Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1837-09-22
MAJOR DowNINc--on the Message

II the Major calls this "on!y takin the
bark of ONT" we don't know what will be
left Of the timber by the time he has got the
square on't'-but we will not, by any re-
marks OF our own. deiain our readers from
a production, the perfect good temper OF
which is only equaled by its true and unal-
Logged patriotism.-N y Express.
Nigh the wreck of the Two Pollies, }
RocAKwAY, Sept. III, 1887
To UNCLE SAM
My Old Friend IL have been readin
the Message over from top 10 bottom-and
from bottom TO rop--and from the middle
ont both ways-and rolPd il over Jest ms
carpenter does log. and draw'd chalk lines
to git the square ont, and sharpen'd my ak,
and began 10 chip of. 1t is more than
se. in ibis le eie 10 10 do more re- Than gHt
bark of. II is plagy long Message, seein
that it speaks OF any one matter-but this
comes from our great folks in office usiu
SIGH long words, and slringin on 'em to.
gether like ingions. when few short ones
would tell the same story.
remember, one day when was 10 hum,
Uncle Joshua got letter from Washing
ton, from a friend of hisn who had gone
there 10 ask the Giaerai to make Uncle
Joshua Postmaster. He told a long story
about the delay--and that the Gineral was
sick-and that the doctors said that he was
ao,o "eonicaiiesent" "Con what2" asked
Aunt Nabby. "Why conwalesent," said
Uncle Joshua, rubbing his spectacles.--
what in natur is that complaint now" ask
ed Aunt Nabby agin. II don't know"
says Uncle Joshua, ''but all | hope is it
amt the name OF a neio party-it is one
or tother. Pm afraid-and If il is the latter,
we must all brush round and turn 'Conwal-
resent as soon as possible, or shan't git my
Office, that's sarting"-and Jest then | came
in, and il was well did. or Uncle Joshua
would had oil Downingville cal'd to a
public mee,in, and the hull Jackson party
would have gone right over to the "Conioal-
iescnt party in no time. But as soon as
teIrd Uncle Joshua what the rale meanin of
the word was-and that il was only the Doc
tors ray Of sayin the Gineral was gittin
better says he, Pm glad it's no
worse-for it's hard matter, Major. to
change the name of a party; but why in ma
tur didn't the man say so-'glttin better, is
plain English, but 'Coa~aHesenf is jest no
word at ALL" III was afraid" says Aunt
Nabby, ut was hidrafoby" "Hidra6ddle-
stick" says Uncle Joshua, IL know'd il
warn't ihat-for dog would jest as soon
dare bite hot puddin as to bite the Gneral.'
And so we all concluded the best way was 10
use plain language-and it has been lesson
TO me ever since.
Now as to this message, every body thinks
he knows what il means, and all that part
ont that has any Of the "Conwallesent" ma
tur about it is so sugar'd over pritty much
every body swallows it right down. Bu,
that amt my way: know there is always
Two sides TO pewter platter. II have time,
mean to rub off all the sugar and gliding,
and see what's leh ont; andthen il find it
the "raie grit" I'll go IL, and advise every
body to 90 H.; but if on the contrary, find
il wont hold water, and amt sound doctrine,
| wont go IL, and no man in all Downing
Vile will go IL, Every body says, that |
have hearn speak ont, land every body is
talking Of nothing else jst now,) that there
| is mo mistake" in that message Now
think see good many mistakes about it,
The first mistake is. it is too long at both
eends and not short enutf in the middle
seein now that the Globe folks have lost the
prinlin ont n5-you wont see so long one
agn in one spell so long as them Consaroa-
tire folks keep the printin.EU The next
mistake is, il says leetle too much about
separation THE Government from the gen
eral consarns Of The people. and as sass Tor
the goose ought to be sass for the gsnder.