Elizabeth-Town gazette. [volume] (Elizabeth-Town, N.J.) 1818-1821, 1820-01-11
From the National Advocate.
DOMESTIC ECONOMY.

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From the National Advocate.
DOMESTIC ECONOMY
That race of old bachelors are bur-
den to society--are fix subjects for ami
madversion, for satire, nay, even for spe-
cial taxation, have never, for moment
doubted / don't meai, your old i,aci,eiors
who, like myself, have neither talents nor
attractions sufficiently powerful 10 engage
the affections Of a young lady-we are to
be pitied-- but | mean your supersnnuated
beaux, venerable dandies, gentlemen Of
fashion in their grand c!imscteric, men ha-
wing the means to marry without the incli
nation, men who remain single all their
lives from the vanity ofsnpposing that they
can obtain any woman by the mere asking
for her. The penny post, a few weeks a.
go brought me a Dote which ran thus ::
s. The Bachelors Club make their re-
spects 10 their colleague, Mr.. Howard, and
notify him that they celebrate their AMI
versary on Wednesday next, at the Bank
Coffee House--veBison with cIIafing dish
es, on table at four, together with pienli-
ful supply of Billy Niblo's twenty-eighr
years old Madeira" Shall 60, OF shall
| not said to myself; certainly dis
like old bachelors, yet have [ 40 aversion
to venison and Madeira moderately
as it is hut once year, I'll meet these
members OF the ancient regime, drink with
them, laugh with them, take up the cadg-
els for matrimony, ard who knows but
may make a convert, though even on the
shady side Of fifty. The hope of doing
good, and striking pure spark out Of
rusty steel, determined me, aud at four,
was there. Almost simultaneously, beau
of the old school, polished and polite, ado
ring the fair sex, yet still unmarried, made
his entree, and, after four or five modern
bows, he squeezed me affectionately by
the hand, and was rejoiced to see me-
Here, thinks I, is bachelor of uupardon-
able celibacy--he is no enemy to matri
mony, but has put off the day of marriage
SO long, thatit now presents an awful as
pect, and ierrifies him, as the field Of bat
tie alarms the acknowledged coward. The
room soon flied: there we're some Of O.
vergrown fortunes, of moderate possess
ions, of fat aud jolly persons, and Of lean
and lantherned visages-they were all
we'll dressed, yet there was certain some
thing about their apparel that had the air
of sluggish indifference, as If their ward
robes sighed for the experimenting care Of
some kind female; one mans pocket hand
kerchief was unhemmed, the ends Of ano-
Their mans crayat were nibbled and rag
ged, here aDd there few holes peepet'
| from the cambria ruffles, and struggling
rent was perceptible in the heels of some
stockings. How much care these chill
dren OF larger growth seemed TO require
how solitary they appeared to me, al
though their faces were dressed with
smiles. Niblo's bell 5000 announced the
dinner, and TO it they went--no ceremo-
ny-no compliments-appetite and epicu-
rism united to pin attention to the well sto-
red table, and the poor creatures, in all
their movements, seemed to indicate the
want of some female, whose daily presence
might refine their manners. control their
appetites, give grace to their actions,
and polish to their converse. The old
wine, together with pipes and segars, made
their appearance and as the bottle went
briskIy round, and their old clay moisten-
ed, revived and invigorated. each man had
something TO say 10 praise Of bachelors
life. Marriage, says an old fellow, who
owned twenty brick houses in the city
pshaw-what man would surrender his
! freedom-give up the joys Of celibacy-
subject himself TO the eternal ciatter Of q
| woman's tongue, and host Of old tabbies
10 the shape Of aunls-be stunned to death
| with squaIling brats-harassed with i'll
ness .accouchments, doctors bills and chris
Jennings! Who would relinquish the hap
piness OF being free, uncontrolled and un
| trammelIed. Here am happy as lord
| | can drink as many bottles Of Niblo's ole
stingo as please; can reel home, tum
BILE myself in bed, boots and all; no wife
to upbraid me for absence, scold me for {
sot, or turn me from my pillow al in the
morning; my ears are not stunned with
her shrill tones, nor my eyes offended by
her sour looks old PhilIis cooks my steak
makes my bed, smokes her pipe 10 peace
and is always glad to see me, drunk or SO.
ber---lhat's your sort,
| ga bachelor leads merry life:
| Few folks that are welded live better"
| Hey, Howard, what do you say ? Am
| I right. old Chronicle ? Do you not say
ditto? No, sir, said /, with gravity. | am
not with you. iisapprove your whole
! position, do not say ditto. A forfeit, a