Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1830-06-07
THE LOST DINNER;

4lfNt OOG GtoCJ stNO
:" Let me haze men about NE that are fat
JuLIus CESAR.
OF all the plaques with which Old Nick has at
tempted to disturb the quiet OF this blessed
world, | think there isSSne equal to the DISPOSE
ton which half the coyanunity have for torment
inc fat people. | can speak f~eelingly on this point,
for 1 am a fat man myself. Your lean fellows hive
IN quiet. nobody think oi poking fun at them, or
~iostling them in the street, or squeezing them IN
a crowd. or a stage coach, or box at the theatre.
They sin through the common rubs and crosses
of life as easily as a snake through the bushes
A starveling has an m&nhity against all trlbula-
ton: but a fat man-h$efsn no mercy for hm:
he is a butt for all the Jokes that are current;
there is no sharp shooting but hits him. tie IS
100 prominent d mark to escape. The lean ones
envy his goodly size, and revenge themselvesthe
only way they can, byfidicullng what they would
fain participate in, but find it beyond their reach,
as the fox turned up his right-honorable snout
At certain grapes.
We would not be fat if he could? | dom STE
any harm ic being fat. 1t is sheer malice and
envy that would set the world against fat people,
who, generally speaking, are the mostusetul and
g~oodhumored of the community: tr"ges con-
Sumere natl, they keep the markets up, and make
trade flourish. If to be fat is TO be hated, says
Falstaf,. then are Pharoah's lean kline to De loved.
Ihate lean folks, they make ne think of famlne;
aud short commons are an abomlnatlon unto men
Of any condition But let me come to the point.
And the point of the matter is, that make 1t a
point never to refuse all invitation to dinner
Now | received an invitation to one last week,
the host magnificent diner that has been eaten
IN the'ci,y these g. years. The very mention
Of the dishes make my mouth water. Alderman
Gobble, who gave the dinner, knows how 10 Gre
ate an appetite In his guests. by specification
ofhis tit-bits. l need not stop now to recapitu-
late the ~hicetiss which the worthy Alderman had
promised, and with which l RECALLED my magma
ton for a week in anticipation Of the teast.-
Suffice it TO saw. 1t was a meal ut for d g~ournand,
and | had raised an appetite tit to do justice to 1t.
Oh We demons of disappointment. How could we
serve lie such a trick as to balk me OF that din
ner.
For as nv i'll luck would have it, | happen to
live Just now about ten miles from Boston,
There is no difficulty, one would think, in jump
ing into the stage and posting to town.-and that
is true enough In the case OF ordinary folks, but
see what plaques beset a fat man. l had bespoke
nv passage, and was the hrstto get into the stage,
when a disagreement arose about the space which
[ occupied in the vehicle. The driver asserted
that ! had taken but one seat. and all the others
in the coach were engaged before me. Now as
he undertook to prove by regular admeasurement,
that my immense rotundity of corporation, as he
was pleased to call it, occupied at least space
enough for four, he maintained that all the Others
should seat themselves first, and then | might
get in If | could.
Not in the day time, my lad said L. as seat
ed myself snugly on the back seat. 'First come.
- L-N - $500 ,laoN ,n,. tho 9th
es may take theirs; | paid for my seat. Isn't it
4 bargain?
But the others cant all get in,' said the driv-
Then let them ride on the top answered l..
Really, Mr.. Sugarhogshead, said he, hadn't
YOU better ride on top yourself
For heavens sake, no. said another, don't
put that great fat chuff on the top: he'll make
as top heavy and over set US.
sIhaye no notion Of riding on the top said l.,
so YOU may make yourself easy on that score
But YOU must get out;' said they, land await
for the next stage
And what will become of my dinner?:' said L.
Here is Mrs. Pickeltoa and her seven chill
dren who will all be disappointed of places in the
CITY IL they do not arrive at two O'Clock
And l shall be disappointed of my dinner if
do not reach Alderman Gobble's at the same
time
.'Tis enough to try the patience of Job SAID
Mrs. Picklet0n.
Don't talk to me about job said he never
had such an invitation to adinner In MS life
But you cannotg 20 with us said they.
.Imust go with you,' said 1. So saying |
threw back my head, and composed myself on
INV seat, and let them see that | was not to be
moved. After some alteration with the other
passengers, the driver shut the coach door and
left me within alone. Presently heard a smack
of the whip, and the horses started. thought
we set of with very easy pace, and was highly
delighted to find myself sole possessor OF the
inside of the coach. where | bad expected to be
annoyed bv the company of Mrs. Pickleton and
her seven children.
We travelled. at so easy and comfortable a
rate that fell into a dOze. an iufrmity to which
am somewhat accustomed. though not In sage
coaches. | dreamt of beingat Alderman Cob,
HES dinner, where | kept eating and eating Till
/ thought l never should have enough What