Iowa news. [volume] (Dubuque, Upper Mississippi Lead Mines, Wisconsin Territory) 1837-1841, 1838-05-05

ticket in his pocket. Or he may be
walking the same pave with yourself,
laware Of proximity, but secure Of his
1lown incog, behind q pair Of false whis.
lkers.i In short, he may be, and pro-
lbably will be, any where, but where
j you wish to see him. Now take the
lease Of the married man. While Gull
liver was in Lilliput, the little rascals
there fastened him down to the ground
|by driving stakes and tying each indi-
vidual hair OF his head 10 them. Even
$50 married mans little responsible
ties tie him completely. He has as ma
my ties to hold him as he has hairs on
ibis head, and to attempt to break them,
would be about as pleasant as to set a.
bout wedding his skull with shoema-
lker's pincers. Now SO far, as running
away is concerned, you may generally
trust the married man. AS we'll might
convicts numbered with ball and leg
safety chain, undertake to run from his
lash masters as the married man from
his creditors. He is a convict. He has
been tried and found guilty of heat
attuned for matrimonial diet; and pro-
violence smiling on his love he has per-
haps enlarged the family chair, that all
the parts are cried, and the concert
complete-it may be, though not with
out discord. The bars Of such music
are bars to his locomotion. The an
danta is the only movement in the
mans. march, except when his wife
plays voluntary on the broom-sticks,
with a shovel and tongs accompaniment.
Running, other than this, is out Of the
question. He is as secure as the leg
chained convict. To be sure, the lat
ter sometimes breaks his bands, and so
does the MARRIED man; but as the
security in both cases is equal, and as
escapes are extreme cases, creditors are
generally content with the same degree
of caution that the government uses.
If you would be trusted, get married.
IL you maintain mans place in So,
ciety, be married. Ladies rule public
opinion, and they are far from regard
ing those as men who arc content with
picking up ladies' fans and dangling
after them in streets as the full amount
Of mans fealty to the fair sex. There
is respect Of community and they ne
yer give it 10 old bachelors. If you
would succeed in the world, get marri-
ed. See how justly bachelors, rather
than married men, are prescribed, when
a declaration Of any number of men be-
comes necessary or expedient, see how
married men are universally preferred
see how much happier than yourselves;
acknowledge that they deserve their
superior blessing; weep and howl at
your desperate condition, and thank
fully accept this kindness Of any daush
Ter Of Eve who will Help you out Of it. !
And now being sensible Of your pres
ent condition; having raised the epide-
rum and touched the next coat skin
with solar causic; ten times more po-
tent than lunar, we shall generously
show you the road out Of the slough Of
iespond. We dare say you. know not
what woman was madespfor; we will
borrow a quotation from Otway, and
put it in your mouths; apostropise the
EEK thus:
Ia
70 temper man; we had boon brutes without thee.
And brutes you are without them,
md no mistake; they know that before
you tell them so. You must do some-
hing more than talk, and to show the
sincerity Of your reform or your refor-
nation, and prove that respect for the
ladies' has done something towards hu-
you, you must assist in their
charities. "A woman worth marrying
will love you better for dollar spent
in charity, than for hundred in USE
less presents on herself. In this way
you can play quite banking operation
on your affections. Ten dollars actu-
Al capital paid into the hands Of the al
Of fatherless; let the widows
alone, if you please, till you become
trustworthy; ten dollars actually paid
in will give you circulation Of thous-
ands in their estimation. Now ask
yourself if such per centage does not
constitute good investment. There
never was truly charitable fellow in
the world who could not get good
wife for the asking. Think Of this,
If YOU deserve to be marri-