Richmond enquirer. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1815-1867, 1839-04-16
PLUTO AND TIE DISEASES.

OLD Pluto lately caiId his clan
OF agents round him to a rnan,
TO know at once he reason Why
The Yankees 'akr 50 long 10 Dc;
Quoih he, Alas, there vas / tiInc,
They all came posting IN 'hrir priw!e,
But row | think the vi.lIIns Try
With old MriIuss!ah TO vie:
Since ali they 90 is done wish speed,
But dying :.>i 10 serve our nrcdi
For in their Land nf nG.:,"~ cunning,
OF pushing, crushing, driving. G.;:"ing,
(UpUn rIy CUn.cicnce) /. would seem,
AIllhirgs but dying ven, by steam,
81 now they hardly rrcompyrSe Us,
For making out The yearly census.
Thus have called you IN row,
The reason Of this !acl 10 .i,pw.
That ne may plan some method clever,
r., coar ir.,., hero ~ 'a.' ~'',-.
And help our friends 10 ca, Il SHINE,
" no make great coats Of bits Of pine.
SIR Fever, YOU brgIn the story,
1'ha, ro5s your nanes u! half their glory"
"My liegr, 1wn with many Sigh,
| can persuade the rogucs To DE-;
| bake, and roast and Try, aud stew them,
| pour hot lava through and through them,
Aud % theI heads with eager pains,
Hot ovens make 10 burn lI!rIr brains;
Blu, all IN vain, for as ih.LIi
To give fare his i!naI pink,
The villain irOwns 4 calm defiance,
Ard swallows with profound reliance,
a dose oi things called Peters Pills,
Which al my bubb!Ing lava chIlls,
And instant stops the work Of slaughter,
And lsav"s his blood I pare as water
Here gum Dyspepsia pui his chat IN,
"hly Irge-my i;cge, the truth he's pat in,
For even my plans Of demolished,
By thai drcrlyerS arts 81 polished;
] choke ;he s'vrnach-sour The CHI, Ie,
Dis,end The spleen: disturb the bile,
And guard so well each leak and drain,
That all that enters must remain;
But then when ali is smooth and nice,
To send my JOB home IN 4 tric',
lie takes those awful pulls Of Peters,
As Gaiiy as a glass OF bI,ters,
And al my agents, left ard right,
Are put 10 instantaneous flight;
lndsed /, snInriInes makes ING laugh,
To sac the raScais scamperlng u
Now Palsy pae his VOICE Inrrud.d,
" too, grea, Pluto, an included,
In the unfortunate diseases
Tins doctor drubs when"e r he p!enses;
lake my man and grIpr hts bowels,
Though STUPID The wnrIe in smoking towels,
And shake him as III. fl, increases,
Until you'd think he d TALL TO pieces;
But when hope in earth To cram HIM,
In steps that DR. Prters--d-n him,
Aud makes my patient, m shock,
AS sound and steady as a rock.
"And !, quoti Jaundrce, do my best
To kill, but Ial like all The resi-
AS when those pills begin to play,
must be oil like yesterday.
For soon the cheeks marked for doom,
Begin like any rose 10 bloom"
GToan'd Cp!ic-"Aly complaints the same,
And | an losing all nv fame:
Those Pills of Peters I'm inclined
To think, pervade the very wind,
For wheresoe' er go to work,
They fail upon me like Tufk:
Social unequal to the srI!e)
! run away 10 save my life
And if The past were bound 10 curse
The future will be ten times worse
For by patented machlnr,
Which in Gotham late have seen,
He makes with ease, We heard HIM say,
Eve hundred thousand pills duv.
So that the chance is very small,
or people dying there at ALL"
Here Headache Tape. worm-In Indigestion,
And Gout-by turns took up the question;
Then followed ten blue dc wis. whining,
With Scurvy, Ague, and Plague repinlnr,
Al that unsparIng scourage of Ills
BE all men known as "PErEHs' PILLS."
The king OF terrors look d the while,
As though his soul were turned 10 bile;
And poured Ten Thousand oaiIS o! dread,
On the devoted Doctor 5 hrad;
Then thus address d the gentle crew;
"Sweel devils, this will never do,
Your ,yrant must be bribed by Death,
Or there's an end to losing brcath,
AT leas, if he's above temptation,
The only way 10 save the nation,
Ia by Yankee specuai"n-
For instance. pay the rogues, so prying,
So many dollars each for dying;
Or (Which the end as well iuils)
For swearing against PETERS Puts"
Up whirr'd at once that hungry pack,
With Death fresh mounted at their back,
All shrekng wild with hope and will,
For vengeance on the gallant pill
And hence, all ye who'd iain resort,
For cash in hands, TO P!utos court,
Step forth al once, nor wait for thinking,
But take so pills. aud die like winkins.
But We, who d laugh nj Choiic GRIM
Who'd shake old Gout from breast or limb;
Who'd make slow fever skip away
AS nmbly as hunted flea;
Who'd drive hot Headache from your noodle.
Who'd make both Spleen and Scurvy toddle:
Who force Dull Care 10 take trip;
Or give Old Death himself the slip;
Come one, come ALL and have your wills,
By PATRosIsISG PETERS PILLS.
.,J