Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1836-08-11

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OF using extremely polite and dictiona-
nhed expressions before company, who
was accustomed TO address her servants
in very loose language. in midst of a
large party. seeing that the candles
wanted shutting. SAID to one of her SER
wants -" Rid those expiring luminaries
OF their loads" Miami said the
stupid wench. Relieve those lumin.
aries Of the superincumbent dross,
winch bears upon the M" replied the
lady" Ma'am:" answered the ser
want. The would be lady hostess, an
cry that her servant should not appear
10 understand her beautiful language,
cried out in voice Of thunder. "snuti
that candle, you hurry !"
TALKING BAcKwARps.-Uucle JOS
ideas fow much faster than he can
find words to express them, which Of
tenhmes occasions a most ambiguous
style OF expression in his manner Of
relating 4 story. Going one day into
his field, he found his neighbours pigs
enjoying fine revel among his pump
kins-a part Of Yankees property
which he will BY no means permit TO
be wasted. Driving them from the
field. each Of them bolted through the
fence with share Of plumber from the
pumpkin bed. Af,er etfecting an eject
inent OF the trespassers from his premi.
ses, he fastened to the hosse to tell his
helpmate Of the disaster, and express
ed himself in the manner and form
following:
Wife. wife. said he, John Downs
field got into my pigs, and when drove
them, the pumpkins went through The
devil with pig in their mouths, as
though the fence was after them, and
apost tumbled over me and I'm cen
just dead."-LotceH Weekly Compend.
An INVITATION TO ANERIcA The editor Of
the Ontario Repository says the following has
been furnished as part Of genuine letter
from an emigrant of son Of the Emerald
Isle, now in Cannandsigla. to his freud a,
home. II is probably pretty fair sample Of
the nature Of the inducements which operate
on the mass Of poor emigrants from that long
misgoverned country:
my Dear Jim--Come to swate
Ameriky. and come quickly. Here
you can buy praties for , shillings a
bushel. and whiskey the same; a dol
lar day for digging, and no hanging
for stealing. Och come" sc.
A Dutchman said to a Yankee. as
they were walking on the banks of the
Hudson,
How de tevil dit dat man we red
OF in te Pible make iron swim"
1t was through faith" answered
his companion, g and if you have faith
you can make your axe swim"
AfterrePeated assurances, the Dutch
man said
Vel. | do have faith vonce"-and
deliberately tossing his axe into the
water, saw it go down to the bottom;
when turning to his laughing compan-
ion, he exclaimed, Dare now, I knew
Il would sink"
THAT is the reason il did," said the
Yankee, you did not believe"
Now ! see it so plain as day" said
the Dutchman. Dat it was Won teyis-
lish Yankee trick"
A blacksmith brought up his son, to
whom he was very severe, TO his trade
The urchin was a most audacious dog.
One day the old gentleman was at
tempting to harden cold chisel which
he had made Of foreign steel, bu, be
could not succeed. Horsewhip it,
father" exclaimed the young one
"ifthat will not harden it, don know
what will"
A gentleman in New Brunswick, on
returning TO rest some few years since.
pot wash bowl of water to bed and
fhyetc himself out of tie windovi Such
instances Of absence Of mind are truly
remarkable.
A farmer having hired a man TO reap
two or three acres of barley. went out