Literary cadet, and Saturday evening bulletin. [volume] (Providence, R.I.) 1826-1827, 1826-09-30

percraniums for the admission OF ideas OF any 9TH
er beings, however perfect. Yet they had so many
peculiarities about them, that thought they must
have most curious fancy, to worship such oddi-
ties as themselves-but perhaps they may be race,
sui generis, who, like the Phoenix, have the power
of reproducing themselves from the cinders left
after spontaneous combustion.
But while my mind was laboring hard to solve
the problem before me, aud to place these be-
ings in their proper station in creation, up came
my old friend Mentor, in happy time to relieve my
mind from its load Of anxiety. To him the case
was Immediately referred, with the conjectures
had formed on the subject.
He informed me, that these anomalies were be-
ings generally Of the masculine gender, and claim
consangunity with the human family but that they
were as useless in the order of nature, as the odd
halt Of pair Of scissors. II is true, continued he
they can accumulate wealth, and hoard up their
bags of gold aud silver, not, however, for the benefit
of beloved wife and children, but TO satisfy the
avaricious desires of the frs. person singular, In
whom centre all their joys, their hopes, and their
happiness. Yes, friend, for the benefit of number
one, not stone is left unturned nay, they often
compass sea and land, and seek for the hidden
treasures in the bowels Of the earth, with unwea-
ried pains drag them from" the vastly deep" But
generally, they are of so little benefit to the public
veal, that nothing excites more disgust and rldi-
cule in the social circle than to name an Old Bach
elor.
Friend Mentor, said l, your nation abounds in
eccentric characters, among the most prominent oil
which you may reckon your bachelors Why, Sir II
your citizens should initiate the instinct OF the oee
they would drive these useless drones from 'heIr
hives, or compel them to contribute their snare "
support to those worthy females, whom they ousht
| to have married, some twenty thirty years
ago. There must be some radical defect in your
republican institutions, or your laws would better
provide for the prosperity and happiness OF all mem
bers of society, and it is presumed that no other ma
ton leaves the subject of matrimony at such loose
ends, as your own, or that bachelors are any where
| else to be found in such appalling numbers as in
| your country. In Symmzonia, should as soon ex-
pect to see Dandy, as Bachelor, and shouid ei-
| ther of these characters make their appearance
there they might expect to have every hair In their
heads pulled out, before they could walk as Tar as
the length of your strait street. called Westminster
| You are mistaken, said Mentor, if you suppose
that bachelors are found in my nation alone-for
from the remotest antiquity, they have been found
among people Of every language, outside OF the
world, and the more nation has increased IN
wealth, so much more these useless subjects have
abounded and even amongst the polished nation
of the Romans at the very height of that empire
so great was the prejilecton for life OF celibacy'
| that the Emperor found it necessary, In order to
prevent the failure of legitimate subjects to enact
corercive laws, forbiddins unmarried men to hold
any Office of trust or profit under government
This wise law Of Augustus was not only useful to'
the benefit of the State, but tended to prevent thai
beart.sickness of the Roman ladies, which arose
from hope deferred
Perhaps the enactment of similar law in our
Republic, would have happy effect, though at
this age of the world, it would be stil better to
oblige the offenders to herd by themselves, until
they could duly estimate the worth of female ex-
cellence.
Friend, replied, this addition TO your valuable
| cole oflaws would render them more perfect, es-
pecially the latter clause Of it, and then every IN
corporated town or city, might reserve corner OF
their territory for the purpose of erecting Bache lor
Halls in which all of this sort OF your population
should be confined under locks and keys immediate
lv after sunset and if found outside Of their gates
after this time, it should be under the penalty
Of marrying the first old maid afterwards mel
with.
All, said Mentor, this penalty would be yer,
important item in the proposed law. inasmuch as Il
would finally compel them to live more nationally
and no longer to spurn at the best blessing which
heaven has ever conferred upon mortal man. Fol
myselfI like sociablity, andbeeve mel cannot SCI
the pelf.scraping Bachelor drive on alone toward
heaven, in his solitary sulkey, without wishing hin
good speed. But from su ch travelling, good Lore
deliver me, and give me chase, with dear goo'
angel by my side, the thrilling touch Of whos'
flexible arm may flush my spirits into rapture AM
inspire devotion suited to the place. that best dc
votion gratitude and love.
"Yes, the only sweet drop in the vupi1 cup
life is friend, but where upon earth is the frien'
TO be compared with the aiectiOnate wife, tha
generous creature, who, for your sake has lett Ia