Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1842-04-07


ScsspAL.--A spark will 60 out Of il
self, IL you 10 not blow upon it. Turn al
Indifferent ear TO false reports or reflec
tons upon others, and the retailer OF !
will soon find he brings his wares to thu
wrong market
lobe says be likes to see young iadies
come into church when the service IS nan
through, it gives him such fine oPpor'u'
nity 10 see their pretty faces.
Jim, said Abner Phelps the other day
to his SON Jim you are lazy, what on
earth do you expect TO DO Tor living
why, father I've been thinking as how
would be Revolutionary Pensioner 7
Providence always takes care ofthose
who &C, honestly by the printer. why,
hang il, we would rather kill black cat,
land that's unlucky enough,) than cheat
tho printers. No man never lprospered
who attempted il. 1t is the 'unpardona-
bic sia,' and the Recording Angel always
makes a Numbering big black mark with
in5eli5le ink, to the debt Of every soul
that is guilty Of it. Look to this delin.
quent.
Pa, said an interesting urchn TO his
father the other day, PA, have any ofihe
stars got guns Why no, my child,
what is the reason you nsk 7 Why !
heard folks talk about going to see the
shooting stars, and | do no, know how they
could shoot without guns
Intimacy has been the source Of the
deadIiest enmity no less than the irmest
friendship; like some mighty rivers, which
riso on the same mountain, but pursue a
quito contrary course.
a new sec, is about to be founded in
New York, tho ground work of whose
tencts is, that the eyes were made 10 wear
spectacles, the noes 10 take snuff, the
mouth To kiss tho girls, and the chin to
rest on the Top OF a cane.
As an attorney and physician were
sitting together in public house, the doc
,,r began 10 reproach the attorney with
the number of strange words which the
law INDUCES in viz: 'habeas corpus,
fieri facas, cct., and amongst others
asked what was meant BY the words
locking an entail why, doctor, re.
Piled the attorney, il is doing what you
viii not do with your PATIENTS, is SUI
fsring recorery.'
Ducllists refuse to fight, unless their
chalengers are gentlemen. They viii
let black2uards live, but are DESTROYS OF
sending gentlemen to kingdom COME
The world is overstocked with the latter
description Of characters. They had
much better shoot the blackguards, and
refuse to kill the gentlemen.
Nav it please the court, and the gen.
,lomen OF the jury. We shall attempt to
prove LIST, that my clients hog did not
commit any deprcdatious on the COM
plainan,'s fence; End, that the hog only
broke three pickets instead OF SIX, as set
forth in the indictment, and 81, that my
ellen, has no hog, nor nerer had.
Geo. Stone tho very fat aud funny
clown, in his benefit card while in Mo-
bile, announces his unrivailed and beau,l-
full daughter, aud says shs is such great
singer, that she raises her voice, and
sings so sweeily that her mouth had been
taken for a sugar plIah'ion.'
Sam slick says that getting in love is
somewhat like getting drunk the more
a fellow loves the more he wants 10.
Sam knows thing or two.
Saw-dus, pills are said to be an excel.
len, remedy for the dyspepsia, if taken
in woodshed and dgested over wood
horse.
The ONLY kind office performed for us
by our friends, Of which we never com.
rlain, is our funeral, and the only thing
which we are sure to want, and the only
thing which we never purchase--our COT
fin.
They have bass singer in Ohio, who,
i, is said went once so low, that he has
never been able to get up since, and gen
,,sman so cold in his manners. that when
ever he enters room, the thermometer
falls to the freezing pojHt.
HrnERNIaN HospirALrrY.-"Stdo down,
81, down, now eat, drink, and be mer-
nv, and jist make yourselves at home,
uyerv one OF yes" said generous heart.
ed, frolickng daughter OF the Green Isle
to her guests: "l'm at home, and jist
pish ne ,sere eoery one Of ye that same"
No Fancy SKErcu.--Jim was employ
cd to cut wood by the day. The boss
came along and found Jim lifting the axe
as leisurely as ia, boats 90 up the Mis-
sissippi, and accompanying every blow
with grunt.
Slow work, Jim, SLOW
Boss, the Bible says we must use
moderation in all things
The boss was nouplused. AT dinner
Jim played his knife and fork with re-
markahe industry. The boss reminded
him of his morning text, but jim was
ready.
I've been reading in the scriptures
since, Boss--that whatever the hands find
able to d., that d. with all thy might.
Boss told Jim he was entirely too learn
ed TO chop wood, therefore requested him
to take up his hat and walk.
A PRM LADY.-She looks as il she was
fed through a quill and when she opens
her mouth TO yawn, you would fancy she