Rutland herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1823-1847, 1836-09-20
MANAGING A HUSBAND!

This is a branch Of female education too much
neglected il ought to be taught with French,
Italian, and the use Of the Globes" To be sure,
as Mrs. Glass most scnsibly observes, "frst catch
your hare" and you must also first catch your hus
band But we vii, suppose him caught-and there
fore to be roasted boiled, stewed, or jagged. All
these methods of cooking have their matrimonial
prototypes. The roasted husband is done to death
by the fiery temper, the boiled husband dissolyes in
the warm water Of coniugal tears, the slowed hus-
band becomes dGetile by the application CT Worry,
and the logged husband is subdued by sauce and
SPICE. Women have all natural gcnius for hav-
ing their own way; still the finest talents, like tthe
finest psantry in the world" require cultivation
We recommend beginning soon.
When Sir William l. was setting Off on
his wedding excursion, while the bride was subsi.
ding from the pellucd ligbiness of white satin and
blonde, into the delicate darkness of he lilac silk
travelling dress, the lady's maid rushed into his
presence With torrent, not of tears but of words.
His favorie French valet had put out al! the band
boxes tat had been previously stored with all fem
enine ingenuity in the carriage. Ofcourse, on the
happest day Of his life, Sir William could not
'hnt fault or hesitate dislike and he therefore
ordered the interesting exIles to be replaced. "Ver
vel, Sarc William" said the prophetic gentlemau's
gentleman. "you let yourself be band boxed now,
you be band boxed all your life
The prediction OF the masculine Cassandra of the
curling irons was amply fulfilled. Poor Sir Will
lam Z. One of his guests, a gentleman whose wit
might have belonged TO Leeds clother, for they
were always wool gathering, COMPOUNDED the bri
dal with one Of those annual festivals when people
cruelty give you JOY Of having made one step more
to your grave--this said guest at his wedding, lit
orally wished him many happy returns of the day !
The polite admiitcr of the band boxes found he W.
ever, ono anniversary quite sufficient, without any
returns.
Now, We do consider it somewhat hard "to drag
at each remove" such very perceptable chain it
might as well have been wreathed, or gilded or e
ven pinch-becksd. A friend Of mlne Mrs. Franis
Caldwell, does the thing much better. We shall
give domestic dialogue in Curzcn street BY way
Of example to lie rising generation.
81 have been at Baldoc's this morning, my love, >
said Mrs. Caldwell, while helping the SOUP, abe
has tw such Lovely Sevre tables, portraits Of Lou
is SlVih's beauties; you must let me have them
Tor tue drswingroom. they aie such loves"
II really do wonder" Exclaimed Mr Caldwell.
10 his most decided tone. what you can want of
any thing more IN the drawing room. ain sure
that 1t Is much as any one can do to get across
'aem as 1t is. will have no more money spent
on such trash"
"e "eh 10 inc sauce "a q Cfff
exclaimed the lady, Fastening to charge the dis
course do let me recommend it,"
Dinner proceeds eHliyened with a little series of
delicate attentions on thepart Of the wife, One thing
Is ADVISED another. which she is well aware is her
hnSbsnds aversion, playfully forbidden, with a
my dear Francis, you are careless of yourself
consider les horreuTs &c Ia digestion"
Dinner declines into desert and Mr. Caldwell
eats has walnuis. peeled
ny no hand, as you may guess.
But this, Of fairly fair
'@' "',s '-te"ehs very pretty fingers. Toward
'he mooie OF h's second glass Of port lie perceyes
mat there are tears 10 has wlfes soft blue eyes-
@h'.h become actual sobs as he progresses 10 The
third glass - vac
the tables. '0' ''''' nave
The tables I" cried the lady, with an Al, ,s,bs
."oo' COY saia Of ancient Gaul, qusrtered into
'hfee halves Of dlsds.n, wounded fee,i.ps. and
tenderness Il have lost sn w,.h 20, ,.en I,
VA, o. you Francis. that was iLinliog. Good
go can you weigh feS psl,ry pounds seailst
'"e pressure Of gratifying your wife ace
nave lost my hold yo'ir affections. wh., h.ys
cone l~bose whole life has but On. b, nnin...
'SAi Of pleasing roo."
WI Dot pursue the subject 10 n. La, con-
l"sh r4oAe Of tears aud kisssF .,H,c. :, a, -