Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1828-11-27


A ,umber Of speeches we're made, and toasss
piyen. The foriAsf were not the best speei'
mems of rhetoric We have seen; nor were the
,oasts as brilliant as the caste Of the company
gave us some right to expect. what we con-
Slider a triae better than either oratory or wit
gas. however, abundant-the mos. harmoni>
Gus feeling.
But the champagne drunk after the cloth had
been removed. was decidedly bad-and why
For one highly vicious qdsiity--'he INSPIRATION
Of puns! The gentlemen did not, 1t Is true, &C.
tually come up to the mark OF the Bread and
Cheese at the Cooper lunch; but they were IN
vetera,e enough, for all that. We would have
liked it had the ghost Of Joseph Addison started
up in the midst, and pulled every one OF them
soundly by the ears. They would have cra'ed
forgiveness on The spot; and some such process
is necessary for curing the -pnn-ma"la wnich
has Of late got so strong ioo'ing on ms as
we'll as the other side of the Atlantic. And
such puns! Nine tenths Of those most IN vogue
require kew in order 10 be understood. AXE,
for example, one printed few days ago in
cir, paper. "This big egg ought to be picked
and sent to the Museum. 1t would then be
see.salied (exalted)," We have read worse
things. however, and all owing to the example
OF four or FIVE arch offenders, namely HOOK
and Hook in London, Lord Norbury IN Ouohn'
FINN in Boston, and -- III New YORK.
Were we an Autocrat in these matters, we
should impose as punishment, the perpetual
wear of tight shoes for the feet, and motley
coxcomb for the head. This would be dis
cipli,. Just suited to the offence; and the above
five should he marked accordingly.
I; is now time 10 leave pnns in general, and
10 return TO those punsters in particular who
have led US into this DEPRESSION, Upon paper,
there is not . single set OF men on VI uius
orbed ground" so beIlgerenl as the editors OF
the periodical press; and especially that portion
of il known as political. Neither the Russians
while sabre-ing the Turks, nor the Turks while
cut>lass-ing the Russians, display signs OF haIi
the animosity which these civic funclionaries
fire uently exhibi, towards each other. Among
the former, indeed, the Turks and MuscoHlies)
the whole thing is a mailer Of business, and is
accordingly done with delightful GOODNESS and
eomposure; among the latter, {the cditors) it
spiced by individual sensibiity, and is there
fore more lively in its demons,r atoms.
lie, US look a, this contrast with little Mi
nu,eness. Gar Nicholas, by way Of sharp
ner before breakfast, exc!aims: ego shave me
the boards Of some fifteen or twenty thousand
Moslems, and then take me the city OF Con-
s,antnople; which finished, transport Mahmond
to ST. Petersburg by the next Pioneer line, safe
ly done up in an iron cage" To bear, is 20 o.
bey. The neglect Of such behests is as peril
Gus 10 ones throttle at the Kremlin as at the
Seven Towers; although the reader is aware
that the one gives lodgmen; 10 Christian
monarch, who snuffs rappee and is full OF grace,
and thar the other is ,enantsd by barbarous
Gilman, who smokes q TWO foot pipe and has
no grace at all. We say, the above work is no
sooner directed than perfQQrmfsdb; eaaaiIty shav>
temp,seda SR11afFg restless under the ope-
ration, they rise upon their feet, curry the
heads of their new BARRIERS, slice them from
their psdes,als to boot, and finally bag hem up
for the adornment Of the Srraglio baltlemerts.
But we repeat, that This is mere business
transaclon--the same as the doing Of Lnbank-
able paper, at 20 per cent by broker in Wall
street: and that il is conducted, from Begin
ming 10 end, without ally specific hostility
There is not fraction Of wha! Blackstone calls
"malice prrpense" mixed with il, and, as a ne
cessary result, the most approved casuistry as.
sures the pariy's conscience OF clear absUlu>
ton from tue SIM The editors, en- the contra
ry, act in an original, not representative ca
pacity. They are their own men AT arms.
they declare war on private account, and are
personally interested in the isste Of the strife.
OF course, their thrusts are givtn with added
energy as well as quicker SUCCESSION; and we
venture to affirm that Guy of Warwick and old
Amaraut never bat;lea more strenuously, than
some Of these worthless are in the daily prac.
,ice of doing. Witness the cavalier Of the A.
merican with crushing mace, AID the veteran
Of the Post with pointed lance; witness the Adj
vocate with his Andrew Fcrrah, and the En-. |
quirer with his dex,rous small sword; witness |
the mining Argus, and the coyhter-mning In,
telligenccr. To observe theirhghts, one would |
think that "the perdiiion Of souls" was Ger.
tainly involved. He would conjecture that
such heated gladiators were by nature stuffed
with eHvy, anger and all uacIaritableness that
gall predominated in their mpral constitutions;
and that they never relaxed tom the comforta-
BILE task OF gnashing ,heif teeth. Nay, he
might suppose that il he could squinr through
their vizors, they would be fond company of
lean specires, eaten to the bone by spleen.
trenehed with the lines of Z, NOR seles psssion.
and presenting the CHASTITY sanblances Of Death
on the Pale Horse.
But these notions are TAR 1ide Of the mark.