Vermont telegraph. [volume] (Brandon [Vt.]) 1828-1843, 1837-01-04

consequences of sin and partaking of the
Savior's mercy2 TIL
P. My feelings were of the latter de-
scription. =
nj. VIII you now detail your subse--
quent views and exercises
p. By the advice Of friends, and sim
cerely regarding it as an act of duty, |
soon joined the church. For a season
the services of the sanctuary. the social
conference, and the duties Of the closet
contributed much to my enjoyment. 1t
seemed, however, that as the subject be-
came more familiar, my interest in reli-
gious services gradually declined, and
fears of self-deception would intrude; but
being now in the church, tried to sus-
tain my hopes. At last my fears became
familiar, and were imperative in prevent
ing decline into woridliness, and in
few months reached that State in which
all relish for religious duties was lost -
the duties of the closet became insupport-
able burdens, religious conversation often
tedious, and the searching truths exhibit
ed from the sacred desk distressed me be-
yond expression. The relish for the
world and its enjoyments revived; and l
often feared it might be i'll with my soul
at last. Often have l regretted having
united with the church, and have wished
to be relieved from its obligations. Still
my sinking hopes were partially sustain
ed by the thoughts that had at first given
myself to Christ-that the token of his ia
vor had been then received, and that he
had shed abroad his love in my heart (for
such l imagined my joys to be;) that it
was to be expected Christians would lose
their first love, and relapse awhile; that
in comparing myself with other profess
sors, l did not seem to fall far, if any, be-
hind them; at any rate, supposed no pro-
fessor could know certainly in this life,
but that he was Christian. Yet when l
regarded the real inclinations of my heart,
and my sinfnl life, oftentimes barely pre-
served from public wickedness by my pro-
fession, the feelings of friends, or fear OF
punishment, my hopes have expired
wretchedness has been my companion by
day, and groans, and prayers, and tears
have been my occupation by night. At
one time regarded myself as an apostate,
under the curse in Heb. vi. 4-6, at an
other, as an impenitent sinner. For
months have tried secretly to repent -
and in revivals, my attention has been con-
fined to preparing my soul for death but
from some unknown cause never could
submit Often when suffering under the
lashes ofa guilty conscience at night, have
l resolved to disclose my feelings to my
pastor in the morning, and have thus OBJ
tanned relief; but when the hour arrived
pride and love of the world have closed
my lips. At last | did disclose my state
of mind to some Christian friends, told
them my fears of being a stranger to reIi.
gion, and desired to be advised as sinner
but they would not do so. In despair
I have repeatedly endeavored to amend
my life, and then hope revived for a sea
son; but every discharge of duty is heart
less, and soon becomes destitute of enjoy
ment. Many, if not all of my former in.
clinations and preferences for sin secretly
remain, although their indulgence is not
permitted; and therefore it cannot be pos
sible | have ever experienced a change in
them, which suppose is intended by the
new heart Still submit it to you. Give
your opinion ofmy real character, and ad-
wise me in duty.
NJ Your view Of the new heart is cor.
rect. The apostle requires us to come 10
Jesus in full assurance of faith; where
fore your impression that we cannot GER
4 tainly know our character here is mis-
take, for how can we have this exercise,
without beng capable ofsuch knowledge
Thousands of professors have doubtless
been lost by yielding to the same pride
which has induced you to conceal your
fears and views of yourself Why should
a mistake on this subject, which does not
affect our integrity, be regarded as more
disgraceful than on any other2 1t is not
common for those who are deceived to be
exercised so deeply as you have BEEN
Usually they sustain their hopes, and
avert the lashes of conscience by a moral
department, and attention to some religious
duties, till the scenes of eternity suddenly
dispel their expectations and enkindle the
everlasting fame. Whenever you have
felt any religious enjoyment, have the
character of your exercises been the same
they were at frst2
P. They have, but not so strong as they
were at that time, because my hope has
been weaker. Some regard it as sinful to
doubt their interest in Christ.
M. That opinion proceeds from weak
intellect Influenced by selfish heart, as
we'll as from false view of faith. Faith
, does not consist in believing we are Chris
tians, or that Christ died for US in particu-
lar, or that our sins are pardoned, or, in
having hope and it will be wicked, as
we'll as soul-destroying. not to doubt our
good estate, where the evidence is pre-
f sumptively against US. We have now, by
an examination of your first works, ascer.