Richmond Indiana palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1837-1839, 1837-10-07

his brooches up with both hands, and his elbows
Doth torn oat aud dirty shirt sleeve peepin
through, and holes in his stockins, and his sIiss
all paassered over. 'Why,' saws l .UncIe Sam,
what on airth ais you! Come SAYS "give me
your hand my old friend, and let US talk it all
over together" IL am sorry Major saws he, II
can't shake hands with you Jest now-mv hands
are busy" says he. ~What,n saws l, ..holdin the
money aye, Uncle Sam-both hands full, as USUAL
says L. "Not exactly, Major" saws he; and with
that he cum up close to me, and whispered in my
ear, 81 am in bad box Ma says he shave
got 80 many wives, | amt got a button left for
my suspenders-they are all off, "Do tell now
says |, Il want to know!!!'' sits true says he
"and You may see for YOURSELF And with that
SIGH pickle
Well, says l, "Uncle SAM" this comes from
folks glvin you bad advice--or rather by your not
takin good advice. You forgot, saws !, ono fact
and that is, that it intended that your family
matters should be regulated on the same plan Of
every other we'll regulated famiI y-and that tho
yours Is the General Government family, it
intended to be regulated jest the same plan as
the family OF the humblest of "your mastcrs,'-
and there, SAYS l. was the mother wit of the thing
in the beginnin.'-What .masters?' spunkin up &
tryin to swe-(but tallin to hold on his bree-
chcs)-'who my .masterse hc-.Your
mnstersH says why 'tte peop'e'-and am
rule they made for the regulating of your fami Y
YOU would not has C been in Your present condi-
ton.
.No.' says I--'Unc:c Sam--there is but one
way that can see for YOU take. and that is for
you to call all your young women about YOU and
tell 'cm that YOU can't have but one wife, & they
must git husbands each in their own State Here
Uncle Sam shook his head and Iook'd considera-
BILE sad, Il afraid Major says he, 1T too late.
it was an easy job to git rid Of one rife but to
GIT rid of many all at once, am afraid | shall
git spanked red cherry Never mind
that, SAYS, l'you'il git no than you dcsarv G
If you do, folks that dance must pay the fiilcr,
says ], 'Unc!c Sam But Major, must dirorce
them all? NO. says |, 'thcre is no dirorcc in
the matter, you can't do that unless you can prove
Grim con. that's the Law saysL well can
says he, q can prove that the post office the
land office, and Amos 'IIush,' says l.
uncle Sam, don't talk so, for it is old story
in all countries, that man who has moro than
wife, is n bigger fool than his friends and has
more friends than buttons Now don't say any
thing about it. You have got into scrape
and the best way is to git out ont You'll fine
that Your young wives will be glad to git rio
of you, as YOU will be 20 git rid of them. Bu
you mustn't talk of dirorcc, or they'll bring yot
to the proof, and show that you first came cour
tin. And by the time you prove guilt on any ont
'cm, they'll git You 'on the hip and keep yo,
there too,' says l. Now look at your courtin. an(
compare it with what it was---i,'s sad change,
says !, 'Uncle Sam, amt it?---howsevcr,' says
my old friend you've had 4 trolic, and this i
the cend on't--and prtty much the eend of al
frolics'.Now,' says l, I'VE must go and see VIVA
can be done with the old Wfe----I'il be bound
says |, she's as sound ever she was, and not tn
worse for havin taken shelter in her old nativ
State of Pcnnsylvany. I'll go on first says
'Unclc Sam, and tell her to git her buttons an
sopc ready for you and if don't miss my guess
you will in few weeks look cherk agin az
boy; and as she is good natur'd crittur and like
to all happy about her, she will do all she ca
to provide for the young women you have bee
,, gaIavantin with of late, for she thinks you ar
moro to blame Than they be- And them says
uncle Sa!::, then ali gifts siick'd up, and you Z
all your buttons sew'd on, you will have spar
: hand always ready to welcome a friend or knoc
; down enemy. At present. says J, 'Cnclc San
you're ..hum-bug'd ;''*--And with that Cnc
Sam he twitch'dup his breeches, and spunk'd u
considerable, and we mov'd on together
y I'll tell the balance of this story another tim
Your Friend.
=, J. DOWNING, Major.
II Cd Brigade, Downingyillc Militia.