Martinsburg gazette. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1833-1855, 1833-11-28
POETRY
PETER PINDARICS.

The CoLLEeIAs AND THE PORTER.
At Trim. Col Cam Which means in proper
spelling,
Trinity College, Cambridge, there resided
One Harry Dashington-a youth exeeliins
In all the learning commonly provided
For those who chose that classic station
For finishing their education
That is-hc understood computing
The odds at any race or match;
Was a dead hand at pigeon shooting;
Could kick up rows-knock down the watch
Play truant and the rake at random
Drink-tie cravats--and drive a tandem.
Remonstranoc, fine, and rustication,
So far from working reformation,
Scem'd but to make his lapses greater;
Till he was warn'd the next offence
Would have this certain consequence
Expulsion from his Alma Mater.
One need not be n necromanccr
To guess that, with so wild wight,
The next offence ocouT'd next night;
When our incurable came rolling
Home as the midnight chimes were tollng
And rang the College bell.-No answer
The second peal was vain--the third
Made the street echo its alarm;
When TO his great delight he heard
The sordid Janitor, old Ben,
Rousing and growing in his den.-
"Who's there?-I s'pose young Harem scarem !"
"Tis ], my worthy Ben-iPs Harry"
Gay, so ! thought there you'll larry.
It's past the hour-the gates are closed,
You know my orders-I shall lose
My place if | undo the door"
"And P'-(young Hopeful interposed)
"Shall be expell'd if you refuse,
So prythee"-Ben began to snore.-
"1'm wet" cried Harry, "to the skin,
Hip! halloo Beni-don't be a ninny;
Beneath the gate Fvc thrust guinea,
So trumble out and let me in.''
"Humph!" glow'd the greedy old curmudgeon,
Half overjoy'd and half in dudgeon,
"Now you may pass; but make no fuss,
On tip-toe walk, and hold your prate''
'Look on the stones, old Ccroerns,"
Cried Harry as he pass'd the gate,
''Ive dropp'd a shilling-take the light.
You'll find it just outside-good night"
Behold the porter in his shirt,
Cursing the rain which never stopp'd,
Cropping and raking in the dirt,
And all without success; but that
Is hardly TO be wondered at,
Because shilling had been dropp'd;
So he gave DER the search at last,
Regain'd the door, and found il fast
With sundry oaths and growls and groans,
He rang once-twice-& thrice, & then,
Mingled with gigeling heard the tones
OF Harry mimicking old Ben.--
who's there'-'Tis really disgrace
To ring so loud--Pve lock'd the gate
know my duty--'Tis too late
You wouldn't have me lose my place
"Psha, Mr.. Darlington; remember,
This is the middle of November.
Pm stripp'd; dis raining cats and dogs"
"Hush, hush'' quoth Hal; ''Im fast asleep"
And then he snored loud and deep
AS whole company of hogs.
"But, bark ye Ben, I'll grant admittance
At the same rate paid myself"
NAY, master, leave me half the pittance."
Replied the avarcious elf.
"No; all or none--a full acquittance;--
The terms, | know, are somewhat high;
But you have fx'd the price, not !
Iwon't take less;--l can't afford it,
So, finding all his haggling vain,
Ben with oath and groan of pain
Drew out the guinea, and restored il.
"Surely you'll give me-" growPd the out-wit ID
Porter, when again admitted,
Something, now you've done your joking
For all this trouble, time, and soaking"
ooh, surely--surely,' Harry said;
"Since, as you urge, broke your rest,
And you're half drown'd and quite undress'd
I'll give you - leave to go TO bed.'