The Rhode-Island Republican. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1809-1841, 1830-02-11


show cause why he refused or neglected
10 pay the sum Of u. Us 3d.; being the
balance Of an account alleged TO be due
from him to Miss Julia Slattery, of which
account the following is a true copy, as it
was handed into Court on behalf of the
plaintiff
"Mr. Tubbs too Miss Slatttery,
1929 Jenwary too Joon six month
in Strutchun too Miss Tubbs 6 90
Dedukt cash and cd thing 4 9 6
balans still doo II76
The Court, taking the singular orthog-
raphy of Miss Sattery's account into It's
consideration, asked her what kind of
instruction" she had givon Miss Tubbs
"Oh dear!" said Miss Slattery--',fnish-
ing instruction Of course. am peculiar
sorry to say that Miss Tubbs' education
has been neglected shamefuly through the
perspicutity Of her father, Mr.. Tubbs here;
and by her mama's desire gave her the
COO de grace"
The Court: That was finishing her with
a vengeance You don't mean TO Say you
kil!'d her.
"Heuvens above! what and orrible. ideal"
shrieked Miss Slattery. ".Ne kill her! Oh
dear No indeed, never QucSticuIaled such
thing"
The Court: "Then what do you mean.
Madam, by saying you had given her the
coup de grace ?"
"Why, of course, gave her the grace!"
replied Miss Slattery. "All the grace she
has got from me for Miss Tubbs, poor
thing had been SO shamGfuly put about
that she moo nothing. But by my superior
intuitions, and being herself extreme sedi-
cious in learning she is now fit for any
company, for I have gave her a grace in
the bearing herself in the ke-dytHe, (query,
qWGdyiHe J and in the reSuscitatiOn of her
lingering and in"
The Court: Well, Mr.. Tubbs, You hear
what the lady says--and perhaps you un-
derstand her better than we do. What
have you to say why we should not order
youto pay the claim?
Mr.. Tubbs: Why, l'vo got to say Ms
thie, Who employed she to be meddling
and making with my darter?
Miss Slattery Who employed me I was
not cmployed-I was engaged, Tubbs; and
as was engaged by your wife, who has
more sense In her thumb nail than YOU
have in your whole body-Tubbs!
Mr.. Tubbs: Very good, and now your
worships I'll just take & tell you all about it.
My wife says to to me, Tubbs: says she,
what do you think? don't know, says |.
Why, says she, there's nice old lady up in
Mrs. Dayis's two part front, wot's took a
notion to our Bridget-that's my darter,
your worships. Well, says |, and what Of
that /? for keeps coal shed your worships,
and does irifle in salt fish & green groce-
ry besides. Why, says my wife, saws she.
you know, Tubbs, Bridget's big weach
now; and if you'll let the old lady finish
her mp a bit in dancing and pannyforting,
she'll take it out in Goals and wedgytables;
says my wife TO me-just so. And with
that, says TO my wife, says I,--shut your
potato trap, Mrs. Tubbs, says l; and you
mind your business, and let Bridget mind
the shop; for III have no such tlthery hum.
ming and gallavanting, can and do assure
you, Mrs. Tubbs, says |. No, but Tubbs.
says she. Don't Tubbs' me, says |, I'll
have no more words about it-and with
that | thought II were all dropped; till one
morning as | were getting out of bed,
secs my wiie's pocket hanging out from
under her end of the bolster, and out of
tho eit of the pocket this here note were
sticking; Note handed into court and re d
by the clerk: Miss J. Slattery's compli.
ments to Mrs. and Miss Tubbes, and re-
quests the honor of their company TO a
quddrW party on Friday evening"
MIR. Tubbs, in continuation "Blow me!
your worships, ifyou might'nt have knock.
cd me down with feather, you might in.
deed. SO crumples up the note, and
drops il into my wife's mouth--for sho has
got an ugly knack of sleeping with her
mouth wide open, you'll understand; and
! whips on my things, and down stairs |
creeps, leaving her fast asleep with the
note in her mouth; and off goes to mar
ket to buy my green stuff and six sacks of
white. eye potatoes"
Here the court cut short Mr.. Tubbs's
narrative, by peremptorily ordering him to
state why he objected to pay.
"Wby, because laid an embargo upon
it," replied Mr.. Tubbs. II sent her word,
time after time, IL she quadriled my Bird.
get wouldn't be answerable. Iquadriled
with Mrs. Tubbs, and were everlasting
blowing up Bridget. But what can one
do ogen three women' 1t were all of no
use; say what would, do what | could,
my Goals, cash, and turnips. were ciandes.
iindied out Of my house to pay for the qua
drilling,& Ivcrily believe they d have dra.