Litchfield enquirer., 1837-09-28
MAJOR. DOWNLNG'S LETTERS. Mn
Nigl the Wreck ofthe TsOO POllies, !
RocKAwAY, L. l., Sept. l6, 1857. ]

RocKAwAY, l.. l., Sept. 10, looI.
 ID ths Editors ofthe Nesc- York pasly EEPrsss;
 got one of your papers in which you print
 ed my last letter to @sUncle Sam," and when
 readin ont it was fortunate for you that you
 was 20 miles off-for I never did see such
 'tarnal work as you made of some parts of
 my letter. Howsever,r ,rall I've got to say about it is, if folks who read my letters in
 print, find any thing in lem that don't read smooth, and ainft correct as to dates and facts, they may set it down agin the printers. It was jest so once with young Doctor, a friend of mine, in the Coldre times. He writ a long letter once, about how he cured folks by giving CalomeEhe writ !" Calomel in do- ses pery gsinute'' '--and the printers put it in print Y Calomel. in doses euery minute" UP
 went Calomel among the Pothecarys-an
 dosOn went the poor sick folks. It warn't the Doctors fault-for it was all owin to the
 printers and little"e." .....
 . Now afore Itrust you with other matters
 INEgivel you the printin, of story I've got 10
 tell-a and you may stick as many Els and O's
 and Is into it as you please, ana don't care
 what you make ont so long as folks take the
 naotlter aOn and barin ont It is story about
 Uncle Sons," and some of his capers among
 the women folks. l,el..
 5d" Uncle Sam" you know, always was s0-
 cia6ze kind of crittur, and from his first com
 in into life, never could git along well without
 havin his hull family about him, all on lem giyin him Ca boost up the tree"--but, Un- Gle Sam" found, as most folks do, afore they git gray, that unless he took wife to take care of his buttons and keep things slick'd up about house-he would git into trouble and so forth. Well, after tryin various plans and seein a good deal oftrouble one way and another, he took advice some twenty years
 ago, and got married to smooth quiet qua-
 ker Lady, worth 28 millions of dollars-and as Uncle Sam was considerable liberal in his way he put into the family stock millions of dollars i; (not in the "r rdle grit" howseyer, but what he said then~was just as good as "grit,' D and so together they had 35 millions. We'll, S5 millions was no trifie, and things went on smooth and slick for nigh upon 20 years, and every body said at home and abroad, there never was happier couple.- Uncle Sam's wife did all wife could do,
 and tho Uncle Sam would once and while,
 ssceH up and talk big, his wife said nothin,
 but kept stichin up his brooches when he'd split em,and sew on buttons when he twitch'd lem off. But by and by Uncle Sam" got mixin up with odd company, and among other things, got kink in his head out of Fanny Wright's doctrines that man of so much importance hadn't ought 10 stick to one wife, but have as many as the great Mogul. 7" swow,0 says Uncle Sam, Pm good mind to try it ;'' and so he talk'd to other folks about it, and to rights the gals got the Amos Kindle to go round and sound about, l and see fthe gals would stand the racket and he come back, and says he, Uncle Sam, there's no mistake about it; the gals are all ready, and more than you can shake stick at t;''-and sure enough, just then the gals all havin got the notion, set to-they praised up l :" Uncle Sam," and abused his good old qua lker wife-O shocking there's no tellin what they didn't say; and among other things they said, that !" Uncle Sam's" Wife vas :, -- n - Pshew!! you don't say so! and ------- marcy on us!!! We'll, the next thing we see of Uncle Sam was, he look'd as fine as a fiddle-ruffles round both eends of his shirt, and sich caperin as he cut among his new wives for spell, never was seen afore--and sich frolics !! and all his old cronies as busy as he was among lem, till some folks begun to wink and whisper 1" that Uncle Sam pas so liberal he had wives enpf flor himself and friends.'" Things went on thus for about three years, when
 Uncle Sam" began Gas most folks do, when
 they git too much of a good thing) to smell and feel trouble; and jest then got back from foreign parts, and met l" Uncle Sam," &s if 1t had not ben for his bein my own blood relation and knowin him & lovin him, in any shape, as do my own father or mother, Iney- CT would have known him at all. "Why," says l, Uncle Sam, is this you 2" says r. " don't know, Maior," says he i; but why do you ask-don't look as natral as ever !'' says he. And there he stood-holdin his brooches up with both hands, and his elbows /. both torn out and dirty shirt sleeve peepin through, and holes in his stockins, and his shins all Plastered over. H Why" says I, .Un- cle Sam, what on airth ails you Come.'
 says l, "give me your hand my old friend. and let us talk it all over together" "I am sorry, Major" says he, can't shake hands with you jest now-my hands are busy" says he. What" says I, holdin the mo- ney aye, Uncle Sam-both hands full, as usu- al,p says l.. Not exactly, Major," says he; and with that he cum up close to me, and whispered in my ear, !" l am in a bad box < Major" says he, [. I have got so many wives. 1pin't got a button left for my suspenders- tliey are all off" a Do tell now,'' says 1. "I want to know "" !" It's true" says he. "and you may see for yourself" And with that Ilook'd-an sure eniif; there never was q man in sich pickle. latNVell, says I, :. Uncle San," this comes from folks givin you bad advice-or rather by your not takin good advice. You forget, says l, one fact-and that is, that it, was in- tended that your family matters should be regulated on the same plan of every other well regulated family -and that tho yours is the General Gores1s'nena family, it was intend ed to be regelated jest on the same plan as the family ofthe humblest of !" your nsas.ers'' '--and there, says !, was the moiher r,cis of the thing in the beginnin." What "masters r, says he, spppkin up and tryin to swell--(but .taakln care to hold on to his breeches) --a who gre my my masters !" says he---". Your mas