Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Wayne County, Ind.) 1831-1837, 1835-02-28
From Bicknell's Reporter.
PHILADELPHIA PCLiCE-TuE FAT
MAN.

PHILADELPHIA PCLiCE-Ti1E FAT
MAN.
There is little mai in this city-tb ere
are little men in most clties--but T.. &c one
COW on the taps gs {, peculiar lltU mao
a fat little mau. lie IS just fly, feet each
way When i,c is asleep he appears 70 be
standing up under tha beJ,.othes, although,
he is lying down; y hen he d.scends the
stairs, he might well roii Oh ms side and
as for tnrnbiing down. rs other people tu,Ii-
bic down, 1t is out OF the question with
Mr.. Berry Back. Before he gets a fair
start from a perpendicular his corporosisy
touches the groUnd--whiclI his hands in
vain attempt to reach; and he leans for
ward, as one may see a school boy leaning
on cotton bale. lie cannot fall on his
nose--ihat privilege Immortality is forbid
den to Berry
These fleshy attributes, worry the little
gentleman amazingly. lie cannot wear
shoes, for he must have assistance to tie
them, e. that is altogether too troublesome
for him. Boots are not without their vexa-
tons, although he has a pair of patent
hooks, constructed expressly for his own
use. He is addicted 10 literature, and
could write tolerable verses once upon a
time, when he was thin enough to sit so
near desk as to be able to write upon il,
which was long time ago. His body is
now too large, and his arms too short. for
such an achievement. BY the advice Of
the faculty Berry is now devoting his lei
sure to the science Of gymnastics, hoping
in that to find relief Not content with
exercising by day; he sometimes rises in
the night, after brooding over the miseries
of being fat, and sallies forth to Jump fire
plugs and swing upon awning posts.
1t was not long agotLat he was seen, with
his hat upon stepping stone. in front of a
house IN Chestnut street, laboring very
diligently at jumping over the stone & the
ctapeau. The hunhleness of the effort
arose from the heavy nature of the veritable
Poughkeepsie, in which he had been in
dul ging very freely; but he failed at each
trial, kicking his hat into the middle OF the
street.
''Phewr said Berry. AMY new hat will
be ruinationed to all intents and purposes.
Oh! if l wasn't so fat, nigh. be snoozing
it oil at the rate of nine knots, like other
people, instead Of firing myself to DEATH
Fat amt of no us,. Fat horses, and fat COWS,
and fat oxen, and fat sheep,s respected ac-
cording; but fat men is respected disaccord-
ing.-Folks laugh, and all the girls turn up
their noses. Its tiresOme to jump over this
here, but its good deal tiresomer to be so
jolly that you Can't jump over nothing So
here goes again. Warnee wunst! warnee
twyst! warnee three times! all the way
homer'
Berry assumed the salient attitude ofthe
pound OF butter which Dawkins threw at his
wife, and was about making a desperate
spring when be was suddenly checked by
the, Waterman.
''Don't baulk, good mani say don't
You jump over that ere hat,
fair landing jump, with brick in each
hand-none Of your long runs, and step
over"
'.Perhaps might, but it won't do for us
70 be cutting rusties at this time of night.
ou'd better sing mighty small, tell YOU
''Pooah! pooah don't be ridickalis. NY
ioctor says i'll don't exercise Iii be smoth-
cred, and I'm workingf for my health. I've
Jumped six fire plugs this very night, and
ii jump over tha,'ere hat before 60 home
I'm bowed if cont! Now squat. and
Zee il 90 fair. Warnec wunst.'
s.You're tuck upr' said Chagley. losinc
II patience You're either anon con-
,ussor or as biUe IS razor. never seed +
more gueerer ie,ler, and | car. take the |
sponsibili,y of letting you run at large" /
~ cant run any other how than run at !
arge; but # you'll let me alone, Ill tEy to
imp myself smaller. So clear out, skinny
nd let me practice. Warnee wunst!-
"You'd much better come along, and
,aae no bones atout it,
.'Bones. don't believe I've got any
IN toned turkey. I've seen the article,
Ut | never had any bones myself"
"iss; you re fat enough, II SASSY enough
-sassys no name Cor YOU. So you must
onne 10 the watch u.s." |,
''Weii, if must. must; but i'll get the
opeplexy, it's a,l your fault. You won't
]; me jump over my hai-you won't let me I
ide on the cellar doos-you won't let me Il
, nothing! And now you're going to lock +