Wheeling compiler. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [i.e. W. Va.]) 1829-1831, 1830-02-10
MTsCETLANEo Us.
THE PHILOSOPHICAL APPLE WOMAN.
"My mind TO me a kingdom is. /"

L is nonsense to talk Of 'the learned
as being the only wise part of mankind
| There is many an uuleuered fellow whC
eau turn his wits to better account than Z
professor, while there are not a few Of the
erlditc who have hardly wisdom enough Il
90 in when It rains; not that We are altOge
Their of honest Dogberry's opinion, IL
write and read come by na;ure;' bat the
truth il, q man may have shrewd NOODLE
who never figured among the knowing
ones.
! was led 'nto these reflections by con
lteu,plshng, the other day, the philosopher
demeanor of an ancient apple woman on
Long Wharf This reflex of the oIdep
day, has kept her station there with her
y'ndibles Of fruit and gingerbread, time
lout Of mind, and save diurnal locomotOns
at morning and evening, she is as much
part and parcel of the BOSTON Pier as
lone Of the posts She has an absolute
immunity from all the vexations, rubs and
crosses which are 4 part Of the municipal
ECONOMY. Constahles do moi venture to
he ssucy to her; AIdermea make their
;manners bef re her; truckmen dare not
hustle her; hand-cartmen are mannerly, aud
aucGoneers dumb ia her presence.
She was talking with one Of our PrinCl
pal merchants, who stood OH the sidewalk
near her: he was munching an apple aud
grumblng ct hard tines
Terrible times, Mrs. --, terrible
times, people all failing; no money, don't
know what We are all coming to-"
"Ferrible times. indeed, Mr.. Snatch.
cop er lsthat your ship yonder"
Yes but she has cost me a mOnstFOus
sum. have mortgaged all my real es-
tate, and hired money 10 build her?"
That's an excellent plan, MIR. Snatch.
copper Every man would not have shown
so much prudence"
eyes; yes, am obliged to pay an E.
normous interest for the money; but then
| expect the voyage will bring mo III at
least fifty per cent"
Really, Sir, that is a magnificent pros.
eecj;snd when you have pocketed all this
profit what will you do with The mOneyW
81 mean 10 speculate % real estate, aud
buildn Ia, Of houses which shall clear nIe
tReRy five per. cent. upon the capital"
4And ehcu you have got the money
as of course you will, making such NICE
calcuhtiOns-whatu next"
"Then / will put it into manufacturing
stock. and make twenty-five per cent.
more
And then"
"And then will invest il in the rail
road stock, which will be just shout rea-
dy to Ike takeuup. shall clear tsIriy per
cent. more by It,"
And theH--"
"And tIen l will commence undsrWri-
ter, and in short time double the whole"
"And then, Mr.. Snatchcopper, after you
have made fifty per cent. by the voyage
twenty-five per cent. by the real estate
speculation, twenty-five per cent. by the
manufactures, thirty per cent. by the rail
road, and double the whole by underwent
ug, what will you do with the grand
totull"
"Pu, i. into the funds and live on the
lterest."
GLOW much are you worth now, Siri"
"They tax me for fifty thousand dol
lars
IAN Of which, you aro riskins upon this
chancel"
Yes. really think 1t a great plan"
$50 do /. Mr.. Suatchcopper; bat how
did YOU contrve to raise the money 80
quick Tor this undertaking."
oh only by endorsing for few Of my
rrendp, all safe enough"
He had hardly said this, when some one
came running up-Oh! Mr.. SnaichcopPcf,
have YOU heard the neEsl-Three Elluresl
p. and q, and x, all
gone.
Mercy on me, " exclaimed Mr.. Snatch.
cooper. "lhsn am ruined; | have on
dorsed for them ALL" So saying, he was
IF like dash Of lightning.
.Therep 81 4 tho philosophical apple
WI nan, THAT is the way It has gone these
fifty years. Empires are overturned and
fortunes q to ruin, bu, my table keeps on
its legs. lark NO PROJECTS"
Boston GG!aIy.
CIRCULATION OF COINS.
EItracf from .ur. Sanford RePOTt.
All tho Spanish coins are reduced IN va.