The Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1822-1829, 1825-03-29
miscellaneous F,ctrdctS from English
Publications..

LET Wis ChdfStu WIN ASSUMING the
person. and cutting the throat, and
breaking the best black chip bonnet
Of Mrs Mary Jones. the sprightly
spouse of MIR. Griffith Jones, Cam
brian purycyor Of Sky-biuc to n very
large proportion of the worthy tea
drinkers of ST. Clement Danes. Mr..
jeremiah Miller is green islander,
who, after many vicissitudes, has
settled down as grecn-grocer. and
picks up a pretty living by the dis
pensation of praturS. parsnips, and
pot-herbs, from his own rented place
III that lane OF slop-slush and fog.
Which leadcth from st. Clements
ohnrch-yard to the mutton mannfac-
tories in Clare market. lie is a
great CONTENDER of soap and water,
q has mortal antipatly to razors !;
hut lac is a man Of IA merry tempera-
ment withal and il was this MERRY
temperament that brought him into
his present prcdicament with Mrs.
Jones. " And pelasc your Worship"
said Mrs. Jones. " AZ l was stand
ing on step opposite Jerry Miliers
shop last night, inc and his second
wife, and his FIRST wite's daughter, y.
two or three others Of 'cm, sailed
out al me, and basted me shameful,
and dragged me about by the hair
Of my lead, and cut my throat with
a piece of broken glass, q rantcd
my best black chip bonnet all to tat
tiers !" This was AN awful charge !;
but awful az it was. Mrs. Jones
could not deliver it without laughing.
=" Here. your Worship" she contin-
ucd, holding the tattcred bonnet up
on one hand, and quantity of hair
in the other" here your Worship,
here's my bonnet, & here's my hair
pulled off my head, and here's my
throat cut, as You see !" Here she
pointed to scar on her fair neck,
and still she smiled and Uttered, and
seemed to have much ado to help
laughing outright. His Worship
complimented her on the good hui
mour with which size bore SO ma
ny injuries, and asked her, What
pr0yocation 50 sweet-tcmpercd a
person could possibly have given.
" Why, Sir, ! only laughed at a
song Jerry Miller was Singing" re-
piled the merry Mrs. Jones. i" |
heard him singing in his little bit Of
a shop, and | could not help laugh
ing-it was SO very funny - and
then she laughed again at the recol-
lection Of it.-His Worship express
ed some curiosity to know what song
it was that could still excite her
mirth, in spite Of SO much ill-trcat-
ment !; and with some pressing she
said it was something about
90! there was barber, whose name
Il was Pat,
And to him came the butchers wife,
greasy and fat,
Singing, trade UNI, tl0eedle um, twido %
1t was admitted on all hands, that
such song, well sung, must be ir-
resistable, especially in that parti-
cualineiglbourl ODD. The magistrate
ask Mr.. Miller, what he had to
say for himself. L" Laws bless your
life and soul, sir I" replied Mr.. Mil
Ter" there isn't a n'Onny-SyiLiblt
of truth in it from beginning to end
It's all spite and jiltiSy, agen me,
because she's got into holy alliance
with the grcen-groccps shop over
agenst mine.' And what are your
praturs pound, Jerry Miller p said
she. Don't be axing the price, when
ye don't want the praturS, Mrs.
jones' says /; and with that she
stoops down and grapplcs up don-
bic liant!e of slusll-. What is SLuSh q
ssid his worship. Wet hay and
sludge' replied Mr.. Miller and she
grapplcs up a double hantlc Of siusl,
and siaps it right at ne - That
was very 7orsnS.' said his worship.
Sure it was,' rejoined Mr.. Miller,
and with that my people went out
at her, and there was a bit Of skrim-
mage, but | never laid my own fist
upon her at all /; if | did, there isn't
"A pratur in Common-garden this
day Mrs. Jones, i'll reply declar-
ed that there was not a mOnoSylidbfe
of truth in Mr.. MIXERS statement,
and she called disinterested wit
ness, who sworc that he saw Mr..
Miller and his wife take Mrs. Jones
ND IN their arms and Shurc her head