The Massachusetts spy, and Worcester County advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1825-1831, 1826-07-26


olgn sunk me the grave, it merits
particular description. II will be stuff
cient to ennmerate the articles sprea
before me on the first occasion. for
: can say to the reader. "ex uno disc
omnes"--which is, being interpreted
mere was no variation during twenty
: eight days. First, came on an unknow,
quantity OF lea, contained in coffee-po
mat might have served for moderat,
: sized lighthouse. Secondly, plate o
, what airs: Dunniug, with apparent sin.
cerlsy, called sliced pork; but what
suspected, from its colour and tenacitv
to be gum elastic. This was folIoweJ
Oy quart bowl of real P2Sst j III state
told me, BY way Of encouragement, tina,
all school-masters lived upon the fat Of
the land. Alas the ambiguity of Ian
guage-till nov have never under
stood this expression. On one corner
OF the table stood an article that would
have staggered Heliogabulus, namely :
a comical turret of dough -emphat-
ical!y dough-nuts. This detestable escu-
lent, the pride of our country danes,
sometimes resembles one of your infiex-
IDLE little soup dumplins; at others. it
appears TO be kind of moDgreI pam
cake. The opposite corner was de-
Tended by turret of similar shape, and
nearly as formidable, consisting of
minced dun fish. plate of brown
bread, an irregular mass of junk beef,
an apple-pie resembling the top of an
overgrown toad-stool, bowl of corpu-
lent potatoes in violent perspiration,
and batter-pudding of cylindrical
shape, livid complexion, and the most
appalling scientific gravity, completed
the dinner. II is difficult to find SINH
lie for this Pudding-the reader may OBJ
tain faint idea Of IFS appearance and
constitution. by inspecting a leaden
clock weight. lsat with stubborn reso-
luiions of eating till the family were sat
tlsted--a sure, but a terrible path TO
popularity. "Come Master" SAID Mrs.
Dunning, ''reach TO aud help yourself.
when you are amongst poor folks."-
strove to alleviate the good woman's
nuAtSty " "otu anu uceu' eStZeu
a potatoe, squashed i! upon my plate,
and gazed in silent agony on the four
! sPooniuls OF liquid pork generously
poured upon il under the name of gra-
| Wy. A reputation and twenty-eight dol
lars being at stake, it would have been
rashness in me TO refuse the half pound
of minced fish, four cups of tea, ninety
degrees of apple-pie, and eleven dough-
nuts, which were thrust upon me with
distressing kindness. 1t is said that the
North carolina militia, when command
ed to fire, shut their eyes, Danish thought
and pull trigger. A feeling somewhat
similar prompted me TO close mine as
each mouihful was conveyed to its
predestined place, and my jaws la
bored mechanically like any other grst-
mill,
By dint of these conclusive efforts, all
the articles just mentioned, were soon
made TO disappear; and now, thought /,
have made deep impression in my
favor. Delusive idea!-as evauescent
as the provender that vanished before
the knife and FORK of Mrs Dunning's
son, a promising young Vulcan, whose
operations was watching with a jeaI-
Gus eye-and my heart sank within me
a, the comparative insignifcance of my
own exploits. The dependence Great
4 ed by this scene was heightened by an
exclamation from Mrs. Dunning: Z" All
Master, you WON'T make out dinner
am afeard you don't like our fare. -
AT that instant wished myself an es
quimaux or an ostrich. As it was,
made one more effort and devoured two
more dough-nuts but here a symptom
of strangllng rendered me stiH-necKe'
against all further solicitations. hat
/, realized and could demonstrate an alb
solute plenum. pass over the Difficult
. ty of walking two rods to the school
: house, and merely remark that, had
one 10 the agents for dinner, my pu
: pills would gained half a holiday. LIE
: me stop moment to remind the reade
E that this narrative is. not written for ap
: plause-that sympathy is not expect
: ed--that smile would be an insult
@ for. TO me, it is a memeuio of any thin
n but the ludicrous. He may bear i
n mind, also, that have disclaimed ea
If aggeration, and protested to be the &C
h vocate of truth. These reflections wi
e. enable him 10 meet, without snee
sci the solemn assurance that, in six SUI
!. cessive days, |. devoured seventee
h meals of equal magnitude with the OF
in described. Nor can my sacrifices |
| fairly censured as extravagant for, Z
il though the demon of popularity may
" conciliated al dinner, yet his favor is e
a silly lost at supper OF breakfast: a
,lf yotaries must be consistent in their pi