The Wilmingtonian, and Delaware register., 1824-10-28

abandoning them forever,-how expedient
it was that my fond wife, whom had left in
the morning with 10 deeper cloud over her
happiness that the fear of not seeing me
again until night, should tomorrow be
widow, and her offspring fathcrless This
was very terrible vet all this accomplished.
Slowly, and even calmly, l traced those
characters, which if ever they were read,
were to infict the most exquisite pain on a
being for whose happiness no exertion would
have been spared, and no sacrifice would
have been felt. Man has sometimes been
defined the laughing animal, and sometimes
the cooking animal, and sometimes, alas
the reasoning animal: If were asked tor a
definition, should call him the inconsistent
animal But this is depression. 1t was late
before had written every paper, which as
an honest man, thought it my duty to leave
behind me. But the cXcrtion was OF great
use to me had gained mastery over my
feelings nf which did not think myself capa-
BILE. / gra,luai,;, hardened my heart, until l
could fix my ewes on the prospect before me
without rccoling. 1t may appear strange,
but the only approach to fuetuation III my
mind was when suffered myscltt to calculate
upon the chances of escape; so true II -
that uncertainty is the severcst OF human
ills. But new trials awaited me- when |
reached home, my wife always anxious 70
give me pleasure, ran to meet me with let
ter which she had received from my mother,
who at an advanced age, had resolved on the
toll of a long journey to see my chiiarch
she was to arrive on the morrow. am as
tonished how succecdcdin conceallng from
nv wife the thrill Of agony with whlch
read the letter, which but a few hours carrier
would have been the most acceptaote pre-
sent | could have received. To account fof
nv leaving home so early in the morning,
fabricated lie about an engagement 10
breakfast with friend who hved some
miles from town. While | was forging ano-
ther to account for my wishing to sleep N 4
room by myself, she told me she intended 70
pass the night with 4 little niece o. m'he VINO
was staying with rs, and who had gone 70
bed rather intlisposed This was 4 great
relief to me, for was not so accustomed 70
falsehood as to be able to lie ertemiorc. ]
hurried away from her glad to have passed
in safety through such a fiery ordeal. had
perhaps. seen nv wife for the last time; and
vet had so concealed my feelings that she
supposed me as happy as herself. There IS,
firmly believe, no situation in which the hu-
man mind is unacceptable OF pleasure, and
felt proud of my self command. With q
gloomy satisfaction paraled all the horrors
of my situation before my minds eye, sur
prised at the apathy With which bore the
dreadful procession.
Will it be believed? soon fell asleep If
indeed, that is to be called sleep in which
the mind never seems to lose its tension.
l lay in a state Of semi-consciousness, which
while it did not preserve me from drean1s
gave them an oppressive feeling Of reality.
In general my sleep is sound and nndistufb
ed: the moment Of loosing my recollection
at night is simultaneous with my awakng
in the morning but then felt the slow pro-
gress of time, as it were, from minute, and
the few hours which elapsed before the dawn
were to me a night of ages. Just at day
break when the objects i'll my room, which
had been changing their form and position
during the darkness, had resumed their usu-
al appearance, was reused from my stupor
BY my little boy i'll my dressing room. He was
singing at the very top OF his clear shrill
voice. mvoluntarily and by habit, | went
TO fetch him, and had folded him i'll my arms
before / called to mind my resolutions to
avoid the sight of him and his sister. ! had
rcfrained from my nightly VISIT to their
couches, and hoped to have escaped from
the house without hearing their little tongues
could not take him back he chung round
my neck so fast that was obliged TO carry
him to my own bed. This was fatal error
in instant all my philosophy evaporated,-
but shall not attempt to describe the tor
lures of that dreadful hour. have neither
the power nor the will for such a task. There
is also frequently a mixture OF the ludcroas
with real suffering, which renders il unfit
for description. 1t was so in my case ; my
child had been accustomed to hear inc imi
tate the noises of various animals for Iii.
amusement, and when in the excess of mi
agony groaned aloud, he clappcd his hands
and expressed his delight at what he suppos
ed to be the lowing of the COW. | pass ovei
the subsequent part OF the afiair,-l recover
ed my spirits the moment had effected N,
escape from home.
Every thing else was cheap compared
with what had endured. | shall only sa
that when our pistols were elevated for TIL
second fire, saw, or tho't saw, down nj
adversarys barrel to the very wadling.
however, escaped and Mr., thank God
was but slightly wounded.
He was an honourable man: and havin
now no difficulty in making an apology, h
was soon convinced he had been to Dlamt
and retractcd his offensive expressions.
suppose | offended against etiquette, fo
instead Of staying to breakfast with Mr.
and some friends, could not resist the i'm
pulse OF returning instantly to my own hous;
Onmy way home framed another lie to rt
appearance, which | rather supposed passc
much more from my character and my wife
want of suspicion, than from any intrins