Literary cadet, and Saturday evening bulletin. [volume] (Providence, R.I.) 1826-1827, 1826-06-10

Lndl llPf lt1u 10 duSutu lUt blll VI lHt pny siNioh
says that which is not consistent with the fact. We
are not ph ysicians, but ii we are allowed to express
our opinion on the subject, we shall say that we
believe the valetudnarian will even find essen
tial benefit, at this season Of intense heat, in ma
king excursions TO the ocean and inhaling and
quafins the pure atmosphere it distils.
FOR THE LITERARY CADET.
Mr.. EDITOR: S~IR-Among the various news
paper communications of the day, we have observed
some respecting diseases, and their causes, which in
our humble opinion, very much initiate against the
medical profession of this town: because they tend
to make the people their own physicians, and there
by take the bread from the mouths Of those who
alone ought to have The right Of prescribing for,
and ofcuring diseases; and being rather more friend
ly to physicians than otherwise, | have thought
proper, through the medium of your paper to in
struct the good people of this town and vicinity in
the most fashionable manner of losing their
health, insomuch that from the giant to the dwarf,
the whole corps de saneque will be first in requisi-
tion.
This you know will be n praise. worthy object; tor
all hands will be employed; and not a medical drone
suffered to anguish in his profession throughout this
houri.hing town of Providence; though in number
they should anticipate the growth of the town for
halfa century. Besides. we hope to incur n favor
| with physic aus, into whose hands fate may one d "
or other place us, affected as we may be with som
of the diseases, "wtich flesh is heir to- and thea
sir, Il physician, with his sweet obliyious antidote,"
will be no contemplate companion.
It is for the interest Of every town that each in
diyidnal inhabitant should flourish in business.
Il is for the interest of the inhabitants when
SICK to employ Observation-Disclosures, it is for
the general good, that people should be sick, or else
physicians could not flourish.
This is reasoning most logically; and by this
time the reader will think, that in the very nature
of things, it is necessary that he should be some
times sick.
And now it remains for II, to point out some of
the best methods Of making ourselves sick.
One of the best means on a great scale, is TO GET
up a steamboat party of from two, TO five hundred
persons; and rowed piping hot down the beautiful
Narragansett Bay to the open ocean off Newport;
and during this delightful excursion dancing must
he unremittingly followed, 50 as TO keep up a
high steam pressure, whilst ice cream and punch
are literally distributed to the passengers--together
with raisins, and other sweet meats, and what is Of
ten essential, now and then a whole lemon peel
must be swallowed, after which a hearty dinner of
chouler, and then, if these articles do not produce
sickness, it i, probable that the tossings ofthe boat,
in a rough sea will, when it will be proper imme-
diately to return home, and apply for medical as
sistance.
Should the above method fail to produce sickness,
resource may be had to the bowling alley, with
these precautions: that you labor hard and drink
freely Of ice punch, until the desired effect is pro-
duced, or until you become so irascible that YOU
sports end il blows, which often answers the same
valuable purpose for the benefit of physicians.
But should you be disappointed in your objects
at this place ofresort; you can got the confection-
airy shop, where, in addition to choice spirits, you
will find, sweet meats, and all kinds of games to
divert you for the most part Of the night. Be sure
to take the parting cup and so home to your bed,
just before the day begins to dawn. In pursuing
this course you may be sure Of sickness, and OF
having an enviable opportunity of testing the skill
of the doctor; and Of showing your liberality to
some OF the profession whom you have long been
anxious to serve.
The gambling table might be highly recon-
mended, were it not that you would lose too much
Of your money as we'll as your health, and there
fore, however short the sickness might be, you
would not have it in your power to the
physicians; and a, we are writing for the benefit OF
physicians only, you will be so good az to
take notice that all places Of public resort where
there is the least danger Of losing all of the ready
rhino, as well as health, or life suddenly, a.e inter-
dictcd.
Then. though you have the example ola RAN
DoLPH, you are seriously advised on no account to,
have recourse to fire arms, to end your disputes,
+ many troubles will environ,
The men who NEEDLE with cold iron."
To mention all Of the places where health may
be los, by dissipation would not only wear out my
own, but the readers patience, l therefore adj
wise all persons to seek it in the haunts which are
most congenial TO their own feelings, always bear
ing in mind to sacrifice often and literally 10 Bac-
chus; for whatever assistance other auxiliaries may
afford, intemperance is the prime minister in the
Court Of diseases; and if you enlist under his ban
ner. the loss Of health will be sure to follow, and
then what a glorious feast for the disciples Of