Herald of the times. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1830-1846, 1843-05-04

Saying.
am business man. lam metho-
dical man. Method is he thing, after
all. But there are no people | more
heartily despise, than your eccentric
fools who prate about method witkout
understanding il attending strictly TO
It's letter, and violating its spirit. These
fellows are always doing the most out-oi-
the-way things in what they call an
orderly manner. Now here con-
ceiye its a positive paradox. True
method SpPertains 10 the ordinary and
the obyidns alone, and cannot be ap-
piled toahe outre, What definite idea
can body attach to such expressions
as "a methodical Jack o'Dandy," or
"a syslematical Will o. the Wisp Z"
My notions upon this head might not
have been so clear as thoy are, nop
should have been so well 10 do in tho
world as | am, but for "a fortunate acci-
dent which happened to me when | was
a very little boy. a goodhearted old
Irish nurse whom | shall not forget in
my will) took me up one day by the
heels, when ! was making more noise
than was necessary, and, swinging mo
round two or three times, blasted NY
eyes tor "a skreekin. little spaI peen,'
and then knocked my head into cooked
hat against the bed-post This, say,
decided my fate, and made my fortune.
A tremendous bump got up at once on
my slnciput, and turned out 10 be as
pretty an organ OF order as one shal! sec
on summers day. Hence that posi-
tive appetite Gar system and regularity
which has made me the distinguished
man ofbusiness that ! am.
There is any thing on earth hate,
it is genius. Your geniuses are all
ariant asscs-the greater the genius the
greater the ass-and TO this rule there
is no exception whatever. Especially,
you cannot make man Of business ont
OF genius, any more than money out
Nfa jew, OF the best nutmcgs out Of
plnc-knots. The creatures are always
going off at a tangent into some fan
tastic employment, ridiculous specula
ton, entirely at variance with the "h,-
ness of things" and having no business
whatever 10 he considered as business
a, all Thus you may tel! these charac-
ters Immediately by the nature Of their
occupations. If ever you perceive q
man scttag up as merchant, or q
manufacturer, or going into the cotton
or tobacco trade, or any Of those eccen-
trio pursuits ! or getting to be a dry
goods dealer, or soap-boiler, or some,
thing of that kind or pretending to bo
a lawyer, or blacksmith, or ply
sician-any thing out of the usual way
III ever, III short, you see conceited
fellow running hceIs-oyrr-head into the
patcnt-bIacking, or lincn-draping, on
dog-mcat line, you may set him down
at once as genius, and then, accord
ing to the rule-of-lhrea, he's an ass,
Now am not in any respect a genius,
hut a regular business man. My Day.
hook and Ledger will evincc this in
minute. They are well kept, though |
say it myself; and, in my general habits
of accuracy and punctuaIty, am not
to be beat by clock. Moreover, my
occupations have been always made to
chime in with tho ordinary habitudes Of
my fellow men. Not that feel tho
least indebted, upon this score, to my
exceedingly weak-minded parents, who,
beyond doubt, would have made an ar
rant genius of me at last, ifmy guardian
angel had not come, in good time, Ia
the rescue. In biography the truth Is
every thing, aud in autobiography it is
especially so-yct | scarcely hope To
be believed when ! state, however SOL
e,nnly, that my poor father put me,
when was about fifteen years of age,
Into the counting house of what ho terms
ed "a respectable hardware aud cour-
mission merchant, doing II capital bit nf
business ~ \ capital bit Of 6ddeNlck !
However, the consequence of this folly
was, in two or three days, had 10 be
sent home TO my button-headed family
~ high state of ltvcI, and with most
violent and dangerous PAIN ~ the sln-
cipui, all round about my big organ ut
order II was nearly gone ease wnh
inc thCu-iust tout "a and. IN Gt ~,