Literary cadet and Rhode-Island statesman. [volume] (Providence, R.I.) 1827-1829, 1828-09-24
PROVIDENCE.
AWKWARDNESS.
The following well written article is copied
from n recent knplish nublication:

IMAM IL naturally the most AWKWARD ahi-
NAL that inhales the breath Of life. There Is
nothing, however simple, which he can per-
form with the smallest approa ch to gracefulness
| or ease. If he walks-he hobbies, or jumps,
or limps, or trots, or sidles, or creeps-but
| creeping, hobbling, and jumping, are by no
means walking. If he sits-he 6dgets, twists
| his legs under chair, throws his arm over the
| back Of it, and puts himself into a perspirauon,
| Sy trying to be at ease. 1t 10 the same IN the
| more complicated operations OF life. Behold
tha, individual on horse! See with what pei
sevoring alacrity he hobbies up and down from
| the croupe TO the pommel, while his horse goes
| quietly at an amble Of from four 10 five miles
| in the hour. See how his knees, flying like a
! weaver's shuttle from one extremity of the sad
| die to another, destroy, in pleasure ride from
Edinburgh to Roslin, the good grey kersey-
meres, which were glittering day or two ago
| in Scaife & Wlllis's shop. The horse begins to
| gallop Bless our soul! the gentleman will
! decidedly roll Of. The reins were never in
tended to be pulled like peal of Bob Majors;
your head, my friend, ought to be on your own
| shoulders, and not poking out between your
chargers ears; and your horse ought TO use its
| exertions to move on, and notyou' 1t very
| cold day, you have cantered your two miles,
| and now you are wpng your brows. as if you
| had run the distance in half the time on foot.
"People think it a mighty easy thing to roll
| along in a carriage. Step into this nobly,-
| That creature in tho corner is evidently IN
| state of such nervous excitement that his body
| is as immoveable as If he had breasfasted on
| the kitchen poker; evsry jolt OF the vehicle
| must give him shake like batterng ram;
| do you call this coming in to give yourself rest:
| Poor man, your RIBS will ache for this, for
month to come! But tde other gentleman
opposite, see how flexible he has rendered his
| body Every time my venerable friend on the
| Goa ch box extends the twig with few yards
! of twino at tho end Of ii, which he denoHinates
| whupp," the suddenness ofthe accelerated
motion makes his great round head flop from
| the centre of his short thick neck, and come
with such violence on the unstu.tt d back, that
| his hat is sent down upon the bridge Of mis- nose
| with vehemence which might well nigh carry
J il away. Do you say that man is capablo Of
| taking a pleasure ride! Before no has been
bumred three miles, every pull Of wind will be
! jerked out Of his body, and by the time ho has
arrived at Roslin, he will be dead man. II
that man prospers in tho world, he commits
suicide the moment he sets up his carriage.
"we 90 to ball Mercy upon u.s. IS this
what you call dancing! A man Of thirty years
| Of age, and with legs as thick as gate-post,
stands up in the middle Of the room, and gapes,
| and funbles with his gloves, looking all tho
| time as if he were burying his grandmother.-
! AT given signal. the unwieldy animal puts
| himself in motion, he throws out his arms,
crouches up his shoulders, and, without moving
| a muscle Of his face, kicks out his legs, TO the
manifest risk Of the bystanders, and goes back
to his place, putting and blowing like an otter,
| after a half hours burst. Is this dancing:-
| Shades Of the fila! and patornal Venus can
| this be a specimen of the art which gives eas-
IL A,l,sx ssnn Inh
sets the blood glowing with a warm and genial
! flow, and makes beauty aoat before our ravsh-
| ed senses, stealing our admiration by the grace
| fulness Of each new motion, till at last our
| souls thrill to each warning movement, ard
dissolve into ecs,acy and love' Maiden, with
| the roses lying among the twinings OF thy long
| red hair! think not that the art of dancing con.
ssts merely in activity and strength. Thy
limbs, which are none Of the weakest, were
not intended TO be the rivals Of a pavior's ham
mer: the a5tIfcer who trimmed thy locks, had
no idea that his labours were 10 be lifted three
feet higher than thy natural height from the
ground spare thyself such dreadful exertion,
we beseech thee, and consider that thine ancle,
! though strong and thick as St. Georges pillars,
may be broken or spraincd with such salta'
| tons.
| "Psopie seem even to labour TO be awkward
One would think a gentleman might shake
hands with familiar friend without any symp-
| toms Of cubbishness. Not at ali. The hand is
I ierked out by the ono with the velocity Of
| rocket, and comes so Unexpectedly to the
length Of its tether, that il nearly dslocates
| the shoulder bone. There it stands swaying
and clutchng at the wind, at the full extent of
the arm, while the other is hall poked out. and
half drawn in, as if rheumatism detained the
upper moety and only below the elbow were
at liberty TO move. After you have shaken the
hand, (but for what reason you squeeze 1t, as
! if it were a sponge, can by no means imagine)
can you not withdraw it to your side, and keep
it in the station where nature and comfort alike
tell you it ought to be- Do you think your
bree ches pocket the most proper place to push
| your daddle into? Do you put it there to guard
the solitary half crown from the capacity Of
your friend; or do you put il across your breast
in case Of an unexpected windcr from your APP
parenily peacebe acquaintance on the oppo-
| site side!
| Who, in the name Of wonder, taught you to
| touch your hat. DO you imagine that any lady
will be pleased by your doffng your castor, as
| If il hurt your head, or throwing your hand up
TO it, as If to hold it on against a sudden gust
Of wind, or tapping it on the brm with tho
point Of your fore finger, as If it were the in
terror Of a snuff-box' Why will you be so
awkward Most learned expounder Of The i'll
tricacies Of law, remember whom your hat is
fairly and genteclly oil, the best thing you can
do is to put il quietly and calmly on again
Rccollect in these easterly winds that YOU
have left your wig in the Parliament House,
and besides, that some BOBBY Of phrenolo.
| gist will set you down in his noxt philosophical
| essay, as endowed with an enormous organ Of
off.hattiveness, and the proportions OF your
neck may be quito as well concealed. Stop,
my dear George. you intended to take of your
hat to the ladies' in the blue pelisscs, your
nod was pretty well, but your salute, as we say
in the army. was bestowed upon two lady's
maids and three children in window three
| L.