The Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1822-1829, 1823-02-28

teri But he swept IL at once entire and
wholesale into bis brooches pocket. 1.-THE
laughter here was loud and prolonged. -
OH Of the Doctors own lips shall prove
this lndicrous disposal Of the beef. The
poor man was earning an appetite, which
il seems even breakfast could not take
away from the Parson. The Doctor pro-
ceeded directly 10 his house he Owed at
once into The kitchen: = Follow me- said
he, to the astonished cook, follow me to
,he harder, and bring the carving knife with
yon.' Laughter.l The cook followed
with tremulous apprehension, the scnllion
retreated IN silent Consideration. Arrived
at the Kitchen he cast a look at Il round OF
beef which had already done duty in the
family, cut a measured slice from it with
much caution, performed the like opera
ton upon a loaf of bread, and then staIked
away without utterine syllable. Lord
bless US, says the cook, how hungry my
master IS !; break fast gust over, he's taking
to the luncheon Not for a luncheon
however was the beef intended all that
day and all that night il was the Parsons
companion, and next morning the cook
received a summons to attend his dressing
room there spread out in state, he shew-
cd her the slice cut of the refund, and the
beet he had maneuyered out of the tool
box so cut to match that you could
scarcely distinguish between them. Won't
you swear, said the Parson, that these two
slices are from the same round y Its
impossible that can, said the cook beef's
beef all the world oyer.' { | can, said the
Parson there's slice that came off my
round, and III swear it did, because found
it in the tool box your round, said the
cook, was safe in the larder the door was
locked and the key was in my pocket
| There was reason too which the Doctor
assigned for claiming the beef, and which.
as 1t has at least the merit OF originality,
shall mention. Indeed, he repeated it be-
fore a jury. | know the beef to be mine
from its complexion Gentlemen, per
haps he might. dare say there was a IL
| iy whiteness about the fat, and modest,
saltpctre, Aurora-lke redness about the
lean, familiar to theeyes of Doctors of D-
vinty.
Gentlemen, the next appearance of the
cook was before n Magistrate, where she
distinctly swore to the utter impossibi-
lty OF any access to the beef without her
knowledge, and she solemnly denied that
such access was ever afforded. The cook
having failed, the butler was resorted 10.
The Parson produced him the slice from
the round, and asked him whether it was
not his property No. said the butler
God bless me, said the Parson, what
fool you are not 10 swear to beef He
then produced the slice from the tool box.
AT all events, Joe, you will have no hest
tation IN swearing that this and the other
came from the same round p No, repli-
edJoe, I'D rather say they did not, because
the one IS much drier than the other.'-
The old mathematician, when he solved
the problem, and exclaimed eureka, never
felt one tenth portion of the Parsons
ecstacy-'lts the same, Joe, its the same ::
its only drIer because | carried it in nv
bIeechcs pocket (Laughter.)
His next resource, gentlemen, was the
plaintiff himself. The plaintiff WAS bewaiI-
ing the robbery Of his dinner, little fore
seeing he was to be considered thief
he told at once that he got the beef from
his aunt at Camberweli, but Parson Walls
was not to be satisfied, nor would he even
make inquiry Day after day the man came
to his work, Il day after day the Parson be-
set him, tormentlns him hourly with the
same questions at length his patience was
/ quite exhausted, and he said as | am told,
IN the presence Of the butler, Sir, told
you the name Of my aunt, and where she
hVed I'll answer you no more questions
upon the subject !; am ready to prove
my innocence before any tribunal in the
world In the mean time, gentlemen, the
beef was hourly atfording to the parson a.
f mother opportunity of occurring upon the
mniablhty Of human affairs; in other
words, 1t was/grttlng musty despatch
was necessary. The Parson sent il down
with strict command that some of the
ser' ants should dine on it. The butler re-
Jected 1t as he was TO be a witness the
Kitchen maid swore she would not make
her stomach receiver of stolen goods
and the unfortunate cook will tell YOU
that she bolted it herself in order to pre-
vent revolution in the scuIlcry. laugh
ter)
VIII you believe, gentlemen, that upon
these grounds,against the speaking evidence
OF the mans daily returning 10 work. a.
ganst the oaths of his own servants. a.
ganst common sense, because he lad a
cold round III his larder-this prop of the
Church, who keeps his lordIy mansion, his
eqn'paSe, and his retinue, determined to
prosecute this helpless peasant on charge
OF robbery charge SO laid as to subject
MN TO transportation. Did You ever, gen
tlemen, hear OF such a.casc as this | re-
member to have heard fone, aud but one,
which occurred in another country. 1t
was not IN Ireland, gentlemen. tho MIR.
Gurney's smiling would seem to say sa.-
1t happened in America about so years "a
go. Johnny Hook, gentlemen, was a
Highlander. He lived in one of the eco
nom'cal parts of Scotland, until he arrived