The Portland gazette. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1818-1824, 1822-08-13
Mr.. SHIRLEY,


= Nature hath formed strange Fellows in her time
There are two classes Of society that seem to be
peculiarly obnoxious 70 the wit ofthe others mean old
Bachelors and old Maids | have the fortune. good or
bad, to belong TO the former and had always supposed
that there were certain privileges and advantages at
tached to IT, which fully compensated tor the sneers of
aged maidens and the more pleasant jeeTng of young
er nyniphs With me indeed, the time has long gone
by, IN which ! was weaTed with unceasing tests about
my condition and reiterated enquiries, when meant
TO throw eft the good old comfortable, everyday gar
ment OF bacheorism, and pat the buckram suit of
matrimony l am not therefore interested in my own
behalf, but have friends-vou know sir how prone
that part of HiGtnd, which figures in petticoats H. 10
discover deiccuonsin our camp--the enemys camp il
you pease-and TO spy out the nakedness Of the land
kumour is busy its old trick of entertaining the
public. with our imaginary derelictions. One of onr
fraternity, has been of late sorely vexed by a report
That he IS engaged he came into the club the other
evening with wo-by countenance lamentine the
misery Of ms situation he connected by the world
with woman full Of all good qualities Tor aught ne
knows, Without ms own knowledge, without having
committed any overt act, to entite him TO such con-
sideration He is sensitive little fellow with deli
cate feeling OF honour, and being much versed in
the forms Of society. he fears his admiration of fine
women may have drawn him beyond thesrules Of de-
corum, and produced engagement in which his
heart has taken share. We rallied our woful
knight on his squeamishness, and finally satisfied him
that such gossip was beneath the notice of genuine
bachelor We however instructed our standing COM
mIttee, on the state Of the club looA into this
affair, aud notice il in report the next meeting
Inc report OF our committee very consoling: il
stated that a full examination for the last SIX
months, there had not been any indications OF bachs
Ding nor were there at present any symptoms of ana
memher going over 70 the enemy. And il wise
y Observed that though reports of matches often
put IN circulation they had found them in most "a
TO be stratagem ofthe adversary r1se dc Qusrre TO
draw the unweary into an impa ssibe dehle
kumour IS a pipe blown by sunrises, iealousies
conlectufes And OF so easy aud plain STOP thar
the blunt monster with uncouned heads can play up
on it,"
This report was received with degree of exulta
ton, unworthy Of the members Of the club and can
not but confess that in instances il appeared TO
me something like the frantic JOY of despair g Who
Is there, cred out one, = who having enioved the
ease and freedom Of bachelors hall, could submit to
iasmon his thoughts. his feelings and bis ppness by
the whms and megrims Of woman - Who could
entertain recfeant wishes who has been accustomed to
the nexpressibie. though TO wife never.to
ed enjoyment, OF planting ones feet in a cold winter
evening over the fire place, and receiving inspiration
from the rays OF calonc they shoot up through the
system into the caenture of the BRAIN and FIJI IL like
falstaH SACK with nmble fiery and delectabe
thoughts another member occupying three chairs
and ninging himself into the last landed position took
up the SUBJECT :" U language said he, cannot con-
vey To those who have felt them not an idea of the
delicious reyeres, which steal into the head and play
round the sensorum of bachelor in the still quiet
ana enviable repose of his own room tie noisy
Word smut out and the and vexatons that over
"helIn tie married man inexoraby excluded Let a
man. continued he +" be poet, sage, philosopher or
iooi nc cannot rise SO high in knowledge nor sink so
deep IA foly as when he becomes the head and center
OF dependent groupe." But said l. the poet i in
deDted Tor his highest and warmest flights and his
deepest and most general interest to love and woman
ana the philosopher always glad relax from the
aDor OF study In the OF beauty and the caresses
Of ms Children. Hoot. boot man. renegade" cried
OUT al the members. that's treason, by our rules "
Was gao 70 seek refuge from this Glamour in apo
o9y Ana an ancient member controvered my doc
ttihe ana restored order and harmony by quoting Lord
Bacon Bacon says he remarks certainly the best
WORKS and OF greatest merit have proceeded from the
unmarried OF chIdless men, which both in affection
and means have married and endowed the public !"
and again. he was reputed one of the wise men that
made answer 10 the question. when man should
marry young man not vet. an elder at all"
ms was considered conclusive authority and could
observe many one resting disappointed spirit the
authority OF Ihales and Bacon. One member said
" ne Was glad TO hnd in the new novel, something to
their purpose. master George Herot" said he Justly
excialns, all woman, woman--he that goes partner
with you. had need of double share OF patience for
you Will bring none into the common stock" Thus
we whlled away the FIRST part of the night sprnkling
our discourse with little of the scandal of the da,
and an occasional satire upon the other SEX and Al
length reeled home full Of strong resolutions and faIer
an. 10 solitary boarding houses and heds-where
there was no anxious eve to watch our coming no
heart 10 welcome return and hand to brush back
our locks from the throbbing sad burning temples
| was this evening more than ever Disguised with