Virginia Argus. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1796-1816, 1815-08-05
From the Port F6ao.
HIGH CROWNED BoNveTs

HIGH CROWNED BONNETs.
Ilr. Odd~schooE-Passlng the otherday by a knot
OF sailors, who, having Just returned from a pri-
watering cruise, were securing the streets ofthe
city on = cruise OF observation, l heard one of
them, pointing at 4 young lady who was walking
alta distance, say TO his companion, with an oath
characteristic of his vocation, "Tom that's A
tight built smack, and no doubt, if we'll trimm-
ed, a charming sea boat too but DIVE mind me.
she's too tauntly rugged she would capsize the
very inst squat she would meet, for, sbiyer nv
timbers, but light as she is, she has her rovaI
sails set -" Pooh, you BOBBY, answered his com
rade, that's nothing to the top-rigging Of nv
iand!alys Laughter. She went to church, the
other day, dye see, in her best holiday trim.
under conYoyof her sweetheart, who had iust
come TO town from the lake., where, with the
brave Chauncey, he had been giving chase to that
great English lubber, Sir James Yoho. / think
they CAL him-althougi, to be sure, the English
msn though no great fighter, proved the best sal
lor OF the two ; for let the wind blow from what
ever point OF compass 1T might, he still ran be-
fore it, ike a sinking hound with his tail be.
tween his legs, so that the American bull dogs
could never fall foul of him but, as was say.
ing, Kate Conway, the other day, after spending
the whole mornIngaloftin herrigemgroom. got nm.
der way at last, for st. Peters church, and nav I
never see far weather, but she had her sky.scra.
per hos
At first, l was at a loss to conjecture what these
sons OF Neptune meant BY a lady's srovaI saiIS'
' sky-scrapers but was informed, on inquiry.
that they alluded to the present fashionable two
and three story %bopets, to which carrige tops
and awning poles prove such ANNOYANCE.
happened TO spend the following evening at
the house OF a friend, whose wife and douehters
are most accomplished dashers, while his own
taste and opinions are quite too unbending for the
easy pliab llty of fashion in dress. The course
which rnnVersaftOn ncrRrpaI Ill -
the remarks mad accidentally overheard from the
sailors.
The occasion was seized on by Mr.. GrumblellI
-the name OF the gentleman in whose family I
waste inveigh IN terms OF no ord:sarv severity
against the mutability of female taste and the
exorbltsncy of female ambition. He denounced
une caprice OF the sex, in matters of dress, as Al
together msufferable, declaring that VANITY and
4 love OF superiority constituted their sole mo.
ives OF action. In addition to other fo,bIes'
SAID he, they even rebel against the wisdom of
nature. For the best and most obvious of pur.
poses they were made lower than man by the
whole head, whereas they seem determined bv
their new-tangled bOnnets to make themselves
even more than the head taller. A few wears
ago continued he, " they endeavored to oyertop
us by the assistance Of high beeled shoes. I
well remember my old maiden aunt Dorothy Tow.
erinS to have had a PAIR of shoes made with heels
nine inches high, for the purpose of overlooking
that model OF meekness, Eleazer CALMLY. who
was paying his addresses to her. The first time
however, she put them on, had the effect ofbreak.
ing oft the match and she was at the same time
wei near breaking her neck BY a fall sine receiy.
ed IN an attempt to hop nialbly over a curb.stone.
The long suffering Eleazer had borne IN hs in.
tended, without complaining, many and glaring
attempts at usurpation. But the cup of forbeaT.
ance was now full. lie was apious man. an.
wards DISK feet high, and p.fdod himself not a
little on ms head beng nearer to heaven BY seve.
raj inches than the heads Of most of his neigh
bor5. My aunts indecent attempt to surpass
him in this favorite prerogrtive gave HIM mortal
offence. lie accordingly ceased visiting her,
and soon afterwards bestowed his affections and
fortune on a little squat square shouldered dam
sci, whom the highest heels it was practicable To.
Walk with could never raise TO the level of FIVE
feet. Such was the effect ofhigh heels formerly
and nsthinB better GIN be looked fop from the un.
goyernabie rage tor high bonnsts row.
Mr.. Grumbleall, who is himself an European.
waxed, as he proceeded in his Discourse, more
wrath IN his temper and severe in his inyectIves
against our far co%untryw0men. He declared
the custom OF wearing nme-inch heeled shoes and
three story bOnncts, to be peculiar 10 America ,
8 because, added he, the women OF Europe are
too modest and know Their places too wei, 10
make SO hagrant an effort at supremacy in sta
ture.'
llhs uneApeCIeu comparison, made 20 the dis
advantage OF my c~Ountrywomen, drew me, some
what inconsiderately, l fear, out in their defence.
In the excess of zeal 10 re5ut the heavy charge
made against them, ! hazardeda an assertion which
| find 20 be no less offensive to many Of them
than tnat Of Mr.. Grumbleall. 1t was, that in.
stead OF beng themselves the inventors of any ar.
ucle OF dress either cXceptionable or praise wor.
thy, they are, N all matters offashion, the humble
eopB5sfs Of the ladies OF Europe.
Now, my dear Mr.. oldschOol, here stand I be-
tween two fires, each oftlem hot enough in IT.
self, as you may well suppose. On one side an
%irrltated grumbler, and on the other, a whole
squadron of offended females !. the dilemma, sir
is appalling to me, beyond description. For hea.
ven's sake do something TO help me out of II, else
! shall never be able 70 maintain myself against
the sarcasm OF Mr., Grumbleall and the fomts
and snests ofmy female acqnIntanoe.