Staunton spectator, and general advertiser. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 183?-1849, 1839-08-08

uCNCt Sau US Ulcsl.
There is feeling Implanted in the
human breast, which makes sympathy n
necessary oil our existence, and he who
carries with hi IN an uncommunicabIs
sorrow, bears load, which becomes
more and more painful each hour Of his
life. Such is ny lot.
To relieve the feelings which some.
times seem bursting from my breast.
VII attempt 10 pourtray my sufferings-
on this pure unsullied sheet transcribe
my crimes. To whom do write. To
myself lOne--a second self can only
know my temptations, my fall and the
agony endure. If there was The mos,
remote probability thu, one human be.
ing would ever know my guilt, could
not bear the thought and live. No, no
it shall die with me whatever it NAV
cost TO suppress the ulterance of my
pangs-l must acquire more self control
II must learn TO conceal from ell, the
dark cloud which comes over my soul
l have flown from my crowded spart.
ments, where beauty, talent aud fashion
are assembled. My wife gives a musi.
Cal soiree--a band Of newly arrived
Gesmsn musicians are there. Sac uev.
er looked more beautiful, nor seemed in
better spirits, than when waiting for the
assembling party but | have dashed
hei enJoyme'!! for The evening, Yes. |
who, were II III my power, would
make her lie gorgeous pageant, a fairy
cream. As left the room, she caught
glimpse of my countenaDce, she per-
ceived that my dark hour was upon me
II knew it from her expressive fea-
lures, and know that whilst many are
listening TO the matches powers OF her
voice, or her unequalled touch of the in
strument, willis, others admire her tran.
scenden, beauty-her triump hs-h,r en-.
Joymen,s are over. She follows in her
thought he who possesses her heart =
She would Willingly fly to soo:he, to
symPatliize with him; but she knows it
Is in vain. She knows there are mo-
ments when she, even she is excluded
~'rom the presence Of one who has sac
Iihced-what has he not sacrificed to
obtain her II she knew, high souled
and proudly virtuous as she is-that her
husband is a-a-I canno: write :he
word which would truly pourttay me.
She never shall know it-no, no the
secret is mine, aud mine it shall
be to the grave. The be.
You'd the grave-what then ?-awav, a.
way! such thoughts distract me. |
must not, cannot. dwell upon them.
Men call me good-honest. They
look up 10 me as man of probty, they
cite my name among the most honorable
Could they look into my soul what
foul corruption they would behold in
one they esteem so highly. feel how
unsatisfactory are their concentrations,
and yet could not live without them.
crave them as diseased appetite
Graves delicious food. Yes, yes, shall
ever walk among them as one without
stain or blemish, and transmit to my
cbildcn an unsulied name Is there Il OF
one more mighty than man-who sees
ali-knows all Let him tell my tale !!
Ambition was ever my ruling passion
Ia my youthful days, what high aspi-
rings, what iongipgs after distinction
possessed my soul. Sometimes fanced
myself Demosthenes. guiding charm
ed multitude by my eloquencc again
imagined possessed great political in
ffuence, and controlled the destinies Of
nations: in short, there is no telling the
various flights to which my fancy scared
in my day dreams OF the future. One
by one these imaginings were dispersed
by realities; either the want Of talent or
circumstances controlled my destiny
My way seemed impeded by every
obstacle until found myself obliged TO
submit. to coDfine my ambition to the
sphere OF merchant, entered into
business with every advantage, and nv
restless soul impelled me TO endeavor 10
become the first among merchandise
he cited as the grestest--.he wealthiest
My name known in every part OF the
world where commerce has sent her
"emissaTies. To have my ships traverse
every sea-yi8it every climc-and bring
by my power the productions of every
nation TO my store houses. After all is
not merchant sort ola prince? How
many sue TO him for favors. how manv
depend on him for means of living -
When surrounded by his clerks. the
captains of his ships, bis porters, in sbcrt,
the numerous persons in his employ, is
he not like king among his subjects ,
l entered largely into dashiDg specula-
- tons was fortunate; and every one
ooked upon me as prosperous and sue.
cessful man. Socieiy-tbe sol. disan.
first 10 our city opened its arms 10 me-
fashion sanctioned my admittance, aud
became iavorite.
hriohf afar eoop .z~oJ =. ~