Southern Argus. [volume] (Columbus, Miss.) 1834-1842, 1842-05-03
A LAUGHABLE STORY.

A LAUGHABLE STORY.
Ii is well said by the Philadelphia
North American, that we may as well
laugh as cry in this world. As last
week was sad one, let this be more
cheerful. The following quizical sto-
ry was told at temperance meeting IN
Hartford, by a reformed drunkard. Ii
opens rich, and as the man has become
sober one may now laugh over his abb
surdities with double relish. He
said
used to drink, and my wife used
to Jaw me about il. What do you get
drunk for? said she; what do you jaw
me for? said /. So we agreed, and
made firm bargain that l would not
drink and she would not scold. For
three long days we held on firm--no
drinking nor scolding; but on the third
evening, being in company with some
good fellows, took horn, and when
il was down right off wanted another;
and in very short time | found my
self about" how fare you with twenty
horns safe and snugly under my bread
basket. tremendous laughters.) by
and by it got to be time 10 go home;
but, as you may well suppose dread
ed TO meet my vile like the toothache.
Laughter.) However, go must; and
so, staggered along, hoping to find
my wife abed, (Laughter). When
l reached the house, found it still
lighted and through the window | saw
my wife up and waiting for me.
Naughter.) Thinks |, l can't 60 in
yet, but / must wait till she goes TO
bed; so there i stood half freezing in
the cold rain two hours. (Tremen-
dous laughter.) At last she went to
bed, and | crept in at the back door,
stumbling over pals and chairs, but
finally succeededin getting 10 bed,
without disturbing her; (laughter;) but
after doing awhile, Iawoke and found
myself dry as a fish. (Laughter.) You
know, brethren, how dry we all used
to be in the night after we'd had a spree.
Tremendous laughter.) My wife al
ways knew what was the mat er with me
when I got up in the night to drink
cold water. (Laughter.) l harley
dared to get up, for fear Of my wife;
but my thirst was CRATER than could
bear; (aughter;) so out ! crawled, and
CROPPED very softly after the water pail
(aughter,( but no water was there.
daughter } | then felt round in the
dark, on the tables and shelves, iorsome
thing TO cool my burning thirst. (TEe-
mendous laughicr.) Soon found
tin pan full ofliquid something; seq
ed anlput to my mouth, and took
hearty dranght--.he liquor at the same
time running out at each side Of my
mouth, down my cheeks (Tremen-
dous laughter.) I thought the liquor
tasted odd, and at that instant it fash
ed on my recollection that hld fixed
some poison few a days before to kill
rats with. Tremendous laughter for
Eve mlnutes.) Horror struck stood
my hair standing on end it was death
to scream out, for my wife wouldjaw
me if she waked---- laughing and
5tamPingl----and surely it would be
death to hold still; bu, scream ] must
and scream l did rio,ous laugh
teri "What was in that PAM" You
are dry---are your" said she. "What
was in this PAM" shouted l, still lou
makes you dry;"
screamed she.----"What was in this
PAM" yelled !, in perfect agony of fear.
what PAM" "Why, the pan on the
shelf "Oh you brute! you have drank
up all my starch" Tremendous
laughter for five minutes, and cries of
Order" from the chairman.1 The
next morning my shirt collar was past
ed fast to my neck and cheeks and
il took half an hour to clear it off.