Maumee express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1837-1838, 1838-02-03
CHAPTER v.
JUSTICE PETTIFoG.

| JUSTICE PETTIFoG. ,.
In the morning the clockmaker it,
formed me that a Justices court was to
be held that day at Pugnose's inn, and he
guessed he could do little business a.
mong the country folks that would be
assembled there. Some of them, he
said, owed him for clocks, and it would
save him world of travelling, to have
the constable and Justice to drive them
up together. If you want a fat wether,
there's nothing like pcnning the whole
flock in corner. ] guess, said he, il
Gineral Campbell knew what sort of a
man that are magistrate was, he'd dis
band him pretty quick; he's regular
suck-egg--a disgrace to The country. ]
guess if he acted that way in Kentucky,
he'd get a breakfast Of cold lead, some
morning, out of the small end of rifle,
he'd find pretty difficult to digest. They
tell me he issues three hundred writs a
year, the cost of which, including that
larnation Constable's fees, can't amount
to nothing less than $4,000 year. II
the Hon. Daniel Webster had him afore
jury, | reckon he'd turn him inside out
and slip him back again, as quick as an
old stocking. He'd paint him TO the life
as plain TO be known as the head ofGen.
Jackson. He's jst fit teller for Lynch
law, TO be tried, hanged, and damned,
all at once--there's more nor him in this
country-there's some of the breed in
every country in the Province, jst one
or two to do the dirty work, as we keep
niggers for jobs that would give a white
man the cholera. They ought to pay
his passage, as we do with such critters,
tell him his place is taken in the Mail
Coach, and if he is found here after "a
hours, they'd make carpenters plumb
bob Of him, and hang him outside the
Church steeple, to try if it was perpen-
dicular He almost always gives his
Judgment for plaintiff, and iflhe poor de-
fendant has an offset, he makes him sue
il, SO that grinds grist both ways for
him, like the upper and lower mill
stone.
People soon began to assemble, some
on foot, and others on horseback, and
in wagons-Pugnose's tavern was all
buslle and confusion-plaintiffs, defend
ants, and witnesses, all talking, quarrel
ling, explaining, and drinking. Here
comes the Squire, said one Pm thinking
his horse carries more roguery than law,
said another; they must have been in
proper wart of timber to make justice
Of, said third, when they took such a
crooked stick as that; sap-headed enough
too, for refuse, said a stout looking far
mer; m1y be SO, said another, but as
hard at the heart asa long elm; howm-
soever, said third, | hope it wont be
long afore he has the wainy side scored
off Of him, any how. Many more such
were made, all drawn from fa-
miliar objects, but all expressive Of BIT
terness and contempt.
He carried one or two large books
with him in his gig, with a considerable
roll of papers. As soon as the obseque-
GUS Mr.. Pugnose saw him at the door, he
assisted him to alight, ushered him into
the best room, and desired the constable
to attend the Squire The crowd i'm
entered, and the Constable
opened the court in due form, and COM
manded silence. IN 81
Taking out a list Of causes, Mr.. Pet
lifog commenced reading the names
James Sharp versus John Slug-call ].
Slug. John Slug being duly called and
not answering, was deiaulted. In this
he proceeded to default some 30
or30 persons at last he cameto cause
William Hare versus Dennis O'Brien
---cal Dennis O'Brien ;lhere | am, said
,voice from the other room--here am;
ind who has any thing to say to Dennis
0'Brienl Make less noise, sir, said the
ustice, or I'll commit you. Commit me
5 it, said Dennis, take care then, Squire
,ous don't commit yourself You are
ned by William Hare for three pounds,
or a months board and lodging, what
ave you to say toit2 Say to It, said
)enpis, did you ever hear what Tim
Doyle said. when he he was going TO be
anged for stealing. a pig says he. ifthe
'ig hadn't squeeled in the bag, I'd never |
Qut, 50 ! ould'nt-Hsol l'lltake :