The Massachusetts spy, and Worcester County advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1825-1831, 1828-08-20
WHOLE NO. $3.50.

poor ScOtch surveyor, who was thought filter
subject for the often repeated experiment.
My substitute was treated with great. indeed
with extreme hospitality he was helped to
every thing to excess his glass was never al
lowed to stand full or empty for one minute.
The rotations were suspended not until, and
only while the cloth was laying for supper, dur
ing and after which, they were assumed with
renovated energy. Our entertainer was like
the landlord described by Addison; the liquor
seemed to have no other effect upon himself
than any other vessel in the house. 1t was not
so with his Scotch guest, who was by this time
much farther advanced upon the cruise of in
toxlcatIon than halt seas over-he was literally
dead drunk. In this state he was conducted to
his chamber, fine, lofty Gothic apartment,
with bedstead that seemed covered with the
buIlding-I say seemed, for that was by no
means the case, it being in reality modern
structure, and entirely of the invention of our
host. 1t was dark mahogany, with its four
posts extending completely to the ceiling of the
assistance, was soon undressed, and had his
body politely deposited in this place of repose
All the party then retired, wishing him good
night, and removed the candle for fear of acct
dent.
When the door was closed, was, for the
first time, made acquainted with the structure
of the bedstead, which our host considered as
his masterpiece. Upon touching spring ous-
side the door, the bed was so acted upon by
pully, that it assembled slowly and smoothly
through the four posts until it came within two
or three feet of the ceiling. The snoring of the
Scotchman was the signal for touching the
spring, and he was soon at the proper altitude.
The trick, to be sure, might have cost him his
neck, but duce may care was the reply of
F., to my suggestion to that effect. The
servants, as before observed, are SO disciplined
TO second the mischievous fun of their master,
that they required no instructions how TO act
In one moment the house was in an uproar;
cries ot-fre !! fire! were heard in different d.
rections. A pile of shavings was set in blaze
opposite the very window where poor Sawney
slept. J-'s voice was continually heard,
exclaiming, Good Heavens save the poor
Scotch gentleman if possible the flames have
got into the room just under him "-at this
moment we heard him fall and below out A
sudden silence took place-every light was ex-
tinguished, and the whole house seemed to be
in most profound repose. The Scotchman's
voice could alone be heard, roaring out. in the
high dialect of his country, for assistance At
length two of the men servants in their shirts
entered the room with candle Just lit, and
yawning, as if Immediately reused from their
sleep. They found him sprawlng on the floor
=" Lord bless us, sir what is the matter with
you? Matter! (says he)-why, isn't the
house on fire ?'-" God forbid, sir ~" What
was the reason of the cries fire, then ~ Bless
you, sir, you must have been dreaming why
there's not so much as a mouse stirring his
honor and the whole family have been asleep
these three hours The Scotchman now gave
up all testimony of his own senses-sI must
ha' been dreaming, indeed and ha' hurt myself
by falling out of bed' 8. Hurt yourself. sir
not much | hope, the bed is so low'-and bv
this time it had been made to descend to its first
level The poor Scot was quite confused
quite ashamed at disturbing the family begged
thousand pardons-accompanied the servants
to the door closed it after them, and was left
once more in the dark.
But the last act of the pantomime was not vet
performed The spring had been Immediately
touched, upon closing the door, and the bed
vas soon beyond the reach of our guest We
could hear him cropping about and uttering fire.
quent CALCULATIONS of establishment He easily
found the bed posts, but i: was in vain for him
to attempt to get in. He moved his hands up
and down. His leg was often lifted by way of
stepping in, but always encountered the floor
by its descent.
He uttered curses not loud but deep" for
fear of again disturbing the family. He con-
cluded himself to be in the possession of the
devil In short when it was found, by his 81
lence, that he had given up the task as hope.
less, and had disposed of himself upon one of
the chairs, the bed was allowed to slide down
again, and in the lnorning Sawney could not
express his establishment at not having been
able to find it in the dark.
VEGETABLES. The experience of mankind is
sufficiently comm ehenSi We To have ascertained