The Arkansas banner., 1843-11-25
MATERNAL INGENUITY-OR TRYING TO
 HOOK A BACHELOR


 playing on the harp. Mrs. Long had several daughters to dispose of, and Mir. Short was a bachelor well to do in the world. His tenn per was little grabbed, and his wit a little sarcastic; but Mrs. Long had daughters to marry, the eldest of whom, Zephyrina, was none of the youngest. Her precise age we do not know, and if we did, 1t would not be polite to mention it.
 Don't you think my daughter Zephyrina IS very fine figure? said Mrs Long, with a glance of maternal satisfaction.
 Umph! muttered Mr. Short, as he tapped his snuil-box for the third time very much like figure 5, think
 \ figure ,. said Mrs. Long, little morti- fled, though she knew the disposition of Mir. Short. A figure ,, do you say, MT. Short , 0, now you are thinking of your interest ta- bic Compare my daughter Zephyrina to a figure ,! Fie, fife, on you, Mir. Short, you'll never get married as long as you live.
 If don't it will be no fault of yours, Mrs. Long, said Mir. Short, as he threw long pinch of snuff up his nose.
 True, true, said Mrs. Long, with look of great kindness; 1 take an interest in the well fare of my neighbors, and like to see all the single gentlemen provided for. Don't you think Zephyrina plays the harp and sings with great taste
 l think her execution is uncommon.
 am glad you approve it, MT. Short.
 didn't say l approved it, Mrs. Long; merely said 'twas uncommon-very much like the noise of two cats in gutter.
 o, you shocking man, Mir. Short, you've no feeling.
 but can hear very sensibly, Mrs. Long ; putting his fingers to his ears. You've no music in your soul, as Hand mill says.
 That cursed noise has driven it all out
 Indeed Zephyrina's voice is not exactly in tune tonight, but think she plays and sings remarkably well for one of her age, don't you, Mir. Short2
 UMph ay-for that matter, she is indeed rather too old to learn.
 Old MT. Short?
 Ay, madam, you know they learn much better ln their younger days.
 How old do you take my daughter Zephy- rina to be, Mir. Short?
 Lord! ma'am, how should I know2 I wasn't at the christening. But she's no chicken.
 As true as Pm alive, Mr. Short, she's only nine
 And twenty, Mrs. Long. Well, am not judge of these matters, but should say
 She looks ten years older than she really IS. She has very womanly look for one of her age, don't you think she has, Mir. Short !? Umph think she has some resemblance to a woman
 She was as forward at fifteen, though say it, as most girls are at twenty-five.
 hate your forward chts
 But you don't understand me. Mir. Short :; l mean she was as forward in womanly ac- compishments and womanly appearance.
 0, as to the appearance, l could swear she had been woman these dozen years.
 Dancing was now proposed, and as Mr. Short protested against shaking the foot, even though Zephyrina was ready to be his part ner, Mrs. Long still entertained him with the accomplishments of her daughter.
 Don't you admire Zephyrina's dancing
 1 can't say that Pm judge of those small matters, Mrs Long.
 You're too modest, MT. Short. It's rare fault, Mrs. Long.
 Observe with what grace she moves. really think she dances remarkably, for ono of her age, don't you think so, MT. Short1
 Umph I think she dances much better than the elephant. In fact, the elephant is 6 very clumsy dancer
 Fie, fife, on you, Mir. Short, to compare my daughter Zephyrina to four-legged beastess
 Why, that's not her fault, ma'am.
 Whose fault9
 Why, your daughters, that she wasn' made beastess too, as you call the elephant l hope no insinuation, Mir. Short.
 o, Lord no, ma'am, havn't an insinuat ing turn.
 Don't you think Zephyrina just about th' right height?
 think she's rather Long.
 Do you, indeed, MT. Short? hope yo, don't think it an objection.
 Objection o, by no means-she may b' Long, nay, as long as she pleases-l have nc objection.
 Pm glad to hear you say so, MT. Short Zephyrina is certainly rather tall of her age
 hate bean-pole.
 iION )Oui Iibiu 10 ""iA''S A'N-- the point, Mr. Short If talk of music, yol talk of cats in the gutter; if speak of la dy's dancing, you talk of the movements an elephant; if speak of tall young wo man, you immediately fly to bean-pole. That is my misfortune, Mrs. Long. We'll well, every body must have their lit tie peculiarities. Did ever show you m, ; daughter Zephyrina's drawings l Of beer, or cider' What are you thinking of, MT. short9 Why don't pretend to know, Pm sure. spoke about Zephyrina's drawing, am you talk about beer or cider. Imean he r drawings of birds and flowers, Mir. Short. I zO-ay-yes-l understand you. Just step to this table, MT. Short, and W can examine them to more advantage There what do you think of that, MT. Short That's beautiful crow. Q A crow Mr. Short-ha, ha ha. crow Why, what in the world can you be thinkin of That's robin red-breast. We'll I dare say 1t is. now you mention l