davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

have placed below the picture in ths
autographed copies. Ii is short sir
a single sentence, sir. Here il is."-
And he forthwith produced a copy Of
the Globe. "ltis from the great expun.
ging speech->my great expunginu
speech--you have heard Of il, sir la
speech, sir, which will be read eyerv
where, not only in this country but ii
Europe-yes, sir, in Europe, sir -
Here is the sentence, sir-a single sen.
tence." He read with the air OF Bom.
bastes Furioso, these magical words.
"Sohtarg and alone, and amid the taunts
and sneers Of my opponents, hare 1 set
this bal IN motion I"
"Thore, sir" he continued. ga few
words only--but place them at the bot
tom OF your picture, and you will sell
thousands and tens of thousands in the
western country"
The artist was dissolved in gratitude
he poured gu his thanks in the cordial
and glowing expressions of his country.
They swelled the vanity Of the great
protector of the expunging farce--and
nothing would do but he must split the
ears ofthe polite foreigner with para
graph after paragraph ofhis prosy and
pointless twaddle. Certes, he did read
more than a column and a half of the
Globe, pointing out the beauties that.
lay couched in the Ian uags or ideas,
and commenting as he went along thus,
ga fine idea, that, sir !" g an admirable
image, that, sir !" And after a para.
graphof inimitable absurdity, he would
cry, " alb, sir, there are some noble
pluages! I" (not fights but plunges,-
Good that, is it not, and most appro-
PIRATE. Let us hereafter dignity those
efforts Of our young orators by calling
them true Bentonian plunges! "Ah,
SIR, there are some noble plunges, and
the whole speech is in the same style.
Many of my speeches are argumenta-
tive and demonstrative, but this is a
sort of winding up-more embellish-
ment here--it is a peroration-its all
peroration, sir !"
The enthusiastic artists eyes kind.
led as he spoke. AS the Colonel found
out his magniloquence, he would ex.
claim, "ahl very fno grand!" &c.
He evidently considered his fortune
made. 1t was u lucky stroke of tho
pencil that made the likeness of d man
who, "solitary and alone, has set a
ball in motion"-whose e~xpunging
speech will be read every where in
Europe and America ~!!"-whose mot,
toed image will be sold by tens Of thou.
sands in the western country land
whose Senatorial efforts are all plum
ges and perorafionsN
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08
Correspondence of the Baltimore Patriot.

SCENE IN AN ARTISTS STUDIo.-Of
all the humbugs in this humbugging
age, Tom Benton is undoubtedly the
greatest. | have already recorded in
your columns some proofs that since
the passage of the expunging resolu-
tons, he has grown twenty stories high
err in his own conccit-and | did not
believe it possible that his vanity and
egotism could 60 much beyond these
instances. But, indeed, they do not,
by many degrees, come up tothe mark.
He has just had his picture taken by
a young Italian artist, who occupies a
room ia one OF the lower stories Of the
Capitol. A day or two ago scene
occurred in the artists studio, which,
would that the people of these u
nited States could have Witnessed
that they might judge OF the exact
height, breadth, and depth ofthe great
expunger's soul. The artist is busily
engaged in making a likeness of Mr..
Van Buren,. Enter Mr.. Benton
"Good morning, sir, good morning,
SIR" (The chief of the expungers,
like Justice Shallow, is fond of litera-
ture.) " Have you my portrait? have
you my portraitT'
The polite foreigner, all smiles and
graces, dropped the Vice President and
his pencil, and fastened to present the
great Colonel with exact the image
Of himself. The Colonel gazed upon
it with the highest satisfaction
Haslett, it is who says that there is a
natural desire in the mind of man to
have ones likeness multiplied. The
Colonel evidently felt it. "Admlra-
blel excellent !" he exclaimed. After
a pause he added, "You must have 1t
autographed And my friends have
suggested a motto which wish you to
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08
From the Richmond Compiler.

