Alexandria gazette & advertiser. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1822-1824, 1824-07-17
From the Boston GALAXY.
BARRIERS.


BARRIERS.
Sir, be patieat-i'H shave soa directly.-Jos,
There are no animals TO be found
crawling upon this barren sphere, that
are so completely destitute Of soul, con.
scisnce and gizzard, "a the barber Gus
scrapsr Of The chins, the surly- looking
man with fri2zled head, aud comb
sticking in it, the soap smashing, po-
matum swabbing, beard pulling. tooth.
drawing, tear.disGlling wretch that We
getstes in a sDug little chop, attached
10 q treme ndous pole, that projects it
sslf into the eyes aud teeth of travel-
lers, like the horn on the forehead Of
she Uoic orn-I mean the CHIRURG con,
Or rather the BLoop, LETTING BAR
sER. By the Lord Harry but had
rather venture within the reach Of the
killing eyes Of all the chattering lLEG>
HoRNl FLATs that ever gathered to.
gesher at the presentation of 8 Stan
dard, Than come 10 contact with one Of
these fierce little wretches, armed with
. soap>box and razor! They seize
man by the collar before be is aware,
thrust bim into rickefty arm chair
with force that makes all crack again,
wrench bis neck over the back of 1t,
uasil his Adamsapple projects like the
nose ola washerwomsn, and towel him
20 the ears, before he can recover 10
the least from his CONSERVATION. As
he casts his eyes anxiously around in
hopes Of receiving succour. his bspless
orbs are Internationally ex,inguished
BY pestlent little brush, filled with
brown soap, and hot sain water. that
CRATES over his disk with The velocity
:. ola City Marshal, and in the twink.
ling of soap box. be fnds himself a
poor helpless mortal. reeking with cold
hthsr, sped from the forehead to the
arm pits o Jupiter! Then comes
tho tug of warp How chatter my era
ny stumps at this recollection The
tearS stream down my face In fright
ful torrents, ss ii yet wri.hed beneath
the ipflciioDs Of the obdnIate razor
The marrow sqnisms within my bones,
like the helpless worms upon the hook
OF the angler Father Abraham! why
Is the disk of man impestered with
beard for these terrible szor-bearers
to fasteu upon. and torment him unto
madness! WHY'S he eternally liable
sobs smoshered or poisoned by dirty
napkin, his neck wreDched over the
back OF chair-lsthered into Jelly
scraped, scratched, and hacked, like
fOrked radish-his ears pulled-bis
nose tweaksd-his eyes put out. or bast-
cd into his head like a roasted pigs;
and all by inan OF strsw-s curler OF
perlwIgs-a homer of IA zors--a roll OF
p0matum--an animated wig, bloek-s
battered powder puff? And must these
Sa'ures gosw upon our liyers-I mean
casns, forever Will.here never be an
end Of ,his towslIing. and ia,hering,
and digging, and scraping, and nose.
pulling, and powderipgp Shall we
never cease with this TANNED non
'sn'er Alas! alasl our judgments are
srieyous, and hard TO be borne!
Oh! that our BARRIERS were men of
compassion. and bore in mind that the
unhappy chins they operated upon, be-
'00gsd to sensitive beings. o thatlhey
were fond Of rubbing their raj or strsps,
sao ever made it point to have their
blades as keen as clam.shell! o that
q. 1hey would consider the trouble and
y expense Of a beard. nd deal Justly with
nose unhappy mortals who daily in
y" their box traps, that they would be
s0otsnted with receivipg their boards
ass t0urpences, aud not have the cru
''.y TO fiay the poor Devils
nut alas! greatly do l fear that our
oAsBERs will never be made to COM
p,easnd the necessity of sreform. on
~ .hey shsll have been shaved With
.ns'r own razors. ssrapgled with their
ava shaving rags, smssksr.a With their