Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1839-08-01
W 7 s G E L l. " z.
L~AUGHABLE STORY.

The following is a l~aughable account of the mis-
fortunes which befel an American gentleman upon
a visit to a lady in Paris to whom he bore letters
of introduction. After relating a number of ludi-
crous and amusing mistakes upon his entrance in
the presence of the lady, he thus proceeds =
The ordinary routine of a French dinner COM
menced. A regular series of servants appeared
each instant at our elbows, inviting u. to partake of
a thousand different kinds of wine, under strings of
names which | no more understood than | under.
stood their composition, or they did my gaacheries.
Rcsolute to avoid all further opportunities for dis
playing my predominant trait, | sat in the most OBJ
stinate silence, saying 0ut to every thing that was
offered 10 me, and eating with the most devoted APP
%plcation, till my fair n~eighbor, with my taciturnity
and her own, at length herself began a conversation
by enquiring how l was pleased with the opera. |
was just raising a large morsel Of potatoe to my
mouth, and in order to reply as quickly as possible,
| hastily thrust it in, intending to swallow il as has
tily. Heavensi 1t was as hot as burning lava.
What could | do! The lady's eyes were fixed upon
me, waiting a reply to her question. But nv mouth
was in fame. | rolled the burning morsel hi,her
and thither, rocking my head from side TO side,
while my eyes, which involuntary / had fixed on
her, were strained from their sockets. She regar-
ded my grimaccs, of the cause of which she was
ignorant, with an expression of amazement and sur
prise, at which / can laugh now when | think of
it.
Monsieur is illm at length she gently and in an
anxious tone inquired; | could hear no more. Nv
mouth was flaying with intolerable pain so quietly
abandoning the point, opened il to the utmost and
out dropped the internal brand upon my plate.-
Not the slightest tendency to visibility ruiled the
imperturable politeness OF the lady. She soothing
ly condoled with me on my misfortune, then gradu-
ally led the conversation to a variety Of topics, till
exerting the magic influence that true politeness al
ways exercises, | began to forget even my own blum
ders. Gradually my cheeks burned less painfully,
and | could join in the conversation without the
fear that every word | uttered shared the fate ofthe
action l attempted; / even ventured to hope, nav,
to congratulate myself, that the catalogue ofcalami-
ties was completed for the day.
Let no man call himself happy before death, "
said Scion, and he said wisely. The Ides ofMarch
we're not yet over. Before us stood a dish Of cauli-
flower. nicely done in butter. This / naturally
enough took for a custard pudding, which it suff-
ciently resembled. Unfortunately my vocabulary
was not yet extensive enough to embrace all the
technicallties of the table, and when my fair neigh
Dor inquired fl was fond Of ch0rfeur, | verify took
it to be the French for custard pudding, and so
high was my P%anegyric of it that my plate was
bountifully laden with il. Alas, one single mouth
full was enough to dispel my illusion. Would to
heaven that the e~h0rfear had vanished with it.
But that remained bodily, and as | gazed despond-
ingly on the huge mass that doomed almost as large
and burning as Vesuvius, my heart died within me.
Ashamed to confess my mistake, though | could as
readily have swallowed an equal quantity Of soft
soap, | struggled m~anfully on against TIE mountain
Gus heap at its base-and shutting my eyes and
opening my mouth TO inhale as large masses as l
could without stopping to taste ii. But my stomach
soon began intelligibly enough to intimate its inten.
ton to admit no more of this nauseous stranger be-
meath its roof, if not even e~xpelling that which had
nlrpady uninpd an ttoVtaIaanaa aln,..,
The seriousness of the task ! had undertaken and
the resolution necessary to execute it, had given an
earnestness and rapidity to my e~xcrtions, which APP
petite could not have inspired, when my plate, ha-
wing got mewha over the edge Of the table, upon
my leaning forward, tilted up, and down slid the
disgusting mass into my lap. My handkerchief,
unable to bear so ~weighty a load, bent under in its
turn, and a great portion of it landed safely in my
hat The plate instantly righted itself as | raised