The Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1822-1829, 1824-04-20
10 me Ed;,or, or The Nationai Jounai.

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other men think Of that class of animals
called dandies, but for my single self,
would as lief not be rs be, and live 10 awe
of such shapeless, shameless object. Our
streets are fhrongcd with them, black,
white, and yellow and great variety IT
intermediate shades. Our hackney coach
cs frequently contain three, white one
within, black one before, and a yellow
behind.
The first Of this race which ever saw,
was about $500 years since 10 the great
city of Boston. | was country lad who
had often fearlessly encountered the bear
and the cat Of the mountain but when
saw this new species ofwild animals roam.
ing among the civilized, dreadlog lest they
might be the inhabitants Of some inferior
region, took to my heels and fled like IA
lamp lighter. Though | have now lost
much OF this dread aud mary cfmy appre-
hensive forebodings, yet the very hrsE
sight Of a modern macaroni sets all my
muscles quiyerng, and makes every nerve
thrill like the string of an Eolan harp.
Others know are effected in similar
manner for frequently while q country
lad has stood gazing with trembling inten-
sity, have seen,
49," his Two eyes, like stWrs, start from their
sphere;
His knotted and combined locks TO part,
Like quilts upon the freilnl poReupne."
:" Steteruntque coma, yox iaucibus bssit.
Others are affected differently, some
with disgust, some with pity, some with
contempt, and more with fidicule. But,
airs, I will never ridcule an object Which
/ fear. | shall 10 the first place give
scientific description of dandy and IN
the secondplace point out some methods
by which onrptreets may be cleared OF
such a.Daisance.
i.Dssc,iption Of a Dandy. !,
MATHEMATIcsLLy, his altitude IS equal
to the altitude Of his skeleton, Plus the
heels of his boots, plus the quantity OF
cork or newspapers within his boots. Ills
inferior base is equal to the fashion IN
which the soles of his boots are made,
varying from two square inches TO a square
foot. His superior base is equal to the
broadcast surface OF /" Tom and Jerry
hat" His conlugate diameter differs IN
different parts fromzero to yard.
A yersi c6loured wreath contains an
enormous stifiner, six inches wide, which
so throws back his head as to graduate the
rizon Of forty five degrees. Two nppor-
tant advantages are gained to him by this
posture, which Salust would never call
promo I Heis fixed 10 good position
for consulting the stars. g. His vision IS
not contaminated by sight of the toiOtr
orders of creation he can see none but
tall characters like himself. His whole
body is so bent back, that considering HIM
sphercdliy, his sine equals his eoslne. Ills
soldity cannot be determined.
ArAToMicALLY, his pilous system IS
sometimes thick and busiiy, at others, clip
ped all round the capital as square and AS
true as a box hedge. laced ligature pas
ses round his body in the region Of the
diaphragm, pressing all the abdominal vls-
cera into the pelys, making it satisfactorily
evident thai he belongs to the class of an
finals called insectss. In proof OF this theory,
will give you the portrait of the clerk OF
Plymouth nail factory, taken from an
eastern paper:
"This little bit or an animal, the clerk,
was sort ola would.be dandy having
the bottom of his waist pinched up to the
size of quart pot, and thus resembling ~
shape what we call a mud wasp. tie wore
eleven capes to his coat and had over the
place where bis brains should be, a jocky
cap of catskin, and carried a mock gold
watch with two seals, each as big as a pre-
mum turnip o, these dear, sweet crea-
lures are always vastly attentive to the
ladies, They may be easily distinguished
from other animals by the above descfip-
zion, and their singular gait which &c a sort
ola
Tippity bob, and tippity bob;
30, | am all the tppy-0 ~
His diseases, bothorganic and Junction.
al, are many; particularly, difficulty OF
breathing, prevention OF circulation, dys-
pepsa corns on the toes, elongaton of
the axis of the eye, so as to require spec
facles, and large tumours situated chiefly
lin the .buccinator, abdominal, and anal
muscles.
CHEMICALLY, the dandy is a simple SUBJ
stance "A supporter of combustion; a
solid inordnary temperature possessing
great tenuity and strongm agnetical proper
ties pulpy with. disagreeable tase aud
odopr an absorber of all vinous fluids ;
wholly soluble in alcohol and on all occa-
sious emitting immense quantities of car