Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1833-10-18
SPECULATIVE PHILANTHROPY.
tn n. Ed;,o, If the N.w York Courier.

To the Editor of the NeU FORK CouTteF.
lam an old fashioned practical man. and when
I retired from busioess some deZen years since,
imagined myself 10 possession oil ample means
to educate nv children, and afford them, as well
as myself, all the reasonable comforts anu en-
ioymepts of life. But find reckoned WIN
out nv host, or rather that did NOT possess
that spirit Of foresight which enables ionser
heads than mine to anticipate Inc future anu sec
a great way into mill stones. l did not ea'cu'
late on the rapid development OF m'nu anu ."e
progress of the age, which has ihaue u aoso'u'
IL incumbent on every man who wishes 10 es-
cane the disgrace of being considered years be-
hind the spirit of the age, TO meet certain ne"s
of expenditure unknown to the dark ages. But
am interrupted BY a lady calling ON pressing ou'
siness.
Well, Sir, | have despatched the lady. She
came to solicit my aid in building church some.
where in the valley Of the Mississippi, tor the pur'
pose of converting the people OF that quarter 10
Christianity. why, my dear madam, said |,
II thought they where Oh i,tlans already" "on
no. nv dear Sir. they are all Roman Catholics.
/ The argument was irresistible, and became
builder of churches for the conversion OF the
/ Catholics. Really, Colonel, this is becoming
mute oppressive, aud-But old Pomp comes
TO tell me there is another lady on pressing 6u-
siness, and you must excuse me tor moment
Well Colonel-thls lady brought me paper
signed bv a good number Of those charitable
people who. like GoIdsmi,h's man in black. al
ways make it point 10 60 round win their hat
but never put any thing IN and do all their chart
~, as Kings marry by proxy. 1t was an invo'
cation to something in the way OF converting the
Ilindoos. who, | was assured. were the most
barbarous race in the world, and as ignorant
L.. thax, aoI nIt
the absurd penances Of the old primitive ages,
but actually considered it sin TO kill and eat
| chickens, ,urkies, and buIIocks. These fla
grant instances of barbarism and Pagan super
| sutton touched me to the quick, aud being
satisfied that man cannot be good christian
without killing and eating all sorts OF animals.
opened my heart and became builder OF church
es to convert the HindOos. Another lady! Old
Pump begins to look as it he had great incii.
nation to laugh at me, If he dared.
| She cane with a project for converting the
Jews Now am great devolee Of pork grisk-
ings, spare ribs and Virginia hams, and being
convinced that religion which prohibits these
glorious dishes must be idUlatrous, came down
manfully and became builder Of churches for
converting the Jews. But really, Colonel. such
perpetual drains would reduce even a broker TO
poverty, and from this hour. am resolutelv de.
termlned to pu! my hands in my packets and bid
d, fiAnce t" '-ma- al,urements. Indeed il is high
time. fur-But here comes old Pomp again, grin.
ming like chess board-the impudent rogue!
Another lady with another project for civil
izing and converting the Hotteptots. She spec
Oily convinced me they were my brothers. and
that they very much wanted CivIliZing and chris
tianizing, seeing that they lived most savageIy
innocent iie were ignorant Of letters. never even
read Peter Farley. and knew nothing about sha
wing notes, or making proper advantage of their
superior ssgaciry. Moreover. there was not a
'errinry br rrggar among thrm. These crying
proof, oyercame me. and [ became a builder of
churches for converting the Hottentuls. Another
lady!
But should never have done were to boast of
Ihls mornings work. Suffice il to say, as.
sisted in building churches fnr the conversion of
Christian, Mahometan, Pagan, aud Jew, in all
parts OF the known world-in Europe, Asia. AZ.
RIGA aud America--in the East Indies ard the
West-'n AbyssInIa, Madagascar, Ncomedia,
Patagonia, Cappadocia. Pontus. Phrysia. Poly
nesla, Tasmania, New South Wales, so that if
they are not converted il will not be my fault
wash my hands of them.
AS arm aware that il is difficult to ATTEMPT an
exposition of the excuses of a good principle,
without Incurring the imputation of being an en-
envy 10 the principle Itself, shall anticipate the
charge tor the purpose OF offering few expIana.
uoDs. IL becomes no man to boast of his morals
or his religion, and therefore shall content nv
sell, with simple declaration, that | consider
the latter in It's pure and primitive nationality as
the MODEST beneaction OF Heaven to mankind
| am unalterablv convinced of its truths, being
oil opinion that nothing but divine origin and |
support would have enabled it to bear up'asainst
the abuses and crimes. and. perversions Of inter
ested, mistaken or mischievous men in all ages
But at the same time, cannot but look it'll |
doubt and suspicion on these perpetual attempts
to divert the course Of that charity and benevo. !
ience Tor which there is such an ample sphere at
nome from our country men and neighbors, to
the remotest regions of the earth. No one doubts
that there is more than efficient claims among US
and under our own eyes, calling for all we can
spare. Ii is impossible to relieve every BODY
and to dissipate these means over the whole cir.
cumierence of the globe, among strangers of
whom we know nothing, and that through the
hands of irresponsible agents Of whose characters