The native American., 1838-05-05
From The Cincinnati Chronicle.
THE HOLE in MY POCKET.

1t Is now about year since my wne salu 70
me one day, Pray, Mr.. Slackwater, have you
that half dollar about you that | gave you this
morning? / felt in my waistcoat pocket, and l
felt in my breeches pocket, and turned my purse
inside out, but it was all empty space-which is
very different from specie; so said to Mrs.
Slackwater, 1--we lost it, my dear; positively,
there must be a hole in my pocket IN sew
it up said she.
An hour or two after l met Tom Stebbins.
'How did that ice-cream set!' said Tom. lit set,
said l. like the sun, gloriously.' And as spoke,
it flashed upon me that my missing half dollar
had paid for those ice-creams; however, | held
my peace, for Mrs. Slackwater sometimes makes
remarks and, even when she assured me at
breakfast next morning that there was no hole
IN my pocket, what could do but lift my brow
and say, 'Ah! isn't there! really!'
Before week had gone by, my wife, who,
ike duhiul helpmate, she is, always gave
me her loose change to keep, called for 25
cent piece that had been deposited in my Sub
Treasury for safe-keeping; there poor wo-
man at the door, she said, that she promised it
to Tor certain We'll, wait moment cried;
SO pushed inquiries first in this direction, then
In that, and then in the other; but vacancy re-
turned groan.' 'On my SOUL said |, thinking
it best to show bold 'front.' you must keep my
pockets in better repair, Mrs. Slackwater; this
piece, with know not how many more, is lost,
because some corner seam in my plaguey pockets
is left open.'
Are you sure? said Mrs. Slackwater.
Sure! ay, that | am, it's gone! totally gone!
My wife dismissed her promise, and then, in her
quiet way, asked me to change my pantaloons
before went out, and to bar all argument, laid
another pair on my knees.
That evening, allow me to remark gentlemen
OF the species HUSBAND | was very loa,h to 90
home to tea; | had half mind to bore some
bachelor friend; and when Hunger and Habit, in
their unassumlng manner, one on each side,
walked me up to my own door, the touch of the
brass knob made my blood run cold. But do not
think Mrs. Slackwater is Tartar, my good
friends, because | thus shrunk from home; the
fact was that had, while abroad, called to mind
the fate OF her 25 cent piece, which had in
vested, as larger amounts are often invested, in
smoke,-that is to say, cigars; and feared to
think OF her comments on my pantaoon pockets.
These things went on for some months; we
were poor to begin with and grew poorer, or at
any rate, no richer, fast. Times grew worse and
worse; my pockets leaked worse and worse; even
my pocket-book was no longer to be trusted, the
rags slipped from it in manner most incredible
to relate;-as an Irish song says:
.And such the fate of poor Paddy o'Moore.
his purse had the rents as he had the fe
AT length one day my wife came in with a
subscription paper for the Orphan ASYLUM; /
looked at it, and sighed, and picked my teeth,
and shook my head, and handed it back to her.
Ned Bowen, said she, has put down ten
dollars
The more shame to him. replied, .he can't
afford it, he can but just scrape along any how,
and IN these times it amt right for him to do it.
MY vile smiled in her sad way, and took the pa
per back to him that brought it.
The next evening she asked me if / would 90
with her to the Bowens; as l had no objection.
we started.
knew that Ned, Bowen did small business
that would give him about 5000 a year, and I
thought it would be worth while to see what
that sum would do in the way Of housekeeping.
We were admitted by Ned and welcomed by
Ned's wife, very neat little body, of whom Mrs.
SlackWater had told me great deal, as they had
been school-mates. All was as nice as wax. and
yet as substantial as iron; comfort was written
all over the room. The evening passed, some
how or other, though we had no refreshment, an
article which we never have at home but ALWAYS
want when elsewhere; and | returned to our own
establishment with mingled pleasure and chagrin.
w hat pity said to my wife, that Bowen
don't keep within his income.'
He does she replied.
But how can he on $780, was my answer;
1T ne gives $40 to this charity and S to that.
and live so snug and comfortable too?'
Shall tell your asked Mrs. Slackwater.
Certainly, if you can
HIS WIFE, said my wife, finds it Just as easy
to do without $40, or $40 worth of ribands and
laces, as to buy them. They have no fruit but
what they raise and have given them by country
friends, whom they repay by thousand little
acts of kindness. They use no baer, which -
not essential to his health, as it is to yours, and
then ne buys no cigars, or ice-cream, or apples
at 100 per cent on market price, or oranges at
II cents piece, or candy, or new novels, or
rare works that are still more rarely used; in
short, my dear Mr.. Slackwater, he has no hole
in his pocket
1T was the first word of suspicion my wife
had uttered on the subject, and it cut me to the
quick! Cut me! should rather saw it sewed
me up, and my pockets too; they have never been
In holes since that evening"
LEGAL fERsPIcUITY..-The following beaut;G,l
specimen OF legal persDicuity ;s fro,, Sc IIaal.I,