Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, IA [i.e. Ind.]) 1839-1854, 1842-04-16
ROOT OF ALL Is
DRU KEN S!s.
TEMPERANCE ANECD0TE.

We mus, laugh "a well as cTy in this world
As last week was a sad one lie, this be cheer
ful The following qnizcal story was told at a
temperance meeting III Hartford last week, by a
reformed topper. 1t opens rich and as the man
has become sober, one may now laugh over his
absurd,ies with double relish. He said
81 used to drink and my wife used to jaw me
about il, What do YOU get drunk for? saI6 she
what do you inv me for? said |. 50 we agreed
and made a firm bargain that | would not drink
and she would not scolj. For three long days we
held frm--uo drinking nor scoldIng; but on
the third evening, being III company with some
good fellows, | took horn, AND when tina, was
down, right off wanted another, and in very
short time found my self about show fare you;'
with twenty horns safe and snuglv IT nv bread
basket; tremendous laughter) By and by it
got TO be time to 90 home; but, as you may well
euppose. | dreaded 10 NEE, my wife like the tooth
ache, (laughter) However, 90 must; and SO,
| staggered along, hoping TO find my wife abed.
Gaughter) When reached the house, found
it sti.l lighted, and through the window | saw my
wife up and awaiting for me. Oaugnter) Thinks
], can't 60 in yet, bu, mas, wal, TIL she goes
to bed; so there stood half freezing in the cold
rain two hours, tremendous laughter) AT last
she went to bed, and crept in at the back door,
stumbling over pals and chairs, but finally sue.
ceeded in getting to bed without disturbing her
Qaugh,er;) bat after doing a while, | awoke and
fOu0u tnVsell as uFy as u LsU, ttdugHttF) Ion
know brethren. how dry we all used TO be 10 the
night. after we'd had a spree, tremendous laugh
ter.) My wife always knew what was the mat
ter with me, when We got up IN the night TO
druk cold water. OaugAter) hardly dared TO
get up, for fenr of my wife; but my thirst was
greater than could bear, Qaugh'er;) so out
crawled, and CROPPED very softly after the water
pail. Oaugh,er;) but no water was there, Qaugh.
ter;) then fel, round in the dark, on the tables
and shelves, for something TO cool nv burning
thirst, tremendous laughter;) soon l found tin
pan full Of liquid something; seized and put ii
10 my mouth, and took long and hearty craughr
the liquor at the same time running out a,
each side Of my mouth. down my cheeks, (tre-
mendous laughter;) and so | thought the liquor
tasted odd, and at tha, instant il flashed my
recollection that had mixed some poison fe
DAYS before to kill rats with, tremendous laugh
ter for five minu,es) Horror struck, stood--my
hair standing on an end--it wa. death TO eam
out, for nv wife would j,w if she walked
Laughing and stamPiug,) nnd surely il would be
deaf to hold still but scream must, and scream
did, (rotous laushter) what was in that par ?
you are dry, are your said she. what in
this panr shouted !, still louder. What makes
you drvf screamed she. What was in this pan ?
yelled l. in perfect agony of fear what pan?'
why, the pan on the shelf 'Oh, you brute,
said she. you have drank up oil my starch =
Tremendous laughter for FIVE minutes, and cries
Of order from the chairman The next morning
my shr, collar was pasted fast to nv neck and
cheeks, and i, took half an hour TO clear il off,"
Hero Mr.. Brown sat down amid the cheers OF
the whole Society.