The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1836-1851, 1840-07-04
Majority for Dinkins

Soliloguy of acouu-bc-loGter.-Well
I should like to know what's 10 be dom
now! new wears overall the goodies i
gone, and [ haint got sixpence. No
body can't call on their friends and ge
nothin nohow.
The turkies has ali disappeared-:h'
ham has all wanished-the punch has al
ewaporated and you can't get nothin!
but kicks for all your ciwilIities.
1t aint no easy matter 10 live in thi
world. II costs oceans Of time and money
besides !o's of wexalion and them wot':
got the time always lacks the money; and
'lciscr 2rorscr,' ms the lawyer said to the
man that picked his pocket.
wish twas always new years. It's the
fault of the almanacs-they doesen't know
nohin what's for the public good; lis
only few Individual snow storm and
harrycanes what they trouble themselves
about. wish | was an almanac-Pd
soon regclatc the calender, and have new
wears cnme once a month. But it aint
no use, it's vain elfort-as the fish said
when he tried to climb up the apple tree.
wish could keep house of 'cnter-
tainment for man and BEAST" then |
shoul.i not have to 20 to bed hungry and
thursly; and il | hadn't got no sixpence, ]
could live on stock. It's capital thing,
this stock. Tie next time get sixpence
I'll put it in the banks then nobody can't
say l haint got stock to draw on. Peo-
pie what's got sixpence don't know
no,hin if they doesn't put it insthe bank.
But sixpencc doesn't grow up like wege-
tables; and then the ground is all friz up,
and yoa can't make nothin grow no how
Sixpenccs won't grow if you liant 'cm:
they aint Ike taters; you plant laters, and
they com;s up, and grows and muIlipIes;
but plant sixpences, and they comes TO
nothin' unless you plant 'em in the bank.
These banks is capital things for the gen.
tlemen like me, what's troubled with the
.'outS." Let ME see if | can count 'em all.
Out at the pockets-lhat's one; out of
crcdit--thats two; out at the elbows
that's three; out at the knccs-that's four;
out at the heels-thal's five; out at the
toes that's six; and then I'm out of house
and home, makes seven outs. Thcm's
what the doctors call the seven plaques
and nothin' can't cure then no how.
Brandeth's pills doesn't cure the outs
them only aggrawates the distemper. l
wish wasn't gentleman; it's only them
whats afflicted with the outs. What's the
meanin' of gentlemen? Why, it's man
what's gentle. Nothin' couldn't he plain
er, no how. Gentle, means soft, mild,
peaceaLle. never makes no noise-thal's
soft; | never kicks up no rows-that's
mild; never quarrels with nobody-that's
peaceable; and l must be man; or
should wear pcttecoats-ergo! if amt a
gentleman it's their fault what made the
difnitions.
wish was lnafer; thems the ones
what's the besI of: What's the meanin'
of loafer! Why IFS very plaintiffs
man what eats loaf. There's-baker-
that's the man what bakcs; there's maker-
that's the man that makes the loaf; and
there's lodfcr-tha's the man eats the
loaf. It's VERY inconwenient to make
loaf without nothing TO make it of, and
The baker what bakes il is very liable TO
burn hisseIf But the loafer what eats
it-provided he's got a sixpence TO wash
it down with-aint got no Inconvenience
at all. Now only wish was adequate
for the office. wish was loater.
"Walk in without knocking," as the
paddy said to the parties.
"Don't be alarmed" as the steel trap
said to the fox ven it bit off his leg.
Sand vot come you out TO see," as the
Giraffe said TO the blind man.
'Nought but a dreary void behind,"|
as the loafer said ven he lost the seat of
his inexpressibles.
''He is a great BoRE,". as the block said