Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1842-05-31
Il II E b u LII A ND THE PARSON.
OR THE FIRST AND LAST SERMON OF IcHABoD WING
AN ANCIENT AND FISH LIKE STORY.

Whether the events Of the following sto-
ry happened in Massachusetts or Conncc-
ticut, is nothing at all 10 the purpose; it is
enough that they are positive iacts-that
is, the substance OF them; for as we got
the story at second hand. we cannot youch
(Uri III toto, butthc main facts ire SO auihcn
tic that ia the words Of Slncho Panza,
that mirror Of story telling and Squire err
rantry, body may not only believe, but
swear to the truth Of them.
lchabod Wing was the son Of farmer
in one of the interior towns Of New Eng
land. He was Il simple noddy, but he
knew hawk from q hanIsaw, and had
wit enough, sometimes, to go within doors
when it rained. With these few accom-
plscmcnts he might have got along well
enough in the world, and gone out OF ii at
last without knowing whether it turned
round or stood still; bat he determined TO
become parsOn.
lchabod got through his studies and was
deceased to preach. wasa terrible thing
n his imagination, TO preach the first scr
mon, US he was not remarkable for the
strength Of his nerves. He bcihought him
SELF of the project Of going into the fields,
holding forth 10 the cahageS, and lSncyng
each head to be an auditor. Some say he
actually did it; but this is rather dubious.
However, ii is certain the thing was done,
if not by lchlbod Wing, at least by others
in his line; and, tojudgc by The logic which
many Of these gentlemen hold to their con-
gregations, one would imagine they thought
themselves preaching to cabbage heads
still.
But let that pass Ichabod, after pom
doring long while upon the matter, de-
tcrn.incd TO go to distant town and make
his Grst essay in the pulpit. He accord
ingly managed 10 get himself dispatched
for this purpose to congregation at dis
txncc, where the minister was absent on
Journey fer the benefit of his health; a sort
of remedy for light diseases very highly
priced by the clergy. lchabod qnartcrcd
himself upon the latest looking farm he
could cspy, by which it appears he was
not such fool as to dcSpisc good living,
and possessed one instinct for which men OF
his cloth are famous.
But let that pass also. Sunday came;
Ichasod got ready his sermon with great
trcpidlation, and conned it over again and
again to make himself sure of it.
The congregation met and the meeting
house was filled, bat the minister put it of
terribly. The bell kept toIing and toIIng
ill the people thought it would never be
done. They yawncd and stared about and
kept pecping out Of the windowS-iuSt as
il they expected that he would come sooner
for that At last, Deacon Snacks go: up
and spoke TO Squire Barleycorn-
Squire, where is the minister"
Really, Deacon, | don't know. He
came out Of my house just after me, but
he walked so slow that got Out Of sight
of him."
"lt's very strange he don't come"
every strange ~
Here Mrs, Deborah Peepabout, an elder
ly virgin, who held the opinion Of Paul
PRIV, that the spirit of inquiry is the grand
characteristic Of the age in which we livc,'
and who also felt a peculiar sympathy in
the fate of unmarried clergymcn, thrust
her long nose between the deacon and the
squire, and asked:
claw me, deacon, why don't the minis
ter comeW
Then Mrs. Martha Buskbody, seeing the
deacon, the Squire and Mrs. Pcepabout
engaged in a colIoquv, wrigglcd herself in
to their company and asked the same qucs-
ton.
Then another and another, and another,
followed the example, and there was
quickly knot of people gathered round
the Deacon and the Squire, all asking
questions which nobody could answer. Ev-
s cry one was asking where the minister
was, although every one knew that all the
rest was Just as ignorant as himself.
Bill Mugs, the sexton kept tugg ng away
at the bell rope, till he had tolled the peo-
ple out Of patience. Blu! must leave the
bell ,olllng, and sexton fretting, and the
Deacon and the Squire, and the old maids
and all the rest Of the congregation, on the
tender hooks Of suspense, and go back 10
see what has become of our friend lcha
bod.
Ichabod had slackened his pace after
leaving the house, and had fallen into a
rcyery. Finding himself rather late be-
fore he got rear the church, he resolved to
make a short cut across the field where
the road made an angle; so jumping over
stone wall, he stcered directly for the
church, but had no; proceeded many PAGES
when he was startled by most savage and
musical boo-oo-ing sound, in tone OF the
deepest bass he ever heard. Lifting up
his eyes, he bcheld furious bull making