must ctniess. My heart is full OF the
soothing syrup of sympathy Tor yuu hui tina, never
alter the decree Of al.. II is ordained bv Proy
dence that you to die old maids. my preaching can
no more avert the doom than 1t abolish the everlas
ing established system oil future punishment " hen
the summer Of your lives draws toa clase-whcn Yum
rosy charms beginning 10 fade like The springs upon
your calIcoos aud when hk lrafesS ,iecss s1uasles
you have grown witheed aud Widow IA The dole October
oi exsience-you will find that CUPID will dlsdan To
frequent your auumnal bowers; and the shrubs of hope
mat line your pathways Ia the tomb, may put forth buds
IN abundance, but depssd upon IT, they can bios
SON ~ The frosty atmosphere Of age Nevertheless,
my dear iemanins IT You do but attend well To the car
den OF the mind, lies early spring plant in It The sea
SONS OF virtue, mod sly aud wsd nm. and urnamchi
WIN The inwers oi learning, II viii pestn greater
fractions Tor geutlemon OF worth than all the silks kis
ivory, paint culs, gum. whalthone and hogs hristos
that ever enymph ollhe pave logged down the lane
SIN 10 perdillon. II you only behave Yourselves and
keep letting on, hem a. The bottom 81 fHnr trucks ~
YOU grow tall amid the vices If tue VERDI and don't
irt too much While the features upon the wings of van
ly are beginning 10 start, YOU Will IN all probability he
lucky enough 10 amale aHaie according TO Your ndiyd
us DESIRES and put forth sprnuis thai shall bear sprouts
tosproui again from posierl'y 10 poslerty SO mote
he!