Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Mass.) 1828-1830, 1830-02-23
From Hoods Comic Annual.
THE PILLORY.

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] never was in the pilIory but once,
which | must ever consider misfortune.
For looking at all things as do, with a
philosophical and inquiring eye, and court
ing experience for the sake of my fellow
creatures, cannot but lament the short
and imperfect opportunity enjoyed Of
filling that elevated situation, which so
few men are destined to occupy. 1t is a
sort Of Egg-Premiership place above
your fellows, but a place in which your
hands are tied. You are not without the
established political vice, for you are MOI
absolved from turning.
Let me give brief description of the
short irregular glimpse l had of men and
things, while was in Pillory Power.
was raised TO it, as many men are to high
stations, by my errors. l merely made a
mistake of some sort or other in an an
swer in Chancery, not injurious to my in
terests, aud 10 the Recorder of London,
with suavity of manner peculiar to him
self, announced me to my intended pro.
motion; and in due time,I was installed
into Office.
1t was fine day for the piao:y: that
is to say, it rained in torrents. Those
only who have had boarding and lodging
like mine, can estimate the comfor. Of
having washing into the bargain.
1t was about noon when was placed
like statue, upon my wooden pedestal
an hour probably chosen out of consider.
alton to the innocent little urchins then
let out of school. for they are race motto.
riously fond of shying, pitching, jerking,
pelting, finging, singing in short. pro-
fessors of throwing in all its branches
The publick officer presented me first
with north front, and there | was
God save the mark !" like cock al
Shrovetide, or lay figure in Shooting
Gallery
The storm commenced. Stones began
to spit mud to mizzle; cabbage stalks
thickened into a shower. Now dna then
came dead kitten; sometimes living
cur; anon an egg would hit me on the
eve, an offence was forced to wink at
There is a strange appetite in human kind
for pelting fellow creature. A travel
ling China-man actually threw away two
pence to have pitch at me with a pip
kin; Billingsgate huxter treated me
with few herrings, not by any means
too stale to be purchased in st. Giles
while the weekly half pence of the school
boys went towards the support of Cos
termonger and his donkey. who supplied
them with eggs fit for throwing, and for
nothing else. confess this last description
of missiles, if missiles they might be called
that never miss'd, annoyed me more than
all the rest; however, there was no reme-
DIV. There l was forced to stand, taking
up my livery, and vile livery il was /; or,
as the way expressed it, " being made
free of the Pelt-mongers."
II was time to appeal to my resources.
| had read somewhere of an Italian who,
by dint of mental abstraction, had render
ed himself unconscious of the rack, and
while the execntioners were Juggling.
wrenching, twisting, dislocating. and
breaking joints, sinews, and bones, was
perchance in fancy only performing his
diurnal Gymnasticks, or undergoing an
amicable Shampooing. The pillory was
milder instrument than the rack, and l
had naturally lively Imagination; it
seemed plausible, therefore, that | might
make shift to be pelted in my absence.
TO attain scene as remote as possible from
pain. Iselected one of absolute pleasure
for the experiment /; no other, in truth
than the Persian Paradise, the Garden of
Gull. at the Feast of Roses. Flapping the
wings of Fancy with all my might. | was
speedily in thoset Bowers Of Bliss, and at
high romps with Houri and Peri; =
"Flinging roses at each other"
But. alas for mental abstraction ! The
very first bud hit me with stone-like vehe-