Martinsburg gazette and public advertiser. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1826-1833, 1831-12-01

WINCH nc more understood. than 4 under
stood their composition, or than they did my
ga,'eher1es. Resolute TO avoid all further OPP.
pcrtunilies for displaying my predominant
trait, sat IN the most obstinate silence, say
ing 'ou, to every thing that was offered me
and eating with the most devoted application,
tall IN an evil hour, my fair neishbor, weary
OF my taciturnlty and her own, at length her
sell began conversation by inqniring how
! was pleased with the opera The question
was put at an unlucky moment. | was Just
raising large morsel Of potato 10 my mouth,
and m order TO reply as possible. hastily
thrust u IN, intending TO swallow Il as bssti
| ~. Heavens. it was hot as burning lava
Whatcould do9 The lady's eyes were fix.
ed on me, waiting reply to her question.
But my mouth wSs la flames. la vain roll
ed the burning morsel hither and thither,
| rocking my head from side to side, while my
| eyes, wich Involuntarily had fixed on her,
were straning from the sockets. she regard
ed my grImaces, Of the cause of which be-.
iieve she was Ignorant, with an expression of
amazement aud surprise, at which can
laugh nor when think OF it.
Monsieur est malade?' al length she pent.
ly, and IN an anxious tone, inquired. icould
bear no more. My mouth was nayed with
the burning mass, and smatiing with intole-
rable pain; so, quietly abandoning the point
opened il TO its utmost, and out dropped the
internal hrebrand upon my plate, Not the
slightest tendency to smile, ,isihly RULED
imperturbable politeness Of the lady She
soothingly conioled with me on my msior
tune, then gradually led the conversation TO
variety of topics, till. exeaiaS the magic
influence that true politeness always cxfrci-
ses, began to forget eysn my own blnnders.
liv he hnr loss tv
and could even join in the conversation
without The fear that every word | uttered
shared the fate Of every action attempted.
even ventured TO hope, ray TO congratulate
myself, that the Catalogue OF my calamlties
was completed for he day.
Let no one call himself happy before
death said Soloa; and he SAID wisely The
ides of March were not yet over. Before
us stood dish Of caullower, nicely done in
butter. This naturally enough took for
custard pudding, which it sufficiently resem
bled Unfortunately my vocabulary was not
yetextensve enough to embrace all the teehn,-
caiites of the table; and when my farnegb
bour inquired ii | were fond OF chou .fte,r,
verify took it TO be the French for eustard
pudding; and so high was my panegyiic OF
it, that my plate was soon beautifully laden
with it. Alas! one single mouihfd was G.
nough to dispel my illaslon. Would to hea-
ven that the chou .j7eur had vanished along
with it But that remained bodily, and, as
! gazed despondingly AT the huge mass that
i doomed up almost as large. and as burning,
as Vesnvius, my heart died within me Asha
med to confess my mistake, although could
almost as readily have swallowed an equal
quantity of sol, soap, strug, led manlully on
against the diahoIcsl compound ! endea
vored to sap the mountainous heap al its base,
and shutting my eyes and opening my mouth,
to inhume AS large masses as c0ad without
I stepping TO taste it.. But my stomach soon
began, intelligib'y enough, to intimate It's in
tentiun to admit no more OF this nauseous
( stranger beneath its root, il not even OF ex-
I peliing that which had already gained un-
welcome adlnitiance
The seriousness Of the task had underta-
ken, and the resolution necessary 10 execute
it, had given an earnestness and rapidity 10
my exertions which appetite would not have
inspired; when my plate, having some how
got over the edge OF the table, upon my lean
ing forward tilted up, and down Sid the dis
gushing mass into nv lap NV handkerchief,
unahle TO bear 50 weighty a load, bent under
in its turn, and great proportion o. 1t was
thus safeiy deposited in my hat. The plate
instantly righteu itself, as l raised my person;
anu as pitfiCcu MY eye iboho tii's top'Ss "i'N
saw that no one had noticed my disaster,
| inwardly congratulated myself that The nau
seous deception was so happily disposed Ct.
Resolving not to be detect, d instantly roll
! ed my handkerchief together with all its re-
naming contents, and whipped 1t into my
pocket.
The dnner table was at length deserted
! for the drawing room, where coffee aud Il
! oyeys. were served round. Meantime, |
! sought out what considered safe hiding
( Mace for my hat. beneath chair in the dI-
! ming room, Cor | dared not CARR il longer in
| nav hand, having first thrown morsel ofpa-
per into the crown, 10 hide the caulflower
! from view. should any one chance, IN seek
/ ing for his own hat, 10 look into mine
! On nv return to the drawing room. lcban-
| ced to be again seated by the lady, bywhom
| had set at dinner Our conversation was
naturally resumed: and we were IN the midst
! of AIN animated discussion, when huge spi-
| der was seen running like race horse, up
/ her arm
Take il off--take it off she calculated. in
| a terrified tone.
| sas always afraid of spiders; 80 TO avoid
| touching him with my hand, | caught my
| handkerchief from my pocket, and clapped
| it at once upon the niircreant, who was al,
| ready mounting over her temple with rapid
| strides. Gracious Heaven! | had f,rsotten
| the canlinswer, which now plastered over
| her face like an emollient poultice. fairly Kill
ing the spider. aud binding an eye OF the
lady: while little stream lets OF soft butter,
| glided gently down her beautiful neck and