American watchman and Delaware advertiser. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1822-1828, 1823-11-21
From the Boston Statesman.
~ The Ladies are requested not to read this.
OLD MAIDS!

i What are these? so withered and so wild
i You should be women,
j And yet your boards forbid me to interpret
That you are so. Shakespeare.
Calling few evenings since at the house of aunt
Sparrowgrass, was ushered into the psrlour by
laundering cookwench of the colour and shape Of
'Junkbette, and before was aware, found myself in
the presence of nearly dozen Madame Charita-
I, 6teS i! AS have an uncomfortable aversion TO
mob cap, and had as leave hear a thunder storm as
the croaking of an old maid, it is to be thought
:, that was much pleased with this incident In
deed the baie sight OF one tabby was ever enough
TO put me into violent passion but TO be thus IN
weighed into the company Of hos-it was more
than human nature could bear. was taken by
lsHrprIse and knew not what to do. My first inn
Ipulse was 10 fly upon them and scatter the whole
assembly to the winds my next was to take re-
lfuge in flight. But my constItu ona prudence
soon corrected the one. and moments reflection
convinced me OF the unmanliness of the other. To
attack them in such numbers, would be madness,
and to retreat from psltry women, " $ what cnuld
not think of. ! have never yet crlnged to woman
kind thought I, and---I will not now, even though
they should show as little mercy tomy person as
they do to others characters Seating myself dog
gedly in corner of the room unenightened by the
Candles which iickered on the distant tables resol
we'd to watch their motions, and listen to their con-
versation until should have staid sufficient time
TO be able to depart without drawing forth their ami
madversons exciting their suspicion tor, blast
'em had they known that an old bachelor was in
the room, they would have gone mad with rage
IWhew my life would not have been worth a Tai
Ilor's promise Why never went neal an old maid
in my life, without she snarled and spit, and snorted
and contracted her claws like cat, the approach
of canine intruder seeming only prevented from
flying in my face, by my show OF superior strength
And to tell the truth, my love ior Iea-SiPler is
not entirely dssimilar 10 the tender passion with
/ which well educated Dog regards the feline sis
erhood. But nil desperandum, we old bachelors
are growing too strong for them. In few years
they will be in our power We will strip off their
lmob-caps without remorse-they shall all be caught
and shaved openly in the market place. Not the
shadow OF whlsker or beard snail be allowed then
and il one of them shall venture afterwards 10 take
pinch OF snuff, or hint any thing against her neigh
lbors char acier, she shall be poblicy ducked III the
Frogpond. We'U stop their confounded chatter
ling snuffing, snivelling and suspectlng.
But let it not be thought that INDUCED in these
fright vaorous thoughts while in the critical situs
ton in which the reader left me, oh. no am not
f such fool as to get into difficulty for few idle
!: words, uttered at a wrong time "The better pat
OF yslor is discretion.o Like many other gallant
i spirits ever make point to be assured there Is
# no person present disposed to take me up before
N DeRln 10 give tHC NOupduT iaNoIao'S VPahiSb VI
u my courage by clustering and threatening. In iact
don't know how could get along in any Other
way. But wander
Could tlgress, and then return,
With The facility of Sterne
liz would be of little consequence. But cannot,-
Therefore let me keep close haul upon the orislna
lsubiect. Speaking about critical SituatiOhs,'-
Ives was in quite unpleasant SITUATION, Tor al
though the corner was dark, still there was some
chance Of discovery, more especially as the old tao
bles continually directed their spectacies 10 th'
place. and strained out their eyes like lobsters, e
pr find what kind Of parsonage was. But ash seem
ed rather the stare OF curiosity, (aias their na'ura
look) than the glance Of suspicion, bore 1t wi'hou
shrinking: For as said before, had determined
to stand my ground in despite OF consequences
But it required all my courage and fortitude t.
' abide by this resolution for batting their tornioa
a. likeness on the score of numbers, their general ap
RS pearance seemed uncommonly wild and irghtiul
/ thought at first this effect nigh! have been hegh
tened if not produced by the imperfect light OF thu
~ room. but was soon undeceived Aunt Sparrow
grass spitefully twtching the bell rope desired thu
IL servant IN voice that made my blood run cold,
fetch some candles and wood and as the KIND
ling blaze shone upon their haggard countenances
10 and partially disclosed the fierce and remorsees
t expression Of their features, as hey sat perched
round the fire,armed to the teeth with snui boxes
knitting needles and spectacles, really tremoet
: at my o,cM audacHy! Bearded like pards and dres
sed like scarecrows, they seemed to belong to ano
Their race of beings, and could scarcely refrain
from addressing them in the language OF Banqu'
at the :" first appea, snce" of Macbeth's witches
u We look not like the inhabitants O. the earth
And vet are ont? Live you 1-or are you ought
THAT man may question? You seem to understand me
Iy each at once her choppy finger laying
Upon her skinny lips
II was indeed the most pestient congregation
wrinked toads that ever crawed together to poisoi
- the moral atmosphere oil neShoorhood
A. ,hay h-caote more engaged In their varlou