Cheraw gazette and Pee Dee farmer. [volume] (Cheraw S.C.) 1838-1839, 1839-08-16
BENDS, BUSTLES, Etc. Etc.

BE rRoTUBERANcE."
Oh! We whose eyes are black or bue'
Inspire my song with vgor new,
And lend me all your aid TO thumP
The tastsless author Of the "Hump."
In ancient times we have it wrote,
Just what She pleased was worn By madam
Eve had Ler "fg leaf petticoat"
Without consulting Mr.. Adam;
In every age, om slave to queen,
Standards of taste the fair have been;
They mould the fashions to their will
And polish Nature by their skill -
And ift..ey seek the aid Of art
t. en- sure the conquest OF the heart,
Man should be fatter'd that they take
So much Of trouble for his sake,
Nor should they be admired the less
Because it is for him they dress.
Man, in his turn, for woman too,
Puts on his suit Of London b ne,
Or struts about in costly black,
With every hair brushed off bis back
And ere he in her presence goes,
He. by his careful caution Shows
Bv wa hing, shaving, brushing, rubbing
By combng. starching, backing, scrusoan&
Until no looks as prim and clean
As handbook danscl Of fourteen
How much ho feels that silent sway,
He dare not shun nor disobey.
If to our dress as to their own,
The fair had not attention shown
What dirty, filthy beasts would We,
In habit and appearance boz
And tho per chance tits tru, the fair'
To our dull minds strange things may weaf-
Though we who are devoid Of taste,
Nav wondar at wasp.like waist
And frecks that show enough OF shoulder
To make modest lover bolder-
Yet bishop sleeves and pantalettes,
Will live in spite Of the gazettes,
And it will cost you manya tussel
Before they will resign the hustle.
Tis moi mans business or his duty
To meddle with the dress Of beauty;
And when he ftets the more shoul: they,
In stubborn sternness disobey.
Not all your poets with their sonnets!
Should change the fashion of their boanets!
But say ye crusty single men,
Who've lived your three score years and ten,
Or arc in feeling Of that age.
Why not at your own dresses rage!
Reflect upon rufflod diekey
When'er you say that "Humps are trickey.
Or glance upon your pleated saams
Which honest painness rudely dams
And ere ye write new "Hump" ePisiles'
Just feel your necks encased in brlst'es.
Which once adorned some kindred gruntsr.
Look at your wide and rolling collars
For which the tailor takes your dollars;
Your coats all made Of paste and padding
And gngerbread-sometime dubbed waddiDg-
And surely Of all creatures, man
Is least to think or speak of bran!
Ye things of buckram tell your poet
For I'm resolved the scamp shall know 1t,
To think, when next of Humps" he writes.
A moment over a pair Of TIGHTS
And if they do not make hump
Uglier by far about the rump.
Than bustles do-then I'll agree,
That he deserves the victory.
In such war, face my foe,
And not, as he has done. attack.
The rival would overthrow
By unfair onset at the back.
I take tn, enemy in front,
And there bear the battles brunt,
And give phrenologic bump,
That larger than his fancied "Hump"
The ladies' wear no wheat or bran,
To catch tho willing creature, man
Such things they need not-'tis q hoe''
And fthe poet on the Bible
Is duly sworn, I'll prove IN io"'
A "Hump" he never felt OF saw
" d.nJrr,s M! What? say the fair,
g. nos as wheat and bran can wear,
"a fathers and the Lord knows what,
Near any place or any spot!
I,l not believe tits the tale
OF one who has been kicked moon high
Who hates the sex and darcs to rail
Because he knows no brilliant eye,
That ever flashed from woman's iorm'
To flush a trembling lovers face,
Would deign that icy soul to warm
Who's snned away his day OF grace.
No! they need 10 artificial Humps
To give such bachelors the thumps'
The Harrisburg Reporter states that the the
Pennsylvania five per cent loan OF VI ,iN'OOO.
the period fer receiving offers Tor which was
sns sINI ~, Thrrsdav last, was not taken not