Iowa news. [volume] (Dubuque, Upper Mississippi Lead Mines, Wisconsin Territory) 1837-1841, 1838-02-03
COUgSTStsrp.
BY WILLIAM L. .M'cL1Nrocr.

slippery trick was served by Patty Bean,
nobody would suspect me of hankering after
the women again in a hurry. To hear me curse
and swear and rail out against the whole FEM.
nine gender, you would have taken it for grant.
ed that should never so much as look at one
again to all eternity---O, hut | was wicked,
'.Darn and blast their eyes. says I..--Blame
their skins--torment their hearts and torment
them to darnation." Finally, took an oa,
and sworc that if lever meddled or had any
dealings with them again lin the sparkling line
| mean wish might be hung and choked
But swearing off from women, and then 90
ing into ameeling-house chock full of gals, all
shining and glisiening in their Sunday clothes
and clean faces, is like swearing of from Ii
quor and going into grog shop. It's all smoke.
held out and kept firm to my oath for three
whole Sundays. Forenoons, Afternoons and
intermission complete. On the fourth, there
were strong symptoms Of change Of weather.
A chap about my size was seen on the way TO
the meeting house, with new pa,en, hat on;
his head hung by the ears on shirt collar; his
cravat had apudding in it, and branched out in
front. into double bow knot. lie carried a
straight back and a stiff neck, as 4 man ought
10 when he has his best clothes on; and every
time he spit, he sprung his body forward, like
a jack-knife, in order 10 shoot clear of the ruff
fes.
Squire Jones's pew is next bot one to mine,
and when stand up to prayers, and take my
coat tail under my arm, and turn my back to
the minister, ] naturally look right straight at
Sally Jones. NowSally has got facenot to
be grnned at in a fog. Indeed, as regards
beauty. some folks think she can pull an even
Joke with Patty Bean. For my part, think
there is not much boot between them Any
how, they are so'nigh matched tina. they have
hated and despised each other, like rank poi
son, ever since they were schoolgirls.
| Squire Jones had got his evening fire on, and
set himself down TO reading the great Bible,
Nv hen he heard rap at the door. walk in
Well, John, how der do? Get cut, Pompey
---Pretiy well thank we, Squire, and how do
you dog why, so as 10 becrawling---ye ugly
beast, will ye hold your hcad--haul up a chair
and set down, john
How do you do, Mrs. Jones7 0, middIin'.
hcw's yer marm9 Don't forget the mat, there,
Mr.. Beedle.' This put me in mind that | had
been off soundings several times, in the long
muddy lane; and my boots were in sweet
pickle.
| 1t was now old Captain Jones' turn, the
grandfather. Being reused from a doZe, by
the hustle and racket, he opened both his eyes,
at first with wonder and establishment At
length he becanto haloo so loud tliatyou might
! hear hima mile; for he takes it for granted that
5tevery man is just exactly as deaf he is! Mrs.
Jones going close 10 his car, screamed out,
it's Jonny Beed!e.' 'Ho, Jonny Becdle.
remenhcr, he was one summer al the siege Of
! Boston, mo, no, father. bless your heart,
that was his grandfather, that's been dead and
gone this twenty year.'--'Ho, but where does
he come front 'Daown taown. IIo; and
what does he follow for a livin'!'--And he did
not stop asking questions, after this sort, till
after the particulars ofthe Beedle family wero
published and proclaimed in Mrs. Jones' last
speech. He then sunk back into his doze again.
! The dogsrctched himself before one and
! iron; tlierat squat down before the other. ST.
lencc came on by degrees, like calm snow
| storm, till nothing was heard bnt a cricket I'M
der the hearth, keeping tune with a yellow
birch forcstick. Sally sat up prim. as if she
were pinned TO the chair-baclS; her hands cross
ed genteelly upon her lap, her eyes looking
straight into the fire. NANNY Jones tried to
Istraishten herself too, and laid her hands a.
cross in her lap. But they would not lay still.
/ done any work, and they were out Of all pa
tience keeping Sunday. what she would
to keep them quiet they would bounce up,
now and then, and 90 through the motions. in
spite Of the fourtl, commandment. For my
part Isat looking very much like fool. The
more tried to say something the more my
tongue stuck fast. put my right leg over the
left and said .hern." Then changed, and
put the left over the right. 1t was no use; the
silence kept coming on thicker and thicker.
af Koran IN cpatvJ all
me. got my eye upon my hat, hanging up
on peg, on The road 10 the door; and then
eyed tho door. Al this moment, the old Cap
tain, all at once, sung out 'Jonny Beedle!
II sounded like clap Of thunder. and start
led right up on eend.
'Jonny Beede, you'll never handle such a
drumstick as Your father did, yer live to the
age of Mathusaler. He would toss up his
drumstick, and while it was whrlin' in the air,
take of gill er rum, and then ketch IL as it
come down, without losing stroke in the tune.
What Dye think Of that, ha! But scplI your
chair round, close along side CT me. so yer can
hear.---Now, what have You come a'tei!' II
| I--I--a'ter! q; Jest takin' walk. Pleasant
walkin' guess. Imean jest TO see how you
all come on
/ sHo---,Thai's another lie. You've come a
lcourtin', Jonny Beedle; you're alter our Sai.
Say. sir. dye want TO marry, or only to conrt!
I This is what / call a choker Poor Sally
made but one jump and landed in The middle
| Of the Kitchen; and then she skulked into the
| dark corner, till the old man, after laughing
himself into hopping cough was nntto bed
| Then came apples and cider: and tie IRE
being broke. plenty ofcha' with NANNY Jones
ahnnt the minister and The 'sarmon' agreed
with her To a niccty. upon all The points ol
doctrine: but had forget the text and az me
heads the discourse. bni six Then she ieeaz-
ed and tormrnted me to tell who accounted
the best singer inthe gallery. that day. Bat
fmurn-.-,here was no getting that ont Of me.
.p,,;.o - No c,ce il often disgrace,', says ],