The Virginian. [volume] (Lynchburg [Va.]) 1822-1829, 1823-01-03
From The (Londoa) Nsw .Hoataig ,faga.iae.
ADVANTAGE OF HAVING NOHEAD.


ADVANTAGE or HAVING NoHEAD.
The very head and front Of my offending
Hath thls eNtent--no more. Sdatespcar
hate The man who can never see more
than one side of a questian--Mho has bni
single idea, aud that perhaps wrong
one.-No, | adopt an impression 2ealously,
perhaps efroneously, but | forget not the
"oudi odsram pdrtem." cannot plead
my OWN cause, but have mol given my
sell a retaining fee f; am therefore open
10 conviction, and forward To acknowledge
all thai may be reasonably claimed by my
opponents. Candour aud libcrality afe
my motto, in the spirit of which | begin
with eonltssug, that there ale occasions
when that bulbous exCrescencc termed n
head may be deemed a handy appendage.
As peg Ia hang hats on--as "A barber
block for supporting wigs, or a milliner's
Tor showing of bonncts--a3 target for
shooting at when rendered conspicuous by
shining hclmet--as a snun box or Il chat
terboN--as IA machine for stretching night
caps, or fitting INTO guliotne, or for sha-
KING when we have nothing Ia say . in all
these capacities it is indispulably u most
useful piece of household furniture. Yet,
rs lar rs our own experience goes, its IN
convenleneessote arluly predominant over
lis recommendations, that it | could moi
have been born Il column without any ca
piial, made compact aud comfortable by
IN ante-patal derollatlon, | would ut last
have chosen to draw my frsl breath a.
moug
q The Anthropophagion men whose heads
DO grow beneath their shoulders"
that by carrying my adversary in this man
her, locked up rs ii were IN mine own
chest, might keep him IN az good subjec-
ton as 81. Patrick did when hc SWAN a
cross the Lllry, and be the better enabled
to stomach whatever mlseries he might
entail upon me,
Away with the hackncyed boast so
put forth by simplcons who
have no pretcnslons 10 the distinction they
claim for the racc--that man only has n
reasoning bead. TAM pis pour Iii. II he
possesses this fine privilege he treats it as
worldllngs sometimes do their fine clothes
he values II - highly that he has not the
heart 10 U.s. II, or shew il in his conduct.
Ills reason lirs in the wardrobe of his brain
Ill II becomes moth-eatcn, or il he exert il
at all, II is, that II may commit moral SUI
eide aud Try 10 get rid OF Itself Never so
happy as when he can escape from this
blessing, liz dUZcs away ~ much of il rs
he can IN slccp---or blows out his highly
Wanted brains every evening with bot
lie ol port Niue-or tells you, with pa
vlour's sigh, that the happiest man is the
] nBhlng lunato who finds his straw crown
and JOINT stool throne most delightful
exchange Tor all the vanity and ,exation
OF irrational reason. Now, if n man could
but leave OF nj his neck-mahe his shout
ders the ultima 1huie Of his figure con
vert hlms,linto pollard, all this would be
accomplished at once. lie would not be
long 10 cthcr the family of the Lcng-
heads or The Wrong heads he would nei-
ther be headstrong nor headlong he could
not be over head aud ears in debt or in
love head ach, aud fave aeh, and tooth
aeh, and ear acb, would be 10 him as gor-
CONS and grliiins, aud harpics--imaginary
horrors; ophthalmick medicines hc needs
not he neither runs his head into danger
nor against wall, and whether corn be
high or loW-rnt3 paid or unpaid the
five per cents, reduced TO four or the three
per cents 10 nothing, he cares not, for there
IS no earthly matter about which he can
trouble his head. A chartered libcrtinc,
he laughs IN his 4lceyc) at Kings and pal
lanIcnts the wandering jew, 81. Leon,
neinoth were not impressive; gbillotincs
ami neN drops have for him no more tc.-
rOrs than has a thumbscrcw for sprat, or
light boots for an oyster; Jack kelclI aud
TIE hfaunan are no more formidable 10
HIM tlan the tentaurs aud hmazUns to us.
" Let the saII'd Jade vince, his withers are
The happy Needless rogue
pays neither powder nor capitalion tax,
The London Tavern aud the Crown and
Anchor are his pltrimonial kitchens,
where he alone may reckon without his
host. All ordiDafles are al ms nIelcy; he
may gorge his friends Until the leycl rout
be dispersed by the uatchnen. "fhc
sloe- juice and ratsbanc, and such kind of
slnii,' be II ever 50 yllainous, can never
get Up into hi, brain, aud as 10 reckoning
III all these cascs, II IS 50 much a-heod--
aud what is that TO him?
II may be thought that have said e.
noush upon this no-hcad, but cannot re-
Tram rom adding, that Il man thus happily
lruncalcd would possess immense adVaa-
tascs over his companions, should the
guardians Of the night break in upon his
sympusld, as have imagined, for he could
not be tweaked by the nosc, nor thrust out
head aud shoulders; although ,be might
tumble down stairs without any risk OF
breaking bis neck or iracturing his skull.
Dormg life he might play as many pranbs
~ Yorlct the king Jester. and after death
40 Hamlet could cxealn over his renains
-" Why, will he suffer this knayc to knock
him about the sconco with dirty sho-
VEL, and Will not tell him OF his action Of
b terry %