Four-sides model

The four-sides model (also known as communication square or four-ears model) is a communication model postulated in 1981 by German psychologist Friedemann Schulz von Thun. According to this model every message has four facets though not the same emphasis might be put on each. The four sides of the message are fact, self-disclosure, social relationship between sender and receiver, and wish or want.
The four-sides model also known as communication square or four-ears model is a communication model described in 1981 by German psychologist Friedemann Schulz von Thun. It describes the multi-layered structure of human utterances. In it von Thun combined the idea of a postulate (the second axiom) from psychologist Paul Watzlawick, that every message contains content and relational facets, with the three sides of the Organon model by Karl Bühler, that every message might reveal something about the sender, the receiver, and the request at hand. These models are part of the linguistic speech act theory.
Per Schulz von Thun
Every layer of a message can be misunderstood by itself. The classic example of Schulz von Thun is the front-seat passenger who tells the driver: "Hey, the traffic lights are green." The driver will understand something different, depending on the ear with which he will hear, and will react differently. (On the matter of fact layer he will understand the "fact" "The traffic lights are green", he could also understand it as "Come on, drive!"–"command", or on the "relationship" could hear a help like "I want to help you", or if he hears behind it: "I am in a hurry" the passenger reveals part of himself "self-revelatory".) The emphasis on the four layers can be meant differently and also be understood differently. So the sender can stress the appeal of the statement and the receiver can mainly receive the relationship part of the message. This is one of the main reasons for misunderstandings.
The factual level contains what the sender wants to inform about: On the factual level the sender of the news gives data, facts and information statements. It is the sender's task to send this information clearly and understandably. The receiver proves with the "Factual ear", whether the matter message fulfills the criteria of truth (true/untrue) or relevance (relevant/irrelevant) and the completeness (satisfying/something has to be added). In a well-coordinated team, this usually runs smoothly.
The self revealing level contains what the sender reveals about themselves; It contains information about the sender. It may consist of consciously intended self-expression as well as unintended self-disclosure, which is not conscious to the sender (see also Johari window). Thus, every message becomes information about the personality of the sender. The self-revealing ear of the receiver perceives which information about the sender is hidden in the message.
The relationship layer expresses how the sender gets along with the receiver and what the sender thinks and feels about the receiver. Depending on how the sender talks to the receiver (way of expression, body language, intonation...) the sender expresses esteem, respect, friendliness, disinterest, contempt or something else. The sender may express what he thinks about the receiver (you-statement) and how they get along (we-statement). Depending on which message the receiver hears with relationship ear, he feels either depressed, accepted or patronized. Good communication is distinguished by mutual appreciation.
The appeal or want contains what the sender wants the receiver to do or think. According to von Thun whoever states something, will also affect something. This appeal-message should make the receiver do something or leave something undone. The attempt to influence someone can be less or more open (advice) or hidden (manipulation). With the "appeal ear" the receiver asks himself: "What should I do, think or feel now?" For Example: "Mothers are very appeal-influenced by children. Mum! The shoes... Yes! I'll be right there to put them on for you."
Two people are eating a home-cooked meal together.
The one who didn't cook says: "There is something green in the soup."
The other answers: "If you don't like the taste, you can cook it yourself."