The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1836-1851, 1842-04-02
ALEAE

* - "A Liza Zs;r
FROM THEyDIARY OFAToBAcco cHEwER.
Mr.. Editor: Do you chew tnbacco!. u
did ill last Sunday, @herel put my vet"
on the practice. The why and the where
fore have sent yon hpping that if yonn
are guilty of useing ;the Indian weed,
lrar from my diary maybe the means oi
you. *
Satu, day. Oct 10. lS4l. Took my hat
Tor a;walk; wife, as wives,are apt to.sbe'-
gan 10. Inad me with hmessagesnpon seeing
me ready to go nnt. Asked me. to call at
cousin Ms and borrow for her THE
.Sorraws Of Werler.' Hate alwife to read
such psinby siuff-bul must 'humor59her
wIiims, and concluded that had rather
she wnuld take pleasure over Werter's
sorrows. than employ heraongue in ma q
King sorrows dor your humble servant.
: Gotto cousin Ms door. Now c'us.
in NJ. is an old maid, and dreadful tidy
woman. Liketir!y wnmen well enough.
hut cant bear your dreadful tidy ones, be-.
cause l am always in dread twbile% %on on
their premises, lest | should offend their
superialive nealness'by bit Of gravel on
the sole If nv boot, or such matter. s..s
Walked in--deIivered my4message, and.
seated myself:in one Of her cane hntlomed
chairs while she rummaged the book case.
Fo, got to take out my Cavendish before
II entered. and while she hunted, felt the
tide rising. No spit box in the ROOM
Windows closed. FInors carpeted.--
Stove vanished: Looked at The Fireplace
full of flowers, and hearth newly daub-
ed with spanish brown. Here was fix.
Felt the fnod "f essence nf Cavendish ac-
cnmulatng. Began TO reason with my.
seIi whether. as last alternative, it were
better to drnwn the flowers, bedaub the
hearth, or food the carpet Mouth IN the
mean time prttty we'll filled. To add to
my misery she began 10 ask questions
'Did You ever read this book, Mr.
Yes, ma'am,' said |, in y"ice j ke frog
in the bdll"m of a well, while wished
book. cousin and all, were with Pha-
rual's host in The Red Sea. How did
you like itn continued the indefatigablr
qurris,. 1 threw my head on the back OF
the chair, mouth upwards to prevent an
overflow. She al last fGnnd The Sorrows
of WcrIer, and came towards me. 'oh
dear, 'cnusih Oliver. don'tput your head
on The chair, now don't, you'll grease il.
and take off ,hegiI.ling.' / could not ain.
swer her. haeing now lost the power of
speech entirely. and my cheeks were dis.
tended like ,hosenf a toad under nush.
room. Why, Oliver said my persever.
ling t0rmentur, uncGnsciOus of the ,rea-
son Of my appearance, you are sick, l
know you are, your face is dreadfulfy
swelled!' and before / could prevent her,
her hartshnrn were clapped To my dislend-
ed nos,rils. As my mo,rth was closed i'm
perlurbably, the ori6ces in my nasal or
gan were al that time my only breathing
place. Judge then what commotion d
| full snuff Of harlshorn created among my
offactOries!
boiled for The door. and hearty a.
cher.he-chee, relieved my ,proboscis, and
tobacco, chyle, &C., 'atl at once dis.
gorged' from my mouth restored me tn
the faculty Of speech. Her eyes followed
inp in aslunishment, and returned and
relieved my embarrassment by putting a
load nff my conscience. l told her had
been trying to relieve the toolhache BY
the temporary use Of tobacco. while.
truth 10 tell. never had an aching fang
in my head. l went home mortified.
Sunday Forenoon. Friend A. invited
myself and wife to take. seat with him to
hear the eel hra'e.l Mr.--Preach. Com
Quoted by neighbor A. 10 his pew. Mouth,
as usual. full of lobaccoi and horror of
horrors, found the pew elegantly carPeted.
whit" and green, to or three nice crickets,
and hat stand: but no spit box! The SER
vice commenced; every PEAL onthe organ
was answered by an internal APPEAL from
nv mouth for ALTERATION from its contents;
but the thing was impossible. | thought
ofusing my hal for spit box; bull c"ul;i
do nothing unperceived. | took out my
handkerchief. bu, found inthe plenitude Of
her officiousness, thst:my wife had placer
one of her white cambrics in my pockets
i s,ead of my bandanna. Here was.a di.
lemma. By the time the preacher had
l.amed Ills text, my check reachedits u,-
mos, tension, and must spit or die! /,
arose, seized my hat and made for the DOOR.
Hy wife, fconfnund The women. how they.
dog one about, imagining me unwell, [she
might have known belter.] gol up and
followed me: Are you uuwcIl. Oliyer?,