Herald of the times. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1830-1846, 1835-10-29
Brooks, Letters.
Correspondence Of the Portland .4dreriiser.
THINGS IN ENGLAND.
No. vi.

There is one thing beyond desert ption
ANNOYING to an American traveller-a
perfect nuisance, when he first enters
England, and ever while he is in the king
dom, for whom his previous habits oltrav-
clling at home have never educated him,
as is the case with the people Of the con-
tinent; and that most annoying Of all
things is, that he never knows when his
bills are paid, such is the universal Gus
tom amounting to law, Of feclng every
form and description Of servants. / had
heard much of this-but l had no idea of
the extent to which il was carried, and
the variously curious ways in which it
manifests itself The truth is, England
is divided into two great classes-the big
plunderers and the little plunderers, with
a various corps of rangers between-and
the chief difference between the two is,
that the big plunderers legally plunder the
little on magnificent scale, and the little
plunderers revenge themselves as well as
they can on little scale, making up in
Ingenuity what they want in law. The
big plunderers are the nobility or the aris-
tocracy, and the little plundcrers are their
servants and the servants Of others
Hence there is a constant war among
them, and hence the great origin Of par
ties in England, the little plunderers hav-
ing an immense majority of numbers,
which avals them nothing, as they can
not use it, and the great plunderers hav-
ing an immense majority of the wealth,
with almost all the landed interest and
the church at their disposal. Bearing
these facts in mind, an American when
he lands upon the English coast will move
along very harmoniously. He must ex-
pect to endure perpetual vexations unless
he lays in large stock of good temper
and If he is wise he will attempt no re-
forms, but give in cheer(ully to all the
customs he finds. The fact is, the SER
wants have no other way Of living, and
they ought to plunder. They are very
excusable. A porter,.a as he calls himself,
bringsa portmanteau down stairs, and tips
his hat, and cries "don't forget the por-
ter, sir"-and another hands it up two
feet to the guard of the coach-(a most
useless animal with two legs, in a red
coat, that the English perch up in back
seat of their coaches, and make their
horses haul)-and then this second por-
ter repeats the cry Of "don't forget the
porter, sir''-to which if you demur, he
adds, "this is the way get my living, sir ,
Walters, one certainly,-two or three,
perhaps-rush to the door as the coach
rcpares to 90 away, and these must be
settled with-and then there is the cham
bermaid, and humble parsonage who
calls himself"the boots," which in A
merican English means the boot-blacker.
When you change the coachman, which
is twice or thrice in twenty-four hours, he
expec cts his fee; and last Of all, comes
that good for nothing animal called the
guard, asking for has fee. Wherever you
eat, the waiter is to be paid; and to such
an extent is this carried, that my hand al
most involuntarify rushes into my pocket
whenever one even casts his yes towards
me. have heard good story of an A
merican, who, when he first landed after
summons or two from some of the SER
wants, called all together and ranged
them, beginning with the chambermaid; !;
then parading the walters, the boots, the
por,ers, and the ostler, in regular pla-
toon, and as they all claimed pay for
something, he gave them hearty cursing
for their impudenco, and then departed,
much to their astonishment, Of course :.
This custom Of feeling prevails wherever
you go, whether on land or on water
Where there are no porters and cham
bermaids, stewards and cabin boys take
their places. As the masters plunder
the servants out Of their wages, or what
is worse, make the servant, as they often
do, buy his place, the servant must Of
necessity plunder wheresoever he can.
Whenever you demonstrate, the answer
is, 1--WE have no wages" Indeed, no one
can calculate upon his expenditures or
his bargains. If he enters n coach, he
knows not how many there are to fee u
bout it; or if he enters boat, even if the
bargain is made, he knows not how much
il will cost him when he escapes.
Ihave dealtthus long on these matters,
not so much because they are money
matters ms to show the American reader
something Of the men and manners in
England. They exhibit picture OF So
ciety. When we are called ingenious
in extortion, the answer with truth can
be, no people in this equal the English
The cunningist Yankee on peddling
voy age is far, very far behind the hang
ers-on Of an English coach Office, or an
English coachman, in all the devises OF
extortion. But there is another point ol
view which make these facts yet more
interesting. The observing man must