Constitutional Whig. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1824-1832, 1824-01-30

i brutality was she a subject for neglect, and
for coarse inGdclity Was il fit that her ten
demess, her beauty, and her youth, should be
wrcsted upon a creature who could not appre-
ciate what he was possessipg, She did not sell
herself 10 me for title or for fortune She was
not seduced by fashion ora feather. II she
loved inc-and think she did love melt was
for myself alone.
Impressed with these feelings, left England
n second time for Lisbon. The war had now
been carried into the heart of France, aud Che
Peninsula had prospect OF sufficient security.
II, by law, was prevented from marrying Isa-
bella, by gratitude, as well by affection,
held myself bound to her forever. took it rs
an admitted principle, that every man must set
tic at some time; and deliberately formed my
plan blasting, domestic happiness.
| | had not then ascertaincd that the very
! thought of set system is destruction to every
thing in the nature of enjoyment. | had vet to
discover, that 1T was better even to die at once,
than await, in one fixed posture, the wearing OF
improbable vacancy.
set out with wish. rs we'll as a resolut;on to
act well. had seen the errors of married men,
and determined 10 avoid them. ! will treat a
woman, said l, with that attention which she is
entitled to de.nand--t vii! not render her miser-
able by my dissipations-l will no: insult her by
sighting her socety-I will love none but Isa-
| now see i'll omen in these my first resolutions.
\ man does not put himself upon the defensive,
unless he feels cause to apprchend attack.
suspect that, like the VIOLIN tho fable, the sight
OF the collar already made me uneasy.
L shall never forgotten rlv time indeed is
almost comc--the torture which it cost me to
carry my good resolutions into eticct---the DAYS
the weeks, the years, that suffered, Of safety,
WEAKNESS, Indifference, disgust. am COW me
hat no Ill -.
was only fastened by my efforts 10 conceal and
to resist it. The love of full liberty. which /
had been used freely to indulge, acquired now
tenfold force from the restraint to which sub
lJected myself The company OF the plaincst
woman OF my acquaintance would have been
delightful to me, compared with the uniformity
of beauty.
bore up against these inclinat;ons until nv
very BRAIN became affected. My senses grew
morbid rom excess of infamation. And, vithal,
| L could perform but half the task had imposed
onmysclf. might refuse to love other women
but L could not compel myself 10 love Isabella
My attentions continued; but they were the
attentions ofa prescribed duty. The feelings
had once entertained towards her-the letters
had written to her-ior | Glanced once BIZ acci-
dent 10 fall on some of them-the whole seemed
, drcam-a delusion-a dclirum--from which |
had recovered, and the remembrance of which
excited wonder.
Steadily TO pursue the course upon which
had determined, was not to cheat myself of the
conviction that that course was DESTROYING me.
In vain did reCollect what owed 10 Isabella;
her uniformly excellent conduct, the sacrifices
| she had made for me. These images refused 10
dwell upon my imagination. They were as sha-
dows in the water, which Guided my grasp when
would have seized them. found only a wo-
man who now, was in my way; who, no doubt,
meant to bestow happiness upon me; but who,
| III facS, drove me to frenzy. Iwould again have
been left destitute; l would have returned to my
| ration and my broadsword; | would have sub
nitted - any thing 10 nave been once more n
free man. but TO desert Isabella, or to be desert
ed by hof Il was not (tloavcn be praised y
quite villain enough to take the iir< course !:
my pride could not have endured Chat she should
take the second.
There are limits to the capacity ofhu.nan en-
durance We arefionc OF us SO far from insan-
ty as we believe ourselves. My temper had su-
fcred in the course of these conflicts, a shock
from which, think, Ii nevcrafterwards recoycred
when tram OF new circumstances, unforeseen
and unexpected, broke, for good or i'll, the tram
mels which cntargled me.
We had been five years together, and | had
been four years miserable, when habitual de-
preston, which had perceived, but neglected
to speak of-for, in the fever ofmy OWN soul,
had 10 thought for the distress of others-this
terminated in the serious illness of Isabella. At
first, surprising her iIdisposiion to be transient
| treated it as an affair of domestic routine, taxi
ing every precautiSn for her safety, rather as
matter ofcourse, than from any feeling of any
iety; but an mtimation from my physician that
she was III state of rial danger aroused me from
Chat apathy with which Contemplated all pass
ing events.
Danger What danger ?-'There could be
no danger; the man must be mistaken.
6 iIewas not mistaken. My wiie's complaint
was low, nervous fever; brought ON. a. it seem
ed 10 HIM, by some cause operating upon the
mind and, if her spirits could nc; be Kept up,
her peril was imrnediate.o
never rcci Led any intelligence with great
CT discomposure in my life. A variety of re-
| collections, very like accusations, crowded one
after the other suddenly upon my memory. Nv
heart awoke from that lethargy into which long
suffering had plunged it. Still, ] thought, the
thing must be exaggerated.-ssH Her spirits kept
up :" Why they must be kept up. {: What
was to be done TO keep them UP 'n-That, the
adviser left to me.
visited Isabella with feelings which could
scarce acknowledge even to myself. She sent
Tor me as was going to her chamber; and nv
purpose of going almost changed. know not
i'o" W uSSCilDe tie ScllSalOn winch Dcr message
produced. | was going to her at the very mo
mcnt unsummoned; and yet the summons COM
PEELED me TO turn back. 1t was not the feelings
of a man who is detected in crime for that
must suppose previous CONSEQUENCES that he
was committing one: 1t was the alarm rather
of a child who plays with a forbidden bauble
and suddenly discovers that the last wish has
broken it.
had seen Isabella on the preceding evening;