The Madisonian. [volume] (Washington City [i.e. Washington, D.C.]) 1837-1845, 1843-09-21


at length obtained the degree Of NJ. d. from the ce-
lebrated University of Prague. Instead OF the doc
torial hat, our Nj -. Wore green cap 18th broad
peak. he did so, he said 10 protect his ewes.
Censorious folks said, however, that he had not a
hat, nor, what was worse, money 10 buy one Ii is
probable the doctors purse was at low water He
could breathe vein well as his colleagues; but,
verifying the old proverb he had but little honor in
his own country. His practice stood at zero his
townsmen looked on HIM with contempt He did
his best 10 mend matters. He inserted adveit ise-
ments IN The newspapers, beginning as usual, BY
Gods help, owe my recovery from long pam and
suffering 10 the skill and attention of Doctor N. n.
The blessing Of God be him." Still no one took
the bait AT night, when he observed house where
there was party, he rang the bell SO violently that
the people, supposing half the town was on fire,
rushed to the windows The door opened he ex
claimed, Gam right; Is Doctor ~ wanted here %
The porter surlily ers, No; it is a mistake.
We are all here IN good health" Unluckily, once,
msled by the darkness of the night, he went twice
to the same house The result was the infection
of good thrashing, la Langan, and the being OBJ
liged 10 keep his bed for MONTH
This was wou time. The suffering doct tor
cursed not only his own townsmen but half Of man
kind. lie was occupied, however, in curing Lis
bruises, and thus gained experience. One day a
newspaper fell into his hands. Among other re-
markabe events, such the retreat of the English
from Cabool, and new discovery in cookery, was
the announcement Of Wanted, in large provincial
town, skiliul physician. Heretofore, the only
practitioner In the place has been very elderly
nurse The increasing population and the probable
rise Of provision render the acquisition of physi-
clan Indispensable. He ought to have good know.
ledge Of surgery. The citizens being of rather a
warm temperament, have sometimes disputes, which
will furnish him with too many opportunities for the
replacement Of broken bones, and the mendng of
broken heads Apply, for further information to A.
b. The doctor having read this advertisement, felt
both body and mind refreshed. Vigor and hope were
at once resusctated. He sprang out Of bed, where
he had passed long and weary month"; upset the ta-
Bile on which lay his horn snuff box, and strewed the
contents on the floor He managed. however, to
get PINCH and exclaimed, That is the place for
me %
Great men alike rapid in resolve AMI action
BY evening he had acquired the necessary nforma-
ton as to his route, and the third day he
ted In covered vehicle, jogging on to Schoppensedt
his place OF destination. The doctor had remember
ed the proverb, 6 the coat makes tie manr-hence
his appearance was an object of great socltude,
he presented himself to the good citizens OF Schop-
penstedt. He bought from old cloathesman a
coat Of blue velvet it'll silver lace puce- coored
walscoat, and grey small clothes to these ad
ded awell powdered periwig, with suitable tail His
being received with respect and attention thus
sured; and though at every inn the landlord would
not fail to charge him double price, still his vanity
was haltered, and he was thus compensated for tie
damage Of his finances
vi me May morning, tne country clotned IN lis
richest verdure the doctor beheld at length the see-
pie Of Schoppenstedt. His heart throbbed he felt
that the crisis of his fate at hand. However, ii
was not quite so near as he supposed. The heavy
road and jaded horses determined the driver to halt
at noon, that he might thus enter the town in the
evening in good STYLE An inn only few miles dis
tant was selected The doctor alightcd and demand
ed private room; he wished to be alone. &c No &c
vacant" said the landlord, bowling respect lily
the door is open" The doc or thanked him, and
went up stairs. Misled by reverie, he walked into
No. 25 vice 26. The noise he made caused man TO
rise slowly from the corner of sofa on which he
was sitting. The doctor, not aware of his error ex-
claimed peevishly, {" Who you' What business
have you in my apartment" The Intercepted rose
up, and displayed to the querst person habited in
blue coat, studded with bronze buttons shoulder
of-mutton fist, in which was glass he angrily eyed
the intruder " am said he, ga doctor the Uni
versity of Erlangen, home ,pathist, and going
to Schoppenstedt to accept Office" 81 - replied the
doctor, 90 am doctor Of Prague, am an alopathist
and as well as you, am on my way TO Schoppenstedt
Each stood silent for a few minutes, throwing Out
angry looks. At length the homeopathic exclaimed
"Alopathy is the old eaven OF the Philistnes." Ho-
MGopathy,' retorted doctor, g is the banng OF
the devii." pause. The Home opathst excaim-
ed, g Herr, you arrogant" The alopathst re-
pied, " Herr, you are an ignoramu5."
Now, when one doctor says to another " You are
ignorant" it is if the Emperor of China said to
ing any more opium" In b lh cases hostilites must
Our heroes commenced the combat. The
alopathst, being The stronger man, at length threw
his antagonist the ground, placed his knee on his
chest, and drew from his coatpocket tooth instru
ment. The vanqushed, viewing these proceedings
exclaimed, &" What you about? Are you going tc
murder me" Be quiet" said the alopathst; :"
wish 10 show you my skill, by drawing one of your
molar teeth" The homeopathic pleaded eloquent
y for the non-disurbance of his grinders ;-vainly
however; but his good luck saved him. The instru-
ment was just placed the tooth, when the effusior
of quantity of cold water the head of them
both caused the victor to go his hold Both sprang
their feet, and man ina gray irock coat and
smoothed combed hair observing the happy result Of
his interference. Good, good" said he, 4" the pa
roxysm is over" "What is over?" said the alopa
thist, " and who are you - " | am" replied he
with dignity, an hydropathist-in German, water
doctor. am going TO Schoppenstadt. am sure OF
the appointment, for you and feel that my mode
Of cure is certain" The homeopathic laughed
heartily At length, said he, " 1t is curious colpci
dence, we are all the same errand. propose
that shake hands and proceed at once TO dinner
After re-adusting their persons, they went to the
dnng-room and made a vigorous onslaught on the
,ands. The alopathist drank bottle OF Rudes-
beimer, the homo )pathist slipped Madeira, the by
dropathist drank water. The bill paid, they pro-
ceeded to Schoppenstadt; the next day presented
themselves to the council and announced their res
pective claims for the appointment
The bergomaster rose from his seat, and in neat
and eloquent speech, explained TO them the duties OF
his Office. He spoke much 10 the purpose, that
one might suppose he had studied the art himself =
He informed them that it was the custom OF the
place that candidates for Office should give proof OF
their capaby. This rule would apply to them in
the present instance he whom they believed to be
the most skful would be appointed. "We have now
three patients in the hospitals is consumpvc, the
second mary 10 the govt, and the third has drop
sy Draw lots as TO the choice of the cure" The
doctors assented, went to the hospital, and decided
by the throw of the dice. The alopathist threw the
highest, and chose for treatment the consumpve pa
tent
The trio saw that the cases were hopeless. The
alopaihist, however wrote a prescription, at which
the apothecary laughed in his sleeve. II daily
repeated. The doctor beook himself to the Golden
CALI an inn near the hospital, and supported his AMI
NAL economy by copious nhbation and solid repasls
He promised to settle the account when he APP