Maumee City express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1838-184?, 1839-06-22
MAUMEE CITY EXPRESS.
SATURDAY, JUNE %. 1889.
TIE RIVAL EDITORS, or Big Smith and
Lille Smith.-In the city Of -, stua-

we have suppressed the name of the afore-
said city, county and state, this true histo-
ry Is merely the coinage of our own brain,
for we do assure you, that the place we have
in view is as real, right up and down city
as any 'burgh' you ever saw, with two
streets that have houses on them and fifty
that have not, three brick merchants stores
and six wooden ones, two houses with green
window blinds and white paling fences in
front, plank walk in front of the aforesaid
paling fence, and foot of mud in front
of the plank walk; and fifty other houses of
all the miscellaneousness that forbids par
ticular desciiption;-in this city of---ns ns
we said before, the venue of this history is
to be laid. The good people of this good
city Of - had, for long time, nay, for
u time which the memory of man, IN this
ogue country, runneth not to the contrary,
patronzed weekly newspaper, of ;he d.
mensions usually denominated the seven
by nine," which said weekly sheet was de-
voted to the business Of keeping the world
informed as to the number of individuals
who entered and left this state of mortal en-
istcnce, within the limits of the city, the
number Of loving persons who committed
matrlmony, and paid the printers fees on
that interesting occasion, and the number of
brick, stone and wooden houses that annu-
ally raised their roofs high, their chimneys
higher, and their smoke higher still, III the
circumambient atmosphere, that gambolled
and frolicked and played and sung aud whis
tied around said roofs and chimneys, and up
and down the aforesaid streets and side
walks.
Now, it does so happen, in this world
and, why, we ask, with perfect feurlessness
of contradiction, should the city of E
differ in this respect from the rest of the
unverse?-it does so happen, as we said
before, that when people are very anxious
to make great improvements, they frequent
ly improve the wrong way, and is it SANDER
to the good people ofthe city of-- to
say that they did like all the rest of the
wordl No! boldly No! certainly No.
These good people were determined to i'm
prove their newspaper. They did not like
it as it was; it had been so long enough;
and then they withdrew their patronage,
and then they scolded because it had nc
patronage; and so they went on, talking We
ry reasonably all the while, and very loud
too, until, Mt last, as the most effectual way
of improving their newspaper they de-
tcrmined to get up another and run it out.
The rest of this true history is but a pic
ture ofthe ferce-the superhumun struggles
of the " The Bull-frog Reporter and Gray
fog Advocate" rnd "The Whitefrosl
Courier and Grcen-g goose Chronicle" tol
mastery, influence and dear life; and here
we are rresistably called upon to draw .
likeness of the heroes who stood forth il
front of the battle for each of their respec
tive parties, and nobly and valorously pulled
each other to pieces in the face of the whole
world, for the good of the country and the
universe. Big Smith and Little Smith (fol
why should we be guilty of flattery to emf
hent livingcharacters?) are the names whicl
the heroes of this tale must bear, till dealt
drops the curtain between them and u.s.
, Then and not till then shall our lips be un
seuled-then will we hang out their true
names 10 the world, TO be enclosed in gi
f dcd frame of glory forever. Blooming, bur
. ly and bombastic, was Big Smith, Of the
Chronicle; sallow, slim and sarcastic wa
Little Smith Of the Bull-frog Reporter an,
, Gray fog Advocate, and as different wer'
tie rival editors in their inner as in thei
outer man. Big Smith strobe over the Ian
: guage, like an elephant among brooa o
chickens, turning his tropes and figures top
sy turvy and scattering orthography, ETY.
mology syntax and prosody in all directions
and if his park Of editorial artillery did no
always hit the mark squinted at, he had tht
satisfaction Of knowing that it not only mad'
. great noise, but generally knocked hin
over in the recoil. Little Smith,on the contra
ry, walked through his mother tongue, like
lOafer getting on a ragged pair of paptaloons
as likely to get his limbs into a rent as into
the hole the tailor made, and (speaking o
guns) his piece Of ordnance generally spl
t at every discharge and carried offregiment'
, of his friends at a broadsde. Is it strange
then, that a war ensued between two heroe.
so bellicose in their natures, and so diverse
in their tastes? No! Their natural state
was knocking eaci.othcr into pi,' and at i
they went. First, Little Smith advanced
,, upon Big Smith in 'square;' then march
ed up Big Smith and made demonstration il
: two ffquares;' Little Smith, not to be ou
done, reinforced to half column; Big
, Smith hanged awav with n full column