Boon's Lick times. [volume] (Fayette, Mo.) 1840-1848, 1842-11-05


knowed what was what SO put my team
IN motion, and left 'em all without husbands.
When | got home, | went down to Uncle
Zeke's house, and telled him the trouble ]
had to get wife. So uncle Zeke telled
ne of a slick gal up in Pine Hollow, that
was in the habit of goin' out to pick flow
ers every mornn' early. He said she was
short and plump, and would be jest the
thing, for she couldn', hold much vittes and
that was to be considered on these hard
times. But he sed that she was as shy a.
a partridge, and would slip through my fin.
gers if didn't take keer. That sot my in
vention goin' and sed nothin' to nobody.
went and bought passle of plank, and
made strong wooden trap, that lifted up
IN front, and ! put passle Of pretty flowers
in il. for bait; so that when she took hold
OF the flowers, the front part would slide
down and catch her like rat in trap.
So called il a wife trap, and put it in my
cart, and took it down to Pine Hollow IN
the evening, and | sot it rite down in the
spot where heered she used 20 come for
flowers. / ot it down and fixed it rite, and
then put heap Of branches behind 1t and
on its sides, so that she needn't see what it
was, and lett it there.
On the next morning, | took my coat and
went over there. When | got near the
ground, | heered a coniounded sqawklng.
and begun to be little skeered for fear
somebody would hear the noise. Then !
left my boss and cart in the road, and went
up to the wife trap, AMI found it had sprung
and the gal was in it. didn't say word,
but took up the trap, and lugged IT to the
cart and put it in. Then the way drove
for home was like lightning going through
the sky with somebody to push behind +.
and the gal sqawking all the way.
When got near the house, our foxes ran
out to see what was the matter, and when
they seed the trap and heered the noise,
they bawed out to me and wanted to know
what | had cotch. holIered out and seq
Get the best 70 Dm reddy, and put on the
tea-kettle, and cut off slice O. bacon and
some eggs. and have a good breakfast red
Idy; for I've cotch a wife," They then
hurried to fix every thing nice; but they
didn't see the wife, for she was in the trap,
and hadn't seen her myself. got cuzzen
Patience to help me to take down the trap
and bring it into the house, and mother said
she knew it was most active gal, for she
knowed by its yell that it had good pair OF
lungs. Then we brought the cage into the
house, and | went up to the trap. Every
body stood by to see the sweet crlt,er come
out when | should open the door OF the trap.
So went up very keerful, for feai OF hurt
ing her, and when raised the slide, great.
bouncing she-nigger come tumbing out,
and stared around like a cat in q strange
garrett.
'How the dam did you come hereH says
|, for was as mad as hot skillet; and
then she had the impertinence to jaw me
for saying so.
Says lido you think went to all this
trouble and expense for you, you black
snake" and swore at her till she turned
blue. So we opened the door, and pushed
her out, and te!Ied her that it ever she
sarved me SIGH IA trick agin, | would ring
her scorpion neck for her.
1t seems she was out early in the mornln
walking about, and saw my bait, and when
she went to steal the flowers she got trap
ped. So, in day or two afterwards, a bob.
BOLTON paper come out with an ALFRED
piece, and told the people TO be on thei
guard, for there was tin pedlar that was
going about the country TO kldnap niggers!
At the next bobbolition gatherin' they han
this CRATE black wench up on the platform.
and called her their beloved sister, and goi
her to tell how she had been kidnapped, and
carried off, and murdered, and sot free by Il
miracle.
But that white gal up in Pine Hollow
that sol the trap for, heered the whole sto.
ny from an old maid, and arter that she went
about the fields and groves wuss than ever.
irwin TO find trap to be ketched in. So !
took walk up that way one mornin', and
sot down on a rock. Pretty soon, heer
ell rus,n' in the bushes, and then the
sweetest piece OF woman kind You eve'
seen came tripping out, and the mint she
: seed me, she blu shed like a red cabbage
But she made believe she didn't see me, ano
made as if she was going by; but when she
seed didn't speak 10 her, she stopped, anc
/ says she--"are you the young man that sets
e traps Tor the gaIs?"
= Then felt my spunk rise rite up, and
q opens my arms as wide as could, and says
l--slhis is the best trap for SIGH sweet
:. plump, deuced little witch as you be!
! Then she run rite INTO my aims, and put he
= red, plump lips to mine. Good gracious
. how queer | felt. thought should hav,
!, blled over with Joy. felt il clear down II
: the tips of my toes, and we kissed and hug
>, geG and kissed, and how we did talk. b.
CORY, | never shall forget that time! and w
= made bargain on the spot, ane to ok he
home and we had rejoicingS from that da
until Thanksgiving and long and long arte
!, we were married. I've got the old wifi
- trap vet, and wouldn't mind loaning it GU
to any friend that's rally anxious TO ketcI