Carroll free press. [volume] (Carrollton [Ohio]) 1834-1861, 1836-07-22
From tAe ,KaickerJocker.
THE MARRIED MANS STORY

share oI Dutch courage, before Gao Yen.,
ture uPon My Life. My hfeG Upon my
word; as Brooks the poet once said, i
hare no lile.'
'There is one grand epoch in my exis.
tence which absorbs the interest | mi CHI
feel iu'eyery other event that has happen.
edto me since my birth. my glass is
out When a young man, married
Nay, don't stare-'tis true, and pity It's
'lis .rue.' Could ! forget it, | should be
the happiest old fellow breathing but the.
: memory of that error weighs fubon me
like the nightmare. Whew! the bare
mention oft gives me the tremors! /
mGrTied-that was bad, you'll admit
for love--thal was sill worse san angel
nnd that embraces the three degrees Of
comparison: bad worse---worst. (iund
The bottle.) Let me, as your sincere
, friend, advise you never To-
'Dnnk2'
no, boy, no-@neyer 10 marry. You
may lose your fortune, your ( lends, your
credit ORIGIN the Temperance Society,
and thus from choice or necessity quit
drink whenever you please; but a Wife
sticks to you like bur: you cant quit
her, and she wont quit you. Well, as |
was saying, fell in love with as pretty
apiece of woman's flesh as you could
hope to meet Of summers day. So
beautiful, so modest so accomplished, SO
gifted in Intellect. 80 mild in temper, so
amiable III disposition, that 'pa, and ma,
and brothers and sisters, and uncles and
,aunts, and 'nephews and nieces, all Join.
ed 10 declaring my chosen an angel. Be
At remembered, boy that l was rich, very
rich-oC course, good catch even for
an angei--pariIcnlarly one who needed
an establishment, without the remotest
prospect Of obtaining it, otherwise than
by the aid Of that ascessary evil, veal
Ghy husband.
':lf ever yeu should marry-which the
saints forbid!--never marry for love
Above all shun 'Gn angel as you would
the pestiIencs. 'DegustibuS non est dis
,PutandUm'itis true, if we apply tho rem
'edy in time. Nothing like wine to drive
a woman out oil your head. If you have
any taste for 'angels' set about its correc
Iion Immediately 'We had better, says
Shakespeare, ebear the ills we have, than
fly to others that we know not Of CGrpt
diem. So pass the bottle once more, and
ill'eadeaVor 10 resume the thread OI
. my narrative, which my great friendship
for you induces me constantly 10 break
that may give you good advice iR tht
right place,
slow I wooed and won my tangel
bride, | will now relate. In fact do no
Tecollect much about the coIrtship.
offered myself and was accepted. Ny
merits were too great not TO DO promptly
recognized by the whole family; and my
adored Gabrielle was soon brought, a
Mrs. Malaprop, would express it, lotowt
the soll impeachment Of mutual pas
siea. Only a single objection was hint
ed a., ard tina, so gently, and with 81
sweet a smile, that, though it deepl.
wounded my pride at the moment soo
recovered from the shock.
i was chrislened at the fount by tn
name of Joaalhan. Where the duce m
palronymic oil Bul!erball came from
can't imagine. Had it been BnttermiA
should think it Irish. jonathan But
terbaIl was the name Of my honorsd falh
er, and such was the cognomen | wa
destined to bear, being all only son sen
him for his comfort ia his old age. How
Tar | fulfilled my mission, it may not
profitable al this time 10 inquire.
'Gabriela Butterball certainly had VI
ry little Of the eUphony Of aristocracy i
its sound. GabrieIla was patrician I
hough but Butterbal was plebeian b'
yond all hope of redemption. My goo
iather-may he rest in peace! was ia
lor by trade, and though immensely wei
thy, would never give up the ship Il
death removed him from the board. Gi
briella felt thai wealth could never ennt
BILE the tallor's con while he continued
bear the fdmiIyname, and gently hinte
at my adopting hers sanctioned by II
gislalive enactment. Howard, it cannt
be denied, is a nober name than Butte
ball.
'But |, too, had my prejudices, whic
Miss Howard found it dangerous to I
rouse, so she consented to become Mr.
Butlerball, without any condition e.
pressly recognised. Perhaps she relic
on her powers ofeloquence, or some oil
or more efficient power, to be brought il
to full play at some more convenient sc
son, TO induce me TO sink the meItir
cognomen of Butterball in that Of The
rislocralic Howard. Be that as it ma
(don't let your interest in my biograpt
suspend the free circulation Of the wine
we married, and Gabrielle How ard, b
came, much to her satisfaction, as w
as nv own-at that llne-Mrs Jonatht
ButlerbaIl.
ALIAS! how transltory is all Subluna
bliss Sic transit gloria mundt.'' ln o.
short month, discovered that my 'ang
wife was onIy--wbat shall l say-~