Alexandria daily advertiser. [volume] (Alexandria [Va.]) 1803-1808, 1805-08-22
AN OLD MAIDS, DREAM.
7ohe Editor Of tie Scots Ragazine.

I am one Of these antiquated aud
helpless ANIMALS tomGoaly called al Old
Mad Before etering on my dream, is
may be necessary 10 give you the outlines,
of my history, whlca shall do very
briefly.
am descended Of respectable family,
and beiag che name daugassr and tavorlte
of ~ old Ralden.aant, al ncr dccease she
lei. ne ner whole property, amounting TO
12,oooi. This, with toleraole share OF
personal and nental accomplish soon
broagnt crowd of admirers about me, and
at TIE age of elga:een | was the toast of the
town.
rne fist VINO paid his addresses TO me
was E.scutapiu. Clysterp'pes, physician
who had scraped togesner some money III
the West Indies. Things went on SWIM
mingiy sill the marriage contract came to
be drawn out, and other prellminaries adj
iusted. had frequently heard nim throw
out HATS respecting my 10000. and tho,e
il was now hign time TO inform him, was
oniy possessed of 2oool. having shared my
legacy equally with my other sisters. de
seemed thunderstruck at the intelligence,
but recovered himself So far as TO tell me
he would call on Iue tomorrow, bat that
morrow has not yet arrived, though sixty
wears nave interviewed.
NV next suffer was Timothy Rackrent,
a -neighboring herltor, whose estate was
deeply nor,gaged, and which he hoped 70
redeem by espouslng my l2,oool. 10
mskea long tale short, he split on the
same rock EscuIapius had done, and SO
there was an end to sne matter.
NV third AMI las wooer was boanerges
Bluaderbuss, an officer of marines. lie
was the most furious and ardent OF all my
lovers, and had | not consented almost at
first slghr 10 become his bone and his Hssh,
Iveriiy believe he would hare carried the
citadel by storm. Matters having come
80 this length, thought myself justified in
acquainting him with the exteRt OF my tor
tune, 90 Which he started up, and exclalm-
ed, Egad, madam, you have ruined me );
2,oool. won't do my business, but have
as much in my pocket as viii do Hav-
ing ended this exclamation, he LETT ne
with the greatest sang froid imaginable and
walking into an adjoining field. very deli
iberately blew his brains out. ne cause
of this catastrophe was not long mystery,
for the very next week Mordecal cent per
!. cent came down from London with abono
of the captains for 100000. and was very
much morti6ed that the marriage had not
taken place. He was obliged, however,
TO content himself with the effects OF the
deceased, which consisted of his regiment
al suit. an OLD sword, two shirts, pair OF
velee oreschesijammcd, s an old big coat
which had been twice turned, with some
other minutia too trihing to deserve no.
lice.
Having had such Asgrant and repeated
proof, of the per6dy of mankind, now
seriously 'resolved to die maid. am
long since proof ;galnst the invectives of
mankind, and when asked if recollec,
the mirk.Mouday, the windy Saturday,
the battle of the Boyne, &c. sc. it does
not give me the smallest uneasiness.
The only thing which has rufaed my
temper these forty years was distant re-
iation of mine, who told me a week ago,
Sc | would lead apes In hell" Though
this sarcasm has been cast in my teeth an
hundred times before, do not recollect
that ever it made so deep an impression,
aud on my falling asleep. in all probability
1t occasioned the following dream:
Methought was transported to the IN
fernalregi,ns, and saS-ly ferryed over the
rver Styx. On the other side, scoun
drel looking fellow, very like a messenger
at arms. took me into his custody, and
conducted me to the tribunal of Rhada-
manthus. The good old gentleman ques.
toned me very particularly, how | had
spent my time in the world, and was SO
well satisfied with the candour and fidelity
of my answers, that he ordered the keeper
Of Erebus TO conduct me TO Elvsiums We