Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1835-03-12
From the New York Evening Star.
BACHELORS DINNFR

II is known that the old bachelors give No
more balls on the eve OF st Valentine Nothinp
was more delightful and in fact more splendid
than their annual festival. The worthy host ol
the CITY Hotel being one Of the fraternity him
sell took great delight in giving effect to those
balls, and the magnificent decorations, the am
pie and rare supper, the choice music and the
Joeund smiling faces which Gro wded the saloon
VIII long be remembered with delight. The
The members OF the club, however, one by one,
Tell INTO hymen's snare, aud there was no re-
pienishlng the number By proselytes, the roster
evidently declined, but on calling the roll few
days ago il was ascertained that there was en-
ongh lett 10 get up dinner, provided few Of
the Old deserters were invited; accordingly
cards were issued, and they mustered tolerably
strong al the Shakespeare. The song and the
story, the sweet scented tobacco, the juice of the
purple grape, the apple toddy, and all kinds Of
bachelors comforts were beautifully supplied
One related how comfortably he took his meals,
free from the squalling Of children and piercing
tones Of a rafting wife. Another declared that
his toast and his tankard were his great delight,
and at bed time he could discuss BOTH tranquil
" tumble into his cot when little eosey and
sleep like a top, without curtain lecture. A
fourth recounted his nightly gambols, his coffee
at the Divan, his supper at the American, his
late and conyivial hours free from eensure or
loud upbraiding. Another detailed the joys Of
game of whist until two in the morning, no ex-
pense for silk or calicoes, children's stockings
or night caps, all was freedom, Independence, hi
Iarous mirih blended with economy and good
government. They then all chaunted the glee
{. How merrily we live. how merrily we live,
We that bachelors be-"
The married men sat mum chance, until they
were called upon to hold up their hands and
plead why sentence should not be pronounced
against them for basely deserving the fraternity
One Of the Benediets appointed to plead for
the rest. eve guilty, my friends--we
have deserted you in good time. The very Joys
which you boast of were so irksome, so oppress-
i've, so tedious and gloomy, that the moment Gu
pid presented his culver we selected the dart
10 say that we repent, that we would willingly
retrace our steps, and return TO the forlorn con-
dition in which you now stand, would be high
misdemeanor IN hymen's eourt--it would be un.
true in point of fact. What if You do enjoy a
solitary glass-we enjoy il likewise-we sip
nectar from lips that our own. If YOU are
free from the noise of children, you are likewise
deprived OF the JOY and comfort which they i'm
part, their innocent prattlc, their cndearing pre-
sence. ltyou can take hand at whist, or stay
out until two in the morning, we can do the same
but we have fair hand partner, and kind
welcome when We do come home. We have a
friend in prosperity-one ready TO share our lows
and sorrnws-ready TO follow CTR fortunes to the
end of the world-onc who smooihs our pillow
at night, and thanks God in the morning that we
have awakened in life and health.' The faces
OF the bachelors began to ''cream and mantle"-
they looked uncommonly grave, and the tips Of
their noses, methought, were quite blue. The
President opened several sealed packages before
hin. In one was copy Of pretty verses in
another baby's cap-a third, pap spoon--a
fourth mottos-a fifth, sprigs Of rue, in short so
many pleasant appropos trifles were sent by the
ladies, and said aud done in the matter, that the
old bachelors were getting reconcled to matri-
mony. One said it certainly had its comforts
another protested he would like to have son or
twoa third said it was in truth terrible to sleep
alone these cold nights-a fourth believed that
celibacy after all was not very cheap. They
all got into such merry mood, and felt so wiish
and matrimonial, that had Diana let loose troop
OF chaSte damsels among them, they would all
nave surrendered, when an unhappy event des-
troyed all our arguments in favor of connubial
bliss, and "turned our milk TO gall"
The servant whispered ia the ear of one of the
guests, who left the table. We shortly heard a
murmur in the passage-then a buzz. and pre-.
sently shrill voice, which at once led us into
the secret Of our misfortunes. 1t was his wife
who had come purposely to bring him home and
upbrald him for the company he had kept. A
pretty piece OF business, indeed. to leave me
alone, and go ard dine with parcel Of mnsty
bachelors, who preach up disafTeclion and hostif-
lty to your loving wife, and interrupt our domes-
tic happiness " But my duck and darling con.
slider now how unpleasant this interruption is,
they are all in such good humor with inatrimony
and all my particular friends pray speak low
or Tor heavens sake" g wont speak lower
III raise my voice that the ugly fellows may all
hear me ;-& you stupid elf, to believe you can
rub up rusty pewter and pass it off for silver =
you are all women haters, nuisanccs and it is
SIN 20 countenanec you $50 come home quickly
Pm not go to tea without" The poor fellow,
with lntreaties and promises, finally got rid Of
his rib, and came back with an embarrassed air,
which he opdeavored to subdue; but ii was no
Gothic mischief was done-the dreams had all
vanished-thc single Xantippe had kicked over
the bucket of milk and the bachelors broke out
IN roar, as loud and as long as we sometimes
hear from the animals in the Geological institute.
All hopes ofmairimony vanished in a twinkling
and we left them singing the catch
How merrily we live, how merrily we live,
We that bachelors be--we that bachelors be y