The Yazoo Whig and political register. (Yazoo City, Miss.) 1840-1842, 1842-10-07

YOUR AGE 10 a Year, and your Height to an !
Inch. for he hath measured YOU with his Eye |
fora Coffin, and your Ponderosity TO Pound +,
for he hath an inieres; in the Dead Weight, !
and hath so far inquired into your Fortune
as to guess with what Equipage you shall
travel on your last Journey. For, in Pro-
fessional Curiosity, he is truly Pail Pry.
Wherefore to dwell near him is as melancho.
I y as TO live in view Of a Churchyard; but
to be within Sound Of his Hammering is to
hear the Knocking at Deaths Door.
To be friends with an Undertaken is as
Impossible as to be the Crony OF Croco-
die. He is by Trade Hypocrite, and deeds
of Necessity in Mental Reservations and
! Equivoques. Thus he drinks to your good
Health, but hopes, secretly, it will not en-
dure. He is glad to find you SO hearty as to
be ApOplectic; and rejoces TO see you so
stout-with short Neck. He bids you be-
ware of your old GOut-and recommends a
IQuack Doctor. He laments the malignant
Fever so prevalent-and wishes you may
get it. He compliments your complexion
when it is Blue OF Yellow; admires your
upright Carriage, and hopes it will break
down. Wishes you good Day-but means
Everlasting Night; and commends his Re-
spects to your Father and Mother,-but
hopes you do not honor them. In short, his
good Wishes are treacherous; his Inquiries
are suspicious; and his Civilties are dan
gerous; as when he proffereth the use O.
his COach-or to see you Home.
For the rest, he is still at odds with Hu.
manity; at constant issue with its Natural
lists, and its Philanthopisls, its Sages, it:
CounselIors, and lis Legislators. For ex.
ample, he praises the weather-wiih the
wind at East; and rejoices in wet Spring
and Fall, for Death and he reap with one
Sickle, and have a good or bad Harvest il
common. He objects not to Bones in Bread
(being as il were his own Diet) nor to il
Drugs in Beer, nor to Sugar of Lead or Ar
senical Finings in Wine, nor to ardent Spi
rits, nor TO lnterment in churches Neithe
doth he discountenance the Sitting on In
fants; nor the swallowing of Plum Stones
! nor ofcold Ice at hot Balls-nor the drink
ing of Embrocations, nay, he hath bee
known 10 cOntsnd that the wrong Dose wa
the right one. He approves, contra tn
Physicians, Of damp Bed, and wet Feet
lOf hot Head and cold Extremites, an
lends his own countenance TO the Naturi
Small Pox, rather than encourage Vaccint
ton; which he calls flying in the Face
Providence. Add TO these, free Trade
Poisons, whereby the Oxaic crystals m;
currently become Proxy for the EPSON one
and the corrosive Subimate as common
Salt in Porrdge. TO the same End
would give unto every cockney Privile!
10 shoot, within ten miles round Londo
without Taxed License, and would new
concur in fine or Doedand for Fast d
wing, except the vehicle were Hears
Thus, whatever the popular cry, he ru
counter: a Hereto in Opinion, and a HyI
critic in Practice, as when he pretends to
sorrowfal at a Funeral; or, what is wor
affects to pity the ill-paid Poor, and
helpeth to Screw them Down.
?, TO conclude, be is parsonage of i'll P
III, sage to the House of Life; Raven on
my chimney Poi-a Death Watch in the w;
.u.y scotia Winding Sheet in the candle.
e meet with him is om;nous. His Looks
~. ~ sinister; bis Dress is lugubrous; his Spe
'o .%S is prophetic; and his Touch is mortal
'A' vertheless he hath one Merit, and in this
-. World, and in these our Times, it is a n
:. -" 10 one; namely, that whatever he Undertc
81 u he Performs.