Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1833-09-12
From the Baltimore Pa,rio, :

Washington, .insus, 3ofh, 1898.
My DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA
haInt got ony jist q minnet 10 spare
but I've sumihin to tell you that will tickle
you all tn pieces. Here I DO now, back
from the Rip Raps agin. the President aud
all on Us, seein about the fairs o. the ma
iiou.
The fust thing we took up to srey upon,
next arter the churn, WAS one o. the most
limportsRtest things in natur. 4 felt eop.i
derabie streeked about ii. but its all set
tied now. as clear as multiple alton. The
Prestdenf has made mp his mind 20 n,arry
CoSen .Nabby. Think o. that. Uncle JOSH
But sint ] . cute Teller for pryin into n
mill stone' I knowed all the time which
way the cat wanted to jump. but I was
amszin fesrd there was tu many rate in
the way.
IN tell you what. Major Downing
says the President. says he. il Amt no ,ri-
lie Tor man 90 make up bis mind on n
pint about matrimony. In the fust place,
be's got TO see that he don't git cheated.
and thso she's got TO SEQ that she don't git
cheated-and arter allits ten TO one if they
don't both On 'em 81, darndly cheated
'Jist exactly SO. Ginersl,' says I. and
tn cheats makes an even bargin,' says I,
for was nettled consider BILE, to hear him
talk that way about Nabby IN tell YOU
what tis, says !. GineraI, there amt a
man upon airth. without tis Deaeon Slew.
but what wouldn't jump eny most 40 high
as the sky. 20 git Nsbby. She's one o.
the ra-al Sort saysI-' none o. your pail
faced, miIk-and-wster sort OF gentry
Why her face is like full blown cabbage
rosy says !. and wbars more, il Amt nut
on with none o. your painters brushes,
nor IT sint esy TO wash oph nuther.' cay.
L. But l didn't stop there, ! tell you
went on ever so fur. and teid the GineraI
plump and plain jisi what was mind 10.
] teld him that che was IS much aforc the
white hvered things here 10 the south. a.
] or be was afere Martin Van Buren,
She knows how 10 make the best ginger
bread. aud the best punkin pies. and the
best sassyges upon airth.' says !, and She
can darn your stoekins. and patch thst
hole IN your old coat 90 nice. that no man
IN Washington shouldn't know that il waE
patched And besides all that says I.
she's got sich world Of larnin, (caus-
you know, Uncle Josh, that are kinder
ruas IN the family.) that she can write all
your messages for you. and save the GO
VsrDment. then the GineTal be-
gun TO cod like all nAiur; and be eol,ed il
agoin Of sich dsTned rate that IL broke
up the argument; and ! thought for lese
spell that the fat was all in the Gre. But
aTter he got cleverly over IL, he took hold
o my hand amazin kinder feciionate like:
AMI arter eIearin Up hts throat consider.
able loudish. few times. My dear Ne ior.'
says he, nay wind Is made up The gin-
gerbread and the punkin pies. and the sas-
,syges. may do very well for them that
likes EN-. The siockings--why them, tho
boots kivers up. But the hole in The coat
and The rnessages-0y. there's the rub says
he,-and then he Went on With . pack o.
ilummery about sings and aTr,1rs and tho
heart ache. tall sKed him &c he felt Wosssg.
and then he kinder claimed oph like, and
said no-he felt better After that he be
gun 10 play With the cburn sg,n. and no
kept WhIsilin Yankee Doodle t1l he had
~hIsiled II clean through; and then be
turned right round 90 me. Ma jor, says
he, write 10 your uncle Joshus aod AK
his consent 10 you see have did u, In
less than no time
Tell Cozen Nsbby Go be ready 80 quick
80 possible. or the Gineral may git oph tho
notion ont. Tell her 60 make her gounds
as much rs half a yard shorter. and the
sleeves jet three yards bigger, sbd then
tell her 10 run down 20 Ihs cider mill and
knock the hoops oph from them sTs old
tubs snd elsp I'm on 60 the sksI'i Of her
gownd, and stuG bundle or "a Of straw
into the sleetes-Prsy tell her 10 be pFy
-snd mind and make the skirt short .
null Prom your loving Ne'fs.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING
r S--She ran find 9 plenty Of Rew
gaws, end esatrsptioss. snd 6ddlsst,eks.
sod ell That sort o sch lhings ~ Bait
more JEST tell her 90 call 90 nv friend
shat prints ihis ere letter. ssd EIl hin, 10
~" her where the Bszaan be Doat
cat mibhet Hyoa esst leave The post
,ii'ee TO cum on With her. JET send Ezekiel
b'ssio~' 81 Sergeant Jssi, or Eprsin,, OF
'onse on 'em-be spfy. MS