The Hillsborough recorder. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1820-1879, 1841-09-30

ne servant hasn't been here Ills
morning" answered Mrs. Swallow.
Servant" retOrled Mr.. Swallow. !. /
discharged him yesterday. You don't
suppose thai can Afford 10 keen ! ser.
yanl and wife too"
The lady was again posed, and said
!. nothing, bat The day had worn 10 ! close
before she could bring herselflo lhe belief
that Dir. Swallow had actually made use
Of The words strrGRf and lrife in the same
sentence.
The next morning al six o'clock Mr..
Swallow again informed his wife that il
was time 10 get up, coupling bis remarks
with the suggestion that IN future she must
save him the trouble Of reminding her cf
50 necessary duly.
Mrs. Swallow, however, benefited no.
thing BIZ this soft insinnalion, for al that
moment she either was or pretended 10
be last locked in the arms Of Morpheus.
/" Don't you hear, Mrs. Swallow"
qa0lh Mr. swallow.
Bat alas! a. slightly conscious snore
was ihe only response VOuehsafed by Mrs.
Swallow.
Now ibis was iicklish point with Solo
mon, but he was prepared ioril-" What
says my system on this head!" said he 10
himself. masingly. Ill says that law
wife, who lays abcd in The morning, may
be very probably reminded Of her duty
BY the judiciOus application Of concor
pin" And this magnificent idea lad
scarcely crossed the threshold ofhis brain
pan, than he inserted the point of a huge
pin into his dreamy helpmate's propria
persona. As may be expected. the in
tended effect instantly followed the cause,
for the aslonished Mrs. Swallow sprang
from the bed as though she had been
thrown from il BY an earthquake; but alas,
her ABILITY was even too s,rikingly mani.
tested, for she not only all but annihilaled
poor Mr.. Solomon IN rolling over him,
but she dashed his patent lever from nail
which suspended il from the wall, and
broke the dial into thousand pieces.
"What dreadful dream," calculated
Mrs. Swallow, pressing her hand on her
wounded proportions.
"What dreadful reality" shouted
Mr.. Sallow, contemplating the fragile
mass Of his demolished time piece.
"Now Mrs. Swallow" said Solomon,
/" seeing that cant always be awake 10
call you rp in the morning. or eat burnt
Toast, or drink raw tea, &c. III time that
! should begin 10 instruci youin your dn
ties.n
Aud what are these, Mr.. Swallow.
BE silcn! madam, if you please. Not
10 talk, bat to listen, is one Of the :nosl
important Of them
Proceed, sir
And Mr.. swallow, looking daggers at
her for this second interruption, proceeded
From six to eight you are TO get up,
dress quietly, so as 10 create no distur-
bance, light fire, air shirts and stockings,
sweep room, prepare breakfast aud an
noanca the perfection thereof. Eight till
ten, wash Tea things, make beds, rub
furniture and clean windows. Ten 10
twelve, 90 to market and prepare dinner.
Twelve I'LL two derote to dis.l washing,
sweeping up and rubbing furniture. Two
till six, spinning, mcnding shirts and darn
ing stockings. Seven, tea. From that
till nine, a Serond course OF mendipg and
tlarning-and then to bed! And this daily
course, madam, with a strict observance
of the rules Of ciyiliiy, frugali'y, decorum,
obedience, may in time enable you TO do
honor TO the choice Of Mr.. Solomon Swal-
low"
Mrs. Swallow listened quietly TO The
end, and then mildly inquired, And do
you really expect this Of me, Mr.. Swal-
low!"
ITO be sure l do" responded her
spouse.
Then you'll he sadly disappointed,
70; I'll do no such thing
/ MOI"
NE"
live a way to make YOU"
| "Howg
"Spoon Observation-Disclosures cow
hide"
"Mr. Swallow"
WHAT
You're a brute"
And Mrs. Swallow threw herself hack
and looked desperate.
Now this was a climax. Mr.. Swallow
was called ga brute" at his own fireside,
and by his own wife, which was worst of
all. lie, Solomon Swallow, the celeSrat-
ell founder of system of matrimonial OBJ
servations, called "a BRUTE" and by no
: less person than Mrs. Swallow. AT first
he was SD much astonished at such open
manifestations of rebellion TO his royal
will. that he could only look aghast; but
when he came to himself, he saw that
something must be done at oace, or the
field was lost forever.
You called me brute, Mrt. Swal-
low"
Il did, Mr.. Swallow"
!, "a brute"