Massachusetts spy and Worcester advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1823-1825, 1825-05-04
" May be | shall, some day or other.n


oh, never fear! am the sweetest tenn
per in the world, barring when am dining
out, which is not often.n
=, what VIVA Sir, you can drink little?
Three bottles, with case"
Ay, that is bad. You have red face
"nu look apoplectlc. You will no doubt 60
off suddenly" o.
"Devna U,,. NY --.,.~~-~ ~-
me; and I'll lay bet I'll live longer than any
two in the ROOM"
" But three bottles ="
Never you mind that. Il don't mean to
drink more than bottle and half in future.
Besides, intend to get married, i'll can, and
live snug"
debate arose amongst the directors res
pecting this gentleman's eligibility. The
words "row" and "three bottles'' ran, hur-
ry-scurry, round the table. Every dog had
a snap at them. At last, however, the lead
er of the pack addressed him in a demuring
sie-'l. ana osveed that, upon his paying a
slight additional premium for his IRREGULAR
ties, he should be admitted ASA fit subject.
ltwas now my turn to exhibit but as my
friend was handing me forward, my progress
was arrested by the entrance Of a young lady
with an elderly maid-servant. She was dress
beauty had ever seen, & appeared to produce
an instantaneous effect, even upon the stony
hearted directors themselves. The chairman
politely requested her to take seat at the ia
Bile, and Immediately entered into her business,
which seemed little more than to show herself
and be entitled to twenty thousand pounds,
for which her late husband had insured his
life.
"Zounds," thought I, "twenty thousand
pounds, and widow''
"Ah, Madam" observed the chairman,
"your husband made too good bargain
with us. told him he was an elderly, sick
" sort of man, and not likely to last but
| never thought he would have died so soon
after his marrisge.'
An elderly, sckly sort of man! She
would marry again, of course! was on fire TO
De examined before her, and let her hear
favorable report of me. As luck would have
1t, she had some further transactions which
required certain papers to be sent for, and,
In the pause, stepped boldly forward.
Gentlemen" said my lawyer, with a
smile which whitened the tip of his nose, and
very nearly sent it through the external teg-
uments, " allow me to introduce Mr.. IA
particular friend of mine, who is DESTROYS of
insuring his life. You perceive he is not one
| Of your dying sort"
The directors turned their eyes towards me
with evident satisfaction, and had the van
lty to believe that the widow did 80 too.
"You have good broad chest" said one.
~ dare say your lungs are never afTected''
Good shoulders too" said another. "Not
likely to be knocked down in row."
"Strong in the legs, and not debiitated by
dissipation" cried third. 81 think this gen
tleman will suit u.s."
Il could perceive that, during these COM
| plments and few others, the widow was
very much inclined to litter, which consid-
cred as much as Irritation commenced; and
when | was ordered into another room 10 be
further examined by the surgeon in attend
ance, longed to tell her to stop till came
back. The professional gentleman did his ut
| most 10 md flaw in me, but was obliged
| TO write certificate, with which re-entered,
ana had the satisfaction of hearing the chair
man read that was warranted sound. The
| Board congratulated me somewhat loosely,
and the widow laughed outright. Our affairs
were settled exactly at the same moment, and
followed her closely down stairs.
What mad trick are you at now?" in
CURED the CoTmorant.
81 am going to hand that lady to her car
rage" | responded; and | kept my word.
She bowed to me with much courtesy v, laugh
ed again, and desired her servant TO drive
home.
Where is that, John :" said I.
and away they went.
We walked steadily along, the bird of prey
reckoning up the advantages of his bargain
with me, and i'll mood of equally interest
ing reflection.
"What are you bordering about, young
| gentleman ?" he at last commenced.
81 am bordering whether or no you have
not overreached yourself in this transaction. 81
! How so ?"
"Why begin to think shall be obliged
to give up my harum scarum way of life
drink moderately, leave off fox hunting, anc
sell my spirited horses, which, you know
will make material difference in the proba
BILE date of my demise"
But where is the necessity for your doing
all this?n
"My wife will, most likely, make it slip.
ulation."
Your wifen'
eyes. That pretty disconsolate widow we
have Just parted from. You may laugh; but
il you choose to bet the insurance which yo,
have bought Of me against the purchase mon
ey, will take you that she makes me a Sc
date married man in less than two months. ,
I" Done - said cormorant, his feature
again straining their buck-skins at the idea o
having made double profit OF me. "Let u
go TO my house, and I will draw deed Il
that effect, gratis"
did not finch from the agreement. M,
case, know was desperate. should have
hanged myselfa month before had it not beer
for the EPSON Races, at which had particu.
lar business; and any LITTLE additinnai reasv,
for disgust to tho world, would, thought, b,
rather pleasure than a pain-provided
was disappointed in the lovely widow.
Modesty lisa sad bugbear upon fortune.
have known many who have not been op
pressed by it remain in the shade, but have
never known one who emerged with it int
prosperity. In my own case it was by NJ
means a family disease, nor had lived in an