The Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1822-1829, 1824-11-23
From Blackwood's Magazine
TIE SUICIDE

lh debtor IN death. All that remains 10
he considered -, how | am IT, do the bnsl.
trss. J have been reading all The Suicides
could gather, during line last week. and |
do not Gnd one exactly conformable 10 IN,
IDEAS On the subject.
Shall | blow my brains ont !? IL IS well
my uncle Nicholas i, n1t present, Tor tin.
old rogue used always Ia say that had
none bat lie was efcl ii c~alunniatnf. No,
| shall no blow my brains out, even sup
posing | have any. 1t i, II dirty way u
mans collar Is quite deranged, and his shirt
most dlsastreabit sitincd With batter aud
blood. Then yon are quite Il disgusting
looking devil, actually IA bore Ia Il scnsili.,
coroner and Il Sympathetic court of pie.
powder. Besides, after all, yeti are not
sure. Rat'esricrfl", for instance, as we all
know, disliguttd himself anfllly, and
Yet ll'ed long enough to crafty the kind
people of PWis With a guiliotine exhibition
al freSco al his expense. Ii you miss, il,
cursed report of the pistol, calls up the
household, aud You are restrained by Their
cltil Interference from Committing the rash
act : aud in any case, you I'll the ROM
with IA filthy Smoke, smelling most dlaho-
Iieally of sulphur. Therr is not IA cook
maid in Iay kitchen but would say, 'Ay,
- ; t'''' ''h - - ''Aliih ~ ~ ~ ~
til. ouid'un MAS looking Tor itin. Nira
he called, he could not help coming, poor
gentleman! there wasa smell of birthstone,
my dear, III the room, that You'd knock
down a horse" Dn which ruachrt
would remark, No doubt ont Moi
~ he has gone hang, %t,ar.in hand, To
where h. viii get enough OF that ere com
modify
1t Is then IA ruled point that | shall mol
bio" my braius ont. Cut my throat ,
No bad nn,ion. Yet stop 4 while. Doe.
not the objection ofhrdaubing myself. hold
here also. y surely. and in IA trniold de
gee you must, hesidcs, give yourself the
trouble of taking oil your cra,dt, aud you
may miss there too. | have known people
10 slit the Wcasand, and Yet have the
wound cohblrd zap by some Tailoring snr=
gron, aud live as the new spapefs have II,
Respectable members of soci. ~. never
eoald hit the carotid for | 10 not know
where il is and if | did, there would be
some cit lying perdu will his jest. ready To
call me Carotld artery cutting 50 aud So
| am, moreover, Of opinlon that II must
hurt Il man sadly To cut his thIoa', | re
member once upon Il time no" u barber
cut me into the bone While shaving me,
aud | was 81 stung with PAN that | knock-
ed him down. Shonld not | then he il
jack,ss Of The flot ear 10 bust mysrif tea
tlnies wors. than the kulsIt of the pole p
just ll,ink ola ,ggrd razor goiug through
your wiudpipe The mere thought is hide
Gus. ltazur, ataunt Id no. cutlny throat
TO- Cl0O0.
Shall | poison myself; What die the
death of IA rat: Not |, | thank yon. That
were descending in the scaic oturcatiou most
scandalously. Then what a pretty account
nj my personal appearance there Would be
in the reports TIN body of The unfor.
tauate gentleman WAS blown up ike Il tun,
and there were lisid and pea green spots
AL over his countrnaCe. Ills right eye was
drawn down 10 his mouth, and his l,ft
twisted up over his eyebrow "A pretty
picture, in truth and just TAKE up u sheet
medically de -criptlve al poisonS, with their
ELECTS, symptoms, &c. Gripping of the
CUTS, burning of tn. stomach, parching ol
the throat, shi,ering Of the -ldcs, lptlntg oat
of the tongue, twisting of the Mouth, aud
ten thousand disaSrerahle ahuminatlnn~.-
Besides, you would, during the time Of the
operation, b. WISHING Yourself all manner
ofIll wishes for being ~ great a goose, and
prdyin5l the deed undpnr. BrlrrSe me, you
would repent il sadly. II YOU WIRE disco
vcrcd, WHIT a tumult there would be, aud
what "A vehicle Of all kinds of unclcanl,
draughts your unfortunate windpipe would
be mlde. Pour down "a turrcn full of
melted bnttrr,' one fellow would rxclain,
: pom II dawn without II moments delay
: II il he an alkall poison he has swallowed,
another would put il his word. = nruiralizr
II with AN acid IN my life hong ! hated
this jargon Of the chemist. GIVE him
,........I ...,...-. ,-.1I l.. IL. -. -
il third Nothing in the. " hole world * 81
rnicacinus in such misfortuurs, Il fourth
would sxclaln,, IA the lincturc of poln.
quack doctor, who had taken out a patent
for the tinctnre-n composition of brandy,
and tobacco WATER.
In Japan, gentleman, when he f,lls into
disgrace at court, has thu prI, llege OF taking
Il sword and ripping out his bowels. What
is to he thought ofthat Cato Of Utica, did
the same.
tWhat Cato dill. and .1ddison approved,
cannot be wrong , said Eustace Budget,
and flung himself over the side IF a whrr-
nv into the Thames, with Il couple of nine
pound balls IN his coat pockets. Ii wa. ra
Their 4 queer way, after all, of Initiating Ca
To. If bad written thcsr lines, | should
have done what the old Uticanian did az
Died dc In taiiJe. Bun, in good truth, | have
no such notion. fdHgh a man To die
with his puddingsout. like the foolish two
headed giant deluded by Jack the giant.
killer. | never approved of Cato's princi
pies, having been all my life "A Tory, who
il | had bfralhcd the vital air in the days
of julius Cesar, would have voted for him
through thick and thin. therefore do not
find myself at all bound 10 folio" cat"'s
practice. As for the Japanese, there i, no.
| body in these parts oftlH world that | know
Of bound to follow their examplc,excepting
Robert Warren, of No. 50, Strand. liz
may embowel himself, ii he likrs-I shah
not.