Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1826-12-19
From HE London Literary Gazette.
THE RED-NOSED LIEUTENANT.

Me Not" called the Red Nosed Lieutenant, OF
the Campaign, we make the following extract
"Five and twenty years ago was just hye &
twenty years ofage; was thus neither young
nor old: in addition, | was neither handsome
orugly, neither rich nor poor, neither active
nor indolent, neither Socrates nor simple
ton. More ordinary men than had been mar
ried for love, poorer men had got credit and
rolled on their carriage wheels till is was out,
and greater fools had been cabinet consuellors.
Yet all this did not satisfy ne. Years had
swept along, and l was exactly the same In
poin; of publicity at FIVE and twenty that had
been al fifteen. Let no man say that the pas
sion for being something brother in the world
eye is an improbable thing. Shew me that
man, and will shew him my Lord A. driving
mail coach, the Earl Of B. betting at boxing
match, the Marquis of e the rival Of his own
grooms, and the Duke Of d. a director of the
opera. My antagonist has only to look and be
convinced for what could throw those patri-
clans into the very jaws of public jest, but the
passion for publicity? l pondered long upon
this, and my resolution to do something was at
length fixed. But the grand difficulty remain
ed--what was the thing to be done? what was
the grand chemin d'honneur, the longest stride to
the temple of fame, the royal road to making a
figure in ones generation? The step was too
momentous to be rashly taken, and, / took time
enough, for / took year. On my six and TWEEN
tieth birthday discovered that | was as wise
and as public as on my birthday before, and a
year older besides! While was in this state
Of fluctuaton, my honoured uncle arrived in
town, and called upon me. Let me introduce
this most excellent and most mutilated man,
He had commenced MS career in the Amer
lean war; bold, brave, blooming ensign;
what he was now / shall not describe
But he had taken the earliest opportunity
Of glory, and at Bunker's Hill had lost
an eye. He was nothing The worse as mark
for an American rife; and a, Brandywlne he
had the honour of seeing Lafayette run a
way before him, and paid only right leg as
his tribute to the victory. My uncle followed on
the road to glory, gaining a new leaf of laurel
and losing All additional fragment of himself in
every new battle, Till with Burgoyne he lett his
nose in the swamps Of Saratoga; whence having
had the good fortune to make his escape, he
distinguished himself at the siege OF York
Town, under CORVALLIS, and left only an arm
in the ditch Of The rampant. He had returned
a major, and after lying on his back Tor two
wears in the military hospital, was set al liberty
to,walk the world on pair oil crutches and be
called colonel. Iexplained my difficulty to this
venerable remnant of soldiership. Difficulty
cried he, starting up on his resduary leg, Il see
none whatever You are young, healthy, and
have the use OF all your limbs-rhe very thing
for the arn,y1 glanced involuntarily at his
own contributions TO the field. He perceived
il. and retor,ed: Sir, know the difference be-
tween US, as well as if l were the field surgeon.
should never have advised you 10 march if
you had not limbs enough Cor the purpose; but
you have your complement sAnd therefore
can afford to lose them, my good uncle,' said
/. Nephew, was the reply, 'sneering is no ar
gument, except among civilians But it a man
wants to climb al once 10 name, let him Try
the army. Have you no estate? why, the regi
ment is your freehod:-have you TO education?
why, the color OF your coat will stand you In
place OF it with three ourths Of the men and all
the nomenclature you no brains? why, their
absence vii! never be missed at the mess; and
as for the field, not half dozen in an army ever
exhibit any pretensions of the kind This was
TOO fattering prospect to be overlooked. took
the advice; in week was gazetted into march
ing regiment, and in another week was on board
his majesty's transport, No. 10, with wing of
the gallant thirty regiment, lacking out
OF Portsmouth, on our way TO Gibraltar. Mill
tary men have II, that there are three bad pas
sages-the slow, the quick, and the neither
quick nor slow, pronouncing the two former
a man sick Of the sea, the calm making him
sick Of himself, a much worse thing: and the
alienation of calm and storm bringing both
sicknesses into. one. My first passage dis
tinguished by being of the third order. found
my fellow su5alterns knot of good-humoured
beings, the boys with the habits Of men, The
men with the tricks of boys, all fully impressed
with the honor Of the epaulette, and thinking
the man who wore TWO instead of one the most
favored of all things under the sun We at
length came in sight of the famous Rock. II
doomed magni6cently from the sea; and every
glass was to the eye as The lines and batteries,
that looked like teeth in its old white head, rose
grimly out of the waters. The veterans of the
corps were in high delight, and enumerated
with the vigor of observation-disclosures the cheap
ness of the wines, the snugress of the quarters,
and the general laudable and illasdable plea
santries ofthe place The younger listened with
the respect due to experience, and, for that eve