Staunton spectator, and general advertiser. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 183?-1849, 1837-10-05
From fhe NsU York. Daily Express.
MAJOR DOWNING.

We regret 10 notice that our types did in
Justice TO the Majors last. The most giar-
ing oil The errors committed, however-such !
as 'iour days ago." for "four wears ago.
we presume would be Immediately noted by |
The reader az an error in print, for the Ma I
Jor new r makes mistakes as To dates and facts,
unless they he wiiful ones All wecan say
about 1t is, II ANY future oversight on cur
part should draw from the Major as good
story, 10y way Of episode, as is contained in
the follow ing letter, we shan't regret it.
Nigh the wreck OF the Two PulIie., }
kockAwAY, l.. L., Sept. l6, 1897.
10 tae Editors Of the Ne,o Fork Express
got one Of your papers in which you
printed my last letter to "Uncls Sam. and
when readin ont it was fortunate for Won Ina,
you was twenty miles of,-for never did
see SIGH ''arnai work as yeu made IF sumo
pattso OF nay letter. Howsever, all I've poi
To say about il is, il folks who read nv let.
ters IN print, find any thing in 'em tina,
don't read smooth, and amt correct an to
dates and facts, they may gel il down agin the
printers. u was jest SO once " it'll Young
Doctor, friend OF mine lin the Coiare times
lie writ long letter once, about how he
cured cured folks by giving Calsmel, he writ
Calomei IN doses Ueru minute,"-and the
printers put il in print "Calumel in doses
erery minute" Up went CaIomel among the
fothecarys-and dotcn ,cent the poor sick
folks. Ii warn, the Doctors for i,
was all OWN to the printers, and litile"c."
NOW aiors trust you with other matters.
III give you the printin of story I've got
10 'e'i,-nnd you may stick as many E's and
VS. and is into IT as you please, and | don't
care what you make en't SO long as foks take
the mother Uit and brain ont. II is a story
] Sry,
among the women folks.
Cncie Sam" you know always was So
ciaofe Kind OF criitur, and from his first COM
IN into life, never, could git along " ell " i,hs
eut havia his hull family about him. all en-
em givin him a "boost up The tree, :" but.
Uncle Sam" found as most folks do. afore
they git gray, that unless he took wife 10
lake care OF his buttons and keep things
SICK a up about house-he would cit into
trouble and so forth. We'll after tryn vari-
| Gus plans and seein a good deal oftrouble one
way and another, he took advice some TWEEN.
ty years ago, and got married 10 smooth
quiet quaker Lady, worth % millions Of dol
iars,-and as Uncle Sam was considerable
lioeraf IN has way, he put into family stock 7
! mliiions of dollars; not in the "reai grit :"
hewsever, but what he said then W as lust "a
good as ''grit,") and SC together thew had
so millions. Well 35 millions was no fri.
Nc, and things went on smooth and slick for
nigh twenty years, and every body said, at
Nome and abroad, there never was happier
couple. Uncle Sans vile did all life
could do, and tho Uncle Sam would once
ana while, soeH mp and talk big, his wife
SAID noihin, but Kept stitchen up his breech-
es when he'd split 'em, and sew ON buttons
when he twitch'd 'em off. But by and by
Uncle Sam" got miXin up " ilh odd com
pany, and among other things, got kink in
his head out Of Fanny Wright's doctrines.
that man Of SO much Importance hadn Z
ought 10 stick to one wife, but have as many
as the great MoguI. 81 swuw saws Uncle
Sam, Pm good mind TO try it !" and so
he LAX u TO other folks about il, and 10 rights
mo gals got the notion to and then "Uncle
Sam got one Amos h indie 10 90 round and
sound about, and see if the gals would stand
The racket,-and he come back, and saws he
Uncle Sam, there's no mistake about il
me gals are ell ready, and more than you can
snake stick at and sure enough Just
then the gals all havin got the notion, SET TO,
they praised up "Unc!e Sam" aud ahus,
ed his good old quaker wife-o shock inc !,
there's no ieliin " hat they didn't say and
tmong other things they said. that "Uncie
Sams wife was --s---s
rsbaw you don't say SO and--*
- marcy on US -! Well, the next
| thing we see Of Uncle Sam was, he look d az
line as iddle-ruffles round both eends of
his shirt, and such caparin as he cut amonp
his new wives for a spell, never was seen ~
iors-and SIGH frolics and all his old GRO
mes as busy as he was among EN-, till some
ioiks begun 10 wink and whisper 'that I'm
| Gle Sam tnGS so liberal he had wives enut
| Tor himself and friends. Thingswent on
thus Tor about three years, when "UncIe
Sam began Gas most folks do, when thew
GIT too much OF good ihing) to smell and
ieei trouble and jest then ! got back from
iere,gn parts, and | met "Uncle Sam" and
II II bad not been for his bsin my own blood
relation and know 10 him and levin him, in a.
ny shape, as ! do my own father or mother.
i never would have known him at all
= Why" says "Uncle Sam, is this you?"
saysI. 81 don't know, Major" saws he
"but why do you ask-don'tl lock az natrsl
as ever?" says he. And there he stood
holdin bis brescbes up with both hands. and
has elbows both torn out and dirty shirt
sleeve peepiD through, and holes in bis s.oc.
kins, and his shins all plastered over.
Why says l., "Uncle Sam, what on air tb
ahs you! Come" says /, "giye me your
hand my old friend, and let us talk il all o.
yer together" 81 am sorry, M aior, ;" saws
he, 81 can't shake hands with you ies, now
my hands arc busy" says he. "What,"
sayss J., "heIdin the money aye UncIs Sam,
both bands iull as usuaI," ssys l. "Not
exactly, Major" says he and with that he
cum up close 10 me, and whispered in my
ear, II am in sbsd box Major, :" says he,
~ have got so many wives, amt got but
ton left Tor my suspenders-they are all of. 4"
"Do tell now" says |, "I W art 10 know Iil''
cts true" says he, "snd you NAV see for
yourself" And with that ! look 'd-and