Litchfield enquirer., 1831-08-18

Wlinelmlna Sulietea flgweed Snaggs, Ofthis | city, who died day before yesterday of a cucumber which she unfortunately ate with | her dinner, about six weeks ago-thus in- 1 contestibly proving what we lately assert ed, that cncumbers are slow poison. The l fate of Miss Snaggs is the more to be la- mented, as we understand she was just on the eve of matrimony with wealthy and l respectable merchant, who does a whole l sale business in PeaFl-street, and who is said to be incOnsOlable for her loss.
 F. S.-Since the above was in type, we are informed that the bereaved genile- man, whose name is Couldentbearit, being resolved not to survive the object of his af- factions. deliberately swallowed peck of whole cucumbers without pepper or salt, and died in the space of fifteen minutes the slow poison in this case being convert ed into quick ore by the enormiiy of the dose. In conclusion, this should be n warning to all persons, and especially to those who are m love, to beware how they meddle with cucumbers.'
 At another time the Captain inserts a notice like the following :--- COrOser's Inquest.-Picked up this morning, in the dock, near the bottom of Fulton-street, the body of an unknown man, dressed in a blue coat, white vest, checked pantaloons, and striped shirt. lie was seen yesterday afternoon going in- 1 10 an eating house, near the market, where he is believed to have eaten large platef;,l of sliced cucumbers-in conseuaence of which he is supposed to have fallen into the river and drowned. Verdict-D Died of CRcumbers."
 Sometimes the captain is found at din- ner table, looking anxiously from one end of the board to the other, warning the guests not to indulge in cucumbers, and learnedly expatiating on the chemical, dys- peptical, indigestible and destructive prop- critics of the tempting vegetable.
 An, MT. Corndower, don't eat those cucumbers." ,l. Not eat them, sir! and wherefore shonldn't eat them !''
 They are so unhealthy SO danger-
 2" They may be dangerous for you, Capt. Megrim, but I'm sure they are healthy for me.''
 q" You're quite mistaken, assure you,
 Mir. Cornfower."
 " Mistaken Bounds, man, don't I know what is for my own health, as well as you do ?''
 You may imagine so-but I again as- sure you of the truth of what say. I've made cucumbers my study for these forty years, and certainly ought to know.''
 And I've been eating them these fifty years, and therefore do know, that they are perfectly healthy.'
 Y beg your pardon, sir, but you are cer- fainly naistol<on-s
 ..,! q beg yo.r ,,, pardon, sir. but you're cer-
 1" A fool, MT. CornAower fool !n
 "Ay, a fool-and so is every other man who pretcnds to direct me in the choice of diet. as though I didn't know as we'll as the sheep and cattle on my farm, what is good for me. One animal likes one thing. and another, another. An ass muncl,es thist- les, while horse is eating clover. Shall the ass say to the horse-.-s Look you. MT. Bucephalus, that clover which you are eat ing is very hurtfll.' Hurtfal! I've eaten 1t for these ten years, and never found it SOL 50 you may imagine---but my name is Donkey, and sure ought to know. Just try these thistles once.' Thank you. MT. Donkey---thistles may be very good for an ass, but for my part, I am very well satisfi- ed with clover.''
 But Captain Megrim does not confine his operations to writing, preaching, and the art of persuasion. He occasionally sallies forth and attacks with his own hand the object of his determined enmity.--oyer- turning stalls in the market, and plucking vines in the garden. His great zeal in these attacks subjects him to several incon- yeniences, to good deal of misconstruc- ton of motives, and to much personal in- dignity.
 It is not long since he came into Wash- ington Market and desired every basket of cucumbers to be thrown into the dock. And as bis request was not immediately complied with, he fell to like man at a days seizing and upsetting into the gutter every basket he could lay his hands on. Never was monkey in a china-shop more busy than was captain Megrim among Inc cucumbers. At first the market wo- men were astounded---paralyzed with a. But they were not long in re- covering their presence .of mind. and the E, use both of their tongues and their hands. |,
 What are you doing here. you imnn- dent blackguard l''
 I'm pouring out your cucumbers. yon sinners you.''
 ts I'll hour vOn os,f vom s,lA E.ss;,,..a....