The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1838-11-13
TIL e DE A ID ALIVE

Some hypochondriacs have fancied themse.
yes niserbly afflicted in one way, and some in
another; some have insisted that they were tea
pots, and some that they were town clocks; one
that he was extremely iii and another that he
was actually dying. But perhaps none of yhis
blue devil class ever matched in extravaganza a
patient OF the late DIR Stevenson OF Baltimore
This hypochondriac, after wringing the change
of every mad conceit that ever tormented II era
zy brain, would have il at last that he was dead,
actually dead DIR Stevenson having been sent
for one morning in great haste by the wife of
his patient, hnstened to his bed side, where he
found him stretched out at full length, h5 hands
across his breast, his toes in contact, his eyes
and mouth closely shut, and his looks cadaver.
GUS Well, sir, how do you ito ? how do you
do this morning ?" asked DIR Stevenson, in ii
iocular way, approaching his bed. " How do |
do !" replied the hypochondriac fintly;"a pref
ty question to ask Il dead man." Dead !" repI
ed the doctor. Yes, sir, dead, qnite dead /
died last night about twelve O'clock" DR. Ste
venson putting his hand gently on the forehead
ofthe hypochondrlac, as if to ascertain whether
it was cold, and also feeling bis pulse, exclaim-
ed IN doIetul tone Yes the poor man is
dead enough It's all over with him and now
the sooner he can be buried the bettern Then
stepping up to his wife, and Whispering to her
not to he frightened at the measures he was a
bout to take, he called to his servant Only
boy your master is dead aud The sooner he can
he put III the ground the better. RIM to G,
for know be always keeps New England cof-
fins by him ready made; and, do you hear,
bring a coffin of the largest size for your mast.
er makes stout corpse, and having died last
night, and the weather being warm, he will not
keep long.-Away Went the servant and soon
returned with proper coffin. The wife aud
family having got their lesson from the doctor,
gathered around him, and how!ed not Il little
while they were putting the body in the coffin.
Presently the pail bearers, who were quickly
provided and let into the secret started with the
hypochondrac for the church yard They had
not gone far, before they were met by one OF the
towns people, who having been properly drilled!
by Stevenson, cried our, All. doctor, what poor
soul have you got there ?"-Poor Mr.. B."
sighed the doctor, left us last night" Great
pity he had not left us twenty years ago" rep.
the other " he was bad man" Presently "a
mother of the townsnen met them with the same
question, sand what poor soul, have you got
there, doctor ?'-" Poor MIR B." answer
ed the doctor again, is dead" All indeed,'
said the other ;"'' aud so he is gone to meet his
deserts at last.' ooh, william :" exclaimed the
man in the coffin. Soon utter this, while the
pail bearers were resting themselves near the
church-yar,, another stepped up with the old
question again, What poor soul have you got
there, doctor ?" Poor Mr. B." he replied,
" is gone" Yes, and TO the botomIess pitt"
said the other; " for if he is not gone there, |
see not what use there is for such place."-
Here the dead man, bursting off the lid of the
coffin, which bad been purposely left loose,
leaped out, excaimng, "Oh! you william am
gone to the botomless pit, am? Well | have
come back again, to pay such ungraceful ras-
Gals as you are" A chase was Immediately
by The dead man after the living,
to the petritying CONSERVATION of many OF the
spectators, at sight of corpse in all the horrors
of the winding sheet, running through the streets.
After having exercised himself into copous
perspiration by the fantastic race the hypochon-
drac was brought home by DR. Stevenson F.; freed
from all his complaints and by strengthening
food, generous wine, cheerful company, and
moderate EXCISE, was soon restored to perfect
health.