Martinsburg gazette and public advertiser. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1826-1833, 1830-02-18

this last description Of missiles, il missiles
they might be called, that never miss'd, an
noyed me more than all the rest, howeve
there was no remedy. There was forced {,
stand taking up my livery, and vii,
livery II was; or, as the wag expressed it, "be
ing made free of the Po!tmongers."
IL was time to appeal to my resources
had read, somewhere, Of an Italian, who, b,
dint Of mental abstraction, had rendered HIM
sell unconscious of the racks, and, while the
executioners were tugging, wrenching, twist
ing, disIocating and breaking joints, sinew.
and bones. was perchance, in fancy only, per.
forming his diurnal gymnastics, or undergo.
ing an amicable shampooing The pillory
was milder instrument than the rack, and
had naturally lively imagination. II seem
ed plausible, therefore, that might make shift
to bepeited IN my absence. To attain a scene
as remote as possible from pain, selected
one OF absolute pleasure for the experiment
no other, in truth, than that Persian Paradise
the Garden Of Gul, at the Feast of Roses-
tlapping the wings Of Fancy, with all nv
might was speedily in those Bowers of Bliss
and at high romps with Honri and Peri
"fa',s ing roses at each other"
But, alasl for mental abstraction! The very
first bud hit me with stone like vehemence
my next rose, of the cabbage kind
breathed only rank cabbage fragrance---and
In another moment, the claws ola flying cal
scratched me back into myself; and there
was again. in full pelt in the pillory.
! My first fifteen minutes, the only quarter
met with, had now elapsed, and my face wal
turned towards the East. The first OBJ ect my
eye fell upon, was heap of Macadamization;
and confess | never thought of calculating
the number Of stones in such a hillick, till
saw the mob preparing to cast them up
respected to be Autographed on the spot
Instinct suggested to me that the only way to
save my life was by dying, so, dropping my
head and hands, and closing my last eye with
terrific groan, expired for the present
The russo took effect. Surprising me to be
defunct, the mob refused to kill me. Shouts
of "Murder! Shame! No Pillorylp burst from
all quarters: The Pipkin-monger abused the
Fish woman, who rated the School boys; they
IN turn, fell foul Of the Costemonger, who
was Kissing and sroaning at the whole assem-
bly,: and finally. philanthropic Constable
took the whole group into custody. In the
mean time, | was taken down, laid with a
sack over me in cart, and driven off to an
hospital my body seeming very proper pre-
sent to st. Bartholomew's or St. Thomas's,
but nay clothes fit for nothing but Guys
From the ~. Y. Courier and Enquirer.
The following may be original, but we have
strong suspicion Of having seen it before
However it is good, old or new
[ THE BACHELORS REGISTER.
At l6years incpient palpitations are mani
tested towards the young ladies. II, much
bushins and confusion occurs when address
cd hg hxn -
when in conversation with the ladies is much
increased 10, becomes angry if treated by
them as boy. 30, betrays great conscious
ness OF his own charms and manliness. 81,
looking glass becomes an indispensable piece
OF furniture IN his dressing room, and in
some instances finds its way into the pocket
20, insufierabe puppyism now exhibited IS,
thinks no woman good enough to enter the
marriage state with him. "a, is caught una
wares by the snare of Cupid. % the con-
nection broken off from self conceit on his
/ part 90, conducts himself with airs of much
superiority towards her. Of, pays his ad-
dresses to another lady, not without hope of
notifying the first. %. is mortified and
frantic on being refused %, rails against
4 the fair sex in general as heartless beings so,
seems morose and out Of humour in all con-
versations on matrimony. 81, contemplates
uidtiiuluHy uOfc unutF the influence Oh inter-
est than previously. 81, begins to consider
| personal beauty in wife not so indispensa-
bic as formerly. 50, still retains high opin-
ion of his attraction, as a husband. 81, con-
sequently has the hope that he may still mar
ry chicken. 50, falls deeply and violently
in love with one OF l7.--36, au dernier deses-
poir! another refusal. 81, INDUCES now in
every kind of dissipation. 80, shuns the best
partof the female sex, and finds consolation
for his spleen in the society of ladies of easy
dispositions. 80, cutters much remorse and
modification in so doiag 40. begins to think
he is growing old, yet still feels fresh bud
ing OF matrimonial ideas. but no spring shoots
al, nice buxom young widow begins to
perplex him. AZ, ventures to address her
with mixed sensations o love and interest
As, interest prevails, which causes much
cautious reflections. a, the widow jilts him
being full as cautious as himself IS, be-
comes every day more gloomy and averse to
the fair sex. As, equity and nervous symp-
toms now begin to assail him. Al, fears what
may become of him when he gets old and in
firm, but still persuades himselfhe is young
man. AS, thinks living alone irksome. 40
resolves to have prudent young woman as
jhousekeeper and companion. so, nervou:
affection about him, and frequent attacks Of
the govt. 81, much pleased with his new
housekeeper as nurse. So. begins to fee
some attachment to her. So, his pride re
volts at the idea of marrying her. 81, is il