Southport telegraph. [volume] (Southport, W.T. [i.e. Kenosha, Wis.]) 1840-1850, 1840-10-06

A Bachelors Faa,iEy. The deputy mar
shals in taking the census, must have wit
messed some great scenes both of the grave
and ludicrous. Among the latter we have
heard of one, where the officer rapt at the
door Of small tenement, and his summons
was answered by brisk, little man, whose
independent air showed that he luxuriated
in all the luxury Of single blessedaess.-
&C Who is the head Of this familyw asked
the marshal. 6 / am sir" was the reply.
"Of how many does it consist" "Elev-
en-, Sir" "How many males?" "Six sir"
''Six males and five females, eh? Well
what are their ages?" '.Five Of nine days
old, SIR" "Not all by one mother, sure
lyp' "Yes, most positively" "Gracious
me, here's an item for my friend the Sun.
Five children at one birth! Well this is
increasing and multiplying with VEN
geance. Pray, sir what color might this
fruitful mother be? She is not your wife,
for know you are a bachelor" "She is
partly black and partly white, and she is
not married" The marshall became more
and more bewildered. "Do sir, if you
please, tell me what sort Of household
you keep" A very respectable one sir,
ii consists of myself, boy, dog, a cat
and five kittens, and two canary BIRDS
These are my household, and happy ia
nily we are" "Good morning, Mr.. j."
said the marshall, and vanished.
Baltimore Sun.
Horror Of Horrors. Political papers
are discovering every day ''deep, daring,
and desperate conspiracies, that if carried
out, are to convulse this country to its We
~ centre, and result in anarchy and blood.
One party is about to purchase up every
voter in the country, body and breeches.
and the other intends to circulate a start
ling report Of the death of the opposing
candidate just on the eve Of the election,
and, wickedness unexampled, means to
seize and burn every paper that contains
the contradiction. This is terrible; what's
the country coming to?-Phi1dd Ledger.
QUITE SATISFACTORY ANSWERS.
<'ls the beet cultivated in IreIand?" said
a northern agriculturist to an Emeralder,
fresh from the green sod.
"Bate! you name is fighting done there,
don't you2 0, then it's there it's brought
TO perfection, sure enough; ID fair,
market, or patthron passes that it's not
carried on ixtinsively."
On another occasion Paddy was asked
If bull batting was known in Ireland
''Troth thin" he replied, sat Donnybrook
you may see plenty Of that same bull bait
ing 6dtelng tho bull. There's no bull there,
my honey!"
An unlettered Yankee, being in compa-
ny with several persons in London, desired
to know what was meant by proroguing
parliament.
"To ProrQgge parliament" answered
one OF them with wink at the rest, sis
to drive out any rogues that may happen
to BIO in the house."
"Oh, yes" returned the Yankee
"Then it must be the same as what we
call an adjournment in America"
The SUN.-"What you call him, where
de Sun come up 20 said a French gentle
man 10 little girl at his boarding-hou |
SIN the East, sir. The sun rises in the |
East" said the maiden.
$50 ho!" cried the Gaul, ono wonder. |
Dat is de raison dat your bread rise when |
you put him in de yeast. De Sun rise in |
dc yeast, and dc bread rise in de yeast. -
Very good, indeed"
Temperance Man.--A son Of the Emer-
aid Isle, who arrived in New York not |
long since, was asked by On acquaintance
to take glass of grog, but declined, CIV |
ing as a reason for his refusal that he had |
joined the Temperance Society in Cork,
before leaving Ireland. His friend replied
that that was no consequence, as a pledge
given in Irelnnd was not binding here. To
this piece Of left-handed morally, Pat in
dignantly retorted, ado you suppose whin
l brought my body to Ameriky, I'D be al
thur LAYING me sowl in Ireland!"
A lusty young fellow in a tattered garb
and long beard that spoke the extreme Of
distress, solicited an elderly gentleman for
aims, in apteous tone of voice; tho bene-
violent gentleman gave him shilling
IF this relief had not como so opportune-
ly,' said the beggar, Il should have been
driven to do what never intended What
was that? said the gentleman, impatiently,
s. To work." said tho impostor.
Ontwo bankers in Ireland, named Come
and Going, who had failed:
Going and gone are row all one,
For Come is going and Goings gone.
Blackwood says that if man once in
dulges himself in murder, very soon he
comes TO think lightly of robbing; and
from robbing he comes next to drinking,
and misunderstanding, and from those 10
inclvlihy and procrastination. Many q
man has dated his ruin from some murder