Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1841-12-16
For the Ga-sa
THE OLD BACHELOR!


"a blighted trunk upon a cursed root. "-Byron.
Philosophers have said that great minds are mo-
ready minds-but verify | am convinced they had
not the pleasure of the acquaintance Of our modern
Cnlebs, H has developed great principles, and
at the sans time grasped particulars with the read
mess Of intuition. His strict logic, profound rem
soning, and astonishing genius at once refute the
sophis,ical hypothesis GSee OH bachelor" in
the last Gazette,
"His monument shall stand when Esyp,'s fall"
That was truly a valorous snap CGlebs made
amongst those common enemies of Comforts
the - social tyros.' and ''poor Bene9icts,' and
did he know the Infinite tTepidation he hns caused
to seize hold of them, he could but drop one sym
pathetic tear for their sorrow, (for be seems to be
a sensitive many and close his murdrrous jaws.
All the torments ever heaped u on Promethcus,
Sisypbus, Tanta!us and a host Of others, were tri-
aes compared to this
co.! thou knight of the lance but hull it again,
And ten to one we all are slair."
SAYS G., We knoto our comforts, aud zoe feel
ourJreedom from he pestferons siaeerye IF bach
parlor' regimen ,vkich N knops not, or he toould
hare sighed for our happiness" | presume he
knows his comforts-their position is well defin-
ed"-ihey may be easily comprehended-and, be-
lag +" like angels visits, few and far between" still
refreshing as the gentle dew, they may be duly aP-
preciated. And that he is fee, there is no ques-
ton. He enjoys such freedom as does an old half
pair of srissors-and that he feels it too, ! never
had IA doubt-snd keenly-as did the " tabled Silly
Lamb
Heaven forbid that | should ever detract the
tythe of e hair from the Bachelors erjoyments, or
in the least weaken his faith in them. My senti-
ment. lin answer CO inquiry are founded in re.-
son and the immutable principles of truth, as de-
veloped by the experience Of all ages and all ma
tions, and are almost as universally prevalent now
as when the world held but one man. " The opin-
ion,'' says c., Which prevaih more or less er-
t~snsirely. that the life Of a Bachelor is one Of dbl
ness and insipid loneliness is erroneous" So in
deed it may be TO a certain extent; but let him be-
come in truth an Old Bachelor, then says the world,
4 take care of myself. for nobody cares for thee
then will he sigh for the bright visions of his youth,
when the past was unheeded, the present happy, and
The future in prospect cheering. But now he must
pass down the stream Of time, the victim of de-
spair, under the guidance of a single stur-that of
melancholy" No cheering ray penetates the
thick cloud of his sorrows and nisfortunes. He is
as a wanderer in the Desert, without chart or com
pass, and at the mercy of fate.
These erroneous opinions" says e "hare
their origin in the teH-tale Propsnsities Of elderly
ladies" Wont he roll malisons thick and fast
from off his tongue, on those who dare thus dissem-
mate error. Does he rot feel an inward loathing
towards the unreasonable sticklers for truth-these
~sceptred Amazonsi Here follows a sentence full
of satyrs," "hobgO6iins," "eobpe6s," dust"
" disorder" and " dear derils,' 'ycle ped Bache-
Tors. Reader! has he not 6 given to airy nothing
a local hsbltation and a name" C.. then asks,
." il misery be The lot oftAe Bachelor, hoH happens
it hat they so pertiaaeiously cling tonf' C.
csnst thou tell why the Fox stretched his neck for
the Grapes, till he said, in despair, they are souri,
And hoo comes IL that the dear ladies are so
piHing TO share life cih This rcitAered ee-thi
worse half? Bah Sir.
Hast thou no, indeed precocious grown,
To know what is moi to be known"
For facts on this point, please refer to your own
and the experience of your fraternity.-But that
last expression of C.'s; is he not gifted ! of We
rity, it seemeth so-and, while great and sublime
thoughts we're sgiiating his brain, and pen,-up elo-
quence was raging with all the vshemence Of a
st~Horthwester," to s,artle his "auditory," and
throw them into transports of admiration and as.
constituent, comes the mysterious nondescript,
" Bah" For the like see 10 the venusian Sa-
tyrist,
"Parturiant montes."
Says c., The Bachelor daily ~reai=ss his o~n
peculiar felieuies, and pisAes not 10 change them
for a life he cannot appreciate" Wonderful
transcendent bliss and IT alized "daiiy," too, and
so peculiar that he would not change his Te3iei-
ties" for another life he cannot appreciate
(Logic personi6ed,) Has he learned, that wish.
ing Of all employments is the worst7" Here fol-
lows a TRADE about the T" despotism Of a family
connection" " Vhims cfa rife" body guard of
sisters, aants, mother-in-i Ian, " Kisses" '.froens,"
&c. Erudite C. did you ever in your nocturnal
perambulations see a ghost, and would it not down
at your bidding, and did it say Z" ct Ia Brnts"-
" thou art The mani" IL the sentence Of n. which