Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1841-04-06
SCANDAL.

ihhaDltants, Ike Inc g@Od people oil Alnens
were much given 10 "ether tell or hear
something new" lives Squire p. a face
tious, good sort Of body, whose jokes are
even yet matter Of village record, and
has been retold through various editions,
from folio down 10 duodccimo.
Aunt Lizzy was Deacon Snipe's wife's
sster-a maiden lady Of about h(ty-she
went to all the meetings-kept a regular
account of every birth, death, marriage,
with her datcs-doctored all the babies and
knew every yurd, in the neighborhood-
Showed the young married women how to
make soap, and when they had bad luck,
made every child in the house sit cross
legged until the,bad luck changed. In fine,
she was kind Of village factotum--spent
her time in going from house to house
grinding grist of SANDER to each, as &C.
casion required, but always concluded with
"they way Of tranSgressors is hard, poor
Mrs. A. or B. Gas the case might be- lPi-
ty her from the bottom Of my heart, or
some such soothing reflection. Aunt Lii
zy was very fond Of asking strangers and
others without regard 10 time or place, the
state Of their minds, how they enjoyed their
minds, &c. These questions were gene
rally followed by string Of scandal which
was calculated to destroy the peace and
happiness Of some Of her best friends, but
she like all other narrators, consider such
intellectual murder as eitEer establishing
her own fair reputation, or as the mode of
entertaining the village, and thereby rem
der her society agreeable.
One warm summers afternoon, as the
squireswas sitting near the door smoking
his pipe, Aunt Lizzy was passing by with
great speed, Illuminating on the news OF the
day, when the squire brought her sudden
ly TO, as the sailors say, by what's your
hurry, Aunt Lizzy? walk in,". The old
lady, who never wanted a second invita-
ton, went into the office and the following
dialogue soon commenced.
well, squire p, have been thinking
this forenoon what useful man you mi ght
be, if you'd only leave off your light con-
versation, and as the good book says, and
become a serious man-you might be an
ornament to both church and state, as our
minister says
why, as to that Aunt Lizzy, a cheer
full countenance ! consider Us the best in
dex of "a grateful heart, and you know what
the bible says on that subect:-' W hen ye
fast be not like the hyPocriteS, Of sad
countenancc; but anoint thy head and wash
thy face, Aunt Lizzy began TO feel for
her pocket handkerchief, for she was a
takcr Of snuff that you appear not unto
mon too fast
Now, there, squire, that's just what |
told you-see how you have the Scripter
at your tongues end; what Il useful man
you might be in our church if you'd only
be doer IS we'll as hcarer Of the COS
pol.'
.As to that, Aunt Lizzy, dom, see that
your professors as you call them, are whit
better than am in private. respect a
sincere profession as much as any man,
but know enough Of ONE of your church
whom you think great deal Of, to know
that she as no better than she should be-
At these inuendoes, Aunt Lizzy's little
black eyes began to twinkle; she sat down
beside the squire, in order to speak in q
lower tone-spread her handkerchief over
her lap, and began to tap the cover Of her
snuff box in true style, and all things be-
ing in readiness for a regular seige of
scandulum magnatum,' she commenced
fire.
Now squire, want to know who you
mean by one Of our churchill know who
you mean-the troIlop; Idid'nt like so ma
ny curIs about her head when she told Of
her experienced
The Squire finding curiosity was put
ting on his boots, had no occasion TO add
spurs 10 the heels, for the old lady had one
in her head that was worth two of them
Accordingly he had no peace until he con-
scented TO explain what he meant by the
expression in priraie,' this was dear
word with Aunt Lizzy.
Now. Aunt Lizzy, will you take BIZ
Bile oath, that you will mover communicate
what am about to tell you to any living
being, and that YOU will keep il while you
live as the most inviolable secretr
YES, Squire, | won't never tell nobody
nothing at out il as long as | breathe the
breath of life; and will take bible oath
of it; there, sartin, as live, before you or
any other magistrate IN this whole coun-
try
well, then, you know when went to
Boston year ago
Yes, Squire, and know who went with
you too-Susey B. and DolIey +. and her
sister Prudence
Never mind who went with me, Aunt
Lizzy there was q whole lot of passenger.
but, Lut-
None of your butts, squire-out with ii:
if folks will act so-a troIIop
But Aunt. L;zzy, Pm afraid you vii.