Alexandria gazette & advertiser. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1822-1824, 1824-09-25

j end OF lt cnrIeu III tOWaFuS HIS ChOps
in most singular manner. It was
said that his mother was frightened
some months before he was born, at
seeing an elephant pass through the
ttown on its way to the metropolis for
exhibition, and the consequence was.
that Nick was born with the animals
nose. Be this as it may, his smeller
had much the air of an elephants
trunk, and its size was not less rec,
markable than its shape. His rela-
tons, however, consoled themselves
with the hope. that as their calves
and lambs had as large legs when
they were born as they ever had. so
N1cK's nose might remain as it was,
| until his limbs and body should grow
into something like christian.like pro-
portions. But, alas! they were dis
appointed. To be sure his nose but
barely kept pace with his body for
some three or four years, but no soon
err did the uniucky Master Snutfer
begiu to use his legs, than his snout
began to outstrip its rivals. From
that time till tire day of his death,
his nose was eternalIy in his way. If
he tumbied down he was sure to go
| whack upon his nose; if he ever look
ed for his hat ia the dark, he was
sure to run his nose against some
thing; if he ever undertook to split
| up oven wood,' a log was sure to fly
up and salute him in the nose; if he
ever quarrelled with any of the boys.
he was sure to get horrible bruis-
ing in the nose; if he ever caught
cold, it was sure to settle in his nose;
and moreover, that unfortunate men,
Der was continually studded with
warts, biles and carbuncles, like an
old-fashioned knee.buckle. But still!
Nick kept up good heart. AS his
nose was not so handsome as some
others, his olfactories were of the first
water; and moreover from the On
common size and shape, his snout
afforded him great facility in picking
apples and cherries, inasmuch as he
could hang by it upon branch. and
pick with both hands. Thus Nick
continued TO thrust his nose through
the world with considerable eclat, un
til he arrived at the susceptible age
of twenty seven; when his heart was
most cruelty wounded by the google
eyes Of Miss Deborah pepper;
who Notwithstanding Der venerable
beard) declared herself but twenty
FIVE, though it was notorious that her
mother had been dead thirty-four
years. Mistress Deborah, too, had
plentiful nose of her own, hut
it was essentially different from Mr..
Suffers, being turned up so abrupt
~. that her nostrils ran parallel with
her mouth. 1t seemed as il nature
designed that the snonts of this love
ly couple should be hooked together
in matrimony; and for time, every
body thought it would be effected.
Mr.. Snuffer visited the amiable Mrs.
Pepper every Sunday night in his 60.
to-meetIng clothes, and the village
folks talked about the match inces-
sanity, for about six months, when
all at once the affair was blown up,
nobody knew for what; Miss pepper
Joined the methodists, and went lee
turing eight nights a week. Poor
Nick Snuffer drew his nose after him
to his paternal home, and brooded O.
yer his disappointment 1t was his
{" first love-" and he was sensible he
should not survive the stroke. And
in fact, from that time his nose was
observed to change gradually to
| more purple hue, and to increase a.
mazingly in size, until at last it was
somewhat difficult to distinguish his
original head from his snout, it hav-
ing much the appearance of double
headed shot. His nose now became
too much for him. He could not
hold up his head under it; and CONT
nued to decline away, notwithstand.
ing be daily dispatched two quarts of
New England. to keep the "cold ice
of despair" from striking into his
stomach, until at last nothing was
left of him but his nose. when giving
a most obstreperous sneeze, he was
silent forever!
There were various opinions. as
usual, among the meddling villagers.