Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1836-03-25
From late London paper.
CONFESSIONS OF A QUACK DOCTOR.

inc CO'u hand ni Death presses heavily 0rd
painfully upon me; tell that this bed
will be the last, save an earthly one, ON
which the proprietor of the BaIsam Of
Bethesda will ever law shall be far
beyond the reach OF the Indignation and
ccnsure of a last atUnemGnt. if lay before
the public, certain particulars wherein
have played conspicuous though Il deceit
fol part. AT the same time ] must beg the
reader to have the candor To bear IN mind
this remark, that what | have done has
been merely Tor the sake of gam, and not
out Of malice OF i'll will 10 my fellow crea-
lures as body, OF to any individual in par
ticuar.
shall commence with short sketch of
my carry life. My father, Reuben Kllrnau
was brewer, IN 4 small market tOwu.---
lie married, for his fourth wife. the daugh.
ter of the ptlncipa apothecary OF Tie place.
The issue of that marriage was the author
OF the present memoir. a short time be-
fore was born, my poor mother had been
reading the poems Of the Poet Laureat,
which made so great an impression on her,
that she insisted on my being chrislened by
the name of Thalaba
That dear parent was so fondly attached
TO her only offspring, that during her life.
she never would ulioW my tender frame
TO be exposed TO the cruelty Of a birch
bearing brute, as she frequently styled that
awful monster. On Tie contrary. she de
terr'lned to educate me c,scl aud, in orr
der that she mlght direct my talents, Of
which she had The highest opinion, in the
proper channel, she ,rtz I'd the oppUrtuni, Y
tnl ia. III,
to be examined by Gel, brated phrenolo.
ssr, who had aunouucrd hat he should en-
tighten the town by few lectures on his
subtle science. well remember The lay
ing on of hands Of that slender gentleman.
After duly examining tie outward signs OF
my inward powers, he informed my mother
that my devcuppments were 50 interesting
md compICatc. that he would take time
for rctleCtlon,and send her a written opinion
The good lady. gra'licd by tie pains and
attention he was paying her tavUrlc. slip
ped half guinea into h, learned palm,
and went home to walt for the promised
particulars.
The next day she received the follow
Ing note:
"Madam,-The real cause of my not an
Il
that was anxious not 20 expose him before
other parties: but the sacred obligation of
truth compel me to state, that iud the
organs Of GcGuis''iUencsg aud deg'%t,a ,,ocac,S
81 strong, that | can have lutte doubt he
will be led Oh from robbery to murder,
and finally, end his days at the ga,lows, un-
less you take great pains IN cullvatlng his
organs OF generation, &c. as explained il
my little work, price Is Cd. Your ODE.
dent servant. MANUEL PALMER"
Ny mothers rage at this epsllc may be
conceived. She instantly set off on a
crusade against The phrenoIugist, and cal
led Oh every neighbor and gossip in the
place, denounci q the mans ignorance, and
proving it by his letter, and the well
known amiabio qualities of her interesting
child. believe the lectures were, after
all. as well attended as ever. My father
was angry with my mother for exposing
he faults OF his child, and told her she
ought to have hushed up the business
The poor lady reiortcd. and quarrel en-
sued. 1t was however ,nade up; and the
reconciliation was evidently sincere on my
fathers part as he advised my mother the
following day to leave oil brandy and water
which they had always been in he habit Of
drinking, aS he thought ale would be better
for her. Although she did as he recon.
mended, my father los, his wife, and | ny
kind parent IN less than three months from
that time,
wished Ia put my mothcrs tortoise shell
cat into mourning on the occasion, and She
tore the clothes made for her, resolved
to blacken those which nature had given
her with ink. had Just begun the opera,
ton, and had placed the unteelng animal
head foremost down in a host, with Il quart
ink bottle in my other hand. when my faith.
er appeared. Seeug how was occupied,
he rushed towords me. The abruptures OF
his manner, enough was doing no harm.
but on the contrary plous duty,) alarmed
me. | fled: he pursued, lie gained ground
heard him puff close at my back. In my
cagerness to escape, attempted to jump
over cooler full OF ale. should easily
have accomplished the leap, had 1t hot hap
pened that at that moment my fathers
hand arrested me by the trowocr'S behind.
He checked the impetus of my spring, and
| fell, with the ink bottle, boot, aud cat,
into the middle Of the streaming liquid.
| screamed, the cat mewed, my father
swore. But the death of my mother,
suppose, had soitencd his hear; tor in Il
minute he recovered his good humour,
laughed at the cat and me, and said, 1T
did not matter, as the boot was the Ouly
thing that would be the worse for It,"
However, he made up his mind TO send me
to school forthwith, ITO improve my man
ners, and have me out Of harms way"
10 school was sent. and there ! re-
NAMED until was twelve years old, at
which time my father sent for me home,
put me into his counting house, anG taught
me the arts of bookkeeping and brewing.
Inc latter found was "a far more intricate
ana mysterious process than the mere mix
ture of malt and hops
years went on, grew up into man :
but as advanced the little Town declined