The Portland gazette. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1818-1824, 1823-10-21
MISCELLANEOUS.


dited, as emblematic Of my bushes when make
the confession that my father Is a cooper n
Hoandsdifch; and not that there Il any fhins
I degrading in the profession, for we hsve poet.
who have started into celebrity from the inferiol
stations OF cowherds, ploughmen, and shoema.
kers,-but, alas my poor father i not likely N
achieve greatness still less to have II thrust unon
him, for be understands nothing whatever but
his business Determined that his own defect "A
education should not be entaied upon bis daueh.
tier, he sent me to genteel boarding school Al
KensingtoB, where my associates, in the petulan.
ey OF youthful pride, presently assailed me with
every species at ridieHle on account Of my "a
rents vulgar occupation. One christened him
| Dior -zes, and with an air Of mock gravity en-.
quifeo after his tub another told me resenlbled
him, inasmuch as carried hogs-head upon nv
shoulders, (Which was a gross libel upon nv
lphysiognomy j a third, quoting Addison, ex-
claimed,
-" Why does he load with darts
His trembling hands. and crush beneath a casqus
| His wrinkled hrows n
while fourth, whenever ventured 10 sing, OBJ
served that was then in my proper elemeat, as
was fsvoring them with few staUss Nothing
reconciled me 70 this spitefu persecution but the
superior success with which | prosecuted my
studies Mortified vanity stimulated me to as
pire 10 a higher rank Of intellect as some atone
ment for lateriority Of station and my object
was so far attained that was enabled to retaliate
on fashionable ounces, the sneers and taunts
which they leyelled against city minxes and up
start vule arians .-Among my schoolfellows there
were several VINO feared me, and many who re-
framed from open quizzing; but they all held
themselves alOof from any intimacy, aHd found
the pride OF surprising some in their studies and
OF mhictng pain upon the feelings OF others,
whenever my own were attacked, but a poor
compensation for the unsOciableness to winch
was condemned by their open or suppressed
contempt.
! Even this miserable comfort was denied me
when | left school,, and was taken home to
Houhdsditch, for my own requirements only
served TO render more striking, and Infinitely
more CALLING, the wretched ilhterateness OF my
parents. Conceive, my dear Mir Editor, the
horror of hearing my father, who had yielded to
my mothers wishes in the selection OF polite
seminary for my studies, enquire whether | had
learned to darn stockings and make a pudding I
But even this Vandalism was less grating to my
soul tnan the letter witch my mother wrote a few
days alter my return, to the parent OF one OF my
school fellows, enquiring the character Of a
cook, whichyhe thus commenced -" Mrs Hog
| gins presents her compliments TO the Honorable
Mrs. hartopp, as | understand Betty Butter lived
H will inform her whether she understands
her business, and hope Mrs. H will be par
ticular in stating to Mrs. H." SLc-and thus
she continued tor a whole page confounding first,
second, and third persons, aud be-puzzling Mrs.
lis IN most astounding communication Of mi
tIals and ndivlduaitIes.-At my earnest solicita-
ton this letter was condemned, and second
composed, which started with this inauspicIous
exordium -" Betty Butter,whom, according to
her own account, lived two years with you as
cook, and proceeded in a similar strain OF
verbs without nominatIves, and relatives without
antecedentS. This also she consented to can
Gel, not without sundry peevish EXPLANATIONS
against the neWlangled English and nonsensical
pedantry taught at the schools nowadays, none
OF which were heard of In her time, although
the world went on quite as well then as it did
now. Having tartly reprimanded me for my
saucy cIfer OF lnditlng a proper note, She took
out new crow-pen, reflected for some minutes
upon the best method OF arranging her ideas, and
inally recommended thus 80" Madam, Under
standing Betty Butter lived with you as cook,
mas induced me to write you these few lines,
&C. and this horrifc epistle, terminating as aw-
fully as it began, was actually despatched 20
Sir imagine the abomination to al my gram
matical nerves and pathological sympathies
| From sucn gothic society found il absolutely
pleasure to inform you, that after innumerable
difficulties and delays, from the ignorance OF
some and the ridlcule OF others, | have succeed
ed in establishing Blue-StOcking Society in
Houndsditch which, if am not much mistaken
will eventually rival the most celebrated literary
associations that nave been formed from the DAYS
of Perices down to those of Lorenzo de Medici
and Dr. Johnson. Considering the soul TO be
of no sex, have admitted males of undoubted
genius into our club, and we can already boast
Of several names that only want the means and
opportunity TO become immortal. The hitherto
Booton realm of Houndsditch begins TO be fer
tile in classical and Attic associations The Su-
gar bakers upon Tower Hill we have consecrat-
ed to Grscian "reminiscences as the Acropolis,
and the Smoakng-room upon its roof is hallow-
ed 10 our eyes as the Parthenon the Tower is
PTRus, and the houses on each side Of the Min
cries are the long walls Aldgate Pump is the
Grotto of Pan Whitechspel Church is the Cera-
nicus T; the East India Company's Warehouses
IN Leadenhall-street, are the Temple Of These
Us ; the eKtremities Of Fenchurch-street are the
PropylRa and the Synagogue in Dukes Place
the Odeum. Thus, you see, Sir, we are upon
classic ground in whatever direction we move
while, to contemplate the illusion, we have
named the great kennel leading to Tower Hill
the Iyssus, and am credibly assured, il is quite
as large as the original. Our Academus, a room
which we have hired in Houndsditch is planted
with pots OF geranium and myrtle, TO initiate
the celebrated garden of the original; and one
OF our members who is a stationer, having made
rs present Of thick new commercial ledger
that odious endorsement has been expunged, and
the world .4lbum substituted in large letters 81
gold. From this sacred volume, destined to
preserve the contributions OF our associates,
propose occasionally 10 select such articles a.
may stamp value upon your Miscellany, and
al the same time awaken the public to a due
sense OF the trenscendant talents which have
been coalesced, principally BY the writer Of TAI.
article, in the composition OF the Houndsditct
Literary Society.
I Young as our establishment is, il is so opulen
in articles, that the very fertility renders selec
ton impossible, and must, after all, open the
volume al random, and trust to the Sortes Houn
ldtehiane. II expands at a sonnet by Mr.
heQndl, lawyers clerk, possessing, as yog
viii observe, perfect knowledge Of Latin anC
though the subject be not very dignifed, Il Is re-
deemed, by hrs delicacy Of handling aud felicity