Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1833-06-29
GAZETTE
MLUCK'S ALL"

Some men seem born to be lucky. Happier
than kings. Fortunes wheel has Tor them no
revolutions. Whatever they touch turns to gold,
their path is paved with the philosophers stone.
At games Of chance, they have no chance, but
what is better, a certainty. They hold four suits
Of tru mps. They get windfalls without breath
stirrlng-as legacles. Prizes turn up for them
in lotteries. % the turf, their horse-an outsid-
er-aI~ays wins. They enjoy whole season
Of benefits. At the very worst, in trying to
drown themselves, they dive on some treasure
undiscovered since the Spanish Armada; or tie
their halter to hook that unseals hoard in the
ceiling. That's their luck. There is another
kind Of fortune, called i'll Luck; soill, that you
hope it will die; bu, it don't-that's my luck.
Other people keep scrap-bouks; but |, scrape.
book II Is theirs to insert bon mots, riddles, an
ecdores, carcatures. facetie Of all kinds; mine to
record mischAnces. failures, accidents, disap-
pointments-in short, as the betters say, have
alwaysa badbook. Witness a few extracts, bit
ter as the extract Of bark.
April LIST. Married On this day; in the FIRST
week Of The honeymoon, tumbled over her father
in.iaw's beehives! He has $50 bees; thanks to
me he is now able to check them. Some OF the
insects. having an account against me, preferred
to settle on my calf. Others s"armed on my
hands. My bald head seemed perfect hum.
ming top! Two hundred and fifty Two stings-
II should be "st,ngs-and arrows Of outrageous
fortuue!' But that's nv luck. Rushed bee
biind into the nurse pond, and torn om 6y Tiger,
the house dog. Staggered incontinently into The
pig sty, and collared by the sow-sus. per coll,
for kicking her suckngs; recommended oil for
my wounds, aud none but lamp ditto in the house;
relieved Of the stings at last-what luck! ny 252
operations.
9th Gave my adored Belinda black eye IN
the open street. aiming at lad who attempted
to snatch her reticuie. Belinda's part taken by
a big rascal, as deaf as post, who wanted to
fight me "for striking wumau." My luck
again.
18th. Purchased mare, warranted so gentle
lady might ride her, aud, indeed, no animal
could be quieter, except the leather one, former
" in the show room, at Exeter Change. Meant
for the first time to ride with Belinda to the Park
put my foot into the siirrup, and found himself
on my back instead Of the mares. Other men
are thrown by their horses, but saddle does 1t
for me. Well, nothing 50 hard as my uck-un-
less it be the fourth flag or stone from the post
at the north corner of Harley street.
l4th. Run down in wherry BY coal brig,
Of Greenwich. but pro,ilentia.y picked up by
steamer, that burst her boiler directly after
wards. Saved to be scalded! But misfortunes
with me never caue single, from my very child.
hood. remember when my little brothers and
sisters tumbled down stairs, they Away. hitthed
bait way at the angle. My luck invariably turn
ed the corner. 1t could not bear TO bate me
single bump.
18TH Had my eye picked out by a paviour,
who VAS aring his way, he didn't care where
Sent home IN a hackney chariot that upset.
Paid Jarvey sovereign for shilling. My luck
all over!
1st of May. My aue on fire. Not sweep
to be had for love or money! for nae-the parish
engine soon arrived, with all the charity school.
Boys are fond of playing-and INDUCED their pro-
pensity by playing into my best drawing room -
Every friend had dropped into dinner. Nothing
but Lacedenonian black broth. Others have pot.
luck. but have not even piut.luck-at least oil
the night sort.
9Th. Found, on getting up, that the kitchen
garden had been stripped by thieves. but had
the luck at night to catch some one in the garden,
by walking into my trap. Afraid to call out. for
fear of being shot at BY the gardener, who would
have hit me to dead certainty for such is my
luck!
10Th. Agricultural distress is a treat to
mine. NV old friend Bill must henceforth
call him Corn. Bill--has, this morning, laid his
unfeel,ns wooden leg on my tenderest toe. like
a ,hresher. In spite If D'bdn. don't believe
that oak has any heart, or it "osId not be such
a walking treaduilI!
18th. Two pieces Of "my usual" FIRST knock.
ed down by mad bull. Sc condly,. picked up
BY piek-pocket Any body bu, me would have
fround one honest humane man out of the whole
CT ovid; but am born to suffer, whether done by
accident or done BY design. Luckily for me aud
the pck.pocket, Twas able to identify him, bound
over to prosecute, and had the satisfaction of ex
porting him to Botany Bay. lsuppose perfor.
Encore umcoup!''-I had a summons to serve With
a Middlesex jury, at the Old Bailey, Tor a fort
night.
l4th. My number in the lottery has come upa
capital prize. Luck at last-if had not lost
the ticket.