Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1840-07-09

.SoEloquy of acould-be-loaftr.--Well
should like 10 know what's 10 be done
now! new years overall the goodies i
gone, and | haint got sixpeDce. No
body can't call on their friends and ge
nnthin nohow.
The turkies has all jisappeared--the
ham has all wanished-lhe punch has
all ewaporated--and you can't get moth.
ing bur kicks for all your ciwillitics.
1t aint easy matter to live in this world
1t costs oceans of time aud money besides
lois of wexaion and them wot's got the
time always lacks the money: and them
wol's GOT The money always lacks the time;
and "riscr ,oorser," as the lawyer said
70 the man that picked his pocket.
wish twas al ways new years. It's
the fault of the almanaces-lhcy doesen't
know nothing what's for the public good:
lis only a few individual snow Storm and
and haTycanes what they troubled them
selves about. wish was an almanac
I'D soon regulate the calender, and have
ewn years come once month. But il
nInI no sc,-it'sa vain effor-as the fish
said when he tried so climb up the apple
tree.
| wish could keep house of 'enier-
tainment for man and beasts" rhcu would
net lave to go to bed hungry and
thursry; and if [ hadn't got no sixpence
| could live on stock. lisa ca api,al thing
This stock. The next time get a sxpence
I'll put il in The banks then nobody can't
say l haInt GOT stock to draw on. People
what's got "A sixrencc donr know nu,lIin
if they doesn't put it i'll tho bank. Bnr
sixpeuses doesn't grow up like weeeta-
bles; and then the ground is all friz up.
and you can't make nothing grow no
how.
Sixpenccs won't grow if you plant 'em;
they. aInt like ta'ers: you pIant talcrs,
and they comes up, and grows and multi
plies hut plant sixpences, and they comes
10 nutIin' unless you plant 'em in the
bank. These banksis capital things for
the gentlemen like ne, whal's troubled
with the "ovts." Let me sec if | can
count 'cm all. OutaI the pockets--lhat's
one out of crediI-rhaI's two ont at the
el,ows-ihat's three out at the knees
that's four; out at The hcels--that's five:
ont at The toe,-lhat's six and then Tam
Oul Of house and home, makes seven outs.
Them's what the doctors call the seven
pIasues-anl nolhiu' can't cure them no
how. Brandch's pills doesn't cure the
ou's-them only agerawales The ,listem-
per. | wish wasn't a genlleman; IT'S
only them what's afflicted with The outs =
Whats the moann' of gontirTen Why.
its man what's gentle. Nulhin' couldn't
he palmer, no how. Gentle, means soft.
mild, peareable. never makes no nnist-
that's soft; never kicks up no rows
that's mild; never quarrels with no.
hmly-,ha's peaceaJie; and ! mrsl he
man Or should wear peti.coais-ergo
lfl ain gentleman it's their fault what
made The diinitinns,
wish was loafer; thems the ones
what's The best of. What's the meanin'
of loa(er! Why it's VERY plan--.ir's ii
man what eats ioaf There's -baker-
that's the man wIaI bak,es there's maker
that's The man that makes The loaf; and
there's loaler-tliai's the nan eats The
loaf. It's VERY incnnwenient tornake a
loaf without nolhin to make it Of and the
baker what hal;es it is VERY liable to
hurn liSscl. But the Ioafer what eats il
provided he's got sixpence TO wash it
down with--aint gnl to Inconvenience at
all. Now only wish was adequate
for the office. wish was loafer.