Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1834-09-10
aMY SYSTEM OF PHILOSOPHY"

There is nOtnlng In heaven OF edItii ho' uSot
ed of in my Philosophy.
have invented new system of Philosophy,
and am happy to announce to the pubic the
complete satisfactory termination OF my laoors
on this subject first modelled it ten years ago.
have fulfilled to the letter the injunction OF the
ancient poet, Horatius Flaccus, namely, 10 keep
nv work nine years before publishing. In the
mean time it has received all the reviews reVi-
sions. alterations, amendments, ana improve.
ments. that human ingenuity couiu SusSo'' 70
devise 1t is now perfect
have given this system the name OF Phreno-
dontology, a name derived from three Gfeeh
words, signifying the mind, tootn, ana tile
word or doctrine Il explain tor the oeneill oi
the unlearned, as this system is OF universal ap
plication) sPhrenodontology," therefore, means
the doctrine Of the mind in connection with the
teetb-and not, as some trfling mind would IN
terpret it. Gin the teeth of Phrenology" Inns
svstemis not in the teeth of Phrenology. II does
away, entirely, Phrenoloy, Materialism IDEAL
ism. Scepticism, and all other similar Vdnltes'
1 The questions will not be asked" Are you
Phrenodontologist?" Are you disciple OF
the great Dr. GIanzknecht, the father OF Phre-
nodontology?" "Doy you believe in Phrenodon-
tology?' 1t may possibly be asked in the wlIdS
of Ethiopia, "Have you heard Of the Syste'nF"
But even this will soon cease 10 require an an.
swer. Every body will know, every BODY Will
believe, every body will practice it. IS con
sequently, far beyond the reach OF criticism OF
satire
perceive the reader is impatient 10 know
more of this truly wonderful science One IN
slant more and will commence some account
of il But first wish to lake notice OF an OBJ
lection to the name have given lt-an ooJec-
ton to the name, observe, gentle reader 10
the name, and not to the science. Some MINDS
of little thought end slow observation have re-
marked, that from the similarity OF the name
Phrenodontology might be confounded Win
Phrenoogy If there be any, who, upon second
thought, come to such a conclusion, let lhetii
read the tenth sentence in this article, ana DC
convinced that their conclusion is Incorrect
Now for the doctrines:
| First. The mind Of man is situated in, and
deyelooed upon. his teeth. Here the question
| arises-ss w hat is the mind?" | answer, the
! compound of all mental and moral qualities,
| nronensities and sentiments. This is evident,
| for. if il be asked; "What is the compound OF
all mental and moral qualities, propenslties, ana
| sentiments" what but the MIND! any one,
| therefore, who doubts the truth of my dehnltlon
of the mind, should be placed, as soon as may
be. in the hospital for idiots, for the foundation
| of which hosptal-to be conducted upon purely
| Phrenodontological principles-l nave maze
provision Of one hundred & thirty thousand dol
| lars in nv will q wish could afford TO nave II
put in operation now; but as have NOT yet iecelV-
ed from the government of any OF the nation, OF
the earth, the pensions they will undoubtedly
award me, on the receipt and knowledge OF my
system, think the scheme impractlcable)
- The mind Of man lies in his teeth" This
proposition requires no proof. AS soon ds IL Is
stated, we perceive the utter ahsurdlty OF the
doctrine nCucated by the Phrenologists, aud
so generally believed that the brain is the seat
of the mind Iffacts, however, are required, we
can state Them The only difficulty is in select
inc from the vast mass with which we are sur
rounded. will relate circumstance winch
once happened to myself, and by which near
ly lost nv lie. 1t was about eight years ago
two years after had discovered my system
Had | lost my life before my system was
revealed to the word-but no-Tl not dwell
upon the thought.
was walking along the street, one day,
when observed man approaching me, VINO,
as ged from the shape of his face, mad re-
markable protuberance in the INTERNAL dexter
corner Of the second molar OF the lett lower
law. where is situated the organ that would
make a man q murderer. | should have avoid
ed him, had my caution been great. AS II was,
nv curiosity being well developed, approached,
and stopped him. BLESS me- SAID |, my
dear sir, will you have the kindness to let me
look at your mouth moments" HIS looks eN-
dressed what then took to be surprIle, but
what. upon recollection, am satshed must
have been demonidcdi rage and mdhce Fur
Their than this, he made me no answer put
opened his mouth in such manner as shark
would when about to bite mans head OH. i
have a thousand times since, shuddefed at the
thought of my situation at that moment 1t was
as had supposed,-the organ of murder was
horribly developed. Well, sir" said he, in
voice Of thunder, :: what is the result of your
examination Of my mouth?" A." should think
sir" was my reply, {" that you were more like
ly to have committed murder than any per,
son Of my acquaintance" What ST. salo
he {" do YOU" it is fact, sir" said |, : for
i-nI should have said more, but he gave me
such blow, that it laid me stunned upon the
pavement thus showing to all, what was per
fecty aware of before, viz. his murderous dis,
position. have never met this man since, and
have no doubt that he was murderer escap'
ed from justice My fall however, proved a
fortunate one for me, for it Knocked out one OF
my front teeth, containing the organ of avar!ce.
Before this fall, was, it must be confessed, eX-
ceedingly avaricious afterwards the propen-
sity left me entirely.
This leads me to state fact that is, proba-
bly. unknown to most of the world. Every bo-
dy has heard of the horse whom his master
chnv hnt