The Massachusetts spy, and Worcester County advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1825-1831, 1828-10-08
From Blackioood's Magazine.
AWKWARDNESS OF MAN

Man is naturally the most awkward ami
NAL that inhales the breath of life. Behold
that individual on horse See with what
persevering alacrity he hobbies up and down
from the croupe to the pommel, while his
horse goes quietly at the amble of from
four to five miles in the hour See how his
knees, flying like a weaver's shuttle, from
one extremity of the saddle to the other,
destroy, in pleasure ride from Edinburgh
to Roslin, the kerseymeres, which were
new day or two ago. The horse begins to
gallop-bless our soul the gentleman will
decidedly roll off. The rens were never
intended to be pulled like peal of Bob
Majors your head, my friend, ought to be
on your own shoulders, and not poking out
between your chargers ears; and your
horse ought to use its exertons to move on.
and not you. 1t is a very cold day, you
have can.ered yonr two miles, and now you
are wiping your brows, as if you had run
the distance in half the time on foot.
We 90 to ball. Mercy on us is this
what you call dancing? A man of thirty
years Of age, and with legs as thick as
gate post, stands up in the middle of the
room, and gapes, and fumbles with his
gloves, looking all the time as if he were
burying his grandmother. At given sig
nal the unwieldly animal puts himself in
motion; he throws out his arms, croucbes
up his shoulders, and, without moving a
muscle of his face, kicks out his legs, to the
manifest risk of the bystanders, and goes
back to his place putting and blowing like
an otter, after halEhour's burst Maiden,
with the rose lying among the twinings of
thy long hair! think not that the art of
dancing consists merely in activity and
strength. Thy limbs, which are none of
the weakest, were not intended to be the
rivals of pSvior's hammer the artifcer,
who trimmed thy locks, had no idea that
his labors were to be lifted three feet high
err than by natural height from the ground !;
spare thyself such dreadful exertion, we be-
seech thee, and consider that thine ankle,
though strong and thick as st. Georges
pillars, may still be broken or sprained with
such salutations.
Men are decidedly more awkward than
+" all commanding women" every where, ex-
cept on the road.
A newly married couple are invited to a
wedding dinner. Though the lady per-
haps, has run off with a person below her
in rank and station, see when they enter
the room, how differently they behave
How gracefully she waves her head in the
fine recover from the Withdrawing curtsy
and beautifully extends her hand to the
bald-pated individual grinning to her on
( the rug While tho poor oPovI, boz 2,us-
band, looks on with the white of his eyes
turned up as if he were sea sick, and his
hands bangle dangle on his thighs as if he
were trying to lift his own legs. See how
he ducks to the lady of the house, and sim
pers across the fire place TO his wife, who
by this time is giving most spirited ac-
count of the state of the roads, and the civil
ity of the Positions near the borders.
Is man little Let him always, if posi-
BILE, stoop. We are sometimes tempted tc
! lay sprawlng in the mud, fellows Of from
FIVE feet to FIVE feet eight, who carry the
back of their heads on the extreme SUNNI
Of their back bone, and cape up to HEAVIER
as fthey scorned the ground. Let no lit
tie man wear iron heels.
Is a man tall Let him never wear sur
tout. 1t is the most unnatural, and there
fore the most awkward dress that ever wa
, invented. On tall man, if he be thin,
appears like a cossack trouser on q stlcl
} leo if it be buttoned, it makes his lean
ness and lankness still more appalling ant
| absurd if it be open, it appears to be n
J part of his costume, and leads us to suppos
that some elongated habit maker is givlnI
, us that rare bird, the flying tailor.
t We 60 on a visit to the country for te'
, days, and the neighborhood is famous TO
| its beautiful prospects. On these occasion
: how infinitely superior the female is to tn
male part of the species! The ladies, In
: quarter of an hour after the proposal OF tn
f day, appear all in readiness to start, eac
d with her walking shoes and parasob with
e smart reticule dangling from her wris
a The gentlemen, ON the other hand, set G
d with great heavy Wellingtons, which, aft'
e having walked half mule, pinch them