South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1835-09-12

dom's work SO carefully TO Gull the rose,
as to avoid the thorn, and let its rlch
perfume exhaIe to heaven, 10 grateful
alteration OF Him who gave the rose to
blow.
THE INCURABLE.
snow doctorl don't you think am on
the mending hand ; and doctor mayn't
90 out soon 2"
s'No, say, unless you shut up that
mouth of yours
"Why doctor, feel considerably bet
ter--and doctor, ate mince pie this
morning"
what mince devil, madam
"Why, doctor, ! kinder hankered arter
it; and you said, doctor, when | felt as
though could take leetle something
that was nice, and light, might just
smell of it and kinder taste it, DOCTOR"
!. s'And so you eat mince pie?'
''Yes, doctor, and leetle custard, a
very leetle!" :.
Its wonder, madam, if you don't
die after it. Why did'nt you swallow a
pound of bullets?"
"Why. doctor, a physician once told
me always. to eat, when | felt an appe-
tite"--
"Shut up! shut up. madam What do
Icare for physician?
"Why, would you really advise me to
saw nothing at all. doctor 1t does me so
much good to talk"
"Goodl twill be the death Of you
'.Why, must say, Isbould hate terri
bly,, doctor, to have the lock jaw
'tUmph you'd be sure to talk in your
sleep come shut up
sWhy now there's DR.. b, who can
euro any thing. He'd let me eat mince
ies, --dont you think, doctor, little
sbala or catnip tea taken externally would
take the oppression off my stomach-ah !!
dear doctor, don't you now? Shall call
in Dr.-to advise with you. He can
cure any thing -,
There's one thing he can't cure. 1.-The
can, say, send for him, madam
What! pray what is it, dear doctor |
want to know
.IIe can't make blister that will pre-
vent your everlasting tongue from click
cick-clacking Good day madam
yes he can. Come back, doctor, he's
master hand at sewing up things with
media and thread
Then send for him. It's past my cure.
Good day, madam
Another mince pie, Sukey! Oh dear,
I'm trotting off in rapid consumption
Harrison, of Virginia, the father Of
Gen. Harrison, one Of the signers Of
the Declaration of Independence, was
very large heavy man--after affixing
his name to that memorable instrument,
he turned to Elbridge Gerry, who was
very thin and slender, and said, "when
the time Of hanging comes ] shall have
the advantage of you it will be over
with me in minute, but you will be
kicking in the air half an hour after !
am gone."
The Farmer and Phrenologist.
One OF these travelling phrenologists
who 90 about the country, making
fools Of the people, or deceiving those
who are already fools stopped at the
Else of farmer not hundred miles
finn this city, and proposed the SUBJ
ject ofexamining the childrens heads.
The honest farmer, to whom the
subject wasnew was entirely puzzled
TO know what the gentleman wanted.
Examine the children's heads ! ex.
claimed he, swhat for, in the name of
potatoes and hoe.handles y Then turn
ing to his wife, he said, Betsey didn't
you look the children's heads this NOR
ningi'
80 be sure / did, replied the tidy
mairon, and l didn't End single one
ifs,em.
There did you hear tha,f' said the
farmer. my wife says she's looked
the children's heads this morning, and
didn't find single one in 'em, and 80
think we have no occasion for your
services.
SIS your wife phrenologist said
the traveller, with some surprise.
Il don't know whether she's free
knowledgeiss or NOT said the farmer |;
but sne's knowledge Of some things
can tell you; she knows how to keep
the children's heads clean.