Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1832-06-02

Not so thought the heroes OF corn laws.
s.Your Adonises never make oratoIs:' SAID
crack speaker with wry nose =,
s.Nor men Of business ether" addeu tue
chairman of a committee, with race IKE Kan
garoo's.
Poor devil!" cried the civilest of the set
"He's deuced deal too handsome for speak
err! By Jovs, he is going to speak again-'h's
will never do; we must cough him down.:
And Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy was accordingly
coughed down.
(lnr hero was now seven or systematically,
bandsomer Than ever and the alteration OF all the
young ladies at Almack's.
We have nothing to leave YOU" SAID the pa
rents, who had long spent their fortune ana no"
lived on the credit of having once enjoyed u
:. You are the handsomest man IN London; you
must marry an heiress"
s.J will" said Mr.. Ferdinand tltzroy.
Miss Helen Convolvulus was charming Young
lady. with hare lip and SIX thousand year
tn Miss Helen COnvolyulus then our hero PAID
his addresses.
Heavens! what an uproar her relations made
about the matter. sEasy to see his lntenuohs,
said one; "a handsome fortune hunter. VINO
wants to make the best of his person p" Hand
some is that handsome Does" says another; "he
was turned out of the army, and murdered MS
Colonelu'-" Never marry beauty" SAID a
,b;rJ. /" he can admire none but himself. y
6 viii have so many mstresses," said fourth;
:. Make YOU perpetualIy Jealous" said ftth;--
:. Snend YOUR fortune" said sixth; " And
break voar heart" said seventh.
| Miss Helen Convolvu'us was prudent ana wa
~. She saw a great deal of justice IN what was
said: and was sufficiently con,ented WIN liberty
and six thousand a.year, not to be highly lmpa'
tient for husband; but our heroine had no aver
sion 10 a lover; especially to SO handsome lover
neither acctptaa moi discaFUeG hun; but kept
him on hope, and suffered him to get into debt
with his tailor. and his coach maker. on the
strength of becoming Mr.. Fitzroy Conyovulus.
Time went on, and excuses aud delays were ca
| sy found; however, orr hero as sanguine, and
so were his parents. A breakfast at Chiswck
and putrd fever carried oil the latter, within
one week Of each other; but not till they had
blessed Mr.. ferdinand FitZroy, and rejOiced
tina, they had lief, him so well provided for.
Now then, our hero depended solely on the
grabbed old uncle and Miss Helen Convolvulus;
the former though baronet aud satIrlst, was
Banker and man of busuess:-he looked very
distas,efully at the Hyperan curls and white
teeth of Mr.. Ferdinand Ftzroy.
IF make you my heir" SAID he, 81 ex-
pect YOU will continue the bank
" Certainly, Sir" said the nephew.
Humph!" grunted the uncle, "a pretty
fellow for banker"
Debtors grew pressing to Mr.Ferd'nandFitzroy,
and Mr.. Ferdinand Fitzroy grew pressing TO
Miss Helen Convolvulus. 1t is dangerous
thing" said she tmidly, '' to marry man SO
admired,-wil you always be Faithful"
..By heaven!" cried the lover
"Heigho!" sighed Miss Helen Convolvulus,
and Lord Rufus Punilion entering. the CONVEX
sa,ion was changed.
But the day of the marriage was fixed; and
Mr.. Ferdinand Fltzroy bought new curricle
By Apollo, how handsome he looked in it!
month before the wedding day the uncle died.
Miss Helen Convolvulus was quite tender in
her condolences-s' Cheer up, my Ferdinand"
said she, for your sake have discarded Lord
Rufus Pumion!" Adorable condescension"
cried our hero; d" but Lord Rufus Pumlon is
only four feet two, and has hair like peony."
All men are not so handsome as Mr.. Fer
dnand Fitzroy!" was the reply.
Away goes our hero, TO be present at the open
ing OF his uncle's will.
81 leave" said the the testator (who, have
before said, was bit of a satirisO my share OF
the bank, and the whole of nv fortune, lega-
cies excepted, to''-(here Mr.. Ferdinand Fitz
roy wiped his beautiful eyes with cambria
handkerchief, exquisirelJ brade) 'my natural
son, John Spriggs, an industrious pains taking
youth, who will do credit TO the Bank. did once
intend to have made my nephew Ferdinand my
heir, but SO curling head can have no talent
for accounts want my successor to be man
of business, not beauty; and Mr.. Ferdinand
Fitzroy is great deal too handsome for bank
er; his good looks will, no doubt, win him any
heress in town. Meanwhile, leave him, to
buy dressing case, thousand pounds:'
.. A thousand devils!'' said Mr.. Ferdinand
Fitzroy, banging out of the room. He flew to
his mistress. She was not at home. lilies"
says the Italian proverb, - have short legs;" but
truths, if they are unpleasant. have terribly long
ones! The next day, Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy
received most oblising note Of dismissal.
81 wish you every happiness" said Miss He.
len Convoxuus, in conclusion; but nv friends
are right--you are much too handsome for hns-
band"
And the week aftea. Miss Helen COnvolvulus
became Lady Rufus Pumilion. /
G, Alas cir ,, said the bailif. as. day or two |