Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1837-09-29
MAJOR DOWNING.


justice to the Majors last The most clar.
ing Of The errors committed. however-such
as -four days ago." for flour years ago
we presume would be Immediately noted bv
the reader as an error in print,-for the Ma
jor never makes mistakes as TO dates and
facts, (unless they be wilful ones) All we
can say about it is. If any future oversight
on our pan should draw from the Major as
good story by way OF episode, as is con-
tanned in the following letter, we shant re-
greet it.-N Y Express
Nigh tie Wreck of The Too PolIies. !
RocKAwAy, l. l. Sept 10. 1887.
To the Editors Of the N. Y. Daily Express:
| got one of your papers in which you
printed my last letter 10 Uncle SAM and
when readin ont. II was fortunate for YOU
that you was twenty miles off,-for never
did see SIGH 'lsrnal work as you made OF
some parts Of my letter Howsever, all
I've got to say about It is. il folks who read
my letters IN print, find any thing in 'em
that don't read smooth. and amt correct as
10 dates and facts, they may set il down agin
the printers. 1t was jest so once with
young Doctor, friend Of mine. in the Colare
times. He writ long letter once. about
how be cured folks by giving CalomeI.-he
" rii "Calomel in doses rerg n,innfe,n-and
The printers pot il in print. "Calomel in doses
erery minute" Up went Calomel among
the Pothecarys--and dorm srenf the poor
sick foIkA Il warn't The Doctors hnlt.-
for !, was all OWN to the printers. and lit
tie "en
Now afore trust you with other matters.
III give you heprintin OF a story I've got to
tell-and you may stick as many Els and
O's and Is into it as you please. and don't
care what you make ont so long as folks
take the mother iea and barin ont IL is
story abou, Uncle Sam" and some of his
capers among the women folks.
.'Uncle SAM" you know, always a So
! ciabie kind Of crittur, and from his first
comm into life. never could Gil along well
without hayin his hall family about him, all
on 'em givin him IA boost up the tree,"-
but. uncle Sam" found, as most folks do,
aiore they gil gray, that unless he took
wife to take care his buttons and keep things
slick'd up about house-he would git into
trouble and 50 forth. Well. after tryin va
rious plans and scein good deal OF trouble
one way and another. he took advice some
smooth quiet quaker Lady. worth twenty
eight millions Of doIlars.-and as Uncle
Sam was considerable liberal in his way, he
put into the family sock seven millions Of
dollars; tnot W the -raie grii.H howsever,
but what ks said hea was just as good as
grit and 50 together they had thiriy-five
millions. Well. ihity-6ve millions was no
trife, and things went on smooth and slick
for nigh twenty years, and every body said
at home and abroad. there never was a hap
pier couple. Uncle Sans wife did all wife
could DO, and tho Uncle Sam would once
and while, ssreH up. and talk big. his wife
said nothin, but kept stichin up his breeches
when he'd split 'em. and sew on buttons
when he'd twiich'd 'em off, Bun by and by
Uncle Sam" got mixin up with odd co.npa,
ny, and among other things. got kink in
bis head out Of Fanny virgins doctrines
that a nan Of so much Importance hadn't
ought TO stick to one wife, but have as many
as The great Mogul II swow," says Uncle
Sam, I'm good mind to try IL" and so
he talk'd TO other folks about il, and 10 rights
the gals got the notion too and then "Un-
Gle Sam" got one Amos Kindle 10 go round
and sound about. and see if the gals would
stand the racket-and he come back, and
says he. "Uucle Sam. there's no mistake
about il; The gals are all ready. and more
than you can shake stick at !" and sure
enough, just then the gals all havin got le
notion. SCI to.-they praised up "Uncle SAM"
aud abused his good old quaker wife--O
shocking there's no telIin what they didn't
say; and among other things they said.