Alexandria daily gazette, commercial & political. [volume] (Alexandria [Va.]) 1808-1812, 1809-04-29

lOWlHg IS al CAtadSt5 <eaitoA'S5 ~sAS PS''F -
I.inkum FideIius, supposed TO have been
written by Ryp Fap Daa, formerly go
vernon of New Amsterdam, now New
York; who, if his name has not been
handed down t. posterity, It is because ne
was too modest a man to do any thing
worthy of being recorded" It will not
be necessary to inform our readers that It
IS intended 60 represent the introduction
of the French dances into New York
Raieis1 Star.
CHAP. elk.
OF The Chronicles q the reao7o'ssd and On
cieat city q Gotham.
How Gotham city cenquer'd Twas,
And how the folk turn apes--because.
LINK FID,
AL BELT much about this time 1t did
fall out, that the thrice renowned and de-
Iectahle city of Gotham did suffer great dis
eonfture, and was reduced to perlious ex-
trem1ty, by the invasion and assaults OF the
Ho2bine4oss. These are a people inhahlt-
ing a far distant. country, exceedingly Plea
sanf and fertile--but they being withal eyre.
gionsly addicted TO migration, Go thence IS
sue forth in mighty swarms, Ike the Scy-
thians of old, overrunning divers countries
and commonwealth, and committing great
devastations wheresoever they do 60, by
their horrible and dreadful feats and Prov
esses. They are specially noted for being
right yalorous IN all exercises OF the leg;
and of them it hath been rightly affirmed
that no nation in all Christendom, or else
where, can. cope with them in the adrolt,
dexterous and jocnnd shaking Of the heel.
This engaging excellence doth stand unto
them a sovereign recommendation, by the
which they. oinsinuate themselves into unl-
.versal Favor and good eountenance and It
isa notable fact that, let HoppIngtot but
once introduce q feat into company, and 1t
costh hardly if lie doth not contrive to f9ou-
rish his whole BODY in thereafter. The
learned I,inkum Fideiius in his famous and
unheard-oE treatise on man, whonl ne de-
fneth. with exceeding sagacity, to be
corn-cttting, tooth drawing animal, is par
xicularlv Minute aud elaborate in treating Of
the nation Of the Hoppingtots, and betrays
alittle Of the Pythagorean IN ms theory, N
= aslnuch as he accounteth for their being SO
wonderousIy adroit in pedestrian exercises,
BY supposing that they did originally &C.
o,lire this unaecountable and unparalleled
aptitude for huge and unrnatchable feats OF
the leg,by having heretofore been condemn
ed for their numerous offences against that
4 harmless race of bipeds--or quadrupeds---
(for herein abe sage Linkum Fidellus ap-
peareth to doubt and waver exceedingly
{he ifogs, to animate their bodies tor the
space OF one or two generations. He also
egveth it as his opinion that the name Of
JtoDpinctots is nanifestly drrivative from
this RECONSIDERATION. Be this, however, as
IL nav, the matter (albeit it hath been the
subject OF controversy among the learneD
is but little pertinent 10 the subject Of this
history, wherefore shall we treat and con-
slider it as naug31te.
Now these people being thereto inpeAed
BY asuperfluity Of appetite, and plentiful
deficiency of the wherewithal to satisfy the
same, did take thought that the ancient and
venerable city of Gotham, was, Peradven-
ture, possessed OF, mighty treasures, and
did, moreover, abound with all manner OF
FISH and flesh, and eatables and drinkables,
aud such like dehghtsonae and wholesome
excelIencies withal. Whereupon calling a
council of the most acsive heeled warriors,
they did resolve forthwith to put forth
mighty array, make themselves masters of
$ the same, and revel in the good things Of
the land. To this were they holly stirred
up, and wickedly melted by two redoubta-
bic and renowned warriors, hight Parouet
and RsgQd0o9s, ycleped in such sort, by rea-
son that they were two mighty, valiant, and
invincible little men, utterly famous for the
victories of the Iep which fhev had. on di-a