Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1829-03-04
CURING A COLD,

"Stufa Cold. and starre a Ferr."-oID SArISs
. AS much as we veBerale the time honoreG
| savings and the wise saws Of the olden times,
we must beg leave to call 10 question the first
clause Of the above. 1t has no more foundation
in truth than the divine right OF kings. Stuff a
cold and starve tever--as il cold was not
likewise fever!
But absurd as the first part of this saying is,
it has governed the multitude for ages. When
they feel the slightest advanced OF cold, the
inconiinenty begin TO stuff. The cold thus fed
and encouraged, acquires strength and deci-
sion no, its own, pushes on With vigor, block
AIDES the nose, The throat, the lungs, and nearly
cuts off all communication with the vital air.
But TIN more the patient is stuffed with the
cold, The more he SUITS himself with food. One
would suppose they were stufhng on wager
the cold sluffs up the breathing apparatus, the
patient s,ufs the alimentary canal! Only ina
CINE for moment what war Of stuffiDg! But
it so happens, that the slufing Of the stomach
only increases the stufing of the lungs, until
the stuffed patient, wheeling and barking, can
just speak in hoar Sc whisper, and deems il a
matter of prudence 10 call physician.
The doctor comes. 'How do you do, Mr..
Pheezer!'
Patient. Ugh! ugh! ugh! l dom. know
Doc-ugh! ugh!-Doc,or, I've got terrible
ugh! ugh! ugh!-a terrible colo.
Enter Wife, Don't try TO talk, Mr.. Phee-
Ter, you're so stopped up. III tell you how tits
Doctor: MIR. Pheezer put on damp shir, t'other
day, and took cold, and though I've done my
best to cure him, he's grown worse and worse,
till now, poor man, he can hardly speak above
his breath.
Doctor. VIVA, have you done for him?
Mrs. Pheezer. Why, besides giving him
sight Of yar5 drinks, and bathing his feet in
warm water, made him eat as much good vic.
luals as he could any ways stuff down. l ha'nt
starved him, depend upon il, Doctor. I've had
dozen Of turkeys cooked, since he was unwell,
poor man-which is only week come to-mor-
row. besides three spare ribs and goose-snd
as sure as I'm living sinner, Doctor, he's eat
the bigger part on 'em.
Doctor And he's alive yet!
Mrs. Pheezer. Yes-I desire TO be thankful
he is; though / think he would'n: ha' lived but
a very leelle while, if had'n ha' done wha,
have, don't you doctora.
Doctor. No, good woman, think if you
had sta,ved instead Of stu6ing his cold, he would
have been we'll before now.
Mrs Pheezer. Lord ha' massy on ye, Doc.
tor! Slarve cold: why never heerd Of SIGH
a thing in all my born days.
Doctor. May be not, Mrs. Pheezer, but /
assure you it is the right way to manage cold,
if you mean to get rid of it. For instance, let
the patient take little tea, coffee, or glass Of
wafer, with half cracker, three times day;
or little water Cruel, fillmore agreeable to the
taste. BY this management cold may ordi-
narily be cured in two or three days, while by
the siufing process it woul probably be prolong.
ed as many months, unless death should inter
vene and put an end to the cold and the pa.
tient together.
Mrs. Pheezer. Why. Doctor, I'm as,onished
at ye. used ter think you knowed something;
but now I'm convinced all your skill ant worth
snap O. my thumb. You needn't come any
more Doctor. Exit Physician Starve cold!
Well, OF all the strange doctrine ever heerd
of, this is the cap chief. Among all my sins,
Lord help me, 1 hav'nt got this to answer for.
So.Mrs. Pheezer pursued her stuffiing regi.
men, her husbands cold became an inHamma-
ton Of the lungs, and in week after, Mrs.
Pheezer followed him to the grave, eonsoling
herself in the midst Of her Affections, that she
had not been guilty Of starving his cold.
d.