Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1829-10-02
THE OLD GENTLEMAN'S TEETOTUM
THoni;n,p6

feather; and therefore, when he saw Mrs. Syms,
whom he (acting under the teetotum delusion)
mis,ook Tor the wife OF his own particular bo
som, be gaily accosied her, Sab, old girl! is
j. YOU? Whal. you'v come TO your senses, eh!
Slept il off, / suppose. We'll, well; never mind!
Forgive ard forget, say. never saw you so
before, l will say that for you, however. So.
give US a buss, old girl! and let US SO home,
and without ceremony he began 10 suit the ac-
ton 10 the word, whereupon the real Mrs
Brown a, W TO Mrs Syms' assistance and, by
banging round PEERS neck, enabled her friend
to escape. Mrs Syms, immediately she was
released, began to shake up her drowsy George,
who, Immediately he opened his eyes, scarcely
knew where he was, ma,vclled much to 6ud
himself thus handled by, as he supposed, his
ueIgt bour's wife; but with the maud!ln cum
ming of a drunken man, he thought II was an
excellent Joke, and therefore threw his aims
round her, and began 10 hug her with won
drous and unusual degree Of iondness, whereby
The poor woman was much affected, anG call
ed him her dear George, and said she knew II
was moi his fault, but all along OF that brute,
po:n,ing TO Peter Brown, tina, he had drunk
himself into such state. Come along, my
dear she concluded, 'ivt us 60 and leave him;
I don't care il never see him any more
The evaporation Of Peter Brown, Al seeing
and hearing, as he imagined, his own wife ac'
and speak 10 this manner before his face, may
be more easily imagined than descrihed;' but
his genuine wife, who belonged, as he conceiv-
ed, TO the drunken man, hung 50 close about
his neck that he found il impossible 10 escape.
George Syms, however, was utterly unable TO
rise, aud sat, with an lido! like simper upon
his lace, as il giving hinsrli UP 10 pleaslnS
dtlusion, while his wife was par'lng, and coax
ING. and wheeling him in every way,to IN
dure him 10 get upon his legs and iry 20 go
home At length, as he vaoantiy stared about,
he caught glimpse of Mrs. Blown, who TO
save rcpr.i,ion, we may as well call his 'ee'o>
,um wife, hanging about his neigh bonrs neck.
This sight efIec'ua!ly rousrd him, and before
Mrs. Syms was aware of his intention, he Staff
ed up and ran furiouSly al Pcier Brown, who
cei,ed hun much in he manner that migat
be- expected, with 4 salutation IN toe bread
baskel, which sent him rcelinS on The ttoor.-
as matter of course, Mrs. Syms took the
part Of her fallen hushaod, and put her mark
upon Mr.. Pete, Brown; and Us matter of
course, Mrs Peter Brown took the part Of her
spouse, and commenced an attack on Mrs.
Syms.
In The meanwhile Sally had not been idle.
After ohas.ning jacob Ph,lpot to her hearts
content she, with the assistance oil Mrs Phll
not and Philip the hostler, who was much as
tonisbed TO hear her order the mistress abou,,
conveyed him up stairs, where he was dcpos-
lied as lac was, upon spare bed, To take MS
chance as he sid, sand sleep of his drunken
&, . Sally then returned 10 the scene oil suNe
and desired the company 10 80 ABOUT their
business, for she should not allow any thing
more TO be Gated for that night. Having
said this with an air of authority, she lett the
room; and though Mrs. Syms and Mrs. brown
were greatly surprised thereat, they Said no
thing inasmuch as they were somewhat ash am
ed of their own appearance, and hae matters
of more importance than Saliy's eccenricl,y
to think Of, as Mrs. Syms had been cruelty
wounded in her new shawl, which she had i'm
pruden,ly thrown over her shoulders; and the
lief, side of the lace on Mis-. Browns cap had
been torn away in the reCen' conflict. Mrs
philpot, enacting her part as the teeto'um
Sally Of the night, besonght the Ladies' 10 go
home, and leave the gentlemen 10 sleep where
thew were, i e. upon the floos, Ill! the morning:
for Peter Brown, notwithstanding the noise
he had made, was as incapable OF standing as
the queer George Syms. So the women
dragged them into separate corners OF The
room, placed pillows under their heads, aud
threw blanket over each, aud then lett them
TO rspose. The Two disconsolale wives each
forthwith departed to her own lonely pillow,
leaving Mrs. Philpot particularly puzzled a,
the delereuce with which they had treated her,
by calling her Madam as if she was mistress
Of the house.
Leaving them to all their slumbers, we must
now say word or TWO about the ,eetoium,
the properties of which were to change peo-
Piles characters, spinning the mind Of one man
or woman into the body of another. The du-
ration Of the delusion caused by this jroll game
Of the old gen'leman's depended upon the length
of time spent in the diversion; and FIVE minutes
was the specific period for causing it 10 last
till the mex sunrise or sunset after the change
had been effected. Therefore when the morn
ing came, Mrs. PhilPo, and Sally, and Peter
Brown and George Syms all came to their
senses The two latter went quickly home,
with aching heads and very confused recollec'
,ions Of the preceding evening; and shortly az
ter their departure Mrs. Philpo, awoke in great