The Wilmingtonian., 1823-09-25

In the height of this confusion, we were
informed that dinner was served up, and
with Joy perceived that the bell, which
at first had so alarmed my fears, was only
the half hour dinner bell.
In walking through the hall and suite
of apartments to the dining room, l had
time to cellect my scattered senses, and
was desired to take my seat betwixt Lady
Friendly and her eldest daughter, at the
table. Since the fall of the wooden Keno
phon, my face had been continually burn
ing like frebrand. and l was just begin
ming to recover myself, and to feel COM
fortably cool, when an unlocked for acci-
dent rekindled all my heat and bushes.
Having set my plate of soup too near the
edge of the table, in bowing to Miss Di-
nah, who politely complmented the pat
tern of my wastcoat, | unfortunately
tumbled the whole scalding contents into
my lap. In spite of an immediate supply
lof napkins, to wipe the surface OF my
cloaths, my black silk breeches were not
stout enough to save me from the painful
effects of this sudden fomention, and for
some minutes my legs and thighs seemed
stewed in boiling chaldron; but recol-
,llecting how Sir Thomas had disguised his
torture, when trod upon his toe, firmly
. bore my pain in silence, and set with my
,Ilower extremities parboiled, amidst the
sitting gigglng of the ladies and the SER
l|vants.
Il will not relate the several blunders,
(which l made during the first course. or
lthe distress occasioned by my being desi-
!: red to carve fowl, or help to various
=. dishes that stood near me, spilling sauce
boat and knocking down a salt seller:
IIrather let me hasten to second course,
: g. where fresh disasters overwhelmed me
olqute." :.
had a piece of sweet rich pudding on
,Jmv fork, when Miss Louisa Friendly beg
ged to trouble me for a pigeon that stood
near me; in my haste, scarce knowing
- what | did, l whipped the pudding into
+ my mouth, hot as burning coal; 1T was
to conceal my agony, my eyes
n were startled from their sockets. At last,
+olin spite of shame and resolution, was
70 obliged to drop the cause of torment on
n |my plate. Sir Thomas and the ladies all
r. r. compassionated my misfortune, and each
N advised a different application; one re-
u commended oil, another water, but all
:; : agreed that wine was best for drawing out
oo the fire, and a glass Of sherry was order
y, led me from the sideboard, which snatcl-
30 ed up with eagerness. But OH how shall
~ - tell the sequel whether the butler by
no accident mistook, or purposely designed
he to drive me mad, he gave me the strongest
- brandy, with which l filled my mouth, al-
:; ''Iready hayed and blistered totally unused
% % to every kind of ardent spirits, with my
- n9''Itongue, throat, and palate, as raw as beef,
!. what could l do? could not swallow,
w and clapping my hands upon my mouth,
he the cursed liquor squrted through my
ut nose and fingers like fountain. over all
~, the dishes; and was crushed by bursts
" of laughter from all quarters. In vain
sl,Idid Sir Thomas reprimand the SER
he wants, and Lady Friendly chide her
od|daughters; for the measure OF my shame
M and their diversion was not yet complete.
m To relieve me from the intolerable state OF
ho perspiration, which this accident had
". caused, without considering what did, l
m wiped my face with thatill fated handker-
nd chief, which was still wet from the conse-
Jy ouences of the fall of Xenophon, and COW
no cred all my features with streaks OF ink in
I every direction. The baronet himself
no. could not support this shock, but joined
.ls his lady in the general laugh; while
he sprung from the table in despair, rushed
II u y out of the house, and ran home in an ago
FL ny of confusion and disgrace, which the
nat most poignant sense of guilt could moi
,ry have excited.
le. Thus, without having deviated from tht
vas path of moral rectitude, | am suffering
noI torments like "goblia damn'd." Iht
os lower half of me has been almost boiled
.. .so|my tongue and mouth grilIed, and bea
. the mark of Cain upon my forehead; ye
,,,|these are but trihing considerations, to th'
i"o ;m Everlasting shame which must feel, when
...o n ever this adventure shall be mentioned
.od od perhaps by your assistance. when ny
'.aa.lneighbours shall know how much FEEL
tsl.. s' lon the occasion, they will spare DAsHrUl
mS MAN, and (as am just informed my pou1l
sn'ftice is ready trust you will excuse thu
- haste in which subscribe myself,
~" ~" Yours, &c. T. M.
MATRIx op THE BRAZILIAN DIAMoND..in MI
~h. Heulands splendid collection, there is Braz,lia
an Diamond mbetlled in brown iron ore; another
Ii. =. ~ the OF M