Martinsburg gazette and public advertiser. [volume] (Martinsburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1826-1833, 1829-04-02
From fhc Aew Kors Courier.
KEEP OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
Where ignorance is bliss,
IT'S folly to o. wise. r,

tRoofAuSf -
It's folly TO o. wise, TCyay
You are too nqdist,ve, Pau Pry.
Cariosity caused the expulsion OF our FIRST
parents from Paradise. lSomebodg else.
In our college days, we once stroiied INTO
the kitchen OF the great hal. being 'snatural
~ curious" to learn how cooking was managed
On scale so extensive as to meet the wants OF
some two hundred Students. Il was quarter
OF an hour before breakfas', and an enormous
kettle, hlled with cotiee las Il was denominat
ed) hung gioomliy over the FIRE. AZ It's con.
tents boiled and tubbied, we observed, ever
aud anon. some dark substance, evidently too
large to be gram Of coHse, Using TO the sur-
face, and nstapty duckng down, as il its deeds
were evil Nhat was ~ vi that very same il
qu,d IN fifteen minutes we we're TO partske /;
Nc wtre 10 persuade our paiate ths. II was
bona fde coffee, despite OF all insInuat,ons that
!, WAS made OF popiaf leaves aud damaged rye
What could that mysterious black subs, snce
bel Was il q sturgeon, or negroes head, or
| q suck OF wood. Or a stoseppe' The question
wns one OF great personal interest --cusioslts
took the aIsrm--our evil star had provided a
cane--@e plunged IL in the boiling ocean be-
fore US and raised 10 The fair light Of the
laughing morn, an OLD aAr. Hesvensl what a
discovery even now we tremble al the hor
rid recollection.
In few MINUTES we were in the breakfast-
hall. carry ing the hat on the canes point -
here were our classmates masticating with
all their might the toughest bread in Christen-
dom, and pouring down their devoted throals,
cup At er cup OF that internal beverage. Tread
er. permit US TO become for few MINUTES.
Ne Sounds so outiandish IN "a d,slogue.1 took
my place mex, to my friend Prank STANLEY.
Frank what are you dr,nk,ngl
Coffee
sw,il you take your oath of thstp
'Whs, the deuce do you meanr
have been IN the kitchen II have made .
terrible discovery-put down that cup. for mer
cy's sake
Here the whole table csugh, the alarm
speak out, speak out. resounded on all SIDES.
'feiiow-JuDiors, you fondly imagine that
you have been drinking coffee mo such thing
You have been drinking HAT soUP--here is the
mai itself sholding up The sliil reeking and
horrid mass, which had heen oo,led into a
poiygonl FIVE minutes ago hshed this GU, Of
| The cofire kettle
That same Junior Glass was composed OF a.
many reckless dare devils as were ever con
gregated under one roof-they cared nothing
| tor thunder clsps, or stages in the process OF
being cspsized--they hsd once set d, defiance
all the militia oi---county. but this DISCOVERY
was too much for tnem--every oae was appali.
ed, and they alt lief. the -oom muttering exc.
crations That night the cook was tarved and
testhered, and rode on rail, and the keeper
OF the hail was burn, in efhgy. 1 never took
another cup OF college coffee.
The s'ory has its moral. Curiosity, which
kicked Eve out o. Eden. and sen. Doctor Fans
'us to old Nch,ias (fsmisrly and ende..sins iy
called Old Nick) Is AS fatal 10 the physical a. Il
= to the intellectual appetite. The tree OF
knowledge 10 not the tree Of life--and If we
gather the fruii Of the former, we lose our rel
'sh for that of the latter Reader, if you are
inclined to pinguitude--if you live in an after
dinner dread ofspopiexy in three weeks you
will be as thin as cassius, withou, his shungry
look But II you wish to enjoy the good thing 8
otlife, seek not TO be too wise. aud above ali
things, Keep sut efthe Kisshen
SO with the Stage. The time was, when we
hung with breaihless interest on the mlmis K
soc ne. But one fatal night we went behind the
scenes. We took a glass OF vine with Viz.
ginus, cracked joke with Appius Ciaud,us
and made our best bew 10 Visginius. juss al Q
he old man had killed her in the market. The
cbsrn was broken--she golden chain of mag
inston was sesered-it has never been re unit
ed.
Tbs Retort--A scotefman, who was ou,r
rellng with an ESSEX thief on their pscul.v,,s
thinking to enrage hin, said. ''Bea' bush il
Essex. and out comes calf" 'sAye," resorted
,he ,hlei. "pick mans pocket in Scotland
and cut comes roll Of b,imsfons."
Cheap Psbicafiss An Irishmsn seeing .
work advertised, entitled .'Endless Amnse.
meni," remsrked, that il would be cheap
work tor whs could Live eng .snsnSk 70 read il.