The Arkansas advocate., 1831-04-13


 gard for bis soll-in-law, and as a proof of it, promised every quarter to settle my family cxpenses-proyidcd they did not exceed his own.
 Tom. Ha! ha! ha! That was liberal fly indced-but your furniture-yonr horses-carriages and other ct ceteras of fashionable house-keeper-they were at your disposal, presume?
 Joe. yes-under a ccrtainmortgage to my prudent father-in-law. In short, l was put under as complete restriction as the veriest noneompose in the city, All ] wonder at is, that he did not get himself appointed my guardian.
 Tom. Or have appointed your wife she would then have been your guardian angel with vengeance. But how did she conduct herself, like prudent and atfectionate rib?
 Joe. Why yes-for a time, she was all sweetness and good iiiafnoT. At the springs, where @e went imnsediateIy en our nuptials; she was as discreet as a nun, and never lounged, except under the arms of her husband.
 Tom. That was conjugal, indeed!
 Joe. Herpapa'seye was ever upon US, and his tongue perpetually chanting our praise-but my old acquaintance shrug- ged their sholders when they passed and looked askance-if l remember right, Tom, you were of the number.
 Tom. At the springs, did you say?- Oh! l have faint recollection of the fact--a new married couple were there they told me it was my old friend Joe, but he looked so altered I didn't know him, blow me! if l did.
 Joe. After we came from the springs. we took n house in the city--a second rate establishment Of my wife's father, which for q six month before, had been unoccupied, except by pair of Dutch rats and their family.
 Tom. That was to rot-ify the marriage contract, ] supposevbut what then?
 Joe. Then came the parties on my wlte's account, made by a score of her family acquaintance, for no other pur- pose but to catch some unwary fellow in the same trap with myself
 Tom. But every hedy admired the grace with which you acquitted yourself on these occasions, and pronounced you the happiest and prettiest couple in the city-}ou were all the rage till the Sia- mese twins came along.
 Joe. But the worst was yet to come.-- After 1 had been trotted out among my wife's aunts, uncles and cousins, she in- sisted upon going the round among my relations.
 Tom. And did you not gratify so req sonablesa request?
 Joe. Onee-I took her, one pleasant afternoonto my grandmother's at Bloom ingdale, and there we promenaded through her delightful garden.
 Tom. Quite Adam-and-Ey rpon honor!
 Joe. The ground being soft and mud dy, we left the print of our footsteps on the clean white floor of my grandmoth- er's best barbour. The old lady read us Ia sound lecture on neatness and the re- putation of my Dutch ancestors for that immaculate virtue. This specimen of my relations sufficed my wife, and heard no more of visiting them.
 Tom. Quite sufficient for a moderate woman, l should judge--but how did things go on in the family circle.
 Joe. An! Tom, spare me the recital of my domestic afiictions--I always en- deayoF to put on cheerful coantenancc when company come in, but as soon as they are gone, kill time as am able.
 Tom. take--I take--you raise d matrimonial breeze just to break the mo- notony of the scene and drive on the blues.
 Joe. You hit it there, Tom, though the storm is generally of my wife's own brewing. If saya word without pre- facing it with ''my dear"-or s'my .4n- gel-ina"-as l was won't to call her be- fore my narriage-she takes me to task for my unkindness and want of conjugal affection that puts me out of humor, you know.
 Tom. Why, what would the woman want ?-But you do not retort, trust.
 Joe. Not exactly-but l always feel confoundedly vexed, and think what fool l was for marrying her, and then asf she read my thoughts on these occasions, sine always thursls in a word about the large fortune and respectable