Daily Richmond Whig. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1828-1831, 1829-08-06

cessinl industry. unrewa rded merit, useless ,,;a
ana VAN exertion while we must all of have seen
greatness thrust ucon the ndocnt, the trivolo,s
nnd the underwriting Whom fortune pipes into "son,
iiowery spo, Tor which they tocd nor swat,
sen she plays IT Is impossible TO make false SION
under the influence of her pipe, trips turn into ra
and blunders into advantages while whole orcho'
tra OF instruments. with the Virtues and nine Nue.,
10 play upon them, and Minerva herself to load ,b
band. cannot insure the most c,ut;o,,' y u 'he
Il fall 'e' against
some men are born with silver md otbe,s ,,;,h
a WOODEN spoon IN their mouths" and she who wns
uo'n """cr nrce-halipenny planet will never no
worn tWoPcncr, are TWO melancholy proye,bs ox
rresSly intended for the use of the losc,s in H. 49,
OF ME the detected wcarcd competitors in tho ,n
we arc all running. the awkward and nnsnccossGi
dancers to whom Fortunes pipe never tnuyb, n ;n -
c""sSss' lie language IN which they are couci.J
Is mean and plcbeian, but let il be recocct od H., !.
is the language of adversely the lapounse NJ ~
poor aud dispirited: such maxus do not mass tho E
at the prosperous and happy, thoy ACQUIRE mo r,rf,
from the rich and the elegant who are very an, .,
forget that there are such things as wooden snoons
o' copper money IN existence, and sure To uttr-
o"te their rght To the use of eddie headed kinp's
pottcrn spoons and gold and silver coin to thor o,vn
lndefeoslbe privileges and indisputabe merits For
II is remarkable fact that those who dance os.no
!" ror'uhes co'sHon, and are most indebted TO her
p,rc' frequently assert that they supply their own
Inuslc ana That their fine steps are entirely oying To
rue ndinTGbie way IN which they Themselves no.
forming on jews harp penny trumpet She
partial goddess, takes umbrage ut their nurottuJ
P,"yS WI W heT InouHljleSS iavOreS, turns
Sihhce To the crowds of wolshippers who are imnlor
ing single tune from her lips. Yet, otwithstanJ
my 'ie arrogance OF The prosperous, those who looL
On ahu observe the onnGuet can readily distinguish
the wooden spoon" adherinp with spitefi,l ner,;n
cty To It's original owners. They cannot nart -
thcr brth-righ; friends endcnvor in vain TO eycb,no
" ior utenSIi OF more valuable materials and ,Iev
themselves exert all the powers of thn;r hod, ~
oneTSies of their mind, to aid the benevolent ioi
bit all IN vain they used it for their SOM and tEo
Viii use II for their desert.
These starred creatures have no reason TO regret
the suppression of lotteries since not even tho mani,
nal prize at twenty pounds ever came 10 e;. oh,ro
anu tner dislike of the legacy tax is eyasp.rated h
no scihsh feelings, as they never called unc,
TO contribute towards it IN the slightest degree
their rch chldiess male relations always astSnsb
the world by becoming husbands and fathers in tbcir
dotagc: while their old female ones either nurcL.so
foyas ooncs and are ruined, or marry Methodist
preachc-; and II friend hos promised TO re,non,L
them IN his WILL he Is sure n die s,,,IenIv boforo 10
mas maze one Ihcy are always lutte too late I'm
asking Tor favour, and little too soon in aha
ing speculaton; and they generally sell tbcr sb,rc
III mining company AT heavy loss Just before the
discovery of bondaca. Ii Inuney is ever within
thelr grasp, a lawsuit speedily loosens their hold
ana IL iails INTO the capacious hands of some silrey
SPooned sons OF Thems; their landed propertv j.
always in the West indies and their reaJy 'cnsL =;
bank that falls In their youth heircsscs have nm
ahtipathy 10 them; and when they marry their wives
uIe VeNy nao'c 10 nave twins II they boanisis
or entonologsts, they find rare plant or un
common insect; dandelions and groundsel seem I,
spring up beneath their feet ckcufrs and abh, -
butterflies to fdrsue them it is out of the question
mat their eyes can ever behold a ladv's Sinner mr. n
purple emperor, and If they should chance to possess
the chrysas of a deaths head moth servant or
enid VIII throw 1t away by mistake. As sno,,sp,oo
OF hsherneh they are equally unfortunate; their Gun
always misses lire at cock pheasant: and no,u,,i
standing dhgent observance of the rules of ..SoI
lnonla their hook fails. or line breaks whenever
trout of any size has taken the bait.
As the wooden spoon" is not confined IN tl..
/ influence ha In
The creatonto a series of tronbles and vcxatons-
us victims are very unfortunate i'll their domestic al
iairs; they get good servant, che is To ar
ry away fthey wash at home, it always rains at tho
time; 1t they have dinner party the weahcris hot
ana lhundery their cstards sour their portridges
stink little SCOT falls into the soup, and fish is OK
tTavagantly dear. The china of these unhappv wo-
men appears more brittle than their neighbours their
gowns seem 10 possess magnetic quality for the
branbies; II glass of port vine il thrown over NJ
table, you need not ask whose dress has been spocd
aud II they take walk unprovdcd with an umbrei-
Ia no barometer IS required to tell YOU ID will roir
When invited 10 a particularly pleasant party thew
catch cold aud cannot go when they visit the ODcra
10 near Pasta Souag, she is sure TO be too inds
posed to sing. In carly HE, they are subjected to
sPraniDg their ankle Just before ball. and In spiil
/ ting shoe when they are about To dance with tho
man they prefer At dinners they arc generally ola-
ced between aged clergymcn and perseverinp yo,,,.
nHnd', borcs take fancy TO them incorrjoible old
bachelors bestUw their tediosness upon them and
they apt to fall IN love with half pay cDsirns and
C'""Iy CUIhl'H. nclT mar grows gray carly, they
lose their teeth soon, their husband is particular a.
bout his dinners, and their children have the whoop
| ng-cough twice.
Belold' on the contrary, the happy nan WHO. with
silver spoon" III his mouth, dances through life 10
the pleasant music of Dame Fortune. His uncles
are al cliIdoss, nobody will marry his unts he sends
basket OF game to a caprciUus old miser ard il
rewarded by legacy Of e. 900: he preacbes n ser
mon before lady of quality, and gets rich reciorv
he buys worthless land, and the next wear there is a
rage Tor building upon II; he writes to his agent in
pa chase minng-sarcs md the letter miscarries
ne IS physician, he Is called in Just ms his patient
disOFGeT takes favorable turn fhc is LAWYER his
clients happeno be ~ the light; ifhe j. naturalist
nondescnpts reward his most careless search; if he
fnor's with friend the birds always rise ON his side
/ History ana biography occasionally furnish us with
examples I" this peculiar fayoured race. Mr. Whit
tnston. was evidently ono Of them, whose very cat
proved source of riches; 50 was the gentleman who
worn out by painful disorder, attempted 20 com
NIT suicide opened an inward impostbnme and was
cnrcd-thc Persian condemned To lose his tongue
whom the operation was so terforn,cd ,ta9 Z,