Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Mass.) 1828-1830, 1828-12-09
:. KEEP OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
Where ignorance is bliss,
1 is folly to be wise .n-Grnn
" You are too inquisitiYe .,-pn,1 p,..

Where ignorance is bliss,
is folly to be wise. "-Gray.
You are too inquisitive Paul P,v.
Curiosity caused the expulsion of our first ma
rents from Paradise. - Somebody else. r
In our college-days, we once strolled
into the kitchen of the great hall being
naturally curious" to learn how COOKING
was managed on scale so extensive as TO
meet the wants of some two hundred
students. 1t was quarter of an hour
before breakfast, and an enormous kettle.
hlled with coffee las it was denominatedl
hung gloomily over the fire. AS its con-
tents boiled and bubbled, we observed
ever and anon some dark substance, evil
IDENTIFY too large to be grain of coffee.
rising to the surface, ard Instantly duck
ing down, as if its deeds were evil. What
was " it? OF that very same liquid in
hiteen minutes we were to partake; we
were TO persuade our palate. that it was
BONA tide coffee, despite of all insinuations
that 1t was made of poplar leaves and
damaged rye. What could that mysteri-
GUS black substance be? Was it a stur-
geon, or negro's head, or stick of
wood, or a stove-pipe? The question
was one OF great personal interest-curi-
osity took the alarm-our evil star had
provided cane-we plunged it in the
boiling ocean before us, and raised to
the fair light of the laughing morn, an
OLD HAT. Heavens what discovery
even now we tremble at the horrid recol-
lection.
In few minutes we were in the break
fast-hall, carrying the hat on the canes
point There were our classmates masti-
eating, with all their might, the toughest
bread in Christendom, and pouring down
their devoted Threats, cup after cup of
that internal beverage. Reader, permit
as to become | for few minutes. We
sounds so outlandish in a dialogue I
took my place next to my friend FRANK
STANLEY.
" FRANK. what are you drinking?
Coffee
=" Will you take your oath of that 2"
What the deuce do you mean 7"
" L have been in the kitchen-I have
made terrible discovery-put down that
cup. for mercy's sake"
Here the whole table caught the
alarm" speak out, speak out" resound-
ed on all sides
Fellow-Juniors, you fondly imagine
that you have been drinking coffee-no
such thing-you have been drinking HAT
S0ap-here is the hat ITSELF holding UP
the still rovkiug ana norrld mass, which
had been boiled into a polygon five
minutes ago fished this out of the coffee
kettle !"
That same Junior Glass was composed
of as many reckless dare-devils as were
ever congregated under one roof-they
cared nothing for thunder claps, or stages
In the process of being capsized-they
had once set at defiance all the militia of
but this discovery was too
much for them-every one was appalled,,
and they all left the room muttering exc
crations. That night the cook was tarred
and feathered, and rode on rail, and the
keeper of the hall was burnt in effigy.
never took another cup of college coffee.
The story has its moral. Curiosity,
which kicked Eve out of Eden, and sent
Doctor Faustus to old Nicholas (familiarly
and endearingly called Old Nick) is as
fatal to the physical as it is to the intelec-
tual appetite. The tree of knowledge is
not the tree of life-and if we gather the
fruit of the former, we lose our relish for
that of the latter. Reader, if you are in
clined to pinguitude-if you live in an
after dinner dread of apoplexy-in three
weeks you will be as thin as Cassius,
without his hungry look" But if you
wish to enjoy the good things of life, seek
not to be too wise, and above all things
KEEP OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
So with the Stage. The time was,
when we hung with breathless interest on
the mimick scene. But, one fatal night
we went behind the scenes. We took a
glass of wine with Virginius, cracked a
joke with Appius C!audius, and made our
best bow to Virginia, just after the old
man had killed her in the market. The
charm was broken-the golden chain of
was severed-it has never
been reunited.-N. Y C0w.
AN IRISH SCHOOL