Herald of the times. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1830-1846, 1839-08-01
IAUGIIABLE STORY.

The following is a laughablc account o'
the msfortuncs which betel an American
gentleman upon a visit 10 lady IN Paris, 10
whom he bore letters Of introduction. After
rel,,ipp a number Of ludicrous and amusing
mistakes upon his entrance in the presence
of the lady, he thus proceeds;
The ordinary routine Of French dinner
comucnccd A regular series OF servants
nnpcared each instant a, our elbows, inviting
us Ia par,ake of n thousand different kinds oi
wine, under striug ut names which ! no
more understood than understood their com.
position. or they did my gnuchsries. Reso'
iutc to avoid all further opportunities tor dis
playing my predominant, trait, ! sat IN the
most obstinate silence, saying out To every
thing that was offered TO me, aud eating witi
the most devoted application, TIL my fan
ncighbor at length herself began conversa-
ton, by inquring how was pleased with the
opera. | was just raising large morsel OF
potato 10 my mouth. and IN order TO reply ms
Qnio ky as possible, hastily thrust 1t IN, in
tending to swallow it rs hastily. Heavens I.
IT was as hot ~ burning lava. What could
do! The lady's eyes were fixed upon me-
waiting a reply to her question. But my
mout!, was in a flame. rolled the burning
norse hiihcr and thithcr, rocking my head
from side to side, while my eyes, which bad
involuntarily fixed on her, were strained from
their sockets. She regarded my grimaccs,
of the cause Of which she was ignorant, with
an expression of anazemcnt and surprise at
which can laugh now when think OF 1t.
"Monsieur is III y at length she gently
and in an anxious tone inquired. could
hear no more. My mou,h was flaying with
intoerable pain so, quietly abandoning the
point, opened it to the utmost, and out drop
ped the internal brand upon my plate. Not
the slightest tendency TO visibility rullled the
nnper,urbable polIteness of the lady. She
soothingly condolcd with me on my mlsfor-
tune, then gradually led the conversation to
n variety of topics, I'LL cxerting the magic in
fuence that true polltcness always exercises,
| began to forget even my own blunders.-
Gradually my checks burned less painfully,
aud could Join in The conversation without
fear that every word ] uttered shared the
fate OF the action | attempted, and even
ventured TO hope. nay, to congratulate my.
self, that the catalogue OF calamlties was
completed for the day.
"Let no man call himself happy before
DEATH" said Scion, and he said wisely. The
ldes Of March rrrc not yet over. Before us
stood dish Of caulhowor, nicely done in
butter. This ! naturally enough took for
custard pudding, which it sufficiently re-
scmbled Unfortunately my vocabulary was
not yet extensive enough TO embrace all the
technicalities Of the table, and when my fair
neighbor inquired if | was ioid of chorfle,r,
verify believed it to be the French for Gus
tard pudding, and so high was my panegyric
of il that my plate was bountfully laden with
il. Alas, one single mouihful was enough to
dispel the Illusion. Wond to heaven the
ehorfeu had vanished with 1t. But that re.
NAMED bodily, and us gazed dcspondingly
upon the huge mass that loomcd almost ns
large and burning as Ncsuvlns, my heart died
within me. Ashamed 10 confess my mistake
though could as readily have swallowed an
equal quan;liy Of soft soap, struggled man.
fully on against the mountainous heap at its
shutting my eyes and opening my
mouth 10 Inhalc M large masses as could
without stopping To taste II. But my stomach
soon began infcligibIy to intimate its inten-
ton to adlnlt no more ol this nauseous stran-
ger beneath it's roof lf no; even cxpelng
that wllrli had already gained an unwelcome
admiss on.
Thr seriousness of the task had under
lHkrn. HNN llf f'FObllbH W eve
cute IL, had given an enrncsiness and rapldi-
" ~ my cxcfiionS which appetite could not
have IN. lirrd. when my plate having got
sonirwlini over the edge of the table, upon
INV leaning forward. tilted mp. aud down slid
the Disgusting mess iuio my lap. My hand.
kcrhl"f, unal,le to bear 81 wci.hiy n load,
bout uDdrr ~ it, in'n. aud grcot portion of
u LANDED safely ~ NY hat. The plate in.
sipnily righcd itself NJ raised my person.
aud ~ glanced my eye round the table, and
saw that no ono had nn' ccd INV dlanstcr, q
inwardlv congratulated ny clf ,hn, the nat
seons deception was so happily disposed o. /.
Resolved nnt ~ be- detected Instantly rolled
nav handkerchief iogrui"-. with us REMAINING
cnntrDtS. aud whipprd y Iuto NY pocket.
vb, d,upcr table was nj lrngib deserted
10, iI,. ,lrsw wing ro.n.uhsfc cuflr and liqupi .
were served round. Meantime had sough,