Morning herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1837-1840, 1838-07-24
The Town Pump.


The following was sent to us for what il 10 not-sn
original article. II has been published in the New
England Galaxy; but we publish it fortws reasons
ono 10, its ewn intrinsic merits, and the other is de-
sire 10 shame the SENDER and to put others their
guard as to how they attempt to impose on US.
ScskE-The corner Of two principal streets The Town
FuHp taikis through Its nose, soias.
Neon by the north clock noon by the east high
noon too by these hot sunbeams, when fall scarcely
aslope upon my head, and almost make the water
bubble and smoke through my nose. Truly We
public characters have tough time Oft And among
all the town officers chosen at arch meeting where
10 he that sustalns for single year the Durthen OF
such manifold ds,ies imposed IN perpetuty up
on the town pump? The ntle of town treasurer IS
rghtully mine as guardian of the best treasure the
town has. The overseers of the poor ought to make
me their chairman since provide so bouhtfully for
the pauper without expense 10 HIM that pays taxes
am at the head of the fire department. and one of
the physicians of the hoard of health. AS Keeper
Of the peace all water drinkers will confess me equal
TO a constable perform some OF the duties OF town
clerk, by promugailng public notices when they are
pasted on my front. To speak within BOUNDS, am
the chief person Of the municipality, and exhibit
moreover, admirable pattern 10 my brother ofncers,
by the COOL steady, upright, downright and impartial
discharge of my business, and the consistency with
which stand 10 my post. Summer or WINTER nobo-
dy seeks in vain; for all day long am seen at the
busiest corner just above the market stretching out
my arms to rich and poor alike, and al night lantern
IS over nay head, both 10 show where am, and to
Keep people out OF the gutter. AT TINS sultfy neon
tide, am cupbearer to the parched populace. Like
a dram seller on the Mall of muster day, cry aloud
to all and sundry in my Panest accents, and at the
very tip top of my voice. Here Is, gentlemen, here
is the good Iquor Walk up walk up! gentlemen,
walk up walk up Here is the superior stuff
Here the unadulterated ale OF father Adam-beter
than Cogniac, Hollands, Jamaica, Strengthen, or
wine of any price-here il is, by the hogshead or sin
gle glass, and not cent TO pay Walk up gentle
men, walk up, and help yourselves! II were pity
If all this out cry should draw no customers.
Here they come not day gentlemen. Quaff
and away again, 80 as TO keep yourselves IN
nice cool sweat You, my friend, will need another
cup full to wash the dust ou of your throat, it be
as thick there your cowhldc shoes. see that
you have Judged halfscore of miles today and like
wise man, have passed by the laverns and stopped
the running brooks. Otherwise betwixt heat with
out and fire within, you would have been burnt to
cinder or melted down TO nothing at all, in the ia
shlon of Jelly fish. Drink, and make room for
that other fellow, who seeks my aid to quench the
fiery fever Of last nights poaons which he drained
from no cup of mine. Welcome most rublc9nd SIR
You and have been strangers hitherto, nor, TO con-
fcss the truth, will my nose be anxious for close in
timacy, n the fumes Of your breath be little less
potent. Mercy on you, man! the water absolutely
Kisses down your red hot gullet, and is converted
quite into steam in the miniature tophet which you
mistake for a stomach. Fill again, and tell me- or
the word OF an honest TOPPER did you ever, IN cellar
tavern or any other kind Of a dram shop spend the
price of your chdren's food for a swg hall so deli
cious 7 Now for the first time these ten years,
you know the flavor of cold water. Good bye; and
whenever you are thirsty, remember that l keep n
constant supply at the old stand. Who next? Oh
my little friend, you are let loose from school, and
come hiiher TO scrub your blooming face, and drown
the memory of certain taps of the errule and other
school boy troubles. Young life take it, and may
your heart and tongue be scorched with ercer
thirst than now There, sow, my dear child, yield
your place that elderly gentleman, who treads
enderly the paving stones that suspect he is
afraio of breaking them.
What! he lmps by without so much as thanking |
ne, as if my hospitabe offers were meant only for
people who have no wine cellars. Well, well sir
no harm done, l hope2 Go, draw the co.k-tp the |
tecanter, but when your great toe shall set you
roaring, il will be no affair of NINE II gentlemen
love The pleasant tl,laon of the govt, is ail one
10 the Town Pump.
One clockl New, then. il The dinner bell begins
to speak. may as well hold my peace. ~ here
comes pretty young girl of my Acquaintance, with
a large pitcher for 10 fill. May she draw
husband while drawing her water, rs Rachel did of
old Hold out your vessel, my dear! There it is
iull TO the brim so home, peeping at your
sweet image in the pitcher, you go; and forget
not in glass of my. own liquor to drink Success
10 the Town Pump"