The Massachusetts spy, and Worcester County advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1825-1831, 1829-12-16
From the Boston Galaru.
THE PHILOSOPHICAL APPLE WOMAN
" My mind to me a kingdom is"

From the Boston Galaru.
THE PHILOSOPHICAL APPLE WOMAN.
My mind to me a kingdom u.s."
1t is nonsense to talk of "the learned"
as being the only wise part of mankind.
mere Is many an unlettered fellow who
can turn his wits to better account than a
professor, while there are rot few of the
erudlte who have hardly wisdom enough to
go IN when 1T rains not that we are alto
gether of honest Dogberry's opinion, that
:" to write and read comes by nature p but
the truth is, man may have a shrewd nod
die who never figured among the knowing
ones.
L was led into these reflections by con-
templating, the other day, the philosophical
demeanor of an ancient apple woman on
Long Wharf. This reflex of the olden
days has kept her station there with her
vendibles of fruit and gingerbread, time out
OF mind, and save her diurnal locomotions
at morning and evening, she is as much
"part and parcel" of the Boston Pier as one
OF the posts. She has an absolute immunity
from all the vexations, rubs and crosses
which are part of the municipal economy,
Constables do not venture to be saucy to
her; aldermen make their manners before
her; truckmen dare not jostle her; hand
cartmen are mannelly, and auctioneers
dumb in her presence.
She was talking with one of our principal
merchants, who stood on the sidewalk near
her: he was munching an apple and grum-
bling of hard times.
"Terrible times, Mrs. -, terrible times !;
people all failing no money, don't know
what we are all coming to-"
Terrible times, indeed, Mr.. Snatchcop-
per. Is that your ship yonder?"
Yes, but she has cost me monstrous
sum. l have mortgaged all my real estate,
and hired money to build her."
"That's an excellent plan, Mr.. Snatch
copper. Every man would not have shown
so much prudence"
Yes, yes, am obliged to pay an enor-
nous interest for the money; but then I
expect the voyage will bring me in at least
fifty per cent"
" Really, Sir, that is a magnificent pros
pect: and when have you pocketed all this
profit what will you do with the money!"
" mean to speculate in real estate, and
build lot of houses which shall clear me
twenty-five per cent. upon the capital.''
"And when you have got the money-as
of course you will, making such nice calcu-
lations-what next ?"
"Then | will put it into manufacturing
stock and make twenty five per cent. MORE"
"And then"-
"And then / will invest it in the rail
road stock, which will be just about ready
10 be taken up. l shall clear thirty per
cent. more by it." "And then''-
And then will commence underwater.
and in short time double the whole"
"And then, Mr.. Snatchcopper, after YOU
have made fifty per cent. by the voyage,
twenty-five per cent. by the real estate
speculation, twenty-five per cent. by the
manufactures, thirty per cent. by the rail
road, and double the whole by underwrit-
ing, what will you do with the grand total ?"
"Put it into the funds and live on the
interest"
SHOW mach are you worth now. Sir 30
"They tax me for fifty thousand dollars.n
Gall which you are rsking upon this
chance 20
"Yes, | really think it is a great plan"
$50 do |, Mr.. Snatchcopper; but how
did you contrive to raise the money SO quick
for this undertaking ?"
sob! only by endorsing for few of nv
friends, all safe enough"
A1C Hou HdIulg Sdlu lnlS, Wnen some one
came running up-Oh Mr.. Snatchcopper.
have you heard the news? Three failures!
P, and O., and x, all gone to
the devil.
Mercy on me-" exclaimed Mr.. Snatch
copper, "then am ruined have endors-
ed for them all" So saying, he was off like
flash of lightning.
"There" said the philosophical apple
woman, "that is the way it has gone these
fifty years! Empires are overturned, and
fortunes go to rum, but my table keeps on
its legs. Ispin no projects p
HIsToRIcAL ANEcDoTE. At the siege
of Londonderry, in Ireland, in 1859, the
garrison was reduced to the greatest straits
10y famine, so that a dogs head was sold
for MALT crown. Their drink was water
mixed with ginger and annseed. They
had tallow and potatol starch which they
mixed together, and which not only nour-
ished, but had this singular effect--that it
proved an effectual cure for the dysentery,
and recovered many who were reduced by
that disorder, as well as preserved others
from it.
A corpulent gentleman once riding to-
wards fortified town in England, began to
fear the gates would be shut before he
could reach it, and inquired oe market
man whom he met, whether he could pass
in at the gate. Z" should think So" REPLIED
the man, surveying him attentively, "for |
saw load OF hay pass in there this morn
inn -