Alexandria gazette & advertiser. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1822-1824, 1824-09-25
MISCELLANY.
From the Ns7O England GALAXY.
THOUGHTS ON NOSES.

THOUGHTS ON NOSES.
/ have more than once in my day
been exceedingly pestered in decid-
ing to my own satisfaction. whether
a mans nose. was on the whole. ad-
vantageous to him. It is doubtless
desirable on many accounts. First,
because it may smell out food for the
other senses. Secondly, because it
brings a mans head TO a point
Thirdly, because it is a decent repo
STORY for snuff when every other ca
witty of mans head is crowded with
the Indian weed. Nourthly. it is a
-Hrm pedestal for that very fashiona-
bic ornament-glasses. Filthy, be-
cause it is of some use in keeping a
mans eyes from quarrelling with
each other. Sixtbly, because people
have got into such habit of wearing
them. that they have become as it
we're. necessary to their comfort
If there are any other advantages to
be derived fran wearing a nose, /
have never been able to nose them
out! Now the Inconvenience and bo-
therations Of nose are neither few
nor small. Let any man pay atten
ton TO the subject. and notice how
often in the course of day his nose
la in his own way, or in that of
some body else; how often he is re-
ceiving some pain, slight. and inju-
ry, something disagreeble and NOR
tifying through its instrumentality,
and he will be convinced that the
pleasure he has received through the
same medium. is far from being equal
to it. IN fact, the bare trouble of
keeping il in respectable plight. by
means of blowing and wiping-the
inconvenience and disagreeableness
of carrying about, and Furnishing
In every body's gaze a filthy pocket
handkerchief. is enough to neutral
ize all the pleasure and convenience
from it.
There is another thing which
strikes me, in which a mans nose is
fruitful of much pain. Ii you should
have the misfortune to injure or dis
please fellow creature, all his VEN
'geance is directed against your pro-
boscis. 1t is this feature which seems
to monopoiize all his spite; and bis
darling wish appears to be to demo
lish it. Mathews exclaimed in the
character of an enraged Frenchman,
81 mil strike you on de ssoSs!' and il
is notorious that in those sparring
matches which rebound SO much to
tho honor of old England, the prin-
cipal aim Of the combatants is to de-
tach his antagonists snuffer.
There is another thing in which
Hoses are fruitful of much vexation
their shape. The snout of man
as we'll as that Of pig, has an over
whelming influence in deciding the
expression of his Countenance. Iii
highly necessary to one who is am
bilious of obtaining the favor of the
ladies, to have respectable nose
dangling from his skull. In fact,
he cannot get along without it. If a
man have nose like an elephant. or
a guinea pig. he can never hope to
obtain the devotion of the fair, al.
though he should have unlimited ere.
dit with every tailor and perfumer
in the city. A decent nose is indis-
pensable in all affairs of gallautry,
Cupid never shot his deadly arrows
from behind an i'll favored snout.-
Let all parrot.nosed gentlemen re-
member this and not suffer their van.
ity to betray them.
Although all noses are remarkably
troublesome to their owners, yet there
are some much more SO than others.
knew a poor devil, Nick Snuffer
by name, who died of nothing under
heaven but his nose, 1t is a new
complaint | allow. 'but it's a fact
Nick inherited from nature probes.
els OF most uncOmman dimensions -.
II was not 80 very stout and large,