Vermont telegraph. [volume] (Brandon [Vt.]) 1828-1843, 1838-11-21
For the Vermont Telegraph.
oUACK ME- DICIN E s .

1ure into the propriety Of advertlZlng, IN a
our religious newspapers, the quack medi- b
cines, which are so abundant, in this sage II
Of improvements" We can hardly take up t
a religious newspaper, (and much less
political one,) but our eyes are offended
with long string of certificates attesting
their curative properties. "Panacea'-
"Hygean Pills"-"Universal Medicine"
&c. &c. &c. Then to cap the climax comes
ON the celebrated MArcHLEss SANATlvE!
with fre hands pointing the finger Of scorn
! at its immortal author, GoELIcKE.
These medicines come TO us, recommend
ed by men of tule-"H onorables, /" "Esqr's,"
Post Masters" (by whom they are fire.
quently sold.) Generals" "Colonels,"
"Captains," Editors" (by whom they are
advertized.) Medicines recommended by
men of such titles, "to cure in all cases"
all diseases If administered IN season, are
calculated to secure the confidence of the
public.
Now is it fact that these medicines are
valuable? AS Ear as have had experience
and obtained information upon the subject,
they have not been in any case equal to the
recommendations. No, have used Of diff
ferent sorts of the most celebrated, and not
: in single case have found that any good
effect was produced; and have been under
the necessity in every case of concluding
= that the universal cure-aU was not admin
istered Sin season. Thousands can bear
testimony to the same result. After spend
t INsanatices, they have still been on the
t decline.
: But, says an inquirer, if these nostrums"
are no; valuable, how are the recommend
ations procured? Some Of them are proba-
bly, forged-others bought aUith n1oney-A
# fel0 of them given by good, honest
J. hearted people, who really believe in the
r virtue OF the article. They recovered their
0 health about the time they used it, and
/ thought it to be the healing qualities of the
. medicine which produced the cure. Some
i, of these invalids needed nothing but fail
(. to make them well; and when they gave
n these puff certificates, with all fve of /;
a. mans HANDS pointing at the intalLible cure
l. recommended by "Members OF the medica
'I I profession, living in Germany and Europe
=. -"The British College of HEALTH" &c
s. &c. &C., they could not help having faith
and they were restored to perfect health.
of AS was about to close this article
y providentially cast my eye upon Philadel
p phia paper, lying before me, and saw tn
- following dialogue between child and hi
ot mother, which illustrates the manner j
te which quack nostrum makers and vender
p obtain their certificates.
st "Ma,n said stubblv headed sprout of
ID celebrated nostrum-vender, one day 10 hi
of mother.
u "Well, DEAR" said ma, "what is it?"
o. "What is that there man what write
"a certificates for father?"
i. "Why, DEAR" said his mother, she's tn
l, penny-a-liner." -.-
oe "But ma" said the persevering urcnil
'WnatS penny -a-ilner {!
IS, Giles man that writes for money, an
II receives so much for as many lines"
ia ''But don't fathers medicine cure peopl
in as the certificates say 90
a "No, dear, the certificates are published [
e make the medicine SELL and that's the wa
~ father makes his money"
sBut then, ma, the certificates are M
n true, and YOU know father told me t'otht
We day must always tell the truth"
ID, "Hush, hush, child" said the mothe
as 'you mustn't let your father hear you tai
in SOP
al Now, Sir, if these medicines were a
Ill they are recommended to be, disease an
- death might easily be banished from II
,. earth. The "Universal Medicine" wou
Or make kind of Universal-ism: we shou
Is. have salvation in the present tense-v
IS, might live forever in the present world
es But if there be no real virtue in these "no
rums"-if, instead of curing the sick the
Us are poisoning and preparing them for Il
81 grave-if, instead Of giving relief to Il
%. poor, they are robbing them of their brea
ay is it right to countenance them in their wo
nd of robbery and death, by giving their adve
cts tisements place in religious newspaper
cir Ought the Telegraph longer 10 be pollut,
:. with such qudckery?
on / do not object to these advertisement
ly because | am tenacious about the spa
ur they occupy-or because do not consid
y; the Telegraph with all its faults, wor
ne double what is paid for it; but from pri
- ciple Of right. believe they are calcnlale