The Madisonian. [volume] (Washington City [i.e. Washington, D.C.]) 1837-1845, 1841-08-28
Mtsrellameous.

A Coon SToRY.-A correspondent has SEN
us the following capital story, over which we
have laughed until our sides ache:
" We had pleasant triI
from New Orleans to Cincinnati, and had scarce
ly landed at the latter place when the bell Of the
little steamer, for up the river, sounded. Ou
party hurried on board and found the diminutive
craft already crowded but, we never expect
very good accommodations on that part of the
river, and no other opportunity offered for eav-
ing soon, we concluded TO remain. Upon look
ing round TO see what chance there was for
amusement on our trip from my fellow passen-
gers, was particularly struck with the appear
ance Of an elderly lady, who seemed very i'll at
ease. Every time steam was allowed to escape
the boiler she appeared TO fancy it the prelude 10
grand explosion, and was evidently in state
of continual excitement. AS she is to be my
heroine, may well attempt TO describe her,
although shall hardly do her full justice She
was one of the tallest women ever saw, but
the effect of her height was taken away by her
immense breadth. She was one of Mcdonald
Carke's style of beauties-'with a waist like a
cotton-bag and a foot like founder Never
did see such moving mass Of flesh encircled
by petcoat; Oh she was rery fat. Upon
inquiry learned that she was a passenger on
the steamboat F., at the time it was burned
a few years before, and narrowly escaped with
her life Only few weeks had elapsed since
the catastrophe of the Ben. Sherrod, by which
some scores of helpless mortas were hurried in
to eternity through the combined agency Of fire
and water. What wonder that the woman was
alarmed at the prospect of steamboat voyage!
"After we left the landing the principal topic
Of conversation among the passengers was the
numerous accidents which had lately happened.
Nearly every person was equipped with life.
preserver and some were so cautious as TO hang
them up in their berths filed with air and ready
for use at moments warning. Night came,
and all were snugly ensconced in their berths,
when there arose cry of fire! The wood on
the bow of the boat had caught fire, and was
blazing fiercely up, shining through the glass
doors of the social hall and the cabin windows
until the whole boat seemed enveoped in sheet
of flame. In an instant all was confusion and
alarm Passengers tumbled out of their berths,
and over one another; some grasped their pre-
servers--some ran for their baggage-some for
their wives-the wise ones kept quiet In the
midst of the hubbub, the doors of the ladies'
cabin flew wide open, and out burst bur fat lady,
dressed all in white, her face "a map whereon
terror was drawn in all its shapes, and around
her waist huge life preserver, not inflated
Selling this by the nipple with both hands, she
rushed from one TO another excaming in voice
Of agony, biow me up! biop me up! for Gods
sake bioic me upU will nobody bioao me mp p
Had the old lady actually exploded, must have
done as did, roll on the floor in fit of mex
tinguishable laughter, with half the witnesses of
the scene for my companions. The boat was
stopped, the fire got under, and, not the least
difficult operation, the fat lady's alarm subdued
The next day we landed her at her place of des-
tination, since which time have never seen her.
but the recollection of the scene has cost me
many a fit of the side ache.
Yours, truly, ~ S."