davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
LORD DEXTER,s MOCK FUNERAL,

LORD DEXTER'S MOCK FUNERAL.
Dexter's tomb was in the basement story
of handsome summerhouse, erected on "a
slightly position, surrounded by "shrub,
flower, and tree" The tomb was well
lighted and ventiated-a mere, safer lifs'r
fitfuI fever" should be over. Aftor the
tomb had been prepared, and the coffin
finished to his taste, Dexter with few OF
his, cronies, got up mock funeral, suPpos-
ed by many at the time to be real one
He had, by giving to his wife, son and
daughter, suits of moarning and money TO
boot engaged them at last, to acquiesce in
his whim. Cards were sent to certain per-
sons in the town to attend bis funeral.
Some who had no misgiving, and all who
desired frolc, came at the hour appointed.
Some wag, for he could not get priest to
perform the burial service, read it and pro
nounced an eulogy on the great man OF the
East The procession moved to the garden
vault, the coffin was deposited, and the
door locked. The aessembed mourners re-
turned to the house, where sumptuous en-
ertainment, had been provided, and the
choisest wines poured out like WATER
Some one limited that Dexter's ghost had
been seen at an upper window while the
procession slowly moved to the vault, but this
passed away, when a loud complaint was
heard in the kitchen. 1t was Lord Dexter
Gaming his wife, for not acting her part as
she should have done in the ceremony.
She had not shed tear! She should have
cried to think It was not reality. Dexter
had been so much pleased in his conceal
ment in hearing of bis praise, that he enter
ed the wake room with the highest glee;
shared in the wine, and threw small change
from his window to the gaping crowd Of
boys who had gathered to witness the last
scene. There was however drawback to
bis experiment; not single bell tolled,
when he expected the whole of them
would have sounded knell for his passing
soul. That was not all; not requiem
was sung, except by the wag who perform
ed the funeral services; he gave one that
some bacchanalian had in former times
composed for himself to be sung before his
departure. Dexter expressed himself sat
isfed with every thing but the absence of
the toling bell, and his wife's dry eyes.
His son had performed his part to admlra-
ton, being sufficiently drunk to weep with
out much effort. 1t is said that his grief
was so excessive that he required support
as he entered the tomb; at least the old man
was satisfied with his enactmens.
Knapp's Life Of Lord Derter.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
CURE FOR HYDRoPHOBIA.

Although so many cures have been offer
ed to the public for this appalling disease,
must Of which have been found Intellectual,
we are nevertheless embodened to lay be-
fore our readers the following remedy,
which as it comes fortified by proofs of ac-
tua and numerous cures, it is the more
worthy of public notice. The receipt is as
folows:--Take quantity Of oyster shells
aud burn them into lime, pulverise the
lime till it becomes an impalpahIe powder;
take three table spoonsful of this powder,
and beat them up with three eggs, fry this
in common pan with sweet oil, and lei the
patient eat the cake when properly baked,
in the morning fasting, taking care to take
no vctuals nor the least liquid Of any kind
for six hours after the dose has been taken,
Repeat this dose for three mornings sue
cessively.
This remedy has been used among the
French Canadians of this province for ma
ny years; it is prescribed by the priests
frequently, and no instance Of its falling is
known unIess.in patients where the fits had
made their appearance. We know of a
family in the vicinity of St. Andrews, l.. c.
three of whom were bitten in endeavoring
to drag a rabid dog from under the bed; the
dog made his escape out of the house, and
bit three of his masters cattle and some
dogs. All the cattle and dogs bitten were
seized with violence Of symptoms of hydro
phobia and died or were killed, the three
persons bitten took the medicine here de.
scribed and escaped. Another family had
four of its members bitten, two of them in
teresing young men, took hydrophobia
and died; the other two after the death O
their brothers heard of this remedy, tool
it and never experienced the slightest symp
toms ofthis horrible disease.
Persons desirous of learning the names
Of the parties above mentioned, and Of hear
ing more cases of cure, can be satisfied OIL
this point by calling at the Currant office.
Canadian CurTGnt.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

