The Rhode-Island Republican. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1809-1841, 1833-01-08
THE HISTORY OF
Uncle Sam and his Woman
kind.
BY J. X. Paulding.
Too.I,<yoI


The time being come, they all appear
ei in their best bibs and fuckers, in the
presence of the old lady, who had thrown
open the great hall of the union and
made up her mind for the first time since
she was married, to listen instead of
talk. Uncle Sam kept at an awful dis
tance, for he had heard enough about
this matter to serve him all the rest of
his life. Being requested to speak ac-
cording to their respective ages, and not
interrupt each other, Miss Virginia OPP
ened the case.
She was moderate, didactic, and met
aphysical, but on the whole, made very
respectable figure on the occasion; and,
as she had right to do, (being the ell
dest sister,) gave the young baggages a
great deal Of good advice about the obey
ing their parents, loving each other with
n sisterly affection, and preserving the
family union. But when she came to this
part Of her speech, little Garry could
stand it no longer, bus interrupted her
in great passion.
"Union," said she, "marry come up !!
l should like to know what get by the
family union, but cuffs instead of cop
pers ? See here, / have calculated the
value of union to fraction, and find
that have lost six and eight pence of
my pocket money by it already.
Then she showed her calculation,
which would have puzzled Mr.. Bow.
ditch himself, for she knew no more
about ciphering than the man in the
moon.
"Well, my dear Carry" said Miss
York, with her usual good nature, ''sup-
pose you have lost six and eight pence,
what then E! You have only to stay at
home next summer instead of travelling
about as you do every season, and you'll
save ten times as much. Now do be a
good girl. do Garry, and mind wha, your
parents say to YOU"
"I'll tell you what, sister," replied
Miss Garry, "you'd better 60 and look
to your oyster beds and let me alone"
And then she fell to calculating the
value Of the family union again but
happening to miss figure or two, she
made out her losses to be so great, that
she almost fell into Mysteries. 1 ought
to have mentioned, in the beginning Of
this true history, that after Uncle Sam
had been argued out Of his lands IN the
manner ] formerly stated, he grew so
poor, that each Of the girls who had
come in for share Of the family spoils,
was obliged to pay her proportion Of the
expenses of housekeeping.
When Miss Virginia had got through,
Miss Massy Twoshoes replied, and talk
ed a great deal about the old story of
spinning-jennie and weaver's beams.
But as this is worn-out topic, ] shall
refer to the seventeen thousand volumes
OF documents, reports, addresses, spec
ches, &c. that have been perpetrated on
the subject. She concluded by giving
poor little Garry lecture on disobedience
to her parents, but she got as good as
she gave, for the little brunette cut her
short.
"The less you say about that matter,
Miss Goody Twoshoes, the BETTER" said
she III suppose you have forgot, fer 1t
is very convenient to have a shert me-
mory sometimcs--I suppose you have
forgot when our poor old father was
fighting, not long ago, with old John
Bull, in defence Of his bacon, how you
sneaked away, and said John was in the
right, aud that your poor old father de-