Herald of the times. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1830-1846, 1837-11-30
DOwninsiana.
MAJOR DOWNING-No. 5.

IL The Editors of The ". Daily ErPress-
! 60, one Of your papers in which you
printed my last letter TO Uncle Sam"
and when rcadin ONT II was Inrnat" f~.
! you that you was 90 miles of, for !
! never did see slch 'tarnnl work as YOU
made oI some parts olny i,tlrr. IIuws-
ever, all I've got TO say about ii L.. if
folks who read my letters IN print, find
any thing IN 'em that don't read -n,'",h,
and aIn't correct as 10 dai' and facts,
they may SGT it down asin the rrinie,s.
Ii was jesi so once with n Young Doctor,
n friend OF mine, in the .'Olare tunes -
lie Wi, a long Iclicr once, abou, how
he cured folks 10y giving Cal"mel, lie
wit "Cal"mel IN doses r,'y minute"
and the printers pat it III print "Cnl"mcl
in doses eroy minute Up went Gallo
~" among The P"ihrcniys-- and doTn
wcM the poor sick loIAs. 1t warn't the
Doctors iaui - for it,w rs al, ov in Ia ilu
printers, and n !iulc sc
( Now nc.rc trust yon with other NAT
tris, III give ou the prIniin Of sl"iN
lvc got to tell - and YOU may stick az
many Us and O's and rs into it as you
please, aud don't care What y"u make
on'i 81 long rs fnlks take the moiher TH
ana brain ONT. 1t is II story ab"ut La-
Gle Sam" and some Of his capcrs among
the women folks.
"Cncle SAM you know, always was
n socioJie kind Of cr,ttur, aud Gom his
first coniE into lie, never could gii along
well without ha,n his huii family about
him, aIi OH EN- givin him "A boost up the
irec,"-but, "l'ncie Sam" found, ns
most folks do, atorr they git gray, thaf
unless he took Il wil- Ia take care Of his
buttons aud keep things >lick'd up about
house he would gu ,ni" t."uhie and s~
forth. Wen, alter rl, in ,a,iuus plans
and srcin "A good deal "i trouble one way
and another, he took advice some iwcn-
y years ago,and got married to a smooth
que, qua er Lady, worth 28 millions Of
dullars--aud as Uncle Sam was consid-
cradle liberal il, his way, he pui into the
family stock millions of dollars; mot
in the "r0te grit" however, b,t hat ke
sad MCn was just as good as "g,it,")
aud So together they had 80 nIlions.-
We'll 50 millions was no tiife and things
went on smooth aud sick ioi nigh upon
20 years, aid every body snid, at homa
and abroad, there never was happier
couple. Uncle Sans wife dr all wife
could do, and ,ho' tncl, Sam would
once aud while, swell up aud talk big,
his lie SAID n"hlh, but kept siiit bin up
his brecches when he'd slit 'cm, and SOW
on buttons when he twitch'd em off
But by and by "UncIe Sam" got mixin
up with odd company, and among other
things, got a kInk INTO his head out Of
Fanny Wriphts doctrines, that u man Of
SO much Importance hadn't ought to stick
to one wife, hut have as many as the
great .Nog,'. 81 swow," says Uncls
Sam, i'm good mind to try IT," and
so he iak'd to ether folks about it, and
to rights the gals got notion too; and
then "uncle Sam" go, one Amos Kin
die to go round Hnd sound about, and see
II The gals would stand the racket. t.-and
he come back, ard says he, "UncL
Sam, there's no mistake about IL; the
gals are all ready, and more than yon
can shake stick at;"-and sure enough,
just then the gals ali havin got the no,iop
set io,-they praised up "Uncle Sam,"
and abused his good old quaker wife-O
sh"ckn ! there's no tellin what they
didn't say; and among ether things the,
said that "tncle Sans" wife was -~
-s- Pshew !! you don't say SO :,
and = marcy on us Wen,
the next thing we see OF Uncle Sam, was,
he look'd Us fine rs n 6ddIc--ruffles
round both cends Of his shirt, and sich n
capcrin ~ he cot among his new wives
for Il spell, never was seen a(ore--a and
sich irolics /! and all his old cropies as
busy as he was among 'em, ill some
folks begun 10 wink and whisper that
Uncle Sam ros so liberal he had elves
enuf for himself XMd friends" Things
went on thus for about three yeas, when
'Cncle Sam" Legsn (ns most folks do,
when they git too much Of . good thing)
to smell and fee, trouble; and jest then
! so back from foreign parts, end I met
"Cncle SAM" and il il had not been for
his hein my own blood rrktios aud knsw-
in him and lovin him, in any shape, as I
do my own father or mother, ] never
would have Know him at alI. "Wby,"
says !, Uncle Sam, is this youw says
!. 81 don't know, Major" saysh "bus
why do you ask don't ] look ne nntrsl
as ever" says he. And there he s'ood
--holdin his breechcs up with both hsrds,
and his elbows both torn out, and dirty
sl'tt sleeve pecpin through. and holes i.
his siockins, aud hs sk,os all j,iosie,ed
over. Way says "Uncls Sam,