South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1836-03-05
find.mud on the top Of a tree.

No, but you may, sometimes, find ii
at the bottom, though I'll tell you how
found il. cut the bark near the
root ofthe tree, and then stripped III
upwards, expecting it would come TO
an end and break of, and run itself out
after while But il hung on like suit
in chsncery-and stript, and, until il
run up forty feet as broad and strong
as ever. Thinks to myself, there's
10 use 10 pursuing the thing any farth-
er, and so iii enter nolle prosequi.
But not to lose the benefit Of what l had
done-that was the point to be decided.
| wished at least to save cost-but,
pshaw / forgot--i'm not a lawyer
now. Well, as ! was saying, Hooked
at The subject to see how could secure
the bark. 1t was too strong for me 10
break of. AT any rate, thought ]
there's more than one way to skin q
cat, as butcher would says II can
not break off this bark, l can climb up
by il. No sooner said than done. /
seized hold Of the strip, and placing
my feet against the trunk Of the tree,
ran up hand over hand. By this meth.
cd Of climbing, you will perceive my
back must have been downward, and
nearly q horizontal position-my feet
being braced against the tree, and my
head standing from it in an angle OF
nearly ninety degrees. Having arriy-
ed at the proper height, l was then in
quandaty how 10 get my knife out Of
my pocket, and how to get it open
when it was out. II let 60 with one
hand, was fearful the other would not
hold ne. However, saysl, its neck
or nothing. I'll try the experiment al
any rate-so / gripped powerfully,
with my left hand, while | took out
my knife with my right, and opening
it with my teeth, whipped off the bark
as clean as the law would dock an en-
tail.
sAnd what do you think was the re.
| suit p
sWhy you came fat upon your
back, Of course
Right, gentlemen Of the jury--a
| very correct verdict indeed. l came
down Hat in the mud. Never was a
client laid fa,ter on bis back than L.
and never was one so completely be-
daubed with filth and mud. But thanks
to yielding nature OF the soil! ] saved
my bones, and only brought away the
mischief on my coat.-I gained my
cause, too-whieh is more than can
say Of all my undertakings
The company laughed heartily at
the ex-lawyer's account Of his exploit
while the latter, hanging his coat up
10 the sun, said, that the mud was like
the old woman's grease, would rub Of
when il was dry.
He continued, a while longer, to fol-
low his occupation Of chair bottoming,
when suddenly becoming sane again
he resumed the practice Of the law,
and has, ever since, preferred laying
his opponents on their backs, in legal
way, to being laid on his own in so lu-
dicrous manner as that above related.
Hair OiL-"Nature," observed a |
6rst rate ornamenter Of the hair, quick !
" rubbing his hands, in order to dis.
solve knob Of bears grease which
he held between them, "she defies the
power Of man to set her laws aside
and rest assured this grease, which has
MANFRED and matured the hair on the
bears back, will perform the same Of
fee on your head" "He's right, sir,
hes right-quite right, | can assure
you"-sai wag then standing by-
sfor ] we'll know a friend who was
quite bald, and in mistake was sold a
pot Of goose grease. This be applied,
and in a little time his head was COW
cred Ger and oser-ay, every bit Of il
with feathers ! |
A FAIR HIT.-A young aspirant foft
liberty and fashionable distinction,
who had 10 vain laid the Foundation
for what he had hoped would Iuxuriate
into large pair Of whiskers. lately
asked one Of our village bellies, what
,he thought of them. To which she
replied, with much naiuets, that they
were like unto the Western country
extensively laid out, but thinly settled.
l
A GENTLE HlNT.--A New Orleans
paper of a late date says "A GENTLE.
MAN day or two since forged an or
der upo the State Treasures for the
payment of member. He is advised
TO quit, for he is suspected, and close
ly watched
l