The Alexandria herald. [volume] (Alexandria [Va.]) 1811-1826, 1823-05-26
HUMOUR.
THE FIRST OF APRIL.
AN EXTRACT.
From The last numbered The Netp Monthly IMdga-
zine


sine.
8, a m.-Looked out ofbed room win
dow into Grace church street, and called
"Sweep" to boy with SCOT bag. Saw
him stop, look about him at the corner OF
w bite Hart court, and then walk on
Halted him three times in the same way.
Tried fourth, and popped my head GU,
at the wrong moment. Boy, in great
passion, threw turnip, which broke me
half crown pane, and woke my wite.-
Swore l knew nothing about 1t, and
sneaked down to breakfast.
9, a. NV ent to table drawer and
silly pocketed three little Jumps of ala
baster. Returned and took my scat at
breakfast table as If nothing had happen
ed. Put alabaster at top of blue sugar
basin, and to my grea, delight saw Kitty
put one into each Of the chiidren's cups.
Children hammered, pushed,a and wander
ed sugar would not melt. Thought
should have died laughing three oil
my best silver spoons bent as crooked as
rams horns. Very demure when Mrs
Gsnter came down to breakfast. Never
attack wife ;-(harpooners have some
reason for not meddling with Certain
species OF whale, as being too ficrce.)-
so says Guthrie's grammar.
10, a. m Went behind the counter to
serve. Asked Jack Mit,en my foreman,
If any body had BACKED his face. Jack
answered, 'snot to my knowledge" and
went to the looking glass. replied,
,snor to mine ither."-Labghed very
| much, but Jack did not see much in it.
Sam Snaffie, the driver of the Chaplain
looked in to know what places were
| booked. -Told him one inside, q lady To
| take up at Seams manufactory, this side
| the Elephant.-Saw him set off, one
short, and thought should have died.
Took pen, ink, and paper, and wrote as
| if from Dodds the druggist, TO lawyer
Lynx, telling him to arrest Shuttle the
| shoemaker Tor L2S los. goods sold and
delivered. Gave 1t TO ticket-porter, and
told him Lynx w ould pay the postage.
10, a. NV ent back in the shop to
serve. Sold white cotton night cap u
an exciseman ard told him it was fellow
to six others which | had parted with 10
| halt dozen other gentlemen who were
to set off on Journey from the Old Hai.
! lev tomorrow morning at O'Clock.
| He did not seem to see much in il, but
lauged amazingly. Saw Jack Mittcn,
| serving a lady with red elastic purse. at
the other counter Took up a Dewspa
per and read loud enough for her to hear
| ssdreadful depravity an irish fruit wo
| man in Dyot street, ST. Giles's, scraped
| her child to death with an oyster-sbell :"
Lady screamed and went into Mysteries,
Gave her glass of water, and told her
"it was a shame that oyster-shel!s were
| suffered to lie about the Streets" Tho't
| should have never done laughing.
l2.-Sent Polly to Spa fields to see a
live radical. Told her to buy me a
straight hook in her way home, at Peter
| Pullgil in Crooked lane. Told her
should also want glass ink horn ; and
that a male mermaid was expected 10
swim down Fish street hill at two. Wife
overheard, and called me an old fool
Did not see much in it, but Molly laugh.
ed.
Up. m.-Asked Jack Mitten who was
| the father Of the sons of Noah where
! Moses was when the candle was blown
? out and which was most, half dozer
dozen, or six dozen dozen. The poor
fellow could not answer one of them
Took the steps, climbed up silly to tht
clock, and pushed the hands two hours
forwarder. Heard wife, who caught ;
glance OF it, rail at the cook for not put
ting down the leg of mutton, telling he
il only wanted an hour of dinner time
Clock struck hundred and one found
had done mischief, and stole away to Eli
cot to get him to repair it.
9, p. m.-Took turn upon change
Told Rothschild l hoped he liked Co
lumbar bonds. Did not much like hi
looks, so stole away and entered the 70
tunda of the bank. Buzz, the broker
asked me to hold his umbrella, while h,
went to sell 5000 pounds, al 70 5-8.-
Dropt two handfulls of saw dust into hi
umbrella. On his return, walked OH
with him into Bartholomew lane. Luck
lily rained hard Buzz Airted open hi
umbrella over his head, and covered him
self with saw dust. This made me laugI
till cried. Buzz threw back a handful
of saw dust into my left eye this mad
me cry till laughed.
8, D. m.-Took a walk over LoDdol
bridge to Iiorsetnonger lane sessions
Looked over sessions paper, and saw in
dictment, the king against UBludgeOI
about so of. Went into front yard, AM
bawled out, "the king against O'Blud
| geon IL iust called ono Such a rush n