Southern Argus. [volume] (Columbus, Miss.) 1834-1842, 1842-05-03
HISTORY OF UNCLE SAM AND
HIS BOYS.
By J. X. PAULDING.


Bull, who every one knows has childrer
in all parts Of the world. But, # the truth
were known. believe he had great ma
ny fathers, though his mother was very
honest woman, for he looked like as ma,
ny people as there were hairs an his chin
But old Squire Bull had the credit of being
his fathe-. and truly there was grea
likeness between them. Like Bull he was
somewhat given to Boosting, tipplins
fighting, and sailing boats; and was ap
to hold his neiShbors in contempt, clubbing
them a pack Of snivelling, pitiful rascals
that did not dare to call their souls theil
own, or look their king in the face, as eve.
ry cat had right TO do. He took after
his father in another respect, that is 10 say
nobody could tell which he was most fond
of, making money like horse, or spend.
ing it like an ass. But for all this he did
not so much favour John Bull, but tina,
you could now and then catch an express
sion in his face that put you in mind ofevery
body you had ever seen in the world.
John Bull had christened this son of his
by the name of Jonathan; but by and by,
when he became a man grown, being a
good hearty fellow, about half horse half
alligator, his friends and neighbours gave
hin the nickname of Uncle Sam; sure
sign that they liked him, for | never knew
a respectable nickname given to a scurvy
fellow in my life. Be this as it may, his
family and all his neighbours at last came
to call him nothing else but Uucle Sam;
and all his beef, pork, and -four, in fact ev
cry thing that belonged to him, was mark.
ed with huge U. S. six inches long. As
! have great respect for universal exam
pie, | shall give him this name in the Sc.
quel Of my history, Which / hereby COM
mand TO the special attention of all wise
men of the east. AS to the fools every
body knows they are so scarce nova.
days, that l hereby snap my fngures and
defy them.
] hatter myself no man living is better
qualified for this piece of biography. Tn.
Gle Sam and ! have been hand and glove
these fifty years. Many are the bouts we
have had together when boys; many the
frolics we have kicked up among tho bux-
ON young hussies, who are now all homes;
sober mothers Of families; aud many the
bottles We have cracked together al sundry
times and on divers occasions, during
the good old days when If man did not
choose TO be'merry sometimes himself, he
did no; cry out against those who did,
Uncle Sam was sad fellow at racoen
hunting, and barbecue was his delight
until It got to be the custom TO talk poll
tics and make long speeches at them.
Uncle Sam, IN early life, gave some of.
fence TO his father about going TO the
meeting-hou instead ofthe church. One
word brought on another until John Bull
at length took to boating the poor fellow
into conformity with his notions. He
was a lad of spirit that would put up with |
this from no man, not even his father; and |
accordingly, without saying a word to |
anybody, he packed up his ali, and little |
enough it was, and marched off into the |
wide world 10 seek his fortune.
You may suppose Uncle Sam had but
little 10 begin with; but he was a stirring
blade, who did not mind trouble at first if
he could only see his way clear TO some.
thing better in the end. He set himselfto
the business Of clearing and selling new
lands. AS fast as he became pretty com
Portable in one farm, he sold out at prot |
it and set off for another; so that he was
seldom or ever more than two or three
years in the slme place. But for all this !
he never lost sight Of the main chance;
for there was nothing on the face of the
earth he loved 80 dearly as a bargain or
profitable speculation. BY good man.
agement and good luck he at last got TO
have vast property in lands, which he
was every day adding to by buying out
the Indians, or taking farms for debts that
were owing him. In short, he prospered
in al. his undertakings, and became, IN
process of time, great man among his
But TO my mind he was not
above half as clever fellow as when he
was poor. Then he was a jolly, careless,
high. minded dog-generous as a prince
and hospitablc as n Turk. He would
sw car little at times, but he never meant |
any harm by it. But as he got rich he |
set himself TO be mighty genteel; aped |
the manners of all the would-be fashion |
able stragglers that came that way; never
invited any body to his house except to
show offhis new fnery, and left off all his |
honest old habits by little and little
The fact is, and don't care who knows
l., he took to canting, and turned the |
side of his jacket outwards |
Is a turk does when he goes to court. Ma
ny people doubted whether he was any
hing the better for this; and, if | must
speak my mind, think he lost more than
he gained; for, as respects myself, had
rather a man should swear and drink
punch little than pick my pocket while
10 is scanning about brotherly love and
rood will to all men. If Uncle Sam is
l1gry at this, let him scratch his back and |
get pleased again.
AS Uncle Sam got rich, and withal stout
aud hearty as a young giant,the neighbor-
ng gentry, who called him an upstart and |
ooked eskance at his prosperity, would |
shake their heads very wisely and cry out, |
'Ah! poor man, TO be sure he looks well |
md hearty; but any body can see with
half an eye that he is not long for this
world" And then they would sigh and
AXE pinch of snuff to the success oftheir
But it happened some~
now or other that every attack he had, and
every rub he met with only served 10 show
he strength ofhis constitution, and make
i st;iI Str0n0cr ,,niiI AT last false DrOnhets