Maumee express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1837-1838, 1838-01-27
ORIGINAL.
SEMI-MORAL ESSAYS.
DY A RETIRED LADIES MAN.

4
-i1'i g NO. HI. oaie ~
3 You ask me, Bob, to tell ye, Jsais
The consequence of wedding a
! My cousin, from the country,
Miss Ann Amelia Gedding;
| A journey round the Common,
With little wicker carriage, ...
| Each morning through the summer,
| viii come of this same marriage.
| ANONYMOUS.
Speaking Of carriages There are
some curious ideas Of loco-motion con-
nectcd with the thought Of matrimony.
Why is it? No sooner is the benedic-
ton pronounced, which makes husband
Ind wife of a couple who have long been
sighing for the sweets of connubial fell
city, comforting upon them a perpetual
charter to live at home, than away go
the gentleman and lady, with trunk,
band box and budget, and perhaps brides.
maid and poodle, by carriage, car, or
steamboat, as if they were in search Of
the end Of the world, to find place
where to commence the enjoyment of
those still pleasures which arise from the
communion of twin-born souls. If the
bridegroom is in funds, or has married
an heiress, the tour is usually long one
Philadelphia, New York, Boston, Sara
toga are in succession visited, and it is
not till the finances are expended, and
the spirits Of the bride are shaken till
they are any thing but sweet, and the
heads of both are turned by luxury and
dissipation, that they begin to dream Of
that home to which they have turned
their backs, and for whose quictude they
have no pleasant anticipations.
Whether there is law of Nature
which regulates these matrimonial peri
grinations, it is beyond my philosophy
to determine; but that the mania per-
vades all ranks and classes, is expert
mentally true. A member of Congress
takes his wife to Washington, to give
her taste OF high life, in the pleasures
of a winter at the Metropolis; a coun-
try bumpkiu couples up his plough hor-
ses, takes his red-cheeked spouse by his
side, and with string of similar convey
ances, filled with the hard handed beaux
and cherry-cheeked lasses of the neigh
borhood, rumbling behind him, urges his
steeds into an unwonted and hesitating
trot to the next four corners, the stared
at Of all the starers in the township, and
the happiest man, in his own estimation,
of his acquaintance. Nor does the COM
plaisance of the new made "happy man"
stop here, for in most cases, in humble
imitation of his betters, his liberalty is
extended, in all inverse ratio to his abil-
ity, and a heavy purchase horn combs,
red ribbands, and imitalion-gold rings, is
the consequence. n... .a...i la.
This practice Of riding or journeying
after the dose Of matrimony, is SO uni
vcrsal, that have spent much time in
endeavorng to investigate its cause. Ii
has sometimes appeared as a sort of su-
perstitiops observance, handed down by
our. ancestors, while the sources from
which itarose have been forgotten, and |
have for many years been occupied in
taking notes for the formation of table
by which any person desirous of taking
a wife, may learn the exact time to be
spent, and the number Of miles to be
travelled in his bridal tour, with parlicu-
lar reference to his circumstances, which
shall be published with my posthumous
papers, as provided for in clause in my I
will to that effect.
cannot, however, forbear relating
singular case OF the breach of this 9TH
erwise universal law, which, as it was
attended with no injurious consequences,
may serve as an encouragement to 9TH
srs, and save the future construction of
sundry travelling bonnets and riding
lresscs, as well as the purchase of some
willow baskets, straw travelling bags
ind leathern Trunks, with brass plates,
significant of ownership. "A friend of
nine, who had determined that in his
,ase, a wife was designed for use, rather
han show was married. On the morn
hg after the performance ofthe ceremo-
~, having safely packed the effects off
lis wife upon a substantial stwo-horse,
wagon; hemounted upon the top. of the {
conveyance, assisted hisnew wifel,to a /
eat by bis side, and proceeded safelyto i
heir intended residence. In a few hours {
he house was prepared, sthe furniture I
and arranged, and ERE another b
light, the young couple were living asl a
nngly Under their own roof, as if theyl e
I'D been husband and wife for years. ~
Neither have been able to perceivel g