Maumee express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1837-1838, 1838-03-03


Cufy's slaves. / wish Admiral Cock.
burn had taken them all off our hands,
at the same rate. We made pretty
good sale OF them are black cattle, J
guess, to the British Iwish we We're
well rid of 'em all. The Blacks and the
Whites in the States, show their teeth
and snarl, they are jist ready to fall to.
The Protestants and Catholics begin to
lay back their ears, and turn tail for kick
en-. The Abolitionists and Planters are
at it like two bulls in a pastur. Mob
law and Lynch law are working like
yeast in a barrel, and frothing at the
bung-hole. Modification and Tariff are
like charcoal pit, all covered UP, but
burning inside, and sending out smoke
at every crack, enough TO stihe horse.
General Government and State Govern
ment every now and then square off and
spar and the first blow given will bring a
genuine set-to. Surplus Revenue is an
other bone of contention; like shin Of
beef thrown among a pack Of dogs, it
will set the whole on 'em by the ears.
You have heerd tell Of cotton rags dip
ped in turpentine, hav'nt you, how they
produce combustion? Well, guess we
have the elements of spontaneous COM
bustion among us, in abundance ;
when it does break out, if you don't see
an eruption of gore worse than Etna la
va, then I'm mistaken. There'll be the
very devil to pay, that's a fact ;-and all
this shoot, hang, cut, stab and burn bus-
ness will sweeten our folks temper, as
raw meat does that of dog-it fairly
makes me sick to think on it. The ex-
.ploslon may clear the air again, and all
be tranquil once more, but it's an even
chance if it don't leave us the three
steamboat options, 10 be blown sky high,
to be scalded to death, or drowned.
If this sad picture you have drawn,
be indeed true TO nature, how does your
country, said !, appear SO attractive as
to draw to it so large portion of our
population 1t tante its attraction, said
the Clockmaker, its nothing but its great
power of suction-it is an everlastin big
whirlpool great vortex-it drags all
the straw and chips, and floating sticks,
dri(twood and trash into it. The small
crafts are sucked in. and whirl round and
round, like squirrel in the cage-they
never come out. Bigger ones pass thro'
at certain times of tide, and can come
in and out with good pilotage, as they do
at He'll Gate, up the Sound.
You astonlsh me, said |, beyond meas
ure both your previous conversations
with me, and the concurrent testimony
of my friends who have visited the
States, give different view OF it. Your
f'iendsl said the Clockmaker, with such
a tone Of incrfable contempt, that felt
strong inclination to knock him down
for his insolence your friends! Ensigns
and leftenants, guess, from the British
marchin regiments in the Colonies, that
run over five thousand miles of
country in five weeks, on leave Of ab-
sence, and then return, lookin as wise as
the monkey who had seen the world
When they get back, they are SO chock
full of knowledge of the Yankees, that
it runs over of itself like hogshead Of
molasses, rolled about in hot weather.
a white froth and scum bubbles out OF
the bung wishy washy stuff they call
tours, sketches, travels, letters, and what
not; vapid stuff, jist sweet enough to-
catch flies, cockroaches, and half fedged
gals. 1t puts me in mind Of my French.
| larnt French at night school. one win
ter, of our Minister, Joshua Hopewel.
he was the most larned man of the age,
for he taught himself cen amost every
language in Europe y well next spring
when went to Boston, | met French
man, and began to jabber away French
10 him: Polly woes French shay says
|. don't understand Yankee yet, says
he. Youdon't understand ! says |, why
its French. Iguess you didn't expect
10 hear such good French, did you, way
down East here? but we speak it real
well, and its generally allowed we speak
English, too, better than the British. Oh.
says he, you one very droll Yankee, dat
very good joke, sare you talk Indian
md call it French. But, says l.,
Mister Mountshcar, it is French, ! vow
'eal merchantable, without wainy edge,
,r shakes, all clear stuff it will pass
survey in any market-its ready stuck
ind seasoned. Oh, very like, says he,
,owin as polite as black waiter at New
0rleens, very like only never heerd it
fore; oh, very good French, dat clear
tuf, no doubt, but | no undelstand-its