Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1825-06-18
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Mr.. Caleb Whiteford was at an en-
tertainment in which Madeira of fine
favour was plcntifully served during
dinner. After dinner bottle Of Cape
wine was introduced-so excellent, that
the company gave several hints that
another bottle would be very crafty
ing. The hint was not taken: on which
Mr.. w. said, "NNell, if we cannot dou-
bic the Cape, we must return to Made
ria"
A CLOWN, in Berkshire, employed to
draw timber from wood, met with an
oak trunk of so large size, that the
tackle he made use otto place it on the
carriage broke twice on the trial. Hodge
slung his hat on the ground, and
scratching his head with much vexa-
ton, exclaimed" DIN the hogs that
did not eat thee, when thee was an acorn,
and then I should not have had this
trouble with thee"
MR.-, wretched artist, telling
a friend that he meant to whitewash the
ceiling Of his room, and then paint it
the gentleman observed, that he
thought he had better paintit first, and
then whitewash it /!
The Johnsonian Style is not yet worn
out in our familiar addresses. The
protector of Sunday paper informs
his readers, that he will admit no quack
advertisements.-"T'heir vile indecen-
cy shall not gloat through the mask Of
philanthropy; sickness shall not be fiat.
tered into incurabihty; nor debauchery
INDUCED 10 the last gasp by the pro-
misses Of instant restoration"
A COUNTRY gentleman a few days
since asked his son, who was at college
what was meant by Bachelor Of .Arts
-" One (said the student) who ,coos
the Arts, but never weds them ~
The Ruling Passion strong in Death.
When Hal SPEEDING, the celebrat-
ed gambler, was on his death-bed, he
addressed his physician in these words,
"Doctor, l know your skill, and be-
lieve you are an honest man; l am a.
bout to put question to you, the am
swer TO which will not alarm me, be
it what it may-How many days do
you think l may liver" "7hrse," said
the doctor.-"I'll bet you twenty
guineas," cried the patient, "that live
four."-Spedding died the next morn
ing.
AT the Huntingdon Assizes, an ac-
ton was tried for the recovery OF the
sum of 3Sl. for the price Of three heif-
ers. The sale took place at a public
house, and The landlady was brought
up to prove the contract; and who sta
ted to the Court, that previous 10 the
bargain being struck, there was good
dea of D" boiheration." Mr.. SERGEANT Sci.
lon. on cross-examining one OF the
Witnesses for the defendant, said to
him, "you heard what Mrs. Bird has
said about this contract, and that she
saws that there was good deal OF BOTH
Grafton before it was concluded will
thank YOU to inform the Court what is
the meaning Of the word dotherafion.
"Why, Sir" says he, "it is something
like what is passing between you and
me.
That eccentric preacher, Orator
Henley, once, by advertisement, invi-
ted the licensed victuallers to lecture
on "social morality" after which he
promised 10 inform them chow they
should sell more porter than they usu,
ally id."-It is little to be doubted
bit that the oratory was on this lmPor'
tant occasion crowded with PuDiicans;
The orator was particularly animated
and entertaining; he explained 70 them
the nature Of their situation and duties,
descanted ON the various characters OF
their Guests. and many other collateral
circumstances: at last he said, MY
hre,hren. to perform my promise, and,
bv explaining to you how you shall
W, more beer, endeavour to inculcate
moral duty, must apprise you that
NV instructions can never be forgot
ten. because they are comprised in
three words, "FiN your Potts."