Maumee express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1837-1838, 1837-10-07

extremely shreWd. lie was Wlthal
most incorrigible glutton. Eating and
telling large stories were his chief en-
ployments. He was fortunately an en-
tire stranger to the innkeeper.
Landlord SAID the traveller, Il owe
this man, Mr.. jones', q dinner which |
lost by a foolish bet. Furnish him one
and will pay for it,
what will you have 2 asked the land
lord of Jones.
"A roast turkey, SIR
The landlord stared but issued his or
ders to the inmates of the kitchen. They
required some time to comply with the
orders. The landlord and Jones soon
made themselves old acquaintances.
Rather red face that ofyours, land
lord said Jones. Il hav'nt seen any
thing look like spring before; fine BIOS
SONS sir. '-'.s--'
you are rather crooked character,
Mr.. Jones'
Rather, sir, but not quite so crooked
as tree once knew. 1t was the tai
lest butternut | ever saw. Standing
close to it one day in thunder storm,
l saw a squirrel on one of the topmost
branches. The lightning struck the same
branch about three feet above him, and
the squirrel started. The lightning had
to follow the grain, of course, and the
squirrel went strait down. So con-
founded crooked was that tree, sir, that
the squirrel by my watch got to the bot
tom precisely three minutes before the
lightning
That's lie, | swear!, exclaimed the
landlord.
"A lie true sir, true as ever any story
was. afterwards saw the tree cut
down and ma de into rails for hog past
ure. The hogs could crawl through
twenty times in day, and so thunderin'
crooked were them are rails that every
time the hogs got out they found them
selves back in the pasture again
Before Jones had time to relate an
other story the bell rang for dinner.
The turkey was there fanked on one
side by huge dish of potatoes, and
on the other by condiments of various
kinds.
4 thank you Miss said Jones to the
damse. IN waiting, 'to cook me a few
slices of beef, | am afraid | shall not
make out dinner on this
The girl withdrew in amazement
while Jones made the most vigorous as,
sault upon the fowl, which rapidly dis.
appeared before his advances. Wings
legs, and body were soon transformed
into skeleton, and heaped into large
pile beside his plate. The vegetables too
had sensibly diminished, and he had just
laid his hands upon huge apple pie Of
uncommon dimensions, when the girl
made her appearance with the beef.
THANK ye,' said Jones, have the good
ness to cook some pork stake rather rare
and bring me plate Of pickles. have
strange Appetite
The girl disappeared, and Jones fell
to again but with less alacrity than be-
fore.-He managed however to devour
the beef just as the girl came in with
the pork the pickles having in the mean
time been eaten.
Now Miss. I'll trouble you for some
fresh fish. Have you got any
While the girl was gone to enquire
for this the landlord, who had been ap-
priced of the sad havoc which had been
made among his viands entered the
room. AT this juncture of affairs the girl
came back with the intelligence that they
had nothing but picked salmon. n
Give me half dozen pounds Of that
then
Jones had already stuffed himsef to
repletion, and to have saved his life,
could scarcely have swallowed another
morsel. The landlord having heard the
last order thought best to fill up as
cheap as possible.
Wont you have some cider Mr.. Jones!
mo sir, no | thank youn | always
make it my rule in eating not to drink
any thing till just about half through.
"Good God you'll eat us out ofhouse
and home. Quit now and you are well
come to " hat you have eaten.'
well a meal is meal, but presume
we can obtain more at the next tavern.
Tell EN- they need not cook the salm-
on, and III take you at your Offer
1t is almost needless to add, that the
landlord soon came to the knowledge Of
the circumstances connected with the
case, and that ever afterwards he was
particularly careful in selecting objects
upon whom to exercise his shaving pro-