Constitutional Whig. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1824-1832, 1832-11-23


AS this was meant for the bi,,crcst satire in the
whole performance, the author, whoever hc may
DC, cannot say that we have used him unfairly
we publish 1T without sophsiicaton, and the pa
mo, OF Rhode Island, will laugh with us when he
reads II. The ''horrd noise" aud lawful sounds
of his voice, hare frightened good many doviis,
Ell good many occasions.
II does not appear whether kaiou''s wedding
was broken Off no.; hut NJ. Trevor comes hack
To earth and goes To counting Laura, tho Lady
''what foll into the wator."-Iie made up his mind
that eternity, passed an, how was of consider
ltion, in comparison with thirty years of bliss
with her; and they talked together about Demos
themes, Newton, Raphael, Milton, and tina stars.
She told him. that If she should die first. he must
go to look for her in bright particular star"
which she showed him in the celestial map. He
went TO amuse himself all u'iout tho country, pro-
baby intending to write "Fcn days in the coun-
try" for the newspapers; aud master Kalonf was
amusing himself elsewhere, "devillipg ali T." as
was his vocation. Trevor hears that LAURA has
gone dead, aud, owing tn kalouPs absence, he was
without his seven League boots, So he bad to f. OF
it, and rail.road it, and Steamboat it, to the place
where they told him his doary's dead body had
been deposited for safe keeping. Hn of course,
shed continental tears enough To make the dandc.
lions gov very FAST ard lnoking at the star TO
which Laura hat; promises to 60, he called for his
man Kalouf, and told him 10 escort him to il. This
was more than kUlouf could do, OH Ills hook.
as he belonged to the centre, and was centripctal.
Bat he did hat he could. lie took all tho gra.
/ WHY cut of his master, and seated him on n huge
bag of provisions, with guDpowdcs undcr il. lie
then set iro 10 the latter and accompanied Trevor
Tor some forty miles, to give him fair start, flcr
which the latter shot upwards, making straight for
che star. But Ivy miscalGul,tiou in Kalouf's &C.
ometry, he missed the planet by about fifteen inch
es aud had the modification of seeing a great
many pretty ladies, without being bile TO catch
hold OF the top of tree and Ia. himself down
among them. lie went on eXtravngating through
lnhniic space; when n vast giant, dispeased at lis
inpertincncc, "wIIircd him round his head, and
giving iuli sweep to an arm thousand miles i'm
length, hurled him back towards the earth with
The velocity of thundcr-bolt" lie came down,
after catching hold of the north POLE in Connect
cut, where he was we ghed against tho bible for
wizard and being found to have no gravity, would
have Jared ill, had he not run away. III. went
down TO Washington, where he heu I'd speech
which is meant for parody some of Mr. Web
Siers We think it rather failure; but have no
room to prove our opinion by many extracts. The
amount of it is that Daniel of Massachusetts
wanted to carry bill To protect the spelling hook
OF Noah of Connecticut, and prevent all children
from being taught out Of any other book or manu-
al. We WI give one sam?le-part of the CHI ,rac-
ter of the Universal Yankee Nation:
"Besidcs all this, they as teu,peruto as Ken
tucl,i"ns, benevolent and disntercsted us Ohians,
intelligent as Pennsylvanians, modest as New
Y orkcrs, brave Nirginians, and generous and
courteous as Sonth Caronans. They arc nvari.
ably skilled IN dentistry, surgery, and medicine
in compromising and initiating all kinds of drugs
IN Jurisprudence aud pcddlpg-iu theology, and
tho making of tin Besides thci. own Attic
dialect they ase occasionally abb" speak, if not
to write tho vulgar English Of the Southern States
and OF Great Britain. In the her modern tongues
they are so skilled as to have introduced very ex
tensvc CdstilIlnisms im,o, the Spanish-to have
largely corrected and reformed the Partisan pro-
hive restored the true ruscano-Ro.
man speech, which had attcry begun to der.ner.
ate and TO have brought ali ut perfect analra
nation oil Saxon and Low Dutch, which has been
so long dosideratum in German literature.
Joining to all these eminent attAinments an
accurate acquaintance with the Latin and Greek
grammars, and a considerable knowledge of the
smaller catcchSr, they are, for the part sim
gr'riy htted TO become authors Of gigantic dicton
aries, singing masters Presidents of Colleges bar
keepers, extensive merchants, lecturers on botany
and astronomy, vendors of wooden clocks mission
aries among the Indians and Southerners profess
ors Of mathematics, fire kings, and dealers I'M
ncw growth otnutTegs.
"Their deep researches into the mysteries of ma
ture, have also lod them to the discovery of many
socrets-hcw to make gun fins out of
horn, and diamonds of churcoal-indigo out of
Hour, aud chocolate and ovc-oil out of ground
thread out of wood mustard out of
mere exquisite than the genuine Ha-
vana out of cak leaves, and great variety of sa.
lutary and precious medicines out Of pine bark
So much for the Mon of New England Tho
bill t" protect Webstoi'f Spelling Book passed BIZ
vote OF 81 to Is. Mr.. Trevor went struggling
ever the world, crying for Laura, and making me.
trc some of which is rcoy very pretty. Seven
years afor his Journey to The stars he stumbled
one day upon Laura inst alive as ever; it anpoor
ing that the report OF her death was mist axe She
had found out Trevor's secret from KnlouG and
icigncd herselfto be deiunct to save his soul and
his feelings. They got married, andNhad nine child.
'an, and lived such comfortable life, that the flight
Of time WIS forgot; until one day MCKEE came 10
remind Trevor that his torn up. In fact he
had but ten minutes 10 spare. Then it appeared
that the Old Scratch did not want the husband
but the wIie-She having affectiunatcly substitu /
ted herself in his place, by private arrangement
with the Obgee. But the latter, having great
deal OF business hand, and perhaps having soiue
pity, allowed MIR. Trevor four DAYS to obi ain twen
ty-flve souls in place of that, OF his wife which
number Inc agreed to accept III lieu of hers He
advert sed, and got that number of Yankees pretty
cheap ton dollars being the highest price paid and
soihe as low as two. BIT Satan grun,blcd He
Sa'd they were no souls at a!l-and Laura was only
saved by a powerful incanta,ion, at which three
ConJurcrs asSisted-Mr. McDuffic and Governor
Hamilton, and somebody else whom we do not re-
cognise They raise spirit, ss beautiful as the
white lady OF Avcne and as awful az armigerent
Mlnerva;-and this spirit was NULIIFICAJI
She gave the devil a walking ticket; and the cur.
tain falls over this singular extravaganza.
such is brief analysis of this little less than
blasPhemous production, which we ascribo to Dr.
Cooper. He can have no right to be dispeased By
doing So; because we know of no one, save him
self, Dean Swift, Voare or the Devil with
whom he takes such liberties who could have writ
ten 1t. Perhaps we should except the love story
1t is very probable that The Doctor had help; and
there are some verses, to which We have already
referred, after the manner Of Collins and mainly
taken from him, though the theft is clovcry com
mittcd, which Doctor Cooper did not make unless
he Is more lawfully smart than even oe take him
to he. These lines speak the language Of the I'm.
man heart, such as it is, un. Bslzebubbizcd by
breach Of statute law, by metaphysics, polnicil
economy, or any other wickedness, or nuisance
WHATSOEVER.
u ,,,,I- al Il