Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1827-06-12
,raF CONFESSION OF A SHORT GEN
- EMAN.

Al.
'nr "" "a 49,, through life, and these have been
S.ss, ON nv no crime or folly OF my own, but
-. nv o,e fihe freaks OF that unaccoun'a-
,,s ,wvsvward old lady, Dame Nature, who, when
~. determined that the world should be blessed
-. INV nresence, sent me into this brooding.
ras,ian metropolis, carlailed OF above a 1901 q
,'S fair n, opcr,ions IN short, sir, Tor Is my
nature 10 be 6nef) to tell you, IN a rev "orus,
INV history, as to person and condluon, yoe mus
Lnow thai am short of stature; short oil 'nlry'
and very short OF money or
WAS born on the shortest day OF the year o.
o.r ord ~. and soweakly and rickety din
anpear a, my nativity, ,hatths nurse prophee,eu
r., I would not he long in The word-apredlc-
,;on which has been literally fulfilled, although
-, ax.c,,v in the sense in which il was spoken.
Ar. the earliest period 10 which my mcinory
will carry me, / recollect that the eplthe' ta'fe
,yss always applied TO me, but then II was ire
ouen,Iv m conjunction with other adlecuves'
which went great way TO soften down the isnoz
miny of the appellation. Az first was ea''eu .
sweet little fellow, and then as grew oidef, a"u
became accomplished in all the arch uicRS a"a
wild homors Of childhood. was clever ii'''e
fellow; but month rolled on alter mon'n, anu
wear after year without adding ma.er'a,y W
nv stature, and then the best orea Sls s
would stare at me with an expressio', " s.i
prise, and sometimes heard, IN audio,e wn's-
prrs from one TO another, the words, wha' a
5evilisb little feIlow!" was condemned to list
en- 10 the mor.ifying and often rcapeaseu r.
mark aNaster Augustus does not grow very
fas," which was as often met by the reply which
INV forehoding hear, told me vas false, that
"his growing DAYS were not yet over. and that
he would no doubt sprout up suddenly Years
continued to roll on, and was still alittlefe lei.
low: bu, the hopes Of my family remained SAN
fSsF wd1fd snmfr afssset hsti
done growing. Tn the mean time IL may be
said. ,ha, suffered uuremittipg misery; for the
life of short gentleman in this world is con-
,inued martyrdom. Al one time was smitten
with the four-in-hand mania, but was cured
of il by the remark Of malicious friend, that
had better give it up, for could never be long
coachman. If proposed party 10 the play,
/ was asked if | meant the little theatre in the
Haymarket. S.
was once INTRODUCED to an eminent counsel
lor and orator, whom had long wished TO
know, but my introducer told Mr. Gabble that
he had brought him a brief; and afterwards
found that gentleman's name and fee OF hve
guineas endorsed in chalk upon my coat
If ordered great coat, the very tailor who
was 10 receive my money for it, could not re-.
fran from laughing in my face.
In addition to all this, l had heart deeply
susceptible TO the charms Of the fair sex; and
by that faulty which is said 10 alta h Itself TO
persons in my siiuation,I was particularly smit-
ten with tall women. Ircmember, at an even.
ing party, saying thousand Zine things to a
very pretty and very ,all, but a, the same time
very stout young woman, who guessed, las the
yankees say was no match fo- me IN wit; after
4 r. l. Az
more than Eyes" or "no" in answer begged
permission to adjust stray ringierwhich was
falling from her forehead, when TO my indis-
cribable horror, she replied, that 81 was per-
fectly at liberty to do soft Ieould rsaeh it.''
All home and abroad, at ailiinles and places,
the same mishaps attend me. III go to church,
the lesson appointed for the mornings service
is sure to be the story of Zaccheus, the little
man who was Obliged 10 get up into Tree to
see that which every body else could see very
easily down below; and can scarcely persuade,
myself that the curate does not wink malicious
" al me as ne reads, and that the clerk does not
nut his tongue into his left cheek in token of
derision. II goto the theatre, woman in an
enormous hat and feathers. whose nose is as
nearly as possible al an equal distance between
the sole Of her shoe and the top of her head
gear, sits before me, so that cannot get SIM
Ole glimpse Of The performances. If l visit any
Of the courts Of law am BOT there two mi
nutss before 4 tall attorney plants himself by
my side, and I can see that even the judges
themselves are Immediately in an agony Of
laughter at the ridiculous comparison. Nay,
sir, even il attempt an Office al humanity, I
am rewarded with derision, instead OF gratitude;
for il is not many, days since picked up a
drunken man out Of gutter, and I had no soop.1