Edwardsville spectator. [volume] (Edwardsville, Ill.) 1819-1826, 1826-05-20
Gait. 7aunder5sh.--Give us, MFR.

rend the earth and heavens None Of
your miscellany and missionary stuff, III
only for children end old women.
Mr.. Thoughgui.-S,op, neighbour
addressing the gentleman who preceded
him instead OF the chair,-I take no de-
light in those noisy things. do moi
wish heaven and earth rent in twain, bat
ties Tough, and murders committed
merely for my amusement Give US,
Mr.. Chairman, more OF the plain, IN
vanished tales Of times gone by-more
news of peaceable and pleasant nature
from the islands OF the sea, visited by
the heralds Of the gospel, and messen-
gers of peace-more intelligence OF the
progress OF truth; the suppression Of
slavery; civilization Of the Indians and
the conversion of the heather.
Miss Fiufter6udget,--O fie on such
stuff, Mr.. Chairman am prodigiously
fond OF copundrums, acrosllcs, anec-
dotes, cpigrams, poetry, light miscella-
ny, love-adventures, marriages, &c. and
the more re-6usses the better.
Mr.. Political Plain Iruth.-A fg
for your poetry and marriages, Mr.. char
man.-Give us solid columns oil Presl-
dental messages, congressional debates,
public documents and governors speech
es, as long winded as county court law.
yer, and minute and particular as bill oil
exceptions.
Doct. Pehter Pof.-I'm out OF all
patience, Mr.. Chairman, with the tire
some length OF these public concerns
They are as troublesome as the items OF
an old fashioned physicians bill. Give
US more of the real essence, the genuine
Cayenne pepper OF political sharp-shoot-
inp-with now and then an etnetlc oil the
real lobeIia OF electioneering, tina, Will
set the whole body polite to vomiting,
and raise the political eam-engine TO
such a pressure, as will throw the camp
OF the enemy into utter confusion, out OF
mere terror at letting off the steam
Mr.. Nezvsmonger.-Well, Mr.. Chair
man, as tor these things of pith and mo-
ment-this election slang-l'm absolute
ly tired of it. I've been a constant read.
er and firm SUPPORTER Of your paper these
fourteen years-to be sure ! hsv'n't paid
you-but If you don't give US more news
in favor Of the Greeks and South Anne
rican Patriots, I'll positively stop my pa
per, and withdraw my haronage.-O
dear exclaimed
Mrs. Ellen Etymology.-What in the
name OF literature, do you mean Mr..
Chairman,by devoting column of "He-
aldry TO news and all nations, lumb'ring
at my back !"-I want more lectures
pom physiognomy-hornitholgy .had.u-
cation-and more lranslations OF Ho-
races Odes, or some other feet Of anti
guilty. My boys, like Boston folks, have
a notion to larnen, and want you to help
me run'em through college, and have
'em come out bright as pewter spoon.
Lady Etymoloey had hardly finished
her eloquent appeal, when
Mr.. Yorrick Yardstiek broke out in
tone OF fearful disquietude, and upbraid-
ed the chair sharply for devoting so
much space to the arts and sciences, lite
nature and religion. None Of your belle
letters from South America-give US
the real Cogniac Of commercial intelli-
gence-the high price her yard Of i'm
ported goods, such as tea, coffee, rum and
molesses-narrative Of wonderful perils
at sea--loss of whole cargoes OF calico,
and the destruction Of life and property,
which men Of merchandise are heirs to.
Mr.. Moses Mechanic, in as great fer
men,a,ion as barrel OF new cider, held
his breath and his peace, for moment,
blu, soon gave venf TO his feelings. Mr..
Printer, Forgetting the chair, } send US no
more of your papers with box OF tea,
barrel of rum, and long catalogue Of
ditfos and ct ceteras, pictured ou' like
beer and giugerbrea d upon turnpike
gate.-'Tis all fustian Give us les
son upon the mechanic arts--more no.
tees OF new inventions, and now and then
a dissertation upon the utility of patent
pumps, pea-straw hats, anc wooden nut
megs, or some other labor-saving ma
chine. The men of tape and buckram
are measuring off our estates by The yard,
and running away with the mechanics
and the country.
Mr.. Oliver Or Boqv, the farmer, who
sa, quietly listening to the arguments
and complaints Of the family Of Grum-
bletonians, at length gravely rose from
his seat, deliberately stacked his goad-
stick, dotted his round top, and said, Mr..
Editor, ! perceive you are placed in
somewhat Of a difficult spot. Turn
which way you will, haw or sc, your We
hicle of intelligence will not 60 to suit