Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1839-01-18
NO. 90.

portion OF mankind who are always either
naturally or habiluully behind hnnd. This
trait of their character is easily discovered
in every thing that relates 10 their conduct
and pursuits in life. Such a man goes TOO
late 10 bed, and as necessary consequences ,
gets up TOO late in the morning. Being out
Of bed too late, be stoo late 10 breakfast. and
this damages his HOUSEHOLD all the forenoon;
II he makes 40 appointment-he never gets
to The place in season and il be is toemeet
a board of directors, or any other public body
wha;ever is always twenty minutes or hall
an hour TOO late, and upon being reminded
that he obliged his associates TO wait. and
thereby 10 waste their time, he charges tho
delay 10 his watch. which like its owner. is
always invariably at least quarter OF On
hour 10 slow.
If he has made arrangement 10 leave
town in stage be commonly forces the
carriage 10 wait some time. or. what is NOT
very uncommon, is left behind. If he in
tendsio make his departure ia the steam
boat YOU will meet him two streets offas the
last bell tolls, and after running down 10 the
bari ill he is ont Of breath, be finds the
boat hauled of, and if be gets aboard a, all.
il is by the long boat and often at the hax
lie worship he never reaches the church
until after the services commence. and great
| ly disturbs the congregation BY entering in
the midst Of their devotional exercises.
In short, such men labor. and toll. aud
drudge on through life, Just as uniform and
regular in their concerns half an hour Toe
late. as punctual people are in season. ii
such persons could, by some exertion. re-
deem bali an hour, and set their watches
right, they might 90 on with the same ease
they do now, and always be in season.
An inmate ola mad house being asked
what brought him there, replied" A Nero
bubble ofwords, sir. said every body was
mad. and every body said was mad-and
the majority carried it"
A March FOR VAN AMBuRoH,-The
proprietor OF a menageiie now exhibiting
| at Hamburger. advertises an elephant whom
he has taught TO dance upon the tight rope
and TO play the Jews harp; besides which
he has whole family Of tiger cubs. as tame
as kittens. that allow the guests TO handls
them as much as they like
"A man in Fall River sdver'ises Smack
for sale. Its dead spec my FRIEND decent
folks can get smacks enough where they
grow. you had better save yours for your
wife. il you have any. and If not You will
find them very useful in getting one"
A Gentle Hint--An uncle left 10 his will
eleven silver spoons to his nephew. adding.
III have not left him the dozen he knows
the reasop" The fact was the nephew had
some time before stolen it from bis relative.
A Busy feilOc,-Ther is an editor down
East who is not only his own composiloy.
prcssman ard devil. but keeps tavern is vii.
lage schoolmaster captain in the militia
mends his boots and Shoes makes patent
Brandreth pills, peddes essence and Tin ware
two days in the week. and always reads SER
mons on the Sabbath, when the minister hap
pens to be missing In addition 10 all this
he has wife and sixteen children.
GrThat's nothing for an Editor.
A Challenge to the World-A Mr.. Will
Jams. of Kinds county, Mississippi. who
lately "used up" celebrated marksmau Of
Claiborne county. in a rife shooting. now
throws down the gauntlet to any man, any
named distance. from twenty to sixty yards.
of hand, with rifle gun. for any amount Of
money tina, may be named His residence
is near New Town. Kinds county. Missis-
sippi. Who will Try h,m2
CURIOUS, One pint Of water converted in-
10 steam fills a space ofnearly two thousand
pints and raises the piston OF a steam engine.
with force many thousand pounds. IL
may afterwards be condensed. and reappear
as pint Of water. .e4
The Picayune says the milk in New Or
leans always has true and poetical appear
ance. being of the color Of true hearts. sky
biue'-and that it tastes like moonshinc as
though il were skinned on the top hol,om.
and sides.
Society is like large piece OF frozen wa.
ter there areihe rough places tobe Stunned.
the very slippery ones all ready fora fall, and
the holes which seem made expressly to
drown you. All that can be done is 10 glide
lightly DER them all. Skating well. is the
arr of social life
A SAMpLE-A drunken fellow taken up
in New Orleans. remarked that his brother
went round giving lectures on intempersnso
while he followed, giving samples oil ths
same A valuable assistant
Job SAYS there Is no,biu' new under tho
SIM 4 don't mean 10 tell Job he lies but 4