The Rhode-Island Republican. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1809-1841, 1835-10-07
JONAH ELDERBERRY, ESQ.
AND TIE DISAPPOINTED OLD MAIDS.
OR LOVE IN A MIST.

IN MIST.
In small village lived Miss Bridget and Mis-
Dorothy. The villagers were apt to call then
when speaking of them, Mrs but in retaining tn
perfixed Miss, have the sanction of their own in
variable custom; and surely they had right to dc
eide on their appellation.
These two old maids had long been the stockfisl
of the village. They were sort of landmarks, ant
were supposed by the Juveniles of the place. to b.
coeval with the markst THAT this, howeve
was not the case, appeareth from the register of thu
parish church.
We can most truly and seriously assure our read
ers that the sin of old maidenhood did not lie at thu
door of either of these ladies'. On the contrary the
efforts to divorce themselves from cebacy had beer
numberless. The learned professions had encoun
tered full display of their charms. Tive success
sve Wears had obtained dispensations, and left tc
the curates the cure of souls. Two curates were
married men. Two succeeding ones had resigned
their situation. The OlIapods and Briefws were
besieged in valn One by one of the apothecares
eyaporated, and the attorneys would not plead
tRough there was every chance for an /" yes" from
the respondents.
Fate at length directed to the village Jonah FL
derberry, Esq. a younger sons younger son,
who retired in the ffty-eighth year of his age,
on gold headed cane and life annuity of a
hundred and nineteen pounds odd shilIings, odd
pcuCc, ttIc DcqutSt oi All OIu dutlt whom Jonah
had invented a tooth powder equally choice and
cheap. Jonah Elderberry, Esq. was little man.
and great beau; ION his arrival in the vicinity of
the two spinsters, he called the beau with two
strings.) He wore little wig, very neat, and al
ways appeared in cinnamon -colored coat, and
a faded appIc-bloom complexion. lie carried age
we'll; he also carried on damp days, a small silk
umbrella with ivory handle He wore silk stock
ngs with long clocks and being inside of the clocks
1,o,r lal Rail
counts for his seeking harmony with the two spins
ters. They heard of the name given him. and
changed it to Be-amour.
To Mr.. Elderberry, accordingly both ladies' laid
siege. They besieged him, in hopes that he would
beseech them but each fattcrcd herself with being
| the lucky she, and of disappointing the other. This
was powerful by-motive for they were bosom
friends. However, Mr. Elderberry's conduct was
sufficiently ambiguous-not that he failed in paying
the most decided attentions to either lady-on the
contrary he was equally assduous to both and
here was the mischief So equally did he divide
himself that he ran n chance of being cut dead a
catastrophy which was only prevented by the scar
city of bachelors in the village. To recur once
to the sime of the clock-which is making the most
Of time-he was like pendulum, so impartial were
his vibrations between the two parties
AT LENGTH however, it appeared that things were
coming to a crisis. Miss Dorothy had had super.
natural indications that something vas going to come
For three several mornings the cofee-grounds had
given mysterious hints-bridecake appeared in hel
dreams, and cradles bounced from the fire. Th,
rind of orange thrown her shoulder arranged
itself into true love-knOt. That of turnip 10 be
sure, had represented an II and why might moi
Ederbery be spelt with that letter and even if il
the first letter of Ederberry il was certain.
~ the last of Jonah.
On the morning Of the fourth day came a little
flourish on the knocker, at the door of Miss Doro-
thys dwelling and single knock by way of peror-
alton sort Of miniature town knock, or London
rap in consumption. The door opened, and Miss
Dorothy's handmaid announced Mr. Elderberrv
So enter jonah
There was something more of constraint in Miss
Dorothy's manner than usual as she motioncd Mr.
Elderberry to chair; degree of consciousness
which looks very well at sixteen but il is, perhaps
reversed, when the figures reversed. This some
thing it has no name in the living tongue was not
however, confined to the spinster. 1t seemed still
more to occupy and overwhelm the bachelor. Sew
ers,l hems. Information given and received on
that recondite subject, the state of the weather.
'Lap-dog very well 7
'Lap-dog not very well sick of surfeit, occas-
ioned by eating too many stewed oysters poor dear
thing
Friend Miss Bridget very welll'
Miss Bridget quite welli
So passed half an hour.
At the expiration of this period, the conversation,
after sort OF Kubicon like pause, was renewed.
new key was touched, and a mystery knocked.
Il have venturedto wait on Miss Dorothy in con-
sequence of--of-'a period or full stop.
No need Of assigning any cause. Mr. Elder
bsrys visit always acceptable =