Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1839-08-01
THURSDAY MORNING. AUGUST 1, 1889.

my person, and saw, as | glanced my eye round the
table, no one had noticed my disaster, | inwardy
congratulated myself that the nauseous deception
was so happily disposed OF. Resolved not to be
detected, | instantly rolled my handkerchief togeth-
er, with its remaining contents, and whipped il in
to my pocker.
The dinner table was at length deserted for the
drawing room, where coffee and liquors were served
round, meantime | had sought out what | consider.
ed a safe hiding place for my hat, beneath a chair in
the dining room, for ! dared not carry it any longer
in ny hand, having first thrown a morsel OF paper,
to hide the cauliilower, should any one chance, in
seeking for his own hat, to look into mine.
On my return TO the drawing room, / ehauced TO
be again seated by the lady by whom | had sat at
table. Oar conversation was resumed, and we were
in the midst of an animated discussion, when a huge
spider was seen running up her arm.
Take it od-iake it Off" she calculated in q
terrified voice.
l was always afraid of spiders; so, to avoid touch
ing him with my hand, l caught my pocket hand
kerchicf from my pocket and claped it ut unce upon
the miscreant, who was already mounting over her
temple with rapid strides. Gracious heavens. |
had forgotten the caulifower which was now plas.
tered over her face like an emoulient poultice, fair
ly killing the spider, and binding an eye OF the lady
while little streamlets of soft butter glided gently
down her neck and bosom.
"Mon dieu! Mon dieu ~ exclaimed the aston
ished fair.
"Mon dieu!" wa. re-echoed from every persons
mouth.
"Have you cut your hand 7" inquired one.
No! no!-the spider-monsieur is killing the
spider"
"What a quantity of entrails - CALCULATED an
astonished Frenchman, unconsciously to himself.
Well might he be astonished, the spray on the
exeerable vegetable, had spattered her dress from
bead - fnat 20 xv.otf ~. IL
occurred, | had mechanically returned my hand
kerchief to my pocket, but it's contents remained.
What a monster must it have been,' observed
a young lady, as she helped to relieve my victim
from her cruel situation. "Ideclare | should think
he had been living on caulitlower.'
At that moment | felt some one touch me and
turning, ] saw my companion who had come with
me.
Look at your pantaloons," he whispered.
Already half dead with the confusion and disas-
ter | had caused, | cast my eyes upon my once white
dress, and saw at a glance the horrible extent of my
dilemma. I had been sitting on the fated pocket,
and had crushed out the liquid butter, and the soft,
paste-lIke vegetable, which had bedaubed and drip
ped down them, till it seemed as if it were actually
dissolvng my pantaloons.
Darling from the spot, Isprang to the place where
| had left my hat; but before | could reach it, a
sudden storm OF wrath was heard at the door.
"Sa-r! bette! sac-r-e !" the y IN the first syllable
being made to roll like a watohman's rattle, mingled
with another epithet and name that an angry French.
man never spares, was heard rising like q fierce
tempest without the doors. Suddenly there was a
pause; a %gurgling sound, as of one swallowing in
voluntarily-and the storm of wrath again broke
out with redoubled fury. Iseized my hat and OPEN
cd the door, and the whole matter was at once ex-
planned; we had exchanged hats-and there he
stood. the soft caulilower gushing down his cheeks,
binding his eyes, filling his mouth, hair, mustachois.
ears and whiskers. Never shall | forget that spec
tacle.s There be stood estrids, like the COLOSSUS,
and STOPPING gently forward, his eye forcibly closed,
his arms dropping out from his body, and dripping
cauliiower and butter from every pore.
staid no longer; but retaining his hat, | rush
ed from the house, jumped into a facre," and
arrived safely home, heartily resolving, that to my
latest hour, | would never again deliver a letter OF
introduction.