The following amusing description,
of the pangs of leaving bed, is admira-
bly, adapted 10 this season ofthc year.
We have never seen 40 better done.--
The Columbia Times says, If the ia.
v~ention OF sleep deserve those famous
praises whichsSancho bestowed upon il,
certainly he who first brought into use
the execrable discovery of getting out
of bed, merits every morning to be re-
membered, by the whole human race,
with q curse.
Cool CoURAGE.--What determined
purpose, what decisive action, what
cool calculation, what a powerful Of.
fort at %volition, 1t requires 10 get out
of bed n Of these icy mornings p
The man, who, in a ~stoveless, f~ireless
room a deliberately push back the
bed clothes and roll out Of his warm
nest, without a shrug or a shudder, is
calculated for deeds Of noble DARING
He should hold Himself in readiness to
enlist against the Indians, for he un-
doubleday possesses n essential requi-
site of a soldier, TO wit, coolness.-
He has a savageness Of disposition,
and an iciness Of feeling, which, tho
they may command respect, cannot be
envied. Form man Of a phlcgmatic
temperament, it requires mighty eff.
fort to 60 to bed--a mIghtier to turn
over when he gets there-but the NIGH
test Of all to get up again. Before he
goes he warns and turns, and turns
and warns pokes his toes TO the fire,
and then bis heels--rubs his hands
bakes his shins, and snsaks to bed
Then If a shank happen to stray over
his linen, six inches from the warm
place where it vas originally planted
he snatches it back as lift were snake
bit. But when day comes, and the
breakfast things begin to rattle on the
table-here we must be excused, for it's
no joke--Hoo.oo-oo.
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08
WHAT is TO BECOME OF THE AMERI.
CAN REPUBLIC?

When we reflect on what has been,
and what is, how is it possible not to
feel a profound sense OF the responsible
lities of this republic to all future ages.
What vast motives press upon us for
lofty effort. What brilliant prospects
invite u enthusiasm. What solemn
warnings at once demand our vigilance
and moderate our confidence
The old world has already revealed
to us in its unsealed books, the Begin
ming and end ofall its marvellous strug-
giles in the cause of liberty. Greece !
lovely Greece! the land of scholars
and the nurse of arms, where sister re-
publics, in fair procession, chanted the
praise ofliberty and the good, where is
she? For two thousand years the op-
pressors have bound her to the earth.
Her arts are nc more. The last sad
relics of her temples are but the bar
racks ofa ruthless soldiery /; the frag-
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08
From the Providence Journal.


"Frank, | am going to be married"
"Be what, Bob
"Married."
"Married, Bob"
cay, married why not Il? and to-
morrow evening""
Who a be such a fool 2"
spoke rather thoughtlessly to be
sure, but it was SO natural. Bob was
a clever fellow,-one of that class of
people who lend umbrellas and pen
knives, a very good naturcd fellow was
Bob. And every body called him a
good natured tellow-but every body
said as they called him so, "what a
pity ne had not a little more Sc. -
lie would do anything for you, and
and you might do anything to him,
and as for his being offended, il was
something he never dreamed of, and in
tact people said he did not knowenough
to be oftended-a very malicious OBJ
~servatlon, undoubtedly /; but one that
somehow gained w~ondrous credit. |
was at a loss to imagine who Bob
could have imposed upon so much as
10 persuade to become his wife, and
ran through the whole list of nursery
maids and milliners's apprentices that
mad ever seen, without being able to
arrive at any satisfactory conclusion.
sToke therefore my thoughts, when |
SAID, Who can be such a fool z"
FOOL" said Bob, without compre-
hending that my remark was other than
a general one. "You don't think a
lady a fool for being married, do you!"
only under particular circumstan-
ces," replied.
But there are difficulties in the
way"
81 should think there might be-"
"And rely upon you to assist me-"
"Rely, my dear Bob, | would do al.
most any thing 10 oblige you: but
don't think could persuade a lady to
marry you. am not eloquent. Be.
sides, have a conscience"
"Oh, she has consented but her
father-these fathers you know, are
always in the way-I have not asked
him, but she says it will be of no use,
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

