Iowa news. [volume] (Dubuque, Upper Mississippi Lead Mines, Wisconsin Territory) 1837-1841, 1837-08-19

SWEARING PLAcE.---It is very MYSTERIOUS to
us that so few of our fraternity appreciate the
value Of our patent sspreserrer Of an ed'for's
temper" It saves SO many personal altcrca-
tons, preserves so much harmony among the
corps and is of such essential advantage TO the
reading community that we cannot see how a
ny one can resist trying it. Some months a
go, when any of our opponents said aught a.
gainst US, we flew into passion Immediately,
we foamed at the mouth, and uttered all kinds
Of maledictions---we searched all our exchange
papers and every book in our reach to find old
wit that we might endorse and apply to our as
sailant. And, we must confess, we went to
work with all the malignity Of vampire, ra-
tier wishing to find faults than being sensible
of our duty to expose them---wc rather hoped
that our assailant was william than sought to
make him better. But since our invention we
are entirely new editor. Welook calmly up
on whilwinds and tempests, we are frightened
at no earthquakes, and tremble at no volcanic
eruptions, even though the lava fall smoking
At our feet. We are the same, morning, noon,
and night; tranquil, cool, and good natured,
without frown upon our brow. And, in fact,
we really do not know that we tell falsehood
when we say the more we are abused the bet
ter we like it. For it shows the value of our
name to posterity as the benefactor Of our race
and best purifier Of the press. It enables us
to laugh at our own calamities and mock when
our own fear cometh. The machinery is very
simple and the expense small. 1t consists ola
small iron building with pretty thick walls
and cask of water overhead, supported in an
upright position by a string fastened to tho
iron walls. Every night at 10 o'clock, we
take our wing exchan &c papers and retire thlttl-
or for sUearing. Editors who have no antipa-
thy to profane language, can go on BY day,
however. We there commence reading and,
ifany thing ofends US, s,cetring. No one can
pay any attention to us; the one we want to
injure cannot hear us. This enrages us still
more; our passion becomes more vehement;
we pound the walls with our fists; here comes
blood; sslife or death now! to arms! fight you
must! your life is in danger!M scoundrel, viii
liam, liar, poltroon, slave, brute, child of the
devil, fend Of hell, dare you insult me! inn
peachmy integrity! calumniate my whole par
ty1 Eat them words in your last paper or
swear by the Eternal to rid this world and your
party, too, of ono Of the d Curse that
..NASel!S Here ends the whole story. We
swear, stave around and beat the walls until
they become hot enough to burn tho string
and consequently let down the water which
cools us in moment. The door, which be-
fore was so much swollen that it could not be
opened, now becomes reduced, flies open and
away we clear to our office with one ofthe even
.est tempers and clearest minds in the country,
and satisfied with the vengeance we have To-
ken. We expect, every day, some one will
get up and pull our nose, but this can't move
as. Our patent keeps us anger proof. Try
1t, brother editors! TRY IT! Il will enable you
20 live with less trouble and die with less ene-
mica: Whilst you fight for your party, it keeps
You from getting killed yourself.
[CMcago Democrat.