Cheraw gazette. [volume] (Cheraw, S.C.) 1835-1838, 1836-11-01
one DAY AND A HALF IN THE LIFE OF \ TO-
BACCO CHEWEE.
SATURDAY. October 10Th, 1885.

me 10 Call al COuSln M--S allu DOiIoN
for her the Sorrows of Wertcr. Hate to
have wife read such namby pambv stuff
hut must humor her with whimS. and con-
cludcd that | had rather she would take
pleasure over Werfer's sorrows han employ
her tongue in making Sorrows, for your
humble servant.
Got to Cousin Ms DOR. Now
Cousin NJ. is an Old maid. and a drcadjMtidy
woman. Like tidy women well enough, but
can't bear vour dreadful ,idy ones. because
| am always in drcad while on their prem
ises lest should offend their super supcrla-
tive neatness by a bit Of gravel Oh the sole Of
my boot,o sach matter.
Walked in, delivered my message. ard
seated myself in one of her cane bottom
chairs, while she rmnmagcd the book case.
Forgot TO take out mv c;ivcnd!Sh before
entered and while she hunted, Iclt the tide
rising. No Spii5or in the room. VIM
dowS closed. Floor carpetcd. Stove var
nished. Look TO tie fre-plac@--fuI of
flowers, and hearth newly daubed with Span
iSh brown. Here was fix. Felt the food
of essence of cavcndiSh accommodating
Regain to reason with myself whether as Il
last alternative it were better TO drown the
flowers. rcdaub the hearth, or flood the car
pet. Mouth in the mean time pretty well
filled. 10 add o my misery she began 10
ask questions. Old vou uevcrread this book
-P YES, ma'm,' said | in 4 voice like
frog from lhc bottom OF Il well. while |
wished book. aunt and all, were with Pha-
raoh's hos in tie Red Sea. How do YOU
Ike itr continued the interchangeable qacrst.
threw my head on the back Of the chalH
and mouth inward 10 prevent an overflow.
'Preltv well said !. She at last found the
Sorrows of Wcrtcr and came toward me.
% dear! Cousin Oliver, don't put your
head on the back of the chair; now don't,
You'll grease il, and take otfthe gliding. -
! could not answer her having now los: The
power Of speech entirely, and my checks
were dis.endcd like those of 4 toad under a
mushroom. 'Why Oliver said my pcrsc.
vering tormcntor. unconclouS the reason
of my appearance, YOU are sick, ! know You
are, YOUR face is dreadluny swclled,' and
before could prevent her, her har;shorn
was clapped 10 my dis:ended nostrilS. rs
my mouth WAS closed imperturbly. the
orifices in my naSSal organ were at tha; time
my only breathing place. Judge, then.
what commoton Il full snuff Of hartshorn
created among my oliactorics.
bol;ed torthc door, and a hearty ache
heheel relieved my pvoboscis. and tobacco.
chyle, &C., ';rll a, once d;sgor5ed from mv
mouth, restored Inc tie taculy of speech.
Her eyes followed M in astonShmcnt, and
returned and relieved my embarrassment
by putting 4 load o. my conscience. |
told her ! had been trying to relieve the
ioothache by the temporary use OF tobacco
while truth 70 tell. never had an aching
fang in my head. iwcnt home mortified. |
SUNDAY FORENOON.
Friend .A-invtcd myself and wife to
take seat with him to hear the celebrated
Mr.-prcach. Conducted by neighbor
A-to his paw. Mouth as usual, full of
tobacco, and--horror of hororS!-!ound |
the pew elegantly carpe:cd with white and
green-two or three mahogany cr!ckets.
and a hat-Stand-but no spit-boX. The
services commenced-cvcry deal on the
organ was answered by an Internal appeal
from nv mouth for liberation from is
contents-but the thing was impossible,
tho't Of using my hat for splt-boX-then
ofurnug one of the crickets--but could
do nothing unperceived. | took out my
handkerchief. bat found in the plcnituds Of
her otiiciousncSS, that my wife had placed
one of her white cambrics in my pocket
instead ofmy bandanna. Here was il
lemma. BY the time the preacher had
named his text, my checks had reached their
utmost ,cnsion, and must spit or die.
arose, seized my hat, and made for the
door. My wife-conioundcd these women
how they dog one mountaineering me
unwcl, she might have known better. got
up ard followed nc out. Are YOU unwcll
Oivcr! said she, as the door closed a(icr
us. answered hcr by putting outlhe eyes
oran unlucky dog with flood olexpresSed
essence of cavendiSil.. 4 wish,' said she.
'Mr. A-had q spi,-box in his pew 80
do l. We footed it home in moody silence.
was sorry my wife had lost the sermon,
but how could help ii! These women are
so a!factIonate, coniound them; no | don't
mean so. Bat she might have known what
allied me, and kept her seat.
Tobacco, o tobacco, But the deeds Of
that day are not told yet. After the con-
clusion of services along came farmer
Ploughshare. He had seen me 60 out of
church aud stopped at the open window
where | sat. sick to day Mr.-r--