to suffer much from ennui Thinking
this might be caused by the absence o.
female companions, he induced ever.
al young ladies, relatives, to make his
house their home, in hopes thereby to
render her completely happy. This
arrangement had not the desired effect.
His beloved, though apparently joyful
and cheerful, while conversing with
him, as soon as the conversation lag
ged, relapsed into her melancholy
mood. Surprised at this, he fell to
bordering and AFTER a lengthy relec.
tion, he came to tho determination Of
sending to New York for a piano, to
be forwarded by the first ship bound
for Vlcksburg, Grand Cult, or Match.
ez. Well, the musical companion at
length arrivcd-and a splendid one it
was, of beautiful mahogany, ornament
cd and polished to the amount of a FIVE
hundred dollar bank note.-And then
it discoursed such ravishing melody, as
the snowy fingers of the young bride
pressed the keys! The young planter
wash raptures and congratulated him.
self on having procured the one thing
needful to his angels complete felicity.
Poor man he paid but a poor COM
pliment to his amiable partners intel.
lect, ifhe thought she.could c~ontentedly
pass her leisure hours in STUNNING d
piano forte He was mistaken. Tho
music hath charms," like love, il is
not the only desideratum in this world
for awhile it pleases the ear and
touches tas heart, but ministers not to
the mind! The lady but seldom court.
ed Apollo, and her husband had the
modification Of foeling that he had not
yet made his domicil a paradise to "be
adored." At last TO solve the riddle
of her discomfort, he asked her if she
did not at times regret having entered
the marriage state2 "Oh, no, indeed!"
she replied with earnestness, "never
for a moment, have | been other than
your happy wife I; but, sometimes"
-" Well, sometimes what, dearest z"
"lfl must tell you then--somctimes |
regret that you don't take the newspa-
pers. Pa, takes half a dozen! T"
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08
THREE IN A BED.-George Sykes,

THREE N A BED.-George Sykes,
of Nottingham, an itinerant preacher,
vas onc travelling in England !; and
had stopped at an inn for the night
There had been a fair in the town du-
ring the day, and Sykes had been in
formed by the landlord that unless he
could sleep in bed with another stran-
ger he could not accommodate him, as
the house was crowded. George went
to church, and service being concluded
returned home and retired to his room,
and locked the door. After the dan.
cling and music had ceased, the compa.
NY began to dispense, the stranger re-
tired to the door Of what he considered
his room. The door was fast, and tired
with calling and knocking, he reused
the landlord, who accompanied him to
the door. 'Hollo, stranger cried the
host, there is another man, you know
to get in bed here Sykes, who was
wide awake by this time, replied, what,
another man?' yes, to be sure.' why,
says Sykes, there's myself, George
Sykes and a man from Nottingham,
and | think that's quite enough for one
bed!' The stranger withdrew, saying
The was not very particular, but recon.
ed that three in one bed was quite suf.
6cienf.'
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08
MI G x.

MIR. James l.. Talbot, on assuming the
prod etorship and editorial direction OF
The Jackson Tenn Truth Teller, discour-
seth thus gallantly:
We Wish it distinctly understood by the
patrons of our press, that IFS columns can
no, be made the medium of personal al
tercation or abuse; aud under no consider.
alton ,cLaieper, shall we suffer a man to
outrage the feelings of society, by ADDER
Using his ,cjfe. But, on the contrary,
hereby declare, that without money or
price, we shall be happy to give the !" in
iured fair one" the use of our advertising
department, to caution the " stray vaga-
bond.
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

w learn that the last failure OF the
government Express mail, was owing TO
the following circumstances. In the
neighborhood Of Wilmington, (De) the
Express riders,-one from the North and
the ether from the south, rode full tilt a.
gainst each other! The conclusion was
tremendous. The southern post boy was
sent flying through the air in the direc
ton Of Maryland, while his northera
contemporary was describing AERIAL and
imaginary curves toward Pennsylvania.
From all we can learn, the encounter must
have been very much like an affair of hon.
our, between two locomotive engines.
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

