Virginia statesman. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1828-1829, 1828-08-06
INDEPENDENCE FUN.
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the world and every thing else, our tym-
pan was saluted with burst of eloquence
that was instantly communicated to our
legs, which stood still as the moon once did
the eloquence Of better man. Whence,
gentle reader, thinkest thou came forth a
charm which could stay man In his pro-
gress after the needful! Why, some child
Of Independence practising a speech for
the fourth of July, from between the thills
of a handcart as it squatted on It's hinder
end with q humble sense Of the dignity Of
the occasion. We give the following as
something like report, and would tell our
readers where the rest may be heard, and
before what Observation-Disclosures, Cart
men, or Temperate Society It IS to be de-
ivered but truly we dared not interrupt the
speaker with any impertinent questions.
My Dear Fellow men and women, Ire
ioice exceedingly to meet so great q con
course, conglomerated by the heat Of a Ju-
ly sun, and your own sweet breaths, con
Joined together by the coniugal ties Of pat
riotism and vanity: you are consoclated
to condole with each upon the want Of CO.
absence in the consistency Of our RepUb-
lie. It becomes US to come together upon
Misunderstanding. andto come to anunder-
standing upon all that concerns us as q
body. and all our bodily concerns. This
is a great day-one of the longest IN
the year, though the sun has had can
Ger, since the 9th ultmo; there are, as /
said before, few days in the year that con-
tain twenty-four longer hours. It is the
first day i'm our calendar, althoughitis the
fourth. and we come forth upon tins day
to drink mantully for the glory of our ia
Tiers, and many of us TO father the sin Of
drunkenness. Our women, they spin
street yarnto the glory of their yarn spin
ning grandnothers, and our men reel 1t
off in patriotic rectangular roundabouts to
the glory of those who fought like stuck
swine and bledIiko tender calves, that We,
their successors in regular descent, might
eat our pork and mutton in peace and Plen-
ty, and have plenty Of peas; that we might
ret corncd FROM the bottle, or on egg pop,
aud pop our corn in a dish of suckerhsh;
thar we might suck such trash as should
seem meet unto us, and have meet on our
large dishes, if we should happen to get
dished on small beer. Ye are nation Of
wine bibbers, but oh yc shall whine for It
when the day of reckoning comes, for up
ON that day. l reckon the Champagne
which has hclled the palate, will makeyou
all look pallid with real pain; for although
wine-scllcrs are merry men, vet notwth-
standing, if YOU Go not furnish them with
what IS necessary to the filing and secu-
ring of their long neckcd bottles. twill be
necessary that they should secure you 10
the stone jug, and there will be no With
standing their pressing invitations.
pray ye all, pay ye alIye owe, to all men;
pay your notes, and do not forget them:
upon TINS patriotic day, pay all yc owe on
1cE.
We men in dickeys and incypressiblos.
how mach better are ye off than your faith
crs were in corduroy breeches and square
coat flaps! Yewomen Peut up ia stays IN
Eay.uuos, know that We ROW repent that
We purchased these brittle head gears, and
That We would purchase relief at any price;
yoJr mothers wore humble straw, and
doubt not that your patriotism makes each
OF You wish herself 10 Leghorn. Aye,
see your faces glow through their high
coloring, and your ewes sparkle, even as
a black cats back does in the dark, thro'
thewarm drops thatat this moment arc cha
sing each other slowly over your faces ash
10th TO leave so sweet and perlumoda rest
ing place We arehapPier than your faith
ers and mothers, for We wear less powder,
and save the trouble of brushing; instead Of
their clumsy high heels, We wear the deli
cate square toes. Happy people. ye may
look forward to the time when your age
shall allow YOU to command your desires;
butch do not allow your dcsirings to occa-
sion such an aspiring as to prevent your
susprlng.
We viii now turn to another point IN
the horizon, the situation Of politics In our
country; they are IN very ticklish situa-
ton, and a Troup with pen, can cut out
more work than two troops can cut up with
the sword. Our country, at this time, may
be compared to huge pot in which pota-
toes are boiling, or to a jar Ofolives-each
potatof Dolls, and each olive swims on ITS
own hook, and a three pronged fork Is ne
ccssary to hook them up. Oneis clothed
with cashmere and another with mere
coarse woouens; one Is soaked with whis-
key, and another Is previously watersoak-
ed. The descendants of the Quaker Penn,
have q penchant for the military, but they
shall quake and almost die for fear under