New-York tribune. [volume] (New-York [N.Y.]) 1841-1842, 1841-12-15
From the Metropolitan for Nov.
DEAF UNCLE JEFFREY AND THE LITTLE
OLD MAID.

NEvER was such a coEimotiOn known IN tue an
mails of domestic inoppery and broomery and scrub
berry and dustery. All good housewives know
how 10 turn house upside down, and the dw'i-
hing into which we are about to introduce our read
ers was Just in this agreeable predicsment. Ihe
curtains were down and the carpets were Up -.
fires were out and the sweeps were I'M 'ne IT,. ~
were wet and the ci-terns were dr.; ever! -
was out Of It's place in the endeavoF 70 Pe' ds.
thing INFO ii; and the whole househoiu 80
order while being putin order ana III
old uncle was coming p.l.o,l,o,,. were
,.1.asaS aJ ,nsr.bslled and drilled. Mrs
psLanharn ,ook upon herself the ONCE oil drill
seriesat ,.,ro,;no no contradiction, no
h,4f;ng mo scowling, no scutiting-your old uncle
cor,ng. Now. boys, no fighting, and troIcking
,,od Concentrating mind and put the best side out
md behave decently-your old uncle ; coming =
And now. whsre 5 Fanny CART Sheis always
out of the way when she ought to be IN 1t, and IN
!, when she ought 10 BE out of it. Can I any OF
YOU find Fanny Carr? | want TO give her some
hints and orders, because my old uncle 8 coming
A little, PLAIN uEder-sized old maid, somewhere
abont four feet four inches and half in night,
about SIX stone six pounds ak ounces IN welsht,
and complexion something between saffron and
stonebue, and dressed in sarb OF forgotten date,
vas presently poked out OF a corner by the youh.
Pokenhams.
"Fanny Carr" said Mrs Pokenham, have
YOU done those iew trinng hiugs that | desired
Have you seen fresh linen put upon the best
bed ~
"Yes. ma am
"And have you cured the chimney-board Of It's
rafting ~
"Yes, ma am"
:" And the windows from Sinking -
Eyes, ma am
And did you see that the bsot.jack and the
slippers were placed ready to his feet p
"And Mr.. Pokenham's last new dressing gown
10 his hands ~
. Yes, ma am"
And did you see that the coffee was properly
cleared 2"
Eyes, ma am.
And the chicken and bottle of wine all ready
TO be brought up
:" Yes, ma am
''You know my uncle g coming o.
HAS any BODY told any body that my uncle
coming7" asked Mrs. Pokenham.
Not soul of u.s." exclaimed omne,.
THAI , right. Why, if it were once known.
we should have all the world and his wife here in
loss than no time. The Sculamores would be
rackeung and rolicking here, and Christopher and
Kate mincing, and carneying. and barneying ind
they d try with witness, TO get my old uncle
from me-"
"They d get troublesome customer said
Miss Pokenham the first.
eyes but one that hope will pay well. Now,
girls, if you dare TO show any of your quizzin:s
and hufings and black looks, you Il spoil all. and
we shall lose all my old uncle's share in the Bank
of England As for YOU Jane, if you fall inc
that old trick you have got of turning up your
nose at every body-and you, Margaret, of curling
up your lip at every thing--und you, boys OF bad
gering, and banteriDg and worrying, why. We
shall Just be throwing away all uncle Jef's Bank
stock and landed estates; and we may as well
have them, for we have as much right to them as
any body else"
Il wish you may get them said Master
Daniel.
"MOst rare Daniel" said Master Humphrey;
=" / wish | may
Thanks to the little sister Of the primitive old
maids, Fanny Carr every thing was at length III
perfect readiness; the carpets were all down, and
the curtains were all up; the floors were dry and
the fires lit the covers were stripped from
the best chairs the sofa wheeles the best place,
the FIRE was blazing in all the beauty of concavity,
convexity, and contguity, and every face arranged
SO as TO look delighted III the arrival OF tiresome.
troublesome, cross, snarpish old uncle jeff. Theirs
came sound Of very brilliant blowing of horns;
every body strained their eyes; the Royal Blue
few past in grand style the horses p.ancing and
capering, and the guard making melody with bu.
gle horn; on it whrlcd and wfIred, never stop
ping for any body, and of course no uncle JET
could be there, and Two tedious hours were
spent in tidgetings and guessngs; and then the
slow coash was heard coming numbering aud trail
ing along, and it stopped at the steps OF The re-
spectacle house where had been all the busting
and mopping and brushing and grooming, and u
great masculine head, with thick, heavy features
and bu.hy eyebrows, and large lips, poked itself
cut of the window and looked up to the house in
question: surveying it. weli-hearth step, and
It's clean wndows, and the scarlet msreen curtains
through Them, and the bright blaze OF the cheer
full FIRE glowing and licksriag over the window
frames, with most morose, unpleasant look
whereupoa Mrs. Pokenham, and ali the tribe 81
Pokenhams, little and big, rushed cut OF the par
lor iato the hall, and OF the hall to the soo
steps, and Mrs. Pokenham begas 10 delight her
OWE benevolent heart by assuring herself and her
ansle, and congratulating herself upon the intor
NATION, that her dear, kind, good uncle Jeitery
really looking full twenty years younger than when
she last saw him.
d" Dear uncle Jefery how kind Of you to come
and see US! how delighted am to receive ,ouin,
the bosom of my atecrionate family My dear
Mr.. Pokcnham will be as much reJoiced fluid
you among US, and all my darling children have
been so anxious 10 welcome you, that they could
neither eat, drink, nor sleep fer thinking and talk
ing about you. But pray take care of the steps
they are ,lauting, and slippery and dangerous
no, that you ere in the least intrm, bu, myself
had an awkward slip from them one day. Why.
how well you are looking YOU must be craving
younger every day. declare You look more .lu
,enile than any of us. Daniel-Hu mphrey--cali
the servant 10 take Your nncles lnrenrr NJ