Staunton spectator, and general advertiser. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 183?-1849, 1840-11-05
WI isccElany.
THE WAR WITH CHINA.
BY THOMAS HOOD, ESQ.

"Mistress ofhcrself tho China fall. ''-Pope.
81 can't understand it, said my uncle,
throwing down on the table the pamphlet he
had been reading, and looking up over the
fireplace at the great picture Of Canton, paint
| cd by his elder brother when he was mate of
an East Indiaman. My aunt was seated be-
side my uncle, with her cotton-box, playing
at working, and cousin Tom was working at
| playing In corner. AS for my father and
myself, we had dropped in as usual after
walk to take our tea, which, through an old
connexion with Cathay, was certain to be
flrst-rate at the cottage. ''Why on earth,"
continued my uncle, ''why on earth we should
GO to war about the Opium business quite
passes my comprehension"
"And mine, too,' chimed in nv aunt.
whose bent 1t was to put in word and put
out an argument as often as she had an OPP
portunity. 81 always thought opium was a
lulling, soothing sort of thing, more likely to
compose peoples passions than to stir them
up"
My uncle looked at the speaker with much
the same expression as that of the great girl
, in Wilkes picture, who is at once frowning
and Smiling at the boys grotesque mockery
OF the Blind Fiddler-for my aunt's alIusion
to the sedative qualities Of opium was anus
ing In itself, butprovoking as interrupting the
discourse.
"The Sulphur question" she continued, sis
!4uite different thing. That's all abont
birthstone and combustbles; and it would
only be of piece if we were to send our men,
ol-war, and frigates, and fireshps, to lombard
Mount Fesuvius."
II should like to see it," said my father.
in his quietest tone and with his gravest face
for he was laughing inwardly at the pro-
posed grand display Of pyrotechnics.
$40 go back" resumed my uncle, .'to the
very beginning of the business; first, we have
Captain Elliot, who wishes TO give the Chi
nese admiral a chop
"And very civil thing of him, too" re-
| marked my aunt.
"Eh! what % exploded my uncle, as snap
pishly as a Waterloo cracker
ITO be sure" said my aunt, in a deprecat-
ing tone, sit might be Friday and fast
day, as to meat
Gas to what!''
"As to meat" repeated my aunt, resolutely,
81 have always understood that the Catholic
priests and the Jesnits were the first to 90
converting the Chinese
"Phoo! nonsense ~ calculated my uncle,
''a chop is document"
"Well, it's not my fault" retorted my aunt,
III things abroad are called by their wrong
names. What is chop, then, in Chinese /:
1 mean pork or mutton one-is it called a
document -
My uncle gave look upwards worthy Of
Job himself. He was sorely tempted, but
he translated the rising English oath into a
French shrug and grimace. My father tried
to mend matters as usual. "After all, broth
en- he said, ''my sisters mistake was natu-
raj, and womani y-especally in mistress
OF house, who has TO think occasionally of
chops and steaks. Besides, she has had
greater blundcrers to keep her in countenance.
on remember the needless resentment there
was about Barbarian Eye
''Io be sure he does,'' said my aunt; sand
why should be expected to know Chinese
any more than Lord Melbourne, or Lord Pal
inerston, or Lord-Knows- Who especially
when it's such difficult language besides.
and single letter stands for whole chapter,
like the Egyptian hieroglyphics."
"But what says the pamphleteer Z" said
my father, deliberately putting on his specta-
cles, and taking up the brochure from the ia
| BILE.
Why, he says" replied my uncle, 'tlat
opium is baneful drug that it produces the
most demorallzing effects on the consumers ;
and that we have no right to 90 to war to
force noxlous article down the threats of
our fellow-creatures."
mo, nor wholesome one neither re-
turned my father, "as the Judge said to the
woman when she killed her child for not ia
king It's Physic. But VIVA: have we here 3
return OF our exports to the Celestial En-
"lhe author means to imply" said my I'M
Gle, that 1t the Chinese did not chew and
smoke so much opium, they would have more
| l1I ID 4
Manchester manufactures"
fIeuy nonsense, indeed! ~ exclaimed my
aunt. "As If the Chinese could smoke print
cd cottons and calicocs, and chew Brumma-
gen hardware and cutlery like the ostriches!''
oeiieve 1T is but a Brummagen argu-
tile interest plated over with morality. IFS
the old story In the spelling book, There's
nothing like leather" The pamphleteer and
Commissioner Lin are both of mind in con.
demning drug in which they are not drug
1 acf. r.. -,