more than any other, conclusively proves
that there is, in the whole circle of nature,
nothing trihing to a truly great mind
Thousands had seen apples fall from the
trees TO the earth; yet no one had ever
asked the question whether the cause that
caused the apple to fall to the earth, extend
ed to the moon? yet this question, and its
solution, was the key which unlocked the
mechanism Of the universe, and has given
to man power and ideas that could Otherwise
never have existed.
The greattruth these examples inculcate
is this-that there is nothing trifling in ma
ture, nothing that is not worthy attention
and reflection, nothing that does not form
part of the great chain of cause and effect,
and capable, consequently, of leading to
the most valuable and Interesting events.
There is an impression abroad that it forms
no part Of the business of the tller of the
soil to think. This is not true and the posi-
lion should be exploded at once. II is
scarcely possible for man to be more fa-
vorably situated for an observation Of ma
ture, than is the farmer. His business is
with The soil he treads upon-with its con-
stituents and the varying proportions-with
the green earth and its covering of herbs
and plants,its trees and flowers; while over
head is stretched the broad over-arching
sky, inviting him to useful reflection, and
urging him to "look through nature up to
natures God"
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
MONEY, GENIUS, VIRTUE.

Money is lord-genius is a starving
virtue is poor selcdenying, self.torturing
ascetic in this world Money wraps him
self in a scarlet robe, reclines on an otta
man and sips champaigne, while Eolus
cracks his cheeks out of doors He knows
wants that remain unsupplied-he has no
desires that do not grow fat like aldermen
he has no Unsuitable longngs after the ir-
reproachable--he hnsno ambition that sick
ems for want of food. Like FalIsaf he
takes his ease within his inn, regardless of
the cold winds vhistIig round the roof, and
not fearing to be disturbed by the bailffs
of this world or that prince of bailiffs,
death, who carries all of US in our seasons
to the great limbo of eternity. Thus is
money lord-deny it who dare2
Genius is a miserable fellow, dressed in
fantasies, and sitting astride of a rainbow.
Around him the winds of the north and the
south, of the east and the west, blow like
famished wolves or whisper Of good things
which he may hope for but dare not reach.
He is on the rainbow among the clouds, and
fancies that their shapeless mists are as bril-
liant as the dark-eyed Georgian. From this
''his high estate," he looks down contemp-
tlousIy on what the vulgar world beneath
him esteems valuable. lie is poor fatess,
feshless, bloodless wretch; and while his
stomach yearns for the good things that
grace the Iordlings table, is eloquent of
scorn for them. There is little symp ,thv
kna IL. hro.,, Ief., ..,i, l.,
ologists say what they may-for while one
sehs for the mama that come,h not down
from heaven, but which escapeth the lips
of those that praise, the other craveth the
crumbs which bis skeleton fingers disdain
to pick up.
Virtue is still worse off than his forty Sc.
cond cousin; lean-visaged genius. He is
IA neglected creature that every body kicks
while no one bestows copper OH him. He
craweth on his knees through the mud o
this the prettest of planets, since PIeiades
exploded. He casteth his eyes upwards to
heaven, and all the gifts he gets comeih from
above. The wisest virtue is that which is
so fortunate as to live in an age when mar
tyrdom is fashionable; for then it may stand
chance of being huddled off neck and
heels into Elysium. But in these degene.
rate days, when it cannot even procure the
death warrant of Judge Lynch, virtue is
badly off, for it must draw its oft-wounded
length along, until arrived at the verge Of
this world, it takes plunge, not as Hobbies
said, in the dark, but into that brighter re.
gion, where all its aspirations have previ.
ously gone.
Thus it appeareth that money is the
greatest fellow of the trio. He cares moth
ins about the whim-whams Of genius or the
quim quams Of virtue. He looks down on
the ragged pride of the one, and the knock
kneed humility of the other. He is mo.
narch-and they are his slaves-and do or
say what they may, they must obey him.
Money is the modern Colossus, and genius
and virtue and all meaner things, must
crawl between his legs on the way to their
honored or dishonored homes.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
THE MoTHERLEss.

