Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1843-10-03

is, and You cannot but be convinced, that
man was born that he might enjoy the fruits
of other mems labors, if he has dexterity
to appropriate them TO his own use. This
is the true end of our being. To eat or to
be eaten, is the first law of nature. If we
do not eat, the worms will eat us. So, to
cheat or to be cheated, is the first law of CT
vilized society. In one or the other of
these two categories do all mankind arrange
themselves. Let the youthful reader bear
this in mind. He will find it of more prac-
teal value than all the philosophy that has
ever been written.
CHAPTER II.
One of the most beloved friends of my
youth was named Snooks-Jerry Snooks.-
My own name is Scroggins--Giles Scrog-
gins. So intimate were we, that our COM
panions used to say that Orestes and Pylldes
could never have been more closely united
than Shocks and Scroggins.
We suffered about equally from the inhu-
man market women, and the no less inhu-
man farmers, when endeavorng to CRAFTY
our natural appctites in natural way, and
were united in afiliction when brought be-
fore committing magistrates for our ex-
PLOTS at the door of theatres.
As we grew older, we looked out for a
wider and nobler field of action. We were
not long in discovering that certain persons
IN the country had stored away large
amounts of mODcy.
This ,hsolu,nly too I'D I'll
Instead of investing their money in Vicks-
burg or u. 5. Bunk stock, as sensible men
would do, these cuImudgeons are boarding
1t where il is Of no more use. either to them
selves or others, than SO much money a,
the bottom of the sea. Let us rcmoue the
depo5ites.'
with all my heart said /. Nothing
can be more patriotic than TO bring this
boarded treasure into circulation. And
while we are thus beneftling our country,
we shall do an essential favor to the pre-
sent possessors Of the money by relieving
them from load Of care
With these praise-worlhy and truly
Chrlstian-like sentiments, we went to work,
and removed a considerable amount O,
god and silver from place in his barn
yard, where a German farmer had depos.
tied 1t Tor safety, to what we considered ;
place of far more security, namely, oul
own pockets But oh the ingratitude O.
the world in general, and of German far.
mers in particular! Though we relieved
this man Of load Of care, he cried GU
against us as if we had injured him sorely
And the world in general, though we were
benefitting it, by increasing the amount o.
dctirc circulating medium, pursued as
thieves and robbers, brought us before
courts and magistrates, had us convicted
aud sentenced US to long imprisonment
They imprisoned US, both Shocks and me
When we were released from confine
ment, my beloved friend and myself took
counsel together as to what way We should
next attempt to serve our country, and rem
| der our name illustrious.
Let us show the world said Snooks
that the age Of heroism is not past. Lee
us become night-errants.
Nobody advised' said |. Lord Byron
used TO say that if the stocks failed, he
meant to take to the highway, for that was
the only course now LETT fol honest men.
Our case is precisely that which Lord By.
ron supposed might be his. We have no
stocks, and we are honest men. There.
fore let us do what his lordshp said he
would do, if he were in our condition.
10 the highway we accordingly took
and our feats Of prowess were such as
might in former ages have been rehearseo
by many harp. But alas! in these dege
nerate days, knight-earran'ry is called by
the vul gar name highway robbery, and
punished as an offence against the statutes
Again we were pursued, and again caught
again convicted, again imprisoned.
When released from confinement, we
! held another council of war.
You and H. said Shocks, sarc two lit
tie julius Caesars, or two little Napoleon
/ compares. The only difference is. tina
their operations were on more extensive
scale than ours. They plundered nations
We plundered only individuals The,
spread devastation through whole countries
We have done nothing more than keep
single country in state of alarm. The
world is Inconsistent Conduct which i:
precisely the same in principle, it applaud:
IN them, and condemns in u.s.
'Yes,' continued |, sand what an utter
regard is paid to the much vaunted princi
pies of free trade, in one particular case!
What the world is pleased to call thieving
and robbing is our trade. 1t is the one to
which were appreniced, and affords the
only way in which we know how TO get an
honest livelihood. The political economists
OF high repute, from Adam Smith to Condy
Racquet, all agree in declaring that every
trade and profession is best regulated il
left to itself. Why, then make pariicu-
lar exception in regard to our businessl-
Can any one say that it is more injurious
to the community than the trade OF dis
tIller, or many other trades that might be
mentioned Surely we are both of us much
wronged men,
I'VE are indeed replied Shocks. But
there is no use in contendng with the pre-
JUDGES of mankind There are saws
DR.. Franklin but three modes of acqui-
ring wealth. The first is by agriculture,
the only honest way. The second is rob-
berry, the course the Romans pursued. The
third is by commerce, which is generally
cheating We have tried the Roman way,