DANcING.-"I am an I'D fellow"
SAYS Cowper, in one Of his letters TO
Hurdis, but | had once my dancing
days as you have now, yet | never
could find that | could learn half so
much of a woman's character by dam
cling with her as by conversing with
her at home, when | could observe her
behavior at the table, at the fire-side,
and in all the trying circumstances Of
domestic life. W. are all good when
we are pleased; but she is the good
woman who wants not the fiddle 10
sweeten her."
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

On pIT.-A letter from a gentleman IN
Washington, TO bis friend in Paris, Ky.
dated on the 20ult. says" Great doubts
exist whether a Vice President will be e.
lected at all, by the Senate. 1t is said
that /" the party" will not vote for Col.
johnson, and, also that they will not any
of them, vote for Mr.. Granger, SO that
neither being able to obtain a majority.
Mr.. King, the President of the Senate,
pro tenn. will be Vice for four years, er Of.
.Jicio.'-MaysriM (Ky.) Eagle.
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

The National Intelligencer of the 2sth
ult says 1.-The bill for the admission Of
MICHIGAN into the Union, having yester-
day received the appreciation of the Pre-
sident and became a law, the Senators,
Messrs. Lyon and Noruell, and the Repre-
sentative, MIR. Crary, of the new State,
took the oaths of office and their seats 10
their respective Houses. Thus the mum
Der Of the American Family of States has
beer precisely doubled since the epoch of
the independence of the original thirteen"
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

We notice an advertisement in an ex-
change paper, wherein one Mr.. Pig speaks
of bis wife having eloped from his bed
and board. VIZ sincerely hope Mrs. Pig
will go back to her liege lord, and make
the sly comfortable for the old grunter
and the little porkers. When a woman
marries a hog she ought to make up her
mind 10 90 the whole swine.
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

Charles X. left a will which is only to
be opened in the presence of a delegate
from the Austrian Court. Before his
death he is said to have told the Due de
Bordeaux, that it would be unwise to at
tempt any thing against Louis Philippe.
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

A HINT TO YOU'VE HUsBASDs.-A
young planter in the upper part ofthe
State of Mississippi, lately married to
a beautiful and highly intellectual lady,
after the honey moon had passed, was
panied TO observe that his young bride
was thoughtful at times, and appeared
Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1837-02-08

A NEW BELIEF.-An Irishman, nearly
" three sheets in the wind" was asked of
of what belief he was. He replied, ego to
the widow Miliken. | W her twelve
shillings. 1t is her belief that | will never
pay her, and faith that's my belief TOO"
Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-11-22
The Laughing Mistake.--A gentleman

The Laughing Mistake.--A gentleman
going to see a professed wit and punster,
took his valet with him. He instructed his
servant on the way, that he must laugh at
every thing which the wit said, whether he
understood it or moi, as that worthy was al.
ways highly incensed when the company
present did not shake their sides and roar
Justly at his jokes. As in duty bound, the
valet promised to obey. They reached
the house, and found the wit iaboring un.
der severe attack ofihe govt. "Oh, my
God what circulating agony do suffer :"
cried he with a distorted countenance, as
they entered the room.--IHereupon the o.
bedient servant clapped both hands on his
sides, and roared out with laughter. The
rrilated invalid sprang from his chair and
kicked the man Of mirth from the top of
the stairs to the bottom thereof.
Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-11-22
From the Richmond L inquirer.
BETTER TINES. y

