Literary cadet and Rhode-Island statesman. [volume] (Providence, R.I.) 1827-1829, 1828-11-22
HROVIDETJCT.
From the Token for 1921
RETROSPECTIONS.

IN giving you an account OF circumstances
that have filled my ca'ly life with painful inci-
dents, | awaken emotions anew which IT has
been my effort to forget. 1t shall, however,
be done, aud can only beg of you to mako
those allowances for me, that education, cha
racter and situation may reasonably demand.
My mother was early left a widow. She
had two sons the eldest vas intended Tor
College, the youngest discovered an enierprlz-
ing, active, disposition, and declared his predi-
lection for the sea. The profession OF n SAIL
or my mother considered fraught with danger,
aud II was long before she would consepe to
his pursuing THIS mode of life. She had watch
ed over HIM in health, and nursed him in sick
ness, with that anxious soIicitude that results
as much from org anization Of nerves, as moral
sensibility. l was the only daughter, and
born seven years after my youngest brother.
! well remember the conflict my mother en-
dured. when William discovered, as he fire.
q%uently did, his irresistible propensity for a
nautical life. and boastingly related TO her tho
feats he had performed ; how he had hung
suspended from the tallest masts, and with
what delight he had gazed from their dizzy
heights. l was the constant witness OF these
conversations. and my mind was equally divd-
ed between the views of the parties. My
brother taught me 10 admire his miniature
ships, aSd my enjoyment was equal to his.
when l saw them ride upon the undulating
stream, their pigmy sails filed with the morn.
ing breeze, and the sun shining bright upon
the water which refle cted the clear blue Of the
heavens Ii is no wonder, thought |, that
William wishes to 90 to sea. 1t was TO my i'm
agInaiion just such a scene of Tranquil beauty.
BIT @hen my mother described the ioaming
ocean, the gathering tempest, the long night
watch, | felt with her that he must not Co.
But it was not merely the peril OF life tor
which she tremblcd it was that OF. innocence
and virtue. To have him who had been nur-
tured by her prayers, who had been guarded
by her purity, thrown among a class Of men
That are often ignorant and profane lit was
death Ia her peace.
1t was at length, however, determined, that
if William was not permitted 10 follow the
bent of his inclination, he would be ruined
His studies were neglected, and he was seen
saunteying on the w%harves, and sometimes
walking with companions whose outward de-
pertinent was low and vulgar. My mothers
good sense decided that he should go. l was
only ten years of age, but the feelings Of a
child are operated upon by external cIrcu,n-
stances. Witnessed the solemn blessing aud
the agonized tears of my mother, and | wept
aloud. My brother strove to comfort me, and
| was at length successful. The recollection Of
this parting Is yet fresh in my memory-Wil-
ham, in his sailor dress, standing OIL the wharf,
and Jumping into the boat that vas to convey
him TO the vessel which lay in the stream.
George, my eldest brother, was soon sent to
College, and I became my mothers constant
and only companion. Tnrough many a tenn
pestuous night l have laid awake by her side,
listening TO her half smothered signs and gloo-
my forebodlngs, when every fresh gust of
wind seemed to bring her melancholy lidings Of
Illiam. 1t was then that ! would throw my
arms around her, and, with the saDguine lem
permanent of childhood, tell her 1 knec he
would return safe. My aiec,ionate attempts
often soo,hed and beguiled her anyieties, and
if they failed in giving bright anticipations
and convictions to her mind, they at least pro-
diced them in my own. | felt the fullest as
surance that this dear brother would return
safe, and cone laden with all the Indian trea-
surcs he had promised to bring me.
There was much to cheer my mother after
Williams departure. The vessel was contin-
uaiiy spoken with, and all was propitious.-
George was distinguished in his studies, and
received the first honors Of his class.
At length we heard Of Williams arrival at
Calcutta ; but with it the appalling inreIli-
gence that the vessel would remain IN the In
dian Ocean at least six months. My brother
wrole in fine spirits, and seemed perfectly sat-
islied with his new mode Of life.
The six months at length expired, and my
mother began TO count The months he must
be upon tho water till he could arrive. Six
more passed away, and then she counted by
! weeks, and finally by days but he came not.
At last a vessel arrived tlat had left Calcutta
after the Rising sun, the name Of the ship in
which my brother had sailed. This struck
dismay into my mothers heart but every
body encouraged her, and she fingered On, al
ternateIy hoping and dcsPairing.
1t is difficult 10 determine whether the cause
of disease exists in the mind or body, where
they are mutually -disordcred. II soon be-
came evident, however, that, with my mother,
one was undermining the other. Her nights
were s~lceplcss, and, in short. (for why should
I prulong these dreadful iccollcctions y sixteen
months aitor my brothers departure. l follow
cd her 10 the grave.
George had now completed his collegiate
career, and returned home 10 reside with mo.
Our manner Of living was at first tho same as
during my mothers life, but our means were
ample, | was ambitious, and fond Of what the
world calls style we increased our cxpences,
and our house was the resort Of the idle. |
was constantly surrounded by fatterers, and
became oyerboaring and impatient under con-
tradiction. George was the gentlest and kind
est Of human beings. He sometimes remon-
stratcd, bui never reproached.
IL was evident TO me that he bad long relin-
pushed the idea Of Williams return, but ]
still clung TO il with as much tenacity MS dur
ing my mothers .fc. In all my arrangements
what | considered would be his convenience
was consulted ! remembered his early taste
for sea-views, and ! spared no expense TO
adorn his room with the works of masters.
My brother often looked at me with q sor-
rowful expression as nc saw these preparations.
".My dear Charlotte" he would say, g is II
not better to be resigned 10 an inevitable evil
than thus struggle to deceive yourself! Three
years have passed, and not a human being, ex'
cept you, enteriains a hope. Parents have
given up their children, wives their husbands