Litchfield enquirer. [volume] (Litchfield, Conn.) 1829-current, 1838-04-26
MODERN DEFTNITJONs.

+ HOuoT6A, anu IIlOTdltSL COllOCtlluCOe
Rigid Justice-Juror on murder case fast
asleep.
Friend-One who takes your money and
then turns you out of doors.
Poetry-A bottle of ink thrown at a sheet
of foolscap.
.Homesty-Obsolete; term formerly used
in the case Of man who had paid for his
newspaper and the coat on his back.
Independence fifty thousand dol
las, which you never intended to pay.
Livery Stable-A place where you can pay
five dollar bill for the privilege Of being up
set.
Lovely Woman-An article manufactured
by milliners. .
who wants but little here below,
And wants that little for show
Otiune Gum DignitGte-Living at the ex-
pense ofthe public; at the State Hots!, Sing
Sing.
Credit-A wise provision by which consta-
bles get living.
BeneUolence-To take a dollar out Of one
pocket and put it into the other.
A Crusty Old Bachelors Opinion.-Many
women are beloved without knowing it, but
more women think they are loved when they
are not. They generally discover their mis-
take after marriage.
Aman dressed in rags, haggard, and mark
ed with misery, once approached rich man,
and begged for few pence. "But why do
you beg % said the rich man. lam afflic-
ted with secret disease said the beggar,
"and shame prevents my naming it to you"
LET us step aside," said the rich man, sand
tell me your disease; if it is in my power,
will relieve you" They stepped aside, and
the pauper opened his robe. But the rich
of5
"Lsten," said the beggar. "My disease
does not show itself on the skin +; it turks in
my bones, it infests my blood, it reigns over
my nerves and sinews, it restraints my efforts
it paralyzes my body and my mind ii
makes me weak, imbecile, useless; it makes
me wretch it makes me what you see me
"a beggar." What is this horrid disease"
said the rich man. at is Incidence" said the
pauper.--Parley's Almanac for 1888.
A Scotchman's CaH-A young clergyman
of Scotland, being about to leave the scene OF
his orthodox labor for another settlement,
called on an old lady belonging to his con-
gregation, to say farewell, and to thank her
for the kindness he had experienced from her.
"And sac yere gaun to leave U.S." said the
we've been a sober, staid, discreet young
man and doubt nae yell haze your reward.
And where are We about to settle 7" "The
Lord has called me to labor in distant part
of the vineyard" replied the clergyman, 81
have got the Parish of -" "Aye," said
s s"e pend where here ye're gaun!' Why, yes,
expect small increase In cmolument Ger
tainly." "a, weel, thought sac" retorted
the old dame, eff it had nae been the case,
the Lord might haze called long enough and
loud enough before ye would have heard
| his voice."
A fair business transaction. best joke
that has occurred for a twelve month has
been at our expense. 1t will be remember
cd, perhaps, that few weeks since, we gave
notice TO country editors generally, that we
required boot, as the difference OF exchange
between them and us was so great that we
could not afford to do otherwise. Since that
notification, we have received numerous re.
mittances from our rustic brethren, but the
oldest specimen of country currency that
we have yet seen, reached us yesterday
through the post office. 1t was contained in
large package, done up in straw paper.
| We burst open the envelope, and unrolled
till We came to the second-then there was
a third-then fourth-but the hardness OF
the package convinced us that it was not all
paper, till at length, after taking off about
one dozen envelopes, out came huge. old,
worn out, run down, dirty. mashed up. boot,
containing newspaper. from the office OF
one of our brethren in Mississippi, with this
notice" Please exchange-and give us crc-
dit for the boot"
Well, the currency of Mississippi. as ev-
ery body knows; is a long ways below par,
but we had no idea that It had got down to
such low footing. We have no complaint,
however, to make-we asked for boot. and
we have got boot and our brother at Hollcy
Springs shall have the Picayune, in consid-
Grafton of the boot.-N. o. Pic.
What's in a Name 1.-The truth of the fol-
lowing story is vouched for on such excellent
authority, that we must communicate 1t for
the benefit of the amiable veteran Of the
Hermitage
A trim little coasting schooner belonging
to q certain port in Connecticut was launch
ed few years since bearing the name Of
Z" GENERAL JACKSON" Whether the own
ers so far followed in the footsteps of the H.
lustrious Commodore Elliot as to attach to
her figure-head of the hero of New-Or-
leans, we have not yet ascertained. But for
year or two her voyages were tolcrably
prosperous. Lately, however, she has been
unable to obtain any freights. on account of
the unpopularity Of her cognomen; and
though "sound and we'll conditioned" nobo-
dy will ship by her. The consequence has
been, that her owners have been compelled
to let her lie idle.
A short time since gentleman from Bos-
ton, who wished to purchase coasting craft,
arrived at the port where the General Jack
son" was lying. A neat little schooner was
offered him for sale. He was much pleased