The Massachusetts spy, and Worcester County advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1825-1831, 1830-07-28
From tke Me,p YORK Constsnnt,nn.

From the Ne,c York Constellation.
LOCAL PECULIARITIES OF SPEECH
Yankee. Good morning, Mister. Can't
sell you few notions to-day?
SouiherneT. Idon' t like your notions, they re
too yankse6ed for me. But lcait BIT, I'll look
at them
Yankse. Let me sell you this srs fine.tooth
comb; it's real thing for taking hold of the
live stock. Jest try>it.
Sontherner. | wish you'd have done with
yonr vile Yankee talk, and speak like a man
ought TO.
Yankee. Now s,coo, Mr.. Southerner, you
hadn't ought to open your mouth about Yankee
talk, unless you can talk better yourself.
Southerner. And harkee, sir, you never
ought to open your mouth from Julu to etarni-
IL, unless you can leave off using such phrases
as, hadn't ought, ct cetsra.
Yankee. In the first place, learn to talk as
you'd ought TO yourself, and then correct me.
6outherneT. You orReTy fellow do you pre-
tend to call me to an account for nay language /?
Yankee. did but drop hint
Sontherner. DraP hint! What right have
you to be dropping your hints about. Why,
sir, can teach you your alphabet from A to zed
and from zed back again 10 A.
Yankee. Let's hear you begin.
SOHtherner In all cases, then, if you mean
TO speak dramatically, talk Just like do
I've been to Master Swingletree's school year
sn and year out, and know how a man should
talk
Yankee dare say, you're pretty cute.
SoutherRsr. Cute pretty cute now why
don't you drop your Yankee phrases, and talk
like scholGrd?
Yankee. I'll drop my Yankee phrases as
soon as ever you drop your .draPs, and your
craps, and your Seholards.
SOathtrner. Now you think you've caught
/ RI Al
don't say drap, but drap.
Yankee. know you say drGp.
SoutheTner. Well. do dTap the subject. I'm
tired of tits too saft
Yankee; Why don't you say soft, as you'd
ought to do.
SOuthsrnsr. I'm sure do say saft, as much
as you do.
Yankee. And a little more by darn'd sight.
SontheTnsr What do you mean by darn'd
sight:
Yankee. Why, what darnation fool you
are 10 az SIGH silly question
Sonthsrner. done it for the sake Of infor-
mation-that's all.
Yankee. You done it ha. ha, ha f.! guess
you have done it indeed. Why don't you say
did it, not done it
,SOathsrnsr. suppose you'd have me talk
like you do
Yankee. Mold have you talk as do, not
)
can't l sell you few notiOnsF
SOuhsrner. Your notions and mine don't
agree we can never hitch horses.
Yankee. Who azed you to hitch horses All
want Of you is to buy few notions that /
have to dispose Of
SoItherner. tell you I've no notion Of buy
ing any of your Yankee notions. / would as
soon think of driving trade in hop-tOads.
Yankee. Hop-toads what are Them
iS0uthRrner DOnsf knou M hat d.
are? They're little creatures sohai hop like a
frog does, and catch fly in less than no time
Yankee. know what toad is we'll enough
But should like to know if all toads don't hop
SOuthernsr. By all means-and that's the
reason call them hop.tOad
Yankee. BY the same rule you might call
hog grunt-hog, because all hogs grunt.
Southerner. Alb, now you serOEge too hard,
neighbor Them, who lives in glass houses,
should be the last to throw stones.
Yankee. True, true; but say, can't sell
you few notions. I'll take any thing you've
got in the way oftrade.
SOuthernsr. The devil bit have got any
thing for trade, unless you'll take COrn-cobs.
Yankee. I'll take any thing for the sake Of
bargain. But what do you mean by corn.cobs ?
Soathernsy. ! mean the oobs sohat grow on
-corn.stalks What do you say, shall 1 tote
Yankss. Why, yes-if we can agree upon
the price. But de tell me what you mean by
tote.
So1therner. o now you're too monstrous
nY9 dIt.ss sSfoags t Tee hsFd :.
scrouged, as you say, I'll jog on.
S0nthsrnsr. Well, away with you-clear out
like sokite-head.
Yankee. You're a very handsome locking
man it's a pity you're so darnd ugiy.
SoHtherner. H0w's that be good enough to
infofm me how man can be handsome and
ugly at the same time.
Yankee. Easy enough Ugliness applies TO
q mans actions and handsomeness to his looks.
SoHthsrnsy. That's another of your vile
Yankesismss
Yankee. We both have our notions, and III
you wont trade for any OF mine, wont have
any thing TO do with yours. Good bye
SontAernsr. Goodbye, and the devil tote you.
A woman purchasing cups and saucers, was
asked what color she would have. "Why II
sr'n's p0tieEiar," says she, "sny color that
won't show dirt - Czmdsn Journal.