New-York daily tribune., 1843-11-04
NEW 4

drank himself IN the evening, or reversed the
process, turning the bill of fare upside down. It
came all to the same thing in the end There
must be something wrong-why could not Sly
der Downehylle be happy? Who labored harder
to boil down common-pla and extract from It
the essence Of tellcity--to concentrate the soup
Of life, and to elicit essentials from their lnspd
dilution
A man laughed in the y-house-laughed
several times. What right had he to laugh IN
that sides shaking manner? Slyder Downehyllc
could not laugh-he saw no particular joke that
required 1t; but the man laughed again, and
when Slyder requested him not TO make a fool of
himself, the man pulled Slyder's nose. Hope de-
ferred engendered herceness Slyder quarreled
with the man about making so free with another
PERSONS nose, as If 1t were bell-pull or knock
er. A nose Is not much to be Sure-manv are
not-but when nose is constituted point OF
honor It expands to the dimensions Of a geo
graphical promontory-it is peninsuar-t IS a
disputed territory, over which no man can be al
lowed to march, much less to make settlements
upon 1t. Slyder Downehyllc resolved to stand
By his nose, and 50 he stood up to it, and duel
was the consequence duel according to the
barbarian custom of modern times which was
fought before breakfast. Who can be surprised
that there Is so much bad shooting extant on these
interesting occasions A gentleman, no matter
how much of gentleman he may be in proper
hours, cannot reasonably be expected to be alto
gethcr gentleman-altogether himself-at such
an uncivlllZed time Of day. a man may be val
iant enough after nine o'clock-when he has had
his coffee and mufins-he may be able to face
battery in the forenoon, and ready to lead Tor.
lorn hope when he has dined comfortably; but TO
ask one to get up to be shot at in the gray of the
morning-in the midst of fogs and all sorts of
chilly discomfort, his boots and his trowscrs
draggled with dew, and himself unsustained by
breakfast, why the whole thing is prcposterous (?
No man can be valiant unless he is warm, and as
no man can be warm without his breakfast, it is
a demonstrated fact that breakfast itself is yalor,
and that one may be frightened before breakfast,
acter for courage. Master Barnardine was right
lows There is time for all things. But Sly
der Downehylle was not more alarmed than was
right and propcr-not more, probably, than his
antagonist. How do they come on :" said the
surgeon to Goliah Bluff, who acted as Slyder's
second. The fourth shot had been interchanged
and no blood drawn. AS we'll as could be ex-
pected," replied Goah; they are approximat-
ing-the seconds don't have to dodge now, and
the principals are not so likely as they were, to
shoot off their own toes. Practice makes perfect
Gentlemen, are you ready !-one, two, three -
bang bang The man had winged Slyder,
and both were glad-thc one that it was safely
over so far as he was concerned and the other
that the affair was finished and no worse, so far
as he was concerned Further approximations
P,t ~
downright flying in the face of poetical justice,
owing no doubt to the fact that poetlcal justice
wisely lies abed till the last bell rings. But
then, as Goliah Bluff announced to the parties
belligerent, Slyder Downehylle was " satisfied"
and who else had right to complain His
nose was the feature most interested and 1t SAID
nothing, g as nobody knows on'-for it was now
nose which, when regarded in its metaphysical
and honorable aspect, notwithstanding It's rubd
tints, had not stain upon its escutcheon. The
bullet in its masters shoulder had been soapsuds
to its reputation, and the duel had been brick.
dust to the lustre OF its glory. Slyder Downe-
hye's nose actually "shone again., brighter
than ever His arn no doubt, was in sling
the same arm that had conveyed so many sings
into him, to support him, comfort him and keep
him up-but his nose was self-sustained; it had
been proved to be feature not to be handled with
iInpunity But what arc noses after all-what
are noses in the abstract-noses individually con-
sidered Slyder, in the end, did not care much
who pulled his nose, 50 they did it gently
He was engaged in solving great moral prob
lem. He left the longitude and the squarlng Of
the circle to intellects OF an inferior order 1t
was for him to determine whether it was possible
to live upon the principal of ones health and ca
pacities for enjoyment, without being restricted
to such beggary returns as the mere interest
thereof. As for content-the Z" being happy with
ones SELF as Uncle John expressed it-ths was
very fiat sort Of happiness in Slyder Downe-
hylle's estimation if, indeed, he ever placed 1t IN
that category at all. 1t was by no means strong
enough for the purpose. Happy upon water =
" ii trouble you for that pale brandy" said Sly
der Downehyle. He desired that his existence
should be one vast bowl of champagne punch
an everlasting mince-terrapins and turtle soup
glaciers of icecream and cataracts of cognac,
summed by frolic and famed by the breeze of ex-
citement-a perpetual spree"' There were to
be no shady sides of the way in his respendent
world. How many practical philosophers have
failed in the same pursuit. Is the durum pota
bile never to be discovered? Are we always to
come down TO the plain reality, at last Downe-
bye could not endure the thought" More cay
enne, if you please"
"Have you ever tried faro % whispered Spit
aikens ): there's considerable fun at faro, when
you are up to it,
spiaiikens passed the bottle. Slyder Downe-
bvle had never tried faro, but he did try 1t, and
tbonpht that he rather liked it. In short, It I'M
proved upon acquaintance. At length ne had
aLod the ultima Thule The something to
he happy With had, to all appearance, been
tound Redheffer was but goose. He knew
not where to look for the perpetual notion
the everlasting jog to the tagging spirit. But
the top OF our speed brings the end OF the race.