South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1835-04-18
From the Gentlemen's Wade Mecum.
POLICE SKETCH.

IOLlLE On T. III.
ut is most astonishing" said Rich
ard Mervyn, as he relinquished the at
tempt to rise from the gutter at The cor
ner ofSixth and Prune streets-"it is
really astonishing how soon this dread
full climate of America brings on old
age. 1 shall never survive to get
home and write book about the place
never. Here am |, six feet two,
without my stockings, sprawling in a
dirty republican gutter, without being
able 10 help myself out Of it. There's
that lamp winking and blinking 10 my
face, as it wants TO laugh, and would
lift had mouth; and big brute OF a
dog just now nosed me to see whether
was good to eat. What a country ]!
what cutters and what liquor! /
only took nine swallers of whiskey, &
what with that and the premature old
age, l verify believe I'm assassinated-
Pm a gone chicken %
Mr.. Mervyn now clamored so loud
ly that assistance soon came.
"Silence there /! what's the matter ?"
"Matter yourself-Pm being done,
or as some people say, Pm doing
The march Of mind has tripped, and
Richard Mervyn is too deep for him.
self. Help me out-gently--there.-
Amt ! in pretty picker This is
what the doctors call ,gutta serena,
isn't i,l"
"When / was at school, the boys
would have called you gutteral."
"They wouldn't have known much
grammar, if they did. Pm liquid
see me drip
ooh ! no /" said the watch, "don't
try TO be funney ] know you we'll e.
nough, now you've wiped your face.
You're the chap that locked me up in
my box once, and when / burst open
The door you knocked me heels over
head, and legged it."
"That's me, did that thing. How
do you like the ups and downs OF pub.
lie life? Isn't variety charming 2"
Gift wasn't that am public func.
tionary, and mustn't give way to my
feeling, I'd crack your cocoa, and ease
my mind by doing as I was done by.
I'll make an example of you, however.
You're my prisoner. Hal!y cooshay
TO the watch'us. That's, the Dutch
for being tuck up.''
"Well, give us your arm. Don't be
afraid of the mud. Gutter mud is We.
ny wholesome. Look at the pigs how
fat it makes 'em and if you like fat
pork, why shouldn't you like wha,
makes porke fat7 So-so-steady.
Now I'll tell you all about 'tother night.
| was passing your box in friendly,
promiscuous sort Of a way, ] thought
you were asleep, or had run down, and
turned the key to wind you up. liza
watch amt wound up, it can't either
keep good time, or even CO."
"Well, what else ~
aWhy, then watched the box, and
when you came out, / boxed the watch.
That's all. 1t grew out Of my obliging
disposition"
cha! very obliging. Now its my
turn to wind you up, and to do it in
the same way. I'll take you before
the matchmaker to be cleaned and reg
ula,ed. You 60 TOO fast, but he'll put
spoke in your wheel; he'll set you
by the State House, and make you keep
good time"
"Wy, watchy, you're wag. Why
dent you say that | was horizontal,
and that you lifted me up like paten,
lever7 You're wide awake now but
that night you wer'nt up to trap, or you
would have caught me. l caught a
weasel asleep that time--I put fresh
salt on you for once"
To add one more to his vagaries,
Mervyn now refused to walk a step
further; and sitting down on step,
loudly avowed his resolution, declaring
his name was not Walker.
"Whetbsr you're name is walker or
not, you must 60"
F'Net without a go-cart-you can't
force me to CO. Pm legal tender, and
you must take me. Hav'nt | got an
Office, or at least, amt | in a public
situation here on the steps, Charley
Rattletrapsa If l must go, it shall be
on the Yankee principle of rotation
bring wheel-balrow. Reform me ouI
regularly"
Persuasion being useless, the Officer
procured assistance and wheel'bar'
row, in which MeIvyn was placed. A
xrpu thev wont