Herald of the times. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1830-1846, 1831-09-15
and shall look as often at the reverse a.
the diverse of "things in general"


Dull Men. Blessings be on dull
men-I do not mean the dull men who
won't talk, but the dull men who will
They are sleepy physicians-her minis
ters preaching peace and sound slImbers
to all men. Take an example. .-One OF
this good sort of persons sups with you at
eleven, talks at you till one; you in the
mean time compose yourself IN your arm
chair, tit your elbows comfortably IN the
corners, cross your legs, mix your grog,
light your cigar, and resign yourself, like
philosopher, to late lecture. AT two
perhaps you have had occasion to say
ayes" thrice, "No sure?" twice or so;
"Indeed" about the same number OF
times; and this is all it has cost you tor
soporifc. which, made up OF me dlcal ma
terials, would come to a crown at least.
From two till half past two, he is himself
some what silent; his whiffs and his words
come forth like the companions OF the
ark, two and two; and you observe, with
out surprise, that he is run down. In a
few minutes more, he looks at his watch,
and remarks that "lt is time to go"-
that is, he perceives that you are super
saturated with sleep: you persuade the
other glass; he refuses it; then you yawn
your widest, beg his pardon, and bid him
Good night" He goes home, happy
that he has been listened to with so much
of deierential silence; you stumble up to
your chamber, with such an entire reslg-
nation to the inevitable necessity Of sleep,
that pulling off your clothes seems an abb
surd delay, and you are off in minute
to the district Of dreams, and rise, next
day, with no headache, and with seren-
ity of mind which is unknown to the low
ers of clubs and such like noisy congre-
cations of men. But for the scnseless
preIudices of mankind, such man as l
have described would be "taken" as will
lingly as we take spring physic, & court
ed, not cut; Tor
"Blessng goes with him whcresos'er he goss."-
the blessing Of sleep.
CHILDREN you are a father, pre-
vent, if possible, your daughters from
squirting or lisping, aud your sons from
growing up with caret knees-thus A,
or legs like parenthesis-thus I )-ior
these defects, if allowed to ''grow with
their growth, and strengthen with their
Strength" are sure to iniatuate them with
the stage as "a profession. l have assist
ed, as the French say, at some few Prl-
vate plays, and never met with an anna
tour Romeo or Juliet but had one OF
these defects in high perfection, if not
some one more impossible and provok-
ing. AS a general rule, keep your chill
dren's legs straight, and learn them to-
look right before them, and they may be-
come useful members Of society; reverse
the rule, and you make them vagabonds.
WAITERs.-I always endeavor to be
liberal with walters, and ''such small
deer" and | reckon that l save ten
pounds year by so doing; for you will
not pay. them, they will pay themselves.
l get the iresbest chops, the best otg ars,
and civil good night, with the use Of
an umbrella when it rains, by this simple
expedient; whereas observe that your
niggardly rewarders, are always 'toI
seek" for one or more of these comforts
OF life. 1t is the way of the world, from
the peer to the postboy: we serve those
persons with most pleasure from whom we
derive most profit.
SEcRETs.-The easiest way Of keep
ing a secret, is, to forget it as soon as
communicated You may have a con-
siderable reputation for confidence in this
matter, thus easily acquired. The only
secret worth knowing in this life is, how
one man contrives to be better than "a
mother, all the rest is mere alchemy.
SELF-PRAIsE i never believe in the
virtues of man who makes an inventory
OF them, and boasts of the items, for three
reasons; the first is, can't
TABLE PRoFEssIoNs-I make it rule
not to do more than politely to listen to
second bottle professions Of friendship s.
protlers OF service to the last shilling. -
1t is true, render myself liable to the
suspicion OF doubling that the light of a
Will o the Wisp is not so safe to steer
by as that Of Eddystone, & that shoot
ing star is not so sure guide as fixed
one; but no matter; we are all, every
Smith of us, as heterodox in some article
or other; ;bottle-friendships and bottle pro-
fessions are those in which l have no
faith so large as grain of mustard seed.
| leave them both to the house-maid, to
be carried away with the corks when she