Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1830-01-25

That mad thy yOtarteS are, my CUSTOMS Nah'
Should every coxcomb still pursue this rule,
Twill rid the world of many useless fool.
At Birth night Ball SrRurrILIus, they say,
A slice of plum-cak PLACID with care away,
Anticipating soon to share the same
With some dear friend OF youthful besuteous dame.
LorHARIo CHANGED to find the cake secreted,
Drew forth the precious prize, and strsghtway eat It,
lie ragged and swore, determinations past,
And every word grew fercer than the last,
Till even at length warm the contest grew,
formal challenge met with honor due.
Each thought the other (and doubt thought rght)
Too much coward willingly to fight;
But still forgot ,ha, even the bastard can,
IN sceass like this, assume The mighty man.
How contumelious had the cynic smiled,
To see these fops, by Honors shade beguiPd,
Their peace. their virtue. their existence stake.
And all for what, ~ psltry piece Of cake!
But some kind friend, who knew III appointed hour,
To arrest their progress clsim'd the civil power
That power which wisely curbs the idiots rage,
And gives to sots and lunstics a cage.
Not such the issue. with importance fraught.
When bold McD- with great c. fought,
Although perhaps their fierce contention grew
Prom things more triiing still, in Reasons view.
No lapse of time their rancor could assause,
No distance cool-no friends abate their rage.
Oh! Heavenly Muse! while their deeds rehearse,
With their dignity inspire my
Then ere their arms the opposing knights essay'd,
McD- thus his guardian Goddess pray d:
"Oh! heavenly Venus! from high descend,
/" Thy modern Paris 'ganst his foe defend"
She hears-she comes-borne on soft Zephyr's wings
A silken garment round her she aings,
His beauteous temples battles with fragrant dew
DistilPd from plants that in Elysium grew
wondr US wash, whose magic power is such
No ball can pierce it, and no sword can touch;
To weakest nerves iron strength imPart,
And breathe fresh vigor DER the coward heart,
Sacred the name BY which above tits known,
But here earth tits Hater Of Cologne.
In this she stespss 'kerchief pure and white,
To hold before him in the hour Of fight.
But still more strongly to express her cares.
She strips the sacred armor that she wears,
Composed of steel, Respondent to behold.
And plant whslebone, wraPpd with many foldi
The various parts siIken web connects
Corsets they're calpd among the softer
His slender waist with these so firm she bound,
The hero's heart no ball can ever wound
"stay. little heart" the smiling Goddess cried,
"Beat not so fearfully against his side;
" This very that my love imparts
Defends the fopling, too from Cupid's darts"
But see great G., how he struts along,
Like Men laus from the 0recian throng.
Sure of Nnerva's aid, H. feels no fear,
Disdains in sken garments to appears
No ball within his heart can ever lodge,
For sage Minerva laugh: him-how to dodge.
To shield that noble heart, he bows his head,
For lead can't enter where there's nought but lead
Dreadful the onset when such foes engage,
And shake the 6e"u monde with their mighty rage.
This conflict would Mxonides portray
BY raging lions rushing Oh the prey;
But since no lions in our forest live,
Such as We have, such must the minstrel give
Then aam'd the ardor of each hero's rage.
As when fierce tom.csts for bone engage;
How Ash Their ye-balls with destructive fire,
How do their backs in lofty curves aspire;
High wave their tails AMID the ambient air,
Uplfted clswsfor mutual strife prepare.
The OIL what clamor fills the space around,
Whist fakes Of hair are scsuer'd Ger the srou,d
THUS ends the fray, in csmor and in scratches,
So well each foe the opposing hero matcaes--
oh. say. We Muses!-say. ye sacred Nine!
How then McD-- fell to earth supine;
His Seauteous arm deep incsion feels,
And all the hero sinking-sicknng. yields.
oh! heavenly Venus. oear him from the fight.
Veii him, like Paris, from each hu man sight;