Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1829-03-14

vi h.
from the Sou,hern Galaxy, would not be unlh>
teres,ing to such Of your readers as have mol
had the pleasure of seeing the wonders when
the Microscope discloses. Yours, sc.
HECTOR.
) Gentle Reader! have you taken peep at the
Microscope? We have; and the Lore nave mer'
CIV on US, and save US from longer swallowing
rast and racoons, snakes and snapping-tur''es'
We have scarcely eat mouihfui tor week.
and whether we ever eat again or not, Heaven
only knows. Oh! for the digestion OF an ostrieh,
that we nigh, live on pebbles.
Since we saw this magni6er and multiplier,
no, only of physical being, but OF the miseries
Of this little bit Of existence called lie, how
many deaths have we suffered. we nave pee"
thousand times devoured by hideous mon
s,.rs. The pip of chickens, and the 'quack
of Young ducks, we have distinctly heard with
in the precin,s Of our mortal body-Yea! more
the Jumping Of toads, the kicking OF stur-
geons, the crawling oflobs,ers, we have sensi'
Div fel,-and, Of truth, we are momentarly
expecting a small alligator to pop his oo'ysE
nose from between our ribs; for thousands han
we swallowed-yea! bipeds and quadrupeds-
centipeds and millepeds ,-peds Infinite anu
things without pedi-birds, fish, reptiles and
insec,sIof every class, order, genus, species
and variety-and millions upon millions that
would puzzle Bellzebub himself for class, or
Reader! to swallow a lssbr monkey is nothing
al ALL Just keep yourVShoulh shut, or, Our word
for il. some OF these rascally negroes a.
bout our streets will drive dray and horses
down your throat
We happened TO eat Fig or two, on the
morning previous TO the eX hibi,loa Ut the NIL
crospe; they did hot exactly agree with our
palate, and, by way Of aeorrecti,e, we eat hall
dozen oysters, with plenty OF sharp vlne-
oar with them. The said microscope convinc
ed as. To our sorrow, Of the cause OF the nau-
sea. The surface Of fig, reader, about The
size OF q pins head, was placed in the focus oil
the glass, and such scampering-Lords save
us-a,easr one hundred beings TO human WIS.
dom nameless,' about the size OF mukrats, and
covered with bristes, were discovered at iull
gallon one over another, as you have seen rats
in meal tub. We took the vinegar in season,
said we to ourselves; that must have destroyed
the m. But 10! to our utter CONSERVATION, and al
the expense of our appetite, we discovered, IN
three minutes afterward, tina, in single spoon
full of vinegar, we had, bona hde, swallowed
some three or four hundred living reptiles, in
length at least four and half feet.
II will doubtless BIZ recollected that mem
Der of the French Academy, some years since,
attempted to prove, in paper read 10 tina!
learned BODY, that the acidity Of certain liquids
was bul i'm consequence of the shape OF its par
,icles: which shape was said 10 be angular, and
the angles very acute. How much trouble
would i, have saved this sage in philosophy,
could he have had peep al the microscopic
How easily the mystery would then hays. esen
yoEd n uoGbt, upon this point, by aid of the
miscroscope and syllogism. Hypothesis: The
acdi,y of lhe liquid is produced BY the terrible
kicking Of these reptiles upon the nerves OF the
tongue Argument: The greater the age OF the
loud, the higher the degree Of acid!ty; the
greater the az Of the liquid, the create, the
number of reptiles con aiurd; the greater the
number Of reptiles, The more kicking-ERGO,
the reptiles produce The acidity. But to the
microscope.
a piece Of human skin (cuticle) about the
10Th oil an inch in diameter, was placed before
tSis eighth wonder Of the world, and do you
believe it reader 1t contains veins large enough
for an engine hose.
| A word 10 the Ladies. Beware what use you
make Of grapes and muslins-for, unless our
senses deceive US, Cupid, allowing him 10 be
the lubberly urchin represented oy the paint
ers, composed of sound flesh and blood, with
wings two feet in length, aye Notwithstanding
these, the rogue could pop through, without
rufing feather, between the threads Of the fl
nest Italian grapes, SO far are they asunder.-
And as for the space between The threads Of fine
musiins, WHY Dandy Jack upon his Shetland
pony, woala no, require larger circle to ex-
hibi, his isa,s Of horsemanship.
Mr.. Sno,Udsn:-If 700 think the following
selection Of Cross Readings, worthy OF i'll
should be glad to see them transferred to place
in your paper. -
CROSS READINGS.
A violent ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS by thun'
der and lightning down the chimney and
broke his collar bone.
For sale, two cases London brown stout-set
to music by Handel in excellent metre.
Lost, Ladys re,cue, con,aining-a new
dry good store, with complete assortment Of
ironmongery.
Late French writer's state that drunkards may
be cured by ea,iDg-four,een thousand pounds