Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-04-26

Of those who were admiring its beautiful as
pirations. My days, like my cheeks, after
being steamed, were in the yellow leaf
and the roses Of my morning prime were
all withcrcd and blighted by the ruthless
spoiler of my reputation. But as long as
steam came from no: water, had determin.
ed never to desert my favori;e profession,
and in compliance with the opportunities of
some Of my few remaining friends, open.
ep a hospital on odoriferous alley, and soil
cited the patronage of all who were hostile
to chartered medical monopolies.' | head
ed my advertisement, when gratuitous please
circulate and sent some of them with long
certificates ofcure, &c. to Congress, which
the members read for abolition petitions!
This mistake was caused by the following
certificate among the lot:
Or. STEAMNATIoN-
SIR: certify that have taken three bot
ties Of your Compound aherative anti-slare-
rybtters,' and although owned many slaves
before taking the btters, when had taken
the third bottle, all the slaves had left my
premises but one, and on taking the fourth
bottle the last Niger left also. Yours &c.
Il. USE.EM-UP, Abolition Place.
N. B. Send me another bottle the first
chance, as may have relapse
Well, after had prepared my elixirs, and
medicines, and arranged my office again
for the reception of customers, sat down
to devise I'm expedient for OBTAINING those
who would make good subjects for dissec-
ton. My wonderful invention was SO rap
id and decisive, that in less than an hour,
had cut dead.fall trap.door through the
floor into the cellar, placed my disease c.
vaparator' over it, and had it all ready to re-
ceive patients and corporate disease. The
steam cadron was placed on the trap.door,
with slide so constructed with springs as
to let man through the bottom so quick as
to prevent any Of the water from running
out. | suspended sack over the caldron
to contain the patient, and then looked
upon the machine and pronounced 1t capt.
tally executed, as knew it would execute
capitally.
In few moments | heard loud knock
at my office door, which instantly opened,
and Immediately recognized the person as
one of my old patients, Mr.. Shopers, accom-
panied by his eldest daughter Juliet. AS
soon as they came in the office, fell upon
my knees before the fairy, sylph like form
of the lovely Juliet, (who had once rejected
the offer of my heart and handy and ex-
claimed in the desperation Of despair half
frightened into hope, my dear Juliet! |
bow to the supremacy of thy immaculate
charms, and the startling splendor ofthy un.
sullied beauty in passionate alteration; and
obsequiously immediate my heart before the
enchanted shrine of thy surprising lowell
ness. The captivating fascination OF thy
unchanging affection can alone light the
cherries pathway of my existence, with
the radiance of hope and happiness and
my bosom beats only for thee. Art thou
mine, and mine only IL pause for reply
'Can'st thou cure my father 2 said the
heroine of my heart. Certainly can G..
caporate all his diseases, however obstinate
they may be, if he will submit to my mode
of treatment replied vauntingly. Then
my heart and hand is thine said the blush.
ing girl, with a voice as sweet and musical
as the sound of steam issuing from the cracks
in my caldron. Mr.. Showers said that my
negotiations with his daughter should be
confirmed by him, if | consummated the
pledge to effect his cure, which confident
ly assured him could do by the aid of my
'evaporator.-Iput Mr.. Showers in the bag,
fully determined to send him on trip to
Haides through the trap door, as knew
could not eraporate the disease, without e.
| vaporating him of the same time.-While
the steam was Kissing and tuning around
the sack, and had entirely surrounded and
concealed it from view, touched the spring,
and down, down, went Mr.. Showers to his
place of perdition, without sigh, groan OF
struggle 1.-THE fatal deed was done so noise.
lessly, that Juliet supposed her father was
yet steaming away in the sack, which | soon
removed, and found no vestige ofMr. Show
ers remaining, except his hat, which was
floating on the surface of the water. is
the disease evaporated' inquired Juliet
YES | replied, 'and what's better yet, the
old man himself has evaporated, and am
sure the disease is Frustrated, as the cause
has vanished Juliet who was an artless,un.
suspectng creature, wished to know if i
was necessary to annihiate the cause, TO G.
radcate the disease itself. informed hel
that treated all such inveterate diseases
upon the principle Of counter irritation, ant
that in the case of her father, the irritation
of the disease and the irritation of the steam
being precisely the same, the two irritation'
united and passed off in steam as an inevita
bic consequence.
The next day the marriage of'Dr. Steam
nation to Miss Juliet Showers, was formally
announced, and in another column of thu
same print the following startling paragraph
met my eye:
J 'Mr. E. Showers is missing, and is suppos
ed TO have been assassinated and murdered
J He was last seen entering DR.. Steamna
tons inirmary, and has not been hcar
from SINCE
This notice was sufficient TO insinudt
suspicion in the minds Of every one, and
afterwards learned, was published at the in
stance of Mr.. Showers'son, who had violent
ly opposed my marriage with his sister, AM
often limited that had murdered his father
A large company were invited, and expect
ed at our wedding, but none came. l wa
suspected of the horrid crime! We wer
married alone, and when the minister ha
left US
we felt like those who tread alone,
Some banquet hall deserted,
Whose lights are fed and garlands dead,
And all but they dcparted.'