Bloomington herald. [volume] (Bloomington, I. T. [Iowa]) 1840-1849, 1841-08-13

Or frowns Ger his cottage adversltys storm.
oh come like pilot of truth on the ocean,
And guide his lone bark to the haven he'd seek
And render his life in his country devotion,
As sweet as his home at the close of the week.
Short Patent Sermon.
BY "Dow JR."
The following are the words of my text
for this occasion:
There lives no goose so grey, but soon OF late
viii find some honest gander for its mate.
MY hearers-It is my intention, in this
present discourse, to pour the balm of
consolation into those fostering wounds of
doubt and dependency, with which that
unfortunate class of beings, called Old
Maids, are so severely afflicted. III, Dow
Jr., the high pressure preacher, fail in af>
fording them that consolation which they
so earnestly desire, and so much stand in
need of, their cases must be desperate in.
deed, and past medical, moral, or ministe-
rial skill. We know very well, my friends,
that women are not all geese, neither are
men all ganders, however striking the an.
alogy may be in particular instances; new
erthcless, can make an application of my
text. 1t ought to be source Of great graft
ification for that portion of the female sex,
whose hopes OF matrimony are time-tatter-
ed and teasing, to know that every gcose
no matter how old it may be-will, SOON
er or later, find some homes. gander for its
mate; and yet when tell them that the
reason why every goose finds its gander
is solely because gamblers are allowed a
plurality Of wives, | don't know but they
will sink corset.deep into despair, and give
up for lost. Yet it is so, my friends, geese
always out.number the ganders and were
it not that the latter possess themselves of
more than one wife each, thousands of the
former would be destined to pick their
grass in solitary pastures, and die mate
less. Now, when we come to allow the
necessary deduction for the havoc that war,
intemperance and other contingencies,
makes in the ranks of the male part Of
mankind, we shall always find that the
petlicoat tribe claims a vast majority
throughout the world. How, then are they
to get married unless a plurality of wives
is allowed! Now, don't like to preach
up any doctrine that is calculated to go
against the popular grain but my private
opinion, publicly expressed, is, that the
present artificial state of society is an out
rageous encroachment on the rights and
privile. es of the female sex, and that po-
lygamy is in as perfect accordance with
the laws of God and Nature, as is the uni>
on between five grey geese and white
gander. 1t was practised 10 the good old
primeval times, when nature ruled rather
than fashion; and the women were all hap.
ply then, if they were not SO wise and
wicked as now
Ny friends-I know full well that there
are thousands of old maids, covered with
the mildew of age and dependency, who
would rather have half. quarter, fifth,
or even a decimal, of husband, than no
husband at all and it is sin and shame
that such vast quantities of heavens most
precious material should be allowed to
perish in ceiibacy, because the matrimo-
NAL market is monopolzed by the miser-
able minions of corrupt and venal Gus
TOMAS the world is constituted, one
man can better maintain three women than
one woman can provide for herself; aud
posteri.y, instead of suffering in conse-
quence, would increase like grasshoppers
in the middle of August. 1t was intended
by the all-wise Maker of the universe that
every woman should have her mate, as
we'll as every goose her gander; and that
she should accomplish before death the
great ED for which she was created.
Therefore, if there be superaui,y of the
feminine gender i'll the world, they ough
to be divided off into parcels. great and
small, and every man choose for himself
according to the power of his physical
streng,h-the length and breadth of his af
fections-and the depth of his desires
Every unmarried female has an indisputa
claim upon the love of some man; ant
what, allow me to ask, my friends, is the
use Of that love unless it be boiled dowr
and sugared off in the golden kettle Of by
men None at all. You might as wei
attempt to suck honey from the contents O
barn yard. because bees do the same, as
10 suppose you can taste the true spice O
love till it is partaken Of i'll the cake o
-matrimony.