The Massachusetts spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1831-1858, 1832-01-25
A DAY OF DISTRESS.


with her friend Kate Leslie, she thrust
them heedlesslv under her belt, and the dis
tress that EMS IS from her having forgotten
this little incident she works up into one Of
the most amusing of her numerous cabinet
room for part of it.
"a gentle sorrow did arrive, AL too socI,
in the shape of Kate Lesie's pony pheton,
which whisked off that charming person as
fast as her two long tailed Arabians could
put their feet to the ground. This evil
had, however, substantial consolation in the
promise of another visit very soon, and
resumed in quietness and peace, the usual
round of idle occupation which forms the
morning employment of country gentle
woman of small fortune: ordered dinner
minced veal, cold ham, a current pudding,
and salad, if any body happens to be Gu
rious on the score Of my house keeping 4;
renewed my bean pots; watered@shcil OF
nav plants as wanted most mended my
gloves; patted dash looked at the Times /;
and was just sitting down to work, or 10
pretend to work, when | was most pleasant
ly interrupted by the arrival of some morn
ing visitors friends fiom distance-for
whom, after a hearty welcome and some
cordial chat, ordered luncheon, with which
orders my miseries began.
"The keys if you please, ma'am, for the
wine and the Kennel ale" said Anne, my
female factorum, who rules, as regent, not
only the cook and the under maid and the
boy, but the whole family, myself included,
and is an actual housekeeper in every re-
spect, except that of keeping the keys.
"The KEYS ma'am, if you please" said An
ne /; and then found, that my keys, were
not in my right hand pocket, where they
ought to have been, nor in my retlcule; In
short that my keys were lost.
Now these keys, were only two in num-
Der, and small enough in dimensions; but
then the one opened that important part to
me, my writing desk; and the other con
tanned within itself the specific powers over
every lock in the house, being no other
than the key to the key drawer; and no
chance of picking them for alas alas the
locks we're Bramah's So after few excla-
mations, such as-What can have become
of my keys? Has any one seen my keys !?
Somebody must have run away with my
keys? recollected, that however consola-
tory to myself each lamentation might be,
they would by no means tend to quench the
thirsts of nv guests. | applied myself Wig
orously to remedy the evil all could by
sending to our nearest neighh0rs for time
was pressing, and our horse and his master
out for the day)to supply as well as might
be my deficiency. Accordingly sent to
the public house for their best beer, which,
not being Kennel ale, would not go down !;
and to the good humored wives of the shoe
maker and baker for their best wine. Fan
cy to yourselves decanter of Gamson wine
arriving from one quarter, and jug of par
snip wine fresh from the wood tapped on
purpose, from the other. And this for
drinkers of Burgundy ana Champagne |!
Luckily the water was good. and my visitors
were good natured, and cOmforted me IN
my affection, and made Jest Of the matter.
Really they are nice family, the st. Johns
especially the two young men, to whom |
have, they say, taught the taste of spring
water.
"This trouble passed over lightly enough.
But scarcely were they gone before the tax
gatherer came for money-locked up in my
desk! What will the collector say And
the Justices clerk say for warrants left I'M
der my care by the chairman of the bench,
and also safely lodged in the same safe re-
pository. What will their worships say, TO
this delinquency 1t will be fortunate ii
they do not issue warrant against me in my
own person? My very purse was left by
accident in that unlucky writing desk and
when our kind neighbors the Wright's sent
mellon, and was forced to borrow a shIl-
ling to give the messenger, | could bear
my loss no longer, and determined to insti-
tute strict search that instant.
But before the search could begin, in
came the pretty little roly poly Sydney's
and Murray's brats, from seven downwards
with their whole train of nurses, and nur-
sery maids and nursery governesses, by
invitation to eat strawberries and the
were all locked up in a cup
board, the key of which was in the unopen-
able drawer! And good farmer Brooks.
he too called, sent by his honor, for
bottle of Hollands-the right Schiedam !;
and the Schiedam was in the cellar; and
the key of the cellar was in the Bramah-
locked drawer! And the worthy talmer
who behaved charmingly for a man depriv-
ed of his gin, was fain to be content with
excuses, like voter after an election; and
tHC pun NCIC COuIpCllCu W pun Up
with promises, like. voter before one to
be sure they had few pinks and roses to
sweeten their disappointment but the
Strawberries were as uncomfortable as the
Schiedam.
At last they were gone; and then be-
gan the search in good earnest. Every
drawer, not locked, every room. that could
be entered, every box that could lie open
ed, was ransacked over, and over again for
these intolerable keys.
All my goods and chattels were flung to-
gether in heaps, and then picked over Ia
process which would make even new things
seem disjointed and shabby,) and the guam
titles of trumpery, thereby disclosed, espe-
cially in the shape of thimbles, needle-cases,
pin cushions, scissors, from the different
work-baskets, work-bags (your idle persons
always abound in working materially was
astounding. think there were seventeen
pin cushions ofdfferent patterns-b BEGINNING
with an old boot and ending with Il new
guitar. But what was there not 1t
seemed to me that there was pocketable
commodities enough to furnish u second
hand bazaar Every thing was there eX-
cept my keys.
Four hours did and my luckless mai
dens perambuate the house, whilst John
the boy, examined the garden until we
were all SO tired we were forced to sit
down from mere WEAKNESS. Saving always
the first night of one of my own tragedies,
when though piqne myself on being com
posed, ] can never manage 10 sitstll en-
cept on such an occasion; do not think !
ever walked so much at one time in my
life At last | funr myself on n sofa in