Southern planter., 1832-06-09


WHAT WILL OUR SPINSTERs Dor OR,
WHAT WILL WE DO WITH OUR SPIN
STERSi
The question which wasso pi,hily and pointed
ly addressed TO the Lords, becomes Of much more
momenious import when. applied TO the ladies', At.
least to the unmarried ones, yulgarly ycle2t Spin
sters. PaltTy in number, not very formidable in
influence and intellect and receiving only rare and
irihing additions to their order, the Peers were
scarcely worth the inquiry either way; but when
the interrogation (oh, the happy polygamist) EN-
braces all the fair sex Of the middling. and upper
classes, II behCyes every smember Of society TO
weigh deeply and matupely what answer shall be
given to it-Why do the political economists
waste lbeiE precious time upon seni, tithes, and
cornlaws, discussions ia which so few comparative
ly are interested, when there is grieyous defect
in our social institutions that may be termed a
Catholic or universal evil, since tends to recon-
vert the large portion Of our gentee population N
20 monks and nuns, 50 far, at least, as compulsory
celibacy can effect that object3 Why do these q
economists instruct Ministers. how TO husband the
national resources, when they should be rather
showing our distressed damsels how to put the
Church Ministers in requsition, and to husband
themselvesf Here, in the very heart of polite life,
there is an oversuppy, an absolute glut Of famalc
youth, beauty, and accomplishment, with lille or
no demand for those once desiderated articles.
Our brightest bellies set no church bells pealing;
drives round the PARKING end not, Of yore, 10
afixing gold ring round the finger; white favors
are out Of favor; nuptial bans are under ban and
linterdict; wedding-cake is not cut, because we'd
dings ares no matches are made but those OF wood
and brimstone; and our clergymen, who used to
know the marriage ceremony by heart, are now
obliged TO turn 70 the fresh aud unthumbed leaf in
their prayer Boon, whenever they are called upon
io Join man and wife together. The age Of mat
j rimony, Ike that chivalry Is gone, and the clerks
who lived upon the fees FOR issuing general and
special licences, have been 90 long out Of work
that they mry probably, be heard Of at the work
house.
Is there any exaggeration in these melancholy
ayementsS appeal ID every reader who moves
in genteel society. Does he not, in each success
sive season, see hundreds Of rose-buds unfolding
their charms, who are destined, as inexorable time
revolves, to be metamofphosed into wall-llowers
and finally to .coDsitute portion Of the human
tapestry with whsh our bathrooms are decorated
or, at least, lined. Our girls keep getting in, JUS
when they ought to be getting of; they put forth
oil their attraciions--ihey work bard to become
wives, but alas! they are only serving long, irk
some, and .heart-wiihering apprenticeship 10 spin
Qalopades, partners may be found easily enough
but where are they to find partners rliiei lie I
either undiscoyerable, like the unicorn and th'
phoenix or only TO be seen once IN ahundre'
years, like the Hover Of the aloe. Strange, iha
amid the myriad unmeaning inquiries with whici
our dancing beaux peser their partners, they shoul'
never once delight them by popping Ac question
From any part Of speech that might bear constuc
ton ofths nature, they refrain with acautlous an'
most uurelentng precision Well may they b
termed shrewd, though fhntasiical gummarlans
for they had rather decline than cOniugpte. Meth
eT dress, address, nor undress will win them
Gowns, transparent as tnder, catch no sparks, an'
raise no fame; the fashionable nude only diminish
es her own chance Of ever becoming femme coi
perie; and the best and most becomingiy attire
beauty may find hundred candidates eager TO lea'
her out 10 dance, but not one will lead her up to tn
altar 10 the good old times, a. handsome, cleve
girl seldom failed TO fin herself into favor, TO ae
coquetie with good success, to ogle till she wa
teyed with tenderness, TO court I'LL she was courted
and ultimately to bride herselfnlo bridal. Bu
such triumphs are not 10 be achieved IN these anti
nuptial days Impenstrable as the neither mill
stone is the heart Of modern bachelor: you nigh
as well pelt rhinoceros with pea.shooier. No
ther change Of scene, nor the most tempting oI
portunites can throw him of his guard. Bait
Brighton, Cheltenham, pic-ncs, sailing par'lel
rides, drives shooting visits 10 the park enclose
mansion; and Christmas festivities, united by th
kss-sanctioning msletoe, used, in the days OF o.
fathers, to be provocatives TO matrimony that ie
could resist. But these laismans have lost The
charm In vain do our bellies Tedouble their atleI
lions the bean still remain single; celibosy is u
order of the day; we have no husband-men, b'
those who hold the plough; no yoke-ielows b'
the collar-makers; the. honeymoon is IN eclipse
Cupid may turn his bow into a fiddlestick, an
play solo, Uhough we have beaux enough WI
are mere sticks without any such meiamorphoss
and Hynen, with his exlingpshcd torch, may 7
to that heaven whtre they marry not, neither al
they given in marriage.
The fact is, Mr.. Editor, that the present gener
t;on. both male and female, is in false positio
We, that is to say, the younger and marrageab
mo portion Of the community, are the results ofwen
ut years fictitious prosperity, commercial monoPol
boundess profusion, artificial excitement, and {
ain most universal corruption. Every body flourishe
ste ffom the writing -masier to the budgetannouncH