Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1843-11-17
TOM TOWNS
WHO DON'T LIKE COFFEE.

Don't! don'tn said Tom Towns last
night, as the Waterman applied his pole to
the neighborhood of his fifth rib don't in
%terfere with Il fuller wot's engaged in a fair
fight with miskiters and amt got no friends
'What brings you here this time of
night 2 said the Waterman. 1t was IL
O'Clock.
'Why, the fact of it is, old feller,' said
Tom, tits all the fault of the Government ;
it's a cussed bad government, this, and don't
attend to the interests of the people, no
how. Wy doesn't Congress pass a stop-law,
that 'ud enable a Teller 10 stop in his boadin'-
house all the time, without havin' to fork
I goes in for the Biddle policy and ven
Nicholas tells the defaultlng States to pony
up, l says Go it, Nick Go it, old Teller =
But then l think, like him. that Individual
Reputation is a right slap-up kind Of bust
ness, and no mistake
Il think you're an idle Teller, that don't
work, and oughtcr,' said the Waterman.
'Workin' aint ginteel nor independent
says Tom, mo how you can fix it. Be-
sides. what's the use Of havin' IA President,
and 4th of July celebrations, if a Teller
can't live without doin' nothing Wy can't
the Legislature pass IA bill for my relief
Amt | "A human bein'? Ain, a human bein'
as good as a canal or a railroad any day ?
and they passes acts in favor of them now
| calls them downright log-rollin'. But III
fix 'em all next lection; Ill vote blank, and
veto the whole oil 'em.'
Before doing so,' says the Waterman,
s you had better comu to the calaboose-you
will have an opportunity Of introducing your.
solf to the recorder in the morning.
well, [ ain, no objection as | knows on,
watchery,' SAID Tom, { but pr'aps you could
give a poor Teller dime. l amt got nc
change, and I'm afraid his honor won't stand
bitlers for all hands in the mornin'.'
mo, he's IA teetotaller,' said the watch
man, : but he'll order your coffee without
milk, I've no doubt
'Ah, Watchey" said Tom, coffee is We
ry good-coflee, as Mrs. Towns used to sa,
, is IA very good beverage for "a Turk, but i
aint a decent drink for IA Christian. no how
I, A pig and whistle is the only regular eye
I opener-lf you can't get the genuine article
, you may fall back on "A gin cocktail; but
l you get "A quarrelin' with the old oman ant
wants to commit shock-iside, take the tenn
$ perance pledge; ii kills off faster THAI tn,
l yellow fever
l The Waterman told him he had been
tcctotaller for II months, and had no grea
. sig" VI Plrscn''u"c"t vr Iyi"s .,o", u"
a bidding Tom a good night, no turned tn
! key of the watch-house door upon him.
0 The recorder made a teetotaller of him 70
80 days yeslerday.-N. o. Pic.
5
G The BETTER CHoICE.-A quaker, resi-
ding at Paris, was waited on by fou
workmen, in order to make the compli
e ments, and ask for their usual new year
: gifts.
'Well, my friends said the quaker, her
f are your gifts; choose Is frances, or til
e Bible
o Idon't know how to read,' said the first
o so | take the Is %francs.'
Il can read,' said a second, but l hav
It pressing wants. He took the Is ~francs.-
The third also made the same choice. H
now came to a fourth, a lad about Is or l
years old. The quaker looked at him wit
IS an air of goodness.
win you take these three pieces, whic
d You may attain at any time by your labo
G and industryr
ri AS you say the book is good, ! will tax
i, and read !, to my molher,' replied the bo.
q lie took the Bible, opened il, and found be
tween the leaves a gold piece of fort
francs.
The others hung down their heads, an
the quaker told them 10 was sorry they ha
not made a better choice.
nv