The Iowa patriot. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1839-1839, 1839-08-08
"A LAUGHABLE RIDE.

were encamped near the borough Of
ElizabethtoWn, in New Jersey, an
officer, who was rather more of a de-
voice Of Venus than of Mars, paid
his addresses to a lady of distinction.
whom he was in the habit Of visiting
nightly, in the cultivation Of those
kind feelings which love 50 cordially
inspires. On a discovery of the cause
Of the repeated absence of the officer,
and of the place where his interviews
with his Dulcinea were had, some
waggish friends resolved to play off a
handsome trick at his expense, which
should deter him from a repetition OF
his amorous visits. The officer, it APP
pears, rode very small horse, of the
pony kind, which he always left I'M
tied, with the bride reins over his
neck, near the door, in order to mount
and ride off without delay, when the
business Of counting and kissing was
over; and the horse always remained
until backed by the owner, without
attempting to change his position.
On a certain dark night, when the
officer had as usual gone to pay his
devoirs to the object of his affections,
and was enjoying the approving smiles
Of the fair one, his waggish compan-
ions went privately to the door of the
house where the officer was, took the
bride and saddle from the horse,
which they sent quietly away, placed
the former on the tail, and the latter
on the back of a very sober, rumnat-
ing old COW, with the crupper over
the horns) who stood peacefully chew
ing her cud near the spot. lmmedi-
ately thereafter, they retired some
distance from the house, and, separat-
ing, they raised a loud cry Of alarm,
that the enemy had landed and were
marching with full force into the VIII
lage. On hearing the voice Of alarm,
the people ran out, greatly excited;
and CONSERVATION entering every
dwelling, found his unweIcome way
speedily into the household temple
where our official hero was worship
ping. Taking counsel from his fears,
and snatching a kiss he started from
the lady's chamber, and rushing down
stairs, shot out doors with the veloci-
ty Of a musket ball, and owing to the
darkness, not seeing the interesting
change in the conformation of his
nag, mounted hastily on the saddle,
with his back towards the head Of the
COW, and plunging spurs deeply into
her side, caused her to bawl out with
excessive pain; and she started off in
gallant style, in her best gallop maxi
ing towards the camp. The officer
still plying his spurs and whip to the
skin and bones of the suffering old ami
NAL, and with all his wine and love on
board--fnding himself hurried rapidly
backwards, maugre all his efforts to adj
vance; and hearing the repeated baw-
ling of the tortured and frightened
beast, imagined that he was carried off
by magic and roared out most Justify
that the devil had got him'-was car
RED IN this state of perturbation into,
the very alinement the camp. The
courageous sentinels, hearing the
noise, and imagining that Hannibal.
and his oxen were coming dischare-
ed their pieces and fled as If the devil
chased them; the alarm guns were fir
ed, the officers left their quarters
cried turn out! with all the strength
Of their lungs. The soldiers started
from their sleep, as if a ghost had
crossed their dreams--and the whole
running half naked together formed
IN gallant dishabille, prepared to re-
pei the invasion. When the ludi-
'crous sight, soon presented itself to
their eyes-of the gallant officer,
mounted on an old Cow, with his face
towards her tail, and this appendage
sticking straight out behind; her
tongue out-her sides CORY with the
grlevous digging of the spurs-and
himself, owing to his excessive fear
almost deprived of reason, and half
petrlffed with horror. A loud and
general roar of laughter broke from
the assembled band at the rider andf
ms steed-the whole corps gave three
times three hearty cheers as he holt
cd INTO the camp, and he was seized
and carried to his quarters in triumnh
there to dream of his loves lnetanour-
phosls, backward ride. sternway Id
vances, and alarms Of invasion. and
thereby to garnish his mind with ma
terlals for writing splendid treatise
on tne novel adventure Of cowology.