Martinsburg gazette and public advertiser. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1826-1833, 1833-08-29

regulation as check upon overcon.
sumption; il would do more toward saw.
ing the national victual than anv OF
their fine drawn schemes for stinting dav
laborers in brats and potatoes.
1t was our fate to have one of these
two-legged prize cattle---ssa cerlait
Franklin in tho wilds of Kent" as 4
travelling sixth in the Dover coach
We took him up-or rather he wa.
heaved up by the coachman and half
a-dozen helpers, at roadside public
house somewhere between Sandwich
and Deal; and when he was up, anc
had poked forward, half way across
the inside Of the coach, his hips stuck
in the doorway, 50 that he was oblig-
ed to turn aside, before he could bring
in his rear. At length he was all in;
and down he went squashi into the only
vacant seat, between two venerable
spinster.like ladies-his bowed elbows
spreading over them in front like a
couple of Brobdignaglan sausages, and
his stupendious catastrophe tearing all
before il MS il subsided--" Mercy on
us!" cried one ofthe spinster like ven-
erables-'I declare you have torn my
gown completely out of the gathers"
"And mine tool" said the other. Gre
ally, Sir, we must get you to sit up a
little" said both. "Aye---l thought
felt something give way" grunted the
mountain OF mummy; and then, in.
stead of sitting up, as they had reques-
ted, he leaned slowly from side to side,
so as to almost smother each lady in
her turn, whilst the other was dragging
her torn gown from beneath his abom-
Unable Drawn. However all that be-
ing arranged, and room having been
made for his legs, as he called them. on
we went, but we had not gone more
than mile, when he grunted-"Can't
stand this! what Sir7--you
seem to me to be sitting!" said some
body. "Can't ride backerd--never
could" grunted taIlow-keech in reply.
Now it SO happened that directly opposite
to him sat fine bouncing dame---fat,
fair, and fifty, tightly done up in blue
braided broadcloth, overhung with a
gilt Belcher chain, almost big enough
for a chain cable, and she no sooner
heard his complaint of not being able
to stand riding backward, than she Of.
fered to change places with him-wheth-
er from sympathy with his fat, or re-
spect TO her own blue broadcloth, did
not appear. But how this exchange
Of places was to be brought about, was
the thing: to the lockers on it seemed
to be almost as easy as turning couple
of bullocks in watch. box; but as the
necessity for it was growing more
and more urgent every moment the at
tempt was made. In the first instance
they each essayed to rise like ordinary
people; but that would not do; before
the male was half up, down he went
again--squash-and they repeated the
attempt second time with no better
success. an tell you what, ma am"
grunted tallow-keech, "you'd better
catch hold of my hands," The lady |
complied; having hooked their fat fin
gers together, in the way the boys call
butchers hold, they succeeded in
housing each other up, fairly out Of
their respective seats; but in the at
tempt to turn, they miss'd stays, as il
were, and swung round, horizontally,
across the laps Of the rest OF us. Here
was pretty predicament!--ln a mo-
ment we were all mixed up together like
so many maggots in grease pot, all
trying to get the upper hand Of each |
other: the bouncing dame squalling, |
the fat fellow grunting; and all of us
sprunting with might and main, to keep
our heads above Drawn. Luckily, the
two fat ones had ga kind Of alacrity in
sinking"--their ability TO sprut being
in exact ratio TO their SUI
blubber, so that we soon
got them pretty well under; but, ne
verthelcss, there is no knowing what |
the upshot might have been, had not a |
lean and long meek d linen dealer in the !
corner, poked his head out at the win |
dow, and implored the coachman to
cried he--''coach-
mani for Heavens akestop the COACH"
Why it was to be stopped for Heavens
sake, | could not make out--unless
from notion that fat body must needs
have fat soul, and fear that Heaven
might be as much burdened with blub-
Der as we were--for, indeed, by this
time, the fat fellow did begin to mani
Test very purely physiognomical symp-
+oms of alphabetically ejecting the i'm
mortal tenant of his mortal Drawn
However, the coach did stop, and that
right speedily-for the cry was urgent,
and both doors heinp set wide open, [