Litchfield enquirer., 1837-01-26

Eeacne0 us ln paper rom one ot the most remote states ofthe Union and now, at the request of sub scrber, give it publicity, believing that it may amuse others as much as it did us:-
 From the Ne,D- York Herald.
 GIVE US AN EMPEROR.
 Aye, every inch King. Lear.
 We learn from every quarter, by persons who have come to our office-and by let. ters and communications approving the l. dea. that the reasoas for csea,ing an Empe- TOT for Life at this election, are perfectly satisfactory. Tine qualifications of Martin Van Buren, he being mixture of dandy and devil in due perfectiohs, fully cn,nle him to be the first Casar-,he Augustus No. l, of the new empire of civilization dawning upon the new world. .
 This being the case, we must with equal care provide for creation of nobility Counts of the empire-peers of the realm -consuls, proconsuls, praetors, or what ever else their titles may be. All these are also for life.
 On looking over the lists of candidates of both parties, up comes to us beiore all others, smiling and Lowing, c. c. Cam breleng, at the head of the democratic ticket. What are his qualifications for patent of nobility under the new dynasty Ample. He has been merchant aud broke. One good reason. He turned pol- i,ician and drauk beer among tiie black guards at Tammany. Two-good. He has speculatcd in stocks, and won. Three good. He cornered Col. Webb the plebi- an in Mohawk. Four-excellent. He got 5000 from Nicholas Riddle to locate branch Bank in Buffalo aud paid it back in knocking up both Bank and Riddle. Five excellent again. Bu, enough-,hese are ample qualifications for patent, which we insist shall be entailed on his eldest son with collateral inheritance-andc con,ingen, remainder, descending in default to each in succession. a.....-
 Count Cambre1eug and Lord Chancel- Tor of,he Holy Roman Empire will there. fore sound excellent in the books of Her. aldry, aud on his door plate in Broadway and Pennsylva"ia AyeRYe Rg. ,,,.rs ,r,e ,oco foco. What can he show worth an election for life Mr. Moore, come forward and make speech. Nothing 10th, he comes. 1 have speculated in lots in Patterson-I made nearly as much as Van Buren in Oswego lo,s-l am an agtarian-l have the loco focos at my back-he can make speeches." Enoucll-soficient. Be thou l Count Moore of Patterson, and keeper of lhc Emperor's 'lag-rag and bob-tail.' also the recorder of his land speculations. But who is that very handsome young man that pushes along with few Irish loa- fsrs at his back, whom he keeps ;tI q very respectable distance too? Is he candidate for the pa,rician dignity? Certainly" 1" says Mr. McKeon. Lowing, "1 have been q courier. have irod measure. ] have Aat,ered lady; ] have been polite with nay friend, smooth with mine enemy; have "ndone three raitors; have had four quar- rcls and like So have fought one."
 The devil you hnve7 Quite enough.- Count ,McKeom. Your patent of nobility will be ready in few days. Itonly wants the confirmation of the Irish lOafcrs at the Five Points. You will be translated under the new dyRasiy in the Internal police. You can sing lo the girls-play on ,lIe piano to old maids-filI up cotillion, and occa- siohally waltz little, by way of change with the western steamboats.
 Ogden Hoffman is another candidate, SC, up by some one of tho numerous democrat ic parties. whose days are now nearly at ; close. His qualifications are Of yer, equivocal character. He never could learl to obey the word of command when 1t canis from the chief of the democratic party He had always the wickedncss to think fo himselE-and sometimes rhe ,audAeity To ac for himself. Such conduct is intoierabl. under any dynasty, but especially under th' new empire. where thought and action arc only allowed to be manufactured iron, iht raw material at Washington and Albany and thence distributed over tle whole coun. try. We never can have reposc with these restless, thinking, refecting. independent spirits. As Cesar said of Cassius, so we say of Ogden Hoffman.
 He thinks too much such men are dangerous. | He is great observer; and he looks
 Quite through the deeds of men
 In short, Ogden Hoffman wont do.- Take him away, and take away also James Monroe. He is also another of your inde- pendent men. He will draw his sword for the country, but he never would 6ght for the party. He also is unfit for patent oi nobility in the Imperial Court. Being a nephew of a former President, we do not know whether it would not be better to dis pose of him in another way. He is or may be a collateral line of the new Roman Em- pire, and thus brings up too many compe'i- tors hereafter. Give him tho hemlock- smother him-poison hin,-awsy with him.
 But we never shall get through the list of the new nobility-.he noble Pairieians.