The Rhode-Island Republican. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1809-1841, 1830-11-04

on my brain,--a ,cas he light .fhe Tempt
er's smiis,--and, almost laughed alond.
as the horrible thought of suicide started
before me. felt that might escape the
ordeal ofpublic corn and pity--that might
| bid the world and its falsehood de fiance;
ard by one manly effort the agony of an
existence, whose every breath was tor !
ment.
J NV resolution was fxcd,--I will never
see another morrowr said sternly, but
with cnlmness which almost astonlshed !
me. Indeed, seemed gifted with super. /
natural 6rmness. as ] made my arrange.
ments for the last day of suffering, which ]
was 10 endure. II was now noon. few !
/ friends were to dine with me--and pre-
pared to meet them. They came at the
hour appointed; with smiling faces and
warm and friendly greetings;a and receiv
ed them, as ifno,hing had happened, with
even more enthusiastic welcome than as
my wont. Oh--it is terrible to smile when
the heart is breaking--to talk lightly aud
freely and mirthiuly, when every feeling
of the mind is wrung with unutterabe sg-
ony--to miugle in the laugh and in the
gdy sallies ofconvival friendship,
With the difficult utterance Of one
Whose heart is with an iron nerve put down
Yet all this | endured--hour after hour
until my friends departed, and had press
ed their hands as at common parting.
while my heart whispered an eternal fare
/. well.
II was late when my friends left me. ]
walked out to look for the last time upon
Nature in her exceeding beauty, hard
ly acknowledged 10 myself that such was
, ny purposo-yct did feel that i, was so
! and that iVas taking a long farewell of
The beautiful things around me. The sun
vas Just setting: and the hills that rose like
the pillars of the blue horizon, were glow
ing with light. which was fast deserving
the vallics. Twas an evening Of Summer;
every thing was stil--not leaf stirred
in the dark oversha dowing foliage but, 81
= lent and beautiful rs q picture, the wide
= scenery Of rock and hill and stream and
>, woodland stretched away before me, and
familiar as it was, it seemed TO possess q
newRess and depth of beauty, beyond lis
t, ordinary appearance, as ifto aggravate the
e pangs Of tho last, long farewell.
: Never shall forget my sensations wher
/ the sun sunk down from my sight. II was
e like receiving the last look ofa dying friend
e should never see that Sun again! To 9th
IS crs he might bring life and health and 20,
on the morrow. --but to me he would neve
rise. AS this thought came upon me, fel
= q choking sensation in my throat, .tear
started in my eyes,. and my heart almos
20 wuvered from its purpose. But the ben
bow had only relaxed for single instant
il returned again to it's strong and abiding
tension.
- was alone in my chamber once more
~ A single lamp burned gloomily before me
!, and on the table, a, my side, stood glas
II Of luudanum. had written my las, lette
:, and had now only to drink the fata
" draught before me, and lie down to my las
:, sleep. Hooked at my watch. 1t was near
- ly eleven. Il may as well do It now, as ev
:" err said mentally, and my hand move,
l., towards the glass. But my courage faile'
y me; my hand shook; and it was some mo
= ments before could sufficiently quiet m
:, nerves to lift the glass containing the fata
I, liquid. The blood ran codnpon my hear
:, and my brain reeled, as again and again,
=, lifted the poison to my closed lips. 'I mus
- drink it.'.-.Whh desperate effort un
locked my cenched teeth. The glass wa
y a, my lips-..a has,y swallowing land tn
i deed was done!
il. ooh God, have mercy upon nc. I mur
ID INJURED as the empty glass from my hant
S. threw myself upon the bed. The few me
w ments OF consciousness that followed wcr
IN ms ages Of unutterable misery. ! felt tn,
70 what had done was beyond recall an
ne the phantom Of death, as il drew neare
| wore an aspect darker and more terrible
a, ,ho't of the coffin 1.-The shroud, and th
n, chill and narrow graves. land then m
or thoughts wandered into the vagueness an
%. mystery ofeternity. Twas rushing uncal
d: cd for into the presence Of pure and ju'
i'll God, with a spirit unrepen'ing and unaT
IN sealed. And tried to pray, and could no
rh and tried to speak aloud and there W.
,r. no sound. A heaviness. dull, strange to
d. per crept over me.-.and anon all was dar
and still.
OF
Of I started upright in my bed, and gaze
no around me with Wild stare. Anxious ar
r familiar faces were bending over mo; al
he a vehement "Thank God!' burst from mar
ID. lips. was yet in the land Of the livin
,ly The draught which had taken "A mixtu
,,h whose principal ingredient was perfect
III harmless. and which contained but sm'
N, proportion Of laudauum = had mistaken
ed my agitation for the real poison. My sic
of had been along one and il had effcctua|
he rcd emcd me from the purpose of suciC
ted "a snddcr and wiser man." have sin
, a pursued the path which seemed marked c
ho. as my duty. and awaited with quiet resi-
nh nation the'time of nv leporture