Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1839-08-01
From 81, Alexond,;. Gs,.,,a

The BACHELORS CLuB Of Pittsburr had a sp;r-
it.ssirring celebration on the Fourth Of July, with
numerous tossis, and q most formidable Declare
ton Of Independence. The "fellows" OF The Soci-
ely, Judging tom their sentiments. proved them
selves at least good "spokesmen," whatever may
be thought Of their peculiar ideas with regard TO
that unblessed apportionment Of time and life, to
which they find themselves restricted. We quote
a few Of their quibs direct, and the exordium Of their
Declaration, for the benefit Of that forlorn brother.
hood, whose they are and whom they ssrye.
ToAsTs.
The Day.-The memory Of the single men who
made Il the most glorious -four anniversaries with
OUT waiting for asivice from 'the home department.
Bachelor Oid1ack, ''the Antiquory.''-The dust
OF forgeiiulness shall not obscure his memory, tho
we should wipe il away with our best pocket hand
k~crcbiefs hcmmed by the fnirest Of " woman kind. I"
The first sleep IF The frsf Mas.-Was his 90
cond or third so long OF so sound
Our iaciinafions -" Let US alone" and no tariff
Of duties upon them. nd valorem or specific.
Good old Socrates Tho oracle called him tho
wisest Of men. His rib found him the most patient
Of sufferers.
The ~tea-tabie cauens.-Not sanctioned by our
constitution, even when its members would elect
our rulers in their :" private capacity"
The Man In The Moon.--Hs seems 10 be a single
gentleman, though his face is not always unclouded.
After this last confession Of 1he Club, il were
useless to quote more Of their sentiments. That
speaks the inward wound, the rnisas oceaitxm,
which they al lentertsin. The Declaration, comes
with poor grace a6crward, though drawn up
throughout with the most legal precision.
Declaration Of Independence By the Baeheiors'
Cfnb, in their oun proper persons assem6ied.
When, in the sincerity Of certain feeling, II be-
comes convenient for one clsss Of people TO refuse
the domestic bonds which are prepared for them by
another, and TO retain among the ~singulars Of the
18Th A.. - I'LL
the benificence Of Nature and of Natures God has
entitled them. a decent respect for the conjunclions
OF mankind. requires that they should declare the
causes which restrain them from amalgamation.
We hold these truths TO be self-evident-that all
men are created single; that they are endowed by
their Creator with certain comfortable rights; that
among these are pence, liberty, and the pursuit Of
happiness; that to secure these rights, celibscy 10
cherished among men, receiving its just privileges
from a dislike to be governed; that whenever any
form Of government becomes dangerous TO these
ends, il Is the right Of Bachelors TO reject, or avoid
IL, and to support their own government, resisting
its foundation on such feelings and organising its
policy in such form, as TO them shall seem most
likely to secure their safety and happiness. Po-
litcness, indeed, will dictate, that customs long es-
tsblishcd should not be disregarded for light and
transient causes; and accordingly, all experience
bath shown that singles are less disposed to be
N"""'''t "Hhc n"SuiofHy - SoHntOHtnDicS suou "
yoke themselves, by denouncing the liberty To which
they are accustomed. Bun whom q long train Of
hints and scandals, pursuing invariably the same OBJ
ject, evinces q design TO reduce them under abso-
lutte conjugality, ii is their right, il is their duty to
denounce such customs and to provide new srgu-
ments for their future tranquility. Such has been
the unjust treatment Of Bachelors and such 10 now
the necessity which constrsins them to hold fast
their fayorite state of existence. The history Of
the present age Of small talk Is a history Of repea-
ted winks and inuendoes, all having in direct object,
the establishment of an absolute coatrol over US
Bachelors. To prove this, let facts be submitted
to an immortal world.