Constitutional Whig. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1824-1832, 1832-09-21
Gbe Constitutional Gglbtg.
EoR THE Who.
ENGLISH GRAMMAR.

of excellence which gives him the reputation of
u correct writer, although no may not neglect the
superour graces aud the richer ornaments eff STYLE
yet he sometimes becomes nattentive to tho obser-
vance of the minor rules of grammar. When,
however. from such inattenton, he happens to let
fall crumb for tho hungry palate of tho
watchiul and pugnacious fraternity of verbal cri-
ticks, tho pubck generally find sufficient atone.
mout for the literary transgression in the
amusement, afforded by tho scratching and scram,-
bling OF the mousiug tribe, who eagerly to
pick 1t up.
happened accidentally to cast my eye upon n
paragraph IN your paper of tho 18th inst, signed
o., in which was contained tho solemn and aw full
charge OF my having committed a sy1faettedt err
rour IN the last paragraph OF my advertisement
which appeared in the "Whig" on the 10Th. Ha-
wing furnished that brief notice for your paper in
so great haste, not to allow myself time to copy
scarcely read it, before it went to press, my
bones began to shake, my flesh to quake, and all
my grammatical spirits TO rush tumultuous and tur-
gid back TO their fountain-head, for fear that the
portcntous maui Of tho critick, which behold fair
ly suspended over mo IN threatening majesty,
would suddenly fall, with deadly weight, upon my
devoted head and grind all my literary reputa-
ton in Richmond to powder. For tho writer of
Grammar which has passed through FoRTY-FoUR
EDITIONS, which ha, nearly superseded all others
("Brown's" not exceptcd) wherever il has become
known, and which is now used the textbook
in ten or fifteen colleges and in more than three
thousand minor schools--for the writer of such
grammar, and a prof1ssed lecturer on the sci.
encc, too, to violate rule of syntar, is unques.
tonably grievous sin; and had found,
ferring to the paragraph criticised that 1 was
guilty of enormous transgresson against tho
very laws promulgated and enforced by myself,
should have utterly desparcd, even by lying down
IN the lowest grammatical gutter or by crawling
der the chair Of the potent, pedagogical censor
and critck who welded the mighty mallct over me,
and there most humbly confcssing my fault ever
10 have mcrited or obtained dissolution. But Judge
of my surprise and Joy, Messrs. Editors-iudre of
my indignation, o thou leaden- headed god of dull
ness who pcrmittcst little, busy, busting, buzzng
buggy, verbal criticks, like little, silly, filthy flies
10 feed on the sores of the literary carcasses over
which they crawl-yea, Judge of my surprise and
indignation, when, on looking at tho criticised para
graph for the syntdcticdi blunder, behold no such
thing 'cas 10 be found there! Tho mighty monster
proved to be nothing but error of the brain
the whole smoke and mist, a mere ebuIlition and
overhowing OF the spleen, and bile and veruice,
and grammatical scum and froth of the jaundiced,
redantick, green eyed, and slavering peddgogue of
a critick!
The redoubtabr, hair.sptting connoisseur, as he
sat perched on his pedagogical stool, hurting me
MS terrible cannons of critical thunder, had the
audacIty to charge me with committing a gramma-
tcdt sotec'sm although he had not the honesty nor
courtesy nor manliness. nor fairness to quote
me sentence which he condemned as unerammati-
cali but, he had the best of reasons for this low
Tc6ery, (of not quoting, for this grovellng at
tempt at misunderstanding a narrop scale-for
inns pnny thrust at me in the dark; for had he quo
tea the sentence referred to, or any other one
from my advertisement it would have proved me
correct, and himself PERvERrkR OF TRuru!-if not
a LIDELER!!!
On! you naughty, surchargcd wit of the goose
quiz you cunning little crawling fb-telLer =
you housing, roofing, molc-digging word catcher
you naughty, sly-dodging Simon Simple you-
lay down your dull pointed quill; dsmount from
your professors stool Of self constituted censor.
7n'r. and stick tn your birch and your ferule, and
- ooh WT1ryu g. III
else 60 back % rour former and suitable en-
Pi"ymcnt o. b ing corn, and planting tobacco,
nr = Fennrg zen and feeding sheep; for who can
ioG5t. ron Inc sheepish manner of your critical
attack, Tint YOU are genuine Of Apollo mot
the Snusicldn, out the -fcndsr) and that YOU
have recently exchanged your caduceus for a cri-
ticks wand! If you don't take heed, you little.
two-pcnny, squirming. crooked, word-splitter, you
VIII soon plunge yourself into worse predicamcnt
than that endured by Looncy McTwoulter and John
Lump, when they had mixed the Billy-Duxes, or
by Jerry McDrzzle, when he was bitten by the
striped snake, and prepare yourself for what Solo.
mon advised for all of your dull craft, namely,
"A saddle for an ass and rod for FOOLS back"
The following is the paragraph condemned by
this pedagogue of Q (or rather Quack)
"Any one of ordinary capacity, who is Totally
unacquainted with theoretical grammar, will be
able, by attending regularly term, to acquire a
thorough Pracf,cdt knowledge of the general prin-
ciplcs of the science. Should any such fail TO OBJ
tain it, Obey themselves, or their literary friends
being the iudges,) they will be charged NOTHING
for tuition"
That this paragraph is elegant, or even happily
expressed do not presume to assert; but that IL liz
pmre vernacular English and strictly grammatical
do assert, and defy any ofs TO prere to the con-
trary. 1t cannot be done, unless by perpertio1,
eontoTtion, or grammatical Juggling; and none but
a grammatical 6o06ycute would ever have question
ed its accuracy. In pronouncing it ungramma'i-
CAL the arrogant pcdant betrayed either gross gno.
rance of the science, unblushing baseness Oh
purpose. Perhaps he will affect to sustain his as
sertion by quotation from his darling author, and
grammatical godfather Good Brown. If so, he
VIII also betray the Ignorance of his author-a
thing by no means difficult. What can be more
ptlful than such attempts at criticism7 and what
more base, when the object of the criiick is 10 de-
stfoy the reputation, and ruin the success of his
superiours? Had thought that any poor famishcd
crltick would have come browsing over such a div
barren heath for food spread ont in this sliniod
advertisement, really, do not know but should
have been tempted out Of pity. to leave some IN
trimmed, grammatical germinos to fill his greedy
NAV.
/ am not unaware, that, by eondescending To NO.
lice tins puny assault upon me, let myself down
IN the estimation Of many, who will consider the
attack perfectly harmless In the estimation Of the
literary and more sensible portion oS ts carar,,n
nifty, tho critical squb will doubtless Lstreated Ak
1T deservcs-with indignant contempt; but far other
W 60 will be its effects upon the prcat majority
who do not take The pains 10 distinguish between
JHye and Just criticism: and from among this
majority, most of the members of my class in
grammar may, of course, be expected 10 DO drawn
The criiick was fully awarc Of this, and we'll knew
That his broad assertions wohld be taken by them
for testimony. he has not, therefore, in directing
his blow, exhibited himself half so great fool as
Knave' 10 chastise him for what deem his
knavery, and TO defend myself for an unprovoked
and unjust attack, is my apology for noticing him.
am not disposed to deny The truth of the az
ION laid down by lord Bacon, that Little minds
can have but little virtue" but it by no means fol
lows, tnat the converse OF this proposition holds
good; for little minds, although incapable Of con
ceViDg and executing crimes Of the greatest mar
nitude, are, nevertheless, able, by their informed