Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1833-07-27
RARE SPORT.

The Barber of Dunse, from Scottish Journal.
A gentleman, possessing an uncommon share
of wit and humor, had occasion to lodge, for the
night, in company with some friends, at the inn
of a town which, for certain reasons. we shall
denominate Dunse. Requiring the services OF a
barber, he was recommended to Walter Dron-
who was represented as not onl y skilled in that
profession, but excellent at cracking joke, or tell.
ing story. This functionary being forthwith
intr oduc ed, made such display OF his oral and
manual dexterity, as to leave on the mind. as
well as the body of the customer, very favora-
bile impression, and induced the latter to invite
him TO sit down to friendly glass. The circu-
laton of the bottle served to show off the barber
in his bappest mood, and the facetious gentleman,
amid the general hilarity, thus addressed him.
SHOW, Waite, engage to give you guinea,
Oh the following terms: that you leap backwards
aud forwards over your chair, tor the space OF
half an hour-leisurely yet regularly-crying
out at every leap, here goes |, Waite Dron,
barber Of Dunse;' but that, should you utter any
thing else during the time, you forfeit the re-
ward"
Waite, though no doubt surprised at the alb
surdty Of the proposal, yet, considering how ca
silly he could earn the guinea, and the improba-
bity that such an opportunity would ever again
present itself, agreed to the stipulations. The
watch was set, and the barber, having stripped
of his coat, leaning with one head on the back Of
the chair, commenced lesping over the seat, uni.
formly repeating. in an exulting, tone, the words
prescribed. After matters had gone on thus
smoothly for about five minutes, the gentleman
runy the bell, and thus accosted the wa'ter:--
What il the reason, sir, YOU insult me ty send
ing mad fellow like that, instead OF proper
barber, as you pretended he WASP" Barber
(leaping.)-" Here goes l, Waite Dron, barber
of Dunse." Waiter" Oh, sir, don't know
what is the matter; never saw him in this way
in nv life; Mr.. Dron. Mr.. Dron, what do you
mean" Barber Here goes [, Wattie-."
Waiter" Bless me, Mr.. Dron, recollect these
are gentlemen; how can you make such fool OF
yourselii" Barber" Here goes l. p
Landlord, (entering in haste - What the de-
vii, sir, is all this? The fellow is mad. How
dare you insult gentlemen in my house by such
conduct" Barber" Here goes Waite
Dron, -"
Landlord" say. Bob, run for his wife,
for this can't be put up with. Gentlemen,
the man is evidently deraused, and | hope
you will not let my house be injured. in any
way, BY this businesss' g Here soes"--(wife
pushing in" Oh! Wat,'e, Waffle what's this
that's some over ye? Do you no ken yer fair
wife,, Barber Here goes -" Wife.
(weepne, -" Oh, Waite, Waite, if We care
ma for me, mind your BARNS at hame. and come
ava VII me-" Barber" Here goes |, Wat"
The afflicted wife now clasped her husband round
the neck, and hung on him 40 as eHectuaily as to
arrest his further progress Much did poor Wat
tie struggle to shake of his loving, but unwel-
come spouse, but it was now g no so"-his gal
loping was at an end. ''CoDfound you for an
ideot," he bitterly exclaimed. 81 never could
win guinea 80 easy, in all my life" II is only
necessary to add, that the explanation which i'm
mediateiy followed was much more satisfactory
to mine host than the barber's better hall, and
that the gentleman restored Waite TO his usual
good hu@or, by generously rewarding bis exer-
tons with the wsIl-earued guinea"