Maumee City express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1838-184?, 1839-09-14

FISHING AND MATRrMoNY.-Flam tells o
good story Of a man who was SO inordinate
ly fond of "going fishing" that he was
fearful of appointing a day for his marriage
lest it might turn out fine weather for his
favorite sport. The thing was finally set
tied by contract of this nature: -" The
marriage shall be consummated on Monday
next, provided the weather is such as to
prevent fish from biting. Ifit should not
so turn out, it shall be postponed until the
first day favorable for matrimony, u,ce per-
sd for fishing"
Were we in the girls place, such chap
might fish somewhere else for wile.--.N.
o. Picayune.
SERENADINo. Anindivitual in the upper
part of our city, who was honored with n
serenade by some of our friends night be-
fore last, very uncourteously told the sere-
naders that they might saw his wood ifthey
saw fit, but as for making useless noise
about his house, he would not stand any
such nonsense.-.N o. Plcayune.
SILK MANIA.-A gentleman from Frank
lin, in the very worst stage of the silk fever
went into Banks Arcade yesterday after
noon, with a friend. So engaged were
they IN talking about slips, silk worms, SC.
&c., they entierly forgot The object of their
visit, until the bar-keeper asked them
"what they would take" "Give us u
couple ofglasses of moruS muHicaulis," ;" said
the enthusiastic silk speculutor. "We
have nonc," returned the bar-keeper, "but
we have as good orgeat as any in the
place."
THE DEVIL s IN IT.-A certain reprobatc
person found great difficulty in putting on
his surplice. "Damn this surplice, )" said he
to his clerk, 81 think the devils in it,"
The clerk was so ustonished that he could
not answer till the parson had actually got
it on, when he said, 81 think us how lis,
zur.'
THE Sign MANUEL.--A certain bruising
parson, of the name ofDay, being examined
at the Old Bailey on some point, the laudable
custom of the court, attempted to brow beat
him: 81 think you are the brulSing par
son." said he. 81 am" answered the rev.
erend divine, and ifyou doubt it, and will
come out of court, | will give it you under
my hand"
TrrnE CoMMUTATIoN An Irishman,
speaking of the rapacity of the clergy in eX-
acting the tthes, SAID. Try is, let
farmer be ever so poor, they won't fail to
make hlm pay their full tenth, whether he can
ornot; nay, they would find it in their hearts
instead ofthe tenth to take the twentieth, if
the law would permit them"
WELLERIsMs.- hope haven't hurt your
feelings" as the raisn-seed said to the hol-
low tooth. Home is home, if it is ever
so homely," as the clam SAID ven he vas dug
out. "l'll be hanged lfT do" as the Grim
inal said ven the Sheriff told him to step up
on the gallows. "Any thing to make a
shilt,"a the man said ven he scrubbed
his teeth with nail brush in barber's
shop.
The following story is related by an old
gentleman, of your" half horse and half al
igator" st. Lawrence boatmen. Said he,
she is hard -head-for he stood under an
oak in a thunder storm when the lightning
struck the tree, and he lodged it seucnteea
times, when finding he could not dodge it
any longer, lie stood and took nine claps in
succession on his head and never hnched!"
Somebody during Jog's late visit to Gin
cinnati told him that" "snow is the poor mans
manure in Ohio" eyes" said jog, sand an
other adnge mentions, shat death is the
poor mans reief-I consider both of them
rather cold comfort any how you can ar
range it."-.N. o. Times.
A JACK OF ALL TRADBs.-Among other
accusations brought by one western editor,
he says that he teaches a class in Sunday
school in the morning, and plays poker all
the afternoon! There's consistency for
you.-Cm. Rep
A York TRICK OF swApprNG.-While |
Mr.. Clay was stopping at Newburgh. on his
way to New York, he was presented, by a
halter of that place, with an elegant chapeau,
manufactured expressly for the occason.
He declined accepting it. however, unless
permitted to pay for it. You'll perhaps
spup them" said the manufacturer. Laugh
ing at the mans ingenious device TO gain his
point, Mr.. Clay then dotted his own
" shockin bad hat," and received the new
one in exchange. "Now," said the trades
man, as soon as Mr.. Clay's chepeau was in
his possession, 81 wouldn't give this piece
of felt for fifty of the handsomest new hats
that was ever turned off the block. - Gin.
Rep.