Jeffersonian Republican. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1840-1853, 1842-04-06
Scandal.

"Now let it work Mischief thou art afoot,
Take what course thou wilt"
The substance of the following is no fiction.
In neighboring village. whose inhabitants,
like the people of Athens, were much given 10
either telling or hearing some new things,
lived Squire P, q laCeilous, good sort OF
body, whose jokes are even yet matter of
village record, and have been re-told through
various editions, from folio down 10 duodecimo.
Aunt Lizzy was Deacon Snip's wlle's sister,
a maiden about fifty. She wen. 10 all the meet
ings-kept regular account of every birth,
death and marriage. with their dates-doctored
the babies-showed the young married ladies'
how to make soap, and when they had bad luck,
made every child in the house SIT cross-egged
until the bad luck changed din fine, she was
king of the village factorum-spent her time
in gong from house to house, grinding out
grisi Of sander 10 each, as occasion required,
but always concluded wlh-'lhe way Of trans
gressors is hard; poor Miss A. or B., (as the
case might 5e) pity her from the bottom of my
heart or some soothing reflection. Aunt Liz
w was very fond OF asking strangers, and others,
without regard TO time aad place. the state Of
their minds; how they enjoyed their minds &c.
These questions were generally followed by a
string of scandal which was calculated 10 de-
siroy the peace and happiness of some of her
best friends; bu she like other narralors of this
kind, considered such intellectual murder as
either establishing her own fair reputation, or
as the best mode Of entertaining The village, and
thereby rendering her society agreeable.
One warm summers afternoon, as the squire
was sitting near the door smoking his pipe, aunt
Lizzy was passing by with great speed, rumi-
mating on the news of the day, when The squire
brought her suddenly TO, as the sailors say. by
whats your hurry, aunt Lizzy; walk in The
old lady, who never wanted second invitation,
went into The office, and the following dialogue
soon commenced:
Well squire P, I've been thinking
this forenoon, what useful man you might be,
if you would only'leaye off your light conversa-
tion, as the good book says, and become Sc.
rious man. you might be ornament TO both
church aud state, as our minister says
'Why, az to that, al,n, Lizzy cheerful coun-
tenance, consider as the best index of CRATE
ful heart, and you know what he Bible says on
tha, subject-'when We fast, be not like the hyp-
ocriies, OF sad countenance, bat anoint thy
head and wash thy face taunt Lizzy began
10 feel fo. her pocket handkerchief, for she was
taker OF snuff that you appear not unto
man TOO fast,
Now there, squire, lhais JUS, what told you
see how you have the scripture al your
tongues end; what useful man you might be
in our church. if you'd only be deer as well
as hearor of The good word
'As to that, aunt Lizzy, don't see that your
professors, as you call them, are whit better
than am in private. respect sincere pro-
fession as much as any man, but know enough
of one that she is no better than she should be ,
At this inuendo, aunt Lizzy's litle black eyes
began to twinkle She sat down beside the
squire, in order to speak in lower tone, spread
her handkerchief over her lap, and began 10 tap
The cover Of her snuff box in true style; and all
things being in readiness for regular siege Of
'scandalum magnum,' she commenced her fire.
Now, squire, want TO know who you mean
the trolIope, didn't like so many curls about
her head when she told her experience
The squire finding that curiosity was putting
on its boots, had no occasion 10 add spurs 10
the heels, for the old lady had one in her head
that was worth TWO Of them. Accordingly he
had no peace until he consented 10 explain what
he meant by The expression, in private this
was dear word with aunt Lizzy.
Aunt Lzzy, will you take bible oath that
you will never communicate wha, | am about
10 tell you, TO living being; that you will keep