Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1826-11-24

| the other with contemptuous sheer. "And
who may he be-"
| "IIe is the Provost of the University, and
| Professor of Moral Philosophy ,hereunto, ans
wered the Barber; not little scandallzed az
hearing that learned man spoken OF N sucn
terms.
"Ay--and a pretty dunderheaded fellow ne
must be to give any such orders. however,
am not going 10 waste my time mere AL nasnt.
All that have gotto tell you is TINS, thatii you
won't,shape me shall shave you. ana, SUIT
ing the action to the word, ne reached up MS
hand, got hold of the Barber by the nose, and
placed him, by sheer force' upon tue Gnair
which he himself had Just left The sudden
ness Of the action deprived the other for mo-
ment Of his senses. He sat gazing, with mix
ture Of rage and amazemen., at the author of
the audacious deed; nor was il till he felt the
brush, loaded with cold soap suds, humping
upon his cheeks, and heard the stranger laugh
ing aloud, that he reflected upon his situation.
His first impulse was to start up, but he was In.
stantly pushed down by the brawny arm Of the
lille man. He then turned his head from side
10 side TO avoid the assaults, but this did not
mend the matter; his face was reached by the
brush, and brow, nose, cheeks, and ears bespat.
tered with saponaceous efusion. Nor when he
attempted TO bawl out, were his efforts more
successful: the interchangeable operator filled his
mouth with lalher, and laid on with greater en-
ergy than ever With one hand grasping him
by the throat, and the other armed with the
shaving brush, the fat man continued at his oc-
cupation, laughing heartily, and enjoying, with
the most turbulent mirth, the scene before him.
At last the barber managed, with great difficult
ty, to get out some words, and cried strenuously
for mercy, promising, by heaven and earth, to
shave his oppressor when and where he thought
proper, whatever Doctor Dedimus Dunderhead
and the Senatus Academicus might say TO the
contrary.
This declaration procured him release. He
rose up trembling from the grasp OF the stran-
ger, and having his face more thoroughly bedi-
zened with his own peculiar liquid, than any
face, handsome or ugly, which ever came under
his hands. His first care was to free it OF those
ignominous marks OF good by means OF
towel while the author Of this outrage threw
himself upon the chair, almost conyulsed with
laughter.
As the astonished shaver prepared his uten-
sils for the operation about TO be performed,
though in different manner, upon his oppo-
nent, he had some leisure to recover from the
shock into which he was thrown. Indignation
was still prominent feeling in his mind; but
dread Of his sufferings being repeated, together
with the appearance Of the stranger, who had
now resumed his seat and was whistling impa-
tiently, made him hasten his preparations with
unusual speed. Having arranged every thing,
that is to say, having prepared razor, mixed
up quantity Of foaming lather, and stuck a
towel under the chin Of his customer, he was
about TO commence, when the latter Numbered
out, "auaunt," The barber gave way like scar
ed poacher, retreated some steps, and gazed at
the other with Unsurpassed alarm.
"Perhaps you mean to cut my throat" said
the stranger, in loud voice.
"My business is to shave boards, and not 10
cut throats," rejoined the affrighted shaver,
with all humility,
every like--very like; but don't choose to
take you at your word: SO have care. you
cut my throat, will blow your brains out, that's
all" And placing his hand in one of the large
pockets Of his frock-coau, he brought out a
horseman's pistol, cooked il deliberately, and
placed il on a chair which stood beside him
"Now proceed" continued he, "and remember,
| if you so much as scratch pimple on my
chin, or leave single hair unshorn, shall send
a bullet through your numskull.
The appearance of this terrible weapon aug
mented, as may well be supposed, the Barbers
alarm His hand shook like an aspin-leaf, and
he kept laying on the suds ten times longer
than he ever did on any former occasion. He
was terrified to lay his razor on the chin OF Sc
dangerous subject, and resolved to keep
brushing to the very last moment, rather than
run the risk Of having pistol discharged at his
head. The delay, indeed, was useful 10 him,
as it gave his hand time 10 recover its wonled
steadness Nor did the stranger take 1t i'll; or
the contrary, his good humor appeared to re-
turn with the agreeable Utilization of the shaw
ing brush: and he whistled aloud, thereby blow
ing the soap from his lips upon the Barber's
face. with look of apparent satisfaction
Half an hour had now passed away since the
latter commenced laying on the soap, and he
was still employed at this preliminary operation
The fat man relished i, nightly; and, far from
complaining of its tediousness, kept whistling
away, and humming snatches of old songs, to
the no small annoyance of The operator, who
found tbs utmost difficulty in making the brush
move smoothly over features so diversified in
motion and expression. Notwithstanding all
this gaiety, however, the shaver did not like his
new acquaintance There was something odd
about him; and, even though there had been
nothing remarkable, he could not, at once for
get the egregious insult offered to his own per.
4 -, kaf,, RI