Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-04-19


Atths unhappy crisis [ ordered my pa.
tients to dispense instanter. There was a
general rush towards the door, and all had
disappeared from my renowned infrmary,
where they had long sat like patients OH
a monument smiling at grief except
the unknown sufferer who again accost-
ed me with SIS the docthur in, we're no.
norl' My patience had almost departed
with my patients, and made no reply to
the persevering inquisitor, who occupied
the same seat, as when he entered the of.
flee hours ago. There he sat-attenuated
as the last syllable ofrecorded time, '-ema-
ciated as moonlight shadow, and silent
as statue; except when he opened
mouth which made you think of church
yards yawning,' and uttered with doleful
emphasis 'It's the docthur want to see =
and then his jaw fell with such a specific
gravity and with such a Clanking sound,
you might have mistaken him for a galva.
nized skeeton'in sculptured putty or the va.
grant ghost of some Egyptian mummy, fled
from the Memphian catacombs, wandering
around the world with Belzom'i to guard
the moulding form, that was once it's local
habitauon. He wore an old triangular hat,
and the only part of his body which moved
| Except his iaw,) was his thick vascating
hair, which suddenly became perpendicular
and raised the three cooked hat high above
his head. The hair was elevated or de.
pressed without any apparent effort and
the ascension of the animated hat, was &C.
companied with such falling of the jaw,
and such grinding of teeth, that it was om-
nous. | shuedered, tainted, repeated till |
became unconscious, dog, teeth, water,
| death. ohi
When recovered my senses, began
to look around for my mysterious patient,
who had now changed the terrible attitude
| in which lastsaw him, for he was extended
on the floor with his throat cut from ear to
ear, and had evidently in a phrenzy of dcs-
pair, done the deed himself. The jugular
was still bleeding, and the pulsations of the
carotid (Which had not been severely could
be distinctly felt. After taking an old worn
out ring from his finger, and putting it on
my own, pitched the carcass Of the great
unknown into the cellar, until should have
time to eulogire on the bones.
My heel was now improving rapidly, but
prevented me from pursuing my profession
al avocatons for several days while
was incarcerated in the fragrant soltudes
of my perfumed pandemonium, and did not
admit any visitors Except my select pa
tent Mr.. Grimes,) who had lately been at
tackled with Saim Viper's dance, which was
likely TO terminate in chronic ptantasn,ago-
ria during my illness. WAS just complete
ing the beautiful and fascinating operation
for amputating a SPIDERS proboscis, with
diamond forceps without the aid Of micro.
scopes) and was fixing my newly invented
gum.eastic ligament around the large SER
pentine artery, which extends through the
duct,S, proboScus conmunicuS, and had sue.
ceeded in arrestng the hemorrhage from
the ductus revelus ruminatus (another STU
pendous artery,) had finished the operation
and was depositing the interesting specimen
in my cabinet of anatomical curiosities when
the select patient entered my apartment.
My heel had now entirely recovered. |
invited him into my office, where he gave
me an imperfect history of the complicated
condition of his morbid system and offered
an attractive fee, before had investigated
his symptoms, which, in compliance with
professional etiquette modestly declined
accepting (although | was poor, mine was
a proud poverty until | cured him; which
assured him could do by the approved
powers of my imperial steam disease euap.
orator. My patient left with much light
er heart than when he came, and request
ed me to call upon him the next morning
to conclude the examination of his case
and prepare for cooperating his disease
He lived at some distance from my resi-
dence, and alas had no horse or saddle
bags (never having been called out of the
city before) and it would be considered es
pecally vulgar for me to icaH so far.
must have horse and saddle-bags, and if
could not borrow them, knew | could no
E buy them, and would be compelled to OBJ
tain them by stratagem finally conclud
, ed, as a last resort, to call on my neighbo
Doctor Du John, who was my most envi
Gus competitor, and borrow .jackass whicl
he kept for plouging. informed the doc
, tor that wished the loan of his hyena to vi
sit Mr.. Grimes. He said that l could TAX
the animal from its stable, was very wei
come to its services, &c. &c. After pc
/ litely thanking him, and protesting my oh
! legations for the favor, led the jackass t
r my office and was about to leave, when
), discovered that it had the spring halt an
/. then recollected that had no saddle-bags
, this deficiency was soon dissipated, howey
e err, by taking pair of old boots, tying ther
S together, and singing them over the bar
i back, as | could not get saddle, and afte
It filing my bags with lobelia, primroses an
t bullrushes, and my pockets with cracker
!, and sea serpent sausages, enough to la
It me through the excursion, departed, an
n after meandering through long, roug
l. road of stumps and rails, appeared befor
W the stately domicil of Mr.. Grimes, and o.
d dered the servant to put my implement
v locomotion in the barn. The servant oil
}. serving the spasmodic action Of the 'sprIn
d halt impudently inquired the cause OF II
Is and as | was ashamed to have the fello
D. suspect that did not own the cr'ffnr, an
70 that could not prevent the convulsl'
|, contractions of its extremlties, by the p'
d tent influence of my epapordtor; ] told hi
,e that il was step the animal had acquire
n under my direct instruction, for the pu
n pose of making it lift its legs high al
4. quick, to prevent stumbling over those be
n. roads, and explained the philosophy Of tn
N artificial motion to him, (when he said Il
or spring was only in the hind legs) by T
:, ma rLinp that there was no ncccssity for