Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1830-06-21
From an English Paper.
MISERIES OF TAKING THE CENSUS.

tA4l VI Az tAGSA oAA>N -
Mrs. Oldish, upon which | said, | believed she
was not 4 widow. That is no business Of
yours, Mr.. WhigginbottOm, put me down Mrs.
Oldish.' Indeed | cannot, madam l replied,
1 dare not make a false RETURN l wrote down
Miss Zepheria 0ldish. | next demanded what
are? She here faultered exceedingly, blushed
!. and looked pale by turns, and then, amid con-
sulsive agitatiou5, she artlculated, that 10 OF no
consequences, they can't want me tor the militia
Madam said |, there IS a penalty 1T an I'M
,auper answer is given; | must write down the
truth Now, more aSitated, she stammered,
Don't threaten me, MIR. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
be impertinent-the government Is unreasonable,
oppressive. What pretty times we live in
What will it require next, | wonder" Here she
faultered still more in her speech, and appeared
10 be I'LL. sBettv!' she cried, Betty. ringing
the bell violently. .my sal uolatiIe. Do call
again, Mr.. WiggiabOttom; I'm III, indeed | am
very ILL., Not wishing TO appear rude, and be-
ing unsuspicious of trick, | left her, thinking to
cali next day. | did so, and, to my dismay.
found she had left Bungay for Scarborough that
morning, at day -break, beyond a doubt that she
might evade my question, as She knew the re-
turns must DC completed by a particular day. l
vas forced to leave 4 blank opposite her name in
the column Of ages in my book; but when she
comes back, | shall levy the full penalty.
ODOu CdlilLS at ltS HoOSC VI S'i'NilS AAuNs "
whom | was well known, my mind being made
no not to be batled, | commenced, as usual, bv
explaining the nature of my Grand. She red
deaed deep as scarlet. and wondered why the
: Government was so particular with unmarried per-
sons, and If they might not be returned IN a gene
raj wav. She affirmed that she had done all she
could for the support OF the church and state,
she had helped 10 work 4 standard Gor the Bun
gay LIGHT horse; had been careful never TO en-
ploy q tradesman who was a radical; had given
live pounds for the benefit Of the Constitu-
tional Association; had thrown up her s~ubscrip-
ton at the best circulating library in Norfolk,
because that audacious paper,the Morning Chronl-
Gle, had been taken in there; and athcr last whist
party had absolutely used dirty cards, because a
package which she had ordered from London had
not arrived; and she could procure none in her
ueighborhOod, bat at a shop the owner of which
had shocked her feelings, by declaring that he
thought 4 Methodist or Roman Catholic, If not
worth one shilling had as good a chance for hea-
ven as his Grace OF Canterbury. 'Now, Ebene-
nezer,' said she, you have long known me, and
know that | am a good subject, why then
must nv personal affairs be known TO all the
world?' MADAM, replied, the returns are
enly seen by Government in London Non
sense size reioineA, don't think to cheat me.
You have a wife. Mr. Wigginbottom, curious as
married women ALWAYS are-hushandS can't keep
secrets. Won will let it out TO her, and thu whole
town will have it. No, no, you can only levy
the cue for cOntImaCY-eXact It-there - a live
pound note--do vour worst Having SAID this.
sae marched out of the room with Il stately ar Jf
triumphant scorn, mutterlng revenge tor the ar
bitrary conduct of Government. and SAYING some
thing about ingratitudc of persons in authority.
A few DAYS after. | heard she had given largely
towards the erection of a Methodist chapel, sub
scribed to the circulating library, and had been
heard to argue stoutly for Major Cartwright's sys-
tenn of universal suffrage.
A lady, a good customer of mine. (for YOU know
Mr.. Editor, that | deal a little in the way of snuff
and tobacco, besides groceries and hardware re-
fused to see me on the subject of the Population
act, but ordered her servant to give me what par
~ticulars were necessary, and to Show me her fam
lily bible, where her aye was inscribed. There
she was entered thirty-hine, though l am certain
il should have been ten years more. The figure
three appeared newly written in, upon an erazurc
which had no doubt Obliteratcd a four. | did not
wish TO be ~litigious in this case, indeed the law
could not have helped me without farther proof,
sol made the entry-EAbigail Scragss, spinster,
SO, and went away, fully convinced | had been
mystiied.'
The pertiuacltv of the ladies, according to my
late experience, is exceeded by that of the other
sex. I met with much trouble from single men.
/ am well aware of the irritability Of the genus,
and that it is susceptible of acute pain on the at
tacks of curiosity, as is lives, like the garden
SPIDER. in the centre of it's own web, the vibra-
ton of a single cord of which induces the mealy
cuticle which covers its angular phisiognomy, to
nut on a fever redness and the Rridi occhi, as
Tasso calls them, or, in plain English, the 'livid
ewes, engulphed therein. IN Hash, what the lake
poets sublinely denominate an ''emeraid llght''
for be it known, that greenness of color and NOR
biduess. have more than a common affinity; and
dictatorship is according to the best medical
practitioners. a state of actual disease. | called
twice upon Mr.. Theophilus Weazel, "a gentleman
of this description, aged ffty-three years. The
first time / could not be admitted, as Mr.. Weaz-
eli had employed an artist of celebrity in surgery,
in the important operation of cutting and mollify-