F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals Whats What
by By Gasteier, Matthew
Category: Humor , Topic , Animals

Perfect for the Scrooge in your life—a profane, hilarious takedown of all things cute and cuddly, by the author of the blog sensation of (almost) the same nameAttention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins  that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists  for too long. There is a cute and present danger lurking out there–in the wild,  in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial  Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters,  and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are  beguiled by these fuzzy frauds. But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those  soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just come  to an end.  F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these  power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary,  this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from  the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas  forever. ___________________________ "Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most  animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed  in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great  penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people,  anyway."—Jerry the Shark "Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate  to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent  human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."—Dennis the Krill "It's all true. We're the worst."—Anonymous Penguin "The average dolphin is far  beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable  book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives  at the common ancestor reunion."—Edward the Dolphin "Thank you for your submission.  Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for.  However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"—Danielle the Bear,  Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing