The Massachusetts spy, and Worcester County advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1825-1831, 1828-12-31
From the Literary Souvenir. =
TOO HANDSOME FOR ANY THING.
BY ALARIC A. WATTS.

L
BY ALARIc A. WATTS.
Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy was one Of those
models of perfection of which n h3man fa-
ther and mother can produce but single ex-
ampie-Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy was there
fore an only son. He was such an amazing
fayorlte with both his parents that they re-
solved to ruin him; accordingly he was ex-
ceedngly spoiled, never ANNOYED by the
slght OF book, end had as much plum-cake
AS ne eonld eat. Happy would it have been
Tor MI. Ferdinand Fi:zroy could he always
nave eaten plum-cake, and remained a
chiid: Nevet," says the Greek tragcdian,
: reckon mortal happy till you have Wit
messed his end" A most beautiful creature
was Ssf. Ferdinand Fitzroy Such eyos-
such haIr--such teeth-such a fgure-sucb
manners, too,-and such an irresistible way
OF tying, his neckcloth When he was
about sixteen,- a grabbed old uncle repre-
sented TO his parents the propriety of teach
ing Mr.. Ferdinand Fitzroy to read and
write Though not without some difficulty,
he convinced them, he was exceedingly
rich, and riches in an uncle are wonderful
arguments respecting the nurture Of u neph-
ew whose parents have nothing to leave
him 80 our hero was now sent to school
he was naturally Il am not joking now) a
very sharp, clever boy /; and he came on
surprisingly in his learning. The school
masters wife liked handsome children.
What genius will Master Ferdinand
f'itzroy be, if you take pains with him 70
said she to her husband :" Pooh, my dear,
it is of no use to take pains with him. -
And why, love 2" Because he is a great
deal too handsome ever to be a scholar"
n y
the schoolmaster's wife. So, because he was
too handsome to be a scholar, Mr.. Ferdi-
nand Fitzroy remained the fag of the fourth
form! They took our hero from school
What profession shall he follow 2" said
his mother. "My first cousin is the lord
chancellor" said his father; 'slet him 90 to
the bar" The lord chancellor dined there
that day Mr.. ferdinand Ftzroy was in
troduced to him. His lordship was little.
rougn-faced, beetle-brow, hard-featured
man, who thought beauty and idleness the
same thing-and parchment skin the le-
gitimate complexion for lawyer. "Send
him TO the bar !" said he, no, no, that will
never do!-send him TO the army; he is
much too handsome to become a LAWYER"
" And that's true enough, my lord J" said
his mother. So they bought Mr.. Ferdinand
F'ltzroy cornetcy in the - regiment
of dragons, Things are not learned by
! inspiration. MT. Ferdinand Fitzroy had
never ridden at school, except when he was
hoisted; he was, therefore, a very indiffer-
ent horseman; they sent hin to the riding
school, and every body laughed at him.
Gle is great ass !" said Cornet Horsephiz,
who was very ugly; "a horrid puppy :"
said Lieutenant ST. Squintem, who was still
uglyer; " if be does not ride better, he will
disgrace the regiment !" said Captain Rival
hate, who was very good looking; if he
does not ride better, we viii cut him :" said
Colonel Everttrill, who was wonderful
martinez; {" say, Mr.. Bumpemwell, Ito the
riding mastery make that youngster ride
less like tniller's SACK "Poh, sir, he
will never ride better" "And why the
d will he not - "Bless you! Col
onel, he is great deal too handsome for
cavalry officer !" 'True !" said Cornet
Horsephiz. "Very true!" said Lieutenant
St. Squintcm. "We must cut him." said
the Colonel. And Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy
was accordingly cut. Our hero was ayonth
of susceptibility quilted the - regi-
ment, and challenged the Colonel. The
Colonel was killed "What terrible
BLACKBOARD is Mr.. Ferdinand Fitzroyw said
the Colonel's relations. "Very true" said
the world. The parents were in despair.
! They were not rich, but our horo was an
only son, and they spunged hard upon the
grabbed old uncle. s. He is very clever"
said they both, sand may do yet" So they
borrowed some thousands from the uncle,
and bought his beautiful nephew seat II:
Parliament. Mr.. Ferdinand Fitzroy WAS
| ambitious, and DESTROYS of retrieving his
character. He tagged like dragoon--con-
ned pamphlets and reviews-got Ricardo
by heart-and made notes on the English
| Constitution. He rose to speak. "What
handsome fellow 10 lvh,sperel.- one mem
her. "Ah, coxconlb !" said another
& Never do for a speaker" said third.
VERY au,lilly. And the gentlemen on the
opposite benches sneered aud hsdred! I'M
pudence is only Indigenous in MiIlsia, and
IN orator is not matte IN a day.
Discouraged ly his reception, Mr. Fer
ainand Fitzroy grew a little embarrassed.
" Told You so ~ said one OF mis- neighbors.
g Fairly broken down" said another. " Too
fond of his hair to have any thing i'll his
head" said a third, who was considered
wit. "Hear, hear!" cried the gentlemen
on the opposite benches. Mr. Ferdinand
Fitzroy sat down--he had not shUne; but,
in justice, he lud not failed. Many first
rate speaker had begun worse; and many
a county member had been declared phe-
oniz Of promise upon half his merit. Not
so, thought the heroes of corn laws. Your
Adonises never make orators !" said crack
speaker with wry nose. "Nor men of
business either" added the chairman Of a
committee, with a face like a kangaroo's.
I" Poor creature :" said the civlIest of the
set. Giles deuced deal too handsome
for speaker BY Joye, he is goin,- to