Vandalia Whig and Illinois intelligencer. [volume] (Vandalia, Ill.) 1832-183?, 1833-05-08


and married her; but in sudden passions there Is
esteem You are ashamed, you are AFRAID OF III
dulging them to their full extent; you feel that as
yet you the dupe if not of Others at least oyour
own senses, and the very knowledge of the excess
puts you on your guard lest you should be betrayed
by it. said nothing in answer to the widows sug-
gestion, but suffered her to suppose from my man
ner that it might have its effect left the house,
after amicabe compromise. On my part ! en-
gagged not to address Julia myselfany more. On tine
widows part she promised that on applying to her,
she would suffer me at any time to see Julia even
alone,
| For the next two days had sharp contest with
myself. Could |, with love still burning in my veins
consent to renounce my Julia! Yet could consent
to deprive her of that holy and respected station she
had it in her power to hold to pursue my suit, to
compsh its purpose in her degradation! A third
choice left mel should obey her sisters hint,
prefer marriage?-Marriage with one beautiful IN
deed simple, amiable, but without birth education;
without sympathy with my self in single thought
habit?-be the fool of my own desire, and pur-
chase what | had the sense TO feel must be dis
contented and ill-mated life for the worship
of external qualities. Yet, yet,-in a word, felt as
/ if could arrive at no decision for myself. remem-
bered old friend and adviser of my youh,-to
him then resolved to apply for counsel.
John Mannering is about sixty years of age; he is
of mild temper, of great experience, of kindly
manners, and of morality which processes to be
practicable rather than strict He had guided
from many in the earlier part Of my life, but
he had impressed no clear principle on my mind in
order to guide myself. Ills own virtue was without
system, the result of good heart, though not
dent one and mind which did not aspire beyond
certain elevation,-not from the want of clear
sense, but of enthusiasm. Such as he was, he was
the best adviser knew of for he among the few
who sympathise with your feelings well your
interest. With him conversed long and freely. His
advice was obvious--to renOunce Julia. | went
home, reasoned with myself; | sat down and began
twenty letters; tore them all ind rage. could not
help picturng to my mind Julia pining and in de-
spar, and in affecting to myself to feel only for her,
compassionateG my own situation. At length Love
prevailed ALL resolved to call on the widow,
request permission TO be allowed to visit Julia at
her house, and without promising marriage, still to
lpay her honorable courtship, with the view of acer-
tanning if our tempers and dispositions congen-
al hearts. Ifancied such proposition seemed
erceedingy reasonable and common sense like. !
shut my eyes to the consequences, and knowing how
malleable is the nature of woman in youth, pleased
myself with that notion which has deceived many
vsonaries that should be able perfect her educa-
ton, and that after few years travel on the con-
tinent, might feel as proud Of her mind as was
Inow transported with her person. Meanwhile, how
tempting was the compromise with my feelings!
should her!-converse with her live in the at
i mosphere of her presence.
7 The next day called on the sister; whose dark
shrewd eye sparkled at my proposition. All was ar
ranged saw Julia! What delight beamed in her
face: With what smiles and tears she threw herself
4 And now called every day, and every day I saw
JulIa; but after the first interview, the charm war
broken! saw with new eyes! The sister, CONNER
cial to the backbone of her soul, delighted in
deed, at the thought of the step in life her sister was
to make: Julia evidently impressed by the wild
owls Joy, and visions of spendor evidently mngles,
with those of love.--What more natural! Love-
perhaps, predomnated over all; but was it possible
that, in young and imaginative mind, the worldly
vanites should be wholly dormant! Yet it was ma
tura, also, that my suspicion should be reused that
should fear that was deceived, that might have
lbee2 led on to this step,-that what had seemed ma
ture in JULIA really art!
/ looked in her face and its sunny and beautiful
canlor treasured me-but the moment afterwards
the thought forced upon me again-l recalled also
the instances had ever known of unequal marrag e
and | fancied | saw unhappiness in all-it seemed
to me, in all, that the superior had been papably
lduped. Thus GOODNESS inseusibly crept over the
wonted ardor OF my manner, and instead of that
blessed thoughtessness, that eysan credulity, with
which lovers should give themselves up to the trans
port OF the hour, and imagine that each the centre
OF all perfection, became restless and yigilant-for
lever sitting motives and diving deeper than tho
sweet surface of the present time. NV mind thus in
fuenced---he delusion that conceals all faults and
uncongeniaties gradually evaporated---l noted a
thousand things in Julia that made me start at the
notion OF seeing her become my wife. So long as
marriage had not entered into my views---so long
those faults had not touched me-had passed unheed,
ed;- saw her now with other eyes. When sought
in her love and beauty Alone, contented to ask no
more. AT present sought more; she was to become
the companion Of life, and was alarmed---nay |
exaggerated the petty causes of my displeasure an
lnelegance Of eXpression-a negligence of conven-
tiona formsfretted and rritated me in her far more
than they would have done in one of my own station
| When love first becomes reasonable it soon after
wards grows unjust did not scruple communicate
to Julia all the little occurrences of the day or little
points in her manner, that had annoyed me land
found that she did not take my suggestions mild and
lguared as they were, in manner thought had
a right to expect. She had been accustomed to see
me enamoured of her Hghtest word or gesture---she
was not prepared to end me cavilling and re-
lproving ;-her face, always ingenious evinced at
once her modification at the change. She thought
me always in the wrong, wearisome, exacting and
unjust. She never openly resented---a first merely
pouted out her pretty lip and was silent for the next
half hour; but, by degrees, my beautiful Julia be-
gan to evnce traces of "spirit'a spirit not indeed
unemnine, and never loud---a spirit of sorrow
rather than anger | was ungenerous (she said)---
had never required all this before then She
Iwept:---and that went to my heart and was not
satisfied with myself till she smiled again. But il was
easy to perceive that from taking pleasure in each
others society grew by degrees to find embarrass
ment; 1.-THE fear OF quarrel, discomfort and GER
tain pain supplying the place Of eager and all-ab-
sorbing rapture; and when looked to the future I
trembled. In word---l repeat once more---THc
charm cas gone"
Oh, epoch in the history of human passions.