The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1836-1851, 1841-12-15

ton to variety oftopics; till exertmg the magic
influence that true politeness always exercises
began even to forget my own blunders.-
Gradually my cheeks burned less painfully, ana
could even Join in the conversation without
the fear that every word l uttered shared the
fate of every action I Iattempted. even ventur-
ed to hope, nay, to congratulate myself, that the
catalogue ofmy 'calamities was completed Tor the
day. =, :,
Let no one call himself happy before death
said Soloa; and he said wisely. The ldes OF
March were not yet over. Before us stood
dish of cauifower, nicely done in butter
This naturally enough took for custard.pud-
DING, which it sufficiently resembled. Untortu-
nately, my vocabulary was not yet extensive
enough to embrace all the technlcallties OF the
table; and when my fair neighbor inquired if
was fond of choasReur, verify took it to be the
French for custard-p pudding; and so high was
nv panegyric of it, that my plate was soon
bountiully ladened with it. Alas! one single
Inouthful was enough to dispel my illusion
Would to Heaven that the choufcur had vanish
ed along with it. But that remained bodily;
and, almost as large, and as burning as. Vesuvl-
us, my heart died within me. Ashamed to con-
fess nv mistake, though could almost as
readily have swallowed an equal quantity OF
soft soap, l struggled manfully on against the
diabolica compounds: endeavored to sap the
mountainous heap at its base, and, shutting my
eyes and opening my mouth, to inhume as large
masses as / conld without stopping to taste it
But my stomach soon began, intelligibly enough
to intimate It's intention to admit no more of
this nauseous stranger beneath its roof, if not
even exrelling that which had already gained
an unwelcome admittance.
The seriousness of the task had undertaken,
and the resolution necessary to execute it, had
given an earnestness and rapidty to my eXer-
tons, which appetite would not have inspired;
when my plate, having somehow got over the
edge of the table, upon my leaning forward,
tilted up, and down slid the disgusting mass
into nv lap. My handkerchief, unable to bear
so weghty load, bent under it in its turn,
and great portion of it was thus safely deposit
ed in my hat. The plate instantly righted itself,
as raised my person. and as glanced my eye
round the table, and saw that no one had noticed
my disaster, inwardly congratulated myself
that the nauseous deception was so happily dis
posed of. Resolving not to be detected, in
stlntly rolled my handkerchief together with all
its remaining contents, and whipped it into my
pocket.
The dinner table was at length deserted for
the drawing room, where coffee and liqueurS
were served round. Meantime, had sought
out what considered safe hiding place for
my hat, beneath chair in the dining-room, for
/ dared not carry it longer in my hand; having
first thrown a morsel of paper into the crown,
to hide the caulifower, from view, should any
one chance, in seeking for his own hat, to look
into mne
On my return to the drawing-room CHANGED
to be again seated by the lady, by whom | had
sat at dinner. Our conversation was naturally
and we were in the midst of an ami
mated disc ussion, when huge spider was seen
running, like a race horse, up her arm. I
Take it of-take it off, she calculated, in
terrified tone.
was always afraid of spiders-so to avoid
touching him with my hand, Icaught my hand
kerchef from my pocket, and clapped it at once
upon the mscreant, who was already mounting
over her temple with rapid strides. Gracious !
heaven! I had forgotten the caulifower, which
how plastered over her face like an emollient |
,oultice, fairly killing the spider, and binding
IN eye of the lady; while little streamets of
;oft butter glided down her beautiful neck and
BOSOM.
"lIon dieu, mon dieu," exclaimed the as
onished fair.
Mon dieur was echoed from every mouth.
Have you cut your head!' inquired one.
No, no; the spider-the spider. The fellow
las crushed the spider
what quantity of entrails!' calculated an
Frenchman, unconsciously to him
elf
Well might he be astonished. The spray of
he execrable vegetable had spattered her dress !
rom head to foot. For myself, the moment
he accident occurred, l had mechanically re- :
urned my handkerchief to my pocket, but its
ontents remained.
what monster it must have been!' observ-
ID a young lady, as she helped to relieve my
,ictim from her cruel situation declare
hould think he had been living on caulAower.'
At that moment, felt some one touch me;
md turning, | saw my companion who had
,ome with me.
look at your pantaloons,' he whispered.
Already half dead with confusion at the disas-
er had caused, cast my eyes upon my once
white dress, and saw at glance the horrible
extent of my dilemma. | had been sitting upon
he fated pocket, and had crushed out the liquid
,utter, and the soft paste-like vegetable, which
lad daubed and dripped down them, tllit SEEM
ed as if Iwerc actually dssolving in my panta-
oons.
Darling from the spot, / sprang to the place
where l had left my hat, but before could
reach it, a sudden storm of wrath was heard at
the door.
sSacr-r-r-e! bcte! Sacr-r-r-r-re' the r in the
IL. l. IL