Wheeling times and advertiser. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1839-1849, 1843-07-27


! The man who made zap the following sOry ae,ur
SIop .woud steal chlcksns though Ire nsSsr ,t ON.
and must Judge all others BY himself Il u pretty
well told, though
sane ears ugo. Edward Everett. oar present d.
tugui'hed MInIsIer at the { 'ud Oi 81 James, ssd
Judge Siufy, we're sitting together IN = cutniJrta he
lIule parlOT IA Canbrrdyr. talkInK over the event.
'IpeCteJ To- iratpplre Oi Ihe day pillow ing. On which
occasIun, EvCteu Mas Ia drlIN or an OratIvn before
the Pm Beta Kappa Safety, OF Harvard UnIyeniIy.
"SuTy, said Everett. filling his glass With wine.
~" mDrrO~ ~Ill lee a great u re-. as ! ain expected
=" say something smart, To s,,sIaIn my growing rep
uturIUi anG The Tact -, my orsIion Is only cummOn.
place. ".Ah." replied Story. with n yawh; Il am
suriy lT yuu my dear fellow; Ihis speech making
before the young Oirs Oi our old Aim" Mater, mus'
be quiIe A. iusipid a. listening rpa dull iawyrt on
the merits ui The C'HistttYIIOu. or giving y charge 10
n graEd jpry " Blu II must he got through with.
thong, - ohImCd u. Everett. opening n small DRIVER
AMI Iakmg ouI - q"rre ri gilt edged paper, fastened
together " nh b.uc ribbon. Now, SinTy, listen; !
will read To you the parts expect most 10 takr.'-
llersuppn Everett commenced rrndIug. As he
went un. he kept soaring higher and higher intn the
rcgIuns OF Tho imagination. until no accomplished
one VI those beautiful clInaIes Of rhetorical cunpO-
siiiun Tor which he 10 81 unriNalled. Suddenly
~slnppiug. he j opped the AIS. nnd exclaimed.
There. Story, I call that pretty s'od!' Story Uds
fest GsieeP' The stopping nf The hum Of Evereu's
voice. awOke him up. and rubbing hIE eyes with
sumo confusion, saii his speech would not do that
il wanted some clint that would he remembered
and spokcn.' Everett groaned IN spirit, knit his
brUWs. and seemed 10 Dc wonderfully detected. Al
last breaking silence, he sand. AT the dinner Ct the
Phi Beta kappa Society We shall he called on for
toasls. Let as play Iniu each Others hands; and |
think with a little management we might Distinguish
oursrlvCs. and take the palm OIL some OF Those Eel.
lows VIII depend upon wine and the UCca,iOn 10
say good lhuIgs." The idea acted up'u SIury like n
rharni has fnc owe frightened uP; h. frfehead. il
~psssIble; loYSed m,re intellectual IhLn ever, aud
knocking his fist un the tabie. hr rIrlnimrd with
vrhcmeHce. "Eh. u mat capital idea; I neN er said
a good hing Of n drnuer liable u; my lIl". Non
omHid POssumHs SmrHrsi lets hatch np SuurIAing."
Story said fiiy line things, AMI 50 did Everett,
nut none oi Them suited; they Mere either too seuii.
mental, or too high hpw "a. or los comm "a place, and
Story gave 1t as his dccisinn that they should have
to give sP the attempt ia despair. A brown study
succeeded Tor q long Time, when Everett SAID, "he
thought They might moi only say something smart.
but II a pun could be mndc on his name, they might
not only be witty but say something handsome
about each other" Il hate Puns." glow led out
Story. did | not have to fight twenty times n
week whenI was freshman for Ihc Outrageous way
they worked 10y name into miserable jokes. re.
~cnl!tcI Gilbert, OF Connecticut. once said. because |
~tS rather slow Of speech, that put hun ia mini Of
a DULL Story, and ! did not let him treat me 10
~ siers and champagne inr q week afterwards
And then there was Smith. Of New Yora, said when
] appeared as marshal an commencement day. wit,
cooked hat and feathers. that I put hun ia mind of
IN iHuEtrdted Story; and | r~ecollect SAKE. from
Vermont, when ! got a coat with long skirt, said l
was then n Story aud Tales. never lorgaye auy
Of them To this day; bat. Everc'I. Il we can make
any capital off OF The him.. you may put un M
name Cor this OCCASION"
EverelI listened lu the strong rcminiscrnce Of his
Il ~ a o. ~ I.-.N ...Vl - - -
his own name bothered him Amazingly To pun OH.
Now. listen. Story. and hear If you can cuIch n dou-
BILE meanIng-EVcreit. Everett. have u! "Eurer
ka. renovata. numinr.' have Lpund u-EVrT a..
Ever H-wIrk IL Intu u sculence. Story. and our
fortune is made" Story reelected hug. buI d.d not
speak Tor fifteen minutes; hnAlly he opened his
his mouth and gave uterrnce Ia the k~n.IuwIng. "A
speech like the one We have heard iu day, cam 1
be beaten where ECeril - nHempted;' Everett
fairly sweat NIL over. aud sal that Il was worse Than
either dull Story illustrated Shy, or Sury with
lAles.'
Illuminating for a sAou umo lac said. IN get J. hn
Neal-you know, Stay. he'll do anything lUr a. In.
vitAiion To drnner-II get John 10 call Oh you when
] want a seniimen and You must say The oraIur
Of Inc dny-Applnuse 70 lows the loolSterS Of fame
where EyER-IT goes" Story listened, but his eyes
did not brighten up; he evidently did not take. and
finally he told Everett hO would not soy so dull q
thing ~ that nj q literary dinner-he preferred say
ing something about The majesty Of Tho law" EV'
ereIt was lIWle c~hngrined al this, for he thought
he had something handsome. and wen' on Ia explain
the wit OF The hing 10 Story. Story listened. and
finally said he coul1 see the point. and asked wha
was his answer. Everett. after some hesitation
produced the following
"The Members OF the Legs fessi ion. howeyel
Lofty their aspirations may be. they never can rise
higher than ONE STORY"
Il think. Z" said Story. perfectly innocent of the
double meaning. II think higher had better come
in after Story, | recUllecl n suit for some real eataIe
once that va. losihy the wrong use Of The very
word higher Everett was almost insane, and
went into .'eIplopauun on explanation every way;
but Story Was TOO dull. 20 see Ony merit in what he
ans To soy, or in the reJoinder. BIT finally consen.
ted 10 repeat his part, a. Everett would pledge his
honor thai il they we're laughed NJ, he would come
out aud say it was all q joke. That hight Eyeret
weai home smiling and swapping his fingers al the
impression he was 10 make Inc next day, Bot the
Thing fell sill born. the people 81 the dinner were
all as doll as SIO,y, and we would never have Ell
posed the way ihe Ike was got up, lift had not been
going the rounds Of The papers rs . remarkably hap
py REToRT COURTEOUS. and understood To be got or
cItemporaneously, the result Of wine and the oc.
casiOn."
observation-disclosures liberty Of speech
therefore. Encourage IL ~ your halls uflagislaii,n
Encourage It ia your temples Of justice, in your lee
tire rooms, IN all The business Of life; but above al
IN your NEwsPAFERs! Your newspapers are IN,
mighiisT preachers on eunh. They are more nuIner
Gus, more active. aud more listened To-, end viii
then-lberiy Of speech 10 every thing, not ever,
thing for them. for they can get along, and 10 gr
along. as you may see. and prosper oil Inc bette I, and
i pFBVy all The FtgheF anunafUnaa Cwr 40 h.;.- -.