Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1837-09-29
NO. a.

says ], Il want TO know ~ ats true"
says he, 'and you may see for yourseIL"--
And with that | look 'd--and sure enuf.
there never was man in SIGH pickle.
Well. says |. uncle SAM this comes
from folks givin you bad sdyice--or rather
by your not takin good advice. You for
get, says !. one faet.-and that is. tia, Il was
intended that your family matters should be
regulated on the plan OF every other well
regulated family-and that tho yours is the
General Government family. il was intended
to be regulated jest on the same plan as the
family Of the humblcst Of your masters"
-and there. says /, was the mother sif Of
the thing 10 the beginnin What mas
ters2 says be, spnnkin up and tryin to
swell-(but takin care 20 hold on to his
reechcs)-"who are my 'masters2'" saws
he-"Your mastersT says why The
people and | am one on EN- Uncle Sam
and il you had stuck to the rule they
made for the regulating Of your family.
you would not now be in your present con-
dilion"
Now" says I-"Uncle Sam-lhere is
but one way that can see for you to take
and that is for you to call al your young
women about you and tell EN- that YOU cant
have but one wife-and they must git hus-
bands each in their own State Here I'm
Gle Sam shook his head and look'd consid-
cradle sad-"I am afraid Major says he.
IFS too late--ii was an easy Job to Gil rid Of
one rife but TO gin rid Of SO many ali al
once. am afraid | shall git spankd d. red
las cherry -Never mind that" SAYS /.
you'll git no more than you deserve If you
do, folks that dance must pay the fiddler
says |, Uncle Sam" "Bui." says he, mia
jor must diroree them all ?" mo-" says
l, there is no diroyee in the matter, you
can't do that unless you can prove Grim.
con; that's the Law" says l. well,
can" says he. Il can prove that the Post
Office the Land Office, and Amos --"
Hush" says l, Uncle Sam. don't talk so.
for it is an old story in all countries. that
man who has more than one wife, is a big
ger fool than his friends. and has more
friends than buttons Now don't say any
thing more about it, You have got in
scrape, and the best way is to git out ont
You'll find that your young wives will be
as glad to git rid of you. as you will be TO
git rid Of them But you mustn't talk of d.
roree. or they'll bring you 10 the proof and
show that you first came eourtin. And by
anS utne you pfovc gum on 6uy on cll,
they'll git you on the hip and keep you
there too" says 1; Now look a, your
|courtin. and compare it with what Il was
It's sad change" says |. Uncle Sam.
ain't il howsever.n says |. my old friend
you have had q rare frolic. and this is the
eend on't-and pretty much the eend Of all
frolics, Now" says |. I'VE must 60 and
see what can be done with the old Wife
I'll be bound" says /. "she is as sound as
ever she was. and not the worse Tor having
taken shelter in her old native State Of
Pennsylvany. I'll GO on frst,n says l,
Uncle Sam, and tell her 10 git her buttons
ands Gap ready for and i'll don't miss my
guess. you will in few weeks look as cherk
agin as boy; and as she is good naturd
critiur and likes TO see all happy about her.
she will do all she can to provide for the
young women you have been galavantin
with of late for she thinks yon more 10 blame
Than they be-" And then" says |. Uncle
Sam, when all gifts slick'd up, and yon git
all your buttons sew'd on. you will have a
spare hand always ready to welcome afriend
or knock down an enemy. At present.
says |, Uncle Sam, you are .hum-bug'd;"s
And with that Uncle Sam he twitchd up
his breeches, and spunk'd up considerable.
and we moved on together"
I'll tell the balance OF this story at anoth-
er time. Your Friend.
J. DOWNING. Major.
Downingville Militia. ed Brigade.