Portland gazette and Maine advertiser. (Portland, Me.) 1805-1818, 1817-02-12

the Society be called The BAkEp-AfrLEsSo-
c,rrY. The object OF The Society win b
developed with reference y the name.
| I'll has ever been source Of distress that
raw apples should have brought 50 much mis-
chief into the wosId--and the worst Is that an
mankind are fond Of lhem.-They have been
examined from stem to caiyx TO find the part
n which the mischief LAYOUT all in vain.-
| Hercules himself almost broke his back 10 his
attempt upon this HesPeresn fruit. The Gp-
| re Of discora set the once civilized world by
| The ears and deluded a nation IN blood, Toe
abominable creature 10 whom it was given
keeps il as trophy defying all attempts 10
take il from her. While she delights in Tie
inscription-' Detlr pulchriori" she does not
consider that beauty is but skin deep tbs
| .foman has caused more plague than al the
labors to find out perpetual motion. Your
committee believe. that if these apples had
been baked, mankind might have had it,
condition ameliorated, and been spared a
world Of trouble. II therefore recommends
mat subscription papers be carried round ia
which the subscribers shall engage to live
upon Baked Apples, by which name is meant
Cooked-appes or such as are not raw. The
persons appointed TO carry the subscription
papers must be strong in wind and limb, and
Of sufficient fuency 70 keep themselves in
countenanoe; they shall try TO induce all such
persons as dislike the society 10 become men,
Ders the subscription papers shall be offered
either at breakfast, dinner or supper time,
when people are most fond Of being interrupt.
ed.
This institution must surpass all Others
its views are not sordid, it will toll for the
whole OF our species it is Philsnthropic.
The committee recommend what follows
TO be part of the Constitution Of the Society.
Isl. The motto Of the Baked-Gpple Society
shall be non opus est pecvaia.
"a. If any person shall join this Society
with Jew to divert the public attention
from his malpractices, he shall be fed on
apple trade.
81 One grand object In all civil insttu-
tons, is " 10 teach the young idea how to
shooi,' for This purpose there shall be schools
SO that those who are born without eye-balls
may learn to eat baked apples in the dark.
4th. There shall re periodical discourses
delivered, in which the Orators may say any
thing but what relates to the society the
music shall be appropriate, with The favourte
tunes Of non long pdg, and die dear girl |
left behind me.
9th No donation in money amounting 10
less than halfa cent shall be received, and all
donations not made in money shall be sppro-
priated 10 buy wig and small clothes for the
next orator.
9th. Ii any member of this society being
Musselman, cut off the har Of christian or
otherwise mutilate his person, be shall be
ducked in apple teddy.
eth Whoever shall put brains into the head
OF numscull, get quart into pint pot. OF
hatch young geese out Of partridge eggs, shall
have his head piastered with apple sauce, and
a poul'ice Of ;he same applied to bis feet.
9th. The Society is anxious to light the
lamps on the Isle Of Stables, where the nu-
merous inhabitants continue to be deprived
OF lhe sun after dark it will give a reward
in Spitzbergs and Apple Brandy 10 such per-
sons as viii carry the most gas light among
them.
9th. Any member of the Society, who shall
give aid to such establishments as cure the
sick protect the property Of the humble clas-
es IN HE, do any thing TO adorn the country,
or shall himself pour the balm Of consolation
into the wounded spirit BY giving money in
private capacity. shall be pitied and may
iced on Paradise apples.
10Th Any person who shall give bis whole
tine 10 the public, and neglect bis own house.
hold shat ha'e all The apple parings which
may be left.