Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1841-01-05
SAM SLICK AND MATRIMoNY.

NOlnln, says me mlnlSlcr) James
man like woman. guess so, says l.
Yes, my son, said he, get married, and
marry soon; it's time you wera thnkin'
on it now in airnest. Well, | feel most
pauguily skeered, minister, says |, to try,
for il once you get into the wrong box,
and the door is locked on you, there is 10
escape as | see; and besides, women are
so eyerlaatin' full of tricks, and so cunnin'
in hidin' them aforehand, that It's no easy
matter to tell whether the bait has hook
or not, and if you go a-playin' around it
and a-nibblin' at it, why sudden jerk 81
ven by skiIiul hand NAV whip it into
your giIls afore you know where you be,
and your flint is fixed as sure as there are
snakes in Varginy. You may tug, and
pull, and haul back till you are tired; but
the more obstropulous you become, the
faster the hook Is fixed in, and the sorer
the place is. Nothin' almost is left for
you but to come up TO the line, and to SUBJ
nit TO your fate. Now if YOU 60 for to
take wilder, they are shocking apt to
know too much, and are infarnal sly; and
if you take n maid, it's an even chance if
you don't Spite her in breakin' her in, and
don't bolt and refuse u heavy pull. If they
are too old, they are apt to be too head
strong from havn' had their head SO long;
and, if they are too young, they are hardly
way-wise enough to be pleasant. Which
now, do you Recommend, minister, wild
der or maid? Poor old critter! | know'd
well enough he didn't know nothin' about
It, hayin' had no experience among women
II. l..
humor him, for most men like to be thought
KNOWN on the subject. Why, says he, a
lootin' up5 wse-like; that's matter of
taste, Sam some prefers one, ard some
prefers the other. $50 like human natur'
that, warn't it, squire? You never heard
a man in your life, when asked about
woman, say that's subject amt just al
together able to speak on, and we; plaguy
few know much more about 'em than that
women wear peticoats, and men don': y
It's quite matter of taste says he; but, as
far as my experience goes, says the old
man, am half inclined to.opnionate that
widderS make the best wives. Havin' lost
husband, Ithey know the slender tenure
we have Of life, and are apt to be more
considerable, more kind and more tender
than maids. AT all events there is enough
IN the idea TO put them on equal terms. |
guess II is six of one and half-a dozen of
tothcr, not much 10 choose any way But
Whichever II be, you must prove their tenn.
per first, and their notons; see what sort
of sisters and dartcrs they make; try-but
dear me! how late it is, said he, a lookin'
at his watch, how late it is! must go for
| have a sick visit. | still visit nv dear
lost flock, as if they had't a-used me so III,
Sam forgive them, all of 'em. don't
harbor any hard thoughts agin' any Of 'em.
pity EN-, and always remember 'em in
my prayers, for our religion is religion
of the heart, and not Of the head,fas poiti-
cal dissent is. Yes, must go now: but,
I'll give you word!ot advice at partin' my
dear boy. Don't marry too poor a gal, tor
they are apt TO think that there is no end
to their husbands pusS; nor too rich gal
for they are apt 10 remind YOU of il onplea-
SAINT sometimes; nor too giddy gal. for
they neglect their families: nor too demure
n one, for they are most apt TO give Won
she dodge, race oil, aud leave YOU; nor one
Of different sect, for il breeds discord:
nor weak-mlnded one, for chidrens,ake
all their talents from their mothers; nor
0 Lord says |, minister, how you skecr
"A body! Where onder the sun will you
6nd a non-such-like what you described
'rbore s:-'' ao,illv no such critters among