The Columbia Democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, 1842-11-05
NOTES FOR A TOURIST.

ed, enthusiastic, and little quiscai son of
old Kentucky, while paying his devolrs to
one Of the famous lady tourists of America,
MADAM, you should have been born in
America, the greatest country IN the
known world; nature has clustered all her
stupendous and dazzling works upon this
| land, and you should be among them! We
have got the greatest men. the fines. men
| the finest women, the broadest lakes, the
ialles' trees, the widest prar'es, the highest
waterfalls, and The bIgges, hearts in the crea
| ton.
MADAM, 60 and see. the Falls of Nj
agara. May the Lord take liking 10 you,
| my deai ma am, il ddn't think I'd walked
up Ia futsrity, when | first seed that big
slaniendIcuar puddle, (slaa,endcular's an
algebra word, you mayn't know it, Why
madam, | could tell you something about
them ialls--but you musn't put il in your
book, COS nobody'll ever believe it. The
people that live around there all loose lher
speech, and never hear each other speak
for years, with the noise of csar, ct! Fact,
ma am. true as that's pencil and note
| book you're taking out your pocket. Why
there was man lived there ten years, and
he got so deef ne never knew man was
speaking To him, tIil pail Of water WAS
poured down the back of his neck! When
you go 10 see the falls, ma am you must do
all the taking you want 10 before you gel
within twenty five miles of them, for after
that not word OF any kind can be heard!
Then, ma'am, you should GO and see
the great cave in Kentucky, where the bas
hibernacuate in countless millions. There
is not another such hole in the ground 10
be found upon The earth -Ma'am If you
90 back E-st-"a r,.l-... ling
mammon,h cave, you''l put your foot in it
no, beg pardon, you'll excuse me--thal's
quite impossible; but you'll leave big hole
in the book you're going to write, There
is 70 end known to it, madam and there
is a salt water lake in the middle OF 1t
| twenty-five rifles broad. One ui The rooms
is called the .Anlpodion Chamber from
The unPronounceable fact that a man can
walk just as easy upon the ceiling as upon
the floor and in this apartment there's a
nalural fountain of pure brandy
The same cave, too, is positive cure
for consumption.
4 You halnI been South, yet have you
maam? you h2int seen the Mississippi
river ard the ci,y of New Orleans! Well
ma a'sm, New Orleans is a hundred and
twenty five feet below the level of the sea,
and The Mississippi runs through canal
bridge right over the city! The inhabitants
are chiefly aiga,ors and screech-owIs, the
last two words has been vulgarly perverted
into Creoe. Their food 10 chiefly gum,
procured from trees in the swamp, and
which they call gumbo. There is a paper
published there, called the Pcaroon. the
, name being well chosen as significant OF It's
professed piracies upon Kan,'s Philosophy
| Baron Muuchauson the Pilgrims rogress
! Joe, Miller, Washington Irving, and Bells
life in London. Ii is violent and stipend
Gus political print, and the government has
1 endeavored in vain to suppress it. One o
a the peculiar marks about this extraordinary
city is the entire absence of those smal
/. quadrupeds of the genus most commonly
b.. known as rats One was seen many yeari
;. ago, by citizen, who brulaly mnrdere,
e ,he unknown creature, but was Immediately
g tried and sentenced 10 be hung for TIT
e enormiIy.
d you viii hear, madam, a great dea
S about the floating population of New Or
!, leans, phrase which you will understand
d when tell you that The town is half lh'
II year under inundation from the Mississippi
$ You should have been boln in America
ms dear ma'am, bu, as you we're not, yol
may possibly die here, ,and sha,'s some con
ISOLATION 10 YOU