Vandalia Whig and Illinois intelligencer. [volume] (Vandalia, Ill.) 1832-183?, 1832-04-18

Twill suffice to show the true mode of proceeding
and any mans own judgment will teach him
how to vary the rules above laid down, so as to
suit them to all the different cases that may usu-
ally arise.
! In regard, however, to those, 10 whose family
or connexions some disagreeabe recollection
clngs, the case is one of no little difficulty Ii
will not do to name, in the hearing of the person
introduced, the unfortunate circumstance, tor that
would be offering certain insult for the sake Of
obyiatng possible offence.
An introduction, somewhat Of this nature, took
place some years ago at Dartmouth College. DR.
John Wheelock, the President, was in general
on of the poitest men alive But he had dull
student, whom he was tired of attempting to IN
struct; and who, though he had been there five
years, was only in the Senior class. Having &C
casion to introduce him one day, he said, "Per-
nit me, sir, to introduce to your acquaintance,
Mr.. Senior -. in his fifth gear" This was
Exceedingly CALLING to the poor Senior, and was
any thing but Christian politeness in the Rever-
end Doctor.
| In this class Of unIucky cases we know not
how to come at the matter, unless it be by pri-
vate hint, or some mode of communication ike
the signs in freemasonry 1t would he quite out
ITdScUuS 10 lilTOuliCe IL Llldu tlluS. many ""
with Mr.. Twistem, who had grand
father hanged, an aunt sent to the house OF cor
rection, and an uncle to the whipping post" To
be sure, it would prevent your naming those of
fensive topics unwittingy. But it would be like
killing a man, for fear he should chance to break
his leg.
Without, however, attempting to prescribe rules
for these unfortunate cases, we will avail our
selves of the present opportunity to relate two
three instances of the rather uncomfortable eff
fects of the want of proper introduction.
| An acquaintance of ours, whom we shall call
Tom Thorn, happened short time since to be
introduced in the usual way to gentleman by
the name of johnson. He was married man,
and good deal jealous.
"a Jealous husband" said Thorn, sis the
poorest of all miserable devs."'-
johnson looked as though he thought so too.
"He shows neither that manly pride nor that
seIfestimation which every man ought to eulti-
vate. He is most contemplate amman
! Johnson raised his hand to his forehead, as if
to ascertain what kind of animal.
| "And if he has no real cause to be Jealous,
continued Tom, che deserves to have, in order to
| punish him for his ridiculous weakness
''Are you a married man?' asked johnson,
with groan.
81 have not that happiness said Thorn. "But
if had, you would never find me henpecked nor
Jealous. The grey mare should never be the
better horse in my family"
~ beg you may have the happiness to try it,"
said johnson.
81 beg l may,' SAID Thorn. "By the by, Mr..
Johnson, / wish you'd introduce me to your
wife,"
"My wife! introduce you to my wife-Sir-
-
''No excuses Mr.. johnson; [ am persuaded
she is both handsome and witty.''
'sYou are not the only man that thinks So"
groaned johnson.
81 hope not-you of course must have the
same opinion of her."
'I-yes-Oh, yes-Tm very sensible"
ga man OF your taste could never choose other
than an agreeable and accomplished woman"
'sShe'll accomplish my ruin," muttered the
husband to himself
"What is your opinion of man so weak as to
be ruled by his wife, and such a fool as to be
Jealous of her afections?"
81 think he ought to go at once and hang him
SELF" applying his hand to his neck as if to as
certain its feasibility-then rising and pleading
sudden indisposiion, he babe his new acquain-
lance good bye, and hastily left the room.
Another case was that of lady who was in
the habit of taking sly drop in her closet. The
stranger to whom she was introduced had no hint
of this, and some how or other fell into conversa-
ton on the very disagreeable topic of female tip
piers.
| "Of all creatures in the world" said he, "the
Lord deliver me from woman that drinks"
| The face of the lady began to grow red.
"lt is bad enough in all conscience i'll man;
but for woman to take cup too much, is what
no man could put up WITH
The lady's countenance grew redder still.
"To see woman with a stammering tongue, IA
red face, an unsteady gait, and drop in the eye,
is enough to sober any man, however much IN
clined he may be to excess in the bottle"
The lady's face by this time was glowing like
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS furnace The immediate cause
was a mixture of shame and anger a. supposing
herself alluded to; but she was actually thenl un
der the influence of an extra allowaaIce of her
favorite beverage. She presently broke forth
"You ungentIeman'y yarlet you!-to come
here and abuse me r my own house! to hint that
l drink behind me door! and even that am tip
sy az Ills very moment! How dare you offer such
insolence? ! move in the most respectable socie-
ty, and ever have done; and it's only because
you're drunk yourself, that you accuse me-"
The lady ran on till she was out of breath ;
and the stranger finding that he had touched an