The native American., 1838-10-13


came pale as a ghost, and lean as Shakespeare S
| lslippered pantaloonp Was it for this, say, that
| have danced with time-out-oi-mind wall-Aowers,
land puckered my wits into birthday rhymes, and
played groomsman monthly and semi-monthly, at
an unknown expense for new kerseymeres and
bridal serenades? Oh, Tom Corliss! Tom Cor
Ilss! thou hast beaten the bush for every body,
but hast caught no bird for thyselG
"And so-they have each written me a letter,
as they promised,-Let me sce:-"
Dear Tom-How is the vinegar! think see
you with the bottle before you! Who would
have dreamed that you would drink it! Poor
Tom! am married, as you know, and my chill
dren sing, "we are seven." am very happy
very. My wife (you know herr is woman of
Education, and knows every thing. | can't say
but she knows too much. Her learning does pes
ter me little, now and then. confess that if
were to marry again, it would be woman that
didn't read Greek. Farewei,, Tom. Marry and
be virtuous. Yours, Harry.
y. B.-Never marry woman Of talents.
tia! ha! 'happy-very happy" Humbug,
my dear Harry. Your wife is blue, as virulent
as verdigris, and you the most unhappy of Bene-
diets So much for your growing. Well see
another
Tom, pity thee. Thou poor, hannel-wrap-
ped, forsaken, fdgetty bachelor drink thy vine
gar, and grow amiable Here am |, blessed as
Abraham. My wife the most innocent-( Chats
her fault by the way )-the most innocent creature
that lives. She loves me to a foolish degree.
She has no opinion but mine-no will of her
own-(except such as give her, you understand
no faults, and no prominent propensities.
am as happy as | can expect in this sad world
Marry, Tom, marry. ''The world must be peo-
pled.' Thine ever, FRED.
n. B.-"Don't marry woman that is remark
able for her SIMPLICITY
envy not thee, Fred Esperel Thy wife is
fool, and thy children, egregious ninnies, every
one! Thou Would'st give the whole bunch of
their carroty heads for thy liberty again. Once
more
Tom, my lad, get married. Matrimony,"
yol know, rs like jeremiah fgs-the good are
yer eood''-( the rest of the quotation is inapt)
My WI, IS the pretiest woman in the city. Il
wish she wasn't by the wayD My house is the
resort of all the gay fellows about town. I'm
quite the thing (my wife is, that is to say every
where. | am excessively happy--excessively-
assure yourself of that. | grow thin, they say
but that's age. And I've lost my habit of laugh
'ng--but that's proper I'm vestryman. On
the whole, however, I'm tolerably contented, and
think shall live ten years yet-if my wife set
ties down, as she will you know. God bless
you, Tom. How is the vinegar? Well-marry;
mind that.
Yours always, G..
N. B.-I wouldn't marry beauty if | were
you, Tom.
Poor Gourly! His wife's belle, and he's as
jealous as Blue Beard-dying absolutely of cor.
rosion: It's eating him up by inches. Hang the
letters! they make me melancholy. One more
and I'll throw the boding things into the fire
My Sweet Toni hope the gods have pro-
missed thee a new weasand. The vinegar i'm
proves. doubtless, by age. 1t must be satisfac-
ton, too that it is nectar of your own bottIing.
Here | am-the happiest dog that is coupled.
My wife / took warning from Gourlay) is not
run after by pack of puppies. She's not hand
some, heaven knows-Q wish she were a h1Rc
prettier) but she's as good as Dorcas. All! how
we walk and talk, eve'1ings q prefer that time,
as can imagine her pretty, when don't see her,
you know, Tom.) And how we sit in the dim
perceptible figure, and sigh! All, Toni marry
and be blessed-as am.
Yours truly, Phil.
p. S.-Marry woman that is at least gretfu.
Tom.
yours Phil! She is enough to make ones face
ache! And so you are all discontented: ones
wife is too smart, anothers too simple, another's
too pretty, and another's too plain. And what
might not mine have been, had | too been irle
parably husband!
Well, aim an old bachelor. | didn't think il
though, till now. How hard it is to believe ones
self past any thing in this world And is it ma
lot, with all my peculiar fitness for matrmony-
with all my dreams of woman, my romances, my
aspirations after happiness, is it my lot to be
laid on the shelf, after all? Am 10 be Stunned
by sixteen bore-to Be pointed at by school
boys as an "old bachelor shocking title!7 =
to be invited to all superannuated tea-drinkings-
to be quizzed with solicitations for founding hos
pitas-to be asked of my rheumatism, and pes.
tered for snuff, and recommended to warm chairs
Heaven pity me.
| But not so fast What is the prodieious diff
ference? What if | were married.. should
have to pay for whole house instead of part
to feed heaven knows how many mouths instead
of one-to give up my whole bed for a half OF
quarter-to dine at another's hour and not my
own---to adopt another's friendships, and submi
my own to her pleasure-to give up my nap after
dinner for romp with the chiltl-to turn my
library into nursery and my quiet freside into