The Hillsborough recorder. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1820-1879, 1841-09-30

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ed de cheapest article Of delf thar was on
the table laa odd plaie with crack in III
and dashed il into thousand pieces upon
he hearth, as If he vas in devil Of a
passion.
":HOw Do You Ike that. Yrs. swsl-
loK!''
.Yasily. Mr.. Swallow-try il again.
| And again he did Try It. for he had be-
come desperate, and demolished lhe cream
jug.
Now" said the lady, :. lis my turn, -
and Jumping up. she sent The slop bowl TO
Keep company with lis two unfortunate
"iea table companions"
This Of course was too much for Solo
mon; il snapped asunder the only rcmain-
Ing chord Of the lille reason he had left,
and he slapped his helpmaie-we use the
word in its most positive ierm-on her
right cheek, but scarcely had The echo or
the blow melted into silence ere the in
dignani dame had seized the teapot and
shITered il 10 atoms against the devoted
head Of the devoted Solomon. Nor was
this all, for as he was rolling heels over
head from the effects Of that awful COLI
sion, she piled him with the remainder Of
the tea traps, until there was scarcely a
bone in his body which had not echoed 10
the shocks Of cups and saucers and rounds
of butter toast. m.@--.....-.-..........
Unable TO carry the war on any longer
for tina, day, Solomon gathered himself up
as well as he could, and yowing all sorts
Of vengeance, stuck his pipe in his mouth.
his hands in his pockets, and then setting
chair IN the centre of the room, he plan;-
ed linselfOn il and commenced whislling
a jig to the tune the old COW died Of
locking the while as If he could bite a
piece on, Of gridlle without setting his
teeth on edge. Ills good lady too, being
determined TO follow the example of her
lord and master III other matters besides
delf-breaking. placed another chair back to
back with Solomon's, and after providing
herself with novel, sat herself down and
began reading as If there were no such
thing as beds TO make, or stockings 10
mend, IN all Chrisiendom.
| Hc7e this aiiecticnaie couple sat for six
m,..ial hours, each bent upon sitting the
other down, and Illuminating the while up
on the pleasures of their respective posi-
tons. But il must be confessed that the
lady had the best of The bargain, forinde-
penden. Of Solomon's mangled head and
parboilel shoulders, he was AZ mad that
The watch dial and crockery must be re-
placed; so that the reducing of the first
chap;erofihis voluminols systemic prac-
tee mus. be attended with an outlay Of at
least twenty dollars. This being the case,
may a; well he hung for u sheep as Il
lamb, thought he, and with that he rose
from the chair, stole softly from The ROOM,
and turned the key upon the gentle Mrs.
! Swallow.
The turning Of the key made her aware
Of his intention, when she rushed 10 the
door, but il was too late.
"0pen the door this instant Mr.. Swa'-
low"
Mot until I have kept you for seven
days upon bread and WATER returned the
victorious solomon, and he went OH his
way rejoicing.
But alas! how evanescent is human
greatness; in about half an hour he return
ed to see how matters were going on, but
had scarcely pat his eye to the key-hole
than he began roaring like bull, for Mrs.
Swallow had torn every one of his fine
linen shirts (,hat on his back excep'cd)
into pieces, 10 make rope TO let herself
down from The window; nor was this all,
for upon further examination he discover
ed ;ha! she had also thrown variety of
chair cushions, bed linen, &C., into the
dirty ward to make her descent safe and
comfortable.
O. chop-lallen Solomon Swallow.
The archives Of the Swallows are silent
as 10 the remaining occurrences of this
eventual day; bat on the very next morn
! ing about seven o'clock, Mr.. Swallow
popped his head from under the blankets,
and said 10 Mrs. Swallow, in the most
soothing and imploring tone possible,
- Mrs. Swallow, dear, isn't it time to get
up!"
/ YES" returned the lady, "and you
may call me when you have lit the fire
and put on the kettle"
! Poor Solomon! There was no alterna-
tive, so he even set about his work with an
alacri,y which showed that he had the ter
ror of broken heads and demolished body
linen running in his memory. In short,
Solomon was conquered man. That day
ne had to prepare breakfast. sweep the
room, ST.. The next, his assistance was
reuui.ed in the rubbing Of furniture and
making Of beds; and before the week was
out, he was initiated into the mystery Of
washing coarse towels!
Degenerate Solomon Swallow!
Nav, in after times, when the little
Swallows began to gather about him, it
was whispered that his better half (she
I