Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1825-05-05

| 10 DMk; ana II StraSgler really ehtcreu AIN
seized upon his moiety, the intelligent look
of vexation was precisely like that OF dog
who has bone. When ten ora dozen o.
these gentry had assembled, the labours Of
the day commenced.
Most of our adventures for raising supplies
upon their natural lives, were afflicted with a
natural conceit that they were by no means
crcumscribed in foundation for such pro-
ject. In vain did the Board endeayor to per
suade them that they were half dead already.
They fought hard for few more years, swore
that their fathers had been almost immortal,
and that their whole families had been as tena-
cious Of life as eels themselves. Alas! they
were first ordered into an adjoining room,
which soon learnt was the condemned cell,
and then delicately informed that the estab.
lishment could have nothing to say to them
Some indeed had the good luck to be repriev-
| ed little longer, but even these did not ef-
feet very fiattering or advantageous bargain.
| One old gentleman had a large premium to
pay for q totter in his knees, another for an
extraordinary circumference in the girth; and
dowager of high responsibility, who was af-
| flicted with certain undue proportions OF
width, was fined most exorbtantly. The only
customer who met with any thing like salts
faction, was gigantic man of Ireland, with
whom Death, thought, was likely to have
How old are you, Sir" enquired an exam
iner
| Forty
| you seem strong man,
Il am the strongest man in Ireland"
| But subject to the goutp
No.-The rheumatism. Nothing else, up
on my SOUL
| sWhat age was your father when he died 2
ooh, he died young; but then he was killed
in row.
'lIave you any uncles aliveP
No: they were killed in rows too"
| 'Pray, Sir, do you think ofreturning to Ire
| landp
| MAY be shall, some day or other
'What security can we have that you are
| not killed in a row yourself"
] sOh, never fear am the sweetest temper
in the world, barring when am dining out,
which is not often.'
| what, Sir, you can drink a littlep
| Three bottles, with CASE
SAY, that is bad. You have red face and
look apoplectic. You will, no doubt, go of
suddenly
Devil bit. My red face was born with
me; and I'll lay bet l live longer than any
two in the ROOM ..
But three bottles
Never YOU mind that. I don't mean to
drink more than bottle and half in future.
| Besides, intend to get married, if can, and
live snug.
A debate arose among the directors respect
ing this gentleman's eligibility. The words
row and three bottles ran, hurry -scuriy,
round the table. Every dog had snap at
them. At last, however, the leader Of the
| pack addressed him in demur1ing growl,
and agreed that, upon his paying a slight adj
ditional premium for his irregularities, he
should be admitted as fit subject.
! 1t was now my turn to exhibit but as my
friend was handling me forward, my progress
was arrested by the entrance of young lady
4 with an elderly maid-servant. She was dress
ed in slight mourning, was the most sparkling
beauty had ever seen, and appeared to pro-
duce an instantaneous effect, even upon the
stoney-hearted directors themselves. The
chairman politely requested herto take scat
at the table, and Immediately entered into her
business, which seemed little more than to
/ show herself and be entitled to twenty thou
sand pounds, for which her late husband had
insured his life.
'Zounds,' thought I, twenty thousand
pounds and widow
eAh, Madam observed the chairman, syour
husband made too good bargain with us:
| told him he was an elderly, sickly sort OF a
man, and not likely to last but never thought
he would have died so soon after his marriage,
AH-elderly, sickly sort of a man! She would
marry again of course! was on fire to be ex-
examined before her, and let her hear fayo-
rable report of me. AS luck would have it,
she had some further transactions which re-
quired certain papers to be sent for, and in
the pause, 1 stepped boldly forward :.
| Gentlemen said my lawyer, with smile
which whitened the tip of his nose, and very
nearly sent it through the external teguments,
ALLOW me to introduce Mr., particular
| friend of mine, who is DESTROYS ofinsuring hIs
life. You perceive he is not one of your dy-
ing sort
| The directors turned their eyes towards me
with evident satisfaction, and l hafthe vanity
! 10 believe that the widow did so too.
you have good broad chest, SAID one,
q dare say your lungs are never affected
sGood shoulders, too said another, mot
likely to beknocked down i'll row..
strong in the legs, and not debihfesed by
pissgation,' cried third. q think this gen.
tleman will suit u.s.
/ could perceive that during these compii'
ments and few others, the widow was very
much Inclined to litter, which considered as
much as Irritation commenced; and when
was ordered into the room to be further ex.
amined by the surgeon in attendance,
longed to tell her to stop till came back.
The professional gentleman did his utmost to
find flaw in me, but was Obliged to write
a certificate, with which Ire.entered, and had
the satisfaction ofhearing the chairman read
that I was warranted sound The Board con-
| graduated me some what loosely, and the
widow laughed outright. Our affairs were
settled exactly at the same moment, ana foi'
lowed her closely down stairs.
what mad trick are Won at now " enqulreo
the cormorapt