Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1830-04-10

number of Flint's Western Review, but Will suit
other periodicals. quite as we'll
TO OUR DELINQUENT SUBSCRIBERS.
Our collector and publisher has been, for some
months. requesting us to grant him little cor
nov in which he NAV pronounce short discourse
to Won. His request seeming but reasonable, we
have consented. May he avail himself of words
of mower: and may you hear, and perpend. You
have ONLY to suppose him on stump, and your
selves listeners while he addresses YOU follows:
Beloved-I so call you, because it is my voca-
tion. and habit. But there would be more sim
ceritv in the phrase, if you had all paid me-
Time is on the wing; and the contamination OF
nv third volume is at hand; and, though have
watched the mail, even as the eyes of a servant
are Oh his master, you are not yet prepared tor
that crisis Mr.. Willis, and other dainty edit
ors. who consort only with those who are clad in
scarlet and fine linen. privileged to speak OF
the and pro quo, as the Romans did of death and
the ftrieS, calling the one decease, and the other
venerable sisters. This softened and periphrastic
speech is in good keeping with the voluptuous
study of centre table, Turkey carpet, damask
curtains, softened lights, and the white handed,
fair haired, ROSY checked and fascinating lnmates
am compelled to strike a graver key, to harp
deeper string; and to deal with paper makers,
printers and binders-men of stern faces, lacOnlc
speech, and infexible gravity, who understand
not softenings and circumlOcutions. and who hold
compliments. in lieu of reality, in abhorrence.-
They are. moreover, bigoted observers of set
DAYS and certain ceremonies of restitution for the
past, and pledges for the future.
Beloved, understanding it as aforesaid. no man
knoweth what sorts of people make up this world,
as the publisher of such journal as mine; espe-
ciallv, if those who subscribe live on thousand
hills. and all the way from Maine to Mexico, and
imagine that they are not cOmeatable, by rea-
son of their distance, by the strong arm of the
law. print my terms on every cover: and
challenge human speech to make them palmer
But have paid the postage of more than hun
dred letters, quibbling and disputng with me. as
though that would pay the debt. Some complain
that they were coaxed into subscription. am
sorry for your easiness and folly. Pay up, and
be more hard hearted and cautious next time
Others find fault with the matter, style and SEN
timents of the Review. That proves. beloved,
one of two things-that either you, or the editor,
do not know every thing. Some complain that
we do not charge enough. and allege inability to
find bills of three and four dollars. | have to
suggest cure for that evil. furnish more mat
ter vide my large page and small type than the
five dollar monthlies. Suppose you take the whim
of munifcence, and enclose me five dollars. As
for the patronage, of which some of you talk.
whip me those patrons who do not pay. would
none of them. You owe me among YOU three
thousand dollars. hope that your Opulence Is
such, that it seems tlitiing matter to YOU. But,
if you knew how affairs are with me, YOU would
not wonder that am in good earnest while ex-
postulate and colloquize with with you. The
IL I'LL ,,lc h.,
trihe, and sport to YOU; but the deficit of the
sum total is death to me.
We pride ourselves in the backwoods upon be-
inc original, and perpendicular, like the blow of
a hammer. | have project, beloved, for the
collection of what you owe me, which | impart
to you in confidence, and sub rosa wish it
NAV 90 into an example. twill do more for the
public honor and honesty, than thousand SER
mons. My subscription list embraces as honor
able and as respectable names as our country can
furnish. By way of contrast, | propose, in the
last number of the third volume, beloved, to make
out list of my delinquent subscribers. Delin-
quency for one year shall be marked BY one star.
as thus (s)-and so on according to your arrears
When my Review shall be translated into foreign
languages, and shall run on to many editions, how
elevating to your sons to that their anceS
tor was not pacha of three tails, but knight of
three stars. Observe, moreover, that YOU will
not only see your name among the stars, but that
this will in no wise exempt you from the vista
ton of our long sided friend. who traveleth with
bills up and down the earth, and to and fro in it.
resardeth no mans person, and dealeth directly
with our friend, the attorney. Therefore, below
ed, beseech you, pay me what We owe. As
soon as the glorious word Paid is written against
your name, it seems in my eye to radiate with
kind of glory. look at it with the warnings of
the purest affection. Make no scruples about the
difficulty of obtaining threes and fours-but mag
unanimously enclose the easy and common demo-
mination fire. Have no missivings about the
safety of our uncle's letter bags. Warrant me,
if you go through the actual ceremony of dropping
the money into them. it comes direct to me.
cannot but hope, that YOU will not compel me to
make YOU knight of the star.
For the rest, intend to give those Of you who
yield me the effective patronage of paying me, the
Review for another year on new and handsome
paper and type. You may, possibly, lie under
the mistake of imagining my editor the worse for
the wear. No such thing. There are, as |