The Northern star, and farmers' and mechanics' advocate. [volume] (Warren, R.I.) 1830-1834, 1833-12-07
wARRnN. 4. !. sATUHDAY, DECEMBER ;, 1883

Ihost ia Red Sea. 'How do you like iii
! lconiinued the indelatigable qoerist.
Threw my head on the back of the chair,
mouth upwards, TO prevent an overflow,
pretty well, said 1. She at last found
T"The Sorrows of Werter," and came tow
ards me. 'Oh dear, cousin Oliver, don't
put your head on the back of the chair,
now don't, you'll grease it and take off
the gliding? could not answer her,
having now lost the power OF speech en-
tirely, and my cheeks were distended like
those OF toad under Il mushroom. sWhy,
Oliver said my persevering tormentor,
unconscious oil the reason OF my appear
alce, you are sick, know you are, your
face 10 dreadlully swelledp and, before l
|could prevent her, her hartshorn was
slapped 10 my distended nostrils. As my
mouth was closed inperurbably, the orr
fees in my nasal organ were at that time
my only breathing places. Judge then
what commotion full snuff ofhartshorn
created among my ollactorIes!
bolted for the door, and a-chee-he-hee
relieved my Proboscis, and tobacco, ,chyie,
&c. 'ali at once disgorged' from my mouth,
restored me the faculty of speech. Her
eyes followed me in astonshment, and
returned and relieved my embarrassment
by putting load on my conscience.
told her 1 had been trying to relieve the
toothache by the temporary use of tobac-
CO, while, truth to tell, never had an
aching fang in my head. ! went home
mortified.
Sunday forenoon. Friend A. in
vted myself and wife to take seat with
him to hear the celebrated Mr.. --
preach. Conducted by neighbor A.
to his pew. Mouth as usuai, full Of tobac-
co and horrors, found the pew elegantly
carpeted- white and green, two or three
mahogony crickets, and hat stand but
no spit box The services commenced I;
every peal on the organ was answered by
an internal appeal from my month for a
Liberation from its contents but the thing
was impossible. l thought Of using my
hatfor spit box then Of turning one OF
the, crickets over but could do nothing
unperceived. ltook out my handkerchief
and iourc, in the plentitude Of her offic-
iousness, that my wife had placed one ol
her white cambrics IN my pocket instead OF
my bandunna. Here was dilemma
BY the time the preacher had named his
text, NY cheeks had reached their UTMOST
extension, s. must spit or die! arose
lseized my hat, and made for the door,
My vile, (contound these women how
f flthcy dog one about, imagining me un
well, (she might have known better,) go
up and followed me. 'Are you unwell
Oliver?' said she, ms the door closed aftcI
us. l answered her by putting out the
eyes of an unlucky dog, with food o.
expressed essence Of cavendish. a wish,
said she, sMr A. had spit box in
his pew $50 do L. We footed it home
in moody silence. was sorry my wife
had lost the sermon, but how could l help
III These women are SO uffectionate-
confound them-no don't mean 50. But
she might have known what allied me, and
kept her seat.
Tobacco, oh Tobacco. But the deeds
of that day are not all told yet. After the
conclusion of the services, along came
tar,net Ploughshare. He had seen me
90 out ofchurch, and stopped at the open
| window where l sat. Sick to-day, MIR.
- Rather unwell ) answered Land
there was another lie to place to the ac-
count OF Tobacco. we had powerful
preaching, Mr.. -; ;powerlul preaching;
sorry you had to 60 out My vile ASK
ed him in-and in he come-she might
have knowashe would-but women must
be polite. But she was the sufferer OF It..
Compliments over, gave hum my chair
at tho open window. Down he sat, and
fu milling in his pocket, drew forth most
formidable plug Of tobacco, and commcn.
ced unlwisling it. 'Then you use tobacco,
said 1. "A leotle occasionally said he,
MS he deposited from three to four inches
| in his cheek. "A neat fence that Of yourn,
as flood after food from his mouth bespat-
tered newly painted fence near the win.
dow. 'Yes,' said l, but like darker.
$50 do L. answered Ploughshare, 'and
yellow suits nv notion; il dont show d'rt''
And he mostened my carpet with his Ia
vorite color. Good, thought !, wife VIII
ask him in again, guess. We were
now summoned TO dinner. Farmer
Plouphshare seated himself i saw his
long fingers in that particular position in
which a tobacco chewer knows how to
put his digits when about to unlode. lie
| then drew them across his mouth trem-
blod for the consequences, should he
throw such load upon the hearth or the
floor. But he had no intention thus TO
waste his quid, and shocking to relate
deposited il beside his plate, on my wlies
damask cloth!
| This was too much. 1 plead sickness
and rose. There was no lie in the asser-
|tion now, was sick. Irctircd from the
table but my departure did no, discom-
pose Farmer PIoughshnre, who was un-
/ L..,..,., lnna xyronn i re-