Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Mass.) 1828-1830, 1828-06-10
MISCELLANEOUS.
AN ADMIRABLE STORY.
EXTRACT OF A LETTER WRITTEN IN THE YEAR
1872.

We'll, then, have seen your friend
J., and find him exactly what you describ-
ed him as being-a humowist. He seems
to have impaired much of that character
to every thing around him, both animate
and inanimate. His servants are all adj
mirably disciplined to second his whims,
and his very furniture is, for the most part,
adapted TO the same purpose. Upon my
arrival, for instance, after receiving me
with much cordially in consequence of
your letter of introduction, he invited me
to sit down in an easy chair that stood by
the Fireplace but l had scarcely compli-
ed with his request, when | started with
horror from my seat upon the supposltion
that had crushed cat and her whole
litter of kittens to death, so completely
were the mingled and discordant tones of
the animals initiated by the mechanism of
the chair. This put me on my guard,
and there was hardly any thing in the
house afterwards, that | did not touch
without apprehension. No other trick,
however, was practised on me and, as
| found afterwards, l was indebted for
such indulgence to one which they re-
served for me at night, and which was
such as, perhaps, all my English phlegm
would not have enabled me to bear with
patience. escaped, however, being put
to the proof, by the merest accident, the
arrival of poor Scotch surveyor, who was
thought filter subject for the often repeat
ed experiment.
My substitute was treated with great,
indeed with extreme, hospitality he was
helped to every thing to- excess; his glass
was never allowed to stand full or empty
for one minute. The potations were sus-
pended not until, and only, while the cloth
was laying for supper, during and after
which they were resumed with renovated
energy. Our entertainer was like the land
lord described by Addison; the liquor SEEM
ed to have no other effect upon himself
than any other vessel in the house. 1t
was not so with his Scoth guest, who was
by this time much farther advanced upon
the cruise of intoxication than half seas
oUer,-he was literally dead drunk. In
this state he was conducted to his cham
Der, fine lofty Gothic apartment, with
bedstead that seemed coeval with the build
ing. l say seemed, for that was by no
means the case, it being in reality, mo-
dern structure, and entirely ofthe invention
of our host. 1t was dark mahogany, with
its four posts extending completely to the
ceiling of the chamber. The Scotchman,
with good deal of assistance, was soon.
undressed, and had his body politely depo-i!
sited in this place of repose. All the party.
then retired, wishing him a good night:
and removing the candle for fear of acci-
dent.
When the door was closed, I was for
the first time made acquainted with the
structure of the bedstead, which our host
considered as his masterpiece. Upon the
touching of spring outside the door, the
bed was so acted upon by pully, that it
assembled slowly and smoothly through the
four posts, until it came within two or
three feet of the ceiling. The snoring of
the Scotchman was the signal for touching
the spring, and he was soon at the proper
altitude. The trick, to be sure, might
have cost him his neck, but deuce mar
care was the reply of j, to my sugges-
ton to that effect The servants as / be-
fore observed, are all so disciplined to Sc
cond the mischievous fun of their master.
that they required no Instructions how to
act. In one moment the house was in an
uproar; cries of-fre +! fire were heard
IN different directions. A pile of shavings
was set in blaze opposite the very win
dow where poor Sawney slept. Us
voice was continually heard, exclaiming.
" Good Heavens save the poor Scotch
gentleman, if possible the flames have
got into the room just under him pat
this moment we heard him fall and bel
low out. A sudden silence took place
every light was extinguished, and the
whole house seemed to be buried in the
most profound repose. The Scotchman's
voice could alone be heard, roaring out in
the high dialect Of his country for assist
ance. AT length two of the men servants
In their shirts, entered the room with a
candle just lit, and yawning, as if imme-
diately reused from their sleep. They
found him sprawling on the floor" Lord
bless us, Sir! what is the matter with
you?" Matter (says he)-why, isn't
the house on fire ?"--God forbid, sir !'
=" What was the reason of the cries of
fire, fire, then % BLESS you, sir, you
must have been dreaming why there's
not SO much as mouse stirring, and his
honour and the whole family have been
asleep these three hours" The Scotch
man now gave up all testimony of his own
senses" l must ha' been dreaming, in
deed, and ha' hurt myself by falling out
of the bed" Hurt yourself, sir-not
much. I hone the bed IS so Io,uu -nnd