Maumee express. [volume] (Maumee City, Ohio) 1837-1838, 1837-03-25
VARIETY.

iCttCio III tilC- AfuShSh iuuS uuSCe WflCl
excite more pleasing and interesting as.
sociations in the mind Of man, than the
word wife 1t presents to the minds
eye a cheerful companion, a disinterested
adviser, nurse in sickness, comforter
in misfortune, and an ever affectionate
companion. II conjures up the image Of
a lovely, con6ding woman, who cheer
fully undertakes TO contribute to your
happines, to partake with you the cup,
whether of veal or woe, which destiny
may offer. The word wife is synony-
nous with the greatest earthly blessing
and we pity the unfortunate wight who
is compelled, by fate's severe decree, to
trudge along through life's dull pilgrim
age without one.
WoMAN.-Alas this appellation for
the female sex is becoming obsolete.
Yet such is the case. All are now la
dies or females, and the line of ofdistinction
is thus singularly drawn-A lady is
known by the richness Of her dress and
the fashion of its cut, and whether Vi
cious or an idiot, that dress is certain to
command the respect and Difference due
ladies', while modest worth and virtue,
if clad in humble garb, though ever so
proper and becoming, are certain of the
cold look which says their wearers are
only females.
ANGLING Any ting pite you dare 2
inquired one Dutchman of another, en-
gagged in angling.
mo, Hans
well, nottin pite me, too
DEFlNIrIoNs.-High respectability-
High houses, high-heeled boots, and high
living.
Smile-A twist of the mouth--a mere
business transaction.
Frown-The currentcoin with which
dandy pays his tailors bill.
Actiue Piety-Persecuting in6dels and
heretics.
ReHgious--Rich enough to own a
pew in some church.
Contentment-Want ofenergy.
Coward-~-A man who forgives his
enemies.
Rigid Honesty-Exacting the utter
most larthing from a poor debtor.
The following is next thing to evi-
dence concerning the stone as big as
piece of chalk
Were you travelling on the night this
affair took place.
Il should say was, sir
'What kind of weather was it p
4 should say it was pretty considera-
bic kind Of Weather,',
WAS it raining at the time Y
1T was so dark / couldn't see It rain
ing; but | felt it dropping though
How dark was itP
Il had no way Of telling--but it was
not light by jug full
Can't you compare it TO somethingp
'Yes,if if was going to compage,it 10
any thing, should say it was aboutAs
dark as stack OF black cats 7
Scene IN SCHOOL What
studies do you intend to pursue, said an
erudite pedagogue, one day as a Jonny
Raw entered his school room. why,
| shall study read, | suppose, wouldn't
yer yes, but you will not want to read
all the time: are you acquaited with
6gures? It's pity if ! amt, when
Eve cyphcred clean through adoption.'
/ Adoption what rule is thatp why,
its the double rule of two; you know
that twice two is four; and according
to adoption, twice fur is t,oo.' You may
take your seat. You may take yourn,
too, said the pupil, for its poor rule
that wont work both ways.
A gentleman in Pawtucket advertises
for a servant of middle sized character,
large hands, and small appetite. This
gentleman is supposed to be near rela-
ton Of the lady who keepsa boarding
house in Mobile. and advertises for few
young men boarders of moderate appe-
tite, and not over particular. We ex.
pect to see the time when certificate
Of appetite from our last hotel will be
requisite to insure reasonable contract
for months board. Verify, the high
price Of provisions is bringing things to
a pretty pass.
AS 1T SHOULD BE.--A smart editor
down east has hit upon an excellent
plan for the disbursement of the surplus
fund. He advised that it should be
equally distributed among the newspaper
printers In the United Statesl He is a
noble fellow, we'll take ours in"Yellow
Jackets"