The Madisonian. [volume] (Washington City [i.e. Washington, D.C.]) 1837-1845, 1841-01-07
ONE WHO DIED WITHOUT LIVING

M. Paul Legrand died few weeks ago at
DIXON, in Burgundy, at the age Of II, leaving
the following memoir, whereby he proves that
he had not lived:
All that is suffering, sorrow, ennui, despair,
desire, regret, should be deducted from life, be-
cause we should ourselves have deducted it had
heaven permitted. When three years old was
weaned, at six could speak but badly-at seven
l split my skull at nine was cured | must
therefore, extract nine years from my existence;
| for surely to drink nurses sour milk, not to
speak, speak badly, and to split ones skull, is
not living At the age of nine began my stu
dies Owing to my cracked skull, my head was
hard one, and proved stubborn to tuition. |
required two years labor to spell the alphabet
| was indebted to letter z alone for about four
scoie hundred lashes; the other twenty three
letters made complete martyr of me. AT the
age Of twelve could read, but my body was
mangled with the alphabet scars. An attempt
was made TO teach me Latin, and lost my
French in the experiment. AT fifteen knew
nothing at all, and forced diet of bread and
water had reduced me to the condition of skel-
eton Six years more are therefore TO be de-
Quoted. AT sixteen my father made me nota-
RVS clerk. There commenced a new species
of martyrdom. got up at six, swept the office,
lighted the stove, was drubbed by the talerclerks
and my father, overwhelmed with complaints
about me, deprived me Of my dinner. This
sort of life led for five years, and from my life
Twill positively deduct them. At twenty my
father, quite disguised with his son, put me on
board ship at Cherbourg. | washed the deck,
crept up the topmast, mended the sails, and re-
ceived thirty lashes day upon my back. This
was endured four years.
A, twenty -four my father made me haber-
dasher. | married Mademoiselle Ursule Des-
vosins, turner's daughter; her portion consist
ed Of 10000 lvers mortgaged upon a sugar es-
tate at st. Domingo. The day after the wed
ding found out that my wife had wooden
leg, made by my father-in-law, the turner. The
poor woman made thousand apologies for her
inirmty, and pardoned her out Of regard to
her marriage portion. The st. Domingo blacks
rose against the whites, burnt the marriage por-
ton, and the wooden leg was all that was left to
me. AT thirty lost my wife, in consequence
of scrofula disease in her real leg. spent six
years OF marriage repenting every minute
What folly committed in taking that leg
therefore deduct those six years from my life
Having, as every body else, slept third part Of
my life, ! deduct "a years of sleep, and / am be-
low the right reckoning, for was great sleep
er. A year lost, adding minute to minute, in
searching for the keys of my desk, which was
continually mislaying. Does one live when one
looks for key? Three years lost in having
myself shaved, powdered, &c. Five years lost
in suffering the tooth-ache, two inhammations
of the chest, with relapses and convalescence.
Three years lost in saying whats o'clock 2"
"We have had bad weather to-day" "How do
you do? 2" "How is your lady ~ 81 have had
bad cold" Marlborough sen va-t-en guerre-
what mud in the streets-what a winter this
year," Six months lost in having the mud
brushed off one, and six in brushing ones hat.
One year Of endurance of the entr'actes at the
theatre. One year lost in listening TO the mod
ern dramas, the chefs d9urre of genius not IN
derstood. One year lost in complaining of salt
and tasteless SOUPS, of outlets too much or un-
derdone, of indigestion Of hard eggs. Total al
years beg leave TO declare that in giving up
the ghost do not give upany thing worth keep
inc