Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1826-07-08

al once; because she knows (the jade!) what
you will like, though sbe never means to do it;
and, depend upon it, if you have only one inch
of pendant, and trust yourself to look at her
three times, you are tickled to certainty.
MAXIM ".
Marrying girls is nice matter always; Tor
they are as cautious as crows plundering a
corn field You may "stalk" for week, and
never get near them unperceived. You hear
the caterwauling, as you go up stairs, into the
drawing room louder than thunder; but it stops
las if by magic! the moment (marriageable)
man puts his ear to the key-hole. don't my
self, profess, upon principle, see any objection
to marrying a widow. If she upbraiGs you al
any time with the virtues of her former hus-
band you only reply-,hat you wish he had
her with him, with all your soul. If a woman
however, has had more than three husbands,
she poisons them; avoid her.
MAXIM
In widow-wiving, it may be question whe-
Their you should marry the widow OF an honest
man, or rascal. Agains, the danger, that the
last may have learned i'll tricks, they set the
advantage-she will be more sensible (frcm the
contrast) to the kindness Of gentleman and a
man of honor. think you should marry the
honest mans widow; because, with women, ha-
bit is always stronger than reason.
MAXIM VI.
But the greatest point, perhaps, to be aimed
al in marrying, is TO know, before marriage,
what i, is that you have 10 deal with. You are
quite sure to know this, fast enough afterwards.
BE sure, therefore, that YOU commence the ne
cessary perquisi,ions before you have made up
your mind, and not as people generally do,
AFTER. Remember there is no use in watching
woman that you LOVE; because she can't do
any fhing-do wha, she will--,hat will be disa-
greeahle 20 you. And still less, in examining a
woman that loves YOU; because, for the time,
she will be quite sure not to do any thing that
ought to be disagreeabIe TO you. have known
a hundred perfect tgresses playful as kittens.
quite more obliging than need be under such
circumstances. 1t is not bad way-mad or
widow-when you find yourself fancy woman,
to make her believe that you have an aversion
to her. If she has any concealed good quail
ties, they are pretty sure to come on: upon such
an occasion.
MAXIM WI.
In Judging where 10 look for wite-that
is, for the lady who is To ,orm "raw material
of one-very great caution i: necessary. And
you can't take any thing better with you, in
looking about as general principle, than that
good mothers commonly make toerabIy good
daughters Ofcourse, therefore, you won't go
Of consideration prepense, into any house where
parents are badly connected, or have been bad
ly conducted. Nor, upon any account at all, in
10 any house where YOU don't quite feel, that it
you dom, conduct yourself properly, YOU i'm
mediately be kicked out oft This assurance
may be troublesome while you are onlya visi-
tor; but, when you come to be one OF the fami-
", you'll find it mighty convenient. If you can
find any place where vice and folly have been
used to be called by their right names, stick to
thai by all means-there are seldom more than
two such in parish; and you see any COM
mon rascal let into house where you visit as
readily as yourself, so out oft Immediately.
MAXIM X.
If you marry an actress, don't let. her be a
tragedy one. Habits of ranting. and whisking
up and down with long train before row OF
"foot lamps" are apt to cast an undue ludi-
crousness (when transp lanted) over the serious
business Of life. Only imagine castigation
delivered TO the cook, in king Cambyses'
yein,' upon the event Of an underdone leg Of
mutton at dinner; or an incarnation of Helen
M'Gregor, ordering the cat to be thrown alive
into the cistern, ifa piece of mutton was ab-
stracted, without leave, at breakfast!
MAXIM Xi.
If you do marry an actress, the singing girls
perhaps are best Miss Patton, think, seems
very soft, and coaxing, and desirable. | my
self should prefer Kitty Stephens to any of
them. Though she is sad and lazy slut
won't learn line, and sleeps all day upon the
sofa! But I'm a teacher; and therefore the less
| parade my own practice-at least SO the be-
liefgoes--the better.
MAXIM XII.
Be sure, wherever you choose, choose proud
woman. All honesty is kind of pride; or at
least three-fourths of it. No people do wrong,
but in spite Of themselves they feel a certain
quantity of descent and self-degradation; the
more woman has to forfeit, the less likely she
is to forfeit any thing at all. Take the pride,
although you have the virtue; the more in.
dorsements you get, even on the good bill, the
better.
MAXIM XVII.
Don't marry any woman under twenty-She
IS not come 10 her wickcdness before that time.
Nor any woman who has red nose at any age,
because people make observations as you go
along the street. A "cast of the eye,"-as the
lady casts ii upon you-may pass muster un-
der some circumstances--andl have even known
those who thought it desirable; but absolute
squirting is monopoly of vision which ought
not 10 be tolerated.