True American. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1835-18??, 1838-10-20
THE EQUITY OLD BACHELOR.


Whose kind indulgence each hour,
Thou we'll canst boast thy pedigree,
begot by soth mantan'd by luxury. GARTH.
One of the pcnances to which celibacy is pecu-
liza y subject is that earthly purgOtory denoninsl-
ed govt. 1t a married man, with his limbs and
senses perfect, Will WISH equity old bachelor, he
"iil thank heaven for having gwen him wife,
ana thus saved him from such an unpleasant con-
greRaton OF humonrs. Whatever Psychologists or
phys"l"giss may say on the matter, govt is a dis
ease arlsnQ in the first instance, rom simple 10,
PIE Ion ana who 50 likely therefore 10 have il
self lndulgent bachelor! Ay, il is really pleasure
to an un!ncky husband, TO witness tho ,oitures Of
man whose life he has envcd for the last dozen
wears. The COMPARISON iluiy told against him.
Here was his trlend-pump n partridge, with
rudy checks, laughing eyes, and free us the wind.
lie could play his FRANKS. md nobody say him nay
--"hie inc longing husband, lank as q Starved
OTTER was kept ia tight surveillance. Was he
overcome with wint-"Beasi-sut-tiIhv crea
tire" were his welcome: then to be tumblel into
heu, and c'ndemned the following morning to
ilsoh 10 a curtain lecture, while his head fell, rca.
oy 10 bofsi, and his thro,t SD parched, that the
yer! water he swallowed 10 quonch his thirst went
down his S-oph gus. Ike The singing OF tea
kettle and, worse ard worse forced to he civil
ana loving, though, he is wishing his monstress II,
the Ted Sea. Dad he venture Ia stretch II point.
ana remain OUT all night-''death and fury! where
| has he been! what has he been doing!'-Nn ex-
plantation is suinclent--A new gowr, or a fit OF
'oVnghessls the least atonement: lis he detect ed
smiling at pretty grl, however innoccnly, sus.
plclon Is lam edlntely roused aud all the VEN
| Gcance OF sighted woman, fierce as ten thousand
uSers, is let loose upon his unhappy head; and he
leads dogs life I'LL the nonsense is eva porated.
Knowing well that it lie strives to coax her into
good humour, he must submit TO such a train OF
inquiries as would weary and perpex Job: he sits
down therefore like
'faitence on a monument smiling at grief"
and inwardly signs when he reflects on friend Ba
ches", who lives careless alike Of every thing hut
his own momentary whim. But raw the Ia b 6
are turned 20 some purpose. Here is our Benedict.
the married man, ami here lie Benedict, the BACH
rl"r; the first seated in the midst OF his fnrnlIv,
with his youngest child Growing nj his Knee viii e
he is singing, in evident hnpptuesS, some simpls
ballad tor It's amusement: another somew hat old,
er, stands brsUc hun aud third riding on stick
round the room :his wife, with ince radiant with
smiles, is Looking fondy at HIM, an pouring him
an extra glass OF wine, and wondering what she
can do IL please him, certain sign that she " ill
succeed hts whole house is ord rly and cheerful,
his servants in proper order, aud aoget her thin
lcok comfortable. Now reverse the picture, nd
here is the bachelor; goodly figure, lnderd-lat
| as an alderman, and labnurlng under severe al
tach OF podagra, with the aiIlng member supporte
on chair.
Ay, here he ir, indeed, alternately shiverinp as
cold auumnGl blast tnshes through his open
door; and then watching with trembling anxiety
.he coucs OF asles w&ch the wind whiris in ed lies
tom the unswept hearth and the extinguished
tire, lest any particle should fall on histortured toe
Now he bellows with all his might Tor his 70 NJ
man or hnusek eeper, to bring lire and close the
d"ots for TO his Imagination, II seems that every
dopr IN the house is open. Call away, old boy !;
your servants will wall upon you when they have
played out their play, ana have taken care TO have
an excuse by accidentally placing your hand tel
beyond reach, while, ii yeur existence depended
upon II, you burst not not set your foot on the
pet to pull the bell-rope. Yes, yes, call away, and
cast wisiiul eye al The CRAZE and door : your
| housekeeper is closeted with a battle Of strong
waters: your f1otman and housemaid are pnthesl-
eahy dcplnrlng yonr condition; and Cooky and
John Eardner are playing at hy-rpy in the shrub
berry; therefore call away, and il a-y of them come
near you tor the next two hours, will ioIiet
our best hat. Let ns li,ten to his soliloquy:
"tlu, what horrld ,winae! IL. areadtully cold
and the fires out-pui-putf-thnt piece OF A,at.
Ing soot will tall on my tve-putf-puti--jus m SIS
ed--ro-ha! surely IA. skins bursting. Grscuous
hesyens! where are the ssrv.n'.? an aeiusly