Richmond enquirer. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1815-1867, 1839-04-30
PLUTO AND TIE DISEASES.

ON Pluto lately cald his clan
Or agents round h'n 10 4 man,
To know al once the reason why
TIE Yankers take 50 long 10 de;
Quo;h he, Alas there was time,
1hey all came posting IN their prime,
But now think thu villains try
With old MelhussIah To VII:
Since all they DO is done with speed
But dYiRg fast In serve our need
FIR in their land of notions cunning,
or pushing, crushing. driving. duEnIng,
(Upon my consCieuce) ii wru!d seem,
All things but dying went by steam,
S" now they hardly recnmpsnse US,
For making out The yearly census.
Thus have called YOU in a row,
The reason Of this fact 10 show,
That We may plan some method clever,
10 coax them here as fast as ever,
And helm our friends In chi shine,
" hu make great coats of bits Of pine.
SIR Fever, you brgIn the story,
That rohs your names of half their glory"
only iiege, own With many sigh,
can'l persuade the rogues to de;
bake, and roast and try, and stew them,
pour hot lava through and through them,
Aud Of their heads with eager pains,
hot rycns make 10 burn their brains;
Bat ali in vain, for as think
10 give lart MS maj PINK,
The VILLAIN irowns 4 calm defiance,
And swallows with profound reliance,
A dose OF things called Peters Pills,
Which all my bubbling lava chile,
And instant stops the work of slaughter,
And leaves his blond as pure as wa,er.
Here gan Dyspepsia put his chat in,
only !!rgr-my itge, the truth hr s pat in,
For even my plans are oft demolished,
BY that drccver ) arts so Polishrd;
! choke the s,omach-s1ur The chyie,
D,s,end the spleen. disturb the bile,
And guard so well each leak and drain,
That all that enters must remain;
But then when all is smooth and nice,
To send my job home in tric',
Tle takes thuse awful pills Of Peters
AS aaly as ghss OF bilers,
And all my agents, len and right,
Are put tn instantaneous fight;
Ind ed il sometimes makes me laugh,
10 see the rasCnls scampering oft
Now Palsy pale his voice lniruded,
al too, great PLUTO, am included,
In the unfortunate diseases
This doctor drubs whene' er he peases;
take my man and grippe his bnwpls
Though stupid the while in smoking towels,
And shake him as the fit increases,
Until you'd think he'd fall TO pieces;
But when hope in earth TO cram him,
In steps that DR. Pslers--d--n him,
And makes my patient, in Il shock,
AS sound and steady as a rock.
"And :" auoth JaundIce, edo my best
To kill, but fail Ike all the rest
As when those pills begin 10 play,
must be off like yesterday.
For SOON the cheeks marked for doom,
Begin like any rose to bloom ~
Groan'd Cnllc-"My complaints The same,
And am losing all my fame;
Those Pills Of Peters I'm inclined
To think, peryade the very wind,
For wheresoc'er go to work,
They fall upon me like Turk:
So-(ail unequal TO The strlle)
run away 10 save my lie
Aud if The past were bound 10 curse,
The future will be ten times worse;
For by patented machine,
Which ! in Gotham late have seen,
He makes with case. We heard him say,
Eve hundred thousand pills day!
So that the chance is very small,
or people dying there al all"
Here Headache worm-1ndigeston
And G"ut-by turns took up the question;
Then followed ten blue devils. whining,
With Scurvy, Ague, and Plague repIning,
At that unsparng scournge Of Ills
By all men known as "PErEns' Pills."
The king of lerrors look d the while,
As though his soul were turned To bile
And poured ten thousand oalhs vi dread,
On the devoted Doctors head;
Then thus ADDRESSED the gentle crew;
Sweet lewis. this will never do,
Your lyrant must be bribed by Death,
Or there's an end TO losing brsath,
Al least if he's above temptation,
The only way to save the nation,
is by Yankee spsculalon-
For instance, pay the rogues, so prying,
So man dnllaTs each for dying;
Or (Which The end as we'll fuIfls)
For swearing against PETERS PILLS"
Up whirr'd al once that hungry pack,
With Death fresh mounted at their back,
All shrIeking wild with hope and will,
For vengeance on The gallant pill
And hence, all sc who'd fain resort,
For cash in hands, 10 Pluos court,
Step forth al once, nor wait for thinking,
But take NO pills, and die like winking
But ye, who'd laugh at Cholic GRIM
Who'd shake old Gout from breast or limb;
Who'd make slow fever skip away
As n;mhly as hunted flea;
Who'd drive hot Headache from your noddle;
w ho'd make both Spleen and Scurvy toddle;
Who'd force Dull Care to take q Trip;
Or give Old Death himself The slip;
Come one, come all, and have your wills,
By PATRoSIsIsG PETERS PILLS.