Massachusetts spy and Worcester advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1823-1825, 1825-05-04
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AND .4SSUR.4 NCE.

BeT?l6dine.-l have been drinking hard all
night, and will have more time to prepare me,
| or they hallbeat out my braius with billets.
will moi consent to die this day, that's GER
tain.
Datke. oh, Sir, you must and therefore
beseech yon ook forward on the journey you
shall go.
| BcTnaTdia,e.-I swear will not die to-day
for any mans persuasion.-.Measure for Meas
1Te.
"It is iYconceivable to the virtuous and
| praiscwortly part of the world, who have
been born and bred to respectable idleness,
what terrible straits are the lot Of those scan
| dalous rosles whom Fortune has left to shift
for themselves ~ Such was my feeling ejac-
ulatiop when, full of penitence for the sin of
urgent necessity, wendell my way to-the
attorney who had swept together, and, for
the most part, picked up the crumbs which
fell Tommy fathers table. He was little
grizzed, sardonic animal, with features which
were as hard as his heart, and fitted their leath-
er JACKET so tightly that one would have
| thought it had shrunk from washing, or that
| they had bought it secondhand and were
pretty near out at the elbows. They were
| completely emblematic of their possessor,
! whose religion it was to make the most of eve
ry hing, and, amongst the rest, of The distress
es of his particular friends, amongst whom
hal the happiness Of standing very forward
| NJ, business required but little explanation,
forI was oppressed neither by rent-rolls nor
| tite deeds; and we sat down to consider the
re;diest means of turning an excellent income
forone year into something decent for few
moe. My adviser, whose small experienced
ey. had twinlsled through all the speculations
of.he age, and, at the same time. had taken
'ery exact admeasu:ement of my capabili-
tie of turning them to advantage, seemed to
be of opinion that was fit for nothing on earth.
FIR one undertaking wanted application
fo, another wanted capital. "Now," said
| hi, sas the first Of these deficiencies is IRENE
dable, we must do what we can to supply
the latter. Take my advice, insure your life
TO few thousands you will have but little
pemium to pay, for you look as if you would
I've forever; and from my knowledge of your
rsttle-paed habits and the various chances
against you, ] will give you handsome sum
fu the insurance." Necessity obliged me 10
aequiesce in the proposal, and assured the
old cornorant that there was every likelihood
of my retuitng his liberality by the most I'M
|
which had procured me his countenance. We
shook hands in mutual ill-opinion, and he
obligingl, volunteered to accompany NE to an
! insurance office, where they were supposed to
estimate The duration of mans life to quar-
ter of an hour and odd seconds.
| We arrived little before the business hour,
and were shown into large room, where we
found several more spectators waiting rue
fully for he oracle to pronounce sentence. In
the centn was large table, round which, al
equal distances, were placed certain little
Jumps OF money, which my friend told me
were to nward the labors of the inquisition.
amongst whom the surplus arising from absen-
tees would likewise be divided. From the
keenness with which each individual darted
upon his share and ogled that of his absent
neighbor | surmised that some of my fellow
sufferers would find the day against them.-
They would be examined by eyes capable OF
penetrating every crevice of their constitu-
lions, by roses which could smell rat mile
off, and lunt guinea breast high. How
indeed could plague or pestilence, govt OF
gluttony, expect to Turk in its hole undisturb.
ed when surrounded by a pack of terriers,
which seemed hungry enough to devour one
another? Whenever the door slammed, and
they looled for an addition to their cry. thew
seemed for all the world as though they were
going to bark ; and if straggler really enter.
ed and seized upon his moiety, the intelligen,
look of vexation was precisely like that of a
| dog who has lost bone. When Ten or doz.
en- OF these gentry had assembled, the labors
of the daY commenced.
Most our adventures for raising supplies
| upon Their natural lives, were afflicted with a
concert that they were by no means circum.
scrioed IN foundation for such project. In
vain did the Board endeavor to persuade them
that they were half dead already. They
fought hah for a few more wears. swore thai
their fathers had been almost immortal. and
that their whole families had been as tenaciou.
OF life as cells themselves. Alas they were
first ordered into All adjoining room, which
soon learnt was the condemned CELL and then
oeilca'eiy informed that the establishment
could have nothing to say to them. Some
indeed had the good luck to be reprieved a
little longer, but even these did not effect a
very ha.tering or advantageous bargain One
ola gentleman had large premium to pay fol
totter in his knees; another for an extraor.
binary circumference in the girth and a dow
ager OF high respectabity, who was afflicted
with certain undue proportions of width wa.
fined most exorbitantly. The only custome,
who met with any thing like satisfaction was a
gigantic man ofIreland, with whom death,
thought, was likely TO have puzzling con.
test.
How old are you, ir'" inquired an ex
aminer.
Forty"
You seem strong man."
" am the strongest man in Ireland"
" But subject to the gout?"
"No.-The Notwithstanding else
upon my SOUL"
what age was your father when he died?'
Oh he died young but then he wa
killed in row.
" Have you any uncles alive ~
" No: they were killed in rows too.'
"Pray, Sir, do you think Of returning to Ire
land? 20