The Massachusetts spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1821-1823, 1821-05-30
CON NOSES


find Liberty pluck Justice by the Nose'
SHAKESPEARE.
"a Slawkenbergins occasionally appeared a.
mong the Greeks, as well as the moderns; but
from the exuberant ridicule and boisterous rail-
lery, with which the monster was assailed, we
may presume that genuine proboscis was of
rare occurrence. Many of the lampoons and
Jokes, circulated by the wits of Athens, are as
extravagant as the noses themselves-and e.
nough hiss been preserved to I'LL horses nose
bag. Let the following from the Anthology,
suffice as sample -
Dick cannot wipe his nostrils if he pleases.
$50 long bis nose is, and his arm so slort ,
Nor ever cries. 8 God bless me - when he
sneezes-
He cannot hear SO distant areport.n
Or this, whichis attributed to the Emperour
Trajan:
Let Dick some summers day expose
Before the sun his monstrous nose,
And stretch his giant mouth to cause
Its shade to iall upon his jaws;
With nose so long, ami mouth so wide,
And those twelve grinders side by side,
Dick, with a very little trial.,
Would make AN excellent sun-dial."
Though a roomy nose may afford a good
handle for ridicule, there are cases, in which a
certain magnificent and superabundance of
that feature, if not abstractedly becoming, has,
at least something appropriate in its redundant
cy, according WE'LL with the characteristics
OF its wearer. Ii has advantages as well as dis
advantages. man of any spirit is compelled
to take cognzance of offences committed under
ms nose, but with such promontory as we
have been describing, they may come within.
the strict letter OF the phrase, and yet be far
enough removed to alforl him good plea. for
protesting that they escaped his observation.
lie is not bound to see within his nose, much
less beyond it. Should a quarrel, however,
become inevitable, the very construction ofthis
member compels him to meet his adversary
half way Nothing could reconcile us to a
dubious excrescence of this inflated description,
we saw 1t appended to.a poor little insignifi-
cant creature, giving him the appearance of
tie foreeau, or spoon-bill; and suggesting the
idea of his being tied 10 his oacn nose 10 preUent
has straytng.
s'As friend to noses of all denominations. |,
must here enter my solemn protest Against
barbarous abuse, TO which they are too often
subjected, by converting them into dust-holes
and SCOT bags, under the fashionable pretext of
taking snuff, an abomination for which Sir
Walter Raleigh is responsible, and which ought
to have been included in the articles of his i'm
peachment. When some Sir Plume OF am
Der snuif-box justly vain,'' after gently tap
ping its top with look Of dplomatick compla-
cency, embraces modicum OF its contents
with his finger and thumb, curves round his
hand, so as 70 display the brilliant on his little
hnger, and commits the high dried pulvisio to
therair, SO that nothing but its impalpable aro-
\ ma ascends into his nose, we may smile at the
custom as harmless and not ungrateful foppe-
ry; but when a filthy clammy compost is per-
petpally thrust up the nostrils with voracious
pig.like snort, il is practice as disgusting to
themselves, as believe it TO be injurious to the
offender.-The nose is the emunctory Of the
brain, and when its functions are impeded, the
whole system of the head becomes dcranged.
Every protested, ingeterate, and incurable
snufI-taEcr, (says Lord Stanhope) at mode
rate computation, takes one pinch in ten min
utes. Every pinch, with the agreeable cere-
mony Of blowing and wiping the nose, and 9TH
or incidental circumstaces, consumes minute
and half.-One minute and half out Of ey-
cry ten, allowing sixteen hours to snuff-talS-
ing day, amounts to two hours and twenty-lour
minutes out OF every natural day, or one day
cutof every ten. One day out Of every ten