Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1840-11-27

Miss Frost, of Massachusetts, has recovered 1865
of Mr. Fly, for breach OF a marriage promise. He
corted her year and had TO pay at the rate of one
dollar per day for his sparkling Poor fellow! he got
frost bitten.
Witty RrrARrEE.--A Frcnchinan once trading in
market, was interrupted by an impairment
wolI be wagglsh sort of fellow, who rldcucd him
by initiating his imperfect manner of speaking the
for some time, the Frcnchnnn coolly replied:
Mine friend you vud do well TO stop now; for if
Sampson had made no better use Of de jaw bone Of an
ass dan you do, he vld never kill 50 many Phllsans
A painter was employed in painting ship in III,
Thames, a stage suspended under the stern The
captain who had just got into the boat along side TO
20 ashore ordered the cabin boy let go the painter
(neanlng the rope that holds the boat) The boy i'm
printers stage was held. The captain, surprised at
the boys delay, cried out, 'conound you for lazy
dog! why don't you let 90 the painter J" Hes gone
Sill" replied the boy, pot and ALL
MEDICAL arERY.-Dr. Racliff being asked by pa
tcnt, which most difficult to cure disorder con
cessIve dinkng!' The doctor desired the queris to
consider which was the most difficult 10 extract out Of
mans body, a pipe of wine or an OK!
CrRE ron INTENPERANcE.-Dr. Kitchener says in
his Invalids Oracle: a gentleman in Philadelphia,
who was afflicted with drunken wife put cask OF
rum in her way in the charitable hope that she would
drink herself to death. She suspected the scheme,
and from mere principle Of contradiction, abs'ained
after from the use of the boule!'
CLEVER THEFT once hcarcd robbcr story in
which my companion himself played part in the
south of France \ rolbcr stopped diligence and
stripped all the travellers of their ready money, whlc
eight of his comrades We're seen behind some bushes
with their muskets cvelle1. When the theft had Sc
cured his booty was found that the dreaded eigh,
were merely scarccrows dressed up for the
Runners Naly and the Nalians.
SINGULAR pRoDLEM.-Thcre was n singular prob
lem among the stolcs, which ran TO this purpose -:
"whcn man says lie does he lie, or does he not !!
If he hes, he speaks the truth and if he speaks the
this wonderful problem. Chryssippus favored the
world with no less than SIX and Phetis studied
himself to death in his vain endcavors TO solve it,
HoRTIcuLTuRAL rETE.--An Irshnan being once
asked his opinion of a beautiful SHE'LL replied, that he
was no botanlst and for the same reason shall
attempt no description of the flowers. An amusing
incident occurred which may not be unworthy OF
notice. bouncing dame that had evidently migra-
ted from the regions that lie to the east of Temple bar
was asked by her daughter if she could tell her the
name of one of the many beautiful flowers. The
blooming bourgcols-who II appears was not as Pope
says
- Skilled in every herb tina, grew,
And every plant that drinks the morning dew"
rcplcd-"Oh don't ask me; the hard Latin puzzles
me horribly. The only two flowers can ever re-
member are the aurora JOrealis, aud the deiiyium
femcnS.
IRisH VITA genuine 'son of the sod" came into
office the other day and asked the rates Of adver-
taing for situation. The price, we ,old him, would
be one dollar for three insertions, and dollar and
fifty cents for six " dollar SAID he scratching his
pate, for the first lhrae times and half dollar for
the last 'hrac: we'll thin, my darlin, faith, an well
have II III the last thrae'
REToRT PROFESS toSAL.-A physician passing by a
stone cutters shop, bawlcd out, good morning Mr.
W; hard at work ! see. You finish your grave
stones as far as an memory OF" aud then you wait
suppose, To see who wants a monument next2"-
"Why, yes" replied the old man, resting for n mo.