Cheraw gazette. [volume] (Cheraw, S.C.) 1835-1838, 1837-06-14
ADVICE TO A YOUNG LADY AF-
TER HER MARRIAGE.

BY JUDGE HERTTEL, OF NEW YORK.
"iou are now married; and as is usual
Oh such occasions, your friends and ac-
quaintance will profess to wish YOU joy.
Many will do so as an act of common civ.
ilty, feeling little or nothing of the senti-
men, which the words import. When,
however, express Il solicitude for your
welfare, | think am entitled to the credit
of meaning something more than the per-
formance Of an empty ceremony. But,
when congratulating You, | know no better
way of proving the sincerity of my pro.
fessions, than by rendering you my advice
as to some of the means deem necessa.
ry to be pursued in order to render your
new situation matter of real fclicitalon.
'.Young people are very apt to think, if
they think at all on the subject, that when
they get married their cares are all scattered
to the winds, and that their happiness is Sc
cured for life. So far from the truth is
such thought, that, when reality awakens
then, from the dream ofuninterrupted bliss,
they find their sorrows certainly doubled,
and whether their joys are to be increased
or not, depends mostly on themselves; and
they will still find Causes enough TO inter
rupt their happiness, though each should
do their best to prevent or countcractthem.
One thing is certain, that the married state
may be made more happy than the single
life, or it may become a state of perfect
wretchedncss; and whether your present
situation is to be better than that YOU cX-
changed for it, depends much, or mostly
on yourself. 1t is therefore matter first
in order, as well as the first in importance
to you, that you should endcavor to ascer-
tain the means best calculated to secure a
continuance of that happiness which doubt
less you expected to experience in the
welded life. On this subject l will en-
deavor to assist you.
"That you were happy during the peri
cd spent in courtship, you will not deny
That you were so, arose from the con-
sciousncss that you loved and were belov.
ed in return; and from the pleasing hopes
or moral certainty you would attain the
object of your affections. The hope is
realized, and that you are happy now you
need no one to tell you. 1t is the rccipro.
Gated affections Of your husband which
make you happy-Itis yours which make
him so; hence, mutual affections constitute
the source ofconnubial bliss: and it is equal.
ly true that the infelicity Of the married
state follows the loss of those affections.
On the continuance of the affections, then,
no less than on the choice of husband,
depends your happiness in the welded life.
The means TO insure a continuance of those
affections is the subject next in course for
your consideration.
$50 numerous are the instances in which
married people have lost their affections
for each other, that the unrefecting have
hastily concluded that it is easier to ac.
quire than should be more assiduous to re.
tain the affections Of your husband, than
you we're to gain them. But it is not true
to the extent which many believe. 1t is
very unphilosophical to argue that like
causes will not produce like effects, or that
the effect will cease though the cause be
continued. The truth most probably is,
that, when the affections of married people
become extinct, it is owing to their neglec,
to continue the causes by which those at.
tections were first elected. What man in
his sense, he knew the disposition Of the
lady he addressed, would fall in love with
sobcrIsulky, brawling, ill-natured woman
1t is the opposite qualities which he sees,
or thinks he sees, in the lady of his choice,
of which he becomes enamoured. 1t is a
coun.enancc illumined with smiles, eyes
beaming with intelligence, mouth flowing
with sweetness and good nature-in short,
department indicative of modesty, mild
ness, and benignity, to which he pays the
homage of heart. If such were the caus.
ses, by which were quickened the tender
ness of the lover, rely on it that nothing
short ofthose will insure the affections otthe
husband; for whsn the causes subside, the
effects must necessarily cease, sld then
misery and wretchedness will become the
inmates ofy your household.
"More of the happiness Of married peo-
pie IS involved in their conduct during Che
first year, than in any succeeding period
O. the" ccHHrhiai asscciat;9n. Fh"rc a."