Staunton spectator, and general advertiser. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 183?-1849, 1837-09-28
From the Ns1 York Daily Express
MAJOR DOWNING-ON .;ur MrS

! cata
If the Major calls this 'ony takio tho bor,
of ont we don't know what will be lei, al
The timber by the time he has got the ssouar,
on but we will not, by any remarks oil
our own, deiain our readers from produc.
non, The perfect good temper of " hch is ON
~ equaiied by lis true and unaloyed pairiof-
isni: ~"
Nigh the wreck Of the Two Pulles. }
! To Uncle Sam:
MY OLD FRIEND:-I have been readin
the message over from top TO bottom-and
ir"m bottom To top-and from the middle
ont both ways-and | rolI'd il over Jest as a
Carpenter does a log, and draw'd chalk lines
TO git the square ONT, and sharpen'd INV ak
and began 10 chip off. II is more Than DAVIS
JOB, anu don know that can promise. in
lhis letter, TO do more Than git the bark off
IL isa pldgy long Message, seen that il speaks
vi "ny one matter-but this comes from our
great folks in Office usin SIGH long IS ords. g.
siringin on EN- together like ingons, when a
lew short ones would tell the same story.
RENE mher, one day when was 10 hum,
Cncie Joshua got letter from Washington.
from "A friend OF hisin who had gone there TO
ask the Gineral Ia make Uncle Josbu, Post
master. lie told long story about the delay
and that the Gineral was sick-and that
the doctors said that he was notu, con,raus.
sent. Con what ? asked Auut Nabby.
! Why conwallesent,' said Uncle Joshua,
rubin his spectacleS. What in natur is
that complaint now,' ask'd Aunt Nahhy
gin. u don't know says Uncle Joshua.
but all hope is il amt The name of a ,,etu
parfy-it is one tother, I am afraid-and
II IL Is the latter, we must all brush round s,
turn Cow allesent' as soon as possible, or |
shan't git my office, that's sarting'--and Jest
hon Il
Gle Joshua would had all Downingville
cali'd 10 public meeting, and the hull Jack
son party would have gone right over te the
tonDaIesent party in M time But ms soon
as telid Uncle Joshua what the rale mean
IN OF The word was-aud that il was ony the
doctors Udy OF saying the Gineral was git.
tan betier'-'W Well says he, Pm glad IFS
no worse-ior it's a hard matter, Major, TO
change the name OF d party bu, why in ma
tur didn't the man say se-'giiiin better is
plain English, hut C0npaiiesen' is jest no
word at all Il was afraid, says Aunt Nab
by, II was hidrafohy.' 'Hidra- fiddle stick
says Uncle Joshua, Il know'd il warn't that
-i"r dog would jest as soon dare bite q hot
puddin as 10 bite the Gineral "A nd so we
all concluded the best way was 10 use plain
ianguaSe-and il has been lessen 10 me ey.
err since
Now as TO this Message, every body thinks
he knows what il means and all that mart
on [ that has any of the 'Conwaliesent; natur
about II is so sugar'd over, pri,ty much eve
ry body swallows il right down Bu, tha,
am, my way; | know there is ALWAYS two
sides 20 ii pewter platter. III have time |
mean to rub off all the sugar and see what is
ieit on I and then il find il the srale griP
u go II, and advise every body IN 90 ii
but II on the contrary, / find il " ont hold
wafer, and amt sound doctrine | wont go IT,
and no man in all DowniugvIlle will 90 it,
Every body says, that have hearn speak
ont, (and every body is talkin Of nolhin else
Jist now, that there is no mistake in that
message. Now think | see good many
mistakes about il. The first mistake is, il is
too long AT both eends, and not short enough
IN the mhdle-seein now that the GLObe
ioik' have lost the prinin ont 93-you won't
see so long one agin in one spell, so long as
them Conservatives folks X eep the printin 0cs-
The next mistake is. il says leetle too much
about sepnratin The Government tom the
general concerns of The people, and as sass
for the goose oughtto he soss for the gander,'
Congress began right off to try the Expert
ment, hrst IN the printin line and see how
that viii work, and the first thing we see is
the Globe folks, that haint been separated
now for gon on over 8 years from good
sou, 900 Tit year Of The Government
Toutd RICH, of, and another pig has got holt.
don't like TO see man or pig lose his tit
unless he deserves il, and il | can find out
that the Globe folks don't deserve to lose
theirs, they shall have the pIintin OF all my
Letters for no!hin.
The next mistake is in TALK in loo severely
agin the Banks, and sepnratIn all consarns
OF the Government from ihein should
like TO know now, who first ask d TO be con
necfed-was il the Government or 'ihe
Banks: MIR. hindle, perhaps, can answer
this, and tell US who sent him round among
the banks-some four years ago. The banks,
10 be sure, have got prtiy bad name list
now and jist so the old quaker's dog got
bad character, and come near the loss of his
life by II his master said ne would not kill
BIN, but III! give thee bad name; Bad
dog, bad dog says he, and away went poor
iowser, and afore he got round the corner
The boys all arler him--with sticks and stones
= bad dog, mad dog and the folks scamper-
Ell, and The old women slam'j The doors shut;
and 1t was nigh upon all over with poor Tow
ser. II il hadn't been for his gitlin 10 the
river, and az soon as he took 10 the wafer and
swan like duck-every body stop'd and
said well, that dog haint got the hIdrafoby.
And JIst so ii will be with our Banks, they
viii gII aiioat 10 ights, and then a good ma
ny folks will say il was a great mistake TO a
ouse EN- So don't think ii Uncle Sam
cuts SIGH shines rs he has ol late, that he will
find a bank, or natural person.' az Mr..
Wright says, ready to take him in as a part.
ner agIn on any day--especiaily if he goes
on The principles OF 'separatin' himself list
when IT suits him, wilhsut regardin his "a
greemeni OF coparlnership,' as he did smell
ago, with the United States Bank.
The greatest mistake Uncle Sam ever
made is when be talks Of Separuiin himselfI