Democratic standard. [volume] (Georgetown, Brown County, Ohio) 1837-1850, 1842-04-05
LAUGHING IN THE PULPIT.

One Ofthese times was on the follow
ing occasion: A little child, two year
old, its mother and grandmother, wht
acted as nurse, all went together one Sab
bath day, and occupied one Of those ole
fashioned square pews so common many
years ago in New England. And il fell
out too, that little pup dog had coniri
we'd to take advantage Of his membership
in The family to smuggle himself into the
same pew. Whether II was that the it,
lie pup was anxious 10 be nOurished and
strengthened with the sincere milk Ofthe
word which the preacher adminIsted, I'll
whether he might not have had his car
nal appetite excited by the sight Ofa mug
of nice good milk, which the Rrandmoth
er had provided for her little grandchld,
I am unable to say. Certain it is, how.
ever, that the little pup did go To church.
And doubt not the nice mug of milk did
cause the little fellow 10 entertain very
sinful thoughts on the solemn occasion -
am not certain that | do right to say
that he was a carnaIly minded pup, in
asmuch as in this case it was not flesh
which he coveted, but milk, which would
seem to prove him rather literally min,
ded.
However, I, have not doubt that he
was a sinful little pup dog, and | am afraid
he never me 10 any good end. Fer,
right IN the very midst Of the most pathet-
ic part Of the preachers sermon, instead
Of minding, as he ought, what the minis
ter was saying, he suffered himself To en-
Ter into evil temptation to such degree,
that he was finally overcome thereby: and
so NO longer having The fear of preacher
nor grandmother before his eyes, he
cIandestinely Ihusl his wicked nose into
the aforesaid mugof milk. aud with his
naughty lips did he begin 10 lap and drink
the milk therein, and the more he Tapped
and drinked, the deeper into the mug did
he Ihurst his wicked head, until finally
his nose reached the very bottom Of the
mug, and the milk was all gone. Now,
The little sinner was so eager for the
milk that he never stopped tor moment
to take D0tce how very clnsely the inside
of the mug did fit around his head aud
ears-so close, in fact, that when he
came TO raise up his head. the mug came
up with it, nor could he shake it off any
hov. So, not knowing what to do, he
set up futious barking, right before ell
The congregation. And the bark. was so
sudden and unexpected, and so peculiar
TOO, coming as it did from mug full Of
pups head, that II threw the old grand.
mother wholly off her guard, and caused
her so far TO forget herselflhat she gave
uuerancs, aloud, to the wOrds-"Get out
pup!"
The sound Of her own voice in meet
ing. which she probably had never heard
before in ler life, sslOnlshed The old Ia,
d. even more than lhs pub dogs barking,
s that she instantly added aloud, "There
spoke right out in meeting! There,
and | spoke right out in mseting! There,
spoke again!-aH6 | keep talking all
the time"
And now I do not think il wrong that
The cIergyman, who had Witnessed all
those proceedings from the slcred desk,
should actually burst into laughing to the
great scandal Ofall the good deaconS and
old ladies' in the CongrsgaIien.
Another occasion was as follows: have
said that the pews we're old fashioned
SQUARE pews. so that the people in differ
ant news often sat bpck 10 back, mere
" separated by low railing or diVis'
ion.
Now il fell out, ono Sabbath, that two
old deacons in two contiguous pews had
fallen into two profound IneditalionS, and
clcxed their twice two eyes, and thrown
,hsir Two heads back until their TWO long
queues dangling therefrom had met 10
sether, and we're quietly rePOsing from
The benefit Of the aforesaid in ernal medI.
,lioRn. There werG some wicked people
present who scandalOusly insinuated that
| The deaeons were asleep, but lock upon
Il az a mere persecution for righteous.
ness sake. However, there was an sw'
fal depraved young man in third pew
,ha, cornered upon The two, where the
deacons were meditating, ard what does
this sacrilegious, sinner dos Why, he
takes The two dangling queues aforesaid,
and sofliv ties them firmly and closely
together, 70! you wicked mani And then
as if that were not enough 10 seal his
perdtiOn, he takes pin and cruelty
4 sticks il into the sides Of one Of the dea
cons. Well the deacon jumped, Of course
like stuck pig, and the jump gave
horrid twitch upon the two queues ofbOtl
heads.
"Let 90 my bair!" cried Deacon No. !
"Lot 60 ny hair" cried Deacon No
10.
shocking me, are yOu!' says DeaeOl
i No. l,
AMOcking me, are yOu!'' says DsaeoI
JNo.2.