Maumee express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1837-1838, 1837-09-30
From the New York Express.
Nigh the Wreck of the Two Pollies
RocKAwAy, l.. !. Sept. I6, 1887.

Nlgh the wreck OF The Two PolIles [
RocKAwAY, l.. !. Sept. l6, 1887 !
got one of your papers in which you
printed my last letter 10 "Uncle Sam,"
and when readin ont, it was fortunate
for you that you was 20 miles of1,--for
never did see sich 'tarnal work as you
made of some parts ofmy letter. How
ever, all Eve got to say about it is, If
folks who read my letters nj print, find
any thing in IN that don't read smooth,
and amt correct as to dates and facts,
they may sit it down agin the printers.
1t was jest so once with a young Doctor,
friend of mine, in the Colare times.--
He writ long letter once, about how
he cured folks by giving Calomel--he
writ "Calomel in doses very minute"
and the printers put it in print "Calo-
mel in doses every minute" Up, went
Calomel among the Pothecarys,-and
down went the poor sick folks. 1t warn't
the Doctors fault--for it was all OWN to
the printers, and little &C."
Now afore | trust you with other mat
ters III give you the printin ola story
I've got to tell, and you may stick as
many Els and Os and rs into it as you
please, and | don't care what you make
ont so long as folks take the mother ,oit
and barin ont. 1t is a story about
Uncle Sam," and some of his capers
among the women folks.
"Uncle Sam" you know, always was
q sociable kind of crittur, and from his
first commin into life, never could git a.
long well without havin his hull family
about him, all on'em givin him "a boost
up the tree" but, "Unce Sam" found,
as most folks do, afore they git gray
that unless he took wife to take care
of his buttons, and keep things slick'd up
about the house-he would git into trouble
and so forth. Well, after tryin various
plans and seen good deal of trouble
one way and another, he took advice
some 20 years ago, and got married to
smooth quiet Quaker lady, worth %
millions of dollars--and as Uncle Sam
was considerable liberal in his way, he
put into the family stock millions of
dollars; (not in the "rale grit" how
ever, but what he said then was just as
good as "grit,') SO together they had 35
millions, well, 35 millions was no trile,
and things went on smooth and slick for
nigh upon 20 years, and every body said,
at home & abroad, there never was hap.
pier couple. Uncle Sans wife did a wife
could do, & tho Uncle Sam would once
and while, s,ceH ups talk big, his wife
said nothin, but then kept stitchin up his
breeches when he'd split'em, and sew on
buttons when he twitch'd 'em off. But
by and by "Uncle Sam" got mixin up
with odd company, and among other
things,got knk in his head out of Fan
ny Wright's doctrines, that man ofso
much importance hadn't ought to stick to
one wife, but have as many as the great
Mogul 81 swow," says Uncle Sam
"Pm a good mind to try it," and so he
talk'd to other folks about it, and to rights
the gals got the notion too; and then
"Uncle Sam" got one Amos Kindle to
go round and round about, and see if the
gals would stand the racket, and he come
back, and says he, "Uncle Sam, there's
no mistake about it; the gals are al
ready, and more than you can shake {
stick ats" and sure enough, just then the
gals all havin got the notion set to, they
praised up Uncle Sam, and abused hi'
good oldquaker wife-O shocking there
is no tellin what they didn't say and a
mong other things they said, that Uncle
Sans wife was--*- -
Pshew ! you don't say so and -
marcy on us II Well, the mex
thing we see Of Uncle Sam was, he look
ed as fine as fiddie--ruffles round boil
eends of his shirt, and sich caparin a
he cut among his new wives for spell
never was seen afore-and sich frolics
and all his old cronies as busy as he wa
among 'em, till some folks begun to win
and whisper "that Uncle Sam was s.
liberal, he had wives enuf for himsel
and friends" Things went on thus 70
about three years, when Uncle Sam
began, (as most folks do, when they 81
too much of good thing) to smell an
feel trouble and jest then l got bac
from foreign parts, and met "Uncl
SAM" and if it had not been my ow
blood relation, and KNOWN him, and lov
in him, in any shape, as do my ow
father or mother. | never would hav
known him at all. Why" says l.
"Uncle Sam, is this youl" says |. +"
don't know, Major" but why do yo
ask-don't / look as natural as ever
says he. And there he stood-holdi
his breeches up with both hands, an
his elbows both torn out, and dirt