The Markets. last packet from
England, to the I'd of September, brings
cheering accounts of the moentary con-
Germs of that country. All the New York
papers concur in the favorable prospects.
The Herald says that 1.-The bullion in the
Bank of England is increasng-interest is
faIling-cotton is steady--and all the ole-
ments of commercial industry abroad seem
to be full in operation" The New York
correspondent of the National lnteligen.
Ger writes on the 9Th inst, that ''money is
abundant in England, greedily seeking op-
portunities for profitable investment. All
our stocks and securities that are undouted
are sought for with avidty, aud particular.
" the bonds of the United States Bank,
which now sell from 81 to SO. The cot
ton market continues to advance in Liver.
pool, exhibiting many indications Of en-
enlargement to us on this side of the wa.
ter. The advance is now from one.eight
to one.fourth of penny. Spectators
seem to be willing to invest. The Bullion
in the Bank oc England Aug. ll) was
1854, 900 pounds sterling, which is an in
crease of over a million and a half since
the bank begun to curtail her issues. ~
Interest on good paper is said to be down
to per cent. Hudson's New York Ex-
press says, that "The arrivals of the pack.
ct ships England from Liverpool, and
Erie, from Havre, bring US Europen dates
eleven days later--from Liverpool to the
4th ult., and from Havre to the 26th Au-
gust. The intelligence presents TO us CON-
merce, monetary matters and all kinds OF
business, in an improving light, and with still
more interest and habiliments than our pre-
vious advices. Cotton had advanced I'D
to I'D per pound, and was firm at that i'm
provement. The money market, general.
ly, was without nuctuatlon and the in
crease of bullion had greatly increased the
activity that had previously commenced in
all branches of trade. This favorable
state of mercantile affairs in Europe will
give additional impulse and strength TO our
hopes and feelings Of further improvement
here: and will more rapidly raise us from
the low ebb TO which we have been carried
in the business tide of commercial trade.
Times have begun to mend in New York
Exchange and specie have fallen consid-
erably within fortnight past. A friend
who passed through it about three weeks
since, and returned few days ago, was
struck with the Improvement. He found
specie at . per cent when he first visited
the city on his return i; had fallen to A.
and 5. The signs are brightening-and
in very few months we hope to see all
the solvent banks resuIniDp sDecic Day-
ments.
Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-11-22
DETROIT CITY BANK.

The books, which have been open for
the last four days, for subscriptions to the
capital stock of this institution, under the
General Bank Law, closed yesterday
and we are happy to learn that the whole
amount, ($200,O00) was subscribed, and
the per cent. in specie paid in, according
to law. Without any disparagement to the
other institutions of the city. which are as
sound and as well conducted as any in the
Union, we do not hesitate to say, from our
knowledge of the gentlemen concerned in
it, that the Detroit City Bank promises to
be one Of the best institutions of the state.
The subscribers to the stock comprising
individuals of all parties, are some of our
most esterprising and substantial business
men, and in their character for wealth, in.
tegrity and business habits, the peonle
have an assurance that the institution will
be safely and honorably conducted.-De-
troit Daily Free Press.
Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-11-22

The great american Lakcs.-Lakes, rel.
ative ertent, elevation, &C. The Ontario is
100 miles long. 40 miles wide, 500 feet
deep. and its surface is computed at 23l
feet elevation above the tide waters al
Three rivers, 270 miles below Cape St.
Vincent.
The Erie is 270 miles long, 60 miles
wide, 100 feet deep, and its surface is as
cer,ained to be near $50 feet above the tide
waters at Albany.
The Huron is $50 miles long, 100 miles
average breadth, 900 feet deep, and its
surface is near sos feet above tide water.
Michigan is 400 miles long, SO miles
wide, depth and elevation the same rs Hu.
ron.
Green Bay is about 100 miles long, 90
miles wide, depth unknown, elevation the
same as Huron and Mchignn.
Lake Superior Is 40 miles long, 100
miles averag. width, 900 feet deep, and
IFS surface is 64s feet above tide waters.
Bottom of Lake Ontario, 800 feet below
the surface Of tide water.
Huron, 3O5 feet ditto.
Michigan, 3O5 feet ditto.
Superior, 305 feet ditto.
Erie is 445 feet above the surface of tide
water.-Noraoich Mechanics Adu.
Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-11-22

A Sailors Description of Hunting
Going TO see my father t'other day, he ax'd
me to take voyage a hunting with him
so, when the swabber had rigid the horses,
they brought me out TO STOW myself on
board of-one they told me was in such
right trim, she would 60 as fast on any
tack us filkstone cutter; so got aloii,
and clapt myself athwart ship and made as
much way as any on 'em and TO the wind.
ward of gravel pit was sped hare at
anchor; SO weighed and bore away, and
just as had overtaken her. my horse came
plump ashore upon rock--the backstay
broke-she piched me over forecastle,
came keel upwards, and unshipped my
shoulder and hang me if ever | sail on
land privateering again."