Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1843-09-28
General Miscellany.
TAKING THE CENSUS.

A SCENE IN ALABAMA.-BY II. HOOPER.
We rode up one cay TO the residence
Of widow, rather past the prime Of life
--0ust that period at which nature sup.
plies more abundantly the oil which ubri.
Gates the hinges of the female tongue)--
and hitchng to the fence, walked into
the house.
"Good morning, madam" said we in
our usual bland and somewhat insinuatng
manner.
"Mornin'," said the widow, grufily.
Drawing our blanks from their case,
We proceeded--"l am the man, madam,
that takes the census, and'-
"The mischief you are % said the old
termugant. Eyes. Ive hearn Of you.--
Parson w. told me you was coming. and
| told him jist what tell you--that if you
said CLOTH soap or chickens TO me,
I'd set the dogs on ye; here Bull here
Pompp' Two wolfish ours responded to
the call of Bull and Pomp, by coming to
the door, and smelling at our feet, with a
slight gTowl, and then laid down on the
steps. "Now," continued the old she
savage, 'them's tho s.verest dogs in this
country. Last week Bill Stonecker's two
year cd steer jumped my yard fence, and
Bull and Pomp TUX him by the throat, and
they killed him alore my boys could
break 'em loose, to save the world"
Eyes ma'an," said we, meekly, "Bull
and Pomp seem to be very fine dogs"
"You may well say that; what tells
them to do they do--and if was 10 sick
them on your old horse yonder, they'd eat
him up before you could say Jack Rober.
son. And its jist WIN! shall do, if you
Try to pry into my consarns. They are
none of your business, nor Van Buren's
mother, | reckon. Oh, old Van Bambu-
rem! wish had you here, you old ras.
cal Id show you what--Id-Pd make
Bull and Pomp show you how to be- send.
in out men to take down what little stuff
peoples got, just to tax it, when its taxed
enough Already :!
All this time we were persplring through
fear of the fierce guardians Of the old Wild
ow's portal. At length, when the widow
paused, we remarked that she was deter
mined not TO answer questions about the
produce of the farm, we would Just set
down the age, sex, and complexion Of
each member Of her family.
"No SIGH thing-you'l do no SIGH q
thing" said she; "Pve got five in family,
and that's all you'll git from me. Old
Van Buren, must have heap to do, the
drotted old vllyan, to send you TO take
down how old my children is. I've got
five in family and they are all between
FIVE and hundred years, they are all a
plaguy sight whittier than you, and wheth-
er they are he or she, is none of your con-
sarnR."
We told her we should report her 10
the Marshal, and she would be- fined, but
it only augmented her wrath.
"Yes send your Marshal, or your
Van Buren, here, if you're bad off to--let
'em come, Cooking as savage as Bengal
tigress.) Oh, | wish he UOuld come" and
her nostrils dilated, and her eyes cleaned,
"I'd cut his head off"
"Thst might kill him." we ventured to
remark, by way of Joke.
"Kill him kill him--oh il haG him
w TIC ytuTa too"P" MI hibt
A pretty fellow to be eating his vittl out'n
gold spoons tina, poor peoples taxed Tor,
and rasin' an army to get him made king
Of Amerlky--ths audacious, nasty, stink.
ing old scamp" She paused moment,
and then resumed, "Ard now, jist pu,
down what tell you on that paper. and
don't be telling no lies TO send to Washing
ton city. Jist put down July Tompkins.
ageable women, and four children"
We objected to making any such entry,
but the old bag vowed that it should be
done, 20 prevent any misrepresentation OF
her case. We, however were pretty res
dilute, until she appealed to the couchsnt
whelps, Bull and Pomp. AT the first
glimpse of their teeth. our courage gave
way, and we made ths entry in bold
hand across blank schedule. -"July Tom
kns, agea6ie woman, and four children.
We now begged the old lady TO dismiss