The Rodney telegraph. (Rodney, Miss.) 1838-1840, 1839-08-08
PLUTO AND THE DISEASES

"
The Yankeestake 70 long to diet
Quoth he, "Alas! there was time,
! They oil came posting in their psisaes y
But now think the Villains try
With old Methuselah to vie,
Since ali they do Il done with speed
But dying fast to serve our need;
For in their land Of notions cum
Upon my conscience) it would
All things but dying went by stel
So now they hardly recompense
For making out the yearly censd
Thus have called you in aSeW
The reason Of hisfact e show, .
That we map plan some method clever,
10 coax then here as fast as ever,
And help our friends to cut shine, "a
Who make great coats of bits of Pine. N
Sir Fever, you begin the story, =
That robs your names of half the;r glory"
my liege, own with many sigh,
can't persuade the rouges to die,
bake, and roast, and fry and stew them
! pour hot lava through and through them
And Of their heads with eagar pains,
Hot ovens make to burn their brainst .
But all in vain, for as think i
To give fare his final pink,
The villain frowns a calm defiance,
And swallows with profound reliance,
A dose Of things called Petcrs' Pills,
Which all my bubbling lava chills, Z
And instant stops the work of slaughter: +
And leaves his blood as pure as water.n
Here grim Dyspepsia put his chat in,
my lege-my licge, the truth he's pat in.
For even my plans are oft demolished,
BY that deceiver's arts SO polished;
choak the stomach-sour the chyle.
Distend the spleen, disturb the bile,
And guard so well each leak and drain.
That all that enters must remain,
But then when all In smO0fh and nic>
TO send my job home in trice, .
He takes those awful Pills Of Pcteu'.
AS gaily as glass of bitters,
And all my agents, left and right,
Are put to instantaneous fight:
Indeed it sometimes makes me laugh.
TO see the rascals scampering or"
Now Palsy pale his voice intruded,
81 too, great Pluto, am included,
In the unfortunate diseases
This doctor drubs whene'er he plea.es,
take my man, and grippe his bowels.
Though stupid the while in smoking towea
And shake him as the At increases.
Until you'd think he'd fall to pieces:
But when in earth hope to cram him.
In steps that DR.. Peters-d--m him.
And makes my patient, in shock,
AS sound and steady as a rock.n
"And l." quoth Jaundice, edo my best
To kill-but fail like ali the rest,
As when those pills begin to play,
l must be off like yesterday,
For soon the cheeks L marked for doom.
Begin like any rose TO bloom.a
Groan'd Colic-"My complaint 3 the sama
And am losing all my fame:
Those Pills of Peters, I'm inclined
10 think, pervade the very wind,
For wheresoe'er 60 to work,
They fan upon me like Turk:
So-(all unequal to the strifc,)
run away to save my life
And If the past we're bound to curse
The future viii be ten times worse;
For by patented machine,
which l IN Gotham late have seen.
lie makes with ease, I've heard him say,
Five hundred thousand pills day.
So that the chance is very small.
Ofpeople dying there at all"
Here acknowledgements
And Gout-by turns took the question:
When followed ten blue devils whining,
with Scurvy, Ague, and Plague repining,
al tnat unsparlng scourge of ills
BY all men known as "PETERS, PlLLS.s
The king of terrors loox'd the while,
AS though his soul were turn'd to bile:
And poured ten thousand oaths Of dread,
On the devoted Doctors head;
Then thus addressed the gentle crew:
.Sweet devils, this will never do,
our tyrant must be bribcd by Death,
os THERE'S AN END TO LOSING BREATH,
At least, IL he's above temptation,
Inc only way to save the nation,
As oy Yankee speculation
FOR instance, pay the rogucs so prying,
50 many dollars each for dying;
Or (Which the end as well fulhis,)
For swearing against PErERs, Puts.
Up whlrr'd at once that hungry pack,
with Death frah mounted at their back,
All shrieking wild with hope and vii,
Tor vengeance on the gallant pill,
ana hence all ye who'd fain resort,
For cash in hands to Pluto,s court.
n.ep Iortn at once, nor wait for thinking,
6ut take NO pills, and die like winking.
6ut ye who'd laugh at Collie GRIM
W Wno snake old Govt from breast or limb;
mno.d make Slow Fever skip away,
Al a nlmbiy as hunted flea;
w, moo dnye hot Headache from your noddle: /
Moo Wno,a make both Spleen aud Scurvy toddle;
Wno'd forceDun Care to take a trip;
VI give Old Death himself the slim
lone one, come all, and have your Wills,