The North-Carolina standard., 1841-08-18
FROM THE NORTH CAROLINA STANDARD.
O'POSSOM AND WHISKER CHR
"Ertra SeSsinan.n

President, whose duty it is, in cases of ex,,ou
emergency to assemble the "club" to provide g
the welfare and prosperity of Whiskers. H.
meeting was called to order by the President ubo
with much gravity and dignity assumed the chair
his sublime countenance ornamented with finn,
ishing pair of Whskers and elegant curling mors
taches. His opening address was elegant and sor
stirring; and the club listened with profound a,.n
ton to learn the cause Of their being thus sudder
assembled together. We give an imperfect sketch
of his remarks
Gentlemen of the club: II rise animated bv M
common feeling. The circumstances under which
we have assembled are Of such character az to
excite and alarm us-ttS who stand alone in this
day and generation in efforts 10 humanize the
world and TO maintain the dignity and glory of
whiskers. Since your last annual meeting Gen
temen, have labored faithfully for the welfare and
prosperity of whiskers. But Gentlemen, and re-
gret to say it, that circumstance has occurred in
itself of vast importance, which threatens to frus
rate and prove abortive all your plans, for the sue
cessful cultivation of Whiskers. Club breatbless
and attentive.] One high in authority who has
been advanced to the highest dignies of the Re-
public has, the exercise of his tyrannical swav
forbade the propagation and culture of whskers
Geo. E. Badger the great, the noble, the dgniied
Badger cousin to both gods and men, and Bea
Badger the pipe layer, has forbid the officers of our
navy to cultivate and TO cherish that nobest pro-
duciion of nature-profc Whiskers. Club vs.
bly, affected. Now, Gentlemen, it is fact long
since established that our officers are the only true
ornament of our navy and whiskers the only orna-
ment Of our officers. 'Tis whiskers Gentlemen,
that gives them standing and dignity abroad 1t
is through the Instrumentality of whiskers, that
we are look for that success in our navy which
other nations are rapidly obtaining. Witness the
English navy-powerful on every sea. Behold her
officers adorned with whiskers full, ample, and a.
bundant. Gentlemen the Hon. Secretary has step
ped beyond the sphere of his duties, and it re-
mains for you to counteract the evils of his en-
croachments. We should express ourselves in such
terms as will make US to be heard. The destiny
Of whiskers in this republic, depends upon your
timely efforts. Let others prate of the glories Of
the age-of the advancement of science-of the
progress of literature, and of moral and divine truth
Let England build mighty armaments and boastd
extensive conquests-MehemitA All revel and fatta
upon the spoils of Syria nG Egypt-and decay
place his wasting and effacng finger upon the res
piendent memorials OF Grecian and Roman glory
but be it our high and noble aim. to rescue whis-
kers from premature destruction and restore them
to their ancient dignity and splendor. tremendous
applause.) May your efforts be directed towards
counteracting the evil designs of our whiskeress
and malevolent Secretary. In conclusion, Gentle
men, lay before you the order ofhe Secretary and
fondly hope that it will receive your immediate
consideration. The President here read the or
der which abolishes soap locks, limits the length of
H.
prohibits the use of mustachts &c. &c.
When the President resumed his seat, sad and
gloomy silence pervaded the assembly Eyes roll
ed and whiskers curled in wrath at the author oil
this vile outrage.
Mr.. SEipes from Whiskerville arose and sad
That his feelings too acute for utterance-
Gentlemen, said he, did you diagnosticate the
pathology of Whlskers? They have their origin
in the remotest ages of antiquity and they come
handed down TO US consecrated by the melowlDg
influence Of successive ages. The dignity and the
majesty Of whskers filled with awe the barbarian
Gauls, when they paused in their career of desOa-
ion and destruction before the Senators Of Rome
And in defiance of the sacred institutions of ages
he experience of the past and the glory of the pres
ent, this mushroom Secretary would create reVo-
ution in the affairs of time, which would envelope
in one mighty mass of ruin our happy and prosper |
ous country. Gentlemen, how are we to succeed
in war, or be prosperous in peace, if whiskers are
thus to be violated and contemned? recommend
the adoption of strong and vehement measures
Loud cheers.
On motion of MIR. -, the representative ofIhe
New Orleans "Picayune," the following Preamble
and resolutions were read and adopted:
"WHEREAs, 1t has been the object of this inslI
fution since its first organization, to nourish and
protect whiskers, and to preserve them from that
tide that has in its desolating progress swept away
nearly all the customs of the antique world, (cusnn'
venerable for their high antiquity we view win
anxiety and alarm the recent orders issued from mS
naval department-because, in our opinion, they
tend to retard the gro with and prosperity OF "h'-
kers. The concurrent testimony of all ages, cOn,
Vinces US that whskers can't vegetate unless Is"
TO their free and unrestricted progress. And to n'
end that these burdensome restrictions may De IL
moved, be it unanimously
Resolued, That whiskers are intimately assocea
led with the moral, political and civil interests Ta
State; 1t becomes good citizens to avert WIZ
ever menaces their destruction, and TO advance ''
general interest of the communitY.