Massachusetts spy and Worcester advertiser. [volume] ([Worcester, Mass.]) 1823-1825, 1824-12-22
[For the Massachusetts Spy.1


When man is in trouble, it is very useful
for him to take the advice of his betters; and
experimenting you are we'll skilled in all mat
tiers of Importance, and able to impart good
counsel to those who need, | am induced to
lay my case open toyou.
My birth and education were not mean,
neither above mediocrity. My disposition was
naturally pleasant; and aspired to nothing
above mode rate independence, which desr-
ed to enjoy with an agreeable companion, in
the choice of which | was as successful as
could reasonably be wished.
We were happy in our domestic enjoyments.
Our neighbours were pleased with our pros
pect. and often favoured US with their friend
ly visits; my better half was neats systematic,
and prudent. | was we'll satisfied with my al
lotment, especially as | am a great lover of
cleanliness. In this pleasing train our affairs
continued, until one day perceived that my
beloved Betty was contracting nauseous
habit, which feared would create disorder
throughout our system. | began to consider
what method to take effectually to check this
noxious evil in its bud. ! administered gen.
lie caution. 1t had but temporary effect
the evil continued, and of course rather in
creased. conceived it necessary to deal out
advice, which did, cautiously, and thought
seasonably, but, to my sad modification, it
met with a rebuff. At length began to re-
monstrate but all was to no purpose. must
now acknowledge the disagreeable truth, that
my clean and delicate Betty has become
downright snutf-taker; and, instead of the
clear voice with which she formerly spoke,
her words are now but half sounded through
the mouth, the other organic assistant of
speech, the nostrils, being obstructed by snuff
yes, snuft-between every word there must
be long snuff; and this, you know, mus!
make young woman appear ridiculous in
deed. But all this could dispense with if
this was the worst oft (; but, as told you be.
fore, am young man, fond of cleanliness
and here comes the sore trial that, most of all,
wounds my feelings, and produces my greatest
notification. am sometimes obliged to turn
my head behind me, when see the coloured
drop suspended at the tip of her nose, ready
to tall into the breadtrough or pan Of cakes.
Indeed, you can hardly conceive how am
forced to smother my thoughts while attempt
to satisfy my hunger with cakes that have
been beat together, fried, sc. under the shak-
ing OF a foul pepper-box well filed. Indeed,
should tire your patience to tell of all the
nasty things that fall in my way to mar my
happIness-haudkerchief painted and be-
daubed enough to give the stomach of dog
an emetlc convulsion, and to disgust any kind
OF an animal but snuff-taker-one in half
dozen different places, SO that Betty can have
one ready at hand-these are loathsome TO
the full.
will disclose no more until you have made
one attempt for my relief; and whether efec-
tual or Intellectual, you shall receive the hear.
ty thanks of PETER.
We sincerely commisserate our correspon-
dent in the trials which he has so feelinsly set
forth, but we assure him that we are entirely
unable to afford him any relief. We know
of no cure for confirmed snuff.take We
will relate an anecdote of one, which will
serve to illustrate the inveterate character of
the habit.
An elderly lady being asked, provided she
could have three wishes, what she would
choose, replied, "First, she would have a
plenty of snuff" "Well, what next"
"Why," says she, 81 would have a new
snuf-box to keepit in" every WE'LL" says
the inquirer, d" What would you have next"
After a few moments pause, the thoughts Of
her favorite powder Giumphed over all other
considerations, and she exclaimed, 81 would
have a tttle more snuff"