Southern Argus. [volume] (Columbus, Miss.) 1834-1842, 1842-03-01

oil cloth. III he hadn't a stamped his
foot, / should have carried away The
button and a slice of his shoulder.
Quare. never shot man but once,
and then l was baud and glove with
him.
Schoolmaster. Thea you did it quite
tenderly, / guess.
Quare. Exact; quite tenderly, yet a
leellc notion deliberate or so. l was
out at dirty Piusburg, and went gun
ming with a fellow,-kind or'lunatic
madman-wbo kept preaching consid-
cradle of poetry, Byron verses, and
notions Of that make, aud then blazed
away without caring three cents where
was fixed at the time. | warned him
of it over and over, ag'iD and ag'in;bu;
what's the use of speaking grammar 10
dead horse? AT last | was conside-
rable of eXasperate, and the steam was
up on the higlI-pressure principle, when
| wish | may be spihicated if he didn't
Gre and bit me. One of the shot gra-
zed my hand and drew blood. oh,
OH! says lam | in the military or not?
Shall | captainise over my troop one
day, and put up with such a tarnal con-
founded Insult as this the day after?
No way you can fixit,' says |. THAT
shot must call for blood, and the tip of
your finger at least So | hollars out,
kind of smart, Where air you Maori
Here | am, says the major.-Can't
see YOU says l, 'lor the immortal
heart of me, and the smoke Of that pea
shooter ofyours. Hold up your hand,
and let me see what part of The fuz-
bushes you stand upright in Well,up
pops hand over the young saplings,
fuzes, and under plants, and LIMO ways
slow, took tender aim, and carried
away the foremost end of his little fin
ger, together with a piece of his glove.
There says l,'that's what call slip
for slap, and no love lost: hand and
glove friends, and no mistake
Dry Storehccpcr. Was it that shot
of his that made such a number of
holes in your hat?
Quare. Don't squirt out any insinu-
ating remarks on my hat. These
holes were made the last cunning froI-
ic. | took a BET Of two dollars to a ftp
that I'd poke seventeen Ieclle SHOT in
to this hat blindfold, and | won 1t.
Dry Storekeepcr. Won two dollars,
and ruinated hat worth FIVE dol;aIs!
Qaare. When l was blindfold says
to myself
SchooLmaster. You won two dollars
on the oireumsendibas,or endless-rop-
principle.
Qaare. I says, There's no bar to my
feeling where that hat is So l con-
siders infinitely, and finds it.
Dry Storekccper. They only quiz
zed you when they blindfolded you;
You were blind enough before.
Quare. So when found the hat, l
SAYS, There's no bar in the wager 10
my shooting right away. nothing was
said about distance
Dry Storekceper. You were so tar
nal cute, that you overreached your
self.
Quare. Then i blazed away, and
wins the two dollars.
DRY StorekeePer. And lost three dol
| lars worth of beaver.
Quare. 1t isn't beaver it's rabbit fur.
call it now the patent ventilating
skull-cap. When Pm seized with ab =
sence of mind, these holes let in the
rain, and tell me when to put up my
umbrella. But it is time for me to be
getting back to Jericho.
american Son. How is that wonder
ful cat of yours? Has he caught any
more fish with diving?
Quare. No. He has got so tarnal
fat, he can't sink in the water, even
with a plumbers lead in his mouth
But I'll tell you Of real clever trick
he played's some rats the other day. We
have an awful congregation OF double
DO lied rats on our farnl-large ele-
phant-rats, about half a dozen to a
hundred-weight-kind of wholesale
blubbersLins. These devils are Sc
fond of rum, tEat'if you lay out a gal.
lon or two by accident over night, il
is all gone in the morning. My wife
says she has seen 'em stand forty Oh
fifty round a cask, dip their tails into
the spirits, and they spoon ii off with
their mouths, as natural as christians
We'll, this here cat Of mine, as l cal
the Brigadier General, one night, wish
ing to catch few rats, tempts 'em by
dipping his tailinto some rum, and thet
lay down before a fire quite stiff, as /
he were dead. Along come the rats
J whee wheek, cautiously, cautiously
and thinking the cat dead, attack thu
Brigadier Generals tail, for the sake
. Of the rum. Four Of the varmint haC
laid hold with all their might, eating
Of the tail, and drinking ofthe rum
when this here cat whips his tail int
i the air with such powerful spring
: that the whole four elephant-rats wer
pitched yard and halfin'o the fire
IS and no mistake. / wouln't take fv
8 dollars cor the Brioadier General. II