How interesting he appears 10 every fell
ing mind! A child robbed of his mother
excites universal commisseration and affec-
ton from every bosom. We look forward
with anxiety to every future period Of his
life, and our hopes attend him every step
of his journey. We mingIe our tears with
his, on the grave of her whose maternal
heart has ceased to beat, for we feel that he
is bereaved of the friend and guido Of his
youth! His father would but cannot sup
ply the loss. In vain tho whole circle OF
hisfriends blend their efforts to alleviate his
sorrows, and to fill the place occupied by
departed worth; mother must be missed
every moment, by a child who has ever
known and rightly valued one, when she
sleeps in the grave. No hand feels SO soft
as hers-no voice sounds 50 sweet;no smile
is so pleasant! Never shall he find again in
this wide widrness, such sympathy, suct
fondness, such fidelity, such tenderness, a.
he experienced from his mother. The
world is moved with compassion for tina
motberless child, but the wholo world can
not supply the place to him.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
PARTY SPIRIT.

A species of mental vitriol, which we
bottle up in our bosoms that we may squirt
it against others; but which, ia the mean
time, irritates, corrodes, and polsons our
own hearts. Personality and lnvective are
only proofs of a bad argument, bat Of a bad
arguer; for politenessi is perfectly compatible
with wit and logic, while it enhances the tri-
umph Of both. BY union of courtesy and
talent, an adversary may be made to grace
his own defeat. as the sandal tree perfumes
ihe hatchet that cuts it down. Casar's sol
dler's fought none the worse for being scent
ed with unguent's, nor will any combatant
be weakened by moral suavity. The bit
teness Of political pamphlets, and newspa-
per writing so far as acting as a tonic, de-
bilitates and dishonors them. A furious
pamphloteer, on being reproached with his
unsparing acrimony, exclaimed, "Burke,
and Curran. and Grattan, have written thus,
as we'll as l." cay" said his friend, ''bul
have you written thus as uell as they ~
Political writer's and orators must not mis-.
take the rage, the mouthing, and the contor.
lions oftho Sibyl for her inspiration.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
GOOD NIGHT.

God night! good night, and peace be with you
4 Peace, that gentest parting strain;
Soft it falls, like dew on blossoms,
Cherishing within our bosoms
Kind desires to meet again.
Good night good night!
bod night good night but not forever:
Hope can see the Morning rise
Many pleasant scene before us,
As though angels hovered DER us,
Bringing blessings from the skies.
Good night! good night!
bod night! good night oh softly breathe it!
Tis prayer for those welove;
Peace tonight and JOY tomorrow,
For tis He who shields the sparrow,
Hears US in his courts above.
Good night! good night!
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

SrRkMBoAF RAcINs-ANEcDorE.-A la
day took her passage on board steamboat
at New Orleans to go to st. Louis, but hear
ing that the Captain intended running a
race, declined going unless assurances
were given that such would not be the case.
The master pledged his honor to refrain
from the contest, and the boat got. under
way; the rival boat pursuing soon after,
neared him fast, and tho passengers became
excited, requestedhim toput on more steam,
which was refused, for the reason above
given. The lady was applied to, but would
not YIELD She was then requested to come
on deck, and view the other boat, which,
at the time, was nearly along side and
fast gaining. Her feelings were immedi-
ately enlisted, and she too, urged an in
crease of speed, which was attempted, but
not succeeding as we'll as his passengers
desired, they suggested that he should use
bacon, to mako the wood more inflamable.
The answer was, that having pledged his
word not to race, he had not provided him.
self with the article. ''Never mind, Cap.
tain," said the lady, "you have some on
board on freight, use it, my dear, sir, use
it; riH pay all expenses If yOu beat tba
boaf."--CAGrlcston Mercury.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

] The following lines are by the author % u
Burial of Sir John More"
VERSES.
If had thought thou couldst have died,
might not weep for thee;
But forgot, when by thy side,
That thou coudst mortal be:
/ 1t never through my mind had past,
That time would e'er be o'er,
And on thee should look my last,
And thou shouldst smile no more!
And still upon that face look,
And think twill smile again;
And still the thought will not brook,
That must look in vain!
But when speak--thou dostnot say,
What thou meier eft'st unsaid;
And now feel, as well may,
Sweet Mary, thou art dead!
II thou wouldst stay, e'en as thou art,
All cold and all serene
j still might press thy silent heart,
And kiss where smiles have been!
While e'en thy chill, bleak corse l have,
Thou seemest still mine own;
&Put there lay thee in the grave
And am now alone
] do not think, where'er thou art,
Thou hast forgotten me;
And I, perhaps, may soothe this heart,
In thinking too of thee:
Yet there was round thee such dawn
Oflight ne'er seen before,
AS fancy never could have drawn,
And never can restore!
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
OH! I COULD LOVE HIM!

