Martinsburg gazette and public advertiser. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1826-1833, 1830-01-07
THE MARCH OF MIND:
a Tale of Criticized Friers.


of Criticized riars, YVES stout, easy, good
naturcd. middle aged gentleman who--to -
dept a mercantile phrase-was ''well to do in
the verdi" and bad long borne an exemplary
character throughout his ward for sobrety,
punetaaiitr, civity, and all those homely but
well-wearing qualities which we are apt to
associate with trade. Punctuality, however,
was the one leading feature of his mind,
which he carried to so extravagant a height,
that having formed a scale of moral duties,
he had placed it in the very front rank, side
by sije with honesty-or the art Of driving
good bargain-and justt,yo above temperance,
soberness, and chastity. Even in his social
hours, this peculiar trait of character decided
his predictions; for notwithstanding he was
much given to keeping up feasts and holidays,
\ and had high respect for Michalmas-Day
n Christmas Day, Twelfth-Day, New-Yedr's-
Day, Sc, yet he always expressed an lndIffer-
ent opinion of Easter, because, like an Irish
Y mans payday, it was seldom or never pune
4 tual. Next to this engrossng hobby was our
\ citizens adherence which he extended with
considerable impartiality to every branch of
literature. But DR.. Franklin's works formed
an exception. He pronounced his CONNER
cial maxims to be the chcfs-d purre ofgenus,
h and used to set them as large text-copies for
4 his son, when he and the school bill came
home together for the holidays from DIR.
Thicksculls academy at Camberwell. But
poetry our prosaic citizen could not for the
life Of him abide it. The only good thing, he
used to say he ever yet saw in verse was the
Rule of Three: and the only rhymes that had
the slightest reason to recommend them,
were "Thirty days hath September
To these opinions Mrs. SimplIins, like a du-
. tiful wife, never failed TO respond, Amen. In
person, this good lady was short and steutly
timbcred, with face ON which Law the full
sunshine of prosperity, in one broad UNMARRIED
grin. Three children were hers three
<'dear, delightful children" as their grand
mother by the fathers side never failed to
declare, when punctuany every New-Year's
Day, she presented them each with five
shilling piece, wrapt up in gilt-edged note-pa-
per. Thomas. the eldest, was slim, sckiy
youth, easy, conceited, and eighteen; Martha,
the second, was maiden Of more sensibility
than beauty; while Sophy. the Youngest and
sprightliest, to a considerable portion Of the
maternal shipper and the paternal circumfer
ence, added a fine expanse OF foot, which
spreading out semi -circularlv, like lady's
fan, at the toes gave peculiar weight and
safety to htf tread.
The habits of this amiable family were to
the tah unassuming as their Manners
They dIned al l O'Clock, with the exception
of Sundays, when the discussion of the roast
or boiled was, for fashion sake, adjourned to
five; took tea at six; supped at nine: and re-
tired to rest at ten. The Sabbath, however,
was a day not less of fashion thar of luxury.
The young folks-Thomas especially, who
was growing, and wanted nourishment-were
then INDUCED with two glasses of port wine
after dinner; and, at tea time, were made hap
py in the privilege of a "blow out' with one
or more friendly neighbours. Once every
year they went half-price to the Christina.
pantomimes, memorable epoch, which new
er failed to deprive them of sleep and disor-
ganize their nervous system for at least a
fortnight beforehand. Such were the habits
of the Simpkins' family, family rich, res
pcctable and orderly, until the March of
Mind, which our modern philosophers are
striving so hard to expedite, reduced them
from wealth TO poverty; and. from having
been the pride, compelled them to become
the pity of Criticized Friars
Every one must remember the strange be-
wildering enthusiasm excited by Sir Walter
SCOTS first appearance as novelist All
the world was Scott struck His songs were
set to music; fair hands painted fire-screens
from his incidents; play wrights dramatized
his heroes; and even the great Mr. Alderman
Dobhs himself was SO enrapturcd with his
descriptions Of Highland scenery, that he ac-
hudhg toOk an Hteiuc pace In tile inverness
mail, in order, as he shrewdiy remarked, ''to
judge for himself with his own eves"-a feat
he would infalibly have accomplished but
for two reasons first, that the coach passed
the most picturesque part of the highlands in
the night time, secondly, that the worthy al-
dcrman himself fell fast asleep during the best
part of his journey He returned home
however, as might have been expected, in
ccstacies.
Among the number Of those who caught
this poetic influenza in its most alarming
form. were the two Misses Spinks, daughter.
of Mr.. Common Council Spinks, once a
mighty man on Change, but who had lately
retired from business TO enjoy life, alternately
at his town house in Criticized Friars and hi.
charming summer villa at Newington Butts
near the Montpelier Tea Gardens. As these
young ladies lived next door TO MFR. Sinpkins
. and cultivated the gentilities Of society,"
little neuiraliged, perhaps by the circumstance
Of their intlulging in certain pleonastic pecu
harlcies OF aspiration, by virtue of which Tn
substantive ''air' would be accommodate,
with an h, end tllc adverb every" be trans
formed into & wherry--it may be REASONABLY
inferred that they werenuch looked up to b
EAs.r neighbours. The Misses Simpkins, i