Literary cadet and Rhode-Island statesman. [volume] (Providence, R.I.) 1827-1829, 1828-12-03
PROVIDENCE.
A TOUCHY LADY.

woman Of thirty or thereabout, healthy,
wealthy, and Of good repute, with a fine
house, a fno family and an excellent husband.
A solitary calamity renders all these bless
ings Of no avail tho g~entlewoman Is touchy.
This affection has given a color to her whole
life. Her biography has q certain martial
dignity, like the history Of. q nation she
dnes from battle to battle, and passes her
days in an interminable civil war.
The fret person who, long before she could
speak, had the misfortune to offend the young
lady, was the nurse then. in quick success
sion, four nursery maids, who were turned
away, poor things because Miss Anne could
not abide them then her brother Harry, by
being born, and diminishing her iinpor-
lance ; then three governesses thsn two wri-
ting masters then one music mistress then
q whole school. On leaving school, afffonts
multiplied Of course I; and she has been in a
constant mfr with servants. trades-peoPle. re-
| lations and friends ever since SO that al
though really pretty Cat least she would be so
if it wore not for q standing frown and a cor
tain watehful defying look 10 her eyes) decid-
| edly clever and accomplished, and particularly
charitable, so far as giving money goes. (your
| ili-tempered woman has often that redeeming
grace,) she is known only by her one absorb
| ing quality Of loneliness, and is dreaded and
hated accordingly by ovory one who has the
honor Of her acquaintance.
Paying her a visit is one of the most formi-
| dable things that can DO imagined. ono Of the
trials which in a small way demand the great
| est resolution. 1t is so difficult to find what to
say. You must make up your mind TO the AZ
fair, as you Go when going into a shower bath.
Differing with her is pulling the string and
agreeing with her too often or too poin,edly is
nearly as bad. she then suspects you of sus-
pecting her infrmity, Of which she has herself
a g%liumering Consciousness, and treats you
with q sharp touch Of it accordingly. But
what is there that she will not suspect! Ad-
mire tho colors Of a new carpet, and sbe
thinks you are looking at some invisible hole
praise the pattern Of a morning cap, and she
accuses you Of thinking it too gay. She has
an ingenuity of perverseness. which brings all
subjects nearly to a level. The ncD,ion of
hor neighbors is evidently taboo, since it is at
least twonty to one but she is in a state Of at
front with nine-tenths of them her own fami-
ly are also taboo for the same reason. Books
are particularly unsafe. She stands vibrating
| on the pinnacle where two fears meet, ready
to be suspected Of bluostockingism on tho one
hand, or of ignorance and ~frivolity on the 9TH
err, just as the work you may chance to namo,
happens to be reconcile or popular nay,
sometimes tho same production shall excite
both feelings. "Have you read Haiji Bahia ?"
said l to her ono day last winter, " Hail Ba-
ba the Porslan''-" Really, Ma'um, l am no
orientalist." "Hajji Baba, the clever Persian
tale p" continued /, determined not to BIO
daun,sl. 81 believe, Miss NJ" joined she,
that you think I have nothing better to do than
to read novels" And so she snip-snapped to
the end Of the visit. Even the Scotch novels,
which she docs own reading, are no resources
in her desperate case. There wo are ship
wrecked on tho rocks Of taste. "A difference
there is fatal. She takes to those delicious
books as personal property, and spreads over
them the prickly shield Of her protection, in
the samo spirit with which she appropriates
her husband and her children is huiiy il you
prefer Guy Mannering to the An!iquary, and
quite jealous if you presume to praise Joannio
Deans ; thus cutting OIL his Mojes,y's lieges
from the most approved topic eff conversation
among civilized people, a neural ground as
open and various as the weather, and far moro
delightful. but what did 1 say The very
weather is with her no prudent word. She
protcnds to skill in that science of guesses
commonly called weather wisdom. and a fog,
or a shower, or n thunderstorm or the bless
ed sun himself, may have been rash enough to
contradict her %bodemonts, and put her out Of
humor for the day.
Her own name has all her life long been a
fertile source Of misery to this unfortunate la
dy. Her maiden name was Smytho, Anne
Smythe. Now Smythe. although perfectly
g%ontecl and unexceptionable 10 look at, a pat
tern appsllaiion on paper, was in speaking no
way distinguished from tho common Smiths
who cumber the world. Size mover heard that
word Of fear,'' especially when introduced
to a new acquaintance, without looking as II
she longed to spell. Ammo was bad enough {;
people had housomaids Of that name, as If to
make q confusion and her grandmother in
eis,ed on emitting tho final q. in which impor-
tsnt vowel was seated all il could boast Of ell
egance or dignity and once a brother Of IT,
teen, the identical brother Harry. an Elon,an.
a pickle, one Of that order Of clever boys who
seem born for the torment Of thsir female