Wheeling compiler. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [i.e. W. Va.]) 1829-1831, 1830-06-30
MISCELLANEOUS.
LF4om the New Yor, Constellation
TAKING THE CENSUS.
SCENE-.4 house IN the couatru.

ScENE-.4 house IN the country.
Iqqaisitor. Good morning madam. Is
the head Of the family al home!
Mrs. Touel,go0d. Yes, sir, Tn at
home.
Ing. Hav'nt you a husbandl
Mrs. Z. Yes, sir, but he ant the head
Of the family, Ia have you to know.
Ing How many persons have you IN
your famllyl
Mrs L. Why bless me sir, what's that
to you! You're mighty iaquisitiye, /
think.
Ing. Pm the man that takes the census.
Mrs. T. lfyou was a man in your SEN
SIS, you wouldn't ak such impairment
questions.
Ing. Don't be affronted, old lady, but
answer my questions as ask hem.
Mrs. 4. Answer "a fool according to
his f3ll"-you know what the scripture
says. OHhdy, indeed
Ing. / beg your pardon, Madam; but /
don't caro- about hearing Scripture Just at
present I'm bound TO 90 according to
law aud not according 10 gospel.
Mrs L. ! should ;h.nk you went nei-
I Their according to law nor gospel What
business Is it to YOU to inquire into lo!kscs
affairs, Mr.. Ihlngumbob!
Ing. The law makes it my business, good
woman, and if you don't want to expose
yourselfto its penalties, you must answer
my questions.
Mrs Z. Oh, il is the law, IS ~ That
alters the case. But I should Ike to
know what the law has with peoples house
+ hold matters.
Ing Why Congress made the law,
and fit dos'ut please you, you mus, talk
to them.
/ Mrs. T. Talk to- a fiddle stick Why,
I Congress is a looh and you're another.
5 Ing. Now, good lady, you're fine look
ing woman and EyoulI only give me a
few civil answers, TN thank you. What I
wish TO know first IS, how many persons
/ there are IN your family.
Mrs. z. lie, me see, Counting on her
fingers, there's and my husband Is
one
Ina. Two you mean.
Ms Y Don't pat me out now, Mr.
Thincummy. There's ! and my husband
is oue-
Ia. Are you always oue}
3irs. z. What's that TO You, should
like 10 know. But tell YOU if you don't
leave OF m,cuupung me, wont say ano-
Their word.
Ing. Well, take your own way, and be
hanged to you.
.Nrs. T. I will take my own way and
no thanks to YOU (Agaia counting on
her fingers There's aud my husbands
one; there's John, he's two; Peter Is three,
Sue and Mol, are four; and Thomas is
FIVE. And then there's Mr.. Jeukins and
his wife and the two children Is SIX; and
lhere's FOWLER he's seven
+ hq. JowlerI Who's he}
Mrs. Z. Who's fowler! Why, who
should he be but the old house dog?
Ina. It's the number Of persons ! want
/ TO know
| AIRS. T. Very well, Mr.. FjpperpIn,
amt Jowler personl Come here, Jow-
Ter, and speak for yourself Pam sure
/ he's as personable a dog as there is in the
whole Stale.
/ Ina He's a very clever dog no doubt.
( But IT'S the number ofhuman beings want
to know.
[ .lTrs. Z. Human There ain't a more
human dog ever breathed.
Eqg: Well, but / mean the two-legged
kind of beings.
Mr.. Il. o, the two legged is itl Well
then. there's the old rooster, he's seven;
ths dghuu cock is eight, and the bantam
. is nine
IqQ. Stop, stop, good woman, ! beg Of
YOU. doa't want TO kaow the number Of
y0u- fowls.
Mrs. Z. Tm very sorry indeed I can't
olease you. such a s'Feet gentleman as you
are. But diOntyYJ te,imc twas Tie two
legged beings
LEA. True, bat dad lot mean the hens
IBIS q. O, nos uucersaldyou. The
I'D gobblcr, he's seven, tine hen turkey Is
qgh;-and if you'll Wait a week thereI
be q parcel Of Young ones, for the old hen
turkey Is setting oa whole SNAIL OF eggs
Ia. Roast your turkeys.
Ms. Y. o, don't now, good Mister
Hippersucher-I pray you don't. They
are as honest turkeys as any in the coun-
try.
Iaq. Don't ve= me any more. I'm got
ting to be angry.
.lLs. I. Ia, ha, ha.
Ina. (Strid'ag about fis room IN
rare. Have a care, Madam, or ! shall
fy out of my skin.
Yrs. T. Ifyou DO, don, know who !