Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-04-19


tive curiosity, the fantastic motions III its
feet, when | found that my exciting cogita.
tons on the subject had been SO intense,
that had forgot my patient. hurried in.
to the house, and was met in the hall by
Mrs. Grimes, who gave me an enthusiastic
welcome, by embracing me like long lost
brother, exclaiming, my dear Doctor Steam
nation, | have been waiting for you in an
agony of suffering and misery for three
long, long hours and you have come at last. ,
This was an extatic moment. The infu-
ence of Mr.. Grimes was powerful, and had
already been excited in my favor. had of.
ten heard of'plucking bripht honor from the
pale faced MOON but never before suppos.
ed | should pluck bright honor from pale
faced patient. Here was in this splendid
mansion of aristocratic grandeur; the wis.,
est Of the wise, and the observed of all OBJ
servers Now Fame, farewell, I've touch
ed the highest point of all Thy greatness,
and from that full meridian of my glory, |
can look down upon the plebelan physician
with supreme contempt Thus | solilo-
pulsed beyond expression. thought
heard thousand tongues jumping from as
many mouths, exclaim, 'Oh great Steam
nation, while living well adore thee, and
bow TO the majesty Of thy immortal genius,
and when dead well erect monument of
steam.engines to thy memory Dinner
was waiting, and previous to consulting with
my patient (who had fallen asleep) Mrs.
Grimes escorted me into the drawing room,
which was crowded with company, friends
and strangers, who were deeply sympathi-
sing with Mrs. G.. and myself in the afflic-
ton, which had cast such dark shade of
sorrow over every heart. From the draw
ing room Mrs. G.. led us into the dining
hall, and begged that would officiate in
Mr.. G.'s absence, and take the head of the
table, but refused with dignifed and be-
coming dffidence to usurp the conspicuous
honor Of presiding over the deliberations
of the august assembly, and modestly sug-
gested to Mrs. G. the propriety of some
more distinguished person than myself &C.
cupying the pre-eminent STD The
Doctor, the Doctor! shouted every voice
in the room.
THE doctor must preside OF course
such pertinacious entreaties could not be re-
sisted, and down | sat. Doctor" said
Judge B., 'as you are an anatomist and
Psychologist, will you be kind enough to dis
sect this turkey, and that canvass back 7
Certainly replied with nairette, thinking
ut the same time it would be fine opportu-
nifty to display my medical learning, and as
tonish my admirers by an autopsical disqui-
sition on the poultry subjects. | began
with the turkey. 'Gentlemen,' said |, 'this
turkey was once living, but is now dead. 1t
is indubitable evidence that it was once !iv-
ing, because it is dead: and when thing
is dead, it ccrses to live, aud cannot live or
die again From poSt-mortaI observations
it is plain to see that this turkey died with
dislocation of the respiring tube, attended
with acute strangulation and Go on
doctor, go on DOCTOR shouted the whole
company, who were becoming more and
more interested as proceeded. / contin-
ued "a general spasm of the ductus respira-
tbs, or, vulgarly speaking, the wind-pipe-.'
Just as concluded this sentence, dropped
the carving knife, and in STOPPING to pick ii
up, one of the sausages, (Which | always
carry with me for luncheon, as | never
before sat down to regular dinner) fell
out of my pocket on the floor; but snatch.
ed it up before any one had seen it, and put
it into my hat, (which was under the table.
Mem. 1t happened that Mrs. Grimes had
some of the same kind on the table. They
were called sea-serpent sausages from theiI
peculiar shape, being very large, dry and
heavy. After securing the sausage, wen
on to complete the dissection of the turkey
and canvass back, and embelished my re.
marks on the operation with touching sen
tment, dashes Of morality, and flashes o
wit, so beautifully and dellcately blended
with my subject as to command the mos
flattering attention. The enticing luxuries
of the table were soon demolished, the clotf
was removed, and cake and wine followed
in delightful profusion. All eyes began te
sparkle with enlivening Champagne (Which
tasted to me like old Connecticut cider
never having drank any BEFORE and sool
passed from grave to gay-from lively t
- Mr.. Grimes himself, had burs
the chains of Somnus, and plunged all hi
misery and suffering into the oblivious con
yiyialities of the occasion, forgetting tina
he was an invalid. Judge B. had just Civ
en- me complimentary toast in which h
culogized my steam disease evaporation a
} the Archimedean lever that would lift dis
ease and death from the world After re
marking that the gentleman's metaphorlca
nllusion TO nv snfernal machine was yer.
beautifulsand appropriate, gave the follow
! inp toast and explanation, whichwere receiy
) ed with rapturous applause;
.SrEAM-Its quality is never strained.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., tho heathe
I poet says
/ "The quality of mercy is not strained
, 1t falleth as the gentle dew from heaven
Now it is evident that steam is more va
: liable than mercy, for the quality OF steal
is not strained, land rises to heaven, while me-
cy falls, according to our Shakspeare's al
thority. This argument was irrefutable, an
; convinced all who were formerly oppose
,, to steam of its power and efficacy in con
! batting disease.
Mr.. Grimes gave the ensuing toa
!, standing, with person hold OF each arr
= = as he could not stand without assistance
;. sDocroa SrEAMNATroN may the bcnef
d of his steam neper be restricted 10 any NATE
g but crlend through all creation, and .
5 steam spurning the attraction Of grar'fdno
G shall Nth his steam habitation, and Me eno
}. rorld's alteration, ascend 10 each sat
/. -, s,e1ot;on. there 10 steam, STEAM, STEA