Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1842-08-03
From the New Orleans Picayune.
Scudding under Bare Poles.


There was fine old General once, who hav-
ing spent most Of his time in the field of Mars
knew very lule about the camp of Cupid. He
was one Of those rough and honest spirits, often
met with in his gallant profession, innocent as
an infant of almost everything save high integ-
rity and indomiiable bravery He was nearly
fifty years old, and his tolls were over, when
master Dan Cupid brought him acquainted with
a Widow Wadman, in whose eye he began 10
detect something that made him uneasy Here
was the result of his leisure
During his service r the army, he had nev-
er seen any thing worthy Of particular notice
in woman's eye. In fact he would scarcely
have noticed whether a woman had three eyes
in her head or only one; for no matter where
his own eyes were, his thoughts were ever
among "guns, and drums, and wounds" and
love was thing that lived in his memory just
as he remembered once reading visionary
story book called the "Arabian Nights Enter
tainments," when boy.
Well, the General had settled down into an
amiable genlemany old fellow, living alone,
with comfortable wealth around him, and hav-
ing little to do save now and then TO entertain
an old comrade in arms, which companionshp
afforded opportunity for him 10 eight his battles
DER again"
But alas, over this calm evening Of the old
Generals day, deal of perplexity was doomed
TO fall, and he soon found himself in troubled
waters, the depth of which he could by no means
understand. He foundered about like a Gagged
rat under pump, and such another melancholy
fish out of water never swallowed the bait, hook
and ALL Of the angling God of Love. The poor
General! We must give him name or we
can't tell the story, and the best name for such
story, 10 be found in tale or history, is "Uncle
Toby" Poor General Uncle Toby debated ab-
stractedly in great distraction about his new po-
siiion, and never had siege or campaign given
him such perplexily before.
AT length, however, the blunt honesty of his
disposition rose uppermost among his conflict
ing plans, and his course was chosen. AT
school he had once studied "Oihello's Defence"
to reciie at an exhibition, but made gfeaEfail-
ure; and he now recolected that this "defence"
was very much like what lie wanted TO say.
He got the book Immediately, found the passage,
clapped on his hat with determined air, and
posted off 10 the Widow Wadman with Shaks-
peare under his arm.
"Madam," said General Uncle Toby, opening
his book at the marked place, with the solemni-
ty of special pleader at the bar-"Madam :
Crude am in my speech,
And little blessed with the set phrase of peace:
For since these arms of mine had seven years pith;
Till now, some nine years wasted, they have used
Their dearest action in the tented field;
A little of this great world can speak,
More than pertains TO feats of broil and battle;
And therefore,
Here the General closed the book, wiped his
forehead, looked up at the ceiling, and said with
spasmodic gasp--"I ,oant to get married."
The widow laughed for ten minutes by the
watch, before she could utter a syllable, and
then said, with The precious tears on her good
natured cbeeks--"And who is il that you want
TO marry, Generall"
"You" exclaimed uncle Toby, fourishing
his sword arm in The air, and assuming mill
iary altitude of defiance as if he expected an
assault from the widow Immediately.
.'Wil you kill me If | marry you!" said the
widow, with merry twinkle in her eye.
''No madam" replied Uncle Toby, in most
serious and deprecaling tone, as fio assure her
that such an idea never entered his head
"Well, then, guess Ill marry you,' said the
widow
"rbank you, ma'am." said Toby; "but one
thing I'm bound 10 tell you Of, maam-I ,0edr
a rtg"
The widow started, remained silent mo-
ment, and then went off into a longer, louder
and merrier laugh than she had INDUCED in be-
fore; at the end of which she drew her seat
nearer the General, gravely laid her hand upon
his head gently lifting his wig of, and placed
it upon the tablet
Uncle Toby had never known fear in hot
battle, but he now felt most decisive inclina-
iion 10 run away. The widow laughed again,
as though she would never stop, and the Cen
eral was just about 10 clap his hat upon his de-
nuded head and bolt. when the faceiious lady
placed her hand upon his arm and detained him.
She then deliberately raised her other hand 10
her own head with a sort of military precision,
executed rapid maneyre with her five fingers,
pulled off her whole head of fine, glossy hair,
and placed i, upon the table beside the Genet
ais, remaining seated with lnducrous gravity in
front of her accepted lover, quite bald!
As may be expected. Uncle Toby now laugh
ed long with tho widow and they grew so mer-