The Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1822-1829, 1826-08-07

Hi'dd noat nA iiHDHiSc, 50 " never
yielded any alta sensible distance.
But mile and half was ton far t.
travel for dinner. was therefore
kindly permitted 10 dine at Mrs.
Dnnnings. in the vicinity Of the
school house. The first iOrcnnon
was spent in an idle attempt to learn
f'rty-iiVe chriStian.l wonld say. bar
harous names.compared with which.
the names OF Oliver CromWell's it,
ry dwindle into absolute propriety
At twelve O'Clock rctrcatcd To
Mrs. Dmning's, where Il hearty
welcome awaited me. Dinner short
v appeared but rs this is the meal.
that IN a weeks inc had well nigl,
sunk me to;the grave, il merits par
ticniar description. Ii will be sulii-
Gent To enumerate the articles
spread before me on the first occa-
sion, lQr | can say to the reader,
sex uno disco omncs'-which is, be-
ing interpreted, there was no varia-
ton during twenty eightd days. First,
came on an unknown quantity of tea.
contained in coffee pot that might
have served for "A moderate sized
lighthouse. Secondly, plato of
what Mrs. Dunning, with apparent
sincerity, called sliced pork, bnt
what | suspected from its color and
tenaelty to be gum elastic. This was
followed by quart bowl ofreaI pork
IN a state Of fusion. Some Que had
previously told me, by way of en-
enlargement. that all schooImasters
lived on the fat of the land. Alas I,
the ambiguity oflanguagc-tiil now
l had never understood the expires
sion. On one corner of the table
stood an article that would have
staggered Heliogabalus namely, a
conlcal tnrret OF dough nuts. This
detestlble escnlent. the pride of our
country danes. sometimes resembles
one OF your iniiexlblo little soup
dampllngs , at others, it appears to
be kind OF mongrei pancake. The
opposite corner was defended by a
tarret OF similar shape, and nearly as
formidable, consisting ofminccd dun
fish. A plate Of brown bread, an
irregular mass of junk beef. an ap-
pie pie resembling the top of an o.
vergrown toad stool, bowl Of cor
pulent potatoes in violent perspirati-
ON, aud a batter pudding Of cylindri-
cal shape, llrid complexion, and tho
! most appalling specific gravity com
pleled the dinner. It's difficult to
find IA simile for this pudding-the
reader may obtain Il faint idea of it's
appearance and constitution, by in
speeding leadcn clock weight
| sat down with the stubborn rcsulu-
ton Of eating till the family were
satisfied; sure, but terrible path
to popularity. Come, MASTER
said Mrs. Dunning, reach to aud
help yourself; when you are a
mongst poor folks, you must Pat up
with poor folks fare stroyc to
alleviate the good woman's anxiety
by word and deed. seized pota-
Toe, squashcd it on my plate, and
gaZed IN silent agony on the four
spoonstuI Of liquid pork generously
poured upon 1t under the name Of
gravy. \ reputation and twenty
eight dollars being at stake, it would
have been rashness in me to refuse
the half pound Of minced fish, four
cups Of tea, ninety degrees Of apple
pie. and eleven dough nuts, which
were thrust upon me with the most
distressing Kindness. 1t is said that
the North Carolina militia, when
commanded TO fire. smut their eyes,
Danish thought, aud pull trigger. A
feeling somewhat similar, prompted
me to close mine as each m0uthiul
was conveyed TO its prcdcstincd
place, and my jaws labored mechan-
lcally, like amy other grist-mll.
BY dint Of these conclusive Efforts
all the articles Just mentioned were
soon made to disappear and NOW,
tho't l, | have made deep impression
III my favor. Decisive idea as e.
Yanesccnt as the provcnder that va
nishcs before the knife and fork OF
MIS-. Danning's son, a promising
young Vulcan, whose operations
was watching with ajoyous eve
aud my heart sank within me at the
comparative lnsiGniticancc of my
own exploits. The dependence Gre
ated by this scene was heightened
by an exclamation from Mrs. Dun
nins, 'Ah Master. you won't make
out a dinner. | am alcar'd ynn don't
like our faro.' At that instant