Boon's Lick times. [volume] (Fayette, Mo.) 1840-1848, 1842-11-05
1From The Alds.1
MARRIAGE OF zEBULoN DARLING

MARRIAGE OF ZEBULON DARLING.
| don't want to make town talk of my
but when there's folks that tells
heir love affairs in newspapers and novelty
books, don't like to take stunt, as il I'd
nothing to flatterize about as well as them
hats got eddication. was born and
brought up down in our parts, though say
il who hadn't ought to, seeing that lived
away from home most of the time, and had
only a sort Of speakin' acquaintance with
my father and mother and seven sisters un-
til was nineteen years old. was rising
seven years when / was 'dented 'pren,
tice 10 Ezekiel Stroppings, which is not
worth while to give the particulars, as them
that don't know Ezekiel would be too ignO.
rant for notice, like John Darling, who
thought he had been walking backwards be-
cause he got his stockings on heel foremost.
which is not the case with the reader as |
hope, though not pretendin to no great lar
min like myself, though hope don't lack
Tor good horse sense, which would be
strange if | did, seeing that my father was
run for town clerk, and would have gained
it too, if he had only kept dumb about the
fact that he didn't know how to read ritten-
hand.
Speakin' Of courtship, puts me in mind
of the women who have nickname down
in our village. They calls 'em fare sect,
and their close is altered so often that one
can't keep the run of their names.
didn't begin to look nj the women un-
til was in my nineteenth year, and then
begun at treir shoe strings and looked along
n n till n tho In ri THAR haadS Rv
gosh, these was the times that use to crawl
all over. thought 'em curious critter,
take 'em altogether; and | thought | should
have hollered when | seed one OF EN- whet-
ting her teeth with somethin' that lookt like
brick dust and a little sc.uhbing brush.
took it they were kind critter arter all, if
YOU got the rite side OF 'em, and SEEM the
Scripture allowed Of marriage, concluded
that it was best to take supply of women
now in my youth. There was none in
our parts that took my eye, except them
that was courled, and so didn't think it
worth while 10 take up with bad bargain
till it was TOO laie to choose. Besides,
had heered that there was a considerable
lot OF women raised out in ChesnutSwimp.
where one might pick up somethn' useful
IN the woman spear. I'd hear say that the
gals was round and fat, and better led out
there than they we're in our parts, so thai
when they went in tlocks the bushes were
all broken down by 'em, and the grass could
not grow under their feet, and the land was
fairly overshadowed by petticoats. I'd
heered that my cousin Job went out there
to ketch wife, and brought home a plum
per. I've heered tell how much she weigh
ed but I've forgot.
AT last | sol up in mercantile Dizziness.
was itinerant tin merchant, and that
give me good chance to pick out IA wife.
went clear into Massachusetts, and up
through Concord and Lexington, and Boy.
lesten and Lankster, and all round there.
and seed women OF all sizes and shapes, but
never found one that was quite the crltter
Tor me. wanted one that had black eyes.
red cheeks, slim, straight, and all the way
OF Digness. wanted her 10 be sweet
tempered and spunky, TO have good farming,
smart at work, and cute al bargain.
AT last got tin sign painted and nailed
up agln the tan OF my cart, with the descrlp'
ton OF the kind OF wife wanted. So
whenever stopped, the women came round
DIS lllith uS COlu COUS lOunu CllO5 anu
when was goin through town near Wor
cester, there was about forty round the
cart. They minced and pouted out then
lips, and tried 10 look monstrous pretty;
and whenever one of them took up lin
pan or other notion, she didn't look at the
thing she wanted 10 buy at all, but stucl
her lace up TO mine and tried to look a
pretty as she could. didn't speak TO non,
OF them about the marriage Dizziness, bu
laked about the notions; and at last on
old maid got oul o'patlen:e, and says She
Are you the gentleman that wants
wIie?
May be | do" says |, and puts my fling
er on the side OF my nose, and she sneaket
off, looking as down-heared as a he
scratching on frozen ground. Then tn
rest oil the women looked al her, as il the
, would bite her head of, and one Of 'em say
-'Ihe imPuden thuzzy, to 'sulta gentleman
that way - and then she looked al me. An
T other one says-'What could introduce he
10 be SO bold like?" Another one says
, "She's had two beaux 10 my knowledge
> and they both kept her company as long "a
/ they wanted to-"
= "Lawks-a 'daIsy!' says another, "ho,
e some folks can talk. You forget the dan
: cling master that run ava! with you when
: -"l'herc's--that's enough," screeched th
v tother-"and | suppose il some folks knes
{ what some folks knows, some folks woul
b not carry their heads quite 50 high"
+ All this time was looking at o nice @
!, that stood near by and didn't percely
| lDpktnn at har L..
n but she did, and she stood as still as COW
y bul presently "A long bony gal come up an
!. put her hand into the gals hair, and