Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1841-10-26
STORY OF A HUMORIST.

STORY OF A HUMORIST.
Well, have seen your friend, and find
HIM 10 be exactly what you described him
as being, a humorist. He seems to have
impaired much OF that character to eve
ry thing around him. His servants are all
admirably disci plined to second his whims,
and his very furniture is, for the most part,
adapted 10 the same purpose. This put
me upon my qua I'd, and there was hardly
anything in the room that | did not touch
with apprehension. No trick, however,
was practsed upon me; and as | found,
subsequently,. | was indebted for such in
diligence TO one which was preserved for me
Mt night and which was such as perhaps all
my English phlegm would not have ena-
bled me to bear with patience. escaped
however, having been put 10 the proof by
the merest accident-thc arrival Of Door
Scotch surveyor, who was thought a fit
subject for the often repeated experiment.
The Scotchman was treated with extreme
hospitality he was helped to every thing
TO excess-his glass was never allowed to
stand full or empty for one minute.
Ourentertainer was like the landlord des-
cribed by Addison; the liquor seemed to
have no other effect upon him than any
other vessel in the house. 1t was not so
with his Scotch guest, who was by this time
much farther advanced upon the cruise Of
intoXcatlon than half-seas-over. In this
state no was conducted to his chamber
a fine lofty Gothic apartment, with bed
stead that seemed coeval with the building
say seemed, for that was by no means
The case, 1t being in reality modern piece
OF structure. 1t was of dark mahogany
with its four posts extending completely to
the ceiling ofthc chamber The bed, how
ever, was not more than two feet from
the floor, the better 10 enable the party to
getinto 1t. The Scochman, with good
deal OF assistance, was soon undressed,
and had his body deposited on this place Of
reposc.
When the door was closed, was for the
ilrst time made acquainted with the structure
OF the bedstead, which our host considered
as a masterpiece. Upon the touching ola
spring outside the door, the bed was so ac-
ted upon by pully thatit ascendcdslowlv
and smoothly through the four posts until
1t came within two or three feet the cell
ing. The snoring fihe Scotchman was
tho signal for touching the spring, and he
was soon atthe proper altitude. The SER
wants required no instructions how to act
In one moment the house was in an up-
rosr--cries of Fire fire were hoard in
different directions. A pile Of shavings
was set in blaze opposite the window
where poor Sawney slept.
The landlords voice was continually
heard excloiming, Good heavens save the
poor Scotch gentleman, if possible; the
flames have got into the room lust under
HIM ! At this time, we heard him fall and
below out. A sudden silence took place
every light was eXtinguished, andthe whole
house seemed TO be buried in the most pro-
found repose The Scotchman's voice
could alone be heard roaring out in the
high dialect of his country for assistance.
Al length, two of the men servants. in
their shirts entered the room with a candle
Just lit, and yawning, as if Immediately
aroused from their sleep. They found him
sprawing on the floor. 90 dear sir what
is the matter with you2' Matter saws
he why isn't the house on freq Not at
oil SIR What was the reason Of the
cries OF fire. fire! thon!' Bless Won. sir.
you must have been dreaming: whv tbere
is not 50 much as mouse s,irrine. and hi,
honor and the whole family have Neon
asleep these three hours The Scotchmon
now gave up all credit in the testimony oCbis
own senses. q must have been dreaming
indeed, and have hurt myself by falling
out OF bed Hurt yourself, sir!-noi
much hope, the bed is low'--and bv
tins time 1t had been made 10 descend to
It's hrst level. The poor Scot was quite
contoundcd; quite ashamed at distnrb:ng
the family; begged thousand nardons.
accompanied the servants to the door
closed 1t after them, and was left onoo
more in the dark. 0"0o
But the last act Of pantomine was No,
yet performed. The spring had been inv,
medlately touched on closing the door.and
the bed was soon beyond the reach of onr
guest. We could hear him sroping nbout
and uttering frequent calculations Of as,o.
nlShment. He easily found the bed-posts
but 1t was in vain he could endeavor to oct
IN. tic moved his hand up and down
his leg was often lifted by way Of stepping
IN, but always encountered the floor in is
descent. Tie uttered EXPLANATIONS of sur.
prise not loud but deep, for fear of again,