Phenix gazette. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1825-1833, 1825-09-01

but for any good she could do me, she
might have been in the heart Of the At
lantic ocean. Ere she could have al
tered her course, l must have drifted a
long ways to the leeward, and in that
dim snowy night how was such a speck
to be seen? saw a fash of lightning
and then there was thunder. 1t was
the ship firing a gun, to let me know
if still alive, that she was somewhere
lying to. But wherefore? was sepa-
rated from her by a dire necessity, by
many thousand and fierce waves, that
would not let my voice be heard. Each
succeeding gun was heard fainter, till
at last | cursed the sound, that scarce
heard above the hollow rumbling Of the
tempestuous sea, told ME that the ship
was farther and farther off till she and
her heartles crew had left me TO my
fate. Why did they not send their
boats round and round all the night
through for the sake of one whom they
had pretended to love soIwell? blamed,
blessed, and cursed them by fits; every
emotion of my soul was exhausted, and
l clung in sullen despair to the wretch
ed piece of wood, that still kept me
from eternity.
Was it not strange that all this time
the image of my friends at home ne
YER entered my mind? My thoughts
had never escaped beyond the narrow
and dim horizon Of the sea, at least ne
YER beyond that fatal ship. But now, |
thought of home, and the blessed things
there, and so intensely bright was that
flash of heavenly images, that for a
moment my heart was filled with hap
piness. 1t was terrible when the cold
and dashing waves broke owe me in
that insane and dreaming fit, and "a
woke me to that conviction, hat there
was nothing in store for me but an icy
and lingering death, and that |, who
had so much to live for, was seeming
" on that account most m~iserably to
perish.
What a war of passions p~erturbed
my soul? Had | for this kept my
heart full of tenderness, pure lofty and
heroic, for my best beloved and long
betrothed? Has God kept me alive
through fevers and plaques, and val
and earthquake, thus to murder me
last? What mockery was all this?
What horror would be in my gray hal
red parents house when they came to
hear OF my doom? o Theresa! There
sa! And thus | wept and termoiled
through the night. Sometimes had
little or no feeling at a%ll--sullen and
idealess, l wished myself drowned at
once-yet life was still sweet (; and in
my weakened state must have fallen
from my frail vessel and been swallow
ed up, had l not, though even now !
| cannot remember when or how | bound
myself to it. l had done so with great
care-but a fit ofdespair succeeding, |
forgot the circumstance, and in that sit
uation looked at myself with surprise
and wonder.
That | had always thoughts of the
eternity into which | felt gradually
sinking, is certain; but it is wonderful
how family l thought Of the future
world; all such thoughts were over-
thrown by alternate hope and despair
connected with this life. | heard the
shrill cry of sea-birds. flying Owe my
head, and instantly returned again to
the hope of life. o for such wings! but
mine | thought were broken, and like a
wounded bird lay floating powerless Oh
the waves.
The night before I had had a severe
rheumatism in my head, and now re-
membered that there vas a phial Of
laudanum about me. l swallowed the
whole of it-and ere long a strange ef-
feet was produced. / fell into a deliri-
UNI, and felt a wild pleasure in dancing
over the waves. imagined myself in
a vessel and on a voyage, and had a
dreamy impression that there was con-
nected whit something of glory. Then
suddenly a cold tremulous sickness
would fall on me-aweight of sadness &
despair. Every now and then there
came these monetary Hastings of re-
atty; but the conviction Of my person
al identity o gave way to those Wild
err fits, and l was driited along through
the moonless darkness Of the roaring
night, with all the fierce exultation of a
raving mailman. No wonder-The
laudanum, the cold, the wet, the dash
ing, the agony, were enough to account
for all this, and more than my soul
dare even now to shadow out to her
shuddering recollection. But as God
pitied the miserable, SO also has he for
given the wicked thoughts OF that un-
imaginable night.
During one of these delirious fits,
whether it was dream or a reality |