Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, IA [i.e. Ind.]) 1839-1854, 1842-04-30


doning The point, opened to It's utmost, and out
dropped The Internal firebrand on my pate. Not
the slightest tendency to a smile sIsioiy ruined
the imperiurbabl poiireness OF The lady. She
sooihngly condoied with me my misfortune,
then gradually led the conversation to a variety
of topics; till exeriIng the magic Influence that
true politeness always exercises, began TO forget
even my own bunders. Gradually, my cheeks
burned loss painfully, and could even JOIN 10 the
cow ersatlon without the fear that every word |
uttered shared The fa,e Of every action attempt
ed. even veniured to hope, nay, TO congratu-
late myself, that the catalogue Of my caamltIes
completed for the day.
Let no one call himself happy before DEATH
said Scion; and he said wisely. The des OF
March were not yet Before US stood q dish
Of cauliflower nicely done in butter. This ma
turallv enough took for cusiard pudding, which
il sufficiently resembied. Unfortunately, my vo-
cabulary was not yet extensive enough to en-
brace all the technicali,es of the table; and when
INV fair noighbor inquired If were Of choufeur, ]
verify took i, 10 be the French for custard pud
ding; and so high my panegyrc OF II, that
my plate was bountisully laden with II. Alas.
single mou,hful was enough 10 dispel my Ilu-
sion. Would to Heaven that the chOufeur had
vanished along with it. Bat that renamed bodi-
ly; and, almost as large, and as burning as Vesu-
vius, my heart died within me. Ashamed To con
fess my mistake, though could almost as readily
have swallowed an equal quantity of soft soap,
struggled manfully on HgaInst the diabolIcal com
heap at its base, and, shutting nv eyes and open
ing my mouth, 20 inhume large masses as
could without stopping to taste II. But my ston-
nch soon began, Intelligibly enough, TO intimate
It's intention to admit more of this nauseous
stranger beneath its roof, if not even expelling
that which had already gained an unwelcome ad
mittance.
The seriousness Of the task had undertaken,
and the resolution necessary to execute il, had
given an earnesness and rnpidity 10 my exeriions,
which appetite would not have inspired, when
my plate, having somehow got over the edge OF
the table, upon leaning forward, Tilted up, and
down slid the disgusting mass into my lap. Ny
handk erchief, unable 10 bear weighty load,
bent under II IN It's turn; and great proportion
of it thus safely deposited IN my hat. The
plate instantly righted itself, | raised my per-
son; and "a | glanced my eye round the table.
and saw that one had noticed my disaster,
lnwardly congra tulated myself that tho nauseous
deception SO happily disposed Of. Resolving
not to be detected, instantly rolled my haudker-
chief together with all Its remaining contents,
and whipped 1t INTO my pocket.
The dinner table at length deserted for the
djning-room, where coffee and HgueurS
we'd round. Meantime, had sought out what
considered a safe hiding place for my hat, beneath
chair IN the dining room, for dared no, carry
II longer IN my hand; having first thrown a NOR
sal of paper into the crown, To hide the cauhow-
er from view, should any one chance, in seeking
for his hat. o look into mine
On return to the drawing ronm | Chdnced
to be again seated by the lady, by whom bad
sat at dinner. Oar conversation was naturally
resumed; and VIC were IN the midst OF an ANNA
ted discussion, when n huge spider was seen run
ming, like a race horse, up her
Take i, of'-,oko 1t ofn she circulated, in a
terrified tone.
| was always afraid Of spders-so to avoid
touching him with my hand caught my hand
kerchie from my pocket, and clapped II at once
upon the mscreant, who was already mounting
over her temple with rapid strides Gracious
beaver! | had forgotten tho caulIhower, which
DOW plas cred ov err her face like enolIeni ponl-
tlce fairly killing the spider, and binding an eye
of the lady; while ii,ie streamle.s of soft butter
glded down her beautiful neck and bosom.
Mon dieu, mon dicut' exclaimed the astonished
fair.
Mon dieut' was echoed from every mouth.
Have YOU your head? inquired one
mo, no; the spider-the spider. The fellow
has crushed The SPIDER
What quantity of entrailsn circulated
astonished Frenchmau. nncon sciousiv himself
/ Well might he be astonished. The spray OF
the execrable vegetable had spatiered her dress
from head 10 foot For myself. The moment the
accident occurred, had mechanically returned
my handkerchief to my pocket, but ITS contents
remained.
VIVA, monster it must have been!' observed
a young lady, as she helped TO relieve my victim
from her cruel situation. Il declare should think
he had been living caulltiower.'
AT that moment, felt some touch me and
turning, saw my companion who had como with
me.
. Look your par falcons. he whispered.
Already half dead with confusion the dsas-
ter had caused, cast my eyes upon my
white dress, and saw at glance the horrible
of my dilemma. had been sitting upon
the fated pocket, ana had crushed the liquid
butter and tho soft, paste like vegetable, which
had dauhed and dripped down them, Til it seem,
ed as If were actually dissolyiug In my panta-
looms.
Darling from the spot, sprang TO the place
whore had left my hat: but before could reach
il, sudden storm OF wrath was heard a, the door.
'Sdcr IRE, betei Sacr rel Sacr.r-rr rer The
in the last syllable being made TO roll like
wachman's rattle, mingled with another epithet
and name. tha' angry Freedman never spares.