Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1833-10-28

Bile monumeut: female figure IS represented IN
an attitude of despair, weeping over on urn,
and on that urn is the following inscription:
SACRED
to the Memory
ANTHONY SMITH. Esq,
OF Smithton Hall,
who departed this life
On the Isl Of April, 1925.
The intesrity Of his conduct ADD the AVAILABILITY OF
his temper, eadeared him
to wide circle Of friends:
He has left an inconsolabe Widow,
and by her
this Monument is erected"
The gentle reader may now pretty we'll un-
derstand my position when alive; popularity had
ALWAYS been my aim. and my wealth and situa-
ton in society enabled me to attain what so
ardently desired. At county meetings-at the
head of nv own table-among the poor OF the
parish-I was decidedly popular, and the name Of
Smith was always breathed with blessing or
commendation My wife adored me; 90 won.
der. therefore, that at nv demise she erected a
monument to my memory, and designated her
self, in all the lasting durability OF marble,
INV inconsolable widow. | had a presentiment
that should not be long lived, but this rather
increased nv thirst for popularity; and feeling
the iuprobabity of nv living very long IN the
sight of Mrs. Smith and my many dear friends,
/ was the more anxious to live in their hearts:
Nothing could exceed my amiabilily,-my lille
was one smile, my sayings were concIliaf0ry, my
doiuss benevolent. my questions endearing, my
answers affirmative. was determined that my
will, unlike most wills, should be satisfactory to
eyerv body. l silently studied the wants and
wishes of those around me, and endeavoured to
arrange nv leavihss SO that each legaiee should
hereafter breath my name with a blessing, and
talk Of that dear good fellow Smith, always at
the same time having recourse to pocket
handkerchief. Iprepetually sat for my picture,
and gave my resemblance to all the dear friends
who were hereafter TO receive 1.-THE benefit OF
nv DIVING"
So far | have confined my narrative to the
humdrum probabilities of everyday life; what
! have new 10 relate may strike some of my rea-
ders a, less probable, but, nevertheless, ii Is
no, one lot the less true. was anxious not on
Iy TO attain a degree of popularity which should
survive nv brief existence, but painted to ~itness
that popularity; unseen to see the tears that
won!d be shed,-unheard to mingle with the
mute mousners who would Lament my DEATH
Where is the advantages of being lamented it
one cannot hear the lamentations But how was
tins privilege to be attained! Alas! attained it
was; but the means shall never be divulged to
nv readers. Never shall another Mr. Smith,
self. satisfied and exulting in his popularity. be
taught by me to see what | have seen, to feel
what have felt -
had pursued st. Leon; therefore knew that
perpetual renovated youth had been sought and
had been bought. | bad read Frankenstein,
and had seen that wonders, equally astonishing
and supernatural, had been attained by mortals
wanted to watch my own weepers, nod at my
own plunes, count my own mournlng-coaches,
and read with NV own eyes the laudatory para
graph that announced my own demise ia the
country newspapers. gained my point,-l
did all this, aud more than this; out | would
not advise any universally admired gentleman
and fundlv iudalized husband to follow my ex.
ample What devil,,h arts used, what spells,
what COMPUTATIONS, never will reveal; suffice
it to say that attained the object of my desires.
Two peeps was TO have at those left behind
me,-one exactly month after my denise, the
second Gu that day ten years!
Aud now for the result OF peep the first.
In some degree nv thirst for posthumous po.
puIsrity was certainly gratified; and l will begin
with the piesSantest part OF my own "post NOR
TEN examination"
NV own house Tor rather the house that had
been minel looked duleful enough: no mirth, no
guests, no music; the servants in deep mourning,
and a hatrhment over the door. My own wife
(oc rather nv relic0 was perfect picture OF MI
sery aud mourning, in the extreme OF the fash
ion she heaved the deepest sishs, she was
trimmed with the deepest Grape, and wore the
deepest hens that ever were seen. The depth
OF her dependency was truly gratifying. Her
cap was most conscientionsly hideous, and be-
meath its folds every hair upon her head lay hid.
She was moving mass Of Grape and bombazlne.
In her right hand was a pocket handkerchief. in
her left a smelling bottle, and in her eve tear.
She was close,ed with gentleman. but il was no
rival-nothing to arouse one jealous Pang in the
bosom OF departed husband. 1t was, in fact,
a marble masonic meeting She was giving d.
rections about my monument and putting her
self into the attitude Of lamentation in which
she wished to be represented and is represent.
ed bending over my urn: she burst into tor
rent of tears. and in scarce articulated accents
called. for her " sainted Anthony" When she
came little to herself. she srumbied somewhat