Martinsburg gazette and public advertiser. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1826-1833, 1831-04-28
THE VICTIM OF TRIPLES.

OF the good, and his wealth secured him the
Difference OF such as only bow to worldly
prosperity. But the most delusiye estimates
OF happiness are those we erect on the basis
OF outward appearances. From these we de
eide that man ought to be happy, and set
hun down as such without farther inquiry
Happiness i, in the disposition, not in the out.
ward circumstances, and thus mainly depends
on ourselves.
The subject Of our story inherited from
both parents an impotence of trifes His IA
Their had net the patience to do any thing
that cost him moments difficulty. If he
turacd key the wrsBg way, ten TO one but
he broke 1t before he could bring himself to
turn 1t the other. In fact, he could not do a.
ny thing that required the least management
or delay, and fell into a passion ten ii,nes a
day about nothing. His mother left off sew
ing before she grew up, because she could
not endure the trouble Of threading needle.
In the nursery, young irhy broke all bis
playthinks because II was ice much trouble
to use them; at school the trouble Of learn
ing the multiplication table made him SO inn
patient that he tore it all TO pieces; and when
young man, never hit his foot against a
stuck or stone without giving il kick and
maledIctlon to boot. He could not hear a
crowd because he was impatient Of res traint,
nor solitude because he was impatient of ms
own company. He was often known to DELAY
reading favorite book merely for want of
patience to cut the leaves; and thus he miss
ed great portion Of the pleasures of cnioy-
ment solely on the score OF his detestation Of
The touble OF obtaining them. We recsllect
that one morning he was going on an excur
sion irem which he promised himself great
satisfaction, when pair Of new boots was
hpns rafIy Il.
the occasion. He was frettng with impa
tience to JOIN his party. Unfortunately they
did not go on as easily as glove; and after
two or three pulls, our hero got into such
passion that he swere great oath, and threw
one OF the boots with such violence from him
that it upset the inkstand and spoiled his
Carpet This caused him TO fall into a still
greater passion; he fired away the other and
broke his looking glass
For these tive aiTocious offences, he finally
threw them beth out Of the window with such
violence that he broke the head of an honest
person who happened TO be passing; at the
same time denouncing the physical cori for
nation oil man, whe being predestined to
wear boots, was accommodated with heel,
as IL on purpose TO prevent his putting them
on. He was SO affronted at all these sore ai-
fllctions, that he determined not 10 20 Oh the
excursion. The next day he had to pay
round sum for breaking the poor mans pate,
which made him ten times more impatient
than ever.
Oar hero found the life of bachelor so
full OF little troubles, cares and vexatiens,
that he resolved in a fit Of impotence to mar
ry Accordingly he reflected at least five
minutes, when he got out of paiieLce with
thinking, and determined to have no more
trouble of that sort. He decided at once, sal
lied forth, and knocked at the door Of the fair
Julia, whom lac intended TO address instanter
The servant was so long coming, that he was
out of all patience, and turned away in dis
gust, determined to have nothing TO say TO
the fair Julia, who kept him waiting Whole
minute at the door.
He bent his course to the dwelling Of ano
ther fair lady, and unluckiiy found the ser
want on the steps shaking rug, which raised
a cloud of dust, which SO seriously neon
NODDED him, that he went away in great wrath
without saying word.
From thence he proceeded to visit thepret
ty, sprightly brunette Eleanor, and Fortunate
ly was neither delayed at the door nordriven
parlor, and told the lady would be down pre-
sently. He waited quarter Of a minute. s
then began te d. um violently on the table
lie waited another quarter, and fidgeted
raWnd the room three or four times. Sill
the provoking damsel did not come. "Shc's
enough to tire the patience of a saint" quo'h
our hero, and stalkcd out of the reom in
lit OF irnpatience. The street door had
spring lock, which delayed him an instant
ana Threw bum into an ecstacy Of lrettulness;
he slammed the doer so hard that he alarm
ed all The old rats in the house.
Fortunately be at length found adnittapce
into dwelling, the door Of which was open,
and the young lady already in the parIor. lie
paid his compliments in speech she could
scarcely comprehend, for he had not patierce
to speak slow The lady was rather slow in
answering, and our hero was jsst getting out
J of all patience; but he restrained himself
with wonderful self cossmand, and an agree
| able conversation ensued. He was astonish
| ed TO find when he went away, that his visit
| had actually lasted fifteen minutes during all
which time he had not once get out OF pa
| tiehce.
lie went the next day, and found the old
lady in the parlcr, who pretty nearly annihi-
lated him with an account OF an attack OF the
rheumatism. We powers! how he did fdget,
and stretch out his legs, and twIrl bis hat, and
drum on the arm chair! He was just on the
point Of giving up the ghost when great re-
volution took place. The young lady came
in and the old lady departed AIR lrby thst
the former one of the most charming OF her
sex, only she talked little toe slow for him.
She was indeed model Of meeknsss, pa
l..