The Illinois free trader and LaSalle County commercial advertiser. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1841-1843, 1843-03-24

witty of the Grand Turk himself, wore
whiskers, moustachios and hair in Quanii-
ty sufficient to supply wigs for an entire
bench of English chief justices in the days
of Blackstone. A sheriff, crier and clerk,
men who well understood their business,
were then appointed; an eccentric come
dian, who could speak for hours upon
any subject, and was gifted with the kee.
nest wit and the strongest initiative pow
ers imaginable, was chosen prosecuting
attorney As principal witness in any
cases that might be brought, they fell upon
a little Irishman named Jimmy Tweed.
Jimmy was born in the British army, in
some Irish regiment, and had regularly
served his time out at Gibraltar. where
he picked up a smattering of Spanish.
On being discharged he visited this coun.
try. joined our army, served two or three
campaigns in Florida, and was finally dis
charged at Baton Rouge. To finish his
education, as he said, he then went TO
Texas, and after various campaigns was
finally taken prisoner in New Mexico.
He had all the wit Of his countrymen, and
a fund of dry humor which was mex
haustibe.
Tins organized, the cour. proceeded in
the trial of such cases as they thought
might be turned to their own profit.
More decorum, more order, or more graz
vity Of department have rarely seen in
any court of justice. The crier in some
way procured a small bell, and in regular
form called the court together and issued
his proclamatons.-the sheriff, with all
the gravity imaginable. commanded ST.
lence, compelled all to take Off their hats,
and preserved generally the best order.
The first action was brought against
young and very worthy man, a merchant.
who was charged in the indictment with
being ga d-n fool gcneraiy." The
Judge remarked that the charge was one
extremely grave in It's character and adj
mitted that he could not. at the time, think
of any precedent that might guide him in
his decision, which lie wound up by say
ing should be just and righteous one.
The prosecuting attorney, after few very
pertinent remarks, brought up several
witnesses TO sustain the charge. Their
evidence, which of course was made up
and calculated for the meridian of this
particular court alone, all went to sustain
the prosecution. The case, as made out
was clear enough, but to make all sure
Jimmy Tweed was brought up in the
witness stand. After kissing n brickbat
with due gravity, their being no Bible in
the court, Jimmy proceeded with his tes-
timony. He inStanccd several particulars
in which the accused party have evin-
ced very little foresight, and finally wound
up by saying that the fact alone Of his be-
ing found i'll company with the Santa Fe
expedition was tolerably strong evidence
against him.
At this point several demonstrations to-
wards uproarious laughter were manifes-
ted in court, all which were Instantly
quelled by the sheriff, and the Judge then
proceeded to give his decision. Clearing
his throat with preparatory "hem,'
and raising one leg over the other with
all becoming dignity, he remarked that all
the evidence bore strongly against the ac-
cused but the testimony ofthe las witness
is particular, view it in what light he
wonld, clearly sustained the charge that
the arraigned party was afflicted with "the
slmpcs' -iroubled with not being so par.
ticularly smart as he might and should
have been. He admitted that the charge
which had been thus proved was a mis-
fortune rather than crime butinasmuch
as the times were hard and victnals scarce
he should impose a fine Of two dollars
upon the accused. The latter, who ell.
joyed the joke as much as any one, inter-
posed no motion in arrest of Judgment,
but paid the fine at once, and thus ended
the first trial.
The next action brought, although not
quite SO grave in its nature, produced an
infinite degree Of merriment. One of our
officers, Capt. H., was charged with bad
singing, or rather, as the indictment read,
"with attempting TO sing and making ont
but badly at best" A number OF wit
nesses testified that at different times they
had been annoyed with the attempts of
Capt. II. at singing sundry songs, bu, as
the testimony of Tweed wen, directly to
prove the charge, and was perfect gem
in its way, shall give it as nearly as
! possible in his own words -
Yer oner," said Tweed, with a ludic-
j rous mock gravity, eyer oner, as I was
walkin' acrass the corral last evenin'
: heerd sthrange and mysterious sound