The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1837-10-03


ear, Il am in bad boo, Major, says hc 4 have
got so many wives, l aint got button lett for my
suspenders-they are all off, Do tell, now, Il
want to know!!! It's true,' says no, and you
may see for your SELF And with that loolt'd
and sure enuf, there never was man in sIch
pickle.
'Well,' says |, uncle Sam, this comes from
folks givn you bad advice, or rather from your
not takn good advice. You forget says i, 'one
fact-and that is, that it was intended that your
family lmatters should be regulated on the same
plan of every other well regulated fhmily-and
that though yours is the General Government fam
lily, it was intended to be regulated jest on the
same plan MS the family of the humblest of your
naSterS-and there says /, 'was the mother ,cit
of the thing in the beginnin.
what masters Q says ne, spunkin up and Iyin
to swell, (bu takn care to hold on to his breeches)
"Who are my masters g says he.
Your masters p says |, why, The peopLe-and
| am one OH 'em, Uncle Sam--and if you had
stuck to the rule they made for the regulating OF
your family, you would not now be in your pres
ent condition.
Now says I, Uncle Sam-there is but one
way, that can see, FOR you to take-and that is,
for you to call all your young women about you
and tell 'em that you can't have but one wife
and they must git husbands ench in their own
States Here Uncle Sam shook his head and
lookd considerable sad-'I am afraid, Major
says he, Sits too Iate-it was an easy job TO git
rid of one a0ve, but to git rid of so many all at
once, am afraid l shall git spanked as red as a
cherry Never mind that says !, you'll git
no more than you desarve if you DO, folks that
dance must pay the fiddler says I, Uncle Sam
Butt says he, Major, must diuorce them all p
No., there is no divorce in the matter; you can't
do that unless you can prove Grim. con-; that's
the law, says /. well, can,' says he, l can
prove that the Post Office, the Land Office, and
Amos - Hush says /, Uncle Sam, don't
tn for ia m nil ppu hnt
man who has more than one wife, is bigger
fool than his friends and has more friends than
buttons Now don't say anything more about it.
You have got in scrape, and the best way is to
get out ont. You'll find that your young wives
will be as glad to git rid of you, you will be
to git rid of them. But you mustn't talk of d.
vorce, or they'll bring you to the proof and show
that you first came a courtin. And by the time
you prove guilt on any on 'em, they'll git you on
the hip, and keep you there too says I "Now
look at your courlin, and compare it with what
it was-it's a sad change )" says |, 'Uncle Sam,
amt it (? however,, says j 'my old friend, you
have had rare frolic, and this is the eend ont,
and pretty much the eend of all frolics. Now,
says l, I'VE must 60 and see what can be done
with the old wife: I'll be bound says |, SHE is
as sound as ever she was, and not the worse for
having taken shelter in her old native State of
Pennsylvany. Ill go on first, says I, 'Uncle
Sam, and tell her TO git her buttons and sope ready
for you, and if l don't miss my guess, you will
in few weeks look as chiry agin as boy-and
as she is good naturd critur and likes to see all
happy about her, she will do all she can to pro-
vide for the yong women you have been galava-
mum with of late, for she thinks you more to
blame than they be. And then, says I, Uncle
Sam, when all gifts sckd up, and you git all
your buttons sew'd on, you will have spare hand
always ready to welcome friend or knock down
an enemy. Atpresent, says ], Uncle Sam, you
are hum bug -d.'-And with that he witch d up
his breeches, and spunt'd up considerable, and
we moved on together I'll tell the balance Of
this story another time
Your Friend.
J. DOWNING, Major,
DowningvIe Militia, I'd Brigade