Alexandria gazette & advertiser. [volume] (Alexandria [D.C.]) 1822-1824, 1823-10-18

Pray, Ivory, turning 10 the Dsntist,)
how comes it that Jo1 nave SO much
practice? Compared with your career
of incessant occupation. mine, busy as
il is, may slmost be called life of lei.
sure. p
Ivory-Thst circumstance arises
from the public taking more care Of
tberteeth than Of their understanding
Besides, my department Of the profes-
sion 10 not merely scientific, but like
wise ornamental. | can lmpart to the
barren waste of an old mouth, disfgur-
ed by stumps, the regularity of the Re.
gents Crescent: convert the tusk Of
sea-horse into grinder, and SO effec.
tually supply organic defects Of enun.
citation, that when any Of my patients
speak, the company present are filled
with admiration at seeing a young head
upon old shoulders. / have filed my
way into the wor 81.
Dr.. Rantipole.-In truth, Ivory, it
must be confessed that you are an old
file. But with mt offence, l presume
you continue to dra1D teeth; and the do
partnent where such operations are
performed is of course your drawing
room.
Ivory.-Draw teeth? No, l extract
them, Drawing, as we'll as hanging, 10
now the proper function of the Royal
Academicians, and such 10 their zeal
and assiduity, that they would not viii.
lingly leave each other single tooth
remaining. But this is of little conse-
quence; the profess Cd is overstocked,
and they can let littleto eat. You. Dr..
Rantipo!e, are often obliged to force
your refractory patients to take food.
DR. RantipoIe of course they are
bound to take my prescriptions But,
Ivory, the science appears to consist in
the preservation OF tho teeth from de.
cay.
Ivory. This is mere humbug, but at
the same time very profitable. pro-
fess to have both tinctures and powders
which shall reuder those snaggs Of per
petual dura ion; but you know that a
dead body will compound itself with it's
kindred clay in the grave, and time will
efface the inscription On the tombstone.
The fashionable dentists Of the present
day affect to preserve teeth, just as
some occulists, we'll known to Mr. Ca
taract, pretend to preserve the sight
but these powders and tinctures are
wisely calculated to destroy both. Our
profession, in all branches prospers by
disease, anu health is our only enemy.
We thrive by disaster. and, like the
weird sisters i1 Macbeth, when 9TH
ers trem5le we rejoice The delusious
of modern refinement advance our in
terests; thus safety.coach breaks the
travellers necks; water proof coat
vets the wearer to the skin and gen.
eral education initiates obscure folly with
vanity and conceit, Our particular
line is of ancient date; but we. in speak
ing on this subject, Mr.. Sharpse', mu.
tually revert to barbdrous times. Mr..
Cowley the Vaccinator, may be copsl.
dered as the only modern practitioner.
/ Mr.. Cowley.-My practice is GER ain
ly modern discovery, which, with all
its Impertections and failures, coutri
butes hopeful addition to the csta.
logue of diseases. Besides, vaccination
is considered an act of providence by
divines, and IS sanctioned by divines,
and is sanctioned by parliament, who
are indisputably the best judges Of
every thing in this world But this
depa rtment of m dicine has been shame-
fully managed by dePriVing the Prae-
ti.ioner OF his just remuneration, and
allowing the public to inoculate them
selves. What, would you think Ivory,
ifthe public were to begin to draw their
own teeth? What Mr. Sharpset would
you do if patient were to amputate his
own leg? Let it be once established as
the fas .,on for every man to be his own
physician, surgeon and apotbecary, and
the profession is annihllated.
Dr.. Rantipole.-l should remain a.
faoat when you are all aground, My
department would survive the extinc.
ton of yours No iupatic could lock
himself up in msdhouse by virtue Of
his own certificate, or put on the strait
waistcoat without assistance. The la
dies could not dispense with the servi-
ces of DR.. Forceps; and | presume, Mr.
HooAy, that NO gentleman would per.
nit his domesticsted animals to perish
without your valua BILE assistance.
Shsrpset.-Speaklng OF novelties;
Mr.. HooAy the dignity OF chirurgeon
has been considerably degraded by the
admission of friar and cowleecn, "a
horses shoemaker,--to the rank Of a
medical, practitioner. Forgery is the
basis Of your art: and your principal
operations are cropping ofears, nicking
of tails. and other brutal mutations.