Constantine republican. [volume] (Constantine, Mich.) 1836-1838, 1837-04-19

u The GEM, that excellent and cheap semi
monthly miscellany, published at Rochester, N.Y.
awarded the premium for the best written tale, Of
fered for its columns, to the author the following
in the 4th number of the present year:
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A STEAM DOCTOR
BY JOHN II. watts.
"Ohl let me dream,
That STEAM goes with me to the grave alone,
That DER my waking eyes flood Of steam
In mercy may be thrown"
Songs Of Sangrado.
Is the docthur in 7" said an unknown in.
valid, at the same time protruding a collec.
ton of cadaverous signs (which might have
once been a countenance) through crack
in my office door, (Which had been pur-
posely left open, that the crowd of passers-
by might observe the casual operations,
which daily perpetrated to alleviate the
sufferings of diseased mortalty-and which
will be infinitely explained in my forthcom.
ing work entitled an 'Eulogy on the human
system.) SIS the docthur in if you phase y
reiterated my distressed patient, with an
imploring voice, as he poked his head far
Their through the door, displaying a horrid
physiognomy, with features distorted into
an elegant, though affecting expression, OF
that sharp misery whish had worn him to
the bones did not answer Immediately
as was engaged iu extracting the teeth
ache from a decayed jaw which sever.
al eminent physicians had asserted to be in.
durable. Besides, | was offended because
the fellow had not sagacity enough to dis.
cover from Esculepian appearance that
was one of the most profound masters o
the clinical science, besides gravely suspec
ted that 'who steals his purse steals trash,
and as had resolved never to throw ply
sic to the dogs or in medical parance
never to prescribe without receiving com
petent equivalent concluded to let the
fellow sink into his own grave
'Unwept, unhonored, and un-steamed.'
In short time my Office was crowded
with patients | endeavored to dispatch
them as soon as possible to make room 70
others. Bled one, and blistered another
and in the confusion of the moment, demo
lished an old woman's tooth by mistake
(which was all she had lefty who had conn
to my Office 10 inquire for lost child. A
this was but a trihng incident in the neces
sary casualties which occur in the pursu
of science, passed on to another patien
with some blistering salve in my hant
(which / was preparing for another patier
who had not yet arrived) and requested hir
to hold out his tongue. After had exam
med it, left him, but returned in fc'
moments, to look for the blister which ha
lost, and found that had applied it to m
patients tongue, which was hanging out Sc
veral inches, beautifully vesicated, an
bursting into assesses. rushed TOWARD
him intending to remove the obnoxious sui
stance before the incensate error should
discovered by my other patients, but alas
by some inscrutable fatality, as ! steppe
forward to grasp the plaster, trod on II
tail of adog (that belonged to the old womo
with the minus tooth slipped, fell down, vii
the fangs of the remorseless mastiff' implan
ed in my heel. Here all my ineffable in
portance was Frustrated in moment C
, dog - | exclaimed, thou art the conquer,
the mighty avenger of woman's wrong
and the defender Of the toothless victim
my treachery: like Achilles of yore, n