Maumee express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1837-1838, 1837-09-30

Z" am sorry, Major says he, al can't
shake hands with you jest now--my
hands are busy" says he. What" says
|, holdn the money aye, Uncle Sam
both hands full, as usual" says /. "Not
exactly, Major" says he; and with that
he cum up close to me, and whispered
in my ear, 6 am in bad box Major"
says he, " have got so many wives, |
amt got button left for my suspenders,
they are all off" "Do tell now," says
|, al want to know !! p ats true,"
says he, and you may see fur your
SELF" And with that look'd--and sure
enuf there never was "a man IN sch
pickle.
Well, says l., Uncle SAM" this comes
from folks givin you bad advice-or
rather by your not takin good advice
You forget, says /, one fact, and that is
that it was intended that your family
matters should be regulated on the same
plan Of every other well regulated fami-
ly-and that tho yours is the General
Government family, it was intended to
be regulated jest on the same plan as the
family of the humblest Of your mas
ters," and there, says |, was the mother
wit of the thing in the beginnin." What
masters?" says he, spunkin up and try
in to swell-but takin care to hold on
to his breeches)--" who are my mas
ters 2" saws he, "Your masters!" SAYS l.,
Why "the People," and am one on
'em Uncle Sam--and if you had stuck
to the rule they made for the regelatin
of your family, you would not now be in
your present condition"
"Now" says L." Uncle Sam, there
is but one way that | can see for you
to take---and that is for you to call
all your young women about you
and tell 'em that you can't have but one
wife-and they must git husbands each
in their own States" Here, Uncle Sam
shook his head, aud look'd considerable
sad" | am afraid, Major" says he, its
too latc-it was an easy job to git rid Of
one wife, bat to git rid of so many all
at once, am afraid shall git spank'd as
red as a cherry" "Never mind that,
says |, "you'Il git no more than you de.
sarve, if you do, folks that dance must
pay the fiddler" says |, Uncle Sam
" But says he, "Major &" must diuorce
them ALI" "No," says |, "there is nc
divorce in the matter, you can't do thai
unless you can prove Grim. con-. that's
the Law" says |. swell, I can," says
he. Il can prove that the Post Office
the Land Office and Amos -" hush
says /, "Uncle Sam, don't talk so, fol
it is an old story in all countries, that g
man who has more than one wife, is g
bigger fool than his friends; and has
, more fiends than buttons. Now don
say any thing more about it. You have
got in scrape, and the best way is tc
git out ont You'll find that your young
J wives will be as glad to git rid of you
as you will be to git rid Of them. Blu
you mustn't talk Of dirorce, or they'll
bring you to the proof, and show tina
you first came courtin. And by thu
, time you prove guilt on any 'on EN-
, they'll git you son the hip" and keel
, you there too" says i; "Now look a
your courtin, and compare it with wha
it was-it's sad change" says l.
t " Uncle Sam, ant it--however," says
!, "my old friend you have had rare fro
lie, and this is the eend ou't--and pritt,
much the eend of all frolics.' "Now,
, says we must 60 and see what can b.
, done with the old Wife--Pll be bound,
t says !, "she is as sound as ever she was
and not worse for having taken shete
, in her old native State of Pennsylvany
$ I'll 90 on first" says |, "Uncle Sam, an
: tell her to git her buttons and sope read
, for you, & if don't miss my guess, yo
e will in few weeks look as cherk agi
e as boy and as she is good natur'
S critur, and likes to see all happy abou
i her, she will do all she can to provid
a for the young women YOU have been ga
e avantin with of late, for she thinks go
y more. to blame they be-" "And then,
s says "Uncle Sam, when all gifts slick
e up, andyou git all your buttons sew
: on, you will have spare hand Away
e ready to welcome a friend or knoc
: down an enemy. "At present" says
IS +" Uncle Sam, you're humbug'd;"* An
t with that, Uncle Sam, he twitched u
: his breeches, and spunk'd up consider
b able, and we moved on together"
S I'll tell you the balance of this stor
|. another time. Your Friend,
i J. DOWNING, Majo
IS Downingville Militia, I'd Brig.