Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Mass.) 1828-1830, 1828-06-17

ence brings Notifying proof of the business Of the
following satire, which is copied from the New
York Commercial Advertiser, paper whichdeserves
no little praise for its unweared pains to preserve
the English language from utter ruin, by the heed.
lessness or ignorance of editors of newspapers.
Many of the popular vulgarisms are here happily
hit off =
4 MELANCHOLY CATASTROPHE. A pig
4 with rather a lengthy tail, but which, when
tcurled up, looked rather shortish, was
being run over by cart on yesterday, by
the mean of which his life was eminently
Eieopardised, when a gentleman. who was
progressing diagonaliy across the street,
and who thought the cartman a notorious
fellow, and that his conduct was obnoxious,
predicating the idea upon the supposition
that he might have cleared out of the pigs
way, orcalled out to him to stop. The cart
man made a profane declinature, and the
wheel passed over the balance of the pig,
and broke his back. The owner of the
animal, considering that there was no pre-.
tentative for his death, which opinion he
based upon the fact Of his not being able
/ to stand, has brought suit in the Justices
court to recover two dollars damages.
The value ofpork has appreciated, accord
J ing to the valuable and talented price
current of Mr.. Clayton, which is copy
trighted, and found imminently useful by
commercialists and agriculturalists. We
have these facts over the signature of the
pigs proprietor and hope he may reco-
yer in order that other cartmen may take
warning from the case of this one, and
not do like he did.--Com. Ado.
| CAVALIER CoURTsHP.-The ceremoney
of marriage, among the Kalmacks, is pro-
formed on horseback. A girl is first
mounted who rides off in full speed. Her
lover pursues if he overtakes her, she be-
comes his wife, and the marriage is con-
summated on the spot After this she re-
turns with him to his tent. But it some
times happens that the woman does not
wish to marry the person by whom she is
pursued; in this case she will not suffer
him to evertake her. We were assured,
that no instance occurs of Kalmacks
girl being thus caught, unless she have
partially for her pursuer. If she dslikes
him she rides, neck or nothing, until she
has completely effected her escape, or UNI
til her pursuer's horse becomes exhausted,
leaving her at liberty to return, and to be
afterwards chased by some more fayoured
admirer.-C 4uke's Trasezs.
ANEcDoTE. A gentleman lately died in
one Of our adjacent villages, who num-
Der of years since, was sorely afflicted
with a bile, so much SO as to be compelled
for several days to preserve the same POI
sition of his body. One day he made an
effort to go into his cellar and draw some
cider and took with him an old blue and
white mug, which for many years had
been an ornament in the family, and having
hobbled to the cellar stairs, he unfortunate
ly trod upon potato, which precipitated
him to the bottom of the cellar, breaking
his bile, and putting him in the most excru-
ciating pain. His tender spouse, hearing
the noise, ran to the top Of the stairs and
called out, My dear, have you broke the
mug Smarting with pain, he exclaim-
ed,-No, but will; and Immediately
dashed it againstthe wall.-Eastern paper.
AFFECTED AFFECTION. Clarina was mar
ried to the most affectionate of husbands,
and as it appeared to the world the love
which she felt in return, had never been
equalled in any tale or romance. But short
time had elapsed since their marriage, before
the husband fell dangerously i'll, and the
poor Clarina was the object of great COM
passion. 1t was judged impossible for her
to survive him, and so unbounded was her
affection, that no one thought she could live
to close the eyes of her dying husband. 90
death % she cried, as she leaned over The
emaciated body, weeping, 60 death if you
are not stranger to pity, make me your
prey instead of my dear husband" Death
heard, and presenting himself at the door
demanded who was calling "The gentle
man who lies in that bed, replied Clarina.
A Coon WIFE. There are three things
a good wife should resemble, and yet these
three things she should not resemble. She
should be like town-clock-keep time and
regularity she should not be like town.
clock-speaking SO loud that all the town
may hear her. She should be like a snail
prudent, and keep within her own house
she should not like snail--carry all she
has on her back. She should be like an
echo-always speak, when spoken to; she
should not be like an echo-determine
always to have the last word
Mr.. Penn, ayoung gentleman well known
for his excentricities, engaged in contest,
on a wager of 100 guinieas, with Butler.
A gentleman, mentioning it to the Duchess
of Gordon, observed, it was pity that so
many good qualities should be employed in
such unaccountable FRANKS. $50 it is" re-
~ II H.