Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1842-05-20

the most positive term-on the right check |
but the echo of the blow melted into silence
ere the indignant dame had seized the tea
pot and shvered il to atoms against the de-
voted head of the Dovcd Solomon.
Nor was tins all, as he was Keeling heels
over head from the effects of that awful col
lision, she piled with the remainder of the
tea straps, until there was scarcely bone in
his body which had not echoed the shocks
Of cups and saucers, and rounds of butter
toast.
Unable 10 carry tho war on any longer
for that day, Solomon gathered himself up
as well as no could, and vowng all sorts of
vengeance, stuck his pipe in his mouth, his
hands in his pockets, and then setting "A
chair in the middle of the room, planked
himself on it, and commenced wlsting
| jig to the tune the old COW died on, looking
the while as if he could bite piece out
Of the grddle without setting his teeth on
edge.
His good lady, too, being determined to
| follow the example of her lord and master
in other matters besides def breaking, plac-
ed another chair back TO back with Solo
mons, and after providing herself with
novel; sat herself down and began reading,
as if there were no such thing as beds to
make, or stockings to mend in all Chrsten-
dom.
Here this al1ectionae couple sat for six
mortal hours, each bent on sitting the other
down, and Illuminating the while upon the
pleasures of their relative positions. But it
must be confessed that Mrs. Swallow had
the best of the bargain, for independent of
Solomon's mangled head, parboiled neck
and shoulders, he was mad that the watch
dial and crockery must be replaced so that
the reducing of the first chapter of this vo-
luminous system to practice must be atlen-
ded TO with an outlay of at least twenty dol
lars. This being the case, may as well be
hung for sheep as a lamb though, lie, and
with that he rose from the chair-stoc soft
y out Of the room, and turned the key upon
the gentle Mrs. Swallow.
The turning of the key made her aware
of his Intention, when she rushed to the door,
but was too late.
open the door, this instant, Mr. Swallow
Not until have kept you for seven days
upon bread and water returned the victo-
rious Solomon, and he went on his way re-
Joicing.
But, alas how evanescent is human great
ness-in about half an hour he returned to
see how matters went on, but had scarcely
put his eye on the keyhole than he began TO
roar like a bull, for Mrs. Swallow had torn
every one of his fine linen shirts that on
his back t"ccpted into pieces, to make a
rope to let herself down from the window
nor was tins all, for upon further examna-
ton, he discovered that she had also thrown
variety of chair c"sh ,s-bcd linen. &C.,
into the dirty yard to make her descent safe
and comfortable.
Oh! chop fallen Solomon Swallow.
| The Archives Of the Swallows are silent
as to the remaining occurrences oft the event
tul day, but on the very next morning abou,
O'Clock, Mr.. Swallow popped his head
from under the blankets and said Mrs. Swal-
low in the most soothing and imploring tone
possible - Mrs. Swallow, dear, isn't i, time
TO get up|
YES returned the lady, 'and you may
call me when you have lit up the fire and
put on the tea-kettle.'
Poor Solomon! There was no alterna.
tive so he even sat about his work with al
alacrity which showed that he had the terror
of broken heads and demolished linen run
ming in his memory. In short, Solomon wa.
"A conquered man. That day he had to pre-.
pare breakfast, sweep the room, nc. The
next his assistance was required in rubbing
Of furniture and making of beds and befor,
the week was out, he was inflated into the
mystery Of washing coarse towels
n = 4
after times when the little Swallows began to
gather about him, it was whispered that hi,
better half (she was now his better half) uscC
to employ him as ye, more deeply in cunju.
gal offices.
But for this we have no proof other thar
the fact that he was he only nurse that Mrs
Swallow would trust with the children.
About five years after the celebration O.
his nuptials, friend called TO see him.
you must go with me TO the theatre
Swallow said the friend.
lie shant,' said Mr. Swallow
But he must replied the friend, and SC
must you.'
Il may, but he can't returned the dame
for he must stay and mind the Children
And Mrs. Swallow did 90 to the play, and
Solomon stopped at home, and when visit
ed that evening, found him nursing his three
children.
Oh hen-pecked Solomon Swallow
The moral of this authentic tale is, tina,
bachelors wives and old maids children are
always excellent in theory, but as bad as can
be in practice, and tina, a managed wife is
worse than no wife at all. Had Solomon
only treated his better half dccently in the
brginnng,hi might have gone on smooth.
ly to the end, but as it was, he compelled hel
TO be Tartar in her own defence, and hac
to take the consequence.
THE DUTCH FARMER.
tI,S nor an mn,