Litchfield enquirer. [volume] (Litchfield, Conn.) 1829-current, 1840-05-28

Iexas edItorlalizing. 1t is lsGLer,under the
head OF Aquatic Scenery" in the Morning
Star, of Houston, April Sd, and IL fllI AZ
quaint humor, la Boz:
During the hardest Of the storm the day
before yesterday, we took lounge down 10.
the steamboat landing; while standing on
me brink OF deep gulley that emptied its
.orseM OF water into the bayou, our attention
was attracted to the bottom of the gullev.
where drunken loafer was stemming the
tofFent' holding onto root fast anchored in
the Dank. The poor fellow, not knowing
any one was near him. was Combating hiS
fate manfully, and in calculating his chan
ceS OF escape, gave utterance to the follow
ing: - $3.50"
"Haynt this orful sitivation 10 be MIA.
Geo IN, nohow? III wos a steamboat, rail-,
or WOOD plle, Id be better worth fifty cents
on the dollar than I'll ever be agin. Unless
I'm gone case now, there haynt no truth
IN frenology. I've weighed all the chances
IKE gineral, and find only two in my ia.
vor; the first is skunk hole TO crawl into.
and the second special interspersition Of
providence; and the best chance Of the two.
+ i. So Sum, 4 only had the change I'd give
timents. If could be mink, a mushrat, or
a'water snake, for about two months, prehaps.
wouldn't mount the first stump tother side.
the Bio, and flap my wings and crow over
everlastin' life, scientifically preservated.--
But what's the use holdin' on this root? there
haynt no skunk hole in these ere diggins So
the water is getting taller about feet, and
if my nose was as long as kr gdom come, it
wouldn't stick out much longer. Oh, jerry!
Jerry you're gone sucker, and | guess
your marin don't know you're out poor
woman! won't she cry the glasses out OF her
spectacles when she hears her darlin' Jerry
has got the whole of Bufferlo Bio for his cot
| lin! What pity tits some philanthropis or
member of the humane society never had
foresight enough to build house over this
gutter, with steam engine to keep out the
water! Ifthey'd done it in time, they might
have had the honor and qualification of saw
ing the life Of a Teller being but it's all day
with you, Jerry, and q big harbor to cast an
Choir in. It's too bad to go off in this orful
manner, when they knows ollershated wa
ter ever since was big enough to know
twant whiskey. feel the root giyin' way,
and since don't know prayer, here's bit
Of Watts's Doxologer, to prove Ldied a chris
| tian:- @ .f sta
t"9n the bank where droopd tho willeS
Eong time ago." u.s.
Before Jerry got to the conclusion, he was
washed into the bayou, within few feet OF
ia large fiat that had just started for the
| steamboat his eye caught the prospect of
/
| dirge into thrilling cry of Heavo to pas.
senger overheard and sinking, with belt
full Of specie the man what saves me
makes his fortune! !" Jerry was fished ashore
by darkey and to show his gratitude, in
vited Qnashey 10 Ego up 70 the doggery and
liquor"
Among the ready retorts for which La
rcnzo Dow was famous, is one which some
Of our readers may have heard before and
forgotten, while many doubtless have never
heard at all Happening in his travels
for he was epermore on the move--to be ut
Delhi, N. u, he stopped for the night at the
hotel Of q Mr.. Bush, the chief Bonifbce Of
the Villages round and oily mail, with ru-
by nose and atheisticaf principles. In the
course Of the evening, the celebrated Gene
raj Root, now Of the New York legislature,
dropped inland being Of the same mind
with MIR. Bush, they began to quiz Dow, with
might and main. Finally. Gen. Root deter
mining to give him pu7zler, said
I you talk good deal about Heaven:
pray give Mr.. Bush and myself a descrip-
ton Of it. A man who sees II in dreams and
frances as often as you profess 70 do, ought
to describe 1t perfectly
.Well gentlemen, said Dow. Il can de-
scribe it, but must do II briefly. Heaven
embraces vast extent Of territory I; the mir
is clear and wholesome |; the country smooth
and level; there isn't Root or Bush in it,
and there never will beH
Fashionable Portyeib-and lies.
| Miss SOPHIA. will you favor me with o
songY
'oh! no, Mr.. SENIOR, nepsr (I) sing
i think / have heard YOU
But have such cold.'(2)
Singing is good for cold.'
And then my wrist is lane.'(sy
1T will cure IT,
Il have forgot all my music.'(4)
Gan you not recollect one piece!'
IT is some time since practiced.' 10y
Were you not playing as Ientered!'
'Only drumming
well, drum me a tune them
! After telling about twenty moro lies, the
lady plays. Now this is altogether wrong.
Ifthe young gentleman Is poor, and the lady
don't want TO play, let her just say so. But
il he is rich simpleton, let her Just get up,
seat herself at the piano, and 60 il. That's
4 the way Bachelors Bullion.
SOAP LOCKS.
The frst Of the "ordcr," il Is said was a famous
,hefin The English metropolis. who alter having for
time successfully carried on his exploits. WINS &c
length caught, and sent 10 Botany Bay. He could
soos % h
! been detected he submitted 10 the punishment Of
having his ears cut off, by the authorities at that
place. After living at that interesting colony somO
few years. he contryed TO escape and made his way
TO New-York. In that city, he found that cropped
ears were by no means fashionable and in order to
hide the deormiiy, he suffered his locks to grow TO an
inordinate length. and to keep them from Blowing
about in every breeze, soaped them until they ASSUME
ed firm and sleek appearance. This fashion was
followed by the exqnisitess until finally the wear
ers have become class distinct and to themselves,
known as the greatest sconndrels IN the mercantile
emporum-tho dread Of honest people, and the troab-