Alexandria daily advertiser. [volume] (Alexandria [Va.]) 1803-1808, 1803-10-17
From The Charleston (S. c. Courier.
LECTURES ON ORATORY.
THE RENOWNED DOCTOR,
DON FUSTSANO PHIL0 GANDhROS,
Fran the Citv Of FuLsoMopoLBs, IN The
K;n ndna,.nf RR0ti1.

the City Of FuLsomopoLBs, N ths
Kingdom*Qff Beota,
HAVING heard, in that distant region,
of the fondness for Oratory which Pervades
this country in all places, from the banks OF
the Mississippi to the shores ofthe Allan
tic, from the River St. Croix to taesRlver
st. Marys, and in all ranks, ages, and con-
Editions OF persons, from the senator to the
chimney-sweeper, from the petulent pup ct
the N school to the-sagacious Presi-
dent of the United States, has come hither
at a prodigious expense and the imminent
hazardof his valuable life, to instruct the
people of this country in the new and true
Art of Eloquence.
The Doctor mean5to extend his lnstruc-
|tiors to all sorts and sizes, ranks, ages, con-
tditions, and sexes of Bipends-Poultry ex-
cepted-in plain English, Of human beings.
He is aware that objections may be made
to the universally ofhis plan; but those he
can readily obviate and to get that matter
Q III of the way at once, he will himself sug-
gest, by anticipation, all the objections that
lean be made. aud ,refute them completely,
loft hand.
The wisdom and spirit Of the present ru-
Hers of the United States having exploded
the old, abomidable, innuman, cruel, and
unnecessary practice of making war with
guns, swords, weapons and dire implements
OF FIRE, steel, and stick, which ought, with
every other old practice, to be sent by eve-
Try free country to pat; and it being neces-
ssary>that in lieu ofarming the hands Of the
[ people with such terrible 1Deabons, their
tongues should be armed with eloquence,
whereby the safety of the country from TO-
ireign invasion or en~croachment may be
lcompletely secured, the Doctor oonceives
shat his plan annotreasonably be consider
ied as carried too far, since it will enable the
/ people to rise at a moments warning, man,
jworaan, and child, ali over the country, en-
FmasSe, according to the mode now in fashi-
on with the belligerent powers Of Europe.
When the whole population OF the country
shall thus be made orators, "a thing easily
done) the shipping of the United States
may be cut up into rostrums, and disposed
at proper distances like forts round the
frontiers of the country, from whence the
orators may face the enemy in form and
| full force, Should the remnants of the ma
Wy not afford sufficient wood for the pur-
pose, there are trees enough on the land of
! every planter, and he must be a foolish
| churl who would refuse a tree to a,good de-
mocratic orator. Should this too fail, for
ever the timber Of America may be made
| quatc to such a demand, they have onlyto
follow the example Of those ships compa-
MES who, when destitute Of food, kill and
! eat each other, and to cast lots whose
heads shall be cut up for the purpose
Let the lot fall where it viii, the stuff will
be found hard and solid enough in all con-
science.
By this kind of commmation The forces
of the country will be considerably increas-
sd in number. Many can -wag a tongue
| that cannot raise an arm many can speak
who cannot fight. The old will thus be as
useful as the young indeed more so il ge-
neral, as the garrulity of old age has ever
been remarkable, even to a prove1b. And
| rs fo.the ladies, all men have heard OF, and
nineteen cut oftwenty have felt their Prov
ess in that particular department ofwarfare.
| In this way the defence of the nation will be
handsomely provided for, and the darling
system of the day, equality, established
What a glorious sight to see a whole people,
young and old, man aud woman, girl and.
boy, all umbled together, heads and points,
in one truckle, like the stock of a brewers
~piggery, bears, sows, bacon, hogs, pigs,
roasters, and porkers, saturated with grains
and taplash, lying higgledy-piggledy, ia n
stye, and grunting porcine ~eloquence to the
great edi6cation and mutual cemfortofeach
other.
est anu ,aerson shnrld be deterred from