The Ohio Democrat. [volume] (Canal Dover, Ohio) 1840-1900, 1842-03-24
BY MlTCHENER & MATTHEW'S.
[Fsr the Ohio Democrat
A RUM 'UN.


The following scene actually occurred in the
bar-Toom Of a respectable Inn, in the central
patt Of CatrolEcoun,y, in this State.
A small, ssalov compexionod individual,
whose head iag buried in an extra abundance
oE dirty shirt collar hkelho face of pig in a
poSe-y whose eyes tesen1bled two rotten loma-
toss, slIung 10 one parent stalk, and whose
nose wps a faIT fac siffie of red best, whit
lledg4own TO poinA but abOve,all, whose head
wygtcppes stf with IN extra s9uency Of red
hsit, 10 break one of which woplds,@ ,@tove fatal
! 10 the Wearsr, because, like atstlek pig he
wuuldfun ten chances 10 bleed t69 lb,.whero
4 he would ron one of preserving ti.e9nnd health;
--entered the room whete,hobest Bonface su-
preme in his dignlfed vocation, sat at his ease
admiring the small volume OF smoke which
curIed up fromhs hsyahna; and casting down
an old, ttreadsbaf5, colt6u 'kerchie(, which
no doubt, contained his last remaining par Of
trOtOzinloonS, minus, The neither extremlnes,
and, which seemed to have lately escaped from
the, bldbdisss fold Of Ebatlons and patches, thus
aecosted BOnfdce:
IL say Misur, is the te-(unctous society,
or whaisumever you may call it, making any
headway here-a- bous?
.,B. Why, yes-its progress has been quite
considerable in this neighborhoed of late.
q. II has, has ll2 Well, may te-io-ta"
ciously drown The anii-deluvisn devil, if that
arn't caution. Since sold my old hat for
the last hornsr of Pekin~ God bless ii! that
tarna society seems TO follow mo like an evil
genus; but Pm snoozed if l. don't kick up Its
hoe. handles vet. LOIS have swig.
Is. Can't do it. Don't sell 10 any but gen.
lemen!
@. W-h>e.w! Well, now, il hat amt a
good 'un! And what do you call mel ehi an
swer me- that, mstur.
B. No genileman-lhafs sattn
@. No gentleman! Look'ye here, mis'ur,
\ don't my face resemble the face of an Adoulsl
No gentleman, eh! Dod blowyour ugly eyes!
b. 1t does, indeed, especially that long
banded snufbo attached TO it. Wondrous.
ly like spring.
. @. We'll, reckon it s--a very useful ar
iicle, too, by The way.
b. UseSdf1or-w'hdts prsy2
@. Why, various things. FIRST, ;ts use
full to laudIords-and next lr's very useful 10
my humble self 3}
B. And how 500 Be so good as 10 explain.
@. In course! You see, sly boots, that
10 hot weather, when the odor rsin' from some
landlords beds, is oncomtnonly unpleasant,
find this ERE nose vastly convenient in burn
Ing holes in the blankets TO admit free cir
cuaton of fresh air, and that's what call,
accommodatin' landlords and when | feels
my precious carcass annoyed by bed~trotters,
or slch-like varmn, why, lis a very capital
thing to burn their eyes out, and there, you
zee, lts VERY useful to myself Couldn't do
without il, 10 how. But come, let's have a
horn.
B. Pm member Of the ts>tOal society,"
Can't begin to.
@. Te-darnaon! Why, now, that's one
ofthe darnedest rum bugs ever heard Of, but,
amt you a-goin' 10 do il, boss2
B. No!
O.. Amt eh2 Well, PlI be dod rabbit if |
don't ramsquaddle your Establishment for that
'ere same thing. No liquor, eh? Can. give
III None but gentleman, eh2 Well, consarn
it, if don't make flying saamagandor of
this 'ere house, from the Five Points 10 sun
down garden fishery. Good bye, darn ye,-
and when | pawns these 'ere reg'Iar bnllt,
country-fashoued dam banner trowsins, for
horn, and think of you, may be dod blowed
if they sban't rain tears Of black strap wen
geance agin you and your tarna RUM agacious
horse>pen
Andsthus venting his spleen upon honest
Boniface, our little traveller shuffled hmse IF
out Of the bar-room, at the same time swear
/. ing eternal hostility against all te.to-tacious
Rum bugs. SLABsIDE FUNKs.
March, 1912.