Martinsburg gazette and public advertiser. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1826-1833, 1833-08-01
SUICIDE ALMOST.

Love, as well as matrimony, in its con.
summation, IS "a ticklish thing. How
many Tools has it made out OF the race
OF our common parents; who even in
thelrprlstinc purity, through its inhu-
ence, gave birth to the first sin. A
man in love is man beside HIMSELF his
idol can make him believe that the
moon is made Of green cheese, and
that he himself is as green as the cheese
is. lie sings merriiy the old song
"What care Ihow brown she be,
As long as She be fair TO mes'
Mr.. Jeremiah Swipcs entered an apo
thecafy's store a few nights since, with
pale, haggard, and wo-begone coun-
tenance; and after three or four heavy.
signs asked young man behind the
counter if he had any "poison."
eyes, SIT" was the reply, eve have
variety of poisons."
"Well---fllthis ere bottle with laud-
anum--rm sick--and want some pi
son. Oh, my hearth
The last ejaculation somewhat as
founded the apothecary, and rather put
him on his guard, for the wo. bcgone APP
pearance of Jeremiah was well calcu-
lated to excite suspicion; he therefore
filled the phial with colored water, and
handed it TO his customer.
"Will this do the businessl" asked
Swipes, shaking the mixture and look.
ing volumes OF despair.
81 think it will" replied the young
man, 81 have never known il to fail
yet, even in the most desperate cases
of your complaint, which appears to be
detir{ion pettieootium."
sob, sir--I will take it all, ane-----
here's a quarter dollar--ndieu, SIR"
The young wag, determining 10 see
the effect of his new nostrum, followed
the desperate lover through a number
of streets, until they reached a rickcty
old building in -, which had from
time immemorial borne rather doubt
full character. Jeremiah knocked at
the door, which was soon opened by q
sturdy looking wench, who, if she did
not, as Byron has, walked in beauty's
light "---at least walked in the light Of a
two cent candle, which she held rather
gracelessly in her hand.
"Oh, SUSAN" exclaimed jeremiah
Swipes, drawing his hand across his
eyes, 81 have to bid you long and last
farewell. This ERE bottle what I've
got in my hand holds the stuff that
will unite time and eternity. told
you-you treated me so cruelty, that
meant to take poison"
"Take it and be-" replied Sir
san, snubbing up her beautiful nose
"but before youdo think YOU d bette
settle up your score with tie wido,
for six weeks board and 10 dying
washing in the bargain"
ssBut, Susan, won't you bav.
"Youl-ha,-ha! why, Pdv VAL h.r aalc'
all the days o'my life nd d 4 0S = :
the lms.house afore r,d -, a's IN ). =
"Then the things s. i Ia, ave : YOU yDu.n,
jeremiah; "behold III the v;st; oaHe ,
your cruelty" 14
Suiting the act Ga 70 ,be xord ;
e,vaIlau,cd a. W thc worn, ~
swaiowea tne Contents of the phial
ana iaid down or. the pavement, as h
expressed !. ito sleep the sleep o
death, VIM ~ the relentless fair slam
med the 40 or and retired "to sleep, per
chance, to dream.7
we 5iave not as yet heard ola coro
ner fnquest overthe body ofMr. Jere
miab sswipes, or verdict Of ssdied 0
too much love'--and we trust III,
foresight lore Of the he ape..iaecary has giyer
nun nun, 20 learn "a. "a, there are as many
sooo ash. IN the sea, as ever wer'
caught out Of it.'-BaA. Eisiter,