Dh! could love him with a woman's love!
Worship the light that kindlei in his eye,
Not with the passion colder hearts approve,
But with a love that was not born to die
sike some rich pearl in oceans cavern sleeping
Deep in my breast his image long hath ain;
b.! NAV the treasure love delights in keeping
4 Be ever mine, or else | live in vain
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
WOMAN.

lot she with traitorous kiss the Savior stung;
|otshe denied him with unholy tongue;
Ne, when apostles shrupk, did dangers brave
ast at his cross, and earliest at his grave.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
Terms of Advertising.

Per square Of ten lines or less, for the hrst m
sertion, One Dollar; for each additional inser-
ton, Fifty Gents.
mr. To those who advertise by the year,
liberal discount will be made.
All articles Of personal nature, whenever
admitted, will be charged double the above
hates.
she number of insertions required must be
narted on all advertisements, or they will be
nontinned un.il ordered out, and charged for
accordingly. -,
Announcing candidates: for State Offices,
Al0: for county Offices, So
n.rAll jos Work must be paid 'or on ue'
Every.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
From the Cincinnati Express.
YANKEE DOODLE.

From the Cincinnati Express.
YANKEE DOODLE.
NEW SONG.
To Mississippi Mratin said,
I'll brook no new disaster,
In Jackson's footsteps will tread,
And prove that am master!
Yankee Doodle, keep it up,
And follow after Andy!
For doing all his dirty work,
Oh! Martin is the dandy!
Said Mississippi, we've obeyed
The orders which you sent us,
And hoping he may learn your trade,
We send you on 'PRENTIss.
Yankee Doodle, &c.
Then Martin swore he would not make
The bargain on venture,
No Mississippi boy he'd take
Without full indenture.
Yankee Doodle, &c.
Said Mississippi, we are sure
No risk will be incurred, sir;
To make the 'Prentiss more secure,
We also give our WoRD, sir.
Yankee Doodle, keep it up,
And follow after Andy!
For doing all his dirty work,
Oh! Martin is the dandy!
PEN.-The silent mouthpiece ofthe minc
ich gives ubiquity and permanence
ssanescent thought ofa moment.
PLAeTARIsTs PprlQiners, who filch IN
'ii lhaf others n7rthe
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

Pubic OPtNIoN-is a river which digs
its own bed. We may occasionally mode
rate or quicken its course, but 1t Is very
difficult to alter it.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

INTERMARRYING WITH VENGEANCE. "A
correspondent writes US thata Mr.. Williams
Of Doncaster, York county, Eng, had two
daughters by his first wife, who was deceas-
ed. The elder daughter married Mr.. John
Wiley, the son, and the younger daughter
married Mr.. John Wiley, the father. Wild
over. The elder Wiley had a daughter
by his first wife, whom old Mr.. Williams
married, and by her had son; therefore,
the elder Wiley's wife could say, my ia
ther is my son, and am my mothers mofh-
er, my sister is my daughter, and | am
grandmother to my brother. This beats all
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

TINDER.-A thin rag--such for instance
as the dresses Of modern females, intended
70 catch the spark', and light ups match.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

PLEASING ALE PARTIES. This hopeless
attempt usually ends by pleasing none, for
time-servers neither serve themselves nor
any one else. AS the endeavor involves Il
contemplate compromise Of principle, it is
generally despised by the very parties whom
we seek to conciliate. What opinion can
we have of man who has no opinion of
his ownl A neutral, we can understand
and respect; but Janus-laced double
dealer, who affects to belong to both sides,
will not be tolerated by either.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
TIE SOUTHERN TELEGRAPH
Is POLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY,
nv MARTIN q BROWN,

