Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1838-12-05

Ct'A" Solu s0ihetuiuS 10 LIT. GraYS 0n {
about polite projections and genuiice. |
tons" which caused litter. aPlague take
the fellows head" said rustic 10 the
tavern-keeper's daughter, 'the nearly
knocked daddy's bralns out The other
night, al the school. house." Here was
general burst Of laughter.
When the Professor entered the room
be was the observed of all observers. -
Reader would you see him Well, then.
fancy to yourself low, square built man.
five feet high aud six feet thick, cased in
grey stockings, black brt sches that fitted
as tight as the skin, and an old clare;. col.
ored coat, dotted over with metal buttons
as large as crownpiece. But YOU would
hear OF the features. will par,icularize
The head was large enough to have suited
a statue ofan Atlas, and was covered over
with long, bushy hair Of the deepest red.
| The brow was low and wrinkled. and
strange to say had nothing philosophy
Cal about 1t. The mouth had an express
ION ot--openncss, say three inches and
hall. The eyes were large and protruded,
between blue and green, and had the
appearance OF inflammation which gener.
ally IS the effect of nocturnal lucrubation.
But the most prominent feature has not vet
been described. His nose-Shade Of Owl.
dius Naso behold yourself surpassed -
his nose, say, from the plain of the plain
est lace IN chrstendom, lowered up, like
Mount Etna, huge and unjulating, and
like Mount Etna, red and fiery at the a.
pea And, what is unusual, his nose bore
a conspicuous part in conversation, for it
warned with his animation, and by sundry
twitchings and gestures seemed to second
the force Of his arguments Suca were
! the figures and features of Professor Har-
dlgan, as they appeared to DR.. Grayson,
who was carlcaturist, and to Herman
Lincoln, who was a Jealous man. They
may possibly be a little oyerstralned.
The Professor had been penpatetically
engaged, as he classcally expressed it,
] 1t was one of those very warm evenings
which will sometimes happen in Indian
summer, and exercise had heated him.
He fe!; oppressed, and scarcely had he ta-
ken his seat between Clara and DR.. Gray
son, and found time, after his Introduction,
to inquire Of the latter at what college he
had graduated, when he so far forgot the
properties of courtly etiquette, which he
| protested 10 teach others, as to pull off his
caret. colored coat and throw it upon the
bed which stood in one corner ofthe room
Such strange conduct excited surprise but
a smile was on the countenance Of every
one as they glanced from their needles TO
the coat that was spread out ON the coun-
erpane-iorming circle, or rather an
oblate spherold; for it was broader than
il was long. Clara was provoked at the
disrespect which the Professor had shown.
and, looking first at the coat and then at
lis owners nose, apparently entering into
the conversation which had been started,
I asked the Professor if he had not gradua-
ted at Brazen-Nose College. The roar
Of laughter was now immoderate, and all
joined in il except Clara and the person IN
terrogated; for, not perceiyng that any
thing was intended, he proceeded regular
Iy to give the history of his collegiate
course. This gave her an opportunity OF
drawing him out in conversation, which
she gladly improved, while DR.. Grayson,
who sat by listening 10 their conversation,
kept thrusting his red pocket handker-
chief into his mouth until it had nearly
disappeared. Starnge conduct, indeed
Was it done to prevent his laughing
During conversation on caloric, in
which DIR. Grayson incidentally mention.
ed the fact, that dark bodies radiate heat
more rapidly than light ones, Clara asked
the Professor ifhe suffered much from cold
hands in understanding at the same
time at the claspod hands of the Cyclops,
as he sat twlrlIng his dingy and begrimed
thumbs. Finding caIoric rather a warm
subject he passed speedily to some remarks
on electricity, but he was mel here again
by the mischievous little wit, who, when
he had observed that the electric shock is
generally felt in the weakest part of the
body, presumed that he had been accus-
toned TO feel the sensation in his head.
The young ladies and gentlemen were
all attention, though they could seldom
comprehend either question or anwser.-
One reply, however, which the Professor
made, they readily understood. While he
was speaking OF astronomy, Clara inter-
rupted him TO know what was meant by
an upside Of the moon. The upside of
the moon, did you ask I? Why the upper
orn, child to be sure. They had become
familiar with his swallowing the latter h,
and readily received orn for horn, as it
was intended. After a loag dissertation
on demonology the Professor related some
freaks Of witches, in which he implicitly.
During his essay, the tavern-keeper's
daughter, amazed at his display Of learn
ing, whispered Clara TO ask the PhiIoso-
nher il he knew where the nhilosnnher's