Martinsburgh gazette. [volume] (Martinsburgh, Va. [W. Va.]) 1810-1825, 1823-05-01

Since then, | have been in vain expecting a
finale; "the cry is still they come;" folders,
singers, masters, aud amateurs, besiege my
house, and there is no end to my wife's parties,
or my remonstrsnces. find | have married
musician who perpetually reminds me of DR.
Pangioss's distinction between concert and a
consort. Accustomed to admiration, she cannot
live without it, and her home becomes insipid,
unless it is crowded with listeners and fatter-
ers, and converted into an arena for display.
ihaye no voice in my own house, because my
wife has so much, and every body keeps tune
in IL so vigorously, that cannot find any for my
own occupations From morning to night am
distracted with harmony-ny head seems to be
athroughfare for crotchets, cuavers, and semi
quavers--a common sewer, into which is dis
gorged perpetual stream OF noise under every
possible variety which the meditation Of air can
produce. Even in mysleep, | have constant
singing in my head; the nerves of my brain,
ike an IEolian harp, vibrate ofthcmselves; and
II dream, il is of the jarlng, scraplng, and tun
ing. Of ten thousand instruments.
Man has been defined, by Psychologists, as
a featherless biped, butt have been sometimes
struck with the capricious contrast between the
human and the winged subject. In peacoCks,
pheascnts, and all the gsIlinsceous tribe, it is
HE male who is dressed ost IN gorgeous col
ours and fine feathers, while the female is as
plan and unadorned as a ouaScress Singing
birds are all small, the backbira being the
largest; their is no beaked B1lnyton and il is
the gentleman who tunes his pipe while the do
nestle lady Sis broodng over her eggs. Mine
broods over nothing but the harpsioitord, ard
my ''callew nestlings Of domestic bliss" are RON
dos, sonatas, and canzonattas. Can expect
her TO be good housekeeper, IN any sense OF
the word! That left hand, 50 couversalt in
Or haec
roll Of trsdesmen's bills those dexter fingers,
such volant summoners OF sound, would you con-
denln them to thimble and needle. or require
them to handle any keys bat those OF the instru.
ment and that voice, 'warbling immortal verse
and Tuscan air." wouldyou have the heart to
bid it scold Der servants and add up accounts'--
Nome but Goth ora Vandal would dream of
such degradatons, and yet I am ashamed to
confess how much ofa barbarian am become
"ihe piece which your wife is about to play is
extremely difficult" said a friend tie other
| night. 81 wish to God it was impossible" was
my reply; and shortly after ex-
claimed, in the midst of a most complicated
fugue-"sed tugit nterea, fugit irreparabie
tempus," 20 the great scandal of all the bystan-
ders, the casting Of angry chances from the
performers, the holding up OF foreRngers, and
the general exclamation OF "lIush!"--My guests
are fonder OF music than | am, great many
walk INTO another room to play cards or chat
during the performance ofany favourite piece,
but they invariably return when it is finished, to
cry "Bravo charming beautiful divine -
Whose composition rs that Do prog oblige US
with it once more"
Let none but the rich aspire to the posses.
sion of a musical wife, for he must expect to
pay for the luxury in proportion to its annoy
ance "a computation which renders it eAtrava-
giant indeed. fever a Congress CT Sovereigns
| md themselves in my pocket, they are presently
dispersed tor benefit tickets and subscription
concerts One meeting Is no sooner over than
another is announced; singers are never out
OF breath, hdders arms never ache, my wifes
| tarantula is never cured, her fingers are never
out of her harpsichord, and mine never out of
| my purse. The "No Song no Supper" offormer
days is now converted into "ro Dinner no
Song" for my table is beleaguered two or three
times week with a whole irruption of hungry
hsrmonists, who commit grievous havock upon
fish, flesh, and poultry, and sultivate the decan-
ter as itthey were drinking for voice At
first had no conception that song could
ever emerge from such superintendent mass
OF vands, deeming it as improbable an event
as that the giants should upheave from beneath
Mount PeEon, or that the bottom shelf OF tav-
ern larder should MARBLE one Of Moore's melo-
dies. found malicious pleasure in believing
that even the ghost OF a voice was laid, when
10 with no other con- uratlon than preEmjna-
ry "Hem." these ventripotents called up from
the Red Sea Of my porl and c.aret, all their bori-
ed sweiie. shakes and Calences. as loud, clear,
and lively, as ever they existed before dinner
But the GROWING misery, the master mischief
CT the muslco-mana, is the c0nve ring my dwell
ing into an opera house or common holel for
The Benefit concert OF some squailing italian,
when hundreds OF utter strangers, upon the
strength OF their guinea tickets, stare me out Of
coUntenance in my own abode, hustng elbow
ing, and pinioning me up into corner where
l can and hear nothing, or compelling me
to take my stand halfway down stairs wnh
cold wind blowing upon my back, and some
gaping vugarlan tgeading upon my toes in
front. THIS hold to be SO degrading, as well
as offensive proceeding, that should never
submit TO be personal witness of the outrage,
but for certain considerations which hardly
know how to mention 10 sears polite" Suffice
1t to say, that nd 1t necessary to look, as well
as listen upon hose occasions, for among my
vsitants have had amateurs OF other things
than music gentlemen, who have learned the
new art OF lingering, without the assistance
or The chropias5 shFewd conveyancers, who
Can make a transfer from chimney piece to a
pocket in deml-semlquaver, accuse Hobody
The whole SIX hundred at my last invasion
were doubtless, sail honorable men," though
had not the honour OF knowing them.
My wife remarks with great originality and
shrewdnesS, that things cannot go without hands.
Not even harpslchords, | replied and vet
they are constantly gong. However, am
recognized amateur, and OF course bound to like
music, whatever effect it produces; though
contess.l should be better pleased if every