Virginia Argus. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1796-1816, 1810-09-04

Satisfaction Tor an affront supposed to
be put upon him;sby our pencil, il is
hereby proelaigied that such person.
Sage shall be- net in mortal combat by.
the champioA of our club; for, be it
UNIVERSAL known toman and woman,
that we AVE procured from, Signior
Falconisthe celebrated and ingenious
Haiian philosophical mechanic, an M
tomaton of unconquerabic courage, who
has had much experience in duels, ha-
wing received divers bullet shots thro'
his head, the holes whereof still re-
main, without the least detriment to
the said Automaton. to the wonder &
admiration ofail the professors of sur
gerry who have seen or heard of his
Piowess. This champion will be rea-
dy to meet, in an honorable way, any
gentleman who may be offended at our
proceedings, Secundcm artem, accor-
ding TO a new theory preached and
propagated by q Doctor of Medicine,
who has been admitted member of
our fraternity, and whereby the UNI
. successful party, in duel will be put
TO death in all the delights of agony
that is TO says with rolling eye balls,
writhing muscles, deranged nerves, &
an enchanting quiyero the flesh, SIM
liar to the deleetable spasms of an ami
mated beef-steak, stryed up in the best
African manner TO a king of Abyssi-
{. MIA. AS the pleasures TO be derived
from this improved method of killing
an antagonist do not enter. into the
present enjoyment of our club, and as
we cannot permitto our champion the
least emotion of felicity which we do
not permit to ourselves, we have com-
manded him, in order to insure obe-
dience, that whenever he. goes upon
expeditions OF this nature to divest him.
sell OF brains, heart & bowels, (these be-
ing ONO manner Of use IN such affairs,
). for the safe-keeping OF which, until the
!. return OF the Ausomaton from the field
\ Oh battle, our club has provided an
especial officer, who, by the way, is a
famous chemist.
In laying the principles of action of
the Literary Glu6 before The communi-
tyS we have been at loss how to
commence. Some were for begin
ming at the foundation of the world,
and, tracing the progress OF clubs up
to'the' present period, shew in The Sc
quel the superiority of our institution
over all Others of the kind; in which
case, member who is deeply read in
cosmo3ony, remarked, We might as.
So kr the FIRST club was unquestionabIy
tAScnb of Cain, wherewith Abel was
slain. There is no doubt indeed, that
1t was club which killed Abel; but
there has been SO much rehnem ent In
the application of cluos since the incl
dent occurred, that, although they
should be directed against the head,
(Which, In some sort, will be the course
! OF our proceediDg,} there will not be
the least danger Of death even to the
softest beads, for we have made it a
fundamental rule to touch them in the
;gentlest manner possible. However,
not to digress too much, we could
NOT think of searching into remote an
tiquits for deubtfnI facts, in order
herewith to introduce our society into
notice; and finally, after much con.
versation as to style of thought and
turn of composition, during which oui
president scratched all the hair from
one side OF his wig in his zeal to fino
new conceits, it was resolved to come
out In a grave, formal, solemn man
ger, with unqualified dignity, so as tt
Aiake a proper impression and pre-
venr even a sGspicion that we intend
any thing like ridicule, sarcasm, or W.
becoming mirtb : and to behave, in al
respects, like those young ladies whC
are daily, and even hourly tutored b,
their gcodly mothers, that when they
are ~ company they must always Sc
ub sti-a5ght and IookP pretty,
Ia the first place, then, it is hereby
announced,- that our club does no
mean to write BY cfgb, but by singh
head; for we have ascertained 'beyons
All dispute, that an addition of head
will not produce an addition of sense
or, in other words, that tsOo foois' head
VIII not make arise one, According
", each OF our members has resolve,
e. .raJo anon HE own afock and H..