The Rhode-Island Republican. [volume] (Newport, R.I.) 1809-1841, 1830-06-24
THE LOST DINNER,

IL,
thaw and resolve itself into u dew."--Ham-
let.
"Let me have men about me that are
fat."-Jaius Cesar.
OF all the plaques with which Old Nick
has attempted to disturb the quiet Of this
blessed world, think there is none equal
70 the disposition which half the commun.
ty have for tormenting fat people. | can
speak feeliagly OH this point, for am fat
man myself. Your lean fellows live in
quiet, nobody think Of poking fun at them,
or Ipstliag them in the street, or squeezing
them IN crowd, or stage coach, or box
at tito theatre. They slip through the
common rubs and crosses Of life as easily
as snoke through the bushes. a starve-
ling has an immunity against all tribulation;
but a fat man--there is no mercy for him:
he is butt for all the jokes that are cur
rent; there is no sharp shooting but hits
him. lie is too prominent a mark to es.
cape. The lean ones envy his goodly size.
and revenge themselves the only way they
can, by ridicuing what they would fain
participate in, bot hnd it beyond their reach,
as the fox turned up his right-honorable
snout at certsia grapes.
Who would not ba fat if no could? I
don't see any harm in being fat. It is
sheer malice and envy that would set the
world against fat people, who, generally
speaking. are the most useful and good
humoured Of tho community: .Gug,s con
smmerc matt, they keep the markets up. and
make trade flourish. If to be fat is to be
hated, says Fslstafl, then ure Pharaoh's
lean kline to be loved. hute lean folks,
they make me think ofa famine; and shor,
commons are an abomination unto men OF
any condition. But let me come to the
point, and the point of the matter is, that
make II point never 10 refuse an invita-
ton to dinncr. Now received an invita-.
ton to ono last week, the most magnificent
dinner that has been eaten in tho city
these fifty years. The very mention OF
the dishes make my mouth water. Alder
man Gobblc, who gave the dinner, knows
how to create al appetite in his guests, By
o specification Of his tit bits. need moi
stop now to recaptslatc the niceties which
the worthy Alderman had promised, aud
with which RECALLED my imagination for
aweek in anticipation Of the feast. SUI
nee 1t to say, 1t wns meal iii for gour-
mand, and had raised an appetite fit 10
do justice to it. Oh We demeus Of disap.
pointment! How could yc serve me such
For as my i'll luck would have it, hap.
pen to live gust now about ten nilos from
Boston.--There is no difficulty, ono would
think, in jumping into the stage aud post.
ing to town,--and that is true enough in
the case Of ordinary folks, bot see wba,
plaques besct q fat man! I had bespoke
Iuy passage, and was the hfst to get into
the stage, when a disagreement arose a.
bout the spscc which occupied in the
vehicle. The driver asserted thati had
taken but one seat, and all tho others in
the coach were engaged before me. Now
rs he undertook to prove by regular ad.
measurement, that nay Immense rotHadity
Incorporation, as he was pleased To call it,
occupied ut least space enough for four, he
maintained that all the others should seat
themselves first, and then might get in
If could.
Not in the day time, nay lad sad !, ms
seated myself snugly on the back seat.
First come, frs, served. ! have got my
place now, the others may take theirs; ]
paid for my scat. Isn't It bargain?
But the others can't all get in,' said the
driver.
'I'hea let them ride on the top answer
edI.
Really, Mr.. Sugarhogshead,' said he,
'hadnt you better ride on the top yourself!
For heavens sake, No. said another,
.don't put that great Sat chuff on the top:
he1i make Us top heavy and oScrset us
r'havc us notion Of riding on the top
said ], so you muy make yourselves easy
on that scorc.'
But you ,nust get OUT said they. 'and
await for the next stage
And what will become Of my dinner?'
said I.
IIerc is mrs. Pick,eton and her seven
children who win all be disappointed Of
places in the city If they do not arrive al
two o'clock
And I shall be disappointed Of my din.
ner i'll do not reach Alderman Gobble's a.
the. same time
"Tis enough to try the patience Of Job
said mrs. Pickleton.
Don't talk to nc about Job said I, 'he
never had such an invitation to a dinner
in his ife.'
'Rut you cannet go with u.s. said they.
But must 60 with YOU said I. So say
ing I threw back my head, and composed
myself on my seat. aud let them SEQ that
wac not to DO moved. After some alter
cation with the other passengers, the dri
vsr shut the coach door, aud left me with
In alone. Presently ! heard q smack OF
the whip, aud the horses started. l
thought We set of with q very easy pace,
and was highly delighted TO find myseli
sole possessos Of the inside Of the coach,
where had expected To be annoyed by the
compsay Of mrs. Pickleton and her sevcr
children.