! At FIVE DOLLARS per year, in GdUanee, or
TX at the expiration of the year.
#0arNo paper discontinued until all arreara-
Is are paid, unless at the option of the editors
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

TRUTH Many truth is like wolf
which we hold by the ears--afraid to et it
escape, and yet scarcely able to retain it.
And why should we let it GO, if it be likely
to worry or annoy our neighbor? To pro-
mnlgate truth with a malicious intention, is
worse than to infringe it with benevolent
one, inasmuch as a pleasant deception is
often better than a painful reality. twas
saying of the selfish FontenelIe, that it he
held the most important truth like bird tas
the hand, he would rather crush it than let
it go. Lessing, the German, on the contra
ry, found such delight in the investigation
of truth, that he profossed his readiness to
make over all claim as its discoverer, pro-
vided he might still be allowed to pursue it.
Nor can we wonder at his holy ardor, for to
follow truth to its source, is to stand at the
footstool of God.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

STEAM GrGs AND HoRsEs.-The London
papers are very full of discussions respect
ing the possibility of constructing steam
gigs and even horses The Spectator says
that "Mr. Hancock, who has undertaken to
build steam waggons.in England, set out for
Stratford on the Sd Of April in the after
noon, in steam gig of his own construc-
ton. attended by two of his friends He
passed through several of the principal
streets of London, and remained consd-
erabIc time before the Guidhall, man9u-
vering and turning his vehicle, says the
London Courier, with extraordinary facility.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
E'OE. 1.-.N'o. 10.
INFIDELITY.

What is the object of Infleliyl lis -
5rnify man; to c1t the chords which bll
him to iniinity; to turn the current of hi'
being downwards, and to reverse tho Vlnle
design and tendency of its nature. 'Ihoss
high and holy thought which he has SEM
abroad into eternity, it would bid him sun.
mon back, only that he woald bury
theln in the dust at his feet. II beakons his
ewes away from the mansions Of heaven,
that he may gaze upon the backnesq OF
darkness forever. II would turn Oft hs
thoughts from all that is inspiring in the
future, only That he may leap into mody
nothingness and disappear. 1t would dis
solve his connection with all that he loves
and all that his soul aspire to, than he may
claim kindred with all that his mind shud-
ders to contemplate. Embrace its senti-
ments, and God, angels heaven, immortality
retire from the view; while dread anniha.
tion, uncreated night, swell into frighiful
spectres in the prospect. Who would be
an infidel.-Christian Witness.
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04
PASSIONS.

Were it not for the salutary agitation Of
the passions, the waters of life wout1 be-
come dull, stagnant, and as unfit for all the
vital purposes as those of the Dead Sea-
1t should be equally our object to guard
against those tempests and overaowings
which may entail mischief, either upon. oar
selves or others; and to avoid that diNwsy,
calm, of which the sluggishness and inertia
are inevitably hostile to the health and
spirits. In the voyage of life, we should
initiate the ancient mariners, who, without
losing sight of the earth, trusted to the
heavenly signs for their guidance. H,ppy
the man, the tide of whose passions, like
that of the great ocean, is regulated by
light from above!
ST. Evremond compares the passions to
runaway horses, which you must tame by
letting them have their run; perilous ex-
pertinent, in which the rider may break his
neck. Much better to restrain and con-
quer them before they get head, for if they
do not obey, they will be sure to command
you.
Ps and Qs.-Tho origin of the phrase
"Mnd your Ps and @ s" is not generally
known. In ale-houses, where chalk scores
we're formerly marked upon the wall, or be-
hind the door Of the tap-room, it was cus:o-
mary to put these initial letters at the head
of every mans account, to show the num-
ber of pints and quarts for which he was in
arrears; and we may presume miDy
friendly rustic TO have tapped his neighbr
on the shoulder, when he was indulging to-
freely in his potalons, and to have excaim-
ed, as he pointed to the score, 'Gilesl Giles!
mind your Ps and Qs.'"
Southern telegraph., 1838-07-04

PEN.-The silent mouthpiece ofthe mind,
ich gives ubiquity and permanence to
ssanescent thought of a moment.