The Rhode-Island Republican. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1809-1841, 1833-11-19


of the parish--l was decidedly popular
and the name of Smith was always
breathed with blessing or commen-
dation. My wife adored me-; no won
der therefore, that ut my demise she e.
rected monument to my memory. and
designated herself, in all the lasting
durability of marble, my "inconsolable
widow" had presentiment that !
should not be long lived, but this rather
increased my thirst for popularity; and
feeling the improbability Of my living
very long in the sight Of Mrs. Smith aud
my many dear friends, was the more
anxious to live in their hearts. Nothing
could exceed my amiability-n,y life
was one smile, my ayings were conci-
liatory, my doings benevolent, my ques-
tons endeuring, my answers affirmative.
I was. determined that my will, unlike
most wills, should be satisfactory to ev-
cry body. ! silently studied the wants
and wishes of those around me, and !
endeayored TO arrange my leavings so
that each Iegatee should hereafter breathe
my name with blessing, and talk 7" Of
that dear good fellow Smith," always at
The same time having recourse to poe
ket handkerchief perpetually sat
for my picture, and I gave my resem-
bInnces to all the dear friends who were
:. hereafter to receive ''the benefit Of my
dying"
| So far ! have confined my narrative
TO the humdrum probabilities Of every
day life what have now to relate may
strike some Of my readers as less proba-
} bic, but nevertheless, it is not one jot
4 the less true. Iwas anxious not only 20
attain q degree Of popularity which
should survive my brief existence, pam
ted to witness that popularity unseen
70 see the tears that would lament my
death. Where 10 the advantage of be-
ling lamcnted If one cannot hear the la
lamentations +? But how was this privi-
lcge to be attained /? Alas attained il
was but the means shall never be di-
'ulged to my readers. Never shall an
other Mr.. Smith. self-satisied and ex-
ulting in his popularity. be taught by me
Ito see what have seen, to feel what ]
have felt. e
had peruscd St Leon l therefore
knew that perpetually renovated youth
had been sought and had been bought.
/ had read Frankenstein, and had been
that wonders, equally astonishing and
supernatural, had been attained : by
mortals, I wanted to watch my own
weepcrs, nod at my own plumes, count
Imy mourning coaches, aud read with
Imy own eyes the laudatory paragraph
THAT announced my own demise in the
country newspaper. Igained l my point,
IL did all This, and more than this bu,
| l would not advise any universally nd.
mired gentleman and fondly idolized
husband to follow my example. What
devilish arts / used what spells, wha'
conjurations, never will I reveal suf.
fee it to say that l attained the objoc,
Of my desires. Two peeps was to have
at those left behind me,-one exactly
a month after my demise, the second on
that day ten years 4
And now for the result of peep the
first. 4
In some degree my thirst for posthu
nous popularity was certainly grat,fied
and will begin with the pieasantest
part Of my own post mortem cxamina-
tion." .
My own house Tor rather the house
that had been mine) looked dolsful O.
nough no mirth, no guests, no music ;
the servants in deep mourning, AID a
hatehment over the door. My own wife
Tor rather my relict) was a perfect pic
ture Of misery and mourning, in the ex-
trcme of the fashion. She heaved the
deopes, sighs that ever we're seen. The
: depth other despondency was truly graz
tifying. Her cap WINS most conscien-
ltiously hideous, and beneath its folds
every hair upon her head lay hid. She
Twas moving mass of crapc and bonn