The Madisonian. [volume] (Washington City [i.e. Washington, D.C.]) 1837-1845, 1840-11-20

towards those | have profess,d to love: would
10 God l. had found in Others the same sentiment!
From this disposition bear impatienty the le-
witty of my acquaintance. To repose confidence
IN me gains, above all things, upon my regard ::
| consider confidence as the highest mark Of es-
TEEN, and am secret to excess. | am dan
gerous enemy ] resent warmly, and do not
easily pardon. This vindictive temper, joined
tony influence and high station, has made my enc
mics tremblej but possess also noble and an up
right mind, incapable of base or criminal actions.
am of melancholy turn ofmind, and prefer solid
and serious books to lighter compositions, which
soon weary me. My judgment of the merit of
an author is perhaps not less just than that of
those who boast more learning. | love the con
versation OF men of sense, and can endure with
out lassitude those who are less entertaining,
since my rank imposes on them some constraint.
Though not always amused, am seldom Of
Tended discern and esteem all persons of
merit, of whatsoever profession, but greatly
prefer military men. On the subject of war
converse with pleasure, for with great personal
courage, have much ambition. My resolutions
are suddenly taken and firmly kept. | feel SO
much indifference for some things in the world.
so much contempt for others, and entertain so
good an opinion Of myself, that would choose
rather 10 pass the remainder ofmy life in solitude,
than impose the least constraint on my humor,
however advantageous it might be TO my fortune.
love best to be alone. have no great com
plaisance, though expect great deal i love
to provoke and irritate, though sometimes | can
oblige. am not fond of diversions, neither do
trouble myself to procure them for others. OF
all instruments OF music, prefer the violin. l
did love dancing, and danced well. hate cards
love games OF exercise; am proficient in all
kinds OF needle-work; and am fond OF riding on
horseback am more sensible to grief than TO
joy, possibly from having had more acquant-
ance with the former but it is difficult TO distin-
gush with which am affected; for, though no
comedian, | am too much mistress Of my looks
and actions to discover to those about me more
than | choose they should know. | am at all
times selfpossessed. The vexations and cha
grin which have suffered would have killed any
other than myself; but God has been merciful
and good in endowing me with sufficient strength
to sustain the misery which he has allotted to
me. Nothing fatigues, defects, or dscourages
me. Though | sincerely wish to be so, am not
devout. Though Indifferent to the world, do
not, fear, sufficiently despise it, wholly to de-
tach myself from il; since have not enrolled
myself among the number OF those, who by
quitting il, prove their contempt. Self-love is
not requisite TO become devout. am naturally
distrusiful and suspicious. love order even in
the m1nutest article. hnoSs no whether am
liberal, but know well that love magnifcence
and pomp, and give generously to men OF merit,
and to those whom regard but as on these
occasions | am guided by my fancy, know not
whether the term liberal would be properly APP
piled to me, however feel pleasure in doing
every thing of this kind in the handsomest man
ner. have no inclination for gaantry, nor do
possess any great tenderness Of soul ] am less
sensible to love than to friendship. | like to
know what passes in the world, without the
trouble drinking with it. have great memory,
and form a tolerably good judgment Of most
things No one will. l hope, be so rash as to at
tribute to a defect Of judgment the misfortunes
have suffered were fortune guided by judg-
ment or justice, she would certainly have treated
me better.n
This lady's confessions, though not free from
contradiction, have an air ofingenuousness. Her
love of s'pomp and magnifcence" was probably
her real character: her indifference and con-
tempt for the world the offspring of disappoint-
ment.