Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1842-04-20
-TY, PA, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, ls42.

He loIlOWlDS qulZZlcdl Story was tOIQ at
temperance meeting in Hartford last week, by
reformed topper. II opens rich and as the
man has become sober, one may now laugh over
his absurdiiies with double relish. He said:
81 used TO drink, and my wife use TO Jaw me
about it. What do you get drunk for? said she;
what do you jaw me for! said |. So we agreed,
and made firm bargain that would not drink
and she would not scold For three long days
we held on frm-no drinking nor scolding; but
on the third evening, being in company with
some good fellows, | took horn, and when
llla; was down, right of wanted another, and
in very short time | found myself about show
fare you;" with twenty horns safe and snugly
in my bread NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. laughter
BY and-by it got to be Time 10 60 home; but, as
you may all suppose, dreaded TO NEE. my wife
like The tooth ache (laughter) However go
must; and SO, staggered along, hoping to find
my wife abed-( (laughter) When l reached
The house, found il stll lighted. and through
the window | saw my wife up and waiting for
-Qaughler.) Thinks l. | can't go in yet,
but | must wait till she goes 10 bed; there |
stood freezing in The cold rain two hours-(re-
mendous laughter.) At last she went to bed,
and crept IN at The back door, stumbling over
pals and chairs, but finally succeeded in get
ting to bed without disturbing her, (aughter);
but alter dozng while, awoke and found my
self as dry as h-Qaughier.) You know,
brethren, how dry We all used TO be in the
night, after we'd had spree tremendous
the matter with me, when got up in the night
TO drink cold waier- aughler.) / hardly dared
20 ge, up for fear of my wife; but my thirst was
greater than could bear, Qaughter,, SO out
lied, and groped very softly after the wa
ter, Qaug ghler); but TO water was there Qaugh
teri then felt round in the dark, on The ia
bIes and shelves, for something TO cool my
burning thirst, tremendous laughter); soon |
found lin pan full OF liquid something; seized
and put il TO my mouth, and took long and
hearty draug ghl--lhe liquor at the same time
running at each side of my mouth, down my
cheeks, tremendous laushler); and so thought
the liquor tasted rather odd, and at that instant
it flashed on my recollection that had fixed
some poison few days before to kill rats with,
tremendous laughter for five minutes) Hor-
ror struck, stood-my hair standing on end
it was death 10 scream out, for my wife would
Jaw me if she walked daughter and stamplng);
and surely it would be death to hold still; tut
scream must, and scream did, (riotOus laugh
Ter. "Whal was i'll that pan!" "I OIL are dry,
are you!" said She "What was in this pant"
shouted still louder "Whal makes you dry?"
screamed she. "What was in this pan?" yelled
l. in perfect agony of fear. 'What PAM"
"Why, the pan on the shelf" "Oh, you brute,
you have drank all my starch" Tremendous
laughter for five minutes, and cries OF order
from the chairman.) The next morning my
shirt collar was pasted fast to my neck and
cheeks, and it took half an hour TO clear it of. !"
Here Mr. Brown sat down, amid the cheers Of
the whole Society.