The Columbia Democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, 1838-06-30
THE no CTOR's MINCE PIE,
likely
Jalap, Cathartic, Elixir,
Snug in her liquor I'll drop,
II It's your pleasure I'll mix her,
All the contents of my shop,


Snug in her liquor I'll drop,
II It's your pleasure I'll mix her,
All the contents of my shop
Some twenty years since, certain DR..
Physic resided in one of the interior towns
of NewHampshire. The doctor was a
shrewd, penetrating man, with deep and
almostunerring insight into the human breast
"a consumate knowledge of his profession,
and with great skill-and withal, possessing
the happy faculty of directing contingencies
SO as to result in his own individual advan-
tage. Now, all this, however, paradoxical
as it may seem, was partially concealed un-
der the guise of buffoonery and ready wit.
By delicate tact and peculiar combination of
circumstances, he had contrived to monopo-
lize, q believe this is the word the whole
course Of practice within district of several
miles, sustaining the reputation of one of the
first physicians Of the country, (Which in
deed he was, and throwing number of
quacks around him completely in the shades.
-As a matter of course, they gradually be-
came inimical towards him, which finally
broke out in open hostility. Things were
thus situated. when one day, this worthy
mounted his Rosinante, and set forth on a
"visit'' to patient, and after riding short
distance he met practitioner, Dr. Slop, from
a neighboring village.
"Good nornin, DR.. Physic." ~
"Ah good mOrnin, good mornin, DR..
Slop." al,
"R'yS hssg #9.HHg any tAgjBBsgo AgjBBsgoERsi.S Rii.'S
A silence ensued.
-'Well, Doctor Physic, that wasa treme-
dous desperate case that you cured the other
day ohnson'a you know! Couldn't spare
some of your SKILL as well as not, could ye?
People tell strange stories about ye--and
where do ye think Dr. Burton says all your
virtue liesF'
"Most probably in my saddle bags"
''No sir, in your breeches."
sin my breeches!"
"Yes sir?''
"Are you serious?"
81 am"
Some explanation is here necessary. DR..
Physic not being proud man, wore pair
of buskin pantaloons, and said pants he had
used, perhaps half dozen years. In COM
pounding pill he would roll it upon them
to give it globular form, and after phlebo-
tomizing, would wipe his lance upon them:
in short using them for all manner of purpo-
ses, they thus in time beanie completely sat-
urated with all sorts OF medicines, from SIM
pie epson salts" to the most complicated
mixtures in the "Pharmacopeia." Hence
the idea that the doctors healing powers,
lay therein, was by no meanes so very shall
low. Doctor Physic was astonished, and
musing moment, observed:
swell sir, l won't deny but Mr.. Burton
tells the truth-and If auch be the case,
pledge my word that every parlicaI of tall
ent and power in the healing art which
possess shall be distributed among any num-
Der ofindividuals, physicians Of course, you
may name. Please designate them"
DIR. Slop recounted the names of six or
seven individuals.
Well, please to be at my house the fifteenth
day of the present month, and the matter
shall be settled"
Agreed"
At the time appointed, they were there,
in all seven besides the worthy DIR. Physic
himself.
Most country physicians are epicures'
There is something in their vocation which
conduces TO create relish for the "good
things of this life" inasmuch as all quacks
are pretty sure to e5chew their own medi-