Bloomington herald. [volume] (Bloomington, I. T. [Iowa]) 1840-1849, 1842-01-28
{By Request of Bachelor
COURT SKIP IN ID .W.4IlE1L9GE.


In recently published work, entitled Court
ship and Marriage, by the Rev. J. NJ. Davis,
the question what constitutes promise of mar
rage is thus treated. We copy il for the sake
Of the interest which naturally attaches to this
subject in the estimation of that numerous
class embraced under the head of wooers and
wooed
"What constitutes Betrothment?' The
most interesting and decisive perod in the his
tory Of cour.ship remains TO be considered
We have endeavoreh TO conduct the inquirer
after truth along, from one step to another, ill
we have brought him to that point. When he
is prompted. not only by his affections, but by
regard for his own character and the charac-
ter Of his friend. to make those declarations Of
attachment and love, which, if reciprocated,
shall prepare the way fer the assumption of
obligations the most binding and solemn
What then is the nature of a betro!hment?-
And what are the circumstances which will
render it null and void
/. remark that matrimonial engagement
does not consist IN any of the civilities and
courtesies Of life, which a gentleman may ex-
tend TO lady.
that these are mistaken for declarations ofloye
such persons are engaged. Such is the i'm
prudence of friends often, and more frequently
Of the lady herself. that the common poiteness
and attention, which are ever due between the
sexes. are construed into proposals for matri-
mony and young gentleman hears the repor,
Of his engagement while as yet not even
dream OF the thing has passed through his own
mind. BY such imprudence, the lady sewers
frnp hn
honorable and polished mind and brings upon
herself and friends the modification and disap-
pointment which will inevitably follow in such
cases.
If a gentleman attended lady to church; if
he escort her to the public assembly; if he walk
with her in The street if he occasionally visit
her fer the sake Of her good society, the report
is not unfrequently set on foot, by some mis-
chief-maker or indscreet friend, that the par
ties are engaged 10 be married.
2. Neither does an engagement consist in
any polileness or social intercourse, which a
lady may extend to gentleman.
There are young gentlemen, however. Of
such eonsummate vanity, as to suppose that
such treatment is nothing less than the strong
est intimation Of personal attachment. If
lady SO much as look at them, they fancy that
it must be love affair, and equivalent to the
most direct proposals for matrimony. A smile,
d compliment, a social interview, a walk OF
ride of pleasure, is sci down by such conceited
coS-co1nbs. as the most unequivocal declaration
of love. They tell Of the coRquests they have
made, with an air of triumph, and never know
their mistake I'LL they learn it in that reverse
and neglect which their conduct so richly de-
serves.
). Neither does an engagement consist in
any of these preliminary steps, which are so
important. In order 10 just estimate of the
character and qualifications Of the person with
whom you would be united for life.
Many persons. however, imagine that every
such step is step Of committal. While the
individual is only forming that wise estimate,
and making those iudicious Investigations,
which every one is bound to make in this affair,
by a regard to his own happiness and that of
others he is considered as fairly committed,
without the possibility of honorable retreat
But this Is all wrong, whether it be the senti-
ment of individuals, or public sentiment. The
very object of his researches is to ascertain if
the character and qualifications of the persons
are such as will make him happy companion
for life. Without such investigation he might
as well commit his interest, in this manner, to
lady whom he had never beheld. He might
as well be be'rothed as are heather children by
their parents, without his consent or knowl-
edge, and while yet in a state of infancy. He
might as well blindfo!d himself, and rush into
great assembly, and select companion at
random. Parents must suppose their daugh-
tiers are little less thanangels, if :heyexpect to
beroth them IN this manner. And if young Ia |
dies are so superficial in character and accom- |
plishmentS. as not to admit of such honorable |
and wise scrutiny they had better give up the |
dea OF marriage life, and become nuns at once. |
sEch should be the sentiments on this subject,
hat every young gentleman should feel him
self al liberty to make every necessary inves-
Igation of character, without subjecling him
ef to the report Of being engaged, or Of other
han honorable intentions, if disappointed, he
ices fit to retire.
a. Neither does an engagement consist in
he most unqualified declaration of love on the
'art OF either the gentleman or lady. This
nay all be, yet TO obligations are assumed, no
contract is formed And yet there are those T
Who suppose that such declarations of attach
nent imposes an obligation on their friend,
which cannot be resisted or violated. The
,entjeman whose province it always is to make
uch disclosures, considers that when he has
lone this, he has secured by right his object
But not so. The lady may be wholly unpre-
Jared for such an event. Such disclosure
nay be made before she has made the neces-
airy inquiries and investigations herself. Such
declaration may be made when she had no
uspicion of any attachment existing, and
whilst her own engagements and circumstan-
es do not admit of her entertaining such pro-
'osals for moment. 1t is true, such disclo-
ure OF, ; ;c Part of the gentleman, imposes GER
ain duties on the female. If her circumstan-
es are such as to render an engagement i'm
POSSIBLE, she is bound by every principle to
cquaint him Immediately with the fact, and